subreddit,id,title,text,url,score,author,date theredpillrebooted,17c1wxt,My name is Benjamin Persits and I am so sick of women.,"Yes, I'm using my full name because I'm so sick off all of this. The women in my dorm have become so obnoxious. They are so fucking annoying. I try to talk to any of them and it's all ""sexual harassment"" and all that. I saw a cute girl by my dorm room sink the other day and we started talking. She wanders off and I walk after her while we chat. All of a sudden this is sexual harassment. Or when girls come on to me and when I lean in to kiss they don't want to all of a sudden. Absolutely ridiculous. I'm not going to be quiet about feeling this way anymore. I'm sick of dealing with women, in my classes, anywhere. I'm so done. ",,0,benjypersits,2023-10-20 03:40:33 theredpillrebooted,16i06xc,WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?!?,,https://v.redd.it/8d1eapsih3ob1,0,PatchesTheIdiot,2023-09-13 21:57:56 theredpillrebooted,16a4ekb,Why is she an asshole with me and how to handle it?,"So I got this girl who's kinda my crush but I don't want her any way because I'm happily married. We don't meet often but recently after months we did in a social gathering. I was happy to see her, we happened to arrive together, talk a bit and take adjacent seats at the table. I had the impression from her smile she was happy to see me as well. Then we continued to talk to various topics then suddenly she says 'Don't you want to talk to John you haven't seen for a long time?' After I said no she said 'since we arrived you're just talking to me and coming closer' which was impossible since we were sitting in armchairs. She was suddenly explicitly rejective and deliberately an asshole to me, I was very surprised and honestly I was kinda hurt. What could I have done wrong? I thought we were just chatting. How do I handle her next time? Should I ignore her, don't talk to her, act unphased, or call her out for this unacceptable behavior? Please help.",,0,Worried-Horse-3408,2023-09-04 21:19:27 theredpillrebooted,15f45sl,Popular US vlogger Gonzalo Lira aka Coach Red Pill detained in Ukraine,"&#x200B; [https://chng.it/gFyFvqS5K7](https://chng.it/gFyFvqS5K7) Popular US vlogger Gonzalo Lira aka Coach Red Pill detained in Ukraine",,0,Beautiful_Diamond980,2023-08-01 06:21:36 theredpillrebooted,12wwyzc,Mrs. Rooster by Stinky Buckets,,https://youtube.com/watch?v=jK5BQngWne4&feature=share,1,LetsGoRedDevils,2023-04-24 00:50:48 theredpillrebooted,11ns2tc,Sith Lord exposed for falsely accusing her husband of raping their daughters.,,https://v.redd.it/s8pkr5zg00ma1,5,Kohathavodah,2023-03-10 15:26:36 theredpillrebooted,114onkp,Women believe that if a man will not be friendly with women in office HR should get involved,,https://i.redd.it/cxonpsx39mia1.jpg,5,Kohathavodah,2023-02-17 15:32:36 theredpillrebooted,10wflja,Solve most of your problems with well placed lies.,,https://i.redd.it/rxngq2w0ztga1.jpg,4,Kohathavodah,2023-02-07 22:43:18 theredpillrebooted,zgghrp,Money is not a God,,/r/SigmaSpot/comments/zgfdb5/money_is_not_a_god/,2,liuk_x,2022-12-08 23:57:19 theredpillrebooted,yz87wh,Andrew Tate theme song... but AI draws English lyrics,,https://youtu.be/lKQRVRSW4vw,2,InsomnAI,2022-11-19 09:43:04 theredpillrebooted,yvbysh,do I leave my girlfriend after her not caring about my country?,"I am a Ukraine immagrant. been in England for almost my whole life. my girlfriend that I have dated for almost 2 years and I were watching the news like usual and she just exclaims about how Ukraine should stop being talked about on the news because ""no one cares about it "" she immediately said oh shit becausr she forgot that I am an immagrant (sorrycfor bad English( it made me very mad that she said that and it left a sour taste in my mouth that really altered my view on her i just need someone's advice if I should leave after I just feel mad she said that about my country thank you all for your time reading this",,2,Own-Mushroom829,2022-11-14 20:40:41 theredpillrebooted,yv9sgi,Toxic men and the lie of lost men,,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LS4s4Oezdww,1,taddy223,2022-11-14 19:26:14 theredpillrebooted,y00bgq,One Flake too many in a relationship?," Let me know what you think I am a high-value man, the top 1% earner, well groomed,ed and take care of myself physically. I have been dating this Lady for about 4 months. She is a 6-7 physically but becomes an 8 via her personality and wit since I have been dating her. We went out multiple times (no flaking) at least 10 (due to my business reasons; otherwise it would be way more since she wants to see me more) and do our sexual things, and we both love it. This past Saturday, we were supposed to meet at 4:30 PM. She was out hanging out with her girls that morning then lunch. After lunch, she texted me saying, ""her mom wants me to pick her up"" <-- I am about 95% sure this shit comes from her girlfriends, trying to play games. So I texted her back, saying, ""I get it, your mom needs you. You should stay home."" She texted me back about some other BS, but I didn't reply. Comes the actual meet-up time at 4:30. She texted me if I still want her to come. At that time, my mood was already sour and has no desire to deal with her or to have sex with her. I was already planning to go out hunting and have a good time all by myself. So I texted her, ""I am good, have a good rest of the day"" She asked if I was mad. I replied, ""I am disappointed, it is what it is. I will manage"" She called, but I didn't pick up. She texted and offer to uber herself to me. I replied, ""I am good, have a good rest of the day"" She apologized and I replied, ""No worries, I am very forgetful."" then she replied, ""that's nice of you, have a good night"" So here is the thing, I vibe with this chic well and the sex is great. This one flake threw me off. I value my time, and this girl violated the cardinal rule ""No one waste my time."" Normally, if a chic doesn't show up for the first date, that girl is out. This scenario is different. I have other chics lining up to date me and thirst for my time. What do you think? Two options: 1. Drop her 2. Give her another chance Thanks in advance",,1,akanoname714,2022-10-10 00:06:47 theredpillrebooted,x3gj7v,High Stake Dating?,"Folks, So I met this gal who is 9/10. We met in Vegas, I came up to her and we talked briefly. She said she liked my confidence. I am an Attending Cardiologist, and Resident Surgeon (graduate this year). She lives in Oklahoma, and I live in South Carolina. We have been talking back and forth via texting and phone calls with some escalating sexual suggestions. She calls me, ""babe, Papi, etc..."""" and I called her similarly. we vibe well so far, so we decide to meet up this weekend. We choose to meet in Miami, so we'll be spending the weekend together. I dated 9 girls before (where I live), but I have never done this before where I met a gal in vegas then going for the weekend like this. We are meeting up this Friday, I have some things for us to do in mind, but I won't spill the beans unless Friday goes well. If Friday doesn't go well then I will just chillax myself and then just enjoy whatever without her. If things go well then I will just lead her to do what both of us may enjoy. I did tell her to pick out the restaurants, and I pick out the activities. Also, It seems like we'll be having some intimate time. I thinking of laying low, a little escalation here and there to feel things out. If she comes on to me then it is great. If not, I don't plan to push sex too much. Friday would be our first date after all. Now, Saturday and Sunday would be a different story if it even gets to that. What do you think? Also, what do you guys think is the absolute must-do on Friday? Akanoname",,3,akanoname714,2022-09-01 19:39:49 theredpillrebooted,wbbjkj,Need some advice,"There is a girl I'm seeing who I like very much but there are some issues that are making me feel a bit unsure about whether she is girlfriend material. For some context I'm a 20-year-old male who is currently studying finance at a great university and am managing to make over 6 figures a year and entering into my second year of college (I study finance which is how I'm able to make a comfortable living). I work really hard, and I have a high standard for myself and consequently any potential girlfriend (I'm not at all a hookup guy, it has never interested me). &#x200B; She was my first girlfriend ever, but she actually broke up with me in high school and it fucked me up really bad for 3 years, but ngl was amazing motivation for me to be on my purpose and work on myself. She is the only girl I've ever loved (granted I've only lived 20 years on this earth) and I'm still young so sometimes I think thoughts like oh she could be the one. I reached out to her after no contact for 3 years and everything went well. We struggled but we made time to see each other. I visited her in Boston, and she visited me in New York. It was magic and I'm going back to Austin in August to spend a month with her before college starts again. I really give her my all and I care for her deeply, but there are some glaring differences between us and the direction in life we are going that make this situation complicated from my perspective. Complications: 1. We would have to do long distance since we are in different citys during our college years 2. I'm a Christian and she is borderline atheist, but she is into astrology 3. She has a moon and sun tattoo near her boobs which are sexy but also make me kind of uncomfortable (I hope she has impulse control) 4. She told me she is a virgin which doesn't matter to me, but I don't know if I completely believe her, I care more about whether she is lying then how many men she has slept with, it really comes down to honesty 5. She is into fake nails, piercings, and excessive cosmetics which I find to be vain, yes, she could be doing it for herself, but she also talks about how she loves attention, and it makes me feel like I'm not good enough sometimes, this is a me issue as well and maybe I'm not ready for a relationship, much less a long distance one 6. She doesn't know what she wants to do after college and has no career aspirations right now, mentioned about being a professor once, I'm very career oriented and know I want to enter investment banking 7. I'm very affectionate and she can be quite cold sometimes, but she says its because she has standards and maybe she is holding back some affection 8. Sometimes I feel very sad when I talk to her like this isn't meant to be or she isn't the one for me, and it makes me want to cry but I also know I need to be strong, since crying doesn't really solve anything &#x200B; Pros: 1. We can talk for hours non-stop 2. There is an indescribable excitement and attraction between us that is magnetic, opposites attract possibly 3. To me she is the most beautiful woman in the world, and she is genuinely a very empathetic person, one of the sweetest people I know 4. We have strong communication, and we always talk through our problems 5. She is very patient 6. She is family oriented and takes cares of those she cares about 7. She challenges me to grow intellectually and get my stuff together &#x200B; Sometimes I feel like she can be vain, promiscuous (maybe I'm unconsciously slut shaming her), or immature and it makes me feel a little off. I can't get it out of my mind. I think I'm looking for a more traditional woman since I try to be a traditionally masculine man, but I'm also unsure because this girl has a sexiness, empathy, and a little crazy that keeps life exciting. I'm deeply conflicted. I would love your thoughts. I know I can't change her nor is that my job to do so. But I also can't ignore the potential issues because my time is valuable and so is hers. Just want to hear your thoughts. Thank you.",,1,[deleted],2022-07-29 18:03:36 theredpillrebooted,waydi8,"My wife had sex with an executive at work, in his office. Need help",,/r/Marriage/comments/wav06a/my_wife_had_sex_with_an_executive_at_work_in_his/,3,[deleted],2022-07-29 07:30:27 theredpillrebooted,w98uky,whut?,This isn't the matrix..... Wtf?,,0,officially_ender_,2022-07-27 08:08:03 theredpillrebooted,vhq6kt,"Ok, which one of you geniuses operates their social media page? I can't get my bratwurst from this place anymore without questioning it...thanks guys.",,https://ktvz.com/news/business/2022/06/20/redmond-butcher-shop-sparks-online-controversy-with-post-criticizing-juneteenth-some-customers-cut-ties/,1,GlennClydeFox,2022-06-21 23:03:40 theredpillrebooted,vh3k9y,Why I'm an Incel," as an infant, my life was always in termoil, both of my parents failed to show up when I was born. And I soon found my dad, not in the milk aisle at your local Walmart, but in a wheelchair after getting ligma. I soon found out the ligma was terminal and I was stricken with depression. I soon fell into a coma for 2 years after getting karate kicked in the testicles by a butch lesbian bodybuilder. When I woke up, I found my mother by my side, she soon told me that dad died, and that she took all the money that was in dads savings. I am now dieing of starvation and I’m currently sleeping on cardboard and news papers. My whole life I have been betrayed by woman, and I want my story to reach all of the BASED, NON-CUCKED, ALPHA MALES out there. Please don’t let these SHILLED FEMOIDS take over our proud America!",,6,MisandrySupremecy69,2022-06-21 03:24:41 theredpillrebooted,vh3vqg,REDPILL IS THE ONLY WAY TO BE BROSKI!,"Guys! We are in the midst of the next Holocaust! Gina Coreano was warning us about this! Sleepy Joe forced me to vaccinate my kid now he's a commie homosexual! &#x200B; WAKE UP AMERICA! This is what we call Republican Cleansing it's very real folks! My kids dressing up in drag and singing the entire set list to Cabaret and he built a shrine to Karl Marx in his bedroom. &#x200B; I tried beating the shit out of him with a garden hose. Man, he just started talking to me about how I was triggering him and mentally scaring him for life. And he will never give me any grandchildren because he doesn't want to pass ""my abusive tendencies"" onto a future generation. &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; Vaccines are evil guys! #Qanon #SleepyBiden #Redpilled #2Trump2Spurious",,4,GlennClydeFox,2022-06-21 03:42:07 theredpillrebooted,vh3gnc,Why I’m an incel,"as an infant, my life was always in termoil, both of my parents failed to show up when I was born. And I soon found my dad, not in the milk aisle at your local Walmart, but in a wheelchair after getting ligma. I soon found out the ligma was terminal and I was stricken with depression. I soon fell into a coma for 2 years after getting karate kicked in the testicles by a butch lesbian bodybuilder. When I woke up, I found my mother by my side, she soon told me that dad died, and that she took all the money that was in dads savings. I am now dieing of starvation and I’m currently sleeping on cardboard and news papers. My whole life I have been betrayed by woman, and I want my story to reach all of the BASED, NON-CUCKED, ALPHA MALES out there. Please don’t let these SHILLED FEMOIDS take over our proud America!",,2,IdiotsParadise,2022-06-21 03:19:21 theredpillrebooted,vh4poo,wake up liberals!,"Hey I'm no homo broski's! I am totally straight! 110 percent MGTOW advocate Straight Brah! I'm a real man! I ain't no homo! It's Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve get it right libtard! But I'm just gonna throw this out there. I would totally suck off Joe Rogan. That dude is based! Who's with me? Who wants to suck Daddy Joe off with me?!",,1,GlennClydeFox,2022-06-21 04:28:10 theredpillrebooted,ud4sh4,anon is a failure,,https://i.redd.it/i3ubl5k5dxv81.jpg,4,M_Salvatar,2022-04-27 14:24:05 theredpillrebooted,qepxf4,Is the West for You?,,https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC8JL_JCqdv5R1CujRSU_Sgw,2,[deleted],2021-10-24 10:58:54 theredpillrebooted,q5igm4,Feeling Fishy about this,"Hi, I have a question. I am an accomplished 35 years old or so male making about $1mil a year. I just started seeing this chic who is 26 years old. she is a nurse. She told me she is very sexual and loves sex. So I was like, I am down for great sex as well. We set up for a first date which may lead to sex afterward, but she didn't show. So I played it cool and wish her the best life. She text me 3 weeks later and tells me how horny she is. I was like whatever. We did a video chat. We got along well. During the chat, she talks more about her business and how she is a travel nurse and wants to travel with me, and so on. I just played along. I am going to Las Vegas and invited her to come. She accepted. She has been texting me daily telling me how horny and wet she is. I played along. When I asked her to send me sexy pictures. She said she is shy. Anyhow, what do you guys think? I have a feeling she will flake again. so two scenarios: 1. She flakes again - done, no more discussion 2. She actually showed up. Is there something else she is looking for? like, have my baby and stuff? I definitely do not want a baby right now. I just want to have some fun here and there with zero commitment for a long-term relationship. I see too many men living miserable life choosing the wrong lady. Any advice will be appreciated. Cheers",,4,akanoname714,2021-10-10 22:37:53 theredpillrebooted,ojj0lc,Original Male Space,"So I know where my guys are at. We get together. Have our chats, do stuff. My question to this community is this? Where is your male space in the modern woke/feminist world?",,1,Xoshu,2021-07-13 16:19:53 theredpillrebooted,nkkx1q,She Makes Her Own Money But She'd Rather Spend Yours #dating,,https://youtube.com/watch?v=0ImjsNnlelw&feature=share,3,Present_Rest6548,2021-05-25 08:42:16 theredpillrebooted,mqz7xh,"Stay true to yourself and keep it real my dear Armenians, make your ancestors smile from the heaven ✊🇦🇲✝️",,https://v.redd.it/lpsdzchn16t61,10,NovaSociete,2021-04-14 20:25:13 theredpillrebooted,m63gh5,"Thread: theories of Erich Fromm and Habermas on conformism, 5 types of modern personalities and social engineering",,/r/ArmenianRenaissance/comments/m63gdh/thread_theories_of_erich_fromm_and_habermas_on/,3,NovaSociete,2021-03-16 07:23:48 theredpillrebooted,m5emsw,"Thread: The Cultural Marxist long march through institutions, the corporate take over of the movement (intentions behind the demoralization and deconstruction proces) and how to feed the mass the illussion that their ""progressivism"" is revolutionary or anti-establishment.",,/r/ArmenianRenaissance/comments/m5efxz/thread_the_cultural_marxist_long_march_through/,3,NovaSociete,2021-03-15 06:39:34 theredpillrebooted,lkjcer,What do you need the most right now?,,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zgoHC6d_BlQ&t=71s,1,SundayDiscovery,2021-02-15 18:12:03 theredpillrebooted,ljnhoy,"[Excellent New Video, Thoughts?] Masculine Frame and Humor | RedPill Masculinity is Not Funny?",,https://youtube.com/watch?v=LZULYl58BBc&feature=share,2,Sigma_Solo,2021-02-14 12:25:18 theredpillrebooted,fiqrg4,Men as Property | Why Family Court Laws are Skewed in Favor of Women,,https://youtu.be/omPJ41JykjM,3,thevalentineyear,2020-03-14 22:24:03 theredpillrebooted,f98onz,Take the red pill and wake up,,https://youtu.be/OS6N633Nv0s,3,thevalentineyear,2020-02-25 11:06:52 theredpillrebooted,2mce9o,"Fuckin' women, man...",,http://thoughtcatalog.com/isabel-chalmers/2014/04/dear-nice-guy-i-wasnt-ready-for-you-before-but-i-am-now/,3,wiseprogressivethink,2014-11-15 02:15:55 theredpillrebooted,2cizo8,"If you have girl issues and trp is too big to swallow, come this way.",,http://youtu.be/QLOfC1Xx3Ak,3,StaffOfTruth,2014-08-03 20:24:36 theredpillrebooted,1ikdyg,I can feel it getting lighter.,,http://www.wikihow.com/Lighten-the-Colour-of-Your-Hair,7,appleman94,2013-07-18 16:06:24 theredpillrebooted,1ik55o,BBC - Food - Recipes : Kaiserschmarrn with strawberry sauce,,http://www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/kaiserschmarrn_with_86930,3,[deleted],2013-07-18 14:09:18 theredpillrebooted,1i0w26,The holy grail of /r/theredpillrebooted,,http://www.foodnetwork.com/chefs/100-greatest-cooking-tips-of-all-time/index.html,7,[deleted],2013-07-10 18:38:18 RedPillWomen,13famda,We Found Where We Stashed The Checklist! Getting Started With RPW,"**Beginners Onboarding Checklist** - This is a brief onboarding post to help you navigate and orientate to /r/redpillwomen. This is not a comprehensive RPW red pill theory guidebook, there will be repeated information that can be found in the [sidebar](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/x508xb/back_to_basics_september_the_sidebar/), [wiki landing page](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/wiki/index), [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/wiki/index/tableofcontents), etc. One of the top contributors on RPW previously stated that RPW is not a checklist of actions that make up a 'rpw', instead, a tools in the toolbox ([Checklist or Toolbox: Tradcon is RPW but RPW is not Tradcon](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/mdr62i/tradcon_is_rpw_but_rpw_is_not_tradcon/)) approach is recommended. Following in that same spirit, this is not a checklist that determines a RPW, but instead acts as a beginner's foundation post that should signal you have a basic understanding of what RPW is and potentially earn you a star. --- **Navigating by [User Flair Guide](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/wiki/flairs)** - You’ve likely found yourself on RPW through TRP, PurplePillDebate, or one of the subreddits/channels that are centered around strategic dating (vindicta, FDS, diabla, youtube, social media, etc.). There’s a lot of strange ideas about who and what RPW is, but it’s best to learn who we are by building a real relationship with real people. This can be difficult with more than 66 thousand subscribed members. Thankfully there’s a handy flair guide that will help you navigate the subreddit and to get the best advice. The hierarchy of expertise, reliability, and vetted status is like so: * **Moderators**: Mods and ECs have the privilege and responsibility to award stars to stand out contributors. When a moderator gives instructions, that is not an invitation to argue the matter ([standards of conduct](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/7gn3vw/standards_of_conduct/)) * **Endorsed Contributors**: ECs are community members who have earned 5+ stars for their post/comment contributions and demonstrate excellent RP knowledge as vetted by the Mod Team * **Starred Community Members**: In the same way that stars denote upvotes at RPW, our star flair recognizes our outstanding contributors * **Unstarred Community Members**: While some of these members posts/comments may offer valuable insights and perspectives, others may not reflect the community’s core maxims and values. [Some may have a live duck tied to their ankle](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/b708vd/always_be_sure_to_tie_a_live_duck_to_your_right/) --- **Fast Tracking Your RPW Learning** - This is one of the quick-start guides to help you begin your journey on RPW. Jumping immediately in from chronological order: * [Advice for A RPW Teenager](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/96zhr4/faq_advice_for_an_rpw_teenager/) * [Female Game for Girls in Their 20s from The Rules Revisited](http://www.therulesrevisited.com/2012/12/female-game-for-girls-in-their-20s.html) * [For Single Ladies “Late to the Red Pill”](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/7gqsmu/for_single_ladies_late_to_the_red_pill_part_i/) (3 part series Ages 25+) The macro view of RPW girl game is centered around inner game, outer game, and vetting. Vetting is usually stated last, but is number one in importance after you’ve taken care of your basics. * Inner game boosts RMV (relationship market value): things that inspire men to invest in you long term * Outer game boosts SMV (sexual market value): things that open your access to more men * **Vetting is a fundamental key that strongly determines the success or difficulty of your relationships:** incompatible life goals, abuse, financial instability, [pre-commitment and post-commitment risks](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/putql8/back_to_basics_september_precommitment_risk_vs/), emotional baggage, cheating, lying, etc. can be effectively managed by selecting for competent, functional, and successful men. The stronger you build your vetting skills, the higher probability of a successful and enjoyable relationship you will have. [RPW Vetting Part 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/4yrsdz/vetting_a_man_part_1_seeker_vet_thyself_first/), [Part 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/4yrqed/vetting_a_man_part_2_observational_and_verbal/), [Part 3](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/4yrobj/vetting_a_man_part_3_alpha_and_beta_traits/). --- **Commonly Misunderstood Theory Posts and Frequently Asked Questions** - * **RPW exclusively date RP guys or HVM**: false, [RPW and TRP](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/wiki/index/tableofcontents/trpvsrpw). A man possessing RP knowledge does not guarantee alignment with your values and life goals. A man being extremely attractive, wealthy, successful, or tall does not guarantee that he will be a suitable captain for you or is in harmony with your life. * **Submission as strategy or ideology?**: As previously mentioned, RPW utilizes these principles, maxims, strategies, and tactics as tools in the toolbox. Blind faith following is strongly discouraged and [RPW is not “one size fits all”](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/42ruyb/rpw_is_not_one_size_fits_all/). The objective is to take the tools that you enjoy, prefer, and works for you and to drop the rest. * [**STFU**](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/pwrd5m/back_to_basics_september_stfu/): A common misconception for beginner RPW is that after you've checked the submission box you STFU. That is incorrect. One of [The Essential Duties of the First Mate](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/9qknix/the_essential_duties_of_the_first_mate/) is **reporting ship status**. You are a team and communication is critical. You bring him your problems not your solutions. You tell him how you're feeling, but you do not undermine his authority and disrespect him. * [**The Wall: I'm 24, 21, 25 ^help, ^it's ^crushing ^me**](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/5qi7l6/the_fear_of_the_wall_and_why_im_sick_of_hearing/) * **My N Count is really high, should I lie about this?**: Whisper writes, [so what if you've had a lot of partners](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/j3mlf4/so_what_if_youve_had_a_lot_of_partners/) on addressing past actions strategically and the inner psychology of men and relationship dynamics that allows you to navigate high n count. *This is the power of RPW. Understanding men and relationships is much more powerful than your baggage in the long run.* [Buy Matching Luggage](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/uvxs63/buy_matching_luggage_carry_it_together/) from a top EC balances the social pressure of chasing universally idealized HVM and instead wisely advises to instead seek for high quality men who align with your lifestyle and energy. * **TRP said Women are children, that's bs and mean!**: ""Stay out of the Men's subs until you've developed a good RP knowledge base from the female perspective. Because it's a male space and locker room environment, there exists a certain amount of venting anger and frustration over women."" Read, [Ponderings on ""Maturity""](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1krml5/ponderings_on_maturity/) by FleetingWish and her comments [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1sqjap/thoughts_on_women_the_most_responsible_teenager/ce16bag/). --- **Extra Resources** - RPW holds a yearly **Back to Basics** that highlights standout posts from years past as a refresher course and a guide to the RPW toolbox: * [RPW Back to Basics Mega Compilation](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/13eeakb/rpw_back_to_basics_mega_compilation/) For a deeper understanding of the RPW red pill philosophy, community's core praxeology, and values, it is highly recommended to explore the sidebar, sidebar links, as well as the wiki's [everything you need to know about RPW](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/wiki/index/tableofcontents) and their connected pages. **Extra Tips**: **Pro Tip 1**: Utilize the [RPW Glossary](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/9kl2j8/glossary_of_terms_and_acronyms/) + Search Bar in combination. You'll find field reports, theory posts, and discussion posts which can be easily navigated by keeping an eye out for starred, Endorsed contributor, and moderator flairs. * E.g. Searching ''hamster'' (an old term that has fallen out of use) brings up an immediate [request for advice post](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/948mnj/my_hamster_is_spinning_out_of_control_someone/) from a RPW EC, a [moderator post](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/x3hnwd/back_to_basics_september_red_pill_is_power_here/) that had it mentioned, and a number of other posts. **Pro Tip 2**: While navigating through the search bar and reading highly-referenced articles, build a list of 2 or 3 endorsed/highly-starred contributors with whom you deeply relate. Follow and read their comments and theory posts; you'll find successful social models that align with your values and goals to learn from. **Pro Tip 3**: [Personal Security](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/7gn3zw/personal_security/). Participants on RP communities (TRP, RPW, etc.) will typically have a dedicated RP account. This is for anonymity and reducing probabilities of being doxxed. These dedicated accounts are also useful for writing theory posts, discussions, asking questions to get feedback and calibration, making field reports, and to ask for dating advice and relationship help. These systems are in place on RPW to keep you safe and accelerate your learning and skill development.",,42,FastLifePineapple,2023-05-12 04:25:35 RedPillWomen,13eeakb,RPW Back to Basics Mega Compilation,"This is a compiled list of RPW Back to Basics starting from 2020 to 2023 and will be synthesized with 2024 Back to Basics. **You will find the most current year in the comments.** * **Please note that each years post curators did not write the presented posts (unless stated).** Compilations are being selected from old posts from throughout the years and being brought to the community as a RPW refresher course as a guide to the RPW toolbox. --- **2020** - **2020's Post Curators: pearlsandstilettos, timeforstretchpants** * [Quarantine Reposts: The STFU Method](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/flatu8/quarantine_reposts_the_stfu_method/) * [Quarantine Reposts: Your Relationship is Not Equal](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/fmllv2/quarantine_reposts_your_relationship_is_not_equal/) * [Quarantine Reposts: Childlike vs Childish](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/fmlhdm/quarantine_reposts_childlike_vs_childish/) **2021** - **2021's Post Curators: pearlsandstilettos, LivelyLychee** * [Back to Basics September: The Axioms of RPW](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/pkhy5f/back_to_basics_september_the_axioms_of_rpw/) * [Back to Basics September: What is RPW?](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/pjuysp/back_to_basics_september_what_is_rpw/) * [Back to Basics September: Male Attraction v Female Attraction](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/pls16i/back_to_basics_september_male_attraction_v_female/) * [Back to Basics September: A Metaphor for Men and Women’s SMV](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/pl5r8q/back_to_basics_september_a_metaphor_for_men_and/) * [Back to Basics September: Love and Respect \(For Women Only\)](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/ppjvd2/back_to_basics_september_love_and_respect_for/) * [Back to Basics September: The Wife Tests \[Part 1\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/pmgczd/back_to_basics_september_the_wife_tests_part_1/) * [Back to Basics September: The Wife Tests \[Part 2\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/pnp1oy/back_to_basics_september_the_wife_tests_part_2/) * [Back to Basics September: Relationship Equality](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/pqu9hs/back_to_basics_september_relationship_equality/) * [Back to Basics September: Education, Profession, and the RP Woman](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/pod116/back_to_basics_september_education_profession_and/) * [Back to Basics September: Lessons from Fido on how to be a good first mate](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/ptf4t4/back_to_basics_september_lessons_from_fido_on_how/) * [Back to Basics September - STFU](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/pwrd5m/back_to_basics_september_stfu/) * [Back to Basics September: Love Goggles](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/py3eec/back_to_basics_september_love_goggles/) * [Back to Basics September - For Women Only Sex](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/pyse0a/back_to_basics_september_for_women_only_sex/) * [Back to Basics September: Doormat vs Deference](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/pq6lz0/back_to_basics_september_doormat_vs_deference/) * [Back to Basics September: Submissive Behavior as Strategy](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/prgjnb/back_to_basics_september_submissive_behavior_as/) * [Back to Basics September: The Captain-First Mate Dynamic](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/psr3zs/back_to_basics_september_the_captainfirst_mate/) * [Back to Basics September: the Essential Duties of the First Mate](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/pu41u9/back_to_basics_september_the_essential_duties_of/) * [Submission: Field Report Examples](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/pu9brj/submission_field_report_examples/) * [Back to Basics September: Pre-Commitment Risk vs. Post-Commitment Risk and You](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/putql8/back_to_basics_september_precommitment_risk_vs/) * [Back to Basics September: Dread for Women](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/pw1d3f/back_to_basics_september_dread_for_women/) * [Back to Basics September: Cultivate a Receptive Spirit](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/pxd5t9/back_to_basics_september_cultivate_a_receptive/) **2022** - **2022's Post Curators: pearlsandstilettos, LivelyLychee** * [Back to Basics September: Red Pill is power. Here are some \(amazing\) benefits of taking TRP as a woman](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/x3hnwd/back_to_basics_september_red_pill_is_power_here/) * [Back to Basics September: The Sidebar](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/x508xb/back_to_basics_september_the_sidebar/) * [Back to Basics September: Reconciling RPW vs. TRP](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/x4f8hw/back_to_basics_september_reconciling_rpw_vs_trp/) * [Back To Basics September: Reasons Why Male Led Relationships Work Better](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/x9czc2/back_to_basics_september_reasons_why_male_led/) * [Back to Basics September: Keeping Score in your Relationship](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/x7csro/back_to_basics_september_keeping_score_in_your/) * [Back to Basics September: The Importance of Responsiveness](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/xdbwgu/back_to_basics_september_the_importance_of/) * [Back to Basics September: From the Boy's Side - Covert Contracts](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/x7cwlt/back_to_basics_september_from_the_boys_side/) * [Back to Basics September: Extend an Invitation \(or, How To Inspire Your Man To Be More Alpha\) PART 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/xivnfa/back_to_basics_september_extend_an_invitation_or/) * [Back to Basics September: Extend an Invitation \(or, How to Inspire Your Man To Be More Alpha\) PART 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/xivqqb/back_to_basics_september_extend_an_invitation_or/) * [Back to Basics September: For Women Only - Providing](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/x7cy7a/back_to_basics_september_for_women_only_providing/) * [Back to Basics September: Issue a Challenge \(or, How To Support Your Man After He Stumbles and His Dominance Wavers\)](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/xkjw9f/back_to_basics_september_issue_a_challenge_or_how/) * [Back to Basics September: Femininity isn't Superficial](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/x84eql/back_to_basics_september_femininity_isnt/) * [Back to Basics September: There's a Pair of Sneakers in My Closet](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/x84hxh/back_to_basics_september_theres_a_pair_of/) * [Back to Basics September: Cultivating a Feminine Frame of Mind](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/x84d4e/back_to_basics_september_cultivating_a_feminine/) * [Back to Basics September: The Dangers of Conflating SMV & RMV](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/xa60nr/back_to_basics_september_the_dangers_of/) * [Back to Basics September: For Women Only - Men are Visual](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/xa6619/back_to_basics_september_for_women_only_men_are/) * [Back to Basics September: Vetting a Man Part 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/xf6u2b/back_to_basics_september_vetting_a_man_part_1/) * [Back to Basics September - Vetting a Man Part 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/xf6vxm/back_to_basics_september_vetting_a_man_part_2/) * [Back to Basics September - Vetting a Man Part 3](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/xf6xq9/back_to_basics_september_vetting_a_man_part_3/) * [Back to Basics September - Relationship Dynamics Part 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/xftbg7/back_to_basics_september_relationship_dynamics/) * [Back to Basics September - Relationship Dynamics Part 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/xftmgc/back_to_basics_september_relationship_dynamics/) * [Back to Basics September - For Women Only - Insecurity & Affirmation](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/xl9pwo/back_to_basics_september_for_women_only/) * [Back to Basics September - For Women Only - Providing](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/xl9rb7/back_to_basics_september_for_women_only_providing/)",,42,FastLifePineapple,2023-05-11 05:44:24 RedPillWomen,1aic2r1,"Dating 4+ years, boyfriend hasn’t proposed and I’m ready to be married and have babies","Title really says it all. Been with my boyfriend 4 years now, he is it. I’m almost so frustrated that he hasn’t proposed because whether he’s broke, poor, rich, wealthy, who cares - he’s it. Our souls are the same, our morals align, and we have had discussions that we want to be together. I’m coming to an interesting crossroads though and I don’t have the parental guidance in my life to ask this advice. I want babies - I want to be married, I want to be pregnant, I want a family, I will keep my husband happy, all of it. I’m 27 so I’m sad it hasn’t happened yet. He says “we” need to be financially stable before that happens - but I know he is in the top 5% income earners. My question is - what would you do in my situation? I feel like IM ready, he’s not, and daring 4 years now should be plenty. I’m worried I’m wasting my youth and he’ll decide he wants better/different. While he is 100% “the one” in my eyes - is he really if he won’t propose? Bc I’m 100% ready and I don’t want to be the 35 year old bride doing IVF.",,17,Public-Papaya-9586,2024-02-04 01:34:38 RedPillWomen,1aid1tw,Moving in with boyfriend - dealing with parents?,"Hi all! I know we usually focus on romantic relationships but I’d love RPW minded advice for a parental one, mainly dad actually lol. This community has grounded me so many times. I (25f) live at home with my mom and sister but I’ve been strongly contemplating moving out with my boyfriend for a while now. This household has become extremely toxic and stressful and I share a room with my sister (14) so I think overall it’s about time I move out. I also love my boyfriend to bits of course!! My boyfriend and I graduated last December and he moved back home (2 hrs away). His parent’s home has a studio we can go live in while we wait to enter grad school (back in my city) so ideally we’d love to get engaged and move in together, giving my sister her personal space as she’s growing and also leaving the stressful environment. I’m Christian, as is my dad, and my goal was always to be married before moving in. But due to my home life getting worse I think I need to move out like, yesterday LOL, for everyone’s mental being. I know my dad has objections to me getting married cause when it’s been brought up in the past he says I’m too young, haven’t experience a lot of life, I’m too soft etc. Objections will be even greater since I’m moving in before marriage. He knows my home life situation and agrees I need to leave, however we had discussed me moving in with my grandma or even with him. However, as much as I love them, there’s not adequate space for me and it’d be me conforming to other people’s lives in a way. I have the opportunity to start my own life and with a man I love, with a dedicated space for me and my things. Anyone have any helpful advice or tips? How did everyone’s convos go once the time came??",,3,pinkparadigm,2024-02-04 02:24:20 RedPillWomen,1ai7y7w,What are some Red Pill related podcasts I could listen to?,,,4,slicedgreenolive,2024-02-03 22:22:33 RedPillWomen,1ai0k6c,Husband has no hobbies or interests,"Reposting this here since I didn't get much help from the other sub. Hoping some more like-minded women will have some insight. My husband and I have been together for a decade now, and while our values, politics, pace of life and goals align perfectly, my husband has no hobbies or interests. He's always been this way for the most part, so it isn't new. During the COVID lockdowns I remember we tried to get him into a few things like wood carving, restoring watches and old furniture, etc, but nothing spoke to him. In general he is an extremely stoic and ""vanilla"" guy. He doesn't even enjoy listening to music, which is insane to me. He says he's been like this his entire life. The only thing he does that could even be considered a hobby is watching TV, and he's told me that he doesn't even enjoy it. It's just a way for him to turn off his brain. He works a ton so it's relaxing for him to not have to think. This is fine and understandable, but it saddens me that nothing makes him feel passionate. Meanwhile, I have such a long list of hobbies that I sometimes get overwhelmed by them. I've tried to get him interested in some of them but he's just not into it. Over the years I've tried to find common interests/activities we could do together to bond as well as solo activities, such as but not limited to: Walking Art Music Board games Puzzles Reading Creative writing And many more. The closest thing he's ever come to having a hobby has been gardening, but we live in an apartment with no yard right now thanks to the economy in the US being garbage. He seems to be happy to be with me when we go shopping for every day stuff or when we go to antique stores or museums, but there really aren't any of those around the area that we could visit with any frequency. The experience also isn't really ""bonding"" for me, as it's usually just me showing him things and him looking at them. It rarely seems to lead to any meaningful dialogue. Aside from this issue, our marriage is very good. He is supportive, loyal, gentle and selfless. We have a son together who we bond over, but I worry that once he's grown and out of the house we won't have anything left. Have any of you dealt with this situation? I have zero interest in leaving him, but I just wish we had something we could do together besides raising our son or shopping. I also want him to experience what it's like to have something that gives you purpose and drive (aside from being a parent, of course). tl;dr: Husband has no hobbies and I want to find something for us to do together and for him to enjoy on his own.",,8,Nostalchiq,2024-02-03 16:56:28 RedPillWomen,1ai7u3b,what do you think of loyalty tests,"so im trying to learn of ways to really test a partners worth by a loyalty test via someone else testing their loyalty. I keep reading online after researching this topic that a loyalty test is manipulative. What i find odd is that a cheater is going to be manipulative regardless. So a loyalty test in my eyes is to determine if my potential with this partner will continue because even without a loyalty test, this exact test will happen inn the real world when im away. They will hide the truth at that point. So a loyalty test will confirm their response before it happens in another situation. I have to ask myself what if the test was played onn me. Honestly i believe i would be very happy and try to reassure my partner that i am 100% committed. I would feel only love because its a sign they really want to be serious. I would only want to do this test once however. Too often would be too much. What do you think about loyalty testing? Manipulative? or a smart test? If the partner is true to the relationship. I would tell them the truth and reward them. Id recommend watching the youtube videos of loyalty tests and see for yourself. Without the test. Those people would be led blind by unfaithful TRUE manipulators.",,2,IrishPowerMachine,2024-02-03 22:17:40 RedPillWomen,1ahq9z3,Aging and Becoming Less Attractive,"The only thing holding me back from going full-in red pill is the fact that men find other women sexually attractive. Fortunately, my (26F) boyfriend (28M) finds me very attractive (I’m his exact physical type) and I’m generally a conventionally attractive woman, but I fear the future and losing my youth, sexual attractiveness, and beauty. How does Red Pill teach us to cope with this? I’ve read the sidebar but have not found an answer. I already know the “do the best you can, maintain your weight, take care of yourself as you age” advice. But that only goes so far. I’m thinking about hitting 50, 60, 70 years old and at that age you obviously can’t compete with the 20 year old girls. At a certain age, there’s just not a way to be sexually attractive because a lot of female attractiveness is associated with youth. I feel resentment for men and my boyfriend, just because I know they aren’t capable of truly only having eyes for me. It hurts me and it makes me question if being in a relationship is truly worth it (as crazy as that may sound). I just want to be the only woman my boyfriend wants or thinks about, and the sidebar makes it seem like that’s impossible and I should accept that. I want to be full red pill but accepting “oh yeah my boyfriend finds other women attractive” causes me a lot of pain. And I would imagine the pain only gets worse as the woman ages, because she can’t compete with the younger women who are at their peak physical attractiveness. I know I’m getting the cart ahead of the horse and I should be relishing in the current beauty and attractiveness I have, but it’s hard to realize that I may lose my looks one day and my husband will still be looking at other women -- younger women I cant compete with. I would appreciate any encouragement or insight. I’m hurt, sad, and upset by this realization and am having a rough time emotionally",,17,reddit_user_214,2024-02-03 07:07:45 RedPillWomen,1ahu38q,"communicating being hurt over lack of communication vs begging for attention, how?","my long distance boyfriend hasn't called in 4 days, mostly because he's busy with friends (not on a guys trip or anything, he comes home every night) I don't mind that, I love that for him but a 5 min call when he comes home would be nice especially since we're used to talk daily. yesterday I texted him I miss you, he left me on delivered for 15 hours and I know he saw that text because he was active on his phone and that made me very upset and unappreciated. today when he texted me I felt physically sick, like my body having a reaction to his response since it doesn't feel genuine and I hate how much resentment I built up the past few days. I keep wondering if I'm being overdramatic or overly sensitive, I don't want to have to ask him to call me, I want him to miss me so much and does it because he wants to not becuse I beg him to. but I don't want to be toxic and expect him to read my mind because that would be unfair. any insight is highly appreciated",,4,throwra20035,2024-02-03 11:27:59 RedPillWomen,1ahqo0r,How can I be a soft landing space if I'm utterly drained after work?,"Hi beautiful ladies,I am a full-time teacher, also an introvert. I am in a school environment that is as good as it gets, with generally all-around-good children, yet it can get utterly exhausting. The emotional exhaustion then leaks into physical exhaustion. I am athletic and take pride in my fitness, but the emotional instability makes me lose motivation for my exercise regimen. In the past, in my early years as a teacher, my exhaustion and stress somaticized into arrhythmia. Thankfully, I no longer have arrhythmia but I am easier to lose my temper. It is difficult addressing others' needs at home after work, and I've found myself getting cross with family. If you are in a job that centers around care and fulfilling others' needs, how do you rejuvenate your happy spirit? What are your regulatory strategies?",,8,Throwawaylikehay,2024-02-03 07:34:03 RedPillWomen,1ahgvi8,Not Just For Anyone,"I had a conversation with my boyfriend on a drive home recently. I told him how yet another friend of mine ""wishes she could meet a man like I have."" And ""your relationship is so good."" He told me why don't I tell her why our relationship us so good next time she says she wants what we have. He said I wouldn't be this way with anyone it's because of me and how I respect him and myself that he wants to step up for me and us. I thought this was a good idea, and it also made me want to ask y'all: If a friend asked you how you keep a beautiful, healthy, happy RPW relationship what would be the most important thing you'd tell her? *I think this post is best for women in relationships (LTR or marriage) to reply to and for single women to get insight. But anyone is free to comment what they think. I would personally say learn how to listen better. It's the best advice I've gotten. My boyfriend and I (27 F, 26 M for 3 years) have better conversations, communication, and understanding because I let him finish a complete thought.",,37,AmilliBee,2024-02-02 22:57:37 RedPillWomen,1ai2jzt,SEX WITH NO DESIRE?,"I (27F) lost my virginity when I was 12 years old as I was raped by someone I don't know... and I'm just sharing this for you guys to have a background on my sexuality history. Fast forward to my 18year old self I have my first time with a boyfriend. And I thought I had a high sex drive because I want it all the time, although we only saw each other once in a while (3x per month or even less). After breaking up with that boyfriend I had multiple experiences (counting 23 guys total in a span of 6 years years and no serious long-term relationship. When I was 24, Ive met my husband (30M) and I fell in love with him, I shared my whole history as we are very transparent people. During the beginning of our relationship we only saw each other in person once a week and we always had sex... we even had sex 9 times in the span of 24 hours once... BUT NOW HERE COMES THE PROBLEM... after we got married (Still 24 but turning 25 yo) and started living together I realized I don't want sex all the time like before and that I feel satisfied if I have sex once a week. He didn't like that as he has a very high sex drive. The argument about this comes and goes and it passed 2 years and the argument still comes back every time I say no. A while ago we decided let's have 2-3 times a week and the reality is that I can only do it twice a week as the third time I'm really not in the mood. I don't want to just do it to avoid a fight, as that makes me feel trapped. He tried to learn about what he can do but I don't know, we try massages, dancing in kitchen but it doesn't work when I'm not in the mood. today... I told him that if I just start kissing him and he immediately says ""let's have sex"" that turns me down and he says that's unrealistic as when he doesn't ask I don't ask for it. So I said that I work better when I have a schedule as that makes my mind aware of what's gonna happen... he says that makes him feel bad as we can never have spontaneous sex, which he loves. I feel like we are just not compatible. It's getting very problematic... PS. IT'S FIRST TIME POSTING HERE, IF THIS POST IS NOT NECESSARILY FOR THIS SUBREDDIT LET ME KNOW AND I APOLOGIZE. I'M ONLY POSTING HERE BECAUSE I SAW ANOTHER WOMAN'S POST ABOUT SIMILAR TOPIC, BUT THE DIFFERENCE IS THAT SHE LIKES TO GIVE IN EVEN NOT IN THE MOOD BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO PLEASURE HER PARTNER AND UNFORTUNATELY THAT TRIGGERS ME AND I CANT DO IT.",,1,Silent-Effective-371,2024-02-03 18:23:34 RedPillWomen,1ahp22p,"“Daddy Issues”, love, trust, and respect for men","I’ve seen some great discussions here about being a good first mate when your own mother didn’t model the dynamic, and I’m curious about the other side of it. - If your father or father figure was not great at being a parent, or not great at being a partner to your mother/mother figure, or both, do you think this affected the type of men you prefer, or your ability to respect or to trust a romantic partner? - If it negatively impacted you, how did you overcome it? - A common view in tradcon circles is that the degree to which a woman respects her father is indicative of how much she respects men in general. I know we’re not all in those circles, but for those of you who have encountered this mindset, do you agree or disagree? Have you ever had a partner or date express concern over this, and if so how did you navigate it? (For the male contributors, would it have been a concern if your potential wife/LTR were on bad terms with her father, and would the reasons matter?) My own father was a great dad, but not so great as a husband. My mother is very naturally aligned with RPW, was a textbook tradwife, submissive, stayed hot after 4 kids, and he still was repeatedly unfaithful. They are divorced, but she never talked bad about him and insisted that my siblings and I maintained a relationship with him. I love my dad and was very close to him, but I do respect him less since I found out why my mom left him. My way of dealing with it is to try to focus on what I can learn from the situation. - I don’t think it impacts my type or respect for other men, but it did impact my ability to trust. I have addressed this in therapy, and I vet for men with a strong sense of duty and good self-control. - Taking a cue from my mom, I try to focus on how my dad has been there for me and my siblings rather than how he failed her. We’ve discussed her mistakes as well, especially things she overlooked when vetting. My dad is happily remarried to a career woman in a classic L/HL dominance level dynamic, and to my knowledge has been faithful to her. What type of husband a man wants to be is just as important as what type of wife he wants for determining compatibility. - I still do my best to have a good relationship with my dad. I don’t go into details about my parents’ divorce while getting to know a man unless he asks (since cheating is one of the few situations where my religion permits divorce, sometimes this makes a difference for men). Even then, I focus on how it reinforced my values, for example “I’ve experienced firsthand how infidelity can impact a family, so I think it’s important for spouses to feel comfortable honestly communicating their desires and to respect each other by avoiding compromising situations.”",,4,Mighty_Wombat42,2024-02-03 05:51:38 RedPillWomen,1ahpzyc,Balancing career and a traditional man.,"I’m at a loss at the moment. I am a 20F going to a private university for Spacecraft Engineering. I grew up in a conservative household. I have a firecracker of a mother who always warned me to provide for myself to follow my career. I feel lost. I dedicated my life to building this career. I’m almost out of school and it’s been a struggle the whole way. I’m proud of myself and I want to be the legacy to my family name. But I also feel lost because I want to be a mother at home at some point. I want to be taken care of. I have a dominant personality. I grew up with brothers. I’m in a male dominated career and a school of mostly males. I’ve always had male friends. When I meet men they love how I interact with them. They appreciate my humor. And I also love being feminine and pretty but once they have me they don’t like the male friends. I don’t dress traditional, more alternative. They want that, but when they get it it seems to be Im not feminine enough, I think they just want to date a girl with black hair if I’m being honest lmao. I’m so lost with how to balance these lifestyles. I feel like I can do all of if in time and I can balance so much, but recently men in my life make me feel like I’m not capable of that. I want to work on my career for a little bit then be a mother and eventually go back in as my kids are older. I am not willing to give up what I’ve worked for. But are there any women who have lived through this. How can I balance these and fight for both. Has anyone done it? Has anyone balanced their gender nonconformity with a traditional man and life? Did it make you happy?",,4,hellllomate,2024-02-03 06:49:44 RedPillWomen,1ahrxrk,"My bf is angry at me, what do I do?","Long story short: My bf has been super busy, trying to help our home situations and himself, he wants to be able to pay the bills, we are both 21 and I’m worried, as I kept going to his door, I’d travel for over one hour to see him, because I had missed him so much and i also didn’t enjoy how things were at home, he has anger issues and cannot talk maturely when he’s angry and he’d say things ‘of course I’m sorry for your home situation but i cannot do anything right now, i can’t move us out’ and he’d also mention how I’m getting in the way of things by going to his door as he’s busy and there’s a reason his phone is shut off as ‘he’s locked in’ and doesn’t want distractions… i always feel like he constantly finds reasons to demonize me, whilst I’m wrong for showing up unannounced his phone is always off.. so if I tell him I’m coming i also have this fear he’ll try to push me out.. So now yesterday, things weren’t great, he really wanted me to go and i was refusing especially as things were horrid in my home life, i desperately want him back as he’s not speaking to me and he said he may talk to me later, I’m very frustrated because he runs away from our problems and he’s pushed my boundaries of insulting me and attacking me, it’s not very masculine.. What do i do for him to message me? I thought about showing up to his house but I’m worried his sister may open the door instead of him..",,1,PhyllisKepner,2024-02-03 09:01:02 RedPillWomen,1ahoa03,What are some flexible careers or jobs for a mom/wife?,I recently had a baby and currently a stay at home mom. I am thinking that I want bring in a little bit of money here and there but don't want it to take too much time away from my husband and baby. Im not opposed to going back to college if need be. I do have a degree in elementary education but not sure if i ever want to go back to teaching. Any ideas?,,2,UnusualBlueberry2320,2024-02-03 05:06:25 RedPillWomen,1agspf5,STFU or be vulnerable?,"Hello all! I need advice on whether to STFU or be vulnerable. Here’s the situation: I accidentally saw my boyfriend’s search history about half a year ago while he was deployed. It was quite a bit of porn. I spent the time he was away figuring out how I felt about it. He’s back now, and I’ve been waiting for things to settle down to talk about it. I brought it up today - it was a calm discussion, I issued no ultimatums and let him know that the only reason his porn consumption is my business was if I ever felt it was negatively affecting our relationship (which I currently don’t). Otherwise, that’s on his paper, not mine. I just wanted to let him know that it had happened. He was understandably embarrassed and expressed it’s not something he wants to do and that he would stop (Again, completely his choice whether to stop or not). That was about the extent of it - it was over in maybe 5-10 minutes, then he was done talking and went to the store. I fully understand that men need time to process things before they’re ready to talk. Here’s where I’m not sure what to do next - do I leave it alone unless he brings it up again? Or do I give it a week and broach the subject again for a more in depth conversation? I feel like there’s so much left unsaid, and so many questions I still have. He’s unlikely to bring it up on his own, so I need to decide whether to deal with my questions internally and STFU, or be vulnerable and restart a conversation that was already difficult to bring up in the first place. Thank you all!",,15,river_tam2x2,2024-02-02 02:19:06 RedPillWomen,1ag9gr8,Why are You a Red Pill Woman?,"There are lots of posts about how to be a Red Pill Woman; but I have not seen many that discuss our individual motivations to commit to such tough ideology? So why are you a Red Pilled Woman? * Because of how you were raised? * Because you think it is the right thing to do? * Because you see it has results for your husband? * Because it makes you happy?",,28,TheRedPilledLurker,2024-02-01 12:05:59 RedPillWomen,1agsl2v,Please help me vet men.,"Hi folks, right now I have 3 prospective guys who are interested in dating and I'm not socially astute enough to vet guys. As you know, I'm severe/moderate autistic (I've had the cops called on me for violent public tantrumming after age 30) 41, Asian, leaning toward Christianity, low body count and never partied. Basically the problem is these guys have a high body count, party past and often a drug past beyond just weed. Guy 1: 55 looks 70 military contractor. He's super nice but had admitted he took LSD before driving. Formerly a dead beat dad and his exwife is in Africa where he used to live. His 22/24 sons run wild, circles around him. Believes Meditation would protect him from gun violence. High body count and used to be a swinger but says he's a changed man. Makes 100k and doesn't save a penny. Openly said to me that he doesn't know how to save money. Meanwhile i executed my first trade within a month of my 18th birthday. Highest income lowest IQ. Guy 2: 48, looks normal, regular low income dude, similar cultural background to me, makes sarcastic borderline racist classist jokes but says it's a joke. I introduced him to my plasma clinic and he filmed a lurid tik Tok inside revealing secrets of the plasma clinic, that's kinda ducked up. He says he uses the money for beer. Which I'm against, I use it for bills. Extensive history of the rave party scene and has driven interstate often to attend a rave party. Second highest IQ. Guy 3: 39, I don't think he's interested in me anymore because I said something that caused him to call me a republican. Typical tradesman I grew up with. He got extremely involved in a political party called the black flags or the white flags and now has difficulty speaking without quoting anarchosocialist gurus such as Bakunin(?). I said I'm a liberal but he got frustrated because liberal means conservative. Highest IQ of the group. Which guy should I move forward with? The only one that makes over $50,000 or has kids is Guy 1 but the drug thing frightens me. Guys 2/3 don't seem to have any sexual or drug history. Have any folks on this forum dated a dude with a drug or sexual past that you're trying to ignore? What are your thoughts on this matter? People think a psychiatric history is the same as a drug or sexual one. Thing is we can't choose our psych past but druggies choose to do drugs.",,0,SquirrelofLIL,2024-02-02 02:13:11 RedPillWomen,1ag9lmj,How to have an emotional connection? *Cross posted*,"Well my last post was wildly judged, so I'll try a different route. I (38f) want an emotional connection with my husband (39m); honesty, communication, vulnerability, etc. He says he wants that now (not quite two months into attempted reconciliation), but that previously an emotional connection never occurred to him. We have been married 15 years. He said previously his ideal perception of marriage was sex and no fighting. My concern is that if I do all the things recommended I'll never get an emotional connection because he will be getting that ideal marriage. Important to mention he is severely avoidant and has intense difficulty with emotions. He has been able to get used to it with his sponsor, counselor, and support group, but he says its because they always encourage him and provide affirmation even when he is wildly in the wrong. I don't really know how to encourage him and make him feel good about when he hurts me, so I definitely feel like I'll never reach the level they are at. I would appreciate advice vs judgement please.",,7,Few-Laugh-6508,2024-02-01 12:13:37 RedPillWomen,1ag24d1,"If finances were no obstacle, how many children would you have?","Women of the Red Pill, Realistically, as of now projecting into your future, if finances were very comfortable and healthcare was solid and you had a supportive spouse/partner/family, how many children do you think you'd like to have? Is there a limit on the number of children or on the age of last pregnancy? Has this been a contentious issue in past or present relationships? Have your views changed on this topic as you've gotten older or started having children?",,17,Key-Tie2542,2024-02-01 04:11:48 RedPillWomen,1afvf5m,"Success story, and a lesson -","Love wins, again! Coming back to share a success story. About a year and a half ago, I posted an issue that was happening in my relationship where my man would get vocally frustrated over things I thought were extremely disproportionate. I thought that he should “embody his masculine energy” (lol) silently, and not ever even slightly raise his voice at me. Shockingly, about 99% of the commenters told me to leave this man. There was only one comment that told me to stay, and I wish I could make them a nice steak dinner. This commenter asked me what was happening when my man raised his voice last. I said it was when we were on a busy and dangerous street, and my keys had fallen to the bottom of my bag - I was trying to fish them out to get us inside. This commenter said that he was doing the most masculine thing possible (protecting me), and that I should look back at his other moments of frustration and try to understand them if I really love him. Lo and behold, I looked back at each one and there was a reason why he had become righteously upset. Whether it was me, the situation, stress about work - he was always thinking of our future together in his frustration. Anyways, that was a year and a half ago. Now, I listen to Laura Doyle’s podcast at the gym every day for my self care. And some miraculous things have changed - he pursued, on his own, treatment for ADHD that was solving some of the anger. After that treatment, he wrangled a shockingly good role making 250% more than he was previously - twice what I make in my goofy corporate girlboss job, setting us up for an amazing future. He thanks me every day for being such a good woman and inspiring him to be a better person. He pushes me towards my goals and enables me to be my best self. We just celebrated our 3 year anniversary, where he lavished me with my favorite things (a long run, a trip to the flower shop, chocolate mousse - and runway archive pieces from my favorite designer’s third collection, truly an arm and a leg). I was able to receive it all graciously based on what I learned here. And - he’s ring shopping!!!!!!!!!!!! All that to say. Please don’t trust every advice you read here. There are women here that don’t fully understand the whole picture, or aren’t actually redpilled, and you are likely telling the story in your own favor. Stick to reading books from trusted authors. And - if you have made the commitment to love, then love. Do it well. Forget everything but love. It’s the most powerful force on the planet, and what our lives are all about.",,40,deviant_priestess,2024-01-31 22:57:31 RedPillWomen,1afvfk5,Wanting to stop birth control,"Hello, I would really appreciate some advice on birth control and its side effects, and how my situation relates to all of it. For some context: I have been on the pill since I was 12/13, and I am 21 now. My periods started when I was 11 and before starting birth control they were pretty heavy. The main reason I started birth control was to regulate them and clear up some bad acne that I had, and for about 4 years now I have had no issues with either. (However the clear skin could maybe be attributed to sticking to a skincare routine better than I did as a preteen.) I did not start BC with the intention of having sex (at 13 of course not). Not saying it was out of the question when I was 18+, but I never had a boyfriend while I was a teenager, and I am against casual sex and hookups. I have a boyfriend now and this factors into my decision about stopping birth control. Recently online (twitter) I have been seeing people talk about how bad the side effects of BC are for young women, and how high the risks are for complications in the future. I have never experienced some of the worst ones, deppression or blood/heart issues, but I am really worried about how my fertility and mood might be effected if I continue to take BC, and how it might affect those things when I come off it. I have never truly 'needed' birth control, as I have never been sexually active. My boyfriend and I are also long distance, so even now that I do have a partner, it's not something we've needed to worry about. However with a plan to visit him in the summer, my worries with BC are a bit inconvienient. My main concern with continuing birth control is how it could negatively affect (or has already started affecting) my fertility and hormones, and to a lesser extent the health issues it might cause (though after 14 years with no complications I am less concerned about that). As for stopping BC, obviously there is a higher chance of pregnancy, but I am also worried about mood changes, and how my body will respond to suddenly stopping after so long. It would also suck to have a face full of acne again but of course I would take that over health problems. Anyway, if anyone has been in a similar situation I would really love to hear how these things affected you. Stopping birth control after a long time or continuing on birth control for a long time, and if any side effects have occured because of either. (and to quickly note yes I am going to talk to my boyfriend :) and yes I am definitely going to talk to my doctor as well! The real reason I wanted to ask this here is because I align with a lot of the perspectives and opinions this sub holds and I am hoping some people will understand where I am coming from with my worries haha)",,16,tinkspace,2024-01-31 22:57:56 RedPillWomen,1afh3f3,Why am I so combative and struggle with being pleasant?,"I (22F) have come to notice that I am someone that always has an answer, always snaps back at people and I almost always trying to assert some sort of dominance people. Example: ""hey have you bought oranges?"" instead of just saying ""yes"", I will say ""yes, you know i have"". Why am i like that? I feel like I do this sort of little thing all the time even to my bf (21). How do i mitigate it?",,27,Vegetable_Captain401,2024-01-31 12:49:09 RedPillWomen,1af72la,Why do men prefer to try to make boss babes tradwives instead of going for actual women who aspire to be tradwives?,"I'm a woman who practices and admires traditionalism and notices that the men who are traditional seem to go for ""boss babe"" girls. Should I just go into the military and get a life and quit trying to be a wife? Thanks for all the comments. im useless.",,45,PatientLeg3731,2024-01-31 02:43:09 RedPillWomen,1afbgad,I need to forgive his sexual past but don't know how.,"My (38f) husband (39m) previously had a porn addiction and has been in recovery a little over a year. We separated a few months ago because of his addiction and his constant lying. He finally wanted to change after I slept with someone else and he realized I really would leave. Married 15yr, together 17yr. Initially reconciliation was going well, then I fell right back into the same pattern. I get triggered by his past and don't trust that he is honest. For reference, he started having to fantasize about porn or other women to even be with me when I was pregnant, then progressively stopped having sex with me altogether. Before he quit porn he didn't touch me for almost five years. He admitted right before we separated that he slept with me while closing his eyes and imagining the super hot waitress we had while we were on date night that night (who was literally almost 20 years younger than him). Here is the issue; he is showing me he really is sorry, but I can't accept it because everything he ever did was in secret and I know I'm not his physical type. His type is tan/blonde with huge breasts (he once said that is his absolute favorite thing about a woman), tiny waist, big butt. He has always said titty f*cking is one of his favorite acts. I'm fair skinned, smaller breast, average waist, medium size butt. At a healthy weight titty f*cking is not an option. I resent the hell out of him for this... most men would be thrilled to get bl*wjobs all the time, but he wishes he could have the thing I can't give him. He says that doesn't matter anymore, that he loves me and never wants to risk losing me again. I want to believe him, but I don't know how. I can't go out in public with him because its too much. I get enraged every time I see a woman that fits his ideal. Also important to the story...we have amazing sex, but I am the high libido partner. He was high libido when it was porn/lust, but is lower when its just me. His isn't low per se, but once or twice a week doesn't bother him in the least. Yes all his levels have been checked and are fine. Yes I have done everything possible to make sure the sex is amazing for him. How do I even reconcile if I can't move on? How do you move on from this?",,8,Few-Laugh-6508,2024-01-31 06:35:01 RedPillWomen,1af61hh,I’m 24 years old: should I start dating to marry or dating for fun/self discovery is fine?,"Hello everyone, I can’t stop thinking about having children. All my choices seem to align with that desire. I’ve been going on dates and I’m struggling to feel like I could settle with any of them. Financially, it seems like our goals wouldn’t align, too much alcohol etc. Some are still fine, making me happy in the moment… I’m not having sex with any of them/not even a kiss but sometimes it still feels dirty. I feel like in 10 years, I’ll have a very different life from any of them Is it better to hold out for the right one? Should I keep rejecting people until someone feels worth investing myself in? Even the « okay » ones? According to you, what’s the ideal strategy for people in my age range? Thank you✨",,14,codecadence,2024-01-31 01:53:05 RedPillWomen,1af45tt,Is feminine appearance and energy enough?,"Hi:) I have been dating someone since summer and it’s really lovely. He is only 6 years older than me, but we are in pretty different places in life. I appreciate that… he is actually the youngest person I was fielding during my dating lol. I am drawn to older men who are successful and accomplished. The initial part of attracting that type of person was easy, and so was feeling like I brought something to their life. But… I am in nursing school and work full time & I feel boring right now. I have other passions that I want to dedicate time to (dance, arts/crafts, baking, gardening) but I have so little time to do them. I don’t want to overstate this, but I have been busy before and still made time, this is just something else lol. I am still maintaining my appearance 100% and feel able to drop the stress of the week and bring feminine qualities like playfulness, calmness, gratitude etc. when we spend time but… I am feeling insecure. Like, he has all of these passions and fun things going on (which he includes me in, and that I admire and express admiration for) and all I am doing is homework and work and going to the gym? I feel boring when I describe my week. I try to bring up the good things about school and work, but it kind of makes me feel small compared to him and the other people in his life. I was doing dance classes and more social stuff outside of seeing him last semester, bc it was less busy, but now I don’t feel like I have time. I am so desperate to do what I love, for myself and bc I know it’s attractive, but I can’t fit it in, some weeks I barely have time to see him. I feel like I’m roughing it and it’s hard to feel confident about it, plus I still have a year and a half left of school. I know some of you have way more on your plate (and no advice is going to give me more hours in a week lol) so TLDR how do y’all navigate stressful times w/ grace and maintain your femininity? Not just in how you present yourself (in appearance and interactions, which I feel like I have pretty down) but in how you feel and live? What should I do about my insecurity that the heavy work/school focus of my life means I’m not as attractive? Is feminine appearance and energy enough, in your opinion? Any and all points anyone wants to address are very welcome and appreciated:) Thanks❤️",,8,bbbunny123,2024-01-31 00:26:01 RedPillWomen,1aeue56,Bl*wjob vs Handj*b vs Regular S*x,"A lot of the theory posts and advice given on this subreddit seems to treat bl\*wjobs as the default s\*xual action wives should give to husbands. Why is this? What about handj\*bs or just s\*x? Are bl\*wjobs referred by men or are they just the easiest to give? Are bl\*wjobs your preferred method or pleasing your husband over handj\*bs or s\*x? I am a virgin so I have no idea. Thank you.",,12,TheRedPilledLurker,2024-01-30 17:46:17 RedPillWomen,1aenv2z,Extremely different sleeping habits,"I (22F) and my husband (23M) have very different habits . I: tend to tuck in later . Busy myself with whatever until 11 or 12. Put on music or rain sounds and drift to sleep with the fan on. My husband: sleep at 9-10 needs it pitch dark and completely silent and I cannot move in the bed whatsoever. This was whatever when we where dating for naps cause I was just so in love however we are New married and I’m concerned . It’s currently 7 am and I haven’t slept a wink and he is annoyed cause I keep moving and he has work at 9. I like to play music or keep the tv going to tune out my thoughts cause I have bad anxiety and tend to over think. I also have a childish fear or the dark so it’s hard for me. I feel bad keeping him up but when I try to sleep I start over thinking and fear and scary thoughts of the dark keep me up. What should I do🥹",,6,EquivalentHuman7658,2024-01-30 13:00:46 RedPillWomen,1aexcol,does going for drinks as a first meet signify that he will want to split the bill/want something casual??,I will just say although I'm not a red pill woman i grew up traditionally and i appreciate and respect the standpoint when it comes to dating so ive come to ask this!! thank u,,1,itsalwaysdifferent,2024-01-30 19:44:14 RedPillWomen,1aew0oq,Broke up with my BF (23m),"I'm 22 F, I was sleeping with a guy for last 1 year and I like him so much but I'm not sure about him because I'm a mess. The thing is I've a lot of attention and the guy I was sleeping with developed feelings for me and vice versa. Why am I afraid of getting with him? Also he's a bit traditional, won't allow me to wear revealing dresses. He wanted me to stop talking to the guys I have some romantic history with, although I'm not going to do anything with them he still wanted me to stop. He's handsome, tall, well spoken, treats everyone with respect and has tremendous self respect. It feels like he has got it all, a good physique, good job and sometimes I feel like he might end up more successful than I will ever be. But as of now I've ended things he hasn't even texted or called. Will he ever come back, will I ever find someone like him again 😔. Please help",,0,Unhappy_Panic2501,2024-01-30 18:50:58 RedPillWomen,1aejx2u,Confused on what red pill lifestyle means ???,Can someone explain to me how to live as a red pill woman,,1,[deleted],2024-01-30 08:46:20 RedPillWomen,1ae2l2v,How to avoid unserious relationships as a woman? Or men who just want s*x.,"I'm making this post because I know alot of women get into that situation and I guess I worry sometimes, if I ever was with someone and turns out they weren't as serious as I thought etc. Of course I have standards more now and I would only be with someone who seems serious... But some men even pretend. I would just like to hear any advice and stories lol. Plus I think it'd be helpful for other women :)",,14,beautyrosexo,2024-01-29 18:38:09 RedPillWomen,1adu6bc,Boyfriend defended domestic abuse (but has not been violent). Where to go from here?,"For background: I (23F) and this guy (31M) have been dating for almost 3 months - and, so far, we've had two big discussions; one where he was scared of starting a relationship and becoming vulnerable, shortly after our first date, and this one. We have been intimate. Things are great most of the time, as it should be. He's more conservative than I am, but we both agreed on a relationship that is male-led. I'm the soft landing spot, and he's the leader. Etc. We both want marriage and kids. Somehow, one of our conversations ended up being about a video I came across of a dating podcast, in which three men said women should endure domestic abuse. I thought it's absurd, and plain wrong, and assumed it'd be his reaction too but - he said domestic abuse could be an ""appropriate measure"" for ""some people"". And things went downhill from there. He's said he bets some women would provoke men to abuse them for alimony, that most of the abusive relationships he's seen had the female as the perpetrator of violence, that I just don't know if the physical abuse was caused by ""something they did"", etc. He has also said that it doesn't apply to me - that he's not violent, he never hit a woman (though later he said he did, but in self-defense and lightly), and he'd never do it to me. He has defined the group that deserves violence as ""the working class"" originally, then said it was a miscommunication and he really meant terrible, low-class, dysfunctional individuals. My position right now is that, if someone can justify domestic abuse for a specific group, it might not take much for them to justify domestic abuse for others - including myself. He refused to look at all of the stats and research proving that females are not the main perpetrators and that domestic abuse is just objectively harmful, because data can be skewed/manipulated and that he doesn't believe in science. I tried talking but he interrupted me and became very defensive. I'm scared of continuing in this relationship because, clearly, this is someone with low empathy and someone whose opinions I can't agree with. I told my father about it and he thinks it's not a safe relationship. I'm just scared that I may be overreacting and that, to other people, this may not be as big of an issue as it is for me. He's said that it'd be less of a problem for me if I was older, less idealistic and less of a liberal. And I do have some liberal ideas - at the same time, not at all. But I figured it was worth asking like-minded women (and RP contributors!) whether I'm being a sensitive snowflake and ruining something super early on, or if he's actually out of line. Edit: I'll respond to all the comments soon, and thank you all for taking the time to reply to my most! I had a bit of FOMO and was caught in that sunk cost fallacy, which made me doubt my intuition. I've decided to break things off and stay away from this person and, as soon as I feel ready, I'll go back into the dating scene... hopefully now more capable of vetting possible partners. Thank you all again. :)",,19,templilwitch,2024-01-29 12:28:37 RedPillWomen,1ae0808,Accused of being the cause of his sister dying?,"Just looking for some advice here tbh. I'm completely and utterly broken. Husband's sister has end stage kidney disease, 2 failed transplants and only just begun dialysis several times a week. He blurted to her he would get tested and is happy to support (without researching, without speaking to me). Anyways, pulled him up on his impulsiveness (usual) and he told me his sisters life matters more than me. The day after he calmed down and told me he realises it was a rash thing to say. He felt it wasn't for him. Fast forward a few weeks, what seems like pressure from the mum, brandishing leaflets in his face, crying, guilt trip, he just out the blue told me he would be getting more info about this and of he's a match he would donate. I'm completely blindsided. I respect the gesture but keep in mind, he's in debt, I currently run the household as he struggles to find a job, our plans to start a family will be halted (I'm mid 30s). Also, in terms of care, we are not the same size, I'm tiny compared to him, holding down a full-time job and also running the household - I don't have the emotional, financial or physical capacity to support. I tried to voice this and he turned into a monster, kept saying his sister is dying and will be stopping treatment as she can't go through this anymore, he then went on a barrage of if you don't let me do this you are responsible for her death. I didn't say no, I merely voiced concerns and required reassurance. To which he gave none, came across incredibly emotional and gave me a load of abuse? How do I deal with this? He's a gentle giant usually, can be quote impulsive and I've spoke to him before about him being inconsiderate when it comes to me vs. his friends and family. I understand and respect what he wants to do, I just don't think we are in a situation where it can be done with out extreme stress to us as individuals, our marriage and our household. If it matters, other siblings have refused. She is a rare case, expectancy of new transplant is a mere 3 years or so if she's lucky.",,7,Ok_Student452,2024-01-29 17:04:14 RedPillWomen,1aduz30,Snoring boyfriend :(,"I’m in a new relationship and I stayed over at my boyfriends place for the weekend for the second time. He is a very loving and attentive man but he snores like a walrus! It was an issue the first time I stayed over as well but I tried to ignore it throughout the night. The second time I stayed over (last weekend) the exact same thing happened, and I wasn’t able to get any sleep at all. It unfortunately ruined what would have been a romantic weekend, as after the second consecutive night of no sleep I was really cranky. My boyfriend had been apologetic about this but isn’t sure how to change this, besides me wearing earplugs to bed - I tried this the second night but it didn’t help :( Does anyone else have a partner that snores extremely loudly at night? How do you get over that noise or has he been able to improve the snoring? I am dreading the thought of spending another weekend with him and getting zero sleep :(",,13,-ladykitsune-,2024-01-29 13:11:17 RedPillWomen,1aecqcz,Does anyone that’s unmarried ever have an issue marrying a divorced person?,"Someone I kind of like but he’s got a child he visits often and I don’t know how I feel about being labelled as the “second wife”. Plus with a kid already Not sure how this will work if i have my own kids with him",,2,KingNeuron,2024-01-30 01:52:52 RedPillWomen,1ad8jzc,Where are y’all finding men who want commitment?,"Hi All. I am a longtime lurker here. Recently, I ended things with my boyfriend of about 1.5 years. Things were quite literally perfect with him, we had so much in common, loads of fun together, and I loved him very deeply. Unfortunately, I am in my early 30s and know for a fact that I want marriage and kids in my future. We had had a few discussions previously about this, and it seemed the general consensus was to take things slowly. I figured I had told him what I wanted and planted the seed so to speak, and we could take our time and let the relationship flourish. I genuinely thought that maybe I was rushing/pushing him by talking my about this and needed to let it be his decision. Fast forward to a few weeks ago. I was considering removing my BC device because some complications it was causing. I told him about my plans, and reminded him that we would have to figure out a workaround so that I didn’t get pregnant. Somehow the topic of the future got brought up again, and I asked him what he felt his timeline was for marriage and kids (as much of a chill girlfriend as I want to be, I needed to know this info). My boyfriend replied that, while he does see himself getting married and having kids, he wants to date more (other people), before marriage. I was floored. I ended things right there in a fit of shock and internal rage. To further add fuel to the fire, he said that he wasn’t really enjoying our chemistry in the bedroom anymore, and didn’t feel comfortable committing to me because of this. Wow. Double whammy. I am 30, with a college degree and a good job. I am self sufficient and would like to think I have good self confidence and self love (when I’m not getting my heart ripped out by some shmoe). What gives? I had always been told growing up by family and strangers alike that I am very pretty, and I don’t think that has changed. I have many hobbies and friends and am a fairly chill person. What more do I have to do? I am just trying to open up a discussion/requesting advice here because this is the second man I have had a serious, LTR with who has not wanted to commit to me. I am starting to worry if I am the problem. How do you find the men who actually want to commit and have kids in their future, and aren’t deathly afraid about discussing it? Is it just no longer common these days? I know a lot of religious folks tend to marry younger/want marriage, but I am not a religious person, and don’t go church. Furthermore, I don’t want to settle for someone just because they want marriage. Ideally I would want the relationship to progress organically to that phase - which I thought was happening with my ex boyfriend this time around. I am tired and feeling defeated. Tl;dr - Are there men who still want marriage? Where do you find them?",,58,idontlikecockroaches,2024-01-28 17:57:22 RedPillWomen,1adj17v,"Unplanned pregnancy— I want to keep it, he doesn’t","I accidentally got pregnant and want to keep the baby. He doesn’t. Is there a way forward for us or should I start planning to be a single mother? Before this, I thought this was the man of my dreams. Caring, protective, very motivated to provide for me, driving the relationship forward without my asking, etc. After it became apparent we wanted different outcomes, he became like a different person. Aggressive and threatening me and my family (he is a lawyer). He apologized a few hours later. But I’m not sure which is the real him. I originally felt he would come around and be the caring and protective person I thought he was. But after his pressuring me and his threats I feel like I don’t know him at all. He said he is open to having kids the proper way but that he doesn’t know me well enough. We have been dating six months. We are late 30s. I felt so lucky to have met him. Now I question if he is even a good person. I read stories about how men who were adamantly against the pregnancy change their minds and become loving and devoted fathers. For my future child (if I should be so fortunate), I think having the father involved is ideal.",,3,vw51638,2024-01-29 01:28:58 RedPillWomen,1ad7z06,Worrying about the future with my partner,"I’m just really struggling here. I am naturally an anxious person, so I also struggle to see if I’m being irrational or not with some of my worried. I’ve(24) been dating my bf(29) for almost a year. He’s super serious about me, he talked to my parents about marrying me and plans to propose in a month or two. We align on values and what we want out of life for the most part. He’s a good guy, he is very in tune with me emotionally, very supportive and makes me feel safe, he’s great with kids, and my parents like him. He’s also very intelligent and hard working BUT- this is where I’m struggling. He has had this wonky path. Like he comes from a well off family, went to private school, had good examples. He started as an engineering major in college but switched to Chinese and ended up never getting the engineering degree. Mostly on a whim and just not liking the engineering classes, as he was getting straight As there and wasn’t struggling academically. He traveled some and got a Masters in Chinese/Asian studies , then planned to pursue a PhD in similar stuff but he didn’t get Into the programs he applied to. So he enlisted in the military as an infantryman. This is where I really struggle. I really worry that he will not be able to be a provider financially. It’s always been my dream to be a SAHM. I cannot do the military life for much longer and he’s willing to get out and move near my family because that’s important to me and he tells me he will do his best to become that provider while also recognizing it may take time and he likely won’t make a ton of money at least starting out. Yes, if he just changed jobs in the military and did that for 5ish more years, he’d have an easier time, but at this point I can’t do more time away from my family as it’s made me pretty depressed, so he’d be getting out with only infantry experience. I just worry. Sometimes I feel a little mad that he made what I consider, pretty stupid and impractical decisions before he met me. I was raised by parents pushing me to be practical and financially responsible so I chose a stable decent paying career path. My younger brothers have done the same and seem to have more maturity or at least practicality than this guy did at 25. I wouldn’t be so worried if he was 24, because I get it takes time to figure it all out but at 29, I’m feeling like he’s a little behind. He wants kids sooner if possible so there is that too. If kids were never going to be involved, I’m not sure I’d worry so much as I’d plan to continue working. Am I worrying too much? People like even my parents, tell me it will be ok because he’s smart and very hard working, but I don’t know if they realize that the economy is different nowadays. A random degree alone is not going to get your foot in the door in most places. Nor is his infantry experience. I’m worried about having to be the breadwinner long term as I know it would lead to resentment on my part. However, he’s a good guy and he’s willing to give and sacrifice a lot for me and wants to be a provider. I think one thing that really attracted me to him was his intelligence and knowledge, we can have intense convos about life and philosophy and I’m always learning interesting things from him. He’s super sweet to me and can practically read me, which I’ve never experienced before. Plus we share a religious background and family values which seems harder to find based on other guys I’ve dated.",,8,One-Introduction-566,2024-01-28 17:33:01 RedPillWomen,1aczcsj,Female friendships,"Context married 24f a full time teacher. Finding it difficult to make true, deep relationships with other women Am I right to feel upset. Sorry just venting. Anyone else here always feel like they’re a better friend than the friends they have. I’m always the one to call / message, organise meet ups, get gifts etc despite working 10 hour days, 5 days a week and being married as well. I feel like I’m always put on the back burner because my friends have friends they deem higher. It’s always been like this since I can remember. If I don’t message or call I don’t hear anything for days / weeks. I am very content in being on my own and not having friends but it can get lonely sometimes. This feeling went away for a while but it has resurfaced recently. I’m the type of friend to give an arm and a leg if needed but I never feel it is reciprocated or appreciated 😞. I don’t know want I want from this post. Maybe just want to vent or seek advice. So many women around me just don’t value true genuine friendships. I got married at 21 and despite having more reasons to be busy it’s like I’m the only who puts in effort.",,16,akitty247,2024-01-28 09:59:22 RedPillWomen,1ad0yb2,How can I be more feminine for my boyfriend?,"Here’s some background I’m a 20 year old girl and I have a boyfriend who is also 20 that I’ve been with for 2 years. Truthfully, I grew up with a mom who told me I didn’t need a man and a dad who kind of taught me the same thing. Of course, my father told me to respect men which I do but being taught to be like overly independent has kind of messed with me a bit as I’ve gotten older. Recently my boyfriend has been saying that I can be a little bit more masculine than he’d like me to be. He also pointed out some traits in women that he admires and they all seemed more feminine and submissive than the ones I currently possess. I do believe that I want to be a stay at home mom and we just moved in together so we kind of already adhere to traditional gender roles. However, I can be quite argumentative and I like to take charge more than I’d like to admit. What are some ways that I can be more feminine/submissive in my relationship?",,10,Sug4rCh3rry,2024-01-28 11:46:53 RedPillWomen,1ac7vll,Amazing RPW style blog,"https://wwnh.wordpress.com I used to read this blog a while back. Very excellent advice exploring female/masculine dynamics. He even responded to emails until he passed unfortunately. I hope it can add some value here!",,17,Independent-Hall4929,2024-01-27 10:21:19 RedPillWomen,1acrjfo,I'm (30F) ia relationship with a single dad (39M) with a child (4M) and baby mama (40F),"I've (30F) been in a relationship with my boyfriend (39M) for over a year and have been living with him for 5 months. We have his 4yo child for nearly half the week. His ex (40F) and him have been together for almost 20 years. Dating my boyfriend is great and he is the best I've had. It's great when it is just the two of us. His son is sweet to me, most of the times. I cannot cope with being in a relationship like this though. The son and the ex is prioritized. His family friends are on her side. Being around his son all the time is exhausting. I've escaped home to my parents for the weekend. He and his ex has been separated for over 2 years. Their divorce agreement is taking a long time to be finalized because she is asking for on-going spousal support (separate from his large amount of child support). IMO, she shouldn't get spousal support because their marriage didn't hinder her educational and career achievement. She has a career going for herself. He wants to pay her a lump sum of money so they don't have to go to court. He may end up agreeing to pay spousal support, even continuous. I don't feel comfortable marrying a man who will be financially supporting his ex. I want to be married and have a child or two of our own. He also wants me to sign a pre-nup if we do get married (he said it's to protect his son). He never signed a pre-nup with his ex. I live with him and his son (4M) (he's there almost half the week) in a 1bedroom apartment. I don't have to split rent with my bf, but I do bring in a car which they use regularly. The apartment is constantly messy and dirty and I've scaled back on doing chores because I work full-time too and can't keep up. My bf pays for most of our dates and groceries but I also pay for a lot of my own and sometimes groceries for him too. We fought about cleaning the apartment and he suggested that I pay for a cleaner since I don't pay rent. I spend a lot of my time and energy being company to him and his child. I'm exhausted from hearing his child talk about his mom, of listening to loud kids music in my car with them, of going to their kids play dates, to seeing his family friends who prefer his ex over me and I never get acknowledged for the time and energy I spend on his child. My bf is a professional who makes a 100k/yr. I make substantially less even though I have a master's degree and work a full-time job. Even in this situation, given everything, I'm not sure if he is in a good financial situation to have a marriage and more children with me. He is also constantly tired from dealing with his work, child, and ex. Qualify time between us has declined a lot and he has gained a lot of weight. I don't like that he isn't taking care of his health and is constantly complaining about not having enough time to sleep and for himself. I am trying to make this relationship work because I love him. But I'm not sure if it is a healthy relationship for me.",,0,Commercial-Nerve-550,2024-01-28 02:09:09 RedPillWomen,1abw4ar,How Do Transition Myself From Girlhood To Womanhood?,"For some background I’m a 19 year old girl currently attending university. I’m going to be honest as of right now I’m a bit of a loser. I don’t have friends and I’ve never ever been romantically involved with a man. I don’t really get male attention (I’m very plain looking) but that might have something to do with the fact that I’m mostly a shut in, only leaving my house to go to school. I feel like mentally I haven’t aged a day past middle school. My mother still buys me clothes for goodness sake. How do I transition out of this perpetual girlhood I’m stuck in? I want to have new experiences and I want to meet a good man who’ll make me his wife. I’m currently focusing on starting to go to the gym and getting a job but other than that any advice?",,29,Lily_Swan1800,2024-01-26 23:21:17 RedPillWomen,1abt3dn,Valentine’s Day Expectations,"Do you have them? Do you do anything special for your partner or vice versa? Any funny stories or mishaps to learn from? It’s Friday so I’d like to pose a light-hearted question/discussion.",,12,throwawayfun_222,2024-01-26 21:12:34 RedPillWomen,1ac1nxl,New SAHM to 2y.o step daughter,"I am in need of reorientation. For context: My fiancé and I have been together 1.5 years. He has a 2 year old daughter from a previous relationship (there was domestic violence issues and he had to leave shortly after receiving news of the pregnancy. Ive seen the police reports to corroborate this.) His daughter was taken from the ex by child services and has been very suddenly (literally 8 days ago) placed in our care. My fiancé and I were just settling in to me being a SAHW (something he requested and can afford, something I am more than happy with), and this has suddenly become SAHM of a baby that I don't know very well. I am already so in love with her, though. She's an angel on Earth. With background out of the way... My fiancé and I have had the flu basically since we got his daughter, and that has obviously been a huge struggle. Its been very hard to be sick and adjust to the baby. My fiancé and I typically have sex at least once per day, and he (of his own accord) has not watched porn or masturbated in about a year (recovering from a porn addiction). Since being sick, we've had sex *only* 4 times. He told me yesterday that he has becoming agitated and sexually frustrated and that we needed to come up with a solution. I asked him what he would suggest and he said ""Well, it would be ridiculous to ask you to have sex 3x/day, but thats just how horny I feel. I dont know what else to say about it."" I'm just at a loss. I feel like we already have good sex very, very often. I dont know how we could manage the same pace or *more* with a 2 year old here that neither of us really knows. I don't even know what advice I need or what to expect from posting. Maybe I just needed a vent. My life has changed so much in 1 week.",,2,babyegirll,2024-01-27 03:50:47 RedPillWomen,1ac0k6m,How/why to become attracted to masculine men?,"I’ve always been attracted to a little bit of femininity in men. I’ve dated ballet dancers, nonbinary people, and trans women to give you an idea. But a few years I stumbled across that one RPW post that talked about how men are better at leading and making decisions, and how they’d throw themselves in front of bullets, et. I’m really attracted to the idea of a man I could trust and admire enough to lead me even if I never become good enough to attract him. However, I’m pretty internally masculine. I’ve started wearing makeup and dresses and all that, but I find myself still swearing, still being loud and unladylike, still wearing jeans and sneakers and shorts sometimes, still being opinionated and combative, still feeling independent, etc. I also really LIKE when a man is feminine, like a little bit emotional, etc. Not too much of course, and more and more I’m finding myself attracted to shirtless men’s magazines (whereas when I was younger I saw them as Communist propaganda lol) I used to be transgender too, so it’s hard to imagine myself being authentically feminine. Anyway I’d love tips.",,0,Hopeful_Eggplant_658,2024-01-27 02:53:13 RedPillWomen,19fk420,What do you do when you realize you've been complaining a lot?,"I've come to the realization that I've been complaining about a lot of things in my life to my boyfriend. It's probably been a few months if not more of this and he recently let it slip that I should do X to stop complaining so much about Y. At first I was frustrated because doing X is a bit out of reach/doesn't really solve the issue in my opinion, but then I remembered that men don't respond to complaining which sparked the realization that there's quite a few things I've complained about to him lately, and quite a few more complaints that I haven't brought up yet, and these have probably dragged him down and contributed to some relationship tension we've had lately. The complaints I've been open with him about are unrelated to our relationship but are complaints all the same. I do have some internal complaints regarding him and our relationship and I know that obviously nagging or harping on him about these would make him feel bad, but I also don't want to let resentment build. Anyway this is a bit disorganized of a post but any thoughts? Should we just never complain about anything to our partners? What do I do with my propensity to complain and all this excess worry? How do you know if something is a legitimate complaint or you just need to chill out?",,20,Difficult-Health-498,2024-01-25 21:16:05 RedPillWomen,19feflf,How to be comfortable accepting money from boyfriend/future husband,I was raised by my Dad to very very independent and take care of myself. My Dad always told make sure you can take care of yourself and don’t be dependent on a man because they can change on you last minute. My boyfriend and I are long distance and I have never asked him for gas money when I drive 2 hours to see him. Today he sent me money to fill my tank but I feel really really uncomfortable accepting it. Any advice? I don’t want to bruise his ego because he really wants to take care of me but I feel uncomfortable accepting it,,21,BroccoliHead2009,2024-01-25 17:18:20 RedPillWomen,19fd9ki,Advice for a single 26F needing to build up her feminine energy?,"Hello everyone! For context - I'm a conservative single Latina (26F) - I went to college, and now work a weekly 9-5 office job while living at home with my parents. My parents are near retirement age, and my priority right now is making sure I help them not only with living/medical expenses, but in any way that they may need. Thankfully, I have a job that allows me to help care for them and myself. I however, now have concerns regarding my dating life. I am realizing that my current lifestyle has me feeling more **masculine**, in a way. Without complaining (because that's not my intention at all), I realize that I'm usually just used to doing things on my own, helping myself when I've needed help, and basically just not expecting anyone to help me in my sad or difficult times - for anything. From the small things, to the bigger things. I am not very close to my extended family, but I know that I can count on my parents and on my surviving grandmothers for emotional support/care towards me (and I'm so very grateful for them in my life!), but I would not ask them for any help with things that required difficulties like physical labor or money. So, I am used to being my own help. Additionally, I have trust issues and ""walls"" I've built up since my prior two relationships. I am now wondering, **what can I do to be more feminine in my dating life, and overall in my life?** I go to many social events and on the occasional date - as I eventually would like to get married and have a husband with a ""provider"" masculine mindset. But I realize this has proven difficult. I have many trust issues created from bad experiences with men and some family members. I've even taken a break from dating because I realize that I need to change my current conditioned mindset, because I myself *do not* want it. My more ""independent"" lifestyle, I feel, has caused me to, unintentionally, *not* accept any help. Even when offered help from a man on dates. In situations as simple as a guy asking if he can help me carry my things, pay for the meal, etc. I have an issue with accepting help because I feel *guilty* even, that they're offering to pay for our meal, help me carry my things, help me at all etc. I feel bad and can't stop feeling like it's so wrong to accept the help, no matter how small it may be. I feel like a *burden* when on a date, and not because a date treats me bad at all, but because of my own conditioned mindset. I don’t get myself - I want a masculine man, but I’m not letting them provide for me in any way because of my guilty feelings. I’ve taken a break from dating for about 6 months now, because I know that I need to stop thinking the way that I do. Thinking like this, I know I'm not helping myself towards having a family with a wonderful man one day. Please help me - I appreciate any advice anyone could give me on this matter! &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B;",,9,pertiii,2024-01-25 16:29:05 RedPillWomen,19ewfax,We Really Should STFU,"I just witnessed in action why men get so frustrated when making something happen while women watch. My boyfriend is moving a very heavy machine that was a complicated endeavor. He's the only man available to do so with 3 women to help including me. His mother, bless her heart, she is sweet, but she really is an example of not implementing STFU and support. She kept asking ""Can you do it like this"" and suggesting things and overall getting in the way. To the point where my boyfriend had to politely ask her to stay in the living room (out of the way and without comments) I just stood quietly and out of the way until he needed me. He'd hand me things to hold or tell me to grab things and I didn't say a word but ""Okay"". I'm not perfect I did think ""You should do this."" multiple times. But I didn't say a single peep. Eventually his mom was back over again. Back making comments. Back trying to involve herself. Unfortunately her finger got nipped in the process. And I got a ""Thanks so much for your help."" STFU and be a support ladies. Not a headache. Update: He got me alone while ""putting away tools"" and gave me a kiss to end all kisses with roaming hands and a heartfelt thank you! Edit: I don't want to be misunderstood. This isn't a ""haha I'm better"" story. This is a juxtaposition. I would never disrespect his mother. I adore her and we bake together. I did debate whether to post this because of the people involved but I decided the lesson was blatant and worth sharing. However I accept this can be seen as inappropriate so I don't judge you if you think so and express that. Thank you.",,113,AmilliBee,2024-01-25 00:44:06 RedPillWomen,19ezosk,How to let a man lead in a relationship?,"Hi everyone, I just want to know if anyone can help me with the ways to encourage/ let a man lead in a relationship. For context, I grew up in a family where my mom had the tendency to overpower my dad in the household, she decides and does everything and my dad just follows. I know, for some reasons it worked out for them. That being said, I found it to be unnatural and I knew my dad did not like it most of the time but he just tolerated it. I realize the relationship dynamic between my parents really affects how I am as a person when it comes to dating. I tend to be over-independent and dominate the man I have been with even though I did not purposely want to. This ended up being detrimental to our relationship. At the end of the day as a woman I want to be cared for and taken care of. I want to learn how to be softer and submissive in a relationship and this is hard for me because growing up I never get to see this from my mom so like I don't know how to act that way.",,12,noname306,2024-01-25 03:23:55 RedPillWomen,19f1rfg,Unable to strike a connection with the right men,"So I’m generally quite chatty with men and women alike and have no trouble striking up a conversation. Unfortunately it’s the opposite when I’m attracted to someone. I get nervous and end up avoiding them which would probably give them an impression that I’m not interested. Since I have no trouble talking to men otherwise, I noticed that some of these men end up mistaking my casual/friendly conversations for something more (I’m very mindful of not being flirty though). This leads to them either making a move or being clingy. I want to know how I can go about managing my communication with men I see as friends and learn to communicate better with men I’m actually interested in. Please help!",,5,Global_Moose_1991,2024-01-25 05:16:52 RedPillWomen,19f88uy,Advice for a people pleasing SO,"My (26f) partner (30f) is an angel and does everything he can to help others, including me. The problem is, sometimes he can spread himself too thin at this own expense - agreeing to too many plans, travelling many hours a day to see friends/work/spend time with me/drop by his parents' house etc. It's to the point where it's hard to know when he wants to do something/spend time with me and when he doesn't. I've tried to ask, but he insists that he doesn't mind/wants to because he loves me so much, but at what point is it just straight up dishonesty? It makes me doubt him, because he often complains about doing or agreeing to things with friends that he doesn't want to do, so why would it be any different for me? Btw, this isn't a complaint about not spending enough time with me or anything - we do! It's simply a worry that he's doing things with me, even when he doesn't want to. Sometimes he'll have seemingly weird/random reasons to go and do other things, and it feels like his way of getting out of doing something or spending time with me. Ofc I don't mind him wanting to do other things, like go home and spend time with family, or work by himself! But if that's the case, I would just want him to say that. It might all be true, but the people pleasing is to the point where I genuinely don't know and I'm starting to read into things more than might be necessary. Is it one of those things you just got to stay quiet on and let him figure out? Or is it worth trying to bring up and have a conversation about (again)? We've touched on it briefly a few times. ",,1,doyoou,2024-01-25 12:30:19 RedPillWomen,19em21a,i'm never the first pick,i just realized that the guys i wanted and loved eventually had to choose me because they couldn't get their dreamgirl/higher value woman. i'm so hurt rn. i wish i could be the first for once. what do i even do? get plastic surgery and go to the gym? i'm tired if not being good enough.,,25,dieamer,2024-01-24 17:09:37 RedPillWomen,19ex8yz,The talking stage - move on or keep trying?,"Hey ladies! Im about to turn 23 and am finally and for the first time actively looking for a partner. For context I'm Muslim, meaning we keep things pretty innocent until marriage and I joined a Muslim dating app. I matched with a guy from a very similar background as me which is so hard to find and I had a preference for. The conversation was fun/cute to start and we moved it over to text after a couple of days. He had made a mention of meeting up for a sports game pretty early on but the dates weren't working, and had paid me compliments calling me cute/funny, and the conversation was pretty playful. It's barely been a week and I feel like things conversation-wise have slowed down a lot. He mentioned having a busy job with long days to be fair, and he is responding like 3-4x a day, sometimes after 8h, sometimes after 5min, and the responses have become pretty short like a couple word answers and not really enough to carry the conversation without help from me. As a relationship novice, should I call it a loss and assume he's lost interest? I don't want to be pestering him - it's so rare to find people of a similar background and a lot of what he's shared has been what I've been looking for so it'd be a shame but I also want to be aware of when I'm not wanted lol. Any advice appreciated! I'm so bad at the online dating/texting thing:')",,4,KeyChemist3607,2024-01-25 01:22:33 RedPillWomen,19eflxn,Feeling insecure about partners female friends who I’ve never met,"My partner and I are serious about eachother. We have spoke about marriage , and he wants to go engagement ring shopping with me to find the style I like. I love him and want to marry. There’s only one problem that’s making me feel so down. He has 2 female friends who he wants to invite to our wedding. Firstly, I don’t think anything is going on with these women, however I feel uncomfortable as my partner has told me little about these women and I’ve never met them. They are both working at the same place as him. The first one he said he’s been friends with for years. I’ve seen her call him multiple times in one week when he’s been out of the room(the phone lit up and I saw her name). He said that she often calls him for advice at work, or for advice or support with issues with her boyfriend. He said they have a lot in common which is why they’re friends. Apart from this I really know very little about her. The second one he recently called pretty which comparing her to the other one. He said they contact each other less. I really know very little about this woman asides from her age and some pictures of her (she is attractive). I know he’s been out with her for meals before he knew me, but this is about all I know about the female friend who my partner will invite to our wedding. To be honest he doesn’t speak often about his male friends, or others in general. But when I try to open a dialogue about these women and ask questions about their personality or relationship my partner gets quite impatient and wants me to stop asking so I drop the topic. I’m only asking so I can feel more comfortable and know about the women who are friends with him and who would come to our wedding. Because he knows them and sees them at work he says he doesn’t go out with them after work which is one thing. And he has assured me he only sees them as friends and that’s he’s told them about me. But I’m really hurt deep down. I have one male friend who I meet every few weeks and I was very open and asked my partner if he’d like to meet him to make him comfortable. I asked him if I could meet the female friend who he’s known longest and at first he said yes but then he said it may be a little odd to hang out together as they don’t hang out after work. I suppose if I pushed him he would arrange a meet. My main issue is that I know very little about these female friends. When I ask him he doesn’t want to share more and treats me like I’m being ridiculous and as if this is a non issue, however it’s silently killing me inside. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t think he’s acting inappropriate but I have no idea about the dynamic of these women, their personality or anything. I’ve never heard them speak to him. Am I just being ridiculous? Or should I try to speak to him again?",,7,Red_rose49,2024-01-24 12:06:56 RedPillWomen,19e6mr4,How important is it for the man you want to marry to have a stable job?,"Are you comfortable marrying a man who chose a career in the arts or another area that is not very stable (e.g. hard to find work due to competition, low-median income)? Would this be a deal breaker for you if you plan to have a family? Are you okay with being the breadwinner? With financial stress being one of the main causes of divorce, would this be a very important factor in who you marry? ",,24,Searchtheanswer,2024-01-24 02:47:20 RedPillWomen,19dvn9w,How to support my bf looking into career advancement options?,"TLTR: My partner (27M, student) feels stuck in life and is not looking into career advancement options such as internships/jobs/practical studies. This frustrates me as I (23F) am more ambitious than him and know that his success is needed to have the life we both want (marriage and children). He will start therapy this week but I am wondering if there is anything else I can do. This is a throwaway as my partner follows my main profile and out of respect, I do not want him to see I am looking for advice on reddit – he knows though that I feel a bit frustrated with our situation. English is not my first language so please bear with that. My boyfriend (27M) and I (23F) have been together for almost two years. We are both living in a third country in Europe and are not from the same country. His region of his country has been in war for many years, which is the reason he came in the first place to the city where we are both living now. This war has obviously shaped his psyche and turned his life upside down. His parents are internally displaced people and basically sent him abroad to ensure him to get a better future. He has been suffering of depression for 10 years but has been taking medication for at least the last three. Our relationship is pretty fulfilling – we love and respect each other, have fun, nice talks, he often takes me out for dinner and whenever he stays over at mine (we do not live together) he helps me with some house chores. He is pretty masculine which allows me to relax more in my feminine, which I really enjoy. There is one thing that frustrates me. I am pretty focused on my studies and am working a couple of hours on the side to give some relief to my parents who sustain my life abroad. I do not crave an ambitious career, whenever we will have children, I would like to work part-time to still have financial independence. But for this to happen, I recognize that he should be a bit more ambitious, too. He has no work experience (except some occasional, irregular jobs he did years ago) and would like to have a career as an artist yet is not actively working on getting further with his skills, making connections, doing internships or expanding his portfolio. This latter part annoys me. We would like to get married and have children in a couple of years but for that to happen he needs to have a good career – but clearly, he is not on the right path. He has hobbies such as reading and besides studying (we are both doing a master´s degree, he started a bit later due to language difficulty), he spends most of his time doing that. He is not actively looking into career advancement options. He also should start working to become more quickly a citizen of the country we live in (this would make our future way easier from a bureaucratic perspective) and to give some space to his parents who with difficulty support his life here. I always thought that his problem was being lazy but recently I realized that that his life experiences might play a role in this. We talked about it, and he basically confirmed this – he feels stuck and trapped in a nihilistic mindset, as nothing makes sense because life could take a 180 degrees turn from one day to the other anyway (which happened to him 10 years ago). So, I suggested to him to start doing therapy (I had good results with CBT, so I recommended that to him). He has always been very skeptical about therapy, but I told him he really should try it, at least a couple of sessions, before judging. He will start by the end of the week. What else can I do? I clearly do not want to give up this relationship as everything else is perfect. I am simply scared of our future and with all due respect to women who work more than their partners, I would not like to be in that position so I will be able to dedicate my time to children, house and hobbies, too. My mother sees through him and while she likes him overall, she criticizes him (privately to me) for this, and that does not help either.",,8,Able_Temporary_9236,2024-01-23 18:47:38 RedPillWomen,19dyqwc,Aging Gracefully or Do I Need Skincare,"Hello RPW! I am a philosophically aligned woman, partnered to my very own High Value Man™ seeking perspectives on how to prioritize aesthetic improvement in the context of a long term relationship. My partner's business success means that I have transitioned back into being a dedicated SAHM for our 2 under 2 boys and settling back into the domestic support role. In an effort to make my time as a support partner more fulfilling, I have been reading more RPW booke and trying to lean more into my femininity. Our relationship is always been the most exciting and enjoyable for both of us when we allow ourselves to become polarized in that masculine feminine energy. So obviously part of that has been paying more attention to how I look and how I present myself. I have to be honest after two kids in 2 years and turning 32 this month. I do not feel or look as young as I did when we got together. I want to be conscious about embracing that change in myself as much as my partner seems to have embraced it while also doing my best to look my best. So I will obviously be trying to lose most of the baby weight and I am trying to choose clothes that are more flattering and less functional for nursing. But do I really need a 12-step skin care routine? I learned many years ago that my skin tends to be healthiest when I mess with it as little as possible. So I just use a face wash when I shower and that's pretty much it. I know I should wear sunscreen, but aside from that do I really need to spend time figuring out how to prevent my skin from aging? Or is it better to spend my time on markers of beauty that don't have to do with age? How does wife goggles factor into the efforts we put into keeping ourselves beautiful as we age?",,5,Purple-Poppins,2024-01-23 20:55:58 RedPillWomen,19dh5vu,How to be a Happy Human Being 101,"1. **Happiness is a combination of three things: enjoyment, satisfaction, and purpose.** Enjoyment is intentional pleasure. Satisfaction is the joy received from a job well done. Purpose is finding signficance if your life. If you have these three things in balance and abundance, you will have happiness. 2. **To figure out the purpose of your life, ask yourself the following questions: ""why am I alive, and for what would I be willing to die?""** If you are missing an answer to either or both questions, you will likely find yourself with an existential crisis. You need go on a search in your life to answer these questions, and the answers will vary from person to person. 3. **The way feel gratitude is to decide to be grateful.** You can achieve this through the process of metacognition: being aware of your emotions and what you're thinking. Instead of letting your emotions dictate how you are going to act, you allow yourself to bring your feelings into the prefrontal cortex of your brain and process them. In your prefrontal cortex, you can take your emotions into account but can consider other factors before making a decision on what to do next. Here's a gratitude/metacognition exercise: make a list of the five things you're most grateful for on a Sunday night. Every night for the rest of the week, spend five minutes looking at your list. Every Sunday, edit and remake your list. In 10 weeks, you will be between 15-25% happier because you made a conscious choice to be grateful. You will have managed your emotions instead of them managing you. 4. **Good diet, sleep, and exercise won't increase your happiness.** They will, however, lower your levels of unhappiness. This may sound like splitting hairs, but happiness and unhappiness are actually processed in different parts of the brain. Combatting your happiness or unhappiness levels are both valid strategies for improving your overall mood. 5. **Depression and uncertainty are likely to follow after achieving a goal.** This is the satisfaction dilemma: chasing and completing a goal may give dopamine boosts, but then it stops once you have what you want. We often think the only way to become satisfied again is to make another goal, but that's not quite right. The better way to look at satisfaction is through a formula (how much I have / how much I want). Both achieving more and wanting less are valid ways to become more satisfied. 6. **Social media can cause depression.** It's the junk food of social activities - high calories, low nutrition. We go on social media on a hunt for oxytocin, but humans get little oxytocin without touch or eye contact. If you're going to use social media, it should only compliment your in-person relationships, it shouldn't be used as a substitute for an in-person friendship. It should be used sparingly, 30 minutes or less across all platforms. Otherwise, social media will negatively impact your happiness. I found [this video on happiness](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vTmixSgeOI0) from a Harvard professor awhile back and really enjoyed it. I thought I would share his tips here with you all! We often talk here about being the ""goddess of light and fun"", needing to be in a good mental state before getting into LTRs, and taking responsibility for your own life and happiness. Sometimes it can feel so difficult to know where to start. I hope this guide proves useful. &#x200B;",,21,ArkNemesis00,2024-01-23 05:35:26 RedPillWomen,19d635t,Goals -- A RPW 2024 beginners guide on how to attain them,"If you’re reading this as a follow up to “**A Definitive Guide to Nun Mode:** [**Part 1**](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/18jd3tw/a_definitive_guide_to_nun_mode_part_i_an/) and [**Part 2**](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/18k43ia/a_definitive_guide_to_nun_mode_part_ii_the_3is/)” or came across this post by recommendation, you can use them together as companion guides for understanding your personal values, setting higher standards, and practicing boundaries both with yourself and others in your life in order to keep a high standard of loving discipline in respect to your life values and goals. --- **Did you know that [92%](https://medium.com/illumination/study-shows-92-of-people-fail-to-achieve-their-goals-heres-why-89b0a2b2ed05) of people fail to achieve their goals?** If you’re here reading this then **you’re likely someone who values growth and personal development**. This is great because it moves you closer to the direction of the 8% of high achievers who do accomplish their life goals and values. This post will guide you in setting and achieving value-centered goals. It will nudge you in the direction of taking committed action steps that are not only inspiring but also something that you can look forward to enjoying. --- Here are some common challenges and obstacles on why people fail to accomplish their goals: * Not setting specific goals * Not dividing goals into smaller tasks * Not having a system * Not having a clear plan You may have been introduced to the idea of **SMART goals** at some point in your life. Make your goals **S**pecific, **M**easurable, **A**ttainable, **R**elevant, and **T**imed and you can accomplish anything you want. ***Exciting at first*** because you get a chance to see how you can break down short and long term goals with a process that promises you can achieve any goal you set. Then the reality kicks in. **You actually have a lot of goals and it takes a lot of work making all of them SMART** (and now you’re feeling kind of dumb 🤪 because it’s a lot of work). Then your goals and tasks can quickly begin to feel overwhelming, paralyzing, or in worse cases make you feel hopeless and unmotivated. Don't even let them tell you that you should also be tracking things and adjust your goals based on your how you're doing. ***No thanks, way too complex***. That ***makes it unactionable*** and I’ll just stick with my to-do list, calendar app, and post a field report on RPW. Thankfully, there is a solution in 2024 that is convenient, fast, friendly, and fun. Generative technology. With the wave of AI assistants like ChatGPT, Google Bard, and Bing AI we suddenly and surprisingly ‘have an app for that’ that *'just works'*. **All you need is two prompts** in sequence and something like [ChatGPT](https://chat.openai.com/) or [Google Bard](https://bard.google.com/chat): 1. **“I want to accomplish (insert your goal here), make this into a SMART goal.”** 2. **“Give me a set of tasks that will help me accomplish this goal.”** And for those who wish to go the extra mile with beginners level 2 goal prompts, use a combination of these whenever you’re encountering obstacles and challenges: * “I’m stuck at step ‘x’ and need help with ‘y’” * “Break down step ‘x’ with simpler action steps” * “I’m feeling unmotivated about ‘a’ because ‘b’” * “ELI5 (then eli18. eli21, or eli30) this to me”. From there, you can simply get started with **completing** and **achieving your goals** or **schedule the action step and task into your calendar** with a specific time and place for completion. ⭐ Don't forget to celebrate, practice gratitude, and reflect on all your wins no matter how small or big. Progress over perfection and process over destination when you're building momentum and getting started. --- This beginners guide gives you a process and system where you can set specific goals that are attainable and relevant. Making them measurable and trackable with real time feedback using an AI assistant if you’re not already using an accountability group like RPW field reports or mentorship and trusted friends/coworkers. And have a clear plan that’s scheduled with a time and place between your calendar and to-do list. There will be a follow up post “**Goals -- An intermediate guide on how to attain them**” later down the road that will cover motivation and doing what matters (clear about and connected with your life values and able to take and sustain values-guided action), fear of failure and how to move on from them, handling setbacks and mistakes, and learning vs performance objectives and their connection to your mindsets.",,18,FastLifePineapple,2024-01-22 20:55:35 RedPillWomen,19ddhd0,"Long distance relationships (LDRs): how to vet, and how to close the gap?","Asking more as a hypothetical and not so much seeking personal advice. I (23F) have a lot of friends in long distance relationships, and since we’re all in our early twenties, most of them are thinking about how they are concretely going to close the distance. I met someone who lives quite far from me, yet he and I chose NOT to start a relationship until we’d know for sure when and how we’d close the distance.When I told my friends this, they thought this guy and I were crazy for discussing all of this before even deciding to date each other. They told me to just “have fun with him” and see where things go… but I think it makes more logical sense to figure out if the relationship can even progress to anything more than monthly visits by plane. What are some ways vetting can be done from a distance, particularly if you are starting out long distance? While closing the gap is imperative to the viability of the LDR, under what circumstances would you consider moving for your long distance partner? How do you know when it is time to actually close the gap?",,4,blakelivelynosejob,2024-01-23 02:18:21 RedPillWomen,19cqsmc,"feeling like a slut and I'm still a virgin, how can I get over it, and does my boyfriend think it too?","I met my boyfriend 4 months ago and we've been together for like 3 months. we're long distance and all we ever did was make out then he had to leave for college again. in the meantime we got more comfortable worh each other and I we started having webcam sex on or twice a week. I think I need to note that I'm a virgin, no one has ever seen me naked before, no one has even even seen me in very revealing clothes before so all of this is very new to me, but I feel comfortable with him and he knows all of that and tells me that now that he has feelings for me, he's glad that no men touched me before. we both come from religious conservative backgrounds that insist on purity, but we're not as conservative. I stil believe I'm going to wait for marriage but I'm open to try things since sex is more than just penetration, I told him that, he respects that. the problem is, I feel like a slut, part of me is the belief that has been instilled in me since birth that only my husband should touch me or see me naked and I fear that my boyfriend believes that too since we come from the same backgroun and will see me as ""less"" because i got too comfortable with my sexuality around him. he's amazing and never made me feel objectified once, always tells me I'm beautiful, gets vulnerable with me and opens up to me, mentions me in his future plans assuming we'll still be together years in the future, I have nothing to complain about when it comes to him. but I think everyone is judging me for something they don't even know, or I'm probably judging myself and projecting on other people. I know this comes off more like a rant but I'm just very frustrated with myself and want some advice on how to navigate this situation.",,14,throwra20035,2024-01-22 08:11:20 RedPillWomen,19ce6e7,Looking for hard truth,"Thank you I’m advance for taking the time to read this. I am single, 29 female. I live alone in an apartment. I was in a car accident and have been living off that, so no work or volunteer. I’m not feminine whatsoever, my energy is very masculine. Been diagnosed with a plethora of mental illnesses, BPD being most obvious. But to be honest I’ve looked at cluster B diagnoses and I could easily fit all of them. I don’t cook or keep up with cleaning, I’m really bad at cooking there is no love involved whatsoever, and my eating is pretty disordered. Dressing myself is really hard in that I never know what is appropriate to wear without drawing too much attention. All of my relationships are extremely troublesome, I’m sure for others even more than me though of course it is me who is isolated. I have pushed every single person out of my life by my bad behaviour. I think I don’t make people feel good at all. Basically I do not take responsibility for my life whatsoever and chose instead to blame everyone else for my problems, which makes them 10x worse. I’m selfish to the core. I’ve noticed that praying for people without telling them helps keep me in the moment and feeling connected to others when they aren’t there. I am very open to any suggestions. I’ve been healing since 25 and I may be missing something. Update: thanks for the hot tips. Today I woke up reasonable, did a gym , cooked cleaned . Turns out I was incredibly depressed and needed meds",,13,Mobile-Ad-8925,2024-01-21 21:22:24 RedPillWomen,19blznk,The Empowered Wife-Question,"My husband and I went through a very serious separation and divorce filing last year. I initiated it. The night before we were to turn in the final decree, I got cold feet. We have 3 kids. And I thought, if only for them, I should try again. I’ve been researching and asking around about how to get out of this hole my husband and I are in. I’m already in a community of like minded women, so Laura’s book was recommended to me. I’ve started reading it and implementing The Skills. For years I blamed my husband for everything, just like Laura says. I held so much resentment towards him for not being what I needed him to be. But wow… I feel like I’ve been slapped in the face. I have done every single thing Laura has outlined in this book. My husband hasn’t ever gotten angry with me or even fought with me. But I feel like I’ve made him extremely submissive. Not on purpose, he just does whatever I ask whenever I ask without any input from himself. I didn’t realize I was being so controlling. He didn’t even fight me when I filed for divorce. So now I’m letting it all go. Letting go of all my control. Today is my first day, and I feel a lot of relief. Relief that my marriage is going to improve and also relief that my husband is not the issue. I know it’s me now and I know that I can change myself. My biggest question is-How do I apologize when I’ve been disrespectful, for small things. This sounds so stupid. I can apologize when I’ve been outwardly disrespectful, like raising my voice or being a jerk. But I feel like he’d think it’s dumb for apologizing for minute things because I’ve made him so submissive to me. For example, today he told our son (2yo) not to bring a toy in the car and I said I think it’s fine. As soon as the words left my mouth I realized I had disrespected his authority as a father. He didn’t even care, he just said “okay” and off we went. How should I have apologized for that? I’m scared he’s going to look at me like I have 3 heads because he doesn’t even question me anymore. And I know the point is to be vulnerable. But it’s scary. Help me!",,43,4_neenondy,2024-01-20 21:09:51 RedPillWomen,19bipek,Deal Makers and Deal Breakers,"Wanted to open a quick discussion post on the deal makers and deal breakers that allows you to capture a man’s heart. These ideas come from various discussions I’ve had with different men in the redpill spaces on the common themes men share around things we considered relationship deal breakers. Quick thanks to u/redpilldad and u/VasiliyZaitzev for helping me organize and think over some of these ideas more recently. --- **Deal Breakers** - Men can state things like camping and hiking, colored hair, tattoos, n count, and a myriad of other things that can be relationship deal breakers, but all of these requirements and asks can be summarized down to 3 familiar themes. The **3D Rules**: * Disrespect * Disruption to a man's life * Disloyalty Complexity is the enemy of execution. If you’ve ever been caught in ['The Crazy Cycle'](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/8cnh7l/for_women_only_respect_and_love_chapter_2/) with your relationship partner, consider if you’re breaking one of the 3d rules. As an example Vas mentioned there’s subtle ways that men can feel they’re being disrespected or feel a partner is being disloyal, but their partner feels that they’re actually being loving and attempting connection/keeping harmony: > Ex. women do not always like how men talk to each other in that women prefer things calm, whereas men may strenuously debate a point. It has been my observation that in such situations, one guy's wife/gf will interject on behalf of the other guy, because she likes things calm and her man is the one she has influence with. > I and a couple I know were visiting a mutual friend in Virginia. The host and the wife were old HS friends (I knew him, but just to say 'hi' to in the halls), so they had their convo and the husband and I had ours. We got into it (all fair play) on some or other political point (mass immigration as I recall) and it got heated but not in a bad way. The wife looked over and asked if everything was ok, and I replied, ""Everything is fine; we are just talking as men do,"" and she replied ok and went back to her convo. She had the presence of mind to ask, rather than interject. Men will typically feel elements of disrespect and disloyalty from their partner when their woman sides with the other partner, despite these conversation being typical ways of male bonding through heated discussions, thinking that they're restoring loving connection by keeping harmony. I've seen this pattern with friend's wives when there's minor discussions like baseball and comparative sports late at night and in other situations. [For Women Only](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/8cndeb/for_women_only_i_read_books_so_you_dont_have_to/) goes into more details on the different ways men and women see disrespect and love communicated at cross with each other. **Deal Makers** - On the other hand, if you’ve been a regular reader and have been practicing girl game from the redpill perspective, it’s likely that you’ve already been making some of the most important deal makers: * [Respect](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/8cnh7l/for_women_only_respect_and_love_chapter_2/) * [Support](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/pkl7hr/how_to_bring_down_a_hero/) (How to bring a hero down by CountThebees) * Loyalty These are the visions of excellence and the [diamond rule](https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/13ko51i/deleted_by_user/jkmuvvt/) treatment as RPD would call it. Behaviors within your control that you can take action and dramatically improve your relationships. --- Think back to a moment when you knew you had a man's heart locked in. What did you do right? What was something that definitely went wrong? Let's discuss the personal deal makers and breakers that you've found pivotal in relationships.",,18,free_breakfast_,2024-01-20 18:47:18 RedPillWomen,19asu4z,Be pleasant + Allow yourself to be led + VET + Look your best + be affectionate,"I found RPW in early 2022 and it has 100% changed my life. I used to be hyper independent and thought that I did not want a relationship. Once I found this community, I became totally dedicated and read everything I could find. My favorite was going back to the old posts on theory and reading everything on the wiki page. I also read some of recommended books - Fascinating Womanhood, For All Women, Marry Him. Now, I’m about to be engaged with the man of my dreams who treats me like a queen, and I have an incredible loving and happy relationship. I just wanted to come here and share some of the things that I believe changed my life the most and got me here. This is nothing that hasn’t been said hundreds of times on this sub, but I just wanted to make a post about my experience! 1. Be pleasant. In my observations, men envy other men whose girlfriends/wives are happy and pleasant and sweet. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t have boundaries and should be a pushover and ignore your feelings. It means that you should never direct your anger or stress about life towards your man. If you are upset, say that you are upset and hurt, but do not get short with him or rude. Sometimes when I have a negative thought that I want to express to him, I change it around in my mind to become a pleasant one. For example, if I have a negative thought such as, “I hate my job,” I could instead express to him: “I’m so grateful I get to come home to you after a stressful day at work.” This keeps the tone of our relationship positive instead of bringing negativity. If you do have a moment of weakness (it’s ok, we’re only human) and let out your negative emotions on your man and are short with him, make sure that you catch yourself quickly and apologize and say something nice to him. A huge part of being pleasant is making sure you’re happy and comfortable with yourself, so make sure to do things that make you happy, whatever that is (yoga, hobbies, spend time with friends, etc.). 2. Allow him to lead you. This one is big. Empower your man to be the leader that you want. When he does take action to lead you, express how grateful you are and how happy it makes you when he takes charge and takes care of things. Tell him that you love how much he takes care of you and makes your life easier. Never criticize him. It makes him feel like crap and he will stop trying to do things for you/lead you. Don’t try to control him and mother him. If you think that he’s doing something wrong or if you think that you know better way of doing things, then just let him make his own mistakes. If you give up this control, he will likely show you that he is way more capable than you ever expected! I think that a big part for me about allowing myself to be led, is to STFU. just STFU! Keep it to yourself, and you will give him the room to lead and you can relax and enjoy it. :) 3. VET VET VET!! Read the vetting series on here, and then read it 5 more times. And read it every time you meet a new man and are interested. Just because you have a connection with someone doesn’t mean that they are the one for you. You need to make sure they will be a good long term partner and you need to know what to look for. None of these skills will help if you choose a bad partner. 4. Look your best. Men loving having a beautiful woman on their arm. Do what you can to improve your looks, and it will make a difference. Get your eyebrows done (micro blading is great), do your lashes (perm), dress for your body type, do your hair nicely (even if it’s just a slick back bun), and put on a bit of makeup when you go out, and obviously watch your weight. I really liked the looksmaxxing info that I could find on Reddit, and gave me ideas on how to look my best. 5. Be affectionate. This is another HUGE one. Keep your sex life exciting and spontaneous and make your partner feel that he couldn’t get better sex with anyone else! Be excited about participating in sex, and give him kisses and hugs often and unexpectedly. Be open to new things and accepting of his desires. I know this one is controversial for people — but I rarely rarely ever reject my partner for sex. And he has expressed how much he appreciates and loves this about me. You should never do something you are uncomfortable with, but you should find a man that you do want to be sexual with! This one is key. If a man is going to commit to you, he is giving up having sex with other people, and you’re his only source. Therefore, you need to provide this to him (unless there are medical reasons, etc.) Long post, but thanks for reading. I love this community so much, and like I said, it changed my life. So I wanted to give back and hopefully help some other ladies out there that are looking for their dream man ❤️",,85,Exstntial-strawberry,2024-01-19 20:26:54 RedPillWomen,19b4vxg,6 years of hard work,"I just want to put something positive out here. I just joined this group… I’m 25, my boyfriend is 27. The 23rd will mark 6 years together. We have had a many lifetimes of ups and downs. Learning about what Love really means. Making the choice everyday. Working on being selfless. I’m trying so hard to learn what unconditional means and when conditional is healthy. The balancing act of a relationship where I want to be more submissive but was raised masculine and the truth of how difficult it is to let go of control and put all my trust in his character and his choices. I yearn to be his soft comforting home in this chaotic world! We are going through a tough time…he works solely off commission. He is strong, capable, aware of his inner and outer world, fearless, a risk taker but warm and grounding and yearns to provide for his family and truly embody the role of the man. A protector and a provider. I’m so proud of how much he has grown from meeting him at 21. We love. We fight. It’s a mix of every emotion but we both have so much joy and excitement for our future.. we are grateful for what we have here and know it will only get better.",,14,[deleted],2024-01-20 05:59:18 RedPillWomen,19au1a5,New to Red Pill,"I'm new to this community and looking for book recommendations to learn more about it. So any advice would be lovely 😍 Thank you in advance ☺️",,6,Ok_Bee_8495,2024-01-19 21:17:34 RedPillWomen,19abkwv,Where to find affordable traditional clothing?,"Not new to the community but new to the sub/Reddit in general. Embarrassingly I’ve always dressed kind of boyish because of general insecurity/ and I’ve always been pretty smart with money because of a hard upbringing and can never force myself to spend money on nice things for myself. Recently my boyfriend has gotten a new job and has offered to get me some new clothes (I guess I’ve been complaining a little) but I don’t wanna go for the same, “safe”, unflattering clothes I’ve been wearing since early childhood. I’d really like some simple dresses/ more feminine clothing in general. We are young and on a budget and I would at least like to get a couple things which isn’t working when a HOUSE DRESS is 200$+ dollars o.o like I might as well buy a sewing machine. For reference I’m around 5”, S/M US size usually, want them to be at least somewhat flattering but I will be moving around the house in them.",,17,Low-Whole-2431,2024-01-19 05:26:31 RedPillWomen,19a8lxf,Confused about hobbies and vacations that provider high value men like,"I'm 24F and been following the rpw since a couple of weeks now. It helps that I sort of immediately resonated with most of the ideas and realized where I come up short too. I'm currently in hard nun mode too as I'm obese, recently recovering from childhood trauma and need to find hobbies/friends etc. It so happens that I work in a software engineering field with a lot of such high value provider males in my office. While before I bemoaned the fact that there weren't any women on my floor to be friends with - I started viewing it differently and now I actually am happy to be surrounded by such men because I can easily learn from their lives with their wives and partners and what they look for generally, I can also see how ever since I started tapping more into my feminine energy from my predisposed masculine engineering energy I can sense them being more courteous and chivalrous with me unlike in engineering school where most male classmates disliked me and I had a series of feminine men relationships instead Its just that most of these provider men at my workplace seem obsessed with trekking and hiking and camp trips. Up until now I've never really been able to travel since I come from a lower middle class background and was busy paying off student debt. I would love to travel someday though but when I imagine vacations I think of pleasurable ones like beaches or pretty islands or romantic cities not wilderness and forests ugh Am I wrong in thinking the latter just feels too masculine? For a feminine woman to enjoy? How do I go about attracting men who are high value and wouldn't dismiss me for not enjoying similar excursions? I worry about dismissal because theres a guy I like very very much and though he won't admit it probably cos I'm fat I know he is rather emotionally attached to me too and often asks me questions about my life but he seemed rather disappointed when I didn't react favourably to his hike in the wilderness that brought him great joy apparently I'm really confused and would love to know how other rpw women have handled relationships with similar men or even have any recommendations for shared hobbies etc",,19,lilac-dream-girl,2024-01-19 02:50:24 RedPillWomen,19a4lrr,I'm starting to resent my boyfriend,"Hello everyone, I'm 21F, and my boyfriend is 20M. We have a very loving relationship. He is my first boyfriend. A little background on my bf: he had a very abusive upbringing, and has been living with his friends family ever since graduating high school. He has also been unemployed for almost a year now. He has no savings, no car, no drivers license, and no money. He is pretty much a NEET right now. I'm currently unemployed as well, and the last job I had was in April of last year. I'm in university though, and going to graduate next year with a degree in mechanical engineering. I'm putting all of my energy into doing well at school so I can land a nice paid internship. Gift giving is my love langauge. So far, I've paid for every meal we've eaten together outside, I've bought him expensive presents for important events like his birthday (I've probably spent close to $1000 on him so far), taken him to a concert, got him weed (I know this community might disapprove of that). I never have expected anything back, and I truly enjoy giving him presents. He has also got me presents on my birthday and few steam games here and there. He didn't get me anything for christmas though, not even a card. So here lies the problem. Over the past few months, I've been encouraging him to get a job, but I'm afraid if it comes off as pushy/annoying. He has been selling his belongings for money, but ends up blowing said money on weed, video games, etc, instead of saving it for a drivers license or college application (I've been trying to get him to apply for college). I've also been observing how some women get so spoiled by their partners (it doesn't need to be expensive, even a handmade card would deeply touch me). I've never really felt spoilt or taken care of, and I kind of crave that feeling, but I'm also riddled with guilt. I was raised by a single mom who told me everyday to never rely on a man/anyone, and that being financially independent is what's best for me. I've never once demanded anything from my bf, and don't want to either. I know I should not be looking at social media and comparing my relationship to others, but it's causing me to resent him for being jobless and lacking ambition. I have such big plans for OUR future. I'm trying to do my best at university, and hopefully get me a good job, and I won't have to worry about finances. I wish he shared this ambition and at least tried looking for a job. I want to know if I'm being materialistic/superficial. I just want to be taken care of. I've lived most of my life knowing that I only have myself to depend on, and I want to feel how it feels to put that trust into another person.",,16,4cidb4th,2024-01-18 23:42:33 RedPillWomen,19axcna,"My husband makes over 400k a year, I dont work and we split all the chores","I didnt follow any of the red pill rules. But i wonder what your thinking is - why it works for us in that way? maybe I am doing red pill stuff and don't know it? I am attractive, dress well and thin - that's about it. I am NOT super hot, I am pretty. I have a fun personality but other than that, I dont like to cook, I dont do laundry and we split all the chores. My husband worships the ground I walk on. He is attractive, 6'2 and funny. He isnt perfect but he is so kind and loving to me. He doesn't care if I work since he makes enough money. He bought a house before we were together and then put my name on it. I am a liberal woman who has strong opinions. Some weeks go by where I look disheveled or not cute, he still loves me and is nice. It can work a lot of different ways. This is why I think it worked for us: 1. When I met him I was really confident and in a solid place in my life. Not really looking for marriage or money. I had my own job and he pursued me a bit more than I pursued him. I was kind of take it or leave it because I just got out of a big relationship. 2. I was vulnerable. We talked about our feelings, I let him relax and be himself. He didnt have to wear masks or preform. At times, I gave him lots of space and that's because I had a big life. 3. I supported his emotional growth. I pushed him to look inward, I loved him for who he really was - not who he thought he should be. He was eternally grateful for this. 4. I am completely myself and I love myself. At the end of the day, I was kind of like 'this is who I am, it probably wont change much but if you dont want it ok - if you do - great'! 5. I would not move in with him unless marriage was on the table within a year. 6. I hated working and he saw how miserable I was at my job. Since he made so much, he wanted me to leave. 7. He enjoys caretaking and treating me like a pricesses. I guess it's just what he's into and I can be kinda spoiled and for whatever weird reason, that is a turn on for him. 8. I offer a lot of love and warmth. I always tell him how grateful I am, how happy I am. How much he provides for me and how much it means to me. 9. We laugh ALL the time, I am pretty light hearted and playful (when Im not going through some random mental spiral) and we joke around a lot 10. I make him feel wanted and needed. I told him he has made me too soft and I cant go be on my own anymore and he laughs at that idea. (which is probably only half true) Those are the things that I think contributed to our current situation.",,0,Mother-Grand-8608,2024-01-19 23:36:32 RedPillWomen,19aucfk,What do you consider rich and what do you consider wealthy?,Is rich 200k a year? 300k? 400k? ( living in a city) Is wealthy 1 million net worth? 2? 3? Curious about what everyone considers rich/wealthy. Also curious about what you all are looking for in terms of salary. ,,0,Applepiessky,2024-01-19 21:30:45 RedPillWomen,199id03,Got pregnant and shouted at husband,"When I got pregnant last year I was having triplets with a huge stress running on my mind. At that point my partner brought up sex and said we needed to address his needs may be try something new like a threesome. I got mad and yelled at him for being inconsiderate about my feelings and only thinking about his needs. Now we a year later with healthy babies, he still doesn't initiate or ask about being intimate with me. We have not had sex in a year. Feels like I have shut him out completely, how do I mend this? Edit- thanks to everyone for your valuable inputs, I think I want to layout a few facts just to provide more clarity. So me and my partner are over 40 and both of us are first time parents, have know each other over 2 years. My partner has been amazing in taking care of me during pregnancy. He believes in open communication, both of us have spoken about sex very openly, be it threesomes, sex toys or anyother fetish we may have. As a partner I am lucky to have him, he is always trying to make my life better, he has always proactively managed date nights, movie nights, having friends over, he even pulled off a surprise baby shower for me. We were sexually very active till we got pregnant, having triplets and two threatened abortions, the doctor put me on bed rest and I was emotionally very disturbed. May be the hormones and the stress with multiple pregnancy made me very intense with emotional outbursts often. I couldn't handle the open communication from my partner about his needs back then, and I felt insecure as well. He has been nothing but patient with me throughout the pregnancy, I didn't initiate sex with him as well. He has never made me feel guilty for my comments, either with sex or with any other topic. Whenever we argued he would try to reason with me, he always said one thing,"" if I'm not doing what you expect of me, please tell me, and I'll work on myself."" He jokingly mentions that it's been ages since we passionately kissed or made out. After a year through my pregnancy when my babies are 3 months old is when I started to realise that he must be missing sex, and please note even now he has not pushed me away when I'm near him cuddling or pecking. I hear all of your comments about working on my communication and will be more open with him about his needs. Thanks all for taking time to explain. ",,40,Grouchy-Patience-442,2024-01-18 05:14:33 RedPillWomen,199tyih,How Do You Recover from Not Being a Virgin?,"I keep seeing everywhere on reddit about guys breaking up with or shaming their girlfriends for not being pure enough. For being ""run through"" (which is any number of sexual partners more than 1) If you have more than 1 sexual partners should you just give up on finding someone who finds you ""pure enough"" to value seriously? I have only had a small amount, no double digits, no one night stands, mostly because I thought relationships would last when they didn't...but now I feel like my body is ruined and most men would think so too. Because even though guys say they don't care, all the stories I see on Reddit seem to indicate that they actually do. What to do? Perhaps give up? EDIT: Thanks everyone! Your comments have helped me feel better. ",,3,[deleted],2024-01-18 16:24:07 RedPillWomen,198whlg,Wish he was more independent.,"My boyfriend and I Iive together. He doesn’t have much of a social life, which is okay, but the problem is that he heavily relies on me for entertainment/ stimuli /whatever. Sure we’re friends, but I have my own life and interests. I’d be doing the dishes and he’ll just pace back and forth next to me, I’ll go into the bedroom to change the sheets, then he’ll follow me and continue pacing back and forth. Like help me out if you’re bored. I’d be in my own room, and he’ll constantly barge in every 30 minute, sometimes just to fuck with me cause he’s bored. I feel like I can’t relax. Like do you have no purpose? What is this?",,23,AdministrationOk3971,2024-01-17 13:25:33 RedPillWomen,198xh73,Years have gone by and I still think about my high school boyfriend," I’m 30 and married with two kids but for some reason I sometimes have nonstop thoughts about an old high school boyfriend. I’ve dated other people after and before my now husband. We stayed kinda friendly after we broke up and talked a lot more often probably up until me and my now husband had been dating for a year or two. We eventually stopped being friends as life took us on different paths but remained on good terms. For the most part as time went on I eventually didn’t ever think about him anymore but sometimes I just can’t get him out of my head. Probably like once a year. I start rereading old fb messages and stalking his socials to see what he’s up to. Like I’m talking intense thoughts I can’t shake. Just wondering what he’s up to how he’s doing etc (nothing sexual) .. I contemplate reaching out to say hi for days and and at times I have, we briefly just catch up. And then we don’t talk again. And he’s out of my mind. I have no desire to be with him again and no desire to break up my family. I really want to move past this and don’t want to disrupt my life or his. I posted in an another Reddit thread and they said I was alpha widowed. Which I never heard of before and after looking it up doesn’t really relate to the situation Tik tok is convinced it’s the sentimentality and nostalgia of a first boyfriend and I’m just romanticizing the purest most vulnerable version of my self.",,20,Fit-Welcome2277,2024-01-17 14:13:56 RedPillWomen,198xqx6,How do you detach your emotional state from your partners?,"If you spend a lot of time with your partner, how do you 'be the peace', stay feminine, etc when your man is stressed out or angry at often with work/life stress.",,17,CharacterOrdinary551,2024-01-17 14:26:25 RedPillWomen,1984l4q,Getting commitment after sex,"Hi RPW! I would love to hear from everyone here about the following: Ladies who had sex first before commitment, please share when you were intimate and what are some things you did to help you get commitment ranging from boyfriend/girlfriend, engagement, married, or all the above. Please also include the timeline from one stage to the next. Similar question for the men who had sex before commitment. How did your girlfriend inspire you to want to commit to her from dating to boyfriend/girlfriend, engagement, and marriage. Thanks in advance!",,21,chrissycash,2024-01-16 14:49:23 RedPillWomen,198jfuy,My ex boyfriend (M25) wants me back (F25),"I had a one year long relationship with my ex, this happened between 2022 and 2023. When we started I didn't know how bad his drug addiction was, his main drugs were alcohol marihuana and clonazepam. He lied about the gravity at the beginning but I soon suffered lots of relapses and promises he couldn't keep. He taught me a lot about the red pill and I started working so hard to make him proud, I went to the gym, started to dress more modestly and even deleted my social media. Nevertheless, I ended the relationship in April last year, I was crushed because I loved him very much but he was very manipulative and made me feel bad about my weight and other things, he was a bit blackpilled in my opinion. Now, 10 months later I sent him a text because I had a bad feeling. He told me he's just gone out of rehab (6 months in), he found God, he went back to school and he's working. We have been in contact for about one month and he's like a whole other person, he has apologized for EVERYTHING and has treated me like a princess. We've only met in person 3 times in person to have hard conversations and everything has gone perfectly. My family is really against me going back with him, but I have a feeling that this could work, mostly because I see real regret in him. I've thought about this and I feel I should wait a few months to see if this is real. I really love him, he's very attractive to me. Any advice is well taken. Thank you",,2,Kind-Bug-6169,2024-01-17 00:55:59 RedPillWomen,19824tb,Annoying comments from Husband,"Has anyone else seen a reduction in disrespect comments claimed as jokes by becoming more RP? Comments like “make sure to keep using your chapstick” when you mentioned that you’re currently on your cycle. I’ve told him before that it annoys me, is a turn off, makes me feel like I’m married to a 15 year old. And last night I said it was disrespectful when he ask if I thought it was funny, because no, I don’t. No woman does. He always says “all guys are like this” and “I know, I’m a child”. Obviously my previous attempts to stop this were not the best or they would have worked. I don’t know how to handle this anymore. (I do want to note that other than these stupid “jokes” he’s a great man. Takes care of me, provides, he also tells me all the time how much he loves me and is still so excited that I’m his wife, and spoils me.)",,14,Hang_your_halo,2024-01-16 12:47:56 RedPillWomen,197htx1,A beautiful article about the joys of learning to follow,"I saw this in The Atlantic and I loved it and wanted to share. I love how the idea of following a trustworthy man is mainstreaming after decades of the exhausting Girl Boss era. Don’t get me wrong! I am very much in favor of women pursuing their goals and building a rich and fulfilling life for themselves whether they are in a relationship or not. But it’s high time we recognize that following is a skill, it’s a conversation, and it’s so much fun 🩷 Original https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2024/01/dance-salsa-relationships/677132/ Without paywall https://archive.ph/ncyZP",,34,Margareydragonslayer,2024-01-15 19:44:38 RedPillWomen,1983luq,Long distance: 2 months plan,"Hi all, I have been a follower of redpill for 2 years as is the length of my relationship. We do not live together, but due to a safety situation we moved in together for 2 month. Now for work I have now moved abroad, apart from him, for an additional 2 months. I noticed that when we lived together we got along harmoniously, we became warmer, but he started admitting how much he likes to 'follow' me, and he stopped exercising. I know of the natural betafication of men in a long term relationship. Even so, I am trying to understand what I did wrong that put him into more of that follower position. He wasn't like that in the begining. What would be the antidote to this? I have two months to live alone, in which only long distance/opposite time zone communication is available to us.",,2,flower_power_g1rl,2024-01-16 14:04:04 RedPillWomen,19748mr,Dedication to myself and using RPW as a tool changed my life entirely.,"tl;dr: I went from miserable and lost to fast-tracking my dream life and it’s because of this community and my own hard work. I found RPW on accident, coming to this group initially to “prove” that the woman who I had learned of its existence from was [insert any number of negative/disparaging beliefs about someone here]. I was 20something, convinced that my miserable situation was the result of literally anything other than my own actions. I had a horrible view of myself, of other women, of men, of the entire world. I was angry and not willing to take a single step toward *changing*, I genuinely had begun to resign myself to what I thought life was going to be forever. What I found was shocking and hard to believe… yet I stayed up way too late that night, reading and thinking. And I kept coming back. And it changed *everything* for me (well, almost everything - I still don’t have any fondness for the woman that got me here, but that’s another story). Once I looked at myself in the mirror and realized I couldn’t ignore what I had learned here, it was like a lightbulb came on over my head and I knew exactly what I needed to do. I had to take control, and to do that I had to dig in my heels, admit that I was causing every single one of my problems, and get my sh*t together NOW. I came here every night before bed to read posts and advice and learn what it meant to truly love yourself. I realized my anger at the world and my belief that I was doomed/helpless stemmed from unchecked mental health issues; I went to therapy and really committed to healing, started journaling and doing the hard work of looking for my own flaws and improving them. I looked at my dating history and asked myself why I sought out and accepted “relationships” from men who were, simply put, losers who had no respect for me and why I held the belief that I *needed* to fix them no matter the cost. I asked myself what I wanted for my life and my future - and I was *shocked* to realize I had no idea at all. So I took a leap of faith and accepted a perfectly-timed offer from a family member to move across the country and live with them. In a new place where I knew no one, I laser-focused on myself; I went into nun-mode, joined a gym (and actually went!), found a skincare routine that worked for me, and started to get a clearer picture of what I wanted and what I was determined to get for my future. It wasn’t easy and I made mistakes, but I learned from them and all the work I was doing in myself paid off as I realized I was able to create/enforce boundaries and let myself walk away from anything that didn’t align with my new found goals. I started this journey at 23 years old. I’m now 25 and since finding RPW and using the tools I took from it, I am the best version of myself that I have ever been. I have never felt more beautiful or comfortable in my own body, my skin is clear and I’ve lost 50lbs (now I’m at the lower end of the healthy BMI and am focusing on toning)! I will finish classes and start my career in April, and I start my first “grown up” job in my field this week - a position that will allow me to learn from people further along than me and give me a huge headstart when school ends. I just bought my first car and am in the process of getting debt-free after years of being financially unstable and irresponsible. And the cherry on top? Along the way I met the most wonderful man who never makes me doubt myself, who loves me and supports me in a way I didn’t know happened outside of fiction, and who fully embodies what it means to be a strong and worthy Captain - and we just started looking at engagement rings. I’ve been thinking about making this post for weeks, and tonight I was so full of gratitude and pride in how far I’ve come that I finally did it. I couldn’t have done this without the advice, tough love, and support of the RPW community. This post is partially to celebrate myself, but more than that this post is a LOUD and EMPHATIC *THANK YOU!!!!!* to this community that I cannot mean more sincerely. If you’ve read this far, I appreciate you. If you’re reading this and you relate - I believe in you. You are worth the effort it takes to create your dream life, and you are in the right place to learn how to do it. :)",,64,amityjeanklein,2024-01-15 08:51:16 RedPillWomen,197lr5x,Should I cancel the date?," After a year of dating break,I matched with a guy in my city on 16 December 2023. The chat convos was flowing greatly.He was curious and did take into account my bio, hobbies and pictures. No sexual talk. We have common hobbies. He lives 21 km (13 miles away). He asked me out two days later ( 18th). I told him I am intrested but I was away for three weeks and we should pick it up in January. He reached out on 4th January and asked me if I am still Intrested on a date.I gave him my availability day and time. He wasn't available on the date I proposed. He proposed a different date tomorrow ( Tuesday 16th January) after work. The activity was to go to a gallery in my city. Instead of choosing one, he said I should propose something. I love art, had pictures on my bio in galleries, we talked about it BUT I felt weird having to check through which museum is open and what they are showing. It feels like I planned the date something I have never done before. We agreed on 7th January the day, time , location and activity.Since then I haven't heard from him. We are still in the app.He doesn't have my number. The date will be 45 minutes since the gallery closes and earlier wasn't possible based on both of our work schedule. He is aware of this. He hasn't reconfirmed, not proposed he has reserved anything afterwards, not asked how I plan to get there. Am I overreacting by thinking of not showing up and not giving him a heads up that I will not show up?",,0,Proper_Imagination94,2024-01-15 22:16:37 RedPillWomen,195uu50,Why is the answer to almost every relationship advice post on Reddit “leave them”?,"Almost every time I see a post asking about relationship advice (concerning couples), I come across the same type of answers like “when someone shows you who they are, believe them”, “this is clearly a sign of abuse and they will continue abusing you”, or “you should 100% leave them, save yourself”. These answers are very frequent, even when the problem is apparently not incredibly serious. Why don’t people on Reddit advise on empathy, open conversations, or seeing a therapist and instead seem to consider every issue irreconcilable?",,62,supercalifragiwhat,2024-01-13 18:41:15 RedPillWomen,195a8yl,Age Gap Relationships?,What is the best age range that a woman in her late 20’s should target?,,10,rightfullyso6744,2024-01-13 00:13:58 RedPillWomen,1954ngm,How to keep the passion while working from home?,"Hello all, I’m 24F and recently got engaged to 33M. We’ve been together about a year and will be moving in together soon (I’m visiting my family atm). It’s a long story but we have a business together (How we met) and both work from home. This inevitable as we both have the equipment we need there. We had crazy sexual tension at the beginning as a result of working together but never doing anything and living far from each other. Of course this has gradually dissipated and I get it. However someone else posted today about how she can no longer be turned on by her partner after 10 yrs of a situation similar to mine and I’d like to prevent that. Given that he works more than me and I’ll be doing most of the housework, it is inevitable that I’ll spend quite some time at home (as will he since once again he works there). Im terrified that this will burn us out and because im much younger I desire excitement and passion much more than him. I’ve spoken to him about our situation but he’s just said that we are lucky to be able to work from home and be together, that it is what it is, and that he’s not 20 years old anymore (he said that when I told him he’d grow bored). Despite that I know this is unhealthy and the reason why we got engaged after less than 1 year is because of the amount of time we’ve spent together resulting in getting to know ea other faster. I don’t do well w the mundane and routines boringness etc so I need advice. If I work hard I can have it so that I only have to work from home 4 times a week and can be free the other 3. I also go to the gym almost daily and if I remain focused (ie don’t waste sm time on my phone during the day etc) I can stretch my time there and spend more time outside the house. He recently suggested going to the gym together as it would help our schedule and I said we shouldn’t, but it might be something he ends up doing which isn’t ideal but I can’t control. I only have one friend in his city whom I see every now and then since I’m new to the city but I plan on making more if possible. I’m also planning to join a belly dancing class or some sort of hobby. The thing is, this would constitute me being super strict regarding time and not being able to be super relaxed in my own home in order to spend as much time outside of it as possible. Like an inverse scenario basically, where I go outside to relax instead of the opposite. Given that it’s his home and that he works more hours, he’s not very focused on leaving the house except for occasionally meeting people, sports classes, etc (and of course dates but those include both of us). We are also trying to spend as little as possible in order to grow financially and have a wedding, so even if I’m free 3 days a week I’d literally have to go to a library or park lol. He often says he’s fine w us being together sm and that it doesn’t affect him, but it’s 100% not true as I notice that like any human being, he’s more turned on and passionate when there’s distance and independence. I’ve read Mating in Captivity and Perel explains a lot of this. Anyway I’m terrified of ending up in some overly familiar relationship, especially at my age, when he, myself, or both of us are barely turned on by the other and craving other people/new experiences w them. It would be especially hurtful if it was him and I’d def blame myself for not prioritizing my independent life, as up until now I’ve just been home all day lol. Tips on making this work? And advice regarding my anxiety of him losing interest towards me and me likewise craving excitement (even if just in life in general)? And how likely is this all even to happen? He also got his party days mostly out of his system and wants to focus on our business and future family and doesn’t like adrenaline-like things (ie scuba diving running late at night psychedelic trips etc) whereas I love those things, but he’s not a fan of me doing the latter etc. So I need healthy ways in which to add excitement to my life. Any advice would be great, thanks!",,5,Optimal-You-8238,2024-01-12 20:17:12 RedPillWomen,194lx97,Observing women who married to middle/upper middle class men.,"\*Middle and upper class men, sorry. I had to spend last weekend at a sport center that caters to wealthy children (Hockey, fencing, etc). I watched mothers get out of their(mostly) SUVs with their children, here are some common things I observed about the wealthier women: \- Almost none of them looked disheveled, surprisingly. Even while having their hair up. \- Most of them carried those huge purses, like handbags but huge, instead of backpacks or grocery store bags. It made them look classier. \- They were all somewhat skinny. Probably not perfectly skinny, but definitely not obese or overweight. \- I would say about half managed to look stylish as well. Also perhaps they made their wealth independently as well, but the above held true for like 85% of the women I saw with children there. I was surprised.",,87,SunflowerSerenade11,2024-01-12 04:12:48 RedPillWomen,194rhvv,"being afraid of coming off as a gold digger made me unable to receive, help","so it's basically the title, i can't receive anything from a man without being afraid of coming off like a gold digger my boyfriend, who I recently got together with, is coming home from a trip and is asking me for which skincare products I want him to get me, because he noticed I liked a post about girls liking when their boyfriends get them self care things. I smiled and said thank you, but I feel too uneasy to just tell him what I want, I was just googling ""cheap skin care products"" because I don't want him spending money on me. how can I overcome this.",,24,throwra20035,2024-01-12 09:57:36 RedPillWomen,194llst,How did you master The Art Of STFU?,"How did you master The Art Of STFU? I am tired of nagging and criticizing and sighing and having a bad attitude. My husband has had it. Something needs to change because my marriage is suffering. Please give me all your advice on how you learned to stfu. I don’t just want to be good at it for one or two days. I want it to be a part of who I am, for the benefit of everyone in our family. I’ve read The Surrendered Wife when we got married but it’s been almost 10 years now and I’ve still so much to work on and improve. *edit:* I just got permanently banned from a motherhood subreddit for posting here.. what is wrong with reddit?",,46,JesusBBackSoon,2024-01-12 03:56:07 RedPillWomen,194hv1p,Not turned on,"Has anyone else experienced not being turned on by their man? We’ve been together for almost 10 years and I don’t get turned on anymore. I’ve communicated to him how I want to be touched to be turned on and he took the advice. But when he does what I ask, it feels like he’s trying too hard and not genuine. I don’t know what to do.",,10,Pink_Pineapple7234,2024-01-12 00:53:07 RedPillWomen,1946ge8,Cardi B says...,"I don't cook, I don't clean but let me tell you I got this ring... ...and then you look at the relationship. Makes me want to cook and clean lol! (Off topic but I found this funny. Not to hate on her relationship drama. A cheating spouse is never funny...but she did choose and advertise this to young women).",,38,AmilliBee,2024-01-11 16:59:40 RedPillWomen,193js4t,How to RPW a controlling boyfriend,"Hi ladies, as a loving member of this subreddit I have realized the great benefits of our lifestyle. There is an arena in which I wonder how to manouver. I have a wonderful traditional boyfriend, and we have great plans for the future in which he will provide and I will get to rear children! A little background: my first relationship. We are late teenagers. So the thing with traditional men is that they want traditional woman, and fortunately I found the rp before I could make too many mistakes. He was the first one I have slept with, and I was also his first. Shortly and bluntly said i find myself being really sad and mad about how controlling he is sometimes. I am fully om board with for example not wearing short skirts, not getting drunk at parties where he isnt and not posting on social media. HOWEVER, today I seriously considered leaving him because he made a few comments on my profile picture on Discord. Now for your information I have deleted , by my own accord, Snapchat, TikTok, instagram, Facebook. And I never posted anything anyways. So the picture I have on discord is a picture of my hair from behind. That’s all? But he asked me to switch it because he didn’t want me to get flirted with. I’m young and so is he, so I need some older ladies’ advice on what is normal and not. I quite frankly don’t enjoy micro managing my life to avoid being attractive? However I am asking him to be a provider and a leader, and therefore I should go with what he says(?) Please ask questions should anything be unclear. And no I’m not going to leave him over this. I just got emotional for a couple sec, but I love him. I just want some guidance.",,20,jiji_sin,2024-01-10 21:30:57 RedPillWomen,193igfa,Relationship with in-laws,"Hi everyone, hoping to get some outside perspective here regarding family dynamics when being in an LTR. My fiancé and I are planning to get married in a year, been together for 4. I didn't have any healthy or positive relationships with my family growing up, so I was hopeful when I found out that my partner comes from a close-knit family. Unfortunately, even after being together so long, I don't really feel liked by them. Unlike the stereotype, MIL has been pleasant and easygoing. We aren’t super close but we get along. It's FIL who makes me feel awkward and excluded. He was the SAHP and MIL the breadwinner so I initially thought he was just more attached and protective. My fiancé works full-time and I do all the housework and work part-time (will transition to full-time soon). FIL ignores my role and behaves as if my fiancé does everything, especially cooking and baking. All the food I make for family potlucks, the gifts I get people, the way our place is etc. is attributed only to my fiancé. A few times they mentioned being unable to find something (cooking-related), and I either had it or came across it so I brought it over for them. FIL only thanked my fiancé and repeatedly told everyone that his son got him those items he'd spent ages looking for. I care about the way I reflect on my fiancé and always strive to make a good impression, but none of the other couples get this from FIL or any other family member. My fiancé doesn't really care about these things - he’s rarely cooked the last few years, the times I stepped back for him to take the lead we've been the only ones showing up with nothing to contribute or no gifts, even though his family gets him multiple things every birthday, and he wouldn't even remember those conversations that FIL would be calling him so thoughtful for. He mostly goes along with it but has spoken up a few times to include me, but FIL still persists. When I celebrated a milestone, every time somebody congratulated me at a family event, FIL interrupted to talk about his son's experience. I set up a trip as a gift for my fiancé's birthday, his first comment was “are you gonna have to drive her there?”; I was sitting right there, I drive as well and it was something for both of us. When my family visited us (didn't stay with us) he made the entire thing about his son having to deal with his in-laws, with pointed passive aggressive comments disguised as jokes. I know most of this is petty and I mostly stfu about it. I don't see this behaviour with SIL and her partner however, which has made me feel really weird - I do my best to be feminine, classy and a thoughtful, nurturing partner without being coddling and I don’t feel like I’m seen as that. My fiancé says he loves providing for us and taking care of me and he appreciates everything I do. He puts in effort into thoughtful gestures for me even though it's not his forte; I love and appreciate him a lot. FIL often tells my fiancé that he doesn't have to do anything he doesn't want to, was concerned that I'm taking advantage of him, and generally seems to encourage him to be a taker rather than a giver. MIL has similarly let my fiancé do whatever he wanted. My fiancé has grown to be more responsible, confident in his masculine role and generous over the course of our relationship (we were pretty young when we started dating) but I notice subtle changes when we're around them and he visibly becomes more complacent, a bit self-aggrandizing and seems to enjoy being fussed over. Once, he snapped at me in front of his family because he was frustrated about something else and it made me cry. His parents pretended nothing had happened. FIL said that that's how the men in the family were, and that was it. My fiancé apologized in private later, and has never done it again. FIL has now been making offhand comments of them living with us, which I'm firmly against and thankfully, my fiancé is not keen either. There were some more petty instances over the holidays and I finally brought it up with my fiancé, who acknowledged that he can see where I'm coming from, but everyone actually loves me and there isn't much we can really do here except speak up in the moment, which he'll do more. He said he'd definitely be on my side and defend me if his parents ever overstepped towards me or our kids. I'm trying to have a better understanding of this whole dynamic and the best way to navigate it. I'm not looking to be the center of attention or anything, because everything I do is of my own volition, but my concern is rather with what kind of example we'd be setting for our kids and how this can affect my relationship with my future husband. Sorry this got longer than I'd expected; would appreciate RPW’s thoughts. Thank you.",,11,Unoriginalname003,2024-01-10 20:37:11 RedPillWomen,1934qs3,I (F27) discovered boyfriend's (M27) hidden home videos with his ex; he lied about deleting them. Would you break up?,"Guys, please help me, advise me on what to do. This is the first time I'm writing on Reddit. I've been in a relationship with a guy for almost two years, and we've been living together for one and a half years. A while ago, in the early stages of our relationship, I asked him if he had ever made home videos before, as we started speaking about making them too. He said that in his previous relationships, he did make home videos but deleted them when they broke up. Today, I found those videos on his flash drive. They were loaded onto the flash drive when we had already been living together for four months, and the last time they were viewed was a month ago! I don't know what to do; it hurts so much. Not only did he lie about deleting them, but he also watches them while being in a relationship with me. I should mention that I also live in the apartment they moved into together with his ex, who now lives in the neighboring entrance! It's already painful for me, and it feels like her presence is always in the apartment. When we walk down the street, he always looks into her windows. It hurts me, but I haven't talked to him about it because he always twists things or pretends to be joking and denies everything. He initiated the breakup with her, and it took a long time before he actually ended things. I know he doesn't want to be with her, but everything constantly reminds me of her, even though he changed the arrangement and all the furniture after the breakup. Now, there are these videos. They were last opened on the day I was at work. Can you advise me on what to do? Is this normal? I don't even understand what's normal anymore. What would you do? Would you break up?",,26,LeadingStudio8342,2024-01-10 09:53:28 RedPillWomen,192olhq,"Feeling down, What is the point of dating a man?","I am 24 and I'm in my second relationship (engaged, he's 9 yrs older). My last relationship was 4 yrs before (celibate during this time), to a guy my age in college. It started off great but we were both extremely immature, new to the college scene, cheated on each other, hurt each other, and basically destroyed the relationship despite there having been love (or so I believe anyway). My current relationship has been going on for a year, and everything's fine, no cheating or major disrespect (which I would not tolerate, at this point). I've been really lurking these subs and consuming content on relationships for the past few years, b/c I find it fascinating. In between these 2 relationships I've been totally celibate but went on lots of dates with all sorts of men. I am now engaged like I said and struggling a bit at times. I often feel as if, in a way, relationships are a trap for both genders, but in this post, about women specifically. I feel like women are conditioned from childhood to believe that looks are their greatest asset. Men seem to me completely obsessed and overtaken by women's looks. I've become rather focused on this topic as I do deal w dysmorphia issues myself, but I often watch my brother or partner or dad when they come across a beautiful woman or even a cute young girl. People in these subs often talk about how a guy is never good enough, and I sympathize with that, believe me, because I myself often struggle with being satisfied. But with women....it feels like we are never good enough. The novelty wears off and you will never be as exciting or attractive as you once were. With porn, OF, escorts, casual hook-ups, what have you, you will never be enough variety. You will age and lose a huge aspect of attraction. Even if you are beautiful now, surely you're lacking something and there's a girl who has that. By ourselves it feels like we are never enough. And all the stories about the cheating behind the wives' back with a new opportunity or even by paying women. They will always want more than what you can offer. It feels like a huge trap. Like you've been brought up to compete and to make your looks sharp, but this truly only matters in the initial part of a relationship and then (though keeping yourself attractive matters ofc), you cannot compete with the other, newer, different women, etc. I want to emphasize that my partner doesn't make me feel any of those things. We have sex regularly, he tells me he will always find me attractive so long as I'm decently in shape, has given up porn, etc. If anything, he complains that it's me who's never satisfied with what he does/gives me, which is a HUGE problem that I need to change (currently reading Laura Doyle, thanks to this sub). I just want to know to what degree these thoughts are in my head due to my own issues and traumas and observations of the world, or to what degree we as women individually can truly never be enough for men and should just give up trying. I am in a small vacation these days and I guess not having much to do has me thinking about this all. Back in the day, women needed men for literal survival and provision. And while my quality of life has improved lots because of my relationship, I still wonder if it's worth the pain of feeling like I can never be good enough, which I've recognized would happen regardless of who I'm dating. At least while single you're ""out"" of this game. I know wives are FAR more important to their husbands than their looks, and that men are satisfied more easily, typically, but then again--we are told our whole lives our desirability is what matters most to then have to resign to losing it (to a degree) while in a forever relationship (which I wonder if it's even possible nowadays). And btw, an open relationship wouldn't solve these feelings personally as if anything it'd just reinforce my ideas and it's just not something I want at this point. I'd love to hear some thoughts and consolation, if possible. I get accused often of over-focusing on appearances as the most important thing, but God, isn't that the only thing that seems to matter nowadays? And it also feels like men are slaves to this over-sexualized world.",,16,Optimal-You-8238,2024-01-09 20:25:29 RedPillWomen,191tgyp,Was this inappropriate from fiance or is it in my head?,"Hello all, Me (24F) and my fiance (33M) recently got engaged after 1 year of dating. We have come visit my country of origin for the holidays and my mom threw a lunch with all of my family. Usually we have the same members but as of recently we have a new ""member"". Without going into much detail she's a distant cousin of mine whom I haven't seen in like 10 years since she just moved here. She's about 28 and had a baby recently, but was having major problems with the baby's dad and they separated for a while (apparently they're back living together now, not sure). When I last saw this girl she was beautiful and older than me, so I remember her getting lots of male attention (I was still too young) as she had this extremely feminine, sympathetic air to her and I remember admiring her myself and not feeling jealous. However, here's the drama, if you will. I have a brother of my fiance's age who is single. He works a lot and is a bit of a bachelor and would like to find a nice girl. This girl isn't related to him at all as we are half siblings and she's a distant cousin of mine. And given that we are a latin family with a bit of drama, my family told him a while ago that he should try something with her. Because he's the son of a single mom himself he's like no way, I don't want to raise someone else's child, despite admitting his attraction to her. My fiance had seen her in photos and had told my brother that she was pretty and had heard that she was good at housekeeping (she just moved from a latin country where it's quite typical), and that she seemed like a good girl (he also knows how lonely my brother is). However, eventually everyone left my brother alone about it as she does have a lot of drama with the baby's dad. I am a good looking, fit girl myself. I struggle with dysmorphia and do use cosmetic injections as it helps me feel better on camera (I'm a full-time youtuber). I'm used to getting lots of attentions and yet I'm deeply insecure about my looks/never feel attractive (a separate issue I need help with) and not going to lie, I was dreading my cousin coming into our family party as I knew she'd cause quite a thing among the guys. And so she showed up. Waist long dark hair, a tight black dress that showed off her figure (hourglass + boobs, which I lack), a beautiful face with almond eyes, super pretty feminine smile, etc. I couldn't help but compare myself and feel awful knowing my fiance was going to be super into her when he saw her as she is his type (especially being straight from latin america, which I'm not). I was super nice to her ofc, but deep down I wanted to die. During the lunch I was sitting next to my fiance, and him and my brother were sitting next to her and I could just tell how attracted they both were to her. No comments or flirting, but you can just tell when a man is drawn by a beautiful (and sexy) woman. My fiance was super affectionate with me the whole time and was only being kind to her, so of course I just put up with my own annoyance. At night, though, in bed we started chatting. He told me that he had told my brother that the girl was clearly easy on the eyes, and that she was into him (my brother), but that she had too much drama and that maybe she didn't want a relationship either and they could try something more casual. Later we were talking about how much I look like my aunt as we both have a big butt, and he remarked (in a joking way) on how my cousin also had one (I guess to emphasize the family thing). And then later he said that how if he were my brother--lonely, without sexual partners--he'd totally be with her. Which of course upset me and we talked about it, and he said that I was right, and that it was just a stupid thing to say, and that he didn't think it through. I was devastated as dumb as it seems. His attraction to her triggered me deeply and I know it has nothing to do with me, but I couldn't help but feel like shit to the point that I woke up in the middle of the night feeling bad and planning how I'm going to get back at him by telling him when I see I really a hot guy. My fiance is overall a good man. He works hard, makes an effort to change things that bother me, treats me like a princess, doesn't watch porn or follow IG thots, or any of that. He just doesn't think things through sometimes, especially regarding this topic. It doesn't happen very often at all which is why I've been meaning to let it slide (since I already expressed my discomfort and don't want to seem THAT insecure, as my parents tell me I need to lighten up about things of this sort). And yet, I feel like shit. I feel super inferior compared to her (which is a ME problem, and probably fabricated on top of that). And just feel like she radiated this sexual energy and like he probably was super attracted to her, and I just feel awful about those comments. I, too, feel that way about other guys but never ever let him know. He also said that in his culture (european, liberal) he felt comfortable saying these things to his ex's and that it was never a big deal, but that with me he'll be more careful. Should I bring it up again? Or should I learn to deal with these kinds of a things in a ""pick your battles"" sort of way? Thank you",,11,Optimal-You-8238,2024-01-08 19:24:24 RedPillWomen,191ysor,Should fat women date?,"I guess this is a question about whether I need soft or hard nun mode. 5’4”, 176 lbs, ugly-to-mid woman. Not good at makeup, can’t cook, “bad style” (whatever that means) But I’m 26 and time is running out.",,3,[deleted],2024-01-08 22:57:16 RedPillWomen,190x29g,I dont like dating promiscous men,"It seems like I would get scruitinized by red pill men for voicing that. But studies have shown that very promiscous men are more likely to cheat (this is true for women too) and less likely to be happy in a marriage. Its also kind of gross, tho I dont judge anyone who sleeps around as being a ""lower human being"". Its just my preference. The ""fresh and fit"" types are a huge turn off to me. Actually this is quiet common and some red pillers tend to ignore that most non promiscous women dont like men that are promiscous. ""For short-term relationships, men were more willing than women to get involved (although the difference was not large). For long-term relationships, in contrast, there was virtually no sex difference. Thus, contrary to the idea that male promiscuity is tolerated but female promiscuity is not, both sexes expressed equal reluctance to get involved with someone with an overly extensive sexual history."" But do women from this sub also have these preferences?",,112,LargeTry88,2024-01-07 17:19:09 RedPillWomen,190nmeq,i think my bf acts too femininely. opinions on what to do,"recently the guy i’ve been dating for a few months has been annoying me with the way that he acts. i prefer “manly” men so he was out of my type, but he is a very sweet, caring, funny, and smart man. i don’t doubt he loves me and he does a lot for me, i just get the ick from him so much lately. 1. he complains and constantly needs verbal affirmation. i’m always hearing him ask “babe do you even love me” in a whiny tone or “do you really mean it” when i say i do, or him pouting and saying “you don’t even want to talk to me anymore” whenever i’m slightly busy while talking to him. “why do you even love me” is a popular contestant. it’s really offputting and reminds me of a clingy teenage girl. it’s gotten to the point where i have had to set a restriction for him to ONLY say “do you even love me” TWICE A DAY. and he’s failing so far. 2. his actions, he likes to put his head on my shoulder or physically act cutesy and i hate it. whenever i shake him off or tell him not to do that, he starts pouting and calling me mean. it drives me crazy when he calls me mean because he says that ALL the time whenever i jokingly insult him. 3. he’s really sensitive, like he is ALWAYS complaining that i’m mean. for example today he told me he was tired and i told him “then you should sleep. goodnight.” he got upset called me “mean” because obviously that meant he “wanted to talk” to me. ?????? he uses a higher pitched whiny voice when he gets in this mood, which is WAY too often, and i hate it 4. when we have sex he is more dominant, and i like that, but he keeps insisting that he’s “still cute”. what?? i keep telling him i like him dominant and he’s insistent that he’s cute. it makes me nauseous. when he is not acting like this, we are very healthy and he is great at communicating with me. the sex is great. we laugh and have a lot of fun. but i don’t know if i can get past this when this is the other 40% of being with him. he makes jokes about being the girlfriend sometimes it literally feels like he is. idk if its past me to do anything about it/talk to him or if i can salvage this. i try acting more femininely but it’s not doing much, i think he enjoys acting this way and idk what to do. would it be beyond me to tell him to “act manlier”?",,40,Useful-Size7567,2024-01-07 08:27:37 RedPillWomen,1913my0,Anxious newcomer,"(Deleted this post by mistake, here it is again!) Hi, guys---22F here, just getting into RPW more seriously. I've been reading up on it for a few months and it really resonates with me. I want intimacy and to find a serious partner to build a future with, but I wanted to ask about N-Counts, as I'm ashamed of mine. I know I'm young, but I think I've made a lot of mistakes when it comes to it. I had my fair share of flings towards the tail-end of the pandemic---at the time I had taken a gap year, and so I effectively but unintentionally completely isolated myself for over a year. Coming out of it, I wasn't in the best mindset, especially as I had broken up with my long-term boyfriend of over a year around the start of lockdown due to long-distance. I had casual relationships and I recognize now that it was awful for me. I would end up catching feelings and I wish I had the sense at the time to seek out professional help. I regret that whole time and I wish I could undo it. I know I need to face the consequences of my own actions, and I don't want to lie to a future partner about it, either---I can hope that it either wouldn't come up, or that I can decline to share (I know that a man would have every right to not want to pursue me if I don't disclose, which I accept.) I guess what I want to ask is if there is any way I could find a HVM who accepts me despite my mistakes? Is there anything I can do to improve my chances? I have been in a full-intentional nun mode for close to three months, focused on improving myself and getting fitter. I know that I'm not owed any man or relationship, but I want a family and someone to love more than anything and I'm having a hard time coping with the fact that I might have messed that up for myself because I didn't think through my actions. Thank you for any advice anyone can offer.",,3,bunnybearears,2024-01-07 21:49:42 RedPillWomen,190bpyv,Feeling betrayed by RedPillWomen.,"I went super hard with RPW & the Surrendered Wife after I got married. I let him take the lead, bore him two babies back to back, cooked him gourmet meals twice a day, offered him blow jobs every day, tried every fantasy he had, everything. He was always low libido which made me sad but I figured it was stress and tried to just be a better wife. After the birth of our second baby and a fair amount of sexual rejection, I’m ashamed to admit I looked at his history and found regular porn use stretching back years. I estimated he’d seen 1000 or more naked women in the time since he’d last shown interest in seeing me naked. I was super crushed and hormonal, he felt terrible and after a couple attempts stopped using it, and our sex life improved and is now pretty great, as long as he focuses on just kissing and emotional connection because physically I’m covered with loose skin and stretch marks from pregnancy and he’s admitted it’s a turnoff. I’ve lost all the weight and toned up my body and had a huge glow up - frankly I look hot as hell with clothes on - but nothing I can do will make me look like the tight teenagers that turned him on naked. And even if some surgery could achieve this, what would happen when I start to age? I’m 29 now. I reread Fascinating Womanhood and Laura Doyle and more and I tried really hard to just be confident and feel sexy so he’ll think I’m sexy, etc but every time we have sex and he avoids looking at our touching the majority of my body and he closes his eyes and I wonder who he’s thinking about I feel used and cold toward him. I find my attention leaving him and I find myself more interested in other people and life outside my family because it hurts too much to be home with him. I was so devoted to him and our children, family, home, legacy - I sacrificed my body, career, and more and am left with less sexual value. I’m sorry but I feel cheated by the RPW approach. It resonated with me and felt so right, but I mistakenly thought my devotion would be enough to keep him smitten with me forever.",,140,Fearless_Room_1970,2024-01-06 22:12:14 RedPillWomen,190n08t,Realising what kind of a partner I have been,"I am new to RPW and I have spent the last few days reading up and learning what I need to know. This all makes complete sense and resonates completely . I can see how the red pill approach could completely change my relationship. That being said I will now be implementing and living by the red pill approach. Since joining this sub reddit I have realised I have a HVM that I have seriously taken for granted. I have nagged for years, been unappreciative and focused on everything he wasn’t doing rather than the many many many things he was doing. He is 17 years older than me and after being together for 6 or 7 years I can now look back and see I have been immature in so many areas. I have also expected so much from him without offering him any reason to want to fulfill these expectations . I have been pretty toxic when I think about it in the sense that I’ve often acted out of insecurity and a need to control and domineer everything. RPW has allowed me to see all the ways I have disrespected and emasculated someone who is actually a great provider and committed too. He owns his home, has a high paying job and has e sure I never go without. He takes me out for dinners and even upgraded my car. When we had a very short break up he kept my two dogs and cared for them as he didn’t want them to be rehomed. He’s a great man and Also I should of learnt STFU like 6 years ago.. On reflection I can see that I haven’t been showing respect or interacting in a way that would hype my man up and make him feel valued. From now on I will be dedicated to being a RPW. Any tips or advice for me? I imagine it’s going to take a while to see results/a difference in my man… this is because I think it’s going to take a while for him to be receptive to the approach after years of me being a bratty, entitled, childish bitch. I really need to build him up as a RPW. I am truly ashamed of my behaviour and this subreddit has only just made me aware of it now. Also, Do you think I should acknowledge this newfound realisation to him and express my commitment to respect and honouring him? Or not mention it but just change my ways pronto? I know he has had some hard relationships and has been cheated on and scammed - even had an ex stage all his stuff being stolen for an insurance claim. He has also had exes standing on the driveway loudly degrading him by using his full name and making proclamations about the size of his penis for all of the neighbourhood to hear. He is also a full time father after his baby mamma disappeared when his son was three due to drug addiction. I don’t want to belittle him any further as this seems to be a theme for him in his intimate relationships. Please advise all the ways I can build him up and not be another shit women staining his self esteem and pride.",,20,Imaginary_Cupcake214,2024-01-07 07:45:57 RedPillWomen,1901m9j,What changes have you seen in your man since RP?,"I’m just curious what long term changes you’ve noticed in him by implementing RP practices. Like does he pay more attention to your needs or get your door more often, small things like that. I know we can only change ourselves, but I’m wondering how that affects his actions.",,26,Hang_your_halo,2024-01-06 14:52:22 RedPillWomen,190j9jg,Need advice on work relationship,"This is a throw away account, but I (34f) have been coming here to read advice for about 7 years and taken a lot of the philosophy to heart. For sure it helped me win my husband over while we were dating. And also gave me freedom in a lot of ways. My husband (37m) and I have been married 5 years. We have two children and an idealic life. I don't have many complaints about my husband. We both work at the same company but completely different areas and have been for 3 years. My team is all over the country and I work mostly remotely. There is a man (probably not older than 40) that I have developed a serious crush on that works tangentially with my team. I see him in person once or twice a week. We work well together and he is kind to me. We don't flirt in any sort of traditional manner. But I am drawn to him (and I can tell he is to me) like two magnets. This is attraction is obviously not appropriate as we are both married, and happily married at that! I have started looking for another job, but cannot find anything close to what I have now. I am the breadwinner for our house and can't just quit. And I can't avoid my crush at work and still do my job. And even I did quit, my husband would insist on knowing why. What do I say to him if I quit, ""Sorry, I have a crush on this guy. Enjoy working with him while I peace out?"" Pretty sure that would ruin my marriage. My feelings have been slowly developing for this guy at work for about two years, so this isn't new. In a few weeks I'm suppose to travel across the country with him and meet the rest of my team for a week. I wouldn't sleep with him or anything like that, but I am feeling guilty about looking forward to the conversations I'll get to have with him. Like it's an indulgence. He values my perspective, treats me with respect, sincerely apologizes when he messes up, and teaches me a lot about our industry. And he shows up. You know the ""if he wanted to he would"" man? This guy is always surprising me by how he's willing to show up without me asking. He matches my passion to go a good job. We do have unspoken boundaries: we do not touch, ever. We don't even stand close to each other, unless we have too. We don't text/message each other unless it's about work during working hours. We rarely chat about not work topics unless we are traveling somewhere together. Then we indugle in philosophy and moral discussions. We don't talk about our personal lives that much and we never disparage our spouses. (We rarely mention them, I didnt even know his wife's name for over a year.) So we aren't doing anything wrong, that I can pinpoint. Its just my feelings getting in the way of things and I'm not sure how to fix it. What would you do if you were me?",,2,Anon012024,2024-01-07 04:10:20 RedPillWomen,18zt2pk,Want kids before 30 but BF wants to wait,"Hi all. I’m 28(F) dating 28(M). We’ve been together 5 months and I asked him a week ago when he sees himself having kids. He’s told me before he wants marriage and a family. He said that he doesn’t want to be a young dad, and would want to be in his thirties for his first and be more financially stable and enjoy marriage first before kids. I understand this but ideally would want my first child by at least 30. I said by 33 I want to be a mom, and he said that’s not that far away. I have had a miscarriage before in an abusive relationship and want children more than anything, and know it’s more risk the older you get. My miscarriage was due to the stress of the abuse. I’m not established in my career yet due to layoffs and neither is he, so I very much see his point. However I love him very much, feel he is my person, and absolutely adore him and we agree on everything in life. But I don’t know what to do as I want to be a mom more than anything; but don’t want to start having kids mid thirties. Thoughts?",,14,snootfly242,2024-01-06 06:01:10 RedPillWomen,1906t4a,Moving in with boyfriend,"My(28F) boyfriend(27M) wants us to move in History of us: We met in University, we do Master program. Become exclusive after 3 months dating ( after my push) On a break 1 month: I broke up with him cos he does not show enough commitment ( attention, time spend together…). Come back together cos he promised to change On another break 3 months: I broke up with him cos I wanted to build a relationship towards marriage, but he didnt know what he wanted. We come back because he wants to build up future with me, and get marriage together and have kids Now, everything comes into stable, I met his family, and he wants me to move in with him. I love this man, he is a providing, ambitious man, and loves me, always tries his best to please me. Treat me very well. His family is very lovely and likes me too. However, he just graduates this month, and still considers different job offer. I plan to graduate in Nov. So I think on Finance sector it is not ok On Stability of relationship, I realized this man is capable of doing many things and overcome obstacles, however, always needs my little push, I still wait to see his strong Leadership His apartment, he used to live with his ex 1.3 year ago, and I dont like to move in there I also expect engagement before moving in How to put these argument in a subtle feminine way to encourage him to do more in relationship, and reject the idea of moving in? ( he is Germany, and I am Asian - to add more cultural perspective)",,2,Lopsided-Kale-193,2024-01-06 18:42:59 RedPillWomen,18zpjk1,At what point does nun mode become redundant?,"I am revisiting RPW at 26, I admittedly have ignored rpw advice for a bit because I thought I was young and had all the time. I'm 26 now and have always dreamed of having a husband and 6 children and I'm getting very worried about my increasing age, especially considering I am NOWHERE NEAR ready to date, I actually need to break something off right now. I have never truly committed to a nun mode despite being advised to many times over by multiple different parties who don't even KNOW each other. I want to finally buckle down and do nun mode, and for as long as I possibly can without being unrealistic for the type of family I aspire to (I worry about running out of time for my body clock during this time I need BADLY to heal and don't want to skimp on this healing whatsoever!)-- even before I approached this time, though, I always wondered at what amount of time does being in nun mode start to backfire because you're not dropping your hankerch. I rven wonder for ""normal"" women who aren't as far gone as me, like 18 year olds or rpw followers of *any* age who have followed an average or more amount of rpw advice in her life, intentionally or not. I know there has to be a certain amount of time that starts to turn into what one would call, ""cat lady"" territory. What should I do for my situation, and what would you advise most rpw to use as the ""cutoff"" for nun mode? I know the wiki says a minimum is 6 months, but there has to be a maximum before you start looking like a, ""I dont need a man"" woman whether you mean to or not, and start sabotaging your future because your sense of allocated time is skewed ",,0,curiousrpwlurker,2024-01-06 02:53:18 RedPillWomen,18ykqjy,Book Recommendation,"Hello all! There's posts from time to time about women wanting to encourage other women in their life to look into RPW; while that's understandably cautioned against, I'd maybe recommend this book as a subtle entry point. [https://www.amazon.com/Foot-Too-Big-Glass-Slipper/dp/1451692668](https://www.amazon.com/Foot-Too-Big-Glass-Slipper/dp/1451692668) This is a book by Gabrielle Reece about her marrriage. A lot of the things she suggests are RPW approved, such as cheerfully greeting her husband when he gets home, letting him be a man and lead, and regularly initiating sex. It also talks about the importance of women maintaining their own physical health with exercise and diet. Given that this is written by a successful professional athlete, and it isn't openly RP, I think this might be a decent introduction for skeptical friends! I also just really enjoyed reading the book, so I wanted to recommend it to the community. ",,12,Valuable_Place1265,2024-01-04 18:55:05 RedPillWomen,18yj0d8,3 Act Journey,"A few recent posts from younger women got me thinking about a woman's journey regarding relationships. The choices one makes can profoundly alter one's path in life. I found it challenging to conceptualize, having never been a woman. Though most of us experience a relatively pedestrian journey, the 'choices in love' we make as we enter adulthood can alter our trajectory in life. Here's a classic formula for a 3 Act storyline. * Act 1 – Rise to Prominence * Act 2 – Fall From Grace * Act 3 – Redemption - Return to Glory The story of Apple’s Steve Jobs follows this classic 3 Act formula. His meteoric rise at a youthful age was followed by an equally spectacular fall from grace as a consequence of his hubris. Finally, after years of toiling in exile, he redeemed himself (with Pixar) and regained leadership of his beloved Apple. In heroic fashion, he took it from the brink of disaster to spectacular market domination. His death at the peak of Apple's success solidified his legacy as a legendary business icon. Relationships can follow this pattern... * Act 1 - Burning Desire * Act 2 - Honeymoon's Over - higher friction, lower heat. * Act 3 - Love Grows Relationships often fail to launch or fizzle out in Act 2. The coming-of-age journey of a woman can also follow this 3 Act pattern. **Act 1:** Her 'hot babe in the spotlight' years. Youthful beauty is honey to a bee for a man. Her desirability opens her up to a world of possibilities, some of which can be corruptive. *""Beauty is power; a smile is its sword.""* \~ John Ray By choice or circumstances, some women never enjoyed much of an Act 1 'hot girl' lifestyle, which might be a blessing in disguise. Others will try to sustain the Act 1 spotlight for as long as possible. These days, with the widespread use of social media platforms, this Act 1 stage can be prominent and prolonged. **Act 2:** She gets dragged down, maybe by outside forces, maybe by questionable choices, maybe by pride, maybe by her femininity and modesty being tossed aside. She spirals downwards instead of rising higher. The hero's journey involves two parallel storylines – a series of external challenges as well as internal struggles regarding personal character. It's the internal journey that matters most. Overcoming adversity and becoming a better person makes for a very compelling story. Some women languish in Act 2. Maybe they've had the deck stacked against them their entire life. Maybe they had everything going for them and still managed to fall spectacularly to the temptations of a hedonistic, self-indulgent lifestyle. Some get stuck in a victim storyline and eventually become miserable crabs in a bucket who resent those enjoying Act 1 or 3. Disillusioned, embittered, hardened. Transitioning from Act 2 to 3 is the challenge. Some fail to turn themselves around because it's so much easier to go with the flow, play the victim or deny any flaws out of social and emotional self-preservation. **Act 3:** She rises back up to become a remarkable woman. She finds a remarkable man and builds a family and life together. Not that family life is the only available happy ending. Some women make the full journey to reach Act 3, with some of them eventually rising far higher than those who have never suffered a humbling fall from grace. Some have avoided the pitfalls of Act 1 and 2, but are stuck waiting for their Act 3 to commence. Some slide effortlessly into Act 3, without spending any lost years 'finding themselves'. Does a profound and prolonged Act 1 strongly correlate to a profound and prolonged Act 2? A hard partying lifestyle can certainly corrupt. Not everyone reaches age 30 having aged well, especially in terms of character. In my experience, most people tend to lead relatively pedestrian lives without dramatic downturns. However, that was prior to social media. Everything has changed. Some women see themselves as stars of their own Kardashian-esque movie saga. Chances are we'll see more women getting mired in Act 2 as they suffer the consequences of their indulgent choices and princess egos. How does a career factor into this? It's a slow grind upwards to higher levels of grind. Lots of adversity and growth. Some make this their primary journey. Family isn't for everyone. What's your take on this? Have you experienced any dark chapters in your journey? Did you have the benefit of strong mentors or role models to help you avoid learning things the hard way? Do you know any people who have experienced a dramatic fall from grace?",,14,RedPillDad,2024-01-04 17:45:08 RedPillWomen,18yll0e,Is it normal to struggle at implementing RPW tools?,"I've discovered RPW in the past couple of months and I've been working on implementing its tools with mixed results. I've done much better than before thanks to it, but I am still having points where I'm a shrew like my mother was before I catch myself. It came to a head last night when I held in my feelings too long and blew up at him, disrespecting him and doing the opposite of bringing his life peace. I'm feeling discouraged and am wondering if it's normal to not succeed at implementing RPW tools at first.",,9,JustAnotherBoymoder,2024-01-04 19:29:35 RedPillWomen,18y6f4i,Want kids but bf is poor,"I’m 35F and running out of time to have kids. My bf is red pilled, sweet, fun, smart, loyal, and sexually attractive. The only problem is I make more money than he does. He works but he’s in a dead end job. Ugh I hate it so much. It makes me feel manly. He hates it too and feels emasculated. We don’t talk about it a lot bc it’s such a sore subject. Should I cut my losses and run? Or try to “inspire” him via “feminine energy” to find a new career field?",,43,ColeIsBae,2024-01-04 06:29:25 RedPillWomen,18y1caq,Do any other new comers feel 'silly'?,"Over the past 2 years or so I've been slowly transitioning to looking more feminine (acting more feminine is still a work in progress), but now that ive found red pill ideology i cant help but feel a bit silly that I even want to implement these tactics to become a ""better"" woman/partner I wouldnt say i was ever blue pill necessarily, but i do come from years of the mindset that I am good enough just the way I am, and if a man cant accept that then he isnt the right man for me Im sure there is some truth to this statement but the 'way i was' included no makeup, lazy clothes, masculine behaviors, very little attention on finer details like shaving or nails, ""who am i dressing up for"", etc. Obviously i was not attracting good quality men So here i am looking for ways to improve myself but I feel like im being a sell-out or compromising my personal integrity 'for a man'. The whole thing feels shallow, but I dont want it to. Any advice or words of wisdom?",,18,[deleted],2024-01-04 02:09:12 RedPillWomen,18yfdhy,Talking to first red pill guy,Hey just looking for some advice. I met an amazing guy a few weeks ago in like somewhere he struck up conversation and we ended up exchanging phone numbers. The first time we hung out after that I actually met his parents and some family friends. We spent like 10 hours together and then he asked me to spend NYE with he and his friends the next day. So far things going well until I was with him yesterday and mentioned something about my guy friends and he started talking about how that’s a red flag and all this. We had a really long 4 hour conversation about relationships and it was immediately clear to me he’s definitely an Andrew Tate mentality red pill guy. Which I’m completely fine with honestly but I feel like I messed up big time bringing up my guy friends and need some tips on how to show him I can be the red pill girl he wants. He is a gentleman has a good job and we are so similar on so many levels I could really see my self marrying this person and don’t want to mess it up. Just please any advice would be helpful,,0,CranberryElegant8675,2024-01-04 15:11:06 RedPillWomen,18xxb0x,F23 seeking advice on attracting the right partner,"Hey, fellow Redditors! So, I'm 23, and I've got this whole family and kids thing on my mind. But here's the scoop: I seem to attract guys I'm not into, and the ones I want – you know, honest, hardworking, respectful, in good shape – either aren't feeling it or aren't up for a relationship. People say I'm attractive, and I get random compliments from men,women,kids. I had the thought that I have to be a better person to attract the right kind of guy. But I feel like no matter how much I improve myself it is not enough. Am I really that broken? Is something else wrong with me? Now, here's the dilemma: should I lower my standards and settle for someone just to be in a relationship? The last guy I dated was generous and hardworking, in a good shape but super avoidant. I dated him for a year and I feel like I was never taken seriously when I talk about my needs and that he couldn't care less. Had to bounce for the sake of my sanity and self-worth. Currently, I'm with a chill guy who's easy to get along with, has self-control, but, does drugs sometimes and skips the gym. Mixed bag, right? I keep hearing advice about focusing on myself, but when I'm caught up in my own stuff, when the heck do I find time to meet people and go on dates? Feeling the ticking clock, y'all, and wondering if I'm running out of time. Any advice or similar experiences out there? Share your wisdom please 🤔🙌",,9,Virtual-Locksmith294,2024-01-03 23:15:43 RedPillWomen,18wzazi,Relationship Prioritization,"There have been recent posts on other subs that I’ve seen from women who are upset that their married friends don’t prioritize their friendship once married. A recent post actually said that she was “sick of married women always prioritizing their husbands over their friends.” I feel for those women and can understand that loosing a friend, no matter the reason, can be a painful experience. But, I’m also completely on the other side. When I got married, my husband became (and remains) my #1 priority. My family is my #1 priority and there is no one that comes before them. Because of this my circle of friends shrunk considerably. And frankly, I’m secure in that. The circle I have today as a married woman is small, but mighty. And I count that as a win. But, I wanted to hear your thoughts and the RP perspective on this. If you’re married, how did your friendships and priorities change after marriage? How did you feel about that? Do you have any regrets? If you’re single, but experienced this from the other side, how did it make you feel to see those friendships change/fade? Did you blame the woman or her marriage for those changes?",,26,robikn22,2024-01-02 20:24:51 RedPillWomen,18xquno,Men don't care about women with high body count if they are attractive,"you dont need to be smart to point out that, but if a woman is really beautiful, they won't care about their past since men are visual creatures, it's just a cope that they care about a woman not being promiscuous. That's why onlyfans women if they're beautiful, there are a lot of men courting them, and wanting to marry them..",,0,thatblackhair,2024-01-03 18:56:50 RedPillWomen,18vsprs,Where can I go to find a man who is open to me being a stay at home wife?,"If and when I have kids, I want to raise them. I want to be there for them for at least the first 4 to 5 years of their life, that's when they need you. From a developmental perspective it's insane that we (americans) leave new born children with strangers and go back to work. Honestly this might be what's responsible for many of the ills in modern American society. Finding a guy who is like minded about this seems unlikely. They will label me a gold digger, or not being feminist since i have prioritized my role as a mother over my role as a worker. I'm not religious and would prefer to not be with someone religious, however I feel this demographic might be my best hope. Willing to move abroad as well. Thoughts?",,51,Quirky-Schedule-6788,2024-01-01 08:45:43 RedPillWomen,18vetz2,I Asked My Husband to Pay Me a $1 an Hour to Clean,"###The Problem: I don't keep a neat enough house. We have a lovely home that my husband has earned us, and I simply don't do it justice. Now I have a lot of excuses for this, of which an energetic toddler and clingy one year old are at the top. But there's no getting around the fact that a messy house makes life less pleasant for all of us. Over the years I've tried coming up with suggestions on how he could do more, how he could watch the kids so I can do more, or things we could buy that would help. None of these suggestions went over that well. So, I looked inward. ###The Solution: After reflecting on what I find most motivating and what resources my husband has most to give, I came to him with a proposal. I would track all of the time I spent cleaning in a spreadsheet, and he would pay $1 an hour for my efforts. Though he said the rate seemed too low to be effective, I insisted. Since I would track the data, it would be easy to change the rate. I didn't want the number to be high enough that he would feel obligated to clean more. It was important it was an amount he wouldn't miss, but enough to where it was worth my time to record. ###The Result: I'm about half a year in now, and the situation has greatly improved. The house still isn't quite as neat as we'd like, but now that I think of it as my responsibility, I no longer harbor any negative thoughts about how much my husband does around the house. My biggest motivations to clean before now were performing act of services for my husband, out of obligation to my family, or because the mess was stressing me. Being able to have a selfish, positive motivation has really changed the way my brain processes doing chores. My husband is more likely to clean as well! He much prefers taking the kitchen from okay to good, as opposed to from bad to okay. The greatest point of satisfaction for me has come from tracking the data. I originally thought the extra pocket money would be my favorite part, but I actually love seeing my work realized onto paper the most. Recording my chores makes me feel like nothing I do goes unnoticed or unappreciated. I like to challenge myself to have no zero days, even if that's only five minutes of picking up. It's fun to have streaks, or to set a new cleaning record. My husband also praises me more. It went from something we often disagreed on, to something where we both feel we got what we wanted. My time management is better. At first, I didn't really know how long everything took. Now, I know that no matter how messy the dishes may look, I can unload a dishwasher, partially load it, and hand wash a couple of the big items in just fifteen minutes. Tasks seem more doable. I track my average amount of time spent cleaning by the month, and have noticed how many minutes I need to spend per week for the house to mostly feel in order. The difference between a bad week or a great one is often only a few hours. Identifying an aspect of our lives that needed improvement, coming up with an idea that feels as though we both got our way, and seeing it come to fruition was a major win. I've enjoyed becoming a bit more self-reliant in my chores and in my emotional regulation. It's very uplifting to witness how much power I have to improve the lives of my family. Going forward, we've decided to try to replicate our success here with a challenge to restrict screen time for myself and the kids. We hope to see similar results.",,48,ArkNemesis00,2023-12-31 19:16:02 RedPillWomen,18vkp21,What would you do?,"I apologize in advance for the long read.. my life is crumbling. I need advice… or tough love. I was raised in traditional Christian home. I come from a large family, so I was always surrounded with successful loving marriages. I knew from a very young age that my purpose in life was to be a serving wife, first and foremost, and a mother soon after. So at the young age of 15, I went looking for my husband. I didn’t put much thought into who he was.. I chose the first person that would have me. I found him a year later, got married at 19 and amicably divorced a couple years later. We were very different people and chalked it up to being young. I regrouped. I worked on myself. I built a business. I made myself more worthy of another partner to make up for the “baggage” I would bring into a new relationship. Some time passes (26) and I was quickly becoming a career woman. Although successful, I was empty. I was chasing purpose in a career that would never fulfill me. I wanted to be a wife so badly. So I sought out advice from every source I could. One being a public figure. I told him about where I am in life and what I want for myself but I can’t seem to achieve it. His advice to me was to marry his brother. Skeptical, his brother reaches out and we start talking. It’s more of an interview on my part because I don’t like wasting time. I ask all the important questions. I’m hearing everything I’ve ever wanted to hear. Our values and expectations are aligned. He’s all I’ve ever wanted. He proposed a month later. And we quickly got pregnant a month after that. Admittedly, there was a ton of red flags I overlooked. Amidst my “interview”, I had asked about previous relationships, drugs and alcohol consumption and lying. I had never once considered that he would lie about everything he told me. It was impossible to me because of who his brother was, and how we both looked up to him. Throughout the last two years I called off the wedding and I’d threaten to leave him AT LEAST once a month due to his addictions to coke/ alcohol and over all laziness. (Drinks everyday, does coke multiple times a week, didn’t work). It was always “I’m sorry, I’ll change” or “everything will be different when the baby comes”. It was a rough pregnancy, and even tougher first year raising our son. We would have some good days in between. Those would be the days he convinced me to get legally married, give up my business and leave my apartment. I constantly took him at his word, and let him lead our family. What choice did I have? I had nothing at that point. Plus, I didn’t want to break up our family for my sons sake. Nothing was changing. His habits all stayed the same. So, in November, I finally left him. I took our son, and moved into my parents. A week later, I found out I was pregnant. And now crumbling. I’m raising a one year old on my own while dealing with a horribly nauseous pregnancy. We have no money to our name. My husband barely worked. He is a trust fund baby of sorts. But he made sure to open up his own bank account when I left him so we couldn’t use any of his parents money. I don’t know where to go from here. My family is really supportive. But i don’t know anyone who would want to raise two kids alone. Especially not me. Being a a wife was my dream. I love my kids. But my kids will grow up and raise families of their own. Who will I have? I feel like I have nothing to offer anyone now. My husband made sure to tell me that as well. What would you do if you were in my position?",,7,Looseforbiden,2024-01-01 00:12:23 RedPillWomen,18ud5gs,should I pick the guy I love or the guy that loves me?,"I'm 22 and I've been seeing someone I really like for the past 4 months, we met after days of breaking up with my ex. this guy, he's 25, we get along really well, we have crazy chemistry, we can talk for hours about everything and anything and not get bored, he makes me feel like the prettiest girl in the world, but he's still hesitant about the concept of marriage, haven't told his family about me because he has some problems with them and, is still studying so he doesn't know where he would be in the next 5 years so it's harder for him to include me in a future he's not certain about my ex is 29, he has a good job, loves me so much, told his family about me and introduced me to them, wants to get married to me, his future is stable, and knows where exactly he sees us in the near and far future, but I don't enjoy my time with him as much as I do with the guy I'm talking to right now, doesn't make me feel as pretty, and don't get along as well too. now my ex's older sister contacted me wanting to talk to me and I know she's going to ask me to get back with her brother and I need to make a decision before I get back to her. I'm afraid that I'll regret not getting back to him once the guy I'm talking to leaves the picture since he's not as serious about me as my ex is, but I know for a fact is both of them were proposing right now, I'd pick him over my ex any day. please help, I know no one can make this decision for me, but any insight is highly appreciated &#x200B;",,14,[deleted],2023-12-30 10:53:57 RedPillWomen,18uag8w,Red Pill Origins,"I'm very curious to learn about the origins of RP and RPW theory. When and how did it become a ""movement""/clear theory? Who established it? I understand that it's based on objective truths that you could say are timeless, but that's not really the answer I'm after. I've looked through the wiki and there doesn't seem to be any info on where this all came from. Do any of you out there know? Or can point me to resources that go onto it? Edit: Thank you to everyone who replied! ",,13,FancyPants882,2023-12-30 07:53:38 RedPillWomen,18u6a0k,Dating,"TW: Sexual Assault Rape, herpes, drugs Im 29 years old and I never really dated seriously for several reasons. I was raised by my fairly conservative catholic grandparents from the age of 3 years old and grew up pretty sheltered, while the topic of sex was discussed and my grandparents let me know they didn’t approve of promiscuity in part due to my aunt getting pregnant at 17. My grandparents never kicked out my aunt but rather she lived in the spare bedroom and her baby daddy of course didn’t stick around she eventually meet my uncle shortly after and they have 5 kids all adults now and have been married for a little over 30 years. Because I really didn’t want my grandparents to meddle to much into my dating life as they can be a over protective and some what “helicopter parents” I didn’t date in Highschool. I also knew most Highschool relationships never lasted so I wanted to save myself the heartbreak. I had my first relationship at 18, with one of my dads karate students and it was pretty casual we went on one real date, mostly just hung out with him and his friends and he ended up being emotionally abusive and later molested me on a date, we were hiking in the woods eventually we broke up and I also found out he was cheating on my with his girlfriend now wife. He was actually cheating on both of us. We never had sex, we only kissed. But he did want to have sex and tried to pressure me during the relationship. It didn’t last long maybe a year. My second relationship was a few years later in my early 20s and it was casual as well because at the time neither one of us drove. We hung out. Met his friends, family, little sisters. He introduced me to marijuana which I still smoke to this day. I don’t drink much, smoke cigs or do drugs. We broke up because at the time he kind of lacked ambition wasn’t working anywhere. I tried being friends but he didn’t want too. i had oral sex with him 1st time. After that I had a few friends with benefits who I only had oral sex with and then when I was 26 I lost my virginity to a Highschool friend. I was dealing with a lot of drama, my grandparents died in 2016 & 2021, in addition to my moms dad in 2021 and my little sister of a heroin overdose in 2022. I was also kicked out of my grandmother house by my aunts and uncle, mainly because my one aunt wanted the house for myself as my grandmother was dying in hospice. My aunts and uncles were emotionally abusive growing up rarely helped us with our grandparents and felt we had to earn our keep. So I was dealing with all that from 2019-2021 then I got apartment was dealing with the aftermath of all the drama and became very depressed. My dad’s siblings and my cousins all abandoned me after that. I wanted to feel better so I engaged in hook up culture after losing my virginity and had around 6 hookups and 4 FWBs most fizzled out but were my actual friends from Highschool. I also experienced 2 rapes. And contracted herpes 1 oral (asymptomatic) I still consider myself lucky. I am now 29, hoping to settle down hopefully have a long term relationship and possibly marry and kids. I know my body count is fairly high but I’m more concerned about dating with herpes and lack of experience. I’m on bumble and tried a STD dating site but was some reason kicked off. So I’m not sure how to go about dating? I’m also in therapy. I do have abandonment and codependency issues anxiety and depression. My parents are divorced and was placed with my grandparents due to my dads drug use he now sober. My mom I don’t really have a relationship with. My stepmom I do but she struggles with addiction as well. I have sisters including a twin who only had 2 bfs, my older sisters are happily married but we grew up apart have different moms. I’m working on reconnecting with them. I’m hoping I can find a good man despite my lower SMV.",,10,Legitimate-Market363,2023-12-30 03:57:14 RedPillWomen,18u5h8b,in love with a narcissist?,"hi guys, My ex is abusive & im pretty sure a narcissist & i still want him to love me… i actually posted on here looking for help on why my bf was telling me i was disrespecting him & looking for attention from other men by making too much eye contact, wearing make up, etc. you guys actually gave me really great advice about self improvement - it turns out tho i’m pretty sure he was just in the devalue stage in the abuse cycle of a toxic relationship. so here’s what happened. he did not keep some of his commitments, i tired to set a boundary, he was blacking out at the club & lying to me about having girls over to his house after - we broke up bc of it we decided to try again; he started saying horrible things to me then apologizing, that cycle - turned out he was cheating on me. we broke up. i still loved him. i believed him when he said he was sorry and would never hurt me like that again but - a month of him trying to get me back, he got me a ring and said he wanted to build a future together and i agreed to try again, a week of us officially back together he started to do the little devalue things again. i didn’t trust him so i realized i was going to start act controlling & i didn’t trust his leadership so i was going to start behaving in a way where i wouldn’t like me. i also didn’t like all of the control i let him have over me (i wasn’t allowed to wear any make up or dresses, and i love sundresses - meanwhile he was having sex with other girls - including a married one!! i just didn’t feel like it was fair and i know i shouldn’t have given it another try after i found out he was cheating) after everything that has happened, this time i couldn’t stand it. he started not caring about how i feel and still expecting me to just stay home while he was out. i chose to go to a dinner with some girls (there was one guy with a gf there & he said that was the same as him cheating on me) i snapped & i told him every thing i really thought about him - that he was a loser & a fraud. i was drunk or else i probably wouldn’t have done this. i have never talked to someone like this, i saw him getting insecure & my real self would have comforted him but i didn’t let up. we went to bed the next morning he responded by having me talk on the phone to his dad right when i woke up (acting like everything was fine? maybe looking for an albu for whatever he was thinking of doing?) then ripping a necklace he got me off my neck (cutting me as it broke on my neck) & screaming at me. he emailed me that day after i blocked him on everything blaming me for his “reaction” - i told him it was fine he had to find some excuse for his shitty treatment towards me to be ok so use whatever. then called me telling me how much he loved me & he wants to be with me & that i said horrible things to him & asking if i really thought he was a loser (i think he might’ve been crying) he told me he cried after i left that day & that i fucked him over and disrespected him by going to that dinner- it turned into him getting mad that i didn’t care he didn’t want me to go to dinner and him threatening to beat up my dad (i live with my family) i again blocked him on everything and the last messege i wrote was something like u should be mad at yourself for ur actions that ruined our relationship but it’s ok i understand you don’t have the inner strength to look at yourself so u need to blame someone else. i haven’t answered any of his blocked calls and this is the first day in over a year he has not contacted me …. & i’m sad? i wish he had. i know he is abusive & im 99% sure he is a narcissist. i know i didn’t deserve all of the things he did to me but - i want him back? i want him to love me or care about me.. it’s like i could almost sweep all of this under the rug & be with him if i felt like he cared?? clearly i know by his actions he didn’t love me or care about hurting me - i can point to time after time him doing stuff on purpose to hurt me with no remorse and finding some way to blame me for why he was treating me so bad.. but i just wish i could do soemthing to wake him up & make him care about him.. i’m having nightmares about him every night. i think something is wrong with me. i kept waiting for him to be so horrible, i stopped caring about him - but things just got worse & worse & i still even right now, care. what do i do? one thing he said in the last convo was “remember what i’m saying - u want to go head to head w me? in my city? i’ll get u back”i said no i do not want to go head to head to you.. but like get me back??? cheating on me and everything else wasn’t enough.. i don’t think it will ever be enough - no matter how much he hurts me to get him to stop.. so why am i upset he hasn’t reached out today or am scared he may be talking to another girl. i know that is what would be best for me & my life - but i don’t want that.. i’m so confused by myself. he promised we were building a future together & kept being up he got me a ring like that should be enough for me to trust and not question him.. (that was what i said i required for us to try again after finding him cheating - we were exclusive & not official when he was actively sleeping with other girls, but he was telling me he was loyal and i really don’t know if he cheated on me during the official relationship- but i’m betting he did bc he was at least lying to me about girls being over, etc) i just don’t know what to do and why i want there to be hope that he misses me and he will change as a person and loves me - when i know he will say all these things to me when he comes back & none of it will be true.. how do i become stronger? is there any chance he could actually regret losing me and it be worth it to him to treat me better to have me? how would a redpill girl handle this? i obviously did a horrible job at vetting and setting boundaries and my heart is wayy to involved. i want to be happily married with a family and a man that loves me that i can completely trust and respect his choices. i don’t ever want to feel so invaluable again. i can’t really afford to waste more time on this man (24F) because i feel like it will take me forever to heal. what can i do?",,5,sarahharttt,2023-12-30 03:14:54 RedPillWomen,18txkkj,Birth Control Advice,"My boyfriend and I have a good sex life. We both have a high sex drive so any time one of us wants to have sex the other never is “not in the mood”. I really value our sexual chemistry. Neither of us like condoms, so the obvious alternative is birth control. But there isn’t a non-hormonal birth control for women that I’m aware of besides just using condoms. I’ve taken the pill before in high school because my period was irregular and my hormones were crazy with cramps and PMS. It helped me to be more regular but it really killed my sex drive. My period is regular and my cramps are normal now too that I’m older, but I don’t want to sacrifice my sex drive for birth control. The only one I’ll consider is nexplanon because the IUD is too invasive for my preferences and the pill and shot are too easy for me to make a mistake with. The only thing else I have considered is asking my boyfriend about a vasectomy since it’s reversible but I don’t know if he’d be open to it. Seems like a big ask. And a bit hypocritical since it’s invasive and I didn’t want an invasive procedure either. Any experience / advice?",,1,Fantastic-Ear-7164,2023-12-29 21:11:12 RedPillWomen,18skq7d,Do men really enjoy providing or a coverup?,,,79,kroshkamoya,2023-12-28 04:14:10 RedPillWomen,18sybvm,Navigating the Leadership Landscape,"Although 'leader' is a general term, it encompasses various distinct leadership styles, each characterized by unique approaches and qualities. Transformational Leadership:A transformative leader in a traditional relationship is akin to a visionary captain steering a ship towards uncharted horizons. He inspires growth and positive change, fostering an environment where both partners can flourish and evolve. The transformative leader aims to elevate the relationship to new heights, creating a shared vision of a harmonious and fulfilling life together. Delegative Leadership:In a traditional relationship, the delegative leader values shared responsibility and decision-making. Much like a wise commander trusting his lieutenants, this leader understands the strength in unity. He empowers his significant other to contribute actively to the relationship's course, creating an environment of mutual trust and collaboration. Authoritative Leadership:The authoritative leader in a traditional relationship embodies the qualities of a firm yet caring captain. He provides clear guidance and structure, ensuring stability and security. This leader takes charge when necessary, creating a balanced environment where both individuals feel supported and directed on the journey of love. Transactional Leadership:Similar to a seasoned trader navigating the ebb and flow of markets, the transactional leader in a traditional relationship values reciprocity. This leader appreciates the give-and-take dynamics, addressing issues constructively and establishing clear expectations. The transactional leader believes in fairness and accountability, contributing to a stable and balanced relationship. Participative Leadership:In a traditional relationship, the participative leader is like a wise council seeking input from all members. He values collaboration and inclusivity, fostering an environment where both partners actively contribute to decision-making. This leader believes in shared ownership, creating a relationship that thrives on the collective wisdom of both individuals. Servant Leadership:The servant leader in a traditional relationship embodies the spirit of a caring steward. He prioritizes the well-being and happiness of his family, finding joy in selflessly supporting and nurturing his significant other. This leader creates an environment where mutual service and support define the essence of the relationship.",,5,Objective_School_738,2023-12-28 16:45:21 RedPillWomen,18sqpza,Should I give up on the apps?,"Ive been using dating apps for 2 years now, almost 3 with no success. The guys i meet dont seem interested in a commitment, at least not with me. And ive only met two of these guys through friends, although the experiences wasnt much better. My experiences in dating have not been good and are honestly making me feel bad in general. I live a pretty stress free life, i dont have drama at work, school, with friends or family. The only thing I am worried about is school but it doesn’t drain me as much as dating has. It’s making me question if i am just not good enough for commitment at all, also considering on just giving up on dating and finding love in general. Although i dont *want* to do that. I’m trying my best when it comes to this. Im attractive and fit, i try my best to give them compliments on their looks and their interests/work, i try to communicate although ive given up on that now cause they don’t seem to care or like when i do this lol but when i did , i would try to ask questions and understand why they did what they did or thought the way they did, i would reassure them it was okay for them to be honest (cause sometimes i thought they were unsure if they could be), i try my best to use “I” statements if you have heard of that or know about that. I wouldn’t complain to them about things going on in my life, i mean again theres not too much to complain about but even if i did have something, i didn’t talk about it in detail. So i don’t believe I was adding stress to their life. None of them took me on real dates, they either said they would and didnt, or just invited me over to their place, or took me on one or two and that was all. Ive been here before so i know cook and cleaning for a man is important to getting him to commit but ive also heard that i should be doing this for a man whose not taking me on dates or showing effort. Yet doing that seems to be only way I can think about to get them to show effort. But i also dont want to do it myself, i feel its more for when things are getting serious or are serious and I probably wouldnt do it on a regular basis until there was a commitment and we lived together. Ive also tried lowering my standards on looks several times and recently resorted to just swiping on every guy, cause I couldn’t tell if i was just going beyond my league. Can’t tell if that will help yet. Basically I’ve tried hard. But none of it seems to work and im not meeting guys who just naturally want to take me on real dates or commit. And i dont have issue with getting a second, third, fourth “date” and so on. Just real dates. And cant tell if thats because they want sex or not. So i cant discern if its just that i am meet the wrong guys or if i am just not doing enough or if im just not enough in general. Ive also asked two guys (the only ones i felt comfortable asking) that ive talked to for feedback, one said he wanted someone more solid and he wasn’t sure about my drive but he was also very mean and so i didnt know if i should take what he said as genuine advice, the other guy was seemingly infatuated with me or love bombing so he said nothing was wrong with me. So should I get off the apps? Or Should I be doing more? If anyone wants to hear more about the situation, and give me advice that would be very, very, very much appreciated. Although i would only like to do it privately if thats alright. If not then that is fine and any advice would be helpful. Thank you.",,3,[deleted],2023-12-28 10:19:05 RedPillWomen,18shn1k,You RPW are worth finding!,"The women who try and run the show kill any attraction to their femininity. As a guy (46) I am at a rough spot in that a serious injury has slowed me down hard for about half a year. The feminine impulses to support and encourage are a super power. When men watch a movie where the hero gets patched up and sewn up so they can take on the world speak to our soul. Sounds quaint, but learn how to care for an injury. Not a “man cold”, but an injury. You can make us feel like we can take on the world. And if you make us feel that way we’ll want to take on the world for you.",,15,vydgj42,2023-12-28 01:41:37 RedPillWomen,18scx1c,His mom loves me! But she said he needs a leader…unsure of what to feel.,"I’ve been dating my boyfriend (24m, 24f) for over a year now and thankfully, his mom loves me. I love her too! She’s so kind and sweet and compliments me all the time. One day she took me aside and told me how happy she is we’ve found each other and how she’ll always be there for us, help us in the future when grandkids are here haha, and was telling me how she sees all my beautiful characteristics and how hardworking and driven i am etc. It was all so sweet, until she started saying how my boyfriend needs a leader and she knows that’s me. She was saying it as a compliment but it kind of made me rethink things. I’m the one who wants a leader, I don’t want to be the leader. She said how she knows im the reason he wants to pursue grad school now, she sees how much I help him, and how that’s always been her role but now that he’s an adult he doesn’t need mom now, he needs a partner that’ll lead him and that’s me. She mentioned how he always needs a push but once he’s doing something, he will excel (which is true!). However hearing it said like this kind of freaked me out 😭 Am I overthinking things or is it possible to still be in a red pill minded relationship in a situation like this? I don’t want to be the one doing all the heavy lifting..I’d like to be led too.",,9,vinesandflowers,2023-12-27 22:18:43 RedPillWomen,18s87bu,Man who is not leading and what to say?,"Hi all, Question… what do you say when you want to politely break it off with a man who is not leading properly? just a little backstory if you wanted some… I have been talking to this man for a few weeks now. We did go on one date. BUT… I almost didn’t go. He never confirmed a time with me. I told him earlier in the week that I was available Saturday, late afternoon. He did not confirm with me until 1:30 PM that Saturday!! 1:30!!! I was already on another date at that point so I didn’t respond until later on around 5pm. When I responded, i told him that since he did not confirm, I made other plans. He was very apologetic and took blame. He suggested we talk on the phone to make concrete plans so I let him call me. We had a nice conversation, but ultimately I was the one who had to bring up alternate plans and get the ball rolling. He asked when I was free. I told him my availability, but again he seemed to struggle locking down a time and date. I ended up just telling him that I was free in about an hour. He agreed but again, he seemed to struggle with picking a place and deciding whether or not he was going to pick me up. I had to do a lot of the logistics. I ended up just telling him to come pick me up and we will go somewhere close to me. I ended up picking the place. He even had the nerve to tell me that I was being passive because at first I only offered input and wanted him to pick the place and decide if he was picking me up. I told him that I like when a man plans these things ahead of time but he just said something about making sure I felt comfortable. (Sure I get that) Anyway, He picked me up, we went on our date, He paid and everything was fine. Thing is, he’s only made very loose 2nd date plans, no concrete plans. He did ask what my availability was like this week and I told him I was free Saturday. He asked me what I wanted to do and I suggested walking around the zoo to see the Christmas lights. All he said was “that sounds fun“. Honestly, after that, I am just really turned off and ready to be done with this. I should not be the one planning these dates and deciding where I want to go. Even with our first kiss, I could tell that he wanted to kiss me... We were joking around about something, and I said “you haven’t even tried to kiss me yet” it was only because of that we had a nice kiss. I feel like I am the masculine one here and I do not like it. It’s causing me anxiety and stress already. I am Fine offering input but I feel like I’m doing most of the logistics and just want to be done with this. Another thing is that I found his TikTok account and he is following hundreds of thousands of “thirst trap” accounts. He’s 39 years old! To me, that is a huge turn off and I do not want to continue. What would you guys say? I guess I could give a vague text, but I am the type of person who wants to give a reason because that’s what I would want if someone was breaking it off with me…",,5,Original-Possible238,2023-12-27 18:59:45 RedPillWomen,18rlu9v,He doesn’t want to have conversation with me,"I love my boyfriend very very much. In almost every single aspect of our relationship he’s wonderful and perfect and goes above and beyond in making me feel loved and interactions are reciprocated. But conversationally he loooves to talk. And I love to listen, he’s engaging and interesting and I love him and anything he wants to talk about I love the excuse to bond with him and get to know him better. I always get super into whatever he’s chatting about and ask him a lot of questions and he loves it, and I love that he feels heard and engaged. But he rarely asks me questions, and when I speak up and tell him things about my day, my interests, what I’m focusing on, et cetera he shows little interest and doesn’t usually have much to say about it, “cool” “nice, babe”. I know he cares about me but I don’t know how to improve this. He says he cares about what I want to talk about but I don’t know, it doesn’t feel like it. I don’t want to just argue or say “you don’t listen!!” But like, what do I do instead?",,17,Fantastic-Ear-7164,2023-12-26 23:42:25 RedPillWomen,18rlwt7,My 30M boyfriend is always upset about smth when we travel,"So my 30F bf has this frequent moodswings when we travel. I hate it. It really bumms me out to see him like that. I tried cheering him up but he gets in these sensitive moods, sometimes getting jealous or annoyed by other people checking me out and stuff like that. Is there a way to improve his mood or is this a lost cause?",,10,lilsweetcake,2023-12-26 23:45:35 RedPillWomen,18qzkth,What’s a good body count at almost 30?,"I’m wondering, since i’m feeling a bit insecure about having three guys i’ve slept with at 28.",,6,[deleted],2023-12-26 04:23:18 RedPillWomen,18qy61j,Attraction towards a non compatible man,"I’m a 29F who just moved to a different country by myself. I’m single and know exactly the kind of men I’d be compatible with. However I seem to be attracted to this 20 year old guy who works at the local cafe. He’s sweet, but I can tell we’re very different and we simply wouldn’t make sense together. I also prefer older men in general but for some reason I can’t get this guy off my mind. What do you suggest I do?",,10,Global_Moose_1991,2023-12-26 03:06:26 RedPillWomen,18qeym5,he doesn’t want me to solo travel and say it’s wrong. now i want to end relationship,"hello rpw, i’m working on myself and improving my confidence and want to start making solo dating more often thing. i did it once and i really like it and it gives me time to myself. i have been buying new clothes and makeup and working on myself and my body after a long time of being a hermit and staying in doors because of anxiety and trauma. i want to look cute and feel pretty again. i want to take myself to amsterdam for 4 days next year during the valentines and take myself to a nice restaurant alone and maybe also explore the city alone and journal. i really want to do this to find myself and travel more alone but my boyfriend says he is not comfortable with that. he says im changing because im starting to dress up more and wear makeup and he prefers my natural look but then he followed the women on instagram who wear makeup and dress up? why it’s a problem now when i also want to do? i want to travel alone and more often and i feel if he can’t accept it maybe we need to end it but he said he doesn’t want to end it, then he said i must tell him if i speak with another guy and that’s why i want to break up and i just use this as an excuse to leave. we have never travel together firstly even though i said i want to and again when i travel to spain few months ago to visit my sister he said to me ""i just hope that the fidelity is there."" so he thinks i cheat on him? i don’t understand this and we not on the same page. he does not see the value in solo dating and how it makes me feel and me i don’t see the logic in his refusal for me to travel alone.",,20,velveteen08,2023-12-25 08:50:42 RedPillWomen,18qd0wd,How should I (26F) proceed with my marriage to my husband (40M)?,"I want to divorce my husband who is 14 years older than I am, and I feel guilty about wanting to do so every day. I met my now husband 4 years ago through some mutual friends. I’m now 26, and he is 40. I definitely had an accelerated path to adulthood since I graduated early, moved out, and started working full time in tech, so naturally my friends were varied in age, some slightly older than me, and some very. I didn’t know his age when we started dating, nor did he know mine. It was quite a bit of a shock when we both found out, but at that point we both fell hard for each other and it felt silly to not give it a chance. Fast forward during Covid, we got married since we wanted to buy a house together, and I wanted to make sure we were doing things correctly (legally). We eloped at a court, and he bought me a ring later, but I’m resentful because I never had a romantic proposal, or even a small wedding. He also isn’t very romantic, and I’m becoming someone who craves romance. He doesn’t like to post me on social media, he’s not very verbally affectionate, nor has he planned many dates. I can tell he loves me, and he’s very comfortable with what we have. He also works in tech (the customer side of tech) and due to layoffs, he hasn’t been working since January of this year. He’s filling his time applying to jobs here and there, but also just playing video games, sleeping, and just seemingly wasting time. He only tends to go to the gym if I ask him to go with me, and he only really eats healthy if I make him healthy food. He used to say that it made him feel fulfilled to provide for the family, and he took on 70% of our expenses so I could focus on going back to school for higher education, but even that has been on pause due to him not being able to find a job. I’ve mentioned that he’s probably depressed, but he doesn’t have interest in scheduling therapy sessions, despite me offering to pay and sharing phone numbers of therapists under our network. I regret marrying him because he is quite older than me, but doesn’t have a natural interest to learn more about bettering himself financially, physically, or emotionally. I feel worried about how we’re going to have kids, how we’re going to retire. It doesn’t feel right to get divorced since I feel comfortable with our house, our life, and everything enough to just stay. I feel like I settled down too fast and am unsure about all of these things while I should be with someone who has already figured a lot of these things out. A part of me also feels scared to jump back in the dating world because there’s always going to be someone better in some areas, and worse in others. Despite everything I’ve mentioned, I also do love him and everything he does for me. He does almost all things house related except for cooking since he isn’t working. He massages me or scratches my back every time I ask. He always drops everything to help me if I need to go somewhere. He’s also incredibly loyal and hasn’t looked at any other woman. That’s why I feel guilty about wanting to divorce him. I have no idea what to do, and would love to hear other people’s perspectives on this. I always have a feeling that even if I leave and find someone else, there’s going to be elements of a relationship that won’t be perfect. Is it possible to get over this feeling of regret? Is grass really greener on the other side?",,21,[deleted],2023-12-25 06:24:49 RedPillWomen,18oflo9,"Ladies, I wanted to get some objective advice on my current situation. I","Ladies, I wanted to get some objective advice on my current situation. I am a married woman with 2 kids, a toddler and a small baby. My husband and I have had a tough time because our latest baby was colic so there was constant crying and we had a really difficult first 6 months powering though. My husband is the provider and I have been at home with the kids mostly. My husband works hard and provides and I do everything else, which is in my eyes a lot and more than he does. I guess what makes it tough is that my husband doesn’t do anything else aside from working. He never cooks or takes the kids out so I can rest. I feel very burdened and over tired and resentful. At the same time I know my husband is working hard and is bringing in the money. An example: he didn’t sleep much because of having to work through the night and I didn’t sleep because our baby is waking up constantly and needs feedings. And yet he will sleep in in the morning letting me take care of everything while I am also exhausted. Just fyi: I will also start a job in the new year as we are currently not making enough money. I am scared that I will then need to balance the job with also a lot of homemaking and kids.my husband has indicated he feels under appreciated and not respected by me which I know is not good. Is anyone in a similar situation? What did you do? Am I being crazy? I appreciate your feedback. Thanks ladies 🩷",,16,MiracleMorni,2023-12-22 14:01:29 RedPillWomen,18o37r2,"""If he wanted to, he would""","Hi all. I've been lurking here for awhile. I'm mid-30s, have healed myself after a divorce and a really, *really* bad year last year, and I found this community. The philosophy and advice really seems like something I can naturally do, and I'm dating a man who really seems to respond to me being caring, building him up, etc. We've been together since April, official since June, and I met his daughter shortly after. He has majority custody of a 4yo daughter from a prior relationship, she and I get along well, he helps foster the relationship, and we both see me eventually having a caretaker role for her. But I need dating advice. I feel like a lot is geared towards young women dating for marriage. I'm open to marriage, but not especially interested in it again. Commitment yes, and the first few months with my bf felt great. But then his ex sued to gain custody, and he communicated he couldn't be around a lot until that got settled. We went from daily texting and weekly hangouts to seeing each other once a month (since Nov) with sporadic communications. I want to hang in there until his custody situation is settled, because I think he's a great man, and I hope we can return to the ""old us."" He appreciates that I give him space, that I reached out with Christmas presents for his daughter, that I don't pester for court details. But I'm not sure what to DO when we're not around each other or talking. How can I be supportive, a warm place for him to land, and take care of him when we're this distant? I'm trying so hard to push away the toxic thoughts from most female communities, that say ""if he wanted to, he would."" They want the man to chase yet never get a reward. They think men should be texting us all the time, since it ""only"" takes 2 seconds. I LOVE to text, yet even I need breaks. And most advice towards step parents assumes they hate their man's kid, and want to get away, but I want to care for her so none of that advice works, either. So help, I just need reassurance and guidance. Thanks",,25,NoStuffTA,2023-12-22 01:35:46 RedPillWomen,18o78kw,Is 3 years younger too big of an age difference?,"I am in a relationship with a wonderful high value man, but I come from a very traditional culture that typically frowns upon the man being younger. So I often get insecure and feel like our age gap is too much. I’m 27, he’s 24.",,0,sunflowwerjpg,2023-12-22 05:13:41 RedPillWomen,18njhzb,How do I (44F) Deflect Our Gift to His (44m) Niece (4F)?,"My husband's niece (S) has her 4^th birthday tomorrow. We bought her a bike as she was eyeing mine when they came by last. Some backstory, when I met S, she said that she loved me right away and told my in-laws that she wanted to be me when she grows up. We speak to them on video call daily (they're on the continent and we're in London) and her affection for me hasn't shown any signs of abating. My husband visits them every weekend. As mother-in-law wasn't particularly fond of me, I have minimized my visits -- at his insistence, I go with him for everyone's birthdays, except this one, because I have to work at the festive period. Husband will present the bike to her when he visits as being from both of us, though I know she will think it's primarily from me -- just as she feels the nightsuit hubby bought last time we both went together were from me. The problem is not that hubby wants the credit - he couldn't care less, but that I want to give credit to the proper person. I've tried to deflect thanks and praise for the thoughtfulness of the gifts onto him, but S still doesn't get it. Any ideas on how to make her realize that her younger uncle is extremely thoughtful and can serve as a good role model, even without me being there?",,4,LiteratureOk7716,2023-12-21 09:55:53 RedPillWomen,18n83x5,I miss him TOO much💔 how to stop?,"I've been in a relationship for three years. (M25, F27) We lived together for a year. We are currently living apart again. I feel like I miss him more than he misses me… this is not how it should be! I'm not okay with it. I am constantly writing messages and calling… how to stop? what to do to make him miss me? I feel like I'm losing... I feel unattractive and abandoned...",,13,Available_Guidance45,2023-12-20 23:12:52 RedPillWomen,18n1xin,Has anyone here saved themselves for marriage as a RPW? How did that work/not work for you whilst dating?,I’m going to be back in the dating pool eventually (I’m on the process of leaving my marriage) but would want to wait for marriage for sex. Is that even tolerated these days? What have your experiences of dating in 2023 and keeping sex off the table been like?,,30,littlemisslight,2023-12-20 18:45:13 RedPillWomen,18nst13,How do you find a man to pay for you?,"All the men I meet are losers. They don’t want to be a man and pay for my rent and bills and other expenses. I’m tired of working. I want a provider. It’s just crazy cuz I know other women that date guys that pay for all their things like literally everything, my coworker literally gets sent rent money by her BF. But the guys I meet only pay for dates like when we go to a burger restaurant but I want to date a man that’ll be a man and pay for everything. I’m just over it. I feel like men aren’t men anymore. Maybe it’s because I’m only 27 but I’m not attracted to 50 year olds. The oldest I can date without gagging is probably 35 years old",,0,[deleted],2023-12-21 17:50:51 RedPillWomen,18meye9,"More betrayal, now what?","My husband and I have had a lot of problems this year. We separated for about three months this summer, and then got back together. I had thrown myself into the Laura Doyle, empowered wife program and made some changes on my end and it really helped. I won’t say that I caused the majority of our problems, but the things I was doing were not helping. After we got back together, he told me that there had been another woman for a while but that was over and he was 100% committed to me. That killed me inside but I decided that I would just go ahead and keep trying. That was at the beginning of September, he has had several explosive episodes then, and reached out to her on her birthday, although he doesn’t know that I know that. When my birthday rolled around, he didn’t even say happy birthday to me let alone do anything for me. This past weekend, the kids and I went to my sisters to celebrate an early Christmas with my family. He did not want to go. I did not give him a hard time just said OK and left for three days. Not 12 hours after I’d been gone, he started calling the other woman. calls and texts went back-and-forth between them all weekend. I know this because I saw it on our Verizon app. I confronted him about it and ask him why he was doing that, and he cussed me up one side and down the other, told me not to come home and told me he was done and all sorts of other stuff. He was also drunk, so I just hung up and did not talk to him anymore. Yesterday when I was on the way back home, I received a pathetic apology text that just said he was out of line. Now, I feel heartbroken and dead inside if that is something that is actually physically possible. Now I don’t know what to do or what to feel. His family is gaslighting me bc I “just don’t understand how much stress he under”. He has got us in a mega financial bind and my kids Christmas will also be ruined as per usual. My daughter said yesterday that she just wanted to take our Christmas tree outside and burn it in the front yard. I know no one has a the magic solution.",,23,patchouliflowers,2023-12-19 22:51:34 RedPillWomen,18maqqb,Dating Red Flags,"Hey, so I recently came across a guy who has told me that he will only pay for the date if he thinks I'm worth it. Should I consider this as a red flag? I'd like to thank everyone who has taken their time to share their views and opinions! 😊 --- Update: I texted him 2 days prior to our date, to clarify time and place (he did say earlier that he will find a place for us). He responded and said; We will see... I still haven't found a place. Then he dropped another bomb saying that he is worried about money, and can't pay for us both and that's why he didn't choose a place. He did not offer an alternative plan. It seemed off to me, and I chose not to go on a date.",,31,idont_interact,2023-12-19 19:51:04 RedPillWomen,18m6hjh,Dating books for women? Recommendations,"I’m looking for some recommendations on books that explain dating from a red pill point of view from women. How to date from a feminine point of view. Last minute Christmas gifts hehe! Appreciate the kind replies!",,8,h4cksforlife,2023-12-19 16:52:17 RedPillWomen,18lmmhr,He hasn't hugged me or kissed me outside the sexual encounters after 2 months of dating,"I'm 26F I've seen this guy 28M for almost 2 months already. ; He initiated contact every day since we met, he plans the date with days of anticipation and is always looking for nice plays to go, and he pays for everything. He drives at 1:30 to see me every Saturday and we spend all day together. Some background: he lives with his parents, he has never had a girlfriend and he only dated some girls for just months, at first I even thought he was a virgin. I asked him for more information and he told me that girls are the ones who dump him. He also told me on the second date he was looking for something serious We didn't kiss until the 6 date in which I asked him why he thought that we didn't - I know it was stupid of me to do that After that kiss, we saw each other 2 more again and it was always the same, he never held my hand holdings, even after breaking the physical barrier. So yesterday once again I asked him about it and I didn't get a proper answer. And now I realize that maybe he kissed me the first time because I asked for it. We've been dating for 2 months and he has never told me something like ""You are pretty / you look nice today "", and I'm already expecting him to change. At first, I thought he wasn't looking just for a hook up because he told me he was looking for something serious and also because he waited for 6 dates to kiss me, but now I'm doubting about it I am the crazy one If I want to walk away.? don't want to start a relationship and already want the person to change. Been there and done that for the past 5 years in my LTR ",,7,rosie00x,2023-12-18 23:14:33 RedPillWomen,18l5s8n,"I oversexualized myself and I fear I can't turn back without it hurting my relationship, help","I've been seeing my boyfriend for a little over 3 months and we became official a month a ago, we both come from very religious background (muslim) but he moved to a more liberal city while I'm still in our hometown and he's overall less religious than I am. 2 days ago we were facetiming and he was telling me he wants to masturbate but he's too tired and in the heat of the moment I told him I can help him, and I took off my bra and played with my boobs to help him get off and he helped do the same afterwards. after that he started speaking about how he can't wait to spend the night with me and the things he'd do to me when he's back home (he's on a work trip right now) and I was anxious so I just nodded and smiled, I'm still a virgin and I plan to wait for marriage. he's a good person, I know he likes me and I know it's mostly my overthinking and shame speak but I can't help but fear that I opened a door I can't close and he'll keep asking for more. i also fear he doesn't see me as innocent anymore and I know how much men value innocence. now I don't know how to take a step back, or at least keep things the way they are without it hurting my relationship I didn't want to post on the relationship subreddit because they'll just tell me that I need to get loose, I hope some of you coming from conservative backgrounds understand what I'm going through and can help me.",,28,throwra20035,2023-12-18 10:41:03 RedPillWomen,18le2ef,Communication and Texting,"Hello RPW! I’ve been chatting with this guy for about 2 weeks, and we decided to be exclusively chatting a little under a week ago. He has a very demanding and intense job, which means that he doesn’t text very often. I have said a few times that I understand if he won’t be able to text or message that day, but that I would appreciate him letting me know in the morning and saying like: “Hey, busy day today, won’t be able to message.” Or even just: “Busy day today.” Just something to get the point across. He hasn’t said that at all, but still doesn’t reply for almost the whole day, and will go over 12 hours with no communication. I’m not trying to nag him, but I would just like to know if he’s able to chat that day or not. Am I going about it wrong? If so, how could I go about it differently? Because, being traditional and submissive towards my partner is really important to me, and I don’t know if maybe I’m being to abrasive? Are my expectations that he let me know if he can text or not unreasonable? Thanks for your help and feedback! Edited to add more context (I also put the context in response to another’s message): We are discussing him visiting in February (we’re doing long distance, and he has to travel overseas for work for a month and I’m not able to accompany him), and he is already discussing him wanting to be my husband, and wanting me as his wife. We do call, I think we’ve called 3 or 4 times, but each call tends to last at least a few hours.",,5,[deleted],2023-12-18 17:20:58 RedPillWomen,18l4l2p,Tipps/Books for organizing for a very messy person,"Hello lovelies, I'm an extremely messy woman (ever since I can remember). I have a hard time being organized, keeping an apartment tidy (even though I clean frequently) or even noticing that something is messy. It's a huge issue and I need to get rid of that habit. Do you have Tipps/books for me on how to finally get organized? Maybe with really concrete plans like Monday ""you have to this and that"". I need something on toddler level. Also maybe someone equally as messy can share their success stories on how they overcome their messyness. I would really appreciate it :)",,7,Lena_Maria0811,2023-12-18 09:17:54 RedPillWomen,18kldz4,How to maintain a RPW mindset with a newborn?,"Hello all! My boyfriend and I welcomed our first child to the world 3 weeks ago. Overall, I think we’re doing really well as new parents. I’m hoping for advice with maintaining a RPW mindset during this time, as I’ve noticed new tendencies towards irritability and a more critical mindset towards my boyfriend that I’d like to nip in the bud. *Backstory:* I had an unplanned C-section and a pretty traumatic hospital stay, followed by our son ending up in the PICU when he was only three days old. My boyfriend was deployed for the birth and the PICU stay, and returned the day after we had gotten back home. I’m still struggling mentally with the after effects of both hospitalizations (I won’t go into detail, but let’s just say military hospitals are atrocious). I’m also sad he missed the birth and that we didn’t get time to decompress together post-deployment before the baby arrived. *The current situation:* Obviously we’re both sleep deprived. He’s doing a great job at being a present father and supportive partner, while still not being able to fully decompress after a six-month submarine deployment. I worry about the impact that’s going to have on him and our relationship. I’m also having a slow recovery from my surgery and feel guilty for how much I have to rely on him, given he hasn’t had a chance to relax yet. I’ve never minded picking up after him before, but I notice myself getting really easily irritable when I see his clothes on the floor, dirty dishes on the counter, etc. I’m trying to focus on gratitude for the overwhelming amount of things he’s helping me with, but the sleep deprivation is **really** getting to me. I’m definitely less of a soft place to land than I used to be, and I’m worried that this is his experience of our relationship now after being gone so long. How do I get back to patience, gratitude, trust, and respect? Or do I cut myself some slack during the newborn phase and trust that it won’t cause lasting damage to our relationship dynamic?",,8,dropdeadgorgon,2023-12-17 16:46:29 RedPillWomen,18k88pj,He goes out while I stay home with the baby but every time we discuss this I want to control him,"Hi everyone, So we have a 6 month old baby who happens to be the most adorable human being. I love to spend quality time with him but unfortunately due to high cost rent I had to go back to work at least to pay my part of the rent, leaving my partner to pay for bills, his part of the rent and some bits and bops. He is a very social person also working in the hospitality industry meaning he gets to stay late quite a lot as part of his job. He also instead of coming home to have dinner or to spend some quality time he turns the tv on smokes some weed and just disconnects himself for a while. He is very loving and patient with our baby when he is taking care of him 2 days a week max. He also happens to stay out partying with staff members or friends until 3-4 am and every time I bring his awareness that this situation makes me feel very alone as if I was solo parenting he tells me I’m crazy or controlling and just it’s a never ending cycle of me feeling alone and not being seeing as I can’t go out and party or anything like this and I don’t have a proper support or this is how I feel from a emotional point of view. I would like another perspective from people who are experiencing anything similar. Thanks 🙏🏼",,25,Little_Grand_2364,2023-12-17 03:35:53 RedPillWomen,18k3fnk,RPW Nun Mode Compilation,"This is a compiled list of some notable RPW field reports on Soft Nun Mode and Hard Nun Mode: - **Soft Nun Mode Field Reports** * Community member **starting** [Soft Nun Mode](https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/14ndkun/needing_feedback_on_my_nun_mode_plans/) * **Successful** [Soft Nun Mode](https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/15epxkg/field_report_small_successes/) field report **Hard Nun Mode Field Reports** * **Starting** [Hard Nun Mode](https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/cfdkx4/36f_divorced_mom_first_ever_nun_mode/) at 36; Challenges addressing: vetting/broken picker, serial monogamy to the wrong men, therapy * **Starting** [Hard Nun Mode](https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/e73oyw/nun_mode_vs_potential_captain_or_sinking_ship/) at 30 with a potential ‘dream captain’ decision; please read the [EC comment](https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/e73oyw/nun_mode_vs_potential_captain_or_sinking_ship/f9v5utd/) * **Starting** [Hard Nun Mode](https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/aylyks/nun_mode_for_a_month_advice_and_feedback/) at 26; the comments are a must read * **Successful** [Hard Nun Mode](https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/monk-mode-and-rpw.209899&comment=t1_d4bv5lm) field report: **lasted a year and a few months** (improved alcoholism, high N count, total emotional overhaul) * **Successful** [Hard Nun Mode](https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/155wrh5/fr_my_time_in_nun_mode_as_a_teen/) from an EC in her teenage years, **lasted a year** * **Successful** [Hard Nun Mode](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/4pli9n/monk_mode_and_rpw_a_story_of_failure_and_rebound/) from an EC in her teens, more of an **inadvertent nun mode but excellent insights** --- **Other types of nun mode field reports and additional information:** * Field report of community members determining **if they’re ready or not to leave Nun Mode**: [Ex1](https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/w3qyiv/am_i_ready_to_leave_nun_mode/), [Ex2](https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/d424zs/nun_mode_vs_the_wall/), [Ex3](https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/tlpocw/how_do_you_know_when_youre_ready_to_leave_nun_mode/) * Field report example of **[when you may not need nun mode](https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/uhyzbg/importance_of_nun_mode_in_a_womans_life/) and things to consider** * Some more [community advice](https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/d8ied7/best_ways_to_start_nun_mode/) on **Aims vs Goals** and more **general advice**",,16,FastLifePineapple,2023-12-16 23:21:28 RedPillWomen,18k43ia,A Definitive Guide to Nun Mode: Part II The 3i’s and How to Nun Mode,"As previously mentioned in [Part I](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/18jd3tw/a_definitive_guide_to_nun_mode_part_i_an/) Nun Mode revolves around **three key practices:** * **taking time for yourself and minimizing distractions** (isolation or solitude) * **deep self-reflection** (introspection) * **self-improvement** Originally, **the 'monk mode' framework, was designed for men**. It involved a conscious retreat from everyday distractions like excessive social media and internet use, watching pornography, indulging in video games, and minimizing social engagements. The goal was to repurpose this time into productive activities such as journaling, introspection, and improving various aspects of their social value through goal setting, self-discipline, and taking massive action. **Adapting this for a RPW**, especially in their late twenties, requires considering women's fertility timelines if having children is part of their life goals. More details will be covered in the FAQ under 'Isolation'. --- **3i: Isolation, Introspection, and Improvement** - **Isolation** - Reducing your social time is more important than you might realize. When you're constantly surrounded by people who are sharing problems, gossiping, or engaging in trivial activities, it becomes challenging to maintain productivity and focus on your personal growth. It's easy to get caught up in social obligations that distract you from investing your time wisely. The uncomfortable truth, if you’re low value the people you know will be too. Like in the case of having hard limits when it comes to abstaining from hookup culture, on again/off again relationships, or dating unsuitable men, you should also be practicing discipline in these areas of your life if you’re not receiving any true benefit that’s feeding you and helping you become who you want to be. Solitude and going into nun mode where you’re turning off or cutting out unproductive social and romantic outings will give you time to reset, reflect, and improve. **To be clear, isolation is more than just cutting out social activity**; it’s about clearly looking at your life and removing as much noise and distractions that hinders your focus on true life signals. This means minimizing time spent on social media (Facebook, Instagram, Twitter), dating and messaging apps, lurking on internet forums for friends, refreshing Reddit, doom scrolling, tiktok and youtube shorts, binge watching shows, new channels and tv (important news that you will need to hear will travel to you by word of mouth if it’s important enough, it’s fine to stop watching the FUD cycle of ‘news’ channels), pornographic material, romance novels, video games, being out of action from hangovers and drug consumption, and other pastimes that waste your time. There’s a time and place for entertainment in the form of ‘work and relaxation’, but if it’s eating +40-80% of your time then it needs to be removed during your period of nun mode. This is a serious commitment that you shouldn’t half ass. You’re either doing it, or you’re not. **Three months of truly focused self-improvement can potentially do more for you than three years of halfway working on ‘goals’, ‘introspecting’, doing self-care, and maybe working on your relationships.** This is the power of committed intention and becoming values and goals centered. **This leads us to a few FAQ in regards to the aspect of isolation for women:** - **1. Do I need to be abstinent or cut out all socialization during Nun Mode?** * Not necessarily. If you're a soft case undertaking Soft Nun Mode, your focus will be on minimizing distractions and non-essential social outings. However, quality social interactions, like spending time with a workout buddy, participating in group fitness or co-ed sports, or attending work outings, can still be part of your routine. Ideally, if you’re not securing the love of your dreams or at least really healthy relationships - socializing should not encompass more than 20% of your time (**EC note: you can chunk all your social time for the weekend, as an option, if you decide to solely focus on self-improvement M-F**). This approach ensures that you dedicate enough time for ‘glowing up' or growing up as a person who would attract the kind of partner you desire in life. **2. What if I meet the man of my dreams during Nun Mode?** * If you’re at the tail end of a successful Hard Nun Mode or are in Soft Nun Mode, don’t be afraid of serendipity. Allow the Nun Mode framework work for you; not you working for Nun Mode. Early hard cases should refer to question 3 about dream men. **3. What if I am a hard case and having children or my prime SMV years are passing me by?** * While the concern is understandable (and you can always make your own call) the price of poor vetting and entering dysfunctional relationships due to a broken picker, or having children without a solid foundation of wellbeing and functionality makes for a hard life. It's more beneficial to invest time into self-improvement, enhancing both your Relationship Market Value (RMV) and Sexual Market Value (SMV), this will make attracting a high quality partner easier. This better your chances of having a sustainable relationship and good partners for parenting roles. **4. How do I know when I’m done with nun mode and can stop isolating?** * There’s a variety of ‘end points’ when you’ll know that you’re ready to stop Nun Mode, but it generally involves one or a combination of the following: achievement of set goals, improved self-awareness, improved emotional and mental stability, reduced reliance on external validation, and healthier relationship patterns. --- **Introspection** - With your focus fine-tuned and distractions minimized, you can now dig deep, self-inventory, and ask yourself some crucial questions. This step is about checking in with yourself by learning about who you are, then you can determine where you’re going. Here are some RPW tools to check in and get an idea of where you’re at: * [Donuts_Or_Bust](https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/cqvy1v/nun_mode_at_34/ex03yii/) simple list of questions * [Mod Laceandsilks list of questions](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/7lc7sl/specific_nun_mode_tips_or_experiences/drl7eo3/) on personal roadblocks, discovering weaknesses, making sure you're happy and vetting Here are some priority tools to do self-inventory: * [Personal SWOT analysis](https://www.mindtools.com/aaiakpy/personal-swot-analysis) (some of the questions are geared towards work, you can reframe them by replacing 'work' with 'relationship') * [Discovering Life Values](https://www.differencebetween.com/what-is-the-difference-between-terminal-and-instrumental-values/) (Circle all of the values that resonate with you for both lists and rank them by best 3) * [Goals -- A RPW 2024 beginners guide on how to attain them](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/19d635t/goals_a_rpw_2024_beginners_guide_on_how_to_attain/?) --- **Improvement** - If solitude and introspection are the psychological components of nun mode, then **self-discipline and self-improvement are the physical components of aligning your external world to the ideal vision within you**. If you’ve never practiced self-discipline to this level, it can appear to be routine, boring, or a burdensome chore. But infused with love, it becomes a powerful tool for growth and personal transformation. Discipline without love is drudgery. This is in a nutshell what all the self-improvement advice on self-love and self-care is about, without this added discipline it’s just self-absorption, procrastination, fear of failure, and putting important things off in the name of self-care. Here’s a general list of self-improvement activities that can get you started : - **Soft Nun Mode**: * First [a classic post from ruby](https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/7j5g00/for_single_ladies_late_to_the_red_pill_part_ii/) (covers broken picker/serial monogamy, settling for good enough, etc.) * Stress management and becoming a soft place to land * Losing weight and improving nutrition * Improve makeup/fashion * Picking up a hobby / group activity with mixed genders * Read, study, and practice RPW material - consider writing field reports to keep accountable * Deeply understanding personal values, setting higher standards, and practicing boundaries management * Learning about settling for good enough **Hard Nun Mode**: * [Fixing a broken picker](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/l2ixof/how_to_change_the_kind_of_man_you_are_attracted_to/) by CountTheBees * Studying disordered attachment styles * Dealing with limiting beliefs and mindset challenges: scarcity mentality, negative self-image and self-talk, feelings of unworthiness * Therapy for bipolar, depression, or other hard mental obstacles * Poor or non-existent social skills (this is a outlier situation where you’re in the hard case category, but will also need to schedule in regular social outings) (refer to RPW Nun Mode Compilation for more examples) --- **Recap and Nun Mode Field Reports** - Introspection and solitude are the ‘nun’ components of nun mode, on being able to leave the noise and distractions of the world and focus on intrinsically worthwhile goals and purpose. **The objective at RPW is not to become nuns and leave for the convents, but to be able to learn from and move on from junk activities and relationships and sustain self-improvement as a way of life in the pursuit of a lasting and happy relationship with a great man.** With that being said, here’s a compilation of Nun Mode field reports for a practical view of applying all of this theory: * **[RPW Nun Mode Compilation](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/18k3fnk/rpw_nun_mode_compilation/?)**",,7,FastLifePineapple,2023-12-16 23:53:41 RedPillWomen,18jw4up,"boyfriend says he wants a strong woman, can’t figure out how this fits into softer energy?","i (21F) have been with my boyfriend (21M) for not too long, however we’ve been best friends with each other friends for about a year where we have vetted and gotten to know each other. we are currently in a short distance (1.5 hour train ride) away from each other and try to see each other every week/other week if possible. he’s also the one who introduced me to the redpill ideology and i am forever grateful for this. i respect and look up to him the most, he always treats me with kindness, takes on the dominant role, pays for everything, makes sure i’m taken care of. and i cater myself to be the ‘soft landing place’ for him, show that i appreciate him, always communicate and lean on him if there seems to be a problem arise, and don’t turn him down for sex whenever i can. on our last visit, which ended just yesterday, we both got extremely sick and were home sick for a few days. i will admit that i didn’t behave in the way i wish i would have - not taking the initiative to get supplies for him, not finding ways to make him feel more healthy and suggesting remedies, and also ‘regressing and acting like a child when i was sick’ which is a personal issue that i am now dealing with. however, this week, and the week before, my boyfriend told me that he wanted a strong women by his side, and when i asked questions regarding what he meant by that so that i could understand better, we were both stumped. he said he grew up with strong female influences around him, like his mother (who took care of three boys all by herself while also being the breadwinner and primary caretaker as his dad didn’t work and didn’t do much around the house), and his neighbor (who’s husband left and she was left to raise her kids by herself). i, however, did not grow up like this. my dad was the dominant one, but not in a healthy way, which left my mom unstable in her home and her energy. my boyfriend asked me if i thought i was strong, which i responded yes to and he agreed as i went through the rather violent death of my mother just over a year ago, now trying to pick up the pieces while also trying to find a career that suits me. but we both tried to discuss about what it meant to be a ‘strong women’ in his eyes. i know that he does want a woman who is feminine, traditional in the sense of showing respect, taking care of the house, submitting, following his lead, but also a woman who gives her opinion with things, is not indecisive, can roll her sleeves up and do the work. he likes the idea of a women ‘wanting but not needing him’ (strong independent women?), and doesn’t want a women who solely relies on him for every need. i’m not sure how this aligns with the softer, feminine energy, and would love some help or insight into how to showcase that ability, especially in a relationship that involves distance. i know that i can do, and want to do, better for him. tl/dr: what does it mean to be a strong woman and how does that correspond to the redpill ideology of feminine energy?",,25,darkksuns,2023-12-16 17:32:07 RedPillWomen,18jkpru,Is anybody here a survivor of Schrödinger’s Patriarchy,"A Schrödinger’s patriarch is a BROKE house tyrant. A man that wants the benefits of patriarchy but won’t fulfill the roles of a patriarch. I was raised by one. This man believes that women should take care of household tasks because of social conditioning. But then becomes a feminist every time the society expects men to be providers. How convenient. Imagine being a wife of a Schrödinger’s patriarch. Your man lives off of you. You go to work for 8 hours and then cook dinner when you come home. Sometimes you cook lunch before you go to work because your “house” husband refuses to cook, and he will order take out if there’s no food. You come home and your house is a mess. You complain to your husband that your back hurts, your chest hurts, you feel out of shape, and so on. Your husband’s reply? “Aww poor you”. No yoga or pilates class because you don’t have time. Oh but you are still expected to look pretty, of course. I am a first daughter of a Schrödinger’s patriarch and his enabler. They made me a substitute wife every time my mom is at work. I don’t have a 9-5 job but I do have a job that’s almost as time consuming. They expect me to cook and clean because I’m a woman. But I also had to provide for 70% of my needs since I was in high school. Sometimes my dad do the laundry and then will compare his labor to mine (his daughter, if you are that high and mighty try comparing with your wife maybe?). My mom who’s always tired from work and is unable to rest in her femininity also keeps me on the edge because she’s easily upset. I am a punching bag. It was worse several years ago when my dad lost his job (actual abuse). Oh and once he blamed me for not helping around enough, which is making my mom tired and not want to have sex with him. I don’t know if what I went through is a unique experience of Schrödinger’s patriarchy, but it’s definitely linked. Especially in my situation, it’s definitely Schrödinger’s patriarchy. Honestly I blame feminism for making men so comfortable saying that domestic work is just regular human responsibilities instead of a labor they need to pay for. Now a man can preach “house work is just adult responsibilities, both men & women can do it” while the wife does most of the house work. All talk no action. But this isn’t even the root cause. Feminism just made men more shameless in taking advantage of strong independent women they don’t really like. I believe that a man that is grateful to have his dream girl wont put himself in a position where he can lose her. A man that truly loves his woman will provide for her despite being conditioned that 50:50 is okay. And to be honest, a man who loves his woman will also enjoy doing house chores because he would want to be around his wife. He would understand that work is 8 hours 5 days a week and domestic work is 7 days a week.",,55,Pro_softlife,2023-12-16 06:01:32 RedPillWomen,18jd3tw,A Definitive Guide to Nun Mode: Part I An Introduction,"**Defining Nun Mode: What it is and Why** - **What Nun Mode Is** - Nun Mode is a dedicated period of focused self-improvement, typically lasting anywhere from 6 months, and in some cases, extending up to 1.5 years. It’s a framework aimed at raising your personal worth, thereby attracting higher-quality relationships. This involves: > …improving your worth, and in turn, increasing the quality of person you are. …mitigating distraction and focusing solely on self-betterment by filling up your time with activities that improve you as a human-being. **What Nun Mode Is Not** - However, there's a common misunderstanding among some women in the community regarding Nun Mode. It's often mistaken for simply avoiding dating or seeking a romantic partner. > “It's observed that some women claim to be in Monk Mode (*Nun Mode) when, in reality, they are just not dating or looking for a boyfriend. While it’s perfectly acceptable to choose not to date, it’s important to recognize the potential consequences, such as missing out on prime childbearing years if having children is a goal.” This pattern is better described as ***Actively Remaining Single***, which should not be confused with Nun Mode. True Nun Mode is about proactive self-improvement, not just the absence of dating or being abstinent and doing self-care, and can last anywhere from 6 months or up to 1.5 years in more challenging cases. **Why Embrace Nun Mode?** - Nun Mode is not just about achieving a temporary ‘glow up’ or fixing a broken picker; it's about making introspection of your strengths, weaknesses, life values and goals a natural part of your daily routine. And actively applying these insights to improve yourself as a way of life. The ultimate reward of Nun Mode is significant personal growth, a stronger sense of self, emotional and mental stability, and the empowerment to not only recognize but also realize your life values and goals. By committing to this, you transform into a high-quality individual, ready to attract and nurture meaningful relationships. --- **The 3i’s and Soft Nun Mode vs Hard Nun Mode** - Nun Mode revolves around **three key practices:** * **taking time for yourself and minimizing distractions** (isolation or solitude) * **deep self-reflection** (introspection) * **self-improvement** Understanding the 3i's (isolation, introspection, and improvement), you can then **choose from two paths** depending on your personal circumstances and goals: * Soft Nun Mode * Hard Nun Mode Your choice will determine how long and what type of isolation or solitude you'll be putting into use. **In the case of Soft Nun Mode**, where you're aiming for a quick ‘glow-up' — perhaps losing a bit of weight, improving your psychological femininity, or improving your fashion and makeup game — a moderate approach is more suitable. You might limit social gatherings that offer little in personal enrichment and take more than it gives, scale back or delete social media, and cut out other minor distractions that don't contribute positively to your life. The time you free up can then be channeled into productive self-improvement activities. These might include more focused and meaningful dating experiences, journaling, self-care practices, exercise routines, and investing in enriching your social circles and friendships. **On the other side is Hard Nun Mode**. If you find yourself in the 'harder' category — dealing with deeper issues such as consistently choosing the wrong romantic partners ('broken picker'), struggling with a severely distorted self-image, battling extreme neuroticism, dealing with aspects of Cluster B personality disorders, codependent relationships or entangled in disordered attachment style relationships — a more intensive Nun Mode approach may be necessary. This could mean embracing a period of actively remaining single and abstinence. For some, it might also involve setting firm boundaries or even stepping back from dysfunctional relationships with family members and friends. This phase is crucial for deep introspection and may require professional help, like therapy or counseling. The goal here is to engage in intensive foundational self-improvement to reach a healthy baseline. Only after achieving this level of personal stability and self-awareness should you consider re-entering the dating scene. --- **What's Next?** - Now that you've dipped your toes into the waters of Nun Mode, being introduced to the '3i's and exploring the soft and hard paths, you might be asking, 'What's next?'. **In [Part II](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/18k43ia/a_definitive_guide_to_nun_mode_part_ii_the_3is/) where we go deeper on the when, where, and how to Nun Mode using isolation, introspection, and improvement** we will also explore the potential pitfall you should keep in mind when practicing solitude. Beyond theory, we're also bringing you a **[compilation of Nun Mode field reports](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/18k3fnk/rpw_nun_mode_compilation/)** on successful Soft Nun Mode and successful Hard Nun Mode for a practical view of applying all of this information.",,15,FastLifePineapple,2023-12-15 23:12:58 RedPillWomen,18j8d76,Do you believe that religion is a necessary part of being traditional?,"Do you feel that it's a must? Do you believe a woman is able to hold on to traditional values without a faith in something greater? ",,16,AppropriateEbb5556,2023-12-15 19:39:46 RedPillWomen,18j14nn,When he hosts his friends,"if your partner was having his guy friends over for a UFC night, what would you do? Im going to be home which im usually not. Im friends with all these guys. I was thinking of making them some appetizers such as buffalo chicken dip and and nachos and then spending a little bit of time with them, while leaving them to their fun. What food would you make ? This is just a fun question. :)",,30,quesojacksoncat,2023-12-15 14:19:07 RedPillWomen,18j1725,Family Advice Help,"Hello! I was just looking for some advice… 2 years ago, my grandma moved in with my Husband and I and for about a year and a half things were really great. For the first couple of months, we had two kids during this time and she would play for a little while with the girls. More recently, she would play for about a half hour or less than more or less live her life. She had space in the basement - the living room, bedroom, bathroom, and kitchenette. She was very grateful and lucky to live with us, until about May of this year. she started to grow almost resentful. Making rude comments about going to her “hole”, not spending as much time with the girls, etc. right around this time, she made a really rude comment to my husband, he stays home with our girls and she made a deragotorty comment like “oh well, you don’t deserve this because, you are just a stay at home Dad”. He tried to bring this up to her a couple days later about how it hurt his feelings, because he does also work, he is just the primary care giver during the week while I’m at work. Regardless of if he stayed home, he is still providing so much to our family. When he brought it up, she got really defensive and claimed he made it up (which he didn’t), but then from that day on, things got extremely tense and she avoided, ignored, made judgy comments about how our girls were dressed (I.e “oh no socks today?”), how we were raising them, and genuinely made it hard to live in the same house. In July we asked her to move out and she had a place lined up where she was on the waitlist, but we asked she be out sooner as that would be April 2024… so she found an apartment, and has been living there since August. We have had a couple family events and she will speak to me, but won’t talk to my husband at all. We did not invite her to our house for our annual Halloween Parade and did not invite her to the Christmas Program for our girls daycare. She recently called my husband and left a voicemail this week, basically saying she did not know what she did, but she is sorry. She asked that he call her so they can talk, and that she loves him, me, and the girls. Anytime we have brought up a frustration or issue in the past it is met with extreme defensiveness and never any ownership. Additionally, she has held grudges against people for several years over small comments they have made. I’m worried if we call her back that things will get worse and she will get defensive and blame us again. Additionally, I don’t know if not responding is the issue either. What would you do?",,3,Fair_Farmer_236,2023-12-15 14:22:11 RedPillWomen,18inse8,RPW: How much does it impact your world view?,"I've posted here a couple times on another account when I was a bit younger. I eventually forgot about RPW, but then I kinda just started living it. I am in a happy relationship with a man that leads his own life and supports me in discovering my direction. I am very nurturing, supportive, bubbly, and loving. He is very up-front and decisive, while still being a deep and empathetic thinker. My personality and relationship falls very in-line with RPW and am and so comfortable and happy in my way of life that sometimes it's easy to forget -- *male led relationships and RPW aren't for everyone*. I don't want to look down on women that are just living their lives in all the different ways that bring them joy. I don't want to assume that ""beta"" men are living existences less worth living. Our individual personalities differ so much more than our sex characteristics.There are plenty of people who will find joy and fulfillment being submissive with their wives, captains to their husbands, or comfortably single. I love, love, love my life I'm building with my man. I love that he treats me like a princess and I treat him like a king. I love that his dreams and my dreams our now our dreams. And I want that for each and every one of us here since that's what we want. How do y'all balance these feelings? Is RPW just your relationship or is it your world view?",,16,Ok_Praline_2819,2023-12-15 00:58:47 RedPillWomen,18hv3er,"I am more successful than my boyfriend, and I resent it","I \[21F\] and my boyfriend \[21M\] have been dating for just over a year now. He is the most perfect guy to exist- he listens to my needs, gives me gifts all the time, delivers food to my house on a whim, pays for most things, gets me flowers just because, and we have amazing physical chemistry. He is my first and only boyfriend I've ever had, and has said that I am his dream girl- and acts like it too. &#x200B; The problem lies in our career and schooling. He took a year off uni due to mental health issues, and now has transferred into a lower tier school. He hasn't done any internships and has no real world experience other than being a phone salesman. &#x200B; For me, I've done three internships, two at F500 companies in tech, one in FAANG. Although I see myself being a SAHM in the future, I'd like to make some money before to support my immigrant parents and I truly feel I owe it to them, but I cannot see myself working a corporate job my whole life. Don't get me wrong, I want to be the submissive wife and nurturing mother after working a few years. &#x200B; I feel there is some resentment that I have because whenever I think about his career, a part of me gets turned off. I've never envisioned me being more successful than my partner, and although he does take care of me financially with dates and such although he makes $0 income at the moment and I make a decent amount of money from my internship, I feel bad (but never show it). In all my friend's relationships, although they may have other issues, the man is always more successful. &#x200B; I think the final nail in the coffin was when I was interviewing for an internship with big tech I secured for this summer- we both applied for the role and I got the job whereas he did not, although he has sales experience and I have no sales experience (its for tech sales). Although he is always very happy for me when I do get the job or advance in my career (such as taking me out to celebrate, etc) I wish he would be the one making the big career moves. &#x200B; I think he does have the drive. He says he's always applying to jobs and he does take school seriously, but I know he may not go to the lengths I would go to to secure a summer internship. &#x200B; I do everything in a feminine way- I do not talk career unless its a big thing such as me getting a job, and nurture and encourage him to apply for jobs all the time- I think I am playing my part as a feminine woman fine. I know we're both young and not done with school, so should I stick it out? What are your thoughts? I feel this is causing some power dynamic shifts in our relationship, and I may be left with a feminine man if it keeps up.",,13,anoncrush1,2023-12-13 23:57:10 RedPillWomen,18i1uwv,Why are beauty pageants seen as a big deal for nations? And well showing of gorgeous women in general in events unrelated to pageantry like international diplomatic negotiations and catering food services to foreign soldiers stations and other big national stuff?,"In the novel Anna and the King of Siam, the Siamese King's diplomat thought it important to impress the British diplomats by taking some beautiful palace servants, dressing them in Western fashion, and training them in dignified mannerisms as seen by British people. So it provoked me the question- why do nations make it a big deal of choosing beautiful women as representatives and dressing them fancy along with making them learn appropriate etiquette and ""high class"" behavior? Not just in pageants but whenever they have diplomatic meetings, business deals, and other stuff do they always pick women who are the cream of the crop or at least take stunning women commoners (if they decide not to use the 2%) and train them to be regal in behavior? Is this a big deal in realpolitiks?",,3,YMCALegpress,2023-12-14 05:55:34 RedPillWomen,18hnntb,Help! Looking for a particular post/comment,"Hi , I read an old comment/post where a member described a “12 days of Christmas” gift she made for her husband. Sexy themed outfits complete with matching accessories and notes/poems. She mentioned another user who had helped her with the creative process of putting the boxes together. I’m trying to search and find the post but can’t!",,8,Moovmntstudnt,2023-12-13 18:34:21 RedPillWomen,18hfui1,Ladies who manifested their HVM—what qualities did you want? Did you get them?,And how have they affected your relationship/life?,,24,littlemisslight,2023-12-13 12:35:50 RedPillWomen,18haabk,The Real Reason So Many Women Are Doing OnlyFans | Lib Turned Red Pill Female Perspective,"[Vtuber red pill vid](https://youtu.be/zFVy9vPvrGA?si=mOhL7xsT9CAI-Z-q) I don’t hear this perspective often but I strongly believe a major reason so many women are turning to OF is because they won’t admit that working full time blows (especially in this economy) and they’d rather maintain their stance on feminism (independence) but also get the benefits of staying at home by leaving their regular jobs to do OF. Do you think my theory is on point or that I’m totally off base? Let me know what you think below :)",,39,venatrix_wolf,2023-12-13 06:11:20 RedPillWomen,18h14ms,Shopaholic,"Ever since my husband and I got married, I’ve noticed my tendencies to shopping more. At first we both worked, but once I had my baby I stopped working to stay at home with her. I still love shopping but we only have one income. I know I need to fix this but I don’t know how to start. Of course, self control is needed but do you have any other recommendations?",,12,GloveFar5016,2023-12-12 23:43:59 RedPillWomen,18gl4ue,"Anyone here who was formerly in an abusive relationship but left, healed and is now living the RPW dream?",Please share your story and give a girl (who is working on leaving her abusive marriage) some encouragement!,,15,littlemisslight,2023-12-12 12:49:14 RedPillWomen,18g5nig,She doesn't work because she wants to concentrate on her feminity. But her husband's income is not enough for two people ???,"I have a female friend that inspired me to learn about the RedPill topic. I learnt a lot from her, but there is something that makes me wonder. As she (33) wants to concentrate on her feminine site, she does not work so that her husband is the provider. They are a nice couple and have a great relationship, but I wonder how she can live that life with so little security ? His income is not that high, I'd say for two peolpe it's it is actually too low to live in the present AND provide for the pension of TWO people in the future. (below 3,000€ net) Maybe she has a side income or support from her family, I am not a 100% sure. But it seems that she has great trust in his abilities and believes that one day they/he will get rich. Now I ask myself: Should I take her as a role model as she really seems to trust her husband and really lives the ""feminine"" lifestyle? (not caring too much, giving financial responsibility away, trust, let go). Or should I trust my own instincts that say "" Never give your job up until your man can provide for you AND your pension a 1000% ? What if your man dies in a car accident tomorrow and is not a millionaire by chance so that you are standing there with nothing in your hands??? What do you think about that?",,32,Remote_Meringue8,2023-12-11 22:04:35 RedPillWomen,18g2xhg,Navigating Work Discussions in a New Relationship,"I'm currently exploring a promising relationship with someone I've been getting to know for four months, and I'm genuinely excited about where things might lead. He's in his late thirties and deeply involved as a co-founder of a successful tech company. Even though I have about six years of experience in the tech field myself, I've observed that he often leans towards discussing his work with me. I've been enthusiastic and receptive to understanding his world, but I've come to realize that his work environment is exceptionally intense, filled with conflicts and complexities. These discussions tend to leave me feeling drained and overwhelmed. I've attempted to talk to him about it, inquiring how he handles such a high-stress environment. It appears that he thrives in this setting, handling conflicts with less sensitivity compared to my own approach. While I genuinely want to offer my support and insights, the weight of these discussions takes an emotional toll on me. He's acknowledged that his past partners have experienced similar feelings, yet he's eager to share this significant part of his life with me. Striking a balance that feels both manageable and comfortable for me has proven to be quite challenging. I'm seeking guidance on how to navigate these conversations about his work without feeling emotionally overwhelmed while still being supportive and engaged in our relationship. It's important to note that I don't foresee the nature of his work changing, so finding a sustainable way to manage these discussions is crucial for our relationship to flourish. Any advice from my fellow RedPillWomen?",,10,GoodApprehensive2371,2023-12-11 20:13:13 RedPillWomen,18fv1fq,He doesn’t want children. Did I fail to inspire him?,"I’ve been dating a man for about 3 months now (known each other for 4 months before we started dating). I’m 31 and he’s 37. This is the first healthy relationship I’ve ever been in and the feeling of being at peace with someone is so comforting. (I had extremely low self esteem in my 20s and kept picking bad partners) Unfortunately when we spoke about the topic of children the other day he told me he does not want any, whereas I do. This is quite devastating to me as it’s a fundamental incompatibility issue and means we cannot be together in the long term, even though he’s such an amazing man. I do wonder however if I just did not fit his ‘feminine ideal’? Many times I’ve heard that wanting children will come naturally to a person when they’ve met their ‘soulmate’. I’ve always believed this to be true as I know of women who always said they wouldn’t want children, only to meet the perfect man and suddenly have children with him. I also know of a woman who dated her boyfriend for five years and he did not want to get married or have children. When they finally split up, the guy got married within a year to another girl and got her pregnant. So I guess I’m wondering, when a man says he doesn’t want children, is he actually just saying ‘I don’t want children with you’? I know it doesn’t change the outcome for me either way (we cannot be together) but it would be good to know if there are things I can do to inspire someone to want to start a family for the next time.",,8,-ladykitsune-,2023-12-11 13:53:27 RedPillWomen,18f9ugw,Was told I'm a lady!,"Hello everybody! Quick field report I wanted to give. I've been a faithful follower of RPW for a while now, and have worked at implementing various advice in my daily life. I was talking with a teammate/guy friend of mine, and he said that a lot of the girls our age (college) seem like 'girls' because they haven't really grown up, some are women because they're more mature, but that I'm more of a lady and that's rare. (I'm paraphrasing which is why this sounds clunky, it sounded more natural in conversation lol). I told him that was the best compliment he's ever given me! I'm extra proud of this as he's one of my MMA teammates, and as much as I adore the sport, I've struggled with feeling 'unfeminine' at times in that environment. A few things that I've done, that I think helped lead to him saying that: 1) Dress cute but semi-modest; my outfits aren't exactly super modest, but I don't go to sparring in a sports bra and shorts. I also primarily wear dresses when I'm not in athletic wear 2) Openly express what I want, without being pushy or annoyed if I don't get my way; I think begrudgingly agreeing to something and then being huffy about it shows immaturity, and I notice some of my female peers doing that. 3) This is more of a personality thing, but I'm very happy and cheerful in general. I've had guys tell me it's nice how smile-y I am. 4) BIGGEST ONE: I don't say disparaging things about men. I used to jokingly say things like ""I hate men"" or ""fuck men"" with my friends when I was younger, but I'm actively working on avoiding those sorts of jokes, because I wouldn't be comfortable with a guy saying those things about women! &#x200B;",,47,Valuable_Place1265,2023-12-10 18:27:17 RedPillWomen,18edg8w,I made one comment in this sub and I got banned from other subs wtf,"I didn’t know this sub even existed until abt 30 mins ago. Then I commented on someone’s cheating husband validating op’s opinion that her husband did cheat and offering her support. Then I get a notification I am banned from other subs for being an incel??? Has this happened to anyone else beforeV",,75,Ok_Captain3855,2023-12-09 13:19:30 RedPillWomen,18ekqgr,I'm a widow. I've been single and celibate for 16 years. I've only been with 2 men.,"Not having a lot of partners has always been important to me. I was raised to be biblically submissive. Now, that I am re-entering the dating world, all of the conflicting dating advice is confusing me. Is what I am, not what men want? *** I realized that someone called me Mr. I think it was a typo, but also my name is Tyler which is a traditionally male name, but I am a girl. I promise.***",,21,ctylerjamison87,2023-12-09 19:15:08 RedPillWomen,18eca57,Signs he’s a good leader,"I’ve seen many comments bring this up lately. What exactly are the signs a man is a good leader, and not pretending? Especially early on.",,27,Independent-Hall4929,2023-12-09 12:08:11 RedPillWomen,18cskp3,Struggling with less sex in my relationship,"Hey all, Thanks for reading. Feel free to read my previous posts for more context. Bf / soon to be fiancé (33) and me (24) are having less sex and it’s really having an impact on me. We’ve been dating for one year exactly but have only lived in the same city for 9 months. At the beginning it was the typical daily, sometimes more, frequency of sex. Now it’s an average of 3-4 times a week. I know this is still “healthy” and nothing to worry about but I don’t feel good about it. I’ve spoken to him at length and he says he loves me now much more than he did then, that it’s simply not the first few months anymore, and that he’s extremely focused on our business so sex is less of a priority. He’s also said it’s an age thing, that his friends of a similar age have also commented that sex is not as huge of a deal anymore as when they were in their 20s. My only other relationship was my ex who was my same age (we were together from 18 to 21 at the time) so obviously it is a bit of a difference. Bf has quit porn some months ago and rarely masturbates now, so I just don’t understand how he only wants it those times a week. We have to spend wayyy too much time together since we work together (hardly a way around this) and I keep telling him that this is probably why he doesn’t desire me as much (which he denies). I don’t ever reject him either which maybe doesn’t help because I’m just too available. I don’t know. I’m just struggling with the transition in the relationship and cannot stop thinking if this is how it is now, how will it be in a few years? It makes me feel super unwanted and just too young for this, as much as I love him and want to be with him. I do have a high sex drive and workout everyday, so I’m in shape etc. I think what kills me most is not the drop in sex but the feeling less wanted. In my last relationship I was super young and toxic so every time we’d get to a less intense stage, I’d break up with him and then we’d get back together. I would never do that now but I dislike the more routinely, less intense honeymoon stage. Even though we are closer now than before, we are just less intimate. I’m also considering spending as much time away from him as possible when I do have my free time (on weekends) so that I’m just not as available. I don’t know. I’m likely slightly overreacting, self sabotaging, over worrying as I tend to do, and it’s not like it’s his job to make me feel desirable all the time, but it is something that’s hurting me. And if we don’t have sex I just don’t have it in me to be as affectionate and then he complains and we grow more distant, etc. I feel like I just found out that most long term relationships don’t actually have super frequent sex and I feel betrayed, and it’s just not what I want, but I do want him. I was also celibate for 3 years before him, so sex is new to me again. any advice would be great. I also keep having toxic thoughts like oh, if I were a new girl you’d want me all the time. Which is true but like…doesn’t help me at all. He started having sex when he was like 14 or 15, and though not incredibly promiscuous he has been with different girls and used to watch porn in the past, so idk if he’s just desensitized to one person. And it’s also super cyclical as I’m sure it is for most of you. When I’m ovulating it’s more frequent, but when I hit pms/period times, not only do I already feel like shit but then he wants me less/complains I’m less affectionate etc so it just becomes a mess. I guess in conclusion it just hurts that I still want as much as we started out with, whereas he’s ok with less. Maybe not even from a sex drive perspective but from an intensity/feeling wanted perspective. I told him this and he said relationships would always evolve from this stage, and I’d just end up breaking up with every new guy to go on to the next, etc. idk I have this terrifying fear of being in a boring relationship. I’m not saying we are there yet, just a fear. Perhaps it’s up to me to find more exciting hobbies to fill my time (advice would be great.) I’m just worried to never experience a honeymoon period again and that from here on, it’ll likely just drop based on people’s average and his own response. Thank you all Edit: every time I mention I’m looking into new hobbies/activities to do outside the house, he insists all I wanna do is run away from him. I am someone who needs a lot of personal space so living together is difficult but if anything, I’m doing it for my own good and the good of the relationship. It’s like he doesnt admit to himself being together so much is a problem ",,15,Consistent_Sleep_341,2023-12-07 10:15:48 RedPillWomen,18c5dbi,Should Women Defend their Men from Feminists who Call them Misogynists for wanting Traditional Wives?,"I was recently having a conversation about Red Pill stuff with a male relative of mine who is also in his early 20s. We both come from a family that is mixed between traditional and liberal – with different people going different ways. We are both probably the most traditional leaning two in the family. We are both currently single but both want to be in traditional relationships (with other people, not each other) with the man as the head of the household and the woman as the nurture. I was talking about how the natural order of things is for the husband to go out and work and it is the wife’s job to nurture the home by doing things like decorating, cooking, cleaning, washing and so on. My relative agreed with me but seemed tentative. I pressed him for why he was hesitant and he told me that it seemed demeaning for women to be in that role. I pushed back and said that this was often how traditional women express their love for their husbands, household and children and that it was demeaning to call those acts of love demeaning. He then clarified and said that it “seems” demeaning, not that it actually is – probably because of new feminist ideas he has had pushed on him his entire life. He then said – for example – that he would not be able to just sit or go off after a meal and leave his wife to wash up, he would feel compelled to help her. I then told him that if he was at work all day to bring home the bread as a loving action to her, then it is only fair that she should cook for him and clean up. After all most meals he likes only takes 30 minutes to a hour to make and putting the crockery in the washing machine only takes 20 minutes at most. I then said that if he helped her or did it for her, he would be denying her a way to express her love for him by an act of service. He thought about it for a bit and said he would try to accept it but for some reason it still made him uncomfortable. He said he could probably get used to it in time, but only when they were alone. If they had people over – such as more liberal family members – he would feel compelled to help her to save face. I said that he should hold firm and display to his visitors how his household works – that his wife does the cooking and cleaning up as a loving act of submission to him to demonstrate a healthy, good and loving traditional relationship. He agreed but then brought up a rather fierce aunty of ours who would probably yell at him as she thinks it is usually fair for everyone to pitch in on everything. He said he would not be able to defend himself as speaking for his wife and saying she was fine in this situation would look controlling; he said he would need her to speak up and say that she liked serving him in such a fashion and insist on doing the dishes herself. He still seemed a bit uneasy. I asked why and he told me of a few occasions where he had been verbally attacked for having these views. “That is such a man thing to say”, “So you just want a slave?”, “Why should she do all the house work?”, “It is not the 1950s any more”, “Oh your poor future wife, I hope you never get married” – Those sorts of things. Apparently traditional men get attacked a lot by feminists who think they are subjugating their wives. So should it be placed more on the women to defend their traditional men from feminists? Obviously it is men’s job to protect women from attackers and danger; so should women return the favour? What sort of things should women say in defence of their men? * “No, I actually life serving my husband, it is how I show I love him” * “He spends hours at work, the least I can do is cook and clean” * “This is how he share the workload, this job is my duty, he has others” * “How dare you talk to my husband like that” * “I am perfectly capable of doing the dishes without my husbands help” Are any of those any good? So what do you ladies think? And are there any men here who have experience with being attacked for being traditional or being defended by your wives?",,56,TheRedPilledLurker,2023-12-06 14:40:03 RedPillWomen,18c79tj,"Ladies and gents, what are different ways that men/husbands show that they value and appreciate their wives/women?","And what are ways that a wife can show her husband that she holds him in high esteem? I’ve recently learned from a relationship masterclass that, in marriages and relationships, it’s vital for men to hold their women at high value (appreciation), and women to hold their men in high esteem (respect). Obviously this goes both ways at the base level, but you should hold your spouse in the highest of regards with these. What are different ways that these can be displayed? Specifically the first one? I (24F) think I’m missing the ways that my boyfriend (24M) is showing his appreciation towards me, I don’t always feel like he values me, but I might not be seeing the ways he offers that to me. Please help😅 And the second part because, well, you can always learn more about how to love and respect your man.",,15,Twilight_Rose99,2023-12-06 16:07:13 RedPillWomen,18ccg7o,Different interests - RPW approach,"I really love being in the outdoors hiking, cycling, walking even when the weather's not ideal. My ideal vacation would be a multi day hike or something active in nature. My bf is different - he's more of a homebody and often sits in front of a computer screen the whole day even when he is not working. I get it, everyone has different ways of relaxing. He really tries to make me happy but he would much rather prefer to be at home. When I have kids, I really would like for them to be screen-free and to spend as much time outdoors, in nature and I feel that this is where we are not aligned. I'm tired of feeling so lonely doing things myself and can feel resentment and envy building up as I see my couple friends doing all the things I would love to do. How should I approach this sensitively and work it out?",,7,Several_Macaron_1707,2023-12-06 19:50:12 RedPillWomen,18c7fih,Partner often frustrated/negative at things in the world outside of me,"I've noticed that my partner often gets frustrated, annoyed or mildly angry at things that to me seem relatively minor. Some examples include frustration at other drivers, if the internet goes out, if his dog barks, if the he turns maps on and it starts talking to him before he's ready to drive/when he's already arrived at his destination. These have ranged from him calling the drivers names, scoffing, huffing, ""ugh"", or making jokes about it. He doesn't direct this towards me, aside from occasionally using a tone I don't appreciate when telling me to ""wait/hold on/let me do x"" if I ask something while he's doing something else. I've raised to him how this bothers me, impacts my mood, and how I enjoy being around him when he's in a good mood. I've notices a big improvement in him not yelling at drivers and he's shifted to making jokes instead. Now he expresses outward anger less often but still often makes jokes, or just scoffs at stuff. I can understand how a lot of this stuff is a mild annoyance but I let a lot of this stuff just roll off of me because to me it doesn't matter THAT much and I feel like it makes me more upset to focus on it vs just letting it go. I've explained to him how his mood and frustration impacts me, how the other drivers for example can't hear him but I can. We were at a free community yoga class. It was taught in a non traditional way because the studio was using it to promote their teachers and it was also really busy. He made ""jokes"" about the things he didn't like about it and I could tell he wasn't having a great time. I get that it's not an ideal class but it was free and I feel like my approach is to enjoy things for what they are and look at the bright side, and that pointing out the negatives doesn't help anyone. I'm really torn about whether this negativity/frustration is a deal breaker for me. He treats me very well, clearly he really cares about me, always apologizes when he does something wrong, and even has started improving in a lot of these areas. He had mentioned how it was hurtful when I raised the driving example recently again because he felt like he's been improving in this area a lot and feels like what's the point if I make it sound as if he hasn't improved at all and is still doing the same stuff. I acknowledged that he's improved and is trying and I do really appreciate that but it still bothers me. I'm wondering whether this is just an incompatibility with our communication style/view of the world. Thanks in advance for any advice and guidance!",,5,business_cats,2023-12-06 16:14:22 RedPillWomen,18bhge9,Disappointed We’re Not doing anything for my graduation,"I’m graduating from grad school in a week and had been really stressed out about my parents coming for commencement as they are estranged and divorced. They would be visiting from out of state. My boyfriend suggested we would just celebrate the two of us instead and I agreed. However now that it’s a week away, he suggested we wait to celebrate till after Christmas and I’m disappointed and have a feeling we will never actually end up celebrating. Is this a stfu moment? I don’t want to be a nag but he is the one who suggested this. I didn’t ask him why the plans changed because I’m afraid I built it up in my head since we never actually picked out a date to celebrate, I just assumed it would be when I was actually graduating. I am trying to fight the resentment I feel brewing in me that he convinced me not to go to the ceremony because he really doesn’t deserve it. Any tips? Edit: we’ve been together for two years. In the past at the end of my first semester he offered to take me out to celebrate and never did I think that’s contributing to the anxiety and resentment I’m feeling now. UPDATE: I told him if he wanted to treat me i think it’s more special closer to my actual graduation date and he said of-course! I’m feeling very hopeful now!",,24,asoftepilogue,2023-12-05 17:37:24 RedPillWomen,18bnoi2,"Women who are supported by their spouse/partner, how do you get him gifts?","My husband and I are genuinely curious. This is our first year married and we have fully joined all accounts and he does most of our bookkeeping. I mean I guess he won’t know exactly what the gift is just where it’s from, but wondering how y’all do Christmas?",,7,Huge_Scientist1506,2023-12-05 22:00:44 RedPillWomen,18au18w,“Beta Batman”,"Hi all! As the “manosphere” becomes more mainstream, I’ve noticed in some of y’all’s post that pretty toxic/controlling behavior seems to be a bit of a trend. These boys will breathlessly growl in a Batman voice: “You are my responsibility… *heavy breathing* I am responsible for your safety. So, to keep you safe… you are not allowed to come out drinking with me.” And in the next breath throw a childish fit about not being “allowed” to go to a strip club! Hiding insecurity behind truly desirable “alpha traits” like being protective is 1. Very cringe, and 2. Makes it very difficult to vet or know what to look for. I use the term “Batman” because he always has come off so overwrought and contrived to me… his moral story arc is actually pretty shallow, and built on some pretty toxic/unlikeable traits. Below are some questions to ask yourself, next time you think you might be in the room with a “Beta Batman”: - Is this genuine concern for my well being? Or is this a “preference” being foisted on me as a form of control? A concerned boyfriend saying “hey hon, you’ve been drinking a lot more than usual lately… we should take a break from alcohol, I’m concerned for you.” is a lot different than “you are *mine* and I demand that you stop going out because it makes me mad *nya*!” - Is this secretly “negging”/tearing me down to puff himself up? Or is this criticism legitimate and I should listen to my captain? The difference between: “hon you told me you were going paleo… why did you order a bagel?” vs “woah are you going to eat all of that? Aren’t you concerned about your figure?” - Am I willingly submitting to a strong and worthy partner? Or is a little boy demanding I cosplay a “submissive wifey” for him? Men who *demand* things like foot rubs/cold beer when they get home/dinner on the table at 6 tend to be cosplaying some version of “traditional relationships” before he has given you the commitment and benefits of marriage/long-term partnership that could merit such behavior. - Has he earned my respect by being a strong and respectable partner? Or is he demanding respect without respectable actions to go with it? Shrilly screaming “you will respect me!!” and throwing a tantrum is not how a truly masculine man behaves. - Does care and consideration flow both ways? Or are you pouring and pouring into a broken vessel (or, to frame it another way, are you flinging cash at any cab going past without its lights on)? Is he emotionally available, or do you feel the need to pry availability out of him? I don’t usually make posts like this, but lately I have seen so much more of this behavior cropping up in our group - women who think these “alpha behaviors” (which are not really good captain behaviors!) are something desirable or tolerable to screen for. Respect a man worthy of respect. Love and serve a man worthy of love and service. Women in male-led relationships are not doormats to any man who walks along… being highly selective is the tradeoff for the vulnerability, service, and value-added things RPW give their partners! Thoughts?",,54,Scared-Tea-8911,2023-12-04 20:53:15 RedPillWomen,18a4xfa,Should I (f18) let my bf (m18) go clubbing?,"My bf (m18) and I (f18) have been together for almost a year. We are doing great and we really value communication. That brings me to about a week ago when we talked about hanging out in the weekend and he said that he and one of his buddies would go out to drink (clubbing or whatever) he asked if that was okay and I was stumped. He then said he was just kidding and don’t plan on drinking or going out but he didn’t like the thought of me limiting him. Now I know I sound like a jealous or insecure girlfriend, but through out our relationship we have both quit drinking (it’s legal where I live) completely and we don’t really go to parties. That is just where our boundaries are. He says that I can’t go out because he says my safety is his responsibility and he can’t control what happens if I’m out drunk. And I respect that. We both agreed in the start of our relationship that going out was a single people activity that we wouldn’t participate in. But now he says that he has grown and learned that going out for a drink isn’t just to get girls but for business (I think that sounds a little macho and that real business can be made elsewhere) He said that he wanted to know where my boundaries were so he knows and won’t cross them. I said that I didn’t want him to go clubbing and that’s where my boundary is. But now I can feel that he isn’t satisfied with my answer and tells me that it’s me who doesn’t trust him. (I feel like that’s unfair because I do trust him, I just have boundaries) And now he is bringing it up every time we’re together. I have tried to make it work for both of us and pushed my own boundaries by saying that I guess it would be fine if they went to a small pub or something, but he says that I should be large and it doe matter if it’s a small pub or a strip club because it’s about trust. I don’t know what to think, it would help a lot if anyone has suggestions for an alternative or give me their opinions TLDR: my bf wants to go clubbing for “business” even though it’s crossing my boundaries and now he is trying to change my mind and saying I don’t trust him",,7,Majestic_Chemical_86,2023-12-03 22:14:13 RedPillWomen,189q9di,Help!! How do I slow down a progressing dating phase?,"I’ve (18F) been seeing someone (18M) for a week. We met through mutual friends and he’s been so nice and respectful so far, yesterday was our first date. I feel like things are moving a bit too fast for my comfort, he asked me to come over and make out with him later this week and stuff. It’s getting very touchy very fast and I don’t know how to slow it down. I think he’s super nice but I don’t know if I want to be touched super fast.",,13,New_Initiative_2134,2023-12-03 09:45:31 RedPillWomen,18a5y0d,How soon do you have to kiss a new guy you started dating? (I prefer to take it slow),"How soon do you **have** to kiss a new guy you started dating? I've had relationships before but those started out as friendships and by the point we'd gotten to our first kiss we had been friends for a year or so already. I prefer to get to know a new romantic partner over a longer time before I feel ready to do anything physical, even hand holding and I am finding it challenging navigating dating apps where I feel that women are expected to get physical with men fairly quickly, e.g. kiss on the second date or sleep with them by the 5th date. My current problem: I've been on 5 dates with a guy and I really do like him, I enjoy his company and I could potentially see a future together and I feel chemistry and am attracted to him but I also am not feeling ready yet to kiss him. Since the 2nd date he's asked to kiss me or at least hold my hand but I just don't feel ready to yet and it's led to an awkward moment in all of our dates where I keep rejecting his attempts to hold my hand or kiss me. I suppose I prefer to go slower in relationships, just because that's what feels good and feels right to me. It's not because of social convention or religion or anything else, just a gut feeling (or maybe I'm sapiosexual or just feel comfortable with a slower pace), and right now the following are all true: 1. I really like him and enjoy his company and feel attracted to him 2. I do not want to hold his hand or kiss him but I do want to keep dating him 3.If I had to kiss him in order to keep dating him (because of social convention) then I'd just break if off as right now kissing him would make me so uncomfortable. My question to you, is what is the longest time I could put off kissing a new person I'm dating for? Can I just get to know him for a few more months (just like you would if you started off as friends first?) Or Is it awkward if you don't kiss them after the 6th date? I am feeling pressure from him to kiss him and at some point I need to make the decision of ""do I break up because I don't feel ready to kiss him yet"". How long is it reasonable to date but not kiss for?",,0,Bright-Garden2720,2023-12-03 23:00:08 RedPillWomen,189h7y4,My (20F) boyfriend (26M) cant let go of my past but doesn’t break up," My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months, we met through mutuals and instantly there was a lot of chemistry on our first date. Since I was single for a while after a very traumatic break up/relationship , I didnt want to take him so seriously from the start to avoid getting hurt or played. I was stupid and disclosed a lot about my past in detail since I thought we wouldnt go anywhere. I have a pretty low amount of sex partners in the past and I tried being as understanding and taking accountability for my lack of self respect in the past for him and myself. I’m in love with him but because of this issue we have been fighting and he has been more frustrated at me, I’m very understanding but I feel like I am being abused for that. He said I have all the things he is looking for and he loves me but this one thing he can’t let it go. We are not talking right now and he hasnt reached out, I am worried that even if I have 99% of what he wants and has with me he will leave to go find and settle for someone that only has that 1%. I have taken accountability on my mistakes, I removed all guys from my social media, took down promiscuous pics, removed whoever tried to flirt with me, but he thinks that at some point I will go back to that and I don’t know how to show him I won’t, because I did those things cause I finally respect and hold myself to a high standard now, I want to be able to treat him the way he deserved and never got in past relationships but I am afraid he will treat me as less because of this. **TL;DR;** How can we come back from this?",,14,PuddingLow1059,2023-12-03 00:28:32 RedPillWomen,188qrxb,How to make HIM the leader - not you - fast!,"If you're in a stable relationship, but are interested in the process of changing roles from leader to being led, here are some tips that will flip your dynamic safely and quickly: 1. Ask him to establish roles between you two. Ask him enough ahead of time, before events or shared commitments. You can add your input, but avoid deciding, dampening, or brushing off his ideas. 2. Identify when you are the most sad. When you are in a bad mood, this turns him away from you to seek other mood-lightening distractions. You may be your most sad before your period, after you see your mother, or during exam season. Make it a priority to identify those patterns, and make a hardy plan towards mitigating them for yourself. Share successes below! 3. Give him more of what you want to receive. This sounds counterintuitive, because we want him to do all the 'right' things, first. But if you buy him more gifts, give him more compliments, or clean up after him - this might invite the idea into your relationship that you can do these things for one another. 4. Every night before bed, massage his feet/calves/arms/shoulders (whatever he works with the most). Just start doing it every night from now on without a special announcement. 5. Have an iron backbone. Respect yourself, adorn yourself, forgive yourself. Stop speaking ill of yourself or dwelling on your past mistakes. Just stop! Do not agree with him, or with anyone, if they ever say insulting words towards you. Practice saying "" I think you meant ..... because I am not as you said."" 6. Don't make jokes on his expense in front of others. Even if he laughs, says it's okay, or reciprocates. If you can't meet your friends without letting some slip, literally bite your tongue. If your humor exposes him when you drink, don't drink anymore.",,56,flower_power_g1rl,2023-12-02 00:20:42 RedPillWomen,188xv4l,How can I become free from abusive mother to start my own family one day?,"I really need advice on what to do. I live with my mentally ill abusive mother, and she takes financial advantage of me which is stopping me from being able to prepare for my future & a life with more freedom one day. I spent the past few years building an online business that has finally made it possible for me to make a solid living as a 32 year old disabled autistic woman. Before that I was employed full time aged 16-27 I was forced to leave school & pay all of our bills & I wasn’t allowed to go to university or start a family or do anything most people in their 20s get to do. I was completely miserable in employment & with my mother being financially irresponsible & squandering my hard earned money & I had several breakdowns that resulted in my hospitalisation. I was late diagnosed with autism in my 30s (I went through medical neglect most of my life) & it’s been a huge relief & help understanding myself & that helped me to build this business which is very profitable & accommodates my needs. But the problem is because we live in a council house (we are in UK, I think they call it section 8 in America, basically we live in social housing provided by government for poor people) I’m not allowed to keep my own money to save, they have access to my bank account & so does my mother so I can’t even save up to move out, she either uses all my money or the council take it. I feel trapped & don’t know what to do because I finally am making good money now doing something that’s sustainable for me but it feels pointless I deliberately am turning down nearly all my sales and just making the bare minimum to survive because I’m sick of not being allowed to keep my own money & have any hopes for a future for myself. I feel really sad that I’ve missed out on so many normal things people my age have done & it sucks because I make great money & by rights I should be able to be free to live my life how I want but because of my mother & the way that the system works here I’m stuck & so I’m wondering what should I do? ",,11,New_Addition_312,2023-12-02 06:47:45 RedPillWomen,188wxrf,"New to Reddit, needing assistance with submission","Hello there! I am new to Reddit and still learning the ins and outs, thank you in advance for reading my post! My husband and I have had an ongoing problem with my ability to submit. We have been married for twelve years and he is not only my partner in life, but the love of my life and my best friend. I want nothing more than to give him the support, care, softness, and love that he deserves as my husband. The problems I have with submission are more than likely due to childhood trauma and toxic males in my family. I desperately want to make him happier and fulfill my desired role in our marriage. He provides for me, protects me, and gives me everything I could ever ask for in a man. If any other members of this group can give me some advice on how to better myself and be the best wife I can be, it would be greatly appreciated. I don't have any positive examples to go by, and I was hoping to find them here. Thank you all again!",,5,Fox_in_socks1112,2023-12-02 05:47:52 RedPillWomen,187m4fg,"How do I as a new mom regain the lighter, fun, and more whimsical side of life?","New mother here…it’s weightier than I thought. Society seems to tell me I need to give every ounce to motherhood. I miss feeling like a woman. I miss the fun and excitement of getting ready and feeling attractive. I mostly miss the lightness of everyday joy I had…the freedom from guilt in buying something seemingly small for myself. I think RPW might get close to having a good balance with pursuing attractive appearance, happiness as a wife, and motherhood. I also think husbands have a great opportunity to take the weight off a mother and redirect her attention to the girl and woman she once was. Sex got the baby here in the end. So mothers, how did you reconcile the disparate ideas of a sacrificial mother and a goddess of fun and light? I don’t think Laura Doyle had any kids, did she?",,30,intonine,2023-11-30 16:09:02 RedPillWomen,187euz7,Relationship advice,"Hi everyone new here!! So I had a boyfriend who was a pilot and we broke up two months ago. Now I decided to go back to dating but every time I go out with a guy and we actually link after sometime they say the don’t want a relationship with me. I am not needy or I am constantly asking for things from them. The most upsetting situation was this guy we had a great time during this past week, dates and everything, he told me he wanted to continue this to a more serious level and one day later sends audio messages crying saying he really likes me and feels this a loss but that we hadn’t connected. The thing is I have alopecia and I don’t have hair on my body but I wear wigs and use makeup that no one that knows wouldn’t be able to tell. ( I make them aware in the first date if they don’t want to continue is fine ) I think it maybe because of that I don’t have a relationship because guys just don’t want to have a girlfriend who is bald! If you can help me or if I have to do anything diferent!",,9,Necessary-Sun-8411,2023-11-30 09:44:15 RedPillWomen,186uy7t,"I want to work part time and focus look after the home , I don’t think my boyfriend will approve","I am currently a college student. I’ve been with my boyfriend for a few months and we both really like eachother. As of now, I have quite a lot of days that are off(study at home days) but I will graduate next year as a health care professional. My boyfriend is a junior doctor and he seems very keen for me to work in this job when I graduate. I also do all chores around the house- I cook every meal, do all the cleaning and washing. The home life really appeals to me. I think I would work full time initially and then go down to part time. Would this be a lazy thing to do? I’m worried my boyfriend would find me lazy, as I get this impression. Any advice would be welcome",,20,Valuable-Pizza-9713,2023-11-29 17:28:46 RedPillWomen,186disq,Partner & Onlyfans,"A little bit of background, I'm a SAHM to 3yo twins. I have been lurking in this forum for sometime on my main account and I have been doing my best to provide a happy loving home for my family. My house isn't always the cleanest with twinadoes, but I put in effort and make sure I always greet hubby with a smile when he comes home. I was under the impression that everything was going great. We have had a couple of bumps due to parenting style differences, but I've always tried to make sure we discuss in private so I don't undermine him in front of the kids. I did put on 50kg, during pregnancy during the COVID lockdown. I ate a lot, and the gyms were closed. I have lost 30kg so far and I am still on my path for a healthier lifestyle. I should note my hubby also put on substantial weight during that time as well, and he has made no efforts to improve. I haven't critiqued him. I do just want us all to be healthy so we can have a long life together, and I try to reflect that in providing good home cooked meals for us. I only mention our respective weight gain as he mentioned his own as a contributing factor. Recently we visited my family in a different state. His phone alarm went off and when I turned it off, I saw on his notifications an option to close incognito tab. I saw it was a 100 dollar gift voucher. Confused I invaded his privacy and investigated. I initially thought I had stuffed up and not sent money for a baby shower we were supposed to attend. I discovered messages between multiple girls on Snapchat, kik, Instagram, telegram, onlyfans. I saw offers of money, Gift vouchers sent, lash extensions bookings he made, videos exchanged. He asked for custom videos and sent dick pics on return. I feel shocked and betrayed. When I tried to discuss it with him, he called himself names. He said it wasn't my fault, he was a sex addict, a piece of shit. He said he's been feeling depressed, and he's unhappy with how he looks. That it wasn't really cheating as he never met up with any of them. He said he would stop. And told me he would delete everything off his phone. He also told me when I asked about his accounts being created two years ago that he multiple times felt very guilty, and stopped for several months. ""When he felt things were good between us"". But then he would start again after looking at Instagram ""eye candy"" and clicking on links. I just feel like it's my fault. We average having sex 4 times a week, but he plays videogames 3 nights a week and comes to bed past midnight and with kids who are up at 6 I deny him sex usually on those nights when he tries to wake me up as I'm too tired. I would give him oral while he watched porn so maybe I was inadvertently saying it was ok to do this. I thought I made it clear that I won't be doing that anymore as I think moving forward sex should just be us in the bedroom. But last night he asked to watch porn after I started giving him oral. That request has sent me into a tailspin, I rolled over and cried. He said he thought it was just until we rebuilt our relationship. It's been 4 weeks since I discovered everything. I put on weight so maybe I just am not attractive enough anymore. I don't know how to move forward. Obviously I'm going to try to work on myself, and my body image. I guess I've been living in yoga pants and sneakers for too long too. I just feel in utter turmoil. He is a great dad, and a good provider for our family. We work well together as a team normally and I honestly thought we were very happy. I just feel like I was oblivious to the reality. I missed all the signs that he unhappy. I love him very much but I feel betrayed, and I don't know how we rebuild after this. I don't know what I'm asking for here, I just feel lost. I feel like I need an action plan, but I don't even know what action.",,44,windowgoose,2023-11-29 01:50:32 RedPillWomen,186jojy,Did I sabotage a potential relationship by being needy and asking for communication early on?,"I (female) at 24, have recently decided to start dating men and possibly finding a relationship. Not dating before was a choice I made for many reasons including depression and only wanting serious long term relationships (which I finally feel ready for). I started seeing a guy(M30) and was open from the start about my situation and having no experience. First date went okay, except for the fact he invited me to a coffee shop then proceeded to not order anything or asking me if I wanted anything, when I went to order a coffee for myself the barista asked me if were with that guy and then they gave me the drink for free. I brushed it off, decided to go on a second date where we watched a movie and had dinner (I paid for my dinner which is understood). And I’ve been trying my best to text and stay in touch but he leaves me on read for a minimum of 14 hours. Last time we wanted to schedule date he said “let’s do something else” then didn’t reply to my texts for the rest of the day. I thought I was being smart by telling him today that I’m sorry but i really need more communication and reassurance and respect of time between us because I care about being in good terms with you. And I basically got two paragraphs saying that it’s not a big deal that he reschedualed, that he is being extremely accommodating with my lack of experience, I have not allowed him to kiss me or hold my hand and that other guys will be assholes to me once they know I’m a virgin. I’m honestly seriously shocked from getting such reply. Mind you the guy never initiated to hold my hand and kiss me at all within the first two dates so I’m not sure where that came from. And I thought I was being smart by being honest and open from the beginning. I know it sounds like he’s not a very nice person, but did i really screw up and end a relationship early because of what I did?",,15,stellaok,2023-11-29 07:15:52 RedPillWomen,186dn7m,How do you let go & let him lead?,"This one is especially targeted at those with anxiety. What are some techniques you employ in order to let go of that incessant part of your brain, and trust that everything will turn out ok, even if you have no control over the situation?",,20,CharacterOrdinary551,2023-11-29 01:56:03 RedPillWomen,18626ni,Advice for young girls seeking commitment,"Hello ladies, I’ve been seeing a lot of posts lately about girls struggling to get commitment. I’m about to get engaged after only 11 months of dating (known each other thru work for about 1.3 yrs and having lived in the same city for only 9 months). And I’m 24 btw. It’s a long story as to why I say about to get engaged vs engaged—feel free to read my other posts—and it could all fall apart, sure, but I doubt it highly and even if it did I would use this advice on myself to attract a husband. I’ve had to cut it bc Reddit wouldn’t let me post it bc of length Edit: see comment below about men being like cabs. If he isn’t ready, NONE of this will matter! He’s just not 1-looks matter. Most men love a natural average face girl as long as she has a banging body. So get a banging body. Get in shape. You will feel and look amazing. This is a must. There are so many hot fit young girls out there, why would he settle for one who isn’t and why would you not be your best self? Beyond this learn what colors work for you, makeup, clothing, and hair wise. No, blonde isn’t always best, depending on your undertones, contrast levels, etc. Study beauty, it pays off trust me, plus it’s really fun. Just be your best physical self that is as natural looking as possible, but also gorgeous :) I work as a content creator so I do a bit of injectables which help me be more confident. For me they’ve made a huge difference but aren’t necessary by any means. 2-Don’t be a doormat. Men don’t want to marry one and won’t respect one. Here’s who they do respect…a woman with boundaries and standards. For me that meant no sex before being bf/gf and not living together before engagement, and smaller but equally important things like him paying dates, him respecting my alone time, etc. Decide what are yours and do not settle. It took me 3 lonely years of 0 sex or intimacy to find what I wanted and I do not regret it, plus it made me more valuable in his eyes. Especially considering that I was dating a lot during that time and the temptation to hook up with high value men was high. 3-Surrender/let him lead. This has been a struggle for me as I grew up feminist and independent etc but I’m slowly unlearning and seeing the benefits. My own partner constantly asks me to just surrender to him and trust him/receive him. It feels scary but good. I recommend Laura Doyle whom I picked up from this sub :) 4-Bring value. Your value is in your loyalty, in the peace and healing energy and radiance and femininity that you bring. This is invaluable to men. If he wants a woman who knows how to cook (most men do even if they don’t say it) and you don’t know how (me) learn. This will show him you care about fulfilling him. Anticipate his needs, refill his coffee, water, etc. 5-Brings me to sex. (Once committed) Enjoy it! And become as good as you can especially with bj’s and don’t turn him down frequently. I struggle with the notion that men like variety and I’m only one woman (and he no longer watches porn), so I’ve been trying to implement role playing but I am insecure in the variety aspect, so any advice would be appreciated. 6-Brings me to age gap. My bf is 9 years older. He still has a sex drive of course but Is extremely focused on our business unlike my ex who was my same age and only cared about sex. I recommend dating older, especially over 31, as these are the age when (some) men decide they want to start a family etc. However know you’ll have to give up some things as a result (mindless partying or juvenile immature things). I sometimes struggle with the maturity part, but the point is that you should both be mature and understanding of exactly what you want, what your values are, and what you’d give up vs what you wouldn’t. 7-Inspire him and always be improving. The grind never ends. It can be exhausting but rewarding. We cannot settle in this life, we must always be pursuing our higher/best self. This means different thing to different people and it should never be pursued for a man, but rather for yourself. However this will also keep them interested and likewise improving himself. Inspire them to be their best version. Support him and believe in his vision. And if he wants kids and has told you, tell him you can’t wait to raise his beautiful children and that you believe in him, etc. Men need this from their women. I too struggle with being negative sometimes but it’s a learning process. 8-Respect his space / alone time/ time with friends. Don’t be always pursuing him. I don’t have friends at the moment but I am introverted and require alone time to recharge so this helps. 9-Embrace who you are. In a world of constant comparison bc of social media and endless femininity content / advice, if you’re like me you can feel as if you aren’t feminine enough or cool enough or wifey enough. Interesting though, it’s not being some cookie cutter spineless girl that is attractive (to the right guy) but one who is authentic and comfortable with her shadows and flaws. My voice sounds a bit like Jennifer Lawrence’s depth wise and I’m 5’6 while boyfriend is 5’8.5, so I often struggle with feeling like this feminine flower. However there is not one size fits all and we are meant to embrace our unique attributes. Still working on this but I try to keep it in mind. 10-Lower standards. Not in a settle way but in a “marry him” by lorry gotlieb way. We all want Michele Morrone but 95% of us aren’t anywhere near his “market value”. And let me tell you, most of us would be miserable with a man like that. It’s good to be humble about ourselves when we fall into an excessively hypergamous mentality (I suppose same with men with polygamy). My bf isn’t rich but he is a natural leader, ambitious, hard working, has a vision and comes from a good somewhat wealthy family. I have faith that with my support to his vision we can make it. 11-Finally. Cultivate a sense of destiny and/or religious faith. Both trust in the process instead of desperately seeking, and look out for signs/the chain of life/God that will bring you to him (check out The Alchemist). He’ll likely notice too and it’ll only make the relationship more valuable. And let it be his idea on the timing / commitment steps. You don’t want to trap someone who isn’t ready. Hope this helped even if only a bit. Best of luck :)",,27,Consistent_Sleep_341,2023-11-28 17:57:37 RedPillWomen,185vm1f,Withholding Premarital Sex Age 40+,"Hi folks, so I gleaned that men marry to have kids. Here's the deal. They look for post fertility women for sex. This creates a dilemma. So, do the old rules from the 2010s even apply, or do men expect women of a certain age to automatically consent to casual sex? Is it even possible to withhold premarital 40+ ? When I was in my 20s and early 30s, both guys and girls in NYC valued sexual purity. This isn't just one culture but across the board. The term body count was known in my 20s. I don't come from a tight knit ethnic community and Im open to date all ethnicities, so the majority of people I know have family origins outside NYC, and participate in the mainstream culture. You had folks staying pure until 32, 33 and it was considered ok. Maybe 1 in 20 people were in the clubs but they sought to repent their ways. But idk what even happened after that. Seriously what happened in the late 30s to early 40s seems to have been a huge slide into hookup culture and memory holing of the previous situation. So, it's sex a by the 3rd date or you're blocked, culture. I found this out by polling my friends on sex and talking to people in dating oriented venues. Everyone tells me that the majority of women my age in NYC and even the South are single moms who have boy toys and that someone my age whose inexperienced is ""creepy"". I asked for constructive criticism and it was one's body count being too low, and not having ""grown up in the clubs"". Terms like prude, and get with the times were used. What was once a cherished value, is now a dis. So, doing casual daygame, it seems that most guys are either seeking platonic or sex from women 35+. Why has it changed so much? I thought it would be better because guys were less horny at our age. Any thoughts?",,9,SquirrelofLIL,2023-11-28 13:06:36 RedPillWomen,185h33p,How do I find a good man?,"I’ve (22f) been dating for about a year now. I know dating apps aren’t worth anything so I’ve deleted them and started going outside more to parks, coffee shops, bars, etc. Yet, I only meet guys wanting to hookup. (I’m not opposed to sex but I like to wait a while.) I want a serious relationship with anyone. I want to start getting ready for settling down and getting ready for a family. Apparently that scares everyone away. I tell them upfront I’m dating for marriage, I want to be a housewife or work part time, I believe in traditional roles and other basic things. I see everywhere online dudes talking about wanting to be passport bros to find a submissive woman because there are none in America. BUT IM RIGHT HERE!! I have a degree, I take care of myself mentally and physically, and I think I’m good looking. Where do I find a man that’s ready and willing?",,40,Ummmz,2023-11-27 23:21:39 RedPillWomen,185tch9,"I can’t make a post, help!","Hello! I wrote some commitment advice/a guide for young girls on this sub but it’s not letting me post it. It is quite long so maybe that’s it, but I keep getting the message “sorry something went wrong” and doesn’t let me post. Thoughts? Thanks!",,2,Consistent_Sleep_341,2023-11-28 10:51:53 RedPillWomen,184u38d,Am I doing the right thing?,"I’ve (25f) been dating a guy (35m) for three months and desire a relationship with him. Things have been going well so far, but once we got to the three month mark, I wanted to make our relationship official, so I breached the infamous “what are we” conversation. He told me he’s really busy with work and doesn’t want to start a relationship when he doesn’t know where his career is going to take him, but does want to be in a relationship with me when he feels things are more settled. I told him that I totally understand, but I also have to move on because I’m dating for marriage and it doesn’t seem like he can offer the first step (a relationship) right now. Of course it hurts me to move on because I really like him and truly feel like he is the one for me, but I also want to be realistic. I keep asking myself: If he can’t offer me what I want, why should I stick around? Am I doing the right thing by giving him space to figure things out and letting him come back to me when he’s ready or do you recommend that I show my “loyalty” by sticking by his side despite not having any sort of commitment? Context that I don’t know where else to add: - we haven’t been intimate as we’re both Christian - I haven’t spoken to him in a few days, but he’s been reaching out to maintain contact - please don’t hark on the age gap, we are actually very compatible values and goals wise",,23,studyofa,2023-11-27 04:06:20 RedPillWomen,184va7d,How do you know your SMV/RMV and All the guys are taken,"We all know that past performance isn't indicative of future results and that you can't time the market. However there are guidelines. Here's the deal. How do you know what your RMV or SMV are and when you're settling? Also how do you deal with everyone being married already at your age (35+/40+). Any thoughts, strategies.",,5,SquirrelofLIL,2023-11-27 05:14:27 RedPillWomen,1842vvd,Am I going for guys that are out of my league?,"I’ve posted here before and I’m ashamed to admit that I’ve backtracked more than I’ve made progress. I’ll make 2 strides forward then set myself back by 5 strides. I posted here last because I was concerned about my high body count. It hasn’t changed by much (only 1) but I’m disappointed in myself for continuing the patterns that caused my high BC. I have serious self-control and impulse issues. Logically, I knew the right decision was not to sleep with the most recent new man I was getting to know but I was so ‘caught up in the moment’ that I just let go and did what felt good. That situationship happened a year ago and ended badly. Over the course of this year, I’ve also “reunited” with both an ex-fling and my ex. I had sex with both of them again. Typing this out, I’m actually mortified at my behavior and I feel very ashamed. I feel like I can’t even recognize myself anymore based off how little respect and care I have I’m showing I have for myself. I know better but I am not doing better. The men I reconnected with have showed me in the past that they don’t respect me or have any regard for my feelings. For some reason, I delude myself into thinking that time apart will make them come around and appreciate me more. That’s not the case at all & it does the exact opposite. I had to block my ex-fling today so I can start to move on again but I just cannot stop thinking about what made him put me into the ‘just fun’ category. We’d go out on really fun dates, had some intense chemistry, sex was great, bonded over music, had good conversations but he never opened up about anything. To me, he actually came across quite secretive and even defensive when I would try to really get to know him. Admittedly, I am very poor at boundary enforcement and my communication skills are in the gutter. I’m pretty sure it’s the main reason why I’ve allowed myself to be in SEVERAL situationships. I fail to have the dating intentions conversation and let things progress to the inevitable ‘what are we’ conversation initiated by me after sex and feelings have developed. Those never go well. I end up staying until I cannot bear the thought of just being a girl that’s in his life and not considered to be HIS girl. It’s happened with 4 different guys. Now, I’m starting to think it’s because these men believe I’m good enough for the time being but not good enough for long term. I go for men that are 6-7/10 MAX 7.5 which I think is pretty attainable and realistic for my looks. Based on what’ve you’ve read thus far, does it sound like I’m shooting above my league or is it my behavior that’s keeping me in the ‘f*ckzone’?",,14,notknownfromhere,2023-11-26 04:50:02 RedPillWomen,183faj1,Dealing with husbands blindness,"My (f24) husband (m33) of 5 years went unexpectedly blind and my life feels shattered. We were in a very traditional relationship and I'm afraid things will never feel the same. As silly as it sounds, I always took great pride in my looks and it breaks my heart that they're useless now. I feel like I have little to no qualities to offer him besides my looks. I don't know how I can be attractive to him now that my main quality is useless. I also mourn the life I lost. He was always very protective of me, physically and emotionally. Now he can't physically protect me. He used to drive me around, which he can't anymore. I feel like I lost my captain and have to step up. I'm afraid I'll lose my femininity because of this. He provides, he is the sweetest man I have ever met and he is the love of my life. I haven't thought about leaving him for a second. I'm just looking for advice on how to make our lives easier. If anyone has any ideas please share. I feel selfish because I know he's suffering way more than me, but I need help.",,30,Typical-Visit-7759,2023-11-25 08:32:00 RedPillWomen,182pa2w,Boundaries about his friends?,"Hello ladies, Thanks for reading. Feel free to read my previous posts for more context. I’m about to get engaged and move in my boyfriend of one year. He is from a very liberal European country and in the past had liberal relationships (mostly monogamous but also hook ups, more open ones, etc.) but you know, going out to party with friends while girlfriend went out with her friends, etc.) I am 9 years younger (24) and though I did have a party phase, it has long since been over and I don’t really have friends anymore because of moving a lot. This of course has limited my social interactions a lot, especially considering most girls my age just want to party, and the couple of times I have gone out to a bar with another girl he has trusted me completely because he knows I’m not going to be flirting with other guys and it’s not really my scene, and once again in his culture it’s completely normal to do so. He has strong boundaries nonetheless, unspoken rules about me not having male friends/dressing too provocatively/posting thirst traps/partying consistently, etc. We spend a lot of time together because we work together and spend 90% of our weekends together and he rarely sees his old friends. However, every time he does I feel extremely insecure. I let him have fun with them in peace and don’t call him or anything, but it’s an internal struggle. His best friend is in a relationship and knows me, doesn’t like partying etc so I’m not bothered. But then he has this one friend whom he sees maybe once every month and a half, who likes to party and date many girls and cheats on casual relationships and I just get super insecure about it. I told him once and he said that I shouldn’t assume he’s like this guy and that we are way more committed than any of the casual relationships of this guy. And that if he heard how he talks about me with him I wouldnt be worried. He’s also referenced how his friend will end up alone if he keeps living like that. I have met him and got invited once to their going out (just having a drink) but it still makes me super insecure because he dates around a lot, and theres no way thats a good influence. I also often tell boyfriend to go out w his friends more since he barely sees them now and he says he’d much rather work on the business and go out w me (which I prefer secretly but idk if it’s based on control on my part) Again they barely see each other and my boyfriend is otherwise showing his commitment to me, has quit porn, is respectful overall etc., but it just makes me super uneasy. However the last thing I want to do is to limit his freedom/restrict/put rules on him. In this country it’s super normal to go out with friends, even if the other friend is single etc., and he’s already changed a lot (not just for me, he prefers a more traditional relationship in general). I just don’t want to dread these outings forever but I also don’t want to be the nagging girlfriend/fiancée who doesn’t let him hang out with his friends. Yesterday they hung out after like a month and they did work together at an office, and possibly went out after (I wouldn’t know because I avoid talking to him when he’s out with friends to calm my anxiety). And I just keep thinking how this guy probably talks about the girls he dates and how he probably cheats, and how they look at their pics and my boyfriend probably feels like he’s missing out or god knows, and it just doesn’t make me feel good in the slightest. I have a tendency to overthink/ruminate/sabotage, so I don’t want to create unnecessary drama but I also want respect. Advice?",,6,Consistent_Sleep_341,2023-11-24 10:33:24 RedPillWomen,182vjzw,Making my mother a red pill woman,"I love my mother so much and I want her to better herself. She finally divorced my dad who never allowed her to be in her feminine or feel beautiful or spoiled. She already started a new chapter in her life with a man who seems to be much better than my dad but she is still not feminine and not allowing herself to be. What can I do to encourage her to finally relax a little in her life and heal her femininity. I tried suggesting changing her fashion style. She has a killer body and I want her to accentuate it instead of hide it. But what else can I do to help her stir her in the feminine direction. I don’t want to push her or make the choices for her, I want her to want it, I jus want to suggest things. Any advice highly appreciated ❤️ She is a woman in her mid 40s",,0,VeeIsLost,2023-11-24 16:12:17 RedPillWomen,18273y6,Being feminine in a crisis,"Flair for needing advice as my guy has me feeling dried up. We have been together for a year and seven months. He hasn’t worked during this time and I am the sole breadwinner. We aren’t married because we still have fundamental problems. He’s often doesn’t feel well. He’s not dealing with anything serious physically that we know of. I knew we were going to face financial struggles and warned him in May of this year. Yes, I bought more show dogs, but I earn six-figures and all I need him to do is get a part-time job to pay for groceries and household supplies. Besides, he has expensive tastes and wants beef or fish in every meal. I showed him my paycheck was completely taken by bills this time around since the student loans have started. He proceeded to talk about how he needs to get a haircut and his plans for going with his family during the holiday, which he doesn’t celebrate. When the conversation wasn’t becoming productive, I left the room. Sure, I could have been more patient and waited to see if he had a solution to our financial situation, but I have been waiting for months and I am not going to nag. Secondarily, he didn’t even invite me over to his family’s meal. Didn’t even ask. Essentially, he said I was immature and incompetent for asking why I wasn’t invited the night before. No apology for excluding me. Of course he asked if I wanted to go and I told him I did want to go, but I really wanted to be invited. I don’t know what was said during the planning and it was his decision to not invite me. In all this, I am really struggling with if I could ever respect his headship. He always says he would never steer me wrong, but this has been proven false in the past and his recent actions cause me to not trust him in what his position is supposed to be. I can’t be treated like a doormat and I don’t feel cherished. To deal with the financial pressures, I am applying for higher positions outside my company (although I love my current job) and even applying to grocery stores for a second job. How do I not become a raging girl dog and maintain my femininity during this crisis??",,42,DarkBaddie,2023-11-23 18:03:50 RedPillWomen,182969y,Best way to act when husband is on a boys trip,"My husband is away and I have two small kids and two pets at home + working from home. I’m a bit overwhelmed but don’t want to come across as the stressed out wife. How should I act while he’s away? I don’t want to lie about things being easy for me at home but I also don’t want to make it seem super daunting to come back home to us (lol). I’d appreciate any tips or advice or stories of your experience with your husband on trips and things that work or don’t work. My hope is to have him excited to come back home to us and also appreciative that I held down the home front and our mutual business while he’s away",,13,[deleted],2023-11-23 19:40:47 RedPillWomen,1823qjm,Do Men Find Cuddling Effeminate?,"I was recently talking with a single male friend of mine about love languages. We looked up some examples including some for physical touch. He said he thought one of his love languages was physical touch and I said mine was too. We looked at a page of lots of different cuddling positions and I said my favourite was the one where the woman cuddles her man with her head on his chest. He said that that was also his favourite position, but reversed, with so his head would be on the woman's chest. He said he liked it not because it was a submissive position (which is what it looks like) but because it lets him get a good hold of the person he is cuddling, ""demonstrating physically that she is mine"" is sort of how he phrased it. He seemed rather unsure or embarrassed as he was talking about this. \[I did wonder if it might also be because the man's face would be near the breasts but I did not ask if that was also a reason he liked it\] He then went on to say that cuddling like that would probably never happen for him. I was about to go through the usual generic phrases of encouragement about dating and whatnot when he told it me it was not because he thought he would never get into a relationship, but because cuddling - especially the position he liked the most - is too submissive. He went on to say that women can like cuddling as much as they like and they should be the ones to initiate and ask for it, but men wanting to cuddle is too submissive and would put off good traditional women as they would look too soft and needy; thus men should never ask for cuddles. (My friend ascribes to traditional masculine principles and virtues similar to the ones we praise here) I then asked if he thought that men could not ask for physical contact at all; he said that maybe it would be alright to ask for massages, but only to soften his muscles after extensive physical exertion rather than for pampering - and only ever occasionally. I had never heard of this view before from men? Is it common? What do you ladies think? Would you find your man wanting to cuddle submissive? And if there are any men here, what are your perspectives?",,13,TheRedPilledLurker,2023-11-23 15:34:17 RedPillWomen,181zpab,How can I stop to be mad at my boyfriend beeing sick,"This is my first post and english is not my mother language, as you may notice. When I was sick as a child, my mother (very dominant and angry most of the time) would say things like: you're just lazy and do this for attention. You will infect me with your flu, stop whining about it. Now as an adult, I catch myself thinking things like this, when my boyfriend is sick. Of course I am not saying anything, but he notices that I am more quiet and not as loving. Last time we both got the flu, he was very caring and did so much for me although he was sick too. I hate thinking these bad things and would love to hear from you, how you care for your husbands and boyfriends, if they are sick. What are these little things I can do for him? And what could stop these bad thoughts? Yesterday I cooked for him and made tea. But I still feel guilty because I could not be that loving. Thank you very much for reading this. Please share your thoughts. Edit: thank you for the sweet an helpful advices.",,10,MultitudeSystem,2023-11-23 12:01:21 RedPillWomen,182llde,Thanksgiving,"I'm American. Sister-in-law grew up at a boarding school in Connecticut and loves to cook. Her husband and mine went to boarding school in the UK. We live in London, though different parts and they don't work together. SiL decided to make a Thanksgiving meal; and so, bought a large (45lb) turkey, made stuffing, pies, etc. We took daughter over to their place in Hammersmith. We went in, husband is a great uncle and revels in making everyone laugh. Their daughter, S, is 2, ours, N, is almost 4. After he picked up their daughter, spun her around, she told him that BiL doesn't do that. So, he told her that she needs to be blunt about what she wants. So she goes back to her father and asks him why he isn't ""as much fun as uncle"". Her father says, ""you're too fat for me to lift, S!"". When I heard this, I was tempted to call 101 this very minute, but didn't. Should I have? I know my husband would never say such a thing to anyone. But, by the same token, he wouldn't comment on it or get involved if he hears someone else say it.",,0,LiteratureOk7716,2023-11-24 06:24:36 RedPillWomen,180xy1z,My boyfriend (M25) told me(F27) his relationship history and it made me feel sad and confused.," My boyfriend and I have been dating for 7 months. Today my boyfriend(M25) and I(F27) were talking and he was telling me his previous dating history. He was telling me how a lot of girls have approached him and hit on him and he always turned them down. I am by no means ugly but I don’t know why I felt so sad and insecure hearing him say this. I grew up super strict and religious so I was not allowed to date and this is my first time ever having a boyfriend. Maybe I’m feeling insecure knowing that a lot of women find my boyfriend attractive? I don’t know but I left the the conversation feeling super insecure, sad and kind of worthless. Tl;dr my boyfriend told me his relationship history and it made me feel sad.",,40,QueenKaay13,2023-11-22 01:57:40 RedPillWomen,180yq7b,What to do if you crave physical touch?,"I really want to avoid casual relationships but once in a while I feel the need for intimacy and physical touch. For anyone that has chosen to stay celibate, how do you deal with these emotions? I miss the cuddles, sex and kissing and it’s making me feel lonely. I feel like with where my life is, it will be years till I find someone and idk how long I can hold it. Any suggestions on what to do besides keeping myself occupied?",,28,Waxflower8,2023-11-22 02:38:08 RedPillWomen,180e0sg,What does a healthy sex life look like?,"Hi, new sub here. I've got a relatively low libido now due to work stress and anxiety but I never used to be like this. It is probably connected to the fact I don't love how I look naked but I used to. I had this charm and energy which was so alluring to my previous sexual partners. I've lost her a bit now as I've grown up but slowly finding my new preferences but I gotta ask, those in long term relationships - how many times a week do you guys have sex? I'm in a 4 year relationship and previously there were long dry spells. What was your longest?",,20,SheWhoObserves,2023-11-21 10:31:21 RedPillWomen,180nokv,Seeking serious advice about whether to build a relationship with the current man I dating,"Hi all. I have been dating a man for several months now. I am 23, a student and he is 28 and a junior doctor. I have had 2 serious relationships previously and I want a serious relationship with a view of marriage. He has also told me he wants a long term relationship and children within a few years. His brothers are only a few years older and have wives and children and I think he is a little envious of them. First I will describe the good things about him and our relationship. I like his personality; he has a calm demeanour. We get on well together, we laugh a lot. I am physically attracted to him and he tells me often that he thinks I’m pretty and hot. We both want the same thing- marriage, children. In a few years he will become a consultant and he prefers to move abroad after this and I am very open to it. He is fairly generous with me. We are both the sort that likes to spend a lot of time together. I feel comfortable with him. We have both said we care about eachother. Now I will describe what I dislike. Firstly, his diet is very bad. He lives on highly processed food that he sticks in the airfryer, and he dislikes vegetables. This has made me feel quite concerned for his health. Sometimes he gets a little shy and wants me to do the talking- which isn’t terrible but isn’t my preferred quality. He has claimed that after having children some of his friends wives do not want to go back to work, and he has described that as lazy. I am concerned he would think the same thing about me if we have young children. Sometimes he is reluctant to do ‘manly’ things, such as carry things for me, like heavy bags, especially if it looks even somewhat feminine in appearance. He is quite interested in other women. He has had many past sexual partners/girlfriends. When we first got together, one time when we went out at night he described the other girls at the venue as ‘ hot as hell’. I spoke to him about this and he didn’t say it again, but he does sometimes describe other women as sexy etc. This has made me feel a little insecure about other women. I notice that on all of his social media he was following a disproportionately large number of women, including models etc. I spoke to him about this and he suggested unfollowing quite a lot of them which he did do. Recently I saw that he was looking at another females social media profile when I came up behind him. A few weeks later he started following the same woman- it turns out she is an attractive work colleague. He has mentioned her several times, saying that he called her the other day etc. I have also seen notifications pop up on his screen from tiktok- on many of which I glimpsed different girls pictures. I understand that men will always like the look of other women but this has put some anxiety in me. Finally, we have some sexual issues. I suspect that I have vaginismus (involuntary closing of vaginal muscles during penetration). This makes penetration painful, and he is the first boyfriend that has tried. He is very keen to have sex, and tells me that I should fight the pain as every girl has pain when losing their virginity. He has recently suggested going to the gynaecologist to see their opinion. I have also bought vaginal dilators which he is telling me I should use everyday. I want to have sex too but he is being kinda pushy in a way (but don’t know if I’m thinking too much into this). So all in all we get on well and I care about him but I do have some issues that are bothering me or making me insecure. I’m not sure whether I should accept these and try to work with it or call it a day. I am aware I’ve had several relationships with good men previously, and don’t wanna keep going through new men looking for something perfect as it never will be. Any guidance would be great, thank you ",,3,Melodic-Jellyfish-67,2023-11-21 18:25:49 RedPillWomen,17zwqpo,"Making myself more desirable, receptive and not reticent","As a dark skin black woman, I understand that there's a stereotype placed on me as a sapphire/jezebel and see the negative effect it has on my dating life. The men I'm into (traditionally masculine men --like firefighters/military men, etc) tend to go after women of asian/latina/European culture and I notice these women tend (NOT ALWAYS) present themselves as light-hearted, sensual and just a joy to be around. I naturally tense up around men (mainly due to teasing growing up) and sometimes find it hard to believe that I'm desirable enough. I'm reading books (the surrendered single, preparing to be a help meet, etc) to gain more insight. I'm also working on my fitness, mainly for my own benefit but also because I know it'll widen my dating pool. I do want to fall in love and get married but know people may perceive me as an angry, bitter woman, especially with my closed body language. I want to be more receptive but without coming across desperate or creepy.",,27,purpleand20,2023-11-20 19:32:04 RedPillWomen,17yb8dx,How to increase my chances of getting asked out by a man?,"I (21f) genuinely want to know what could make a man want to pursue me/ ask me out on a date. The most I got from a man as a sign of interest are glances, maybe receive a compliment about my looks or even get catcalled by some randos once every few weeks. I come from a somewhat religious background. So casual hookups are completely out of the question. People are more or less secretive when it comes to dating. That being said, a lot of my friends are in relationships or ""situationships"". Even the single ones complain about having to reject guys that are, in my opinion, pretty decent. But simply because they have plenty of options, they can pick and choose without being worried they might never find another guy. Some people might suggest I should try a hobby. Last year, I joined this social club where I met a lot of new people. I also went to a lot of events where I knew I would meet up with people around my age. I made a few friends none of which were ""potential suitors"". I stopped going out as much nowadays because I had to focus on studying and getting the most out of my graduation year. This isn't a self-pitty post btw. I allowed myself enough time to feel sorry for myself. I'm just trying to figure out exactly why I'm getting zero attention despite being young and in my ""prime"" years. I take good care of myself. I'm not overweight, the clothes I wear are flattering enough, I take care of my hygiene, hair, I wear makeup that enhances my features, but isn't dramatic. I would say I'm an overall kind person, helpful within the limits of my capabilities. I'm a bit of an introvert, pretty outgoing in the right circumstances, but I prefer sticking to my circle of friends. I don't try to befriend every guy I know, but I'm friendly and I try not to come across as ""stuck up"" as best as I can. Women like me are told that we're only single because we tend to ignore guys in our dms. Most of my dms were pretty dry. I tried to get to know a few people online, some turned out to be amazing friends, a lot of them just wanted nudes. I never found myself in a situation where I had to ""friendzone"" someone. All of my male friends never acted in a ""trying to get in my pants"" sort of way. Our conversations are always strictly platonic without me having to assert any boundaries. Unfortunately, I initiate 90% of those conversations. Safe to say that none of my male friends want to date me. Even if I had to reject guys, which rarely happens. I'm entitled to my preferences, which aren't unattainable btw. I just had to make a few things clear before getting attacked by redpill dudes. Arranged marriage is still part of our culture, so I could always skip the headache of dating. But I can't be 100% sure that the person I'll be getting married to is compatible or if they will treat me the way I deserve. Also there's no room for romantic feelings if I didn't willingly chose that person after falling in love with them. Sorry for the long rant. I just want to know what can I do to not end up as a lonely old cat lady or worse, having end up getting married to a terrible person.",,27,SilverKnightLife,2023-11-18 17:22:33 RedPillWomen,17xrdfj,Confidence for the Single RPW,"I have noticed a number of posts lately from single or dating phase women where it is apparent there is a major lack of confidence on the woman’s part, a fear of risk taking, and much excuse making. Many women come here looking for a husband but are not ready to accept the risk that comes with searching and I get it, it is scary and hard and frustrating. But as a long-time dater and ambassador to the unmarried RPW, I feel like we should have a discussion on this. **Reasons for Lack of Confidence in RPW** It is not surprising to see a common theme of lack of confidence in women. Most of us were not raised… well, like men, to be confident risk takers… and those of us who were struggle to become less masculine. But in general, many (not all) RPW sit on the submissive, traditional side and therefore have personalities that make us prone to being more quiet, fearful of speaking up or taking risks. After all that is part of what makes us desire a strong male leader, right? They can supplement what we lack, or simply don’t want to do, offering us security and safety. So we become entrenched in RPW theory and are chronically online, and while helpful at first, some of us take it to the extreme, seeing things in black and white and as a set of rules we MUST follow to get a man. The age we must be, the things we must wear, how we approach sex, our weight/fitness, we must be homemaker domestic goddesses … the list of assumptions goes on. And this can create a sort of paralysis where we fear making a single move with a man until we are perfect or become robotic on dates because we have theory running through our brains. We think *don’t do that, don’t say that*, and we totally lose our authenticity. Men don’t like that. **Men Like Confidence** The reality is men like confidence, even men who want a good RPW. Men are attracted to women who are self assured, who have something to say about life and passion in their interests, and they like to chase (not in a toxic gaming playing way but in a men like to conquer way). I feel somewhere along the way, we have begun to think of confidence as overly masculine which it absolutely is not when done right. Additionally, wanting a partner and pursuing it is not masculine. As Laura Doyle says in Surrendered Single, the first step is surrendering to your desire to be married. It is OK and good to admit you want a partner. Embrace it. Of course women can make the mistake of being too masculine in how they approach seeking a partner and I think most of us here knows what that looks like. But I worry we are seeing many overcorrect in an attempt to not be masculine resulting in the appearance of a lack of interest in men and honestly, just being a boring date. Men want to be fascinated by you and want to be desired in the dating phase. Even the most Alpha of men who are willing to put in the great effort to pursue you and lead would like attention back and to know you WANT it. **Getting What You Want Takes Risk** If you want a boyfriend or husband, you HAVE to take risks. Very few people marry their HS sweetheart and even fewer meet the love of their life because they are approached at the grocery store or by the handsome Christmas tree farmer, Hallmark movie style, or whatever other fantasies we see on movies. You have to put yourself out there in an intentional and strategic way. This means that yes, you likely will get rejected by men you like, you will have bad dates, you will have men who lie to you to try to hook up, and you’ll meet people you aren’t attracted to. And it’s a bummer. But you will also have first dates where the sparks fly and you feel on top of the world, you’ll find men who are genuine and sincere, and most of all you’ll have the opportunity of finding a life partner. But you have to kiss some frogs to get a Prince. It’s just like applying for jobs, you apply for a lot until you land a minimal number of interviews and then finally get an offer. And I get it, many don’t want to online date. Most women don’t enjoy it and most men don’t either. But unless you are young and have exposure to a lot of men on a daily basis, you should. Think about the women of the past, our grandmothers. They would have LOVED to have a tool like this at their disposal rather than having to marry Joe down the street because that is the only person they had exposure to. Remember that online dating is just a tool – you should not sign up with the expectation that you will meet your husband tomorrow, that everyone (strangers!) is deserving of your time and energy, that everyone will think like you or have the same values as you, and that everyone will be respectful. Don’t sign up and expect it to work immediately and don’t overwhelm yourself with dates. Go on only a couple a month with people you are really excited to meet and don’t quit when it doesn’t work out. We have to toughen up a little and take the whole process in a more lighthearted way, yes still being intentional but also having fun with it. And if you don’t want to online date, then you better be prepared to put a lot of effort into making social connections in person. This means stepping outside of your comfort zone, joining meet ups, attending events often alone, getting dressed nice to go out on many occasions where you don’t meet anyone, and having men hit on you who are not your type at all and you have to reject face to face which I can tell you is much harder than doing it online. It is certainly easier to make excuses about why nothing will work for you – why you can’t online date, why you won’t pursue men you have an interest in, why your life situation makes you not good enough for a man, or claiming you tried it all before and it failed so why try again. But they key is, if you want something, you have to proactively work for it and you have to take the risks to reap the rewards. I have linked to a few resources below that will help singles grow their confidence and overall strategy to dating and finding a mate. We have so many resources here on HOW to become appealing to men through expressing your femininity in all the ways, but this post is meant to be a little kick in the pants for those looking to get out there. I’d love to hear your thoughts and what you’ve done to cultivate confidence and a risk taking spirit in dating! **Resources** Book: Surrendered Single, Laura Doyle Book: Getting To I Do Book: Why Men Marry Bitches [RPW Post: The Art of the Bad Excuse](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/7ad6eb/approaching_men_the_art_of_the_bad_excuse/) [RPW Post: Game Tips for Women](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1ssn1e/game_tips_for_women_some_nsfw_content/) [RPW Post: Online Dating](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/16e8q6c/back_to_basics_september_online_dating/) ",,31,Jenneapolis,2023-11-17 22:44:36 RedPillWomen,17x8dtq,What I learned about respect at work,"At my job, I'm learning how to work in a new section on my department. My trainer, a married middle aged man, was telling me that he had a door that needed to be fixed at his house, but that his wife wouldn't let him do it. He had looked it up on the internet, gotten the tools to do it, and was just about to start fixing it when she walked in and told him to stop and said she just wanted to call someone to fix it. He told me that had wanted to try fixing things around the house for years, but she never let him, and so he figured he must not be good enough to do it. He tried laughing it off like it was a joke, but it obviously wasn't. The level of sadness and shame in this man's eyes and voice when he was telling me this... It was palpable. I felt the need to tell him that he should try fixing it anyway, and surprise her with it when she gets home. Maybe that wasn't the right thing for me to do, but when I said that, he instantly lit up. I just couldn't handle seeing him so sad, and he was a lot happier the rest of the day. We as women tend to think stuff like that doesn't matter, but it does. Men love to help us and to feel capable. Let them. ",,72,[deleted],2023-11-17 05:56:16 RedPillWomen,17ww4g9,Having a Relationship with a Captain who has Autism?,"Are there any women here who have Captains with autism? (or autistic Captains who are married to Red Pill Women?) How do you find it supporting your man through his autism? Does he have meltdowns and if so what do you do? Does he have shutdowns and if so what do you do? Is he an effective leader and good provider? What are the struggles his autism causes in your relationship? Would you prefer it if he did not have autism? Do his weaknesses make him too submissive? Do you have to be more dominant to help him? Does it affect your bedroom? Does it affect your emotion/spiritual/romantic/carnal connection? What advice would you give to a woman (or autistic man) who is considering a relationship with a Captain with autism?",,6,TheRedPilledLurker,2023-11-16 20:08:17 RedPillWomen,17wwgk2,Birth Control Help?,"Hello ladies of RPW! I was wondering if anybody had advice on birth control. I’m in a bit of a specific situation; I can’t take estrogen-based birth control due to significantly increased stroke risk (from blood condition), and my cycle is very irregular, so I can’t do the fertility awareness method (which is what I read many women recommended on this sub). I currently have a copper IUD in, and I think I’m going to get it removed in December. My periods are significantly more painful, and I get random cramping all the time; people have said symptoms usually go away in 3-6 months, but it’s been 11 months now and it’s barely improved. Progesterone-only is an option, but my doctor warned me he’s seen several women get pregnant when they use that as their method of contraception, so I’m wary of that. I know I’m being really picky, but I honestly hate birth control! I don’t like the thought of messing with my hormones, the non-hormonal copper IUD currently isn’t working for me, and just using condoms feels too risky to me. I’m currently single and for a variety of reasons, I want to wait to have sex until I’m in a significantly committed relationship. Part of me thinks not having birth control would be a good motivation to hold that boundary. However, I am aware that I have a VERY high sex drive and there’s always the chance that I’ll make a dumb choice in the future, which is why the safety net of birth control might be a good thing. To be clear I don’t sleep around (my n is 1), I just really believe in being prepared. Not to mention, when I'm in a relationship, I understand that my partner will want to have sex (as will I), and I'd like to be able to do that! Does anybody have any suggestions for birth control options, or how to approach this situation? Thank you all for your time! ",,6,Valuable_Place1265,2023-11-16 20:23:01 RedPillWomen,17wbckh,Is there such thing as too much sex?,"I saw the post in here a few days ago about how not turning your partner down for sex can help a lot in your relationship. Does anyone have advice for someone in the opposite situation? I feel like I ALWAYS want sex. We have periods where I feel like my boyfriend feels the same way and we’re having sex every day if not multiple times a day. But then we will go days without it and I feel like he doesn’t want to touch me anymore and I have to beg him to fuck me. Really, we haven’t gone more than probably 2 weeks without sex since we started dating in May 2022. But I still get upset when we go through dry periods and I don’t know how to help myself through it.",,33,udrewstars_,2023-11-16 02:20:42 RedPillWomen,17w5e09,How to support my partner without suffocating him?,"Context: My partner was in an accident about a week ago and ended up with a broken ankle and leg. We were sooo blessed to have a great medical team and quick surgery, we only spent two nights in the hospital and are now on the road to recovery. We don’t live together, and currently we are both staying with his family so his mom and I can be there to help him since he can’t put weight on his leg at all and is on a pretty rigorous course of pain management medications (we are all tired due to waking up every few hours for meds). His mom is an angel (and an RN) but I can tell having her fuss over him on top of having me by his side constantly is starting to feel like a bit much for him. I can’t imagine how it feels to be in that much pain physically or how mentally draining it must be to not be able to do anything on his own, and I assume it’s a little much to have both me and his mom around 24/7. I know he appreciates it (and he has told me this a bunch too!) but I can tell he is starting to feel smothered and I’m not sure what I can do. I’ve talked to him about it when I can, but there isn’t much that can change since he does need so much help at this point. So, I come to the wise members of RPW seeking support, words of wisdom, encouragement, and any advice you can give as to how I can do what he needs without being overbearing or making him feel like my view of him has changed.",,12,amityjeanklein,2023-11-15 22:11:17 RedPillWomen,17w94bl,New relationship advice needed (this is a positive step in my life),"My best friend of 22 years brother and I have been seeing each other romnantically lately and we both want to take things slow. We’ve known each other since we were pre teens and once had a brief relationship when we were 17 and 17 and half and obviously it didn’t work bc we were young and immature but it was a good relationship given our ages. We were each others persons We never stopped loving each other and never left each others minds once in the last 12ish years. We obviously had been in other respective relationships with other people in that time but they both didn’t work out and we were both treated badly in them. My most recent one only lasting 9ish mos and not being ideal. I’ve healed and moved on since then. He and I now are together but would like to take our relationship slowly but grow romantically and we are both the happiest we’ve been in years since being together. He’s a breath of fresh air and my soul feels so calm around him. And he feels the same way back. He spent the night smiling from ear to ear and being the happiest I’ve ever seen him. How do we take things slow? There’s so much love here and I’ve already spent the night, had our first kiss and got mildly intimidate. And I’m going back over Saturday for dinner and to spend the night I’m used to guys rushing things and am used to that being a habit and how a relationship is but I don’t want that with my guy. I want to learn to love him and grow with him intimately and romantically the old fashioned way. I’d love advice. I’m excited to be with him!!",,6,itsmepingu,2023-11-16 00:42:03 RedPillWomen,17w5dy7,How to support my partner without suffocating him?,"Context: My partner was in an accident about a week ago and ended up with a broken ankle and leg. We were sooo blessed to have a great medical team and quick surgery, we only spent two nights in the hospital and are now on the road to recovery. We don’t live together, and currently we are both staying with his family so his mom and I can be there to help him since he can’t put weight on his leg at all and is on a pretty rigorous course of pain management medications (we are all tired due to waking up every few hours for meds). His mom is an angel (and an RN) but I can tell having her fuss over him on top of having me by his side constantly is starting to feel like a bit much for him. I can’t imagine how it feels to be in that much pain physically or how mentally draining it must be to not be able to do anything on his own, and I assume it’s a little much to have both me and his mom around 24/7. I know he appreciates it (and he has told me this a bunch too!) but I can tell he is starting to feel smothered and I’m not sure what I can do. I’ve talked to him about it when I can, but there isn’t much that can change since he does need so much help at this point. So, I come to the wise members of RPW seeking support, words of wisdom, encouragement, and any advice you can give as to how I can do what he needs without being overbearing or making him feel like my view of him has changed.",,7,amityjeanklein,2023-11-15 22:11:14 RedPillWomen,17v8yme,How can I make more girl friends,"When I was unattractive I had more girl friends and less guy friends. I’ve been judged by other women for having a lot of guy friends but those same women don’t want to be my friend. I think girls are threatened by attractive women, I don’t like hanging out with men most of the time because when they are respectful they tend to ignore you since you’re a girl they prefer to kind of leave you alone, and obviously I don’t want to hang out with men who are disrespectful. I want to consume more feminine energy, I don’t want to become a “masculine woman “.I want to create or be in a group for only woman but I’m struggling to find any that are active.",,21,Adri7wolf2,2023-11-14 18:39:01 RedPillWomen,17v6vbg,How to deal with the fact that your partner has expressed to you he is sexually attracted to someone else?,"I know its silly to live in a fantasy world that your partner only thinks you are attractive but this fantasy world keeps me sane and it was disrupted last year and I still feel sad about it. I have low self esteem which I have been and am working on very hard (therapy, counselling, healthy lifestyle, self help books + podcasts, plant medicine). Last year I made a friend who I admired very much. She was a very beautiful, outgoing, and a confident person. My partner and I went to her house to hang out with her (and one other person). It was fun and went well, however that night when we got home my partner admitted he felt attracted to her. I felt crushed because I already had some envious feelings for this girl. I only ended up hanging out with this girl one other time after, and then our friendship died off because she moved a few hours out of the city. Our relationship is amazing despite this; he is loyal, supportive, loving and is my best friend. This really affected me and although I am handling this a lot better now that it has been a year, every once in a while I have a day were I feel very sad about this fact and today is one of those days. How can I try and get over this?",,23,bananacandy16,2023-11-14 17:08:18 RedPillWomen,17v1cly,What’s your reason of living?,"Sorry for such a depressing question but I’m genuinely curious! I’m okay I promise! I just want to know what RP girls’ goals and purpose in life are. I’m struggling a bit to make any meaning out of why I’m still here, hoping I can possibly get inspired by and understand the purpose of those who have similar viewpoints to me. Thank you 💓",,32,New_Initiative_2134,2023-11-14 12:38:54 RedPillWomen,17v2xyt,About to get engaged and terrified/anxious,"Hello all, Thanks for reading first of all. Feel free to read my previous post for more context. Boyfriend (and I) decided that I shouldn’t renew my rent contract and after he talks to my parents, I should move in with him. He knows that I won’t live with a man without a ring and we’re traveling to talk to parents in January and I come back some weeks later. I will move in with him then and he assured me that he will have “everything set up” soon but that he also wants to keep an element of surprise to the proposal etc. I told him as long as he doesn’t lead me on for months, and he’s aware and says he won’t. Anyway we said we’ll probably start planning wedding some time after that. He’s 33 and I’m 24, we met because we work together (content creation), and he’d love to have kids sooner than I do tbh. Anyway, I know in another time 24 is actually even old to get proposed to etc, but I was in university messing around (not sexually lmao just like silly young people things) a year ago, and I’m excited and in love to be with him but also so deeply terrified. For one I’ve struggled to make friends again after moving and because of some previous traumas, I also struggle with anxiety about marriages/relationships failing most of the time, cheating, etc. My parents’ relationship isn’t good and I don’t have any references. I guess this whole time marriage seemed so far away (we’ve been a year together and I told him I’d give him two) that I thought I’d be ready for it, but now I just feel like an anxious child who doesn’t even feel good enough. And I’m just terrified about how living together often kills the intimacy and we work together si have to spend lots of time together, unfortunately. He’s assured me he’s never loved someone as much as me nor even wanted to get married given the state of things (and people in his country (southern Europe) don’t really get married, much less after one year. And that we will be the exception to shitty marriages. I’m terrified of feeling mundane and not exciting after living together etc., and of self sabotaging as a result (as I have had a tendency to do that in the past). I just have this idea that the beginning (first few months of a relationship) is the best part and after that the guy just sees you as boring/no longer new so meh ? And also the idea of forever is terrifying and just doesn’t seem like it ever even works nowadays. He’s quite calm and sure and mature and I feel like I half don’t feel good enough, half am terrified etc. he’s lived with two other girlfriends before in the past and I also don’t wanna feel like just another one. Idk I’m definitely super anxious and insecure (doom scrolling on Redding about relationships / cheating doesn’t help). I’m also anxious about my parents/people judging us because they’re not that traditional and they might think one year is too soon. I love him, want to be with him, and feel lucky to have him and for things to being going smoothly. Now I just need to figure out how to feel worthy/enough, trust, and not self sabotage. I do go to therapy but she’s from the same liberal country and lowkey judges us I feel like. And would just tell me to wait longer when I don’t see the point, as we have the same goals and love each other. Anyway clearly I’m an anxious mess, any advice would help ❤️ I’m sure I want to do this, just don’t know how to feel positive or good enough, etc.",,8,Consistent_Sleep_341,2023-11-14 14:06:26 RedPillWomen,17uc2jh,Sex is truly the key 🔐,"I’ve been with my husband for 7yrs and I finally understand how pivotal a **healthy sex life** is in our marriage. It’s been the missing piece. For the last few years in our marriage, I’ve gotten lazy and selfish. I’d turn him down for sex regularly, with my only excuse being “I’m tired”. Mentally excusing it away as “I’ve had a long day” or “just not right now.” Then, seemingly unrelated, I’d get upset because he wasn’t affectionate with me how I wanted outside of the bedroom. Then I’d spiral and start to think “does he even really love me?” A whole dramatic mess. But, I’ve finally realized that that miserable cycle I was in was my own doing. These past couple months I’ve totally changed my perspective when it comes to sex. I’ve initiated much more frequently and I’ve stopped turning him down. And ladies, I have never seen this man so affectionate in my life. He even walked me to the front door this morning, kissed me and told me he loved me as I left for work. (In the past it would’ve been a yell “goodbye” while I’m walking out the door and he’s getting ready for work.) I’ve been craving that connection and affection so deeply and now I see clearly that I was the one standing in the way of getting it. It truly feels like we’re young again, love sick. I don’t have a question and I hope a post like this is ok to share. I’m just so happy and feel like I have my marriage back.",,388,robikn22,2023-11-13 14:40:35 RedPillWomen,17uoad9,Why does submitting make me love him more ?,"I want to follow him wherever he goes, it's like has a light, a sigh of relief to me. Since I have been following his leadership i see him differently, I not only want to make him happy, but i have foreign experience of safety. What's happening to me? did submitting to your man make you love him more? ",,55,FearlessStudy805,2023-11-13 23:28:59 RedPillWomen,17tzfrj,"Male acquaintance wants to ""hang out""","He's a good guy. But my boyfriend and I have a kind of agreement not to hang out 1 on 1 with the other sex unless their S/O is there. People say that seems controlling, but it just seems weird to us. Like we put time and effort into eachother and see it as kind of emotional cheating or just opening a possibility of complications that doesn't need to be there. My problem is how to say that without upsetting the dude? Again he was cool at work but I can't hang out like he's suggesting. It just doesn't feel appropriate. I'm thinking I'll just have to tell him like that but I was hoping someone had something that sounds better than the typical ""I have a boyfriend"" which he already knows. Also he's recently single and texted me at like 1 am asking whats up? I didnt answer until the next day when the sun was up. But it just had that vibe if you know what I mean. Thanks for reading!",,24,Lacholaweda,2023-11-13 01:27:42 RedPillWomen,17tof5b,Sex and spending time together…,"This year has been a total roller coaster for us. My husband went off the deep end and we separated. Then I found LD and the Empowered Wife which really helped us get back together two and a half months ago. Now that the dust has settled and things have calmed down, I realized that for the past year, I’m the one who initiates sex and pretty much everything we go do. We haven’t had sex in two weeks bc I haven’t initiated it. I haven’t been standoffish or anything just haven’t initiated sex. So, now that we are back into a routine or normal life, he’s falling asleep in front if the tv every night by 7:30 and snoring while I go to bed by myself. This was not what I had hoped for. Instead of a playful passionate relationship, I have a albeit much calmer, boring, snoring relationship. I can appreciate the calm but I’d like to do something else besides what we are currently doing. I could go somewhere myself which I thought about doing last night, but one of his previous complaints was that I wasn’t available to him and was with other people. That’s bc I didn’t want to spend my life in front of the tv set watching his shows and listening to him snore 🫠 He likes for me to be around without actually having to interact with me. I know this sounds like complaining bc it probably is, but I don’t know how to express any of this to him without making him irritated with me. I’ll probably cross post on surrendered wife too.",,21,SomberWinter13,2023-11-12 17:00:14 RedPillWomen,17tem4k,Men Become Aroused when Women Cry?,"I was recently reading an old post here called: ""*Back to the basics - are women capable of love?*"", in it the author wrote this: >When a woman cries and falls apart and her man helps hold her together, he will become s\*xually aroused (even if he'll try to hide it because it's inappropriate). Is this true? Do men become aroused by women crying or by comforting women who are crying? I tried looking for other posts about this on this Subreddit but could not find any. Does anyone know anything about this or have any personal experiences where you have seen your Captain become aroused when you cried?",,28,TheRedPilledLurker,2023-11-12 06:47:47 RedPillWomen,17t32ou,Restarting my life to save my marriage,"Hi. Excuse the dramatic title, Recently read the empowered wife, it’s done wonders for my relationship and continues to do so. Little Background: together for 15 years, 2 small children. I played out my trauma in my marriage, I’ve had a lot of anger at the world and men specifically. And an absolute refusal to trust anyone or anything. My ptsd symptoms just ran my life, and my family’s. I came from a chaotic family, I fell into a lot of belief systems that advocated for my behavior rather than what was actually kind, decent or good for my family. My husband is a literal angel. He didn’t start to break until the last few years, I’m so ashamed. I want to transform and become the wife he and our kids actually deserve. It’s felt for a long time like he has been a caretaker for my mental illness and it’s taken opportunities from us, taken years from us and our children. My husband has shed tears about what we have lost with our kids. That was it for me and I’ve been working on this for about 6 months. It’s like night and day, I can say that much. It’s been a little scary how wrong I’ve been. I have a lot of work ahead of me, but for the first time I feel Hopeful. Here is where I would like advice: 1. My friends. I can’t relate to them anymore. It worries me. They are all in that “child free” philosophy and all want to be the “fun wine aunt” which is all fine except whenever I’ve had marriage issues they have been very aggressive about “leave him, you don’t need a man” etc. My interests have shifted to what feels right in my soul(my kids, my marriage, my art), and I just don’t see them supporting any of it. They have been so loving through my ptsd stuff, but even that support in some ways made my issues worse. So much validation, but really no support in holding myself accountable. Has anyone gone through this? 2. I’m looking for books to read. Im looking to surround myself with media etc that supports my interests as a mother and a wife. Novels about beautiful romances or motherhood. Self help books. Shows/podcasts to listen to. I feel like everything about the world is screaming at me “but you’re strong and independent and don’t need anyone! Don’t be a submissive house wife robot! Be free” when honestly this is the first time I have EVER felt free. And I know it’s probably not the whole world but my corner of it has been that way. 3. Parenting. I’m looking for YouTube channels/podcasts etc about parenting. My husband grew up in a great family with siblings, my childhood was filled with violence of every kind. I’ve learned so much from him and his family. I want to immerse myself in good parenting education. I’m trying to take control of my growth and learning so he can relax and enjoy life, build his career etc instead of just taking care of me. 4. General advice and encouragement. I can’t stress enough how lucky I am to have my husband, he’s supporting me through everything. He has his own trauma, but he’s very intent on healing together. I want to finally honor that. The skills have felt like the first breath of fresh air I’ve ever taken. But again, my social circle is total opposite. They would scoff at all of it. If you made it this far reading, thank you. I never thought I would be here writing this.",,33,Single-Long-5668,2023-11-11 20:28:37 RedPillWomen,17tb2cc,Arguments from a red-pilled perspective?,"From young, I’ve had many inklings about life and relationships that red pill research has confirmed. That being said, I’ve been looking and can’t find anything on arguments. I was raised by a narcissist dad and an enabler mom and so arguments were basically the man who was supposed to love and protect me talking to me like someone out on the street. No respect for me as his daughter. It’s even been violent. That led me to actually vow to not argue. I know you can’t avoid conflict but I’d rather have a debate/discussion focused on a solution than the whole shouting match thing. even if it’s serious or urgent. I don’t make snarky remarks, nag, or initiate verbal attacks 90 percent of the time, so when someone I resent (mostly family) does it to me I get extremely nasty, possibly verbally abusive when we argue. When I don’t resent them I’m really good at the whole “I’d rather talk this out” “can we take a breather” or “I’m leaving this conversation if you can’t be respectful/not yell, etc.” thing. If that makes any sense. What is your take on arguments? My idea is that it makes great sense to debate as a couple, even if it gets a bit elevated but generally arguing is unacceptable. I feel like this also ties into shit-tests.",,4,SweetSecond5900,2023-11-12 03:00:50 RedPillWomen,17t4xhw,Implementing the 6Skills from the Empowered Wife book and hoping for some support!,"Hey y’all, I’m just a 30-something wife of a good Christian man and we have a 5 yr old daughter together… For the past 6.5 years of our marriage, things have been rollercoaster-y… We separated for 2 months our second year of marriage and separated for another 2 months this past summer.. I was desperate to figure out how to fix my marriage (I felt like my husband was distant, avoiding me, and tuning me out… It sucked, lol). Well I found Laura Doyle’s book The Empowered Wife this past August and really started strictly implementing the skills about 2 weeks ago. I am happier, my husband seems happier, our household is more peaceful - BUT - He still hasn’t started paying much more attention to me or seeking out time to spend with me yet… Part of me is concerned that I am not expressing my desires for this because I really don’t know exactly how to say it…?? Instead, as to not risk complaining or being disrespectful, I’ve been kind of quiet around him and just smile at him quite a bit.. LOL. Can someone help me for a true desire? Or… Is it just that I need to give it more time for him to eventually *want* to be with me again…? I honestly so badly need a group of like-minded women to talk regularly with about this… So many of my friends and family are not very encouraging when it comes to fighting for my marriage… Any help is appreciated!",,5,Kmc6634,2023-11-11 21:52:29 RedPillWomen,17syt7r,Desiring a good morning text,"I’ve been dating my man for 2.5 months (we have been official for a couple weeks). He is currently working abroad for the next 5 weeks (he travels for work about 3 months each year). He was doing really good with texting and sending me really sweet good morning texts but lately I have stopped getting good morning texts from him. He still texts me something usually but not good morning, because of the time difference I am 5-6 hours behind him so it seems like this would be relatively easy for him to pull off. Sometimes I beat him to it but especially the days he texts me a meme or something I wish there was a good morning included in this. I have an anxious attachment style which he knows about and I have expressed my desire a little, that I missed the good morning texts but I’m not sure he really registered it. My therapist thinks it would be really good for me to openly state this as something that would really help me feel secure and build a secure attachment for our relationship but I’m thinking of Laura Doyal and wondering how I can express this as a pure desire without being controlling. I know I’ve been advised that good morning texts can feel like a chore at a certain point for some men and I don’t want him to feel like that but it seems so low effort. I know he got aggravated the few times I expressed I was struggling with him not texting me as much or texting me back fast enough. He does have a demanding job where he doesn’t have much cell service (though enough to check Instagram and send me memes) and he does have to work pretty early in the morning. But today for instance, I know he is off with a 3 day weekend and he sent me a meme but no good morning text. He seemed a little disinterested on the phone last night but seemed really loving with me when he got off the phone with me. TL;DR: Am I unreasonable for desiring good morning texts in a long distance relationship? What would be a good way to make this request if they have fizzled out? He all around seems like an amazing and supportive guy otherwise but I won’t really know how things will be until he gets home as we only went on 5 dates before he left on this trip. We have spent countless hours on the phone and video chatting though.",,11,Emotional-Train-1928,2023-11-11 17:08:38 RedPillWomen,17spzl8,Attempting reconciliation while keeping traditional gender roles,"Hi ladies, My boyfriend and I are attempting reconciliation after an inappropriate incident on his part. r/asoneafterinfidelity and r/survivinginfidelity have been useful, but the advice does not really align with maintaining a traditional relationship which is very important to my boyfriend. So I'm wondering how I can combine some of the ideas of reconciliation with traditional values. I understand that the concept of reconciliation can feel almost emasculating as there is a slight power shift towards the betrayed partner (they now have the power to ask for things they feel will help with reconciliation and the wayward partner loses some of the ability to have the final say in decision making). I also understand that being traditional is very important to my boyfriend and my struggles to be a feminine partner (due to other relationship issues we've been trying to work on) led to negative feelings on his part which contributed to his behaviour. So how do I balance reconciliation, which requires more masculine behaviour, with being more traditional and feminine, which is important for my overall relationship but also more difficult for me now that I feel less able to submit to him. Is there any way to show submission/ femininity while also not deferring to his final decisions? Let me try to give specific examples. * Timeline/ Discussing the incident: * He feels that we've spoken about it enough and there's nothing new to discuss. He feels that my need for further discussions is more of a punishment than anything productive. I think here it's an issue of male vs female communication. I still don't feel he's given me any proper answers or really understands how I'm feeling or anything I say. For example, I've said during these discussions that I'm getting close to the end. In our latest argument I told him I don't want to do this anymore and he's getting close to his final chances. His response was that I hadn't made it clear to him that he was getting close to his final chances and he would have appreciated more warning. How could I have communicated this in a way he as a man would understand? And how can I communicate more effectively to him in the future? * He also says that our discussions have rarely been proper sit down ones. I've tried asking him when he has time for this but he doesn't really given an answer or he'll go back to the previous point of ""we've spoken about it enough and I have more important things to do right now (working)"". Do I need to take a firmer more masculine route for this instead of waiting for him to tell me when he has time? * Open phone policy: * He's extremely uncomfortable with this and doesn't think it's necessary. He says he's entitled to his privacy especially as he has bank emails on his devices (I've assured him this isn't what I wanted to look at) and that he doesn't do anything on his devices other than work. I admittedly lost my cool at his refusal and he commented that he didn't want to encourage my behaviour and the final answer was no. * I'm sure at this point I wouldn't be able to find anything anyways and I understand his feelings surrounding privacy (as I share the same feelings) so do I accept his ""no"" + apologize for losing my cool (submission) while also maybe asking for something else in return? (masculine/ reconciliation but also as a 'compromise' which is a point towards submission). The bottom line is that I don't know what to do and he doesn't know what to do. He seems to think it's not a big deal and that I'll manage to get over it. I know that managing your expectations is important in preventing resentment but I'm honestly really sick of just constantly trying to get over and accept things. I'm also not thrilled at the idea of spending the next few years trying to improve our relationship because ""it's not as bad as it could be"" according to my boyfriend. This really isn't the vision I had for my life but I'm also worried about being too selfish/ childish here. The sad thing is that I'm pretty sure I could just get over it. I could just continue on like before. I could just push myself to give him the things he wants and the relationship is supposed to have. Maybe I'd even learn to be happy. But I selfishly don't want to let him off without consequences. I just want him to try. But I can't seem to get the balance between reconciliation and femininity right to encourage him. Or maybe I'm just too jaded to really see and appreciate any efforts he's making? I'm running out of ideas and he also isn't sure what to do. So here I am once again turning towards you ladies for any proposals. I am determined to give absolutely everything I have before thinking of walking away. Also I know this would be the best option but neither of us have the money or time for MC or IC. Our previous couple's counsellor really wasn't helpful. I could maybe borrow some money for MC but this wouldn't be ideal so I'd rather try other things first.",,9,West_Army_160,2023-11-11 08:10:45 RedPillWomen,17s81ir,Serious mommy issues,"I am the only daughter to a mother who is the most opposite of any red pill woman. She’s not feminine in the slightest, and has gotten in between my relationships with men. Think like angry feminist Karen. She’s miserable, but will never admit it. So I’ve never had a mom to show me the ropes so to speak about what it means to actually be a woman in this world. And ofc, because like mother like daughter I am the same lol. I’m in therapy, which is helping, but at the same time I just can’t get over “always wanting a mommy” to even focus on the opposite sex. Because my needs with my mom were and never will be met.",,35,christy0717,2023-11-10 16:42:52 RedPillWomen,17seng7,I need help to make my bias go away,"Hello women! i need help because i'm a super biased girl, and i feel like this is the best place to get help, i hate how i have an inner voice inside of me that makes me hate men for no reason and think they are monsters or mostly monsters, i hate how a voice inside of me makes me wanna side with women no matter what, but thankfully I don't do anything harmful in reality, but i hate being biased, i feel like it makes me evil, and i know being traumatized isn't an execuse, so any help to make this bias go away? or any eye-opening topic to me that can help? i just wanna be like the normal women in the past who weren't angry illogical feminists, even tho i'm not a feminist but it seems like feminism is a disease.. *sighs* so any help? especially that this bias makes me super angry and ruins many aspects in my life like relationship with male fam members, but i make sure to be justice too, i just hate the feeling, so it would be good to give tips!",,5,GEWEEKEKA,2023-11-10 21:43:53 RedPillWomen,17s9omq,My ex-boyfriends best friend/roommate dm'd me on IG hitting on me...,"My(F27) ex-boyfriends(M27) roommate/bestfriend(M27) randomly followed me on Instagram today. My ex and I broke up two months ago.. (he dumped me for another girl) after dating a year and a half. The breakup was very messy. I hurt him by taking time for myself away from the relationship months ago, when I came back and was fully ready to be with him he was sneaking around with another girl who he'd been talking to the entire relationship. I went through his phone while we were ""working on the relationship"" and found out he was lying and cheating. His roommate heard a lot of our business being that he was one room over and once walked in on me yelling at my ex the day I found out he slept with someone else.. completely toxic and I am happy to be out the situation. Anyway, his roommate was always around and I spent a decent amount of time with him. I know that he has been in a relationship with a very nice girl who I was cordial with for at least 8 months could be longer I am not sure, just going off the timeline when I remembered meeting her. After my ex and I broke up, I went on hinge to try to move on and matched with a guy who I did not know at the time but is actually close friends with the roommate, even closer than my ex. It didn't go anywhere since I was so fresh off such a shit relationship. We went on two dates and he tried to pursue me but I was very honest about feeling emotionally unavailable and didn't think it would be a good idea to continue to see each other. When I was going through my break up there were a few times I thought about reaching out to the other girl my ex was involved with. It just felt so unfair... her and I were getting two different stories, two different sides, he was telling me they were ""just friends"" LOL. Telling her I was his crazy ex.. it was a nightmare and so toxic. I thought about reaching out to her to find out the truth, and so she could know the truth as well. But ultimately I let it go since we were breaking up, and I felt like it wouldn't serve a purpose most likely she'd take his word over mine. Today, I get a follow on Instagram, it's my ex's roommate. As soon as I accept the request he messages me ""Now that you are single I can tell you that you are sexy af\*drool emoiji\*""... I was shocked. This guy has no loyalty at all.. I responded ""Don't you have a girlfriend?"" and immediately he unsent the message, unfollowed me, and removed me from his followers. Now I feel super uncomfortable in this situation and I don't know how to handle it or if I should just leave it be. I think the right thing to do is to respectfully message his GF and say hey look I got this message \*insert screenshot\* I am so sorry. But I'm not sure if that's the right call because I don't want to stir the pot or cause drama around my name. How would you handle this??",,4,nottobedramaticbuht,2023-11-10 17:56:14 RedPillWomen,17rxryf,What makes a woman classy?,I’ve come across women from different walks of life and from different age groups who excuse grace and elegance but I can’t seem to put my finger on what it is that they’re doing right. What in your opinion makes a woman classy? And what are some dos and don’ts pertaining to the same?,,34,Global_Moose_1991,2023-11-10 06:11:48 RedPillWomen,17riwex,Is it better to invest on a Masters Degree or Plastic Surgery?,"I am in my early 30s and I earn around 60K per year. I live at home and currently saving either for a Masters Degree or Plastic Surgery. I get a lot of dates with successful men like doctors and dentists. They just want sex but none want to commitment due to my lack of schooling or attractiveness. How do I level up? I am planning to move to a different state with better men to choose from. But I need a higher salary to do so. I am deciding on what to do with my next step. If I jump to do a masters I will finish when I’m 36. If I get plastic surgery I will be 33. Update: I never slept with this guy ",,58,playersexposed,2023-11-09 18:00:35 RedPillWomen,17rol27,It’s possible to fall in love twice with the same man?,"You fell in love with a man when you two where pretty young. Everything was perfect and beautiful, he is the most intelligent person you ever met, caring, romantic and fit. But eventually, you start noticing that the love cards, attention for little things and worry for his physical appearance disappear. You are still writing love letters, going to the gym to present him the best sexual version of yourself, satisfying him before your needs and thinking about incredible gifts to give him in his birthday. It has been 5 years, you are in your twienties and notice that you just gave him things too easy along your relationship. He is just used to you and comfortable in monotony. You start feeling disconnected, you are becoming two totally different beings, but damn, you still love him. Then comes inner anger, sadness, negotiation and acceptance, he just isn’t going change bc you made him too comfortable. The reality is that the only way that he is going to do so is if you leave him bc man only learn though trauma, and that’s a universal truth. But think about how bad it would be to see three moths later the perfect man that you wanted in him, with another woman by his side? Enjoying what you made the effort to build. Hard uh? So you decide to communicate, wait patiently and stay. He knows that you are doubting and what are the thing that makes you feel bad. But he doesn’t change them or is not enough. Maybe you communicate them too late. Inevitably, you have lost illusion and kinda fell out of love. Maybe it’s because you are in love with what you one day had and not with what is now, but there is still something inside of you that wants it to work. It’s posible to fell in love back with the same man? How?",,5,Hot_Doubt5379,2023-11-09 22:13:56 RedPillWomen,17rn6wg,Is this a red flag?,"Hello all, Bf and I have been together for about a year. Everything’s going great, he’s 9 years older, we met thru work (we do social media and work together). He’s been masculine, taking care of me to the best of his ability, etc. Because he’s older, he often talks about how he wants kids, etc. and of course many months ago we started talking about these things, and I left it clear that I’d only move in with a guy if I have a ring on my finger + wedding date. Super unusual for him as he’s lived with two girlfriends in the past and his country is far from traditional. However he said he wants to marry me many months ago and soon we are going to visit my family in my home country and hes going to tell them our plans/ask for my hand. I don’t live him but do have to work at his house (without going into detail) and so I inevitably spend a lot of time/nights there. It’s almost like I live there sometimes which I do not like at all but I cannot help. We cook and clean for each other, which is fine but does make me feel like I’m playing wifey. He’s always asking me to stay more nights, which I don’t as I am paying rent in my studio and again, don’t want to play wifey when I’m gf. My contract for the studio ends this December (this is when he will speak to parents also). And I have to extend it another 6 months. I let him know about it, and frankly I think it’s great to wait another 6 months before moving together (which again I wouldn’t do without a ring). He said despite him always telling me to stay more etc, that 6 months is fine and part of the natural Course of things. He’s implied that that will be my last contract renewal/aka he will propose then. Of course if he doesn’t I will seriously reconsider everything and most likely leave, because I don’t want to be taken for a ride. However is this a red flag? On one side a lot of people think we are moving too fast, he’s told his family in joking around moments that we’ll have a wedding in 2025, and we’ve only been together a year, after all. And I think now it’s soon and 6 months are fine. But on the other side I think of all these girls on social media who always insist that if the guy really wants to marry you he’ll do it asap. We’re extremely busy right now with work, but at the same time I wonder if he wouldn’t have just proposed right after talking to my parents and not have me extend the contract? I wanted to extend it of course but I also question things now. Am i overthinking as I tend to do? I also don’t want to pressure anyone but I don’t want to waste my time either. Though if he follows up with his implications of proposing 1.5 years after we started dating, that’s not wasting my time, and we do talk about marriage often and he’s going to speak to my parents in another country. Idk, this just made me overthink things a bit, he’s really overwhelmed and stressed with work, and we are in a good position right now (again I think the timing is good, I just don’t know if his behavior is a red flag.) thoughts? Thank you! Edit: thank you all for the replies. He actually brought up this topic recently and said he really wished we could just live together already, and not have to extend the contract so long, but that first he wants to talk to my parents, and asked me if he thinks we should just do it right after that or wait this last extension, and we both concluded to just wait one last extension so that we don’t have to hurry everything, etc. ",,1,Consistent_Sleep_341,2023-11-09 21:13:06 RedPillWomen,17qphgu,How do Men Want to be Seen as Physically Attractive?,"From my experience, the one who is usually supposed to be seen as physically attractive and visually sultry is always the woman: Makeup, nice clothes, lingerie, visual flirting, flashing, lap dances and stripteases, etcetera - as men are more visual than women. I have often seen posts of women who are very hurt by the fact that their husbands do not seem to find them physically attractive or hot anymore. I had never really considered that men also might want to be seen as “hot” physically by their wives until a little while ago. I was reading a Reddit thread by a woman who was asking for advice about how to help her husband get in the mood. One male commenter gave her advice: “*Glaze at him as if you were obsessed with him and need and want him s\*xually like you cannot live or breathe without feeling him or tasting him; as if you were utterly devoted and enamoured with him. Like he is a movie star or musician or famous footballer, and you are his biggest diehard fan; like he is the king of his own country that is a safe paradise for you. Stroke him and caress him as you stare at him like he is the best thing since sliced bread – very, very softly and sensually.*” I do not know if there is any Red Pill Women literature on this but I had never really thought about how men would like to be looked at by their wives until I read this. Some how - and I cannot really describe it - his comment struck me very deeply, as if it just seemed right? Later on I was listening to another Reddit story. It was written by a man who had never fancied monogamy; however one day he accidentally walked in on his friend and his wife going at it in the kitchen. They did not see him but he did seem them. He said he saw the way the women was looking at her husband and it instantly made him see his life of polygamy as empty. He said that in that moment he rethought his entire life and now desperately wanted a monogamous relationship with a woman who would look at him as she was looking at her husband. Clearly the visual of seeing women attracted to them means a lot to men? Later still I watched a compilation video on Youtube of women reacting to men with toned muscular bodies – nothing too big. The women were staring and feeling their abs or arms and sometimes even licking their torsos. The men seemed to be enjoying it and there were lots of men in the comments who said they wished women would look at them as the women in the video looked at the fit men. I feel like I have had my mind opened a little bit. What are your thoughts? * How should women look at their captains? * Should it be genuine or should they try to fake it? * How do you look at your captain or find him physically attractive? * How do men really feel about it? Have any or your captains told you what they like? * How does the male sense of wanting to feel attractive compare to women’s? \[Also this Subreddit just hit 70,000 members!\]",,48,TheRedPilledLurker,2023-11-08 16:31:42 RedPillWomen,17pyg8y,"""The way to a man's heart is through his stomach""","In the past I've seen a lot of young women come on here that are similar to how I was: They're overwhelmed by the idea of learning how to cook. I'm here to be honest with you all this was me. My anxiety took hold of me and for the longest time I avoided cooking, even a couple years into my marriage. &#x200B; I want to give a bit of my story so that it may encourage some young ladies because I never really saw anyone struggling with this in the way I did. Yeah, recipes are easily accessible and yeah, you can learn literally everything from the Internet these days (which is how I eventually learned) but when you make something Big in your head it is just hard to overcome it. Luckily I realized along the way that there is ample motivation in learning to cook despite how much I hated it. &#x200B; I always wanted to be a homemaker. I loved the idea of curating a home while my husband went off and worked to bring in income because I personally don't enjoy being in the workforce. A huge part of creating this domestic lifestyle for my husband and I of course...was [cooking](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/pmgczd/back_to_basics_september_the_wife_tests_part_1/). &#x200B; When I met my husband I could make two dishes. That's literally it. He on the other hand was an amazing cook and followed a healthy, balanced diet religiously. This just made me build that wall up in my head even higher. Nothing I could make would be as good as what he cooked anyway! But he always wanted me to take on the kitchen duties (he didn't push or berate but he teased me and even straight up asked me many many times). This really plays into creating a [soft place to land](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/pu41u9/back_to_basics_september_the_essential_duties_of/). If you picture a warm and inviting home chances are you see delicious home cooked food on the table! &#x200B; Finally I could no longer justify avoiding it. I stopped working and went back to school. With arguably more free time I didn't have any reasonable case to justify my husband continuing to cook so begrudgingly I started to learn (we are talking 'learn to peel garlic' learn). I think I was about 26 when this happened, and had been married two years. &#x200B; My husband absolutely loved it. Didn't matter how basic it was, he complimented my food and usually went back for seconds. He bragged to his friends and family about it. I can honestly say as odd as it sounds our relationship improved after I started cooking! Not that it was bad before but it was clear to me this made him feel more appreciated and loved than anything else I could do for him. It took a lot of pressure off of him to no longer worry about meal planning and prepping since he was already spending so much mental energy at work providing for our family. I saw this common advice play out in my life and now I wish I had learned to cook sooner! &#x200B; Now after cooking for some time and getting plenty of experience with different dishes it's so much easier, and honestly even enjoyable. I genuinely love cooking now and I've started working on making more things from scratch (sourdough, spreads, canning, etc). It's a blast! I'm really proud of what I can do to provide my family with good food.So try to make that overwhelmingly large wall shorter in your head. Just dive in and do your best instead of beating yourself down. Cooking is a skill not an innate talent which means you can learn it and you can hone it! &#x200B; **Some practical tips:** * If you're not sure of anything seriously just Google it no matter how dumb the question seems to you. * Clean as you go so the mess isn't overwhelming at the end. If you're waiting for something to cook on the pan before flipping it over just load up some dishes or tidy the space. It makes life so much easier. * Follow recipes until you get a feel for what flavors go well together, how long to cook meats for etc. I get a lot of my recipe ideas from YouTube and I tend to go for ones that are meant as which weeknight meals because the ingredients are easy to find and the steps are simple. * Eventually you'll learn what ingredients you use a lot of. Stock up on these! It's always nice to have staples on hand. For example I use a *lot* of diced tomatoes, canned coconut milk, and beans. * If you want to track the calorie information you can use MyFitnessPal's recipe feature to web search what online recipe you're using. You choose the serving size and it divides the ingredients for you for an accurate calorie count (husband and I tend to eat more than what counts as a serving on the websites lol). **Some sources I love for yummy recipes easy for beginners:** r/eatcheapandhealthy r/slowcooking r/mealprepsunday Julia Pacheco on YouTube/online Cooking with Claudia on YouTube Farmhouse on Boone on YouTube/online The All recipes website The Taste of home website",,55,Doom-Vixen,2023-11-07 16:42:57 RedPillWomen,17pprem,Staying feminine during adversity,"I feel like being feminine comes easily to me when I’m in a good place in life, mentally and physically. Tough times tend to bring out a very masculine side of me where I can lose my cool and be ruthless. I’d like to know how you go about dealing with failure, rejection and the lows in a feminine way.",,35,Global_Moose_1991,2023-11-07 08:29:10 RedPillWomen,17pyyu1,Something different from “I hear you”?,"What do you say besides I hear you that means the same thing? My husband says “I hear ya” to me in a somewhat dismissive way, so I think that’s what that means to him. Sometimes I will say “Wow, interesting” but he may be tired of hearing that lol",,6,SomberWinter13,2023-11-07 17:05:40 RedPillWomen,17p6ewq,Damaged sex life,I have recently started applying the six intimacy skills by Laura Doyle. It has already helped tremendously but I'm curious as how to help with the sexual aversion on my end that has been created by his aggression in the past (he is no longer aggressive). I felt like I had to be intimate with him in moments I did not want to because he was my husband and now I pull away from him a lot when he tries to be flirty or sexy with me. It makes me cringe and I'm wondering if any of you have been in this situation and what you did to overcome or help it?,,24,Routine-Pickle7991,2023-11-06 16:19:59 RedPillWomen,17ow1ke,I am obsessed with my husband but he no longer is with me.,"Back when we were dating and first 4~ years of marriage, my husband seemed obsessed with me and I was riding a high like no other. Now, 5 years in, i feel like I’m the only one obsessed with him, and while he cares for and loves me, it’s just not the same anymore. My previous post goes into a bit more of our relationship dynamic. I don’t know what the answer is. How do I stop feeling like my world is falling apart every time he doesn’t act the way he used to? I love him so much but I just don’t feel that he cares enough to make me happy how he used to anymore. I’ll give an example for the sake of putting this into perspective. We spent the afternoon together. We came home, relaxed on the couch. He put something on the TV and was on his phone for two hours, not making conversation. I stayed there just to be near him. Finally I got tired of waiting for him to engage with me so I got up and left to another room. He tried making conversation at that point but I was over it. Two more hours later he heads to bed, tried again to warm up to me. It makes me feel like a microwave dinner he can reheat whenever he wants. I left the room. We were briefly attending marriage counseling but had to put it on pause for the time being. I just don’t know how I’ll live the rest of my life remembering the relationship we used to have compared to what it is now. He’s always been an early riser and used to check on me sleeping at least once or twice. He no longer does that. He used to really empathize when I cried/felt a strong emotion. Now I look into his eyes and wish I could find the man I married . I love him so much that it hurts and I just want it to be like it used to. I used to feel like nothing in this world could affect me because I had him and the love he felt for me. I don’t feel that way anymore.",,66,abetterwifesomeday,2023-11-06 05:50:48 RedPillWomen,17p597u,What do i do when he dont make me orgasmed?,"I met a great guy who have red pill qualities. Been dating for 1 and a half year, we talked about marriage. But he just cant make me cum. He tried going down on me and i let him but nothing.. i find him attractive and he turned me on so much but i dont know how to talk to him about this. I usually just fake it to not bruise his ego but i know this will make me frustrated and resent him. Please let me know how do i talk to him without hurting his feelings. 😢",,9,Embarrassed_Force565,2023-11-06 15:27:35 RedPillWomen,17p3x5p,Where do we go from here,"My husband and I have been together for 3.5 years. We have a 5 month old baby. When we got together we were both very in the red pill mindset, as that being a goal for a traditional relationship. We both have flaws. I did not grow up in a redpill/traditional household and I definitely need to work more on not nagging him, not getting annoyed with his decisions, and being more positive and happy to be around. I run into a lot of issues with this because he also did not grow up in a traditional household and has his own issues that we've identified together. I'm having a hard time moving forward because of resentments I've built up over his lackluster relationship performance. He recently came clean about lying about smoking weed and watching porn. Which was fine, I told him I wouldn't be made if he told me the truth and I'm honestly not mad, mostly because I already knew he was lying about these things so it wasn't news to me. I'm having a hard time with our views on family life aligning. He wants to push and push to do his hobby which involves him traveling for half of the weekends of the summer, and leaves me at home with the baby and the dogs to take care of. He covers all the bills currently, I work very very part time when I can. I feel like he doesn't prioritize saving for a house or having a safety net. We agreed I would only work 40 hours a week in years 1 through 3 of our relationship so I could do all the cooking and cleaning and care of the dogs, and he could save for a house. No money got saved for a house even though he was working tons of overtime. We have no savings. He has 2 car payments totally 1300 a month, one of the cars he only drives a handful of times a year. I've tried to talk with him about how it doesn't make sense to pay for a car he almost never drives when were trying to save but he does not agree. He means well and is a very caring father and partner in many ways, but I am entirely burnt out being the mother, wife, chef, dog walker, house cleaner, part time worker, oh and I'm also trying to take over a family business so I can bring the baby to work with me. I feel like I'm hitting my head against a wall with someone who is not on the same page as me in reality, but told me when we got together that we had the same values and goals. There's a part of me at this point that just wants to get divorced, but I don't want my child to come from a broken home. I also don't want to find another husband and start all over again with a blended family. How do I proceed? Do I just accept we may live in an apartment forever? I'll never be seen being burnt out and begging for help and just have to keep on doing everything in a life setting that's not what I wanted to work for? Do we just get divorced?",,9,constantly_in_motion,2023-11-06 14:27:06 RedPillWomen,17p4is3,Is my(22f) boyfriend(25m) too comfortable?,"A better title: DID MY BOYFRIEND FAIL HIS MISSION AS PROTECTOR THIS TIME? The other day I cancelled plans with him last minute because of my parents, they where mad at me and wouldn't walk the dog so I had to go home and do it. I live with them. He is very upset which I understand. He told me he feels I dont respect his time. That night I was very upset because of issues in the family. My boyfriend has no compassion for these things so I dont talk about it with him anymore. I have tried explaining how he could support me emotionally but he doesn't seem to understand. The day after I cancelled on him I texted him and told him I was feeling really sad and unwell. He knew that something was wrong since the night before. At 10.00 i text him to meet me, I told him I could meet him at a place I knew hw would meet a friend at. He was meeting his friend four hours later. He tells me he cant because it's too stressfull. I told him I would be at a mall nearby his house and he texts me later and asks if I would like him to come over to the mall and hang out with me for 1h-30min. I was so mad that I told him not to bother. He told me he could come there since it is so close to his house anyways. The energy was off. It wasn't ""you are sad and I need to check on you"", it was ""i might as well since you are so close by."". When i confronted him about this he told me he was unable to give me the comfort I needed since he was still irritated about me cancelling on him the day before. Is it just me or is this very odd behaviour for a man who is seeking a traditional relationship. He wants me to be submissive, feminine and cling to him for my every need. I have tried my best to be feminine and submissive, it doesn't always come easy following his lead and trusting that he makes the right decision. As an example my best friend and I were supposed to visit a thrid friend in the city she lives in. My boyfriend didn't like this idea because this third friend has guy friends and he didn't want me to visit her since I may see those guy friends. I didn't think it was reasonable but i complied and told my friend she could go without me. So I expect him to provide me with confort and care in the way I need it. I expect him to show up for me when I need it. Instead he let his feelings come in the way... I didn't even cancel our plans because I wanted to, I cancelled because my parents wouldn't let me go... Am I supposed to not be a submissive daughter while unmarried and then be a submissive wife when married? Does this make sense? When I texted him and told him I need him he wasn't there. I even texten that I was roaming around the city because I didn't want to be home because of my parents always yelling at med. He knew this and didn't even offer a comforting text... Am I overreacting?",,0,Immediate-Seat-5632,2023-11-06 14:54:36 RedPillWomen,17oknrz,Advice on building female friendships,"Since puberty, I (26f) have really struggled to form close, lasting friendships with women. Some part of this is that I’m neurodivergent. So most of my friendships tend to be with other high functioning neurodivergent people, and there are just a lot more men in that group than women. However, when I do befriend women, I find that over time the friendship becomes pretty one-sided, with most of the enthusiasm / desire to spend time coming from me. Some of the problem, I’m sure, has to do with me being bad at carrying conversations and knowing how and when to ask more personal questions. Could make it tiring for whoever I’m with. I suspect another part of it is that I often get slotted into a “patient” role. I’ve got a lot of mental health issues and a history of trauma. I make a real effort not to talk about it very often (and to have a good time / be positive with others even when I’m struggling!), but it always comes out with my female friends eventually because they *always* ask (and then follow up on it!). After some time, I suspect they feel like they have to take care of me and can’t lean on me for support in their own lives. I hate this ^ dynamic and don’t know what to do about it. It’s made it so hard to have close friendships. Does anyone have advice? Do these things remind you of anyone you know in your own life? Please tell it to me straight. I would really appreciate some outside takes on this kind of thing, or suggestions about what I could be doing and how to improve, if anyone has ideas.",,21,SunRose42,2023-11-05 20:17:23 RedPillWomen,17o7bcq,What is your Preference for Male Body Type?,"A little while ago I was reading an old post here and it mentioned that generally speaking women were attracted to men who looked strong and then specifically mentioned muscles and a six pack as facets of looking strong. I thought that this made sense for several reasons: 1. Men having muscles requires dedication and consistency, both of which are good qualities in a leader 2. They look/are strong, and strength is an attractive quality in a leader 3. He clearly thinks about and looks after his health and fitness; so he might also became as concerned about his girlfriend/wife’s health and well being 4. It is less likely he will “let himself go” after marriage 5. People who workout tend to age better in terms of appearance 6. If he keeps it up into old age he is less likely to become physically frail as frailty is caused by age + inactivity 7. It is very masculine I am sure there are other reasons too but those were the 7 I thought of immediately. Recently I was in another subreddit and I read a post asking women what they thought of men with six packs and they were very negative. The most common responses were: * Nice to look at but I would not want to date someone with one * I prefer to have a man with cushion * He will probably spend too much time in the gym * He is probably vain and self-obsessed • 6 packs are unnatural and do not look good * Too intimidating * You can only get abs if you are unhealthily obsessed * Too much muscle is “gross” It was not a redpill sub, so a lot of them would have had different values for how they see men which might explain the difference; however it could be that lots of us here have the same opinions and it was just the original posts I read that were in the minority. What are your thoughts? What is the male body type you find most attractive? 1. Shredded (muscles, no drugs) 2. Bulked (muscles + mass) 3. Toned 4. Skinny 5. Underweight 6. Overweight 7. Obese 8. Morbidly obese 9. Do not care 10. Other Also what to you think about asking your captain to workout more or less so he has a body you prefer? How would you feel about him asking you to exercise more or less? Edit: I know that shredded physiques are often not healthy, I am just asking for your physical preferences. Also assume no drugs, all natural.",,43,TheRedPilledLurker,2023-11-05 08:12:35 RedPillWomen,17npzio,What to do after the first date?,"I just had a date with guy 2 days ago. It was our first time meeting in person after knowing each other for 4 days. It was great date. He doesn’t date often, and I’m trying this new RP way of dating. We both agreed that we prefer talking in person instead of texting, but he stills makes an effort to check in on me (I think it’s cute). Our conversation just doesn’t flow through text like it does in person. How do I keep him engaged until our next date? I already told him I want to see him again, and he agreed to do something within 7 days. I just don’t know if I can keep up the text convo for that long, and I don’t want give him the ick lol For our first date, I made it pretty clear that I wanted him to ask me out. Thankfully, he got the hint and planned the date. Should I plan the second one? Update: looks like I was nervous for no reason because I just got a text from him planning our second date! 🤣",,18,Delilahr,2023-11-04 16:59:22 RedPillWomen,17nem3y,Cooking for boyfriend.,"Hi everyone. So my (f26) boyfriend (m28) has suggested that he would like for me to cook for him more. I have cooked for him (well us really because it was dinner time and I am making my dinner) a few times when he has come over to my place but now he is suggesting me to cook at his place (him buying the groceries ofc) more often. Should I do this? I love cooking and really enjoy it but, I know that cooking moves more into wife territory therefore, I don’t want to give a boyfriend wife treatment… Edit: THANKS for all the responses. they are all really helpful. I know relationships are trial and error, I just don’t want to do TOO much and find myself in the non-commitment bubble. ",,19,Swimming-Ad-4410,2023-11-04 05:15:16 RedPillWomen,17n6n6l,Being the goddess of fun and light… when you aren’t feeling it,"So, LD talks a lot about being the goddess of fun and light. How do we be that when we aren’t feeling it? Sometimes, you just want to be like “whatever” …. 🫠",,20,patchouliflowers,2023-11-03 22:16:16 RedPillWomen,17n8myw,How can I be more social and feminine?,"I am very much an introvert and apparently do a lot of “masking” (aka hide my true personality and be who I think others want to fit in better). So a mixture of both just causes me to be exhausted any time I need to socialize. I end up avoiding as much socialization as possible and it’s affecting my dating life. It’s a bad way to live and also a bad look. I feel like an outsider around women especially. I want so badly to be a typical woman that has a close circle of friends and does all the planning/organizing/get togethers. Is there a way to train my social battery? Is there a trick to make close friends? I am in therapy, but I’m really more looking for hacks and tricks, or advice.",,13,Justadumbagent,2023-11-03 23:48:26 RedPillWomen,17nbv8l,Advice on safe/modest dating?,"I feel like this may be the most helpful sub because it will understand my modest (maybe prude) upbringing. I’m 24 and have never been in a relationship, I came to the US and started establishing an independent life here. I have a desire to start dating and potentially find a husband and I know I’m quite late on that for a 24 year old, but I still am very concerned on safety and modesty if I’m honest. I’d like to save myself for marriage and I’m only interested in serious relationships. Do you think I’ll have a chance trying dating apps like bumble? Or should I keep focusing on myself until I meet someone spontaneously? What are some general safety rules I should follow other than not giving your location",,6,stellaok,2023-11-04 02:31:08 RedPillWomen,17mt3td,How much have you changed your style for your partner?,"I’m very interested in hearing from other women on how and if they’ve changed their personal style for their partner? What was your style before, what is it now? How did the whole process make you feel? Do you regret it or feel happier? I changed my style to something more preppy/basic for my husband, it’s quite opposite from my original style (black monochrome with hints of colour). Feeling unsure about it but want advise and experiences from women in this sub.",,16,mishkaforest235,2023-11-03 11:40:47 RedPillWomen,17n9ky9,My period doesn't come yet,7 days from now. Didn't have intercourse in a long time and I have been very regular on the periods so this for me is an abnormal situation. I have my doubts on go the gynecologist yet so I want to ask to the ladies here if this had happened to you in the past and I should have be worried by now 🤔,,0,Direct-Ad-5394,2023-11-04 00:33:22 RedPillWomen,17mkk4o,Perspectives on priorities from a RPW POV?,"My life is in [City]. All of it, now. It's where my parents are almost certain to die, when they do; it's where I live and work; it's where I'm finally some degree of happy after a long period of struggling to fit in. I don't know that I can leave. So I don't know that I can entertain suitors who don't have strong ties here. Like, so strong that when we promise each other commitment, what we're promising each other is here. Even after what I hope are 20 more years with my parents here, I still won't be able to promise I can leave because what I do is pretty specialized. We'd have to look for somewhere that they're hiring for what I do, or I'd have to start over. Again. Now that I've finally found real peace in *one* part of my life. Like I've figured out what God meant me to be doing. But when I think about that, I think, ""Oh, no. I'm putting my career before my potential Captain's happiness."" And then I feel sick. Because it feels like I have to choose between having a career, and the security that brings me, and the uncertainty of a husband. The reason I'm so against a 100% provider for myself? Men die. Men divorce us. And men discover the urge to live out the rest of their days in places I could never, would never, follow them. Is it okay to put your foot down about where you need to live to be happy and secure? How many of you have done just that? If you're a man, would you be able to tolerate that if you loved her? TIA for any wisdom you can offer. Laying this one at the foot of the masters.",,0,diaryofalostgirl,2023-11-03 02:18:19 RedPillWomen,17luwxk,Regarding Body Count and not being a Virgin,"I’m 25 years old. There was a point in my life where I only wanted to persevere sex for relationships. This isn’t an excuse to do what I did but I eventually went through a phase of my mental health spiraling and got into casual situations. My count is 7 but I’m wondering if that would be too high and undesirable for men especially if traditional to consider me as a potential partner. I even dated two men where the situation didn’t end well for me or that I settled for whatever they were willing to give me and it’s just really messed me up a lot mostly from the first guy. I just feel like because of my poor dating history and body count, I’d be seen as used and damaged. I just wanted to get this off my chest and to hopefully bring some relatability to anyone who wants to see other’s insights. Based on what’s said in men’s spaces, I don’t deserve any grace just because I’ve “learned my lesson” and that now it’s wrong to have the next man wait.",,25,Waxflower8,2023-11-02 03:49:48 RedPillWomen,17lg75w,Is it masculine to buy concert tickets for a guy I’m dating?,"Im 23f and have dated 26m for about 2 months now. He always paid for everything such as nice dinners, very girly exhibitions that I asked to see with him, drives me every where, sends Ubers if he’s too tired to drive e etc. He’s extremely busy and always has a lot going on throughout the day. I asked him if he liked this artist and he said yes, and that he’s up for it. The date is very soon and I’m scared that the tickets will sell out - so I decided to just buy both. I already know that he’s going to drive us there anyway and we will eat before. I already know that guys in his industry are generous but skeptical of being used. I think I already proved to him that I genuinely like him because I started hanging out with him at our places. How do I go about showing him our tickets without sounding patronizing or masculine. Would a provider mentality man even be offended or just see it as me being nice?",,12,stayathomedaughter8,2023-11-01 16:36:08 RedPillWomen,17lbglm,How can I have him understand that he hurt me without “nagging”,"Hi beautiful ladies. I am seeking advice on how to compose myself when he has done something to disappoint me. I express how hurt I am, but this always backfires. He tells me to stop being “bad vibes” and that he’s not enjoying speaking to me. So what can I do better? Perhaps he doesn’t enjoy talking to me when I do this because I am criticising him? Is that the issue here? (When you did X it made me feel Y and affected me like Z. And that’s too “bad vibes” because I’m talking about my pain and “blaming” him. Is this the issue? I shouldn’t blame or criticise him for hurting/disappointing me?) I *want* to let it go, but I then feel like he wasn’t held accountable. That he “got away” with upsetting me with no consequences. **So how can I have him understand that he hurt me without “nagging”.** I get the impression that he’s trying to say, “I already understand how hurt you are, stop going on about it”. But I feel like he doesn’t understand, that’s what frustrates me! How can I make him understand? Or maybe he _does_ understand and I am unsatisfied with his response. I want him to fix things, but I don’t want to *beg* him to fix things. But I want him to know that I want him to fix things… I don’t want to be unattractive when I do this. How can I handle this in a feminine way? Thanks in advance.",,11,pinkmwah,2023-11-01 12:54:30 RedPillWomen,17lbidz,Tips for getting ready quickly,"My husband has asked me to simplify my morning routine, so I can get ready in less than 30 minutes. Currently, it takes me a little over an hour to shower, dry and style my hair, apply makeup and get dressed. I’ve tried getting up earlier so I’m all ready by the time my husband gets up, but the noise of me getting out of bed wakes him up. I think he wants me to be able to get up at the same time as him, and get ready in 30 minutes or less, so I’m done before our kids get up and I am free to get them ready while he leaves for work early. He has told me that he doesn’t want me to use dry shampoo, because he doesn’t like that it leaves dust/film in the bathroom and he just generally doesn’t want it in the air in our home. I asked about spraying it outside, but that doesn’t appear to be a solution, so a daily shower will be a must for my hair and skin type. My job requires me to dress business professional and to be very put together on a daily basis. Any tips for getting through a shower, hair, makeup and into a suit in less than 30 minutes? Thank you!",,9,StunningSort3082,2023-11-01 12:57:06 RedPillWomen,17krtu5,What are your relationship rules?,"Hi ladies - as someone who has been single for a while but is now in a new relationship, I feel out of the practice of thinking about single girl behaviors vs. relationship behaviors. What are the rules you follow in a relationship? For example, no texting other guys, no hanging out with other guys alone, date night once a week, etc.",,24,scoutnsammie,2023-10-31 18:30:17 RedPillWomen,17ktr81,Feeling vulnerable might delete later,"There are just some days where I feel extra vulnerable, and needy, and wishful or hopeful, and I feel like I can’t express that to my committed boyfriend because I feel that is an attraction killer. Can you talk some sense into me? Edit: We are in a committed, LTR Edit: Thank you all so, so much ",,10,bluecat37,2023-10-31 19:53:49 RedPillWomen,17kezth,Initiating Promise Rings too Masculine?,"Christmas is around the corner and so is our anniversary. I’m curious on people’s thoughts. My partner and I call each other sun and moon, respectively. I was thinking about getting us sun and moon promise rings for an anniversary and Christmas gift combo but is this too masculine of a move or am I safe and this is cute? Background, will be our 2 year anniversary and we are very serious.",,5,Forsaken-Savings4370,2023-10-31 06:52:06 RedPillWomen,17jmp8b,The “girlfriend effect”,"There’s this new TikTok trend where women talk about the “girlfriend effect”. The girlfriend effect, apparently, is when an average dude transforms into an absolute looker once he gets a girlfriend. [Example 1](https://youtube.com/shorts/A3ogc0fqdhE?si=92PEZMPm4AXGjmvj) [Example 2](https://youtube.com/shorts/wFUVemaAHAU?si=66sSHQZkXpL6Glxb) What are our thoughts on this? Is this a real thing, or are these men just maturing? More importantly, am I meant to be be subtly influencing my boyfriends style? Trying to influence my boyfriend to dress better sounds like the kind of thing a mom would do for her son 🤢I also have no idea how men’s fashion works, so I’m inclined to just look at this as a fun little tik tok trend. On the other hand, I want to do everything in my power to make my partners life better and there are clear social and career benefits for men when they dress well. If learning about men’s fashion will make me a better girlfriend then obviously I’ll start studying, but it just seems so antithetical to the practicing of respecting and trusting my partner to lead.",,49,Margareydragonslayer,2023-10-30 05:58:52 RedPillWomen,17jpx8a,My boyfriend asked for a 50-50 split on the trip,"My boyfriend (M27) and I (F25) have been officially together for almost four months, but we've known each other and been dating for nearly a year. While we've been intimate, we haven't attempted penetration because I'm a virgin. I shared a Facebook page with him featuring a stunning Airbnb that a friend recently stayed in, and he took note of it. We've discussed before that I want my first time to be special, though not necessarily after marriage, more like a honeymoon-level event in a nice resort or an upscale hotel at the very least. Last week, he mentioned planning to book the Airbnb in February and asked if we could split the rent 50-50 or if I could contribute a lower amount. I didn't say anything, but I felt uneasy about it. It wouldn't feel special to me if I also had to pay for the place, as it wouldn't feel like a gift. The Airbnb costs $80 for a 22-hour stay. While it's not cheap in my country, it's also not expensive. For comparison, the cheapest room in a 5-star hotel here is at least $250. This still bothers me, and I'm considering telling him that I no longer want to go there. Is it wrong of me to feel this way? Edit: I appreciate all the comments and feedback, but I'd like to clarify my post. My concern isn't about giving my virginity to my boyfriend (I just include that part because he said that he's excited for us to finally do it in our first trip); it's about my expectation for our first trip. I was simply disappointed when he suggested splitting the costs 50-50 for the trip that will happen next year. ",,4,alwaysworriedgirls,2023-10-30 10:02:16 RedPillWomen,17j89qe,My boyfriend (M31) wants kids one day and I don’t think I (F22) will.,"He’s in no rush for kids, and I know I am probably too young to actually know what I will want in 10 or so years, but I have multiple reasons on why I believe I will never want kids. The reason why we didn’t have this conversation in the beginning of our relationship was because the topic of children or not wasn’t in my radar a few years ago and he always said he didn’t care if he had kids or not. But I have come to realize what he meant was he didn’t care what time he had kids at. I worry that in 10 years from now we will break up over this. He agreed that this will likely end our relationship if we don’t come to a common ground by then, but we shouldn’t worry about it until I’m in my thirties. I think he’s counting on the fact I will change my mind. Which is possible, but probably unlikely. Do you think I am over thinking this or is this something that needs to be dealt with right now and how?",,7,bananacandy16,2023-10-29 17:46:07 RedPillWomen,17ij673,Cheating,Hi ladies! I want to know your opinions on cheating. If he’s a high value man would he cheat? If he gives you everything can he cheat? And if it’s ok with you define the terms in which it would be ok. Thanks :),,14,Zealousideal-Bus-17,2023-10-28 17:55:06 RedPillWomen,17iqrni,Food in the bedroom (not sex),"Husband wants to keep food in the bedroom. I always find him bringing snacks in and to me im worried about pests, especially since we already HAVE pest problems and it's hard not to judge him for not getting the clue when we found out about pests. Actually, I can kinda see it working for me because I have a lot of nuts and seeds I always want to get myself to snack on but never do, because if I go to the kitchen I just grab food rather than nuts. I'm a stress snacker too, so having my nuts and seeds available to me in the bedroom 24/7 as we're lounging around can be helpful. But, what kind of thing should I keep them in, should I get airtight glasses or what, because I feel like no matter what I do to keep them safe, it'll never be good enough 😭😭😭😭 and I worry the snacks are ""dirty"" or contaminated even when they're perfectly fine",,2,Radiant_Ad2413,2023-10-29 00:07:09 RedPillWomen,17ig5er,dating younger men?,"does anyone here have experience with dating guys who are younger than you? could you please share what your life and relationship is like and whether you’d change it if you could? i’m don’t know if i necessarily believe the whole young guys = immature and older guys = mature because i think maturity doesn’t have much to do with age but with character. i’d love to hear from women dating younger men bc i’m currently interested in a guy but we have a 2 year age gap - i’m the older one lol",,9,burner4567890,2023-10-28 15:28:51 RedPillWomen,17ijgnz,How to make living together easier for him?,"Hi, I have never lived with my boyfriend, but we are urgently escaping our country to a safer one to seek shelter for a few months. So far we have split the tasks leading up to moving. We have both filled them responsibly, and we express gratitude for one another. I wish to maintain this positive energy even while we move abroad in the midst of calamity. However - we never lived together. Sometimes we have spent a few days together at either of our apartments. I found that on most of those days I was able to be relaxed, feel safe, and our time together was fun and peaceful. We split domestic tasks agreeably and had a lot of sex. But when I was having emotional difficulties, I found myself anxiously waiting for him to come home and talk or cuddle. I understand that this can be taxing on any person, especially a man. Furthermore, on days that he was working many hours, I had this expectation that he'd come home and give me a lot of attention to compensate. Sounds familiar, right? This made him mad at me quite a few times, and he asks for more space. I am worried that this will stick even abroad because he has a tendency to work 12+ hours. I also had a few incidents where anxious friends came to visit, and passed their anxieties onto me and my boyfriend, causing us stressful nights. I know I have to change to become the wife I want to be, so in recent months I resolved to be more calm. What really works is gardening, faith-based therapy, painting, relaxing music, meditation, hard exercise, and herbal tea. However, these work \~7/10 times. It's those highest levels of anxiety which are toughest to reduce. I am looking for some advice from you ladies - perhaps tips regarding a daily schedule, or music, affirmations, manifestations, habits or prayers - which can help me during those times I *really* want him to come home but he just can't.",,2,flower_power_g1rl,2023-10-28 18:09:23 RedPillWomen,17hslf2,Advice wanted,"does anyone have partners who are very good at taking care of you with their actions but have harsh moments with their words? I’m a SAHM and I deal with feelings of inadequacy that make me sensitive and like I’m being criticized. My husband can have a harsh tone of voice, but he denies this and acts dumbfounded when we get into conversations about my feelings. It’s a cycle where I feel insecure because of something he says, but no matter how I try to bring it up he feels it’s unfair to burden him with conversations about my feelings. He will assure me we are on the same team and I just “shouldn’t take things that way” but I cannot stop myself from taking things personally. Here is an example. My toddler knocked his face on a toy and bit his lip. I picked him up and was consoling him as he was crying hard. I told my husband his lip was bleeding a bit ( wasn’t dripping on his face or anything) After a few seconds my hugsband hastily says, “Well, wipe him!”. He said it in a tone of voice that made me feel like he meant “What are you doing? Why aren’t you wiping his cut? “ Because I interpreted it this way, my reaction was a stressed out, “don’t be like that”. Later, he asked what was wrong. I explained I had just been focussed on consoling our kid, so what he was concerned about hadn’t occurred to me yet. I suggested in this situation he should step in and bring me a cloth if he wants the cut wiped right away. Because the way he was talking sounded critical. After that we got into a long conversation, and he is basically dumbfounded, that we are talking about my feelings again. He tells me to be stronger because I should know we were on the same team. If we weren’t, why would he be working so hard to give me and the baby a nice life. He thinks it’s unfair to ask him to pay attention to how his tone of voice is because if he censors himself he isn’t being real with me. A further problem is he becomes quite commanding during these conversations because he hates having them. I see his point of view too. But I still can’t stop myself from feeling emotional and I’m not sure “toughening up” it’s some thing I want to do because that feels like I’m swallowing my emotion. The outcome I want is for him to respond “oh shitt, I didn’t mean it that way” and then give me a hug. But I can’t seem to achieve this. Ladies, thank you for the advice. Lots of good points for me to consider. Will update on whether the dynamic has changed after a few more months have passed ",,10,Moovmntstudnt,2023-10-27 17:20:49 RedPillWomen,17h24p0,Giving boyfriend your card under the table so it looks like he’s the one paying,"I (24F) was talking to my friend (24F) about when going out with your boyfriend, and giving him your card under the table so it looks like he’s paying. I have no problem doing that, she disagrees because she feels there’s no reason for him to be embarrassed that she’s paying. What are your thoughts? Would you do it? Edit for clarification: He DOES have the money and can pay. It would be you wanting to treat him but he’d be “paying” with his card Edit #2: This is hypothetical. My friend and I are both single, we were just talking relationships. ",,48,-tratando,2023-10-26 17:46:08 RedPillWomen,17hfxrm,Tips for Mismatched Humor?,"Hi my lovely ladies! I hope you’re all doing well :) My partner and I don’t have the same sense of humor and I’m not quite sure how to respond in an appropriate way anymore. The main issue is that I find some of his humor distasteful and I’ve made the mistake of voicing this with a disapproving “sweetheart” or I’ve even gone as far as saying “that’s distasteful”. I recognise this is wrong and lately I’ve been trying to simply STFU or I’ll just smile and give a slight giggle or just say “that’s funny” (in a hopefully genuine way). This isn’t really satisfactory to him anymore though. He’s expressed frustration that I don’t share his sense of humor especially as he says my disapproval comes from a place of having remnant liberal values that make me too sensitive (writing this down makes me think that perhaps this is the core issue). I’m not sure if this is true as I think it’s really just a case of I don’t share his sense of humor. I’ll continue what I’m doing now with the STFU or giggle and smile. I’ve also encouraged him to find and hang out male companions who are more likely to share his humor and make him feel appreciated for it. I of course want him to feel appreciated for his humor as I imagine it would make him feel more manly/ cherished if I was laughing wildly with him (I make sure not to laugh extremely if we’re ever in the company of his male friends or any other company except my own female friends as I made that mistake once and he was sorely unimpressed which maybe could be contributing to his frustration?) but I can’t really fake it. Does anyone who’s dealt with something like this have any tips on what else to do? Or should I maybe leave the humor thing as it is and focus on other aspects of his to cherish? Thank you ladies!",,0,West_Army_160,2023-10-27 04:58:35 RedPillWomen,17gp9ux,Raya for dating up?,Did anyone try Raya and had luck with meeting men who have provider mindset and want to commit?,,7,anabel0999,2023-10-26 05:27:32 RedPillWomen,17g9lch,2nd Date / Potential Sleepover,"Hi there! I've been speaking with this guy for nearly 2 months now, we talk all day everyday - he's very sweet and attentive, and I really like him. He does live slightly outside of my hometown (about an hour and a half journey on the train). We've been on one dinner date together, had a blast and parted ways at the end of the evening, he travelled to me to my hometown. This weekend, I am going to his hometown and he has offered for me to sleepover if I like but has made it very clear there is no pressure to 'do anything' I don't want to (and I know he's being serious). My question is, as I like him and I want to keep a good clean image for myself, is it bad if I sleepover? Even if nothing 'happens' between us apart from a kiss?",,12,_hannahm123,2023-10-25 17:03:03 RedPillWomen,17fw44c,Athletic nerds,"I’d like to know your take on the ‘athletic nerd’, a term I recently came across. I fancy a guy myself who fits the bill and is also quite shy. I’ve found it quite difficult to get to know him so you can understand my curiosity to know more about such guys and what to expect.",,10,Global_Moose_1991,2023-10-25 03:57:29 RedPillWomen,17fjjh6,how to respond and tell him i don’t want to see him anymore,"hi, i’m trying, reluctantly, to start dating again and i recently started speaking to a new guy. it hasn’t been very long, i’d say a couple days. also we haven’t met yet. we were supposed to meet this weekend but i don’t know if i want to anymore. my reasons are: we had agreed we’d have a phone call yesterday to speak… he literally disappeared and didn’t say anything, so we didn’t have our phone call and i didn’t text him. i’ve concluded that with men, if they want to they will so i took his disappearance and lack of communication as a rejection and deleted his number. this afternoon he sends me a text to apologise and tells me that he was busy with something and he finished late and then texts me again to say ""how’s your day?"" it made me feel a bit icky, because my thinking is… why couldn’t he say that he wouldn’t be able to have the call anymore? i feel like that would have been the respectful thing to do. i’ve been ignoring him all day and tonight he sends me a text again and says ""i’m very sorry for yesterday"" i don’t think i’m being dramatic for not texting him back, tbh i’m done with unreliable men and i feel that if i don’t leave at the first signs of inconsistency it’s easy to get roped into the whole push and pull dynamic, which i don’t want. how should i handle this? should i continue to ignore him or be honest with him and tell him i don’t want to see him anymore this weekend?",,13,burner4567890,2023-10-24 18:23:36 RedPillWomen,17ejnkx,Your favourite book!,"Looking for book-recommendations. Wholesome content that will feed the soul with nurture and peace please. Romance, periodpieces, self-help, histori - anything you like, really! 🌸",,11,AppropriateEbb5556,2023-10-23 12:51:54 RedPillWomen,17e7p65,How to let minor things go?,"Eek. Been together a year now (24f&m) and coming back from this great trip we took together when he’s scrolling on instagram and I see he’s searched up his female friend (who mainly posts booty pics at the gym) profile. His explore page had a few scantitly clad ladies and that’s honestly uncommon so I don’t know what to think of it. Im trying to be mature and bite my tongue even though I want to ask why he’s searching her up or make a snarky comment about the explore page. I’m sure there’s better ways to deal with these emotions - anyone have any tips for times like these where you don’t want to be sour but something is irking you? I don’t want to sound like a nagging, annoying girlfriend but I’m also a little peeved although unsure if warranted.",,19,vinesandflowers,2023-10-23 00:30:37 RedPillWomen,17ddk8g,Online Dating Past The Wall,"It's been about two and a half months since I signed up for three online dating services. I wanted to share a little bit of what I learned in the process, in hopes that some of you who are in similar situations take heart and don't let yourselves get jaded and mean. I certainly found myself slipping into very masculine/radfem thought patterns, and it was disconcerting! **You'll get likes from a lot of different men.** Some of them will have read your profile and also be absolutely perfect on paper! Some of them may or may not have read your profile and be the opposite of what you want! It might feel a little dehumanizing to be approached, essentially, because you're female and your pictures are reasonably attractive. What about who you are inside? What about your standards? None of that's gonna matter a lick to the vast majority of your likes/matches. That's when you have choices to make: **You can approach first.** Some men react favorably to being approached. It might surprise you, but men appreciate female attention! Remember that you're a goddess of light and fun, though, not desperately hunting for your husband. It's okay if inside you are, in fact, desperately hunting for your husband, but they don't need that burden from you from the word go. **You can compromise in surprising ways.** Everyone who knows me around here knows that I'm personally (not evangelically!) childfree. So you wouldn't peg me for the kind of woman who would think about dating a guy with a child, but realistically, this is something that may happen. My first date in nine years was with a man who had a thirteen-year-old daughter, and although his kisses left me cold, the idea of being Auntie LostGirl kind of thrilled me. He had a literal growth on his eyeball and his pictures were lies, so no, it didn't work out, but his daughter wasn't why. And the guy I'm talking with now has a son that's grown and gone, which is fine. Beyond the Wall, that's more possible for me to run into, especially since the upper bound of my age range is fifty. If a man who is fifty started a family in his mid-twenties, his kids would be adults. I have discovered that this is a dynamic I can enjoy. Also, I've discovered that I am indeed okay with dating men up to the age of fifty. Perhaps past that is a bit too far apart for me (I'm thirty-seven) but a difference of thirteen years doesn't faze me. Other things that might surprise you until you think about them: **Chivalry is not dead as long as you're a lady.** I had a brief, chaste flirtation with a man who brought me flowers and cards and, before we realized we were only compatible on paper, was planning a whole slate of winter activities for us. He was a perfect gentleman; I just wasn't attracted to him. In fact, I haven't gone to bed with any of the men I've met -- and (mostly!) they didn't press the matter because I maintained my frame. I presented myself as fun but not promiscuous or vulgar. My photos show me off, but modestly, and this has not proved a deterrent thus far. I am generally covered from collarbone to elbows and knees. Do my clothes hug my figure? Gently, yes. But they're not sausage casing dresses, they're cashmere sweaters and flattering jeans. I am proud to say I could not be accused of selling my body except by the most hardline of religious men. This is true of the Instagram account I associate with my profiles, too. **You can't make it work with perfect on paper alone.** Which has implications beyond merely ""you've got to want to kiss him, at least."" You do. You definitely do need to want to kiss him, because eventually, if you get your wish, you'll be married to him! And marriages involve marriage beds! But if you need compatibility, think long and hard about that list of standards you wrote out, then wrote into your profile. How much of it really matters? Are you still expecting 6-6-6 at your age? Whatever for? Only one of those sixes impacts the quality of the family life you're going to build, if that's even in your plans. As long as he's not weird about his height, and he knows what he's doing with his wedding tackle, you absolutely do not need to care about those sixes. Be realistic, and bear in mind that the one who makes your heart beat the fastest might not come with all the traits you were sure you needed. Finally, a few things I hope won't surprise you: **Vetting is still important.** Of course there are men who want sex more than they want the rest of you. But you're a grown woman by now, and if you follow the advice here as well as keep your head about you, you won't raise your n for one of those. **Not settling is especially important.** Women are hypergamous by nature, so we should be reasonably sure that the man we pick is the one who complements us the best, and we him. We don't want to wake up one morning with wandering feet. We want to be happy with who we've chosen. We also don't want to break his trust and send him spiraling into MGTOW territory. *We don't want to build spikes into the Wall for our sisters who will come after us. Or for ourselves.* Remember that every man you betray in some way is wounded now, and look at the men who let those wounds fester. Do you want to be part of the ongoing woman problem, or do you want to be one of the women who is part of the healing? So don't settle, because you're not the only one you're hurting by doing that. Remember that he, too, wants to be chosen and loved for who he is. **Love is not a transaction.** Everybody loses when a relationship is a business deal. He wants to be chosen and loved for who he is, not for ""what he brings to the table"". Women hate that question. Guess what? So do men! He's so much more than what he can do for you. When you give, give freely. Not because you're going to get something out of it. Because you want to be there, giving and loving. I'm going to leave you with a beautiful song about a long-married couple that I hope to someday be. It's a duet by John Prine and Iris DeMent, called ""In Spite of Ourselves."" Enjoy! https://youtu.be/gA-vD5pyuS4?si=rX3u-LzU2tvJ_UH1",,37,diaryofalostgirl,2023-10-21 21:56:25 RedPillWomen,17df28r,Rushed into a relationship and now I [22F] feel guilty,"I know what I did wrong, so this is kind of a vent(?) with context of course. Also just wanted to let you guys know I slipped up. Not sure how to flair this sorry. So I have a big surgery coming up in January. I asked my therapist if it was a good idea to start dating before it and she said yes as long as I’m transparent and let potential matches know as soon as possible. The surgery changed my view a little bit on life, death, and religious stuff so I right know I would say I’m spiritual. I believe there’s a God but don’t follow a religion at the moment (was Baptist and very religious like my mom). So I matched with a guy [22M] and we decided to be exclusive on the second date. Neither of us know how relationships work. I’ve never been in one and the only one he’s been in was one in middle school that didn’t last long. He knows about the surgery and me having to be gone for a few months (aka gone for the spring semester). I told him I’m planning on getting apartment that’s close to him in the summer after I recover. (Btw He’s a blue collar guy that lives a few minutes away in a city close to my campus) The thing is I was a little too flirty over text and said I was okay with sex once I’m ready and I told him at that moment felt ready by the next date (that would be on the 3rd date). However, once my horny hormones went away I started having second thoughts and want to wait. He knows I used to be super religious and said it’s okay if I’m not ready. The problem is I’m not sure if I wanna wait until I’m mentally ready or wait until marriage like I’ve planned for most of my life. On top of this, there’s a chance I’ll be getting a summer co-op that’s 2 hours away from where he lives. So I would be gone for spring and summer instead of just spring. I was planning on getting a co-op closer to him and have an apartment, but with the other location I can stay with family and not have to pay for a place to stay. Then I would get an apartment for the fall semester. I planned on telling him today about the potential abstinence thing and the co-op (this was our 4th date) but I didn’t… because I’m a coward and don’t deal with confrontation well. I was afraid he would get really upset, especially since the date went well. We went to a cafe and played a fun card game. I didn’t want to end the date so sour. I like this guy, so I don’t want to lead him on. He wants to have sex soon and I’m on the fence again even through I felt so sure about what I wanted not too long ago. My brain is all jumbled up thinking about this. Part of me is pressuring myself to have sex with him because we’re in a relationship now, and the other is nagging me about how I’m going too fast in this relationship and risking diminishing my value. I should be taking this slow and finding non-sexual ways to be intimate first. I’m frustrated with myself because I felt so confident and thought I got passed my obsessive thoughts but I clearly haven’t. I’m not sure what I should work on, or how to fix it (by “it” I mean my mental blocks). P.S. my therapist doesn’t know about my sex problems(?) and the sex value stuff. But I know she would give a more feminist answer. My mom is on the side of waiting till marriage obviously.",,4,Mika_Acorn8,2023-10-21 23:04:30 RedPillWomen,17cq8on,Daily Wire Launches Kids Media Program 'Bentkey',"For those interested in showing their children television shows with values that more closely align with trad/conservative/religious parents, Daily Wire launched an alternate site to Disney+ today called Bentkey with some original shows and then a collection of other kids programming that they've vetted. The headliners are 'A Wonderful Day with Mable McClay', which is similar to Mr. Roger's Neighborhood, and 'Chip Chilla', which is similar to Bluey. My three year old boy liked the first couple episodes Chip Chilla a lot but Mable McClay kinda went over his head. We'll check out some of the other shows to see if there are other he likes (there's around twenty). First couple episodes are free, it's $99 for an annual membership. I thought some of you might find this interesting! I'm not too worried about kids programming but sometimes I find myself frustrated at certain morals of the story or the ways characters are portrayed. I'm hoping this resonates a tiny bit more. It's not trying to be as overt as something like Veggie Tales, making the content entertaining and appealing takes a higher priority. It reminds me of what kids programs where like when I was a kid. Curious to hear if your littles like the shows!",,37,ArkNemesis00,2023-10-21 00:45:44 RedPillWomen,17cbckk,WWLDD? What would Laura Doyle do?,"My husband and I are getting ready to go on a “romantic” camping getaway. He said he thought it would be fun but now that it is here, he has been grumpy etc. He just called me from the store to ask what I thought we should get for the trip and bit my head off for no reason. Also, he has been standoffish and cold to me all week. He has been stressed about work. And last week, got drunk and ripped me up one side and down the other about what a horrible wife I am. (Don’t make enough money, don’t have a good enough job etc) I want to have a good time on this trip (we are leaving today), but I don’t know how to act fun and light when he is acting like he could care less.",,19,SomberWinter13,2023-10-20 13:30:39 RedPillWomen,17booxk,Stressed out stay at home mom needing marriage advice,"Looking for advice on this sub because I know it’s the only place I’ll probably get some logical advice. I’m a stay at home mom to 2 kids, ages 4 and almost 2. I homeschool my oldest so our week consists of homeschooling and a lot of activities with his homeschool group. On the days we’re home I’m catching up on housework and running errands. It’s been a really tough season at home, the kids are always fighting over their toys, my youngest is going through a very clingy stage and is often crying and wanting to be held. My alcoholic blind father is losing his home at the end of the month and is probably going into a shelter which is causing me an immense amount of stress (he can’t stay with us, I can’t have him around my kids and it would destroy my marriage). I feel like I can never keep up with housework and my libido is basically non existent at this point. I have barely any breaks from mothering and it’s taking a toll on me, I feel like I’m hanging on by a thread most days. I’ve tried to talk to my husband about this for years but he just doesn’t get it. He thinks if I managed my time better that I would be able to have more “breaks”. He thinks during the day if I put on a show for the kids that’s enough of a break. When I tell him that the kids are still all over me even with the TV on he just says I need to “set firmer boundaries with them”. I’m not going to lie this is causing me a lot of resentment towards my husband, especially because he’s constantly complaining that I’m not enthusiastic enough about having sex at night. When I tell him that all of this is causing me a low libido he just doesn’t understand, he thinks if I’m attracted to him that I should just be in the mood and that if I’m not it’s just that I’m not attracted to him. To be clear, I’m very attracted to my husband. I’ve brought up very specific ways he can help me such as watching the kids while I clean the kitchen at night, playing with the kids on weekend mornings so I can have my coffee, etc. but he always just comes back with other solutions that don’t involve him. For example, instead of watching the kids while I clean the kitchen at night, he goes outside to the garage to relax and says that I should make dinner and clean earlier so that I have more time to do it while also watching the kids. Instead of playing with the kids in the morning he goes outside to relax again and says I should get up before the kids or again “set firmer boundaries with them.” I understand that he works and need a a break too and he does cook a lot but it’s all feeling very one-sided and I feel like I’m losing my mind. I deal with the kids all day, then put them to bed just to have my husband start a fight most nights that I have no enthusiasm for sex. It’s all very draining. I already know that things aren’t going to change so I guess what I’m looking for is how I can keep my sanity, get my libido back and not resent my husband on my own. I can’t keep going on like this and the more I try to get my husband involved the further it pushes us apart.",,19,rustichomemaker,2023-10-19 17:34:29 RedPillWomen,17c580x,"Why do I feel bad , what should I do ?","I ( 20F) started to have a friend (22F) one year ago. We also have friends in common , they are all males and we are the only women in this group.( Im new in this group) I used to love talking to her because she gave me this sorority vibe so I kept my guard down when we were talking about men. We love to laugh about guys in general and even guys from the group. It’s never in a mean way it’s just very funny. One day we happened to talk about a guy from the group and how cute he is. I also talked about him like her. For me it was funny because I’m seeing this guy as a big brother. Hes literally the type of men that give me a safe vibe. Today she told that she asked to one the guys in the group if the guy in question has something with me ? They obviously said no. For the first time of my life I felt betrayed and I felt bad. It was unnecessary rejection and I still don’t understand why she did that. I also don’t understand why she said that to me. I feel heartbroken it’s strange, I even cried a little bit. I don’t know why I feel bad. I don’t know why she did that ? Thank you in advance , have a nice day",,0,Rough_Coconut_5982,2023-10-20 07:12:49 RedPillWomen,17ap8ff,Green flags in a guy,"Hey everyone What are the most important green flags / values / traits, a boyfriend/husband should have? Some i thought about were: \- honesty \- loyality \- resposibility",,24,skibunnyxx,2023-10-18 12:09:53 RedPillWomen,17al4du,this doesn’t make a lick of sense,"i’m 27. this age would lead you to believe that i’m just waking up to my relationship goals but that’s not the case. i got engaged at 19. he tried to shoot me so i figured he wasn’t the best choice for a husband and left pre-marriage right after my 21st birthday. i took a year off in “nun mode” and got into another serious relationship at 22 that i thought was on the road to marriage. we talked about it and seemed to be progressing well but right before my 25th birthday, i realized he had no intention of marrying me and cut my losses. i did about 6 months in nun mode to reevaluate and got back out there. cut to now. i’m getting close to 28. i’ve been seriously looking for a partner for almost 3 years and haven’t managed to date anyone for more than a month in that time. i’m trying everything. “intentional dating” leads to love bombers and trying to take my time and be chill leads to “well, i don’t like labels, let’s see where it goes”. neither are what i’m looking for. i know what i have to offer. i know what i want. i did what i was supposed to do. i’m at a loss and starting to think i’m gonna end up dying alone. any advice or commiseration would be nice. i just don’t know where to go from here.",,26,[deleted],2023-10-18 07:47:03 RedPillWomen,17a9pan,Question for breadwinner women,"Genuinely curious how this works for you ladies who are the breadwinner in the relationship, whether it'd be by education or income or both. RPW advocates for the man to be the captain of the household, but this is 2023 where many men are unable and female breadwinners are on the rise. 1. Has this affected your relationship dynamics? 2. Has this affected your dating dynamics? 3. Sexual dynamics? Has it affected your attraction? 4. Are you okay with it or, do you wish your partner made more? 5. How does your partner feel about it? 6. What things does your partner do to balance out his masculine side? Open to discussion.",,37,kroshkamoya,2023-10-17 21:47:05 RedPillWomen,17aehor,"I've been told by a couple of men that I don't have a feminine touch e.g. ""don't know how to touch a man""?!","When one guy I was with told me I don't know how to touch a man I was a bit offended and was like what does that even mean? Of course he was the first guy I was sexually with and he was much more experienced so I told him ok? I don't know because I haven't been with guys this way? I figured I will learn. I tried to be more feminine and soft in general. Recently another guy who was interested in me (we never had any relations except kissing once but mostly friendly hugs and stuff) told me when I hugged him or touched him in anyway he felt like he was being touched by one of his bros; that I am apparently not soft enough with my touches lol. Maybe it's because I wasn't interested in him that much? Being an only daughter with brothers and only male cousins my age I have been raised mostly among boys and never knew how to be girly. I was a tomboy until my late-teens but although the outside has changed I sometimes still feel like I'm not feminine enough. Do you have any tips or good books or podcasts on how to bring out my feminine energy more?",,17,Nibahbe,2023-10-18 01:23:12 RedPillWomen,17ad8ma,How do you embrace your femininity?,"(If applicable) How did you come to terms with the different versions of femininity and decide which suits you best? Recently I’ve come to realize that I excel at being a calm, comforting presence to others when they feel distressed or tense. Men and women have told me some version of “I feel comfortable with you”, “You help people relax when they’re nervous”, or “You’re so chill”. In the past I worried that being quiet and reserved made me cold, and that I had to be more bubbly and outgoing to be ‘girly’. But I’ve learned that you don’t have to be a social butterfly or the ‘fun one’ to be likable as a woman. People appreciate a soothing, grounding presence as well as a lively one. This is something I really look forward to bringing to a relationship too— providing a space where my SO can just relax and recover from the stress of everyday life. (I feel like this sub calls it a soft place to land or being his peace or something?)",,16,Ok-Coat7665,2023-10-18 00:24:55 RedPillWomen,17ailgj,Books for raising girls with a more traditional focus?,"Hubby and I are expecting (yay) early next year and am blessed with a little girl. I had very good teaching from my grandmother and mum, but times have changed and im wondering if anyone knows of any good resources? TIA xo",,7,aussiedollface2,2023-10-18 04:57:53 RedPillWomen,179ybp8,How can I decide if I want to continue this relationship?,"Hello ladies, I follow this sub on my main account, but for privacys sake I'm using a throwaway. This is also my first post here, so if I used the wrong flair etc please let me know, as I'm really in need of some RP advice here. I've been with my boyfriend for two years, living together for one year. We have a pet together. Right now he is the main provider, as I'm not in the position to really contribute due to participating in an education program. I pay my half of the rent and bills, but he pays for all groceries etc. This just to set the scene. When we first got together, I was head over heels. I've told everyone that he is the best man ever. He is attentive, kind, caring, honest, funny, loving, ... - all the good stuff. Just yesterday he bought me flowers, which is nothing unusual. On to the problem: I don't think I'm attracted to him anymore. This has been the case for months now and at first I just thought I was stressed and needed to push through. But we also haven't had sex in months and while I absolutely miss sex, I don't miss it with him as we never really aligned. It was pleasant, but nothing mind-blowing. We also never kiss and flirt. We are basically roommates. What I've tried: when I first noticed the lack in sex we had several talks about it. We are both aware of the fact that we aren't as physical as we could be, though I think he doesn't understand when I mean we lack chemistry and passion, because the sex was never ""amazing"", it was meh. He doesn't like making-out and neither of us initiates anymore. To be honest I'm glad about this, because as I said I don't feel attracted to him anymore and I feel absolutely horrible for it. I haven't told him I'm not attracted anymore and don't plan to, as this just seems cruel to me. I'm at a loss of what to do. I haven't spoken with anyone in person about because a) I think it would be very disrespectful towards him as all my friends know and like him and b) I don't think I would get good advice. My dilemma is: I don't know if this relationship is salvageable. But we never fight, everything goes well, we like and care for each other. Our day to day life is good. On the other hand: am I lying to myself if I think this is an ok situation? I miss intimacy, I just don't know if this is enough to throw an otherwise solid relationship away. I'm also wondering: if I break up - what would I do? I can't move out, as I don't have money and even if I did, finding a flat is impossible right now. Also, what would we do with our pet? I fear that these aspects may be clouding my judgement. If you have any thoughts, please enlighten me.",,8,algae_wafer,2023-10-17 13:25:53 RedPillWomen,179yzlv,Messaging apps,Other than WhatsApp to keep in touch for people who don't use social media or wants to stay away from all the noise of it :b,,7,Direct-Ad-5394,2023-10-17 13:58:21 RedPillWomen,179htaa,Have you noticed whether it hurts/helps you if you have a career?,"I see a lot of sentiments from traditional-minded men saying that men don't really care for career-driven women, and that only things that matter for women are being attractive, kind, agreeable, marriage-oriented, etc. But my experience with provider men who make at least upper middle class income, they do have some desire for their partner being ""successful"" to some degree. And while they don't search for a specific income or educational level, I think it's because it still reflects highly on them, especially when their peers also have gfs/wives who come from similar social backgrounds. It's been my experience that simply being a career-driven woman will get you nowhere in dating, but if you're successful on top of putting in the effort to be attractive, kind, generous, being marriage-oriented, etc., it only helps you. It puts us in the same social circles as the men we want, and I think the men who can afford to be picky to that extent simply will be, especially when they have access to those kinds of women by default. They won't sacrifice their preference in physical appearance or personality for success or education, but given the choice between a woman who has all of it vs. some of it, they'll choose the woman who has all of it. On the other hand, you have some men saying that intelligence and women who have high(er) incomes make her too masculine and unable to submit to a man, and that men who value educational attainment and success in women are feminine men. To which I've always said that not all women will submit to all men, but most women will submit to the ***right*** man, the one who shares her values and who she inspires to be a protector and provider. My fiance and I assume a traditional dynamic despite both of us making upper middle class income, and he's told me before that in his social circle, a woman who has an elevated social background is commonly sought after in addition to all the ""standard"" things. For those of you who have careers and follow RPW advice, did you experience something similar with men you were interested in?",,30,leosandlattes,2023-10-16 21:49:43 RedPillWomen,17956s0,Whats an argument against men can sleep around but women cant.,"I m in an argument with a friend. He says its okay for a men to sleep around IN A RELATIONSHIP if they are honest with eachother. Women cant. His argument is because a men can produce multiple children with multiple women and when a men sleeps with a women, he knows its his kid. A women cant do that because if she sleeps with multiple men, no one knows who the father of the kid is, plus women can be pregnant once in 9month while the men can shoot out how much he desires. I told him we are not animals. I mean every relationship models can work. But I personally feel one sided relationship is unfair. Either open for both or closed completely. Also we cant just watch on a reproducing aspect. We are humans with emotions. But I am looking for more arguments against his „thesis“",,34,[deleted],2023-10-16 12:47:23 RedPillWomen,178tfj7,The meaning of sex in a man's life,"I'm thrilled about this subject. I had read and inform myself about the topic but I'm still confused. For my education and the way my parents raise me I ended up being clueless about relationships, especially with the opposite sex. Coming back to the present time, there's a ton of information and books and coaches that teachs about relationships and stuff. And this Saturday night, thinking about it, I saw that some men say that ""sex doesn't built an emotional connection"". That a man could have sex with someone and doesn't mean anything. And on the other hand we have the books where it says that for men is soo important having sex with they partners because is a way to create intimacy and connection. On the other side we have many young men that have girlfriends and even though they want to have sex with multiple women, they even say to their girlfriends that they ""want variety"" So what is the truth? What's the meaning of sex for a man? Is not important, is important, is an ego thing, is for the peer pressure of perform, it builts intimacy? Or not? When is ok to say yes to sex? When you want to have a relationship with him? How does the other person sees you after having it?",,16,Direct-Ad-5394,2023-10-16 00:32:38 RedPillWomen,178m36s,"Is it unreasonable to want a provider, but to not want kids?","I love the idea of being a homemaker, but a homemaker seems to be synonymous for stay-at-home mom. I like traditional gender roles in a relationship, but I feel like I am being unreasonable wanting a man to fit the mold of being the financial provider, while I don't want to fit the traditional gender role of being a women who will give him kids.",,23,bananacandy24680,2023-10-15 18:49:01 RedPillWomen,178trp1,Ideas to meet potential prospect,"I need refreshing ideas on how meet new prospects. I want to activately search and look for potential partners. I think after a long time of not look for it I'm ready. After working on myself and improve aspects of my life So I want to ask you gals any ideas on where and how to meet new people. Any of your thoughts will be very appreciated. Thank you 😸😸☺️",,6,Direct-Ad-5394,2023-10-16 00:49:41 RedPillWomen,178j7yn,"My boyfriend comments on how hot other girls are, continually follows other women on Instagram, talks about his past sexual experiences, watches porn whilst being sexual with me","Hi RPW. I am facing a dilema. Me and a guy been dating around 2 months. He’s a handsome doctor and apart from the following things we get on well and I like him. He says he likes me very much too. At first we would respectfully talk about other beautiful women. Then he started talking about how hot other women at a place we went together were which he told me later he said on purpose to see if I was jealous which would mean that I like him. He also keeps following other girls on instagram. Recently he followed one from my city ( he lives an hour away in a different city), so I have no idea how he would have met her. He mentions past sexual flings. For example he said that years ago he booked a hotel with a girl and they had sex ‘like animals’ and didn’t come out of the room for days. He said his previous girlfriends said he was like a sex king. We didn’t have intercourse yet but have fooled around and he insisted we watch porn whilst doing it. I felt surprised and kinda weird about it. He's also got me off before for around 15-20 mins and when he finished he said ' that was tiring':(. Now he’s away on a trip with a friend and I’m worried he’ll meet a girl or something:(. He is on a trip to Europe, for a few days in Amsterdam. He has also told me he has taken some weed. Before going he said his friend wanted to go to the red light district to have sex with a prostitute , but he assured me he had told his friend that he does not want to do this himself. I told him I was upset about it and he assured me again that he would not do anything with a prostitute. Apart from these things I really liked him, but I feel so upset about all of this. This is all affecting my self esteem. I feel quite worried. Are these red flags?",,21,Diamond-pearls21,2023-10-15 16:34:28 RedPillWomen,178hzim,How can I help my boyfriend deal with his ADHD without mothering him ?,"My boyfriend has ADHD. This affects him in many ways such as remembering dates, events, things that need to be done, etc. Because I know him well I automatically take note of all those things because I know that it’s extremely probable that he won’t remember it. My problem is that reminding him of those important things makes me feel like his mother and makes him feel infantilised. An answer could be to only remind him when he asks me to, but often he forgets to tell me to remind him of something. How can I help him while making him feel like the leader ?",,9,MrsDarcy94000,2023-10-15 15:36:55 RedPillWomen,1785npw,How do I get my husband to be more masculine?,"My husband and I have been together for almost 20 years. We’ve been through some rough patches, like any marriage, but we’ve always come out stronger together. A few years ago, my husband started wearing thongs. I expressed that I didn’t like it and did not find it attractive. He got upset with me and wanted to know why I cared what he wore under his clothes. I’m pretty non-confrontational, so I just kept my opinion to myself afterwards. He started to gain a little weight, then stopped wearing them. I thought that was the end of it. The past couple of years have been stressful and hard on our family. My husband wanted to sell our house and build a house on his parent’s land. I was open to this and we went through the difficult process of home selling. We didn’t have the money to immediately start building, so we moved into my Dad’s house for about 6 months. When it was looking like it was going to be longer than we expected, we decided to get an apartment while we saved money to build. Then the pandemic hit and threw a wrench in our plans. We ended up deciding to just pull the trigger and move in with his parents to start the building process. It was a long and stressful couple of years. We finally got our dream home built and I thought everything would calm down. Since we have moved into our new home I noticed my husband wearing thongs again. They are getting more and more racy, but I still haven’t said anything because of how he acted last time. Recently, in a drunken hook up, he admitted to me that he had been trying to get a prostate orgasm, and has been sticking things up there. I was completely shocked. Then I found a basket with lube, dildos, and other paraphernalia. I haven’t confronted him about it, because I’m worried about his answers. He used to be so masculine when we were younger, but has become more dependent on my validation of him. I feel myself wearing the pants in our relationship more and more. Making more decisions, even though I have expressed to him that I just want him to make a decision once in a while because I’m so exhausted always being the one that does it. He gets mad saying I never agree with his decisions. I know I have some blame here, but after so many years of carrying the bulk of our relationship, I’m exhausted. He has so also started shaving, everywhere. I once made a comment that I like when he is hairier, but he complained that it bothers him. I just do not understand. Maybe he is bisexual and hiding it. I’m not worried about him being gay, because we still have very enthusiastic sex. He still gives oral and loves it and wants to have sex with me all the time. I just want him to be more masculine, but I don’t want to immaculate him by telling him that. I just don’t know what to do. I’m sure I’m leaving things out, so just ask if you have questions.",,55,ammmarcela,2023-10-15 02:39:26 RedPillWomen,178sfda,Grocery shopping nightmare,"Every grocery shopping trip the same thing happens. I live with my boyfriend, and every grocery shopping trip we have, I pick out the food because I love to do it and I am very particular and he will just eat anything I've asked him many times if he's okay with my food choices and he seems honest saying yes and he definitely scarfs down whatever lol. That's not the problem. The problem is AFTER I've had my fun picking out the groceries. We live in the land of far away, so we have a cooler in the car for our grocery shopping trips meant to be used to put the spoilables in there----- only, no matter how many times I talk to him about it, he puts whatever the first random things he sees in the bags are 😑 He will put random drinks in there rather than yogurt and guacamole and anything that makes sense to. I've talked to him about this numerous times. I know I could just do it myself, but I take so many hours picking out the food, because to be frank we really both don't have much of a life, so we really enjoy our grocery store trips. I have to travel far away to where the grocery store is at for my medical appointments anyways, so it's hard to have a life when you're traveling 90 miles 3 times a week for doctors and food for the house. So the grocery store is like a big event ""date"" that we look forward to 1x a month for the big trip, and then maybe a couple other times for fill ins when we run out of stuff, or maybe not, depending on our budget. We'll eat hot bar stuff there before or after, and generally just chill out. Anyways, I wouldn't want to give up picking out the groceries for us for the world. I LOVEE doing it, it's one of the only things that bring me joy, and it ties into my hobby/interest of natural health. This is non-negotiable for me. However, when I'm done picking out the groceries which I will take several hours doing (he has no issue with this, he just hangs out at the tables eating hot bar stuff and scrolling on Twitter, which he loves to do, I'm actually so lucky to have a boyfriend who this doesn't bother, because i can imagine how many men would be like WTH?), I just want to be able to trust him to take care of the rest when I'm done. After I pick the groceries out, I just want to be able to trust him to put the correct items in the cooler, bring the groceries in the house, and put them in the fridge in order of expiration. I like organizing by order of expiration because I have executive dysfunction and if I don't do that, I WILL waste a lot of food. I spent many years and dollars to learn this lesson, that I just cannot wing it at the fridge. I've asked him to do this, but he just simply won't, or will screw it up. So if I want things done right, I have to be the one to pick the food, THEN go through the food again at the car and stock the cooler myself, and THEN be the one to organize it in the fridge, too. This just exhausts me. I want him to be a man and be able to take care of me after I had just picked the food, but it feels like I can't catch a break. He will put things in the wrong areas in the house and I'll have something thats supposed to be in the fridge in the pantry and vice versa. It's terrible, but I have a hard time not judging him because how do you not know that certain things will go bad really fast if they're not in the refrigerator, and could make you sick?? And then my pantry food going in the fridge just zaps the flavor out of them and makes it all hard. What should I do, idk. I already have to be in the car with him for so long which is stressful because he gets so nervous on the road and it in turn gets me all worked up seeing him be frustrated at being in the car, regardless of who's driving. I thought if I took over driving it wouldn't be an issue because I'd take the problem out of hid hands, but no, he does the same stuff and will be grunting and everything when I'M the one driving!!? And sometimes I just want a break from diving myself! So lately he's been driving and I'm pretty sure he's just holding in his emotions about the road but once in a while he'll get all irritated and scared. So this on top of the whole grocery shebang, it really takes up a full day, and picking out groceries is supposed to be MY HAPPY day, but it feels like he's zapping the joy from it. I could start going alone sometimes but driving for THAT long, is just too lonely to do each and every time. Am I just being a bitch? Idk, what should I do?",,0,BriefBlueberry9538,2023-10-15 23:41:57 RedPillWomen,177nay4,Supporting husband through tough time,"Concisely put, the weight of the world is bringing my husband down at the moment, and I'd love to hear some thoughts on ways I can support him through it. Men have a lot to shoulder and it's understandable that sometimes it can get on top of them. The thing is nothing has really changed for him to suddenly feel this way, and he even said he doesn't know why all of a sudden there's an issue. This makes me think that it could crop up again so I'd like to have clear ideas to fall back on. As I started writing this my husband literally just came to me and thanked me for supporting him through how he's been today, but I still have felt like I've been muddling through and would love to hear ideas or things that have worked for you.",,18,FancyPants882,2023-10-14 11:21:37 RedPillWomen,177lsse,Chicken soup for sick captain :(,"Can anyone recommend me a good chicken soup recipe? Noodles, no noodles.. Something that you're other half loves?",,7,thingswedidaskids,2023-10-14 09:39:03 RedPillWomen,177738i,My Unexpected Connection with RPW,"Salaam! TLDR: I am a Muslim and find a lot of similarities between my experiences and things discussed on RPW. I'm a 19-year-old lived in the U.S. my whole life, but my family is Persian and Muslim. I come from a super conservative family, and I have always struggled with the tension between my family's culture/religious expectations and Western society. I attended public school and while I have a lot of friends there is always a little bit of friction/tension. I actually heard about the whole idea of ""red pill"" for the first time when I was riding back from a X Country meet with my friend and her family. Her dad was driving and was talking about it with her Uncle. It felt like I had found a hidden treasure. I've never felt so connected to something from Western culture before. It's like finding a missing puzzle piece that felt like it bridged a gap between my culture and this tension I have always had with mainstream American culture. So, like, here's an example that might help illustrate why I felt so connected to this community. Initially, my parents, especially my mom, were not on board with me doing running competitively. The idea of their daughter participating in a competitive sport raised all kinds of red flags, from modesty concerns to our own gender roles. But, my dad took the lead. He kinda decided that we were gonna try this even though my mom was not really on board with it at first. And my mom, even though she was resistant, supported him. The result? We all found a lot of satisfaction and happiness in the sport. It's been something my parents have enjoyed going to and cheering me on and I was able to figure out how to do it without getting outside the lines of my religious identity. This experience with my family and running is just one example of why I feel so at home here. A lot of the ideas I have read about in this community seem like things I've lived. I feel like a lot of the dynamics of my family that others generally think of as ""weird"" fit in well in this community. I was mostly just wondering, are there any other women here from a similar background? How do you make this lifestyle work for you? Obviously, there are some parts of this that don't fit totally. If you're Muslim how do you handle the tricky topics that come up, especially if they clash with your own beliefs? If you're not Muslim I totally still welcome your perspectives on this! Thanks for reading. A",,13,Asmarunns21,2023-10-13 19:50:58 RedPillWomen,1774xbo,Single-Focused Men,"In my study of men in an effort to understand and inspire them for us to build a healthy relationship that gives both of us power; in turn highlighting our unique abilities and strengths, I've learned something. I'd love to get y'alls opinion and start a discussion. It's about the single-focus mindset of men. If you believe that (most) men are single focused, you understand that they are basically wired to focus on only one thing at a time. They put all of their focus, attention, and energy into that one thing, whatever it is. They are wholly and fully committed. I believe this to be true from my own experience and observations. Which lead me to the conclusion that a man that cannot fully commit is absolutely not a man worth pursuing or even ""settling"" for. To be blunt, with fear of being mean, they are not a real man (possibly yet). For example, a serial cheater and/or a man that is non-committal is not worth being with. When vetting I think it's important to observe this. How is his commitment to his work, family, friends, pets, heck even hobbies? What do you think? Is this too harsh a judgement, or is it vital to remember?",,12,Automatic-Praline568,2023-10-13 18:11:38 RedPillWomen,1778mxo,Lab grown diamonds,"I am pretty sure my boyfriend will be proposing within the next 6 months or so. I told him I am ok with a lab grown diamond since they are more affordable. How do you all feel about them? Part of me feels like a mined diamond is so traditional and rare and means more….but I know he cannot afford a 2 carat natural diamond and that is the size I want. Thoughts please. Do not take offense if you have a lab diamond I am not trying to talk down on them in any way just want some other opinions! Edit: thank you everyone!!",,3,babyyy_c,2023-10-13 21:02:30 RedPillWomen,176yk4e,The Netflix film: Fair Play,"I wouldn’t say this is a perfect movie to illustrate how redpill women philosophy works. BUT if you watch the first half it illustrates very well, over and over, a man’s reaction when a woman is doing basically the opposite of what’s advocated for here. She doesnt necessarily only do « wrong » things but she innocently—she has her mind on other things and a completely different work view— does a lot of them and the man’s often subtle emotional reactions in that film are priceless illustrations, in my opinion. I highly recommend at least the first half to anyone who is unsure of the logic, or new here. Did anyone else enjoy it? Agree or disagree with my take? Are there any similar films you can recommend?",,8,gabyvfontaine,2023-10-13 13:18:26 RedPillWomen,1768p08,Discussion: Sex & Feeling Sexy,"Most women have a receptive sex drive. We may not be into sex with our partners until things get going or he does something to trigger sexy feelings. I have noticed, for myself, that *feeling* sexy will put me into a much more receptive mood. This can mean getting dressed and doing hair and make up before sexy time starts. I've also found physical activities that get my body moving in a specific way (dance or yoga) can put me in a more receptive mood. What do you do to hack your brain to get in the mood? Does your partner have a high drive or do you? Does feeling pretty/sexy make you more likely to desire sex? etc etc etc *^(I have lots of thoughts on the matter, like that we spend all of our dating time getting dressed up and going out and then taper that down as we get comfortable and this is a contributing factor to lowered rates of sex later in relationships...but I'm going to leave this all for discussion in the comments -- but basically, anything discussion you want to have around the topic, let go!)*",,50,Deliaallmylife,2023-10-12 14:46:17 RedPillWomen,176dss9,Setting boundaries in feminine way / anxious attachment,"Hi, I am working on myself and my self worth. In the past I have struggled with holding boundaries. I am working on my feminine energy and anxious attachment style. I am open to any ideas on how to work on this more. I also have a specific issue. I became exclusive with my ex again without him asking me to be exclusive. We are long distance and talk everyday and have been involved for a year. We do visit but he doesn’t schedule and it makes me so emotional. I feel really anxious when we don’t have time scheduled to visit and he hasn’t offered commitment yet. He knows that is what I want. He is avoidant attachment style and I am his first serious relationship. I am not getting what I need right now (scheduled visits and official relationship status). I want to date other people if he can’t give me these things. I shared what I wanted in a sit down conversation and email. We have talked again about it. I have made mistakes of trying to force these things instead of inspiring them. I become really anxious because he is avoidant and I want things to move along. How do you set and enforce a boundary in a feminine way? I want to book a trip there in two weeks and he knows this. The anxiety is excruciating. I can’t wait around forever. I feel like this man could be my husband. It’s been six months since we broke up and I have been patient. He freaked out about seriousness and that’s why we broke up and he has been exclusive to me. He does seem to follow some red pill ideology. He does call me everyday and is invested but I want more. How do you set and hold boundaries in a feminine way? How can I inspire him. Open to your ideas ladies.",,11,chirp20,2023-10-12 18:25:16 RedPillWomen,176e002,Courses on female seduction and eroticism?,"Does anyone know recommendable workshops/courses, blogs or trainings made by or for high class escorts, concubines,geishas, sex workers etc. around the topics of seduction, eroticism,charisma and femininity? Language does not matter.",,2,New-Noise802,2023-10-12 18:33:56 RedPillWomen,1752xr9,How should I address the fact that I’m not physically attracted the men in my league?,"So I 28F am average looking (5-6 based on r/truerateme)and based on my experience the men who approach me 95% of the time I have no physical chemistry with. That has been the case my whole life. My first boyfriend was my looksmatch(we didn’t get sexual because I was waiting for marriage at the time and maybe also I didn’t have the urge to do it with him) and eventhough I really enjoyed spending time with him physical touch and kissing felt like a chore. I got with him thinking it will develop later but it didn’t so I broke up with him after 6 months. Recently I had relations with someone physically maybe ~2 point more attractive than me and I was very attracted to him physically but obviously he didn’t want to commit to me so I broke it off. It was very hurtful because we were involved for a year and a half and he was the only person I got sexual with but it teached me a lot. I’m just sad I wouldn’t feel that passion with someone who is more my looksmatch and wants to have a long term relationship with me. I don’t want to be faking it for a lifetime and it wouldn’t be fair to the person neither. How should I deal with this problem? How can I manage my expectations?",,48,Nibahbe,2023-10-11 02:11:24 RedPillWomen,174goky,My ex husband is trying to take our child,"Hi there. I am scared, searching for answers and need the perspective of this community. Long story short, my ex husband and I got married in 2014. He encouraged me to go to grad school while we were still dating, and I supported both of us with my grad assistant salary. I finished my PhD in Agricultural Science a year after our child was born. When our child was 16 months old, he announced he had been cheating on me with his junior colleague for a year and a half and was leaving me. We never fought/argued, and I considered him my soulmate, so it was a serious shock. He never gave me an opportunity to address whatever issues he may have had. He never offered explanation as to what went wrong in our marriage. He is now married to his former mistress. I have since moved on with my life, with no shortage of better men who want to become my second husband. For the past five years, he has been paying his tiny amount in child support and has seen our daughter two days a week. I have always been civil to him, which was far better than he deserved. He and his former-mistress-now-wife have a 2yo together and she is a tradwife, and he is a RPM. I frankly don’t concern myself with what they do, as much as possible. However, he recently brought a custody case against me. He wants to try to take full custody of our daughter, based on made-up legal BS. She is almost 7yo now and definitely prefers the safety and stability of my home. I am a single working mom, her bedrock and provider for the past five years. I take great pride in being a great mom. We surround ourselves with community and our amazing neighbors and friends with kids, live close to my family, see grandparents and cousins often. I volunteer at her school and Girl Scouts, am involved in PTA, we do all the enriching experiences (camping, museums, beach trips, festivals, etc). She is a happy, smart, funny, athletic, straight-A student. She is thriving. Also, I will likely marry my BF fairly soon, who my daughter loves and who is great with her. He will likely move into the house I own. He earns a decent income as a badass auto mechanic for classic cars, although I earn more, and we are happy with that. As a single mom, dating has been tough, but I have been careful to create a man-shaped hole in my life (I literally have a room in my house devoted to “future man cave” lol) and I think I found an amazing guy to fill it. So in this situation, with traditional family values in mind, why would my ex be suing for full custody of our daughter? What’s his motivation? Does he see me as a bad mom, just because I am a single mom? (He made me a single mom. I had no choice). Does he think our daughter would be better off being raised by his young tradwife, learning more gendered traditional things? Does he want to have control of our daughter, and resents that he doesn’t? Why would he want to take our daughter from me, her mother, who despite challenges, built a stable loving home? She would never recover from the trauma of being ripped away from her mom. How is that good family values? Please help me understand why. I came to this community to hear your all’s perspectives on this situation.",,20,Dance-Bird,2023-10-10 09:12:37 RedPillWomen,174fhbm,I really want more children but…,"I know whether or not to have more children isn’t something that the internet can tell me but I have no friends or family to talk it through with and would appreciate some input I have 3 lovely children, age 5 and under and in my heart I know I want more. I would love a big family and value my children and family a lot. I often look at them and feel so full of love It’s just so HARD. I know they are young and I’m in the trenches of motherhood but if I have more I want them similarly spaced in age We have a small amount of land which needs a lot of work and time which I’m struggling with, I’m struggling with the house (struggling with keeping it tidy as well as diy jobs that need doing) and we also home educate which isn’t a big issue now with the ages but that will need more time and effort as they grow My husband wants more children. Money isn’t really an issue, my husband doesn’t earn a huge amount but we live frugally and own our own home I just don’t feel like I’m doing a good enough job at the moment with the house and kids and I don’t want to add to that if I can’t cope with it. I have voiced this to my husband, he says I’m doing fine. Getting help from him with the house and kids isn’t really an option, I would like some help but I know he can’t and I appreciate that he is earning all the money for the family I’m just really at a loss of what to do",,11,Ok_Awareness_3132,2023-10-10 07:45:20 RedPillWomen,174jgci,Should I 26 F let my fiancé 30M sleep with other women?,"My fiancé ( M 30yrs) and I (F 26yrs) have been together for nearly 10 years and engaged for two. In the last few months he expressed and continues to express mutliple times that he wants to sleep with other women I’ve offered to compromise with having threesomes but he expresses that he would rather not have me there at all. He says I would make the experience less enjoyable or even sabotage it from even happening as I’d probably feel jealous. I am not comfortable with saying yes to him to sleep with other women. It’s basically become an argument abd he says that by not allowing him to sleep with other women, I am making him less successful because if he would be allowed, he would be more motivated to achieve more in life. What are your opinions for this relationship moving forward?",,0,ThrowRAsuccessbeach,2023-10-10 12:02:51 RedPillWomen,1731912,Trying to get back to myself,"Hey Ladies, I posted in here several weeks ago about us the LD skills and getting back together with my husband. After we got back together, he confessed to talking seriously with another woman for quite awhile. That really took the wind out of my sails and the past 4 months of surviving on anxiety and adrenaline has caught up with me. I have really withdrawn from church and work and any other social activities bc I feel like I just don’t have the energy and no longer feel like myself. I have been trying to do self care but not much interests me. Has anyone had this same experience? If so, what did you do and how did you get back to yourself? ** Part of the problem may also be that my husband is a homebody and doesn’t have much interest in being around people we used to associate with.",,10,patchouliflowers,2023-10-08 15:00:24 RedPillWomen,172bcaf,Non-violent communication hack,"Hi:) I have been aware of non-violent communication (NVC) for a long time (it is somewhat well known, has been around since the late 60’s) but I was reminded of it recently, looked it up and read over a summary of its principles and realized that it is in-line w/ what RPW suggests for conflict resolution. 1. Observations (objective, not judgments or evaluations) 2. Feelings (“I feel _ ”, not “I think _ ”) 3. Needs (universal needs, like love, freedom, or trust, “I want to feel _ ”) 4. Requests (not demands) I am so grateful for this space and all of the wisdom and instruction shared here, but I think that using outside resources to support us in strengthening our ability to practice what we learn here can be super helpful. There is the original book plus tons of articles, videos, and even classes you can take to learn NVC. I thought I would share this bc I think I need to work on it myself and I bet that others could benefit too❤️",,25,bbbunny123,2023-10-07 17:08:59 RedPillWomen,172mcrb,"I'm looking for good cooking blogs / YouTube channels, books etc mostly by women.","I enjoy watching cooking shows especially by women, I also want to find more variety of meals because I don't know what to eat on a daily basis! I am tired of the same thing. I would like to be better to myself and make nicer meals for me and her & my loved ones.😊 I also find that throughout my life I didn't get to eat a variety of meals, like growing up I would sort of eat the same thing every so often but changed up sometimes. I would like to eat all different types of foods, but I genuinely don't know many meals! And by that I mean for breakfast it'd be cerial, lunch a sandwich or something and then dinner anything with potatoes. It's okay sometimes, but I realise now as an adult that I don't know many different foods!! Hence to why I'm trying to find any good shows or anything at all. I wouldn't say I don't know how to cook, I'm sure I could if I tried but I genuinely don't know what to make!! And even grocery shopping... How do I know what to get! Do yall write a list? Do you only get what you will definitely use? So are your meals planned etc?... I could be overthinking this, so sorry but I'm 18 & would like to learn things. 😊 Oh and the only reason why I mostly want it to be by women is simply just because they are more comforting to me.",,6,rosettepearl,2023-10-08 01:12:23 RedPillWomen,1729p3v,Keep seeing this question,"I’ve been browsing some of the other women’s subs on this site and a question I keep seeing pop up is “why do men need emotional support from women?” They seem to acknowledge that men need emotional support but then cop out and say that men need to provide emotional support for other men, which is true. The problem is that for a lot of men, we need emotional support from women. I don’t know why, it just hits different. Just in case anyone was misguided by these other subs, I can assure you that men do in fact want emotional support and validation from women and that it’s not something that other men can provide for us.",,17,Ecstatic_Dingo3730,2023-10-07 15:58:24 RedPillWomen,171ihh7,I don't enjoy getting ready / dressing up daily as much as I used to...,"I used to always want to do my makeup and hair... Even when I'm just home, even when I'm alone etc... When you look good you feel good. 😊 I have noticed lately I don't really want to do my makeup, but whenever I have to go somewhere then I do it and usually I want to do it but sometimes it's just out of routine or I don't feel very put together without it... The thing that is slightly bothering me is that I used to always want to do it, not just when I go somewhere. I stopped wearing as much makeup as I used to this year and eventually I started to feel more comfortable without it. I used to not even let family see me without it. I think its because of how I cut down on makeup... Because I still enjoy putting on a nice, comfortable and pretty looking outfit... And I make sure to do my hair and stuff but I just leave the makeup... Most days now I just curl my eyelashes, lately I have really been into dark red lipstick so I dab some of that on my lips and I honestly think it makes such a difference and makes me feel prettier ☺️ But sometimes lately I am like what's the point... I don't like this! I want to get back to how I was before. I don't know if I have depression but I also struggle alot with basic self care and tasks. Everything feels like too much and I put it all off... But I used to atleast put makeup on everyday and make sure I look how I want... But I wasn't looking after my body ( physical health ) or my mental health just my face and hair I always had a passion to do that. Idk it bothers me a bit ! Maybe I'm just getting more comfortable in my own skin? I would like to get my hair done so I look prettier / polished and I honestly think then this thing will go because I will feel better even if I don't necessarily get dressed up or do my makeup. I daily atleast apply lipstick, and sometimes some eyeshadow too with curled lashes. Has anyone else experienced this?! 😞 Partly it is just because I don't wear makeup as much anymore, on days that I feel good I will apply the red lipstick💄and curl my eyelashes. And style my hair. But some days I just feel like I don't have the energy ... Maybe I'm being hard on myself. But I hate those days because I love when I feel good and style myself how I like...",,14,rosettepearl,2023-10-06 17:32:32 RedPillWomen,171092p,Maintaining respect in marriage/ltr,"Hi, I am a full-time nanny which has allowed me to see a lot of marriages up close. I am aware that the period I am witnessing, when children are young, is one that puts stress on the relationship. But, I am struck by the lack of respect and kindness towards one another I see in parents, not as the exception to how they interact w/ each other, but as the rule in virtually all of my clients on a day-to-day basis. I have seen it so much but it literally hurts to watch and shocks me regularly, though I try not to judge. My clients, some of whom I spent years with, were/are respectful and kind to me, I think they are good parents and good people. I want to understand how this happens and how it can be avoided. I am a few months into a relationship with a man whom I deeply respect, we treat each other with lots of care and consideration (like most new couples do lol), but if it grows into something more, I never want that to disappear and be replaced with resentment, disregard, and cruelty/coldness. I get the feeling that it’s like a “familiarity breeds contempt” kind of thing. I saw it in my parents too, they literally acted like siblings who hated each other. I am really sensitive, prob bc of that, and seeing the atmospheres of hostility people create in their marriages, and ultimately their homes, and get so used to, sometimes makes me cry on my way home lmao. I have read almost all of the suggested reading for this Reddit, and I also practice Buddhism w/ a focus on loving kindness, so I feel like those combined are equipping me to be more conscious of my behavior. But after seeing it so much, I can’t be naive/prideful enough to believe I could never end up in their shoes. I would love to hear how women here have maintained respect (and esp. respectful communication, actions, even just like manners/courtesy) and healthy, loving relationships and have avoided normalizing treating (and being treated by obv, but I know our actions are the only thing we control) the man they love with disrespect. Thank you❤️ and sorry for wordiness😅",,34,bbbunny123,2023-10-06 02:02:17 RedPillWomen,170u4un,"Those of you who waited until marriage to have sex, was it worth it? And those who did not, was no big deal?","I grew up in a fairly stereotypical conservative/traditional household. My family are not religious but they do hold traditional values, and I was always taught growing up (mostly by my mother) that it was best to remain a virgin until marriage - it wasn’t a ‘must’, more like ‘try it if you can’ sort of thing. I’ve been tempted a few times but never really felt a strong desire for any man, so for the most part this has been fairly easy for me. However, I’m currently seeing a man and my desire for him grows stronger with every date (funnily enough I posted a few weeks ago in this sub asking if I should continue seeing him as I wasn’t initially attracted…happy to say that I now see him in a completely different light!) We are of course still at the early stages of dating so I’m still vetting. However this man is so different to all the guys I’ve dated in the past. He is a man of his word, is kind and generous, and is not afraid to jump into a leadership position when the occasion calls for it. I feel so safe with him. And I feel a strong desire for him that I have not felt for any other man. I have sexually desired two other guys in the past but the desire was purely based on attraction - with this guy I had no attraction to him at the start but after getting to know him, he is so incredibly sexy to me. He’s been very patient with me, and made it clear that whilst he wants to sleep with me he is happy to wait (which ironically made me want him even more!) I’m 30 so losing my virginity feels like a big deal. I have not told him I am a virgin, only that I was not ready for sex yet. I honestly want him to be my first regardless of whether we get married or not. But at the same time I don’t know if it’s just my hormones talking! So I wanted to get some perspectives from all the ladies here - did you or did you not wait for marriage, and was it worth it? Or is it really no big deal in the end?",,43,-ladykitsune-,2023-10-05 21:36:03 RedPillWomen,17199f6,I spoke to him about us and if he can promise me future together after 2 months together. He was vague,"(He is 38 btw) We have been together every day since we started going out, and we are a match made in heaven. I know his family and friends, and I trust him. When we had the conversation to be oficially in a relationship he said he wants family and he doesn't have a family yet because he didnt meet the right person. Today the topic arose again as I have to make an important decision whether to move to another city. I told him this and he said that destiny arranges and will arrange things the right way, and no matter what happens it would be the right thing to happen (He is very spiritual too). He also said that its to early to be having this conversation. I dont know if he thought that I am directly asking him for a ring, but at least I expected a different answer. I don't understand why he left this decision on me. I am really confused and dont know what to do.",,3,90210534,2023-10-06 10:57:00 RedPillWomen,171f689,Is marriage inherently emasculating to a man?,"Hello, I am a 25 year old guy, and I’m very curious about what the red pill women think about this. As we all know, a woman’s baseline goal is to get commitment and the focus out of the highest quality man she can find. A man’s baseline goal is to get sex with as many high quality women as possible. My question is: Because a man’s and a woman’s mating strategies are inherently misaligned, doesn’t that mean that a man forfeiting his desire to have multiple women ultimately mean he is submitting to the woman’s desire? Isn’t that emasculating and in fact, ultimately a turn off to the woman he gives his undying commitment to? I know it sounds controversial, but if you think about it, it ends up making sense, especially when looking at other mammals, especially primates, in the natural world. I.e. Females dislike having to share the alpha male with other harem members, but they do so regardless because their desire for security from that alpha male is more important than their desire for sexual exclusivity. And because there is only one male on the top of the mountain, they have no choice but to make this concession. Also the reality of pre-selection, aka he’s hotter because other women want him or are around him, adds to this point no? I’d love to hear any thoughts on this.",,0,Riskiest-Elk,2023-10-06 15:23:40 RedPillWomen,1703ote,Uhm I commented and got banned from 3 SUBS?!,Has this happened to anyone else?? I only commented cause I got curious and now I’m banned from 3 subs that cater to black women and I’m so sad because wtf?!?! 😭,,66,BlackKleenexBox,2023-10-05 00:30:41 RedPillWomen,16ztos7,"Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts","> Listen to Mustn'ts, child, listen to the Don'ts. >Listen to the Shouldn'ts, the Impossibles, the Won'ts. > Listen to the Never Haves, then listen close to me. > Anything can happen, child, Anything can be. > ~ Shel Silverstein *The poem is barely related to what I'm about to say, I just like it* I've seen a lot of *shoulds* and *shouldn't* going around RPW lately and am reminded by one of The Great and Powerful Whisper's oft repeated turns of phrase: > Should just means ""I want"" Of course there are things that we should do because we have negotiated them with ourselves or our partners. I should make dinner because that is one of my agreed upon chores. My husband should take out the trash because that is one of his agreed upon chores. The key is that these are things we *agreed upon*. If I were to say (without discussion) that my husband should mow the lawn himself because that's a man job, in reality, I'm saying ""I want him to mow the lawn because I think it's masculine"". That does not mean that he *should* mow the lawn. He could have any number of ways to get the lawn mowed, I just *want* him to do it himself because of my own personal values. Should, in this context, sets up a covert contract of sorts. I've decided that he needs to be doing something that I desire. If I haven't discussed with him what I want (to view him as masculine) but instead say ""mow the lawn"", I'm setting us both up for potential failure. This can also be applied when giving advice. As RPW moves more and more in the direction of Traditional Values, we see a considerable amount of advice that states what an OP's partner *should do* because this community *wants* OP's partner to do that thing. Advice like this is often a waste of the time it takes to type. If a man doesn't pay one dates, or text enough, or cut out all the thirst traps or whatever, saying he *should* behave in a different way is not advice. It is us telling an OP ""we want your man to behave differently"". She wants that too, she doesn't know how to do get him to behave differently and ultimately she is only capable of changing herself. Wanting someone to do something is a desire and no more. And as Laura Doyle points out, communicating your desires is much more powerful than nagging or demanding. When you find yourself saying ""you should"" try to rephrase it to ""I want"" and start your communication there.",,35,Deliaallmylife,2023-10-04 17:45:56 RedPillWomen,16zt9sg,A last attempt to fix my relationship,"Hello ladies. This is a bit of a vent/ brain dump/ seeking advice post. I've posted before about my relationship in terms of how to regain trust/ respect and what to do if you find out your partner is cheating. I ended up confronting my partner on his infidelity. He was upset in the way I handled things but ultimately reassured me that nothing had really happened and I was being told lies. We're still together but I'm really struggling in being a good girlfriend. I'm angry and crazy not as affectionate as I should be. We struggled with intimacy before and I understand it's an important component to him that lead to his borderline unfaithfulness and that I need to be more affectionate and sexually available to meet his needs. Unfortunately, my libido is even lower now and borders on non-existent. Regardless, I've been trying not to say ""no"" but the issue is that I really struggle to be into it which makes it unenjoyable for him. Maybe I could just try/ act like I'm into it, but honestly with all my emotions the whole thing just makes me want to cry which I'm sure would be even less desirable for him. It's sad to admit, but I've lost a lot of respect and attraction for him. I'm trying to mentally list everything good he does that I appreciate (as per some of the advice here) but it hasn't really been balancing out all my negative emotions. I've tried bringing up ideas for improvement and how I feel but not much has changed. Admittedly I should better follow the advice here of simply bringing him the problem instead of nagging him about solutions so that's something I can do. But overall I'm really struggling with what else *to do*. I can/ should: * Take deep breaths/ count to 10 etc. to control my emotions and not speak angrily towards him * Simply bring up how I feel instead of ""I really need this to change/ I need you to be more xyz"" and act more feminine about it ie. ""baby, it makes me feel really sad when you act like xyz"" * Find a good time to sit down with him and properly discuss everything? I've asked him to tell me when a good time for this would be as I'm recognizing that me angrily telling him 10+ times a day what needs to change isn't getting me anywhere and probably making him feel bad/ unappreciated etc. * Support him (I've read here that a good way to do this is: accept, admire and appreciate him). * side note/ issue for me regarding all this: it is SO HARD to 'clean up your side of the street' and better yourself and try to be a better partner in the hopes that this will allow them to step more into their role and better meet your needs. I think it takes a special type of woman to give more of herself during a time when her needs aren't being met in the hopes that eventually her partner will become more satisfied himself and then be able to maybe give her what she needs. The quote that sums up what I mean is: ”If you treat a man as he is, he will stay as he is, but if you treat him as if he were what he ought to be and could be, he will become the bigger and better man” -Goethe * Couple's counselling: this is really expensive and from our previous experience with it, not really at all helpful so it's not really in the cards now. * *Suggest a one-sided open relationship so he can be sexually satisfied while we try to fix our relationship?? I know the argument here is then ""but how can you be upset over his borderline unfaithfulness if you're suggesting an open relationship?"" and the answer is a combination of: it's the lying/ disrespect that bothers me most and I sort of don't care right now if he goes out with other women which I know isn't the most positive indication of how my relationship is going but it's the truth. I just have no desire towards sex whatsoever right now.* * ? I know that most of the advice I've received and will receive will be along the lines of ""this doesn't sound healthy for either of you. You should consider going your separate ways."" but I honestly still feel like I should keep trying and that there's more of me to give and more to do. Most of my feelings are extremely harsh and I can't see any kind/ feminine way to bring it up to him without completely ruining my relationship. I'm struggling with my attraction and respect. And so far my list making and trying to take note of the little things hasn't been as fruitful as I had hoped. I feel horrible saying this but really, in order for me to respect/ admire him... he needs to do something worth me respecting and admiring. Obviously I can't make him do anything which is why I'm just trying to focus on what *I* can do. I want to respect and admire him and be more sexually available. Things now are ... fine. But this can't continue especially into marriage and children. I know a lot of this probably comes off as pathetic but I really want to try absolutely everything to make this work so any advice is appreciated.",,7,West_Army_160,2023-10-04 17:29:30 RedPillWomen,16zg31y,Is it a red flag if he follows a lot of Instagram models?,"I finally felt like I had found my guy in my dating search. A seemingly high value man asked me to be his girlfriend and I decided I most likely will say yes so long as we are on the same page regarding children, biblical gender roles, and him being ok with me having some issues with my health that I haven’t revealed yet. He owns his own home in my town, has a good job that takes him traveling to where I’m from on an annual basis, has been kind, chivalrous, attentive, pays for everything and we have good chemistry. I wasn’t 100% sure if I was attracted to him at first but kissing and cuddling with him feels very right and he’s growing on me looks wise. He’s 41, never been married with no kids. He was engaged a long time ago but his fiancé died of cancer. He supported her through her treatments and hasn't had a serious relationship since as he was grieving for a long time after. He said he just wasn’t in the right headspace to have a relationship, women he dated moved back to the mainland, and maybe he just never met the right woman. I am 34, never married and no kids, and broke off an engagement 10 months ago because my ex turned out to be a sex/porn addict who was seeking prostitutes and random hookups on reddit, as well as likely had some clinical form of narcissism or sociopathy. Given my prior circumstances, I am trying to be very cautious with who I move forward with in an exclusive relationship as I have many other suitors as well that I would have to turn down and of course time is of the essence as I am turning 35 in 3 months. His work trip is taking him away for 2.5 months, so I didn’t feel right accepting his offer right away as we’ve only been on 5 dates over the course of a month. I do realize, however, that if things continue to go well with some of the other men I’m dating they will likely ask me to be their girlfriend before he gets back, so I will have to make a decision either way. He seems to be my best option by a long shot. We are planning to do a lot of video chatting while he’s gone and I’m hoping the distance will strengthen our relationship even more as the distance will delay us getting physical for quite a while. I’m exhausted of going out on 5-6 dates a week and my therapist really liked the sound of him and encouraged me to let the other guys go so I could focus on myself and getting myself ready for when he gets back (almost like a mini nun mode). I live in Hawaii in one of the most expensive towns so the fact that he owns a home here while working a blue collar job is very impressive and quite rare. I did just come up against a wall however… we’re friends on Instagram and I decided to look at who he follows and there are a lot of half naked Instagram models, tacky ones with fake lip and cheek injections, etc. This is a major red flag for me after dealing with my ex who followed hundreds of the same accounts (he follows maybe 75-100). I planned to bring up porn/porn addiction as one of my questions. He claims to be a Christian but I don’t think he’s going to church regularly (to be honest, neither have I). I am hoping we can go to church together when he comes back and grow spiritually together. I definitely think I would need some kind of commitment to step away from the models/porn for me to move forward but I’m curious what others think about if this is a red flag/dealbreaker or not.",,36,No_Control7023,2023-10-04 06:46:51 RedPillWomen,16yfmxb,told friends I never say no to sex,"I told my friends I never say no to sex (except for serious illness or injury which my husband wouldn't ask for sex if it were actually very painful or dangerous). First I love sex with my husband. Are there times I'm tired or not technically in the mood? Sure. But I would never say no. My friends felt it was so horrible and degrading. But the way I see it, before marrying me my husband could have sex with so many women. He made the choice to marry me and just be with me. As a good wife, I want him to feel I'm available to him whenever he wants and needs. Even if im tired I put in effort, give him head etc. If he's in the sauna and the other men are complaining about their sexless marriages, I want him to be able to say oh my wife never says no. What's so horrible and degrading about being desired by your husband?",,270,EcstaticPlastic3783,2023-10-03 02:07:32 RedPillWomen,16ymymb,My[24F] boyfriend [27M] implied that his work is affected due to me. I don't know how to process that,"I am changing details because he lurks around these subreddits. Me and my bf are LDR now & he is working on a project of his own after resigning from his job. We have time difference of ~10 hours so when its morning for me, its night for him and so on. We spend time when he wakes up in the morning ( my night time ) by talking, playing games, watching Netflix together. I want to spend so much time with him that I fall asleep later than I intended. Then I wake up in morning, get ready for work and message him again. We talk for a while . He then goes to sleep sometime after I start my work. Today he seemed desperate and said that his project isn't going as expected so he should just take up job. Taken aback I consoled him. I asked if spending time with me affected his work. He said yes and that we should only spend time his morning so that he can spend rest of the time working. He said that I can of course text him during my morning but not overthink if he doesn't reply in time- normally he keeps checking for my pings and it breaks his concentration. He said he must amp up the productivity lest he runs out his savings. I am hurt by this. I feel as if I am holding him back from his work and also bit angry that he could have said this much before instead of going with it till now for months. I feel so bad knowing I am holding him back and possibly making him poorer. This thought is making me spiral I don't know what should I do? I respected his request. But I still keep thinking about this",,7,rpw_throwaway1,2023-10-03 09:14:57 RedPillWomen,16yk5im,Where can I find this type of husband?,"Hi! I'm a divorced 30f (yes I did have biblical grounds, no I was not at fault). My dream is to become a SAHW or SAHM. It's hard to find conservative men who have basic Christian beliefs and who actually want to be faithful to their current partner. Most men prefer shacking up and/or sleeping around to marriage, ugh. Is there a dating site where people who think like us can get matched up? I've found most men on the internet to be liars or just total creeps/perverts. Thank God I vet people before I meet them IRL because I've dodged a lot of bullets that way (think: married men and felons, including one convicted serial killer). Ladies, where did you meet your husband if you have a good husband like this?",,8,the_catmom,2023-10-03 06:08:06 RedPillWomen,16y5jfr,"I (18f) haven't had any education since I was 12, I am now 18 & feel lost and scared, is there anything I can do to help myself and get on the right track.","I just stopped going years ago I wasn't thinking properly :/ and I'm from a family / culture that doesn't really take these things seriously, I was just expected to stay home and one day be a wife. It's not really that simple though, my mom was mentally ill and my father was dying when I stopped going. Looking back I think I needed support and was overwhelmed because it was very scary and hurtful knowing someone you knew your whole life is going to die, then on top of that I carried so much guilt because I felt bad for my mom... There was and is a whole lot of stability in my home life... I need help but I am very scared and embarrassed to open up to anyone about all of this. I am so "" dumb "" I'm so far behind and I was never smart, I always struggled with maths but I was good at English and writing... I would like to be able to have a normal life and maybe become a hairdresser but it all seems so impossible :( I get it looks like my parents failed me but the adults around me didn't take these things seriously and my mom is still mentally unstanle my older siblings and father ( before he died ) always had to take care of her. Even if there is something I could do online I would love that. I am socially anxious sometimes, especially with this situation :( I know there would be adults who wouldn't judge and would genuinely care but I feel like most would just not want to help me or give up on me. Throughout these years I had depression ( I think it was depression anyway .. ) And I eventually found myself in a dark hole I felt like I wouldn't be able to do anything I want in my life and that I won't even be able to get a job to earn some money... I eventually got a bit better mentally because I opened up to a trusted loved one who is a bit older than me and she helped me... I realised we all have times in our life where we feel this way. For me I sometimes feel I'm the worst case because of how far behind I am in Literally everything... try to have faith, I don't want to get really depressed again because it might lead to suicide & I don't want to do that to myself or loved ones! And I want to be able to live and be happy. I am very scared about everything, I made a few posts like this and I got some guidance but I'm looking for more... If there is anything at all I can do online and in real life please share, I prefer it online because I get really anxious and I might overthink and let the anxiety win. :/ I wish I was just being hard on myself but I feel like there is no helping me, I tend to overthink and in the moment things feel bigger than they actually are... I hope that's what this is. I want to get better now mentally and In all ways, I want to feel normal. There were times where I was going to go back to school but I only went for a day at 15 and I felt so behind and hopeless so I didn't go back, 15 year old me felt embarrassed and stuck, I should have spoken up to the adults but I was too shy. :( As a child I didn't know what I would be, I knew I was interested in hairdressing or anything "" girly "" but I wasn't really raised by people who taught me to take it all serious, I always thought somehow I'd be okay... Looking back I know it's not exactly my fault because the adults in my life should have been looking after me properly and guiding me, but there were many reasons things didn't work out like that... As for now I just want to feel hope & be able to get any job for now to earn money and for some structure / routine in my life, and practice tbings now and eventually get into hairdressing or something. 😊 I have cried many times because of all of this, I feel hopeless :( and I feel alien around most people my age due to how I have felt mentally the last few years, and of course these reasons... I don't have any friends, I have two older siblings for support or stuff and we are close so that's enough for me. I have posted this in a few different places, not because I'm a troll or anything I just want as much support, encouragement and advice 💓 I know there are some lovely and nice people out there among the bad ones. I hope I don't seem like a spammer I just need help ... And I feel the women in here are helpful and nice sometimes. Edit: I'm not TOO fussed about catching up on EVERYTHING ( learning wise ) I just want to be atleast average... I want a job for now to earn money but I don't know where or how I can get a job, I also don't think most would accept me due to my lack of educations :( then I want to get into hairdressing or something eventually 😊",,15,flowerytears,2023-10-02 19:17:38 RedPillWomen,16y7pc8,Good cooking shows / online things specifically for women? Or anything online that could help me,I'm looking to learn more about cooking and different meals to make. I would like some good cooking shows...,,8,rosettepearl,2023-10-02 20:39:25 RedPillWomen,16y7fpo,Is Red Pill Compatible with Being a Switch?,"\[Serious\] Hi Ladies, long time lurked, first time poster. Firstly I would like to say I am so glad this community exists, I think it is such a positive to have it on the internet. I am a Christian, and even though RPW ideology does not always match my Christian philosophy, it does a lot, so I have found the posts here very helpful. I think that men leading their wives out of love and women submitting to their husbands out of respect is that natural order of things. I am a virgin and am saving myself for marriage, however thanks to the internet I have unfortunately lost my mental virginity having discovered lots of strange and bizarre f\*tishes and things. This is something I somewhat regret but I have decided to take the mindset that if I cannot give my future spouse my mental innocence, then I might as well be as well researched as possible so I can perform my acts of service with confidence from the wedding night onwards; in for a penny in for a pound. Although I cannot be certain (due to lack of experience) I think there are a bunch of k\*nks I might have – but they are causing me some worry. My (suspected) k\*nks are not to do with specific actions or body parts – which I think are more common with men – but to do with different dominance hierarchies of intimacy. (Submission and domination stuff) I am all for wives submitting to their husbands in day-to-day life, but does that have to be maintained in the bedroom? As far as I have found in dominance/submission play you can either be a dominant, submissive or a switch (someone who likes both). I think I am a switch as I seem to like the idea of both being very submissive with my future spouse, but also dominating as well. I have been reading up on the mirror variants of all the domination k\*nks: |Mandom:|Femdom:| |:-|:-| |DDLG|MDLB| |DaddyDom|MommyDom| |Anal|Pegging| |Master/Slave|Mistress/Slave| |Dominator|Dominatrix| |CMNF|CFNM| |Deep Throating|Face Riding| |And so on|And so on| As well as unis\*x degrading things: * Bondage * Begging * Peeing on/in each other * Impact play (smacking/slapping/choking/hair pulling) I like the idea of doing all of them but I am worried as that would involve reversing dominance roles from the norm. I have read different opinions from different people who say that they either think such intimate relationships can work or cannot. Those that seem to say they can work do not seem to be red-pilled though so I am wondering if being a switch is compatible with Red Pill ideology? I have read comments from women who had husbands who wanted to be pegged and they found that it emasculated them in their eyes and causes them to loose respect for them. However I have also read comments from women (who were Christians) who were very enthusiastic about pegging as it put their husbands in positions of complete trust and vulnerability and allowed them to receive the surrender of their husbands and understand how great that must make their husbands feel when they do it for them. So what do you lot think? Would having a standard Red Pill relationship outside the bedroom be ruined by a switch relationship inside the bedroom? Would the woman lose respect for her Captain as he is emasculated in her eyes, and would the Captain be put off his First-Mate from seeing her being so dominant and controlling? And if it is fine, how would I go about finding someone who wants to marry a switch? I really am a novice in this area so please be kind to me. Thank you for any help or advice offered. God bless you all.",,4,TheRedPilledLurker,2023-10-02 20:29:19 RedPillWomen,16xxzpv,My (17f) bf (18m) makes me insecure,"Hi I (17f) and my bf (18m) has been together for 9 months. I admire him deeply and I want to be with him. When we first started dating i was very confident, I have a good amount of friends and I’m very social. The thing is that my bf will sometimes make a big deal out of nothing (when I get sad about a mistake I made he literally says it’s nothing) he gets frustrated about small things like me not saying if I’m staying home from school or hanging out with a girlfriend even though he never tells me where he is (I don’t mind that). I feel like he doesn’t know that when you love someone you choose to live with their flaws. Because he has a comment on everything. He don’t like my clothes, my friends friends, my room, me talking too much and me talking too little and more. Idk what to do since this has left me second guessing everything I do. I don’t feel that pretty anymore because he says my style is too slutty even though it can just be jeans and a little cropped shirt. He said he liked my bellybutton piercing when we started dating, and now he calls it slutty even though I have explained that I’m insecure about my bellybutton and the piercing helps. He recently started telling me not to take everything so heavily because I get so disappointed in myself when he criticises me that I start crying. How can I tell him that he is the one making me this insecure and how can I save this relationship? TL;DR my bf keeps criticising what I do and how I behave and it’s taking a toll on my mental health.",,6,Majestic_Chemical_86,2023-10-02 14:23:20 RedPillWomen,16x2ilp,"whenever I tell someone about a guy I'm seeing everything goes wrong all of sudden, help","basically the title, whenever I tell my friends or my family about a guy I've been talking to it ends up with me being ghosted the next day or him doing a full 180° and me losing interest very soon. it's making me think twice before telling anyone about my love life, and I hate it because I want to show my excitement to my people. I've been talking to an amazing guy for the past month and I still haven't told anyone about him, and I'm afraid the moment I do, whatever it is we have will be gone, I'm afraid even by posting about it now I'll jinx it. any insight or advice will be very appreciated please.",,32,poetically-living,2023-10-01 14:22:17 RedPillWomen,16wvlv8,Overnight he said he doesn't love me,"Girls, help!! For over a year I thought our relationship was truly heavenly. I follow RPW principles and he really likes my behavior . Sex is amazing too between us. I also keep my boundaries, my independence, I keep up my appearance, and I tried to be a good and loving girlfriend. He said, I'm an amazing girlfriend. But today he decided he doesn't love me. He said, he's not sure what is love, but he often doesn't want to be around me. And that recently we haven't been so connected. But when I make bids for connection, he sometimes doesn't take them. When I stop, he stops as well. I don't get it? I'm quite the GOFL. I have no mental issues and I am pretty and I exercise and I have a degree. I want to commit to someone who is committed to me. This includes emotionally. In my personal experience, if you're not sure that you love someone, then that means you don't. I either wish he'd be sure and we'd be together forever, or that he'd be unsure and I'd be able to leave healthily without taking him back. I have this habit of going back to exes. Should I meet him in person? Should we even talk? Am I asking for too much, in asking for certainty? He says my thinking is black and white. But, it's based on my experience. His change was overnight. I want a solid plan how to leave and not take him back even though it's gonna hurt. Edit: It was a very silly misunderstanding! Of course female brain went to expand and catastrophize before getting answers. I was surprised to find he is innocent beyond my expectation. Here's what changed overnight: he read online that some girls feel offended if their partner looks at them in a sexual way in non-sexual situations. Due to his upbringing, he feels strong sexual desire is immoral. He doesn't think about sex when he's alone, but he thinks about it strongly when he is around me. Because of what he read, he feared that he doesn't love me ""purely"", therefore he can't claim that he loves me. But dear to God, he is a good partner. He said, he tried for one week to not touch me, because he wanted those sexual thoughts to 'go away' to not ""hurt"" me. But, it didn't work, so he avoided meeting me entirely. That worked for him. Then he came to the conclusion that his love is ""impure"" and therefore it's not love. I assured him that I don't feel hurt by those thoughts, I feel flattered, in fact I often share those thoughts too. I told him that I am blessed by how thoughtful and loyal he is and I'd rather he meet me than avoid. We reconciled.",,31,flower_power_g1rl,2023-10-01 08:25:50 RedPillWomen,16wffod,Do I still have potential?,"Hi everyone. I am a 27 year old female woman. I have to say that I lived my early twenties pretty much as a promiscuous girl. A lot of dates, one night stands and short relationships. I figured out with my therapist where my behavior came from. I really feel like I am a different girl now. How do I improve to be a high value woman? And do I still have potential to find a good partner for me? Do I have to be open about my background? Hope u can help X",,21,Mission_Eggplant_416,2023-09-30 19:24:56 RedPillWomen,16vbf0v,How do you bring up you’d like to be a stay at home mom/provided for after a few dates?,"Hi all, I keep reading that this is something to bring up ASAP, but I’m quite nervous to do it and not sure exactly what to say. He has been bringing up having a family, and nice places to live a lot. I vaguely said I’d like to not focus on my career so much, and focus on family instead. He said something like it’s your choice… both is possible. But really I don’t want a traditional career at all. I’d like to start a business or maybe help him with his. How to say this more directly next time?",,28,Independent-Hall4929,2023-09-29 13:16:52 RedPillWomen,16vh5ck,should i use him or drop him ?,"I (20F) met a lawyer (40M) by chance during an political event. We talked about our studies, politics and he asked me my number to stay in touch. The man comes from a very rich family , works in Dubai, works with a lot of political men and ... is a free mason. ( i knew that during our second meeting). Basically he sent me a message to ask me if he could see me to get a coffee because he was in my city. I'm not going to lie i was a bit surprised but i told myself : ""just go , see and get an intership in a good law cabinet"". I saw him and we talked about my studies, his life, my life ... he told me that he could easily get me an intership. I was like ""fine my mission is ended"". In the end of the date/ Meeting i realised that he wanted to have something with me . He asked me if he could see me an other time in a restaurant, if he can see me after midnight. he proposed me take me to Dubai , Paris ( i never believed him ) . He asked me if i had a boyfriend, told me that he wasn't married ( but he is ). I felt like he was somebody with a big influence, i wasn't impressed by that but i felt it, at least this is what he wanted to show to me. Basically , I just faked being impressed and interested with what he was saying just to protect myself and because i just wanted to have my internship. The rest didn't matter to me. When I came home I had a lot of introspection. I did not want to talk to him again, but in a way i'm also thinking about my carreer. I'd love to do this internship. He sent me a message 2 weeks later to take news from me. I still haven't answer, i don't know what to do. Should i use his contacts to get this intership or should i continue to ghost him ? &#x200B; EDIT : thank you for your anwsers. I'll continue to ghost him and i realised that it wasn't worth it at all. I will find an other internship by myself. I'm young in this game that's why i was asking you this question. I did ghosted him but a part of me felt like I was missing something. Conclusion : **always trust your gut.** &#x200B; Thank you in advance.",,6,Rough_Coconut_5982,2023-09-29 17:04:26 RedPillWomen,16uszp7,How to screen out men who aren’t able/willing to be a provider,"I’m a Christian and in the Bible it lays out the roles very clear that it is the man’s responsibility to provide for his household where as the women’s responsibility is to take care of the home. I also have some health issues and my life circumstances have lead me to only working part time for most of my life. My parents have helped me out here and there and I did work full time for 6 months and was making a very high salary so I actually had a stay at home boyfriend at the time who was helping me manage household affairs. I’m not sure I would of been able to do it otherwise. So I know the advice here is usually to not put your desires to be a SAHM out in the open right off the bat and that men need some time to be able to not be scared off by that thought, but to me that seems to be a huge gamble because down the line if they don’t see that as a possibility then it seems like a huge waste of time or a recipe for resentment. I am passionate about homemaking and follow some feminine homemaker content creators and they suggest bringing up early in dating that you see yourself staying home when the kids are young. I would ideally like to create some kind of income for myself on a part time basis from home but this would require a supportive partner. The current work I do is very physical and I know is not compatible with pregnancy. I have been managing this by mentioning outright at some point that I only worked full time for 6 months in my life and that it’s not for me… but not sure how much else I should disclose. I really am just squeezing by, unfortunately right now i’m not able to save and get by with foodstamps and Medicade. I had some unfortunate life events and racked up some credit card debt that I don’t really have much of a way to go beyond my minimum payments. I also can’t contribute much to dates but so far men have always insisted on paying, but i’m not sure how to cross that bridge when things get more established as I am used to men paying for most things and really can’t afford many extras. I know they say not to make a man my financial plan but I feel like that is my only way out, to find a guy who already has his own place and won’t expect me to contribute in a huge way to the bills so I can get myself in a better place financially before starting a family. I have no issues about using my extra free time to do 100% of the household maintenance, errands and a large share of the cooking. I’m not sure if I should ask outright how he feels about traditional gender roles or how I could be more discrete. Ideally I hope to find someone who will invest in me and the relationship so that I don’t have pressure to do the heavy physical labor I am doing now and can study a bit for medical coding or bookkeeping and make some crafts to sell so I can work from home. Matters are complicated a bit because I live in such a high cost of living area but that’s why I feel like someone who is well established with their own place would be my best bet since rent is a huge expense for me. My last ex was totally happy with the idea of me staying home full time but he made 6 figures.",,26,No_Control7023,2023-09-28 21:56:22 RedPillWomen,16u4p6x,Best way to get over a guy that doesn’t involve dating other men. Book recommendations? TIA.,"Had a dead end relationship. He misled me, strung me along, decided he wanted to be an open relationship. Basically screwed so many women while being with me that I’m disgusted. Regaining my power slowly. Reading books like why men love bitches. Any recommendations for things other than the insidious hookup culture is welcomed. Thanks!",,18,PerfectlyCoiffed,2023-09-28 03:04:01 RedPillWomen,16tu86h,Fearing reaction from my mom after telling her that my boyfriend is Arab,"Hi RPW. I recently met a guy who I really like. We have been on one date and we got on very well. I felt really comfortable with him. He's a few years older than me and we are both looking for a long term thing. He's told me that he is looking forward to meeting again, and so am I. I genuinely am excited to see him again. He lives 1 hour away from me , and next weekend he’s going to pick me up and we’re gonna go do something together. He is an Arab, and I find Middle Eastern men attractive and love the Arabic language. I also live with my mother. I lied about where I was going to my mom for our first date because I knew what her reaction would be- ‘eww why would you want to date an Arab?’. She will really make me feel bad for seeing this guy because she really dislikes the culture. This weekend I will be seeing him again and have decided that I am just going to be honest about where I’m going. I just don’t know how to go about this, or any advice on dealing with the backlash from her would be appreciated. Thank you!",,18,Diamond-pearls21,2023-09-27 19:55:05 RedPillWomen,16t4z95,Becoming my mother?,"I just had a new thought! My parents, who have been together for 50 years and who have one of the happiest and most delightful marriages I've ever witnessed, are completely redpilled, although I can guarantee they've never heard the term. My father is the most loving, generous, benevolent, confident Captain. He absolutely adores my mother- who trusts and respects him utterly and completely. There was never any doubt he was the head of the household. But everything he does, he does to support and take care of the family and her. And he is her hero – she still looks at him with starry eyes. What an incredible example they set! But I think I was more influenced by my friends, school, and I dismissed the example they set as being hopelessly old-fashioned and impossible to replicate in this day and age. And so I wrestled and competed for domination in my relationships, and it was miserable and full of nonstop conflict. Until -- I saw the light! And it suddenly all made sense. I've written about that epiphany in the past. It's a happy new thought that I'm actually finally becoming more similar to my gentle mother. Just thought I'd share.",,23,lifelonglistener,2023-09-27 00:14:24 RedPillWomen,16stxe2,Boyfriend says I talk at him- how do I become a better listener?,"Hi ladies! I’m in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend now for around a year. He works long hours and can’t text during the day, so we do most of our interaction for the day over FaceTime after he comes home from work. Last night I was telling him about my day and he became visibly annoyed, then later he confessed that he felt I was just talking AT him. I am so embarrassed, made me want to crawl into a hole and never speak again! Honestly, I really *thought* I was asking him questions about his day, but now I’m not so sure. I guess I just filled the empty space of conversation with an info dump. Need some advice- how do I not take this personally, and how can I be a better listener? How can I make our conversations more enjoyable or engaging for him? He is a great man; I’m not looking for any “leave him, girl!” advice since I feel this is a good skill in general for me to hone. Thanks ladies, have a nice day!!",,22,f3bru4ry14th,2023-09-26 17:18:37 RedPillWomen,16slo0j,"He is smart, sensitive, intelligent, I am attracted to him, everything I have looked for. But he isn't generous so I dont know what to do","I started dating this man around two months ago. He is smart, sensitive, makes me happy and I trust him. The problem I have with him which is a huge turn-off for me is that he isn't generos. He is calculating everything even with regards to the food we eat. I come from a family where my dad is a provider and it's how I see things. Any advices? I know you can't change a person thats why I havent spoken to him so I really dont know what to do.. I'd be ashamed to have such a conversation anyway. Apart from this I like him a lot but this is something that is kinda ruining it for me.",,18,90210534,2023-09-26 11:51:05 RedPillWomen,16rxdp1,Back to Basics September: 'Jealousy and the secret weapon against the forbidden fruit: honey',"For the entire month of September, we're revisiting some foundational posts in a series designed to serve as a RPW refresher. This week, we're finishing off with a classic post from RedPillWomen and covering some external resources. Today's post is selected by /u/pieorstrudel5, she mentions: > I like it because it's point is to be confident in yourself and the man you chose. It also underlines the importance of vetting (which is my personal favorite topic). If you vetted correctly and know your worth.... You don't need to be worried. > If you aren't confident in yourself or the man you chose... Then it can all fall apart. **Original Link and Discussions: [Jealousy and the secret weapon against the forbidden fruit: honey](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/az46d6/jealousy_and_the_secret_weapon_against_the/?share_id=bCgQfkTqRXUqPsgaY2zgJ)** --- There's been a lot of posts about jealousy over the past few weeks and I thought it might be helpful to share a strategy for fighting it. To paint out a common scenario: A couple has been in an LTR for an extended period of time and she notices that there is a girl texting him, making advances towards him, and exhibiting all-around flirtatious behavior that makes her uncomfortable about the whole ordeal. The first gut reaction of many women is to yell, be controlling, go through his phone, start drama with the girl directly, or confront either party about it. Even if she doesn't do any if these, she makes her animosity known because she's bitter about the mere mention of *that other girl*. Exhibiting these types of jealous behaviors does not work. Plain and simple. Nobody wants to be yelled at, have their privacy invaded, or deal with drama. Acting out this way can make a man think things like ""My girlfriend is extremely controlling and crazy, why am I with her?"" **Proceeding with these behaviors makes the forbidden fruit sweeter.** You're placing restrictions on what he can and cannot do. What did Simba do when Mufasa told him to never go to the shadowy land? He went to the shadowy land. What did Adam and Eve do when God said, well, yeah, you get the idea? Think about it. When you drive a wedge in and start drama, you're telling him that for whatever reason, you don't think you are good enough and you're worried the forbidden fruit is better. On top of that, that other girl, she's being flirtatious and fun. You? You are being a raging and controlling girlfriend. Now *who* is more fun to talk to right now? Definitely not you! So what should you do? **Get in the right mindset and fight the forbidden fruit with honey.** When outside factors and temptations come at your man, it's best to remember that **he is with you, and not that other girl, for a reason, and it's best to not let him forget that either.** Instead of letting jealousy and controlling behavior to rule you, let the interaction play out, and when it's over and he's still at your side, remind him about that cute little outfit you want to try on for him at home. Straddle him on his lap so he can't put the phone in his face and give him some sugar. If you're a pro, you can even get away with saying things like ""Oh, she's cute."" While making advances. **It works because it reinforces that you have something the forbidden fruit doesn't.** She may be batting her pretty little eyelashes at your friend's social function, but no matter how cute she thinks she is, you're the one who knows how to blow his mind in the bedroom at night. You know his favorite dish, you know exactly where that sore spot on his neck that he likes rubbed is, and you know that innocent little move you can do that drives him wild in public. You have knowledge on your side, and, well, she has eyelashes. **It works because the focus is brought back on your relationship instead of driving a wedge for the forbidden fruit to work its way in.** You're providing a positive distraction away from the forbidden fruit. When you grab his phone and go through it, or you get mad about it, you provide a negative distraction and opening the door for him to exhibit escapist behaviors, like getting angry and storming out. That gives the forbidden fruit the opportunity to slide right in. Acting this way is the easiest way to show a lack of respect and trust for your man which brings me to my third point: **He's less likely to hide his behaviors or be secretive if you are fighting the forbidden fruit with honey.** Making him feel comfortable to interact with the forbidden fruit will give you the opportunity to rate your vetting decision. A high quality man would decline her advances in a way the doesn't degrade the forbidden fruit, nor does it degrade you. Allowing the interaction to play out shows that **you trust him to make good decisions about your relationship and you respect him enough to not cause a scene.** On the flip side, if he's flirting back and acting in poor form, that's your sign that he may not be a high quality mate after all, and it's time to move on. Jealousy is something that may pop up in any relationship from time to time, and handling it smartly can make or break a relationship. Instead of letting the forbidden fruit become a temptation, remember that honey is sweeter and you have it at your disposal, not to mention honey is a display of trust and respect, and bitterness is a display of the exact opposite.",,20,FastLifePineapple,2023-09-25 16:52:49 RedPillWomen,16sms16,Opinion about multiple women in marriage,"I m curious what RedPillWomen actually thinking about their husband having more than one wife. Is that ok for you or thats a dealbreaker? Also the objective of the husband is to have as many kids as possible, therefore he wants more wifes to fullfi that wish. He is able to provide for them all financially.",,0,[deleted],2023-09-26 12:38:46 RedPillWomen,16rha3t,Looking for breakup advice :/,"Hi ladies. About a month ago I met this guy via a dating app who I really, REALLY clicked with (I’m 23, he’s 28). We share a lot of interests, values, opinions, and hobbies, and engage with each in such a way that I rarely engage with anyone, even most of my friends. I really admire him, I’m extremely attracted to him, and he’s moving at a pace I find really pleasant and respectful. This would be basically a PERFECT connection… if it wasn’t for the fact that he’s moving back to (unspecified state across the country) where he has an apartment, his car, all his belongings, and a pet VERY soon. Like within a few weeks. When we began talking we both established that we were looking for a relationship but he also made me aware of the upcoming move and I took a “we’ll get there when we get there” approach, but now that I’m attached, of course, I’m beginning to feel itchy, especially because we haven’t really discussed what’s actually going to happen then. He has asked to see me in the next couple days so it’s obvious we “like” each other but there’s also no boyfriend/girlfriend label or establishment of exclusivity or explicit talk about where things are going, and with time running out and not much initiative with regards to these topics on his part I’m just assuming the worst at this point. I’ve considered the idea of long distance; I have reservations but I’m also not flat-out opposed to it. That said, again, I anticipate most of the responses being “if he wanted to he would” — trust me, I’m aware. I’m mainly looking for advice on a respectable way to voice my feelings and break things off since at this point I don’t expect things to work but I’d like some closure and clarity. (Although if anyone wants to get my hopes up again you’re certainly welcome 😉)",,9,[deleted],2023-09-25 03:29:48 RedPillWomen,16rk00i,"I couldn't tell him what I want, I was waiting for him to tell me, so we are still undefined. What should I do?","So Ive been seeing him for a month, and we are literally every day together since 2 weeks. We are inseparable except when we work. I trust him and he trusts me. My problem is we haven't defined us. Yesterday I told him that we spend so much time together without knowing what we are. He was surprised that I told him that. He said he is more about actions than words, and asked what do I expect him to tell me, also he asked me what I wanted from us. He gave me options 1. Serious 2. Casual 3. Idk. I couldnt tell him because I wanted him to tell me what he wants. We act as a couple, he has introduced me to his family & friends and we are great in general. But should I raise the topic again in order to make it official? Even in a joking way given that I am sure in him and I dont actually need any serious talk, just a confirmation.",,6,90210534,2023-09-25 06:00:58 RedPillWomen,16r0l5y,Advice on prenup,"Me and my fiancee are going to get married in December. Due to some circumstances regarding to his past marriages, he arranged me a prenup. After meeting with his lawyer for discussing the prenup and declaration of assets and debts, i get a copy of the agreement and will inform the lawyer if i agree. These are some important clauses: A.) My husband owns 3 houses and 2 lands. He shall legally hand over one certificate of the house into my possession B.) The asset for which i am handed over is pledged as collateral in case: - There is a divorce due to infidelity by the husband - Divorce due to verbal, physical or psychological abuse by the husband - A diivorce is filed by the husband - Husband passed away C.) In the event of a divorce for any reason, regardless of the party filing for divorce, custody of the biological child, if underaged belongs entirely to the husband For context, i'm not in US and the law of marriage in my country, assets that are obtained pre-marriage isn't split after divorce, hence the prenup he offered as protection and assurance. Any advice or opinion?",,11,gina_chua,2023-09-24 15:32:48 RedPillWomen,16qr3nq,Am I being love bombed ?,"Tldr: guy asked me to be his gf on first date I went with a hinge match on a first date. He is a foreigner in my country (Japanese, corporate job) He was super sweet and gentleman like. Sent me an Uber, got me gifts from his place, asked if I had any allergies prior to deciding the place, kept talking to me throughout the time of deciding the date till the date, was not sexual, did not invade my personal space, took me for shopping after the meal, waited for me outside so I could spot him etc etc small gestures that I liked. After the date when I was in the cab he told me that he liked me and would want me to put his name on the list of candidates to be my bf. I was like sure. He said that he likes me even more after meeting irl. And then asked if we could meet before him going to Japan ( he was going on 21st and only going for 5 days). I said yes and then he asked me to come to his place. I told him it was too soon then he apologised and told me that he was doing work from home and had a huge event in a few days so it was the only way we could meet. I still declined. And then he asked me to be his gf on text. I said are u sure and he was like yes. Then I agreed but he replied after 3-4 hours that he missed me. This got me super insecure and tense 😭 for some reason because if it were me I’d reply in seconds if someone agreed to be in a relationship w me. Anyway so I told him I felt it was too soon and I think he’s rushing. He said yes and apologised. After that he ghosted me for 2 days. Then replied to my story. I sent him “🙄” to which he replied that he was extremely busy. And after a day he sent me his company’s Instagram story of a huge event to prove that he was actually busy. We talked on the day he was going to Japan and it’s been 3 days since he hasn’t texted me. I’m getting anxious and I miss him. Because it’s the first time someone treated me so well and I got attached a little. And even if not that, when I said I wanted time I didn’t expect him to just ghost me.. Please give me advice, I’m thinking about either a) waiting for his message and if he doesn’t text me then take that for response b) talk to him and communicate about what I’m feeling and ask him the same. That where does he want to take this. ( I usually don’t do this but I’m so sick of feeling sad over boys that I just want to get over with it) Edit: I texted him! My friends are saying that texting him is me chasing him 🥲",,17,Greedy_Inflation_955,2023-09-24 07:10:24 RedPillWomen,16qov9t,Ways to test RMV,"I’m wondering if theres way to test my RMV? like *anything*. Ive never had a boyfriend And I don’t know why guys don’t take me seriously in dating, yet all advice on here points to the issue being my RMV. I’ve read the posts about it and basically what I take from it is to be feminine, kind, supportive, and respect him. But I’ve made posts here before and I’ve said that I just don’t think theres much I’m not doing other than maybe cooking for them because talking to them doesn’t last longer than a few months and they rarely if ever take me on dates. And even when I say that, people advise me not to because these guys don’t seem to be serious or haven’t made enough of an investment (which I know). I’ve taken quizzes on femininity, like every one i can find. I most get back feminine and then a few I’ll get androgynous or like 50% feminine (what ever that means). An example would be Jasmine Theodora’s femininity quiz on her YouTube channel and I got 9 or 10 out of 10 and I’ve taken it 3 times by now (8 out of 10 cause one question I can see myself doing Two out of the four answers). I try to be as honest with myself as I can cause I’ve been trying to figure out what’s wrong with me for so long and i know that telling myself that dating is just hard right now or that guys aren’t looking for anything serious or they’re intimidated or something is just an excuse and doesnt solve my problem. Not being being honest with myself about this in general wont solve my problem. So please dont assume that I am not trying my hardest to be honest with myself since that was the assumptions made about me on my last one. &#x200B;",,9,[deleted],2023-09-24 04:58:23 RedPillWomen,16po153,do men care about women coming from lower social backgrounds?,"I met this guy 3 weeks ago, we get along well but he comes from a family that's more wealthy and educated than mine, his parents are both doctors and mine didn't go to college and have less charming jobs (mom works in a grocery store, and dad in factory) but we're doing well financially I'm doing well myself, I'm in med school, money is not a problem, I take good care of myself but I find myself worrying about him seeing me as inferior because of my background. I know it's my shame speaking but I also wonder if it might be true. do guys think about these things especially when considering a long term relationship with you? and how to overcome this shame ?",,25,poetically-living,2023-09-22 22:51:38 RedPillWomen,16piw75,Back to Basics September: I tried dressing feminine for a day and this is what happened,"For the entire month of September, we're revisiting some foundational posts in a series designed to serve as a RPW refresher. This week and the following weeks, we're focusing on RedPillWomen and the communities inner resources. Today's post is selected by /u/morbidityofanother and she mentions, ""It really gave me the push to start adapting my style to be more feminine."". **Original Link and Discussions: [I tried dressing feminine for a day and this is what happened](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/9k2vqz/i_tried_dressing_feminine_for_a_day_and_this_is/)** --- Growing up I wasn't very much of a girly-girl, especially didn't help that there was zero feminine women in my life to influence me. Currently I've been working on cultivating a feminine spirit and learning to be soft and loving but I felt a bit of a mismatch with how I felt on the inside with how I felt on the outside. I wasn't a complete tom boy, I just dress like an average college student, basically a combination of leggings+hoodie+sneakers+messy bun. I spent no effort on my look and only dipping into my feminine side for events like weddings and baby showers. I prided myself for a long time being 'uncomplicated' , 'low maintenance' and 'practical' but since I've been reading here I'm realizing just how masculine my attitude was towards my appearance, those were all traits men look for in cars but not necessarily in women. I'm slowly in the process of transforming my wardrobe to be more feminine but working with pieces I already had I decided to dress up and go out just to go shopping for a bit. Earlier this week I dressed much cuter for school and when I asked one of my class mates to help me he immediately got up and came over to help me, while in the past this same classmate would have ignored me or just make me ask the professor. I wanted to experiment more with dressing feminine and see what other conclusions I could gather. So I this morning I got out of the kiddy pool and hopped right into the deep end. I put on a flirty silky polka dot top something like this , wore a pair of skinny jeans (not feminine but working on it) that really show off my small waist and long legs, a pair of high heels, and some dainty gold hoops, a really classy somewhat conservative look but still showed my figure underneath. I have been growing my nails out and painting them soft pretty colors lately and went ahead and put on makeup (just concealer, mascara and a nice pink lipstick, all very natural but still pretty). Most importantly I've been working on my demeanor, I have a neutral expression on my face most of the time and have been trying to smile more when people speak or make eye contact with me. I wasn't forcing myself to smile at everyone but just a natural happy peaceful look. Dressing nicely made me want to be seen so it felt easy for me to drop the resting bitch face. I felt as pleasant on the inside as I do on the outside. So how did it go? Well at first my boyfriend asked me ""you sure you want to go to the mall this dressed up?"" I don't really dress up for the poor guy so it was exciting for him, if anything, the one thing I learned was how much a guy appreciates being seen with someone that takes care of their appearance, he had a small sense of pride guiding me through the mall and talking to me throughout the day, even helping me off the escalator. In the past he had no reason to do so because I presented myself as capable, but suddenly wearing heels and being on moving stairs he had the desire to help me. We went to the mall mostly for him so it wasn't like I dragged him there but I was window shopping a bit for myself. The most noticeable thing was how many guys turned to take a second look at me, even while with their girlfriends. At first I thought maybe I dressed too out of place , but women paid no attention to me. The attention was different. At one point I saw a guy take a triple take looking at me and then his girlfriend, who was dressed in sweats and a hoodie. I think many guys enjoy the soft feminine side of women and it's seen less and less these days. The least surprising thing is how much employees wanted to help me, every store I went into I was approached by employees asking if they could help me, especially from men. Normally when I'm in this same mall it's quite busy and if I need something I have to hunt someone down. I magically became approachable, like people were drawn to me. Afterwards I went to the grocery store to pick up dinner and I couldn't believe I was -that- woman. By that I mean the 1 random woman I see at the grocery store that's dressed up to the nines in a nice pair of heels and her hair perfectly in place. Even the cashier recognized me and immediately started a conversation while in the past wouldn't say much. I was instantly inviting. In the past before I started reading redpillwomen I actually thought the only way Women could draw attention from men was by wearing garish colors, booty shorts, crop tops, what ever is in fashion or other overly revealing clothes, basically a forever21 clone. What I've learned is that you can't really stand out if everyone else is doing the exact thing. I never had the issue of standing out because I tend to dress in ways that hid me. But I also realized how unfair it was to myself to hide my body, I am pretty lucky that I don't have to work hard to be thin or have nice hair but my current wardrobe obscured everything about me that is feminine. My final thoughts: I think if you are having a hard time with being approached by men this would instantly up your game, in addition to online dating. If you already have a partner then absolutely dress for them. It sounds weird but I felt like my partner respected me more for dressing up, mostly because I honored myself first by taking care of my appearance. It also made his role as the provider/ protector more fulfilling for him and apparent. I think all in all: dress like a prize and men will always feel like they won.",,44,FastLifePineapple,2023-09-22 19:21:12 RedPillWomen,16p6ltn,"How can I make my man to feel like he's ""conquering"" me?","Not sure the word conquering is appropriate. I'm dating a guy and he has similar views to the people here, which I do too ofc. We aren't official yet although we are definitely going to be. I think he's waiting for the right time to ask me to be his girlfriend etc Our relationship is very healthy and balanced, however I want to do something extra to make him feel like a real man who conquered his woman. This not in a ""chasing"" way, more in a hero kinda way. Like I want him to feel he is fully in in masculine energy and that he won me over by being mainly. Imagine a prince - princess dynamic where the prince has to court the princess to be chosen. As I said we are very balanced and honest with each other, so I'm not trying to manipulate or acting completely different to be chased, there's no chasing in this relationship. Thanks!!",,45,imdreamingg,2023-09-22 10:22:25 RedPillWomen,16p8nou,Reciprocating in early dating,"I (23F) have been dating a guy (24M) for almost two months now. He has planned and paid for all of our dates (which are weekly). He bought me flowers, offered to pay for my nail appointment and currently has a surprise gift on the way to me. I am always very grateful and express this to him verbally. I love the effort he is putting in but can't help feel like I should be doing something in return. He is quite traditional in the sense that he believes a woman should be courted. How can I reciprocate during this stage without causing an imbalance in the relationship?",,18,Expensive-Pin-4926,2023-09-22 12:11:33 RedPillWomen,16oop0g,Will men find it a turn off that I am a quiet home body who doesn’t have many friends?,"My previous 2 boyfriends didn’t mind that I was this way inclinded, but I’m conscious of this moving forward to other guys, as I’ve been on dates with men previously who were put off by this. I don’t have many friends, just a few who I occasionally see. I like to be at home a lot, reading books, doing house work cleaning a lot, cooking. I’m quiet and would consider myself submissive. I am also at university and have a side hussle. But would this home body part of me put guys off? Do guys prefer girls who do more stuff?",,67,Diamond-pearls21,2023-09-21 19:21:53 RedPillWomen,16p0fvu,The one sided relationship and cleaning up your side of the street.,"After cleaning up your side of the street persistently, how long do you think it should take to see lasting changes from your partner?",,6,thingswedidaskids,2023-09-22 04:01:12 RedPillWomen,16nmflh,Back to Basics September: 'Empowering your captain: my field report',"For the entire month of September, we're revisiting some foundational posts in a series designed to serve as a RPW refresher. This week and the following weeks, we're focusing on RedPillWomen and the communities inner resources. /u/jenneapolis chose this field report by Doom-Vixen as a field report example that gives a model for successfully applying RPW theory in a practical manner. **Original Link and Discussions: [Empowering your captain: my field report](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/14ebmha/empowering_your_captain_my_field_report/)** --- One piece of RPW advice I find very common but difficult to follow in practice is this: [Bring your problems to your man, but not the solution.](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/4i8ukh/bring_your_captain_your_problem_not_your_solution/?amp%25253Bamp%25253Bsh=56220851&st=jnl0inp7) This is something I personally struggle with on and off but it still one of my favorites. Backstory: My mother is the complete antithesis to this advice. She nags and demands things of my father constantly, to the point that it makes it less pleasant to be around her. She runs the ship. There is no space to question the decisions, she wants you to just obey. My father's spirit in this regard has been crushed for a long time (and surprising no one here, he's never in a hurry to meet her demands so my mother isn't exactly living a joyful life either). This is what was modeled for me growing up and even though I've always known deep down (before RPW) that I wanted my husband to lead me I fought it in practice. I first found RPW several years ago when my husband and I were beginning the talk on engagement. I was not a good partner at this time. I nagged. I [shit tested](https://illimitablemen.com/2014/12/14/the-shit-test-encyclopedia/) . I picked fights and criticized him constantly. Guys I was awful. RPW is what finally made me acknowledge what I knew all along, that if I didn't get my act together I would lose him, and he is not a man you'd want to lose. So I began implementing the tools. I wanted to really embody the role of [first mate](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/psr3zs/back_to_basics_september_the_captainfirst_mate/) (I always did better in support roles despite my mother constantly telling me I was just letting people steamroll me). In my experience this piece of advice (bring your problems to your captain, not solutions) works best when your man is already established and comfortable in the captains seat. I started with other changes: knowing when to [STHU](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/psr3zs/back_to_basics_september_the_captainfirst_mate/), fostering good communication, dropping those shit tests; so that when I tell him I'd like to follow his lead he didn't question me. He steps up right away. So fast forward until now, when I can give a field report that I'm so proud of. We welcomed a beautiful baby girl several months ago. During my pregnancy it became clear that the area we lived in was getting worse crime wise (there were gunshots every night, drive bys, loud music, people on drugs going in and out of the house across the street...and more). We hadn't planned on moving for a few more years and my husband was putting money away for it. I started getting anxious and wondering what kind of childhood my baby would have. I dreamed of my little ones growing up playing in the yard but who would let their kids do that when there were shoot outs across the street? Finally one day when an incident big enough to hit the local news happened I broke down and told my husband how I felt. I hated this place, didn't feel safe and wish we could leave. No demands, just an [open and mature check in](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/pu41u9/back_to_basics_september_the_essential_duties_of/). Literally the next day he started crunching numbers. He made a plan and we have officially moved to a much safer area where gunshots don't wake the baby up. It was not a fun process, moving never is (especially for him balancing all this stuff with his work). But he did it for me, he told me it was important to him I felt safe. I brought him my problem and he took action to fix it. I think even if I never found RPW and implemented those tools we'd have still gotten married but I honestly don't believe I would have a husband willing to go so far for our family. I think he would have been crushed like my poor father. I've never made a post before despite participating on other accounts throughout the years, and I'm honestly not sure if anyone will be able to get any insight from this but to be quite honest I wrote this out of happiness. I still have a lot to work on but I'm proud of the results so far. (P.S I really hope the formatting, especially the links, work okay. I'm having a lot of problems with my keyboard so I had to really work around the problem lol).",,24,FastLifePineapple,2023-09-20 14:17:04 RedPillWomen,16msxq6,How to set new expectations,"I recently read Why Men Love Bitches by Sherry Argov and what I took away from it is that sometimes men “test” what you find acceptable. Ex: disrespectful teasing in front of his friends, being late, making you pay on a date etc. and will continue with this treatment as long as you allow it. I am in a long term relationship (3years) and realized I am guilty of letting unacceptable things slide and was wondering how I can go about setting new expectations for how I want to be pursued and treated. Right now we are “medium” distance (2 hour drive) and I am the only one who calls, says I miss you or I love you randomly, and has to plan every meeting like when I am going to visit or badger him until he makes time to come visit me. I am in my last year of college, and when I do come back home from school and go to his house, he barely greets me, turns on a movie and goes to bed. Besides this, we do have good chemistry. We are laughing often, talking about our future, have great sexual chemistry, and we both really understand one another on the way we were raised and the way we are now. I feel like at this point my boundaries are automatic and it feel’s foreign to me to start having higher expectations for the way I desire to be treated. Like it takes a while for me to process that an action was unacceptable because I am so used to it but I want to start putting my foot down and don’t know how. TLDR: I didnt set high expectations for the way I want to be treated for 3 years of my relationship. I want to set new boundaries and expectations for my boyfriend for the way I want to be treated but I don’t know how to start. Edit: I know a lot of things in that book are nonsense, but there were a few things in regards to setting boundaries that I realized I needed to work on.",,10,dandelion134,2023-09-19 14:44:02 RedPillWomen,16mc5ss,Disrespecting his Pride (I’m Anxious),"TLDR added. I (25 f) have been lurking RPW for a while now but I’m really worried that I might be doing something wrong with my self improvement and affirming my partner (26 m). Context: We’re not an ideally-healthy couple, and the issues of our relationship are on my end. Part of me fixing my lack of femininity, my terrible masculine masking, and control-problems (bad childhood, no dad, raised my siblings) was listening to Laura Doyle on how to not disrespect your man. I’m not the type to pick on character traits, I often give him slack and I don’t judge him when he’s done something wrong, but my partner often says I’m disrespectful to him and that I insult his character still. On top of that, I’m the only income and he’s very upset about this and since we have money issues, these topics are very stressful. (Not the main issue here but mentioning because it could be good context to the post.) Now here’s the problem for post: I avoid saying negative things and give him slack but he still gets really upset and denies it when he thinks something is up. I’m not sure, I could be reading it wrong, but what I do see is that he’ll say “you’ll leave me for another man” or “why dont you be with ____? He has this trait that I don’t” and I can’t convince him no matter what I say that I’m not interested and that I do love him. This happens if I mention a positive trait in someone, even a stranger, or if someone compliments/hits on me (I’m a natural beauty so others say, this happens often and I always thank them and show that I have a partner). It also happens if he “lets me down” even if I insist it’s ok. If I ask him if he could grab me a drink on his way downstairs, he gets like this if he forgets. He’s a very incredible man, his only issue that I can see is he doesn’t earn income but I’m ok with that in the short term as he’s building a business that he’s passionate in. But at the same time, his pride can get really strong. He is a smart, charismatic man, but he can be too harsh with others and very blunt. Everyone would tell you he has a prideful character and he does. He can be very arrogant and insist he’s right even when talking with me about matters in my field of expertise. He doesn’t like being corrected but also views me not pushing back on him as an insult. I don’t lie to him, but I don’t know what to do if I know something different from him? How do I femininely do that without upsetting him? I’ve heard that men should be praised a lot more at home and in private because in public they’re judged and shamed. But I’m scared to raise his pride any higher or to raise his insecurities any higher. How do I go about handling both situations ? How do I comfort and support him so he doesn’t have to worry? But then what do I do to avoid upsetting his pride? TLDR: my man is incredible but I’m not sure what to do about to calm his insecurities without triggering his pride. Edit: thank you all so much for the advice! Ill reply to everyone I just need to think a lot through. I don’t want to be unfair to him or me. Thank you all again! I really need the support and you all are amazing!",,5,Physical-Guess-1988,2023-09-19 00:22:33 RedPillWomen,16lwagv,Would you marry for love or money?,When I say marry for money I do not mean marrying a rich man but wanting a provider who pays most of or all the bills. Of course people will say both. But what is more important to you.,,19,[deleted],2023-09-18 13:57:31 RedPillWomen,16lvf09,"Back to Basics September: 'Discussion: ""Wife Privileges""'","For the entire month of September, we're revisiting some foundational posts in a series designed to serve as a RPW refresher. This week and the following weeks, we're focusing on RedPillWomen and the communities inner resources. We're changing gears today with a revisit to a Wife Privileges discussion post from Deliaallmylife. Some argue that they're not a cow because they haven't mooed in a while, others discuss the possible pain and hurt that can come from building deep attachment and a life with someone before marriage commitment. **Follow along as /u/jenneapolis guides us in this back to basics post on whether or not a pre-commitment or post-commitment risk strategy is the best option for us.** **Original Link and Discussions: [Discussion: ""Wife Privileges""](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/15a4qzq/discussion_wife_privileges/)** --- I regularly see women here suggesting that you cannot give ""wife privileges"" before you are a wife or you will never get the ring. I am a firm believer that you need to [show him what you can do](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/qh9xsa/why_buy_the_cow_when_he_can_get_the_milk_for_free/) in order to get to the ring but I'm curious how other women went about dating their husbands. So question for the **married** ladies : * What did your relationship look like before you got the ring? * What did you do for him and what didn't you do for him? * What wife privileges did you either gift or withhold? * How long were you together? What did the living situation look like. * Were there outside influences on your path? Etc etc etc The general theme is ""What did you do to get the man to commit? (I'll remember to answer this time)",,15,FastLifePineapple,2023-09-18 13:21:21 RedPillWomen,16lltrq,Completely nonexistent dating life. How can I change this?,"Hello RPW! I am 20 years old and want to get married extremely badly. However, I have never been asked out on a date in my entire life. I only started putting more effort into my appearance about a year ago (grew my hair out, light makeup, wear mostly dresses/skirts now), thinking it would yield some results, but it hasn’t really make a difference. Recently I have shown interest in guys I've liked, but it's never gone well. I'm just feeling discouraged and was wondering if anyone had any advice for me. I do have one ex boyfriend (we met online on discord), but it's been well over a year since that relationship ended. He ended things solely because he wasn't physically attracted enough to me. I am already a very insecure person, but that breakup permanently damaged how I view myself. I was called ugly in high school by multiple guys, so there's that too. It's been difficult, but I am slowly coming to terms with the reality that dating will be harder for me compared to other women, simply because I lack physical beauty. My worst feature/main point of insecurity is my large nose with a bump on it, so it's not something that's changeable like weight (my weight is fine). I moved across the country for college over a year ago, and I had high hopes that I would find somebody after one entire year. Boy, I was wrong. After a year of living in a new state and everything, I've STILL never been asked out. College isn't exactly the place to look for potential husbands, but I am sticking strictly to Christian circles. I have a decent sized social circle, I know a lot of guys between the church and the campus ministry that I attend, so it's not like I'm under socialized or anything. I'm pretty socially active and have a good amount of friends, single Christian guys included. My friends (mostly married women from my church) tell me I'm beautiful, but I feel like they say this because they're being nice and they feel sorry for me. They are aware of how badly I want to be married and how hard it's been staying (involuntarily) single. They also know why my ex ended things with me. If I really was beautiful, I don't think I'd be getting friendzoned by multiple guys, and I definitely would've been asked out on at least ONE date by now :( I am starting to think that online dating sites (Christian ones) are my only hope at this point. I have friends who've been in a similar predicament where they simply could not attract guys in real life, but were able to find somebody online. I was really hoping not to have to go online to look for a husband, as I know so many guys IRL from my social circles that I would totally date. I also wanted to prove to myself that I'm ""capable"" of attracting a guy in real life, if that makes sense. Unfortunately, none of my guy friends IRL are interested in me though, and only see me as a friend. Not too long ago, I was brutally friendzoned by a guy I had REALLY liked for a long time, which really hurt me and made me too scared to try again in person. Does anyone have suggestions on how to broaden my opportunities for meeting guys in real life? Or should I just try online dating sites? Everyone in my social circle seems super against online dating, they all tell me that I'd be ""crazy"" or ""desperate"" if I began to look for a guy online. So should I just ignore them and look for a guy where I'd have the easiest time finding one? Thank you so much to anyone who read this far! I've just been really sad and frustrated over my dating situation, and it's so easy to feel like something is wrong with me. Any advice helps :)",,15,rpc_e,2023-09-18 04:34:48 RedPillWomen,16lor2p,Halloween Plans?,"What are my fellow RPWs dressing up as for Halloween? Husband and I will be going to Derry for the weekend of October 27, coming back home the 1st of November. Hopefully it won't be too wet.",,10,LiteratureOk7716,2023-09-18 07:23:48 RedPillWomen,16kidk2,Do most long-term marriages eventually lead to a roommate situation?,"Hugh Jackman is separating from his wife of 27 years and speculation is that they’ve become more like roommates and decided to end things. I don’t really care about the people themselves or whether that’s true or not, but it did make me wonder a lot about long-term marriages and what they look like. Of course my dream has always been to be in a loving, long-term marriage but this has gotten me a bit anxious, especially with it becoming closer to a reality! I know that the sparkle of a new relationship and all those emotions eventually wear off but how do you combat that roommate-feeling? Is it inevitable?",,34,vinesandflowers,2023-09-16 21:19:20 RedPillWomen,16kqfyl,How much does weight loss help your SMV?,"I am in the process of losing weight and am wondering how much it will change how guys view me in a positive way. Women who have lost weight, what’s your experience with this? Does it really make that much of a difference or is it mostly for your own health and wellbeing?",,7,Majestic-Tie464,2023-09-17 03:34:02 RedPillWomen,16kesuf,My boyfriend had just broken up with me and I feel like my world is ending,"Hi RPW. I posted about this issue a while back. Basically, my boyfriend met a girl on a dating app before he met me. They became friends. I didn’t know about her, and he called me a few days ago saying he’s going to get a coffee with her. I felt disrespected and we argued. At one point I told him to shut up which I know I shouldn’t have. He still went out with her and was convinced that he did nothing wrong. We saw eachother today and he explained that I had done this to him before( basically about 3 months ago we had a big argument about something else). He said that what I did was not ok and he wants me to move on and date other men. He said he told his parents and best friend about what I did and reading in between the lines they hate me. His parents knew about the girl as when he met up with her at the time he told them. I was so upset, I asked him if he’d like to see a couples counsellor but he told me that they’d just see the situation from their view. He said he wants to make his own decisions in line with how he’s been raised. He has blocked me on social media and he listens so much to his parents and says that they are best to go to advice for about everything, so I doubt he’ll every speak to me again. I feel absolutely terrible and I’m in floods of tears. I did not mean to hurt him, I was just angry at the time. Surely he’d want to talk it through instead of breaking up with me straight away?? There’s no way I would not be mindful of his feelings after this event. I miss him so much it hurts sooo bad. If you had advice I’d appreciate it so much, I just want to be in his arms",,20,Diamond-pearls21,2023-09-16 18:44:18 RedPillWomen,16kkquy,Do you make an effort to allow your spouse to help even when you don’t need it?,"Specific example to explain what I mean: Tonight my husband is grilling steaks for dinner and I’m in charge of the side. To make the baked potatoes the first step is stabbing them with a fork. Anyhow, my husband offered to stab them for me (because he knows I don’t love to do it) when he got back from the restroom, but I got impatient and stabbed them myself. When he came back he asked me to grab him a fork so he could stab them and I said “don’t worry babe I already did it!” And I feel like I missed an opportunity to let him be the man and therefore be able to show my gratitude. I know this is a very minor example, just the one that is currently relevant. So, if your husband offers to help in a specific way (specifically when you don’t actually need the help) do you just let him do the thing? I hope this makes sense!",,10,[deleted],2023-09-16 22:57:00 RedPillWomen,16kdefd,Recommended book,"Becoming the one. By shailana Aiyana. It explores your human nature from the really core of your existence. It helps you understand why you act the way you act and what are your patterns, how you develop those and how to manage these patterns (talking about negative behaviors and things that we want to change to be better persons)",,6,Direct-Ad-5394,2023-09-16 17:42:50 RedPillWomen,16kgn6q,Basic questions. I need guidance from others please,"How did you know you have a connection with someone? How do you know that you feel love? That you love him? What it takes to a man to show you that he has feelings for you? That he wants you sexually (and said it all the time) and also being good, kind, caring, show affection with words everyday, understanding, passionate means that we could ever have a relationship? Are we in a relationship? We live in different countries. But chat every single day and so phone calls when it's posible Months ago I felt that I have feelings for this man but I don't know his side of this story. At the beginning i was behaving childish like always do but he has such an assertiveness in communicating and solved our problems that I realized that I could trust him, or open my heart and tell my feelings in the moment.. I have tried to leave him many times, because of the yellow flags, I don't know his friends or he doesn't have social media or he's available only in one particular moment of the day, or that weekends he's off, like he's don't text at all.. many times I try to leave him. But my feelings get in between. I feel that I missed him and my heart refuses the idea of leave him. What should I do? What is this thing we have? I deceiving myself in believing we could ever end up together? Is this something casual? Any thoughts or suggestions or texts will be highly appreciated. Thank you for reading me. I really need to share this with a community of understanding people. Thank you all 🙏 I am in a place in my life where it happens to you get to lost",,2,Direct-Ad-5394,2023-09-16 20:04:54 RedPillWomen,16jo8nf,How to separate yourself from being viewed as motherly?,"Hii! I have a great relationship with my boyfriend (both 24), we’ve been together for almost a year and everything’s been wonderful. However, I am scared of being seen less attractive from being viewed in a motherly way? Does that make sense?? It’s so confusing to me because i know men like being taken care of and appreciate that but does it make a woman more attractive to them? I know personally when I’m being treated nice, my attraction to my partner increases, but I don’t know if it’s the same for men. I love baking, reading and watch Hallmark movies so my boyfriend sometimes jokes I’m like a grandma which I find funny but i also don’t want to be viewed as one LOL. I want to cook for him and tend to him but not overstep and feel like I’ll be seen too motherly…please help hahah. I don’t know if I’m overthinking things. Edit w/ background info: We don’t live together but i do spend the night frequently and on those days I like to cook for us, help organize around etc. We have plans on getting engaged and moving in together once we are in grad school. :)",,10,vinesandflowers,2023-09-15 20:41:10 RedPillWomen,16jhqhu,Back to Basics September: The Fear of the Wall and Why I'm Sick of Hearing About It,"For the entire month of September, we're revisiting some foundational posts in a series designed to serve as a RPW refresher. This week and the following weeks, we're focusing on RedPillWomen and the communities inner resources. Please note, we are not the original authors of these posts. We'll be offering our insights as both moderators and active community members. Our objective is to provide you with a curated guide that can serve as a cornerstone to understanding RPW principles, while revitalizing some enduring ideas. This post is a writeup by Sadie and excellently covers the idea and Red Pill term 'The Wall'. **/u/Jenneapolis nominated this post for B2B September and will be guiding the discussion post.** If you have any worries, fears, doubts, or limiting beliefs on this metaphorical term, you're in for a great read! **Original Link and Discussions**: [The Fear of The Wall and Why I'm Sick of Hearing It](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/5qi7l6/the_fear_of_the_wall_and_why_im_sick_of_hearing/) --- There has been way too much talk of “The Wall” and a ton of misinformation and half formed ideas flying around here from people who haven’t done thorough research or don’t fully understand what it means. That ends today, I hope. **Definitions and Explanations** *The Wall*: A metaphorical term for a physical manifestation of a woman’s gradual or seemingly overnight decline from her sexual peak. [The Rational Male](https://therationalmale.com/2012/07/18/the-wall/) defines it as > the threshold at which most women realize their lessened capacity to sexually compete with the next generation of women in their ‘actualized’ sexual peak (22-24). We all can agree that this is the loose definition most of us use, yes? So if you define your peak as 22-24, it makes sense that many would (wrongly) assume that 25+ is The Wall. Not so. In fact, RM goes on to describe what I believe is a much more important factor in The Wall for women and defines their fear of it: > However, there is a male part of the Wall equation that needs to be understood. 30 is also the general age at which men (should) become aware of their own, longer-lasting sexual market value and potential. This affects women’s interpretations of the Wall. Once a Man is aware that he has the capacity to attract the sexual attentions of the younger women he’d previously had limited access and understanding of, his actions and imperatives define the Wall for women who are approaching that threshold. [Notes From a Red Pill Girl](https://web.archive.org/web/20160817233933/https://notesfromaredpillgirl.com/2015/09/08/the-wall-gets-us-all/) explains it well when she says, > What is taboo to say in society today (but women should know) is that a woman’s most valuable assets are her beauty and youth, not her education, money, or career (that would be men.) **What This Means For You** Is there a wall? Yes. Will you hit it? Yes. Should you be aware of it? Yes. Should you obsess or be afraid? *No!* If you obsess about The Wall or are afraid of it, you will most likely settle down with the first chump that comes along because you’re afraid you won’t get anything more. Now, recently the argument was made to me that ugly girls have to settle and that marrying for love and passion is a new-fangled thing. Wonderful. Follow your own advice and enjoy your boring and stale marriage, plus the fact that you most likely will be divorced when your chump realizes there’s a woman out there that will love him the way he deserves. I’m aware there are ugly people. This isn’t a post about that. I’m talking today about The Wall. **Things that accelerate your ETA to The Wall** * Excessive drinking * Smoking of any kind * Being a single mother * Being overweight * Sun exposure or tanning lights I tell you these things not to scare you but to motivate you. Don’t delay in looking for a husband. Don’t settle or marry the first guy that doesn’t repulse you. But look for a man while your SMV is at its peak. This varies woman to woman and your SMV, depending on what a man likes, will vary man to man. However GENERALLY you’re at your highest 22-25. You have the greatest chance of attracting what you consider to be the highest value male when you are also at your highest value. Find out what makes a high value man to you, keep yourself in top condition and go after it. Stay fit, stay healthy, dress feminine, up your girl game, hone your skills. These are all highly controllable things we can all do (pre or post wall) to ensure we land the highest value male available to us. **Preparing for Impact** Save it. We all know there are exceptions. We all know women who have gotten pregnant in their 40’s (Michelle Duggar, anyone?) or women who are 35 and crazy hot. These are *general* rules which is why I hate to see ladies obsess over The Wall. I want to see you ladies stop saying “I’m about to hit The Wall” when I see from your flairs or your posts that you’re 22, 25, 23, NINETEEN. You never know when or how badly you’ll hit The Wall. If you’ve taken care of yourself, you’ll wake up one day and realize you’re past your prime. If you haven’t, you’ll most likely smash into it and you’ll be the chick everyone is looking at TimeHop photos on Faceboook of and laughing about how good you looked 2 years ago compared to the train wreck of today (Tara Reid, anyone?) If you’re married, a fantastic added benefit of your matrimony is that you will no longer fear The Wall. As *Notes From a Red Pill Girl* states, Married women who are happily so will benefit from ‘wife goggles’ which is a term that means her husband’s love blinds him to how his wife is aging and he still sees her as in her youth. You want those wife goggles firmly in place prior to the wall. My MIL is 55 and my FIL is so in love with her and smitten by her he’s never even aware of other women around him. She treats him like a king, and he is obsessed with her, five kids and thirty-one years later. **Post Wall** What if you’ve hit The Wall and you’re still single? There’s still hope for you. You can still find a man, he just won’t be as high a caliber as you could have snagged if you were 20. You aren’t doomed to a life alone or a life of unattractive shlubs and bad sex. You still have worth. I think that is something a lot of women feel is that after The Wall they are worthless. Not true. There are men that don’t want children or who have children from previous marriages and don’t want more. Your fertility won’t matter to them. Maybe it will be an older man. My dad is 59, his girlfriend is twenty years younger than him but is still over The Wall. The Wall is a thing and should be taken seriously but don’t let it rule your life. And for God’s sake, *stop saying you’re about to hit The Wall*. Women my age and older, when we hear you lament about it are literally rolling our eyes and I’m worried mine will fall out of my head the next time I read it. If my post is lacking in a specific aspect or if you have a comment or suggestion to add, please do so below. I like to have my posts be as complete as possible so people reading them are completely informed. Any and all discussions are welcome, obviously, but please lets be mindful and courteous of one another. All the best, ~Sadie Edit: 999 edits to get formatting correct",,18,FastLifePineapple,2023-09-15 16:19:06 RedPillWomen,16jfvb3,I broke his trust,"Me (30F) and him (39M) have been going out for two months. Things were going good and it felt very much like we were going towards a relationship. He even gifted me a little trip together for my 30th birthday. However, he never addressed what it was between us. So last week I asked him ""What is this between us?"" He said: ""It's going in one direction"" but didn't clarify which direction he meant. He asked if that bothered me and I said no. When he brought me home I told him that I was celebrating my birthday (which was 3 weeks before) the next day and that he would be welcome and told him he could tag along if we wants later on (since I knew he was having his son that Sunday). The day of my celebrations I send him where we were going but he said he was not bringing his son back home to his mom before 7pm and would need a break afterwards. I was very disappointed and didn't feel like I mattered to him. So I swiped on Bumble the next day and even texted with maybe two guys. I pretty much ignored him and was cold to him. But he was sweet and eventually I decided to give us a chance and stopped on Bumble and everything was going good, he asked me for a date and I thought we could talk then. But then on Wednesday morning he suddenly confronted me about being ""very active on Bumble"". I felt guilty and said we could talk in person. He replied that he doesn't want a relationship anymore and it's best not to see eachother anymore. I still went his place in the evening to to talk with him. He was very hurt about me being on Bumble and said he can't trust me anymore. At the end I asked him if he really wants it to be over and he said he doesn't want it to be over but... and looked sad. Apparently he can't trust me anymore. I'm so sorry for that. The last thing I wanted was to break his trust. I know he's been cheated on before and he deserves better. I wish there was a way to repair his trust but he doesn't want a relationship with me anymore. But he tries to make the ""breakup"" easy on me because he knows I'm not doing well in general at the moment. He's really a good person and care deeply about him. Tomorrow would be two months since our first date and I'm thinking of sending him a sweet & short message. Any advice on how to win his trust back? EDIT: I know there was some bad communication at play from both sides. That's not the point. People make mistakes. As to whether it was ok of me to be on Bumble I think both sides can be argued. Things are not that black and white. He texted me today and we met up but we still didn't talk. I wanted to give him space for now since it was good that he didn't seem hurt anymore. However it turns out with us, I care about him deeply and know he also wouldn't want to hurt me. But it might be true that he is not that excited about a relationship with me, in which case I will obviously need to move on.",,10,Flowerpow21,2023-09-15 15:05:59 RedPillWomen,16iqc12,An RPW Guide to Shit Testing,"# What Are Shit Tests? Shit tests are performed, usually subconsciously, to understand someone's character and look for faults or weakness. It's not inherently unpleasant, nor are women the only perpetrators. Think of a time you've been put ""on the spot."" A job interview, a parent asking why you broke curfew, a boyfriend asking if that's what you're wearing out - all of these can be considered shit tests. Shit testing can look as mild and flirty as ""I bet you say that to all the girls"" to a massive nuclear bomb in the middle of an argument like ""I'm going to leave you and make sure you never see the kids again"". These are the decision points in a conversation: opportune times when a man has the chance to really influence the mood and the outcome. Shit testing usually peters out as a woman becomes familiar with a man's character with comfort testing taking its place. However, shit-testing can flare up again during difficult times. One example of this is when a couple has a baby and a woman is seeing her man fall short as a new parent. # Is Shit Testing Bad? Not inherently - don't start rethinking every quip you've ever made. Shit testing is a valuable tool for a woman to gauge a man's temperament. It has great potential to help her get what she wants, which in this case, is an emotionally stable man who can diffuse tense situations and that she enjoys being around. But men won't always like it. They're being tested, and they might fail, and that would hurt their chances of getting what they want. Even if it's beneficial for you in the short term to see how he reacts to a shit test, remember that he's vetting you as you're vetting him. There's a fine line between discovering whether you like him, and jeopardizing how much he enjoys spending time with you. # What do Women Gain from Shit Testing? &#x200B; * It tests a man's emotional stability * It can uncover a man's self-reported strength, confidence, and successfulness * In general, it helps you learn things about the man you're attracted to and how he feels about you. Tests are an extremely effective method for women because responses to tests are quite difficult to fake. Women are looking mostly at a man's nonverbal cues, which are extremely challenging to misrepresent. Being physically smaller than men, women need to know how their partners will respond when provoked. Knowing whether or not a man will display aggression is the key to a woman feeling safe from her man and protected from the rest of the world. There are men with massive egos that can't prioritize their partner's long-term well-being even if it is spelled out to them. These men cannot take a joke at their own expense, no matter how mild. This is what shit testing in the early days is meant to sniff out: instability and pridefulness. # Types of Shit Tests **Basic Shit Tests** Level of Disrespect: Low/Negligible Example: Light teasing, asking hypothetical questions about commitment, ""innocent"" questions about past relationships. Potential Goal: To quickly gauge a sense of humor, level of commitment, or basic emotional stability. **Advanced Shit Tests** Level of Disrespect: Moderate Example: Deliberately showing up late to a date to see how the other reacts, mild jealousy tests like mentioning another man's interest, being argumentative over small matters. Potential Goal: To probe deeper into how the partner handles conflict, jealousy, or disappointment. **Nuclear Shit Tests** Level of Disrespect: Extreme Example: Public humiliation attempts, overt flirtation with another person in front of the partner, purposely invoking a fight or causing a scene. Potential Goal: To provoke an extreme reaction that would reveal deep-seated issues; however, at this level, the behavior is likely to cause significant harm to the relationship and could be a form of emotional abuse. # How Do I Know if He Passed? The short answer is: in a way that improves the quality of your conversation. That can be by saying something fun and playful during a basic test, or by steering a tense argument into a more productive direction. Positive masculine traits such as stoicism or self-assurance are good signs. For a more in-depth explanation (although take caution when diving into the men's spaces), there is this \[TRP post\](https://archive.ph/2hjQR) on how men should handle tests. DEERing (defend, excuse, explain, rationalize) are actions to be avoided, as they typically have the man responding in an overly serious manner to flirting or refusing responsibility during arguments. DAREing (deflect, agree & amplify, repeat, exit) is encouraged, with actions focusing on lightening the mood of the conversation and avoiding conflict escalation. They show that the man is in control of himself and mentally unshaken. # How do I avoid Shit Testing? My personal take is that you shouldn't avoid the basic level of shit testing. Establishing rapport is an essential part of figuring out how compatible you are and how attractive you find each other. Being with a man who can't pass your basic shit tests might feel like walking on eggshells. Asking questions to determine his eligibility is an essential part of vetting. You want to weed out the men that are taken or wildly incompatible - even if they don't like that because their goal was short-term sex with you. Most men looking for serious relationships are also going to be asking disqualifying questions. Reducing the amount of advanced shit testing is where most of us will need to spend our time. Here are some tips: 1. Practice [STFU](https://reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/s/GaWKLbfF5s) so you can communicate however you're feeling in a more productive and less combative way is a good start. 2. Softball your shit tests. Lower an advanced test to a basic so he can interpret your message as an invitation to play, and not a chore or a criticism. 3. Reflect on the difficult situations he's handled well in the past. If you're still in the vetting stages, ask questions about challenges he's overcome. 4. Plan dates with an element of danger - like hiking - that can display his competence and attitude to you without you needing to test him yourself. Ask for details about his day to see how he handles his day-to-day life. The more you witness him face, the less you'll feel the need to shit test. Here's a [post that goes into more detail on shit test alternatives.](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/4yrqed/vetting_a_man_part_2_observational_and_verbal/) # What Should I do if I Think He's Shit Testing Me? He's probably not - and interpreting in that way might hurt your chances of succeeding. The male equivalent to the shit test is a compliance test: a test to see if someone can take direction, empathize, and listen. I am drafting a companion post about this that goes more in depth.",,29,ArkNemesis00,2023-09-14 18:43:14 RedPillWomen,16irwfw,[Update] Shall I (43/female) go with my husband (43/male) to FiL's Neighbour's Daughter's (41/female) Birthday Party?,"(Don't see an updates flair, but the original is [here](https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/16gllxj/shall_i_43female_go_with_my_husband_43male_to/)) I took the advice of the top-level comments and went to the ""party"". I use ditto-marks because we entered and the hostess told us that no one else was coming in tears and she was so appreciative that he had. Said she'd been drinking all day and had a headache. So, husband went out and brought bananas, cut them, put them in a bowl and had her have them, saying a friend's primary concern is that their mate is healthy and a headache isn't a sign of good health. After this, I decided that we should share a cake, so went to a nearby Lidl and picked up lava cake, which was **very**, **very** rich and went down well with the other two -- after she'd had 3-4 cut up bananas. More sobre, she then related what had gone wrong that day. Apparently, the only one who'd texted her was my husband. Not her sister, not her landlord, not even her boyfriend. I had not because I'd never met this lady before. She concluded she would be culling all of the entries in her Rolodex as ""fake friends"" and reset her life, starting with two entries -- Mr and Mrs u/LiteratureOk7716 -- which I thought was sweet. As we left, I gave her a hug and told her that she'd always have a family with us. She gave us a shopping bag of leftovers and knick-knacks to share. This morning, I got up to message to both of us thanking us for ""saving my life"". I'm honestly not sure if she was being serious or polite.",,14,LiteratureOk7716,2023-09-14 19:46:48 RedPillWomen,16jhqtc,lost my hymen to a piece of clothing,"Hello, I am 22 and a virgin. The only thing I've stuck up there is my own index finger, and I stopped doing that a couple years ago after I realized that it might break my hymen. Well, a week ago I was wearing a bodysuit that closes with buttons over the crotch, and also has sleeves, as part of an outfit. As I was hanging out with my friends that day, I felt it riding up uncomfortably and applying pressure to my crotch, but it would be awkward to adjust it, so I just was somewhat uncomfortable throughout the gathering. When I got home I noticed some clear discharge on my panties and suddenly became anxious that I'd torn my hymen with the tight clothing. I got a mirror out and looked around and couldn't see it anymore! I can't be sure that the bodysuit took it because I hadn't looked for over 6 months. It could have been gone already from cycling or doing stretches, and I didn't notice. Now here is my concern. In today's society, I'm very old to still be a virgin and I don't have physical proof anymore. No man will believe that I waited till marriage, and the ""first time"" experience will not be as good because my pussy will be looser. I know the hymen gets more fragile as women age, and I am wishing with all my heart that I got married younger and could have experienced sex at the right time. I am posting this for a sanity check, so please be brutally honest with me. Are my fears true? Is my ""Mr. Right"" going to think I am lying if I tell him I am a virgin, but I lost my hymen to an awkward piece of clothing? Will my first time having sex not be as fun for him or me? Thank you! EDIT: I realize this post is very personal and weird, but I don't have anyone in real life to ask about this awkward topic. I am obviously immature with romantic relationships and am just trying to get some honest advice. I'm sure I could have explained it better, but I did my best.",,0,acct_4_embarasing_qs,2023-09-15 16:19:28 RedPillWomen,16i934o,"Back to Basics September: The Slut, and how not to be one.","For the entire month of September, we're revisiting some foundational posts in a series designed to serve as an RPW refresher. This week and pretty much rest of the month, will be focused on RPW and our wiki. Please note, we are not the original authors of these posts. We'll be offering our insights as both moderators and active community members. Our objective is to provide you with a curated guide that can serve as a cornerstone to understanding RPW principles, while revitalizing some enduring ideas. In my opinion, this post contains one of the most fundamental takeaways of RPW for women who are not waiting for marriage to have sex. It provides an understanding of *why* promiscuity, or a repeated failure to gain commitment, is present in women sometimes. While it is important to focus on vetting out men who have no intention to offer commitment to you or anyone *no matter what*, that is only half the battle. The more difficult half is recognizing what, in your own behavior and characteristics, is contributing to your failure to gain commitment from the men you want. For more advanced RPW readers, it also suggests that the postponing/refusal of sex until commitment has been achieved may not be the *most effective* card to play. Intrigued? Read on! Edit: as u/strangestunicorn pointed out, the comment section of the original post has a lot of worthwhile discussion, so here is a [link](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1j0n7t/the_slut_and_how_not_to_be_one/?share_id=Y2-abjAXtQ8PEhkot_saQ&utm_content=2&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) to the original post itself. ___ ##”The Slut, and how not to be one.” by u/Whisper It's been brought up many, many times. The cock carousel. The penis train. Promiscuity. The partner count. The word itself. Slut. It's easy to see that there are drawbacks to being one. Feminists decry ""slut shaming"", redpillians often say that men shouldn't commit to one, men in general just say that, right or wrong, they don't *want* to commit to one. **But what is a slut?** Religious conservatives who claim to have red-pill values say that PUA shouldn't be a red pill thing, because it creates sluts. PUA redpillians say religious conservativism isn't red pill at all, because attempting to increase a woman's sexual partner count by one is what ""male sexual strategy"" is all about. How could it be otherwise, when religious conservativism is, at its core, an attempt to culturally restrain that which cannot be restrained... human nature? But all these arguments fall flat unless we can answer one important question. **What is a slut?** And it is an important question, because there is an apparent contradiction in red pill theory, a self-swallowing aspect to the way many people think about it. In attempting to be attractive to women, a man tries to increase their count of sexual partners. Yet he himself does not desire to commit to women with high sexual partner counts? Is he not creating the very thing he shuns? Is he not destroying the very world he wishes to live in? But if he tells women not to submit to men's sexual advances, is he not defeating his own efforts at sexual conquest? Is a man nothing but a hypocrite when he shuns the slut? That depends upon the answer to one important question. **What is a slut?** Will the correct answer to this question make this apparent contradiction go away? *I contend that it will.* To answer this question, we must remember one fundamental truth about the sexual marketplace: *Women are the gatekeepers of sex, and men are the gatekeepers of relationships.* When we think of a slut as a woman with a high count of sexual partners, we must be aware of what this implies. First, that she has allowed men through the gate of sex many times. Second, that she has been allowed, by men, through the gate of relationships very few times... for otherwise, she would have slowed down her pace of acquiring new partners considerably. Now we are ready to answer the question. **A slut is a woman whose sexual market value consists mostly of sexual availability, and little else.** Or, equivalently, **A slut is a woman who does not have the ability to turn sexual encounters into relationships.** Looked at in this way, *of course* men don't want to commit to sluts. The very definition implies it. High partner counts are a symptom of sluttiness, not its cause. Sluts acquire high partner counts not because they ""open their legs too easily"", but because the men they have coupled with do not wish to stay... and so they must, once again, find a new man. A slut is pumped and dumped many times. But **it is being dumped, not being pumped, that makes a woman a slut.** This resolves our apparent contradiction. If a woman's goal of avoiding sluthood is not to avoid sex, but to make a man stay afterwards, this is in no way opposed to a man's goal of getting to sex. It is the sex that is the male biological imperative, not the hasty departure afterwards. In fact, that hasty departure provides him with no pleasure at all. Would he not rather met a woman with whom he wishes to have sex *again*? Would he not rather meet a woman whom he prefers to a hasty departure? Of course he would. But that is out of his control. Just a woman, the gatekeeper of sex, cannot control how sex-worthy the men around her are, a man, the gatekeeper of commitment and emotional investment, cannot control how relationship-worthy the women he meets are. The only power they have is the binary choice whether or not to open the gate. So, to avoid being a slut, don't *refuse to have sex*. Instead, have value beyond just sex. Make men want to see you again. And your partner count will stay low without having to resort to withholding tactics. Because withholding tactics don't work. A slut cannot ""reform"" herself by withholding sex. If her only sexual market value is availability, then withholding that leaves her with... nothing to offer. A slut can only reform herself by increasing her value in other areas. If she does so, men will want to stay, and her partner count will stop increasing so fast. That partner count is only a symptom, not the disease. **To avoid being a slut, be a keeper.**",,36,LivelyLychee,2023-09-14 04:50:39 RedPillWomen,16idwtc,How do you quell an adversarial view on men?,"After a breakup in 2019 I’ve been on a LONG rpw/redpill learning journey which has helped me understand men more and I feel more enlightened every day, but sometimes it feels hopeless. Every now and again I leave the blogs, books, forum posts feeling like men are my total opposition. I’m on a weight loss journey, so weight won’t be an issue soon enough but I’ve recently discovered hogging as a concept and realizing that I evaded it by being who I am (non-promiscuous, goal oriented, reserved) is incredibly bittersweet because… The disdain men (modern toxic men perhaps?) feel when they can’t use a fat woman as a sex receptacle is palpable! I just wanted to enjoy life and hobbies and do well and here comes bullies and hoggers. My go-to in accepting redpill truths about men is to find the inverse mistreatment on women’s part (Ex. Men want submission and looks, women want courage/provision no matter how unfair to the opposite sex.) but at times i just can’t think one up, and I don’t cope well. My life’s goal since a teen is to be a good wife and a good SAHM or work from home mom. I have a fulfilling life outside of that but I don’t feel like I’ll be happy without. It’s just that the byproduct of feminism, this modern day gender war has gotten in the way. The more I read, the more I understand that I was groomed into thinking men are the enemy and I’m making strides in fixing it but the roadblocks are tall. I could go on all day with a sob story and anecdotes but they don’t matter. I just want to put the resentment to bed for good. Could someone help me? EDIT: I am not reading anything parodic, I am not reading anything that vilifies men. For close to 4 years i have been doing the exact opposite. I’ve been going to blogs, informational videos, and forums written by men and taking the advice and lessons from the horses mouth. I watch videos online, and listen to real wives and role models closely IRL. My problem is actually resentment and frustration at men, and the process. I don’t hate them. I was influenced into the gender war and reprogramming myself has proven tiresome. Thank you!",,10,SweetSecond5900,2023-09-14 09:34:18 RedPillWomen,16htk0k,"I don’t know where to start, but I know I want to understand","I (28F) recently started seeing a man (40-something) that is very committed to the redpill mindset. He watches Fresh N Fit religiously which I initially thought was a joke until he clarified that it was over the top but rooted in his belief system. He recommended justpearlythings as a jumping off point for me but after listening to her show I felt like she said things for the sake of shock value and found it very off putting. I haven’t been able to find any podcasts or reading materials regarding what i should be doing, just lots of men hollering about how women deserve less. This is pretty jarring since I’ve never subscribed to this ideology before. I’ve always considered myself to be liberal, fiercely independent, and a feminist. Always taken care of myself, never asked for help or relied on anyone else. My mom was a single mom and I’m an only child, so I’ve never been around a man that thinks this way. I’m very open to new ideas and especially to the idea of being soft in a hard world. Mostly, I just want to be educated and be given the opportunity to understand without getting screamed at. Do you have any recommendations on materials where women are the intended audience? EDIT: the phrasing of this post was a bit bitchy and defensive for no good reason. i’m not going to change it because i think acknowledging fault is a symptom of growth, but it’s crazy the progress that can be made in a day",,26,soonersquirrel,2023-09-13 17:43:43 RedPillWomen,16htced,"My boyfriend wants to go out with a girl he met on a dating app, I don't know what to think","Hi RPW, seeking some advice about this situation. My boyfriend is lovely. He’s 26, I’m 22. We met on a dating app a few months back. He’s from a different country, and although he is sociable and friendly he doesn’t have many friends here, just a few. I was speaking to him on the phone tonight. He told me he will be meeting an ‘acquaintance’ tomorrow evening. I asked for more information about who it was as he seemed hesitant to tell me any more, and he told me it was a girl he met on the dating app in February. He’d never mentioned her before this. He said she is about his age and an athlete. Apparently, when they went out (before he met me) they weren’t each other’s type, they only see eachother as friend, and now he wants to go out with her tomorrow one on one, to get a drink and have a chat. In all honestly I was quite surprised. I’m not sure how I should feel. Is this ok in a relationship?",,11,Diamond-pearls21,2023-09-13 17:35:12 RedPillWomen,16hoyom,Perfectionist husband,"Last night my husband came home from having dinner with a friend and went in to say goodnight to our seven year old son. He noticed that his school clothes weren't laid out for the next day. (I work an early shift, so I'm not there for my son's morning school prep, but I understand that he usually handles it by himself without help. Laying out his school clothes has never been something I do.) My husband demanded that I tell him where the clothes were. I said I had no idea, (which upset him,) and I turned to ask our son. Before I could say anything, my husband said to him, ""tell me where your school clothes are now, or I'm going to get very angry."" Our son said he had put them in our bedroom instead of his. (He's fascinated by the idea of practical jokes, but doesn't quite understand them yet.) Afterward my husband started fuming about how ""everything falls apart the second I turn my back."" He was also upset that I found the ""joke"" kind of funny. This is a common theme with him. He'll be in a perfectly good mood, not at all stressed, and then turn on a dime and get upset about some random little thing that's out of order, which he inevitably says is my fault, often accusing me of being negligent, lazy, letting our son walk all over me, or not competent enough to take care of myself without his constant oversight. (Which is patently untrue- I've lived by myself completely successfully, and I manage a department at work, where I've gotten promotions and raises for my competence.) If our son is involved, he'll react in a way that I find disproportionate to the situation. I did talk my husband into seeing a therapist once, who was able to establish that he has severe anxiety, and as a result seeks to control things that make him anxious through perfectionism, and will become agitated when others don't buy into his perfectionism. After that he quit going and has refused to go back, either for one-on-one counseling or couples' counseling. He comes from a very dysfunctional family background, whereas mine was relatively healthy. I've explained to him that this behavior is discouraging and exhausting for me and that I believe it to be counterproductive in dealing with our son, but I get nowhere. If I ask him what he specifically wants, he'll say that he wants me to be more responsible. I've tried sitting down with him and outlining who is responsible for what, pointing out that we do in fact have pretty much even division of duties, which do in fact get taken care of, but that doesn't prevent me getting haranged over random (and generally minor) stuff. Anyone have any suggestions?",,11,V3r1disqu0,2023-09-13 14:47:03 RedPillWomen,16hbxlh,My best friend suddenly hates men and it's getting annoying,"Note: Idk if this really belongs here. If not, I will take it down. My best friend (23F) and I (also 23F) have known each other since we were 5. We are much more like sisters than friends. We have also had our disagreements and differing beliefs, but it hasn't been a problem since we don't shove them down each other's throats.She graduated college last spring and, ever since, I have noticed this strange turn in her behavior towards men. I thought it was nothing, until several months ago when she straight up said ""I hate men. All men are trash."" For context, she has never had a serious or casual relationship with a man and has many great men in her life, including her brother and dad. I brushed it off and figured this was just her new outlook and opinion, no harm no foul. Since she first told me this, however, she has been finding ways to tear any and all men down when we're together. She jokes about it and, when I tell her that I'm uncomfortable with it, she just tells me that she's ""making sure I'm aware."" I also have a lot of good men in my life, including my brother and dad as well. I have asked her to keep her man-bashing comments to a minimum, but she thinks I'm just being dramatic. She has even actively deterred guys from talking to me when we go out and says it's ""to keep me safe."" Well, today we were chatting in a group chat with another friend when she randomly sent a link to a post about, well obviously, man hating. Idk why, but this was just the final straw for me. I never responded to the text, but she then texted me individually asking if I saw the post and said ""it's my new life motto and should be yours too lol."" Idk what to say to her at this point and I really would hate for things to get complicated over this of all reasons. Am I being overdramatic or am I somewhat justified for feeling annoyed? Is there something I should do to avoid a confrontation? I'm just really tired of this.",,66,lady_marm,2023-09-13 03:20:03 RedPillWomen,16houc6,Emotional intelligence when dealing with others,"One feminine trait I’ve been trying to cultivate is the ability to deal with other peoples’ feelings in a more emotionally intelligent way. I think I have really great *intellectual* insight into why people feel the way they feel, but I still struggle to respond in the way that they need sometimes. For example, when someone is upset about something my impulse is to give them advice rather than comfort them, because how *would* I comfort them? A hug and an “I’m sorry, it’s okay” *sounds* right but feels useless. Or when someone is excited about something, how do I mirror and amplify their excitement without putting my 2 cents in and basically just explaining how they already feel? I’m hoping some of you other ladies have experienced this and figured out why and what your emotional responses to things were lacking. If it helps, I have a professional ADHD diagnosis which I believe impacts emotional response and regulation, though I also believe everyone experiences “neurodivergence” to a degree.",,5,[deleted],2023-09-13 14:42:32 RedPillWomen,16hq4mj,Cycle Syncing,"Does anyone know of a book/guide to ""cycle syncing"" that *isn't* filled with complaining/propaganda/pseudoscience/random witchcraft mentions for some reason? Or is the whole thing just pseudoscience?",,2,sincerelyyrs,2023-09-13 15:32:26 RedPillWomen,16hat2b,How do I stay feminine in a job that wears scrubs,"I (25F) love wearing dresses and heels, but I work in the medical field and cannot dress how I would like. How can I make my uniform feminine?",,11,disneyprincesstay,2023-09-13 02:27:16 RedPillWomen,16h04kx,Experienced RPW but need help with saving my LTR.,"Edit: This problem has been resolved with a mix of suggestions that was described here, so thanks for the input. I don’t expect everyone to understand how it feels like to move on after infidelity, only to find out that you’re not fully recovered years later. What I’ve learnt is theory is easy, applying it is harder with life stressors. I hope that in a few years time I can report back healthy and happy, but I’m grateful for this sub for providing an anchor point in my journey through the years. Original post: I’ve been on this sub for a long time and used to be active, read all the books and key threads. However I’ve been away for some time, life caught up, and I stopped thinking so much about RPW. I’m in a pickle, and because I was so attuned to RPW, I’m aware a large part of the problem is me. I appreciate if an experienced or married redpiller can urgently advise my situation. Have been in a LTR for over 3 years. It’s been going great in terms of emotional connection, and I would say we were on the road to marriage. When it comes to sex, he and I are both conservative so we waited. I know some people find it uncommon, but we both were ok with the speed (he told me before that if I had slept with him too soon, he wouldn’t have seen me as being serious). But the problem is with sex. If anyone checked my post history, I have had some bad experiences, and I spent a long time fixing myself before dating again, I keep coming up with excuses to reject sex, but I don’t want to let on that I fear abandonment. I’m also on medication that decreases my sex drive despite my libido previously being high, and as a someone managing a huge team in a large company, I’m under heavy stress Monday to Sunday. My partner doesn’t have issues with me having a “high powered” role and in fact likes it, but we face challenges with my stress levels. Because I’m familiar with RPW, I’m highly aware of all my actions: being very critical, nagging, but I can’t seem to stop for a few months now. My partner is not a saint in all of this. To give a balanced view, he’s let go of himself recently in terms of physical appearance and initially, it was not a big issue but coupled with all of these factors, it’s been hard to be attracted. He’s also quite immature and in fights can aggravate the situation by making continuous jokes in serious scenarios. Part of me wonders if it’s because we have been together for a while that negative traits are magnified. Despite all of these, he’s very accommodating, affectionate and most of the time tries to rectify our fights. Obviously, I do not want to break up and I feel like my situation has reached quite a dire strait because he’s pressuring me to the limit for sex, and I don’t want to have sex just because I’m afraid he will leave. I love him and I’m just trying my darnednest to adjust and get in the mood, but I’m under high stress and I don’t want to fake anything with him. The pressuring doesn’t help. What I need is romance and to feel safe, which I’ve communicated to death but he then executes “romance” like it’s a piece of homework. Am I unreasonable? He seems to not understand no matter how I explain it, I don’t know if this is a male thing. What’s worse now is in the heat of the moment of a fight, I told him I’m not attracted to him because he’s let himself go, when it’s just one part but he keeps pressuring me to the point I have trouble feeling attracted because now I feel obliged. And this isn’t some couple of months thing, we have been together for years so I understand his side too. I’m open to hearing perspectives and solutions. Things I cannot control or change are my work situation, but I’m trying to control my stress. And actually I just wish he would leave it alone for a while so I could stop feeling pressured which is a solution in itself, but it seems to be affecting him too much and he wants concrete promises. I fear if I have sex with him now, it will be out of fear and affect our long term sex life, when really I want a healthy sex life together. Everything feels like chaos now.",,5,TranslatedSky,2023-09-12 19:12:02 RedPillWomen,16fx2qw,Should I take my husband’s word and just drop it?,"My husband and I recently reconciled, after being separated for several months. I threw myself into Laura Doyle’s the Empowered Wife and podcasts, which I credit for all this happening for us. We were separated with the stated, purpose of working on our relationship, and getting back together. We had committed to each other to not talk to other people, and not date other people. My husband has now confessed to me that he was talking to two other women and that one of them he was somewhat serious about and she was someone he had seriously considered having a relationship with. There was no sex, and she lives 8hrs away. He says it is all over, and I do believe him but I can’t help but wanting to dig up all the details of the situation. Should I just let it go?",,35,patchouliflowers,2023-09-11 14:42:25 RedPillWomen,16fs0tm,I stopped my husband from committing suicide and he thinks I never knew his plans,,/r/offmychest/comments/yxy79c/i_stopped_my_husband_from_committing_suicide_and/,21,Mission_Honeydew_597,2023-09-11 10:43:13 RedPillWomen,16fyx5w,Back to Basics September: A Quick Look at RPW Wiki,"For the entire month of September, we're revisiting some foundational posts in a series designed to serve as an RPW refresher. This week and the following weeks, we're focusing on RedPillWomen and the communities inner resources. Please note, we are not the original authors of these posts (I am the author of this post). We'll be offering our insights as both moderators and active community members. Our objective is to provide you with a curated guide that can serve as a cornerstone to understanding RPW principles, while revitalizing some enduring ideas. **Today, we're covering an easy guide to the RPW wiki.** Over the past few months, both the community and our mod team have been laboring behind the scenes to build and refine the wiki. **We're going to introduce you to the wiki's structure, feature key posts, and present an outline of what you can expect to find here.** If you have any feedback, comments, or would like to contribute or nominate posts for inclusion in the wiki, please don't hesitate to leave a comment or send a message to mod mail. --- [Getting Started With RPW](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/13famda/we_found_where_we_stashed_the_checklist_getting/) - * [Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/about/rules/) and [Guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/7gn3vw/standards_of_conduct/) * [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/wiki/index/tableofcontents#wiki_frequently_asked_questions) Community Resources - * [Everything You Need To Know About RPW](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/wiki/index/tableofcontents) (RPW Wiki) Includes FAQ and [RPW Complete Guide to Getting A Man](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/wiki/index/tableofcontents#wiki_rpw_.28in.29complete_guide_to_getting_a_man): * [Physical](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/wiki/index/tableofcontents#wiki_physical) * [Internal](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/wiki/index/tableofcontents#wiki_internal) * [Deciding what you are looking for](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/wiki/index/tableofcontents#wiki_deciding_what_you_are_looking_for) * [Girl Game aka Getting Yourself Out There](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/wiki/index/tableofcontents#wiki_girl_game_aka_getting_yourself_out_there) * [Vetting a partner, initial meeting and first dates](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/wiki/index/tableofcontents#wiki_vetting_a_partner.2C_initial_meeting_and_first_dates) * [How/when to become intimate](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/wiki/index/tableofcontents#wiki_how.2Fwhen_to_become_intimate) * [LTR Management](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/wiki/index/tableofcontents#wiki_ltr_management) * [The RPW Lifestyle](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/wiki/index/tableofcontents#wiki_the_rpw_lifestyle) * [RPW Relationship General](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/wiki/index/tableofcontents#wiki_rpw_relationship_general) * [Married RPW matters](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/wiki/index/tableofcontents#wiki_married_rpw_matters) * [Married Girl Game](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/wiki/index/tableofcontents#wiki_married_girl_game) * [Social Sphere](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/wiki/index/tableofcontents#wiki_social_sphere) * [Problem Solver](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/wiki/index/tableofcontents#wiki_problem_solver) * [What do men want? ](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/wiki/index/tableofcontents#wiki_what_do_men_want.3F) [External Resources](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/wiki/index/resources) - * [The \(un\)Official RPW Reading List](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/5bp1p9/the_unofficial_rpw_reading_list/) * [External Resources Megalist](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/4u9u1y/external_resources_megalist/) * [Link List: RP, Relationships, Self Improvement and Education Blogs](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/6kdhdq/link_list_rp_relationships_self_improvement/) Moderation Contact - * Meet the Mods: [Cammie](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/14wvnsh/please_welcome_our_new_mod/), [Ardie/Pineapple](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/115yevf/a_warm_welcome_to_our_two_new_mods/), [Lychee](https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/p1hhix/new_mod_livelylychee/), Pearl * [How to Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/RedPillWomen) --- We want to extend a heartfelt thank you to all members of our RPW community. Your active participation, contributions, and ongoing discussions are what make this a vibrant and supportive space. We hope the wiki serves as a valuable resource for everyone. The wiki is a community-driven project, and we're always looking for ways to improve. If you have feedback, suggestions, or would like to contribute or nominate posts, we'd love to hear from you! Feel free to leave a comment or send us a message via mod mail.",,8,FastLifePineapple,2023-09-11 15:54:20 RedPillWomen,16gllxj,Shall I (43/female) go with my husband (43/male) to FiL's Neighbour's Daughter's (41/female) Birthday Party?,"My husband met this lady through the condo board, where he serves as its treasurer and she handles his day-to-day as we don't live near FiL; husband just paid for the place. She sent him an invitation saying it will be people in their ""30s and 40s"", a ""mix of solicitors and finance people"". While husband is in finance, I'm not, nor am I an attorney -- I work as a cancer researcher. I don't get along with his family as well as I'd like, especially his sister, but MiL and I buried the hatchet on her deathbed, when she instructed her sister-in-law to send me the diamond ring the grandmother had designated for him when he was born -- a family heirloom, so we've put it in bank safe to pass on to our daughter at some point -- either at the conclusion of her education or similar achievement. To the sister-in-law's credit, the ring has been sent over in accordance with MiL's wishes. The birthday girl is a model and very much a flirt. Husband's said as much. He's also oblivious to it (slightly autistic). But, to his credit, he has said that he'd like me as his ""+1"", without telling me any details about her. I would love to go with him. However, I get the impression that my in-laws don't like me very much. Except for his niece, who wants to be ""just like auntie /u/LiteratureOk7716"" when she grows up. She repeats this pretty regularly, including our last video call a few hours ago. So... do I go with husband to this one's birthday party or not? Thanks in advance...",,0,LiteratureOk7716,2023-09-12 08:22:19 RedPillWomen,16flmtt,Authenticity in a RPW's Relationship,"I have been reading Fascinating Womanhood and have looked into Laura Doyle (listened to podcasts but haven't read her books yet), and the one thing that I'm struggling to reconcile is if it's possible to be truely authentic to your partner if you're following the advice laid out. My husband and I greatly value honesty and the truth and are authentic with one another. I've seen there is a lot of wisdom in the RPW philosophy but there are a few things I've come across that don't sit quite right with me. One example is with Laura Doyle suggesting to manifest outcomes you want by telling your husband ""white lies"" (an example she gives is telling her husband he was a great provider even though she didn't fully believe it). As far as I can see, a white lie is a lie and is a firm boundary in my relationship with my husband. And example from Fascinating Womanhood is suggesting not to do better than your husband in a male-dominated sport as it will harm his pride. Does this mean pretending you aren't as capable as you are? That just seems inauthentic and dishonest if you're giving the impression you did as well as you could when you didn't. To be clear, I'm not suggesting for a moment that looking to improve yourself or change your behaviour is being inauthentic to yourself, and every other element of the philosophy I've come across so far has seemed spot on. I'm wondering if anyone else has come up against this, and how you may have managed it. I'm also looking for general guidance in this respect. Can the ""white"" lies, feigning incompetence and other general inauthenticity not be incorporated in a RPW relationship successfully? Or is this a vital element in achieving success?",,17,FancyPants882,2023-09-11 04:18:15 RedPillWomen,16fik7o,"Back to Basics September: Sex, RPW, Your Man, and You","For the entire month of September, we're revisiting some foundational posts in a series designed to serve as an RPW refresher. This week, we're focusing on our sister subreddit, RedPillWives (RPWi), and exploring their wiki. Please note, we are not the original authors of these posts. We'll be offering our insights as both moderators and active community members. Our objective is to provide you with a curated guide that can serve as a cornerstone to understanding RPW principles, while revitalizing some enduring ideas. This post written by BellaScarletta reminds of the power we hold as the gatekeepers of sex, and the gift that a generous sex life can be to both partners. *** First off, this post is about sex. So NSFW. Second off, it will not be in any way graphic or crass. So creepers, creep away. *** We speak often about the importance of sex and being available to your man around here. It's not exactly unintuitive why this is so, yet at the same time I think it would be helpful to plainly lay out just a few of the reasons it should be among your top priorities. **Men are the gatekeepers of commitment; Woman are the gatekeepers of sex** You'll hear that a lot. But here's the thing, access to sex can be rescinded. Commitment cannot, or at least not nearly so easily - particularly if you are married. *Marriage is a commitment to monogamy, not celibacy.* When you enter a marital union (or even a committed LTR for the time it lasts), you are committing to lowering your gates for the other person. But what is a man to do when he is contractually locked into his commitment to you, and you're backing him into a position of celibacy? You are not upholding your end of the bargain, and I would wager you would not be comfortable with allowing him to outsource what you are denying him. But here is what I don't like about everything above - at this point, we are approaching it from the bottom up, essentially looking at the worst of it and the minimum you should be maintaining. It makes it sound like a chore, and it shouldn't be a chore. Looking from the top down, there are much more important and fulfilling reasons you should provide regular access to sex. **When you have sex with your partner, you want to give him a reason to be the only person he wants for the rest of his life.** Seriously, fuck him like he's the last man on earth - because to you, he is. Why would you even want your husband/SO to think about the strange he is missing out on? Why would you want his commitment to you to become a chore? That isn't to say this is entirely unavoidable, but you can at least minimize your risks by making every effort to fulfill your man. If you think because you're committed that obliges him to look away from other women, to not want them - I kindly suggest you check out /r/thebluepill. No, you have to earn his attention every day - and that isn't even a chore, *it should be fun!* You don't want your man thinking about how he *has* to do this, how he's *obligated* to do that. No, you want him wondering every day of his life how it is he gets to come home to *you*. You want it to not make sense for him to wonder about what he's missing out on, because with you he is missing out on nothing. That HB9 walking down the street? Why would he be curious about her? Does she perform oral on him for no reason other than to please him like you do? Probably not - pass. The woman at the gym hitting on him, is he going to pause for 5 seconds about what she could offer him? No, because he wouldn't dare jeopardize the love of the minx he knows is waiting back at home for him. **If you're not in the mood, get in the mood.** What about when you're not in the mood to cook? To clean? To go to work? To exercise? Sure, we all take a raincheck on our responsibilities from time to time - but by and large we show up for the game when the team needs us to play. Being ""in the mood"" is fickle, and 8/10 times just going along with it despite your internal protests will have you ""in the mood"" in 3 minutes anyway. Show up and do your best every time because *he deserves a woman that makes all others unworthy of his time and attention*. Again, he committed to *you*, he did *not* commit to *not having sex*. **Sex is the ONLY thing that tangibly separates your relationship with him from your relationships with everyone else in the world.** That is it. Yes, of course there are other nuances in your emotions and your interactions that are unlike other relationships. But sex is the closest thing you will ever get to experiencing your relationship incarnate, and the dividing boundary between the force you two have versus the entire rest of the human population. Why blur that boundary? Why tempt him with imagining that boundary with other people? Why not *celebrate* it? Why not feel proud that you know beyond all doubt you're the only object of his desires because he can't just order what you give him from the red light district or Scantily Clad Gym Girl? Why let yourself grow lazy in feeding this amazing and intimate bonding experience? **Tl;Dr: Sex hard and sex often.** So yes, be his Goddess of Fun and Light. Be his lady on the streets and his freak in the sheets. Be his dirty secret when you're at upstanding social gatherings and he knows people would faint if they know the depraved things you did right before you showed up. You are not entitled to your man's attention and attraction and fantasies. You have to earn them, and doing that is *not* that difficult, and it *is* super fun. So yes, prioritize sex. Give it freely and enthusiastically and revel in what it gives back to your relationship. *** **Related Reading** * [On men having a wandering eye (elaboration on this post)](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/5026h2/sex_rpw_your_man_and_you/d715osr?context=3) * [On denying your SO sex](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/4hj68y/what_happens_when_i_deny_my_husband_sex_and_other/?) * [On sexual availability](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/4dghce/sexual_availability/) * [On seduction](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/4vvgi0/the_lost_art_of_seduction/?)",,18,ChamomileMist,2023-09-11 01:47:44 RedPillWomen,16flu8s,"Stuck in a situationship, now 26, is all lost for me if I want children (multiple)?","It's a situationship where I'm the one with more control, but still. It's not a relationship I want to be in. However, we are living together and have credit scores in 300s. We need out of this house because it's only a temporary solution. We're with my relative and it's not a good environment, neither of us have people we can turn to. We looked at places together because we figure it's a step up from where we are now in this gutter house and it'd be easier to secure a place with both of us first before us each moving to a place of our own. It feels like it's going to take FOREVER and I'm wondering if I sabotaged myself out of a traditional family indefinitely. We went to a few showings and offered 3 months rent but with our credit scores we were told we'll need 6 months. Not to mention, that's just to be stuck living together AGAIN just due to cost efficiency and due to basically impending doom that this relative passes and I know I'm not getting the house due to her warped sense of financial literacy. Let alone me finally making enough to branch off alone, which is what I'm waiting around on moping and just hoping all of this passes quickly, but I know it won't. What should I do?",,4,patisseriepresents,2023-09-11 04:29:16 RedPillWomen,16ehaq2,My husband and I are on different baby timelines.(Details below),"I hope this is an ok question to ask here. I’m newer to this page and appreciate any advice! Just some details. I (30) have been with my husband (31) for 6+ years. We got married in February. Everything is perfect, we’ve got married, bought our first house, saving so much and just enjoying the ‘simple life’. But, my biological clock is ticking and being a mom has always been my life’s desire. We are going on our honeymoon in January ‘24 and we’ve agreed that we don’t want me to be pregnant on the honeymoon. (I’m totally behind this!) So since we got married and have started to actively talk about babies, I really got in my head that I’ll get pregnant in ‘24, post honeymoon. I’ll admit, I got in over my head and got too excited. I’ve looked at nursery furniture, we’ve talked names, I’ve cleaned and donated so much to get organized. I feel like I’m already nesting and I’m just so ready to grow our family. (And I think we’re ready) So tonight I brought up lightly that I will be ovulating on our honeymoon and that we’ll either need to take precautions or….leave it up to fate. And he basically said that we have to sort out our career concerns first. (Long story short, I own a company that could have an impact on our future finances and life flexibility.) I know that timeline wise this career concern will be solved in February of ‘25. But, ladies, I cannot imagine waiting until 2025 to start trying. I’ve kept my mouth shut and I understand his concerns (and I agree they’re valid), but I truly don’t know how to patiently wait another year longer then originally planned or help him understand that biologically a year makes a big difference when you’re 30.",,19,[deleted],2023-09-09 21:26:02 RedPillWomen,16e246c,I like older men but feel repulsed when they show interest in me,"I'm 22 ans I like men on the slightly older side (who are 28 and up) but when tbey show interest in me I can't help but feel repulsed. I keep getting reminded of how men go for younger girls because women their age see their BS and I feel like I'm being preyed on. but I find them extremely attractive, they are mature and know what they want which I can't find in people my age. please help because I'm so confused, there must be a flaw in my reasoning but I can't put my finger on it.",,37,poetically-living,2023-09-09 10:13:13 RedPillWomen,16e8q6c,Back To Basics September: Online Dating,"For the entire month of September, we're revisiting some foundational posts in a series designed to serve as an RPW refresher. This week, we're focusing on our sister subreddit, RedPillWives (RPWi), and exploring their wiki. **Please note, we are not the original authors of these posts.** We'll be offering our insights as both moderators and active community members. Our objective is to provide you with a curated guide that can serve as a cornerstone to understanding RPW principles, while revitalizing some enduring ideas. Online Dating vs Offline Dating is an often discussed and spirited conversation subject on RPW. Phantomdream09 offers guidance and advice on successfully navigating online dating. **Note 1:** web archive links were preserved where applicable **Note 2:** this post is a long and comprehensive guide to online dating. If you're seeking a relationship with a great man and want to expand your options via online dating. Your online vetting and dating skills are crucial to learn and grasp. This post is best visited when you have a good amount of time sit and read, but the reward is worth it if it can potentially lead you to a great relationship. --- **Disclaimer**: Please only pursue dating (online, offline, and in general), if you are happy with your life and content. Dating should not be something you do to give your life meaning, but rather something you pursue to enhance your overall happiness. If you’re pining for an ex, or hurting because of a recent break-up/divorce, take a step back and focus on recovering. Allow yourself enough time to heal completely. If you don’t love who you are, how can you expect someone else to? **The Profile** - Your profile should do two things: 1. Accurately summarize who you are **today** 2. Make visitors want to know more about you (so they send you a message) How do you accomplish that? By being honest, succinct, welcoming, and emphasizing what you have to **offer** (as opposed to what you *expect* from) potential suitors. Online dating is a valuable tool for single women today, but as with any tool – it’s effectiveness largely depends on the skill of the user. My objective with this post is to spark your creativity and give you a comprehensive set of guidelines to work with as you create (or spruce up) your dating profiles. That’s right, profiles, as in *plural*. There are a lot of different online dating sites, and you should be using at *least* two. [**OKCupid**](https://web.archive.org/web/20161007110616/https://www.okcupid.com/) is my favorite dating site. It’s free, you can actively search for new matches in your area, and regardless of location – there have always been a lot of available gentlemen nearby. I will say that it’s worthwhile to sign up for the A-list feature. You can buy one month (or more), then immediately discontinue the ‘renew’ feature and make the site ‘forget’ your financial information. Be sure to answer questions, and don’t hesitate to add explanations to questions. I was often frustrated with phrasing, or having to decide on only one answer. I also added explanations to let people know when something was an absolute deal-breaker (for example, smoking), or when I was really flexible on a certain issue. **Zoosk** is another free site, although the layout never really became “second nature” for me personally – it’s still an option to keep in mind. **eHarmony** is a double edged sword in my experience. It’s the most expensive of all the dating sites (from what I remember, although that may have changed), and you are completely out of luck if no one in your area uses the site. Beware: the site will promote itself as “free,” and there are “open” weekends where you can start a profile without paying – but the features are limited. Furthermore, committed users will often avoid going online during the promotional weekends. Which makes sense, if you go through the hassle of spending money on a service – you want to avoid the temporary ‘free-loaders’. This was the first dating site I ever used, so I am fond of it, that said, I would definitely recommend going with one of the free options first. **Match.com** This is another site that claims to be free, but the truth is that if you don’t pay for a subscription, then it’s basically useless as a service. “[Match.com free members can’t look at someone else’s profile much less reply to a paying member who has sent them an email without first paying the monthly fee. You can peek around a little bit after creating a profile \(called a ‘portrait’ at Match.com\), but you won’t get very far without becoming a full fledged member.](https://web.archive.org/web/20161121203520/http://dating.about.com/od/sitereviews/fr/match.htm)” This site is cheaper than eHarmony however. [**Plenty Of Fish**](https://web.archive.org/web/20161007110610/http://www.pof.com/) review: “[with one of the fastest sign ups possible \(most questions can be deferred for later\), Plenty of Fish offers all of its features at no cost to the user whatsoever, including instant messaging, smiles, compatibility testing and matching, general dating and geographic forums and a hot or not photo rating system. Plenty of Fish users can also see who has looked at their profile \(although now for a fee as of December 2010\), ban certain types of users from contacting them \(such as from certain regions of the world or people only looking for sex\), and add people to their personal favorites list.](https://web.archive.org/web/20161209132850/http://dating.about.com/od/sitereviews/fr/pof.htm)” **Specialty Sites** like (1) **Christian Mingle**, (2) **Our Time**, (3) **Professional Singles Over 40**, and (4) **How About We** are more specialized sites. I would recommend doing your research. Figure out how much the site costs, and the features it offers. **Photos** - The purpose of posting pictures, for better or worse, is to allow visitors to assess your attractiveness and decide if they want to message you. The photos you post should be accurate representations of the way you look now (which means they should be **recent**, if it’s more than two years old – don’t post it). If you have gained weight, then the two year rule does not apply. Only post photos that reflect your current weight. Be honest, and you will feeling guilty about being purposely deceptive. Some people like to think they can “get away” with telling certain lies about their physical appearance, but that’s simply not true. If things go well, and you actually end up meeting for a date, you can bet your buttons he’s going to notice if you misrepresented your physical appearance. I can tell you first hand that it’s really annoying when people lie about their physical appearance. I am a tall woman, and I didn’t randomly decide to list myself as 6 feet tall. On more than one occasion, a gentleman in question had listed himself as 6’1″ or 6’2″ when he was actually 5’10”. I didn’t care if someone was an inch or two shorter than myself, I’ve dated a shorter gentleman in the past, and it doesn’t bother me. That said, I felt like an idiot for showing up in my **one** pair of kitten heels thinking that I’d be in the clear. If you aren’t happy with the way you look currently, let this be the motivational kick in the rump you need to start making positive changes. You should consider getting a few of your photos taken professionally. It’s worth spending a little money to have your face properly lit (overheard bathroom bulbs will often highlight your face in an unflattering way). If you don’t want to include a body shot of yourself in a bikini (believe me, I understand) then you can post one of you going on a hike with friends, or wearing a fitted dress during a night out with friends. Don’t post any pictures where you’re holding a drink, in a bar, or club. Why? You are trying to find a good man that’s looking for a long-term relationship, and you want to avoid (as much as possible) attracting guys only interested in flings. You also don’t want to come across as the careless party girl. If you include any group shots with other women, be sure to edit out their faces with a color dot. Why? For one thing, you want to make it easy for anyone looking at your photo to be able to spot you. For another thing, you don’t want someone to “pass” on messaging you because they think one of your friends is more attractive. Don’t include any pictures with ex-boyfriends, it’s just plain tacky. I mentioned bathroom selfies earlier, but it’s worth mentioning again. Bathroom (or bedroom) selfies often have bad lighting, but people almost always forget to pay attention with the state of the room they are in. The mirrors are often dirty, and the room itself is often in a state of disarray or cluttered. Do you really want every potential boyfriend to see your dirty laundry on the floor? Your unmade bed? Your toilet seat or the state of your shower? You’ll be judged not only on how you look, but also the look of your apartment. There are better (and more flattering) settings you can utilize, so **please** keep that in mind. A reader mentioned that I didn’t talk about clothing choices, so I will address that topic now. You want to portray yourself as a responsible, decent, and feminine individual. Your clothes should be fitted, but not trashy. You want to *hint* at your sexuality without coming off as easy or reckless. If you have any face piercings (eyebrow, nose ring, beauty mark, tongue) take them out. You want people to see your face, not the metal sticking out of it. The outfits you wear in your photo will create a “working base” that every gentleman will build off of moving forward. Bra straps should not be visible, your stomach should be covered. It’s better to err on the side of caution in this case. It’s better to look more conservative when it comes to clothing choices. You can consider consulting with a make-up stylist, especially if you decide to get professional photos taken. Explain what you want to portray, and ask for their input. You want to be tasteful, beautiful, feminine with a hint of sex-appeal. **Check-List:** - * Recent photos (if it’s more than two years old – don’t post it) * If you have recently gained weight, the two year rule does **not** apply. Post pictures that are accurate reflections of how you currently look. * Consider getting some professional photos taken * Include a subtle body shot (wear a fitted dress, or workout clothes) * No alcoholic drinks/beers, bars, or clubs – think about the messages you’re sending * No photos with ex-boyfriends * Edit out the faces of female friends * Avoid the bathroom or bedroom selfie * Wear your hair down * Avoid photos with your pet(s) **Interests and Hobbies** - List between 1-3 hobbies, but make sure they are things you are actually pursue/do on a regular basis. For example, if you go three months between visiting trails, then listing “hiking” as a hobby is very misleading. These should be the activities you **make** time for, even when you’re busy and stressed. If you run several times a week, or do yoga every morning – include that on your list. If you cook every day or enjoy baking – list that! Cooking is a skill everyone can appreciate. Scrapbooking, sewing/crocheting/knitting, painting, writing, playing a musical instrument, tutoring children, volunteering at a local animal shelter, library etc. If you can’t think of something to include under this category – let that motivate you and get you thinking. Hobbies are meant to round out and enrich your life. Take a class just for fun, get involved in your community, start a book club or a DIY group. Find something that gets you excited and ignites your passion. Learning is a life-long process, and you should be continually looking for ways to spark your enthusiasm and passion. **Check-List**: * 1-3 hobbies that you make time for regularly * Be sure to include feminine hobbies that good men will find attractive * If you don’t have anything to list – take that as a wake up call to start branching out **Books** - Few things are more annoying and pointless (in my opinion) than someone that tries to list off every book they’ve ever read. To me it shows that they don’t have any ability to edit, and they have unrealistic expectations of how much time men want to spend looking at their profile. So save yourself a lot of time, and take a more practical approach. List any books you are currently reading. Include the title, author, and sell the book a little. You can do this by including an interesting quote, or a brief overview. That said, if you’re reading a romance novel it’s probably best to leave that out. Why? Mainly because guys don’t care about romance novels. I understand that not everyone is big on reading, so instead you could post a link to an article that you find really interesting. If you can’t think of an article (or blog) off the top of your head, then go do some research! **Check-List:** - * List any books you are currently reading * Include the author, title, and a quote or brief summary * If you aren’t reading a book – find an article, provide a link and create the opportunity for more in-depth conversations **Movies** - Make this a list of five movies. List the last three movies you saw that you really enjoyed. Whether you caught [You’re Next](https://web.archive.org/web/20161009150721/http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1853739/) on the big screen or saw [The Fugitive](https://web.archive.org/web/20160124083552/http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106977/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1) for the first time, just share the most recent movies you saw for the first time and really had a good time watching. The number four and five slots are for your top two all-time favorite movies. Too hard to pick? Then just stick with listing off three. Simplicity is beautiful. **Music** - Once again, you should resist the urge to list every group and song you adore. Instead, mention the last two or three live concerts that you’ve been to. Even if it’s simply a local band, an opera, musical, or symphony. Why? Because when someone says they *love* a certain band/type of music, their word carries a little more legitimacy if they’ve taken the time (and spent the money) to see that music live. You’ll also have *more* to talk about than simply what song(s) you like (for example the venue, atmosphere, interactions with the crowd, if you dressed up etc). You are simultaneously presenting a few of your interests while also creating the potential for future conversations. If there’s a funny or interesting story tied to the concert – be sure to mention that, but don’t give away all the details. You can easily include something along the lines of “something really weird happened on the way to the concert, but you’ll have to message me if you want to find out more…” Even if you don’t have a story attached to this section – you **should** include a similar line somewhere else on your profile. **What I’m Looking For** - Here is a prime example of where so many women make a really big mistake. This is not your chance to list off every last detail you want your ideal man to have. So let’s take a moment to take about **valid** qualities that are *worth* mentioning and **nonsense** traits that you will benefit from leaving off your list. Remember, you want to appeal to as many *good* men as possible, and you don’t want to end up driving anyone off with overly specific descriptions. Avoid talking about “the hopeless romantic” – smart men will interpret that to mean “I want weak-willed-woman-worshiper that’s easy to manipulate.” Don’t include any physical traits (example: six-pack, tall, muscular, etc) you will come off sounding entitled. In addition, if you list “six pack” but you don’t have a perfectly flat stomach (and very overall fit body) you will seem hypocritical. Keep this section short, and that will help you avoid sounding overly demanding. You are (presumably) looking for a long-term relationship or marriage, and you need to upfront about that fact. **Example**: I’m looking for a confident man that wants to explore life with a good woman by his side. An honest man that knows the value of working hard, and pursues his interests. **Describing Yourself** - This is your chance to talk about all the wonderful things you have to **offer** a good man. Highlight the fact that you want to enhance the life of the man you end up dating. Mention that while ultimately you want to be in a committed relationship – you understand that it takes time to build a strong foundation. Brag about how much you enjoy cooking and baking for that special someone. As a reader pointed out, it’s important to avoid using certain masculine words like “independent.” Now, being independent is not in and of itself bad, but the treatment of the word by certain women has skewed the meaning. When you say “independent” many men will see “battle-ax” and “will not listen to a man.” You want to accentuate your femininity here and share all the ways you can enhance a good man’s life. Instead of “independent” try using the word “responsible.” Talk about how important respect, courtesy, patience, sincerity, and honesty are to you personally. **Example**: I’m a laid back woman that enjoys making the people closest to me happy. On any given Friday you can find me cooking a nice meal and watching a movie with a few friends. I’m not afraid to admit when I don’t know something, and I’m always eager to learn something new. I believe learning is a life-long process. **Messaging** - **Send Messages**. Be sure that you are actively contacting men that catch your eye. Your messages should be at least a full paragraph (if not longer), be sure to ask relevant questions from information you see on the profile. You should have a few “opener” stories that are funny or sweet and tell the gentlemen something specific about your personality. Be interested in getting to know the man you are messaging. Check your messages for spelling and grammar mistakes. When it comes to ‘meeting’ someone online, one of the few ways you can put your best ‘cyber’ foot forward is to take the time to write out a thoughtful message and make sure that there are no obvious errors. **Respond To Every Message.** That’s right, even if you have no interest in talking to the guy – he took the time to message you, so the *least* you can do is message him in return. It’s important to realize that when it comes to online dating, *everything* is a lot easier for women. You will probably receive some less than appealing messages from men. That said, everyone deserves a response. You **must** maintain your composure, don’t waste any energy getting into a pointless exchange where you end up exchanging insults. If you don’t want to converse with someone, have a pre-written message handy. “Hello, I wanted to thank you for taking the time to message me, I really appreciate it. That said, unfortunately my ticket is a bit full at the moment, and I am focusing on getting to know two other gentlemen. That said, I will keep you in mind if my situation changes.” Now, you may or may not *actually* have two other specific gentlemen on your plate, but that’s not the point. You are letting the person that contacted you down gently and respectfully. Even if they send you an obscene or offensive message, there’s no need to respond rudely. Do you *really* want to tick off someone that clearly has no problem with being inflammatory? Respond politely, and if they continue to heckle you – simply block them. **Ask (At Least) One Question**, and make it an interesting or unusual one. Ask the kind of questions you enjoy answering. The object here is to get creative and think about effective ways to not only sustain a conversation but *propel it forward*. * **Have you ever run out of gas while driving?** This question creates the possibility to share an interesting story about misadventure. You can easily start talking about travelling, your favorite vacation, if you like to camp, or bike, or if you enjoy exploring on public transportation. * **Do you have any personal superstitions or routines that you complete for good luck?** If you have a funny thing that you do out of habit, share that story either before or after posing the question. This question also opens the door to talking about cultural superstitions, folklore, as well as a general discussion about routines (some people find comfort in having a set schedule, while other people prefer to have variety – this in turn reflects certain aspects of your personality and general preferences). * **Unlimited money or unlimited knowledge?** What do you value more in life? Knowledge, or financial security? Do you see one as a means to achieve the other? * **If you could pick anyone alive or dead – who would you want as a mentor?** This paves the way to a historical and philosophical conversation. **Rules and Boundaries** - The rules you decide to employ may be very different from the ones I followed, which is fine. All I can do is share what worked well for me, and always made me feel safe. Men often wanted to go on dates/meet in real life much sooner than I was comfortable with. If it’s too soon for you, be upfront and honest. “I’m really enjoying getting to know you, but I’m not comfortable with meeting you for a date yet. That said, if we continue to chat and things go well, I’d be happy to go out for coffee next Thursday. How does that sound?” It’s a simple technique that provides you with an extra week to message and get to know the gentleman, while also giving him what he wants (a date with you). Exchanging substantive messages for at least two weeks prior to going out on a date isn’t unreasonable. You create the opportunity to actually talk with one another about things that go beyond “I like hiking too!” type conversations. There’s an added benefit to sticking with messages for a bit longer – you are more likely to weed out the players, and the men only interested in sex. Let’s face it, even if you plaster “I’m only interested in long-term dating” all over your profile – men are still going to try get in your pants. Fortunately, men that are only looking to get you under the sheets rarely have the patience and commitment to exchange more than a few messages. Which is one of the main reasons I stress written communication so much. If he isn’t willing to match your responses in terms of length and authenticity – that’s a **huge** red flag. Some men are straightforward about simply trying to have sex, but some are (or try to be) more subtle. You should chat on the phone at least once prior to going on a date. That way you can familiarize yourself with his voice, and work through some initial awkwardness. If you’re shy, write down a few topics or questions you’d like to ask him before hand. The conversation doesn’t have to last long, you can say that your lunch hour is drawing to a close, or that you have a meeting to go to. After you set a time and place to meet – **give all the pertinent information to a local friend or family member**. Time, location, his name, his phone number, what time you expect to be home, promise to call your back-up when you are safely home. I never had a bad experience, I never felt uneasy about meeting someone for a date. That said, I made sure someone knew where I was and what was going on. I contacted my friend/family member when I got home to let them know I was safe and sound. Being prepared is not the same as being afraid. Don’t tell **anyone** where you live. Sure, things are going well *so far*, but it’s prudent to meet at neutral locations until you decide to date one another more seriously. You could go on six wonderful dates, and then decide on the seventh that it’s best to part ways. Just be cautious and think carefully before you tell someone where you sleep every night. If you go on one or two dates, and know that you aren’t really “clicking” with the gentleman in question – let him know upfront. Don’t try to fade away and simply become a ghost. Be clear. “It was really nice meeting you, but I don’t think this is going to work out. Thank you for spending time with me, and please take care.” Whether you do this in person, on the phone, or through email – just make sure that you **tell him**. If you are old enough to date, you are old enough to conduct yourself like an adult and be direct. You wouldn’t want someone to waste your time, so take care not to waste someone else’s. Don’t schedule more than one date per day. Other people may disagree, but I think this makes a lot of sense. You should be speed-dating and meeting as many men as possible. Going out on dates should be reserved for the gentlemen that really impress you and have made an effort to get to know you. I’ll be honest, online dating *can* become overwhelming if you don’t set boundaries and pace yourself. You don’t want to start treating prospective romantic interests like cans of soup you see in the grocery store. Remember that every profile represents another human that’s eager to meet, mingle, and make a connection. It’s okay to step away from your online dating sites for a week. Take breaks as you need them. You can even post a disclaimer on your profiles that says: “I have a lot of things going on right now, but I promise to respond to messages as soon as I am able to. Thank you for understanding and take care.” **The Bottom Line** - Online dating is a wonderful way to meet good men. You just have to be willing to invest time, effort, and exercise patience. If you’ve never considered online dating to be a viable option before, I hope you at least give it a try. I tend to think that it’s the safest, and most effective way to meet men. Alcohol doesn’t play a role (which may not be the case if you meet someone in a bar or club). You don’t have to shout over background chatter or loud music. You don’t face the same “do or die” time limits (exchange numbers before you leave or risk never running into him again), and you can maintain your anonymity until you decide to disclose more information. If you are normally shy, then utilizing online dating is the *perfect way* to practice initiating and sustaining conversations with attractive men that you don’t know. You can refine the stories and anecdotes you share, taking note of what works and what doesn’t. Instant Messaging is a great way to practice your flirting skills and real-time conversational abilities. If you already use online dating (or if you have in the past), I hope this gives you some new ideas to improve your profile. Questions, comments, concerns and observations are (as always) welcomed and encouraged.",,9,FastLifePineapple,2023-09-09 15:35:55 RedPillWomen,16dzhq4,Were you attracted to your husband/partner from the first date?,"Hi ladies, so I’ve been on 2 dates with a man (with a third upcoming) and I haven’t yet felt attraction for him. He’s a very sweet man and is very considerate, everything I wanted on my ‘checklist’ except I just don’t feel the physical attraction :( I’ve only been in one other relationship before and I was attracted to him (my ex) from the first date, but we were friends for about a year first and I definitely wasn’t attracted to my ex at the start of our friendship - I think it took about 6 months for me to see him as someone I’d like to date. However with this current guy, there hasn’t been too much time for friendship to build up, and I feel like I need to be friends with a guy first before I can feel attraction. While I’m not repulsed by the idea of kissing, sex etc with him, I also feel absolutely nothing as I’m not emotionally attached to him yet. I’m wondering if anyone here has entered long term relationships were there has been no attraction in the beginning but then it grew? Would love to hear your story! Since there’s a a chance this won’t work out, I don’t want him to waste money on me (he insists on paying for everything and won’t allow me to contribute at all financially) I’ve only ever been in 50:50 relationships/dates where the freedom to walk away at any time feels liberating since the guy can’t get mad at me for wasting his money. It’s the first time I’ve dated someone who insists on paying and I’m a little confused how to conduct myself…",,23,-ladykitsune-,2023-09-09 07:31:04 RedPillWomen,16dq7kb,Losing attraction - help!,"Writing this on a throwaway as he knows my main account. I’m in the UK, if that helps. My boyfriend and I have been together just shy of 2 years now, he recently graduated in June however he’s living with his parents and looking for part time work at the moment until he gets a full time entry level role. He wants to get into data analysis but he’s never had a paying job before, just volunteer work with charities, and didn’t do a computer science degree. I did a placement where screening CVs was important so I told him I would take a look at his… and I was honestly horrified. I would never hire him, nor would any of my colleagues, because his CV looks like he’s just gone through life coasting on the strength of his parents’ money, and not doing any hard work whatsoever. (Went to private school, didn’t work through uni, and his parents paid his rent while doing his degree) Back at the start of his final year, I nudged him towards maybe taking some brief time out from his studying and applying to graduate roles that would open up this year September (now), as they’re like gold dust and vanish pretty quickly. He told me he was far too busy… here we are, a year later and most, if not all, of his friends are going into graduate positions, living on their own in London (where I live, also on my own) while he’s looking for part time jobs in hospitality and still living with his parents. I’m trying to put on a brave face and let him know that I really do support him, and whatever he needs me to do I’ll help with, but I can’t help part of me feeling like I’ve got the ick. All of his friends did the same thing he did, but they’ve all got jobs and are starting their lives. He doesn’t. He’s so passive about it that it makes me want to scream. Any advice? Any suggestions? How do I reframe my mindset and be a good helper in this situation? I don’t want to leave him, I’m in love with him and he’s the one person I’ve seen myself realistically marrying and having kids with. But I’m so scared this will tarnish my image of him as a provider and leave me resenting him. Thanks for reading 🩷",,7,cutietoes1332,2023-09-08 23:43:09 RedPillWomen,16dfi3r,How would a RP man feel about an anorgasmic wife?," I’ve been anorgasmic my whole marriage/life (never messed around or really masturbated before I got married at 21 yo). I have a happy and functional marriage, three very healthy pregnancies/babies, and no other health problems. My husband and I are both fit and porn-free. We have sex frequently enough (prob 2 times a week), and the quality, besides sometimes just being exhausted parents, is good. ….but for the first few years of our marriage, sex was very very painful for me, and then after the 3rd year, the pain dissolved and just led to… nothing. I have a good libido- high, I think. I am attracted to him. I get mentally very aroused (sex is all in my head- but I’ve heard that’s how women are?). I just don’t feel a single good feeling during sex. I can be as aroused af and just feel the pressure/presence and nothing more. It used to bother me endlessly, but now I’ve just kind of accepted it. In the early days I saw a pelvic floor PT who said everything looked fine. I also have had countless OB appointments. Everything fine. I’ve kind of given up and accepted that it won’t happen for me. Knowing my husband loves me is enough. But I have read about men, again and again in so many places, that they feel so proud and masculine when they bring their wife to orgasm. Peek alpha performance. How does my husband really feel about this? It is one topic he’s kind of quiet about (communicates about everything else excellently). Does this bother him greatly? What could I do to make things better for him?",,17,Joyfulwoman,2023-09-08 16:43:08 RedPillWomen,16d8iv5,How to handle feeling like I come second to husband’s job.,"I feel like I already know the responses that will come (it’s the masculine thing) but still going to post anyways. I put my husband, kids, and home first in my life. I am a SAHM and am constantly thinking about their needs and providing for said needs. I have 2 boys under 2 so hobbies are pretty much out the window but I still make time for self care and take a yoga class on the weekends. My husband works full time and for the past couple years I feel like work is the center of his universe, then the kids, then me. Yesterday he had a work conference in the city (we live 10mins away). He came home to help with bath/bedtime because he’s sweet like that, but then went back to the conference. I texted him at 9:30pm kind of irritated like, so how’s it going? When you home? No response. He got home an hour later and apologized saying they went to the bar (conference was in a hotel) to watch the football game. He was too caught up in conversations all night to text me and let me know he’d be later. We’ve had many conversations about this. His is in an industry where happy hours and dinners run late, it’s very social, I accept this. But it hurts that he doesn’t think about me enough to just say.. going to watch the game with coworkers be home around 10:30. I would 10000% do that if I was in his shoes. His excuse of being in constant conversations and go go go with work is bs. I don’t want to nag and I appreciate how hard he works and he is immensely involved with our kids… but feeling like I put him first and he puts me third.. maybe second at best, is making me feel just incredibly sad.",,24,Own-Grapefruit7309,2023-09-08 11:54:04 RedPillWomen,16d15bb,Dating someone who never wants to get married,"So I started dating someone new, and he seems great. Really good reputation in the community, good job, owns a home, is sweet and attentive, great cook! Only downside is he says he doesn’t ever want to get married. He does want kids and a life partner, but says he goes back and forth on thinking about the actually legal formality with things. For me, marriage is important, though there are some benefits to not being married for me (keeping my Medicaid and not having to pay on student loans- I am very low income with health issues). So, at 34, wall here and only growing higher, I wonder if I should settle on this matter as this guy is a catch in a lot of other ways. For reference, I live in Hawaii in which condos such as his are now widely unaffordable for people in our age range and rents are only continuing to skyrocket. I don’t want to leave. And I’m really enjoying the vibe between us. I’m wondering if there’s a way to approach this conversation again with curiosity to see why he doesn’t feel inclined to ever get married. I’m very religious so I would have to at least have a spiritual outward/non legal marriage but would like the option of a legal one. Because of my religious beliefs “divorce rape” would not be a thing for me and I’d be willing to sign a prenup if it was fair. It feels like too much to think about at this early stage in dating but I don’t want to continue to invest in something that is unwise or not going anywhere.",,20,No_Control7023,2023-09-08 04:55:52 RedPillWomen,16dpr26,Is it unfair to date to pass time if I want to get back with my ex again eventually?,"Lately i’ve been struggling with really complicated feelings. I’m still in love with my (21F) ex (24M) we tried to rekindle things but we still weren’t totally on the same page so parted amicably. He loves me and I love him but I don’t think I can be with him until he’s able to sort himself out and I made this clear to him. I trust that he will figure out how to get to that place soon enough. I’m not ready to give my body to another man and I’m not interested in sleeping with another man that isn’t him, like ever again and I told him this. I feel like my body is just for him and to be intimate with another man who is not him, it feels wrong? I don’t know why. I never felt this way about my relationships in the past when they ended but sex with him was very special to me and I can’t imagine experiencing that with another man. I know it all sounds silly but this is how I feel and he told me the same thing, that his body is just for me. I believe and trust that he won’t sleep with another woman. I want to try to date again, to pass time, to get my mind off him and also just to go out and meet new people and maybe potentially make new friendships for now. I have been asked for my number quite a few times this week and I’m not interested in these guys but I’m open to going out with them. So yeah, Is it wrong to do this? To go out with guys who ask me out with no intention of pursuing anything, serious or casual, with them even if I’m honest from the beginning? And I hope this doesn’t come off rude because it’s not my intention but I’m not really looking for specific relationship advice concerning my ex but instead just want to know if going on dates just for fun is wrong/unfair.",,0,burner4567890,2023-09-08 23:24:32 RedPillWomen,16cfpff,RPW interpretation of the movie Barbie?,"Anyone watched this movie and thought it was a bit deeper than the glitz and pink and fashion they had expected? I thought it was interesting commentary on how men have lost their role in society, and also that by pushing and glorifying women to be “everything” we’ve forgotten that it’s okay to just be as we are. I was a little confused at the ending but I think it mostly meant that nobody should live in someone else’s shadow and we need to find our individual selves. Would love to hear others opinions! xo",,29,aussiedollface2,2023-09-07 13:20:51 RedPillWomen,16bvb47,Back To Basics September: Practicing Vulnerability,"For the entire month of September, we're revisiting some foundational posts in a series designed to serve as an RPW refresher. This week, we're focusing on our sister subreddit, RedPillWives (RPWi), and exploring their wiki. Please note, we are not the original authors of these posts. We'll be offering our insights as both moderators and active community members. Our objective is to provide you with a curated guide that can serve as a cornerstone to understanding RPW principles, while revitalizing some enduring ideas. No matter your relationship, tips on communicating effectively with your man can always be helpful. This guide by BeautifulSpaceCadet helps us brush up on showing our vulnerability. To be vulnerable is absolutely a *skill* (yes, a skill) that must be practiced for those of us who weren't raised already knowing it. It's a hard skill to practice, because an inherent risk must be performed, and it is not just any risk. It's the risk you are most afraid to take, which is how you wound up in this situation in the first place. You're afraid to open up. You're afraid to give someone the power to break you. You're afraid to trust someone else with your emotions and know exactly what to do when them. You're afraid to take your well-being out of your own control. You're afraid of what it means to depend on someone for your happiness. You're afraid of what it would take out of you to begin to even accomplish this, and you don't want to preform one risky behaviour to engage in yet another (lowering your defense for the sole purpose of being indefensible). Maybe not all of those apply, but for many the majority do. And it's a wise fear to be sure, there's nothing irrational about it. But it's important to realize that this fundamental lack of trust, which is exactly what it's produced by, is a disservice to you and your relationship and the connection you and your partner *both* crave. And that list I made above of everything you're likely afraid of? It's also well-founded. And that point I made about being afraid of him not knowing what do to with your emotions? Well he won't. Firstly because he's only human, and secondly because he's not accustomed to being trusted with them, and it will be a learning process for him as well. Be easy on him as he initially fumbles, and by practicing vulnerability you will find in him a fierce protector of your emotions and feelings. **""Bring him your problem, not your solution"".** We say that a lot around here, though it's not always directly meant to enhance vulnerability, but that was a huge step for me in helping me get there, and a very bite-sized step as well. Instead of thinking I know best course of action all the time (*nobody* does), I trusted him with the problem and let him propose a solution to me; it's almost always better than the course of action I would have chosen myself! My SO is so analytical, and he definitely has my best interests in mind. He can offer a detached perspective and form a rational response as opposed to an emotional one. Your man can do the same, I assure you. **Learn to express yourself.** Start small! But learn to say when you feel anxious, when you feel disappointment, when you feel anything...just say it! Happiness as well. Let him know every time he has made you happy that day. If he hasn't, then fix your damn attitude and start looking for all the wonderful things he has *certainly* done. Did he go to work? Did do anything to keep the home running? Did he take care of any critical responsibilities? Then he is working to increase the quality of your life and deserves to be thanked for that. Don't allow yourself to get caught up in score keeping (and dismissing things he has done because you've done 'more'). Evaluate every action he makes *independently* and praise him based on those, he deserves it. **Expect him to resist your efforts.** Yup, that's right. It's kind of messed up that you're going to try this hard, and he is going to push back instead of support you. Why would he do that?? Well probably he won't believe you've changed. It will take months for him to have faith in a true transformation, *months*. You cannot undo all the hurt you've caused him in a few short days or weeks of being Polly Pleasant. He is going to push back, and test you. He wants to know this is a real you, and not a cheap facade that will crumble at the first sign of trouble. Which in the beginning, it will be. But just keep building that back up. Again. And again. And again. And again. *Keep moving forward*. **Praise his leadership and masculinity.** Except to do that you'll first have to learn how to allow it to happen, and how to recognize it when it does. You've likely stifled it for so long it's a real effort for him instead of a natural flow as it should be. [I wrote this comment recently](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/4em5nc/so_wants_to_make_a_career_change_advice_on_how_to/d21a5ox), and though the context is a bit different, I think it gives a good sense of the language you will want to use. I have said every single one of those sentences to my SO, and the principles of each are applied daily to our relationship. I truly believe them, but I do believe taking the time to reaffirm my own feelings and expressing them is a positive feedback loop for the both of us. **LISTEN TO HIM**. This is so simple, so important, and so hard. Stop fucking talking. You've had your turn to talk for the last how long? Stop it. Stop it now. Listen to the words he is saying. Not just hear him speak, *listen*. Repeat what he says, and don't add your own commentary. If it sounds awkward, refer back to the point where I say to *tell him how you feel*. You can say ""Babe, I want to listen to what you're saying instead of just dismissing you, but honestly it feels really awkward. Which makes it even more important I practice! Please don't mind if I keep repeating you to make sure I'm understanding what you're trying to tell me."" It all works together! **Practice a gratitude attitude.** I touched on it above. But consciously exert the time and energy into noticing all he does. I assure you, he does plenty. And remember, ""what gets rewarded gets repeated"". Don't call out the behaviour you don't want constantly. That will tear down his spirit and why would he put in the effort to make you happy when it's never recognized? Instead praise everything you can find to praise, and you will both benefit from your positive attitude and graciousness. **You're going to mess up...a lot.** I do. We all do. It'll get less and less, and it's all part of being vulnerable. I totally flub up sometimes and get critical of HB, but that can also be a practice in vulnerability. Vulnerability can be recognizing your own short comings and practicing humility; if you've stepped out of line, apologize without words of rationalization. The other day HB told me I was being cold via text in the evenings and I realized I had been completely misplacing stress on him, and fired back ""I am so sorry, I've been stressed and that has absolutely nothing to do with you and you never deserve to be treated that way, never."" He was instantly understanding and I made a special effort to not let outside negativity find its way into our relationship. **Your relationship should be your rock.** This is something HB taught me, and goes into the last sentence of the previous point. Your relationship should be a force field of positivity from the rest of the world, and to accomplish that it takes years of practicing bearing your soul to your partner. It's a goal you must always work toward. It's so rewarding to know *no matter what happens in life* that you can turn to your relationship for protection from it all. Things going bad at work? It doesn't matter, you have your SO. Financial hardships? It doesn't matter, you have your SO. Trouble in the family? It doesn't matter, you have your SO. This is not to say having a loving relationship is a silver bullet to fixing all life's hardships, not at all; what it is saying is that none of that can outweigh the joy and security you have found in each other, and as long as it's nurtured then you have cause and motivation to keep moving forward. I hope this can be found helpful. It truly is worthwhile endeavor, and what you lose in defensiveness and walls, you will gain ten-fold in the richness of your relationship and the profound connection you can share with another person.",,27,ChamomileMist,2023-09-06 20:38:06 RedPillWomen,16a0rus,Please help - I don’t love when my husband is silly leading up to sex,"We’re both in our early 30s, have been married for over 3 years. A year or so ago I noticed he had this habit of acting kind of silly when we’d be starting foreplay. For example, if he comes home and I have some lingerie already on he’ll act kind of like, silly about being aroused - I don’t know exactly how to explain it. The best description I have is if he comes home from work and I’m wearing sexy lingerie, he’ll wiggle his eyebrows and say something kind of goofy - but I literally just want him to tell me I’m hot or beautiful. Preferably no eyebrow wiggle. It kills most of the vibe for me because it feels like he’s acting like a high schooler instead of my adult male husband. How do I talk to him about this? Should I just say “hey I prefer when you act more serious”? I obviously don’t want to insult or hurt him or make him feel insecure. Outside of me dressing up in skimpy outfits and lingerie, we’re pretty vanilla so I don’t need him to act like dominate or aggressive. I just don’t like the silly high schooler vibe. Adding that he never acts goofy during sex itself, once we’re having sex he’s more serious and assertive which I love. Just leading up to foreplay he acts goofy sometimes and it just doesn’t make me feel sexy.",,106,fineapple__,2023-09-04 19:04:11 RedPillWomen,16aqyfo,Biological clock ticking ⏳️,"Little background: 26f, no biological children, stepparent to a 8 y/o & a 13 y/o (two separate BMs) for the last 4 years. I've never really wanted kids, but started convincing myself of wanting a family around my early 20's. My parents marriage ended early due to my father's infidelity and it had always put a fear of getting married and getting divorced in my mind. Met an amazing guy who I fell in love with and has two amazing, beautiful kids. Here we are now, 4 years later. I can't tell if it's all my friends around me having their first babies, or if it's dealing with the drama of the BMs, or if it's my own natural biological clock but something has changed in me. I want a drive for a family - my own family. I'm overly jealous and frustrated that I'm piecing together a family that's not even me, but I'm also frustrated I feel this way since I DON'T WANT TO HAVE A KID. I feel like I'm going crazy. I'm fighting my body as it's screaming at me to ""get pregnant, start a family! It's how you'll be complete"" and my logical side yelling, ""this is perfect! You have a family with no birthing or pregnancy and you have half a family to help raise these kids while you focus on school"". Its an endless fight that just makes me feel trapped and frustrated. Not sure if anyone else feels this way... TL;DR: I feel like my biological clock is ticking and screaming at me to procreate, but I don't want to! I want to focus on building my life and I hate that my subconscious can only consider it a family if I conceive a child.",,2,CharminglilCunt,2023-09-05 15:15:53 RedPillWomen,16a4o5c,Back To Basics September: A Comprehensive Guide to Vetting Men,"For the entire month of September, we're revisiting some foundational posts in a series designed to serve as an RPW refresher. This week, we're focusing on our sister subreddit, RedPillWives (RPWi), and exploring their wiki. Please note, we are not the original authors of these posts. We'll be offering our insights as both moderators and active community members. Our objective is to provide you with a curated guide that can serve as a cornerstone to understanding RPW principles, while revitalizing some enduring ideas. Vetting is one of the most important strategies we have. [In this post](https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/a-comprehensive-guide-to-vetting-men.210045), Camille and PhantomDream team up to write a comprehensive guide. *Mod note: I've tried to link to the originals where they still exist.* *** Does this dating advice sound familiar to you? * “Don’t worry about the future, you’re young and have plenty of time!” * “Just go with the flow!” * “Sleep with a man as soon as you feel passionate about him, if he likes you he will stick around!” * “You’ll meet ‘the one’ when the time is right!” Each statement gives women a false sense of security and misrepresents what it takes to obtain lasting, exclusive commitment. Female sexual strategy is more than just looking good and showing up to the right place at the right time. Anyone interested in a long term relationship or marriage with a quality man must prioritise this goal and put in the requisite time and effort. Not only should you make sure that you are the best woman possible, you must actively search for the best man possible. Women date to filter through eligible men and find who they want to spend the rest of their lives with. Sexual attraction and having a connection are extremely important, but a relationship will not succeed if arousal is the only factor you base your decisions on. If you have an idea of what you need and what you can’t handle, you will be able to date with a purpose instead of wasting time with men who are fun, but not viable long term options. **What is vetting?** To vet a man is to actively figure out if he has the qualities that you want, as well any deal breakers. Not only should he have a compatible personality, the two of you should share the same goals and vision of the future. **Why is vetting important?** It’s your first line of defense against ending up plated, strung along, alpha widowed, or tied to a man you really can’t stand. Properly vetting reduces your chances of needlessly increasing your N count with men that have zero intention of building a future with you. It is in **every** single woman’s best interest to fully vet each man she dates before agreeing to be in an exclusive relationship with him. **Am I shallow or entitled if I vet a man before commitment?** No, it is smart to have standards and adhere to them. The vetting process takes the entire person into account, not just a handful of traits. A comprehensive assessment of someone’s compatibility not only with your personality but with your life goals is essential for future happiness. **Does taking the time to vet a man mean that you don’t like him very much?** Absolutely not! In fact, putting in the effort to be more selective with who you commit to demonstrates how seriously you take relationships, and how much you value the man you ultimately end up with. If you sleep with every man who catches your eye, each encounter is worth less. A man knows your commitment (and sex!) means something if you don’t give it away easily. *** If you are single or in the early stages of dating, grab a notebook and a pen and follow the steps below! First, reflect on what you truly desire. How soon do you want to get married? How many children would you like to have? What goals and milestones would you like to achieve yourself and with your SO? What lifestyle and relationship dynamic do you thrive in? Keep these answers in mind as you think about the traits that your future SO should have. Next, you must distinguish between wants and needs. Needs are the essentials, the things that you **must** take into consideration and cannot compromise on. Some characteristics to consider when assessing what you need in a man: * **Age** - An older man is more likely to be established in his career, mature, ready to settle down, and secure in himself. But he may have baggage from past relationships, and it could be harder to relate to each other. If he is younger, there may be less pressure and more fun. However, you may fall into mothering role and/or find it hard to respect him. If you are in your early 20s, men in your age range may still be figuring themselves out, struggling financially or not interested in settling down. If you are in your 30s or beyond, you will be competing with younger and more attractive women if you go after your peers. * **Socioeconomic Status** - It makes the most sense to focus on men of the same or neighboring class. He’ll have similar values, expectations, behaviour, and more. Another benefit is that you’ll be able to navigate social situations without feeling uncomfortable or pressured. It will also be easier to meet men and go on dates, since you’ll be in the same area and enjoy the same things. Of course some women can find success without considering class, just be realistic about how well you will be able to handle a major shift either for you or your man. * **Ethnicity and Culture** - Similar backgrounds will lead to more harmony. The closer your cultures, the lower the chance for conflict when it comes to questions of lifestyle, childrearing, relationship dynamics and more. This doesn’t mean that you can’t look outside of your own ethnicity and/or culture, but you have to consider how well you two will actually mesh when it is time to build a life together. * **Religion** - Both of your religious backgrounds are important, even if neither of you are currently religious. This ties into the importance of culture as a whole - the upbringing of a Catholic woman is completely different from the upbringing of a Muslim man, even if they are both Americans of the same race, class, and location. If you want to practise your faith, be sure to find a man who supports that or at least won’t interfere. And don’t assume that you can convert him in the future! * **Marriage** - If you want to get married, make sure the man you are dating is interested in marriage before you commit to him! He doesn’t have to say that he specifically wants to marry you, just get a general sense of his life goals while you are in the early dating stage. Don’t come on too strongly! There is no reason for you to compromise on the subject of marriage, so make sure this is a top priority. * **Dominance Level** - Attraction is non negotiable. You cannot ignore how attracted you are to a man, or how much you respect him. If you do, then you’re just firing randomly in the dark and hoping that when you land a man, he doesn’t end up being too dominant, or too passive for long-term happiness and stability. Marriage is forever so don’t commit to someone you won’t be able to devote yourself to entirely. [Read up on dominance levels and dominance thresholds](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/xftbg7/back_to_basics_september_relationship_dynamics/) and reflect on what traits you value in a man. Pay attention and screen for the right combination of alpha and beta traits. * **Children** - You should be clear about how many kids you want, and know if the man you are seeing is on the same page as you. Don’t hope that you can convince him to want kids in the future, or to give up his dreams of having a large family if that is the case. Other characteristics you may consider in the “needs” category: * **Education** - When the man has as much, or more education than the woman, it allows the woman to look up to and trust her man. This does not mean reverse scenario cannot yield great results. Every woman must know for themselves how important this aspect is in relation to other qualities. * **Political/Ideological Affiliation(s)** - if you are passionate about politics, philosophy, culture, or similar fields, you’ll want to prioritise finding someone with similar views. Most men interested in traditional relationships are on the right side of the spectrum, and are not interested in debating their beliefs. * **Desired living location** - If you are tied to your current location, limit the men you date to other locals. Long-distance relationships are likely to fail for many reasons, one of the most common being that neither party is fully willing to uproot their life and move to be with the other person. If the thought of moving for a man makes you uneasy, then keep that in mind as you go out on dates. If someone has close ties to their family, halfway across the world, consider how that will affect your future together (frequent trips to visit his relatives, alternative holidays etc). * **Employment Status and Type of Job** - When the man makes at least as much money (if not more) than the woman, the woman has as an easier time respecting him, as he is the ‘stronger’ partner financially. This is a generalisation of course but you should know ahead of time what your preferences are. Other things to consider when it comes to a man’s job is how busy he will be, if travel is required, and the level of danger tied to his position. It does not make you a gold digger to include a man’s career in the vetting process. If you want to build a life with someone you need to have a clear idea of what your future together will look like. * **Appearance** - Major deal breakers only at this stage! For example, you may say you’ll love a man at any weight - but if you shudder at the thought of having sex with a 300 pound husband, then you should be vetting for someone with positive health/body habits. These are just general things to keep in mind, and it is **vital** that every woman personally identifies the basic things that will lead to harmony within the relationship. Once you've identified your criteria, only see men if they meet these basic standards *** Wants are optional; they are pleasant add-ons. You can live without them, but they’re really nice to have. A lot of women can get carried away with this category, especially if they are unrealistic about their personal dating worth. Aiming too high can lead you to high value men, but they will not be interested in anything long term or exclusive. It is true that some men are not open to a relationship (or marriage) until a woman comes along that truly changes his perspective about things. Understand that chasing those men includes an increased level of risk. (Read [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/4dp4yt/the_case_against_being_a_plate/) or [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/4ex76z/plates_a_few_clarifications/) to see why it is not in your best interest to rely on “plate” status as a dating strategy). As you think about what you want in a man, evaluate yourself as well. Would the man you are describing be willing to commit to you, as you are? If not, why not? * What steps do you need to take to [increase your SMV](http://www.therulesrevisited.com/2011/09/feminine-beauty-is-highly-controllable.html)? * Do you need to work on [psychological femininity](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1672w0f/back_to_basics_september_psychological_femininity/)? * Do you have a [handle on your emotions](https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/your-emotions-control-your-relationship.210172)? * Are you confident that you can be the best SO possible by [not nagging](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/4eggl7/reminding_vs_nagging/), being enthusiastic and [available sexually](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/4dghce/sexual_availability/), and [avoiding common relationship blunders](https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/ten-traps-that-trip-up-the-trying-to-be-submissive.210223)? While it is good to be firm about what you need, and what is a deal breaker, be flexible when it comes to everything else. You may think you want someone who plays the guitar, but find a deeper connection with a hunter! *** Now, on to deal breakers! This list is merely a jumping off point as it is okay to not care about or even prefer any of these traits, just know what you are getting into, and accept that your choices have consequences. Here are some common red flags: * Smokes cigarettes * Excessive drinking or drug use * Incompatible diets (e.g. he is a militant raw vegan) * Poor financial management skills * Criminal history or current criminal activity * History of infidelity * Previous marriage(s) * Has kids with another woman * Has a difficult time holding down a job * Has a history of gambling problems/overwhelming debt * Hot headed/short temper - prone to overreact * Serious health concerns * Overly sensitive and/or emotionally feminine * Lack of ambition * Clinginess * Previous bisexual or homosexual experiences * Unstable, dramatic or hate-filled relationships with his friends or family When it comes to dealbreakers and red flags, keep in mind that everyone is flawed. Don’t next a guy for being human! In addition, avoid trying to find a carbon copy of yourself. If you love to read and he loves sports, that doesn’t mean you two are a bad match. **What do you do if a man you are dating isn’t right for you?** If you have only been on a few dates, you can easily put an end to things by not reaching out and declining the next invitation he extends. If you are somewhere in the casual dating phase where you are regularly seeing each other but not exclusive (note: this is not the same as being a plate), it would be better to deliver the news the next time he calls you on the phone, or even in person if things were close to becoming official. There is no need to give an exhaustive list of all the reasons you two won’t work out, and it is in your best interest to cut off all contact afterwards. Don’t give him false hope or suggest that you remain friends. You don’t need to be cruel but there is no obligation for you to coddle him or hide your true feelings. *** There are a lot of moving pieces to the vetting process. You have to know what you want and need (as well as the difference between the two!), what you bring to the table, and major deal-breakers. If you are dating without a plan, then you are delaying your chances to meet a quality man you are compatible with, and increasing your likelihood for [stress, panic and loneliness in the future](https://therationalmale.com/2012/12/19/the-epiphany-phase/). Keep the ideas outlined above in mind and you will have an easier time entering into the right relationship! P.S. For information on dating strategies tailored to your age/life stage, [read this](https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/girl-game-for-different-life-stages.210100)! If you are interested in online dating, take a look at [this guide](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/4ebgbv/online_dating/)!",,22,ArdentBandicoot,2023-09-04 21:29:24 RedPillWomen,169i3a2,Face looks too slutty?,"This guy I went on a date with said my face looks slutty and that I’ve got extremely sharp features with a sharp jawline and cheekbones and sharp thin nose. He said these features make me stand out and look unapproachable and it might not be to every guy’s liking. He said I’ve got a slutty pornstar face. He also said it looks like I’ve had plastic surgery because of how striking my face looks but when he looks closely, he can’t find evidence of it. All I’ve had are lip fillers and after I did them people said I’ve changed a lot. What can I do? I’m really really upset by what he said to me. I don’t want to look slutty or too striking. I want to be plain, sweet and conservative looking.",,26,IndustryMountain,2023-09-04 04:32:39 RedPillWomen,168ykmo,Clothes: my husband doesn’t buy them for himself; what do I do?,"My husband, doesn’t spend any money on himself, he gives everything to me to organise. This is the norm in his culture (Eastern European) - the woman runs the finances, the man provides the money. I’m at a loss on if I should buy him clothes, he simply wouldn’t even think to buy clothes for himself, when he knows my son and I might need (or even want) something. I worry that buying his clothes makes me like his mother, takes away his masculinity - his right to assert his own taste/style etc. equally if I don’t buy something he walks around looking like a mess/holes/too small-too big clothes/mismatched. What’s the best approach?",,42,mishkaforest235,2023-09-03 14:33:26 RedPillWomen,168t9hf,Youth Struggling with Sexual Sin,"Hello everyone, I am really discouraged right now and have been for a while because of my struggle with sexual sin. Please don't read this if you are sensitive to the topic of depression, Christian faith, discouragement, or sexual sin struggles. I am a young woman who struggles so, so much with sexual thoughts and masturbation. I struggled with porn as well and got a ""dumb phone"", which helped for a year now, but I can still access some things on my laptop, including erotica. Sexual fantasy takes up nearly all of my thoughts, when I am not focused on a specific task. I have been struggling with this for my whole teens up to now, and I have brought this to the Lord so many times. I have confessed this to a number of people I trust, including my parents. I have joined small groups at church and at my college having to do with sexual sin. I pray and ask God for forgiveness all the time concerning my ""obsession"". I've watched so many YouTube videos, sermons, etc. about sexual sin and tried nearly every practical tip I could find to deal with it, including trying to understand my body's responses to stress, boredom, loneliness, anxiety, depression, etc. For the last year, I have been convicted to pray specifically for marriage, because I ""burn with passion"". I know that marriage will not solve every problem I have, but I think it is plainly stated within the Bible that if sexual temptation is a constant struggle, it is right and okay to marry. I've never been someone's girlfriend. And honestly, I've never really had a crush either, but I know I desire marriage because of what I'm going through, and I am working on becoming the best future wife I can. I am increasingly discouraged and feeling distant/numb toward God though because, even though I know the efforts I have put into making Him my everything and walking in obedience and repentance for my sins, my obsession is as strong as it ever has been. They are perhaps even getting worse. And, I feel like I'm becoming more cynical and desperate over time. I'm so tired of this never-ending cycle. In my devotions, which are increasingly sparse in this season, I'm literally speechless with just how absurdly frustrating this whole journey has been. This situation depresses me. My struggle has become a huge part of my personal identity, because I think about and orient my whole life around it. I can't help it. I know God is for me, but I am becoming intolerable to myself. Just yesterday, I contemplated running away from my college apartment and losing my virginity to any stranger I could find. I contemplated this for almost an hour! I just want SOMETHING to change. Something drastic. Because the status quo is killing my soul slowly. Lord, have mercy on me. I don't know how to bear with this anymore. Any words of advice or encouragement? ",,27,Upper_Put_6790,2023-09-03 10:13:32 RedPillWomen,168oef9,Do you think it’s really a terrible thing for women to leave unhappy relationships/marriages?,"Maybe it is the hopeless romantic in me speaking or my age and I hope this post is allowed as I know one of the rules of this sub is to not encourage women to leave relationships but I’m curious and I would be interested to hear other women’s thoughts. I’m not married but I would like to be one day. I think my journey to moulding myself into the women I want to be has been a very personal journey. And I know there’s plenty of other women who have done the same. I am in therapy, emotionally available and fully capable of loving a man wholeheartedly and past relationships have always said one thing they miss about being with me is how much they could feel I cared about them/the relationship. I invest a lot, sometimes too much. My biggest fear is investing too many years in a man who will disappoint me. I want to love a man who loves me too, maybe even a little bit more because I think relationships work when the man loves the woman more but that’s not the point I was trying to get at! Recently, I had a conversation with an aunt who divorced her husband because even after 20+ years, he did not improve in his behaviour… and she told me that if she knew then what she knows now, she would have left earlier or maybe not have even married at all. However, he did not want to get divorced or sign the papers and is still very angry with her, over a year later. Also my aunt just turned 48, her husband was about 10 years older than her, and she really is a beautiful women who takes care of herself and it’s evident. It was actually a bit bizarre to me because when I visited her, I witnessed how men treated her… stared at her... initiated conversation with her. She gets asked out on dates all the time. 3 different men, younger and older, asked her out on a date while I was visiting her. And honestly good for her, she’s a great person and I hope she’s having fun! All of this made me think about how much more beneficial it might be in the long run to leave a man earlier on, if he is unable to give you what you want, instead of investing too much time and wasting years of your life on a relationship that potentially has no future? Isn’t it better to leave and create the room and the space to meet the right man, who IS able to give you what you want, instead of trying to force some sort of change out of a man? She mentioned something that rang so true to me, about how the signs are always there, it’s just people choose to ignore them and I believe this. I have done that too. So yeah, my thoughts are that sometimes it’s better (even more beneficial) to leave than to stay… but I would love to hear other women’s thoughts on this from your personal perspective, since of course no one’s experience is all the same! ☺️",,32,burner4567890,2023-09-03 05:22:41 RedPillWomen,1699ybx,Pining for a guy who sees me as a friend & is in a fresh relationship. How to deal with the situation as a RPW?,"Hello everyone, I have been a member of this community for many years but I want my account to be free of personal posts. Mods, I hope that’s okay. Okay, here is my dilemma. \*\*TL,DR: I AM PINING FOR A WORK FRIEND WHO DOESN’T SEE ME AS A ROMANTIC PARTNER REGARDLESS OF MY SIGNS, HINTS, DINNER INVITES, COMMENTS, HE IS NOW TAKEN BUT I CAN’T GET OVER HIM\*\* &#x200B; Okay. Long story…. A year ago I met this guy through common work interests and we kept proffessional business chatter while both of us were in relationships. At the time I (24) met this man I was new in the beginning of our common career and in a steady multiple year relationship with my live-in boyfriend (27). This guy (24) with many years background proffesionally and an intense but distance relationship which ended shortly after we met. He lives abroad but we have kept contact, I DM´d him sometimes, seen each other under proffessional circumstances during conventions/business trips. When we chat it is usually of him giving me help with work related decision making when I ask him for proffessional advice, and talking about music, shared hobbies, some more personal, friendlier facetime calls and chats when he needed help with his re-location to my hometown. It has always been a bit reserved from his side, possibly due to some language barriers, but when we talk, we talk for hours. Everything has been strictly platonic, mentoring/helpful and pleasant in both ways since we both were aware of each others relationship status and have never thought about it otherwise. Until lately, when I realised I had been crushing on him for over a year, just didn’t know it. Now, he has finally moved to my hometown. Since we last met he has since been in one short relationship and as he described it, there was always something off. The girl was extremely jealous of everyone around him, including me and our dinners together. I had never met her. I am single. This slowly building crack in my emotional life has opened up a place in my heart for a potential crush. And suddenly my work/hobby friend became an object of desire. With his relocation we have had a few friendly meetings (grabbing coffee after work/conference, dinner, going out to a pub with friends) since he nows works in an adjacent business and we have possibility to hang out. We have been nothing but friendly to one another, okay, well, maybe not me - I HAVE BEEN CRUSHING ON HIM, being emotionally more open and vulnerable, inviting him out, showing interest, listening to him, caving in and even teling him about my relationship status (big mistake, I know now) and chalking it up as FRIENDSHIP to save face. I have been softer and friendlier, with some friendly physical contact, unable to hold back my embarrassing adoration of him sometimes. But he doesn’t react. Him - he´s been more reserved, calling us friends and wanting to hang out/do stuff together like shopping and sight seeing. I was shit-testing him. He then slowly opened up to me about his brand new relationship with a girl back home, his life, his ex, and some stories from his private life. I openly told him I look up to him, respect him, adore him and see us fitting together well. He keeps it friendly, exclaiming that we are friends, never touching me affectionately despite given chance to do it, never taking photos of us together or places we go when we are together, nothing. I should have known that this isn’t going anywhere and just shut my mouth… I now know that I have had a crush on him since the very first day we met. Most likely because of my dying relationship at the time. I have always swooned over him for his success and talent, his dedication to his craft, but I now know that I am also sexually attracted to him. I haven’t felt that way about anyone really, for the first time in years. Now that I realised this over the last weekend, I isolated myself from him, stopped writing him and put my feelings under the lid to not hurt him and his relationship. I can’t beliebe I fantasize about him sexually. This has obviously been tempting for someone who´s been burnt out in a past relationship, but I have been doing my utmost hardest to keep it strictly proffessional and friendly from my side. \*I simply wonder if:\* A) he doesn’t see me that way (I asked him what he thinks about me and said I am ´good looking, smart, dedicated, interesting, fit, funny’ but didn’t mention anything romantically leaning despite given a chance) B) I have made myself look unattainable (by being openly tired sometimes or talking about my past relationship ending) C) he is actually a good guy and wouldn’t hurt his girlfriend & simply never considered me & made a move inbetween relationships out of basic human courtesy D) he doesn’t take hints & wouldn’t mess up a work friendship most likely E) me crushing on him is less about him but about me finally experiencing affections after a long draught &#x200B; \*\*QUESTION\*\* How do I stop this crush? Is isolating myself and limiting contact the best thing to do? Should I openly tell him what I feel, or would this be seen as weakness from a RPW standpoint? Why did I believe an RPW woman could get any man if she worked hard enough, yet I don’t know where to start when I could strategize? I feel bad for pining for a guy who is in a relationship. I shouldn’t be feeling like this and I am embarrassed I showed my emotional, vulnerable side and displayed some affection publicly. Has anyone ever wanted to do the wrong thing, just because it felt right?",,0,Candidcanada,2023-09-03 22:09:59 RedPillWomen,168xmoq,Good podcasts with Laura Doyle?,"Hi! First post here, found this community a while back and it’s really been saving my marriage and myself! So first I really want to say thank you to the whole community and the admins! I hope more places like this can exist cause they really are no good places for young women to learn about this kind of stuff. It’s just liberal feminism and that ideology has ruined my happiness and marriage to be honest. Anyway, I started listening to this podcast with Laura Doyle which I’ve been hearing so much about and I love it, anyone else know know what other podcast with her that’s good? I prefer to ones with her as a guest so she can talk broadly about her framework since I’m so new to it. I want to buy the book but it’s not available in my language:/ This is the podcast I listen to, I really recommend it for anyone new to her. https://youtu.be/atIHFM2n4Vo?si=SjFivbdcrXqTCZx8 So any other podcast like this? Thanks!",,3,LankyPerception9390,2023-09-03 13:53:27 RedPillWomen,167hk5w,Happily Married but Have Imposter Syndrome?,"Throwaway account. I am happily married to my husband for 6 years and we have a new baby boy. Since we started dating, and until now, I have felt insecure about the way other people perceive our relationship dynamic. Both my husband and I come from religious backgrounds and have a very complementary relationship in terms of roles. I am very femine in my appearance and dress (makeup, dresses, long hair styles, smiling often, etc) and, objectively, I have a stronger personality while my husband is more laid back and introverted. We never tussle for power; I respect him and he takes the lead, and we have a very healthy relationship that I'm grateful for. I know I should ignore what people say, but I almost feel like none of the older people in my family expected me to be married or want children because I am a bit outspoken, confident, and ambitious. It hurts if I'm honest. Additionally, I get quite a bit off off-hand ""feedback"" from single and married women that my husband and I are ""mismatched."" It went so far as a few tried to get him to break up with me after we got engaged, claiming ""women like me"" would never make him feel heard or allow him to be the leader. I was so hurt but we ignored the lies and got married. It still continues! We like to go to dancing lessons and EVERYTIME different instructors comment on our missteps, framing them in ways that make me feel like I'm unintentionally displaying a lot of masculine energy: 1. I step on his foot because I'm hella awkward - ""you're used to being the boss, let him lead."" 2. He steps on my foot - ""don't be afraid to lead her - she will have no choice but to follow if you take charge."" We both try to be light-hearted when hearing these things but it's gotten so constant I'm wondering if there's some truth to it. My husband says he loves our relationship and doesn't understand why other people think I ""rule"" him. Sigh. Sometimes, I get downright jealous of people who have the Alpha Male/Demure Wife dynamic because that is what gets praised and affirmed. I often feel criticized and need some perspective from the wise ladies on this sub.",,24,Greedy-Pension-607,2023-09-01 20:06:11 RedPillWomen,1672w0f,Back To Basics September: Psychological Femininity,"For the entire month of September, we're revisiting some foundational posts in a series designed to serve as an RPW refresher. This week, we're focusing on our sister subreddit, RedPillWives (RPWi), and exploring their wiki. Please note, we are not the original authors of these posts. We'll be offering our insights as both moderators and active community members. Our objective is to provide you with a curated guide that can serve as a cornerstone to understanding RPW principles, while revitalizing some enduring ideas. One of the questions that regularly gets asked on RPW is, ""What is Femininity?"" Camille answers this question with her write up and wiki post ['Psychological Femininity'](https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/psychological-femininity.210103). *** *** *I am reposting something I submitted over a year ago under the title “RPW 101: Cultivating A Feminine Frame Of Mind”. It was originally going to be part of a series that explored core Red Pill concepts. Unfortunately life got in the way and I was unable to execute the series in the way that I wanted. I’m so glad to share this updated version with the community, and in the future it can be found in the Essential Posts section of the wiki (which has a collection of the best RPWives content submitted to date!).* *** # Psychological Femininity Feminism has permeated mainstream society to the point where myths of equality, empowerment and entitlement shape even the self-improvement resources available to women. Rarely are women encouraged to embrace their nature; androgynous appearance and masculine behaviours are perpetuated as ideal for all. This is an enormous disadvantage to women who don’t have positive female role models in their lives because once discovering the truth about gender differences, there are very few places where women can receive legitimate advice regarding self-improvement. While there are an overwhelming amount of websites that provide information on makeup, fashion, flirting and other elements of girl game, there is a noticeable lack of quality materials that focus on the most important factor when it comes to attracting and gaining commitment from high quality men: psychological femininity. Developing this trait is a critical first step on the road to permanent change. It makes you pleasant to be around, and creates harmony in romantic relationships as men can effortlessly assume their natural role. Once this foundation is laid, it will be easier to identify areas to improve in your own life and begin the process of adopting new habits and traits. *** Before delving in to the characteristics that make one feminine, it is important to dispel some false definitions that are popular today. * **Femininity is not a weakness.** It is also not a failed or incomplete/watered down version of masculinity. To put it simply, men and women are different. Each gender has positives, negatives, roles, and responsibilities that complement the other beautifully. When these innate distinctions are embraced, both men and women are happier and more successful, going even further in life than they would have otherwise. * **Femininity has nothing to do with being a doormat.** Submission within your relationship is not equivalent to being walked over or mistreated. It means trusting your man to lead, deferring to his decisions and supporting him in the way he needs. It means being less aggressive, combative, snarky, and sour. Outside of a relationship, being feminine isn’t the same as letting everyone do whatever they want, simply because you’re a girl. Striking a balance between politeness, respect and assertiveness is key in everyday interactions. * **Femininity is not acting ditzy or dumb.** You do not have to act less capable than you are to be feminine. [Men are not sexually attracted to intelligence](http://www.therulesrevisited.com/2013/01/what-men-think-about-your-intelligence.html), and are put off by argumentative know-it-alls, but this does not mean that you have to limit yourself if you are an intellectual. The way you express yourself: tone, facial expression, vocabulary, etc. is extremely important. These determine how others will receive you. * **Femininity is not dressing up or being “girly”.** A lot of women seem to think that altering their wardrobe, makeup or hair is sufficient when it comes to making changes. But no amount of skirts, blush or bows will make you feminine if you lack the disposition. Femininity is expressed through appearance but appearance is not the source of femininity. If you haven’t internalised the concepts, you are merely playing dress up. There are no shortcuts. *** Now, how does a psychologically feminine woman *actually* behave inside her relationship? She is: * **Yielding.** To yield is to submit, defer, and/or relinquish oneself to a higher power. Too often women vie for dominance within a relationship, stirring up drama instead of simply allowing their man to lead. “Allowing” does not mean giving the man permission to lead, it means stepping out of the way so that he can step up. How to be more yielding? Say yes more. Be flexible and generous. Let go of the need to control everything. * **Receptive.** A receptive woman is open, interested and responsive to new ideas or suggestions. Some tips on cultivating this trait: don’t immediately shoot down his statements or insist that your way is always the best way. Create situations where he can share something he enjoys with you. Keep in mind that you don’t know everything -- humility is key. * **Supportive.** Within romantic relationships it is often necessary to provide sympathy, reassurance, information or help. On a daily basis you should be offering positive encouragement, listening more than you speak, and building him up with your words. Let your love motivate you to assist, surprise, and satisfy him regularly. Don’t keep score of who is doing what for whom, simply focus on the ways you can enhance his life. * **Pleasant.** The most enchanting women are socially adept, agreeable, and enjoyable. Everyone, especially high value men, would rather spend time with a friendly and happy woman over someone who is mean or dull. If you want to light up a room simply laugh and smile, easily and often. Make sure your body language is open (hands facing outward, no crossing arms, no frowning, no hunching, etc.). Tell jokes; don’t take everything so seriously. Speak highly of your SO both in his presence and when he isn’t there. And most importantly, don’t whine or complain; entitlement is not attractive. * **Empathetic.** The concept of directly identifying with another’s emotions, situation and motives is extremely important. Female solipsism is very real and it can prevent harmony within relationships when a woman refuses to consider other perspectives than her own. To combat this, consciously seek to understand where your SO is coming from. Consider how he would want you to respond, act, or treat him in a situation, instead of assuming or projecting. Be compassionate and a source of comfort, but pay attention and give him space when he needs it. * **Poised.** This quality is harder to nail down but it is the end result of psychological femininity. A sense of composure, dignity, grace, and self-assurance radiates from the woman who embraces the positive aspects of her nature. Remember that your choices affect how your SO is perceived, so always carry yourself with purpose and distinction. This means proper posture, presenting yourself well, speaking clearly and in a light tone, and not chattering aimlessly. Authentic transformation can only occur if you legitimately want to improve, and put in the requisite effort. Take the time to develop your character and acquire new traits. Don’t get frustrated if it is more difficult than you anticipated, and don’t get conceited if you see the results that you want quickly. The best way to attract someone of high value is to become someone of high value. This all starts with cultivating a feminine frame of mind, but self-improvement is a lifelong journey.",,66,ArdentBandicoot,2023-09-01 10:00:29 RedPillWomen,167024v,Alpha widowed after 4 dates,"Help! I only went out with this guy 4 times. Granted he came over twice and we cuddled and kissed on my bed. Everything seemed to be going really well and we had a 5th date planned but then last minute he backed out saying he didn’t know what he wanted and didn’t want to waste my time. This is after we had many conversations about what we wanted, LTR, marriage, kids, etc. I think I fell into a state of limerence. It’s been over a week now since he called it off and I still think about him all the time, look him up online, and feel anxious and a little nauseous about my current dating prospects. He was everything I wanted, great family, good career, connections to buy a house here in Hawaii which is rare since it’s crazy expensive here… we seemed to have a lot in common to connect over as well and good chemistry. I made the mistake of playing a Cardi B song in my car after he told me he liked Nicki Minage. I also made the mistake about taking about how chubby I was so many times and revealing health information I probably didn’t need to disclose. I just feel so disheartened, maybe it’s better to stay single then get into a relationship with someone I really don’t feel great about? But then I think of “marry him, the case for marrying mr. Good enough” and I wonder if I should settle. For reference, I am 34 but often told I look like I’m in my 20s. He was 32. Is that too young for me? I do want kids but not desperately enough to do IVF or egg freezing/sperm bank or anything like that.",,37,No_Control7023,2023-09-01 07:11:17 RedPillWomen,166usqg,Back to Basics September: 2023 Introduction Post,"**Ah, September: that magical time when the air begins to crisp, autumn leaves start to whisper, and textbooks open as everyone buckles down ready for a new school year...** Or, in some cases, a hastily realized need to catch up! Who else recalls the back-to-school season as a crash course in remembering all the things forgotten over a sun-soaked summer? Anyone else frantically recalling that summer assignment the moment you walked into class? You’re not alone! * In the world of RPW, we often dive deep into intricate RP theories, which are layered upon other foundational theories. * If we lose touch with these fundamental ideas, our current discussions can miss the mark or even become confusing. Let's be honest—some of us have skipped the basics or need a refresher. So, it's back-to-school time for us, too! We're launching ""Back to Basics September,"" a month-long initiative to revisit the most important RPW theories from our experienced contributors. Whether you're well-versed in RPW or new to the scene, we invite you to join the conversation. This is a chance to refresh your understanding and help others. The goal is simple: to remind us of the core RPW principles, so we're all on the same page moving forward. --- **To keep everyone in the loop, we've laid out a schedule that breaks down which foundational topics we'll be revisiting.** This way, you can mark your calendars and join the discussions that interest you the most. **Weekly Outline for ""Back to Basics September""** - * **Week 1:** RedPillWives (RPWi) Wiki. We'll start the month with a spotlight on RedPillWomen's (RPW) sister subreddit. * **Week 2:** Week 2 will start with a quick look at the RPW wiki. We'll have an easy-to-digest guide that hits the highlights and gives you a quick overview of a few backbone topics and an outline of the subjects that are covered. **We'll transition immediately into weeks 2, 3, and 4 afterwards.** * **Week 2, 3, & 4:** During these three weeks, expect a plethora of posts that will likely source from the Wiki, but we'll also explore other important areas of RPW discussion. We hope you're as excited as we are. Mark your calendars and let's get back to basics! --- Small note: This post was primarily written by ChatGPT with guidance based on previous years back to basics introduction from LivelyLychee and some minor editing by FastLifePineapple. Note 2: Back to Basics will see about ~3 posts/week as an adjustment to previous years feedback. We're covering slightly new territory and will have a focus on quality posts that may not cover EVERYTHING in-depth as we would have in previous B2B. You can visit [RPW Back to Basics Mega Compilation](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/13eeakb/rpw_back_to_basics_mega_compilation/) for deeper reading if you want to read through a year where basics were covered thoroughly.",,13,FastLifePineapple,2023-09-01 02:28:48 RedPillWomen,1663h1y,Have you changed anything in your appearance to better your relationship?,"Not talking about weight- I want to keep that one out since I feel like it can be a controversial topic. I mean more on other areas i.e hair, nails, dress style, etc. Lately I’ve been getting lashes(natural classic) and my nails done (short oval shaped acrylic) because my husband loves the look. I’m not not a fan but I’m also not a diehard on these things. I do enjoy ‘ getting them done’ but that’s it. We talked about getting hair extensions as he loves the look of thick hair. It was a passing comment not a ‘you must do this’ btw but I do want thicker hair, it’s always been an insecurity of mine and I’ve had extensions in the past. But now.. I feel almost bad? I have lashes, nails, hair…. Should I feel bad? Lol have you changed anything to give your partner a little treat?",,30,LocalCap5093,2023-08-31 06:46:15 RedPillWomen,165ac2j,Dealing with a man who is ex-criminal who won’t leave that life completely?,"good morning, throwaway account because he looks at my main account. I have started going out with a guy (he is 24, me 25) and he is so sweet with me. We have been seeing each other for about 3 months now and he makes me laugh, makes me feel protected, I see him as a man with such a pure and kind soul. After we first met he opened up a little bit to me about his past…I don’t like it and he knows that I don’t like it. What I know for sure- -he was involved in mafia but says he left -has family and friends involved in mafia and says he has distanced himself from them -used to do and sell cocaine -continues to hang out with people and have friends who are currently mafia and people who have gone to prison He tells me he left this life behind, that he found God and now that lifestyle is not compatible with his beliefs and that he is ashamed of the person he used to be, but some things make me uneasy about him, such as -says he distanced himself from these people yet continues to hang out with them (mafia, people who do and sell cocaine) -when he was showing me something on his phone a WhatsApp notification arrived of someone asking for cocaine (he told me he doesn’t sell anymore) and when I asked him about it he said that it’s someone who doesn’t know he doesn’t sell anymore -we are from a country and a place that is not particularly rich yet he is young with a fancy car, clothes, buys things like it’s nothing. For work he told me he works for his families business but does not elaborate. These things make me concerned potentially he is still involved with this lifestyle and is lying to me because he knows I don’t approve. I am conflicted because to me he is so sweet, religious, traditional TLDR- Boyfriend says he left criminal lifestyle behind but I am not sure. How to deal with a man in this situation, how to approach the topic with him without accusing him? If he really has distanced himself, how can I express to him I don’t like him hanging out with mafia and ex-convicts without being controlling? Edit to add context- I know a lot of people will read that he knows criminals and to get away fast, but unfortunately where we live these organisations are very prevalent and basically everyone knows someone who knows someone. I just don’t want him hanging out with people like that.",,10,essereunfiore,2023-08-30 09:55:03 RedPillWomen,164kun0,"My husband told me that my making him breakfast every day ""changed his life""","I just want to share this positive interaction that surprised me so much I'm still thinking about it days later. I've been making the same breakfast for my husband every day for like a year and a half. Our life together has had many phases and due to work and other responsibilities, I have not played a very traditional role for most of it. Yes I have done most of the cooking and always cared that he was fed, but never before have I been so consistent. It's always been ""are you hungry/ do you want me to make you breakfast?"" Where sometimes it was a yes and other times a no... but the no wasn't coming from a lack of desire for my breakfast. It was him not wanting to be selfish or ask too much of me. I didn't see that and I didn't care to. I wifed like my mother wifed, as though it was a daily checkbox of burdensome obligations and hey, I asked, so therefore I get to check that box and go on with my day feeling good about myself while his perspective wasn't even on my radar. A year and a half ago is when we started caring more about our physical fitness. His goal was to gain weight and mine was to lose it. I actually thought about what that looks like for him, considered that he really struggles to eat big portions so therefore the best way to help him was to feed him more often. I need to save my first meal for later in the day so cooking breakfast is something I do just for him. I'm still amazed at myself because many-a-time I have thought ""He wants to gain weight, there's food in the house. What more can I do? It's up to him. I can't control his eating, it's his fault he won't just get up and eat."" And yet this time I decided to make a meaningful attempt to help. I never realized until recently how significant all this is. He told me the other day that my breakfasts changed his life. I was stunned, ""What, changed your life? What do you mean?"" He said that it's delicious and that it's steady and predictable, something to look forward to, makes him more capable of handling the day. This still doesn't sound life changing to me, it's just food! But I accepted his words without challenge and told him I was happy that I could help and we went on to have a great day. I just want to say to everyone here who finds it so easy to minimize their contributions... they matter more than you can possibly understand. The way you move through your day with gratitude in your heart, the way you let go of resentment and simply do things out of joy and not obligation, that is what makes you incredible and it's value can't be overstated.",,301,FriendCountZero,2023-08-29 15:02:07 RedPillWomen,164yhm3,I cooked for us for the first time yesterday,"Just really proud of myself! Were expecting to be hit by the hurricane soon so fiancee stayed out late on a store run. I knew he would probably be hungry and I am not working quite yet again since I got a new job. We use a meal kit service where it allows us to cook the entire thing ourselves and I did it by myself yesterday—usually we do it together. I could tell that he was really happy about food being ready when he was home. Just wanted to share that it made me super happy to see him happy. It was actually the first time I ever cooked anything! Yay me!",,22,LoveWitchXo,2023-08-29 23:42:44 RedPillWomen,164xbte,How to express sympathy without pity?,"I’m in a fairly new relationship, thing are going great and I and am pleased to be getting to know this man better. We were having a conversation about how we had both done therapy in the past, and we were talking about how it would be nice to keep going but it’s expensive lol. I asked him what are things he’d like to keep working on if he went back. He told me his mom left when he was really young, she came back into his life when he was a teenager, I know they have a relationship now but unsure of the details of what that looks like. Obviously this is pretty traumatic, and it’s effected him deeply. I am someone who feels a lot of empathy so I want to tread lightly lest it starts to look like pity. The thing that struck me before he told me this was he prefaced it with “so you can’t feel bad for me….” Then proceeded to talk about his mom leaving. I’m aware this probably effects his relationship with the feminine. Any advice for being a supportive girlfriend towards a masculine man that doesn’t want to be pitied? I don’t pity him but just feel a lot of compassion and want to show up appropriately. Would love to get some insight on how men prefer their emotional side be interacted with. Thank you!",,9,ailak6798,2023-08-29 22:56:50 RedPillWomen,164pmu6,"Ongoing issue with my boyfriend being sharing private info with his parents, he wants to tell them private information I confided in him about my parents","Hi all. I’m 22 and my boyfriend is 26. We’ve been together for around 4 months now. He tells me often how much he adores his parents, which isn’t a bad thing. His parents live abroad and he contacts them everyday. However, I’ve been having an ongoing issue with him for quite some time. He shares alot with his parents, asks them advice. He thinks that they are the best people to ask for advice. For example, once I did him a favour and told him I’d clean one of his windows. I had all the equipment and told him how I’d do it. He called up his mother and asked her how to clean windows. Her technique was the same as mine, so he didn’t ask for me to change it, but it annoyed me that he didn’t trust me. I’d also been telling him about the health benefits of extra virgin olive oil but he didn’t want to try it. Then he asked his mother about it, she said it was good for him and told him to try it, now he buys it regularly. For a while all this stopped and he stopped talking about his parents so much. Recently, he has started again. The other day, out of the blue he told me the only reason he’d ever be really angry with me was if I said/ did anything bad to his family. I’m also going to be starting my own dance classes soon. I asked him for some advice on how much I should charge per class. He told me his thoughts then said he’ll ask his parents. Yesterday, I confided in him some private family matters relating to my parents, particularly my dad. Basically, he asks me for money whenever I visit him and I’ve been fed up with it. These aren’t things that I want the world to know but I thought I’d be able to confide in my boyfriend. My boyfriend asked me if he can tell his parents. He said they’re very understanding people and won’t be judgemental. He thinks that by telling them they may offer advice or somehow benefit the situation. The only result of him telling them that I can see is them thinking bad of my parents. I told him I wasn’t keen on him telling them and equally he didn’t seem that keen on not telling his parents. I really like my boyfriend and we get on great. I’m starting to think about the long term with him. I’m just worried that this issue will be ongoing, or even worsen. I respect his parents, and don’t want to isolate him but I want our own bubble too. My boyfriend has mentioned discussing pregnancy with his mother and down the line if I get pregnant etc I don’t want them to know every detail and be asked for every bit of advice. What do you think of this ladies? Am I reacting too strong? Is this something he’ll grow out of?",,9,Diamond-pearls21,2023-08-29 18:05:42 RedPillWomen,164c1tl,I tried using Laura Doyle’s “I apologize for being disrespectful” but my fiancé just replies with “I’ve heard your apology before. Words aren’t meaningful. I’m looking for acknowledgement and action.”,Not quite sure if I should just keep this structure for apologizing. I don’t justify myself with “and” or “but” I say I apologize for being disrespectful when I… and leave it there. What am I doing wrong?,,19,Painting_Passion,2023-08-29 07:56:38 RedPillWomen,163wrzn,I don’t know what is wrong with me.,In my head I am convinced my partner is a bad person. I create a conflict by being mean or saying something triggering and then when he acts so understanding I want to connect. So then I apologize and he says it’s just words and he needs to see actions. And then I feel scared to lose him. And this cycle continues. It’s especially common when we are long distance. We will be away from each other for a month.,,7,Painting_Passion,2023-08-28 20:18:03 RedPillWomen,163dhuf,Hubby's Niece Brought me to Tears Tonight,"Today would have been my mother-in-law's birthday. While she was a very sectarian, Muslim, Arab woman and I am barely Catholic and Filipina/Irish, we became close towards the end of her life because of a shared cancer diagnosis we both received when she was approximately the same age. On her death bed, she instructed my husband to give me her wedding ring, which is how I know we did get close. When he did put it on my ring finger, I knew he was happy that I'd finally ""won her over"", albeit too late. Hubby ""doesn't do emotions"" makes this clear to everyone. So, I kept the phone on the ready. Just before leaving my in-laws' place, they video called, because the niece was throwing a tantrum that stopped only when hubby promised to get me on FaceTime. When niece saw me, her eyes lit up and she was *so* happy, even though she had tears in her eyes from ""moments earlier"". I asked her how her day was, how school was going, the usual pleasantries. In her art class, she was told to draw a picture of the person she admired most. The teacher wrote the label on the drawing and had instructed the children to give it to the appropriate person. She had drawn a figure in a red dress -- her favourite colour -- with a stethoscope around the neck -- I'm an oncologist -- and told the teacher it was her mother's second brother's wife, auntie LiteratureOk7716, after first announcing that it was her, in ""seven years"" and felt rejected by the teacher. She relayed this story to me and I told her that she could be an oncologist, but the coursework would take longer than seven years. She said her mother didn't approve of this goal of hers and that hubby told her to pursue her dreams, regardless of what her parents think, to the best of her ability, and she will make it. So, she announced that she wanted to be ""mini-auntie LiteratureOk7716"" loudly. Hubby got me through cancer and supported me in writing my dissertation. I'm keenly aware that men like him are rare. How do you suggest I encourage our niece, while being a good RPW?",,23,LiteratureOk7716,2023-08-28 05:42:23 RedPillWomen,162oo5x,"How do I, 18F, get HVM to take me seriously?","For as long as I can remember, I've wanted to be a homemaker and have a family of my own. This doesn't mean that I want to just laze around and be a trophy wife or something. I also intend to work on my own creative projects and ideally have my own source of income. I'm starting college next semester, and I'd really love to get married, or at least engaged, right after college. However, where I live does present a problem. I live in a big coastal city where people don't really settle down until their 30s and there's not much of a commitment culture. I do find myself drawn to men who are 25+, so I wouldn't mind being in a relationship with a significantly older man. But I am realistic, and I try to evaluate things as much as I can. At my age, I'm not sure whether a man who's, say, 30, would take me seriously. I think a lot of men would just want some fun/a hookup/whatever, simply due to my age. And I have heard of the stereotype of certain kinds of men dating the 'beautiful but poor' young girl and then ultimately marrying women closer to their age who are from their income bracket. I don't consider myself to be particularly beautiful (I do stay healthy and I have feminine features, but I'm also non-white, so that's another complication), and my family is middle-class, but I am concerned the stereotype will hold true. I'm also very inexperienced. I've never had an irl relationship before, and as it stands, I'm not even sure where I should be meeting the kind of men I want to marry. My mother goes to church, but it's a very liberal church where a lot of people are professionals and would definitely be frowned upon for dating younger. My biggest hobbies are reading (mostly sci fi and fantasy), writing, gaming, and fitness, and I'm also considering joining a local DnD club, so I guess it's possible I could meet men through these things we have in common? I'd just really love some advice from women who have more life experience, because I do feel kind of clueless right now. Thanks in advance!",,29,[deleted],2023-08-27 12:06:19 RedPillWomen,162cbzs,My boyfriend saved a nude photo from a subreddit dedicated to nudes,"My boyfriend (M26) and I (F25) have been friends and casually dating for 5 months, and we've been in a relationship for just almost a month. He playfully took a picture of me while we were eating dinner, and I thought I looked unprepared in the picture, so I told him to delete it from his gallery and also from the trash. While he was deleting it from the trash, he immediately hid his phone. I didn't think much of it as I didn't really see anything. But then he confessed that he had saved some nudes he ""accidentally"" downloaded from a subreddit for curvy women. He said he deleted them two months ago, which is why they were in the trash. I tried to play it cool and said it's okay. However, when I went home, I realized that on Android phones, deleted photos in the trash only stay for 30 days before being automatically permanently deleted. Now, I feel sad. He's a really great boyfriend and truly loves me. We're each other's first relationship. We have been intimate but haven't tried penetration. I don't know what to do. Should I confront him?",,17,Ayalabang,2023-08-27 01:02:01 RedPillWomen,162arm0,Tips to reignite lust?,"Things are well in my marriage. My husband says he’s never been happier. And things are good for me too. But we haven’t had carnal lustiness since our second was born. We were so tired that it was off the radar and I’m feeling like I’m getting back into a normal rhythm and really missing it. I have really leveled up my exercise and beauty routine. My skin and hair are lustrous, I have a great sleep scheduled, exercise in a way that’s really flattering to my shape, and hornier than ever for my husband who seems more in the quickie mentality (that’s all we could really do for so long with little kids). So ladies, what have you done that brought back the spark? Sex is satisfying but I miss his pursuit and the tension we used to have build between us. I feel like I have been directly trying pretty hard and need to step back and let him pursue. But I am at a loss at what additional feminine tricks I can use to catch his gaze. Any advice is welcome.",,18,SecretFeminine,2023-08-26 23:52:11 RedPillWomen,162691i,Is fiancé hinting that he wants an orgy or am I reading too much into it??,"A few months ago my fiancé and I were talking about renting a cabin for his birthday. And he said he would love to have fun, eat food and have orgies and then laughed. I felt a chill. Is he joking or was he serious? Today (a few months later) he sent me this meme with a photo of a dog looking at three alapacas with a sad face having sex with the tag “Some days you just feel like a dog at an alapaca orgy.” It triggered my fear again. I don’t know if he was just joking those two times (months between them) or he was gaging my reaction. I’m also insecure because that’s the type of porn I like to sometimes watch and I’m afraid I won’t say no if he asked. And I also don’t know if I’m just projecting. I don’t want to ask him for fear I’ll come across controlling so trying to work through my own anxieties first.",,14,Painting_Passion,2023-08-26 20:49:24 RedPillWomen,1627f9r,I'm really akward around men,"I'm not sure if this is the right sub for this, if it is not i apologize and please let me know where I can post this. I am a 19 year old girl (will be 20 by November). And i don't know how to relate with men, I've never had a boyfriend, never had sex. I am relatively attractive, I have a very nice body too, although sometimes i see this as a disadvantage because men are always overly sexual with me and i don't like it at all, I feel they don't actually like me just my body. What made me m make this post is last night a friend asked to take me for a walk (I'm a freshman in college) and show me around, and it got to a point we sat down somewhere and he started talking about how big my bum is and all those other sexual stuff and it made me so uncomfortable but i could not say anything and i really hate it cause i feel he took that as me being okay with it. Also generally I don't know why having sexual conversations with men irks me so bad, it makes me uncomfortable but i want it, I know it doesn't make sense but I want to have sex I want to talk dirty i want to do all sort of things but i can't get myself to do them. Another question i have(for people in relationships) did you have to ignore some things in your partners or they were everything you've been looking for, cause every time i think I've found ""the one"" something just always comes up and makes me not want them anymore, I feel I'm being too picky",,11,Remarkable_Can_1829,2023-08-26 21:34:45 RedPillWomen,161wgyl,My realization about male and female friendships.,"Tdlr: my male best friend mistreated and broke up with his longtime gf when I moved back in town. I overlooked some weird comments he’s made at me but thought everything through last night. This made me realize that having a straight male best friend is not always healthy. I 23f, have a male best friend who’s been my friend since 16. Never tried to kiss me once nor hugged me for more than 2 seconds, always a side hug. He knows so much about me and vice versa. I started to view him like a family member and never developed any feelings. I moved overseas with parents at 17 and returned to our city (leaving parents behind) when I was 21. Which makes the majority of our interactions online. All my high school friends left and he is the only one that remained in the city. Naturally, I grew even closer to him because he’s the only familiar face. He had a girlfriend and they had been dating for almost 3 years. She’s always been nice to me. 23m started acting weird when I came back. Would have an attitude when I would talk about my boyfriend at the time, but I wouldn’t notice because he’s throw jabs directed at me rather than my bf. I moved across to country for school and my bf a couple weeks later. 23m would visit my state. Sometimes he’d fly in last minute and would get offended that I wouldn’t drop all my plans to see him. Even accused me of lying about my bf because he’s never met him nor seen photos of us together.. I moved back to our state. 23m’s gf and I got close so she was complaining about their relationship. She told me that he changed, and is less affectionate. I noticed that he would act reluctant whenever she’d do simple things such as hug him in public. I know not everyone’s into PDA, but apparently he wasn’t like that before. Things started getting weirder when I was about to marry my bf. 23m had already broken up with his gf. BF and I consulted the courthouse and all. Ofc I tell everything to 23m and he became EXTREMELY clingy. Coming over everyday and falling asleep on my couch. Kept on asking if the marriage is actually going to happen. Even my bf was asking me if 23m liked me but I’m just not realizing it, my mother questioned it too. Well the marriage got called off. I saw a shift in 23m, he wasn’t clingy or moody anymore. My first realization was when he made a weird comment with the AI baby trend. He jokingly said I should mix both our faces to see what our kids would look like. I was caught so off guard, because I see this guy as FAMILY - my brothers would never ask me that, even as a joke. He said we can prank our classmates by saying we have a baby together.. a couple years back he asked me if my vagina still looks/ feel the same, after I had a still birth. I thought he was being curious for when he will eventually have kids, but that was weird. And lately he started taking me out to restaurants. Made a joke about me being his wife when someone thought we were together. Would also always ask when I would start having kids, and if I had anyone in mind. That’s the last time I saw him. Everything clicked. The mistreatment of his now ex, and the weird comments. He still sees her from time to time and I would get excited when he’d pass her on the phone. But would always tell me that he’s not into her anymore. He also frustratingly asked me why I like her so much and why I want them back together? He’s been extremely helpful but this started to become an asexual one sided relationship. He hovered over me too much to the point that it was hard for me to make time for other friends, work and even dating. The fact that he was always around me also serves as a “cock-block”. I stayed his friend this long because I like him as a person but not a partner. We are so different. He prefers the suburbs, I like the city. He likes adventurous stuff like rock climbing, hiking etc. I prefer walking around the city or going to concerts. The weird thing is that he claimed the reason for breaking up with his gf is for that exact reason, but why is he able to spend that much time with me when I’ve always been that way? If I actually was attracted to him, this wouldn’t be an issue to date my friend of many years. But I don’t want to ward off my dating pool, and invest so much time into someone that I don’t want a relationship with. I also noticed that he has a lot more female friends compared to male. I’ve actually never been introduced to a male friend of his. I’ve started to make more female friendships the past year and I feel so much better. He’s my only male friend and I decided to distance myself from him. There were periods when I wouldn’t talk to him last year, and I was a lot more productive. I want to be in a serious relationship, and I know that a serious man would be uncomfortable with me having a male best friend who isn’t related to me. Looked up a couple videos on YouTube, and a man said in these types of friendships, the man is too scared to be upfront and would rather wait for the woman to slip up one day. Some may wait for a decade, with the agenda remaining in their head the whole time.. Thank you for reading my rant. This was a lot to unpack, I wish I realized sooner.",,28,anonavocado0,2023-08-26 14:19:16 RedPillWomen,162bgrt,Red Flag,"Would it be a red flag if a guy you have been dating and like mentioned he was previously in an open relationship (that he suggested, and seemed to like)? Why, or why not?",,4,[deleted],2023-08-27 00:22:18 RedPillWomen,161hhse,Is complete vulnerability a relationship killer?,"Hey ladies, I’ve had this theory for awhile now and I’m curious what you guys think about it. So I notice that in a lot of long-term relationships, eventually people start farting around each other, they start leaving the door open when they go to the bathroom, they may “let themselves go” for the lack of a better term. Most people I see say that this is a GOOD thing because it shows you love someone unconditionally and that you are being vulnerable. But I had a long-term relationship that became like that and I feel like it really killed the passion.. because a lot of what makes passion is the mystery, the excitement. For example I notice when me and my boyfriend go and do NEW things it’s almost like both of our sex drives is suddenly on high. When I see him in a new environment and bond together through that it’s like I see him how I saw him when I first met him. Now it’s of course unrealistic to always new things with your partner because daily life is boring. Go to work, come home, rinse & repeat. But this makes me so sad because I remember the excitement of the beginning, doing things together all the time, feeling excited on knowing more about them.. feeling that PASSION. Being afraid to fart around each other, lol. So anyway I’ve tried to NOT be too vulnerable with my boyfriend in this way. And I wonder sometimes if this is unhealthy. What do you guys think?",,26,Simple_Basket_8224,2023-08-26 01:28:19 RedPillWomen,161dqcx,Fiance Doesn’t Support Career,"Update/Edit: Thank you to all who have offered kindness and advice. After a lot of talks, I have learned that he would not expect me to work full time AND be a mom full time. If anything, we would have a nanny. I am still struggling to get him to understand burnout and how it affects me in regards to school and choosing to work in a field simply for the high-pay and benefits. But I have increased my self-care and the days are becoming a little more manageable, so I would like to offer many thanks to those who have responded thus far. — Hello RPW, I am coming here with a question that seems to be a little bit the opposite of others. My fiancé doesn’t support my career and he wants me to go back to school to get a degree. I have no issue with getting a degree, since it will only benefit me, but he seems to have a list of what is acceptable vs non-acceptable for me to pursue (ie an arts-focused degree is a no, vs something in STEM being an automatic yes due to the high income threshold and level of stability.) We are both in our 30s, he is in IT and I work in the entertainment and hospitality sector. We are in a HCOL state. I have no college debt and I’m grateful to work for a company that is willing to pay for my college. I’m struggling to find a good school that will accept me, however, as I don’t have the credits needed to be able to qualify for transferring to the colleges I want. This has created an extreme amount of stress and tension between us. His fear is being a single-income household, which I understand completely and agree. I can promote within my job, but he dislikes that I’m in the entertainment and hospitality sector and he is consistently pushing me to look into STEM and wfh-specific degrees that I can utilize once we have small children. I hate tinkering away on computers. I like working with people and being creative. I am at a loss. He is distant, I am depressed. All I do is work, I am burnt out, I have no passion for any of my hobbies, and now I’m trying to get into a good school so that I can study full time on top of my full time job. I’m basically being told what I can do vs what I can’t do to shoulder my portion of our future income together, and I just don’t know what to do anymore or how to approach it with him in a way that showcases the love and respect I have for him. This has come up three times with me in tears, and I don’t know if it’s something to swallow and simply push through like millions of others do daily. Thank you for reading.",,10,sailorcrystal,2023-08-25 22:45:08 RedPillWomen,16134et,Photo accuracy?,How accurate are photos compared to real life? Online I kind of get treated like I look a lot worse and very differently to real life where people do treat me well: men and women both generally treat me well or are nice to me but how do I know how I really look? Is there a way to know? I have a distorted perception of myself. If my pictures are all bad then surely I can’t be THAT much better in real life? Like if I was really that good then my pictures shouldn’t really be bad? They should be average at best; not below average if I was that good.,,4,IndustryMountain,2023-08-25 15:55:24 RedPillWomen,160gf16,My boyfriend doesn't give me compliments but he does to other people,"Long story short, my bf is not the type of man that gives lots of compliments. He doesn't realize if I wear beautiful clothing and of course he never says that I'm pretty or that he likes me. Point is that I've realized that he gives compliments easily to the other women of his life, his friends and even strangers. This really impresses me because when I told him that I needed these words of affirmation from him, he told me that he's just not good with words. What can I do? I need his compliments to feel loved but asking for it is embarrassing? I don't feel attractive anymore, as if I wasn't enough for him.",,24,starswhenushine,2023-08-24 22:28:04 RedPillWomen,160bq5e,Emotional/sexual connection,"Hi ladies, Been reflecting a bit upon my (F26) and my husband's (M33) relationship and the fluctuation between emotional connection vs sexual connection. Has anyone had the situation that where you feel more emotionally connected to your partner, you tend to feel less sexually connected and vice versa? I'm not yet certain this is how it is, but the thought crossed my mind and it raised the question if it could be the case.",,5,svenifer,2023-08-24 19:32:13 RedPillWomen,1604hu9,Spearmint tea for hormonal acne?,"I’m a 26 yr old woman looking into taking spearmint tea along side 100mg of spironolactone to help treat my hormonal acne. If any of you have trial and errored with treating hormonal acne I’d appreciate your response. What dosage or how many spearmint capsules per day worked well for you? What brand(s) of capsules would you recommend? If you decided to drink the tea, *approximately* how much water and how many tea bags did you use per fl oz each day? I’ve heard from other posts two cups is a good start. From my understanding, the tea is significantly weaker after the second cup if you reuse the same bag. Also what brand of tea did you decide to use? I heard the quality of the tea was a big factor regarding whether or not you’ll end up seeing results. I saw a few posts regarding drinking spearmint tea helping hormonal acne but not a lot regarding recommendations of spearmint tea brands and dosage recommendations specifically. Were you more successful with drinking the spearmint tea or taking the capsules? Did you experience any side effect or issues? I’d personally prefer to just take the capsules over drinking the tea because I’d prefer not to have to drink the tea daily. However, if the drinking the tea is more effective I’d consider it. How long did it take the spearmint to start working to clear your acne? My derm said it was fine to take spiro and spearmint tea capsules together but she didn’t have a recommendation on dosage or brand I should take. She just said not to take the spearmint if I was pregnant. I can understand why she was hesitant to give any info on the effectiveness of spearmint tea because she said most of the evidence regarding its effectiveness is mostly anecdotal and there hasn’t been many credible studies done. I’ve been on 100g of spiro for three months and its taking care of most my acne except for a little bit on my chin area. The derm gave me the option to increase my spiro dosage to 150mg, but I would prefer to try and experiment with the spearmint tea first and then consider increasing my dosage of spirolactone. I’m also thinking I should maybe chat with an endocrinologist about checking hormones but that won’t be happening anytime soon. I’ve also heard vitamin d and Indole 3-Carbinol/DIM supplements were a good way to help with hormonal acne, has anybody experimented with that?",,2,windpearl2,2023-08-24 15:06:01 RedPillWomen,15zqcru,How to bring up issues without making him feel as if he isn’t doing enough,"This is a huge thing I’ve struggled with in all of my romantic relationships. I have a hard time deciding on when it’s a good time to bring up something that’s been bothering me, & often when I do it ends in my partners feeling as if they are not good enough, or aren’t doing enough. I don’t want them to feel this way & I am not sure how I can handle these issues differently that would result in them still feeling appreciated & respected. Do you ladies have any insight on how to gracefully handle this? Thank you so much!",,13,Simple_Basket_8224,2023-08-24 03:38:47 RedPillWomen,15z80km,What’s the Matter with Men? New Yorker article,"https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2023/01/30/whats-the-matter-with-men? Interesting article I came across this morning. Curious about your ladies’ takes on this. While I recognize RPW values/lifestyle aren’t for everyone (I pick and choose the concepts I apply and to what extent myself), there is so much in this community that is just plain useful for creating a better society — that gets overlooked or discounted because of the association with a certain ideology. That goes for all sides of the spectrum. It’s crazy to me that the ideas of respecting our male partners, putting in effort to meet their needs, and working as a team are dismissed by so many women as un-feminist. I mean - isn’t that what we expect from our partners? Why wouldn’t we expect to reciprocate? Writing off any group and ignoring their struggles just further alienates us ALL from each other, the predicament in this article is exhibit a. Men and women alike are missing out on happiness and peace by buying into the deeply individualist values we are messaged by the dominant culture, and it’s eroding society’s ability to function. 🙁",,37,beautyandbravo,2023-08-23 16:01:45 RedPillWomen,15z4yb3,Great Book on Anxious Attachment I just Read,"I just finished reading this Book, ""Anxious and Full of Love"" on Amazon I really enjoyed it! I think it's a great book for anxious attachers like myself and most of us in this group. Disclosure I did not write the book of course but I know the author I met once and sharing her new book. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CFZHRR8Z",,15,ireallyloveoats,2023-08-23 14:07:18 RedPillWomen,15z9vaz,Can definetly recommend listening to some tunes to make cleaning less boring :) Nature Ambience does it for me (to counter the stress),This is what I usually use but there are plenty of playlists out there: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7jtAizfBmzHFAOQvmOKldK,,6,TheTownJeweler,2023-08-23 17:05:57 RedPillWomen,15yuq3a,Lies promoted hy egalitarian culture that ultimately hurt women,"There are a lot of lies promoted hy egalitarian culture that are well-intentioned but ultimately harmful for women. 1) ""Having periods doesn't make women weak"". Reality: A lot of women are significantly weakened during their periods . I literally can't get out of bed unless I take painkillers. 2) ""Menopause doesn't affect a woman's libido"" Reality: yes it does. I understand that feminists don't want to portray women as losing their sexuality earlier than men but pretending that menopause doesn't affect a lot of women's sexuality actually puts a lot of pressure on these women. 3) ""PMS is a sexist myth"" Reality: PMS is real even if exaggerated sometimes. 4) ""women can have kids in their 40s no problem"" Reality: A lot of women in their 40s struggle to conceive and have to resort to artificial insemination. 5) ""Women who are trained can overpower men"" Reality: Most women even with training cannot overpower grown men. This myth encourages women to pick fights they cannot win.",,39,Novel-Tip-7570,2023-08-23 05:49:17 RedPillWomen,15z09n2,"""I told you so""?","In Surrendered Wife, Laura says never tell your man 'I told you so!' when you were right about something. But what's the appropriate alternative, in the cases that you were right? Recently my bf and I had several casual disagreements wherein he insists that A is true, but if I am well studied in that area I happen to know that B is true. I study something that comes up a lot in daily conversations, but people who don't study it have plenty of misconceptions about. When trying to prove his point he will use logic and also credentials such as experience or observations etc, but the only times I insist on what I say is if I studied it in university already. Anything pertaining to my field of study, I turn out to be right over him, even if his credentials or logic seem very strong in the moment. If I'm not certain about something then I won't insist it. Instead, I will admit ""I'm not sure"" and let it at that. In such disagreements I stay calm so long as I know that I'm right. If I try to explain why I'm right, he won't always listen if he thinks he's right because his logic is stellar. If he starts to get worked up I just save my breath because I know I'm right. But if he asks me to explain why I think I'm right over him, I begin, but I might also get worked up when I feel he's not convinced. Then he will go and verify it - say, a quick Google search. When I turn out to be right, he gives a laugh of relief, hugs me tightly then says ""You were right! Oh, you're always right. I should have just listened to you."" Then he begins to list other instances in which I insisted something and turned out to be right. As I said, I don't insist something unless I am certain that I am right. But his credentials are believable, too, like strong evidence or culturally-accepted hypotheses (we're from different cultures), so I don't dismiss his ideas either, instead I try to pivot them to my own. My ex told me that he felt insecure to talk with me about this topic because I know lot about it. But this topic is unavoidable in daily conversations especially between lovers/family. Then my ex went off and tried to study things which might be useful in daily conversations, too, but his interests remained niche and he ""felt like a failure"" (his words). I know that if my boyfriend thinks of me as 'always right' over him he might feel emasculated. What should I do? TLDR; I don't say ""I told you so!"" but he says ""Oh honey you are always right!"" and that is kind of feeding into the same energy!",,6,flower_power_g1rl,2023-08-23 10:47:48 RedPillWomen,15yo3y1,Husband keeps showing me and my children videos of women doing face contouring.,"My husband keeps showing me and the kids videos of women doing face contouring and joking in a mean spirited way that women are shape-shifters. He tells the boys (in front of me), “do not forget this boys: all women are shape-shifters” and laughs and shows them the video. I am very feminine and only wear skirts and dresses. I don’t know how I can possibly become more feminine. I know there is something I can do differently to help or to make myself not feel bad when he does this. I am open to “mind tricks” and any all helpful tips and advice. Not saying I’m feminine to ward off emotional attacks- just because I need you to know what a loss I am at with this. Maybe there is something I can change, do, do differently, etc. please help.",,21,LenoraAshmoreB,2023-08-23 00:39:35 RedPillWomen,15yz4bm,Heart Messages Help,"I am reading Laura Doyle’s book, Surrendered Wife, and have come across the chapter on heart messages. I’m having trouble finding what my husband is trying to tell me, and I want to be able to respond appropriately. Last night, he was putting our toddler down for bed, and I was getting our newborn through the witching hour (which has been really hard these last couple of weeks). The dog came down to the basemenT, where me and the newborn were and started running around, squeaking his chew toy, and made the newborn cry louder. Unfortunately, the dog doesn’t listen to me at all, so my husband came down after putting the toddler down and got the dog to stop. He was annoyed and was like “everything you do becomes my problem, useless.” I do, do things around the house and when we are in a good space he will say that I am a good mom or I do keep the house organized, etc. We had been arguing that day already, because I’m on maternity leave and he says I have two jobs: take care of the kids and take care of the house. I do take care of the kids and the house is very well organized so I didn’t understand why he kept saying it, I asked him to provide more information on what I wasn’t doing, and he said I need to calm down and be less anxious. Ultimately, I responded to “Ouch” last night and he went off and did his own thing. I left him alone, didn’t argue. He slept on the couch, and I want to this morning be able to build intimacy back, and try to say what he is getting at. Is he wanting to be more appreciated? This morning at breakfast do I say - I really appreciate all of the work you put in and do for our family. We wouldn’t function without you around to help out. Or am I missing what the heart message actually is? Thanks!",,4,Fair_Farmer_236,2023-08-23 09:49:33 RedPillWomen,15ycs4x,Boyfriend won’t let me do things for him,"We love each other very much and recently he planned a surprise birthday trip for me- he makes me feel like such a princess/queen. It was a 6 hour drive and on our trip there, we swapped half way. On our way back, I was tired & took a short nap but was awake for the majority of the ride. I asked him a couple times if I should drive and he mentioned later or the next pit stop. The next pit stop comes around and I ask him again and he tells me that he can do it. This is just a small example, it’s happened repeatedly where I’d want to do something for him because I love him but he would refuse to receive it for whatever the reason. Just today we didn’t meal prep and I offered to order him lunch since he has a really important meeting today- but he told me he’d do it himself. I’m not working much so finances are a bit tight for me but it was something I wanted to do for him. Do I continue to let him do this or should I just do the things I want to do to show him my love rather than asking for permission first. Or any alternative thoughts?",,21,Any_Citron9272,2023-08-22 17:37:19 RedPillWomen,15yc5ok,Boyfriend upset with how I have handled an interaction with a man - advice needed!,"Hi ladies, I’m hoping for a little advice! I’m fairly new to RPW and still feeling my way through it, please bear with me if it’s a little long! My boyfriend and I are both 31. I’ve recently moved to a new area and I’m looking to start church here and to do an Alpha course - I’m very curious about Christianity and am wanting to delve deeper. I live in a small village and there’s only one person who runs the Alpha course. Unfortunately for me, this man fancies me and has made passing advances in the past. As he runs the course and is active in the church - he was my port of call to ask questions about upcoming courses and church here…. He made a pass at me again and said that he will take me to church as ‘no-one should go to church on their own for the first time’. It seemed innocent enough but I know his history with me. I felt uncomfortable with the interaction and immediately brought it to my boyfriend’s attention and asked his advice on how to shut it down. He blew his lid at me and said it’s painfully obvious how this was going to pan out and I’m intelligent enough to know that, amongst other things. He’s very, very angry with me for approaching this man about church. How do I handle this? AITA?! Please help!! Thank you for reading this far, I know it seems trivial but I’m really rubbish with confrontation.",,7,emmyverve,2023-08-22 17:15:23 RedPillWomen,15y4msq,Surrendered Wife or Fascinating Womanhood?,"Now, I'm FW through and through - been following the principles for over 10 years - but Laura Doyle seems to be mentioned here a lot. Are they similar? Would both work together? Tempted to add to my Wife Library! ",,8,homekeepingheart,2023-08-22 12:38:13 RedPillWomen,15xyb5u,How to plan on managing our finances with our future spouse?,"After the whole period of courting and dating,…when a couple finally decide to get married, the obvious topic of money cannot be ignored. So,… When should a couple in love, ideally start having the discussion about money? Like for example,…who’s going to be responsible for paying the bills, who’ll take care of the family’s health and insurance, kids educational expenses in future,…etc. Also,…how to broach the topic of prenup agreement while dating, without offending the person we love? Please guide!!!",,6,GlamarousInGivenchy,2023-08-22 07:28:51 RedPillWomen,15xb1he,I’m considering quitting studying for a prestigious job but worried that my boyfriend will split up with me for it,"I’m 22 and my boyfriend is 26. I’ve heard that men like to boast about their girlfriend/wives jobs. I’m training to be a healthcare professional. I am very gentle natured, and I feel it is a hard job to manage. I get extremely exhausted and I have to have responsibility too, which doesn’t bode well as I feel I could make mistakes, especially towards the end of a working day when I get very tired. Although I love being at home doing chores, I don’t want to shy away from work, I feel like I want a job with less responsibility. I may push myself to finish to get the degree at at least( I have another year left). I’m a dancer on the side which brings in some extra money. I am always cleaning, cooking for my boyfriend and I feel I give a lot in the relationship. I’m scared that he will think less of me and respect me less. How do you feel about this? Would guys look on their girlfriend in a bad way? I know that I would also disappoint my mother, I just really don’t feel good",,14,Diamond-pearls21,2023-08-21 15:34:14 RedPillWomen,15xd1no,Home sick today and reading “The Surrendered Single”. What are your thoughts on Laura Doyle’s work?,"I’m not single, I’m in a relationship with someone who I hope one day becomes my husband. I’m reading this book to improve my overall sense of self when it comes to relationships. What are your thoughts on Laura Doyle?",,5,fossacecak,2023-08-21 16:48:57 RedPillWomen,15xjzd5,Help me understand if I'm compatible with my man?,"Note: Long post not sure if shorting it will help here. Please note both of us are autistic and don't have much dating experiences. I'm 26 and he's 25. We have similar interests and likes. We've got political stuff in common,but have thing's we disagree with; but he's not into politics that much (except for guns)(Not sure if this is important info, and I'm not really judging, I just want to cover all my bases. He has a best friend who was in an abusive relationship for years and is an a super super serious relationship in under three months. I wonder if this is clouding his judgement? If not important or does not matter, let me know. I see it as a reason as to why he acts like this.) On our third date which was 6 weeks after the first one he opened up to me about his past and I listened. I'm a super sweet person and was willing to listen to him. But I know people don't tend to share all of there hardships and struggles to just anyone. I'm wondering if I somehow moved things to fast by listening to him. I've been with a guy for 5 months but have only about 24-30 hours of dating time. He is really infatuated with me and was moving things super fast and with not many dates wanted to be very serious relationship level. I told him I'm still in the very beginning and he's at stages ahead of me. I told him it's going to be awhile for me. He's fine with it but, doesn't do the engagement stage leading up to marriage and sees it as fluff. So if I do go serious with him I feel like I practically will have to marry him tomorrow. How I'm I suppose to understand what time frame I'm supposed to be at to know if we'll work out? I don't want to drag my feet, but at the same time I feel pressured. Everyone says it will work out, that I'll somehow know? All my young friends and family are purple to blue pilled, while the older ones are think it's to complicated, unneeded or don't about it. So I want a red pill woman (or man lurker) perspective. I've been sitting with this for two weeks and I'm still unsure. Do I keep dating him long term and if no feelings become stronger commit and hope I do get stronger feelings? Do I hope that getting married and kid's will shoot up to his level? I feel like this may be the only chance I get before the wall happens.",,2,Alethra,2023-08-21 21:01:27 RedPillWomen,15wyh10,Date night instapot/air frier ideas??,I live in a studio apartment with no oven and (currently) no microwave! I do have an instapot duo crisp with an air frier feature. Need something simple and fairly quick that will still impress my dates when I invite them for a home cooked meal. I’m a good cook but feel a little lost without a stove. Any ideas appreciated!!,,5,No_Control7023,2023-08-21 05:40:18 RedPillWomen,15wmb4v,I dont motivate him,"My boyfriend told me I dont motivate him. I'm not entirely sure what he meant but he did mention some people that motivate him. What the two people (His brother and a female friend) have in common is they are absolute go getters. They are very relentless in going after what they want and don't excuse themselves for anything. They breath, live and eat consistency and they have a lot to show for it. He greatly respects abd admires them and he is them to an extent. I, on the other hand, tend to get easily overwhelmed and am not very good at following through and sticking to my goals. Having ADHD doesn't help. He is constantly preaching consistency to me and I have improved but not at the pace he expects. Whenever he says he is tired, instead of me asking him to do more, as he does for me, I remind him of how much he has aready done and accomplished and encourage him to take a break and rest a while. He did say that the only way I do motivate him is that he doesn't like it when I can't have the thing I want and he knows will be good for me like a new phone. Should I do anything about this? Does he want me to be that beast of a person so that I motivate him? I personally feel like I can improve by being a bit more consistent. But I also like being a bit slow paced. I am kind to myself a lot.. I dont push myself too much and yet things work out. Edit: Thank you so much for your responses. I have been a tad too occupied to respond but I am grateful for taking your time to weigh in and give some solid advice. I am waiting till our nect face to face date so that I can ask him what he meant.",,18,melon_madness,2023-08-20 20:40:54 RedPillWomen,15wka81,Work Travel Blues…,"Hey, all! Quasi-vent/request for some advice… My husband travels frequently for work as an executive in his firm. He travels 3-4 days per week, nearly every week, and this has been going on for the past 8 months. Before now, I haven’t minded so much… it’s fairly easy for me to keep track of the kiddos and do morning/evening routines by myself, and go to work… but lately it has just seemed harder and harder to stay motivated with anything extra. I usually try to to have the house very clean when he gets back, look nice for him when he gets back (day dress, makeup, a little “extra nice” lingerie etc…), make homemade meals most nights for the kids when he’s not here, have non-screen time entertainment activities planned for the kids after school, etc etc… but the past couple weeks it has felt just painful to get back in the “back to school routine” all alone. The kids are getting into real upper-elementary school, and it’s a big step up in terms of homework, teacher meetings, shuttling to extracurriculars, friend drama, expectations on parents to do some of these elaborate crafts during the week to turn in on Fridays, PTA, etc… I feel like I’m near my limit in terms of burnout from working a full time corporate job myself (I’m a manager with a team of 10, and am in a high compensation range - I don’t want to quit, and it financially wouldn’t make sense to quit), and essentially functioning as a single mom during the week. We have two dogs, 4 chickens, a pet snake, a pool, gardens, big lawn, a menagerie of exotic plants, and it all just feels like too much for one person to look after. I have spreadsheets for budgets, grocery lists, animal and plant care schedules, bill due dates, pool maintenance, and everything else, but it still feels like I’m behind. I can’t offload any of this onto my husband or get his help/support/“say I can’t” a la Lauren Doyle… because he is physically not around, and the 3 days per week that he is home, he understandably wants to relax. What is the next move when you feel like your about to drown/go under? What have been the most impactful ways you have gotten things off your plate? Was it meal kits? A housekeeper? A driver to get the kids to and from school? A dog walker? We can afford these things… I’ve always just taken such great pride in doing it “myself”/being super woman/“doing it all”, and I’m not sure how to start in terms of outsourcing any of it. What high impact services could you suggest to help give me back some margin with a good value-per-dollar? Appreciate any help/support, or just a kind word!!",,5,Scared-Tea-8911,2023-08-20 19:21:43 RedPillWomen,15w39ru,Respect,"Ok, I know all men we make our Partner are to be considered an authority that is to be respected. But is it not true that respectability is something that men need to show? Are we just heaping respect on them to placate them? Rewarding mediocre character with our very life and love? I am massively struggling with the deep and all-encompassing respect. I was raised to respect the respectable and RECEIVE respect by those around me for being respectable. And the flip side: Do the men we respect truly love us? Show us they live in a way we recognize? Most so it just their own way, not caring if we see it because „ma masculinity“ ? Should we not be wayyy more selective with our respect? Our praise and support? Because reading MRP no man there sees women as human beings, just holes for fucking and emotional gratification on their terms. Massive Manipulation is used against us women! To mold us into perfect robots that cook, fuck and adore. ",,7,Such_Beginning_1629,2023-08-20 06:08:49 RedPillWomen,15w8l28,My (29F) husband (31M) got mad and left me on a Café for a trivial reason,"Yesterday me and my husband went to have lunch as this is the only day we eat outside, he suggested a junk food while I suggested dine in restaurants (I explained to him MULTIPLE times that since I cook everyday and don’t go to restaurants with my friends because I’m on a diet and it’s the only day we eat out, we should eat at least a decent meal) so I insisted (gently) and so we went to a restaurant and he was okay and he liked the menu but suddenly he got mad out of nowhere and said he wouldn’t eat and when we left to a cafe so we could finish our work he dropped me off the car and said he would finish some work (he was mad), at this point I couldn’t resist so I left the cafe that he left me in and walked to another place, later on he called me and asked me where am I and I was really frustrated and crying that why he is punishing me? He did a similar thing last time and I asked him if he wants to get rid of me or if he felt bored, he tried to be kind but never apologized and when we talked I told him that I hate when he would punish me for trivial reasons, he said that I’m always nagging and only look on the negative side and he said that he hates that I’m a cold person and I’m very slow when I’m getting ready and when I cook (excuse me?? Then why you don’t help me?) today we have two tickets to go see a movie but I don’t feel comfortable going out with him again after feeling criticized and judged. Anyway we agreed to see a therapist but I don’t know while we wait.",,1,Constant-Ride-6660,2023-08-20 11:06:52 RedPillWomen,15va9qe,I think I'm failing pretty hard,"I need some help. My husband and I both agree with the captain/first mate relationship philosophy, but I seem to have a problem with fully letting go and letting him lead properly. Sometimes I'll ask for an explanation to his decision until I have enougn info to agree with him before accepting what he says. Sometimes it'll just be a reaction to question him. I desperately want to be a good wife and follow his lead, but I seem to fail him more than I'd like to. He says he thinks I don't fully trust him and respect him as a leader. Intellectually and logically I absolutely do. He is an amazing husband and father who has proven himself time and time again. So why do I do this? It isn't all the time, but it's definitely more frequently than we're both happy with. I do experience anxiety, so letting go of all of the little ""what ifs"" can be a challenge for me. But why can't his voice be a reassurance that I don't need to worry about all of those what ifs? I feel ashamed for failing him and myself. A recent instance popped up and we've both been speaking about it, and I thought I'd reach out to you ladies for your thoughts. Have any of you struggled with this and how have you overcome it? Needless to say, the situation is deeply upsetting for the both of us. Am I just not cut out to be a good wife?",,22,FancyPants882,2023-08-19 08:17:47 RedPillWomen,15v47zw,Learn to cook and exploit it!,"Forgive me if incorrect flair. Tonight I made my family some basic Mexican-style tacos. I marinated the chicken overnight, chopped up the toppings early and got to cooking. It took 30 minutes for a restaurant/taqueria quality meal and everyone loved it. Somewhere, some men are congregating admitting that they’d actually like a woman who can cook even though they’re being shamed for it. I don’t know a single woman in my life under 30 that can cook besides me and my one friend. It’s simply not a priority these days. The best time to start learning to cook is as a kid with grandma in the kitchen. The next best time is NOW! I’m not ready to jump Into dating yet (nun mode) but when I do, the kitchen is going to be my “big guns”. Does anyone else adore cooking/ Did bringing your cooking skills up benefit you in dating? Let me know. <3",,25,SweetSecond5900,2023-08-19 02:47:57 RedPillWomen,15vj225,Is anyone up for a chat?,"Its been a hard few days here, I think the reality has finally set in that i've moved away from home, im feeling a little homesick, nervous/excited about the future just wish it would go by faster. i also wanted to speak to someone or a few of you who are married, i have questions I'd like to aks privatley if thats alright. :) Thank you in advance. &#x200B;",,2,Charming-Paper-1564,2023-08-19 15:22:30 RedPillWomen,15v573t,How big a turn off is it if a woman lives with her mom?,"How big a turn off is it if a woman lives with her mom? I (27F) work for a nonprofit. I have a degree from a great college, but earn very little because of the nature of my work. I am currently living with my mom so I can save money for grad school. She has a nice place and lives only 10 minutes from my work so it makes complete logistical sense. I want to start dating again though and I am wondering whether I should move to my own place before doing so. I want to attract a high quality man, and I am afraid he will lose interest when he learns I live with my mom. How big a turn off would this be for a high quality man?",,10,[deleted],2023-08-19 03:37:04 RedPillWomen,15ujubq,Cheating Dilemma: do you let your partner know that you know?,"Hello ladies! While this question does relate to my personal situation, I'd prefer to hear more general responses/ advice. I've read some of the previous posts on this sub about unfaithfulness but couldn't find an answer to this specific question. Let's say you find out your partner has been unfaithful. While this is obviously bad, perhaps it's understandable/ explainable to you as it highlights just how unsatisfied your own negative behavior (eg. nagging, un-femininity, not meeting bedroom needs etc.) has made your partner. So let's say you **want** to stay in the relationship and improve yourself as a partner to meet his needs so he's less likely to step outside the relationship again. In this specific scenario, would you inform him that you know about his indiscretions? Would you need him to be the one to confess? Or would you simply improve yourself and not tell/ ask him about his indiscretions? Of course I know that this is a very individualized thing and many people will have many different answers/ opinions on this subject. But any discussion or insight would be welcome. Have a wonderful day ladies! &#x200B; **Edit**: Thank you for the comments so far. I do appreciate them and I understand that for a lot of women they would leave. However, I'm looking for advice specifically on if you want to stay and continue the relationship. I hope I've made myself a bit clearer! ",,29,West_Army_160,2023-08-18 12:55:43 RedPillWomen,15umj7l,Red pill content on tik tok,"Hi ladies, There is so much content on tiktok regarding red pill. I've come across a male that speaks about manipulating woman to get them to act a certain way and withholding when doing something wrong? Has anyone else seen such content like this and how do we woman view this? My thoughts are that this is unhealthy. It scares me that some red pill men view women as such and have the wrong idea. My heart dies inside when I see this, although it is not happening to me.. but what about other women?",,12,[deleted],2023-08-18 14:45:41 RedPillWomen,15tzpwd,Worn down by my bad experiences with other women,"I’m exhausted by the negative experiences I’ve had with women throughout my life. I’m now 33 and ever since high school women have been competitive, ostracised me from groups, gossiped behind my back, sabotaged me and just generally bullied me. Since then some have even reached out to apologise. I wouldn’t say I’m exceptionally beautiful or talented but I do get attention from men and take pride in my appearance. I am very active (running and Pilates) and creative. I really try and be a good friend to other women. I like to support and be kind, going out of my way to make other women feel at ease around me. Most recently a friend who I saw like a sister turned on me (went after a man I was interested in and confided in her for months about) and it has really affected my confidence. At work my line manager micromanaged the hell out of me and I recently quit because I couldn’t take it anymore. I used to catch her staring at me especially when we had work events and we were dressed up. I found out my entire team signed my leaving card for me (around 20 people) and she didn’t pass the card on to me. I genuinely crave better women in my life and women that don’t turn on me or compete.",,26,TeachSuspicious5580,2023-08-17 21:04:08 RedPillWomen,15udfp3,Favourite Meals,"I'm wondering what your men's favourite meals are (or top 3)? Those meals they always ask for on their birthdays or make their eyes light up excitedly. I'm just curious as I think it could be a fun way to exchange ideas of ways to mix it up in the kitchen. My man's top pick would have to ribs and wings, although he likes practically everything if it's done well! I'm so lucky he isn't a picky eater as it means I get to try out anything I like!",,3,FancyPants882,2023-08-18 07:23:53 RedPillWomen,15tn15i,The Easiest RPW Tip!,"As everyone knows, there are many RPW tips, some are complex to implement yet others are surprisingly simple. A few months ago lurking on this sub, I found an easy tip repeating from girls and mods in field report: ""Ask him what he wants to eat for dinner, then make it."" Personally, this tip saves me SO much time because I now don't need to browse recipes that might risk my palate, or spend excess money on foods that I might end up not using, or worry myself about whether my boyfriend is going to like what I'm making. Previously, I would announce ahead of time to my boyfriend what I am planning to cook. He would respond, ""I can't wait to eat it! I love your cooking."" Which is sincere and very nice! Sidenote, we do not live together, but we visit eachothers' apartments 1-2 times a week during which the host will cook for the guest. But when I read this RPW tip and heard that it improves how the man feels about you, I started to implement it. When I first started asking him what he wants for dinner, he would say ""Anything you want to cook, babe"" or ""I love everything you cook."" Which is sweet! But I was worried he will think I am starting to be lazy for not planning ahead. But I kept slowly trying out this tip, and eventually he started getting comfortable to answer. Another easy way to ask a man this is ""What are you craving today?/What have you been craving recently?"" He even started to do this to me as well! The surprising thing that happened was that after a while, he became more comfortable to answer my question directly. Now whenever I ask, he tells me what he wants, everything even down to side dishes and drinks! And because he knows what I'm going to cook ahead of time, often times he even goes to the grocery store and buys the ingredients for me first! Once I overheard him telling his friend that I am willing to cook for him anything he wants to eat, and that makes me 'so wifey material',! So thanks, RPW!! Today he is coming over for dinner, and I asked him what he wants to eat/drink. He then sent me a drink recipe LOL! I am so happy he has become more comfortable to be decisive around me, calls me wifey material, and being sent a recipe just makes this evening so much simpler for me.",,38,flower_power_g1rl,2023-08-17 13:04:23 RedPillWomen,15tzcxw,Should I still watch Jasmyne Theodora?,"In the last few months I (19f) have been watching tradwife and feminine energy content creators. After growing up around feminism and seeing how damaging it is to society, I realized in order to be happy and fulfilled, I need to become a submissive, feminine woman to attract a man with strong Christian values. I’ve been following Jasmyne Theodora for a while now and she inspired me to pursue this journey of being a feminine, submissive woman. However, the other day, I watched a video from her titled “we need to talk about modesty”. When I was reading the comments, someone posted a link to her modeling portfolio with semi nude modeling pictures (bra and panties). She ended up making the video private. I’m really disappointed because like I said, I looked up to her. But this whole situation makes me feel like she’s a hypocrite and only seeking views while still trying to have a modeling career that goes against everything she says she stands for. Should I continue to watch her? Is she a good example?",,3,ResearcherLivid443,2023-08-17 20:51:10 RedPillWomen,15tygd5,How do you interact with a potential boyfriend’s pet?,"This is a bit of a light-hearted question, but people love their pets and the way you treat them makes a difference in how their owners see you. I’m a dog person and animal lover in general; I love baking treats for dogs I know and if I were to date a dog owner, I would automatically want to do that because it’s fun for me. Today I realized that making treats, helping to take care of the pet, and being affectionate with it in general could also effectively demonstrate a nurturing personality or domestic skills. For RPWs who want kids, I imagine that the way you treat a man’s pet influences his perception of you as a potential mother. For those who have dated pet parents, is this true at all? And what did guys like or dislike you doing with their pets?",,4,Ok-Coat7665,2023-08-17 20:18:28 RedPillWomen,15thtjd,I so so happy!!,"So as some of you might know, I'm working through cleaning up my side of the street after transgressions in my marriage. Well, today I noticed that my trusty hair straightener had some damage to the tip of it so I messaged my husband to tell him I was sad about my hair straightener. Straight after I messaged he said ""awww I'll buy you another one tomorrow"" This is so totally not what he used to do. He'd ordinarily tell me to just buy another one, and that it isn't a big deal etc. I'm just feeling over the moon",,19,[deleted],2023-08-17 08:59:57 RedPillWomen,15t7t0w,Declining birth rates around the world,"I was watching a few videos on the topic of declining birth rates in China and Japan. The governments are becoming desperate because they need to replace the aging workforce and get that cheese, but people don't want to get married and have children. They don't even want to have sex, and the governments acts like they don't know how this happened and what to do about it. The solutions are simple. Stop fucking people over. Make people more fuckable, make marriage more attractive, and make it possible to raise a family on one income while also allowing the father to have time in the home. * force companies to stop exploiting their workers * Stop feeding people soy, corn, and other crap that disrupts their hormones and makes them ugly * stop trying to emasculate men and masculinize women. * Stop incentivizing divorce * stop funding/encouraging single mother hood * shame hook up culture and sexual degeneracy * make cities more walkable and fund programs/events that allow people to get more exercise and socialize * make education more useful so kids are actually developing into functional adults * stop letting social media/entertainment companies psyop the public/encourage them to be terminally online * and stop robbing people of so much of their income. Of course they're not going to do all of this because they'll lose so much money, and the ruling classes and corporations want their money now so they don't care about who takes power in the future. It would be nice to see this because it is possible, but not under the current regimes in power. I didn't write every possible solution but that's the gist of it.",,39,Gerryrigfig,2023-08-17 00:50:12 RedPillWomen,15t0c8q,Get in the mood if you aren’t.,"To get straight into it—I quite literally had the best sex ever yesterday with my fiancé! Right as soon as we got home he started to kiss me in that amazing “craving” way. Now—the old me would’ve freaked out about not having had a shower (it’s very hot in the south don’t judge). Would’ve worried if I smelled funny or whatever nonsense like that. If I had pushed him away yesterday that would be rejecting him. Because he wanted me in that moment and was vulnerable enough to show me so. A lot of women including me find it hard to initiate. How would you feel if you built up the confidence to initiate and you were told “later” or “not now” and brushed it off. It’s hurtful. My fiancee shows his love through having sex with me and making me feel good. Enjoy it, if you aren’t in the mood get in the mood! Stop viewing sex as a chore and something for both of you to enjoy. It’s a way of connection. We went at it like crazy yesterday it was the best we were able to do what we want and enjoy the moment as a couple. I couldn’t be happier about it. We were so tired afterwards but we were damn happy. I felt desired and very sexy and I want that more. Get in the mood, an orgasm will lift your spirits and make you feel more connected with your man. I sure do!",,86,LoveWitchXo,2023-08-16 20:01:41 RedPillWomen,15txo4s,"A waitress was rude to me and I feel like my boyfriend is more concerned about her than me. Ladies, what do you think of this situation?","I have been with my boyfriend for around 4 months. He’s 26 I’m 22. He is from a different country and has a different native language. For a few weeks, I’m living in a different city and we meet just on the weekend. On Friday after work we went to a restaurant. We wanted to go on a nice cozy date. We were seated at a small table. The waitress came over. She had recognised my boyfriends name on the booking. Turns out, she was from the same country my boyfriend is. She started talking in their language. After a while, she asked me if I understood and I said I couldn’t. She still continued. According to my boyfriend she was talking about a university degree she did, and how she wants to leave waitressing and have a job related to that degree etc. Eventually she left the table. We had several waitresses that night, however each time she turned up at the table she would speak in their language and I just didn’t understand. Finally, the time came to pay. In their shared language infront of me, she explained to my boyfriend about the card reader being faulty. Throughout the whole evening, she only spoke English briefly a few times. For the majority, she was speaking to my boyfriend in their language. I had gone on a date with my boyfriend, and to be honest by the end I felt quite deflated. I filed a complaint and explained to them the situation but did say I liked the restaurant etc. I felt quite upset, and my boyfriend agreed she could have spoken English after she realised I couldn’t understand and after they had had a brief conversation. Management got back to me and were quite dismissive which disappointed me but since then I just decided to move on. It has been a few days since then and my boyfriend out of the blue bought it up. On the phone this evening, he told me that I should think twice about leaving a complaint about a server again. He said that he hopes management weren’t too harsh on her and that he feels bad for her. All I wanted was for my boyfriend to empathise with me, be on my side. I was the one who sat through that but he didn’t seem to care about that. To be honest, it wouldn’t be too surprising if he went back and told her he’s sorry or something. Was I wrong for wanting some backing from him in this case? It just feels like he doesn’t care about how this situation made me feel. I don’t want to be with and marry a man who doesn’t want to take my side when it’s reasonable as I just want to feel like a team at the end of the day. What do you think?",,0,Diamond-pearls21,2023-08-17 19:49:29 RedPillWomen,15sqroi,Change in treatment,"I have a question. So my treatment has changed ALOT by male and female friends I know. This happened after I got 2ml of lip filler. What I’ve noticed after this is: strangers are generally nicer to me, both men and women. Female acquaintances are nicer to me. Male acquaintances don’t really talk to me much anymore or if I start a conversation, they ignore me or talk to anyone else except me which I don’t understand??? Male strangers stare at me more but don’t approach like before. Before I got way more approaches but less stares. This amount of lip filler kind of changed how my face is perceived or looks. It changed my whole face. Is my treatment from people I know due to them not being able to grasp a change in looks this fast?",,7,IndustryMountain,2023-08-16 14:01:24 RedPillWomen,15rsv6t,Husband hurt my feelings and I can't let it go,"Obligatory ""we usually have a great relationship, blah, blah"". Married 11 years, 4 kids. I was telling him last night how I'm trying to be nicer to my body and I want to get some new clothes now instead of continuing to wait until I'm back to my pre-baby weight. And that I might never get back there, that this might be as good as it gets. And he said, ""that would be disappointing"". And he says he was joking but I don't think he was. I don't *think* he's disgusted by my body. I don't think my body is disgusting. I'm ten pounds from where I want to be, but I'm 38 now and the baby only just turned one. I think it's really a clash between self-acceptance and self-improvement. But I'd been trying to feel gratitude for my body and all it's done - carrying and birthing and feeding our four amazing kids (still feeding the baby). And I'd like to lose some weight and be stronger, but even if I do, my clothes might not fit the way they used to. My stomach might always stick out a little bit and that's okay. I can dress myself well and feel good about myself anyway. I can do it now. I don't have to keep waiting until I'm at a certain weight to enjoy dressing myself again. But I didn't say all that. And I think he heard I'm just going to give up. But even if that were true, is that so bad? Does he really think I'm so unappealing now? I cried. He apologized. And he did encourage me to order a bunch of stuff from old Navy but I'm feeling so discouraged and demoralized. Laura Doyle says vulnerability creates intimacy but I don't feel intimate. I feel hurt and like I want to withdraw and put up walls to protect myself. What can I say to myself to get over this?",,47,somedayimight,2023-08-15 13:32:39 RedPillWomen,15ru9e0,Field Report: Sexy Gift Giving,"My anniversary is this week. We’ve been married 10 years which is a milestone. We’ve been together for 16 which makes the timeline even longer. I have always believed that gifting men lingerie is a bit of a cop-out. It seemed to me that it was more buying a gift for yourself and claiming that it was for him. So completely unrelated to my anniversary coming up (no really, I pinky swear!) I asked him how he felt about it. > It *can* be a cop-out. If a woman wears it once and then tosses it in the bottom of the drawer then it sort of is. But with you, I know that you wear it for me regularly, so it’s not a cop-out. Now, I had already purchased a more public facing gift (and I haven’t given it to him yet so you don’t get to know what it is) but the lingerie conversation got my brain humming. My husband has a very high sex drive and it is [absolutely the way in which he feels loved]( https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/8o2dtb/for_women_only_sex_chapter_6/). For Women Only steered me right for our second anniversary, when I DIYed my out boudoir pictures for his [viewing pleasure]( https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/8o2dtb/for_women_only_sex_chapter_6/). And because it was a milestone year, I felt like something a little extra was in order. &nbsp; ###Cue The Boxes I spent an inordinate amount of time scouring Amazon for lingerie to fit his taste, fantasies and some specific themes. I purchased [ 10 black boxes with labels](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B09DG37ZLN/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1) and into each box I added a lingerie costume and any necessary accessories. Each is labeled with a cheeky title so they can be easily pulled from the shelf and used again and again. Then I took the blank note cards that came with the box and added a description of what each box was offering. For instance (and thanks a ton to u/sunshinesundress who now knows way too many intimate details of my sex life!) > “She’s from the trailer park and has a mouth like a sailor, but if you tickle her in the right spot, she’s sweeter than apple pie. Don’t mess with her too much though - she’s proud to carry and will not hesitate to use it against you to get what she wants” That particular box contained [the shortest daisy dukes you ever did see](https://www.amazon.com/Oflive-Womens-Denim-Shorts-Jeans/dp/B07QB8BL1B/ref=sr_1_4?keywords=denim+short+lingerie&qid=1692107263&sprefix=demin+short+linger%2Caps%2C208&sr=8-4) and the promise to speak with a southern accent for the evening. &nbsp; ### The Reception To say that it has been well received would be an understatement. I’ve gifted him one per day leading up to our actual anniversary. He has been absolutely *gushing* about how lucky he is, how happy he is to be married to me and how wonderful I am. We haven’t even taken any of the boxes for a test drive yet and he’s been coming home early all week and so obviously on cloud 9. To say he’s over the moon doesn’t do his mood justice. He has been affectionate and attentive to a level beyond the usual this week. He even gave me my gift a week early because he was so excited. My gift you ask: a yellow garnet pendant that is engineered in such a way that it captures and temporarily stores photons of light. Basically, he gifted me a magic stone that holds sunlight. &nbsp; ### Takeaway I generally prefer to write theory rather than brag about my man (even though [bragging about him is a totally valid strategy](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/8f6upu/for_women_only_insecurity_affirmation_chapter_3/) ). But I wanted to share this after the current discussion surrounding men and sex and whether or not it’s a need. I recognize that for my husband this is a demonstration of love. The gift itself shows desire for him. These fantasies are repeatable rather than a one time occasion that I might suffer through for his sake. I have put thought into what will specifically turn him on. Finally, I put *effort* into each one. Use my idea if you like but more than that, take away this: *Desire, thoughtfulness, effort* Oh and go at it like bunnies, it just makes life better.",,38,Deliaallmylife,2023-08-15 14:27:03 RedPillWomen,15rlutt,"RedPill women who used to be on the “liberal” sides, what made you open your eyes?","Hi! For those who used to consider themselves feminists etc., is there a specific event that suddenly changed your mind? If it was more of a process, what important discoveries did you make ? Edit: Could someone please give you definition of “beta”?",,57,Drowned-star,2023-08-15 07:45:08 RedPillWomen,15ret7q,Have a healthy relationship And spoil you like princesses through sex,"When I was younger my older sister said men love women who are good in bed And they cling to her very much and do not look at Any other woman. As I said earlier, I was a teenager, so I did not understand well, but now I see most of the long relationships in which the man spoils his wife and treats her like a princess These are the ones in which the woman is sexually active. I noticed that many women reject their husbands all the time, expecting it to be just sex, but the reality is that men see it as a rejection of love and passion. Of course it's their bodies and they have the right to refuse sex, but fully expect that men will love you less if you reject him sexually a lot.Of course, I never justify cheating, but we cannot deny that most of those who cheat their partners are in dead bedrooms or Lack of sex . Honestly, I did not write all this in any women's community because I am sure that I will get an attack and the post will be deleted, so I think I am safe here",,56,Careless_Mortgage_54,2023-08-15 02:11:41 RedPillWomen,15rbf1p,We’re back on our feet!,"So I made a post maybe two weeks ago or so. I deleted it and got the warning (sorry mods I hadn’t read the post about deleted posts.) Me and my Fiancé have struggled with an addiction on his end and I handled it very improperly. I let my feelings show a lot. While yes he wants to get help on his own time and he is doing it for himself here are some things I have done to move forward. • Focus on happier things, like wedding planning which brings me a lot of joy. • Decorating around the house • Taking long bubble baths • Got my hair done and bought some new pajamas. • Being forgiving(important) Basically self care and most importantly I listened to Laura Doyle who had a podcast episode related to my situation. I went back to what I know which is the RPW way. I expressed all of my emotions in a gentle way without putting it on him & I apologized for any incorrect behaviour on my end. This weekend he bought me some flowers two bouquets actually! And we got a Wii in mint condition at a yard sale so weve been having some fun together. If we need space we let each other know. Anyways just wanted to give an update. I saw a post from another woman here in a slightly similar situation—hopefully this reaches them to. It can get better with hard work.",,7,LoveWitchXo,2023-08-14 23:49:37 RedPillWomen,15qwtni,What is the best age to get married?,"Just wondering what everyone’s thoughts and reasons are, as everyone has different opinions. Do you think it’s better to get married younger or older? When you have just enough money or should you save more and have more than enough money? Thoughts?",,13,christinaaamariaaa,2023-08-14 14:49:45 RedPillWomen,15qo8ms,Liberal women have an easier time dating,"I’m a conservative 22f. I just graduated college recently & I’ve never been in a relationship. I am in shape, have a lot of hobbies, majored in stem, etc. I dress well, but very modestly. I think I’m decently attractive, but I’ve never been asked out by a guy before. Since I was in college, I knew a lot of liberal females, & because they dressed skimpy, they received a lot of male attention, even by men who I thought were high value because of their height, income, intelligence, etc. These girls would get a new guy every 3 months or so too. Another thing, I’m waiting for marriage, & this has been a turn off to every guy I’ve talked to. Any advice on how to meet my future husband?",,34,mayonnarse,2023-08-14 08:00:08 RedPillWomen,15qiifi,Dating profile to attract providers only,"Anyone found a way to set up their dating profile to only attract men who enjoy being providers without being offensive to the ones who aren’t. I want the ones who aren’t not to bother but don’t want to be too forward. I also do not want to be harassed by men who are not and feel insulted or want to play games. At the same time if he’s got it, he’s interested and serious minded (no sugar daddies) he shouldn’t have a problem I would think (those of my target market..). I have other interests too but I will save that for my profile.",,6,Knowyourdeductible,2023-08-14 03:04:57 RedPillWomen,15qb2kl,"Ladies, in your opinion is it better to work or be a stay at home wife?","As my boyfriend and I are getting more serious I’ve been thinking about this more. I really feel in my element caring for the home. Do you think it’s better for a woman to stay at home? Or to work? Or maybe part time work? Would love to hear opinions, thanks!",,15,Diamond-pearls21,2023-08-13 21:38:56 RedPillWomen,15pwltr,Things men have complimented me on,"Not everybody is looking for male approval, but for those who are, here are some things men have complimented me on in my adulthood. They are very different from things women have complimented me on. I can make a separate post about this later, if anybody asks! **Behavior-wise:** * Being a talkative host; treating all guests equally attentive * Sticking up for my values in a group situation even if I'm the only one with those values * Sticking up for someone getting picked on, supporting the weaker/quieter side * Pointing out if somebody was speaking over somebody else * Driving and parking patiently * Complimenting my man in front of others * Caring for elderly and children * Using respectful language towards my parents * Knowing how to take care of babies (to some extent) * Eating and cooking healthily * Keeping a very tidy room (only works if very very tidy) * Being busy without complaint * Understanding foreign language/s * Having many part-time job experiences * Denying male advances, even friendships, when I am in a relationship * Letting my bf go out with friends without complaint/insecurity &#x200B; **Appearance-wise:** * Red eyeshadow/eyeliner (they love this!) * Tube tops * Gel manicured nails, in particular, any shade of mint/teal/green/blue * Brown smokey liner, minimal * Natural lip liner * Lipgloss or chapstick - always! * Lash extensions\* * Blonde hair\* * Really long hair\* * Lash lift * Black winged liner, not overdone, very well-drawn * Deep brown hair * Pale skin * Tan skin\* * Skin-hugging long silk dresses * Strappy heels * Any hairstyle that gives off a ""cute"" vibe, and hair accessories! In particular - top knots, high half-ponytails, and low pigtail braids get the most compliments * Freckles * Wide-leg pants for work \*Not relevant to me anymore",,9,flower_power_g1rl,2023-08-13 11:35:53 RedPillWomen,15pv9hw,Moving too fast on the 3rd date?,"I let him finger me and touched his man parts on the 3rd date. Was this too fast? Is he going to think I’m a slut now? I declined going all the way. We have talked about a lot of serious things like marriage and having a family prior to all this. He’s been consistent in checking in and planning time together although he hasn’t really taken me on a formal date, just coffee. I was just so horny when we started kissing and I have no couch so we were watching a movie on my bed.",,8,No_Control7023,2023-08-13 10:18:16 RedPillWomen,15q17vc,confused.,"hey ladies, so I have a situation here. my boyfriend has been working on starting a new project, trying to get a new house..and it's been taking all of our time. we went from having lengthy sweet conversations, hanging out..etc to barely anything now. and it's frustrating me because my main love language is quality time, and he knows it. but I can't tell him to drop everything of course. Though I did tell him that I miss him, and he told me he has been working for ""our future"" together, but i feel like he said that just to shut me up. also he put me on a weekly allowance, since we started dating, which was nice, but ever since he started his new project thing, I never got anything, which also bothers me, because it makes me feel like he's less serious about me and i dont want to be the type of woman that helps the guy build his future at her own expense (time and effort, and im also expected to be loyal while hes building his future) it's like I'm wasting my time, and I don't know what to do. [*edit*] I was looking forward to our weekend today, just talking..etc, we can't meet because we hadn't made any plans but just this morning, he tells me he is working overtime. I feel disrespected because he knows I love spending the weekend with him and we would call, play, read together..etc. so the least he can do is tell me he has to work overtime, I'd like to know if I'm overreacting though. I'd appreciate you ladies to give me some insight, or what the best approach would be.",,0,idkyou23,2023-08-13 15:05:16 RedPillWomen,15p9o0v,Would you forgive cheating in my situation?,"I'm 24F, he is 25M. No kids yet. Married for 4 years, together for 6 years. Our relationship was perfect, at least so I thought. He is the breadwinner, I work but not that much and he makes way more than me. We were trying for kids. I'm abroad with my mother, she is getting surgery done. He flirted with another woman and drove her home. He didn't fuck her. I spoke to her, she said it. They don't have each other's social medias or anything, he only knew her first name. I found her information online to contact her, and I found out because we have a GPS tracker on our car and he looked very guilty. He let me check the car. He didn't have a chance to tell me himself, I saw it on his face as soon as he walked in the door. This has never happened before. He met her while working. He says he really regrets it, he's crying, you know, ""you're the best thing that ever happened to me."" He is not excusing it, but he says it's the first time he's ever done it and that it was his ego, he was getting his ego stroked and not thinking because she pursued him so hard despite him turning her down. He says he has no problems in our relationship or with me. Like I wrote at the start, I genuinely feel like our relationship was perfect. What would you do in my place?",,40,BetrayedRPwife,2023-08-12 17:00:28 RedPillWomen,15osna5,How fast did you say “I love you” to your partner and how did you know it was love?,"I (24F) and my partner (30M)have been dating for about 2 months. We met online and met in person soon after. We talked for about a month before making it official (in total we’ve known each other for about 3 months). Soon after a month of dating he said the three words. I didn’t know how to react, I foresee it coming once he started the sentence and even had the urge to stop him from saying it. It’s been almost a month since that happened and I still don’t know how to feel. I have only dated twice before him and we both have only said “I love you” to one person in our past. I do believe you can stop loving someone since I don’t have any feelings for this person anymore, or maybe it wasn’t really love. Love has a heavy, deep meaning to me, I take in the Bible’s definition, biological approach and emotional nature of it. So it’s not something that I give or say carelessly. Anyways, I really like this guy. From the beginning I made it clear that I wanted to date with purpose; having marriage as a goal in our relationship and without premarital coitus. He is also taking our relationship with that level of importance. I think we are compatible in many ways, we try to be better for each other and our communication works. At first I was a little skeptic bc we weren’t having any arguments or disagreements. Now tho, I’ve gone thru some emotional moments and he’s been there for me. He also went thru some moments and have even gotten frustrated at me but we are working things good so far. I do like this person, I respect him and look up to him. I believe I am growing feelings for him but I can’t tell what love is. It’s been 3 years since I thought I was in love. And with this guy I want things to work out and for our relationship to grow. However, I ask myself “if he asked me to marry him today, would I marry him next week?” And the answer is “no”. I am not sure if it’s because it’s a matter of time (too soon), or I feel like I don’t know a great deal of him, or simply I will never be ready. I have been thinking that the day that my answer to that question is “yes” then I would feel free to say the three words. With this tho, I feel like I am robbing us a little of that spark and butterflies that come when you say those words. I do have strong feelings for him, I use the word “love” all the time, as “I want to give you my love freely”, “I need some love”… I treat him very lovingly and affectionate. I accept him for who he is and as he comes. Even tho there might be things I don’t necessarily like of him, I don’t want to change him. I do things for him that I wouldn’t do for anyone else, I nourish him in a feminine way and all I do comes out of a tender heart. He treats me well, he presents himself as someone I feel safe following, he does things for me and he is patient when I am being emotional. He shares his days with me and I feel included in his life. Sometimes I wished he was a wee bit more emotional, so I could feel his closeness and what he says he feels. For those who are aware, we are both enneagram type 5, so the lack of emotionality is definitely there from both of us, more on his side tho hehe. Anyways, my question is how soon you said “I love you” to your partner and how do you know it’s love and How could you tell you were ready to say those words? TLDR: I don’t know how to identify that I love my bf and when I should express it with explicit words.",,11,New_Height8936,2023-08-12 02:44:37 RedPillWomen,15ol424,How does a husband balance between his parents and his wife?,"I feel comfortable assuming that the women of this subreddit are all looking for a traditionally masculine man. We all want to be with a man who is a leader, protector and provider to us. We want to look up to our husband and feel safe with him. Are you comfortable submitting to a man who has submitted to his family? Someone who simply wants to follow their ways without creating his own path. Lets say their way of life is not something you want for yourself. How does a traditional man, in your opinion, balance between the wants of his family(parents and siblings) and his wife?",,10,AppropriateEbb5556,2023-08-11 21:21:09 RedPillWomen,15on7u3,"After 5,10,20 years of marriage is the way you converse with your partner very different to what it was in the beginning?","Just generally wondering if the way you speak to your long term partner has changed? Maybe there is less thought in how you word needs? Do you speak more ""freely""?",,2,[deleted],2023-08-11 22:42:16 RedPillWomen,15nkdzu,Why woman don’t like to do things a previous partner already did before for their S.O?,"I (24yo F) have found that whenever my partner (30yo M) talks about how a previous partner did something for him, I lose all interest in doing that same thing for him. These could be things like painting a canvas for him, writing him a letter, painting a rock for him, etc. I am not the jealous type; when he mentions these things I feel like whatever I do for him will not stand out from what others did bc it’s basically the same thing. I wonder if other woman feel this way and why?",,38,New_Height8936,2023-08-10 18:32:08 RedPillWomen,15nlngn,What are your opinions on Ben Shaperio's review of the Barbie movie?,"I have watch two videos (He's made four as far as I know, he might have added more) so far on him going and on about Barbie and how its an awful movie and he didnt enjoy it and many women in this space wouldnt either. But then he goes on and on about how Barbie is a bimbo and to make her smart was a mistake and I am here thinking why would they make Barbie stupid? The woman is a toy that has multiple jobs, why would you think it be a smart idea to portray her as stupid? He also got mad at the joke at the end (Spoilers!!) about how Barbie got a vagina, to which I have to add, she's human so it would make sense that she want to get it check out since she's never had one? Basically, do you agree with everything he said?",,14,Square-Step,2023-08-10 19:20:43 RedPillWomen,15n9ntn,Do you ever feel out of place these days being red pilled?,"A lot of what is talked about here goes against mainstream thoughts, i almost feel guilty about wanting to get married and wanting a big family in the future. Anyone up for a chat? I just got a lot of thoughts on my mind.",,35,Charming-Paper-1564,2023-08-10 11:20:33 RedPillWomen,15n5m8f,Update on husband,"I just wanted to thank everybody for all of their feedback and advice. I can say I’ve put a lot of effort into keeping up with myself, my house and being kinder to my husband. He’s initiated sex twice this month which hasn’t happened for years! The last time he initiated was last may in 2022! Looking forward to keeping up with RPW as it truly has helped me. I feel like myself again, but better.",,50,Ineedbabies123,2023-08-10 07:42:16 RedPillWomen,15mnb5a,Frozen in life,"Hi. I’ve followed RPW since I was 25. Around that time I got serious about finding a RP relationship, within a month of following the advice here I found one. We got engaged 2 years later, and were set to be married the following year. A month before the wedding I found out he had been cheating nearly the entire time. There was also increasingly ugly verbal abuse and angry explosions on his end. Originally I considered returning to him, mostly because I was about to turn 29 and didn’t feel hopeful about the future. But God convicted me to leave, and I truly feel he delivered me from a horrible situation. I spent the next year getting closer with God, developing life giving friendships, and left a toxic dead end job. I was in a great place, and I met a new man who was gentlemanly, intentional, a provider and chased me like I was the Beatles. I thought God was bringing me into the relationship I was meant to be in, but it collapsed and he disappeared . This set me back worse than the almost marriage did. I’ve had to rebuild my self esteem from below dirt and my trust is shaken. I can’t seem to get a footing in life in general and wonder how to take my next steps again. I teach yoga and Pilates which I love but struggle to support myself financially. My poor parents have had to put up with my constant ups and downs of deferred dreams and crushed hopes and false starts setting me back. My adhd and anxiety is getting bad. I struggle to complete basic tasks, much less figure things out like what I can possibly do for work or how to meet someone. It feels like I’m going against a current that will eventually drown me. I’ve only ever wanted to have a family and live a slow simple life. I feel like I’m failing God, in failing to trust he has a plan. I’m embarrassed to type this, to say this out loud feels like a curse, that I should be looking at things more positively. I recently had my 30th birthday. I feel paralyzed in time and don’t see a way forward. Any advice and positivity and hope is appreciated :)",,32,Naturerespektor,2023-08-09 18:27:37 RedPillWomen,15maxvp,"""Top 10% of men want 20 yr olds they can mold""","edit: The title is a statement I heard from another man talking about dating and relationships in 2023. I used to believe this until I noticed a pattern with the type of women that successful men in the public eye go for (I'm talking about serious men that have their shit together and want a life long partner, not rich degenerates who are just interested in sex). Usually, it's a woman that's younger than them, but they're rarely ever under 30. When you think about it, a man who's moving up in the world doesn't have time to invest in a younger woman he essentially has to father. He wants someone that can benefit him beyond sex by improving his quality of life. For example, Henry Cavill is dating a 32-year-old who has her own money, has experience working in television as a producer, and has powerful connections (her father is a Hollyweird exec). I mention him because he's the first gigachad that comes to mind that isn't dating the hottest and youngest woman he can find, even though he absolutely can. He seems to value intellect and experience more, but obviously looks and her being younger is still important. These men can get sex at any time and it's risky trying to mold a 20 year who could end up rejecting their teachings and waste their time. It makes sense that a successful man would think strategically about dating. I'm not saying women should date the top 10% of men or squander our youth, but that high quality men demand more than just youth, a pretty face/body, and good attitude. This gives hope to the women who may not be as attractive or young as other women but bring a lot to the table. Maybe this is obvious to you, but I never realized this until now.",,68,Gerryrigfig,2023-08-09 10:03:27 RedPillWomen,15lwubm,Advice with dealing with a jaded man…?,"Hi everyone, I’ve been dating a man for the past month going on two now. We talk often about what we are looking for and we’re on the same page about wanting marriage and kids. He is going through a divorce (I know, I know) and has filed but this marriage did a number on him. He was hoping to get a supportive wife and a big family with her but he says she was more focused on undermining him. They live separately now and their divorce should be finalized in six months. In the meantime whenever I talk about wanting to be a mom he lets me know it’s a serious job, and how my body and mind could possibly change for the worse after the pregnancy because it happened to his ex wife (she doesn’t seem to have any attachment to her child), etc. I understand he is trying to prepare me but it also feels like he isn’t sure about me, has doubts, or isn’t sure if he wants more kids…I don’t know. Am I thinking about this wrong? I can’t really prove him right or wrong without getting pregnant so I’m not sure how to deal with this situation if it happens again although this is our second having this conversation. Please help and thank you! Edit: if it helps, we are holding off physical intimacy until we are sure about each other and he told me he loves me. I haven’t said it back yet and when I asked him about his declaration of love he agreed it was early but he had a wonderful time with me so it slipped however we should circle back in a month.",,9,chrissycash,2023-08-08 22:37:39 RedPillWomen,15lka6z,"Entitlement, Tradition & What you Bring to the Table","There is a lot of traditional underpinnings in Red Pill Women, but it has been stated again and again that RPW isn't Trad. There is an aspect that has been lost quite a bit lately which is *understanding the terrain*. Any question that is asked about modern dating, comes back with a resoundingly traditional bent. Unfortunately, we do not live in a traditional society. The expectations in the dating market, even with the most traditional of couples, will be a blend of ""trad values"" and their modern upbringing. We need to do a better job of understanding where men are coming from and their perspective. You might find a stellar man with a great career who is never going to pay on the first date because he is tired of women using him for food. If you throw away all men who refuse to pay on the first date because they ""aren't traditional"" you might miss a really great catch. This applies to more aspects than just food so insert your favorite quandary of the modern markets here. Do you understand men's perspective enough to make a reasoned decision on a man by man basis? Or do you have a blanket ""rule"" that stems from your own beliefs of how things *should be* and to hell with how things *actually are*. And this goes into the relationship and marriage too. Learning how his brain works and where he is coming from will only help you to build a happy fulfilling relationship. Are you able to see his side *even if you don't agree*? Do you know what aspects of a relationship are important to him? As I say to my kiddo ""Everything isn't about you"". We rephrase that on RPW to ""What do you bring to the table"". It's great that you want to have your dates paid in full by the man, what do you bring to the table that makes it worth it. Are you offering more than the other cute women who are your competition? And to caveat for the doormats and feminist among you (opposite ends of the spectrum but the same caveat is necessary): *Of course* what you want matters. Men want us to be happy and giving up ourselves to please a man is not the road to happiness (unless you are into that, but also, yeah even if you ARE into that). Respect your values, your desires, your thoughts, time and goals. But also respect his.",,29,Deliaallmylife,2023-08-08 14:47:08 RedPillWomen,15lzk44,Finding female mentors,"What's some ways to find suitable female mentors? I unfortunately don't have any in my immediate family. What should I look for in a mentor? How do I approach being mentored?",,2,Redlimetree,2023-08-09 00:28:35 RedPillWomen,15lr5eu,Red Pill for couples who decide not to procreate,"I can understand how a man’s financial contribution and provider mentality becomes imperative when starting a family with kids. Naturally since women can play a better domestic role in taking care of the household and the kids. I want to know the sub’s suggestion on how couples who decide never to have kids can still follow traditional values and live up to their gender roles. Should men still be the bigger provider? What roles can women take up to delve into their femininity while still holding their own and bringing something to the table?",,2,Global_Moose_1991,2023-08-08 19:04:58 RedPillWomen,15liq9d,Who takes Precedence when it comes to Time?,Whose Appointments/Plans (not Work related) take precedence in your Household? I always stepped back for my Husband. But ever since he cheated I see my time as valuable and do not take him making me loose time kindly. He is slowly rebuilding my trust in him and our relationship is improving. I implemented a wall Calendar-Whitheboard. If he puts his plans on there I respect it. If he does not - tough luck. And the most important rule is: A Failure in planning does not constitute an emergency in mine. ,,0,MassiveGround,2023-08-08 13:47:15 RedPillWomen,15lsl0x,My Husband (43) of 7 Years Won't Remind me of Things I (43) Said I'd do,"My husband has a view that if, say, our daughter spills something by mistake and I forget to clean it, he'll do it and not tell me it was awry. He says it's because nobody is perfect and unnecessary criticism doesn't belong in a harmonious family. I grew up in a family where my mother would assign chores to the children and hold us responsible for getting them done. If I didn't do the dishes, for example, they would sit in the sink, dirty, until I did them. I came through the door, took off my sandals, didn't put them on the shoe rack (my mistake). He came home later, and put said sandals onto the shoe rack. When I couldn't find them when I ran out to Tesco, I asked him if he'd seen them. > I put them on the shoe rack. Guess I forgot to tell you, I'm sorry It would be nice if he communicated more, but I'm appreciative of his view on unnecessary criticisms. Any thoughts?",,0,LiteratureOk7716,2023-08-08 19:58:24 RedPillWomen,15jrbiy,Is it bad that my boyfriend is a bit younger than me ?,"I (21f) am a year and a half older than my boyfriend (19m). We met in school. It was possible because I had to redo a year since I was sick and couldn’t attend school for months, and because he skipped a year of school because he is very smart. We love each other and we don’t feel any difference in maturity, I would honestly say he is more mature than I am. However, his family is very traditional and as much as they like me, they don’t like this age gap and think it is unnatural for a man to date someone older. The fact that my birthday had passed when I first met them definitely didn’t help since it made it seem like we were 2 years appart. They also still see him as a baby even though he is starting his 3rd year of uni. I’m also scared of how this age gap and his family’s comments could prevent him from leading our relationship. I don’t want him to feel inadequate or like a teenager. I see him doubting himself or making choices based on how “childish” he supposedly is. Is it really that bad ? And what could I do to show him that I need him to lead us confidently ?",,19,MrsDarcy94000,2023-08-06 14:43:03 RedPillWomen,15jj6p5,Wanting my ex back- I was the toxic one,"So there’s a lot that’s come up for me and I would so appreciate any and all advice. I’m single and 28 yo woman. I see now that in the past with my ex bf (we were together from 16-24) that I was negative bitchy and controlling yet also not very feminine and fun. Sure, I was submissive in the bedroom but beyond that I added little value to his life. No wonder we didn’t work out. Thing is, I really want to have his kids. I want him to be my husband. No other guy feels right. They’re just… such a turn off to me. My ex theres just something abt him and I feel safe and protected and like just, alright. I want to submit to him. I don’t trust any other guy. I don’t want to trust any other guy. So I’ve worked on making myself better, happier etc and I see now I’ve been kinda the one who needs to get their stuff together. I truly want to be a good wife a good mom and raise a strong family. No blame however, I have some major hurdles to overcome as my mom showed a terrible awful example. She immasculated my dad, he cheated on her after nearly 30 years of marriage and to this day hates her guts. He’s since remarried to a very normal what I consider good woman, and my whole attitude on their divorce changed. I’ve done therapy quit drugs learned how to make myself happy. I’m not in the best place (happiness wise, but I know what I can do to improve) I don’t want to be a girl boss, I wanna be a mom and a wife to my ex. Anyways, I’m seeking any and all advice on how I can continue to better myself. How can I be of value? What skills should I focus on? What books are good go tos? Thank you and glad this community exists !",,24,christy0717,2023-08-06 07:19:24 RedPillWomen,15k1u9k,"Any christian ""redpill"" books destined to women?","Any christian ""redpill"" books destined to women?",,1,loyal0fficer,2023-08-06 21:54:43 RedPillWomen,15ig6i6,I cooked dinner,"I’ve been seeing a guy a minimum of twice a week, sometimes more when his schedule allows for it and I finally cooked for him after a month of dating. He owns a cocktail lounge and he apparently told everyone he was getting a home cooked meal tonight. All the men asked what I cooked. I made salmon with a soy and honey sauce along with diced avocados. I’m not sure if I should be flattered or embarrassed but my guy loved it so I’m happy 😊",,67,chrissycash,2023-08-04 23:57:28 RedPillWomen,15i3lyp,What would the “Surrendered Wife” approach be to husband’s excessive porn use?,"I read Doyle early on in our marriage (we’re 28F and 47M) and was so excited to be in that kind of marriage. I’m a SAHM and we have 2 babies under 2. I do 100% of the cooking and cleaning. He spoils me financially and in our lives, always picking up projects to make me happy and make my dreams come true. He’s extremely affectionate and compliments me often, loves to cuddle and spend time together. From the time I got pregnant with my first, sex has been an issue. I just never felt desired and would be frequently turned down. He’s loving and treats me like his queen in most ways, except in the bedroom. I could walk into the room naked and he wouldn’t even glance up. He doesn’t try to remove my clothes during sex and has almost never touched my breasts/genitals/butt etc in a way indicating that he’s attracted to me. I’ve surprised him with his favorite fantasy roleplay costumes, I’ve offered him head EVERY morning, I’ve done romantic bubble bath massage things and he just goes to sleep, I’ve tried texting nudes.. If you name it I’ve tried it. Basically the only times he’s been excited about sex has been trying to conceive. I swallowed this because he always said it was stress, work, aging, tired, busy, depressed, something different every time. I thought maybe it was age and didn’t want to be the younger partner blaming him. Then I found the porn. And I scrolled back and it all made sense. Almost every day going back months and years he’s been watching porn and I had no idea. Watching while I slept, while I took care of the babies, while he was supposedly working in his home office. Watching extremely skinny and perfect girls. Watching girls who look younger than me and like they’ve never had babies. I was fucking crushed and we fought for months. I read a ton about porn addiction and sent him all the studies. I begged him to cool it. I told him I would be available and enthusiastic any time possible, I would focus all my efforts on weight loss and fitness, get whatever hairstyle or a tummy tuck or boob job or whatever it is he needs to want me instead but it WILL NOT WORK if he’s desensitizing his brain with infinite novelty every day. I told him I will do my part but he has to do his. We had a few false starts where he talked about stopping but didn’t explicitly promise and I’d find he never stopped, and he’d weasel out of it - say he didn’t realize I wanted him to, or he just forgot and clicked on it out of habit without realizing it or didn’t think it counted if he was just using it to get to sleep while he was on a business trip and I wasn’t there anyway, or he just watched it to get ideas of things to try with me and wasn’t getting turned on by it, etc. So I finally cornered him and got it explicitly in writing - no porn for 1 month, whatsoever, while we work on our sex life. He promised, in writing. I checked today and looks like he made it 7 days before caving. I didn’t tell him I knew, just asked how the no porn was going and he said great. Btw, he’s making an effort with flowers and compliments but in terms of feeling him want me, the sex has not improved. Clearly my attempts are failing. I don’t want to be the porn police or try to control him. I want to go back to the beginning and win him over softly. I’ve tried SHOWERING him in affection, pampering him, being super fun and getting us out doing things, offering as much new and exciting sex as I can fit into our day utilizing babysitters and sleep training and screen time, but it doesn’t seem to be working. For instance, when he told me he was into the anime cosplay look I surprised him dressed up that way and even watched the specific videos he had watched even though it was painful so I could try to do the expressions/sounds etc he likes - literally with a 1 year old and 2 month old I made time to shave, moisturize, self tan, dress up, do makeup and hair, get everyone to nap at the same time — what ended up happening was that he didn’t finish, and hours later was on the ipad watching anime cosplay porn. Like wtf. Following his lead here scares me so badly but taking charge doesn’t seem to be working either. I vetted him well and read Fascinating Womanhood and Surrendered Wife and Empowered Wife all early and I just don’t know where to go from here.",,80,[deleted],2023-08-04 15:47:38 RedPillWomen,15i67fp,Agree or disagree? Women peak earlier than men.,"For some anecdotal context, I met my husband right before my 22nd birthday, when he was 35. We got married within the year, and both felt like we were in our “prime”. I’m just curious to hear y’all’s thoughts on when you think men and women peak, and if it’s different.",,17,GrouchyResolution974,2023-08-04 17:26:23 RedPillWomen,15i4jhq,Feeling Lost and Seeking Help,"My husband and I have been married almost 5 years. We have two beautiful boys ages 4 years and 18 months. We strive for a very traditional marriage but I'm noticing that our conflict resolution skills are not very strong when adversity arrives. We had an argument the last few days about possible childcare and we're both feeling a lack of trust from the other and there's quite a lot of hurt feelings. To be brief, our oldest child is special needs and I was suggesting a parents morning out program 2x a week for our youngest to give me a break during my other child's therapies. Otherwise there is no time that I'm not caring for at least one child at any given time. We don't have family support anywhere nearby either. My husband was not at all comfortable with putting our son in a daycare setting, emphasized how important the 1 on 1 time with mom would be for him, and the hurtful comments came from him saying that me getting a break wasn't a ""need"" but a ""want"" and that want is less important than what's good for our children. I felt very infantilized and petulant for telling him I needed a rest. I told him I wasn't feeling very heard or understood and at one point he said to me ""What can I do to make you feel heard without you getting your way?"" which enraged me a lot, suddenly the issue wasn't what was best for our family but not ""caving"" on my demands. He heavily implied that he knows what I need more than I do which just seems absurd to me, I have no history of mental illness or being consistently unreasonable. My husband has always been a very involved father, loving and supportive of me being a SAHM, and a wonderful provider. In this moment I felt incredibly vulnerable like my wishes weren't being respected at all. He's upset because I'm only willing to have him lead the family when it's convenient to me. I felt like I suddenly had zero agency. I eventually suggested we reach out to babysitters to come watch my youngest a couple hours in the morning so I could get that rest. He was open to this and said he's very content with the agreement we reached, but has been very clear that he doesn't see this as a ""compromise"" as if that's some dirty word. I'm feeling very lost because I think collaboration is so important and I think we can be equals while still having dynamic roles in our marriage with him as the captain and me as the first mate. He said he doesn't feel like he has my trust or respect anymore, but I feel like he was not considerate to my requests or feelings. He wasn't the one to think of any alternatives to daycare, that all fell on me to suggest alternatives. In truth I don't trust him to lead and purely agree with his decisions when it feels like he's not seeing any bigger pictures. We've reached a solution for what to do to give me breaks but now he's very clearly wounded by my lack of support for his decisions, he refused to show any physical affection the last two days when I asked to cuddle or hug. I feel deserving of acknowledgement or apology for him trying to invalidate my feelings. It feels like we're standing on two sides of a river right now and I would love redpilled advice on how to proceed. &#x200B; Thank you!",,8,Fayve27,2023-08-04 16:22:27 RedPillWomen,15hdfci,Feminist Family Members,"Hello - I’m looking for advice. I have several close family members who would be considered feminists. I am new to the Red Pill community, but have been trying to implement some philosophies in my relationship. I am also much more conservative politically. I’m struggling with how to handle family members who have no problem voicing their opinion about certain matters, when it wasn’t brought up originally. My mother will say things like - we are living in the Handmade’s Tale, speaking out about the patriarchy and male privilege (aimed directly at my husband), we have friends in UAE, and has now spoken about how she doesn’t like how that culture treats women (which i have never felt unfairly treated). It’s tough because these are people close to me - my mom, grandma, sister, etc. My husband is rightfully frustrated and fed up. He is asking my opinion on what we should do, and I am very passive so I have a hard time wanting to do anything but complain! I just was wondering if you all had any advice on this, I know it’s not technically relationship related, but wondering how you handled close family relationships not aligning with your marital relationship. I do not want this to cause marital issues, so looking for some outside help. Thank you!!",,8,Fair_Farmer_236,2023-08-03 19:27:56 RedPillWomen,15glx2h,Lurker who just started reading The Surrendered Wife here,"And I just wanted to say, thank you. It's kinda funny, I got to the paragraph on not correcting him on mistakes, and the freeway exit example made me realize that as a child I saw a Law and Order episode that was obviously making fun of this book! I believe it's called Surrender Dorothy, and even at the time I remember the female lawyers reactions to a seemingly happy, loving couple was so baffling to me. I just thought that was an interesting buried memory; and I wonder what poor Laura Doyle thought of that episode, because her counterpart in it is a man suspected of terrible stuff. It's almost like they changed the gender because they just couldn't wrap their heads around a woman writing anything other than ""you don't need no man"" girl-power? Anyway, this book has already grabbed me and beat ideas into my head that I've known but... didn't internalize. If anyone here is struggling with submission, trust, or being secure in their marriage/selves, you NEED to read this book.",,27,Former_Grapefruit326,2023-08-02 22:22:01 RedPillWomen,15fxq1e,Evolution Happens Quickly,"I was watching [this video by Prof Edward Dutton (The Jolly Heretic)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=id5VStbqa10) and he highlighted an article by Peter Frost, a Canadian anthropologist, that argued evolution continued and *accelerated* outside of the hunter-gatherer environment. At the various RP subs we spend a lot of time reading, talking about, and theorising over various conclusions from evolutionary psychology. It's even in the sidebar: >All theories and conversations spring from a traditional, evolutionary psychology, or anti-feminist foundation. Surely the move from caveman-appeal (strength, aggression) to city-dweller-appeal (social tact, intelligence) would have a huge effect on mate preferences and hence any resulting evolutionary psychology theories? The first thing that springs to mind is the Alpha Fucks/Beta Bucks dichotomy - where it is assumed that women are simply not sexually interested in anything but the top 20% of men, and moreover, a specific *type* of man (the caveman appeal). But from reading the variety of women's preferences here, I've seen many statements, such as (paraphrasing): * ""I am intimidated by muscly men and prefer a skinnier build on a man"" * ""I prefer a greater beta to an alpha"" * ""I think men that sleep around are disgusting"" All of which show a preference for Beta traits... Could this be explained by the move from nomadic tribes to cities? Would like to hear your thoughts. Are there any other theories that could be challenged?",,11,CountTheBees,2023-08-02 03:37:12 RedPillWomen,15foxiz,Cold Recipes Needed Please!,"Hello ladies! I (26f) live with my boyfriend of 2+ years (25m). He is a hard-working provider working towards securing a good future for us. Unfortunately, this means he works long hours most days (I'm talking 60 -75 hours a week). I accept this and want to help him as much as possible to make his life as easy as possible while he is in the hard phase. This brings me to my question. I've noticed he is often too busy to make food for himself and often eats out. This isn't ideal as he wants to save money and prioritize his health. I've started making him meals to take with him on his long work days, and he really appreciates it. He can only have food that is good to be eaten after being refrigerated or, as is, since he does not have access to a microwave while working. I've made him pasta salad, tuna salad, and egg salad. (Usually with homemade bread that I make that he loves). What are some other good cold or as-is recipes that I can make for him? I'm drawing a blank. And while he loves the things I've made so far, I don't want to only rotate between those and him get sick of it. Please leave recipes/links/suggestions in the comments if you have any. Thank you so much!",,9,AmilliBee,2023-08-01 21:10:29 RedPillWomen,15fejfo,How to bounce back from insecure moments?,"I’m in a super healthy, loving partnership where I feel taken care of/happy in every category. My partner and I have never had any issues not relating to miscommunication (aka, we are value aligned and don’t have nasty fights). Our relationship has progressed at the pace I wanted. He has never made me second guess that I am his life partner. However, I find myself getting insecure. It’s dumb, because I have no reason too. I am an impressive woman, with a great career, hobbies and am well liked by (I think?) most everyone we meet/interact with. I take great care of myself. He has validated how great of a person I am. I’m not the snooping, accusatory insecure type. I’m more the imagine every worst case scenario, get sad and beat myself up for doing it. It’s a weirdly vicious cycle. I wasn’t like this at the beginning of our relationship. It randomly bubbled up 6-8 months in. Last night it reared its ugly head again. We were at a sex store and I found a toy that seemed fun and showed him (we are very sexual people who go to these shops often together). He INSISTED that we had done that before. After politely telling him we hadn’t, he then painted the picture of when “we did it” and how he didn’t like it. I again brushed him off and told him it was someone else. He insisted again, I said that again and we moved on. I didn’t though. I felt so hurt and insecure that our sex life was blurred together by this. Rationally, I totally get how this could happen. But emotionally, it felt like a small punch to the gut. I communicated my feelings when we got home in a non accusatory way, as I felt more embarrassed I let that affect me in any way. I thought I’d wake up and feel better, but I’m still feeling insecure. I have such a hard time moving on from these things. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does I feel stuck in these emotions for longer than appropriate. Any tips on this? I feel crazy.",,13,shesadumbdumb,2023-08-01 14:41:56 RedPillWomen,15ew28y,Anyone have any fool-proof/ go to recipes they swear by?,"I love baking but i don’t do it often because I have enough issues maintaining my weight as is 😂. My go-to impress recipe is Bon Appetit’s best chocolate chip cookie recipe. It’s made with browned butter and topped with sea salt and they are so good. I made them for a man I’m seeing to take to work and I’m told I’m known as the ‘woman who made the amazing cookies’. 🥰 he’s brought it up 5 times since I’ve made them so I think he was genuinely happy with them. I’d love more crowed-pleasing recipes any has as a go-to to impress. Here is the bon appétit recipe : https://www.bonappetit.com/recipe/bas-best-chocolate-chip-cookies",,22,gottathrowitaway555,2023-07-31 23:46:48 RedPillWomen,15eqosh,How do women help men grow?,"In what way and with what tools is a woman able to help a man grow? Is she supposed to inspire growth at all? (I am not talking about mothering him) How have you inspired your man to grow into husband material?",,41,AppropriateEbb5556,2023-07-31 20:12:40 RedPillWomen,15epxkg,Field Report: Small Successes,"Hello everyone! I have been reading this sub for a while but am fairly new to practicing many of its techniques. I wanted to share a bit of an update from my last post asking for advice, and also some encouragement to other women starting out! About me: 30F, employed and in education, religious, minimal dating experience, decent cooking/cleaning/housekeeping skills, average looks (more cute than hot), overweight and working on it. Some self improvements I have made before and while reading RPW: - lost over 40 lbs and counting - regular strength training - skincare routine - engage in interesting hobbies - putting more effort into friends with similar goals, and spending less time with negative people and bad influences. - volunteering, getting more involved in my religious and professional communities - working on networking and education for a career that’s in alignment with my family/marriage goals - made an effort to dress more feminine and flattering to my body shape (most of the time) - smiling at everyone, every time I think of it - practicing homemaking skills in my own space. I was surprised at how taking time to decorate and organize made me feel more feminine! - talking to men more, at work, church, etc. to build my confidence with them - made a point of always expressing gratitude for good things in my life, especially when I can thank someone directly - started praising men in my life who expressed good character traits rather than bashing ones with bad characters. - when I’m talking to guys, and just in general, I try to listen more than I talk and let go of my desire to keep the conversation going and keep them laughing at my jokes. Turns out, the best way to make someone think I’m interesting is to let them talk about themselves. How has this helped me? - Recognizing and appreciating my femininity - feeling more positive towards men and people in general - being open to flirting and dates from men who I previously would have rejected before they could reject me - getting occasional compliments from strangers. The other day an older man at the grocery store said “you look nice” and instead of getting flustered or assuming he was a creep, I could just smile and say “thank you!” It made my day! - I’ve noticed men in general are more receptive to me since I’ve made an effort to be more friendly and feminine. Not just romantically, but like strangers smiling back when I smile at them, offering to help me with luggage in overhead bins, or holding the door. - I’m a lot less intimidated by men. I can talk to make colleagues about their hobbies, ask them about their day, and so on almost as comfortably as with other women. I still get a little nervous/excited when talking to a man I like, but I don’t get so flustered I can’t hold a conversation. Most importantly, I have gone on a couple dates where we both had fun, and I am talking to a guy who seems to align with my values and is interested in me! 2 years ago, I was obese, unemployed, lonely, and miserable. Today I am working towards a healthy weight, employed, surrounded by friends and community, and excited about my future. My point in writing all this is that if you are just seeing RPW for the first time and feeling overwhelmed with all the changes you’ll have to make, or you feel it won’t work for you, give it a try! Take it one day and one step at a time. The first step is to step out of a victim mindset and focus on what you can change. I am an average woman- not super young, rich, or strikingly beautiful. But I can improve myself and develop skills that hopefully will make me an ideal wife for a great man some day. And in the meantime, I can go through life with a friendly, positive attitude, treating others with kindness and respect, and be pleasantly surprised with how they often will have the same energy for me.",,31,Mighty_Wombat42,2023-07-31 19:44:05 RedPillWomen,15dm6vu,Surrender,"I wrote the below in my journal this morning, but thought I would share in case anyone has comments or reflections (or critiques). ""Living in this way, not questioning or criticizing or trying to control my loved ones, not pushing my own agenda through the household all the time, is an exercise in living better. Living with less fear and anxiety. Living in a state of graceful acceptance and trust. Accepting what I cannot change and accepting that I cannot know the future. Trusting that all will be well, no matter what. It means relinquishing the idea that I know best and that I must forcefully impose my will upon the world around me to keep the chaos at bay. It is an exercise in humility: in humbly accepting that I am not actually in charge of anything except my own behavior. Living this way makes me a better person, helps me live a better life, and helps me bring a more loving and supportive energy into the world, hopefully to all I encounter. Perhaps with my husband it's a two-step process: first ceasing and desisting all attempts to control. Second, getting out of the way of his masculine energy and inbuilt drive to protect and provide. Allowing and encouraging him to step into those ways of being. Embracing the masculine and feminine energies we bring and the ways in which they swirl together to make a whole. I do want to be taken care of and looked out for and supported and cherished and loved. I want his protection when I am in danger or vulnerable or afraid. And- I want to ensure that he sees my confidence in him, my admiration for him, and my respect for him, and that he takes those things out into the world, so that he can be his best self as well.""",,46,lifelonglistener,2023-07-30 13:53:47 RedPillWomen,15dpn96,inspiring guys to step up more,"I just watched this video and while I don’t really agree with some things she says I think there is some good advice esp at minute 14:07, lmk what you guys think though :) https://youtu.be/wtqK662eYpA",,11,goldaline777,2023-07-30 16:23:53 RedPillWomen,15devxd,Has this sub become more feminist over time?,"I've been going over a lot of older archived RPW's stuff and it seems like this sub has become more feminist over time. Like I've found 5+ year old posts where women wholeheartedly agreed that women have ""rights without responsibilities"" and that women *don't* deserve certain legal rights because we didn't earn them. But if you said on RPW today ""women shouldn't be allowed to vote because they don't have to sign up for the draft"" or ""women shouldn't be allowed in big business, policing, or politics"" I doubt most here would agree with that even though just 5-10 years ago that would have generated a lot of support.",,26,Alert-Alfalfa99,2023-07-30 07:01:46 RedPillWomen,15dlikk,Tips on rebuilding trust and respect?,"Hello ladies, I hope you are all doing well! I'll try not to ramble and any advice would be appreciated. Background: my boyfriend (28M) and I (20F) have been together for 2 years now. We've had quite a few struggles but he's always been adamant that we should work through them. He is very much redpill oriented/ conservative while I really wasn't when we first met. However, instead of wanting to go our separate ways, he encouraged me to change as he explained I was simply a bit young and hadn't grown up in the right way to have/ appreciate a more conservative lifestyle. Although reluctant at first, I think I've made good progress in adapting my views. I'm by no means perfect and it is a bit of a sore point in our relationship but something I'm still working on. And this sub has especially helped! Unfortunately, certain issues have caused us to lose trust in one another and as an extension, respect. At first it was him who really didn't trust me and despite trying to work through it, other situations have occurred that have also made me lose my trust in him. The way both of us have acted at times due to our lack of trust has lead to me feeling disrespected despite his assurances that he does respect me. And despite never outright saying it, I feel that there are times where he also feels disrespected. I've accepted that we might never trust or respect one another 100% again. And I think we could still make it work like that. But unfortunately I think that applies more to him than it does to me (ie. it would be okay for him to never trust or respect me fully again) due to set up of more redpill oriented relationships. He wants me to submit to him and his leadership which I've tried to do and am trying to do but I feel like I'm unable to because of my lack of trust in him. This makes sense to me, as how are you supposed to submit to someone and allow them to make decisions in your relationship's best interest if you don't trust them? I know I need to forgive him for past hurts and move on from this anger and resentment I feel in order to strengthen our relationship and make it work. But I am really struggling to do so. I don't know how to just 'let go' and trust or forgive. And there don't seem to be any specific relationship exercises that facilitate this. We've tried counselling almost a year ago now but it wasn't really helpful. Do you ladies have any advice on accepting, forgiving, trusting and moving on from past hurts? ",,4,West_Army_160,2023-07-30 13:22:29 RedPillWomen,15d4sw5,How can I accept the fact that I'm a whore?,"I've been avoiding men's RP content, but even still I'll come across content that talks about women being damaged and less valuable after casual sex, and I cannot help but be hit by massive waves of shame. I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and slap the shit out of my 16 year old whore self who gave it all up to a hookup. I hate myself and I wish I had my power back. But no I know I'm less desirable and will be rejected by men. I'm less capable of love and bonding. I am broken and I hate myself. I am a fat whore. I am a bad person.",,57,Weak_Remove7884,2023-07-29 22:26:18 RedPillWomen,15de1uv,Are insults normal in a relationship? Has it happened in your relationship? How did you navigate it? What is the cause?,,,6,[deleted],2023-07-30 06:12:19 RedPillWomen,15c2wdm,Am I supposed to always have sex with my boyfriend whenever he wants to?,"My sex drive is not as high as his. It’s pretty low in comparison. We’ve been struggling with mismatched libido our whole relationship. We’re both in therapy. I’m starting to feel guilty like I should be in the mood more often. He has made it clear that his priority isn’t sex, that he loves me and wants to be with me regardless of how much sex we have. But I feel guilty like we should be doing it more, I should be wanting it more.",,56,AquariusBear,2023-07-28 16:57:45 RedPillWomen,15c5gyy,What Is Your Opinion On 50/50 Relationships?,"I'm really curious on everyone's perspective in this sub. I've noticed a lot on Reddit whenever I see a question on the dating subs, when it comes to finances and relationships, most people here advocate for 50/50. And A LOT of hate towards anything traditional.I don't know why, I just feel like 50/50 doesn't work? And personally, is a huge turn off for me. I mean do women really like that? I'd like to hear more on your thoughts thank you in advance.",,41,Karlor_Gaylord_Cries,2023-07-28 18:38:50 RedPillWomen,15dah06,How to Win Back a HVW,"Hi Ladies. I've been a long time lurker looking for advice on my situation. I am 29 years old and have a son with my ex fiancee. We were together for around 3 years. I have been back on the dating market for awhile and have not been having much luck. I recently tried reconnecting with an ex and am looking for advice on how to possibly win him over. My ex and I dated on and off for a year and a half. We ended things when I met my ex fiancee. At the time my ex was establishing himself, but definitely a HVM. When I reached out to him recently he's doing very well for himself (has a great job earning in the top 5%, owns a home, etc). The only problem is he has a girlfriend. I inquired more about her and she apparently works and their household income is in the top 1%. I am not a high earner (I work a service job). I am very feminine, in good shape, and a great homemaker. Realistically, how can I leverage my feminine qualities to win my ex back?",,0,Slow-Relationship168,2023-07-30 03:00:08 RedPillWomen,15btfns,Is it justified to not trust a man because of lies and name calling/insults?,"Is it reasonable to not trust someone because of lies and insinuation that has been targeted at my self worth, and name calling and downgraded comments? Is it justified to not trust someone that is quite diliberate in causing harm than good? Is ending a relationship OK with someone you don't trust? (In these circumstances)",,6,[deleted],2023-07-28 10:18:12 RedPillWomen,15bk2bf,Subtle red flags for men?,"For me as a woman dating right now, there are little behaviors or quirks I see that make me discontinue the conversation or not even start it. For example, if somebody has ""no drama"" in their bio or too many emojis (just seems immature). I will sometimes stop talking if they text me too many times too quickly, or their topics of conversation have a consistent theme of judgementalism. Things like that. What's men's version of this list? There are some men I'm interested in that haven't lost interest, but I'm afraid might if I accidentally say something that would register as a red flag, and I want to be aware of what impact my actions and words have. What are some things high value men avoid in a woman, either first impressions or mid-talking? What's their subtle red flag list?",,9,Adorable-Bee-850,2023-07-28 01:47:50 RedPillWomen,15blnax,Skincare scenario,"Ok, I realize this is kind of a ridiculous question but I’ve never heard anyone talk about it and I’ve thought about it a few times. So I’ve been developing my skincare routine and I’m thinking of adding some more intense things like dermarolling and acids. What do you do if you’re doing this like before bed, and then your SO wants to have sex? Like you want to be enthusiastic and available (at least I do), and obviously if you just have some serums and moisturizer on like it probably won’t matter, you can just clean up and like maybe wash your face again. But what about if your skin is more fragile because of more intense treatments? I guess you could just say something like “be careful of my face tonight!” lol idk it also seems like it could be construed as a brush off like “oh I would totally love to get down but I have hundreds of micropunctures all over my face so I need to avoid any bacteria getting introduced.” Like even lots of kissing afterwards seems like it could be an irritant. Even like with using a retinoid like, do you just reapply if you happen to get sweaty or something? So has anyone actually dealt with this before? Do you have a system in place? Am I being paranoid lol",,3,InevitableKiwi5776,2023-07-28 03:05:08 RedPillWomen,15bht86,Looking to keep fit as a mom,"I’m not sure if this is the right group to ask this in, but I haven’t been on Reddit for long and I’m not familiar with many subreddits, so I’m asking here I’m 30, I have four children ages 7, 5, 3, and 1 and I’m very close to entering the overweight BMI range for the first time in my life. I care a lot about my body and my weight, but I just can’t figure out how to find the time or energy to get myself fit! I’m definitely snacking too much because I’m just always in the kitchen making food for the kids. I’m having a little success with cutting back there, so I’m hoping to establish good habits around eating soon, but I don’t know how to get more physical activity into my days! Does anyone have specific advice around this? How do you keep thin and fit when you are taking care of a large family?",,4,LindenBlossoms,2023-07-28 00:03:10 RedPillWomen,15ba9db,Money.,"Seeking advice. Second marriage, fairly new to the red pill way- but it's working really really well for my marriage! Where I'm struggling is in financial issues. Situation: I make a bit more than my husband and have saved about triple the amount he has for retirement. In general I am much more frugal than he is. He lives within his means but has expensive hobbies and didn't start saving for retirement until nearly middle age. Since we married a couple years ago this pattern has continued. I continue to be much more frugal than he is. We have our own separate accounts with most of our money, and one small joint account for common bills, so I don't have much visibility into exactly what's going on with his finances, but I know he's spent quite a bit in the last few months on his hobbies. If I asked for details or to know exactly how much he spent, he will feel like I don't trust him and that I'm trying to control him. After all, he's a grown man, a combat vet, and he has been taking care of himself for a long time. He's not going to go into debt or anything. But the more he spends, the more frugal I get- almost like I'm trying to make up for it. Then I start getting resentful because I'm denying myself the things I'd like, and he is not. When we retire we will be living off mostly off my savings. I love him and and I respect him and I want to be with him forever. He is upstanding and honorable and masculine, and he treats me so well. I hate that this is even cropping up for me, but I don't know how to address it and maintain this very loving and happy marriage that we've built.",,9,lifelonglistener,2023-07-27 19:00:54 RedPillWomen,15atco9,I feel so worthless because I’ve never been in a relationship,"I’m a 23 year old woman and have never even kissed a guy and have only been on 2 dates and feel so worthless because of it. All my friends have been in relationships but me. I feel like I’m just not the type of person people are romantically attracted to or I should just have zero standards and take whatever comes my way. My second date ever happened last week and I thought it went well bc he said we could do this again but ended up ghosting me. I feel like maybe I’m way uglier in person or I’m just off-putting or awkward or weird. I’m so shy and just feel so worthless and unlovable. I spent months building up my self esteem but now feel like it was all for nothing and that all the positive things I thought about myself were a lie. I feel so embarrassed to be at this age and have no romantic experience and to just no even have kissed anyone. I feel like everything about me is useless and don’t know what to do anymore. I just want to cry and never think positively about myself again bc I just end in disappointment.",,34,luna_sunflowers,2023-07-27 05:52:23 RedPillWomen,15as2h9,Professional heels for work?,"Are any of you fortunate enough to work somewhere where wearing heels in the workplace is commonplace, and where do you shop for your professional wardrobe, especially interested in your professional footwear wardrobe. I would ESPECIALLY love if somebody here or a few somebodies here knew of COMFORT BRANDS for this. I wear largely luxury comfort brands, and I'm aware it's a little harder to find heels that fit this mold, though they do exist (some unsuspecting ones, too!)",,6,seeminglyrandomqs,2023-07-27 04:42:41 RedPillWomen,15a4qzq,"Discussion: ""Wife Privileges""","I regularly see women here suggesting that you cannot give ""wife privileges"" before you are a wife or you will never get the ring. I am a firm believer that you need to [show him what you can do](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/qh9xsa/why_buy_the_cow_when_he_can_get_the_milk_for_free/) in order to get to the ring but I'm curious how other women went about dating their husbands. So question for the **married** ladies : What did your relationship look like before you got the ring? What did you do for him and what *didn't* you do for him? What wife privileges did you either gift or withhold? How long were you together? What did the living situation look like. Were there outside influences on your path? Etc etc etc *The general theme is ""What did you do to get the man to commit?* (I'll remember to answer this time)",,56,Deliaallmylife,2023-07-26 12:39:22 RedPillWomen,159swjw,Your 20s are so hard and weird.,22f and I’ve noticed how there are so many good things about this stage of life but there’s also a lot of weirdness and it sucks. One minute I’m happy and living my best life and then the next I feel like crying because I haven’t found “the one” and I don’t even have a prospect of one right now. I meet someone and we have a connection and then it ends up not working out and it takes me a long time to get over them. I have three close friends and 2 out of the 3 are in the same boat as I am which *does* help but I still compare myself to others and feel like I’m not enough for someone to make me his. I’m trying to be productive and use this time to get closer to God and work on myself but it seems so hard sometimes. My dad was 22 and my mom was 20 when they got married and it just freaks me out like I’m doing something wrong.,,38,[deleted],2023-07-26 02:25:42 RedPillWomen,159byc0,Good books for housewives?,"I'm looking for books on this subject or any kind of cozy/family type subjects. It could also be a fiction series or something like that, but something with good values. Or maybe some old fashioned housewife guide. I just got married recently and I really want to learn and do a good job.",,16,Morphiadz,2023-07-25 15:37:43 RedPillWomen,159kbe0,Memorabilia as decorations (premarriage),"Recently, my mom just gave me all my childhood memorabilia(a couple boxes). I have a basic Ikea furnished apartment. I only recently just started dating someone and it has me nervous about making my place look like a home. He has not been over yet. Do you ladies display your childhood achievements? Like trophies or milestone photos? Or is that weird and only something you do once you are established? ",,2,Consistent-Moose-302,2023-07-25 20:39:52 RedPillWomen,157otqc,Books like the surrendered wife but for men?,My partner and are choosing a book to read together and I want us to read one of Laura Doyles books together and another book that is more geared towards men. I think we could both learn a lot from it. Thank you!,,14,[deleted],2023-07-23 20:08:34 RedPillWomen,157efj4,How do you not get intimidated by super tall men,"Hi ladies. I am not exactly redpill, if anything I lean feminist but have the odd redpill view. But I'm still interested in your views. Going out with men who are 6'3 sounds good in theory, but in practice I found myself to be a little intimidated by them because of their height, to the point where I found it difficult to speak freely even and they noticed. I think it's an extra challenge when you're used to being tall yourself, feeling small is not something you are used to (I'm 5'7). And I'm talking about men who are attractive AND tall too, btw, men who you are interested in, men who are confident. I guess a part of me feels physically unsafe, as well as feeling insignificant because I'm smaller now. Have any of you ladies dealt with this before, and if so do you have any tips on how to keep your confidence/ speak freely? EDIT: I'm attracted to tall men which is why I date them.",,5,CyberTutu,2023-07-23 13:07:11 RedPillWomen,156ptqb,What did y'all think of the Barbie movie?,"SPOILERS . . . . . . . . . . . I thought that, with the Ken takeover, it was predicting the Redpill male backlash to feminism, but maybe that was me reading into it too much. I thought it was sad that Barbies had to rule in the end. I wish they could have come to an equal mode of government. Or, at the very least, stopped seeing Kens as inferior. I know it was supposed to be a commentary about ""positive masculinity"" but it didn't satisfy me personally. It was feminist but I still enjoyed it mostly.",,45,Weak_Remove7884,2023-07-22 17:19:48 RedPillWomen,1572z8m,A Book Recommendation RPW Should Pick Up,"When Men Behave Badly: The Hidden Roots of Sexual Deception, Harassment, and Assult By David M. Buss Has anyone read it? He cuts through the bullshit often spewed BY man and woman and offers reliable studies and explanations for why behavior is and the differences between our sexes; wants, desires, and our innate drivers rooted in our evolutionary genetics.",,7,DraftTrick9559,2023-07-23 02:48:52 RedPillWomen,156we5x,How to deal with when they have a fight/flight response to something that's not an argument?,"Hello So this is something that has been bothering me for a few days and I'm not sure quite how to deal with it. Last weekend, we were due to see each other. We don't live together and haven't seen each other a couple weeks now due to illness etc. My mother who I live with had asked why we weren't seeing each other again that weekend to which I replied about illness etc. Later on while texting SO I happen to relay this conversation to him, just saying my mother was asking why I wasn't over. He immediately gets defensive and goes into fight response, fires some comment back at me. I gently tell him I'm not looking to argue with him, I was just relaying really. I'm not sure how to handle and feel a bit vulnerable really . How can I navigate this conversation that I feel this way when he gets defensive? He has nothing to be defensive about, I'm not controlling, demanding etc. We don't tend to argue or anything so when this defensive stuff happens, I'm quite taken aback. I feel like oh he's not on my side if that makes sense. How would you handle this ? Thanks",,5,GlamGemini,2023-07-22 21:50:46 RedPillWomen,156xr8x,Whuch book is it with upstairs brain/ downstairs brain?,"Hello I know I've read this in a book before about men's upstairs brain and downstairs brain but cannot remember which book ? I'm thinking it's laura doyle or fascinating womanhood or something along those lines If anyone knows and can help, thank you ❤️",,2,GlamGemini,2023-07-22 22:47:46 RedPillWomen,155yr6o,Made to feel guilty for wanting to be a trad wife,"I (33F) am so burnt out from being a professional for the past 10 years. Finally got married a year ago and am ready to give up career to be a stay at home wife and mom (asap). My husband is supportive but I feel pressure from his mom (my MIL), my parents (who I support financially) and friends (who all happen to be professionals) to keep working full-time outside of the home. I am even considering a career switch as a middle ground - so I can work less or even remotely. Really feel sad living in this generation that basically expects women to be men (literal tears). Any advice or thoughts welcomed. ",,76,Ok_Perspective_8441,2023-07-21 20:11:40 RedPillWomen,155wrh5,FR: My Time in Nun Mode as a Teen,"For those unfamiliar with the term, ""nun mode"" is a period of celibacy, self-reflection, and self-improvement. Here's a [comment with more details and tips.](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/7lc7sl/specific_nun_mode_tips_or_experiences/drl7eo3?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) and a [post about why it can be helpful.](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/7j5g00/for_single_ladies_late_to_the_red_pill_part_ii/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Nun Mode Age: 17** **Nun Mode Duration: 1 year** ##What Brought Me To Nun Mode: In my late teens, I experienced some of the greatest failures of my young life to date: I can't go into too much detail, but I had a monumental academic failure that derailed my life track. I lost a lot of friends indirectly because of this. I also failed to turn down a nice guy I wasn't attracted to my junior year of highschool. We ""dated"" for a couple months. I ended things because I knew I was terrible for seeing someone I wasn't that excited about - there was another guy in my heart that I couldn't let go of. I was angry at myself for doing something I knew was a mistake *before I did it*. It felt like I was growing more immature with age. Luckily, shortly after these events, my family relocated. Homeschooling became the best way for me to finish high school. This time at home, away from my peers, ended up being one of my favorite years of my life. ##Celibacy: Spending this year without boys was big for me, I spent so much of my middle and high school years having little crushes. My nun mode marked a transition from juvenile love to dating with intention of marriage. I was always pretty dead set on getting married and having kids young. Taking this time away from high school boys put me in the right frame of mind to do it. I spent a lot of time pining after ""the one that got away"" during this year. I had displayed a lot of immaturity the year prior in my losing quest to win this guy's heart. It was good for me to be alone and reflect. After I turned 18, I start dating with a (mostly) healed heart. I had some good learning experiences, some not-so-good ones. After some years passed, I reached out to the boy I had fallen head over heels for in high school and we started to date. I give my time in nun mode a lot of credit for setting me down a good path. ##Self-reflection: I spent a lot of time with myself during this year. Sometimes I'd wake up and just lay in bed and sit with my thoughts for an hour or so. Other times I'd hang out in a very peaceful and beautiful place, like church, and let my mind wander. It led to a good sense of self. I enjoyed my own company. I thought a lot about what I wanted in life. I changed my career path to prioritize someday being a SAHM. I would Google things like ""what is the ideal wife"" and ""what do men want in a woman"". I took note of the answers. Most of my time was spent with people older than me, wiser than me, who had what I wanted in life. My family were/are people who want the best for me and who want me to be the best version of myself. The time I spent improving my familiar relationships has been a great benefit to me since, especially once I started having kids. ##Self-improvement: ####Improving Strengths: During this time, I started a new hobby from scratch (video-editing). Not only was this fun and fulfilling then, I've actually used this quite a bit since. Very cool. I also inproved upon one of my existing hobbies (jewelry-making) until I felt my skill went from hobbyist to semi-professional. This has not come in handy too much, but I can repair broken store-bought pieces and occasionally make handmade gifts. I read some interesting classic novels and short stories. Frankenstein, The Great Gatsby, and Rebecca come to mind, all of which I really liked. This kind of thing really expands one's mind without you even realizing it. I don't read as much lately, and I feel the loss of it. ####Mitigating Weaknesses: After my massive academic failure at 16, I knew I needed to make some changes. I had always been smart but had no idea how to study. I had never so much as opened a textbook.With homeschooling, I was 100% responsible for my education. It was all textbooks and online quizzes, which I loved. I needed to become disciplined for this to work, something I was aware I was sorely lacking, and I managed to step up to the plate. Years later, I'm still so grateful for this chance to succeed on my own terms. Discipline went from something I was embarrassed about, to something I can be proud of. I regularly research things I don't know and teach myself new skills. Being able to self-learn is an incredible gift. Sometimes my family could spit some pretty scathing remarks about my personality. I tried to take this to heart. It was important to me that my future husband **loved** being around me. I was willing to put in some work to make sure this was the case. Most notably, I can be stubborn and hot-tempered. Though it took a bit longer than just this one year of nun mode, I watched instinces of me being a big conflict-causing pain-in-the-butt drop from roughly once a month to closer to once a year. ##Summary: I spent one whole year with no boys and no drama. Just people who loved me, who wanted me to succeed in love and life, and who would give me sometimes brutal feedback about my personality flaws. I spent most of my time doing things I liked, exploring topics I was interested in, and reflecting on who I was and who I wanted to be. I rerouted my plans for college and career, worked part time, and saved up some money. ##Concluding My Nun Mode: If I could do it all over again...I would tell myself to learn how to vet. I wish I could've skipped the guy I dated at 18 and spent a second year in nun mode. A bad relationship set me back more than it helped me learn. If it's not a ""hell yes""... **Note:** I didn't make any SMV changes during this time. I did, however, drop 20 pounds about a year later. This did have a positive effect on my dating life as well as the RMV changes I made at 17.",,17,ArkNemesis00,2023-07-21 18:57:06 RedPillWomen,154t83p,Looking for positive and realistic portrayals of marriage!,"Hello! Does anybody know of any books/movies/memoirs/webpages/ANYTHING that talk about marriage in a realistic and healthy way, especially from older people? Personal accounts, not just broad overviews of marriage. Sometimes I get so exhausted thinking about what dating is like these days, seeing all the negative talk from men who just want to sleep around, excusing cheating, etc. I also just spent the week with my grandparents who I love dearly, but who do not have a healthy relationship, and the thought of that future makes me feel so jaded. I just want to hear personal stories about happy marriages. An older lady saying that yeah, her husband might leave his clothes lying around or get a bit of road rage, but it’s all worth it and marriage is a gift, not a curse. It feels way too hard to find things that portray marriage in a positive light these days, that don’t show men as incompetent and marriage as a burden. Note, nothing with cheaters! For some reason a bizarre amount of memoirs I’ve read lately from women involve them cheating (and/or using drugs) and then dismissing it as “a learning experience.” So yes, I’d love any positive, realistic portrayals of romance. If any of you ladies are willing to share about your marriages/husbands, I’d hugely appreciate that too! Thank you all for your time.",,19,Valuable_Place1265,2023-07-20 14:57:13 RedPillWomen,154qfnf,How can I be supportive to my husband without falling into the mothering territory?,"I've recently got married and I'm trying to figure out the dynamics with my husband. He is a wonderful man and I couldn't be happier with the way he treats me. However, I'm scared I'm spoiling him too much by being too supportive and it makes him less independent. We are both 24, together for 2 years and I moved last month from another country for him (I speak his language since 3 years and it's my 4th language I'm fluent in, he doesn't speak mine). I have been living on my own in my country and working for years while I finished my Master. He is also nearly done with his (still writing his thesis), but always lived with his parents and only had part-time jobs (like tutoring, cleaning, washing dishes etc., but he was always praised as a hard worker). In his country it's normal to live with your parents while studying, in mine it's not. Now we live with his parents, but we both are actively looking for jobs and an opportunity to move out. He is going through a stressful time right now (Master defence, extra programming courses and job interviews) and I try to be as supportive as possible, but I'm scared he has become too dependent on my help. For example, he sends me every job application he applies to, so that I can tell him if it's good enough, then he makes me sit with him to write motivation letters and it sometimes takes a whole day when we apply to a few offers. I'm happy he values my input so much, but I think at this point he would be able to do it himself. Another thing is that he is putting finishing touches on his thesis (in a field I have ZERO experience in), and he needs me to prove-read over and over again (while my input is only grammar-check and stylistic choices). He gets mad when I tell him I don't understand how I should help him and that I'm not able to provide anything insightful. His stance is that I should be involved in this, because my future depends on it too. I have tried to encourage him by saying that he is the smartest person I know and I believe that he knows best what he could do in this situation, but this doesn't soothe him as he is probably scared he will make a wrong choice that will impact us both. He is only like this with things he doesn't have a lot of experience in. When it comes to things he knows how to do, he is a great leader and support. This wears me out, because yes, I have experience in job search, taxes, university, leading a household and so on, but only in my own country. Now I'm placed into a completely new one, where he has the same idea about it as me despite being born and raised there. He doesn't know the laws, the rules, the taxes! I don't want to be the one translating my experience into a new situation over and over, because he hasn't learned it yet. And I don't want to be his mother that needs to supervise him so that he doesn't burn himself. I want to support him as his wife, but I don't know how to turn this dynamics around. Where does the wife territory end and mothering starts? I also don't want my husband to feel like I'm abandoning him and his ""most important task he will do in his life"" (as he calls the job search). My husband is very mindful and I know we can turn this around, but right now I don't really know how. (I've read all the Fascinating Womanhood books and The Surrendered Wife, but this books handle only the topics of a man who already has a job and is established. I would really appreciate book recommendations where topics of ""building everything together from the ground up"" are handled!)",,12,throwaway_260467,2023-07-20 13:06:25 RedPillWomen,154f0em,Dinner ideas for a first home cooked meal?,"Background: Me: 29F, him 26M, casually hanging out as “friends” in group settings and a few times alone. No romance yet but he’s indicated interest. He is coming over tomorrow for the second time. My strong suits are pasta dishes and casseroles/one pot meals but he seems like more of a meat and potatoes type of guy. Anything I cook has to be dairy free. I have a small crock pot, BBQ and a pressure cooker. I live in a food desert in rural Canada (one small grocery store) so nothing with any “exotic” ingredients. What can I cook him to wow him without knowing his food tastes? He will also be staying in my guest room overnight so I’d like to pack him a lunch for work, he usually gets take out.",,4,Affectionate-Yam6935,2023-07-20 02:56:26 RedPillWomen,153vctz,"As an Indian woman, it irks me to see most of my male indian role models are married to foreign women","Yesterday I saw that post about immigrant indian men in US and thought as a lurker(also one who lives in India) here I should tell something to y'all I am insecured about. I know I shouldn't, it's their personal choice but it still feels weird to see high SMV men of your country whom everyone look up to marry out idk why. I know a lot of them don't but once you notice it, it seems everywhere. Like our Indian cricket captain, hardik Pandya, famous cricketers like yuvraj singh (who hit 6 sixes in an over), irfan pathan, our football team captain, Sandesh jhingan, our hockey team captain Manpreet Singh, our best ever foreign affairs minister, dr s Jaishankar, noble winning economist Abhijit banerjee, famous politician pawan kalyan,famous youtubers like vikkstar,Dhruv rathee, sham sharma, prakhar ke pravachan etc these are just a few examples of very successful and capable indian men who are married to foreign women. Like even famous Indian freedom fighters like Subhash Chandra Bose, rashbehari bose, Kunwar brajesh singh (husband of Stalin's daughter) etc were married to foreign women. This is in no way means all high smv indian men marry out but if captains of top 3 sports of your country(cricket, football and field hockey here) was married out wouldn't it appear a little weird. The triggering part is my young brother looks upto them(that's how I came to know) and I know so many men in our country do for their leadership and achievements. I am passionate about my country and idolize those who contribute to it. It's just this thing triggers me so much.",,26,[deleted],2023-07-19 13:39:47 RedPillWomen,153x6g6,Food for though: What will you teach your children,"There was a post the other day about the ways in which you aren't traditional and there is quite a mix of women on the sub. It got me to thinking, what will you teach your children about relationships? Do you want them to take the same path? What aspects of RPW will you pass on. What is your hope for their future (and don't tell me ""their happiness"" because that goes without saying and evades the thought game). What is the best advice you will pass on. *Feel free to answer things that I didn't ask here. The questions are to get a discussion started on your future kids and your RPW beliefs*",,10,Deliaallmylife,2023-07-19 14:50:53 RedPillWomen,1541mod,Should I leave him?,"I (25f) have been sleeping with this guy for 5 months. He says he might make me his girlfriend if I get a social life, get a general life direction, and get more independence from my family. On the one hand, I know I need to get married by 30 so I need to either make it work with this guy or move on. The question is is it worth sticking around to try and get him to like me, or should I go into nun mode and move on? We also have different religions so idk how compatible we are. But he's still a really great guy and I don't want to lose him.",,0,Weak_Remove7884,2023-07-19 17:40:01 RedPillWomen,152zj19,Should I pick out his clothes?,"Next weekend my bf is meeting my parents. We will meet at a laid back public event. My bf asked me to pick out his clothes that day for a good impression. Should I listen to his request and risk making him feel controlled, or should I follow Laura Doyle who says don't give him advice even if he asks for it? Thanks. Update: Thanks for the responses! I was intrigued to see the range of opinions in the comments. Last night he randomly laid out his detailed timeline of proposal, marriage, and cohabitation. I was impressed by his leadership and touched by his sweetness! In addition, in recent weeks he has been paying for my groceries and nail appointments. Therefore I decided that on the day of meeting, I will take him to the shopping mall, he will pick his own clothes and I will buy. This is a gift back, and shopping can help him blow steam before the nervous meeting.",,22,flower_power_g1rl,2023-07-18 14:09:41 RedPillWomen,1530qm3,New to traditional relationships- having issues reading the signs.," I’m 29 just got out of a 7.5 year relationship with someone who refused to step up, was totally feminine, lacked ambition and had me doing everything. I feel like I am starting over and haven’t dated since I was 21…. I met a man (M36) at a bar/restaurant who approached me and my friend with his friend and him and I ended up hitting it off. We go to the same gym studios, he’s smart, educated, has a good job, stable, homeowner, generous, close with his mom, and kind. He’s been courting me about two dates a week for a 2.5 months now and we have really connected- I jokingly at dinner one night last week said ‘I think you want to be my boyfriend’ and he said yes, but we agreed he’ll ‘formally’ ask me with a gesture. This is the type of romance I’ve been wanting for years and years but I am so guarded that this is a show and something must be wrong. Im trying to navigate my anxiety and instincts. I’ve been let down so much in my previous relationship and I don’t want to put that pressure on to him. Does anyone have any insight on how to deal with anxiety through a dating process? He’s also a bad texter which logically I think is good because he is a busy man and has hobbies he indulges in as well, and when we are together he is very present and not on his phone- however he’s away for work and I’ve hardly heard from him and it immediately triggers my insecurities. Appreciate any advice and insight!",,12,gottathrowitaway555,2023-07-18 14:57:26 RedPillWomen,152u25a,Freedom from Vanity,"So I like to look good but I have never been in to putting in an hour to fix my hair and makeup every morning. I don't wear makeup but I try to dress well and I get my eyebrows done. When I look at women who do that kind of thing I admire their appearance and effort but I also think that they're kind of enslaved to vanity. I don't want to be judemental, I understand that it's every person's choice to decide how they present themselves to the world but I wonder if others share my perspective, women spend hours on their appearance does it ever feel like a burden? I feel grateful that I am free from feeling like I have to put effort into my appearance to be acceptable. I'm not Christian but it does make me think maybe there is some wisdom in vanity being a bad idea. Would love to hear thoughts from this community.",,8,ScienceCookie,2023-07-18 09:55:51 RedPillWomen,152ryy6,Femine perfume recommendations?,The ones you've received compliments by men,,8,GreenProfessional515,2023-07-18 07:56:36 RedPillWomen,152bvpb,7 Tips to Retain a Loving Relationship with Small Children," 1. Build Good Will Our partner is our greatest resource when pregnant or taking care of small children. The best way to get what you want is to see that your partner is looked after, then ask them directly for whatever it is you need. The simplest way to build good will is to appreciate anything and everything they do. Hell, if they appreciate you for something, you can thank them for noticing. We all want our partner to notice our efforts, no matter how small. And for many of us, knowing we'll be rewarded with praise is additional motivation to take on a new task. 2. Ask Him to Assist You, Not the Baby Caregiving is a skill, and like most skills, it feels easy and obvious when you know how to do it and daunting when you don't. Your partner *will* get comfortable with small children, but if you're the primary caregiver, you will gain experience and confidence significantly faster. Watching him fumble in crucial moments when you're at your wits end is a recipe for disaster. Ask him to help get **you** whatever **you** need, and let him build baby skills when times are good and you have the patience to walk him through it. Things will go more smoothly if he can get you that cup of coffee, as opposed to him watching the baby while you grab the caffeine. Note: for times this isn't applicable, like when you need a shower, walks with a baby carrier are fairly fool proof. 3. Give Choices When Requesting Help It's mutually enjoyable when I lay out what needs to be done and ask my husband to choose who does what. Asking questions like ""do you want to wrangle Thing 1 or Thing 2?"" lets us get on the same page without me feeling like I'm giving an order. Choices work the best when they seem ""real"", as in, they take roughly the same amount of time and effort to accomplish. Asking if he'd rather get you a glass or water or retile the roof can seem more like an attempt at manipulation than a genuine request for help. 4. Be Careful When Saying You Need More Having small children can be extremely time-consuming and draining. However, it's important to remember that there's a substantial difference between saying you need more, and saying he needs to do more. I've told my husband before that when I need help, I wish I didn't have to ask him because I know how hard he works. Both of us can feel like we're putting in a ton of effort, and everything still isn't getting done. To inspire that extra burst of energy in both of you, make sure your tone isn't accusatory. You want to nurture the feeling that the two of you are on the same team. He's far more likely to help if he can be the hero dad lifting up the family, than the loser dad who needs to step up. 5. Spent Your Time and Energy Wisely Every relationship needs effort. Due to how labor-intensive kids can be, you'll likely reduce the romantic gestures you do for your husband. Prioritize what has the greatest effect on his happiness for less effort. Consider his love languages and his favorite things you've done for him in the past. What do you have the energy for now? Planning a spontaneous, romantic weekend might be out of the question, but taking a few minutes to add one or two of his favorite treats to the shopping list can go a long way. 6. Intimate Touch is a Must There will be times when sex is off the table. Even for the smoothest of pregnancies, PIV will be advised against post birth until your OBGYN gives you the okay (and please be mindful if you break the six week guideline, as this is a period of hyper-fertility). I highly, highly encourage things like flirty touches, casual nudity, and intimacy outside of PIV sex. Something as simple as taking a few minutes to rub his back as he falls asleep at night can really help your partner feel cared for! My personal experience is that my husband's touch was an incredibly help to my self-esteem and happiness throughout the process. I can't overstate how worthwhile an investment I found this to be. 7. Dad's Night Off Something I've found really interesting is seeing how many parents fantisize about divorce simply because in a joint custody arrangement, they could get time to themselves where they weren't expected to care for the kids. It's so powerful to give your partner time to do whatever it is they want, without having to feel guilty. Once a week, my husband gets off work and has the rest of the night completely to himself. Adding a couple more hours as the solo parent to my plate doesn't cost me nearly as much as those few free hours give him. And getting to be around someone who's happy and appreciative afterwards is really, really pleasant. Anecdote: I didn't find negotiating personal time to be effective initially. When I first tried this approach, it seemed like my husband dreaded ""mommy time"" more than he enjoyed ""daddy time."" I became frustrated. We argued. When I dropped that idea and gave ""daddy time"" freely and happily, that worked better for us. Then, after a couple months or so, we had a discussion about ""mommy time"" and it went very well. We realized we could sandwich some in over his lunch hour, which worked better for both of us. I believe building up that good will mentioned in tip #1 culminated in us having more energy to work towards a better solution. And once he became comfortable handling ""mommy time"" on his own terms, it opened the door for us to trade free time. I still like to give him his own time unprompted, but it's nice to know I can now effectively get a break when I need one.",,57,ArkNemesis00,2023-07-17 19:45:43 RedPillWomen,1528tv2,How soon to cook?,"Hi everyone, Dating (five dates over two weeks) a new guy who is separated (he lives in one state and she in another) from his wife as he goes through a divorce. I’m divorced myself. He shares a four year old with his soon to be ex wife. We had some serious conversations about what we’re looking for in a relationship and we’re on the same page -marriage and children- so we agreed not to see anyone else, be exclusive. We haven’t been intimate yet because I want him to be divorced first. Given all this I’m feeling an overwhelming urge to cook for him especially since 1. He was super busy with his daughter last week and just got back from dropping her off after a one-hour drive going and coming back 2. He mentioned he wants a SAHW/M and his ex wife really dropped by the ball by not wanting to cook or do anything maternal…seems like a great way to score points with him 3. I really like him and he’s paid for everything including my car ride home along with being patient on physical intimacy so I’d like to do something nice for him We have plans to see each other tomorrow but I was contemplating making him a quick dinner tonight assuming he’s really tired from his drive this morning followed by work, hence this post. Let me know what you think!",,5,chrissycash,2023-07-17 17:49:53 RedPillWomen,151ms2s,How to Achieve a Feminine Aura,"I made a comment about this yesterday and one of the mods suggested that I elongate it into a full post, so here we are! I will start by saying that this is different than *looking* feminine. It's about making people feel a certain way when they're around you: exuding a soft, approachable, loving energy that will make people feel comfortable and happy when they're with you. &#x200B; 1. Posture, movement, and body language: This tends to get thrown into the ""looks"" category, but I don't think that's entirely accurate. There is a lot of positivity that comes with standing up straight with your shoulders back. There is also an energy that comes from choosing to look *up* (which creates a feeling of authority for who you are looking at) or *down* (creates the feeling of submission) at someone, rather than *at* them (which is very casual). Positioning of your body, your head, your hands, your legs... it all gives off a certain vibe. I suggest watching women you want to emulate, and noticing the way they move, they way they sit, the way they look at people. It's all very intentional. 2. A soft gaze: As they say, the eyes are the window into the soul. If you're running around scowling at everyone, making the angry eyes, you're gonna give off a very intimidating energy. If you have Resting Unhappy Face (like me), I really suggest watching [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AY4NWmcEZWk) to help with that. Looking at others with softness and friendliness will attract them to you. 3. Move slowly: Stop being in a hurry if you don't need to be. It's a hectic, demanding energy. Instead, consciously slow down. Walk slowly, speak slowly, eat slowly, etc. Obviously not to an extreme degree, but enough that you can ""smell the roses"". This instantly relaxes people, signaling that you enjoy being with them and that you're savoring the time together. 4. Smile: At the waiter, the person who cut you off in the grocery store, at your husband when he comes home. Smile at everyone, especially when it's hard to do. It really softens people to you, and it will help you a lot. The person who cut you off will be more likely to say sorry, the waiter will be more likely to help you if you have a problem, and your husband will be more happy to see you when he comes home. A simple smile will get you a lot further than you think it will. 5. Speak with grace: Be responsible with what you're saying, and how you say it, because it is the key to a soft touch. For example: you want your husband to fix a broken sink for you. Rather than bluntly going up to him and saying ""Hey, I need you to fix this sink this week"" you could come to him with a smile and say ""Hey, when you find some time this week, would you mind fixing the sink for me please?"" It's very easy to fall into blunt, direct speech with the men in our lives, because that is often how they speak, but it's not how we speak. Ask rather than demand, employ a soft touch, speak with a smile, and be understanding when the answer is no. 6. Do not let your emotions control you: Piggybacking off of the last point, you need to be able to control yourself when things are hard. You will inevitably get into conflict, and you need to know how to handle it with maturity. Nothing else on this list matters if when you're upset, you melt into a hysterical mess. This does not mean that you shouldn't feel your emotions or address them, it means that you should know how to do so without hurting others. If you have a problem with someone, calmly tell them that they hurt your feelings, why it hurt your feelings, a proposed solution, and the ability to compromise if your solution does not work. Don't bring up the past, don't call names, don't yell. Maintain control. 7. Be quick to laughter: Nobody likes the woman who takes herself so seriously that she can't laugh at anything. Life is ridiculous, and if you can't laugh at it you're gonna have a bad time, and so is everyone else around you. Find the humor in a bad situation. I told this story somewhere else recently, but I'll repeat it here because it's poignant: My husband recently got a new grill and promptly set the side of our house on fire. It wasn't a terrible fire and only did cosmetic damage, thankfully. My husband was understandably nervous to tell me about this, and was wildly apologetic about it. I responded by saying that he was meant to grill the food, not the house, and that we would work it out. My husband was beyond relieved that I could laugh about this and let it go. Not everything needs to be taken seriously, especially when you can't do anything to change it. People will be much more likely to come to you in hard situations if you can do that. 8. Be kind: There is very little genuine kindness left in the world, and when people come across it, they want more of it. This is different than being *nice*. Being nice can include telling a lie to save the feelings of another. That is not kindness. Kindness means doing the right thing, even when it's hard, as well as when it's easy. It means to be genuine. It can be a compliment, or a hard truth. But people will sense that sincerity, and they will flock around you for it. It will also repel people who you don't want in your life. &#x200B; All of that to say: be the light in the dark. That is the culmination of all of these traits. The world is full of pain, suffering, and darkness. Don't contribute to it. You are the hospital in the battlefield, the place people go to heal and to feel cared for. That is the core of femininity in my eyes. Pretty dresses and clear skin help, but the feminine soul is one of deep caring, respect, and healing. That is what will keep people around long after your skin is wrinkled and your hair is gray.",,52,[deleted],2023-07-17 00:39:13 RedPillWomen,151ssda,Women who love to wear dresses - what do you wear in the winter?,"I live somewhere cold where its winter for a great portion of the year and regular tights dont cut it when its far below 30F. We can get to -40F up here. Fleece tights wont cut it when its that cold. Ofc I can wear dresses with tights when its 20F and up but then what type of dresses? I feel like aregular sundress with tights would look odd. Thanks for your input!",,12,[deleted],2023-07-17 05:34:08 RedPillWomen,1517mcb,About tolerating abuse,"I just read a post from someone who's said that her family is very ""traditional"" and the man in her life ignores her needs wants and wishes.. and she asked if it will get better someday As the comments are blocked on the post I want to make my own post just to share my thoughts with you all We are part of this community to be the better version of ourselves. And give love and received love from our families friends and loves ones. You guys don't have to tolerate abuse or tolerate someone who's dismissed your needs, wishes, someone who's takes the importance of your life.. We try to improve here to have a partner who RESPECTS US and values us. Someone who can see all that you are and values your qualities. Please beautiful gals, do not stay in a bad place.. tolerating belittling and lack of respect, hoping that someday things magically will changed From the wisdom we learned here in our community we know, that easier to pick another man rather than try to ""change"" a man. And by change I mean the bad qualities not the good ones. Thanks for reading",,37,Direct-Ad-5394,2023-07-16 14:26:00 RedPillWomen,15176on,"Non-traditional women of RPW, what brings you here?","We get reminded from time to time that [tradcon is RPW, but RPW is not tradcon](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/mdr62i/tradcon_is_rpw_but_rpw_is_not_tradcon/). So, women who are not tradcon - what brings you here? What's different about your values/lifestyle and how is RPW still relevant to your life?",,23,_Pumpkin_Muffin,2023-07-16 14:07:34 RedPillWomen,15183pn,"""I want to work hard, so you can be my trophy wife!""","After telling me his work plans for the next year, my boyfriend said this to me! Huge win. I said, ""Yes! And what does that entail for you?"" He looked me up and down and said ""You are tall and healthy, and that is enough."" I asked him if I should wear heels to look taller, but he said ""No need, natural is best."" (I am a few cm taller than him). We are both from Asia but he is from East Asia which has a narrower beauty standard. But I am not really aware of the latest trends - could somebody help me with this? I want to add that we are deeply and healthily in love. I know he will never replace me with someone younger so long as I look nice enough and treat him right 'the RPW way'. He currently schedules and pays for my nail appointments, buys me gifts often, buys my groceries sometimes and he's been trying to cook all of my meals so long as I clean up after he cooks. He plans to propose 6 months later and get married within 1 year. Then, we will move to his home country. He says that when we move to his country, we should both act quiet and professional in public 'so people will wonder how he did it'. This is hard for me as usually I am bubbly and affectionate in public, I am afraid this embarrasses him in front of his friends. He said it is not embarrassing, but I need to practice being more respectful to him in public instead of flirty because this helps with keeping an image of a solid relationship. Anyway, I have one year to work on this. What other kinds of behaviors does a trophy wife embody? I am not from his home country, what can I do to gain respect and maturely deal with racist stereotypes? How can I deal with unwanted sexual attention, particularly in a foreign country? I am currently not open to getting fillers or plastic surgery. I know that in East Asia, looking overtly sexual is not a must to give off that 'trophy wife' vibe - rather it should be a successful and kind man with a woman who is cute to beautiful, carries herself elegantly and silently, with great ambition and a successful current or past career of her own. Who are the trophy wives of East Asia? What do they embody? Most importantly, what can I do during one year to prepare?",,10,flower_power_g1rl,2023-07-16 14:46:28 RedPillWomen,151c0p0,How to fix negative views of femininity?,"Hello! I was hoping for tips on changing my mindset around femininity. One of my biggest issues is getting angry when I feel dismissed or like I’m being patronized. Unfortunately, I think I’ve associated being girly with people not taking me seriously. Part of that stems from my hobbies (I do Muay Thai, not a feminine-friendly environment), and part of that is from school and family, where I got positive reinforcement from acting like ‘one of the guys’. I love being treated like a girl in relationships and I feel like I’ve gotten good at acting the part (I think), but at the same time I subconsciously resent being treated like a girl. I don’t know how to fix this. I want to be cherished and cared for the way I see women being cared for, but I also want to be taken seriously. Does anybody have any advice for changing my mindset or view of femininity as a weakness? Logically I know it isn’t, but it doesn’t feel that way to me. Edit: I want to be clear, I’m not at all trying to say femininity is a bad thing. I’m just really struggling to overcome my internal block, which I really want to do, so I can have the kind of positive relationship that I dream of. Thank you for your help!",,2,Latter-Cranberry4508,2023-07-16 17:26:59 RedPillWomen,151dlet,How to be More Mature,"I’m turning 31 in September, and am pregnant with our first baby. What are ways I can be more mature: physically, emotionally, personality wise, etc? Thank you!!",,1,Frosty-Editor1370,2023-07-16 18:29:17 RedPillWomen,150ywo0,Hyaluronidase,I am going to get my lips dissolved today. Is it safe?? I want my old face back but I’m scared of any long term side effects of dissolver,,4,IndustryMountain,2023-07-16 06:39:55 RedPillWomen,150jru5,How to become more feminine?,"Hey girls! I’m looking into doing things in the next couple of months to become more feminine. At the moment I have: - Had my nails done - Laminated my eyebrows - Had many laser hair removal sessions And I’m planning on: - Getting my hair redyed (it’s grown out a lot) - Pedicure & shellac - Working out regularly (already started this one!) - Maintaining my eyebrows - threading and brushing - Wearing makeup regularly - Improving the appearance of my lips through gloss/lipstick - Keeping my hair looking fresh and healthy - Continuing my laser hair removal treatments Just wondering if there’s anything else I could do? Open to any suggestions, bonus points if they’re cheap ☺️ (Edit: for context, I already have a boyfriend, so that’s not an issue - I just want to look more feminine. Grew up in a house where being feminine wasn’t allowed because it would attract men, so I want to tap into my feminine side more now.)",,9,squideye62,2023-07-15 18:49:49 RedPillWomen,150d6yf,Girly vs Feminine: A discussion,"I don't really have an answer to this. It's just something I have been thinking about and thought it would be fun to discuss. I think there is a difference in being girly and being feminine. I see lots of women who are girly, but don't know how to use their feminity. I think you can be girly AND feminine. (I'm an elder millennial who is losing her mind with joy about the current Barbie obsession so I am not special). However, to me feminity isn't the girly trappings we so enjoy. I think it's a mindset. I think true feminity is is pretty powerful if a woman knows how to use it. Thoughts? Opinions? Examples of why you agree or disagree?",,15,pieorstrudel5,2023-07-15 14:16:54 RedPillWomen,150aua0,Did anyone hear about Arab women affected by western lifestyle overseas. Families are collapsing?,A youtuber called the phillip scott show did a video on ladies divorcing men due to feminist ideaology. Several question: What are your thoughts on our culture and women? Do you agree with men going overseas to find wives? Just any thoughts at all would do,,5,Serious-Summer9378,2023-07-15 12:30:44 RedPillWomen,150h7g3,Appearance change,Did lip filler change anyone else’s face? I got my lips done a few months ago and my pre lip filler photos look almost alien to me. It changed the perception of all my features. Is this common ?!,,0,IndustryMountain,2023-07-15 17:04:33 RedPillWomen,14zxxna,What is nun mode?,I've recently discovered the subreddit and I saw a lot of people mentioning nun mode. Sounds like something interesting so I'd love a non vague answer.,,6,weedandpie,2023-07-15 01:11:53 RedPillWomen,14zp43s,How to become a better cook?,"So some back story I grew up in a vegan family, so all I know how to make is vegan food. However I’m currently with a man that loves to eat meat. And enjoys home cooked meals, on numerous occasions he’s said he would like for me to make him a nice meal. But I’m scared because idk know how to cook anything with meat. He’s tried my vegan meals but I know it leave him wanting more because of the lack of protein. I no longer am a vegan and but I still only exclusively cook vegan/ vegetarian meals. I would love to learn how to make a nice chicken or a steak (which is his favorite). So any recommendations on how I can improve my cooking skills and make meals that my fiancé would enjoy.",,10,No-Umpire-7411,2023-07-14 19:06:43 RedPillWomen,14zx9jr,How to become better at makeup?,"Hi! I am working on improving myself to attract a guy and I want to get better at wearing makeup. I don't wear any now. I have watched some tutorials and bought some (like over $100 worth that I mostly end up throwing away because it didn't work) What do I buy/who do I watch to get better at? And what kind sof makeup styles are men attracted to? Thanks!",,2,Weak_Remove7884,2023-07-15 00:40:57 RedPillWomen,14zbdxp,How to make more female friends as someone who gets along better with guy friends?,"Hey all, I would love some RPW opinions on this. I struggle to make female friends, and I’m just now understanding that my masculine conversation style is probably turning people away. I had a breakup a month ago that has left me feeling lonely and really self-reflecting on why it is so difficult for me to make and keep female friends. Then I recently saw this comment on a post from this sub and it hit deep: > Healthy Female friendships are generally built more on supporting one another than the ribbing that happens in many guy groups. It just does not strengthen a female bond in the same way. In a group of women, you are not looking to be the most clever or getting the most attention or posing shock value, focus instead on being positive and supportive. This explains so much. I really struggle with female friendships and group hangouts. My way of communicating is very masculine, and spending more time around male friends has exacerbated this behavior. Some examples would be my habit of interrupting and/or self-referencing, (something that I’m aware of but it’s very hard to change, any tips appreciated), trying to seem cool by coming up with something clever, or making myself look good so people will like me. I tend to try to “lead” the conversation in some way. Now I know this sounds bad, and often I cringe in real time at my behavior, but it’s been tough to change. I grew up somewhat socially awkward and didn’t have many friends, and my family was full of arguing and talking over each other. All my life I’ve attempted to make friends by making myself look cool so that others will like me, rather than learning to connect with them. Can someone please explain to me like I’m 5 how as a woman in my 20s I can learn to have great lifetime female friendships? I know I can’t erase my whole childhood and do a complete 180° with my behavior, but if anyone has little tips that I can think about when in conversation to make adjustments, I’m all ears.",,13,Artistic-Physics7598,2023-07-14 09:12:25 RedPillWomen,14z52y6,advice for dating in college,"hi! I’m about to go into college (18f) and I’m really excited I just don’t really know what to expect with dating. I’ve gone on dates in high school but never got into anything I would call an actual relationship (or if it was, it was pretty short and unserious), only kissed one person so I’m inexperienced, so honestly I would just appreciate some general advice if you have any, like things you wish you would’ve known before dating in college, but I also have a few specific worries. right now I really don’t plan on partying or drinking etc, it just doesn’t interest me and I’m pursuing a double major so I have to work hard to graduate on time and not go into debt. however, I don’t want to come across as uptight/boring or miss out on meeting people that way. I’m talking to people in my real life about all this too but I’d like to hear the rp perspective on this! I’m not going to change myself or my goals to fit in but I am kinda worried cause it seems to me that partying/hookup culture is so popular rn and I want to know what to expect. +does anyone date to marry in college?? I would love to find someone that I will later get married to while in college but I understand that might not be a reasonable goal? btw my school’s guy to girl ratio is super high, almost 3:1 (with guys as the majority) so I would think that should be beneficial to dating as a girl but again would be nice to hear some advice. sry for the rambling and thank you!! 💗",,10,goldaline777,2023-07-14 03:28:45 RedPillWomen,14y5v70,Do you still fit in your wedding dress?,"> Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So, each is inevitably disappointed. ~ Albert Einstein, maybe, [but probably not]( https://quoteinvestigator.com/2017/01/17/marry/) &nbsp; There are many variations of the above quote but each gets to the heart of a very gendered difference in marriage. As women, we make a bet on a man, early in life, hoping that his edges will smooth and his potential will be reached. Men, on the other hand, take the gamble that his sweet young bride will continue to be the woman that he fell in love with no matter how many years go by. &nbsp; Change of course, is inevitable. Our bodies change and our experiences change us. The question to ask is not “have I changed” because of course you have changed. Instead ask “Do I still fit into my wedding dress?” &nbsp; This is a literal question as well as a metaphoric one. How close are you to the woman that stood at that altar and promised to love and cherish, honor and obey? &nbsp; Change is inevitable but how much have you changed and why. Is your waist a touch thicker because age comes for us all or are you popping the seams of the dress? Do you sport a neat braid under your veil or have you sacrificed your locks on the altar of maternity. How about the wedding night lingerie? Are you still the woman who donned it to capture her husband’s attention? Or is it that side of you buried in a drawer, under ‘routine’ and ‘responsibility’ to never again see the light of day? &nbsp; And what of the person you have become? With submission comes [adaptability]( https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/malleability-and-you.2904). Have you become a partner more or less like the man you love? Do you still think of him as the man you walked down the aisle for? Do his eyes still shine when he sees you? Change is inevitable, but when we are lucky, when we allow ourselves to bend, allow him to lead, then we change to become closer, two parts of a whole. Did you adapt to the path he set you both on, or do you fight to retain independence? &nbsp; Would he marry you again today or have you moved too far from the sweet young bride? &nbsp; Do you still fit into your wedding dress?",,61,Deliaallmylife,2023-07-13 00:41:05 RedPillWomen,14y6699,3% of women are virgins/wait to have sex before marriage,"As this is a redpill community, I’m aware there are more women who are virgins or waiting to have sex before marriage OR waited to have sex with their husband. I just need your advice. I’m struggling a lot with feeling comfortable and confident :( I can’t speak about this with anyone irl because they judge me for being a virgin or having no experience with men at my age. Some even give me weird looks. I’m waiting until marriage to have sex with my partner, but I’m worried because of my inexperience he won’t like me. I have never had sex or even masturbated before, like, I just haven’t and it never was interesting to me until I met him. Now my sex drive is high and I want to have sex with him as soon as possible (still waiting until marriage) but as he’s had 2 partners before I’m worried I won’t be able to compare. I’m also worried I won’t enjoy sex or how to please him and he will suffer because of me or resent me? I’ve been raised in the traditional mindset “sex is for baby making”. He is a very patient and kind person & he did state he will be more than happy to teach me but I can’t help but think men are so sex focused. How did you navigate this if you were also a virgin? Did you ease into your married life comfortably? Was your husband very accommodating? And the most important question I have: **if you were a virgin and waited until marriage, do you think this significantly helped make your married life happier? Do you feel very attached to your man? Personally, I have the feeling I can’t even look at another man sexually or romantically and I haven’t even been intimate w him yet 😭**",,18,[deleted],2023-07-13 00:56:49 RedPillWomen,14y9sdu,Confused on who to “aim” for in LTRs,"I’m on nun mode in hopes of snagging a better guy for an LTR and general life improvement. I’ve heard the advice to look at who the the type of HVM you want is dating and aim for that type of look but they all date women who are skinny, dainty, and plain. I’m the complete opposite. No matter how thin i get, I’ll always be curvy and I have a bohemian style. I obviously can’t change my bone structure, but I don’t know wether to ditch my current style, try to tweak it or stay true. I’ve already quit unnatural hair dye and long nails. Has anyone had to “pivot” their look to attract the guy they want? Please give insight. EDIT: added a few words for clarification.",,6,SweetSecond5900,2023-07-13 03:46:37 RedPillWomen,14xpa5h,FR: I left a bad relationship at 23 and my life didn't end.,"I've seen so many posts by women that debate staying in an obviously BAD relationship because ""I'm 24/23/22/**20 (!!!)** and I worry I'll hit the Wall soon."" So... I thought I'd throw this out there. First, [an old post](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/5qi7l6/the_fear_of_the_wall_and_why_im_sick_of_hearing/) that might be interesting to read (comments included), and then my 2 cents. I left a bad relationship at 23 and it was the Best.Decision.Ever. I wanted a man who would be a great husband and father; my boyfriend clearly wasn't that man. I stayed with him way too long, because I was terrified of starting over. With him, I thought I at least had a chance at marriage and children (no I didn't. Not a happy one anyway. But it was difficult to see it at the time). If I left, would I ever find another man? I always thought I'd be married by 25! What if I didn't find anyone better? What if I got too old? Would I be alone forever? Would it be so bad to stay with him? Eventually, I left. And my life did not end. I took time to recover, live my life, take care of myself, meet people. I was happier! I did not get all saggy and wrinkled overnight, my teeth didn't fall out and my ovaries didn't shrink. I actually still got married by 25... which would NOT have been possible had I wasted any more time on the wrong relationship. If you want a long term partner or husband, great! Know what you're looking for. You don't want just *any* man, you want the right man. Vet. Take care of yourself. Live your life. Vet some more. Yes we all know time is passing... but that's just life. You either die young or get old. Please stop thinking that you're running out of time and need to ""settle"" for a bad relationship, especially in your EARLY TWENTIES. It's better to be alone than to be with the wrong man. Thanks for coming to my TedTalk.",,56,_Pumpkin_Muffin,2023-07-12 13:55:45 RedPillWomen,14xm1vf,Help me stop eating!,"I have lost 50 pounds. I need to lose 50 more. I was serious at the start of the year and dropped 15 pounds easily. Around March/April I lost all motivation. I’ve been dealing with burnout and exhaustion (anemia on top of managing a home, working, and taking care of my mom w/cancer). I was maintaining, but now I have to be honest with myself that I gained 5 pounds back. But I am 1) feeling constantly hungry and 2) have *zero* motivation/drive/ability to restrain myself from eating. The moment I even think “okay this is my meal plan today”, my anxiety goes up and I seriously nearly panic about the idea of restricting my eating. I guess if anything it feels like one more thing I have to be controlling at managing and it feels like one too many things for me to do. I was on fire in January to March. Walking daily, tracking calories… Nothing felt like it could stop me. Now its as if I’ve hit a brick wall. The panic this morning of standing on the scale and having to be totally honest about where I am is overwhelming. It has taken me nearly 4 years to lose the 50. I would love to not take another 4 years. At the rate I was going, I could easily lose it over the next year (or less). I felt great. I felt great about my body. Now… not so much. Ladies, I know many of you are health minded and prioritize taking care of your bodies. I need your wisdom please ❤️",,15,anothergoodbook,2023-07-12 11:36:00 RedPillWomen,14xzu1n,Movie recommendations,I'd love some movie recommendations that apply towards RPW whether that be good examples or examples of what not to be.,,2,Organic_Grape_3488,2023-07-12 20:33:55 RedPillWomen,14xznc9,Should I respond to him?,"Background on me: 29, 2 young kids, almost divorced (country laws), own a home and financially independent, single. I realize the whole single mom situation is a huge barrier for me. I’ve spent the last year in nun mode till recently. I was casually dating a man when we decided we were better off as friends for various reasons. Great guy and he tells me I am a great woman but we were not compatible. The biggest reason being he plans on moving in 2 years and knows I won’t be able to due to custody. He works in law enforcement and I had met his coworkers while we were going on dates. One in particular took an interest in me, and asked him if we were serious or not. When we decided not to be together, he suggested I message his coworker on SM. We had some quick chats but he hadn’t responded to me in a month. My friend told me it was likely because he was still living with his ex in his home until she could find somewhere to live, though that could be speculation. I was joking with my friend last night that he should introduce me to his coworkers again. Today, this man messaged me a very low effort “hey”. No explanation for ghosting for a month. My friend told me it was just coincidence and he hasn’t told him to message me. Should I respond or just leave it? If I do respond, should I bring up the lapse in communication or keep it lighthearted?",,0,Affectionate-Yam6935,2023-07-12 20:26:37 RedPillWomen,14xkkg9,How do I get to know an extremely shy and reserved guy?,"I was introduced to this guy about 2 years ago by a mutual friend. It was just the 3 of us but he only started talking to me after a few drinks. The rest of the time, he would laugh at my jokes but only respond once I spoke to him. I also noticed he was constantly shaking his legs the whole time, not sure why but he seemed quite awkward. I got his number through the same friend as I’m relocating to the same country he’s in. Every time I’ve texted him for some information, he would promptly respond but never deviate from the topic. He has also never texted me first. Not only am I unaware of how to get to know someone like this, I’m also not sure if he’s interested in me at all. He has very few female friends, most of whom are happily married. I have never seen him interact or approach any women so he’s definitely very shy. P.S - I’m also an introvert myself so I haven’t been able to initiate a casual conversation with him so far. The only time I text him is when I have some genuine queries regarding my relocation.",,7,Global_Moose_1991,2023-07-12 10:25:20 RedPillWomen,14wvnsh,Please welcome our new mod!,"Hello RPW, Please help me welcome the newest addition to the mod team, the lovely u/ChamomileMist! She has graciously stepped on to help with general modding efforts as well as to organize and arrange our sidebar/wiki with u/FastLifePineapple, which has always been a work in progress. Like all mods, she is a vetted and endorsed member of the community who the mod team recognized has gone above and beyond, and is using a new mod account for privacy and safety purposes. We are so happy to have you on the team, u/ChamomileMist! Your efforts will help us maintain and nurture this community as a unique space for women wanting male-led relationships and the tools and strategies that accompany that.",,31,LivelyLychee,2023-07-11 16:13:45 RedPillWomen,14x3k9a,How to be more soft,"As a minor, I still live with my family. I try to be more soft and coolheaded but there are just times where my boundaries are crossed so many times that I can’t take it anymore, and I lose my temper. This only happens with my family members who live with me. I probably snapped only once at one of my acquaintances when he was giving me so much attitude I couldn’t stand it (I regret firing back with the same energy though). I try to remove myself from the situation and allow myself to cool off a bit alone in my room, but I’m ashamed of how I can act when I lose it. Even my own mother has said this behavior reminds her of my father’s outbursts. I even recently noticed my baby brother is having the same problems as me as well, and I guess that was my wake-up call that I needed to change. I don’t want this temper of mine to affect any future relationships because I want to be able to have a healthy and communicative dynamic with other people. I wouldn’t want a husband with a short temper, and I doubt a good husband would want a wife with that either. Regardless of gender, I believe it is a serious personality flaw and I am aware that I need to work on my self control, any tips?",,3,i_really_want_a_dog,2023-07-11 21:07:44 RedPillWomen,14wobwi,What career do you have/ are pursuing?,"Recently found this sub and started reading out of curiosity, expecting that it would be a super toxic environment (esp because I’m used to seeing some of the more unhinged behavior from the male side of RP) but I was actually really surprised to see that this sub shares a lot of the values I hold! I’m going to be a senior in highschool this August and I’m trying to work on a lot of my poorer qualities and falling more in tune with my feminine side while I still have the time. That being said, I’ve seen a lot of people on here recommend nursing or teaching careers to RPW’s younger audience because a good husband will be looking for a woman with a good education, but I was wondering if anyone on this sub has a more,,, different career? Because I’m hoping to work in the animation industry someday and I don’t know if that aligns with RPW’s expectations for some reason. It’s sort of like how you wouldn’t really expect a feminine woman with RP beliefs to be working in that type of industry if that makes sense? I also feel like it might be harder for me to find “the one” while I’m pursuing that career, as I feel like the job isn’t really taken as seriously and it’s hard to balance the workload with having a life (same goes for other careers as well). I guess dermatology is another field I’m interested in, but I hope I can break into the animation industry nonetheless. Anyway, I’m really just curious to hear about everyone’s careers! Did you feel like your job gravitated or pushed away good men from pursuing you? If you work/worked in a male-dominated field, do you feel like it contributed to any specific dynamics with your partner? To the housewives/SAHMs who read all the way up to this point, what made you decide that staying home was the better choice for you and your family? I’m super curious to hear different viewpoints on this, thank you for reading :) Edit: These responses were really insightful, thank you!",,9,i_really_want_a_dog,2023-07-11 11:12:10 RedPillWomen,14x3c3k,Nun mode success stories?,Who here has gone into nun mode and benefitted from it? What did that look like? Looking for inspiration and tips,,1,Then_Hair_7361,2023-07-11 20:59:40 RedPillWomen,14w79rq,Do you offer to pay the bill?,"This is my question , do you offer to pay the bill or you just let him pay the bill and then open the door to return it with sex ?, Not sure about how to set boundaries or if I should or not .....",,0,[deleted],2023-07-10 21:39:14 RedPillWomen,14vx26v,Is still a real relationship?,What do you think about long distance relationships? Is still real for you?,,2,Direct-Ad-5394,2023-07-10 15:22:54 RedPillWomen,14vl5mn,I snapped,"For the past year, I've been trying to be more soft in how I express my boundaries. My boyfriend says I am incredibly sweet except when I am setting boundaries, then I am cold and sharp as a knife, and that I set too many boundaries. I've tried to listen to him, and he was right. I really care about societal order (ESTJ) and often I was trying to control situations around me. Now every time I believe in fate and let go of control, I feel much more safe, confident, calm and trusting. So when I have an urge to set a boundary, I take a deep breath and ask my gut ""Is it really important?"" If not, I will cringe watching an unexpected outcome. But if my gut says it's important, I must express this bottom line to my boyfriend, right? Then he gets upset that I am suddenly sharp and cold again. I'm still not sure how to go about changing my approach. But last night something happened, and I just snapped straight into 'knife mode"" ever since: He was working till midnight and the ex girlfriend of his coworker appeared at the office. She was clearly looking for her ex; he let her in and she looked through her ex's stuff. Mind you they broke up a while ago and he is already happy in a new relationship. She asked my bf not to tell her ex (his coworker). She said she came because she missed him. He pitied her because he once felt the same about missing me, he did not think she is in the wrong, he figured she is harmless because she was presenting herself as emotionally same + she is a woman, and so he promised he would not tell him. This was extremely alarming to me because what she did is st*lking and it is illegal. I believe the coworker has a right to know which kind of ex he is dealing with. I am with my bf for two years. He did not agree it was st*lking, but I googled the definition of st*lking and lawfirm pages include 'showing up at somebody's work place uninvite...' therefore I am right. I sent him the screenshot. In this specific case, it's extremely important for me that he agrees with me on our definition of st*lking and related criminal offenses, creepy behavior, and the psychology behind associated laws. But he just doesn't agree. He doesn't agree, and so I trust him less. He says I need to have more empathy towards her and that she is harmless and probably won't do it again. He says, ""Trust between us can come from mutual understanding, not only agreement. If you understand me you will trust me."" I do understand him - I understand the heartbreak and longing of the ex. I think his compassion is beautiful. I understand her actions 100%, I've been through it and almost done it. I do not agree with her action. How should I proceed from here? Update: It was all a test! Of course he has the same definition of stalking as me. He just wanted to see how much compassion I would have for that ex, because I have once broken up with him before. After that breakup I avoided contact with him and he felt very hurt because he was still in love. After all, this test was a way for him to 'squeeze' out of me whether I still cared about him when I went no contact or not. Of course, I did. I have him that reassurance that I always loved him even when I cut contact with him and we're good now. Thanks for the commenters 🙏 I want to add that I was stalked before and SA'd by the ex directly before him. This is why I feel very strongly about boundaries particularly boundaries of physical distance.",,2,flower_power_g1rl,2023-07-10 05:49:03 RedPillWomen,14vdqer,A question about dating,"Hey gals. Glad to be in this community where we share values and goals in common. I had a question about dating. Girls, how do you usually go on a date? Do you use dating apps and meet someone interesting or your friends set you up with somebody? How the date go? I had been off of dating apps for a while because the guys I had met are the type of guys whom go out one date and never see them again (it was bad for me because I left with the feeling that I was not good enough or not interesting) these guys are people who I never know before so maybe that could be a reason but anyways. How's your approach girls? Any tips and advise on how can improve dating to meet someone that could end up in dating to be bf/gf. Any input would be appreciated 🫂😊",,3,Direct-Ad-5394,2023-07-09 23:45:45 RedPillWomen,14vje5x,About modesty and famous trad women.,"First of all I'd like to apologize about any eventual english mistake I might commite here. It's not my first tongue. I don't have the intention to make any woman feel bad, but I think we should talk about the way we've been presenting ourselves. I've seen many famous woman that claim to be trad, but they dressed in a very unmodesty way. Short dresses, short skirts... Ugh! For exemple, I was just scrolling up Eva Vlaar's Instagram page and the way she exposes her body in tight and short clothes made me horrified (again, no hate, I like her a lot, just pointing). I don't think that's a good exemple to young girls :(. I don't think that the way you dress defines your character, however think we should dress in a way to show what is in your heart!",,1,LizzaLung,2023-07-10 04:14:59 RedPillWomen,14uu2zc,Empowering Myself with Natural Contraception: The Untapped Potential of Temperature and Hormone Tracking,"Hey all, I wanted to open a dialogue about natural contraception techniques, specifically focusing on basal body temperature (BBT) tracking and hormone monitoring. It's a topic that doesn't get as much attention as it deserves, and I'm intrigued to hear your perspectives on it. A couple of years back, I decided to steer away from hormonal and invasive contraceptive methods and instead embraced my body's natural rhythms. I was captivated by the concept of deciphering my body's patterns instead of imposing artificial controls on it. First off, I started charting my basal body temperature daily using a specialized thermometer. Each morning, before any activity, I'd take my temperature and note it down in a fertility tracking app. Over a span of a few cycles, I noticed distinct patterns that aligned with my menstrual cycle, with a minor but noticeable temperature spike indicating ovulation. In addition to temperature tracking, I also utilized ovulation prediction kits to monitor hormonal shifts throughout my cycle. These kits detect the surge in luteinizing hormone in your urine, which typically precedes ovulation by 24 to 48 hours. This dual method approach - tracking both temperature and hormone levels - gave me an in-depth understanding and control over my fertility like never before. The experience has been empowering and effective in terms of contraception. More than that, it has enriched my understanding of my body and made me appreciate the intricacies of my fertility. I feel more in tune with my body's cycles and can predict and plan my monthly rhythms better. Despite my positive experience, I've observed that these methods aren't as widespread or commonly discussed as they could be. Is it a question of lack of awareness? Is it the perception of these methods being less reliable? Or maybe the level of daily commitment required for tracking seems daunting? I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences on this. Have you ever tried these natural contraception methods? If yes, how was your experience? If not, what factors have held you back? Is there something that could persuade you to give them a try? Remember, there isn't a one-size-fits-all in contraception - everyone's body and circumstances are different. But having all the information can allow us to make well-informed decisions about our reproductive health. Can't wait to hear your insights!",,16,ShaggyStock,2023-07-09 09:24:39 RedPillWomen,14uk7ep,Advice on how to motivate my man.,"Hi there. I (26F) have been with my man (34M) for six years now. The entire time we've been together, he's kept a job. Not the same one, he has bounced from job to job, never being able to find the right fit. This has never bothered me as our bills have always been paid between the two of us. Last year, however, he had a slew of health issues (still unresolved, but we're working on them), a surgery and an injury. These led to him having to leave his job. He started a few different other places, but left them for one reason or another. Typically involving his health. He is doing better now, but seems to have lost all motivation to work. I have been working three, sometimes four different jobs to keep us afloat, and just barely. If I made enough from my full-time job to support us both, I wouldn't mind, but I'm running on fumes after having done this the last year and a half. I don't know if it is lack of confidence after everything that happened, lack of motivation, laziness, guilt, etc. or some combination. I have tried talking to him about it before, and he always is apologetic and says he will look for work, but that hasn't happened a whole lot. I don't want to be naggy or whiny I need advice on what I can say or do to help him get back to it. How would a RPW handle this?",,9,bluenoseninja,2023-07-09 00:32:22 RedPillWomen,14uytzo,How to stop being a plate,"Hi, I (25f) have been sleeping with this guy for around 5 months. I've hooked up with him a couple of times before this over the years. I know he's sleeping with other women as he's told me. He's mentioned maybe going on dates with me but hasn't followed through. I know I've fucked up by asking the ""what are we question"" a couple of times (which whisper says means he has to automatically relegate me to plate status forever) and even by breaking it off with him a few times. I keep coming back though because he's an alpha and so irresistible. I know I'm 25 which means I need to get married to a beta now seeing I'm already past the wall (is it at 25 or 30?) But I lack motivation. I really want to see if I can get this guy to commit. Maybe I should offer polyamory to incentivize him? Idk",,0,[deleted],2023-07-09 13:39:20 RedPillWomen,14tw7jg,Female friend coming over with malls friends to his house: what would you do?,"Ladies I need a sanity check from sane women 😭 My last relationship was incredibly toxic and unhealthy and I don’t know where the lines are for certain things because I’m used to toxic and immature behaviors. My(24f) boyfriend(24m) of 8 months randomly told me that “everyone was over” At his place. When I asked who, he sent me a pic and it was his only female friend and two other guy friends. One of them has a thing with said female friend, but it’s nothing official and has never been, they’re like an item but they’re not? It’s confusing. Anyways my heart immediately sank because of my insecurities and jealousy, I don’t like the thought of another woman being in his home. She’s pretty and has a great body, i have felt insecure over her before despite my boyfriend never giving me a reason to. He doesn’t text her frequently anymore either - I was under the impression they kinda did when we first started talking but that’s since ceased. Anyway!! How would you handle this situation, is it not a big deal? I don’t know whether my feelings are correct or not in feeling disrespected right now. I don’t know how to react. :( I don’t want to blow it out of proportions and have him think he can’t confide in me. In the photo I saw the book he let her borrow for a class this last semester so I’m thinking she might’ve texted him she has his book and returned it and everyone came? Idk.",,5,vinesandflowers,2023-07-08 06:38:36 RedPillWomen,14t7vqy,How do I stop feeling like I’m left behind?,"Hi everyone, I’m a 28F and I often have this feeling that I’m behind in life. I know in reality, I’m doing well financially/career wise - nothing exceptional though, I have a bachelors degree and make a good living. However, my life just hasn’t turned out the way I thought it would. The older I get, the more I feel depressed about not being married yet, not having children yet. I’ve always had these things in mind but I muted my desires and was swayed by parental guidance to pursue an education and a career more than anything else, they have always heavily discouraged dating while in school/early career. Now I feel incredibly empty and as though all that focus wasn’t worth it at the end as I have a greater longing to be a wife and take care of my husband and children more than trying to make more money in a career. Now I did have 2 major relationships that failed, first one because my parents advised against it as he was a graduating senior and I was a freshman in college (to be honest he was the best person I could have married out of all the men I dated/talked to afterwards); the second was a big waste of time, dated for 4 years and he was never going to marry me, just empty words - I was definitely a placeholder girlfriend. So here I am today, I do have a boyfriend but I’m not the most hopeful as he lives overseas in my home country but we’re trying to make it work at the moment, it wouldn’t be easy for him to move here (US). I am going back home to visit family soon though so maybe I feel more confident once we meet in person. Meanwhile, my peers from secondary school and university are married and more of them have children. And I have absolutely nothing to show for my obedience to my parents and “hard work”.",,9,mindyourown_biz,2023-07-07 13:50:29 RedPillWomen,14to626,Looking for inspirational women and men to follow on social media!,I’m absolutely loving Kelly Brogan right now and I was wondering if there is anyone else in that same vein I should be following!,,1,LindenBlossoms,2023-07-08 00:14:26 RedPillWomen,14t6dzr,Am I overreacting that I don't want my husband to go abroad?,"Context: We're married for about 1.5 years, and it's absolutely a happy marriage. We both are doctors, he works in a village basic health unit along with family business of milk chillers (which is currently in dissolution because he's ending it to come back home) and I'm doing residency in cardiac surgery (a bit of a more context, my residency is hectic, but I don't plan to go any further after it, I'd just do 8-2 government job, and not private to give more time or earn more money etc). I live with his family, kinda joint family system, and they're amazing, along with financial stability. Now I'm pregnant with our first baby, 4 months, and I'm dreading to continue job and baby without him here. The issue is, his father was in a very high position in government in electricity dept before retirement, and they're used to all perks of it. Now he wants to go abroad to earn ""more"" money, but we already are enjoying an above average living standard. It's not for a near future plan, he's currently preparing for national residency program, only then he can apply for abroad. It would at least take 2 years..but still whenever he brings this topic, it boils my blood. I never wanted to live without him, we already only meet on the weekends when he comes home, and then I want my baby to grow with both his parents present (it is very common in our country where husbands/fathers earn abroad while families live here) He says, he'll obviously sponser me, and it's not difficult, because I can also apply through my medical degree, but I can't go in the middle of my residency (I've still about 3 years to go) while he hasn't even started yet. I've said that once he starts residency here in the field of his interest and then if he doesn't like we can go together, but he says he won't even start here if he gets a chance to go as early as possible. It's not that he's stubborn, a few weeks ago I posted about his gaming addiction amidst his exams, and we talked and sorted it out. But this matter of going abroad; I just can't digest it at all. Primarily I just don't want to leave my country. Because we're having a good life here. And I know it's so difficult to start a life from 0 in a first world country. I don't know what to do really! It's not an urgent issue but it's bothering me too much. Because he brings it everyday like a joke in every call or conversation.",,5,False_Process_2473,2023-07-07 12:48:12 RedPillWomen,14sv1fi,I freaking love Laura Doyle!,"I had no idea she even existed until joining this community. I cannot tell you how my mind has shifted having only read just over half of The Empowered Wife. If you haven't read it yet this is your sign to do it! Thank you RPW!!",,33,[deleted],2023-07-07 03:20:50 RedPillWomen,14shzfa,"Happily married women, did you JUST KNOW he was the one early on? Or did you marry out of convenience and it turned out great?",Is it bad that I feel emotionally attached to my boyfriend but not in love?,,25,SweetPoem7625,2023-07-06 18:43:42 RedPillWomen,14rbgr0,"Pro-tip: If it has been 2 years and he still hasn't proposed , it's probably a sign that he's not that into you","(This advice is for people over 23. If you're very young then I guess it makes sense to wait a few years to become more established....) Example 1: Friend always wanted to be a young mom, that was her dream. Also, she has some kind of fertility issue and is afraid that if she starts trying too late, she might not be able to conceive. She has been with this guys for almost 8 years now. She's 28, he's 30. They're both financially stable and it's unlikely that their situation will get any better in the future. He said he wanted to wait until 30 to marry/have kids. He's 30 now and still finds excuses to delay it... Also, he publicly humiliates/insults my friend and uses ""it's just a joke"" as an excuse. For example, she posts a picture on fb and he leaves a comment ""jokingly"" making fun of her appearance. I personally think it's awful behavior but my friend tolerates it. She slowly starts becoming resentful of him for making her wait so long though. Even if they do get married, I can't see them lasting long. Example 2: She was 25, he was 29 when they met. It was obvious from the start that she was into him more than he was into her. He made her wait over 8 years, using every excuse imaginable to delay it. She had to practically beg him to commit. Finally they had a kid when she was 34. Guess what , they're divorcing now and I'm not surprised. My point is that if a man is really into you he will try to lock you down pretty quickly. Waiting is usually a waste of your time.",,109,Novel-Tip-7570,2023-07-05 13:59:09 RedPillWomen,14qyv7s,What to do when a man is saying sexual things in initial talking stages (Online dating)?,"Hello everyone, So I'm testing the waters on online dating this time in the hopes maybe I will meet someone who actually is worth the investment of time, etc. Since I barely have any experience, I don't know exactly what to do. I'm 22. My intuition says when a guy gets sexual to dip out. A part of me says to give the benefit of the doubt. Like I can bargain perhaps? The help would be absolutely helpful. Thank you everyone 🙏",,13,jbb_sanc01,2023-07-05 03:21:54 RedPillWomen,14qx76d,What is your personal definition of a HVM?,"Everyone has different definitions of what constitutes a high value man. Personally, my requirements are quite strict. – No alcohol, no drugs. – No flings or hook-ups (it’s fine if he has had 1-2 long term relationships). – Low body count (ideally a virgin however it’s impossible to find a HVM who is a virgin). – Ambitious (always working on something, desires to get ahead, good career and prospects). – Provider (willing to provide for a large family). – High intelligence (A man who is much more smarter than me)! – Stoic (I dislike dramatic and talkative men) – I don’t care much about looks but I prefer he looks similar to me (I mean in terms of ethnicity). I value fitness and height, I can’t sugarcoat this unfortunately… – Disciplined – Religious (will attend religious functions with me and my family every Sunday). Do you think these requirements are a bit too strict? I’ve gotten told I’m crazy for expecting this. My ideal life is just to stay at home and be a homemaker, clean the home, cook for my husband, take care of our big family. I’m not ambitious at all and I keep getting called low IQ and silly for not pursuing a career. :( The wild thing is I have met a man who fulfills all of the above so I think it’s entirely possible but I don’t know why I’m mocked when I tell other people what I expect?",,5,[deleted],2023-07-05 01:55:42 RedPillWomen,14qw1a5,Should I buy him the hoodie?,"So, my husband has been neglecting me and as much as I would like to say I haven't tried to get him to give me attention, I have. Over and over. And it's getting annoying and tedious and I'm getting resentful. Anyway, so ordinarily if my husband hinted that he needed something like more sex or he felt like a certain meal etc, I'd do it for him. He wouldn't be overly appreciative or grateful of it in his speech or mannerisms, but I know he feels it. So he recently hinted that he needed a new hoodie. He's picky with clothes but I generally know what he likes. I'd have ordered or picked up a new hoodie for him without thinking but now that I'm feeling like my needs are no longer his priority I don't want to get him the hoodie. What can I do to ""win"" him back? I've tried blowjobs and compliments, being happy to see him every morning, getting him coffees and overall just trying to make his life better; but he doesn't reciprocate.",,3,[deleted],2023-07-05 00:55:00 RedPillWomen,14qk70p,Am I wrong to heal my trauma before settling down (and face hitting the wall) ?,"I believe in red pill values, understand the concept of SMV, and the inevitability of women hitting the wall. I lost 105+ pounds, have changed my unhealthy lifestyles, and drastically increased my SMV in the last 2 years. I’m a strawberry blonde, 5’6, have brown eyes and am currently about 150 lbs. I don’t engage in hookup culture. I’m a soon to be 25 year old woman, recently (happily) single and out of a long term situationship turned crash-and-burn relationship with a narcissist. With emotional/physical abuse, neglect, social anxiety, a stutter, depression, and a complicated relationship with food all at play in my past, I’m left to heal myself now as I enter adulthood. I am healing my inner childhood wounds, see a therapist weekly, and prioritizing my health and wellness to better my future (and all that is possible for me) Am I wrong to prioritize this healing in my 20s, when my SMV is highest? Will I ruin my chances of settling down with a committed, alpha-red-pill oriented man by choosing this path first? It’s not that I won’t date until I’m “fully healed”, it’s that I’ve made considerable strides in my own development since devoting myself to healing. I make decisions in my own best interest now, preserve my peace, and honor my value. I no longer betray myself to receive a warped version of my unmet childhood needs. I’ve been told my solution is to just “have kids anyway” or else I’ll just hit the wall and find no one suitable. Needless to say, it’s frustrating. Wouldn’t a strong and masculine man want a woman who’s self aware enough to “get her shit together” before bringing baggage into future relationships? Open to all feedback. Thank you!",,11,np_masfem98,2023-07-04 16:41:47 RedPillWomen,14qfaoa,Adding value through hard skills,"Hello everyone, sure being supportive, cheerful, giving peace and calm, laughing together and being kind are important in a relationship. But recently I figured out how important it can be to be able to fix broken things in your home or to shorten your own pants. I was on vacation with a friend and we talked about these kind of ""skills"". She was raised differently than me and has a broad variety of such hard skills, while I was raised solely to perform well in school. Years down the road, I can definitely see how those skills make her a better life partner. As hard as it might sound, I went to med school and take care of patients well but that does not help at home. I am thinking about being able to drive a car (I live in a big European city with good public transport so I can't drive), fixing minor things, being financially adept, being able to cook well. Are there other things that come to your mind? Thanks for sharing!",,7,uhulalala,2023-07-04 13:30:54 RedPillWomen,14qci5m,Talking about sex,"Me and my partner used to have sex everyday with usually him initiating it. The last few weeks he hasn’t really been initiating, but has still been touchy and cuddly. I don’t want to put pressure on the situation, but would love to ask if everything is okay. Any ideas or advice?",,2,FewBox5662,2023-07-04 11:19:12 RedPillWomen,14puwva,What is realistic to expect?,"I’m 23 and recently broke up with a very wonderful man who I dated for six months. He adored me, treated me kindly, insisted on paying for everything, and on paper was pretty much perfect for me. The thing is, I wasn’t attracted to him (good looking, but not my type). We were plenty active in bed, but that’s mostly because I have a very high libido. We broke up a month ago and I just keep thinking about it. Fantastic guy, no dead bedroom, why did I break up with him? Am I asking for too much? I want a guy who adores me, who I’m also attracted to. So far I’ve found one of each (first boyfriend attractive but a jerk, second is the guy above). Can I find both? More than anything, I want to be a mother, ideally stay at home. I’m fit, outgoing, feminine, I’m a damn good girlfriend, and pretty (I’ve never lacked for male attention). I’m obviously not perfect, but I think my RMV/SMV are pretty high, and the guys I’ve attracted/dated reflect that. My parents started dating at 18 and are deeply in love four decades later, so I have that kind of a role model. I guess I’d love some feedback from older women in successful relationships. I don’t want advice from other female forums where I’ll be blindly told that I can have it all. I want realistic feedback on if I made a mistake breaking up with a great guy because I’m looking for something unrealistic. Or, am I being pessimistic, and should I keep the faith that I’ll find the right man for me? Thanks in advance!",,5,Electronic_Common_41,2023-07-03 21:08:21 RedPillWomen,14p7m6o,Do you consider yourself attractive?,"I often wonder how attractive RPW are? Does the attractiveness come from confidence or what you wear and how you care for yourself or are you objectively just born attractive? And by this question I mean you personally. Are YOU in the upper percentage of attractiveness?",,17,[deleted],2023-07-03 03:27:12 RedPillWomen,14p6vx7,"I'm crass, masculine, one of the guys...and I hate it, bit don't know how to stop","I'm sure there are other women who resonate with this, but I haven't seen this post specifically. I feel like it should be a common one so I'm sorry if it's redundant. I grew up a tomboy, bullied by girls and not pretty enough for boys. To have friends, I became ""one of the guys."" It was pretty well-aligned with my tomboyish personality so it worked when I was younger. Then I grew into my looks and started getting attention. When this happened, I tried to be more feminine because I wanted that attention so badly, but hated the rat race it felt like in competition with women. I tried really hard to make female friends since all my guy friends were now trying to date me...very awkward. Women just seemed judgy, though. They took offense to things that my guy friends laughed off. I have female friends now, but I still can't shake this feeling sometimes. I love my SIL for example, but acknowledge she's incredibly sensitive and and combative if I say the wrong thing. I get that vibe from a lot of women and I think it repels me from fully embracing femininity. I don't want to act that way. I'd like advice on how to be feminine and still give people grace for saying things I might not like. At the same time, I'm still way too crass around the men and few women I know who are more easy-going. It's so vulgar sometimes, I'm disgusted with myself as soon as I say anything, but it's the only way I know how to comfortably act in a group. I otherwise feel like I'm stifling myself by focusing on acting with poise, and it's just exhausting maintaining that persona. I'm honestly a mess in this department. I know how to dress and look good, despite currently being overweight (a work in progress), but I don't know how to act good and still feel comfortably myself. Several questions for this group: 1. How do I stop acting like a dude with tits? I notice alcohol exasperates the bad behavior, even just a couple drinks so I plan to quit, but it rears it's ugly head when I'm sober too. 2. My current girlfriends are also a little loud and crass, but not that bad. How do I incorporate a new me into my old friend group without being tempted into old bad habits? They're still good people and good friends so I don't see myself walking away from them. 3. How do I tap into feminine energy in a way that's authentic? I feel like who I am is incongruous with femininity and that makes me feel sad and hopeless.",,14,ConservativeAltAcct,2023-07-03 02:50:53 RedPillWomen,14p0j87,RPW and pregnancy,"For the mothers of RPW: how do RPW principles apply to pregnancy and early motherhood? How do femininity and submission look like in this phase of life? Tips, reflections... stuff you wish you'd known / you'd do differently / you'd do the same... anything really. Thanks! For context: I'm expecting my first. I'm at that stage of pregnancy where I can still bend down - I just don't know if I'll be able to get up. Tying my shoelaces was much easier when I could see my feet. I'm very happy but I'm big, tired, still nauseated, emotional, grumpy, a bit anxious/controlling, and my sex life went from great to non existent. My wonderful husband is doing so much for us, while I can't do half the things I used to... I feel such a burden. Of course he says that growing our baby is all I need to do right now - and I can't even thank him with a BJ. Suggestions, commiseration and reality checks are all VERY welcome (but gentle please, I could cry. Sigh.).",,21,_Pumpkin_Muffin,2023-07-02 21:59:17 RedPillWomen,14ofrln,What kind of male attention do you get IRL?,"And what does it tell you about your appeal or the impression you give off? The male attention I (21F) get while out and about consists of getting catcalled and stared at by mentally disturbed, elderly homeless men, or complimented on my clothes by regular older men. On the rare occasion that someone makes a more direct overture (happens 1-2 times a year) he’s still a bit too old— think late twenties or early thirties. It’s never a normal guy my own age trying to chat me up, and I don’t know if that’s because I’m unattractive, unapproachable, or a combination of the two to them. And I go to college in the middle of a major city where there are men of every age in my vicinity every time I go outside, so it’s not like I’m isolated from my peers. I can’t quite put my finger on what, but it’s like I’m missing a “spark” or something that makes me register as a potential partner to young men. Although I could be overestimating how often young women normally get approached IRL because I hear so many anecdotes about girls my age getting unwanted advances in public; maybe the volume/type of attention I get is typical. Any analysis of my experience or tips on how to appear more approachable are appreciated! Edit: Thank you all for your opinions! I had considered that this is a generational thing and older men are more comfortable cold approaching in public. I don’t know any couples my age who met that way and didn’t expect to meet a boyfriend that way; I was mainly concerned that the lack of cold approaches from my peers signals that I’m unattractive or doing something to discourage guys from making a move.",,26,Ok-Coat7665,2023-07-02 05:16:02 RedPillWomen,14obnx2,Suggestions for content consumption that supports certain RPW goals?,"I turn 25 this year and I have been very shocked to realize how much I’m struggling to accept that. In large part that struggle comes from the fact that, up until the last 6 months or so, I fully drank the kool-aid and lived by the belief that “everyone is a mess in their 20s!” I have been pretty much living moment-to-moment and am slowly (and with horror) realizing I won’t just wake up one morning and have it all figured out for me. Who knew, right? I spent the last year in nun-mode, lost 63lbs of depression weight and changed my whole aesthetic from “man-eater blue-haired face-piercing feminist e-girl” (which I’m not villainizing in any way, it’s just *soooo* not me and was a mentally exhausting coping mechanism) to my authentic girly, skirt-loving self and my entire mindset on life cleared up as I did. In the last month or so, I have really taken a harsh look at my life and dedicated real time and energy to asking myself what I really want my future to look like and how I can put my whole heart into making that my reality. One of the biggest realizations I’ve made is the magnitude to which the content I engage with influences me, even and particularly subconsciously; the algorithm feeds me content based on my own behavior and, while I’m actively working to lower my screen time, I’d like to see content and creators that line up with my current goals. I’ve made new pages on certain social medias for the explicit purpose of consciously influencing myself to work towards what I want. That being said, it’s not super easy to do that! I have scoured this sub and have found some awesome stuff, so I figured making my own post with some specific asks may garner some success. Ideally, I’m looking for tiktok/instagram pages since I don’t really watch much youtube. I’m also actively reading/listening to Laura Doyle and have other books in the RPW sidebar on my list! Some of my goals I’m hoping to find content that relates to include: - embodying femininity (duh, I know; but finding feminine energy content creators is a minefield of misandry, victim-complexes, and spirituality [like tarot and crystal type stuff] which I’m not looking for) - maintaining my home (I have well-managed ADHD but I love simple/affordable organization hacks, routines, tips, etc.) - dating from a RPW perspective (or just content that doesn’t put the onus of effort on men/push the rhetoric that “the right person will love you just how you are”) (so maybe like more tough-love, self-aware dating advice?) - homemaking/parenting (not a wife or mother yet, but I aim to learn as much as I can to be a good one before I have to learn “on the job” so to speak) I hope this formats correctly- I’m on mobile.",,10,amityjeanklein,2023-07-02 01:36:23 RedPillWomen,14nls1a,Seeking Advice On Multiple Wives,"Hi ladies. Are there any Muslim women here who are married to a man with multiple wives? Why did you agree to it? What is this arrangement like for you? Is there a difference between being the “first” or “second” wife? I spent 1.5 years in a relationship with “Daniel” with the intention of marriage. We were exclusive and monogamous the entire time. To note, we are both born and raised in Australia, so this is not the norm here. He expressed he wanted 2 wives in the future (4 is the maximum in our religion). Islam tolerates polygamy; however, it has placed various conditions for it that, in practice, are very difficult to observe. These are as follows: 1. Possession of sufficient financial resources to provide all expenses of each family 2. Physical prowess for completely satisfying the sexual desires of each wife 3. Observance of complete justice and equality among each family in every way without any favouritism The average man can not satisfy these conditions, and it is not common in Australia. To note why Daniel wants this: He is incredibly wealthy (hardworking and disciplined. He founded his own business). He knows he can support such a lifestyle. He wants to provide for his wives and children. Children are important to him; having 2 wives will mean double the children, without it taking a toll on my body. He doesn’t have anyone in mind. He tells me this is something he would want in the future, should we get married, but there’s only a 20% chance he would actually go through with it. I am very conflicted. He told me I wouldn’t find another man who can provide the same lifestyle he can provide me. After we split, I spoke to other men for the prospect of marriage, and saw that Daniel was right. It wasn’t just about the money; I have grown very fond of him. I absolutely adore him for his humour, drive, intelligence, and so much more. I am very deeply in love with him. So would this be the worst thing ever? If the _only way_ I could marry him was if I were 1 of 2 wives, would it be worth it? I just know that I won’t feel this way about any other man, and after experiencing him, I won’t be as satisfied with anyone else. He has raised the bar so high. I love our dominant-submissive dynamic and it has been so difficult to recreate that with anyone else. I trust him to lead our relationship so much. I am very attracted to him in all aspects: emotionally, physically, and sexually! Can anyone offer advice?",,17,pinkmwah,2023-07-01 04:42:00 RedPillWomen,14ndkun,Needing feedback on my nun mode plans!,"Hi everyone, I’m a long term lurker and this subreddit has been vital for my knowledge on dating and has given me “new eyes” in a way. That being said, I’m in desperate need of a nun mode. My goal is to have a stronger faith walk, drastically change SMV and land the right man for me (somewhat tradcon, religious, smart provider) in the next few years. I’m well read on the sidebar and some of the reading list and I’m essentially just trying to get “in the door” in terms of SMV. My plans for the next 12 months is as follows: Do 10k steps a day and follow a low carb diet, get weight loss surgery after 5ish months. I’m already making progress here, I have a lot to lose. Develop a signature look. Hair, nails, style etc. I’m stumped on this one and might wait until I lose more weight. Make sure not to miss church and not chicken out of church events, and daily Bible study. This is basically a discipline issue. My questions are as follows: I love, love,love “talons” long nails but the input from men and some women is so polarized and I’m not sure if I should make them a part of my look long term. Thoughts? What are some stereotypical “man magnet” clothes & makeup choices? How does one “drop the napkin”? I recognize the risk a man takes by approaching a woman and I want to both relive that and maximize my chances of finding a guy. If you’re married, where did you meet your husband and how long from first meeting to getting the ring? Thank you for reading! TLDR: I’m entering nun mode for my SMV and need any help I can get!",,10,SweetSecond5900,2023-06-30 22:04:18 RedPillWomen,14n959s,I have a hard time feeling womanly in my own body,"Maybe I shouldn't let such superficial things consume my thoughts, but physical attractiveness is important when it comes to dating and social status in general. It sucks when no one finds you attractive enough to date, the ones that you hit on get offended by you liking them and your friends happen to be much more attractive so all the guys give them attention except for you. I have a long list of insecurities that is a bit pointless to talk about because most of these traits are just genetic and I can't afford plastic surgery. My face looks tired all the time no matter how many hours I sleep. I have downturned sunken eyes, my cheeks are flat making me look older, my features are not symmetrical. I hate my body. While I'm glad I'm not overweight, I really hate how I have no curves. I have wider shoulders, but my hips and really narrow. My butt is so flat, I have to wear long tops and flowy dresses to hide it. I do go to the gym and push myself really hard, but I've yet to see any visible changes. It's really complicated to grow muscle when I'm limited in my protein intake. Trying to gain weight is pointless too, because It's hard for me to get fat. Even if I were able to, the fat mostly accumulates around my waist. I cut my hair around February and I regret it so much because it hasn't grown past my shoulders ever since. I really wish I had kept the length despite having damaged ends. People told me that short hair looks great on me, but it just made me feel less feminine. It's feels awful looking back at picture that we're taken of me. The moment I feel a bit confident and take pictures with friends or my family, I'm reminded of how unattractive I am. I feel so insecure and my friends sometimes can tell because I give off weird negative energy. Any beauty/ mental health advice would be appreciated.",,7,SilverKnightLife,2023-06-30 19:06:40 RedPillWomen,14mwbaj,Shift in husband’s behavior,"Husband and I have been married for five years. No major issues besides infertility (3 yrs). Even that is not a huge deal because we don’t discuss it more than necessary. Over the last year, my husband has faced major stress from work/school and is currently enjoying some break time. In the last few months, I have noticed he is slightly less attentive, slightly less indulgent of my playfulnesses, slightly less tolerant of the things I do that annoy him. It’s so slight, if I could give a number to it I would say 5% less infatuated with me. I never felt like we left the honeymoon phase. I kept waiting for things to change, for him to become tired of me. I felt throughout the five years of our marriage that I was the luckiest girl in the world. I had a caring provider husband that was attentive to my every need. I want to cry just thinking about it because something has changed and I don’t know what it is. I’ve asked him and he thinks he’s just stressed. It just feels like he is slowly falling out of love with me. Of course like any couple we have issues. His work schedule is at odds with my schedule but we’ve made do since changing his job is out of the question at the moment. Our finances are not great but we live within our means. I am infertile but plan to start treatment this year. I’ve gained weight but I’m successfully working on losing it. If you ever felt your husband pulling away from you/falling out of love, were you ever able to recover that feeling you lost? I don’t think I can stay in a marriage for the rest of my life where I am chasing the husband I had for only five years. I don’t know if my shortsightedness is keeping me from seeing that I’m the problem.",,15,abetterwifesomeday,2023-06-30 10:10:49 RedPillWomen,14mo8c3,"The ""What do YOU want to eat?"" cycle and how to break it",">""What do you want to eat?"" >""I dunno - what do *you* want to eat?"" >""I dunno. Whatever you want."" It's dinner time and here we are again: stuck in the endless ""what do YOU want?"" cycle. Or maybe we've reached the next level, the ""systematically crushing your man's efforts"" challenge: >""Why can't YOU decide for once?"" >""We could order Chinese."" ""But we've spent so much money on take out already."" >""Ok then, I'll make some pasta."" ""Ughh, you KNOW I'm on a low carb diet!"" >""Chicken and broccoli then?"" ""Again? Well if you can't think of anything else..."" This is trivial, I know. And yet, if it happens every night, a trivial thing can get more and more annoying. Reading around, it seems to me that many women are frustrated by this particulat cycle, especially when they're trying to be more submissive/to encourage their men's dominance. I swear I've seen the ""what's for dinner"" argument brought up so many times in the context of submission. Basically, the woman wants the man to show dominance by MAKING A CHOICE for once. So, what's the issue here? **""But, Muffin! The issue here is *clearly* that he won't decide what he wants for dinner!""** So... the woman decides that her man should be more dominant, and in her head dominant = deciding what's for dinner. (Coincidentally, just the choice she herself doesn't want to make.) The man *has* to decide; and he has to decide *what she says*, *when she says*. If he doesn't want to, then he's wrong, or lazy, or not dominant enough. If he just told her ""I want spaghetti and sauce."", it would be perfect. See the issue? There's a million reasons why the man might not want to decide. Maybe he just doesn't care about dinner and would rather not bother with the decision. Maybe he wants to go with your preference and make you happy. Maybe he's afraid of the ""systematically crushing your man's efforts"" cycle (be honest with yourself... are you guilty of this one? Because I know I can be). Or maybe he really isn't capable of making even the most trivial decision in his life - in this case, I suggest rethinking this whole male-led-relationship dynamic with him... If you want him to be in charge, then you must accept that **you don't get to force him, or to decide for him when he should take charge**. **""But, Muffin! How do I break the 'What do YOU want' cycle then? I don't want to be the one deciding!""** Well. If he asks you what you want, the submissive move is... **telling him what you want.** Be agreeable. Make it easy for him. Why turn it into a power struggle? ""I'd like Chinese, is that ok with you?"" or ""I can bake a pie if you don't mind waiting a bit"". Or maybe ""Spaghetti or chicken, do you have a preference?"", ""How about that new place/recipe you wanted to try out?"", ""I know you love my lasagna - we have some in the freezer"". It seems ridiculous to type it out... but it's so simple, really. If he wants you to decide what's for dinner - then do it, and don't complain about it. That's it. That's how you break the crazy cycle. Option two: ""Please honey, I'm so tired right now, I really can't think about dinner. Would you take care of it for us?"" Unless he is exhausted, or crushed by endless criticism, or really not inclined to take charge, then he probably WILL take care of it - you're asking him to rescue you. **""But, Muffin! What if he IS exhausted / crushed by endless criticism / not willing to take charge of dinner?""** Then you accept his decision to delegate dinner to you. Do you maybe need to work on a criticism habit of yours? It will take some time before he's confident making decisions again - keep working on it! But let's get back to the even-moderately-confident and vaguely-inclined-to-leadership man. He took care of dinner. Great! Thank him for taking care of you and STFU about what's ""wrong"". Take out is too expensive, the sauce is too spicy, he burned the chicken? STFU. You asked him to make a decision and he did. (But do remind him of your deadly nuts allergy if he wants to make almond chicken. Use your common sense.)",,43,_Pumpkin_Muffin,2023-06-30 02:46:45 RedPillWomen,14ncp86,"FOMO, The Wall & Break-Ups: How to handle the anxiety and the pressure (23F)?","I've recently left my second committed relationship and between my fear of the wall and my fear of making the wrong decisions, I feel tempted to go back. In fact, not only do I feel tempted, but I have texted him several times and initiated seemingly friendly, harmless conversations; checked whether he's back on dating apps already, etc. I'm worried I made the wrong decision but it did not feel wrong at the time. I'm 23F and there's an 11 year age gap between my ex and I. That would've been enough of a sign for some people, but I didn't notice anything strange. He was a little emotionally unstable but I thought I could take care of him, make him all better and then - out of gratitude, out of habit - he'd stay with me forever. Now, I was the one to break up. Throughout our relationship (lasted for a little over a year) he had gone from a little depressed to very depressed, smoking a pack of cigarettes a day, not showering and negging me on a daily basis. Everything I did never quite measured up. If I cooked for him, I was coddling him. If I didn't, he missed the old days. If I (gently) reminded him to do something (such as going to the bank, or laundry - which I offered to do and he refused) I was too mature and serious all the time. The times he did accept help, he'd complain after; that I shouldn't have offered. If I stopped reminding him, not only would his life get chaotic, but I was also too withdrawn. He knew I was conservative and wanted to be a stay at home mom from the start but started pushing me towards being more career-focused, saying he usually went for girls that were high-earners or in the same field, etc. The job that I do, that pays all my bills, wasn't good enough (and it's absolutely nothing weird; just doesn't require a degree). That all turned into him getting physical by grabbing my arm too tight one day. I let it slide because it was no big deal. It bruised, but it'd be fine. There were two other situations in which my consent (or lack thereof) was ignored. He apologized for both these situations but didn't seem to understand the gravity of the situation. It still got worse, more complicated, more tiring. So I decided to leave. I thought that it would obviously not translate into marriage, and if it did it would be a miserable one, so why stay? But now that I've left, I keep thinking: it was easy staying with him most of the time. I didn't have to meet anyone new. I didn't have to go on dates and do that awkward dance. I'm 23, turning 24 soon; I have less time than I did before. I'm hitting the wall soon. I can do a few things to keep myself from hitting it in a year or two, yes, and I am, but it's still a reality I'll face eventually. I also don't think that he felt the breakup as strongly as I thought he would. I felt he would protest it more. Care more. He has messaged me since then, he says he misses me... but he's keeping his distance. And I don't understand why it's easier for *him* to do that than it is for me. Please feel free to pick apart all my thoughts and be completely honest.",,1,thethrowaway4help,2023-06-30 21:28:28 RedPillWomen,14nhb0z,"To be fair, I agreed to this.","Hey guys, looking for advice. I’m fairly new to the RP movement and lifestyle and I truly believe in many ways it has made me a better girlfriend. My current boyfriend showed me a few pods, Pearly things and fresh and fit, and I align with many of the values they preach. We’ve have many many deep discussions about the expectations for the relationship going forward and what we want as far as family life. However, there’s a few things I’ve had to learn to accept as he says it’s something that’s just a part of life. And things I’ve never had to deal with in the past with non RP partners. This is the hard part, how do I handle him wanting to and seeking to sleep with other women? I can see from his perspective why he feels he is deserving of this and he explains to me that it is his innate biological drive to have variety and to “get after it” as he says. I’ve agreed to this and I know it’s happening, however I can’t handle knowing any details and I prefer he leaves me out of it completely because it brings me to a darker place mentally. How can I not let this control my mind? I feel like it’s all I think about now that I know it’s happening more frequently. He reassures me a million times over that he is only using these women for sex and that I’m always going to be his main girl, his wife. I just need guidance on how to get over the fact that he seeks outside attention… even when he gets more than enough from his “main”.",,0,Famous_Speaker_3248,2023-07-01 00:49:45 RedPillWomen,14n6u5s,Hurt and confused about boyfriends calls,"Hi guys . I may need some advice. So my boyfriend of a year the past 2 months or so he will call me and when I answer he sounds so rushed , I hardly get a chance to talk and then he will say he has to go to do XYZ. he just sounds rushed stressed and I find it a bit rude how he is rushing me off the phone. I’m going to say his mood seems low lately aswell . I know hes stressed with his personal life at the minute but I find if he’s going to call me , can he not at least try and be upbeat and habe a few minutes of nice conversation if the call is only 2 mins or so. I don’t mind the calls being short but I am getting upset everytime he called he seems to be rushed stressed , and doesn’t seem like he’s happy to talk to me. It’s confusing because he mis called me 20 times yesterday when I was asleep so I thought he was excited to speak to me, when I eventually answered it was the same , short rushed low mood and stressed. What do I do? Its starting to upset me . I don’t feel important anymore or like he’s happy to talk to me. I have already tried telling him I wish we could talk more. Should I maybe put a boundary up and send a message saying dont call me unless you will be less harsh with me? I don’t know how to approach this in a non anxoious way. Thanks",,1,elsafrozen123,2023-06-30 17:36:53 RedPillWomen,14mud7s,"Where to get nice long-sleeved silk pajama tops, smocks, or nightgowns that are breathable and not overheating?","I have severely sensitive and dry skin. I need some things to sleep in that are long sleeved, but won't make me sweat in the summer. I need this so that my nighttime lotions and serums (both medicated prescription ones and non) can soak into my skin while I sleep, since I use some heavy duty occlusive and emollient stuff, and oils, tons of oils.",,3,thisisntaccessible,2023-06-30 08:16:00 RedPillWomen,14lya28,"Peter pan syndrome for a 47 y/o man who started a ""relationship"" with a 16y/o?","Hi everyone, I'm not sure if this is the right community to ask this, but I just feel safer around women and I know I won't be judged or sexualized here. When I was 16 years old, one of my teachers started making me fall in love with him. I had no idea what I was doing, I was 16, but he knew perfectly. He would leave me my favourite chocolate on my desk, he would send me invitations to play trivia, talking to my friends, just the things you do when you are in high-school and you like someone. But he was not in high-school, he was a teacher. Through the years, this ""relationship"" continued to the point that 10 years later I still have PTSD and depression. That's some background. Also, he was married and with children of course (one of them only 1 year younger than me). During these years, time and again, he behaved like a child, I just wasn't able to see it. He would run away every time things got a bit hard, he would lie his way out of anything and then say he never lied. He liked to talk a lot with the students, but to the point that it seemed he liked expending more time with them than with the other teacher adults, which can be fine, but not in this situation. Basically, my question is, do you think this man had the Peter pan syndrome or was just a predator, or both? Maybe is good to mention that he was pampered by his dad A LOT, to the point that his sibilings recent his dad, but he thinks he is basically God. It was not the first time he started a ""relationship"" with a student, the last one managed to escape on time, so she did not have to go through everything I did, but still, 2 students he did this to in the only 2 years that he was working as a teacher (not consecutively). I'm still trying to understand everything that happens, my adolescent brain ended up blended because of all this, I did not deserve this, I was just a kid. So please, if someone could give me their honest opinion, I would appreciate it forever. Thank you for reading and I wish you a great day ❤️ ",,15,allyouneedbyva,2023-06-29 07:25:37 RedPillWomen,14lhx76,I realized I'm addicted/drawn to drama. Tips on how to overcome that?,"Hi all! After posting here a few times about potential partners and decisions I've made, I was forced to do some self-reflection and realized that I'm addicted or drawn to drama. Unconsciously I feel drawn to partners that either seem unavailable or emotionally unstable, and stay in situations that are clearly not good, complicated, and ridden with arguments and fights. I then explain it (to myself & others) as me enjoying the moments that *are* good. I realized, however, that though I am attracting the type of men that I desire rationally (dominant, in control of their own emotions, mature, religious, etc) I continue to feeling drawn and attached to men that are the complete opposite to that. I feel like I'm drawn to the drama and the obstacles that come with those men. I grew up in a very complicated, very difficult family dynamic: I'm used to things that are objectively negative or toxic. I also know I have a tendency to take on a motherly role and try to fix people because I didn't have such a presence in my life. I am currently in therapy but that's a slow process. I was just wondering if any of you have felt or dealt with a similar situation and how you managed to deal with the urge of becoming involved with difficult/immature/emotionally unavailable men.",,12,templilwitch,2023-06-28 18:59:50 RedPillWomen,14kx17l,Boyfriend traveling with a female friend without telling me. Is this wrong or I'm just being over?,"I don’t usually take things onto the internet but I felt very cornered and stressed. Could you tell me your opinions? &#x200B; >TL/DR: BF (35M) invited a female friend as his +1 to a wedding overseas that I cannot attend, and did not tell me (30F) the 1 week traveling plans he had to me before it. I already communicated in the past when he invited this friend to wedding that I am uncomfortable he did that. Is this wrong or I'm just overreacting? Have made a mistake to went ahead and emotionally vomit on him via text/call, how should I handle this when he's back in 1.5 weeks? &#x200B; I(30F) have a boyfriend(35M) of half year who recently was traveling to his home country for a wedding he invited me to (but I wasn’t able to attend due to financial and time constraint). We’ve dated for six months at this point A month before the trip he told me that he invited his female friend as his +1 for the wedding. At this point I was already very unhappy and I told him how it makes me very sad because it felt as if he doesn’t even think that I would mind and doesn’t consider my feelings. (In my culture bringing someone as a +1 is a big thing). He reasoned that their wedding culture is very different (lasts 8-10 hours) and he didn’t want to get stuck being talked to by strangers he doesn’t know because he’s alone and doesn’t want to be alone when people are dancing. So I suck it up. Fast forward the wedding passed and then he was traveling. During the updates I asked if he was alone he said he’s with friend (he did tell me that he will be traveling with friends but didnt specify which friend and how many of them are traveling together) so I asked if it’s the wedding partner friend he said yes and when asked if just the two of them he said yes. And they’re going to be traveling together for 5-6 days! I can’t believe this! He’s currently still traveling with this girl that I didn’t know of, I don’t even know what she looks like. Needless to say, I made the mistake of going a bit over on the texting and calling. It is very exasperating that he didn’t find this an issue, to him his friend asked him where he was going and if she can tag along (he said she knew he have a girlfriend). He also said that he asked his other friends but no one wants to join (most of them are married or attached). And so to him it’s just two long-time friends traveling together. It might be a miscommunication, but I just don’t get why he doesn’t tell me about it until I asked. And he is unapologetic about it (come to think of—he never said sorry during our relationship whenever we have a serious argument because he never felt he was in the wrong) I don’t know what to feel right now because while I’m going through a tough time at work (which I have told him before I found out they're traveling together), I’m also not able to focus with this situation taking a lot of headspace. I am feeling very insecure (to me it’s not normal to travel with a friend of the opposite sex AND not telling my partner whom I’m in a relationship with unless I dgaf about their feelings) and he is not doing anything to mend the situation, it just felt like his needs are more important than mine. I also understand he is on vacation so the last thing he wants is to have an argument on the phone. But at the same time, I’m also feeling very angry with myself for putting up with this. And I just feel like this issue might happen over and over in the future since now it's already the second time. I saw another similar thread up here, and would like to ask the same question—am I disrespecting myself if I stay in this relationship? Or am I overreacting about this whole situation?",,13,otonat,2023-06-28 02:24:02 RedPillWomen,14k72qc,How can I gently help my boyfriend see that he doesn’t actually want what he says his dreams are?,"This is going to sound quite arrogant so please tell it to me straight if I need to change my perspective. I’ve (23F) become convinced that my boyfriend (21M) isn’t actually interested in what he says he’s interested in career-wise. For context, we met in college, have been dating 3 years, we’ve both been out of college a couple years, and we both have good steady jobs. He basically has roughly two main interests. For privacy, I’m going to change the exact interests - let’s say that one of his interests is cryptocurrency and the other is plant biology. He’s been expressing a lot lately that he wants to get out of the career he is currently in, and find a job related to cryptocurrency (again, not _actually_ cryptocurrency). I was originally totally in support of this, he’s a really smart guy and I think he should follow his dreams. The problem is that…. I don’t actually think he likes crypto currency?? I learned a bit about bitcoin and even took a class about it in college so I could keep up with him - but whenever I try to talk about it with him he says he’s tired and would rather talk about something lighter. He had an opportunity to get involved in blockchain research and for weeks he complained about the project, telling me he thought the particular niche research topic was stupid. Finally, he emailed the professor, said he had too much on his plate, and dropped the research project. On the other hand, he’s always had this side interest in plant biology. He read a lot of books about plants in highschool and volunteered at an urban farm in college. When we walk together, he’s quick to offer his opinions on what he thinks about the planters on the sidewalks. He’s always sending me these incredibly nerdy YouTube videos about different plants from exotic parts of the world and we’re partway through planning a complicated vacation to go to a national park. Unlike with crypto, I don’t have to pry to get him talk - this man will talk my ear off about chlorophyll and honestly it’s really cute to see him get all excited like that. I’m a big fan of Laura Doyle and her philosophy has worked really well for us so far. My boyfriend had pretty overbearing parents growing up and takes a lot of pride in making his own decisions. But I can’t help but worry that he’s only interested in pursuing crypto because its an exciting hot field right now and he’s trying to quell his insecurity that pursuing plant biology or staying in his current career isnt “enough” or isnt “impactful” enough. I wish he could see that plant biology and his current career are both really impactful already. Now he’s making plans to quit his job and move to the Bahamas to be closer to the crypto scene. (I would move with him if he went) while simultaneously gearing up to study for hours to prepare for crypto job interviews (competition is fierce and most people study for months for these job interviewers). He went through this hellish interview process once before (and failed) but the process was really hard on our relationship and I missed him a lot. Selfishly, I like seeing him happy and excited and don’t like when he’s stressed. How should I handle this situation? So far, I’ve basically just tried to respond supportively to both topics when they come up and do things to reduce his stress level.",,7,Margareydragonslayer,2023-06-27 07:49:44 RedPillWomen,14izlzu,How to find a Christian partner?,"Hi all! I’m F18, and I really want to date/marry a man who is kind, gentle and understanding. I dress modest, am clean, and try to look presentable. Personality wise I would say I am not obnoxious, bossy etc. I can kind of be a people pleaser but I’m working on it. My hobbies include watercolours, cooking, and spending time with my family. I am in school as well as working. One of my jobs is Sunday mornings (until the end of August), so it’s really hard for me to attend church. I wouldn’t have chosen this job but it was to help out a family member who is struggling so I felt I had to. Where else besides church do you find Christian young men? And how do you vet the genuine men from men who aren’t true with their intentions? I have Asperger’s/ high functioning autism so it’s hard for me to tell. Thank you in advance, ladies.",,8,girlanachronist,2023-06-25 22:37:33 RedPillWomen,14ixnzd,Should I put on my dating profile that I have a high body count?,"I (25F) have slept with either 13,15, or 16 people. I know this is ridiculously high. The idea of being rejected for it terrifies me. I am thinking of putting it in my online bios just so I can bypass the rejection on dates inevitably when guys find out, and only go on dates with guys who are ok with it. Is this a good strategy y/n?",,0,[deleted],2023-06-25 21:19:45 RedPillWomen,14hyghj,"Bohemian, artistic, spiritually alternative BUT STILL TRADITIONAL cities?","Hi I am a woman looking to relocate somewhere with a spirit of creativity artistry and alternative spirituality but still has traditional values when it comes to family and dating. I lived in Los Angeles for years. Worked in tv and film. But in general I feel the majority of Los Angeles is in the pits. I was always stressed burned out and became jaded. I moved to a different area of California and it’s much more relaxed but still there is no creative high vibe Essence here. And it’s so expensive I mainly find two income households or single moms both where the women are extremely stressed unless retired. I’m not interested in giving my best energy to a job that still doesn’t pay enough for the cost of living to struggle and still be stressed. Any artistic, bohemian, or alternative spirituality priestess redpill women find a city or community within a city that is the oasis for us to come and gather? I’m definitely not completely conservative but LA people said I’m very conservative, lol. I would say I am a moderate who believes in the culture of dating to marry not stay in decade long situationships to pay the rent like I am seeing in Southern California. I am only interested in dating men who love these aspects about me, not viewing them as a distraction. I am only interested in dating providers whether I work or not. The Conciousness is so locked down where I am. It seems like everyone is just living to pay the rent and not really living. What cities have you moved to that are affordable during your single and dating days, the work culture is respectful and pay matched cost of living, and or have a vibrant artistic, creative, or spiritual scene? The laid back days of Southern California are over. Women here are fit, beautiful, and even highly paid… while still living in survival mode. I just want to be free and find the right one and live near the right communities for me. Anyone one out here feel like this?",,6,Knowyourdeductible,2023-06-24 17:23:50 RedPillWomen,14h5x0p,Forced to become masculine,"Hello i’m 19 (F), and though i’d like to be feminine, which I am fairly in appearance. I cannot help but feel my life situations have caused me to masculinize as well as continue on to do so. I’ve had to take care of myself a lot of my early teen years, so I never was able to develop that much softness, because it felt like I was in survival mode, I reject forms of emotional expression/intimacy, as well am pretty fixed and content with being on my own and my independence. I feel I constantly have to hustle for myself, and be tough, otherwise this world would’ve ended up breaking me. I am a naturally ambitious person as well which pushes me further into it I believe. But I guess idk how to be more feminine internally because the world never has let me, and I cannot let myself.",,26,Appropriate-Carry-78,2023-06-23 18:28:55 RedPillWomen,14h9lpi,What to do when partner stops pursuing you,"Hi guys, I’m somewhat new to the RPW community and trying to better myself. I would like some advice on how a RPW would act during tough times in the relationship. Me (F31) married to 38M for 8 years, together for 13. We have one child together who is 7 months old. When my child was 3 months old, his sister wanted to have her baby here and he invited her to stay until the baby got his passport. So since February, she’s been living in our house. Ever since she’s been here it’s like I’m the third wheel. They spend so much time together it’s almost like they’re the couple and I’m the sister. He’s completely withdrawn from me ie. barely calls like he used to, when he comes home he just says hi to me and starts convo with her, he doesn’t try to include me in the convo when they’re speaking. Even when he’s at work they’re talking on the phone. I have to hear it from HER when he’s coming home. We already have a sexless relationship so that’s not happening either. It’s gotten extremely difficult for me because he pays no attention. Yes he pays all the bills, is an honest man, protector and a great father, but really withdrawn from me. She’s leaving soon now that her baby has the passport. I don’t want to come to him saying “you give me no attention and give it all to her.” I don’t want to chase him. In the past I’d immediately start a fight and complain about the lack of attention. That approach just pushes him further away. What do you guys suggest I do?",,16,Ineedbabies123,2023-06-23 20:59:05 RedPillWomen,14fiet0,What does 'vet' mean?,Just exactly like the title says. I read a lot of this term on this sub and i want to know more about it. And other familiar words used in this sub. Help must be highly appreciated 🫂,,2,Direct-Ad-5394,2023-06-21 20:27:22 RedPillWomen,14f2ztw,How to backtrack now that everyone thinks I'm a gold digger?,"I used to date broke men and recently came to the realisation that I want to date high value, provider men. But I have been so stupid and too transparent with my intentions that everyone in my social circle and my friends know what I am looking for, and would classify me as a broke girl who wants to marry rich, ie a gold digger I feel like this has deteriorate my social value, for example I had been stop getting invites to parties and my friends blew me off for meet ups etc. What can I do now to increase my social value again? Or how do I be more discreet?",,8,lianne_tran,2023-06-21 09:36:12 RedPillWomen,14euikq,Tips for nun mode?,"Hello all! I’m seeking advice on making nun-mode as useful as possible. I ended things with the guy I was dating (he turned out to be a great guy, just not the right fit), and now am planning on going nun-mode for approximately the next two years, and I’ll explain my reasons for doing so. First and foremost, I’m planning on joining the military. This means I’ll spend the next year preparing and training and while I could date during that time, in the next year I’ll be spending 3 months with no phone access (basic), and 6 months after that with very minimal free time (secondary training, pretty much). This is not conducive to dating, and I can’t imagine that a military future would appeal to many men. Note: I am NOT looking for any feedback on this decision; I’ve spent a lot of time carefully considering my options, and for a variety of reasons this is what I feel is the best choice for me. I do plan on only four years, so I’m hoping to date in the latter 2 years of my enlistment. Secondly, I need to improve my choice in men. My first boyfriend was not good to me, and although my second boyfriend treated me very well, he didn’t exactly seem like a good choice on paper. I find myself drawn to guys that I know would not be a good fit for me long-term, so I need to figure out why that is (for example, I’m liberal and am drawn towards very conservative men for some reason) Third, I had significant anxiety in both of my relationships, and I want to figure out why and how I can fix that. Goals: Invest time in journaling and evaluating my taste in men, to hopefully improve so I can pick men better aligned with my values (any advice/resources would be great!) Learn about relationship anxiety and identify my areas of insecurity (any book recs?) Get better at doing makeup and hair (nun mode, why not?) Any resources, or suggestions on goals to add would be wonderful, thank you! I’m 21 and will be 23 when I plan on exiting nun mode, which I feel is young enough that I’m not worried. Thank you all for your time!",,15,Latter-Cranberry4508,2023-06-21 02:13:55 RedPillWomen,14ev05t,How to act more feminine as someone with a more masculine haircut/wardrobe,"26 year old gal here. I've been lurking here for a while and have learned a lot from everyone. I definitely don't fit the""feminine"" stereotype. I love my short hair and I know not all guys are attracted to that. But I have 0% interest in growing it out. I also have no interest in wearing makeup. That being said, I like a lot of the RPW ideas and want to incorporate them into my own life. Wondering if anyone has any tips for me to consider moving myself a little bit more towards feminine appearance and behavior? I'm newly single and going to be getting back into the dating world soon, so I want to put my best self out there. **Appearance:** Do you have any tips for how to dress/appear more feminine? I was considering getting my lashes tinted/lifted, maybe getting a second ear piercing to try out new jewlery options. I am also needing to update my wardrobe. Not a huge fan of dresses as pants are more functional for my day to day activities, but I would consider ading some to my wardrobe. I am fairly tall (5'10"") and often womens clothing (long sleeves, pant lengths) don't fit me so I resort to mens clothes. I really get stressed out shopping because it's sooooo hard to find clothes that fit me well. But I'm going to try. **Behavior:** How can I behave more feminine? I am often loud and can be argumentative/competitive. I don't want to change my whole personality but I would like to make a shift, whatever that looks like for me. I grew up in a chaotic household so I tend to come off a bit strong, and I know this can turn people off. Thanks for any advice you can provide!! **TL;DR I'm looking for ways to increase my femininity in other areas (wardrobe, jewelry, behavior, etc) to make up for my less feminine hairstyle.**",,11,Artistic-Physics7598,2023-06-21 02:35:59 RedPillWomen,14es08a,How do you stop shit-testing men?,I think I unconsciously shit-test men. How do I stop?,,14,[deleted],2023-06-21 00:14:00 RedPillWomen,14f0zzi,Family/Partner Conflict and Different Expectations,"Hi all, Advice needed please! I’d like to start by saying my partner and I have a great relationship, he’s truly a wonderful man and will do all he can to help people (his friends and family) and we have the same down to earth values, ideas on children etc. We are also both homebodies and have complimentary interests, and both find large social gatherings to be very overstimulating. The issue is, I come from a very big family on both sides (one parent had five siblings, the other four) plus cousins and now my cousins children. My mum’s side are LOUD, gossipy and opinionated. As a child, I had no choice but to attend family gatherings (twice yearly) but would end up seeking peace in the bathroom for twenty minutes or so a couple times because it was just too much for me. There is also a history of abuse with one of my cousins which my partner is aware of, but no one else is. My partner on the other hand comes from a small family who are very quiet. His dad has undiagnosed autism and they don’t have “get togethers” so we only see them in a one-to-one environment. My mum (an extrovert) has expectations that we should attend all family events and villainises my partner if we don’t as she thinks it’s because of him that I’m not going, and I’m struggling with how to deal with it. Sometimes I like to attend for a few hours to catch up with everyone, but my partner struggles with spending time with them all and, particularly because of the abuse and interacting with that cousin, refuses to go. This has led to some “jokey” (read: snide) comments from my Aunties and my Mum questioning my choice of partner which is making spending time with her one-one-one uncomfortable. Has anyone dealt with something similar in the past and can offer advice on how to deal with: 1. My mum 2. Any comments family make 3. Firm but polite statements I can use when I don’t want to attend I’m 26 and focussed on a future with my partner so I want to make sure he feels listened to and that he is my main priority, while balancing a relationship with my mum and extended family. Currently I feel like I’m stuck in the middle and bound to lose a relationship one way or another. Thanks for any advice you can offer.",,4,alwayscold666,2023-06-21 07:43:03 RedPillWomen,14ebmha,Empowering your captain: my field report,"One piece of RPW advice I find very common but difficult to follow in practice is this: [Bring your problems to your man, but not the solution.](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/4i8ukh/bring_your_captain_your_problem_not_your_solution/?st=jnl0inp7&amp%3Bamp%3Bsh=56220851)This is something I personally struggle with on and off but it still one of my favorites. Backstory: My mother is the complete antithesis to this advice. She *nags* and *demands* things of my father constantly, to the point that it makes it less pleasant to be around her. She runs the ship. There is no space to question the decisions, she wants you to just obey. My father's spirit in this regard has been crushed for a long time (and surprising no one here, he's never in a hurry to meet her demands so my mother isn't exactly living a joyful life either). This is what was modeled for me growing up and even though I've always known deep down (before RPW) that I wanted my husband to *lead me* I fought it in practice. I first found RPW several years ago when my husband and I were beginning the talk on engagement. I was not a good partner at this time. I nagged. I [shit tested](https://illimitablemen.com/2014/12/14/the-shit-test-encyclopedia/). I picked fights and criticized him constantly. Guys I was *awful*. RPW is what finally made me acknowledge what I knew all along, that if I didn't get my act together I would lose him, and he is *not* a man you'd want to lose. So I began implementing the tools. I wanted to really embody the role of [first mate](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/psr3zs/back_to_basics_september_the_captainfirst_mate/) (I always did better in support roles despite my mother constantly telling me I was just letting people steamroll me). In my experience this piece of advice (bring your problems to your captain, not solutions) works best when your man is already established and comfortable in the captains seat. I started with other changes: knowing when to [STHU](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/pwrd5m/back_to_basics_september_stfu/), fostering good communication, dropping those shit tests; so that when I tell him I'd like to follow his lead he didn't question me. He steps up right away. So fast forward until now, when I can give a field report that I'm so proud of. We welcomed a beautiful baby girl several months ago. During my pregnancy it became clear that the area we lived in was getting worse crime wise (there were gunshots every night, drive bys, loud music, people on drugs going in and out of the house across the street...and more). We hadn't planned on moving for a few more years and my husband was putting money away for it. I started getting anxious and wondering what kind of childhood my baby would have. I dreamed of my little ones growing up playing in the yard but who would let their kids do that when there were shoot outs across the street? Finally one day when an incident big enough to hit the local news happened I broke down and told my husband how I felt. I hated this place, didn't feel safe and wish we could leave. No demands, just an[ open and mature check in.](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/pu41u9/back_to_basics_september_the_essential_duties_of/) Literally the next day he started crunching numbers. He made a plan and we have officially moved to a much safer area where gunshots don't wake the baby up. It was not a fun process, moving never is (especially for him balancing all this stuff with his work). But he did it for me, he told me it was important to him I felt safe. I brought him my problem and he took action to fix it. I think even if I never found RPW and implemented those tools we'd have still gotten married but I honestly don't believe I would have a husband willing to go so far for our family. I think he would have been crushed like my poor father. I've never made a post before despite participating on other accounts throughout the years, and I'm honestly not sure if anyone will be able to get any insight from this but to be quite honest I wrote this out of happiness. I still have a lot to work on but I'm proud of the results so far. (P.S I really hope the formatting, especially the links, work okay. I'm having a lot of problems with my keyboard so I had to really work around the problem lol).",,57,Doom-Vixen,2023-06-20 13:47:36 RedPillWomen,14erzqg,How to become pretty?,What should I do to become pretty?,,9,[deleted],2023-06-21 00:13:23 RedPillWomen,14e3xzo,Getting out of his way is the best thing I've ever done.,"For as long as I can remember, the idea of allowing another person, no matter how competent and trustworthy, to dictate choices in my life has been a ludicrous idea, even since I started to embrace traditional marital roles. I had a lot of experience with being led into hard times earlier in my life, and so a desire to control everything has been ingrained in me. But, I decided.... *fuck it*. I married my husband because I knew he had all the great qualities of a leader, so why would I not let him do that? And once I did do that, *things changed*. Since deciding to step back a few things have happened. 1. We have gotten a vehicle which we have desperately needed for a few years. 2. We have purchased an expensive item that he needed for school. 3. I am on track to get a washer and dryer in our house next month. 4. We have had more dates. 5. We started planning for multiple vacations. 6. We both finally started getting in *really* good shape, because we could invest in that. 7. We eat a lot healthier. 8. In general, we have started saving more money and spending less frivolously, focusing more on big goals and investing in ourselves. It's amazing what just getting out of the way will do when you're with a genuinely great man. I thought I knew everything, that I needed to be in control of everything, that he needed me to help him. But, I was just getting in the way with worry and doubt. That's hard to admit, but the results speak for themselves.",,73,[deleted],2023-06-20 07:14:06 RedPillWomen,14d4yt0,"Strong desire to start dating again, but can't seem to attract the type of man I am looking for","Hello RPW, sorry for the long/detailed post ahead! I'm 20 and I'm really hoping to start dating again, as I have been single for exactly a year now, and have a strong desire to marry young. I have never had much luck with guys throughout my life. I met my first boyfriend online (by chance, not on a dating app). We dated for over a year, and he ultimately left me because he wasn't attracted to me (ouch). His lack of physical attraction towards me was the only reason he broke things off. He's the only guy I've ever been with. I am a Christian dating strictly for marriage, and I'm saving my virginity for my future husband. Other than my ex, I have never been on a date in my entire life. I've never even been asked out on a date either, not even once. I was completely invisible to men up until I met my ex, but have noticed that I am starting to get male attention here and there after I started putting more effort into my appearance. However, I can't seem to attract anyone who I'd even consider dating. I have only been able to attract men who are unattractive (objectively, I promise it's not just me being picky), overweight, or 2-3x my age. I have very recently started to get cold approached (it's happened 2-3 times this month), but these men don't want anything but a hookup. I have never once in my life had mutual attraction with a guy (other than my ex, but I don't even think it counts because of why the relationship ended). It's either me liking a guy and he doesn't like me, or the guy likes me and I don't like him. Yes, I am picky because of my female nature, but I am not ridiculously picky. I have been interested in many guys that I felt zero physical attraction towards initially, and try to focus on guys within my own league. This could all mean that I'm significantly more unattractive than I had previously thought, but I really hope this isn't the case. I have been told in the past that I am exactly a 5, but could improve to a 6 if my acne cleared up. I am not overweight by any means, I have been an active all my life and have a relatively thin/athletic frame. I have also been told that I'm cute, but don't have any sex appeal. I dress modestly and don't wear anything tight/cropped/revealing. This year I have grown my hair out, improved my wardrobe, started wearing necklaces and painting my nails, as well as a few other small changes. In the past, my wardrobe consisted of mostly just hoodies, leggings, and athletic sneakers. Now I mostly wear skirts and dresses. I used to have shoulder length hair that I'd only wear up in a ponytail, and now I wear my long hair down. I used to avoid any makeup, nail polish, and jewelry. Now I paint my nails, wear very light makeup (just concealer, and the occasional tinted lip balm), and wear a little bit of jewelry. I have been told by multiple men these same few things: 1) ""You are the nicest/sweetest girl I've ever met in my life."" 2) ""You have the best personality out of any girl I've ever met in my life."" 3) ""You are perfect wife material, you are going to make a man so happy some day."" I am extremely traditional and anti-feminist, which often throws men off guard when I talk about it in conversations. They are very impressed by this, tell me that they have so much respect for me because of this, and tell me that my personality is extremely attractive. I am flattered by the compliments, but I rarely receive compliments based on my physical appearance (but on the bright side, two guys called me pretty this month, which is a first!). I feel like I am friendzoned. Men love and appreciate my personality, but I'm simply not attractive enough for them to actually want to date me. I have been told that online dating would be helpful for me. Online dating is a last resort option for me, as I really want to meet a guy in real life. I don't want to seem ""desperate"" and have to seek guys out myself (online) as a result of not being able to find a man IRL (since I know a lot of men in my social circle). My social circle is very solid (my church and my college ministry), and there are 4-5 guys from those circles that I'd totally be down to date. None of them are actively pursuing me, and I don't know how long I should wait for this to happen before ""giving up"" and going on the apps. Should I set a timeline for myself in regards to this? I originally told myself that if nothing happens to me romantically by the end of the summer, I'll begin to look for a man online. I feel sad and discouraged, but I'm working on accepting my place in the ""greater chain of being"". The amount of male attention I'm getting is increasing, but I'm still not ""casting a wide enough net"" to attract guys that I could see as a future husband prospect. Are there any other changes I can make to improve my SMV/physical appearance? Any advice regarding my situation is welcome. Please be kind though (I am sensitive, lol😅). Thank you so much for taking the time to read all of this! Edit: I just wanted to say thank you for all of the thoughtful comments! They really mean a lot, I really appreciate each and every one of them. I will reply to them as soon as I get the chance!",,23,rpc_e,2023-06-19 05:00:08 RedPillWomen,14czqua,Communication and ‘feminine energy’," Okay so I’m confused about something When my partner isn’t doing what I want him to , I keep getting the advice on tik tok etc to just ‘pull your energy back’ and ‘don’t show nothing but act with the actions of pulling away’ As this apparently keeps your energy not masculine , but then how will they ever know what we need?? Does bringing up and issue, telling someone how you feel in a healthy ways such as ‘I feel’ statements and ‘can we ____ , this would make me happy ‘ , does this kind of communication make you have masculine energy or not ? I have had these issues in the past. All is ok now . I’m just trying to Learn",,9,onlyclarajane,2023-06-19 00:30:49 RedPillWomen,14cf7vk,Disabled ex husband,"My ex and I separated in 2019. Long story short, he had a brain tumor and now disabled. My family and I are taking care of him currently. I'm the breadwinner in my household. So I take care of my mom, my grandma, my ex husband and have to pay for the assistant / caregiver to help with things. I'm in my early 30's by the way. I'm making good money and we're living in an upscale community in my area. Yet I constantly feel burnt out, I don't even know how to describe it anymore but I feel like this is not how I want to live my life. I'm longing for a man that I can look up to, that leads, provides and protects. Yet it feels wrong to even think about that. I'm miserable and I don't know what to do. Would love to hear anything from you all. Thanks",,19,Resident_Annual6752,2023-06-18 08:33:46 RedPillWomen,14bvgje,Your Home is a Reflection of You,"The home is a reflection of the woman that lives in it, is something my mom always used to say to us girls. When we were younger, me and my sisters would hate it when my mom would host because it meant a whole day of cleaning and being in the kitchen. Anytime someone visits, we would maintain to the upkeep of the house a bit more than usual. Now that we have left the nest, I sometimes wonder how many of those lessons my mom gave us truly stuck. A few days ago, our place was due for a routine inspection for the fire alarm batteries. So maintenance would be in and out of the apartment in less than 10 minutes. My sister woke up hours before they were set to arrive and deep cleaned the entire house. Her action made me reflect on how we were raised, and my parents marriage. My parents marriage is something that sets the foundation for what I will look for in a spouse and marriage. It’s hard to find a couple treat each other as good as they do. A few things they did, I am going to share with you guys. - My parents never disclosed conflict between themselves to us. They kept each others secrets. If we somehow found out, my parent would have each others backs. - If they were upset with one another, and a guest arrived, they would set their feelings aside. They always looked and behaved like a team. They didn’t leave space for people to get in between them. - My mom always had meals ready for my dad, on the clock. There were times he worked early and she would wake up at 4-5 am to prepare his breakfast and pack his lunch. - They never raised their voices at each other. - When my dad came back from work, she would give him an hour or two to decompress. This was more pertinent when we were younger. We always knew not to bother dad after work. - Family issues stay in the family. No one ever found out about our conflict. - My dad trusted his money with my mom. She had access to all his accounts and he would let her manage it. My mom was the type to remember expenses dating back months. So my dad trusted her to manage the finances. - My mom lived according to my dads means. When my dad struggled financially, she would cut back on expenses and support him through it. She never stressed him out about the downgrades in lifestyle. - They always answered each others calls, even when busy. - My mom would clean up, and put herself together before my dad would come home. They both tried to look good for each other. - This last one I find very cute. They had the same bed time routine. They almost always slept at the same time, and waited for each other to sleep together. I would love to hear what you learned from your parents marriage.",,149,CreatingLov3,2023-06-17 16:35:58 RedPillWomen,14c7bac,What is pair bonding?,"People say that women lose the ability to ""pair bond"" after 5/6 partners. What does that mean, exactly? And can you get the ability back if you lose it? Thanks!",,14,[deleted],2023-06-18 01:15:28 RedPillWomen,14c3a13,Never taught how to be a wife,"Hi, I (f/30) am newly engaged to the love of my life (m/28). He is wonderful. He takes care of me, protects me, supports me, and is more than I ever dreamed of. I want to be the best wife possible for him, not only because I want to give back to the person who gives so much to me, but because he deserves it. That being said, I come from a long like of non domestic women. None were ""wives"" in the traditional sense. I'm posting here after being a long time lurker because I like the values and I want to be the type of wife described here. Does anyone have any basic advice they think all women should know? Anything you were taught that has helped in your marriage? Anything I should read or watch? (I did see the book suggested at the FAQ at the tip of the sub and downloaded that, but I'm not married yet so some things dont apply.) I know I will never stick to anything if I try to make a drastic lifestyle change, so I want to slowly start incorporating things into my days/mindset so they stick and I can commit to them. He just proposed last week and we haven't even thought about wedding planning yet, so hopefully I can start our marriage as the best woman possible.",,23,newlyfemininelady,2023-06-17 22:09:08 RedPillWomen,14bv2ph,Left holding the baby...,"Hi RedPillers, Looking for your words of wisdom! I love my husband but ever since we've had my little daughter we've disagreed on how much time he spends with her. I'm currently on maternity leave, and we've agreed that we could each have one night out each to go out. For me, this rarely happens, as by the time he's home from work it's too late for me to then go out and do anything, and often his work travel plans disrupt any arrangements I have made (this week, for example, i was due to see a friend for dinner - he's now away all week so I can't leave the baby, and the friend doesn't want to travel to where we leave). I don't mind midweek so much but in the weekends it seems he can't get out the door quick enough - birthday parties, trips for his godson, other events. None, it seems, that myself and his daughter are invited to, and I'm becoming increasingly resentful about it. This weekend he's off to a school reunion, largely with people he already knows, and once more it's just me and my daughter home alone. He knows how I feel about it but says he has a stressful job (which is true) and needs time to relax and let off steam. We had agreed to only do joint things at the weekend previously, but it seems there's always an exception (my friend's in town for one weekend only, it's not a couples event, it's too far to bring the baby) etc. Our entire calendar is booked up for the future, largely for him to see his friends, and I'm starting to get fed up. As a side note, I love spending time with our daughter and really cherish the moments with her during the week as I'm soon to go back to work. But, I'm getting increasingly resentful over his behaviour - not least as his trips often involve overnight stays and SLEEP. Something I haven't had myself since she was born in January! A hen do away was the exception to the rule, but now when I try and plan trips with other girlfriends, they are all busy... HELP!",,20,wherethew1ldth1ngsr,2023-06-17 16:19:13 RedPillWomen,14azwbc,"RPW, does anyone know a good online relationship coach who I can contact that will be able to give advice on my personal situation?","I’d really like to talk through an issue I’m having with a good coach. Does anyone know of any good ones? One with a more red pill stance. I contacted one years ago who was brilliant, but I have a similar issue to what I had years ago and I feel embarrassed to contact him again😅",,6,Red_rose49,2023-06-16 15:32:05 RedPillWomen,14b4y5l,Is this a red flag?,"Hi ladies, I need your perspective for understanding if some things observed in the man I am about to date are potential red flags. For many different reasons I was never really in the position of being ""cared for"" or ""courted"" by a man in a healthy way. I think plenty has to do with the relationship to my dad. I tried many years to restore this relationship and while I was somewhat successful I also had to kind learn to survive on and tolerate being breadcrumbed by both of my parents while I remained loyal to them for many years and I think this is how I kind of missed to get more clarity on what is healthy or normal and which is why I would like to ask you now for advice regarding few situations. To give you some background, we got to know each other within a group of people online that meet online occasionally to discuss or vent about politics and the current state of our world. He is similarly traditionally minded as me while be both also try to remain open to our times and the changes they bring. He already has a three year old daughter but would like to have a second child. We have openly talked from a theoretical perspective about our opinions about birth control and family values within this online group of people where we met. So this enabled us to have a quite honest start with each other. But of course, words are nothing, right? Since I have a background of difficult relationships and also family I am sometimes not certain if my boundaries are healthy, meaning neither too loose nor too strict and I would like to hear your opinion on few situations 1) we were talking on the phone spontaneously when we felt like it without any expectations attached to it and almost always when we end the phone call because either of us needs to do something he says something along ""lets talk/call again after"" to which I then responded either ""ok"" or ""let's see, how we have time"" or similar. But he almost never follows up on this. On contrary it can be that he does not connect again, neither via text nor phone, for the entire day. Few times I wrote later ""goodnight"" or ""sleep well"" to which he also does not respond, not even the next morning with a ""good morning, have a nice day"" or similar. I asked him what it means and his answer was that ""he sometimes is too much in his thoughts and then he forgets and also doesn't take it too serious"". Which I generally think is ok, if one is otherwise in touch more or less continuously throughout the day. However I think I need someone with a strong reliability regarding his words. So for me I am doubting that I can take someone serious who ""forgets"" within 30 minutes that he said he wants to call and does then not even remember to let me know that with respect to calling again he changed his mind. 2) we were on the phone yesterday and I had an important meeting at work today at 1pm. I said I cannot talk long because of the meeting, he also said he needs to sleep early. I tried several times to end the conversation mentioning the meeting. He wanted to continue to talk, which I accepted and in the end it was waaaay too long. Anyway we are both grown up and simply enjoyed talking to each other. However this kind of makes me feel somewhat unsafe regarding his judgment and his ability to make decisions ""for us""? Although this is of course way too early to tell,... He also did neither wish me success with the meeting this morning, nor did he ask in the afternoon how the meeting was. He is meeting some friends over the weekend and has a busy day today as well, so I also did not contact him. So it is ok if he is not interested in the details of my working life, fine with me. However usually in such a situation if would be normal to at least ask how things went? I mean even ""friends"" do that if one was e.g. partying the evening before something important...? 3) apparently he grew up somewhat wealthy but more with grandma instead of parents and his relationship with parents (particularly mom) is not very good. Apparently money was never a problem for him and when I told him how I had to build and earn everything I am today completely by myself he told me that he grew up more or less completely carefree and that he thinks about himself as lacking ambition because of that. So maybe this also explains why he is not taking my work very serious because he himself never had to care? I could in principle easily hand over some responsibility if he wanted to, however what I cannot handle longterm is to be responsible for ""my share"" while the other is not supportive of e.g. me getting enough sleep to be fully functional at work. Aside from that we are very respectful and considerate with each other and are slowly building trust and hopefully meet each other for the first time next week. We openly talk about red pill and such and think both that while red pill thoughts have some truth to them and the dynamic between man and woman we both prefer more balance with respect to ourselves. It is of course way too early to say anything, but then again is is probably best to understand about potential red flags before feelings and hopes cloud one's judgment. I will definitely meet him because otherwise we get along very well and it seems to be promising with respect to many things. So while for the moment I am only observing I guess that on the other hand I have somewhat difficulties in understanding the importance of these three points and how in the end I can understand how critical they actually are. It could be that he is too full of himself and actually not having enough ""space"" in his mind to think about someone else, which might also be because it is quite early and we have not met yet...?",,4,DelicateDevelopment,2023-06-16 18:58:18 RedPillWomen,14a90jy,Traditional and “Progressive” Men are not mutually exclusive,"There was recently a tiktok video that went viral of a “liberal” woman basically saying that all of the masculine men are conservative (she meant republican) and that “progressive” men are not masculine. She was saying that she can’t find a man that is both progressive and masculine/traditional, and questioning whether they exist. The comments completely tore her up saying that obviously progressive men are not going to be traditional. And that a progressive and traditional man obviously does not exist. Based on my experience living in a very blue state, this is completely untrue. Politics, especially regarding social issues, does not determine how a man or woman acts in their personal romantic relationships. Politics can be kept completely separate from the dynamics one chooses to practice in their romantic relationships. You can support gay rights and women’s rights/equality, while also choosing to be submissive in your relationship. Just because a man is progressive does not mean that he is not masculine. My current boyfriend would identify as a democrat (according to the US’s limited options). And he is one of the most genuinely and naturally masculine men I’ve ever been with or even met. He provides for me and takes care of me, but still supports women’s rights and my independence. I think there is such a stereotype among democrats especially that traditional men limit their female partner’s rights and autonomy. And that they are republican. I believe that sure a lot of conservative men are more traditional than “liberal” men, but this does not mean that liberal men are not traditional. Just because a man chooses the more traditional masculine role, and his counterpart chooses the more traditional feminine role, does not make these people automatically “right wing.” The girl in the video also talked about how she wants a traditional man but doesn’t want to be “confined to the homemaker role” and have to change her beliefs and have independence taken away. THIS IS NOT WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE WITH A TRADITIONAL/MASCULINE MAN!!! You are not “confined” to the homemaker role. Sure that may be part of your role, and maybe the majority of your role in the relationship if that’s what you and your partner decide. But you are not “confined” to that role. That’s just called being a good partner and sharing responsibilities. And you sure as heck don’t need to change your beliefs and have your independence taken away to be with a masculine man. I think a lot of masculine men would respect that. You don’t want to start arguments and be a difficult person to be around, and you want to find someone with similar values, of course. But this idea that being with a traditional man means giving up your independence of thought and freedom is just totally false. I live in an extremely liberal big city, and I identify as “democrat”, AND I’m in a traditional relationship. I submit to my partner and follow RPW. I don’t openly discuss this with my friends for fear of backlash, but I do make little comments here and there to test the waters. I see so many of my liberal girl friends and family struggling with their relationships and dating and I really wish I could introduce them to RPW but I know that would just blow up in my face so I never will. I wish people could understand that being in or desiring a traditional relationship is not equal to your rights being taken away or being a republican. I love RPW and this community. It’s truly made me a better person and helped me get the relationship of my dreams. I wish I could share what I’ve learned with everybody 🥲",,60,Exstntial-strawberry,2023-06-15 18:09:59 RedPillWomen,14asy93,"I've just seen an image of the man I have been longing for for years with his girlfriend, feeling distraught, need advice","Hi RPW. I am absolutely distraught right now. I met a man abroad a few years ago when I was 19. He had amazing qualities. I could list them but it will just remind me of them:(. He was perfect for me. We went out several times, but I stopped sex from happening in case I was to never see him again. Fast forward 3 years, I've had 2 boyfriends since. They did not compare to this man, the way he made me feel, his maturity, his good looks. He told me that if I was living near him he'd like to get closer to me. We would have been togethor if I was living near him:(. I've been longing for him for all these years. I told him I liked him a few months ago, and he told me he didn't feel the same way. I decided to let him know it wouldn't be good to continue speaking to him, especially that he has a girlfriend now. I've recently been to the country I met him in. My dad has a house there, but it's in a different place to where this man lives. I put stories up on instagram hoping he'd reply or anything. But nothing. I wish he'd message me:( Then today I saw he put some posts up with his girlfriend. They were hiking together. I love hiking. It could have been me. I feel so terrible. Will I find a man that makes me feel this way again? I really would appreciate advice.",,0,Red_rose49,2023-06-16 10:11:03 RedPillWomen,14a3ouo,Skyla IUD Hormonal Experiences.. is my IUD causing my depression?,"Hi all! Back in January, I had a miscarriage at 5 weeks. After, I went and got on Skyla IUD. I've never had great experiences with Birth Control but after the miscarriage, I decided to get back on to be safe. I've been on & off BC since I was 16. I got the IUD in March and since then, I have had the worst Mental Health Symptoms. I was recently diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder & Generalized Anxiety Disorder (I was diagnosed AFTER starting my IUD) I have always had a little bit of anxiety and depression but nothing that ever concerned me or after my daily life. My boyfriend and I have always been absolutely amazing. We never fought, We always laughed and joked. I've never questioned anything about our relationship. UNTIL, March. We started fighting constantly, I became extremely insecure and jealous over my boyfriend doing things, that I've never had an issue with him doing. We're fighting over very small things and it's having a huge impact on our relationship. I've always been a confident person but since I've started Skyla. my mental health, my image on myself has been in the shitter. Since starting the IUD, I have felt hopeless and numb. Numb is the best way to put it. I'm constantly feeling as though I'm a burden and I just have no motivation to do anything. The anxiety and depression has affected every part of my life. I've never had panic attacks either until starting the IUD, I've never had Suicidal ideation until I started the IUD. I've done my fair share of research, and it seems like this does happen to some women with IUD. I already have thyroid issues as well. I'm currently looking into getting my iud taken out because it really seems to be the root of it all. I just wanted to know if others had similar experiences with hormonal IUDS? What did you do to combat the extreme anxiety & depression.",,3,bball033098,2023-06-15 14:21:03 RedPillWomen,149kass,No women to share wedding planning joy with,"I got engaged this month and while I know I have quite a bit of time before a wedding, I can't help but feel kind of a pit in my stomach because I don't particularly have a lot of friends. I have three friends (all women and none whom I'd consider super close, but good friends nonetheless), two are in my hometown that's in another state. The one here is also recently engaged, but I tried talking about wedding planning and such with her and she has no interest in a wedding for herself, just elopement. I just feel like I don't really have the traditional excitement of planning a wedding because I don't have many friends and honestly none of my three friends share my values so it is more on a superficial keeping company level. I want to be able to have a nice wedding with a bridal party and all of that, but nobody really seems interested except me. I feel kind of sad and pathetic, it has been really hard making new friends here. I am thinking about asking fiancé's sisters to be my bridal party, but we aren't that close either. I'm just bummed that I don't really have a sort of close sisterhood to share this excitement with, talk about planning the wedding and so on. Are there any other women here who don't have many close bonds? Does anyone have any ideas on where to make friends? I've been thinking about joining a church maybe to find friends my age, but I am very intimidated and admittedly very shy. I suppose I am just getting this off my chest, I usually lurk this sub, but figured I'd make an account and at least reach out to women with similar values on the internet.",,22,[deleted],2023-06-14 21:52:19 RedPillWomen,14971s2,"What exactly is an ""alpha"" and why would a woman want to be in a relationship with him?",,,12,New-Noise802,2023-06-14 12:49:52 RedPillWomen,148p9ga,success? post - i’m not ugly. i just had low self esteem… and terrible style.,"thought i would make a positive update since my last two posts because of all the helpful advice i received 😊. i’ve been dressing more outwardly feminine lately and this has been my experience… i’ve been determined to completely change my style to attract the kind of men i’m actually interested instead of older men… and to actually get these men to approach me in person -_- and not on dating apps. i’ve been wearing a bunch of pretty outfits that fit my body - i figured out my kibbe body type and my colour season - it’s been a process but i’m getting the hang of it. i started waking up a bit earlier to give myself time to get ready in the mornings and put on a bit of makeup, that highlights my features but still pretty natural. i switched my glasses for contact lenses too when i’m out in public, i think i used my glasses as a shield of protection before because i felt naked the first day without them. well, it almost feels like i’m living in a whole different universe now with the sudden change 🤯 i’m getting more compliments and people have just be super nice and more accommodating towards me, it feels very weird and unusual. the compliments i’m receiving are not vulgar and actually quite well meaning and a few about my character even from some people i’ve barely spoken to haha. the most notable things that have happened so far… 1. a man offered to buy me lunch, i politely declined at first but he insisted so i agreed 🤷‍♀️ he asked to take me out for a drink but i politely declined again, he wasn’t really my type and i wasn’t interested and i don’t drink but he was very understanding about it and told me that i looked very beautiful and he could tell there’s something about my demeanour that’s ""just different"", in a good way apparently idk lol. 2. i went to the stationary store to buy some supplies for a final project for uni and the guy at the counter gave me a free pencil case because he said i was pretty. 3. i also went to a fruit and vegetable market in my city with a friend and we stopped at a stall and the guy working there gave me free produce!! it felt awkward at first since i was with my friend and he had only offered it to me but i took it anyways (and of course shared some with her 😌). he was smiling and waving at me when we were leaving. i know there’s people who get better stuff for free but this has never ever happened to me so it was exciting and i saved some money too 💅🏼 4. FINALLY younger guys around my age or a tiny bit older are noticing me now they still don’t really approach, just look at me smile but i’m being noticed nonetheless, even guys in my uni start conversations with me now or ask me how my work is going! it makes me feel really happy. before i would attract men in their 40’s-50’s and it made me feel terrible about myself but now i’d say it’s been men in their 20’s-30’s who i notice give me the most attention. 5. i was asked out by a cute man. but he is turning 29, and i didn’t want to go at first because i really wasn’t interested but decided why not so i met him, i didn’t go with the intention of it being a date tbh but we got along really well surprisingly!! half way through the meeting, he asked to take a picture with me?!! and then he tried again towards the end. he also tried to pick me up and carry me, which was a bit bizarre lol. he kept holding my waist the entire evening and tried to kiss me but i kinda dodged and explained to him that i didn’t want to kiss him and he was understanding about it. i didn’t let anything progress past the holding my waist bit really. after the meeting, he told me he thinks i’m very cute and really enjoyed spending time with me and wants to see me again. i decided not to see him again partly because of the age gap (i would like to me with someone max 3 years older) but the main reason was i think i am considering reconciling with my most recent ex and i would like to explore that. 5. lastly, i’ve been asked by like 3 people if i’m a model/if i would like to model for them. i’m not a model at all but i was flattered 🙈. so yeah i guess this is my success post of what has happened since i decided to change my appearance and really prioritize myself. i know it all sounds so made up, but it’s not i swear! i don’t feel sorry for myself anymore and i’m tired of feeling sorry for myself and not doing anything about it. i’ve concluded that i was never ugly, i just had low self-esteem and that was reflecting in my life/men i attracted. i feel so much more confident now from the little positive experiences i’ve been having. i’m going to make this a permanent change but i wanted to just say thanks to this sub for helping me understand/point out things i needed to fix. like i said it really feels like i’m living in a different universe",,30,burner4567890,2023-06-13 20:49:24 RedPillWomen,148bpdr,Why does it feel everything bad happens all at once?,"A little context: I’m 28 [F]. I was in a relationship with a man I loved (still do) for around 2 years. It was a long distance relationship and it caused me a lot of anxiety because he was rarely available to talk over calls or make plans. Last year I was laid off, I was fortunate enough to find a job within 2 days. New job gave me multiple friends I’m grateful for, but second lay off within 6 months! It was a startup and funding crunch was the reason for it. I have been searching but the market is bad. I’m trying to read, learn, workout, do all sorts of stuff. Tried to give Bumble a chance again (found my ex there too). Spoke with a guy for 15 days, met him 3 days ago. We spoke after the date, but no texts for last 48 hours. How long can you keep calm? I’m trying to wake up every day thinking I won’t hit saturation, but not sure how many lessons I have left in me. When it rains, it pours, but it has been like this for quite some time.",,10,AccomplishedSyrup814,2023-06-13 10:00:39 RedPillWomen,147qew8,"How to stop being perceived as hook up material, instead committal & wifey material of HVM?","I'm 23 and start dating again after ending my first relationship of 5 years I feel so discouraged because all of the men I met just want to have sex with me upon the first or second time of meeting me, I feel so disrespected like I'm only hook up material but not wifey But I'm actually a virgin, only kissed 2 men ever in my life and only got sexually intimate with my boyfriend. I do wear outfits with cleavage, but never trashy (think like Revolve dress with some cleavage) because they boost up my attractiveness as a whole Am I not attractive enough? What are the traits that HVM perceive as wifey material?",,24,lianne_tran,2023-06-12 15:55:46 RedPillWomen,1483akq,Advice on finding a therapist?,"Hi, I just created this account as I wanted to post here without getting banned from other subs 🙄. I have been quietly reading here for a while and it really makes me feel calmer hearing everyone’s responses and I guess just knowing there are other people who feel this way, and I’m not a total weirdo lol. Anyway I do have a question: I want to start seeing a therapist and I was wondering if anyone has any advice on how to find one that would be supportive of me wanting a male-led relationship. There are other things I want to discuss of course, but since that is an important goal of mine, and I feel that it is necessary for my happiness, it could be a waste of time to start working with someone who is against this fundamental goal of mine. On the other hand, since it’s rather a niche issue, it may be a waste of time to hold out for someone who aligns on this one issue, when they could be helpful in other areas, such as self-esteem, creating goals, and improving relationships. Any advice would be appreciated as I’m finding it hard to take the first steps and make an appointment. I’m in the US and I have good insurance and the ability to pay out of pocket, so that part isn’t a concern, which I am truly grateful for. Edit: Thank you all for your advice. I just tried responding to your comments but my account is too new and everything was auto-deleted, oops!!",,1,InevitableKiwi5776,2023-06-13 01:38:48 RedPillWomen,147u42j,Is this cheating?,"A few years ago I was in a relationship with this guy when I got really sick and had a psychotic break. I started believing all sorts of delusions, including that he had run off with another woman and died. During this time I approached another patient I was attracted to, but couldn't do anything with him, because of the staff. I would not have gone after this guy had I known my boyfriend was alive. Then the delusions subsided and I called my boyfriend out of guilt. He said it was cheating and so I tried to make it up to him by inviting him to the hospital to have sex. We did and then soon after I got out he asked to go on a break. A few weeks later I saw him on Facebook tagged ""in a relationship"" with another girl. When I confronted him he said that he didn't want to trigger my mental illness. Did I cheat? My therapist said I didn't but I'm not sure I really trust her. I want to know in case I need to apologize again. Also, what do I say when this topic comes up on dates?",,0,[deleted],2023-06-12 18:33:29 RedPillWomen,146xjsh,How do you know when you are in love with someone?,,,18,Maree70,2023-06-11 15:59:38 RedPillWomen,146o8u0,18 years old and no romantic experience,"I (18F) have never been taken on a date before, have never been kissed, have never held-hands with the opposite sex, nothing. I understand that I'm young, and it had never really bothered me per se, but as prom season approaches its been weighing on me more and more that, out of my many wonderful female friends, I am finally the last one to have never been seen romantically. Its painful. A bit of background. In my country middle-school/freshman year/sophomore year are called high-school and junior year/senior year are called college. In high-school, I made an amazing group of friends both male and female, and my confidence grew a lot after never fitting in when I was younger. However, many of us split up after enrolling in different colleges, and I don't keep in touch with many of my friends, or any of my male friends. This has only been made worse by my HATE for social media, (mostly because I just cannot, no matter how hard I try, snap people no matter how hard I try) which is the only way to contact my old friends and keep up with gossip, so I find out about things months later. Though I retained a couple friends, and made a couple new ones in college, they are all female and my friend group is significantly smaller. Don't get me wrong, I love them deeply, but I miss what guys bring to friendships. I am also terribly shy and prefer to be approached by others. In September of last year, I also made the big chop to get rid of my bleach-damaged hair and am currently growing out a pixie cut (ala Alice Cullen in Twilight, 2008). I loved it, but suddenly, everyone thinks I'm a lesbian. There's nothing wrong with lesbians obviously, but as a solid hetersoexual, to be dismissed by quite literally everyone around me as being in the closet has been mildly devastating. Not to mention the fact that this look doesn't seem to be attractive either. Currently I'm working on this by using hair growth methods and taking care of my hair so as to help it recover. I also try to dress more femininely to counteract the masculinising effect of my hair, but as someone who loves herself some jeans, its proven difficult. Finally, I wouldn't say I'm overweight, but I could look and feel better. I also have crazy sugar cravings and a pretty average/poor diet. I've approached my mother (who has had issues with food throughout her life, with anorexia in her teens/twenties and obesity in her forties, and is also not a rpw) about improving my diet to both look and feel better, to support my hair and skin and hormonal health. But she has dismissed me every time. She is really controlling in this respect and makes all my meals for me, even though I'm perfectly capable. I'll actually be leaving home for university next year to get some freedom. I understand that she wants to save me from the difficulty anorexia caused her, but I would go so far as to say that her force-feeding approach unintentionally hate the opposite effect and caused my temporary experimentation with bulimia at fifteen (disclaimer; she found out about quite quickly and I have not repeated it since). I've been increasingly insecure about myself recently with this whole romance disability I have going on and I see no solution. Anyway, I'm not quite sure if this has become a rant or what, so back to the point. I am a rpw and I have never felt more aligned with a way of living in my entire life. Its given me hope for my future, an escape from the dreary and soul-destroying grind that seemed to be my only option. Now I'm asking you lovely and inspiring women, what do I do. I feel so hopeless and worthless.",,8,[deleted],2023-06-11 08:14:24 RedPillWomen,146zm1t,What exactly is red pill women,I am a bit new to discovering this thread but I joined because I liked the posts here and feel alot of the women here are similar to myself. But I am just curious what exactly is it like what is this whole sub for. I am going to read the thing now but yeah haha,,0,prettyrosexo,2023-06-11 17:22:32 RedPillWomen,146qx2c,I don't know if my partner is good for me anymore,"I'm posting here because i feel the women in here might be better at giving me advice etc or just opinions,. So my boyfriend is not very understanding whenever I'd communicate my feelings he acts like I'm arguing most of the time, and he'll block me for hours, when he unblocks me he'll message me and expect me to be fine. Ofc I'm upset. At times I'd be crying and he'll just sleep but he had to be up early for work so I understand but it doesn't sit right with me sometimes. I woudlnt be able to leave him cry or be upset. Maybe he's just numb to me crying now as I did alot? At the beginning of the relationship he told me he will take care of me and do everything for me and give me the best life. I found it so cute and appreciated it it is also the norm for my family that the man provides. So I thought he was like that but now he says if I want to be with him then I have to have a job and work too,. I know some would say oh he's bad but it's probably just what he wants but I dont understand why he promised me in the beginning he'd take care of me to now say I have to have a job when we are together if I want to be with him. ( we are long distance relationship ) I don't mind having a job I would like one someday but I don't want to be with a man and have to struggle and then if we have children struggle then and no I'm not being mean I just mean I thought he'd actually take care of me and now he changed it seems. But just to add he told me if he could he would and that he just can't afford to take care of me, he said we'd never be able to go on trips or have anything and that he could only afford groceries basically necessities. So there I already know now how it would be with him but I just don't like how for so long he had me told that he'll take care of me and give me ' the best life ' and now I'm too attached to just be like oh well this is not what I want but I wish you the best. Like no I want him. I also feel like maybeee I'm being bad? I just thought it would be different. Most of all I'm confused and a bit hurt as to why he in the beginning told me he'd take care of me. Maybe he just realises now that he can't afford to, he told me if he had loads of money then he wouldn't care and would. So he just CAN'T. I'm also going to add that he couldn't get me anything because he told me his bank didn't let him order things to me. But then around the time of my birthday he told me he found a way to be able to buy me things. But he didn't, on my birthday I got no card or anything however that day we were not on good terms. But after we made up and were okay but he still didn't get me a late birthday present it just upset me because he told me before this that he found a way. But he told me he can't afford it basically as he is saving. I would of been grateful for anything cute but I understand..! I need to be more understanding maybe. It just upsets me still that I got nothing. But like I said about being understanding...",,2,prettyrosexo,2023-06-11 10:52:55 RedPillWomen,1468873,Masculinity in Illness,"I’m facing a problem I never considered. My husband is an excellent partner. He’s very masculine and take charge while also being loving and affectionate. I feel safe and loved with him. This has not been my previous experiences. He is also older than me-we have a significant age gap. He is also a very dominant man who believes that he is in charge of the house and that it is his role to provide, protect, and generally make my life as easy and nice as possible. After being left to fend for myself most of my life, you can imagine how nice it is. I have gone from a super militant feminist to a much softer, submissive, happier woman. I have followed a lot of the advice on this sub and it has made my life very happy. My husband was recently diagnosed with a serious life threatening illness that is going to take some effort to manage. On top of this, he currently has a separate temporary illness that is making his symptoms much worse. Because of this, he is currently unable to do things he used to do such as lawn care, carrying heavy items, cooking (he is an excellent cook), etc. The load has fallen on me, which I do not mind. I am also doing a lot of caretaking, which I do not mind. I know that once the secondary illness is gone he will be able to do more. But I also know that periods of time where he is seriously sick will become more frequent. I understood this when I married him-it’s part of being in a relationship with an age gap. Now on to my actual problem. My husband cannot stand the new order of things where I do most household chores, including the “manly” chores, and where I take care of him. He believes that it is his role in life to take care of me and to make my life easier. Because of this, he is in a bad mood constantly and I believe he is struggling with his self esteem and with depression. Again this is not a real issue-I consider it an honor to take care of a man who basically rescued me and also treats my daughter like she’s his own. It’s his attitude towards it that’s the problem. How can I help him to feel masculine and in charge in this situation? I’m not angry with him over his attitude towards it at all; I just want him to be happy. Edit: When I say it is not a real issue, I mean that I am not bothered by taking care of him. I realize that for him it is a very real issue.",,18,MsSmiley1230,2023-06-10 19:03:04 RedPillWomen,1469mzq,Mona Lisa Smile Discussion,"Mona Lisa Smile Has anyone seen this movie? Spoilers ahead: Oh wow. I can’t post links. I’ll try in the comments. I know I didn’t finish Anna Karenina. I feel very guilty. But does anyone want to watch, discuss, and post about it in a week or so? The discussion could include characters, attitude, fashion, education, being naive, vetting, self respect, strength, etc. PS to the mods: it’s possible that this movie has feminist themes. It’s been years since I’ve watched. But I believe that all characters were flawed. Julia Roberts (narrow, feminist) Kirstin Dunst (avoiding conflict) Maggie Gyllanhall (short-sighted/I’ll be a good girl later) Julia Stiles (Bang, I’m empowered) and more! I don’t want to bring this up for its feminist themes, but as an interesting representation of intelligent women, with unintentional RPW themes. Please discuss.",,12,JanuaryArya,2023-06-10 20:03:14 RedPillWomen,145zyb8,What made you come to redpill lifestyle?,"Were there any factors like were you a feminist or did you grow up in a traditional household? Edit: When i got interested i was hearing about the manosphere and redpill spaces on youtube. Anthony dream johnsons of 21 studios had a ""Make women great again"" 3 day event from men teaching women how to be feminine and duties. So from there ingot interested",,16,Serious-Summer9378,2023-06-10 13:11:52 RedPillWomen,145hxg5,"Balancing being feminine and gym/weight loss, dating during self improvement?","Edit: thank you everyone who took the time to read and reply to me! I’m working on responding to everyone but so far from reading what you have said, I have identified some errors in my thinking: - I’ve been having an all or nothing mindset with thinking I need a perfect body to be attractive - It seems like I’ve reached the point where putting off dating to work on myself isn’t an effective strategy and I would benefit more from getting some experience with dating and relationships - Basing my idea of “what men like” from surveys and articles, rather than looking at what type of women have happy, successful relationships Based on your feedback, here are the changes I am going to make: - Shifting my exercise and diet goals to be more focused on improving strength and health than achieving a certain look and size - Be intentional about actively looking for a partner, instead of just focusing on myself and hoping someone approaches me - Put effort into looking for someone who likes me as I am and shares my goals, instead of only focusing my effort into things that broaden my potential dating pool - I need to worry less about being attractive to men in general and more about cultivating the traits that would make me a high value partner to a man who is attracted to me and shares my values - Invest in some workout clothes I feel confident in- I’m making this my reward for when I hit my next workout goal! I appreciate everyone’s feedback, thank you for helping me see where my thought process is counter productive to my desired outcome! So I (30F) am in the process of working on losing weight and improving my health. For context, I’m single, overweight but no longer obese, and I do have a couple of health conditions that limit my diet and activity so while I’m steadily making progress, I anticipate I’ll be on this journey for a while. I’m looking for input and advice on 2 things. 1. How important is it to look cute and feminine at the gym? I know ideally we would want to present our best selves and be approachable at all times, and generally I try to be well groomed and put together when I leave the house. But when it comes to workouts, I just dress comfortably and focus on pushing myself to meet my goals, so I probably look red faced and messy. Losing weight is the #1 thing that will make me look better, but I also don’t want to be gross in the meantime. Am I overthinking it? 2. I get that thinner is better in terms of attracting men, but younger is also better. Everyone’s body is different but is there a general guideline on what is considered thin enough to be dateable for a LTR ? Like would I be better positioned waiting until I’m 35+ but have a BMI under 18, versus being 31-32 with a BMI of 23? I am traditional, religious, no body count, looking for marriage, and plan on staying in nun mode until I’m at least in the healthy weight range for my height.",,2,Mighty_Wombat42,2023-06-09 21:50:15 RedPillWomen,144ikh2,"Helping BF become more of a captain- he has never had to ""lead""","Recently been lurking on this sub, and overall agree with many of the values. Background, me and my BF have been together nearly a year. We are about to move in together next month. Although this is not exactly ideal pre- marriage, with the economy and my teacher salary I need to either a. move in with him or b. move back across the country where I am from. I love FL and want to stay, so currently going with a. BF is very kind and overall a great guy. He has respected me and treated me better than any other relationship I have been in. Only issue is he does not really know how to lead. I feel like the reason he doesnt know how, is because he never had to. Both his parents were in military, which meant he was always moving, being told where to move, what schools to go to, etc. After that he played basketball in college. So once again a school controlled what he wore, where he lived, when he traveled amount of money to spend, etc. After college he went pro overseas. Once again this meant an agent was handling his travel, his team, living arrangement, they even ordered all food for them (language barrier/ phone security). Now that chapter may be completely closed, he is transitioning into ""real world"" and needs to be a leader, both for himself and our relationship. Issue is, he hasnt had this training yet. On the other hand, I was raised much different. I moved out at 17, went to college, and moved across the country without my family. I know how to pay bills, budget, save, etc. How do I help him learn how to do all these things, without him relying on me? How do I help guide this wonderful man to being a captain? Sometimes for me I find it easier just for me to do stuff, and skip the explaining, but long term this is NOT the relationship I want. &#x200B; Thanks!",,16,maroonmallard,2023-06-08 19:29:06 RedPillWomen,144pmpt,How to lose weight and keep it off?,How have you all lost weight and kept it off? Especially when staying at home around the house and/or getting ready to date.,,6,[deleted],2023-06-09 00:04:52 RedPillWomen,144grlu,Shifting tastes in guys?,"Hello everybody! I was looking for advice on shifting your dominance threshold, or the type of guy you’re attracted to. I was reading the back to basics Relationship Dynamic posts, and definitely identified myself as a high dominance/high threshold woman. I’ve been working on myself to be more feminine which I think I’ve made very good progress on, based on feedback from friends/family, but I very much want a guy who’s more ‘dominant’ than I am (not to sound like one of the trashy romances I love, lol), more capable/confident/disciplined/etc. I’m currently dating a guy who is absolutely wonderful to me. I hate to say it, but I’m not as drawn to him as compared to my ex, who was more “alpha” and definitely more toxic. In general, I’m attracted to the more alpha guys who clearly would not be good matches for me long term (strong physicality, confidence/arrogance, etc.). I want a guy who is kind and treats me well, my ultimate goal is to be mostly a stay at home mother with a partner who’s very devoted to our family. I feel like I need some kind of way to adjust my tastes to what I actually want, if that makes sense? It’s like craving a donut even though you know it would make you feel sick, and an apple would be a better choice for you. My relationship with my ex was fast, passionate, and not particularly healthy. My current relationship I would say is much lighter and calmer, and I think I’m slowly starting to develop feelings for him. Does anybody have any advice for this? How to maybe adjust my threshold/tastes to better align with my current partner? I don’t want to make this super long, I talk more about him in my prior posts if anybody wants more context. I like him a lot and want to this to work, I just worry about my feelings not being as strong. Thank you all for your time!",,9,Valuable_Place1265,2023-06-08 18:19:34 RedPillWomen,143ura2,has the pain of male infidelity always been this way?,"ive seen many younger women and teenage girls heartbroken due to infidelity on tiktok and twitter. with being in this age group (19F) many of my close friends and acquaintances, or even strangers have reposted or spoken on the pain felt due to male infidelity. if men are “biologically wired” to be able to be with multiple partners (as so told by many members of the RP community) then why does getting cheated on hurt so badly? am i insecure for being so upset when i got cheated on?",,28,hadyayasmin,2023-06-08 01:00:32 RedPillWomen,1442pnt,Ideas on introducing Red Pill content to men who are not aware,"What do you think about introducing men to the Red Pill world? It's obvious that I don't want to teach or preach Red Pill content to a man. But whenever I meet a potential partner and they are not informed I feel the necessity for him to be aware. What are your thoughts and experiences with that? \*fairly new here - open for some guidance from experienced women\* ",,6,minaku74,2023-06-08 07:45:17 RedPillWomen,1440ueh,How do you select which men to entertain?,"At some point after you improve yourself, and put yourself out there, you get a lot of men interested in you and willing to take you on a date. Any attractive woman can get lots of matches on dating apps or can get men in real life asking her out. Some of these men seem like they have the qualities to be HVM. However, most probably only want to have sex with you, and not commit. There’s an important decision that’s not discussed here enough which is out of the men that seem interested, which one do you give a chance and go on a date with. How do you determine which men are more likely to want to commit from the beginning so you don’t waste your time? For example, I’ve noticed that if you have a very close mutual (I.e. your best friend is his sister) he’s most likely seeking commitment. He may not want to commit to you after dating you if he doesn’t approve of you, but he usually will have the intentions. I think it’s because people don’t like to “shit” where they sleep and shitting is usually playing with girls. Do you have any patterns or strategies? For example, are there hints by the way they text you?",,5,Select_Machine_1754,2023-06-08 05:56:17 RedPillWomen,143d4b1,Help-ny anxiety ruining relationship," Background:I see a therapist, a psychiatrist, I do daily breathing exercises, journal weekly, do yoga or other exercise weekly, also have a prescription for medical, I'm also on a meds for my treatment resistant depression and panic disorder. I also have a hormonal disorder which affects my moods, which I am on a hormone reducer for. When my anxiety spikes I can: lose my train of thought, stutter, tell small lies, act in ways that I don't want to(overly emotionally), drive irrational-speeding/slowing down. My bf has known that I have anxiety since the beginning. Although I have improved a lot, my bf still gets angry anytime I show anxiety symptoms. When we drive he constantly says the things that I shouldn't be doing and the gets irritated. When we are in a disagreement, i get emotional (voice cracks, tearing up/crying after hours of him saying things). He says it's because i dont take responsibility (which i do, i say it's my anxiety, sorry for ruining, tell how im working on it, i shut up). He mocks my anxiety, makes fun of how I talk, and says really hurtful things about me (how no one will want to marry me or have kids with my bc of my mindset, that can't I blame him for pulling out, says that im disrespect,that he could find a woman more agreeable or from another culture to knock up. I'll leave the room or home for 10-20 minutes or take a shower when he has berated me for hours and he calls me Childish and I can't handle conflict. He says the help im doing is making things worse that im an idiot, lack common sense, fuck my feelings bc they make everything worse, he cant depend on me to be emotionally sound, insulting my family, or my ability to take care of the home (I do the majority of the housework, while working 40hrs and also saying that i need to relax with the housework sometimes), etc). He keeps saying that im not following his lead, not submissive, and to put my dick away. Example: Letting him knowing what time it was and that we need to leave soon, trying to make a phone call to check on a reservation (which he did not say he was going to do it, I was trying to be helpful and take things away from the stress), making plans to do my hair on the weekend at home (which takes a few hrs and he may have had plans for us) While I was driving I got in the left lane when there was traffic coming into ours-he said this was not submissive as i should have asked about moving lanes). This is usually happening when he is drunk, but the anger is there when sober too. Edited:words, language around driving TLDR: Please help. I know I have emotional issues and really am trying to be more feminine but I guess I'm doing it all.wrong. Anxiety is making my bf upset and causing friction in our relationship",,4,allthereisleftislove,2023-06-07 13:19:39 RedPillWomen,140snox,"RPW Adapted: The Trinity of Security, Status, Escape"," The [trinity of Security, Status, and Escape ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2y175a/the_trinity_of_security_status_escape/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) was a post that first made the rounds of TRP years ago. Most of the critique was that this trifecta could be applied to men as well as women, and thought I'd try my hand. Security, Status, and Escape are conflicting needs that have to be continuously satisfied for us to feel fulfilled. If any one of these needs becomes too severe, people will sacrifice the others in order to satisfy it, even at the cost of the relationship. This gives us a selfish reason to help our partners: we want to influence what that sacrifice would be. Even when a desire for something specific is expressed, a different suggestion can be just as effective at fulfilling their need. #Security A man needs to feel secure that his assets and his loved ones are safe and loyal to him. If he feels unable to provide for or protect his family, he will struggle. To assist him with his need for Security, reduce unnecessary risk-taking, remind him you are cogniscient of danger, and discuss additional precautions you could adapt. ####Examples of Security in play: + Wanting/purchasing life insurance • Installing a home security system or purchasing a weapon to defend against burglary • Expressing concerns about you going out alone • Being wary of you attracting, communicating, or bonding with other men • Setting up a budget for finances, or a retirement plan • Desiring submission • Homeownership/home maintenance • Anxiety over job security • Expressing concerns about overspending • Worrying about the children's safety and well-being • Craving non-sexual intimacy #Status: A man needs to feel like he is performing well at his duties, and he wants the respect of his family and chosen peer group. If he feels incompetent at his job or that he isn't doing well in life compared to those around him, it will impact his confidence. To assist him in his need for Status, try to get him talking about what he does well, and thank him for the effort he's putting in. Appear put-together and pleasant amongst the people in his life. Don't disparage him in front of others, even jokingly. Try to ensure the same behavior from your children. ####Examples of Status in play: + Desiring respect • Work performance anxiety related to how his boss and coworkers view him • Happiness over a promotion, good raise, or positive performance review • Embarrassed or resentful when anecdotes that showcase his flaws or mistakes are shared • Wanting his partner to appear well in the current social context (being kind around family, polite around coworkers, warm amongst friends, etc) • Wanting children to appear well-behaved in public settings • The desire to be with an attractive and cooperative woman • Wanting to flirt, touch, and have sex with numerous women • He feels resentful at the way the workload is being distributed and feels he deserves to have more support • He wants to purchase more expensive, flashier things/clothes/cars/house • He is trying to get in better physical shape and maintain a neater appearance #Escape At the end of a long day, a man wants to know he can relax, be appreciated, and take some time for himself away from his obligations. If he feels constantly interrupted during his alone time or feels overworked and burnt out, his need for Escape will become increasingly desperate. Try to limit asking assigning him tasks or asking for favors during periods of high stress. Observe if specific periods of the day produce a more negative reaction, such as late at night. Schedule intimate time for the two of you or alone time for him. ####Examples of Escape in play: + Fantasizing, porn use, hentai, etc • Drinking/drugs • Wanting to explore sexual kinks • Use of television, social media, video games, anime, reading, etc. • Purchasing something that brings one joy and fulfillment • Pursuing long-life dreams and hobbies • Travel • Wanting to socialize with people he feels comfortable around • Needing to ""just get out of the house"" or have some time to himself A strategy for a successful LTR is to consistently and incrementally increase your partner's satisfaction regarding all three needs. Humans enjoy feeling as though their life is improving, so it is wisest to apply your effort over time as opposed to being superwife one month and then being burnt out the next. Security and Status can go hand-in-hand, but they often oppose Escape. The role of the polite and elegant wife who manages the household fulfills the former, while the youthful, enthusiastic mistress is the latter. To fully satisfy one's partner, one will have to perform different roles throughout their day-to-day life. I believe sex can appeal to all three of these needs, making it one of the most effective tools we have. It makes a couple feel as though their bond has been strengthened, which appeals to Security. A man who has plentiful, passionate sex with an attractive woman that he can make orgasm is a marker for high Status. Sex reduces stress and fulfills fantasy which makes it an effective Escape. On a final note, if you find yourself in need of Status, Security, or Escape, it may be helpful to your partner [to bring him your problems, not your solutions.](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/4i8ukh/bring_your_captain_your_problem_not_your_solution/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button). Instead of telling him he needs to watch the kids Saturday afternoon, say you're feeling tired and stressed. See what you two can come up with together to solve it.",,27,ArkNemesis00,2023-06-04 22:24:56 RedPillWomen,140sczw,Mantra,"Okay so I’ve been struggling. Husband over booked himself with work things and hasn’t had much if any time for me this past week. And when he has been around he’s been distracted and not very present. At first it was okay and I was coasting along being my normal self but then I started to get resentful and snippy and finally last night I let him have it. I told him I’m lonely and disappointed and let down and on and on. Now to be clear the issue isn’t with his working but with my behaviour and reaction. At first after I reacted so poorly he kept saying I know it’s been a tough week. And then when I just kept going he became withdrawn and sullen. After that conversation I reflected on it and was able to get to a place of compassion and realize that he hurts when I tell him I’m unhappy. I hurt him. After more reflection I came to the conclusion that when I’m annoyed and frustrated with him over the next little bit I will stop myself and say a simple mantra… he is doing his best. There is plentiful evidence that when he is not overwhelmed by his responsibilities he is a kind and generous and present and patient and loving and forgiving man. Just ask my daily “husband gratitude journal” and the examples will pour forth. So when we went to the museum today and he didn’t take the time to figure out what we wanted to pay to see like I asked him to beforehand I told myself he is doing his best. When he didn’t have time to view a link I sent him I told myself he is doing his best. When his clothes were on the floor instead of in the laundry I told myself he is doing his best. When I had to say the same thing over three times before he heard me I told myself he is doing his best. I’m trying so hard to touch that place of compassion within myself that transforms my anger into understanding and empathy. I was proud turning my disrespect around and creating a strategy to be more respectful and that’s why I wanted to share it.",,27,1987dd1987,2023-06-04 22:14:30 RedPillWomen,13zz8jz,"7 Things I've Learned From My Highly Desirable, Thrice Divorced Mother","Before I start, I should note that each husband was a high value guy. They each made a lot of money, and were generally pretty nice people (aside from the last one). She also dated a lot of very nice, high value men. This is how she landed these guys, and then lost them. &#x200B; 1. Marry a man because you love him, not because he can fund your life. She never married a man that she really loved, it was about what they could give her. Money, status, etc. Don't marry a man you don't love completely and wholly just because he checks all of your boxes. It's shallow, selfish, and cruel to the man who thought you were in it for the right reasons. Of course a man should provide, but he does not exist purely to buy you stuff. They should be your partner in crime, your lover, your confidant, and your best friend. 2. Men *really* value a playful, open spirit... to an extent. My mom was not the type to turn heads when she walked down the street, but she had her pick of the pack because everyone wanted a piece of her personality. She was the type who could talk to anyone, was down to do anything, willing to try everything, loved a good prank, and knew how to make people laugh. This was her main draw and she knew it. Even when her looks started to fade, this quality kept her young. The downside to this was that she couldn't turn it off. She was incessantly bored and impossible to entertain 24/7. There has to be a line drawn, and you have to be able to settle down, or else your life is going to be pure chaos. 3. Men also *really* value the ability to speak concisely, intelligently, and with class. They need you to be able to have a decent conversation not only with them, but with their colleagues, family, friends, maybe even their boss at a company party, If you can't carry an interesting, engaging, intelligent conversation with just about anyone, that's gonna be an issue. He picked you, and so who you are and how you act says something about him and his judgement. 4. Admit your faults and gracefully accept criticism. The inability to do this is a really common trait these days, and it kills relationships. If you go into a marriage (or any relationship at all) thinking that it's you against him, that you're right and he's wrong, that he's dumb and you're smart..... That will kill your relationship in it's tracks. It sets up a sense of superiority. You end up looking down on him, and he will feel that lack of respect to his core. 5. Don't allow life to take away your softness. My mother and I both had hard lives as children, and that translated to being very brittle, emotionally unavailable people in adulthood. It's easy to fall into this hole, and I sat with her in it until I got married and realized that it was only pushing my husband away from me. Softness translates into being malleable. You should be able to adapt to anything and form yourself into who or what you need to be in this or that situation, while maintaining that light core. 6. Take care of yourself, physically. My mother, bless her soul, aged horrifically. She smokes, she drank a lot in her youth, she did a lot of casual drugs, never wore sunscreen, ate like crap, etc. I can see how much of a toll it's taken on her self-esteem. While she wasn't a head-turner, she was beautiful, and she threw that gift down the toilet. While you may not be hot when you're 60, you can still be beautiful if you take care of yourself. 7. Believe people when they tell you he's not a nice person. If one person says it, that's an opinion. If seven people say it, you should probably listen. Highly manipulative people put on a face for people they like, and drag everyone else through the pasture. He will eventually stop liking you, and the chickens will come home to roost. &#x200B; I'd love to hear about what things you ladies have noticed in your mothers' marriages, what went wrong and what went right.",,112,[deleted],2023-06-04 03:16:14 RedPillWomen,1407cal,How do you know if he’s worth it?,Hello! I’m new to RedPill women but I find everyone’s opinion in this subreddit very agreeable and enjoyable to read. I just got out of a relationship where my previous was younger and super dependent on me which made me realized the bar I set for my partner was in hell and I felt like a mother to him rather than a girlfriend. I had little to no standard when it came to dating my only criteria was for my partner to have lots of love for me and remain loyal in our relationship. Could you please enlighten on what other crucial trait men need to have? I want to know what makes a partner worth fighting for.,,14,New_Initiative_2134,2023-06-04 09:19:06 RedPillWomen,14114ou,"Update to ""stuck in a short term relationship"", now dynamics have changed for the even worse, need advice","So I made a post on here about how my bf and I have been in a relationship that we basically decided to have just to have somebody, even though he wanted more with me, and since I knew he wanted a ltr with me but that I didn't see the compatibility, he was willing to do at least short term with me and take me on dates and all that, and about how now he's living with me and it's a tough situation to get out of as we are not financially equipped to have one or both of us move out so we are stuck with each other. Well, now it's gotten even MORE weird-- 2 days after I posted my last post, I found a tinder verification code text on his phone. When I asked him why, he said, ""because you're abusive"" -- which is true, I've been very emotionally abusive because he is very much a passive type and I am very much pro-communication in a relationship so even if I WAS a lot more patient, its always hard to tell him ANYTHING without him being sensitive, but I admit I've let myself go on and on far too much. Do you think finding him on Tinder is a forgivable offense? If you were in this situation, would you stay with him? I know it probably wouldn't be your situation because you probably would not be bitching at him constantly like I have, but IF this was your situation, and you bitched at him every day for 10-11 months, and then found out he had made a tinder, would you stay with him? He also made it clear he didn't regret it, not in a dickish way, but by the way he shut down and didnt wanna talk about it the multiple times I asked him if he regret it and would respond with things like, ""I know I shouldn't have done it"" instead, to spare my feelings. This is why I didn't respond to the last commenter like I wanted to, because I simply didn't have the energy for it after all of this. I also want to date others, I guess, now because I want to be with someone who wouldn't go on tinder when times get rough.. he said he only went out for validation which idk if it's true or not, and when we had the whole talk where he was like, ""because you're abusive"", he also said, ""i wanted to see"" and then, he went ""if anyone else would like me"" through tears, like he started crying in the middle of that sentence and it hurt to see. If I do date other people, is it WRONG of me to? I mean I'm still asking him to remain loyal to me since we're still in a relationship-thingy now, I mean we're practically stuck together, we're living together, and when financial times aren't as strained it would be dumb not to go on dates again to kill time. I've had permission to date from him for a while, though whenever I mention possibly doing it (I reiterate my interest to make sure I am not accidentally leading him on, and when I do this I try to be as gentle as possible, because it TRULY isn't personal to him, it's just lack of compatability) he gets sad but always gives me permission. So, since we're stuck living together for God knows how long, would it be RUDE of me to date others? What about having dates pick me up at the house, is that a no-go? Since right now things happened with the car as of 2 days ago, so idk how long that will take to situate. What should I tell my dates- I mean, I have this guy I'm LIVING with, that's a pretty huge deal, how should I tell my dates this? I know I shouldn't keep it from them long, but should I keep it from them for a VERY SHORT time, since it's not inherently deceitful/disrespectful or immorall to be DATING (as in dating, not in a relationship) multiple men at once, it's completely normal to be dating multiple men so the guy I'm posting about just happens to be one man I'd be ""dating"", differences are just that I don't have long term compatibility with this man, and we're also stuck to our ""relationship"" just because we live together and it'd be kinda hard to not consider ourselves together. I'm really stuck and need advice",,0,patisseriepresents,2023-06-05 03:46:20 RedPillWomen,140o6yy,Plan for nun mode,"Hi! I recently got out of a situationship and am ready to buckle down and become wife material. Here is what I'm going to do: - Lose 70 lbs (I technically only need to lose 40, but I figure 70 will really make me attractive - become kind and sweet - read Home Comforts cover to cover and implement housekeeping in my day to day life - get a color analyst to profile me - get a job and possibly go back to school (I'm 25 with no college degree) - learn how to dress/buy nice clothes - learn how to do makeup, buy a bunch of makeup, wear makeup every day - get a tummy tuck, BBL, forehead reduction, maybe breast aug and get my jaw shaved depending on what the surgeon says - get a gym membership and start going to the gym - get hair extensions)my hair dyed - get hobbies and friends - learn etiquette and especially table manners What do you think? Is there anything I am missing?",,1,[deleted],2023-06-04 19:51:25 RedPillWomen,13zh4ps,Why is dating so complicated?,"Starting off, if you’re taking oral contraceptives, such as the pill for birth control, this is for you. If you’ve ever thought to yourself “Wow, the last few men I have been with have sucked.” or, “Why do I not feel desirable to men?”. It could be because of the birth control you take. While forms of certain contraceptives are better than others, such as IUDs, contraceptive rings or condoms, the pill is probably one of the worst ones that somebody can take. Depending on the brand you use and your dosage level, the estrogen and progesterone levels can be too high or too low (speaking from personal experience, multiple years/brands of BC, and information I’ve received from my health care professional). The different levels of hormones fuck with your body in different ways. The effects vary from person to person. Multiple women in my life have stopped taking birth control as well and the first thing they noticed was their weight decreased. Their “taste in men” improved signifincantly as well. Starting with dating men who had no direction in their lives to being with a man who knows exactly what he wants and provides healthy excitment. In my case with the pill, it made me gain weight, have low energy, and become attracted to “feminine men”. Since I've switched to a copper IUD, those symptoms are all gone. Including losing weight/putting on muscle easier and being attracted to feminine men. Now, my current boyfriend pushes me in the right direction and is driven to get where he wants to be. Being subconsciously attracted to “feminine men'' means talking to the wrong type of men. Now what do I mean by feminine men? Since we live in a Society where everything is unsure, we can use the Smash Brothers Femboy Twitch streamer as an example. Think about it, would you really want to have a sexual relationship with this man and have children with him? If you do, you are truly living the American dream of sleeping with Femboy cosplayers and Wannabe Tater tots. Feminine men are constantly stuck in a cycle of desire and not acting. There is no drive or actual structure in their lives. They mostly think about the following Star Wars game release dates or getting hyped for Chris Pratt taking them down Nostalgia Realm by culturally appropriating Italian Plumbers. They also have more feminine qualities, such as being overly hysteric, sometimes making us relate to them more. These types of men are not going to benefit you. Dating them and talking to them creates some power dynamic that allows you to control them easier. The result is both of you being indecisive about which restaurant you want to eat at or what to do for date night. What should I look for in a man then? Ideally, you want to look for an attractive man who can squat 200lbs, moves forward, makes a good amount of money and reads beyond an 8th-grade level. These qualities sound like an insane list, but it isn’t, trust me. Having your high standards results in you having a weird list of rules about the “icks” you get from guys, and one of them is why you refuse to date him because he was born in May. That being said, don’t completely lower your standards just because he is attractive. Chances are, if he only has looks going for him, he only knows how to read Llama Llama Red Pyjama. Having a boyfriend who works out consistently, makes a good amount of money, reads and writes at an academic level, and has drive will make your life easier and more exciting. He takes good care of himself and has a good social structure and personal structure that aids in his success. With this, he’ll guide you and push you to be a better woman, not just for yourself but for him as well. Men that are able to help guide you are more secure. They’re able to help create gym routines which in return will make him desire you more. Along with stability and structure in your own life. Men that have accomplished these “goals in life and have successful structures take care of themselves. Seeing how well they take care of themselves gives insight as to how he can take care of you and potentially your future family. You might ask yourself, “But plenty of men do this. How can I pick just one?”. You do. Feeling like you have too many options creates these obsessional tendencies and patterns. These patterns result in a decision not being made at all. Ultimately, you’re choosing between one good man (with the qualities I listed previously, of course) that you can grow with or wasting your time with multiple men who treat you as consumer goods. However, I also know that some of you are in your late 20s and, after going through your fun period, have suddenly decided that boring is good and that living by your father's values is the ""right thing to do.” To you I say to go live your boring lives, watching Netflix all day and treating your husbands like little children but don't ruin it for young women, who still have youth and vitality in them that can be calibrated towards a more fulfilling relationship and life.",,19,Goodtreesbadknees,2023-06-03 16:02:00 RedPillWomen,13zebh5,Abusive Relationship Break up,"Hi everyone! I’m pretty new to this sub :) I was just wondering if anyone has left an abusive relationship and how they made themselves “level up” or just feel better. I was always wondering how they felt after the breakup. I’ve been single a few days and I can’t believe how much of an impact my ex made on me, I’m embarrassed. He screamed at me, told me to shut up, and called me a bitch. BUT he never hit me. (His words, no prompting) It’s nice to have a conversation and being sure of what you’re saying. I feel like my posture is better, I don’t feel the need to make myself feel small anymore. My voice is deeper since I’m not always trying to raise it so I don’t get screamed at. Please let me know if this isn’t appropriate, I will delete it.",,10,Realistic_Pass,2023-06-03 14:20:11 RedPillWomen,13z4sal,"Are superficial careers like modeling, pageantry, influencer, etc a turn off to a HVM?","Hello! I'm from an Asian country and I joined RPW around late 2022 which I'm steadily enjoying the community here! Learning has been fun! I turned 22 back in April and well, I am NBSB (No boyfriend since birth) and currently in my second year of university. According to people here, I'm above average in looks as I have eurocentric features (From German) ancestry that Asians find ""exotic"". The thing is, I may consider a career that uses my looks since I gotta use what skill I have to make money right? (In this case, my appearance). The ideal of high value man for me is traditonally masculine, preferably a virgin too like me or low body count, and values marriage. Attractive and well built as I also work hard on staying fitl. He could be a CEO or an average income but as long as he is the provider. I have a lowkey social media and I basically post nothing except poems I write (Im a writer). I was thinking of modeling or joining pageants as I think it could make good money but does my ideal kind of man okay with that? I've been hanging out in red pill places, watching videos (Especially Tate), etc and I read that a lot of men want someone who is like literally unknown, doesnt have social media, traditionally feminine, etc so I was thinking by putting my appearance out there, I would put off the men I desire. The help would be greatly appreciated! Thank you so much!",,10,jbb_sanc01,2023-06-03 07:32:39 RedPillWomen,13yqpj8,Do I attract older men because I’m ugly?,"I know it sounds like a silly question but maybe if I can explain it’ll make more sense. I feel like I lately I attract older men a lot and it makes me sad. I would even say the majority of men that are attracted to me are older than me, by 5-25 years. Really I have 50 year old me hit on me… I did try an age gap relationship about 2 years ago, he was 23 years older than me. I didn’t date him for money, I never asked him for money actually and I did care about him as a person but he was not who I thought he was and he ended up being married and it really left me feeling very disgusting about myself and traumatised. But in the end I guess I’m glad it didn’t work out because even while I was dating him I always wished I could be with someone younger than him but In a way, I think that experience tainted older men for me and my brain associates older men with very bright red danger signs. I would like to have kids young and grow with my partner and my kids as a unit. I yearn for that type of love where you grow and build together towards a family and a beautiful life. An older man doesn’t fit into that dream for me. I want to be a good wife and be dedicated to my husband and always respect, love and honour him it’s really what I want; to love and be loved. But I want that with a guy around my age. I seem to only attract them on dating apps but they’re so wishy washy about what they want and I’m so tired of dating apps and would like to meet someone more organically. I would prefer a guy who is about my age or maximum 3 years older. I don’t think I want to go higher because I won’t be able to love him sincerely. I know it sounds crazy but I know me and I know how my heart works but it seems it’s only older men who send me comments and initiate conversations on dating apps and in person and ask me out on proper formal dates while men my age are so ?¿??… now I think maybe it’s because Im ugly so they don’t approach me? I see them look but nobody approaches. I don’t think I’m terribly unattractive. I’m not the most beautiful woman in the world but I honestly don’t think I’m ugly. I’m not overweight, I’m hygienic and I try to always look put together. I take care of myself. One think I admit I can change is my style and presentation and I’m working on it. I want to dress up a bit more and wear a bit of makeup… starting tomorrow! What could be the problem? Is it possible that I am ugly? How do I become more attractive to men in my age group so they approach me in person?",,12,burner4567890,2023-06-02 21:55:04 RedPillWomen,13yddyr,So I’m not alone,"I have been blessed all my life. Loving supportive family, did well at school and university and then got a very good job in “the City”. I thought I had the perfect life. But there was an underlying itch that something was not quite right - for me at least. I was definitively confused. To most looking at me I had everything - except a long term relationship. Was potentially the poster girl for an independent successful woman. But ohh in my heart it wasn’t great. I was laid off, on very generous terms, during covid and it gave me an opportunity to re-evaluate my life and I suddenly realised I didn’t want to go back to the rat race. I was fortunate enough to live in a rural village with a lot of young families and I made friends with a lot of women my age who were living a life I had actively shunned, but now realised was actually the one I wanted to live. So I now work at a small nursery school but am looking for “the one”. Yesterday I stumbled on this forum following a link from a newspaper article. Suddenly, I find that I am not the odd one out there are others like me, and that it is not weird and strange to want to be the LYNCH pin of a family. I’m older, now 28, but hopefully not hit my wall. Thank you for helping to open my eyes. I look forward to learning much more as I go along.",,38,[deleted],2023-06-02 13:50:42 RedPillWomen,13ya9ji,Another relationship that didn’t work out …,"Hi all, I’d love to get some advice. I’m worried I’m going wrong somewhere when it comes to dating. I’ve taken so much red pill advice on board but I’m feeling lost. I’ve been dating a guy who travels for work a lot, and it just seems to be fizzling. His communication has become dry and no talk of future plans for the last month. This guy seemed head over heels when we met start of the year, and I was thinking he could be my husband. I’m not even sure what happened. It could be the pressure of having a make a big commitment due to the distance and someone possibly moving. But I’ve seen so many couples recently who aren’t even in the same country making plans against the odds to be together. I feel so down as I really tried hard this time (RMV stuff). It seems to happen always happen to me… promising relationships that I get so happy about. And the suddenly they just fizzle. The other surprising thing … not to sound conceited but I have much higher SMV than him and he made that clear. He seemed so enamoured.",,15,Independent-Hall4929,2023-06-02 11:40:46 RedPillWomen,13xpot6,"How do y'all feel about podcasts like ""Whatever"" and ""Fresh and Fit""?","I started getting into them a couple months back purely because I found it entertaining. But as some of the podcasts grow and have these ""alpha"" red-pilled guests on the show setting some really poor examples for men and women. I've found myself questioning if I should ever be watching this sort of content. I'm highly impressionable and sometimes I'm worried I take sides of people who appear to know what they're talking about and be extremely confident in their views. I'm curious, how do y'all genuinely feel about these podcasts?",,33,PepsiColaPussy7860,2023-06-01 18:43:11 RedPillWomen,13xf9ta,Starting to explore,"Hi, I’ve recently stumbled onto this sub and wanted to say hello and perhaps get some introductory advice. I’ve (33F) recently ended my marriage which was, on paper, very ‘progressive’. I was the breadwinner, in charge of most of our decisions, planned and decided almost everything. This is what I thought I wanted when we first got together but I’ve changed significantly over the years, or perhaps just woken up to what I really wanted. Ultimately I have realised that I am looking for a male led / controlled relationship with much more traditional gender roles embedded. I am starting to seek this out in dating, but also wanted to hear from women who have been through this journey themselves. So any advice on how to embrace this, be a better girlfriend and ultimately traditional wife or partner would be gratefully appreciated. Thank you and looking forward to reading through more of the posts on here too!",,18,h9002,2023-06-01 11:39:36 RedPillWomen,13xon0h,How to raise SMV?,I hate being fat and ugly. I am like at 3/4 out of ten. How do I get to a level where I can start attracting men I want?,,4,[deleted],2023-06-01 18:02:16 RedPillWomen,13x1uhd,Guardian Article about RPW,"Regarding this group, Sian Norris has published an unfavorable and, in my view, misleading, essay in the Guardian, here: [https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/may/31/white-supremacy-trad-wives-far-right-feminist-politics](https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/may/31/white-supremacy-trad-wives-far-right-feminist-politics) Her essay is misleading because members of this group have articulated the group viewpoint in terms that are reasonable and defensible. In doing so, some members essentially have drawn upon the position of the nineteenth-century, British political theorist Edmund Burke. Burke argued that a society draws its collective strength from the strength of its subgroups, such as families. Groups (and subgroups) are strong when their individual members are prepared to sacrifice for the good of the collective whole. This argument can be traced back through Plato, Aristotle, and a long line of influential thinkers. Other members accounted for this group by way of its distinction from the contemporary school of self-serving individualism-- another strong position. Prior to reading the Guardian article, I was unaware of this group. When I followed the article's link to this forum, I found something different from the strawman (or woman) that was being abused. Though I know that they will never see the light of day, I sent these words to the Guardian editor: Sian Norris' is misleading in her essay on ""Frilly dresses and white supremacy"". A reader who follows her reference to the Reddit group Red-Pill Women finds that its members account for their traditional marital views in terms of informed and reasonable arguments regarding the benefits of collectivist social values in contrast with self-serving individualism. Their classical position is drawn, not from racist ideology, but from the original conservative argument advanced by Edmund Burke, British MP and nineteenth century political theorist. Agree or disagree, no knowledgeable political observer would overlook the strengths of this argument.",,28,pythag333,2023-05-31 23:33:08 RedPillWomen,13xhkbv,Meeting my partners mother,"I would like to buy her something but I’m not sure what is that I could gift her, flowers are kind of not an option as she had traveled to see me and she lives far far way so the followers will most likely die before she gets home",,1,rarestkind9,2023-06-01 13:25:49 RedPillWomen,13wz06o,Feeling anxious about commitment and marriage...,"I don't understand what is wrong with me but I am super anxious about committing to my boyfriend. He's told me point blank he wants to marry me and it just makes me panic. I don't know why the hell I am like this really just deep down inside I wonder if we are right for each other? Before him I was in a relationship for 8 years and we got engaged. I was very young when the relationship started and was engaged at 22. That relationship didn't work out. During that time due I went through some seriously bad trauma in which I nearly lost my life, I still live with the physical and mental effects to this day. My ex partner turned into an alcoholic to cope with what happened me/us and started to be borderline violent so I left. But I really loved him for many years, just not at the end. But I think it has ruined me and now I am scared to commit to my now boyfriend. I am scared of failure due to past failures. My boyfriend treats me like a princess and is the kindest soul. He is so smart and we connect very well on an emotional level. But I just don't feel all that happy. In fact I feel depressed all the time. There is nothing wrong with him at all, in fact he is the best person I've been with. The only problem is that we struggle for money alot and it stresses me out, this will improve when he is finished his study. I also feel lack of attraction for him. Sometimes I think he looks good but it isn't very often and this bothers me. I don't expect fireworks but I do want a bit more than we have? Other than these two things he is perfect. I have a therapist and I am trying to work on my mental health but it is not working. I constantly feel panicked when I have to think about marriage. And the depression is bad, I don't feel joy in what I used to, I'm eating bad food to make myself feel better and every night I want to drink a bottle of wine (never do, but the urge is there). I am 29 and I want kids. This is important to me. I worry I am running out of time. But I am SO scared to get married and commit. I want to choose the right life partner but I get scared, you know? But I think I am scared for no good reason. We have been together for 2 years, 1 year long distance, 1 year in the same place living together. We were friends for 5 years before getting into a relationship. If anyone has advice I'd really appreciate it. When you got married were you worried? I heard that if you aren't certain you shouldn't do it. But I'm not sure I will ever be certain.... with anyone. *Edited to ad: therapy is not helping because my therapists attitude is not to stress so much about it. Apparently the only thing that is forever is kids. Which is complete bullshit and bad advice.",,7,itburnsss45,2023-05-31 21:41:15 RedPillWomen,13x1s2r,"My(22f) boyfriend(26m) has told me he tells his parents when we 'have fun', I feel like my privacy is being taken away from me","Hi trpw. Here is the situation. My boyfriend is great in many ways. We've been together for 2/3 months. He's 26 and still a virgin, which I don't mind. We both do things together sexually, and have recently tried to have intercourse, but it didn't happen. We've both had a few issues- him with getting soft and me with pain down there when trying to get it up. My boyfriend's parents live abroad. He is very close to them however, and speaks with them most days. He has told me that they know absolutely everything about him, and he is very open with them. His father is coming from abroad to visit him tomorrow. He has told me that he is going to make sure that he talks about his sexual issue with him. I felt a little uncomfortable when he said this, and we had a longer discussion. He told me there would be nobody better to talk to about this than his dad, more than his best friend. He told me that it's obvious when two people are together they do things sexually, and when we do something sexual, occasionally he'll tell his parents that we 'had fun'. He said part of this is because he's 26 and never done anything like that with a girl, in a way they are sort of concerned for him, and thus he is keeping them updated. Whenever we are together, he is often sends pictures of me to his family, and although I cannot read their language, I often see my name coming up in their chats. It makes me wonder how far this will go, especially after his comment ' they know absolutely everything about me'. His mother and sister take pap/smear cervical tests. I don't as of yet. Apparently he has asked them how far up the tool goes, and has assured me it is not far. He has tried to talk me into getting the test more than once. I'm thinking, even if I did get it , would he tell his mom and sister? Would they try to get him to make me have it? I'm worried that further down the line if we were to get married that the family would get more and more involved and would know absolutely everything. He told me he would talk about issues around my health down there with his mother, as she used to be a nurse and again, his parents know everything. All I'm asking is for my privacy, it's a dealbreaker for me. I know he definitely doesn't mean bad, he knew I didn't feel good about it, but I can't help it. What do you guys think, am I being reasonable?",,1,Red_rose49,2023-05-31 23:30:28 RedPillWomen,13vy00x,Let your captain lead,"I have been in the market for a new vehicle for a few months now, but have been busy saving up for a down payment. And since I'm close to my target downpayment, my husband and I went to look at vehicles this past weekend. We settled on one car, which will be the most expensive and luxurious car I have ever owned. I am frugal, so I wanted the base model, but my husband and I really liked the extras in the top tier one. My husband asked me if it had everything I wanted and I told him it did, but the price gave me pause since it would increase my monthly payment past what I wanted to pay per month. So we got out of the car, and went back into the dealership. When we sat down, I let my husband do all the talking to the sales guy for two reasons. One, I don't know much about cars and have very little haggling skills in that area. Two, my husband and I had already discussed things and I knew he would make the best decision for us. So what did my husband do? He chose the top tier option and I STFU and nodded in agreement without snark or complaints. We paid a holding fee, since the car we want has to be built still, and left. Then on the drive back home, my husband surprised me and told me he was going to give me 50% of my downpayment and pay for it to get special detailing so it's extra nice when I receive it.and since my downpayment is already 50% of the car, that's no chump change. I was elated. The old me would've argued with him in the dealership and probably told him how much of a waste the extra couple of thousand dollars was for the top tier, etc. But by respecting my husband's judgement and place as my captain, especially out in public, it paid off for me in the long run. My husband is a capable man and knew that the costlier option was affordable to us and that it would make us both happier in the long run. And he found a solution to make me feel better about it as well.",,121,saddensgirl,2023-05-30 18:28:33 RedPillWomen,13urnby,how do i level up in terms of getting my career and school life together? i really need someone older than me to guide me,"Hi, I am twenty year old girl and I am in college at the moment. I have been learning about high value woman content for about a year now and I know that one of the important ways to level up is to becoming responsible financially so you're secure in yourself. How did you ladies take control of your life financially and how did that work out for you? In other words, how did you save yourself instead of waiting for someone else to save you?",,15,[deleted],2023-05-29 11:01:11 RedPillWomen,13uew78,Is it cheap to stop having premarital sex as a high body count woman?,I was thinking of becoming religious but ai don't want to scam anybody,,13,[deleted],2023-05-28 23:47:12 RedPillWomen,13u66st,"Genuine question: what's so bad about ""modern women""?","I tend to see a lot of negativity towards ""modern women"" in red pill space's from both men and women. And as someone who is not involved in those spaces I'm genuinely curious as to what a ""modern women"" even is and why are they so bad? If I had to guess going off of everything I heard it's because they choose not live male centered lives but I might be wrong.",,34,AK-7-,2023-05-28 17:33:55 RedPillWomen,13txt6h,Im in a leftist family,"First of all, sorry for my bad english, its not my first language. Im a 23 years old girl and Ive been raised in a leftist family. Since I was born I was brainwashed into this belief that the world was divided into ""good people"" (woke people) and ""bad people"" (republicans). But I recently realised that reality is more complicated than just that and that woke people arent as good as I was told. Fortunately, I got a boyfriend that thinks the same way I do, but his family is more supportive when he exposes his thoughts on politics. So he doesnt understands when I tell him my family will stop talking to me if they knew how I think. Sadly, the economy in my country is really bad so finding a job or moving out is not easy (even if I graduated in college). My boyfriend says I must tell them the truth even if it means I wont see them again but I dont wanna do things that way. I feel like no one understands me and I feel really lonely. What should I do?",,14,Negative_Ad1344,2023-05-28 11:08:42 RedPillWomen,13tsssc,How to express disappointment properly (without nagging etc)?,"My boyfriend and I (24m, 24f, 10 months) rarely have issues but I’ve realized that when something does come up I have trouble not going to the automatic nagging or whiny route. I want to learn how to express my disappointment or address an issue without being shrill, naggy etc. I want to address it femininely and appropriately. Anyone have any tips or dialogue they divert to??",,11,vinesandflowers,2023-05-28 05:58:35 RedPillWomen,13tz1qv,How to deal with husband's addiction with wasting time and playing games.," For context; we're married for 14 months, both 29 yo. Overall everything's fine. And I'm happy but this weekend we had continuous fight. We don't live together since my marriage, he comes on weekends. We both are doctors.He works in a basic health unit in a village and I live in the city with his family (who are nice to me). Professionally I'm senior to him. 3 years almost. But he's financially more stable by his family. But I always want him to succeed. He tries but not like I think he should do. He hasn't passed a single exam. He has alot of family business in the village to deal. And then alot of travelling for his health unit. And then on weekends he has to play pub-g. The only reason of our fight. I can overlook the facts his time getting wasted for family matters in the village but when he intentionally does this it boils my blood. No matter how much I try to control and not be bossy, I keep interfering, he'd be apologetic (while playing game) and then at 1 point he'll lose his temper too. He's been constantly playing game since friday. After every game he'll come to me trying to be playful, took me on long drive and other things. And again he'll go play game with his brothers. And if I ask him to leave it again and again, he says I'll start studying from monday. And I just cant get this digested. He's not a school going kid. I took a promise from him im ramadan that he won't play it for 1 month and he fulfilled it. Now he's doing it again. It's not that he's always doing it, but when he does he just won't stop and exam is near. I've been grumpy too. I don't know if I'm wrong or just making a mountain out of rye. But we're expecting a baby and I want him to be mature. tl;dr: couldn't put every detail, that would be long but I really need help. It has strained our relationship. And that's bothering me the most. But how can I just overlook the reality.",,3,False_Process_2473,2023-05-28 12:15:52 RedPillWomen,13sy6pj,My relationship with my FNF obsessed boyfriend,"My 3.5 year relationship has gone downhill since my significant other has started watching & following the FNF podcast. I personally think there’s a lot of beneficial content of self improvement for men, I mean I like that my partner is becoming more masculine. (I can say I believe we have similar beliefs since we were both raised by traditional Mexican families) I think the problem here is he is trying to apply what he hears but is not doing so effectively in the relationship aspect. The thing I have an issue with is that I often hear him saying very spiteful things about women. In any relationship scenario he hears, he puts the blame on women before even having enough context. It bothers me so much because he has become a disrespectful a-hole and he has been invalidating my feelings, he has began to play mind games and his words & actions make me feel unloved. He agrees with the concept of polygamy for men and men only. But at the same time he is in a monogamous relationship with me (makes me feel like he might cheat on me) hurts my self esteem Every time I try to tell him what bothers me, or when I ask him to stop doing certain things he says im masculine for trying to tell him what to do, he needs his freedom, and I am not marriage material (this particular comment bothers me a lot) I don’t know what to do. Any advice?",,34,tiredoftbs,2023-05-27 04:44:47 RedPillWomen,13r49eu,How do I move more gracefully?,"I feel like I barely know how to inhabit my body. I used to be extremely shy and insecure as a preteen/teen and would use my body language to minimize my chances of being noticed by anyone as much as possible, and a lot of these habits seem permanently ingrained in my mannerisms, like walking quickly and stiffly so no one would watch me, keeping my head down to avoid eye contact, keeping my shoulders rolled in, etc. I also didn't really do many physical activities for a long time other than musical theater, so I think I missed out on a lot of the brain/body connection that other people develop in their youth. I often receive comments or jokes and outright laughs from my friends and family and even coworkers about looking uncomfortable or awkward or ridiculous in how I move, and it actually really... *really* freaking hurts my feelings. I know I lack grace to a certain extent but for it to constantly be pointed out or used as a punchline makes me feel extremely unattractive and inferior. Because I'm tired of hearing this, I've tried to become a little more present in my body by getting in some physical activity (jogging, the gym, and recently a pole dancing class) and remaining aware of how I move and hold myself in day-to-day life, but someone close to me once again made a joke about how I was doing a popular dance move today and I'm just so sick of it. I feel like grace and fluid movement is a very feminine characteristic and I also feel like less of a woman for lacking it (without rigorous rehearsal and self-correction, something nobody else I know seems to need.) I'm sure many of you will say with the best intentions ""awkward women can still be feminine!"" but I just don't want that to be me anymore! How do I become more graceful and poised and move more elegantly and fluidly? Does anyone have any resources or recommendations?",,17,[deleted],2023-05-25 01:34:31 RedPillWomen,13qzz18,Less affection from boyfriend,"20F with 25M, about 2 months into the relationship, all of our values align and he is really great, only issue is he lives in another city (2 hours from mine) but he makes great effort to come see me, he doesnt work a 9-5 but has online business so he doesnt really have to take a vacation to see me. The problem is, about 1.5 weeks ago he has started replying to my messages slower, and sometimes I could write him for example 3 sentences with him replying with like two words. This is also when he has started having some issues with his business. Before this he has started to work during the night, so he wakes up at like 5pm...and we barely talk. So I do think the reason for his half-assed messaging is his business but I can't help but also feel like he is losing attraction but I feel like it's my insecurity speaking when I think that way and I'm honestly unsure. What prompted me to write this post is that I was planning to visit him over the weekend, and could go (by bus) late at night (almost midnight) on friday which I have no problem, except that I remember I am at a risk since I'm a woman. I honestly doubt anything would happen to me but I think you understand why I have that thought. So I jokingly said to him, ""do you think there will be creeps on that bus?"" and he just said ""idk if its a bother go on saturday"", I got the feeling that it's whatever to him whether I'm safe or not... It's always him making an effort to come see me and he spends a lot of money on me when he comes, so I really wanted it to be me coming to his place. Feeling hurt by his words I just said ""wow feeling rly talkative"" and he just replied with a thanks. I know it was wrong to say this but combined with almost no talking threw me off, I acted impulsively and instantly regret it. Honestly I don't really know what advice I'm asking for here, any advice is welcome. I keep myself busy since I'm studying so I try not to think about this but I still get so sad. I find myself reading our old messages on the verge of tears. I don't find him to be enthusiastic at all about me coming now.",,18,ygfam,2023-05-24 22:29:35 RedPillWomen,13qk1q9,"Feeling guilt, what would you do?","I feel very embarrassed writing this out. My ex and I have been back and forth for the last year and a half. We broke up because I found him emotionally cheating on me when we were in a dark time in our relationship. To make a long story short, we have a business together & I was stressed out by it. Stressed to the point where he hated being around me. He didn’t even want to do anything for the business at the time & he says his emotional needs were not being met - so he had an emotional affair. When I found this out I was devastated. I felt like I was trying to have our business stay afloat while he was off talking with some girl. Well, we broke up. I started seeing someone else. This led to me & this new guy getting close, one thing led to another and we’re seeing each other regularly. We never had s*x but I had performed oral. My ex was also seeing other women, he had a relationship with a woman who he had sex with and then they broke up. Then another one with another girl. I didn’t really mind, I understand we were broken up. My ex and I have been traveling for the last 5 months together but recently I decided we should part ways. My ex is a great person, he’s funny, caring, cuddly but he calls me names. And it gets to the point where it effects my self esteem and I feel stupid. Calls me things like “pathetic loser”, “I’m not feminine enough”, “i’m stupid” you get the point. Now we’re breaking up for maybe the 3rd time or so, I can’t even remember. My ex told me though “If I ever find out you had s*x during this breakup I’ll never take you back” I now sit here with guilt, because well I did. On our other breakup from a year ago I was seeing that guy and while I might not have had s*x it’s just as bad. Yes I know my ex had s*x with the other girls, he says it’s different when you’re a man and I understand what he means. Now I just feel guilty. I feel like because of what I did, and I don’t see a point in telling him, that I shouldn’t even try to ever get with my ex again. Of course I don’t really want to again because he calls me names & my body sometimes rejects him. I guess what Im saying here is what would you do?",,0,Original-Pineapple58,2023-05-24 12:21:29 RedPillWomen,13q48vi,Is it possible to effectively bridge major political/religious difference?,"Hi all! I'm in the process of getting to know people/dating with a purpose and I've posted on here before asking for advice during the vetting stage - in both situations the reactions were pretty negative, and I found them to be reasonable (and also true!); so back to the dating world I went. I've also acted on some self-improvement advice I got on here and started being more picky using dating apps, talking to fewer people at the same time and going on dates early on. I (22F) went back to talking to a man (34M) I met last year. He's a university professor and we're in the same field (I'm still a student, however). We have tons of things in common - how we deal with dating, music, what we want from the future, our priorities, etc. He is genuinely nice and caring and warm. I invited him to a family member's birthday party - and he got along so well with my entire family. We slow danced, kissed, and had a really really good time together. However, there are some major differences between us. I'm very pro-life, and he's admitted to being in support of abortion at least in some cases. I'm very Catholic, and as far as I'm aware, he's not. I have very conservative/traditional views on gender roles & a woman's role; he, however, does not. I hold the view men and women can't be friends, but he's mentioned several female friends already. We're both in a very liberal field - and his friends are too. So far these things haven't become problems yet. I've shared my desire to be a stay at home mom, and he's not opposed to it. So far, we get along very well and even when we disagree, things remain respectful and light. But, because he doesn't hold the same views on gender roles I do, I fear he'll grow bored or disappointed in me. He's a PHD; I don't even want to go after my masters. A career & extra degreees wouldn't fulfill me - cooking, cleaning, caring for my family, turning a house into a home, do. But I'm also aware that this choice will cause a gap in our intellectual repertoire, life experiences, etc; which is not a problem for me. But I fear it will, eventually, become one for him. I'm afraid of bringing this up and coming across as too anxious or too naggy. He's shown interest in committing even though we haven't been talking for very long. We work extremely well together so far. He's patient, extremely intelligent, determined; he's also very nice, charismatic. I feel like I can open up with him and he's said the same. Things feel comfortable. I want to commit as well; but I'm afraid of doing so and having these differences become a problem in the long run. Should we just avoid sensitive topics that we disagree on? How can I discuss one of these topics while remaining feminine and submissive to him? I'd appreciate any advice or insight yall have to offer!",,6,templilwitch,2023-05-23 23:19:00 RedPillWomen,13q16ra,trustworthy weightlifting youtuber (no e-girls),"Hello, I like lifting weights and try my best to have strictly good form. I am struggling to find a fitness youtuber that actually knows what they are talking about (and also don't dress super promiscuously\*). I have background as a runner and so often use J[ames Dunne](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCEBjuHm_Z6hz8Q6C_dm8bSg). I find him knowledgeable and trustworthy. I would like someone who is more focused on weightlifting and hypertrophy, though. Any recommendations? I realize this may be the wrong sub to ask, but I felt like I would get hate for backhandedly slut-shaming female ""fitness youtubers"" if I posted this on r /xxfitness. The male-majority weightlifting subreddits seem to be more about professional weightlifting and maybe they will not appreciate a noob question from a woman. I don't know where to go! I am hoping that other girls (or men!) here who do weightlifting will be able to help me out. Thank you! \*I am a bit of a prude in that I don't like seeing strangers of either sex super naked or in skintight clothing. It just makes me uncomfortable.",,6,leibesleid,2023-05-23 21:20:41 RedPillWomen,13pj4bo,"True Change is Only Possible When You Are Calm - First, Find What Makes You Calm.","Hi all! This post is more like a reminder for myself... I hope this can help anyone, especially people who are looking to uplift themselves while in a relationship. I find it really important to know when how to elevate myself, which in turn elevates my relationship, which is a part of myself. My psychologist has said: ""Elevating yourself improves your relationship, which is a part of yourself."" Yes, there are times when I put my partner first, but finding the balance is important - whether the relationship is RP or not. This is tricky to do, because in times of difficulty I find myself low in self-belief and turn to my partner with an expectation that he can ""fix"" it for me again. Rarely he does, but mostly he gets upset - ""You are usually so confident! Where has your self-belief gone? I love it when you love yourself. I want 'you' back."" Has anyone heard these words before? I have heard before that men see every problem presented by their woman as something they need to fix, even if the woman insists that it is not so. This seems to be true in my relationship. Sometimes when I share my problems with him, he gets upset if he realizes that neither he or I can fix them. Although I just want to talk to get things off my chest! Emotional problems are something which is ones own responsibility to tend to. Comfort can be great, advice can help, sharing and venting is definitely a great help. However, it's up to *me* to find my self-belief again. For example, there are times my partner is very busy/stressed with work. When I am calm and collected, I am able to entertain myself in such times so that he doesn't feel I am something additional he needs to tend to. But when I am low, I can become needy and I get even more needy if I realize he's been giving less attention to me. If I am really down, my negativity costs his energy. This is because two people in a relationship are connected, andn their emotions influence one another's, like two colors of watercolor bleeding into eachother. He says, ""I wish I had energy this time to help you, but I do not. I'm really sorry I can't be there for you as you like. My *own* plate is full."" I like how he communicates such boundaries, even though they hurt me sometimes. I am thankful I can trust his words when he states that he can be there for me or not. He knows himself well. He never shames me for having problems, he just gets upset if he cannot help. But when he is balanced or not overly busy, he is the most sweet, caring and gentle man I know. Reminder to myself: ""I cannot be there for you"" is a boundary, not a punishment. When he is not too busy, I feel the relationship heavenly. Soon, he is going to have a busy period again. Yet this time I want to do things differently. It is up to my own inner workings to succeed in changing. Finally I am at a peak of calm and I hope to cultivate things I've learned from books, podcasts, journaling, therapy, and this sub. My plan for this next 'boyfriend busy period' goes as follows: \- Journal more often. I don't need him to analyze my feelings. If any feelings are unbearable alone, I can try to talk with him or with my friends - but first make sure they are available to listen, as 1. energy bleeds, and 2. people feel obligated to help their loved ones in difficulties. \- Exercise makes me happy! I scheduled exercise 2-3x each week, so I don't have to think too much when it comes to self-care. \- I scheduled meeting friends throughout the month. We will do fun and stress-relieving activities. I deserve this! \- I myself will be busy with academic work. However, in order to stick to the plan, I must *first* be calm. If I am having too much anxieties it's easy for me to effortlessly reach out to my bf, which is what I am trying to avoid in times he is sensitive. What calms me down is journaling, exercising, planning, writing music, cleaning my apartment, making lists, talking with the therapist. I will utilize these options if I feel myself uncalm.",,40,flower_power_g1rl,2023-05-23 09:10:37 RedPillWomen,13pprd4,What does self improvement look like for you?,"I see a lot of posts on the men's RP side of reddit about self-improvement. It seems a lot of their goals are uniform: stronger body, better at leading, more self-confidence etc. On the other hand, I believe that being a woman, especially in the modern day, means we have are allowed much more variety in how we choose to express or improve ourselves. And so when I think of the women around me, I cannot find one model of self-improvement that may fit all. Some women must learn to be more accepting of their flaws, others less so. Some should work harder, some should take more breaks. Some should learn to be more assertive, others should learn to be more accepting. What about you? &#x200B; For me, self improvement is non-liner and intuitive. I do whatever will make me most happy, balanced and healthy at the time, until I believe I deserve it. Eventually, higher standards become habits until my subconcious believes that I can settle for nothing less. My self-improvement is a cycle of trial and error, changing expectations, savoring small achievements, and noticing how I feel and grow along the way. I am not harsh with myself, because doing so has lead me to dark places. Whereas for many men, being harsh with themselves does wonders, especially if it is their own choice! I am neither too forgiving of any current state of mine, as I believe life is constantly flowing and changing, and so should we. It is men's stoicism which balances our flow. This is a concept that took me a long time to accept. And so, what I see is that the self-improvement model most suitable with my womanly nature has room for experimentation, versatility, non-conformation, and non-linearity. What about you? This is my current plan: 1. **Step by step, raise my GPA** to a certain number necessary to get into higher education. I want to have higher degrees because I love to study my major. This love is so strong that I allowed it to become a central goal in my life. I deserve so much love close to me. I have failed courses in the past, I am bound to fail some again, and so I do not expect nor demand my grades to be in a linear incline. 2. **Weekly, view everything I experienced as a learning experience.** Reflect once a week in therapy about what my experiences that week have taught me. It's okay if the answers don't come immediately - some things take more time to process. 3. **Exercise 2-3 times a week** because I pay money for it and because my body loves the feeling. Did you know exercise is also beneficial for mental health? Ladies who love themselves will believe that they deserve excellent mental health, and treat their minds and bodies to a fun form of moving. On days I have body aches, I cancel the class. On days I crave more, I take another one. In this way, my exercise schedule is intuitive and best adds to my happiness. 4. **Keep in touch** with others that I love, because I never know when they will need me or when I will need them. 5. **Be kind** to most\*, because I don't know what's going on in their lives. &#x200B; The fruits so far have been: 1. My GPA improved by nearly 10 points in one semester, and I even got personal compliments from my professors! 2. With this mindset, resentments melt away and future expectations are lowered down to a realistic range. My therapist complimented me on my improved skills of self-assessment, reflection, and ability to change. 3. I'm not quite sure yet, but it's fun and I look forward to every workout! I guess I've been having more energy during working hours. 4. It's been wonderful to balance friendships. 5. I've made some new friends. People started describing me as 'kind'. Whereas I used to be described as 'cold', 'shy', 'closed off.' \*It's easy to get burnt out if I try to be kind to everyone! Would any other lady like to share what self-improvement has been looking like for her recently? &#x200B;",,14,flower_power_g1rl,2023-05-23 14:13:12 RedPillWomen,13olo97,NSFW: sex is unbearable for me (F18) to the point where i feel so weak and i can’t satisfy my partner (M20)," I (F18) have been dating my (M20) boyfriend for almost a year. He’s my first sexual partner and we see each other once or twice a month on weekends where we have sex throughout the weekend. the “first” sex when we meet moderately hurts and it last for almost an hour. after a few hours or the next day, when he tries to insert, it’s unbearable, it burns, and painful where he has to pull out and can’t continue . i feel like i can’t satisfy him as he has a high sex drive. we both have no illnesses and he’s a below-average size. we tried everything like foreplay and lube. what do i do?? do i go to the gyno",,27,Longjumping-Law-4457,2023-05-22 09:16:04 RedPillWomen,13ofz6c,18 years old. I’m terrified and hold so much resentment against men and I don’t know what to do. Need urgent help.,"Hi. First of all I’d like to say that I don’t hate all men. I know a lot of men are nice. Most of my friends are men, we play games together and hangout and I wish them the absolute best. I love my father and have an amazing relationship with him. I’ll try to explain myself because honestly I don’t know what’s wrong with me and how to fix it even though I already went to therapy. But this huge sadness and hatred is just too much. I have an extreme resentment towards men every time I think about romantic relationships. I spent most of my childhood being the ugly fat friend that none of them ever wanted, and had really gorgeous friends. So I basically watched and helped my girl friends getting into relationships, to an extent that every time a boy DMed me I already knew that he wanted my best friend’s number, or some advice to make her fall in love with him. This all started when I was about 5 years old, when little boys in my class started putting love letters between the pages of the notebooks of my female classmates. Of course I was left out and this never happened to me. No boy ever even looked at me twice. I know this sounds so stupid, but this traumatized me to the core. When we were 10-11 years old, people started kissing and holding hands, and I remember vividly that in June (here in Brazil we have a party called “Festa Junina”, basically a party season with typical food and country music), people were paying me 5 bucks to try to match them with their “crushes” and deliver gifts, because they knew how unwanted I was. It is SO WEIRD not being the “nerd bullied kid”, people LIKED ME, they wanted me in their friend groups, they never bullied me, but they never tried to hide how unlovable I was. There were times classmates asked boys to lie to me saying that they liked me, everyone hiding behind the door to see my reaction. it was so unbelievable to them that i could be actually wanted that it turned into a sick joke. The years went by, I felt like I was fucking invisible, and things got worse when I discovered that I could get attention from boys if I entered their friend groups. I started playing the games they liked and practicing sports with them and all of a sudden they started liking me and laughed at my jokes. Super cool, right? That’s what I thought at the time. But turning into a “bro” they could trust destroyed the very last ounce of femininity and self love I had for myself. Being in their group, I was treated like a boy. They actively reminded me of how unattractive I was, how I was never gonna be romantically pursued and loved, how It was so easy for them to be my friends because they didn’t want to fuck me. I was also really private with the boys I found remotely cute, because I knew I’d be rejected, so I never said anything. Actually, when I had a crush on a boy, I used to present him to one of my girl friends so they could date. To this day i’m friends with two couples that I “matched”. Torturing myself was a vicious cycle, seeing them with my pretty friends was so painful, seeing them holding their hands and putting their hair behind their ears broke my heart and I never said a word. I cry myself to sleep thinking my grandmother will probably die without seeing me with someone romantically. The first time I fell in love was in 2021, with a boy from my group of friends. I just was drowning in that feeling. I told him how I felt after some months, said that I just wanted to get that information out of my chest. He rejected me, which I understand completely because nobody owes me anything, nobody owes me love. But he told the other boys. And I became the joke of the century. They found it so funny of me to think that I had a chance with the guy. It was insane to them that I wanted to be desired for once. And I was so stupid that on his birthday, I organized a surprise party and when he showed up, he rejected my gift, threw the cake in the garbage can and said that he hated surprises and I was embarrassing myself. Everyone was there, all of my friends, and he refused to even sit with us and have a chat. I don’t even remember how I managed to not cry. I bought him some expensive t-shirts and I use them as pijamas to this day lol. Even when he screamed, no one defended me. Now I have this huge amount of anger I can’t get rid of. I find myself unlovable. I told my parents I’ll probably never gonna get married and that i’m considering celibate. When I say I am a virgin, or that I never had my first kiss, or that I don’t know that a romantic interaction feels like, people act shocked. I feel so out of place and abnormal. So disgusting. I can’t trust men. I have never felt SEXUAL DESIRE. If I think about couples, I bawl, or get super mad and frustrated. When i’m out in the park or the mall, I get angry looking at couples and when boys my age are around My body reacts as if they are all a threat. I’m terrified of boys. I can’t believe in true love and commitment. I dream at least once a week that I’m always the bridesmaid in a wedding, but never the bride. I despise romance movies. I can’t read romance books anymore. I resent boys in a way that, even if one of them told me they wanted me, I wouldn’t believe. I would check if they were joking and mocking me. I can’t help but feel this way. I need urgent advice and help.",,32,86MADMAX,2023-05-22 04:09:29 RedPillWomen,13muf4u,Men: An Appreciation Post,"Hello RPW! I’ve been seeing a lot of posts lately from ladies struggling with their view of men, RP theory, and individual men in their lives. It got me thinking of all the ways I’m grateful for my man, and men in general. Note: This is my first time posting from this account (made a new one for pregnancy-related stuff) Here’s just a few of the many things I appreciate about my man: - He is a natural problem-solver - He is an *incredible* listener and always encourages me to come to him if something’s not right - The way he grabs me and pulls me in for a passionate kiss while I’m cooking for him makes me absolutely melt, oh my goodness - He is a fantastic provider and always makes sure my needs are met. Before this relationship, I always put my needs last in order to take care of others. He doesn’t let me do that anymore! - He has a strong moral character and his countenance is steady. I can rely on him to lead and provide stability. - Family is very important to him, and he’s very traditionally minded. We’re expecting our first child in December and he’s been so excited from the start! - I have full faith and confidence that he’ll make an excellent head of household. He’s the first man I can truly envision growing old with, surrounded by a gaggle of grandchildren. There’s honestly so much more - I could go on for hours about how lucky I am to be with him. RP really does work, and I’m so grateful for the guidance and support of this community. For reference - I’m 31 and he’s 29, so not the “standard” age pairing you’d expect. For those ladies that are struggling - don’t give up! Keep focusing and working on yourself. There are plenty of good, strong, loyal men out there. And to the traditional men - thank you for staying steady in a misguided modern culture.",,103,dropdeadgorgon,2023-05-20 14:16:35 RedPillWomen,13oeys3,How can I (25F) emotionally seduce him (30M) to get what I want,"We’ve known each other for 5 years went to college together and have a 2 year old together. He went through some mental health issues that went untreated at which time we separated but he and his family kept me updated with his medication and therapy etc. and when he started getting help he resumed supporting us financially with the major bills and even kept our baby at his place a couple days a week long story short he is back in his career and thriving and he brought up in conversation one day while we were at an art festival that he is considering moving forward with marriage. He also told me he is moving in August and wants us to live together I told him I’m not sure and that although Ive enjoyed every day spent with him I couldn’t imagine living with him without feeling that we each had a defined role (as in wife and husband although I didn’t use these words) I think when I said that he went into problem solving mode and started using logic, saying that it would be best for our baby and that he just wants to see what living together for a year plus would be like. I don’t absolutely need marriage esp since his name is on the birth certificate and you can get legal protection even with LTRs but I just don’t feel like he’s emotional enough when it comes to this otherwise he would just say let’s be in a LTR or propose with a ring Do I agree to this arrangement and if so, how do I seduce him to be even more emotionally involved? I’m thinking maybe not say yes just yet and leave it up in the air? His response was just a little too flimsy for my liking. His emotions are involved, he’s written me love poems, and everything. But what can I do to make him MORE confident, more emotional, without convincing him or making him feel like it’s not his idea? Thank you lovelies",,0,itsdolcekay,2023-05-22 03:20:48 RedPillWomen,13m80da,Seeing a guy for 3 months without commitment. Should I break up with him?,"I've been seeing a guy for 3 months with no commitment, and probably none in sight. I won't get into why that is but let's say I imagine a lot of it is my fault. I am not a woman worth committing to. That said, he is an alpha male and probably the best I can land so I kind of want to keep seeing him. I am 25 and I know I need to stop sleeping with him and start genuinely dating to find a husband but I genuinely have no value to bring and what's the point if it's just gonna be some beta who I'm gonna get even fatter around and divorce anyway? I know I need to break up with him I just don't want to. And it's hard to accept that most other guys are going to be lower quality. It's hard to accept that I'm ugly and fat and masculine and that it's going to take time and effort years of time and effort to correct these things and I have less than two years to find the right guy.",,2,[deleted],2023-05-19 21:16:07 RedPillWomen,13l1ibf,Placeholder VS Dream Girl,"Know the difference and where you stand, ladies. Really take some time to consider if you are his dream girl or just a placeholder for him to find his dream girl. Men are just as romantic as women if not more. They are willing to do anything for the woman they love. If his dream woman comes into his life he is willing to do anything for her. There won’t be any hesitation or fear of commitment, he won’t keep you waiting. If you are his dream girl he will do anything to get you to be his. You should never have to feel like you have to earn him, he should come to you, and you to him. And if you and him enter into a relationship, always keep an eye out for signs whether he truly loves you or he sees you as temporary. It is OK to test your man, in fact it should be encouraged. By this I mean to use every conflict in your relationship as an opportunity to see his mannerisms. See how far he would go for you. Observe his temper and how he handles stressful situations with you. Does he take you into consideration when making hard choices? Does he make you feel heard and validated? Does he make you feel provided for and protected? Only provide him with respect and comfort if he provides you with his loyalty. I am tired of seeing posts in dating subs complaining about how women feel pressured by their man to change. How their man prefers blondes or athletic girls and how they feel they can’t match it. If you follow the RPW mindset then you’re already undergoing all the right steps to make your man the happiest they can be in a relationship, and if he is making you feel like you’re unsatisfactory then you’re probably not the one he’s looking for. A man should never make you feel that way, know the difference if you’re his dream girl or just a stepping stone for him to reach one closer to it.",,104,buttermiIk,2023-05-18 15:03:40 RedPillWomen,13l195v,Is this true?,"My friend (she is a girl) said ""A guy who will love you, will love you for from day one. And the guy who won't love you from day 1 won't ever love you.""",,21,GreenProfessional515,2023-05-18 14:53:21 RedPillWomen,13kma2b,Liberal men vs conservative women,"I’ve had this theory that many men who say they are liberal would easily change viewpoints if dating a conservative woman (pro-gun, pro-life, anti-left wing). I think deep down men agree with right wing beliefs and pretend to support liberal left wing ideas because they hope to get laid, and don’t have to be responsible for any consequences.",,24,Clear_Round5553,2023-05-18 02:46:38 RedPillWomen,13kenku,I need some advice on how to deal with uncomfortable situations,"I grew up in an abusive family, which is why I’m not close to them now and maintain low contact. When my SO and I started dating about 3.5 years ago (my first relationship), I met his family around the 1 year mark but he only met mine around the 3 year mark (my family lives in a different country). I was upfront with him about my family from the beginning and it was something both of us decided together. I didn’t see any reason to tell his family any details, but they seem to have made some assumptions, a major one being that my family disapproves of my SO because he’s a different ethnicity than I am. When we mentioned that my family would be visiting me for the first time in years and hence meeting my SO for the first time in-person (there have been virtual meetings very infrequently before) my FIL immediately started joking about how my family is coming out here to “beat up” and “kill” my guy. He brought up some stereotypes about the race my parents and I are. Then, every time we talked to him after, he’d ask about my parents’ upcoming visit and then wish my SO “good luck” and reiterate that they were gonna beat him up. Throughout my parents’ visit here and even after they left, he has continued making the same jokes even when my partner told him that everything was fine, they are pretty quiet people, boring even. With our most recent visit for Mother’s Day, FIL went on and on along the same vein; at the dinner table later with SIL’s in laws (who were attending for the first time) he told them about his son meeting his in-laws and joked that it went through with no honour killing or kidnapping and his son didn’t get his “head chopped off”. I told my SO that I was uncomfortable with these jokes being repeated over and over again, and that they’re going off pure assumptions based on race/culture. I admit that I’ve been private about my family and only mentioned surface-level info, but that’s how it is. I also admit that we didn’t have anything gushingly positive to say about my family, but neither of us has publicly criticized them either. I’ve kept quiet thinking that FIL just cares about his son, but he’s never voiced any concern openly without being snarky. This is really getting to me, making me feel awkward, uncomfortable and “other-ed” as I’m the only non-Caucasian at these events and nobody else gets these jokes. I don’t even like my family but I feel guilty that I’m not “defending” them. Dignified silence, directly refuting the jokes (politely), deflection or changing the subject hasn’t worked; FIL doesn’t get the hint. I also find it difficult to be confrontational and “impolite”. There’ve been other situations with FIL where I’ve felt similarly. I’m questioning if I’m making a big deal out of this for no reason (I was called “over-sensitive” growing up). Please let me know your thoughts and if you have advice for me. Thank you.",,4,Unoriginalname003,2023-05-17 21:27:35 RedPillWomen,13kc2fv,Classy casual style advice?,"Hi ladies! I've been working on my wardrobe for the warmer seasons and struggling a little bit because a lot of my clothing is stuff that I either don't feel comfortable wearing in everyday situations because it's more revealing (tube tops and yoga pants) or that I just don't feel very presentable in (sweatpants/shirts). A lot of the style inspiration I collect from social media is also kind of within one extreme or the other in terms of modesty and versatility. I'm not an incredibly modest person myself and follow the general American social norms of dress, such as exposed upper arms being no big deal, but I prefer to keep the revealing to a minimum and focus on one area at a time -- ie, a scoop neck top with a long skirt. I also just personally \*cannot\* feel at ease in crop tops. &#x200B; I was hoping some of you could suggest some of your go-to outfit combinations for the spring and summer times that are feminine and flattering but would also be appropriate to wear to the library or while visiting your aunt and uncle. Much appreciated!",,2,[deleted],2023-05-17 19:48:55 RedPillWomen,13jewle,Nice things to do,"What are things I can do for my bf besides sex and cooking? We are waiting till marriage We both still live at home (22m23f)",,15,Double-Take6709,2023-05-16 19:36:20 RedPillWomen,13iug7d,I'm stuck in a short term relationship and I'm so depressed,"Every day I am so sad. I have been with my boyfriend for about 10 months now. We started as an agreed upon short term relationship. Not fwb, but actual like boyfriend girlfriend stuff. This started because we both live in a remote area and both haven't had a lot of relationship experience- we're each other's second boyfriend and girlfriend. I have a very specific type of man I like, which is rare, and he fulfills that. This trait isn't commonly seen as attractive in men. We decided screw it, we are both 25 and just want the experience of being with somebody, having somebody to be with and sleep next to again. We are not long term compatible. He's always wanted more with me. He wants me to be his girlfriend for life. I am the one holding back because I see our fundamental incompatibility. However, I was too weak to be alone. I live with an elder family member. My boyfriend's mom is pretty unstable and he refers to her as his abuser, and she's been physically abusive to him by hitting his ears before, but none outside of that that I know of. I see what he's talking about, but I haven't seen so bad of a side of her yet, and honesly, she never started having issues with me until I started doing disrespectful and irresponsible things around the house that I'm embarrassed of. She kicks me out one day and boyfriend asks if he can move in with me, since he has been tired of his mom his whole life anyways and the whole point of this relationship was to not be lonely. He's been wanting to move out bad and she's been a helicopter mom preventing him from doing that. He tried moving out the January before we met (we met in July of last year) and she intervened with that and prevented it. I ask my family member, also unstable, but has matured significantly in the past couple of years, and she says yes he can live here. He's here now, and I'm glad that if he moves out now at least he can do it peacefully and thoroughly and not have to do it while living with his mother, who would have stalked him just like before. When he first moved here, she stalked us for weeks coming up in her car and parking on random spots on the street and watching us from afar, for God knows what. She's come over uninvited, and we never gave her the address. We live in a small town, so she drove over to our town and drove past every single house (our population is like 5,000) to find where he car was parked, that's how she found out our address. She showed up to his work, where she used to work with him as well until she used up all her unpaid time and the system automatically fired her, and tried to chase him down one day in the semi private parking lot where only employees are to be (note, it's a warehouse, so there IS no public part of it, so she was kind of trespassing, and abusing the fact that she knew how to get in there and stuff since it was her previous place of work. He goes into work one day few weeks after we move in together and she yells to him, ""where do you think you're going"" and physically chases him and tries to grab him. His managers are concerned and send him to HR. Thanks to her, they now have new security measures set in place in the parking lot. When he met with HR that day, they advise him to cut contact which he wanted to do anyways. He's with a police officer there and the police officer helps him phrase a text to her to make sure that she can't contact him without him being able to get her into legal trouble. We're in a bunch of debt from eating out because my family member is very strange about who can use the kitchen and stuff. She now seems remorseful, but that doesn't help now, after we've already landed debt. We also keep accumulating debt because we both have bad coping skills, you know how I said we're incompatible? It's because we're both too sensitive. So being around him only depresses me. And then when I'm depressed I act in ways that stress him. And then when he's stressed I wanna die because I can't take being around his sad ass energy. I found out he was submissive the 3rd day together and at that point I knew I fucked up but was too weak and wanted to be with somebody to walk away. I didn't feel any chemistry on the first day, but that solidified it. So, when he's stressing about our stuff we have going on, he's always grumbling or something, UNDERSTANDABLY, I'm not heartless, I know he has good reason to be stressed, but he is even more sulky and mopey than ME, and I am the QUEEN of sulking and moping, so thats really bad. It depresses me when he cant just chill out. I'm not saying it in a heartless I just want him to not be effected way. I mean when I try to bring a positive light to a situation and tell him that hey we can be stressed and still try to be in the moment, he can NOT do that, and that's one of my few positive mental traits, and I'm so heartbroken that's being ripped from me and shat on. I'm at a loss for what to do. My whole family keeps telling me not to let him go, just because they seem him buying shit for me (moreso in the beginning since we're broke now, but they seem him working hard and just sleeping all day when he's not at work and being shy and quiet), which I disagree with, but I feel gaslit. This is incoherent and all over the place but I just needed to start getting things out. I was gonna get back to one of my points about still accumulating debt. So since we both have bad coping skills, when we stress each other out I go into flight mode and beg him for starbucks, bad, I know. I'm not just trying to use him but it is my ojpy way of coping when I try to ease tension between us and he just gets more mad at me",,0,patisseriepresents,2023-05-16 04:04:02 RedPillWomen,13hv5w3,thoughts on TheWizardLiz?,i have been trying to find videos to heal and learn from. does anyone recommend TheWizardLiz from Youtube? what are other female creators that i should watch/follow?,,15,hadyayasmin,2023-05-15 02:39:19 RedPillWomen,13hn0ag,Questions about Looking for HVM in Person,"Sorry if this has been asked to death. I, 31F, just met the closest thing to a HVM in my online dating experience. On paper he is everything I’m looking for. He’s older, 57. Established, owns his own business, and is successful. He has an excellent personality from what I’ve seen so far we’ve talked for hours most nights in the few weeks since we’ve connected. He expressed that he is looking to remarry, divorced in 2016 after 20 years of marriage. No kids. Only issue here is that I have noticed that weekends tend to be very patchy communication wise. I also notice there are times at night while we’re chatting that he will receive “work related” calls and have to pause our conversation to handle them. He’s also made updates to his Hinge profile since we met. I’m not holding these things against him, since we’ve only recently connected. However, I have my doubts as to whether he truly wants to remarry or if he is taking advantage of his high value status to keep the company of many women and is using Hinge to do this, as many men do. I’ve so thoroughly enjoyed chatting with him that I feel reinvigorated in my search for a high value partner I have chemistry with. My specific taste in men feels validated now that Ive come so close. I’ve decided to delete Hinge and take my search IRL. My plan is to attend events and go to bars where I think my type of men visit often. Is this typically what others do in my situation? When Ive done this in the past, what always happens is I get approached by men that are not my type who monopolize my time and make me appear unapproachable. Even when I politely turn them down they stay in my vicinity and make things awkward. What advice or strategies do you ladies have for this?",,0,nyvara,2023-05-14 20:51:05 RedPillWomen,13ggdhh,"Those of you who have no personal income and stay home with your kids, what does your financial situation look like?","Please be as detailed as possible - how are the bills paid? Do you have a budget for things like gas and groceries? How do you (as the stay at home wife) pay for personal things like a new dress, Starbucks coffee, getting your hair done? Do you ask permission and discuss? Are you given a personal budget? What is common?",,20,UniformFox_trotOscar,2023-05-13 12:33:15 RedPillWomen,13gsn3g,Seeking book recommendations - something similar to The Empowered Wife by Laura Doyle but with a more spiritual perspective.,"I read The Empowered Wife earlier this year (twice!) and found her perspective SO refreshing and practical and transformative. Right now I'm reading The Way of The Empowered Man by David Deida to get a better understanding of the masculine experience, and I'm really enjoying the way he fuses an understanding of sexual polarity/gender dynamics with a broader lens of spiritual fulfillment. I'm wondering if there are any books out there with a similar perspective, but from a woman's perspective, written for women? So far that the books I've come across are either very RP but not spiritual, or promote feminine spirituality while being somewhat anti-men. I'd love to find something that's a combination of a solid RP understanding while also viewing relationships as a vehicle for spiritual growth and fulfilment in a more transcendental/non-dual way. Thank you!",,4,be_tsu_ni,2023-05-13 21:01:57 RedPillWomen,13gxij0,How important is education(university degree level)?? I want to earn money right now!!!,"Currently, a first-year university student, studying psychology which I am interested but there are also modules that I don’t like, at the moment I am doing okay but procrastinate a lot. - I like my course, but I don’t like how I am just learning the theory and not able to use it in real life to help people, I want to become a therapist or equivalent. - I don’t come from a wealthy background, so my degree is funded through a loan. - Recently, I came across this programme that would train me to become a therapist and as soon I graduate(6months-1year) I can take clients and start making money. The program is quite expensive, and I am thinking of borrowing money from my family. - My issue is I want to earn money as soon as possible through doing something that I am passionate about, I don’t really want to wait to finish my degree and then start finding a job and do training. - I am desperate for money because my family doesn't support me financially and I want to achieve financial freedom. - If I start the program I would have to balance my degree and the program, I am not sure if I can manage(I probably can, but I have a feeling that I might spend way more effort on the program than my degree, but I want good grades as well). So I am really conflicted right, please give me some advice thank you!!!",,2,ComprehensiveGain892,2023-05-14 00:30:06 RedPillWomen,13fq5cv,Anyone is beyond the Wall and no results?(+30),"Any RedPill Women who hit the wall and is way beyond like me? I am +30 years old and I can say that after the pandemic, my chances are slimming down very much. I wrote down what I think it's my situation: \-Below average (since teenage years). My face + body is a bit odd. I did worked a lot to fix the fixable, but it stays very much odd. In my peak period, I was thin and had a great posture, going to the gym and had an ""adult"" sense of style. Still never met anyone who was ready to wife me up. After the peak period and some health issue, I lost/ruined my looks. Therefore, it's rare that I get approached for romantic intentions. \-Not a career woman. For personal reason (helping my siblings) I didn't get a ""good"" degree so I didn't pursue a real career, but just job. Despite getting some recognition here and there, yeah I am not a professional. I noticed lots of men (mainly due how we need 2 income to run a household with kids) are impressed/interested in professional women around their brackets. Attorney do marry accountant. Doctors marry Engineers. My sister is a very young PhD and Assistant Lecturer and her circle is mainly made by men who married/engaged with women with similar titles. My working circle does varies, but I can see that lots of women marry way lower income brackets and they struggle to do everything. \-Quiet personality. That can be considered an interesting quality or a flaw, it depends on the man. However I noticed that since I am in my 30s, men do seems to be only interested to use me as temporary friend/emotional support. I cut a lot of my interactions that do end up like that, but still co-workers still treat me like that. A person to ask advice on random things for their wives/girlfriends. \-Went beyond the Wall. Very hard to admit, but I am beyond the wall. My sister has a long line of potential husbands going over there and I am left with crumbs before and now nothing. We recently went to a local event, for all ages and it was hard to go home and know that not even the 40-50s men put my name down. All the girls under 30s, normal looking and very beautiful ones, got at least 1 match. On the pool of 30s something women, only me and another woman did not get matches and we were the oldest and not particular beautiful. \-Desperation always backfires, the contrary of desperation backfires too. Yep, for a couple of years I really got desperate. I would talk to anyone, chase men or replies, work so hard to get the info I needed and reassure him that everything was fine as long he was okay to commit. Of course they will never commit. Now I am in the complete opposite direction, I am simply not even able to hold on a conversation/reply to apps messages. If I do is weeks later, and the profile is nearly always deactivated, not responsive or just not interested anymore. Since January 2023, I checked the only website that I was paying, 2 times. I only had 1 message and that for me was like a confirmation that it's useless to put so much effort. So there is of course other things that happened but it's very personal. I learned a lot in what I wanted in a man over the years, from the very vague disney-type of love and men to a more realistic idea of relationship. What I presume really ruined me is my father. My father is a top tier man. And having a mother who kept telling me too look someone like my dad and nothing more, left me a bit confuse/unable to grasp the reality around me. Seeing the men I would speak to and see how ""little"" they were in comparison with my dad and his manners or other things, really ruined my abilities to select and vet better. And vetting is still a skill that I didn't learn that well and I went from poor vetting to extreme , to ""at the end he will do whatever he wants to"". So what's beyond the wall? For those who cannot pull off a magical man and future in a twist of surprise? Any advice for the following? \-RedPill Women and celibacy-single life content \-Loss of motherhood \-Marriage/Love is not guarantee in life. ***PS - Should have added that I am now ill, so pursue romantic goals is wrong. I need to revaluate and direct whatever I have left to single life. Please don't ask me more info, I really hate talking about it.***",,31,Lea_Ugly_Lea,2023-05-12 16:38:22 RedPillWomen,13fvopj,Is it reasonable to ask partner to stop lecturing me.,"I’m 23 and my fiancé is in his 40s. We’ve been together for a year and know each other for almost 3. He’s very smart and supportive. However, he goes into rants that emotionally destabilize me. He tells me that it’s tough love, and that he’s looking out for me. Those rants make me want to quit my job, and often sends me into panic attacks. The conversations never end up getting heated, as I’m good at controlling my emotions. However, I want to ask him to stop initiating those conversations. I’d rather seek out his advice if I ask for it, but not have him invade my thought process with his ideas - whenever he pleases. He often contradicts himself, which doesn’t make it easier.",,15,stayathomedaughter8,2023-05-12 20:11:47 RedPillWomen,13fcip9,Do you guys feel a little blue when your husband is away?,"My husband is away for a weekend with his family. It’s only a couple of nights and I declined to go with for valid reasons irrelevant to this post. We both wfh, but he has his own office so we don’t see each other much during the day, and he’s often just chilling quietly trying to decompress on weeknights, but knowing he’s there is comforting. Just him sleeping next to me is one of my favourite things. I didn’t realise how much his presence can impact the feel of the house until now as I’ve done a few trips myself this year (work/family) but I haven’t been alone in this space before. We bought this place at the beginning of the year. It’s not massive. But it’s big: 2 floors, 3 beds, 3 full baths, one wrap around balcony, and one pretty big but smaller balcony downstairs. Now it’s the coldest day we’ve had all year (southern hemisphere, winter is coming) and it’s raining. And I miss his presence. Idk how but when he’s here the house feels full even though it’s just one extra person and we’re not physically together most of the workday. I feel his absence already and acutely. I’m sure I’ll adjust pretty quickly but it’s almost comforting to feel a little blue. It reminds me how much he adds to my life even when he’s doing nothing. We’ve been together three years and I know that I am fully in love with him. I feel really lucky to be feeling blue right about now! I’m going to text him and let him know, but just thought that this may be the one place where my activity-craving brain could also post about it :) Here’s to all us ladies who have wonderful partners. May the sparkle never leave our love stories ♡",,24,jenna_grows,2023-05-12 06:05:07 RedPillWomen,13f5wjj,I’m single at 30 and feel…lost…," I’m a single 30 year old woman. I always thought I would get married reasonably young and have kids around age 30. Somehow life didn’t go as planned and here I am. I’ve been using dating apps for a while now but I almost never find men I am interested in. I’ve joined social groups and clubs but almost everyone I meet is already in a relationship or decades older than me. My social group is already paired up. Every time I open Instagram I’m bombarded by pictures of love and weddings and babies. I desperately want those things too. I feel so lost and left behind. I’m turning 31 soon and it feels like I’ve somehow been left behind by life.",,29,Comfortable_Lime_772,2023-05-12 00:58:57 RedPillWomen,13fv1jp,Why are some men like this?,"I met a guy through a friend at a music festival, he stayed close to me the whole time, dancing with me, and holding me. Showing me clear signs that he was into me. We exchanged numbers. The next day he texts me saying that while he finds me attractive, he thinks it’s better to remain friends. And proceeds to try to set up a day to get coffee or lunch. I decided to not see him again bc I wasn’t even interested in seeing him again and had decided that right after the festival. Why would he think I wanted to be more than friends after meeting him for the first time? Was this a way of “negging” me? I’m genuinely confused as to why he would say that it’s better to stay friends when I never expressed interest in dating/being in a relationship with him especially since I literally only saw him once. Kind of funny he would think that.",,0,btcgainz,2023-05-12 19:46:18 RedPillWomen,13e5th4,how to reverse the damage of high body count?,"What do you do about... ... Less happiness/sexual chemistry/marital satisfaction? ...Less ability to pair bond/fall in love? ...not being happy with men in your league/comparing them to past exes? ...emotional/psychological damage (if there is any) (Also, how are women damaged through sex? I never understood.) ...being less desirable/having men reject you because of it? ...causing jealousy in your future relationships? ...STDs? ...sex no longer being romantic/intimate?",,11,[deleted],2023-05-10 22:43:47 RedPillWomen,13e5wsm,How do you all feel about situationships?,Good? Bad? Can you stay in then and try and see if you can get a relationship?,,6,[deleted],2023-05-10 22:47:36 RedPillWomen,13d7gyz,Why Your “Fat Reduction” Workouts Aren’t Working.,"Why Your “Fat Reduction” Workouts Aren’t Working. With the use of social media in the fitness community, many women are starting to promote their workout routines. Whether for fat loss, muscle gain, or overall health, the internet has provided easy access to various workout routines. When consuming media types, believing what you see isn’t always the best idea. Women that aggressively promote their “spot reduction” workouts for losing fat in specific areas of your body are lying to you. Doing “Chloe Ting’s” 2-week training will not help you lose weight. These women and influencers online sharing this information have entirely different genetics, wear waist trainers, and most of them take steroids anyways (although they won’t admit to taking them). I’ve seen my friends struggle to realize this in more recent years, with physiques being posted almost everywhere on social media now. It seems there is a constant reminder that we (consumers of these posts) should look exactly like them. I’ve done sport-specific training and weight lifting for aesthetic reasons, and have done the beginning stages of training to compete in powerlifting. It is better to work out to achieve your personal goals than chase a body you’ll never be able to have. To achieve your goals, you have to have discipline. You can’t have the results without putting the work in. It begins by simply showing up at the gym. If losing weight in your stomach and wanting a “toned tummy” is your goal, ab routines from influencers will not be beneficial. You can do their workouts all you want, but they have different genetics than you, so their work outs won’t give you the result you’re looking for. Going into a caloric deficit, increasing the number of workouts you are doing, and the intensity of the exercises will help you reach this goal. Along with increasing the amount of cardio, you’re doing. Whether at the gym or walking your dog, doing cardio and being consistent. Inconsistency will damage any progress you make and the habits you create. While going into a caloric deficit and doing more exercise sounds like the promotion of starving yourself to be skinny, it’s far from that. Being in a caloric deficit means eating roughly 200-500 calories less than usual. You can achieve this by having less processed foods. If your goal is to “build a dumpy” or build any muscle mass, you need to increase your protein intake. Increasing your protein intake does not mean eating whatever you want or feel like. It needs to be 1 gram or 2 grams of protein per body weight. For reference, I weigh 160 lbs, and I am 5ft 10 inches. I work out 5-6x a week, and my protein intake is 200 grams of protein, 80 grams of carbs, and 145 grams of fat. You need to be strict with the food you consume to achieve your desired goals. Speaking from experience, “cheating” the system with your diet does nothing for you. Eating healthy also helps provide the body energy needed when working out, as well as reducing the risks of other health-related problems. If you want to improve yourself and step toward a healthier lifestyle, take action now. Stop comparing yourself to people taking steroids and growth hormones to lean themselves out.",,67,Goodtreesbadknees,2023-05-09 21:58:57 RedPillWomen,13cnmfg,Good male psychology books,Any recommendations on male psychology books? Or dating books in general,,24,AdventurousBag4302,2023-05-09 11:59:52 RedPillWomen,13bwxi4,Media's Portrayal of Tradwives,"I feel like the tag tradwife has been highly twisted by the media and by some people from the inside of the community who are giving the wrong impression. I keep seeing news articles talking about so-called tradwife influencers who are saying some racist non-sense and then everyone assumes that everyone that identifies as trad is like that ([https://www.opendemocracy.net/en/countering-radical-right/tradwives-sexism-gateway-white-supremacy/](https://www.opendemocracy.net/en/countering-radical-right/tradwives-sexism-gateway-white-supremacy/)!!!). I am not saying it is only the journalists fault but also the tradwives that get more exposure on social media and talk as representatives of the whole community as if we all think the same. It's unfortunate that having the desire to become a good wife, a good homemaker and a good mother (not an incubator of white babies!) is getting so demonized. Am I the only one seeing this or do you think that as well?",,27,traddypeach_463,2023-05-08 16:24:29 RedPillWomen,13bqjke,Ungrateful - An Update,"With a heavy heart I asked my SO to talk about yesterday. He did not consider my „wifely Support“ worthy of being mentioned. I told him that even though it would have been the cent thing to do - even more since we are not yet even engaged!!! And for him to omit my birthday is also highly unusual. He retorted that I had stolen his spotlight by demanding to celebrate my birthday. and would I please mind his cats while he is off with his buddies… No, I will not do anymore wifely things. He can either let his parents care for his cats or hire someone. I will not do anymore for his Ungratefullness.",,28,Such_Beginning_1629,2023-05-08 14:03:55 RedPillWomen,13b0td0,Are “redpill” men the type to make you feel empowered?,"Why or why not? My friend and I were discussing what true freedom and empowerment is. One take is that a man who expects you to be super feminine, quiet, submissive and fulfill conventional gender roles with eventually drain the raw vitality out of you so you become a robot. The other is that men like that are the natural order— men protect and women nest and nurture— and that’s the way of things and when the two roles become mixed or blurred, problems occur, starting from the individual then graduating to society. What are your thoughts? Empowerment meaning: confident, free, uninhibited, authentic, etc",,11,Hellotrueme,2023-05-07 19:52:57 RedPillWomen,13adnot,Was it me?,"Hi RPW, I (30F) am looking for some advice after coming out of a rough experience. I started dating a man(32M) about 5 months ago who has very strong stance that feminism has ruined the possibility of a ‘traditional’ relationship and completely stripped men of what they actually want from a woman (purity/commitment due to evolutionary needs to ensure paternity of any offspring created). He expressed there needing to be a reckoning for men in the dating world, due to all that feminism has taken from men against their will or benefit. This concept has come up a few times any time I try to touch base about our relationship status or his commitment into our time together. I am admittedly pretty insecure about relationships as I carried a lot of hurt from my only long term relationship (5.5 yrs, he told me we had a ‘special’ relationship and that full commitment was on his mind and then one day said “I don’t want to lose you, but I wonder what else I’m missing out on something because we got together so young”). I made it clear every time that I don’t expect a label, I just want to be crystal clear on the situation because I’m relatively new to dating and don’t want to hope/think this was something that it was not. He would always deflect by saying things like “I’m a serial monogamist I guess” or “I’m a guy with really high values and integrity” outside of these discussions, but would never answer any questions outright. Instead, he would spin things around back to me and insist that commitment wasn’t possible because feminism killed the traditional relationship. It would always result in him getting super angry, saying this was a super hurtful subject for him, and then saying things like “idk why women think they should be leaders or scientists when they’re this illogical” or “you bought into the feminism ideology so easily, why can’t you tell me how we make things right for men”. I try really hard to understand and be empathetic, but there are many times we hit a wall and I end up crying, feeling really terrible about myself (that I’m dumb and undeserving of anything good). Lately, things just haven’t been sitting well for me and I’ve been feeling really anxious/insecure when I don’t hear from him. I told him early on that something I needed and really valued out of a relationship was the feeling of “security”, yet he has been unable to provide me with any verbal confirmation that I was the only girl he’s seeing. We’ve been sleeping together for most of the time we’ve been seeing each other. The context clues around me led me to think that I was the only girl he was seeing with this much intimacy, but I still found myself feeling really insecure without any verbal confirmation. He has talked a lot about his female friends and has disclosed that his ideal situation was having a partner who was cool with him hooking up with someone whenever he felt “really good sexual chemistry” with them. I also caught him updating his dating profile once and he claimed it was for me to see a really cool video of him, even though he had already showed it to me in person a few days before. So my anxiety came to full surface this week and before we were set to see each other again, I told him that I hadn’t been feeling great lately. He called me and tried to talk through things, and we fell into the same pattern as above again. He “coached” me through my thought process on how we proceed if a traditional relationship wasn’t possible, and I landed on maybe that I just needed fill more of my free time so I was less anxious in between our texting sessions. But then something he had said in the conversation led me to wonder if he was still on dating apps. I asked him if he was, he refused to answer, so I responded saying that I was going to assume that meant he was then. Then he got super pissed off, started saying how much of an idiot I was and how emotionally manipulative I was and that he couldn’t do it anymore. I’m pretty stubborn so I tried to call him to see if we could talk/verify that we were actually over (we’ve fought so many times and made up, it’s hard to tell), and he ended up calling me a c*** several times, telling me how much of his time I’ve wasted, how investing in me was a mistake, and that I would never learn and never change. This was by far the most demeaning way anyone has addressed me, and though this incident was the worst, he definitely hasn’t hesitated in the past saying things like “women are children, women shouldn’t have the right to vote, women are selfish and always try to make themselves a victim” in response to his frustration with me. Though it would be easy enough for me to walk away just saying this guy was a jerk and that I really don’t want to be treated this way EVER by a partner, I still think there are some red pill concepts that resonated with me and that I’d like to start living by as I think about re-entering the dating world. I’m coming out of this with mixed feelings. I’m wondering if what I did was wrong and what I can learn from this experience. I don’t think things would have worked out for us anyways in the long run (we have some fundamentally different viewpoints on some really big topics), but I’m still feeling pretty upset that things ended this way. So part of my ask now is AITA, and what red pill concepts can I actually carry on without feeling like I was manipulated into thinking that I was wrong for pushing for a really important value of mine? Do I need to change my mindset of getting any commitment from men because I “bought into the feminist movement”? TL;DR: Feeling emotionally exhausted by guy I was dating while trying to digest red pill information. Am I expecting too much by wanting commitment and how do I move forward with red pill concepts without associating it with a bitter experience?",,9,poisonbearry,2023-05-07 05:12:22 RedPillWomen,139k4oo,How can modern dating change?,"We all know modern dating has downfalls at the moment. I wonder how it can be changed. Lonely men grow up watching naked girls all over their computers. Raise themselves having certain profane thoughts towards women. Some way and unconsciously, these boys’ upbringing affects their ego: self-esteem. Specially for not confident men. But it is impossible to change this. If only people develop the right attitude towards the opposite sex. I wonder what more. Knowing all along what they should have done. Knowing what they should do, since the start; but feeling like better late than sorry. Dating apps are, in fact, a shift in dating and society moral values; for example. Female hormonal birth control methods also have a big part to play in this scenario",,12,precisoresposta,2023-05-06 11:21:19 RedPillWomen,139jtch,Many RPM and some RPW content creators are against no-fault divorce. Do you agree with this?,"RPM and even some RPW have come out against no-fault divorce. However, I am curious, how would a situation like the one described in this article be addressed without no-fault divorce? [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/luke-ryan-hart-father-murder-mother-sister-spalding-a8928471.html](https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/luke-ryan-hart-father-murder-mother-sister-spalding-a8928471.html) It talks about a man who murdered his wife and daughter. His surviving sons say that their father was not physically abusive, but he was controlling and verbally abusive. I'm thinking that it would be near impossible to prove verbal abuse as a legitimate reason to get a divorce in case no-fault divorce is not allowed.",,11,Novel-Tip-7570,2023-05-06 11:05:58 RedPillWomen,13938ci,How to come to terms with male sexuality?,"Okay so my husband is neck deep in the rp space and has fully accepted the whole men who are high value will “exercise options” garbage. He only fully revealed his intentions to me after we were already married I really don’t want to be bitter or resentful towards him but I keep swinging between acceptance and resentment and disgust. I just hate the idea that he’s going to have sex with other women. Like I get angry at the thought of it. It feels so wrong. Why should another women be able to have sex with MY husband?? Btw I am not frigid at all- I would have sex with my husband whenever. But it’s not enough for him. Can someone help me not be angry at male sexuality and their desire for variety?? Also he told me the whole “men are only as faithful as their options” thing which basically means ultimately this is my BEST option 😅 Also…I’m pregnant which makes it more essential that I come to terms with it so as not to destroy my family 😅",,21,[deleted],2023-05-05 22:14:58 RedPillWomen,138w38n,Would it be appropriate to expect an engagement in this situation?,"My boyfriend and I were long distance for 6 months then moved in together. It was a whirlwind of change (and a little scary at first) but it’s worked out beautifully. We have now been living together for a year. I truly feel loved by him and am in love with him. We have talked about the future here and there and have recently decided that at the beginning of summer 2024 we would like to move to another part of the state to save money for a house and have more career opportunities. Here is the thing… he says things like “our kids” when talking about the future, calls me his wife when joking around, and wants us to buy a house together… but he has never explicitly said that he wants to marry me. Like I’ve said before I feel like we have a great relationship and it’s very evident from how he treats me that he loves me. The thing is, I have already moved to be with him and I feel like if we are planning to move again to save money for a house, we should be engaged. I will not be owning a home with someone who I am not married to or at least committed to marrying me. While all of his actions show me what he wants and are in line with what I want, I am confused as to why he hasn’t declared that plan and am wondering if what I want is appropriate for this situation.",,13,anon17126,2023-05-05 17:50:01 RedPillWomen,138ly4g,Understanding RPW,"I'm trying to understand the RPW. From reading through the posts and responses here, it is my understanding that a RPW seeks to be the submissive partner of an opposite sex relationship, and that she limits herself based on the assumption that the man fits the RPM doctrine. Some beliefs/limitations/guidelines I've come across are: * Let the man lead, in practically all aspects of the relationship and life * There exists natural divisions between the sexes and they should be exemplified and maintained * A RPW should dress and act for the role of RPW to ensure the attention of a RPM * Maintain a femmine attractiveness through dress and speech (to the limit to make oneself look quiet, or shy, or even lacking intelligence)",,2,Emerald_Pancakes,2023-05-05 13:36:00 RedPillWomen,1384l69,Healing,"How do you get a a place where you fully feel worthy, not crazy, not impossible, and lovable? It’s been a long time of being told all these negatives by my ex. I’m not sure why his opinion still has a little weight over all the people in my life who tell me the opposite. I don’t want to rely on anyone else to tell me or make me feel worthy and special. I want to fully feel that on my own. What are some things I can do to continue on my healing journey? My first step is limiting contact with the toxicity.",,8,thesurrenderedwife,2023-05-05 00:03:23 RedPillWomen,1370lbx,How would you introduce RP to your daughter? Do you wish you had known about RP at a younger age?,"I (37F) have a daughter (15) who wants to start 'dating'. I won't go into the rules I've established in my home around dating, because this isn't a question or forum on parenting. Rather, it's about when to begin talking to our daughters about RP and how to share the information in a way that helps them understand the way the world works, without scaring them or making them too vulnerable to people who may take advantage of young girls/women navigating themselves in relation to boys/men. I lead by example at home, but society and media is showing my daughter a different way. I'm in a LTR with man who embodies all of the masculine qualities. I regularly practice self-care and embrace my femininity and do 'girly' things with my daughter to encourage her to do the same and embrace her femininity. We have traditional roles at home and I've started asking my daughter to help with the nurturing tasks as a way to teach her homemaking skills. I've begun having informal chats about boys, asking open ended questions about what she is looking for, male behaviour in dating, societal pressures and expectations, listening to her thoughts while also gently guiding towards a more RP way of thinking about things and supporting her to develop boundaries. I'm seeking the wisdom of the RPW community, please! The question for everyone is when do you wish you had discovered RP, and, how would you introduce RP theory to a young person? Is there something in particular you wish you'd known before you started dating?",,29,StrengthMaleficent28,2023-05-03 21:46:00 RedPillWomen,137kksj,Would you marry a man who divorced 10 years ago because of infidelity?,"I (30F) have dated him (51M) for almost a year. He's divorced twice. A father of 3 children all from his first marriage that ended in 2012. His second marriage in 2014 lasted less than a year. 🚩 I work in an advertising agency and he's a client of mine. That's how we met. He's a politician from an islamic party and also a preacher. We are sexually active since very early on. Although he has distraught over this, it's probably an example of his lack of integrity as religious figure. 🚩 Due to these circumstances (his religious principals and his age), he's very eager to marry me in no time and he expects it to be by the end of this year. I have met his children few weeks ago. He introduced me as his bride-to-be. While they were very welcoming, it kinda bothers me that he arranged a surprise meeting because he said i keep spinning out time. Due to his past problematic marriage, he offered me a prenup and he did declare his assets (yeah i understand the whole thing about circumventing a prenup). The clauses are very disadvantaging for him if it ended up with a divorce. Tldr; Cons: Ex cheater, divorced twice, lack of integrity as a religious figure Pros: Took care of the children, admitted his fault, offered a prenup as a safety net.",,2,gina_chua,2023-05-04 13:23:52 RedPillWomen,1367vbw,Do RPW initiate intimacy? Or leave it to their partner,"I’m married to a man with low libido. I am 31F and he is 38M. We have always argued about this topic and I’ve completely stopped giving it attention. I was reading in the sidebar (can’t remember which chapter it was), but it was saying how when women nag for sex it becomes another chore on their list they have to do. But does that include initiating too? For instance even though my husband is low libido, I still want to show him that I want him and desire him sexually. Though he won’t reciprocate, I’m just not sure if I should or leave it up to him. I don’t want to be so forward or take on the masculine role in the relationship. Thoughts?",,25,Ineedbabies123,2023-05-03 02:27:15 RedPillWomen,136axj9,How to handle/communicate small issues that upset you to your partner in a feminine way?,"Hi ladies, I’m wondering if anyone might be able to give me some advice on how you go about communicate issues to your partner in a feminine way. In the past, I had a tendency to react in an overly emotional or sometimes callous way when dealing with minor issues and I’m wondering how I can improve my approach. The main thing that confuses me is how much should I “let go” of small issues that aren’t really a big deal but still hurt my feelings. I’ll give an example for context: today I was on my period and feeling pretty under the weather and my partner knew I wasn’t feeling well but when he called me that evening didn’t ask how I was feeling at all which hurt my feelings a bit but I know it’s a super minor issue given that he’s overall a great partner. In these situations, would you bring it up at all and if so how would you go about it? Thankyouuu xoxo",,11,tam1499,2023-05-03 05:02:33 RedPillWomen,134uaip,how to embrace aging and age with grace?,I initially wanted to ask for any tips on anti-aging for women & how to look your best as you age but I think it would also be helpful to know how can you age peacefully and with grace. I’ve noticed a lot of women have trouble with feeling as they age their value goes down. How have you reframed the way you think about getting older? Any tips on looking your best and feeling your best are welcome too.,,44,Miserable-Read7597,2023-05-01 17:24:59 RedPillWomen,134ruw0,How to feel and look less like a child and more like a women ?," I'm 21 almost 22 years old and I still feel like a child, I still feel that older men and sometimes even men my age look at me like a child. I'm on the shorter side and still hold some baby fat in my face and it has a roundish shape. I always hear how having a youthful look is attractive but I feel like I'm just cute and not beautiful, or at least that's how people around me see me. Even my friends joke about how they can't even curse around me and when I curse they tell me it sounds funny, just like a child cursing . I want to feel and look a little more mature and use my features to my advantage because now I feel like they're not serving me in any way",,12,No_Sense4645,2023-05-01 16:45:51 RedPillWomen,135b126,How to tell if you like somebody enough?,"Hi all! Back for advice! I’ve been dating this guy (from last post) for about five weeks now. He’s kind, charming, thoughtful, handsome, has a good career path, always plans and pays for dates, has compatible beliefs, and is generally everything I could hope for. The thing is, I keep overthinking my feelings for him. I like him and I enjoy spending time with him, and he’s very clear that he likes me. But I worry a lot about not liking him enough. For example, earlier we were cuddling and I was content because I enjoy cuddling, but I also didn’t particularly feel anything other than that. We aren’t officially dating because I’m waiting for him to guarantee he’ll have a job in our city, because I don’t want to do long distance. I don’t have any strong feelings about being his girlfriend, I’m fine just dating exclusively. We’re about to go long distance for the summer (three months), which is unavoidable but obviously not ideal. He’s a wonderful guy and he really deserves somebody who adores him, and I worry that that’s not me. However, my last relationship (several months ago) was very complicated and distant, I perpetually had one foot out the door because of some significant relationship issues. Maybe I’m still struggling with committing because of that? I’m not sure. Should I continue dating? Is it just too early to tell yet? How long did it take for you guys know you were really interested in a guy?",,0,Valuable_Place1265,2023-05-02 04:20:56 RedPillWomen,133za9h,The ABCs of Female Friendship,"We've all heard something, I'm sure, about being judged by the company we keep. What does that mean to a red pill woman? We know that taking the red pill means getting and staying realistic about the way men and women interact, but there's something to be said about the interactions between women. So what traits have I found in women worth knowing and befriending? **Ability to vet**: Look for women who can effectively work out what it is they want or need in a man without jumping onto the cock carousel in an effort to find out. **Avoid** the ones who try to pull you onto the carousel behind them. I knew a woman who, out of trauma, had accumulated a high n-count. We were quite close friends, and we often talked about our relationships. I thought she was a good person to get advice from -- until I realized that she had settled for a pornsick, manipulative, childish man simply because he treated her marginally better than the others had. He was also, incidentally, not very loyal to her; he made his interest in her female friends a little too clear through the topics he would bring up with us in conversation. So she couldn't vet for beans, and that's what she ended up with. Do not make friends with women whose judgment tells them this is the best possible outcome. **Believes men are good**: A woman worth knowing is a woman who also believes men are worth knowing -- and by that I mean most men, men as a gender, men on the whole. Not some men, not woke men, not trad men, just... men. They aren't women and that's fine! **Avoid** a woman who thinks men are objectionable by and large. If she views men as the enemy, she's only going to pass her skepticism about them along to you. Even if she says she's not a feminist, she may have too much unhealed trauma to be a good judge of men. Women like this who are in therapy for their unhealed trauma may make good mentees, but they'll never be able to mentor you if that's something you value in a friendship. Be careful if the two of you are on the same path out of hating men; be sure only to bolster each other's growth toward liking them, not get into the spiral of putting them down. **Can accept a wide variety of worldviews**: Her mind doesn't have to be so open that her brain falls out, but you should feel safe being either trad or liberal around her. Mutual acceptance, not judgment, is the goal. Only in a mutually accepting relationship will you find good advice based in reality. Ideology needs to take a backseat: she needs to live with your truths while resting securely in her own. Consider yourself blessed if your truths align with hers! **Avoid** the woman who thinks she's right and you're wrong, and will denigrate you for being wrong, or worse: try and cancel you to all your friends. The bad vetter I used to be friends with? She was insecure enough in her truths that all her friends had to believe them, too, or else they couldn't exist in her sphere. I stopped being ""nice"" and then she tried to convince the people I considered my siblings that I had to be saved from myself. (My chosen family cut her off immediately.) Don't let yourself in for this kind of hell. *What do you do when you realize you're in a relationship with ""Avoid""?* It depends on the impact ""Avoid"" is having on your life. * Women who are feminists before they are women are, I'm afraid, rather a lost cause. If her ideology comes before your friendship, you can ditch her with no remorse. She doesn't need you, she needs an American Girl doll or a mirror to chat with. She will never accept being challenged, which to me is one of the best parts of friendships. She will act like she's challenging you, but she's really bullying you into becoming a copy of her. * Women who don't understand why you like men as much as you do won't be safe to introduce to your boyfriend until your boyfriend knows he means more to you than these women do. As well he should. Introduce him before he's secure in his place in your life and he'll wonder if you share those misandrist ideas. * Women on the carousel will think you're crazy. If she's open-minded enough to accept you not being on it, great, although I wouldn't take her relationship advice. If she wants a bestie to have wild adventures with, you may have to distance yourself. Also, what will a good man think of you if you're the only person in your friend group not in your hoe phase? Are you really a good girl, or are you putting on a convincing act? And a word about age: don't dismiss anyone just because they're too old or too young. My two best friends are my mother and a very young woman I met through a hobby we share. Not coincidentally, they are based as hell, and they meet all of the criteria I set out for my friendships (that's right: I practice what I preach!). Both of them have taught me so much -- and I like to think I've taught them a few things in return. We make each other better. That is the ultimate qualifier. **Being friends, real friends, means you lift each other up instead of pulling each other down.** If you don't have a mother, or you and your mother don't see eye-to-eye, look for older, married women who have raised daughters. If you're a little out of touch with Gen Z, I see plenty of them hanging around here. Or, heck, those older married women's daughters might be looking for like-minded pals. Never underestimate what you could offer as an ""auntie"" or a Cool Big Sis. Someone needs to be a good influence on the next generation of red pill women! Why not you? Good luck out there! Have fun! There is feminine sisterhood outside of feminism, and you can and will find it if you look with the right eyes.",,32,diaryofalostgirl,2023-04-30 18:30:11 RedPillWomen,133q1ac,What do you consider the most important things you've learned since RPW? What were the first steps you took to grow as a woman?,"Hi everyone! I really, really appreciate all the advice and discussions I've seen and participated in here. It has already helped me see things in a different light - looking at self-work as something I *get* to do in order to become a good future wife, rather than something I had to do. It also made me look at habits and behaviors that weren't feminine and/or healthy. I'd love to know what were the first things you worked on when you learned about RPW. What areas needed the most work? How did you work on them? How has it changed you, as a wife/girlfriend/woman? What changes do you feel made the most impact on who you are as a person? For the RP men, I'd love to hear what you feel women are lacking in nowadays or aren't working on. Some outside perspective could be helpful. I personally noticed I wasn't vetting correctly - which I'm working to fix and have taken the advice I got here into consideration -, and that as a person, in my past relationship and while dating, I dumped a lot of things on the person I was talking to - my stress, issues, little day to say issues that I could definitely handle by myself. I'm actively working on becoming a soft spot for my future husband to land on, and becoming feminine, cheerful and easy to be around.",,32,templilwitch,2023-04-30 13:17:54 RedPillWomen,133fa7c,Boyfriend treatment vs husband treatment? Do you draw a line somewhere?,"I hate the thought of putting a restriction/limit on love but is there a line that should be placed? I don’t like thinking “oh I won’t be THIS caring cause we aren’t married yet” because it feels restrictive, not kind etc. I am naturally a very nurturing and caring person overall so it’s hard for me to balance this out. I am also afraid being taken for granted or being the one who puts in 80% of the effort because I’m naturally very caring but receiving 20%. Sometimes I feel like no one will be able to match the care I put into them and it makes me kinda sad. Maybe im overthinking this but I would appreciate any insight anyone could offer.",,21,pinkparadigm,2023-04-30 04:02:10 RedPillWomen,133pdud,when do u consider yourself left on seen,and is seen a big deal to you,,0,cekaosam,2023-04-30 13:07:20 RedPillWomen,1336wed,How long did you and your husband wait before you were engaged?,Questions pretty straight forward,,11,Original-Pineapple58,2023-04-29 21:13:47 RedPillWomen,132qoc9,I want to be a stay at home mum and have kids,"I'm not sure this is the right subreddit to post this and it's probably going to catch some people off guard due to my age but I need some genuine advice because I've been unhappy for quite some time. I'm a 22F and I'm currently studying at university. I don't exactly know how and when this started but I've been unhappy for quite some time about what I'm doing with my life, as if it's not my vocation and what I should be doing. What I want to do instead is be a wife and a mum but that's not an option because where I live people my age don't get married until they turn 35 or they don't get married at all + my parents wouldn't support my decision. I don't know if I'm being unreasonable and irrational about this, maybe I'm not mature enough to grasp the concept of being married and having kids but somehow it's something that I've wanted for a long time and the fact that I can't achieve it for the time being makes me kind of depressed. I need some genuine advice on how to deal with life knowing that for now that's just not something I can do and that I at least need to tolerate studying and pursuing something.",,37,[deleted],2023-04-29 11:39:08 RedPillWomen,1339evg,How can I prepare for marriage?,"Hi, I’m leaving a LTR and my desire is to get married. I’m planning on healing & taking care of myself but for the people who broke up & then wanted to get married how did you prepare yourself for it? How did you heal? Please I want to hear everything :)",,4,Original-Pineapple58,2023-04-29 23:04:11 RedPillWomen,132hyno,Dating tips for female medical students and doctors,"Seems there’s a few of us here! I’m certainly no expert but I’m a physician and married to my husband for 6 years (together for 8) and I wish I had some of this advice when younger. I am mid thirties and have been a doctor for 8 years. (Some of this advice likely applies to other professional women who want to balance a professional life with family life). Strategy: -You’re time poor and probably perpetually stressed, this works against you in the dating market. People obviously want a partner who is available to them and mostly pleasant. Try manage this as much as possible as a matter of priority. Have an organised schedule and see a psychologist if needed to manage your stress. -Make time to exercise. You will feel better and look better. -Eat healthily. I know it’s hard but meal prep healthy meals otherwise you just end up eating crap from the vending machines at the hospital. -Maximise your appearance. You’re competing with women who have a lot more time than you to go to the gym and get facials etc etc. Invest in things that “last”, for example teeth whitening, laser facials, Botox, eyebrow laminating. Look your best so that even if you’re not in makeup you look presentable. -Don’t talk about your work or study all the time. You might find it the most fascinating thing ever but save it for your colleagues. -Have a life outside of medicine. Easier said than done, but even going for a hike every now and then keeps you grounded and more interesting a person. Find some other hobbies or interests, if your whole life is medicine, then you alienate all men who aren’t doctors. -Be mindful to not be an arrogant douche. Communication in hospitals can be blunt and rude at times, do not let this seep into your personal life. -You see some really sad and serious things in medicine. Be prepared for this, debrief as needed. Accept that you will lose some of your childlike “innocence” and that your new path will be one of feminine emotional maturity. Ideal men: -Self assured and comfortable guys. They’re comfortable within their area of expertise, whatever that may be. Keep an open mind re this. -Similar education level to you but this is def not necessary. I have doctor friends who have married builders etc and they are very happy. Personally, I married an attorney. -Ideally someone who earns similar to you or more. I realise this is an old fashioned view but I do think it make the dynamic easier. Men to avoid: -Men who seem intimidated or insecure about the whole doctor thing. Don’t fight it, don’t question yourself, just justify or try change their mind. Their attitude usually comes out in weird little comments. -Conversely, men who seem a little too attracted to the whole medical thing. They’re probably after your money or they are raging narcissists who want the associated “status” of a doctor wife. -Men who don’t respect or even like what you do, ie. they never ask about your work or find your work stories gross. -Men (usually in the sciences) who tried to get into med school but failed. Recipe for disaster. Trust me. -Men who seem okay with it but complain bitterly about your hours. Orange flag. This depends on what your future hours are likely to be like and whether they can hang on during your University and residency years. I currently work part time and my hubby prefers this much more as do I. -Some men strangely seem extremely bothered by the whole thing and claim that they don’t like female doctors, and they even claim to have dated or apparently knew some back in the day. Some men love to claim they “chose” to not pursue certain women for example “I dated some models and they were all crazy haha” the point of the story being they want to demonstrate they’re high enough value to attract them but chose not to continue with such situations like it’s some kind of weird flex. Stories probably aren’t even true and even if they are, they’re not in your potential dating pool. A man wouldn’t tolerate a woman bad mouthing his job or his “type” and neither should you. Politely disengage and leave the conversation. Avoid. How to meet men: -Apps, I’ve never been on them as I’ve been with my partner for ages but I feel they are the mainstay of dating now. So I can’t really comment on it but just be careful and I get the impression you need to vet very carefully. There’s probably other posts with better advice on here about it. -Through friends. My hubby worked with my friend and she introduced us! If you’re actively looking then don’t be shy to put that out there with friends and family you trust. If they’re vetted by them then they have to be at least half decent right? -At work. Fellow doctors, physios etc are always an option. Keep in mind that male physicians are highly valued in the dating market and will have women throwing themselves at them. You have to see it to believe it. You can’t get mad about it, it’s just how life works. You will need to bring your A game. -At University/Med school. Now this is a good option, just make sure you have proper commitment before he becomes a graduated doctor. It’s kind of a joke within the profession how men have a “med school girlfriend” then break up as soon as they’re a doctor and have women all over them. Their options have immediately expanded whereas yours haven’t. Common pitfalls: -Thinking “I will date after med school!” then “I will date after residency” then “I will date after fellowship”. No. Start dating now, make time for it. Put it into your schedule. -Thinking you will just date doctors once you graduate and start working. Unless you’re very very attractive, the odds are stacked against you. Most of the male doctors are firmly taken although there are some workaholics floating around who just haven’t prioritised dating. There’s def older doctors as an option (likely divorced with kids). -Neglecting your physical and mental health due to studies or work. -Losing your femininity. Keep mindful of this. -Us female doctors I find often have too much empathy and this leads to taking on broken men that we shouldn’t. I’ve seen some horrendous choices made by my friends who are otherwise very clever and sensible women. This of course isn’t unique to us but it seems quite bad from what I’ve seen. Miscellaneous tips: -Meal prep or buy a meal box plan to save time but still eat healthily -Invest in workout stuff you can use at home, eg a treadmill and yoga mat etc -Make time for your friends and family as much as you can, even if it’s just face time calls etc -Night shift is the actual worst. Not sure what to suggest but be prepared -Consider freezing your eggs Happy to be PM by any female medical students or doctors, seems there’s a few of us here xo",,70,aussiedollface2,2023-04-29 03:23:02 RedPillWomen,1333vhe,Hair Care Advice?,Hey! I have some questions about hair. I am in recovery from a fatal illness and it caused my hair to thin out so much. It looks so unhealthy and it’s just very thin. It’s long but really doesn’t look good. My husband wants me to keep it long but it makes it look even worse. What can I do to get it healthy and thicker?,,2,50stradwife,2023-04-29 19:03:26 RedPillWomen,131nr4z,How do I tell him so that he really hears?,"My husband of 7 years is a wonderful man. A good provider. Trustworthy. Reliable. However, over the last few years the way he speaks to me is really starting to hurt. When we first started dating he was so kind and patient. Lately, as in since havung kids, it's like he's lost his filter. He is short snappy, and often appears annoyed. I've tried many many times to explain that I would prefer a nicer tone. Or maybe a good morning instead of ""what's for breakfast"". I want to underscore that he isn't outwardly mean but he also just isn't nice. If that makes sense. He isn't very receptive when I express that my feelings are hurt. He will either ask if I'm on my period or tell me I'm annoying him by my complaining. I know I can be sensitive and I am doing the self work to change the narratives i have in my mind but I also feel like instead of seeing my sensitivity has something I need to eradicate, he should me attempting to meet me in the middle. He knows my love language is words of affirmation but I feel like he isn't putting the effort into choosing words/tone that make me feel cherished. Am I just being too much?",,24,Lopsided_Studio_7922,2023-04-28 10:26:22 RedPillWomen,131evk1,What does “being treated well” mean for you?,"I (19F) have never really gotten into dating. I’ve been so busy with college and having two jobs and what not. To be honest, I feel lonely. I thought friends could fix that but I don’t have a level of intimacy with them that could make me not feel lonely. I want to start dating. I’ve heard so many mixed comments about how a man should treat a woman, from mysoginistic thoughts to ideas such as women should never work because they deserve everything. Honestly im very confused of what I should want from a man. I want to date, but I dont want to put myself in reckless relationships. Any ideas and thoughts would be appreciated, thank you!",,10,Key-Personality6799,2023-04-28 02:19:13 RedPillWomen,13148hi,What are red flags in a man?,"I recently made a post in here on how I’m leaving my longterm relationship. As many of you know this is a hard decision to come by. My ex, overall, was good. I just struggled when we’d argue he would say mean things like “you’d make a mid mother and you won’t be a good wife.” He knows how I dream about being a mom & wife one day. He also says things like “maybe we’re breaking up because you have such a low iq.” I think I must be stupid because I consider staying when things seem “okay”. But deep down Im scared to have children with a man like that. I don’t want them to be dysfunctional or see a dysfunctional dynamic between him & I. I wish someone can tell me it will be okay. Im scared I won’t find love again. Im scared I’ll be stuck. He says I have nothing to bring to the table since I was raised in a dysfunctional household & struggle with cooking, although I can clean. Im so afraid. Afraid of being alone & afraid Im the problem & can’t find a good man. Please, what are red flags? What should I be aware of?",,26,Original-Pineapple58,2023-04-27 19:52:34 RedPillWomen,1315uxs,"I've(22f) been dating my new boyfriend(26m) for nearly 2 months, I'm not sure whether to continue or not, am I being superficial, feeling confused","Hi TRPW. I met a guy on a dating app. We've been dating for nearly 2 months now. He's a great guy, he has a lovely smile. We have a lot of laughs together and get on well. We see eachother several times a week. He's met my mom and she likes him too. The thing is, I'm not sure if I want this for 100%. I know he's into me alot. He buys me flowers , told his family about me(they live abroad), he even has a family group chat where he sends them pictures of us. I know that this may sound really bad, but I just have to get this off my chest because I haven't told anyone. He's not that tall. I'm 5'3, and he's 5'8, so he's taller than me, but sometimes I really wish he was a little taller. I really like tall men. Another thing is that I wish he had bigger arms. He goes to the gym and his arms are pretty manly but I really would like them to be abit bigger. Ughh it has really made me cringe saying all that, hope it doesn't seem silly but this is really what I am thinking. As well as that, sometimes I find myself looking into the past and wishing I would have dated this guy or that guy that I met at university clubs etc. I remember them and feel like I wish I could have gone out with that guy. Then I feel bad that I thought about that because it's just not nice when I'm with someone else. I do definitely like this guy I'm dating, but I don't 100% have both feet in at the moment. I'm not sure whether I am being superficial and just allowing myself to focus on things which I shouldn't and instead should be grateful. I just had to get what I'm feeling off my chest as I didn't tell anyone this and I feel pretty stressed about it. Any words of wisdom or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you",,4,Red_rose49,2023-04-27 20:36:56 RedPillWomen,1317j35,Is 23 too old? Was I supposed to start earlier?,"Hello ladies. This is obviously a silly and kinda dumb question, but I just can't get it out of my mind. Warning, this may be a bit of a rant. I am 23, almost 24, never dated and never kissed. I feel like I'm too late to the game at this point. I've been working on myself and trying to improve, but then I think about how old I'll be when I'm finally ready to enter the dating scene and I wonder, is it worth it? Ever since I was a teenager, my family & friends would poke fun at me and say that I'll end up an old cat lady and sometimes I wonder if they're right. I've always wanted to get married and have kids, but I just can't envision myself in that role like I used to because I wonder if I'm capable. This probably sounds like me just shouting my worries into the ether, but I guess I'm posting this to see if anyone else has felt this way and what you did/are doing about it. Have a good one y'all",,4,lady_marm,2023-04-27 21:20:58 RedPillWomen,12zypak,Vetting: Holding and Moving Boundaries to Find the Right Man for You,"It seems many women struggle to understand the value of vetting and boundaries. To me they go hand in hand. The vetting process is really just a way to see how a man handles your boundaries. Your list of boundaries might include (and these are popular ones, not my personal boundaries).... I will only be in relationships where marriage is the goal. I will only be in relationships with men who want children. I will only be in relationships with men who will let me stay home and raise a family. I will only be in relationships with men who have college degrees. And so on and so on. These are only examples. You might have a million more to the list. I don't know your life and goals. It's just important to understand, Your values are your boundaries, more or less. I mean maybe you only date men who drink bourbon. You do you, boo boo. Vetting is trying to find the man that meets all those standards and boundaries. Or as many of them as possible. But let's say.... Based on my very short list above. You met a man, he's great. He checks all the boxes except he doesn't want children. Here is where it gets tricky. Some women stay with a man hoping he'll change his mind. The woman never bring it up. Or if they do.... it's somewhat manipulative or passive aggressive. And it probably is a point of contention in their relationship. So then she comes over here and cries ""He won't agree to children. Or he says maybe after he gets promoted."" Lady, he told you he didn't want kids. That's on you. So the correct way to handle this is to ponder. Is this your deal breaker? If you want kids.... Tell him you really want to be a mother. And that you really want a partner who also wants to be a father how do you feel about that? He could move his boundary for you .or he could say, I don't want kids. If that's your dealbreaker. Walk away. Nothing wrong with him. Nothing wrong with you. You simply are not a match. Live and learn as you beging dating the next guy. Alternatively, maybe you really love this man and you aren't ready to walk away... You tell him I accept that answer, but I want to think about it. So then you get to decide.... Is he worth moving my boundary on children for? Maybe a lifetime with a partner who you enjoy life with is worth more than being a mom. There is a lot of value in finding a forever partner. So then you decide.... I could live without children. I'll just be a bad ass aunt for our nieces and nephews (anyone with a valuable aunt will agree). So.... You move your boundary and stay in the relationship. But once you do.... Know that you have to be okay if he never ever changes his mind. Not saying it wouldn't be something you Mourned, but You cannot hold it against him. you had the opportunity to call it quits and you chose to stay. I used kids as the example, because I know that is a common boundary in RPW. But it could be anything. Maybe you want a Christian. Or someone who exercises. Or someone who loves old Daffy Duck cartoons. And he may have boundaries of his own. Maybe he only wants a woman who works. He doesn't care what the job or income, as long as she works. So... Again. Is that a boundary you are willing to move for him? My LTR has pretty strong feelings about long hair. What you want to avoid is.... Not communicating your boundaries, values, and standards and then getting mad when a man doesn't respect them. I think they call them covert contracts in RP. I find that women who are desperate to get in a relationship tend to overlook the clash in values with their partner. They keep hoping the man will change his mind or the women mold their boundaries to the man at the expense of their true feelings. That will only bring problems to you later. I probably should have used the marriage as the example because so many women seem to be trying to convince men to marry them. But feel free to ask anything else below. The big take away.....quit trying to change men. Accept what they tell you and decide if you would be happy changing for him.",,38,pieorstrudel5,2023-04-26 20:27:48 RedPillWomen,13045z2,Struggling and I see it's weighing on my boyfriend,"Hello! I (F26) have been with my boyfriend (M25) for 2 years now. Things have been really good. Like marriage and children in our future good. There's something that I do that I see is starting to annoy him, though. I'll say something not realizing it's something he sees as a problem to solve. He starts talking with a solution to my unpercieved problem. I cut him off and started saying why his solution won't work. This happens in the span of a minute or two. I see his face every time I do it, and I cringe. I've read the books. I know I should let him finish his thoughts. I know I should accept his help and communicate my needs. *So why do I keep doing this?* Please, ladies, help me out. How do you keep from discrediting your captain? I fear ever doing this in a public setting. Or worse that I've already done it and haven't noticed. Thank you in advance.",,15,AmilliBee,2023-04-27 00:10:48 RedPillWomen,12zeqow,Red Flag: a man who doesn’t take of his poor mental health and uses it as an excuse for poor behaviour,"If you’re in the market for a partner, please look out for someone who is taking care of himself, including his health. This is something basic that responsible adults do. It’s made me really uneasy when I see an uptick in posters seeking advice about men they’re interested in who use their mental health struggles as an excuse for poor behaviour - where they have the means to access healthcare. I am talking from a place of having experienced mental health issues myself. I will add my experiences at the end of the post because I don’t think it’s strictly relevant but it does provide context for anyone interested. To me, failing to prioritise physical and mental health is a red flag. It shows a lack of concern for your well-being and a disregard for the impact of your actions on those around you. It raises questions about your commitment to personal growth and self-improvement. This is especially so when mental health is used as an excuse to justify poor behaviour. It is not your job to fix someone who refuses to do simple things like seek treatment for his condition, which will only worsen over time if left unchecked. You are not their mother. Even if you were, these men are adults, not children. If he can’t take care of himself, how can he take care of you at the level you take care of him? More so, how do you expect him to help raise your future children? I appreciate some people don’t have access to healthcare. I’m not talking about them in the same way - but I will seriously advise that you consider that mental health issues worsen if left unchecked. Ask yourself whether that person will ever have the means to have access to healthcare and, if not, why you want to tie yourself to them. Also, ask yourself if that person _really_ doesn’t have access to healthcare and whether that would change if they changed their spending habits and prioritised their health. A man who doesn’t take care of his mental health doesn’t prioritise his well-being. If you are at the beginning stages of a relationship and learn this, consider it a red flag because you don’t want someone who doesn’t prioritise living a healthy and fulfilling life with you. If you’re already in a LTR with someone amazing who develops mental health issues, stand by them as they’ve shown you in the past they stand by you. If you’re at the start of this process, seriously consider whether you want to go further - this person doesn’t have a proven track record of showing up for you and you have no way of knowing if they ever will. This is especially, especially where they use their mental health as an excuse for their behaviour - without ever telling you how they plan to make things better and then actually actioning those plans. My experiences fyi: - I’m ADHD. I’m lucky in that I was diagnosed young and I don’t generally need medication to have success in my personal relationships and my professional career. That doesn’t mean I leave my ADHD unchecked. I recognise when I have flare ups, take medication when I need it (one day every two or so months), and make sure that I communicate with my husband and boss about these struggles. I also communicate to them what I’m doing to address the issue and then I take the steps to make sure my ADHD has minimal impact on those around me. - A few years ago, I experienced significant difficulty with work (hospitalised) and resigned during the pandemic. I had just started dating my husband (but we moved to marriage pretty fast) and we were moving to a new city, where I had no job. I was really anxious, not my best self, crying a lot - I went straight to therapy. I was diagnosed with anxiety and prescribed a 6-month course of meds but I kicked the anxiety in under 2 months (and stopped meds) with a concerted effort, including having my husband help me out with job searching because I felt so overwhelmed (I got one within a couple of weeks of searching). It is entirely possible to take care of your mental health. You don’t have to settle for someone who doesn’t. Edit: so many typos. Can’t believe I’ve got a typo in the title!",,71,jenna_grows,2023-04-26 11:35:31 RedPillWomen,12yxn4b,Food for thought – reframe on accepting being provided for,"Hello! I had a realization that I thought might be helpful for other girls who are struggling with letting a guy pay for them or do things for them. I was thinking a lot about my current guy, who thus far has been trying very hard to care for me (paying for our dates, carrying my groceries, helping when I feel uncomfortable). Coming from a feminist background, that’s been challenging for me at times, because I feel as though I should be proving that I hold my own. However, I find reframing it helps me. If I baked him a treat, how would I feel if he responded with, “Oh. I mean, I can bake things myself. But thanks, I guess.” I would be hurt by that! I don’t bake him things because I think he’s incapable, I do it because I want to make him happy. If he showed distaste for my efforts towards him, I would feel upset and rejected. And if he insisted on baking something deliberately to one-up me or ‘balance the field’, I would probably be a little weirded out by that. When I reject or try to match his attempts to care for me, I’m doing that to him. I don’t need to show care the way a man does, in order to show that I like him. Hopefully this is helpful to somebody, if not I’m just grateful for the chance to share! Thank you all for your time!",,58,Valuable_Place1265,2023-04-25 22:03:49 RedPillWomen,12zmkgy,I am in love? I am confused.,"I pray for clarity. My long time boyfriend/fiancé/ future husband just left for the Air Force . And I thought I would be a mess… but I am okay? I cried and cried when he was leaving holding on to him and leading up to that I would get teary eyed but I am.. fine. I expected to be a reck and sobbing everyday but I sort of feel indifferent. Not about him I love him but it’s more just him being gone. I went wedding dress shopping and I wanted to cry when I found the one. I was really happy and felt pretty but… I didn’t cry. I felt so happy but also … eh. I don’t feel human and I’m scared. Is this a normal feeling? I think I am emotionally repressed because growing up I was labeled as over dramatic and just too much and so I think I have trouble fully feeling things. I don’t know. I know I love him so much more than anything really. With him I see stars and feel every emotion to the full extent ( I assume) Maybe it’s because he is my safe person and I don’t feel like anyone else can handle my emotions? I don’t want to be a burden. I don’t have many friends and I don’t open up to them on a super deep level. I’m scared if I asked in a more liberal form I would be swarmed with diagnosis and other things.",,1,EquivalentHuman7658,2023-04-26 15:53:04 RedPillWomen,12zdu2x,What does it mean if a guy asks you to meet right now ? Specially after they texted after no contact,"Stopped talking to this guy as I felt like I might be a plate. He texts me hey and stuff like that. And then he asks me to meet me right now. like didn't even ask how are you and stuff. What does that mean? Is he insane. Been on 2 dates",,2,GreenProfessional515,2023-04-26 10:54:59 RedPillWomen,12y5hoa,Thought experiment about arranged marriages,"Sometimes I wonder if the paradigm of choosing your own mate is really the best choice for long term happiness. I've dated a lot of men in my life. I've been married and divorced. Now I'm in my 40s and I've basically been disillusioned of all the romantic pretensions I had about true love when I was younger. That is absolutely not to say love is not real or worthwhile. But real love is not the romantic feeling you get for a person of the opposite sex. It is more of a familial feeling - that you would do anything for another person because they are an extension of you, or part of your family. We dont choose our families, and yet we love them. Yet, in modern america, we choose our romantic partners. And we divorce them at much higher rates than we estrange family members. Perhaps we can love romantic partners we did not choose, as we love family members we did not choose. This led me to think: I have dated many men in my life on the premise that I was the best person to choose who is right for me. This has led to a 100% long term failure rate. I wonder, would it be better if a third party, someone with my best interest in mind, chose my partner? Maybe we ourselves cannot be objective enough to choose our own best match? The biggest argument against this is the sexual attraction component. Someone can be perfect for you on paper and there is just no chemistry. Anyway, curious for thoughts.",,48,[deleted],2023-04-25 02:35:46 RedPillWomen,12xifsi,"What does ""tending"" look like for you?","Recently I was listening to a talk from Alison Armstrong, and she said that men protect and provide, while women tend. I'm curious about how ""tending"" looks in your lives. Edit: it would be particularly helpful to hear from women who work full time, as I'm the principal earner of the family.",,22,V3r1disqu0,2023-04-24 14:47:58 RedPillWomen,12xl92q,Paying on dates,"Hello everybody! I'm back with a briefer question this time. How should I handle paying on dates? The guy I'm dating pays for absolutely everything; he gets the bill when we go out to eat, he bought the ingredients when we baked cookies and then gave me all the leftover groceries, he gets me snacks, etc. I absolutely love it, but I was raised with a more ""equal paying"" mindset, and I worry about making him feel like I just want him to buy me things. Family and friends encourage me to pay for stuff as well. I insisted on me paying for the ice cream we got on our date yesterday (he got our dinner), but now I'm second-guessing that, because I was searching this topic on RPW and found posts about how guys can see that as competing or whatnot. For context, we are both college students without jobs, although he had a well-paying internship the summer prior, and we've been dating for a bit over a month now. Should I insist on paying? Should I not? He told me that he wants to spoil me, but I worry about making him feel used!",,11,Valuable_Place1265,2023-04-24 15:28:23 RedPillWomen,12xg8xt,When the going gets rough…what do we do?,"Hi ladies, I need some real feedback. I’m at a point in my life where I’m not sure if I should continue my relationship. When I look back on it I feel like there is a lot of trauma and anxiety. I also fear the kinda of husband my boyfriend will be. We’ve been together for 4 years and tbh we always say we’ll get married but I really don’t see it happening. We’re 23 & 26(m). I love my boyfriend because of his characteristics. He’s strong, confident, I can’t confide in him. He holds me responsible. But unfortunately I also feel very let down by him. Before dating him I was figuring out my values as a person and once we started dating it felt like he found them to be “cringe” and devalued me as a person. Things like self-improvement, boundaries, etc. I’m afraid of I won’t find a man like him again, but when I think about it I never felt fully accepted by him. Anyone been in this situation?",,3,Original-Pineapple58,2023-04-24 13:42:33 RedPillWomen,12ww37t,Am I ignoring red flags?,"Just started dating a RPM. He's very sweet, caring, great job, provider mindset, fun to be around, etc. In addition, he's incredibly ambitious, health conscious, etc. The only thing is, throughout our courting phase, he's said some things that I believe to be red flags. For example, he's said: 1.) That men are biologically wired to cheat, and that women are not, thus he understands why men cheat 2.) That if a man is a total provider, most women probably won't care or be hurt if he cheats (to which I responded that women have feelings and absolutely do care about cheating as much as men do). 3.) That he expects his woman to ""do as I say,' which he clarified as meaning ""that a couple should consult one another on major decisions, as partners, but as the man, he makes the final decision"" (I hated the initial wording he chose) 4.) That a woman's peak of attractiveness is 24-26, in his opinion 6.) That he feels that men can train women, but women cannot train men. 7.) He doesn't believe in apologizing unless he's truly sorry or sees that he's wrong about something (which I find strange as many times, apologies are warranted when you've simply offended or hurt someone) 8.) He uses the words ""pussy,"" ""beta male,"" and ""weak"" a lot to describe men he feels are not ultimately masculine enough. He also considers himself to be an ""alpha male"" 9.) He calls gay men ""cups"" (as in fruit cups) 10.) He's super into conspiracies &#x200B; Again, he's a nice guy, super sweet and fun, and I'm attracted to his masculine qualities, but are these normal things for a man to say to a woman?",,16,bestbab99,2023-04-24 00:20:56 RedPillWomen,12w5ywb,What to do when you feel irritated with partner?,"Hello I keep finding myself feeling irritated with bf. We don't live together. I think this is also probably I need to focus on my own self care as well. So basically what happens is like this. He does his own thing and then is what seems like whining to me about feeling tired after. So this weekend he was in another city with his friend to see a band he loves. Great. Since he's come back I've had lots of whining about how tired he is , bad stomach etc, tired. I'm not sure how to respond to this? Do I ask him if there's something he needs he feels he's not getting I've tried the oh why don't you go nap, you must need to rest. He's good at this anyway so he will just go nap anyway if he needs. I'm not sure if he needs sympathy or what he needs me to say . This kind of thing pops up a lot and I'd love some things I can say or something. Like I say I think lot of it is I need my own self care to feel better myself and I haven't been sleeping well and have anxiety myself. Any help much appreciated Thanks",,6,GlamGemini,2023-04-23 11:53:04 RedPillWomen,12w4y5v,How’s your relationship with your mum?,"For anyone who doesn’t want to read my entire post, the summary is that I’ve shared the detail about my relationship with my mum and I’m curious to hear about yours. I want to add that, obviously, this is a very high-level summary. It won’t capture everything. I only ask that you trust me when I say I think she’s a good albeit imperfect mum. I love my mother and I believe she did her best raising me. She wasn’t perfect at it but I have no doubt she did her best to put me and my brother first. As an adult, I find it difficult to balance. She’s religious and practices as a moderate, but she is convinced that her beliefs are correct. I don’t believe that any one religion is correct and I consider myself secular. If I’m pushed, I say I’m atheist but agnostic is more likely. This is our biggest source of tension and I haven’t openly said these words to here because I think she would pop. Maybe she won’t but I have to figure out how to deliver the news and I still haven’t worked it out yet. I kind of hoped I could avoid it my whole life but with my husband and I considering kids, the time is going to come sooner than I would like. Anyway, perhaps because she tried so hard (or for some reason I don’t know), she doesn’t handle criticism very well. And I don’t mean harsh criticism, she would get really upset if we were having a chilled discussion about our childhood and we say “haha you went out that time remember and I was actually ill (but you didn’t know)” and she gets super upset. She’s like that in real time too. Her go to mechanism for persuasion is guilt. And man do I struggle with feeling guilt all the time. But heaven forbid you point out she’s guilting you. She did it to me this AM. My cousin just had a baby and has to hire a nanny because she’s going to back to work. My mum (fair enough) said that was sad. I then said I planned to have 24/7 help with my baby even when I was on maternity leave. She said why, I said to do xyz. She said “that’s what parents are for”. And I don’t agree. I mean, she’s right, but there’s not just one way to parent and my husband and I already have discussed and agreed on this. We both feel that this approach will allow us to both be rested, that all the time with baby is quality time, and that neither of us is overly exhausted and we can just focus on enjoying the baby’s infancy and not just coping, but thriving. She disagreed vehemently. I told her not to shame my choices. She got a little upset that I called her out. And then she came round and said actually whatever works. The thing is, I do find her overbearing at times. And she’s got an idea in her head that she is super chilled. And she is - compared to other mothers in the community. But that’s why I left the community in a way. My husband is from a totally different world and I live in another city. I only ever have to deal with her trying to tell me what’s best for me when I visit home or call her. I do want to note that often times she’s right. When I need advice, I call her. She’s given me advice that is so good that I credit that advice as the reason my husband and I are in such a good space. But there are limits. I’ve found that she’s got more judgmental as she’s gotten older and so I find myself calling and visiting less. I feel guilty about that although she never brings it up. She’s usually just happy to see me. All in all, she’s not perfect but I love her. And she loves me very much and will support me if I ever fall. (Unless we become estranged because religion. I have no idea how that will play out.) I know that she’s going to flip her lid when I have a baby and she realises I’m not going to pass religion on to it. That gives me so much anxiety and I’m considering therapy to figure out how to deal with it. I’m not looking for advice per se but I am curious to hear your stories along the same line I’ve shared mine :)",,6,jenna_grows,2023-04-23 11:06:51 RedPillWomen,12vzhve,Is it ever worth it to try and convert a blue pill friend?,"I have a friend (28F) who has been trying to get the bf (30M) to marry her for YEARS now. He always finds some excuse to delay it and honestly I don't think he's into it as much as she is. The worst thing is that their relationship is not even that healthy, my friend has the typical blue pill mindset that constantly arguing with your partner is somehow okay or even ""hot"". I can't imagine constantly bickering with my SO like that, it looks toxic to me. She desperately wants marriage and kids so I think it would help her to leave him and change her mindset ASAP. Of course, I haven't said anything because it's none of my business to change someone and because I don't think she would take any criticism well. I was just curious, have you ever been successful in converting a blue pill friend?",,8,Novel-Tip-7570,2023-04-23 07:12:51 RedPillWomen,12td6dv,Can you share your favorite (relatively easy) dinner recipe?,"I didn’t get great sleep last night (my cat had the worst Zoomies and husband snoring kept me up lol) so I’m sleep deprived and so slow today. I told him I’d make a more intricate dinner tonight than our usual. We tend to have grilled salmon with veggies and white rice or some chicken and veggies etc. Going to Whole Foods later to grab ingredients. Something relatively healthy but my head is pounding w a migraine 😭 thought I’d turn for advice",,12,LocalCap5093,2023-04-20 19:55:47 RedPillWomen,12sul9g,Permanent ban off another subreddit for “participation” in this one weird flex but OK Matrix,"Ive never even posted on that sub but here “You have been permanently banned from participating in r/offmychest. You can still view and subscribe to r/offmychest, but you won't be able to post or comment. Note from the moderators: You have been automatically banned for participation in RedPillWomen, the self-described ""women's space in the RP network"". Its promotion of incel/redpill/mgtow ideology inherently violates our Rule 2. Its moderators allow disruptive and harassing brigades aimed directly at this community. Its users are uncontrollable and belligerent.”",,47,Zdena_Rose,2023-04-20 10:56:42 RedPillWomen,12sreed,He goes out with friends while I'm home with baby,"Hi everyone, We have a 4 month old baby and my boyfriend is a loving dad and partner, although I feel I've been doing most of the work especially in the evenings. Since our baby was 3 weeks old, there have been times where he goes out 3-5 times with friends (dinner parties, pub events, birthday parties, football matches). I had a breakdown and he suggested he could go out twice a week instead. Yesterday he told me he has four events within the next 7 days. I don't know what to say or do.... I'm tempted to go and sleep somewhere else with our baby because I'm feeling resentful, and he comes home and makes a racket waking her up. Right now I'm just stfu, is this the best method? I'd rather he went out twice and spent time as a family, but i want him to be happy and it seems that he'd rather socialise. What would you do? Advice please... Thank you.",,40,Lillaoet91,2023-04-20 08:35:34 RedPillWomen,12sr99n,Though on the intention of patriarchal tradition,"A thought or a realization of sorts... Perhaps the intent of the patriarchal tradition of ""giving away the bride"" does not in fact originated from a possessive nature but rather protection and nurturing care to provide home and comfort to all of the fairer sex because it is their utmost responsibility to aid and protect us from all harm. That because of the mistreatment of some, we (modern feminism) have villanized the tradition as a whole and disregarded its profound natural simplicity as the act of protecting and providing for all women if the earth, because it is our duty to raise and nurture the next generation of humans which is kinda the most important thing, instinctually anyway. Pretty much seems like everything nowadays is a crazy perversion of whatever original intent was intended. It's not like we don't have reason to be wary of men these days because of all the cultural trauma that is inflicted upon everyone but I think its wrong to disregard the traditional family structure just because we are all traumatized. We need to work through all this cultural indoctrination together and I personally think that if we let men take their natural roles as our providers and protectors that some of the natural balance of feminine and masculine, chaos and order, yin and yang might be restored in this land of madness. Thoughts?",,23,birdlovesyou,2023-04-20 08:28:54 RedPillWomen,12sjiik,"UPDATE: early dating stages, got concerning info from a mutual friend","So, I’m very bad at letting things lie and this was bothering me, so I talked to him about it (prev post for context). Sorry for long post! People were wondering the motivation of the mutual friend who told me about this; I talked to said friend, and long story short, he’s into my older sister who also attends our college, and he didn’t want to risk her being pissed at him for not warning her if the guy I was dating turned out to be awful. My friend already has a girlfriend (and still expressed interest in my sister!), but that's a separate problem. About the convo with the guy I’m dating, he told me about two incidents where he’d made girls uncomfortable. One was he was really drunk and into this girl, and kept repeatedly telling her he was into her. The other time, he and another girl were cuddling in his bed watching a movie, and he got handsier than she was comfortable with. He said he spoke with both of them afterwards and apologized. These happened 1.5-2 years ago. The other issue, about him being an angry drunk, I’m fine dismissing since the evidence there was weak, and I had friends vouch for him. I’ll admit, the incidents with the girls unsettled me. My sister and her friends have a low opinion of him now, which is unfortunate because I’m close with her. However, all of the girls that I talked to who know him have only said good things about him. Like I mentioned in my previous post, his close female friend swore up and down that he’s worked very hard on himself in the past year and has improved a lot. I appreciated that he was honest with me about the incidents, and he told me that he regrets his past, and he wishes that he could hit a reset button. He wishes that I could know about just the him of now, and not who he used to be before we met. He said he used to be a lot more insecure as well, but he’s far more confident and happier now. I’m inclined to dismiss it. These were minor incidents, and by all accounts he’s put strong effort into changing himself. However, there’s still a part of me that’s unsettled by his past behavior. Any thoughts are appreciated, thank you!",,4,Latter-Cranberry4508,2023-04-20 02:52:40 RedPillWomen,12rlgpl,"early dating stages, got concerning info from a mutual friend","Hi all! I’m in a confusing situation right now. I’ve been dating a guy for a few weeks, and he’s been nothing but wonderful to me. However, I got a message from a mutual friend tonight, telling me about some concerning rumors he’s heard about this guy. The friend said he’s an angry drunk (he gave the example of pushing over scooters randomly when drunk?) and that he’s made girls uncomfortable by hitting on them after they said no, and being “overzealous.” I asked a good friend of his about this, and she vouched for him. She said that rumors in their club get very twisted, and that she’s never seen him act like that. Thing is, she’s only been good friends with him for the past year. She said he’s a good guy with good intentions, and she really believes he’s changed a lot for the better in the past year. For context we’re all in college, he and I are exclusive, and he seems like a good prospect for a long-term relationship (at least he did until I got this text). What do I do from here? I’m going to talk to him about it of course, but I want to get my thoughts in order first. I’ve never seen him act like that, but of course he’s going to be on his best behavior around me, especially since it’s only been a few weeks. Do I trust that it’s just a rumor, or if it’s true, that he’s truly changed for the better? Or do I cut my losses here and now. Literally any advice would help, thank you.",,4,Latter-Cranberry4508,2023-04-19 08:02:31 RedPillWomen,12qyned,Harvard scholars: Marriage makes women happier and healthier,[https://www.thecollegefix.com/harvard-scholars-marriage-makes-women-happier-and-healthier/](https://www.thecollegefix.com/harvard-scholars-marriage-makes-women-happier-and-healthier/),,56,Created-being,2023-04-18 18:07:43 RedPillWomen,12qw7fx,Dating advice: when can you trust a man has left his “hoe phase?”,"Hi everybody! I’d like advice on a current situation. Apologies for the long post, haha. A guy in my class asked me out and I said yes, and we’ve been dating for a month, I’ve really been enjoying myself. He checks all my boxes tbh: athletic, taller than me, older than me (2 years), good career future, has a good friend group of guys I like, etc. Here’s the problem: he is, by his own admission, a “recently reformed hoe”. He hasn’t been in a serious relationship in three years, and has been having his fun in the meantime. I don’t care overly much about that, except for STD risk, but my fear is just being another notch on his belt. It’s early days still, so I’m being cautious…but I will confess I’m pretty permissive with making out and getting physical (but not with sex). Here are the reasons why I think/hope I’m not just physical to him: 1) I’ve met all of his friends (guys and girls) and they were extremely kind and welcoming, and all told me they’d heard a lot about me. He has a lot of mutual friends with my brother, and my brother talked to them after he heard we were dating, and they told my brother not to worry, and that the guy really likes and cared about me. 2) He has been the one to continue our relationship. He asked me out, and I was fine just dating casually for a while, but he asked me to be exclusive after a few weeks, and made it clear that he wants me to be his girlfriend when I feel ready for that. 3) He hasn’t been pushing for anything physical, he would only kiss me politely until I outright told him I wanted to make out. 4) He’s very attentive and notices all the little stuff I care about. For example, he brought my favorite snack as a surprise when we went out partying. And when we went on a picnic date, he took care of everything and even brought cheddar because I offhandedly mentioned during our previous date that it was my favorite cheese. I asked him why he left his “hoe phase” and he said it was because of me. He said he’s been interested since the fall but didn’t make any moves bc he knew I had a boyfriend then, and only recently found out that I was now single/over my breakup. Part of me thinks that’s sweet, but another part is suspicious! I trust him in my gut but intellectually I feel I should be more careful. Does anybody have any advice? Insight on the situation? Anything to look out for to see if I’m just a notch on his belt? Like I said, I feel like I can trust him, but I also know that that’s a very old story of “I thought he was so sweet until blah blah blah”. Thank you all for your time! (Edited for format)",,16,Valuable_Place1265,2023-04-18 16:58:27 RedPillWomen,12msgle,Appreciation post! What’s something sweet your guy does? ❤️,"I love scrolling through this subreddit due to the plethora of knowledge you can find from so many women. Hopefully through this knowledge many of you have found suitable men. Well..let’s gush about them!! Let’s take a second or two to show some love/appreciation to something your guy does. Big or small, it doesn’t matter! I would love to hear all about it. (This also serves as a great way for everyone reading to get a general idea of qualities to look for in men/green flags - win/win!❤️)",,31,vinesandflowers,2023-04-15 06:18:53 RedPillWomen,12m40bi,Help me find meaning," I need help and guidance from anyone that can ease my mind please I feel that life as a woman is meaningless . A man can have no kids , never married and still live a meaningful life & still can celebrate his successes. As for woman, if you never had a child, If ""your clock is ticking"" if you are over 24 and still with no husband you better just go bleep yourself because only misery is on your way. And even if you are a lucky one & you did get a husband and kids. Your whole life is them which is fine but then all your life about is cook clean cook clean until you die. The husband can cheat the kids will leave & you will stay alone. Old. unlovable. While the man can still find a young woman who'll take him in. If you focus on your career then ofc hell is on your way and you will end up the same because women accomplishments amount to nothing. always & forever the side character in a man's world. If you are lucky, it is a nice kind man and life is good. But if he is a jerk, you'll end up working cooking & clearning your entire life as you are providing. All you can do is wait for a man to have mercy on you and marry you cause otherwise you are doomed. What is the purpose then? all scenarios lead to the same outcome. Why would i want to live another day if my entire future and "" success"" depends on if the man is gonna pop the question or not? 0 control over anything. The redpill community ( men side this subreddit is great) makes me hate the fact that i am a woman and seriously makes me consider bleeping myself. cause again, For what purpose?..",,4,Routine-Excitement70,2023-04-14 17:05:14 RedPillWomen,12ldn44,Accountability and wins,"Was accepted into Laura Doyle’s coaching/therapy. I’ve been on every call since. Diving into self care which my coach made my number one priority. Took a bath, set a timer to only work on my project for two hours (previously I would envelop myself into it for entire days and I don’t want to be that person missing out on life- family time) Took my son to the playground. Took him for ice cream. Got myself to the gym. Staying on my page. Expressing my gratitude to God and others around me. Focusing on the positive and what I want to grow. Promising myself to carry these skills with me for the rest of my life. Putting this in here and in LD circle to hold myself accountable. Thanks for listening ladies.",,28,thesurrenderedwife,2023-04-14 00:49:43 RedPillWomen,12l8hui,I feel like I have nothing significant to offer,"Hello, I’ve been lurking here for a little bit and I was wondering if I’m overthinking this or not. Just for some info I’m 21, currently in college, haven’t been in a relationship before (wasn’t allowed to date in high school plus guys weren’t interested ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ), and am religious. I was listening to this modern dating podcast the other day (the whatever podcast) and the host asked one of the girls “What do you have to offer?” I started thinking about how I would respond to that question, and realized I don’t have a good idea on how to respond. I haven’t dated anyone so I don’t really have a resume of what I can do. I can do basic cooking, cleaning and have hobbies I enjoy. I’m socially awkward but I can hold a conversation okay. In terms of what I can offer, I can only talk about what I hope I can offer, but I don’t see that as being convincing. I feel very average/boring and I don’t think I have anything that would make me stand out. I will admit I need to work on my wardrobe a little bit more. I don’t wear makeup because I wasn’t allowed to and never picked up the habit/skill so I just focus on skincare (my skin is sensitive anyway). I have a boyish figure in the sense I don’t have curves and have very small breast (it doesn’t bother me but I’m just being realistic). Also, I don’t have an in-depth list of what I want in a relationship, but I feel like it would be weird to expect a lot if I don’t have any experience being in one. Am I overthinking this?",,32,Mika_Acorn8,2023-04-13 22:18:47 RedPillWomen,12l265r,Mental illness and having children,"Tracing back to my maternal great grandfather, my family has a long history of bipolar disorder. Alongside my mother’s grandfather, one of her aunts or uncles had it, one of her cousins has it, her brother has it, and my brother has it. My boyfriend knows this and has expressed concern about having a bipolar child if we were to have kids in the future. After hearing about how having a bipolar sibling has affected me and my mother, he doesn’t want our other kids to experience the trauma of growing up with a bipolar sibling. I completely understand his point of view, however I desperately want to have my own children (call me selfish idc, I want to continue my bloodline and refuse to consider any other option unless I turn out to be infertile). I believe that a large part of how the bipolar people in my family turned out was due to nurture. Aside from my brother, none of them grew up with a great home life iirc. And my brother certainly turned out better than most of the others. (As for my own trauma, I believe it really only stems from receiving less attention than my brother as I was the “unproblematic” child. However I believe I have largely moved past this trauma through introspection, therapy, and building a better relationship with my parents as an adult). Because of this, I believe with the right home life my children will either not develop it (especially since the chance is 10-25% if a parent is bipolar, which I am not so the chance is likely even lower) or, if they do, I believe I can support them and my other children better than my family has in the past. Is this naïve of me? What are your opinions on this topic?",,7,Nymph_river,2023-04-13 20:13:21 RedPillWomen,12kld4w,why ghost then,"is 'im amazed' a code hahaha Imagine talking to a guy, connecting, being interested in the same topics, same sense of humor. You say something knowledgeable about the thing he likes and he recognises you like it too/you do something which impresses him and he goes wow you've impressed me with this and then he ghosts. This has happened to aprox 3 guys i've talked to and now im vary of that amazement effect, like if you're the one saying that, and everything up until was genuine connection why would u ghost me? Two have came back but i didn't respond and the third one happened today and hurt the most lol since i actually like him a lot so, why bother communicating how wowed you are when you ghost the next moment with guys who just talked and flirted i continued to text but for the third time?? that i've heard this i was ghosted UPDATE: Guys he answered lol false alarm",,7,cekaosam,2023-04-13 11:15:17 RedPillWomen,12js4ya,Waiting,"Me f29 him m28 together for 7 years. Sex life ok but room for improvement. Exactly one year ago my SO registered to finish his Master thesis. He will finish this summer. We always planned to marry once he has his Masters as he is eligible for a very nice sum during his studies if not married/in a Life-Companionship. I always thought he would propose with a few months to spare, setting up a wedding takes time even if we just sign the papers. During Fall I was hopeful. My Family got excited for Christmas season. No ring, nothing. His Family got excited for February. No, nothing happened. In March he got the good news he has passed the thesis and just needs to do the oral exam. Unless he totally flunks it he has his Masters safe. His mother and I talked about rings. I confessed my love for amethyst. She asked me what is going on - I told her about my hopes and she told me she does not understand him. He supposedly loves me so much and we talked about marriage years ago. (7 year relationship, our anniversary was in December) I work on a freelance basis and do my dissertation, he has a job that pays well but is 2/3rd Time. Our sex life suffered through his thesis as he turned into a night owl. I always prepared breakfast for him. I also made sure to make him feel welcome in my flat (we live in my flat mostly, as his is tiny and I have a flat that within walking distance to the campus and has a balcony). We wanted to search a flat for US once engaged… My Mother advised me to stop playing wife for him. Let him buy the cow first and all that. That was 6 months ago. I stopped making breakfast or welcoming him home as a king. I got involved in new hobbies and spend the days becoming amazing. I am currently cleaning up my eating and lost 2kg already. I still love him but my brain says I am wasting my time… His brother was against me from the get go. He foolishly thought I had a thing for industrial workers and only that made me fall for my SO. Coupled with his assumption I would be a gold digger. Yes, SO working a blue collar job and doing secondary schooling to attend university made me proud of him - but that has nothing to do with me being a gold digger or just loving him for his former job. Maybe his brother put thoughts into his head? I tried to talk with my SO but he told me to stop asking. Without explanation and just that. He tells me he loves me, wants to start a life together… I know I am not perfect. But no one is and I am very much doing my best.",,16,Such_Beginning_1629,2023-04-12 16:48:26 RedPillWomen,12jt5ua,Seeking advice: Is using a location tracking app on my boyfriend crossing a line?," Hi r/RedPillWomen! Discovered this subreddit a while back, but this is my first-time post here. I (21F) am seeking some advice and perspective about a situation with my boyfriend (21M). I absolutely adore him, and we've been together for a few months now. However, I struggle with low self-esteem and insecurities, partly due to being cheated on in a past relationship. I worry that he doesn't realize how attractive he is. He went to an all-boys school and didn't have much female attention before we got together, so I feel like I got there first. He often goes out with friends for game nights or just to hang out, and while his friend group is mostly men with a few women (who are *not* single), I can't help but worry he might cheat on me, even though I don't have any specific reason to think he would. To help alleviate my insecurities, I asked him to download a location-sharing app called Life360. I framed it as a safety measure in case he got injured while biking or to see how close he was to my place when he's on his way. Admittedly, part of me wanted the app so I could feel more secure knowing he isn't cheating. He agreed to download it without resistance, although he found it a bit odd. I have the app set up to notify me whenever he leaves certain locations (home, work, friends' houses, my place), and I sometimes text him to ask what he's up to or remind him to take photos (under the pretense that it's cool to see what he's doing and he can share with me some fun stories later on about what he got up to). Recently, a friend saw a notification pop up on my phone and asked about it. She said it was weird that I have a GPS tracker on my boyfriend and asked if he thought it was creepy. She also mentioned that I could be jeapordising our relationship by appearing to undermine the mutual trust partners should have for one another. Now I'm questioning whether I'm crossing a line. He didn't object to downloading the app, but is it still wrong for me to use it this way? I wouldn't do it if he had been against it, but I want to know your thoughts. Any advice or perspective would be greatly appreciated! To answer the questions in the sidebar: >**What is the problem, and what do you think is the root of the issue?** > >There's no immediate problem right now, but I'm worried I might have done something wrong due to my insecurities. I didn't really realize the potential gravity of it until my friend questioned it. I'd rather nip the problem in the bud rather than get to a point where it's affecting him without me realizing. > >**How have you contributed/attempted to mitigate the problem?** > >I'm not really sure, as I don't know whether it's a serious problem. I think I'll stop texting him each time he leaves a location as that might make me seem overly clingy. I would talk with him about it but if he doesn't even think it's crossing a line I don't want to put the thought into his head that it might be. > >***What is your current relationship status and length of time?*** > >We've been going out since December 2022. We're single and exclusive. Sex life is good, we see each other a lot. *^((I'm posting here rather than in)* r/relationship_advice *^(because I resonate more strongly with the relationship structures encouraged by this sub, and I've seen a lot of posts about members of this sub getting mass-banned with their posts deleted if they post outside of this subreddit).)*",,12,Yes_Slay_Queen,2023-04-12 17:28:52 RedPillWomen,12jap9x,is it just me or are a lot of women finding Christ?,"i just find this fascinating- like in this group alone it seems like a lot of women here have recently started following Jesus- i began last year, and now i’m in love! i couldn’t imagine my life without Him <3 is it possibly just because of the age range of this group? and the fact that it attracts people who are looking for more traditional lifestyles/relationships anyway? or do you all see it happening in the general population? i can’t really tell now because i’m surrounded by christians and God is all i really care about.. but are more people becoming christians? men too?",,15,[deleted],2023-04-12 05:02:27 RedPillWomen,12j7ntd,I Effed Around and Found Out (Need Advice),"Hi all, I am fairly new to RedPillWomen but found out about it after a huge fight with my boyfriend a few months ago. Ive found a lot of it really resonates with me, for example I’m reading The Empowered Wife right now and it’s been great. A little background, I am and always have been a very insecure and jealous girlfriend. I was in my past relationship(also my first) but always blamed my fights in my ex, however now I can see that I was just as much of the problem as he was. I am currently in a relationship with a really great guy. I am a lot older now, and going into this relationship I thought I would be more mature. However, we have had some fights that showed I am still very much seeking validation. This is quite embarrassing for me as I am nearly 28 (almost at “The Wall”) and doesn’t seem like any way for a confident woman to act. Regarding the fights with my current guy, looking back on them I see that no one was really in the wrong ? Well, maybe I was because essentially what I did was take small matter and turn them into molehills with my anxiety, validation seeking, and insecurity. I’m working really hard on this. Anyways, here is the current situation. A few days ago I was home alone at boyfriends apartment while he was out running errands. I became curious and decided to snoop in his night stand drawer. He has a bedside drawer and in that he also keeps sex toys, lotions, lube, etc, which I’ve seen him pull out during intimacy. I justified it as “I am curious to know more about what he is interested in sexually. Maybe he has some even more kinky stuff that he is too shy to share.” But deep down I knew I was snooping and knew I shouldn’t have looked. Anyway, I got just was coming to me in the form of a picture of him and who im assuming is an ex. It was buried beneath a bunch of other stuff and looked pretty old, but was a photo of them kissing. I was absolutely horrified. I spent the past few days ruminating on what I should do. Should I confront him and lie, saying something like “Oh I wanted some of your lotion,” or should I be totally upfront and tell him I was snooping. To be honest I don’t think he would take either of these very lightly. I am here looking for advice on the situation. I don’t want to go to the regular relationship subs as I’d prefer advice from other RPW. This was really terrible of me to do, I know, but should I be concerned that he has this picture? I know this picture was from at least 4+ years ago because he told me has hasn’t been in a relationship since then, but I know he and this ex were together quite some time. Does keeping an old photo of his ex mean he is of low value? Really would appreciate any advice from a RPW standpoint, and can give more info if needed.",,16,idontlikecockroaches,2023-04-12 03:00:52 RedPillWomen,12j1fea,New to this community and want support,"Hi guys, I’m glad I’ve joined this community and it’s given me a lot of insight about men/women. I grew up in an unstable household and didn’t realize I was creating the same instability in mine which has caused a DB situation. My husband doesn’t seek that anymore from me even though we’re a fairly young couple (31F, 37 M). Recently we’ve had a talk that he can’t teach me how to be a wife. It’s hurt me and is really embarrassing. But I don’t know how to be a wife because I didn’t grow up watching my mom do those things. He is an alpha male, provides for our family and does household chores as well. For example he said every time he goes to work there’s no breakfast and he goes running on empty which is true. I just never thought about getting up for him. He always said it was okay, but I guess it wasn’t. Also he said I was quite messy (which I am). He would come home from work and everything would be a mess, kitchen room etc. I just didn’t bother. He also he would come home to a depressed wife always into her insecurities. Which yes, I agree. Now I’m planning on scheduling what needs to be done and taking notes on my phone, or maybe getting a journal. I am planning to be more happy, smile and attentive. I will not unload on him with drama any longer or treat him like a girlfriend. I had stopped grooming myself or cared about my physical appearance (I am 5m postpartum tho). I will get back into that as well. Id like other tips and advice to be more feminine and create a comfortable home environment. I still have some resentment towards him about this and the “feminism” I’ve been exposed to is partially to blame. Please share your experiences!",,12,Ineedbabies123,2023-04-11 23:13:33 RedPillWomen,12inrym,Any senior red pillers in here?,"Life looks very different at 60 rather than at 25. What men want does change somewhat. Not COMPLETLEY…. But if the equipment needs a pill to work, the drive is no longer a motivating force. Things do shift. Anybody?",,13,hergardenofdreams,2023-04-11 15:39:58 RedPillWomen,12j1ewx,When is it appropriate to talk about the future (marriage and kids) when dating?,"I’m 30F, my bf is 38M. We’ve been together for 4 months. We spend a lot of time together and have a lot of deep talks, so it feels substantial even though it’s only been months. We love each other a lot and enjoy spending time together. We’ve met each other’s friends and family. He has a 3.5yr old son and co-parents with biological mother (BM) (39yo). They share 50/50 custody and I can envision that they will always be attached til death does them apart because they share a son together. They have been together since they were 21yrs old and just separated 1.5yrs ago. They have two decades of growth and history together and they share many mutual friends and family (his ex-partner and her current bf went over to my bf’s best friend’s parents’ house for Easter celebrations). I already feel like an outsider. Perhaps this is what is bothering me too. I can’t help but to think about the future as I prefer to know earlier on whether I am wasting my time dating someone who I won’t have a future with. I do want to have my own biological kids with the right person. He did say that he is open to marriage and kids again the future. It’s just that every time I bring up how thinking about a future with BM is bothering me (I’ve haven’t met kid or BM), he says that it isn’t something we need to be thinking about at this point of our relationship. He says that it’s possible that my relationship with BM will be pleasant. Despite this from him, I am still feeling stressed out all the time.",,2,foreverbrightness,2023-04-11 23:13:07 RedPillWomen,12isd9h,Can anyone recommend content creators?,"As per the title, can anyone recommend me some red pill women to watch on YouTube? Or podcasts? Thank you :)",,5,[deleted],2023-04-11 18:14:29 RedPillWomen,12itixq,"I think my boyfriend is too ambitious and I'm stuggling with it, help!","Hi all, me again. I think I've come to the realisation, that in my opinion my (28f) boyfriend (28m) of 2 years is too ambitious. He has a degree already, but he often talks about getting ahead in his career even more. He already has a great job and has fairly good earning potential and will be able to support a family well enough with that. I am very happy with his prospects even if things stayed the same and he really feels like my dependable, loveable, hero. The thing is, he has dreams of opening a company one day and earning even more money. He wants to be his own boss and be able to innovate and forge his own path. And I think if he wants that he will get there because this man is super smart and the sun shines on him blessing him with good fortune wherever he goes lol. He also wants to pursue a masters degree next year. But... when I hear him saying these things it makes me panic and I find it hard to be passionate about his aspirations. We are thinking about getting engaged toward the end of the year and then trying for a family soon thereafter. Really, all I want at this point is to be married and have babies. Like, it is literally my dream. I myself am studying a masters degree currently and also run my own business part time so maybe I'm being a hypocrite. But it gives me so much insight and this shit is hard. I'm so busy all the time and I actually hate it. The main issue is the masters, because that is a time drain, thankfully it will be over soon. But the point is, I know how hard it is to juggle everything and we don't even have kids yet. I know I really should be thankful that I won't have to worry about finances because he will have it covered. I have a few health issues so can't work as much as I'd like and my business doesn't earn a ton even though I put in a lot of hours...but these aspirations of his to work full time, get a masters, open a company...it's too much. I just know that if he pursues this path it will have a negative impact on our lives. Something will have to give because you can't do everything. I'm a quality time type of gal and I just think this might hurt that. Or maybe he won't have time to look after his mental and physical health or do anything enjoyable. Or maybe I will have to do 100% of all the domestic stuff and 100% of all the kids stuff. I'm not overly concerned about raising kids with a dad that's not there *all* of the time, because we plan for me to be a SAHM and I think as long as one parent is around that's the most important. And I grew up with my dad doing shift work so he wasn't always around and that was manageable. But, I'm worried it will be *too* much if he plans to have these big dreams. Maybe he will be stressed with business stuff and study 24/7. I don't know. I worry that our values are not lining up with this. His parents don't help either, they are constantly encouraging him to pursue this masters degree and get a phd and all kinds of things. He thinks that you can have kids and either a FT job + study OR own a company and everything will be fine. Because apparently his parents they did it all. I just don't agree with this perspective, he got raised by a nanny because his parents didn't have the time for his younger self, poor thing. That makes me sad for him, really. And they never looked after their physical health. So I don't know. My mother is RP, she says this is a bit of a red flag but I don't know. I want to make it work, it's already been a 2 year relationship, I don't want to start again because this is a good guy, the best I will get imo and I love him. And, I'm already 28 so want kids soon. Can anyone give me advice? It's been really stressing me out lately.",,4,itburnsss45,2023-04-11 18:51:01 RedPillWomen,12i6ww6,Love & Respect Book,"Have been working my way through Dr. Emerson Eggerich’s Love & Respect? Never realized how much I didn’t understand how men view the world but also understand myself naturally and what I’m called to do by the divine. The aspect of “unconditional respect” can be pretty eye opening. I immediately wrote a list of what I respect about my man in my journal to keep it on the fore front on the mind bc I have a tendency to focus on the negatives when conflict arises and then told my man that. Hoping good things come and this is a process I can implement moving forward but very happy to be realizing it. Has anyone else read this book and how has it worked (or not worked) in your life? Any tips?",,9,Forsaken-Savings4370,2023-04-11 03:29:13 RedPillWomen,12hk2ni,"What the heck! Got permanently banned from ""r/Off My Chest"" community for participating in r/RedPillWomen","I know it's off topic. But I'm literally baffled. I've only posted in off my chest and that too 2 years ago. And I've just posted a comment in redpillwomen, and I got this notification of banning. I mean can anyone explain? How does this work? Are they just stalking us or anything?",,78,False_Process_2473,2023-04-10 14:14:24 RedPillWomen,12i1obp,has anyone bought from amantine?,"Online their clothes look super feminine, youthful, romantic.... but I am wary of them being a scam. Their price points are kind of low and they don't seem to have any real-life stores or reviews online. Hoping someone here has experience .... I would also love some reccs for where to buy modest but feminine clothing!",,4,leibesleid,2023-04-11 00:09:20 RedPillWomen,12hwo1p,How long should I be in nun mode?,Hi I'm 25F and I have a looooot of work to do on myself before I become marriageable. However I realize that this year is the last year that I look vaguely good in the eyes of men (except I'm fat) and I don't want to waste it. What should I do?,,2,[deleted],2023-04-10 21:20:11 RedPillWomen,12h3qaf,I genuinely feel like I’ll be alone in this lifetime.,"No matter how hard or little I try, I just can’t find anyone to be with. I want a relationship and I eventually want kids and a family. I really am ready for it - emotionally, mentally, physically etc. A little bit about myself: I’m 24F, financially stable, a good career (one that impresses people a lot actually), and super ambitious with my goals. I have been told that I’m above average, I have a good sense of fashion, I’m clean and organized. I also go to a handful of fitness classes every month and the gym one-two times a week. I’m feminine, I talk politely, and I even love it when a man holds the door for me! I have a handful of friends I’m satisfied with. I talk to them weekly and hang out with them every week give or take. I get along with everyone and though im quiet at first with strangers, people say I actually come across as confident and badass. I also am very humble because I’ve always hated strangers knowing about my life too much. I go to therapy to work on my confidence, and inner child wounds (having to take care of myself since I was a child). But nothing too serious that impacts my day to day life. I seriously worked on myself all my life - hence why I advanced in my career at my age, can deal with tremendous stress, and constantly want to learn. I have never once kissed a guy, held hands, or even had someone crushing on me as far as I know. I’m on dating apps and I initiate a lot but still haven’t gone out on a date, I go out whenever I’m invited anywhere, and I always strike up convos when I’m walking my dog. I am working on looking and being more approachable as I’ve been told I could be standoffish but I believe it was just me being shy at first. People say don’t worry when the timing is right it’ll work out. Others say they’re shocked I never had a boyfriend because I’m so pretty (I know it’s a shallow way of thinking). My friends parents say they aren’t worried about me because i have a good head on my shoulders and I will attract people. Seriously, I think I’m just doomed. I’m cursed maybe? No clue but I feel so alone and I really do want to experience dating and being taken care of with a masculine man and experiencing all the feelings that come with it. Thanks for listening. When I tell my friends they always say I’ll find someone and I’m overreacting. But I genuinely feel something is off and maybe I’m not as self aware as I thought?",,14,[deleted],2023-04-10 02:08:50 RedPillWomen,12gvyef,Need help on Modest Clothing,"Hey Everyone, I am 24 F, trying to upgrade my closet with tasteful modest clothing. Most modest clothing brands online that pertain to this are super super expensive. I am just wondering where you get your clothing either online or in-store. I live in Canada so I will try my best to find what you offer. :) I have found some of my favorite pieces at thrift stores and H&M but i would love a reliable source. TIA :)",,5,Carebearem,2023-04-09 21:13:00 RedPillWomen,12glotu,Should I pursue a relationship with my colleague,"Hi everyone, I am facing a dilemma in which a colleague of mine (co -worker) has expressed interest in dating me, and I'm not sure whether I should pursue this relationship or not. I'm a 30 year old female, working a 67k job, no kids/baggage, never married although I've had boyfriends. He on the other hand, is 38 divorced with two kids (12 and 10, both females), making approximately the same amount of money as me (with a few k difference). He confessed that I am ""his type"" and asked if I would date him if he wasn't dating anyone else (for all I know he was dating another woman, but he might have been dumped?). We are both in residency training together (he another year ahead of me), and we would probably be split up when it comes to training for fellowships. Moreover, another colleague has invited the both of us (and another person) , so in total 4 people on an hour long road trip, the last weekend of April. My mom says I shouldn't go on the road trip, but I want to visit the place we are going to. Also, I know there are a lot of repercussions to dating a colleague... I have to mention that he is very nice to me and actually helped me out when I was having a tough time at work. Would like to get the red pill women perspective on this one. Thanks.",,6,kakashi1992,2023-04-09 14:56:20 RedPillWomen,12fzptf,What I want and how to get it from OLD?,"I'm pretty darn determined to get back out there after -- oof -- eight years of nun mode. That's right: my last date was in 2015. Life just kept happening and no men fell into my path, but that's good, because I didn't know how to define what I wanted, either in a man or in a dynamic. Now I know. The problem: I live in something of a backwater, a corner of my county that's full of married couples with young children and retired couples whose children are all either too young or, well, married with young children of their own. I'm not interested in the local dive bar because I'd prefer a man with more brains than tattoos (I have none, and the only one I'd consider is a peacock-blue lotus limned in gold on my belly). I'm not in a position to move out at this time due to COL, sadly, or I'd have a flat in the nearby city. I realize I'm 37, but I don't want children, and my target age range has always been 40-60, even when I was in my early 20s. I'd like to have something in common with him; I'd really like to find someone who would go on orchestra and jazz quartet dates and not be bored to tears, maybe someone who likes the midcentury vibe as much as I do. I'm down with dad bod -- I'm a size 8, which is kind of round for 4'11"" -- but I'd prefer he not be *obese*, you know? And since I consider myself about a 5/6, I'd like a 5/6 to match me. Height has to be the least important thing to me, because hey, shortest girl in any room. As long as I don't feel too physically dominant, we're cool! I'd prefer academic-nerdy over geeky-nerdy, if only because I've seen what geeky-nerdy is like. Insert sweatdrop emoji here. So how should I come across in a profile, bearing in mind that I'm progressive/woke but my mind isn't so open that my brain fell out and want similar? How do I emphasize that he's getting a loyal femme with a low body count and the desire and ability to be his first mate? And yes, I'm spending 2023 in a total glow-up. My hair is down to my shoulder blades and the color God intended, and I have put away more than enough money to get my eyes lasered (but I look adorable in round gold-rimmed glasses!). I would value your honesty and compassion. I spent eight years in nun mode so I could learn to give the same to other people. Thank you!",,15,diaryofalostgirl,2023-04-08 21:56:44 RedPillWomen,12esq2c,Advice for women with high body counts?,"I (26f) have a…relatively high body count. Think more than 10, less than 20. There are many reasons for this. For the sake of brevity I won’t get into them right here, but if you think it’s relevant I’ll answer any questions in the comments. The most important point is that I used to have very different values than I have now. And at this point, casual sex is deeply unappealing to me. I don’t want it outside of a committed relationship and feel no desire to seek it out. Ideally, I would like a relationship with a good Christian man. But I don’t know what my chances are with a body count this high. Obviously I do have other desirable qualities, and I’m odd for a woman in ways that make me desirable to a certain type of man. (Pretty sure I also don’t come off like someone who has a high body count- I’m quiet and nerdy, dress modestly, don’t seek out attention, etc.) But lately I’ve been worrying that Christian men just won’t want to be with me if I’m honest about my past, and I don’t want to be dishonest. Please be brutally honest with me- what are my odds? Are there any crucial tips for improving my RMV? How should I handle conversations about body count if they come up?",,19,SunRose42,2023-04-07 17:29:31 RedPillWomen,12f90ui,Should I move out or stay in grad school?,"I (f22) am finishing up my first year of law school however have had recurring doubts about whether i made the right choice being here. It is mainly a financial concern but also a question of whether this is the right investment for my life goals - of having a stable happy life with a good man who i can look up to and respect. i thought about pursuing the arts, but did not want to take the chance to ever be reliant on my parents for a long period of time. in my undergrad i aimed to be a clinical psychologist, but my dreams were constantly stepped on by my parents who wanted me to become a doctor. when it came time, i realized i had no energy for the mcat so i found a middleground and decided to pursue law school. It is interesting and i kind of enjoyed studying for the lsat. i have always been interested in social justice and human rights, but throughout this year i just almost completely forgot about that and just pursued ""big law"" and stuff i dont really care about because my mom keeps redirecting me, but is also simultaneously still obsessed with the idea with me going to medical school. in the chance i get a government job (which is requesting i take a gap year) this summer, it pays okay i mean better than jobs i've had before, should i consider moving out and taking that gap year from law school? What if that gap year extended or what if I changed my mind not to continue pursuing law school? Should I try to break away from my parents, because the more i invest into law school the more likely there is a chance i will rely on them more. Because I know if i choose to break away from law school, they will not support me. They will likely threaten to kick me out, and i would rather have a plan and place to stay than try to beg them to let me stay with them, to eventually just get away from them. Please be kind, and your thoughts are greatly appreciated <3 TLDR: sketchy parents, want me to stay in law school which is cool but i'm scared of debt and subsequently relying on them more. Should i continue or break away from them asap?",,1,onogomo,2023-04-08 02:50:32 RedPillWomen,12dgl6p,"Please, don't underestimate the power of communication","People often scoff at communication around here, but I think they're confusing it with negotiation, which is a different thing. Communicating your needs is absolutely healthy. I actually tried to suck it up and not say a thing for a while because I didn't want to be nagging , but it immediately made my mood worse and it showed. Ever since I learned to communicate my needs to my husband, I feel like it made things better and allowed me to be my vulnerable, feminine self. And yes, there is a way to communicate without nagging or being unpleasant.",,44,Novel-Tip-7570,2023-04-06 11:03:01 RedPillWomen,12cua9h,Success!!!,"Previously, I made a post about transitioning to a more modest and feminine wardrobe. Well, my boyfriend is going on a trip with his dad today. He was getting his shoes on getting ready to leave, and I was standing talking to him and wishing him well on his trip. I didn't even notice, but I was twirling my dress back and forth (I'm wearing a longer midi sundress, off the shoulder with a floral print). He couldn't stop staring at me. Eventually, he just completely stopped what he was doing, said ""Alright that's it."", came over to me and kissed me like out of the movies! He leaned back and said, ""You just look so cute."" * squeal * I love this feeling. I love giving the man I love this feeling. I love that as he leaves for his trip, I'll be on his mind the whole time, and he'll be thinking about his ""cute"" girlfriend. What a success (in such a short time frame)!",,156,AmilliBee,2023-04-05 18:58:53 RedPillWomen,12cjr9m,"I’m probably being silly, but…","I need some advice regarding mindset and physical intimacy. I’m seeing a wonderful guy who treats me very well, is pretty consistent with communication, etc. We were friends first and he expressed interest and started courting me about 3 months before we started dating. Thing is, I was very interested as well and made what I feel was the mistake of becoming intimate with him on our first real date. I was raised in a very liberal household and I’m still learning how to have and defend better standards. Anyway, that was a little over 2 months ago and he’s still acting interested, saying he loves me, etc., but I’m grieving over my lack of self control and struggling to relax. Scared that I’ve “doomed” us. Part of me wants to ask him to put our physical relationship on hold until I feel more comfortable, but that seems insane after all this time. I’d love any thoughts on this that are a little more useful than “nothing you can do now, just get over it.” TIA",,15,infinitymouse,2023-04-05 13:05:59 RedPillWomen,12ccu1r,body count issue UPDATE,"UPDATE - he asked me again about how many guys i’ve given bj’s to & i just said under 10, i don’t think this is a healthy convo, i’ve only ever done that with guys i’ve gone on dates with and had a real connection - i don’t want to go into specifics. he said “so 9 guys” i said no & i reminded how long i made him wait and he said “just bc u waited with me doesn’t mean that’s how u acted in the past” i said well, that’s how i acted. he then asked if i had done that with any guys between my last relationship and him - i said no. which is true. then he asked me how many guys i’ve kissed - i said 3. he asked who, i avoided telling who exactly for an hour & he said i was being dramatic and if i would just tell him we could move on. finally i told him, he was fine with two of them and then i said a guy he knew. he said “this is why i don’t trust you, you’re a liar. you said you’ve never hooked up with any of my friends. you’re gross. get the fuck out of my house” i just said ok and left. i did not expect that reaction. it was only a kiss with a guy that i’ve known for years (who yes kisses a lot of girls) and it happened before i even met him. he really cares about his reputation and talks about how his gf makes him look and that’s why he doesn’t want me to dress to slutty (which he may have a point about) so i think he was seeing it through that lease. anyways. he kicked me out. i just left. i’ve been crying for hours. i don’t understand why he’s treating me like i’m a hoe. i’m really not. i feel so insecure and like this is so unfair. i’m not sure what to do. to me “hook up” means more than kiss. i honestly am so upset please give me advice on how to handle this. i’m stuck between going back and forth that he’s being abusive & looking for fights & doesn’t actually think i’m gross and feeling like maybe i am gross and a liar and have ruined this relationship. i didn’t meant to be dramatic but like damn how am i supposed to feel comfortable ever telling him anything?",,25,Sarahhartttt,2023-04-05 08:04:00 RedPillWomen,12c4vpm,When they ask what you do for work?,"When guys ask me what I for a living what’s the most effective thing to say? I’m looking for a provider. I have a business that doesn’t have any income yet. I have a lot of hobbies. I live on a small investment income. I’m not sure if they are trying to see if I can provide, or see if I am a career woman, or if I don’t work that’s a red flag. I’m not sure.",,23,yxxer,2023-04-05 02:07:00 RedPillWomen,12cbkfn,Big sister/ motherly advice,"Im a 19 year old woman and would love y’all’s opinion on a few questions… 1. What do you all think is the best age to get married? 2. What should a young woman do in the mean time for self improvement and growth before they consider dating to marry? (how to become marriage material, figuring out who we are as a person, school, dating) 3. If we are not planning on getting married anytime soon how should we date? 4. What are some things you would tell your younger self when you were 18-25 Basically anything you would tell your daughter on how to navigate the world I would love to hear it!",,4,righthand_,2023-04-05 07:02:19 RedPillWomen,12bl8r3,The advice here really works!,"So as the title says the advice here is shockingly accurate. But I never knew this subreddit existed until a month ago. I’ve been lurking on here for a little bit now and up until a week ago I would say I was *gasp* a feminist. I didn’t actually ever have success getting men to take me seriously until I slowly incorporated things I learned as I went. I started dressing very feminine and cute. Made myself more fun to be around. Laughed and giggled more. Worked on my manners and how I speak. That worked and soon men were showing interest like never before. Even the sort of men that never paid me the time of day, suddenly wanted to take me out on dates. So here comes my shock when realizing red pill women philosophy applied to me. I was doing all these things to establish a relationship with a man I considered high value , and it worked! We just made 3 years and it’s like he jumped out of my favorite romance novel. And I would’ve never found him if it wasn’t for embracing my femininity.",,57,Elegantly_feminine,2023-04-04 14:43:37 RedPillWomen,12botzz,Shows of masculinity to his friends: Appropriate? Necessary? Specifically: strip clubs.,"I (30f) am engaged to an extremely successful alpha man (40m). We have been together 6 years. I am very feminine and stay at home to nurture our home life. We are so excited to be trying for kids immediately after marriage. I am so blessed to have found a man who is loyal, loving, completely devoted to me, very masculine, and happens to make 8 figures and even still on the up. I love him dearly and see a beautiful future for us. He fulfills all his duties and I trust him completely. I owe him everything and do the very best I can to strive to be as high value in every way as he is. Now to the point: on the rare occasion, he ends up at strip clubs with his boys. Sometimes I’m with him and it’s all fun and games. A time or two, he has gone without me and I have struggled a little internally with the thought of his hands on other women. I trust him not to do anything farther than dances and he doesn’t have any desire to go do this when he isn’t with his boys. It seems to be a need he has to be able to enjoy other women at strip clubs in front of his boys. He is absolutely the most masculine of them and I feel that it’s a show for them. I think it makes me look like a “cool fiance” to them, but obviously it does hurt me a little and I often weigh my hurt against all the work he does to fulfill his duties. I tell myself “He works so hard, so he deserves this and to maintain his masculine status with his boys”. When I met him, he was surrounded by women, and settling down with me has changed his life so much. I would hate to make him feel “tamed”, so I let him do this without complaint as an outlet for his masculinity. I am new to the red pill community but I’ve been lurking and I love the ideals. I was just curious how this community feels about this type of alpha masculine behavior. Am I doing the right thing to let him have this outlet and control my emotions in light of the wonderful life and love he provides for me? Ps- the bachelor party is looming and I’m just dreading having to swallow my emotions. There is a double standard because I’ll be expected to have a low key, transparent and very innocent bachelorette. But that never bothered me because I recognize the value of being innocent and “pure” as his bride. Maybe I’m just trying to feel better about this.",,4,Just-Sun3990,2023-04-04 16:45:01 RedPillWomen,12b7l4s,"Is my(32F)future mother-in-law(67F) living with us (4 year long term relationship) a dysfunctional dynamic? She helps him (41M) with his business, cooks, and does his laundry. And she’s one of his employees. He’s made it clear that she’s there to stay.","My boyfriend of 4 years (many of them unstable, on and off, we both have some issues… but it's been much better the last year) has a successful landscaping and cleaning company. His mom, his sister and him (dad was abusive, leftwhen he was 9) were very poor as he was growing up. His mom didnt graduate highschool i dont think (or barely graduated) but was a cna for 20 years. Doesnt drive, not super educated. Sort of simple intellectually and i dont mean that in a bad way, we get along fine and her outwardly uncomplicated nature is refreshing for the most part. She's just not really educated, but a lot of common sense and great work ethic. Her ex husband/his dad also abused her, cheated, and beat her, so shes had a tough life. Now my partner, at age 42, is very successful (I also watched his business grow quite a bit over 4 years). Pretty much a rags to riches, self-made man kind of story. I find it pertinent to add, that during the first few months of us dating, on a camping trip with his family, his sister in law told me very plainly that he was a mama's boy. Back then, I shrugged it off and considered it harmless. Maybe sweet even? Well fast forward 4 years. She is living with him, is a cleaner for his business, and also helps operate and orchestrate a lot of behind the scenes stuff (shops for supplies, stocks the transits, keeps track of keys, etc). She also cooks and does his laundry. She lives upstairs, and on the same floor is the office and another bedroom he/we used to sleep in. Now he/we (I still have my own place) live in the finished basement. Her husband used to live there as well, but about a year ago, he threw his dog across the garage, so my partner threw him out. Well his wife (my partners mom) didn't go with him, but stayed in her now cushy lifestyle. He (husband) wanted her to move back to their hometown with him, but she refused. Not that I really blame her... she would be going back to perhaps living in a dumpier place? Nows also the time to mention my partners very clean, straight edge type of guy. Probably undiagnosed OCD. His mom's husband, not so much. Not terrible, but definitely a bit lazy. Stoner type (so was I for a time). But I still felt it was somewhat wrong for my partner to separate them, even though he did what he did. It was super out of character though. He has a few health conditions and my partner seemed to consider him more of an inconvenience than a person or a step dad. So he was kinda just waiting for a reason to get him out of the house. She (his mom) also said that she won't divorce him because she took care of him his whole life and if he dies she should get the insurance money. I was disgusted when I heard this. But i do think she loves him, they still talk on the phone but she made a comment implying that she has to hide this fact, and that my partner told her to stop taking to him, and would get mad if he found out. Also odd. Back to the present: The house they live is pretty nice. Comfy. A year ago he remodeled the basement and it's pretty much a man cave. Huge bathroom. Workout area. Huge TV and entertainment area. He's very proud of it. The thing is, eventually I want kids. And consierng our ages (im 32, he is 41) its something we need to do soon. His mom however has made several comments over the years about how she doesn't want kids around. An employee brought it up to me in front of her a couple years back that we better Start soon, and she injected: ""NO! No kids!!"" She is now insisting they/we get another puppy though, in addition to the 6 month puppy and 8 year old dog of hers they currently have. Which, feels a bit off to me for some reason. I feel like my agency as a potential wife is not there or has no room to grow. He has her do everything. And maybe she wants it that way? My family think it's whack that she lives there. Says it's not right and me and him need our own space to be a couple and start a family. In a sense it also feels like she's keeping him somewhat emotionally infantile, despite him being financially successful with his business. I genuinely like her, and don't truly mind her now (at first it was odd and a bit uncomfortable). But I somehow feel like her presence may be both a threat to my and his individual development (I do want to Start cooking for us more, but it's like he wants to keep her busy? And I think she likes responsibility. She's also comfortable for him, never challenges him, will give him his way no matter what.) And is she going to try to get in the way of us having kids? is my question. I will add that he also has brought up kids and wants them and has ensured that she won't get in the way. In many cultures though, it is common for in- laws to live with couples / married couples. So I don't know if it's something I will just have to bear for love, or something I should prepare to challenge and change for our future. But in his present mind, she is there to stay. Sorry for this choppy and lengthy description. I'm still trying to figure out how to mentally navigate this. I was starting to feel content in it, but a couple family members have stressed that it is not a good situation. Just trying to get some outside unbiased opinions. TLDR; I’m afraid my mother in law living with us and being so crucial to his business will hinder our relationship, deny me agency as a future wife, and interfere with /prevent proper future family dynamics (she has been vocal about not wanting kids around) and I also wonder if it’s a sign of deeper problem (severe momma boy syndrome). What are your thoughts? Thanks so much for reading.",,7,Hellotrueme,2023-04-04 03:16:51 RedPillWomen,12as3rq,Want vs Settle,"Despite my insecurities in sharing my thoughts and opinions, I am completely open to criticism and insight about this. I didn’t want to share this in any other group bc of generalizing perceptions of rp and won’t help solve any cultural problems in the rp group. I don’t identify as rp but there are some perspectives I’m open to just to be clear. One topic I hear in the rp community especially in the men’s circles is that women don’t know what they want. Not referring to all rp men because I know all of them don’t see eye to eye with everything just like any movement/group. You can be pro black as a black woman but not support the organization BLM. I’d argue that we do know what we want, some of us just don’t know where to find it or will settle out of a scarcity mindset or at least don’t understand a healthy version of what we’re looking for in a person looks like and struggles with boundaries. For example you want a masculine and traditional man but these narcissistic and emotionally unavailable men has been your only given perspective of masculinity. They come off as more factual instead of emotional and put on a confident facade. 10 points if they’re very knowledgeable and smart. And then I’d also argue wanting things that are unrealistic when they need to understand what they NEED. If all I want are burgers from McDonald’s everyday when I should be needing healthier foods, does that mean I don’t know what I want to eat? No I just want something that can never be realistically healthy for me. People deep inside know they want a loving and supportive partner/husband. If you asked anyone what they want in someone, they’ll give you a list that’s genuine. So yeah being told I don’t know what I want doesn’t make sense to me. I just settled for someone I thought had what I was looking for and also made me realize the lack of confidence and boundaries I had for myself.",,26,Waxflower8,2023-04-03 17:53:55 RedPillWomen,12aq9mn,Need advice and maybe some friends,Thank you all for your advice,,5,[deleted],2023-04-03 16:52:29 RedPillWomen,12abn3f,What kind of shoes do you wear?,"I’m flat footed so heels are painful, but what about other daily options? With the weather getting warmer I think sandals?",,8,mcnuggg8,2023-04-03 06:23:50 RedPillWomen,1296l3c,What exactly is a Red Pill Woman?,"I have been enjoying this subreddit for some time now but I am still a bit unclear of what a Red Pill Woman encompasses. I like the relationship advice, the respect for our men (I love my husband), and the overall feminine qualities that many members here seem dedicated too. I would just love a little more insight.",,21,Living_the_dream87,2023-04-02 02:04:11 RedPillWomen,129jpo1,"Dating, Only F*ns and the Whatever podcast","[https://karijanz.substack.com/p/dating-only-fns-and-the-whatever](https://karijanz.substack.com/p/dating-only-fns-and-the-whatever) This is an article with embedded video examining today’s dating landscape, the proliferation of Only F\*ns and distrust/disrespect between the sexes. I pick apart the factors that have contributed to this trend, such as feminism, outcast men, online culture, dopamine manipulation and dating apps’ impact on women’s self-perceptions of desirability. Young Only Fans women cite feminism as the source and justification for their work/promiscuity. I discuss whether “fighting the patriarchy” has made things worse for all. Thoughts?",,1,TheDirtyRealist,2023-04-02 12:23:13 RedPillWomen,128a40s,Success so far with husband,"I’ve been working through the sidebar and I’m on chapter 5 of Fascinating Womanhood. I did the exercise with my husband for writing down ten masculine things I love about him. He absolutely loved it. When I showed him, he lit up so much and he kept saying we should do it more often. He said it really helped him. The rest of the day he kept bringing it up and telling me it made him so happy and he said he felt like he sucked at those things but he was so happy I thought otherwise. He thanked me for being so supportive and he has been so sweet all day. I’ve already noticed a change in him and his confidence, happiness, and his demeanor in general. I’m really trying to put in the work and I’m glad it is actually going somewhere. I’ve also been reading The Surrendered Wife and trying to implement that as well. I’m so happy I found this forum and I’m excited to keep learning and growing!",,88,50stradwife,2023-04-01 03:43:05 RedPillWomen,128ebbp,"What is day-to-day, concrete ways to show respect to your husband ?",,,20,LillithSanguinum,2023-04-01 07:08:16 RedPillWomen,128dkzs,body count issue,"how do you answer how many people you slept with? I messed up with my current bf and i told him the # & he included himself in that #. ended up coming out there was one guy that we hadn’t talked about. he said he didn’t care but was just mad i lied and i was upset bc i didn’t feel like i even had to tell and he was pressuring me so much to talk about it. but he put in his head that i lied to him and it became a big fight. now he is asking how many guys i’ve given bjs too. and saying stuff like “what else have you lied to me about” & “you just want to look innocent” etc. i’m really not a hoe, and have only slept with either bfs or a guy i had talked to for over a year, and each one was 2 years a part. i’m wondering if i actually have to answer the bj thing or how to answer it that doesn’t make it seem like i’m trying to hide or don’t want to talk about it bc it’s a high #. most of that happened before i knew about red pill and i live in a very liberal area so looking back on some of those experiences i realize i was trying to get validation or those guys didn’t really deserve that and feel gross about it now, even tho i didn’t do anything wrong. i have a low body count but i really don’t want to go over every guy i’ve done anything with. esp since he has hooked up with 5x as many people as me. how do i answer this?",,11,Sarahhartttt,2023-04-01 06:30:11 RedPillWomen,128dj8o,Can we socially enforce monogamy once more?,"So if you’ve been in the rp space long enough you’ll know that female promiscuity post the sexual revolution is the chief cause for the downfall of monogamy. But does anyone have hope we can bring it back?? Like reach the young women and wake them up? Women need to see into their futures and know that the men like those who the rp guys look up to (the Tates, F&F, etc.) will never be a wise choice and as women we can’t be operating like cavewomen simply going after the biggest and “best”. We have to utilize hypergamy wisely in our dual mating strategy- find an attractive, loving provider. Not someone who will alpha widow us and move on to the next and then brag about his ability to do so. We as women enable these men. We shape them. They do what they do to get us- as many of us as they think they can. They wouldn’t value us so little if we didn’t let them. If we had girl game and didn’t sleep with them then try to retain them which is so stupid on a woman’s part but so very common these days. And honestly if women were smarter when it came to mating society would be more stable- more two parent households, less bitter hurt men if women were faithful and reasonable in their expectations of them, etc. This isn’t about getting what women want at mens expense. Monogamy is an intelligent compromise that causes society to flourish. Ugh I guess I’m just ranting and hoping for some reassurance things aren’t just gonna keep going to hell.",,2,[deleted],2023-04-01 06:27:36 RedPillWomen,128784c,Thinking about starting a blog; suggestions?,"I’m thinking of starting a blog about mental health, relationships, and politics as it pertains to the RP lifestyle. Maybe even doing a small weekly advice column with specific scenarios. Reviewing books, etc /all for personal development; fun; etc. I understand blogs are a saturated market but I figure it’s a clean and enriching project that can’t hurt. Looking to get ideas of some niche or important ideas and topics from everybody!",,6,worldlysentiments,2023-04-01 01:36:28 RedPillWomen,127m9gs,Generosity. I don't understand where I'm going wrong ?,"Hi Been in relationship a few years we don't live together. In every relationship I have this problem where I'm very generous but the man isn't really. I'm generous with my time, affection, listening , I pay for my own taxi. He will sometimes pay my cab but I feel I can't just straight out ask for it. I don't want to across as money is important but I think it's more than when he pays a cab , I feel safer, worthy and taken care of provided for. I'm not sure how to go about having this conversation as we aren't married I'm not his wife. I feel I don't deserve it. I sometimes feel a bit resentful about this. I think I'm generous, I even take some small groceries for him sometimes if he needs something. I'm always thankful and say thank you for anything he does. I feel stuck how to go about this? Is it me being too generous? Any help or discussion would be lovely ! Thanks",,8,GlamGemini,2023-03-31 13:55:37 RedPillWomen,1276bh7,What draws the line between having Good Morals and Being Feminine?,"Hey, how are you girls (and guys) doing? I'm not sure if this is the right sub but since I'm talking about feminity I just thought why not? So anyways I want to ask, what draws the line between just being Kind and having good morals and being Feminine? I've seen alot of times in media where being nice and caring to others is a feminine trait but why is that? Is it like all feminine traits are kind but not all kind traits are feminine? Can you be feminine without being nice? Do you think traits such as being gentle and nurturing are masculine? I honestly just want to hear your opinion about it, I hope I don't sound like I'm venting or something like that.",,5,Vague_Poker,2023-03-31 01:49:06 RedPillWomen,1254l69,Single at 30 - how do I not freak out?,"I am a single 30 year old woman. I would like kids but realize my time is very limited. How do I not freak out about my age and relationship status? Even if I meet the right guy now, we would be years away from being able to have kids. If I waste any time with a man who turns out not to work out, I will likely be too late. This is all compounded by the fact that many men might view me as too old for a serious relationship now. How do I stop freaking out about this?",,49,[deleted],2023-03-28 22:27:59 RedPillWomen,124r8hx,Women Have Lost All Power And How They Can Get It Back,"[https://youtu.be/J2\_q5vFk6SA](https://youtu.be/J2_q5vFk6SA) This video describes the sad reality of the sexual liberation movement. It actually does more harm for women and disempowers them. Sexual revolution is better for the biology of men than it is for the biology of women in that women are harmed more than men are by it. The key for women was exclusivity and solidarity in encouraging marriage and fidelity, that in term gave them power over what was expected in the behaviour of men. Now men control terms more so than women in relationships and dating and of course marriage is optional.",,37,petitereddit,2023-03-28 14:53:33 RedPillWomen,12476l5,What do you do to keep your brain stimulated?,,,11,Vegetable_Poetry_531,2023-03-28 00:50:43 RedPillWomen,123jkwb,What are your hobbies?,I personally enjoy to read every day but I am looking to gain more hobbies,,9,Vegetable_Poetry_531,2023-03-27 11:06:00 RedPillWomen,1230j1n,Boyfriend won't give up porn unless i give up instagram,"I asked my boyfriend to stop watching porn as it makes me jealous and uncomfortable, he agreed but later told me he had watched again when i asked if he had, when confronted again with my wish for him to stop, he compared it to instagram and said he will only stop when i will stop using instagram, i somewhat see his point, the whole dm sliding makes him uncomfortable, on the other hand i get most of my dj bookings from that platform. He sais that if someone only books you because it is easy to do it via instagram, they dont really appreciate me after all. I kind of agree but feel irritated at how this conversation is going, maybe bec i cannot have my way.. How do you look at this?",,30,floravanderrohe,2023-03-26 21:35:38 RedPillWomen,122n3tk,A Conversation with My Mother,"So today is my mom's birthday and last night I went out with her and a few of her friends to celebrate. We ended the night with just the two of us sitting and chatting at a cozy little bar. We were talking about how fast time flies and she told me that she misses when my brother and I were little and how it feels like yesterday we were still in elementary school. This sparked a long discussion about motherhood and raising children and I will relay some of the things that she said that I think was important. She told me that, for her, being a mother was her top priority. She took us everywhere and always made sure that she was our primary caretaker. We never had a babysitter growing up because she always took us with her wherever she could. To her, when you have kids, they take over your life and focus. You have to think about them and make decisions that are in their best interest. Bring a mom becomes your #1 job outside of everything else. Being a wife becomes a close second and you must make sure your husband is aware of how important your kids are to you before they're even born. Enjoy your kids when they're little and rely on you. They'll grow up to be whoever you raised them to be, so make sure you take your time and savor every moment you have to raise them and spend time with them. Listen to your kids when they're young and they'll talk to you when they're older. No matter what your toddler is rambling about, listen actively and show interest in what they tell you. It encourages them to communicate with you and lets them know that you will always listen. Make sure your kids know how to behave in public settings. Teach them how to sit still and have manners. You will be able to enjoy taking them out with you and they will not be embarrassed to be in public. Kids need someone to show them how to interact with the world. Be their example and show them how to be polite to others. Watch how you speak around them, because they will mimic your actions and words. Kids can pick up a lot more than your realize. They'll know how you feel about them and it's a parent's job to make sure they know that they're loved and supported. My mom went to every sports game and play performance we were in. She said that it was part of her job. It didn't matter how much she didn't want to go, she went to support us as our mom. This is all the advice and knowledge she had to share. My mom is not perfect by any means, but she is definitely a great mother and I look up to her and how she raised us. I know this may not technically be overly red pill related, but I thought you all might find it interesting. So much of red pill is focused on men and women and relationships that I think that we forget to talk about how kids and family fits in. I thought that this conversation would be good to share here.",,64,lady_marm,2023-03-26 14:06:49 RedPillWomen,12364ff,"Pattern of dating/talking to military guys, hasn’t worked out, would appreciate advice!","Hello everybody! I feel like today’s question is kind of weird, but I’m going to ask it regardless. Thank you all for your time! My friends and I joke that my type is older, former military, conservative men, as that’s almost always who I wind up talking to or dating (although only have had one ex boyfriend). Part of that is my own taste, part of that is they’re the kind of guys who pursue me. I’m a bit flirty with everybody by nature, and they tend to be the ones to actively come after me. I’ve realized that my preference is because former military guys (at least the ones at my college) generally seem to be more resilient and capable, which are obviously very attractive qualities. I’m fully aware none of what I’m saying is anything unusual, I’m sure most women would agree that those are appealing traits. The problem is, this type hasn’t been working out for me. I always seem to have significant value differences from them; I would describe myself as socially liberal but personally traditional, and I’d prefer somebody relatively similar to me (moderate or slight conservative would be fine). So far I’ve come across guys who are very conservative, very religious, or both. How do I find a better match between my preferences and my values? I feel like so many of the guys my age at college are more immature, and I’m not as interested in them. Should I just work at seeing the positive traits in my peers? Should I try to be more willing to compromise if I have value differences? I feel like I’m struggling to find guys/peers I’m attracted to and want to follow, and that comes so much easier when they’re older and more confident (again, aware this is not exactly unusual), which in my area heavily overlaps with former military. Also, I swear I don’t have some kind of military fetish lol, I usually find out guys are military AFTER I start talking with them. For any context, I am 21F and go to college in California. (Edited bc typo, said my age is 20)",,6,Valuable_Place1265,2023-03-27 01:03:13 RedPillWomen,1233zc0,How do I (28F) reconnect with my now responsible ex (34M)?,"My ex and I dated when I was a teenager, but then things went wrong and we decided to be just friends. Well, in theory. Life went on and on and we always ended up together as friends with benefits, something I didn't want but I tried to convince him to be my boyfriend. He didn't have a job and was very irresponsible with his money. He was a NEET and a total mess. He always refused to have something serious with me, and so I continued with my life and dating other men. I even had open relationships, something that now I see is not my thing. I want a home, a family and to be a housewife, but all the men interested in me doesn't want to maintain me and want me to work too. That's not a lifestyle that I want anymore. I want to be a housewife. I consider myself a very attractive woman, looking younger than my actual age, 5'7"", average body with curves, blue eyes, and even when I had open relationships my bodycount is still below 10. But somehow the only men that show interest in me want only to have casual sex or an open relationship. My ex is now a man who is monogamous, with a stable job and single. Lately he's been hitting on me, but I can feel that he only wants casual sex. I'm interested in dating him as I see him as a potential husband with values that can be compatible with mine. The only problem is: how do I reconnect with him as a possible girlfriend and wife? How can I make myself look desirable for him but not only in a sexual way? Any recommendations?",,0,Inevitable-Target913,2023-03-26 23:39:42 RedPillWomen,121q0ev,"Word for belief that women and men have equal value, but not the same skill set?","I was talking with a friend about how I don't consider myself a feminist. She wanted to know what I do consider myself, and I couldn't come up with a word for it. What do you think?",,26,V3r1disqu0,2023-03-25 15:51:24 RedPillWomen,1223w50,Gender Dysphoria,Does anyone else here struggle with wanting to transition? How do you become more feminine and create a feminine identity in spite of it?,,4,[deleted],2023-03-25 23:51:44 RedPillWomen,121ikf4,Getting a plastic surgery,"Hey, it's me again. I guess I'm stuck with my looks on this journey to find my own womanhood. I feel that my appearance has too many masculine features. Like my nose, chin, eyes. When I try to act in a feminine way, I feel like it's very strange to me because I don't look cute or sweet. Also, since I have a genetic heritage, my eyes are hooded and I have eye bags, it gives me a very tired look, even if I put on make-up, I can't cover it up. I was recently considering getting surgery for my eyes and nose, but my family said they couldn't afford both so I have to choose one. I don't want to regret doing this, I want to know what you think about plastic surgery. If any of you have had it done, can you share your experiences? I also sometimes wonder if people don’t like me rn cause how I look in a romantic relationship, will their feelings be genuine after surgeries? Do I deserve to be loved only if I am beautiful? Sounds quite depressing to me. I'm afraid to project these feelings onto the people I will meet in future.",,13,Subject_Community995,2023-03-25 11:08:44 RedPillWomen,121jy9g,Red pill music???,"Hi everyone. I’m fairly new to the red pill community. I was introduced to it by someone I’m currently dating and ever since I’ve been trying to change everything I can that’s littering my brain with modern women ideologies etc. I’m big on music, I play an instrument as well as listen to music 80% of my day (soul r&b, alternative, soft pop/rock) my SO has expressed that some of the things I listen to do not at all promote red pill behavior, if anything, majority of it is either demeaning to men or putting women on certain pedestals because of their beauty, how much money they make, how independent they are and so on. I’m curious to know if anyone here listens to certain artists because of what they promote in their lyrics + music. If so, please share!",,1,crucifuxxxx,2023-03-25 12:09:15 RedPillWomen,120xh6t,Am I being sensitive?,"My (19F) boyfriend (22M) is awesome to be around, but his jokes now push boundaries and I dont know if i’m being sensitive. His humor is very crude and I cant take it anymore. For example, his eye was swollen shut only a few days ago due to allergies and told me “the doctor told me that looking at 20 naked women from this eye would solve it” or would replay polygamous or cheating lyrics over and over again. It’s annoying and a turn off. He actually just called and made another joke and said it’s to “get you riled up” and make me jealous. Am I being too sensitive? Edit: With school ive been a bit busy with replying to comments on here, but I have read them all. Thank you to everyone for your kind words and affirmations, I appreciate the feedback and love i’ve been getting🥺❤️",,15,hadyayasmin,2023-03-24 20:31:29 RedPillWomen,12199jt,How did you develop your personal style?,"Did you intentionally dress to send a message or just wear whatever was comfortable and flattering on you? I (21F) don’t have a particular aesthetic I’m trying to follow, but I want to fill my closet with simple investment pieces in solid, neutral colors for a sort of understated luxury vibe. Clearly nice but not flashy. Lately I’ve been living in loafers, turtlenecks, blazers, and straight-leg pants. I’d like to be more discerning about what I buy so I can collect high-quality, classic pieces that go with anything and last a long time. Although sometimes I worry this style ages me or makes me look stuffy compared to most of my female classmates who have a more casual, trendy, Y2K type aesthetic (lots of crop tops, sneakers, and baggy pants).",,2,Ok-Coat7665,2023-03-25 03:34:04 RedPillWomen,120vvbd,My take on RP and BP," They love to talk about the animal kingdom but fail to actually talk about the bonobo or how other predators work. It cherry picks, that’s what RP is. Let alone other cultures dynamics, especially ancient cultures. People who get sucked into this fake “trad” know nothing of our history just short of 100 years ago, they don’t even know what trad is. They use the Bible yet, never in context but in furthering shame worse than catholicism and with no contrition to boot. They say that we’re not naturally monogamous; only stupid men are monogamous yet several studies have shown that the higher the average intelligence, the higher the rate of monogamy. We pair bond for a reason, read that again. The more relationships you are in impairs pair bonding due to trauma; whether you’re the one inflicting it or experiencing it. Yet inflict trauma, don’t bond or love her you simp! Yet the romantic sex is the male. They can talk about how they hate damaged women and use these tactics & tests to keep a woman (obsessed instead of love, which obsession is fear/hate based where your nervous system is trying to protect you from betrayal and other dangers, tell me has anyone had positive obsession? No, it’s always a replay of events or words). Yet employ the damage that causes women to become this way, yet furthering their narrative that all women are evil (which to them it means human and traumatized even with previously securely attached women). TBH with these tactics it makes you more prey to BPD/NPD women who think that they are interested in playing the same trauma attachment god game which is benign next to who you could attract, which is the really evil psychopathic women who will see through this and heavily destroy them just for fucking around because it reeks of weakness of their own game of power or if they are truly blessed they will get a woman who sees them and wants to help heal them. The irony is that the men who fall for this shit, are the most damaged men. It’s all leftism infiltrating their agenda to divide us from ascending. Get a HV woman but devalue her! Don’t be slaves you imbeciles they say… be the enslaver to the “weak”! Who you are supposed to protect and serve. Their virtues are weaknesses! Women’s gifts are of the devil. (Not that some women don’t use these gifts for things, but that is such a low number but is increasing. The more this goes on the more it will increase.) Little do the men who practice this understand that they are using female mating tactics to the nth degree, not male mating tactics. I just read a couple of the rational male books and I’m on RP & exRP forums, the men in exRP talk about how the program ruined their lives and how it always felt wrong (because it’s against your biology and it’s abuse). How broken they were from it. Real men are benevolent, giving, protective, pursuers, grateful, create a safe space for their family, and problem solvers etc. Being a sahw and mother is a beautiful thing to the right man. Taking kindness for weakness is always evil. If you loved someone you wouldn’t exploit them you would teach them how to protect themselves AND protect them; as that is your job. Men give and women receive & multiply. Give a good wise woman money and she will make you more of it, a house and she will make you a home, love and she will help you achieve your purpose with confidence and wisdom, help her and you will be her respected hero, give her a wound and she will heal it, food and you will have a delicious meal, semen and you will have progeny…a woman will help you create a legacy. She offers her wise insight and compassionate warmth. We are not doormats, we are each others helpmeets. Men also have so much to offer women, but RP teaches them not to. They keep them boys. Maybe it helps physically as to body care and structure, but it keeps them in fear/shame loops. TL;DR: It’s the male equivalent of feminism. Misandry and misogyny. This is not the way and if anything it’s anti trad. Men and women are nothing without each other. We have what the other lacks. Without each other we can be the low vibrational sheep that they desire.",,3,Environmental_Lie561,2023-03-24 19:46:46 RedPillWomen,11zug8n,Giving This Up,"I (26f) went to a venue to support my (25m) boyfriend last night. It has gotten warmer recently where I live, so I thought to bring out my spring/summer closet. I chose to wear a short skirt and top. BIG MISTAKE! I felt so exposed the whole evening. Not wanting to dance too much for fear of someone seeing underneath my skirt. Even sitting down my skirt wasn't long enough to sit on (I know it's awful), so one wrong move and someone could get a peak. I expressed to my boyfriend how I'm giving up short skirts because I felt so uncomfortable. He liked this revelation I came to and said he likes it when I wear short skirts, but more in private when it's just us. I have to agree. It's amazing how much difference a year can make. Last year when I bought that skirt I was so excited because I thought it was so cute. Now that I've taken to dressing more modestly, it doesn't feel right at all. What's more, I saw a woman last night wearing a long dress and felt emotions about that. Not jealousy, just enlightened. She looked gorgeous and feminine yet still sexy! Even though she was covered from shoulder to ankle. I want to embody more of that style in my wardrobe. I've already bought 3 maxi skirts that I feel beautiful in. I think I'm moving in the right direction. Moral of the story: sexy ≠ exposed",,124,AmilliBee,2023-03-23 19:23:30 RedPillWomen,11za3xu,Am I a low value women? Would any man want to marry me?,"I desire a traditional relationship and would love to have a big family in the future. However, I am 19 and a single mother. Long story short, two weeks after my 18th birthday I got pregnant by a 26 year old man. He is no longer in the picture and I do not plan to have him in our lives as he turned out be abusive and just a really nasty person. Consuming red pill content and watching a lot of conservatives makes me feel worthless. Reading this sub and the other post another women made about being a single mother makes me believe that my value as a women has lowered. I was young and naive (I still am) and I don’t plan on dating for at least the next two years so I can focus on motherhood and myself. I tell myself who on earth wants to marry a 19 year old single mother? My parents were never married though I still talk to both and both are active in my life. I am Christian. I go to church. I try my best to be feminine. Is it possible for me to get married and have the life I desire? A part of me also feels angry because my ex had told me no one is going to want me now that I have a child. In a way I feel “trapped” by him even though I am not. I get so angry at myself for even allowing this to happen. And I did consider abortion but that was obviously out of the question. Am I really low value? Am I really worthless as a woman? I also watch a lot of Andrew Tate and that doesn’t really seem to help me either as it makes me so ashamed for having a child out of wedlock.",,59,ronchyroberta,2023-03-23 05:30:26 RedPillWomen,11zrd05,My Intake On Trad Wife Criticism,"First off I want to say some people’s concerns about women staying home while the man is the main breadwinner are very valid concerns because it is a very vulnerable position to be in and can whole heartedly be taken advantage of so I agree on the risk of financial codependency. But what I would argue is being a working woman will not protect you from abuse. I mean if anything, you’ll still have an income if you have to urgently leave the situation/divorce and there are things you can do to protect yourself. But this is not the topic I’m discussing. More so the assumption of there being abuse present in the relationship. Not the financial situation. I feel like that’s a separate discussion from the topic of wether or not there is abuse. If you’re with a man that you are for certain feel safe and comfortable with, then what is the problem? Women are still being abused or being cheated on. My dad was always loving and caring and he appreciated having a wife that stayed home. I can’t imagine nor have I seen him take advantage of her. If anything her being home gave her more power over the home but that’s a story for another day…. Idk if you want to feel safe being the homemaker, stay away from the Andrew Tate’s, Fresh & Fit’s and the Sneako’s lol. I’m not saying this is something simple to learn or understand so you avoid toxic relationships, some people are going to need more time to learn which people to avoid but it’s pretty ridiculous projecting patriarchy issues on a couple that’s probably happy and healthy when nobody is there to observe. And honestly some of us have a lot of weaknesses from past trauma that we haven’t healed from getting us into toxic situations. Sometimes we mistaken setting boundaries for being mean and super judgmental when we’re just doing ourselves a favor and protecting ourselves. Or maybe you always feel the need to fix people and their situations when that’s entirely up to the individual. Or maybe we struggle trying to please people so they’ll like and validate us. That’s why I’m getting into therapy so I can make better decisions when it comes to the people I associate or be vulnerable with. Just my thoughts, I’m still learning and observing on my mental health journey. Some of y’all might have better insight on this topic than I do. Have a lovely day ladies ✨💐",,5,Waxflower8,2023-03-23 17:32:39 RedPillWomen,11zk3y8,Should I wait to date or put myself out there now?,"Hello ladies. I'm 23 F and have never actually dated, been in any kind of relationship, or even been kissed. I want to find a good guy who also is interested in a trad lifestyle and wants a family. The problem is that I don't consider myself desirable and I don't think men do either. I'm fat, messy and unorganized, deal with quite a bit of depression & anxiety, and not self-reliant. I have a pretty face and a decent job, but that's all I really have going for myself. Whenever I think about dating, I tell myself to wait. Wait until I lose weight or wait until I go to therapy or wait until I've moved out (I still live with my parents). I've worked at each of those goals with very little/no success. I'm afraid that if I keep putting it off and waiting, it'll be too late. Last year, a close friend of mine got married. His wife reminds me of myself in that she also has conventionally unattractive traits, but was able to marry the right man for her. It kind of changed my perspective. What if I don't have to wait until I'm ""good enough"" to put myself out there? But then I wonder what men would find me attractive. Part of the reason I've never dated is because no guys have ever been interested enough in me. What if I put myself out there and find out I really am as undesirable as I thought? I guess I'm just asking if anyone else has experienced being unattractive and if you've found success in dating. Should I wait until I'm better or get a head start?",,6,lady_marm,2023-03-23 13:16:38 RedPillWomen,11zcuhy,Unsure to date or not,"Hello ladies, Im a 26 year old woman, 27 in Aug, single since December and I’ve moved to a new city. I went on 3 dates in Jan which weren’t so great, since then I decided to just spend time alone working on my hobbies/job and self. I would like to be a youngish mum and get married around 30. Do you think I’m a bit too old to having big single periods and actually now is the best time to be finding a husband? At the moment, I don’t feel ready for a man but equally I don’t want to waste my best years looks wise to attract a hubby! What’s your thoughts?",,2,[deleted],2023-03-23 07:43:39 RedPillWomen,11xxaia,Modesty & Vanity: How to balance those two in day to day life?,"Hi all! This question seems a little silly compared to all the other questions on here, but I've posted before and got great advice, so... hopefully you can help me with this! I'm in my early 20s, still living with my parents, and have a part time job while in college. It's a good gig and I can pay for my own personal expenses as well as helping out with bills around the house and when going out with family. One of my priorities has always been to look pretty and presentable - so I always save some money to buy new clothes (some from expensive brands, some thrifted, etc), makeup, hair products, nails, going to the salon, etc. I used to believe I practice some modesty, as I don't wear anything revealing or extremely short, nothing too sexy... but a date recently pointed out that I look a little vain because I'm always made up and also based on a comment I made (a joke that was basically 'now I gotta turn x thing in because my dresses aren't gonna get paid by themselves). At the same time, I feel that leaving all vanity behind may make my chances at dating a lot harder. I don't think the average male would guess the price of the clothes I wear, but assuming they do, eventually - do you all think most men would see a problem with expensive clothes? How do you practice modesty while at the same time not hurting your looks? Is some vanity really that bad? I'd love to hear from all you ladies, especially those who hold Christian/Catholic views! ❤️",,19,templilwitch,2023-03-21 22:33:42 RedPillWomen,11ytxli,Wall-friendly careers,"I (25F) still don't have a bachelor's degree even though I'm 25. I feel if I attempted to get one that too much time would pass (&I'd hit the wall), I wouldn't have enough money in the short term to improve my physical appearance (I need plastic surgery), and/or it would be in a field that wouldn't make enough money. I know that if I want a good quality husband I needed to have found him yesterday. But I'm dedicating this year to self-improvement and hopefully by the end of it I will be able to get him & start having kids. What stable middle class jobs are good to get into easily? Thanks!",,0,[deleted],2023-03-22 19:34:14 RedPillWomen,11xh3me,How to let it go when I think he's wrong.,"I'm not talking about big stuff. Obviously, if he's spending $1,000 on marbles, I'll say something. However, I have a conundrum when it comes to smaller stuff. I'm an opinionated person, as is my husband, and when we disagree, we ***disagree.*** We have worked to contain this over the years with relative success, however, I still disagree on small things whenever I think he's wrong. I don't know how to let this go. It's almost never worth arguing about in hindsight; things like why people do or don't get fired at my job. A lot of opinion based stuff. I just get caught up in the feeling that I *know* he's wrong, and it burns inside of me like I'll explode if I don't say something. How do I get over this hurdle?",,33,[deleted],2023-03-21 13:36:12 RedPillWomen,11x5ooi,Is it possible to be a RPW as a single mother?,"New here, but a big fan of the lifestyle and mindset. Reading a lot of the sidebar stuff and the posts by other redditors here has really got me thinking about my previous relationships and “almost” relationships and how I attract a certain caliber of man based off of who I am as a female and where I am at in life. I would like to attract better, HVM, and I know that that starts with me working on myself and becoming someone of high value as well. As a single mother, is it possible to attract a HVM that is okay/open with my situation?",,4,modernn-girll,2023-03-21 03:36:26 RedPillWomen,11wquxo,Would living in a van be seen as a red flag by good men?,"Hi, so, I'm 28 and I've been contemplating for a long time buying a van and living in it with my cat. I'm very RP aware and in in both my previous relationships have followed the concepts discussed in this sub. At this point in my life I'm basically looking to get married and start a family with a good guy who has the same strong family values (good husband, father, respects gender roles, respects me). I basically want to do everything possible to attract a good man and this even includes deciding whether or not to live in a van. I don't want to adopt a lifestyle that could put good men off and/or attract the wrong sorts of men. There are numerous reasons as to why I want to live in a van: - I am a low income earner (writer and consultant, trying currently to increase income but it will take time) and despite my best efforts I am priced out of the housing market (have been refused by banks) so I figured getting a van and making it a nice home would be an option for me. Otherwise I have to live in shitty living situations as per next point - I'm sick of living in unsafe neighbourhoods with high crime rates in concrete jungles OR having to live with my parents. These are all I can afford at this point. I'd rather live more in nature in beautiful places. - My home town is very small and the dating market is very limited here. I'm putting finding a good guy as a high priority for me right now and want to maximise my chances to find someone loving and respectable. - I have family all over the country and I'd like to spend more time visiting them (I have very strong family values and am close with my family) - I work 100% remotely so don't need to be tied to any specific place - I've lived in a van before for a few months and loved it! - I have a granny flat at my parents house to come back to if I need a break from the road but dating is hard in my home town as above and I won't have much luck due to very small population. I'm not some random hippy woman for clarification with a free spirit and all that. I wish I was but it's just not me! I'm well educated, great cook, don't drink/smoke/do drugs, look after my fitness and my body, well presented, low n count, don't sleep around, don't party, kind, caring, have integrity blah blah blah. I'm almost boring! Not really the nomad type that you'd usually find living in a van really. Lol. I plan to stay in different places for a few months at a time too because I work a fair bit and I don't want to be constantly driving. I do like some predictability and stability in my life and appreciate my routine. If I met someone I would be willing to stay longer in one place to give it a good go. As I said meeting a good guy is my priority. I'm just wondering, after all I've said, would living in a van be a red flag for a HVM? There are so many reasons I'm contemplating this lifestyle, but I don't want it to put off a potential good match for me. I wonder if I could just not mention it to people until I know they won't judge me with preconceived ideas about who I am? Although I don't want a guy to think I've been misleading and he can't trust me either. What to do?",,18,wasuphomieG,2023-03-20 18:25:18 RedPillWomen,11wcsm6,"how to date to marry, and be a wife material?","I was scrolling through my instagram feed and saw that a guy I've been talking to a year ago and that was ""not ready for anything serious"" just got engaged to a girl that's a year younger than me and I'm 22 so it hit me that maybe I'm doing something wrong. I'm still a college student but so is the other girl, she is very pretty and so am I, we are vert close in age, we live in the same city, so it's not the way I look or my age or anything but maybe it's my personality and the way I act. Im very bubbly, blunt and even child like and when talking to guys I don't hold back. You can find me fangirling about an artist I like, or a book I read, sending tiktoks I find funny, always laughing and joking, maybe that's why no guy took me seriously. I also find myself attracted and attracting guys that are more on the younger side (22-25) that maybe not really into commitment and even when I talk to a guy that looks serious, I either get bored or he ghosts me. I know I have a lot to work on but please tell me from where do I start. I want to know how to attract and be attracted to the right guys and date with purpose, how to make them take you seriously, how to be a wife material?",,51,tr1shylol,2023-03-20 08:18:52 RedPillWomen,11wnu7b,Goal Is to travel somewhere every month: how to look like a high value woman while travelling and ensuring my own safety?,"I’m tired of waiting for my friends to travel so I’m going to go ahead and do it on my own. That being said, I want to make sure I stay acting and looking feminine. I’m also hyper-aware of my surroundings and don’t want to stand out and be a target. Any tips? On how to travel and look put together. How to stay in the down-low. And how to stay feminine throughout solo traveling",,11,[deleted],2023-03-20 16:40:20 RedPillWomen,11wc7zt,advice please?,"hi ladies, i need some relationship advice, basically my boyfriend doesn’t feel deserving… of anything, because he’s “not successful”, i worry i feed into this giving him the idea that if he wants to be my boyfriend, he most be successful and become wealthy, he says i deserve the best and i truly appreciate this but it’s not necessary for me. i do come from a well off family and i do have some frivolous things and i know this feeds into his thoughts ( but i buy all of my designer second hand or through very exhausting thrifting i enjoy, and imho it’s more fun to me) i love him and i support him and it makes me beyond proud that he wants to work so hard for himself and i truly believe he’ll reach the stars someday if that’s what he wants!, but i don’t want to pressure him or add any type of anxieties to him on this matter. he said it makes him feel worst when im affectionate and sweet to him and do things for him because he just feels like he doesn’t deserve any of it, like he doesn’t deserve me. it makes me super sad and it breaks my heart because he is the greatest and i love him and i honestly would give him the universe if it was a possibility, it’s not, so i give him my (me) universe instead. i notice he worries “my patience” will run out and i will leave him, which is genuinely not true, i believe in him dearly. i don’t want to approach this in a “it doesn’t matter if you can’t” way because 1) he can and he will and 2) he’ll take it as in “you can’t do it” way because i know him and he’ll think i don’t believe in him. but like i said, i do i just wish he didn’t worry so much about it and felt so pressured, i think it’s more of a self esteem issue but still, i just want him well and happy :(",,9,cluelessgirl111,2023-03-20 07:45:24 RedPillWomen,11w9a7h,My (25F) boyfriend (25M) isn't very verbally affectionate and it bitters me toward him,"I'm really hoping you ladies could provide some advice for this situation. I've done what the first step/right thing to do is and I had an honest conversation with him a couple months ago where I told him how important it is to me. The first time it was brought up a while ago, he cried because he felt bad. He said he didnt want me to be feeling this way all because he could have said some stuff. I know it wasn't fake because he's a rather quiet crier and genuinely doesn't want to bother me. He is sensitive and cried a lot for a while when we first got together, and in recent times it's died down. Then a couple of months ago when I noticed things weren't changing and we had that conversation, it was the first time he went as far as to say that he would bring something up if he thought of it. It really hasn't happened much, so much so that if he has brought some things up I wouldn't remember them. I do express my need for compliments often, and he never gets mad but he rather either doesn't answer much or will say he'll try to more/when something comes up that he thinks of it. Some things I want to do to tackle the situation are exalt my traits about myself that I know he does like. The biggest thing that comes to mind is my hair. He loves my hair, so I want to take extra care of my hair when I'm working again and can afford all the fancy hair stuff. Another angle I think about taking is just trying to give him an all-around better relationship and see if maybe the happiness factor in the relationship amplifies, and maybe he will compliment me more? Is that naive, like hoping on his potential? We admittedly have argued a bit, but even when we're having a really, really good time in the relationship for a bit, I still don't receive compliments. The thing is, when I think about making him happier and doing all of this good stuff for him, I get really happy and excited to be an amazing girlfriend and bring him peace and joy. This can go on for quite a while with me being elated and not a bitter bone in my body toward it/him. But then when I start actually doing those things, I get hit with this feeling of bitterness that makes me want to sabotage the relationship and breaks my heart, I feel a bit empty and can't believe that only my second relationship and at my age and the man I may end up spending my life with forever doesn't compliment me and I can't imagine dying like that. I feel pissed and angered at God if he so exists, because he knew he made me ugly and I always thought that I would strike it amazing later in life with a great man who worships the ground I walk on because of it, like I deserve to finally experience full, thorough love and appreciation for who I am. I'm admittedly not a very attractive woman and while I do/still want to do more to work on my looks, I know I am genetically not all that. Because of this I have had a complete lack of male attention and validation my whole life, I never dated, I never got flirted with or hit on, and I don't relate to a lot of common girl things like being hit on or having men be willing to spend on you or travel distances for you. So I was hoping I'd get that in my relationship, I feel destined to have princess treatment lv reassurance with who I end up with, because of like karma I guess, though I don't really think of it that way consciously. He knows this and he knows about how my looks have effected me and hasn't even said he's sorry that I had to go through that, though he is shy so that could just be that, but I don't want to be naive about it either, and it gives off that he just doesn't want to have hard conversations, or that there's nothing he can do about it. Because really, what can he do about the fact that I've lived like this, or that I'm not super pretty? We both know it's not like he can just airbend reality. I also know I'm not his type. He's into asses and that's legitimately his only criteria, which I find a bit cringe 🤭 but I try to be open-minded, and to each their own. It just hurts because I have absolutely ZERO booty, I mean zilch, to the point where I've been made fun of growing up for having a chalkboard or pancake ass. I've asked him if there's any way I could ever possibly become his type and he did his usual thing he does when there's not a good answer for something, which is get quiet and try to avoid hurting my feelings and try to avoid lying at the same time :/ I told him that the compliments don't have to be physical, but that I would still appreciate him complimenting me on SOMETHING physical if there is anything at all, even anything incredibly, super small, so that way I don't have to feel gross about taking a pity compliment, and can still see that he appreciates micro things about my looks. But nothing has come up. I know he likes my hair because he mentioned it once within the first few months of us dating, and that's about it. I wish he would compliment my hair if it looked extra good or he was extra appreciating it one day, but he hasn't. I often wonder if he really likes my hair or he just said that to pacify me. I have thought about the fact that maybe I should just accept who he is, and that he's not verbally affectionate and that's just that, and try to rest in knowing that I know he cares for me and shows up for me in the relationship. He's a great man, helps me with everything, my family likes him, and is the nicest soul. We talked about love languages before when I brought it up during one of these times, and I know words and physical touch are near the bottom for him. He knows physical touch is number 3 for me and words is actually last, but he knows that I have all of the love languages, and need a lot of both. Even though words is low priority for him, I am still hurt that as a boyfriend he doesn't care to try to express his care for me in MY love language, just because it's not his. That's an anti-love language to me. I'm also very physically affectionate and he isn't much of an initiator to that type of thing but is pretty receptive to it when I initiate, especially when it's non-sexual. He knows that while physical touch is number 3 for me, it feels like my need for that is so burstingly high, that it basically feels like it could be a number one for me, that's just how much I need of all 5, especially my top 3. Even though words is my #5, I still feel like I'm in *such* a deficit of them that it's just heartbreaking and isn't normal and wouldn't be well-received by ANYONE to have this much. Have I done everything I can, is there hope here outside of me having to just giddy up to accept it? (I also am INCREDIBLY verbally affectionate toward him, like shower-him-in-compliments-every-two-seconds, and while this isn't his love language, I feel it should be endearing to him that I am this adamant about how much I like him and praise him, that the favor should naturally be returned if he has any level of interest in me at all :/ so I feel it's a 'such is life for the less genetically blessed' thing inevitably again)",,6,amandas_stickysitchy,2023-03-20 05:08:23 RedPillWomen,11vpp3x,Need some advice,"Can someone give me some resources to read/watch (YouTube preferred) which would give me some tips on how to be more feminine. I work full time in a high demand job and we have 2 young kids. I'm finding it hard to embrace my femininity when I feel so burnt out some days. I'm a great cook. I've been putting more energy into keeping our house clean. My husband has commented he likes how I'm decorating our house (as we continue to settle in, just moved here in october). I'm trying to respect his budget as he designs it. But like when it comes to me as a person, I'm losing weight and trying to dress more feminine and act more feminine but that'd where I feel I'm falling short. Any advice appreciated!",,15,mascarasmixers,2023-03-19 16:26:57 RedPillWomen,11w21fu,Am I just a root and boot?,"I'm 20F, He's 38M. So I ended up seeing a guy I've known for years a few nights ago and it all went well but I only went to his house. After it he asked me to stay/spend the night. I had to go as I had an appointment the next morning. He then messaged me ""it was good seeing you don't forget the pill"", kinda felt iffyas he didn't in that moment ask for a round 2. He told me he is going on a trip in 2 weeks so I messaged him last night asking if we could see eachother before he leaves and his exact words were ""I'll see it's going to be hard as I just got a new job and I'm going to be working a lot before I leave"". Apart from all this, he has been heart reacting things I've been posting but we just haven't spoken about seeing eachother again. Thoughts? Tia",,0,rockkkxox,2023-03-19 23:53:38 RedPillWomen,11vhza4,Actions that convey I like you when dating your boyfriend,My boyfriend of seven months recently conveyed to me I am a friendly but private person and it’s hard for him to know how I feel about him. It’s obvious I enjoy spending time with him since I keep accepting his date invitations but he wants a little more from me because I’m a little bit of a mystery to him. Ladies what are concrete actions you took when in the relationship to let your boyfriend know you like him and maybe also helped you get the ring 😁?,,10,chrissycash,2023-03-19 10:40:04 RedPillWomen,11v81mj,I feel like I don’t deserve a life like this,"I’ve always wanted to be a stay at home wife. The thought of taking care of a home and family has always been appealing to me. But currently and most of my life, I struggle with maintaining a neat space, always feel burned out or depressed bc of not being happy with where my life is and neurological problems I’ve struggled with all my life and I’m kind of lazy because of that. It’s like I never had a moment in my life where I felt the energy or in the mood to care. At first in adulthood, I had no job giving me very little opportunities to experience the things I wanted to do, no driver’s license and have a social life. I was dealing with a lot of insecurities so I always felt depressed and didn’t feel like doing anything. Then at age 23 (I’m 24 going on 25 now) I finally get a job (at a restaurant) and it’s expanded my life experiences and social life. But now I’m constantly reserving my energy and time for a job I’m not very good at all because I get so burnt out from it and only stay because I don’t know where else to go. Plus I rarely get a break because of how busy our store gets and the lack of staff we get everyday. I feel that because of my laziness and forgetting to prioritize certain things I don’t deserve the life I want. I am working on it but I have my moments where I’m not going anywhere no matter how hard I try to prioritize. It’s like I’ll forget everything once I clock out of work. I am trying to start my own baking business so hopefully I start something I can finally have peace in. I’m scared I’ll find myself stressed out again and grow to hate my passions. I try so hard to visualize the type of woman I want to be to keep up and make important things a priority. I feel like a zombie just trying to get by. Everyday is all about work and scrolling on my phone to cope. I use to really be into creating art. Even though then I didn’t put much in because of my emotional and mental state, it’s decreased over time. I still do hobbies but it takes me like weeks or months to want to or remember to do it. I also have some neurological complications. I forget things easily and make clumsy decisions. I never mean to and it comes off as irresponsible or careless to others. I’ve had a learning disability especially in language and it makes it difficult to process certain things. I feel like all of this makes me come off as stupid. I don’t show much confidence because I just assume I don’t really know what I’m doing or will mess up and look or sound stupid. I’m also struggling practice driving. Idk how long it will take me till I’m ready. I always feel like I disassociate a lot, I’m always in my head and easily get distracted. Perhaps I may look attractive but I don’t feel attractive internally. I just want to be normal and prioritize my life. I just want to feel beautiful. I feel like a lazy and highly emotional child who deserves little respect.",,18,Waxflower8,2023-03-19 02:00:01 RedPillWomen,11tbkrl,"My husband hit on a 19 year old when he was 39, makes me feel uneasy. F25 with M42."," I am 25 and my partner is 42. We are turning 26 and 43 this spring/summer. We have been together since I was 20 and he was 37, so it is gonna be 6 years this summer. I had a child when I met him, he didn’t, and now we have one more together. I am not thinking much about the age gap in everyday life and I am not dependent on him and I don’t feel like there big power difference. Our relationship is far from perfect, actually it has been quite bumpy and we had a break in 2019. But I am quite insecure and uneasy because of the following: His past before me; I know when he was 28 he had a 18 year old girlfriend. In his early 30s his girlfriends were in their 20s. Around 35 his girlfriend was 26. He only had one girlfriend who was his age/older than him with 6 years but it seems he wasn’t really in love. When we had a break, were broken up or what we were I know he went out at a night club and met some girls. I saw a text later. One was a 19 year old girl but she never replied him, at this time he was 39. It has been some years ago and I am starting to overthink it again. I don’t know what happend with her. I also don’t like that he went for a teenager. I also feel worse about it when all his partners and myself included were that young. I feel insecure now because I am getting older myself, turning 26 next month, and I feel that my worth is in my age and my looks. Mostly he is a very chill guy. Doesn’t go out or do much. Should I get over it, continue to obsess and re evaluate or anything I can do to get over it?",,11,Sasssssssss1,2023-03-17 00:25:55 RedPillWomen,11sc1jr,"I'm now with a gamer, and I want to find feminine video games I can play solo, or cooperative ones we can play together (non-competitive!)","I would like to get acquainted with gaming so that I know some stuff, and I eventually wanted to do it for myself anyways and just had in mind that it's a far-future priority, because hello, bigger fish to fry! Now that I'm with a gamer it makes a little more sense to prioritize more, and some of the video games I've seen him play look really cute to me, like Pokemon, Subnautica, & dragon quest builders. I know stardew valley and animal crossing are touted a lot, but I am just NOT a fan of the whole farm arc thing, I can't even believe it's still going on since farmville. I know I'll get around to those, but on my own time. &#x200B; Some of my taste: There is that Nordic mythology game I've seen at Gamestop countless times and haven't purchased yet, only because for whatever reason, funds seem to be short whenever we go to gamestop LOL, so I'm always like ugh do I need a video game with my last $20... but yes, the Nordic & Norse mythology games look so fun! He/we now have a Ps4, Ps5, switch, and you have a 3DS. There was this fashion/style game I looooved playing on my DS around the time they came out as a big thing, but a fashion game would have to be really good to woo me. I really love anything with beautiful graphics, if I can meditate to it or with it on, it's a winner. I by default tend to cling to ""real nerd"" or geeky games... meaning, I don't find any interest in masculine games (except MAYBE elder scrolls and kingdom hearts if that counts as masculine? I haven't played, just somewhat interested), but I looove classic games such as checkers. I'm definitely going to re-purchase the 50 Classic Games and 100 Classic Games DS game I had well over a decade ago that is now away with another family member. I saw this doctor game in game stop I had interest in which I'm still laughing about because I've never been interested in being a doctor or a nurse LOL, but it looked like it might be hit or miss. I used to play Rilakkuma solitaire when I was 12 years old on my iphone before the developer stopped creating it. I loooved Doodle God and amazing breaker, too. I also liked where's my water. I do intend to buy sanrio games, but I played a bit of one before that I found to be absolute garbage, it may have been the seasons one or the big city dreams (or both?) I have a similiar thing with Kirby. I played a kirby game once a long time ago that I can't remember which kirby it is, but it sure as heck wasn't epic yarn, I did noot like epic yarn lolol. I do play sonic on my phone from time to time, and I've started to play Crash bandicoot again since being with the bf. All in all though I haven't done any more than crash every once in a blue moon since we've been together, because I feel guilt over using his stuff. Any advice for that is also welcome. He's been telling me for many months now I'm free to use them, I just feel bad using the one thing he has to himself besides him being into anime. I feel like a cutesy interior design game might be fun with really big houses and semi-realistic? I'm really not going to genre discriminate, I just want to find superb quality in any topic/category of game Edit: I have an attention span issue and I knew I was forgetting the most important part!!! Glad I remembered it two second later now and I can edit: I would LOVE to find some collaborate games we can co-op that don't force me into a lot of masculine energy and vice versa. We both could use tuning up with our collaborative skills as kinda neither one of us wear the pants right now :/ I would like a game where we can bond and really develop ourselves and our relationship It can obviously be competitive as in us against the game, us against NPCs, us against other random players, but not us against each other! It's us vs them",,25,ichillonforums,2023-03-15 22:48:02 RedPillWomen,11sl9au,"Potentially marry a man with a baby mama/ex-wife, co-parents together","I'm (30F) in a relationship with someone (38M) who co-parents a 3.5 year old child. I am thinking about a long-term relationship with him (I would like to get married with the option to have my own children, he is open to that). Through the text and phone interactions I have seen him have with his ex-wife (F 39) about their co-parenting, it is evident that she is not very kind to him. They were together for almost 20 years. I feel like she still controls him like he is still her partner and he doesn't do anything to change that. I have spoken to him about my concerns before, and he's replied with (1) she isn't going to change; and (2) you'll never have to deal with baby mama drama. They've been separated for 1.5 years and he has dated other people since their separation, before he met me. He has been to couples therapy with her to try to save their marriage. He has also done a lot of reading and reflecting about what he can give and what he wants in a relationship. I also feel uncomfortable that they've chosen to have a child together despite their poor relationship. I feel like he hasn't put thought into how his ex-wife will affect his future (long-term relationship/marriage partner). Basically, her hostility irritates him, and seeing him be upset by her in turn upsets me. This asides, I really enjoy my time with him and he loves and accepts me for who I am. Anyone have opinions/advice/tips on how to navigate this? Is it possible to work together to find a solution for a good life together, or are we doomed?",,1,Evening_Coffee_2607,2023-03-16 05:32:09 RedPillWomen,11rbhau,Book Recommendation: How To Walk In High Heels by Camilla Morton,"This post is for anyone who wants a guide to the basics of life. I recommended it earlier and realised it would be perfect book for so many people who post similar questions. Some of the advice is tongue and cheek. It doesn’t go into a lot of depth - but it can help you realise there’s something you need to learn and you can start Googling. There are also a host of contributions from celebs who are experts in their areas and who have expertise in their field (eg Stella McCartney on how to talk to your tailor). It’s also not 100% feminine but it’s basic life skills so, sure, some of the advice is on how to do traditionally masculine things (like how to change a fuse), but it’s still important to know because men may not always be around. The book covers a host of topics. I’ll set out the sections and some of the things you’ll find in that section (but not all, that’ll take me all day and night) - How To Greet Your Public: grooming and style - like how to pluck your eyebrows, do your nails, style your hair, cope with a bad hair day. Style: shoes, hats, clothes, the works. Your public profile: good manners, bedside manner, dinner table etiquette, how to love art, how to talk politics, play games, host a dinner party (including easy but chic recipes), pick up dog poop, take care of yourself when you have the flu… - Tackling your Technophobia: sure, some of this outdated. But it also includes gems like _how to compile your own soundtrack_ by Jade Jagger and _how to take a good photo) by Gisele Bundchen. - Homes & Gardens: basic handyman skills like painting, changing a lightbulb, assemble flat pack furniture, cleaning list (things to do once a day, week, a month, year), sewing, darning socks, gardening, knitting, make curtain, decorate a Christmas tree… - Joining the Jet Set: packing, preventing jet lag, picking where to go, hotel bookings, how to sleep while travelling, reading a map, changing a tyre, learning to drive… PS I know it’s old (00s), but my mum bought it for me in high school and I still think a lot of it applies. Bits that are dated can still be applied to today (like all the things I mentioned above). And sorry for typos!",,27,jenna_grows,2023-03-14 16:51:13 RedPillWomen,11r3wav,He's terrible at driving?,"Reading Laura Doyle's ""The Surrendered Wife"". She talks about relinquishing control of shared duties. I don't live with my bf so we have virtually no shared duties, but he's expressed interest in driving my car. However I have had a license and a car for 6 years. I know how to do most maintenance for my car. He hasn't driven since he got his license, and he has no car. The two times he drove my car he got into minor accidents. It's not that he drives too quickly or has no consideration of others, rather, he drives far below the speed limit and is quite a dreamer so he doesn't notice some surroundings. What should I do? My current idea is to slowly 'create' shared responsibilities to hand to him, such as caring for my dog when I can't be home, or step by step planning a shared future. When I was a new driver I got into a few minor accidents myself. I would prefer he gets his own car at first, but he seemed offended when I expressed this.",,18,flower_power_g1rl,2023-03-14 11:43:13 RedPillWomen,11q6v9x,Reading the Queens Code. What if it doesn't work?,"Hi I'm reading the queen's code, really enjoying it. It is fascinating . On the 5 words to use, what if it doesn't work? How can I go about it ? I think I'm a bit scared if I try and get discouraged if my partner doesn't notice or register the words like in the book. Any examples how to use the words? Thank you :)",,8,GlamGemini,2023-03-13 11:16:00 RedPillWomen,11pybva,Where/ how did you find your partner?,,,27,[deleted],2023-03-13 03:04:37 RedPillWomen,11pqmwg,Feeling inadequate around rich and educated (future) in-laws.,"Hi all, Lately, I (late 20s-f) have been having trouble feeling adequate around my future in laws and sometimes at times my own boyfriend. My boyfriend (together 2 years) is from a very well-to-do family. They have lots of money and always have. They are also very, very well educated and have multiple degrees and shiny careers. All of their extended family, friends and other associates are also of the upper class and they are well connected. They have dinner parties with doctors, professors, CEO's of banks, these types of people. I don't have much money myself and would consider myself lower class. Actually, I've struggled a lot with money and it is something that constantly stresses me out. I'm in a low paying job. I also grew up quite poor and my parents struggled alot financially and we had to do without sometimes. My parents weren't well connected either. I do have a degree so have tried to get educated myself although it hasn't worked out too well as my job pays poorly but still working on that... I'm the first one in my whole family to pursue higher education, neither of my parents even finished school. I just feel really out of place with my boyfriend's family and sometimes I feel like trash :( They've never said anything and they are really lovely people. Sometimes I see them giving money to homeless people and my mother in law does volunteering to help people who aren't very well off. I think these things show that they really are very generous and don't look down on others. My boyfriend reassures me that he does not care that I don't have money and I grew up without much... but I just know that I'm not the same as them because tbh many of the struggles that I've had they can't even comprehend. In the not so distant past I'd be the type of person they might hire to do their cleaning for example. Has anyone been in this situation?",,41,itburnsss45,2023-03-12 21:37:01 RedPillWomen,11p8mqm,An anecdote about femininity while having a masculine job - it’s genuinely possible.,"A question I often see posted on this sub is about whether you can be feminine while having a job that isn’t feminine, what’s a feminine job, etc. I often comment and say it’s possible but i am sharing this story because I have something concrete now. I was at my friend’s birthday yesterday. My husband and I didn’t really know her group of friends, and her boyfriend didn’t know them well either so he ended up sitting with us mainly. I’m a lawyer, as is my friend - but I litigate (hardcore) and she does commercial work (softer). When her boyfriend realised I was a litigator, he was genuinely shocked. He said he’s never read people this wrong before. He specifically said that it was because I was “so feminine”. He was genuinely having a moment trying to reconcile how someone with my persona can do the job I do. So yea. It’s entirely possible to be feminine while doing a masculine job. It also possible to do that job well - I’m head of department. And I hope that this helps anyone feeling conflicted today x",,65,jenna_grows,2023-03-12 07:38:29 RedPillWomen,11piqfb,Relationship advice?,I have gotten into a relationship a few months ago. We are only teens as i turn 17 this summer and he turns 18 in september. He is very into this red pill thing and i’ve recently tried to adjust to this lifestyle. I am not changing as a person completely since i’ve aways liked the traditional way of being in a relationship. My question is just if he is taking it too far? I go to the gym a couple times a week to maintain a healthy body since i’ve been very overweigt (i’ve lost over 40 pounds since last year) and is now at a healthy weigt that i would like to maintain. But he says i shouldn’t go to the gym since it’s masculine. He doesn’t want me to talk to guys which is fair but I’m barely allowed to answer a text from a classmate or someone from work without him getting kinda mad or make sassy comments. Is this normal? And if so how should I respond when people ask why i suddenly have them blocked or don’t answer them?,,9,[deleted],2023-03-12 16:29:34 RedPillWomen,11ol47l,Support = Success!,"Hello ladies! I want to share a really sweet moment I had with my boyfriend recently. He’s been talking about getting into a new hobby for a while, and decided to go to a specialty store for it yesterday. He invited me along, and of course I said yes. This is *not* a female-friendly hobby at all, to the point where the other customers in the store seemed a little surprised at my presence, haha. But I wandered around with him, asked questions of the store clerk and made conversation with the other customers. I wasn’t pretending or anything - I was just legitimately interested in learning more about this hobby that my boyfriend wants to get into, because I love and care about him. We spent over an hour in the store, and when we got in the car my boyfriend started emphatically telling me how much he loves me, and how much it meant that I was there to support him. And not only was I not expressing boredom, I was actively interested! He repeated how much he loved me a bunch of times, and it was really sweet and genuine. For me, showing up to support him wasn’t a burden at all, but I could tell how much it meant to him. Moral of the story is, let’s support our men and show interest in the things they love!",,58,river_tam2x2,2023-03-11 14:09:39 RedPillWomen,11og7i0,"What can the girl, for whom RedPillWomen's advice is not working, do?","I will be 30 this year. I found the RedPill and RedPillWomen a few years ago, but I have always been a fan of traditonal gender roles and believer in femininity. So a lot of things came to me naturally. But there were never any results whatsover. I am slim, wear makeup, dress femininely. I do all the things from the ""Female Beauty is Highly Controllable List"" and I personally think I look kinda cute. I am also sunny, sweet, kind and very optimistic person in real life. I'm a good cook and have many feminine interests. I do all the thing that are stated here as ""just do it and you'd have a boyfriend in no time!"" I have never have a boyfriend. I has never been on a date. That makes me feel I am the freak and the ugliest girl in the world. Yes, the girl. I don't feel like a woman. A woman is someone sexual, who elicit man's desire. I don't even have any male friend and male colleagues don't chat with me like they do with pretty coworkers. I am starting to get depressed because of all these. Last year, my mum and I went on a trip to a different city. And my mum was approached by a guy there. My mum looks young and good for a woman in her sixties and the guy was old and fat, but it nearly brought me to tears. I think even my mum sensed it since she kept saying: ""The guy approached you, but you hadn't reacted and I had, so he started talking to me"". But it wasn't like that. I spent the whole trip being jealous with my mum and disgusted with myself that I was jealous of attention of and old and probably creepy man. I'd date any man who would invite me and was from my city (of 2 millions). I'd anything. I'm petriefied to notice that I start to get extremelly jealous and hateful of beautiful women. Why they have everything while I have nothing? Why is it so unfair? I don't want to be like this. I don't want to be jaded and bitter! But I'm at my wits' end. I don't know what else I can do. Do you have any advise for someone for whom RedPill techniques are not working? Please, what can I do?",,37,_red_poppy_,2023-03-11 09:51:37 RedPillWomen,11ojcig,Need advice on how to maintain a friendship," So I have this friend who's really sweet and absolutely gorgeous. We met summer of last year while both being trainees at a pharmacy store. We used to chat about everything, shared personal things about eachother, just spending a wonderful time everday over a couple of months. We're also in the same major, so we still hang out sometimes in uni. At first she used to always invite me to spend some time with her, then she of course would go up to her friends and I'd have to talk to them as well. The problem is that I already know most of her close friends and I haven't been treated in the best way possible by a couple of them. They didn't bully me necessarily, but have acted in dismissive/ passive-aggressive ways whenever I was with her. They would constantly interrupt, act like they didn't hear me, make tone-deaf comments whenever I share something personal or that I'm struggling with. It also doesn't help that she's an absolute 10/10 in terms of looks and her friends are also very attractive, one of them was married recently and talking to her is more difficult that walking on eggshells. &#x200B; The worst part is when I started liking one her platonic male friends, at first she was very encouraging when I told her I had a crush on him, she went out of her way to talk to him about his relationship status and whether he was open to dating. She didn't want to disclose any personal things he told her, but she advised me not to pursue. Being the idiot that I am, I proceeded anyways. He of course had to reject me in the meanest most immature way possible (Everyone told me he was the nicest guy ever, turns out he wasn't). He still hangs out with her at times, and I really want to avoid him at all costs. &#x200B; I wish I could directly communicate all of this to her, but Idk how well she's going to take it. All of the people I mentioned are her close friends and she's obviously going to be defensive and not understand. She's been nothing but nice to me, and I don't want to seem ungrateful. Besides I like hanging out with her when it's just her and I.",,7,SilverKnightLife,2023-03-11 12:46:19 RedPillWomen,11nw4j6,Being a woman vs being a girl,"Ladies of RPW, when did you make the switch from being a “girl” to being a “woman”? I feel like that shift in self-definition is a complex topic these days. I’m 21, and frankly I feel like I’d call myself as a girl if pressed, not a woman. Is there some sort of event or mindset that defines that switch? I suppose it’s similar to the distinction between a boy and a man, you can have adult males who are still “boys.”",,26,Valuable_Place1265,2023-03-10 18:03:02 RedPillWomen,11nqqzf,What is a good career option for someone wanting to be a SAHM in the future?,,,19,Miserable-Kale-8909,2023-03-10 14:31:52 RedPillWomen,11n9dp4,How important is it for you to have a partner who has high vetting criteria?,"Would you be okay if your SO admits that he wouldn’t have minded dating someone with lower SMV/RMV than you (ie. high n count, no cooking skills, less feminine etc), but he checks most of your boxes of what you want in a partner?",,13,EnvironmentalAct8009,2023-03-10 00:39:08 RedPillWomen,11mv5kh,Should red pill women be on dating apps?,"I do a lot of fun activities with my friends every week - including those where I can find high-value men such as going to hotel bars, showrooms, skiing etc. I’m just having such a tough time finding men or being approached by one. I’m the only single one in my social circles so it’s getting lonely now that I can’t spend as much time with them anymore. I also have been focusing on myself for YEARS that I know I’m ready for a relationship now. I just don’t know where to go to find one.",,22,[deleted],2023-03-09 15:31:46 RedPillWomen,11n1m7g,Relationship and dominance,"How much of a dominant should a man be in a relationship (LDR, serious commitment so far)?",,2,curiouslearner34,2023-03-09 19:42:12 RedPillWomen,11mjy6b,Is it time to throw in the towel?,"Hi!! I posted a while back!! Things haven’t really improved. 3 couples therapists later, I’m convinced he’s higher on the narcissistic scale than I’m comfortable with. Over the past 6 months I’ve found out that he has cheated with at the very least 3 women (those were in the beg - I don’t believe that it was limited to that however he says it was). He lies constantly. Plays games in order to illicit a response or negative emotion in me. He is verbally abusive, has always been. He lacks any type of compassion for anyone - even his own children. He is financially irresponsible - I’ve borrowed him money more months than I haven’t. There is so so much. The problem, we have a nearly 3 year old together. He is a big reason why I’ve stayed. But he is now mimicking his father when his father yells at me - he will stand right next to him and do the same. This was enough for me. I’m use to him doing it to me, but he will NOT teach my son it’s okay to. It didn’t even phase him that he was doing it. Whats prompting me to write this post… well I’ve found my voice over the past year. I’ve also realized a lot of concerning behaviors. Because of this I’ve had an eyes wide open experience as to his motives and his attics during arguments. I can’t unsee what I know believe to be true about him - that he may very well have npd or something along those lines. Nothing is okay or right about any of this. I will give two of the more recent experiences that have concerned me. I understand i am explaining it from my perspective, But Please tell me if I could be misreading or misinterpreting due to my bias and resentments. 1. He will not allow for any boundaries to be created in reference to our interactions. Our current therapist, has instructed us to park anything that is negative until she can get us to a place of stabilization. He refuses to have any other type of interaction with me. It’s either his way - or he’ll just treat me like I’ve hurt him so deeply by doing this. Like I don’t care about how he feels. When I refuse to respond and draw a line, even while still try to explain and reassure him that I’m not going to continue to engage in that conversation as directed by our therapist because i love him. He has gone as far as leaving work.. and finding me while I’m in my car eating lunch at a local fast food place. I didn’t let him into my car and told him to go back to work. Honestly that’s the first time I drew that hard of a line and he surprised and scared me that the length he’d go to to make me talk to him. To control the situation. 2. Yesterday - I had a one on one session with my therapist. He was worked up prior, afraid I was going to leave him after and that she would confirm my decisions to. He was angry when I walked in. I was getting texts prior to even walking in about my wearabouts, my session ran a bit over- maybe 10 mins maxI was her last one - as she was a bit concerned over his anger and control issues. She wanted to explore the options of a safe space while trying to figure out if this is what I wanted. ), and he accused me of trying to take my time coming home. Before I went he had told me he was going to a poker night - he never does things like that. I came home he was dressed and ready to go out. He kept accusing me of lying about the reason for me being now more than 15 mins after he expected to be home. Long story short, I kept telling him to leave and stop fighting with me. For some reason he ended up saying “I’m going and I hope there are girls there” I immediately told him I needed to hear no more, I’m done. I took of the ring and he told me if I’m serious make it fb official. So childish. I played though. Because honestly, I think I am. I don’t care if anyone knows, he does though. He of course backpeddled some. Disclosed he was never going to poker night. At some point I told him that I didn’t want a ring from a man like him that only chooses to instill insecurity into my heart. Since, the only thing he is concerned about is me not wearing the ring and my status (which I made private anyways). He has went so far as to tell me he is going to go sell the ring to a pawn shop “because he can’t have it just sitting there not being used. Not something that has so much meaning behind it for him” he knows how I feel about it. 1. That would be finically idiotic. He would get Pennie’s on the dollar for it. Another extreme decision rooted in manipulation is how I see it. He didnt sell it. But he sure tried and tried to get me to put it back on by trying to convince he he was going to. He even came home told me he did. Told me his mom and sister said he should. I asked him if he told them the whole story. He confirmed. I said - let’s just see and before I couldn’t even grab my phone. He said I didn’t sell it or talk to them. I said who then. Eventually he said no one. I said so “ you lied? About all of that? Made it all up” he reaction was to mock me. …. I’m miserable. I feel like crawling out of my own skin. I don’t even know that that makes sense. Everything feels chaotic. I don’t even know why I’m writing… honestly, I’m frozen in fear to move any which way.",,15,C_Marie1983,2023-03-09 05:35:05 RedPillWomen,11mcdji,"What is the best way to know whether you will be okay to be part of a blended family? (Me F 30, BF M 38)","Me (F 30) has a boyfriend (M 38) with an ex-wife (F 39; they were together for almost 20yrs) who he co-parents a 4-yr old son with. BF and I have been together for several months and get along very well. I do really like him and I know he loves me too. I knew about his marriage/family situation from the very beginning and he is open to marriage again and more kids. Because I am looking for a forever-relationship, I do tend to think ahead and I am worried that a blended family isn't something that I want. I am not sure if I am okay with having a husband who will always be tied to his ex-wife because they have a child together. I haven't met the child yet and don't intend to unless we get more serious (but we are quite serious about each other already). I have talked to him about these concerns and he has re-assured me that his interactions with his child's mother is limited to parenting. I trust him on that one and there is great trust between us. I have read a lot about these situations and many people warn about not getting into such situations. I have never been married and don't have my own children. Is it more wise to not get myself in this relationship for life",,2,Evening_Coffee_2607,2023-03-08 23:48:18 RedPillWomen,11lesr8,"I'm all about compromising in a relationship, but I couldn't handle this one. Should have I done more?","So I would be happy to receive advice and opinions from mainly men but I'm also glad to see women's opinion about this. I left my long distance relationship around 8 months ago but I still feel a little bit guilty and I would like to see if the feelings I have are rational or instilled in me through conditioning. From the get-go, I tried to be a good girlfriend and be understanding of him and his requirements. I realized he felt a little bit insecure about himself and I tried to help him relax and trust me. As I said before, I wanted to make changes for him to help him trust me. So I didn't mind putting my social media in private and filtering the people that he felt uncomfortable with from my followings and followers. I left there family, friends and ex classmates. He also made me erase my ex male classmates. I felt a little bit upset about it but I wanted to make him trust me so I didn't say anything. Then even if my profile was private he started criticizing my old pictures. I want to point out that I never post revealing pictures: I don't have pictures of me in bikini, the pictures I have are me in different places generally with elegant or beautiful outfits. I do like skirts (not too short, but normal summer skirts) or tops that may show one inch of belly. I never wear those crop tops that seem like a bikini. I don't feel comfortable in them. So very soon he started getting angry at my clothes too. I have a body that has curves and anything I put on seemed too form fitting for him. I have a dress that is literally orange and I don't consider revealing at all but he said that it was super fitting and that the color was too bright and it seemed that was trying to attract people's attention. I'm going to leave the picture of that dress here so you can assess it on your own. I started changing my outfits for him. I accepted not wearing any type of top that would show even the slightest inch of belly. However he then started getting mad if my back was visible. There are certain tops that show a little bit your back. I remember sitting on my bed and crying mid July because he made me put on a jacket on top of the top I was wearing because it was too tight for him. It was literally my size. It was a normal top, my size, no cleavage, no belly, nothing. When it seemed that the outfit issue was already left behind he started panicking that I wanted to go to the gym. During the year I had been studying my master's degree and the stress of my studies and the relationship made me put on a little bit of weight. So I just wanted to go to the gym and lose the weight and shape my body, I was feeling too insecure about myself. That was a big drama for him. A complete no. I tried to reason with him and I told him I would wear the type of clothing he preferred and that I would send updates from there if he wanted. I even offered being on a call with him while being there and exercising so he could feel at peace. That was the last drop that made me leave, because I realized he took for granted all the sacrifices I made for him up until then. I also want to point out I have no male friends. I don't go clubbing. I didn't even go to pubs. I stopped seeing my female friends for fear that they would be sitting with other men. But even the slightest interaction with any male would set him off. He felt even threatened by the plumber who had to come and fix my toilet. He told me not to stay in the same place where he worked, but I had to be there to answer questions about the problems my WC had. After two years, I left over the gym request, but it was already a pile of things that had accumulated in me. It was also the fact that no matter what I did he never trusted me. I was always getting accusations of cheating. The fact that my phone got muted for a second was a reason for him to tell me I was cheating. If I sent him a picture of update of where I am he would say that my nails have a different polish (that wasn't true, my nails were the same, but he had terrible paranoid thoughts). My integrity was continuously questioned. I kept in contact with him 24/7, and he was still accusing me. He even wanted to fall asleep with me on the phone and if I hung up the phone when he was already asleep, he would wake up and start interrogating me why I hung up the phone. He even argued with me for wanting to do a PhD or work teaching at the University (I'm a teacher), saying there were too many young men there. The slightest thing would set him off and I would get bombarded with accusations. All I can say is that I tried to be an understanding girlfriend, yet I'm left feeling I could have done more. He found someone new in two days, each time I tried to leave he would hit his own face and threaten suicide so it delayed the moment I left permanently. He then rubbed the new girl in my face saying she was much more loving than I was, and that he loved her. I wasn't an inflexible girlfriend. I know a lot of people say ""don't change your behaviour for a partner"", but I did. I didn't mind doing it as long as I could earn his trust. But each time I changed something, he complained about something else. I want to understand if I did something wrong. In the two year long distance I never cheated on him. Never flirted with other men. I didn't even know when we would see each other, but I didn't leave my options open, I let everyone know that I had a boyfriend. But it seemed not to be enough for him. Was I reasonable for leaving this? He blamed me, said I hadn't been patient enough, that the new girl was reaping the benefits of his changes since he wasn't controlling anymore, he called me unloving and uncooperative so many times when I tried to put my foot down (let's say, if I didn't want to erase one ex classmate from my social media who I hadn't even talked to for ages). I'm really at a loss about what a proper relationship seems to be at this point. I tried to change for the sake of the relationship and I was still trashed at the end of it.",,8,Brilliant_Ad_5604,2023-03-07 23:12:13 RedPillWomen,11l582h,How to move forward in this situation,"Hi ladies! I’ve (33 American female) been dating my boyfriend (47 Japanese male) for seven months now. We met on Tinder and Hinge. He asked me out and we’ve been dating every since. At the end of every date he asks for the next one the following weekend. He asked to be exclusive at one month but I agreed to it at the second month and a month later we were intimate. He pays for all date, gives gifts just because, and is very generous during special occasions. During month four we had a serious conversation about deal breakers. He said his (being disrespectful and sloppiness) mine were not wanting marriage, kids, and belief in God. We’re both divorced and I wanted to make sure I’m not wasting my time at thirty-three years old. He said if the relationship is moving well he is open to marriage, three kids, and converting. Fast forward two months going on three and the relationship is still going strong but I haven’t met his friends/family. I don’t know his timeline and whether marriage is still in the cards for us. I’m coming up on a apartment lease renewal soon (April / May) so I feel like it might be more appropriate to discuss the future then but I’m not sure how to phrase it. I don’t want to give an ultimatum. Please advise and thank you so much in advance!",,16,chrissycash,2023-03-07 17:18:55 RedPillWomen,11lbqzr,Questioning my femininity,"Today my (19F) boyfriend (22M) came over, and my period was extremely heavy and painful. He came over yesterday too, I had a hoodie and sweats on due to the same issue. Today, I had a hoodie and a pair of loose boxers on because the pain is unbearable. When things escalated today, he wasn’t turned on and admitted that my outfit today was unattractive. I feel horrible, I wish I wore something else but the pain was so unbearable that I needed something loose and comfy. I also had my hair care treatment in too, so it was a relaxation day. He told me that he understood and that it’s okay because I always dress nice and he understands, but I feel so bad. My room was messy too, just disorganized, since I've been busy with exams and battling depression so i havent been able to get on it. I just feel so horrible, like my femininity was ripped out of me. He was understanding and kind about it, but hearing that I turned him off today makes me feel horrible. How do I redeem myself? I just feel like I disappointed him and ruined my image of always being well kept and feminine. What should I do?",,9,hadyayasmin,2023-03-07 21:20:33 RedPillWomen,11l1yyw,Giving back in feminine ways while dating?,"Hi! It's my first post here and it's not about me really, but my sister. She doesn't read this forum, but I have told her a lot about redpill and she fully supports and likes these ideas. She recently started dating a man who seems traditional and it's going really well. I have been advising my sister to receive and appreciate nice things he does, but I'm not sure how can a woman ""give back"" in a feminine way? She has been baking things, but we are a bit out of ideas... So, please give us some advice :)",,26,SnooHedgehogs7759,2023-03-07 15:15:57 RedPillWomen,11l8ufw,Husband was upfront with me but I didn’t realize it… now I have questions,"Hi all, married 10 years with lots of ups & downs. After a big argument and me struggling with depression/anxiety/caregiver strain we have not had the best sex life. He told me well then there’s jerkmate at least there someone might want to look at me. I was clueless to what he was talking about he said it’s an app. He’s someone who makes straight face jokes all the time I had no idea this was a real app and thought he was takin the piss. Texting today he asked if I’d like to be intimate or should he use his app tonight. I said ,” wait… that’s real?” I told him I kind of felt sick to my stomach finding out that’s real & now he’s saying well I was upfront w you & you didn’t say no so I thought you were ok with it. Then that started down a rabbit hole of him blaming me for having to use that… I said I’m allowed to have grossed out feelings without you blaming me for them & he agreed but again this is all my fault in his eyes. Honestly idk how to feel I know it’s not physical “cheating “ in fact I even saw a thread about this from a couple years ago but in this case it all came down to a misunderstanding and I’m unsure how I even feel about it except a little sick to my stomach. How to move forward with this information?",,8,Remarkable_Click_636,2023-03-07 19:34:07 RedPillWomen,11kvqr6,Looking for dating app bio feedback,"Hey ladies (and lurking men too please lol) I’m getting back on the dating scene and need feedback/advice for my dating profile bio. Only in the last 6 months I’ve discovered and embraced my RP self so I’m not sure if I’m being too forward with anything. I haven’t posted this in other subs as I’m scared I’ll get eaten alive 😂 I’m a humble and goofy gal who outside of work, study and gym, spends a lot of free time with family and friends. I also appreciate time to myself to listen to music, paint, cook or watch some YouTube. My favourite qualities of myself are that I’m caring, loving and extremely loyal. I’d also consider myself an optimist. Beyond those qualities, I’d say I’m pretty traditional. I’d thrive in a male-lead relationship, so someone confident with an inclination to lead is essential. In saying this controversial(ish) statement, Andrew Tate is definitely not what I’m after haha. It’s definitely some yucky-in-love wholesome marriage between two great teammates 😎 Important qualities I look for in a potential partner is family devotion, high work/life drive, and being down to earth. A love for the outdoors and adventure is a great bonus!",,10,Unusual_Marzipan887,2023-03-07 10:35:13 RedPillWomen,11klrlg,Dealing with jealousy - boyfriend looking at women he knows on IG,"My boyfriend and I have been dating for only 2 months, official for 1 and initiated by him. We are the same age, in our late twenties. So far he has not shown any signs of disloyalty, he treats me well. He’s very masculine and I’m very attracted to him (as are other women, I can tell). He isn’t secretive with his phone, he’s told me his passcode. The other day we were looking up a venue on Instagram on his phone, and I noticed his search history had been cleared except for one search, a woman. He had to respell the name but I could tell he hesitated to delete it probably because I’d see the woman’s pic and handle again when the search field was blank. I didn’t say anything or react in any way. I made a mental note of her handle (I know…) and looked her up later - I realized she’s engaged to his friend and possibly friends with him too. She’s gorgeous and looks nothing like me. Later on he was searching on IG and I noticed he had deleted his search history again. It felt like he really didn’t want me to see who he’s searching so my instinct tells me that looking her up wasn’t out of innocent curiosity but sexually driven. I’ve never expressed any jealousy, anything to motivate him to hide things. It does not feel good to know that he’s seeking out beautiful women he knows on IG. If she was some random stranger, it would also not feel great but I could handle it. I feel nauseous at the thought of him lusting after his female friends/friends’ girlfriends/fiancées/wives. And doing who knows what to their pictures. I know I’m making assumptions but he is a man. I don’t know what to do…it really hurts. I know he’s attracted to me physically and mentally/emotionally but it’s hard to feel like I’m physically enough for him after this. And if my assumptions are correct, that would cross a boundary for me, but at the same time I know I don’t get to tell him who he can and can’t…you know…to. Is this just something I have to accept men do? I’m afraid of bringing it up and having him think I’m insecure, controlling, etc. or causing him to hide things further. I don’t feel he would straight up lie to me but then again, I’ve know I’ve known him for two months and I’m still discovering if his actions match up with what his character appears to be. I’ve read the posts about how men are visual and about jealousy and forbidden fruit. Is the best course of action to appear unfazed by things like this and just move on? Edit: I’m hoping to hear from other women rather than men.",,26,throwawayyy6426,2023-03-07 02:02:56 RedPillWomen,11kjoo8,How do you show your standards in a feminine way?,"Hello, so I go out in bars at night, I know it's not the place to find a potential husband but I do enjoy getting the attention and getting hit on from the men I like, deep down there is a part of me that hopes that I can maybe find someone whom I can make him want to do more for me and pursue me. Usually I find a guy and there is strong mutual attraction. So the guy, still polite and respectful, obviously sometimes tries to go further by asking me to go to his place for example but I don't want to do anything physical, no kissing, no hooking up either (it's my rule to self preserve and not just jump on any guy I meet) My question is how do I show him that I don't just hook up with strangers while at the same time telling him that it's doesn't mean that I am not attracted to him. Whithout also sounding too stiff with rules if I say, I don't kiss or sleep with strangers. Thank you.",,12,lostbabygorl007,2023-03-07 00:37:28 RedPillWomen,11k08fh,did they replace the subreddit “askTRP” after it got banned?,,,10,[deleted],2023-03-06 14:22:49 RedPillWomen,11jipwy,Husband getting insecure in relationship ?,"We have been together for three years, I’ve been embracing my feminine side and trying to be a better woman for my man. Showing more appreciation, compliments, showing how thankful I am for him,letting him know I’m still very attracted to him. But he told me he thinks I cheated on him, His ex girlfriend cheated on him many times and would be super sweet after she did it, so I understand the worry. What should I do from here?",,18,mcnuggg8,2023-03-06 00:18:05 RedPillWomen,11j8zqm,How does your man support you emotionally?,"I’m just curious if I’m missing something. If I’m having a bad day or if I’m tired, mine reads that as he shouldn’t talk to me and completely ignore me. No phones calls, no check-ins, nothing until I’m in a better place and reach out to him. Is this what masculine men just do?",,28,Forsaken-Savings4370,2023-03-05 19:25:32 RedPillWomen,11jdq7v,youtuber suggestion,"I just wanna say, I highly suggest watching Jasmyne Theodora , she's really wonderful and truly femenine",,13,MundaneIndication779,2023-03-05 21:03:12 RedPillWomen,11ivza9,Field report: femininity classes,"Hi, all. Yesterday, my husband basically asked if I was doing something different because I am on fire (in his eyes). For months, I have been focusing on feminine sport (dance, mostly) and meeting with someone who specializes in “embracing your feminine energy”. As I have written in previous posts, I have trouble switching between executive, mother, and wife. I have felt our relationship deepen for me with these efforts and this was the biggest reinforcement I’ve received from him. Details: when I first started, I posted about how much I liked these classes. The instructor doesn’t have many clients so sharing her contact could dox me. I will tell you her qualifications because I am certain this is a thing everyone can find. She is a licensed therapist, tantric practitioner, and feminist. Adding the feminist part in because I think we come full circle more often than not.",,41,SecretFeminine,2023-03-05 12:28:13 RedPillWomen,11jey4f,Just need reassurance about a small thing,"So as research to get better at honing my femininity, I've LONG wanted to start writing down what I see other people, especially women, and especially the best dressed women, at every place I go. Grocery store, library, you nake it. So I'm sitting here at the laundromat and I'm like, okay I wanna open up my Google keep and just finally start. I feel a little sociopathic and creepy, and I'm always scared that if I do it, esp at a very public place like grocery store, that they're going to catch me on camera writing down other people's possessions and I'll be interrogated like I'm a thief 😂😂 I know that's so melodramatic but.. I just need encouragement that this isn't sociopathic/stalkerish/weird. Growing up I was never really taught how to put outfits together, dress for the weather, wear suiting garments to an occasion. I know little errand-running trips are ""small"", but I think trying to play up my femininity in little arenas of life really add up and can help boost confidence and have more confidence and morale with how j hold myself and walk through life. I thought it would be cool to recognize patterns in what people wear, gain outfit inspo, and see common trends in femininity throughout the years. I feel EXTRA creepy because I don't really have an end date in mind for this, even if it gets redundant over the years it could still be valuable research",,5,ichillonforums,2023-03-05 21:47:52 RedPillWomen,11h1ufi,Banned from subreddit,I’ve seen a few post in RPW about being banned from simple daily life subs (i.e r/hair) just from being in this one. It’s baffling but also hysterical that it happened to me. I was banned from r/entrepreneurship from being in this one lol.,,54,Mission_Honeydew_597,2023-03-03 14:15:56 RedPillWomen,11gyb0z,How to support grieving men?,"Hello ladies! (Posting from my alt for privacy.) How do we support our men when they are grieving? My boyfriend just lost a grandparent who he was close with. He’s been handling it well outwardly, and it’s important to him to maintain strength. I’ve given him space, cooked him his favorite meals, and have been trying to anticipate his needs. I’m here for him if he wants to talk, but I won’t pressure him into talking about his feelings. I feel like there’s more I can be doing, and I also want to avoid making him feel weak by “over-caring.” What are your thoughts? Also, I’m feeling lonely during this time. I haven’t expressed it because it feels very selfish, but I miss spending time together and having intimate moments (not just sex, but I miss that too). It’s not been that long, so I’m not worried yet. But it is sometimes hard to maintain a positive mindset - any advice or words of encouragement there are also appreciated. Thank you all!",,36,grapejuiceexpert,2023-03-03 11:25:59 RedPillWomen,11h5uao,How can I look/ feel more feminine with shorter hair?,"So I had my hair cut about a month ago. I did it because my hair started to look really thin even though it barely reached below my bust-line. It just looked unhealthy overall especially after I had it chemically straightened. My hair now is shoulder-length, and I feel like I don't look as feminine anymore especially when I wear it straight. It doesn't help that my kibbe type leans more towards soft-natural rather than gamine type. I'm thinking of bringing my natural hair texture back and stop using a straightener, but I really can't afford using 10 products just so that it doesn't look frizzy. I really want to start liking my new haircut and not feel crappy whenever I step outside. Any advice?",,11,SilverKnightLife,2023-03-03 17:01:24 RedPillWomen,11h1k6b,Looking for resources on the “Divine Feminine” or similar ideas,"I am well versed in the red pill ideas through the lens of Christianity, but I would love to explore a different lens. I have seen reference to a “divine feminine” ideology but I don’t really know how to seek that out. I’d love recommendations for podcasts, books, social media accounts to follow, etc. so I can explore these ideas!",,8,LindenBlossoms,2023-03-03 14:03:07 RedPillWomen,11gaoyj,my little feminine fashion element,"I don't really have a constant feminine style when I go out, but whenever I go a bit more tomboy, I try to add a little smth to help maintain my feminine energy. Having a pair of baggy jeans on and a simple short-sleeved tee. my little feminine contribution was a bow to my bun lol! Might sound real bad and kinda dumb but believe me when I say I could see people liked it 😇 However, I decided to go without it to my class, even tho my crush worked in the same place. I just felt it might be a bit too exhibitionistic 😫 now I'm regretting it since it was the last session I got to go there 😔",,10,mmahomm,2023-03-02 18:57:13 RedPillWomen,11fx1as,I literally cannot stand not living in my feminine energy,"It’s becoming more clear the harder I work the more successful I am this makes me more competitive and argumentative and fighting everything. It’s not for me. I don’t want it. There is no such thing as equality, men are different to women. I’m sick of being told otherwise. I’m sick of the expectations to continue earning high 6 figures, independently support myself, essentially do a man’s job; then also flip a switch and become a devoted wife with all the traits required. It’s not possible unless I have that support. Edit: I have communicated that to my partner and I am lucky enough to have his full support. I know stepping away from high stress fight or flight will help. We’ve lived in different cities and I’m moving to him to live together in 2 weeks :)",,72,Zdena_Rose,2023-03-02 08:03:18 RedPillWomen,11fx5bc,My husband is a catch. I want to learn how to overcome my flaws and nurture our relationship / him better.,"Hey there RPW community! Long time lurker. So let me give you guys a background: I’ve had a troubled past with multiple failed relationships, some men who straight up took advantage of me, my fair use of drugs and alcohol in my teens and some antidepressants in my early 20s. Cut to today. I am married to this wonderful man. We have a 15 month old daughter together who is absolutely gorgeous. We have tripled our income since we had her. I’ve started my own content marketing agency, I exercise regularly and I am now fitter than my pre pregnancy self. I no longer drink or smoke. Not even occasionally. My husband is a regular drinker and needs 2-3 drinks at the end of the night. He is extremely loving and adores me to the core. Like he always wants to spoil me and shower me with love. I don’t think I’ve seen any other husband love a wife so much tbh. As someone with an anxious attachment I often find that my feelings of love are appealed to when he is being aloof or distant. I also have had a rough past so did not completely believe him initially when he told me he loved me. Now I know that he does. And while I love him too, I am just unable to match his level of affection and adoration towards me. I sometimes wish I had met him before all the strings of bad relationships so I could feel just as giddy for him as I did for my first shitty high school boyfriend. He brings a lot to the table. He’s hard working, very conscientious, very responsible and truly seems himself as the provider and protector of our family. Earlier I was skeptical of us building the life I want but as we’ve been together I’ve only seen our financial trajectory go up. Since I started my business (I’m very entrepreneurial and know how to get clients / sell my services) he’s been helping me as well. He pays all the bills and hates taking any money from me. Although right now I make as much as him. What’s holding me back is my own negative thoughts. That I am not as loving as other women perhaps. Sometimes I hate that I’ve lost that child in me that feels head over heels in love. I am moody and often feel sad. My husband hates seeing this and thinks I don’t love him. Which is not the case at all. I just want to know how I can work on my negative thought patterns, make him feel loved, reconcile with the fact that maybe I am not the 18 year old I used to be and can love in other ways…. I want to master my mood, be kinder to myself and learn to (show) love again! DMs open",,23,Pale-Kale4105,2023-03-02 08:09:43 RedPillWomen,11f9j8a,embarrassed to say that I left the man I was trying to build a future with,"So I realized I didn't vet him right as I could have but this hurts a lot. Found out that he was sexting transgender women and seems to have a preference for them which broke my heart. He told me he wanted to monogamy and marriage with me but turned around and told me he wasn't sure what he wanted, after 2 years. We were happy together and we're genuine best friends. I'm low-key embarrassed because I use to write on here to be a better woman for us, to be healthy for us, communicate better, etc and all it did was hurt me. I never saw this coming honestly but I have to move on I guess. I will still apply everything I've learned from here for a better relationship but mostly for a better me. I realize he never deserved my kindness",,83,kokoremu,2023-03-01 17:22:03 RedPillWomen,11fzoiw,I need long distance dating advice 😓,"Hey lovely ladies, I’m going to keep this concise :) I’m kind of money tight at the moment and the guy I’ve been dating long-distance (4.5 months) is asking me to fly and see him in 2 weeks. When we started dating, we both thought that he will move to my city this month and we could take things more seriously between us then. But his circumstances changed and he will probably move in the next couple years. This has led us both to question whether it’s worth us to still strive for a relationship together or whether we should just wait until he moves up. (Currently we are monogamous, but not official). Essentially I’m worried that I’ll spend the $150 for plane tickets and a week later we’ll end things. Are these thoughts worth sharing with him? I’m leaning towards still going, but I would love to know your opinions. Would you go given all the future uncertainties and potential waste of money that I could’ve put towards my upcoming botox appointment? Hahaha BTW it is ‘my turn’ to fly to him.",,3,Unusual_Marzipan887,2023-03-02 10:41:28 RedPillWomen,11fjv0s,Finding the right man has been a very frustrating journey …,"Hi all, I’m here to vent and seek some advice 🥺 I posted here last year discussing now I felt so invisible and how no decent men were approaching me despite being extremely proactive. Well you all had great advice and I did see an improvement on my dating life shortly after. However the issue I’m having now is that either these men turn out to be not so serious and more sexually motivated or just seem to lose interest. It’s make me feel so down, like I’m unable to inspire a good man to commitment. How will I ever get to marriage? I’m 32 now, and I do have big aspirations. I’m seeking a traditionally minded man who is ambitious and successful, and age appropriate. And I have managed to date these types over the last year but nothing is sticking. Currently I’m crushing on a guy who lives in another country. We’ve met a few times but he isn’t making any major moves to start a serious relationship (I’m happy to relocate but he hasn’t bought it up). I know I need to have some more options lined up if that doesn’t work out. So I don’t know if I’m coming across as desperate or boring or what. Any tips would be appreciated, and also your personal experiences of dating/marrying powerful men. And thank you for reading my rant! 🙏🏾😘",,5,Independent-Hall4929,2023-03-01 22:13:24 RedPillWomen,11fscut,How many of each category of clothing items should/do you have?,"I grew up without a lot and I don't even know what's normal now. How many formal tops/bottoms, professional tops/bottoms, leisure/lounge tops/bottoms or plain ol' errand running tops/bottoms, tank tops, dresses, shorts, skirts, blazers, sweatshirts, hoodies, jackets, coats, windbreakers, different types of heels, shoes for running errands, shoes for lounging, shoes for casual events or get togethers, shoes for semi-formal occasions, shoes for formal occasions, shoes for work, gym shoes for the gym, shoes for any extracirriculars you do (wanna get back into soccer as an adult for ex. how many cleats), how many sandals, outfits and shoes for work events or going out with friends, nice shoes for dates, dresses, skirts, shorts, bras, sports bras, specific # of different types of bras, panties, lingerie, swimwear, hats scarves gloves, jewellery, etc etc etc Anything you can think of. And when I say sweatshirts and hoodies, I literally mean how much of each and not using them interchangeably, same with jackets & coats, and pants and trousers and jeans, all separate. How many pairs of workout pants or leggings, workout tank tops for the gym, sundresses or things to wear around the house, how many pajamas, how much more luxurious sleepwear (so like how many traditional pajamas, think comfy and cozy, vs how many 'sleepwear' items that are probably more silky or border on lingerie.. and then lingerie being a whole separate entity), how many bath robes, slippers, etc. I have no clue what is normal or what is suggested for a woman.",,2,ichillonforums,2023-03-02 04:04:16 RedPillWomen,11f2mqr,Embracing and Embodying Your Beliefs,"Groups hate it when someone breaks out of routine and starts pursuing their own path. It drives them mad, it forces them to rethink their choices which most people hate to do. It usually causes people to confront their options and when they are not too good, denial kicks in and the result is to get back in line with the rest of the group to avoid disruption. Women who choose to lead a red-pilled life are often met with unfriendly reactions as it is against the accepted standard norm. When a woman chooses to be a homemaker and SATM, she is met with frowned faces as if she is making a grave mistake. This can lead one to honestly doubt her choices: ""Maybe I am in the wrong for not pursuing the path everyone is pursuing."" kind of thoughts. When most people realize that your choice is different from theirs, the first reaction is to normally assume you are wrong and you should change your stand. This happens with most people not trying to understand the other party's perception. While I believe it is important to be open-minded to criticism, it is also important to note that most of the people who will try to make you feel different or doubt your choices are people following a template set upon by society feeding you information easily consumed and haven't done any self-introspection. We now live in an echo chamber and accepted beliefs are amplified while those that people don't agree with are shunned. The effects are being sidelined, self-doubt and isolation. It is one thing saying you will be a homemaker and it's another to actually get to live that lifestyle. Not only will new challenges that nobody ever mentioned arise but also at that time that you get to learn whether you can walk the talk. This is why it is important to remind yourself of the motivations that led you to this path. Be sure that your sentiments will be challenged and there will be moments of weakness and self-doubt but if your motivations are grounded, at some point you will learn to tune out the noise.",,16,cknyakina,2023-03-01 12:33:26 RedPillWomen,11f4afw,How can I improve my self-confidence?,"Hey guys, it is me again. My self-esteem is incredibly low because I was bullied in high school for a long time. Although I have turned 24, I have no idea how to develop a relationship, including friendships. I'm too shy to use equipment at the gym, even though I know no one cares. I always try to hide my face or put on makeup. I feel so quite anxious when I speaking in a group of friends. I am in a situation like this, trying to improve myself. I kinda feel exhausted and trapped and I wanna change it. Do you have any suggestions for improving my self-confidence except therapy?",,8,Subject_Community995,2023-03-01 13:51:34 RedPillWomen,11eu0z7,How to stop being angry at ex,"Hello everybody, I'm using a throwaway account because I don't want any of my friends (or my ex) to find this on my regular account, sorry mods. How do I stop being so angry at my ex? I'm 20 and he was the first boyfriend I'd ever had. We dated for three months, we had sex, and two days later he dumped. It's been a month and a half, and for the first month I told myself it was fine, I wasn't mad, and I even tried to be friends with him. That's such a lie, I'm angry and hurt and I feel used. I told him repeatedly that I didn't want to have sex, and he kept bringing it up every time we'd get physical, and one day I said yes. I consented, it was my choice, but I wouldn't have fucking done it if I'd known he was going to dump me two days later. I just want to stop being so angry. It was my first time and now I'm so bitter about it. I feel stupid. Please help.",,8,Latter-Cranberry4508,2023-03-01 04:20:59 RedPillWomen,11ds6ft,More interest from older men than from those my age?,"Hello all! Once again, thank you very much for the advice on my previous post. It led me to a lot of helpful realizations about the way I act. Now I’m back with more questions! I’ve noticed that I regularly get attention from men slightly older than me (25-30 years), and less from those around my age (21). For further context, they tend to be former military now attending college. Does anybody have any idea why that is? I tend to be clear about my interest in a long term relationship (aka not a hookup), but I thought men are more interested in that when they’re even older, like 30+ years. I was raised to be respectful of those older than me, so I may be slightly more deferential to “older” men. I’m also not the best at picking up on flirting, so it could just be that the older guys are clearer about it. Is this just men’s preference for younger women? Is it because of my behavior? I’d prefer to date a man around my age or a few years older, so I’m interested in trying to discern why this is.",,8,Valuable_Place1265,2023-02-28 00:47:34 RedPillWomen,11bixuj,Cooking,One thing that’s really a big deal for my bf 24m is that I 25F know how to cook and I don’t do well in that department. I always had my mom cook and prepare everything for me or I just ate out. Where can I go to get help. Any YouTube channels ?,,18,Darksnickerss,2023-02-25 11:33:48 Feminism,phrcrn,This is a comprehensive list of resources for those in need of an abortion,"**Update** I guess I've been mass reported for posting these links over Reddit becuase they've suspended my account for ""violating content policy"". I've tried to appeal multiple times but they don't even reply. Please keep posting these links, now that Roe has been overturn we need them more than ever. This is a list of resources I’m compiling for people who need an abortion. If you know of any other resource not listed here please let me know and I’ll add it to the list. Please repost & share with as many people as possible in whichever platform you want (feel free to bookmark these sites, print out this list, write it down or take screenshots in case it gets deleted), so those who are denied access to safe abortion know there's help for them and how to access it ♡ • **r/auntienetwork** is a network of people who can help provide assistance in a handful of ways to those who need help with an abortion. • [**Aidaccess**]( https://aidaccess.org/) consists of a team of doctors, activists and advocates for abortion rights that help people access abortion or miscarriage treatment. They send the pill worldwide for $110/90€ • [**Planned Parenthood**](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/pregnancy/pregnancy-options) Unplanned Pregnancy - A Comprehensive Guide • [**Plan C**](https://www.plancpills.org/) provides up-to-date information on how people in the U.S. are accessing abortion pills online • [**Ceinfo**](https://www.cecinfo.org/country-by-country-information/status-availability-database/countries/united-states-of-america/), Emergency Oral Contraceptive Doses for Birth Control, U.S. • [**Ceinfo**]( https://www.cecinfo.org/country-by-country-information/status-availability-database/), Emergency Oral Contraceptive Doses for Birth Control, International • [**Abortionfunds**](https://abortionfunds.org/need-abortion/) connects you with organizations that can support your financial and logistical needs as you arrange for your abortion. • [**Yellowhammerfund**](https://www.yellowhammerfund.org/) is an abortion fund and reproductive justice organization serving Alabama and the Deep South. • [**Teafund**](https://teafund.org/) Texas Equal Access Fund provides emotional and financial support to people who are seeking abortion care. • [**Gynopedia**](https://gynopedia.org/Gynopedia_Index) is a nonprofit organization that runs an open resource wiki for sexual, reproductive and women's health care around the world • [**Womenonweb**](https://www.womenonweb.org/) online abortion service can help you do a safe abortion with pills. • [**The Satanic Temple**](https://thesatanictemple.com/) stands ready to assist any member that shares its deeply-held religious convictions regarding the right to reproductive freedom. Accordingly, they encourage any member in Texas who wishes to undergo the Satanic Abortion Ritual to contact them so they may help them fight this law directly. • [**Carafem**](https://carafem.org/) helps with abortion, birth control and questions about reproductive healthcare. They do consultations online and send abortion pills on the mail. • [**Frontera Fund**](https://fronterafundrgv.org/about-us/) makes abortion accessible in the Rio Grande Valley (Texas) by providing financial and practical support regardless of immigration status, gender identity, ability, sexual orientation, race, class, age, or religious affiliation and to build grassroots organizing power at intersecting issues across our region to shift the culture of shame and stigma. • [**Buckle Bunnies Fund**](https://www.bucklebunnies.org/about) provide practical support for people seeking abortions. H help with transportation, funds to help with hotels, lodging costs and emergency contraceptive funds to actually go towards abortion. • [**The Afiya Center**]( https://www.theafiyacenter.org/our-work)s mission is to transform the lives, health, and overall wellbeing of Black womxn and girls by providing refuge, education, and resources. Theye act to ignite the communal voices of Black womxn resulting in our full achievement of reproductive freedom. • [**Lilithfund**](https://www.lilithfund.org/portfolio/about/) is the oldest abortion fund in Texas, serving the central and southern regions of the state with direct financial assistance for abortions. • [**Needabortion**](https://needabortion.org/) provides resources about where to get an abortion (financial help and transportation) and how to get help getting an abortion in Texas. • [**Jane’s Due Process**](https://janesdueprocess.org/) helps minors in Texas with judicial bypass for abortion, navigate parental consent laws and confidentially access abortion and birth control. They provide free legal support, 1-on-1 case management, and stigma-free information on sexual and reproductive health. • [**Fund Texas choice**](https://fundtexaschoice.org/) helps Texans equitably access abortion through safe, confidential, and comprehensive travel services and practical support. **______________________________________________________________________________** Please beware of websites that sell [**fake abortion pills**](https://www.womenonwaves.org/en/page/974/warning-fake-abortion-pills-for-sale-online) and [**fake clinics**](https://www.google.com/search?q=fake+abortion+clinics&source=hp&ei=Ma4zYZfvG_2x5OUPl5SSoAI&iflsig=ALs-wAMAAAAAYTO8QSMobwAesw1YlFYxEgawA2Os1_G1&oq=fake+abortion+clinics&gs_lcp=Cgdnd3Mtd2l6EAM6DQguEMcBENEDEEMQkwI6BQgAEIAEOgsILhCABBDHARCjAjoLCC4QgAQQxwEQ0QM6BQguEIAEOgUIABCRAjoECAAQQzoECC4QQzoFCC4QkQI6CAgAEIAEEMkDSgUIQBIBMVCLBlifHWC_H2gAcAB4AYABhgKIAZoRkgEGMTMuNy4xmAEAoAEB&sclient=gws-wiz&ved=0ahUKEwjXy-il7eXyAhX9GLkGHReKBCQQ4dUDCAY&uact=5) run by religious groups where they lie and spread misconceptions about abortion to trick people into keeping their fetus. They also promise help and resources that never materialize. The best way to avoid these fake clinics is learning how to recognize them, so I’m linking a couple of short documentaries on the subject that include hidden camera footage exposing their deceptive tactics: * [**The Fake Abortion Clinics Of America: Misconception**](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=g-ex4Q-z-is) * [**Crisis Pregnancy Centers: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver**](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4NNpkv3Us1I) **Note**- Some of these websites may be blocked in your country by your internet service provider. You can bypass this block using a VPN like [this one](https://protonvpn.com/), it's free, safe and easy to install. To get rid of banners and pop-ups you can install [uBlock Origin](https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/ublock-origin/cjpalhdlnbpafiamejdnhcphjbkeiagm?hl=en) and [Popup Blocker](https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/popup-blocker-strict/aefkmifgmaafnojlojpnekbpbmjiiogg?hl=en). They work on most browsers, on phone as well on PC and it takes a few seconds to install them.",,3144,elkatiuskas,2021-09-04 13:15:02 Feminism,1ahx0su,Best of Posts (3),,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/1ahx0su,512,lewisjessicag,2024-02-03 14:14:07 Feminism,1ahwybi,Best of Posts (1),,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/1ahwybi,420,lewisjessicag,2024-02-03 14:10:41 Feminism,1ai19mv,Female genital mutilation,"Hello, I've never posted on this page before, but a friend told me that it would be good for raising awareness... I don't even know how to start talking about this; I live in a normal kinda Arab/Muslim country (I thought so, at least)! There's not much FGM going on around us, and I'm verrry vocal about my feminist beliefs and support of women in my family. I remember talking about FGM a few times when news about people in Egypt or Sudan that were genital mutilated and saying how fucked up it is and how thankful that our country doesn't have much of that, and my mother agreed… Anyways today I found out that literally almost everyone in my family is mutilated; there are different types of FGM, the most minor is just getting the skin around the clit cut off, and the most major is getting everything cut off and sown shut. They leave a little hole for pee and periods. The type of FGM my family does is the second type, I think (half of the clit is cut off), but my mom, aunts, and grandma have the one where you get the whole clit cut off; now thankfully, I'm not mutilated because my mom was against it she fought against it with my sisters and me. But I cannot get over that fact! How did I go 24 years of life without knowing that almost all the women in my family suffered in silence, and some are continuing to do it to their daughters? It's such a scary fact, and I don't know how they justify it. My mom told me that the reason that it keeps women pure is because they will not have impure thoughts and will never get horny unless it is with their husbands (basically penetration), It is so sick and twisted, and I don't know how to deal with that. A few days later, my cousin, that is four years younger than me, was FGM'd, and when she talked to her mother about it and asked her why they hadn't told her, she was told, ""Why do you even care about this? It is not important, and you should be thankful"" this sucks as she is like a best friend/sister to me and I'm so sad for her. I wish I didn't find out about it...",,165,idkmilo,2024-02-03 17:27:11 Feminism,1ai2jej,House chores,"I hate that I have to do all the chores while all my male family members sit all day and do nothing, and that's because my family and my country are so backward. They believe it's a woman's duty to do chores. And every time I do chores, I feel so humiliated every time I do chores for them. Sorry if this is not the right place to post this",,62,WideAd443,2024-02-03 18:22:49 Feminism,1ahntm9,The “friend zone” and the implication that a woman’s friendship is worthless,"I’m sure this is a topic that has been talked about by many more intelligent and eloquent people, but I grew up with the concept of the “friend zone” shoved down my throat growing up from movies and tv as well as social media. I didn’t realize until adulthood how much the concept actually disgusts me, and all of the horrible implications behind it. When a man complains about a woman friend zoning him, he is more or less saying that her friendship is not worth anything to him if it doesn’t also come along with sex. It doesn’t matter the kinds of conversations they have, her intelligence, the way they support each other, if it’s platonic it has no value. Women are people. People who men may or may not be compatible with romantically, that doesn’t mean she doesn’t add any value to his life. She also doesn’t owe him any value at all, and the fact that she is supplying it in the form of a friendship is a privilege. All friendships are privileges. To say that a woman has friend zoned you places her in a subhuman position in which she is just there to provide sex and labor, and if she doesn’t do that any other part of the relationship is rendered meaningless. It’s bullshit.",,633,liliminus,2024-02-03 04:41:00 Feminism,1ahwyxv,Best of Posts (2),,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/1ahwyxv,89,lewisjessicag,2024-02-03 14:11:29 Feminism,1ai874k,What do women wear?,"So..I’ve always hated stereotypes of women. It’s obviously another way to control women and make us feel like we are just here to be objects for men to desire. I don’t like when anyone thinks women should/shouldn’t look a certain way. I see your appearance choices as a way of self-expression, which is going to look different for everyone. That said, I know that stereotypes do exist but I don’t really like adhering to them. One of my female friends recently came out as gay and I was really happy for her. She seems really progressive to me as far as feminism goes. She sent a picture to our group chat of her wearing a gray shirt and jeans, saying “I can’t believe I didn’t know I was gay before!!” It really made me cringe. I hated the implication that because she was wearing neutral clothing, she couldn’t be a straight woman. It just furthers the expectation that all women must look “feminine”. I told her that I don’t think women have to dress a certain way. She said that she wasn’t saying that and wasn’t sure why I even brought it up. Our other friends also thought my comment was weird and now I’m wondering if I should’ve just been more supportive?",,15,NotASuggestedUsrname,2024-02-03 22:33:39 Feminism,1ahpw5b,the comments (tw: CSA),,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/1ahpw5b,294,uwumiilk,2024-02-03 06:43:05 Feminism,1ai0ctk,"The movie ""Poor things""","I assume most people know about the movie ""Poor Things"" that came out at the end of last year and people are acting like its a feminist masterpiece but it is actually not and it pisses me off seeing people say it is. I actually haven't seen the movie and after reading some low rated reviews, i am not planning to. In the movie there's a characther Bella who basically gets brought back to life by a mad scientist giving her a new brain. The brain in question is a babys brain so Bella is a grown woman with the brain of a little baby. The movie is supposed to be like her discovering the world or something like that and one thing she nearly instantly starts doing is having sex (apparently a lot of it too) but like she has the brain of a baby and she acts like a toddler too so theres no way she would understand whats happening to her... idk it sounds like a very icky movie. Now its nominated for an oscar too.. if anyone here has seen the movie then please tell me what you think",,36,eppoop,2024-02-03 16:47:17 Feminism,1ai5r0e,"Mormon Stories on Instagram: ""Being told to “stand down” by the church’s law firm. #lds #mormon #byu #byui #thechurchofjesuschristoflatterdaysaints #bookofmormon #exmormon #ldstemple #exlds""",(TW CSA),https://www.instagram.com/reel/C24908ksKy9/?igsh=ZXBmNjgzYTdpMW1z,11,Background-Party6748,2024-02-03 20:46:01 Feminism,1ahpq7d,Y’all im tired of hearing “let’s go boys”,"That and bro and man. I get called these things all the time on the internet.. some of my interests are male dominated and they just assume I’m a man. It irritates me, but I don’t correct them because sadly they talk to me and treat me like a person when they assume I’m a man. It’s just frustrating and disheartening when I watch a video on YouTube of something I’m interested in a lot of the time the creator will talk only to men and use language targeted to them.. just makes me feel left out and like the thought of a woman being interested in the content is impossible. Anyways that’s just my rant. If any of y’all relate would love to hear from you.",,162,Virtual_Use_9506,2024-02-03 06:32:50 Feminism,1ahdzit,“Women are responsible for the male loneliness epidemic”,"Proof that women can live without men but men cannot fathom a world without women ☠️☠️ There’s men out here comparing FEMICIDE to the male loneliness epidemic, literally I’ve seen brain dead takes like “oh well men are killing women because women keep rejecting them and the men are desperate” And….? As if it’s not their own issue that they’re lonely, or that women finally have enough autonomy to work for themselves and don’t need a husband to survive",,798,uwumiilk,2024-02-02 20:54:55 Feminism,1ahvq4c,Cheshire PCC faces calls to quit over short skirts comment - BBC News,,https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c72gn8llx2zo.amp,37,Background-Party6748,2024-02-03 13:07:53 Feminism,1ahwbh0,Book recs about women living lives without men?,I'd love to read about the experiences of women that don't have close (or in general) relationships with men in their lives. Not only romantic but generally speaking. I prefer non-fiction books but I'll welcome fiction as well!,,20,marcospartout,2024-02-03 13:39:17 Feminism,1ahx5zp,Fire service deletes X post about new recruit after ‘upsetting’ replies,,https://www.wiltshire999s.co.uk/fire-service-deletes-recruit-upsetting/,16,NoUsb,2024-02-03 14:21:15 Feminism,1ai1k7x,Undercover at CPC,"Has anyone ever had an ultrasound while undercover at a CPC? Maybe for NARAL, or another pro choice organisation? This is just out of curiosity. ",,6,Savings_Peace923,2024-02-03 17:40:12 Feminism,1ah91ar,My therapist said she doesn’t live in a patriarchal society.,This. This is it. Im a raging feminist and my therapist dropped this bomb. Don’t know how to feel. Help.,,231,Commercial_Ad_1722,2024-02-02 17:24:55 Feminism,1ahcvda,Being friends with men is hard,"I'm going to start with saying, I love my guy friends and obviously this is a generalisation- not all guys or friend groups are like this. But I want to know. Am I the problem? I find it hard to speak to my guy friends about women's issues at all. If I bring up rates of assault towards women, the issues with some problematic fetishes, etc, they get so incredibly defensive and I get labelled as overreacting or that my ideas are delusional. When I ask them to listen and support victims, they act clueless and unable, saying ""what am I meant to do? It's online. It's just bait."" I don't agree with that. I just feel frustrated and exhausted. Especially when I explain my point of view, and because they simply don't/refuse to understand my female perspective, they stop replying or just reply with memes, etc. I truly wonder if I'm the problem. Or if anybody else finds it difficult to be friends with mostly men? When I tell them my personal experience they get angry, defensive, offended, and don't believe me or make excuses. Anybody else?",,131,Resident-Hawk-5383,2024-02-02 20:07:06 Feminism,1ahlwuq,"Heartbreaking, luckily she is still alive",,https://www.abc.net.au/news/2024-02-02/stabbing-victim-inundated-with-texts-and-calls-before-attack/103421166,29,Separate-Stable-9996,2024-02-03 02:58:53 Feminism,1agz0qk,"‘A sense of betrayal’: liberal dismay as Muslim-led US city bans Pride flags. Many liberals celebrated when Hamtramck, Michigan, elected a Muslim-majority council in 2015 but a vote to exclude LGBTQ+ flags from city property has soured relations",,https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2023/jun/17/hamtramck-michigan-muslim-council-lgbtq-pride-flags-banned,602,Arivanya,2024-02-02 08:30:38 Feminism,1agwhyt,"According to my grandma, women are guilty for their deaths","Yesterday I was fighting with my grandma about something completely unrelated and of course she started screaming about how ""Women are sl*ts"" ""Divorces are due to women not knowing their place anymore"" and... ""If women closed their legs instead of marrying the wrong men, they wouldn't get ki**ed"". Can't begin to describe how disgusted I am in that woman, I have never gotten an interest in active feminism but now I got my call. I want to read about feminism, spread feminism, breath feminism until no girl on this planet actually has to hear something so deeply disgusting.",,539,Professional_Sea1982,2024-02-02 05:42:19 Feminism,1ahjjsa,re: ex gifted me The Robber Bride by Margaret Atwood?,"My ex and I had a fraught relationship and he gifted me The Robber Bride with an inscription from him about how I need to take accountability for my actions in order to grow. He had a bug problem with me talking about my experienced with him to my friends during our relationship, even criticizing me for “using his real name” when he listened in on my therapy session once. I will paste what he wrote to me here. I haven’t read the book yet but from what I read online it seems like the themes of this book are more complex than what he is implying? He can also be quite mean? I just would like some alternative perspectives from people who are familiar with the book. I am a feminist and a fan of Margaret Atwood, but I am wary of his intentions. What he wrote me: [me], Life it would seem is in many ways about growth. In order to grow we must recognize who we are and who we aim to be. You have so much potential and so many opportunities. There are also already so very many good things in your life as it stands. Don’t overlook the contemporary good, ever, you’ll be doing yourself quite the disservice. In order to grow we must recognize our faults and endeavor to improve, otherwise we become stagnant. Life is most worth living, especially the examined life. You are very loved, [him]",,13,eurydiceruesalome,2024-02-03 00:58:48 Feminism,1agzhkq,Three girls die after FGM rituals in Sierra Leone,,https://www.theguardian.com/global-development/2024/feb/02/girls-die-after-fgm-ceremonies-in-sierra-leone,247,BurtonDesque,2024-02-02 09:04:50 Feminism,1ah18fo,Sweden: Where it's taboo for dads to skip parental leave,,https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20240130-sweden-where-its-taboo-for-dads-to-skip-parental-leave,119,Jojuj,2024-02-02 11:07:45 Feminism,1ah5rvl,Why there is a stereotype that men are much funnier than woman?,"I was hanging out with my friend and she told me that im very random and funny like a guy, and thats why she prefer to spend time with me. I started to think is it really true that men are really funnier than woman? After research i finf some news that its true, but i think it something wrog with it. I think its because being funny a positive trait, and women need be by society very serious, cold (example: in work as boss), neat and with no expression, or being cheerful but in silly way, not inteligent wise way. I think its sad, because when i think about any my childhood cartoons there always a boy was this funny kid, and girl always was annoying and irritated. From my experience i can say that its not true, and i think society told us so, so we starting think this way? Please tell your opinion im so courious!",,51,eluwinabdhusw,2024-02-02 15:04:17 Feminism,1ah8u5b,3 Huge Tech Companies Endorse Bill That Could Wipe Abortion Info From the Internet,,https://jezebel.com/3-huge-tech-companies-endorse-bill-that-could-wipe-abor-1851217281,28,evanFFTF,2024-02-02 17:16:19 Feminism,1ah1bh1,These dudes are unhinged,,https://i.redd.it/51zfr3izr0gc1.jpeg,43,Zoe_Hamm,2024-02-02 11:13:25 Feminism,1agqpbh,There...this tumblr post describes how Doctors have been treating women throughout the ages,,https://i.redd.it/maghe2bnj2gc1.jpeg,274,ClaireDacloush,2024-02-02 00:43:42 Feminism,1ah0bo5,Did I overreact?,"Hey y'all I(19f) am a single girl child, but recently when we visited my aunt, the male favouritism made me cry. It was lunch time and my brother asked me to sit with them (I was the only female sitting at the table). Plates were prepared for my brother, his friend(who was over), my uncle while I was kept waiting. When my brother asked them where my plate was, my aunt asked them to start without me and it was implied that the men needed to be served first. I felt really belittled seeing the lack of importance I had simply because I am a woman. The lack of importance and consideration humiliated me and made me want to never visit them. Later, when I tried to convey my feelings to my mother I started crying(without realising) I did not realise that I felt so strongly. Seeing me cry she got teary as well. Am I wrong for crying and was it an overreaction? ",,45,Bellindaslock,2024-02-02 10:05:36 Feminism,1agmxxr,Sexism isn’t real because… women be shopping?,This started as a conversation about abortion and pregnancy. (I’m in blue.) I don’t understand how people can think this way. Do they seriously believe that women have more power in society?,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/1agmxxr,302,Canvas718,2024-02-01 22:01:02 Feminism,1ahha0t,What are some great ideas for a feminist sci-fi story?,I am looking for great ideas on stories about feminist sci-fi. What are some? ,,1,Gloomy_Living_7532,2024-02-02 23:15:00 Feminism,1agzi2q,Women’s champion Swati Maliwal takes Delhi anti-rape fight nationwide,,https://www.theguardian.com/global-development/2024/feb/02/womens-champion-swati-maliwal-takes-delhi-anti-rape-fight-nationwide,27,BurtonDesque,2024-02-02 09:05:54 Feminism,1ah4ok6,"“To Repulse the State from Our Uteri: Anarcha-feminism, Reproductive Freedom, and Dual Power” | Radical History Review special issue ""Feminists Confront State Violence"" (Jan 2024)",,https://read.dukeupress.edu/radical-history-review/article/2024/148/90/384729/To-Repulse-the-State-from-Our-Uteri-Anarcha?guestAccessKey=7806bc55-d93d-4b68-ac99-8c9b089b52ef,8,RageoftheMonkey,2024-02-02 14:16:30 Feminism,1aghjoo,"Other parents telling their sons ""Ladies first"" when it was my daughter's turn anyway?","Wondering what to say to my daughter privately in a situation like this: This happened twice at a quiet playground yesterday. It was my daughter's turn to go down a slide and their older boy tried to push her aside. Two separate mothers loudly said ""Llllladiesssss first"" It really surprised me to be honest. ",,162,username62523,2024-02-01 18:15:26 Feminism,1ag4ktf,"Gen Z boys and men more likely than baby boomers to believe feminism harmful, says poll",,https://www.theguardian.com/news/2024/feb/01/gen-z-boys-and-men-more-likely-than-baby-boomers-to-believe-feminism-harmful-says-poll,920,BurtonDesque,2024-02-01 06:30:35 Feminism,1ah7w33,"Good Morning, Revolution! Why does MAGA hate Taylor Swift?",,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PtM5WOH4wWc,1,VirginianLaborer,2024-02-02 16:36:51 Feminism,1agme7e,"The voices of the voiceless: Kim Bok-Dong, ‘comfort women’ and their continued struggle for recognition.",,https://shado-mag.com/opinion/the-voices-of-the-voiceless-kim-bok-dong-comfort-women-and-their-continued-struggle-for-recognition/,29,hamsterdamc,2024-02-01 21:38:05 Feminism,1ag731u,‘I can’t face how much she suffered’: Argentina femicides at record high as Milei dilutes protections | Global development,,https://www.theguardian.com/global-development/2024/jan/30/i-cant-face-how-much-she-suffered-argentina-femicides-at-record-high-as-milei-dilutes-protections,272,xGentian_violet,2024-02-01 09:24:57 Feminism,1ag7i6c,Protecting the real victims /s,,https://i.redd.it/wc3bg5iyawfc1.jpeg,168,ilovegoodcheese,2024-02-01 09:56:15 Feminism,1agbjdv,"There is a growing concern about the rising conservatism/anti-feminism among men, but I am uncertain whether this is a genuine shift or merely a perception due to the world becoming more progressive.","Please note that in this post, my focus is primarily on the Western world, as I lack the knowledge to speak about events occurring elsewhere. Nowadays, many people are worried about the escalating conservative and anti-feminist ideologies among men, often attributing them to figures like Andrew Tate and other conservative content creators. They are particularly worried about the perceived increase of misogyny and homophobia among the younger male demographic. As a relatively young individual, I might not be the most qualified to form an opinion on this matter (hence I am seeking input here), but it seems to me that the world, including men, is consistently progressing towards less sexist attitudes and that the misogynistic and regressive beliefs that are causing concern today are nothing worse than what was once considered the norm. People are bringing up studies indicating that younger men are more inclined towards “conservatism” and “anti-feminism”, yet don’t take into account the fact that the definitions of “conservatism” and “feminism” evolve, and what young men perceive as “feminism” today may differ significantly from the feminism that older men have in mind. So while an increase in opposition to feminism is disheartening, it doesn't inherently indicate an increase in misogynistic beliefs themselves. Research generally indicates a growing acceptance of the LGBTQ+ community, and misogynistic attitudes, albeit gradually, are becoming less normalised. Could the increasing concern about problematic opinions stem from the fact that they are no longer considered the norm but are finally recognised as issues that need addressing? I believe the shift lies more in societal norms shaping our perception of men's beliefs rather than inherent changes in the beliefs themselves, which are likely gradually improving. Am I off-base? What are your thoughts on this matter?",,70,lanaaa12345,2024-02-01 13:55:57 Feminism,1ag7a5v,A good comeback to misogynist older coworker?,"I work as a software engineer in a team of 15 people in a huge electronics company. I was transferred to this team along with two other women, so it has been an all-men environment until recently. My husband works from home and I didn't have my own car so I drive his car to work everyday since he doesn't really need it anyway. But I don't have much idea regarding car maintenance so I sometimes ask about where I can take my car to etc. during lunch as small talk. The other day we were having the same conversation and this senior guy asked ""Don't you have a husband? Why doesn't he take care of it?"" I explained I'm the one using it anyway and asked what does it have to do with anything? He kept on saying bs like we switched roles ""jokingly"" so I just turned the other way and didn't respond to him anymore. Then yesterday, I was working at my desk and he said ""Hey have you read the news? They're working on research that lets men to get pregnant, your husband may be interested"" and laughed. I literally felt blood jumping to my brain and snapped out (not as much as I'd like since it's still an office) and basically scolded him. Don't exactly remember what I sait but I asked things like what does car maintenance has to do with being able to be pregnant and where are these roles that he's mentioning written etc. Now I just want to come up with something that will make him feel just as uncomfortable as I did. His wife is also working at the same company as us actually and they send their kids to daycare so maybe I can hit him there but can't put together the right words. ""Why isn't your wife at home taking care of your kids?"" sounds really dumb to me, please help...",,103,nekotu13,2024-02-01 09:39:26 Feminism,1agji67,"""Nobody could prepare you for the war"": interview with Croatian feminist Biljana Kašić",,https://commons.com.ua/en/intervyu-z-horvatskoyu-feministkoyu-bilyanoyu-kashich/,8,uanar,2024-02-01 19:36:50 Feminism,1ag2nga,Update: Told off the dirty jokes mechanic!," Following up on this post ,(the backstory in more detail):  [https://www.reddit.com/r/Feminism/comments/1abwt9l/what\_would\_you\_do\_about\_an\_otherwisegood\_mechanic/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Feminism/comments/1abwt9l/what_would_you_do_about_an_otherwisegood_mechanic/) Last week I had my van worked on by a mechanic who told endless dirty jokes, talking about anatomy, birthing/episiotomy, snapping his babysitter's bra, how cats have sex, how chickens only have ""1 orfice,"" someone having twins by 2 different men, a 9 yo and 60 yo woman getting pregnant, etc etc etc. I finally told him I didn't want any more dirty jokes, but he kept going. I was baffled because this is a small family business of 40 years, his wife was in and out of the shop, he seemed friendly and his first few comments ""could"" have been relatively harmless comments about his kids being born, adolescence etc. I went home wishing I'd put my foot down harder, caught it at the first comment, etc, and wanted to redeem my dignity after the fact but wasn't sure how. Well today I had my chance. The check engine light has still been coming on, so I scheduled an appointment and took the van back this morning. I'd already practiced what to say, and how to steel myself against the inevitable pushback. As I parked in his lot, his wife walked by (who had been kind to me and strikes me as very down to earth). I was cordial and said, ""I'm glad I ran into you actually because I wanted to tell you that your husband made a bunch of sexual comments last time I was here. \[Listed the comments\]. I thought you might want to know."" She said he does that , and she thinks it's because his diabetes is causing cognitive decline, and that she's been thinking about pulling him from the shop, and would pull the plug on it for me and reprimand him. I told her I thought that would be appropriate and that I was going to say something myself too. I walked into the shop (he was by himself with his wife in the background) and said, ""The check engine light is still coming on so I need you to pull the code and document your diagnostic and estimate this time\*. And I don't want one more lewd comment from you."" Him: ""I don't know what you're talking about."" Me: ""you know exactly what I'm talking about. \[Listed the comments.\] I could go on and on. In your own place of business!!!! Don't argue with me. I am giving you a chance to apologize."" Him: ""I'm sorry if that made you uncomfortable but..."" Me: ""You just denied it! \[Calling his bluff, denying then minimizing - which one is it???.\] You would not have said those things if I was a man. This is not up for debate. Just go pull my code and give me the documents."" I looked at him hard, and he looked at me hard. I did not break eye contact and stared him down. Several seconds later, he silently went to pull the code. I summarized the van outcome below - that's not the point of this post. The point is what I learned from this: I made a list of ""red flag words"" from his list of dirty jokes, that I will immediately shut down any man at the FIRST MENTION. I resolved not to be remotely cordial, and keep my guard up, with mechanics or any male professional moving forward, ie assume they're sexist until they prove otherwise, even in family businesses. I made a guided meditation to create a ""Bubble"" around myself that gaslighting will bounce off of and cannot infiltrate my psyche.  I resolved to EXPECT pushback instead of hoping they will listen and reform themselves. Along with this, I resolved to put my foot down hard, ie clear, direct language without gaslighting myself, and not to back down or accept the lie that that makes me a bitch, crazy, overreacting, etc etc etc. I wrote a few reminders: \- I should not have to be saying this in the first place. \- HE disrespected ME and expects me to be polite/soft/conversational/etc  calling him out???? That expectation would not exist if I was a man, full stop. (Men will go at it with each other and the softer one loses, it's all about plumage and domination.) \- Women are socialized to be peacemakers, and that is weaponized when we attempt to stand up for ourselves (the bitchy/crazy bit). It is perfectly fine and rational to state my position plainly - there is no need to sugar coat - and if people use that to gaslight you, it's simply that they don't want to acknowledge your point, because that takes away their power. If they attempt character assassination because you dared to express a clear point, that's what the Bubble is for, and it's just another example that proves your point. Well this was enlightening! Van info below. Have a good day! \------- \*As it turns out, they hadn't pulled the code the first time and simply went in for the repair that was visible (coolant leaking everywhere). Last time he did not give me a document of the diagnostic or estimate and I should have asked, but didn't because I'd already taken it to 2 other mechanics who did give me a write up, and his diagnosis sounded on point with theirs. Before I went in this morning, I got the code pulled at AutoZone to have a comparison. Since they didn't pull the code, they didn't catch the spark plugs and cylinders misfiring, so I still have that to deal with. At least my coolant isn't leaking but that was a$2K repair and I thought that would be the end of it. If I posted on Google about that, it would really fall on me (should have asked). But it would be an afterthought/cherry on top compared to the sexist remarks!!!!",,96,No_Celery9390,2024-02-01 04:40:18 Feminism,1ag5oq5,"Iran: Security forces used rape and other sexual violence to crush ""Woman Life Freedom"" uprising with impunity",,https://www.amnesty.org/en/latest/news/2023/12/iran-security-forces-used-rape-and-other-sexual-violence-to-crush-woman-life-freedom-uprising-with-impunity/,30,chronic-venting,2024-02-01 07:45:30 Feminism,1afcjli,Even seat belts,I remember my aunt telling me this when I rode with my male cousins.,https://i.redd.it/2lt4r1fycqfc1.jpeg,2496,Loud-Restaurant-9513,2024-01-31 07:44:48 Feminism,1afqev9,Women say mixed gyms are off-limits due to harassment from men,,https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-humber-68145372,272,Kagedeah,2024-01-31 19:34:03 Feminism,1afn29s,How should feminists handle another Trump term?,"Donald Trump is currently leading in the polls and there is a very good chance he will be elected the next president. He has 20 sexual assault allegations against him, and has been found liable in civil court for assault against E. Jean Carroll. He says he is proud of overturning Roe v. Wade, which took away womens' rights to abortion. Conservative activists are also talking about taking away the right to no fault divorce. In his second term, he would appoint many more judges who would turn the U.S. legal system to be even more hostile to womens' rights. He also engaged in racism regularly and would be hostile to LGBTQ rights. My question is, how should feminists handle another presidency by Trump? How can feminists fight back and defend womens' rights? Is there a chance feminists can stop him from becoming president again?",,253,beet_0,2024-01-31 17:19:40 Feminism,1agob7q,Not surprised,Look at this video... 👀 https://pin.it/6T8To8NIz,,0,Loud-Restaurant-9513,2024-02-01 22:58:06 Feminism,1aff9ik,Why the Right Hates Taylor Swift,"For the most part, Taylor Swift looks like she should be on the right. She hits the extremely narrow target that all the hegemonies of the right have created. She’s white, cis, straight (or straight-passing), thin, conventionally attractive, wealthy and she has blue eyes and blonde hair. If she had simply been complacent enough, she could’ve been their poster girl. She has an enormous, passionate fan base. And she could’ve won over those fans as voters for the right. She could’ve played into her earlier good girl country persona and convinced her fans to become submissive, sundress-wearing housewives, popping out babies and baking bread for their husbands… But that’s not the route that Taylor took in her life. Instead, she didn’t choose to NOT dim her light to become a broodmare or to be eclipsed by a man. She chose to make her life a celebration of her talent. She chose to be open and comfortable with her body and her sexuality. She chose to sometimes use her platform to support the causes of the marginalized. That is the ultimate mockery of the right. Someone who is supposed to look like their perfect little Nazi milkmaid is instead spitting on their values by doing whatever the fuck she wants. Of course, she isn’t exactly the most subversive feminist icon, either. But as the right scrambles to regain control by heavily brainwashing and recruiting voters to their side, they cannot afford to allow even the slightest amount of fence-sitting to go by without scrutiny.",https://i.redd.it/hrhl9ig5brfc1.jpeg,671,ravenclawmystic,2024-01-31 10:56:29 Feminism,1afsdb7,Since Taylor Swift is being discussed I made this,,https://i.redd.it/jvo5mh4j9ufc1.jpeg,78,ClaireDacloush,2024-01-31 20:52:48 Feminism,1ag5ju3,How to celebrate international women's day?,I want to do something for international women's day but I don't know what. I think at least i should wear purple. Also I'm a teenager (not telling my exact age for privacy reasons) so i can't do anything crazy... Any suggestions?,,7,dork_marmot,2024-02-01 07:36:40 Feminism,1afrm70,"""Don't let the other soldiers watch"": Rape as a weapon of war in Sudan",,https://www.aljazeera.com/features/longform/2023/8/14/dont-let-the-other-soldiers-watch-rape-as-a-weapon-of-war-in-sudan,35,chronic-venting,2024-01-31 20:22:37 Feminism,1afslld,Feminist literature that everyone should read,"Hi! I'm a feminist translator searching for a new proyect... Since I haven't read (and sadly, never will) every work out there, I'd be glad to hear your suggestions. If there are feminist poetry or narrative or even theoretical books that you've read in either English or French, and feel like they've been overlooked, please do tell. I am placing special attention on those works that history forgot because of social and historical issues.",,22,sad_girl_trying,2024-01-31 21:02:07 Feminism,1afgxim,"Is it okay to be offended by the terms ""masculine"" and ""feminine""?","I'm a woman, and I really love traditionally ""feminine"" things like (but not limited to): eye shadow, glitter, blush, fairies, flowers, butterflies, kindness, friendship, cuddles, animals, looking after and healing things, organisation, singing etc. But, I feel really uncomfortable with being called feminine because I don't like gender constructs and being placed in a box, and see that term as a tool to take women less seriously or to reinforce economic and social inequality, (e.g guys who tried to pick me up/hook up previously used to emphasise my femininity and focus on that at the expense of not really listening to me, they'd just interrupt what I said with compliments on my femininity). Is it acceptable to have those feelings, and to get the ""ick"" from gendered social norms, and does anyone else feel that way? I really think society likes to take women displaying traits like gentleness and joy for pretty things less seriously and use it as a justification for backing up men being leaders and women being followers. I feel like I'm ""taking crazy pills (Zoolander)"", like is this lack of respect for women all in my head or am I right? I personally feel like I've experienced a bit of discrimination on a social level tbh..",,85,AccomplishedNose9541,2024-01-31 12:40:03 Feminism,1afyihg,Not sure where else to ask so I hope here is okay... microagressions?,"Hey all! So here's some background. So I'm a trans masc individual but I'm still pretty fem presenting, I definitely look like a woman. But right before I started my first year of college, back in August, I finally got the chance to chop off all my hair! It went from butt-length to close to buzzed, though it's grown out significantly right now. But since then, people keep on asking me why I cut it short, especially with seeing old pictures of me, and there's an older picture of me on my student ID unfortunately (and government ID as well but that isn't seen as much). It's not so much as asking why I cut my hair, tho I mostly just say 'maintenance', but it's the, I guess, repetition? The asking again or seeming disappointed that I cut my 'long luscious hair' almost all off. But anyways. Does this count as a microagression? If not, what would this fall under? (so I can better look up resources to go forward) What do I even say besides just deflection?(I don't normally go into my gender identity with people I don't know well lol). Like. I dunno. Any help is appreciated! Thanks!",,8,my_name_is_tree,2024-02-01 01:14:34 Feminism,1afdi3k,Forgiving sexist deeds in your man's past?,"Hey hey folks, I found this marvellous man, who reads feminist books, who cares about all minorities, animals, who changed his philosophy at lot following some hardship in his life (and weed haha). He's a pleasure to be with. However before this 'enlightment', he had a very bad moment of his life (neglect at home) and he willingly filmed himself and a girl have sex, and shared the video among his male friends. He didn't even know the name of the girl.... He confessed it to me crying, still feeling shame (it happened 10 years ago). All of his exes reacted with a shrug like 'yeah well you were young and dumb'. It took me a while. I'm very sensitive on these things. I know he changed, but I also feel hopeless. Will ALL men be jerks at some point to women?... So I guess I'm asking for perspectives and experience. Have you forgiven your man of past deeds? how long did it take? The truth is I never met such a caring, feminist man. I mean it's just how it is. So even if he is corrupted...I might as well give up men altogether.",,65,Bardamuse,2024-01-31 08:51:11 Feminism,1aetnl4,"Why being too nice kills: Women should not be ""nice girls.""","Women are expected to always be kind, sweet, gentle, and docile with others in the modern day. I'm here to tell you why that's not a good idea. Being a ""nice girl"" in this world opens up vulnerability for men to take advantage of women, especially with humanity's long history of misogyny. Women are expected to be polite, cordial, and forgiving way more than men are and way more than they are ever expected to be. Even simply choosing not to engage with someone or setting boundaries is seen as a threat or an act of rudeness. Let's compare this to the things men are allowed to do and say. Men are allowed to be ""tough."" If they make offensive jokes or remarks, it is often celebrated and those who are hurt by it are called sensitive or weak and told to toughen up. When a man ignores or doesn't engage with someone if they don't like them or simply don't want to, it is seen as his right. When a man sets boundaries with someone or is assertive, it is celebrated. The question is why it's always okay for men but never for women. Why are men held to a different standard for behavior? The moment a woman acts catty back and makes rude or insulting remarks, she is seen as toxic, catty, and rude. So why is it okay for a man to insult a woman and her appearance or character but a woman is demonized and told to go to hell if she returns the energy? It all boils down to classic sexism, a tale as old as time. Women need to be tough. We need to actually cuss men out. Yes, tell men to ""fuck off."" That is absolutely necessary in this day and age. Be assertive and aggressive when protecting your boundaries. If a man tries violate your space despite obvious disinterest, it is okay to go off and shut down. You deserve the right to your own space and have the right not to engage with someone you don't want to. Be a bitch. Sometimes it is necessary, because the same ""toxic,"" ""mean,"" or ""bitchy"" behavior would be seen as absolutely acceptable by men. It isn't that you are being toxic or mean. It's that your programming has convinced you that being strong and assertive is bad.",,559,br0ken_things,2024-01-30 17:16:18 Feminism,1affj1h,"Japan’s former PM, 83-year-old Aso, piles insults on female foreign minister",,https://www.theguardian.com/world/2024/jan/31/japans-former-pm-83-year-old-aso-piles-insults-on-female-foreign-minister,19,BurtonDesque,2024-01-31 11:13:43 Feminism,1afgr5z,"Is it okay that I find the terms ""feminine"" and ""masculine"" offensive?","I'm a woman, and I really love traditionally ""feminine"" things like (but not limited to): eye shadow, glitter, blush, fairies, flowers, butterflies, kindness, friendship, cuddles, animals, looking after and healing things, organisation, singing etc. But, I feel really uncomfortable with being called feminine because I don't like gender constructs and being placed in a box, and see that term as a tool to take women less seriously or to reinforce economic and social inequality, (e.g guys who tried to pick me up/hook up previously used to emphasise my femininity and focus on that at the expense of not really listening to me, they'd just interrupt what I said with compliments on my femininity). Is it acceptable to have those feelings, and to get the ""ick"" from gendered social norms, and does anyone else feel that way? I really think society likes to take women displaying traits like gentleness and joy for pretty things less seriously and use it as a justification for backing up men being leaders and women being followers. I feel like I'm ""taking crazy pills (Zoolander)"", like is this lack of respect for women all in my head or am I right? I personally feel like I've experienced a bit of discrimination on a social level tbh..",,9,AccomplishedNose9541,2024-01-31 12:30:00 Feminism,1aeybmm,France on-track to constitutionalize abortion rights | CNN,,https://www.cnn.com/2024/01/30/europe/france-abortion-rights-vote-intl/index.html,112,ImportantReaction260,2024-01-30 20:23:58 Feminism,1aevm6a,"E. Jean Carroll, who recently won an $83.3 million defamation lawsuit against former President Donald Trump, has expressed her intention to use the awarded damages in a manner that directly opposes Trump's values.",,https://theintellectualist.com/e-jean-carroll-damages-allocation/,104,Intellectualist_,2024-01-30 18:35:05 Feminism,1af1x5j,My boyfriend asked his friend to look after me while he went to the toilet.,"My (22F) boyfriend (22M) needed to go to the toilet during a uni ball. For some reason, he whispered in his male friend's ear to look after me. I didn't hear the exact words so it may have even been ""watch her"". I know he said something like this because I know my boyfriend. He's overprotective and treats me like a child sometimes - all in the name of chivalry. He was very drunk at this point. His friend smiled awkwardly and looked pretty uncomfortable. I thought...well, eff that, I'm going to go dancing with my girl friends. So off I went. My bf's friend certainly didn't try to stop me. I was out of there, let me tell you. A while later, my bf is ringing and texting me, asking me where I am. This happened multiple times throughout the night. Every time he went to the toilet or the bar, I would dance with my friends, and he would be ringing me. So annoying! When I left to get into my mom's car, he called me two times but I missed both calls. Finally, I told him I made it home. I have to do this every time we part ways, which I suppose is quite normal. The next day, my female friend told me that during the event, my bf stormed up to her and our group of mutual friends and asked where I was. I was dancing with my girl friends at that point! She thought it was really strange that my bf would think she and our friends are responsible for my whereabouts. She looked me in the eyes and asked me ""are you okay?"" She asked it twice. I said yes, I'm okay, confused. I think she's concerned about my relationship. I guess I am now too. My bf is sweet and caring, but sometimes it's too much. Should I run for the hills? Or talk to him?",,43,sunny_74,2024-01-30 22:49:28 Feminism,1aew4wp,What are your feminist anthem playlist songs?,"So I have several like, badass, feminist anthem, fem power/rage songs and playlists in my Spotify. I wanted to share some of my favorites and hear what some of yours are too if you have any! (You can thank me later bc these are BOPS) Labour- Paris Paloma Can’t Catch Me Now, Vampire, Love is Embarrassing, Good 4 U, Brutal, Traitor- Olivia Rodrigo (Literally 90% of Olivia Rodrigos stuff) This is Why- Paramore Just A Girl- No Doubt You Should be sad, The Tradition, Easier Than Lying, Nightmare, Gasoline, Hurricane- Halsey Interlude: I’m Not Angry Anymore- Paramore Fuck You- Lilly Allen Alive, Bird Set Free- Sia Kill Bill- Sza The Man, tolerate it, ‘tis the damn season, champagne problems, mad woman, Mean, Vigilante Shit, Karma, and every other song Taylor Swift has ever made, especially Reputation Era. Women Don’t Owe You Shit- ASTON Dead Men Don’t Rape- Delilah Bon (a bit heavier if you like harder rock) I would also recommend Pussy Riot and Against Me! You should see me in a crown, happier than ever, bad guy- Billie Eilish Boys will be Boys, IDGAF- Dua Lipa No light no light, seven devils, kiss with a fist, dream girl evil, shake it out, what kind of man- Florence + The Machine Not your way, our own house, best I can do, revolution- Misterwives Problem, God is a woman, thank u next, Ariana grande About damn time, good as hell, truth hurts- Lizzo This is just an excerpt of some of my favorites!",,82,2012amica2,2024-01-30 18:55:33 Feminism,1aet2h2,Comments from men are getting to me... what should I do?,"Through all my life, I've been known as ugly, even by other ugly people, and even my own family. Ive been called ""Lizzo"" ""Mama Cass"" ""Amy Schumer"" it just goes on and on and on... And throughout all of my time at school I've been harassed by men for the way I look. One thing they love to do is pretend they love me, making kissing sounds, flirting with me, touching my behind and breasts, no matter how many times I've told them to stop. I'm currently at home alone after three men on my campus surrounded me and started trying to touch me while making gross kissing noises and comments at me. All of these comments need to stop. I'm tired of being ignored by people, and when I'm not, im being insulted and sexually harassed by them. I recently scheduled (hope I spelled right) a liposuction and some surgery to get rid of my baby face, im also planning on finally trying makeup. Should I go ahead and change my body to make myself attractive (and hopefully get more positive attention), or should I try and stop this bullshit in some other ways. Overall, I think this perfectly explains why we need feminism in society, because the way men treat women they deem unattractive...",,112,Darkgirlmew,2024-01-30 16:53:17 Feminism,1aez5tp,Nine News Melbourne's doctored MP image causes sexism fury,,https://www.bbc.com/news/world-australia-68137013,50,BurtonDesque,2024-01-30 20:58:15 Feminism,1af7w5q,how liberal feminism turns into fasc*sm,,https://youtu.be/9a7LrWo47I0?si=Q07ADzvc-94pWWft,11,i_can_live_with_it,2024-01-31 03:23:41 Feminism,1af2qxn,Help build “my career story”,"I am a 29F mechanical engineer with a graduate degree and 4 years of experience. I am happy in my current role and projects that I work on. I started with this company in Sept 2022. I want to grow onto the next position which is from advanced mech dev engineer (current) to lead mech dev engineer in 2024. I constantly brought this up during my performance reviews through the year so my manager is not caught off guard with my ask. My manager rated 3 of my projects at 95%, 112%, and 115% for the year end review, so I know my work isn’t going unrecognized. I went into this performance evaluation feeling prepared. (Had all my accomplishments, goals, learning experiences highlighted, i threw in ss from coworkers appreciating my work). But I didn’t come out feeling as confident about it. In this review my manager asked me what “my story” was. And I don’t know how to answer that or build that up. Which is why I need some help! I also do not want to switch my job atm, because I like what I do and I get to wfh 2 days a week which is a nice bonus. I am aware asking for a promotion at one year mark may seem premature, but I am convinced I work way harder than my coworkers. I also recently oversaw a male colleague’s pay while he was sharing his screen and he is being paid more than me while being assigned much much less work. He also has a higher title while having a similar background as me. And he has been vocal about his poor performance reviews in the past. Which only made me more upset. How can I prepare going into career conversations with my boss? Any help, tips, resources to build “my story” would be appreciated! Really want to get that title change in 2024. TLDR - need a promotion in a year. Saw less competent male coworkers pay. Upset thay he makes more than me. Need advice to create “my career story”",,7,Platinum_Notgold,2024-01-30 23:24:26 Feminism,1aeksol,Is little research on menstruation and female medications our fault?,"I didn’t know a better place to ask this question. I was in a discussion the other day and brought up the fact that it was only very recently that period products started being tested with actual blood and how there is very little research that goes into menstruation. I also talked about how women’s bodies have been overlooked in the past and most research has been done on the male bodies which are (surprise surprise) quite different from us. Which is why a lot of medication and products we use might not be fit for us. Someone then pointed out that if it’s such a problem then why aren’t the women in STEM doing anything about it right now? And why aren’t any women doing said research to work on this issue. He also said that it’s easy to complain, and rather we should be doing something about our gender specific problems before calling the r&d field sexist. This was really hurtful and I didn’t know how to reply. Can someone please help?",,94,Strong-Medium-8642,2024-01-30 09:49:21 Feminism,1aexsrr,Polish Prime Minister Tusk withdraws former government’s challenge to European convention on domestic violence,,https://notesfrompoland.com/2024/01/30/tusk-withdraws-former-governments-challenge-to-european-convention-on-domestic-violence/,12,BubsyFanboy,2024-01-30 20:02:34 Feminism,1aeiznc,My Husband and I Tried the 'Fair Play' Cards—And Here’s What Happened,"In the year of our Lord 2024, women are still doing most of the housework and chores compared to men. While men continue to expect women to take on their mothers’ roles as matriarchal maids, nurses, nannies, and caretakers, and be a pretty toy to fuck/look at.",https://theeverymom.com/fair-play-cards/,88,2012amica2,2024-01-30 07:40:30 Feminism,1ae4riu,Who are r/movies most disliked actors? You guessed it,,https://i.redd.it/iobtszogrffc1.png,650,edaiic,2024-01-29 20:06:33 Feminism,1adyg93,Just average antifeminist man failing in the system they defend things,,https://i.redd.it/z6tebhgohefc1.jpeg,1377,onlyforsex,2024-01-29 15:50:44 Feminism,1af1342,How sexist is reddit?,"Before you answer Does it pertain to genders in relationships? If so please reply. This is in the feminism subreddit because 1. I want to know what someone here thinks 2. Maybe one or two people would be nice to hear an answer and I might as well pertain this to the entire subreddit of r/feminism Also, do show proof if you agree or disagree.",,0,tinybrainbigmind,2024-01-30 22:15:44 Feminism,1aeakx8,I feel like a fake feminist,"I love being independent. I'm married and close with my family, but I have always identified as being strong and independent. My parents made sure I learned how to do ""manly things"", plumbing, cars, building, etc. In the past week I have needed to be bailed out by a man due to car trouble. I was driving my husband's car and popped a tire after running over some unavoidable metal in the road. I can change a tire no problem but my husband's car has a special lug nut on that requires a tool that he had accidentally taken out of his car. I had to call him to come ""rescue"" me so I could get to work. Then again today I needed to jump start my car and in the process locked my keys in the car, so my dad had to bring me my spare key. I know these are all out of my control and it doesn't mean I'm incapable, but it makes me feel like some kind of damsel in distress. Anyone else feel this way? Like somehow I'm falling to the patriarchy by needed a man's help at all, even though I know that's not the case.",,43,CaptainFinancial6201,2024-01-30 00:11:45 Feminism,1adyjfg,Men's cruelty: watch this artistic experiment,,https://youtube.com/shorts/iEKc9gUWdlU?si=3QOt7AwDbQ0IVQUm,129,TheWholeBakery01,2024-01-29 15:54:37 Feminism,1aeb6u3,This is how I feel separated after 25 years.,"In the tapestry of tales, you once believed, A checklist unfolds, sleeves rolled, perceived. Empathy, the essence, the thread interweaved. Time, a dancer, swirling in rhythmic climb, Each expectation, a weight, builds with effort, the time. Love, a labor, harder work, a paradigm. Dig deep, seek the cracks, self-reflection's art, The narrative sculpted, mending each part. The burden is mine, to mend, to restart. Self-care, they preach, the elusive key, A stone transformed, an unexpected decree. Always me, the custodian of my destiny. Gathered are things, food, money's embrace, Yet don't dismiss desires' fiery embrace. The stone wall whispers, confined to its space. Time strides forth, fatigue takes its toll, The body shifts, a story to unfold. Veil lifted, thunder echoes, plea untold. Cries for help, like whispers in the breeze, The stone listens, but to others, it appeases. Yet when broken, the stone retreats with ease. Why linger when the human appliance wanes? The stone departs, unheeding the pains. In the silence, echoes of what remains.",,18,ILikeCoffeeAnd,2024-01-30 00:40:21 Feminism,1adme78,"Divya Deshmukh, an Indian women's grandmaster shared her thoughts about how women are treated in the chess world.",,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/1adme78,392,Liberal-fascist,2024-01-29 04:18:09 Feminism,1aeh7ii,"I remember watching the TV Show ""Charmed"" as a child. Looking upon TOH, I was given pleasant nostalgia",,https://i.redd.it/pny0sjhzjifc1.png,3,ClaireDacloush,2024-01-30 05:45:40 Feminism,1aea57t,Female solo entrepreneur,"Hi Im a woman entrepreneur who recently launched a fashion production business. Im finding it very odd that many friends/family when they first find out I started my business their first question is “Oh ! Who are you business partners?” At first I thought it was probably just random question. But it’s repeatedly the first and only question these people are asking me! Now its starting to feel sexist like they can’t believe a woman would start her own business like that?! What do you think? ",,5,Initial_Spinach3927,2024-01-29 23:52:03 Feminism,1adsqm1,‘A trauma upon a trauma’: Denial of Oct. 7 sexual violence haunts local survivors,,https://jweekly.com/2024/01/25/a-trauma-upon-a-trauma-denial-of-oct-7-sexual-violence-haunts-local-survivors/,41,tristessellate,2024-01-29 11:02:04 Feminism,1ad87yk,I’m so pissed that so many people are still glamorising the r*pist Kobe Bryant.,"It's incredibly frustrating to see people abandoning any moral compass when a celebrity they like does something horrible. I genuinely hope that those who are still making posts saying how much they miss him and wishing him to ""rest in peace"" are simply unaware of his actions. However, throughout the last four years I have seen hundreds of comments, unfortunately even from women, either denying what happened or, worse, justifying it because he “apologised” or “he’s dead now”. I hate how the glamorisation of a r*pist is so widely normalized.",,866,ellieaniston021,2024-01-28 17:43:27 Feminism,1adiz91,Why do like to dumb myself when im talking to men?,"Im a feminist and Its not something im proud of, I correct it inmediately because I dont need to degrade myself that way, but I It seems incredible to me that the first instinct is that I like the idea of ​​being the stupid one, I think it is an example of how much we women have our heads screwed up because of this sexist society",,61,GMar_02,2024-01-29 01:26:11 Feminism,1adrf8f,A useful Infographic going over women in parliament by country I found on instagram,https://www.instagram.com/p/C2pr8WIBRut/?igsh=dXQxNXZoYmdlajZi,,10,Forsaken-Chemist-351,2024-01-29 09:33:18 Feminism,1ad1r6v,I don't understand why men think they're entitled to a relationship,"My friend was recently asked out by a guy from our college and she politely turned him down, explaining that she's not really looking for a relationship right now. He got annoyed and started saying that women don't appreciate nice guys like him. Honestly, I could rant forever about these self-proclaimed ""nice guys"". They're not genuinely nice, they're strategic. They act all nice to manipulate their way into a relationship. That's why they're always whining about their supposed niceness because for them being nice is just a means to an end. Real nice and kind people are selfless. They do things without expecting anything in return. Unlike these guys who seem to think they deserve a reward just for basic decency. These guys feel entitled to a relationship simply because they've been nice. When faced with rejection, instead of reflecting on their own behavior, they often blame the woman and refuse to accept that she simply may not be interested and it's not a personal attack on them. They fail to introspect and consider that their own actions or personality might be the issue.",,454,ilovefrenchfriestoo,2024-01-28 12:37:13 Feminism,1acrela,I wish!,,https://i.redd.it/6be1goo293fc1.jpeg,1041,AdNo9472,2024-01-28 02:02:05 Feminism,1aelamu,Is this compliment sexist,"I a university age male had a disagreement with a female student who I will call Alice. In short, a third student said they were interested in a Girl and I suggested in a joking way to say “You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen”. Alice said that this is a sexist thing to say, and I disagreed. When I tried to reconcile this difference in opinion Alice very quickly started to get loud, I, not wanting to be shouted at in the cafeteria went silent. I still believe what this isn’t sexist and was wanting a third opinion. From what I got from Alice it seemed that she didn’t like that the word “thing” was used. Here are two objections I have to this. * Saying “You are the most beautiful person I have ever seen” is a lesser compliment, it excludes a whole manner of beautiful things such as the stars or sunsets. * If I said “I’ve seen a-lot, you are the most beautiful by far” would this compliment with the exact same meaning not be sexist purely because of the exclusion of “thing”. &#x200B; EDIT: Some of these replies having been incite-full but some are just mean. &#x200B; Some have said that because the person in question said it was sexist it is, my question is what if I had a women tell me the opposite, would it now be not sexist. If or not the comment is sexist should be the same regardless of the interpreter (in my opinion at least). &#x200B; EDIT 2: I have responded to a majority of the commenta, for some reason they are only visible to me. Not sure why this is happening this is my first reddit post. &#x200B;",,0,[deleted],2024-01-30 10:24:09 Feminism,1acws0i,“Guilty Pleasures”,"Has anyone ever noticed that the concept of a “guilty pleasure” is really just misogyny rewrapped? 9 out of 10 times when someone mentions a “guilty pleasure” it’s some stereotypical feminine thing like rom-coms, Frappuccinos, or professional manicures. It’s just a sneaky way to say that feminine stuff is embarrassing and shameful. It seems like we as women aren’t allowed to *enjoy* anything. If we express liking something, we’re either lying or that thing is stupid anyway. But of course we can’t say we don’t like anything, because then we’re joyless and prudish. So we have to enjoy things in a way that is acceptable to men (by shaming ourselves for it or deferring to them whenever it comes up). Then marketers have to play this fun game of advertising these feminine activities and products to us while of course acknowledging how shameful it is to like it for the sake of liking it, like how all beauty products are about “empowerment” now. It’s not about being *feminine*, it’s about *being yourself*. Which is not traditionally feminine, because that would be embarrassing. Instead purchasing fancy perfume is a “guilty pleasure”, something you have to properly beat yourself up about before you can truly enjoy it. ",,121,InsaneJul,2024-01-28 07:02:37 Feminism,1ach9xh,The comments make me roll my eyes back into my head,,https://i.redd.it/6sekbauh9uec1.jpeg,1232,tardisismine,2024-01-27 18:23:20 Feminism,1acho38,Pretty much exactly what I hear when someone says this,,https://i.redd.it/qxc90qm921fc1.jpeg,941,Hairy-Special-6077,2024-01-27 18:40:22 Feminism,1acihkj,Thing that should come as a surprise to absolutely no one - Bill Maher is a smug sexist.,"I was nonconsensually\* watching his show and he started talking about the Barbie movie and how feminists are apparently outraged by the lack of Oscar nominations. I was very shocked by the news that I was, in fact, upset about how the Barbie movie was doing at the Oscars. He then went on to ask, in a comically faux-bad boy kind of way, if the patriarchy was still REALLY a thing. He and his guests, Seth MacFarlane and Adam Schiff, then proceeded to discuss the wage gap. Adam Schiff basically tried to say, in a tastefully jocular way, that the wage gap is real because women face complex issues. Seth MacFarlane said some stuff I don't remember. Bill Maher said there were REASONS for the gap, and that it wasn't like in this day and age you can just PAY SOMEONE LESS for being ""having to squat to pee."" My impression of Bill Maher has always been that he's a limousine liberal whose contrarian and mean-spirited style didn't suit my taste. I thought he was obviously smart and occasionally funny, but mostly, I didn't understand why he needed to act like such a smug jerk about everything. In my personal life, I don't like people who act as though painful issues are just some big joke that they're too evolved to take seriously. So I don't like it in public figures either and now I literally never want to hear his douchy voice again. It seriously pissed me off that NOT ONE of these three white male panelists said anything to the effect of ""Maybe 3 straight cis guys aren't in the best position to decide whether or not there's still a patriarchy."" \*I live with someone who watches every week",,400,Cesmina12,2024-01-27 19:15:58 Feminism,1aceqbj,I was harshly downvoted for pointing out the racist hypocrisy of men in my Country,"My home country is very patriarchal, and issues like victim blaming, femicides, and sexual harassment happen all the time, much more frequently than in Western societies. The thing is, our country is having a lot of illegal immigrants from cultures that might even increase the rate of these incidents. The same men who are prone to victim blaming in cases of femicide or harassment are completely united against it when the perpetrator is an immigrant, as if it's not the same shit. I pointed this out and was harshly downvoted. I don't frequently use Reddit; is it a bad thing to say my opinion in these kinds of subs?",,421,gullubom,2024-01-27 16:33:04 Feminism,1acmp9g,Why do older men harass younger women so often?,"How come every time a young woman asks this question, they are gaslight by Men/Pick Me's and just told it's ""biological""? I don't need to explain how stupid it sounds to say men approach women in their 20s because of ""biology""? Like ALL women in their 20s are attractive? And like finding someone physically attractive MAKES you approach them? Good. So what's the real answer?",,118,Lovehandsomemen313,2024-01-27 22:22:23 Feminism,1actzc9,Is Labyrinth (1986) too problematic to show to my kid?,"First off, I’m so sorry, I’m new to this sub and hope it’s the right place to ask this. But I would really like some feminist insights on this one… I’m an old millenial and grew up watching Labyrinth (1986) pretty much on repeat. There weren’t many interesting movies with a strong female protagonist in those days, and I just loved the story, the characters, the weird universe, and - of course - David Bowie. God, he was so hot 😅 This movie was pretty much my sexual awakening. It was only when I got older that I realized how problematic the whole thing was. The age difference. The creepy menacing vibe. The whole thing is borderline rape culture-ish. And yet. I still believe this movie has a lot going on for it, that it is a visual treat, tells a wonderful and - all things considered - inspiring and empowering story. I loved it and would love to share this with my 8yo girld… but… but…. Do I really want this movie to potentially be (part of) her sexual awakening?? How problematic do you think this movie actually is? Would you show it to your kids?",,34,No-Management-2729,2024-01-28 04:16:55 Feminism,1acic07,Kenya femicide: Hundreds protest at violence against women,,https://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-68116854,120,BurtonDesque,2024-01-27 19:09:13 Feminism,1acnr4b,WOMEN IN POLITICS 2023,"This data from the UN tells us that women are still the minority of Heads of State and Government. They are still deeply under-represented in government leadership, at less than one in four Cabinet Ministers, with men continuing to dominate critical portfolios such as the economy, defence, and energy.",https://hermitology.me/f/women-in-politics-2023,31,TheHermitologist,2024-01-27 23:08:42 Feminism,1acmwxa,Can we talk about the Taylor Swift Ai photos?,Like WTF?? I hope this isn't just brushed off. No doubt in my mind Taylor has seen them herself...just disgusting. I see this happening to more female celebrities.,,30,Lovehandsomemen313,2024-01-27 22:31:55 Feminism,1ac2fgv,Women need to be PAID for going through pregnancy and childbirth,"The government should be paying women handsomely for their sacrifice. And you can't even put a price on health. Pregnancy, childbirth and post-partum is extremely taxing physically and mentally. There is pain, literal torture. Horrific side-effects and health issues some of which can be lifelong. Women need clauses in their prenups stating that if there are children, they will be compensated for what they go through to bring life into the world. There should be a clause that any and every health issue and concern that comes up down the line will be covered. Thoughts? Much more legislation is needed to protect women. And lawyers will get a good deal out of it too, drawing up these protective contracts.",,497,Master-End3828,2024-01-27 04:31:51 Feminism,1ad6cyg,I feel bad that men are nice to me," My roommate keeps on talking about how sad she is that all men have an agenda and that they have an ulterior motive when befriending her. One of her best friends from high school recently confessed that he was attracted to her and she vented to me about it. Of course I sympathized but deep down I felt bad about not having the same outlook she has. She’s a lot more cautious with men and that’s because she has more bad experiences but in my experience men have been nice to me. I have genuine friends who are male and I remember when the Barbie movie came out I felt bad I couldn’t relate to it like others can. The most I can relate to is the beauty standard stuff but men have never really liked me even just for my body and I feel sad I haven’t experienced being objectified. Am I a real woman if I have never been treated as an object which is apparently a universal experience? There was also this tiktok trend where women were talking about the universal experience of having to listen to a man play his guitar for you and I never experienced it. The thought of having a man do that for me makes me excited and I think it’s sweet but I pretend to be disgusted like all my other friends just so I can call myself a feminist. I wish I could also complain about how much I’m being treated like a pretty face because at least I’d be desirable. It’s so fucked up and I wonder if this is discussed in feminist circles.",,0,shylilanon,2024-01-28 16:24:04 Feminism,1acgwzw,Anime Has a Villainess Problem,,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9R68iV4E9Q,18,ClaireDacloush,2024-01-27 18:07:48 Feminism,1ad50rn,"Feminists of Reddit, do you adhere to the movement as whole or cherry pick key notions in the different waves?","Working on a school paper and there is little to no research on my specific question. I was hoping to get some feedback on your end. Personal experience Links/sources/sauce All the aforementioned would be greatly appreciated Thanks a bunch!",,0,CanadianPhook,2024-01-28 15:25:09 Feminism,1abpfhy,"Texas had estimated 26,000 pregnancies from rape since total abortion ban",,https://www.dallasnews.com/news/public-health/2024/01/25/texas-had-estimated-26000-pregnancies-from-rape-since-total-abortion-ban/,556,audiomuse1,2024-01-26 18:36:56 Feminism,1abive7,Flabbergasted by story my cousin’s school is using to teach children to read.,How does this not teach kids from a young age that women must take sole responsibility of taking care of the family? Very appalling.,https://i.redd.it/g5uqe7dcisec1.jpeg,1173,Aromatic_Net9068,2024-01-26 13:54:25 Feminism,1acgm5v,The Case For The Legend Of Korra,,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3VCDB5iX2o,0,ClaireDacloush,2024-01-27 17:54:55 Feminism,1abwbde,Highs and Lows of Women's portrayal in Anime,,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCGlnDaQ5kc,20,ClaireDacloush,2024-01-26 23:30:03 Feminism,1abwt9l,What would you do about an otherwise-good mechanic who told tons of dirty jokes?,"I got my van worked on by a local mechanic. This was the only mechanic I could find in town that would do this repair. Time will tell if the repairs work ( radiator) but my beef is that the mechanic kept telling dirty jokes. Lots of references to how various animals have sex, how chickens only have one ""orfice"", how cats get pregnant by multiple males except the firts male - he just ""opens her up"" for next males, how he watched his kids be born & wife had to be ""stitched up,"" talked about a doctor friend who delivered a 9 year old child's baby and a 60 year old's, & he knew someone who had twins by 2 different men. He was a friendly person and a talker, so at first I chuckled, until it got old. My van was there for 3 days and on day 2 I vowed not to allow any more dirty jokes, and to demand a write up of his estimate. The first thing you said was, do you wanna hear a joke? And I said not if it's a dirty joke. The joke he proceeded to tell wasn't dirty. But then the conversation drifted and he started talking about the chicken, cats, and woman pregnant by two men. I told him I'd need confirmation from a scientist and he shouldn't be telling me that about a family member, ie digging my feet in. He said he didn't know the pregnant woman and didn't seem to understand that that was inappropriate to be talking aabout since I'd already brought up no more dirty jokes, and he kept talking. So I told him, "" that's enough"". In the course of the rest of the conversation he asked me some fairly personal questions like whether or not I had kids and how old I was. I didn't give an answer to the age question, starting to get the sense he was asking for reasons that might be inappropriate, Although in all fairness, I had asked him if his shop mechanics were his sons and he had told me about his family. So it could have been an innocent/conversational question, but combined with the sexual jokes, It just struck me as odd in that moment. ( I'm young enough to be his daughter.) This was when I was on my way out the door when my van was done. This place was worthy of a four or five star review otherwise -- showed me what was wrong, gave options instead of demanding a complete overhaul, didn't overcharge (I looked it up), His wife was nice and made me coffee. Nothing about it was bad except for the jokes. Meanwhile, he has lots of good reviews on Google with no mention of bad jokes. And I don't want to taint his shop reputation or create an enemy of the only shop that would fix my van. What would you do? I thought about calling and telling him or telling his wife it was offensive, or leaving a Google review. I just feel angry about it thinking about it more and want him and his wife to know that that was inappropriate, and that I can't help but wonder if he talked like that because i'm a younger woman. I don't want to let it slide because i've made a new year's resolution to stand up for myself in the nuances intead of just things that are really really bad.",,19,No_Celery9390,2024-01-26 23:52:19 Feminism,1abryjh,Participate in Women's Research! University Study Researching Ethnicity and Female Genital Self-Image,"**Sex Education, Parental Attitudes, and Gender Role Beliefs: Explaining Ethnic Differences in Female Genital Self-Image** **Principal Investigator:** Jan Cioe, Ph.D., R.Psych., Psychology Department, UBC Okanagan, email: [jan.cioe@ubc.ca](mailto:jan.cioe@ubc.ca) **Co-Investigators:** Olivia Solano, Undergraduate Student, Psychology Department, UBC Okanagan, email: [osolano@student.ubc.ca](mailto:osolano@student.ubc.ca) Samantha Maki, Research Coordinator, Psychology Department, UBC Okanagan, email: [hsexualitylab@gmail.com](mailto:hsexualitylab@gmail.com) **Description:** The purpose of this study is to examine ethnic differences in women’s perceptions of their vulvas. The research also aims to identify the relationship between ethnicity and genital self-image. Existing literature on women’s genital self-image has been conducted with primarily White women, with very little literature investigating the influence of ethnicity and culture on self-appearance ratings. Therefore, it is necessary to identify ethnic differences that may exist to better support women of all backgrounds. If you choose to participate in this study, you will complete an online, cloud-based survey using the Qualtrics Survey platform. This study will involve answering questions about your perceptions of your own vulva. You will also be asked to complete a demographics questionnaire and to answer survey questions about conversations of sex-related topics with your parents, your parents' attitudes toward sex, and your own gender role beliefs. The current study is of a sensitive nature and includes consideration of your satisfaction with your vulva. Participation in this survey should take approximately 60 minutes to complete. We ask that you complete the survey in one sitting. Please do not start the survey until you feel that you will be able to complete the session within the time allotted. This survey will be active until March 4, 2024. You will have the opportunity to win one of four $50 (CAD) gift cards. After you have submitted your responses to the survey, you will see a hotlink you must click in order to be entered into the draw. You must provide a means of contact (e.g., email) and complete a skill testing question in order to be entered. The information you provide cannot be connected back to you in any way; it is only used to enter you into the Amazon Canada gift card draw. To participate, you must be, you must be a cisgender woman of colour at least 18 years old; you must reside in North America; and must be able to read English at a grade 10 level. Survey link: [https://ubc.ca1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV\_9HPjqCV7jnzwwlM](https://ubc.ca1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_9HPjqCV7jnzwwlM)",,27,Itchy-Quote8048,2024-01-26 20:24:53 Feminism,1ac0tp0,"So an idea came to me...what if, and hear me out. The tv show, movie franchise, video game, or anime that you were watching had all the characters gender-swapped. Would it be an improvement?",,https://i.redd.it/h9sz3bwpfwec1.png,8,ClaireDacloush,2024-01-27 03:06:53 Feminism,1ac7s6y,I just got Twitter (not happy to be supporting Elon Musk but my sociology teacher recommended we get it) any recommendations of who to follow?,"Not just feminists but anyone left leaning. I'm also interested in accounts regarding class, racism and LGBTQA+ rights",,0,HiMaintainceMachine,2024-01-27 10:14:38 Feminism,19fnuum,Sixty-one women in Iran prison begin hunger strike after Amini protester executed,,https://www.thenationalnews.com/mena/iran/2024/01/25/sixty-one-women-in-iran-prison-begin-hunger-strike-after-amini-protester-executed/,284,SabziPoloBaMahee,2024-01-26 00:04:11 Feminism,19f9fiu,AI porn of taylor swift has 22M views on twitter,"Men are horrific sometimes I'll say. Especially with how vocal they are about their indifference or outright hatred for Taylor swift to begin with, they all seem to band together to get in some cheap shots. I don't listen to her music, it's not for me, but the weird amount of hate she gets is saddening. This whole thing also brings to mind how men are able to hate and despise women with their whole being and STILL want to objectify and have sex with them. They hate how we talk, how we act, how we behave with our friends, they hate when we take selfies (seriously, the amount of hatred women get for taking selfies is so pathetic). They hate [vocal fry](https://youtu.be/WDfJn1kcQuU?si=XjrEzNVxWpCBVdTZ) look at this video's comments. They baffle me every time. But men's hatred of women isn't enough for them to want to have sex with us. They hate everything about us until they can have sex with us. That's something that's always disturbed me.",,1002,RadcliffeMalice,2024-01-25 13:33:19 Feminism,19fnn6e,I hate being underestimated,"I work in a very male oriented workplace. I am working towards my masters in Mechanical Engineering, at a prestigious university. I take place in out of school clubs, I work on cars, I’m working towards a high 2:1 or maybe a 1st. I know what I’m on about. Today, I was told to take some measurements on an online platform for a certain project. The files where a mess and I could not find the part that needed to be measured. My supervisor came over to ask if everything was ok and this other guy (naming him L) who I’ve had problems with before, jumped at the opportunity to snatch my laptop away and say “I’m helping her!” (He had not offered to help me in any way before the supervisor came around, nor did he ask if I wanted help). Normally I’m fine with this, but from him it annoyed me straight away. I let him show me where the file was and tried to carry on with my work. He then starts to mansplain horrifically about how to do my job. I have been a part of this project for 2 years more than him, I am 2 years older than him and I am 2 years ahead of him in his degree (and I’m doing better than him). I had to say to him “I know how to do this job, I’ve been a part of this for 2 years”, which caused him to say “well done! You did it all by yourself!” When I had completed the task. Similar things have happened during my degree and I’m fed up with it. This man is two years younger than me!! How is this acceptable! I have many other rants about other things that he does but this hasn’t really got on my nerves.",,144,Ok_Occasion_7865,2024-01-25 23:54:44 Feminism,19fmrgy,What Miscarriage Is Like in Texas...,,https://www.newsweek.com/i-miscarried-texas-doctors-abortion-law-1861677,118,AlysonBurgers,2024-01-25 23:15:00 Feminism,19fi9hr,"Hello! This is a feminist history story I, and the unwilling participant in my inbox, wrote.","Ornery History: 19th Century Women and Their (censored) Minds 𝘐𝘵’𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭 𝘩𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘺, 𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘣𝘺 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘳𝘺 𝘥𝘶𝘥𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘴𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘦. I’m using the term insane asylum to stay historically accurate. Now we would call this a psychiatric hospital and thankfully due to feminists and human rights activists, they operate a bit differently. Steven, for all his claims of knowing what type of men are on my page, didn’t seem to understand that my bit is not to find a date, but to teach the most unwilling of students. (Hey Reddit! Although it isn’t quite as clear on this platform, my intention with these stories is to teach important history in an entertaining way. I do love if the man learns, but my focus is truly on everyone else who then reads these on my social medias.)",https://www.reddit.com/gallery/19fi9hr,84,Lets_Not_Date,2024-01-25 19:59:01 Feminism,19fnot6,What is the solution to explorative sex work in a capitalist/post colonial world? Is non-exploitative sex work even possible?,"I wanted to start a discussion about sex work and legality because it's a topic I've been thinking a lot about lately. I support sex work being legal because if it's illegal it just punishes disadvantaged women, but lately I've been wavering on that stance as I've had two experiences that have affected me. The first was visiting Amsterdam in the summer and stopping by the redlight district, which was one of the most disgusting experiences of my life. I've attended burlesque shows, I've gone to sex parties, I'm no prude, and I thought the redlight district would have the same fun sexually liberated feeling as those events. It did not, me and my partner felt like we were human meat market, and by the time we made it out of there we felt ill. Not only did the girls (because it was mostly women) look uninterested, some of them looked straight up sad. We also noticed that many (most?) of the girls were not European, or else were from Ukraine, it added a strange racial element to this human meat market that made it even more sickening as most of the would-be customers were Western European or North American. We heard one girl's accent and were pretty sure she was from my partner's country (Colombia), which made us feel especially sad and uncomfortable as it was clear her potential customers were exotifying her. The other experience I have is related to how people have been reacting to a news article that's been going around. I live in Colombia and there is a lot of very exploitative sex tourism here (prostitution is legal here), and recently there have been a string of robberies, where women will go on dates with foreign men, drug them and rob them. People have been talking about what a shame this is, those poor men etc. However, I have a hard time feeling sympathy for these men because frankly I view these robbery victims as ""would be exploiters"" who themselves ended up being exploited. I don't know if that's fair or not, but it's how I feel because many of these foreign men come here specifically to ""find a Colombian woman"" even if they are not participating in prostitution, and treat Colombian women like they are a commodity. Of course part of the reason they treat Colombian women like a commodity is because prostitution is legal, which creates this strange neo-colonial relationship. **TLDR: I've been thinking a lot about the intersection of sex work, the commodification of people, and colonialism, and I'm having a harder time feeling like sex work should be legal, however making it illegal just pushes it underground, so what is the solution here?**",,33,Pure-Egg3160,2024-01-25 23:56:42 Feminism,19figp7,"Report: Over 26,000 Rape Related Pregnancies in Texas Since the Abortion Ban Started",,https://medium.com/@chrisjeffrieshomelessromantic/report-over-26-000-rape-related-pregnancies-in-texas-since-the-abortion-ban-started-5dab8fa6f571,38,thehomelessr0mantic,2024-01-25 20:07:10 Feminism,19fmegc,Korra’s Beautiful Story of Maturity,,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c4z5f88qKLY,11,ClaireDacloush,2024-01-25 22:59:14 Feminism,19f22v1,American nightmare,"I haven't seen anyone talk about the American Nightmare documentary here and I'm kind of shocked about that. This documentary is prime shining example of misogyny. Matt was BEGGING to be caught and could have been A MILLION times but the male cops talked women out of reporting, told the women they were lying, or simply didn't do anything about it in every instance. And there were so many instances. The ONLY REASON these two weren't charged for crimes after being assaulted is because of one woman cop. I would like to think if I were a cop and I didn't believe a single word coming from this couple, that I would still do the minimum needed to investigate what they said. Tracing the cell was a minimum effort move and it could have prevented her second rape. But they found it easier to go on TV and say she owed the community an apology. Id love to hear your thoughts on this from a feminism standpoint.",,87,lurkernomore99,2024-01-25 05:35:07 Feminism,19er4jl,"Since Roe fell, rape has led to an estimated 58,979 pregnancies in states that ban abortion without exception for rape, a new study has found.",,https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamainternalmedicine/fullarticle/2814274,395,chronic-venting,2024-01-24 20:59:13 Feminism,19etgjg,At what point does it become sexual harassment?,"I (32f) work at a bar, today a 70-something year old “good ‘ole boy” farmer came in. When he was leaving, he asked me if I had a husband or boyfriend. When I asked why, his reply was “because a girl with green hair has always been on my bucket list”. I do have green hair. I do work at a punky dive bar in a rural area. I often have to deflect weird comments, usually with a feisty quick witted response. Why do men think it’s okay to harass bartenders when they can’t escape them? We’re paid to stand behind the bar and smile! Thankfully I have an amazing boss and I’m welcome to tell anyone to get the fuck out with full support, but I shouldn’t have to. I deal with those types of men often but this encounter really got to me.",,240,trixieroyale,2024-01-24 22:34:45 Feminism,19erm8f,"A recent study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association has estimated a staggering 26,313 rape-related pregnancies in Texas within 16 months following the state’s enactment of a total abortion ban.",,https://theintellectualist.com/texas-rape-related-pregnancies-abortion-ban-study/,269,Intellectualist_,2024-01-24 21:19:06 Feminism,19ep7t4,"Stanley cups, backlash to women-centered trends, and glorified hyperconsumerism",,https://open.substack.com/pub/reclaimingthenewsletter/p/two-girls-one-stanley-cup?r=s2bqk&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcome=true,185,Careless_One6439,2024-01-24 19:41:27 Feminism,19etnx9,How many women artists can the average person name?,"Hey all! I’m working on a project about women artists throughout history, and I was wondering how many the average person (meaning a person who didn’t go to art school/works as a professional artist) can name. If you’re interested please send me a list of all the women artists (painters, sculptors, printmakers, performance artists, etc) you can name off the top of your head!",,55,StitchyBitch93,2024-01-24 22:43:27 Feminism,19f6hr4,Memoir recommendations,"Hello. I want to read memoirs from a lot of women. However, I find out that my library only has memoirs of white women: Lady Diana, Britney Spears, etc... I want to read memoirs and biographies of notable women of color from all around the word, however i have a hard time finding them. I want to read about Frida Kahlo, Harriet Tubman, Katherine Johnson, Mary Jackson, Dorothy Vaughan, Queen Mother Yaa Asanteewaa, Enheduanna, Lozen, Maitreyi but that's all the woc in history that I know. Yeah, not a lot, that's why I want to know more. I want to know more about non white women in history (even contemporary history!). Women from the Middle East / Asia / Oceania or BIPOC women or Caucasian women (and by caucasian i mean coming from the Caucasus geographic region, NOT white/western/european). Especially those who were scientists or artists or activists. &#x200B;",,4,EmergencyPause1,2024-01-25 10:39:47 Feminism,19exn0m,The UK Parliament has set up an inquiry into birth trauma,"Anybody living in the UK can potentially submit a word doc about their experience(s) with birth trauma. I hope that plenty of people make submissions because this country is still a horrific mess to give birth in, even if there are worse out there (a low bar!) If you’re a Brit who is affected by this issue consider giving this a look.",https://www.theo-clarke.org.uk/birth-trauma,17,Impressive-Kale-9084,2024-01-25 01:41:35 Feminism,1abh2hc,Why Feminists Should Embrace Veganism,,https://palanajana.substack.com/p/why-feminists-should-embrace-veganism-6e57416cf799,0,Somewhere74,2024-01-26 12:20:05 Feminism,19evlzn,"Here’s a fun story for you, courtesy of my small hometown (TW: drugs, coercion)",,https://www.justice.gov/usao-wdva/pr/charlottesville-man-arrested-operating-east-coast-prostitution-ring,15,2012amica2,2024-01-25 00:06:29 Feminism,19eo39p,Margot deserved a nomination.,"First of all, I don’t say this to discredit the women who WERE nominated, I am sure they’re all very deserving of their recognition and I applaud them. But I’m so sick of people saying Margot Robbie didn’t perform well enough to be nominated, as if she wasn’t snubbed on purpose by the Academy to make a point. Men in the entertainment industry are doing everything they can to make sure Barbie is not recognized as a “serious” film or character. You can’t give the Oscar to “a doll with big boobies,” after all! /s Margot’s performance is being brushed off as silly, unserious, sub-par, despite being the main reason the film was so successful in any capacity. That IS Barbie’s story. That’s the story of the film. Everyone was thrilled to go on and on about Margot when it first came out, but lo and behold, now that it’s no longer the shiny glittery cash cow it was at first, who cares if she gets her recognition? “Barbie wasn’t even that good, anyway… “ well, you all certainly weren’t saying that when you walked out of the theatre with tears streaming down your faces. I think a lot of people are simply mad their favorite didn’t get picked, and that’s valid. But to claim that anyone upset about it is just a bitter white feminist is bullshit. It was a well-liked, successful, thought provoking movie. This isn’t just Marvel fans mad that a mid movie didn’t get every nom possible. It’s the fact that this movie was nearly universally praised at release but now it’s becoming uncool, even anti-feminist, to think it was a good or effective film. The only criticisms I’ve seen from most of these people are saying “I knew this level feminism in middle school,” which is just depressing to me. Imagine being so privileged that you think what is obvious to you is obvious to everyone else. I too learned about a lot of the movie’s message as a young teen, and I still learned something. It still moved me. And it opened the eyes of a lot of men, and older women like my grandmother. The message needed to be simple in order for people to think more deeply about the fundamentals of their understanding, without feeling like they were sitting through a university gender studies lecture. The problem is, while Oppenheimer was a “shoe-in” before it was even released, while Barbie has been a topic for debate even though it financially surpassed the success of Oppy. I’m irritated that Opp was basically guaranteed a nom before it was even seen, but Barbie is being written off as some silly girl power cash grab. Yes, Mattel was involved. Yes the movie was Ken-centric. How tf do you think they got a bunch of male executives to help fund the film? I just don’t get how women are somehow being blamed for being upset that men yet again are rewarded for the bare minimum while women do all the work and are later brushed off as inadequate.",,32,Technical-Hyena420,2024-01-24 18:56:20 Feminism,19e7eqg,Even Ryan Gosling has his grievances with how Barbie has been treated by Hollywood,,https://i.redd.it/6edqaagt2bec1.png,522,ClaireDacloush,2024-01-24 03:25:19 Feminism,19e099c,I watched The Notebook again in 2024 and I’m in shock,"I’m in utter disbelief of what I’ve watched. In the first 10 minutes this random guy jumps on top of Allie to ask her out, and as he won’t take 10 no’s for an answer basically threathens to commit suicide in front of her in order to persuade this girl into going on a date with him. After this literally traumatising experience, he randomly finds her on the street like a god damn stalker and asks her another 5 times to please, oh please go out with him. How the hell was this such a succesful romantic movie in 2004? By these standards, “You” is a series about true love. The parallels between these two are gripping, and how differently they’ve been viewed with release dates just 14 years apart is beyond provoking. No wonder all the “good boys” won’t take no for an answer when this BS was considered romantic.",,849,plssolvemyproblems,2024-01-23 21:57:55 Feminism,19ecp59,"Calling male gametes ""seed"" and female gametes ""eggs"" is a patriarchal leftover from the times where men were considered to be the source of life and women just passive incubators.","From at least Aristoteles and likely far earlier, men were considered the full humans and the source of human life and soul, bearing the active ""seed"" which they would implant into a passive vessel called a woman for her to incubate it. The ""seed"" would then grow into a child which would be considered the descendant and creation of the man as the primary parent. Even in the modern time, male gametes are semijokingly called ""kids/children"" and there is still this underlying assumption that men are the ones who ""put babies inside women"". Women are never pregnant with their children, but with some man's. After looking into this a bit more, I have concluded this was bollocks (pun intended). Male gametes would more appropiately be compared to muck, or any fertiliser used to merely kickstart the whole process without any further input. Female gametes, on the othe hand, should be called seeds, since they are already within our mothers at their formation in the womb and do not come and go like the easily-replaced male gametes, grow and develop into a full organism through the nourishment the womb and the mother give it, just like the seed in the earth and sprout into full organism just like a flower might. Plus, a mother is always certain and plays an incomparably larger role in the childrearing than fathers. Why then should the father take all the credit? Why should fathers be considered our source when they only do an act of minimal investment and our mothers do so much more? Humanity should be matrilineal, not patrilineal. We are the seed of our mothers, not our fathers.",,81,[deleted],2024-01-24 08:48:19 Feminism,19epd33,contemporary feminist thinkers,"Hello, could u recommend some of ur fav feminist thinkers? thx in advance :)",,8,naughtyegirl666,2024-01-24 19:47:29 Feminism,19epkgs,The Disappearance of Shere Hite (documentary),"This looks so interesting I just wanted to share. trailer: [https://youtu.be/Y6ZbAzd77aA?si=EOM7YrrZ8b1Mfnbf](https://youtu.be/Y6ZbAzd77aA?si=EOM7YrrZ8b1Mfnbf) [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The\_Disappearance\_of\_Shere\_Hite](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Disappearance_of_Shere_Hite) &#x200B;",,6,nina-m0,2024-01-24 19:55:40 Feminism,19e72yj,"Ban 'parental alienation' arguments in family law cases, feminist coalition urges federal government",,https://www.ctvnews.ca/canada/ban-parental-alienation-arguments-in-family-law-cases-feminist-coalition-urges-federal-government-1.6738592?__vfz=medium%3Dsharebar,85,Brookeofthenorth,2024-01-24 03:08:58 Feminism,19e4gze,The cycle of political fertility abuse,"In regions where abortion and birth control are difficult to access or socially disparaged, women are more likely to become pregnant. Pregnancy begins at earlier ages and individuals have more children during their lives, meaning that the labor of parenting pre-school-aged children takes up a greater number of years. This interferes with the educational, career and social opportunities of people who can become pregnant. Parenthood costs a lot of money, takes a lot of time, and reduces a person's geographic mobility as couch-surfing, homelessness and shelters are much less practical options for people who have babies and toddlers. All of this adds up to a situation where women are predominantly dependent on men for economic survival for long periods of their lives with few alternatives. We talk about the hypocrisy of conservatives who oppose abortion yet also refuse to fund material assistance for children, but the reality is these policies are consistent with the strategy of politically disenfranchising women. Making women dependent on men creates a situation where women locate their interests in the power and approval of boyfriends, husbands and fathers, which in turn creates more voters for policies that reduce bodily and political autonomy for women. Reproductive justice is a political battleground intersecting with many other social justice causes and a major bulwark against fascism, and that's why fascists want to do away with it.",,78,Sad_Abbreviations318,2024-01-24 01:03:28 Feminism,19dt8zh,OBGYNs in abortion-ban states say they cannot provide the necessary medical care to pregnant women in abortion-ban states and are forced to watch them suffer.,"""One participant said, “You have somebody hemorrhaging with an intrauterine pregnancy with a heartbeat…I \[didn’t yet\] have legal coverage for that, but there’s only so many times you can transfuse somebody and they’re begging for their life before you say, ‘This is unconscionable.’” OBGYNs say they are suffering from depression, moral distress, anxiety, and fear of losing everything if they even talk to a patient about ending the pregnancy that is causing her to suffer and may kill her. Here's the JAMA study: [https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamanetworkopen/fullarticle/2814017#:\~:text=Findings%20In%20this%20qualitative%20study,and%20planned%20or%20actual%20attrition](https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamanetworkopen/fullarticle/2814017#:~:text=Findings%20In%20this%20qualitative%20study,and%20planned%20or%20actual%20attrition).",,277,Entire-Ad2551,2024-01-23 17:06:44 Feminism,19dsq1v,'Barbie' Fans Fume As Margot Robbie And Greta Gerwig Miss Out On Oscars Nominations For Hit Movie,,https://vt.co/entertainment/film-tv/barbiemargot-robbie-greta-gerwig-oscars-nominations-snub,209,VT-Guide,2024-01-23 16:44:44 Feminism,19dubgx,"Intimate partner violence is a precursor to homelessness, study finds — A statewide survey found that 1 in 5 unhoused women had lost their housing due to violence by an intimate partner. Many were victimized again while homeless.",,https://www.latimes.com/california/story/2024-01-23/one-in-five-homeless-women-have-experienced-violence-by-an-intimate-partner,148,Randomlynumbered,2024-01-23 17:54:22 Feminism,19drsgw,Sexism in everyday products design," Hello. I am an industrial design student in my second year. I am currently thinking about my research thesis topic for my next and final year. I am interested in sexism in the design of products. I was thinking about writing the essay and focusing on women's perspective since I thought we all have been disappointed in the past by products both women and men. However I am starting to change my mind again since my professors and fellow students have been very explicit on why sexism is a no no and I have to include all sexes and genders because the essay is going to be mostly judged by men (professors or potential employers). I know for a fact that depending on the field the research on women can be disappointing to non existing and I am not afraid to piss men neither as professors or employees for that matter (before I picked industrial design I was even discouraged by a professor because the industry asks for men and mistreats women. And I was very clear about not caring about the industry and only caring about what I want to study just for the sake of studying). Do you have any interesting ideas when it comes to products, research done or books relative to this specific matter if pick it as a thesis topic?",,163,DistractedCraftress,2024-01-23 16:05:31 Feminism,19dtdgm,Mary of Magdala was the first and truest radical “feminist” of the world and should be talked about more often. (This is not a political perspective but a logical one),"She defied the status quo of the time era of Jesus. Women were often sold off, owned as property, and unethically controlled by men. Being one of Jesus’s disciples, and most likely his right hand (wo)man- completely paved new roads for women. The fact that she and other women were noted to be there during his crucifixion, burial, and also his resurrection is *such* an important & significant part of the Bible. She was really the one that fully understood the gospels that Jesus taught and stayed by his side when no other did. It was unheard of for women to testify in that age let alone have any credibility to their words, and the fact that she was a witness to the resurrection and instructed by God to go before the other disciples and proclaim her sightings brought about a new chapter for women and their divine & righteous place in the world. This alone challenged the patriarchal norms of those days, breaking the barriers of gender inequality. It was only until the 6th century that pope Gregory the Great authoritatively proclaimed that she was a prostitute, although this is no where to be found in scripture. It matters that we clarify that Mary of Magdala was an exceptionally holy figure in the Bible stories, and should actually be spoken about more often- especially for young women as someone to look up to. It’s important to accurately depict Mary of Magdala as a trusted disciple, feminist trail blazer, and to not downplay her influence.",,83,theheartthinks,2024-01-23 17:14:07 Feminism,19dbcjn,Ew,,https://i.redd.it/t0xemxd353ec1.jpeg,1170,Sad-Personality-15,2024-01-23 00:35:37 Feminism,19dr2hi,What are your favorite female-centric films of the past few years?,"Hollywood has been putting out a lot more female-centric films beyond for the past few years. Which have been some of your favorites? Some of mine have been, in no particular order: ARE YOU THERE GOD? IT'S ME, MARGARET. A beautiful and honest coming of age story that seamlessly includes honest questions to God with everything else. My favorite film last year. THE FLORIDA PROJECT A child's perspective of a toxic environment that forces us to wrestle with the complexities of poverty. One of my all-time favorites and one of the most heartbreaking endings ever. INVISIBLE MAN A brilliantly scary horror film that seamlessly deals with its themes of domestic violence. EMMA One of the few Jane Austen adaptations to be worthy of--and at times elevate--the material. BODIES BODIES BODIES My favorite movie of 2022. Maybe the best satire of the flimsy foundations of virtue in the modern world. PRICILLA Maybe my favorite Sofia Coppola film. Subtle yet devastating film about being taken in by a toxic partner and then gaining the strength to leave them.",,57,TheOtherHolmesBro,2024-01-23 15:34:30 Feminism,19ddcwa,I'm sick of other men,"My sweetheart and I kitty isn't doing so hot, we asked our snaps for money since we're so short on it (not proud of begging). We've been scared for our baby and this little pos responded to her, in the couple of minutes of hope we received just diminished instantly. I made this account just to shit on him, I'm beyond angry and on the brink of tears.",https://i.redd.it/3wbnrzhbm3ec1.png,390,Scared_Scarcity1416,2024-01-23 02:12:10 Feminism,19d3127,Women in Gaza having c-sections without painkillers as girls use tent scraps for period products,,https://news.sky.com/story/women-and-girls-in-gaza-using-scraps-of-tent-material-in-place-of-period-products-13053083,370,sheeshing123,2024-01-22 18:48:44 Feminism,19d62sn,"Taliban restricting unmarried women’s access to work and travel, UN report says",,https://www.rawstory.com/taliban-restricting-unmarried-womens-access-to-work-and-travel-un-report-says/,238,BurtonDesque,2024-01-22 20:55:09 Feminism,19d7uut,History is the struggle against male aggression,"There are almost no spices on this planet in which males exert levels of control over females that are even remotely comparable to homo sapiens. Throughout all of agricultural history the amount of power men have held over women is beyond inconceivable and in many ways unprecedented amongst primates. While violence by males is common among primates like chimpanzee and mountain gorillas with the intent of securing mating opportunities, levels of aggression from human males surpasses this by orders of magnitude. After reading a paper about patriarchy in other primates I am left speechless by the realisation that nothing comes close to males control over females sexuality than in humans. Not even remotely. The situation gets exacerbated by the use of language to spread an ideology of male dominance amongst all members of the species. Whether it be men hijacking language to co-ordinate misogyny, cultural dress codes designed to limit the movement of women, morality used to justify male aggression or religious and spiritual practices that uphold a patriarchy, all the way to literal mutilation of woman's body parts, every aspect of agricultural society revolves around male aggression. Even prior to the first farming practices when we still lived as hunter gatherers there is a strong body of evidence that suggests that the majority of aggression was enacted by men in the pursuit over who gets to control which woman. It is hard to comprehend the magnitude of the male institution that has controlled all of our lives since before the dawn of humanity. I'd like to end by noting that ""homo sapiens"" and thereby the name of our entire species is latin for ""wise man"" or ""wise human"" though humans are neither wise nor remotely humane. Therefore I propose to rename ""homo sapiens"" to ""homo misogynis"" since I believe it more accurately reflects the truely oppressive nature of half the members of our species towards the other.",,137,AresThePacifist_,2024-01-22 22:06:01 Feminism,19dcdnt,What are some radical feminist books that are explicitly trans-inclusive?,"I'm trans and I've been getting into radical feminist literature, but it's weird to read some like Germaine Greer who disagrees with my existence ([and also wrote paedophile apologia? I think? please correct me if I'm misunderstanding this](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Beautiful_Boy)). Her work from the 70s was amazing, and definitely valuable to feminism, but knowing what she believes now kind of took away some value, like it wasn't ""for me"" as a transgender person. Do you have any recommendations of radical feminist writers that support transgender women? I don't feel welcome in a lot of radfem spaces for my identity, but I also don't feel welcome in a lot of mainstream/libfem spaces for my more radical views on gender.",,36,ThingOfPast,2024-01-23 01:24:23 Feminism,19dibcm,"""Milfs-Often the villain?"" a discussion by TallSwordLady complaining about the portrayal of female villains in cartoons",,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5liYyY6QqFo,9,ClaireDacloush,2024-01-23 06:46:53 Feminism,19d1lyp,Punished for complaining about sexual advances at work place,"I am so pissed off and despondent right now. 20 days ago, a girl(calling her S) nd I went to complaints committee to complain about her direct boss, who's the boss of my boss, about unwanted sexual advances made by him towards us. He has been transferred to this branch only 6 months ago. And he already harassed many women. Initially I was hesitant to complain because I only had to face him occasionally while S was newly recruited and works directly under him. She has been facing a lot more harassment. In the end, with the encouragement from some colleagues, we informed the complaints committee. While they were pretty responsive and sympathetic, they encouraged us to get proofs like recordings. Creeps like that guy are very intelligent and make sure they don't get caught so with great difficulty, S recorded some of his comments to her. They took some 15 days after we gave them the recording to transfer us to other sections. They wanted to transfer him initially but asked us to officially give written complaint and go through investigation(where we have to face him) which both of us are not ok with. This last Friday, they transferred us. I got assigned to a section which has a lot of work pressure and a little bit farther than the main office building while she was assigned to a similar(in terms of work pressure) section in the main building. All the while earning the same pay. Now all of my friends think I'm punished and my boss, who was on leave for the last month and joined today, said they would never take complaints against senior officials seriously and so they gave punishment to us instead. To be clear, I come from a South Asian country so there's no hope of going to police Or court. Also I can't change jobs. Not to mention, the guy won't lose his job even if we launch an official complaint. Atmost he would be transferred to a far away location. I can't help feeling so hopeless and desolate. I wish I was born a man instead.",,99,Freedomfirefly,2024-01-22 17:51:14 Feminism,19cxbzm,Dealing with sense of disappointment and anger due to living in an unequal society?,How do you deal with constant pent-up anger and sense of disappointment when you realize that society is unequal and unjust? ,,134,Quirky_Person441,2024-01-22 14:51:19 Feminism,19cfd90,So sick of reading stories like this.,,https://i.redd.it/b0skulduotdc1.png,932,traumatisedpotato,2024-01-21 22:11:02 Feminism,19d2u4n,Study on Abortion (In)Experiences Post-Roe v. Wade Overruling,"&#x200B; https://preview.redd.it/7u22k6xmd1ec1.png?width=468&format=png&auto=webp&s=76c4df2a352cbfbdec012bb3f99cbc5f0a4857dd",,15,lbwatson81,2024-01-22 18:40:32 Feminism,19d23ar,Autism in Women Article,[https://www.sciencealert.com/new-evidence-highlights-a-serious-flaw-in-our-perception-of-autism?utm\_source=ScienceAlert+-+Daily+Email+Updates&utm\_campaign=b4c83ef397-RSS\_EMAIL\_CAMPAIGN&utm\_medium=email&utm\_term=0\_fe5632fb09-b4c83ef397-365914917](https://www.sciencealert.com/new-evidence-highlights-a-serious-flaw-in-our-perception-of-autism?utm_source=ScienceAlert+-+Daily+Email+Updates&utm_campaign=b4c83ef397-RSS_EMAIL_CAMPAIGN&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_fe5632fb09-b4c83ef397-365914917),,14,RudeBlueJeans,2024-01-22 18:10:50 Feminism,19ctnjm,Medics told not to report illegal abortions to police,,https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-68036171,44,Jojuj,2024-01-22 11:35:49 Feminism,19cecbx,What's one thing you said on the internet that made misogynists mad?,"It seems like all I've ever had to say was how I think misogyny is bad, or talk about a negative experience I've had with a dude, which usually prompts them to rush to defend said dude as if they're defense attorneys that personally know him, while blaming me in the process. I also made a satire post to a satire subreddit about how I felt like all the boys in the world ignore/avoid me because I'm too beautiful and they think I'm out of their league, and how the more I try to make myself less beautiful it seems to make me even more beautiful so they run even more. It was meant to be a self deprecating joke, because obviously that's not the reason men don't approach me but I got like 5 different dudes in the comments saying ""Maybe it's your ugly personality!1!!1"" not realizing that they are literally in a subreddit meant for satire. It's weird how these kinds of people foam at the mouth whenever women have any sort of confidence. Also this is slightly unrelated, but I've noticed a difference in how certain women are treated when they say something a raging misogynist doesn't like on the internet. If you're conventionally attractive, you get written off as a dumb whore, people make really gross assumptions about your sex life/body count, those dudes will try to ""humble them"", or they get rape threats. If you're an average looking woman, they will basically tell you you're ""mid/not special"" or they will find one little flaw about your appearance and magnify it to the extreme. And if you're not conventionally attractive and/or overweight? God help you. Oh yeah, and don't forget the good ol' ""Women ☕""",,304,[deleted],2024-01-21 21:29:05 Feminism,19cimx7,Are things getting worse?,"I grew up in the 1990s, and while a lot of media and culture from that era is transparently repugnant looking back, it felt like things were moving forward in a way that was virtually guaranteed to continue. Cut to 2024 and things that even the most mainstream feminism of the 90s took for granted seem to be in reverse. Pornography is endemic now and yet seems to become ever more violent and misogynistic, prostitution is increasingly whitewashed and criticism of it is shut down (not to mention things like OnlyFans becoming so popular and widespread that men now feel it acceptable to ask random women if they have accounts), the rise of transparently bigoted, authoritarian and violent ""manosphere"" type figures seems to be inexorable. Even sexual violence among children (committed by boys against girls) is now on the rise, according to UK statistics, and just about everyone I know has suffered more incidents in the past few years than they have when times were theoretically even worse in the 2000s. The one and only plus side seems to be that media is improving, and you can find more varied and complex female characters and women-focused stories than ever before, in works increasingly written/directed/developed by women. I'll be honest, I've been having an absolutely horrible time with my mental health for about a week now, and it's largely due to being triggered by about four different sexual violence related things I was unlucky enough to see on the same day. I've been crying a lot and still haven't recovered yet, and my doom-laden thoughts over this period have gotten me interested in having this discussion. I'd absolutely love people to tell me I'm wrong about things going backwards, obviously, but what do you think is the truth?",,117,Limp_Construction351,2024-01-22 00:36:28 Feminism,19cbs0h,Dr. Geoff Lindsey Argues Aversion to Vocal Fry is Often Actually Misogyny,"In this fascinating [linguistics video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q0yL2GezneU), Dr. Geoff Lindsey proposes that people who claim they hate vocal fry actually only hate vocal fry in women not because of the sound but because they interpret it as women acting like they know more or are blasé. I think he's right, and he uses studies and video/audio clips to support his argument while disputing studies he believes have flawed methods or sample groups. (Again, I think he's right.) I am happy to see a linguist calling out sexism using science!",,269,DerpyMcDerpelI,2024-01-21 19:42:44 Feminism,19crmnr,Feminist movie recs?,Preferably stuff from the 70s. Also interested in old school queer cinema. I just watched a Roman Polanski flick and I need to cleanse my soul.,,18,reallytastyeggs,2024-01-22 09:12:52 Feminism,19czlyp,To what extent do you think this regulation impacts equality of rights for women (if at all)?,,https://v.redd.it/2t7nwqgn3udc1,5,girl_world,2024-01-22 16:30:23 Feminism,19c2s0w,I've been biting my tongue from the second I was born and maybe that has made me this bitter.,,https://i.redd.it/c3ly6pfnisdc1.png,625,lilmissnobodysays,2024-01-21 12:52:03 Feminism,19c7fk7,I miscarried in Texas. My doctors put abortion law first,,https://www.newsweek.com/i-miscarried-texas-doctors-abortion-law-1861677,213,audiomuse1,2024-01-21 16:41:07 Feminism,19c3985,Kyte Baby controversy: Outrage after worker denied remote request while her baby was in the NICU,"This folks is what internalized misogyny looks like This CEO is not a woman that values other women.",https://www.today.com/parents/moms/kyte-baby-controversy-rcna134735?utm_campaign=trueAnthem_manual&utm_medium=trueAnthem&utm_source=facebook&fbclid=IwAR1kMshPZS5u32Qgi9ky8hoMFbFMOPyJelfF98qVp7aJtJ2yxxfClxalcFg_aem_AVNz3GZRjB38SupNlhQkqsUlXLUD-CSvsdCGtDQVKEKYzdM7TJsfOfmEr8xLh-CDQoA,357,cannotberushed-,2024-01-21 13:19:41 Feminism,19cjyw7,My mother and grandmother’s story,"Ok, my grandmother and mother told me stories about their life. My grandmother’s father died when she was very young, and for some reason her mother could not make more money without the father. Now My grandmother was beaten and treated badly by her mother and older sister. Well my grandmother was considered very beautiful, she still is to me, but This older guy, who was years older then her (and probably shouldn’t have been hitting on her in the first place) told her he would not pay for her education unless she married him. My grandmother was forced to, and she wasn’t able to continue her education, she had to stay with this man and bear his children because her mother my great grandmother forced her to stay with him. My grandmother who was In the Catholic Philippines had to deal with my possessive Grandfather. Because older man, pretty girl. It’s not a good combination. My grandmother tried to kill her self many times. She finally got away from him because she cheated on him. The man she cheated with wasn’t a good man. My grandmother left him soon. My mother was born, and told she would be a prostitute by men older than her. She wasn’t protected by my grandmother because honestly Grandma’s life was horrible and she beat my mother constantly. She wouldn’t let her go to school. Mother had to sneak out for school and get beaten by her mother. Mother was able to graduate. Stories like this is why we need feminism. If to avoid this I would never be born, honestly I don’t care if I was never born if this didn’t happen. Stories like this is why we need feminism. Also you should know my mom and grandma love me and are loving, but they had hard lives due to the patriarchy. We need to stop the patriarchy to stop these stories from happening ever again.",,22,Charrise,2024-01-22 01:40:36 Feminism,19c3ht9,Predatory sexual comments being allowed on fcking national TV,"Ik this is random af but i can’t get it off my mind cuz of how terrifying&disgusting the world we’re living in is. I’m from an Eastern European country and there was a really popular talent show that the entire country would watch.In the jury there were 4 famous singers, 3 men and one woman.A few days ago, i’ve found an old screen recording that i almost forgot i had in my phone of a really strange moment from this show. Basically, the contestant - a 14 yo girl, walks out the stage after singing, and one of the juries - a 37 yo man, says the following, unhinged&out loud : *“She is so charming.I obviously couldn’t tell her because she was 14, but she is sexy as fuck”*. I remember being 15 and hearing this on TV and being like what the actual fuck????? What’s insane is that he could realize in his mind that it wouldn’t have been appropriate for him to say it directly to her, but not only did he feel comfortable saying it to the jury, or in a room w hundreds of ppl in the audience, but on national&maybe even international TV, so she most likely saw it too afterwards anyway. If this is the shit that they dare to say out loud, imagine all the shit that is left unsaid, imagine what might actually be on their sick&twisted minds. Also, the fact that no one from the editing/production bat an eye says all that needs to be said. Mind you, i used to actually listen to this artist&watch his interviews and stuff and he actually seemed like he really had some depth to him. What i mean to say is, he seemed *normal* and mature, and like maybe even more intelligent than the average person/famous singer, and naive as i might’ve been, i honestly wouldn’t have expected it, which is exactly what makes it so *terrifying*. Oh, and he also has a daughter. I’ll say it and idgaf, misogyny, hypersexualization, etc. are all connected to pedophilia, and even the ones who seem like they don’t have it in them, somewhere, deep down, they do…",,102,Fit-Cry6925,2024-01-21 13:32:51 Feminism,19bph3x,"Why getting married, if men are so bad?","I am a 37-year-old single woman. I had opportunity to date a few men that looked like potential life-time partners, but for one reason or another, it didn't work. Sometimes I feel sad realizing my age and how hard it is to form a family. But I can't help to notice how many men are abusive towards women. I am Brazilian working in the US as a waitress. The number of married men who approaches me makes me really scared. When I first move to the US, I was 28, but looked more like 20. Many men, old enough to my grandfather, approached me. I was sexually harassed multiple times at work, and even suffered 2 attempts of rape. Either way, I feel most of these men see me as inferior. As if they can do or say whatever they want without consequences, due to my race/status/looks. On the other hand, I happened to find out many men are also sexually attracted to children. I always suspected that. But the numbers are alarming: 5% of Americans are pedophiles. And at least 15% of American men confessed to be attracted to minors, admitting they would have sex with a person under 14 years old if there was no chance of being caught. I also noticed that many men feel threatened by their partners success. We were raised to believe marriage is a safe institution. But, getting older I realized... it's not! What men are even good for? How to find a safe partner? Should we abstain from the idea of a lifetime partner?",,374,Spirited_Top_5443,2024-01-20 23:44:49 Feminism,19c0go8,Instagram Reels and Misogony?,"I'm probably not the first to notice this, but it has lead me to just delete instagram from my phone. Under literally every video where there is a bad driver, an accident, or just a woman in the comments making a suggestion, they get absolutely shat on. ""Women ☕️"", every god damn time, even when the Video itself got nothing to do with a woman in any sort of way. It's not just the thing with car reels though, also in every reel containing a family or showing a dangerous job, the women get constantly put down. I am asking you, is this the result of one year with Andrew Tate and the Red pill community? I've never before witnessed so much hatred at once under every second reel.",,29,IronwoodIsBusted,2024-01-21 10:21:18 Feminism,19c1lsl,Pregnant woman’s jail sentence quashed in ‘landmark’ UK ruling,https://www.theguardian.com/society/2024/jan/19/pregnant-woman-jail-sentence-quashed-in-landmark-uk-ruling,,17,Background-Party6748,2024-01-21 11:38:48 Feminism,19bi8z4,Ken is the main character of Barbie,"So I watched the Barbie movie reluctantly bc my 12 yr old daughter wanted to watch it. I didn't like it but I didn't even want to care enough to get mad about it. I recently listened to [this episode](https://open.spotify.com/episode/1cnjl5B0Aic6IP1rBAECgy?si=6d361fcd74674353) of Ordinary Unhappiness where the hosts discuss some major issues with Barbie. I thought it was super interesting and correct idea that Ken is the only one in the Barbie movie who is held up and allowed to have ""enough"" and here I am digging into the Barbie discourse six months later. I read some older thread where ppl were saying it's ok that Barbie dumbed down the feminism bc it helps pppl like it. I mean I had to really squint to see the feminism but I wasn't expecting some big woman-centered movie. It is a movie sponsored by a toy company and the purpose is to sell toys. I think a lot about the back-and-forth nature of feminism over the generations. Like for ex of course in the 70s women were getting divorced and demanding wages for housework and refusing to change their names or wear bras. And then in the 80s it was ""women can have it all,"" which meant working late while your kids fed themselves microwave dinners and coming home to iron your husband's shirts. And then 90s it was like take back the night, I'm wearing these XXXL MENS PANTS and my t shirt is a mock turtleneck because I am a person not a body. \[Also, we were terrified of AIDS.\] And then it was ""showing my body in a way that patriarchy says is sexy for likes= reclaiming the gaze, whee!"" (I mean, I am being flippant and also clearly I am Gen X and while I was very well versed in fem theory in the 90s I am not up to date on current feminist takes in the academy.) But, yet, in the movies the 80s gave us many amazing feminist icons. Like DAMN! look at those 80s movies grappling with the real shit. 9 to 5, Working Girl, The Accused. [Many more here.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:1980s_feminist_films) There is a lot of problematic content, *to be sure*! And the stories privilege certain kinds of white women. But the stories and character arcs were not dumbed down at all. It's embarrassing this meme-y jokey wink wink Girl Bossery (still with the super pretty blonde white lady, ""too pretty to be cast as Barbie"" yet of course cast at Barbie) is being branded ""feminism"" 30 years later. I wish we could have movies with our current feelings about intersectionality and the ways we *have* managed to evolve with the high mindedness we saw in the past.",,220,FreyaInVolkvang,2024-01-20 18:27:34 Feminism,19bp39b,Need help with talking to my bf about patriarchy and how it affects women.,"I have never posted on reddit so like, please be humble if I miss any reddit etiquette. Last night, my bf and I had this huge argument about patriarchy. I hate when I know I'm right, but my stupid brain freezes and I can come up with any talking points. All I did was ended up sounding like a fucking illiterate emotional dumb fuck. I hate myself for that. So this is what it boiled down to- According to him, now, women and men are equally affected by patriarchy. I said no, the intensity of patriarchy affects women more than men. He argued that men have to go through body shame, has this whole ""alpha male"" expectations, has to be the bread earner etc. While I fully acknowledge and agree with him that patriarchy has made mens' like difficult, I don't agree the affect cuts as deep as it does for women. I tried to give him some weak examples, and he just said that what I'm saying is more emotional than logical. He would like to see evidence, statistics etc. So.e of the examples we talked about is- As a women, we have to cover ourselves or can't be freely roaming around on certain parts of cities cause of the fear of rape. He said, well, if we go out in public and you slap me, you won't get shit for it. But if the roles were reversed, I would get beaten up. Then I said that, most women are told that they have to stay home, be safe cause the world is a scary place for us. He said that if he doesn't live up to the expectations, he will be kicked out and freeze to death. I am... I don't know, I feel stupid. My short-term memory is just trash (major accident and childhood trauma). I felt so overwhelmed that I froze. He is a sensible guy, and I know if I show him evidence, he will accept it. But I am really bad at arguing or expressing myself; specially when I'm being told that I'm being emotional and sounding like a illiterate person (he didn't use those exact words; but that's the summary). What can I say or do to have him see my point? Please do not tell me to leave him. He is a good person, and he struggles to see other side cause he was never exposed. We come from S. Asian family. S. Asian families has a tendency to baby their sons. He got out of that- but he doesn't grasp the concept fully. Please use kind words when addressing him. Ty.",,48,100percnt_dat_bitch,2024-01-20 23:27:25 Feminism,19bdfp1,Feminism isn't new - only the language frameworks are: Medieval Feminisms,"Hi all - first time poster here but I wanted to share my recent SubStack piece here as I have a feeling many of you will absolutely ""pick up what I'm throwing down."" This piece explores the idea of women’s ‘prime’ years and the influence of the patriarchy upon our perception of women’s progression through life while also introducing you to a medieval matriarch, Eleanor of Aquitaine. [https://substack.com/home/post/p-140776364](https://substack.com/home/post/p-140776364) &#x200B; Quote grabbed from the essay -- &#x200B; > Only in a patriarchal society would women’s aging, or aging in general (an inevitable human condition), be viewed as a weakness, a vulnerability to be dealt with and exploited as opposed to a wealth of context to be tapped into and cared for. Our seniors lived experiences and progression through the final stages of life could better inform our understanding of the human condition, yet more often than not we place them into the margins or remove them from view all together.[2](https://substack.com/home/post/p-140776364#footnote-2-140776364) &#x200B;",,108,FreshCicada3890,2024-01-20 14:53:13 Feminism,19b4q0x,this is why we need feminism part #538479,,https://i.redd.it/vfwhwmbcajdc1.jpeg,536,tera1551,2024-01-20 05:49:26 Feminism,19ba7d9,"I'm a collage artist working with ""found materials"" that I get secondhand on Craigslist. From a set of educational flashcards that covered the suffragettes and a random wily octopus comes this, which I think I'm calling ""Squishing the Patriarchy"".",,https://i.redd.it/27ubykiy3ldc1.jpeg,130,itsmeitsme,2024-01-20 11:57:12 Feminism,19bgqei,The Conservative Plan to Ban Abortion Without Congress. Anti-abortion advocates hope a Republican president will enforce a series of laws from the 1800s that will “result in the end of abortion in every single state in America.”,,https://www.notus.org/policy/the-conservative-plan-to-ban-abortion-without-congress,45,Professional_Suit270,2024-01-20 17:21:32 Feminism,19bbd16,Stop calling girls (17-) as women (18+) online and in media.,"I hate seeing this language used in the media and news; Especially in rape and abuse cases; They try to downplay the severity of a girls abuse/sexual abuse by referring to her as an (adult) 'woman' - as if that means she's 'old enough/mature enough' to handle the abuse because she's 'grown'. Little girls are called 'women' to benefit and protect the male abuser - and by extension all (abusive) men; This to make the female child seem older and mature, and on-level, with their male adult attacker; Making the man look less harmful and perverse (and not like a pedophile), because the female child is as 'grown/mature' as the male abuser is. This is where the idea that 'girls mature faster than boys' is perpetuated in the most harmful way; It promotes the underlying idea that adult men are stuck in a child-like mindset to be 'naturally' attracted to young girls, despite being adult men - That these adult men have the mentality of a little boy who likes little girls, because they haven't matured mentally with their physical bodies; Again, putting these adult men on-level with little girls. Little girls are also called 'women' so as to make (abusive) men seem controlled and right in some nature; That these adult men only abuse grown women, and not young girls - that these men are at least 'good' for not attacking young girls. 'Adult-ifying' young girls is done to make abusive men look good. CORRECT IT WHEN YOU SEE IT: GIRLS ARE NOT (grown) 'WOMEN' OR 'YOUNG WOMEN/LADIES' OR 'UNDERAGE WOMEN'- THEY ARE GIRLS. THEY ARE MINORS, THEY ARE CHILDREN. PROTECT THE GIRLS, NOT THE ABUSERS. Not to mention the males that interchange the words 'girl' with 'woman' and vise versa to downplay female issues and how things affect them; Like when they say things like 'men and girls' instead of men and women' to infantisize adult women and make men the superior/mature one. I think if we all came together and started to correct the words and dismissive language used by media and news outlets - Call them out and punish them; We would see more severe and harsh punishments for male abusers - and an attitude change in all men in general towards girls and women. Call out judges and attorneys for their light punishments (especially if they have a history of being light on male abusers). Call out judges, attorneys, journalists, news anchors, podcasts, creators, family and friends for their wording and dismissive language about girls and their abusers. Punishment for doing such: Call-out their wording and dismissive language, pull up the history of all male abuser sympathizers and don't stop, stop watching their shows, public protests - and spread it everywhere (because the news and media won't), down vote their posts, create hashtags for easy finding and post them everywhere (even on unrelated posts), get them voted out of office, make them resign, get their shows shut down, ect. &#x200B; Girls and women have to protect themselves when men won't.",,94,Purple_Unicorn_2349,2024-01-20 13:05:57 Feminism,19b68nu,"Anyone else more agitated, more depressed, upset, and have less faith in humanity the more they use Reddit?","At first I came on for public freakout and to laugh. Then it just got all violent, just posts of people in fistfights, esp men jeering on and liking men that punch a women or beat her up videos...........so I went to other categories. Post a lot, but so much ignorance and hatred. People down voting and reporting you because their opinion differs from theirs. and the hate towards women and the support for it by others and mods. I don't even know why I log on here anymore. smh, It just leaves me angry and sad. Such a shame, we really need a platform all to ourselves",,172,True-Godesss,2024-01-20 07:24:16 Feminism,19ajjnv,"""you will die alone with cats""",,https://i.redd.it/g30urqtcjedc1.jpeg,1781,Effective_Prior2564,2024-01-19 13:51:03 Feminism,19b4gp4,This is what happens when you reject violent men,,https://apnews.com/article/fort-bend-texas-family-shooting-five-dead-72dd428e66b3ed7c44f7007b97858b39,95,-viasteph,2024-01-20 05:34:04 Feminism,19bc4xr,South African case against genocide in the Gaza strip,Direct link to the 84 page South African application present in the article - it's detailed and well explained with references.,https://www.theguardian.com/world/2023/dec/29/south-africa-accuses-israel-of-committing-genocide-in-gaza,16,Little-Platypus-8679,2024-01-20 13:47:40 Feminism,19bb02j,Suggest a theme for our feminist art show,We're putting together an art show with local artists on women's day in Eastern Europe which is March 8 and would love some recommendations for a theme. Last year's theme was A room of one's own.,,10,Swimming-Item8891,2024-01-20 12:45:39 Feminism,19arj8i,Evidence points to systematic use of rape and sexual violence by Hamas in 7 October attacks,,https://www.theguardian.com/world/2024/jan/18/evidence-points-to-systematic-use-of-rape-by-hamas-in-7-october-attacks,185,Motor-Ad-2024,2024-01-19 19:33:12 Feminism,19az33f,Matt Gaetz Confesses Republicans Don’t Really Need Women Voters Anyway,,https://newrepublic.com/post/178246/matt-gaetz-confesses-maga-republicans-dont-need-women-voters,37,rswoodr,2024-01-20 00:53:43 Feminism,19b26wx,Social media red flags in a guy,"Is it a red flags, if a guy liking dan blazarien and following OF pages and inappropriate models? What's your thoughts about these types of guys",,21,your_earth_75,2024-01-20 03:27:23 Feminism,19ajjpl,It’s 2022 and People Are Still Confused That My Kids Have Their Mother’s Last Name,,https://time.com/6143476/baby-with-mothers-last-name/,136,SophiaofPrussia,2024-01-19 13:51:05 Feminism,19a8s8x,Imagine carrying a baby for 9 months just to give your child your husband's last name,"I'm American and one thing that upsets me the most is how normal it is in this country for women to change their last names and for their children to have their husband's last names. I also hate it when people say ""it's just tradition"" like women are not men's property we are human beings. Even in the most patriarchal societies like in China,Korea,Japan and many middle eastern countries women don't change their last names. It's even worse here because I'm from the deep south and misogyny here is so normalized that I know if I say I don't want to get married or change my last name my family will be upset with me and force me too. It's very disturbing how this isn't seen as outdated and no one really cares enough to be against it. Edit:Ok, so it turns out that in Japan, women still have to change their surnames and in Korea,well SK that children get their father's surnames.Sorry for the misinformation.",,637,ChipmunkAmazing2105,2024-01-19 02:59:08 Feminism,19avj3f,Is the objectification of women as a sexual resource inherent to men or is it a product of capitalism?,My perception of sexism and the sexual objectification and dehumanization of women is that it is a product of feudalism and later capitalism. Capitalism sees workers as a resource for profit just like how misogynists see women as a resource for sex. My theory is that capitalism and misogyny are one and the same just with different resources. One is work output and profitability while the other is sex. What are your thoughts?,,17,unstoppablehippy711,2024-01-19 22:20:27 Feminism,19arix6,What's a good contemporary book/study on feminst theory that's hot right now?,"I've studied the basics back in uni, and I always like to read the occasional article. What I'd like is a recommendation for something that's been kind of popular nowadays for it has contributed to the contemporary development of feminist though.",,13,bbeni11,2024-01-19 19:32:48 Feminism,19ae971,i can't be a woman because of internalised misogyny,"(i'm not sure if this could be considered an off topic post, so sorry in advance) i identify as nonbinary, but since gaining an interest in feminism i've started to heavily doubt myself and my gender identity. i'm not going to transition anytime in the future, so i feel that being nonbinary is just a political statement more than anything else because even though i really would prefer to not be seen as a woman, i will still be seen as a woman by society at large. i started to question what the reason behind my nonbinary identity is and i've come to realise that it is most likely borne out of internalised misogyny. i feel no connection to the idea of womanhood and i resent it because i can only see it as a bad thing. to me, being female is synonymous with being degraded and subjugated by men. i've never fit the social roles of a woman well and i have no interest in relationships with men. being female is a burden i have to carry due to the misfortune of my birth. i also feel some discomfort towards my body, especially feminine characteristics like my chest. however, despite my personal feelings about gender, i recognise that i'm essentially living as a cis woman because i am not transitioning, and i'm also mostly closeted. i'm struggling heavily to reconcile my beliefs with my gender identity. i think the best option for me would be accepting that i am a cis woman because i don't really want to take testosterone. how can i overcome internalised misogyny? is there anybody else who feels this way? &#x200B;",,94,throwawaynbfem,2024-01-19 08:17:09 Feminism,199we01,Imagine if we tell men their first ejaculation has virgin semen,By @farida.d.author on Instagram,https://i.redd.it/yp395m0pn8dc1.jpeg,997,Shea_Scarlet,2024-01-18 18:04:40 Feminism,19arihf,Navigating Feminism and Personal Sexuality," Hey everyone! I've been grappling with something and wanted to throw it out here for discussion. I find myself caught in a bit of a dilemma. I've been exploring practices like pompoir, tantric sex, kegels, and various methods to enhance my sexual experiences. On a personal level, it's been quite the journey, but I can't help but wonder how this aligns with my feminist ideals. Is the pursuit of improving our sexual experiences somehow counter-productive to the broader feminist battle? Especially when we're navigating the realm of heterosexual relationships, where it seems like a bit of a grey area. I'm not looking for a one-size-fits-all answer, but rather hoping to open up a dialogue. How do you, as feminists, make sense of personal sexual growth within the context of our broader feminist beliefs? Can we reconcile the pursuit of sexual fulfillment with our goals for equality? Please add whatever you do!",,10,Creative-Muscle-491,2024-01-19 19:32:16 Feminism,19adr69,Ideas for a “feminist rage” event?,"Hello, I’m the president of the Feminist Club at my college. At the end of this semester, we’re having an event that celebrates feminist rage. I think feminist rage is really important to recognize and normalize, as many of the greatest feminist movements were motivated by rage. Women also still fight to be able to feel anger without being called “hysterical.” With all that being said, my original idea for this event was to do a sort of wreck room where we could allow people to break things and let out their rage. After some discussion, though, we were unable to think of a way to do this safely (and without getting in trouble with the school!) We decided to go a different direction and will instead be going with things such as sidewalk chalk, water balloons, and a pellet gun that shoots biodegradable bullets. Aside from that, we’re coming up blank. I really want people to be able to express their rage in a healthy way, and I really don’t want to get in trouble with my school! Every time I try to look up crafts like this, the only things that come up are for little kids. Please help me come up with ideas for adults!!",,64,s00phers,2024-01-19 07:42:44 Feminism,199ylg5,Me and my boyfriend disagree politically,"Me (24F) and my partner (28M) have been dating for two years now. He's a wonderful, hard-working man who cares for me and generally respects the people around him no matter what. I've always known that we don't agree on everything as I'm firmly left and he's more liberal/central left, but our general philosophies seemed to align. Recently though, we seem to be unable to find common ground. As a white man from a working class background, he's expressed feelings that he doesn't think he's privileged at all, and I find it difficult to explain that men's privilege tends to manifest in unmeasureable ways like being believed, listened to, always assumed to be capable, and able to express anger without consequence. I don't think he takes me seriously when I talk about the plight of women, and I'm not sure I take him seriously when he talks about men's issues as he hasn't made an effort to educate himself and put his experiences into perspective. Earlier, I mentioned people skewing statistics in custody cases to make the argument for 'female privilege', and he just said, ""I don't want to debate this"". What does that suggest? Is it a deal breaker that we don't share these opinions? And if not, how do we begin to understand each other on a deeper level?",,284,poppyfaeries,2024-01-18 19:34:58 Feminism,19a9et0,"The madness of the witch hunt(feminist hunt) taking place in Korea,, And “Studio Puri,” which is under attack from incels, explained the current controversy. However, the Korean male community does not acknowledge this at all.",,/r/GirlGamers/comments/19a98og/the_madness_of_the_witch_huntfeminist_hunt_taking/,45,Inner_Response_1714,2024-01-19 03:29:44 Feminism,19ajsag,Platforms to Share Memoir on Sexual Trauma,"Hi all. I recently published a somewhat niche, mixed media art book / memoir that explores sexual trauma and it's my personal hope is for it to find its way to female focused platforms, wellness centers, universities, etc. in order to contribute to important conversations and ideally help others who are struggling with their own experiences. I am from a background in the arts, but would love some suggestions in the realm of feminism. The book also has a link to a website with supportive resources for readers, and I would love to add to that list. Thanks for all your help in advance, and have a great weekend!",,3,MistySunbeam,2024-01-19 14:02:12 Feminism,19a0dqi,Florida Man Says His Party Doesn't Need Women Voters,,https://crooksandliars.com/2024/01/florida-man-suggests-his-party-doesnt-need,53,BurtonDesque,2024-01-18 20:47:36 Feminism,199t0k1,"Conservatives’ contradictory statements regarding abortion, LGBTQ etc","**Which conservatives’ statements in your opinion are super contradictory?** (Not just American) ______ In my opinion Pro-Lifers: If you believe that a child should have a traditional family (mom& dad) then forcing someone to have a child they don’t want means that this kid might grow up without a family/ in a foster system. Bible doesn’t forbid abortion according to Exodus 21:22-23: * Exodus 21, for example, suggests that a pregnant woman’s life is more valuable than the fetus’s. This text describes a scenario in which men who are fighting strike a pregnant woman and cause her to miscarry. A monetary fine is imposed if the woman suffers no other harm beyond the miscarriage. However, if the woman suffers additional harm, the perpetrator’s punishment is to suffer reciprocal harm, up to life for life.* [source](https://theconversation.com/what-the-bible-actually-says-about-abortion-may-surprise-you-186983) (Edit: I’m not religious and I believe that all states, but especially multicultural ones, should be secular) Additionally, far-right Republicans (US) hypocrisy regarding courts role * Before the supreme court overturned Roe v Wade last June, the conservative line on the American judiciary was fairly consistent: judges should be careful interpreters of the rules, not activists; legislatures should decide policy, while courts should simply enforce the law.* ([Guardian](https://amp.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/apr/17/conservatives-judicial-activism-abortion-mifepristone)) Incest: *Kentucky Republican Nick Wilson introduced a bill to legalize sex with first cousins* (later withdrawn). Very often I hear conservatives saying that if they allow same-sex marriage then what next? Legalizing pedophilia, zoophilia and incest? If they really cared about unborn babies lives (and human rights) then allowing incest makes no sense. Especially if there are restrictions on abortion in place. Besides physical health related consequences, it’s mentally very hard for a kid to accept and explain that their parents are cousins or siblings.",,90,lndlml,2024-01-18 15:42:44 Feminism,199knry,Miscarriages in Gaza Have Increased 300% Under Israeli Bombing,,https://jezebel.com/miscarriages-in-gaza-have-increased-300-under-israeli-1851168680,239,zm367,2024-01-18 07:34:42 Feminism,199rbzo,TX faces backlash from businesses over abortion,https://youtu.be/UTNgjWcWyWc?si=aoN6hKH1_urtovgl,,51,Inevitable_Sector_14,2024-01-18 14:26:34 Feminism,199wfit,Gacha Drama and the Korean Gender War,Is this true?,https://youtu.be/-Im4YAMWK74?si=NYlBlVXrd0U_3Byn,10,Gloomy_Living_7532,2024-01-18 18:06:22 Feminism,199p661,Is Bell Hooks essentialist?,"My partner told me that Bell Hooks was essentialist (meaning that there is no distinction between sex and gender). I can't find anything about that on the internet. What do you think?",,24,Available-Pause3959,2024-01-18 12:34:59 Feminism,19a251x,Afrochingonas: the seeds of resistance on a flowering field,,https://shado-mag.com/do/afrochingonas-the-seeds-of-resistance-on-a-flowering-field/,3,hamsterdamc,2024-01-18 21:58:52 Feminism,1996thf,"Why, despite the success of the feminist movement in the last couple years, is it still super normalized to change your last name when you get married to a man?","I'm from a Spanish-speaking country, this means women don't change our name when we get married, and our children inherit both last names (one from the father and one from the mother), even some people choose their mother's name first. However, I've seen many ""feminists"" looking forward to get their future husbands' surnames. For me, this is disgusting for various reasons: first, it feels like you're giving up your personality and selling it to a man, as if you were a property (that's how it worked in the past; you belonged first to your dad and then to yourhusband); but also, nowadays, with all the bureaucracy and papers, plus the fact that basically everything is digitalized, makes me think it can be a really complicated and difficult legal process. I have even seen people who like gay fictional ships (gay men mostly), speculating about which one is the one changing their surname in an hypothetical marriage. Like, why is that still even considered a possibility? I hate it.",,414,Lycaonna,2024-01-17 20:29:11 Feminism,199j24x,My parents are forcing me for same caste marriage,my parents force me to get married to a same caste syed guy but I like someone out of my caste. How should i convince them? Your honest suggestions are requested plz,,48,SyedaMuntaha,2024-01-18 05:53:59 Feminism,1994z0z,"Received a DM the other day: ""it's offensive to compare the issues women face to the issues black people face""","I made a post on a ""different sub"" a few days ago (I won't name which one but you can look back in my post history to find it) that had to do with my white partner not understanding how male privilege works, while fully grasping the concept of white privilege. I received a DM from some dude saying something along the lines of, ""you think misogyny is on the same scale as the issues black people face? Hilarious."" In a nutshell: women don't actually have any ""real"" problems and it's offensive to call someone out for grasping white privilege but not male privilege. So I guess I'm interested to get your take on this, especially from any Women of Color reading. Being a white woman, I don't feel qualified or comfortable speaking about whether these two types of privilege are comparable or on the same scale and I understand that WOC generally face more/unique challenges than white women. I would love some more insight so I can further gain some perspective. Thoughts?",,167,purpleuneecorns,2024-01-17 19:16:20 Feminism,19983hn,"Inside California’s secret sterilisation programme – and its antivax legacy — Hundreds, if not thousands, of inmates were sterilised against their will. The impact on lives and trust in medicine has been devastating",,https://www.telegraph.co.uk/global-health/women-and-girls/california-sterilisation-scandal-compensation-hysterectomy/,41,Randomlynumbered,2024-01-17 21:19:59 Feminism,198w7wa,Poop Anxiety in Women dissertation study-- participants needed (age 18+),"Hey y’all! My name is Diana, and I am super close to finishing my doctoral degree (finally) and need some help. I am collecting data for my dissertation on the sociocultural/patriarchal influences and experiences of poop anxiety (i.e., shy bowel syndrome/parcopresis) in women. Flyer with details and the survey link are below. Must be age 18+ and identify as a woman (cis & trans inclusive) to participate. Please consider taking and sharing if you have the time and space! And if you have any questions and/or want the published results when it’s all said and done, let me know. Hoping to support in co-creating a world where we can all poop in peace <3 -Diana **Flyer:** [https://www.canva.com/design/DAFz4VoTYjc/M2fGAN1UzQy3r3wsMr3zsQ/view?utm\_content=DAFz4VoTYjc&utm\_campaign=designshare&utm\_medium=link&utm\_source=editor](https://www.canva.com/design/DAFz4VoTYjc/M2fGAN1UzQy3r3wsMr3zsQ/view?utm_content=DAFz4VoTYjc&utm_campaign=designshare&utm_medium=link&utm_source=editor) **Survey link:** [https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/WFGTP72](https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/WFGTP72)",,135,dianamoss13,2024-01-17 13:11:33 Feminism,1990rok,French Parliament committee agrees draft language to protect abortion in Constitution,,https://www.lemonde.fr/en/politics/article/2024/01/17/french-parliament-committee-agrees-draft-language-to-protect-abortion-in-constitution_6440891_5.html,71,LeMonde_en,2024-01-17 16:33:13 Feminism,199bef1,"Art History: History of the ""ideal feminine physique""","I had this required video in my Art History class, and figured people here would find it interesting. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4ipUdS8Td4&t=594s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4ipUdS8Td4&t=594s)",,15,KitDaKittyKat,2024-01-17 23:37:24 Feminism,198jzsr,"I've seen this post on so many subreddits. Everytime, the comments are absolutely vile. Completely degrading this woman for how she looks and how she's changed. With no regard for how that type of commentary might be the exact reason she had work done. We are only worth as much as we are beautiful.",,https://i.redd.it/9dv40yg0uvcc1.png,384,liltooter,2024-01-17 01:20:53 Feminism,199cc9s,Free The Nipple: Why should it still be headline news?,,https://www.euronews.com/culture/2024/01/16/free-the-nipple-why-should-it-still-be-headline-news,5,Immediate-Smile-2020,2024-01-18 00:18:12 Feminism,198izoo,Good time to remember that Freedom and Justice are women,,https://i.redd.it/zgekds9obwcc1.jpeg,265,ClaireDacloush,2024-01-17 00:35:56 Feminism,1989i9j,Chicago man sues over disparaging post on Facebook group about dating,"I’m in one of these groups. At least once a day a guy is posted and another woman in the comments finds things such as: a restraining order, DV charges, SA charges, *a secret wife*, etc. These groups were made for protecting women. And this man has decided to sue not only the woman who posted him, but the creators and moderators of the group. Because he got posted and now women won’t go near him. I posted my ex back in my local group back in may, I found out that not only was he cheating on me, but he was using hard drugs. I broke up with him and he ended up taking my car and totaling it, so I updated the post with photos of the totaled car. A girl told him about it and he tried to sue me for defamation, like this guy. It didn’t work out for him though, because everything posted was true. I would consider this particular SLAPP lawsuit another form of abuse. Women have the right to warn and protect each other. If it harms a man’s social life, then maybe he should treat women better.",https://www.cbsnews.com/amp/chicago/news/chicago-man-sues-disparaging-facebook-group-dating/?fbclid=IwAR1uVecOGRUh1Ov9SlKfbISVErMWxd4Xcpc1ZvmjemQiYeV_jNattAngBlo_aem_AS8-2Wp1-vel8UDJC3cOikftjTPwI6I4t7r4p9pnYsVcaTe-MvTvMQlAKDDeIA5bsN8,463,allthekeals,2024-01-16 18:09:50 Feminism,19920eh,A very Curious Question about Women moving out of the parent's house in past eras.,"One of the things I've explicitly remember my own Mom telling me that her Father wouldn't let her move out of her parent's house unless she was married despite her Brothers moving out and buying their own houses independently that he ended up paying for and this was early since the *1980s* and I wonder how common this actually was especially during past eras that is. Just to give you a little context my Mom's side came from a very strict Catholic Sicilian background to clear things up.",,6,Jannol,2024-01-17 17:20:16 Feminism,198ah4g,"I truly can’t grasp how non-misogynistic, progressive men can maintain friendships with misogynists.","And I’m not referring to men who pretend to be progressive, but to those who genuinely support women’s and LGBTQ+ rights and nevertheless appear comfortable maintaining friendships with men who don’t. It’s like they seem to perceive it as a minor difference of opinion rather than the profound divergence in fundamental values that it truly is. I don’t get it. Do these men share the same views as their problematic friends but lie about it? If not, I struggle to comprehend the mindset that allows them to be content with such friendships. As a young woman attracted to men, the question of whether to continue seeing individuals who appear fine but have problematic friends troubles me. It feels like a red flag, yet deeming it a dealbreaker would make my dating pool tiny. If I could grasp the reasoning behind their choices, why they maintain such friendships without seeing it as an affront to the women in their lives, it might help me decide whether this is a dealbreaker, but as someone who cares greatly about views on social issues when evaluating people, I genuinely can’t understand that mindset. What's your take on ""good"" men maintaining friendships with individuals who hold problematic views?",,275,No-Adagio-3157,2024-01-16 18:47:47 Feminism,198ih37,Hopeless about young men,"I know this may come across as your very common ""girls mature faster than boys, i’m too mature for boys my age"" talk which is false and pushed onto girls to normalize older men and adult men hitting on teens, but i’ve been developing some concerns that are genuinely stressing me out. (note: my vocab is not that good, english isn’t my first language, sorry! also might be too long?) Lack of empathy is an ongoing trend among younger people but It’s terrifying how violently boys and young men express it. Specifically regarding women’s issue and misogyny, they deny to your face all of your personal experiences, those of others, and literal facts and written history as well ? My generation (at least where I live) were taught since elementary school about feminism, why equality is important, and common topics such as the pay gap, sexist stereotypes, the right to vote for women and basically pretty easy to tackle and basic feminist subjects that wouldn’t make any boy feel threatened but still teach kids some surface level information about the oppression of women. After all, that was mostly as liberal feminism was getting mainstream and it wasn’t too complex to explain to kids. Well, despite those teachings being very tame and mostly very factual, with no intent to demonize men whatsoever (or even hold them accountable for that matter, but that’s another discussion), young men are discarding everything they’ve been taught and claiming schools are demonizing men and favoring women ??? They are actively denying real documented issues (ask any teen boy about the wage gap and he’ll either tell you that it doesn’t exist or is justified) or ignoring every talk about it because ""well it’s not like that today is it"", despite it being recent history. They now claim every attempt at teaching about feminism and women’s history is proof of men’s oppression and that they don’t get special treatment so why should women, or that feminism is an extremist leftist ideology that should not be taught in schools. Another thing is how they deny your own, lived experiences and expect you to put yourself in danger because for some reason they think that all women are lying and exaggerating when they say safety is a daily worry for them ? You have boys genuinely get mad at you for taking precautions and being careful, getting defensive that you don’t trust them personally or that you hold stereotypes and harmful views of men which is ??? Now, I am saying this is a boys/young men problem because in my experience, despite older men having their own ways of showcasing misogynistic and predatory behavior, they’ve never dared to deny reality THIS much. Most girls have been taught from a young age from their fathers and male relatives to stay alert and take precautions at all times, and generally it has always been common sense that even men agreed with. Generally, if you speak to an older man (30s and over) about having to rush home before night time, or not sharing private informations for safety reasons, they are more understanding of the implications and won’t push on the subject too much, mostly agreeing uncomfortably and moving on. When you say the same things to boys 12 to 25, they get SO defensive, and it’s apparently even worse if they’re friends or people close to you? Like somehow I should be less careful just because we’re friends! They think it’s about oppressing men and making them feel like monsters but it’s about our damn safety! A male friend of mine got mad at me for saying I was scared of men because apparently women do bad things too so I should be scared of everyone ? You’d think this is isolated behavior but this is super common in high school and college aged men. This leaves me worried that boys my age will never get it and never ever empathise with women. All they seem to care is how women’s experiences relate to men’s reputations. The only men I’ve met that I felt were understanding were older men aged 26 to 50 something, any younger or older have never tried to be fully understanding. I know good men exist, i’ve met incredibly nice and understanding men, especially in school, as some male teachers have truly made me feel safe and hopeful about what men could be like. I sometimes finding myself chatting with random older guys online (don’t worry, I never engage with anyone predatory or inappropriate) and they feel so...normal ? Like you could have a normal chat about life and interests and stuff without having to listen to them pity themselves and complain how much harder than you they’ve got it and how privileged you are for being a woman and all..(note: I know a lot of older men are total losers with miserable lives, but it feels like in my generation every male is like that with very few exceptions, and they express it very openly and very graphically (shock humor and dark humor, rape and violence jokes) whereas old misogynistic men hold back in fear of being cancelled or something lol). I truly want to give a man a chance and start dating eventually, but for this very reason I only find myself attracted to older men. But I don’t really want to get with an 30 year old man as soon as I turn 18, you know? That would feel weird and uncomfortable, and I don’t really like the idea of such an age gap. But they seem to be the only relatively normal men to be around! I seriously have never met a boy close to my age that wasn’t an asshole in one way or another, even the ones that are generally nice. Sorry for the long post...Any thoughts on this? Do you think it’s just an age thing that will pass as they grow up or is it a generational thing? I’m feeling hopeless here!",,75,TheGodFromTheMachine,2024-01-17 00:13:18 Feminism,198jfw5,Biggest women’s protest of the history,"With my endometriosis warrior sisters we want to create the biggest women’s protest of the history of North America for our rights, because nobody gives a sh*t of us and no research are done for our disease (women disease you know) and we are in so much pain and so dismiss every single day by every doctors. Enough is enough. It’s more than just endometriosis, this is about women’s healthcare, about gynecological trauma, about how women are treated in the society. We are 1/10 (at least!) to have this disease in the world, this is the first reason of infertility of the world and nobody cares!!! What are your ideas for creating a project like that?",,49,Logical-Option-182,2024-01-17 00:56:02 Feminism,1987365,Why so many daddy issues?," As I started to resemble my mother and break that mould of whatever daughter my father wanted me to be, is when I saw him for himself. A man so consumed in his own trauma, he’s unable to show love to his daughter. All he knows is rage and anger. A daughter constantly critiqued by his own monsters for whatever reason. One hour I'm the best, the next hour he’s towering over me threatening to strike me, over something so trivial like an avocado. And there’s nothing I want more than to be his little girl again. But that stage has passed. I’m just a reflection of his failures to him. Except when I do well. Then of course he’s over the moon, I’m showered with praise, so others can see how well he did without my mother. To prove his worth to others, that he’s not such a shit parent after all. From as long as I could remember my father was my idol, he was my superhero, the man who my mother didn’t understand. The man she spoke ill of, and the man I defended with my whole heart as a little girl. Nobody could tarnish the image I had of him, except him. But even after all he has neglected, I still find in my heart a complex love for him. Which I think he does the same. ",,22,N03l_2,2024-01-16 16:33:51 Feminism,197pwxa,MLK Day just makes me angry- most Americans would hate him today,"MLK Jr. got arrested for boycotting the Montgomery Bus Company because boycotts were illegal at the time. So he got arrested and convicted, while just encouraging people to spend their time and money elsewhere. Bonkers. Yet, in the year of our Lord 2024, there are dumbass people, including everyone who leads the NFL, who HATE Colin Kapernick for kneeling to the flag to protest police brutality. In 2024 there are folks who whimper ""All Lives Matter!"" and put Thin Blue Line stickers on their stupid cars in direct opposition to the Black Lives Matter movement. If MLK was around today, do you think he'd be standing for the flag? nOPE. Do you think he'd be shouting that All Lives Matter Not Just Black Lives? Absofuckinglutely not. Do you think he'd point out that Breona Taylor's death was justified cuz her boyfriend sucked? Hell no. It is so angering that MLK is so idolized by so many who ignore and, in fact, contribute to the very real racism that exists today. I want to just shout and scream at all those fake ass people who honor MLKs day while turning around and enacting racist policies and voting for racist people. And before anyone says ""this is a feminism forum not an anti racism forum,"" look up misogynoir and tell me that we can achieve equality without addressing racism, because we cannot. Equality for all is not possible until we eliminate racism as well.",,213,2kyle2furious,2024-01-16 01:14:15 Feminism,199a7ts,Why do so many women think they wear makeup for themselves?,"I think that people who wear makeup do not wear it for themselves. I've been getting a lot of videos on my TikTok where misogynistic men will invite OnlyFans workers and do a podcast with them-- and because none of the people there are actually qualified to debate about the topic or even wanting to properly discuss the topic of feminism, the women go on a rampage about how they wear makeup and produce OnlyFans content for themselves while the men have a fit about how women only wear makeup for male viewing and pleasure. When I watched this video, I was quite angry at both parties because they both seemed to be at completely different understanding of why someone wears makeup. And I was also surprised at the amount of comments saying that women absolutely wear makeup for themselves. And I used to believe that too at my very early stages of learning feminism. I believed that because as a woman myself, I was so sick of hearing that everything I did was for a man. I remember being a young girl and wearing a particularly nice dress for school, and my mother commented; ""Ooh, do you have a boy that you like in your class?"" And I remember being very confused because I just wanted to look pretty and nice for the day, not specifically for anyone. I remember feeling like a performer rest of that day because suddenly I was aware that I was wearing a dress, and it felt like every boy in that class was judging me. And I think that is why so many women nowadays believe that they wear makeup for themselves. Because we are in this society with a rise in feminism (on tiktok, we call it bimbofication of feminism where people use stereotypical gender roles to criticize the patriarchy) and this return to ""girlhood,"" and women are realizing that they are sick of hearing that whatever they do is for male attention. Hence the reasoning that wearing makeup is a choice that they 100% make on their own, for their own eyes. However, wearing makeup, at a basic level, is to ""enhance one's beauty."" Some call it art, but most of the time it is for beauty. And beauty is a societal expectation that relies on capitalism, sexism, and racism. When a person wears makeup, they cover ""imperfections"" to appear more attractive within (usually western) societal beauty standards. And that desire stems from the high societal pressure that blames and punishes unattractiveness while praising and glorifying attractiveness. Same thing with cosmetic surgeries such as nose jobs and boob jobs. So, when a woman is wearing makeup, she isn't really wearing it for herself. A lot of women claim that they wear makeup even if they don't go out, but the reality of that input is that women feel the need to be constantly pretty. Because of the terrible expectation that the world puts on women. So when I say ""Women don't wear makeup for themselves,"" I'm not saying ""Women wear makeup for men."" Fuck anyone who says that. I am saying ""Women wear makeup for society."" This is very standard knowledge that I thought everyone knew. But I was surprised at the amount of women (specifically on tiktok because I believe that app is truly a mess when it comes to feminism) who believed that they wore makeup for themselves. I'm wondering if I am missing something-- because I cannot figure out why so many women are pro-makeup. I wear makeup because I'm pretty insecure about my face, but I do acknowledge that makeup in the long run could be bad for your skin, contributing to capitalism, etc. If you believe that you wear makeup for yourself, I would love to hear a reasoning behind it, and I would also love to know how I can explain myself to men who believe that women wear makeup for male viewing only. EDIT: Again, I'm not shaming women for wearing makeup? !! Nor am I saying men are the reason why we wear makeup? I'm saying that wearing makeup often leads to more favourable treatment from both men and society in general, and it is worth considering whether this societal expectation plays a part in the motivation behind choosing to wear makeup. EDIT 2: If you wear makeup for the objective of being beautiful, then you are acknowledging that there is a standard of beauty that you must use makeup in order to achieve it. Where does that beauty standard come from? Does it come from within oneself or does it come from society? That is the part I want to put emphasis on. Because no matter what, a person’s bias will always be affected by the world. You can say you are wearing makeup for yourself, and the contemporary world has certainly gravitated towards that compared to the olden days, but you cannot deviate from capitalism and sexism when it comes to makeup. And again, this is not about the male gaze. ",,0,Iamliterally18iswear,2024-01-17 22:47:00 Feminism,197rct8,Kenya femicide: A woman's murder exposes the country's toxic online misogyny,,https://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-67987347,83,BurtonDesque,2024-01-16 02:20:49 Feminism,197c3c0,Women who victim blame,"Without going into much detail, I was choked without my consent and labeled that as assault on Reddit. I was also body shamed (you can look at my previous post for more details). Most of the comments were supportive, but here goes one that goes straight into victim blaming. What I find the most interesting about women who choose to victim blame is they almost get to the point, but completely miss it. Saying something like “verbal consent isn’t the only type of consent“ is weird to me, especially with something like choking. I’m confused on how one would consent non-verbally to choking. Like imagine the hills you had to go over and the amount of reaching required to say this after someone made it clear that it wasn’t consensual. It’s almost as if these women hate it that other women have sexual boundaries. The myth that all assault victims are perfect needs to die. Assault victims can participate in victim blaming as a way to make sense of the trauma they’ve experienced. And they can be VILE while doing it.",https://i.redd.it/ixpanamlmmcc1.jpeg,319,DigWinter7737,2024-01-15 15:59:21 Feminism,197dwpn,Tools for blocking youtube channels that are either rightwing or anti feminism. Now you can block out all those mens rights activist channels and clear up your youtube search!,,https://i.redd.it/swv6o563zmcc1.png,184,ClaireDacloush,2024-01-15 17:11:30 Feminism,197dey8,The hair on my legs is just extra insulation for all this snow ❄️ 😅 (prints by me),,https://i.redd.it/x038qbhyvmcc1.jpeg,185,SeaSlugChloe,2024-01-15 16:51:47 Feminism,197qt9v,"""Three Women""","Late to the party: I am currently reading ""Three Women"" by Lisa Taddeo. I'm half way through and I don't understand what the fuzz is all about. That book got praised so much.. To me, it's not a feminist book, I think it's quite sexist. What are your thoughts?",,16,AromaticHeart8943,2024-01-16 01:55:36 Feminism,197h8xi,I have a feminism blog and am looking for contributors,"I started a blog about my research in feminism a while ago and wanted to grow it by getting more like-minded people to write for the site, not sure if I’m allowed to post this here but here goes nothing",https://thescififeminist.blog/2024/01/15/looking-for-contributors/,57,JanewayPiAlpha,2024-01-15 19:21:29 Feminism,1971tiv,"For Female Fashion Models, Job Security and Sexual Harassment Are Often Intertwined. Research found while sexual harassment occurs in every industry, it is particularly prevalent in fashion, a sector populated by young girls taking directions from powerful men,",,https://www.rutgers.edu/news/female-fashion-models-job-security-and-sexual-harassment-are-often-intertwined,86,Fodla,2024-01-15 06:14:21 Feminism,196thth,I'm tired of performing femininity,"As a woman,I'm so tired of having to wear tight dresses,high heels,shaving while men don't get slack for not doing anything to change their appearance.I'm tired of libfems coming at radfems for pointing out how women are forced to be feminine and if they don't they be chastised by society and viewed as unhuman or ""manly"".I'm tired of women's clothing being oversexualized like how our shorts are too short for guys to see up our buttons, uncomfortable sequins/glitter and no pockets on pants.I'm not saying that it's not ok for women to like makeup or do girly things but goodness it's not wrong to admit that these things are apart of social conditioning.Why is it ok to call out ""toxic"" masculinity but not criticize femininity.If we want to get rid of gender roles then let's accept that both masculinity and femininity is bad and performing ""femininity"" doesn't really empower women but it hurts us.",,249,ChipmunkAmazing2105,2024-01-14 23:20:55 Feminism,19729hv,The Plastic Feminism of Barbie,,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RToUZJ0l7Pk,54,SamusArani,2024-01-15 06:41:27 Feminism,197lnkg,"More than half of those applying for domestic violence payment are rejected, data shows",,https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2024/jan/16/domestic-violence-support-payment-rate-data-under-half-accepted,3,FuckHopeSignedMe,2024-01-15 22:12:43 Feminism,1967s2c,Should we socialize all children the way we socialize girls?,"Hello I have been giving a lot of thought lately to the impact of socialization and gender on individuals, and it has left me feeling concerned about the prevalence of patriarchy. I am curious to know your opinion on a couple of potential solutions that have been on my mind. Firstly, I wonder if it might be helpful to avoid assigning gender to children altogether, allowing them the freedom to explore their own identity without the limitations of societal norms. Alternatively, I have been considering the idea of socializing all children in a way that prioritizes typically feminine traits such as empathy, emotional intelligence, and caregiving skills. What do you think?",,192,Stella_Farrah,2024-01-14 04:53:55 Feminism,196i9uw,Is increased introversion a possible benefit towards Feminism?,"This is my first post on here, I have rarely interacted with Feminism as I myself am quite introverted. Though it can be hard to fully ascertain someone's motives on the internet, I hope that I can ascertain the right words to convery that this post is purely made out of curiosity (if there is any issue with this post I would enjoy learning how and why). I'm not talking about the terrible people on the internet, that abuse anonymity to hurt those around them out of schadenfreude or simple sociopathic natures. I'm curious about those that simply engage less in society, that still will go to their 9 to 5 and are far less likely to engage in relationships simply because they either focus on work or simply perfer to live alone. If these people weren't doing so out of sexism (MGTOW is a good example of the inverse), and thus never spread terrible ideologies, would this continual trend be beneficial in creating a far more egalitarian society?",,14,DrSleeperAgent,2024-01-14 15:25:01 Feminism,19619z3,Internalised Misogyny of Mothers,"I went home for Christmas to see my family and it got me thinking about my childhood. I remember in my teen years confronting my mother (truthfully but also stroppily) by saying how she never loved me as much as my older brother. She didn't reply how I expected and simply said ""Boys are easier to love than girls. Girls are bitches"". And I've never ever forgotten this. I've even brought it up to her again at times and she's always agreed with that statement, never seeming to think how it must make me feel. It broke my heart. To confirm what I had always felt. And even as an adult it makes me sob like a child to think that if id been born a boy...maybe she would have loved me and our relationship wouldn't have been as painful as it always been. And it made me think of all the ways young girls behaviour is twisted. My mother's stories of mine and my brother's childhood seemed to villainise me. My brother struggled with speaking and was late, whereas I developed speech quickly. This was of course me being ""gobby"" and ""always needing to get involved"". Even the fact I was born early and he was late was a a girlish sign that I could never mind my own business. These seem like jokey things but the more I've grown the more I've come to believe my mother really does believe these things. Small comments mean so much to a girl who grew up feeling unloved and like she was born evil. That there's something intrinsically wrong with girls. It's sad because when I heard stories of her youth I always thought ""my god you hated yourself"". She's never been able to see past her internalised Misogyny and I don't think she ever will, which upsets me because it must hurt her? It used to make me laugh that my mum thought she had such a difficult relationship with me because girls are just born bitchy, and not because of the fact I'd dealt with an emotionally unavailable mothe. My brother wasn't ""bitchy"" because she had lavished him with love. But to her, it's because he's naturally angelic. He can do no wrong. I've spent my whole life trying to prove I'm worth loving. I'm the first in the family to go to university and I was the only child who ever took school seriously. But these things don't matter to her. He's always going to be more important. It's such a medieval concept, this idea of boys better and it breaks my heart that my own mother thinks that. I have spent my life trying to form these amazing female bonds and the friendships I have are so wonderful. I attached myself to feminist teachers in my life. I just wish my mother could see past all the lies and nonsense and see that she just had a baby girl. I wasn't evil. I wasn't bitchy. I just wanted to be loved.",,178,madonna4ever,2024-01-13 23:24:20 Feminism,195qbh5,Deselected for being a woman,"I'm so over this shit. I'm 52. Been in a big, bad ass fire department for 26 years. I have never dropped the ball in any aspect on that job. Me n other females on the job have worked 110% so they leave us alone. And some still don't. I was chosen last year to help instruct a fire department way up north from us. A beautiful island. They r proactive because they have $ from tourism to train and need to be ontop of their game because of people load in summer. Not to mention their Chief is pretty solid on all sides. Here's the but. Last year there wr 3 firefighters that attended training days the Chief puts on. They wr woman. This year I was told by another invite from my dept who instructed w me last year that I wasn't needed cuz, there were no other females attending class this year. This is what the Chf said to my guy about me not being reinvited. Chf has invited guys from my department in place of me that have less time on the job so less experience but they got an extra appendage than me. So I'm out. My feathers shouldn't be ruffled cuz it's in February and can get way below freezing where we train so I can go sit my ass on a beach now. But that's some bullshit. Ima firefighter. What does it matter what I look like. He would have said he just choose others instead of saying the female part if I really wasn't a qualified instructor right? Am I mistaken? getting it twisted? I feel it's some bullshit. Edit. That is not my Chief. But a Chief from a small up north department that hired me last year. This year no hire back because as there r no female firefighters I am of no use with my experience that is more than a male that other department Chief hired. ",,323,shannypants2000,2024-01-13 15:23:09 Feminism,195sn5c,Male Gaze," Margret Atwood’s comment on the male gaze “*unconscious of the ever-present watcher peering through* *the keyhole, peering through the keyhole in your own head, if nowhere else. You are a woman with a man inside watching a woman. You are your own voyeur.”* This observation rung a bell for me and un-doubtly all women, however it scares me to think this is a disease I can never escape from. I still catch myself undressing as if one is watching me, or doing the most miniscule unimportant task ever, yet subconsciously I can feel the presence of a man. And when I catch these thoughts, I stumble in my own actions and feel weak and isolated. I am a slave to men, whether I acknowledge or not, everything I do and don’t do is a fantasy to a man. It takes time and years to understand what it means to be a woman, but as a young woman who is hyperaware of that phantom man who torments her very existence, It”s a journey which I look forward to. I want to be a wo(man) and fe(male) free of male existence, I want to be myself free from echoes of that unwarranted “watcher” constantly lurking within me.",,214,N03l_2,2024-01-13 17:05:40 Feminism,195n6xn,Women Being Addressed By First Names,"I'm currently doing a media class in school, and we're looking at Propp's theory (the guy that did the hero archetypes stuff) and Mulvey's male gaze theory. Mulvey is exclusively referred to as 'Laura' or 'Laura Mulvey' whilst Propp is known as 'Propp' and never 'Vladimir' or 'Vladmir Propp' which I said to my media teacher, who seemed to think there was no problem with this. Despite their theories being discussed equally and held to equal status, Mulvey is addressed by first name. I'm aware this has been discussed before, but even when we're discussing in class how sexist the 1950's media was, we're still participating in it ourselves. How can we stop this being so normalised in society? I seem to be the only one in my class to have mentioned this and it just gives me a bad feeling about the general population. I thought we were better than this.",,201,Reddemonichero,2024-01-13 12:42:27 Feminism,195f4pl,I Want A Wife,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/195f4pl,718,lewisjessicag,2024-01-13 04:09:23 Feminism,195f8eu,This Facebook comment deserves applause and I thought I’d share it with you all,It’s just so… *chefs kiss*,https://i.redd.it/yduacr32v4cc1.jpeg,418,-viasteph,2024-01-13 04:14:40 Feminism,195qndd,Is it feminist to engage in casual relationships?,would you all do it? why and why not? I am a budding adult (18) and need some big sister advice on this!,,45,boot_pulge34,2024-01-13 15:38:29 Feminism,19602ar,I'm looking for movies about the male gaze,,/r/MovieSuggestions/comments/195y5aq/im_looking_for_movies_about_the_male_gaze/,8,Swimming-Item8891,2024-01-13 22:29:18 Feminism,195gaoq,This is hard for me to do because I have extreme discomfort of my body but I am posting to be in support of Brittany Watts in the US who miscarried,"Clearly these old men in power don't understand women's bodies. It's been clearly illustrated that they barely know what an abortion is let alone a miscarriage or how awful it is. That someone could get in legal trouble for this is mind boggling. I don't use twitter so I've never made a hashtag before but I want to maybe open a forum where people can post their experience with miscarriage. Like a post your abortion thing but with this also. I think we need to de-mythologise these things, that they aren't nice, they aren't a picture postcard of a women in hospital with people all around loving and caring and making sure she is all right and all this BS. Sometimes it's alone and ugly and you just have to move on. The is the first time I'm talking about this outside of a doctor office, a trauma therapist or to my partner as it happened, ie I haven't told friends or family about this and never posted about it online. This can happen to anyone. Spoiler tag in case someone has bad PTSD about this they can skip it >!For me it was in the tail end of a relationship that had gone sour, I was living with my partner, a transwoman, who for some reason as she was starting to transition flipped from being supportive to the most misogynistic person I've ever met, and that includes out and out sexists but in a more seething and underhanded manner. It was like she was inflicting her dysphoria on me and I've never been a super effeminate person but she was trying to push me into being someone who I wasn't and being super mean about it as well !< >!We weren't intimate often, so infrequently that since I get bad side effects of hormonal birth control so I didn't take it but sometimes the condom would break. !< >!Other times I have been pregnant I had significant spotting at the time of my period so I didn't really think about it but one time I went to the washroom and there was pain very high up inside me and a LOT of blood and something passed that wasn't a clot and afterwards I looked and it appeared like a bird embryo only dark red and I kind of freaked and sort of repulsively flushed and I went out and told my partner and that I wanted to go to the hospital. !< >!She was too busy with her ""friend"" (she was having an online affair right out in the open and lying about it) and I had moved there to be with her and was completely isolated. Also I have such fear of doctors when it comes to anything to do with women's health stuff and I said I needed her to go with me. !< >!She very rudely started ummm 'splaining my period to me which was fucking baffling because she knew nothing about this and I was her first female partner, how the hell can she tell me anything? I was floored by how cruel she had become, we were together 7 years before I moved and she had morphed into this really cruel callous monster. !< >!I just sort of went into a ball and cried as quietly as I could so she wouldn't get mad.!< So nothing was done. In fact, it would have never occurred to me to scoop it out and like ""treat it like a corpse"" or whatever. So like, yeah. I get that most people hear of a miscarriage that happens at the hospital and people all gather round to support the woman but sometimes it doesn't reabsorb and comes out like that and you just have to go on with your day. I can't imagine going through this and then having to deal with legal repercussions for it. That's fucking nuts. I want to support Brittany Watts in every way I can &#x200B;",,158,TesseractToo,2024-01-13 05:12:25 Feminism,1959bce,Kate Cox on her struggle to obtain an abortion in Texas,,https://www.cbsnews.com/amp/news/kate-cox-interview-on-her-struggle-to-obtain-an-abortion-in-texas/,319,audiomuse1,2024-01-12 23:33:35 Feminism,195kqle,"This Marilyn Fyre quote is specific to misogynists, right?","&#x200B; [Someome subliminally sent this to me as a general rule and I want to get answers to the context.](https://preview.redd.it/fisiq2rvk6cc1.jpg?width=602&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2b73b9e92f7bb74cf049eae1709f936640143565)",,25,rinnygade,2024-01-13 10:01:31 Feminism,195s8t4,which book is this quote from?,"hi everyone! i remember seeing a passage from a feminist book on social media a while back, and i can’t really remember any specific parts of it but i would love to get the book, if anyone can help me identify it. the passage is basically about how some women feel protected by the patriarchy and feel unwilling to let go of patriarchal ideas, and makes an analogy (if i remember correctly) to feeling safe living under a rock attacked by ocean waves? maybe some sort of metaphor about a cage? honestly i can’t remember the analogy well but i remember there was one. all i remember is that the passage was about some women being unwilling to let go of the patriarchy because it protects them from something. sorry, i know this isn’t very helpful!! but if anyone has any idea what i’m talking about that would be amazing. thanks!",,7,premed_exe,2024-01-13 16:48:35 Feminism,1953xun,"""The Stanley craze: How a reusable cup became the latest symbol of overconsumption""","""It’s a tactic and marketing strategy that primarily draws in women. “I think there is a hyperfocus on women and their purchasing power, which ties into conversations on influencers … and the pushing of very feminine products happening in the wake of this very hyper feminine 2023 of Barbie and [Taylor Swift’s] Eras Tour and these much larger cultural touchstones and moments,” Coduto said."" This is fascinating to be honest! Does anyone know of any similar articles or even studies? Is this actually more of a ""women"" thing like the article states, with scarcity and that sort of marketing? Why is this? This does seem like a big problem of overconsumption, but again more of a women's issue. But is it only a women's thing? I know it seems to play into our like subconscious but how come you don't really hear of men doing similar things? I'd love to hear your thoughts, opinions, comments, etc! Would love to read more about this kinda stuff. Also hope it's okay to post this here! Apologies for any formatting issues. On my phone",https://19thnews.org/2024/01/stanley-cup-colors-craze-reusable-sustainability-overconsumption/,307,my_name_is_tree,2024-01-12 19:48:05 Feminism,194zxh8,"Why Texas is dead last in 'personal freedom,' according to new study",,https://www.wfaa.com/article/news/politics/yall-itics/texas-rankings-last-dallas-personal-freedom-cato-institute/287-91807d11-1b84-4886-9482-e53096276558,386,audiomuse1,2024-01-12 17:02:02 Feminism,195b0xz,"How Many of Your State’s Lawmakers Are Women? If You Live in the Southeast, It Could Be Just 1 in 5.",,https://www.propublica.org/article/state-lawmakers-women-southeast,45,nana488,2024-01-13 00:48:47 Feminism,194u4q4,"""Men are raised to not show emotion"", and women are?","Hi! So this will depend on the culture you grew up in, but a common talking point in MRA circles is that men have harder lives in general, but especially growing up. Taught to not show emotion except neutrality or anger. Personally, I don't see how that's especially different from being raised to always be pleasant and being shamed for ""overreacting"" if a woman shows emotion other than pleasantness. It seems like a case of ""she looks so happy, her life must be SO easy!"" Ignoring that the ""happy"" person is likely putting on a mask because not doing so typically garners a negative reaction from people, especially men. Similarly, MRAs complain about man flu and act like women don't conceal and treat their own pain and illnesses all the time and aren't taken seriously by medical doctors and aren't taken into consideration when most drugs are developed. Men are the standard, illness is taken seriously in men in a medical setting (with the exception of fainting), but may not be taken seriously at work or home a. Because employeers care more about men's and women's productivity more than their health and b. Compared to how many women I've noticed don't tend to draw attention to having a cold or flu and just tough it out, most men I've seen with either tend to act like they're dying and the world must stand still to tend to their needs Basically I find MRA and some feminist forums see things as exclusively gendered issues when it affects everyone and just might present slightly differently.",,379,ThisIsMySpaceJam,2024-01-12 12:41:27 Feminism,1951fpc,Want to see what Republicans want for abortion rights nationally? Look at Texas.,,https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/columnist/2023/12/10/texas-abortion-case-judge-permission-healthcare-decisions/71851981007/,89,audiomuse1,2024-01-12 18:03:35 Feminism,1958f7s,Just making my way down town...,"The amount of places I've tried posting this only to be rejected or deleted is truly astonishing. Mainly UK based subs, which are generally much more left leaning, oddly enough. Can you remember the first time you really - truly, absolutely - remember understanding that things weren't the same for you as they were for other people around you? People born with male parts, specifically? I have such a vivid memory of going to Secondary School (age 11 for US readers) and finally being allowed to walk to school (3-4 min walk) on my own for the first time. And about 90 seconds down the road, proudly shuffling down the street in my new uniform, my massive new shoes and my shiny backpack... I see the middle aged man ""enjoying himself loudly"" in the bushes. Ended up legging it down the road and feeling terrible for the rest of the day but it's always stuck with me. I was a little girl trying to make her first day of school. I thought he was having a wee for ages but always knew it wasn't quite right and made me feel utterly fucking minging. I've spoken to enough friends to know that this isn't an unusual occurrence. It's not an anomaly. It's not unusual. And yes, I am hoping someone completed the lyrics, just to alleviate the depressing tone! Go!",,27,Willswoo,2024-01-12 22:56:00 Feminism,194ksyr,"Rape is just another category on websites that host porn and something needs to actually be done to stop it. To say that rape is a ""niche"" topic in porn is greatly underestimating how popular it actually is. I am not kidding with this: we need to fight to have this content restricted.","&#x200B; [Recent searches pulled from a random website that focuses solely on this category of pornography. I will not disclose the website. ](https://preview.redd.it/sikcltcgexbc1.png?width=1086&format=png&auto=webp&s=1ee3f6c7efea3dd8420f899c5281ff40ac499457) I truly feel this effort needs to extend past internet activism, but I do believe that the internet can be a great tool to fight off this problem. If anyone is actually interested in helping fight this problem please give suggestions and or message me.",,615,Slow-Panda-2209,2024-01-12 03:13:35 Feminism,194nz2u,The way media is talking about a woman who was killed by her husband is just not okay,"[This Instagram post](https://www.instagram.com/p/C1m4hfsISV5/?igsh=NzBnempjYmc3bHd6) shows it really well. Here’s a bit of background and a rant: Melissa Hoskins was an Australian cyclist. She was a three-time Women’s Down Under champion and came 4th in the 2012 Olympics. On December 30, she was run over by a car in her driveway and died. That’s where most headlines end, but they leave out the fact it was *her husband* (also a champion cyclist) who hit her. He’s been charged with causing death by dangerous driving, driving without due care and endangering life. He was granted bail and will face court in March. There’s not many details about what happened yet, but I can’t imagine him being charged with those offences if it was an innocent, freak accident (of course innocent until proven guilty). Her name is often left out of headlines, only being referred to as “his wife”. At least his Wikipedia page details what happened and what he’s been charged with right under his bio. But on her page, it only says he was “allegedly” driving the car, even though it’s a fact. I was just watching ABC News, which is generally pretty good with this kind of thing, so I’m quite disappointed with them. They had a story about the Down Under Tour holding a minute’s silence for her before stage 1 began. *Not once* was it mentioned how she died. I recognise she shouldn’t be reduced to a woman who was killed by her husband, but the fact it was her husband and not just a stranger is important. The incident is often described as just a ""car crash"", which makes it sound like she was hit in the street, or in an actual accident while driving. The offences he’s been charged with are rarely mentioned in headlines, only saying he is accused of “killing” her. Some highlights for those who don’t have Instagram: “Former cyclist world champion charged over wife’s death” “World champion cyclist Rohan Dennis has been arrested accused of killing is *own* wife” (emphasis added by me) “Aussie cycling star Rohan Dennis charged over wife’s death” “Renowned professional cyclist Rohan Dennis has been arrested in Adelaide, accused of hitting his wife with his car” “Two-time Olympic cyclist dies at 32 after being hit by car” Sigh. EDIT for updated details: “According to the publication, it was around 8pm under clear skies when Hoskins jumped onto the bonnet of the ute and tried to grab the door handle in an attempt to stop the vehicle. Dennis allegedly continued to drive until his wife fell off the ute. She was allegedly dragged some way down the road, the publication reports.”Apparently it was caught on a neighbour’s CCTV camera. They were meant to go to a street Christmas party before it happened but didn’t show up. I found an example of, IMO, how headlines should be written. Of all places, it was Bicycling.com. “Former Olympian Melissa Hoskins Was Killed in a Crash. Her Husband, Rohan Dennis, Has Been Charged” She’s mentioned first with her accomplishments, and he’s just the spouse this time. Melissa became the *63rd* woman killed in an alleged violent incident in Australia last year, which is 1 every 5.7 days. In October, 6 women were killed in 10 days, with 5 allegedly by violence from men. We need to get our shit together as a country and start to realise that, *shock horror*, women are human beings who deserve to be safe. ",,308,SubstantialTone4477,2024-01-12 06:05:21 Feminism,194ciuy,"""you will die alone with cats""","It's so funny to me, how most men get mad about the fact that some women don't want to be mothers or have a husband. ""you're a woman you have to"" no i dont. Women are not just here to give birth and I think it's so embarrassing to think, that's the only purpose we have in life. It just shows how miserable they really are and probably regret a lot of things. I'm so happy everyone can decide to their own what they want in life wether that is to have a family or cats. And let's be honest here what's so bad about living alone with cats? sounds fun to me.",https://i.redd.it/fi0dehsxlvbc1.png,1485,hello_kitty4e,2024-01-11 21:07:31 Feminism,194l5p3,I hate having to leave my room as a woman,"*Warning: I wanted to rant abt this but I wasn’t sure what sub to put this in, so I may be in the wrong place* I recently moved to a new area by myself for school, and over the past couple of months, I’ve had way too many unwanted experiences with men. I started an new job not even two months ago and there are two guys who constantly stare at me and follow me around the store. I also have to take public transportation to get there, and I’ve had multiple instances men staring at me, trying to talk to me, and even trying to touch me (there’s also been one man on the bus who’s been stalking me). I know I’m definitely not the first person to experience this, but I’m so tired of living in fear everyday bc of things like this. I feel humiliated all the time and I’m not sure what to do about it. Edit: I originally posted this just to vent as most people I had confided in beforehand didn’t take me seriously. Needless to say, I was a little shocked at the amount of upvotes and kind comments I saw once I returned to this post. Thank you to everyone who commented advice and were able to empathize with me. It makes me feel a lot less alone in my frustration about this. :))",,75,Accomplished-Ad503,2024-01-12 03:32:03 Feminism,194ko3q,"St. Paul makes history with all-female city council, a rarity among large US cities",,https://apnews.com/article/all-female-city-council-st-paul-minnesota-63e1ae6fbe281d0965e3fcd15723b6cd,54,BlankVerse,2024-01-12 03:06:35 Feminism,1947og1,Trump Says He’s ‘Proud’ to Have ‘Terminated’ Abortion Rights,,https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/trump-says-proud-killed-abortion-rights-fox-town-hall-1234944546/,263,Professional_Suit270,2024-01-11 17:48:23 Feminism,19463gw,I'm so sick of how common mysogyny is,"I don't have that much experience, I'm just 18, but I've been in this world long enough to see things that are subtle and no one cares. Well, barely anyone, there are some people. But it's not discussed, it's just the reality. Because why would society want to change the fact that girls have to be careful their whole life's huh? Why would they care that you always have to go home with your friends to avoid creeps. Why would they care that old weird men talk to us on the streets, while we're minding our own business, no matter our age. Why would they care about our feelings? Why would they care that we're more than our sexual organs? Why would they care about us at all? I'm just so sick of the fact that men shit on our heads all the time for everything. I'm not talking about the good people, I know there are actually kind guys and men and I'm very glad for that. Though it seems a bit like something everyone should do, you know? Treat people with respect. I am also very aware that women can be as bad as men and it's awful. But we as a world still have a big issue. I'm just so tired and sick of the remarks, of husbands leaving everything to their wife's, of little girls getting harassed, of women getting harassed like it's nothing. I'm not even talking about the real crimes yet. I'm talking about everyday situations.",,296,I_Want_A_Cat_,2024-01-11 16:44:53 Feminism,194exoc,Brittany Watts was not charged by Grand Jury - but the damage has already been done,"It's good news that a grand jury in Ohio chose to NOT charge Brittany Watts over the ridiculous claim that by having a miscarriage over a toilet she had ""abused a corpse."" But we can't say all is well with that end to the witch hunt in Ohio. The reality is that this young woman may suffer from anxiety and mental health issues for a long time because her personal trauma was publicized in a horrible way to her community and to the world. Even on social media sites that are usually friendly to women experiencing miscarriages, there were some who posted criticism for how she left the hospital (after waiting 8 hours while the religious hospital's staff and attorneys debated whether they should save her life even when the miscarriage ensured no live birth was possible). I know someone who was wrongfully arrested and later the charges were dropped. But her life changed forever. She dropped out of all social activity in her neighborhood; she would pull over her car and have a panic attack whenever she saw police cars on the road; she faced shaming and humiliation from people she once trusted -- all based on their lack of compassion and understanding. AND - like Brittany - she hadn't done ANYTHING wrong or illegal. But being seen on TV in handcuffs will make some people forever certain that you are a bad person. So, let's each do our best to help the lawyers who represent women like Brittany and to elect ONLY public officials and prosecutors who support human rights and women's rights. [https://www.nytimes.com/2024/01/11/us/brittany-watts-ohio-miscarriage.html](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/01/11/us/brittany-watts-ohio-miscarriage.html)",,52,Entire-Ad2551,2024-01-11 22:46:51 Feminism,193zrfo,Why is commitment a priorty for women but not men?,"With the news about “male loneliness” and single-childless women being happier, why does commitment seem to be something women crave much more than men? Married men are in better health and make more money than single men; it is the opposite for women, of course. If men benefit from the institution of marriage and family, why do they run from it? Most importantly, if those same institutions are less beneficial for women, why run toward it? Is it an age-old “reverse psychology” trick?",,227,Large_Raspberry5252,2024-01-11 11:41:58 Feminism,1940sl3,"I don't get misogynist men, is this really what they want?","So I'm trying to understand their perspective (even though their perspective is bullshit and doesn't matter but ""know your enemy"" and whatnot) So they want power. They want to make sure they always have as much power as they can get and keep us as weak as possible. And then what? Why would anyone prefer a meek, diffident helpless womanchild over someone they can admire and befriend? Like a warrior queen who can drink her weight of ales after a good battle, a creative artist who wins awards, a CEO who orders you around but also makes you better at your job, a gruff and tough sailor who is surprisingly gentle with the city boy who fell for her, a life of the party surfer who makes you wet your pants with laughter with her weird jokes, a full-time worker who is also an amazing mother, a lawyer who you always go to for advice cause she's a problem-solver and you smile and roll your eyes when she's being a cocky know it all but damn she's cool, a confident businesswoman that turns your legs into jelly with one smile, a computer nerd who you need when your laptop starts glitching, a bookworm who reads and knows a lot more than you do, a woman who can burp the entire alphabet when he can only do a few letters, or any woman who is happy, confident, powerful and not ""less than"". So what, do they really just want us to be silent, apathetic, weak ragdolls with a fake smile and 3 holes to fuck? Always put upon, always sad, powerless, faking happiness, faking pleasure, hiding pain, insecure, incompetent, clumsy, childish, stupid, needy, confused, beaten up, raped doormats with severe Stockholm syndrome?! How can anyone want that, how can anyone be excited or turned on by someone like that? I mean, of course woman want equality, but why the hell don't men want it as much? Why would they want to spend time with people they consider less than themselves? Ughhh its just so frustrating and disgusting everything I've been reading online lately, I needed to rant. I can't believe I used to think I loved men when I was a kid, and after that I always described myself as a feminist but still didn't know how bad it was and thought men were alright cause the notion of gender didn't mean much to me, just a made-up thing to try to categorize some differences when everyone was actually pretty similar mentally, emotionally, morally, etc. regardless of gender. But after reading all these awful things lately, and realising the patriarchal bullshit that resided in my own subconscious, I'm starting to hate the lot of them and I have rumination OCD so I can't think about anything else lately. Can anyone suggest a movie or a book that have feminist male characters cause I am short of those in real life and I really need to restore my faith in humanity again... Sorry if this is not appropriate, first time posting, second language and all that. &#x200B; &#x200B;",,188,elunewell,2024-01-11 12:40:24 Feminism,1944jnx,Race Team Would Rather Create A Fake AI Woman Rather Than Hire A Real One,,https://autos.yahoo.com/race-team-creates-fake-ai-145000658.html,42,ClaireDacloush,2024-01-11 15:38:33 Feminism,193d6r4,"Girls mature faster, so…",Credit to @Lainey.Molnar on Instagram,https://i.redd.it/zmqtz54v9nbc1.jpeg,1623,Shea_Scarlet,2024-01-10 17:05:36 Feminism,193vomx,Comedian Roasts Fox News After Her 'Feminism' Joke Goes Way Over Their Heads,,https://www.huffpost.com/entry/los-angeles-comedian-roasts-fox-news-tiktok-feminism-joke_n_659edc53e4b0712b12c35e97,52,BurtonDesque,2024-01-11 07:07:21 Feminism,1944ypp,Do you think that grammatical gender affects the way people think?,"At least if they are referred to as masculine and feminine, not common and neutral like het vs de in Dutch. English people often call ships she for some reason. ",,6,Awesomeuser90,2024-01-11 15:57:05 Feminism,193ffdr,i cannot handle republicans,"posting this to reddit because i need to let out some of my thoughts. I geniunely have no idea how to navigate through a world where there are so many conservatives who are so unaware of the reality of the world right now. I have so many strong views of the world that it is ruining my life and causing me to be depressed and overwhelmed. For example, today my english teacher made our class sit and watch this debate class that was happening in the library. The topic was “do you think women face more social pressure and oppression than men? ironically the table that was standing up for women was 3 men, and the table taking the men’s side were 3 women. After one of the men gave a speech about how women are socially pressured to look a certain way, one of the women came up and started going off about how men suffer more than women in this society. her reasoning was that men have worse mental health, and then she began talking about how it was “unfair on men that they should have to protect us”. she said that society expects men to be strong and protect us and that it isn’t fair to them. i was so overwhelmed with emotion i had to get up and leave. i’m not even going to explain why this is wrong but i don’t even how to process how so many women could take this position and i feel so helpless. The only reason society expects this of men is because men are the ones to CAUSE DANGER?",,213,Dry_Benefit_1163,2024-01-10 18:35:25 Feminism,1939j1f,"Do pregnant women have a right to urgent medical care? No, according to a US court | Moira Donegan",,https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2024/jan/10/pregnant-women-urgent-medical-care-us-court-texas,399,AlysonBurgers,2024-01-10 14:29:18 Feminism,1946f5z,Looking for material for group discussions on equality,"Hi /r/Feminism ! I'm currently a student at a type of boarding school that teaches in a number of different disciplines. My year is unfortunately very unevenly divided between genders with a distribution of approximately 4:1 in favor of men. Quite a few students agree that both the institution and us students could do more work to educate ourselves and eachother on the problems of gender inequality. All the men in our department meets regularly in small groups to have ""men's dinner"", which is an online format of discussion points about men's mental health, how we deal with relationships and interact with other people. The format could be described like this: the participants are divided into random groups of about 4-7 people. They sit down, pick one of the topics from the website which contain questions for group discussion. A few examples of topics are love, friendship, fragility and ego. The participants in the group take turns answering the current question (if they feel comfortable) and the discussion goes on for something like 1,5 hours. The reason that the format is succesfull is in party due to the nature of the questions: they go from answerable with yes/no to more in depth prompts for discussion, but they remain connected to the current topic. The format also has the advantage of being accessible to anyone instantly without previous knowledge on theory of any kind. &nbsp; We, the students, have discussed using this meeting routine to discuss gender equality in addition to men's dinner. Does anyone know of any similar resources that deal with gender equality? &nbsp; Many who participate in the meetings already like the concept, and I personally thinks it brings us closer together in a way that can be difficult, epecially for men sometimes. I suppose the purpose of future discussions on gender equality, where everyone of any gender identity would be invited, would be both to illuminate and adress problems at our institution and in society in general, and also give the opportunity for us to speak together in a safe environment ""with our guards down"" in a way. It being a nice experience is a high priority - it's about teaching and discussing, not about placing blame on individuals. &nbsp; Thanks in advance! And English is not my first language blah blah, yeah. Thanks!",,3,Froggietwofrog,2024-01-11 16:58:16 Feminism,193cclk,"Is there such a thing as, like, kink bombardment or something?","Hey all— I (25F) had an experience on Sunday that made me think about the dynamics around some of this kinky stuff guys are increasingly getting exposed to. I was on a first date and I didn’t originally plan on sleeping with him but it happened. I definitely consented, but it wasn’t fun. I’ve had this experience many times now, where I am in bed with someone I don’t know too well, and they start from the assumption that I share their kinks, shifting the burden onto me to clarify what I don’t like instead of asking before. He slapped me, for example, and called me names I’m not comfortable with. He choked me so hard my neck was sore still yesterday on Tuesday and my vagina is still sore today on Wednesday. It was all happening in such quick succession that I could only call attention to one thing at a time. It seems like these guys will just throw the whole book of aggressive rough sex at you at once. I’ve never had someone ask to slap me, they always just do it. And then I’m stuck having to fight against the voice in my head that goes “you’re asking for too much, you’re ruining his fun, you’re being too prudish” because I still have that deep ingrained thing in me that makes me protect men’s egos at all costs. If I wanted sex that was good for me, I would have had to stop him every five seconds and correct like three things at a time. It just didn’t feel worth it, knowing I would just come off critical and particular. I also have a lot of sexual trauma, like many women, that leads me to consistently feel like my wants and feelings are inherently suspicious while others’ should be accepted as the default. It feels like asking for too much to ask for anything, to the extent that this Sunday was still a major progression from previous sex in terms of my ability to set boundaries. But even at my best, most confident version of me so far, I still couldn’t keep up with the barrage of kinks. Has anyone else experienced this? Is there a word for it?",,163,BetterThan40,2024-01-10 16:31:24 Feminism,1935f6z,“Girls can’t have conversations like me and the boys do.”,"My brother said this too me while we were driving to our family vacation literal months ago and it’s still stuck in my head. While I can’t remember the exact words he used, he was saying that he believed that “females” could only talk about ‘girly things’ such as boys and shopping, and couldn’t have the deep conversation that he has with his male friends, and that was one of his primary reasons for not having any girl friends. When I tried to tell him how ridiculous that was, thinking women couldn’t have deep conversations simply because of our gender, he just stayed stubborn and said he’d only ever heard girls talk about shallow things. My brother turned 20 a few months ago, and over the course of a few years I’ve watched him because more and more sexist (among other hateful things) and it truly hurts. Hearing him say women use the ‘rape card’ whenever they don’t get their way cut deep, especially as a victim of rape, although he doesn’t know that. I just can’t find where my brother who has two friends, barely showers or brushes his teeth, is a failed sneaker head and had a bag of moldy bread in his room for almost an entire week finds the audacity to believe women can’t be their own beings, and have deep conversations and exist outside of a man’s perspective. Like what??? Men continue to amaze me.",,319,Notyou3333,2024-01-10 10:39:39 Feminism,194l91g,F 18 and M 24: My boyfriend just admitted to me that he wants to use me as a sexual object.,"My boyfriend just admitted to me that he wants to use me as a sexual object. But I love the idea of it happening. He is really respectful, and has treated me well from square one. Does this make me a bad feminist?",,0,gutenhundin,2024-01-12 03:37:04 Feminism,193j777,"The price of war for women: new roles, emerging challenges",,https://commons.com.ua/en/cina-vijni-dlya-zhinok/,15,uanar,2024-01-10 21:07:15 Feminism,193bri4,Race Team Creates A Fake AI Woman Rather Than Hire A Real One,,https://jalopnik.com/motorsport-team-would-rather-just-hire-an-ai-woman-than-1851155004,31,steen311,2024-01-10 16:06:24 Feminism,192zzd0,Men sometimes istg 😭,,https://i.redd.it/c18yvu0tmjbc1.png,251,ImTheReallyCoolOne,2024-01-10 04:51:31 Feminism,1931dug,"Welp - this is our ""progress."" Kids raping kids...","https://www.theguardian.com/society/2024/jan/10/children-now-biggest-perpetrators-of-sexual-abuse-against-children This really scares me....",,160,mylifewillchange,2024-01-10 06:07:22 Feminism,192wmd0,“I hang out with guys because they’re less drama”,"One time my roommate told our guy friend’s gf about the degrading things he was saying about her to our friends. He found out and kept my roommate out of all group plans for two weeks. We started planning girls nights within the friendgroup and he would bombard our groupchat with accusatory/ demeaning spam to pick fights. Another time we had a guy friend boast in our groupchat about a girl leaving her number on his car. Everyone including his girlfriend was in there. When she got upset and reacted he called her crazy, dramatic, and every other name you can imagine. I had a guy friend get upset with me for pointing out his abusive behavior to his girlfriend. He told me “you’re the reason your moms in the hospital.” My mom was getting a face lift. The first time I noticed a mans abusive behaviors towards a friend, I privately messaged him explaining how it was drastically impacting/ affecting her and how hurt I felt for her. He informed me he would be ending his life because I “made him see how bad a person he was” and said if I told anyone, he would send my message to my friend and ruin our relationship. I called the police and he was baker acted, then went on to blame the entire thing on me to my friend and told her to cut me off. She did, and he broke up with her shortly after. One time I agreed to drive my boyfriend, now ex, to the doctor and asked him to look up the building to make sure it was open, since the previous two times I drove him there they were closed. He ended up punching the wall next to my head and screaming in my face. I once had a guy friend tell me and my roommate to get raped. We told his girlfriend and he retaliated by saying if she was going to “believe these trashy whores then we shouldn’t be together.” This was in a groupchat (that I added him to) of my close friends (that I introduced him to). Never in my life have I had worse drama with my girl friends than when men were involved in the group/ our lives. I’m so tired of hearing that girls are dramatic/ sensitive for expressing their emotions when men more commonly act on them IN THE WORST WAY POSSIBLE!!!",,205,makko007,2024-01-10 02:01:47 Feminism,19304y4,What's radfems take on Onlyfans?,Ik radfems oppose porn and sex-work because they are inherently exploitative. They think sex work is fueled by patriarchy therefore women are victims of it & porn shouldn't be promoted (unlike libfems who view those empowering & believe modifying your body in ways you like is based and freedom pilled). I haven't seen radfems talking about OF though. Do they see it as a form of pornification? Or since pimping is absent & women independently share content that diminishes the exploitation aspect?,,72,quizzicalist,2024-01-10 04:59:57 Feminism,192hboq,The Chinese government is trying to rebrand forced sterilization as feminism | Arwa Mahdawi,,https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2021/jan/09/china-forced-sterilizations-feminist-rebrand,28,strong-Koala-1010,2024-01-09 15:31:49 Feminism,191zhub,My husband (32M) took down my (33F) pride flag.,"So my husband (32M) and I (33F) have been together almost 16 years, and have been married for almost 5 years. When we started dating and throughout most of our relationship we have both been on the same page with our core beliefs and political views. That all changed in 2020 when Trump was running for president. It was like a switch flipped and all of the sudden my husband started making anti-trans comments, antiabortion comments, and other comments that completely go against what we had agreed we believed in for all these years. For example: I put up a rainbow welcome sign by our front gate that said ""All are welcome here"". I had noticed a neighbor had a pride flag and I wished to show that we support them. But he said he wasn't comfortable having the sign and removed it. I do understand that we live in a small town in the South, but you couldn't see the flag from the road. Our front gate is a few acres back from the road. I am extremely uncomfortable with his hateful views toward other humans. Especially because we have a young son together and I am terrified that he is going to impress his intolerant views on our sweet son. And I don't feel he respects me as a woman. I have tried talking to him about it and he just says that his views have changed. Ugh I don't know what to do and needed to vent. I feel like the toxic comments he makes are pushing me further and further away from him. #feminist #vent #tolerance",,331,BaitAndSwitched11,2024-01-08 23:26:00 Feminism,191llqw,Feminism and Dual Unpaid Labor in traditional Culture.,"Liberal feminism's call for rights within the system is crucial, but in traditional cultures, achieving these rights without addressing barriers leads to dual unpaid labor for women. Empowerment for women shouldn't solely focus on workplace participation. It must encompass a holistic approach that considers societal expectations beyond employment. Often, discussions about women's rights overlook the underlying exploitation and oppression they face in carrying the burden of household responsibilities alongside their careers. In traditional societies,, women are expected to manage households, raise children, and even when they work, these responsibilities remain. Their earned income is often controlled by male family members, making them dual unpaid labors. The vulnerability of women in third world countries, for example, Baloch and Pashtun women, is multifaceted. They face oppression from state, religious extremism, tribalism, and patriarchy, layered and complex. Recognizing the intersectionality of oppression and problems faced by women is vital. Their struggles encompass various layers - societal, cultural, religious, and systemic. Improvement in women's conditions demands addressing these complex factors. Without addressing the layered vulnerabilities and intersecting oppressions, progress will remain challenging.",https://i.redd.it/dvcm3i9s08bc1.jpeg,1565,mirwaiskk12,2024-01-08 13:48:00 Feminism,191tzvq,Men are hitting on my scheduling bot because it has a woman's name,,https://www.askamanager.org/2024/01/men-are-hitting-on-my-scheduling-bot-because-it-has-a-womans-name.html,404,katespadesaturday,2024-01-08 19:45:45 Feminism,192z1q1,"Lost tiktok, help me find It, plz","Was a husband saying his wife forgot tu Buy a can of some food, and he, decided not to buying, so she will remember. Something like.that. please :(",,0,sofiamm23,2024-01-10 04:02:30 Feminism,191waye,"In his bid for U.S. Senate to unseat Ted Cruz in Texas, Democrat Colin Allred says he expects abortion rights issue to motivate voters",,https://www.khou.com/article/news/politics/inside-politics/texas-politics/in-bid-for-us-senate-democrat-colin-allred-says-he-expects-abortion-rights-issue-to-motivate-voters/287-47836750-e5d4-4008-9826-243cc89dcca9,280,audiomuse1,2024-01-08 21:16:59 Feminism,191v96h,Rightfully pointing out we live in a patriarchy society and that baby girls are and have been systematically subject to extreme misogyny (including abandonment and death) makes ME the sexist one ??,"I posted in another subreddit mainly frequented by women about babies/pregnancy how men being disappointed in not having sons cannot remotely be compared to women disappointed in not having daughters because of historical and widespread misogyny in our patriarchal society and I’M the one being called sexist ?? My full post: It’s a false equivalence to pretend that the two are remotely the same. Women that are disappointed to not be having a daughter are usually experiencing it for harmless reasons or reasons that make sense, such as from genuine bad past experiences with men (I have been a victim of SA and DV exclusively from men for example and have a rightful twinge of fear of raising a boy in a patriarchal society), whereas men who are disappointed to not be having a daughter are experiencing it for misogynistic reasons (stupid reasons such as their “legacy”, belief in strict gender roles, and genuinely thinking boys are superior to girls). You never see moms throwing a public tantrum when the gender reveal is blue, whereas men will throw the most public and immature tantrums when it’s pink. Men are so spoiled and coddled that they think they even have the right to be disappointed when they literally contribute nothing to the physical and mental load of pregnancy and childbirth. They should be grateful a woman is even bearing them a child. Clearly they aren’t because even though the default is the baby (girl or boy) gets their name it’s still not good enough for them. At least when a woman is disappointed she is the one actually bearing the child the whole time. And mothers end up being the default parent 99% of the time (its called “deadbeat father” for a reason) so even if they are initially disappointed, they end up doing all the care anyway regardless of the gender of the baby. Only one gender has systemically throughout history been subject to widespread killings and abandonment, and it’s not baby boys. This goes across all cultures throughout history. To pretend that a mother disappointed in not having a daughter is the same as a father not having a son is ignorant and living in a fantasy land. I also hate how the ‘solution’ to men being disappointed in their baby girls is to already force the unborn baby girl to cater to the father, such as ‘she can still go fishing/play sports/do ‘manly’ things with you’. SHE is the BABY/CHILD, why does she have to change to cater to the father and he won’t even consider catering to his baby? What makes his interests so special? And yet a ‘boy mom’ will proudly uproot her whole life around her son’s hobbies (soccer mom etc), and never expect her son to care about or share in her interests. I’ve had so many sexist, disappointing comments from people once they found out my baby is a girl, men and women included, across all generations. This includes a pervasive belief that baby boys are more special because they are ‘harder’ to get (it’s 50/50, that made me realise it’s the misogynistic belief in practice that when women make up just 14% or something of a crowd they’re seen as the majority because men are the default gender), teenage girls being demonised when it’s teen boys that commit crimes, are vandals and much worse in packs, baby boys “love their mother more”, that my husband is some how unlucky to be having a daughter, that it’s my fault we are having a girl (when men provide the other chromosome), and in their actions, including pressuring me to have another when I’ve not even birthed the first one and I am one and done, not acting excited by the gender, etc. Women still have so much internalised misogyny too that they don’t even realise it. The sexist passive aggressive comments have really impacted my mental health this pregnancy.",,262,BiscuitWoof,2024-01-08 20:34:57 Feminism,1927nlp,When was the moment you realized you needed to be a feminist?,"Hey everyone! I'm a man so this isn't my space. But I'm a writer and I'm doing research for my screenplay. It's a romantic comedy. The female lead is a feminist and there's a touch of social commentary within the film. I'm aiming for authenticity. I've already taken boatloads of notes (""binders full of women"" as Mitt Romney put it) but I'd like to understand why feminism resonated with you personally. When was the moment when you realized you *had* to be a feminist? Did you witness or experience an injustice? Or was your awakening triggered by something else? ",,42,Illmatic1990,2024-01-09 05:58:20 Feminism,191c54f,Every woman in America must vote with this in mind,,https://i.redd.it/1s792119l3bc1.png,1088,thegreatreality00,2024-01-08 04:11:27 Feminism,191pl1u,Viewers Furious After Golden Globes Host Jo Koy Jokes 'Barbie' Was A Movie About A 'Plastic Doll With Big Boobs',,https://vt.co/entertainment/golden-globes-host-jo-koy-barbie-joke,54,VT-Guide,2024-01-08 16:48:21 Feminism,191k8kc,Kids,"I'm 32. Most my friends have kids. Now all the older adults (parents of friends or friends of parents) ask me if I want kids, or why I don't have kids. Sometimes, I feel like the only thing I amount to is what I can reproduce. I don't have a desire to have kids. I imagine these kinds of pressures and questions will only get worse as I age.",,64,Throwupacct7777777,2024-01-08 12:34:47 Feminism,191b9mz,Is there an effective way to educate my boyfriend on Feminism?,"I have been dating my boyfriend for about 2 and a half months, and I’ve just noticed for a while that he seemingly hates women. I cannot think of a time where he said something nice about a woman. I’ll show him women sometimes (I think the ones I can remember are Cher, Alex Consani, and one of my college friends) and the first thing out of his mouth every time was “She’s ugly”. When we were in an argument recently he expressed that he doesn’t like that I talk with my friends about our problems because “A group chat full of women isn’t going to produce anything but negativity”. I brought it up to him in a discussion post-argument because I didn’t like his opinions on women, especially my friends, and he was kind of like “Well I had this ex that did that and she had some group of women always telling her to break up with me”. He doesn’t even seem to like his mom, but seems to sympathize with his dad who actively cheated on her. It kind of came to a head tonight, we were having a conversation and he said “I have never seen a good movie with a female lead” and I rattled off a number of movies he apparently hasn’t seen and then when I said one he did know he like explained it away like “Midsommar isn’t about just Dani” and “Horror movies don’t count because people don’t want to see horror movies with male protagonists because women are better at being scared”, and I cannot stop thinking about the conversation and the way he acted. With all this being said, he really hates incels, like to the core. He’s very adamant about how he thinks that Andrew Tate is a scourge on men and that toxic masculinity is extremely harmful and that he wouldn’t subscribe to that kind of behavior so I’m just finding it difficult to discern if he understands the impact of his behavior and how it actually reflects on him. I really want to give him the benefit of the doubt because he’s been really sweet and thoughtful, but I’m also not interested in pursuing a relationship with a man who hates women. I’m obviously willing to help him understand why what he’s saying is harmful, but is there even an effective way to do that? EDIT: ok I like logged out and came back to this. For the purpose of those asking for context of any kind, we’re both 19. I am in college, He is in paramedic school. I met him on a dating app and we went on a date in mid-late October. At the time I was very busy, I have a demanding career and I think we went on maybe 1-2 more dates in the span of the next month or so. Then things started to get kind of messy for me, I had a lot of problems come up. My car broke down and then I got really sick for a few days and then I ran into some financial problems and I fell into a deep depression due to burnout and some other factors. This guy was there for basically all of it. He drove me an hour to work and back for 2 days while my car was in the shop, he came and took care of me when I was sick, I had a big meltdown in his car and he encouraged me to seek help. He took me to be admitted to an inpatient facility for a few days, and he would call me 3 times a day and he took off work to collect my things to send me in the hospital. We haven’t done anything past kissing yet, I’ve got some past trauma with it, and I told him it probably wouldn’t be in the cards for a while, which he’s been very respectful of. The hang-up I’m having is that he’s clearly capable of empathy and thoughtfulness, and I don’t think of him to be a stupid person, but if he is those things then he should be able to see how harmful his words are, right? The only logical conclusion I can draw is that he doesn’t see me as a woman or something? Our argument was arguably my fault. I’ve got serious commitment issues, and it kind of started out as a “What are we?” Conversation. I admittedly said some harsh things about my expectations of him and he was hurt. The entire thing boiled down to “I don’t understand why you’re doing this if you’re not actually optimistic about it”, because at the time I wasn’t. For those of you telling me to break it off. Honestly that’s probably my best course of action. Especially with the way that he talks about other women. Even if it’s not directed towards me, I don’t want to put him in the vicinity of other women that I’m close to, because he clearly doesn’t know how to treat them.",,145,Unusual_Point1785,2024-01-08 03:26:13 Feminism,1916f2a,20 Most Feminist Countries in the World,"I take statistics with a big grain of salt but this article looks interesting. The 20-6 are listed in this article above, but the top five are listed in an [annoying article](https://www.insidermonkey.com/blog/5-most-feminist-countries-in-the-world-1194635/?singlepage=1), so here’s the top five: 5) Netherlands 4) Denmark 3) Norway 2) New Zealand 1) Sweden",https://finance.yahoo.com/news/20-most-feminist-countries-world-185531188.html,167,rswoodr,2024-01-07 23:42:54 Feminism,1922aq4,What do I do,"As a woman I often do not get along with women too well. It’s probably my social skills, but a lot of the times I get the sense that it is because of jealousy over boys or other things. Even if I rarely even interacted with a boy. If I try to talk to one and show my personality a bit they almost look at me with a scrunched up face or a disgusted one. I constantly make an effort to be a feminist and to never ruin the efforts and look down on the accomplishments of another woman. I also try to subdue any jealousies I have. But it does not work and people continue to be this way. Why is it that women can not get along. Can’t they see that the men turn us against each other. Isn’t there something wrong if a woman has to sacrifice being herself or doing normal things such as getting up from a chair in order to not be a threat or be looked at in a sexual way? Ps: I’m in high school so that might also be part of it, but I have had this experience with most of the female adults in my life as well.",,1,Jocalderonie,2024-01-09 01:30:18 Feminism,19171oh,How do you cope with sexism in anime/media?,"As I get older, I find myself becoming more angry about the choices people make and the content they consume. I’ve always considered myself alternative and hang around a lot in gaming / cosplay spaces, but I could never really get into watching anime. I never liked it because of its rampant sexism and fanservice and it’s enough for me not to read/comsume it. I know a lot of women enjoy the genre, even the more problematic ones. I haven’t had to really encounter it until my new friends and partner openly enjoy the genre and don’t enjoy much else. I’ve given it plenty of chances but it takes me out when something is so blatant and egregious. I’ve brought up my concerns to my partner and while they recognize and call out the problematic elements, the rest of the conversation just boils down to “I like the genre and there’s not much you can do about it”. I just feel like with the prevalence of it now, we’ve taken so many steps back. Like 90% of the stuff that happens in anime wouldn’t be able to pass now in your average TV show, and it feels like everyone is ignoring it. Even other feminists enjoy the genre and I simply can’t. I feel like I’m going crazy and either I need to cut everyone off and start new or find a way to cope. I don’t know if I’m overreacting or not. I know all media has its problematic elements, in which I ask how do you all cope? I watch things for escapism, and then I’m reminded of my place and how I’m perceived in the world and I can’t actually escape. I imagine a happier life where I don’t have to interact with this at all.",,85,Ok-Celebration-2698,2024-01-08 00:09:48 Feminism,190rf01,"I’ve been a feminis for a year now, but everyone around me say that I shouldn’t be too vocal or else I wouldn’t get married",I’m from a developing country and as you know not everyone is aware about the condition. they say (even women) that my ideology is just too far. on the other hand I want to get married but I realize that many guy do not want to be with someone who are too loud about women right. how do I cope with these dual feeling? I just cannot give up with all women right be wronged and even majority of women from my country are fine with this condition,,180,Inevitable-Tea9649,2024-01-07 12:47:38 Feminism,190hj8w,"An Iranian woman, Roya heshmati was sentenced to 74 lashes for wearing skirt, she wrote this testimony after the sentence was carried it out two days ago (read the comments)",,https://i.redd.it/zmklitxv5tac1.jpeg,1147,wtfiswrongwiithme,2024-01-07 02:41:17 Feminism,190jyjx,"""Take your Quran and whip me, I am not going to cover my hair"" Roya Heshamti was whipped 74 times for sharing the following photo, she refused to cover her hair even when they were whipping her.",,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/190jvki,340,Shekari_Club,2024-01-07 04:47:21 Feminism,190sdcs,"Women in video games done right… well, not for my cousin!","My cousin’s 15 and he still gets bored by a video game when he *has to play a female character.* He visibly dislikes having to do it. I watched him play The Last of Us and he actually sighed when control switched to *Ellie* from *Joel.* Why??? You’re still shooting zombies, still stabbing bad guys, nothing changed with the mechanics of the game! It’s just that now you’re playing a girl! I’’ll ask him to explain why he doesn’t like playing women characters and he literally can’t. He just shrugs and says, “I don’t know. I just don’t like it as much, I guess.” So frustrating to me. Not to mention when he let me play Uncharted 4 on his PS5 and he proceeded to mansplain the controls to me even though I told him I already played 1, 2, and 3. He also tried to correct my interpretation of the story after he *told me he was confused* and I started filling in gaps for him from those three earlier installments he never played or watched. Sigh. I’ve never been able to hang out with him for longer than 10 minutes.",,55,culpadasfeiticeiras,2024-01-07 13:40:07 Feminism,190l5op,What's the prime mover of female oppression?,"Recently I've read an old paper called [Hands, Tools and Weapons](https://redsails.org/hands-tools-weapons/), which I highly recommend. Friedrich Engels assigns the origin of patriarchy to the emergence of private property and class society and it seems like it's been an orthodox position even since. We've all heard about comparative gender equality in 'primitive' societies, right? Well, in this paper a material feminist Paola Tabet meticulously catalogues labour practices of a whole bunch of hunter-gatherer and other pre-civilization societies and concludes that more often than women in those societies are prohibited from using the most advanced tools and weapons available, making the women dependent on men and relegated to the most tedious and tiring work. What's curious is that the author leaves and open questions on how this first happening and why it kept happening. If this is a consistent pattern among all those people isolated from each other for millennia it seems prudent to assume it has deeper roots than mere happenstance. Maybe even a connection with childbirth, child rearing or just physical prowess? What do you guys think? Is there's a good paper on the topic I should read?",,189,PTI_brabanson,2024-01-07 05:51:04 Feminism,190mclv,Choosing to go grey naturally,"I'm on my early 40s, and have been going grey for 20 years. Sparsely at first, but more rapidly in the last 5 or so years. I've committed to not coloring my hair because I think it BS that women feel obligated to cover signs of aging, including grey hair. Usually I'm fine with this, but I find that as I progress in my career and my hair continues to become more and more grey, I worry about how I am perceived by others and how ""old"" I look because of my hair (combined with my refusal to partake in many beauty regimens like botox, heavy makeup, etc.). How do you stay on the course and not allow yourself to give in to traditional beauty norms? I don't usually worry about this kind of thing, but every once in a while I second guess my choices. I haven't received any comments regarding my hair or appearance, but I see literally everyone around me in their 40s and earlier dyeing their hair, getting surgery or injections, etc., and I struggle with comparing myself to them. Any advice?",,99,saltandvinegar935,2024-01-07 07:02:31 Feminism,190haon,Cried while debating about feminism,"(First post in this topic, I hope it will suit here) Tonight, I debated over feminism... Well actually I tried to explain to some guys friends notions related to feminism, like rape culture and objectification of women in our society. I tried my best to explain as best as I can, in the simplest words and especially, having enough empathy and understanding of men's point of view on this kind of subject, so that they could understand why it is ""normal"" for them not to comprehend right away the causes and issues involved But their ""questions"" and comments were so judgmental and ignorant that it made me feel like hysterical and extreme, whereas I was calm and patient. I was so pissed, so angry that it made me cry.. A cry of despair , or humiliation, I can't say... I cried because I felt so hopeless, so dumb and discredited Have you lived similar situations? How to prevent them? Especially crying of anger",,218,Haloauran,2024-01-07 02:29:25 Feminism,190k3jf,The GOP Hopes Contraception Can Solve Its Abortion Problem,,https://www.thedailybeast.com/the-gop-hopes-contraception-can-solve-its-abortion-problem,55,Jojuj,2024-01-07 04:54:40 Feminism,1908sjt,"A woman whose stomach isn’t perfectly flat = pregnant, obviously",,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/18zyyhs,252,SophiaofPrussia,2024-01-06 20:07:18 Feminism,1905q1f,Women always had hot flashes at work. Now they’re done hiding menopause,,https://www.latimes.com/business/story/2024-01-05/women-always-had-hot-flashes-at-work-now-theyre-done-hiding-menopause,114,BlankVerse,2024-01-06 17:57:18 Feminism,18zsn2i,My underarms are fully grown out. I let them loose at the gym today.,"And it felt really, really good. When I got there, I told myself that I would find myself a quiet corner or modify so as to not to flash my pits. Then I had a thought. Men have never had to give a second thought to rocking up to the gym with hairy anything. Why should I not allow myself the same grace. Felt so freeing to deadhang with my wonderfully fluffy pits on display.",,735,gg_capn_crunch,2024-01-06 05:36:14 Feminism,1906he4,Oscar Pistorius release: A reminder of South Africa's femicide problem,,https://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-67873941,54,BurtonDesque,2024-01-06 18:29:15 Feminism,190bqzl,Support women owned businesses,"I would like to know if there is a platform which only has female own businesses or female freelancers. A platform in which anyone can support talented women, especially those in male dominated industries. Let me know if this is something that exists.",,25,anamaharaj,2024-01-06 22:13:30 Feminism,1909t7g,"In order to support female musicians I made an all out female fronted music playlist. If u dig ALternative, Indie, Dream Pop u might dig this. Lets support the artists!!",,https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5rvYF6fSJsBpIpXQOC3sd0?si=dcc8ca40f54644ba,20,Brilliant-Sell-9127,2024-01-06 20:50:48 Feminism,1900uag,19 Remarkable Female Artists Who Reshaped the Art World,,https://adrianreynolds.ie/female-artists/,36,RenCreativeWorks,2024-01-06 14:13:34 Feminism,190c89u,Suggestions for a Career Advocating for Neurodiverse/Intellectually Disabled Women,Hello. I hope this is an appropriate sub for this question. I have an undergraduate degree in women’s and gender studies. My career focus right now is on nonprofit work with IDD populations. I would love to go back to school and combine these interests. But I am not sure what sort of career would be best suited for this. I have a few ideas but I would love to hear your suggestions and thoughts. Thank you!,,8,matts-ears,2024-01-06 22:34:03 Feminism,18zpx93,"Hossein Ronaghi, Iranian activist, has posted a story of a woman who recieved lashes and her resistance for not wearing hijab. I have translated this to the best of my abilities.",,https://i.redd.it/lxxqj7hbriac1.jpeg,191,SabziPoloBaMahee,2024-01-06 03:11:35 Feminism,18zxwm9,Do you have any book recommendations that dismantle misogyny in our sex culture?,I am new to the topic and haven't found a book that specifically talks about how misogyny in sex culture (and sexual objectification of women in general),,36,Upper_Forever_9530,2024-01-06 11:18:19 Feminism,18zpthc,Abortion Rally in Minnesota Tomorrow,,https://i.redd.it/15xkhqqikqac1.jpeg,125,LinneyBee,2024-01-06 03:06:32 Feminism,18zptki,"Iranian Hijab Rebels Whipped, Given Jail Term - if you are a feminist, please tell other people about these brave women",,https://www.iranintl.com/en/202401050537,52,SabziPoloBaMahee,2024-01-06 03:06:39 Feminism,18zg93l,“It Wasn’t That Bad” is Rape Culture,,https://youtu.be/lhgM7_q7YxE?si=nqlNgue-PrxgQ2dS,133,comrade_kathrin,2024-01-05 20:10:58 Feminism,18zm6hj,what some people may consider a 'pick me' might as well be the result of societal gender stereotypes,"first i'd like to clear up that i am a girl, and i have suffered my own ""pick me"" phase. i've often seen the woman stereotype called a ""pick me girl"", and i know women like that actually exist, but if you look at it from another way, maybe the ""i'm not like other girls!"" community was derived from the way society has represented women as feminine conglomerations of makeup, fashion and short skirts. maybe these 'pick me women' would like to be seen as more than makeup and feminine stereotypes- to be able to express themselves and indulge in masculine content. maybe, instead of being associated with pink- a color that has been stereotyped to represent femininity, they would like to be characterized by their own personalities instead of the gender stereotypes they are forced to endure throughout history. i am in no way saying that any cisgender woman would like less to be a woman than to be a man, nor am i saying that these women don't enjoy 'womanhood' as we call it, i am just trying to say that these specific pick me women as society may call them, would just like to be seen as unique instead of enduring that one male catchphrase ""all girls are the same!"" or the strange and unreasonable ""pink is for girls, blue is for boys!"" stereotype. i apologize if this may not make any sense, i did not read through it before attempting to post. edit: i feel like a lot of people are misunderstanding me. did nobody read the part that said “i know actual pick me women who genuinely like to put other women down to make themselves feel better exist”? i am not talking about those girls. i am talking about the other women, like myself and a few others i have known, who were called ”pick mes” for simply expressing themselves.",,61,Minute-Ad-3733,2024-01-06 00:18:13 Feminism,18zm8h8,What happened to Naomi Wolf,"What is up with Naomi Wolf, her old interviews quite sensible when did she change her stance. Can someone explain the nuances of her changing stances, support of conspiracy theories etc.",,15,thesumitkataria,2024-01-06 00:20:27 Feminism,18za06s,Feminist reading recommendations,"Hi, are there any feminist texts or books that you would recommend or that really impacted you. History, theories anything is fine. I want to read more, especially involving POC perspectives.Thanks♡",,48,Big-Department3429,2024-01-05 15:51:38 Feminism,18zq8hy,Book recommendations?,"Does anyone have any book or academic article recommendations about sexism in the lesbian community? I'm a latebloomer (came out when I was older), and I am struggling. I spent my adult life dealing with misogyny from men... and surprisingly to me, I'm experiencing it worse from some women now. Need some insights/advice on how to deal with it. If your curious what I'm talking about- this one article I found gives a great overview of what it is like to be on the receiving end of misogyny in a lesbian relationship: [https://www.autostraddle.com/butch-please-butch-with-a-side-of-misogyny-174442/](https://www.autostraddle.com/butch-please-butch-with-a-side-of-misogyny-174442/)",,3,LDSthrowaway2014,2024-01-06 03:27:34 Feminism,18zi917,A great video about why Rey's arc is great and the heroine's journey as a whole,,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9DedBXeGTfg,5,ClaireDacloush,2024-01-05 21:33:32 Feminism,18yu4l8,"Is it implicit sexism for men to view periods as ""gross""?","While some guys view menstruation as taboo, which is the reason they think this normal process is repulsive, I've noticed that many men unknowingly have this belief. I believe there is underlying prejudice behind the notion that menstruation should make males uncomfortable. Many males refuse to understand this natural process they do not want to talk about is due to root in sexism. I don’t think it’s right that men are even allowed to have a negative opinion on periods, but that might just be me. Thoughts?",,170,peenapon,2024-01-05 01:23:34 Feminism,18yk6nt,Preteens using anti-aging products makes me feel so depressed for the next generation,"I get that brands like Drunk Elephant are all over tiktok but these poor girls have been conditioned to believe that aging is a bad thing. Plus, the whole thing about not using straws because they give you lines. Really just feeds into the idea that women have an expiration date and aren’t pretty past this. I feel so sad when I think about it",,458,komaedacat,2024-01-04 18:32:52 Feminism,18yubtm,"If you are questioning, just cut your hair","I hate the way society treats women and their hair. So many women have long hair just because of the pressures of others. The way hair pills, prescriptions, and even extentions are pushed on women is just sad. You are not your hair! I am a big alternative women that recently started cutting my hair short (spiked on top, buzzed sides) and its been eye opening. I realized that people who don't like or judge you are going to regardless of your hair, face, weight, so on. It has been freeing not giving a flip what people think of me because I genuinely don't care. I look like a queer feminist (I am so its not an insult) and I embrace it. Luckly my 17 year old has never felt the pressure to keep their hair long because I never put that on them. You are worth so much more than what you look like. If you are debating on cutting your hair do it! Live for yourself and not the label society put on you.",,107,AnxiousReputation247,2024-01-05 01:32:44 Feminism,18yj87h,Political for existing.,I hate being political just because I am a woman. Every female character every instance of female empowerment is somehow political. I hate it. Anyone else who does rant here.,,376,[deleted],2024-01-04 17:54:16 Feminism,18yzhgq,Women Are Lied To About Their Implants - Candice Barley,,https://youtube.com/shorts/j0gSN1ufW-Y?si=wCJ3JhmkiehYF7AT,24,stretchedglassed,2024-01-05 05:50:44 Feminism,18z1oa2,Making feminist friends from Sweden,"In short, I'll be relocating to Sweden after this gig in NYC, so I'd really love to get a true glimpse of what feminism looks like there, especially from natives. I've been there to visit several times but it's hard to gauge much from week-long trips. If anyone on here is from Sweden or living there would like to be Internet buds, give me a shout-out. I'm LGBTQIA+, and have a wide range of Dark Academia-esque hobbies and interests. Down for talking about most things outside of the wretched state of politics, dating men, and when I plan on procreating.",,15,AcanthaceaeFancy3887,2024-01-05 08:04:12 Feminism,18ykhf3,"Shelley Duvall's Traumatic Experience, and Psychological Abuse Staring in ""The Shining"".",,https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=tdf13FM1ueU&pp=ygUqc2hlbGxleSBkdXZhbGwgc3RhbmxleSBrdWJyaWNrJ3MgdHJlYXRtZW50,24,Dry_Possible_6888,2024-01-04 18:44:56 Feminism,18y9nq2,Facebook Reels are objectifying women and we should have the option to turn them off,"I'm not sure if this is the case for everyone, maybe it's what I see because I'm a man, but Reels on Facebook are sexually suggestive and objectifying women. It ranges from the mild, like a woman bouncing while wearing something that shows a lot of cleavage, to women having pretending or even having sex on camera, but hiding most of the nudity. I don't generally interact with them, other than clicking on one once in a blue moon. I've never clicked like on one of them, in fact I tried for while to click ""Show less"", but it doesn't work. I only use Facebook to keep in touch with friends and family. I don't subscribe to any adult content or anything like that. And there seems to be no way to get rid of Reels from my feed, just hide them temporarily. I've written Facebook to complain about it and sent a bunch of screenshots. I don't have a problem if other people enjoy the content. I imagine it's difficult when you get down to it to stop this, because it's quite subjective. But at the very least I should have the option not to see it. Either let me hide Reels from my feed completely, or give me some kind of option to say I don't like this kind of content, keep it off my screen. I've written here to raise awareness about this and see if it's common or maybe I'm an outlier. Also, I want to encourage people to complain about this to Facebook. I'm not posting the screenshots I took but I can provide them if needed. Edit: Issue is fixed. It looks like the reels algorithm is very sensitive to the reels you click on. I spent some time clicking on anything else that showed up and that fixed it. I think what happened was that some time ago I decided I didn't want to see any sexually suggestive content. So I would click on the reel and click on ""see less of this"" thinking that it would help. Seems it did the opposite. ",,103,Space-cowboy-06,2024-01-04 10:04:24 Feminism,18y48z7,How can I stop this same pattern?,"I'm repeating this same pattern: I start relationships with people. They have parts I like and dislike. What I hate the most is that they are not serious about sexual abuse, etc. I am desperately careful about choosing who I date with, and they are the ""best"". It makes me feel disgusted, hurt, pain, and anger. I tell them about this, and they apologize and become careful. But it's not enough, and I still feel pain and anger. I tell them again, and they get hurt, exhausted, angry with me, give up on me, and say ""I did my best but it wasn't enough for you"" ""I don't have energy to be with you"" ""I want to focus on myself"" ""I was irresponsible to be with you"" ""The best solution is not seeing each other"". I feel devastated and leave them. How can I stop this same pattern?",,46,jntnkm,2024-01-04 04:30:04 Feminism,18xi7k1,"China Is Pressing Women to Have More Babies. Many Are Saying No. - The population, now around 1.4 billion, is likely to drop to around half a billion by 2100—and women are being blamed",,https://www.wsj.com/articles/china-population-births-decline-womens-rights-5af9937b,791,pocahontas_daughter,2024-01-03 12:24:43 Feminism,18xc1yx,"SUCCESS STORY! About defending my space, and another guy had my back! Best feeling ever!"," After years of kicking myself for holding back when I should have let it rip, I have basically resolved to start just saying my knee-jerk response whenever a man gets on my nerves. (Usually it's a personal space issue or a mansplaining issue. Hate that!) Today at the gym I had an opportunity, when I was getting my things out of the co-ed lockers (they have little cubbies so you don't have to buy a lock, out in the lobby area.) Instead of just waiting a few more seconds til I was done, this guy (in his 60s -- I'm 40s) crams himself within an inch of me to get to his locker, catty corner below mine. I just went with the knee jerk: Me: If you'll give me a second I'll be out of your way. (His FIRST opportunity to get out of my space) Him, without stepping back: Well I was starting to wonder when you would! (Irritated he had to wait 5 seconds to get to his locker) Me: If you'll ASK, I'll make room for you, but don't get right in my space like that. Him, waving his hands around, blustering on about not being in my space) Me: (DONE with this guy): STEP BACK AND GET YOUR HANDS OUT OF MY SPACE! THIS IS ON CAMERA! YOU'RE A GROWN MAN, YOU CAN TAKE FEEDBACK BETTER THAN THAT! I'M REPORTING YOU TO THE FRONT DESK IN CASE YOU MESS WITH ME AGAIN! So I reported him and asked the guy working to document it. As I was leaving, I heard the old guy's sob story, that the encounter was ""bizarre "" I gave him the stink eye but assumed the guy working believed him. So I called later to make sure he'd actually documented it . Here's what he said: ""Yes, I documented it. I put a note in his account that this happened and told him we have a policy that if someone says you're in their personal space, to just step back."" I couldn't believe it. I was fully expecting to have to file a report on the guy working, too, for dismissing it. Instead I kind of gushed to the guy: ""This is AWESOME! It means a lot to have a man agree it's a problem and actually say something. I have a lot of respect for you!"" He said no problem and it ended on a good note.",,248,No_Celery9390,2024-01-03 05:56:15 Feminism,18xq217,Marvel's 'Echo' star Alaqua Cox on motherhood and deaf representation in the MCU. (The trailer actually looked good and I liked the grittiness. I hope they really explore her Indigenous history in the show).,,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmtt_uf4VFQ,23,ScaredSilly12,2024-01-03 18:24:59 Feminism,18x36jj,"Open letter to UN Women and its partners: ""Your silence is unforgivable.""",,https://www.metoo-unlessurajew.com/copy-of-privacy-policy?fbclid=PAAabkwdHakIxCGkjy7HfJLh9A1N4FRuLCkwDu3bftXx6V-ace6IlmlxWMzqI,134,tristessellate,2024-01-02 22:59:46 Feminism,18wnt0m,"Not all men, but all women","(I don't know how well I'm going to get my point across but I'll try) Every feminist discussion regarding male violence against women and girls is flooded with variations of this sentiment. The main fear of the ""not all men"" demographic is that every man would be punished for the deeds of a few, right? Some of them even assert that they are already being punished. That they are afraid to talk to women or work with them. But women have always been punished for the violence that men enact against us. Collectively. Here are two events that have happened in the past month: [A state in India proposed to ban late-evening coaching classes. The ban applied specifically to female students](https://scroll.in/latest/1059678/wrong-at-many-levels-social-media-users-decry-up-ban-on-late-evening-coaching-for-women) It was revoked after criticism, thankfully. [Taliban puts abused women in jail to ""protect"" them](https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-67724424) These are particularly egregious examples but how removed is this mindset from the rest of the world? These legal measures are directed specifically at women when it was far more logical to apply them to men. When ""metoo"" gained popularity: - 21% of men said they would be reluctant to hire women for a job that would require close interaction (such as business travel) and - 19% of men said they would be reluctant to hire an attractive woman. [The Guardian](https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/aug/29/men-women-workplace-study-harassment-harvard-metoo) (BTW: Taking this into account, doesn't ""we are afraid to talk to women or work with them"" come off as a threat?) Once we realised that women face sexual harassment and abuse, the response was to punish *them*. To restrict their careers. I know I'm not saying anything new. Imagine curfews aimed only at men (or stricter for men). Men being slut shamed for drinking, partying with the opposite gender or for the way they dress. Imagine a country where men are the ones who are not allowed to work outside the home or go out without a female chaperone. But it's the other way around. Rules are always made for women to ""protect"" them. Every woman's career, social life and freedom in general is compromised. **Women are collectively punished for the deeds of men.** No law specifically targets men, like in the two articles I've shared above. No institutes are openly threatening to not hire men in response to a social movement. So do the notallmen men think this is fair? Are they speaking out against this? Notallwomen too, right?",,737,identitty_theft,2024-01-02 11:59:58 Feminism,18wwxxc,How to defend women against sexist “jokes”?,"Unfortunately I am going to college in a very conservative and sexist environment that I have no control over. My friends and classmates are constantly making sexist comments such as “it’s a woman’s duty to make babies” or “girls are too much drama”. As a feminist I try to call out these remarks, telling them it's sexist and not true. However, my friends always get super defensive and say I'm overreacting. They tell me ""it's just a joke, get over it"" and I end up looking overly sensitive and stupid. I also feel guilty whenever they tell me it was just a joke and that I shouldn’t take it too seriously. How should I go about this? Edit: forgot to mention, I am a girl and most of my friends that are saying this are girls as well",,197,sirikim8,2024-01-02 18:50:59 Feminism,18wvf1w,Orlando 1928 by Virginia Woolf is now in the public domain,,https://i.redd.it/r3gtkxqad2ac1.jpeg,39,NoxEgoqueSoli,2024-01-02 17:50:25 Feminism,18whump,"""Please guys… Don’t be like him."" - it is horrifying that the mods of the GTA6_NEW sub have to beg the community to avoid this kind of behavior just WTF",,https://i.redd.it/zv7bpw08uw9c1.jpeg,302,Arivanya,2024-01-02 05:40:00 Feminism,18wr49a,"I'm tired of people assuming abused women stay for psychological reasons. In my experience and observation, it's almost always a matter of resources.","Every time I was in an abusive relationship, I would have left immediately if I had had somewhere safe and adequate to go, and I suspect it was the same for virtually every abused woman I've known. Sure, when someone asks why they stay or came back, they'll give reasons like ""Well he (said he) changed"" or ""It wasn't really that bad"", and people will interpret that to mean that she thinks she deserves it/ feels ""unworthy"", etc., but I really suspect they say that because the real (or more important) reasons would make other people uncomfortable and start arguments. Reasons like ""sleeping in my car was messing up my back"", ""I missed being able to sit down and read sometimes"" ""I'm just so uncomfortable couch-surfing at friends/relatives' places"", or ""The only housing I can afford is a room in a boarding house"". It also aggravates me that the dominant cultural consensus seems to be ""Abuse is bad... therefore victims should just walk out with nothing and make themselves homeless if necessary, in order to escape it!"". I would have hoped there would be something in there about holding abusers accountable, but that would involve risk and discomfort to someone else than the victim, so it's just never considered. People seem to love those othering, black-and-white notions when it comes to women's issues. There! Abuse is bad, but let's pretend men's actions are completely unaffected by circumstances and that you can't make them stop abusing any more than you can shoo away a tornado, so the woman has to leave on the spot, no matter the downsides to her! Fixed it! In reality, abusers are easy to stop if you've got leverage. An abuser will never start hitting his wife in front of a cop whom he suspects might arrest him, and he'll never go into a screaming fit in front of his boss if he thinks the boss would disapprove. As mentioned in Why does he do that - and, btw, you should read it, everyone should read it, that book saves lives - abuse is a strategic decision by abusers, to get whatever they want, and the moment it's not working anymore or they might get consequences for it, they'll stop. My observations agree with this completely; the moment there's a risk of being held accountable, most abusers will do a 180. The problem, of course, is that their victim doesn't have leverage, if they did they wouldn't get abused. The police, the courts, authority figures have leverage, and the problem there is a lack of willingness to act, not a lack of capacity. And abuse victims, just like everyone else, have to make decisions based on the options available to them. What's worse, between living with a man who screams at you once or twice a week and maybe throws something at you sometimes and punches you if you talk back, or moving in with parents who want to control your every movement and shame you constantly? What's worse, being low-key scared of your husband all the time and really scared of him a few times a month, or living out of a backpack and sleeping on a friend's couch, having no privacy and missing your dog? What will mess you up more, getting shoved/hit sometimes, but you can probably avoid most of it if you keep your head down and say what he wants to hear, or living out of your car in the winter? It's also unrealistic to expect women to ""just walk"" at the first sign of abuse, when you know that for a lot of women from poorer/""underpriviledged"" background, there might just not be such a thing as a non-abusive housing situation available to them. If we, as a society, want to stop domestic abuse, what we need to do is provide alternatives. Women's shelters and organizations that provide them are ridiculously, criminally underfunded. Last I heard, there might be one spot open for several dozens of women who need it, and waiting lists that women stay on for years. On top of it, mileage may vary here, but I've talked to women who told me that the shelter didn't allow children in. I think it might be a legal/safety thing, but still, who here thinks that asking a woman to leave a violent man *while leaving her children with him* is a reasonable proposition? TL;DR: I don't think that women stay in abusive relationships out of a ""lack of self-worth"" nearly as often as they stay out of a lack of adequate housing and necessary resources. If we want to stop abuse, we should fund DV shelters specifically and ensure availability of the necessities of life in general. ",,6,askmeabouttheforest,2024-01-02 14:48:55 Feminism,18wbc33,"I follow Lexi Alexander (Director Punisher War Zone) on X and found this old interview of hers. She talks about the Hollywood struggle as a female director. Great interview. It feels like Hollywood has blacklisted her from making movies, I wish she gets the opportunity to make more movies.",,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifYhVFyrbGQ,21,ScaredSilly12,2024-01-02 00:22:16 Feminism,18w0kuv,Anxiety going through a friends comment section,"Hi everyone, this is a bit of a niche post but I'm not sure where else to put it because it will deal with topics like sexualisation and objectification. Recently my friend blew up on social media and became super viral. Our friend group has been solid for over a year and the moment we met her we just knew she would be famous. She just had that kind of influencer/model look to her. We are all extremely proud of her and we are all glad that she is so well liked by the public. I don't want to make her fame seem like a bad thing so I never brought this up with her extensively, whenever I open her comment sections there are just wildly vulgar and sexual comments made about her as well as men forming parasocial relationships with her and getting aggressive and accusing her of ""leading them on"" when all she did was post her videos. Her videos have reached Reddit as well and of course, the comments are just as disgusting. There are edits made of her on TikTok collected from her videos which are clearly made to fetishize her. Of course, as a woman this has made me extremely uncomfortable and whenever I open her comment sections I just feel my heart drop and fill with dread. I have brought this up with my boyfriend, and cried about it as well. He has also expressed how uncomfortable he felt seeing those comments about her. My questions are, is it normal to feel this deeply and sensitively about seeing these comments made about her? Also, does anybody have any similar experiences and how they have managed to cope with these feelings?",,61,Tlsdml,2024-01-01 16:43:44 Feminism,18vq9nv,Does anyone else get nauseated and disgusted by sexism?,My entire life I have been nauseated and repulsed by sexism. I honestly think I have a form of PTSD from it. I think it's because I don't believe any of it to be true whatsoever. Tbh I feel like life is so nuanced and complex. I just don't think a lot of sexist opinions are objectively true and I feel like they are people just giving their bullshit opinions and that gender stereotypes hold women back and prevent them from accomplishing greatness. ,,325,[deleted],2024-01-01 05:55:25 Feminism,18vu9vx,Would real feminist date a guy despite knowing he punched woman before?,"Hello everyone, First, I apologize for stupid question, but I just got in an argument with my friend who consider herself a feminist. Here is what's happened, she met guy online that is literally Andrew Tate's fanboy and during one conversation he said he hit woman in past because she was arguing with his pregnant sister, but he didn't stood in front of them, but instead he instantly hit that woman straight with fist in mouth making her lips bleed. He justified that by saying it was his ""instinctive reaction"" and that he had to protect his sister. However, that guy is 7ft tall jacked up lumberjack and I'm pretty sure he could prevent that arguing ib basically any other way and not by punching her with fist in mouth. And he also said he ""used only 5% of his strength"" as bonus justification. My friend said she's judging that A LOT and she agrees that he could and should have stopped her by simply standing between her and not punching her til bleeding momentarily. She also said he's got that Andrew Tate mentality and ""alpha male"" personality that Tate calls ""real man"". That was all two days ago and today she told me he called her drunk and told her small details about her like her eye color and her favorite nickname and that he's not interested in other girls, but only her. Since she's been treated bad her whole life and she's didn't get used to real relationships and had only two BF before and they both abused her (one of them hit her and justify it as ""ups it was mistake""). After he told her that she said she simply melted by his words and she fell for him badly. After I said I can't believe she felt for a guy that recently punched woman and that I don't think she'll be happy in another relationship that will most likely end up getting her abused in at least some way and after I said ""how can she call herself feminist while going in relationship with a guy who physically assaulted another woman?"" she got very offended. Could you please tell me do you think she's a real feminist if she's going into relationship with guy knowing he assaulted another woman or am I really that dumb by saying to her she'll end up abused and hurted yet again? Should I just let her do whatever she wants despite knowing it's very bad for her and simply mind my own business knowing she'll get hurt again?",,82,PetarRPD,2024-01-01 10:40:30 Feminism,18vpv4e,I'm Confused! How Is Poor Things A Feminist Movie?,"At least that's what I think I read somewhere, & I just walked out of it, and at is mainly about a woman who is not that smart being taken advantage of sexually by men. It's basically Porn, and as a Pornsick person in recovery I had to leave because I fear a relapse.",,142,JobsLoveMoney-NotYou,2024-01-01 05:28:27 Feminism,18vuxxv,"Toxic Masculinity, Femicide, and the Cowardly Abuser",,https://thethreepennyguignol.com/2021/05/01/toxic-masculinity-femicide-and-the-cowardly-abuser/,46,cutpriceguignol,2024-01-01 11:28:58 Feminism,18wa7iq,Radfem book club on twitter (come read dworkin with us),"hello and happy new year! if you have twitter and would like to join, we're currently reading 'Right-Wing Women' by Andrea Dworkin. You can request to join the group ""Radical Feminist Book Club"" in the Communities section. PDF files and audio are available on the pinned post so no need to buy anything, just come read and discuss with us if you'd like. <3 ",,5,Thin_Pineapple_7753,2024-01-01 23:33:03 Feminism,18vbmkx,Scary how men justify their disgusting behavior and don’t care about hurting their daughters.,"I had a short conversation with a man who confessed to cheating. He “took the blame” but was not actually sorry. He has a daughter. I told him how much a cheating father hurts his daughter. Damages her trust in men. He said “All men are lustful and unfaithful. Get used to it. If you don’t want a man to cheat make him happy at home”. Not those exact words, but this exact meaning. I hope he is not going to tell his daughter crap like, “Dear, all men cheat so don’t break up with your bf/husband when he cheats on you. Be more pleasing at home so he cheats less.” Seriously I wonder if fathers really say this crap to their daughters. Always blaming the woman. Always making excuses. Never trying to control themselves. And sadly, not giving a damn about hurting their daughters. I’m very discouraged so many men think like this. Yes! it is possible to be faithful. Just because you are too weak to control yourself does not mean all women have to tolerate cheating. Anyway, just wanting to vent somewhere… Edit: Yes you are free to respond, but If you are going to attempt to justify cheating and/or tell kids it is “None of your business”, you are TRASH. ",,745,Autumn_Forest_Mist,2023-12-31 16:44:56 Feminism,18viivl,Men are so strange to me,"//tw potential violent unsettling content involving person attacked by animal So I'm casually scrolling on twitter and hating it right, bc twitter is an awful place (don't download this godforsaken app) and I see this [video](https://twitter.com/FAFO_TV/status/1741232703649825130?t=2bNE5sjW9oB6TGbe1aMM-w&s=19) that depicts a woman getting attacked by a bull. The video stands out bc she was leaning on a wall on her phone as the bull ran past but the bull turned around, ignoring the people it had been chasing to target her specifically. So I go to the replies and they just completely baffle me. There's men in the comments with loads of likes who somehow believe the woman is at fault because of her ""I don't care attitude""???? Like seriously the amount of projection and assumption going on is insane. They assume the woman who got attacked was some brat who stays on her phone too much and got what she deserved by just standing there. (Let's not mention that the person recording the video is also just standing there) Idk, it's just the way misogyny manifests in some men is so strange and incoherent to me. A bunch a men trap and use a wild animal for sport, the animal attacks a woman because its angry and confused...and the woman is the one at fault. Astounding. Rant over.",,202,RadcliffeMalice,2023-12-31 22:16:27 Feminism,18wbvbu,What's the line between chivalry and being too invasive? How do i even know what's too much lol.,"I sometimes go clubbing and I am often in groups of mostly women. My parents taught me well (I hope) so whenever I am out with female friends I tend to make sure naturally that they all come home safe, but I don't know whether im too invasive. Last time i went clubbing it was like 7-8 women and 4 of me and my bois. As it was very crowded that night, when i noticed that there was a danger of some tall guy being pushed and hitting his back or shoulder on some of my women friends i tried to put my hand between their head and the guy's shoulder. Or when someone was pushing people to go through i tried to open for them a ""hallway"" putting my arm between them and my friends. These are just some examples, but is that too invasive? I tend to be the father figure even if we just go out drinking and i personally feel like it's a quality of mine, but i dont know whether it could be not appreciated by women or just leave a feeling of unwanted attention like. (If you just want to reply ""women are independent they dont need you to make sure they are safe!!!"" just don't focus on this post lmao) ",,0,Ciao_-_belli,2024-01-02 00:45:37 Feminism,18vi7dd,One In Five Underage Girls Forced Into Marriage In India: Lancet,,https://www.forbes.com/sites/anuradhavaranasi/2023/12/31/one-in-five-underage-girls-forced-into-marriage-in-india-lancet/?sh=96395725c25b,94,katespadesaturday,2023-12-31 22:00:08 Feminism,18vj1fq,Travel alone. It’s fun,"I started going to different cities as a lone woman earlier this year. I feel like there’s a lot of stigma against it in society and I know it isn’t always “safe” depending on the area, but it has been such a good experience for me. I just wanted to let others know that if you don’t have someone else who wants to go do [thing] with you, you can still go alone and have a great time. I ran into a man yesterday while I was traveling who also happened to be alone. We started talking but he also made me uncomfortable and commented about my appearance which really bothered me. Then he suggested that we hang out, which I politely declined. I would much rather be alone than be with someone who is going to make things worse for me. I guess what I’m trying to say is you’re allowed to do whatever you want to do.",,75,NotASuggestedUsrname,2023-12-31 22:42:43 Feminism,18vlu5v,new feminist book club (meets online),"Hey! I just started a new feminist book club (meets online) and thought it would be a good idea to post it here! [https://bookclubs.com/join-a-book-club/club/feminist-reads](https://bookclubs.com/join-a-book-club/club/feminist-reads) Here's a little description Feminist Reads, exclusively delving into non-fiction, gathers every 15th of the month to explore impactful works that shape our understanding of feminism. Our focus ranges from historical analyses and biographies to essays and contemporary studies. We foster an environment of respect and openness, welcoming diverse viewpoints. Each session begins with a structured discussion, followed by open conversation. Our book selections are announced in advance, giving members ample time to read and prepare. Join us in a journey through the compelling world of feminist non-fiction!",,40,Major-Incident-39,2024-01-01 01:15:58 Feminism,18v6s2g,Full interview with Mia Schem,"Not many go through what she went through, and live to tell the story.",https://youtu.be/y02xPRX6vCE?si=5wozt71_N4MZRrUG,128,kaicyr21,2023-12-31 12:27:31 Feminism,18v346m,How many daughters does a man need to see date rape jokes as a sackable offence?,,https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/dec/31/rishi-sunak-how-many-daughters-before-take-date-rape-jokes-seriously,104,BurtonDesque,2023-12-31 08:13:55 Feminism,18uxfzq,How patriarchy presented itself in the 90’s,"I recently came across writings I made during the 90’s in a time in my life when the man I thought I was going to marry chose someone else….I was 17. I was so heartbroken. I really honestly believed a guy was going to fall in love with me and me with him, and we were going to have children and grandchildren and grow old together, and it would be magical and majestic. In a way, this thinking was patriarchy’s way of making women want to be married off and have children, right? Yet, the guys were generally just taking advantage of the situation and staying permanently single. I feel like later, when women realized they had been duped, and their knight in shining armor wasn’t coming because they were 51% of the population, and most guys weren’t “knight” material, they started filling in their own blank spaces when they realized it was a lie. Now the men are angry….but deep down what they have with women is really what they always wanted, right? Someone they could love without all the burdens of patriarchy? What is it about female independence that they hate? Are they really that mad about not being adored for something they’re not?",,146,Natural-Word-6456,2023-12-31 02:51:59 Feminism,18unt7j,Misogynist have nothing to lose by arguing with you,"I got into an argument yesterday with a misogynist and in the middle of it, I realized how pointless it was. They have nothing to lose. At best, the misogynist gets superiority (a positive for him) or at worst equality (a neutral). While the women at best gets equality (a neutral) or at worst inferiority (a negative). The misogynist has everything to gain, while we have everything to lose. The stakes are so much higher for us. They are not the ones being forced to defend their humanity. There is no threat to them and they will ultimately enjoy their rights in every scenario. This is why I hate having these “debates.” They feel so degrading.",,476,nile32,2023-12-30 19:41:50 Feminism,18uu0lx,Genuinely tired of TERFS,"There been discourse on Twitter, with something along the lines of transwomen talking about misogyny they face and how at times can be considered validating when it comes to their gender-identity. The transwomen I've seen tweet this are tweeting it because it is how they *feel*, NOT because they are trying to start a war in their replies. I am seeing SO many TERFS use this as fuel for their rampant transphobia, and it makes me feel sick. I'm not very good with words so I hope this makes sense: have TERFS not considered the fact that the misogyny transwomen face might be considered validating to them because they are.. wait for it, women? I feel like this is an issue that not only trans womens may face, but cis women as well. As a cis woman, I've had so much trouble in the past with wanting validation from men even if it meant them looking at me like a sex toy, even if it meant them cat-calling me on the street. So, I guess what I'm saying is why do they have to point out and pick on transwomen for this when cis women are just as capable of thinking this way too? Like I said, I know I have. It's just really frustrating as well, because I've started to read Andrew Dworkin and I am interested in RadFem - I'm just not interested with the transphobia that comes with it. I hope I'm making sense, but I guess I'm just trying to say that is that: trans women issues are women issues period - just because they are trans does not make it any less of a female issue if they were cis. Like, idk we are all in this together in my eyes. We are all women. I just don't understand how any feminist can read what transwomen go through and either not relate to it to some capacity or understand it. I hope this makes sense, if any of this doesn't - let me know. ",,160,nessaiguess,2023-12-31 00:10:53 Feminism,18v35s9,Vinesh Phogat: Top Indian wrestler returns medals over alleged sexual abuse,,https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-india-67851193,33,BurtonDesque,2023-12-31 08:16:59 Feminism,18uo9n1,What can I do when the government stands with INCELs,"I’m a Chinese college student, and I used chatGPT to correct my post, so it might look a bit stiff. In my country, there are numerous instances of speeches and actions that express hostility towards women, too many to list. What’s particularly distressing for me is that the government supports these actions. They apprehend feminist activists, block influential feminist figures, and publish articles claiming, “Extreme feminism has become a cancer on the Internet,” insinuating that feminists are spies working for Western governments, especially America🙃. Coming out as a feminist is risky for us. Men harass and humiliate women they dislike (for being feminists, dating foreigners, or dyeing their hair, etc.) on the internet, while the official media declares feminism harmful speech! 😡 In the real world, Many Chinese universities lower admission scores for male students.And both the government and enterprises either limit recruitment to men only or prioritize men. We once thought that these discriminatory behaviors would gradually disappear with economic development, but the result is that they have intensified. At the same time, due to slowing economic growth, violence against women has also increased. I was so disappointed that I circumvented the Great Firewall to find some anti-government online communities, only to discover communities where were similarly misogynistic. I’m feeling exhausted, and I wonder if there are any sisters in other countries facing the same situation. Maybe we can hug each other and find some ways out? I now understand “As a woman, I have no country.” ( Btw the last time I posted it, a man replied me proudly: I just know all your feminists are traitor! Evidence!",,315,To_thelighthouse,2023-12-30 20:01:34 Feminism,18urqnj,Books on feminine rage? But like what it is and where it comes from? Not fiction about releasing that rage,"So I'm trying to better understand female (feminine? I don't know which is correct) rage but most books seem to be fiction and about women releasing their rage, not what it is or why so many women have this feeling",,52,CockHero45,2023-12-30 22:31:51 Feminism,18uqy43,"Colombian singer Catalina García gives an impassioned plea for women's rights and sings the feminist anthem ""Mi Libertad""",,https://youtube.com/watch?v=3r4YNET7VVw&si=rpaGrbY87sMmMzID,41,Tim_Bracken,2023-12-30 21:58:42 Feminism,18ubtk8,"How, if at all, has studying feminism impacted your relationship with men?","Hey there! I've been thinking about getting a major or a minor in gender, sexuality and women’s studies and I'm really curious about how it could impact my daily life. I'm wondering if it could help me with decentering men, or maybe even change what I look for in relationships with men. Do you think it could help me pick up on red flags? I'm interested to hear about other people's experiences.",,62,Estellar123,2023-12-30 09:22:30 Feminism,18tv5yj,"I’ve spent a decade studying gender and I can tell you: as a woman, ageing sets you free",,https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/dec/29/gender-woman-ageing-free-female-power?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_Other,301,mhicreachtain,2023-12-29 19:27:26 Feminism,18u5zt8,Pros and cons of dating/marriage?,"Hello everyone, I'm in my late 20s and have finally finished my education/started my career. At this point in my life, many of my friends are seriously dating, and discussions of marriage and engagement have started. I'm currently single and wondering if a relationship with a man is worth pursuing as a cisgender, demisexual woman. So, I'm making a list of pros and cons... but can't seem to find any pros! Can someone please help me come up with some? For the record, I am not a sex-repulsed ace, but see no point in intercourse because no man has ever gotten me to finish. I make enough money to be happy and don't want children. What is the point of being with a man besides not being lonely?",,55,ScienceIsMagic25,2023-12-30 03:42:10 Feminism,18tqhpx,"Stuff I see all over social media, threads, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, etc",,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/18tqhpx,377,[deleted],2023-12-29 16:05:18 Feminism,18tm0k9,Why do so many people online make the assumption that men are the sole breadwinners in most families?,"This is probably just the algorithm on Instagram trying to rile me up, but I've seen a lot of comments from men recently on women's posts saying something along the lines of ""but men pay for everything so..."" &#x200B; Like for example, this morning I saw a video a woman posted urging men to help their wives, mothers, grandmothers, aunts, etc these holidays as women are often made to do a lot of extra work this time of year. The top comment was a man saying ""But who's paying for all the food and gifts?"" &#x200B; While I definitely understand that women are more often stay-at-home parents and men typically make more money, are most households in Western society not dual income?? The most common family structure in most Western countries have both women and men working, why is a typical counter argument of anti-feminists entirely based on the assumption that men provide for the family financially and women just stay at home? &#x200B; I have nothing against this sort of family structure, it's just really been bothering me lately that so many anti-feminists have this completely archaic view of familial roles which they ascribe baselessly to any random woman they come across on social media.",,314,SeaCrayfish,2023-12-29 12:25:47 Feminism,18tpbi4,Differences between the upbringing of men and women,"I wanted to raise this topic because, undoubtedly, the way of upbringing largely influences the behavior of a given social group, and the values ​​instilled in them in childhood can significantly change their later perception of the world or influence various behaviors. Personally, I don't have many men in my immediate family. There is me, my sisters, my grandmother and my father. Theoretically, there are more women in the family, but my father still has the deciding vote in the vast majority of matters. I would like to raise an important issue here - I think that many women who grew up with brothers and fathers, who live with their husbands, could identify with it. Namely, what I'm talking about here is how much relief men are given when it comes to performing any role at home. Personally, I don't have brothers, but my friends who have them decided to share their experiences with me. It turned out that much of the responsibility - if not all - fell to the sisters. Age had nothing to do with it. The brother could be older, younger, the same age - the parents always put the greatest emphasis on the daughter, while the son had no responsibilities at all or had fewer of them. Example? Parents do not mind if their son does not keep his room tidy, neglects his studies, spends most of his time on entertainment and does not take care of his basic duties. However, if a daughter once neglects to do something - be it forgetting to clean her room, not making dinner for the family on a particular day, or not ironing her clothes - the parents are no longer as willing to forgive her and instead become angry with her or even blame her. then they punish. Most household responsibilities fall on female family members, regardless of age or experience. Men in the family are treated leniently and their transgressions are looked down upon. Currently, while preparing for Christmas Eve, I experienced a similar phenomenon that I experience almost every year. Every woman in my family prepares something for Christmas Eve. Setting the table, decorating the Christmas tree, wrapping gifts, cooking food, cleaning the house. Everyone is doing something. Everyone, except my father, who spends all this time in front of the TV and comes only when everything is ready - yet he still gets the title of host and head of the family. He was even willing to accuse us of doing nothing, even though he had the smallest contribution to the work. Although I used anecdotal examples here, I read women's statements on this topic on various websites and it seemed that many of them had similar experiences. Coming to the conclusion, it turns out that families usually have lower expectations of boys and treat them more favorably, accustoming them from childhood to being dependent and relying on women's work. I think this may be the reason why many adult men are looking for a wife who would replace their mother - who would cook for them, prepare breakfast for work, wash and iron their clothes. They were not accustomed to even minimal responsibility for their own lives, they were pampered and convinced that women would do everything for them. Women, however, are brought up in a completely different way - they are expected to be hard-working, many, often too many, responsibilities are placed on them, and young girls are forced to mature faster and take responsibility for their actions. Of course, the topic is more complicated and many factors influence what the majority of male society looks like. I only touched on one issue, just the tip of the iceberg. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. What is also important - I apologize for any language errors. English is not my native language.",,115,TheDeathCrow,2023-12-29 15:13:54 Feminism,18t8o1z,Men and the “as long as she’s 18” Bullshit.,"So we all know these same guys would “date” a 16 year old, 15 year old, and 14 year old if it was legal right? Okay cool. Why do these type of men think they are so slick when they say the “as long as she’s legal” crap? Like that doesn’t clearly show they are a predatory P.O.S? And WHY is it legal for 30, 40, 50, and 60 year old men to go after 18 year olds?? Hello eightTEEN year olds?",,569,[deleted],2023-12-29 00:01:20 Feminism,18t9lfd,"Why is care for women considered “simp” and loser behaviour and blatant misogyny is rewarded with comments like “based”, “Gigachad”, etc.?","In the last year or two, I’ve seen the uptick of blatantly misogynistic behaviour and memes on the net. When you even slightly care for the wellbeing of a woman, you are considered a “simp loser beta cuck” and get told to F off. But when people post negative behaviour towards women, like calling her slurs or blatantly crushing her feelings (or using sexually charged language to get closer to her when she does not consent to dirty talk), you get heralded as a Gigachad, a based person, someone “manly”, when this should be the loser behaviour. As a guy, why is blatant hatred of women so common nowadays??? We were supposed to be gentlemen, people who respect women, not stepping on them and considering them beneath us!",,493,[deleted],2023-12-29 00:43:33 Feminism,18t6j5u,Does anyone want to discuss this book? Currently reading.,It keeps me up at night. Not that I was unaware of the topics discussed. I was just digesting short articles intermittently. But digesting all of this insight at once is not easy.,https://i.redd.it/gw2raejp349c1.jpeg,710,RemarkableProblem737,2023-12-28 22:28:59 Feminism,18tuezb,Female Imagery,"does anyone know where i can read *Judy Chicago* and Miriam Schapiro, “*Female Imagery*,” Womanspace Journal (1973) ??",,5,sk8ingirl,2023-12-29 18:55:31 Feminism,18t8f7y,The Sexual Assault Of Women And Little Girls Happens Often. Why Is This Barely Talked About??,Why is stuff like this just brushed off?? Literally everytime I make a poll asking if a woman has been sexually assaulted most of them say yes. And don’t get me started on how often underage girls are harassed by grown ass men. Apparently that’s something little girls need to deal with because “men are attracted to youth and fertility”? That’s a direct quote from a man by the way. Screw that.,,162,[deleted],2023-12-28 23:50:42 Feminism,18t96d8,NYT report on sexual violence on Oct 7th,Two month report on sexual violence on the October 7th attacks.,https://www.nytimes.com/2023/12/28/world/middleeast/oct-7-attacks-hamas-israel-sexual-violence.html,104,Wombats_poo_cubes,2023-12-29 00:24:28 Feminism,18sqlzv,Wtf are these ads for Threads on Instagram?,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/18sqlzv,604,Adam_needs_a_haircut,2023-12-28 10:12:07 Feminism,18t0xdj,Agoraphobia-like behavior in regards to being a woman in public,"I guess I'll start by saying that yes, I'm in therapy, and this is going to be explored more in depth there. I'm also not self-diagnosing myself with agoraphobia, but it's the closest thing I have to compare to. I've honestly grown to resent being a woman ever since I hit puberty. I hated when my period came (like most people, I assume) and when it came for the first time I was so ashamed and freaked out I didn't tell anyone. I just used toilet paper and tissues and hoped it was enough. I layered bras and tank tops to reduce the size of my chest. It didn't help that, for my entire life, I was taught that being a girl/woman made me a target. ""Don't go out at night,"" I was told. ""Close your blinds so no one can see you. Be extra careful when you're out alone. Don't put stickers on your car that out you as a woman."" The same people that told me those things began to wonder why in the world their daughter didn't want to dress like woman. Why, when womanhood was constantly equated with weakness and vulnerability, I didn't want a part in it. As I've grown older I've grown to absolutely despise the fact that I'm a woman. It only got worse when, as I began to develop hobbies and go out in the world a lot more, I received unwanted attention from men just by doing normal things like going to the grocery store or being at the gym (and not that it should matter, but I was wearing baggy sweatpants and t-shirts). It all boiled my blood. Truthfully, I wanted to sock the guys that were being genuinely creepy. If I had the strength of a man I would've. I think this is where my hatred of my own body hit its peak. I'm gay, asexual, and want nothing to do with men, I present masculine anyway, I work out to have a masculine body, I'm saving up thousands of dollars to get rid of my breasts and uterus, so why the fuck couldn't I have just been born a man? It wouldn't be so political that way, either. My family would encourage it instead of my having to hide it. This is also where my already growing concern for safety and hyperawareness of my capabilities (or lack thereof) hit their peak. I stopped going out, vowing to put my life on hold until I became what I saw as less of a target. It's almost ironic because I had been taking martial arts classes (Muay Thai and BJJ) for a couple of years at that point, but it didn't matter. I was still a woman, and I was still a target. I could only find freedom in making myself stronger. I went from being pretty social and attending those classes religiously to not leaving my house but every once in a while for things I had to do, and every time I do I feel like some sort of prey animal, weak and helpless against the world. I'm stuck in this mindset of putting my life on hold until I feel strong enough to rip anyone who may attack me apart. I'm not allowed to live life until then. I've made a prison of my own home, all because I can't deal with being a woman. ",,103,Suspicious_Plant4231,2023-12-28 18:32:09 Feminism,18sxiow,Can we make 2024 the year that all feminists agree that sexual objectification is harmful?,"It plays a fundamental role in so many of the problems that not only women, but society as a whole, are facing. on edit, I'm taking the quote out and sharing my own interpretation. the world has never seen a truly whole and healthy society, beuse in the degradation of girls and women, half of society is hindered from reaching our full potential [https://youtu.be/714d18CS9k4?feature=shared](https://youtu.be/714d18cs9k4?feature=shared)",,133,victoriaisme2,2023-12-28 16:11:56 Feminism,18sp115,why are there almost no documentaries about misogyny??,"So as I search for meanigful documentaries to watch, I notice there are almost NONE on modern day misogyny that is running rampant in our society in every way in gov't, in film, in policy, in media, and online esp. I'm so sick of men telling us to ""get back in the kitchen , stay home and shut up"" just like the racists tell Black people to get back to Africa!! Like Africans immigrated here voluntarily and now that hard back breaking work is done to go home. I'm just as pissed, really wish I got into film making!! ALL i found was this which looks great and I can't wait to see only can't find where to stream it: [Backlash: Misogyny in the Digital Age | TRAILER (youtube.com)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=voEsn8BysG4&t=1s) ",,482,True-Godesss,2023-12-28 08:26:01 Feminism,18sinfc,Australia's epidemic of male violence against women,,https://i.redd.it/oadyq1ey2y8c1.jpeg,1202,Brookeofthenorth,2023-12-28 02:29:58 Feminism,18sz6ik,A number of new bookshops in Europe are giving voice to female authors.,"**‘Historical reparation’ :** Bookshops such as Greta Livraria in Lisbon, Mujeres & Compañia in Madrid, She Said in Berlin, and Rare Birds in Scotland are showcasing women’s writing past and present. https://www.theguardian.com/books/2023/dec/28/historical-reparation-new-bookshops-europe-give-voice-female-authors There used to be one in San Francisco that I loved. So happy to see a resurgence. &#x200B;",,26,nina-m0,2023-12-28 17:20:39 Feminism,18tbbxp,Equal distribution of labor video resources?,"Hi all, I’m a mental health clinician looking to provide some resources to a male client whom is struggling with understanding equal distribution of labor within a cis het relationship. They understand the terms emotional/physical/mental labor and can differentiate, but I’m having a hard time getting them involved in reading resources to better their framework due to their struggles with neurodivergent symptoms. Does anyone have any links or documentaries they can submit here that I can provide this client as resources? I’ve already had them watch Eve Rodsky’s Fair Play and advised they get the game to play with their partner, but was wondering if anyone can provide more informative videos or other docuseries, or even podcasts. Thank you in advance!",,5,Cessacolypse,2023-12-29 02:05:08 Feminism,18sssm3,Should teenage girls be told how to dress?,"I chose a provocative title on purpose. I am not a parent nor do I aspire to become one, but I have been thinking about what would be the best way to advise a teenage girl when it comes to dressing. On the one hand I think a young adult should be dressing however she likes, and shouldn’t be made to feel selfconscious if she likes dressing more revealing or sexy. On the other hand I see the unfortunate reality that girls and women are more likely to be sexualised, stared at, harassed, insulted, looked down on and generally treated worse when they dress more revealing. Also there seems to be a disgustingly high amount of old men (openly!) sexualising teenagers. I am basing this on my on experiences and what I have witnessed. Thus I am conflicted between wanting to instill in girls that they can and should do whatever they want, and wanting to protect them from inevitable consequences for choices the current world doesn’t deem to be appropriate, that young people might not be aware of. For the feminist parents of girls: how do you approach this? Have you spoken to your girls, and what was your message?",,49,tictize,2023-12-28 12:28:01 Feminism,18snpyl,(Mod approved) seeking research participants,"I’m a researcher based in Australia that is looking to speak with women who have regretted having children. At this stage I can only take participants that are based in Australia (or Australians living overseas). But happy to talk to anyone that is interested This is a masters project that is examining gender inequality in relation to motherhood regret. I have explanatory statements that outline further. If you are curious, send me a message.",,32,bertiebee,2023-12-28 07:01:32 Feminism,18s784g,How can I be a better ally to women as a man?,"Long story short I grew up in the conservative south, and while im no longer in those circles im still about as ignorant about feminism and womens issues as most men are. I want to be a better ally to women and to my partner so I wanted to ask this sub about its recommendations for introductory resources or just plain advice. Thanks! Edit: the support from this community has been absolutely amazing. I'll keep trying to thoughtfully respond to all the comments but but there's alot. Thanks for all the support yall!",,212,fatman243,2023-12-27 18:19:09 Feminism,18s9sb0,Thoughts on men using the word Feminist as an insult?,"Wow, I am so insulted you called me someone who wants equal rights and equal treatment for women. So many men think the word “feminist” is an insult to women now 🤦‍♀️",,126,[deleted],2023-12-27 20:06:34 Feminism,18rshv9,Why are women the ones pressured to get into a relationship when most MEN are single?,This is what the stats say. Most men are single and less happier than women when single. So why are we the ones being pushed so much to get into one?? Don’t most of us get cheated on anyways???,,451,[deleted],2023-12-27 05:07:16 Feminism,18rh9kq,Why does reddit seem to hate women so much?,"All I did was make a post saying ""I hate that a woman can't share any negative experience she's had with a man without men commenting ""not all men"" or ""women do it too"""" and of course I got a swarm of angry men saying my post is stupid/trying to justify that behavior/generally being assholes to me so I just deleted the post because I just didn't feel like dealing with that anymore. When it comes to sharing anything on here talking about misogyny I kind of realized it's absolutely pointless and all it's going to do is attract awful men. I know that misogyny exists in real life and in other places on the internet too but it seems to be so normalized on here it's not even funny. I've run into a few asshole women haters on other platforms every now and then but on reddit it feels like that makes up 70% of the men on here. What really throws me for a loop is if someone is being racist/anti-semitic/discriminatory in some other way, they get banned/called out immediately (which is absolutely a good thing btw, and that's how it should be) but I feel like hatred towards women slips through the cracks so much more often here. I know r/incels was banned, thank god, but I see so many men on here who very clearly fucking hate women more than anything/are incel redpillers, they just don't point blank call themselves that. It's very evident how much they hate women by the talking points and language they use/the opinions that have. And reddit doesn't do a damn thing about it. In the past I've posted onto relationship advice forums looking for support/advice for situations I've been in where a man was treating me badly and all the comments were siding with the man, blaming me for the way the man I was with treated me. I know very well though that if I posted that exact situation with the genders reversed the comments would be filled with support. Like I said in the first paragraph, it feels like women can never share their negative experiences they've had with a man without men taking it personally and making it about themselves with the whole ""Not all men!!"" or ""Women do it too!!"" I also don't get these dudes weird obsession with ""humbling"" attractive women. It's almost as if they secretly wish they could be with them, but they know damn well a girl like that would never so much as look in their direction/they know they aren't good enough and this is their way of making them feel better about themselves. I'm fortunate to be ugly enough that even the incel dweeb losers don't bother me in that regard. It feels like women straight up can't do anything on the internet without men being abysmal human beings. God help you if you're a women who is overweight. Or a single mom. Or have a high body count. I'm an ugly girl and used to resent the hell out of attractive women because from my perspective men always treated them so much better always doing things for them, meanwhile they treated me as good as the dirt on their heel. But now I feel really bad for attractive women because I now see they get treated like absolute shit by men too, just in a different form. I'm starting to just really fucking resent men, not because they aren't attracted to me but because it feels like there are no men out there that genuinely see women as people/aren't secretly red pill misogynists from hell. I don't care what a man looks like to be honest if you are a man and actually respect us as people/aren't a raging woman hater you already go up 5 points in my eyes. Also I can't ever say anything negative about the way men have treated me without men screaming at me that I'm a misandrist. It's like they don't understand that women usually say ""I hate men"" because of all the shit we've had to deal with from them our whole lives while men usually say ""I hate women"" because women don't want to fuck them. I also really hate being a woman sometimes because all I see is men on here who seem to hate me and see me as the enemy for the sole reason I am a woman. Even my own dad and brother watch those Joe Rogan/Andrew Tate videos and it feels like I can't escape it.",,618,[deleted],2023-12-26 20:21:33 Feminism,18rospz,So done with sexism in online spaces,"There have always been assholes on the internet. With the rise of short-form content, however, it's been easier than ever to check a lot of comments in different videos in a shorter amount of time. Provocative content also engages more people, whether negatively or positively. I think that this technology change exposed me more to how toxic and sexist people are on the internet. It is not one comment, one single instance of online sexism that has upset me. It's the accumulation of micro-aggressions over time. For example, I last posted a skirt that I upcycled from recycled fabric in a fashion subreddit here on Reddit. My DMs were disgusting, not about the DIY project but about my body. I was saddened that I would be sexualized for just existing, doing a hobby. I deleted it. And you go to Instagram, Youtube, whatever social media, and it's the same narrative over and over. Women existing, doing things, and some assholes being assholes. I remember a video of a woman handling an engineering team as a business person, and a couple of men stating that they knew she wouldn't be the engineer. But being an engineer isn't enough to silence them either, as I also saw comments of men complaining on a video of a fucking NASA employee. I find it so unhealthy, and makes me think that the problem is more prevalent than it is. The truth is that there are women in power, that they are as capable as men, and that they have the same rights in most parts of the world. Yet, sexism in the online space has made me think that we are still underestimated, and realize that there are still men who think that they are entitled to us, that we are bound to act in certain ways, that we should conform to ideals that subjugate us, that criticize us solely for our gender. &#x200B;",,92,Icacakes,2023-12-27 02:00:14 Feminism,18rhsbc,"no, disliking feminity isn't ""internalized misogyny""","okay, gotta write this down, don't know what it will become. all critiques are welcome. I think what truly is ""internalized misogyny"" is subconsciously or consciously making a necessary link between feminity and women. Because it is to assume from the beggining that the female sex has an essence, and that to blame any of the properties of this essence is equal to hating, denying, discriminating entirely against the woman, the human female. But isn't the ultimate goal of feminism to free women from the abstract framework in which patriarchal culture placed and constantly places them ? and the disgust that many women feel in relation to feminity, is it not a cry of revolt, a rebellion that has to be understood rather than labeling it as internal sexism ? which will of course silence these women, because there can be nothing more shameful and guilty for a feminist than to be compared to ""these sexist men"". A woman is an human of the female sex that is to say a purely biological being, depraved of any romanticized, transcendant nature. On the other hand, misogyny is an act of refusing a woman her humanity. Misogyny is an attitude whose goal is the reduction of women by all means, in order to submit them. And feminity is one of the means used to achieve this end. Feminity is not an absolute and cannot be detached from its foundation, which is patriarchy. Although its a complex subject, we cant deny that feminity has similar patterns across cultures and times : a painful superficial performance. I dont see a lot of difference between foodbinding in China or hundreds of dollars and time an average woman will waste on beauty products. Difference of degree, not a difference of nature. Since any performance of feminity isn't inscripted in the female dna, it can't be labeled as misogyny. No, im not saying this to elevate masculinity. To tell the truth, neither feminity or masculinity make sense to me outside of their patriarchal framework. To end this, thank you for reading this incomplete mess",,60,j33nn11,2023-12-26 20:44:47 Feminism,18qxtu0,Are Women’s Rights In The USA Going Backwards?,"First it was the Roe VS Wade Overturn, now women who live in Texas can’t drive out of state to get an abortion or they will be arrested. I would not be surprised if our right to vote was taken away next. This is why feminism not being supported enough is a problem.",,800,[deleted],2023-12-26 02:49:20 Feminism,18rbmba,"Hello, sorry if this type of post is not allowed but 2 years ago Poland planned to introduce a register for recording miscarriages. All the articles I found are before the law came into effect, does anyone know if it ended up passing?","Asking here because I cannot post on r/Poland. Im writing about human rights violations in eastern/central Europe in regards to abortion access and need to know what ended up happening and am out of sources, Thanks.",,27,Hashkovo,2023-12-26 16:18:02 Feminism,18rel2r,The trailblazing woman who isn’t talked about enough,,https://www.thestreet.com/personalities/lisa-su-net-worth,17,SuperMike100,2023-12-26 18:26:27 Feminism,18qwqee,Women in Sudan are getting raped!!spread awareness.,"A terrible Civil War broke out on 15 April in Sudan of course women and children are the easiest targets during these tough times. the RSF have broken into peoples houses,ransacked homes and raped women. Women are getting gang raped in front of their families. There has been tweets of women asking for Islamic fatwa on if suicide is allowed out of fear of getting raped.Speak up for the Sudanese women. To read more about what’s happening: [https://www.reuters.com/investigates/special-report/sudan-politics-darfur-males/](https://www.reuters.com/investigates/special-report/sudan-politics-darfur-males/) [https://nationalinterest.org/feature/uae-must-stop-stoking-war-sudan-206831](https://nationalinterest.org/feature/uae-must-stop-stoking-war-sudan-206831) [https://www.nytimes.com/2023/09/29/world/africa/sudan-war-united-arab-emirates-chad.html](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/09/29/world/africa/sudan-war-united-arab-emirates-chad.html) [https://www.economist.com/middle-east-and-africa/2023/11/16/a-genocidal-militia-is-winning-the-war-in-sudan](https://www.economist.com/middle-east-and-africa/2023/11/16/a-genocidal-militia-is-winning-the-war-in-sudan)",,303,olivegreens-8429,2023-12-26 01:51:06 Feminism,18qqgo1,Cat Lady as an insult,"Maybe I'm really slow, but I just realized what I think is the reason men think ""Cat Lady"" is an insult. And that is that they think it's a BAD thing that we prefer cats to men, lol! (I was called a Cat Lady when I wouldn't duck a men's rights gun nutter.)",,254,Physical-Trust-4473,2023-12-25 20:32:19 Feminism,18qkvw2,"What is your opinion about the band Rammstein, (specifically Till Lindemann, the singer)?","I just watched the videoclip ""Platz Eins"" and it was so weird. It shows women being abused by Till Lindemann. People told me that it is art, but I felt bad watching this. https://youtu.be/0nS9W7MdbrA?si=unrdxahsKxtqmxra I watched the uncensored version which is worse.",,96,Admirable_Strike4114,2023-12-25 15:38:24 Feminism,18q7vc6,Got this book for Christmas. It’s a pretty good read so far.,,https://i.redd.it/m90tqomf8c8c1.jpeg,920,Maxibon1710,2023-12-25 00:45:37 Feminism,18qrr0f,Books (or Podcasts?) for Preteens & Teens,"I have a son and daughter (12 & 10, respectively). They both watch YouTube often, and although we try to keep an ear and eye on it they have occasionally heard things that nod toward anti-feminism or right wing propaganda. I desperately want to help my kids be educated properly about sexism, racism, poverty, social issues, etc. and talk regularly about all the important issues we can think of - but I want to find good books or other good media to put in their hands. I'm hoping some of you can help! Many thanks, and I hope your holiday season is going well.",,11,NthaThickofIt,2023-12-25 21:39:08 Feminism,18q7e37,Positive report on a man apologizing for getting in my space!,"Thought I'd share. Last week, I was at the gym and a man asked to use a piece of equipment in my immediate personal space. I should have said wait but said ok in haste, in that moment. Within a few moments I said, ""this is really awkward, I'm just going to move."" For the rest of the day, I lambasted myself for not saying no in the moment. Today, the guy politely said, ""Excuse me. I owe you an apology. That was too close and I shouldn't have even asked."" Now that is an actual APOLOGY! I said, ""thank you, I appreciate that"", and that was it. No justifications, minimization etc, and he reached that on his own. Gives me hope, when most of my interactions with men go the other direction. I really respect this guy.",,439,No_Celery9390,2023-12-25 00:18:09 Feminism,18pyvxl,am i being dramatic?,"So basically i have been talking to a guy recently and I brought up a band i didn't like because they are being charged for child rape and he jokingly said 'that's my kind of band'. I had told him prior i had been raped multiple times and have trauma from it, the jokes itself is awful, I don't know whether he was trying to be edgy or what. but the joke struck a nerve with me as i don't find what part of rape or even child rape is a joke to him? afterwards i called him out obviously and he said sorry it was a bad joke and then basically said 'what do you want me to say?' the thing is i don't really want him to say anything, the damage was done and i don't feel like i can trust him anymore but ive talked to my sister and she said everyone makes those jokes nowadays and im being dramatic and that joke alone doesn't make him bad but i still can't trust him. am i dramatic?",,132,frankierosbf,2023-12-24 16:51:11 Feminism,18q2oc6,We need y'all here in New Mexico. The link here is only on example but I'll elaborate a bit here.,"Sex Ed isn't talked about enough down here in New Mexico. Like we girls are so shamed that there have been two cases of girls literally putting their babies that they refused to even acknowledge -- and lied about not being pregnant -- in the literal garbage. They don't even look to abortion centers either. Like that is how shamed we are down here. It isn't talked about medically and what makes this worse is that New Mexico itself is so heavily religious that in my little dinky ass town has more churches than homeless shelters. I could go on all day but this needs to be talked about. I hope that those of you here in New Mexico can help find a way to shove the bs abstinence teachings out of the schools.",https://sexeducationcollaborative.org/states/new-mexico,44,Ouija-Board-Demon,2023-12-24 20:03:27 Feminism,18pq5xn,😼,,https://i.redd.it/1cif9pt5278c1.jpeg,307,wetpears09,2023-12-24 07:21:30 Feminism,18ppv9z,I've honestly given up on finding a feminist partner...,"Honestly, at times I wish I was a bi-demisexual instead of being the worst combination possible: a straight demisexual with a high sex drive...and yes, feminist. 2 failed engagements and nothing looking better from here relationship-wise, I've reset my goals to just getting a cottage in Scandinavia somewhere, a dog, and maybe a cat and calling life complete at that point. Hopes of raising children and finding a loving partner who actually respects me have gone out the window more or less. The few men I've been able to find who claim to be feminist or trying to carefully phrase it as ""into equal rights"" (I recognize the latter is a complete red flag now) have simply been stating something to get an ""Ok, let's date"" out of me or putting on a false front until it all evaporates in exhaustion/frustration of not having their patriarchal whims fullfilled. I'm just tired of it all. I'm in a place that doesn't allow pets (it's NYC, so apartment hunting is a shit show and you get what you get or nothing at all for 2,000 a month hole in the wall or enjoying the 45-60 minute commute to the city), so I'm touch deprived, I work full-time with horrendous hours due to a lot of required overtime, I'm new to the city and don't have a lot of friends yet (the work hours haven't helped with this), family is on the other side of the country and our dynamic is complicated and exasperating for the most part...in short, I'm touch/emotional intimacy starved and sex deprived. As a demisexual, I cannot even wrap my head around one night stands so that's a no (it's not even about me being stuck up, even though I wouldn't risk the STDs nowadays) but also the thought of shagging with someone who doesn't give a rip about me, just doesn't wet my whistle, so things will not fire up and be ready to go. At this point I've been struggling with worsening depression to boot and just don't know where to turn from here at this point. I just feel like giving up. Is there light at the end of the tunnel? Does it get better? Spent most of my life alone, maybe the yearning for intimacy will go away. It feels like a curse at this point. Why is it so hard to find men who are not threatened by our dreams, skills, and ambitions? Why is it so hard to find men who respect us as people? I guess what hurts the most is in all my relationships, none of them wanted me to leave and yet respecting me was just too much for them? What does it take for men to see us as people worth respecting? Edit: Wow, didn't expect this to blow up like it did. I'd like to thank everyone for the heartfelt responses, that means a lot. Also, it gives me some hope seeing how many responses included men that are feminist. I suppose that gives me some hope.",,266,AcanthaceaeFancy3887,2023-12-24 07:01:12 Feminism,18pmjuo,Need advice overcoming resentfulness and anger when noticing how differently my parents treat my brother than they treat me,"Everytime I visit home I see the differences in how my parents treat my brother (19M) and me (24F). The whole time I lived in my parent's house, my curfew was when school ended. I was never allowed to go out to see friends outside of school save for a couple friends that my parents knew. As a result, I ended up with little to no friends in middle school and high school. I went to college 30 minutes away from home, and the only reason I was allowed to live in the dorms was because it was required. Regardless, I was expected to come home every weekend, and my mom face timed me at 9pm every night to make sure I was in the dorm and would track my location. I know all these things seem small, but all of this has cumulated to where I feel like I've missed out on a huge part of adulthood that I'll never get back. I moved across the country a couple years back for grad school so I have way more freedom now. However, I have an incredible amount of anxiety about any and all social events I go to, where I feel like I'll get in ""trouble"" if I stay out too long or am out at night, and don't have many friends from high school/college because of the surveillance. I'm in my mid-twenties, and feel like all my friends have moved on to adulthood but I'm still stuck mentally. My brother, on the other hand, has had no issues with his freedom. He's hit all of his young adult milestones right when everyone does - he partied and drank throughout high school, dated, and went out until the wee hours of the morning with a lot of friends, things that I never got close to doing because I barely went out at all. He's in college now and is the same age I was when I was tracked constantly but he goes in and out of the house and his dorm without question. He speaks about his activities with my parents, and they don't care at all; when I was that age, my mom threatened to pull me out of college for going to get ice cream with my friends past dark. I'm working hard in therapy to get over this resentment, but every time I come back home, I get triggered almost every day and can't stop myself from commenting about it to my parents. My parents take my comments VERY personally and get extremely upset, yelling and screaming, whenever I do. It seems like they mean my comments to be about their overall parenting, meanwhile I feel upset and gaslit about losing important parts of my youth. I don't know what to do. They claim it's because of other factors but I can tell it's a gender thing. How do I notice this every day and not go crazy? And how do I just not bring it up to my family? Sometimes I really hate being a woman. What did I do wrong to lose these precious moments? I keep trying to tell myself that it's okay, and I can do all that now, but it's so hard to move on, especially when at home. ",,133,hillsharita,2023-12-24 03:37:20 Feminism,18prgvc,How The British Press Failed Brianna Ghey,,https://youtu.be/8LG2eo7BXIg?si=vr-rAk2ctRvaGQIE,33,milgrip,2023-12-24 08:55:41 Feminism,18pbq7z,How millennials learned to dread motherhood,,https://www.vox.com/features/23979357/millennials-motherhood-dread-parenting-birthrate-women-policy,476,eddytony96,2023-12-23 18:26:55 Feminism,18pah7i,Vent about men who pretend to be feminists,"I recently saw my old high school bully in an instagram post who frequently sexualized me (at 14), negatively commented on my appearance and made fun of me for being a women in a leadership role in school clubs. He now is an intern on a very liberal/left-leaning talk show and was surrounded by other women interns supposedly having the time of their life. Honestly, I don’t doubt that he’s changed in some regard and is no longer doing the things he did (at least publicly), BUT it made me so angry to think of these men that are friends with women who have a whole history and past of being the “bad guy”, the misogynist, or the bully. Another example is my ex who assaulted me - while I had to block him on every platform, I know he is now friends with a group of queer woman. His words, he’s the “honorary lesbian” of the group 🤢. To his friend group, I’m sure they see him as a normal guy - maybe even a feminist guy or a guy with more progressive beliefs - the “good guy”. YET, they are totally unaware of his abusive SA past. Knowing this I’m both angry and terrified that we live in a world of men - with at least some history of slighting, bullying or even abusing women - where they go about there daily business with zero accountability and are actually accepted in more liberal, feminist or queer spaces. How do I move on knowing I could be friends with or even dating someone who has hurt another in the past? And then how likely are they just to repeat the past? I think it’s really easy to avoid the men who clearly hate women and subscribe to the patriarchy - but what about these men with hidden pasts? I’m really hoping there is a more hopeful outlook on this but I’m not sure.",,280,lazyegg45,2023-12-23 17:27:17 Feminism,18p0mc6,This was posted in my city’s sub and men don’t see a problem with it,"This was in a newspaper for seniors. We have an insane housing crisis at the moment, with an estimated 525 women experiencing chronic homelessness. Of those, 269 are sleeping rough and 256 are in temporary shelters. Old bloke here is pretending to be altruistic to lure vulnerable women (only 35-55 and slim to medium build, but any race!) into his house, presumably to cook, clean and care for him. He read the news and thought “wow that sucks! I want to help out, but only if they’re bangable” Men in the comments section are saying he’s just looking for a companion, and if the poster was a woman we wouldn’t have a problem with it. They don’t see this as predatory, they believe he’s trying to do a good thing. If he was, he wouldn’t have an age range and preferred build, and wouldn’t only want women who are homeless. He didn’t specify no kids, so that adds to the creepiness considering the women he wants are likely to have children with them. A woman pointed out that he’s probably seeking “any race” to include women from other countries who may speak little English and are even more vulnerable. They’d be less likely to report bad behaviour either because they don’t know how/if they can, or are afraid their visa will be at risk. I guess the silver lining is that I can’t imagine many women in his preferred demographic are gonna be reading a seniors’ newspaper, let alone the dating section. (Btw NS, ND means no smoking, no drugs)",https://i.redd.it/y8ffha8c008c1.jpeg,818,SubstantialTone4477,2023-12-23 07:38:52 Feminism,18pjuhk,I love this comic. I wish I could send it to my stepdad but he's so set in his ways that it's just sad.,,https://twitter.com/roberttheotter/status/1592524002639376385?t=MtNngpO39rjCWryMmPKyeA&s=19,23,Ouija-Board-Demon,2023-12-24 01:05:10 Feminism,18pa5mq,Were you assertive as a child?,"Question mostly directed towards women and female presenting people. As a child and teenager, did you assert your own wishes? Did you feel safe doing so? And did things change in that regard, as you became an adult? Personally as a girl I think I was quite assertive about some things, but not assertive about others. Things I felt ashamed or scared to say as a kid, I find easier to voice now. (As in, saying I liked to watch cartoons, lol. Somehow as a kid I felt ashamed to admit that I enjoyed media for kids -- probably because other kids *and my own parents* used to mock me for liking cartoons.) Now I freely draw cartoons comics and don't give a F if someone calls me childish for it. Other things I found easier to say as a child. Like when I didn't like someone, as a child I was very vocal about that. And felt absolutely no shame in expressing my dislike of people I didn't like. (I remember openly shouting at a classmate who was horrible to me, openly telling them we were no longer friends, lol. And not caring one bit about the shocked expressions around us. Because that kid totally deserved that.) As an adult woman I do feel a lot more social pressure to be nice to people. And give people a smile, even though they are complete strangers, and I'm not feeling like smiling. Anyone else have that? Did you feel this way as a child, too? Or did you only start feeling this pressure to ""act nice"" as you got older? And how does one grow past it, overcome it? I don't want to be mean to people who don't deserve it. But I don't want to people please, either. I feel like this was a lot easier when I was a kid.",,38,KaivaUwU,2023-12-23 17:11:43 Feminism,18oxz63,"California town proposes ban on Pride, Black and women’s history celebrations",,https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2023/dec/22/california-huntington-beach-ban-diverse-celebrations,98,BurtonDesque,2023-12-23 04:50:37 Feminism,18ovuai,"Women's groups dismayed that officer who threatened to kill ex was demoted, not fired",,https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/ottawa/yourik-brisebois-discreditable-conduct-sentence-1.7063713,84,katespadesaturday,2023-12-23 02:48:21 Feminism,18ou5ri,"Genitals (again, I know)","Okay so I see people mainly talk about female genitals as if they’re just a hole, and don’t involve any other pieces. I feel like as women we are kinda just taught that we have a hole and that it bleeds once at month and that’s it and not anything else, causing confusion and worry about our genitals and what they should look like, do, etc. I guess this is just a bit of a rant but I’m kind of getting sick of it.",,98,hEh79,2023-12-23 01:18:09 Feminism,18optp4,Why do people accuse women of always having “jealous” traits more than men?,"This is just through my personal observation, but at any time a woman is critical or she makes an opinion, people are just so ready to point out that “she’s must be jealous”. I have seen this happens FAR less between men. Why is this?",,175,Alternative_Cup6954,2023-12-22 21:47:59 Feminism,18p3fv6,Looking for Aussie feminism,Hello! Does anyone know of feminist Australian podcasts or books ? ,,10,lyndongraffiti,2023-12-23 11:05:36 Feminism,18omco6,Israeli doctors: Many of 30 released female hostages were assaulted in Gaza,,https://www.i24news.tv/en/news/israel-at-war/1703254945-israeli-doctors-confirm-that-30-released-female-hostages-were-raped,87,HaTzoref,2023-12-22 19:04:23 Feminism,18o421u,Pharmacist refused emergency contraception prescription. Court to decide if that was discrimination,,https://nationalpost.com/pmn/health-pmn/pharmacist-refused-emergency-contraception-prescription-court-to-decide-if-that-was-discrimination,472,katespadesaturday,2023-12-22 02:18:45 Feminism,18ocdr6,Random little rant,"So I used to have a guy friend, and he seemed chill, till I saw a tiktok he reposted saying that he wouldn't like his girlfriend talking to other boys. I called him, clearly upset, and tried explaining why that wasn't ok. I'll save you guys the details, but he said that it's a preference and he would leave if she didn't comply... I obviously got mad, cuz wtf, and he then had the fucking audacity to call me a ""female"" Excuse me... that's literally objectifying me to my genitalia, and I tried explaining that. Obviously, he didn't listen. I quickly hung up, and blocked him in everything. And that's why I don't have guy friends, because they're either misogynist, or instantly try getting with me. I'm so tired of it🙄",,85,MiniPagan101,2023-12-22 10:58:53 Feminism,18oapy8,Fat shaming & misogynie,"Do you also notice a significant connection? Today, I reflected on my experiences with fat-shaming, particularly involving heterosexual men. These were instances where I encountered intense hostility, leaving me feeling dehumanized. I believe this issue is closely intertwined with broader themes of misogyny and patronization, possibly drawing parallels to the ongoing debate on abortion rights, as it revolves around the right to bodily autonomy. Furthermore, I posit that this harsh judgment is rooted in society's rigid expectations for women. Misogynistic individuals often impose fixed roles, such as the expectation to have children, conform to certain beauty standards, and meet societal norms. This realization struck me as I contemplated ""skinny privilege"" today. In addition, I encourage you to share your fat-shaming experiences, regardless of gender. Importantly, I want to clarify that I do not intend to suggest that men do not experience fat-shaming. I am aware that the world can be a very challenging place for individuals of all body types, and I do not want to invalidate anyone's experiences. What are your thoughts on this matter? Edit: THANKS TO EVERYONE FOR SHARING YOUR EXPERIENCES, ALL YOUR SUPPORT & EVERY KIND WORD ❤️ It means a lot to me.",,116,RaiseConsistent8683,2023-12-22 09:05:56 Feminism,18o6p2z,How can I stop my guy friends from making misogynistic comments?,"I (M15) am friends with most of the guys in my grade as I go to a small school. However sometimes when I am talking to them they say some messed up things about women, and tend to objectify women a fair amount. What do you think I should say in order to confront them about this when it comes up? I’m afraid if I’m too confrontational they might make fun of me, so I don’t know how to address them in a calmer manner.",,243,TimeExplorer5463,2023-12-22 04:42:27 Feminism,18o9c5m,Some quotes that resonated with me today,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/18o9c5m,133,Interesting-Oil-2989,2023-12-22 07:27:53 Feminism,18oi6np,Confidence,"How can I grow my confidence as a woman? Ive become better. For example following my dreams, working toward finishing my degree, travelling, going to the gym, focusing on nurturing my hobbies/creative ideas. And general getting out of my comfort sone and try new things that scares me. But ofte I Get discouraged and I give up on my projects after a while. Finishing my degree has been the only thing Ive really pulled through. But its very performance based. How do you build inner confidence that isnt based on exterior things/performance. What makes you feel confident that you only do for you? 🙏",,17,Frequent-Presence302,2023-12-22 16:00:32 Feminism,18nwo92,"More Than a Year After Mississippi Forced Her To Give Birth, It Still Hasn’t Offered Any Extra Help",,https://inthesetimes.com/article/dobbs-mississippi-abortion-republicans-family-policies,133,inthesetimesmag,2023-12-21 20:38:07 Feminism,18nsg1q,What was a time you as a woman experienced chauvinism or misogyny in the workplace?,"I was having a discussion with a male friend who was doubting that women have these experiences as often as I said they do. He argued that these are rare and isolated incidents. I am looking for any woman who has experienced any incidents of sexism in their workplace to help make my point that it is more common than men often think it is. I'll start: I was once put in charge of managing a project that required I receive reports from male managers to complete. Despite completing most of the work for the project, I was not able to get any of them to turn in their reports despite numerous reminders and prompts that I needed them. As a result of the delay, the project ( and therefore, the opportunity for leadership) was taken from me and given to another male coworker. His requests for the reports were met immediately and he received company-wide kudos for doing the project despite me having already done 80% of the work . Another time I found a male coworker who worked a less-skilled position and whom I had a years seniority over in the business was getting paid several dollars more per hour than I was. I was reprimanded for finding out, in what I recognize now was an illegal attempt to prevent us from discussing our pay. I would love to hear any similar experiences anyone else might have. Thanks! **Edit:** Adding a few more of my experiences just because sexual harassment didn't even occur to me. But it absolutely counts. Rampant sexual harassment while working in restaurant BOH positions. including but not limited to: \-Being smacked on the ass with a frying pan. \- Talked about lewdly in Spanish, assuming I couldn't understand ( I did. I am conversational in Spanish) \- Being kissed up my arm by a manager. \- Being grabbed, pressed against and having my neck kissed by that same manager. \-Being trapped in a car with, and having the doors locked until I agreed to kiss, that manager. \- Whistling while bent over to retrieve items from fridge. &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B;",,158,Grand-Management-720,2023-12-21 17:35:11 Feminism,18nvv39,This chart ranks 180 countries by the percentage of their workforce who are women.,,https://www.qualtrics.com/blog/countries-ranked-by-female-workforce/,84,MaxGoodwinning,2023-12-21 20:02:07 Feminism,18nzowy,Vin Diesel Accused of Sexual Battery in Lawsuit by Former Assistant.,,https://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/vin-diesel-accused-of-sexual-battery-in-lawsuit-by-former-assistant,40,BeautifulLife1,2023-12-21 22:51:02 Feminism,18o7z78,Gift Ideas?,"Hi All, My wife has recently started her feminist journey, and is becoming really passionate about the movement, and how she can help/ get involved. Her Birthday is coming up soon, and I was going to get her a hair dryer (I promise she wants one), but I am wondering if there were any gift ideas I could get her that would help her in understanding feminism more, or educate her more, I am not really sure what I am trying to say, but hopefully maybe some of you might have some ideas on things that helped you along the way.",,7,K13mm,2023-12-22 05:59:11 Feminism,18nj8nt,Concerned about how young boys are being taught to treat women,"I'm still young enough to play Roblox, a game that a lot of literal children play, and since I have a female avatar I've had lots of incidents where kids around 10-13 years old have, let's just say, imitated sexual acts against my avatar without warning. I try to tell them off but they never show any understanding whatsoever that this is extremely inappropriate. Are kids getting taught somewhere that this is okay? Is this coming from some sort of guru figure, telling them that women are just objects? I don't want to think that this is what kids are naturally like at such young ages.",,262,musicloverx98x,2023-12-21 09:37:27 Feminism,18nlz7o,Czech Republic: Forcing students to take off their bras before exams,"https://www.irozhlas.cz/zpravy-domov/czu-podprsenky-ceska-zemedelska-univerzita-praha-testovaci-centrum-pef-studentky_2312180500_har Few weeks ago, there was a story on the news about the Czech Agricultural University requiring students to pass a metal detector test before they are allowed to take their exams. The issue is that the metal detector is detecting bra underwires and the students are being forced to take them off. There was quite the press about it and an Ethics Comittee meeting has been scheduled. I thought that was enough for the issue to be over. But it's really not. Just 3 days ago, the article I linked above came out. Apparently, not only has it not stopped, but the school is now using the excuse of protecting the school against Russian-speaking Organized Groups using spy technology. Also, the spokesperson defending the school is a woman, how embarrasing. For context, metal detectors are not used like this at universities here. The original issue may have been cheating, but to me this looks like they're taking advantage of girls that cannot say no (or they are denied the exam). And even if you comply, you spend the whole exam trying to pass while processing the traumatic experience.",,131,Every_River5693,2023-12-21 12:31:46 Feminism,18novri,Outrage as Emmanuel Macron says Gérard Depardieu is target of ‘manhunt’,,https://www.theguardian.com/film/2023/dec/21/emmanuel-macron-says-gerard-depardieu-is-target-of-manhunt,30,BurtonDesque,2023-12-21 14:56:43 Feminism,18no7r5,Empowering Fitness Initiative Reconnects Women with the Joy of Double Dutch,"If you’re in Long Island, I recommend giving them a call.",https://www.newsday.com/long-island/li-life/double-dutch-jump-rope-long-island-n3hpehj3,16,Black_Reactor,2023-12-21 14:25:42 Feminism,18n40pl,How TikTok Trends May Be Setting Gender Back By Decades,,https://www.thedailybeast.com/tiktok-trends-like-girl-dinner-may-be-setting-gender-back-by-decades,457,BurtonDesque,2023-12-20 20:13:47 Feminism,18mwgot,Iran hangs 'child bride' for murdering husband despite international appeals for clemency,,https://www.france24.com/en/live-news/20231220-iran-hangs-child-bride-for-murder-of-husband-rights-groups,413,Shekari_Club,2023-12-20 14:56:16 Feminism,18mpa1j,See a dad realize that his wife has had an empty stocking … for 10 years. So depressing that she defended him,"This is the story of women everywhere. I would say MOST women have experience this at least a few times. I’m sad she defended him. He went a DECADE without noticing.",https://www.today.com/parents/moms/moms-empty-christmas-stocking-rcna130333?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=news_tab,1104,cannotberushed-,2023-12-20 07:53:08 Feminism,18mu7yv,‘I’m not a toy’: how an antiquated tradition of forced marriage wrecked one girl’s life,,https://www.theguardian.com/global-development/2023/dec/19/womens-ordeal-under-pakistan-ghag-illegal-forced-marriage-custom,275,BurtonDesque,2023-12-20 13:09:31 Feminism,18n8323,Speaker Mike Johnson and daughter were profiled attending 'purity ball' in 2015 German TV news segment,,https://abcnews.go.com/US/speaker-mike-johnson-daughter-profiled-attending-purity-ball/story?id=105785626,45,BurtonDesque,2023-12-20 23:11:45 Feminism,18mww8z,The Korean gaming industry is censoring feminism(Thought censorship) against female applicants.,"[https://www.reddit.com/r/Feminism/comments/18dilra/collective\_madness\_happening\_in\_korea/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Feminism/comments/18dilra/collective_madness_happening_in_korea/) If you are curious about Maple Story's ""index finger"" controversy, please click the link above. In the Korean game industry, if an applicant is a woman, the interviewer asks, “Are you a feminist?” And only female employees are subject to SNS control by the company. Female employees or female applicants are subject to ideological censorship(Feminism) from the company. And the reality of the Korean gaming industry is that the light punishment female employees receive from the company is a request to delete their SNS accounts, and the harsh punishment is even dismissal. This is a news article about this terrible reality. &#x200B; https://preview.redd.it/wvw6rrif4g7c1.jpg?width=1920&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a79bdaeba5663fbcfd411f8b10c881fb39a7cca1 >“Are you feminist?” Asked during an interview... After joining the company, they are fired. > >A society that asks, ‘Are you a feminist?’ > >After tracking SNS accounts, only women were asked to ‘verify their feminism(Thought verification)’ Demanding account deletion, saying “It doesn’t matter who is right or wrong” > >Paying attention to users and passing responsibility to workers **And this is the reaction of netizens (mainly men) to this news article.** &#x200B; https://preview.redd.it/ql4bl3c55g7c1.jpg?width=1920&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d4b7c952e0fcb3c3289b29e963f6330c993302f6 1. ***I believe that the company has no choice but to take such measures. From a company's perspective, if it hires even one problematic employee, it is only a matter of time before the entire company suffers. Such are the characteristics of the company, so I don't understand why they applied for a job and then later slandered the company by claiming that they were subjected to ideological verification.*** 2. ***Then, “Hankyoreh News” should hire them.(Meaning of ridiculing the Hankyoreh News)*** 3. ***This is because feminists who claim that “the life of packing lunch for husband is slavery”are mentally ill.*** 4. ***Yeah, yeah. so don't come to companies where men work. You keep telling nonsense about how the world (Korea) is dangerous (for women to live in), so why do you keep settling in Korea, a dangerous truce country, instead of leaving? Even if you go out of Korea, you crawl back in within a few years and are struggling to live in a Korean way. You(feminists) are a bundle of contradictions whose mouths and bodies play separately, and yet you are spouting sophistry, Feminists?????? Who threatened you with a knife??????????*** 5. ***Is the journalist a feminist? If there is a problem, we need to filter it out. Why is that discrimination?*** Korean workers' human rights groups, women's groups, etc. claim that the censorship of female employees' ideology is misogynistic. However, the main consumers of Korean games are men in their 20s and 30s, and the reality is that more than 60% of them are misogynists. Because of this, the reality is that voices opposing the ideological censorship of women are drowned out. Most gaming industries practice ideological censorship of female employees. Currently, Korea has become a world where the incel world has become the mainstream, where not only misogyny but also other forms of terrible hatred, including hatred of the socially disadvantaged, have become mainstream. As I mentioned last time, Korean incels hate all ideologies that fall under “progressive human rights.” So, once again, I am revealing a list of things Korean incels hate. For reference, the groups that these incels hate are as follows : Women, disabled people, black people, cats, dog, foreign workers, environmentalists, workers, low income group, labor rights groups, labor rights struggles, men in their 40s, men in their 586th generation, LGBT, men who opposes violence against women, men washing dishes, men who are sweet to women, socially disadvantaged, liberal people, etc, I'd like to introduce you to a game production company that didn't give in to today's horrible incel culture. In 2018, Korean incels claimed that the illustrator of a game called “Witch Spring” should be fired because he advocated for feminists. The story of how she was branded a devilish radical feminist by incels is as follows. 1. Female idol Irene read the book “Kim Ji-young, Born 1982.” 2. Because of this, incels expressed their anger toward Irene. 3. The illustrator of a game called “Girls’ Frontline” posted a tweet criticizing this incident. 4. As a result, the illustrator of the game “Girls’ Frontline” became the target of incels. 5. In the end, the illustrator of the game “Girls’ Frontline” was sanctioned with “contract termination.” 6. The illustrator of the game ""Witch Spring"" retweeted this barbaric incident. 7. Incels began attacking the illustrator of a game called “Witch Spring.” 8. However, the production company of the game “Witch Spring” protected the illustrator, claiming the seriousness of “unfair dismissal.” Of course, incels fiercely criticized the production company of “Witch’s Spring,” calling it “Megalia’s Spring,” and that criticism is still ongoing. For reference, I expose the level of Korean wiki(Namu Wiki) that describes this incident. &#x200B; [ Namu Wiki has always defended the hate culture of incels, and it is still ongoing. ](https://preview.redd.it/8e1hhrq8nh7c1.jpg?width=1920&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fbb9eecc1053cb13840a393601abecdb10a7289a) At a time when the terrible ideological censorship of women is becoming more severe, I am relieved a little from this miserable feeling of despair by thinking of the small number of production companies that protected their female employees. Of course, even 4-5 years after this production company made that decision, incels still ridicule this production company. &#x200B; [Reactions from incels four years after the production company \(Witch's Spring\) decided to take protective measures for female employees](https://preview.redd.it/4e2c1wgdog7c1.jpg?width=1920&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a0f77e909ac64fb484068b7340e00120958f84f6) Reading the reactions of incels makes me so angry and despairing, but I hope that there will be more production companies like this that protect their female employees. Of course, the sad reality is that only a small number of production companies protect their female employees. For reference, the book “Kim Ji-young, Born 1982” is a book that contains “things that women go through in their lives.” Since this book has been exported all over the world, there will be people who read this book and there will be people who don't know about it. Incels not only engage in misogyny but also intervene in all issues and send hateful comments to progressive human rights activists. If you're curious about who Korean incels send malicious comments to, check out the ""People Korean incels hate"" listed above. Korean incels write horrible comments to them. And Korean internet culture is dominated by incels. In Korea, if someone writes something that sympathizes with the pain of the socially underprivileged, they will receive aggressive comments from incels, such as, ""Don't write something that smells like blood like a woman."" Moreover, these days, in reality, the number of male groups that assault women is increasing. In real life, I also witnessed a group of male high school students attempt to beat up a female middle school student. When I listened to the male high school student's story, the reason was that the female middle school student was afraid of the male high school students (themselves). (The male high school students claimed that this was the behavior of feminists who treated them as potential criminals.) If the adults around her had not stopped her, the female middle school student would have probably been beaten by a group of male high school students. There are frequent reports in the news that an increasing number of young men who are dominated by incel culture are assaulting or sexually assaulting women. The frustrating truth is that some young men leave comments defending assaulters and rapists in response to news like this. &#x200B; >***P.S(1) For reference, “the smell of blood” is meant to mock women’s “menstruation(period).” The word it is subdivided into is “Pissagae(피싸개),” which, when translated into English, means “blood-spitting twit.” The word first appeared in 2015, but was initially only used in some male internet communities and was not used in real life. But, since 2018 (late 2017), it is a misogynistic word that has been widely used among young men in real life.Recently, the word ‘Aaessagae(애싸개)’ appeared. This is a word that mocks a woman's childbirth, and when translated into English it means ""baby spitting twit."" It is currently only used in some male communities and is not used in reality. However, I am afraid that just as all misogynistic words will become popular in reality in a few years, this word will also become popular in reality in the future.*** > >***P.S(2) And in the incel community, “feminist hunting” is as popular as a sport. Korean incels, if there is a female employee in a certain gaming industry and the fact is known, they investigate her social media because she is a female. Additionally, Korean incels claim that feminists have infiltrated certain games if female characters are not pretty or wear pants instead of skirts. The Limbus Company and Genshin Impact incidents are just a few of the numerous incel incidents. And incels do not hesitate to write sexually harassing comments and even send death threats when female employees in the gaming industry are revealed to be feminists. Korean incels go further and seriously criticize Western games, saying that their female characters are not pretty because they are dominated by SJW feminists. Korean incels even got excessively angry when a leaked copy of GTA6 was featured in an article, saying that the female characters were not pretty, and such comments even made it into the top 5. In addition to GTA 6, Korean incels often get more angry than necessary, saying that female characters in some Western games are not pretty. The terrible truth is that this opinion is not just one or two incels, it is the mainstream opinion and many incels think this way.*** &#x200B;",,111,Inner_Response_1714,2023-12-20 15:14:35 Feminism,18mu6eq,Italian court sentences Pakistani parents for murder of teenage daughter,,https://www.theguardian.com/world/2023/dec/19/italian-court-sentences-pakistani-parents-for-of-teenage-daughter,74,BurtonDesque,2023-12-20 13:07:09 Feminism,18mgqi0,"Colorado Supreme Court, in landmark ruling, bans Trump from state’s ballot under insurrection clause",Woohooo,https://apnews.com/article/trump-insurrection-14th-amendment-2024-colorado-d16dd8f354eeaf450558378c65fd79a2?,201,cannotberushed-,2023-12-20 00:12:07 Feminism,18m8duc,Ohio Republicans plot to thwart voters who backed 'immoral and evil' abortion rights,,https://www.rawstory.com/ohio-abortion-law-2666659920/,215,audiomuse1,2023-12-19 18:12:55 Feminism,18mm12g,"Are there any books, television programmes, comics, movies, and similar, which are so near exclusively read by sexists that you would be very concerned if you knew someone is a fan of it?","Other than the Kloran of the KKK. That one is too easy. I don't know that many movies or comics, I have a pretty limited range of those I am into. Edit: Also youtubers and songs. Edit two: Also radio shows and podcasts.",,21,Awesomeuser90,2023-12-20 04:36:53 Feminism,18lrifi,Young voters explain why they’re bailing on Biden — and whether they’d come back,This is honestly a scary prospect and will have detrimental effects on women beyond what we have already seen if a Republican gains more power,https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2024-election/young-voters-explain-re-bailing-biden-whether-d-come-back-rcna130186?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=news_tab,338,cannotberushed-,2023-12-19 03:03:31 Feminism,18lu99f,Self Defense,"I am so tired of seeing this. Whenever there’s a post somewhere about women being scared of being attacked, the comments will be filled with men saying “Just get a gun. Then you’ll be safe”. And like. Wow. So many problems with that. 1. Women should not have to take a damn gun with them wherever they go! 2. Guns aren’t even accessible to everyone (especially in countries who don’t hand them out like candy or who at least have common sense gun laws). Same men who’ll say that guns aren’t the problem, it’s mentally ill people and they just need to not be able to buy them. What about mentally ill women then?? 3. They already don’t believe women. Can you imagine how viciously they’d tear apart any woman who shot a man in self defense? They would never believe them. They’d accuse them of lying or being paranoid or just hating men. Men wouldn’t rest until they were locked up. So many more. It’s just so upsetting and I wish it wasn’t even a conversation. Why do women always have to be responsible for not being attacked? Why can’t men just not be horrible?? *I’m brand new to this sub so just in case, I’ll clarify that I obviously don’t mean all men. I’m a man (ftm). I just needed to rant about this. Hope that’s okay!",,182,lightthroughthepines,2023-12-19 05:27:11 Feminism,18m5dvq,"Subtle definitions of terms, like ""chivalry"" and ""gentleman's club""","Question A question in another sub reminded me of a few terms that felt contradictory to me, as I was growing up. I was born in 1965, and my experiences with these terms were informed by books, religious indoctrination, TV shows and movies, as well as the way I watched society use these terms. Many of these terms have fallen out of common usage, but one term, chivalry, does show up occasionally, in a few conversations I have seen recently. I grew up loving the TV show, Mash. I also enjoyed the original movie, when I first saw it as a teenager. I received the full box set of episodes, specials, original movie, and interviews, as a birthday gift around 25 years ago. My kids and I watched reruns of this show as they were growing up. At some point during the last decade, watching reruns of this show became a real lesson for me, in how my peers and I grew up absorbing so many toxic ideas surrounding misogyny and masculinity. The way patriarchy was a built in systemic and accepted normality for me became much clearer, as I realized what my generation had once watched without batting an eye. The diminishment of rape and sexual harassment into running jokes, and the way the most respected men in the camp were the ones who could masterfully use coercion in a ""gentlemanly"" manner, in order to get laid, stand out now, in so many of the episodes. For me, it is disturbing to remember how I could not see any of this, as I watched this show religiously while in my teens. (I do not think any sections of the show should be removed or banned. It does paint an honest picture of life in our society, during the 1950s war era, and again later, when the movie and series were created.) I do remember being confused by one particular scene, while I was still a teen. That scene didn't sit right with me. Hawkeye and Margaret were with Klinger at an aid station, and after a crazy day, they are trying to get some sleep. Margaret is concerned about nearby enemy activity. Hawkeye shares his blanket with her and scoots closer. Then he tells Margaret, ""I want you to know, chivalry isn't dead. It's just been replaced by exhaustion."" I remember wondering why he would equate ""chivalry"" with being awake enough to turn that moment into sexual activity. Why did it seem like he was saying that he couldn't be chivalrous enough to fuck her, because he was too tired? It sometimes felt like ""chivalry"" simply meant a man being more subtly coercive at getting sex, in order to not appear rapey. It was like a man who could be better at manipulating a women into sex, a man more well-versed in coercion, was somehow a more decent, chivalrous man. The kind of man who chose to frequent ""gentleman's club,"" instead of simply paying for sex on the street. Which brings me to the 2nd term that was also troubling to me, as a teen. Was discretion and wealth the only character differences between all of the men who sexualized and objectified women? Was a man sipping cognac, smoking cigars with other men as they enjoyed women being objectified in an opulent setting, really more decent than a man getting a lap dance in a cheap strip club? I am in no way asking all of this to get into the subject of sex-work. I am just looking back at how I instinctively viewed certain terms as definitions that to me, seemed to be saying that men sexualized and objectified women, but decent men did it with better coercion techniques, and more discretion. TLDR: Did terms like ""chivalry"" and ""gentleman's club"" give others mixed messages? What other terms felt like mixed messages?",,23,Excellent_Crow_6830,2023-12-19 16:05:07 Feminism,18m1wag,Iran: Female fans allowed into stadium for men's soccer game,,https://www.newarab.com/news/iran-female-fans-allowed-stadium-mens-soccer-game,29,monparan,2023-12-19 13:29:12 Feminism,18llyr7,Sexism in Genital jokes,"Ok so I don’t understand how so many guys can make dick jokes, even saying “suck my dick” and it’s funny and chill and all but then when a female or honestly anybody makes a joke per say about vaginas suddenly everyone is disgusted or uncomfortable. Like one time me and my male friend were joke-arguing and I said “suck my clit!” And he suddenly gets all quiet and scrunches up his face like he’s grossed out. He had made many dick jokes prior and I just do not understand all of this hiding and being disgusted of female anatomy.",,378,hEh79,2023-12-18 22:46:32 Feminism,18lgd2u,You Just Can't Take Me Anywhere!,"My last post on here was about the flight attendant who boomer-joked about my husband intentionally wanting to be sat away from me. In line to scan my ticket to said flight the flight attendant, a woman in her 50s or 60s took the ticket of the man in front of me and said, ""Thank you, sir."" Said nothing to me when scanning my ticket, then took my husband's and also thanked him and called him sir. The men are called sir, the women are called nothing. Interesting, right? Now that I have really educated myself on feminist thought I feel like I can't go anywhere without seeing it. In all these small and big ways, so many ways women are shown that they are just a collection of stereotypes and small slights. So anyway, the point of this post. After the flight, we met up with a friend and hit the bars, but it was getting late so we google mapped a real dive it was open so we decided to hit it up. There was a couple of men and a woman serving them. Here is what we encountered: At the pool table, there was a bottle of powder that they put in a Vagisil container because haha, funny, right? A poster of a girl (looked like it was from the 90's) with barely no clothes on, a winter hat and the words, ""It's hunting season!"" On another wall was a calendar of a completely nude woman with her back to us but her backside was totally uncovered, crack and all like an old school Playboy photo shoot. And I am sitting there thinking about this strange mix of desire, objectification, and contempt. The nearly nude woman who is framed the same as a deer to hunt and possess. The calendar with the blatant objectification and sexual innuendo, and finally, the Vagisil - the contempt and humiliation of a woman's body. The only thing I can think of is that they want us, and hate that they want us so much. What is this strange combination of contempt and desire? Is this the equivalent of ""he pulls your hair because he likes you"" crap? Is this, ""oh come on, it is just a men's sense of humor!"", or, ""Don't take it so seriously, it is just for fun!"" But is it, really? Honestly, it is so weird and sad. Like I said, I can't go anywhere anymore. &#x200B;",,268,whenth3bowbreaks,2023-12-18 18:55:18 Feminism,18lu0fa,Buck/Bachelor Parties and Strip Clubs (Am I a wet blanket / bad friend not to go?),"I am a cis het male and I have been invited to a few bachelor parties. The very first time I went to this kind of party when I was young (over 18 though) we visited a strip club and I hated it (some reasons discussed below). After that I do not go to strip clubs again. Recently I was invited to a bachelors where we were scheduled for one activity in the afternoon, and after then everything from dinner on (about 6 hours worth of time) was going to be somehow in the presence of women who are at least partially naked. The groom didn't organise, one of his friends did. The friend was so excited in the group chat. ""Oh! Dinner with the topless ladies it's gonna be so great"" I felt sick. I couldn't do it. I didn't want to. I care about my friend and wanted to celebrate with him but not like this. I tried telling myself that it's for my friend. I tried telling myself that in my country work in the adult industry is regulated and workers have same rights as other workers (at least on paper). Some girls in my school even wanted to do it long ago so I thought maybe the industry is not so exploitative here. Because of this some people argue that going to these places is not harming the workers there. But I just feel so gross being in a big group of men all oggling some girls and being served food and drinks by them. So basically I didn't attend my friend's bucks except for the first two hour activity which was like usual paintball or whatever type thing. **Aside from the rant (thank your for allowing it) my question:** a) Assuming worker rights are same for adult industry as others (probably not totally true anywhere but just for purpose of the argument), do you think strip clubs still do harm? b) If you agree with not going to a strip club, how can one explain this? I can say I think it's gross, I don't like it, but I find it hard to express more than that and would love to know some other ways to explain the reason not to go.",,40,PeupleDeLaMer,2023-12-19 05:13:40 Feminism,18lnzsy,Knesset confronts high suicide rates in wake of Hamas sexual violence,,https://www.ynetnews.com/health_science/article/hykkfr6i6,85,nahalkishon,2023-12-19 00:14:49 Feminism,18ld386,"""I am Kenough"" enrages me.","Another post on this subreddit made me want to post this. I have a differing opinion on the Barbie movie from them (which is totally fine as we are all valid in our differing opinions and the OP makes a lot of great points). For me, it was nice just to see so much of what femme presenting people and women talk about what we experience in the Barbie movie. &#x200B; BUT there has been something that has driven me INSANE about this movie that I feel I need to vent somewhere to people who will get it. Here is this movie that is about what women and femme presenting people go through and what is the biggest merch and biggest quote from the movie: ""I am Kenough"". Like, can we not have anything that can stay just ours? The biggest merch and quote goes back to a man. I think the quote is funny but it's literally the only quote and merch I see from the movie and it's about Ken. To me, this says a lot more about our society than anything as society is using their purchasing power to make this quote even more popular. It's just that even in a movie that is trying to promote some feminism, the quote that takes over is about a man. Edit: a few people had questions about what I mean when I say “femme presenting people”. Here is a comment I made explaining: I am gender non-conforming yet I am femme presenting. For me that means when the rest of the world looks at me, they assume I am a woman even though that is not my identity. I identify with the experiences of women since that is how many view me and I will always end up grouped as a woman by society. Personally, being grouped in with women does not bother me because I'm pretty gender apathetic but I know it matters more to others in their gender journeys. Trans women are women. 🏳️‍⚧️ On another topic, Im appreciating the discourse and taking in everyone’s thoughts. I haven’t responded to many comments because I want to process everything and take it all in and think about any opinions that I may want to change. Thanks for everyone’s words and thoughts! Edit 2: Oddly enough, we ended up having a similar conversation last night with a large group of social justice trainers that I am apart of. It's a tight rope to walk in order to stay focused on the marginalized groups while still trying to appeal to the masses and that is what we are struggling with in our own social justice circles. Also, to clarify what I meant by ""can we just have anything that can stay just ours"" is not meant to mean ""men don't belong in feminism"" but I can very much understand how it was perceived that way. Being neurodiverse can sometimes mean that how things make sense and connect in my brain don't always come out how they are intended and this is likely one of those moments. What I mean by that statement is ""why does a movie about feminism end up having the most popular phrase from the movie end up coming from and being about a man?"" It's more of a statement on how society co-opted that statement from the movie especially since those who I have heard about them saying the phrase are not saying it in a pro-feminism way but rather in a way to mock feminism and mocking a man being sensitive. I'm sure there are people who relate to the phrase seriously but I have heard of many more use it in a mocking way. The reason I say ""have heard of many using it"" is because most of those people who I have been made aware of saying it are not saying it in front of me. I am well known to call in (or call out when appropriate) comments like that so those who have had to be called out tend to stop saying inappropriate things in front of me. I hope that helps explain what I meant. I am enjoying how other people perceive ""I am Kenough"" since it is opposite from how I see it. I think we may be in an ""intent vs impact"" situation here where the intent may have been how many people in this group see it but for me the impact ended up being the opposite. While I may still feel the same as I did before, I still love to see other people's perspectives. It's also a reminder that no group is a monolith and how a lot of people may perceive a statement in one way can come off the exact opposite to another based on our individual lived experiences. Lastly, this is a critique of how society grabbed on to the phrase and the merch of the phrase. It's not a critique of the movie itself. I feel the movie itself did a good job for mainstream media to show how patriarchy hurts men and women. My comments are about how the one thing society took and ran with is the phrase from Ken.",,174,fuzziekittens,2023-12-18 16:40:29 Feminism,18kp7qr,BIG NEWS: Wisconsin’s total abortion ban has been overturned. The procedure is now officially legal through 20 weeks again,,https://apnews.com/article/abortion-ban-wisconsin-dane-county-judge-ruling-b9992fc2a162bc4b5201936a69d00eec,1934,fitxfor,2023-12-17 19:36:18 Feminism,18l15k6,I did not like the Barbie movie,"Okay for some context I’m a 17 year old girl,who’s also a raging feminist, and I watched the Barbie movie for the second time on max today and I have some problems with it. The whole message of the movie feels like corporate feminism, and I get it it was made by Mattel and all but still. Not only are there multiple jokes about cellulite and how it’s bad and that’s why Barbie goes into the real world. But then it’s okay because she called an old lady beautiful . They want me to be okay with aging but all the jokes about cellulite tells me otherwise.The whole speech about how hard it is to be a woman; how you’re supposed to be thin but not to thin is overlooked because the only plus size character is always wearing more clothes than any other Barbie. The last act of the movie feels like it’s from another movie. We walk away thinking about Ken. And yes the patriarchy affects everyone, however that shouldn’t overshadow how it affects women. When Ken brings the Patriarchy into Barbie land all the Barbies love it. The only reason they think it’s bad is because someone told them. As if I haven’t know women are treated differently since I was a child. They want to talk about a complicated issue but still spell it out for me as if I was an idiot. Barbie forgives Ken after everything because we can’t have a movie about women without them forgiving the terrible men in their lives. They could’ve done a movie about how nobody plays with Ken or a movie about the patriarchy, but no they halfass both. And at the end of the day nothing changes for anybody the patriarchy still exists in the real world and Len still don’t have power in Barbie Land.",,192,aretzloff7,2023-12-18 05:24:53 Feminism,18lecij,SURVEY: Gender Beliefs and Stress (Mod-Approved) - 18+ cisgender participants,"Thanks to mods for approving this collaboration. Why is there such disagreement on gender issues and could it have something to do with stress and perceptions of inequality? This anonymous online questionnaire hopes to help answer this question. Any consenting cisgender (gender identifies with their sex assigned at birth) adult can join the study, if they understand and accept that some of the questions could have the potential to upset them. The study has ethical approval from Northumbria University. Participants are asked for demographic information and their opinions but nothing that can identify them. The questionnaire takes an estimated 10 minutes to complete. The questionnaire can be freely distributed, and the study would benefit from access to as many participants as possible. Thank you. Please find the link to the questionnaire: [https://nupsych.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV\_3RgdQo7fxgLwGcm](https://nupsych.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_3RgdQo7fxgLwGcm) Further information revealed in debriefing section at end of study!",,12,BrainSurveyer,2023-12-18 17:32:33 Feminism,18lfn44,Survey for AP Research: 1930s rhetoric in the fashion industry,"Hi everyone!! I am a student in an AP research class in which we conduct a year long research project and conduct our own study. I am studying the rhetoric choices in 1930s fashion advertisements, and the covert sexism used. In order to understand how these trends have continued, I have developed a survey with the help of an advisor. This survey is intended only for those identifying as a woman and will go more in depth with what it asks. I also ask for 18+ in order to reduce the amount of parental consent forms. Thank you!! have a good day everyone :))",https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfmUEjCQaJNU_RDWiA2gPI2TK8hhbHntt9eW88yl539vrX_rA/viewform?vc=0&c=0&w=1&flr=0&usp=mail_form_link,6,No_Elephant_9589,2023-12-18 18:25:21 Feminism,18kwixk,I am tired of the whataboutism that many men do when we feminists complain about hypersexualization towards women,"hypersexualization has a gender/sex-specific problem, therefore we can say that hypersexualization is deeply linked to sexism and misogyny. When we feminists complain about the sexual objectification of women, many men come out and try to tell us that men and especially cis hetero men can also be hypersexualized or fetishized on the same levels as a girl/woman. This is basically whataboutism and with its ""What about boys/men"". These men think sexualization and sexual harassment is ""privilege and praise"" towards women, so they don't know the difference between what is sexual harassment and what is praise. Even one man had the audacity to say he was sexually harassed by a woman when she literally just told him he was handsome (a compliment), while we women/afab since we were little girls have been harassed and sexualized by adult men and have also been socialized to be mothers since we were 3 years old, literally many of us have been bought baby dolls to take care of, while boys are broadcast that they should be brave/strong/professional, plus they are never told that they should already start a family and get married early when they go through puberty and girls are constantly told that we are already women at a young age when we are already menstr . They are simply incapable of understanding our suffering and often complain that women are ""harassing"" at the same level and pace as men when we talk about masculine pedophilia and the hypersexualization of girls/women. This may sound controversial, but in my opinion when men complain that they are being ""sexualized"" by women when we talk about these issues it is probably because they want to troll us, I do not doubt that there are real cases of sexual harassment from women to men, without However, it is telling that they only talk about it when we try to tell them to stop sexualizing us and basing their standards on pornography. I've reviewed all of those guys' profiles and I sincerely doubt that they have been harassed by all the misogynistic, classist, racist and transphobic rhetoric they spew on their social media. Don't you find it curious that they worry sickly about false complaints when they themselves spread trolling and fake news (about women committing harassment or violence) as if it were real? I think they project themselves because they know they are lying. I have also seen that they think they have been ""sexualized"" and groomed like many of us when they have had consensual sex with older women (usually prostitutes). Man, you are not the victim here, being a consumer of prostitution is being a rapist and it doesn't matter if you are younger than the prostituted woman. I literally feel disgusted when they try to equate these situations with violent hypersexualization of girls/women. With their reasoning we realize that they do not understand what misogyny is. Worse still, they know who the victims of child marriage are (they are all girls and not boys). How do you have the audacity to point out that you are being hypersexualized? The only hypersexualization that I have seen that degrades men is when that sexualization has misogynistic roots. For example, I have seen many men treat femboys in sexist and homophobic ways. Many men often treat them as sexual objects or ""replacements"" for women, now not even feminine men are saved from the violence and harassment of other men. ",,123,Significant-Brief232,2023-12-18 01:11:53 Feminism,18l08vi,i only feel worthy if im desired by men,"it's so fucking fucked up for me to even admit this out loud. im 18 and consider myself a feminist, im very, very into feminism, but my internalized misogyny is fucking awful. i just realized this, and it's making me nauseous just thinking about it. i feel like ive just been craving male validation, and i only feel good about myself if it means that men find me attractive. it makes me nauseous to think about. im a lesbian, so i don't even fucking like men. i don't know what's wrong with me. i feel like im constantly putting up a show for some imaginary audience of men. i literally don't know who i am anymore. is something wrong with me? i fucking hate this",,51,[deleted],2023-12-18 04:32:31 Feminism,18kzuuo,ISO your thoughts on nuanced situations of unsolicited male advice,"I frequent the Home Depot parking lot to work on my camper van. Almost every time I am bothered by at least one man the listing conversation to offer unsolicited advice and or ask if I'm accompanied by my husband and whatnot. After many experiences like this I've developed a system where, the moment I see or hear a man approaching I start recording on my phone and tell him to go away and leave me alone before I call the cops. Last week this happened and the security guard who works at the home Depot came out to check on my welfare afterwards. The creep in question had told them I was crazy and he came out to make sure I was okay. I told him the whole story and then I thank you for checking on me and understanding. Today however was a touch different and that's what I'm asking your thoughts on. He approached me after zero incidents. He said he has seen me everyday working on my van and was wondering if I was chasing down a leak (which I am). I said yes but I'm not asking for advice. That's when the problem started because he started offering advice anyway. So I said I'm not asking for advice. He started offering it anyway. I said I've already talked to a professional. He kept offering advice. So I shut it down, quite coolly: ""I've spoken to a professional, have a good day."" The look on his face looked like I had hurt his feelings and I could tell and I already knew he was trying to be helpful and definitely wasn't being creepy..... But for me the issue is the unsolicited advice and assumption that I need help especially since I had already told him twice I didn't need the advice. I am tired of unsolicited advice from men assuming I need the help especially even after I've said so. Meanwhile I respect the fact that there are men who are good guys not creepy not electric not assholes not condescending in other context but it's the unsolicited advice and assumption I need help that's the problem. I don't want to have to choose between compassion for these guys and laying myself down to the condescension inherent in the unsolicited advice. I guess it would have been ideal to say, ""I know you're trying to be helpful but like I said I already know what I'm doing and I don't need help so I'd appreciate it if you just left it at that."" But it's hard to gather together that decorum in the moment.., I guess I'm just looking for your thoughts etc.",,49,No_Celery9390,2023-12-18 04:10:34 Feminism,18l1jlb,stop denying women their autonomy - a video essay on the pressure of patriarchy on women,,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=asjmdBOUjQI\,34,hyun_a,2023-12-18 05:48:31 Feminism,18l1hwu,Silent Suffering: Rohingya Girls Trapped in Abusive Marriages : City Telegraph,,https://citytelegraph.com/news/129776/rohingya-girls-trapped-in-abusive-marriages/,28,Motor-Helicopter-362,2023-12-18 05:45:35 Feminism,18kqdbc,Problematic normalized thinking: ”I don’t want my girlfriend to have any male friends”,"If you cannot grasp the idea of your girlfriend having male friends that is neither a romantic or a sexual partner, that means you cannot grasp the idea that anyone would look at her as something that isnt sexual or romantic. You dont view her as a full person. Period.",,156,formercum,2023-12-17 20:26:37 Feminism,18kp69n,What’s it like to travel out of state for an abortion? Women share their stories.,,https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/whats-it-like-to-travel-out-of-state-for-an-abortion-women-share-their-stories-211710565.html,63,karatecha,2023-12-17 19:34:31 Feminism,18kp75z,FCC moves to help domestic violence victims with new rules around cellphones,,https://www.nbcnews.com/tech/tech-news/fcc-moves-help-domestic-violence-victims-new-rules-cellphones-rcna124902,36,Arivanya,2023-12-17 19:35:33 Feminism,18kiva9,"Women’s contributions are often undervalued and overlooked in male-dominated environments, which could drive women’s underrepresentation in certain academic and professional fields. A better understanding of the “sense of mattering” may shine new light on the reasons for this persistent gender gap.",,https://compass.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/spc3.12907,48,lgramlich13,2023-12-17 14:48:10 Feminism,18kjogw,‘Dangerous for women’: warning as Chileans vote on new draft constitution,,https://www.theguardian.com/world/2023/dec/17/chile-draft-constitution-vote-negative-impacts,31,BurtonDesque,2023-12-17 15:26:59 Feminism,18jwd2c,A Black woman was criminally charged after a miscarriage. It shows the perils of pregnancy post-Roe,,https://nationalpost.com/pmn/health-pmn/black-ohio-woman-criminally-charged-after-miscarriage-underscores-the-perils-of-pregnancy-post-roe-2,704,katespadesaturday,2023-12-16 17:42:50 Feminism,18juxzl,Pregnant Texans Continue to Be Pulled Over in Carpool Lane After Abortion Ruling: 'I Have Two Heartbeats in the Car',,https://themessenger.com/news/pregnant-texans-pulled-over-carpool-lane-abortion-ruling,635,audiomuse1,2023-12-16 16:36:44 Feminism,18jwcil,Why aren't we in the streets?,,/r/prochoice/comments/18jr0ls/why_arent_we_in_the_streets/,150,Lonely_Version_8135,2023-12-16 17:42:02 Feminism,18jcdxo,petition: A Massive Survey Shows Black Americans Are Being Mistreated in Doctors' Offices,It happened to Serena Williams.,https://www.thepetitionsite.com/887/780/873/a-massive-survey-shows-black-americans-are-being-mistreated-in-doctors-offices/,347,shrapnel2176,2023-12-15 22:40:32 Feminism,18jo8d2,"Clara Schumann, Great 19th Century Composer, and Her Internalized Misogyny",,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MSn0WU3L2nw,20,DerpyMcDerpelI,2023-12-16 10:09:48 Feminism,18j3xf7,We Have Mounting Proof That Cruel Men Control Women’s Bodies in Red States,,https://www.thenation.com/article/society/kate-cox-brittany-watts/,396,audiomuse1,2023-12-15 16:26:02 Feminism,18j18zo,"The toxicity of language such as ""im having his baby""","The post about ""we're pregnant"" reminded me of this stuff that's bothered me for years. And it's all connected. When women tell a man she wants to have his baby, or a man says you're having my baby. When people joke ""you're the sperm that won"" And also ""we're pregnant"". All of this feeds into the patriarchal and often misogynistic idea that the baby is the man's, it comes from his sperm, women are just the incubators. It's so bad that I've actually met people who thought the sperm turns into a fetus when it meets the egg, that sperm -> fetus -> baby. And all of this furthers male entitlement over pregnancies - thats HIS sperm, HIS baby! How dare the incubator make any decisions about that on her own! I tend to try to point this out when possible, but I really think we need to do more to curtail this type of language. I'm curious about others' thoughts and if there are any other expressions that also go along with this!",,321,TSllama,2023-12-15 14:24:51 Feminism,18jfa2s,Where to read Andrea Dworkin's works?,"I was wondering where could find them, especially Pornography and Women hating - these books are not anywhere except like eBay (but it's like 50$+ and this other obscure site which is like 80$+). Really want to read them! ",,16,pappermanfan,2023-12-16 00:58:19 Feminism,18j4uif,The women Putin doesn’t want to talk about,,https://www.politico.eu/article/the-women-russia-vladimir-putin-doesnt-want-to-talk-about-ukraine-war/,32,politico_eu,2023-12-15 17:05:58 Feminism,18inomb,Outrage as Twitter runs ads for app creating fake nudes of women,,https://boingboing.net/2023/12/14/outrage-as-twitter-runs-ads-for-app-creating-fake-nudes-of-women.html,450,katespadesaturday,2023-12-15 00:53:21 Feminism,18j7bp0,Poor Things - a Feminist masterpiece,what do you think of Poor Things? I think it’s a better movie about feminism than Barbie,https://youtu.be/FAVnbJ7yJcc?si=jpvEpzUvY5ElgPaI,15,babydriverrr,2023-12-15 18:53:51 Feminism,18ij5sk,"Is something woke if it fails? Or is something woke if it succeeds? When it comes to media and elevating women's rights and equality, is a movie woke if it involves equality? Is it woke if it fails or succeeds in the writing?",,https://i.redd.it/rmovr2kkub6c1.jpg,350,ClaireDacloush,2023-12-14 21:27:15 Feminism,18idqp5,"The ""We're pregnant"" expression is symptomatic of something more sinister","N.B : Please note that what you're about to read applies specifically to cis heterosexual couples. Not to say same sex couples can't show this sort of problematic behavior, but I wanted to particularly discuss the issue from a cis hetero couple angle, as one party is always affected by pregnancy, while the other isn't. I was listening to a podcast where they narrate reddit stories, particularly from the AITA subreddit, when they read a story titled ""AITA for asking my wife to think about the long term effects of her birth plan"" . The post has since been deleted but you can find the body of the text in the comments if you sort them from oldest to newest. Long story short, husband wonders if he's the asshole because he doesn't want his wife to go with a medicated childbirth, worries that it might have side effects on the baby and says he felt ignored during his wife's consultation with her OB-GYN. I was happy to see the comments tearing him a new one, but of course he wasn't happy with them. He even stated in one of the comments that women have been giving birth unmedicated and it's just the natural way of doing things, and that medication may affect that, which is such a stupid point that I will be circling back to in a moment. This post reminded me of the expression ""we are pregnant"" that many couples use when sharing the news. I always found it a bit weird. ""We're expecting"" sounds better and is more realistic. During the pregnancy, only one person is ACTUALLY pregnant. Pregnancy is a medical condition that only a biological female can experience (for the time being at least), why make it sound like it's a joint effort? Replace pregnant with any other medical condition, benign or serious ""We have cancer"", a normal response to that would be ""you each have cancer?"" Because that's what the sentence entails? Right? This is beyond semantics, because this feeling extends far beyond the language used. Pregnancy is treated as a spectacle where everyone feels entitled to chime in, the father feels entitled because that's his child, the grandparents because that's their grandchild, the uncles and aunts because that's their nephew/niece, and meanwhile, the pregnant woman's needs and desires take a step back, so that everyone can enjoy the show. Pregnancy is a medical condition, childbirth is a medical procedure, C-section is a surgery, the OB-GYN is the woman's doctor, and any conversations between them should primarily involve her opinion about her body and the medical choices she makes. No one, not the father of the baby, not the grandparents have the right to have an opinion, or act as if it should be treated the same as the mother's. Once that baby is born, it is an independent human and both parents or guardians have equal rights, but while it's still physically attached to the mother, she gets to call the shots, and her decisions remain undisputed. The husband from the aforementioned story's indignation towards his wife taking meds is laughable, not only will he never have to experience the pain of childbirth, but his claim that childbirth has been largely unmedicated throughout history can also apply to practically every other medical procedure. Would he be fine getting a tooth removed without anesthesia? Would he be fine with a doctor cutting his appendix out with no anesthesia? Of course he wouldn't, and it goes to show just how apathetic men and society are to women's physical pain, and the expectation that we should just toughen up while pushing a human being out of our bodies, just so that the fathers don't have to worry about their newborn being exposed to painkillers. Unless you have scientific data and empirical evidence to prove epidurals are harmful to babies, your unsubstantiated concern is of no value in a birthing room. No, your wife's OB-GYN should not ask YOU what your wife should do with her body, and it's quite telling of those men's fragile egos how they can't handle not being the center of attention all the time. No, YOU didn't make that baby, your wife did. Your contribution is a microscopic sperm during the possible highest point of that day. Your wife's body will forever be changed due to the pregnancy and childbirth, and with all the technological advancements we have today, still risks dying having that child, so you are not putting in the same amount of effort, and are not running the same risk. This obviously speaks to a larger problem at hand, which is the lack of bodily autonomy given to women in general, but this particular angle infuriates me, and I genuinely hope more and more people change their attitudes and treat pregnant women and people with respect, rather than like incubators.",,509,afafe_e,2023-12-14 17:27:08 Feminism,18io0nz,"Our gender and sexuality is not about being a hashtag on pornhub. And the sooner people understand this and stop fetishizing us, the sooner we can move forward.",,https://i.redd.it/cnr3dw1fuc6c1.jpeg,115,ClaireDacloush,2023-12-15 01:10:20 Feminism,18iqh6e,is my school covering a scandal?,"recently my school has had a scandal take place. members of an athletic team were overheard talking about their teams group chat and what lived inside of it. not only did they talk about girls nude photos and videos, but they also listed names and said there were over 30 girls in this chat, all of whom are under 18. Not only did a student overhear this conversation, another student has given the school evidence of one of the athletes admitting to send a video to his teammates. the school has done absolutely nothing. not only were they not suspended, they are also still playing their sport. part of me wishes to reach out to the news with this information? this would not be the first incident covered up by my school. what should i do? #feminism #highschool #maine",,56,Own-Market2324,2023-12-15 03:18:15 Feminism,18igci4,Should I let my 14 year old daughter wear what she wants?,"We went to a concert and she wore a corset top. We have conversations about having to deal with unwanted attention, appropriate clothes for certain situations, and so on. I’ve always thought school dress codes were sexist and in general women should wear what they want and are comfortable with. I’m feeling maybe my daughter is lacking maturity to understand the full implications of societal judgments that will be placed on her? Can you all share some objective perspective?",,140,Difficult_Humor_989,2023-12-14 19:21:46 Feminism,18ib6nk,"In my opinion, Wonder Woman has the most morally-rational mindset when it comes to the issue of whether a superhero should kill.",,https://i.redd.it/8qkzzqdtj56c1.png,276,ClaireDacloush,2023-12-14 15:31:43 Feminism,18iidk5,"Want to see true female courage & strength? This woman in Iran holds up a homemade flag, Iran’s only true flag, Lion & Sun flag & photo of the late Majidreza Rahnavard. An illegal flag. This non-violent civil disobedience by Iranians, why isn’t the world supporting these brave Iranians?",,https://i.redd.it/cv8wsnymlb6c1.jpeg,90,IranicUnity,2023-12-14 20:51:42 Feminism,18iaqnz,the radicalisation of young men on instagram,"**RANT** jesus christ, i’ve had a hellish past 3 days.. so i really like those trending shlawg memes on instagram, and a couple days ago i saw a post calling one of the dogs a ‘raper’ (purposely misspelt) (yes i know it might not seem that deep but if you’re on this subreddit you’ll understand that jokes that may seem harmless like this actually allow spaces for these brain washed young boys to make jokes about rape, as they literally were doing in the comments, saying shit like ‘W rapist’ and ‘blud is doing some rape’ (ruining the wholesome ass silly videos), just like how the N word is being used way more frequently by non-blk people now too because of all these racist meme spaces) and i wrote a very innocent and calm comment talking about how i don’t like the fact they’re joking about rape, keeping in mind i have not posted my opinion under an instagram post in a year and a half because most of the time i am just met with people like this but never at this volume and velocity.. over the past 3 days i’ve had 400+ comments in reply calling me the N word, telling me they’re going to r*pe, body shaming me and telling me i should be silent, private messages of threats and even 3 emails too..?!? all because i said that rape isn’t a joking matter, i really didn’t think that this sort of audience was interacting with the shlawg memes because me and my friends are on the complete opposite moral compass and love these silly bill collector videos, and i didn’t listen with the audio on to also bring up that it was just repeating the N word.. incels don’t understand that dog whistles in ‘jokes’ about important topics such as racism and SA because it doesn’t affect them personally so they can’t comprehend it (there was not one single woman btw and the only time there was is when she was sticking up for me), even the men that it apparently did affect were saying that they didn’t care or that it’s funny which i find really hard to believe (not saying they haven’t been raped i just mean that they’ve commonly used it as a form of weaponisation to say it’s fine to make rape jokes), one got so angry and livid at my comments that he was delusional enough to say that these people aren’t laughing at rape they are laughing at how evil it is and that they are anti-rape, when they were all literally telling me they’re going to rape me and harassing me, i was constantly being told to shut up and gaslit by literal 11-18 year old boys and told not to reply even though i would only reply to like 2 people every couple hours who actually said something that wasn’t just rape, death or racist/ableist slurs, it’s so sociopathic how they keep telling you not to reply so they feel like they have some power over you even though you are just not going to reply to their stupid and unrelated comment regardless, they would call me disrespectful just because they expected me to talk to them so gently to convince them to take rape seriously like you’re not a fucking baby it’s a simple concept to understand!!! how are they going to expect me to respect their immediate opinion when it is at the expense and disrespect of people already?! i hate to think what all these young men will grow up being like.. children under 16 should not be on the internet and this sort of radicalism on corners of the internet that are above surface level are becoming increasingly comfortable with saying outlandish and disturbing shit about rape and racism, these poor little children have such foul mouths regarding these ‘jokes’",https://www.reddit.com/gallery/18iaqnz,170,SillySealEnjoyer,2023-12-14 15:11:05 Feminism,18iqlre,Tampon testing: the troubled history of period products,,https://www.vox.com/the-highlight/23893044/period-tampon-menstrual-cycle-menstruation-cup-pad,15,katespadesaturday,2023-12-15 03:24:50 Feminism,18i04mi,Has anybody else noticed an increase in men obsessing over single women in their 30s?,"My dad is SUPER conservative, and he's been watching yt nonstop. He likes to watch far-right videos about varying topics. The most common ones he watches is about Disney Star Wars, Joe Biden and women. I'm going to try to keep things as short as possible, so I will only try to talk about what I put in title. Recently, he's been watching videos about men talking about how women shouldn't enjoy being single, how women's expectations are so high and they need to be lowered, how women can't handle a man's ego so they need to come up with reasons why men don't like them, and so on. Is this issue getting worse, or is my dad constantly watching these videos just making it seem worse than usual to me. My dad watches TV really loudly (he's hard of hearing) in the kitchen, which is right next to room. He sometime watches these videos till like 11 or 12 at night, even though I have work the next morning. I just can't sleep listening to it because it's so loud and the content makes me so mad. Whenever I try to point out anything about those videos that are wrong he simply won't admit it. He's adamant that non-LGBT white men are society's biggest victims because he thinks that companies are constantly picking BIPOC, LGBT people or women over them. My dad has also made comments like, ""if I were a women and men didn't hit on me, I would be worried that I was ugly."" I was thinking when a man doesn't hit on me I think that lowers my chances of getting raped and murdered.",,719,Peanutbutternjelly_,2023-12-14 04:13:31 Feminism,18ihuqq,What are your thoughts about the porn industry?,"I believe that the porn industry was monopolized by a criminal enterprise (i.e. MindGeek), who profits off of the sexual exploitation of women, but as a criminal organization they have very deep pockets, that they use to control what anyone is allowed to say about them, and made everyone believe it was a feminist position to support the porn industry Has anyone else read the articles about MindGeek in the Globe and Mail or the New York Times? I’d love to hear everyone’s thoughts about these issues Edit: I’m a very sex positive person, and I’m not coming after them from any sort of moral perspective, I’m simply saying that I think they fit the legal definition of a criminal organization",,28,Equivalent_Local_215,2023-12-14 20:28:49 Feminism,18irdm1,Book recommendations to learn more about Feminism?,"I'm still a bit new to this topic and want to learn as much as possible. More specifically, anything on the evolution of feminism throughout human history, the current trends and the impact of feminism in the modern world would be appreciated. Thanks!",,7,Toilet_Cleaner666,2023-12-15 04:06:55 Feminism,18ick83,Dozens of Texas businesses back challenge to abortion ban: ‘This is why our economy is taking a hit’,,https://thehill.com/homenews/state-watch/4360255-texas-abortion-challenge-businesses-economy-bumble-amicus-brief/,53,Ecstatic_Choice_5482,2023-12-14 16:35:02 Feminism,18irmeq,I made a thinkpiece. I want to write more about feminist things that interest me.,"[I want to talk about the portrayals of women in the media, as well as other feminist topics.](https://danielletrujillo.substack.com/p/jennifers-body-and-the-male-gaze?r=1wvpek&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web) Any criticism? ",,2,Gloomy_Living_7532,2023-12-15 04:20:53 Feminism,18ia2tz,Florida abortion rights supporters inch closer to ballot measure threshold,,https://www.axios.com/2023/12/13/florida-abortion-rights-vote-ballot-supreme-court,11,Pikamander2,2023-12-14 14:40:20 Feminism,18i1j4p,Science is Feminine,"&#x200B; [ Evelyn Fox Keller](https://preview.redd.it/nqhua0nu576c1.png?width=685&format=png&auto=webp&s=4a66c10d86d8d5d1ce300f10590f0f8bf0249747) In a heartfelt appreciation of how much Professor Evelyn Fox Keller cared for science, which I began to appreciate thanks to [Professor Vicedo's reflective and reflective-mode inducing obituary](https://doi.org/10.1038/d41586-023-03819-4), which in turn brought me to another obit in [Science](https://doi.org/10.1126/science.adl4472) to learn more about Professor Keller's seminal contribution to science: feminism. &#x200B; If I may, I'd like to begin with empathy. What subjective feelings got to do with objective facts, you might naively ask? I can't wish away my excitement in substantiating the thesis alluded to in the title, which is what makes it real; ain't it? &#x200B; To cut to the chase, Professor Rod MacKinnon did what ""couldn't be done."" How did he do? No new techniques and/or theories. Professor MacKinnon never forgot to care for the wellbeing of his proteins; asking: ""[Are you OK?](https://doi.org/10.1038/418268a)"" at every step of the way was all it took to crystallize transmembrane potassium channels. &#x200B; Divorced from feelings, which are indispensable in conscious pursuit of science, we find ourselves less qualified, by virtue of being less human and more of a zombie, to participate in the practice of science. &#x200B; Next in line to be shown its place: objectivity, which many scientists glorify blissfully ignorant of the indispensability of subjectivity in all of it: science (ever-proper alignment of reason with experience). &#x200B; Simply put, every view is from a viewpoint. There ain't a view from nowhere (scientists, following in the footsteps of failed priests and kings, need to get over their god-complex ;) &#x200B; Scientific theories, along with their models and presentations in symbol strings, that we abstract from a given (category of) particulars are all but [from the perspective of one or another doctrine](http://www.tac.mta.ca/tac/reprints/articles/5/tr5.pdf). F. William Lawvere and Stephen H. Schanuel [Conceptual Mathematics](https://conceptualmathematics.files.wordpress.com/2023/02/conceptualmathematics_frontmatter.pdf) textbook can help scientists see the feminine, i.e. the subjectivity (numbers and their arithmetic are subjective; so is logic and reason), which breathes life anew into science. &#x200B; With heartfelt gratitude for the enlightenment that Professor Evelyn Fox Keller shared with us all, I find myself eager to learn more about the feminine that is science.",,38,posinavrayudu,2023-12-14 05:35:24 Feminism,18i0129,Best feminist musical?,"My favorite musical was RENT but now I’m realizing that internalized sexism (genderism) was so strong that I never realized it’s sexist. Does anyone know musicals where the main lead is a woman and the music is really good? Looking for a new feminist favorite to replace my sexist old favorite. Please help! :) 🎶",,20,CatLoveSun,2023-12-14 04:07:46 Feminism,18huvvn,Nobody is going to say that RWBY is on the same level as FMAB. The people who claim RWBY fans say that are making stuff up. But we do love shows where LGBT female characters take roles typically held by cis white male characters. Same where LGBT relationships are the norm over heteronormativity.,,https://i.redd.it/z2cbf8vzf56c1.png,36,ClaireDacloush,2023-12-13 23:47:20 Feminism,18i186l,Does anyone know who said this?,"The quote may be a little off, but it goes like this ""To myself I was someone who made a difference, but to the world I was just a woman"". I'm curious to know who said this, it's been on my mind ever since I read it, and I must know the woman behind this quote so we can bring her the recognition she deserves, so if anyone knows please, tell her story.",,9,Pretty_princesspie69,2023-12-14 05:16:55 Feminism,18ha88t,Men would rather stop dating women than stop treating women like pieces of meat,"I’m so glad that sexist men would rather stop dating women then stop being sexist and using women for an ego boost and sex object. Women are people just like you I know. That’s so hard to comprehend. It feels like a revolution, I’m so glad women are waking up and these pieces of shit aren’t going to reproduce. If you respected women enough to learn this would not be the case.",,516,Tomcatmax,2023-12-13 06:07:34 Feminism,18hlv6x,"Trae Crowder on Instagram: ""On the awful way Texas responded to one woman’s emergency pregnancy situation. #traecrowder #politicalhumor #seemelive #youknowwherethelinkis""",,https://www.instagram.com/reel/C0xKcHny3zu/?igshid=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==,59,stevelinchin,2023-12-13 17:19:30 Feminism,18he7te,Is Joe Rogan a controversial person?,"I noticed on my bfs Spotify he listens to the Joe Rogan podcast. I Googled him and some not great things came up. Spoke to bf about it and he said 0.01% of things Joe says is bad and the rest is unrelated so he doesn’t listen to the bad stuff. Is he a controversial person like Tate or is it just the odd bad thing?",,112,laurat787,2023-12-13 10:51:42 Feminism,18h6gcl,Rant about pregnant women accepting that men “just don’t get excited until the baby comes”,"So I’m recently pregnant and spending some time on pregnancy related subreddits and I have seen a few posts now about women saying that their husbands aren’t excited about the their ‘wanted’ pregnancies. In todays post the woman says she’s 10 weeks and she showed him the ultrasound and bought a pregnancy pillow she thought she might need later and he dismissed her saying she should calm down, you can’t see anything meaningful on the ultrasound, and it’s too early to buy or do anything pregnancy related He won’t read any books because it’s “too early” and he “doesn’t like to read” Clearly this guy is not a supportive partner- you can be cautious about the prospect of miscarriage without belittling your partners excitement. So sure - this guy sucks but actually I was more pissed at the comments from other women than OPs shitty husband Women said things like “oh this is normal- men just don’t get excited until the baby actually comes” “my husband didn’t get into it or start preparing until i was 35 weeks” “it’s just a man thing since it’s not happening to their body” and other women are just like yeah my husband too. They’ll be more excited once the baby comes Why is this acceptable? Why are men allowed to just not consider what being a parent will be like until they’re literally cleaning poop? How is it that some men are socialized to have no empathy - I can be excited for my best friend to get a new job or have a baby and it’s not even my job or my baby and I know how to feel excited on other people’s behalf even if I don’t feel it for myself. But mostly I just hate that women are collectively saying “yeah that’s normal”. I can’t imagine going through this without my husband also reading all the books and researching car seats and enthusiastically sharing news with family- and being ok with that because indifference is apparently normal",,435,_Aztreonam_,2023-12-13 02:39:48 Feminism,18ha5an,The threat of male violence is used as a tool to oppress women,"If women didn’t have to worry about the threat of male violence we would walk through the world completely differently. Women limit our self expression, and personal freedom because of the fear of men. If we didn’t have to fear them we could go to the bathroom without our drinks, dress how we want, leave our house at night without a chaperon, assert our boundaries go on online dates,and other privileges only men have enjoyed. Even if men don’t participate in street harassment or domestic violence. They don’t seem to want to stop it. The general notion is women should endure these inequalities and limit our personal freedom in order to keep ourselves safe. If not, we deserve what we got. I believe the majority of men don’t want things to change. They see women gaining this privilege as a threat. If women didn’t need to fear male violence men wouldn’t get to say. Women need men for protection, they wouldn’t be able to tell women when they should or shouldn’t go out. They wouldn’t be able to tell women what’s safe or unsafe to wear. they wouldn’t be able to intimidate us when they don’t get their way. And they wouldn’t be able to mansplain how women should or shouldn’t protect themselves. The idea of the threat of male violence disappearing seems to be seen as a threat to man’s status in society. TLDR The treat of male violence is a tool to limit women’s freedom and maintain power over us.",,189,Emergency-Internal88,2023-12-13 06:02:24 Feminism,18h98uj,Men's misogynistic categorizations of women,"I'm sure we've seen men on the internet talk about women on scales from 1-10 and determine whether or not they're ""wifey material."" Lately, it's been bothering me a lot. Men rarely make platonic or non-sexual connections with women because, to them, ""feminine interests bad"" (and it's easier to connect with people with similar lived experiences, but still there's a reason misogyny is rampant in male circles). Women, to them, are another species that they don't know how to talk with. We're not equals to them, but objects of desire that fulfill a need the patriarchy expects them to fulfill. This makes it easy for men to put women in boxes and rank them on traits they perceive as important, like the 1-10 scale that men ALWAYS bring up when talking about women. I don't know about you, but I think that being called a number is dehumanizing. The same applies to the ""wifey"" vs. ""not wifey"" categories and ""VSCO girls,"" ""e-girls"" and ""Instagram hoes."" From my observations, men are FAR more likely to throw these broad labels on women than women are to men. Notice that women are also more likely to pursue non-romantic relationships with men than the opposite. Yes, these online categories may seem minor, but are another way that men dehumanize women. ",,116,Internal-Cut-4027,2023-12-13 05:08:01 Feminism,18hb4tv,Periods,"Sorry, I just had to get on here and say I HATE HAVING PERIODS. I’m lying in bed rn and I can’t fall asleep because it feels like a spiked ball is rolling around in my fucking uterus. Granted my cramps aren’t unbearable every single month but THIS MONTH has me rethinking if I even want to keep my uterus. Had a butt cramp earlier too… I grabbed the sink and wall for dear life when I felt it coming on. I also had work today (wfh) and my micromanaging male boss kept asking me “are you okay, you don’t seem like yourself, did I make you angry”… I literally wanted to scream and say “I AM BLEEDING FROM MY VAGINA, MY STOMACH IS BURNING, I FEEL LIGHTHEADED AND I HAVE A CONSTANT URGE TO SHIT.” Instead I had to act like I wasn’t in constant pain, and reassure him that I wasn’t being passive aggressive or something… I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. God I feel disgusting.",,40,Tienshinhan_,2023-12-13 07:07:16 Feminism,18gj28n,The cruelty is the point.,,https://i.redd.it/cuh8tx3dsr5c1.jpg,909,griftertm,2023-12-12 10:38:20 Feminism,18gt3kr,Missouri Republicans propose bills to allow murder charges for women who get abortions,,https://www.stltoday.com/news/local/government-politics/missouri-republicans-propose-bills-to-allow-murder-charges-for-women-who-get-abortions/article_53b406c0-95c4-11ee-a67d-9339832ec1a0.html,150,audiomuse1,2023-12-12 18:45:35 Feminism,18gt2zl,"One of Iran’s top surgeons, Fatemeh Rajaeirad who refused to wear Hijab at her honoring ceremony in Amol is expelled from Babol University of Medical Sciences where she was a professor. Regime jailed and tortured her for it. She did face reconstruction surgeries for victims, for free.",She is a hero for all women.,,111,IranicUnity,2023-12-12 18:44:58 Feminism,18hcl8v,Instagram problems,"Anyone else have an issue with instagram’s way of handling mysoginist comment? Like When I made a comment that wasn’t even spam like on a femanist insta, it was like we’re sorry it counts as spam but when I report hate speech (even ones that mention violence) if a male posted it, they’re like it meets all our guidelines. Anyone else notice that instagram refuses to do anything with hate speech, just says it meets our guidelines especially mysoginistic hate speech?",,8,Charrise,2023-12-13 08:53:15 Feminism,18gte1l,How do you handle female friends who are pickmes and tradwives?,Their constant putting down of women and consistently making bad choices and then cribbing about the unfairness of it all. Its getting on my nerves. How do I help them see their misogyny? Or at least make them accept their flawed choices and stop the trauma dumping on me? Or should I ditch the friendship entirely because some people can't/won't change? Its a constant struggle to hear the trauma dumping and trying to point out examples of their own internalized misogyny.,,102,According_Bad_8473,2023-12-12 18:57:58 Feminism,18gwb47,Rally for Kate,,https://i.redd.it/5gs5lvbohx5c1.png,58,Secure-Pizza-3025,2023-12-12 21:02:29 Feminism,18guq5y,Health impacts of abuse more extensive than previously thought,,https://www.birmingham.ac.uk/news/2023/health-impacts-of-abuse-more-extensive-than-previously-thought-research-says,66,lgramlich13,2023-12-12 19:54:25 Feminism,18gentc,Kate Cox’s quote of how she “never thought she’d be in this situation” made me think of women who become pro-choice only when they themselves need an an abortion.,"A disclaimer to say that I don’t know her politics and wouldn’t allow myself to judge based on that one quote in a Washington Post video alone. But let’s not fool ourselves into thinking that there are not many, MANY women who think abortions are bad only to turn around when they personally need one and their own future is on the line. And there are also plenty of women who had an abortion when they were young and now say they want to “help younger women not make their mistakes.” It’s never too late to join the pro-life club but this story was a reminder of how shitty it is that some are pro-life until they need an abortion themselves. We shouldn’t differentiate (and judge) between abortions when the baby’s or the mother’s life is at stake as somehow more virtuous compared to one’s where the mother just isn’t ready. Being able to decide whether to carry a fetus is a matter of human dignity and it’s wrong to put conditions on that.",,581,[deleted],2023-12-12 05:31:34 Feminism,18gqm2b,"Kate Cox exposes the ‘pro-life’ politics of death, fear and control",,https://www.msnbc.com/opinion/msnbc-opinion/kate-cox-abortion-case-exposes-texas-supreme-court-rcna129160,59,AlysonBurgers,2023-12-12 17:00:59 Feminism,18h459u,Here's a good reason to vote BLUE: The next step among anti-abortion extremists is to prosecute every woman who ordered abortion pills by mail if a Republican becomes president.,,/r/prochoice/comments/18gyjhg/heres_a_good_reason_to_vote_blue_the_next_step/,10,Lonely_Version_8135,2023-12-13 01:18:41 Feminism,18gjzku,Am I being overly sensitive?,"A group of work colleagues were discussing police over a beer. It was pretty casual and we were sharing stories about police being not great. One colleague said something about how his police friends say the general public don't understand how hard their job is because they have to live with knowing that there are guilty murderers etc walking free. I said ask ANY woman and we fucking know that there are guilty people walking free (, referencing sexual violence). He then said ""well I believe in innocent until proven guilty"". Another colleague told a story about how his friend went to the cops after an assault and they didn't believe her etc. I am really upset about his comment because when I was young I experienced sexual violence but I know the men will never be found guilty, but that doesn't make them ""innocent"" either. Is it worth following up with him?? Or should I let it go?",,103,Inevitable_Bobcat_56,2023-12-12 11:39:44 Feminism,18gqy99,Kari Lake wanted Arizona to pass 'carbon copy' of Texas abortion law at center of legal fight,,https://www.azcentral.com/story/news/politics/arizona/2023/12/12/kari-lake-wanted-arizona-to-pass-a-carbon-copy-of-texas-abortion-law/71885541007/,31,audiomuse1,2023-12-12 17:14:52 Feminism,18gjrxi,"""Texas Supreme Court rules against woman who sought abortion hours after she says she’ll travel out of state""",,/r/LateStageCapitalism/comments/18garlc/texas_is_evil_death_to_texas_texas_supreme_court/,70,Iccotak,2023-12-12 11:25:48 Feminism,18g171f,I stand with Kate,,https://i.redd.it/r5afdmagrp5c1.png,566,Secure-Pizza-3025,2023-12-11 19:03:28 Feminism,18giydr,Rina Gonoi: Three Japanese ex-soldiers found guilty of sexual assault,,https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-67688678,22,BurtonDesque,2023-12-12 10:30:34 Feminism,18gkjsg,Seeking feminist rants,"Hi feminist fellows, I am passionate about starting feminist conversations in my circles and in areas where feminist perspectives may not get aired. Unfortunately I struggle to articulate myself well and have ADHD so get overwhelmed often in these situations. I need help. Once I read something that is well articulated I am able to remember it and remember the points. And bring my own understating to it, But I can’t find many punchy feminist rants that meet this need. As such i am looking for someone to unload some pent up rage and articulate their feminist rant, or, where I can find some some well researched/articulated feminist rants. Bonus points if they cover the following topics: Why it’s important to educate women about their anatomy (including sexual pleasure and the clit) and why not doing this is a problem The impact of male based medicine (and car safety?) on women’s wellbeing How casual sexism contributes to violence against women Anything on men interrupting women and the impact of this/ mansplaining Period poverty Any other feminist topics you feel like?",,14,Equivalent-Window-68,2023-12-12 12:14:23 Feminism,18g8ri6,Should I file a complaint?," My husband and I flew a major airline across the country (US). We had a connection and they changed planes and automatically changed everyone's seats for the much larger plane. I had used extra points to ensure that we were seated together and in a good spot but didnt notice that the tickets now had us not seated together. We were not notified. We only realized when I moved to sit in my row and he was assigned a seat 10 rows away from me. There was a man flight attendant, older, like in his late 50's. I flag him down and explain that my husband and I were reassigned further apart and I want to sit with him. The flight attendant says, ""Maybe your husband sitting far away isn't an accident! yuk yuk"" The man seated in the row behind me starts laughing and I got pretty angry saying that I don't find misogyny funny. The flight attendant takes me to the row my husband is seated and we sit together. He doesn't apologize or say anything more to me and I am still rather angry about it. Like, you don't know why we are flying, you don't know anything about us and you think it is funny to intimate that my husband is trying to get away from me and also humiliate me for the benefit and entertainment of other men? FFFFF you. I've been thinking about filing a complaint. Would you do this? Should I just drop it? WWYD?",,47,whenth3bowbreaks,2023-12-12 00:22:28 Feminism,18fs5kb,Is my mom babying my dad or am I just being stupid and radical,"For all I can remember, I’ve been watching my mom cook and clean for me, my brother, and my father. She‘s around 46 years old, so she’s definitely spent a good while doing this. when I visited back home and checked up in them, I saw my mom cleaning the dishes, again. I told her that I really disliked seeing her as that, and that she should try being more independent, try letting my dad wash the dishes, try letting my brother clean his clothes, try to fold her own clothes and towels. She gave me a really bad glare for a moment before saying, “Why should I do that? I’ve been cooking and cleaning ever since I could walk! Im not stopping now! I wouldn’t even know what to do!” I not really surprised, my mom loves my dad (maybe) despite all the havoc he causes around the house, of course she doesn’t want to anger him (which frankly, I really get considering my childhood memories of him), but I just feel as if she could so much more. Every so often she’ll tell me a story from her childhood and when she was single, and I just feel as if she should’ve stayed the party girl she always wanted to be instead of meeting up with my dad. So. Am I being dumb? Or is my mom right?",,151,Darkgirlmew,2023-12-11 11:08:42 Feminism,18fzv2g,"‘They violated our rights’: Chile’s draft constitution fails women, say activists",,https://www.theguardian.com/global-development/2023/dec/11/human-rights-protests-chile-draft-constitution-fails-women-abortion-rights-equality,34,BurtonDesque,2023-12-11 17:35:11 Feminism,18fy8v9,Machismo vs Toxic Masculinity??,"I am a US native. I moved to Central Mexico a week and a half ago and will be here for about 6 months. Before leaving I tried to look up the difference between machismo versus toxic masculinity but didn't find any good explanations (it looks like the links to articles previously shared in this sub are broken). After 10 days here, my sense is that toxic masculinity in the US is more in your face--men are less likely to hide their views and are entitled right off the bat. It seems like in Mexico men are very flattering, accommodating, and gracious. But when you spend more time with them they make jokes or treat you in such a way that you can tell they think women are weak. For example, I was hanging out with some people last night, and the men were joking with pronouns (if you don't know, in Spanish, nouns and adjectives are gendered) and basically calling each other girls/women/sissies in a pejorative way. In the same evening, I had my car door opened for me and I was ""protected"" from a car while we were crossing the street. (The latter is my pet peeve with the rare man in the US--my ex used to insist on walking between me and traffic and I found it extremely offensive.) Are my impressions of the difference between machismo and toxic masculinity accurate? Can anyone else chime in and help me understand the culture here? Apologies in advance for spelling errors. My phone doesn't appreciate being bilingual these days.",,44,Maple-Chester,2023-12-11 16:19:02 Feminism,18g7het,“Pop culture detective” YouTube recommendation,"Maybe I’ve been living under a rock, but if you guys haven’t seen this channel I really can’t stress enough that it’s a must-see for not only people interested in feminism, but everyone. The channel creator emphasizes a slew of tropes involving women in media and he’s able to perfectly articulate the problems women face both yesterday and today. His video “Born sexy yesterday”, struck me to my core.",,9,Soffkitten,2023-12-11 23:22:42 Feminism,18g4tfx,Thoughts on representation on TV show ‘League of Their Own’?,"Hi all I’ve never used Reddit because and only made an account to ask this question, so please tell me if this is better suited in a different community. Also worth noting that this question might make more sense to a UK audience. I was having dinner with a friend today, and in the background we had on ‘League of Their Own’. I’ve never watched the show before, but understand that it’s a comedy panel game show about sport. Jill Scott, who was captain of the Lionesses (England Women’s team) before recently retiring, is a captain on the show as of this year. My friend (a man) said that they could have done a better job at representing women on this show because Jill is the ‘manliest woman’ he knows. When I pressed what he meant, he said that she jokes like she’s ‘one of the lads’ and she’s a lesbian. In regards to the latter, I inferred he meant that because she’s a lesbian, she therefore must have more in common with the cis-het men that watch the show (also an assumption) than should be expected of a woman captain there to ‘break down stereotypes’. So he essentially implied that a woman's sexual orientation affects her ability to represent women. He said, ‘if we’re talking about breaking down stereotypes, surely Jill isn’t the woman to pick?’ He thinks that if they had chosen a woman who was more ‘stereotypically feminine’ it would have done more for representation than having Jill be captain does. Now, I take issue with all of this and said as much to my friend. I asked him ‘but say they had chosen someone you deem more stereotypically feminine, would the tv show not be pandering to chauvinist expectations of what it is to be a woman?’ But he didn’t give me an answer to this. I didn’t entertain the conversation after this because I’m not great at explaining thoughts like this on the spot and didn’t want to get side swept but someone who is. So to bullet point some thoughts/questions: - He fails to consider that Jill’s personality and approach may resonate with a broader audience and actually her being there has little to do with ‘representation’ and all to do with *her*. To me, Jill seems more than qualified for the job. She’s funny and as a ex sportswoman, likely knows her stuff RE sport. But also, it’s not that deep even if she isn’t the biggest sports buff because it’s a silly game show at the end of the day. - To suggest she is like a man because she is a lesbian is homophobic and an erasure of lesbian identity. - His viewpoint overlooks the diversity of women's experiences and reinforces a narrow view of femininity and womanhood. - Why does Jill have this assumed responsibility of breaking down stereotypes anyway? Why does she have to do all this extra work? Can’t she just be funny like the men? I came on here to ask for opinions so that I could readdress this with my friend more confidently, but I think writing it all down has helped nyway. Would still love to get more thoughts.😊",,12,walnutfiasco,2023-12-11 21:30:42 Feminism,18flwom,"Extremely frustrating conversation with male friends about feminism, need advice.","I had an extremely frustrating conversation with three male friends of mine about feminism. It all started with us talking about this stupid Bollywood movie called Animal and the topic of feminism came up. And they started talking about how women use the feminism card for things to get away with anything and that there is no need for it, everyone gets equal pay for it. I tried to explain how maybe for privileged kids like us (we study in the UK and are from India) it might feel like that, but there is an absolute need and you need to understand the basic definition of feminism before you talk. And then they went on to talk about how women use feminism to go out late that night because if men can do it, why can't we. And then they can't defend themselves when things turn dark. Then conversation only got uglier. The topic about pre marrital sex came up and he tried to give me the example of his female friend friend who got into trouble with a wrong person and she'd had sex with him even though he was married. Before he mentioned the married part, he asked if it's okay that they had sex. And I said of course, if there's consent from both ends, pre marrital sex totally fine. And all hell broke lose. He lost his mind, he was like call your parents up right now and tell him you're okay with having sex. (My parents are pretty conservative so of course they wouldn't approve.) So I said it's my choice what I do with my body. And he was like your parents could have thrown you in the garbage when you were born but they didn't right. I told him there's no logic to what he's saying. He then explained that having sex is like smoking, the more you have it the more addicted you get and that people who have sex before marriage will definitely cheat on their spouse. The conversation was going no where and I told him let's just agree to disagree. And he ended it with saying I'm definitely going to get cheated on and he will not take my side when that happens. I left feeling extremely frustrated and shameful that these are the friends I've made. I felt ganged up and I left like I let down my gender because I couldn't argue as well because I was extremely frustrated and overwhelmed by the utter nonsense being said to me. I feel awful. Today was the last day of my masters and I feel so bad that these are the people in my life. I don't know what do it next, do I cut these people off? Do I demand an apology cause I'm pretty sure I won't get one.",,221,Garden_Girl17,2023-12-11 04:09:32 Feminism,18gix79,Can abortion pills destroy fertility?,,https://youtube.com/shorts/2kDsks-PerY?feature=share,0,Defiant_Pirate2700,2023-12-12 10:28:29 Feminism,18fyfw6,10 min action: Set up automated texts to Biden,,/r/EqualRightsAmendment/comments/18fyd44/10_min_action_set_up_automated_texts_to_biden/,8,imaginenohell,2023-12-11 16:27:19 Feminism,18g0fo2,What are radfem views on modeling?,i’m talking about stuff like miss universe etc,,4,lovelytinyguns,2023-12-11 18:32:47 Feminism,18f85l5,"As a straight woman, do you find it difficult to find feminist partners?","I'm going to have to start asking more questions upfront with the people I date to avoid something like this. My bf goes on about double standards about how guys are expected to pay & drive but fails to acknowledge the challenges woman face. He also likes bringing up ""if roles were reversed"" arguments. I've acknowledged how the patriarchy harms both men and women. He says nothing in response when I bring up how household chores and child care still fall on women a majority of the time even when they also work. He also says women want equality unless ""inconvenient"". He doesn't believe in pay gaps and chalks it up to women choosing lower paying jobs but also doesn't see that historically women dominated careers have been undervalued. He believes in bodily autonomy and he thinks it's fair to split bills, chores, etc. He also recognizes the world is not very safe for women. He of course believes women can do any occupation and are equally capable of anything. He really has a thing against the sprinkle sprinkle girls, he also doesn't condone people on the other side of the spectrum like Andrew Tate. I told him on one side there's human trafficking and the other there's people who value financial stability and are upfront about being materialistic so the two aren't very comparable. I said people use people some might be after looks and only physical things and some might be after something else. He shrugged it off. All of this isn't outright sexist I suppose, but his mindset is warped and I feel he is ignorant of the world we live in. I've sent studies, told him my experiences and nothing is enough to convince him. Many guys my age have this mentality. I've moved around so often and I can't escape it. Anyone else have this trouble?",,272,sospaghettn,2023-12-10 17:10:17 Feminism,18f1mrp,"Kate Cox can't get abortion for now, Texas Supreme Court court says, halting judge's OK",I hope someone can help her go on a ski trip for a vacation. I hear Colorado is great this time of year.,https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2023/12/09/texas-abortion-lawsuit-kate-cox-abortion-ruling/71862324007/,705,griftertm,2023-12-10 11:29:22 Feminism,18f43sl,Am I radical for probably dumping by boyfriend for not seeing any problem with patriarchy?,He claims he is „konservative“ and men have it so difficult in today’s society. Also wants me to be a housewife. It makes me angry,,387,VirusNo9513,2023-12-10 13:54:24 Feminism,18fciln,"Patriarchy, sexual abuse and the unfairness of our own psychology (TX sexual assault and rape).","TW again. I’m really frustrated about how our own psychology seems to betray us. Some responses to sexual abuse include hypersexuality and the development of kinks associated with the abuse we have suffered. Often these kinks are masochistic in nature and involve degradation and humiliation. It makes me endlessly angry that not only do women have to deal with the negative psychological ramifications of abuse, but to also incur physiological changes that forever alter their relationship with sex too. So much so that many women become aroused by acts associated with their abuse and therefore seek the same maltreatment that they previously experienced. Even worse, men into sexual sadism often do not practise it ethically, so an even greater risk of retraumisation can occur. The idea of a misogynist partaking in his depraved desires towards a woman he detests in order to humiliate her makes me so disgusted. The idea of a woman partaking in this dynamic because of a previous sexual abuse makes me want to explode. Where is the fairness and where is the justice? If feels like men get rewarded for victimising us. It just makes me so angry. Fighting your PTSD is bad enough, but fighting your own arousal too? Desiring to do things sexually that you never even wanted to in the first place and that were forced on you? What’s more frustrating is that this seems to happen with men more than women; after abuse, men become more **sadistic** generally, not masochist. And all in all it moves the needle towards greater sexual sadism towards women, and women further being mistreated. It just makes me feel like our own psychology is helping to groom us in a way. Can’t abuse women victims get a break? Why does this have to be the way our brains try and cope? Can’t we just get back to the people we could have been before being interferred with. Honestly, our brains need an upgrade because this is bs. Obviously this post isn’t intended to kink shame. I would just like to know other people’s thoughts. [Source](https://sexualhealthalliance.com/nymphomedia-blog/how-kink-can-be-used-to-heal-from-sexual-trauma) + [source](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1158136021000888).",,108,IHaveABigDuvet,2023-12-10 20:26:51 Feminism,18fe4bx,"Texas Justice Arrested 37 Times Protesting at Clinics, Currently on Court (Texas Tribune)",,/r/TheIntellectualist/comments/18fduf1/texas_justice_arrested_37_times_protesting_at/,39,Intellectualist_,2023-12-10 21:38:36 Feminism,18fgb6o,"Man Throws Album At Girls' Generation's Taeyeon, Demands She Gives Him Her Phone Number",,https://www.koreaboo.com/news/girls-generation-taeyeon-scary-fan-sign-man-security/,24,Gloomy_Living_7532,2023-12-10 23:17:58 Feminism,18fb5g9,Younge Iranian women lined up to greet US President Nixon’s 1972 Trip to Iran,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/18fb53i,49,IranicUnity,2023-12-10 19:26:40 Feminism,18fcjxk,I have a feeling there is something very morally wrong with Girlfriend ASMR,"I (16M) used to and still listen to Girlfriend ASMR, only the non-live action ones too! I think something is wrong with this kind of content and \*really\* want to hear some thoughts on this, so I can have more specific insight into why. I'd also like to apologize, for how I keep watching/listening to this stuff. I don't like how I keep trying to immerse myself in this fantastical world of lies all the time. I'm sorry What I assume right know is it contributes to my internal feeling of romantic and sexual entitlement. I also feel like it perpetrates how I subconsciously think that long-term romance will somehow give me a ""happy ending"" of sorts. I wanna see some more discussion on this issue",,15,SoarNsquid,2023-12-10 20:28:31 Feminism,18en1vu,Firefighters caught taking pics of dead women’s underwear and rating it weekly,"This is a new thing exposed recently. Basically title. When they got caught and the group-chat was exposed many of them said it was not a big deal they did not hurt anyone it was just some fun. Even in death women are not safe from being sexualized. And feminism is not needed?. Why are men so depraved i dont get it. https://nypost.com/2023/02/01/uk-firefighters-accused-of-taking-photos-of-women-who-died-in-car-crashes/amp/",,1040,Other-Stop7953,2023-12-09 21:04:20 Feminism,18f759j,Discrimination During Pregnancy May Alter Circuits in Infants’ Brains,,https://www.cuimc.columbia.edu/news/discrimination-during-pregnancy-may-alter-circuits-infants-brains,26,lgramlich13,2023-12-10 16:24:14 Feminism,18fa963,The Guardian view on sexual violence in conflict: an unending crime that can be tackled,The Guardian view on sexual violence in conflict: an unending crime that can be tackled,https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/dec/10/the-guardian-view-on-sexual-violence-in-conflict-an-unending-that-can-be-tackled?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_Other,11,mhicreachtain,2023-12-10 18:46:03 Feminism,18ee1a2,Why is taliban's women oppression not given atmost importantce in the media?,"Women and children are DENIED EDUCATION and are avoided from the public. They are sometimes PUNISHED FOR BEING RAPED. Sold off as a commodity. Denied education but also can visit only female doctors... the hypocrisy. Sometimes married off to the rapists. Forced to stay with the abuser. Denied divorce rights. Denied public access. Married of young. Cant go out alone without a man. Arent allowed to drive. Denied lots of rights. This is what i have found from several articles. Why is it not discussed in the mainstream media? Why is the conditions not changing?",,424,[deleted],2023-12-09 13:51:24 Feminism,18ep6lt,Is it okay for me to feel hurt by the way my mom raised me as still defends it?,"I feel so torn about some of the ideas my mother drilled into my head growing up. I feel as if I am overreacting as they were all, I guess, ""minor"" things. But the affect they had on me was not minor. I remember one time when I was 13 we were going to a family gathering, and I wore a pair of skinny jeans I loved because they were comfortable and a t-shirt over that. My mom said that I had to change my clothes, as my t-shirt wasn't covering my butt and that was inappropriate. I was confused and asked why it mattered as everyone was family. To which her answer was to scream at me until I cried and forced to change my clothes. That was one of those first moments where I felt that my body was something provocative that needed to be hidden, no matter who may be around. My mom would also never let me wear shorts, even when I was practically a child. I remember wanting to wear shorts like my friends because the summer heat was so uncomfortable and I didn't understand why all my friends could wear them and not me. My mom often told me that I was taller and looked older/more developed than my peers, which would attract perverted men. She told me I wouldn't be able to protect myself against them and their gaze, therefore it was better to not dress in ways that could attract them. This gave me really bad paranoia and for years I was convinced that every man was out to get me and I was overly aware of my body at all times. When I talk to my mom about these things, she says that she would repeat them if I were a child again. She doesn't have a problem with me wearing the clothes I want anymore, she even picks out shorts, skirts and crop tops etc. for me. Her reasoning is back then I wouldn't be able to protect myself, and now I am grown enough to make my own decisions. (I am 20). I know that my mom did these things because she was terrified of something horrible happening to me, but it also really, really effected me psychologically growing up. I would be ready to forgive my mom if only she could acknowledge how much she hurt me but she is adamant that it was the right thing to do. I want to ask you all, was there a better way? Was my mom right? Have I been overreacting? Thank you so much if you read this and I'm very interested in your answers. &#x200B;",,61,LSD-Chemist,2023-12-09 22:47:11 Feminism,18eue55,Advice and Venting - Abortion,"Advice and Venting - Hello, I am just writing this post to get some advice. I am 3 weeks pregnant now, and I have an appointment for Dec 22nd, and I will be going through a medical abortion. The thing is i have to do mandatory airline travelling on 24th(9:20pm) to go back home, and I can't let my parents know. I can't skip this, so I am considering a surgical route as well. I will be 4.8 weeks pregnant on the day of the appointment, so I really hope i can get surgical route. Any advice, reassurance is appreciated. Please.",,16,Signal-Airport-5106,2023-12-10 03:24:07 Feminism,18eqf64,40 mn women face prolong health issues after childbirth every year: Lancet,,https://www.business-standard.com/health/40-mn-women-face-prolong-health-issues-after-childbirth-every-year-lancet-123120900336_1.html,28,lgramlich13,2023-12-09 23:47:46 Feminism,18emjdm,AI can predict intimate partner femicide from variables extracted from legal documents,,https://www.psypost.org/2023/12/ai-can-predict-intimate-partner-femicide-from-variables-extracted-from-legal-documents-214914,40,katespadesaturday,2023-12-09 20:39:39 Feminism,18egtc8,"Study identifies four predictors of prejudice towards childfree individuals: right-wing authoritarianism, political beliefs, collective narcissism, and religiosity.",,https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/38037481/,72,lgramlich13,2023-12-09 16:11:44 Feminism,18et0ea,Algorithmic Ad Blocking Limits Information About Abortion In Colombia,,https://www.forbes.com/sites/christinero/2023/12/09/algorithmic-ad-blocking-limits-abortion-information-in-colombia/?sh=6d21a5a93137,7,Jojuj,2023-12-10 02:04:41 Feminism,18edrhx,Texas Supreme Court pauses lower court's order allowing pregnant woman to have an abortion - despite fatal fetal anomaly.,,https://apnews.com/article/texas-abortion-ban-supreme-court-decision-10767891a475e7ce2c82b1404450908a,46,UR_NEIGHBOR_STACY,2023-12-09 13:36:46 Feminism,18e0hcf,There is evidence that vaginal and pelvic muscles become stronger the more frequently a woman has sex.,"Despite what misogynist might say in terms of saying that having a lot of sex can cause a women to loosen you up, studies have actually shown that having more frequent sex as a woman can actually tone those muscles lol. https://www.secretwhispers.co.uk/blogs/the-dribble/does-sex-help-strengthen-pelvic-floor-muscles#:~:text=Yes%2C%20sex%20does%20help%20strengthen,tone%20of%20their%20pelvic%20floors. Just would like to share this here as we are all taking turns breaking down internalized misogyny.",,500,kornfreakonaleash,2023-12-09 00:02:26 Feminism,18dowgt,"Blobby and Friends made a comic on ""Its a man's job"". I never understood who came up with that phrase, or why people embrace it. Source link in comments",,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/18dowgt,469,ClaireDacloush,2023-12-08 15:11:51 Feminism,18dzqmo,is it a coincidence that wealthy and powerful men are calling for 3 women university presidents to be ousted?,"I don't want this post to be viewed as support for any wrongdoing, it's not. I am a humanitarian and pacifist, and I loathe all violence, as well as hateful acts and speech. So, this is not commentary about either side of the Israel-Hamas war - only about the impact on college campuses in the US. I've followed what the University of Pennsylvania's president- new this year - has done and said over the past few months, and it is not what her critics claim. Likewise, the Harvard and MIT presidents were put in lose- lose situations. Nothing they said in response to college demonstrations would have pleased all sides. My suspicion is that these 3 are being singled out as scapegoats, and it could be because they're women.",,85,Entire-Ad2551,2023-12-08 23:26:40 Feminism,18dto4z,how come women deliberately want to get married and have children? or overall the traditional housewife life?,"traditionally speaking femininity is supposed to be having kids settling being a housewife etc etc. to this day of course many people still want that. many of my friends do and they always get excited talking about kids, etc. for reference im 17 and a girl and the thought of marriage not only scares me, but the thought of having children disgusts me. I fully understand why people think like I do but I cannot for the life of me understand why people don’t think the way I do. I don’t get how people have those maternal instincts and want it over a career etc. I don’t want to shame anyone even though I sometimes do end up looking down on such opinions; but I really want to understand as well how that “femininity” is powerful. absolutely no hate at all this is just something I’ve been curious about and struggling to understand for a while. EDIT - thank you so much for the responses everyone. I’ll try to read through them and try understanding you guys’ points of views. I’m also really happy you guys aren’t being mean to me about this. Thank you! EDIT 2 - HAHA for reference I watched the Mona Lisa Smile last night and it had me thinking greatly ",,94,Master-Wolf-2027,2023-12-08 18:49:52 Feminism,18e14pk,found out the guy i was dating assaulted my friend,"i don't even know what to feel right now. it all makes sense but also nothing does lol. my (18f) now ex (17m) exposed himself to our friend (25mtf). i feel like a fucking failure calling myself a feminist and unknowingly dating a assaulter. my now ex is also a cybercriminal who the FBI has investigated! and I let him use my phone bc the State Bureau of Investigation confiscated his and I don't know if he is spying on me through it. oh, to top it all off, he has evaded prison because of several high-status family members! So if she does report, I highly doubt any consequences are coming his way and he will retaliate against us. ugh.",,27,manifestamour,2023-12-09 00:35:21 Feminism,18dqi7u,"Feminist mural seen in Bogota, Colombia",,https://i.redd.it/3enxix7jk35c1.jpg,88,Everything4Everyone,2023-12-08 16:25:55 Feminism,18dn0n8,"Israel Gaza: Hamas raped and mutilated women on 7 October, BBC hears",Corroborated by the BBC. Waiting for more mainstream condemnation.,https://www.bbc.com/news/world-middle-east-67629181,82,Motor-Ad-2024,2023-12-08 13:38:49 Feminism,18dilra,Collective madness happening in Korea,"There is nothing more disgusting than when “racists” pretend to be peace. The facts of this drama are as follows. Korean incels claimed that the finger shape of the character “Angelic Buster” from Maple Story was “male-hating.” Naturally, most women and some normal men refuted this as ridiculous and far-fetched. So what is the evidence that incels are talking about? Here's the evidence they say: We need to check her Twitter, where incels have pointed her out as a feminist. &#x200B; https://preview.redd.it/unymnmuaa15c1.jpg?width=1920&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6c3658690054911d9915a4b6db36f04368bc9dd0 >Incels: The Angelic Buster's finger gesture is a symbol of male hatred used in the past by a radical feminist group called Megalia. > >Women and some men: Why are the characters' fingers mocking male genitalia? So is everything that bends a finger feminist? It is a cruel witch hunt. > >Incels: She claimed to be a feminist. > >Women and some men: What do feminists have to do with finger gestures? Even women who pride themselves on being active feminists react to this controversy as absurd. It's been over 5 years since Megalia disappeared. Moreover, among women who support feminism in surveys, less than 0.8% have Megalian tendencies. Anyway, then, what do you think about ***“chewing gum tag""*** ,” a word that has been mocking the breast size of Korean women for over 20 years? Are the gum chewing scenes misogynistic? Women have never once claimed that gum chewing scenes are misogynistic. And when you think about it, are you forgetting the history and current progress of your hatred of women? There isn't a single man who points that out. > >Incels: She insisted she would continue her feminist work ""subtly and quietly."" > >Women and some men: What I mean is, it's ridiculous to interpret that statement as mocking men with the shape of a finger. Check the date. This is the day the progressive candidate lost in last year's presidential election. That day, most women were tweeting pledges to continue feminist activities in the future. > >Incels: So, this is a sneak peek of evidence\~\~ Check out the finger-shaped animation so far. > >Women and some men: Why is that evidence? > >(infinite repetition) And now self-proclaimed pacifist incels are attempting a witch hunt against the illustrator of “Genshin Impact” by claiming she is a feminist. Her self-proclaimed pacifist incels are attacking her with all kinds of sexual harassment and her cruel abuse. And incels are making donations under the guise of pacifism. >**For reference, the groups that these incels hate are as follows : Women, disabled people, black people, cats, dog, foreign workers, environmentalists, workers, low income group, labor rights groups, labor rights struggles, men in their 40s, men in their 586th generation, LGBT, men who opposes violence against women, men washing dishes, men who are sweet to women, socially disadvantaged, liberal people, etc,** We will be able to see right away who Korean incels hate. And we will be able to know their tendencies. The anti-feminism of Korean incels is like taking some radical black human rights activists hostage and hating all black people. Surprisingly, Korean incels actually have a strong hatred for black people. The “hatred against black people” revealed in the recent Korean webtoon “Get Schooled” is only part of the hatred against black people that frequently occurs in the Korean male community. The reality is that in the communities they use, posts ridiculing women and black people are uploaded several times a day. And in Korea, if you support the black human rights movement, you are treated as a bloody feminist and leftist. For reference, the meaning of ""smell of blood"" is a word that mocks women's menstruation. This word is very commonly used among Korean incels. >Other misogynistic words: > >**cunsquid**(cunt” + “squid: A word that mocks the smell coming from female genitals), > >**cuntment post**(cunt” + “government post” : For reference, Korean incels claim that women, black people, the disabled, and low-income workers are “ government post.”) > >**Blood Spitting Twit**(Words that mock women's menstruation) > >**Baby Spitting Twit**(Words that mock women's childbirth) Are they really pacifists? If you look closely at the groups they hate, you will immediately see how extreme right-wing incels are. Currently, incels in Korea are mainstream. Romance has long since disappeared in Korea. Incels intervene on all platforms and write malicious comments. In addition to misogyny, they write malicious comments to environmentalists, to women who love cats, black human rights, and to people who support workers' struggle for human rights. And under the guise of pacifism, incels continue their cruel hatred against women and the socially disadvantaged.",,162,Inner_Response_1714,2023-12-08 08:44:26 Feminism,18d8w5p,A Texas judge grants a pregnant woman permission to get an abortion despite the state’s ban,,https://apnews.com/article/texas-abortion-roe-568c09dc8794c341095189362ece9004,451,katespadesaturday,2023-12-07 23:32:24 Feminism,18dnh1t,Female friends,"Hi! I’m new here. My whole life I've only had male friends. I'm starting to think that maybe the problem is me, but I can't figure out what it is exactly. I've never been a misogynist and I work in a pro-feminist space, but for some reason the girls I meet aren't interested in being friends with me (not that I'm openly asked tbh, it’s just the vibe). I've never actively sought out friendship, all my friends have come into my life by chance or due to some external circumstances, but now I really want to make a female friend because I can't reach a high level of understanding in some issues with male friends. Where and how can I make friends with a girl?",,18,blndvsk,2023-12-08 14:02:09 Feminism,18dfwh7,Why is the b word receiving a cultural rehabilitation?,"Not that it ever really left sadly. Relatively progressive people even get defensive when one addresses it. Naturally even if a transmutation of meaning has occurred it still grounded and originated in a very toxic place, that element inescapable. Not to mention how unpleasant it is to hear it after growing up with it being used more maliciously. Losers clinging onto to misogyny for dear life. This culture is absolutely obsessive about power. Amazing that even the version of the word with w instead of b is a misogynist pejorative from a horrible era no less.",,76,Radu47,2023-12-08 05:40:41 Feminism,18erfog,What do you think of Anti feminist women?,"I'm an anti feminist woman, but I dont have anything against feminists. I simply just don't agree with a lot of what they say. That being said: what do you think of anti feminist women? Do you think they're justified in anyway?",,0,[deleted],2023-12-10 00:39:42 Feminism,18dif63,The Importance of Abortion Rights,"Hello everyone, I am currently taking an American Politics class and for extra credit, I need to write a post on a social media platform discussing a political issue I care about. I wanted to discuss abortion rights and how important this right is for the health of women and those who have uteruses. Without this right of bodily autonomy, people who want or need an abortion are more likely to search for an alternative and can be harmed. In some cases, death. Here is a source regarding the risks women and those with uteruses face when abortion rights are taken away. [https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/9253669/](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/9253669/)",,24,_MorningStar666_,2023-12-08 08:30:31 Feminism,18d3i5i,Anyone else feel like a lot of feminists critique other women as feminists to the point of being anti-feminist?,"As I've been reading through comments regarding Taylor Swift being Time's Person of the Year, I've noticed feminists critiquing her to the point of dragging and demeaning her for the way she talks about feminism. I feel like TS and the way people talk about her from a feminist perspective is the perfect example of something I've noticed a lot of lately - people in the feminist sphere speaking as though a woman must be a saint to be a valid feminist. TS is usually critiqued for being a white feminist who doesn't understand intersectional feminism, but I find this critique to be reductive almost to the point of being anti-feminist. She has said some surface level feminist things, which is what people always point out, but has also made a lot very in-depth and insightful points about feminism that she's followed through with action-wise from the time she was a teen. When I googled 'Taylor Swift feminism' trying to find a speech she gave regarding sexiness and feminism, all the search results were articles ripping her to shreds for one singular point she made and ignoring others. I've noticed that labeling and disregarding people as white feminists and/ or liberal feminist has become more and more of a trend, and is often warranted, but IMO the majority of the time it feels to me like it has come full circle and is against modern feminist ideals. ",,124,Current-Ad6521,2023-12-07 19:34:43 Feminism,18d509x,A male coworker is harassing me and other female coworkers. My higher ups told us that if anyone complains about that coworker we'll all be fired. I'm scared.,,/r/antiwork/comments/18d4y7v/women_of_anti_work_i_need_your_help/,81,tiredashellalready,2023-12-07 20:40:27 Feminism,18d6zvk,Why do i suddenly feel the need to be beautiful again? How do i deal with it?," I, a 23 year old woman, have lived the last few years been at peace with the idea that being conventionally ugly as a woman is completely fine. The world really wants women to be pretty and i felt like i was finally above it. I was okay with being kind of ugly because i knew that that is just super irrellevant for my being as a whole, i am so much more (, every woman is). And i was fed up with the idea. The best rebellious act for me was just not participating in this culture of believing that women should be pretty in any way. I felt enlightened and so free! I didn't wear makeup (and felt that even though a lot of women feel empowered by it it still comes from an external pressure to be pretty (otherwise most straight men would wear it too), absolutely nothing bad against people who do, you should absolutely do whatever you want!!!), i dressed for comfort, i don't shave my legs or armpits and i was eating whatever i felt like. I felt smart and confident, and i certainly was not looking for any man's approvel. but also, 2 months ago i broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years, i noticed it just wasnt going anywhere. I started having crushes on other people, started a new school in a new city and am generally alone quite a bit. Slowly i feel it sinking in again, i feel unattractive, and i worry about it. I want the people i'm attracted to to feel attracted to me, but that being about looks feels so incredibly shallow and awful. The media of beautiful women around me, beauty seeming like it is earned by women who are good and smart, the same media contradicting itself by using words like 'natural beauty', it saying: ""Your curves are beautiful"", you can be this or that but you still are and should be beautiful, i feel it is affecting me again. I feel like i want to wear makeup and be beautiful again but i don't want to give into it. I don't want to feel that it is some sort of asset and be rewarded by it. It feels like it's coming from inside me and infecting my brain. I try to look around me for support but i feel like there's barely any women that aren't affected by it in any way. When i talk to people about it they tell me i am beautiful, as to make me feel better, but that is not what i want to be, i deserve better than that, we all do. It is so engrained in us that beauty is something that matters that i slowly start to feel it too. I was never afraid of being ugly, there's nothing negative about it, but now i am again. Thank you for reading all this, i know it was a bit lengthy but i felt i needed to share. Is there someone out there with a similar experience? someone who also shares this sentiment or who has advice? should i indulge or dabble in being pretty again? Or does anyone have tips of getting back into my previous mindset? I'm super excited to hear your thoughts. ps: english is not my first language so please excuse my grammatical and spelling errors!",,43,chihirosy,2023-12-07 22:06:11 Feminism,18d4g91,"""They Violently Raped Me""",,/r/NewIran/comments/18cuki5/they_violently_raped_me/,21,Kishehosh,2023-12-07 20:16:12 Feminism,18d4jsl,Stan Tzouvelekes of Greenville city council is trying to shut down the abortion clinic,,https://www.greenvillecounty.org/Council/_Agenda/Meetings%20of%202023/County%20Council%20Meetings/2023.12.05/Revoking%20Business%20Registration%2011-29-2023%20(2).pdf?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email,18,Rychek_Four,2023-12-07 20:20:40 Feminism,18crnaa,How do you react to sexist jokes?,"My uncle is super sexist and makes a lot of anti women jokes (obviously they're not even slightly funny) and my family seems to just roll with it. I'd like to call him out on it without being the 'bitch who can't take a joke'. What is your go-to reaction to stuff like that?",,133,tinyyseal,2023-12-07 09:06:11 Feminism,18cwjsn,A Different Metric System,"I have written a poem about how the world has a different metric system for men. There are too many expectations from women in terms of their looks and appearance and there is barely anything for an average guy. This is a short poem about the same issue.",https://i.redd.it/qyfdz9nxsv4c1.jpg,40,obliviousshiro,2023-12-07 14:17:49 Feminism,18dc6dp,Feminism Goals for next year,"Feminists have done great this year with being radically honest about women’s experiences of marriage and parenthood, and challenging the perception of being Child Free and Single by choice as a woman. What are some of the things that would be great to work on in 2024?",,0,IHaveABigDuvet,2023-12-08 02:17:27 Feminism,18cnvqm,Why people in third world countries are so afraid of feminism?,"People often allege that feminists promote vulgarity, sexuality/nudity in the name of women's empowerment/freedom. How we may counter this people mentality in third world countries.",,95,SyedaMuntaha,2023-12-07 04:54:44 Feminism,18d0eot,A Brief Personal and Political History of Ms.,,https://thethreepennyguignol.com/2023/12/07/a-brief-personal-and-political-history-of-ms/,7,cutpriceguignol,2023-12-07 17:15:52 Feminism,18cxw5l,Grant Thornton Invitational Shines A Light On Pay Parity In Pro Golf,,https://www.forbes.com/sites/mikedojc/2023/12/07/grant-thornton-invitational-shines-a-light-on-pay-parity-in-pro-golf/?sh=18ad84ca193b,6,colagolfer,2023-12-07 15:21:42 Feminism,18cnmwq,“THEY VIOLENTLY RAPED ME”: SEXUAL VIOLENCE WEAPONIZED TO CRUSH IRAN’S “WOMAN LIFE FREEDOM” UPRISING | Amnesty |2023,,https://www.amnesty.org/en/documents/mde13/7480/2023/en/,35,Shekari_Club,2023-12-07 04:40:48 Feminism,18ct3cy,"I wrote a poem about female rage inspired by Tori Amos' song Cruel, let me know what you think",,https://youtu.be/8y1RuvAwYWc?si=o-wP-clp3DVpsDJx,7,J-Poetry,2023-12-07 10:53:33 Feminism,18cku43,Right because boobs are only for the boys 😒,,/r/AITAH/comments/18cgl1z/am_i_the_ahole_for_grabbing_my_boobs_in_class/,14,Gloomy_Living_7532,2023-12-07 02:12:34 Feminism,18c0oie,What gave feminism such a bad reputation?,Of course loads of stupid little boys hate feminism but why? What's to blame?,,283,WeirdoPanda1405,2023-12-06 09:56:40 Feminism,18bux3g,Men who are “all for women” but say “not all men”,"Sometimes my bf makes me feel like he’s another one of those guys who likes to pretend they care about women’s issues. He made it known in the beginning that he’s “all for women”. Whatever that means, right? Yet almost every time I speak about women’s issues, he brings up how women are hurting men. For example, I brought up today the statistics regarding men leaving their wives when they get diagnoses with a chronic illness (the statistics are so sad btw). And instead of being like omg that’s insane, he brings up how women harm men. I don’t even remember the example he used because I was aghast. Why do SOME (see what I did there?) men do this?! I am all for men’s issues is the thing. If men’s issues are only being brought up instances like this, it seems it has more to do with shutting women up rather than actually giving a shit about men’s issues. Are these guys that seem like they are “for women” actually allies with us? Why in the world do women’s issues trigger some men into anger? PLEASE PEOPLE! Help me understand. Also tell me if I’m wrong lol UPDATE- I ended up speaking to him about this. He apologized and said that he never wants me to feel as though he is trying to one up me. He owned up to the fact that he did get offended because he felt personally attacked, but he realizes that it was not meant as a personal attack to him. After he realized what I was actually trying to say, he said he was glad I shed light on the behavior he was admitting. He said “I need to learn that it has nothing to do with me but men as a whole”. So i think he’s kind of getting it. It honestly seems like it’s a knee jerk reaction whenever these issues get brought up. Which is not a good thing lol. In turn I did let him know that I do care about what men go through, and although I might not fully understand because I’m not a man. Probably the same way he feels. So hopefully this was a turning point! ",,341,ResearchOpposite7518,2023-12-06 03:39:58 Feminism,18cc12x,Why Women Hate the Pill | What birth control teaches us about the failure—and future—of women’s health care,,https://thewalrus.ca/why-women-hate-the-pill/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=referral,18,CWang,2023-12-06 19:31:43 Feminism,18bzcgm,Kim Jong-un cries as he tells women to have more babies, https://out.reddit.com/t3_18br2ug?app_name=reddit_ios&token=AQAAmHJwZcE3VZ3xm9lUi0S5u0J7FhsnhhWtSVwnAOTOpTKlQZwp&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.telegraph.co.uk%2Fworld-news%2F2023%2F12%2F05%2Fkim-jong-un-cries-tells-women-more-babies-north-korea%2F,,104,Pure-Organization-26,2023-12-06 08:14:39 Feminism,18blu3c,How mysoginist are targeting young boys,"I read a book that was called men who hate women by Laura bates and saw this disturbing fact I’ll show it on a quote. But I would say that this is grooming, targeting children as young as ten through video games. I want to raise this awareness",https://www.reddit.com/gallery/18blu3c,728,Charrise,2023-12-05 20:44:13 Feminism,18bx3iy,Rant: Mansplaining in the form of unsolicited advice when the plans have already been laid! SMDH,"Several examples in ONE DAMN WEEK: I have a camper van that's been leaking for 3 weeks now. I've worked on it in public spaces, ie home depot parking lot and a parking garage. Men say: ""You should try X product"" (when I have very obviously already purchased the product and am using it as they speak, I will not be switching gears and suddenly taking their advice and changing products midstream. I'm literally applying the product I already have while they educate me on their superior product.) I'm on a ladder leaned against my van. Some guy walks past and says, ""That ladder is at an angle and might slip!"" I'm The one on the ladder. Do you really think I didn't test it first??? Then there are the ""drive by's""; ""I have a van like that blah blah blah"", ""Are you from X state"", pulling up behind me to make comments while I'm clearly in the middle of someone and it would be a huge hassle to move my vehicle to get away. SICK. OF. THIS. Men on FB have pulled the same: ""Why did you use Y product? You should have used X and here's why."" (That was in response to a question I asked in a Facebook group about a cheaper alternative to a certain brand. Their advice that I shouldn't have use that product to begin with did not answer the question at all!)",,96,No_Celery9390,2023-12-06 05:41:09 Feminism,18bll8y,CNN's Christmas gifts ideas for women is terrible,,https://us.cnn.com/cnn-underscored/gifts/gift-ideas-for-women,113,bloulboi,2023-12-05 20:33:49 Feminism,18bbbcg,I witnessed a horrific domestic violence situation in public and feel demoralized by the way police (don't) respond to such situations,"I feel the need to make this post at 4:30am because what I saw deeply disturbed me, I can't sleep and I just need to get it off my chest. I was getting into my car in a parking lot after picking up food when I heard a woman screaming for help. She actually sounded like a child at first, I was really concerned. I couldn't see anyone so I drove to the other side of the parking lot where the sound was coming from. All I saw was what looked like a couple and the woman putting a small child in the backseat of the car. I didn't realize at first that something was going on and that was where the sound was coming from. Then it quickly became obvious that the couple were arguing. And then rapidly became obvious that it wasn't a normal argument. Suddenly the man attacked her, hitting her, putting her into a headlock and bringing her to the floor, while she was sobbing and again screaming for help. I got out of my car and immediately started yelling at the man to stop. I went to grab my phone and I started filming him, knowing it would probably be the only thing to make him stop. He did stop, and when I still wasn't sure if she was safe, I walked closer just to make sure I got him entirely on camera, as well as the plates to their car. He became distracted by me and walked towards me. I immediately turned my phone off and ran back into my car locking the doors, he was filming me too (which was hilarious to me, cause it's not like I was the one committing any sort of crime) and yelled at me before walking off. Thankfully, I noticed that the woman got in the car and drove away with her child. I have a strong sense of justice and was niave enough to believe this was a situation in which a 911 call was completely necessary and police should actually care. After all I just witnessed a violent assault, in public. Of course combined with all of the waiting on hold on the phone and then waiting for the cops to show up it took maybe an hour and a half for them to actually come speak with me. I thought they might try to find him. Actually care for me to send them the footage I captured. Actually care to have me make a statement. After all, if a random man attacks a random woman like that in public, is it not the police's business to find and arrest the attacker, regardless if the victim fled? When there was a witness to the crime who called the police?? But as soon as they deduced it was a domestic violence incident, they decided it simply wasn't their problem. They told me they could only do something if the victim presses charges (I looked it up - legally, this technically isn't true). Which, let's be real, she probably won't, because of how complicated abusive relationships are. But - knowing how abusive relationships work and knowing that the woman is in fact in MORE danger due to the fact that she is involved with this man instead of just a stranger on the street - should it not be the responsibility of the police to put this violent, dangerous criminal behind bars? For a long enough time that she may become detached due to his lack of presence, and hey maybe given resources for domestic survivors, and time to escape if need be? Is it suddenly NOT their job to protect people, simply because the person trying to kill them is their boyfriend or husband or whatever? I guess I can say I'm disappointed but not surprised. I had to try. But I'm so furious at this reminder of the lack of justice women have for domestic violence. Because it is the type of violence that mainly affects women, it simply isn't important to authorities or the state. I'm sure if I had witnessed a man violently beat up and rob another man they would have been up in arms searching the neighborhood for the 'dangerous criminal' on the loose. But if you beat up your spouse, I guess you're not 'dangerous', because the ""only"" person you're endangering is the person you're in a relationship with. I am so glad that even though the police are useless, and hardly anyone intervenes in this situation, that I had the guts to stop it, even though I'm an unintimidating, unarmed 25yo woman. The cops even condemned me for getting closer to them to film because I was putting myself at risk. That's true. But I only put myself at risk because I was trying to capture his face & the car's plates, niavely believing that someone would actually give a shit. My heart breaks for that woman... I hope she's okay. But I know I will never forget what I witnessed and how infuriating it is how there is so rarely justice in these situations. My message to all: IF YOU SEE SOMETHING, OR HEAR SOMETHING, DO SOMETHING!! Because chances are no one else is going to step in. There was plenty of other people around when this was occuring who could have done something.",,438,worldprincess13,2023-12-05 12:52:13 Feminism,18bpvcp,Women's and Gender Studies as a degree option?,"Firstly- is there a better subreddit I could direct this question that anyone could suggest? I'm 27. So I work blue collar w all men. Before I got into this world I wanted to work with non profits and women/ children. Primarily focused on sexual slavery. This has been a pipe dream since I was literally age 13. I went to a year of college at 18, and just wasn't mature enough to take the steps to follow through with this goal, I guess. My chosen degree path was social work, but I took a women's and genders studies class while there. The professor wasn't my favorite, but I loved the coursework. Fast forward to now- I've done a lot as a blue collar gal. I'm an accomplished welder, I've worked in arctic conditions in oil field and desert heat pipeline projects, doing hard manual labor and keeping up with the guys. I currently work in an open pit copper mine driving 1 million pound and 27 feet wide haul truck. I got myself into this line of work on a whim while on an adventurous stint of solo tent living in Wyoming. I'm damn proud of my accomplishments and how I've learned to carry myself and make the work, work for me despite discrimination and sexual harassment (and there's been minor assault.. ya...) I've had to come into a lot of environments being the only woman on the whole site, which used to intimidate the spiritual dick outta me. But now I have a lot of men on my team, and I attribute this to the way I've learned to socialize and present myself in the bizarre structure of blue collar. But I want more. I always have. For over half my life. I just want to feel like I'm doing something, not just for myself. I want to feel like I'm giving back to the world and not just taking. Reading the graphic rapes of the women in Israel by Hamas had me sobbing today. Reading about what the women in Palestine are going through has me feeling the same. Afghanistan, South America, even here in the US! Women carry the brunt of human atrocities. I just want to fucking do something, and better myself as a woman/ person in the mean time. And I feel the fire to make that jump so so much right now. I think back to age 18; I thought WGS was a throwaway degree, but I'm wondering if that is a more tangible option for me than social work. I want to hold a leadership position in a non profit that has hands in policy change. I'm considering the [OSU Online Program](https://catalog.oregonstate.edu/college-departments/liberal-arts/school-language-culture-society/women-gender-sexuality-studies-ba-bs-hba-hbs/#requirementstext), as it seems it will be flexible enough to fit into my life- as I work an insane schedule. 12 hour shifts; 4 days, 7 off, 4 nights, 2.5 off, 3 days, 1 off, 3 nights, 2.5 off and repeat I would really value anyones thoughts on all of this, that has experience in this realm of work. Thank you kindly for reading my minds rantings. Sincerely, someone who wants to make a difference in the world, no matter how small",,22,406f150,2023-12-05 23:32:25 Feminism,18bqbkk,Podcast for survivors of Military Sexual Trauma,"Hello, I just started a podcast on Veterans Day this year that shares the stories of people that have experienced Military Sexual Trauma. The goal of the podcast is to spread awareness, help other survivors feel less isolated and help identify and pool more resources, and to eventually raise money to help survivors get specialized care outside of the VA system. I (the host) was extremely lucky to have a full recovery from more than decade-long severe cPTSD, depression, and anxiety and want to do everything in my power to help others get their lives back, too. This episode in particular is from an Army Chaplain’s perspective and her story is incredible. Thank you.",https://youtu.be/9GtODRMrJCU?si=Ig6JcSBi5PkoEFS0,9,silencedvoicesMST,2023-12-05 23:52:02 Feminism,18b8r23,"A 43-year-old South Korean woman adopted her best friend, seeking to create an alternative family outside traditional marriage, as part of a broader trend of feminist social experiments in the country",,https://www.aljazeera.com/features/2023/12/2/the-south-korean-woman-who-adopted-her-best-friend,91,hongdae-exit-9,2023-12-05 10:02:42 Feminism,18aork5,I feel really grossed out,I went on my first real date a few months ago with a guy I met on a dating app. I didn’t tell my parents because I knew they would probably freak out because of the age difference. I was 18 and he was 28 but I didn’t think much of it. While we were talking he asked if he could kiss me and I don’t him I wasn’t really comfortable with that as I don’t have any experience and just generally don’t want to. He kept pushing until I didn’t have any more excuses and leaned in to kiss me while I wasn’t really watching what he was doing. I though I made my discomfort visible but he kept doing it. I don’t talk to him anymore but I just feel really gross still and I don’t have anyone to tell. It makes me not want to go on dates anymore since that was my first one. I just feel like I let it happen and I feel grossed out with myself but I keep telling myself it wasn’t my fault.,,432,Goooaaatttt,2023-12-04 17:07:48 Feminism,18as84e,The majority of President Joe Biden's appointed judges to date have been women or minorities - a first in the history of the United States,,https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/12/04/most-of-bidens-appointed-judges-to-date-are-women-racial-or-ethnic-minorities-a-first-for-any-president/,214,Professional_Suit270,2023-12-04 19:36:46 Feminism,18as5rp,Mut’ah / temporary pleasure marriage,"I just stumbled upon this [video](https://youtu.be/_5ZqEWSeKj4?si=9ip8G2EXtLV57ip5) and although I am fully aware of all the forced marriages, child brides, and other derogatory practices toward women in many Islamic states/ under Sharia... it's so shocking how deceitful and selfish men can be. No regard for human life. Those *pleasure marriages* can last anywhere from a day to years just so that men could *legally* use a woman instead of illegally buying the services from a prostitute. You can even take a 10yo girl, ""marry"" her without her parent's consent, and then after using her, just toss her aside. As she is not a virgin anymore, she might be killed by her family (*honor killing*). Or a man temporarily marries a woman making her believe that it's a real marriage, then ghosts her and if she gets caught then she might be convicted of prostitution. Apparently, pleasure / temporary marriages are meant for the couple to get to know each other before the real marriage but it doesn't seem to benefit women because their only worth is measured by their virginity. Another shocking part was that if the civil judge finds out about the illegal marriage to an underage girl then her husband and family are only fined a mere 50 bucks. For some reason, nothing has ever made me feel more angry than learning about women's and especially girls' brutal mistreatment in these regions (+FGM in Africa). If anyone knows legit organizations that help these girls, please share the links. I tried (mentioned in the video) OWFI but it seemed a bit inactive (last posts 2017) and there was no way to donate to their cause. Also, how do you manage your emotions ( for me it's anger and disbelief) when you see something like that? [Muslimgirl blog post on the topic](https://muslimgirl.com/lets-talk-mutah-temporary-marriage-islam/) &#x200B;",,120,lndlml,2023-12-04 19:34:05 Feminism,18b1ur8,European VC ecosystem heavily biased against female founders,,https://thenextweb.com/news/european-vc-ecosystem-biased-female-founders,25,katespadesaturday,2023-12-05 02:50:02 Feminism,18bk1xp,Book rec/request: feminism & Sapir-Whorf/linguistics,"Hi all — looking for book recommendations or ideas. Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about the Sapir-Whorf hypothesis & linguistic determinism/relativity in relation to the gender binary and feminism. A lot of what I’ve read on linguistic determinism touches on gender, but it doesn’t go very in depth (or at least as in depth as I would like) or emphasize a thoroughly feminist lens. I was wondering if any of you have read/found books by feminist scholars/authors/theorists on the subject, or books by linguists that focus on gender specifically. Right now Women, Fire, & Dangerous things by George Lakoff is on my list, but again I think that’ll be a little more broad than what I’m looking for. I’ve also found some academic research/essays published on the subject if anyone is interested!",,1,oneslowdancer,2023-12-05 19:29:10 Feminism,18aiw5s,"""Patriarchy Kills! Fight Back"" spotted in Winterthur, Switzerland",,https://i.redd.it/brca8yrdr94c1.jpg,269,Everything4Everyone,2023-12-04 12:10:48 Feminism,18azwhz,Protesters near the U.N. push for broader condemnation of sexual violence on Oct. 7.,,https://www.nytimes.com/live/2023/12/04/world/israel-hamas-war-gaza-news/protesters-and-israel-push-the-un-to-condemn-sexual-violence-during-the-oct-7-attack?smid=url-share,16,Motor-Ad-2024,2023-12-05 01:13:32 Feminism,18acavn,“Who are the masculine women for?” [idolomantises],,https://i.redd.it/6ql1vl79h74c1.jpg,453,ClaireDacloush,2023-12-04 04:29:49 Feminism,18akq0h,Jesus the Medieval Feminist,,https://www.historytoday.com/history-matters/jesus-medieval-feminist,4,[deleted],2023-12-04 13:56:30 Feminism,189zp80,A male recruiter told that I was « authoritarian ». Would he have said the same to a man?!,"Hello, I was doing interviews for a job position where I have 7 years of experience! During the third round, I had to present a case study and convince people. I am an assertive woman, confident in my job and really enthusiastic. I know sometimes my tone can be directive but this is just who I am I guess. I still have a lot of other flaws I’m working on. However when I was getting feedback, the recruiter told my my tone was « too authoritarian » and not enough « complacent », because you know, stakeholders must me taken care of. I was wondering, if he had a confident man in from of him with the same tone, would He have said the same thing?",,103,Dovahkweeen,2023-12-03 18:28:46 Feminism,189v16y,“The economics of industrialized countries would collapse if women didn't do the work they do for free”,"Page 23. The beauty myth by Naomi Wolf is blowing my mind.",,170,RelativeLeather5759,2023-12-03 14:49:40 Feminism,18agq3b,Do you think promiscuity is bad?,"Would you consider promiscuity (for both men or women) to be a bad thing in society and if so, do you have any fixes for it? Also, why do you think your arguments are morally better than the other side?",,6,toogodo,2023-12-04 09:36:35 Feminism,18afw53,Hey there I'm looking for an essay or non fiction book about pregnancy,"Hey, I'm working on a video essay right now about Stephen Kings ""The breathing method"" which talks a lot about the general societal shittiness of being a single mother in the 1920s and I'm looking for essays or non fiction books about this topic or the general societal expectations of pregnancy but I don't know where to start, any recommendations would be greatly appreciated.",,4,Gene_freeman,2023-12-04 08:29:30 Feminism,189tpwa,I've literally just been proposed to and I feel manipulated af,"So, me (25f) and a former fling from the past (31m) went on a date after 3 years without speaking to each other. We tried to build something in 2020, but it didn't work due to his overwhelming workload and my lack of maturity. We, naturally, didn't keep in touch until we bumped into each other in a party in June, in which I had been with my former boyfriend, who broke up with me in August. In the beginning of November, this guy from my past texted me on LinkedIn (since I don't have any social media), just to ask me how I was, how my family was, so on and so forth. We started texting again, which soon evolved to flirting. Mind you that we live in different cities, even though we come from the same town. Then, he came to town this weekend and we decided to go on a date together. He said that he still loves me, and believes I'm the one for him, and LITERALLY proposed. Like down on one knee thing. But since he had no ring, he proposed with a piece of grass. I don't know what the fuck is happening and I'm absolutely terrified, because it really felt intense. Now I feel love-bombed, manipulated and feel like he's using me to fill some sort of void. I can't believe I'm in this situation and I'm asking please for some support and advice. Oh, and just to be clear, I will not marry him. I'm not the cure for one's problems. It's just very stressful to be in this situation and my anxiety is through the roof and again, a guy is trying to manipulate me by confusing my emotions. I'm so sick of this. UPDATE: I was honest with him, but also very careful, we never know what someone can do. So definitely not even dating this dude or going out with him ever again in my life, the more I think about it, the worse it gets. Thank you everyone who took some time to help me out, it means a lot 🥰",,128,sh4doowm00n,2023-12-03 13:40:56 Feminism,189mz3o,endless online misogyny,"I know this already has been discussed here many times, but I don’t think I recall Instagram comments ever being so… awful. Every single reel with a woman, a gay person etc is always filled with crap and hatred. Especially athletic videos, or videos with male dominated hobbies the men commenting always feel the need to “one up” or “humble” the woman who’s showing off her skill in the video, and for what reason??? They treat it like a competition when they see women succeeding in male dominated spaces and it’s genuinely upsetting. Heck, they even do it to kids for some reason as well. Unfortunately, there seems to be a large group that still sees women as objects, or inferior and it boils my blood just seeing it. They also seem to blame women for everything to calling a man “gay” for playing games with his daughters and simply just being a good dad. Also, hating on women who don’t want kids as they only see women as useful for having children. These same people are sometimes older men hitting on younger women as they think ages 18-24 is a woman’s “prime” for birth. It’s gross. The algorithm is weird and for some reason different videos end up on an incel’s reels feed. Just earlier I was scrolling and saw a video regarding polygamy, you can smell the comments a mile away. One thing I saw that took everything in me not to reply was one comment, stating that it’s a woman’s fault if a man cheats. He even said that it was “a wife’s duty” to satisfy a man and that women don’t want men to be happy because they don’t let them have multiple wives, to him saying that women not wanting to have sex all the time is stupid. That women being not in the mood to have sex over “being moody” or having headaches is a huge excuse to not do it. Another time as I was scrolling I saw a video of a buff female athlete showing off her strength, top comments were men saying “that’s a dude” or “not a woman” because of her lower stomach area. Yet again pure misogyny and transphobia, like men can’t fathom a women can kick their butt or be stronger than them. Men truly don’t know a woman’s anatomy either, and god forbid a woman has one single masculine trait. I also see comments where men are like “well at least we can walk out at night alone” almost as if they’re fully well aware of these issues but just don’t simply.. care? I know it’s not all men because there are some men who don’t comment stuff like that, but IT is a large portion of men. I also know that it was most likely just incels and for some reason the algorithm, comfortability with hate speech, and the ability to hide behind a screen allows them to come out of hiding. It’s not just Instagram either, as Twitter is the same with the “single mom’s posting Ls” or “Women posting Ls” page. I have seen some ridiculous stuff said there too, they reach so hard to blame women and victim blame, but don’t take responsibility for deadbeat fathers or crappy men. These are the same type of guys that say “well men this well men that” whenever a non-men victim brings up their experience and they truly don’t care about men’s issues at all. They only bring it up whenever a non-men brings up their experience to shut them down, otherwise they’d make their own awareness posts. I try not to let it get to me but it has me wondering who and who out there is like this but is good at hiding it. It feels like thousands. Sometimes I feel hopeless at times that we will never progress as a society and have a safer and better future for women and girls all over the world. I hope that one day we will have a much better world, but i’ve just accepted that I might not be alive to see it as it could be years from now. It just sucks, and I hope people don’t mind this rant.",,182,02891,2023-12-03 05:54:04 Feminism,189kz3q,In 40 states child marriage is legal,You read that correctly. Minors cannot file for divorce so why should they be legally married? If you are infuriated by this- as you should be (I am)- you should support the advocacy work of https://www.unchainedatlast.org/,,202,Classifiedgarlic,2023-12-03 03:54:52 Feminism,189wo7m,What are some things that make you happy/hopeful/proud about the impact of feminism on everyday life?,"It makes me sad that so many of the posts on r/Feminism are angry rants. There are of course many serious problems to rant angrily about, but it’s nice to celebrate when we can, too.",,18,clarifythepulse,2023-12-03 16:09:21 Feminism,18985l8,Teen girls are being victimized by deepfake nudes. One family is pushing for more protections,,https://apnews.com/article/deepfake-ai-nudes-teen-girls-legislation-b6f44be048b31fe0b430aeee1956ad38,359,katespadesaturday,2023-12-02 17:09:39 Feminism,1899hfv,The Language of Women,"I saw a video recently of Meryl Streep and a group of male filmmakers having a discussion in a panel. Streep mentions how women have learned the language of men, given how most of society (certainly in film/writings and storytelling) is structured and written in this language of men. This is similar to ideas on the male gaze. Learning this language is therefore inherent for women in society to survive or get anywhere. As a man, I obviously grew up without any conscious awareness of the language of women, and would like to gain an understanding of it. Perhaps this is the wrong group to ask this in (if so any directions would be greatly appreciated) but I was wondering if anyone had any books or media that would help in learning this language? I’m always trying to learn from the women in my own life, but I feel the onus should solely be on women to teach me. I’d like to learn on my own!",,209,SlipperyFsh,2023-12-02 18:11:48 Feminism,1890bsb,I feel devastated(south korea),"I am a 22yo Korean girl who moved to singapore at 14. For years korean women suffered from all kinds of discrimination and sexism toward us but i truly believed that we were changing. Like how is it possible to go backwards in terms of human rights?? But blimey that has happened. Korean men are literally claiming that all kinds of illustrations with 🤌🤏these kinds of signs are putted in on purpose to make them feel bad about their genital size hahahahahahahah like are you serious?? Now that it has been revealed that the one who drew it was a 40yo male, the one got fired is a female illustrator who claimed to be a feminist years ago. I feel devastated. There is no hope in my country.",,308,Maximum_Conflict501,2023-12-02 09:45:10 Feminism,1890d0d,Am I overreacting or is this sexist…,"This is my first time posting on Reddit but I feel like this is the right platform for this. I came across this company on instagram that helps you pick presents for your parents through a quiz. I actually really loved the concept of this and so took the quiz, I picked that my mum loved travelling, the stock market etc... and it came up with cleaning and cooking products. Now I put this to a faulty algorithm initially and it didn’t bother me too much. My issue came when I used the exact same answers but clicked dad instead and it gave me a heated cinema chair. How can the exact same answers lead to chores for mum and relaxing for dad. I told them about this and there response was oh but other companies do it too… they then made a reel stating they were getting cancelled because a customer (me) called them sexist.The video they created inaccurately portrays what my issue was, which they are fully aware of. They stated my reason for calling out the company as sexist was because I picked the travel option and got cleaning products and stated this could be due to other options I picked. When they created this video they knew fully well the options I picked (and how none of them led to cleaning) and also knew fully well that my issue lied in the fact that the same answers for mum and dad gave you relaxing for mum and chores for dad. I believe They have purposefully created a video that states they have been cancelled probably to gain clout or go viral.. and it’s clearly working. I actually have no issues with cooking or cleaning products being advertised to mums or dads my issue lies in the difference when giving the same answers. They were well aware of all these facts when creating the reel. They have kept asking me to post a reel/tik tok to see what people say so I’m pretty sure at this point they just want the word spread about the company. Hence why I have not named them. I would also be happy to share my answers to the quiz if needed. Edit: thank you for all the responses. I don’t know whether it’s worth sending the responses to them because I’d feel like they won’t listen anyway…",,215,Ok-One-9131,2023-12-02 09:47:44 Feminism,1894drt,Gloria Steinem: Feminist icon on 'lethal' desire to control wombs,,https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-67445694,53,Kagedeah,2023-12-02 14:02:12 Feminism,1893sra,36 Ways Women Still Aren't Equal to Men,,/r/EqualRightsAmendment/comments/18939w4/36_ways_women_still_arent_equal_to_men/,57,imaginenohell,2023-12-02 13:31:49 Feminism,188zupt,Rage against men & books 📚,"Hi! I would like to find books and/or essais that can teach me more about (the emergence of) patriarchy and further more over the effect it has on modern society. I want to understand better on macro scale, to be able to translate it to me and my point of view, as I struggle today with a lot of rage against behavior of men (and the machine 🥁). I would like to understand the whole thing and to be able to manage this anger. I want to be able to translate it in a more constructive way in my actions and words, use it to stand my ground with more confidence. Because it's eating me up in my corporate life right now, being seen as a 'overemotional woman' that 'should stop panicking' over 'everything' (whilst just stating facts, you know..., but ok). Have some tips? Thanks!",,48,Ebo1986,2023-12-02 09:09:48 Feminism,188epq1,"The concept of being in love and in a relationship (with a man) as something we should all aspire to is the oldest, most successful PR scheme of all time.","I believe it’s the opposite. They created a need because we’re better off without them, but they can’t say the same about us. How many of us have actually improved the quality of our lives by going this route vs. deciding to not? I’m (35F) in a relationship for the first time in almost a decade and I realize I’m happier when I’m single. Could be my BPD, but where is the evidence to show any validity to this fairy tale that’s been shoved down our throats? I feel like this is the equivalent to Philip Morris saying “cigarettes are good for you!” Before they eventually got sued because come to find out, they kill you. Edit: grammar",,447,cinquefoil9,2023-12-01 15:32:44 Feminism,188f2dz,Sandra Day O' Conner died today,"Sandra Day O’Connor, pathbreaking woman on Supreme Court, dies at 93 https://www.washingtonpost.com/obituaries/2023/12/01/sandra-day-oconnor-supreme-court-justice-dead/ I apologize in advance to those who hit a paywall. But if you can read this - it's sooo worth it!",,105,mylifewillchange,2023-12-01 15:48:01 Feminism,188g8jp,"I am Korean woman. I wanted to be a game maker, but now we may not be able to participate in game making.","First of all, I can't English. However, I want to convey this issue to a foreign country, so I write a post using a translator. I'm sorry if there's anything that sounds hard to understand or rude. &#x200B; Hello. I am a Korean woman and feminist. I originally didn't reveal my nationality on Reddit. Because the first comment I saw on Reddit was racist and Korea is such a small country that it's easy for the same Korean to know my location. The reason why I revealed my nationality on Reddit was because of a game developed in Korea. I've loved the game for years, and I've been a big fan of the band working with the game company. ...Until the game company fired the employee for being a feminist. &#x200B; Feminists are treated like criminals in Korea. Many Korean men think that feminists hate men and drive all men to be criminals. I see news of a woman being raped on a daily basis, and when I go to the bathroom outside my home, I'm worried if there's a camera in the bathroom trying to photograph me, and even if an incident like Nth Room occurs, we shouldn't just say that men are afraid. Even if you upload a post asking for tough punishment of the perpetrators of Nth Room, there are many women who are called feminists and have been hated by men. &#x200B; I'm afraid to walk on the street at night. When I get in a taxi, I inform my acquaintances of the taxi's number and tell them to call the police if they still can't reach me a few minutes later. It's hard to go to the bathroom outside the house. Most Korean women will. However, in Korea, feminists can be treated like criminals and lose their jobs because they are feminists. &#x200B; I'll repeat what I was saying earlier. The illustrator in charge of my favorite game was unfairly fired for being a feminist. In Korea, many women's toilets are equipped with cameras for illegal filming. I've confirmed that there's a camera in the bathroom of my art class, and I've often heard from my acquaintances that the perpetrator of the illegal shooting has been arrested at his school or company. However, 90% of men who illegally photograph women's bodies are investigated without detention and receive light sentences. There was a time when a radical Korean feminist illegally filmed the body of a male nude model. This is a clear crime and we shouldn't do the same just because men often film us illegally. I never defend the criminal. She was taken into custody, appeared in a lot of news, and this case was treated very seriously. And Korean women felt unequal in their tough response, which was different from when women were victims and men were perpetrators. This incident has led to feminists protesting at Hyehwa Station to properly investigate and strongly punish illegal filming cases in which women are victims. &#x200B; Korean men were angry that the female character in the above game wore a wetsuit rather than a sexy swimsuit at an event set in the sea, and that a feminist seemed to work for the game company. They cyberstalked the social media of the company's employees and tried to find a feminist, and it was revealed that her ID was tagged in a tweet asking for attention to the Hyehwa Station protest when the CG illustrator was a minor, and that she retweeted several feminist tweets. Feminist-hating men sent emails to game companies, and some went directly to game companies to protest. And the game company announced on July 25 that it would no longer work with the employee and exclude all of the paintings she drew from the game, saying it was against the company's rules to make her controversial retweet of feminist tweets.(For more information, please watch [this YouTuber](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tvw5BeQ5XBA&list=LL&index=34)'s summary. He organized this case very well.) &#x200B; This is not the first time that this has happened. Seven years ago, a female voice actor replaced the voice actor of the character without using the file recorded by the voice actor because he wore a feminist T-shirt. We couldn't take it anymore and we fought for months. I was so distressed to see that this happened in the game I loved and that the aforementioned band I loved supported the company, calling this incident just a ""mistake."" Thanks to the efforts of feminists, the incident appeared on Korea's terrestrial news and even a parliamentary audit was held. &#x200B; But after that, other Korean game companies either stopped using her paintings or forced her to quit because the female workers involved in game production were feminists. It was only a few days ago. Korean men are very sensitive to 🤏 this hand gesture. This hand gesture has been used by Korean radical feminists to disparage Korean men's genitals.(Not sure. That's what men claim.) &#x200B; Please look at [this](https://x.com/way_502/status/1729050516557300016?s=20) The fact that 🤏 hand gestures came out in a very short period of time, and that the illustrator who drew the scene wrote in the past, ""All posts that make men feel a little bad are forcibly deleted. I will secretly continue to be a feminist"" led her to quit her job due to severe cyberbullying by Korean men and forced by her company. &#x200B; It's terrible that we can get all kinds of contempt and be exposed to crime just because we're women and we have to put up with it. Even if we're not feminists, if we use our thumb and index finger to pick up things or cut our hair short, we're suspected to be feminists and might lose our jobs for ridiculous reasons while being cyberstalked. I don't know why we have to go through this... Korean men say that only foreign feminists are true feminists and Korean feminists are jealous of pretty women and disparage them as fat and ugly women who have gone crazy because they are not loved by men... Rather, we like it because it's safe for men not to be interested in us... People tell me to leave Korea when I post something like this on Reddit. However, Korea is not a multicultural country, so immigration is very difficult. I don't know if Korea will change and Korean women will be able to live like humans... It's so scary and miserable. &#x200B; Thank you for reading my gibberish long post.",,52,cottoncandy_910,2023-12-01 16:38:19 Feminism,188j4fm,Dress codes control,"Sorry if this rant doesn’t make sense I’m just a bit upset over entrenched gender roles rn. At work I dress fairly vibrantly. I wear a lot of patterns and dresses and unusual pieces. I’ve never had a problem before today. In fact, most people love what I wear and love to see what I’m wearing that day. But today my boss pulled me over. Today I’m wearing a white shirt with a lowish back and a patterned blue skirt. Because the back is just the tiniest bit low I decided to forgo a bra and today at noon my boss pulled me over and said I was making people feel u comfortable. I’m not mad she said anything and I put on a sweater immediately. I’m not mad I can’t go braless at work what I’m mad at is the fact that I can’t even live my best life without someone commenting on how the female body make them uncomfortable. Someone looked at me and felt like they had to tell others that my body was inappropriate. Someone was so fixated on my breasts that they just couldn’t feel comfortable simply because I’m not wearing a bra? Like it felt like a moment of someone trying to control my body and my gender expression. Like let me live!",,23,Lanky-Pool-5331,2023-12-01 18:40:46 Feminism,1881yvv,Testosterone aggression is worse in the world than women’s emotionality but praised instead of demonized,"“Women are emotional. Women are crazy.” Testosterone literally breeds aggressive behavior. Rapes, wars from aggression,",,287,Other-Stop7953,2023-12-01 03:37:59 Feminism,188mefw,Resources to deal with constant backlash towards feminism in STEM communities?,"Hey folks! I love your enthusiasm; love your posts. It's a refuge from the constant misogyny... I decided to take a job as the strategist consultant for a non-profit that I like a lot (they work with donations, AI safety, animal welfare, etc). The founder was a philosopher with amazing ideas and a structural vision of issues. Now it's changed...But I still think that I have more impact there instead of a for-profit company. As I'm lucky enough to shape my job, I decided to work on getting my community more diverse, more open, more welcoming. I surveyed my community, asked very specific question as to why women, non binary, people of color, felt unwelcomed; I got very specific answers: clickey mindset etc. I love the fact that I'm working in an area which I believe is easier to influence than politics of a whole country; however, I've been facing a lot of far-right rhetorics, insensitivity from men who define themselves as rationalists, and in generally, just ignorance about feminism. They take dating advice from right-wing economists, it's crazy. Everyday I have to say why it's important to have women in the workplace, why we should focus on diversity issues etc So I've got my own people, great women for sure, but they don't work with me and they don't intervene much. **Do you have resources (books podcast whatever) to make me keep faith in my job, and keep my mental health clear? Not feel overwhelm by sexism and misogyny? I** know positive stuff happens but it's so easy to focus on negative stuff... Would love to hear from women who work in STEM-dominated fied and try to include diversity despite the backlash and hostility! Hugs on you, sisters!!",,11,PhilipTheFair,2023-12-01 21:04:19 Feminism,187xws6,(rant) im sick of bimbo liberal feminism,"as a young teenage girl it's genuinely so fucking draining and discouraging to see other teenage girls and ADULT WOMEN encouraging women to sit at home or an office and be materialistic and constantly lewd themselves and call it feminism. i'm not a prude and i don't think modesty is the only way but im sick of saying i don't want young women to be exposed to sex work and told that's a feminist empowering job and being told i'm a bad person for it. i have a lot of respect for women who can work in that industry because i know how hard it is and that's one thing but advertising that as something cute and quirky annoys me so bad. it's okay if you want to sit at home and be a very materialistic stereotypically feminine woman because women deserve to live the life they choose and do what makes them happy, i just don't like that that's the new feminist thing on social media when it's really just regressing back into negative perceptions of women. i don't know if this made sense because im kinda just being mad but i hope people understand my point. i respect every feminist but women aren't dumb objects of male desire who's purpose in life is to be pretty and kind all of the time.",,482,playtoyswithme,2023-12-01 00:26:50 Feminism,1881bgk,"Most online hate targets women, says EU report",,https://www.swissinfo.ch/eng/reuters/most-online-hate-targets-women--says-eu-report/49016566,282,katespadesaturday,2023-12-01 03:05:38 Feminism,188iwlp,"A ""Family Values"" top Florida Republican is accused of rape by a woman involved in a consensual 3-way with his Moms for Liberty book-banning wife","How dare these people try to tell us what our kids can read and what we can do with our own bodies! [https://www.thedailybeast.com/florida-gop-chair-christian-ziegler-accused-of-rape](https://www.thedailybeast.com/florida-gop-chair-christian-ziegler-accused-of-rape)",,16,Entire-Ad2551,2023-12-01 18:31:29 Feminism,188jk79,"Mary Cleave, 'trailblazing' astronaut and scientist, dies at 76",,https://www.astronomy.com/space-exploration/mary-cleave-trailblazing-astronaut-dies-at-76/,13,lgramlich13,2023-12-01 18:59:54 Feminism,187qmfe,"""Women are less visual than men are"" A pervasive patriarchal myth?","Women have been taught and by patriarchy to be less visual. Think about all the fairy tales. Princess and the frog. Beauty and the beast. I have a nagging feeling we've just been indoctrinated to not care about male looks so that we'll settle for less. I'm so sick of it and hurt. Any more examples of this? I think Billie Eilish is completely right.",,886,poppy738163,2023-11-30 19:20:26 Feminism,188fp74,"The life lessons that I discovered from being a whore. On sexual pleasure, boundaries and empathy.",,https://shado-mag.com/opinion/the-life-lessons-that-i-discovered-from-being-a-whore/,16,shado_mag,2023-12-01 16:14:54 Feminism,1881fx2,Discrimination at Apple,,/r/womenintech/comments/187s5r8/discrimination_at_apple/,11,rhyme_pj,2023-12-01 03:11:52 Feminism,187hzmi,"Why do men comment on facebook pics with ""hot"" or ""sexy"" even though the last 68 men to do so received no attention whatsoever?","It can't even be considered a control thing, because there is no ability to control - I don't think?",,79,cheetocat2021,2023-11-30 13:00:53 Feminism,1879rsj,Am I crazy for not wanting to be a man’s personal stress ball?,"Like literally though. Why do heterosexual men think that unconditional access to their partner’s body is just the default in a relationship? Like does no one think it shouldn’t be the norm for men to just reach and grab at you when you’re just going about your day? It’s like pathological for them they don’t even think about it they just need that immediate sexual gratification. And they never ask first, they never asked you if it’s ok with you they just start doing it one day and act shocked when you’re like “hey can you not grab my ass when I’m in the middle of dishes?” Really makes you think about how much our bodies are sexual objects to them compared to theirs to us. I can’t fathom compulsively grabbing at him the way he does me, when there is absolutely no indication of a sexual or romantic vibe. It’s just out of the blue. My partner has gotten better about it, he doesn’t do it anymore but he still asks to when I’m just tryin to exist and when I say no he pouts. It’s just now occurring to me how insane it is that this is so accepted in cis het relationships like I see jokes about it online all the time. Idk I just want to take my shirt and bra off in my apartment and not be oogled the way that men can.",,350,Evie376,2023-11-30 04:29:28 Feminism,187far5,"If there where no men on earth, how would your beauty-Routine change?","Thinking about the inner-voyeur concept! If you would dress etc just for yourself and not the attention/treatment by our society, how would that turn out? For example, I don't think I would wear make up anymore, but I would dress way more feminine (dresses, blouses etc). And I wouldn't even think about getting a boob job. Don't really know what to do about this now, but I'm sure I should think about this more. Curious about your thoughts!",,71,HelgaPataki1990,2023-11-30 10:15:05 Feminism,187bv33,"British hospitals where worker had sex with 100 corpses failed to protect those it cared for, report finds",,https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/british-hospitals-worker-sex-100-corpses-failed-protect-cared-report-f-rcna127061,120,RiseEnvironments,2023-11-30 06:24:31 Feminism,187a8n7,How can I live happily and safely in this reality where sex offenders are everywhere?,"*I would appreciate comments from who have understanding of sexual abuse. I have been sexually abused many times since I was a child. Every time I go out, I am harassed and intimidated. I see and hear about sexual abuse every day. There is a lot of sexually abusive content everywhere. There is a lot of sexually abusive language and behavior in everyday people's communication. Every time I discuss about them, I get denied, blamed, and sexually abusive messages. No matter how hard I try to avoid them all, I can’t escape and protect myself from them. I am filled with disgust, fear, and despair every day. How can I live happily and safely in this reality?",,96,[deleted],2023-11-30 04:54:11 Feminism,187n5zr,Jezebel to Be Resurrected by Paste Magazine,,https://www.nytimes.com/2023/11/29/business/media/jezebel-resurrected-paste-magazine.html,9,asanefeed,2023-11-30 16:52:52 Feminism,187ln28,"A chat with Constance Thompson, senior vice president of DEI at ACORE",,/r/women/comments/187lmmo/a_chat_with_constance_thompson_senior_vice/,10,Natural_Dark_2387,2023-11-30 15:48:40 Feminism,187p8rb,"❤️‍🔥 on Instagram: ""(11/30/2023) - thoughts on girlhood""","Hey im starting this project on my social media and i could use some badass women (& people of any/all genders) to help spread my writing, only if you like it or it resonates, but i figure if i could ask anyone for help with this i could ask yall ❤️‍🔥🦋🧠",https://www.instagram.com/p/C0R3TnqP4Pq/?igshid=NzBmMjdhZWRiYQ==,4,makenana,2023-11-30 18:21:14 Feminism,187jc27,Quit making us feel bad for getting angry due to our bodies natural functions and societal lessons.,"Us girls need to stick together and stand up for what's right! This is not me excusing women yelling at men or men yelling at women in the wrong context or belittling the person. In fact, I think we could teach to not yell and scream to our kids permanently but unfortunately most parents yell at their kids and this will always bleed into society. This is me excusing people yelling when they are betrayed, their image is tarnished on television where millions of viewers are watching, parents yelling at them growing up, testosterone is flowing through their veins and any other proper reason. There is a difference between yelling and screaming. And yelling or raising your voice a little is completely acceptable. What I am trying to say is you're allowed to get mad and yell at someone who screws you over. (As long as it's reasonable.) In todays day and age people will make you feel bad for yelling or cussing at them when they originally were the person who screwed you over. I've noticed as well in previous seasons of plenty of reality t.v. where women will mostly be allowed to yell and scream, but when men do it- a lot of times they get belittled, emasculated, and have misandrist comments thrown at them. In a world were equality is important, both sexes should be able to express their emotions to each other without disdain. This happens a lot more with men because men are more quick to anger. It's sad how everyone forgets that testosterone make you aggressive. **Testosterone activates the subcortical areas of the brain to produce aggression**, while cortisol and serotonin act antagonistically with testosterone to reduce its effects. Would you get mad at a bull for being angry? It's naturally going to happen. So why make people feel bad for it if it's in reason? THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT PARTS OF THIS POST- What percentage of people yell at their kids? The Journal of Marriage and Family study revealed that almost **90 percent** of the nearly 1,000 parents surveyed said they'd yelled, screamed or shouted at their kids in the previous year. Of families with children older than seven, nearly 100 percent of parents said they could count themselves as confirmed yellers. This teaches people to yell. Add that into a cocktail of testosterone, stress, image being tarnished and teachers and football coaches screaming at you. (Those being your role models growing up) I worked at multiple daycares and there are so many teachers screaming at the kids everyday. This will subconsciously inspire these kids into their adulthood to do the same. It's not okay. If we could all just be the black sheep generation who stops yelling! Hah. In a perfect world I guess. This is NOT me defending mental abuse, or abuse. This is me saying to not let anyone make you feel bad for getting angry or yelling when you feel hurt.",,9,Sad-Fish6669,2023-11-30 14:06:58 Feminism,186tz6o,Health complications arising out of pregnancy and child birth needs to be more talked about,"Till a few years ago, I was in the dark about more than half of pregnancy related health issues that women face. And I was in my mid 20's then and a graduate with high paying job. Throughout my life, the society, religion and media fed this fairy tale about pregnancy, that all of the *Happily ever after* scenarios for myself or otherwise involved having a bunch of kids. After learning just how many ways a pregnancy can go wrong or just general health issues that comes with it, I believe talking more about the dark realities of pregnancy and spreading information about unpleasant facts associated with pregnancy and labour can encourage many women make a well informed educated decision about conceiving. Many people don't fit to be parents. Many women don't know why they've kids. They end up passing generational trauma to kids or resent the kids for their choices. And if we go further,Child care and difficulties of new mothers also need to be discussed more imo. What do you think? Does anyone have unpleasant experiences of pregnancy and delivery?",,292,Luffytheeternalking,2023-11-29 16:49:19 Feminism,187h630,Have you ever been mansplained to at work?,Have you ever been mansplained to at work?,,9,nickywttj,2023-11-30 12:15:30 Feminism,1876vyv,"""The Broken Rung"" Is Why Women Are Denied Promotions",,https://www.buzzfeed.com/monicatorres2/why-women-dont-get-promoted,33,katespadesaturday,2023-11-30 02:07:37 Feminism,186zd3k,Child marriage: 'I was sold into marriage for £7 at the age of 12',,https://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-67549633,68,BurtonDesque,2023-11-29 20:35:53 Feminism,186zc1h,Feminist site Jezebel to be revived after sale,,https://www.bbc.com/news/business-67568792,44,BurtonDesque,2023-11-29 20:34:36 Feminism,186w1xn,What kind of means do you think you would use to guess whether someone is more likely than not to have done some sort of sexual misconduct?,"Eric Adams got sued for it last week. I basically know nothing about him, just that he is a Democratic mayor NYC, his primary had ranked ballots, he is black, and was a police captain in the 1990s, and he was a state legislator a decade ago. Given I certainly do not have the evidence, and am not a forensic analyst anyway, what kinds of things can be like philosophical razors? Especially given that false balance and neutrality can be a bad thing at some point when there really is evidence to support some side or another. ",,15,Awesomeuser90,2023-11-29 18:14:09 Feminism,1866nit,"Allie Phillips was denied a life-saving abortion. She’s now running for office in Tennessee | Allie Phillips is running for office in her district in Clarksville, She spoke about how she’s one of the first women to run for office who has been directly impacted by the overturning of Roe v. Wade",,https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/abortion-ban-allie-phillips-tennessee-b2449014.html,620,Majnum,2023-11-28 21:03:45 Feminism,186ftas,Girls less likely to be diagnosed with special educational needs – new research,,https://theconversation.com/girls-less-likely-to-be-diagnosed-with-special-educational-needs-new-research-217156,122,lgramlich13,2023-11-29 03:34:56 Feminism,18609jy,Looking at the “popular” page is unbearable for me,"I usually stick to my feed and occasionally flip to the new and the popular section. Over time, I’ve noticed the popular page becoming more and more sexualized and anti women - * Jokes and comics about women being dumb, hard to get, etc. * Complaints about being “friendzoned”. * How to get a wife to do ______ , when the husband doesn’t even do basic shit like taking out the trash. * Women making terrifying posts and asking if they’re “crazy” because their partner forced anal and they didn’t like it Did anyone else notice this about the popular page? I usually flip back immediately but I don’t remember it being THIS bad.",,515,pushk_a,2023-11-28 16:36:12 Feminism,186crbm,"Purity Culture is R*pe Culture, and the Toxic Incel Problem Comes Directly From It","So I think I am seeing what is going on with the whole toxic manosphere Incel thing. 1.) You have the most unaffordable housing market since the Great Depression with over half of millennials and gen z financially dependent on parents, facing a significant amount of social alienation 2.) Large portions of the parents are conservatives who believe in and enforce purity culture, which is essentially the traditional gender roles and the men and women have to hold out until marriage 3.) Women and men naturally have to experiment to get to the point of feeling comfortable and financially stable enough to have a wedding or a lifelong commitment, but the process is forbidden as a contingency of basic needs like housing being met with large portions of millennials and generation z working in the service sector, in school, or in the gig economy The result is... you have a lot of people who cannot find fulfilling relationships, and are stigmatized for it, and being told to internalize what are systemic problems (""you need to work on yourself""). The result is a large portion of people turned to toxic alt right grifters like Jordan Peterson and Andrew Tate, and become angry at women for not complying So you have an older generation cohort that is enforcing celibacy on the young, repeatedly involved in metoo scandals with the vast majority of the wealth, assets, and institutional power, while millennials and gen z are left kind of disoriented and confused In my opinion, the Incel phenomenon has to do with this gaslighting where they are the victims of the purity culture enforcement, and so they are taking out their frustrations on women rather than the older generation who is doing this who - if you look at the loudest proponents of purity culture, are basically always involved with hypocritical sexual scandals This issue happened with my own dad. He enforced celibacy as a condition of living with him when I could not afford anywhere else to go especially while a full time student, and then he is bragging that his 50+ year old buddies are hooking up with women half his age outside of marriage. So you had guys like me (""involuntarily celibate"") not really sure what to do as the requirements to both have living needs met and having any intimacy and affection were to get married up front, when none of the women were willing to do that and it isn't clear how to explore any potential partner when key aspects of identity in sexuality are not allowed to be expressed https://preview.redd.it/11dgrrp9t63c1.png?width=678&format=png&auto=webp&s=88cc0b72702aedd74f581519af9967cb95b08dd4",,78,Accomplished_Map6524,2023-11-29 01:15:42 Feminism,186bl2y,Houston area woman fight to hold school accountable for special needs daughter's sexual assault may go to US Supreme Court," I attended the middle school where this happened!!! It happened before I was there which means that I probably used the stall where this happened. I'm praying that this family gets justice. I'm in high school in this district and now I have even less faith in them protecting my safety if they don't even protect kids with special needs.",https://www.click2houston.com/news/investigates/2023/11/28/houston-area-mothers-fight-to-hold-school-accountable-for-daughters-assault-may-go-to-us-supreme-court/,77,depressedpebbles73,2023-11-29 00:23:00 Feminism,1864o53,Texas AG’s office argues women should sue doctors — not state — over lack of abortion access,,https://thehill.com/homenews/state-watch/4331412-texas-ags-office-argues-women-should-sue-doctors-not-state-over-lack-of-abortion-access/,127,Ecstatic_Choice_5482,2023-11-28 19:40:09 Feminism,185xbv4,"This Detroit school for pregnant teens had a 90% graduation rate, and a 100% college acceptance rate; it got shut down because funding cuts",,https://outliermedia.org/catherine-ferguson-academy-detroit-history-pregnant-teens/,285,Black_Reactor,2023-11-28 14:28:48 Feminism,1863ekw,Lawsuit challenging Texas abortion bans appears before state Supreme Court,,https://abcnews.go.com/US/lawsuit-challenging-texas-abortion-bans-appears-state-supreme/story?id=105154571,38,audiomuse1,2023-11-28 18:48:09 Feminism,1866q4x,I have a question for people on the sub what made you become a feminist and why and what do you think can be done to help others understand more what it’s about,I’m genuinely curious and want to understand more,,25,[deleted],2023-11-28 21:06:44 Feminism,185utmg,On the topic of religion,"From what I can understand, the majority of religions are patriarchal/antifeminist. This includes but is not limited to Christianity, Islam, and my own religion, Hinduism. My question is, is there a religion that in its original/base form feminist, or at least anti patriarchy?",,81,Amazing_Jump_2127,2023-11-28 12:24:15 Feminism,185tr8t,Anthropologists debunk the myth that men did all the hunting in prehistory. So why did we think otherwise? And should feminists care?,,https://onhumans.substack.com/p/did-women-evolve-to-hunt-a-conversation,72,Ma3Ke4Li3,2023-11-28 11:18:48 Feminism,18604ws,This dev conference organizer seems addicted to making up women,,https://www.theverge.com/2023/11/28/23978254/devternity-jdkon-developer-conference-fake-women-speakers,28,katespadesaturday,2023-11-28 16:30:54 Feminism,186e5q5,Its time to take a stance on a particular religion which keeps supressing women,"[https://www.reddit.com/r/exmuslim/comments/1869zrm/the\_dawah\_gang\_back\_at\_it\_with\_the\_misogyny\_101/](https://www.reddit.com/r/exmuslim/comments/1869zrm/the_dawah_gang_back_at_it_with_the_misogyny_101/) &#x200B; Please look at this video, There is a huge issue with islamic teachings. Women are treated as lesser and have to comply to subhuman conditions. Please see the video. We need change.",,4,SeaEmu5903,2023-11-29 02:19:54 Feminism,185cupd,The story of Adam and Eve is to take the divinity of human creation away from women,"I was on an edible the other day… Thinking about how the story of Adam and Eve is another antidote in the Bible that forces the perspective of Men being superior. Gawd took the rib from Adam to “create” Eve…thus giving men the one thing they cannot accomplish….the birth and creation of life. “Adam was here first, he wanted a companion so one was made from him” this gives Eve subservient vibe while also giving men the complex of being “creator” Spoiler alert, she also ate the fruit of knowledge and “ruined everything” (aka the devil gave them the option to leave the slavery and naivety of this “gawd” and see freedom/life for what it is) and punished forever in order to “make life” by going through the menstrual cycle. This also allows men to push off period issues as being “our own fault” that we somehow “deserved” I remember going to a church where they told women to “suck it up” if they are having hormone imbalances or pain from their period…because men shouldn’t have to “deal with that” I think that was one of the last straws to push me to deconstruct It’s just fun to find new realizations on the Bible that people think is 100% true and literal that have obvious hidden agendas and biases This might be silly, but it sure rocked my socks for some reason lmao",,603,Dismal-Car-3153,2023-11-27 20:32:11 Feminism,185sauj,"If you were to peg specific times as to when women's rights became normalized in the world, when would that be?","I tend to think of the First World War as the kickoff for when it was able to get enough support to start winning around the world. Women's suffrage was pretty rare before, the western half of America, New Zealand and Australia, Finland, and a few other places mostly in local elections for certain kinds of women, especially those who were widowers or owned enough property. It took an event that catastrophic, which killed the same proportion of people as if today over 600 million people were killed in less since 2013, to make them really win. The struggle was there long since before and carries on today but it's the seminal moment in my view. ",,29,Awesomeuser90,2023-11-28 09:40:54 Feminism,1864vgx,Confusion and Co-Fusing Topics,"From No More Nice Girls p184. ""It's far from a secret that Fortune 500 companies with at least three or more corporate directors who are women --- the point at which workplace culture actually starts to s Paraphrasing earlier ""One woman at the top struggles with change while an actor network hive working together can a different work culture. That hasn't happened either. They also told her that employees would take advantage of her policies. But she's barely been able to keep up with growth. Without a diverse perspective is it possible to fully meet such complaints? In this case, top down management alone, vs multi-tiered service leadership. If an office utilizes a monthly changing mural for both team building and marketing does this factor effect a democratic relationship in terms of achievement/networking and goodwill? IE balancing an effort towards ancient forest alliance with multi-month campaign limited by its own potential for success, in cycles of advertising focus. Is such an act of intelligence gathering within ones organization (seeing personal values and focus, capacities and initiative of staff, as well as achievement orientation and conflict management) any important facet in creating first initiatives at lower levels? A more radically integrative question may ask the following. In the next page the author talks of tried and true ideas (such as breastfeeding rooms and child care) as being a good place to take first steps. However, if one may need to impact the basic assumptions of men, with a simple resilient integrity that is its own protest, then what of shared duties? Is it manly to teach a child how to throw a paint ball at the bottom half of a mural, or how to paint by numbers or lines? Where a woman's group may support part of day care and potentially support both wider employee care, as well as team structure and meaning, may it simply be present and available for men? Here, the capacity for inclusion may give better prospects for the man who makes first attempts to teach ball throwing. What radical attempts to integrate and evolve are most worthy of regular experimentation whether in the office, in a rehabilitative prison, or in an inclusive club house setting?",,3,Next_Spell2019,2023-11-28 19:48:34 Feminism,185l2v5,Non-Smoking Women Are Getting Lung Cancer - But Are Going Unscreened,,https://www.forbes.com/sites/evaepker/2023/11/27/non-smoking-women-are-getting-lung-cancerbut-are-going-unscreened/?sh=c68934858dc9,68,katespadesaturday,2023-11-28 02:22:49 Feminism,1850o9z,Living as a Korean woman is a disaster,"If you mention feminism in Korea, everyone blames you. This is almost like a witch hunt. Korean men firmly believe that they are socially underprivileged and are discriminated against more than women.",,857,Fine_Razzmatazz_693,2023-11-27 11:17:29 Feminism,185g10n,Michigan Gov. Whitmer Signs Bills Aiming to Codify Abortion Into State Law,,https://themessenger.com/politics/michigan-gov-whitmer-signs-bills-aiming-to-codify-abortion-into-state-law,77,audiomuse1,2023-11-27 22:38:16 Feminism,1859n29,Why do some women vote against their interests?,,https://www.reclaimingthenewsletter.com/p/why-do-some-women-vote-against-their,128,Careless_One6439,2023-11-27 18:20:02 Feminism,1857sa3,Blurred Lines,"I’m always really surprised when I’m in a supermarket, or at the dentist or doctor’s office and the song Blurred Lines comes on. Its disturbing SA/ r*pe culture message seems inappropriate to play in public or at a medical office, no? Just came on while I am at the dentist. Wondering if anyone else feels like this, or if I’m overreacting?",,128,Otherwise-Ad-6625,2023-11-27 17:04:39 Feminism,185e801,i was catcalled today.,i’d never been cat called before but i’ve always felt sympathy with those who have. I wish this upon no one. It’s absolutely humiliating.,,45,sharkbitesss,2023-11-27 21:26:30 Feminism,185nfxv,what resources have helped you heal wounds surrounding your femininity?,"Hi all - I would love to start a conversation where we can share some of our favorite resources/advice for healing feminine wounds. I’ve recently woken up to just how misogynistic of an environment i’ve grown up in (and as a result was unconsciously internalizing). I began reading the book “F*ck like a goddess” by Alexandra Roxo, as I’d been wanting to heal some wounds around sexuality (to be honest actually, I picked it because of how uncomfortable it made me feel). I knew that the discomfort I felt was going to make me grow. *That being said, I feel the need to note that i’ve come to understand the difference between internal resistance that fuels complacency vs intuitive protection. Anyway, after really getting into it, i’m truly blown away with how this book has cracked me open. I had not realized the amount of wounds that were rooted solely in my femininity. I am hoping to dive deeper into this subject and explore the world of feminism with the help of members from this group. I imagine this could be a very helpful thread for future members.",,9,directedintention,2023-11-28 04:22:50 Feminism,1859bbz,Small comments that sum up beliefs," I am a teen girl who is applying to universities and was talking to someone who has been applying to similar ones to me. We have been communicating through snapchat for a month or so, which includes audio messages. Yesterday, we were talking and he asked what I looked like, and I sent a photo. He proceeded to tell me I look like a doll and then made a comment that “my voice didn’t match my looks”. I asked him what he meant and he said “my voice was very authoritative, principled, and knowledgeable, and in my photo I look doll-like and very young.” Am I crazy or was this blanketed misogyny? I understand he meant me looking like a doll as a compliment, but regardless of their looks, women should be respected and not taken at surface value. I just feel like women are boiled-down to their looks, and I think this example proves that. I also understand this guy had no mal intent and I am not going to say anything, but just thought I would share.",,61,annasamuels,2023-11-27 18:06:48 Feminism,185mwvk,"What are some of Mary Wollstonecraft's ""A Vindication of the Rights of Woman"" that can be criticized based on radical feminist ideas?","I recently read this book. I was very impressed with the book, but it was obviously written a long time ago, so I disagree with some of it. Also, I'm curious to hear what others think. What criticisms can be made of the book, especially from a radical feminist perspective?",,9,Eyasluna939,2023-11-28 03:54:00 Feminism,185871k,Why Organized Religion is the Most Misogynist Institution Man has Ever Created,,https://youtu.be/ImjzOv8Ghg8?si=4_-W8SQaCXrKkFN-,41,lgramlich13,2023-11-27 17:21:33 Feminism,184yy32,Unexpected lack of misogyny in college,"Hello, I’m 19F and currently a college student. I was surprised when I realised how less misogynistic and more progressive guys at college are compared to guys in my high school. The majority of guys here are left-leaning, pro-choice, supportive of LGBTQ+ etc., as opposed to high school boys. This is a good thing, but I also find it very odd. I don’t know what happens to guys within these years and they suddenly become so much more progressive than they were. Is it maturity? Education? Experience? (I didn’t move to a different country or something, so this is not like a cultural thing). The difference is so big that I wonder if guys are just hiding their beliefs better or something and they’re not actually as progressive as they seem. The fact that I also read many posts and comments online that say how the majority of college guys are misogynistic and homophobic doesn’t help and confuses me even more, because that doesn’t sound like the guys around me. Have any of you had a similar experience? Do you have any explanation for it? Answers from men would be very helpful here, as they are exposed to the unfiltered conversations between men and are aware of their real beliefs and not just the ones they show in the presence of women.",,158,No-Adagio-3157,2023-11-27 09:19:52 Feminism,184t13d,Selma Blair Says Her MS Was Misdiagnosed for Years as Menstrual Issues,,https://www.vulture.com/2023/11/selma-blair-multiple-sclerosis-medical-gaslighting.html,438,katespadesaturday,2023-11-27 03:10:57 Feminism,185900u,Examples of Misogyny,"Hi there! I'm Eli, I'm a 24 years old filmstudent from Belgium :) Currently I'm **working on a movie about misogyny and the treatment of women in society by men** in this patriarchy. A section of the film will be **Found Footage style videos depicting very obvious examples of misogyny posted on social media**. Think: podcast vids, movie clips, gopro footage, youtuber content etc. I don't only want the clickbait-y Andrew Tate stuff but footage that really makes you go silent and think about *just how* horrible some men think about women... Do any of you have some 'good' videos for this? I'd be eternally greatful and give u a mention in the credits if u want hahah Thanks so much! Eli",,28,Virtual-Block7511,2023-11-27 17:54:10 Feminism,184x319,Thoughts on this?,,https://i.redd.it/dwy6ui90bu2c1.png,186,BecuzMDsaid,2023-11-27 07:07:33 Feminism,185l48x,Possible Game Changer for all People who Menstruate (tampon vending machines!),"I've been a longtime advocate of ""Free the Tampons,"" and hate to support a solution that creates a barrier for women seeking feminine products, but feel that something like this would be a great alternative to the empty, rusty machines in public bathrooms these days. I saw this on Pinterest and haven't been able to stop thinking about it...Thoughts? https://preview.redd.it/bhyayb4ezz2c1.jpg?width=870&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=29d645673fb4a9a4fdf2efbf76def5aef15c6feb",,5,Apprehensive-Point50,2023-11-28 02:24:36 Feminism,184h21j,The way men talk about women makes me completely disinterested in dating.," “That phase where you start hating your girlfriend” “A man can cheat and still love you” “We out here emotionally traumatizing these hoes” “What do you bring to the table besides some box?” And these are just some examples I’ve heard online and from male coworkers. There are so many others. Do men even like women? It doesn’t fuckin sound like it. I want to be with someone who likes me. Likes talking to me, likes my sense of humor, likes hanging out with me. Someone who, even if we weren’t together/he wasn’t attracted to me, he would still want to hang out with me because he likes me as a person. I want someone who shows affection and does nice things, not because he expects something in return, but because he wants to make me happy. Is that too much to ask??? I say this to my friends who date and they’re all like, “fat fuckin chance,” “good luck with that.” It’s just sad and frustrating",,1065,NoMommy-,2023-11-26 18:22:48 Feminism,184wglb,Freeing myself from the male gaze and validation,"As a woman its pretty much beaten into us that our value stems from whether or not men find us attractive. Even as a lesbian, i find myself wondering if men i pass on the street or see at the gym think im pretty, and being so ashamed if i leave the house looking a little messy. I want to just exist as a person without seeing myself as a rateable object for every loser i walk past. Any tips on how to escape that headspace, and how to stop sacrificing my own happiness and comfort to save the egos of men around me?",,105,bambibruh,2023-11-27 06:26:50 Feminism,185dk2x,My dad,"I love my dad. I really do. He's an honestly amazing man who just wants to make the world a better place. However, I don't know how to talk to him about feminism. It feels like he's pretty defensive about not all men... which I get, but I feel kind of sad knowing he'll never fully understand what it's like.... my mom's not great either, she calls herself a feminist but is very passive and doesn't really have any strong feelings on the matter, and when she does it's usually some white liberal feminist thing. Is there any way I can help my parents understand why this issue really matters to me?",,7,Sugarcookiebella,2023-11-27 21:01:08 Feminism,184t0b4,Men's reaction to safety concerns,"It annoys me so many men (obviously not all) are oblivious or downright hostile about women taking safety precautions. We're painted as alarmist and discriminatory for being cautious, yet we know we have to be, because the second something goes wrong the woman is always asked why she was in the situation and how she could have managed risk better. This came to the surface recently for me because an online friend of a few months (never met in person) wanted me to go for a ride in their car. I explained standard policy is to never get into a car with someone unless I know them very well, you don't know if they are a safe driver or person. They are pissed and haven't talked to me in days. I think they're taking it far too personally. Probably time for me to block and delete.",,112,snaphappyadventurer,2023-11-27 03:09:59 Feminism,184xwfk,Am I being overly sensitive?,"I am a 27 y/o female working in a very male dominated field( 93% men 7% women) Situation: The supervisor announced to the team after the our Friday afternoon meeting that he and some folks were meeting up for drinks at twin peaks and everyone should come. Being the only woman, it feels weird for me to go... and even though i technically got an invite it feels like it's a guys night out sort of thing. Idk I feel excluded based off of the activity itself and can't seem to formulate an explanation into why it feels...icky",,36,rocketwoman23,2023-11-27 08:04:07 Feminism,184wl2v,How do I gather the courage to call out relatives when they say something racist/sexist/etc,"Basically the title. Tonight my dad’s side of the family gathered to celebrate my grandma’s birthday. My dad is a republican, watches FOX News constantly, is a bit of a man-baby (weaponized incompetence, has to be asked to do the things he does know how to do, both parents work but mom still does the majority of housework). Anyways, he said all black men look the same, and them brought up a Dave Chapelle (yuck) joke about it and thought it was funny. Obviously, I know what he said was racist, and I wanted to say something, but I didn’t. I just felt so uncomfortable, and I missed my opportunity. He’s one of those people who say that he forgets everything, so you have to talk about it in the moment. He does this all the time and I hate it, but it’s so hard to speak up. It’s probably because when I do speak up, he completely dismisses it. He says the r slur sometimes, and every time I say something, he sort of waves it off, so I haven’t been speaking up as much. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.",,39,Lollysakitty,2023-11-27 06:35:11 Feminism,184vvvq,Why does the movie Uptown Girls have such bad reviews?,"Brittany Murphy’s performance is phenomenal, and the chemistry she has with Fanning is amazing. The movie touches on topics that I have never seen other movies touch on. Like the parentification of children that are neglected. I get that it is considered a chick flick, but I just don’t understand why this film has a 13% score on rotten tomatoes. And 60% audience score. Anyone feel the same way as me? And anyone know why this movie gets so much hate?",,25,[deleted],2023-11-27 05:51:23 Feminism,184hlh0,"Her Ex-Husband Wrote a Hit Book About Abstinence. Now, She’s Telling Her Side of the Story.",,https://slate.com/human-interest/2023/09/joshua-shannon-harris-kissed-dating-goodbye.html,125,eddytony96,2023-11-26 18:46:31 Feminism,184tf9o,Best biographies of women/feminists?,"I want to read about women who were either really good at something, or just survived life in a different time, or wouldn’t give up on equality. But I just want to read more about different walks of life in the past. Any recs for informative or semi-novelistically written nonfiction? (That’s my favorite style).",,10,Powerful-Platform-41,2023-11-27 03:30:20 Feminism,1844t04,The centring of men never takes a break.,"I was at conference for my work. 98% of our profession is preformed by women. The speaker was also a woman talking about motherhood and the barriers that creates for women in the workforce. There were 2 men in the room. One of them would not stop talking, he continuously interrupted the speaker and other participants to tell stories of his own experience … his own experience of the barriers of motherhood…. At one point the room gave applause to the men purely for attending the conference and doing the same job all the women do. I wanted to scream. I could not believe the insanity of it all. Imagine if the carpenters union called up the female carpenters every meeting and applauded them for doing their job. Not for doing it well or making advancements in the carpentry industry. Nope applause just for existing.",,532,not-the-nicest-,2023-11-26 06:48:00 Feminism,18498cc,Italy rallies to condemn violence against women draw huge crowds,,https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-67530529,86,BurtonDesque,2023-11-26 12:01:55 Feminism,184batx,Post childbirth tummy,Coming to terms with stretchmarks and a soft and jiggly tummy post childbirth! Society has told me that that's not what a beautiful/sexy belly looks like. Society can sod off!,,41,PirateMilkyway,2023-11-26 13:59:26 Feminism,184b27x,Shapewear,"Because I'm a middle-aged woman I get inundated with advertisements for shapewear (thanks again to Kim Kardashian for making something else dangerous and hurtful to women a trend while she profits and women spend hard earned money on her bullshit). In today's ad, they went through the history of shapewear and how it's gone back thousands of years and how painful it used to be for women to wear corsets only to advertise to me how I should buy their product because it will shape me but not be as painful as the previous products. I should be as uncomfortable as possible and possibly damage my internal organs to appeal to the male gaze and apparently it is disgusting and shameful to have any kind of ""unsmoothness"" Fuck that.",,35,Educational-Start375,2023-11-26 13:46:40 Feminism,183wfsw,Nice conversation on the day aganist violence on women,"Before writing a paragraph, I'm not promoting misandry, I'm just explaining what is it and why it's not the same as misoginy. I'm not even sure if I can post it here but I wanted to post this somewhere since I'm still so angry and I think this is be a sub where I may have people supporting me. TW for basically SA and gen0cides.",https://www.reddit.com/gallery/183wfsw,260,saan718,2023-11-25 23:16:58 Feminism,184a0l4,i wrote a book on sexual violence,"you can give me feedback by texting on any social media , i may not be quick to reply but i will try to reply or listen you for sure, i did not get any publisher to publish my book but its in public domain and will always be free https://x.com/Veganabhinav/status/1650167520362631168?s=20 [https://drive.google.com/file/d/1BG4XdAFp\_LEjBIdo1o5P-dWxD3xy\_ehG/view](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1BG4XdAFp_LEjBIdo1o5P-dWxD3xy_ehG/view) my email : - **patelabhinav010@gmail.com** my instagram:-[https://www.instagram.com/vegan\_abhinav/](https://www.instagram.com/vegan_abhinav/) my twitter;- [https://x.com/Veganabhinav](https://x.com/Veganabhinav) i am very sorry if any of my words hurt you , please give me feedback if any such thing you find , i will listen and try to understand for sure thank you",,15,idonotknowhoami,2023-11-26 12:49:16 Feminism,183swca,How much misogynistic bullshit did you have to stomach at Thanksgiving with your conservative family?,I narrowly escaped comments about promiscuous women getting their 3 trimester abortions in Ohio.,,223,SleepPrincess,2023-11-25 20:36:47 Feminism,183twjv,To be a woman,"Being objectified has made me convinced that I am never gonna be seen as anything other than a sex object. Had my firts breakdown after a comment a boy (acquaintance) made about my body. Being 'bigger at the back' led to him telling me to show his friend my ""furniture"", he pointed the camera at me while he was on a video call. I was about to get up (not to show anyone anything but to do something else) then I realised what he meant and I sat down. He laughed at the thought of me getting up thinking I was about to do as he says. Ofcourse it was a joke to him. This on top of all the other numerous times I've been treated like an object just made it all too much for me. I had a breakdown moments after when I went to my room and then realised that I hate being a woman. In my early twenties and all I've ever felt like in relation to men is like an object. Girls (friends of mine) also comment on my body, the curves and how they would like to be 'built' like that. It doesn't feel nice, you don't know how much I suffer because of it. I hate this, I hate that men/boys my age, younger and older has made me feel like I'll never catch anyones attention because they like my personality. Only because I have something that they ""can"" ""look at"". Looked at like I'm a piece of meat as if I'll never have anything else to offer. Cat called every other day. I have male friends and they are just like the boy mentioned here. Not towards me, because we are friends. But, they laugh at other people making comments of women's bodies. They themselves objectify women. I hate men. I hate how they've objectified me. I hate that I feel worthless because of this. I am struggling to love my body. I hate the society we live in. I'm just tired, completely, utterly and emotionally tired.",,51,justforreads_,2023-11-25 21:22:45 Feminism,183zj0y,What is the opposite of sensitivity? What does it mean to be sensitised?,"Women are often criticised for being 'too sensitive.' I have been thinking about this term and what it means. When I have called out men for saying misogynistic things in passing they tell me that I am 'overreacting.' I am sure this is not a unique experience. We consequently correspond the word 'sensitive' with the antonym 'strong' or 'dominant.' I think that this is a patriarchal practice. If being able to recognise subtle misogyny is a sign of sensitivity, then I am happy to be sensitive. But we have been lied to. Because the opposite of one who is sensitised is *not* one who is dominant; rather, the opposite of one who is sensitised is one who is desensitised. The sensitised woman can recognise misogyny while the desensitised man - who conforms to the patriarchal thought - cannot recognise the offence of his actions. He cannot recognise the offence of his actions because he is too busy replicating the actions of his misogynistic predecessors; the same ancestors who, like him, receive no punishment. Which is not to absolve the man of his actions but to say that the patriarchy exposes him to misogyny so that he perpetuates the same behaviour, constantly subtly subjugating women, while never recognising his wrongdoing. I think this is where a lot of my anger with men streams from. It is not that they say offensive things in passing; rather, it is that when you announce their offence, they are so desensitised to the misogyny that they refuse to accept your critique. He refuses to admit to his wrongdoings and never attempts to engage in self-reformation. He will only defend himself and even go so far as to project the blame onto the woman. Thus, women not only have to lose in facing oppression, but they lose in having to be blamed by the oppressors - men - who caused the oppression in the first place. How is she ever supposed to be set free if men cannot even recognise their wrongdoings? ",,20,vicariaperpetuum,2023-11-26 01:48:55 Feminism,183w61b,Am I crazy?,"Sooo, i was at a football game with my husband and my brother. We won and went for after drinks in a local bar. I had to use the restroom and passed a bunch of Guys (that know my husband), my brother was walking behind me and my husband was outside. While minding my own business and walking past, one of these Guys ‘bumped into me’ with his ass and when I turned to see what was going on, hé and his friends were laughing. First, I tought I imagined it but because my brother confronted these Guys, and told me it was not OK, I starter to question my judgement. After I got back from the restroom hè came and apologized. I kind of shrugged and Said ‘ yeah ok’ to which hé replied: ‘ what, I said I was sorry, why are you being like this?’. I said ‘look, it’s fine ok, you want me to kneel for you?’ (Which is a common thing in Dutch). Hè gave me a foul look like I’m crazy and I went outside and ended my evening and went home. What does everyone think? Did I overreact? (Excuse any errors, not a native speaker)",,31,InjuryAppropriate398,2023-11-25 23:04:31 Feminism,183t6rn,How Chilean performance collective Las Tesis is growing a global feminist movement.,,https://shado-mag.com/act/how-chilean-performance-collective-las-tesis-is-growing-a-global-feminist-movement/,17,shado_mag,2023-11-25 20:50:27 Feminism,183flix,The toilets at my school are not female-friendly," So I'm currently at a boarding school for my A-levels. I moved to this school in September and amidst the many issues in the school, the most infuriating has to be the shape of the toilet bowls. The toilet 'hole' is basically out of reach if you don't have a penis, and there's more bowl shape and no slant to the toilet if you get what I mean. I have to position and reposition myself when I'm peeing to try and get the least amount of splashback, and the little splashback I get leaves me feeling gross and angry. I'm so sick of manufacturers for general commodities not giving two shits about the other 50% of the population that are going to use their products. It's a miracle I haven't gotten a UTI yet, unlike my English teacher who fell seriously sick the other day and was in a lot of pain from a UTI. I drink a lot of water bc it gets rather hot here, and also to flush out any potential infections, so I pee frequently, and each time it's a miserable and undignified experience. Has anyone else had such an experience? ",,145,Natural-Newspaper-10,2023-11-25 08:53:47 Feminism,1834tr3,Men ruined boobs,"Slightly incoherent rant moment: anyone else just get frustrated sometimes that we cannot view boobs objectively in this society? I don’t feel pissed about it 100% of the time but it bothers me that even me, A BOOB HAVER, can hardly look at other women’s boobs whether it be in pictures, films, art or in real life and not sexualize them. I feel like the male ABSOLUTELY RELENTLESS fixation and obsession with boobs has infected all of at least western society to not be able to view boobs in a neutral way, like the way we view men’s ‘boobs’. This spans from most women feeling like it’s ‘indecent’ to not wear a bra because of societal pressures, to it basically being universally unacceptable if not outlawed for women to walk around with bare chests the way men do in the summer (yes I know about European beaches, I am European, but you won’t see women bare chested in any other environment) I wish there was a way and I’m sure there is to just reimagine boobs. Yes they are sexy sometimes but they are also important parts of our bodies that should be allowed to JUST BE. I wish I could draino the internalized misogyny out of my brain 😭",,669,DependentInterview24,2023-11-24 23:05:14 Feminism,183697z,The depiction of strong women in media can still be sexist,"I see it in so many tv shows and movies, where there is a token woman character and they are portrayed as smarter, more mature, and/or wittier than the men. It signals that women only deserve a space if they are impressive to the men or through the lens of the male gaze. I think it's important to depict women as smart and witty, but that should not be the requirement to deserve respect or a voice. Futuruama for example. Fry is so so fucking average. Doesnt give a shit about anything, is incompetent, and really has no impressive qualities. Whereas Leia and Amy are demonstrably more intelligent than the men; with Amy working on her PhD (even though shes also portrayed as dumb at times and is sexualized frequently), and Leia being the captain of the ship. It just sucks to see that women can't just BE in the media without having to pander or perform for men. &#x200B;",,106,smokeythegirlbear,2023-11-25 00:07:03 Feminism,1830qnt,“We don’t need feminism anymore in the west”,"Hello everyone. The reason I’m writing here is because I’m frustrated, sad and angry. I (20F) live with grandma, mom, aunt, uncle and my male cousin (he’s one year bigger than me). My mom and I moved to my grandma’s house in 2014 because of my abusive father, we were basically forced to escape because we where risking our life there, my mom was broke at the time we moved here (now things are getting better!) and my uncle, who is a mommy’s boy, super possessive of his own spaces and of his mother, was never happy about the fact we moved there. (In the first month we moved there he accused my mom of stealing, and when they realized the thief was our old housekeeper he NEVER said something to mom) Mainly because he is a f*cking awkward man, narcissist and egoist (he calls himself God, not kidding) he is so jealous of his things and hated the fact that my mom couldn’t pay the bills at the time, along with my grandma (keep in mind we couldn’t even afford food when we had to move there). Since three years, after he started having some issues with his job, his presence started to literally oppress us. He’s always angry, nervous and screaming, but he especially pours out his anger at me and mom. Luckily he’s not violent in the physical sense, but he is really mean when it comes to words. These three years have been a living nightmare, fighting every single day and always getting and hearing insults. Nobody ever beats an eye because men in my family were basically raised up with the idea of being always respected, cuddled and protected, they say that it’s because women are more mature, but it makes no sense. But what hurts me the most is that I can’t defend neither my mother or me, because I, as a girl am not allowed, in my family, to get mad at a man or say stuff to him. The only time it happened (he called my mom “deficient” while she was not home) my anger exploded for my first time, after three years of suppressing my pain/anger and biting my tongue I snapped and started telling him to grow some balls and to have to courage to call my mom a “deficient” in front of her. I was expecting someone to defend me (my grandma especially) but they didn’t say anything. I cried in front of everyone because of the frustration and no one said anything. They love pretending nothing happened. All they did was saying that I shouldn’t have acted like this, because I’m just a young niece and am not allowed to react like this to an adult man. (But there have been some fights, between me and my adult aunts, and I was allowed to fight scream and whatever, nobody ever said anything like “you’re just a niece”). It’s tiring. Today has been another shit day because my uncle got mad that I spent “too much time” in the shower (we have three bathrooms, all of them with a shower, two of them empty) and said to my grandma that I am a deficient and he’s tired of me. When I heard that I was expecting somebody to defend me, but nothing (my mom wasn’t home, she’s the only one trying to defend me, but this machist mentality affects women too, sadly). I can’t defend myself because of the shit mentality in this family that believes I can’t do anything because he is an adult, male and “this is his personality”. The reason I’m writing this is because I get so tired when people say we don’t need feminism in the western world, we certainly do. It’s not simply about respecting elders, because even younger men (like my male cousins) in my family have the right to snap back at my aunts, but the moment I, as a girl, snap back at an adult male, it’s the end for everyone. I wish my family could realize how terrible this mentality is, but even when I say/imply something about the subject, they say I’m being exaggerated and that we don’t live in the 1800s anymore. Even though their mentality says something different. I know some of you are going to say that as a 20 years old I can move somewhere else, and I’m working on it! I’m studying danish and planning on moving there but I can’t phantom the idea of leaving my mom in this terrible place, we are collecting money together so we can leave, but the point is not about me wanting to move out. The point is that people love to think that the west is even too feminist and every time I complain, they say that third world women are having it worse. Which I COMPLETELY agree on, but changing the topic won’t change the fact that our society is far away from being equal. I hope my future kids won’t have to endure this and be a victim of this mentality, but I’m scared nothing will change. Sorry for the rant, I really needed to vent.",,92,Cheetahh03,2023-11-24 20:04:46 Feminism,182t6oj,Global women’s rights groups silent as Israeli women testify about rapes by Hamas,,https://www.timesofisrael.com/global-womens-rights-groups-silent-as-israeli-women-testify-about-rapes-by-hamas/,154,SockdolagerIdea,2023-11-24 14:22:43 Feminism,182yyu3,Giulia Cecchettin's killing sparks Italian reckoning over femicide,,https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-67514334,61,BurtonDesque,2023-11-24 18:46:18 Feminism,182ob13,Women think that women are difficult to work with.,"This is just a rant. But I am so tired of hearing women complaining about other women. I have heard gazillion times of my female coworkers, friends and etc saying how difficult to work with other women because “ they have principles”, “ they gossip behind ur back”, “ they don’t want to compromise”, “ they stab u in the back”, “ they are manipulative” and etc. I personally never had a problem working with women and it gave a relief time to time. However, today I listened to a brief rant of another coworker why she would prefer to work with the room of men. And she was a young woman which makes it even worse. Well u might say it is all effect of the patriarchal society but sometimes I ask myself, is it entirely tho? What else affects women’s mindset on women?",,271,Virtual_Leader9639,2023-11-24 09:22:33 Feminism,183077w,How should a person deal with internalised misogyny?,Is it something that can be dealt with? Or is it something that's indelible and will forever be ingrained in our minds?,,11,evrytng_els_was_takn,2023-11-24 19:40:42 Feminism,182px8j,BBC Series The Ascent of Woman,"Just started watching this [https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0693dsh](https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0693dsh) which is a documentary which looks at how gender inequality began in history. I'm not all the way through yet as it is a hard watch and TW it talks a lot about violence and oppression done to women, but I felt a lot of you here might appreciate it. ",,32,nettie_r,2023-11-24 11:17:09 Feminism,182per1,Capitalism and Feminism,"We always hear that Capitalism is bad for Feminism. I was having internal debates over it and suddenly I had an epiphany that one of the positive side effects of Capitalism is that women like me realizing they don't really like marriage/relationships and kids and would rather earn well to cultivate and realize my dreams. First of all, thanks to it I went on postponing the time by which I thought of getting married. That made me realize that I don't want to marry a momma's boy and sacrifice my career and life for him( I come from a conservative Asian country).It made me realize the bitter truth that I do not have enough money to raise a kid by myself if I happen to be a single mom(which is not far from what's happening with many of my friends) and also that I don't really like having kids. It made me realize that I don't have to be the *woman behind the man*. I resigned myself to be a *good* wife when I was younger. As in one who not only earns but also does domestic labor. But now? Now I believe I prefer laboring in an office and employing my time and brain for a better use(imo) than the fate I resigned myself to. It made me assertive and sure of my goals. I now have clarity and better vision of what I want my future to be like if I ever get married. I chose being financially successful and if it leads me to being single, so be it. Of course if I could have a partner who enriches and adds value to my life, I'm more than willing to get married. But such men are very rare around here. Do any of you think Capitalism indirectly helped you realize things about yourself?",,19,Luffytheeternalking,2023-11-24 10:41:58 Feminism,182amtf,"New research combined both physiological and archaeological evidence to argue that not only did prehistoric women engage in the practice of hunting, but their female anatomy and biology would have made them intrinsically better suited for it.",,https://anthrosource.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/aman.13915,154,lgramlich13,2023-11-23 20:52:28 Feminism,1828m85,Invisible Women by Caroline Criado-Perez,"Hey folks, so im a man and just started reading this book. For me, so far it has been very eye opening. So my question to those of you have read this book is, what parts of the book particularly resonated (and why, if youre willing to share)? Im just starting to learn more about the lived reality women are facing and want to educate myself, so im just looking for perspectives. (Side note: if you have other/similar books youd recommend, that would also be greatly appreciated). Thanks :)",,86,throwaway_22_33_44,2023-11-23 19:13:39 Feminism,182394w,My period is the bane of my existence,"I’m fourteen years old - I got my period a few days after my tenth birthday and I’ve absolutely hated it ever since. I already struggle with mental illness and on top of that my period brings EXTREME mood swings and it makes my life and others around me miserable. The pain and cramps are enough to make me start violently sobbing and heaving in the middle of class (speaking from experience because it has happened before). And while my period is USUALLY only about 6 days long, I bleed so so much, and I can only wear pads. I’ve tried cups, discs, tampons, you name it thousands of times but it hurts so bad to put them in and I can’t get them all the way in, it just won’t work. The length of my cycle varies; my period is very irregular. I went to summer camp in June and I started spotting for no reason, then had my period for two weeks after, and didn’t have another period for a couple of months. It just comes and goes when it wants and I’m so tired of it having control over my life and draining me. Any tips or suggestions? I’ll do anything to make it better, I’m desperate.",,178,Ellebelle9002,2023-11-23 15:11:28 Feminism,181y5z8,Hate patriarchal values in Holiday celebrations.,"I hate going to family gatherings during the holidays. The women do all the cooking and then all the cleaning while the men just sit around doing nothing and feeling entitled to the labor. They literally just sit there and watch us do all the work. I’ve decided it’s a tradition I’m just not interested in carrying on.",,398,Natural-Word-6456,2023-11-23 10:16:27 Feminism,181zx9g,Gender assumptions in Reddit norms (small rant),"One thing that really bugs me about this website is that, in most subs, it's very much the norm to assume that the OP and anyone they're talking about are male, unless explicitly otherwise stated. Sometimes even if explicitly otherwise stated. Commenters will just say 'he' all the time, as a default. I've even seen someone say 'he' for *a cow*, in the context of her nursing a calf! Well, I finally found an exception. It was [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/comments/181rdqy/a_dozen_is_20_im_speechless/) making fun of someone for not knowing that a 'dozen' means 12, and insisting that a 'dozen' is 20 and a 'half dozen' is 12. Wrong, obviously, but with no information at all about the person making this error, most of the commenters are using 'she'. I know it's petty but I just find it so upsetting!",,199,mhuzzell,2023-11-23 12:15:10 Feminism,181xesf,Why do people associate femininity with passivity?,"I was talking to this one guy and we were talking about masculinity versus femininity as well as the role of gender. Anyway, he said that he thinks femininity is being “passive”. I’m pretty freaking positive it’s not. One of the feminine qualities that is kind of similar but is actually different is receptivity. It’s being able to be influenced and adjust to something else; or in a relationship, being able to adjust one’s energy based on the energy of the person you’re with. In fact, passivity is a male problem. I’ve dated soo many guys who are passive beyond any measure. It’s insane, men take their worst qualities and project it onto women. I’m not saying there aren’t any passive women. But there is such a huge difference between passivity and receptivity and those morons (aka men) cannot distinguish between the two.",,251,Spirited-Reality-651,2023-11-23 09:24:18 Feminism,182978s,Vile Islamweb.net Fatwa Website in Qatar,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/1825ifa,16,Shell_hurdle7330,2023-11-23 19:42:00 Feminism,181in9l,Texas anti-abortion group official arrested for allegedly soliciting a child,,https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/texas-anti-abortion-group-official-arrested-allegedly-soliciting-child-rcna45035,343,audiomuse1,2023-11-22 20:20:28 Feminism,181stnd,Abortion rights activists raise money for three Florida clinics fined by the state,,https://www.orlandoweekly.com/news/abortion-rights-activists-raise-money-for-three-florida-clinics-fined-by-the-state-35297874,64,latentdream,2023-11-23 04:25:56 Feminism,1821er3,Thankful,,/r/EqualRightsAmendment/comments/18214kc/thankful/,9,imaginenohell,2023-11-23 13:39:42 Feminism,181geax,"""Smile!!"" -- help me explain why that comment bothered me","I am a female drummer and I posted an ig reel of myself playing a difficult transcription. Everyone who commented focused on time signature, rhythm, and sound quality except this guy (he's hired me to play before) who only said ""smile!!"". The comment made me feel gross and invaded on, but I just said ""If I were a guy would you tell me to smile?"". 20 people liked my response but he was still obtuse and said ""Sure! What does smiling have to do with gender"". I said ""What does smiling have to do with drumming?"". ANYWAY in response to that, he texted me (still acting completely umprompted) A PICTURE FROM MY FACEBOOK OF MYSELF SMILING AT THE CAMERA DURING A GIG. This felt even more encroached upon. I want to take this opportunity because he's an older guy who probably just doesn't understand why women don't like to be told to ""smile"". I don't know how to elegantly explain that I feel grossed out by his comment, even more grossed out that he went looking for a picture of me somewhere else, that it's unprofessional, that no one else commented on my appearance. I don't know how to explain WHY it bothered me. How can I explain this issue effectively to this gross guy? I know you guys get it \*\*P.s. girl musicians lets be friends on IG \*\*\*",,160,Odd-Debate2076,2023-11-22 18:43:06 Feminism,18168z8,Instagram: Frightening Misogyny,"I'm writing this on mobile, so forgive me if the formatting is wrong. Anyway, I saw a video on IG Reels yesterday that deeply disturbed me. Basically it was a guy arguing ""Without men, women wouldn't have rights. If we all collectively agree tomorrow you don't have rights anymore, you won't"". This lead to even more disturbing comments where women said ""well then we won't have your children"", to which men said ""we will just force you then"". Basically the deeper I got into the comments, the more I saw men boasting and encouraging the basic concept portrayed in The Handmaid's Tale. Essentially the disturbing realization I got from this was: raw physical strength is the base line determining factor of dominance. Men and women have access to the same tools of defense, so ultimately nature has provided men the final advantage which would make all the difference (in this scenario where they unanimously agree to subjugate women). It's hard and terrifying living with that reality, especially with how popular this narrative of hating women is becoming. These videos don't get a small amount of likes - it's in the tens of thousands. Men fully advocating for the mass r*ping of women to ""put them in their place"", and force them to endlessly give birth. How does one even cope with this reality? Every day I hate and resent that nature has made us so much physically weaker. It feels like we were doomed from the start to perpetually default to men to determine our fate.",,463,DramaticGap1456,2023-11-22 10:38:28 Feminism,181a6j5,I stopped consuming so much and I became a better feminist,"Somebody has probably already talked about this but I just had this epiphany. I think consumerism and following trends (especially for women) is setting us back because it perpetuates the notion that we are things to be *consumed*. I used to buy things and attach myself to trends to define myself but I never asked myself: who am I ""selling"" this archetype that I'm trying to be to? Why do I have this *need* to be a ""clean girl"" or look like ""Sthlm style"" or ""old money"". Why do I shave my armpit hair, wax my pussy and trying to make myself seem flawless, delicious or like this effortless fairy that doesn't have any body-odor etc... (that doesn't exist). Why? And then I realized that I had made myself into a *product* to be *consumed* by men, by society other women etc. I was no longer a *person.* I still love selfcare, but my routine is different. Instead of good smelling products I buy un-scented functional products that actually take care of my body, I have one perfume that I LIKE and the clothes I wear are stuff I feel confident in but is MY personal style independent of trends. The big investments are now usually things that enrich my hobbys or my creativity which reinforces that I am an actual person with so much more going on than what's on the outside. I am still a very feminin girl but I don't ""preform"" femininity in the same way because ultimately it's setting me back. If I had saved all that money I used on makeup, unnecessary hygiene products, clothes..etc I would have a downpayment for an apartment by now. ",,162,Prudent_Ad9524,2023-11-22 14:19:15 Feminism,1818jqs,Pet Hate: Men Who Call Us 'Sexist' - Especially When We're Calling Them Out On Misogyny,"Just like the nausea-inducing NotAllMen, this needs to be a 'thing' feminists talk about: Besides the fact that women can't be sexist or misandrist - the power structure is so that men are the oppress*ors* and we are the oppre*ssed,* there are plenty of men who malevolently use the term 'sexist'. The worst you can ever be towards a man is prejudiced... But, in most cases, I don't buy that: e.g. if a woman said ""men can't cook,"" it's not correct or right, but that comes from men enforcing traditional roles and being deliberately useless at domestic chores in order to avoid them. We're the ones who lose out more from women being 'prejudiced' to men! That just doesn't happen without a power structure of men over women. So, you'll be saying something about the Patriarchy, and how men as a collective act, and a man will call YOU sexist or misandrist. Utterly ridiculous. It's like how white people turn around and call BLM racist, or that we're becoming a minority ""in our own countries"" (ew). Make no mistake, men can learn, or already know and are being devious, that talking about Patriarchy is not sexist towards men. I am a white woman, and I know very well that you can't be racist to white people, and that talking about white supremacy is not racist to me. Never, ever let a man do this to you. I can't remember other examples off the top of my head, but this happens frequently. I might say something like ""men see women as objects"" and be called sexist. It's truly endless. Men hate being generalised, even though we absolutely must get across to them that misogyny is systemic. To truly reinforce my point, I'd like to remind men that the following are common interactions in our societies *still*: ""Women aren't good at maths"" - then all of the men/boys agree with each other, and add more examples, like driving and map-reading,etc. If you speak up for yourself, then they'll point to the supposed lack of female mathematicians and scientists. If you call this out as sexist, then they'll say you're crazy/overly-sensitive/refuse to hear 'the truth'. ""Men aren't good at cooking"" - then all the men/boys defend themselves and call that women sexist, even though they expect 3 meals a day cooked by their spouses/girlfriends. Men love to generalise anyone except themselves. Never forget that. ",,107,Key_Conference_1082,2023-11-22 12:58:50 Feminism,180wlbu,Opinion | Why Aren’t More People Marrying? Ask Women What Dating Is Like. (Gift Article),,https://www.nytimes.com/2023/11/11/opinion/marriage-women-men-dating.html?unlocked_article_code=1.-Uw.Tbza.fZXEVANOKWsd,511,katespadesaturday,2023-11-22 00:50:14 Feminism,180sk9i,How can i explain how beautystandards created by the patriarchy can cause hostility among women?,Im arguing with someone and they cant understand that men created besuty standards that are now upheld by both men and women and if a woman doesnt uphold it it can cause hostility by other women. How can i explain this to this person? Or am i wrong in my assessment?,,136,holiestMaria,2023-11-21 21:50:48 Feminism,180m00j,"UNSW sex offenders report unveils shocking number of men attracted to children, teens",,https://www.smh.com.au/national/the-shocking-number-of-australian-men-sexually-attracted-to-children-and-teens-20231117-p5ekum.html,119,Feminism388,2023-11-21 17:13:02 Feminism,180ok53,Young Men and Hostile Sexism,"I am a psychology researcher, and enjoy studying criminal justice and social issue. I’m trying to collect statistical, peer reviewed data for what I'm seeing. It appears as if young men as young as 11/12 are turning to hostile sexism more so than previously. They do it to teachers (apparently that's a huge problem) sisters, mothers, young kids, adults - really anyone Growing up evangelical Baptist, the Red Pill Manosphere is almost exactly what I heard growing [up. It was](https://up.it/) shaming, evil, hateful, violent, would rather women pass away than terminate a pregnancy. They thrive on a culture of women deserving abuse. However a lot of that in the past was benevolent sexism and infantilizing. Now I see growing numbers of men who are leaning towards hostile sexism and causing their own issue of loneliness. I see the famous, privileged Alpha Bro podcasts giving terrible relationships to encourage impressionable viewers that young women are nothing but servants and sex toys. I do believe that men will listen to good male leaders, but any time I look into those conversations, young men are trying to shut down the idea of self improvement. They attack the guy who is telling a straight man ""this is how to help your relationship"" and the response in a hostile way, attacking a happy man in a relationship to drag **him** down. Daily comments go from pedophilic desires, rape threats, invasive comments and pure vitriol. If a woman tries to make a post, article, or video about women's issues and that is the only time I see men talk about men's issues, other than the podcasts which are full of toxic information that will absolutely end in a break up. These Men's Rights Activists and WASPS are hindering the possibility of their relationships being successful. They convince men that they *need* to cheat because ""they have needs"". They shut down these healthy men in favor of listening to podcasts that validate their feelings and blame their shortcomings on ""used up hoes"".It seems like now more than ever in my studies and life that men are completely okay with admitting to their immoral behavior but expect the woman to be as pure as driven snow. I think we are in the midst of a pendulum swing. Remember all the SJW stuff that is really cringy now? I feel like the alt right pipeline of misogynists is getting more and more brazenly violent in words and actions. Only found one study about sexism of Gen Z was specifically in NC. Young voters are becoming increasingly less supportive of women in leadership. What are your thoughts: Tl:Dr - I'm noticing more hostile sexism among American men, especially Gen Z and young Millennials. Have you noticed this too? Do you think there will ever be studies about this in time?",,66,straightforshady,2023-11-21 19:03:13 Feminism,180lpn3,cmv: Why do certain men treat women this way?,"Have you ever encountered men that come up to you and then just completely disregard everything you value for? I can't believe it is almost 1 year since this historic moment: when Greta Thunberg did the feminist community a justice by hauling Andrew Tate to jail, and every single ""alpha"" who supported Bottom G shed tears for the first time. I'm not sure if you remember the former boxer who just suddenly decided to antagonize a 19-year old girl. I mean it is absurd to go after a 19 year old, who is a human rights activist and environmentalist who many people highly respect for the work that she has done. And yet, I still praise her because her response is quite hilarious It made me rethink back to this past 2 years. Why did we even think of influencing people like him in the first place? Or even romanticize Patrick Bateman from American Psycho? I'm thinking of that one scene where he's at a bar, and the bartender charges him for a drink, and as she turns away from him, you can hear him calling her a ""bitch"" and wanting to kill her, and much more morbid details. But then when she turns back towards him, they both exchange a somewhat friendly smile. Although in this scenario, his dialogue is coming from his intrusive thoughts, it sort of occurred to me how many men feel this way about women? I imagine that if I were to walk down on a street, how many men look at me thinking this same way? With these men, it often makes the think about why it's so hard just to respect each despite out differences? {**did not clarify this earlier, but this is not a cmv! Apologies!**}",,38,Opposite-Day4823,2023-11-21 17:01:03 Feminism,180pxzr,Marina and the Diamonds,"I wanted to share my love for Marina Diamandis with other feminist women! I've been listening to her so much since I started college, and she has helped me so much with accepting myself and knowing my worth. She is a must for me surviving in this patriarchy as a woman. Her music keeps me strong and confident when men get me down! Are there any female artists that help you?",,15,SitcomSuperfan,2023-11-21 20:01:40 Feminism,180nluq,Jezebel Is Dead. Let Me Tell You How Bizarre Working There Was in the Beginning.,,https://slate.com/business/2023/11/jezebel-moe-tkacik-gawker-cancel-culture.html,17,eddytony96,2023-11-21 18:22:34 Feminism,1800y62,Texas businesses say abortion ban costs state nearly $15 billion a year,,https://www.kxan.com/news/texas-politics/texas-businesses-say-abortion-ban-costs-state-nearly-15-billion-a-year/,537,audiomuse1,2023-11-20 22:24:46 Feminism,1808apl,heartbreaking,"so messed up that medical supplies have been deliberately withheld, healthcare for women in war zones is so critical",https://i.redd.it/mo9sisjtmm1c1.jpeg,160,preyzlak,2023-11-21 04:15:06 Feminism,180affc,How evolutionary biology is used as a cover for misogyny,Pseudo intellectuals like Peterson use evolutionary biology as a cover for misogyny and people still buy their advice without critically analysing their claims.,https://youtu.be/MR_k3JbspW8?feature=shared,68,[deleted],2023-11-21 06:20:40 Feminism,17zvx8x,I feel so defeated.,"Italy has had another case of femicide- 83 women have been killed simply for being women in 2023. Giulia was 22, she was supposed to graduate on 16/11 and she never got the chance because her ex boyfriend, Filippo, couldn’t stand the fact that she would move away. So he killed her. She got kidnapped on 12/11 and they found her body next to a lake on 18/11. Her ex stabbed her to death. Us women all over Italy knew that she was dead even if we held onto the hope that maybe she wasn’t. Men started telling us that it’s unfair for us to assume that her ex killed her because he’s a man. But we knew, because that’s what men all over the world do when they feel a woman slipping away from them. If they don’t have us, no one else can. That’s exactly what this man thought. After her body was discovered, women all over Italy were - and still are- raging. We’re sick and tired of this and we’ve been very vocal about it on social media. We’ve been denouncing the patriarchy, a culture that sees women as possessions. A culture that allows high school boys to photoshop their girl classmates’ faces onto the body of porn stars and these pictures get sent to the class group chat. But that’s okay, because “they’re only being boys. There’s no harm in that”. A culture that allows boys to attack girls in schools and if a girl defends herself “he’s a nice boy, he didn’t mean any harm. It’s not ladylike to attack people”. That’s exactly what people were saying about Filippo “he’s a nice boy”. The way that femicide is being talked about by certain men is disgusting. They have no empathy, they only care about saying “not all men”. Not all men but enough men to create a social phenomenon that sees women being killed. Not all men but enough men not calling out their friends when they make rape jokes. Not all men but enough men thinking it’s okay to be possessive. Not all men but enough men that all women have a story about being harassed by man. I feel so defeated. I’ve never gotten in so many arguments in my life. Having to defend a victim of femicide from the “not all men” crowd is making me lose faith in humanity. Per te Giulia, bruceremo tutto.",,287,Initial_Cheesecake_6,2023-11-20 18:58:06 Feminism,180aacs,"Indians of this sub, any thoughts ?","The data comes from a reputable source - Pew Resarch. I know my country is deeply misogynistic, just wanna have an open discussion in the comments about your experiences and views on this situation.",https://i.redd.it/q6oftz8m7n1c1.jpg,29,[deleted],2023-11-21 06:11:45 Feminism,17zwl7k,"Philadelphia Moms for Liberty Leader Phillip Fisher Jr. Is Registered Sex Offender: Report | The Philadelphia Inquirer reported that Phillip Fisher Jr. pleaded guilty to the crime in 2012, when he was 25 and living in Chicago",,https://www.thedailybeast.com/philadelphia-moms-for-liberty-leader-phillip-fisher-jr-is-registered-sex-offender-report,176,Majnum,2023-11-20 19:25:39 Feminism,18060zt,Climate change hits women's health harder. Activists want leaders to address it at COP28,,https://nationalpost.com/pmn/news-pmn/climate-change-hits-womens-health-harder-activists-want-leaders-to-address-it-at-cop28,38,katespadesaturday,2023-11-21 02:17:19 Feminism,180hr4p,"In what appears to be an RSF member giving a Friday sermon, the speaker states that women captured by RSF in Khartoum will be given the choice to get married, but will not be allowed to return to their families.",https://twitter.com/aminhashim/status/1726572309765558452?t=gWpq8bcb6DAOpezoeer6zg&s=19,,4,Defiant678,2023-11-21 14:05:44 Feminism,17zk8o2,We always hear ‘1 in 4 girls will be abused’ or ‘1 in 3 women will be raped’ - but we never hear ‘1 in X men are rapists’.,,https://i.redd.it/z8zuaaunvg1c1.png,399,FamiliarTreacle,2023-11-20 08:54:20 Feminism,17zivjr,"I think Mass Effect gave us a step in the right direction not only by giving an RPG protagonist voiced by jennifer hale, but also allowed lgbt relationships as said character as well. Artist is Aleksandra Skiba",,https://i.redd.it/4hedbnhtdg1c1.jpg,127,ClaireDacloush,2023-11-20 07:14:12 Feminism,17zxtba,Research on Causes?,"I would think that success, prominence, and education would be protective against doctors engaging in sexual assault. I know there is research into what causes people to become mass shooters, but is there research i to why people become serial sexual assaulters? https://www.nytimes.com/2023/11/20/opinion/abuse-doctors-patients-metoo.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare",,10,aLauraElaine,2023-11-20 20:16:45 Feminism,17zxty2,Are there notable people that were known for spreading how Rey (from Star Wars) is a Mary Sue?,"So far my research has stumbled across Max Landis, who is was screenwriter of 2012's *Chronicle*, posted a series of tweets tearing down Rey as ""the worst fucking *Star Wars* main character ever."" This is for research I'm doing regarding the terms history, and it's impact in pop culture, a large part relates heavily with Rey, and if anyone could provide any further info on Landis' history with the term, Rey, female Star Wars characters, and also if there were any other notable people that used the term before him in relation to Rey. Thank You",,5,Classy-Cheesecake429,2023-11-20 20:17:28 Feminism,17zhtk0,I have a hard time with this…,"I feel like this needs to be tagged NSFW since it’s about topics of sexual assault. Everyday I go on tiktok and I’ll see slideshows of these horrid comments left by people Comments like “Game is game” or “whose going to stop me” or even worse ones that I don’t want to say, even when they’re reported and obviously go against tiktok guidelines, they receive no violation or action taken (or at least very rarely they do) And from what I’ve seen people who talk about these issues are more likely to face repercussions for discussing the problems. And the people that make jokes about sexual assault go Scott free and continue to talk horrible stuff. Honestly I should probably just delete the app, or stop caring about the stupid comments. I doubt I could even go to the tiktok subreddit to address these issues without being called too sensitive. (I probably am tbh) Sorry if this is the wrong place to post this. I’d just like a more educated point of view on this instead of being called sensitive for hating rape jokes.",,69,Marvu_Talin,2023-11-20 06:02:11 Feminism,17zn0hr,Vent,"The already prevalent misogyny becoming even more widespread with social media, all of the grifting, lying, falsifying evidence about womens issues, redpills, spoiled men who cannot use empathy, i just want to hate all of them yet i can't. It is just so widespread and i feel so powerless about it. I want to be as hateful as them but i can't find it in myself. I haven't done anything to make them hate me yet they still do, they want to hate me for no reason. I want to make them feel what i feel but i don't know how. Do they just want to hate me, with no real reason? Does hating me feel good to them? Does it make them feel powerful? When a young woman (or school-age girl) gets denied education, gets married off to an old man, (which is very prevalent in my country) does that make them feel accomplished? When they go on and on about feeeeeemales does it feel good to them? Why would someone hate someone else they don't even know? What did women as a whole do to deserve this? Oppressing and then acting like women are the oppressors... how do they have 0 backbone? Am i thinking too much?",,21,shiza_a_a,2023-11-20 12:02:58 Feminism,17z73s0,"Rosalynn Carter, former first lady and tireless humanitarian who advocated for mental health issues, dies at 96 | Carter devoted herself to several social causes in the course of her public life, including programs that supported health care resources, human rights, social justice | Rest In Power",,https://www.nbcnews.com/news/obituaries/rosalynn-carter-former-first-lady-dies-rcna62862,190,Majnum,2023-11-19 21:12:36 Feminism,17zkpqk,The Rachel Zegler hate is pure misogyny,"I have been saying this since this uncalled for hate started, but since she’s now in the new hunger games movie and I’m seeing people refuse to watch it because she is the star is enraging. What did Rachel do that makes her so unlikeable?? Y’all find absolutely anything to hate on a woman. “Idk she’s just so stuck up” “she’s so annoying” “idk what it is about her but I just cant stand her” just admit you want a woman to fit your unrealistic standards. People expect all women to fit this annoying role of the grateful soft spoken angel who is classy and doesn’t talk that much but speaks just enough and says all the right things. Is this poor woman not allowed to have a personality?? SHE WAS SCARED OF SNOW WHITE SO WHATTT. YOU WANTED HER TO LIE FOR WHATTTTT. So you would like her more? She’s supposed to hide her non harmful opinions to make you guys like her more?? Then what else? She accepted a role because she needed a job? SHES BEING HONEST. WHEN DID SHE SAY SHE WASNT GRATEFUL. ROBERT PATTINSON HATED TWILIGHT AND YALL EAT IT UP. JACOB ELORDI HATES THE KISSING BOOTH AND YALL EAT IT UP. LEAVE RACHEL ZEGLER ALONE. LEAVE WOMEN ALONE. Not to mention I have looked into her, she’s insanely talented, like genuinely she can SING sing and she can fucking act. Y’all better not fuck shit up for her because you hate women. Y’all did this to Millie Bobby brown when she was like 12 because she “talked too much”.",,17,annonbrows,2023-11-20 09:28:17 Feminism,17z0iua,A Disturbing Reality Has Been Lurking Behind #MeToo Stories. It’s Time to Tell the Whole Truth.,,https://slate.com/human-interest/2023/11/me-too-movement-revicitimization-sexual-assualt-stories-women.html,355,eddytony96,2023-11-19 16:13:08 Feminism,17z5glc,It’s a bit ridiculous that snap chat (and other media tbh) sensor the word vagina and other terms related to women’s health,"Surely I’m not the only one who’s bothered by this. Snap chat has a new feature where you can load a transcript for voice notes. It sensors “curse words”. However ~ V a g i n a ~ is not a curse word. In fact, there’s not a single thing about that word that is remotely inappropriate. No medical term is inappropriate. I wish I could figure out how to email them. Personally I think we should have the option of getting rid of censoring words all together or choosing which words are censored. You literally have to say the word out loud to record it in a voice note. It makes zero sense that it would censor you only in transcript when you can still type the word regularly in normal snap chat messages and have to say the word out loud to even send the message to begin with. A scientific, medical, anatomically correct term is not offensive. If you are offended by that then it’s your personal problem. A woman’s body and women’s health is not something that should be considered shameful. ",,125,_Hyzenthlay_,2023-11-19 19:59:24 Feminism,17ywhlt,"Leaving reddit subs about things we love (or generally activities/ industries/communities linked to things we love) because of the hostile environment men create in them towards women. (I explain in the text of my post, but also sharing pictures of an incident in a specific sub to illustrate. AITA?)","I hope this is an appropriate post and an appropriate place to post it. Sorry if not but i’m sad and needed a place to share/discuss, hopefully this is it! After a very frustrating rating conversation about American Pie, of all things, in the r/reddit sub, and after having felt this way about this sub for months, I have just decided to leave it and not return, in spite of the fact movies are my passion and I love discussing them so much, because the misogyny shown there constantly is just too much and is affecting my mental health. I actually worked in the film industry after getting my degree in film studies, and after a year left the industry for the same reason (and also ´cause I was not getting paid 😅). I am pretty ill now and have been on disability for a while, which means i’m quite isolated, bit i feel more and more of a need to exit spaces because of how hostile they are, and that especially because of misogynistic men, and male attitudes in general. It’s really hard on me and I feel like i’m disappearing. In the pictures i’m sharing is part of the exchanges i had on r/movies about that stupid movie, including me just giving up. This is also a bit me asking you all if I am in the wrong here? I feel like my points and approach were reasonable, in spite of actually feeling quite upset about it. This feels like shit. Has anybody here struggled in r/movies too? Or other sort of very general subs to the point where they decided to leave? I sometimes feel this a bit in /atheism too, but way less.",https://www.reddit.com/gallery/17ywhlt,391,Electronic_Ad4560,2023-11-19 12:47:54 Feminism,17zo7mc,Unveiling Gender and Race Dialogue Disparities in The Lord of the Rings,"I've been diving into some data analysis recently and decided to take a closer look at 'The Lord of the Rings' movies. My focus? The distribution of dialogues across different genders and races. The results were quite intriguing, to say the least. **Character Gender and Race Composition** Male Characters: 631 Female Characters: 135 Other Characters: 145 **Dialogues by Gender** Here's where it gets interesting. The distribution of dialogues between male and female characters revealed: Female Character Dialogues: 47 Male Character Dialogues: 775 The stark contrast in these numbers paints a telling picture of gender representation in the movie's dialogues. **Proportionality of Dialogues by Gender** On average, each male character has about **1.23** dialogues, compared to just **0.35** for female characters. This raises questions about the depth and complexity afforded to characters based on their gender. **Dialogues by Race** The race dialogue distribution was another eye-opener. For instance, the Maiar (Gandalf) lead with a total of 239 dialogues. I'm keen to hear your thoughts on this. How do you think these disparities reflect on the narrative and character development in 'The Lord of the Rings'? Is this a mere reflection of the source material, or something filmmakers should be more mindful of? Let's discuss! For those interested in diving deeper into the data and exploring the visualizations, you can find all the detailed charts and graphs [here](https://shimoku.io/d65eb08e-e8d1-4cd5-b511-57716c8d1354/character-race-and-gender?shared=true&token=f0543d38-6e9e-4e10-8ab5-8360ffe4cdda).",,5,Euphoric-Alt-Man,2023-11-20 13:12:08 Feminism,17zkt5e,What can I read to know more about how the patriarchy affects historical education?," Like the title suggests, I’m trying to find who or what I can read in order to know more about how patriarchal systems have influenced the history we learn in school. Tried searching, but I am struggling to find comprehensive books/journal articles about it. TYIA!",,3,InvestmentQueasy7857,2023-11-20 09:34:23 Feminism,17yv7pu,My heart feels heavy right now. Even social workers center men and cannot see the bias in our system.,"My heart feels heavy after reading a thread of social workers who are centering men and any voice that speaks to the problems is downvoted, sneered at and overall just attacked. I just feel so heavy from this over the last couple of days because as a woman, we just get punished for trying to make boundaries and yet men are always respected. In a field focused on equity, inclusion and social Justice yet to watch what happened just feels so freaking harmful.",,203,cannotberushed-,2023-11-19 11:29:32 Feminism,17z2ll7,Feminism and Women's Complications: a guide for men unaware," Well, first, I will explain what feminism is. Feminism is NOT a group of women who think they are better than men. It is a group of primarily women that fight for equality, but mainly fighting for women more because of how there has been sexist culture in the past - and currently. Women are facing more issues currently in society than men, and if a big group doesn't address it, nothing changes. Society needs feminism. I understand men aren't women, so obviously, they can't know all of their feelings and problems, which is why I want to explain to you. --- ●Periods The embarrassment women have to feel. I know some men can be mature about a period, but trust me, there's a lot of shitty people out there. ESPECIALLY in middle/high school. In class, a girl may want to go to the bathroom to go care for the menstrual needs. Now, if you are told no, you just either sit and bleed or say something. Saying something is embarrassing to women. But why, why should they be? Every woman has it at some point, so why should it be treated weird? ""Blood coming out of a girls vagina!!!! Hhaaahhah!!!!!! GROOSSS!!!!"" Like, obviously, it's gross. We hate it, too. But there's no need to say it. People may giggle, make faces, etc. etc. And then it's even WORSE with a male teacher. (+10 points if he's sexist too) Like, a period , period man, period. --- ●Sexualization and the dangers of trusting a man I know that title possibly sounds sexist, but I'm going to explain. 1. Sexualization Sexualization of women. Look, I get you find women hot. Women are hot. (Coming from a woman) But, do not sexualize us unless we consent to your sexualization. Doesn't matter if you're ""checking me out"" ding-ding! You're a pervert! It doesn't matter if I wore something short. it doesn't matter if I wore something cropped. It doesn't matter if my butt or boobs looked big. If I don't know you, or I don't have an interest in you, do not sexualize me. I'm not a pornstar, I'm not on only fans. I'm not a stripper. They get paid to make you nut. I didn't sign up to have to be sexualized just for going outside and being a woman. Then some wanna say ""cover up"", like um, NO! Imma wear what I want. Women are TIRED of being sexualized for being themselves. 2. The Dangers of Trusting a Man It's not that I'm saying every man is a bad guy. Of course not. But, when there are so many risks, even after years of knowing one another, it can take a lot of time. Especially people that may have had someone, such as their father, betray their trust. I also want to share an analogy I saw from a post recently. It was a woman and a man, and she was discussing why she couldn't trust men. But, she did want to. She used this analogy, and it makes it easier to understand. W: Would you trust a shark? M: No. That's not fair, though. W: Why not? Sharks don't want to attack humans. We aren't their prey. Sharks rarely ever attack humans. M: I still wouldn't trust the shark. W: Exactly. Why not? M: Because of what it is capable of. Because one wrong move and it could attack me. W: Do you see it now? M: Oh. W: Yea. M: I think I understand now. W: Maybe. As much as a man could understand. M: For what it's worth, I think I could eventually trust a shark. After a long time. It would take a lot, but I think I could. W: Me too. I really loved this analogy because it describes the fear. Men naturally are usually going to be bigger than women. So, if one man decides to take that to his advantage, some can't fight back. [TW] A list of things women need to worry about: • Assault • Sexual Assault • Rape • Human Trafficking (to be food or a sex slave) • Kidnapping I understand these things happen to men too, and that's a problem too, but you know damn well it's happening to women more. Some women do this too, but not as many compared to men. According to the CTDC, 78%of the victims who are abducted into situations of trafficking are women. Nearly 70% of the victims who were abducted were trafficked for the purpose of sexual exploitation Women have a right to fear this happening. It's the sad truth, and even if you may not be like this, remember there are 8.1 billion people in this world. You are 1/8,100,000,000. How you exactly view or see the world currently is now how everyone else sees it. Just understand that. - Hope this helps.",,65,RepresentativeSet541,2023-11-19 17:49:34 Feminism,17z3zf6,How to Respond to Catcalling,"I am a teenage girl who was catcalled a few weeks back and still don't know what I should have done in that situation. I was walking to the corner store near my house when these 2 older teenage boys on bikes rode past me saying something about my appearance in an objectifying way. I still feel lost about this and was wondering if anyone had any help on this? Should I just walk away or stand up for myself. edit: a day later and these responses are actually really helpful, i feel like next time a situation like this happens I know things I can do",,43,Comfortable-Dot-05,2023-11-19 18:52:47 Feminism,17z1ndz,Feminine Rage Playlist,"I made this playlist because I’m a blue collar girlie who works with all men, so I needed some empowering shit in my ear drums at work, but I wanted to share it with yall! I hope you love it as much as I do. https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7x1sbE9a7z7GioZOpRjNkD?si=2WN42cqDSdqmTOVw2CLgrw&pi=u-n7bjc_wpS6Ge TW some of the songs do mention or imply SA, please listen with caution 🖤 If anyone wants to know the history behind the cover art, it is a painting of Timocleia of Thebes, a woman who tricked her rapist by telling him there was money hidden in a well. She then threw him over the garden wall into the well and threw large stones down after him, killing him. (If you have any suggestions please let me know! I won’t be adding every song because I’m trying to keep a certain genre/vibe, but I’d love to listen to them all!)",,46,Adhd-adult,2023-11-19 17:05:29 Feminism,17za60b,What’s a fair way to compensate for the time and energy of food planning and shopping in a partnership?,"My wife and I have an agreement where she cooks all our meals, and I clean. We split groceries down the middle. All feels fair there. But she also plans all the meals and does the shopping. We’re trying to come up with ideas to make that equal, too, but I cannot do the planning or shopping in a timely way based on our schedules. What are some ideas that might help to make this a more fair situation? Sorry if this doesn’t seem right for this sub, but I honestly think it’s probably one of the best places to ask and get some equitable answers. Thanks for any help.",,5,redhandrail,2023-11-19 23:23:36 Feminism,17yr3u1,Educating someone on not shaving?,"If I tell someone I don’t shave my legs anymore and he responds that he looks down at my legs and sees a man, or a masculine person, what can I say? I said that women in their natural state have hairy legs, that you are viewing me in my natural state as masculine. Then that led to us talking about social standards a little bit and he acknowledged it’s a social standard applied only to women but still wants to follow it? I said ‘I’m less insecure and I don’t want to shave my legs every week for the rest of my life’, but then he still doesn’t want to try to come over that mentality put on him from society, he wants to continue following it. (Not really versed in feminist stuff sorry if I used weird/incorrect terms) (And yes this is my partner)",,111,GenesisGenesect,2023-11-19 06:46:28 Feminism,17yekry,Why is it that you can't say the slightest thing about male misbehavior without a shit ton of pushback?,"UPDATE: Someone had my back on my FB post! The one that got so much pushback. Made my day! \*\*\*\*\*\*\*\* is it that you can't say the slightest thing about male misbehavior without a shit ton of pushback? I recently posted on a co-ed FB group I'm in, about a strange man asking me where my husband was, in a context having nothing to do with my relationship status -- he had no reason to introduce that besides his own. Several women in the group liked, etc. Then several men went on a butt hurt RANT about what's the big deal, I'm playing a victim, taking up valuable FB space with something inconsequential, etc. I'm talking several posts in a row, full blown rant. I wasn't expecting that -- I thought the husband comment was obviously creepy and thought my posts would get some likes and chuckles. Instead I'm sitting here telling grown men they are children in need of some serious research and introspection. Also- The men in the group are saying I misused the forum by posting off topic. (This is a group related to traveling.) Also, I IMed 3 women in the group, asking wtf and are those men really in our geographic area, and 2 haven't responded. They've responded to all my other IMs that were about actual traveling. The 3rd said she understands my issue, has had it happen many times, and just to ignore them. I don't see how the post was off topic, because I was directly engaged in a travel activity (vehicle repair) and the dude used that as an entry point. I blocked those guys and won't be rereading the thread. What a bunch of drama because a handful of boys are completely entitled! TLDR: looking for commiseration about men freaking out when you call out shitty male misbehavior.",,509,No_Celery9390,2023-11-18 19:58:58 Feminism,17yxnp1,"Thalidomide - The Story You Don't Know (Part 1) Podcast - The drug thalidomide was one of the greatest medical catastrophes in history causing around 100K disabiities & miscarriages. Journalist Jennifer Vanderbes discusses her 6 year research, which has uncovered scores of new potential victims.","Vanderbes's new painstaking research has uncovered warnings that went unheeded, test results that were misrepresented; and potential victims damaged by the drug, who have never been recognised before by the medical community. The tragedy is that had early safety signals been acted on or investigated, thousands of families and babies could have been spared unbelievable heartbreak. You can listen to the [What Your GP Doesn't Tell You](https://www.whatyourgpdoesnttellyou.com/) podcast at: [Apple](https://podcasts.apple.com/ie/podcast/thalidomide-the-story-you-dont-know-part-1/id1640338805?i=1000634754723), [Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/episode/2n7YkE7IwVytZ7p4XBt5Rb) and on other major podcast platforms. (Permission for post given by moderators)",,9,lct200,2023-11-19 13:52:45 Feminism,17yybc1,An assignment for GS,"This is a poem I wrote for my gender studies class to bring awareness to violence against women that happens every day. The assignment requires posting this poem on a public forum, so here it is. ""Girls Night"" &#x200B; Misty night, strong drinks When I’m out with the girls, I don’t have to think We talk about the future Being in each other’s lives So much time ahead of us Good times on the rise Big hugs and love before we head home “Please text me when you get there! I’ll worry if you don’t.” I walk in my house, take off my coat Notice one of the girls didn’t text me She probably forgot when she got home I text her in the morning, just to make sure Radio silence, her whereabouts obscure A few days go by, missing persons reported I feel sick to my stomach, my thoughts distorted More time goes by, we get the call Our girl was found, her time cut small Identify the body, no holding back tears Never thought we’d have to face one of our worst fears Plans we had for the future, dissolve in my mind Never thought once that we’d be forced to say goodbye I replay that night over and over in my head Thought about the things we “should” have done instead I beg for things to be different, for the nightmares not to be true Oh what I would give, for him to have not picked you",,7,lsanmiguel123,2023-11-19 14:26:24 Feminism,17yoqbl,Israel investigates sexual violence committed by Hamas as part of October 7 horror | CNN,,https://edition.cnn.com/2023/11/17/world/israel-investigates-sexual-violence-hamas/index.html,14,bigcateatsfish,2023-11-19 04:15:00 Feminism,17y0h9f,Harassed on instagram (TW r***),"I was sent these messages for calling out objectifying language and unrealistic beauty standards. i received a lot of hate but this was by far the worst. not my brightest moments responding to him, but it was just so out of pocket and upsetting, i didn’t know how to react lol. It’s legitimately scary how quickly he jumped to weaponizing and threatening sexual assault.",https://www.reddit.com/gallery/17y0h9f,355,katie_ingram,2023-11-18 06:39:03 Feminism,17y3uy9,"(OC) Because I was little too friendly to this guy and responded to his messages without delay, he thought something like this would be acceptable. Btw, I had responded to his freelancing gig call on LinkedIn 2 days before.","What does the second slide even mean? Iwan, what was this guy thinking?",https://www.reddit.com/gallery/17y3uy9,73,DoofusDogsUnited,2023-11-18 10:40:48 Feminism,17y8wmf,So I finally talked to my partner….,"This is a continuation of a post I made from before, here’s a link to the last post, read it, or you’ll be completely lost. [https://www.reddit.com/r/Feminism/comments/17wzzrf/no\_third\_date\_or\_just\_overreacting/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Feminism/comments/17wzzrf/no_third_date_or_just_overreacting/) So, taking advice from this sub, I finally talked to my partner/semi-boyfriend about the concerning images in this bedroom and on his phone. And he got PISSED. ”Why are you being such a bitch? I thought you loved me? Why are you snooping in on my life? I can look at whatever the hell I want and put whatever the fuck I want into my bedroom, you bitch! Fuck you! I thought you didn’t want to be left alone for the rest of your life? I thought you wanted to have your first ever boyfriend? (I have admitted these feelings to him) Did you fucking lie to me? Are you just a misandrist? Get out of my house, I’m not bringing you here ever again!”. It just kept going on and on and on, when I tried to talk, he just kept yelling at me. He ended up kicking me out of the house and calling an Uber for me. Now I’m in uber car with a big, wide, broken heart. I want to help him so much, but he keeps pushing me away for these disgusting little images in his bedroom and on his phone. Why won’t he let me help him? I‘ve done so much for him, I even started eating a bit less and exercising for him! Should I just break up and try and start all over again? Is this how love really is? Is this my only chance? Will I really end up alone forever? I’m so confused and sad.",,21,Darkgirlmew,2023-11-18 15:31:20 Feminism,17y6lgz,"Police start building Oct. 7 rape cases, focusing on footage and testimonies",,https://www.timesofisrael.com/police-start-building-oct-7-rape-cases-focusing-on-footage-and-testimonies/amp/,24,OuroborosInMySoup,2023-11-18 13:34:37 Feminism,17y0le1,Eleanor Neale covers the abuse of women in Hollywood that continues to this day. Warning! The stuff in the video is horrifying to think about. I couldn't go through half of the video.,,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VHgE-i6J0Tg,57,ClaireDacloush,2023-11-18 06:46:48 Feminism,17y96zm,Listen: Anna Holmes on the End of Jezebel | On the Media,,https://www.wnycstudios.org/podcasts/otm/segments/anna-holmes-end-jezebel-on-the-media,9,mgl298,2023-11-18 15:45:10 Feminism,17xpeep,Random rude men,"Situation 1: I’m holding a bunch of stuff trying to unlock the door to the entrance to my apartment and random guy on other side of the door just stares at me struggling. He finally opened the door and when he did I dropped my stuff. He scoffs and says in a rude tone good luck. It was pretty obvious he was being a jerk. Situation 2: I’m on my way to work and trucker blocks off half the road of a 2 lane. After he let’s like 20 cars on opposite end go I say hey can you let me pass I need to go to work here. He then makes this look on his face as if to mock me it was absolutely rude and absurd. He then proceeds to let another 20 cars pass. When I start backing my car up to turn around he lets me pass. Yes I gave him the bird, because he was blatantly not letting me pass and being extremely rude about it. Situation 3: Less random but my co worker was warming up some bread in the staff kitchen. I didn’t know who’s it was and saw it was looking done. I ask around to tell people get your food is looking done. When he comes to the staff kitchen his food was burnt and he rudely accuses me of letting his food burn. Dude it’s YOUR food I am not responsible for watching your food. He shakes his head and hasn’t spoken a word to me since. I’m noticing more often men are just messed up towards women in subtle and not so subtle ways. Just needed to vent.",,224,[deleted],2023-11-17 21:20:19 Feminism,17xzqu6,"The Albanese Labor Government is leading the way for Australia to become the first country in the world to eliminate cervical cancer, with the release of the National Strategy for the Elimination of Cervical Cancer and a $48.2 million investment to support implementation",,https://www.health.gov.au/ministers/the-hon-ged-kearney-mp/media/making-history-by-eliminating-cervical-cancer-in-australia-and-our-region?language=en,21,Only_Introduction162,2023-11-18 05:50:56 Feminism,17y2pdj,Why did Germany allow the Taliban,,https://www.instagram.com/p/CzvrtLMs1YQ/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==,11,Thick-Addition-5471,2023-11-18 09:19:15 Feminism,17xfhmc,"New postpartum depression drug gets almost $16,000 price tag, raising questions about access",,https://www.cnn.com/2023/11/07/health/postpartum-depression-drug-price-tag/index.html?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email,357,literanista,2023-11-17 13:50:31 Feminism,17xiti0,Co workers & male centering,"For about 4/5 years, I've unconsciously shifted my focus away from men. Now, it's a conscious decision labeled de centering, I actively avoiding certain conversations, friendships, and activities. At work recently, a guy who has shown interest in me (and been gently rejected) was in a conversation behind me with two coworkers (a woman and another guy). He expressed outlandish views about women, triggering a discussion between them. Anyway, I’m doing my work and he says, (inserts name) what do you think about this, I’d love to hear your thoughts. I simply said I prefer not to engage in topics like this and got back to my work. Well all three was offended and up in arms. What do you mean, topics like this? Me: I don’t sit and think about things like this there’s so much other things going on in the world. I guess I trigged him . He called me aggressive and said I’ve never seen you like this and he wanted to know what I thought, whilst the other two echoed “other things going on in the world” I excused myself and left it at that. It's the second time he's tried to involve me in discussions degrading to women. How do you navigate these situations, and do you engage in such conversations?",,71,Telalovell,2023-11-17 16:25:47 Feminism,17xxbgh,Black and White Feminism in the 80s/90s,"https://youtu.be/eT1EC51xgVw?si=RlMoKOL5B8BYEidA Check out what she says during 5:05 and 5:10. I know that white women won the right to vote before black women, but how were black women working before white women? I really want to understand what she says there and would like to know what she is referring to. Many thanks in advance.",,10,Mite3,2023-11-18 03:27:07 Feminism,17xjuu2,Sign a Petition to Establish a Comprehensive Support Program for Incarcerated Mothers,Hi everyone! I'm going for my bachelor in social work and myself and a few classmates have created this petition to advocate for better supports for incarcerated mothers and their children to maintain healthy connections. If you could sign it that would be wonderful,https://chng.it/RvDK8Q2fbQ,24,Feeling-Cicada2462,2023-11-17 17:12:08 Feminism,17xbfgv,Opinion on the Kardashians?,"Just wondering what everyone’s views on the kardashians are in terms of feminism? Like I would have always been under the opinion that they contribute greatly (and profit from) promoting unrealistic beauty standards for women. Is this true or am I just finding an excuse to hate them due to internalised misogyny? I dislike them for other reasons too like the fact that they have so much money and power to do so much good and they just don’t. Like they have such a influence over people if one of they came out and talked about climate change, lots of people would listen. But they don’t.",,93,theanimalsareleaving,2023-11-17 09:35:20 Feminism,17xrxss,The Hamas sexual pogrom and the deafening silence of the world’s feminist movements,,https://www.ynetnews.com/article/bjqmutqv6#autoplay,7,Only_Introduction162,2023-11-17 23:09:25 Feminism,17x1t5d,When women are behind its 'natural' but when men start falling behind now the system needs changing.,"Perhaps this is really obvious but I've never seen anyone point this out or make this argument. When you point the systemic issues that women face like wage gap, underrepresentaion in stem and high powered positions, ect. a lot of reasons you get for these are appeals to 'nature'; how this just to do with 'biological differences.' For example, the argument that women choose jobs like nursing and teaching because women are more 'naturally' nurturing and care about jobs with people and not things (although the whole things/people paradigm kinda goes out the window for positions of power like politicans). Another reason given is that men are paid more is cause they are 'naturally' more assertive and ask for raises (ignoring the fact women are often penalised for being assertive). These reasons are given to dismiss the issue and to argue that these aren't systematic issues; it's just the 'natural' state of affairs and nothing can be done. Now that boys/men are falling behind girls/women in education and higher education which I agree is indicative of some systematic issues. But all the people who were once making appeals to 'nature' to explain women's shortcomings are now blaming the system for men's shortcomings. Their lack of consistency reveals that they think either/both 1. The system should work in men's favour, 2. Men are superior to women. They usually never admit to these positions. I wanna hear what other people think of this? If I've missed anything in my line of logic? I love deconstructing language/rehortic so I've been thinking sporadically about this one for a while now.",,374,iampoisonivy,2023-11-17 00:12:59 Feminism,17wvvim,Instagram comment sections have gotten comically violent towards women.,Came across this reel of a dude staying outside all night to study when a mass of incels came to bash some woman for pointing out that this would be dangerous for women to do. I'm going to stop reading ig comment sections at this point for my mental health. This movement of alt right meninists pissy because women are pushing for equality are actually frightening.,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/17wvvim,790,Perfect-Wolf-3841,2023-11-16 19:57:44 Feminism,17xcebs,Gender discrimination and misogyny continue in Afghanistan...,,/r/afghanistan/comments/17wpwqm/a_new_generation_of_women_and_girls_defying/,43,Deep_Math9124,2023-11-17 10:48:02 Feminism,17xkklr,How to overcome the shame?,"I hate how despite learning more and more about feminism and trying to fight my internalised misogyny, I still feel sometimes ""ashamed"" of being a woman. For example when I hear men saying misogynistic stuffs, a part of me still doubt sometimes and think something like ""maybe they're right, maybe women really are inferior/weaker/naturally submissive"" and especially when I get called a slut or I'm being sexualized by a man, I still feel ashamed even if I know I shouldn't care about what they say... so I wonder if some of you would have advice, what can I do to go against this feeling? Did you use to feel this way yourself and overcome it? Thank you very much to everyone who could help",,11,RedAtlanticChaos,2023-11-17 17:43:58 Feminism,17wz82e,"""Should I leave my misogy-"" Yes.","Girl he doesn't think you're a person, you're not going to convince him of anything I want to be empathetic but I genuinely don't understand the point of these posts? Of course everyone on a feminist sub is going to tell you to leave a misogynist.",,335,Xiabeq,2023-11-16 22:20:39 Feminism,17x7kkd,How to respond to teen jibes?,"I have a step son, 14 years old who is nice and I’ve known him for 5 years now. But nowadays he’s sprouting more and more sexist things. Most of which his dad counters and explains to him how offensive it is. But sometimes he says it directly to me and his dad doesn’t want to take anyone’s side which is fair - now I don’t want to be a victim and want to respond to the son directly. He says that I dress “like a lesbian” or “like a boy” and means it to be a jibe. I’m so tempted to get back at him and say “aw is your chin bothering you today” - something he’s insecure about but I really don’t want to stoop to bullying a kid. At the same time I’m really frustrated with these comments. What can I say in response?",,48,Flat-Ad1599,2023-11-17 05:05:46 Feminism,17wnne6,"Misogyny Against Women You Don’t Like is Still Misogyny, By The Way",,https://thethreepennyguignol.com/2023/11/16/misogyny-against-women-you-dont-like-is-still-misogyny-by-the-way/,708,cutpriceguignol,2023-11-16 14:04:00 Feminism,17x3w5n,How do you respond when sexist guys get bitchy?,"You know when they run out of arguments, or get insecure or just want to be cruel for their own amusement and they start making sexual comments? How do you even respond to that? Some are just so outrageous that I'm too shocked to respond immediately. Just getting up and leave is also not an option, I'm not going to leave my space just because some guy decided to be extra bitchy today. If the guy has other friends with him they usually laugh at whatever you respond. Is there a good way to efficiently and quickly shut them down?",,41,im_sold_out,2023-11-17 01:50:31 Feminism,17wzzrf,"No third date, or just overreacting?","So for a while I’ve been just around this guy (I’m not saying dating because I feel like we just aren’t that close), and on our second date, I’ve been at his house and it’s kinda weird. His bedroom was covered in posters of girls in suggestive positions, but the worst one (atleast I think it is💀) was one of this girl chained up and being held by an older looking man. He’s so normal and kind, but his bedroom….I just don’t know. His phone was kinda weird too, I didn’t look through it, but his wallpaper was a pic of a girl (who wasn’t me) in a bikini in bed. He’s never told me any truly misogynistic before (again, atleast I think so💀 I guess watching porn could be considered as “misogynistic” by some), he’s sometimes called people (usually politicians) ”Dumb b\*tches”, but never outright “c\*nts” or “sl\*ts”, and hes never called me that directly. Overall, I think he’s sorta odd, but I’m also too afraid that I might end up overreacting and losing my first ever opportunity for a boyfriend (or more), so I’m just wanting to hear other women’s opinions about that situation.",,52,Darkgirlmew,2023-11-16 22:53:00 Feminism,17wonzm,Tired of women who support the patriarchy and then crib when it affects them personally,"From the point of view of a conservative Indian society -- I see women supporting the patriarchy, fueling it, but everytime it affects them personally, someone treats them badly, suddenly they'll crib and get mad. It's so selfish and self-centred, and it's mind boggling that they don't see that they need to extend that courtesy of being supportive to other women when they crave it so much themselves.",,167,ChildhoodWild4848,2023-11-16 14:49:06 Feminism,17wovqm,Less than 50 years ago women couldn't have their own credit card (United States).,,https://i.redd.it/rj474a2ibo0c1.jpeg,146,Educational_Cow_7103,2023-11-16 14:58:33 Feminism,17wxli5,Any books on how stupid beauty standards are and how much they hurt people?,"So I’ve been in this theme and opinion all my life. Basically all my thoughts are summed up in this one video by Karolina Żebrowska. I was wondering if there were any resources or books that talk about it. Basically I understand that there is a small part of facial structure that can be connected to biology and what we find attractive. But there is this larger theme that is always changing, and it’s been changing faster and faster with the rise of short videos like TikTok. Pushing things like fashion through transformations and trends that used to last months instead of weeks. Beauty standards are mainly attached to indicators of wealth and that has changed all throughout history and all over the world. Karolina gives amazing examples in the video. I just wanted to open up this dialog because the amount of opinions and videos out there saying that beauty standards will always win scares me. Because there is somewhere or some time period of human existence where pretty much any body shape was held in high esteem. Yet we see things like rhinoplasty. Which I thought I wanted for a long time until I understood the biological purpose behind my big nose and actually visited France where most of my relatives were from. I am the beauty standard there. There’s also people that have gotten plastic surgery to get curvy and now there trying to reverse that now. Beauty standards don’t win at the end of the day. It’s just indicators of wealth and while pretty privilege does absolutely exist, it lives on how much power we give it.",https://youtu.be/GJBo2eqzVe8?si=EAZMDIXCfcrsYpHH,44,Foreign_Ad_1586,2023-11-16 21:12:45 Feminism,17wovpl,Less than 50 years ago women couldn't have their own credit card (United States).,,https://i.redd.it/rj474a2ibo0c1.jpeg,109,Educational_Cow_7103,2023-11-16 14:58:31 Feminism,17wda5p,"For decades, mothers have borne the brunt of scrutiny for alcohol use during pregnancy − new research points to dad's drinking as a significant factor in fetal alcohol syndrome",,https://theconversation.com/for-decades-mothers-have-borne-the-brunt-of-scrutiny-for-alcohol-use-during-pregnancy-new-research-points-to-dads-drinking-as-a-significant-factor-in-fetal-alcohol-syndrome-216601,788,katespadesaturday,2023-11-16 03:50:50 Feminism,17wgg03,"Why aren’t violent sexual acts like degradation, humiliation, and CNC considered internalised misogyny?","Personally I don’t get this, because to me this feels like a prime example of what internalised misogyny looks like.",,210,Mobile-Aioli-454,2023-11-16 06:46:54 Feminism,17wtx9k,The Power of The Pull - Thanks Birth Control," In the realm of sexual and reproductive health, birth control and contraception stand as powerful tools that have fundamentally reshaped women’s lives. The advent of oral contraceptives and other family planning methods has granted women unprecedented control over their reproductive choices, offering the freedom to decide when, how, and if to start a family. These innovations not only empower women to pursue education and careers but contribute to narrowing gender disparities by offering a practical means to manage family size.  Despite these strides, a global struggle persists against entrenched patriarchal structures that seek to limit women’s access to sexual and reproductive health services. In many parts of the world, cultural norms and discriminatory practices hinder women’s ability to make informed choices about their bodies and lives. Whether through restricted access to contraception, limited educational resources, or inadequate healthcare, women continue to face barriers erected by patriarchal systems. Confronting these challenges is an essential step toward achieving true gender equality, recognizing the power of birth control not only as a personal choice but as a force for dismantling systemic inequities.  Claudia Goldin, a distinguished economist and Nobel Prize winner, has significantly shaped our understanding of gender economics. One of her groundbreaking studies, [“The Power of the Pill,”](https://dash.harvard.edu/bitstream/handle/1/2624453/Goldin_PowerPill.pdf?sequence=4) delves into the transformative effects of oral contraception on women’s lives and their societal roles.   ## “THE POWER OF THE PILL” STUDY Goldin’s study, “The Power of the Pill: Oral Contraceptives and Women’s Career and Marriage Decisions,” explores the societal impact of the introduction of oral contraceptives in the 1960s. The study, published in the Quarterly Journal of Economics, focuses on how the availability of the birth control pill influenced women’s decisions regarding education, career, marriage, and family planning.  &#x200B; [The Transformative Power of Birth Control and Confronting Global Patriarchy  | Population Media Center](https://www.populationmedia.org/the-latest/the-transformative-power-of-birth-control-and-confronting-global-patriarchy) &#x200B; How has birth control made your life better?",,11,PopulationMedia,2023-11-16 18:31:56 Feminism,17vxnml,Listened to a band at a local show last night singing a song about murdering women- am I overreacting?,"I went to a local hardcore show last night, featuring bands I have seen a handful of times. However there was a ‘new’ band playing (with a cis male frontman) that included members that belonged to other bands in the scene. Their 3rd song was a song where the ONLY lyrics were ‘I love to murder women’ over and over again. I had to sit and watch my male counterparts turn to each other and laugh. I immediately was pissed off but was met with the excuses of ‘It’s a bit’ ‘It’s just a joke’ etc. It still didn’t / doesn’t sit right with me at all and made me feel gross. I can’t tell if I’m overreacting or if I’m within my right to be upset about this.",,682,alleearyeldah,2023-11-15 16:41:12 Feminism,17w4q40,Password manager,"I am a systems administrator and I do IT for a voluntary group as well. a team member, who is always asking me for his passwords, like almost every time he needs to log in to a service I manage. I took this now for more than 2 years. Every now and then mentioning that there is things like password managers, but always helping him, resetting his passwords, sending them to him via encrypted vault and so forth. This week I was angry because I put a lot of effort again in something and he asked again. And then I said publicly in the chat ""I am fed up doing this for you [name] "" (in german ""Ich hab wirklich keine Lust mehr das für dich zu machen"" ) now he texted me a few days later and was very angry about that and about my tone. Do you think I overreacted? I am feeling not taken serious and like in this female secretary role and I am not sure if I should take this now from him and feel sorry or if I should stick to what I said. My first reaction was the latter.",,36,mira_miracoli,2023-11-15 21:45:28 Feminism,17vopb5,"Please tell me I’m not going mad (about men's ridiculous porn-addled brains, and how they think we like what they like, just because they like it).","With it being the internet, I sometimes entertain the perverted idiots who enter my DMs. I foolishly think that I can change how they are. Don’t worry, this isn’t often. But please tell me this is the case for everyone: Some man will say: “hey babe, do you like tittyfucking?” (one example of many) I’ll say no, and explain that women don’t have any sexual sensory feeling between our breasts. It’s the man who enjoys it, hence it’s so ubiquitous in male gaze porn, but I’ve never met a woman who explicitly says she enjoys it. Just like blowjobs, it’s probably either somewhere between a neutral and a hate for most women. We do it for men, not because we inherently enjoy it. Then he’ll reply: “no no no women some women LOVE IT” Please tell me this is yet another piece of BS and gaslighting men do? Please? I need to know what I already know lol. Please don’t come at me with the story about your aunt’s neighbour’s dog’s cat’s yoga instructor who likes this. I just need to know whether this is a fringe thing or not for women. &#x200B; I've talked to men about how hypersexual and porn-addled our culture is, but they insisted that I was wrong because ""people in ancient history times were filthy."" Um, okay lol. At the time, I just presumed he was right because... He's a man... But I read stories all the time from older women about how what is mainstream now (anal, CIM, COF, BDSM, etc.) was top shelf stuff that only ""freaks"" like. I refuse to say ""sorry about kink-shaming"" BECAUSE KINK-SHAMING DOES NOT EXIST. That is nonsense started by men so they can shame women for questioning anything. That's the real shaming going on here. In a nutshell, never trust anything a man says, especially if they have something to gain from it. On an unrelated note: how... HOW can a subreddit called FeminismIsCancer exist?! I'm shocked. I was typing in the 'feminism' subreddit and this other one came up. I'm shocked and sickened. How can we get rid of it? Can we mass-report it?",,290,Key_Conference_1082,2023-11-15 07:52:04 Feminism,17w5qxh,How to kindly get my bf to start picking up after himself,"The title sounds bad but let me preface with how madly in love I am with this man. He cooks me the best food every day when I forget to feed myself, is so kind and considerate to everyone around him, and quite litteraly keeps me sane. I never even had to divy up chores with him, we just picked the chores we liked when we moved in together, and it turned out pretty perfectly. This is not a ""dump him and let him figure it out, he's an adult"" situation. We're both learning how to not live in a depression nest together. My ONLY thing with him right now is I'm picking up after him every single day. Whether it's dishes in our room, socks on the floor, garbage on our desk, there's usually something small I have to tidy up that he should have done himself. It didn't bother me for a long time, but I've just started working too, and while the Big tm chores are wonderfully equal the passive effort it takes to keep a space clean is definitely on my shoulders. I need to talk to him about putting in this effort but I'm not sure where to start. Any ideas?",,14,Lurker_Lurker123,2023-11-15 22:25:09 Feminism,17wctw3,Project Reflecting On Different Feminist Philosophies,"Hi guys! I am currently working on a project where I hope to share various women's experiences in the World and then reflect on them and how they have shaped modern ideas of Feminism! It can be about any part of the female experience including internal and external struggles, I really hope to discuss intersectionality, dualism of the mind and body, bodies through different stages of life (childhood, teenage years, young adults, motherhood, etc.), preformativity, phenomenology, etc. I would love for anyone to share their stories if you have them time! Please just reach out to me :)",,4,dentinyocar,2023-11-16 03:28:53 Feminism,17vobqi,What do you make of ancient civilizations known for women?,"Sparta comes to mind, like the heiresses and even ordinary Spartan women. ",,24,Awesomeuser90,2023-11-15 07:23:46 Feminism,17v9upk,Which of these books should I start with?,"M25 here, want to educate myself, so I picked up these books that I saw recommended. Which one should I read first? And what should be my next reads after these? Thanks a lot!",https://i.redd.it/o3704s5e5d0c1.jpg,177,ArsenalArsenal22,2023-11-14 19:17:16 Feminism,17v5vdn,how to deal with sexist bf,"hello, i love my bf dearly, but he is like a closeted misogynist; meaning he really believes he respects women but then in the same breath has told me that if women lead without men the world would crumble. i try to talk to him and explain his error in thinking but he always says ""its just facts"" or its ""just statistics"" and you ""cant argue with math"" when he say something that puts women down. i just wanted to know if anyone had advice on how to deal with a man who truly believes he's not being sexist when he actually is idk if this is the right place to ask, but i figured someone might know how to help. <3 I've read some of the comments and felt that maybe you guys may benefit from further info. He doesn't say things like this often at all. When he does, I always stand up for myself and women as a whole. I also want to mention He is better than when I met him so that's why I'm still with him, because he has shown that he is open to learning and understanding but I just wanted to get advice on the more stubborn parts of his misconception. Alsoooo idk if this helps, but his mom... let's just say didn't teach him correctly about women. Ok, and for the ""you can't change/fix him"" comments: dw I promise it's not like that. If it was, i would have been long gone. He also does a lot of the housework and cares for me very well and has no problem taking care of me. He doesn't think I'm the one who has to do everything household related bc I'm the woman. He definitely has some opinions that are just wrong, but he's not like a raging sexist (at least I don't think so💀) Ok, and just one last thing pls no one read my edit in a defensive way. I genuinely thought some extra info would help ❤️ thank you for everyone's advice ",,229,FlatwormLost2782,2023-11-14 16:23:54 Feminism,17voekk,Israel Opens Complex Sexual Abuse Probe Into October 7 Attacks,,https://www.barrons.com/news/israel-opens-complex-sexual-abuse-probe-into-october-7-attacks-d938113c,16,OuroborosInMySoup,2023-11-15 07:29:47 Feminism,17vl777,Feminist bed time stories,"Does anyone know of bed time stories that decenter men? I feel like so much of our common lore is serving men and I want to do better for my 2 year old. I’m looking specifically for stories with female protagonists that don’t have a romantic element.",,24,Please_AndNoThankYou,2023-11-15 04:04:35 Feminism,17uuy1n,How society treats fat women,"TW: Body image / weight I was having a talk the other day and we came to the discussion about why women are more affected by body image than men, specifically about weight. I explained that women get treated different than men if they don't achieve certain standards. Someone said that men too feel pressure about looks, but don't just complain, they do something about it, like going to the gym. But for me, it's really different to women. Women that are fat get treated different than men that are fat. I myself am not an overweight person, but from my point of view, society treats fat women far worse, from childhood to adulthood, we get exposed to these extreme diets and little girls are told to starve. I would like another point of view of this topic, maybe from someone that has lived through this.",,386,Hungry_Lobster_1253,2023-11-14 05:08:36 Feminism,17vjyq0,Chicana Feminism Book recommendations,"Hello everyone! I was wondering if anyone had any Chicana feminism book recommendations? I minored in Chicanx Studies in college, and I would love to still expand my knowledge on this matter. Thank you! :)",,3,[deleted],2023-11-15 03:00:14 Feminism,17v4w7x,"Scared of losing elections, the right is changing the language of abortion - not their policies",,https://www.reclaimingthenewsletter.com/p/the-abortion-spin-zone-and-the-language,33,Careless_One6439,2023-11-14 15:39:12 Feminism,17ve8ji,Literature regarding the philosophy of woman-only societies and the need for children,"I'm currently reading a fascinating book (The Veiled Female Core by Elina M Reenkola), which discusses a woman's inner life remaining a closely guarded secret and her explanations as to why through myths/literature, clinical situations, and Freudian psychoanalysis. The second chapter details the possibilities of women who may wish for a baby being something that may stem from a ""desire to share her generative inner space with the man she loves"", ""recapturing the primary fusion and feeling of perfection experienced with the mother, now with ones own child...a powerful motivator to extend the self through procreation"" as well as such a thing existing in younger teen moms as a way to console the possible seperation-horrors by demanding a mother-child bond as means of fulfilling a longing of being with her own mother. Needless to say, there a myriad of reasons why a woman might choose to have a child, at least from a psychoanalytic standpoint, however, I was wondering if anyone had any literature regarding a possible world where the threat of men standing as a possible influence towards a woman having a child does not exist. Specifically, in a scenario where men do not exist, and the world is occupied exclusively by women. It's theoretical, I'm sure, but I'm just very interested in the motives of a woman having children in such a society, assuming then that the children are girls. Maybe I'm not as well read as I'd like to be, but it seems that a lot of feminist literature places almost all of its thinking as being a reaction to a patriarchal system (which is valid) and I'd like to read more about a possible philosophy and psychoanalytical framework without men at all, rather, women as their own entities that do not exist and react based primarily through the wills of men, with an emphasis on children/pregnancy etc. Also, this goes without saying that the thought experiment would be assuming women could become pregnant through artificial sperm (or some other method). But this may lead itself down a path of, well, why would women *choose* to be pregnant if the technology allowed for them to have children outside the womb? I guess it's a phenomenological question as well. ",,8,choistacolyte,2023-11-14 22:30:39 Feminism,17v4u68,Losing connection with other women,"Hi, I hope this belongs here. Idk about some of you, but I feel like the men in my life throughout the years have all put a sense of mystery over what or who other women are. It's alienating and I'm scared of loosing touch with us forever. Where I come from, men don't fear to express themselves and take up so much space. It's like I can kind of understand what their personality is from just hearing them talk (although they're often very obnoxious and annoying). This is also where I struggle, because I'm neurodivergent and tend not to understand social subtleties as much and I feel like women had to learn those to survive while I stayed in my corner and glossed it over when I was younger (also a cptsd surviver 🎉). As much as I like hanging out with some men one on one because they make me feel fun, it's like other men around them also won't exactly acknowledge me and I feel like I end up being their pet or a soon to be fwb.. I hate this so much. I always have to belong to them in a way in exchange for social favors. Like, I know I can be quite funny and nice to be around but it just all stays stuck up inside of myself in social settings? All of this to say that I have a hard time building friendships with women or feeling a sense of belonging. I also feel like such an imposter around them sometimes. I want to add that I don't want to put this on women's fault. It's most likely because of the way my brain is wired, but hopefully, some of you have little ways to kind of get out of this alienating feeling and kinda break the ice. I would forever appreciate it. P.s. Please note that I also have ADHD (+the tism) so forming this train of thought got all over the place. Also, english isn't my first language.",,28,Outrageous_Bat_6201,2023-11-14 15:36:30 Feminism,17ujjrq,Large psychology study debunks stereotype of feminists as man-haters,,https://www.psypost.org/2023/11/large-psychology-study-debunks-stereotype-of-feminists-as-man-haters-214480,768,zoinksbadoinks,2023-11-13 20:09:32 Feminism,17ukwdy,The Theory That Men Evolved to Hunt and Women Evolved to Gather Is Wrong,,https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-theory-that-men-evolved-to-hunt-and-women-evolved-to-gather-is-wrong1/,516,ealwhale,2023-11-13 21:06:07 Feminism,17wcjnw,Finding Male-Positive Feminist Sub-Reddits,"Bit of a tricky issue here so bare with me while I attempt to explain myself. So, I’m really interested in learning more about feminism and the way women perceive younger men in today’s society. So, I reached out to the group r/AskFeminists to ask something along the lines of “What are some of the things you like about the men of today, and what should men do more of?”. I didn’t feel as though my question was stupid, but it must have been, because the moderator responded to the post with “Um, no”. I found this a bit rude and unfair as I thought r/AskFeminists was a space designed for users to ask feminists questions. So I asked the moderator why they felt the need to “stir the pot” rather than telling me what I did wrong. If anyone has any idea what I did wrong, or can point me in the direction of some other feminist subs, please let me know. I am not trying to be rude or antagonistic - I cannot stress that enough, I’m just very, very, very confused. I love feminism but I feel as though I’m being forced out of these spaces for participating. What can I do better?",,0,[deleted],2023-11-16 03:15:13 Feminism,17vcvmz,Debunking Fraudulent Organizations/Actors and My Solutions,,/r/PoliticsandMediaBets/comments/17vboan/debunking_fraudulent_organizationsactors_and_my/,3,Mysoon2022,2023-11-14 21:33:39 Feminism,17v3br8,Ueno Chizuko’s Dialogue with Dai Jinhua: “Fear of Weakness” Mirrors the Desire for Strength,"[Ueno Chizuko’s Dialogue with Dai Jinhua: “Fear of Weakness” Mirrors the Desire for Strength](https://medium.com/@pan2312930722/reproduction-the-beijing-news-book-review-weekly-ueno-chizukos-dialogue-with-dai-jinhua-a1e71b0aac28?source=your_stories_page-------------------------------------) Professors from China and Japan talking about feminism. \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ Let me know what do you think about their opinions!",,8,External_Eggplant_91,2023-11-14 14:25:26 Feminism,17ug1b4,One Woman Died on an Alaska Mayor’s Property. Then Another. No One Has Ever Been Charged.,,https://www.propublica.org/article/two-women-died-on-alaska-mayors-property-no-one-ever-charged,90,homo_redditorensis,2023-11-13 17:39:24 Feminism,17u7b1z,I’m really tired of ‘pretty privilege’,"More specifically, I was wondering if anyone else had this same issue. I fit the current ‘beauty standards’ and get complimented a lot, but that doesn’t mean I believe it, I have quite a low self esteem from being an ugly duckling growing up. Since growing into myself and gaining more attention from people for my looks, I’ve noticed a lot of my achievements are underplayed due to how people perceive me as pretty. For example, when telling people of success in interviews, they automatically assume and will state to me ‘I bet that’s just because you’re pretty and he wanted to see you again!’ Or similarly, people assuming I’m not intelligent due to my appearance. I don’t pride myself on my looks particularly, like I said, I grew up ugly and it’s only the past 5 or so years I started gaining more and more attention- but the difference in how people treat me is huge. People talk to more, especially strangers, but value my academic or work place achievements way less and assume that it’s only because I gave a wink and a smile- which hurts when I’m extremely hard working and it took a long time to get where I am now. I’m starting to feel like I’ll never succeed as much as my male counterparts, especially in my profession which is extremely male-orientated. I’m sure it’s from a good place, but anyone else tired of this?",,127,Appropriate-Oil-2611,2023-11-13 09:51:27 Feminism,17u5f3d,"What’s up with men’s obsession to make a hate comment about single, online woman they’ve never met?","Why do men care so much about strangers only (primarily women), who they will never meet and have any say in their lives? People keep saying it’s projection. But is it? I see a lot of reel that women make, no mention of men or family, yet the men tear them down…? They all assume she’s single and going to die alone with cats. A woman made a reel about people asking redundant questions like if she’s married . She said her answer is “no” not followed by any explanation because women don’t owe one to anyone. The comments were UNHINGED. They were not just about cats but “cognitive dissonance”, “projection”, “women go for the hot men, get dumped, then ask why they’re single”, etc. The reel didn’t even mention men at all. Aside from the incels, I’ve noticed that MANY married men love to comment on these types of posts. They’re married with kids. What does the post even have to do with them? “You’re going to die alone with cats!” Oh no. What are you going to do about it 🙄",,151,pushk_a,2023-11-13 07:25:10 Feminism,17u45fn,I am part of the problem,"M 25 here. I recently heard from a female coworker/classmate that she feels like the environment around her is misogynistic and overall negative towards her as a woman. This was a waking up blow for me. I had never noticed that the work environment around us was misogynistic. And I feel so dumb now to realise that I started with the assumption that my male perspective would have been able to notice this kind of things. Not only, I feel guilty because I might have overlooked so many things because of my blind spots. I feel like I have been brainwashed from birth to not see this kind of things and that I have to un-brainwash myself in some way. I know another male colleague asked her to elaborate more on the specifics of her claim, and she answered that it’s not her job to educate men about these topics and it’s our job to do more and better. So my questions are: where should I start from in order to better myself? I am a fairly philosophical person myself and was trained as such, is there a good theoretical starting point for me to know more? Is there some community I could join to keep myself accountable for learning more? I have troubles committing to things if no one is pushing me, so internet friends and groups are a great help in this perspective.",,186,frig0bar,2023-11-13 05:52:20 Feminism,17uoji4,Running in 5 inch heels: Women's Fight for Empowerment in International Relations,[https://open.substack.com/pub/amfg/p/running-in-5-inch-heels-womens-fight?r=2wk2c4&utm\_campaign=post&utm\_medium=web](https://open.substack.com/pub/amfg/p/running-in-5-inch-heels-womens-fight?r=2wk2c4&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web),,7,cairodude12,2023-11-13 23:41:00 Feminism,17ud160,Sex(ist) tech: yet another feminist minefield.,,https://shado-mag.com/opinion/sexist-tech-yet-another-feminist-minefield/,14,shado_mag,2023-11-13 15:26:17 Feminism,17uibiv,"Death,Murder and Mortality: Why it doesnt matter if Abortion is murder",,https://youtu.be/Mb-BepPiEOY?si=xrGX8CcOgeqg-Igd,7,LucianoLetsLose,2023-11-13 19:17:09 Feminism,17to4g0,I hate being a woman,"Honestly I hate being a woman. I hate being constantly undermined and devalued and told I’m lesser than and stupid and subordinate and that my only purpose in life is to be a wife and a mother out of a million other things I could be. I literally hate the continuous verbal and sexual harassment, the lack of control over my own body, the being made to shrink myself and be smaller and the verbal abuse being told to just shut the fuck up and obey him like I’m his servant. All of these “alpha” male podcasts on social media are just recycling the same hateful rhetoric I’ve heard over and over again, that no matter how hard I try I’m just not worth as much as men are in this world and my only worth is tied to my genitalia and reproductive abilities and that’s not considered creepy. I’m so sick of the continuous harassment over my appearance, weight and behavior, the continuously being told I’m useless at only 25 while men get to stay perfect until their 50s and men get to take as much sex from me as they want but the second I give in I’m a bad person and I get blamed and bullied. When I was in high school I didn’t even want to have sex and then I was told that wasn’t cool and then the second I gave in to those messages I was shamed too. Am I supposed to just sit back and let men dictate my every move? I’m honestly getting so fucking depressed with everything that is going on. All of these podcasts are so fucking depressing and it just makes me hate being a woman more than I already do wish I was a man so I can literally get away with doing whatever I want and no one would attack me physically. Being a woman is becoming increasingly just more depressing, it’s always been depressing but now it’s more depressing.",,534,[deleted],2023-11-12 16:45:38 Feminism,17tp7qb,Julia Fox Rejects 'Sexual Object' Label While Posing Topless in New Photoshoot,,https://toofab.com/2023/11/10/julia-fox-rejects-sexual-object-label-while-posing-topless/,135,[deleted],2023-11-12 17:37:41 Feminism,17t4b83,"""The Fragile Male Ego"" by Mattczao on the eatthattoast website",,https://i.redd.it/azjlyca0bszb1.jpg,708,ClaireDacloush,2023-11-11 21:25:12 Feminism,17t7max,Sometimes I hate being a woman so much!,"I just wanted to take a night walk, (it's almost 1 am now). I didn't go far thought. One group of half drunk guys that I had to walk through was enough. Why can't guys at least just shut their damn mouth? I love walks at night so much, but being scared of guys just ruins it. How freeing must it be to be able to just go out whenever you want?? I'm so tired of this...",,247,Koyucat,2023-11-11 23:57:30 Feminism,17t3mp1,I can't imaging caring so much what someone else wears. Especially undergarment.,"Cross-post. Don't even know own why this popped up as recommended for me but I'm disgusted by a lot of the comments, from all genders. A bra isn't a requirement and if someone looks, bra or not, it's not the individual's 'fault'. Socialization also isn't an excuse to not change over something so petty. So how do we all feel personally, and in woder scope about 'requiring' a bra for work and promotions and somehow co-workers talking about your boobs behind you back as something the woman is at fault for? Cause I can't see their logic. https://www.reddit.com/r/work/s/dU4QO86siH",,183,Yunan94,2023-11-11 20:54:43 Feminism,17szc0i,Plastic surgery & feminism,"This concept is not new, this conversation has been had for a decade - but I’m writing an article on it. Please let me know your thoughts and opinions on how plastic surgery/social media filters/facetune/makeup/botox/fillers/etc relate to feminism. Is it harmful? Is it done for the woman herself? Where are these concepts coming from? Who created these beauty standards? Who’s paying for them? What about the girls of the future? Etc. Thanks ☮️",,50,Jazzlike-Mammoth-167,2023-11-11 17:34:00 Feminism,17sems3,"Today we will talking about the mischaracterization of women in anime, and how that perpetuates misogyny in the anime/manga community",,https://i.redd.it/t51huz4rblzb1.jpg,945,ClaireDacloush,2023-11-10 21:43:03 Feminism,17sts3p,Can you suggest me some feminist series?,Hello i'm sorry if this is not the right place for this post but can you suggest me some feminist series to watch? I prefer comedy if possible. Tysm!,,55,SagaAlvane,2023-11-11 12:53:50 Feminism,17t3jym,Kids' Groups Ideas?,"Hi All! &#x200B; If this doesn't belong here, all apologies! My 9-year-old niece is looking for ways to ""destroy the patriarchy."" She has a lot of raw emotion about it since she's been trying to work through and understand it more, and we think it would be good for her to turn that into positive action. She wants to go to protests (which is the easy part since we live in LA), but she also wants to find a group of girls her age who are involved. Does anyone know of organizations that run programs for pre-teens? Thanks!",,12,Critical_Course9672,2023-11-11 20:51:04 Feminism,17smht6,Husband and Slut Shaming,"So I'll start off saying there's been a few situations that have sort of given me some sexual trauma in our relationship and put a strain on us. One of the main ones that I called my husband out on tonight is his shaming of my ""number"". I'm more experienced than him and since the start of our relationship struggles with sex he's used this as something to shame me with in a variety of ways. Getting angry for example when someone else had done something with me that he didn't ever get to and I personally do not enjoy. Or, telling me he would be embarrassed if others knew ""the number"".. focusing on how it was a lot and ""how crazy"" I was before I got with him. Things that ironically I never thought to describe myself with. I did go on a lot of dates in the past but what was ironic to me was how often people assumed me talking about dates was also a sexual encounter. I never put too many thoughts into other people's assumptions because I always saw them as other people's problems when it came to something private for me but my husband has done the same thing to me time and time again even when I've given him the context to know who I am/accept me. This mindset genuinely scares me as the past me would be shocked to know I'd married someone who would judge me for such a thing.... After tonight he promised to change his mindset but only after I had essentially a speach about the above/slut shaming your wife... I'm worried that this will continue to occur. Should I be thinking about whether to stay? I'm scared to be stuck in something unhealthy. I wish he could realize on his own accord sometimes how fucked up certain things are...it feels like I have to educate on everything and sometimes that feels like a heavy burden as a woman already living it.",,235,Confident_Bath_9072,2023-11-11 04:10:11 Feminism,17t7l6j,Looking for book recommendations,"I’m looking for book recommendations with feminism themes. I saw another post looking for tv show recommendations so thought I would post here. I prefer fiction and don’t mind if it’s a little dark. I’ve already read the Handmaid’s tale, The Women Could Fly, and When Women Were Dragons.",,4,Warm_Concentrate440,2023-11-11 23:55:54 Feminism,17soh0b,Hot Take: How Fandoms treat Female vs Male Characters," Female character: Tries actively and super hard to always do the right thing and respect people's choices. Fandom: OMG She’s so boring, come back when you have a personality. The Female Character: Makes a human mistake, proving she's a complex character with flaws, capable of evolving. Fandom: OMG See? She's not a saint, she was a horrible person all along, idk why people act like she’s a good person, she should burn in hell. A Male Character in the same vicinity : Does awful things willingly, consistently and without reason, and may make jokes about hurting people in general. Fandom: OMG he’s so funny and hot. I love bad boys/villains/bad people. The Same Male Character : has a pathetic excuse for his actions, blames it on everyone else, never takes accountability, and does a teeny tiny good thing (that usually involves not hurting people to their usual standard) for selfish reasons and throws hissy fits when he doesn't get his way. Fandom: OMG, he is so sad, my poor baby, he deserves so much better, my heart is breaking for him. He is a complex character  with so many layers and he owns their horrible disgusting actions. But his actions are not his own fault. He has trauma. OMG so hot. \#fandoms \#character analysis \#yes I watch rwby \#yes I watch TLOK \#rwby \#the legend of korra \#tlok \#avatar korra \#rwby ruby \#rwby ruby rose \#ruby rose \#shonen anime \#shounen \#tlok korra \#korra \#rwby fandom \#rwby character analysis ",,66,ClaireDacloush,2023-11-11 06:15:31 Feminism,17sme24,"This woman survived an Honor Killing attempt and is still getting death threats. If you watch this video please be warned it has just about every single Trigger Warning one can get. Honor Killings are common in patriarchal societies where woman are accused of ""dishonoring"" their families.",,https://i.redd.it/cug0fyxi7nzb1.png,86,ClaireDacloush,2023-11-11 04:04:04 Feminism,17sw02f,Judy Chicago — museum retrospective,I recently visited the new exhibit at The New Museum in NYC : https://brightvoid.substack.com/p/reframing-art-history,,8,DojoPat,2023-11-11 14:52:41 Feminism,17smuzg,Britney Spears And The Centuries-Long Tradition of Pathologizing Women's Emotions,,https://www.teenvogue.com/story/britney-spears-sexist-ideas-womens-institutionalization,53,katespadesaturday,2023-11-11 04:31:58 Feminism,17sloxq,Matriarchal religion pre-dates Abrahamic religion,The Cult of the Mother-Goddess in Ancient Palestine - The University of Chicago Press: Journals https://www.journals.uchicago.edu/doi/pdf/10.1086/474349,,21,ChildrenotheWatchers,2023-11-11 03:24:20 Feminism,17sd2y4,Manipur women in naked assault video 'will not give up',,https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-india-67291370,67,BurtonDesque,2023-11-10 20:32:29 Feminism,17rvcyz,"We need to get people to stop thinking with this type of attitude towards women. This is too widespread, and there's too many women who get harmed as a result",,https://i.redd.it/fkz88h19zfzb1.jpg,1258,ClaireDacloush,2023-11-10 03:44:04 Feminism,17s54gg,"salon: ""I am not a misogynist"": Ivanka's testimony shows how the Trumps exploit sexism to defraud people","""The whole performance relies heavily on gender stereotypes. It's the common trope of the loud-mouthed man kept in check by a stable and honest woman. Typically, the combo is a literal married couple, especially in the world of sitcoms: Archie and Edith, Fred and Wilma, Homer and Marge, etc. The loutish man becomes more sympathetic when paired with a responsible woman. Audiences are meant to think, ""How bad can he be, with her around to keep him in line?"" In reality, Ivanka was in on the con, as the Forbes journalists figured out by checking her claims next to the real world numbers. The sitcom couple routine seems to have worked, however, on investors who were snookered by the Trumps. It also works to dupe Trump supporters, who frequently point to Ivanka's alleged level-headed sincerity as proof that her father ain't so bad. It doesn't matter that she's a bad actress. These stereotypes are so ingrained in people that they don't need good fakery to believe."" [https://www.salon.com/2023/11/10/i-am-not-a-misogynist-ivankas-testimony-shows-how-the-exploit-sexism-to-defraud-people/](https://www.salon.com/2023/11/10/i-am-not-a-misogynist-ivankas-testimony-shows-how-the-exploit-sexism-to-defraud-people/)",,147,jcgoldie,2023-11-10 14:26:25 Feminism,17ryw6l,I need help dealing with misogyny and ageism,"I cant take it anymore, even my brother is taking part in the misogynystic wave and it makes me so hopeless. he said i was too old to wear a pink corset at 22, because its anime style and that my time is up because women spoil fast, all because i showed him this corset top that i really liked [https://misscandyholic.com/products/quilted-corset-top](https://misscandyholic.com/products/quilted-corset-top) It has me feeling so sad because since i was little ive been afraid of the pass of time and FOMO due to anxiety and not being very social. Im also taking a break from social media. Everything is getting to me, the policeman that was saying that a woman was not worth anything because she is 26... it just makes me feel so hopeless, and the worst is that ive shared it with other people and they dont give it any importance.",,295,Ilikechocolateicecre,2023-11-10 07:32:42 Feminism,17sahqg,A quick thank you to this community,"I recently posted a song clip that I was hoping to get views on for a university competition concerning women in STEM. I don’t do social media well - after a scary experience, I’ve struggled to try to feel brave enough (in fact, I ended up removing my video post here, because I felt anxious - absolutely silly, but I recognize it takes time to teach my brain I’m safe and the fix won’t happen overnight). All of that said, I wanted to sincerely thank you. My post on this community was my first attempt at confronting my fear, and not only did you leave very nice comments, but so many of you viewed my clip. It absolutely warmed my heart and made me realize that I’m on the right path in life. Thank you sincerely, from the bottom of my heart. I hope I can help empower other women and feminists just as you all have for me. Words aren’t enough. Wishing amazing things for all of you.",,21,A_STEMinist,2023-11-10 18:32:46 Feminism,17qwx44,Believe All Women — Unless They Are Jewish,,https://medium.com/the-virago/believe-all-women-unless-they-are-jewish-b30a366464f3?sk=906619bd15ceac4793a6b8d2ab224879,11,malpal12345,2023-11-08 21:59:42 Feminism,13u5hpg,I hate religion and religious people,"I'm from Bangladesh, it's majority is Muslim. Recently a ""controversy"" has been trendy about a girl being groped by her close male friend when she was asleep and sick beside him in the bus during their return from vacation with friend group. All the men and women are blaming the girl why she went alone as a girl without family and with guy friends. They're also slutshaming her about her dress up, saying she deserved it as she wears western clothes (Normal t-shirt and jeans can be controversial in my country in some conservative areas) People are making memes about her trauma. I'm so disheartened and hopeless about the progress of my country. Women are treated worse than girls here and they act like wearing hijab and niqab will prevent women from getting raped or molested or not having guy friends. Guess what none of that works, I've actually heard one of my male super religious cousin say, ""he gets super turned on when he sees hijabi women"" This is a religion of scum which teaches men to be violent and women to be slaves. Please don't say I'm islamophobe, I am an exmuslim. I have suffered for 25 years and still suffering from this virus. Sorry for venting.",,2186,peparonipizza,2023-05-28 17:05:14 marriedredpill,acvzgx,Steel's Guide to Married Red Pill,"*“This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill - the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill - you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes.” – Morpheus* # Steel’s Guide to Married Red Pill [(A)](http://archive.is/b8Grn) Given some of the recent changes and the jump in subscribers, it is a good time to give a brief overview of MRP. [Hey dude, got a minute?](http://theredpillroom.blogspot.com/2012/05/dude-got-minute.html) [(A)](http://archive.is/Cf9LE)... Let’s have a [conversation](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3crj03/are_you_new_lets_have_a_conversation/) [(A)](http://archive.is/HbRqr). # What Is The Red Pill For an answer to this, take a gander at [podcast #31](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qvwj2_KwIVg), start at 22:40. Rollo’s answer - It will always be about intersexual dynamics. Rian Stone – Game is red pill. You have to understand why things are happening and the way they are happening. He references [this post](http://hawaiianlibertarian.blogspot.com/2009/09/game-is-red-pill.html) [(A)](http://archive.is/2upB8) from back in 2009. Rollo – Red pill is the theory, game is the testing of red pill. Donovan – Not only understanding a woman’s true nature, but being man enough, or having the balls to act on what you know with red pill awareness. Steel’s answer – The red pill, to me, is the truth behind intersexual dynamics between men and woman, and taking action based on that truth. Simple as that. The red pill is not “sit back, relax, and keyboard warrior away”, nor is it a wretched hive of scum and villainy. No, scratch that. We’re taking that label. MRP – A Sexual Wretched Hive of Married Scum and Villainy^tm. Too many people are trying to define red pill, or have corrupted the definition. Make it simple. Intersexual dynamics and Game. That’s all. # What Is Married Red Pill From the FAQ: “We are men that subscribe to The Red Pill (TRP) philosophy of sexual strategy, and are dedicated to applying it in marriage or in Long Term Relationships. This sub was created independently to address the needs of married men to discuss relationships issues. Our approach is different from /r/relationships and /r/deadbedrooms because those don't work. Instead, here we focus on how to become stronger men to lead our marriage and LTRs to happiness.” Married Red Pill first is a locker room. There will be trash talk. Married Red Pill also is a laboratory. There is practical advice here. But sometimes you get a lot of spaghetti thrown up on the wall to see if it sticks. Keep that in mind. Ultimately, Married Red Pill is a bunch of men swapping notes on what works and what doesn’t from a married perspective. If you don’t like that, don’t let the locker room door hit you on the way out. For additional perspective on MRP and AskMRP, [read this](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/8wbfu2/what_is_marriedredpill_what_is_askmrp/) [(A)](http://archive.is/hXYpY). # Rule Zero Rule Zero: [Stay On Topic](http://archive.is/7LuNz) From ye olde TRP forum – “TRP's mission is to discuss men's identity, sexual strategy, and options in the context of our current global culture for the benefit of men. Anyone who does not share that goal will be banned the instant we detect them. We are not interested in debating or defending our experiences to those who disagree with the red pill, nor do we want to clog up our threads defending the morality of our choices.” So, what does that mean for MRP? Rule Zero there is the same as Rule Zero here – mostly though we are married. Stay on topic. If you do not stay on topic, you will be banned and your post deleted. If your post does not add value, your post will be removed. The moderators will continue to work to ensure the signal to noise ratio is correct. # What Do I Do First You are expected to read the sidebar – all of the sidebar. You are expected to **SHUT THE FUCK UP**. You are expected to get up off your fat ass and go get a gym membership, and actually go to the gym. You are expected to lift heavy weights until it hurts so good at least three times per week. ~~You are expected to stand outside on the porch for three days without food and endure all sorts of humiliation.~~ Well maybe not standing on the porch. But you get the idea. What don’t you do? Get an itchy trigger finger and write up a post without having done these items. What do you do? You [read this guide](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2vykau/a_guide_for_beginners_to_mrp/) [(A)](http://archive.is/Ga4YG). [You chill out](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/4y6kav/greetings_and_chill_the_fck_out/) [(A)](http://archive.is/bAidd). You start your work on the sidebar and wiki. You make a decision to get better. You make a damn plan. You get to work. # STFU If you are new, and reading this, I guarantee you that you have no idea how to STFU. Even guys who have been here a while still struggle with their STFU. First of all, let’s cover this: you do not talk about fight club. **You DO NOT TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB. YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB!** However you want to phrase it, you STFU about fight club. There’s no point in stepping on your own dick. Second, when your wife is fighting with you, you do not engage. Do you think that arguing with her and having verbal diarrhea of the mouth is going to get you anywhere? No. Are you trying to argue with a woman’s hamster? Newsflash: women’s hamsters eat logic and shit more hamsters. You need to STFU unless you want to deal with a shitton of hamsters. Third, don’t open your mouth if what will come out of it is unattractive. [Be attractive](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/7bnz0y/attractiveness/) [(A)](http://archive.is/czb3a). Don’t be unattractive. Call it the attractive filter on your mouth. Don’t say stupid stuff. Don’t say stuff that makes you look bad. Just shut up. Fourth, don’t go to your wife for validating behavior. So you lost five pounds. You fixed the things around the house you said you would. You bench-pressed more than the bar. You took the car for repairs and an oil change and got it running again. Good for you. Take that cup of STFU and drink it deeply. You shut up. You don’t talk about the stuff that you should have been doing anyway. You act like a man who has their shit together. Let me repeat that: **YOU ACT LIKE A MAN WHO HAS THEIR SHIT TOGETHER.** Men don’t go to mommy and say “Look at me and how well I did.” Fifth, with regards to shit tests, if you are a beginner, you need to learn how to STFU. You will be tested once you start making positive changes in your life. Sixth, [verbal intercourse is optional](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3qm961/verbal_intercourse_is_optional/ - ) [(A)](http://archive.is/2VmqV). (Note - read the comments as well as the original post). Seventh, you have to calibrate your use of STFU. You don’t eat paint and STFU like someone with autism. Adjust and modify your use of STFU as appropriate. This is [one of the best definitions of STFU out there](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6x3uwc/new_to_mrp_starting_to_understand_the_concepts/dmcyrp5/) [(A)](http://archive.is/Sp8ix). Eighth, if you are new, [you are not doing enough STFU](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/4ynsog/jesus_titty_fucking_christ_n00bs/) [(A)](http://archive.is/o3mIo). From our resident [RP philosopher](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/74a0pn/selfesteem_sidebar_lifting_stfu_and_you/) [(A)](http://archive.is/DpHZx): “We tell you to STFU because you play the victim, you overshare your fee-fees, you ruin any respect people might have had for you. As you learn, you want to get validated: Look, I'm figuring it out! Don't do that. If you do, you'll undo your progress. Cue bad feelings, poor self-concept.” Drink your cup of STFU. Wash it down with some more STFU. And don’t forget to STFU. # Lift Lifting is not optional. Lifting is your foundation for what you are doing here. If you have been a fence sitter, reading the books, but not doing any lifting or taking any action in your life, you’ve done nothing. You need to get up off your fat unhealthy BMI ass and get to the gym. Let me give you an example from a recent u/OsmiumZulu post: “Pick up artist [Owen from RSD](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HDbI10CQUs8) and fitness YouTuber [Connor Murphy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tG4sKioLAxw). Both of these guys get a ton of response from women. Owen overcomes his sub-average appearance by having extraordinarily tight game. If you watch some of his in-field videos you will see the that most of his pick-up goes like this: 1) Approach 2) Resistance and a gauntlet of fitness tests 3) Hold frame 4) more tests 5) eventually she becomes attracted to him despite his appearances On the other hand, Connor's physique works like a cheat code in a video game. His approaches basically go like this: 1) Approach (or get approached) 2) take shirt off 3) Get number close, kiss close, F close, whatever. “ Now I’m not saying that you are going to look like Connor Murphy. But let me ask you this question. If you were fit, hot, and in shape, do you think that it would be easier to attract your wife? Would you be attractive to all women? Just sayin’. The sidebar has [some information here](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/42iux1/60_days_of_dread_week_1_lifting_for_life/) [(A)](http://archive.is/KEwSB), but you’ll find more on places like the [Stronglifts subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/r/Stronglifts5x5/) or other similar subreddits. Similarly, you can find [more information here](https://stronglifts.com/blog/). You want some comparison lifts? [Here you go](https://strengthlevel.com/strength-standards/male/lb) [(A)](http://archive.is/4am1q). And absolutely do not get [fuckarounditis](https://leangains.com/fuckarounditis/) [(A)](http://archive.is/YXBb0) at the gym. You have to understand, [the iron will never lie to you](https://www.nerdfitness.com/iron-and-soul/) [(A)](http://archive.is/UohcW). You need to focus, have a plan, do it right. Here is a [great lifting post and plan.](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/54y4f7/manbuilding_in_the_gym_my_newest_plan_of_action/) [(A)](http://archive.is/FT03i) Personally, there are lots of choices for your lifting program, but I believe the best program is the one that you can stick with, the one that gets you to open that gym door over and over. u/bogeyd6 said it best, [75% of your problems can be fixed by lifting](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/9ex1v7/lift_faggot_lift/e5s62b2/) [(A)](http://archive.is/ccV2C). One final note. You will not be able to outlift a bad diet. You need to figure out what are macros – [these](https://www.ruled.me/keto-calculator/), not [these](https://support.office.com/en-us/article/quick-start-create-a-macro-741130ca-080d-49f5-9471-1e5fb3d581a8) (this place needs more Excel jokes). You need to eat right. Check out the references below for some links (60 DoD section). Calculate your [TDEE](https://www.sailrabbit.com/bmr/). Decide for yourself whether the food you are eating is helping you or hindering you. I’m a big fan of keto, but you have to figure out what’s best for you. # Sidebar Here are the sidebar links: The FAQ - https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/7t5yly/guidelines_and_faq_updated_january_26_2018/ [(A)](http://archive.is/MlW4y) Glossary of Terms - http://archive.is/nxTLB Other common MRP Terms - https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/9g4edy/other_common_mrp_acronyms/ [(A)](http://archive.is/Dj8kE) Guide for Beginners - https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2vykau/a_guide_for_beginners_to_mrp/ [(A)](http://archive.is/Ga4YG) MRP Wiki *(DO NOT SKIP THIS)* - https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/wiki/index Posting Quality Guide - https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/4z84w5/posting_quality_guide_for_rmarriedredpill/ [(A)](http://archive.is/vxhmy) **Course Prerequisites** No More Mr. Nice Guy, by Glover - https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339 , $15.47 on Amazon The Married Man Sex Life Primer, by Athol Kay - https://www.amazon.com/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731 , $18.99 on Amazon When I Say No, I Feel Guilty, by Smith - https://www.amazon.com/When-Say-No-Feel-Guilty/dp/0553263900 , $7.19 on Amazon **Red Pill 101** The Rational Male - https://www.amazon.com/Rational-Male-Rollo-Tomassi/dp/1492777862 (note, get the paperback, because it’s harder to get rid of paperbacks than electronic books), $10.02 on Amazon. The website for Year 1 is free - https://therationalmale.com/the-best-of-rational-male-year-one/ , but I recommend getting the paperback. The Mindful Attraction Plan - https://www.amazon.com/Mindful-Attraction-Plan-Practical-Creating/dp/149045151X , $16.99 on Amazon The 16 Commandments of Poon - http://archive.is/tbNzv , free The Book of Pook - https://bookofpook.neocities.org/ ; https://bookofpook.neocities.org/TheBookofPook.pdf , free Red Pill Sidebar - http://www.redpillhandbook.com/ , free ""I get it!"" ""No, you really don't."" - Triadis3 - https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/7n0jcx/now_i_get_it_but_should_i_next_this_bch/dry5fsn/ [(A)](http://archive.is/wGg7Z) I’m just going to pause for a second. Sidebar books cost $68.66. Think you can afford it? The real question you’ve got to ask yourself is, do you want to get laid? Well, do ya, punk? **Graduate Level** The Way of the Superior Man – David Deida - http://deida.info/the-way-of-the-superior-man/ The 48 Laws of Power, Robert Greene - http://www.amazon.com/The-Laws-Power-Robert-Greene/dp/0140280197 The Sex God Method, Daniel Rose **[Advanced Reading List for MRP]( http://www.reddit.com/r/redpillbooks/comments/2fae6w/red_pill_books_from_the_professor/)** [(A)](http://archive.is/eZLLC) Moving to the **General Awesome Guy Shit** section: The Red Pill Room - http://theredpillroom.blogspot.com/ How To Win Friends and Influence People, Carnegie – http://www.westegg.com/unmaintained/carnegie/win-friends.html [(A)](http://archive.is/onIRR) A River Runs Through It and Other Stories, Norman Maclean Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, Robert M. Pirsig IRC Chat Room For MRP Members - https://www.irccloud.com/#!/irc.quakenet.org:6667/#marriedredpill Reference to /r/redpillfatherhood with your Daddy issues. MRP also has a **Video** section on the sidebar: BPP’s Book and Video Class on MRP - https://bluepillprofessor.wordpress.com/2015/05/22/hello-world/ RPC’s Advanced Video Class on MRP - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRCcXsJScfWlYHP5kHJqNbg Entrepreneurs in Cars: Guys, Girls, and the 21 Convention - https://www.youtube.com/user/EntrepreneursInCars **Previous Sticked Posts that have been on the Sidebar** SteelSharpensSteel’s Breakdown: The Mystery Method - https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/7aeibr/back_to_basics_mystery_method_the_game_and_the/ [(A)](http://archive.is/vOmHL) You Are What You Eat - https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3e3qc4/you_are_what_you_eat/ [(A)](http://archive.is/n81UO) Body Language - https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3qkonn/lets_talk_body_language/ [(A)](http://archive.is/7XhQ4) Don't fix her problem..Fix her feelz - http://archive.is/rZ7DN New? Panicked or feeling Punch-Drunk? - http://archive.is/bAidd dondreadpirates notes on plates while married - http://archive.is/pp1qm Under **Divorce Advice** we have: Red-Curious' Divorce Prep Guide - https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/6tsban/why_im_not_afraid_of_divorce_rape_and_how_to_get/ [(A)](http://archive.is/ABAHs) Red-Curious’ Follow up 5-step functional introduction - https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/79n1mz/and_so_my_journey_must_begin/dp3mr2o/ [(A)](http://archive.is/8ht70) Red-Curious’ “Beta"" Divorce Strategy Planning - https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/9j5cus/better_beta_divorce_strategy/ [(A)](http://archive.is/ZkJTK) The Art of War Sun Tzu explains how to handle modern relationships and Divorce - http://classics.mit.edu/Tzu/artwar.html [(A)](http://archive.is/ZiWXY) Pre-empting the DV Charge - https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/7cwvyk/preempting_the_dv_charge/ [(A)](http://archive.is/WDXJE) Tactics to minimize alimony. - https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/7tic4x/fr_the_spousal_support_scam/ [(A)](http://archive.is/d706k) The **Precursors to TRP** section has the following: Practical Female Psychology: For the Practical Man - https://www.amazon.ca/Practical-Female-Psychology-Man-ebook/dp/B00RR6RNO6 The Red Queen: Sex and the Evolution of Human Nature - https://www.amazon.ca/Red-Queen-Evolution-Human-Nature-ebook/dp/B006O4227U The 60 Days of Dread can be found in the References. I would also add the following to your readings: Top MRP Posts - https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/top/?sort=top&t=all Gilded MRP Posts - https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/gilded/ You might ask yourself – why do these guys keep saying read the sidebar? - https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/7ewrwd/why_do_we_keep_hearing_the_redundant_read_the/ [(A)](http://archive.is/jqBIB) ###[Next Part](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/acvzgx/steels_guide_to_married_red_pill/edb8ik7/)",,522,SteelSharpensSteel,2019-01-05 17:14:51 marriedredpill,1aejou2,"Own Your Shit Weekly - January 30, 2024","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,6,AutoModerator,2024-01-30 08:30:08 marriedredpill,19djslk,"Own Your Shit Weekly - January 23, 2024","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,14,AutoModerator,2024-01-23 08:30:09 marriedredpill,197y2wq,"Own Your Shit Weekly - January 16, 2024","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,11,AutoModerator,2024-01-16 08:30:07 marriedredpill,194huh1,How to fix sex in your marriage,"You don't. That's it. That's the thread. &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; But 3KL, lol, isn't MRP dedicated to fixing sex in relationships? Rule zero and all that? No it's not. I'm going to have to rehash previously explained topics again, aren't I? &nbsp; **Actively fixing sex** What do people mean by fix? It's usually either increasing the frequency of sex that they have, or improving the quality of sex. How do people conceptualise fixing it? Most idiots seem to think it means that if you do x, y and z, the result will be that your wife will want to have sex with you more. That's just not how it works. But why doesn't it work like that? Because it's not a fucking slot machine where you just do x and get y. There's no magic bullet. Stop looking for one. You can't make a goal of 'fixing sex in my marriage'. Why? Because it doesn't fucking work. You end up doing the [Dancing Monkey attraction program](https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/74yepr/the_dancing_monkey_attraction_improvement/) instead. And boy do guys at MRP love trying that. It never works. It won't work. Stop doing that. Alright? Is that clear? Do we all understand now? &nbsp; **Ok then, so what the fuck can I do?** You can't 'fix' sex in your marriage. But you can improve your sex life. But 3KL isn't that the same thing? No it's fucking not. In the first situation, you are trying to make someone do something. Last I checked you can't make people do what you want them to. In the second scenario, the only person you're changing is you. That's the fucking difference. When you do all the basic shit on the sidebar like: * Lift regularly * Take control of shit * Get rid of covert contracts * Stop feeling guilty when you say no * Establish boundaries and fucking enforce them * Start being attractive, stop being unattractive etc. Then you end up being someone who is actually, you know, attractive. Then you get to make a choice as to what you do. Your wife gets first crack at your libido. And if she doesn't want to play ball, then you find someone else to have sex with. That's it. That's how you improve your sex life. This is what the whole 'fix the man' shit means. &nbsp; **But I don't want to cheat on my wife** Cool. Then don't. I don't care. If you want things to improve, you need to be a man who's worth a shit, i.e. has options. Most people who make the 'I won't cheat' statement typically aren't at a stage where they have options. So how about you get to the point where other women actually want to have sex with you, and then you make the call. &nbsp; **I don't have options yet but I still want more sex with my wife** Nobody cares. Do the work first. &nbsp; That's it. That's the thread. I'm keeping it short because yes, I am aware of the subtleties and the various other topics that surround this (frame, game, shit tests blah blah). It's simple, but it's not easy. But that's how it works. If you find yourself writing in your OYS that 'I'm trying to fix sex' or 'I tried to fix sex', or 'How do I fix sex', then this thread is to remind you that you've missed the fucking point.",,126,threekindsoflucky,2024-01-12 00:52:22 marriedredpill,192v9ql,How To Get Jacked - A Beginner To Advanced Guide,"I'm a Reddit noob so you'll have to deal with my shitty formatting. **Everyone at one point has asked the question ""How do I get jacked"" or ""What's the best program"".** I recently got this question and went into more detail than I should have for a comment - so I decided to go full bore and make an actual thread for it. **Answer:** It depends where you are in development honestly, which is why this is a long answer; it’s nuanced. *To preface this: I am speaking from my own experience and the experiences of clients I’ve trained. I will give my suggestions and explain why. There are many ways to get jacked, but this is the way I recommend to get there with the least amount of fuckery possible.* **Step 1:** I would have a trainee run [Phraks Greyskull LP](https://physiqz.com/workout-routines/powerbuilding-programs/greyskull-lp-best-powerbuilding-routine-beginners-gslp/) until his lifts stop progressing consistently. This should take a while, anywhere from 6 to 18 months, and his big 3 lifts should be at or above 1,000lbs total. This is an arbitrary number, but I put it here to emphasize how long one can and should run such a program for. \*Feel free to add an exercise of Biceps Curls at the end of each training session (3x8-12). *Why Phraks?* I recommend this because it will give the trainee the fastest strength progression possible as it is a Linear Periodization (LP) program, without leaving any weak points (it addresses all primary movement patterns of the human body… Vertical Push/Pull | Horizontal Push/Pull | Squat | Hinge (Deadlift)). I prefer Phraks Greyskull over other templates like Starting Strength, StrongLifts, etc because it addresses all these planes of movement. Additionally there is data to support that beginners will gain muscle at the same rate whether training with strength or hypertrophy methods. \- If both strength and hypertrophy training methods produce the same physique changes, the trainee should be maximizing strength. The alternative is to have the same end-of-beginner-physique, but be weaker than if he had been following a strength template like Phraks. Lastly, it puts the trainee in a position to do very well in either hypertrophy or powerlifting training methods, while giving him a taste of both if he weren’t sure which direction to take. **Step 2:** IF (and only if) the trainee is no longer progressing with Phraks Greyskull LP, I would then recommend he start [DoggCrapp Training](https://www.intensemuscle.com/forum/main-forums/the-dogg-pound/pound-puppy-forum/1615625-dc-2-way-in-2021) with the 2 or 3 day split. During this time, the trainee will learn what it means to really be training to failure, and he will be SORE. A trainee should also be learning how they recover and respond to different exercises (both are rather individual, moreso recovery than exercise response), as well as learning good exercise selection. *Why DoggCrapp?* I recommend this program because nothing teaches muscular failure like Dante Trudel's Rest Pause method. Learning this point is essential for the trainee to continue getting effective reps and avoiding junk volume. People have been successful running DoggCrapp for literally years on end without taking a break; some as much as a decade or more. This program can be the trainee’s “forever program” if he wishes. **Step 3a:** If a trainee wanted some variety while training with the same DC Intensity principles, I would then recommend moving to [Trained By JP](https://www.trainedbyjp.com/). While this program corrects a few of the things I may disagree with regarding DC training, I do not think this can effectively be run without first learning to really juice a single set for everything it has to offer. Hence why I start with DC training before this. It isn't necessarily ""better"" than DoggCrapp, it's simply got nothing I can criticize. NOTE: I have VERY few criticisms of DC training and most everyone would be better off taking Dante Trudel's words as gospel until they are at a VERY advanced state of training (by ""very advanced"" I sincerely mean that you are capable of placing in bodybuilding competitions if you lost 10lbs of fat). *Why TBJP?* I find this program to be extremely effective and allows for significant changes to suit the trainee based on recovery. This is personally my favorite program. **Step 3b:** Similarly to 3a, a trainee could do very well by starting [Fortitude Training](https://drscottstevenson.com/fortitude-training-products.html) (I recommend starting with Virgin Voyage as the system is complicated to set up without this). Paying for the program will grant you access to Scott Stevenson’s forums, where he is very helpful. *Why Fortitude?* Some older gentlemen may want to consider this in lieu of TBJP as it tends to be a little more joint friendly. That being said, it is still wildly effective regardless of the age of said trainee. This program is equally as effective as TBJP or DoggCrapp, it just isn't my personal preference. **Step 4:** If you are at a point where DC, Fortitude, TBJP and proper dieting/nutrition/gear are getting you progress, you are beyond the stage where I can advise you. Moreover, you are probably getting so jacked that you're starting to turn women off. *(There's a PUA, maybe it was Roosh or Roissy, that posted his experiences with this, if someone wants to link this, it would be greatly appreciated - I cannot find it/haven't read it myself).* Such an individual is unquestionably jacked, in or out of clothes (if you have to tell someone you lift, you are not here yet); I expect this to take anywhere from 7-10 years of no bullshit training to achieve. 15 years if you're a retard like I was when I first started lifting (15 years ago). \*Note: Where I add one exercise of Biceps Curls at the end of every session – if your wife is training with you, I would not have her do Biceps curls; instead I would have her alternate Glute Bridges on Deadlift Day and “Bad Girls” (adductor machine) on Squat Day. You’re welcome. \*\*Note: Any [John Meadows](https://mountaindogdiet.com/john/john-meadows/) training programs would be a great pit stop in between 1-2 or 2-3, or anytime afterwards. They are higher in volume but absolutely brutal, and I've never known anyone to get smaller as the result of running one. \*\*\*Note: If your diet is shit, do not expect anything but shitty results from these programs. \*\*\*\*Note: Your [Deadlift](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QRbf7XuacxA&t=1679s&pp=ygUdc28geW91IHRoaW5rIHlvdSBjYW4gZGVhZGxpZnQ%3D), [Squat](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gNOpFrPCHqo&pp=ygUac28geW91IHRoaW5rIHlvdSBjYW4gc3F1YXQ%3D) and [Bench](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6g27o6ZSRSc&pp=ygUac28geW91IHRoaW5rIHlvdSBjYW4gYmVuY2g%3D) form probably suck, so watch these videos to save yourself some time, then put up some better numbers. &#x200B; **TL;DR:** **1)** Phraks until you stop progressing for 2 or more weeks. You should be able to follow this to have a big 3 into the 1,000lb club, and then some. Expected 6-18 months, but many could follow this program as written for years or a lifetime if only seeking to maintain with minimal effort. **2)** DoggCrapp for 3-6 months, but can be run for the rest of your life. **3a)** TBJP for minimum 3 months, but can be run for the rest of your life. **3b)** Fortitude Training. Can be run for the rest of your life. **4)** Get a coach or maintain what you have and find some different hobbies, fuck. Intrasexual competition should not be taken to extremes unless you are a fucking weirdo like me - even then, it is not advisable.",,55,BecomingABetterMan1,2024-01-10 00:59:04 marriedredpill,192a0ji,"Own Your Shit Weekly - January 09, 2024","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,11,AutoModerator,2024-01-09 08:30:08 marriedredpill,18wkm3u,"Own Your Shit Weekly - January 02, 2024","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,11,AutoModerator,2024-01-02 08:30:08 marriedredpill,18twaj0,Field Report: The Interview,"I discovered MRP about three months ago. I have been working on internalizing the sidebar and owning my shit ever since. It's not very long, and I still make plenty mistakes, but the early results have been good. One of my goals was to learn to be more sexually dominant. This FR contains some notes from my progress. ##Background I knew that roleplay had long been a desire of my wife's, but I never acted on it. I explored some D/s power exchange earlier this year and my wife loved it, but I couldn't really engage. I would happily break out the bondage accessories but could not bring myself to start an immersive roleplay. Every time I tried to *be dominant* my lifetime of bluepill cultural conditioning (chivalry, romanticism, feminism, and nice guy-ism) kicked in, started my hamster, and prevented me from fully enjoying it. My head would fill with contradictions like, ""This isn't you. You don't know what to do. You're hurting her...."" and so on. Time and time again I fell back into the intolerable rut: vanilla comfort sex. Validation seeking. Negotiating desire. Weekly duty sex. Cue MRP. Influx of new ideas. I'm the prize? My sexuality is a gift? As I worked on integrating these ideas, my own desire to revisit the D/s role play reasserted itself. I decided to grow a pair, try again, and let it all out on her. Whatever happened couldn't be worse for my marriage than five years of chronic Niceguyism. ##Setup I found the right opportunity. My wife was out of the house in the evening and I was at home with the kids. I had barely seen her all day. Our few interactions had been sexually charged. After the kids were asleep I had time to get ready. I planned the scene. My wife gets off on a fantasy about being fucked in at the office by the man in authority, so I decided the scene would be an interview. I prepared my home office and the bedroom. I planned who my character would be, what he likes and dislikes, and how he would test an applicant. I wrote down a bunch of ideas and picked the ones that were the most hot, twisted, or funny to me. I was having fun. I made the invitation. I sent my wife a text in the style of an old classified ad: ""Wanted: secretary, typing and computer skills required, walk-in interviews today..."" She didn't reply for a long time. She was trapped at The Olive Garden for Grandma's 95th birthday, probably going HAM on breadsticks just to remain conscious. Meanwhile, I was doing laundry because my 3 year old threw up on me. Twice. Not ideal circumstances. I started to worry it wasn't going down after all. I prepared myself emotionally to abort and try another day. OI right? But after an hour or so, I got the *heart eyes emoji* in reply. It was on. It was getting late when she called to tell me she was finally on the way home. ""Are you still taking interviews?"" she asked. I told her yes, if she hurried in, an exceptional candidate might still be considered. ##The Scene When the applicant arrived I seated her at my computer. ""I haven't much time. Let's kill two birds at once. We'll do the typing test and go over workplace expectations. Take a dictation for me."" I started reading from a list of rules I had chosen for her to observe, each of them meant to contribute to the DEVI of the scene: ""I shall address him only as Sir."" (D) ""I shall explore who I want to be without judgment."" (E) ""I shall be open to new possibilities and experiences."" (V) ""I shall not discuss personal business except in case of emergency."" (I) And so on. My applicant was giddy and visibly nervous, forgetting at first how to open MS Word and find homerow on the keyboard. When she got behind on typing she was flustered. I placed my had on her offered my reassurance. ""It's natural to feel anxious in your first interview. Relax and breathe. You are doing just fine."" I watched her emotions racing from anxiety to comfort and back to anxiety again. I knew I had her, and my fear of leading the scene evaporated. When she finished typing I had her print a copy and fetch it for me. She gave it to me to look over. I handed it right back. ""Read it back to me."" She took a breath and started to read. ""I shall address him only as Sir. I shall explore who I want to be..."" her voice caught in her throat and trailed off. Tears came to her eyes. She gathered herself and continued reading in a whisper. ""Without judgment. I shall be open to new possibilities..."" I felt the urge to comfort her again but let it pass. When she finished reading she wiped her eyes and blew her nose. She was a mess. I told her she had done very well with the typing. I asked if she had any questions about my expectations. ""No,"" she said. I hardened my face and stared at her contemptuously. ""No, sir."" She squeaked. ""Good. Would you care for a tour of the work location?"" ""Yes, sir."" I told her the dress code for the rest of the interview and sent her to the bedroom. ""I'll knock at five after."" When I came to her she was ready. I put on her blindfold and took a moment to enjoy her beauty. She is not so young anymore, nor as perfectly shapely as when I met her as a teenager. It didn't matter. When she knelt there waiting for me with perfect obedience and a hunger to be dominated, she was a perfect 10 in my eyes. ""I put out an ad for a secretary, but that wasn't entirely honest. What I am really looking for is a submissive little bitch. Would you like to be my little bitch?"" She grinned from ear to ear. ""Yes, sir."" I turned up the music. Wouldn't want the children to hear any more of this. ##Reflections When I finished with her she was physically and emotionally spent. ""I didn't know how badly I wanted that. Thank you,"" she said. Thank you? These were not words I was accustomed to hearing after sex. Normally sex was a way I demanded my wife to validate me and make me feel accepted. Instead I had given her what she deeply craved: masculine sexual leadership. That freed her up so that her feminine submissive instincts could take over. ""Thank you."" She had received the scene as a gift. I started this year a nice guy, frustrated, addicted to pornography, habitually masturbating, emotionally needy, whiny, pathetic, scratching and biting to get laid once or twice a week. I hated these things about myself, but repressed those feelings and instead projected blame onto my wife. I also blamed biology, the culture, God, and everything else for her apparent lack of desire. All along, the problem was me. You're reading MRP because, like me, you've experienced sexual frustration and confusion in your marriage. I feel grateful I stumbled into this place and found the knowledge I needed right there in the sidebar. Special thanks to /u/ragnar_Daneskjold for the well deserved two week ban that woke me up from my stubbornness and excuses, and to /u/HornsOfApathy who has superhuman patience for explaining concepts to autists. I share these notes not to make myself into ""someone"" in your eyes, but only in hopes they might help other men. Life is an adventure that calls you into becoming something more. Open your eyes see that your marriage and woman are instruments for your betterment. If they frustrate you, take responsibility. ##Tips for the interview scene: * Make up your own rules in advance. I purposefully left most of mine out of the story because they're particular to our relationship and personal kinks. * Remember DEVI and avoid crass nonsense. ""I shall always distend my butthole on command"" might add to D but subtracts from E and I. * Don't skimp on the dress code. Women are usually more attuned to clothing than men. Wearing a hot pencil skirt vs. her normal blue jeans might take the scene to a whole new level. * For the scene to flow naturally it's more important to know ""who you are"" than to know exactly what you will do. Try these writing prompts: ""When I am dominant, I am..."" and ""When I am dominant, I want...""",,42,vitrael2,2023-12-29 20:15:53 marriedredpill,18r3lts,"Own Your Shit Weekly - December 26, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,8,AutoModerator,2023-12-26 08:30:07 marriedredpill,18qzwjs,Is it bad your (ex) wife started dating so soon?,"After reading the monkey branching post and digesting some of the red pill material in this sub, I get the idea that women will hardly date down - they wont break up with you to date someone lower level. So if women move from one relationship to another quickly does that mean: they found someone better than you; you werent as high value as you shouldve been; sometimes women seek new thrills and emotions, specially if young/detached; doesnt necessarily mean shit. Curious about this topic. Has anyone ever got dumped for somebody else?",,14,RedditSucks369,2023-12-26 04:41:23 marriedredpill,18mq6ey,60 DoD: Social Remediation,"Gentlemen, the year is drawing to a close, and so is 60 Days of Dread. It’s been an eventful two months for some of you, and today you’re going to learn to **create an amazing social life so that your wife will finally want to have sex with you**. No, wait. Today you’re going to learn to **build social skills because that’s something you want for yourself**. Prefer to be a social recluse and stay home? Enjoy staring endlessly at your phone “checking messages” when there’s a lull in conversation? Want to never ever be the first one to speak with new people? You do you. Close this thread and go do something else. If you hate feeling awkward around new people, if you’re frustrated that none of your friendships are close, or you don’t like that your social calendar consists exclusively of kids’ playdates, work obligations, and the occasional event with your wife, your wife’s friend, and your wife’s friend’s husband, let’s chat. # The format We’re doing remedial work here, so I’m going to keep this simple. You can scroll down and find a scenario you identify with. Read the section underneath. Try it. Give feedback and suggestions in the comments. Include your experience in OYS or write a field report if you feel so moved. I went through most of this myself. I had to find my social confidence in college and I had to find it again as a married man who realized he’d let his social skills atrophy and his friend network evaporate. I did it by putting myself out there and trying until I got what I wanted. It’s simple but also hard. None of this is rocket science and this is not an exhaustive treatise on curing social anxiety. This is some ideas to get you started. You need to try stuff and learn from the experience. When it doesn’t go the way you want, reflect on why and maybe come here and ask for ideas. (The right format for that is generally the OYS thread.) ## Scenario: I have crippling social anxiety. There are some people out there who have social anxiety to the point they can’t leave their houses. Their symptoms are as impactful as severe OCD. If that’s you, your issue is above my paygrade and I’d recommend you find a good therapist and probably explore pharmaceuticals with a qualified psychiatrist as well. If that’s not you, cut the negative self-talk and the bullshit. Most people who complain about social anxiety are well within the normal range of functioning adults who are not as socially comfortable as they wish they were. Mostly it’s “social skills I haven’t learned are hard”. Yeah, that’s how it works. You don’t have crippling social anxiety any more than you have crippling squat anxiety. You are terrified of a heavy squat because you have never put more than 95lb on your back. You’re weak. You become less weak with reps. In general, you need to find your starting point and your first steps. What can you do socially and what can you not? What’s a small step that moves you toward a thing that you cannot do but wish you could? You won’t start by squatting 400lb, but you can start with 95 and move to 105 in a couple of days. You might never reach 400 (or you might), but you can certainly do far more than you do today. *Pick something and work on it.* ## Scenario: I don’t know how to approach women/men/anyone. This is an extremely well-worn topic, which doesn’t make it easy. There are endless resources online about this. They will all walk you through the basics of desensitizing yourself to the fear of approaching people. (Search “how to approach girls” for a million results.) Something like this: 1. Go out daily and learn to hold eye contact with strangers. Look at the people you pass and learn to hold their gaze. Don’t awkwardly smile when your eyes connect. You could hold a neutral face, smile naturally in response to them smiling, or probably easiest, be in a good mood (listen to music you find energizing or watch a comedy before you go) and already be smiling. Have a goal of holding eye contact with 10 people every day. 2. Reflect on what happened when you held eye contact. Did they look away? Did they smile? Did they say something? Did they cringe, run away, or otherwise indicate discomfort? 3. Once you’re comfortable holding eye contact, start saying “hi”, “good morning”, etc. Again, 10 people a day and reflect on how it went. Congrats. You’re hopefully now less terrified of initial contact. 4. Now graduate to saying something more meaningful that sparks a response. This is basically cold opening. What you say here depends on the context and the variations are endless. If you just want to continue getting more comfortable, ask dumb stuff. Outside, “Do you know where the bus stop for the 23 is?” In a café, “Do you know if the scones here are any good?” In a grocery store, “How do these melons look to you? I can never tell when they are ripe.” If you want, lead with “Excuse me”, but that’s really for your comfort and not theirs. Yes, occasionally someone will be weirded out and walk away immediately. So what? This will actually work and I recommend you do this. It will help you to learn to actually look people in the eye and speak to them like you aren’t a terrified autist. **Congratulations. You’re successfully approaching people.** Now you need to decide what you want and proceed accordingly. If you want to be a pick up artist and go from “how about those melons” to “how about *those* melons”, go learn day game. Go to TRP and read the sidebar, read some books. Practice. Practice. Practice. If you just want to be comfortable talking to coworkers, friends of friends, people at the gym, then you actually have it easier. When you aren’t actively trying to bang someone, you are probably going to be less awkward and have lower expectations. Their guard will be down (because it doesn’t have much reason to be up). And these people in general also want to be social. In these situations, you can go with the obvious, “what do you work on” or “what do you do for work” sort of question, but you’ll get better results asking a more contextual question. “Can you believe Joe quit last week? I wonder what that was about.” “How do you know the host?” “I’ve never been to this place before. Have you?” “When did you start training here?” Or lead with an observation. “I love that jacket.” “That training was great!” Be careful going negative with your opener (“That training sucked!”). That can be offputting. On the other hand, sometimes people bond through shared commiseration, so do what you want and see what happens. This isn’t about finding the secret trick to approach. It’s about your own anxiety and learning to overcome it. If you make the effort to engage, most people are happy to talk. When I was younger and going to lots of parties, my opener was literally, *“Hi, I’m mrpwtf. I’m here to meet fun people and make new friends. What’s your name?”* That opener worked great, not because it’s some amazing line, but because I said it with some semblance of confidence and stuck out my hand. That’s really all you have to do. That and practice. My final tip here is to just cultivate a habit of just talking to people. The most social people I know just talk to random people all the time. A friend of mine will just start random conversations with people on the street because he enjoys it. Walking past a dock, he’ll yell “How’s the fishing?” to the guy with a line in the water and they’ll have a conversation about fish until he moves on. Do more of that. Just start talking to people and watch in amazement as they talk back. ## Scenario: I don’t know how to hold a conversation. The standard advice is to get people to talk about themselves. With some people this works great. Some people will take any opening to talk about themselves and chatter for two hours until you find an excuse to leave. But others will not hold this sort of one-sided conversation. What I would say instead is to find common ground and talk about that. Maybe you both follow your local football team. Cool. You can talk about how your quarterback screwed up the last game. Maybe you’re both in the same industry. Talk about interesting developments, or directions you think the industry might go. Maybe you both have kids. Maybe you have some shared background. You have something in common with pretty much anyone. By finding common ground, you can get them talking about something you care about, and you can talk about it yourself, so it’s a two-way conversation. Picking a topic that only you are interested in will make you look autistic. Picking a topic you don’t care about at all will bore you to death. Picking a topic you both care about will allow you both to invest in the conversation and enjoy it. Ask some questions to find the common ground. Don’t turn it into 20 questions, though. If you ask more than a couple of questions in a row, it’s probably time to say something yourself instead of posing a new question. Don’t stress about conversations having lulls, either. You can make another statement to spark conversation, ask another question, share a story, etc. You can also sit in a lull and not die. Lulls are natural. They give the other person (or you) a chance to bring up a new topic. And sometimes conversations just end. That’s okay, too. Now you have the opportunity to chat with someone else. ## Scenario: I don’t know how to be social at work. Aside from just talking to people more in general, there are many ways to be more social at work. 1. Arrange team lunches. Don’t just send an invite. Go around early in the morning and tell everyone you’re doing a team lunch. (Do this days before if you have team that rarely does stuff like this together.) When it’s time for lunch, go round people up. Apply a bit of peer pressure. And pick somewhere that people might want to go. No one’s joining you at the Cheesecake Factory. 2. Plan a morale event for your team. Happy hour, bowling, game night, literally any sport. If you do this right, you can probably get your boss to pay and you might even be able to do it on company time. 3. Speak up in meetings. This is probably good for your career anyway, but people who speak up in meetings are unsurprisingly more likely to have additional conversations outside the meetings. You’ll find people come to you for your opinions more, to get you to explain what you meant in the meeting, etc. 4. Seek out others for their opinions. If you take the time to go find others and ask their thoughts more often, you’ll be better informed and also build stronger connections. 5. Open your door and take off your headphones. Don’t block everyone out if your goal is to be more social. I’m going to stop here because it’s starting to look like an AI-generated list. The point is that you need to make the effort here. Find reasons to interact with others. Ideally do this in a way that encourages not just one-on-one but team socialization. ## Scenario: I get awkward around mixed groups of friends. This is a great problem to have. It means you’re mixing groups of friends. Do that more. When you bring two groups of friends together, it puts you in a dominant social position. You are now the social facilitator. Introduce people. Tell them things about each other to get them talking. “Bob, this is Steve. Steve also has season tickets.” “I think you two went to the same college.” “I’ve fucked both your wives.” Embrace the role of social facilitator. You can do this even if you didn’t arrange the social mixing. If you land at a get-together with two groups of friends and you know they haven’t all met, introduce them. When you make it easy for others to be social (by connecting them, seeding conversations), they will love you for it, because they feel as socially awkward as you. ## Scenario: I’m afraid of public speaking. Join Toastmasters. Take an improv training. Do more presentations at work. Present at conferences if you’re in academia. Volunteer to do more at church (lead a sermon, teach a bible study, etc.) Take a public speaking class at your local community college. This one is just 100% do it more. Say some stuff to a group of people and look them in the eye when you say it. If you’re really bad at public speaking, still do it, and ask someone you trust for feedback. (As in, you trust them to give you useful feedback. Not just you just trust them in general.) But just do it more. ## Scenario: I don’t know where to meet people. Yes, you do. People are all around. You can meet people anywhere. By starting conversations more, you will meet more people. End good conversations by saying, “This was awesome. We should hang out sometime.” If you reach the end of a conversation and want to hang out with the person, there’s a 90% chance they do, too. If you want to make it easier, start a hobby that requires human interaction. Join a martial arts gym or crossfit. Places where camaraderie are default make it much easier to meet people. If you join a martial arts gym, people *will* talk to you there. Many sports will accomplish the same, especially team sports. You can also look into volunteering. There is an endless sea of opportunities to help out others in some way and you will meet people there. Volunteer at a charity you care about. Help your local PTA. But actually get involved. Take an active role and naturally you will interact with others. You could also use Meetup or similar apps if you just want the braindead “meet people who care about X” shortcut. But you will still have to get out there and do it. ## Scenario: I want stronger friendships. If you want stronger friendships, you need to get past casual interactions. Three big parts of how friendships form are familiarity, shared interests, and shared experiences. Build all three of those to forge deeper relationships. If you see a casual friend for drinks once every 2 months, they are likely to remain a casual friend. If you see that casual friend more often at a charity you both volunteer at, and you plan an event together, you’re probably moving quickly into a stronger relationship. Focus on making interactions more meaningful. Have a guys trip and watch how the group bonds closer (or falls apart if the trip is a trainwreck). Start a hobby with a friend and you’ll likely form a much closer friendship. Go skiing or hiking, participate in sports, schedule a group friends event. Anything that makes your interactions more meaningful. Novel experiences also help. You don’t need to take a cooking class together, but it would help more than another happy hour. Get them to help you with a home project or help them with one. Building a deck will absolutely bond two guys. The more meaningful the interaction, the stronger the bond. ## Scenario: I’m amazing socially and this shit is dumb. For you, I recommend scrolling down and telling everyone what you did to get so awesome. This is an honest invitation, not sarcasm. There are guys here who are killing it socially. If that’s you, share your tips with others. Explain why everything I said is dumb and they should do something else. Tell them what works for you and maybe what you still struggle with. # Time to do the work You made it to the bottom of this wall of text. Now share your plans below in the comments and report in your next OYS. I’ve listed several scenarios here and given my high-level advice, for what it’s worth. If you don’t like my advice or you have a different scenario I didn’t cover, ask below. Remember that you’re not special, and that is a good thing here. Most people out there want more social interaction, more and deeper friendships, exactly like you. They are aching for someone to come talk to them, invite them to stuff. **Be that someone.** If you’re that someone often enough, you’ll quickly find yourself so busy with social engagements that you have to start turning down invitations. Good luck, and Happy Festivus.",,37,mrpwtf,2023-12-20 08:55:36 marriedredpill,18lx3yb,"Own Your Shit Weekly - December 19, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,7,AutoModerator,2023-12-19 08:30:08 marriedredpill,18lb6ym,[FR] I met the hamster,"I arranged a night out with my oldest friends this weekend, we’ve not seen each other for a while so the start time ended up being 2pm, so quite early, I had a few casual questions tossed my way, softballs that I was easily able to bat back. I'm sure this pales in comparison to some stories on here, but it's one of the first times I've been able to realise when the hamster starts spinning that wheel, and purposely decide to fuck with it a little to see what happens, a quite clear and obvious response to making a change as small as wearing a fucking shirt to meet your mates. The hamster starts to wonder why, who's he meeting? who's he off out with again? \[H\] “What time will you be back?” \[Me\] “Absolutely no idea, maybe 3am with a dirty kebab, do you want one bringing back?” \[H\] “Remember my mum’s coming tomorrow, don’t drink too much.” \[Me\] “Will she want a kebab too? - Cheesy grin” As I started getting ready I pulled out a (very, very nice) button down shirt and some chinos, she did a literal double take, thought about it for a second, then \[H\] “you’re dressing a bit smart aren’t you?, though it was just drinks with the guys?” \[Me\] “Don’t hate me ‘cos I’m beautiful” \[H\] “None of the others will be dressed up, they’ll be in t-shirts and jeans” \[Me\] “You’re probably right, I’ll end up showing them all up” \[H\] “Who did you say was going?” \[Me\] “Guy 1, Guy 2, Guy 3 and Guy 4” (she knows these all very well) I carried on getting ready, ironed my shit, shortly after: \[H\] “Are you going to put on a t-shirt now?” \[Me\] “Nah, I’m happy with this” I looked good, I know it, she knows it, the hamster knows it. The gorgeous blond mother/daughter I spent a while chatting to, (while my mates propped up a phone at the fucking bar and watched a football match) knew it too. Fully shit tested the next day for not responding to her the entire time I was out, ok so maybe I should have answered the repeat phone calls at 11pm after being out of touch for 11 hours, but hey, my phone was in my jacket on silent as I was making sure to be present with my friends.",,35,takeoutcoffee,2023-12-18 15:20:31 marriedredpill,18gijpi,"60 DOD: Week 7 Career - Understand the game, choose your purpose, gratitude for enough","# The Illusion You spend most of your waking time working. If you want to live a life of purpose and self-control, then there is no choice but to take charge of this time and find a way to make it fruitful. The very first step is control over your mindset, or frame. There are people that are slaves to their jobs, reinforcing behaviors that keep them tethered to others for money and validation. Helpless victims, coming from unlucky circumstances, flailing around paycheck to paycheck, blaming the world for their uselessness. There are no opportunities, they say, or I don’t have this degree, or just one more hit, or my boss is mean to me, or maybe I’ll do something about it next year. Excuses are infinite. There are career plough-horses, subsidizing a stay-at-home mom lifestyle for their princess wife, forgetting themselves and sacrificing their dignity as part of the Nice Guy covert contract. There are people who make millions a year, and spend it all on dumb shit so that others think they are fancy, shackling themselves to golden parachutes and imagined retirements far in the future, while hollowing out into boring shells. You can choose to live in the trap of employment, believing in the sacredness of the structure created for you by others. Have you seen how your kids will do things in school for stickers and good grades, to gain approval from teachers and authority figures? Yep, that’s you, working for money and a promotion, the adult version of plastic trophies for being a good boy. Or, you can realize the bullshit for what it is. And once you know the map of this arena, you can choose your next action, for yourself. The point isn’t to play the game that has been provided to you, but to realize that there are many games, and then participate in the one you are most likely to win. Winning is gratitude, the feeling that what you are doing brings pleasure, and that you are lucky to have it, and that you are happy to be in your situation. Financial abundance is a required, but not sufficient, part of winning. # The Games You can get a lot of advice about the “right” way to build a career. There is no right way to success, each is a learning curve mapped onto the person that is doing the learning. An experienced man can tell you how to fuck women in general, but not the right way to fuck your wife. That’s your pleasure. An experienced man can tell you how one looks for purpose and learns to add value to the world. But not the right way to live your life or choose your job. That’s your pleasure. Choosing your job based on peer pressure is like choosing how you have sex based on consuming porn. I can tell you some of my motivations. I got into the schools, passed the tests, and won the recruiting games. Collecting gold stars from institutions, called prestige, was very important to me. I arrived in finance based in part due to peer pressure, put on the suit and was a well-behaved analyst, only to watch every investment bank shatter into a million pieces in 2008. Every stressed managing director making up stories about money and ego while Bear and Lehman fell apart. Corporate work is good, safe, and prestigious, until it isn’t. I haven’t gone back there since. Here is a useful distinction. * You can be the creative energy behind some endeavor, generating value, ideas, and revenue. From here, there is opportunity in every direction and in every market. * Or you can be the assembly line executing on someone else’s vision. Great salespeople, lawyers, doctors, developers are people at the top of their craft, but are still constrained by their bosses and the hours available to them every day. * And then there is the long ramp to become a professional, a grind in which most people are running on the treadmill of salary and debt. People seem to be confused about capitalism. Capitalism is one of the greatest mechanisms for the discovery and allocation of economic value, even when it makes mistakes. The atomic unit is the company. Each company has something they do which is valuable to others, who pay for it. When enough people pay for things, you get revenue larger than your cost of production, and the company doesn’t die. Most employees are the cost of production. Some employees are revenue-generators but are still fungible with other mercenaries. Even fewer are the leaders that know where value hides in the market, where to go, how to extract it. You are never “safe” in a company, not when they say you are family, not when you work overtime and bring in extra, not when you are friends with the boss. It is a market transaction and should be treated as such. If there isn’t enough revenue, because of a recession, your being fired is just a business decision. I’ve had to gut out departments when times are bad, and it is just a game of spreadsheets. Someone maybe played internal politics better than you, there is no fairness involved. The most you can do is generate resources and control them in such a way as to be indispensable. Use the company as it would use you, and it will be a bountiful partnership. It is alright to take on any of these roles, and the abilities of different people are different. For me, I have always wanted to be in control to the maximum extent. Opportunity should flow from me to others, and this is done by focusing on creating things, rather than consuming things. Consumption is living off the work created by others, chasing pleasure and comfort. Creating is the journey in the wild, exploring the fog, building the skyscraper. There is a reason nobody is remembered for their record consumption, while we carve monuments to the explorer. # Upskilling Another area of focus is to develop your skill. It is hard to develop a skill for which you have no interest or passion. But for the things you like, you will put in the necessary 10,000 hours. It is paramount to select the thing that brings you pleasure. Having a hard skill, or multiple perfected skills, is required to truly develop a career. A career is different from “work”, which you can phone in by clocking in and out during the 9 to 5. A career is the accumulated work product you have done over time so that there is a reputation, a brand, and a network. You stand for something. One hack to do this well is to specialize in 2 or 3 areas, and then to be the best in their overlap. If you are pretty good at lounge music, restaurant food, and franchising, then you can be billionaire Jimmy Buffet. Another hack is to get really good at sales and marketing, learning how to get attention through social media, newsletters, or podcasts. Once you have an audience, it gives you leverage everywhere else in life. Another approach is to be deeply technical in an area that hasn’t hit the mainstream, but could in the next decade, like the combination of artificial intelligence and bioengineering or 3D printing. Take the discipline developed in your fitness journey, the incremental progress of lifting, or the mental fortitude of an ultra-endurance event, and paint for yourself the picture of your career marathon. Who will you be in 10 years? What are the steps necessary to get there? What have similarly situated people done before? Why are you pursuing this goal in the first place? Having the right mission in place makes everything else easier. While difficult, it will feel like being on the right path. That will let you dig yourself out of any financial or personal hole you find yourself in. Find a reason. You find the reason by doing. For me, my patience runs out every 5 years or so, and I end up resetting my goals. Once I have climbed one particular metaphorical mountain, let me climb another. I take the time to assess, aim, and fire in the direction of who I want to be. Then I push, walk, run, fight, and kill to get there. # Enough The money is important, as are the titles and the prestige. But at some point, you will have enough. With strength and fitness, there is a standard for your own self-respect, there is the meat fridge, and then there is enough. With sex and women, there is what you need, what you want, and at some point there is enough. The same with money and power. To be infinitely hungry is a disorder. When you have enough, what will you do? Buzz Aldrin became an alcoholic after the moon landing because nothing else in his life could top this early achievement. Once you reach your own proverbial moon, will you fall apart, unable to have new goals or new purpose? What you actually achieve doesn’t matter for your happiness over a longer time period. Rather, it is the incremental feeling of progress that makes a person fulfilled. Realize that you may have enough right now. If so, where do you go then? If you could create anything today, what would it be? ",,38,Persimmon_Dazzling,2023-12-12 10:02:37 marriedredpill,18ghbem,"Own Your Shit Weekly - December 12, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,12,AutoModerator,2023-12-12 08:30:09 marriedredpill,18cfa8p,60 Days of Dread: Finances,"“You make this much money, and I make this much money. How the fuck are we broke?!” This was the result of me telling my wife to handle all the finances after we got married. It wasn’t even delegation. It was pure laziness. 3 years post-wedding, I realized I was always broke and had to ask my wife for money because I gave up control of finances to her. We’ll circle back to this later. For now, I want to turn your focus toward some areas that might need your attention in order to strengthen your finances. **The Pot** Everyone’s pot varies in each marriage. Some of you are the sole provider. Then there’s the majority of couples, where both the man and woman works and contributes. There are several common arrangements in this financial setting. Some have a roommate arrangement where everything is split in half. There are some with a modified arrangement where the expenses are broken down between a particular percentage, depending on who makes more. Some just have assigned bills they pay. I personally prefer putting everything in one pot and having one manager of the finances; The man. Delegation is ok, as long as you have a healthy frame and it’s a clear delegation and not just an excuse to be lazy on your end. Take a good look at your pot and make some considerations. Your pot might be convenient but not the most optimal. **Full Financial Picture** Alright! What bout your full financial picture? Unless it’s literally raining money over your household, it would be impossible to accumulate wealth as a family unit without knowing the full financial picture of your operation. You have to **know** what’s coming in, what’s staying, what’s going out, and where it’s going. You can’t ball-park this shit. You’ll miscalculate and induce errors. The first step in not being a broke-ass-bitch is inventory. I’ve used multiple methods of financial inventory in my journey. I’ve used several free and paid applications. Some were easier to use than others. I’ll leave that up to you. I personally opted for the old-fashioned pen on paper. Regardless of what you choose to do, the only fact is you need a reliable method to see the accurate overview of your financial picture. **Making Cuts** Having the full financial picture should have given you an understanding of how stupid you are with your money. Dumb shit adds up. It’s easy to “sneak-spend” $1,000 a month on restaurants and fast food. Those harmless vending machine trips and your designer coffee can be quite a bill. Those little subscriptions that you don’t even use are there, lurking in the shadows. Lastly, when was the last time you compared costs between service providers? You might be paying $118 a month for something you can get for $47 a month. Make the cuts. Research and call for discounted rates. When I did this about four or five years ago, I easily discovered I was throwing away approximately $2,000 a month on dumb shit. I quickly turned those into investments. **Paying Yourself** You’ve found a financial surplus. What should you do with it? ~~Buy guns, hookers, cocaine, and a midget sidekick.~~ You invest it. There are quite a few resources on personal investment methods out there. Read up on them and start investing ASAP. Make the extra money, make extra money. (*One caveat. Pay that debt. Many would argue that investments are prioritized before debt but I just don’t like owing anyone anything.*) **The Budget** Your budget is simply your financial diet. It’s as simple as that. The more deliberate and proactive you are with your diet, the more in control you are with your strength, physique, and attractiveness. Apply the same discipline to your spending budget. At this point in your financial journey, you should have identified the non-negotiables, necessities, and leisure spending. It’s no different than proteins, carbs, and having cheat days. Draft that budget and be serious about it. **Your wife, and her buy-in.** The natural progression in MRP tells us that once you give up frame to your wife, it’s hard to get it back. She’ll fight tooth and nail for it. Even if you get it back, she’ll try to covertly take it back at times. This transfers well when it comes to finances. Regaining control of finances was an important and pivotal point in my MRP journey; and it was tough. The win didn’t come easy but I eventually took over the entire financial operation. Paying bills, Vacations, Dates, etc. This is where it might get sticky for the guys who have to go through the process of regaining control of the finances. No matter how great your budget is, it will fail without the participation of everyone under that budget. You’re gonna have to rock the boat a little bit because your wife doesn’t know that you’re going to be better than her when it comes to managing finances. She doesn’t know that it will ease her stress and anxiety when you remove that from her plate. Having an attractive financial vision is the way to go. **Your role as the provider.** You don’t get to keep the money all to yourself as the financial supervisor. By all means, feel free to say “no” when your wife and children express unnecessary or outrageous wants and needs that affect the household finances; however, you still have the duty to provide. Be generous within reason but spend within your means. Just understand your wife needs to get that hair done and be wined and dined. Your kids need clothes and memories that will cost money. Don’t take that away from them. If you feel like you have to it’s because you need to… **Reconsider your income.** There are plenty of 6-figure earners here who express some sort of financial hardship. Those guys really just need some realigning. They’re the problem, not the money. This post should fix most of their issues. However, some guys simply just don’t make enough money because of a low paying job. You have to be honest and reconsider your income and career field because you are failing to meet your financial potential. Make a move. Thank you! I want to know what spending cuts you’re making after you saw the overview of your entire financial picture. Let us know if there are any changes you intend to make to improve your financial position.",,44,2wo2wo3hree,2023-12-06 21:51:09 marriedredpill,18b7j5n,"Own Your Shit Weekly - December 05, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,10,AutoModerator,2023-12-05 08:30:09 marriedredpill,186tbix,Divorced dad LTR types,"As I'm starting to date as a separated dad and looking at the pool of available women, I think about all the many different dynamics that come with single moms that play a factor in any relationship when you consider: * Age of the mom * How many children * Ages of her child(ren) * Boy(s) and/or girl(s) * Share of parenting time My ex has sunk to great depths to try to secure primary custody, while having me pay for essentially holding my daughter hostage - I am not going to squander this battle. I have been fighting like hell to gain 50% parenting time of my daughter and I am set to get it. My goal is to balance my independence, while providing a nurturing environment for my daughter that does include exposure to a stable female relationship and the semblance of a sibling. Lets get this out of the way, I do not see in my situation, a Rich Cooper scenario whereby I bag a single high SMV and healthy woman who will not want to cohabitate, not get married, and has written off having children of her own. This is the definition of a unicorn. (Keep in mind that Rich's ex has primary custody of his girl and they are amicable - this is not my situation.) The only acceptable arrangement with a single mom is one where the sexes and relative ages of your children are the same, *now* throw in all the other red flags to avoid. I'd like to hear from other divorced dads who do have a successful LTR about their experiences calibrating to these different single mom sub-types.",,27,cryptus-maximus,2023-11-29 16:21:58 marriedredpill,185rb7u,"Own Your Shit Weekly - November 28, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,13,AutoModerator,2023-11-28 08:30:08 marriedredpill,182wbqc,Back after 8 years,"Backstory: My wife and I are early 40s, 3 school-age kids, suburban professionals. I hit a low point on all fronts in my life \~8 years ago. Typical story - lack of leadership, dead bedroom, aimless going through the motions in life. I found this and other resources (Rational Male blog was my favorite) and turned things around. Current Situation: Things are firing on all cylinders, but always room for improvement. The trend has been up over the last 8 years, but there has been regressions from time to time. Rome wasn’t built in a day. In the spirit of giving back, here’s some of my practical guidance/advice on what’s worked for me. Your mileage may vary. I see a lot of friends struggling in their marriages and this is the advice I give them. Disclaimer: I forgot a lot of the MRP jargon, so bear with me. Advice bullet-points: * Say “No” more often, don’t justify * Be ready with decisions - she’s asking because she does not want to have to make the decision. You know these questions are coming. “What should we eat tonight?” “New kabobs restaurant, call the sitter” - not “I don’t know, what do you feel like? Or how about take-out pizza?”. * Buy some new clothes once in a while. Order CalvinKlein underwear (or something noticeably nicer than target/hanes and asking your wife to pick it up for you) and have it delivered to your house. * Handle your shit and call her out when she’s not handling hers, it’s okay to get angry once in a while. Angry - not disappointed, pouty or hurt. * Flirt with your wife. Watching TV w/ family, text her or whisper in her ear “I’m getting hard just looking at you” * Social - you need to have adult relationships outside your wife, keep text chains going with friends * Don’t initiate in bed at 10pm right before she wants to go to sleep * Talk during sex - reconnect your mouth to your brain, say whatever you’re thinking (yes, a transcript of what you said would be cringeworthy, but all that matters is feelings in the moment. Get over the worry about saying stupid shit.) * On sex, she knows you want pornstar sex. You’re not getting it because she does not want to fuck you. You can’t go from 0 to 100 here, move in increments: 1. No Sex, 2. Intermittent Sex, 3. Regular Sex, 4. Things you thought were off the Table. You can’t skip a step. Telling her you want \[X\] or trying \[X\] after having not fucked for a month isn’t going to happen. If you’ve fucked every day for a week and you're already 10min into action, then it’s a different story. Be honest about what step you’re at. * Lifting: you just have to make it routine and un-skippable (that 99% of the battle); do compound lifts and all the rest (sets/reps/pyramids/isolation) is advance shit that 99% of men will never get to the point where it matters * Looking decent/good: 80% of it is getting lean (20% of it is muscle mass). If you’re skinny-fat, you’ve got to cut the fat first. Getting to 15-18% body fat will take hunger pains. Nothing worthwhile is easy. * Don’t consult w/ your wife on work troubles - she doesn’t want to hear why it’s not your fault that a client fired you or someone else got a promotion. “How’s everything? Great, awesome quarter” * PSA - if your business suffers, she will start looking to replace you ASAP * Fix stuff around the house or call contractors to get it done. Don’t wait till you're nagged into doing it. * Health - get it fixed. Snoring - investigate solutions. ED/PE - read up on it or see your doctor. Don’t let things linger * Quit Porn. Rubbing one out w/o aids will improve your sexual functioning * My Opinion - play video games w/ your kids only. Likewise, limit TV * Be an adult - follow-through on promises, make plans and act, own your mistakes, keep your frame, don't diminish your thoughts, pursuits or opinions for sake of harmony * Break your routines from time to time - “Why is he up at 6am on a Sunday?” * Always have a personal goal you’re working toward - fitness, learning a skill, learning a language, coding, building something * Lastly, this is a journey not a destination. This is simple but not easy. ",,251,Ok_Independence_7077,2023-11-24 16:46:24 marriedredpill,180ccz4,"Own Your Shit Weekly - November 21, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,11,AutoModerator,2023-11-21 08:30:08 marriedredpill,17wzkm6,60 Days of Dread: Style,"In looking at past years' 60 DoD about style, the focus was usually on clothing, shoes, and accessories, which I'll call ""fashion."" They covered the issue well, especially [this one](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/g7drug/60_dod_2020_week_4_style_got_chucks_on_with_saint/), so I'm going to be brief regarding fashion. *Fashion you can buy, but style you possess. The key to style is learning who you are, which takes years. There's no how-to road map to style. It's about self expression and, above all, attitude.* —Iris Apfel I don't know or care who Iris Apfel is, but this quote captures the point I want to get across -- **your style is more than your clothes**. It is your grooming, clothes, shoes, posture, eye contact. Its how you move and how you speak. Your style is the integrated package you are presenting to the world, and it signals to others who you are, what you are about, and whether you are worth a shit or not. And [signaling matters](https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/1wwpqc/why_women_love_assholes_an_alternate_view/). The rest of this post is broken down into (1) fashion, (2) grooming, and (3) how you carry yourself. I'll leave speaking style and any other aspects for another day. **1) Fashion** Like I said above, other posts cover this topic well, so I'll keep my comments relatively brief. ***Don't Be Unattractive*** This is most of the job here. * Step 1: Anything that has holes, pit stains, no longer fully covers your gut, has lost elasticity, or shape, etc. should be trashed. * Step 2: Anything that you haven't worn in the last year should likely be donated. * Step 3: Anything that doesn't fit \*well\* any more should be donated or put up in an appropriately labeled bin. Ex: I've had to retire all of the button-down shirts, polos, and suits I've owned for more than two years because they no longer fit in the chest. I donated half and kept the higher quality half if it was within one size, but put them in a bin and labeled them as such. ***Fit Is Paramount*** Not only should you not look like you are wearing your father's (or son's) size clothes, you should only buy clothes that truly fit. Be exacting about it. If it doesn't look like it was made just for you when you try it on, keep looking. Ex: I bought a dress shirt recently, but I'd look ridiculous if I just bought an off the rack shirt because I'm a 17.5"" neck, 41"" chest, 31"" waist, and I'm 5'8"". The shirt would be worthless to me if I hadn't gotten it tailored, but now it looks like a million bucks. Also, find a brand / fit that works for you and buy a couple different styles. For example, Peter Millar's Crown Crafted button down shirts are tailored enough for me and I've found a few styles of those that I like. For athletic shirts, i found a brand on Amazon that fits me well, and they are 3/$25, so I have 12 of them in a handful of colors. ***Quality Is Also Paramount*** You know that shirt or outfit that you look great in, so you wear it half of the time you have an occasion to? It is probably the right combination of fit, style, and quality. If it's not a ""fuck yea"" it's a ""fuck no."" ***Dress Up a Notch, Not Down*** Early in my career I worked at a bigger company that had Casual Friday. It devolved to the point there were some young guys who wore tank tops and flip flops. No one respected them. Don't be them. Instead, be the guy who takes it up a notch -- a sport coat when slacks and a shirt will do. ***Shoes Are A Giveaway*** If you look good but your shoes are scuffed and tattered, it ruins the look. Also, don't wear sneakers unless you are working out or its an intentional look. If I'm wearing slacks or jeans (my day-to-day and/or office wear), I either wear a pair of nice suede or leather ""driving shoes"" (moccasins?) or cowboy boots (ostrich). Yes, they are expensive, but (for example) I've had those boots for 12 years and wear them 1-3 times a week. That's absolutely a better value than cheaper shoes I wear once a quarter. ***Jewelry*** I don't wear any rings, necklaces, etc. That's just not my style. You do you. &#x200B; **2) Grooming** This is somewhat covered by the hygiene DoD, so I'll also be brief here. Obvious stuff: * Nails clean, trimmed, and smoothed (no sharp edges) * Clip, trim, or pluck the errant ear, nose, and eyebrow hairs ***Hair Style*** Do you even have one? When did you last update it? Does it fit your face? Does it fit who you are? I had the same style for 18 years. Updated it about a year ago. It's still professional, but it's got more of a confident edge now. ***Beard / Shaving*** Be intentional. * If you are clean-shaven, be clean shaven. * If you have stubble, have it because you wanted it and maintain it at whatever the right length is for you. * If you have a beard, keep it neat, clean and maintained. **3) How You Carry Yourself** This is an area that I think gets overlooked a lot, but what is the point of spiffing yourself up if you still hunch over, avoid eye contact, and generally project weakness instead of strength? ***Posture*** Two tips that stuck with me: * Act like you have a [massive set of antlers](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/6zu0ne/married_man_game/). * Imagine balancing a quarter on your chest (chest up and shoulders back). ***Eye Contact*** Maintain it. Don't stare at someone who isn't looking at you, but if eye contact is established, maintain it for 4-5 seconds. If you need to, look near the eyes, or at one eye. Don't dart away or move from eye to eye, and when you look away, look away slowly (but not down). ***Movement*** Do you move quickly and nervously or confidently and intentionally. Do you act or react? You know why Sean Connery got cast as the first James Bond despite his limited resume until that point? Because he moved like a [jungle cat](https://idlesociety.co.uk/2020/12/05/from-coffin-polisher-to-milkman-to-007-the-story-of-sean-connery/) \-- and because ""Connery put on an assertive, reckless and masculine act at lunch"". How is that for presence? An easy way to start being more intentional about how you move is just to walk more slowly (and ffs, don't be looking at your phone). ***Smile*** This should be obvious. &#x200B; **Action Steps:** * Fashion * At a minimum, take the three steps I mentioned above to be less unattractive. * Next, focus on fit and quality * Get Classy, San Diego * Grooming * Address the basics * Be intentional about your hair and facial hair. * How you Carry Yourself * Address posture (antlers) * Practice sustaining eye contact * Move like a fucking jungle cat, not the nervous prey. ",,41,FutileFighter,2023-11-16 22:35:07 marriedredpill,17uxvp6,"Own Your Shit Weekly - November 14, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,17,AutoModerator,2023-11-14 08:30:10 marriedredpill,17rf20p,60 DoD: Hygiene,"I'm not going to reinvent the wheel here. You smell. Your balls reek. Your clothes suck. If a girl can smell the shit caked in your ass crack it doesn't matter how smooth your game is or how shredded you are, your approach is going to suffer - and unless your wife is a total freak the perfume of smegma eminating from your crotch will stop you from getting a BJ 10/10 times. Without further ado 60 DoD: Hygiene. #**Hair** If you're bald, you've lucked out. Your male pattern baldness has given you the opportunity to do as little as possible and be in the right. Shave it. Embrace it and stop crying. For everyone like me with nice hair: If you hair smells, rinse it out. After you go to the gym and sweat hard? Rinse it. After BJJ, boxing, muay thai or a swim? Rinse it. I'm not saying you have to use shampoo every time - I have been doing that NoPoo thing for a long time but hell make sure you actually get your hair wet and scrub water through it. **PAUSE** I said scrub THROUGH it. Don't just rub the water or soap on top of your hair - wash both your hair AND your scalp. For the underachiever: I don't know why I need to say this but I know some of you have terrible dandruff and you're still using Old Spice body wash on your head. Actually care about your image, it's one thing to have a condition, it's another to have a condition and do fuck all to curb it. Pick a hair style and actually stick to it. If you haven't changed since the 9th grade when your mom told the Supercuts lady to ""give my son a really cool haircut."" You're off the boat. Pluck or shave or trim your unibrow. Keep your beard tidy. If you are trying to use your beard to cover up your weak beta chin at least do yourself a service and don't [trim too high.](https://images.app.goo.gl/2BZ5Xra2TAEqqnqX8)  I know fuck all about beards, ask u/hornsofapathy. I look like I recently hit puberty. But the barbers I know seem to roughly say 1 or 2 fingers above your Adam's apple. Do your own research. But most importantly don't look like an amish guy unless you want amish guy results. #**Teeth / Breath** A big package of whitening strips costs like 20 bucks. Use them on your drive to work for two weeks. I'm not going to elaborate on this a ton - but if your smile looks like [this guy](https://images.app.goo.gl/Tn9kDsn6jbyt6m6XA) you need to get your teeth situation fixed. They are called pearly whites, not corny yellows. • Brushing Regularly If you don't brush at LEAST twice a day I don't know what the fuck you're doing. Once in the morning. Once before bed. Once after you eat something that makes your breath smell bad. Twice if you ate curry. And once whenever you can taste an ambient flavor on your tongue. Also grab some mints and put them next to your bed, don't make a habit out of allowing people to smell your shitty breath - especially the one you're sleeping next to. #**BO / Cologne** At this point I feel like I'm writing a guide for middle schoolers but I've met many of you outside of Reddit and discord who desperately need these directions. If this weeks DoD doesn't apply to you, pat yourself on the back. Pick a few scents you like. u/RocknRollChuck has a great guide on colognes. And use them. Train people to like being around you. And for Christ's sake, wear your deodorant. A new french guy joined my gym and smells like day old Burger King. At the end of class you can smell every person he rolled with - and at this point I avoid him because I know I'll have to scrub off his gross ass sweat from my Gi. Protip: *don't make a habit of making subconscious pairings between ""you"" and ""disgust"" in other people's minds.* If you smell - shower. >inb4 but... but... but... my dry skin! The same stuff that applies to your teeth applies to your rotten stinky body. #**Hands and Nails** Trim your nails  and wash your hands unless you don't care about girls wanting you in proximity to their pussies. Especially before sex. End of section. If you need me to spell this out for you, you're a lost cause. #**[Cock](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/fYiacEeW9r), [Balls](https://www.reddit.com/r/TooAfraidToAsk/s/nUDDWDm0J2), and [Asshole](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/s/4xHp6WYMZX)** Scrub them, then Scrub again. If you want your dick to go into some girls mouth, smelling funk or *literal actual shit* is not going to get you very far. As far as pubes go, I'm not going to say to shave them so you look like a porn star, but unless your wife/ltr has a snaggle tooth, don't let your bush be long enough for her to accidentally floss while blowing you. 8 inch pube on the tongue is a good way to kill the vibe. #**Clothing** I've seen how many of you dress. Get rid of the sweatstained ketchup shirts. If you are raking in 100k+ and are thinking of posting in the r/toolivelybedrooms sub to get help because your nuts are skinny enough for striped pajamas you can ignore this. But the rest of you are keeping *shit* because it's familiar and comfortable. I dare you to go through your underwear and socks then throw out *every single pair of that has holes.* Then post pictures of yourself crying in OYS because you lost all of your underwear. #**Final Word** Okay, let me take a step back for a moment. Mask off. There is a lot of stuff that we are all trying to improve on - lifting, working harder, leveling up our social skills, and internal emotional frame. It's difficult. And for many of us, we are doing this in direct opposition to the vile woman we created who is trying to shove our faces into the mess we made previously. These improvements begin with small daily ritiuals - grooming, preparing mindset and addressing our shortcomings. Harder yet this all has to be done without  ego compelling us to cling to old beta, pathetic behaviors and that shit *sucks* because if we admit those habits are failing, then shit... ""maybe that means I am a failure."" It is an important balancing act to manage in the pursuit of building frame, one that is so easy to distort. In the beginning it feels good to simply reject anything that isn't directly about your own pursuits and happiness. There's a certain type of nihilism associated with this stage because you attempt to only ""care"" about your own desires. But ultimately it makes you unlikeable. ""Who cares what other people think about my clothes? Fuck 'em."" Bad long term strategy to get what you want and honestly I hear many people find this pathway ultimately lacking. You are allowed to value what other people think, as a matter of fact it is incredibly important to value it. You simply learn to use those opinions as information, rather than as iron-clad rules of right and wrong. Here is the real cheat code: The easiest way to start off on a good foot with someone is to be clean, fit, relatively manicured and well dressed, to smell good, and to smile with clean teeth. Everything else comes after. So go wash your balls.",,80,Praexology,2023-11-09 15:10:05 marriedredpill,17ppruw,"Own Your Shit Weekly - November 07, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,11,AutoModerator,2023-11-07 08:30:08 marriedredpill,17m24lt,60 Days of Dread Week 2: Eating for Health and Fitness,"*“Let those who think they are big, remind themselves that they are too small yet for body dysmorphia to have set in.”* - Seneca Fuck. Off. Fatties. We’ve spent enough time talking about how to not be fat. If you’re an adult and still don’t know how to achieve this miraculous feat then I don’t know what to tell you. If that makes you sad, go eat a fucking cake. You know how. This one is for the skeletors out there ([although… he was actually jacked af right?](https://youtu.be/nqhLn76kCv0?si=nBes1le08EVRzEvw)). Yes tonight we will unmask, scooby doo style, that most mysterious of mysteries, that elusive one weird trick to getting jacked and… [wait… it was just a plate of hamburgers?](https://www.instagram.com/reel/CytqLNpugFd/?igshid=MDI3ODU5M2RlNw==) That’s right: it’s bulking time. Or rather, the complete cycle of turning your shit around. Yes: today we will not only be addressing how to get somewhere as where you should be going in the first place. [There is simply no need to claim that you’re 5’11”, 230lbs and “carry the weight well” nor that you are 180lbs at 6’2” and “at your genetic limit”.](https://www.strongerbyscience.com/your-drug-free-muscle-and-strength-potential-part-1/) No, no, no, no. This is not very “red pill”. [We have ample empirical evidence on what can and can’t be achieved.](https://www.strongerbyscience.com/your-drug-free-muscle-and-strength-potential-part-2/) If you choose not to do it, that your adamantium [Frame](https://images.app.goo.gl/DcA6CCTBSCZ8krKX7) and airtight [Game](https://youtu.be/n_T6kJo5VjI?si=T95TfdRAJymXV2Cx) trump the ugly little sibling [Looks](https://youtu.be/wyx6JDQCslE?si=SzPfsCAYJko52Y2f), then there are lots of [safe spaces for you](https://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/s/e6WOe0qFPE). Now if you’re fat, [stop eating until you’re not](https://youtube.com/@SnakeDiet?si=JzkSRELuhsgKH9bT). Did you do it? Ok. Now you and current Mr Skeltals can read on. **Enter the bulk plan** Now while the internet’s latest [plausible quack](https://images.app.goo.gl/L8wn3VdoGnxZ7F9r5) points out ([admittedly correctly](https://mennohenselmans.com/gain-muscle-and-lose-fat-at-the-same-time/)) that you absolutely can gain muscle in a deficit, and even morer at maintenance, the problem with recomping is that if you recomp from a fat 160lbs to a lean 160lbs: you still weight 160lbs. [In a subreddit where people believe a 1,000lb total is impressive](https://www.muscleandfitness.com/athletes-celebrities/news/jeremy-smith-is-the-worlds-strongest-dwarf/), we need to [set some healthier expectations.](https://mennohenselmans.com/strength-standards-for-natural-lifters/) I encourage you to work out what your final form is: weight and lifts in detail using the linked resources above but here is the down and dirty method. **Your AFF (Approximate Final Form) = your height in cm - 90** Your TEL (Targetted Ego Lifts) I.e. the lifts which would correspond to that height, weight and desired bf % can be calculated [here](http://www.strongur.io/body_fat_calculator/). But again the down and dirty method is: OHP = 1 x AFF, bench = 1.5 AFF, squat = 2 x AFF, deadlift = 2.5 AFF. Everything else is just weak points and learning to lift more efficiently. Your RSM (Range of Sexual Magnetism) = is between 12% and 15% Your RGG (Rate of Gross Gainz) = 0.6lbs Your RNG (Rate of Net Gainz) = 0.4lbs Your RGS (Rate of Gross Shreddening) = 1.5 - 3.0lbs **The Bulkening** A 175cm lifter produces an AFF of 85kg at 12%. He’d know he was there when he weighed that and could also hit TEL’s of bench 125kg x 8 and squat 165kg x 8. If he weighs more than that, he drops weight until he doesn’t. Once he is in skeltal mode, we begin. He bulks at the RGG until he hits the upper RSM (15% bf). A bodyweight of 76kg, hit in approximately 20 weeks. Then cuts at the RGS until he hits the lower RSM boundary of 12%. Which should be approximately 74kg, hit in about 3 weeks. Rinse/repeat. No need for DEXA. Just model the cut and bulk scenarios out in Excel using the data from the calculators - just like the example I am too lazy to provide - each 1lb increase in body weight, will increase LBM by 0.66lbs and fat mass by 0.33lbs. Assume weight loss on a cut will be 100% fat loss You can also set TEL for the incremental goal bodyweights I.e the times you’re going to hit the RSM and have to reverse direction. *Notes* - my example was calculated at a very conservative RNG of 50:50, fat/muscle and 0 LBM gained cutting. In reality you should be doing better than that on both, at least in the first year or two. - you are not going to look any fatter doing this. Every percentage point below 10% bf looks different 10-12% looks the same 12-15% looks the same 15-18% looks the same I am physically incapable of looking at people over that range. Don’t forget you are not just slapping on fat: you are increasing your total mass I.e. each pound of fat has a lesser impact on your bf % as you grow. - There’s a few ways of skinning the training here. Three days a week on a cut lends itself nicely to carb/calorie cycling. [Cutting is also an excellent time to hit PR’s.](https://www.reddit.com/r/weightroom/s/KyUyREUYTW) - Bulking is a time for more volume imo. Both for the stimulus but also to hit weak points through more assistance work, different angles etc. I think it’s healthy to change programs every 12-18 weeks. - As you get bigger, (an honest) 18% will look fine and you’ll likely get comfortable going there which will increase your bulking runway by several weeks. - Eat 1g protein per lb bodyweight MINIMUM. The fitness community has drifted further and further to the minimum here over the years but from experience I prefer 1.5g - I’m relaxed on the rest, although higher carb is likely more optimal, [whatever you do choose I think you should be fairly consistent on.](https://www.reddit.com/r/leangains/s/baEWvEDVhR) Too much variety will fuck with your weight trend and your head - The food? [Jesus that is worth less words than losing weight](https://youtu.be/mcNe1I8X2fg?si=rmy-O_l8RjZBXMfs) but: chocolate milk, peanuts, pizza, pasta, gummy bears. [If you really don’t know how to consume 4,000kcals a day - easily](https://youtu.be/Hq7X10S3SHA?si=o98D7UGIvbzytNAV) - then, again, idk what to tell you? - use an adaptive TDEE sheet and MFP. When your average weight gain, when measured over two weeks, falls below the RGG, increase calories by 5%. - do not adjust your calories sooner and also go in hard. Your weight will likely shoot up in the first two weeks but that is going to be from: increased stomach content, rehydration if you were on a serious cut, water retention from higher salt intake and from DOMS via more volume - DOMS can cause serious water retention ime. If it’s still the same, you’re probably still in a slight deficit. Don’t waste a bunch of weeks trying to get into a surplus. Using this method you can get 90% of where you’ll ever get to in 12-18 months. From there I let my weight gradually drift up and about twice a year dial things in to lean out, in a similar but less structured way to above. I also branched out in training rather than eek out another S/B/D PR semi annually, which imo results in a better physique, strength and lower risk of injury. [Tell me. Have you tried trying?](https://www.reddit.com/r/gainit/s/ZqhEXjimVi)",,26,[deleted],2023-11-02 12:14:56 marriedredpill,17lcwvo,Wife wants to go out with no explanation,"Currently in process of reading through side bar, watched all BPP stuff and reading No More Mr. Nice Guy now. And I’m currently lifting as well. Been doing this for about 3 weeks to a month now. Last night I took the kids trick or treating after taking photos while wife stayed home to give you candy. We ate dinner and put the kids to sleep and then went to the bedroom. After a bit the wife and I got into a fight after she asked me to post photos of our family and I said no. She asked why and I said because I don’t want to. After that we had sex, then went to sleep. Today I went to work and now she asks me to be home on time today, says she wants to go out without kids. This is the first time she’s ever asked to do this in two years (we live far from family and friends and she doesn’t like to go out) I asked where she was going and she said “out” and I just said did my best to NGAF and say okay. Any advice on what I need to do to handle this, or is just not worrying about it the best option? Edit: You guys are mostly saying why I didn’t just post the pic. I thought it was a shit test, but I see now that I misread the situation and acted like an idiot. Thanks for the advice.",,44,woo199112,2023-11-01 14:06:01 marriedredpill,17lg4v2,There’s no alpha/beta dichotomy,"People are very careful to explain how it’s necessary to balance alpha and beta characteristics while maintaining a LTR. This totally makes sense, especially if you’re serious about passing shit tests and comfort tests. However, there’s another way to look at being an “alpha” male. From what I know from my studies in other walks of life, the concept of the alpha male comes from Franz Van der Waal when he studied chimpanzee troops. He distinguishes the alpha male chimp as the “empathizer in chief”. If you think of it this way, there’s nothing “beta” about providing comfort to your woman when she’s looking for comfort. Providing comfort comes from your ability to be empathic, which is an inherently strong trait. A true alpha male isn’t necessarily the biggest, baddest, scariest dude ever. He’s simply the one who is in tune with what the family needs, and strong enough to provide what is necessary in any given circumstance. This can definitely manifest as gentleness, playfulness, and concern. It’s basically a semantic distinction, but I think it’s hard for us to behave in certain ways out of fear of being a beta. I find it helpful to remember what I learned about the alpha male concept from the chimp guy.",,24,itsyourbirthdayz,2023-11-01 16:33:23 marriedredpill,17kg994,"Own Your Shit Weekly - October 31, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,10,AutoModerator,2023-10-31 08:30:09 marriedredpill,17hqdb3,60 Days of Dread Week 1: Lifting for life,"Why hello there I see you’ve been banished to your man cave, while your wife’s boyfriend wrecks the marital bed, and came here to reaffirm your life choices with some spooky stories of the dreaded “Divorce Rape”… under the blankets of course - lest the validation boogeyman get you. But it’s just me here this spooktober night. In my smoking singlet, peering over my half-moon spectacles at the lifting sections of OYS, clucking my tongue and wearily shaking my head. But of course, whether you’re some dumb motherfucker that thinks [5x5 is the greatest thing ever](https://plagueofstrength.com/rule-of-five-part-1/), and can’t even squat 315lbs, or the eleventy billionth genius to discover the “secrets” of [HIT](https://youtu.be/W-GPEer-fJ0), [ketogenic diets](https://sci-fit.net/ketogenic-diet-fat-muscle-performance/), or [kettlebells](https://startingstrength.com/training/strength_is_not_specific) that have eluded us, mere mortals, for so long, everyone on MRP is an expert on lifting. You wouldn’t be interested in my reflections and influences, would you? What’s that? You would? Well then simply allow yourself to ruminate as I illuminate ***the number one issue plaguing our MRP lifters right now: not actually lifting.*** Confused? You should be. &#x200B; But fear not gentle reader: I shall explain. Now whether you’re one of my obsessed fanboys or merely supped from the throbbing center of my wisdom, you’ve probably pieced together some of my stats but here they are for the avoidance of doubt: I’m 5’9”, 85kg, and between 12-15% bf. I have been higher and way lower, this is just where I think I look the best. I high pull 120kg, rep out 320kg shrugs, zercher squat 160kg and do endless sets overhead pressing 90kg for 2-5 reps and, because you likely don’t understand any of that, squat 195kg, bench 140kg, deadlift 240kg without too much difficulty after not having done those lifts for over 18 months. I won’t try more because powerlifting is gay and yes you can quote me on that. I can do dragon flags, the world's shakiest iron cross, front levers, and other shit I’m sure you learn on the first day of a gymnastics class. But what you might not know is that I started all this at 57kg/125lbs. I have a hole in my heart and two separate conditions that have hospitalized me several times. I have a small frame. I didn’t do sports in school. And I now have at least two blown-out disks. In the time I’ve been lifting, I’ve also been married, divorced, managed corporate raids, been fired, laid off, relocated many times, managed a young family, lost loved ones had my own health scares, and generally all the other distractions people seem to think are totally unique to their lives. [Fortunately, I did win the existential lottery by growing up in the eighties.](https://www.instagram.com/reel/CyoX_1Vu_R9/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==) Bruce Lee had healed his totally severed spinal cord through the power of being highly motivated. White Rocky informed us that life wasn’t about how hard you could hit, it was about how hard you could get hit while [black Rocky hauntingly admonished us that there would not in fact be a tomorrow](https://youtu.be/xOexsrrcYOI?si=b1WrkSt37TqEnMbm). **[This shit isn’t complicated: you just have to fucking do it.](https://npcnewsonline.com/powerbuilding-you-dont-grow-in-the-gym/63930/)** ***But muh back hurts!*** [Google is your friend](https://www.westside-barbell.com/blogs/the-blog/louie-simmons-reverse-hyper). Try “lifts I can do with lower back/upper back/bicep/knee/wrist/nose pain” you will find countless results. I know a guy that tore off his bicep and trained legs everyday until it healed. He’d also put the wrist cuffs from a cable machine on his elbows and do quasi rows/flyes with them. ***Muh family commitments!*** Times I have found good to have workouts: 5am. 10am. 2pm. 5pm. 11pm. 3am. [Yes I have lifted at 3am.](https://www.pedestrian.tv/health/we-pulled-an-all-nighter-at-a-24-hour-gym-to-see-who-lifts-at-3am/) Places: commercial gyms, home gyms, Crossfit gyms under seedy downtown bridges. ***Muh lift plateaus!*** [Eat more. All your lifts will immediately go up.](https://www.reddit.com/r/weightroom/s/KNpyyta7Vy) ***Muh deload!*** [Deload?](https://www.strongerbyscience.com/periodization-history-theory/) Bitch you need to [fucking RELOAD.](http://www.nasgaweb.com/forum/an-interesting-discussion-off-of-john-brozs-site_topic15108.html)Change up your lifts, add more volume and eat more. ***Muh squat form!*** [Do a different lift.](http://mythicalstrength.blogspot.com/2017/06/go-home-powerlifting-youre-drunk.html)If you don’t have the coordination to squat: fucking leg press for fuck’s sake. [If you think a leg press doesn’t work your legs](https://www.strongerbyscience.com/free-weights-vs-machines/) or worse are worried about missing out on the [“hormonal cascade” caused by squats…](https://shopbuilder.eu/squat-increases-testosterone-truth-or-bullshit-a21071) we have bigger problems here. ***But muh form?*** Look squatting less than 315lbs is not squatting. It's some odd form of public masturbation as well as basically skipping leg day. As is whatever you guys bench, press etc I understand the desire to be strong but if you are currently weak as a kitten, [you are far better served going ham on some machines and then playing with the barbell.](https://www.reddit.com/r/531Discussion/s/z1vCMew9mv) &#x200B; ***Hur dur I don't even need to lift, I have Frame!*** &#x200B; Probably. I got plenty of girls as a 140lb twink and my paychecks always seem to come from DYEL dudes but this isn't about how much you can lift. We're addressing your excuses here. &#x200B; ***So what do?*** &#x200B; These 60 days of dread: maybe you should fucking try trying? Who knows? It just might stick. &#x200B; **Conclusion** That’s it. That's all I got for you. [When life gives you lemons, use them to sterilise your glass pipe, smoke some meth and get your ass back in the gym.](https://abcnews.go.com/Health/meth-substance-found-craze-workout-supplement-report/story?id=20572095) [As lifetime natural lifter, the Ultimate Warrior](https://youtu.be/Q46l70mNmCw), would perhaps advise us: [Find. A. Way. To. Keep. Moving. Forward.](https://www.instagram.com/reel/CwaLGJiB_NA/) Drop your own personal excuses ITT and myself and fellow bona bro scientists u/alpha_wolflord9 u/Cam_winston21 and u/Becomingabetterman1 will give you tailored and conflicting advice for the next 60 days.",,58,[deleted],2023-10-27 15:40:22 marriedredpill,17gyko3,One year field report,"One year field report of the MRP. Been here for a year and time to move on but on the way out going to give a field report of how things went. The wheels flew off two years ago when I got the I love you but I can’t do this anymore and I need some time. She moved out and divorce papers came a week later. After a three month separation she moved back in and reconciled. Before she moved back in she admitted to going on a few dates during our separation but after figuring out shit didn’t add up I went through her phone and found the worst case scenario. Not only did I find out how many other guys she slept with and what they did in detail but also how she felt about me. The point being I started from worse then fucked. I wanted to keep the family together blamed myself and wanted to live the Disney fantasy so I stayed. For the year following I tried to be the best beta. I worked less, help around the house more, took her on more vacations, went to counseling and basically gave into everything she told me she wanted, but something was still off. Sex went from once a month to once a week but I didn’t feel any desire. It was like she was staying out of guilt and because I was doing everything, she told me she wanted. She was depressed and anxious and would tell me it was a mistake to come back. A year ago I found the MRP here is how it went. Started with reading the sidebar and shortly after started lifting. Here is what I learned. The things that were game changers were frame, outcome independence, being attractive and having the skill to create attraction. You can read all you want and the info contained in the side bar is gold but you still have to implement it. There is a lot of faking it till you make it but if you don’t fake it you won’t make it. It takes a lot of trial and error to master passing shit test and as you change and the dread kicks in they will come with greater frequency. There was a lot of anger and hamstring on my part. Lifting was probably more valuable mentally then it was physically. Nothing changes until you are in your frame and are outcome independent. It took hitting the nuke button and a main event for me to finally get there. Today I have a pleasant non anxious non depressed wife that likes having sex with me. This is what worked for me. Before the MRP the stay plan was to give her whatever she wanted to try to make her happy. After the MRP the stay plan was the go plan. I was faking this at first but after enough faking it became natural. The bad thing was I was basically so fucked when I started it was laughable, the good thing was I had nothing to lose. With this nothing to lose attitude I eventually had no fear and living in my frame became easier over time. Over my 20 year marriage she threatened divorce regularly and I always gave into demands. The last time she threatened to leave I hit the nuke button and meant it. She had to beg me to stay instead of the other way around. This changed I the game and now I am the prize. Now she couldn’t imagine living without me and I would be comfortable leaving. I found this place after a google search on if your marriage can survive after infidelity. The prevailing advice on the MRP was no. This is how I eventually handled the situation. My hamster ran for a long time and when I was faking it I could put on a appearance that it didn’t affect me but it did. Lifting helped a lot with this. If my hamster was running I just lifted until I was so tired my hamster gave up. I eventually became outcome independent and stopped giving a fuck. What if she left me, good I can go out and upgrade. What if she cheated again, good I now have free range to go spin plates. Can I trust her to not do that again no but who cares one door shuts another one opens. When I thought about the texts I read between her and other men the hamster would go into overdrive. I had a Madonna whore complex for quite a while. At some point I stopped putting her on a pedestal and made the decision to not worry about it and to make her my whore. I used to hamster about why did she do things with them that she never did with me. The honest answer is because I didn’t ask out of fear and shame and she simply wasn’t attracted to me. Without these barriers today I do whatever I want. I make her fulfill my fantasies and to my surprise she rarely says no. My advice for guys that are as fucked as I once was. Decide what you want. Read the sidebar to give you the skill to go get that. Do the work until you achieve outcome independence and live in your frame. Adopt the nothing to lose mentality. On paper I do have a lot to lose. I have a mid 7 figure net worth and 4 kids. I could lose half of both. Although I would rather not lose half of both I would do it in a heartbeat if it meant going back to the way things were before. None of that shit is worth anything if you aren’t living the way you want. The funny thing is I probably have less risk of that happening now vs before. ",,80,dmk078,2023-10-26 15:05:01 marriedredpill,17f7ykv,"Own Your Shit Weekly - October 24, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,8,AutoModerator,2023-10-24 08:30:10 marriedredpill,17bygnk,FR: Weddings Are Fun,"(HUGE EDIT: No! This is not my own wedding.) This wedding was highly anticipated, with about 125 guests in a nice suburban outdoor venue. My wife, who is part of the bridal party bought two green dresses and expressed her desire match colors with me by asking if I had anything green and “wedding casual” to wear, since it’s outdoors. I STFU about it for weeks. Wedding day eventually came around. Bridal party was scheduled to arrive at 12:30 for photos; however, guests were not scheduled to arrive until 4:30, for a 5:30 wedding. My wife wanted me to be there around 3 pm… in something green. Like any desirable husband, I arrived a little bit after 4:30, in something that is not green. I also dressed one level higher than what most men wore because I’m a cave man. I don’t know what “Wedding Casual” means. I entered the venue and navigated through a couple of, “Oh! You look nice…” from some female acquaintances, which were followed by, “your wife is over there.” The only response I gave was a smile and a “Thank you.” I eventually found my wife chatting with a girlfriend while holding a glass of Prosecco. Me: What’s up girl?! Wife: Where have you been? Blah Blah Blah… (Shit Test) Me: Damn girl! I love it when you talk to me like that. Bully me some more so I can cum. *As I take her drink from her hand, grab her ass, and pull her in for a kiss.* (Shit Test Dissolved) As the evening progressed, the “You look nice” compliments from women didn’t stop. I alternated between “Thank you” and “I figured I’d shower for a wedding.” There were also two single girls who kept doing a fly-by and making small talk with me about a joke that they heard me say to someone else. I was having quite the fun. Everything was happening in front of my wife. I eventually isolated myself to light a cigar I brought with me. I didn’t want the smoke to bother people. While doing so, an older woman gravitated and sparked up a conversation after smelling the cigar. Another woman followed to say how much she loves the smell of cigars. Soon after, I found myself in the middle of a huddle of guys and girls, while telling a wild fucking story. My little audience was hooked, but I saw my wife had drifted away. I cut the story short and approached my wife again with some flirty funny shit I say. Not long after, she grabbed me by my wrist and told me “I wanna suck your dick. Come!” **I laughed** as she went door to door, looking for a place to do it until she found a bathroom. I just stood and pulled me penis out through the zipper but she said, “Undo your belt. This is gonna be messy.” She didn’t lie. She quite literally blew my brains out. Therefore, I complimented her by telling her I appreciate her wearing bright red lipstick that didn’t transfer on my dick. “Good girl.” I know I said **I laughed**. I didn’t laugh because I was about to get a blowjob. I laughed because I knew it was going to happen at the first, “You look nice.” I also knew her shit test at the sight of me was for her security. I was laughing at the matrix. After the BJ, we went back outside to socialize. I found it quite amusing to see two drops of dried jizz on my wife’s cleavage. We didn’t stay long after. We left and fucked again after we got home. I hope you saw that this is not a wedding story or a blowjob story. This story is about frame. It’s about dread. It’s about passing shit tests. It’s about social status. It’s about preselection. It’s about game. It’s about being attractive. I’ll close with this… I had a somber moment after I saw how happy the groom was. It was somber because I knew that on the very next day, there will be no DJ, no cake, no party, balloons, friends, etc. He’s going to be alone, asking himself what the fuck happened and how his life turned to shit.",,66,2wo2wo3hree,2023-10-20 00:43:37 marriedredpill,17b8rob,FR: The Narcissist,"Last night I went to a social event, lecture and dinner. In front of me I notice a fat (excess 220 pounds) late 50s man, with what surprisingly looks like his wife or partner next to him. I can’t see their faces but I’m surprised how slender (nice ass) the wife looks from behind (I later confirm that it is his wife). When the talk is over, I get a good look. The dude is a 3. 4 if I am charitable. Massively overweight, bulging eyes, clearly a heavy drinker. He wears a jacket and a pair of jeans that help him look presentable though the awful body. He wears cologne. He looks like presentable shit. The wife is a pleasant 7, mid 30s. Dinner seat are assigned and I’m next to the guy, he is on my left. To my right is a cutie. Dinner start and the guys starts talking. He is loud, really, really loud, in a way I have never experienced before, and his speech has some weird inflections, slurs his words a little and is very charged by default. The speech is all about him. No questions, just narrative, I, I, I and more I. And I notice something bizarre: I find it very difficult to shift my attention from him. I start talking to the people on my right and notice we are all struggling to speak to one another because the dude is so loud we have trouble keeping focus on our own conversation. There is no space for it. There is only space for the guy, and he does not give a fuck, or maybe he really does. I decide I’m not going to indulge this asshole with no manners with my attention and so I purposely continue my conversation on the right and I help the people there not get stopped by his droning loud voice. This requires an effort. He start to take quick glances to the right: “Why are we not listening to him?” “Why are we engaged in other conversations”, I can tell he is not used to this reaction. After a few more minutes he stops, tucks his chin in, crosses his arms across his chest and falls silent. Good, I did not have to be a tool for this asshole the whole dinner through and I put him in the rightful place he belongs to in kinder-garden: neglect. But I notice one thing and it impresses me. When the dinner started the cutie next to me, 30 years his junior, could not help her self really, really lean into it. It was candy. She was hypnotised. As he spoke to her in a weird, extremely loud and inherently dismissive tone “What law firm from you said your husband worked for?” “Ah… that one… yeah” she was all forward, non stop IOIs. While I spoke to her that evening, there was exactly none of that. All pleasant, all courteous and exactly zero tingles. Now, my ambition in life is not to became Jabba the Hutt the Narcissist. It’s just not what I’m up to. And putting my ego aside I’m stunned to see that it works. It just works in a way that defies every convention. I promise you, you would not want to have dinner with this guy, he was obnoxious, he is ugly, and you would definitely not put 2 cents on **anyone** wanting to fuck him, anyone. Never mind a cute girl 30 years his junior. And you’d be wrong. If he kept doing what he was doing he could have fucked her that night. I have a lot to learn. \*For clarity this was my first life encounter with someone that clearly operated by default outside of social conventions with superficial dis-regard of anyone around him. This was not someone with a big ego, this was something else. It was like being at dinner with a lesser Donald Trump.",,30,TitanUranus_88,2023-10-19 02:49:06 marriedredpill,17au626,60 Days of Dread 2023,"Hold on to your fedoras, you simpy, squishy, swashbucklers. I have arranged for 8 weeks of specific behavioral spoon-feeding to start around the end of this month (Thursday October 26) and wrap up before we celebrate ~~capitalism~~ Christmas. You will have the opportunity to submit yourselves to the instructions of those accomplishing the things you dream about while you fall asleep each night. This has the potential to rapidly advance how attractive you are and mitigate how unattractive you are. I will be looking for you to address these posts each week in OYS. Those of you who fail to do anything productive with it will find a ban in your stocking on Dec 25th. &#x200B;",,53,ragnar_Daneskjold,2023-10-18 15:58:41 marriedredpill,17a5k6u,[FR] Coconut Oil Spa,"The Coconut Oil Spa. This FR is for noobs like me. This was my first experiment with DEVI, with great success. Might not work for pussies and absolute beta bitches. But nut up, noobs. Read the Coconut Oil Spa experience somewhere here or in the sidebar. Decided to give it a try as my first DEVI experiment. Basic tools: Coconut oil - in a cup. 3-4 tablespoons will do. Candles. Diffuser (with lights) purchased on Amazon. Phone with bluetooth speaker (speaker optional). Notepad/paper and pencil. 2 Bath towels. One to lay on bed, one for her to wear. I gathered together all necessary materials in secret. Wife was reading in Living Room - nighttime. Now my wife loves massages. Historically I hate to give them so I said shit like - just go pay for one. Not tonight. I place and light candles in bedroom. Set diffuser up - red light on. Spa music via youtube piped into speaker. Made up a fake services list for the ""MeLuvYouLongTime Spa"". Basis for many future jokes after the fact. Ask for name, age, checkboxes for the parts that need massages (did not list breasts or vagina - perhaps a pussy move in the end, but gotta walk before you run). Did list bottom. Asks how you want it - hard, medium, gentle. Bedroom door is closed. I'm not quite done. I stand in front. You can't come in. Puzzled, amused look. I say just a minute. Finish checklist and re-appear. Welcome her to Spa. Walk her to bed. Hand her checklist, tell her to fill it out, undress, and that I will be back in a few minutes. Come back a few minutes later. She is all prepped. Naked under towel. She lists her age as 24 1/2. My wife is 42 1/2. She is immersed in play. I give her a solid massage, not neglecting any part of her body. I make sure her feet and hands rub against my hard manhood while I massage them. I tell her to flip over. Again, do a solid actual massage job. I then put my hands all over thighs and breasts. We proceed to have very enjoyable sex. Context: My wife is coming off a hard miscarriage, with hospitalization. Dr. says no PIV for 6 weeks. This is at week 5 - I am bursting at the seams. I need her to be available. This opened the door. Next Couple Weeks: Multilple references to MeLuvYouLongTime in conversation. Experience repeated with less fanfare (no request sheet or candles). Same good result. TL; DR: Noobs, don't underestimate your wife's desire to play. I did.",,17,RobertTheBruce1329,2023-10-17 18:49:30 marriedredpill,179tksg,"Own Your Shit Weekly - October 17, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,7,AutoModerator,2023-10-17 08:30:09 marriedredpill,174g3fk,"Own Your Shit Weekly - October 10, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,14,AutoModerator,2023-10-10 08:30:09 marriedredpill,16yukid,[FR] MRP explains my entire marriage,"Putting things in an alpha/beta context explains my entire marriage. Writing it out in case it helps anyone else, as it feels so textbook that it’s almost a meme. I thought my wife had BPD at one point and was sure that she was the problem. In reality, she’s a typical woman. I, on the other hand, have changed a lot and seen exactly what happens at every step. My wife spent the first ~3 years of our relationship being intensely devoted and attracted to me. At the time, I thought she was clingy. In hindsight, I can see that it’s because I had high alpha and low beta without meaning to. I passively dreaded the crap out of this woman. Some examples: - I had never seriously committed to anyone before I met her, despite having women who were interested. She often gave me shit for being a “player” and often asked about my sexual past, while I gave very little information. - I was busy, leading me to take a long time to text back and have limited time to hang out. I often had other plans and things to do. - I had almost no jealousy or insecurity. I didn’t care at all what she was doing and assumed I was her priority. Zero mate guarding unless she needed protection from a creep. - I strongly held on to my alone time and hobbies. - I was calm, nonchalant, outgoing, and funny at the same time. I got along with people easily and was often told that I was charismatic. - I had a circle of attractive and successful friends, quite a few being women, who threw house parties. - I was modeling part-time, which again meant that I was around attractive women at my agency. - I was often late to dates and sometimes flaky with plans. Shitty, I know. - I frequently took solo trips and trips with friends, so she often missed me and wanted to know what I had been up to. I sometimes missed important dates and holidays with her. Shitty, I know. - I was a bit cold emotionally and didn’t like to get too vulnerable. - I was overly logical and not good at responding to her emotional distress. I would get frustrated by it or try to fix her problems. - She did the majority of the chores. - She made more money than me and paid for a lot of our activities together. - I used to post on social media more often, and had some thirsty commenters. - Her friends and family often said she did a “good job”, sometimes in front of me, which was code for “you pulled a higher SMV man, nice!” It put her on alert. - I had ambitious goals and chased them relentlessly, seeing results. - Her emotions were always engaged, as I had some drama going on that added to the need to chase me. So what happened? She thought about me all the time. She tried really hard to impress me and lock me down. She comfort tested me constantly, which got on my nerves. She offered anything I wanted sexually. She missed me as soon as I was gone. She would try to make me jealous and go into hamster overdrive when I was chill about it. All this was despite me genuinely loving her back and being communicative and affectionate. I was romantic and thoughtful when I wanted to be. It was never enough because she was head over heels and terrified of losing me. She said I love you first and I didn’t say it back for another few months. She pushed for us to live together and get married. I resisted for a while and finally went for it. We got married at the beginning of the pandemic. I went through some personal shit soon after, and then I let myself drown in my depression. Gained weight, played video games all day, stayed up all night, became whiny/argumentative, and withdrew from everyone, including her. I already didn’t have beta, and now I didn’t have alpha either. I was dead weight. She wasn’t happy, but spent a really long time trying to chase me into giving her attention and probably being who I used to be. Eventually she got tired of it and lost respect and attraction. I killed the magic. She started talking about divorce. I panicked. I was so used to her chasing me that I never considered her leaving a serious possibility. I made all these promises to change and she was excited about it. But there was a problem… I was trying to summon my old self out of nothing. I lost the pieces that made me that guy and was trying to fake it. I had become insecure and anxious, combative as I said before. She was my number one goal, which is not good. We fought a lot and our flame largely remained dead. Time passed while I built beta skills. I started owning my shit around the house, became a great cook, brought back my romance and attention, and handled more crap for us. She saw these changes and decided to give us time. These were things she wanted from me back when I was more alpha. As we know, though, these things aid relationship value, but not sexual value. She appreciated what I was doing, a lot since it was new, but I was missing the rest of the “spark” that made her fall so hard. We still fought and things were often hot and cold. I often got duty sex and denials. As time went on, I got nagged, nitpicked, and criticized despite doing a lot around the house. She took me for granted. More time passed. I found MRP. I become obsessed with reading the books as I realized where I went wrong. After fucking around for some months, I decided to start doing the hard work to unfuck my life while keeping the beta skills that I learned. At first, she actually appreciated having time away from me, which stung and made me angry/resentful. I knew it was my fault, though. She had become the prize when I once was, and I had drained her interest by my own failures. As my anger phase cleared, I slowly started to find my footing. I’m still working on my MAP as I am new. I’ve been getting my fitness under control, reinvesting in hobbies, practicing STFU, reading (outside of MRP books), rebuilding friendships, and more. I’ve been finding my way to the life I want, slowly building alpha back up. I can tell it’ll take time, maybe 5 months from here as I am one month in. The biggest thing I’ve learned is that the changes themselves are a smaller part than the mentality behind them. You make the changes to reach outcome independence. For example, as I’m still working on my frame, sometimes I catch myself doing something (like playing guitar) and hoping she’ll think I’m cool or notice me. Nothing happens when I do that. When I genuinely am in my element and living for myself, it’s like she can immediately tell. I am doing the exact same thing on paper but my energy is different. She then starts seeking out my attention and flaunting herself. It’s almost laughable seeing the matrix for what it is. As I work on things, her attraction is slowly returning. In short, my situation wasn’t as unique as I told myself it was. I needed to unfuck my life. She was always a symptom of what I was doing or not doing. I can either guide our ship to hell (and make her want to jump off) or to the best days she’s ever had. I looked back on texts from earlier in our relationship, and in the midst of my flakiness and immaturity, she was outright saying she’d never been so happy. Back then, we both lived in my frame. I did need to change some things, but I always needed to stay on my game and never needed to let her become the center of my life. Happy life makes for happy wife, not vice versa.",,98,mdjfodiepcklrn2,2023-10-03 15:14:42 marriedredpill,16ymaal,"Own Your Shit Weekly - October 03, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,10,AutoModerator,2023-10-03 08:30:09 marriedredpill,16shzdk,"Own Your Shit Weekly - September 26, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,16,AutoModerator,2023-09-26 08:30:09 marriedredpill,16qytci,Why do men supplicate and use desperation tactics 25% more than women?,"I'm reading a book called *The Evolution of Desire* and the author is discussing mate retention tactics. According to their studies, men tend to cry, beg, and do anything for the other person in order to keep them 25% more than women, despite the stereotype that women tend to be submissive. He then states that researchers don't yet know why this is the case. Of course, having swallowed the red pill, we know about dread as the true mate retention tactics that focus on being strong, decisive, and on your purpose. Anyone who has lingered here for any length of time knows that being anything your partner wants you to be is probably one of the most unattractive things you can do, not to mention incredibly unhealthy. If men are traditionally seen as strong, resilient, unemotional, direct, and stable...why do so many lose their backbone and become so low value? Why are there so many love songs when the male is singing about ""doing anything for you"" and ""can't lose you"" and ""you're my everything""? From my experience and observation, women don't want a weak supplicator, they want a leader with strength, resources, provision, and stability (and this doesn't have to mean that he makes more $$ than her, these things come in many forms). If the stereotypes about men center on strength, why do more men than women resort to weakness in relationships? Is it that many have lower SMV than their wives and they know it (at least subconsciously)? Is it that they tend towards laziness and complacency as the relationships mature? I'm not sure, but I thought I'd throw the question out there to get some feedback from the brilliant minds that occupy in this subreddit :) ",,58,Dances_With_Waves,2023-09-24 14:16:38 marriedredpill,16ox03l,[FR] getting better and seeing results (1 month report),"I’m seeing changes lately, in myself and in my wife. My changes in the last month: - I used to try to fix her problems when she vented. Now that I am less of an idiot, I listen, throw in a lot of “that’s rough”, “what a bitch, i’d be mad too”, and similar responses. She gets that for a little while (maybe 5-10 min) and then I change her mood by turning things into a joke. For example, she was complaining about this bitchy coworker she has recently, so I let her vent and then said “babe, I’m on to you… where are we hiding the body?” when she was like “what??” I doubled down and went “mhm, sure, we’re totally not suspicious in this house” etc until she joined in. She ended up in a great mood. - I don’t take her seriously when she’s being bratty. I treat her like she’s, well, being bratty. It doesn’t affect my happiness like it used to. I also generally own my shit, giving her less reasons to be upset. When she’s being nitpicky, I tease her about it and move on with my life because I know it’s nonsense. She has evidently noticed that I don’t take her moods as seriously anymore and appreciates it. My growing level of mental peace and confidence is obvious and feels great to me too. - My oneitis is dying. It’s not gone, but I think there are some things about being single that I’d really like. I feel less like “I have to keep her” and more like I am choosing the married guy road over the single guy road. I notice other attractive women, not in a bad way, but in a way where I see options out there. I went to a concert alone recently (never done that before) and had a great time, even made a few friends for the night in the crowd. I didn’t need her to have a good time. Basically, if the married guy road sucks even after I’ve made a lot of progress on my MAP, I think I’ll leave. - I am pretty focused on my self-improvement now, and getting better. I lost five pounds this month. I got a big work opportunity recently (that would require us to move states) and I was really proud. A few weeks ago, my wife was saying she didn’t want to move states and throwing a fit. She said she would stay here if I left and I said that’s fine. I realized that even if she was gone, I’d be really excited to pursue this opportunity on my own. Lately, she keeps bringing up that we’re going to move and keeps reading about this city where the job opportunity is. She started looking for jobs there, too. - I don’t bitch, whine, or seek validation anymore. I used to really suck at that. Now I know that it’s about respect and attraction 99% of the time, which there’s no point asking for. I just try to work toward my own vision, which is becoming clearer to me. My wife initiated shower sex last night. She initiated sex the night before that, too. I initiated earlier today and she turned me down (“my stomach doesn’t feel good”) after a while of making out, and I handled it well (no butthurt). She came back to me after a few minutes, kissed me, and said she wanted to fuck later. She followed through and took it hard. She has also been way more physically and emotionally affectionate, as well as all around happier. She even got up early to do a Starbucks run for me yesterday. She’s doing more around the house, being more thoughtful, and seeking out my attention more in general. She isn’t ovulating (I’m tracking it). More than anything, I’m way happier. I feel like a fog is clearing and I can see myself and the world beyond our marriage for the first time in a while. I realized how fucked I let my life get and how much of this has nothing to do with her. I also realized how many great things could happen in my life with or without her. She feels that light tug of the 1000 ft rope as it starts to move.",,100,mdjfodiepcklrn2,2023-09-22 01:07:31 marriedredpill,16mleeu,"Own Your Shit Weekly - September 19, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,11,AutoModerator,2023-09-19 08:30:09 marriedredpill,16glqd5,"Own Your Shit Weekly - September 12, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,12,AutoModerator,2023-09-12 08:30:10 marriedredpill,16a19nu,Avoid arguments. Focus on your MAP.,"If you’re in a dead or lacking bedroom, you don’t have the power to survive an argument. Your spouse is essentially telling you that they don’t find you attractive as you do them. They don’t think of you as often, they don’t desire you as much. They likely have less respect for you than you do them as well. In other words, your spouse holds the power in your relationship. They are more willing to walk away. This will impact everything in your relationship. They’ll be less willing to listen or compromise. They’ll be less appreciative. They’ll have a shorter fuse, higher standards, less interest in intimacy, and less to bring to the table. You’ll seem to constantly be messing up. You may face anger, the silent treatment, neglect, and other poor treatment. They have the power. They are the prize right now, not you. They are higher value. Your treatment reflects your standing in the house. This can fuel a lot of hurt, resentment, and anger on your end. It can lead you to lash out, hold grudges, or endlessly try to communicate your needs and wants. You can be as objectively right about your grievances as you want, but NONE OF THIS WILL HELP. If you communicate your needs from a losing position, here’s what you’ll face instead: 1. Empty promises to shut you up, but no real change 2. Your partner getting angry in turn at your audacity for saying this 3. Your partner accusing you of being too emotional, sensitive, needy, etc. 4. Your partner ignoring you or otherwise being a brick wall to your feelings 5. Your partner saying they’re already doing that, never did anything wrong, etc. What you WILL NOT GET is the caring and effort of an equally interested partner. YOU WON’T. You’ll only make yourself even less attractive in their eyes, especially because they will now know that you have needs/wants that they aren’t meeting, and yet you stay. It communicates low value and desperation. In addition, difficult conversations will make your relationship more of a burden and stressor, rather than a fun escape and partnership. You will associate negative emotions with your presence. Impacting attraction, yet again. You can’t talk your way into respect and attraction. As long as that’s lacking, your needs and wants will not be treated the way you wish they would be. Your mission should be to work on yourself and then evaluate where the relationship stands after some time. See how she is treating you when you are objectively leveled up and more confident, when you have options, and when your behavior communicates that you have standards without you having to say a word. When you have equal attraction and, thus, equal footing and power in this relationship. When you’re on this new equal footing, you may not even be dealing with the issues that hurt you so much now, or may have a different perspective on them. If you still have issues with her, you can then bring up some concerns and expect them to be taken seriously because you know your worth and so does she. However, you will do nothing but sink further by starting a serious conversation or argument from a losing position, no matter how you feel or why. Focus on you and STFU.",,205,mdjfodiepcklrn2,2023-09-04 19:22:16 marriedredpill,16aih23,"Own Your Shit Weekly - September 05, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,13,AutoModerator,2023-09-05 08:30:11 marriedredpill,164cmhk,"Own Your Shit Weekly - August 29, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,19,AutoModerator,2023-08-29 08:30:11 marriedredpill,15xzh7l,"Own Your Shit Weekly - August 22, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,19,AutoModerator,2023-08-22 08:30:09 marriedredpill,15wj99n,Outcome independence,"Outcome independence means knowing who you are. It's not important to me to do that because I know who I am. I'm writing mainly for anyone who wants outcome independence. I believe the world, your woman and your goals are very much like a gigantic war elephant, that runs around the earth at high speeds. Some people see the elephant and just give up. While it tramples over everything. Others take responsibility, gripping onto the elephant. It drags us around, sometimes we subdue it. We get stronger, but the elephant keeps us going. Eventually we all catch on to certain tactics. We get smart. Ultimately though, the elephant knows it has us captured. We're captured dealing with the world. Once you know who you are, the elephant doesn't matter anymore. Suddenly you are somebody the elephant can trust. It stops running and sits calmly by your feet. The minute you begin to forget, it begins again. Outcome independence and abundance doesn't come from having things or achievements. Those achievements or things must be something that connects you to the reminder of who you are. That sense of who you are takes many forms, but has one thing in common. A sense of unending. That unending has many grades, confidence, abundance, etc. However these are reductions of what it really is and who you really are. Until you know who you are in this way the elephant always has you. But if you can find a well of reminding, then the world is not something that is anxious of you. I want every man here to find that sense somewhere in himself or in the world. Something past an achievement and goal. It doesn't have to be correct, but it's probably unique to you. Something you touch that helps you remember that this is all not so serious. If you can remember. The only things is it can't be the elephant. ",,0,SecretVillage5726,2023-08-20 18:41:48 marriedredpill,15sdoip,FR: Getting Caught,"In 2019, I was deep in a long term affair with another (married) woman as a source of instant gratification and external validation I wasn’t getting at home. This affair was regular and consistent for 2.5 years but I’ve always made it clear to the other woman that I would not leave my family and neither should she. I found MRP before it all came crashing down. I read through the sidebar, lurked around, and collected knowledge but never applied anything until my affair was discovered. I knew, my marriage was over the day I was caught. It was done. I said fuck it… when my wife wanted to know the details of my affair; like how long, where did it all happen, what all did I do, etc. I told her everything. Full disclosure. I told on myself with my body squared, chest out, head high. No fear. No fucks! There’s nothing to save. It was my first display of frame, outcome independence, and pre-selection. It also felt good to release that deep dark secret. I’ll never forget her response to me… “I don’t know why, but I just want to fuck you so bad right now.” It caught me off guard. I wasn’t sure if I heard what was said correctly, but yeah… so we fucked… and agreed to work on our marriage the day after my affair was discovered. “I don’t know why, but I just wanna fuck you right now.” is arguably the opposite of “I love you but I’m not in love with you.” It validated many MRP basics like: •Frame is everything. •Women would rather share a high value Man than be saddled with a faithful loser. •Pre-Selection works. •Dread Game works. •Not DEERing works. •Outcome Independence works. •Displaying high value works. Women (AWALT) who stay after an affair demand you give up your balls to them as an ultimatum. Dudes who get caught in their affair offer up their balls as a bargaining tool to save the marriage. They agree to live miserable lives under the critical spotlight of their wife’s ultimatums, which is a horrible way to live as a married masculine man. If you’re gonna revive your marriage from such a disastrous (<—understatement) event, you must do it without handing over your balls and refraining from doubling down on becoming a submissive beta husband in exchange for the survival of the marriage. You either “alpha” through your recovery by setting your boundaries and working on yourself or you get the fuck out. As for me, my accumulated personal growth had the collateral result of my wife defaulting right into the role I wanted her to be in, without even telling her to. That’s because I left no voids for her to fill other than for her to be a youthful and light hearted woman. She became service oriented toward me. Respectful. Always available for sex and stays fit. Since then, I’ve gotten to know her again. The lovely feminine woman she’s become is actually really enjoyable. My affair used to be a huge hawk hovering around my marriage. These days, it’s merely a little fly that buzzes every blue moon. A non-issue. I revived my marriage through MRP, OYS, and not surrendering my balls. If you get anything out of this other than trying not to have an affair. I hope you don’t surrender you balls over something as stupid as getting caught doing something waaaayyy more forgivable than what I’ve done.",,83,2wo2wo3hree,2023-08-16 03:03:44 marriedredpill,15rmnbh,"Own Your Shit Weekly - August 15, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,15,AutoModerator,2023-08-15 08:30:08 marriedredpill,15nbze3,FR: 18 Months Post-Nuke,"There's nothing new here, I just wanted to put some notes out there to solidify some lessons I've learned while being here... **Background** 6'1, 204lb, 1000+ total. Nuked 18 months ago after 2 years of MRP, down from 240lb and sidebar + OYS. The desire and respect were too far gone. Emotional cheating at a minimum. Dread, STFU, cutting, lifting, NMMNG/WISNIFG all made things worse. I held on too long for my daughter, equity and lack of self belief that I could upgrade from a shitty situation. I at least had a sparring partner while I became less of a fat cunt. I’m a stubborn cunt that needs to be told something 20x or learn from maximum pain. But here’s a few lessons I’ve learned the hard way and thanks to this place: &#x200B; **Lift** Nothing to expand on, it's a MRP/TRP broken record for a reason. More important than anything. &#x200B; **Action above everything** Another broken record. I don’t have a different spin on it, but it’s all that made a difference in fixing myself and my dating life after years of fault finding and not taking massive action. If I have 4 hours to cut down a tree, I'll spend an hour sharpening the axe. Not 4 hours sharpening the axe and end up with no wood. Don't dwell on things like your wife, the concept of frame, how shit your life is. STFU and OYS on what you've done (or not done) and leave your ego wide open to getting destroyed for the mistakes you've made and your huge blind spots. &#x200B; **If she wants to fuck you, she’ll make it easy for you.** I worried about my body fat %, game, first dates, logistics, if the girl liked me, etc. just like I tried to negotiate desire with my wife for years. In reality it doesn’t fucking matter that much, u/Visual_Cable_1067 put it perfectly: >F-closing hot, exotic early 20yos within mere days just requires you do some approaches and let things unfold. No perfection required. When a girl wants you to succeed you can get away with a lot of stupid shit. I was overthinking, hungover, dressed terribly, no pickup lines or an indirect excuse to approach. Success came from simply grabbing my balls and putting one foot in front of the other. A ""fuck it"" moment going for what I want, with plenty of mistakes and a messy date, and now I have a girl that crawls on all fours to please me for nothing in return. Pays for shit and inconveniences herself to simply get fucked then sent home. An absolute shit testing machine, but it's laughable and cute compared to what I dealt with in my marriage. She will likely fall off at some point without further commitment, but I have another regular girl and the confidence that I can source more when I need to. &#x200B; **There is no instruction manual for life and failure (but not really failure) is an option** I held onto HOA's posts and MRP success stories and turning my marriage around for a long time. I took the instructions to the extreme, got down to 185lbs with a 1200 total. Sidebar over and over again until I finally said fuck it. I'm glad I did those things and can say I tried. Most of all though, I had to learn to think for myself. There is no instruction manual or sidebar piece that can help. I even had a few ridiculous emotional outbursts after realising I was making life so hard for myself. Letting go of old facets of my personality, grieving my previous self and paving the way for a much simpler life with less obstacles. This one is a bit gay and I couldn't really put it into words. &#x200B; **Put divorce first (if YOU decide on it)** A MRP broken record for a reason. This shit is already exhausting and time consuming without maximising your effort. Avoiding it, getting distracted by new pussy, all dragged it out longer than necessary. Don't be me. I'm still not done with it, but there is no thing as ""divorce rape"", I'll be much better off in 2 years than I ever was. Sidebar divorce strategy helps. &#x200B; **Wife Goggles/Oneitis** I took a snapshot of my wife when she was early-20s and objectively hot, eager to please, great sex, best blowjob I'd ever had, etc. and kept that same opinion of her for 10 years. It took a lot of pain to slap the wife goggles off my face. Then every other girl I banged post-separation, suddenly became the hottest girl and the best sex I've had. It took a few lays and OYS to realise the pattern. It’s just pussy. She isn't the hottest girl in the world, and the sex isn't the best you'll ever get. You just don't have other options and therefore romanticize her. &#x200B; **Kids** I don't know if any trauma or issues will arise later (probably, all kids go through ""trauma"" - even ones growing up in rich nuclear families?) But I'll be much more poised to deal with it as my own man chasing my goals and vision. My daughter had an early life lesson that things can get shit sometimes. It got easier over time when I ignored external input from STBX and looked at the actual results. I made sure my daughter's needs were met and tried to attain the input/contact I wanted. Everything I was directly in control of. They'll be fine. Or maybe not. &#x200B; I still have plenty of gaping weaknesses and blind spots. I still can't walk past a fucking bakery without buying a croissant even though I'm trying to cut back down to 185. The journey is never over. &#x200B; &#x200B;",,80,CreatineCapsule,2023-08-10 13:04:14 marriedredpill,15lbzuc,"Own Your Shit Weekly - August 08, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,11,AutoModerator,2023-08-08 08:30:08 marriedredpill,15f6ew8,"Own Your Shit Weekly - August 01, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,21,AutoModerator,2023-08-01 08:30:10 marriedredpill,15928ht,"Own Your Shit Weekly - July 25, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,12,AutoModerator,2023-07-25 08:30:09 marriedredpill,152sk97,"Own Your Shit Weekly - July 18, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,11,AutoModerator,2023-07-18 08:30:09 marriedredpill,15236bw,Cuddles ain't free,"There was an OYS comment that sparked some discussion with some vets in a secret smart dudes server, which was: *""Cuddles ain't free.""* /u/red-sfpplus was quick to point out that his post, [Cuddles are Required](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/9jr5bx/cuddles_are_required/) (which is a fantastic 100% true post) was OG, but warned that this statement could be a giant covert contract. I agree. So, with that in mind - know that none of this is covert in nature and requires a certain mentality that you are the prize. But, if you still practice this it's helped some men overcome the root problem which is physical neediness from their women. If you're struggling with your woman not giving you enough cuddles, then this post is for you. I dug up my old comments on why [cuddles ain't free.](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/paj7qe/own_your_shit_weekly_august_24_2021/hac7dnt/?context=8&depth=9) [Cuddles are not for men. They are for women.](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/nf58cf/own_your_shit_weekly_may_18_2021/gyuli4e/?context=8&depth=9) Women do not want empathy. They want strength. Strength comes from men. Therefore, that makes cuddles a gift from you. You don't give gifts to bitches, brats, or harpy sexless wives, do you? So, you withdraw your time and attention until they behave, or exit. [It's not the best way to figure it out, but each time you withdrawal time and attention for misbehavior and later she comes running back for comfort](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/npp633/own_your_shit_weekly_june_01_2021/h09i0wy/?context=8&depth=9) \- *(aka - cuddles)* that is when you fuck her and learn more that you are the prize. The anxiety you feel between the withdrawal and her seeking you out again for that time and attention will subside over time. [I failed at this so many times in my journey.](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/npp633/own_your_shit_weekly_june_01_2021/h09i0wy?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) I must have had over a dozen mini-main-events, until I finally saw the pattern. My wife would go bonkers and I'd feel guilty in these situations. I'd provide comfort because I loved her - and I liked her - and I cared about her. But somewhere along the time I learned that bad behavior doesn't get cuddles. Cuddles ain't free. So I let it just play out. I'm the oak. Storms come and go. The oak remains. [So recalibrate your affection](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/ojbcfj/own_your_shit_weekly_july_13_2021/h51elt6/?context=8&depth=9) and when you give it. The worst situation possible, which likley a lot of dudes here are in without knowing, is to be putting the cuddles on a dripfeed of neediness. It ruins sexual polarity and you won't get laid. If you're doing this, stop it. Recalibrate, and see what happens. Yeah, your woman if she was like mine will go apeshit. But here's the secret sauce bro.... Cuddles are required. Just be open and loving. **I would never deny my woman something that she needs.** In fact, memorize that. When your wife breaks and acts like a bitch because you're running this game for yourself to expose your weaknesses, she will **not** say ""you're not even touching me!"". Not at first anyways. But everything she does will be because of that. [Your woman should be the needy one. Not you.](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/qpzab0/comment/hjxea0d/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) And personally, I *love* my woman like that. It will be your job to guide and lead her into transforming that anxiety into femininity by polarizing a woman with your non-needy abundant mentality. ""Aww sweetheart, if you need a little cuddle just come sit on Daddy's lap, *come on over anytime...*"" This should be your mentality. You must kill your current model or it will drive you absolutely insane trying to do the same shit and expecting different results. [Here are a plethora of notes from me on cuddles](https://www.reddit.com/search/?q=author%3Ahornsofapathy%20cuddles&type=comment), (link must be read on new Reddit) often pointing out to OYS posters where they are falling down if you want more material. Cuddles are needy, required, and still in your frame. Strength, motherfuckers.",,68,HornsOfApathy,2023-07-17 14:14:58 marriedredpill,1529lhw,Three Levels of Identity,"Our Brain works by forming neurological pathways, the more we use those pathways, the more they solidify and more ""shorter"" they become. And since our brains are lazy and want to conserve energy, they take the shortest neurological path to figure out the solution to a problem. Another point to remember is our brain works through association. If you are asked to remember something, your mind will go blank, but if you are given the task to remember something about an apple, your mind will get flooded with images of apple, with its taste, with its smell, maybe you will remember biting into insect that had made that apple its home and that will make you feel sick, and then you may remember the time you were sick etc. This is your brain working in action from one neural path to another always taking the shortest path. But what happens when it is faced with scenarios that it a has not faced before, brain works the same way, it takes shortest neurological pathway to solve the problem, the difference is what those pathways are. **And those neural pathways form your identity.** # Level 1: Instincts. This is the most basic level of identity. Its simple, when you are an infant and you are faced with uncomfortable situation, you just bawl your eyes out until an adult comes and sooth you. That's the most basic pathway there is feel bad-> cry ->get soothed. As you get older, other instincts come in play, you get defensive, aggressive, seek validation etc because if you don't the adults that feed you might tell you to fuck off. This is where need to DEER comes from, this is where attention seeking comes from, this is where being a validation whore comes from. (Also that's where women with personality disorders like BPD are stuck, either they are not able to form neurological connections that surpass those instincts or they never learned the skills to help them do it.) # Level 2: Morality But to function in society you can't just rely on instincts, so you are given principles or guidelines for your conduct, in other words you are ""taught"" morality. Taught is term used loosely, as may it mean your parents actually teaching you, (like your father teaching to not steal or lie), or you are taught through carrot of praise, compliments, inclusion in tribe etc or stick of shame, guilt, punishments etc. One of the example here is ""**The real man trope**"", where they reward your sense of masculinity when you serve the purpose of women, like protecting them during a fire, or taking care of single mother's child who is ready to settle down after she had been ran through. And you are punished by your masculinity being shamed, like a real man won't leave his wife because she is fat so you are not a real man. One of the most egregious perpetrator of this morality programming is church, go to christianmarriage sub and you will find that men are shamed for wanting virgins or women without past, and forgiveness is used as a tool for reward or punishment. If you don't forgive you are not a good christian (read shame, guilt, exclusion from the tribe here). As you may very well know morality, keep men in relationships they hate because they took vows, **if you are not willing to walk away you don't have any power**. # Level 3: Frame But wait a second you don't need to rely on your instincts or morality to get you through life. Your brain has neat little thing called conscious decision making. It is important as you may need to learn new skills so you have the options to consciously form your own new neurological pathways that are not dependent on your instincts and morality. But brain does not work in vacuum so you need some guiding principle to guide you. Lets call that **guiding principle your vision**, something you want to achieve. It can be anything, neat little thing about it is that its yours, no one get any input regarding it. Now what happens when you have that strong vision, you are able to frame your reality around it. Arnold put it the best ""*every rep that I did and every set that I did, inched me closer to achieving my vision*"", He could frame getting tired and being in pain at the gym as a good thing, while anyone else would feel sorry for himself. If you have the vision of being a HVM, you can frame your own reality around it, You can frame shit tests not as bitchy behavior but as tests for your frame, You would not need to DEER because it is not congruent with your vision. It will **free you from the trap of morality**, yes leaving your fat, prude girlfriend/wife who wouldn't do anything to improve herself is not what ""real man"" would do. But you would not care what whether you are a ""real man"" or not in the view of society. If it is in line with your vision, you will not care. So how do you hold frame. well you ask yourself, is what I am doing congruent to my vision, if no then there is no need to waste time on it. (Now you may need to defend your vision, and you do it by AA, AM, fogging etc). As you ask this question over and over again from yourself, it will become second nature to you. Should I argue with my girlfriend, I mean I feel outraged ->**is it congruent with my vision?** Should I not go to gym today I am tired what will one day do anyways-> **is it congruent with my vision?** Should I watch porn today it been too long and I am horny-> **is it congruent to my vision?** Should I leave my wife, yeah she is fat and has not blown me in 10 years but I took vows and I should take responsibility as a real man-> **is it congruent to my vision?** Should I go and talk to that beautiful woman, I mean I have very bad approach anxiety maybe I should just read some field reports and do it next time-> **is it congruent to my vision?** **And by practice your vision becomes your identity, not your instincts, not the morality the society teaches you.** That's when your mind is in your control. **When you can frame your reality around you according to your own vision, that's when you truly become your own mental point of origin.** That's when you are truly free.",,24,[deleted],2023-07-17 18:19:10 marriedredpill,151polu,What are the origins of the red pill?,"Can someone please point me in the direction of information or a breakdown of the origins evolution of the red pill? Lately on YouTube, I have heard some people clumsily explain what they think the origins of the red pill is... it doesn't seem to add up. I searched the topic in this sub and couldn't find anything. Years ago I had found a really good breakdown of the origins of the red pill by Rian Stone, however I can't seem to find that video anymore. Thanks for your help.",,15,Dimitri_Ostende,2023-07-17 02:54:53 marriedredpill,14wl9jg,"Own Your Shit Weekly - July 11, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,13,AutoModerator,2023-07-11 08:30:09 marriedredpill,14rma7w,Stop letting people treat you like shit,"It's great to learn how to lead your family, and get in shape... but a lot of the guys on here miss the most important aspect of frame, something even more basic and more important than everything else: Stop letting people treat you like shit. Most guys on here are co-dependent and passive, and will do anything to avoid disapproval- both in relationships, and at work. Maybe you already sidebar and lift, but in the back of your mind you are telling yourself ""if I just get attractive enough and learn to lead I can stop being a doormat."" That will never happen, no matter how fit you get, you are never going to give yourself permission to stop being a doormat until you realize you don't need to meet some precondition to get treated with the same basic courtesy you already extend to everyone else. Look at all of the overweight, lazy guys with wifes that treat them better than yours treats you. The difference is these guys have some boundaries, and will say something about it when they are treated like shit- they would rather leave, or be alone than be in a relationship that sucks and their wives know it. Your wife knows you will put up with anything. You don't need to get fitter to set boundaries. You don't need to make threats to set boundaries. You don't need to memorize any script or conversation technique. You don't need to be superhuman and stop making mistakes and forgetting things. You do need to be willing to leave before you take abuse- but don't need to threaten to leave either. Her: (angry look) I can't believe you forgot to take out the garbage on garbage day! You idiot! You: (look her steady in the eye) I can see that you are upset, but it's not ok to speak to me like that. Calmly focus only on her being disrespectful until she can raise a concern in a respectful way. Always bring the conversation back to that and refuse to address any other points she raises, until she can manage to be respectful first. This is not to win the argument, but to have some respect for yourself, regardless of the effect on her. Your goal isn't to keep trying things to get her to respond a certain way- hopefully she is able to stop treating you like shit, but if not you will eventually find someone else that can, and be better off anyways. A few years back I sidebar'd and lifted to the point where I was winning strength competitions and could fog/broken record like a pro, yet my marriage still went to absolute shit. I told myself, in the back of my head, that leaving was never an option because of the potential impact on my son, and because of that, my other efforts were for naught. Ultimately, I decided a doormat dad was worse than a divorced dad, left, and I've never been happier, and my son is thriving with a dad that is present in a way I never was before. The two of us love doing strength competitions together, and I met an awesome woman that does them with us.",,106,[deleted],2023-07-05 20:25:54 marriedredpill,14q99k0,"Own Your Shit Weekly - July 04, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,10,AutoModerator,2023-07-04 08:30:11 marriedredpill,14ocxwb,Hitting the gym tonight.,"I have been getting soft, fully admit it. My wife and I have been at it for weeks fighting over stupid shit, I have lost frame. This week was hell, I was busting my ass all week, work has been crazy, my home is a fucking mess with 2 kids under 3, my wife doesn’t do shit since I am usually around to pick up the slack. I hardly ever see my kids due to the long hours required for my role and I haven’t been to the gym in weeks. (Minus a 2-3 times at the basic bitch gym at the office, cardio machines only) Over the last 24 hours I tried to re-establish frame, cleaned everything up, made a nice meal last night, woke up early with this kids this morning, I was fucking on it. My wife then presented me a shit test that I utterly failed. After an affectionate kiss this morning. (That she instigated) My wife says “I am worried” I said “About what?” She said “if we have sex you will turn into a jerk again” I replied with “would you rather me be a jerk?” She went silent and walked away, no response, unamused. This trigged me because she knew I was trying to put my best foot forward for the long weekend to repair things. She has been mostly silent since, and it’s been driving me up the wall. Never stop lifting, stay strong and don’t let yourself slip.",,31,BrutallyHonestUser,2023-07-02 02:40:48 marriedredpill,14k7rz7,"Own Your Shit Weekly - June 27, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,12,AutoModerator,2023-06-27 08:30:09 marriedredpill,14e59w1,"Own Your Shit Weekly - June 20, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,7,AutoModerator,2023-06-20 08:30:10 marriedredpill,14b3of2,Become Mindful of Your Desire,"I was reading through the OYS from last week while I was on my holiday when I saw u/hornsofapathy and u/tines0 share notes about the importance of initiating only from a place of true desire. Since I have noticed the impact of this often overlooked mental model myself, I thought I’d ellaborate further. If you have read through the sidebar you know [the fallacy of seeking validation in your (sex) life](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/ab7vt5/validation_needs_that_can_poison_your_sex_life/). It might be one of the main reasons why the beta crabs of the hypergamy bucket stay far down with the masses. Most of us have been guilty of seeking validation in our relationship. We get that jolt of oneitis and initiate because we want to check how interested our women are in fucking our entitled **EGO**. You, Mr. Big Dingalong, are four months into your MRP-journey and did all this work so **SHE** better be fucking **YOU**, right? **Wrong.** She owes you and your ego nothing. Internally she feelz that you are still basing your worth on something external (in this case, the question if mwommy spreads her legs for you or not). If you have actually read the sidebar and know anything about Frame and being your [Mental Point of Origin](https://therationalmale.com/2014/11/14/mental-point-of-origin/) you will understand that this way of thinking is bound for failure. Next time the thought of fucking your woman crosses your mind, examine the thought. Give it a few moments, learn what the thought feelz like in your gut. Does the thought fill you with feelings of mild anxiety, stress and neurosis? It is highly likely that you are looking for validation. On the other hand, does the thought give you positive energy, make you excited and give you a raging boner? It is probably coming from a place of true desire. Over time, approaching your sex life like this also changes the dynamic. You are actually approaching sex from your frame instead of poking to see if mommy still loves you. You are the prize, right? This would mean that your woman is working hard to kindle that desire and if she's not, well, you have plenty of important shit to do.",,21,forever-nomor3,2023-06-16 18:06:24 marriedredpill,148tweg,Attachment Theory and Applicability to MRP,"One of the key tenets here at MRP has been to just focus on yourself. STFU, lift, and sidebar, amirite. Save the man, not the marriage. Hoo rah. If you look back historically at the seduction community, such as SoSuave and alt.seduction.fast, there was more of a focus on understanding women and what makes them tick. Here at MRP, guys typically come here through some Google search about having more sex or respect from their wife (or deadbedrooms or doing a search for ILYBINILWY), they get blindsided at the info here, stop their Nice Guy behaviors using No More Mr. Nice Guy, learn how to say No to their wife after reading When I Say No I Feel Guilty, attempt to build a frame from the resources, go hit the gym in some form or fashion, autistically shut up, and generally fumble their way to a better sex life after failing over and over while the rest of us laugh at them (or crash and burn, but hey, we need a success story around here every now and then). What we’ll be talking about today is more evo-psych, looking at something called attachment theory, and using that to show relevance to MRP and adding a tool to the toolbox. This falls into the sidebar/know yourself category. **What is Attachment Theory** From the book Attached by Levine/Heller, “Attachment theory designates three main “attachment styles,” or manners in which people perceive and respond to intimacy in romantic relationships, which parallel those found in children: Secure, Anxious, and Avoidant. Basically, secure people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving; anxious people crave intimacy, are often preoccupied with their relationships, and tend to worry about their partner’s ability to love them back; avoidant people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness. In addition, people with each of these attachment styles differ in: • their view of intimacy and togetherness • the way they deal with conflict • their attitude toward sex • their ability to communicate their wishes and needs • their expectations from their partner and the relationship All people in our society, whether they have just started dating someone or have been married for forty years, fall into one of these categories, or, more rarely, into a combination of the latter two (anxious and avoidant). Just over 50 percent are secure, around 20 percent are anxious, 25 percent are avoidant, and the remaining 3 to 5 percent fall into a fourth, less common disorganized category. Over the past two decades, adult attachment research has produced hundreds of scientific papers and dozens of books that carefully delineate the way in which adults behave in close romantic ties. These studies have confirmed, many times over, the existence of these attachment styles in adults in a wide range of countries and cultures, including the United States, Australia, Canada, Germany, Israel, Italy, Portugal, the Netherlands, and the United Kingdom. Understanding attachment styles is an easy and reliable way to understand and predict people’s behavior in any romantic situation. In fact, one of the main messages of this theory is that in romantic situations, we are programmed to act in a predetermined manner. Other experiments have produced even more far-reaching results. Brian Baker, a psychiatrist and researcher at the University of Toronto, studies psychiatric aspects of heart disease and hypertension and, in particular, the way in which marital discord and job strain affect blood pressure. In one of his studies, Dr. Baker found that if you have a mild form of high blood pressure, being in a satisfying marriage is good for you; spending time in the presence of your partner actually benefits you by lowering your blood pressure to healthier levels. If, on the other hand, you are not satisfied with your marriage, contact with your partner will actually raise your blood pressure, which will remain elevated as long as you are in physical proximity! The implications of this study are profound: When our partner is unable to meet our basic attachment needs, we experience a chronic sense of disquiet and tension that leaves us more exposed to various ailments. Not only is our emotional well-being sacrificed when we are in a romantic partnership with someone who doesn’t provide a secure base, but so is our physical health.” Interesting stuff. Wouldn’t that be interesting if you can reliably understand and predict your wife’s behavior in any romantic situation. Plus there are health considerations. However, I can hear Rian and weakandsensitive mentioning that really, it’s the wife’s job for the relationship. You do what you want. To that, I would say, A. B. C. Always Be Calibrating. You have to be aware of how the game is played, and what influences are happening to you. **Secure Attachment** A secure attachment style is characterized by several key attributes: Trust: Individuals with a secure attachment style have a strong sense of trust in themselves and others. They believe that their needs will be met, and they have confidence in the reliability and availability of their attachment figures. Emotional Stability: People with a secure attachment style generally have a stable and balanced emotional state. They are comfortable expressing their emotions and have healthy coping mechanisms to deal with stress and challenges. Intimacy and Connection: Individuals with a secure attachment style are comfortable with closeness and intimacy in relationships. They value emotional connection and seek out healthy, fulfilling relationships based on mutual support and understanding. Autonomy and Independence: Despite their comfort with closeness, securely attached individuals also maintain a healthy sense of independence. They are capable of exploring the world and pursuing their own interests while still maintaining strong emotional bonds. Effective Communication: Those with a secure attachment style possess strong communication skills. They are able to express their needs and emotions clearly and assertively, while also being receptive and empathetic to others' feelings and perspectives. Emotional Resilience: Securely attached individuals are generally resilient in the face of challenges and setbacks. They have a positive outlook on life and are able to bounce back from difficulties with the support of their attachment figures. Positive Self-Esteem: People with a secure attachment style tend to have a healthy self-esteem. They have a positive self-image and believe in their own worth and capabilities. Flexibility and Adaptability: Securely attached individuals are adaptable in their relationships. They are open to change, able to adjust to new situations, and are willing to compromise when necessary. Overall, a secure attachment style is characterized by a strong sense of trust, emotional stability, healthy intimacy, autonomy, effective communication, resilience, positive self-esteem, and adaptability. These qualities contribute to the formation of secure and satisfying relationships with others. **Anxious Attachment** An anxious attachment style is associated with certain characteristic behaviors and traits: Fear of Abandonment: Individuals with an anxious attachment style often experience intense fear and anxiety about being abandoned or rejected by their attachment figures. This fear may lead to clingy and dependent behaviors in relationships. Constant Need for Reassurance: People with an anxious attachment style often seek constant reassurance and validation from their partners. They may have a heightened sensitivity to signs of rejection or distance, leading to an increased need for verbal and physical reassurance. Overanalyzing and Ruminating: Individuals with an anxious attachment style tend to overanalyze and ruminate on relationship dynamics. They may excessively scrutinize their partner's behaviors and interpret them as signs of rejection or impending abandonment. Jealousy and Possessiveness: Those with an anxious attachment style may exhibit jealousy and possessive tendencies in relationships. They may fear that their partner will be drawn to others or seek emotional or physical intimacy outside of the relationship. High Emotional Reactivity: People with an anxious attachment style often experience intense emotions and may have difficulty regulating them. They may react strongly to perceived threats or relationship conflicts, leading to heightened emotional responses such as anger, sadness, or anxiety. Difficulty with Trust: Anxious attachment style individuals may struggle with trust, often due to past experiences of inconsistent or unreliable caregiving. They may have difficulty fully trusting their partners and may seek constant reassurance to alleviate their fears. Overdependence on Relationships: Individuals with an anxious attachment style may rely heavily on their relationships for a sense of self-worth and validation. They may prioritize their relationships above other aspects of their lives and have difficulty maintaining a healthy balance between their personal and relational needs. Tendency to Idealize Relationships: Those with an anxious attachment style often idealize romantic relationships and have high expectations for their partners. They may believe that their partner will fulfill all their emotional needs, leading to disappointment and frustration when those expectations are not met. It is important to note that individuals with an anxious attachment style typically desire close and secure relationships but may exhibit behaviors that inadvertently push their partners away. Understanding and addressing these attachment patterns can lead to healthier relationship dynamics and improved emotional well-being. **Avoidant Attachment** An avoidant attachment style is associated with several characteristic behaviors and traits: Emotional Distance: Individuals with an avoidant attachment style often maintain emotional distance and independence in relationships. They may have difficulty expressing or acknowledging their own emotions and may seem emotionally detached or aloof to others. Fear of Intimacy: People with an avoidant attachment style tend to feel uncomfortable with emotional intimacy and vulnerability. They may have deep-seated fears of being engulfed or controlled by others, leading them to create emotional barriers and maintain a sense of autonomy. Independence and Self-Reliance: Those with an avoidant attachment style prioritize their independence and self-reliance. They may rely heavily on themselves for emotional support and have a tendency to avoid relying on others or seeking help in times of need. Dismissive Attitude: Individuals with an avoidant attachment style may adopt a dismissive attitude toward relationships and emotional needs. They may downplay the importance of close connections and minimize their own emotional experiences. Reluctance to Commit: People with an avoidant attachment style often struggle with committing to long-term relationships. They may feel uncomfortable with the idea of long-lasting emotional bonds and may prefer to keep relationships casual or maintain a certain level of distance. Difficulty with Trust: Those with an avoidant attachment style may have difficulty trusting others and forming deep emotional connections. They may have experienced past betrayals or disappointments, leading them to be wary of relying on others for support or validation. Self-Sufficiency: Individuals with an avoidant attachment style value their independence and self-sufficiency. They may prioritize self-reliance and may be hesitant to depend on others, even in times of emotional or practical need. Deactivating Strategies: Those with an avoidant attachment style often employ deactivating strategies to cope with emotional closeness. These strategies include suppressing emotions, avoiding discussions about feelings, or engaging in activities that distract from emotional connection. It's important to note that individuals with an avoidant attachment style may desire connection and relationships, but they may struggle with maintaining emotional closeness and intimacy. Understanding these attachment patterns can help in developing strategies to navigate relationships more effectively and cultivate more secure and fulfilling connections. Thanks ChatGPT for those three definitions. Saved me the time of typing them out. **Protest Behavior** From the book Attached, “Protest behavior is any action that tries to reestablish contact with your partner and get their attention. There are many ways that protest behavior can manifest itself, anything that can jolt the other person into noticing you and responding to you. Protest behavior and activating strategies can cause you to act in ways that are harmful to the relationship. It is very important to learn to recognize them when they happen. These behaviors and strategies can also continue long after your partner is gone. This is part of what heartache is all about—the longing for someone who is no longer available to us when our biological and emotional makeup is programmed to try to win them back. Even if your rational mind knows you shouldn’t be with this person, your attachment system doesn’t always comply. The process of attachment follows its own course and its own schedule. This means you will continue to think about the other person and will be unable to push them out of your mind for a very long time.” There’s also a relevant box in said book listing out different types of protest behavior: “Protest Behavior—Letting Your Attachment System Get the Best of You Excessive attempts to reestablish contact: • Calling, texting, or e-mailing many times, waiting for a phone call, loitering by your partner’s workplace in hopes of running into him/her. Withdrawing: • Sitting silently “engrossed” in the paper, literally turning your back on your partner, not speaking, talking with other people on the phone and ignoring him/her. Keeping score: • Paying attention to how long it took them to return your phone call and waiting just as long to return theirs; waiting for them to make the first “make-up” move and acting distant until such time. When Ryan decided not to leave a message for Shauna after she screened his calls, he was keeping score (“If she’s not answering my calls, I won’t leave her a message”). Acting hostile: • Rolling your eyes when they speak, looking away, getting up and leaving the room while they’re talking (acting hostile can transgress to outright violence at times). Threatening to leave: • Making threats—“We’re not getting along, I don’t think I can do this anymore,” “I knew we weren’t really right for each other,” “I’ll be better off without you”—all the while hoping s/he will stop you from leaving. Manipulations: • Acting busy or unapproachable. Ignoring phone calls, saying you have plans when you don’t. Making him/her feel jealous: • Making plans to get together with an ex for lunch, going out with friends to a singles bar, telling your partner about someone who hit on you today.” Now be honest. How many of you have done any of these? Fairly interesting, isn’t it. Imagine that, you have a attachment system whirling around in your brain and it’s affecting your behaviors. Like the last one, “telling your partner about someone who hit on you today”. Jack10 mentioned that in Active Dread vs Passive Dread. There are multiple tie-ins to MRP here. **SMV and Attachment** Rollo tangentially touched upon this subject on his blog - https://therationalmale.com/2013/06/20/smv-ratios-attachment/ The relevant quote is here: “Roissy once proposed that the strength and security of any relationship rests in the disparity between each person’s sexual market value. While I endorse this principle entirely, I’m going to take it a bit further. As a general principle it works well for the guy wanting to maintain his frame in an LTR, however there’s more wrapped up in that SMV disparity than I think has been explored thus far. As I began here, SMV doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Men may have an Alpha dominance established only to have it knocked back down after failing a particularly bad shit test. He may rate lower or higher depending on a social status that’s in flux. A woman must find ways to cope with an ever decaying SMV once she reaches her SMV peak and begins her decline towards the Wall. Childbirth and rearing, weight gain, satisfying a security need, and many other factors may also accelerate this process. What I’m going to do here is propose a general outline for SMV disparity based on the ratio between both sexes. Before you read my outlines, keep in mind the Cardinal Rule of Relationships: In any relationship, the person with the most power is the one who needs the other the least. The overarching concept here is that the person in the relationship with the superior sexual market value will at least be perceived by the person of lesser value to need them less than the other. If it is established by concrete social proof that one person is of higher SMV than the other, it’s usually an accepted reality of that relationship, but bear in mind that it is the fluctuating perception of SMV that has more influence on the attachment and strength of that relationship.” Initially this quote was tied to Relationship Attachment, but I’m going to take it into a bit of a different direction. Your SMV influences your relationship, which ties into how you relate and are attached to each other. Your SMV is very relevant to how you interact with your wife, and how your wife interacts with you. As example, as you increase your SMV, very likely this will provoke insecurity and anxiety in your wife, inducing behaviors that lead to her having an anxious attachment style. Is this good? Bad? Indifferent? The mere increase of SMV can move someone from one attachment style to another. Be aware of this fact. **How The Fuck This Applies to MRP** So, now that you have a basic idea about secure, anxious, and avoidant styles, how would this be applicable to MRP? First off, you should take a hard look at yourself. It’s important to recognize what sort of attachment you have and your relationship to your wife. Why? That feeds into the “be attractive, don’t be unattractive” line we quote around here. What attachment style do you have, and what unattractive behaviors is that causing? For example, say you have an anxious attachment style. Perhaps this anxious attachment style is causing you to be a Dancing Monkey. To take a quote from that post, “A hawt, ripped boy-toy with some game can attract women for a STR or ONS, but the attraction quickly fades if you're still just a pedestalizing, people-pleasing pussy who can't or won't stand up for himself, and actively assert himself and lead rather than just withdraw by leaving or STFU when challenged.” Second of all, take a hard look at your wife. In the interest of leading the hamster through the maze, you can recognize how your wife attaches to you, and calibrate accordingly. If you are in the anger phase, you can really fuck it up, so ~~here’s some dynamite go to town~~ go work on your anger phase. As an example, say you again are new to MRP, and you are in this cycle of Anxiously Initiate Sex - Rejected - Become Butthurt and Avoidant - Get Angry - Anger makes you Horny - Anxiously Initiate Sex - Rejected and the cycle continues (mostly because you are fat and unattractive). Maybe you just jump to Avoidant because you’re sick and tired of initiating, and you’re angry at your wife, and you’re really angry at yourself because of how low you’ve sunk. And your wife is exhibiting all the classic symptoms of Avoidant. Recognizing how you are attaching to your wife, and how your wife is attaching to you, allows you to begin the steps to change behaviors. Or perhaps you are going through or have finished a divorce. You may have sat down with a therapist because, let’s be honest, going through a divorce is one of life’s largest stressors, and it’s worth evaluating to see whether or not you should talk to a therapist. It would be worth looking historically at if you had a poor attachment style and how you can fix that for the future. Perhaps it made you unattractive. Perhaps it didn’t. It’s worth looking at so you don’t make the same mistakes over and over. Maybe you’ve evaluated yourself and you have a Anxious attachment style, which causes you to put your wife up on a pedestal. I’m going to give you a news flash – if you put your wife up on a pedestal, all she can do is look down on you. Maybe you should stop your Anxious tendencies. You get the idea. **Paint Is Not To Be Eaten** Say that you just got to MRP, your mind is spinning with thoughts of STFUing and getting laid, and you come across this post talking about attachment styles. You may think to yourself, oh, looky here, I found the keys to the kingdom. No. None of this is to supersede general principles. Be attractive, don’t be unattractive. Build a solid frame. Become attractive to all women, not just your wife. This post is merely a supplement (or yet another suppository), so that you recognize your unattractive behaviors and the influences on your system. I would also encourage you in your readings to be discerning. For example, there is a quote about how you should wear your heart on your sleeve in one of the books. I don’t have to tell you how that falls into the unattractive side of the house. News flash, this is not a cure all. Taking a moment to understand how attachment plays a part in your relationship does not mean you do not get out of doing the work. Finally, don’t go blabbing to your wife about how you are SURE that she has an avoidant attachment style and that she needs to fix that so you can have the sexy times. Wait, scratch that. Go try it. For science. And report back on how her panties dropped. All field reports welcome. For those who are therapists or psychiatrists, and I know we have a few on the boards, I would be interested in hearing your take on things.",,87,SteelSharpensSteel,2023-06-14 00:27:39 marriedredpill,148ab2h,"Own Your Shit Weekly - June 13, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,15,AutoModerator,2023-06-13 08:30:08 marriedredpill,1428vvk,"Own Your Shit Weekly - June 06, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,14,AutoModerator,2023-06-06 08:30:10 marriedredpill,13w3knk,The SILENCE Here is DEAFENING,"We have 48,000 members. And yet week after week goes by without any new content being posted on this main sub. As I alluded to in the previous thread (by AfterDeath101), I think the reason is pretty clear. It's because there is a culture here that has grown up over the years that makes people ""gun-shy"" about sticking their neck out to post new things - for fear of the usual ""pile-on"". Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe all is well and healthy about the culture here after all. But I think we need to discuss it. As the main TRP sub itself sinks slowly into the sea, it would be nice to know that MRP is still thriving - and a great place for men to come to discuss these kinds of issues. A healthy, thriving MRP is needed today more than ever. So let's discuss why this sub has become virtually a ""post-free"" zone. Your thoughts, men? EDIT: Since many of my replies on this thread are now scattered by the flood of other comments, I will reply here with one main thought: Many commenters act like I am just complaining about being ""mean"". That's not it. It's the SILENCE here that is so very telling. In other words, the culture on this board is so negative and attacking that even the VETERANS who have years of MRP experience are reluctant to post here. That's a sure sign that something is very wrong. There has to be a better way of ""coaching"" men than to yell at them and rip their heads off every time they open their mouth. &#x200B;",,139,Aggravating_Tie4586,2023-05-30 22:02:39 marriedredpill,13w9gru,How to Define Your Mission: A Guide to Writing an Effective Mission Statement,"Saw a post by u/Aggravating_Tie4586 on the lack of content going around in this sub: [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/13w3knk/the_silence_here_is_deafening/) So here is my attempt at what I view as a contribution. I am 8 weeks in and as new as it gets. Let the spears fly. # Mission This should be your starting point when entering this sub after reading the sidebar and getting a gym membership. So you found out your wife's having an affair. Or maybe you realized after looking in the mirror you have no idea what the hell happened to your marriage or you. You're driving on cruise control in constant mediocrity. You need to start Owning Your Shit. You go to write your first weekly OYS post and your Mission Statement is as weak as your lifts or lack thereof. I am in the military, but designing a Mission Statement happens at every level and can apply to every aspect of life. Whether you use this to information to OYS, write a business plan or vision, or figure out why your wife doesn't want to fuck you is up to you. # Operational Art *""The cognitive approach by commanders and staffs—supported by their* *skill, knowledge, experience, creativity, and judgment—to develop* *strategies, campaigns, and operations to organize and employ military* *forces by integrating ends, ways, and means.""* What the hell does this have to do with generating a Mission Statement in the weekly OYS? Operational Art is a fancy graduate-level term for accomplishing the *Objective*. **Objective -** The most fundamental consideration in operational art—all actions should be directed towards accomplishing the objectiv**e.** We have to parse out the difference between *Objective* and *Mission.* In short, the *Objective* is the *Ends* and the *Mission* is the *Ways* and *Means.* Before generating your Mission Statement you must be able to visualize and internalize what you want. What are the terms to victory? What defines success? Is your mission short-term or long-term? **The most important part of this post is that a Mission, by nature, is temporary. You must constantly update, change, or design a new Mission when Objectives are met or you FAIL.** # The 4 Questions of Operational Art: 1. What are your objectives? - **Ends** (e.g. lose 30 lbs) 2. What sequence of actions is most likely to achieve those objectives? -**Ways** (e.g. diet and lifting) 3. What resources are required to accomplish that sequence of actions? -**Means** (e.g. money, quality food, and gym membership.) 4. What is the likely chance of failure or unacceptable results in performing that sequence of actions? -**Risk** (e.g. Lifting Injury) # Center of Gravity (CoG), Critical Vulnerability (CV) You will use your CoG to achieve your objectives and you will protect or minimize your CV to prevent failure. Let's dive into an example using my own case: * My Centers of Gravity are my lifting experience and military gym access. * My Critical Vulnerabilities are my short temper, Nice Guy Behaviors, inability to STFU under duress. What if I don't have a CoG? I'm just a piece of shit that smokes weed all day. If you're in that place, your Objectives are much smaller and thus your CoG will change based on smaller Missions. Get off the couch and go lift. The key here is to maximize your CoG and minimize your CV. For me this is Lift and STFU. I lift to progress my CoG and I STFU to protect my CV. # Building the Mission Statement A Mission is designed to be a statement with several parts. It must be clear, concise, and easily understood. The typical way to achieve this is defining a *Purpose, Method and End-state*. **The key here is the mission is about YOU, not your marriage, not your wife. Focus on YOU.** Let's start with a simple short-term example sentence that defines your objective: * *""I will become more assertive in my everyday interactions""* * Purpose: To eliminate Nice Guy behaviors. * Method: By reading WISNIFG and NMMNG. * End-state: Be able to handle shit-tests. Mission Statements with measurable and quantifiable metrics will be easier to manage and create more realistic expectations. Long-term example with multiple Objectives in a different format: ""*I will end covert contracts in my life, end validation seeking behaviors, and maintain a physique below 15%BF. My purpose is to gain confidence in my abilities in social situations and appearance. My method will be a disciplined lifting schedule of at least 4 days per week and spending 1 hour per day reading the sidebar materials. My End-State will be to become a more outgoing man with an abundance mentality.""* Parting shots: * Revise your statement regularly. It is a living breathing sentence that should change when you make progress or have missteps. * Sit down and think what you want. I had trouble doing this, and my first OYS missions were rife with shitty mission statements and I got a graduate degree in writing them.",,49,YDDMS,2023-05-31 02:17:05 marriedredpill,13vkj8g,"Own Your Shit Weekly - May 30, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,11,AutoModerator,2023-05-30 08:30:10 marriedredpill,13scumm,STFU on a Group Level,"Local faggot, so I have no wisdom to add here, just an observation: The continuing weekly OYS paired with the sharp decline of topic/field report posts signals a focused stfu attitude about improving. That's an interesting part of RP and especially MRP that I've surmised. To talk about it, which is feminine in nature, is not the point or the goal. Get to a place where you embody the principles and bank the intellectual resources, such that speaking is irrelevant. Its refreshing and one of the biggest hurdles in my view, that consistency requires commitment beyond constantly commenting about the struggle. So for all the assholes still complaining and not getting on top of your shit, I say to myself, just stfu and work.",,3,AfterDeath101,2023-05-26 13:10:03 marriedredpill,13pif5v,"Own Your Shit Weekly - May 23, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,11,AutoModerator,2023-05-23 08:30:08 marriedredpill,13iz6dq,"Own Your Shit Weekly - May 16, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,13,AutoModerator,2023-05-16 08:30:10 marriedredpill,13cjnuz,"Own Your Shit Weekly - May 09, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,17,AutoModerator,2023-05-09 08:30:09 marriedredpill,135f5a7,"Own Your Shit Weekly - May 02, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,17,AutoModerator,2023-05-02 08:30:10 marriedredpill,12ycywf,"Own Your Shit Weekly - April 25, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,33,AutoModerator,2023-04-25 08:30:09 marriedredpill,12qg2bk,"Own Your Shit Weekly - April 18, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,23,AutoModerator,2023-04-18 08:30:09 marriedredpill,12id8zh,"Own Your Shit Weekly - April 11, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,21,AutoModerator,2023-04-11 08:30:11 marriedredpill,12bctgk,"Own Your Shit Weekly - April 04, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,24,AutoModerator,2023-04-04 08:30:11 marriedredpill,124i00h,"Own Your Shit Weekly - March 28, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,19,AutoModerator,2023-03-28 08:30:10 marriedredpill,11xb0no,"Own Your Shit Weekly - March 21, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,19,AutoModerator,2023-03-21 08:30:11 marriedredpill,11r0p0u,"Own Your Shit Weekly - March 14, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,16,AutoModerator,2023-03-14 08:30:11 marriedredpill,11m8qll,5 year Field Report - If you can't be vulnerable your frame is shit,"It's been a minute since I added some post value to the MRP sub here, and I've always found that Field Reports provide the most. It's been about 5 years + since I found this corner of the internet. [My entire first year is chronicled](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/j3zg2a/what_a_year_of_owning_your_shit_looks_like/) here for anyone to read. I've always been a wild ride - high performance, high output, high energy and high rewards. I did the work back then, even beginning a 24/7 D/s relationship with my wife which a lot of dudes here think is some aspirational holy grail of relationships where sex is on demand and my wife is a nymphomaniac. I mean, those things are absolutely true, yes. But recently I was asked [how things were going for me now](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/117yhws/own_your_shit_weekly_february_21_2023/j9hs86g/?context=3)? I said the jury was still out on that one. If you're read my stuff, you'll agree that I probably pushed harder than anyone here at MRP to the furthest reaches of sex in marriage. I've taken the sexual polarization of the masculine and feminine to the edges beyond anyone here I can remember. I've made this my hobby for over 4 years of discovering every corner of a woman's sexual mind, her strategy, and what makes it tick. I'm a master of sexual fulfillment for myself and I've gotten what most guys here dream of. If I told anyone what I'm up to in that area of my life I'd probably be in jail by now. Go [read my cheat codes](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/pymw1k/hornsofapathys_mrp_cheat_codes_to_blow_up_your/) for a tame example of the things I've discovered and field tested with success. It used to be that I needed to create challenges for myself to satisfy a sense of self-worth in all areas of my life, sexually included. But sexually to a lesser extent. I wanted to reach into the darkest parts of my mind and make them a reality. And, I did. It was some dumbass David Goggins bullshit built on a shit foundation of chasing the dragon. Nowadays it's a fun sidequest. What I'm here to report is that even though I had built an amazing life with a crazy $$$ C-level job where I travel the world, any woman I would want will look at me in ways every man here would desire, I have a wife who desires to fuck me 7 times a day, and productive kids in the world... something was gnawing at me and I was unhappy on the inside. Like a true Redpill Bro^(TM) I powered through that unhappiness. Life is hard work, right? Some would comment to me it was because I was delusional with my wife, or myself being a narcassist asshole to a dark triad degree, or something something something. I listened and STFU without judgement. But still found no one could nail the magic mental model or answers or questions that would give me an insight into *why* this lonely feeling inside me existed despite my abundant life. Hell, even I espoused that being lonely was a virtue of a man that understood the reality of his real place in the world and you could find comradery with other men that shared that experience. That part is true, but what I didn't realize until recently is that my adoption of this loneliness was just an excuse to cover up a larger gaping hole in my own frame that only I could find... because I was the only one who created it. Hidden deep inside my frame was another frame guarding my desires for joy. My frame is/was made of steel to both the world and women, yet, that did not protect something inside my heart. Yet, as I did the hard work more and more - the mental and physical lifting - and undoubtedly got some of the best results any man could imagine, I had forgotten that [happiness is only real when it's shared](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/e5e441/comment/f9jya82/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3). This brings me to why I've chosen to write this field report. &#x200B; # Walking through the world until now I had crafted my life to walk through this world in a masculine and erect way that suited me - becoming exactly the man I wanted of my own accord. I penetrated the world with big dick energy that was just humble and gracious enough that it left most things I encountered with a shroud of ""who's that guy! wow!"" mystery. I'm tough. Nothing can break my frame. I know who I am. I know what I want. I know who I will become. As I continued to walk through the world this way, the hardness and reality of it made me.... harder. I become more erect. It was a force multiplier that every encounter I had with my woman or world made me harder and harder to a point of getting the best results of any man I know. I had fucked my way through the world with a wet dick and a grinning smile only to discover that it was unhealthy. I began to contemplate that perhaps I'd gone too far off in one direction and just found myself in the other ditch. I wasn't afraid of being ""beta"" or ""too much alpha"", those terms just don't resonate with me anymore or the associated behaviors. I wasn't afraid of making changes either. I just didn't know what to do. No one could help me. Hence, I dove deeper into the ""you're a man and it's OK to be lonely"" mindset. I had been feeling a long time that my connection with my wife lacked something of... substance. Sure - the sex was awesome, I had the best wife in the world, and that was awesome. I was attracted to her a lot. But I wasn't happy with her. I wasn't delusional either. And as I traded notes with other men outside of MRP in our super secret smart dudes server, **I discovered that guys like** /u/red-sfpplus **and** /u/tyred_biggums **, or** /u/bobbyperu **or even** /u/threekindsoflucky **were experiencing the same thing I was.** We were all profoundly successful men. We fucked our wives. Dread was at astronomical levels naturally and we had to learn how to provide duty-sex to our own wives. Yes, dudes, the tables turn on the other side after years of sustainable actions of not sucking. Yes, you have to duty-fuck your wife in our worlds. Sounds backasswards, but that's what happens when you're the prize. Nowadays we trade notes on how to manage dread levels DOWN instead of up like the 'tards that arrive here. Imagine that? But we all had the same problem. We didn't really know what we were all missing. So, I went on a mission and like everything here at MRP - *I tried doing something new to see some different results.* &#x200B; # The Girlfriend discovery I'm not a guy who fucks other women for fun. It's just not in my DNA. But the idea of a girlfriend was hitting me hard - maybe that was the missing puzzle piece? I had led my woman to become a nympho who desired to please me in all ways, yet something was awry. I was told by other vets that ""yeah man, that new love energy isn't always there - just look at me. I don't have it either"". These were men that I trusted. Men that were men. Men that bent the rules of the bluepill world at their leisure effortlessly to get what they wanted. But, I wanted better. What I came to discover through trying different things is that I didn't need a girlfriend. I wanted my wife to be my girlfriend. A woman who'd just be up all in my shit all the time kissing, hugging, saying I love you, being cute, and giving me that ***young feminine energy***. THAT is what I desired deep within myself, but yet I'd made a fatal miscalculation. I thought that by polarizing things further, I might discover that young feminine energy in her... maybe not... and I had resigned myself to the fact that she just wasn't that girl for me. I was contemplating hitting the nuke button heavily. So like I said - I tried new things. And in that mess of things I discovered what I'd done wrong. I wasn't vulnerable enough with my wife. Maybe because she knew all my dark secrets and thoughts somewhere in my subconscious after years of unfucking myself and re-training my brain I'd forgotten that being *hard* could be taken too far. The harder I got, the better the sex was. Always. Because fuck, it's about sexual strategy right? I didn't apply that stuff to my new actions. I was open. Just a ""this is me, warts and all"" approach and... I found that I hadn't been like that with my wife in 5+ years. **My wife rarely kissed me.** I lied to myself and said I didn't need it. But locked inside the frame of the frame I had - that was a lie. I did need that. This attractive man with options who had many... needed intimacy. # Intimacy As /u/man_in_the_world wrote once - [good sex requires emotion](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/a9pxnh/good_sex_requires_emotion/). While that post didn't apply to my situation, because it's for guys that don't understand how to incorporate emotion into sex (which I became an absolute master at over the years) - it is an extension of that post. Last night I laid in bed as my wife came in her Nadu position fully naked and I realized... back to basics. I asked her to lay down with me and said no more words. For 30 solid minutes, I just looked into her eyes. I didn't look away. She closed hers, she looked away, I stroked her jaw and her hair and just kept looking into her eyes. Every time she returned to my own eyes, I was there. [I communicated without words.](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/hmgdcg/how_i_communicate_now_without_words/) I said through my eyes only what I wanted. I begged it out of her. I wanted a girlfriend. Not just a lover. Not a wife. I wanted better. And then she began to cry. And I did too. I realized that I hadn't looked at my wife like this in a very long time. I don't know the last time. I became too hardened to the world that I actually never thought of it. In fact, everytime I'd tried to be ""sweet and nice"" to her, the sex sucked. So maybe internally I'd resigned myself to the fact that I couldn't be this way anymore for my own sexual fulfillment. I could be this way, sure! I liked it. But I also knew it didn't lead to good sex. After a bit of tears going, I asked her ""***what do you need*****?**"" This is an odd question for me to ask her as I'm her Dom - who is supposed to be intune to her needs at all times. Her genuine response, as I'd trained her to body and mind to naturally want through re-programming over the years was ""please make love to me"". I said no, that's not what you need. ""I need you to fuck me"" was her next answer. She wasn't lying and by this time my entire leg was soaked from her snatch and she genuinely, truly, desired sex. But I said, ""No, that's not what you need."" I looked at her more, silently. Maybe another 10 minutes passed. Then something happened. She kissed me. The best she ever has. The best I've ever had. Deep tongue, passionately with the most genuine history of desire. This was something that no girlfriend could ever come close to giving me. I realized what I'd done. I'd become so hard to the world that I hadn't left the hole in my frame that only she could enter, look around, and see the inside of me. Maybe a long time ago I was fearful that she'd find vulnerability there that she'd exploit like all women do. I was tired of that behavior after years before MRP. So, I built a wall around those things and she molded to the container provided. I believe why I was able to explore this is that I didn't suck and [I knew exactly who I was](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/km5m65/found_mrp_you_do_you_or_why_you_dont_have_frame/) after years of self-actualization and hard work. That doesn't exactly appear to be a common thing the new guys here want after years of work. They have no idea who they are and so they wall up and change shitty behaviors that were *needy* before and then call that ""frame"". That's not frame. That's a lie you're telling yourself to *build frame.* I haven't been ""building frame"" for years. It's either something you have, or something you don't. **For me, I didn't like my frame, yet it checked all the boxes of producing my known desired outcomes.** As WISNIFG notes - you always reserve the right to change your mind. \------ I didn't have sex with her that night. I was enjoying this all too much instead. She kept saying how much she's missed this, how much she wants all the time to kiss me but doesn't, how much she has craved touching me all the time and being near me, but doesn't. And when I asked her why she didn't do those things anyways? ""I was afraid you didn't want them anymore."" She. Was. Afraid. And so was I, somewhere, considering that [she is but a mirror of me and one of my greatest creations](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/c2l5dt/your_woman_is_one_of_your_greatest_creations/). \------ I think this cycle all started years ago when I knew: \- I had options because I was a man of value and I was willing to exercise those options, which caused genuine passive dread. \- She saw me as a strong masculine man, unwavering, impenetrable, solid, stoic. Yet I was giving, caring, and willing to make all the hard decisions and work to get them done. \- My woman, feeling this natural order of things, wouldn't dare do anything to fuckup her position with me, and although felt like I chose her every day, didn't think ""men"" wanted this as I polarized the relationship further and further. \----- So I close with this my dudes: **The ultimate endgame of MRP is to fully understand who you are, what you're capable of, what women are, and how they work - but then taking all of that knowledge and being OK with loving your woman and risking getting hurt.** (Thanks /u/threekindsoflucky) There's a lot of risk in that for men with no frame. But for men who meet the prerequisites, it's required. This brings us right back to Iron Rule #1: Frame is everything. I will be and am more centered and happy like this. It's always been the one thing lacking in my life: balance. All of these discoveries have changed me a bit, but it's for the better. If there's one thing that remains true though: She still needs a Daddy. Strength, motherfuckers.",,126,HornsOfApathy,2023-03-08 21:28:04 marriedredpill,11ktm8s,"Own Your Shit Weekly - March 07, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,19,AutoModerator,2023-03-07 08:30:10 marriedredpill,11e0xli,"Own Your Shit Weekly - February 28, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,20,AutoModerator,2023-02-28 08:30:10 marriedredpill,117yhws,"Own Your Shit Weekly - February 21, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,14,AutoModerator,2023-02-21 08:30:11 marriedredpill,111xpv8,"Own Your Shit Weekly - February 14, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,16,AutoModerator,2023-02-14 08:30:10 marriedredpill,10yx2eh,Hero Worship (or why you still don't have Frame),"We all fall victim to it in the beginning. It’s easy, we see guys in the manosphere like [insert your favorite red pill guy]. They: Lift the weights we wish we could lift Fuck the women we wish we could fuck Make the money we wish we made Have the family and friends we fail to maintain Get the respect we wish we deserved Do all the things we dream about doing They're still great examples we can learn from, but I don't have them on a pedestal anymore. After I abandoned my ""Happy Wife, Happy Problem Free Life"" Nice Guy Disney Fantasy, I became trapped by a new Red Pill Fantasy. The covert contract I held in my mind was: *“My Heroes are happy and get what they want. They follow Red Pill doctrine. If I follow it I'll be happy too.”* I wasn't expecting a problem free life anymore, just to always have the ready-made Red Pill answers to life's problems. Bullshit. That apple is rotten to the core. I was pretending to be my Heroes, while borrowing MRP's Frame like a crutch to keep limping along. In the beginning, many of us are so fucked in the head we need that crutch to stand up on our weak little chicken legs. Going through the motions of method acting The Amazing Red Pill Man to get some success, copying those who trailblazed before us. But once we know the tricks and have the knowledge, once we can write down the answer on a test, method acting stops having value. When real problems arise that don't follow the script, we go back to the same bad habits we all had before finding the Red Pill. Reality is that there is a good chance neither you nor I will ever get to our Hero's level. I’m okay with that. That acceptance and the ability to grow past it only came recently. I've come to terms with how far past my edge I'm willing to live to get what I want out of life. I found this out by doing things off script - taking action over and over for years and observing myself through the process. That's where growth and Frame development happen. The only way to get past your failing mental models and gain any real lasting value from this place is to apply it - something that requires you to stop LARPing the ideas you've memorized and start adapting them to your own life and desires. You will never be those guys you jerk off to in your OYS posts. You can’t wear their skin or screw their wives. Your only real chance at salvation from the mess of your life is to accept who you are and work with that guy's strengths, and his weaknesses. I will continue to make slow progress in all areas of my life. I'm proud of what I've done so far, and I'll continue to do things that bring me that satisfaction. I no longer need to hold these other men up as a mirror to reflect my shortcomings or measure my success. You can't use MRP's Frame forever, because it's not authentic and it shows. Borrow it to get yourself on your feet, use it to take your first few steps, then put the crutch down and start walking on your own chosen path. *Credit to u/Praexology for post collaboration*",,65,AlohaMaui808,2023-02-10 17:03:26 marriedredpill,10vwtrh,"Own Your Shit Weekly - February 07, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,15,AutoModerator,2023-02-07 08:30:10 marriedredpill,10psxtg,"Own Your Shit Weekly - January 31, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,19,AutoModerator,2023-01-31 08:30:09 marriedredpill,10ook2e,When you Almost Die and Have Significant Medical Setbacks - Lessons,"**Background** Back in July, I had a simple surgery for a gallbladder removal. Little did I know that this would turn into a 6+ month ordeal. The surgeon made a mistake – he clipped the wrong bile duct. This led to the inability of the body to drain any bile from the liver causing severe issues. I was in severe pain, turned yellow (jaundice), had very bad liver labs spending a week in the hospital. Then I required an external biliary drain for 3 months, couldn’t lift more than 15 lbs, got an infection, spent another 5 days in the hospital, and then had countless procedures to adjust the drain over those 3 months. I finally received the ‘fix it’ surgery in early November which led to another week in the hospital. This has given me a nice 8.5” scar. Then to top it all off, *that* incision was infected and required to be re-cut open in a 2” and 1” spot in December. The final level of this… adventure… was weaning off opiods after requiring them since July to be able to semi-function normally. But I did it, I won. **Putting Ego Aside** I am a shitty patient. My (now) wife who is an RN with a Master’s in Nursing told me something was wrong early. I didn’t listen. When I turned yellow – I still fought it as ‘normal’ and not needing to go to the hospital. Thankfully, she took it upon herself to call the doctor who told her to get me the fuck (my words) to the ER ASAP. Then I attempted to convince her that I could drive myself. How much easier – and potentially less impactful – it would have been to admit something was wrong, stop fighting the pain and get my ass to the ER a day earlier. The second instance of stupidity was laying in the hospital at some ungodly dark hour in intensive pain. I was determined not to hit the call button thinking “I can fight through this, I don’t need meds”. I eventually realized how stupid this process was, pushed the button and got pain medicine. It was idiotic to not hit the button for hours because my ego told me not to be “weak” and instead I just laid in pain for more time than needed. The third instance of stupidity was getting released from the hospital and a few days (not even a week) later a tree fell from a storm in the yard. Pfft – easy shit, I lifted the tree off the bushes it was crushing, cut that motherfucker up into pieces and carried it to the woods. Two days later I was back in the hospital where the external drain got pulled out 1” and now there was an infection. This led to me to believing the doctor and restrictions placed on me. No lifting more than 15 lbs from here out. I’m sure there was other instances where my ego got the best of me, but those first two weeks, I refused to accept what I needed to – I was in bad shape and this was going to take awhile to recover. Refusal to accept reality is a big part of your ego fighting the true nature of your circumstances. I didn’t want to be seen as “weak” or “vulnerable” or “less than”. But let’s be honest – I was. I was in bad bad shape. **Negative Thoughts and Frame** Throughout the ordeal, staying positive was… difficult. Stoicism was extremely helpful. Re-reading *Meditations* frequently helped. However, there were some dark days. Where the pain, the uselessness, the weakness did get to me. My outlet was to vent to friends or family – never my wife. But she knew (they always know). It was important to focus on what I *could* do and not what I *couldn’t.* I still could work, I could still lead the family, I could still manage finances, I could still do some hobbies that didn’t require a lot of physical effort. At the end though (late October), I couldn’t do much. I was needing to be in bed most of the day and I could barely work. It was tough to be positive. I took a new mental tactic and just worked to survive until the next day. No expectations on myself except make it until tomorrow. **Not Being a Victim** Despite, this medical… incident happening, I rarely felt like a victim. The situation was what it was – I couldn’t magically fix it. I would have to survive through it, and I told myself I’d have a great story tell (I do). The biggest challenge was in talking to others who knew the situation (mainly my wife and mother). These people were pissed at the original surgeon and the situation. Not feeding their emotions and just continuing to live life to the best of my ability was the answer. It is vital to look at circumstances in terms of what you can and can’t control. Their emotions were theirs – it would have been easy to get into a victim mentality, but focusing on not being a victim, being as strong as possible – being the oak helped not only myself – but those around me. **The Importance of Lifting** I could not lift for months. This was tough. Maybe the toughest part. My main outlet of negative emotions was lifting and now this was removed from my life. Too much time stuck in bed with nothing but my thoughts reinforced my belief that lifting is a critical component of any man’s life. As soon as my doctor told me to lift again – starting at very low weights (which is still better than half of the OYS which is.. sad) I did. That day – I was back with weights testing myself. **Embracing the Challenge** Mentally – it was all about one challenge after another. First the error, then the hospital stays, then the pain, then the recovery, then the setbacks, and finally the opioid addiction. All were challenges. All I could have succumbed to. I didn’t – I beat them. And I’m a better man for it. In life when facing a challenge, we can either overcome it or let it beat us. I won. Every challenge, I won. At times it was two steps forward and one back, but I won. **In Summary** MRP gave the tools not only to 1) get the sex I want 2) be comfortable with myself 3) find a woman who adds value to my life 4) allow me to be the fun, engaging person socially and 5) give no fucks about being who I truly am, but also to overcome this challenge. If this happened before MRP – I shudder to think of the outcome. I would have been a whiny bitch and allowed life to rule me versus me ruling life. The application and lessons here can be applied to shitty sex lives, bad marriages, being a fat fuck, whatever. They’re just… challenges to overcome. One by one, set goals, and achieve them. Some of you know me – I’ve been through some shit in life. That’s ok – I wouldn’t have had it differently, because all those challenges, all that shit – that’s what makes me who I am. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. Thank you to /u/hornsofapathy /u/red-sfpplus /u/inchargeman /u/bobbyperu for putting the 'dark times' in perspective.",,56,Tyred_Biggums,2023-01-30 01:12:26 marriedredpill,10k0w5z,"Own Your Shit Weekly - January 24, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,27,AutoModerator,2023-01-24 08:30:10 marriedredpill,10e73mj,"Own Your Shit Weekly - January 17, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,13,AutoModerator,2023-01-17 08:30:11 marriedredpill,10d82kt,Just want to say thanks.,"You fucks can’t do what I’ve done. You can’t do what I do. I hated myself when I peaked into this sub. I needed everything contained here. Don’t need to check in for measurement. Every time I miss a workout, I think about this sub. Every time I start to feel small, I remember this sub. Every time I doubt myself, I check my perspective against my goals, and then I think about this sub. Stronger, better, from your own perspective is living within your own frame. I’m not in this world with you. You’re in this world with me. Good luck, fuckers. Also, oyster caves and mushroom caps to all of you gentlemen and aspiring not quite men who need a push. You’re a weak, uninspired, spineless douche, until you realize that you aren’t. And then… no one can tell you shit. Keep growing. My pact with you, is that I won’t stop. Neither should you.",,41,Jack_Wraith,2023-01-16 07:15:11 marriedredpill,10cop4e,"Me, myself and I","Women are out to fuck me. Society is out to fuck me. My boss is out to fuck me. Why is the game stacked against me? It is so hard for me. Why is no one there for me? Someone give me the cheat codes. ___________ The only competition is myself. Focus on myself. Do not trip myself up. No giving up on myself. Only trust myself. ______________ I like myself. I apply the pressure to myself. I see myself as the best. I need no one but myself. I will test myself. I will conquer myself. I will build a legacy, for myself.",,40,red-sfpplus,2023-01-15 16:59:31 marriedredpill,1084qb6,"Own Your Shit Weekly - January 10, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,13,AutoModerator,2023-01-10 08:30:09 marriedredpill,1022kgf,"Own Your Shit Weekly - January 03, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,24,AutoModerator,2023-01-03 08:30:09 marriedredpill,zwatli,"Own Your Shit Weekly - December 27, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,14,AutoModerator,2022-12-27 08:30:11 marriedredpill,zqj0ya,"Own Your Shit Weekly - December 20, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,10,AutoModerator,2022-12-20 08:30:11 marriedredpill,zkqpqt,"Own Your Shit Weekly - December 13, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,14,AutoModerator,2022-12-13 08:30:09 marriedredpill,zdlia2,A Man Walks Up To An Empty Fridge,"A man comes home from work one day. He's hungry. Not just ""I could eat something"" hungry, but ""I'd eat the fucking hind legs of a donkey"" hungry. He goes straight to the fridge. Fucking thing is empty. Shit. His mind races, but he doesn't panic. Where's the nearest place he can get some food? It comes to him.. bingo.. hops back in the car, goes and gets some food. Job done. On the way home, he stops at the supermarket and stocks up on food to fill the fridge. Then he goes about his evening contentedly with a full belly. &#x200B; His neighbour comes home from work the same day. He's hungry. Not just ""I could eat something"" hungry, but ""I'd eat the fucking hind legs of a cow"" hungry. He goes straight to the fridge. Fucking thing is empty. Shit. He slams the fridge door shut. Screams at it because it has no food for him. He opens up his laptop. Looks up pictures of food. Burgers, steaks, pizzas. Drools all over himself and the keyboard. He's fucking ravenous, but there's no food in the fucking fridge, so he goes hungry. Same thing happens next day because he still hasn't done any shopping. And the next and the next. He grows resentful of the fridge. Stops looking at it because it just reminds him of what he doesn't have. And all he can think about is food. Eventually, he dies from starvation.",,184,[deleted],2022-12-05 22:05:43 marriedredpill,ze0ix4,"Own Your Shit Weekly - December 06, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,11,AutoModerator,2022-12-06 08:30:09 marriedredpill,zdj9pa,Nah This Stays,"An [example](https://www.unddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/zdgskt/engagement_immediate_shit_testsboundary_testing/) of a noteworthy slip in leadership and perspective with [a few valuable comments](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/zdgskt/engagement_immediate_shit_testsboundary_testing/). Gentlemen the core of this place is notes and FR. The gold is almost always in the comments where a different perspective or flaw is presented. Men aren't built with attaboys. Theyre forged in challenge and adversity. Most of the world is trying to get you to believe they're holding your hand. When in reality they're just guiding you to the barrel they're going to fuck you over. While this place is an honest slap in the face. But at least there's a value trade happening. You get paid when we're done fucking you.",,41,[deleted],2022-12-05 20:52:16 marriedredpill,zax5ro,The Second Anger Phase,"**Precursor to The Current Dude:** There's a common pattern for some men who've made their way here in their various levels of sucking, but actually stayed at it: They find MRP after living on porn, jacking off in the corner and scrolling around looking for some answers as to why his woman, who at one point in time, was all over him like there was no tomorrow, now barely looks at or touches him and only participates in an obligatory session once every week or two. Somehow he finds this little corner on the web and reads Steel's intro. He reads a couple weeks worth of OYS's and he's reading things that are only in his fantasy world of masturbation. Women actually putting in sexual effort for their men. Women actually thanking their men after sex. 'These men must be lucky to not get a broken one like I did' he thinks. Then he reads MITW's Validation Needs, then he finds Horns Depressive and Anxious Wives. He wonders, is this really a me issue? He starts using his eyes for the first time and gets angry. Very angry. But, he sees a path, puts down his lube and decides to do this because his sex life sucks and maybe there's something to this. You know the story, he gets a gym membership, shuts his mouth, shores up his mental models, rids his life of covert contracts (mostly) and is generally becoming a little more awesome...and confident...and usually social...and then goes out playing catch and release... **The current dude:** He's generally about 3 to 6 months in depending on his level of previous suck. He has ten or more years behind him of failing himself and his woman. He used to be socially anxious, afraid of his wife and women in general. He used to be nice so the world would be nice to him. But now, he's owning his shit. He's going out, he's more confident, having fun, playing catch and release and even with some rejections, he starts to see how easy this is. The IOI's show up from other women and it strokes that ego that hasn't been fully shed yet. His woman is back at home somewhere in limbo. Confused maybe, pissed maybe, not trusting his change maybe, who knows but the years of him sucking and failing haven't made their way out of her yet. Call it what you want, 1000 ft rope or whatever. Either way, she hasn't caught up... or cares. So, from his (reactive) perspective what does this look like to him? *A woman who still isn't pulling out the sexual arsenal like he thinks she should and how he wants.* **The second Anger Phase:** Now, that blinding ego that used to tell him how awesome he was when he sucked is in overdrive on the other side telling him just how awesome he actually is now and that his woman should be pulling out the arsenal and worshipping his cock like the other guys wives he reads about. Hey, after all this work, he deserves it. Enter a new infusion of shortcut thinking. He starts to wonder what life would be like without his wife, how easily he could mold a new woman from scratch, how easy it would be to sleep with other women because he has learned OI and IDGAF and now sex is no longer about validation (right?). He could easily sleep with a woman that would crawl across the floor and over broken glass...He is getting impatient, frustrated, reacting and entertaining the short 'n easy game... **The Future Dude:** He is an option. Remember the Previous Dude? He's nothing like the Current Dude. The Future Dude will be different than the Current Dude. Your new mental models have not caught up to you if you can't recognize this covert contract. I'm moralizing, right? Nope. Do as you wish because you'll ultimately be OK, and it's actually entertaining for us when you play the short 'n easy game. If you think this is about not cheating, you're missing the point. It's about recognizing your ego, not reacting, persistence, patience, forward thinking and figuring out what you want during this second anger phase. You know, becoming a man. This is probably the final large covert contract you're going to face. I remember that space, it was real. It was hard to think straight sometimes. I easily could've blown the whole thing up because ""I deserved better after all this work!"" I could've and I would've been fine. This is a great time to drive, with action, the sex life you want. In the spirit of trading notes, for those of you that find yourself deep in the second anger phase **and you are really unsure of what you want**, that future dude is an option. You can put that call on him until you, your new mental models and vision are at least more clear and congruent. Shed your fear and create the sex life you want and have fun. Internalize 'Good sex is your responsibility.' Be a man who fucks. See if time allows your awesomeness and her response to you catch up with each other. Maybe it won't, who knows? How long do you give it? Your call - time does have it's limits. But you may be surprised at what you find after this phase. I was - still am. That current dude is either here now, will be here soon, or you remember him. This second anger phase will probably be the last large covert contract that dude will kill.",,71,[deleted],2022-12-02 20:48:43 marriedredpill,zb5yz1,No one is hypergamy proof,"No way, no no not me, I know this bitch. You do not know her that well. She is not there for good. Your life may turn around anytime even if you think you are sure you are bad ass. I’m 43 years old 6HB, I have an 8 years old daughter from previous marriage, 2 meters tall, 100kg looking good, lawyer, I don’t lift - used to a lot, I am strong, 1000 testosterone levels. She has the same age as me, no kids, never been married, 8HB at least on a bad day. High sex drive on both of us, submissive girl, we both earn a lot of money on a monthly basis. In 2017 I faced a divorce and was suffering. One month later this bitch came and licked my wounds. I knew her: she used to be the most desirable girl in my class and school when we were 15 years old. We used to study together: me the ugliest guy in school and she the sex symbol. She was smart, intelligent, polite and had an out of this world ass. I won. After a nasty divorce I was fucking this godddes. So back in 2017 she all the way jumped in my boat. She accepted and took care of my daughter; fucked my brains out; helped me a lot heal from the divorce. I asked her to be my girlfriend and live with me. She accepted and 5 years have passed. The 5 years mark hurted. She wanted to marry and have kids, I didn’t. Life was good. Let’s keep what is good. She wanted to marry, not only marry but a Hollywood style marriage party that I had to pay fully, since I’ve paid my former wife marriage. I refused. Let’s marry without a party, no way she said, that’s my dream. I didn’t comply. She is 43 now and want a kid. I don’t. That’s my dream she said, who will take care of me when I get old? No way, I’ve used fucking condoms since the start, kept them. Red flags all over the place. Her family, who used to love me, now give me weird looks. She doesn’t want to go out with me and my daughter anymore. She sleeps a lot. She doesn’t want to hang out with my side if the family anymore. You know, my daughter is 8 and want grandma. She doesn’t step a foot in my mother’s house for 6 months. Sex, however was never an issue. We are talking about a sex star here. She does whatever I want whenever I want. Until some soft no begins and she gives me starfish sex after pressure. Total awesome blowjobs never stoped and thats my kinky. So here is the shit: my sister is divorcing. My girl takes 100% her husband side. She insults my sister. She blames my sister and that’s why our relationship is ending. I’m my sister and my nephew lawyer, I get alimony for him and his father is mad that he has to pay that much; he is out of his mind, just like my girl. My girl say let’s do this, It will be good, 2 steps down, 1 step up she said. This is her ultimatum: - we will live on separate houses; - she will not go on my parents house; - she will not talk to my sister anymore; - she will not spend Christmas with me. No way. I refuse. That’s bizarre and insane and intolerable. If that’s it, then it’s over. She accepts. She holds her argument. She moves out to an apartment. I love you but I will leave. That’s ILYBINILWY. She takes her fair side of things. I pay her for somethings she bought and I wanted to keep. She messages that she wants one final night with me, we fuck and she starts again the “your sister is wrong” nonsense. I tell stop or leave, she says she won’t leave, I say I will and she stops. It sucked. From life is good to separation it took 2 months. My daughter idolized this girl, she was always there and now she is gone. No looking back from my girl. My daughter cried for 2 hours straight and is suffering a lot. My girl went full ghost on me and I did the same. End. TLDR: don’t take anything as granted with a LTR. Your life may change overnight.",,13,BrazilRedPill,2022-12-03 03:03:37 marriedredpill,z8x7ux,Hypertrophy is King,"A question I had initially when starting lifting was about the relationship between hypertrophy and strength. They are interconnected, but how do concepts of muscle mass relate to strength. Well the more mass you have the more ability to generate greater force, but strength as measured by 1 Rep max is a skill. Sure the size of your muscle influences it, but there are many other drivers as well including neuromuscular adaptions. All that is to say, is strength work is specific to strength work. Why does that matter, because for purposes of this forum putting on muscle mass and exposing it by getting lean are really all that matter for attraction. Chicks have initiated contact and complemented me on my physique, but none have ever asked me what my one rep max is on any lift, only dudes have. 3 principals that have served me well towards hypertrophy 1-Intensity- taking the working sets I do as close to failure as I can 2-Doing as much of that hard work as I can 3-Allowing myself to recovery as needed to continue getting better and doing more work (Any of the dials weight, training density, reps, # of sets) over time Some practical takeaways and notes of things that have helped me Form matters most to powerlifters and Olympic lifters. People in weight restricted classes who have to move the most amount of weight as efficiently as possible. These individuals may be anatomically leveraged to be proficient at certain lifts. However, when it comes to hypertrophy we are not trying to arch our backs almost to rack to move the barbell only a few inches so we can push the most weight as possible. I’ve had great results at times altering form or using suboptimal form with poorer leverages to target certain muscles and achieve greater hypertrophy overall. Also, people have different body types, peoples hips joints literally can be forward facing or more rotated toward the side. People have different length of their bones leading to different sized legs, torsos, arms, and other body types that also can affect their leverages on lifts. Practice through doing has helped to me to learn the lifts and how they best suit my body. Over time I have developed a mind-muscle connection that has further cemented the effects lifts and their variations have on my body. If you goal is just get jacked you don’t need to do very specific strength work that can be taxing on your joints and increase your risk for injury. Reps in the 5-30 range taken close to failure are all you need. Don’t worry about perfection, pick a hypertrophy program and see what works for you and what doesn’t. Play around with different lifts. See what intensity techniques are helpful for you (AMRAPs, drop sets, myoreps, supersets, giant sets, ect…) If you spend forever trying to maximize efficiency, find the ideal program, or perfect form on a lift your opportunity cost will always be any growth missed on searching for an idealized version of program that doesn’t exist.",,57,[deleted],2022-11-30 17:21:45 marriedredpill,z7nzg3,"Own Your Shit Weekly - November 29, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,17,AutoModerator,2022-11-29 08:30:10 marriedredpill,z3df30,AWALT,"AWALT What does this mean? Most of us know that it means All Women Are Like That, but all too often we all assume we are in the same page with what that actually means or implies. AWALT means that there are certain scenarios and ways of thinking where women behave basically the same… **all** women. **WITHOUT EXCEPTION** - It doesn’t mean that almost all women are like that except the one snowflake you found. It also doesn’t mean that all women act the same way in every situation. It just means all women act basically the same in certain situations. **Think of it like a continuum** **For each AWALT, every woman will fall somewhere on the continuum.** On a scale of 1-10, some women will be a 10 for that behavior, meaning they have an extremely strong propensity towards that particular AWALT. Another woman might be a level 5 for example. But, on true AWALT behaviors, ALL women will be 5 or greater. Of course, in practice, there can be a big difference between a 5 and a 10 on the continuum. Hypergamy is an example of an AWALT. All women are hypergamous. A women who is a 10 in hypergamy will basically always be looking to upgrade and will take those opportunities to upgrade whereas a woman who is a 5 on this trait won’t be so quick to act on that nature - reasons may vary. Solipsism is another example of an AWALT. sol·ip·sism: the view or theory that the self is all that can be known to exist. They are unconsciously solipsistic - in other words, they don’t think about it consciously, but they behave like it and think like with without knowing it. Have you ever been just sitting with a woman in silence, and suddenly she says something out loud about something she has been thinking about in her head? It makes no sense to you because you don’t know the context of her comment because before she said something out loud it only existed in her head and it was part of a long chain of thoughts in her head. This is an example of solipsism. She says it out loud assuming you will understand that thought, but you can’t because you don’t know the context. To her, since she is the only thing that exists, she assumes you are part of that world in her head. If a man is trying to get a woman who can fully love him the way he wants to be loved, he will always end up disappointed. She may fake like she can do it for quite some time, but eventually her solipsistic and hypergamous nature will be revealed. It’s not that she doesn’t care… she’s just incapable of fully appreciating a man and loving him the way he wants to be loved. AWALT Because of strong evolutionary experiences, she will always default to putting herself and kids first. So, evolution combined with solipsism prevents her from fully appreciating a man unless he is offering her something… it’s a what have you done for me lately type situation. It’s not bad or good. It just is. It’s AWALT Just like a dog is not bad for not acting like a cat. A dog is just a dog. It’s best that you as a man understands this in order for you to effectively deal with it. **At first glance** , AWALTS may appear very negative towards women, but they are not. They are realistic, and they are truthful. And they also have a positive side to them, depending on the context. Not that having a great relationship with a woman is the end goal, But in order to have a great relationship with a woman, a man needs to **not only understand the various AWALTS** like this, but he also needs to **ACCEPT** Them. Then, he needs to apply effective ways of dealing with AWALTs. Just saying, “oh well, it’s AWALT,” or just pointing an AWALT is **meaningless** and tends to make men bitter if they only focus on the negativity of an AWALT without going to the next step and figuring out ways to deal with AWALTs, and better yet capitalizing on the positive of those AWALTs. **Here is the good news** … you as a man almost always have an AMALT (all men are like that) that will naturally help you deal with any given AWALT. The problem the media, films, tv, society… etc are very effective at befuddling men and making them forget their AMALTs. So, instead, men often become prone to ONEitis and talking about deep feelings with women. The problem with talking about deep feelings with women is one of their AWALTs is they need a man they can look up to. If the man is constantly whining and talking about feelings, women view this as weakness in men. **Sorry, not sorry** - that’s just how it is, and the sooner you accept that and start talking about your feelings with men friends, the better off you are. The other thing to remember is ultimately women will encourage a man to talk about feelings as part of the betaization process. Ultimately they want the man to become domesticated but not too much. **However,** their nature is to continue testing the man , and if he fails to see he is being betaized, she will eventually become disgusted with him and lose attraction to him. This is the nature of the testing - through evolution she is subconsciously trained to make sure the man she is with will be strong enough to protect her, so the testing never ends. It’s a survival of the fittest mechanism for her to always be testing. **A strong man is mostly indifferent to shit testing** **The good news is if you become a strong man, you will easily pass such tests and avoid total betaization.** It is, in fact, a paradox… seemingly counterintuitive that in order to have a great relationship you need to accept AWALTS. But, at the end of the day, a quality man can take or leave a relationship with a woman, and the stay plan is the same as the go plan** **Coming to acceptance with the nature of women yet remaining bitter and resentful falls short of the ideal.** Many men are currently falling into this trap. The ideal is to move past acceptance to indifference, to DNGAF. Ironically, coming to indifference actually gives you the upper hand in a relationship. This doesn’t mean that you are indifferent towards the person you are with. You can still love them immensely. It just means you become unattached to the outcome and can be happy with whatever happens. **You become a man with a mission, and that mission is always number one to you.** It doesn’t mean you let her walk all over you or abuse you. It means that by understanding and accepting AWALTS you are able to deal with them much more effectively if you also understand your own nature as a man. But, at the same time, it needs to be stressed that **you always need to remain your own center of reference.** This is true frame. A woman should complement your life, not be on a pedestal. **THIS IS IMPORTANT** You are not doing all of this for a woman. Essentially, the fact women are like children because they get caught up in the emotion of the situation is also AWALT. We tend to present AWALTS on RP pages as negative, but it just as important to point out that there are also many positive AWALTS. In fact, almost every negative AWALT has a positive flip side. For example, In the case of women being like children because they can get caught up in the moment, women’s ability to fully feel things in the moment can be viewed as a positive in some ways and in some situations. For example, this trait can enable them to really let loose and have fun. Ever notice most women like to dance? Often, one of the biggest reasons is dancing is very expressive and enables them to get caught up in the joy of the moment. So, it can be seen that you can use the flip side of almost any AWALT to bring out the positive in women. **This doesn’t mean you become a dancing monkey,** always trying to please her. It means you’re just a quality man who understands the nature of women and can have fun with that knowledge while staying in your frame. **When you play with a dog, you can throw a stick and the dog might chase it and joyfully bring it back to you. If you try to play with a cat like it’s a dog, you most likely won’t get good results!** You will like some things about dogs’ nature, and not like other things. The **same is true with women.** We can learn a lot from women just as they can learn a lot from us, and in such learning you can make your life more enjoyable as well as hers. But, I stress that you don’t need it to live your best life. It just falls in place like that. Women tend to not be nearly as direct as men, AWALT, but if you pay attention they will tell you everything you need to know. The question is are you paying attention to the message. I see guys on here constantly listening to mouth noises instead of paying attention to women’s actions. **That is a big mistake that you will pay for** Again, this doesn’t mean you live to make her happy, because only she can do that… but it means you can use her nature and yours to make your lives better. **Or you can just choose to not have a woman in your life and still be happy.** Either way, you and only you are responsible for your own happiness. **At first glance, discussing AWALTs may appear very negative towards women** but it’s not. It’s realistic, and it’s truthful. It you put in the work, you will find effective ways of dealing with AWALTs. You will be able to deal with AWALTs appropriately without becoming resentful. One more time, it needs to be stressed that you always need to remain your own center of reference - this is true frame. A woman should complement your life, not be put on a pedestal **Two more things** * If you think you found a snowflake, and you are early into the relationship (first year or two), always remember that she is on her best behavior trying to land you. All the the AWALTs will apply to her. Just because you don’t see them currently doesn’t mean she is exempt from AWALTs. It just means she’s on her best behavior trying to lock you in. * **and 2… listen up, this is vital….** You might even feel like this one is different because you feel like you can talk to her about your feelz. I have bad news for you, if you are talking about your feels with her, you are actually in stage 2 of the betaization process, where her goal is to get you to open up so that she can find ways where you can be useful to her later on. If you are always looking up to a woman, that means she will be looking down on you **How do you get there?** Mission Lift Sidebar STFU",,145,BobbyPeru,2022-11-24 07:21:17 marriedredpill,z1oetg,"Own Your Shit Weekly - November 22, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,14,AutoModerator,2022-11-22 08:30:08 marriedredpill,z1ei0h,No-one here owes you shit,"MRP is not a center of masculinity, nor brotherhood of courage. We are not your friends. No, we do not want to hang out with you in real life. No, we don't owe you advice. This is not a place of learning where you get a tailor made experience just for you. This isn't a forum for self improvement. We aren't your fellow 'brothers' who are there for you in your time of need. We aren't your fucking mentors. MRP is, and has always been about swapping notes. That's it. There's been an increase in threads from random people who come in with a dose of self entitlement. They've defined what MRP is, and if you don't agree with them, you're the asshole. The reminder here is that we don't owe you anything. This place is what you get. What you do with it is up to you. The exception is moderation - I care just enough about this place to ban people that seek to ruin it. I will ban with impunity anybody who thinks they deserve something from this place. And I will ban anybody who tries to provide advice or help people who are not adding value. If you want to be involved, post on OYS. Use the tools. See what happens. Write a field report where you implement one of the tools and reflect on its success or lack thereof. Everything else is pretty much a waste of time.",,43,threekindsoflucky,2022-11-21 23:54:18 marriedredpill,yvr11k,"Own Your Shit Weekly - November 15, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,15,AutoModerator,2022-11-15 08:30:10 marriedredpill,ypfn0r,"Own Your Shit Weekly - November 08, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,14,AutoModerator,2022-11-08 08:30:10 marriedredpill,ylkt2h,I take your she statements and turn them into I statements,"I re-instated Rule 9 for the week simply to illustrate that the way some of you write reflects your faulty mindsets. And unsurprisingly, the question back from most people banned was ‘how did I violate Rule 9, I thought I wrote from my own perspective!’. You didn’t. You don’t know how. As such, I’ve decided I’d provide examples on how to re-write ‘she’ statements to be from your own perspective. The purpose of this is not so you learn how to avoid Rule 9, but rather you learn how to initially write from your own perspective. Ideally, this will help you to ‘think’ from your own perspective. There’s another point here to be considered, but one this post won’t focus on. That is, why write about these things at all? Does this shit actually matter? Lastly, some of this shit I wouldn’t say, nor would I do. I’m not going to make comment on that here. That aside, here are the examples from this week. &nbsp; /u/tr-reborn >I'm sometimes confused if STFU is best in all situations. Although it's impressive that many times I STFU, when she apologizes she labels exactly what she did wrong (she knows all along?!) Sometimes I don't think she realizes, so I state calmly ""When this is done, this bothers me, I'd appreciate it if you...."". It seems it works, depending on how calm I say it. Although she definitely hamsters on it. I’ve been applying STFU to most situations, but I’m starting to think that there may be more nuance required. I mixed this up recently by saying exactly what I thought. I had some success with this, but noticed that my emotions in the moment impact on its effectiveness. &nbsp; /u/brad_jolley >This is not the first time this topic has come up, and she has made it abundantly clear that she will divorce me over it. It's important to me because it is one of the ways that I feel like she's my mommy. The predictable threats and posturing on her part were no surprise. She was pretty icy over the next few days. I think I did a good job of holding frame throughout. I periodically reached out to and flirted with her. I was willing to talk when she wanted to talk, and I stopped her or walked away when she was being disrespectful. I've had this conversation before. It went as expected, but I think I handled it better than I have in the past. I tried to be understanding, but also unwilling to tolerate disrespect. I see this as an improvement on my part. >We finally had a productive conversation where she was curious about what exactly I meant by ""look at porn"". It turns out that she had imagined that it covered a lot more (sexting someone else, strip shows, massages) than I intended. At this point she's ""still not OK with it"", but she's noticing I've been a much more loving husband and father lately, and she's really into my ""being manly"" thing. Honestly, this went a hell of a lot better than I expected. As a result of the conversation, I feel that there is a better understanding between us. While I may not have her approval, in the end I realized it's my choice to make. &nbsp; /u/athurfuckingred >Started implementing 123 Magic without my wife as per last weeks suggestions. My wife was not happy: ""There will be no counting in this house"". I told her: ""You don't have to be on board. I will do this my way and do not get into my way"". She mostly stayed out of my way so far, but is really not happy about it. I decided to implement 123 Magic by myself. >I keep enforcing boundaries and telling her ""No"" for basic requests like fetching her coffee, chocolate, or water. She started complaining that I am becoming an egomaniac and don't care about my family. I just shrug it off and she does not mention it again. Enforcing boundaries and denying basic requests has had some pushback. I’ve been shrugging it off and that seems to be working. >After last week's success in the bedroom, we are back to reality. I initiate in the evening (she is too tired). I initiate in the morning (she has to get up and prepare breakfast for the kids). She even mentions half-jokingly that last week's sex should have been enough for the month. The harsh reality: Last week was an ovulation session and I am basically where I started at 1-2 times per month aka a sexless marriage. Last week we had a lot of sex, but it has dropped off this week. I have been initiating consistently but have not had much success. I am back to the baseline of 1-2 times per month that I started at. >I was planning to do some yard work on my day off. In the morning (after I got shot down), she whispers in my ear: ""You know what would really get me horny? If you did the yard work today"" This leaves me in a bit of a dilemma: I wanted to do it and it needed to be done. But now she holds it out like chore play. Would appreciate an opinion on this one. For now, I told her simply no, but it needs to be done at some point in time. I was planning to do some yard work on my day off. The carrot of sex was dangled in front of me as motivation to do it today. I got confused and couldn’t decide the best way to proceed. What do? &nbsp; /u/Johnnyboy_10 I’ll note that this one wasn’t that bad and probably didn’t need a ban. > Understanding this ahead of time will help avoid initial defensiveness I've projected in the past - Wife has responded positively to my flirty/teasing attitude with her; seems she wants to mirror my actions, tends not to initiate this on her own - Slow social week, but a lot on the calendar this month. I’ve been more flirty/teasing than my baseline, and this seems to be going well. &nbsp; I was going to go into detail to explain the issue with each one, the proposed change, and what the difference is. I decided not to. Do some of the work yourself. It's not that hard to write from your own perspective. I won't be banning next week, so you guys are free to she it up again.",,46,threekindsoflucky,2022-11-04 01:14:10 marriedredpill,yj2z2k,"Own Your Shit Weekly - November 01, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,15,AutoModerator,2022-11-01 08:30:11 marriedredpill,ycsn0l,Most of you won't make it,"And that’s how it’s supposed to be. Most guys suck. That’s just how it is. What’s amusing about this observation is how incredibly easy it is to not suck. I sucked. I let myself get pushed around. I worried about other people’s feelings. I would take on other people’s burdens. I focused on sex, as if good sex would fill the emptiness in my life. I let other people influence how I feel. I walked on eggshells around my wife, terrified of upsetting her. I sat right in the middle of the bell-curve. Another average guy in a world of average guys. When I started diving into MRP, I knew I wanted to change. It wasn’t going to be fun, but I didn’t like the life I had set up for myself. I read a few of the sidebar books. Read the old posts. Consumed as much information as I possibly could. Then I started applying that information. Trying things out, seeing what happened and reporting on those results in OYS. I made changes. I set up habits that would help me succeed. I grinded it out for months. A year. Almost two years. Same thing every week. Try a new thing, see what happened, think about it, calibrate. Try something else, see the result, think about it. Re-try something with a different approach, see what happened. Think about it. Calibrate. When I was 6 months in, I was still caught up with dumb concepts like trying to exhibit ‘alpha’ behaviours. Thinking about what an ‘MRP’ guy would do in my situation. Trying to understand ‘frame’. Good ‘mindsets’. By mid-way through, I had a long list of actions that I knew would work for me to get the results I wanted. I took risks, I did things I was afraid of doing. And I dealt with the consequences. I dropped all the ‘red pill’ bullshit. I didn’t think about ‘alpha’ actions, ‘beta’ moves, or any of the other tropes that I saw guys in OYS get caught up with. I no longer cared what was in line with the current thinking on MRP. I knew what I wanted, how to get there, what I was willing to accept, and what the boundaries for me. I took what I needed and left the rest. There was nothing ‘fun’ about it. It was work. Life is work. That’s how it goes. It was dead simple though. I am not special. But I ‘got it’. But most of you will not. Why? Because actually committing to something, and doing the actual hard work, the thinking, is beyond most of you. Not because you can’t, but because you won’t. And that’s how it’s supposed to be. If everyone could do it, then the benchmark for men that ‘suck’ would change. It takes more than ‘wanting’ to change to actually change. Some guys will pay for coaching to try accelerate their progress, thinking that they won't have to do as much work. Wrong. The work is always there. If you’re wondering if you’re ever going to get it, or if you’re making progress, the answer is maybe, maybe not. If I had to wager a guess, I’d say no more than 5% of guys that show up here end up getting it. That’s your top 5%. Everyone else sits at the center of the bell-curve. Enjoy being average. Because that’s all most of you will be. And it doesn’t get more inspirational than that.",,135,threekindsoflucky,2022-10-25 01:41:30 marriedredpill,yczkxj,"Own Your Shit Weekly - October 25, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,13,AutoModerator,2022-10-25 08:30:11 marriedredpill,y711h3,"Own Your Shit Weekly - October 18, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,17,AutoModerator,2022-10-18 08:30:09 marriedredpill,y13knj,"Own Your Shit Weekly - October 11, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,14,AutoModerator,2022-10-11 08:30:10 marriedredpill,xv9if5,"Own Your Shit Weekly - October 04, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,11,AutoModerator,2022-10-04 08:30:11 marriedredpill,xpatcg,"Own Your Shit Weekly - September 27, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,12,AutoModerator,2022-09-27 08:30:10 marriedredpill,xowwa7,"About that wife who ""lost her mind""","UEMcGill (go armed forces and global destruction) - lol, a great man - he closed things down, and I don't remember which mod button to press to open this up... but what's happened here is simply another dude who's oblivious to the realities around him. ""Suicide watch"" - my specialty. **Background:** --------------- ***""Can somebody please tell me what's going on and how I, if possible, can get my wife back? I'm in love with her and absolutely confused and devastated by what's going on.""*** Sure, what's going on is that she no longer digs you. No big deal. Maybe she became interested in one of the other 4 billion - ~~~~million~~~~ ( jesus) dudes who are competing with you - many of whom are better than you - more attractive than you, less sensitive than you. *(That's a lot of billions scaredy-cat.)* -------------- It hurts, you say. Other people equate ""hurts"" with firing squad, torture, jail, deathbed: but your hurts are unique to you. That's the thing. You think you're so unique - as MRP has said forever - so special. -------------- Each day a thousand other idiots are born to believe how special they are, yet each (for years - I've been watching) is always unique in the same way - because of a woman. My woman this, my woman that. You stumble upon this hellhole because you define yourself through the lense by which a woman sees you. **That's called attachment disorder.** Appreciate why your behavior is not in your best behavior. Learn from it. You're not the only one - even though you're so special - consider what others have done.",,77,johneyapocalypse,2022-09-26 21:43:39 marriedredpill,xj35cp,"Own Your Shit Weekly - September 20, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,24,AutoModerator,2022-09-20 08:30:11 marriedredpill,xdgnrj,The Book I wish was on the sidebar.,"#####Marriedredpill won't last forever Honestly, I love this place, and have almost finished my second book. If you don't know, Fuccfiles was a book I wrote a year back, describing my old days of pick up and how I went from average frustrated sailor all the way to sleeping with women, eventually settling down with the woman I'm still with today after 13 years. The professor has also written a book on Dread Game, or the process of teaching a man to stop being taken for granted in a sexless relationship. I read it and it's the best we have so far, but it's far from what I wanted. Many of the older guys in these forums have been through the meat grinder and can talk about that more. So as a second book I was aiming at writing a better description of Dread Game, with help from a decade in this forum and more guys than I can name. Concepts that have been here for years: * The tetrahedron of Frame * What we mean when we talk about Dread: the Scoreboard * Passive Dread * Active Dread * The problems that men have (1000 foot tow rope, chiuldren with dynamite, catch and release, demoting wife to plate) Some stuff from Jacktenofhearts, some stuff from UltmateCAD, UeMcgill, Steelsharpenssteel, bluepillprofessor, whinemoreplease, bogeyd6, strategos, Archwinger, Whisper, countpoodyoola, ford_contour, alphabeta79, alphaasWorf, iamstevemcqueen and a hundred more. As I got near the end of Dread I found out there is a real chance that this stuff is disappearing. It's getting harder and harder to find all this stuff. So the Book has expanded scope, and is now more like a codification of the Married Red Pill. e.g. * Why Father Knows Best is better than the Captain First Officer dynamic * Why Overt Dread is counter productive * Why Frame is so hard to describe but easy to see? * What is the Main event and how do you pass it? [If you're curious I'd ask you to subscribe and I'll be emailing out excerpts for a few more months as I finish off the editing](https://www.rianstone.com/newsletter) so you can follow it along yourself. #####Is this place better or worse than it used to be? I know there's some rumblings about whether the new crop of men are better than the old crop. I can't say, you're more than welcome to opine though. I do know that almost no one who has been here for less than 2 years know who vampiresquidina is, or why she's important, or what you can learn from sepean and the amount of shit he got for holding Frame against a world angry that he didn't go back to a life of sexless desperation. Why UltmateCAD showed how sometimes you can be the worst human being in the world and thats exactly what your wife wanted from you in the first place. Why AlphaAsWold is a cautionary story for guys who can't calibrate. The beter beta divorce guide is on the sidebar, but there'sa hundred more guides like it that are just ... gone. I have a hundred different examples and they are all fading away. Should all go as planned, it will be a new book on the sidebar that will have EVERYTHING that men have learned in this forum over a decade, and endure after Reddit Decides to actually ban Red Pill, instead of just quarantining and banning all the members from random subreddits. so I guess I'll end this with ... thanks. I've always said this place is a take a penny, leave a penny type space. I think I'll consider myself square after this.",,125,RStonePT,2022-09-13 19:46:23 marriedredpill,xd1zq9,"Own Your Shit Weekly - September 13, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,15,AutoModerator,2022-09-13 08:30:08 marriedredpill,x753wi,"Own Your Shit Weekly - September 06, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,18,AutoModerator,2022-09-06 08:30:09 marriedredpill,x5ury2,"FR: The Importance of a Masculine Frame and, as a backup, STFU","Quick field report on a fundamental but often overlooked point. &#x200B; ***Field Report*** I've got kids including a daughter in high school. She was having a conversation with my wife the other day around the homecoming dance and who is taking who. She mentioned a certain kid that's her age (freshman) and the conversation took an interesting turn. Our families are friends so I know this kid. He is well over 6' and a beast in multiple sports. He's active in the local church and has all the makings of being ""the guy"" for his grade in our smallish town. My daughter was talking about him though like she hoped he didn't ask her to the dance. I asked her why because I thought he was her type... she's almost 5'10 and athletic so she goes after the taller athletes. My daughter said he was ""too much drama."" I had other shit to do so I dropped it and moved on. I asked my wife about it later and she said the boy texts all the girls non-stop but in an emotionally needy, overbearing way. He's too sensitive and constantly plays the ""I'm a nice guy who is open about my feelings"" card and complains that no girl wants him. I reflected on this and decided to share it here. This kid is good-looking, probably 6'3 or 4, will dominate in multiple sports, and is completely striking out with girls who would normally be all over him. Dating in HS should be easy mode for him yet he can't get past the tutorial. Why? &#x200B; Because he is emotionally feminine and needy. Worse, he reveals it via his constant communication. &#x200B; ***Takeaway & Application*** Oldtimers on here say ""be attractive, don't be unattractive"" and ""STFU, sidebar, and lift"" all the time. Yet noobs don't seem to get that the ""STFU"" and ""don't be unattractive"" parts are just as important as the other parts such as ""be attractive"" and ""lift."" Maybe more. You can be the most attractive dude in the world but if you come across like a little bitch to a woman, she will lose interest rapidly. Easy example: Will Smith. Women are fundamentally different from men. Their attraction patterns are similar but not the exact same. A key difference is that if you don't have a masculine frame, your physical attributes won't be enough to overcome her repulsion. Ok, so you need to build a masculine frame. That shit takes time. Especially if you were raised by women. So what should you do in the meantime? Shut. The. Fuck. Up. &#x200B; ***The Value of STFU for Noobs*** Let's go back to the guy in the FR. If he would just shut the fuck up, these girls would be all over him. Why? Because he wouldn't be showing his weaknesses. Yes, he would still be immature and emotionally needy but they wouldn't know that. He would have girls hanging all over him, thus giving him more opportunities to learn how to act while he matures a bit. There's plenty of proverbs and sayings around this, ones like ""better to be silent and thought a fool than to speak and prove it."" If you are physically attractive, a woman's hamster will usually work to convince her that those things which you do not reveal must be good. For example, if you are attractive and quiet, you are mysterious and alluring. If you are unattractive and quiet, then you are that weird creepy loner. So for you noobs, that's why ""STFU and lift"" is so effective. Lift increases your attractiveness, self-confidence, and gives you a challenge in life you can overcome. STFU gives you time and space to work on yourself without revealing your weaknesses constantly. Maybe you are emotionally weak little bitch who is triggered constantly. You need to fix that shit. If, however, you don't react, you don't reveal that to the others around you and they might, just maybe, think better of you. STFU. Detach. Learn to be emotionally non-reactive. Good luck.",,179,100percentnatty,2022-09-04 19:00:55 marriedredpill,x1dltg,"Own Your Shit Weekly - August 30, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,19,AutoModerator,2022-08-30 08:30:09 marriedredpill,x0ztxs,don't push your wife/partner into being a stay at home mom,"Not married, two kids, 16 years in with gf. I make really good money. Idealistic view of parenting, I wanted to be the provider, so mom can be home to do the best with kids. (9 and 13). That is good for first couple of years of life of your kids. If your woman is one that is ambitious or wants to be out there working, fucking encourage it. I did the opposite. ""I make enough money for both of us"" , you can stay home"" is a two edged sword. Fuck that. Let her do her thing. She will not feel stuck. I will have a contributing partner. Treat her like an adult. rather than someone you have to coddle and then you can hold her to the same standards she holds you to (which is huge). I finally realized this after years of shittiness. I've learned quite a few lessons over the last three years when I stopped being an overgrown child that needed to be told to take care of his kids and to get off the damn phone. We're not out of the woods by any means, but she stuck around cause she knows she cant do better. No, not cause she's shit (she does have red flags as per Rich) , but I did win the genetic lottery at 6'3"", very handsome, built, high IQ, can reno a house, take apart my moto etc and I am a high earner (engineer). Yea, I can't complain. But I was so fucking full of myself. FYI, all of that means shit if you cant STFU, hold frame and not chase. Ask me how I know. I'll report back in 6 months on this issue and let you know what difference that makes. For now, it has greatly relieved her dissatisfaction at being stuck. I did warn her that as an equal, I will respect her as one ( i used to look down on her) but also expect the same level of effort and accountability (I take care of my shit). I'm shaky on this part though. I have to think about it some more. I say all this cause, dead bedroom can happen to even a mega chad if she's miserable and you cant STFU. ps . I read the rational male like 10 years ago and all I took from it was ""hey, i did that shit when I was single and landed tons of chicks!"" not realizing when you're really hot, you don't need game, or very little of it. Yes, you eventually develop some but I didn't do it long enough. I had one-itis all through my 20s until 32 where I transformed but met my gf only 7 months into my fuckfest year and I stupidly gave it all up (she was smoking hot uber feminine, super agreeable) And yup, been watching Rian's videos and there some great stuff in there.",,18,psycho_sid,2022-08-29 21:03:24 marriedredpill,wxf178,Read a Fucking Book,"""*Read the sidebar.""* Probably the most common response you'll see on here, and for good reason: *if you're not willing to read, you're not willing to work, which means you're not willing to change.* But you shouldn't stop at the sidebar. **Reading books is like lifting: the heavier the shit, the stronger you get.** Reading increases your supply of mental models, which directly impacts your power to affect the world around you. As long as you're acting on what you learn, reading - and specifically, reading *outside your comfort zone* \- will make you better at whatever you care about. **I'm going to recommend some books below that I think have something to add to your MRP journey, either as prescription (stuff to do) or as proscription (stuff to avoid).** This is my list; there are many like it, but this one is mine. I challenge you to comment with your own recommendations, provided that: 1.) It is not standard self-help-NYT-best-seller-regurgitated-secondary-sources-non-fact-checked-feel-good-horse-shit; and 2.) It has something to say/add to someone's understanding of sexual strategy (however that is defined...and I define it broadly). \------------------------ **BOOKS THAT MAKE ME WANT TO FUCKING MURDER SOMEONE** Half of MRP is just not blowing your brains out (metaphorically or literally) before you get to the good parts. You know, showing up at the gym late at night even though you'd rather do *anything* else. Managing your feelings while the person you thought you loved tries to pick you apart. Posting in OYS for the 467th time just so some autistic internet retard can tell you to ""lift more."" [**Can't Hurt Me by David Goggins**](https://www.audible.com/pd/Cant-Hurt-Me-Audiobook/B07KKMNZCH?source_code=GPAGBSH0508140001&ipRedirectOverride=true&gclid=CjwKCAjwu5yYBhAjEiwAKXk_eLfllvPvIqM2oqgsEt8sdqv2QjyNfGIT3s7AKZjJxX29jQG-FNENrhoCJukQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds) Tells the story of one man's transformation from abused child to overweight fuck up to Navy SEAL, army ranger, and multiple world-record holder in endurance running. This is a story about training yourself to suffer, told from someone who has *legitimately* fucking suffered. Every single chapter in this book leaves you wondering what the *fuck* God has against David Goggins. And yet, you leave inspired to do more with yourself, and to accept no less than what you're capable of. I *strongly* recommend the audio book. The narrator is the co-author, and has a good sense of the flow of the material; secondly, Goggins chimes in in between chapters to add context. His attitude is palpable. You can also do what I did: listen while running, so you feel like an absolute piece of shit for giving up. [**The Endurance: Shackleton's Legendary Antarctic Expedition by Caroline Alexander**](https://www.thriftbooks.com/w/the-endurance-shackletons-legendary-antarctic-expedition_caroline-alexander/247487/item/41091294/?gclid=CjwKCAjwu5yYBhAjEiwAKXk_eE48hkKTDp5Y_NJ0srThDWyc5kSRbdH6d7XvOBS7nVf1qFGK3ANTLBoC3PwQAvD_BwE#idiq=41091294&edition=2374582) Do *whatever* you can to find this book in hardcover. The pictures are worth the price of admission alone - they will take your breath away. Ernest Shackleton sets sail for the South Atlantic to try and be the first to cross Antarctica on foot. Suffice to say, shit does not go as planned. Shackleton's subsequent journey of survival - twenty months trapped in one the most inhospitable places on earth - is a marvel. The extent to which his leadership and vision not only kept his men together but kept them *alive* is incredible. The strength of will to keep going in the darkest of times, when ALL hope seems lost...it comes back to me at least once a month, particularly when I'm dealing with my own petty bullshit. [**Alone: The Classic Polar Adventure by Richard E. Byrd**](https://www.amazon.com/Alone-Classic-Adventure-Richard-Byrd/dp/1559634634/ref=asc_df_1559634634/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=343211960134&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=4033967536956955173&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9003234&hvtargid=pla-454580101198&psc=1&tag=&ref=&adgrpid=67797266063&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvadid=343211960134&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=4033967536956955173&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9003234&hvtargid=pla-454580101198) Another ""guy gets real cold"" book, but VERY different from *Endurance.* Byrd was already world-famous before the period in which this memoir occurs. Frustrated by fame and responsibility, he sets off with a plan to spend six months alone in a remote area of the Arctic, taking weather measurements. Things go immediately and terribly wrong. Isolated at the bottom of the world, trapped in a period of never-ending night, Byrd begins to suffer from signs of mental and physical illness. Weakened, hallucinating, and depressed, Byrd engages in a life-or-death struggle to save his own life...and sanity. If *Endurance* is the story of men helping one another survive against all odds, *Alone* is a story of one man diving as deeply as is possible into the recesses of his own mind. It is harrowing, beautiful, moving, terrifying, and inspiring. Based off of diary entries written during the experience, it puts you *in* this situation in a way that's hard to describe. **BOOKS ABOUT NARCISSISM, LIVING FULLY, AND BLOWING EVERYTHING UP** I've always felt that the idea of ""swallowing the pill"" was for intellectual light-weights who need someone to do their thinking for them. My personal intellectual heroes were always people whose personal philosophies would be difficult to describe and impossible to place into any convenient ""us vs. them"" dichotomy. An example: in my (personal) opinion, the romanticization of ""dark triad"" traits in RP is stupid as ever-loving fuck. I cringed even writing the words ""dark triad."" Not saying there's *nothing of value* there, it just feels like ""Baby's First Stab At Applied Psychology."" But there is an *undeniable attraction* that comes from narcissism, and reading about it is a good way of both getting at what's useful there and seeing the inevitable consequences of living it out. [Kitchen Confidential, by Anthony Bourdain](https://www.audible.com/pd/Kitchen-Confidential-Audiobook/B002VA8GSA) You absolutely MUST, MUST, MUST get the audiobook. If for nothing else than the sheer, uninterrupted joy of having Anthony Bourdain in your ears for 6+ hours or whatever it takes. Bourdain pursues hedonism and applied technical skill in equal measure. He pursues them to the detriment of everyone around him, and ultimately, himself. Listening to this book in the wake of his later suicide is like spending an evening with a ghost; disturbing, fascinating, heart-breaking. You know how this ends. You know where it's going. But you can't help but go along for the ride, thrilling to the ups and downs, reveling in the victories, cursing the defeats. Bourdain had a vision, and he lived it. It wasn't healthy, and it didn't end well, but he *fucking did it, no matter the cost.* [Ernest Hemingway: A Biography by Mary V. Dearborn](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/31691700-ernest-hemingway) Here we go, right???!!! MEN AM I RIGHT!!! Dearborn was the first woman to biographize Hemingway. I'll be the first to admit, I haven't read enough Hemingway history to know how her work stacks up against the more traditional biographies, and you should probably read those for good measure. Dearborn's take, however, is important precisely because *she isn't fucking in love with him.* She is MORE than happy to point out what an indisputable piece of shit Hemingway could be. This was a man who abused his lovers, friends, and enemies alike; who was so cripplingly insecure that he held grudges over even faint criticism; who was so jealous and petty that he sabotaged his friends whenever he felt they might be pulling ahead of him. Half the shit people say about Hemingway is made up, and most of it was made up by Hemingway. And *yet...*what is it about this gigantic gaping asshole that makes him an object of fascination? It's because he *lived.* He *acted* \- or at least, people think he did. He was an undeniable talent, and he let everyone know it. He distorted the reality of those around him, and his charisma was legendary. This is another one where you know the ending: sooner or later, Hemingway meets the barrel of a shotgun. But it still feels shocking when it happens, and by the end, *despite*, not *because of*, everything he did, you end up loving ""Papa"", too. **BOOKS THAT MAKE YOU SMARTER (AND BELIEVE ME, YOU FUCKING NEED IT)** [Sadly, Porn by Edward Teach](https://astralcodexten.substack.com/p/book-review-sadly-porn) I've mentioned this book on here a few times. I've linked here to a *review* of the book, rather than the book itself...I feel like the review will give you a sense of it before you jump in. How to fucking describe this thing? It's unlike anything I've ever read, for one. Here's my best shot: *The smartest person you've ever met is lecturing you on porn, psychoanalysis, popular culture and ancient literature...but they're doing it with the tone of someone kicking your ass in OYS.* That's it in a nutshell. Teach is pissed, and he's pissed at *you*, and he's going to let you know about it. He thinks you're a petty piece of shit that's being manipulated by technology, media, and the mob. He thinks you're weak, that you don't deadlift, and that you're afraid to learn math. And he's going to kick your ass in book form until you straighten the fuck up. I experience joy reading this book, but it isn't for everyone - it's deliberately difficult. It opens up with a 30 page cuckold erotica story to ""scare away the plebs."" It's deliberately antagonistic. Remind you of anywhere? [The Master and His Emissary: The Divided Brain and the Making of the Western World by Iain McGilchrist](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Master_and_His_Emissary) Your brain has two hemispheres, and Gilchrist believes they aren't just responsible for different cognitive tasks...but for *entirely different ways of perceiving the world.* Gilchrist is a neuroscientist who spends a LOT of time talking about Hegel, so if that sounds even remotely interesting to you, this book is going to fuck you up. This was probably the single most impactful book on me from the last five years - it gave me an *entirely* different way of thinking about the world around me. Gilchrist's basic thesis is that the left hemisphere is analytical, and divides the world into its component pieces. The right hemisphere, however, sees the ineffable ""whole,"" with no sense of time or division. Math and science belong to the left hemisphere, but insight, dancing, love, humor, etc, all belong to the right - you can't divide them up and analyze them without destroying what made them special in the first place. Being highly analytical myself, this book made me stop and reassess the tools I use, and whether those tools are actually helpful or not. This is a deep book, hard to describe, and much harder to summarize - I'm not doing it justice. Read it, highlight it, then read it again. [Seeking Wisdom: From Darwin to Munger, 3rd Edition 3rd Edition by Peter Bevelin](https://www.amazon.com/Seeking-Wisdom-Darwin-Munger-3rd/dp/1578644283/ref=sr_1_1?crid=22KU8DM1T0890&keywords=darwin+to+munger&qid=1661435835&s=books&sprefix=darwin+to+munger%2Cstripbooks%2C63&sr=1-1) This book is like a crash course in the best that the Western mind has to offer. Simple summaries and descriptions of the major insights of science, philosophy, and business; almost like a Clif Notes on all the shit you really should know and understand, but don't. Bevelin is well-known to Mungerheads - he's the editor of *Poor Charlie's Almanack,* which was a hugely influential book in my life. If you enjoy reading the wit and wisdom of either Munger or his partner Warren Buffett, you'll enjoy this book. \---- That's it folks, I'm out of time. Looking forward to see your recommendations as well.",,101,resolutions316,2022-08-25 14:00:19 marriedredpill,wvj84q,"Own Your Shit Weekly - August 23, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,25,AutoModerator,2022-08-23 08:30:09 marriedredpill,ws4r3p,Field report a few years after I filed for divorce,"So here I am about to give a field report. Tbh I haven't participated in this sub for a while so I'm going to make this short. I've dated enough women post divorce to see this trend - A woman who wants you - will buy you groceries, bring them to your house, make you dinner then happily drain your balls a few times. A woman who does not want you will demand you take her out buy dinner and entertain her. Maybe she'll even kiss you. How does that relate to what ever special problems you're having with her is up to you. Draw your own conclusions.",,131,Taipanshimshon,2022-08-19 04:41:21 marriedredpill,wq9q65,Rules,"I'm going to drop the Rules in OYS for a while. Mods can still ban at their discretion. But I'm taking the railroads off so you guys can figure out what's what in your own way. You'll still get banned, but it won't be because 'Rule 9' specifically. I'll give this a go for a while and if it doesn't work out, they can always come back.",,24,threekindsoflucky,2022-08-16 23:58:17 marriedredpill,wptqkf,Here I am talking to strangers on the internet.,"EDIT: I’m not actually on the spectrum for autism. I may have overplayed that somewhat because most of you think I’m autistic. I’ll cut that shit out now. Apologies for the incredibly politically incorrect user name. I had no idea everyone was so fucking literal. About 14 months ago I had that moment when I finally thought to myself, ""WTF, is this my life now? Isn't there another way?"". I was 43, married with 2 kids and unhappy...an AFC in a sexless marriage with an average career who complained to his friends about his wife. I'd had enough of my own whining voice and my balls were about to rip a hole in reality so I started doing a little digging. &#x200B; **Reading and the gym.** I discovered NMMNG, David Deida, then Athol Kay's MAP, starting going to the gym 3 times a week, seeing a psychologist who advised me to ""keep doing what I'm doing as it's working wonders"", seeing my friends socially every week, focusing on my studies, hobbies, and my own needs first while still balancing work and my family. I started to shift the dynamics at home and feel a lot better about myself very quickly. More reading, more gym, more of the good stuff. I hadn't heard of TRP at this stage. **6 month mark.** I had some sort of breakthrough with the psychologist; I knew that I had been labouring to get my marriage back on track and in the eternal hope that my wife would magically transform into someone she's not; that's one big, fucking ridiculous covert contract. I realised that my wife is who she is and that's fine. Realising I truly didn't love her as she was, was a weight off my shoulders; maybe this was the wife goggles being firmly whacked from my face. I wasn't done tinkering yet though and, if I'm honest with myself, it was the fear of failure combined with my 2 young kids that was keeping me there. Something profound and liberating transpired, I realised that I no longer needed to try with my wife. I'm not saying that I just turned into a complete asshole though, quite the opposite. &#x200B; **1 year mark.** Things had settled into a new paradigm and my marriage was nothing more than a friendship at this point. My wife started crying a lot in front of me, almost daily for a few weeks. She was seeking comfort and I gave her a little, but I knew what was getting at her; the realisation that I no longer wanted her despite not having said it. I still felt really good about myself and had been enjoying my life, making plans for the future, studying, still reading a lot and still going to the gym. I had an overwhelming sense of calm, clarity and self-assurance that I hadn't felt in many years and her constant crying was pushing me further away. I know this makes me a c@#t but that's how I felt. It was about this time a friend recommended Rollo's book which led me here and to Rian's content which have solidified my work and learnings. &#x200B; **More crying.** We went on a family holiday and the crying continued until my wife finally said those words ""you don't love me any more, do you?"" I looked at her and nodded, then sat down on the coffee table in front of her and said ""you're right, I don't love you any more"". Lots more of her sobbing, apologising to me, more sobbing. After a while I convinced her to come the beach with me and the kids but the next few hours were a bit surreal. This is the woman I'd been with for the last (almost) 20 years and married to for the last 10. This is the woman who chose me to have kids with, and I'd just told her that I no longer loved her. We returned to the hotel at lunch time, put a movie on for the kids and went outside to talk. She apologised and apologised and talked and talked but I wasn't that interested. I began to engage a little and kept it to a minimum. Then she threw the sex card at me so we went upstairs and had crazy monkey sex. More sex the next morning, and again at lunch time. Then it stopped. I believe she used it partly to lure me back in, and partly because she's very LSE so the rejection got her engine running...who knows. &#x200B; **Sex, sex and more sex.** Nope. We returned home from our holiday about 6 weeks ago and we haven't had sex since. Initially she used a lot of seemingly manipulative tactics to regain frame, but I wasn't budging. Things had changed for good and we both knew it. She seemed hell bent on making the marriage work and I can think of 2 great reasons to try, so agreed to stay and work on things. &#x200B; **Now.** So now I have a happy, calm, seemingly content wife who is respectful, affectionate, and nice to be around. Testing of any form is almost non-existent and when she does they are so small and easily passed. I'm probably the best I have been in years and continue to enjoy doing the work every day. RP, even though I came to it the long way round, has saved my sanity and given me an entirely new and unbelievably positive outlook. I now have no problem attracting much younger, hotter women than my wife which is fun and always brightens my day. But, the sex has gone from my marriage and that's the way it is. It's been gone for such a long time, and I know that my wife's desire for me is all but non-existent which leaves me with some shitty choices that will never go away.",,33,aRtistic_kindling,2022-08-16 13:00:20 marriedredpill,wpou8k,"Own Your Shit Weekly - August 16, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,21,AutoModerator,2022-08-16 08:30:08 marriedredpill,wpdy87,Flair,"I've removed all flairs. Purpose of flair was to make it easier for newer guys to sift through arguments. Guys with MRP approved were assumed to be at least less retarded than the others. Problem is, flair gives people something to aim for. I don't want that. Flair is not a goal. Getting 'promoted' within the MRP 'hierarchy' means absolutely fuck all. If it turns into a problem, I'll deal with it. Otherwise we're back to how things should be - each argument from a given person is taken on its merits, not on the fact some dickhead with neon orange or red flair is saying it. People who give retarded advice will still get banned.",,64,threekindsoflucky,2022-08-15 23:09:59 marriedredpill,woyw9r,One year review: concrete actions that had the biggest impact,"It’s been a year since I finally woke up. A year since this massive fight with my now ex-GF where something in me snapped. A year since my first OYS. A lot of emotions are boiling, deep down. I’ve grown immensely this year, but there’s still so much more work to do on myself before I can call myself a proper man. Here are the six concrete actions I took this year that had the biggest impact. The order is more or less chronological. &#x200B; **1) Seeing a good hypnotherapist** I don't care what the macho men say, this is too important. Without the four hypnotherapy sessions I took at the start of my journey, everything would have been a lot more difficult, unbelievably slow. What is hypnotherapy? It’s the same as therapy, but instead of only talking about your problems, your past and limiting beliefs, you actually confront them. The therapist makes you visualise situations (purely fictional or from your past) and act inside them. The first session, I realized just how much I hated and despised myself, and how much this had been making me miserable for years. I saw myself as a child, my inner-child, I saw how I had pushed that child inside of me away, and that this was the cause of the constant, deep sadness that I was experiencing. I was the only one responsible for my feelings of loneliness. Which also meant I had the power to change them. I realized I was constantly hiding my true self from others, and that I despised myself for such cowardice. After that first session, over the course of a year, I slowly reconciled with myself. Little by little, I clawed my way back into life. To this day, I still use the tools that the hypnotherapist taught me (visualizing my inner child, etc). &#x200B; **2) Writing down my “frame”** I cannot remember how I came up with this, but at some point I thought to myself that I had no idea what my frame was. So I wrote it out. It came out as a list of actions I valued, and actions I despised. It looked something like this : * “I do not accept to be talked down to * I do not accept when people (myself included) try to bring me down * I enjoy spending time with people who spread positivity * I like people who are genuinely curious * etc” It was a pretty short list. But it made me realize that the girl I was with at the time was on the wrong side of most of my values. I had been hiding from that very obvious fact, but I couldn’t hide from it any longer. Suddenly, I had something to fight for. Shortly after writing this little list, I stood up to her for the first time. It's as if writing my values out had given them legitimacy. Of course, I didn’t turn into a steeled-frame Arnold overnight (I’m still very far from it), but I finally understood why “fighting for one’s values” mattered: because if you don’t defend your values, then it means they don’t have much value, and so they’re not actually values. It’s around that time I understood why the Tien An Men guy had done what he did. Before, I would have thought “what an idiot”. But now, I truly admire him. His frame holds even when he's looking down the barrel of a tank gun. &#x200B; **3) Reading WISNIFG** There’s a reason this is required reading. For me, the idea that I could just do what I wanted without any justification was mind-blowing. I had (and still do when I’m not paying attention) always been taking every single one of my decisions based on the “rational reasons” for and against. It took a lot of time, but I’m now at a point where I am much more in touch with my desires, and am a lot more able to say “I feel like it” or “I don’t feel like it” and leave it at that. Again, I’m nowhere near perfect, but the difference with a year ago is enormous. I've connected with a part of myself (my gut) that I had been ignoring up till now. &#x200B; **4) OYS “she”-ban** The main thing that OYS helped me with is the “she”-ban. All those who have written OYS know how this simple rule changes everything. It made me realize how little I was my own MPO. Even outside of OYS I started implementing the ban. I would catch myself not being my own MPO and reframe. It’s a little thing, but important nonetheless. &#x200B; **5) Gaining more control over my mind through daily meditation** I meditated every day for about 2-3 months after the breakup. I had meditated before, but this stint was the most beneficial. My mind was racing all the time. I would try to imagine the future, I would have imaginary conversations with people, I would dream up scenarios in which I was either the hero or the victim… I would spend so much time daydreaming. Meditating, I had so much trouble not being swept away by these trains of thought. So I started asking myself: is this a thought I want to remember? If the answer was yes, I would write it down, if it was no, I could forget it. In both cases, I was freed from it. Little by little, I developed a mental reflex: when a useless trail of thought starts, I (usually) catch myself pretty quickly and put an end to it. This reflex is still active today even though I don’t meditate anymore, and is really helping me stay sane and focused on reality. &#x200B; **6) Booking a one-month trip alone** This is the result of all that’s come before: starting to take care of my inner child, writing my frame down, understanding I could take decisions based on “gut-feeling”... I decided I wanted to discover latin America, because I felt like it. So I booked a flight. One month. For me, one month alone in another continent felt massive. It felt scary. But most of all, it felt liberating: I was actually taking care of myself. Once I got there, it was overwhelming at first, but I got in the groove of it. Meeting people in hostels, trying to speak Spanish, making up an itinerary as I went along, hitch-hiking… I realized I was much stronger than I thought I was. I realized my “gut-feeling” was much better at taking me places than my conscious rational brain. I realized the feeling of being free is invaluable. I connected with something deep down inside me that is amazingly strong. As a result, a mission has started to form for myself, though it’s so big I’m still half-scared of it. &#x200B; **Addendum: what about lifting?** Lifting is actually the year’s ~~(relative)~~ failure. I went from using lifting as way to channel my anger (that was great), to lifting because “I had to” and because I wanted to look good. But this is stupid. I stopped enjoying lifting because it had become a chore. I stopped making progress because I couldn’t push myself (I still went religiously 3 times/week (even 4 at some point)). I started to hate myself as I saw the muscle I had built the first six months slowly transform into fat around the waist. I tried changing my program, my diet, but nothing worked, because I was more concerned with my appearance than with my fighting spirit. In the end, sure, lifting got my confidence levels up, but it also drove them down when I wasn’t performing, which is, of course, outcome dependence and validation seeking. Just realized this a few days ago: time to inject anger back into the system. &#x200B; And on we go, carrying the stone back up the mountain. See you there.",,36,Sisyphus_XIV,2022-08-15 12:51:23 marriedredpill,wmrhsf,"My Idiot Boss Went Crazy - A ""Story"" About Rambo","If some of y'all are as retarded as me, you tend to have a hard time understanding things directly and instead do better with analogies and parables. Here's a story I wrote for a comment in /askMRP. Consider it my field report, put in story form, for understanding years ago what going Rambo is and why it is dumb. &#x200B; === THE STORY === &#x200B; Your boss is an idiot. You've been working at a small business for about 10-15 years. When you got hired, it looked like a fantastic opportunity. The owner (your boss) was young, bright, and aggressive. Together, you two had big goals around growing the business and making some serious cash. Unfortunately, over time, things didn't quite pan out. The business did ok but never reached the heights you knew it could. You did your best but really, the problem wasn't with you. The problem was the owner, your boss. He started off as a hard-working, bright guy but has slowly morphed into a loser who slacks off constantly. He is disengaged, clueless, and moody. He has never said it directly but you have learned to handle all the serious stuff such as the financials and the most important clients. After all, if you don't handle it, it won't get done and the business will fail. You stay on because the pay and benefits are decent and you know you won't get fired, even if you slack off more and more... which you have to admit to yourself has been the case over the past couple of years. The job is familiar and stable and that's what is most important to you. You do find yourself dreaming more and more though, around the idea of saying ""fuck it"" and quitting. Your friend works at that cool consulting firm and has promised they could get you that high-paying job. It's risky but the pay raise would be huge and you wouldn't have to put up with your shitty loser of a boss anymore. Six weeks ago, something changed with the boss. The owner, for some strange reason, went to a 3-day management seminar and came back all excited. He immediately reorganized the production shop with no input from you. He started talking about these new procedures he was going to implement and how they would fix everything. He started changing things immediately, even huge things that were stable and working before. Of course, he didn't run any of these changes by you to see if you had already tried them or see if they were even applicable. He didn't seem to recognize how some of these changes would affect your most important clients and really upset the flow of the business. Even weirder, he has told you to do whatever you want but is acting like he expects you to suddenly start working really hard again even though he's been fucking off for a decade+. You don't know what the heck to think. Sure, some of the ideas are somewhat decent but he has done this before and almost always stops halfway through, leaving an even bigger mess for you to clean up. Maybe the worst thing about all of this is that each time he does something, he immediately looks to you like a puppy begging for attention. If you don't praise him immediately for doing his own fucking job, he gets butthurt. That pisses you off. This is his fucking company, damn it, and now he wants you to bow down and act like he is the greatest ever for a few weeks of being slightly less of a fuckup? You are trying to just ride this out because you suspect that this is just a phase and he'll go back to being the somewhat-manageable-loser he has been before. Yesterday though, after he got pissy that you didn't fall down on the ground in awe of him doing some basic task correctly, you found him on his computer googling ""*should I fire my best employee if they aren't respectful enough?*"" WTF is wrong with your boss?",,103,100percentnatty,2022-08-12 17:51:19 marriedredpill,wjxwiw,"Own Your Shit Weekly - August 09, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,17,AutoModerator,2022-08-09 08:30:10 marriedredpill,wegy95,Dear Diary,"Dear Diary: Here is a list of my life and relationships in bullet point form. I'm not sure why, but it feels good to take an itinerary and everyone else is doing it. It reminds me of Sunday School when we would sing the same hymms before talking about something. I can't remember because I was trying to make out with Cindy Dear Diary: My goal in life is to be a top tier high value male. I want a career that inspires me with exciting highs and non existant lows. I want a career that doesn't come with malaise. I want to lead my family, but not care what they want or do to earn it or accept it. I want to be the person men want to be and women want. I don't want that too much though because I may accidentally sleep with more women even though my wife is mid-enthusiasm. I'd rather not talk about it. Maybe my kids can do better in soccer practice instead, thats a good goal, right? Dear Diary: I read a ton of books. I know the guys in the OWS posts really only see if I've read the sidebar so we can tell if I actually understand what I'm doing with my sexual strategy, but the new Tom Clancey novel is REALLY well written. Dear Diary: I aimed at doing 5 things. I didn't do 4 of them and failed at the 5th one. Part of my hopes that the guys will tear me a new one. God knows I deserve it, as I'm such a failure. Thankfully, a few of them did in that angry coach sort of way. It makes me feel better about failing since people will tell me I'm a bad man. To think I used to have to tithe to get this; internet is handing out indulgences for free! Dear Diary: I've broken my life into discrete categories, silos for the soul. My social life is one thing to min/man. My fathering skills are another. My relationship is another one. My attempt at a sex life too. None of these thigns are connected or related so it's better if I don't think about what I'm doing in any sort of comprehensive way. I think I read that in a Tom Clancey novel. Dear Diary: I've decided I no longer want to live in my wifes frame anymore. I watched a video by that Rian guy who said to pretend your wife is dead: now how would you live your life if she wan't there? I did just that. Normally she goes to the store and wants me to come along for company. She's always like that, I swear she would die if I wasn't there. She watched me pull up my man pants and told her no .... calmly and stoicly. She is probably freaking out right now becuase I'm my own man who is living life as if he was single. Is this what frame feels like? I told my wife about it later that night and she asked me to get her a glass of water. Whatever man, if I was single I'd be going up for a glass anyways so I got her one. Dear Diary: Today I'm going to coach all these guys on how to be a high value male: * Power point, check! * theories, Check! * Lip service to any and all of the red pilled mental models I've seen in here, check! * Filled to the brim with everything I've done, but didn't mention in my 'mission/vision?' check! I have a feeling I'm going to be saving lives today #####Moral of the story Guys will put insane amounts of work to avoid any work when an ego is involved.",,38,RStonePT,2022-08-02 16:59:11 marriedredpill,we67nw,"Own Your Shit Weekly - August 02, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,14,AutoModerator,2022-08-02 08:30:09 marriedredpill,w9kitu,Using Your Anger to Find Your Balls,"This is for intermediate guys who can't seem to shake the anger phase, on the tail end of the dancing monkey improvement program. It's what I did to finally develop my mental point of origin. This is dynamite unless you have all your auxiliary SMV levels straight. It is a method to turn the incorrect dancing monkey mindset into living in your own frame. By this point you should be physically attractive, have a good social life, most of your MAP in green, and yourself easily fun and flirty with other women, but still struggling with your wife, and still lacking a solid understanding of frame. A&A and amused mastery are concepts you understand mentally, but your usage of them is cringey. You are probably not genuinely fun at home, despite your attempts to fake it. You probably have a history of being a little high strung and always found yourself trying too hard to make people like you. You probably find yourself angry or frustrated often, thinking you've done the work so why aren't you getting the results you want? It's because you're still haven't found your balls, you don't have the power and you know it, and you're angry that it's just not working for you like it is for other guys. If you find yourself stuck at this stage, grinding day in day out, failing constantly, feeling anger and not knowing what to do about it, I suggest something that worked for me. Focus HARDER on the anger and frustration. Stop trying to fight it or suppress the anger and frustration. Go somewhere alone, let yourself get extremely worked up about your failure to succeed with your dancing monkey program. Look at the amount of time and effort you've put in to win your wife's approval. It's ridiculous, you've completely changed yourself and your wife STILL hasn't given you her pussy as a reward? How long are you going to do this? Fuck this. It's been long enough, she's not coming around for whatever reasons and it's time to get the life you want no matter what. Really let yourself surrender to the fact you failed, and that's ok, and accept its time to go out and get the life you want. Something will happen. You will reach that point of idgaf that you need, not the anger idgaf but zen calm idgaf. You will understand that your anger was just a result of you feeling powerlessness all along. You will understand that you are now a free individual man in the world, with complete self reliance to make anything good that will happen, happen. It's all on you now. Your confidence and drive should skyrocket at this point, as you have just given yourself permission to have complete power over your situation in life. Congrats, you now have frame and mental point of origin. You don't give a shit about what your wife thinks, your coworkers, your friends, strangers, other women, guys on MRP. You will RELAX into your masculinity, because you've been overcompensating for it all these years and you just needed to fucking relax a bit. You'll notice you just feel happy and have fun, because the stress that was caused by feeling powerless in your situation is now gone Idgaf means you're a fun driven dude who knows he can handle any problem that arises, therefore he has no problems. Life is good. Wake yourself up daily to this message, and it will cement itself in place. At this point, you will be able to finally uncover what it is you want out of life, and start making moves towards it. You are now the prize. **Footnote** A lot of guys seem to be misunderstanding the format of this post. I personally think if you don't get it, you're a retard, but at the end of the day we're all retards for being here in the first place. I will spell it out. The beginning is written from the perspective of a dancing monkey, meant for him to identify with the incorrect mental models. The middle is an approach used for a guy with the dancing monkey mindframe to break past this incorrect mental model. The end is the new correct mindset.",,48,DiamondUnlucky9120,2022-07-27 17:20:35 marriedredpill,w8ealu,"Own Your Shit Weekly - July 26, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,20,AutoModerator,2022-07-26 08:30:11 marriedredpill,w2nlo1,"Own Your Shit Weekly - July 19, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,16,AutoModerator,2022-07-19 08:30:09 marriedredpill,vx67pd,"Own Your Shit Weekly - July 12, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,21,AutoModerator,2022-07-12 08:30:09 marriedredpill,vuxv8n,3 concepts for getting your wife's BJ,"In the recent 6 months I improved my marriage. From declining amounts of sex to fucking wild and getting my dick sucked after lunch. Being married to me became a spiritual battle. I used 3 concepts based on Red pill theories that I implied on my daily marriage life and it improved my married and sex life a lot. 1. SRD I created a own social life outside of my marriage including my children. For a lot of locals in my area, Sport mom's, waitresses they assumed (some still assume it) that I'm a Single Raising Dad. For months I took my kids to their sport, family friendly restaurants, even weekend trips. My wife didn't even know the name of my kids team, because she took the feminist agenda ""Me"" time and I did not complain. I flirted with the single moms, the waitress, was small talking with everyone. Regardless if she was a milf or a random 4. After months of doing so, my wife saw women greeting me on the regular and she had no clue who they were. Kept interviewing me who these women are. ""Hey you again, how you doing? How are your kids? Oh, thats your WIFE?"" Wife: ""WHO IS THAT?"" ""Hey whats up? That workout you recommended kicks ass. Your nutritional advice was spot on."" ""Nice. How is your business going you said you want to....? Btw this is my wife"" These conversation happen 1-2 times per months, my wife has no clue who these women are. Well after doing this for 4-6 months, there is no ""me"" time. She is there every practice with her kids, I used to take the kids say ""bye, have fun relaxing"". Now she is our shadow and guess what, im fucking the shit out of her, she literally starts grabbing me to bed and can't wait until the kids go to sleep. Yeah, I was a mastrubating husband, that complained about his wife not wanting sex, like the other fat fuck father's around my neighborhood. I talk with my neighbor's wives every now and then, some litteraly laugh and lightly pull my shirt by the sleeve while laughing, with 0 self awareness. My wife's notices it, because she mentions it as soon as we get back home. 2. LBM I'm sure you hear her nagging voice already ""Can you take out the trash?"" ""Did you forget the milk? Again?"" ""The dishwasher is empty, why didn't you use it?"" Living By Myself. I act like I live by myself. That means, I have a standard. I try to keep it 100% of the time, but I fail sometimes in the chore department and still need improvement. However, most of the time I meet my standard. I cook healthy for myself and the family. I do important daily chores like I'm living by myself. After im done with everything, I enjoy the evening and do whatever the fuck I want. ""We need xyz for tomorrow can you get it now?"" ""No!"" ""But...."" ""If it's that important go get it for yourself, leave me alone for today thanks."" And I go on doing whatever I was doing. After my daily standard is met, im done. Regardless of what load she tries to put on me, or guilt trip, I literally don't care. 3. GTFU Get the fuck up! Do something for your body. Get fit! The gym was dull for me after a few years. After deadlifting for 340 for reps, squatting 240 and benching 200. I looked fit, but still felt that void. Well, martial arts filled that gap. I literally left last year afer my first muay thai class and said ""That's it! You dumb fuck why didn't you join earlier."" I got a new circle of friends. We watch fights together, sometimes I join the single young dudes when they go to the club. Gave me some new self confidence boost, because young women still flirt with me and some try to fuck, I'll leave it at that. Recently we met after work. We went for a massage after lunch. The night before we had sex. We had to pick up the kids afterwards, I told her ""first we go home real quick!"" (Was on our way) ""Why?"" ""You gonna suck my dick and then we go on with our day!"" That being said, there have been main events. She even went psycho one day, told me I don't care about her so much, I'm selfish, only thinking about myself (which obviously is not true because is spent the majority of time for my family and my kids development), some more emotional random accusations. I took the divorce papers, told her to get a grip and keep the family together or shut the fuck up and sign right here. I signed everything, just needed her signature. That was the last Main event, the next day she never mentioned it and for now I have a few months of harmony, but I'm married long enough to know it won't last. TL;DR - Act like you're a single raisins dad. Act like you live by yourself and pick up a martial art.",,195,dawgsen,2022-07-09 09:19:24 marriedredpill,vrt3k6,"Own Your Shit Weekly - July 05, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,18,AutoModerator,2022-07-05 08:30:09 marriedredpill,vmi7sh,"Own Your Shit Weekly - June 28, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,22,AutoModerator,2022-06-28 08:30:10 marriedredpill,vh8gpm,"Own Your Shit Weekly - June 21, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,27,AutoModerator,2022-06-21 08:30:08 marriedredpill,vbysex,"Own Your Shit Weekly - June 14, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,19,AutoModerator,2022-06-14 08:30:10 marriedredpill,v6q8oc,"Own Your Shit Weekly - June 07, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,22,AutoModerator,2022-06-07 08:30:08 marriedredpill,v4usf3,FR: Game Development,"**36yo, (poor first attempt at bulking in these months) 162-180#, 12-18%bf, big 3 lifts between 6-700#** This is a description of my early stage efforts to develop better game, my own interpretations of what I've learned and a solicitation for feedback and poking from you all. I live in a small town and for the most part, I avoid escalation that goes beyond teasing, harmless touching, and innuendo with plausible deniability. I don't press for isolation, no bold physical or verbal moves. I have fun with women and all other people and I don't hide my sexuality in a nice guy shameful way. I have fun with my wife always but this I think is a lousy way to develop your game as a skill. \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ **2 nights in San Diego (February):** I accomplished very little here except to determine that my starting point was bad. I went out on two nights for a couple of hours each night and **realized I had BAD approach anxiety**. The first night I went out and could hardly talk with anyone except for the bartenders or say hi to women who made eye contact with me. In my mind, this was way different than approaching strangers in the day because if you're out at night approaching women in bars there's really no doubt what your looking to do. Looking back I remember regretting not approaching several groups of girls paired up together and a bachelorette party. On the second night I made some actual approaches. All of these happened in a crowded nightclub where it was almost impossible not to interact. One was an extremely hot girl in what appeared to be a leather jacket and no other visible clothes. [I asked her if she could introduce me to the pretty girl next to her.](https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/553gwd/the_psychology_of_approaching_groups_of_very_hot/) I think this genuinely hurt her feelings but it was kinda funny. Also, I introduced myself to some people grouped up, then another group came with some mutual acquaintances. Pretty soon, everybody in these two separate groups assumed I was part of the other group. This seemed useful and was very entertaining to me. \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ **2 nights in Nashville (March):** I was more thoughtful about my goal here [(get a ton of approaches under my belt for the purpose of desensitization + general feedback on where I'm at)](https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/39qnwd/how_to_talk_to_everyone_you_see/). I looked online a found a bar that was doing country swing dancing lessons for night number 1. None of the girls there were attractive but the experience was fun and scary at first. There was a music festival going on on night 2. For my purposes, I decided I'd only approach women who were intimidatingly attractive by my standards. I stopped counting how many ""approaches"" after I got above 15. A big payoff here was **realizing how imaginary my fear of shame, embarrassment, or humiliation for approaching women was**. The other **realization was that I had some serious inner game weaknesses** that did not match up with reality. I felt lots of guilt and shame about what I was doing, what would people think, what would these girls think if they knew my situation? what would my parents think, and my friends, and what would my wife think. How could I explain something like this to my kids? What do I think? Don't I loathe people who try to cheat on their spouses. Am I really going to consider cheating when the opportunity presents itself? Why on earth would I do that? Why on earth wouldn't I do that? I didn't get that far because of my own fear. Fear of escalating beyond the introduction+small talk and probably fear of actually getting to the edge of a cheating decision. The only experience I had that came close to 'bad' was introducing myself to a girl alone and her friends swooped in to save her and they all had a giggle about it in front of me. I also came up to a couple in line for a bar and touched this girls arm to get her attention. Her friend screamed like they were about to get mugged and instead of freaking out an apologizing, I laughed and teased her. What's funny about this is that girls are actually really fucking nice about their rejections. Maybe that's why it IS painful is that you can pick up on their negative feelings; pity or whatever. On the other end of the spectrum, there was a group I introduced myself to who were getting in a car. They gave me a beer from the case they had in the trunk and took off but drove around the block and called out to me, asking where I was from, was in town alone, if I was interested in coming to their friends birthday party at some bar. I told objectively boring anecdotal stories in a fun and energetic way. I avoided all talk that I considered trying to qualify myself. For instance, I downplayed my job where I'm successful but when asked, I expressed genuine passion and excitement about what I was doing earlier that day for work. As girls offered up information about their lives, I asked about how they felt about these things instead of logistics, interview type questions. 0 women asked about my wedding ring but all women eventually started staring at it like it was glowing. The most attractive girl I talked to was so beautiful and sweet she did not belong in the bar I found her in. She appeared to be enamored and delighted with me coming up to her and I pretty quickly bounced, deciding that I didn't want to subject this sweet beautiful girl to my scummy, adulterizing behavior. And **holy shit, I still have a madonna/whore complex**. Fuck. \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ **4 Nights Austin (May):** In between this trip and my last I had a lot of one off 'approaches' with pretty young girls. It's not like it's easy now but the anxiety that creeps up became recognizable and I started to view it more like a signal that this was going to be exciting. If I made eye contact with a girl, I would waste no time in saying something or beginning to move in her direction but I would take my time getting there. Not go fast and directly at her. If I did not make eye contact but still wanted to approach a girl from behind or something I would firmly squeeze her upper arm or shoulder and say hi. In my experience, and maybe it's in my head, there is a loooong pause in this kind of approach where she doesn't know if she's supposed to recognize you or what you're going to say and if you can just stay relaxed and let it pass you quickly end up in a situation that's very exciting for everybody. I started to be deliberate with my posture prior to Austin (shoulders back, chest out, relaxed and cognizant of whether or not I was squaring up with or pointing my body away from people as I talked with them). On my first night in Austin I approached a few dozen women, mostly coupled up ([per fuccfiles](https://www.amazon.com/FUCCFILES-Lessons-decade-Rian-Stone-ebook/dp/B0873ZX5MV)). There were these girls on the street outside of a bar that I started talking to and the bouncer there came out and started offering the girls drinks. I said we'd all come in if he gave me a beer too and he agreed. If I didn't mention it before, I wouldn't almost never drink while doing this stuff. At first, that would feel so weird to go out and not drink but eventually it feels like a superpower to be going out to bars and staying sober. While I talked to these girls, a guy came up to approach them and after talking with him and his friends for a while I essentially just joined their group for the rest of the evening. This was a pretty good choice for getting a lot of experience miles out of my night. Me and these guys in their 20's approached a ton of women at this and several other bars throughout the night. Not only did I get to do all of my own experimentation with storytelling, asking questions, body language and touch but I got to observe a lot of these guys' experience as well. How I would describe the game I was experimenting with would be [""seeing what kind of 'negative' behavior I could get away with and escalating it"". This was for touch, evasiveness with questions, teasing, and insisting on changing venues or topics.](https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/64mvgf/the_most_important_part_of_game_is_not_being/) Near the end of the night. There were 4 of us guys hanging out with these two locals and everyone was talking about where to go for food. One of the guys had decided he was interested in the hot one and basically would not let her leave his ""hugging from behind"" embrace. I think because I was older, sober, and the group outsider, these girls were both auditioning for the role of my Austin tour guide for the rest of my trip. We were in a bar that was basically empty and they were arguing with each other on either side of me, yelling about the best places to eat and rubbing their tits all over either side of my body while the one got hugged on from behind by the other guy. I peaced out at this time because I thought I was going to feel lousy if I ended up cock blocking this guy. I regret not seeing if I could've gotten this girls phone number. Night number two included more of this behavior, several phone numbers, a girl slid her hand down inside my pants, another girl gave me very clear signals to kiss her and a girl tickled and pinched me so hard it left marks on me. You know what I told my wife ""This girl who was at the bars when I was out tickled and pinched me so hard it left these marks!"" I remember one girl asking me to set a water bottle down for her on the bar and I did cus why not and then I could basically smell her disappointment in this moment. It was like a shit test cartoon from a red pill encyclopedia.[In the process of chatting girls up I started to get very playful](https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/4wu6n4/humansockpuppets_guide_to_teasing_bitches/)with not telling them things about myself or asking them to let me guess things about them (like where they're from) then I'd look them up and down, examine their jewelry, touch them all over and narrow it down to (doesn't matter, just make it fun). This is the night were I realistically could've been fucking other girls. **And that's kinda what I set out to measure (6 evenings of focusing on game, approaching and escalating with strangers).** I also happened upon and helped to break up a fight that involved a guy who's basically a celebrity in my professional circle and closed down the bars with him. After the almost fight, I got to watch this guy (who is in his late 50's) get the peppy le pew treatment from an incredibly hot girl in her 20's (straddling him, draping herself over him, taking selfies with him). She talked with him about setting him up with her mom, he talked with her about his multiple wives (I have no idea if that's true). Both were communicating with each other very differently, but clearly, in how they were touching each other. All of this was in front of her fiancee who was a tall, attractive, nice, bradley cooper looking dude. It was absolutely insane. Third night was more of the same. It was the first time being married really got pressed on by some girls: Her ""Are you married? Or do you just wear that to pick girls up?"" Me ""I'm flattered, but I cant get married to you."" Her ""Are you married?"" Me ""I'm not marriage material."" Eventually it was just ""Yes, of course I'm married, don't feel like talking about it."" + strained uncomfortable smile. This shit really killed my mood. And in the grand scheme of things, I determined I wouldn't want to start going in this direction unless I become tremendously more comfortable with it. Having said all the, the girls were not that upset about it, if anything they were excited about their indignation over this. The smallest of them I actually threw over my shoulder and carried her from bar to bar along with the occasional spanking while we hung out. There were a couple of other very clear openings for getting laid. By day four I was fucking exhausted. I had lunch with some construction workers who let me practice my shitty spanish and I had dinner with a couple of very fun but not hot black girls who happened to come into the bar I was in. My next trip is to DC later this Summer. Not sure what my plan is for that yet but I'll say I'm grateful and satisfied with what it's been like to deliberately put myself out there so far.",,57,ragnar_Daneskjold,2022-06-04 18:26:17 marriedredpill,v1ljwh,"Own Your Shit Weekly - May 31, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,19,AutoModerator,2022-05-31 08:30:09 marriedredpill,uz8oyj,60 DoD '22 Week 8: Social life (and closeout),"I hope that you all have been smart enough to be contemplating this week's topic even though the post is coming in at the end instead of the beginning? If so, you have been examining your social life, and reading up on what our membership has had to say about it in the years past. The only thing I will add this year is that social skills are essential for a balanced and fulfilling life. Get to know your neighbors. Show some interest in the world and take up some new activities. LIVE some, yes? For those who are about to finish strong and have stuck with it all throughout the 60 days, I hope you have laid the foundations of a New You. Change is hard, and it doesn't come right away. As I said at the beginning, you learned bad habits slowly, so you can learn good ones too. Consistency and reinforcement are the keys. If you fell off the wagon, don't despair. The most important thing is to get back on the wagon, and try to stay on it longer this time. Get back to the good habits, and don't worry if you fell back into the old a little. Summer is here, and I hope you all will stride into the unknown that this year holds for us with a sense of purpose, a sense of confidence, and a sense of joy for being alive. See ya next time.",,24,SorcererKing,2022-05-27 21:47:49 marriedredpill,uwm1y6,"Own Your Shit Weekly - May 24, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,17,AutoModerator,2022-05-24 08:30:09 marriedredpill,urhu27,"Own Your Shit Weekly - May 17, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,23,AutoModerator,2022-05-17 08:30:10 marriedredpill,ur3l0d,60 DoD '22 Week 7: Career,"This week you are contemplating your vocation and what it does for you, then scheming about how to change it (if need be). Many of you have been holding back -- choosing the safety of the familiar instead of the risk of increased responsibility or trying something new. This stunts you intellectually and emotionally, and will bleed into other facets of your life. Others among you are motivated, but unsure how to maneuver yourself into the path of greater opportunity. Still others have never even thought of your career in the context of RP, and are probably wondering why it is a week in the 60 DoD. You can of course read the information laid down in prior years, and you really should check out those resources, particularly if this is your first 60 DoD rodeo. I also recommend [this post](https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/4uv6dr/theory_firing_the_customer/) by u/UEMcGill. Though it was not career-oriented, it is a lesson from that context, and offers you some important cues on frame. What I'd like to do this year is to have anyone who needs help in this area ask questions below. There are a number of guys here who are on-point with their career, some quite experienced and powerful in their industries. If you ask intelligent questions from a place of authenticity and congruence, I'm betting you'll get good answers. This is an experiment; don't askMRP me here on this thread. Retarded Kindergarten questions like ""How do I get a better job?"" will result in bans of indeterminate length. Bring it.",,17,SorcererKing,2022-05-16 19:13:58 marriedredpill,unrgaf,Call-out posts,"We've seen an increase in 'call-out' styled posts on the subreddit. I have also [contributed to this](https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/sid2ic/be_less_shit/), so I'm not just waggling my finger at everyone else. Generally, the intent of these posts is to call attention to a specific issue or topic, and to highlight how 'not' to do something. Here's a bunch of things that other people have done. Don't do those things. This can be useful for people who are either unaware of the mistakes they are making, or who respond well to being whipped. However, these type of posts put the poster in the position of judge and executioner, and the audience as jury. Whatever it is the poster is or is not doing, at least it's better than those people that they call out. I might suck, but at least I don't suck as much as these guys. It is fun to write these type of posts, as you can take a selection of the worst examples from OYS and parade them in front of everyone. Look at these guys. They're terrible! But it is 'they' that are terrible, not 'I'. And these posts are full of 'you' statements. Similar to 'she' statements, 'you' statements direct the locus of control onto someone else. And we want to generally be encouraging 'I' statements. Posts with lots of 'I' statements follow a format of 'this is what I did, this is why it worked for me'. Posts with lots of 'You' statements are generally 'You should do what I say, it worked for me'. 'I' statement posts allow a reader to go 'Why did they do this thing? Why did it work for them? Could it work for me? How do I test it?'. This is the foundation of what MRP was built upon. People identifying problems, trying things to fix them, and then reporting on those results. The point of this post is to try encourage more 'I' statement posts. Field reports are a great example of this. Even people just starting out can write a post that: * Articulates the problem they were trying to solve, * Actions they took to solve the problem, and * Whether or not their actions had the desired outcome I'd like to encourage those who are actively trying to make changes to write field reports. Why? Well, [read this](https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/qq60zw/why_field_reports_are_important/) - I'm not going to explain shit that others have already explained better than I can. With that said, I'll be actively moderating any more 'call-out' posts as I think we've got enough already. Yes, I am aware of the irony of writing a call-out post on call-out posts.",,51,threekindsoflucky,2022-05-12 03:18:05 marriedredpill,unkrgn,Are you new guys even trying to fuck?,"I wish I could count up the number of people claiming they aren't keeping a scorecard in the bedroom, but it wouldn't matter because they're all full of shit. In fact, the very second I read ""I stopped keeping score with sex,"" I already know they're lying because I guarantee in the same OYS post they're going to talk about how many times they initiated. Speaking of, there are a lot of guys, some of whom are months into this game, that are initiating a *pathetic* amount of times during the week. Just from this week's OYS: /u/pancakeOptimusPrime (53 weeks in - a full year) >Initiated once, fucked once. Just going through his OYS, this is a common trend for him. He's initiated 4 times in 5 weeks. /u/OYSFFFS >As a result of this, I’m going to try and stop giving a fuck about how often I am or am not feeling turned on, and only act on my desire when I truly, genuinely feel it coursing through my veins. If a week passes and, for whatever reason, I haven’t felt turned on, what does it matter? I have other things going on in my life. This guy, after hearing about a friend who has sex once a month, decides that maybe not initiating at all is a-okay for him. /u/Restlessmindsyndrome >I’m going to initiate this week only when I’m genuinely feeling horny and energized enough to have fun. Now in this guy's defense, he was sick, so he didn't want to have sex much that week. But it's his comment here that's going to springboard a point in a moment. /u/Hot_Cactus > 1/1 initiation: firm 'no'. >Escalate to 1x authentic initiation. This guy is initiating once and decides to escalate how often he initiates: to once. /u/roboKevoX >I was rejected twice this week. Both initiations were weak Initiated twice. Claims he's going to initiate more confidently. Doesn't mention more often. Now look, I'm not a seasoned vet here, but I'm writing this post to newer guys from the prospective of a retard (who is currently still fat and was literally banned about 6 weeks ago). You came here to MRP to FUCK. You stumbled upon this small den of cavemen because you were fed up with the state of your sex life, and you discovered the opportunity to figure your life out. I know it gets confusing because there's a heavy emphasis on *not* using sex for validation. Therefore, don't initiate as much, right? Just have sex when I really feel like it, right? Sex isn't all that important, right? That's a misconception. If you're a healthy male, you should have the urge to fuck. Often. I get that shit happens to prevent you from feeling up to it every day, but if you're feeling horny only 1-2 times a week for months on end, then there's something else you need to get checked. Maybe your T levels suck. Maybe you aren't managing stress correctly. Or maybe you're full of shit and you're avoiding initiating as a defense mechanism for your fragile ego. I speak from experience. I used to avoid initiating because I didn't know how to game my wife. I assumed it was a no, so I did a lot of reading about sex, thinking about initiating, and imagining some kind of fairy tale relationship with my wife where we fuck every day. But the truth is, you will only grow through action. Start initiating. Start running game. If you're months into this and aren't initiating often, then you're off the mark. And for god's sake: Stop with the ""authentic initiations"" contrived bullshit. *Oh, this week I* **plan** *to initiate with confidence!* Come on, man. Grow some balls. Start flirting. And initiate. Your OYS posts (and those of us reading) will benefit from it.",,62,AcademicDumbass,2022-05-11 21:40:38 marriedredpill,umdx5o,"Own Your Shit Weekly - May 10, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,18,AutoModerator,2022-05-10 08:30:09 marriedredpill,ultxjy,60 DoD '22 Week 6: Finances,"**Intro/Summary:** Let’s get those beta bucks in order. All of this is geared towards guys in the US but will be relevant abroad too. The biggest and most telling piece of information I want from anyone who comments on here is: ***What % of your income is set aside for the long term?*** There are lots of other questions I could ask but this is the “What are your lifts” question as it relates to your financial situation. David Deida talks about how masculinity can only be developed through challenge and austerity, and this absolutely relates to dominating your financial life: what you earn (challenge) and what you’re able to live on (austerity). These are the two levers you can pull in controlling your financial situation and that’s assuming that YOU (not your wife) is in control of the finances. If you’re not in control, my advice is to get hotter and better at sex so that her hypergamy will force her to increase your allowance. **Budget:** I hate budgeting. I don’t make budgets beyond (what are all my major bills) and don’t think you need to either. What you do need to do, is track what you earn each month and how many of those dollars did you keep for yourself. If that's in order it doesn't matter where you spend the rest. Almost everything you make is going to quickly belong to someone else, the grocery store, the movie theater, your gym, etc. You just need three numbers: Gross Income (big number on the paycheck) Net Income (smaller number on the paycheck) Long Term Savings (this is the one you got to figure out for yourself) Did it go in your 401k? count it. Building up your emergency fund. Count it. Did it go back into your business or your rental property. Count it. (BTW, if you’re self-employed, don’t be such a spaz about not knowing what your income and savings is. Just figure out a way to track something the same way every month.) Are you saving for a Mexico vacation this Summer? That’s short term doesn’t count. Saving for the next car? That’s a depreciating use asset and you’ll never see those dollars again, doesn’t count. After you do this, you might go, “holy shit I’m barely saving anything, where is all this money going?” And you’ll want to go down the depressing road of lining out your budget and you and you wife will be score boarding in no time about sephora and taxidermy and neither of those has anything to do with your actual financial problems. Have fun. **Net Worth:** List out your assets. Start with all your available cash savings. Then list all your investable assets (things that can be turned into cash and used elsewhere reasonably fast). *This section, the investable assets, is the thing that will dictate what you live on in retirement.* List out stuff that has value but can’t quickly or reasonably be turned into usable dollars (this is stuff like your primary residence, cars, jewelry, etc.) You cannot list things like your great education or your winning smile or your crossfit friendships. These things have no real value. List your debts on the other side of the page. Calculate the difference of the totals and that’s your net worth. You should end up with something that looks [like this](https://imgur.com/aW1xt8o). Be mindful of if you live in a community property state or not. **Investments/Inflation:** I’m not going to comment on what investments to make other than to say that if you have a match in your 401k, use it, and always look for all the potential tax advantages that you can. Inflation is actually getting some attention right now, but it doesn’t have to be significant to be a tremendous burden in your life. [This chart](https://imgur.com/ml3x05e) shows what regular inflation will do over your life. It might take over $120,000 at the end of your life to buy what $10,000 got you at age 20. Probably all the money you’re going to earn in your life will come in between age 20 and 65 but about 75% of all the dollars you’re going to spend will be spent in those last 35 years. That’s assuming 3% inflation, no increase in your lifestyle ever, no big medical stuff at the end of your life which are all things I would encourage you to prepare for. How much will you eventually need? Lets say you're in your 40's, you're going to need about 2x your current cashflow by the time your mid 60's roll around. A very common rule for what you can draw out of your investments in retirement is 4% and that's because they're assuming you're going to earn 7%, lose 3% to inflation leaving you with 4% to play with while keeping up with inflation for the last 30 years of your life. If it's 4% that means you need to have 300x your monthly draw socked away in your retirement. If it's 20 years in the future that's 600x. Some guy's stbxw on here is planning to not work and live on $3,500/m for foreseeable future. She'd need to accumulate 2.1M to retire with that lifestyle 20 years from now. That's a huge pile of money for someone planning to only live on $3,500/m forever. **Debt:** This is a personal choice. Some people do great with huge amounts of debt. Some people don't. Be aware of your interest rate. If it's close to 3% or less you're basically borrowing money for free after adjusting for inflation. If you have a debt in the 7%+ range, think of paying it off like getting a guaranteed return equal to your interest rate. **Emergency Fund:** This is your cash at the bank that’s earmarked for emergency use only. Not for the next car, or home down payment or summer vacation, **emergencies only**. I am a huge fan of setting up an account at a new bank specifically for this with no card, no online access or linked accounts. Make it so you have to go visit the bank to get your emergency funds. And pick a bank on the other side of town. Because of inflation you will be paying a price for every dollar you keep in your liquid emergency fund so measure how much you need and want against the inflation cost you're paying for it. Only you can determine what’s appropriate and it depends a lot on if you and your wife both work and how you feel about your job security. 1-3 months of your income can handle most of the emergencies life will throw at you. 1 month is better than 0, 2>1 and so on. You will eventually have an emergency necessitating the use of these funds and usually, it'll be small like an unexpected car or home repair. Bigger examples are usually medical, unexpected job loss & divorce. Also, even when there’s no emergency, these dollars help you sleep at night. Beyond that, this is the only part of what I'm talking about here that *can* add to your sexual strategy. A fat emergency fund can be a huge source of DNGAF power. It zaps away your financial neediness with new clients, bosses and competitors and in your relationship, it makes your go plan way more financially realistic. Every other part of this post is a [neutral beta signal](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/feeq65/communication_and_signals/) at best. **Conclusion:** **What % of your income is set aside for the long term?** If this amount is 10% or less of your gross income, how can you get that bumped up? Will 1% per year get you to 20%+ before you retire? That’s not a bad road to be on. Once you're saving more, not only will you build a bigger pile but you're living on less and the burden of replacing that is smaller. It's easier to replace 80% of your income by saving 20% than it is to replace 90% with 10%. What are you living on now and what’s it going to be when you get to retirement? Are you capable (through challenge and austerity) to cut everything in half and keep going? I talk to people all the time who say things like ""I can live on way less, it doesn't take much to make me happy, I don't need xyz and abc, I could start all over, I'd be fine with just bla bla bla....."" **Fucking try it.** Spend the next month or six trying to live on a small budget that you say you'd be happy with. If it works and you stay content, great, you saved a bunch and gave yourself the confidence in knowing. If it doesn't work, now you know where you stand and how little freedom you really have. &#x200B; One last thing before I go. u/Sorcererking asked me to comment on the impending debt market collapse and the bubble of everything. I'm not familiar with these because I don't pay attention to the doom and gloom stuff but that doesn't mean it's not coming. Not only are these things undoubtedly real and serious problems but there are other big catastrophes coming down the pipe that are not on anybody's radar. There are ""known unknowns"" and ""unknown unknowns"" and the latter is the most costly. &#x200B; Links to former posts: [2021](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/n8snqg/60_dod_week_6_mind_on_my_money_and_my_money_on_my/) [2020](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/gntzvp/60_dod_week_6_finances/) [2019](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/bjxj41/60_days_of_dread_week_6_finances_part_2/) [Non DoD post](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/9uep23/financial_freedom_first_steps/) [2018](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/8hii49/60_dod_week_6_finances/) [2017](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/6a6712/60_dod_week_6_finances/) [2016](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/488pa0/60_dod_week_6_finances/?ref=search_posts)",,24,ragnar_Daneskjold,2022-05-09 15:34:57 marriedredpill,uj8kf3,It’s not that complicated - one man’s guide to OYS,"Listen up fellow dickheads I’ll try and be brief. There’s been a string of really shitty OYS lately or maybe always. I haven’t been around here long enough to know other than what I’ve seen the past few weeks and it seems like the standards - as low as they already were for OYS - are getting worse. I’m not immune from this either, I still cringe when I reread many of mine, but hear me out on these ten simple rules bound together from just a cursory reading of this week’s latest installment of OYS. First. You need to post in here regularly. More so the newer you are at this. Under OYS #10? You should be in here like your life depends on it. Or don’t, it’s up to you. There’s a direct relationship between how new you are and how much you should be posting. Been here two years and haven’t made any progress or been here two years and have really improved? Same thing, probably don’t need to post much. But for the rest of you... Second. Have some fucking motivation behind what you are writing. So many guys lately come in here and wander around in the ether of their thoughts and feelings and other gay ruminations that matter less than 0% and are doing themselves a huge disservice. You’re wasting our time but you’re really wasting yours, writing about shit with no focus wasting your remaining time on this earth. Get passionate about putting your thoughts to paper and put some effort into this! When men do something, they do it 100%. Moreover, this is not 5th grade gym class, you should not be starting your OYS at noon on Tuesday (more on this below) or as though you are hungover and too good to be here. Third. While we are on the subject of FEELINGS please don’t. Seriously. No one wants to hear your feelings or what something made you feel like. You know who wants to share and embellish their feelings nearly every moment of their waking life? Your wife. So, unless she’s gay (which is possible, since your behavior nearly brought her to the brink - thinking of you Johnny Depp!) stop emulating her behaviors. Fourth. ROUGH DRAFTS before posting. It was famously recommenced here well before me to perform a rough “first draft” away from the preying eyes of this sub. That’s not hyperbole, you learned this in HS even if you went to public school. Its an axiom for a reason. One, it gets all the gay ass shit off your chest and out of the way first so you can smell it and flush it. Two, you can cry alone over your victim puke without embarrassing yourself. But also, sitting on it overnight and coming back to it will do you immeasurable wonders with your focus as it give s you time to digest what you are trying to imprint from your life to paper. I can almost guarantee that unless you are in the 10% of extra specials autists here that sleeping on your draft will cure 90% of your OYS posting problems. Fifth: Lifts are paramount. Say it again, lifting is life. In the service of this, we need to know what you can actually lift in these categories for us to take you seriously and offer constructive feedback: deadlift, bench, squat. Can’t even lift the bar, only a broomstick like this [fella](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/uhbhic/comment/i78oawh/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)? Come on in, that’s ok, at least you’re being honest with yourself and everyone here which shows us your not playing games and open to feedback and learning. Likewise, if you run miles each day, do HIIT from some app you paid $100 for, or otherwise participate in any fitness activities other than the (3) I mentioned that matter, great! Do it on your own time and leave it out of OYS. We don’t need to hear about it. Similarly, stop posting all your isometric and accessory lifts, sets, and sequences. Doesn’t matter. Sixth is for Sex. Not touching this much other than to say I just can’t with these sections each week. Have they always been this similar? Literally verbatim from guy to guy each week. I would even go so far as to suggest a moratorium on anyone posting anything remotely related to women for one OYS and see what we end up with. My guess is it would be a very low showing of posters and information because you guys have nothing else to write about. Seventh. Organization: headings, font size, and structure. I shouldn’t have to remind you all but I do. Posting your OYS # is also helpful. Eighth: your goals. Do not spend the entirety of your post talking, thinking, dreaming of your goals for the next week, month, year, lifetime. A goal for the purposes of OYS is something simply stated that can be achieved in a relatively short period of time, ideally a week. Someone much smarter than me once stated progress is made in baby steps. Even better, state your goal in as few words as possible. Ninth. Brevity. Speaking of, your whole OYS should be in as few words as possible (with rare exception). If you want to victim puke then your diary/journal, responses to your post, or r/askmrp are the place. Less is more. Say it again (5) times as you re-read your draft each week. Tenth: Golden rule: OYS can really be distilled into these three principles: **what was your goal for x last week; what did you do last week in the service of that goal; and what did you learn that you are going to correct/repeat?** The above is so we can help you help your sorry ass self. Remember that. That is all. References: this topic has been covered before: [https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/sz6a0p/the\_purpose\_of\_oys\_a\_reminder/](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/sz6a0p/the_purpose_of_oys_a_reminder/) [https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/jw7qxz/how\_to\_own\_your\_shit\_a\_guide\_for\_retards/](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/jw7qxz/how_to_own_your_shit_a_guide_for_retards/) [https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/d98kwv/oys\_go\_post\_now\_maybe\_find\_your\_morpheus/](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/d98kwv/oys_go_post_now_maybe_find_your_morpheus/) [https://theredarchive.com/archive/202050](https://theredarchive.com/archive/202050) [https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/5wla15/participation/](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/5wla15/participation/) [https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/4z84w5/posting\_quality\_guide\_for\_rmarriedredpill/](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/4z84w5/posting_quality_guide_for_rmarriedredpill/)",,7,ryaninthesky123,2022-05-05 22:05:21 marriedredpill,ui83ri,Shark Week,"Week in, week out I get to read about your wife's periods. I know more about your wive's periods than I know about my own wife's. Why? Because you guys write about it in your OYS all the time. Here's a few examples: A couple of weeks ago, the wife of [**u/Persimmon\_Dazzling**](https://www.reddit.com/user/Persimmon_Dazzling/) started her period while they were on an aeroplane. Imagine that! You can read the exciting details about it [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/u708fp/own_your_shit_weekly_april_19_2022/i5bnt6r/?context=3). Around the same time, u/UsefulWalk4 got a hard ""no"" while his wife was on the rag. OMG!! The salacious details can be found in this [comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/u708fp/own_your_shit_weekly_april_19_2022/i5dkn9s/?context=3). A few hours ago, u/SoggyTrain informed the sub that his wife's menstrual cycle only lasts about 3-4 days. 3 days... Holy Cow!!! Rivetting stuff, as [I'm sure you'll agree](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/uhbhic/own_your_shit_weekly_may_03_2022/i77xzam/?context=3)... And u/Hot_Cactus told us that he never gets any while his wife's vagina is bleeding. Shock, horror!! Though - even when he does get some - [that he only lasts about two seconds](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/uhbhic/own_your_shit_weekly_may_03_2022/i78oawh/?context=3). LOL So why do we get so much information about your wive's periods? Well, because you're a bunch of retarded cunts who are obsessed with the minute details of your wife's lives. And you think that by doing so, it will help you in your quest to get her to fuck you more often. (I say ""quest"" but I really mean ""mission""). Some of you retards even go as far as tracking their periods, like [this fuckwit](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/uhbhic/own_your_shit_weekly_may_03_2022/i78oawh/?context=3) \- u/SwordHolder69 I bet that some of you track the number and size of your wive's bowel movements too. That's how highly I regard you twats. OK, I get it - Athol Kay told you that you should do this. So that's why you do it. When she's bleeding you ""up the Beta comfort"" because the book says so. And Athol is a Sex God - after all he has fucked his [wife over 5,000 times](https://www.insideedition.com/2441-husband-and-wife-say-they-have-sex-every-day). Lucky Athol, she's a fucking beaut.. forget about Shark Week.. he's got Land Whale Year, every day of his life. Oh, the joy! I'm not telling you *not* to write about Shark Week. I'm not telling you *not* to behave differently when your wife is on the rag. I'm not telling you what to do or what not to do. I'll leave it up to you guys. I'm sure you won't fuck it up.",,54,[deleted],2022-05-04 14:39:57 marriedredpill,uhbhic,"Own Your Shit Weekly - May 03, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,18,AutoModerator,2022-05-03 08:30:09 marriedredpill,uh018m,60 DoD '22 Week 5: Game,"Game is typically the week where we have the least to say here, since so much has been said everywhere else. I hope you've been utilizing those resources this week and practicing coming out of your shell? This year, I'll give an extra component to think about. Hard times are coming, maybe some of the worst we've seen in living memory. The value of community will increase significantly when that sets in. Your skills in making friends and seducing women can be useful in that situation, as you may find yourself in need of organizing your neighborhood, negotiating the peace, and otherwise getting along in a Mad Max world. So as you move around the world, remember to ""game everybody"" and get to know those in your immediate sphere of influence. You just never know... If you have some interesting perspectives or goals, log here, report what you've been up to in OYS tomorrow.",,9,SorcererKing,2022-05-02 21:20:27 marriedredpill,uc7s8m,"Own Your Shit Weekly - April 26, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,18,AutoModerator,2022-04-26 08:30:08 marriedredpill,ubj4m6,Year 1 at MRP - Sex shame and anger,"This is the story of my first active year at MRP, and also my first post . Maybe some of the new guys find it helpful. Advanced MRP's will find a usual story. I was basically a Nice Guy ^(TM). I hid my faults, was ashamed of my sex needs, and expected to have a problem free life with my wife. I was not getting the expected response from her and she even mentioned to leave. This shocked me to the point I had to rebuild myself: I became more selfish, felt that I could not trust my wife to be on my team, assigned money allowance for house expenses, and got time for me. Although it was good changes, sex was still missing and anger was being more apparent. I got to the point where I had no problem to express my anger, but I did have problems to express my sexual needs. This is where I started at MRP. In my case, anger and sex needs were so mixed, that I was bouncing between them back and forth for many OYS (many, many OYS). When I focused on sex issues, my anger activated, preventing me from STFU and/or activating the butthurt feeling. When I recognized anger was active, I worked on anger issues and fucked up because sex needs where too strong. At some point, after 6 or 7 months, I realized that I had to take a decision to separate them. First address one, then the other. The first impulse was to address sex first, as this was a ""*need*"", while anger was … well, just anger. By analyzing, I understood it was an ego trap. The way to go was to address first anger and see what was hiding there, and then go for the sex issues. I decided to dedicate some weeks to work on my anger. I stopped sex for that time, and actively tracked my anger weak points, loss of frame, how I was sabotaging my own life, how I was contributing to my anger … this link helped me a lot. I recommend it if you are dealing with anger. [A\_process\_for\_letting\_go\_of\_anger](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/4br3sm/a_process_for_letting_go_of_anger/) At the end of this process, I was able to deconstruct my “Anger” into smaller “anger” items, and worked with each of the smaller items. At the end, anger level was much lower than before, and I was able to have a conversation and really DNGAF, because It really did not affected me as before. In comparison, there was almost no reaction and no need to DEER. The understanding of my situation, my partner needs and my own needs was way more clear. I was not emotionless, I was anger-less. At this point, I was able to address my sex shame. Without anger, my old problems where still the same problems, but now they were mine. There was no one to blame, because the anger bomb was deactivated. Not even me. No blame, but responsibility. Own my shit. It took me nine months, and on a winter day, I had no choice but to accept the fact that I am responsible for my needs … including sexual needs. Not my wife, or anybody else. After nine fucking months, my mind was clear, and my feelings at peace with it. I was ok with myself. Even if I was still a “fucked-up self”. It was naturally the moment to make it clear also to my wife that I was taking care of my needs. And I did. After that moment of truth, my life improved steadily. I realized life was not doing anything to me. I was doing it to me. As soon as I started taking care of myself, things improved. Sex also improved a lot, although still lot of work to do. And because I am not starving for sex anymore, I am left with a lot of mental free time. I realize how much mental space was assigned to sex. Finally, I fucked up many, many times, before I had any success. I failed miserably for weeks and months, and I continue to fail weekly. Fail, analyze, apply changes, try again. This process worked fine for the long term, and honestly, I did not found any cheat codes yet. If you are interested in checking my OYS, think about it twice, they are not so interesting. This has been my journey for this year. I wanted to share, as others did before. I wish it will be useful for new guys here. I usually do not follow the indicated path, but the basics are there for something: Lift, Read and STFU is a good way to go. And honesty. Be honest with your yourself.",,67,omured,2022-04-25 11:40:28 marriedredpill,uaaaci,60 DoD '22 Week 4: Style,"Welcome to the Style week. This is typically a favorite here as it affords the opportunity for self-expression. Put another way, it is a way to fake it until you make it. Like hygiene, good style can work for you without you opening your mouth. As such, it helps to form the first-first impression people have of you. We have different styles of clothes because it makes a statement about who you are, what you are doing right now, and maybe what you do most of the time. Psychologists have done a ton of research on this area, with the sort of results you might expect: people react differently to the same behavior depending on how the actor is dressed. Clothes make the man. So your challenge is not only to upgrade your wardrobe to nice-looking and well-fitting pieces (see prior year style guides for help here), but also to leverage the *psychology of clothing* to your advantage. Think for a moment about James Bond. Bond going to the casino? Impeccable tuxedo. Bond heading to the beach or going boating somewhere hot? Linen shirt and trousers with Topsiders. Bond infiltrating Apple headquarters to get dirt on Steve Jobs? Black turtle neck. Oh, well that's awkward. You get the picture, right? Don't copy Bond style-wise, take a clue from him about *controlling people's perception of you and what you're about by how you dress*. You don't always have to wear jeans and a tight t-shirt with a badass leather jacket. There is a time and place for nearly any outfit; discover those pairings. Declare any goals here and continue to track (with progress toward prior week goals too) in the upcoming OYS. Should you be captured we will disavow all knowledge of your wardrobe. Good luck.",,26,SorcererKing,2022-04-23 17:22:40 marriedredpill,u708fp,"Own Your Shit Weekly - April 19, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,23,AutoModerator,2022-04-19 08:30:09 marriedredpill,u5cr5x,60 DoD '22 Week 3: Hygiene,"Ok, for Week 3, you should be focused on your hygiene. As per the usual, there are great resources on the sidebar for setting goals and making improvements in this area. However, let's take this opportunity to talk about why this area can be difficult to improve. Perhaps more so than any of the other weeks, the hygiene week asks you to really step outside of your own ego and really *see* yourself. Do you look slovenly? Is your haircut shit? Do you need a shave? What do your teeth look like? How about your fingernails? Skin? Bloodshot eyes? Next, you have to have empathy for the smells others have to endure when they are around you. Do you have B.O.? Coffee breath or other foulness? Do you have smelly feet? Cheap cologne or aftershave? Finally, what is the touch experience your wife might have to survive when being intimate with you? Beyond what I've already mentioned, how about too much body hair in places that are unflattering? Sores, rough skin in the wrong places, scabs -- all of this adds to or subtracts from the sensory experience. The lucky part for you: these things are usually fixable. You can get a better haircut. You can clip your nails more regularly. You can treat that fungus. Now that you're eating better, some things might fix themselves, but you can look into the role diet plays in hygiene and further amend your dietary habits to be more inclusive or exclusive of the right and wrong things. Shower more often, buy better cologne -- it all has a fix, and that fix is in your power. So let's really reflect here guys, and start moving toward just being a better overall sensory experience for everyone in your orbit. Make some declarations below, and as usual, track your progress in OYS.",,28,SorcererKing,2022-04-17 01:56:52 marriedredpill,u1u5ps,"Own Your Shit Weekly - April 12, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,20,AutoModerator,2022-04-12 08:30:08 marriedredpill,tyqazo,Meaning in Life,"**Preface** 3KL’s post titled “Sex and the obsession thereof” made me think that writing something on meaningful living may be useful. This post contains some thoughts and suggestions for finding meaning in life (MIL) based on a combination of existing research, philosophy, and techniques used in therapy. If you haven’t read 3KL’s post, then start there before you read this since what I’m writing is complementary. 3KL wrote, “Sex is not enough to sustain a man. Find what sustains you and go do that.” What I’m writing is aimed at people who saw that but don’t know where to start, for those who don’t think their lives are particularly meaningful, and for those whose primary source of MIL comes from one domain of their life (i.e., “the *only* thing that makes my life meaningful is my wife/family/job/achievement/insert reason”). &#x200B; **Definition and Intro to MIL** MIL, according to one of the most dominant conceptualizations of it within the psychological literature, is operationalized as being “the subjective evaluation that one’s life is significant, has purpose, and makes sense.” It is not the same thing as “the meaning *of* life,” as that topic is not quantifiable or measurable and is generally reserved for discussions within the field of philosophy or by religious communities. The subject of MIL is a fairly robust area of research within psychology, and I’ll provide some general findings. Put simply, people who experience their lives as meaningful tend to enjoy good outcomes – things like greater levels of happiness, life satisfaction, and work enjoyment. Low perceptions of meaning, on the other hand, are associated with negative outcomes – things like greater levels of depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation, and substance abuse. The sum of the research indicates that meaning matters, but how do you get a sense of meaning in your life? &#x200B; **Predictors of MIL** Well, it depends. In *Man’s Search for Meaning*, Viktor Frankl, a psychiatrist who survived Auschwitz, wrote, “the meaning of life differs from man to man...” This philosophical assertion was eventually empirically validated. In 1998 and 1999, three researchers working independently of one another found the same four categories of predictors of MIL. By this, I mean that the researchers conducted studies (both quantitative and qualitative) by examining a variety of variables and then analyzing them to see which ones were associated with MIL, with all three researchers finding very similar data. There was some slight variation in what they named the categories, but the core or essence of each predictor was the same. The four categories that predict MIL based on their findings – again, each researcher “discovered” these based on their own, independent work – are: 1. Achievement/life work 2. Relationships/intimacy 3. Religion/spirituality 4. Self-transcendence/generativity/service Essentially, what this means is that, when people regard their lives as meaningful, they typically cite one (or several) of these categories as being the reason. &#x200B; **Practical Application** As 3KL pointed out in his post, it is important to pursue something greater and more meaningful than sex. I can’t tell you what to pursue and I can’t tell you what will make your life feel meaningful since it’s different for each person. What I can do is provide some things for consideration that may help you as you think through it on your own. To start, I’d recommend considering those four categories and reflecting on which of them stand out to you the most as being sources of meaning in your own life. It may not be obvious to you and the question may be too open-ended, so I’ll provide a couple of exercises that tend to resonate with people who are looking for meaning. The first exercise is called the Life Line and is focused on your past. Take a blank sheet of paper and draw a line across it. Draw a mark at one end of the line to represent your birth and a second mark at the other end of the line to represent the present day. After that, start adding marks to the line that represent significant moments, occurrences, or events in your life and label the marks so that you know what each one means. After you’re done, take a look at the line and the things from your life that you considered noteworthy enough to be included. Are there any themes? By themes, I mean recurring ideas or concepts that are present in multiple marks. For example, if you add ten marks to your line and three of them represent the times that you volunteered at a homeless shelter, tutored fourth graders in your spare time, and visited a hospital dressed as Santa at Christmas, then “helping others,” “service,” “volunteerism,” or “altruism” could be listed as the underlying theme. The theme speaks to what you value. What you value may help you figure out what makes your life feel meaningful. What makes your life feel meaningful will help you figure out what you want to spend more of your time doing and pursuing. The second exercise is focused on the future. To start, imagine that it is many years in the future and that you've just died. Spend some time writing down what you’d hypothetically want said about you after your death, whether in your obituary or eulogy. What would you want to have accomplished? What would you want to be remembered for? What aspects of your life would you want highlighted? After you write that stuff down, re-read it, and see what stands out to you. Are there any themes? Do any of the themes from this exercise overlap with what you wrote on your Life Line? If there aren’t any themes, what seems noteworthy to you within the context of looking for a meaningful pursuit? After you’re finished with all this, spend some time comparing what you wrote down in both exercises to what you actually do with your time. How much of your time is spent doing the stuff that you value? How much of your time is spent on things that you didn’t write down in either exercise? &#x200B; **Conclusion** These are some suggestions that can help get the ball rolling as you mull over what may be worth pursuing. For some, you may already have a strong source of MIL but may notice that it only comes from one domain in your life. For example, you may really value the work that you do and think that it is one of, if not the most, significant components of your life. To you, I’d recommend diversifying your sources of MIL by considering what else makes you feel like your life matters. You may think that your life is abundantly meaningful, but you open yourself up to risk if that meaning comes from only one thing. A deep well is fine as your only source of water when times are good. When drought hits and all 57 of your extended family members come over to drink from your well and it quickly runs dry, you’ll wish you had access to more sources of water. In the same way, gaining all of your meaning from one thing is fine as long as you have that one thing, but losing it hits much harder than if you had multiple things. If any of this resonates with you, then the final thing that I'll leave you with is the recommendation to read *Man's Search for Meaning* by Viktor Frankl. It's fairly short and is split into two sections, with the first being focused on his experiences in the concentration camps and the second being an exploration of his philosophical ideas related to MIL. His theoretical assertions serve as the foundation for virtually all psychological research done on MIL and he is a huge influence on existential psychotherapy. The book will likely provide you with more things to consider when it comes to living meaningfully. ",,38,Arkonian_Monk,2022-04-07 23:53:51 marriedredpill,tybnn7,60 DoD '22 - Eating for Health and Fitness,"This week's topic on dread is Eating for Health and Fitness. Let me start off by saying anyone over 15% bodyfat who isn't competing in some kind of heavy lifting meet, this post is geared toward your fat ass. There is absolutely no reason any of ya'll should be above 15% bodyfat. In fact anyone over 20% that's looking at this right now, I expressly forbid you to read it unless you are doing some type of light cardio: treadmill, stair stepper, bike, or head out into the neighborhood and go for a walk. I cannot tell you the number of OYSs I see posted on a regular basis where guys' numbers are over 15%, up at 18%, or even over 20% consistently. It is not hard to lose weight. Really. That's not a locker room mentality aimed at convincing you that something that's complicated isn't with the ""right mindset"". It's truly not hard. &nbsp; Who am I to give this advice? [Here's my qualifications](https://imgur.com/a/osaGBJk). My yearly bod pod test I got at the end of March, where the nurse tech was nearly creaming her pants when I stripped to compression shorts and was literally (yes I used the word right) short of breath post-test. I gained 4lbs of muscle, lost 9 lbs of straight fat from a BF% of 12. And the best part? I'm currently enjoying Cadbury Creme eggs. I gorged myself on about 12 dozen Christmas cookies over the month of December. I eat ice cream at least twice a week. I get my veggies in. I get my protein in. And I'm satisfied and satiated with what I eat. I've tried a bunch of different methods experimenting here and there and kept a multitude of ideas. My notes are below. I've organized them in succession from the very basics, to more advanced tips and tricks you can dig into as you get your shit together. &nbsp; **Starting Off** How do we get this gravy train rolling? Dieting isn't an exact science. There will be intelligent guessing on top of intelligent guessing. So the more sure you can be of all these variables, the better you're going to be able to figure out what you need to do to make progress. First, you need to figure out where you are and where you want to get to. That's called a goal. &nbsp; **Gamechanger: Nail down your starting point.** Figure out a way you can get your Body Fat and Resting Metabolic Rate measured accurately. I know the OYSs are filled with guys who have calipers, are using a ""mirror test"", or a Navy formula. These are basic (re: lazy) and inaccurate and inconsistent measures of testing. Even bioelectric impedance is garbage. Especially on those cheap bathroom scales. And it's highly variable based on what you've eaten for the day and current hydration levels. As a comparison: My bod pod measurement says 7%. My scale says 16.6% Calipers, 6% Navy, 13% Pictures, depending on which set you choose, anywhere from 7 to 13%. You can [tell me](https://imgur.com/a/yUuq6Xx) though. Here's a nice site to compare. https://rippedbody.com/body-fat-guide/ Considering past experience and all the above, I truly believe I'm closer to 9% than 7. Back on topic though. &nbsp; *Where/How?* I've heard of mobile Dexa scans stopping at gyms and offering scans for $50. I've heard of colleges/universities having Bod Pod available. If you can find a place that does hydrostatic weighing, you're set. Pick up the phone and call around. Call university health centers. Call gyms. Call hospitals. Call physical therapy centers. What's the worst they can say, no? Call the local business in your area that's trying to cash in on the next wave of fatties trying to lose weight with their ""revolutionary technique"". Yeah the technique is garbage. But if you can get a Dexa scan out of it for cheap, do it and then ghost them. &nbsp; > BF measurement is inaccurate I am aware that because of the inaccuracies of nearly all body fat measurements, we wont be 100% sure of where our starting point is. That doesnt mean we dont try to find one. A trend line requires 2 points at least. If you get 6 months down the road and take your ""end"" point but dont have a start, you do not have a trend. You are literally as lost as you can be. I used to work with a guy who said that because the error in the overall measurement I was trying to make was greater than the error of the tool I'm using to measure one data point, that there was no point in trying to minimize the error of that data point. That's retarded. Get your first data point. &nbsp; Once you do that you'll need one more thing. **Facts: You breathe out 85% of the fat you lose.** Your RMR is how many calories your body needs to simply lie down for 24 hours. Short of directly measuring it via heat production, it can be indirectly measured by fitting you with a mask, and measuring the oxygen you consume and CO2 you breathe out for a minute or two. A device that measures this will be harder to find, but in those calls youre making, ask if anyone does it. If you have these two numbers measured you'll be much better off than someone using an online formula. Your Total Daily Energy Expenditure is how many calories you need in a day accounting for activity. These are the formulas you'll find online telling you where you can set that calorie level to break even. Often calculators for this number ask you a very vague question concerning your activity level (desk job, light aerobic, moderate exercise, etc). None of you are athletes over 15%. Dont even try it. For anyone with an office job, put in that you're sedentary. And unless you're digging ditches all day, you're more than likely not going to get above ""light activity"". We arent counting any kind of working out in this number. You'll see why later. &nbsp; *For Comparison* 6 years ago at 170lbs and 0 prior lifting I was 5%BF at 5'11'' and my RMR was 1900 calories. That means if I eat 1900 calories in a day...I'm guaranteed to lose weight. Because *at the very least* I will be up and moving about...and burning more than 1900 doing so. A pound of fat burns 2-3 calories a day. And a pound of muscle 6-7. So if you must use a calculator to find your RMR, do so. Then add in those fat and muscle numbers. You will refine that number over the next 6 months - year. But I would still expect it to be close to the 2000 calorie mark unless you are drastically taller, fatter, or more muscular. &nbsp; *The formula.* Once you find these two numbers, then we're just plugging them in and getting ourselves moving. How many % are you off your desired body fat? Multiply your current weight by 0.01. Multiply that number by that number of % you're off. That's how many pounds you need to lose. &nbsp; **Facts: A pound of fat is about 3600 calories.** Want to lose 10 lbs? That's 36,000 calories. Want to do it in 6 months? That's about 200 a day deficit from your TDEE. Be prepared for the bounce. In the first week you will lose weight. A lot of it will be water weight which fluctuates wildly for the amount of sugar, salt, and carbs you consume. It likely will happen week 2 and 3 as well. And then you will likely level off and potentially bounce. Dont even put this weight loss on your OYS. It's nothing to be proud of. It's just the bounce. The real work is coming. &nbsp; **Strategy: Subtract 2-300 more.** Your body isn't going to continue burning calories all happily as you slowly drop fat. There's a certain ""tolerance zone"" within which the body will automatically try and adjust to this by subconsciously slowing you down, making you more tired, making you do less reps and take more breaks. There's also that factor of inaccuracy. If you wanted to lose 1 pound and you ate at a deficit of 10 calories for 360 days...you'd likely stay the same weight. So that TDEE minus 200 calories? Subtract 2-300 more. &nbsp; *Summary.* Once you have the limit of the number of calories you need to stop at to lose weight, get a diet tracking app that can scan barcodes and easily input calories. Use it with EVERY item of food you put in your mouth. Get a food scale. Actually weigh, log, and track your weight and calories eaten and burned on that app. If you ate a pretzel stick, it goes in the app. This shit adds up really fast. It's easy during the day to set aside that tablespoon of jelly, that extra bite of cheese, and handful of peas, scoop of potatoes, but in the app at the end of the day it all adds up to hundreds of calories. Weigh yourself first thing every morning naked, after taking a piss. And log it on the app. This will be the trend from which you will see how your body responds to losing weight. This is the bare bones basics for achieving a starting point for dieting. If you have this locked down and mapped out, and are making it a habit to log and track your weight and food, proceed. &nbsp; **What You Eat** Before MRP my consistent diet was waking up and eating a bowl of ~~suger~~ cereal and milk, with ~~suger~~ orange juice. At noon I would eat 1/4 bag of doritos, a PB&J, and a can of ~~sugar~~ soda and likely ~~sugar~~ candy as a snack. I'd eat a ""normal"" dinner of protein and carbs, likely no veggies, and then have about 4-5 ~~sugar~~ cookies at night before bed. How I didn't become a diabetic I dont know. I had these three meals a day, and my body would **really** crave these meals as meal time got closer to the point that within an hour of the time to eat, I couldn't really focus on anything but food. &nbsp; **Facts: Ghrelin.** Ghrelin is a hunger hormone produced by the stomach. It is responsible for the short-term cycle of feeding (over 24 hours) and habitually rises right before a meal as conditioned by your normal feeding time. It operates *directly* on ""hedonic and reinforcing aspects"" of the ""Ventral Tegmental Area and mesolimbic pathway (IE, Nucleus Accumbens)"" For those who aren't neuroscientists, whenever you see VTA and NA think ""Pavlovian response."" So it's not the food that makes you hungry, it's the habitual time that you normally eat. *Expect* this. It's not your body saying ""you should eat"". It's your body saying ""we usually eat now"". &nbsp; **Gamechanger: Drop the shit YOU KNOW is bad for you.** The very first thing I did to change my diet was drop the doritos, coke, and sugar juices. And what I noticed from that is that on my drive home at 4:30 I wasn't literally falling asleep while driving because of a sugar crash. I'm not talking *yawn* ""I'm tired"". I'm talking ""were my eyes just closed for the last 10 seconds? Am I even awake now or talking to myself in my sleep?"" &nbsp; *Get it out of the house.* What kind of absolute garbage are you putting in your body. I know it tastes ~~addictive~~ good. That's why those foods are so prevalent. How can you cut those things out? First and foremost Stop Buying Them. If that kind of food is in my house I will eat it. If it is not, I'm too much of a lazy fuck to get up, drive to the store to get it, then sit down and eat it. If any of you tell me ""But my wife keeps buying it"", start buying your own food. If she brings it home anyway and it's not for her, as soon as she gets it out of the shopping bag, throw it out. Is there butter in your house? Throw it out. You literally do not need it for anything. Soda? Throw it out. Buy near-zero calorie drinks like fresca, and the fake-sugar drink mixes (caveat for their unstudied impact on gut health and dopamine training). Frozen-foods? Not only are they ridiculously overpriced, but they taste like shit and are full of salt and calories. Many frozen meals and pizzas contain 40% of the salt and I've seen up to 80% of the saturated fat you need for a day *in one serving*. It's absurd. Throw that shit out. &nbsp; > Alright blarg I've thrown everything out and have nothing in my house but cardboard. What do I eat? **Protein** You need at least 1g/lb of protein in your diet. Your meals will be centered around getting that. Put the protein powder on the shelf. You can get your daily amount from food. And that food will fill you up more than the powder will. Chicken, fish, beef, pork, turkey, crabs, shellfish, and eggs are all great choices. Eggs can be made in several ways and are a good source of cholesterol. > But I thought cholesterol was bad? You want to know what the molecular precursor to testosterone is in the body? [Cholesterol.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Testosterone#/media/File:Steroidogenesis.svg) &nbsp; **Facts: Testosterone.** Testosterone is of course the major androgen in the body. ""Androgens inhibit the ability of some fat cells to store lipids."" More testosterone, less fat. ""Androgens promote the enlargement of skeletal muscle cells"". More testosterone, more muscle. ""**The majority of the daily testosterone release in men occurs during sleep.**"" Since this is a post on health as well...how's your sleep? Shitty? You've heard it before, the bedroom is for sleeping and fucking. &nbsp; **Gamechanger: Sleep.** Let's sidebar real quick into some sleep tips. Orexin is a hormone that has a lot to do with metabolism and sleep regulation and the *urge* to eat (rather than the physical sensation). Lack of sleep fucks with your hormones. You ever pull an all nighter for work or school and then find yourself helplessly binging on food the next day? There you go. If your sleep habits are poor, stop fucking yourself over. Some things to look into are: -Consistent bedtime -Consistent wake time, preferably by natural light. -Try to not eat or drink too close to bed -Alcohol will fuck with your deep sleep -Blackout curtains -White noise or fan humming (sorry Asians) -Tape over light sources in the room (power standby LEDs) -Buy quality sheets with high thread count -Check out weighted blankets -Buy more pillows -Buy extra king size pillows to spoon with and for back support for side sleepers. -Put a pillow between your knees -Get animals/children off your bed and out of your room. -Foam ear plugs to muffle sound. -Keep your room on the cooler side. -Three words: Vibrating bed frame End sidebar. &nbsp; *A graph for the spergs.* Protein is a staple in every meal. You need it. It has a controlled digestion. [It doesnt slam down the drive to eat](https://images.app.goo.gl/YiDwmA4NUM4BTm3D7), it gradually slows it and gradually raises it over hours. And it can be very low in calories for its volume. For me, chicken is the leanest and cheapest protein. I'm not talking about rotisserie chicken that they cook with butter all over it. I'm not talking about frozen chicken tenders. I'm talking about raw chicken breasts that you cook. It won't have the savory taste that some of the other meats have. But here, spices are your friend. &nbsp; **Gamechanger: Spices and seasonings.** You want bland food to taste good? Start buying a variety of dry spices to put on it. The staples for me are salt and garlic. I air fry my chicken and with just salt and garlic I can eat it just like that and it's delicious. Followed closely by pepper, lemon pepper, red pepper (no heat), and red pepper flakes (heat). Then you can start to introduce near-zero calorie sauces like vinegar based hot sauce, and soy sauce. Not creative? Buy the pre-mixed seasonings like japanese 7 spice or monterey chicken or brown sugar and bourbon. oOr if you're into mexican, the generic dry taco seasoning. Want a touch more? Look for the asian sauces in your grocery aisle for ones that are only 20-40 calories per 2 2tbsp. Even some cheap queso's are 20 calories per tbsp. Lots of flavor, low calories. &nbsp; **Carbs** Sugars get lumped in to carbs when talking about macronutrients but the distinction needs to be made: You should be trying to eliminate sugars from your diet when losing weight. They have one great utility, and we'll get to that in the more advanced section later. But most men know sugars for their ability to rapidly spike insulin levels. &nbsp; **Facts: Insulin.** Insulin is ""the main anabolic hormone of the body"". It's produced by the pancreas in response to glucose in the blood. Anabolic, the opposite of catabolic, means building up. And in short, insulin will stuff energy into your muscles for use and grow those same muscles. When they are full however (and unless you are burning that storage in the muscle + the 400 or so calories of storage in the liver...then you can assume they are always full), insulin will stuff that energy into fat cells. When you are fat, you develop insulin resistance. If you have insulin resistance, insulin does not signal well in your body. If insulin does not signal, you have trouble supplying and building muscle. Among many other problems. &nbsp; > What's a burger without a bun? Sugar aside, when I talk about carbs I'm talking about rice, pasta, bread. You know...the things you usually only eat because they act as a vehicle to get food into your mouth. Which is really kinda stupid when you think about it. Let's talk about carbs and volume then. It's likely that you staring down at 3 ounces of baked, shredded chicken with some spices on it isnt going to satisfy you. You'd usually fill that bowl with carbs like rice, pasta, or bread in order to make it more of a ""meal"". *Going green.* And not because we're hippies. It's practical and it works. Try putting in about the same volume of frozen peas or fresh spinach. Then see how you are. Same volume. Same purpose. Low calorie. Veggies taste like shit to you? Yeah me too. In fact I hated everything but corn as a veggie years ago. But then I asked ""What can I stand? What can the spices hide so that it tastes good, and still replaces carbs."" I found that there's actually a lot of different veggies I can put with my protein that fill me up and after a while, start to actually taste good. Experiment with different veggies. Shred them up into your meals so that you can't really taste them and/or find one that doesnt necessarily taste bad. Broccoli tastes like shit. But the florets at the tip, when fresh (not frozen...oh god frozen broccoli tastes terrible and smells like baby puke), can be shaved off and add no taste. That's where most of the nutrients are anyway. Other things like eggplant, spaghetti squash, celery, carrots, cauliflower...all these things can replace carbs really easily. Want more empty volume? How about tofu. It really has no taste and little calories but is big on volume. They even make it now in the form of pasta. Shred it up and add it to your proteins. &nbsp; **Fats** Short section on fats. They aren't useless. In fact they are very useful in combination with enabling uptake and use of vitamins, and the regulation and creation of neurotransmitters and hormones. Every gram of protein and carb contains 4 calories. Every gram of fat contains 9. Not to say fat is evil. But by the time anything you eat with it makes you feel somewhat full? You've likely eaten too much. So beware. And do not look at fats as a source of energy. But healthy ways to go about getting this are low sugar spreadable peanut butter / almond butter / etc., the nuts themselves, and fattier fish and cuts of meat. *Alcohol* You want to know what *is* evil? Well, at least in terms of diet: Alcohol. Alcohol contains about 7 calories per gram. So when you drink that beer, imagine that you're drinking slightly less caloric FAT. In addition, if you think you can simply ""fit"" alcohol into your calories for the day, understand that alcohol as a substitution for calories results in a short term (<24hours) reduction of available energy in your muscles by up to 50%. Put down the alcohol until you get your diet well under control. &nbsp; *Summary* It's going to require a revamping of your grocery list and reconditioning of your palette. And potentially a little tracking to make sure your grocery bill doesnt skyrocket from fresh veggies. But I guarantee if you put some effort into it, you will find meals you can make that taste good, are filling, and are low calorie. I'll give you just a few of my go-to low calorie meals: -Chicken and fries. Chicken breast with lemon pepper and cut baking potatoes in my airfryer (have I talked about buying an airfryer in here anywhere? Go buy one. Why are you heating up your entire stove to bake two tiny chicken breasts when you can do it in the air fryer, get that crispiness, with none of the oil needed). And even if you do want that oil taste? You can even coat the cut up potatoes in 1tbsp of peanut oil which is STILL much healthier than dunking and frying them in it. Tastes just like boardwalk fries. -Stir fry light. Cubed chicken breasts in a wok with celery, peas, carrots, peppers, onion, broccoli crowns, and soy sauce and red pepper flakes. No rice needed. The veggies are the vehicle. -Boiled Shrimp. That's it. Boiled shrimp coated in hot spices. About as low calorie as you can get. -Salad with vinaigrette and shredded chicken breast -Chicken pasta, with the pasta substituted by spaghetti squash. -Chicken and peas. Shredded chicken and peas with garlic, salt, pepper, lime juice, and sriracha sauce. &nbsp; **Eating Less Versus Burning More** So we've tackled different kinds of foods to eat. Now let's talk about the difference between simply eating less calories than we need, or burning more calories than we ate. Every single one of you is going to have a problem with eating less. When going on a diet, hunger teams up with hormone cycles and habit to knock your ass back into fat-ville within the first few weeks after the dopamine high and rush of doing something different wears off. Just in time for your weight bounce on the scale. What's worse, as you do lose weight, things get harder. &nbsp; **Facts: Leptin.** Leptin is a satiety hormone released by fat cells to cause you to feel full. It acts more as a long term regulator with a more stable 24-hour cycle not necessarily centered on meal time. As you diet and lose fat, leptin decreases, and you feel less full. *Expect this.* &nbsp; *Well duh.* In addition, eating less is eventually going to deplete you of energy you need to function. We had an OYS by a flared member a few years ago that was wondering why on his 1400 calorie a day plan he had to drop his squat by 60lbs because he couldn't lift it and was almost blacking out. If you do not fuel, your body is going to start shutting down. Plain and simple. &nbsp; In my personal opinion, if you are so god damn fat that working out in itself is dangerous to your joints or heart, then eating less calories than you need to lose weight is the way to go. At least to get down to a point where you can start to add some cardio into the plan. Otherwise it's going to be much easier to eat enough to satiate you throughout the day, while also exercising enough to burn more than that excess. In this way, your body is technically full while dieting. And all we're tackling is the natural feelings we get from losing weight rather than the 1-2 combo of those PLUS all the feelings of being hungry. An easy way to do this is to set the number of calories you want in a day equal to your RMR (say 2000) and eating above your RMR (2400), but burning the difference between the two (400-600). &nbsp; **Strategy: Be real about how much you burn through exercise.** Online estimations are pretty good about giving a value for the number of calories burned for an hour of a workout. But you need to be honest about how much you're exerting yourself as well. I'm going to give some examples I've used for the last 6 years: -One hour of lifting at high intensity (I will start to fail on set 3 or 4): 210 calories an hour (1 minute break between sets). -Running: 125 calories a mile. -Swimming: 125 calories every 15 minutes (of constant freestyle) -Biking: 125 calories every 15 minutes (at a resistance at the edge of comfort) -Climbing: 200 calories for 2 hours Most other machines like stair steppers, assault bike, or rowing machine will calculate calories burned for you. &nbsp; > I dont do cardio. Many of you dont really subscribe to cardio and only do that hour of lifting...maybe even only 3-4 times a week. It really is worth it to put a couple miles of cardio in so you can eat and feel FULL for the day, than to not do cardio. Even Arnold was doing 3 miles of cardio before workouts in his glory days. What do you hate worse? Doing 15-30 minutes of cardio? Or feeling that empty/starving sensation and knowing you have 3 hours until your next meal? &nbsp; **Gamechanger: Browse youtube while walking.** I was sitting on my couch one day a few years ago watching a football game. I wasn't really interested in it, I was just killing time. But I thought...""why dont I just stream this on my phone while walking leisurely on the treadmill?"" What's the difference? And so the majority of the time if I'm not dead tired and really need to decompress, if I'm about to sit on the couch and browse youtube or check my stocks or read a book, I'll go downstairs and walk the treadmill or leisurely bike while doing it. I burn calories, i dont break a sweat, and then I get to eat those back later so I'm not starving. Win-win. &nbsp; *Summary* That's about all that's needed for the intermediate diet. Figuring out how to tweak the plan so you still get the volume you want, the fullness you want, while eating at a deficit, getting light cardio in when you'd usually just sit, and getting your sleep on track. Now for some more advanced tricks. &nbsp; **Advanced Tips** In this section in particular I'm going to talk about specific diets and ways of eating/exercising. The jury is still out on a lot of this and there's entire cults following some of them. I'm not preaching what's right. Just try what you want and take what works. &nbsp; **When you eat** As I said before, your body will adapt to eating cycles and start ""expecting"" food at certain times. But there are methods to control your hunger. The first being when you break-fast. My brother is on the larger side and once told me ""Dude for some reason as long as I dont eat anything after I wake up, I can go until lunch time or after without feeling hungry."" And after trying it, it seemed that the same worked for me too. The further into the day you push your first meal, the less hours in the day you have to stuff your face. The less time you give your body to go through its cycle and say ""Hey we're hungry"" again. Try it, and see how far into the day you can push your first meal. Also, for about 4-5 years now I've been on my own plan which consists of eating 5 times a day. Once in the morning consisting of a homemade breakfast of a sausage, egg, and cheese on an english muffin. Then at noon is a few handfuls of cashews (which...find your nut...but cashews are absolutely delicious). Both 1330 and 1530 are shredded chicken with some veggies. And that entire lunch time span is easy to get through because it's a meal every 1.5-2 hours. And then dinner is around 1800 and honestly by that point, is usually a 1200 calorie meal of whatever i want. I found eating more meals to be much easier for me. If you're having trouble getting through long durations between meals, try it. &nbsp; **Strategy: Intermittent Fasting.** This goes along with the above strategy of when you break your fast. Intermittent fasting is setting aside a window of typically 4-6 hours of the day in which you try to get the entirety of calories you need for the day in. It's especially helpful, when trying to lose weight, when you *are not able to* get those calories in because you're up against the limits of how much food you can actually put in your body in that time. And may even have you searching for more calorie dense foods to help you reach that number. A downside to this method is that it doesnt allow you to experiment with the strategic eating I talk about below unless your workouts are also centered around this time. &nbsp; **Strategy: Fasting.** One of the tools that I've most recently been adding to my toolkit is that of fasting. This is different from IF because I'm fasting for a time period of at least 24 hours (and looking to extend it further). I'm not doing it for weight loss although you easily could. I'm doing it because studies are showing that after a certain duration of fasting, the body actually increases the rate it starts to clear out old cells, plaques, and in addition I think it primes the body to be more used to accessing and releasing those fat stores. In addition, the gorging myself before and after the fast is marvelous. I've particularly found a place within my workout routine to do one day of fasting. I'll talk about this below: &nbsp; **Strategically Eating** In going with the above *when* you eat, with respect to the macronutrients, we can start to experiment with when to eat what to help us both make it through the day, and maximize what our food is doing for us. For instance, whatever you eat in the morning, after sleeping (fasting) for 10-12 hours, would likely benefit from some carbs in order to give your body energy it needs for both the day, and for any exercise you plan on doing in the future. Except for... &nbsp; **Strategy: Fasted cardio.** The idea behind fasted cardio is that in going directly into cardio before breakfast, your glucose stores are likely at a minimum and so your body will likely burn more fat than usual for that energy. In my mind, and my reply to keto diets as well is: ""Yes. But it's also likely going to burn more protein than usual as well."" *A computer or observer?* Again I'm not a biologist or neuroscientist, but I have done some extensive reading into the way the body uses hormones and neurotransmitters both inside and outside the brain and have come to the opinion that the body is more like a machine that is setup on and acts based on the ODDS of certain pathways being triggered, than it is a machine based on an intelligently observing itself. As an analogy, when playing poker, the body is more like a program which calculates the pot odds and chances of winning based on its current hand and number of players...and does not consider the fact that the chip leader has been bullying the table with high bets for the last half-hour and the other guy at the table has been on tilt for the last 15 minutes. *Ratios* So with respect to keto, if the body has energy sources that are derived from carbs, fats, and proteins...and has evolutionarily grown to use them at a ratio of 5:2:1 respectively, then if you take away carbs, instead of your protein being used as 1/8th of the calories burned...it will be used for 1/3rd. And that's why for keto in particular, I personally believe it's absolutely a great method of dieting for those that are WAY overweight...because it'll allow you to get down to a point where you can lift and do cardio safely by burning that fat faster (at the expense of also burning muscle faster). But for those that dont need to lose weight that fast, it may not be as advantageous. Now going along with that, and this is also my belief, what we *supply* to our bodies is also factored in with what it uses. So for instance if we take that same ratio of 5:2:1, and the body is wired to use energy currently circulating and energy stored at a ratio of 10:1 respectively...then if we were to eat protein and fat but no carbs to power our run, we might be able to reduce the amount of protein catabolized for existing muscle by supplying the body with already (and preferentially usable) protein. &nbsp; **Gamechanger: Sugar.** Regardless of if any of that is true, I said above we'd get to the one thing that sugar is good for: Supplying the body with a readily usable form of energy. And I will tell you from experience that if I eat about 20-30% of the calories I'm about to burn in a hard cardio session before I begin the cardio, I will have a ridiculously easier cardio session than if I dont. I lied. There's another thing sugar is good for. Strategically feeding and building those muscle cells. Because insulin is the primary anabolic hormone in the body, eating sugar directly after a workout along with protein may push the body more aggressively into building that muscle right then and there. You're bouncing from a catabolic to anabolic state quickly. If you eat protein at the same time, that's readily there to push into those muscles as well. &nbsp; *A quick overview of my experience fasting so far* With respect to fasting, I've plugged my fasting day into my routine in a specific way in order to maximize results I see from it. The day before the fast is my first high cardio day. Which works well because I frontload half a days worth of food (the first 12 hours of the fast), plus that days food, plus the 1000 calories I burn through cardio means I'm eating about 4000 calories that day. The day of the fast, I'll eat 600 for breakfast, then do another 1000 calories of cardio. This second round of cardio is literally THE easiest cardio I've ever done. And it feels that way consistently. I understand carb-loading is a thing runners do before marathons. But the extent of it within my routine really hasnt shown benefits until now. With the 1000 calories of cardio, I should be completely depleting my liver stores (about 400) and whatever I have stored in my muscles, plus the glucose from breakfast. Afterwards I'll eat about 650 calories, about 90% protein 10% fat with <10g carbs total. And immediately following that I'll begin my 24 hour fast. Then the following day, the 24 hours usually ends around lunch, and I'll have that day's calories, plus half a day's worth or calories (the latter 12 hours of the fast), and the 1000 calories I burned the day before all crammed into about 10 hours before bed. So it's a fast which kind of rolls into an IF day. If I wanted to lose weight, it would be easy to do within those two windows of 3000-4000 calories. &nbsp; **Strategy: For fasting, Stay busy.** During your fast stay busy. Line up a shit load of chores to do. Just keep your mind occupied with something other than what time it is and the fact that you aren't eating. I find it's MUCH easier to get through a period of not eating if I'm not even in the house around food to do it. I can use that time to go ahead and look into other ""forms of dread"" like picking out new clothes, getting my hair cut, visiting friends, being social, or even working out. The few articles I've read said that fasting doesnt seem to impact anaerobic workouts. I haven't tested this. But maybe you should? &nbsp; *A few extras* A few things additional things i'll say (checks watch...God how long have you been reading this?) -You should never place yourself in exercise debt. It will be very tempting to go ""Well I plan on running 6 miles later, so I'm going to eat 750 calories of junk food now."" No. Do the exercise first, then reward yourself for it. If you know you're going to be partying, drinking, or treating yourself later, you pay for it now. -A lot of guys will look at the amount of cardio I do (talking about 10 miles of running or an hour of swimming) and completely reject that for themselves. That's fine. First I'd say try a variety of cardio and see if you can stand one form more than another. I LOVE running. I HATE swimming. You might be different. Also, see if you can kill time or entertain yourself while doing that cardio. I will put on podcasts or audiobooks when going for a run. So I'm listening to rational male while out running. Which is great because running also usually allows my brain to think deeply about topics. So I'll often go into lengthy debates with myself about topics on runs. I'll also run with my dogs to get their exercise. So I'm doing three positive tasks at once. In addition, if you cant do 6 miles all at once, break it up. I will absolutely go downstairs 8 times in one day and bike 15 minutes on the bike for a combined 1000 calories of cardio for what's only 15 minutes at a time. -Cheat meals arent bad. Snacks and cookies aren't bad. They're just like alcohol. Just like porn. Just like any kind of vice that can interfere with your gains...IF YOU LET IT. If you do not have control of yourself and cannot stop eating cookies when you're trying to diet, then get rid of cookies. Just like if you aren't able to get it up or last long with your wife if you watch porn, then stop watching it. -Ask yourself: ""Am I really hungry right now?"" Because in the very same way you've been asking yourself ""Do I really want to fuck right now?"" (You are doing that right?) and figuring out that sometimes sex is tied to a myriad of validation or mental states that have nothing to do with sex...hunger is sometimes tied to a myriad of validation or mental states that have nothing to do with food. -Drink water. Your body is already pre-programmed to crave food when it starts to get dehydrated...because there is usually water in food. This is an easy trap to avoid. Drink water throughout the day. &nbsp; **Closing: Put down the damn fork.** I told you above that I still eat ice cream, candy, and cakes. Though the ramifications of such a throughput on my body remain to be seen, the fact of the matter is in the same way the point has been argued that ""With enough alpha, you can sprinkle beta on and still come out ahead"", ""with enough diligence and discipline in your diet, you can go ahead and sprinkle on various amounts of donuts and pie and still come out ahead."" The results you see are not because I have a ""high metabolism"" or because ""I'm lucky."" It's because when I need to, I put the damn fork down and do what needs to be done. Every year for the past 6 I've been absolutely ripped for my beach vacation in Summer. And this year doesnt look like it's going to be any different. It's not too late to get started either. Summer is 3 months away. Anyone over 20% can absolutely get down to 20% before summer and not look disgusting in a bathing suit. Anyone 15-20% can absolutely get to a point where abs are starting to peek through. And anyone 10-15% can absolutely be shredded by that time. The decision is simply if you are going to OYS or not. One thing's for sure, if you do choose to make it a goal, and for the next year you continuously are trying to ""get to 15%"" and continuously failing, you wont be the first guy I ban from this place for value leeching. Do the work. &nbsp; *Sound off.* What are you doing for this week's DoD to carry into your life?",,67,[deleted],2022-04-07 12:09:32 marriedredpill,ty6649,Sex and the obsession thereof,"**Where I was** I initially came to MRP because I googled ‘why doesn’t my wife want to have sex with me’. I started reading the sidebar and lurked for a few months before I mustered the courage to post in OYS. I had the same covert contract as most people who started. I was doing this so my wife would have more sex with me. I went through the stage where sex was my priority. It was all I thought about. I would go to sleep grumpy because my wife didn’t have sex with me that night. I would be pissed at her in the morning before I left for work. I’d get to work in a bad mood. I’d eventually get over it, and then start thinking ‘I wonder, maybe tonight?’. I would spend part of my day thinking about how good sex would be tonight. What new things I’d try out. I’d get home, do the right things, help out. Sometimes, we’d have sex. Other times we wouldn’t. If I had sex, I wouldn’t be happy because the next day I would be keen for even more. It was so good, I want it again. And then it wouldn’t happen. If I didn’t have sex, I would be even more pissed off. Rinse and repeat. This was my anger phase. Funny how the anger phase seems to be directly linked to an unfilled covert contract. Even after I got passed the anger, I still wasn’t getting the sex I wanted. My wife felt pressured to have sex. I had countless conversations about it. I tried changing all sorts of things to make this problem go away. But it remained. &nbsp; **Why I was there** Why did I obsess about sex? Because sex was the only thing I cared about. I didn’t have anything else worth doing. Sex was the only thing I had to look forward to every day. Everything I did was aimed at that target. &nbsp; **How I fixed it** How did I get past this? I found things I cared about more than sex. I took up a bunch of new hobbies. I started doing BJJ, which I became obsessive about. I joined and rose up the ranks of my professional association. I spent more time at the gym. I started thinking more about weak points in my career and how to improve. I travelled around more and did shit that I enjoy. I even took up fishing. As a result, when I finished work I had shit I wanted to do. Either I was doing the things I enjoyed, or I was researching how to be better at those things. Big surprise, I no longer cared if I had sex that night. I had shit to do. Shit that I actually wanted to do. Shit that mattered to me. And what do you know, my sex life drastically improved. All those ‘pressure’ issues went away. &nbsp; **Why I think this worked** I spent a long time trying not to care about sex. But the problem wouldn't go away. An easier solution, and a very valid one could have been me finding other women and having sex with them. It wasn't hard. I am attractive. I've had opportunities. The validation I would get from other women wanting to have sex with me would sustain me for a while, but it wasn't enough long term. It was a conversation with a friend that helped me down this path. I was speaking to him about the issues I was having, and that I had made a list of things I would do if I got divorced. He told me 'well, why aren't you doing those things now?'. Smart guy. First thing on my list was BJJ, so I signed up a week later and started. Fortunately for me, I absolutely loved it. I spent hours watching videos every week. I'd attend almost every class I could. I was tired after class that sleep was preferable to sex. I went with the momentum and ticked off other items from my list. Some I enjoyed, some I didn't, but in the end I had a bunch of things I was doing that made me happy. I did these things because I wanted to. Not as a covert contract. Not because I thought doing different things would make my wife think that I didn't care about sex. It was real. That authentic change for me is why it worked. I wasn't pretending to not care about sex. It simply wasn't a priority for me. I had tried to fake that mindset in the past, but it never worked. My wife would see through it. Only when it was genuine did things turn around. &nbsp; **How this relates to most of you** For most posters in OYS, your entire focus is on sex. You write about sex every week. You think about the number of times you had sex. You think about the quality of sex. You wonder why your wife won’t ‘do that thing I really want’. You get upset when the amount of sex goes up, and then goes down again. It’s your whole focus. Everything else in your OYS is either filler, or simply examples of additional things you are doing as covert contracts to improve your sex life. I get it. I’ve been there. For those guys, you obsess about sex because it’s the only thing you care about. My advice to you is to find something worth doing that you actually care about. That actually matters to you. And then do that. If it works for you, I'd be interested to hear about it. If it doesn't I'd also be interested. &nbsp; **How this relates to a few of you** There are others in OYS who are already getting the sex they want, including a few successfully spinning plates. And those guys are starting to ask the question ‘ok, I’m getting laid consistently. Now what’? The same advice applies. Sex is not enough to sustain a man. Find what sustains you and go do that. &nbsp; **What kind of things should you do?** I have purposely not given you any other examples of ‘what to do’ other than my own. You need to figure that shit out for yourself. It’s your life. &nbsp; **Why it might not work for you** If you do this with the hope that it'll have the same effect on your sex life as it did mine, you're done. Covert contracts are never successful. You either decide to do things that you want to do with your time, or you don't.",,169,threekindsoflucky,2022-04-07 05:46:15 marriedredpill,twwgfw,HOA's MRP Cheat Codes to blow up your sex life - Part 2,"Retards! Gather 'round! **Here comes dynamite, part 2.** [Part 1 is here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/pymw1k/hornsofapathys_mrp_cheat_codes_to_blow_up_your/) I have an incredible sexual imagination that I give to my woman as a gift. From the years I've been here I am convinced that most retards here have dull and boring sexual imaginations. So I'm here to share my notes with you dudes. All of the following Cheat Codes^(TM) (part 2) **have been personally tested by me over the last 4 years, and everyone of them has been a successful and great sexual encounter.** So line up, pick a #, and go do some shit. You'll maybe fail, maybe not, but who the fuck cares? The worst that's going to happen is your dick is dry and you fail a shit test. Just like before. Oh, and shit tests? They will happen. Deal with it however you want. # Horn's List of Successful Sexual Cheat Codes: I've chosen to model all of these under the structure of DEVI, which in the sidebar is covered by [Sex God Method.](https://archive.org/details/sex-god-method-2nd-edition.com/page/n5/mode/2up) Even better, I've put all of this into a spreadsheet for those of you with a spot of 'tism even rated by difficulty. I've made it easy for you. I want to be clear about one thing though - you MUST give each attempt your full undivided 100% effort. **Otherwise, it will not work.** [Go read a field report here](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/oz98dm/fr_push_yourself_into_her/) from a dude who actually *tried something* that I wrote about.... and it worked. I would like to finally add that you'll read below a lot of words being exchanged between you and your woman. They aren't necessary, but rather I have included them here so that you can imagine the frame of mind required to make them successful. In other words, [you can do all of this without communicating a single word at all.](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/hmgdcg/how_i_communicate_now_without_words/) &#x200B; # DOMINANCE &#x200B; |Devi Concept|Frame Required|\#|Item| |:-|:-|:-|:-| |Dominance|Beginner|28|Grab her by the hipbones facing you.  Squeeze more tightly than normal.  Look at her.  Walkaway.  Think:  I could pick you up easily and throw you anywhere I wanted.| |Dominance|Grinding|29|During sex, stop.  Grab a vibrator.  With one hand, hold her wrists together above her head tightly.  With the other use the vibrator on her and as she gets closer just say ""No"".  Continue to say ""No"".  As she becomes more aroused, make her ask permission to cum.| |Dominance|Grinding|30|Before penetration, ""Spread your fucking legs.""  As she spreads them, tell her it's not good enough.  ""More.""  Until she's completely spread eagle on the bed, keep commanding her ""Wider"" or ""More"".  When you're satisfied she's done all she can, praise her saying ""that's how little sluts come to bed"", then fuck her.| |Dominance|Hard|31|Use a combinaation of 29 & 30, but implement a spreader bar.  Easy to make one with a 1 inch dowel and some eye hooks and velcro straps with a ring for $10.  Paint it black if you want it extra scary.  Use a blindfold at the beginning so you don't look like an idiot fumbling around.| |Dominance|Hard|32|Command her to go upstairs, use a toy, and masturbate for X minutes without cumming.  Randomly throughout the day.  When it's time for bed, see if you can manage to put her to bed wet.| |Dominance|Hard|33|You need her help washing your cock everytime you take a shower.  If she wants a man's nice cock she needs to take care of it, daily.  She's not allowed in the shower, but instead will clean your cock by opening the curtain or shower door.| |Dominance|Hard|34|Make her ask permission to enter the your bed at night, every night.| |Dominance|Hard|35|Teach her the [nadu position.](https://i.imgur.com/Zq1l7RY.jpg) After entering bed, she must hold his position to your liking.  Critique her posture, make her proud of this through praise by looking good for you.  You're welcome to inspect, touch, and grope your girl in this position unitl you feel she is acceptable, then invite her lay down with you.| # EMOTION &#x200B; |DEVI Concept|Frame Required|\#|Item| |:-|:-|:-|:-| |Emotion|Beginner|36|Look at your woman and only think about your favorite part of her body.  Stare at it.  Take it in.  When she notices and asks what you're doing, say nothing.  Just keep thinking about it and looking at it.  Push yourself (metaphorically) into her.  Keep concentrating on it.  Then, take her upstairs.  Think:  I want to enjoy this part of her.| |Emotion|Grinding|37|Randomly cup your hand under her chin while she is standing.  Thumb on one side, fingers on the other.  Look at her eyes, squeezing slightly, and smile until she smiles.  Then walkaway.  Do this several times across many days, and then from across the room days later look at her in the eyes and extend your hand in the same cupped way (empty).   Keep it there until she comes running across the room and places her chin into your hand, or motion her to come with the same hand.  Think:  She is so fragile and small.  I could crush her face with a single hand.| |Emotion|Grinding|38|""Babe, you 100% cannot wear a bra today in that shirt.""  When protest arises, just stay firm.  ""Just give me the bra"".  Praise how her tits move in her shirt throughout the day.  Point out everytime you can see her nipples and how you like it.  You can't help yourself.  Stare at them.  Touch them, bounce them, flirt with her tits only.   She is only a pair of tits, treat her accordingly. This is about generating authentic desire from YOU.| &#x200B; # VARIETY &#x200B; |DEVI Concept|Frame Required|\#|Item| |:-|:-|:-|:-| |Variety|Beginner|39|From across the room, get her attention.  Point at her.  Then point at your lap.  Motion her to come. Smile.  STFU.  Wait.  Don't say a fucking word.  Touch your favorite part of her body.  Then motion her off.  Works well if you've been sitting reading, watching TV or relaxing.  Think:  I want to enjoy her for just a minute and then let her go do pretty things.| |Variety|Beginner|40|Buy lingerie.  Place it on the bed sometime during the day.  Say nothing about it.  When she inevitably asks about it, or refuses, just say ""It will make me happy"".  If this fails do NOT be butthurt the least bit.  Prepare to be rejected 100% beforehand.  It WILL make an appearance one day.| |Variety|Beginner|41|On a day she is wearing a dress, look at her with a sexy smirk and say ""panties"".  Hold your hand out, palm up, ready to receive them.  When she asks questions, just keep saying ""Panties.""  When she argues, hold the line by saying ""Panties."" This is particularly effective if going somewhere public, or in the car while already out.  Put them in your pocket.| |Variety|Beginner|42|In bed or on the couch, lay her head on your stomach, caress her hair and neck.  When relaxed, take your cock out and lay it across her face, caressing her face with your cock - making it harder.  Then using your palm, press the full length of your cock across her frace from chin to temple.  Press hard.  This generates the feelz that your cock is massive.| |Variety|Beginner|43|Randomly lock her outside of the house and demand to see her tits before she can re-enter.  Praise.| |Variety|Beginner|44|Walk up behind her, grab her tits under her clothing crossing your arms in front of her.  Pull her in close, firmly, with a big bear hug then walk away.  Max time 5 seconds.| |Variety|Hard|45|Make her stand facing the wall, bent over at the hips with hands on the wall (or spreading her cheeks), naked, legs spread, as your cum completely drips out of her.  Praise.| # # IMMERSION &#x200B; |DEVI Concept|Frame Required|\#|Item| |:-|:-|:-|:-| |Immersion|Beginner|46|Blindfold her and put noise cancelling headphones on her.  Touch every part of her with various things.  Use your imagination, but only use hard/soft objects.  Neglect the pussy entirely.  Do not escalate.  End this by putting her to bed wet.| |Immersion|Grinding|47|During missionary, command her, ""Look at me in the eyes.  Do not close them."" Fuck her hard at first, then vary what you want.  If she closes her eyes, grab her by the jaw and open her eyes with your thumb and forefinger.  Also useful for having her watch your cock go in and out of her.  Think:  You're not allowed to look away while being fucked.| |Immersion|Grinding|48|Role-play as an older man sneaking into her virgin teenage bedroom at night where she's been furiously masturbating everynight for months without a cock to use.| |Immersion|Grinding|49|""Come with me.  It's time.""  Everynight for a week at a consistent time, drag her ass upstairs by the hand and then undress her.  Buy a very nice plush robe, she will wear it and be naked underneath.   Make her wear this everynight.  Use your imagination for game.  You can attach certain personas to certain robes based on what YOU want.  Slut, whore, goodgirl, the possibilities are endless.| |Immersion|Hard|50|While she is in the shower, open the curtain and hand her an anal plug.  ""I'm going to train my girl/slut/babygirl properly.  You will use this everytime you are in the shower now.""  She will inevitably test you, so spot checks are necessary.  If it's missing:  ""Your training is going to happen one way or another, up to you if it feels good.""| &#x200B;",,63,HornsOfApathy,2022-04-05 14:38:45 marriedredpill,twq6p6,"Own Your Shit Weekly - April 05, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,18,AutoModerator,2022-04-05 08:30:09 marriedredpill,ttcplj,60 DoD '22: Declaration and lifting,"Welcome to 60 DoD, 2022. All of you maggots, young or old, veteran or new, can improve your processes through this 60-day event. This year my challenge to you is two-fold. As usual, you need to change your *habits*. Setting an end-state goal is necessary so that you understand which *habits* are needing to be instantiated or changed in order to reach that end-state goal. Make no mistake, the purpose of 60 DoD is to *change what you do with your time*. The second piece this year is more on the mental end of things. I want you to clearly articulate for yourself not only *what* you want, but *why* you want it, the *method* that you think will deliver it, and *how/why* your method will deliver it. This exercise is designed to get you outside of yourself, to help you see your blind spots, and to make sure you are doing things that will actually work. It should also help you to see all roads to your goal, and the juicy “synergy” between the weeks we focus on. This should all be included in your 60 DoD declaration, below. For example, you may want to become more physically attractive. This broad goal could be obtained by a combination of losing body fat, gaining muscle mass, getting a better wardrobe, and improving hygiene. Now: why do you want that? Honesty is key, and guys here will see right through your bullshit if you try to delude yourself. Also, the *how/why*: this will work by (1) changing body composition to a lower percentage of fat and a higher percentage of muscle; (2) improving your presence through confidence cues and subtle factors like smell; (3) framing your physique in a flattering way by having clothes that fit, even while your body is in transition from flab to steel. You savvy? For this go-round, since it’s the annual, I WILL be tracking you. If you declare on this thread, you’re on the hook. If you don’t, the regular posters will probably notice and call you out. Accountability, maggots. * * * * * * This first week, starting today, is all about lifting. Perhaps you need a new program? Better commitment? Maybe you have fuckarounditis and need a [fresh perspective]( https://old.reddit.com/r/leangains/)? There are resources on the sidebar from 60 DoD in years past, and there are a ton of monkeys here that lift and can ~~ridicule your weakness~~ answer your questions, yeah. Focus on the questions I outline above when laying out the goal and the new habits. Let’s get to it.",,36,SorcererKing,2022-03-31 23:28:35 marriedredpill,tqrwse,60 DoD '22: The shit hits the fan 03/31/2022,"So I ended up lying. I didn't tally anything from the booster challenge. If you did a booster and want flair, reply to this thread. I'll expect others to call you out if you're full of shit. Now that we're past that housekeeping, the full, normal 60 DoD is starting in 3 days. This one takes you from the first rays of spring sunshine to the kickoff weekend of summer. This is your chance to rebuild discipline, readjust your attitude, and start participating in your life again after the long, cold winter. Be thinking about your goals; we'll have a declaration thread in 3 days. I look forward to this session because I've been so absent. I still see some familiar faces posting, but there are probably a ton of new retards. Maybe some of you haven't participated before. If not, get on board. This is the challenge that builds new habits which, over time, builds a new you. You didn't get to be a pathetic sack of shit over night, you won't unfuck yourself over night either. Work now to build habits that make you the guy you want to be later. If you're burning to write a post for one of the weeks, please DM me. I'm always up for fresh content from new voices, provided those voices are not retarded. We have such high standards here, after all. Until Thursday...",,33,SorcererKing,2022-03-29 04:42:28 marriedredpill,tqv5aj,"Own Your Shit Weekly - March 29, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,8,AutoModerator,2022-03-29 08:30:09 marriedredpill,tpz0dt,Field Report: Give that bitch nothing to do but fuck you,"I been going back through my notes and journals. Found this one that makes sense for you dumbfucks in the beginning anger phase. It worked with the right mental model. Nothing more than another **Act as if your wife were dead** post. 'Cause if you act like she's dead every where else in your life, since she's already star-fishing you anyways like a corpse, you'll start to realize a couple of things. If you're angry, let's redirect that energy and give that bitch nothing to do. Not because you want to choreplay and create logistics. But because if you're going to enact the 'go plan' which is the same as the 'stay plan', you're going to need to stop being a lazy cunt and do shit for yourself. Just go apeshit with this dynamite and blow her whole fucking world up with doing all the shit that you'd need to do anyways if she didn't exist. Kids? Be engaged I guess. But you're mostly in the mode of doing shit that you need to do to set your life up for the 'go plan'. Engrain this shit in your mind: You're going to work on yourself, which means you'll need to do shit by yourself. Just do it. Dirty dishes and you want to live your life as a bachelor in a clean downtown condo in DFW (looking at you /u/red-sfpplus) where you can learn to manage *all* your bitches? Well dude, learn how to keep that loft clean for the next 6 weeks. Grind it. Then when you enact the plan you can hire a maid to do it to your specifications. Yard getting long this spring and summer? You're about to create the perfect lawn. Research what seed grows properly in your area, make room in your life to buy that new John Deere mower and go do it. Worst case your learn what can't grow, best case you've got a good lawn, and you figure out if that matters. Or something. Just do everything. Divert your anger into discipline. Everything YOU want to do. And a bit of [fake it 'til you make it](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/tksehe/fake_it_till_you_make_it_an_example/), maybe you'll have enough results to justify naturally doing the shit that matters when you stop being angry. Or you'll go back to sucking. \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ Field Report: Did this, like an autist. For at least 3 months. There were a few outcomes now that I look back that I did not intend with a covert contract. I did not allow my wife to add value to my life in any way necessary for the 'go plan'. This led to her basic instincts being wakened as a woman to a moderately (at the time) attractive man fueled by anger with action - I witnessed this through action of better sex. My girl could sense that I was angry, and most of the time didn't know why. I did play Mr. Mysterioso like a retard with here often in this anger stage with shit better to do than make time for a sex denying wife.... because I didn't care. Sometimes bordering on overt retard dread, this formed the bedrock of my DNGAF attitude by keeping in my mind that it was necessary to get this shit done to escape this harpy, cunt wife. Passing shit tests are required. Turns out if you're not a complete fucking retard.... when she has nothing better to do, she starts to find ways to add value you might like. Like, fucking. You'll grow out of it. For the masculine handicapped - great time to caveman. You need more bedrock material. [Learn how to fuck your woman](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/gq2d5d/when_was_the_last_time_you_fucked_your_woman/). \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ For you dudes spinning plates successfully, you guys get it.",,79,HornsOfApathy,2022-03-28 02:19:53 marriedredpill,tn7r5y,Practical guide for getting back to your frame,"My last post was not useful. So I want to take this chance to share some notes related to something that worked **for me**. While I was developing my sense of self and running my MAP I realized (just like all the others, around the 2 year mark) that all of my “self-improvement” was a covert-contract with the girl and people in general. The rational was something of the “If I get better, than she will love me more and everyone will treat me like a king”. Once I realized that, slowly but surely I started becoming more and more independent of the responses of others i.e. truly living in my frame. However, there were moments when I felt myself going back to her frame instead of mine. One thing that commonly happened was me caring about where she was and what she was doing or me worrying that I had been “too much of a jerk” after a nag or after saying a hard “no” to one of her requests. Basically walking on eggshells and worrying about her feelings and perception of me (validation-seeking). So, I tried a 6 step process that showed to be useful in pulling myself out of her frame. Use what you want and throw out the rest. ## 1 – Become conscious of your value The first thing I did was realize my value as a man who constantly pushes himself in the direction of self-realization (you also do, right?). Coming to terms with the fact that no one grows up and that by not being a complete retard you outweight most of the other guys helped me sense all the options (not only with women) that I had, which immediately made me more tranquil. This step is important because a lot of times the options are not the problem, [but us not realizing the variety of options we have is.](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/gr0j9s/mrp_year_3_lets_take_the_boat_out_on_the_bay/) ## 2 – “Despedestalization” The next step was to “depedestalize” the girl by remembering that she is just a chick who does little to improve herself. And while I know girls don’t have the same drive as us guys to do so, since this thriving is an attribute I highly value, this immediately lowed her value in my eyes and put everything in perspective. ## 3 – There is no “relationship” Realizing that my relationship was no more than me and the girl together to serve each other’s needs protected me from the ego-trap that mentioning “relationships” usually entails. It inputs a bunch of “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts” which are all forms of manipulating us into acting in a certain way (often against our best interests). [u/Red-Curious](https://www.reddit.com/user/Red-Curious/) said it best in [“I’m still single … just married”](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/9as8jb/im_still_single_just_married/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf). ## 4 – Be a man “who gets” Just like [u/HornsOfApathy](https://www.reddit.com/user/HornsOfApathy/) talks about [being a man “who fucks”](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/l23n9p/timeline_escaping_sex_for_validation_and_quitting/), thinking of myself as a man “who gets” helped me a lot. So, in this step I just thought to myself that, independently of the who and the how, I would get (in this case) a girl who treated me the way I wanted, either that be the girl I was with or somebody else. This, like step 1, helped with the abundance mentality. Therefore, whatever happens, it’s okay, ’cause I’ll get whatever I want some way, somehow, i’ll figure it out (this goes hand in hand with the oak mental model). ## 5 – Memento mori This is one of the stoic tools that I most treasure in my toolbox. Remembering my death and the irreversibility of life immediately makes me more selective when it comes to the people I spend time with and allow into my life and with the things I spend my time with. It automatticaly made me act with a [healthy sense of egoism](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rational_egoism), putting myself and my needs before everything else. When you truly realize that you are just a bag of meat in the middle of the universe and come to peace with that, [you’ll not only be much more effective in getting better](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/s1dli8/put_your_ego_in_the_box/) but also DNGAF will come easier, at least it did for me. So, the girl, the job, the “relationship”, all that faded to the background when, paraphrasing David Deida, you “stop what you’re doing, look up and contemplate the infinite”. ## 6 – The Scorched Earth Mental Model Whenever the steps above were not sufficient to get me back on track or if I just wanted to overkill, I made use of [The Scorched Earth Operation.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BqxxefMUwv0) And while this is not the situation it was designed to be employed, I found that convincing myself I was single and acting accordingly removed the emotional cloudiness that surrounded me, allowing me to truly focus on what matters: my actions. It put me in the state of total focus in my MAP and everything that was beyond it was either interesting, amusing or funny.",,31,thekingwithin2001,2022-03-24 22:49:24 marriedredpill,tksehe,Fake it till you make it - an example,"I was asked in an OYS a while back, “Do you think the change with your wife came naturally from a change of mindset mainly as a result of all the reading, or it came mainly from some specific ways you started to act differently or deal with things?” This question is like asking ""what came first: the chicken or the egg?"" I feel confident that every change my wife exhibited came about due to ""specific ways I started to act differently or deal with things"". I also am confident that the ""specific ways I started to act differently or deal with things"" came about due to a ""change in mindset"". But I can also say that prior to the ""change in mindset"", I spent quite a while faking the change in mindset that I learned from this place and the sidebar until the faking became a part of my actual mental models. I'll give you an example using my approach to shit tests these past 15 months: Prior to MRP, when I got a shit test, I didn't know what it was. I tried to argue my way out of it, plead my way out of it, back massage my way out of it. All to glorious and spectacular, pussy-drying effect. Once I discovered MRP, I threw myself into the sidebar, the posts, the YouTube videos, everything. I learned how to recognize shit tests, but I was still clueless. So I did the easiest thing in response to shit tests, which was to simply shut the fuck up. This worked wonders. Shutting the fuck up is so much better than DEERing. And that is what I did. For months. At first, the silence would create a panic. My heart would feel like it was beating out of my chest. The silence was sickening. But then, 5 minutes later, my wife forgot whatever it was she was bitching about. It's like it never happened. So then I'd continue to STFU in response to these shit tests, which, while not being some huge display of higher value (DHV), it at least was not the sickening display of lower value (DLV) that DEERing was in the past. Great, so I'm shutting the fuck up in response to shit tests, basically removing those DLVs I was consistently showing. I'm faking it at this point. I would literally tell myself, “That was a shit test, go ahead and STFU"" inside my head. But after you do it 10 times, 20 times, etc. you aren't faking it so much anymore, it's just what you do. And what you do is who you are. So now I'm a man that does not DEER (DLV) and instead just STFU in response to shit tests. Next, I ""graduated"" to faking amused mastery. It happened naturally. Once I had freed up some real estate in my head by having it just happen naturally, I was able to think of some funny responses. So in response to a shit test, I remember recognizing the shit test and consciously making fun of whatever it was. My wife stared at me for a few seconds, and then smirked, called me an asshole while grinning, and walked away. I thought, ""woah I did it! Not only did I not DEER (DLV) but I actually responded with some amused mastery, and displayed high value."" I was faking it but it worked nonetheless. Now you do that 10, 20, 30 times. And at some point it clicks and its just part of who you are and what you do. You respond to shit tests with some sort of amused mastery, like agreeing and amplifying, or laughing out loud, or just STFU with a bemused look on your face cause you actually don't give a shit enough to be bothered to respond. All displays of high value. So I went from DEERing (worst thing you can do) in response to a shit test: every. fucking. time. to a natural, congruent mix of agreeing and amplifying, STFU, looking at her like she is a 6 year old performing what she thinks is the world's most complex ballet act, etc. And it just happens now. But it didn't before. So the TL;DR response to the question is: yes.",,87,AlphalfaSprout,2022-03-23 12:04:36 marriedredpill,tjya44,"Own Your Shit Weekly - March 22, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,24,AutoModerator,2022-03-22 08:30:09 marriedredpill,tje76d,The Three Stages of Dread,"Way back when I first arrived at MRP, there was a roadmap that a lot of us used contained within the deep links of the sidebar. This was the [12 levels of Dread](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2lpafb/the_12_step_plan_of_dread_book_excerpt_from_my/) post by BPP. It was written 7 years ago. A few years after many of us had used this leveled approach to dread within our own MAPs, we began sharing notes about this sexual strategy. It wasn't long before the results were in for the guys who did the work, and [we all pretty much realized that it was a giant covert contract](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/igf65m/the_dread_contract_and_scoreboard_how_to_frame/). Later, [I gave my unedited opinion](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/rhe74s/sabotaging_the_deal_at_the_end/hpdisz3/?context=999) on what I thought about the 12 levels of dread, yet I did not offer a concrete alternative. Now I am. There were still retarded dancing monkey's autist posts up until about 3-4 years ago with titles like: ""[FR: Crossed to Dread Level 9](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/38e4hw/fr_crossed_to_dread_level_9/)"", so most of us vets after making that realization stopped advocating for the covert contract model where you played your wife like leveling up a video game. This was a good example of men sharing notes, and the community here began advocating for a different approach of: You first. Until then nothing will work. This new approach, for the average nice guy finding this place, IMO is much *harder work.* It's trying to start with the internal first, then the external. The 12 levels of dread focused mainly on external covert contracts and left much of the internal work out of it, and the guys who seemed to ""make it"" back then were the ones that were smart enough to read the fucking sidebar and to do that internal work in tandem. So, we began advocating for that approach and over the years it's produced some really smart dudes in MRP. The problem with the current, new approach is that it produces too many autists who sit around and mentally masturbate to MRPisms and never actually get out there and do things, so you get vets like /u/threekindsoflucky making posts telling you [Doing things is better than not doing things](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/q298xy/doing_things_is_better_than_not_doing_things/), or you'll get /u/RStonePT saying that [field reports are important](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/qq60zw/why_field_reports_are_important/) and that [if you're not fucking, STFU about leadership](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/poc8pf/if_youre_not_fucking_shut_up_about_leadership/). That's why you've seen posts from me, giving dynamite to MRPers, titled [FR: Spank your wife](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/qx555f/fr_spank_your_wife/).... or [Cheat Codes to blow up your sexlife](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/pymw1k/hornsofapathys_mrp_cheat_codes_to_blow_up_your/).... This is all to get you dumbfucks out of the sidebar and go TEST those things you've mentally masturbated about, for real. That's what the 12 levels of Dread kind of started suggesting your do with a covert contract intact around level 7-8. At least guys were doing things. ""*You can't get to level 9 until you finish level 8 bro and are able to flirt with waitresses in front of your wife to make her jealous.*"" Or things like, ""*Dude, you can't give her the FMOFY speech yet, you're like on level 4 dread*""..... and so, it created this fucking retarded autistic view of the world for men here. This brings me to a very simplistic view of how these two worlds can work together. [What we talk about when we talk about dread](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/374wln/what_we_talk_about_when_we_talk_about_dread_13/) by Jack10 is another great resource. \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ If you're here reading about dread because you want it to be an effective tool in your toolbelt to elicit sexual response from your wife as your endgoal, despite the covert contract there - I'm here to tell you it will work. Will it be effective for you want? I don't know. But you'll have more sex. But for dread to be **effective**, I'll leave you with a quote by Jack10: >**You have to like your wife.** > >Not love. If I asked if you loved your wife, you'd probably reflexively say ""yes."" That's not a meaningful question. The more important question is: *""Do you like your wife?""* > >Dread will be effective if your answer is: ""She's a great person. She's caring and generous with me and my family. She appreciates and respects me. I just wish I knew why she never wants to fuck me anymore, or why she's so unenthusiastic when she does..."" > >Dread will not be effective if your answer is: ""Well, I.... yes, I think I like her. Although she's kind of a bitch. And she can act really selfish sometimes. I don't like her when she's acting that way. Which I guess is like, half the time. Fuck. She really is goddamn annoying sometimes."" > >Dread will not be effective in the second scenario because *you will probably like watching the hamster in the maze too much.* I'd encourage some of you early in your journeys not to answer that question just yet, but somewhere between the transition from Stage 1 to 2, you should evaluate it. \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ # Retard Beta Dread - Stage 0: If you can't meet the requirements of Stage 1, you are married to an [unhappy rape victim](https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/3fpefe/every_unhappy_wife_is_a_rape_victim/), and this is beta dread. No desire. No passion. Starfish. Denials. You're unattractive. You wouldn't fuck you. But you get fucked by your wife because you are betabucks in some capacity for her lifestyle. # Bad Dread - Stage 1: You are not yet a man worth inspiring desire from your wife. You look in the mirror and might still have difficulty some weeks saying you'd fuck yourself. Anything you do to get sex is usually being a dancing monkey, but then you begin to improve. You are: * Recognizing and passing shit tests * MAP identified * Gym 3-4x week, lifting heavy * Have read the first 3 books on the sidebar * Have begun to build a life apart from your wife * You are busy, and do not have time for a sexually disinterested wife * Dress, groom and hygiene is good * STFU regularly, but still fail sometimes This level of dread is the beginning stages of what is good dread. Most men go through this. This is the ""*If I don't fuck him I might get fucked*"" stage of dread because your woman is starting to see you barely show *real* improvement. This is the stage of dread that you often see hysterical bonding, and then quickly a withdrawal from her emotionally into a stalemate of silent anger and **you will** **have no idea why** after such enthusiastic, slutty and perhaps passionate sex that was enjoyable by both of you to a fair degree. The reason for this withdrawal of your woman is because she is internally having a FMOFY speech each time she fucks you. Weirdly enough, this thought process turns women ON. They start to feel like submissive women, and start to do the things that those kind of women do, because it makes her sort of wet. But not in a good way thinking about *you.* This kind of dread effect is only temporary because it is not authentic and genuine desire of *you.* Your wife is fucking to survive. Deep down, [she is an unhappy rape victim](https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/3fpefe/every_unhappy_wife_is_a_rape_victim/). Guess what? She's felt like this before you found MRP, and those feelings inside of your wife return. She recognizes them. Those are bad feelz. They're bad because she realizes that the temporary desire she *felt* and was *acting* on was.... fake. It was a novelty feeling between her legs. You want to know the most depressing feeling a woman can experience? Getting her hopes and feelz all up for some weird reason that she can't understand, butterflies going, and then suddenly she's let down again when she looks through your bullshit to expose a frameless dancing monkey with a giant ego in front of her. If you want to move past this bad dread stage and into *good*, that's where the internal work begins. You must take the approach of: **You first. Until then nothing will work.** You'll see us say that being not-fat will solve 80% of the problems. It's true. It's within that place you'll build frame, which is Iron Rule #1. Frame is everything. I think The Oak frame is a good mental model if you need one. You just sit back and build your frame, and if comfort is needed - it's provided within reason. Occasionally you can invite your woman into YOUR world and frame instead of playing around on fucking retarded dread levels that are nothing more than the FMOFY speech to a wet pussy. Your woman knows you are still in her frame at this stage, which we already established. Men are meant to live in their own masculine frames *on their own* and to bring polarity and balance to the force of women. This is how you move into stage 2. # Good Dread - Stage 2: You cannot skip dread stage 1. It's not possible. Good dread is where most of you will arrive, and likely stay. Some of you will go beyond this because you make a conscious decision to play with the feminine world more often than most. When your woman fucks you for every reason in stage 1, plus: * You are capable of talking to cute, pretty and sometimes beautiful women in public * You've studied pickup artistry enough to understand the signs of women's interest after an opener without going autistic, thus increasing your chances for a positive sexual interaction if you choose, or friendly conversation to improve your game * You take what you've learned from PUA and applied it to your wife to be fun * You're not boring * You never get butthurt when sexually rejected * You have shown through congruent behavior that you are a sexual, masculine man. In this stage you are *capable* of getting your sexual or other needs met. You may struggle with the question internally if you're *willing* to fuck other women outside your marriage, but since you are a man of action at this point who has learned to act on his needs, the feeling of *capable vs. willing* to your wife makes no difference. She knows you're a sexual man. The feelz this stage generates in women is that you've shown through congruent sustained action that you are a who *fucks -* and it's very clear that's what a woman is dealing with if she's with you. That makes you sexually masculine by default. That is attractive. It elicits within your woman the competition of hypergamy, because if she ain't doing the fucking, who is? # Good Dread + Passive Dread - Stage 3: It's not often that men here at MRP arrive at this level of dread, not because it's hard, but because it actually takes time and they're long gone. Time to mature in your own frame which takes years, and also your time to dedicate to your new hobby: enjoying all parts of the feminine. Not just the sex. But mostly sex. You want to play with and manipulate the matrix surrounding the feminine. This is where good dread is combined with everyday passive dread. At this stage * AskMRP can't help you, and you know why * In addition to being a man who fucks, [you do not seek validation in sex](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/l23n9p/timeline_escaping_sex_for_validation_and_quitting/) * You have been in the gym for at least 6-12 months, minimum, and look like you're in the best shape of your life (the ""used to be alpha"" 20yo version of yourself included) * There is an understanding that you're capable and willing if necessary to fuck other women if your needs aren't met, because you are a man who fucks * You are attractive. You are not being unattractive. * You've read the entire sidebar a couple of times and have read and listened equally as many books you've discovered on your own * You have a level of DNGAF that is palpable * You provide comfort when necessary without judgement * You are a leader, and have demonstrated leadership and discipline over time with your self first, and your wife/family. * You've thrown out the scoreboard * You are dominant over most all areas of your life It is in this stage that you've congruently been showing your value. Your wife is losing SMV as she ages, you are gaining. It is at this point that you likely look at your wife who is at least a full 2 points lower in SMV than you and ask * ""Why am I with her?"" * ""Do I like her?"" * ""Do I even want her?"" And let's say that you decide that you love her, you like her, and you do want her - a woman who you will forever outpace in the SMV scale as you lead to new things. Then you start to question: * ""What value does she *really* add other than sex, and is that congruent with my vision?"" * ""How can I lead my wife to add value on my vision?"" There are a myriad of other legitimate and deep questions you'll ponder, and you'll understand that each day you *choose* this woman for yourself. It's within those deep recesses that your woman will feel through you - and sense this decision you make - and sense that you choose her, likely *forsaking all others....* yet knowing she is the woman that will add the most value to your life. In that decision you make each day and a high value man - you are validating that woman is high enough value to be with you. And you're fucking awesome, aren't you? When you choose your woman, she wins the game of hypergamy set in Stage 2. This is how you eventually, unconsciously, and passively dread so that your woman's greatest source of validation is realized: being selected by a high value man over and over. It's in these upper levels and stages of dread that things become quite nuanced for each man, and it's all based on what we think will add value to our vision. By this point you've selected good enough clay to work with to mold into what you want, and the endgame possibilities are endless. It's within this stage of dread that the best sex of my life has occurred. Not because she's an HB10 and can suck a golf ball through a garden hose, but because everyday that I authentically choose my wife - she feels that authenticity - and that makes her want to find more and more ways to add value. No woman I've ever slept with has been so in tune to my sexual needs and desire than my wife, because she *wants to.* It brings my woman *joy* to please the man that chooses her. He's fun. He's exciting. He's sexually imaginative. He's the Oak. He's masculine most everything he does. He is authentic. He chooses *her.* Yet, *You are the prize.* And sometimes, you just need to let her win. Strength, motherfuckers.",,153,HornsOfApathy,2022-03-21 15:19:33 marriedredpill,tfuva3,The Benevolent Dictator," Many talk about the Captain-First Officer mental model. And, while it is definitely useful for guys who are just starting out and that need to jump into the leading position in their relationship, once that is handled, it is not sufficient. The main reason for this is the fact that it implies one very wrong thing: you and the girl are in the same team. **You are not.** You guys simply are aligned in some interests and are getting what you want from each other. And, while that happens, the relationship will flourish. When that stops, suddenly one or both of you will stop “feeling it”. **You are in your own team. And your own team is made of yourself only.** Yes, there are people we value. But they are guests in our autistic journey. And you want it to be autistic, otherwise you won’t care enough for it. So, see your life as your dictatorship: you make all the decisions of what is done and of whom stays or goes. At the same time, **you are ultimately responsible for every single aspect of your life. Every single one.** Never forget that you’re going to fucking die. Soon. So fucking make your life your kingdom and rule it like a motherfucker who only cares about his own opinion of himself and who will never compromise what he wants for himself because of one of his “guests”. But now comes the “benevolent” part; while you want to rule your life with the expectations to others no short of a dictator’s (people who don’t measure up get the boot), you also take them into consideration and give them the benefits of being part of your journey. You know of their needs and make sure to also have them in mind, of course after making sure yours are being met. In other words: **you reward good behavior and don’t reward bad behavior.** See? There are no “punishments”. There is only your attention, affection and commitment and your ability to cut them from someone who stops deserving them. Go out there and be the most altruist motherfucker for those who add value to your egoist life story.",,30,thekingwithin2001,2022-03-16 22:24:17 marriedredpill,tek9fk,"Own Your Shit Weekly - March 15, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,24,AutoModerator,2022-03-15 08:30:10 marriedredpill,t9cb6a,"Own Your Shit Weekly - March 08, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,23,AutoModerator,2022-03-08 08:30:10 marriedredpill,t91d31,Social Game Tips and Tricks: Male Dominated Spaces,"Spent the last 2.5 years trying to figure out how to be more successful in male dominated spaces. I define success by how many people I can get to advocate for me. Here are my findings. #3 Categories From my observations, there are basically three categories for social success in male dominated spaces. If you do not fall into one of these three, you are likely failing socially. 1. The Expert Instructors, teachers, bosses, leaders. These guys have earned their respect through competence and reaponsibility. They set the tempo. If they are talkative, be talkative. If they are silent, be silent. Etc. For Example: If you swear a lot, watch them first to find out what is acceptable. Try to stay a level or two below them. If they say fuck, you can say shit. Just because these guys make a joke at your expense doesn't mean you can make one at theirs. 2.  The Enthusiast The Hard Workers and the pinch hitters. If there is a shitty job, these guys do it. Nobody complains about them *because nobody else wants to do these jobs.* These guys rarely complain. They volunteer to be beaten up, they are *around* a lot. They are reliable. 3. The Alleviator The clown, the gopher, the slut, the partier. If you can't work well, at least make everything better for the people around you. These guys are either funny, or they bring coffee and donuts. They'll get dogged on for being bad at work, but they are like a little brother - because they are still fun to have around and have a thick enough skin to take the abuse. He's the one who says ""stepbrother what are you doing."" Moments before he gets collar choked. These guys are usually salespeople, even if they don't work in sales positions. They play the ass-kissing game well and usually have the days off to prove it. You'll hate this guy until you have 15 dickheads working at the same company. Then you'll be happy this guy brought bagels. #Earning the Right to be Right The opinion of a new guy is wrong, not because he is wrong but because he is new. Three men work for a construction company. n.1 has been doing construction for two decades. n.2 Has been working 2 years *for n.1*. n.3 just had his first day. n.2 Tells n.3 to do something against regulation. n.3, being an idiot says something idiotic like ""Well *actually* the rules say this other thing."" And he's wrong. The rules do actually say whatever n.3 said, but he's still wrong. He'll probably get cement poured into his boots because he's an idiot, and n.1 will probably fire him because he's a dickhead. To n.3: Shut up. Just because you have good ideas, does not mean you have the interests of the group at heart. Novelty is dangerous. Don't fight this process, just shut up and deal with it. #Dick Measuring vs Wing Manning Stop Dick Measuring your peers. Compliment the other guys dick. Tell his wife she's a lucky woman, that if she's not lucky you're gonna steal him and his big beautiful dick. Everyone loves to see the Dick Measurer fall and most people are happy to crouch down behind them to help them someone else push. If your dick really is that big, then your friends will know because rather than making them feel bad, you'll do something fun with it, like maybe tie your dick in a bow or something. Maybe you'll take them out on the water with it and show them how much horsepower your dicks motor has  or use it to help get your friend that new job, or help get him laid.",,4,Praexology,2022-03-07 22:27:45 marriedredpill,t8d3bj,"'Should,' 'Shouldn't' and What do you Want","This is such basic stuff, even for newbies, but when I wrote this I started counting ‘should’ in one week of recent OYS’s and stopped counting at 11. So regardless of how well many of you know this, it still shows up in journaling here. (I would argue that ‘need to’ toes the line on ‘should’. If I counted that, the amount would be ridiculous.) I was looking through a book a couple of months ago that has been in my house forever, a book on raising boys. I had never read it. Every so often I look through books around my house that I had read in my pre RP life just to see what may be in there counter to the way I operate now – just another way to keep me sharp. I picked it up for this reason and I came across a line deep in the book, *“You can’t tell your son what he should become (occupation), but you can tell him who he should become.”* There you go, knock a boy off his center, teach him to live life in others frame from the start. Life is filled with ‘you should’s’ and ‘you shouldn’ts.' School, sports, clubs, church and society are constantly telling you what you *should* think and do, who you *should* be and how you *should* act. Noticing when others say it to you can be a cue for you to take stock of yourself, focus on you, your thoughts and what you want to say or do. Seriously, how many times do you get advice or counsel from your peers, even people you respect, that tell you what you ‘*should*’ do, think or even feel? It’s even common to find yourself thinking about what you *‘should’* do in various situations based on what *internet retards* at MRP might think. It’s ok – noticing it is something many men never get to. Try to pay attention to every time it comes out of your own mouth. Pay attention to why you are saying it. Just this alone can bring you a step closer to becoming your own judge of your actions and decisions. One of the most difficult tasks as you begin/began your journey is trying to answer the question, “What do you want?” No one had ever really asked me that so pointedly and repeatedly as here. My immediate thoughts when asked that were often, “What am I supposed to want – what *SHOULD* I want?” It was a long process of continual work to get that *’should’* out of my system. I outlined in my most recent OYS that I am meeting with a friend once a week talking out many things that are not working in his life and each week I have been asking him the same thing in several of his challenges – What do you want? At first, it was deer in the headlights and of course, “I don’t know.” **This response is a result of nice guy tendencies and a life of living ingrained ‘should’s,’ then hiding or suppressing things about yourself that for one reason or another, you have deemed unacceptable.** This, in turn, leads to several facets of personal prison. A recent OYS by u/theCrimsonLine” had a long list of ‘shoulds’ he came up against and did a great job of noticing the futility of them. Go look it up. I commented that I have nearly eliminated ‘should’ from my vocabulary. Cause and effect are about the only way I use it any more: *If I keep practicing shooting my pistol, I should become a better shot. If I keep up on squats, my back should stay strong for surfing. If I keep up the same habits at work, solid production should follow.* These statements are fine with me because I am taking ownership of the things I can control and gives leeway for outcomes that I can’t control. I still don’t like to hear it from myself though – but, whatever. u/Tyred_Biggums commented the following on Crimson's OYS… *“Should” is a judgement based on shame.* *Do or don’t.* *Almost every time you say “I should have”…a “but I \[excuse\].” Don’t DEER to yourself. “I should have lifted but I was tired…”* *“I should have talked to that hot girl but I got scared...”* *“I should have asked for a raise but they will probably say no...”* Judgements based on shame are weak and it’s an ineffective way to go about taking action. Take the time to make a decision on what you want, either do it or don’t and accept the consequences either way. ‘Should’s’ be damned. If you decide you don’t want to lift and take care of yourself physically – don’t, but you do not get the pass to complain about the results. If you want the raise, ask for it. If you don’t get it, fine. At least you took action on what you wanted to do. Learn from the experience, create options and grow from it. Do or don’t. Another reason it comes out of your mouth is because you are living in others heads, or their possible perception of you instead of you being your own judge. This can be hard to break because they sound so *right…* *“I should (or need to) be a good example, a better father, husband, friend, empathizer, employee…”* – you name it. *“I should (or need to) work harder, sacrifice more, put others first more, be funnier, be more engaged, drink less…”* *“I shouldn’t want to go somewhere by myself or out with my friends, spend time on my interests, want that sexual activity…* Statements like this are frameless, potentially incongruent and invariably have a nice little covert contract attached to it. For a nice guy, recovering nice guy or recovering career beta it looks like: “I should or shouldn’t a.b.c… \[covert - so that x.y.z...\]” This is why the question “What do you want?” is so important in your own journey because for nice guys the answer to that question so many times is a variation of the same answer, “I don’t know. I should do what makes others around me happy” or “I shouldn’t do what makes others around me unhappy.” (…*so I can have a smooth, problem free, happy life*...) Recognize the *shoulds, shouldn’ts* and *need to’s*, then work on building YOUR OWN frame based on what you want, rather than what you ‘should’ or ‘shouldn’t’ want or what others say you ‘should’ or ‘shouldn’t’ do. For the really early birds – don’t go Rambo on this. Take the [silent space](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/7lolrm/thoughts_on_frame/) to figure it out. It will probably take some time to know what you want, rather than what you think you want. Forget the Should's, Shouldn'ts, and need to's. Either do or Don't.",,69,[deleted],2022-03-07 00:53:05 marriedredpill,t69bhg,Fake It Till You Make It,"FITYMI Revisiting this concept because I see so many people totally fail to understand what the purpose of FITYMI is. MRP is composed of basically two parts: Red Pill Truth and Red Pill Strategy The whole point of obligatory FITYMI is to *experiment with these community agreed upon truths and strategies, then see what conclusions you personally come to*. In the end you aren't suppose to just to believe everything here because some guy said so - Red Pill isn't a religion despite how so many guys act. This is your first step into developing FRAME. And I know most of you aren't doing this because of the gem colored turds in askMRP. The same happens whenever you see some dunce in OYS arguing about ""Well that wouldn't work for me"" - these guys either want to know what strategies to use but have never done the work, or jerk off into their own mouths enough to think they don't need to try a strategy like ""lift and bjj"" because they think they're smart enough to see how dumb it is without doing it. **Here's an example:** Red Pill Truth: Texting is for Logistics Only Turns out it's horse crap! Well, for me it is anyway. Most of you can't help but triple text your hopeful side piece then block her like that indian guy that keeps sliding in my DMs. (and that's why even though I don't agree with it for me, I still agree with it for the masses.) Alternatively, over the last 3.5 years I've had a real come to Jesus moment regarding the value of Mayor Game, STFU and likeability. I watched my life significantly improve when I stopped being a sperg just because I wanted to be ""authentic"" to whatever unconscious cupcake hide deep inside. I did this by experimenting with my own life and watching as my peers experimented with the same ideas. But like you will, I had hang ups. Little niggling feelings of insecurity that try to stop me from behaving in the new way - this is why you have to fake it. You are defying your sensibilities. *The very same sensibilities that turned you into the you that you are now.* You are questioning the very core identity blocks that created the horrible statue of YOU. The whole point is to replace these block one at a time. You can't put too much pressure on your identity, or try to change everything all at once, otherwise it will cause you to break frame. (This is what is called going Rambo.) Your identity cannot handle the weight stress an instantaneous total transformation would cause. We all understand the [Thousand Foot Rope](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/6i4vvn/captain_rambo/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) this also applies to you and yourself. You are both the first mate, and the captain. You don't trust yourself to lead (and you shouldn't honestly) but the map you now have is different, and it won't start feeling like you're actually being your own captain until you've done it for a while.",,53,Praexology,2022-03-04 03:21:39 marriedredpill,t43974,"Own Your Shit Weekly - March 01, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,20,AutoModerator,2022-03-01 08:30:15 marriedredpill,t1ys33,OYS and DTS....Near 46 years married and resurrecting the DB.,"In the last 8 years of my marriage my wife has stated that I'm a wimp, nice guys finish last, you wasted your career, and implied I was a failure. My wife is not a feminist but a very strong willed women from a very large family of mostly male siblings. Her hypergamy has been overt as our daughters found husbands. In today's world of 6 feet and over I'm 5 feet eight to her 5 feet seven. Ironic. We're about an equal match per a 1 to 10 rating in our day. We're late 60s. I can be too nice if you call my penchant for not screwing over people in business. I was taught your handshake and word is number one. Risk is not something I fear and was always punching above my weight. Win or lose I grew up saying only people who do nothing don't make mistakes. I'd started a company, built it up, seen it prosper and seen it crash and rebuild. The DB developed after our mid fifties as my wife's anxiety over security of the future grew. The combination of no sex and not owning my errors and problems wore me down and exacerbated her anxiety. I'd shrunk into the classic CEO at work and wimp at home. Only the wimp was starting to dominate from about 10 years ago. About 6 years ago in the depths of near bankruptcy of my business I realized the only path was being fearless. I stopped hiding failure from my wife. I stopped making excuses. I stated my plans to return to profits and refused to seek my wife's sympathy or respond to insults. And, told her that no sex equals no marriage. I set a new direction in the company and I'm near selling it which is the complete opposite of six years ago. Nothing big, but makes the future secure. Sex has returned as I've applied OYS and DTS (don't take shit). Dropped all the passive aggressive behavior, became what I was and treat my wife with respect but stopped walking on eggshells in the fear of her formerly effective verbal assaults. There remains territory to regain. Lessons.... Results count although they don't come without risk of failure. Own both. Walking on eggshells is a cancer. In any relationship of any type you must be aware and stop. Sure the blow back can be severe but usually you look stronger. If you wimp out at home you will start to wimp at work. Your wife had options. She's always going to wonder. Accept that but also refuse to reinforce her doubts when you experience failure. Never assume externalities are an excuse. In sickness where sex is impossible be the stand up guy. But, in health overtly state the have and to hold is fullfilled or the contract expires. Marriage is a bilateral contract. You both have obligations in which you find fulfillment. 30 or 40 years of bad relationship behaviors will take a similar number of months to correct. Your grandchildren will make you part of family legend. Your kids want to tell their kids how you succeed despite failure. Later you kids realize you were human with defects, but that dies and success lives. Lol...this week...cause was not significant. Paraphrasing....my wife Your nothing, your opinions are worthless as you haven't achieved anything. Only performance counts and you don't measure up. You sound so authoritative and act like you are right. (I use facts to back my statements). ... Next night I don't acknowledge the outbursts. She apologized. Sex tonight.",,18,henrycatalina,2022-02-26 14:50:43 marriedredpill,t1ebsn,"Very Basic ""2-2 Dinner Party"" Social Skills","This one's for all you social auti--s out there. Some of this may seem overly basic, but I can think of at least 7 people off the top of my head who would benefit from at least a few of these - and every one of them is relevant for at least one of those people. I'm sure others are in that same boat, even beyond my 7, so here goes. Social influence is one of the most valuable domains to keep a mastery on. Over the years I've gotten a number of questions about conversational strategy and social skills, as it's one of my strengths. There's a lot of different sub-groups within the broader category of ""social influence,"" though. Take cold approaches, for example. /u/TheChristianAlpha is probably the best I've ever seen at this, in-person. I randomly took him to dinner and half way through he had our waitress sitting at our table in tears as he's telling her how Jesus is the best solution to her life troubles. I thought I was great at cold approaches. He put me to shame. Then there are group gatherings, professional functions, public events, and the like - all which require unique (though often overlapping) sets of skills, depending on your goals for the situation. Do you just want to have fun? Are you trying to build a relationship with someone in particular? Are you just trying to meet new people, generally? Are you trying to teach someone in your group a personal lesson or model a skill or trait for them? There are all kinds of goals you can have, and those should and will affect how you approach your time. I have a dinner party with a new couple this weekend, and someone else asked about a similar situation (having another couple over for dinner) recently as well, so I'm going to stick with the dinner party context and assume the goal is simple: make new friends. What I do with that friendship later is a separate goal. For right now let's just make sure things go off without a hitch. _____ **10 Dinner Party Tips** **1 - Practice ""Mayor Game""** Rather than going in crazy depth here, I'll defer a lot to [Jacktenofhearts' comment here](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/4fv3rb/be_married_like_its_your_job_career_betabux_get/d2cmgls/). Obviously it's a bit different because a two-couple dinner party is not a mass social outing. But in our context it will mean engaging in small talk, even if you don't care what it is. This small talk will be filtered throughout the evening between larger topics, which we'll get to later. **The utility of your mayor game here is to make people *feel* like they're having a good time** through subtle (or, on lesser occasion, overt) supportive gestures rather than trying to push an agenda for yourself. You are pushing your own agenda: ""make new friends"" and ""advance my social network."" The mayor benefits from mayor game. But he does it in a way that looks like you're the one benefiting from him. That's why he's so doggone popular. **2 - Don't Dominate** Yeah, I know all you alpha-wannabes think dominating is everything. Domination is a tool. 2-2 dinner dates where you're just trying to build rapport with someone aren't necessarily the best situation for that tool. Domination is great for building sexual attraction with women or respect from men in male-only spaces, but when you put yourself in front of another married couple, the dynamic needs shift away from brute domination toward charm. Mayor game is also highly relevant here. The mayor isn't dominating the conversation. He's its catalyst. I like to think of my conversational style at 2-2 dinner parties as if I'm pushing one of my kids on a swing. They're the one on the swing, not me. It's not about me. At first, I may have to push several times to get her going, some hard pushes even. But once she's got momentum, it's just a few light taps here and there to keep her from slowing down. If I look away too long and she slows down too much, I push hard again, but it only takes one good push that time. In the end, my daughter had a great time and I didn't have to do much. She gets off the swing and is smitten with what a great time she had with me. **3 - Don't expect help** If I insisted that I be the one on the swing (i.e. dominated the activity) and that they should be priming the conversation for me to enjoy, I'll end up sorely disappointed. Why? Because my 4yr old isn't strong enough to push me on the swing. Even my 10yr old couldn't push me very high. I'm the strong one, not them. Your dinner guests may actually be better conversationalists than you - and if so, that's great. But don't expect it. I used to expect it and it backfired often. Go in expecting that they are conversationally weak and immature. You will be less disappointed and more on your game that way. **4 - Use your wife** She's there to help. Let her help. If she is sidelined in the conversation, (a) she's going to be upset afterward because of your crappy leadership, and why bring those tests and burdens on yourself? But more significantly: (b) your guests will notice and it will affect how they feel about YOU. They came to see both of you, not just you (in most cases). One of my common strategies is the ""Have you met Ted?"" play from How I Met Your Mother. I introduce a topic, put my wife on the spot (sometimes awkwardly, for hilarity) and say, ""You've got a good story on that, babe. Why don't you tell them?"" (if I know she actually does) or, ""Honey, what do you think of that?"" (if I'm being more general). This form of enabling someone else in the conversation is the best way to play mayor game in small settings, priming conversations without dominating them. **5 - Ask lots of questions** The goal is getting to know them and building a relationship. Excellent. Best way to do that is to speak with other people on their terms about things they enjoy. If they, on their own, raise a topic of interest to you, by all means: engage. Share your own thoughts. But always end what you say with a question. Whenever you talk, you should finish your portion of the conversation in one of two ways: - You slowed down your speech enough, winding down your thought, that they cut you off with their own thoughts **(ideal)** - They didn't cut you off, so you ask a question to pass the ball **6 - Avoid Awkward Silences** If you finish talking and one of the two above things hasn't happened, the ball is still in your hands. More accurately: the ball is rolling around on the floor without anyone picking it up, and because you're the last one who had it, it's your fumble. If it's not a natural transfer, asking a question passes it. Even if no one answers, instead of you fumbling, it's them failing to catch it. Sure, it can still be a bad pass if you asked a dumb question, but something is better than nothing. Without a question, you haven't passed the ball. It's still your ball. They may break the awkward silence and steal it from you, but then the impression is: ""This is boring. He's just holding the ball. I don't like boring, so I'll grab it and do something."" To be fair, I *LOVE* awkward silences. They're great learning and teaching tools. But not when my goal is to get to know someone or build a relationship. Awkward silences are better when you're leading a workshop/teaching a class/giving a lecture/etc. Use the right tool in the right context. A first dinner party is not the proper context for the awkward silence tool. **7 - One Big Topic, One Backup** Not 5. Not 0. One or two. Your guests may have big topics too, but (per no. 3) don't expect their help. Big topics are things you know *the group* can spend 30+ minutes talking about before changing subjects again. This is hardest with new people. If I were chatting with one of you all, I know I can bring up anything red pill and we can go off for a while. With someone like /u/praexology, I can mention the topic of behavioral study and we're good for 30+ minutes. With my friend Ryan, it's home repair. With John, it's church discipleship. Big topics must be something you're either fluent in, or where you can fake fluency reasonably well. Ideally, your big topic will be something personally relevant for them. For example, if the person's dad is dying of cancer, ask about that and let that spawn big-topic ideas for conversation. If you are really struggling for big topic ideas, just ask yourself, ""What is everyone on the internet posting about?"" If it's Ukraine/Russia, you can go with that. If it's some new BLM outrage, use that one. If it's a celebrity doing something absurd, that's another. The pop-event is not the topic. The philosophical questions and issues the event raises are your big topic. Example: With Ukraine/Russia, I'd be asking questions like: - Countries used to war all the time, but our wars lately have been against small factions, not whole nations. Have we really evolved as a people or did we just become complacent in a few decades of general world peace? - To what extent should we, as individual citizens third party to what's going on, actually get concerned with political issues like this? - Should the US intervene at all? Or is it better to let other nations figure out their own problems? Notice how these are all questions. You will have opportunity to share your views, but not until after you let them share theirs first. The reason is no. 8, below. The goal of your ""one big topic"" is to make the other people feel like you actually discussed something of substance rather than lots of small talk before going home. **You need the small-talk too.** Small-talk matters, especially when it's, ""What's been going on in your life lately?"" Showing them that you actually care about who they are and what they're experiencing matters. If you only care about their opinions on subjects, but not their own life experience, you will have an obvious gaping hole in the ""get to know you"" aspect of the relationship. But don't neglect the big-issues that will drive conversation through the evening too. Put another way: small-talk lets you know what's happening in their life. Big topics let you know who they are as people. How you handle the ""big topic"" and which topic you selected is vital to them feeling like a relationship is being built. That's the topic that will make them go home and think, ""We really got to know them."" Without a big topic they will think on the drive home, ""That was decent chit chat"" and they won't give you a second thought. **8 - Read the Room** The first 20 minutes your guests are over are the prime opportunity to assess who they are. You'll be able to tell if the guy is passive or dominant. You can figure out if the wife runs the show or if she's a biblical helper. You can assess whether they are neat or sloppy. You'll pick up things about their lingo and style of speech. You'll figure out if they're socially competent or inept. Most importantly, you can use all of this information to assess what's safe to discuss and not. Trying to red knight the new co-worker and his wife on the first dinner date you have with him is ... not smart. Remember, you have a goal: build a relationship/get to know them. Saying something that completely offends them is counter-productive to that goal, even if it happens to be true. *AFTER* the relationship is well-established, you will have room to say offensive/unsafe things and they won't care. But if they're at all like 99% of the world, you will not be given that level of respect up-front. You'll have to gauge their body language, facial expressions, times when they forcibly derail the conversation (especially if it's unnatural to the natural flow). Another big aspect of reading the room is gauging how well they're responding to the things you're saying and doing. The reason you often want to ask questions about their views before sharing your own is not only because it (a) creates the trust necessary to get away with sharing some of your more ""unpopular"" views and opinions, but also (b) gives you valuable information about where they're coming some so you can present your ""unpopular"" views and opinions in a more palatable way, without compromising your goals for the evening. If while you're reading the room you notice that you're cutting them off more than they're cutting you off, you're not asking enough questions and they're going to *feeeeel* disengaged with the conversation, even if they are actually engaging. From there, part of reading the room also means ... **9 - Avoid Taboo Topics** ... until the relationship/respect is established well-enough that you know you can pull it off. I've already hinted at this, so I won't go too much more in-depth here. Suffice it to say: power-playing a taboo topic just to see how someone responds is fun. It's a useful skill to have. But as with awkward silences, taboo topics are the wrong tool for early-stage ""get to know you"" dinners. **10 - Think Beyond the Conversation** Are their glasses empty? Ask if they need more to drink. Did they eat everything on their plate? Maybe it wasn't enough and they want more, but are too ""courteous"" to get seconds without it being offered. Are they stretching their backs a lot? Maybe it's time to move from the table to the couch. Pay attention to the non-conversational aspects of what's going on in order to be a good host. This form of hospitality will be essential in leaving a good impression. Good first impressions earn influence later. Women are GREAT at this. But if your wife is the only one doing it, you'll end up in dynamics like I used to be in years ago, where people would think, ""We really like her, but R-C is weird."" They have to see the leader/helper dynamic between the two of you as a healthy interplay, not as distinct functions. Lead by example in this way. Maybe you offer to refill their cup, but your wife stands up and says, ""Oh yeah, I can get that."" You led with the insight that they may be thirsty, she helped do the actual work of getting their drinks. If your wife picks up on something like that, play the, ""Oh yeah, that reminds me"" card and pick something else to lead into, like, ""I might want to grab some seconds. Any of you want some while I'm up?"" or ""Now's probably a good time to pull out dessert anyway."" Activities are a great way to go beyond the conversation too - especially if the guy seems disengaged and his wife is doing all the talking. Most men prefer to **do** rather than talk. My wife and I are big on board games. We keep an assortment that are both complex and easy, so if there's ever a lull in conversation, we have an option for anyone - other board-gamers or people who just want to play a round of euchre. Lots of times the board game collection is even the context for inviting someone over, ""Oh, we should totally do a game night!"" 75% of the time when we schedule these game nights we never actually play any board games because conversation is great and it doesn't go there. But we're always ready. Other activity ideas could be - Going on a walk around your neighborhood - I know some of the guys around here like to use video games. I personally avoid this, as I'm not a huge video-gamer in the first place. But if there's something unique, like my son's VR, that can be a lot of fun. Party games on a TV/game system can also be useful. - Sometimes I like to have my guests, when they're over, actually help with some aspect of the cooking. This is a bit riskier, but cooking new and interesting dishes is already a hobby of mine, so it's a small way to invite someone else into a world where I am competent enough to carry the activity while still making them feel engaged without an actual burden.",,80,Red-Curious,2022-02-25 20:57:22 marriedredpill,szaxiq,"Abundance Fatigue and ""The Meaning of Life""","I've observed that abundance isn't always the blessing people expect, but is perhaps sometimes the one they need. Let's be clear up-front: - **Abundance Mentality** is when you live your life in a way as if you have abundance, whether you do or not. - **Actual Abundance** is the fact behind the mentality. You either have it or you don't. Let's briefly look at 3 mistakes people make when improperly balancing these two in their lives. **Over-Confidence** Some people have an abundance mentality without actual abundance. This can be good and bad. On the ""good"" side, I like the ""fake it 'til you make it"" concept. This works marvelously ... as long as you *actually make it* and you're not just faking it all your life, which just cripples your frame. A guy who acts as if he already has the thing he wants will find it much easier to attain it ""again"" - especially when it comes to sexual dynamics. On the ""bad"" side, I'm reminded of the saying: ""Before you attempt to beat the odds, be sure you could survive the odds beating you."" Some men play the abundance mentality or other confidence-techniques in ways they're not ready for, and when it doesn't work, they find themselves turning to the black pill, thinking the ""abundance mentality"" concept failed them in one set of circumstances, so it must be a failure in all, so they just give up and assume looks are all that matter. **Broken Confidence** The consequence of failed over-confidence reminds me of circus elephants. Did you know an elephant in the circus (before PITA put the kibosh on all that) could be tied to a 3ft stake in the ground and it will not escape? It could easily rip it out. In fact, if you take a wild elephant and tie it to that same 3ft stake, it'll rip it right out. Why doesn't the circus elephant? Because when it was a baby, it was tied to that same stake. It tugged and pulled and stretched at its rope with no luck. Eventually it just gave up. When it grew and developed the strength and ability to rip the stake out, it wouldn't - because its confidence was broken. That same danger exists with sexual dynamics both inside the home and out. I remember in my own past being denied sex and thinking under similar situations even years and years later, ""She said no in these circumstances last time, so she'll say no again,"" so I didn't even bother trying. This self-defeatist attitude wasn't helping me ... or her. Or anyone. It just made the world a sucky place to live in. Even shortly after I had just-cause for initiation-confidence and could have had an actual abundance of sex, I didn't believe it was real, so my lack of abundance mentality put the kibosh on my sexuality as hard as PITA did to the circus elephants. Goodbye, poor circus elephants. We miss you. **""Just a little bit more.""** All of that leads us to the very real situation of a person with actual abundance, but no abundance mentality. Shockingly, one would think the former would produce the latter, but it often doesn't. I remember reading a quote about John D. Rockefeller, who at one point had 1% of the entire US economy as his net wealth. Insane. A reporter asked him, ""How much money is enough?"" His answer: ""Just a little bit more."" Now, I fully expect Rockefeller had an abundance mentality to go with his unquenchable thirst. But many guys will actually let their quest for abundance control them to a point where they are never satisfied and it creates a scarcity mentality, despite being in the SMP equivalent range of a Rockefeller. I've met guys like this. Sometimes ONEitis is the culprit - because they can have any girl they want, *except that one* who he met before he became ""all that."" _____ **Abundance and Hypergamy** Women have actual abundance. For the most part any girl who's a 4 or higher could probably walk into a bar and announce, ""Who wants to have sex with me?"" and *someone* in the bar would be willing to take her up on that offer (barring circumstances that might get in his way). Girls on dating websites have a plethora of male attention - even the ugly ones. On social media, guys will rush to a woman's defense or disproportionately respond to women's posts over men's. I don't need to prove this point, right? We have all seen it. But let me tell you - 99% of those women, when they were barely pubescent, still got flutters in their stomach at the first guy or two who showed any actual interest in them. Why? Because they hadn't been emotionally inoculated yet. That same young girl, no doubt, maintained a steady stream of attention from men for years. It may not have always been the attention she wanted, but it was attention nonetheless. This is where hypergamy is born. The constant stream of attention makes the drug ineffective, hence inoculation. Pharmacists are noticing this with the z-pak with with bacterial infections. The z-pak has become so over-used that many strains of bacteria have become immune to it, so they have to create stronger antibiotics. When a woman has been inoculated to low-brow attention from men, she needs a stronger, more powerful hit. That means a higher value man. Instead of getting flutters when the 5 gives her attention, she then needs the 6 ... then the 7, and so on. Non-hypergamous men are willing to give them that attention because ""the chance of sex is still the chance of sex."" Does he intend to marry her? Probably not. She won't get the commitment she seeks. but the sexual attention she craves is coming - and from higher than her market value would account for. Even if a woman manages to get a ring from the highest-value man in her social sphere, over time she will become inoculated to even his affection and begin to look elsewhere. At this point, lateral moves are a viable option, even in the absence of upward potential ... ergo ""branch swinging."" This is why there's a V in DEVI. As I assume /u/hornsofapathy would tell you, there's often value in integrating sexual dynamics outside the bedroom just as much as in it. One of my solutions to this problem is to constantly [expand my playbook of ways to keep life/sex/""the relationship"" (whatever that means) interesting rather than stale](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/kjuyzv/merry_christmas_ive_put_together_my_tricks_of_the/). New ""tricks of the trade"" create new flutters. _____ **Abundance Fatigue** The way women become inoculated to male attention can happen to men with actual sexuality as well. The only difference is that women tend to look up (hypergamy) for a bigger dose, whereas most men I've met tend to look down. They get depressed and nihilistic. Most of these guys had made sex out to be their god, violating the third commandment of poon - ""You shall make your mission, not your woman, your priority."" For reasons I won't go into here, I'm persuaded that at least in monogamous relationships, making sex from her your priority de facto makes her your priority, even if because of whatever ""blah blah red pill blah blah"" you don't get sex from her the way she thinks she wants it. But this applies to non-monogamous relationships too. I remember [a post from a TRP Endorsed Contributor](https://www.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/8r86c2/ec_on_trp_explains_why_making_sex_your_god_fails/) who had essentially ""mastered"" sexual strategy and had such great abundance - both actual and in mentality - that he, theoretically, could have sex whenever he wanted. The story initially reads like a success story on how effective the red pill is ... until you get to the end and find out that actual abundance turned him nihilistic and horrified. I'll call this ""abundance fatigue."" It's when a person experiences abundance to such a degree that he no longer values the thing he now has in abundance. A bite of chocolate cake is delicious. I have no use for having 12 chocolate cakes in my kitchen. This is why restaurants will sell you a slice of pie for $9, or the whole pie for $15 (although there are other aspects of business psychology in there too). Imagine a meteor shower hit earth raining gold from the sky all over the world. What do you think that would do to the value of gold? Is it going to go up? Stay the same? Of course not. It would plummet. Because when you have more of something than you actually need or care to have, its value diminishes. _____ **Wisdom From Solomon** King Solomon was wise enough that even atheists will quote him. He was famous for having 700 wives and 300 concubines. Crazy. That's a new woman a day for 3-ish years (though, let's face it, it was probably multiple a day, likely even at a time). Yet he writes: > I amassed silver and gold for myself, and the treasure of kings and provinces. I acquired male and female singers, **and a harem as well - the delights of a man's heart. I became greater by far than anyone in Jerusalem before me.** Then he says, fascinatingly: > In all this my wisdom stayed with me. What cocky arrogance. I love it. Not only did he have a harem of 1000-ish women, but he was never mentally consumed by all of it. He goes on: > **I denied myself nothing my eyes desired**; I refused my heart no pleasure > My heart took delight in all my labor, and this was the reward for all my toil. > Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, > **everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun.** (from Ecclesiastes 2) Solomon spends quite some time after this on his diatribe toward the meaning of life, but I won't get into that here. The point is simple: even the wisest man in the world realized the nihilistic end of such pursuits. _____ **This Isn't So Bad** Abundance fatigue can be depressing - to realize that everything you hoped and strived for all this time isn't all it's cracked up to be when you're swimming in it. *But that's actually okay*. The reality is that abundance fatigue is usually associated with men who haven't actually ""killed the blue."" I remember Rollo writing in one of his posts that some men like to take blue pill notions and ""sprinkle a little red on it."" Some guys get REALLY good at sprinkling so much red that they look pretty doggone red. But when they end up nihilistic because mass-sex didn't fulfill them the way they'd hoped, it's clear that they were still living in their blue pill fantasy world and needed something more. I once wrote a post about [Killing the Blue](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/do5ltp/killing_the_blue/) - and if I were to re-write it today, I'd have a lot more to add, but one that stands out in this context is the blue pill notion that ""women can fulfill us"" - even if ""women"" is an indirect way of saying ""sex."" I remember in my early days of having discovered the red pill, I was sex-starved. Constant denials. Sex was once every few months, if-that. We went as long as 18 months with squat (and not the kind you do in the gym). I had in my mind, reading MMSLP for the first time, that by the time I was done, I'd be having sex multiple times a day. And yeah, we got there. Once I realized I had achieved actual abundance - that sex was available whenever I wanted ... I no longer wanted it as much as I thought. I cared more about quality than quantity. It's the same with fasting. I remember fasting for an entire week once. When it was over, I thought about all the foods I would eat. We went to a buffet. I filled my plate and sat down. A few bites in, I was done. Why? Because my actual appetite was nowhere near as big as I thought it was when I was starving. Different people will have different thresholds, but I'd wager every guy here will have a point where he realizes, ""X is enough sex."" Back to Poon - **""You shall make your mission, not your woman, your priority.""** **Becoming nihilistic from life due to an over-abundance of many good things is cured simply by finding something more valuable to spend your time on than accumulating that which will ultimately disappoint.** If you bother to read the rest of the book of Ecclesiastes, by chapter 12 you'll find that Solomon figured out what he believed to be the meaning of life. You need to figure that out for yourself and then pursue it.",,40,Red-Curious,2022-02-23 06:53:56 marriedredpill,sz6a0p,The purpose of OYS - A reminder,"This is a reminder for posters in the OYS weekly thread. The process of writing your OYS is the reason for writing it. Your OYS is by you, for you. Writing an OYS should assist you in collecting your thoughts and identifying weak points and strong points. Writing is the process, as it takes your jumbled thoughts and helps make them more concrete. Writing helps you reflect. Helps you to think things through. To reiterate. **Writing your OYS and learning by writing is the reason you should be posting to OYS.** Don't write 'for MRP'. We're internet strangers, who cares what we think. Others may read what you write, and get something from it. But that is not the goal, nor the purpose. If you're writing the same shit every week, or putting in the same list of books you read, or the same background - remember, this is for you. Does looking at that every week help you in any way? Are you only writing it so other posters can see you've 'done the work'? If you find yourself holding ctrl_v and ctrl_c when you put together your OYS, then you've missed the point.",,59,threekindsoflucky,2022-02-23 02:54:14 marriedredpill,syiinb,"Own Your Shit Weekly - February 22, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,15,AutoModerator,2022-02-22 08:30:11 marriedredpill,sv1chu,No More Mr. Man-Child,"**TL;DR** Lifetime Drunk Captain reads Rollo and gets mad. Reads NMMNG and applies tools intended for Nice Guys, not Drunk Captains. Realizes he’s actually a Drunk Captain, gets his shit together but does it for his wife. Gets mad when she doesn’t appreciate it. Stumbles into competence, self respect, and congruence through effort, while applying assertive tools and rights in WISNIFG. Relationship with wife and life in general improves. **Background** 34, Wife 33 married almost 8 years. Wife has one son and I have fathered one son. It’s the same kid. He’s 3. **How I ended up here** After the kid was born, I found myself in a mostly dead bedroom with a resentful mommy wife. **Drunk Captain Man Child** Throughout the relationship, I was your prototypical drunk captain man child. Between my easy job and my hobbies I could hardly be bothered by the status and direction of my household. I smoked weed everyday. I could barely tell you the cost of any bill. I didn’t plan the vacations or getaways. I did the bare minimum around the house and in the yard and anything I did, I would have to be prompted like a little boy and usually threw a fit because “I just wanted to relax”. I punched holes in doors and walls and broke things if I got called out. If something around the house needed to be repaired, her dad would fix it. I was essentially useless in the context of home life. Shortly after the kid was born, I read Rollo. Like an idiot, I started projecting all of the labels and archetypes on myself and my wife and our situation in general. And, I got mad. I got mad that I already broke 6 of the 9 “rules” before I even knew they existed. I assumed that simply by marring me, my wife must think I was the beta bucks and there must be an Alpha Chad out there she couldn’t tame and I got mad. I got mad because “if I had known about this when I was 18 or even 24, hell, I’d be the baddest Alpha Wolf Warrior out here”. If you peered inside my retarded mind at the time, it would look like this: Alpha good. Beta baaaad. Should I be spinning plates? An Alpha God King Lion would. Marriage is gay. Gotta kill the beta. LOL look at these fag white knights everywhere. Couldn’t be me. Wife just gave birth, haha, you’re welcome for my alpha seed bitch now its time for overt dread! Emboldened by this “awareness” I couldn’t wait to go out in to the world and run my fucking mouth about how smart I was about the interseggsual dynamics. I peaked into this place and saw a bunch of fat fags. Nah, not for me, I’m better than this, and off to YouTube we go to regurgitate “HyPeRgAmY DoN’t CaRe SiMp”. All the while, my relationship was ass. I had a bitchy and resentful mommy wife and a dry dick. This all came to a head during the kid’s first birthday party, which of course, was totally planned and coordinated by my wife. The day of, she sent her little man-child to pick up the cake while she got ready and her parents set up the tables in the garage. This was extremely inconvenient for me because “the game” was on. When I got back, I set the cake on the main table and as my wife looked at it, she hit the floor in despair like a girl from A League of Their Own when they find out their husband was killed in battle. Turns out, the kids name was spelled wrong. I didn’t even notice. At the time, I was like, “no-one else will notice or care why are you so upset?”. Obviously, it was never about the cake. **Respect and Entitlement** If there was one thing I learned about being an AlphaLion, it is the importance of respect. I knew that Alpha Soldiers were respected by everyone around them, especially their wives. The wife of an Alpha could be seen gazing in admiration at her man on Rollo’s twitter page #AlphaTells. The Alphas always had Rivelino’s green line leaning towards him, never away. The Alpha’s wife would be kneeling before him waiting to suck his cock right as he got home. Obviously, I didn’t have a wife that treated me this way. Not even close. And how dare she? How dare she be so ungrateful when I could leave her at anytime? You want to give me shit 24/7? How does that sexual market place look for a post wall single mom these days? I would not stand for being in a relationship like this. I am entitled to better because Im an Alpha god dammit. **Insert NMMNG** So I came back here with my tail between my legs to figure out why my wife was such a bitch and started lurking. Fine, I’ll read the sidebar. I started reading NMMNG and I LOVED it. But why? The early breaking free activities call on you to ponder how and why Nice Guy behaviors develop, and you discover that it was the people and experiences in your early childhood that made you feel like you weren’t ok the way you were. Whew, it's not my fault I’m an asshole. Then, it’s about letting go of approval seeking behaviors. People can still love you if you have flaws. Love me for me! I don’t have to change. BFA’s 9,10 and 11? Holy shit I’m awesome and should toats do more for me. Where should I go on vacation for ten days by myself?? **Turning Point** Now, I don’t really have some romantic rock bottom scene where I remembered some Rocky quote and “I suddenly realized…” but I eventually came across J10’s Drunk Captain post, and this was the closest I came to a ‘holy fuck’ moment. ***The Problem:*** *If your story starts with saying, ""I was alpha, met my wife, and turned beta,"" this is probably you. But your wife didn't turn you beta, you did. In other words, you're the Drunk Captain.* *It's not about the groceries. She's berating and henpecking you because she's pissed off that you haven't stepped up as leader of the household. She's reluctantly had to take the reigns, because she feels the ship will crash otherwise. She's no longer telling you what structural improvements she wants -- she's given up completely on your ability to execute anything meaningful. So all your attempts to ""help"" are looked at almost with contempt. No amount of running errands or doing chores will make up for the major deficiencies you've allowed in your life.* Luckily some fucking saint compiled all of his posts and comments into one place and I devoured them. Another Gem: *But then there are a variant of the unplugging men here who are ""man-children,"" essentially, our proverbial Drunk Captains. These guys are Alpha +0, Beta +0. And these are the men with wives who nag and henpeck them to death because those men can barely muster enough competence to dress themselves every morning and get to their mediocre job on time(ish). That's it. That's the extent of contributions to their household and value they bring to anyone besides themselves. Otherwise, they come home from work, watch TV and/or play videogames, and then come here grumbling about why their wife is such a nagging shrew who won't fuck them.* *Those men are already utter failures as Captains, and so when they perceive their first unplugging steps as ""do what you want to do and who gives a fuck about what she thinks"" --* ***those men have literally been doing that their whole life!*** *So this isn't exactly going to inspire gina tingles in your wife. It's just going to make your wife think, Well, he's mostly useless but at least he does whatever I say. Wait, now he's not even doing that anymore?* This whole time I have been thinking and acting like I was this victim-of-the-Gynocentric-Social-Order-Nice-Guy when in fact, I was neither of those. I was a bum. I had zero congruence behind these tools and techniques. I had no leverage. From then on, I operated under the framework of being a reforming Man-Child. **What would you do if your wife was gone?** This has been echoed here and was a very helpful for me to get going. A great question to ask if you don’t know what to do. I decided I would do everything. I was going to outwork my wife to the point of absurdity and see if I could land somewhere sustainable. I cooked. Cleaned. Fixed what needed to be fixed that was put off without calling for help. Figured it the fuck out. I picked where we’d go eat. Took the kid to do fun shit. Not that I wouldn’t before, but now I was making the schedule and arranging activities. I pretended I was a single dad. I moved my gym time to 530am so I could be home, get stuff done and be present when they were awake. I made decisions. Some worked out, a lot didn’t. Stopped smoking weed. Stopped hiding in the shitter for 30 minutes at a time, beating off until my ass was numb with the toilet seat imprint. I came home, put my phone in the drawer and got into the nightly grind. I actually applied myself to the status and direction of the home. On one side of the coin, I gained a lot of confidence. In addition to the daily household duties I stepped up with, I got our outdoor landscaping in order, remodeled our patio, made the kid a play house. I handled all the paperwork and red tape for refinancing our home. With the help of google and YouTube, ended up fixing nearly every appliance in the home. Audited finances and cut unnecessary expenses. I even got a side gig of sorts and increased our income by 50% with one deal. I was going out in the world and making an impact and owning shit at home. BUT at the same time, I was deeply frustrated and felt more hopeless than ever. I’m sure the vets on here could guess why. Essentially, woven within all of these improvements was a covert contract: ***If I get my shit together, my wife will respect me.*** Since I was the Man-Child and my wife’s nagging and resentment was fair, I fell into the trap of making her my judge. I looked to mommy for a pat on the back and an atta boy and I experienced crippling anger when she would criticize me or not show appreciation. It seemed like I couldn’t do anything right. I would pick out an outfit for the kid. “That doesn’t fit him anymore”. When I cleaned, “you missed a spot”. I was not prepared for how shitty I was going to be at these things at first and the criticism that would follow. It makes sense, I didn’t really practice living my life this way. I fucked up a lot. I burned food. I shrunk the kids clothes on accident. I paid the wrong bill at the wrong time. I bought the wrong parts for the refrigerator and had to send them back. Shit like that. I wasted money and time and my wife dunked on me every step of the way. Coming to terms with my incompetence was extremely uncomfortable and was rooted in the covert contract. **Putting It All Together With WISNIFG** I’ve always had some things going for me. Stayed in good shape. My hobbies are athletic based and my jobs require good social skills and I have a lot of friends and social contacts from both. I can shoot the shit with anyone and have been jokingly accused of “running for mayor” when we go out because we live in a small enough town that it’s not uncommon we see someone we know. From here, I looked at my situation and I felt I was at least outworking my wife, I was raising my standards of when and how to get shit done. The effort and consideration in regards to leading family matters was there. Andrew Tate might call me a simp and I guess you could say I was just chore playing but I did what I had to in order to look myself in the mirror at the end of the day and earn some self respect. Slowly, really fucking slowly, I started achieving a level of *competence* in all areas of my life which gave me some authority. Once I had earned some authority, I could righteously exercise my assertive rights and apply those tools like fogging, NI, and NA congruently. I started to make decisions on purpose, and with consideration and acceptance of consequences either way. I made observations on wether or not those decisions led to the outcome I wanted, and adjustments were made accordingly. **Results** I've gone from fucking my wife in one place, in one position our whole relationship, to bending her over and sneak fucking her in the kids closet while he plays in the next room. From floating in the abyss of indecision about where we should eat, to telling her where we are going, what to wear, what color her I want her toenail polish to be and getting road head on the way home for the first time. If I did have a cathartic moment, it was seeing that once I had genuine self respect, I didn’t NEED my wife’s or anyone else’s. All it takes to get rid of a covert contract is to become aware of it. These assertive rights gave me a new level of confidence. I became keen on how the people around me and the world in general will try to manipulate me into foregoing them for their own benefit, even at the expense of mine. Forgive me as I wander into the faggotry container words, but it’s obvious now that I have to win and be a winner. Not for the wife, not for the kid, not for society. The wife will benefit from being on a sick ass ride with a fun and competent man, that can also be an oak and create an escape.(Thank You HOA). I can be a purple ranger power dad on social media all I want in order to be perceived as a “good father”, but If I really care about my son, I will make sure his dad is not a bitch, and win. There is no shortage of dudes “sacrificing” their goals and vision for their kids and it’s just another covert contract and a sneaky way of punting responsibility. Wait until the kids grow up and resent them for being a fat loser. They will turn around and blame them because they could’ve been this and that if they didn’t cap themselves on behalf of their kids. I don’t want to be that guy. And fuck society. Nobody gives a fuck about me, really. I am alone and nothing is mine forever. She’s not mine, my son isn’t mine, my house isn’t mine. I’ll sell or die and someone else moves in, and down the line it goes. The only thing that is mine is deliberate choice and the more of those I have the more valuable I am. I know it never ends and I have to keep going. I realize these improvements I have made are just basic shit. I've gone from shitty to average but the subtle shift in framework has got me results nonetheless. Many thank you’s to the guys sharing their notes, specifically HOA’s Depressed and anxious wives series. Rian Stone has come out with awesome breakdowns of J10’s Drunk Captain posts over the last 6 months that have really helped me internalize the mentalities and tools. This is just a long field report from a retard that realized those posts were about me more or less. Maybe this resonates with some and is valuable and/or you can tell me how I’m full of shit. Either way, I win.",,241,AlphaWolfLion69420,2022-02-17 22:31:36 marriedredpill,st3jet,First you have to care to then stop caring,"You think you have to do something, that’s your male instincts fucking you over. Our mind is wired to do and to try to “fix”. Wrong approach. It is not about “fixing” anything but yourself. You do not have to say “I love you” back because she said it first. You don’t need to gift her back in retribution to what she gave you. You don’t have to call her or “else she’ll forget me”. In fact, and this is the irony of life, doing these (and other) things will only work against you. The problem underlying is not solved only by this. If this still happens to you, it means that the validation-seeking mindset, the “if I do x, she’ll do y” mentality is not gone. And I understand that. Evolution has programmed us to think in this way. But in the contemporary context, this shit will backfire, and you know it either by personal experience or by observing others, or maybe by both. Do not EVER feel pushed to do something you do not want to. This is fucked to cultivate. It is fighting against our hard-wiring. But it is possible, with time, patience, and repeated action and reflection. That is something I still struggle with, being truly your own mental point of origin. Doing things for yourself (in the beginning to a narcissistic point). In other words, cultivating a sense of “healthy narcisism” or “rational egoism”. There are ways to do so. One of the best is to observe how women do this by default. They only see themselves in the picture and what they gain by an interaction, and so should you, at least if you want to achieve your goals and fulfill your human experience. Look at the selfish things they do, look at how they always try to get the upper hand when they can - it is actually amusing. Another helpful way is to realize that, if you do not make your own vision and goals the main (and maybe the only) target of your focus and attention, nobody else will. And you will live a life of others, not yours. You will be pushed around by life and by everybody. Yes, this may lead to your relationship breaking down. But is your goal to have a lasting relationship or one that fits your needs? Is your goal to be in company, even if that means compromising your true “mission” in life? Man, fuck. This shit is fucking hard, I know. But its the most important battle you have to fight. All game tools are, in their deepest core, tools of self-realization. And self-realization can only happen when based on a sense of self, and a priority to that self. So, do the work. Reach the point in which you stop caring about the effects of your actions on the girls you’re with. Amazingly, it is EXACTLY when you reach that point that you will be the most attractive, since you signal (in thousands of “micro” ways) that you are more than willing to walk away if your needs aren’t being met. In other words, you first have to care to come here in the first place, and then you can stop caring; and, when you do, the results will come; but it won’t be a covert contract, since it really won’t be about the results anymore. It will be about yourself. This is a fine distinction, and indeed one difficult to master. But head down, persistence, focus and, most importantly, time will get you there. I write this to you but also to myself.",,61,thekingwithin2001,2022-02-15 13:58:13 marriedredpill,ssy92c,"Own Your Shit Weekly - February 15, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,24,AutoModerator,2022-02-15 08:30:10 marriedredpill,srcee4,"Chris Voss's ""Tactical Empathy"" (A Non-Autistic Way to STFU... or Antithetical to MRP?)","Hostage negotiator Chris Voss began his training as a crisis counselor (taking calls from people who can't stop using drugs, cutting themselves, thinking about killing themselves, etc.)  Voss describes his early days on this job where he would try to *give callers advice* or *challenge their worldview*. (We know how well this approach works with our wives if we lack frame) Voss talks about changing his approach to try to make the callers *feel heard* and he describes some very simple tactics for achieving this. **Mirroring** \- literally saying the last few words a person said straight back to them, but in the form of a question (encouraging them to expand or clarify...or perhaps realize how stupid they sound)  **Paraphrasing** \- ""So, you're saying that \_\_\_\_\_\_\_ "" **Labeling emotions** \- You can do this by saying ""it sounds/seems like you feel \_\_\_\_\_\_""  Voss talks about getting the other person in the conversation to say ""that's right"" rather than ""you're right"".  Since we know our wives don't want anything to do with *logic*, and thus it really doesn't matter who's *right*, it seems like Voss's ""Tactical Empathy"" might be a nice defensive technique (similar to STFU)  He's got a lot of examples of how well even quite obvious uses of this technique will work on otherwise intelligent people.  That's my question: Can mirroring, paraphrasing, and labeling (or ***tactical empathy*** as a whole) make a good addition to the MRP argumentative toolkit of STFU, AA, AM, Fogging, Broken Record, etc or is there something about this style that would undermine the Frame these less touchy-feely tactics help us build?  ",,6,SwordHolder69,2022-02-13 06:45:56 marriedredpill,snfbpo,"Own Your Shit Weekly - February 08, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,20,AutoModerator,2022-02-08 08:30:15 marriedredpill,sjqcht,FR: 50 OYS's,"36, 5’9” 162lbs, 12%bf, B: 185x5, SQ: 220x5, DL: 305x5 I want to point out to the fat, spineless, piece of shit lurkers. Do yourself a favor, stop procrastinating your participation in OYS. Do your best to follow the rules and be transparent about what you’re doing and what you’re struggling with. I stumbled into my first MRP post around the end of Nov 2020. It was about this guy Barracuda volunteering to give back to his community and then fucking a girl he met at the soup kitchen. Thought at that time, it wasn’t for me ([but I was wrong, that guy’s posts are good](https://www.reddit.com/user/BarracudaRP/posts/). I've yet to find an approved guy on here without a real gem in their posting history.) I was googling again in the end of December and read an OYS thread for the first time. I came across Goodlookinman’s before and after pics and realized, okay, I probably shouldn’t write this place off. I think I read [**Steel’s guide**](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/acvzgx/steels_guide_to_married_red_pill/) next, saw gargantuan B’s old before and afters, listened to a [weakandsensative youtube](https://www.youtube.com/c/WhineMorePlease/videos) and saw the light. (btw, this place needs more pictures because I guarantee the majority of MRP readers do not understand how dramatically you can change your physical looks; here’s me from a couple years ago, [fat, hairy, belly full of donuts](https://imgur.com/), here’s a [shirtless one](https://imgur.com/) from around that same time. This is me [after losing \~50lbs](https://imgur.com/) on my wife’s peloton, pre MRP, no lifting, feeling skinny and hawt for the first time since I was in college. I seriously ""felt"" skinny at the time. [This is me right now](https://imgur.com/), best shape of my life and lots of gains yet to be realized) I posted once in January and once in February. I thought I’d only need one post a month because my case was not as bad as most guys’. Let me tell you about that definition of ‘not that bad’. *I was a 35 year old millionaire, new skinny dad-bod, very smart and talented at lots of things. I realized at that time that my wife wasn’t that horny for all of this. I would ask her for 10 second kisses and she would usually schedule it for later in the day. If all of her stress was alleviated and “we” were on top of our* [chore chart](https://imgur.com/MlWdA7G)*, I could catch her without an excuse to not cuddle a little in bed. My spreadsheet, which I had started 6 months prior to MRP showed I was having sex \~ 0.9x/week, often 1, sometimes 0, sometimes 2!!* *I was absolutely the example Rollo discusses of “I’m so lucky she lets me watch hockey in the guest room”. My version of hockey was that I got to go hunting or fishing 1 day a month, but not every month. I could participate in social stuff outside of normal business hours ‘if’ it was work related. I would usually get to cuddle a little if I watched tv with her in the evenings.* *Porn and masturbation every single day.* *I would fast and count calories all week long so that by the time the weekend came around, I could stay up and binge drink beers watching a movie I liked after she went to bed.* Whew…..ok. I went through a predictable path of OYS. If you look at askMRP you will see over and over again guys like business travel just say “lift, sidebar & STFU” and it sounds like they’re responding lazily and simplifying this too much but they’re not. It really is that simple. Here’s the major behaviors I adopted last year. \- I bought my barbell and plates in February of last year. I’m not sure if it this is exactly how body composition works, but I reduced my bodyfat by 14% between those last 2 pictures (\~24lbs) and only lost 11lbs on the scale, so maybe I gained \~13lbs of muscle? Your physical appearance matters. The difference this has made in my life is **ENORMOUS**. I’ll also note that if you’ve always been fat (or if you’ve always been skinny) you absolutely DO NOT realize how differently all people, especially girls, will treat you when you’re no longer fat. It fucking floors me all the time. \- I cut so much drinking out of my life. I didn’t have big problems or ruin relationships with drinking, but looking back, a lot of my life and my schedule was built around figuring out how to fit in binge drinking several times a week. I still drink, and sometimes I drink a lot, but I used to never consider going through a weekend without it. \- I stopped porn and masturbation. Well, not completely. I like cumming on her. And I like filming it. \- I learned to stop DEERing. This was such a big fucking leap when I first got here. I used to not comprehend how I was supposed to suck in oxygen without exhaling defensive explanations and rationalizations for everything about myself. I cannot tell you how freeing it is once you start to embrace the assertive bill of rights from WISNIFG. \- I came a long way with STFU. I no longer dump problems, worries, insecurities and complaints onto other people (except for you guys). As I’ve developed a better understanding of myself, my circumstances and all the various feelings that hover around me, I’ve become better able to navigate my days without any input or feedback from anybody else. I know what eating a salad does, I know what eating a donut does and virtually every activity or behavior in my life is a salad or donut. I am my own ‘go to’ person for the best advice, compassion, motivation and love I can get. “Where am I? How do I know it? What should I do?” \- I spend a lot less time ‘living in’ and hamstring about the past and I reset frequently. \- I have more personal freedom than I ever thought was possible. I can watch hockey on any tv in the house now. I can actually “do” anything I want from the moment I open my eyes in the morning to the moment I go to sleep. The only lingering impediment to this is that I have kids and I “would” feel guilty if they didn’t eat or have childcare. When needed, they’re taken care of with my list of hot, fun, babysitters, including their mother. \- As of now, I think of myself as being the absolute FUCKING DADDY of my household. I have three little girls under my roof; a girly little 2 year old, a brilliantly autistic 7 year old, and a horny 33 year old teenager. I don’t burden any of these girls with my shit, making them buy into my decisions or share in the responsibility of my mistakes, I don’t offload insecurities or complain that I’m not getting enough of whatever the fuck I might be feeling needy about. I give to them generously, up to and until that giving starts to bump into my boundaries or mission. I give them those daddy cuddles and I listen to them emote about their feelz, dreams, and interests without judgement. I take in feedback all the time to consider what these girls might want or benefit from. Often, all they need is the confidence that comes from DIY. \- To do this, I’ve had to become and truly start believing that I AM THE PRIZE. This all had to come after the hard, but opportunistically significant realization that [I am alone.](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/nf58cf/own_your_shit_weekly_may_18_2021/gypfh6m/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) There's no one else. There's no mommy and there can be no other daddy. Coming to terms with this helped me figure out that I have to be my own prize, giving abundantly to myself FIRST. If you’re doing that and it really is without neediness and covert contracts stuck to it, your life is going to change, you’re going to be more competent, confident, free and happy. And all of the little girls in your life are going to flock to you to get a taste of it. \- It’s also worth noting that this has been so much fucking fun! Every single week another dose of doubt, curiosity, & play! Fucking more one week than you ever thought was possible and then navigating a handful of butthurty rejections in the span of 12 hours and coming here to get your feelings hurt even more after complaining about it. Thinking you’re going to have a main event every 2 weeks until you actually learn to STFU. HOA fucking and shooting ropes onto everyone’s wives vicariously through internet [cheat codes](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/pymw1k/hornsofapathys_mrp_cheat_codes_to_blow_up_your/) every week. Observing all the men and women in your real life interacting with each other. Reading askMRP stories or the OYS 1-10’s and seeing yourself in their hilarious “WTF? I’m the breadwinner?!!” confusion. This is all so much fun. If I could go back to the beginning and give myself advice it would be to lift harder, control what goes in and comes out of my mouth better and read WISNIG and NMMG 10x each before starting any other reading. This holy trinity of lift, sidebar, control that fucking mouth, summarizes my plan for this year too. One of the things that’s funny is that when I first arrived here, pretty much everything on the list above seemed like it was some unbelievable mountain to climb. But as these things have started to become a fundamental part of how I live, their significance or status as accomplishment is fading fast. I have so much left to do. I’m **overwhelmed** with options of what to tackle or prioritize next. It’s invigorating to think about what might be possible in the coming year, decade and whatever else I get. My want to read, want to try, need to do lists are all way fucking longer than they were when I first got here, and I can’t wait. Thank you all.",,121,ragnar_Daneskjold,2022-02-03 18:25:17 marriedredpill,sid2ic,Be less shit,"The way you guys are writing about your sex life with your wives is turning to shit again. There are a number users approaching their sex life as if they are victims. Here's a handful of examples from this week. /u/theCrimisomLine >3 initiate and got 3 rejections. I did notice that the rejects are have moved from what I would call disgust, to ""A. You have been too mean to me and dont deserve it"" or ""B. Its always about sex for you"". My answer for B, is always ""Yes, absolutely"" my answer for A is STFU, I just don't know what to say really. /u/JoeJericho >Shark week for half the week, so no initiations most of the week… until last night. I initiated, got a no, and then made the stupid mistake of asking “then when are we going to have sex?” This let to a downward spiral of me running my mouth saying crap about how I want sex, that I didn’t sign up for this, and other DLV. I also said “it seems our intimate life has come to an end” and received a response of “what are you trying to say?” I guess I was implying I want a divorce but didn’t have the balls to actually say it. /u/_the_improving_man >Last weekend, in the bathroom after she got out of the shower, she is naked, I am dressed. I thought I was escalating by placing her hand on my erection through my pants. Her response ”.. it just makes me feel tired, as another job I have to do”. /u/rather_empty >It's shark week, but two days ago after we'd had a few glasses of wine I went to get a shower then came back to the lounge, picked my wife up, sat her on my lap and told her I wanted a blowjob. This provoked a thunderstorm in which I was told she wasn't my whore, and I should go get a girlfriend for that. >I think some doubt or hesitancy had crept in - I certainly didn't feel confident in the moment. I left her to stew and went to bed. Frankly, I struggle initiating with total commitment, as I saw The_Red_Letters recently phrased it. The wife decamped to the guest room and moved all her stuff there. Still, I'm glad I initiated - I've never received a blowjob while she's on her period, but I'm going to make it clear through initiating that I've got needs. /u/LiftDriveRock >My wife still won’t fuck me. Last time I had sex was in early August last year. Sunday was funny in this respect, because it was so transparent. She sensed an initiation about to come and decided to thwart it by picking a fight about something that had absolutely no base in reality. The second she got started, I knew exactly what she was doing. I could see it in slow motion. So again, no sex this week. In every example you write as if your wife is the gatekeeper for sex. She is the gatekeeper for sex with her. Only her. And in every case, your the poor victim who is being treated unfairly by your wife. You've made the choice that your wife is the only person you're going to have sex with. You have to deal with the consequences of that choice. You don't get to come on here week after week and complain about that choice. You made the decision, you have to own it. Most of you are doing 'self improvement' with the intent of increasing the chance your wife will want to have sex with you. It has been made clear that MRP is not about your wife. That is why we have Rule 9. And this bullshit process that you're attempting will not work. [There's a reason it's been given it a name.](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/74yepr/the_dancing_monkey_attraction_improvement/) Your wife is free to choose to do whatever the hell she wants. You don't get to decide what she does. You do get to decide what you do, and its the only thing you have control of. There's a term to describe doing things in the hope that someone will respond in the way you want. Might be in the first book of the sidebar, who knows. Now, reading and adopting the tools of MRP may lead to you becoming attractive enough that someone else might have sex with you. That's a choice you get to make, and you get to own that choice as well. To be fair though, that probably wont be the case for most of you, as the shitty, scarcity mindset you adopt will be inherently unattractive. I am not breaking any new ground here. [It's been said more eloquently before](https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/df0oxb/oys_posts_are_for_you_to_own_your_shit_not_to/), but you guys don't seem to be able to grasp it. And as outlined by WNS in that post, and highlighted here just so it's crystal clear: **Again, just so we're very clear, MRP is not a program that will get your wife to fuck you. And this is especially true when you continue to have a shitty mindset.** Do better.",,95,threekindsoflucky,2022-02-02 02:34:24 marriedredpill,shzrka,Praise and Compliments should be worthless to you,"A few years ago I wrote a post on [The Epic Test](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/f70l7g/your_womans_most_wonderful_gift_the_epic_test/), and in that post I pointed out: >*For those struggling with validation… Not a single time did I get encouragement from her. Not a single bit of praise. Not a mention of anything that would resemble a wife who is proud of or to be with her husband. Not a single comment on my physique, style, new haircut, sexual position, or attitude. Nothing.* > >*And I still haven’t heard her say a nice thing once about any of my changes.* Well guys, I'm back to report on this a few years later. Notably, I've spent the last few weeks being observant and calibrating whether I just don't notice the compliments or praise - or whether they do not exist at all. I'm here to tell you all that when you reach what YOU believe to be high value - where your woman is absolutely sure of your value through sustained shit testing over time and sustained improvement within your life, and more importantly YOU believe this as well - and you both know that you've outpaced your woman to a point where you'll never be ""caught"".... For the longest time I thought this was some kind of marathon shit test where she wouldn't *dare* recognize the obvious gap that's developed, for fear of exposing her ego. That's just not true. But the truth is that it isn't a shit test. It's just how a lot of women operate. For some of us, you will never get a compliment or realize they exist. You don't need them. You know. And if you don't? Well, I guess this is a valuable test for you afterall until you *do* know. From u/Ragnar_Daneskjold: >... just fucking BELIEVE that she does. And realize she might never say it. My wife gives me affirming words and expressions of I want you and I miss you all the time. Horns has said on multiple occasions that he go this 0 times and maybe doesn't even get it still. Your wife might never verbally admit that she misses you and she might never admit that she likes filling her mouth with your cock. For the first time in a while I heard ""I miss you"" and ""I need you"" the other day, which prompted me to finally write this post. But this is rare for me to hear outright, and it's only because my wife is out of town dealing with some shit. Rather most of the time the compliments turn into a some solipsistic inquiry, a passive-dread induced baby shit-test in the form of ""*oh, where are you planning on going today?*"" when she notices me looking good. Not a mention of ""I like that shirt"" or ""You smell good"". None. Meanwhile after I exit the house I receive compliments from random strangers or friends about particulars. But my woman? Never. Why? Because I don't need it. Because [I know.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdlRmWd_R7A) It's wasted energy for a woman to compliment a man who already knows whatever praising womanese that's about to exit her mouth is... frankly, worthless to him. He is his own judge, and so anything she could say is worthless. He should already know. I mean seriously guys, if you're expecting your woman to dote, compliment, praise and shower you with ego-boosting language... if you're already a highly valuable dude.... it should mean nothing to you. Is it nice? Sure. But does it add value? No. You know what does add value though? Action. So while you may be missing those lovely words of affirmation from mommy, what you'll get instead is a woman who adds value in a way that she knows how to... with a sloppy blowjob, dripping pussy, and come fuck me eyes. Next time, watch what she does - not what she says - and I guarantee you that if you're hanging onto the thought and desire for her to shower you with words of affirmation - well dude, if you *need* that, it's going to be come at the cost of a warm, wet dripping pussy. So sack up and realize that even if you do hear praise from her, it's worthless. A man is his only judge, and his own mental point of origin. Either you get it, or you don't.",,83,HornsOfApathy,2022-02-01 17:01:02 marriedredpill,shq3ow,"Own Your Shit Weekly - February 01, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,13,AutoModerator,2022-02-01 08:30:18 marriedredpill,shbq81,Triple Beta,"Its Valentines Day Mother-nonfuckers. It is that time of year for more socially mandated behavior on what it is to be a man. Daddy Red is here to remind you what the rules are. So just like you got your 1st, 2nd and 3rd shots like a good beta, time to get out there and get your harpy wife her chocolate, flowers and AA batteries for when you can't finish her off - which is all the fucking time. Lucky for you the Super Bowl is the day before, so its going to be extra special for you. After she lets you have your guy time, hang out in your man cave and curse on your team that didn't make it (Fuck you Chiefs!) you get to treat her to an evening of extra special covert contracts. You ready to eat some nasty Chad filled vagina soup leftover from the game? While you are watching the game and doing keg stands in your $120 Authentic NFL Jersey, Chad is fucking [two women](https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/8hobll/fr_one_party_two_women/) in your house, one of them being your wife. Oh but Daddy Red, I have a plan. I am going to combine Valentines Day and the Super Bowl into one major event! That's a great idea, I bet she will never think to milk your shit out for an additional day, especially since she is being NICE and letting you have time Sunday to do manly shit. Bet you plan on being the AMOG and running to 24 hour fitness, getting a sick swole pump and downing a blender bottle of Creatine right before kickoff. You have to look swole bro in that 2XLT jersey you have. GTFO and STFU. Stop being a teapot, sack up and plan your strategy for 2023. I am not going to give you a fucking field guide on what to do for your harpy on this special day this year. Just know a congruent man acts in the way he sees fit. If you want to get her chocolates, flower and AA batteries, then fine. Make sure they are lithium. Know what the fuck you are doing. If you want to get her Skittles, get them. Original only. Your Valentines Day present for 2022 was decided last year. At this stage, you can only enter the game with the team you have. Dont try to be a skittles man, when you are a triple beta bitch. Better watch out though, the GOAT is retiring and Mahomes is still learning. There is always next year.",,0,red-sfpplus,2022-01-31 20:47:17 marriedredpill,sc8z5n,"Own Your Shit Weekly - January 25, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,32,AutoModerator,2022-01-25 08:30:18 marriedredpill,s8mpb1,Lessons Learned from walking through Hell,"Hello brothers, I’m not sure any of you may remember me or my story. It’s been almost two years since sharing or posting. I was the guy who’s shit show of a marriage came to an end when my special needs son died. He spiked a fever of 109 degrees and cooked his brain. We took him off life support, all while my wife was too busy being a whore and fucking around during this time. It was the worst time of my life, but thanks to a lot of what I’ve learned here I’ve emerged from the fires of hell more refined. I want to give back and share some of the foundational learnings and lessons I’ve had along the way. **No one cares** Let’s start here. This was the harshest of realities given the situation. None of my friends checked in on me, my job didn’t give a fuck, even family bailed on me. For example, my mother told me taking my son off life support was “euthanasia”. This was a wild lesson for me to learn, because I assure you it cut deep. In general people care more about their lunch than anything that might resemble a struggle in your life. The lesson here, is there is a why behind STFU. You STFU because nobody cares, and because no one cares complaining it pointless. **The Volume is turned Down** After burying my son, it felt like the volume was turned down in life. People would complain about things, and I would always think to myself “These people have no fucking clue what problems are”. They have no clue of the value of their own time, time with children or relationships, and are honestly just pretending to be socialites. The world is filled with so much pointless audio clutter you often get lost in it, and forget to ground yourself and focus on what’s real and present. The lesson here, the world is loud. Ignore it and focus on what’s important to you. The rest will be there… making that same fucking noise. **Blue-Pill Habits** This is honestly what hurt me the worst. Prior to my son dying I was literally on my ascension to God-hood. My money was getting right, I took care of my son better than the doctors, I fucked my whore of a wife, I fucked other women, I was getting more ripped by the day, and I was a fucking ROCK in my mentality. However, burying my son nuked everything. I lost my identity, my mission, my purpose, my health (Lost 40lbs in less than a year), became depressed, and basically picked up every shit coping method I’d ever learned in my life. All of this was nothing more than a cycle of depression feeding itself. The lesson here, you know what habits are detrimental to yourself. Identify them and FUCKING STOP IT. **Women** Now, I won’t lie to you guys. Given my circumstances, if I decided to share with a woman about what happened it was cat-nip. Women assume they can fix you (if you’re attractive). I fell into a relationship with one of the women I was fucking prior to the divorce. She was one of the few in my life that showed me kindness and empathy through the storm. However, the truth is she wanted to change me. Change me into someone I’m not. Shame me into doing handyman stuff at a house I don’t even live. To guilt me for not committing as much as I had in the past to other women. Name calling to tear down self-esteem to ensure they keep you in your lane. She tried to play the long game here, but unfortunately, I saw the writing on the wall. The lesson here, is AWALT. They will be solipsistic even at most down and out. If they see a chance to scoop up a “good dude” they will literally do anything to make it happen. **Spinning Plates** Easiest thing to do when you realize the basics and don’t over think shit. These women today are more thirsty than you are. I literally fucked a “lesbian” in the ass because she was having problems with her girlfriend. Shit has never been this easy. They say fly shit, thinking their slick waiting… LITERALLY WAITING for your to check their ass. Frame is everything, check their ass and then destroy her ass. Lesson here, be attractive and don’t give a fuck. **Gym** This is the most important part of everything involving TRP/MRP. The iron temple, the place you get to praise yourself with the blood and tears. To grow physically, as well as mentally. Working out sucks, it’s hard. A lot of the stuff is heavy, and it takes a lot of effort to pick those stupid things up only to set it back down. However, the benefits are so stupid there’s no argument to be made. Mental health is associated with physical health, as above so below. It helps with hormones, confidence, mental health, and literally makes you sexier and stronger. Most men don’t work out, and if they do, they’re fucking around in there playing with their dicks or something. I’ve had more woman check me out, compliment me, beg to fuck me, and do dirty things all because I have the discipline to go to the gym. The lesson here, just go to the god damn gym and stop fucking around. This is the first building block to being a stronger version of yourself. This isn’t anything amazing, but this is just some of the lessons I learned from trying to escape my personal hell. I hope some of you find this useful, probably not. I hope you men are out here protecting your peace and mental health. Strange times we’re in, enjoy the decline.",,235,[deleted],2022-01-20 16:22:46 marriedredpill,s8kbxt,"Keep it simple, stupid","Red Pill is a praxeology. Systems of practice. In other words auto mechanics, not ideology. I've yet to see a guy find this place who didn't find it for one of two reasons: 1. My wife got fat, won't fuck, or wants to leave me 2. My life is miserable and I'm at my witts end. There is almost ten years of 'how I stopped being celibate and learned to fuck"" posts. Answers from: 1. I stopped being a fat lazy fuck and my wife blows me all the time 2. My wife is still a frigid bitch so I ditched her and got a younger model 3. My wife fucks fine, but I fuck 3 other girls too 4. I've accepted she's never gonna fuck like I want and decided to stick it out until the kids graduate It's not zen metaphysics. It's not ideological purity. It's not morality, ethics, squaring the round peg of your church doctrine to the round wet hole. It's just problem/solution/replication. read what guys tried, try it yourself, repeat it if it works and stop doing it if it doesn't work. The only difficult part for guys is figuring out what 'working' means. Thats why this place has always been amoral. TheultmateCad wants to fuck the neighborhood and come home to his wife? sweet. I'll learn a lot about what a one sided open marriage is like. I'll learn what chicks cheating on their husbands do. I'll learn how the lifestyle pans out over the long term. I don't care if he's a piece of shit or a complete chad, I'm focused on whats in his material thats for me. FireTempered saw himself 20 years earlier in Cads stuff, and threw in some pointers on a wife spending you out of house and home, and what challenges happen to chad in his 60s. The_Litz wants to spend years coming to terms with the success and failure of his life, slowly build himself into a man he can be proud of and accepting that it took years to be a piece of shit and it will take years to stop being one. I'll learn what the way ahead for me would be if I try to 'fix my marriage'. i'll learn how self reflection is important, but actions are more important, and change is uncomfortable. I'm focused on what's in his material that's for me. There's a ton of dudes who are 'doing it for the kids' who are showing where that road goes that added to his stuff Don't make this harder than it needs to be.",,93,RStonePT,2022-01-20 14:33:18 marriedredpill,s6spwk,"Own Your Shit Weekly - January 18, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,22,AutoModerator,2022-01-18 08:30:11 marriedredpill,s1dli8,Put Your Ego in the Box,"I'd like to take a moment today and write a post about an idea that's been wandering about my head in many forms for years. I've inadvertently used the idea when talking with friends about things. And conceptually used it myself when trying to understand something new. I recently read about a form of it in a book on Zen. Consider it a look into how best to learn new models. &nbsp; **Can You Purely Listen...** In normal conversation, or on this sub in a normal exchange, what happens usually is one person will speak from a position within their frame, based on their models. Person 2 will hear what was said, immediate attempt to decode and ""fit"" the thought into their own set of models, and then, thinking they understood it, respond with how that does or does not fit with their own line of thinking. &nbsp; Consider the riddle ""What happens when an unstoppable force meets an unmoveable object?"" The unstoppable force is an idea spoken. The unmoveable object is the receiving frame. It has the same feel as two cinderblocks colliding. Maybe somewhere within their structure micro-cracks form from the collision. But ultimately they remain their same solid self. There is no change imparted. And that's not to say it's completely wrong to react with your model immediately. But in doing so, you're coming at the discussion from the standpoint of ""my model is adequate to the task"". And in a place where we're often working on moving forward and growing, depending on who you're talking to, you have to ask...*is it*??? &nbsp; **Segway:** I want to segway real quick because it seems like a lot of you noobs in here need it. We've had a lot of guys lately have egoic reactions to criticisms from the mods and MRP approved. You can skip to the bolded **End Segway** unless some piece of your ego has ever felt ""Why do the mods here have such big egos?"" in which case, i'd read it. &nbsp; See in every interaction you have with someone, someone engages as the student, and someone engages as the teacher. And the teacher usually walks away from the interaction with a better, more solidified overview of what they *already* know. And the student usually walks away with lingering doubt of what they know but useful hooks of how to *build* off that. The thing is, most people would rather feel better and more solidified, than have lingering doubt. So they approach interactions and instead of saying what they have to say and then opening their mind to a response, they simply listen to what is said back in an effort to figure out how they're going to link what is said back to something else they can say. There's a concept in social dynamics called active listening that's a very similar solution to this. Again this all has a lot to do with the ability to stoic-ly set aside ego. And the rejection of doing that is a way to protect the need to set aside your ego. Part of what a mentor/teacher needs to do in order to establish a relationship to which they can teach and you can learn is to adopt a ""way in"" to your head. Every single guy who's earned MRP Approved flair on this forum has done so from creating a perspective from which they can actively understand an angle that you can possibly engage your problems from. And each of us are staring you down every week under a microscope watching what you're doing, because it allows us to read you like a book. I'm literally sitting behind my keyboard watching you navigate the model in your head. Horns is watching you feel through us and everyone in your life. 3KL is watching if your thoughts are directed at you or at outside forces. Barracuda is watching to see what game you're playing. Whinemoreplease, when he was here, was watching whether or not you approached life with integrity or self pity. Easydays is watching where you put your attention. ReddJive is assessing whether you approach life with strength and will. Redsfplus is watching to see if you're a little bitch. Stone is watching to see what you really want and if you're betraying that. And on and on. In order for any connection to be made though, there needs to be a receptive mind on your side within the mental realm that we attack it from. And that means clearing out the landing pad in that area of your mind, clearing your own thoughts out of it, to be ready to receive. &nbsp; How we know whether or not you've cleared out a spot or if thoughts are parked in that spot in your brain is how you respond to an approach. Did our approach send you into an emotional frenzy? Make you answer curtly? Did you completely ignore what we said and continue on with you own idea? Did you covertly go ""that's nice...anyway"" and start telling us what you think? Or instead did you go ""Hmm, that's something to think about."" Did you ask a question to further consider what we said? Did you ground it in your own experience? Did it click something in you? Did you have an ah-ha moment and now you're elated? And I know what you're thinking. Because once in awhile someone flies into a tantrum and asks shit like ""Why are the mods so full of ego and want everyone to bow down before them?"" The answer is we arent. *The question itself belies the ego of the asker.* There's a difference between being a position where a student has to set aside their ego to receive value, and a bully using the circumstance to *increase* his ego without giving value. A teacher needs to ask their student to move their ego out of the way to receive value. This *shift in the balance of egos* can **look like** a student having their ego stay the same while the teacher instead *increases* their ego. **But that view itself comes from the student's ego.** The notion is almost like asking ""How come the teacher in school gets to stand up at the blackboard and we gave to sit here listening to him?"" And I know what else you're thinking. ""But blarg, why is it that MY ego has to change?"" And I'd answer **""Because you're the one asking the question.""** If you ask the question, you're expected to move your ego to receive the answer. If you dont, you imply your model is up to the task (""I dont need the answer.""). And like I said before if you feel your model is up to the task, then you're not coming at the conversation as a student. And that's totally fine. But if that's the case, you cant then go and whine that you arent learning anything or that mods are being egoic. Because you're choosing the dynamic when you ask (teacher-student), and then trying to flip the dynamic when getting an answer (teacher-teacher). All the while trying to receive the value (as a student). And at the same time not letting it land (because you dont want to move your ego). I'm sure your brain just short circuited reading that because it really is that stupid. &nbsp; When I ask the question, I make it a point to set my ego aside. I know it's required as part of the dynamic. And yes, guys can come at a conversation as equals and still both walk away with knowledge gained. But it's because both of them are very good at switching their teacher hat for a student has dynamically within a conversation. &nbsp; ""But blarg, how come the advice has to be so pointy and rough?"" Because the endurance of a new idea in your existing model is directly proportional to the impact that idea has on you. And trauma is extremely impactful. The locker-room is simply a vehicle that works based on how you yourself have set yourself up to learn. If you learn when I call you a retarded fuck. Then I'm going to talk to you like you're a retarded fuck. &nbsp; One last question for me: ""But blarg...what if you're *wrong???*. And my answer is: I probably am. In some way of looking at the universe my mental model wont jive with someone else's'. But guess what? And this is going to sound full of ego but **I'd rather be wrong in the position I'm in, than wrong in the position *you're* in.** **End Segway** &nbsp; So this clash of minds with no real result is an extreme view of what happens when there's no give. I want to swing all the way to the other extreme. In the book The Heart of Zen, the author gives a koan. A koan is a riddle which a master gives his student. The purpose of the riddle is that in order to answer it correctly, the student often needs to go off and consider many often undefined or vaguely defined concepts in a way that will lead him to explore and develop entirely new mental models. The riddle is constructed in such a way that arriving at the answer tells the master that the student not only knows the answer, but also has a similar mental model from which the answer was generated. Which is ultimately the goal of teaching an idea. This koan in particular was: ""Can you purely listen without having an opinion?"" &nbsp; Upon reading this, immediately I thought I had an opinion on the answer (see? I do it too). But I decided to close the book and take a few weeks to think about the answer to that question. I mean...often students are sent away for years to think about the answer to koans. I could at least give it a few weeks. A lot of my thoughts on the issue revolved around deconstructing the actual question and twisting and turning it every which way in order to put it back together in a proper thought. For instance the words ""Can you""...does that mean ""Do I have the ability? The complete 100% ability? Is it something I control like an arm movement? Something I partially control like a thought? Something I dont control like your heartbeat?"" Or ""purely""...what is pure? Without intent to act? To conceptualize whatever I'm listening to in an exact duplicate of the thought?"" Things like that. &nbsp; My answer for the most part was ""No, you cant purely listen without having an opinion."" But then a thought came back to me. It was a kind of thought that enabled a more pure form of listening based on someone else openly and honestly coming to me in a way that asked me to set aside my judgment, and simply make space in my head to consider an idea. As if someone said ""Look I have something to tell you, and I know you're going to immediately start trying to interpret it or relate to it or twist it...but just listen for a moment"". This is also what I usually mean when I speak of open and honest communication to others. Saying it in a way that is devoid of the usual bullshit context of the game you're both playing and with intent to be considered pure. But also with the release of reaction to how someone else actually interprets it (Not getting butthurt if they receive it in a way that's still based on the game.) And in that way of speaking or receiving an idea, I saw with this kind of ""setting aside"" of myself that yes, I could purely listen...**as if merely trying to construct the idea they were trying to tell me as they saw it, rather than add my own flair or analyze it through my models.** &nbsp; The explanation the author gives to the koan is a bit of a disconnect from what one might think the author is trying to ask with the question. But the answer, the lesson remains gold. The answer he says is ""Yes, you can purely listen. (With the explanation of) if you think you cant (and he would ring a tuning fork and say) stop the sound of the tuning fork with your mind. If you cannot, then you are not under control of the listening."" What he's trying to say is that there is a part within you that receives the listening *before* the actual sound is attacked by the rest of your mind and transformed into something else. That piece of you is purely listening. But in order to realize it, to understand what it is, to see it, you have to understand that it requires you split and set aside all the you that happens after you hear the sound, and acknowledge the pureness that is you simply hearing it. Youre in control of the *interpretation* of the listening. But you arent in control of the listening. Keep this in mind. &nbsp; **Put Your Ego in the Box** Some vets may have already heard this story. I was sitting in a truck with one of my closest friends. We met that night to discuss the situation of our mutual closest friend who wasnt present. That mutual friend had a problem, and we both knew it. It was a very blue pill problem. And it was giving our friend a very rough life. So rough that we both knew that the threat of suicide wasnt an immediate threat, but the odds were going up. It was early in my RP days. And my friend noticed a change in confidence in me and my interactions with people. And he said ""I dont know where this change in you came from and I dont really want to know. But I think he may benefit from hearing something from you. Will you talk to him?"" &nbsp; And I looked at my friend and I said ""Look, I understand the risk we both see here. Our mutual friend is a very logical guy. But at the end of the day the door through which the lessons I learned is a door someone has to voluntarily walk through. Not one that you can be convinced through."" I said ""I've experienced this many times before, and if I simply go to him and start spewing knowledge here's what's going to happen: He's going to take everything he knows and he's going to put all that in a box. He's going to put that box on the shelf. He's going to listen to what I have to say, and then he's going to immediately go 'that's cool but' and take that box back down and replace all his old ways right back while spewing forth what his models of the world were instead."" I said ""I know the risk of suicide is non-zero...but he needs to come to me."" This is why overt red-knighting doesnt work (dont talk about fight club). &nbsp; I've had this idea of the box for a long time. And it connects to the idea I talked about above in that instead of simply stalwartly mashing your model against another person's model, sometimes we will attempt to *fool* ourselves into thinking we're actually considering someone else's model when in actuality what we've done instead is to take everything we know about us, all the connections between ideas in our heads, all our models of reality and how things work, our emotion, our feelings...our egos...and we'll put them all in this nice, roomy, velvet lined box that we metaphorically made for them. And we'll take that box and latch it closed and put it up on the metaphorical shelf while we listen to someone else. But we know we're not actually listening to them. We're simply allowing them to talk. And as they talk we keep eyeing up that box and itching to retrieve it because we know the second they stop talking, we're going to be able to rip that box open and attack their idea with everything our egos have built into so far. The thing is, we know we're doing this. We know it because when we rip our egos back out, they guilt trip us for putting them in there in the first place. But also acknowledge that there's something about what they've just told us that we've destroyed. We feel that loss. It's that weird feeling we get after the conversation like ""why do I feel like I heard them talk but didnt really internalize what they said. We ""made it"" through the conversation but it was hollow."" Side note for the story: Our mutual friend actually did come to me after a month. And we had a drink and he just purely *vented* at me the entire time, not really giving me space to talk or listening to the few things I said when I did. Because I wasnt giving him immediate solutions. I was giving him long-term suggestions of a more complex nature. Teacher, teacher vs teacher, student. One more story. &nbsp; **That's not me...but if it was...** I've said it a few times here and there in the past, but I really hate when people say the phrase ""That's not me."" Whether that's listening to a new type of music ""Oh no, I like punk rock. Rap? That's just not me."" Or doing some kind of activity ""I dont enjoy running. That's just not me."" Or even acknowledging a different point of view ""I'm not a dog person. That's just not me."" The reason I hate ""That's just not me"" is because if you're paying any attention to your life at all, you'll notice how damn often we find that we're always learning and experiencing something new, and 'who we are' is constantly changing. Everything that you've done in the past used to 'not be you'. And now it is. The question then comes ""well what happened in the process of it becoming you, that allowed it to fall into the category of 'You' and not 'Not You'? &nbsp; **""That's not me...but if it was, how would I need to be in order to be it?""** Once I found the power of this thought, it transformed my life. I could loosely define it as a sort of empathy for someone else, if that someone else was simply the You that you arent right now. It transformed my life because I could now uncover the doorways through which other people were entering into the realm of things that were not me, but they were making them, purposefully. I could then seek out that doorway instead of simply stumbling upon the doorway when life seemed to come together perfectly to show me where the doorway was. For instance, Rap music...I used to not be into that. I used to not be into it because I felt that all they talked about was ""bitches, the club, and money"". When I started working out I found a section of it where the artists talk about real fucking problems like what to do when you strive for something and it doesnt come to fruition. What to do when thoughts of self-harm enter your head. What to do when the world seems to shit all over you. These thoughts gave me that dig-deep, that strive-through-suffering feeling that seemed to accompany lifting so well that listening to it has become a permanent staple of my working out. The way in was to find out how it benefited me. This happened by chance. I stumbled into it. &nbsp; *Noticing* that I can stumble into it logically means that there are *other* things out there that arent me, that *are* future me, that I can adopt more quickly if I allow myself to search for them. It's an improvement within the search algorithm. Now when I listen to other music that doesnt seem to be me, I make use of the knowledge that there is a way in to make this music me. It just doesnt seem to fit with the me now. I think ""How would I need to be in order to be it?"". I think ""What about this do other people like? What about this could I like? Is it the beat? The bass? The melody? The words? The feelings? The personality of the person the lyrics are talking to? The social aspect?"" And that's not to say that you will always find a doorway through which you will choose to walk to make that music you. But the key is that *you will find the doorway*. Whether you walk through it is your choice. &nbsp; **How does this relate back to MRP** As I go through OYS and talk to guys through PM and on chat, and sometimes in real life, a common problem I see is that I'll run through an idea and I'll get damn deep in the weeds about what's going on and how we're acting. And when I do, they will immediately reply with how that idea relates to them and what they're thinking right now. It's almost a compulsive need. A drive to respond to that stimulus immediately. And the mind does a really funny thing when you do this. It thinks that *because* it responded to the idea, that the implications of the idea no longer hold weight. In a way it says ""Whew...we batted that idea away with our own set of models. Onto the next thought."" The problem with that is that the way we learn isnt by taking the models that we have and applying them to life. It's by taking the models we have, applying them to life, and then studying the disconnect between the two. And more important, *studying that disconnect over a period of time and allowing new ideas to form rather than trying to force those ideas through the existing models we have now* because *the existing models we have now are incomplete*. &nbsp; There's a necessary discomfort that one has to face wherein one really sits with ideas that they dont understand instead of immediately running them through the models we already have. You HAVE the power within you to purely listen to the input life and this place is giving you in your head before it gets processed through all the junk that sits on top that you (Story 1 above). That power comes from a separation between who you are and all the models you have right now, and the act of purely listening to that input. You promote that listening by taking your ego and putting it in that box on the shelf and then *letting it sit there for awhile* (Story 2 above). As you form the idea within the space in your mind unaffected by what's already there, you can start to see unique connections within it that you dont have in your model, and of which your model would have ripped apart or disregarded in it's own blindsight. From there then, you have the power to seek out the boundaries of this new model, and ask what would need to happen, who would you need to be in order to accept the new model in its whole within yourself (Story 3 above) &nbsp; Many guys on here have read what I've had to write in the past and responded with ""That's going to take some time to consider. I'll get back to you when i do."" And when they do...from what I've seen...those are the men that I later see actually internalizing the notes we're all passing around. Many guys on here have also looked at a post like this and thought ""Why the fuck are we deep diving into how the mind works? Just act!"" And the answer if you understood what I wrote above is that by sitting and watching what the mind does and then asking why it does it, you'll often find it does it because that's all it knows. And a lot of the time what it knows first and foremost is how to protect what it knows. But we dont learn from continually doing what we know. We learn from doing what we *dont* know. In the same sense, we dont learn by only thinking thoughts we know. We learn by considering thoughts we *dont* know. And those thoughts we dont know are ""How do I need to act, how do I need to think in order to more efficiently get to what I want?"" &nbsp; Efficiently: The thing to consider is that thoughts are often associated with inaction (the image of the thinking man comes to mind). And action often associated with putting aside thought (an image of a guy simply pushing aside his approach anxiety and walking up to that woman). But sometimes thinking can be useful to more purposefully guide action. When then do we know if what we need to do is act or think? **If you believe you need to be somewhere other than where you are right now, you need to act. If you instead feel you're in the right place but simply need a better frame to view it, you need to think.** &nbsp; Those two ideas are true and seem to be mutually exclusive *except* that often unwillingness to act is the *result* of having a mindset that is not driven to act. Changing the mindset allows action. Likewise unwillingness to think is often the *result* of refusing to consider what your actions are doing for you. Consideration of the action allows for introspection and revision. Notice I said **allows** action and **allows** introspection. **You still have to walk through the door**. Just like in my example above about finding new music...it doesnt mean I *will* walk through the door. It simply means I'll be able to more efficiently find it. How do we walk through the door? &nbsp; **Grounding** I've done some fucking deep diving into books and discussions with other approved members here and I hope they'll forgive me for putting all our ideas together...but the three ways it seems we use as catalysts to get ourselves to walk through doors is Doubt, Curiosity, and Play. &nbsp; Doubt - I've posted about this before in my post [Go out, test, and see who you are](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/hzghfh/go_out_test_and_see_who_you_are/). Doubting your current models tears down that belief that ""my model is up to the task."" It invites a way through lies you may be telling yourself. It invites you to be a student and to look for teachers and mentors. And I think the draw to this place, the locker-room feel and doubt both follow the path of trauma, which is the number one way in which we open ourselves to change. &nbsp; Curiosity - /u/easydayshardnights has commented on a lot of replies deep in OYSs about using curiosity to drive progress. In a way, curiosity is doubt stripped of ego. The ""woe is me"" is stripped away and we, almost from a logical standpoint, approach the world in such a way as to allow ourselves to re-learn it. It takes the form of a discovery of the new, and a reforming of the old. With new information, we ask ""If this is true, then..."" and predict new models. Then act to see if our predictions were right. &nbsp; Play - Is a concept /u/oobertas talked about in a conversation with easydays [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/rla5ak/own_your_shit_weekly_december_21_2021/hpk4v5c/). The point of play was to remove the dependence on the outcome in an effort to simply explore and take in whatever happens to be present. It's almost a step above curiosity because curiosity still looks to assess an outcome, while play can choose to, or not. Play is more engaging for the sake of engagement. &nbsp; I'd like to stop short of saying play is ""best"" and doubt is ""worst""...because that would be akin to saying ""achieving enlightenment means having no ego"". (For the noobs, the state of having no ego is different than when we say ""kill your ego"". What we're saying when we say ""kill your ego"" is ""kill your ego *as it is right now*""). I think all three are useful tools depending on where you are acting within your whole self. &nbsp; All three of these things though do something that allows you to solidify those new experiences in your head in a process I call grounding. Because simply thinking thoughts or doing actions isnt going to lead you to growth. You've got to be *watching* when you do them, and then grounding them, using the experiences as anchors within your mind to solidify the experience within you. When a guy gets advice to STFU, and then reports back later a story of his wife throwing him shit and him just walking away, and then her being sweet affectionate in an hour...that's grounding. It links the idea of STFU to ""that"". What's that? The whole experience. When he thinks ""shut the fuck up"" now he isnt thinking literally of the words. He's recalling that entire experience from the feelings, how to push through the need to speak, how to walk away, how he felt about that, and the result. All in the snap of a thought. And this is also why when guys come on here and we tell them to NGAF and they come back the very next post and say [""I DGAF now!""](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/qkzq1y/own_your_shit_weekly_november_02_2021/hj2uc0i/) it's infuriating because it's blatantly obvious there was no doubt, curiosity, play...there was no action, no thought, no grounding. It's merely parroting back what we said to do. It's hollow as fuck. And we see right through it. &nbsp; Now...if you're still with me. I'd invite you to take a moment, and broaden your thoughts again. Take a deep breath, let the world back in. Look around the room. Consider the breadth of information in your environment. And examine the *depth* of our thoughts right now. ""Depth""...what does that mean? They're all just thoughts arent they? What makes one thought ""deeper""? Its the fact that where we are right now is at a level that's so ""deep"" as to be unreachable during our normal everyday lives. Its unreachable because where we are right now is a thought that only makes sense when we take a strategic walk through all the layers of our models that build up to it. And the thought is so deep that the limits of our attention in our daily life isnt enough to allow us to keep all this in our heads at once. &nbsp; *If that is so* then in order to live by the deep thoughts we have right here, we need to figure out a way to summarize the entire sub-model in such a way as to capture the nuance of it all, so that we *can* reference it in daily life when the world demands our attention. And this is do-able. I do it all the time. And these summaries I can tell you are *much* more impactful than the summaries one might find at surface level MRP like ""acta non verba"". That does not mean acta non verba is false. Big emphasis on that. But it is vague and shallow. Why? Because the words it uses are words that invoke an idea of an easily followable dichotomy. Actions...not words. Do this. Not that. But I'm sure you've seen mentioned in here also a line like ""Let her give her gifts freely."" This is also a short slogan of words. But the words seem more amorphous. What gifts? Freely how? Give...somehow the thought seems incomplete. And that's because what the words are are not words themselves, but *pointers* to whole other sets of ideas. (If anyone is not familiar with computer coding, a pointer is a piece of data that stores an address to the actual data. It ""points"" to it.) The pointers point to these ideas we've spent the time to think out. But we'll find that we're able to operate off the pointers in real life in real time, rather than take the take to distill the information in 10,000 words like we are here. &nbsp; *Why* did it take 10,000 words to distill these ideas? Because words are shit at communicating ideas. Words are mere approximations of entire sub-models in your head...but because they are so low resolution, they not only cant precisely outline an idea, but they are very easily confused for another idea entirely. And this is the reason whenever I get into long, 3 hour conversations with people about these deep concepts, that we often resort to defining and being very specific about the words we choose to use. &nbsp; In the same way a picture is worth 1000 words, a thought is as well. So then, are we able to use thoughts to reference ideas and guide us where we want to go in real time too? Yes. And they are quite effective at it too. So much so that a lot of the time when I take the time to meditate and notice things like I talked about above, I will come to a thought. The thought will be composed of ideas and feelings. And I will be able to grab and lock down that feeling as if to say my path to a better future will happen if I ""head towards *that* in life...whatever *that* is."" And in going through life, I'll be able to quickly reference whether what I'm seeing in my behavior, attitude, demeanor...in all my non-verbal aspects, if those things align with that *that* that I'm heading toward. &nbsp; Quite often, when I'm chatting with easydays or Horns or ubermensch, what I doing is actually trying to convert that thought into words. And when I do, what happens is almost an ""ah-ha!"" feeling. A feeling that's odd because even though one part of me already knew and internalized the thought, it's as if another part just saw it for the first time. I could go deeper and explain why this is. But I wont for now. The point is: we can use both words and these ideas composed of thoughts and feelings to guide us, summarize for us, and reference for us. &nbsp; The other thing I'd like to mention is *If that is so* then I am here to tell you that this investment into thought, meditation, spirituality, the 'whatever-it-is' that you all know me for...that when you see me post you expect my post to have a flair of, that thing is what I've used over the last 2 years in order to **deepen** my ability to hold onto and attend to these deeper levels of thought in my daily life. I dont know how exactly doing what I do and thinking what I think allows for it...but it does. The only analogy I can think of is sometimes when I go down in my basement and pick up my drum sticks, and put on a song, I dont think about the song. The sticks just go where they need to go. And i will tell you at times I'm literally watching myself in awe that they are really playing this fucking song correctly. It's a...flow...in which the entirety of my effort is focused, without the actual intent of doing it. (I say flow and laugh because I know once again I've given a nod to easydays...because he's talked about this.) &nbsp; I say this because all this...whatever this is that we just did here...whatever journey we just went on with our thoughts...someone will actually believe is mental masturbation. And while I do believe mental masturbation exists...and the hallmark of it is thinking too much...I want you to consider: **Was this it?** And it's okay if your answer is yes. Because it is not wrong to be okay living a life by which the depths of your thoughts are shallower than this *and you are getting what you want.* (""My model is up to the task""). But if this journey through my words brought out a tiny thought within you that asks ""Holy shit...what was that? What did we just do here? Because I feel like it was important and I dont feel that feeling a lot. I feel like I will be able to use this somehow, even if I dont quite know how yet.""...if you felt that...then I would hardly call it masturbation. &nbsp; When we think of a guy who just ""gets it"", we see a guy who's acting. But more so, we see a guy who's action is on point. As if an entire being of a person is aligned in congruence behind it. As if everything he does seems to be backed by a mountain of depth as if it say that he's been through it all, he knows what he's doing with every fiber of his being. It's not a guy who [simply acts the right way, but has an entire model behind it, with each node grounded in experiences he's done.](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/rvpll4/own_your_shit_weekly_january_04_2022/hrpwxyz/) &nbsp; So what am I actually telling you to do here? Because it's not a checklist like the 12 steps of dread, or iron rules, or specific actions to take to achieve you goals. When I came out the other side of my MRP journey the first question i had, which I actually sought out the mods and called to ask was: ""What the hell was that? What did this place do to me?"" Not referencing the transformation from a beta to someone who uses MRP tools, but the **process** that it used to get me there. What was that? How can I harness it to move forward in the future? Not the tools. The tool *to make* the tools. &nbsp; That's what this post was all about. How to ground experience in actions catalyzed by doubt, curiosity, and play. With an emphasis on finding a path of efficiency using both the tools of action and feeling out the world. And allowing those thoughts and feelings and experiences to solidify and land in a place in your mind that's free from the models that you've already put together, that your ego furiously defends, so that they have a chance to take hold. Taoism often speaks of effortless action. See if you can crosscheck your life and assess whether when you do act, if your actions seem more like you trying to force something to happen using the strength biology has given men to push through adversity by default. Or if your actions seem to flow from a place of understanding and if those actions move easily to navigate the landscape of reality like a rudder through water.",,53,[deleted],2022-01-11 14:02:40 marriedredpill,s1889w,"Own Your Shit Weekly - January 11, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,20,AutoModerator,2022-01-11 08:30:21 marriedredpill,s16uyb,"60 DoD Booster '21: Week 8 - Social Life, and the End","Last week was your Social Life booster. Hopefully you all read some of the prior materials to understand where you should be on the basics. Your booster could of course been many different things, including building new networks, expanding existing networks, or even pruning existing networks. Remember that some connections can be a time sink and not worth your effort. How did you do? Have you given all your areas a ""shot in the arm?"" I will be tallying results some time this week and awarding flair. I offer a golf clap for all who participated.",,14,SorcererKing,2022-01-11 07:01:46 marriedredpill,s08cat,"New to this, instant positive reactions.","I just want to say that after reading NMMNG, the beginning of The Married Man Sex Life Primer, lots of stuff here, and starting an audio book on this, it’s been insane the complete 180 my wife has made. I never thought it would ever be like this with her. How do I maintain this? Does it fade? Doesn’t matter. I’m more comfortable in my own damn skin after starting this journey and I’m not stopping. Fuck this sub is awesome.",,19,Jack_Wraith,2022-01-10 02:15:50 marriedredpill,rvpll4,"Own Your Shit Weekly - January 04, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,19,AutoModerator,2022-01-04 08:30:15 marriedredpill,rsl5x5,recurring comfort test,"I have a recurring comfort test that I keep failing. married 6 years, together 11, 2 kids, 7 and 4 I own and run a gym for men. lifting stats are good, trust me. I have strength students and grappling students. I also contract to the military, running training for soldiers. My SMV is objectively 1 point higher than her, maybe 2. It could be higher if I had legit game. I know I need to create abundance, but this is kind of the source of the comfort test. hang on. She has read ""The Surrendered Wife"" and has RP awareness. I have full control of our finances, she even changed what bank account she gets paid into to mine. This all relatively recent (last 6 months) as I have been side barring. My red pill journey began with my strength and yoga mentor who gave me WOTSM (straight in the deep end) to read over a year ago. Read it like 5 times and only after finding RP, MRP and the other literature did it start to make more sense. Now the comfort tests: * ""why are you with me?"" (main one) * ""Am I just sex to you?"" * ""you can't actually tell me why you are still with me"" * ""I'm not fucking you anymore. go and find other bitches to fuck, I don't care"" and the like. She is definitely my little slut, 75% of the time. It's in her. DEVI works, and I know I have definitely got work to do to keep her comfortable and receptive. She is also very capable of being the sweet, feminine lovely energy that we all love. But if I fail or falter the slightest, holy fuck it goes to full cunt mode. As in no matter how I try to fix her feelz, she flat out holds frame and treats me like I just murdered her dog. If I try to get frame back by STFU, it can last weeks, and she generally comes back but with the ammo of ""you didn't even care enough about me to...why are you with me?"" There is some old trauma surrounding sex where ""I used to think that the only way I could get you to like me was through sex"" coz of pretty fucked previous relationship. I did not know this when we were dating or getting married. Not in detail anyway. Now I can see how that is emotionally painful for her, but how do I show her that that is in fact exactly how she gets me to like her, and that it is not a bad thing (BP/ASD) ? I think I'm DEERing too much in explaining how I chose her out of all the others blah blah. But there aren't any others...is this a matter of learning game",,33,Zealousideal-Cut6282,2021-12-31 04:17:00 marriedredpill,rs3spn,60 DoD Booster '21: Week 5 Game & Week 6 Finance,"IMMEDIATE EDIT: I think maybe I'm off a week. This should be about Week 6 Finance and Week 7 Career. Welcome back. For those of you keeping score at home, Cerveza sickness is lame. Not the worst I've ever had, but certainly has its charms. Hopefully while I was recovering the rest of you carried on. Last week was Finance while this week is Career. Finance can be fairly robotic. If you are oblivious to terms like *death of the dollar*, *fiat currency*, *negative real interest rates*, *counterparty risk*, *bail-ins*, and so much more, seek to fix that immediately. A storm is coming, and you don't want to lose all you've worked so hard for. There are many blue-pill normie investment ideas, all about being a bag-holder for the stock and bond markets. Yes, the Fed Put has been running strong since March 2020, but with inflation the way it is something has to give. Career takes on a special new importance now. If a Great Depression scenario is coming, the time may be now to understand your core skills and develop new ones. Big Corporate will survive as appendages of the Gubermint, but is that what you want the rest of your life to be? Before long big corporate will chip your arm for security and vax control. You'll have your pod (cube) and your role, and a nice little boot-licking station for your boss. Is that the best you've got? Take time to imagine what you would do if you lived in the Old West, or Mad Max, or The Expanse. A final word on the role of these posts. They are an attempt to stimulate you to *think* about the topic area, but I or someone else doesn't post them, those of you participating should carry on anyway. You can always know the week by looking at the 60 DoD content on the sidebar. That is all. Get it done.",,0,SorcererKing,2021-12-30 15:03:32 marriedredpill,rqb17w,"Own Your Shit Weekly - December 28, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,21,AutoModerator,2021-12-28 08:30:18 marriedredpill,rla5ak,"Own Your Shit Weekly - December 21, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,18,AutoModerator,2021-12-21 08:30:22 marriedredpill,rjysfe,RP philosophy: A take on selfishness,"**Edit: WARNING: Massive bullshit ahead. It will possibly read as somewhat insightful, or like there is some substance there, but there isn't. It's nothing but *verba non acta*. I'm leaving it here to remind myself and warn others what can happen if you spend too much time thinking and not enough time doing.** Fix the man, not the marriage. I am the problem, not my wife/dad/government/world. Discipline = freedom. Lift. STFU. Read. Work *hard*. Become your own judge, your own mental point of origin. Do what you want. DNGAF. (well, give maybe one fuck). I look at all that and *see* truth. Not like I agree with it, as if it were something I could decide. It’s there, plain as day, right in front of me. I’m grinding away at applying it, failing all the time. but I see the truth and am working to align myself to it. I even see a kind of truth in what might be the most core RP philosophy: selfishness. philosophers call it [rational egoism](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rational_egoism). I think rational egoism is evolutionarily true, up to a point. I think the environment that produced us has deeply ingrained a *type* of selfishness as the highest ideal. But not selfishness of the individual, [selfishness of the genome](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gene-centered_view_of_evolution). I think rational egoism is *true*. but I’m not sure it’s *optimal*. and I think evolution agrees. But I’m not sure, and I want to be challenged on this. Evolution optimizes for maximum survival of a *genome*, not the individual. we are merely instantiations of that genome. we are finite, limited. evolution “knows” this. even if we fucked 10k women and sired 50k offspring, we will die eventually. it looks to me like our biology and neurochemistry reflects this. I think we are most aligned with our biological roots when we optimize for genomic survival and thriving, not just our individual survival and thriving. It looks to me like RP focuses on optimizing the life of the individual, all else be damned. Build my power to do what I want, maximize my happiness, DNGAF about what everyone else needs/wants, except in the context of how meeting those needs might further my own. But it all begins and ends with me alone and I won’t ever sacrifice myself for others. Again, I don’t think that’s “wrong” per se. Nothing is “wrong” in the world of RP. I just don’t see it as optimal. It looks to me like the most optimal mode of being is one that optimizes my needs & wants now, *then* my needs & wants later, *then* my needs & wants way down the line, until I die. but it doesn’t stop there. it radiates out from me to my closest relationships. my wife. my kids, my extended family, my neighborhood, my city, my country, the world. I want to take responsibility for as much of the universe as I have the strength and competence to, for as long as possible. So I want to live in a way that optimizes my own thriving over the longest possible time, *while also optimizing* the thriving of others, as far as my influence extends, and I want that influence to extend indefinitely. You might think: bullshit. Can’t be done. Can’t control other people, only yourself. You’re right. I can’t control others. At the end of the day I only control myself, and before I can ever hope to take responsibility for anything else, I have to “dominate myself” in the words of /u/HornsOfApathy. But I *do* influence others. I influence some people *a fucking lot*. What do I do with that influence? Do I make them servants of my will? Or do I help build them into a better version of themselves? I think it’s willfully blind and borderline sociopathic to ignore the influence we men exert over others. And more importantly I think it contradicts basic evolutionary instincts. Becoming healthy, strong, competent, and fit is at the core of our evopsych. I also think helping other people do that, *even at some cost to my own immediate or long-term happiness*, is also in line with that evopsych. How much do I sacrifice my own fitness for the fitness of others? I haven’t worked that out. But I know the answer does not approach zero, and there might be circumstances where even radical selflessness is warranted. I could even argue that the kind of “selective self-sacrifice” that promotes a healthy population around me is an expression of self-interest, because I will draw more benefit from a healthy community than an unhealthy one. Especially considering a day will come when I am not as competent, capable, and fit as I am today. So, have I just worked myself around to what everyone here already knows, and my autistic ass just didn’t understand the nuance? Did I take “selfishness” and rational egoism too literally? Or are there some hairs to split here?",,35,ancient_resistance,2021-12-19 15:19:39 marriedredpill,rhe74s,Sabotaging the deal at the end,"I'm sitting in an airport lobby right now, where I just got out of a meeting codenamed ""Project Landwhale"". I'm tasked to do due-diligence on a $100M+ company acquisition, that I will integrate into my business unit afterwards - and it's a company that previously tried to poach me back in 2015 post VC funding but they wasted my time and it died on the vine. The leadership was full of fat assholes. And here I sit wondering if I should just play along with these guys next week when I meet them in person and for the next 60 days, just to ultimately nuke the deal on day 59 without my recommendation and a scathing report not to proceed. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. My point is - I pretty much have all the power right now in my mind, but the truth of the matter is that they're a pretty attractive company to buy that will help me get my shit off the ground here much quicker. So, maybe if they suck my dick a little bit I'll buy them. \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ &#x200B; See, when you get to the endgame in MRP there are plenty of options. But after I've been at this long enough I see that most men - when they're attractive, have passed through all the seeking sex for validation stages, and have a sustained, congruent mindset.... they encounter sabotage from their wives. Sometimes it is a test. Sometimes these women really are just testing to see if you're truly outcome independent (as your final lesson) and if you're really the man you say you are who is willing to walk or stay. And mostly, these tests are congruence tests - you pass them and life goes on. Except this one. But some women will nuclear sabotage the relationship in order to protect their ego - simply because of two reasons: 1) You don't like her, and she knows this. 2) To protect their ego so they don't have to accept the fact that she isn't good enough for you. Because sometimes it's just too hard to face themselves and their need to improve. They simply are not willing to accept the swallowing of their own redpill. \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ But for those women who are willing to swallow their own redpill, and buck against societal standards, social media, their friends, and more importantly the mindset of princess feminism - and everyone telling them their entire lives that *they are the prize,* well, they need to buck that mindset and discover that their world isn't what they really thought it was. Because now, they're with a high value man, and they'll do anything to be with him. And what you guys need to understand is they have NO IDEA how to be with a man like that. They certainly didn't marry that, and so they go batshit crazy. And dudes, this is where liking your wife gets really important. Because I've seen men here that don't like their wives spin their wheels in this stage for a long time, constantly going Rambo just to get some retard revenge fantasy fulfilled - and that makes them like the TRP retards we all know. Fucking *over* women instead of just fucking them. &#x200B; A woman will always pick a HVM over anything, even their own *children.* This I have also seen here with /u/red-sfpplus \- who's fitchick was kicked out of his house because of her kids... and then months later she's dropping the kids off with their father, washing her hands, and begging to come back into his life full-time. You can't make this shit up. \------------------ My point to all of this is that right now, as I sit here willing to nuke the deal after playing along (like your wife) it's my ego that's stopping me from taking something that will proceed to further my career. So will I make the deal? Probably. Because that's best for me if I'm willing to swallow that pill. And that's what you dudes have the choice to do when you get to this point in your journey with a woman you like. You can choose her, but you're going to need to have her take her own redpill. She's going to need to anyways, she's not in the drivers seat anymore. You are. And you'll need to have patience to lead her through that if you want to. That's the choice I made with my woman, but it's just one possibility of endgame. But I promise you I wouldn't be sitting here today with my woman at home, ready to greet me on her knees, with a perfectly made Old Fashioned in hand serving me when I get home, and one that I especially like. Because she's not a bad deal. But if it all goes tits up - OK. Cost of doing business. Strength, motherfuckers.",,50,HornsOfApathy,2021-12-16 00:47:25 marriedredpill,rgq0qq,60 DoD '21 Week 5: Game,"Ah, Game. This is probably everyone's least favorite to do but favorite to talk about. You have options for a booster here, as always. Is your rando game on point? Do you engage in light flirting with women you encounter in the wild? Are you keeping the wife on her toes with banter? Remember that Game is about you generating positive feelings in others, particularly the tingles in women. It is perception management, expectation setting, and boundary enforcement all in one. See if you can (a) identify your weak points; (b) set up a booster-style program to address the weak points; and (c) actually execute the plan. Hit up our sidebar resources and old PUA material if you must. Report it or it didn't happen.",,13,SorcererKing,2021-12-15 04:04:58 marriedredpill,rg30pg,"Own Your Shit Weekly - December 14, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,14,AutoModerator,2021-12-14 08:30:13 marriedredpill,rb3xdf,60 DoD Booster '21: Week 4 Style,"This week we're giving our wardrobes a shot in the arm. In many places the weather seems to be swinging wildly back and forth between warm and cold, but for Northern Hemisphere guys we're entering winter soon. This means time to tune our colder weather wardrobe. Do your pants fit well? Enough room in the shoulders for those long-sleeve shirts? What about accessories, like hats, scarves, gloves. Can you make your look more sophisticated with some of these? Outerwear is important too. Your coat -- or lack thereof -- really sets your initial impression. The layers underneath need to be coherent with it and thus should reinforce it. No need to necessarily spend money for this booster, either. Take a holistic look at your wardrobe and make sure the pieces are working together correctly. Find the pieces that work well together, and make sure you note which ones should *never* go together. Consult the previous 60 DoD posts and internet style guides if you need inspiration or assistance.",,11,SorcererKing,2021-12-07 17:30:33 marriedredpill,rauhc3,"Own Your Shit Weekly - December 07, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,17,AutoModerator,2021-12-07 08:30:14 marriedredpill,r8s86o,A Teaser to Frame,"*An excerpt from Rudyard Kipling's poem ""If""* >If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster > >    And treat those two impostors just the same;    > >If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken > >    Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, > >Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, > >    And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools: > > >If you can make one heap of all your winnings > >    And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, > >And lose, and start again at your beginnings > >    And never breathe a word about your loss; I've watched, read, and listened to many of you idiots larp these points for the last year and it's probably time I break some of it down so that a few of you can actually start to unscrew your mentals. All of these terms deal with a few fundamental principles. King among them is this: the stalwart acceptance of sacrifice, loss, and negative consequences. __Outcome Independence and DNGAF__ Somewhere along the lines, you may have come to the nihilistic conclusion of ""nothing matters so I don't care about an outcome."" And that makes sense, because you suck and are stupid. You took the most autistic approach to understanding the term DNGAF, saw a modicum of success and tried to firekeep that success with your facade of indifference. We see right through it, *we know you care.* You're a soft little baby with your precious marbles. You're smart enough to know what the Streisand Effect is, and are trying to trick the people around you into not seeing your special thing. You'll think ""Wow, I've hidden it in plain sight!"" but you haven't. This why you seem butthurt. Because it's obvious. You're fake. A poser who can't even own up to his own wants and desires. Here's the kicker: you are not actually supposed to NOT CARE. Not having a goal is the same as not having a mission. DNGAF and mission are not at odds. Horns talked about this more or less indirectly with his post on [initiations](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/kxxe5j/initiations_youre_not_that_funny/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) emotionally investing in an outcome is not only okay, but it is a prerequisite to being fully deployed. This is when Outcome Independence comes in. With investing there is risk, and when there is risk there is loss. You aren't supposed to act like a baby-back bitch when stuff doesn't work out. Sure, be disappointed. You're allowed to have feelings, you neanderthal. But you are in control - having OI means you are not going to betray yourself or break frame simply because life with all of it's inevitable downs and even further downs happens. Let's boil this down. If you want to be Outcome Independent, you need to accept loss as it comes and sacrifice as a necessary evil to live a desireble life. Stop complaining about it. No more longing in the rearview mirror. You're moving forward. __Mental Point of Origin__ Great, so now you've accepted loss and sacrifice. Issue is all these other people. Mom says college is the right path, Dad says go into the trades. Your pot head older brother tells you the block chain will set you free. How do you navigate all these opposing viewpoints? What am I supposed to sacrifice for? What am I willing to lose? Doesn't matter, more important is if you take someones advice, everything that follows is *your fault* not theirs. You need to make some serious decisions about what is right and wrong. Then you need to start behaving as such. This is the unfortunate part: People will reject you for your decisions. Good, bad or otherwise. Odds are if you are here, those ""People"" is really just your wife. Maybe it's your kids. Lord willing they will come back to you, but maybe not. And that's life, and it sucks so make a gameplan and make the most out of the rubble that's left. Developing Mental Point of Origin requires you to make a decision or to hold a belief and stand by the fact it's your own shit in the toilet - not someone elses. Any decision you make is YOUR OWN. Your thoughts, beliefs, views, everything. Those ""heroes"" in your life should be dead, nobody should be more capable of making decisions for you, than you. (Though, many of you seem to be trying to outsource being your own origin on here - to that I'll say if I have to live your life and lead your wife, I get to spend your money, and screw your woman. So DM me your address and bank account information.) Many of you are not capable of dealing with the heat the transpires from putting your ego to the flame. And good, most of you have allowed the last 45+ years of your life to be lived at the accordance of other people because you fear rejection. And for that you will be rejected. “‘I know your works: you are neither cold nor hot. Would that you were either cold or hot! So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth."" Revelation 3:15‭-‬16 ESV Make a fucking decision.",,52,Praexology,2021-12-04 15:41:29 marriedredpill,r6ofiv,60 DoD Booster '21 Week 3: Hygiene,"Yes, I'm late in getting this up. That should not change the fact that you should be tuning up your hygiene this week. There have been good suggestions from years-past about cologne, haircuts, etc. Try getting new soap or a new deodorant for this booster. Something that will subtly change your smell (for the better, obviously). Report in OYS to continue to have accountability. I don't know you're participating if you're not OYS posting about it.",,13,SorcererKing,2021-12-01 20:33:52 marriedredpill,r5iq2j,"Own Your Shit Weekly - November 30, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,18,AutoModerator,2021-11-30 08:30:10 marriedredpill,r16ztm,FR - A Week of Irrational Self-Confidence,"*I know I'm being used, That's okay because I like the abuse,* *I know she's playing with me, Thats okay, cause I have no self-esteem.* Plow horse, Beta Bux, Taken For granted, Nice Guy. That was me. For a Decade. I did not know those terms, but that is how I acted, and that is how I felt. How is a guy like that supposed to have any sense of self confidence? Real self-confidence, not just Tony Robbins, sugar rush confidence that fades after a few hours. We have all read NMMNG. Shit, I read it twice and watched Rian Stones video on it. But I never actually did the BFAs. So, as I am going through OYS, making small realizations and some small steps forward. It was there that I got the suggestions to go back and actually do the BFAs. I did, and right out of the gate something stuck out. I found this common theme in my notes. The theme, that I am wrong. Something about me is ""wrong"". I know that is bullshit, and I know it is bad to think that way, but fuck me, I still felt it. I needed to change that. I know enough to know that real change only comes from massive action. I can't journal and meditate my way out of this. I need to act differently. I needed to act ""right"". I decided, for the next week, everything I do will be ""right."" Every decision, every action, every god damn thing I say, pancake I flip, and note on the guitar I play was exactly as I wanted it to be. I didn't make a mistake, I couldn't, because even if someone else thought it was a mistake, I knew, it was exactly what I wanted to do. This took effort at first. You know those tricks we use to pass frame tests and shit tests? When I went from thinking I was wrong to thinking I was right, guess who started shit testing me...my own damn brain. Turns out, you can use those same tools on yourself. I wanted to go out at night to see a show at a local coffee shop, my hamster wheel started spinning, ""what about helping with bedtime....you don't really want to go, you are just making excuses to leave the house.....you are going to be 15 years older than everyone there. I used a little AM. Ha! That just my brain trying get me back to Beta Billy mode, that is just how my brain is currently wired, thoughts traveling down well-worn neural pathways. It is time to make some new pathways. I texted a friend, had to convince him too, let's go, it's going to be great. Or, when I wanted to flick my wife's perky nipples during sex. I never did that before, but i wanted too. My brain said, no that is wrong to do, that would be weird, who even flicks nipples? I didn't listen to my brain, Told myself to STFU and gave a firm flick to her nipples, sucked her tits and continued fucking her. The key for me with internal STFU, is the 3 second rule. STFU and do it in 3 seconds, do not even give your mind time to overthink it. Or a driving example. I ran a red light one time. Everyone else in the car thought I made a mistake. I knew I ran that light, that light never changed so fucking quickly before, it was only yellow for a microsecond. Anyway, I hope a cop does try to pull me over, cue the car chase music....AA'd myself. My brain tested myself in the form of self-doubt, once I continued to get passed those, any external shit test was a breeze. But there was more to it than just taking action, and using these tools above. There was also some inner game work, that I needed to do, and still do, along with the action. I needed to figure out what self-confidence was, and then take it a step farther to figure out what irrational self-confidence was. More than just ""Do what I want"" and ""I am right"", how did I actually think that and believe it? It started with a few things; 1. The way I spoke to myself or ""my inner voice"", 2. deciding that I like myself, and 3. realizing I can handle the consequences. I changed that inner voice to saying and thinking only good things about myself, and then took it a step farther, to saying and thinking only fucking great things about myself. Holy shit I am awesome. I decided that I like myself, exactly as I am and where I am going, then I decided, holy hell I fucking love myself exactly as I am, and as a matter of a fact, why doesn't everyone love themselves like this? Then I realized, if I piss someone off, which I did plenty of, I can handle the consequences. Usually, it is just someone getting mad, maybe yelling at me, I can handle that. If they straight up disrespect me, well that sucks, but I can handle that too, and they can feel free to fuck off (RIP weakandsensitive). I started this about 5 weeks ago with the intent of being irrationally self-confident for 1 week. I did it for a week. I loved it. I loved everything about it. I stayed out longer with friends, I laughed more than ever, I went through a months' worth of shit tests in a week. Then I realized I didn't have to pass shit tests if I didn't want to. After a week, I thought fuck it, I am going to keep going. I got laid a bunch, leaned into mountain biking with a group of guys, got a promotion at work, perfected that fat, funky bass line to Superstition. What the fuck, it is not irrational anymore, it is just confidence, maybe some people have it naturally, I had to learn it, either way it does not matter, as long as you have it. In the 90s I loved The Offspring, I feel sorry for those suckers now.",,83,Along-The-Reeds,2021-11-24 14:54:52 marriedredpill,qzyqkj,Stop Blaming Your Kids,"I’ve consumed a lot of the content on MRP and the thing that pisses me off most is when guys blame their kids. If you let a five-year-old stand in the way of what you want, then either you don't really want it or you don't deserve to get it. **Remove the Kids From Your Sexual Strategy** At my lowest point, this was still a hard boundary for me. I don't need elementary school children to be my wingmen. Using them for “dread” is absolute bullshit. My goal with my kids is to give them experiences and blueprints for transitioning into adulthood. I've come to terms that some of my kids may excel, some of them may fuck up, and some of them may be average. That's on them, and I'll be here for guidance. They are people. They're hormonal with undeveloped brains, but they are people with agency and not a tool for you to use to get laid. ""If she sees me be a great dad, she'll go down on me right away."" If you take the kids out and think about what your wife will think, you'll be sorely disappointed. Your kids will probably still have a good time, but good luck with your seething anger and resentment. If you don't stand up for the boundaries you set for your kids because it might stand in the way of getting laid, you've got bigger problems than sex. One of my major boundaries is allowing my kids to have some privacy, regardless of their age. Nothing makes my blood boil more than a mom posting private information about their kid on social media with a caption that describes the child's physical and mental ailments for ""you go girls."" I had one instance of this where I stepped in. My wife posts a picture of the two-year-old and talks about how she (two-year-old) is delayed in one area, but that she's learning so much from a TV show (more on that later). I've told my wife before that we shouldn't be ashamed of anything that the kids are going through, but that it is their choice on whether or not they want to share this info when they are old enough, and not ours. I had to reiterate this a little more bluntly this time. Post was taken down, privacy for the kid remained somewhat intact. Didn't get laid. Didn't care. Don't use your kids to try to get your wife to have sex with you. Don't sacrifice their integrity and agency if it stands in the way of you getting laid. **I Can't Do Things Because I Have Kids** No. You can't do things because you don't want to, you're making excuses, or because you don't have enough money. You may also suck at logistics. ""All of my money goes to my kids."" Revaluate your budget, or go make more money. The reality is that there is always money out there. It's not an excuse. ""If I go out or leave the house, everything will go to hell/my wife wouldn't be able to handle it/I'd feel guilty."" I had this at first. Some guilt that things would go crazy or that the house would burn down. But you know who never feels guilty about leaving the house? Moms. And you shouldn’t either. Admittedly, I was completely in her frame with this at first, but I quickly got out of it by being consistent and planning some things to look forward to on my own. At least once a week I go out on my own, no guilt, no shame, no extra housework to justify what I want to do. If you haven't done this before, there's a good chance that the kids will be used against you to manipulate you to stay home/do what she wants you to do. Just get through it, avoid answering texts or phone calls unless it's an actual emergency, and enjoy yourself. Out of sight, out of mind. **You Want To Be Your Wife's Kid** I love discovering things and keeping in touch with my youth. Yet, a majority of my issues are being stuck in that limbo between childhood and adulthood. As I mentioned above, chances are if you're here, something was fucked up in your childhood that probably related to your parents. You might be jealous of your kids. They get all of your wife's attention, and you get none. They are praised for taking a shit in the toilet, and you don't even get a thank you for working 80 hours a week. *Iron Rule of Tomassi 6: Women are utterly incapable of loving a man in the way that a man expects to be loved.* The truth is 1. you're competing for the wrong type of attention and love and 2. you shouldn't be competing at all. If you find yourself at the end of the movie ""The Good Son,"" and your wife is holding on to you in one hand and your kid in the other hand, she will drop your ass to your death without hesitation and save your kid. It's what she's wired to do. Stop arguing biology in your head. She doesn't love you that way, she never will, nor should she. You want to feel young? Go lift and eat well and seek out a little adventure. I feel better in my late thirties than I did in my ten years ago. Do you want someone to take care of you? You can probably get that, but don't bitch when the sex dries up. The kids are not your competition. **But My Kids Sleep In My Bed…** This has no bearing on whether or not you'll have sex. You're probably fat or unattractive. Chances are your wife has probably taken care of herself while you were gone and the kids were in another room or even in the crib in your room. You may still be at a stage where your wife is using the kids as an out loud excuse to not have sex with you. Let me translate for you: *Her: ""If we have sex now, the kids will hear us."" (You're not attractive, and I probably wouldn't fuck you if the house was empty). *You: ""Let's go upstairs."" Her: “Let me get the baby."" (You're not attractive, and your wife is using a human shield to protect herself from your fat ass or her image of your former fat ass). *You: “The kids are at grandma's for tonight. We finally have some alone time together."" Her: ""I'm just tired from running around. I'm looking forward to resting tonight and getting to bed early."" (You're not attractive, and even without her human shields, she still doesn't want to fuck you. And, your initiations suck). ""If the kids are removed from the bedroom, I'll get more sex."" I do not talk about fight club with my friends, but for new fathers that I talk with, this is hands down the most common covert contract I'm seeing. Now, you can go all out on logistics here and make a grand plan to get the kids out of your bedroom and you getting laid. But you know what? You probably just need to sidebar and lift. Your kids aren’t cockblocking you. You are. They may be speed bumps, but they aren’t roadblocks. **You Don't Have to Spend Every Waking Minute With Them/You Don't Have to Entertain Them** A lot of parents today think they have to have their eyes on their kids every waking moment, or that they have to plan every single part of the day out for them. I'm big on activities for the kids; one of my rules is that the kids have to be in at least one sport/physical activity and one musical/club type activity. These take up some time. But another rule I have is that they have two days a week where nothing is going on. These also happen to be no-screen days. It pisses them off, but they live. I check on them occasionally, but these days are for them to figure out what they want to do for themselves. I then go do my shit, and if they want to help me, great. If not, they read/play/build something/go outside with friends. For guys like me that didn't have dads around, you may want to oversteer and make sure you're there for your kids all of the time. Kids can be a part of your world, but not the center of your world. Make most of their events. Spend some of your time with them. I missed an event the other day because I had something else I needed and wanted to do that's been on the calendar for a while. I'll probably make the next event. Other times, I might change my plans to accommodate, or I even plan around the activities and events. There's no script, it just all depends on what is happening at a certain time, where my time is best utilized, and what I can do to honor my word. Summary: Don't make your kids your wingmen. Spend quality time with them if you want to. Otherwise, I'm sure they can find help on this sub in 15-25 years.",,108,[deleted],2021-11-22 23:14:00 marriedredpill,r08pcl,"Own Your Shit Weekly - November 23, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,12,AutoModerator,2021-11-23 08:30:10 marriedredpill,r0875u,60 DoD '21 Booster Week 2: Diet Boost,"Time to reassess the diet. What are you eating that you shouldn't be? What might you add to your routine that could help? From superfoods to supplements, there are many choices. Check some prior year resources on the sidebar if you lack inspiration. This is also a good time to make sure you have a solid plan. The Eating Olympics are on Thursday in the US, so how will you cope with that? Will you exercise some control and stick to your plan? Can you eat more turkey than stuffing? Maybe just steal a bite of pie from your wife rather than have your own piece? Lay off the beers? Tell us in OYS.",,11,SorcererKing,2021-11-23 07:56:18 marriedredpill,qz6qzm,The Law of Accommodation,"The law of accommodation is: the response of a biological organism to a given constant stimulus will decrease over time. Thus, accommodation is the decrease in response of your body to a constant continued stimulus. Noise is a good example. People in a city are far more desensitized to the noise than someone from the farm lands of Iowa. So, what is training “accommodation”, and why should you avoid it like the plague?  If you don’t then your progress will eventually come to a grinding halt if you don’t recognize and account for it. Accommodation to training stress (or any biological stress for that matter) is the follow-on/flip-side to the adaptation process. It’s a normal and expected response from a biological system built purely to survive in a given environment. And that “built to survive” part is the “gotcha” in this whole stress/recovery/compensation game.  If a similar load,  same exercises, range of motion and/or rep tempos are consistently used time after time, day after day, the body soon adapts, then stops making progress altogether.  Look at it this way. Your past life you did little to alter your day to day. There was zero reason for her to be stressed, worried about you, the relationship. On one hand she is comfortable you aren’t going any where and she can do what she wants with little risk. She doesn’t have to put out, dress up, really do anything for you unless she wants to do it. At this point any change on your part is going to be meet with resistance. The same as your body fighting the discomfort of training and finally being used the way it was intended. It won’t be easy at first. She may say she wants comfort but what she really wants is change, excitement. She needs her environment to be on a steady change. Just as your training needs to be. Nature abhors a vacuum equally as it abhors mediocrity. It sucks to be average. There is no threat for her to gather her biological resources against when it’s status quo. She likes that hint of danger. If not The relationship has stalled. And worse than stalling is the potential for backsliding. Biology can be a bitch indeed. Many powerlifters believe that all you have to do is “grip it and rip it bro"". Just grunt it out like Rambo. but the training isn't that easy. If you want to increase your lifts you will not only need maximum levels of strength, you will need maximum proficiency during your movement. Any wasted movement can result in increased time under tension, increasing the likelihood that you fail the lift. Ever wonder why when you failed a comfort test, and you started backsliding why she went after you like a shark goes after seals? Keep failing these, without addressing your weaknesses and Inefficiency creeps in due to the law of accommodation. You must not be afraid in facing your weaknesses. Every day. It’s not so much embracing the suck as it is embracing where you’re weak. If you hate doing it odds are it’s what you need to work on. if standard exercises and training loads are used over long periods the body adapts to the point where there is no more growth. That bro over there doing bicep curls for the last 2 months has most likely exceeded any benefit. It’s now about pumping up to get a look and nothing about improvement. This is why linear progressive programs will only work for so long. This is why using the tool of red pill like an autist idiot is like blasting your way to a 400 deadlift without putting in the proper work upfront. You made it but any growth after will likely stall due to lack of addressing your weaknesses and inefficiencies in movement. As a man you are defined by your weaknesses. You can only bench 225? Doesn’t matter you can squat 700, your limitation is what holds you back. Your training needs to focus around removing your weaknesses, while improving your strengths. Your body will be under constant change. Every session something else is happening. Don’t keep relying on the same tools everyday. The premise here is that if you can change your body you can change your life. Whatever you are least at that’s where you are stuck at.",,62,ReddJive,2021-11-21 22:58:16 marriedredpill,qx555f,FR: Spank your wife.,"First, I'm NASTY. Not a sex therapist... yet. Make sure you have safe words established. This shit is supposed to be safe, sane, and consensual. I use the green/yellow/red stoplight method. Ya'll love dynamite. Consider this an expansion of the cheat codes but it doesn't register on the difficulty meter. So if tards are gonna tard go right ahead. Even though we're into the 24/7 Big D little s framework, I get nothing out of spanking my wife. She doesn't particularly like it either, at least in the previous context I've done it until now. If you read my shit you know I'm all about redirecting some anxiety in women towards things that are beneficial to men. Every woman has anxiety, and when you're a HVM of whatever container word you want to use - the anxiety never really ever goes away. Passive dread is there and there's no way to kill it. Oh well, use it however you want. Anyways, so I'm watching this woman being consumed by what I perceive to be just ridiculous shit that has no bearing on the long or short term vision - the dry cleaning not dropped off on time, kids had to eat apples instead of oranges for lunch and they ate apples yesterday, her compact dropped and broke, just... stupid shit. But not to a woman with a HVM. She thinks she's disappointing me. ""I'm so sorry!"" So I'm over here naturally doing more important shit than sitting around listening to how it's going to take 2 days to get a new mirror in and blah dafucking blah. Passive dread kicks in. Double dread because no attention and she's not pleasing me in her mind. So I try to apply some comfort later that night just to listen, maybe fogging if I give a shit, and I hear ""I'm about to break."" ""Then we need to take care of this right now. Bend over my knee. Pull down your pants. Panties too."" No idea why I thought of this, but figured I might as well jump and try something new. She complies, I'm sitting down on the couch and move forward to the edge, and she's on all fours bent over my knee. I'm just caressing, then smacking, caress some more. Letting her get those feelz out through my soft slaps. ""I don't like you like this. You need to let it go."" Now for those of you who haven't spanked a woman before, there really is an art to it. First, always spank from the bottom of the ass cheek - near the gooch - in the meaty part - and slap UP so it jiggles a bit. Never go too high on the ass. There's not enough cushion there and removes the good tingles of her ass reverberating gently (or not at all if she does alot of squats). Think of how you'd snap a towel at a bro in the lockeroom after you caught him looking at your gigantic balls. *WHIP - but slowly.* Use your palm at first, then move to the fingers. Create a circular motion from the gooch at about a 45 degree angle, bounce the butt cheek towards the center of her asshole, then make a circle at the top and bring it back down below the meaty buttcheek again. The next key to a successful spanking is to establish a good rhythm. One-two-three-four. Repeat. Like you're tapping your foot to Jump by Van Halen. That's a good tempo. So after I finish the spank she gets up and I realize she's mad. It didn't work, I've redirected the feelz to angry feelz, probably because of the humiliation. Then I see a little tear. And I tell her ""That didn't work, bend over again."" Cue Van Halen. Except this time she starts to whimper, not because it hurts, but because it's working. I keep going.I should have taken off my ring, it's giving a sting. And then I get a ""STOP!!!""... and I don't. STOP isn't our safeword. It's **red.** Keep singing in my head ""Might as well.... JUMP"" Then something odd happens. This little 130lb woman decides she's going to try to fight me and get off my knee and wrestle or some shit, but I'm clearly in a position of dominance. I just hold her down over my knee with what felt like 80% of my strength, she's at 100%, something I've NEVER done before with her.... and then begin to apply comfort..... ""*It's OK, sweetheart. It's OK. I've got you. We're going to take care of this right now. It's OK.*"" Her body goes limp into submission. >*And I know, baby, just how you feel* > >*You got to roll with the punches and get to what's real* I end the spank a verse later, maybe 20 seconds, cuddle up with her, she's crying a lot, not from the pain at all. She's crying from the release. It's all over. Pull her into my chest and bear hug her. Rest of the night she's forgotten all about the missed dry cleaning, is cuddling up to me as I watch an episode of WWII in Color, and then we go to bed. We get in bed and I hear something overtly I haven't heard in a very, very long time. ""That was so fucking hot, Horns."" It was the egoless truth.",,179,HornsOfApathy,2021-11-19 01:42:03 marriedredpill,qv384e,"Own Your Shit Weekly - November 16, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,19,AutoModerator,2021-11-16 08:30:10 marriedredpill,quyl11,60 DoD: Booster Shot '21,"Hello again maggots. It has been nearly 6 months since we finished 60 DoD '21. We had good participation this year, including many new guys. Wads of cookie dough began to become carved out of wood, and flair was earned. But now it's wearing off, isn't it? You've gotten lazy. The days are short, the weather has a chill in the air, and it's really tempting to snuggle up in front of the ol' TV with a blanket instead of moving heavy, cold, iron. Comfort food warms your fat little insides. A nice whiskey after work to ""take the edge off"" wrecks your motivation and your game. Not ever leaving makes you a known, boring quantity. So, we are going to do another cycle. Right before (and straight through) the holidays will be good for you. This volatile time of year is particularly dangerous for guys trying to distinguish their proverbial ass from the proverbial hole in the ground, what with in-laws and parties and *social pressure*. Way I see it, you would do well to refocus your lifting to keep yourself feeling good and making gainz. Way I see it, you would do well to put down that fork, especially as we close on the Eating Olympics here in the US. (Keto Thanksgiving anyone?) Way I see it, you would do well to address your winter wardrobe, your degrading hygiene, your slowly rotting game. How about those career and finance goals for '22? Yes, you need your booster. Week 1 starts now. Reply to this post to declare your commitment to yourself. For this week, as in all weeks during this run, you're going to look at your lifting with a ""booster shot"" mentality: what is working, what is not. What is stale and can be replaced with something new? More reps, more sets, more weight? New exercises? Variants of the same old thing? Concretely: pick a lifting celebrity and find something they do that you do not, and integrate that into your routine. Possibilities include Schwarzenegger, The Rock, Steve Cook, Ronnie-Fucking-Coleman (Light Weight Baby!)... or whoever you like. Just try something new FFS. The same rules as before will apply. Those who commit publicly and report progress weekly will earn flair. If you already got flair last spring from this, you'll get the coveted **FULLY DREADED '21** flair. I haven't done the math yet to know when this stops. It will end when it ends, so STFU and get lifting.",,22,SorcererKing,2021-11-16 03:44:12 marriedredpill,qtaocf,Depressed and Anxious Wives: A Slower Approach: Field Report,"I got home from taking my girl out last night and hopped on the MRP subreddit for a bit. I read u/The_Red_Letters report on Depressed and Anxious wives and this immediately resonated with me. However, my approach was closer to a tow rope approach. Maybe not 1000 feet, but there was quite a bit of slack. This is not meant as a rebuttal, companion piece, or even related to u/The_Red_Letters. In fact, it sounds like my approach took much longer than his and that my issue was less severe. I won't get any fake internet points for originality, but I will say that writing all of the below out is helping me from slipping back to where I was. This is field report is written for a very specific person: a guy that was and is working on getting his shit together with an aimless stay-at-home wife, with multiple children. If this applies to you, great. Either way, I'll be looking back at this in a few months during my reviews. **My aim with this field report is to get into the weeds of what I did to improve this situation, specifically in the area of stay-at-home-wives; furthermore, I'm sharing this as another potential option for someone else that might be in a similar position, and to show what it looks like in the process.** Looking back, previous posts and comments from MRP certainly helped me identify the problems, but there wasn't a script to follow for this situation. Horn's post was helpful at identifying it, but I was on my own for this one. **Catalyst** Several months ago I notice that she's boring, aimless, and drinking. Not a lot, but either a glass of wine or two white claws a night. The majority of her day was aimless; the house was a disaster, and she spent most of her day playing on her phone. She was angry when I came home. On our anniversary, I forced her into a shitty comfort test (which I was too stupid to realize at the time). She told me that she didn't know where she fit in, that she thought she was depressed, she thought about separating, and that she was thinking about seeing a therapist. I think about leaving because I receive no validation from her whatsoever. I make a retarded post on AskMRP. **Before the Catalyst** Prior to this event, I was fucking up quite a bit, especially on STFU, but things were moving forward. I lifted six days a week, started making more money, had more and better sex, and was genuinely proud of myself. I had a shitload of covert contracts I was still working on, but my trajectory was moving up. I started lifting almost exactly a year ago. at the start of this, I noticed she was not happy. In those first six months, she got happier as I got happier. Most leads were followed. And then right at the six-month mark, she got depressed and aimless. Problem number one: I went all out. I'm naturally competitive and a little retarded, so I did what the internet told me. ""Owned my shit."" Fixed everything around the house, remodeled the family room, installed a new water heater, handled more family logistics, chores around the house, etc. And there was little left for her to do of value. My girl doesn't like doing housework. You know what she hates even more? Feeling useless. I racked up so many points on that scoreboard that it wasn't even funny. Invited to a family get-together? I made the best dish anyone's ever eaten at a potluck. People automatically assumed she made it and complimented her. She sheepishly had to tell them that I made it. I wouldn't even let her sprinkle the homemade bread crumbs on. I showed her. Problem number two: I compartmentalized my successes and failures. In my head, I only associated others with my failures, not my successes. I thought I had a few options. I could work to internalize this and think about how others were actually involved in my successes, or I could entirely blame myself for everything. I chose to blame myself. I then realized that this was a complete fucking waste of time, so I flushed it from my head, went to bed, and reset the next day to take action. I wouldn't forget how shitty I was, but I was going to focus on the present and future. **What I Wasn't Going To Do** I wasn't going to be my wife's therapist. I'm not qualified, and I didn't want to do it. I was prepared to help her find a therapist, but at the suggestion of responses to my retarded AskMRP post, I stayed away from this area. I told her that I would help her find a therapist if she liked, but that if she really wanted to do this, she'd take the lead. She did a few Google searches, but never booked any appointments. I also wasn't going to stop my MAP. Every day since this point, I've been in the best shape of my life, and I'm more equipped than before to be proactive and to handle situations. But what I really needed to do was stop competing. If you have half a brain cell, like I didn't, you've noticed what the center of my work was. Pussy was no longer the mission. Rather, I was on a revenge mission, pummeling someone beyond submission. I realized I was wrong and that I was focusing my energy in the wrong direction. The mental process I went through on this is probably its own field report. For now, I'll move on to the practical approach I took. **Decision Time** 1. Not only was I not giving her a chance to add value, I had fostered an environment that was overwhelming at times and boring at other times. I actually had to give a fuck, but change the direction in where my fuck went. I thought I had the answers for her, but she sure as hell wasn't listening to her loser husband at that point. I would have to walk the walk first if I had any business trying to lead someone else. That is, if I wanted to. The second issue was that I had to decide... 2. Did I give a shit about her? I wasn't sure of the answer to this question. This was at the time of my biggest anger stage and where I was only taking some responsibility for my actions. At the time, I thought that I didn't give a shit. I blamed her for hanging on to my past self. She couldn't see how great I was. First issue, yes, she was hanging on to that, and two, I wasn't that great. But, I accepted that this was my responsibility. And someone reading this may say, ""it's not your responsibility to fix someone else,"" but you know what? Fuck you. I didn't have an end goal of ""fixing her,"" but I knew that I had failed by either dragging her here, not leading her correctly, or both. Whether I liked her or not, whether I stayed or left, she would always be the mother of my kids and they deserved to have two competent parents. I was at least going to make an effort to right my wrongs, regardless of whether or not that meant that the marriage continued. **Providing Opportunities for Value: ""Choreplay"" With a Plan** Some time passes. Nothing changes, but I calm down. One day, I had a thought. ""What if she became my assistant?"" I deemed this thought extremely retarded. I didn't know why at the time, but I'm sure it had something to do with prize mentality, and I knew there was a covert contract in there. But this thought kept coming back to me. I had a few projects that I was starting yet not enough time in the day to focus on them. I would certainly complete these projects, but it was going to take some time, and I might have to hire some freelancers to help with some of the grunt tasks. I upgraded this thought to ""kind of retarded,"" and kept it in the back of my pocket. I then decided to start with...housework. The house was never truly clean unless I cleaned it. Some of it was that she just didn't know how to manage so much, while a lot of was just silent shit tests. At five children, I probably have more kids than most guys in this subreddit. Managing the household requires quite a bit of proactive approaches and management of logistics. I actually enjoyed doing this; partly because I could listen to some audiobooks and podcasts while doing mindless tasks, and the other part because of all of that validation that came with being a superman. Kill it at work, and kill it at home. My first step was removing myself as the oldest child in the house. The MAP/script was helping me to accomplish this. The second step in this was to literally treat her like the kids when it came to chores and responsibility. I went overt here and told her that I didn't expect her to pick up after me and that I won't be picking up after her. The first night, I load the dishwasher. She left her shit out on the table. I didn't pick it up, it didn't get washed. I survived the dirty look and excuses. She started picking more of her shit up. There are a hundred other examples of this that I don't need to list. Lots of improvement here, which led me to my next action. Start refocusing where my energy is used best, stop doing so much shit at home, and start leading. My leadership approach was to: A. competently complete the tasks for a few weeks, B. invite her and the kids to help me with the task, C. hand off some or all of the task to her or the kids while I focused my energy where I am best utilized and D. review/evaluate the situation. This always worked great at work; I was just too retarded to transfer it at home until this point. Example: my wife talked for years about doing meal planning because this would make things easier. I absolutely love cooking and trying new dishes, but was often flying by the seat of my pants each day in terms of what we should do for dinner. Followed the leadership approach above, and cut my work in half. I didn't want to give up all of the cooking because I enjoyed it so much, so I went from cooking four times a week to two times a week. I said ""thank you"" or ""I appreciate what you do"" for every task she took on. A lot of eye-rolling at first, but also less aimless wandering and finger-fucking her phone every day. I then used this method or small variations of it for all of the common household tasks with success. I started to notice that things were a little better. A little more talking on her end, and I wasn't dreading walking into the house as much. This went on for a couple of months. **Praise** When I finally got to a point where my validation mattered to her, I had to understand the weight of my words. Sometimes, she cooked, and it was great. A few times, it sucked. For those few times, she was upset and asked ""do you like it? I messed up a part of it and overcooked some of it."" And you know what? That was an understatement. It was awful. So I told *a* truth. Me: ""I appreciate how hard you worked on this. Thanks for taking care of this."" Her: ""But it's so overcooked."" Me: ""It's not like those recipe sites make it easy on anyone. I get the entire life story of the cow that the meat came from, and just a few directions on how to actually make it. You and I should make a recipe site that requires no backstories and no guessing. "" We both know that it sucks, and we both know that each other knows, but my focus was on encouraging her to continue cooking and trying new things. It was also a little accidental team-building/us against the world on my part. Now, cooking and cleaning only got so far. This is a girl that was told by her dad since she was younger that she ""didn't need no man,"" but that didn't really grow up having to do many ""traditional female"" chores. I noticed a small amount of resentment starting to sneak up. My idea of having her as an assistant came back to me again. But I didn't want to put someone in a role that I wasn't sure if they were ready for. So, I decided to a push a little. **Introduction to a System/Increasing Opportunities for Value** I have a total hard-on for my to-do list system. It's got labels, actions, projects, and all sorts of organizational aspects that allow me to do and not think so much. It also has the ability to share with other users or teams. I've told my wife before in the past that she might like to use this system. Immediate shut down, and went back to her shitty system that didn't work. This time, I tried a different approach. One Monday morning, I emailed her. Me: ""I have a few tasks that I need to get done. I'll get them done this week, but if they're done earlier, I'm not going to complain. No pressure, but I'm going to share the list with you. Let me know if you need any help deciphering any of the labels."" The list included small to medium tasks. Nothing crazy that would make anyone feel bad if they failed. I never got a response to the email, but in two days, everything was cleared on the list, and I was asked to check on a few items. I heaped on the praise. Everything was done well and on time. I used the free time to run some other errands and then take her out to dinner as a thank you. I followed this pattern for a few more months. I noticed that she started to abandon her post-its, use the system I showed her, and develop a clearer direction for what she wanted to do each day. Things were slowly getting better. She started talking more, drinking less, and seemed calmer most of the time. Some silent shit tests were popping up. I gave her more important tasks, but failed to notice that she was skirting responsibility on some of her share of the housework. Once I noticed, I just had to speak up. Some shitty looks and a little banging of pots and pans as she put them away, but I'm sure the excitement was better than the boredom. **Transitioning to a Team** If I were to be less wordy about all of this, I could sum it up as saying that I provided a path for my wife to go from competitor to follower to teammate, and that I ended up liking her. But that's not me, so here's more. A huge opportunity fell into my lap one day. One of my side projects directly involved in my mission gained some ground and I got called out of the blue to speak on this project. I started doing what I normally did; scheduled time, set goals, set action items to get to the goals, etc. And then I thought again, ""what if she became my assistant?"" So, I went home, set up some logistics so the kids wouldn't bother us. I told her about the opportunity. I then told her that I really wanted to focus on the content and delivery, and that I needed some help with the logistics. Now maybe it was the money involved, or maybe she was particularly bored that day; doesn't matter. This was the happiest I had seen this woman in months. I focused on my strengths. She booked flights, hotels, meals, schedules, and handled all correspondence with the event organizers. I just had to plan my content and pick out her clothes. The day of the event, she was nervous. I told her that I knew how hard she worked on this, and that I wouldn't have asked someone to do this that I didn't trust. I had the easiest time with my first event in this area, and she had an opportunity to add value to both of our lives. One month later, I mentioned casually that I wanted a website. ""I could help you."" This woman stayed up and learned website design and some simple coding, and knocked out a website for me. I've noticed that she is now starting to have more agency and even working on some projects of her own. I invited her into my mission. It's still my mission, and I can do it without her; she just happens to help me get there quicker. &#x200B; **Present** Last night: we're sitting at dinner, enjoying ourselves, making fun of other people together, and talking over some future plans. At one point, a family sits down near us, but then requests to get their table changed. My wife makes the joke that ""they were intimidated because we were just too hot to sit by."" I'm in an epic shit test; if I wanted the validation from her, this is as good as it gets. We're laughing like never before, and I'm genuinely enjoying my time. Is this an arrival point? Definitely not; rather, it's just another day. **Short Version** * I'm not claiming to cure depression. * I stopped punishing my wife for my faults. * I chose to guide her to actions that added value to both of our lives. * I developed a mission that wasn't her and later included her in this mission. * Aimless men create aimless women. * Things are better. * It took about a year with the way that I did it, with six months of focused work.",,75,[deleted],2021-11-13 21:33:27 marriedredpill,qseq8g,Depressed and Anxious Wives: Field Report.,"I’ve never gotten into a lot of detail on the specifics of my experience in my OYS posts because it wasn’t necessary in order for me to make progress. That’s the beauty of this place. No matter how unique you think your situation is the recipe to fix it is basically the same. Lift, read the sidebar, post your goals and progress, swap notes and repeat. At this point though I think there’s some value to be had in consolidating my experience into a post. If not for you, then at least for me. There’s nothing terribly special here. It’s just the practical specifics of how I applied the theory to my life. **The situation** I originally started posting here because my wife was depressed as hell. Only getting out of bed for an hour a day sometimes. At the peak she was even briefly hospitalized for her depression. A depression that I would come to find out was **all my fault.** During this depressive episode I did what most guys do, I tried to fix it. I tried to fix her. I did this by following my wife's lead. Listening to her complaints and trying to address them all. I'm sure these issues would be familiar to guys here. Housework, money, me working to much etc. Every time I would address an issue a new one would pop up and the situation would stay the same or get worse. Those were symptoms, I was the issue. Those were shit tests and I was consistently failing. **How I caused it** A turning point in my understanding came when I found u/HornsOfApathy ‘s [Depressed and Anxious Wives](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/asqi8r/depressive_and_anxious_wives_how_its_all_your/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)series. At first I didn't understand, but after reading a few times and reflecting in my OYS it finally clicked. How could this be all my fault? Well, here's how: My nice guy attitudes built a hell and my first officer followed me into it. **I was not honest.** When I have the energy I genuinely love giving. I get a deep satisfaction from cooking for people, giving them my focused attention or doing a favour for a friend or loved one. The catch is, when I’m tired out and reach my limit of these gifts, I need to stop. If I keep going, those exact same actions make me resentful and bitter. My woman, like all women, could sense my hidden resentfulness in an instant. She could tell I wasn't congruent in many of my gifts. Because I often said yes when I meant no, and she could sense it, eventually I lost all credibility and my word meant nothing. My wife spent a tremendous amount of time and energy trying to figure out what I really meant and avoid my resentment because I wouldn't be honest. As she fell into a depression I placated her requests no matter how far over my line they were. When you’re in an abyss you need a wall to bump up against. Every time I capitulated I move the wall out of grasp. Worse, I was working my ass off to move walls. I kept moving the walls and oscillated between being kind and resentful. She in turn filled the container I’d created and doubted herself to no end. Her confidence dropped to nothing, her anxiety skyrocketed. I said yes because I wanted to make her happy when an honest no is what she wanted. An honest no is always better than a resentful, incongruent yes. **How I fixed it** I became the wall in the abyss. Around this time I was reaching a true level of DNGAF. I think this was key in helping me become more honest. I was being a nice guy before because I was afraid of the consequences of asserting myself. As I gave less of a fuck I was more free to tell the truth and let the chips fall however they may. The next shit test that came up I passed almost by accident. It was about the same old stuff and ended with a vague threat of us ""not working."" I listened, then said ""That's okay, but I'm not changing anymore."" Normally this would probably be a 1000 foot rope situation. Make the change, shut the fuck up and work through the slack. This was at a crisis point though so I decided to be more overt. I levelled with her. I said ""listen, I know you feel like you can’t trust me. I’ve made it that way by not being honest about my wants, needs and limits. I’m changing that starting today. You can trust me."" I knew from her reaction I’d hit on the exact issue at the core of her depression. I made sure that the next time she asked for something I didn’t want to do I said ""No."" **This is absolutely key.** If I undermined myself after levelling all credibility is lost. Then the next time she needed me for something that I was happy to do I said yes. I watched her reaction and saw the anxiety as she doubted my congruence. I pointed to my past ""no"" and said ""I will tell you when I don’t want to, remember. I’m not afraid of you. You can trust me."" I repeated this process a few times and saw the anxiety start to leave. I knew I could move to simple yes or no’s here unless I saw the anxiety return. The no's are equally important, if not more, than the yes's. **My Takaway** I don’t want to focus too much on my wife here because this was my issues, and my action changed it. That said I cannot stress enough how dramatic the change has been. My lack of congruence was tearing this woman apart. The negative effects were profound. She has gone from barely functioning to fun bubbly and happy. She can now enjoy my gifts of time and attention fully because they are real and true. That’s obvious now because it’s been tested and passed. The change I made was simple but not easy. All it took was becoming honest and congruent. But becoming that meant rewiring my brain and updating my mental models from the ground up. **My congruence is her mental health.** The way of the superior man taught me the good and bad news. The bad news your excellent track record means nothing to your woman. The good news; your terrible track record means just as little. Rapid change is possible. Consistency is key motherfuckers.",,102,The_Red_Letters,2021-11-12 16:19:43 marriedredpill,qq60zw,Why field reports are important.,"The field report, the most important part of this place, aside from actions. I'm writing this because I learned it, and others are having trouble — or seem to be — and I've always thought of this place as take a penny, leave a penny. Here's my 0.02 #####Why write a field report? The main reason is because writing and thinking act in synergy. My brain handwaves a lot of details away and offers me the feeling of completion. I can think and meditate and ponder and navel gaze all day and still not understand things any clearer. Writing makes it permanent, it removes my ego from the equation. There's a reason Roissy was considered one of the 3 guys who epitomize red pill, it's because he was talking to himself through his blog. Notice he didn't put his height and weight, he didn't put his girls age, his lifts or any of that in his posts, he put the things he did into writing. You can't bullshit yourself when you write it down. Well you can, I did, others did; but it's obvious to anyone reading it that it's bullshit. Details that are important are missing, details that are insignificant are done with amazing detail. The protagonist in a field report is representative of who is wearing the pants, or who has the frame in whatever happened. This is why the mod team are adamant about I statements and she statements. It's because defining my thoughts through the I pronoun forces me to think about things from my perspective. The she pronoun is reactive, supplicative, validation seeking. Most guys miss the point, and thats ok. Long as they get there they get there. I got there and I ain't special, I'm sure others will eventually. Then again, how many guys have I seen here that don't get it. [Alpha As Wolf](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/40j5c5/the_alpha_chihuahua_a_retrospective/), that Will88 guy, the [husband of vampiresquid](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/3spbff/wife_needing_advice/cwzrj20/?context=10000), [trudatness](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/4trngp/i_disowned_my_daughter_and_after_receiving_300/), and a hundred other names no one has ever heard of. They all have their stuff up here, and all made the same mistakes. They didn't focus on themselves, ignored the idea of [rational egoism](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/4duudk/why_youre_lost/). I don't know why, maybe they love their wives and daughters so much that they refuse to let go of the obvious covert contract: *If i do the right things, say the right things, then my family will love me and I'll have a problem free life.* Basic Glover. It's funny how there's almost 15 years of material on the redpill, from how to cheat to how to divorce well. From coming back from the brink of death to overcoming a drug addiction. From the 10 yard line of a suicide touchdown to Chad coming here because he can't brag about his exploits anywhere else. Still, the #1 thing guys cannot seem to internalize is the first book, first chapter on the sidebar. I think a part of it is a misuse of the field reports. There's a reason whinemoreplease used to say it was the only part of these subreddits worth a damn, and I agree ... if it's used correctly. When I would write mine, it was past tense. I chose an end state I wanted, took what I learned and applied it in achieving that end state. I don't want to suggest I was switched on and figured it out early, I'd say it was mostly luck, back then there wasn't a roadmap to go with other than Athol Kay, and that wasn't exactly inspiring. My second field report was OK, and I remember whinemoreplease asked me *""so you knew this was useless, why even bother to write it?""* **My response was:** *""Everything's already done, I'm not looking for advice. If it's beneficial, take it as a roadmap, if it was bad, a cautionary tale.""* The point was that it wasn't me seeking validation, I wasn't trying to brag about some alpha brah shit ... I wrote it down so I could see what I've done, and if my ego was hiding the obvious from me. I can think I'm awesome all fucking day, but when writing it down I can't polish a turd. After reading through hundreds of these field reports I've come to realize I was fairly quick, by MRP standards. I think 6 months, less than a year. I went hard, some would argue Rambo, but it worked for me. Could I have done it differently? Sure. I could have done it in a way that wasn't so jarring to my woman? I think that would be why it wouldn't have worked though. I was mad at the time, the military was my zero'ing out, and my only focus was on a expedient and profitable release (which they were) and to put myself into a position never to be taken advantage of or for granted again. Her feelings were secondary. I'm pretty [sure I did have to be an asshole](https://www.forums.red/p/TheRedPill/94436/yes_virginia_you_do_have_to_be_an_asshole). I was stubborn, self reflective and I wrote down a lot. when they boys here added me as a Mod, I saw their chit chat over it. /u/UeMcgil noticed that I wrote more stuff in here than anyone else, which flattered me. I wrote things down when I had something to reflect on, and it turns out you can remove childhood issues, codependent behavior, covert contracts and nice guy behavior after a lot of self reflection and action ... fast or slow. My favorite MAP on here was /u/the_litz. [It was 2 years of CSPAN level field reports](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/45wkr2/fr_the_main_event/). Boring, often misguided, a lot of mistakes, but always forward progress. If you're one of those guys (and most of you likely are) who have been doing this for a year and still have the same problems a brand new poster have, I suggest you go through his posting history, like a fucking school marm homework assignment. Because a simple statement like this: > The MRP tools gave me the courage to tell her, straight up in a calm and measured tone, ' I don't need you, I choose to have you in my life, you can stay, or go. Makes no difference to me' And realize this isn't repeating some catchy MRP talking point, or saying the right things to get the bros online to give him an attaboy. It's a guy who went from codependent pussy to a man with a mental point of origin in two years I believe. It wasn't a line, it was a description of reality. I wish I could put him into a box and wrap it with a bow beacuse I could give it to men for Christmas and retire a multi-millionaire, but I can't. No one can give that to anyone, a man has to take it for himself. I took it, Litz took it, so many other guys don't want to take it. All the 'lift fagget' and 'stop being a bitch' and 'I feel your pain' can't change that. I wrote this hoping I would be able to articulate why guys spin their wheels and get into ruts; ruts in marriage, ruts in MRP, ruts in life, etc. I still don't have an answer, other than they probably aren't thinking, are too attached to the comfortable things in their life (including wives and kids) and would rather be 'doing something, anything' than actually doing what is hard, but effective. There's no endorphins that come with Litz telling his wife she doesn't have a place in his new life. There's no dopamine with demoting your wife to plate. there's no rush when you realize that you married a dud. the Marriedredpill is like the marshmallow experiment, and everyone refuses to wait for the second marshmallow. I don't think it's fixable either. When this place was 5k members everyone was switched on, the good guys made progress and the piss poor guys were shown the door. there's 41k members now and the regression to the mean is real. I think I have a way to articulate it. Most guys are meant to be fodder for the herd, a few are meant to succeed in the ways that matter. A small amount of the latter had the bad fortune of being put into a situation where they ended up being fodder. For those small section of men, this place has value. I suppose the best way ahead is to come up with a system to keep the groups separated because if there's one thing I know, **it's to avoid the unhappy and the unlucky.** #####How to write a field report 1. Make it past tense. Do something, then reflect on how it could have been done on the field reports 2. Start with the goal. It does you no favors the brain dump your bullshit onto a post then ask 'did I Redpill right?' 3. If you don't see the answer in your post once you've written the last word of it, you're not reflecting well. 4. If you're not the protagonist to your own life story, you're the antagonist. Act accordingly 5. The guys who do the best the fastest take their wife out of the equation early. She's dead to you, fix yourself and then let her worry about winning you back 6. Seeking approval from this place is like asking the mentally handicapped to give you accolades for your calculus skills 7. The books on the sidebar are actually important. You only fuck yourself over by not just reading them, but understanding what they are there to accomplish 8. New posters put their lifts onto posts to show they are worth the time of day to help them as they get started. After a year, people know whether you are worth a damn or not. 9. Personal note: being OCD about reading stuff in here pays off. There are only maybe 6 different types of guys in here, and they all have the same types of problems. Read enough and it's like you're able to predict the future 10. Top 10 lists are gay.",,63,RStonePT,2021-11-09 15:25:08 marriedredpill,qq93ht,Field Report – Debrief after a Conversation with Horns,"I posted the following on OYS today: https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/qpzab0/own_your_shit_weekly_november_09_2021/hjxbevw/ Horns granted me the gift of his time today, dissecting the conversation from this OYS and provided a potential path forward that I know is there, but have not had the balls to pursue. For better or worse, the advice I received today, put onto this forum by Horns himself, would be a less funny version of watching the noobs play with his MRP Cheat Codes to Blow Up Your Sex Life. Instead, I will distill the advice myself, as a thank you to Horns and with the hope that men can use these notes (and my understanding of Horns’ conversation with me) to better your lives and relationship. In the beginning, you are just glad that you can STFU, and that leads to the hamster running like it does, and that gets your dick wet a bit, or a lot. And then you get past that point and you actually start valuing yourself and becoming your own mental point of origin. During this time, recognition of shit tests becomes kind of fun for a while. You feel like Neo in the Matrix, you see your wife’s emotions, projections, solipsistic tendencies from a mile away. And at first these things were like a 98 mph fastball and then they become more akin to a whiffle ball on a tee. And these are fun to hit out of the park and watch the hamster run, and watch your dick gets sucked while the hamster is in fucking overdrive. And it is really fun 10 times and quite fun another 10 times and fun another 10 times and then kinda fun and then you realize you are playing a game you don’t fucking want to play. You don’t want the fucking batshit crazy lunacy of a woman who doesn’t know her place in your life or how to keep you or what to do to enter into the submissive mode she has wanted her entire life but has instead had to put up boundaries against due to your inability to be a fucking man for years, not to mention all the other shit that forces a woman to default to cunty harpy mode. So you realize the game isn’t fun, regardless of how much you are getting your dick sucked. You realize that getting your dick sucked isn’t worth it, because it isn’t the fucking endgame. It never was. The inability to get your dick wet was just a symptom of what was actually wrong, which is you. And when you get far enough in fixing you, you understand that getting to the point where your wife will be fucking crazy but will also suck your dick is not what you actually want in life. That the wet dick isn’t just not the end game, but it isn’t even worth it. You don’t need to deal with this shit. That you can get your dick sucked without having to deal with a crazy wife who doesn’t know how to be submissive, or add value, or not be fucking crazy. The juice isn’t worth the squeeze. And not only that, you get fucking angry because you know that neither of you need to be playing this game. Because you have a vision, you have the competence, and you have the abundance to not deal with it. And you realize deep down that your kids will be OK, you will be ok, and in fact, things will probably be a lot better than OK, because you can handle all your shit just fine, get your dick wet just fine, be a great dad just fine, without playing the fucking game. And when you get to that point, and you get angry enough about it that none of the logistical shit matters; not the kids, not the wife, and not the current pussy that you are getting. And that. That is when you can look your wife in the eye after she comes home crying that she can’t handle it anymore [just a mere fucking hour after Horns gifts you the balls you weren’t quite sure you had yourself] and asks, “do you love me?” And you can answer her with absolute conviction, and maybe just a hint (or more) of anger, and give her the first genuine thing you’ve probably ever given anybody since you started on MRP. And for me, that was simply telling my wife: “I do love you. But what I need in my life is a woman that can be vulnerable. To be herself with me without fear of reprisal or judgment. And I will have that in my life. And if that isn’t with you, that is OK. Because I don’t need you. That doesn’t mean I don’t want you. I want to kick life’s ass with you by my side. I’ve chosen you. And I’ve done that because I know you are capable of being for me what I need. I know you think you don’t know how to do that because your whole life you’ve dealt with the bullshit from everyone that made those walls come up and that fear of giving in too much. But I know you have it in you. And if you don’t, that is OK because the vision I have for my life will be realized, with or without you. Do you want in?” For the vets, I don’t think I need to write down what the reaction to this speech was. In some ways, it doesn’t even matter. But the OYS 1-10 guys would be pumped to hear it.",,28,AlphalfaSprout,2021-11-09 17:47:51 marriedredpill,qpzab0,"Own Your Shit Weekly - November 09, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,18,AutoModerator,2021-11-09 08:30:11 marriedredpill,qo7jta,"Field Report: Horn's Cheat Codes: Dom 2 Beg, Var Beg 15","Stats: late thirties, 6’, 182 lbs, BF 17% (calipers). Married. Multiple children. Weights on track. &#x200B; **Field Report: Horn's Cheat Codes: Dominance 2, beginner; Variety 15, beginner.** &#x200B; I was called out in a recent [OYS](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/qkzq1y/comment/hizvy4o/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) for being afraid to go all in on [Horn's Cheat Codes](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/pymw1k/hornsofapathys_mrp_cheat_codes_to_blow_up_your/). I have a lot of people in my career field that constantly throw validation and praise my way. In this space, having the tools/practices available and being called on my bullshit and fear was one of the greatest gifts I received. &#x200B; I hamstered over and over on Tuesday and Wednesday, letting my fear take over me. On Thursday, I was able to channel that fear into anger/aggressive energy. In words that I have trouble putting down, it literally felt like energy was just pulsing out of me from my core. Maybe my balls dropped, or maybe I was just built up. But this energy was absolutely present. I got in my car to leave work. After a few minutes, I pulled over, and sent a text. ""I'm running some errands after work. I want you on your knees tonight, wearing those multicolored yoga pants with your hair up."" &#x200B; When I got home, it was a typical after work/after school situation. Kids are getting off of the bus, younger kids are either napping or yapping, and my wife is doing a few small tasks for our businesses. Some small talk, but I had a few things I needed to get done. Not to get too stereotypical alpha here, but there was a sense in me that I needed to let this build up even more. &#x200B; Activities, dinner, etc. 8pm hits, and it's the older fours' bedtime. We get them tucked in. The two-year-old stays up for about another hour, so I go downstairs and make her a snack plate and put on her favorite show. My wife then comes downstairs, and starts to make herself some popcorn and pour a glass of wine. Up until this point, I've only hard initiated for sex after 11pm. That was my initial plan; go up to bed later, tell her to put the pants on, and blow me. At this point, I didn't want to wait anymore. &#x200B; Now, I don't you don't give a shit about my wife, nor should you, but she's a typical SAHM. At night, it's wine-o-clock with some sort of snack that she looks forward to. She's very fit, but she has a hard boundary about people taking her food. She does not share snacks with the kids, me, anyone. So she sits down with her wine and popcorn and starts studying a text for a project she's involved in. And she's eating this bag of Smartpop one. piece. at. a. time. But I'm at the point where I'm near bursting at my seams. And I asked myself, ""are you such a pussy that you're going to let a bag of popcorn stand in the way?"" It's 8:30pm. I was done waiting. &#x200B; So, I went all in. I took her bag of popcorn. And I stood right over her, stared her down, and ate the whole damn bag without saying a word and without ever taking my eyes away from her. [And I just mentally pushed myself into her as hard as I possibly could.](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/gq2d5d/when_was_the_last_time_you_fucked_your_woman/) I don't have any words for how this works, I just did it. I then told her to stand up, and then I carried her upstairs into the bedroom. Locked the door. I didn't want her on her knees anymore. I bent her over the bed, ripped her pants off, and took what I wanted and gave her what she needed. Didn't say a word besides ""stand up."" &#x200B; Prior to this day, I've had awful experiences with not lasting long. I've used sprays and creams, trying some of the David Deida breathing exercises, adjusting angles, switching positions, anything to get a few extra seconds, but I usually just get worked up about performance anxiety and finish in minutes or even seconds. In this instance, for the first time in a while, I had to make an effort to finish. I'm going to say the word ""energy"" again to rival the ""she"" statements, but this was on another level. I was both in that moment yet outside of all of the bullshit in my head. For a minute, I even thought about not finishing after her orgasm but changed my mind. Afterward, provided some aftercare, and told her to come downstairs and watch a movie with me. The response was an ""OK"" in the sweetest, girliest voice I've heard in a while. I should have then told her to make us some popcorn, but didn’t think of that until later. Reset the next day. Today, she's wearing the yoga pants I told her to wear on Thursday. &#x200B; I could end this report by saying ""Don't care, got popcorn,"" but in reality, I had some fear that could only be encountered with action. It could have happened a lot sooner. And I realized any road blocks are bullshit. *Normally* sex wasn't happening until after 11pm...until it did. *Normally* she cared about the kids hearing us...until she didn't. Regardless of the outcome, I got better, and I'm standing in my own way a little bit less.",,48,[deleted],2021-11-06 19:37:12 marriedredpill,qkzq1y,"Own Your Shit Weekly - November 02, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,17,AutoModerator,2021-11-02 08:30:18 marriedredpill,qignby,Weak Things Break,"Whenever I get the urge to read through OYS or the AMRP sub, I inevitably find the post where a guy puts some version of ""I tweaked my back/arm/leg/ or any other extremity"" so I am going to take time off from this lift or that lift. I have only one thought. This guy’s ego is in the way. Weak things break afterall. There is a difference between discomfort and pain. While everyone’s tolerance for pain is different, your ego can and does get in the way. Failing a lift can be ego damaging. In my last meet couple weeks ago I failed my third deadlift. I just gassed out. Immediately as I walked off the platform my ego started in. It was giving me all the reasons why I didn’t get it. I knew the real reason. My work capacity sucks. It was a 12 hour day at the meet and by the end I was just done. I even remember my coach poking me in the chest and saying exactly what I knew. Then he added. “We’ll fix it by March.” Side note: he's lived up to that promise. So check yourself. Make sure your ego isn’t talking. Did you really try to make a 285 deadlift and fail or is it really pain from damage or is just a minor injury you can work through and around? Did you listen your ego and have an excuse for a failed progression in your lifts and marked it as “I hurt myself”. Your injuries can tell you a lot where you are weak. Where you need to improve. She turn you down again? Where was your failure? What were your weak points during the day or days leading to this moment? Or was it just that she’s low libido? Weak things break. This is the same mindset that lets you walk off the gym floor because your man parts hurt is what another guy will write about how he was turned down for sex then asks about monk mode. Should he go and pout in the corner? Honestly, it’s not his fault. His wife is just a pain in the ass, she’s a feminist anyhow, or never had a father figure...insert any reason here. He just needs to take a week or two and go back to reading all the books again. He should get focused and stop thinking about sex all the time. Guys like this think up every reason except for what will fix the issue. Instead of getting back into the mix and working through the discomfort. Train through the injury. Learn from it, improve your weaknesses, develop an action plan. Then hit it and get it. But…. Weak things break. I firmly believe in training through injuries. Sure some jagweed is going to lecture me on being healthy blah blah blah. Here’s a protein bar and STFU. Here’s the thing. Only YOU can judge if the injury is that bad. If it is that bad then you had better have an action plan to address it. If it is pain a doc/PT should be involved. That’s how I really know. Where they just say…injured like they hung up a gone fishin’ sign. You can see through my post history of injuries I have sustained in training and ways I have pushed through to continue competing and meeting goals. This is no different than anything else. No one cares about your injuries. u/HornsofApathy isn’t going to come to your house and kiss you lower back to make it better. u/RStonePT isn’t going to mail you magic fairy dust and make it all go away. No one cares. Weak. Things. Break. So get over your ego. Don’t let anything stop from achieving what it is you want. You can sit here in the dirt crying about how much she is a bitch, your back hurts, your family busts your balls, how the world is just against men. Or you can realize it was your fault all along. Your ego lead you here. You let it. You listened to them say you couldn’t and you didn’t. You fulfilled the prophesy. It’s not fuck them. It’s Fuck you. Fuck you for listening. Fuck you for letting all these things in your life happen, for giving up on yourself. And fuck that bar. Are you going to let it prove to you that weak things break? Or are you going to lift that mother fucker? Trust me. You can lift it.",,61,ReddJive,2021-10-29 16:28:11 marriedredpill,qg1wav,"Own Your Shit Weekly - October 26, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,18,AutoModerator,2021-10-26 08:30:17 marriedredpill,qfrxak,Who Am I? What Am I?,"This is another hack/field report mashup. I'm sharing as a gift because it has seriously helped me on several occasions, and I frequently find in reading OYSes and comments other men here who might profit from it. *""Who am I?"" ""What am I?""* If you're here, you've been asking yourself this with increasing urgency, or you you soon will. When you see the matrix, you feel a sense of loss ... of status, of identity, of self. The loss is certainly angering for most of us for awhile. You've invested so much time and effort in making yourself appear a certain way (good dad, husband, productive member of society, etc.) in the matrix, but it all means jack shit in absolute reality. You're angry at lost time and effort. But, at least you now know and can do something about it. So, you feel liberated and invigorated. You're a blank canvas now! What shall you paint? You start putting sketches down. Some are really cool and fun. Others are kind of crude imitations of things you've seen. But you feel a bit fake in all of them ... like you're LARPing with this ""new"" self you're authoring into existence. What is this feeling? Is it incongruity? Inauthenticity? Well, if all I've ever been is the lie of the matrix that I've rejected, what am I incongruent *with*? What is the *authentic* me? These are maddening fucking questions. So, you turn here to MRP, only to be met with token responses of ""be congruent"", ""calibrate"", ""keep looking"", ""stop LARPing"", ""stop lying to yourself"" etc. No one dismisses the importance of the questions, but no one really has any actionable advice or answers other than to persist. Why? I don't know. What I know for myself is that these maddening questions are also the threshold to the most centering and invigorating forces in my life. When I probe them and work with them, it teases out all of the joys and challenges in my life. Every pain is a bit sharper, every sweet is a bit sweeter, every color is a bit more vivid. Life kind of pops. I've had episodes of this in life before and during my MRP journey, and prior to my MRP journey I always thought they were chance encounters where some unknown cause would trigger them and I could ride the wave as long as they'd last, if I could be so lucky. But during my first winter of MRP, and studying some of the psychological theories on which some of the sidebar materials were built, I did find a hack I have used with varying degrees of success to return me to this. Last week I had the occasion to do it and it reminded of the gift it is in my life, which I'm sharing now. The hack is a simple meditation loop. To do it, get a piece of paper. You're going to write three questions. At the top, write question A: ""What am I?"" About one-third of the way down, write question B: ""What more am I that is not (A)?"" And about two-thirds of the way down, write question C: ""How do I know?"" Get somewhere quiet, taking with you a pen and this piece of paper. Give yourself plenty of time. Twenty minutes is not too long. Ask yourself question A, and answer with simplicity and honesty. Wait until you can feel the answer in your bones. Seriously. This is really important. Wait until your body settles (you should be able to feel it) on the answer before you give it. For me, the feeling is the feeling I get right after I get goosebumps. It's like a body-wide relaxation - just a very settled and sure feeling. For this first round, the answer should be very concrete and easy- e.g., ""What am I? *A dad.*"" Write the answer under the question A prompt, then move to question B. Now, before you ask yourself question B, say to yourself ""Is (answer to question A) \[i.e., ""a dad""\] all I think I am?"" Wait again for your feeling in your body to answer this with ""Of course not"" or something similar. Then ask yourself ""Aren't I more than (answer to question A)?"" Again, wait for your body to feel the answer of ""Of course I'm something more"" or the like. Then, ask question B: ""Well then, what more am I that is not (A)?"" This time, try to feel a sense of exploration, curiosity, and inquisitiveness. Try to be a seeker here. You can flip through several ideas, but don't rest upon an answer until you feel that feeling in your body. When you have that answer, write it down under question B - e.g., ""What more am I that is not a dad? *A philosopher.*"" Then, ask question C: ""How do I know?"" and wait for you body to acknowledge the answer, and write it down: ""*Existence itself is a wonder to me.*"" At this point, notice how positive you feel about yourself. Notice how you are giving yourself your sole attention and love. And notice too that you feel like you're learning something new, but also that it feels very familiar (an extremely satisfying sensation, I think). Hopefully, this should be really invigorating to you. If you wish to go further (and I suggest you do) simply repeat the loop back at question A for as long as this satisfaction in the process endures. Don't be afraid to get weird and vividly figurative and metaphorical with your answers. See the lights. Feel the cold or the warmth. Taste the tastes. Smell the smells. Just be sure that your answers are honest and you can feel them in your body when you give them. That's how you know you can write them down. When you've done several cycles, you'll see an amazing trail of breadcrumbs on your paper - ""*philosopher*"" to ""*ant enjoying a sunny day on a log*"" to ""*a vast warm ocean teaming with life within*"". Afterward, keep the paper if you want to compare to it later or just pitch it, knowing you always have the ability to sit down and find the answer another time. I like to conclude on a really vivid scene and call that scene to mind throughout the following days and weeks. As long as you are really waiting on that feeling you get in your body, your loop will probably very different every time you do it (but don't fret if it gets repetitive). And you will demonstrate to yourself that you are always far more than you can comprehend. And that's a good thing, because you'll never be bored or stop growing through exploration of yourself. And it will be you (and no one else) who is supplying the answers to the questions of ""Who am I? What am I?"" *Postscript:* Blarg rightly pointed out that I failed to make the connections to the sidebar material explicit. Here's a key: - ***Mental Point of Origin:*** Dudes around here are all dealing with an ego that's been a coping mechanism of trying to cram the square peg of their masculinity into the round hole of the Disney fantasy. Their sense of self has been dominated by the identities they have internalized after being foisted upon them by others. A man becomes defined by his utility to others. An exercise like this is for actually and directly taking action against that, and instead start trying to use your own powers of perception and experience to form your own sense of self that serves your own desires and interests. For me, this exercise focuses my consciousness on what I enjoy doing and what I want for myself and my world, as opposed to what is expected of me by others. - ***Self-Validation & Abundance:*** Chad likes Chad for who Chad is, without apology. Chad doesn't have a bunch of other people's concepts interfering with Chad's evaluation of himself. If Chad doesn't like something about Chad, then Chad either changes that thing or starts liking it. Chad won't tolerate living with his shitty self. Chad has a deep well of love and validation for himself. He knows how to get to that well quickly and goes often. Chad doesn't need it from anyone else; he's flooded with it. Most MRP tards think it's DNGAF, but it's really abundance. If a tard is looking to results in the world as his sole measuring stick, he's just becoming outcome dependent and subject to all the frames gatekeeping those outcomes. But if Chad can play in the world of outcomes always knowing his real needs will always be met with the well of abundant self-love he has, Chad is invincible. The only way to use such a well, is to get familiar with where it is and how to draw from it. That's what this exercise does for me. - ***Mission:*** Most MRP tards' missions are still just adopted roles imposed on them by the matrix - it's all they've ever known. Their missions aren't really for them in particular. They are roles to be played. Without a deeply-felt sense of self, they can't really identify their mission if it ever occurs to them. And they don't know enough about themselves to ignore calls to missions that aren't for them. This exercise helps me break through those periods that TWOTSM mentions where the mission seems to have been wrong, or become stale, or where I seem to be outgrowing it, but unsure of what's next.",,28,[deleted],2021-10-25 22:18:35 marriedredpill,qercvv,Own your shit isn't her autobiography,"[Whinemoreplease posted something to Twitter and I had to see it for myself.](https://twitter.com/whinemoreplease/status/1450554373508059144?s=20) Oh sweet Jesus... What the fuck **[33M/32F](https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/qb75xp/own_your_shit_weekly_october_19_2021/hh85isi/)** > I gave my wife papers last week. It was not well received. The last few days were an emotional tumult. The upshot is that she is refusing to sign anything but she'll reconsider if we try counseling. That seems cheaper and easier than a lawyer battle so I'm getting a counselor to do a few sessions. I think she realized that her life goals aren't achievable without my support (or another beta bux), so her best option is to try to keep me around. There is very little incentive for her to sign, and she has everything to lose by signing. It's going to come down to me making it clear that the life/lifestyle she had isn't coming back. I read this whole field report, and I learned nothing, nothing about this man, other than the same regurgitated lift numbers. I know his wife is: * a horse girl * getting divorced * emotionally distraught * Shes semi pro * she has a vision to be a world champion or something * shes protestant * his job isn't good enough to pay for all this; and in his words * I don't ride, personally, just do about an hour or two of stall cleaning to help her out. I'm not saying lifting isn't important, I'm saying a man is more than his lifts. Own your shit. The guy isn't even a factor in his field report. Why did /u/red_koan even come here, why not send his wife to write this shit out? We haven't had a VampireSquidina-like account come in and start Karen-ing shit up in a while. The only thing I know about him is he's her stable boy and sugar daddy. And it's not just one guy: [> Wife late thirties, together > 10 years, 2 kids one preschooler and one toddler](https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/qb75xp/own_your_shit_weekly_october_19_2021/hh7ndpf/) [36, ... wife 30 105lbs](https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/qb75xp/own_your_shit_weekly_october_19_2021/hh8n8bh/) Why the fuck do I care about your wife, or anyones wife in here? I get it's not everyone, but it's still a lot of people. It's fucking weird how fast the *Hunter Drew School of Do it For Her* has seeped into here. Meanwhile the field reports are a ton of future tense bullshit: > I need to do X and I need to do Y Asshole. To own is present tense, not a future tense. dafuk did you do, what are you trying to do, and how well did action and intent match? All the work is in pinging ideas off of other guys to close that gap. It's not about treating your wife like a swiss watch, a puzzle to be figured out. It sure as shit isn't about writing her auto biography. /r/stupidslutsclub tells much better stories anyways. It's not about making this the He Man Woman Haters Club either: In those field reports are covert contracts, nice guy behaiour, and basic bitch mistakes. Lifting numbers don't hide that. When I see shit like OWS #43 followed up with a Chapter one Robert Glover style fuckup it shows me someone has wasted an entire year, a fucking year, on playing with his dick and calling it alpha. Guys, you are getting closer to death every day, life is too short to accomplish nothing. To those who this doesn't apply to, you don't have to post below about how this doesn't apply to you. Let it lie. For the rest of you guys, stop posting the cooking cutter MRP template hoping that you'll come out the other end like some kind of god among men... Married and Red Pilled isn't about a checklist to meet the ideal, it's about you solving problems surrounding sex, relationships, and eventually, a vision for your future. Get it through your thick skull. Nothing in here is about her, no one cares what she does or what she thinks or how she feels. This isn't a place to stave off divorce rape. This is about fixing you, full stop.",,78,RStonePT,2021-10-24 12:38:37 marriedredpill,qb0jvv,MRP is not an identity,"Too many people find this place and embrace it as their new identity. A ‘Red Pilled’ man. They feel special, as they are now part of a group. They think they ‘know things’ that most average guys don’t, and this knowledge makes them somehow better than the average guy. It’s all bullshit. Every time I see the term ‘red pilled’, ‘alpha’ and all the other catch phrases thrown around, I cringe internally. Everyone is trying to find a nice little box to place themselves in and derive their identify from that. I was ‘blue pilled’, I ‘swallowed the pill’ and now I’m working towards becoming a ‘red pilled man’. I believe Rian calls them container words. I call them ‘dumb concepts that people grab on to, with the intent of trying to fit themselves in neat little boxes (that they define themselves) because its warm and comfy in there’, but that doesn’t have the same ring to it. You are not ‘red pilled’. You are a guy that read some shit online and took it hyper-literally and now you feel proud of yourself for it. MRP is not some special group that you’re part of. It’s a place where a bunch of notes have been traded around for a few years and refined into a sidebar where you can read what other guys have done in the past. Knowing the MRP sidebar doesn’t make you ‘better’ than anyone. Belonging to a group of internet retards only makes you retarded. If you feel good because you got flair, or upvotes on your OYS or whatever it is - you’re falling into the trap. Stop doing that shit. It doesn’t matter. Stop role playing as a red-pilled man and start figuring out who you want to be. I’ll give you a hot tip. You don’t want to be me. You don’t want to be Horns, Blarg, MITW, Tyred, or WNS. You might think that’s what you want, but that just means you have no idea who you are. The point of this place is for you to figure out what you want, not for us to tell you who to be. This isn’t a factory where we take normal guys and churn out ‘red pilled men’. It’s a place where a bunch of guys have tried some stuff, some of it worked for them, some of it didn’t. It’s on you to figure out what works for you, and how that fits into what you want.",,127,threekindsoflucky,2021-10-19 01:09:41 marriedredpill,qb75xp,"Own Your Shit Weekly - October 19, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,18,AutoModerator,2021-10-19 08:30:11 marriedredpill,q8rzv9,Replacing Apology with Appreciation,"This is a mashup of a field report and hack/cheatcode. I'm working on recapturing some pre-MRP vulnerability without all the fucked-up neediness of my pre-MRP self. This is me coaching myself (""you"" here is ""me""). I'm sharing because ... well, that's just how this place works. ***If you're nice-guying,*** your apologies suck because they're manipulative and insincere. Worse, your apologies undermine you because they train people to treat you like a doormat. You feel blame and contempt from someone. It stresses you out. So, to relieve the stress, you cower and supplicate. You overdo it, because you want to give yourself a forced feeling of shame rather than deal with either the confrontation of standing up for what you're blamed with or the accuracy of the flaw that the blame has identified. Because those are the things that matter, and your apology is avoiding those things, it's insincere. And because you supplicate to do it, you reinforce to yourself and others that you need a master - and there's no shortage of people lining up to fill that role. (I haven't done this in a very long while, but I used to. And you can see this commonly in OYS and in the wild.) ***If you're lone-wolfing,*** your apologies suck because they don't exist. You've figured out how to control emotions. And you've developed the mental fortitude to stop fucking yourself by nice-guying. Criticism comes your way, so you internally DNGAF, and you externally STFU. You pat yourself on the back for your mental fortitude, rinse, and repeat. Problem is, you probably do this for everyone anytime, not distinguishing people and relationships which are valuable to you. You don't give *any* fucks and think that's fine. But you fail to give the *single* fuck about the value that person or relationship gives you, and this undermines you just as badly as nice-guying (or perhaps worse, because you're mostly blind to it). (I have spent the last several weeks here, I think.) Remember, the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. Lone-wolfing projects indifference, which will be returned to you. Your influence and power will wane and disappear as people continue to refrain from investing the attention of criticism toward you. You lose crucial data points about how you're coming off, and you end up in a lonely spot with just your shitty ego and yourself, rather than growing and thriving as the social animal that you are. So, what can be done? How does someone like you who is bad at taking criticism get good at it? Well, try a hack from *Atomic Habits*, which advises that whenever you want to cease an undesirable or unuseful behavior, you don't merely tell yourself to stop doing it; rather, you replace it with a desirable and useful behavior. So, here, replace your shitty apology with genuine appreciation. Criticism is a gift of another's attention. Like all gifts, it can come in varying degrees of value or worthlessness. When someone takes the time to criticize you, they are spending their time and attention, and maybe even some relational, political, or social capital in doing so - i.e., risk. If this is a person who knows the shit they're criticizing you about, or if this is a relationship which is useful to you, you're a fool to respond to it with indifference, as that just communicates you can't appreciate value in valuable things. And if that's the case, then why would a prudent investor further invest their gifts in you? So, with these people and relationships you value, you need to communicate your appreciation of the gift. How? Well, start by acknowledging the perceptiveness of the criticism. (""Hey, you know I wasn't seeing that, but it's true."") Then, acknowledge that the criticism is useful to you. (""What you pointed out has definitely been a thorn in my side, and it's really helpful to have your perspective on that."") Then communicate that you are accepting the gift and are using it. (""You know, your comment really got me thinking ...."") You don't need to pour your soul out. Just give a flavor for what you're doing with it. Finally, acknowledge the value that this person (not just the criticism itself) brings to your life. (""I'm lucky to have you."") Think of it as WISNIFG negative assertion, but with the twist of coming from a place of genuine appreciation (not merely a hollow technique to disarm a critic and protect yourself). That is, be actually vulnerable. Obviously, if you've actually and significantly hurt someone you value, and you're contrite, then you should own it \[1\] and a full-on sincere apology probably needs to be given too, and you need to fix whatever can be fixed and move on without wallowing. And obviously, if you don't really value the person or the relationship, ~~there's nothing lost in going ahead and giving a hollow and simple apology (""sorry about that"") just to~~ you should at least be sure to cover the common decency front. \[1\] I know, I know. Simple and basic AF. Retarded even. But hey, if you really care about unfucking yourself, you're willing to go a bit retard. [But never go full retard](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6WHBO_Qc-Q). Edit: \[1\] *See* u/rocknrollchuck's comment below for good advice on this. \[2\] I need to publicly credit u/hornsofapathy for his recent gift of criticism and modeling congruent vulnerability.",,49,[deleted],2021-10-15 16:26:47 marriedredpill,q6hkfh,"Own Your Shit Weekly - October 12, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,19,AutoModerator,2021-10-12 08:30:16 marriedredpill,q6a7v3,MarriedRedPill Updated Flair Guidelines,"MRP over the years has had steady growth, but thankfully not exponential growth. In case it's not clear, we aren't here to save every man. With over 40K men coming here to read and share notes, the moderator team will be adding a strict set of flair to help identify where men are in their journey. Let's get to why at the end. And by the way, flair doesn't mean shit. &#x200B; **Unflaired:** Unflaired comments should be viewed with great suspicion. Unflaired original posts will be **very strictly moderated**. **Grinding:** When a man has discovered MRP, is able to see the matrix and is in the beginning stages of his journey, having read most of the sidebar and is working hard to internalize this through **ACTION**, a Moderator at their discretion may award this flair. This flair is usually not awarded until a few months of reliable OYS post history. Posts made by grinding users (that do not belong in /r/askmrp) will be **strictly moderated.** **Unplugging:** When it is confirmed the user has successfully ""unplugged"" from the matrix and has at the very least understood how the matrix works from reading the sidebar, is making significant progress to unplug himself from problematic ways of his old life, and is providing quality posts and obviously making a real effort to understand and contribute, a Moderator can assign this flair. Men who have unplugged and are continually adding value to the sub should quickly move into MRP Approved. Posts made by unplugging users (that do not belong in /r/askmrp) will be **somewhat moderated.** **MRP APPROVED:** is the gold standard indicating a user who has successfully made the journey, read (and understands) the sidebar, may not always be right, but most of the time they are reliably Red Pill and trustworthy. Users with MRP APPROVED flair will not need much if any moderation attention. There is a broad range of MRP APPROVED Flair holders, some very exceptional, some with some residual purple pill leanings who are still otherwise very high quality, and some who are merely reliably Red Pill and trustworthy with consistently good advice and/or several high quality posts. **MRP Approved users may also lobby the moderator team with reason to change a user's flair or have them banned, permanently.** &#x200B; Modifiers to the flair categories are assigned as moderators see fit. Examples include: * Married * Single * LTR * HardCore Red * Divorced * 60 DOD * etc. &#x200B; **Why** the change? We're going back to rule zero. It's simple. As our sub has grown, men at the upper levels of the journey have been giving advice to those at the beginning or intermediate stages of their journey that is too far reaching and causes mental masturbation with in-action and inhibits progress. The goal is to **identify where users are in their journey quickly and tailor that advice to them** so that they are not lost in the upper levels of the game and can make real progress to unplug, recalibrate, and grind their way to a better life for themselves. Assignment of flair will begin now and will take some time to moderate, but be patient as the moderator team works through this and takes effort to make flair decisions moving forward. &#x200B; *Edit: Previous versions of this flair guideline had Grinding & Unplugging flipped in order. After discussion with the moderator team the decision was made to move the progression to Unflaired Retard > Grinding > Unplugging > MRP Approved*",,21,HornsOfApathy,2021-10-12 00:50:32 marriedredpill,q298xy,Doing things is better than not doing things,"This is a simple post from a simple man. If you’re wondering why you’re struggling to progress, the answer is likely simple. You aren’t doing anything different. You can spend months thinking about things. Talking about things. You can even call it ‘focusing on mental models’ or ‘frame’ or whatever you like. Congratulations, you're probably wasting your time. If you want things to change, then you have to change things. Sounds straight forward right? Well, plenty of you are happy thinking about changing things. Talking about changing things. But there’s no action. ""But why aren't things changing?"" Because you're doing the same things and expecting different outcomes. Now, I’m not a deep, philosophical thinker. What I’ve experienced is that unless your actions change, nothing changes. You have to do things differently to get different results. It’s almost as if, action is where the work is. And not just the same dumb actions you’ve done in the past. MRP is a (sigh) toolbox. But you'll never know what works unless you, I dunno... start swinging a hammer about and see what happens. And guess what? That means taking a risk. Action is risky. ""But 3KL, it might not work out how I want it to!"". Well, what you're doing now isn't working for you. So would you prefer to keep sucking? The whole process is so dead simple that even I can understand it. You already ‘do’ a bunch of things. The idea is to try a bunch of new things. You check to see whether it had the expected outcome. You calibrate. Then you either add that to the pile of ‘things I can do that add value to my life’, or you discard it as not working for you. Do that enough, and you’ll have a pile of new actions. Actions that work for you, rather than against you. Then you burn off all the old shit that no longer provides value to you, and you keep the actions that add value. That's how people change. They 'do things differently'. You're not gonna think your way into change. And there you have it, that’s the whole MRP in a few words. It's simple, but it's not easy. That's why most men won't do it. Its why OYS is filled with people 'thinking, reflecting, working on mental models, building frame'. Some of those things have a place. But action comes first. Now go forth and fucking try to do something differently. What have you got to lose?",,100,threekindsoflucky,2021-10-06 00:23:25 marriedredpill,q1s5jj,"Own Your Shit Weekly - October 05, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,17,AutoModerator,2021-10-05 08:30:13 marriedredpill,pzbowu,FR - Horn's Cheat Codes,"&#x200B; *\*The following is not meant to be a recommendation or specific advice and is being distributed for informational purposes only. The author is every bit as tardy as the worst of you and is just throwing spaghetti and cum at the wall to see what sticks. Past performance does not guarantee future results.* Stats: 37, Married 10 yrs, 5’9” 173lbs, 16.973% bf, (previously at 224lbs), 175x5bp 185x5sq 275x6dl This [awesome post by HOA](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/pymw1k/hornsofapathys_mrp_cheat_codes_to_blow_up_your/) came up yesterday at the perfect time. I’m on OYS 33, been here every week since the beginning of March. My progress has been what reading has led me to expect; slower than I’d like, directly related to my behavior, and always lagging behind with spurts of leaps forward. Last Sunday concluded what I think was a 3 week streak of sex every other day. On Tuesday I got my first rejection in a while with, “I can feel another yeast infection starting up”. This has been something I’ve dealt with almost every month for a while. “How about a blow job?” was offered. This was just fine but I get disappointed and insecure in these moments about the lack of access to her body which is connected to when I came here and things like fingering her or giver her oral were No NEVER activities. I tried initiating sex on Wednesday after her prescription got started but still no. On Thursday (because I start to get real obsessed after a rejection or two) I read horns post and thought, fuck yea, lets fire away. Before even reading that, I anticipated that my next initiation would get rejected for sex but wanted to branch out of just getting a bj. I had started to compile in my head a hierarchy of activities I was going to go for during my next initiation. 1. Pound town missionary intercourse 2. Spanking her bare ass as foreplay 3. Permasati yoga (don’t really know what this is but saw it done by Connor Murphy, someone who is referenced in Steele’s guide) 4. Exchanging full body massages including a bj and eating out her butthole I was already behaving selfish and captain-ey that day. She gave me a list of all the chores she was going to knock out and I asked her to add some loads of laundry to it. I was supposed to go to Costco but explained I wouldn’t make it until that evening because I was going to take a longer lunch to go fill up a bear bait. When she offered to go instead, I sent her a list with crotchless panties on it. She responded later, lol but this was a no go with her yeast infection. (don’t know why, fresh air wouldn’t hurt) Later I got a text asking to come help unload the groceries (my office is real close to my house). I said I can’t right now, I can offer you this meme instead and [sent her this](https://imgur.com/OUjcG6l). I got zero response. Nothing for a couple hours which is unusual and it took everything I have to not inquire or DEER that it was just a funny thought. Came home that evening and acted normal. I kino’ed a very little bit, I try to be cautious not to let this slip into handsy grabby neediness. Because she can see my initiations coming, she asked if I’d prefer some alone time tonight or a morning bj. I always say ""both"" and when that's denied, I go to right now/tonight. Kids go to bed and after some kissing she brings up no sex cus of yeast. (I do feel for her. It actually developed on my dick earlier this year and it’s a FUCKING awful situation). No's came to everything on my list. Eating her bottom and spanking her were both a “probably sometime”. We started to get into makeout + bj mode and I got lots of ‘don’t touch me flack’. Not below the waist, don’t kiss my neck, etc. Trying as hard as I could to not act frustrated about it, I eventually laid back and instructed her (playfully) to get in charge and do her thing to me since she’s essentially got nothing for me to do. The mood in the air gradually changed from kinda contentious and forced to very relaxed and enjoyable. After things got hotter, I got up, told her to stay put and kneeled right up in front of her face. I put one hand on the headboard and the other on the back of her head. I told her I was going to slide in and out of her mouth and she needed to tell me if it got to be too much. I wouldn’t say I face fucked her. I never went all the way to the hilt. I penetrated her mouth in and out very slowly at first and gradually ramped up the speed and ferocity. I believe now, I could've done fine getting a lot more extreme. When the time came I told her I wanted to come on her face or in her mouth (the usual). She said how bout on my tits (I don’t know if I’ve ever heard her say tits about her own before, god damn it was hot!) Yea definitely I said, put her hand on top of mine and started shooting. I’ve done this before but usually in the shower or pooled it on her tummy or lower back. It probably wasn’t that crazy but to us it was. These were ROPES. Like haven’t nutted since Sunday ropes. One of them went from the bottom of her rib cage up over her collarbone and around her shoulder and beyond. I’m pretty sure it’s the 1,000 foot rope everyone’s always talking about. She said, with a big girly smile on her face, “wow, its all over my hair, it’s so much, look at our pillows, it’s probably on the walls, I think you ruined our bedroom!” I tried to play it off like it was no biggie and just mopped her up with a dirty tshirt. Later that night, while watching Ted Lasso, she continued to giggle about it and squeal while peeling dried specs off her arms.",,41,ragnar_Daneskjold,2021-10-01 16:33:34 marriedredpill,pymw1k,HornsOfApathy's MRP Cheat Codes to blow up your sex life,"Retards! Gather 'round! **Here comes dynamite.** /u/Blarg_Risen recently [made a comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/owz55a/own_your_shit_weekly_august_03_2021/h7ooeye?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) to say the following: >*I see a lot of OYSs 10 and under. I see a few less OYSs 10-20. And even less above that. And one thing that I'm really noticing for the newer crowd is them getting lost in the amount of information and stratification of guys here. As J10 mentioned long ago, there really is different levels to this whole game. And getting lost in the nuances of the upper levels, in my opinion, is holding guys back from doing what they need to do: faking it, fucking up, and especially introspecting on where they are and where they want to go.* > >*There's no doubt the testosterone level has dropped in here with respect to new guys. I haven't seen a guy come in and blaze a trail to success since Horns. And that's not necessarily a dig at newer guys. It's the result of us guys at the top reigning in that unstructured chaos, and you guys at the bottom falling in lockstep rather than blazing your own trail.* I think Blarg is right, and since I'm one of those vets trying to help guys reign in that unstructured chaos, I think it's time we give some dynamite in polarity. The first step was putting a rule 9 moratorium in place. Next step? **Let's take it back to rule zero.** Fuck leadership, fuck self-improvement, fuck not jacking off, fuck validation, fuck all of it. Let's get back to being a man who does shit, fail or succeeds, but learns how to become a man who fucks and trades notes about it. The point of all this is to STOP thinking and START doing shit and testing yourself. &#x200B; I have an incredible sexual imagination that I give to my woman as a gift. From the years I've been here I am convinced that most retards here have dull and boring sexual imaginations. So I'm here to share my notes with you dudes. All of the following Cheat Codes**^(TM)** **have been personally tested by me over the last 4 years, and everyone of them has been a successful and great sexual encounter.** So line up, pick a #, and go do some shit. You'll maybe fail, maybe not, but who the fuck cares? The worst that's going to happen is your dick is dry and you fail a shit test. Just like before. Oh, and shit tests? They will happen. Deal with it however you want. # Horn's List of Successful Sexual Cheat Codes: I've chosen to model all of these under the structure of DEVI, which in the sidebar is covered by [Sex God Method.](https://archive.org/details/sex-god-method-2nd-edition.com/page/n5/mode/2up) Even better, I've put all of this into a spreadsheet for those of you with a spot of 'tism even rated by difficulty. I've made it easy for you. I want to be clear about one thing though - you MUST give each attempt your full undivided 100% effort. **Otherwise, it will not work.** [Go read a field report here](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/oz98dm/fr_push_yourself_into_her/) from a dude who actually *tried something* that I wrote about.... and it worked. I would like to finally add that you'll read below a lot of words being exchanged between you and your woman. They aren't necessary, but rather I have included them here so that you can imagine the frame of mind required to make them successful. In other words, [you can do all of this without communicating a single word at all.](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/hmgdcg/how_i_communicate_now_without_words/) # DOMINANCE |**DEVI Concept**|**Frame Required**|**Number**|**Item**| |:-|:-|:-|:-| |Dominance|Beginner|1|""Keep that up and maybe I'll let you XYZ me tonight, you've been a good girl lately."" (give me a backrub, suck on my cock, cuddle me) - it's all about giving the prize out.| |Dominance|Beginner|2|Pick her up, carry her upstairs, throw her on the bed, rip her clothes off, and fuck her. Without saying anything.| |Dominance|Beginner|3|""I want to see those nice little/big/milky/perky (something with praise) tits of yours. Now.""| |Dominance|Grinding|4|""This pussy belongs to me now."" Said in the throws of you in a dominant fucking position.| |Dominance|Grinding|5|Tear her shirt off down the middle exposing her breasts and caveman her.| |Dominance|Grinding|6|Try #5 during a ""fight"" where you generally DNGAF and she's emotional. Fuck the bitch out of her. Get dramatically angry over the top.| |Dominance|Grinding|7|Hang her head over the bed (face up) and face fuck her| |Dominance|Hard|8|Give her safewords, blindfold her, then tie her up. Leave the room. Come back as a different person who's kidnapped her and is going to molest her. Or tie her up in the shed at knifepoint like /u/red-sfpplus does and watch her piss herself.| # EMOTION You will notice that emotion begins around the intermediate level of experience and frame. This is intentional, as there is rarely any emotion involved without you first understanding Dominance and implementing it. |**DEVI Concept**|**Frame Required**|**Number**|**Item**| |:-|:-|:-|:-| |Emotion|Grinding|9|As she's getting tired, be the big spoon and rub her asshole as she falls asleep gently, telling her that you know this relaxes her and she NEEDS it to fall asleep.| |Emotion|Grinding|10|During a BJ: ""Oh come on, we know that you can suck cock better than that."" Say this with authority, almost humiliating. Watch.| |Emotion|Hard|11|Lay two toys and a paddle out on the bed. Maybe a wood board. Just leave them there. Wait until she says something. When she does? Command her to go pick one. Don't put the other ones away. STFU. Broken record.| |Emotion|Hard|12|[Text this meme to your woman.](https://i.imgur.com/WA66v32.png) And STFU. Wait for a response. Later call her by her choice, or [""Princess Slut""](https://i.imgur.com/Z8pZ4g1.png) works fine. Other results [here](https://i.imgur.com/Vpu835N.jpg) and [here](https://i.imgur.com/gxm0wwH.jpg) from MRP vets having fun trading notes.| |Emotion|Hard|13|*WARNING*: Cuckhold Trigger…....Right before penetration, stop. Get off her. Slap a suction dildo loudly to the floor and say, ""I want to see you fuck this little dick before you fuck mine."" Make sure it's a small dildo. It will feel like humiliation to her, which requires alot of Dominance here, but praise her like a good girl as she fucks it, encouraging her to do better so she can ""have the real thing""| &#x200B; # Variety The spice of life. Are you boring? It's time to add some variety. |**DEVI Concept**|**Frame Required**|**Number**|**Item**| |:-|:-|:-|:-| |Variety|Beginner|14|Take her hand in bed and put it on your dick. Bonus if you tell her ""Babe, you'd sleep better with your hand on my cock at night."" Do not escalate.| |Variety|Beginner|15|""I'll be home in X hours. When I come home, I want you wearing XYZ, with red lipstick, a tiny bit of mascara, and ABC"" - be extremely specific. If she asks why, your answer is ""because that's what I want."" Don't ask.| |Variety|Beginner|16|Add things to the shopping list, like ""blowjob"". When she notices it's on the list, ""We will talk about this later."" Act like she put it on there. Gaslight her. Tell her she's dirty. Make her believe she added it. Then later, ask her for the list, scratch it off, and pull your dick out. STFU.| |Variety|Grinding|17|Stick your finger or thumb in her asshole during sex and talk dirty about how tight her virgin asshole is and how you just might take it for yourself. Usually works better the first time during caveman sex from behind.| |Variety|Grinding|18|""If your panties get wet at all today you must text me a picture of them. Do not try and hide it from me. I will know."" This works because it sets up for her to follow your directions, or you'll be ""checking them"" later that night, no questions asked.| |Variety|Grinding|27|Setup a camera on a tripod in the bedroom sometime during the day, pointing at the bed. When she inevitably asks about it, just say ""it's for me"".| |Variety|Hard|19|Fuck her like a whore. imagine you are paying a woman for sex and tell her to do everything you want. When done, jokingly leave and say ""You were worth every penny, sweetheart.""| &#x200B; # Immersion Immersion is a difficult thing to conceptualize - but this is basically it: you have your woman in another world, where she gets to play the part that you design. All elements of DEV are required to accomplish immersion (usually). |**DEVI Concept**|**Frame Required**|**Number**|**Item**| |:-|:-|:-|:-| |Immersion|Beginner|20|Randomly come up behind her. The kitchen works great because she's distracted. Run your hands along her hips and then turn her around quickly. WHILE SMILING, press your hand into her throat and push her somewhat forcefully into the door/cabinet whatever where her head is resting against something with your hand on her throat. Whisper, ""You're all mine. Later.""| |Immersion|Beginner|21|During foreplay, only put the tip of your dick in there. Waller it around for a long time and tease her. Act like you're going to deeply penetrate her but never do. Make it sopping fucking wet and then tell there's no way it's going to fit. STFU. Watch.| |Immersion|Beginner|22|Have her lay down sitting up with her back against your chest between your legs. Take her tits out and just play with them for a long time. Enjoy it. Praise them. Put them back. Don't escalate yourself. Do this several days/nights in a row. You can choose to fuck her or not - but this method is not meant to be foreplay.| |Immersion|Beginner|23|Go and buy nice panties. Things you like on her. For a solid month, pay her for fucking or sucking on you with panties. Do not negotiate with her. Just give them everytime. Lots of room to treat her as a good girl, a whore, or a slut here. Some of you will go broke. Victoria Secret often has good deals and no woman ever turns down VS panties.| |Immersion|Grinding|24|""Why are your panties so wet, babe? Have you been thinking bad things again?"" Ask randomly as you grab 'er by the pussy.| |Immersion|Grinding|25|Right before you cum, grab her phone. Blow a load on her face or tits or whatever and record it from your POV. Hand her the phone back and say, ""You can watch this anytime you need to. But you must tell me immediately if you do."" Bonus points if you ran the [Holy Grail of Cum retarded science experiment](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/p12fuy/retard_science_experiment_the_holy_grail_of_cum/) for yourself.| |Immersion|Hard|26|***WARNING***\*\*: Cuckhold Trigger......\*\* Have her sell something online. Message the listing from your own name. Jokingly pretend to inquire about the listing. Ask if you can come pick it up sometime soon, preferably when her husband is out of town. Game her. Pretend you don't have any money but can pay her in ""other ways"". Then show up at the scheduled time and say ""When's your husband get back?"" Play. The. Game. Fuck her and leave. Come back home as the husband later and if you're really ballsy - fuck her again and ask why she's so wet already.| &#x200B; \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ This is all men trading notes. In time I will add to this list of cheat codes if necessary, but posting your feedback in your OYS or on this post will help calibrate what works and doesn't work. **All** this shit works for me. Take whatever you want, leave the rest. Strength, motherfuckers.",,229,HornsOfApathy,2021-09-30 16:05:02 marriedredpill,pyc6xt,Divorce Doesn’t Have to be a Nuke,"Many guys seem to be fingering the divorce button like it’s a first date lately. It’s not a button you should finger lightly and if you do decide to slide into it, you will get far better results if you know what the fuck you’re doing. **Disclaimer #1:** This is one of those, “don’t read it if you are new to MRP” posts. This is not meant to give you the easy button to make that horrible, meanie, sexless wife of yours disappear and then your life will be perfect. No, unless you are 1 year+ in, have clear interest from other women, have interests outside of sex and have become captain *of your own life*, bookmark this and come back to read it when you are there. You need to be sure of what your destination is before learning how to sail through these troubled waters will benefit you. **Disclaimer #2:** This advice applies to most but not all cases. Yes there are crazy bitches; you may have married one, you may be one. If shit has gone abnormally bad - and I’m talking point of no return bad - then yes, you’re fucked. Go back to the full nuke model. **So moving on..** Assuming you haven’t been disclaimed out, how do you know what the fuck you’re doing from a tactical perspective? That’s our topic today.  Divorce is about frame. And the frame we get from most of the internet and even most of MRP is: you’re nuking things, you’re going to get fucked, divorce raped, kids taken away, etc. It’s all true insofar as it’s possible, but I’m going to assert that the vast majority of the time, this doesn’t have to be the case. There is a [difference between a good divorce and a bad divorce](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCmSYpARXvQ). In order to fully appreciate this, we need to dispel or at least reframe some myths: **Myth #1 - You need a lawyer in order to reach a settlement** Lawyers love this myth. But they don’t love you. They don’t give a fuck about you. It’s like two realtors working on a house sale - they don’t work for you, *they work for the transaction.* Divorce law wasn’t meant for the current age we are in - it was meant to determine fault. However, with all states and most western countries now being some form of no fault, the process largely makes no sense. What’s worse is lawyers are incented to drag your case out, incite conflict and amp up their billable hours to the max. It’s only when they have sufficiently depleted your wealth and sucked you dry that they start talking seriously about settlement. And 99% of divorce cases do settle outside of court. They nearly all settle within roughly the same standards that could have just been disclosed upfront and agreed to by both divorcing parties - leaving them with far more wealth after the divorce and leaving the lawyers with far less billable hours. You don’t need a lawyer unless you have a unique / very bad case. You may need a mediator, but the legal part is really just procedural once you take the typically contentious lawyer model out of it and reach a settlement. **Myth #2 - You don’t owe her shit / Bitch will divorce rape you** Really? Who entered into an open contract with *two other parties* (yes, you’ve married your wife and another bitch, the government) that has its terms and conditions undefined to be decided by a fucktard feminist judge that doesn’t even know either of you at some point in the future as-needed? YOU DID. Paying her is the cost of doing business and agreeing to such a contract. Don’t be a bitch about it. Worry about not paying lawyers instead. Your wife doesn’t divorce rape you, the lawyers do. Ultimately a good mediator can help you land on what is a standard settlement for your state / region. Accept that and be glad lawyers aren’t fisting your ass. **Myth #3 - Divorce has to be a fight** Why? Because your frame is shit? How about instead of a fight, you prepare well and then level with your spouse to find a fair settlement? More on that below, but just like any interaction, it doesn’t have to be a fight unless you allow it to be. **Myth #4 - You can’t be a family afterwards** Again, why not? It depends on your frame, but you’re still the captain even if you are sending the first mate to another ship. You should be shooting for collaboration, which I’ll show you how to maximize your chances of. With collaboration, you can still have a family and do some things together as a family even after the divorce. It can simply be a reorganization of the family, not the end of it. Or do the opposite - comes down to what you want in your post-divorce world. The point is it is possible because you say it is. **Myth #5 - You will be financially ruined afterwards** Assuming you have your ship’s finances under control (which you should have taken control of long ago), dividing assets by 2 and using your state’s standard maintenance and child support payment calculators should not ruin you. Use a mutually agreed upon mediator if necessary. Then get even smarter about your finances and what you will have left. Think [Mr. Money Mustache](https://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2013/02/22/getting-rich-from-zero-to-hero-in-one-blog-post/). You don’t need much to live a life of great abundance if you just manage it the right way. **Myth #6 - You shouldn’t fuck your wife during the divorce** Doesn’t matter much in my experience. I say take the great hysterical bonding sex while it’s on the table. Eventually it will wane. Keep the divorce on track and don’t give any false hope that good sex is turning things around. If you got this far, sex shouldn’t be your problem in marriage or life anymore. **Myth #6 - Your wife won’t get over it** Maybe not as common of a myth, but if you have a high SMV, your wife will be attracted to you. You will feel her attachment to you. You will get tears, snot bubbles, pleas, overt negotiation, etc. Take all of this seriously! It’s not bullshit. She’s trying to find a way to stay on the ship. Maybe there is a way, maybe not - up to you. If you get a request for therapy, take it. Go to therapy and give it a fair shot. Most therapists use shitty BP techniques, but they also have training in helping people reconnect and providing a forum for desperate overt discussion and negotiation. It can work, although very unlikely. By going to therapy, you are also showing you are exhausting every possibility, which shows you don’t take your decision to divorce lightly.  All that to say, if you end up in divorce and manage things appropriately, she will get over it. You may be surprised at how fast. Remember, it was always just your turn. Older women (40+) are going to follow TRM’s [Preventive Medicine](https://www.amazon.com/Rational-Male-Preventive-Medicine-ebook/dp/B00UERQSFU) map and look for the first beta they can find to provide for them. There are 1000’s of beta man-children in line to do whatever your wife says - no matter how fat and harpie she can be. Realize this is a good thing and embrace it. **Myth #7 - You don’t want her to move on** Lose your ego. You are the prize, but [women are built to adapt to new mates when needed](https://therationalmale.com/2011/10/03/war-brides/). And you want this to happen. When she moves on, she gets closer to remarrying - which in western society she almost certainly will. You want this to happen ASAP. Tell her you understand, you are happy for her and you support her. Get her ass remarried and end those maintenance payments! **Myth #8 - It’s worse for the kids / they will hate you / some other hamstering about kids being a reason to stay together** Kids follow the frame they are given. If you can get your wife on the same page as you overall, it will be much easier on the kids. Again, this is a restructuring of the family. Be clear it is not their fault, there’s nothing they can do to stop it and explain in detail what their lives will look like after the divorce (e.g. where they will be on which days, they will have 2 bedrooms now in 2 different houses, how school activities / buses will work, etc.). They are probably more resilient than you can imagine. They may need a period to cope with the news, but they will adjust and be fine. **Execution** So once you’ve reframed the divorce you are going to lead your ship into, you now have a clear picture of where you’re going. Now spend some time picturing this new reality from (1) your point of view, (2) your wife’s point of view and (3) your children’s points of view. You are about to affect many people’s lives here and you owe it to your crew and yourself to do it responsibility. Divorce settlement has 4 components: 1 - Custody 2 - Child Support 3 - Maintenance / Alimony 4 - Asset Division None of these are rocket surgery and none require a lawyer to gain agreement with your wife on in most cases. Think through what a fair picture of these four factors would be for you and your wife, one at a time. Think of gives and takes that are important to you and that will be important to her. Be reasonable.  **Telling your wife you want a divorce** How you start a divorce lays the groundwork for how it will end. As captain, you should have laid the groundwork for months. You should have set expectations clearly with your wife, which she is clearly not meeting otherwise you wouldn’t want a divorce (or you just never wanted to be married to begin with). Be active with her in working to help her meet your expectations where it’s possible. After some time, when you run out of ideas on how to improve the marriage, tell her that. Ask her if she has any ideas. Be open to them. Again, go to therapy if requested. Set a limit the number of sessions with your wife prior to starting. Within that limit, you should start to see results, otherwise you are going to move to divorce together. See here for [more good tips on how to tell your wife](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7B3Rughx5Ms). [Plan all the way to the end](https://www.shortform.com/blog/48-laws-of-power-law-29-plan-all-the-way-to-the-end/) as LOP #29 taught us and do it right - it is the most important part of the process. **Reaching settlement** After giving your wife adequate time and with sensitivity, start talking through the 4 components of divorce settlement. Try to reach agreement on each one as much as possible. Whatever you don’t reach agreement on, find a mediator to help you resolve. **Finalizing the divorce** Once you reach settlement - it is just administrative from there. You can get a single lawyer to execute your paperwork if you’d like (and only to do this function, no drame-inciting services required), you could use an online service or you could fill out the forms yourself (I recommend having a mediator or lawyer check them however).  **In conclusion..** My main point here is to show you divorce doesn’t have to be this big fucking catastorphe unless you and/or your wife are big fucking catastrophies. Most normal people can work through their differences, be fair and as positive as possible about it and move on with their lives. PS - I suggest holding off on fucking the 20 somethings until you or your wife moves out. It’s already a complicated time, don’t add unnecessary risk to your masterful plan. [The thots will all be there waiting for you once you are in the clear](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9gWtrnb4KjU).",,59,PillUpAss,2021-09-30 04:16:16 marriedredpill,px1vqr,"Own Your Shit Weekly - September 28, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,10,AutoModerator,2021-09-28 08:30:17 marriedredpill,psemgy,"Own Your Shit Weekly - September 21, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,13,AutoModerator,2021-09-21 08:30:14 marriedredpill,pr9p74,Stop ignoring your wife,"Yep, you heard me right. Right off the bat, I'm gonna get dozens of responses about ""get out of her frame, bro"" just from this title. And that's part of the problem. Too many people in here commenting and judging while only reading the surface of a post or comment. Every time someone mentions their wife in their post or comment, the ""frame brigade"" jumps in and shits idiocy all over the place. This idiocy is usually (from reading people's comment history) based on being very new to TRP/MRP, or just being a fucking retard. At the root level, it's someone trying to make themselves look good by spewing a few words from the side bar, or regurgitating what someone said to them when they first got here. When guys first get here, it's because their relationship pendulum is so far to her side they need help. This help starts by forcing the pendulum as far to the other side as possible: STFU, DGAF, dread, etc. These are meant to give immediate momentum to the pendulum in favor of the guy. It is an attempt at pushing toward the other extreme: ignore your wife, and worry about you. It's hands down the best advice at this point of first swallowing the pill. You can't expect the pendulum to go from one extreme to a happy middle ground directly. You have to swing that fucker hard to the other side. But at some point you can't keep ignoring her. Even later parts of dread expect you to evaluate HER, and make decisions on extending the level, moving on to the next level, or backing down. You have to recognize shit tests, understand what sort it is, and respond appropriately. If you're ignoring her, how the fuck are you going to pass it. So you guys that want to to a drive-by-get-out-of-her-frame comment, stop and really understand what you are reading, or just keep fucking driving and stop clogging things up with you the 10th fucking comment like the one you're about to drop. You aren't adding anything and no one thinks you're cool for saying it. &nbsp; > Smooth sailing, fuckers",,24,afc-v2,2021-09-19 15:09:22 marriedredpill,ppyzmb,She's pissed and it's all your fault,"So you've taken the RP. You've been applying it for months now and sticking to the plan. You've been lifting, dressing nicer, creating a plan, working on frame, and passing shit tests. Now picture this: It's a nice Saturday, late afternoon. You've just finished cutting the grass and fixing some odds and ends around the exterior of the house. You reward yourself with an ice cold IPA, turn the TV on to a college football game, and sit back to relax for a couple hours. Your wife, who's been out a good bit of the day with her friend, doing some shopping at the mall, comes home. You're happy to see her. She's dressed nice and smells nice, and you know you'll get to see all the sexy clothes she just bought. After some casual hello's and how-was-your-day's, she proceeds to start this conversation: **Her:** So Kathy asked me what you were doing today, and I told her about the yard work and stuff you were fixing up around the house. **You:** Ah, that's cool. How's Kathy and John doing? Good I hope. **Her:** They're fine, but after I told her about that she told me how great of a husband you were and how lucky I am to have you. She wishes John would take a queue from you. **You:** Well that was nice of her to say. I'm lucky to have you too. **Her:** I just don't get it, though. I don't want all my friends thinking you're some kind of Mr. Perfect. **You:** I'm sure she doesn't think I'm ""perfect."" No one's perfect. **Her:** I don't think she gets that you can be an asshole some times. **You:** Everyone has the potential to be an asshole. I'm sure she realizes that \*chuckles\*. She huffs a little and heads to the bedroom with her bags of clothes. *** Good job sir, but also ""oh shit."" In her eyes you've been validated indirectly by her friend. I know the expectation is that she should eat it up, and mind you, I thought the same when this happened to me. It took some analyzing on my part to figure out why she was so pissed. Here's the ""oh shit"" part. The woman you just met has been working her little ass off trying to discredit you to her friends. She's put in the effort to give her the option to exit the LTR while looking credible to the friends you both have for leaving you. Presumably this will be with another guy, well before the LTR is officially over. That way, she'll have all the you-deserve-better's and she can introduce her no beau to all of your old mutual friends and they will accept him as the replacement for you, because, you know, you're an asshole. You've now fucked that up for her. How things play out from here is another topic, but let's just say, it doesn't look pretty. *** Take note of the reactions you get from your initial dive into MRP. They can tell you a lot about where your LTR was and is headed, and you will be better prepared for the road ahead. &nbsp; **EDIT:** I admit, I fell into my own trap. I wrote a post trying to convey that expectations and assumptions were a bad thing, and to bring awareness to how they can alter your perception of what is really going on. I then assumed and had the expectation that everyone would pick up on this. However, my warning became its own worst enemy. Nearly every response is rooted in people thinking that: * I need help * I want help * I'm new here (based on my history with this username) * They have the ability to help me * That I care We all need to derail the assumption train and get around using our own two feet, off any hard path. That is all. &nbsp; > *Smooth sailing, my friends...*",,30,afc-v2,2021-09-17 12:13:27 marriedredpill,poc8pf,"If you're not fucking, shut up about leadership","Everyone wants a happy and fulfilling marriage, and no one wants to accept thats outside of your control. A guy can do all the chores worth doing, he can be the best damned dad in the world. He can crush it at the office, be the coach of his kids little league team, and score 100% on all 12 Rules for Life. and yet: If he's not fucking, it doesn't matter. I'm not saying this just because. I'm saying this because in my god knows how many years here I've seen countless guys give the same speech: *""She's a great mom, cooks dinner, wonderful at dinner parties and can wear a mean pair of jogging pants. There's just this small, insignificant little detail that I want to ask a question on: she's gained 50 pounds and hasn't fucked me since Trump was in office.""* Then insert a 3 paragraph biography/pity party with a question on whether 'she' would fuck him if he had better leadership. Hopefully everyone is on board with the definition of leadership, as every single guy leaves out what the fuck that even means. It's as old as the Red Pill, Briffaults law. In any species, the female dictates the terms relationship. When there is no benefit, there is no relationship. as a corollary, any negotiation becomes null and void the minute she gets her side of the bargain. This has 2 main models that guys would do well to internalize: 1. It's not your relationship to save, it's hers. 2. You cannot negotiate desire. Leadership, in a nutshell, is the wife or girlfriend deferring to the husband or boyfriend. If she has no desire to defer, then any attempt to 'lead' looks no different than one of your kids trying to bark orders, looks pretty silly doesn't it. Ask yourself, which one of these relationships will last: A relationship that the husband wants to save and the wife can't stand? Or the one with a fully invested wife and a husband who is ambivalent to it? So, take this for what it's worth: Any leadership is the lagging indicator of a fully invested woman. Stop trying to skip the basics and go straight to leading. Focus on being attractive, having abundance, building options, and the ever popular: #####Be attractive, don't be unattractive Because when she wants to defer to you, you'll know it, and you don't need 20000 internet assholes to spell it out for you.",,190,RStonePT,2021-09-14 21:36:10 marriedredpill,pnyrty,"Own Your Shit Weekly - September 14, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,12,AutoModerator,2021-09-14 08:30:17 marriedredpill,pkny44,"It's all your fault, wins included.","""It's all your fault."" That's basic dogma around here. Your life is shitty because you are shitty. You are shitty because of what you've done, what you've failed to do, what you're doing and/or what you're failing to do. This is what you get if you're lucky enough to find this sub. The more you heap shit on your head, the more the dudes around here do the same. Everybody's in agreement. Your shittiness is your fault. So, after your victim pukes and whining about that mistreatment, all that shit heaped on your head fertilizes some seeds of growth. You start to realize others are in various stages of shittiness too and seem to be winding their trunks from the dark and growing towards whatever rays of light they can find. You imitate them and try to grow. You stumble here, you advance there. You tie yourself up in knots; you learn how to untie knots. You keep taking stock and seeing inklings of progress and this motivates you to press on. Eventually, you get to a point where your finances are where you want then to be, you are attractive enough to get eyefucked relatively frequently, you know how to make a woman shake like an earthquake and squirt like a geyser, and you generally can hold your own in any social situation. You take stock again and are pleased. Fuck, you're practically giddy. ""Thank you, MRP! Thank you!"" you say, in sincere appreciation. But from that moment forward, the money doesn't amount to much, the eyefucks don't tingle like they used to, and the pussy doesn't taste as sweet. You try to regain that joy. You perfect all your MRP ninja hacks on your life. You internalize them. Fuck, you even dream in MRP jargon. And they all work just fine, just as they always have. But the joy's still fading. So, you go back to try to find some more of them, but they're still the same ones. And the joy still fades. Then you try to find some previously unseen nuance, but that's shortlived too. Eventually, you feel like you've wrung everything out of MRP you can get. And you feel dread - the dread that if this is as far as MRP goes, then this is as far as you can go. The dread of peaking. Why? It's because you forgot that it's all your fault. You racked up a whole slate of wins, but who did you credit? MRP? Did MRP make that bank? Did MRP lift that iron? Did MRP pound that pussy? No. MRP didn't do that shit. You did. Sure, MRP offered a salad bar of characters on an electronic screen, but you're the one heaped them on to your own fucking plate and scarfed them down your own way. You're the one who took that meal and turned it in to an honest day's work and a soul-satisfying shit to boot. Sure, you got attaboys and asskicks from the dudes here. But none of them ever really gave any shits about whether you live, die, succeed or fail. And that's the best thing they could give you, because their not giving a fuck about you is how you're reminded that ... it's ***all*** your fault, ***wins included.*** You are the fucking man who made you happen. Do it some more.",,89,[deleted],2021-09-09 01:37:57 marriedredpill,pjiz1t,"Own Your Shit Weekly - September 07, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,18,AutoModerator,2021-09-07 08:30:20 marriedredpill,pj1icy,STFU & medium tone,"I went to see bill burr last night, the entire show was all red pill truths. My head still hurts from laughing. Bit of a spoiler if he makes it a special. He talked about how feminist want equality but don’t do shit to get it or support their own movement. How they bitch about men’s sports being more popular but you don’t see these women at the WNBA packing out the stadiums with there tits out and bellies panted like us men. Instead they rather watch house wives bash each other about not being able to have children. Also how they cheer on all the women who are fat and no longer a threat to them. 😂 But he started talking about how he figured out what to do when his wife starts an argument. I know he talked about it before In one of his bits. but this time he says: “all you got to do is let her talk her shit. And then you just shut up and walk away. Then when she comes down later to talk to you. You hit her with medium tone. If you use too high tone, You seem emotional. Too low and you sound butthurt. Just hit them with a medium tone and they don’t know how to fucking handle it” And starts talking about the female hamster without saying it. I thought this was a good lesson for guys starting out who are trying to figure out What to do after you STFU. Just hit them with medium tone.",,87,TrenGod37,2021-09-06 15:24:36 marriedredpill,ph69na,The Bright Triad - a starting point for your list for qualifying an LTR,"Everyone knows about the Dark Triad (machiavellianism, narcissim, psychopathy) but until I came across a book by Mark Smith (*The tactical Guide to Women, How men can manage risk in Dating and Marriage*) I hadn't heard of the Bright Triad. The latter is not a common bundling of traits unlike the former, and takes some explaining. I read this book through the lens as someone already in an LTR on how to figure *what I could mold/lead* vs. what I could not (*and what she had to fix herself\*\*\**). I've since sent a copy as a Kindle gift to a recently divorced male friend, both as a post-mortem and a guide for him in creating a better list than he did 20 yrs ago. This book would be hugely helpful for younger men before they decide to pick an LTR from amongst their Plates. \*\*\* which is also done through leading and boundaries. You have to be HV enough to get her to adhere, and the carrot/stick is your attention (or lack thereof) as a high value male. If she doesn't follow, she made her choice. &#x200B; Although I do believe that tactically ***""Boundaries outweigh Vetting""*** some of the psych level conditions identified in the Bright Triad (or lack thereof) would be appropriate things to vet for, along with her father/daughter dynamic, at the strategic level of filtering and qualification. You must set and enforce boundaries as a way of living, but starting with/picking a woman deficient in the Bright Triad traits is a losing recipe. Smith, a clinical psychologist, describes the Bright Triad as the traits of: 1. clarity, 2. maturity, and 3. emotional stability. Example of behaviors that signal **Clarity**: * she can maintain solid communication skills under any circumstance and doesn’t resort to passive aggressive or childish behavior. * she must also have an inquisitive mind that is open to hearing other opinions and possibly changing her own. * she must be able to self-advocate and be assertive in her thoughts and opinions. **Maturity** can be noted in five emotional skills: * insight; * intellectual nuance; * resilience; * internalization; and * self-maintenance. **Emotional Stability** ( men should avoid women who have mental health problems; 2x odds of divorce double when this is the case) ""*Mental health problems include behaviors like substance abuse, depression and anxiety, and unresolved emotional injuries. Unless the partner is taking active and aggressive treatment for their problems, they must not be tolerated. It is not your job to rescue someone with these problems; it is their job. The problems go so deep that they will exhaust anybody who gets involved and rob much joy out of life*."" I'm sure, even reading the short list above, has you spitting your bourbon at the screen ""s*he needs to be able to view other viewpoints, while communicating and be resilient and insightful while not being crazy?... Where do you find such a unicorn?*"" . **Exactly**. This is why actually promoting someone should be a process of being selective. Have your list of requirements. So many men don't have a list and their LTR is simply someone they kept ""dating longer"", a girl who was good enough to fuck and maybe take to brunch somehow through inertia became a poor life partner..... So develop a list, use the experience of a shrink who found these common traits - **missing in the women in relationships doomed to fail, and common in those women who were worth keeping/able to be kept.** Smith is also * anti-cohabitation pre-marriage, * pro 2+ yr dating, and * warns of legal / financial ramifcations of cohabitating- So he's no pusher of marriage, simply an observer of the traits of women who are not just bad matches, but bad candidates for LTR'ing at all. Worth the read.",,73,i-am-the-prize,2021-09-03 14:29:16 marriedredpill,pf1pt6,"Own Your Shit Weekly - August 31, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,19,AutoModerator,2021-08-31 08:30:15 marriedredpill,paj7qe,"Own Your Shit Weekly - August 24, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,17,AutoModerator,2021-08-24 08:30:27 marriedredpill,p6voz2,For whom do you fuck?,"By now, I trust you've read this: [https://archive.is/Xw6wy](https://archive.is/Xw6wy) by Man in the World and internalized it? I'd like to add what I've found useful, as an addendum some homework to the Diagnostic Scenario portion. The last part here: "" *Could you \[overcome your need for Egalitarian validation and\] fully embrace and fully enjoy her offer, by* * *turning on the lights and uninhibitedly telling her every dirty thought, feeling, and desire \[Overcome need for Respectful validation\] as you stare at her naked tits, stroke her hair and skin, slowly insert yourself inside her, and focus on having the perfect orgasm? \[Overcome need for Good or Giving Lover validation\]* * *eating her pussy entirely for your* ***own*** *pleasure without making her cum \[Overcome need for Good or Giving Lover validation\], while telling her how she tastes and feels? \[Overcome need for Respectful validation\]* * *climbing right on and pounding away, if that's what you really desire at that moment? \[Overcome need for Good or Giving Lover validation\]* *You're not fully comfortable with your own sexuality or with hers, or you're hung up by validation needs or covert contracts, if you couldn't.*"" **Here's a challenge for you:** Until you see a change in yourself, by killing the last vestiges of neediness and good-guy validation, *you are not to include any dirty talk* ***which asks questions***. None. No more: * *""you like that, don't you?""* * *""you love this cock, don't you?""* * *""have you been a good girl/bad girl?""* None. Make your mindset fully about yourself, she is there by chance only; *this is your lay*. Instead, state what YOU feel, what YOU want and what YOU sense: * ""play with your tits"" * ""that pussy feels so good"" * ""squeeze my cock with that pussy"" Try it for a while, make it about you and see how this shifts your mindset. Like many (M)RP concepts, (1) I did it for me, but (2) the corollary benefits don't suck. What has emerged is like the 3:1 texting ratio, it gives her room to fill the shape of container you create (emotionally) while you mold her vaginal container with your junk. Own it. And you'll *own it.*",,78,i-am-the-prize,2021-08-18 17:17:59 marriedredpill,p5zpbm,"Own Your Shit Weekly - August 17, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,26,AutoModerator,2021-08-17 08:30:17 marriedredpill,p1l42y,"Own Your Shit Weekly - August 10, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,33,AutoModerator,2021-08-10 08:30:20 marriedredpill,oyc5ek,Conversation Strategies You Won't Find in WISNIFG,"**WISNIFG RECAP** Hopefully by now you've all read WISNIFG, which has some great communication strategies. Let me recap the most significant ones: - **Fogging**: Find a way to agree with what someone else says, even if you don't agree to the substance. ""I can see how from your perspective that would make a lot of sense."" It's hard to argue with someone who keeps agreeing with you. - **Broken Record**: Keep repeating the same phrase over and over without changing your position. This shows people that you won't back down and you insist on getting your way on this issue. ""I want a refund ... I understand, but I still want my refund ... Yes, you may speak with your manager if he is the one who can give me a refund ... I appreciate your alternative offer, but I want a refund."" - **Self-Disclosure**: Providing relevant additional information about your situation, goals, motives, etc. that can move people toward understanding what you want from them and be more inclined to give it to you. ""I need to reschedule our appointment"" v. ""My child is in the hospital, so I need to reschedule our appointment."" - **Negative Inquiry**: Asking questions that challenge the false assumptions people make when they accuse you. ""Why is it wrong for me to spend time with my co-worker after hours?"" - **Workable Compromise**: Exchanging something that does not sacrifice your goals or self-worth in order to get what you want in return. ""If you give me the parenting schedule I want, I'll agree to your right of first refusal provision."" - **Negative Assertion**: Admitting to your own shortcomings in order to build credibility or neutralize accusations. ""That was a dumb thing for me to do."" It's hard to accuse someone angrily who already recognizes the full weight of the accusation. Of course, this doesn't work if the ""owning up"" is done in a minimizing way. _____ **RC'S ADDITIONAL STRATEGIES** In my time as an attorney, I've found that there are a number of additional conversational strategies that work not only in the courtroom, but also at home, in social contexts, high conflict scenarios, in the office, etc. Here are a few to dabble with. **It's About Me (But Really You)** - Leadership strategy *Legal Context* - I'll open with a simple one because it plays into some of the others really nicely. As we all know, blunt accusations aren't often received well. They make people defensive and emotionally unstable. So, I often suggest to my clients that instead of accusing the other parent of doing something wrong, take that exact issue and communicate (preferably in writing) to the other parent that you intend to work on that issue in your own parenting because you believe it would be best for your child. The idea is that the other side is then prompted to process the utility in what you're doing and they may attempt to implement it in their own home (even if my own client doesn't actually follow through or never intended to in the first place). This comes down to the power of suggestion. As a worst-case scenario, even if they don't implement the thought, if things go wrong my client now has a written record that they are trying to be proactive thinkers for their child and the other parent's failure to do likewise is what contributed to the mess. *Home Application* - This works outside the legal custody context also. If your wife is fat, telling her, ""You need to lose some weight"" can be powerful if you have the frame and value to pull it off, but it's still probably going to make her upset. The ""It's about me (but really you)"" strategy is simply to take ownership of something you want another person within your influence to do also. In this example, you could tell your wife, ""I've decided I'm not satisfied with my body. I'm overweight and it's time to start dieting and exercising more."" Often-times such clear statements about your own intentions causes the other person to self-reflect and contemplate that they should make a similar decision for themselves. This conversational approach shouldn't be used to undermine the importance of ""do, don't tell."" There is still great value in not blabbing your mouth about your plans if your primary concern is your own life improvement. But sometimes the ""lead by example"" path doesn't quite get through. Remember the discipleship strategy Jesus used: (1) tell them what, (2) show them how, (3) let them try, (4) send them out/keep them going, and (5) pass it on. If your goal isn't just for your own improvement, but also to lead someone else, then it can be beneficial to tell before you show, giving them a context to see how to do what they're aspiring to and to stay motivated by seeing your progress. There's also a split between situations where you're leading by example and leading by setting boundaries/expectations. I can tell my wife, ""cook this for dinner"" or ""wear this tonight"" without showing her how first. I'm not going to put on a skirt just to ""show her how"" when she already knows. So, if I'm setting a boundary or expectation for her, telling her without showing is sufficient and the ""it's about me (but really you)"" strategy is unnecessary. When this comes most into play is when you're dealing with more sensitive issues of a spouse's shortcomings and you want her to learn from your example how to overcome them. Lastly, it's worth noting that you can use this strategy by replacing ""me"" with someone else your wife might have reason to keep up with. Here are some examples of how this conversational technique can work: - **Example 1**: ""I've noticed our bathroom sink getting cluttered. I think I'm going to clean it up and make an effort to keep it clean soon. Is there anything on there that you don't want me messing with?"" Chances are, 80% of the mess is hers. You're not accusing her; you're just taking responsibility. But she will likely adopt that responsibility as her own also. - **Example 2**: I want my wife memorizing Scripture more often. I start training my kids in Scripture memory. I tell my wife, ""I've decided that Scripture memory is important and our kids need to be doing it. So, I've been having the kids memorize <this or that> verse. They're doing great! I love the idea that our family will become one that knows the Bible inside and out."" She sees that the kids are starting to excel at something that she should be better than them at, so she starts memorizing Scripture with them to keep up. _____ **DOC Examination** - Conflict and Leadership Strategy *Legal Context* - The goal of any good cross examination is to lead a person to your own pre-drawn conclusion by asking questions. The most famous technique is the ""Pozner Cross,"" which involves only yes/no questions. You essentially back the witness into a corner where they ultimately have to agree to see things your way. Through a series of ""yes or no"" responses the person ultimately admits what you want. It's ideal if you begin the line of inquiry in a way that the other person doesn't know what you're trying to get them to admit to. - **Pozner Example**: I may ask Bob about his favorite holiday. ""Even if it's not your favorite, Bob, July 4 is always a great time, isn't it?"" ""Don't you just love to sit on your lawn sipping a few beers while the lights dance in the sky?"" ""And it's even better when you get to be with your kids, enjoying a family holiday, don't you think?"" ""Wasn't it great that you got to do that last week?"" ""And you even had your kids with you too, to make it even better, right?"" ""And you were drinking those beers while your kids were with you, right?"" ""And you knew the order prohibited drinking during your parenting time, right?"" Trapped. *Home Application* - To be clear, making your spouse feel ""tricked"" into an admission rarely goes over well, so avoid the yes/no questions. Instead, I've started doing in specific cases what I call a ""direct-on-cross"" (DOC) strategy. During direct examinations you can only ask open-ended questions. Yes/no questions are prohibited (with limited flexibility). Why would you limit yourself like that on cross examination? Because it better shields your motives and removes the air of trickery, as they get to answer any way they like. But by maintaining control of the conversation and ensuring that it follows the direction I want it to, the person usually ends up saying what I want them to say anyway. Even better: in low-conflict scenarios, I can even persuade someone through this strategy to think that my idea is actually their idea. - **DOC Example 1**: My son says something nasty to his sister. Instead of scolding him I ask, ""Ten years from now, what kind of relationship do you want with your sisters?"" He answers with something generally positive. ""That's a great goal. If you want that goal to become a reality, how do you think that will happen?"" He answers that they both have to work on being ""excellent"" to each other (a Bill & Ted reference I tease them about every now and then). ""What are things you can do to help her be 'excellent' toward you?"" He gives an idea or two and I latch on. ""What are ways that will get in the way of your goal of having a good relationship with her?"" He starts to connect the dots and realizes that talking mean doesn't help. - **DOC Example 2**: Suppose I want to teach someone about the importance of prayer. I would open with the IAM(BRY) strategy: ""I've been thinking about things I can do to improve my relationship with God."" Response: *That's a good idea.* ""Do you have any ideas on how I can do that?"" He goes through a list. Prayer is on the list. ""That's a good one. What would be good ways to approach prayer?"" I let him brainstorm a few ideas. If he's struggling I give a few mediocre ideas while waiting for him to come up with the ones I really want him doing. ""I like that. Do you want to do that with me?"" _____ **Buffering** - Conflict and Persuasion Strategy *Legal Context* - This is one of the most useful strategies I use in my legal profession. Parties in custody disputes can't wait for their chance to talk about how awful the other side is. When they get before a psychologist, judege, magistrate, guardian ad litem, or whoever, they just blab their mouth about ""he's so evil because he did this"" or ""she's so crazy because she did that."" Result? ""You're both crazy and just acting out of spite and emotion. I can't trust either one of you."" That's not how you win cases. And I like to win. In order to combat this dynamic, I teach my clients the art of ""buffering,"" which is a strategy I've developed for building credibility without compromising the very real and serious points you otherwise like to make. It's very simple: for every accusation you want to make, ""buffer"" it with a complementary statement of understanding and giving the benefit of the doubt. That's it. **Credibility = [Buffer] + [Harsh Truth]. The two are reversible or can be multiplied in any number and order you see fit. It's a way of saying, ""You can trust me. My motives aren't bad like you might assume, but I do want you to know the seriousness of this issue."" Especially when you're in a conflict scenario, other people are constantly trying to evaluate whether or not they can trust what you're saying. If you come off as your perspective being clouded by your own ego investment in the situation, you lose credibility and hinder your ability to achieve your goals in the situation. By demonstrating that you really are level-headed about the situation and thinking rationally and even with positive affect toward the other person in the conflict, you don't merely ""not hurt"" your credibility; you bolster it. *Home Application* - This strategy works well in the home when you're giving instruction to someone else, such as your spouse or your child, on something you know they will be resistant to, but you want them to do it anyway. By creating an identification with their frustration, they are more likely to accept the reality of the undesirable task as a mandate from you because you're not asking them to do anything you haven't already done yourself. Or you can use this strategy to resolve conflict with your spouse because at the end of the day, your wife is probably more interested in being understood than she is in actually getting her way (at least if she trusts you this is more often the case). - **Example 1**: ""[Buffer] In an ideal world, I'd love nothing more than to have shared parenting with equal time with my ex, [Harsh Truth] but that's just not feasible in this situation, and here's why."" - **Example 2**: ""[Buffer] I fully believe that my spouse has good intentions and is just trying to do what s/he thinks is best, [Harsh Truth] but the reality is that she has made things worse."" - **Example 3**: ""[Harsh Truth] Dalia is insane. [Buffer] I don't say that lightly. I love her and care about her. I wish we could figure this out peaceably between us. She's a beautiful, intelligent woman. [Harsh Truth] But the more I have spoken with competent professionals and researched what I've seen in her, the more I see lots of overlap with serious mental health concerns. [Buffer] I think if she could get the help that she needs, we might actually be able to communicate with each other in a way that would be fantastic for our kids. [Harsh Truth] But we're just not there right now, [Submissive Posturing] and I don't know how to get there. Could you help me figure that out?"" - **Example 4**: [Harsh Truth] Son, you're going to have to clean your room. [Buffer] I know you don't like doing it. It sucks. I hated cleaning my room when I was a kid too, so I understand your frustration with it. [Harsh Truth] But your room is trashed and it is your responsibility to get it back in order."" - **Example 5**: [Harsh Truth] Babe, this is what we're going to do going forward. [Buffer] I understand that you think this and that. I appreciate your thoughts and how well you have communicated them. But as much as I can see where you're coming from, [Harsh Truth] this is the decision I'm making right now and I would like you to be on board with me."" _____ **Submissive Posturing** - Persuasion/Likeability Strategy *Legal Context* - Another big mistake a lot of people make (especially in the legal arena) is failing to recognize power dynamics. For example, when meeting with a guardian, lots of people want to tell the guardian how to do their job, what they should believe, why their choices with the kids were the best ones, etc. This *can* work if you legitimately have the better position. But I've found that EXACTLY 50% of parties in custody cases overestimate the actual strength of their position relative to the other side, so it's a risky gamble. The better strategy is to set your own agenda aside, take some humble pie, and submit yourself to the ""experts."" *Home Application* - To do this, you simply ask for help, advice, or suggestions from the person who has a power dynamic over you or with whom you want to build a better relational affinity. The goal is to demonstrate that you can be trusted because you're more interested in finding the best solution than in pushing your own proposed solution (or at least this is what you give the appearance of doing). If your solution really is the best one, it's not often hard for the person in the higher power dynamic to realize this, so you can blend in some DOC Examination strategy as a way to get them to your actual preferred solution. The real thrust here is that you're getting someone else to empathize with you and your way of doing things by letting them believe you are allowing them to be in control. The reality is that you are in control. But you are expressing your control in a way that utilizes an appearance of submissiveness coupled with guided disclosures or questions that ultimately lets them feel like they have been instrumental in your decision-making process to the degree that they believe you are taking their advice rather than persuading them that your decision was the correct one. The end result is that people see you as an appropriately humble person who validates their need to be needed, giving them a positive affinity toward you in future interactions and makes them more inclined to side with you when you need them to ... all without actually having to change what you ever intended in the first place. Law of Power 38 comes to mind: ""Think as you like, but behave like others."" Another benefit is that this gives you a win-win-win-win scenario in the aftermath no matter what the outcome. **Win 1**: If things go well, they go well and you've improved your relationship with the other person by making them feel validated for having been able to participate in the process. **Win 2**: If things go poorly, you have the option to double-down on the humility aspect by accepting responsibility, even though the other person believes that they were the one who gave the advice that led to the failure. **Win 3**: If the situation truly calls for it, you also have the option available to defer responsibility because you were ""just following so and so's advice, and after all, he's the one in charge."" **Win 4**: By getting someone else's input before acting on your plan, you may actually discover a better plan than what you were thinking. In all of this, don't apply this strategy on the mundane where it would seem trite or even pedantic to bring it up. While I call it a ""submissive"" strategy, it is really about leveraging (hopefully authentic) humility to advance your own goals and build up others around you in the process. As such, it can be applied in situations where it may be beneficial to express humility, even if the person is not in a higher power dynamic over you, such as with your spouse at times. Women love to feel needed. Even if you have a plan, allowing her to feel involved in the process validates her desire to be helpful to you in what you do. Let her be that help, even if you don't actually need that from her. This is part of where she gets her feels. - **Example 1**: I want to do something unique a certain way in my job. Instead of doing it myself, I go to my boss and ask, ""Do you have any suggestions for how I can handle this somewhat unique situation?"" - **Example 2**: I have a tricky situation coming up with my job so I ask my wife, ""What would you do if you were in my situation?"" Whatever answer she gives, I say, ""Those are some good thoughts."" If she says the thing I was thinking, I answer: ""That's a good idea. I think I'll go with that. I appreciate the help, babe."" She doesn't need to know if I'd already come up with that idea on my own or not. _____ **Key Issue Focusing** *Legal Context* - Virtually everyone in custody cases blurs the line between their own goals/desires and what's best for the children. They always assume that what they want is best for the children, but neglect to connect the two concepts. So, I always prepare my clients for meeting with a GAL or psychologist or before going into a deposition or trial: ""Make sure to connect EVERYTHING to the well-being of the children in some way."" If they can't stay laser-focused on that singular issue, then much of what they say will be deemed ""not credible"" and they can lose. Of course, many judges forget this line too, which isn't helpful. But as soon as one party repeatedly hammers that line and the other party isn't ready for it, you'd better believe the judge will suddenly remember the actual focal point, and guess which parent he's more likely to side with on that focal point? The one who repeatedly demonstrated the connection between their plan and the relevant goal. *Home Application* - I remember days of arguing with my wife where we jumped from one issue to the next and at the end it was all just a confusing mess and the actual core issues beneath the argument became a thing of the past by the end. That doesn't mean the new things that came up weren't significant issues too; they're just independent issues that distracted from resolving the first ones first. Keeping this in mind, ""Key Issue Focusing"" is a framework for applying things like ""broken record"" or ""negative inquiry"" or other WISNIFG strategies in a way that avoids the argument and minimizes your risk of DEERing significantly. The reason that arguments get out of hand and become unproductive is because people over-explain themselves in manners that remind the other person of *even more* things they want to complain about, or at least *more things* that they want to say in defense of their position or feelings. To do ""key issue focusing"" effectively, you use a string of negative inquiry to figure out what the actual core of the issue is, then as the conversation evolves you keep asking questions to bring it back to that. - **Example 1**: Your wife is bouncing between comfort and fitness tests like a game of pong. You ask questions to figure out what's really going on and find out an insecurity issue is at the core of her discontent. She starts talking about how annoyed she feels when you clip your toenails in the living room. ""[Fogging] I can see how that would upset you, but [KIF] we've been talking about the insecurity you've been experiencing and I'd like to focus on that. How does that affect your feelings of insecurity?"" She goes on about how annoying it is. ""[Fogging] I get that and agree you find it gross, which we can talk about later. [KIF/Broken Record] But let's stay on the insecurity topic for now. [Self-disclosure/passing comfort test] You know you're my woman and I care about you. [KIF] That's what's most important here."" - **Example 2**: You're talking to a GAL and tell a story about how the mother is with a new boyfriend who you don't like. **WRONG**: ""He's a dangerous person and shouldn't be around my kids. He has a criminal record for drug possession and assault. She shouldn't be taking people like that around my children."" This is a lot of ""he, he, he"" and ""she."" The kids are mentioned, but not the actual FOCUS of the statement. **RIGHT**: ""My children are experiencing a lot of anxiety through this legal process. Bringing new people into the home who aren't even established in the relationship could put the kids in a situation of building a bond with someone just to have it ripped away from them if it doesn't work out. This guy has a criminal history and if he gets picked up again, he'll probably go to prison, and that would be unnerving to have these relationships come and go without safeguards. That situation would also hurt their relationship with their mom too, if they started seeing her poor choice in men. What's more concerning, though, is that kids with anxiety problems are more prone to self-medicate through the use of drugs, and if this new guy in their home has a history of it, and may even still be doing it, there's a chance that he's going to endorse that type of behavior around them, or at least not discipline them against it, which could really harm them in the long term. The fact that he has an assault on his record also shows that he's easily angered to a point where he'll cross even legal boundaries - and if he did that in a public forum with others watching, how much more will he be willing to lose his anger in a private setting around my kids in a way that will increase their already existing anxiety issues? All around, it's not a good situation for them. [Submissive Posturing] So, I'd really like some feedback on the best way to approach protecting my kids in this situation. Do you have any suggestions?"" _____ **The E-Mail Formula** *Legal Context* - While this is generally a blend of other strategies, it's worth noting that when I find a client constantly communicating in ways that are damaging to their case, I always coach them on how they can communicate better in writing. After all, written communication will generally be used as exhibits against you if the other side can find a way to do so. So, I created a general formula for high conflict situations to create a productive and self-preserving written record in case the communication is ever shown to anyone else. *Home Application* - The same communication strategy can work when you're dealing with conflict in the workplace, with your spouse, neighbors, etc. The only thing that may be different is that in some contexts you're less likely to have someone ever take a look at what you're writing - especially if it's a verbal conversation where you're applying this pattern. That said, do be mindful that even audio can be recorded, and you never know when a co-worker will want to get you fired, a spouse may want to leave you (even drudging up texts from a year or two prior), another person in the church will want to stir up trouble with you to the pastor, etc. So, tact in communication is generally warranted in most situations. With that said, here's the formula (no, I didn't bother to come up with some cool acronym; make up your own if you prefer): - **Empathy**: Validate their feelings without validating their position on the issue and, if possible, share in them openly. ""I'm sorry that you're frustrated by this situation. I am too."" - **Grace**: Communicate a way of giving them the benefit of the doubt (i.e. pre-buffering). ""I believe you mean well and hope you know that I truly do understand your position."" - **Repeat**: Repeat what they're saying in your own words to confirm your understanding. This is not always necessary, but can be useful in some contexts. ""From what I can tell, you're concerned about x, y, and z because of a, b, and c."" - **Assert**: Share your viewpoint in contrast in a clear, concise, and definitive way applying buffering (if you haven't already above). ""[Buffering] While I can understand why you'd think that way, [Harsh Truth] I simply cannot agree. I believe h, i, and j is better because r, s, and t."" - **Offer**: Give them an olive branch - a way to look like the good guy or else pigeon-hole themselves into being the bad one. ""[Buffering] I know you don't agree with me, [Harsh Truth] but a decision has to be made [Offer] and I'd like for us to work together on this. Are you willing to join me in doing things this way?""",,140,Red-Curious,2021-08-05 06:58:49 marriedredpill,owz55a,"Own Your Shit Weekly - August 03, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,21,AutoModerator,2021-08-03 08:30:14 marriedredpill,ouy0f8,Emotional Control,"There have been many ways to describe why men should be in the gym training. I want to emphasize what you just read. There have been many ways to describe why men should be in the gym **training**. Not working out. Not exercising. There's a key difference between training and all that other stuff. When you train you deliberately push yourself to be better, to increase skill, athleticism, ability, all of it. You are pushing it every day, breaking down, rebuilding all the way. When you exercise or any other version thereof you are just trying to maintain your health, preserve ability, which is a fine goal yet it isn't the purpose of what you are to be doing here. Running doesn't make you better at anything other than...well...running. Experienced lifters know that nothing can fry your nervous system like heavy loads. At a certain point it's no longer about being jacked or mass but its about nerve activation. That’s why, in powerlifting, lifters alter their lifts from the standard bench, squat, deadlift. They change it up. Rotate the types of bench they do and have a cycle they follow. Having a good recovery plan is vitally important. A big key in keeping your CNS happy is the appropriate use of variety, but first you need to get your mind right. I have often said the deadlift is the most emotional lift of the Big Three. It's the baseline of the strength lifts. A good deadlift can tell you a lot about your raw power, but it comes at a cost. Nothing can fry your nervous system like heavy deadlift. It is an emotional vampire. When it comes down to it, you have to find some way to make the part of you that wants a *bigger lift, to be a better man, husband, father, and overall better LIFE,* than the part of you that doesn’t want it. You have to get set and lift it. It's about your mindset, overcoming negative talk. All that ""I'm a pussy let me have it"", ""My wife yelled at me, what did I do wrong"", ""she this"", ""She that"". You can't blame the bar when you can't lift it. You know your wife is already going to be pushing you. Why let her? She knows your weaknesses, so does the bar at the gym. If you have a training plan every day you get a little stronger, little better than you were the day before. That being the case, it’s especially critical that you optimize your training environment, and even more specifically, your emotional climate, prior to a serious pulling session. Negative talk, years of thinking you can't do it, can't be better...You have to overcome it. When I get on the platform for a meet I have to maintain emotional control. The crowd, judges, lights. no matter how many lifts I have it is this moment I cannot practice for. I can train and train how to bench, deadlift, squat. Set up multiple times, but I cannot be prepared for the moment I walk up to a different bench, different monolith. 3 judges that have never seen me before. No one cares just last week I have a pinched nerve, no one cares that I struggle on lift off. She doesn't care that you are sick, that you had a hard day at work. I have to have developed the ability to control my emotions during my lifts. By ’emotional control’ I mean two things: The first is that you cannot have anger or discouragement. You have to overcome these. Preparing for a new PR, or walking into the house finding her upset at you; either way these emotions hurt you. They drag you down and will breed doubt, despair. Your mind wants to protect you. It will find the easy way out and it will listen to these negative thoughts. It will bring up every situation in which you have failed. Remind you why it's just better to sit on the couch eating Doritos and getting her coffee and drinks when she tells you to. The second is that you need to create emotions that are helpful to you, like aggression, excitement, and optimism. Most people let their emotions be influenced by what’s happening during an event. If they’re performing poorly on the field, their emotions go down, and their game tends to follow. Coming here and talking about how pathetic you are, how much of a beta you are. We know this. Otherwise you wouldn't have been here. Is it really important? Gather you mind together, start controlling all that vitriol. Reminding yourself of these past things will bring you down and keep you there. Great athletes don’t let their emotions be determined by what’s happening on the field. Just as you shouldn't let your wife control your emotional stability. Athletes use the emotional energy, but instead of giving in to the negative they’re trying to create a positive emotional state. Maintaining emotional control is one of the keys to winning. This is why you train. You are not just exercising, not just getting in shape. Every lift is forming your emotional control.",,101,ReddJive,2021-07-31 01:16:24 marriedredpill,osiu7m,"Own Your Shit Weekly - July 27, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,19,AutoModerator,2021-07-27 08:30:12 marriedredpill,orwhl4,"So you have ED, What are you going to do about it?","I got a lot of PM’s after posting my field report a while back asking me about the issues I had when I was struggling to get it up with plates. Turns out there are a lot of guys who struggle with this and it can really get inside your head and mess with you if you don't face the problem. There’s currently nothing on the side bars here or for the main RP reddit for this, so I decided to make the thread so you don't have to. The purpose of this post is to help you start addressing the problems if you are struggling to get it up and actually keep it that way to enjoy it. For my background, I ran my MAP and ultimately decided my relationship wasn’t right for me. Regardless of how much I loved my partner in the past, staying in that situation was not what I wanted in life. I suspect most of you still in your marriages probably don't have this problem, but based on the messages I received there will be a lot of you in the same boat. It’s not an easy topic to talk about and that’s probably part of your problem if you are finding it difficult to enjoy sex with new girls. There are a couple of things you need to figure out when looking into this. The main one; Is this a physical problem or is this a psychological one? If you think its physical don't be dumb and go see a Doctor and get professional help. If it’s the latter, the good news is **That you can beat this**. A good check to see which camp you’re in: do you still get morning wood, or do you rise to the occasion when you jerk off? If the answer to either of those questions is yes, then you know its psychological. It’s going to take work, but if you went through all of the effort lifting, figuring out your finances, leading, dressing well, building charisma and actually going on dates, what's a bit more work to actually have the sex you wanted but wasn't getting from your wife? There are quite a few areas your problem could come from. I can’t cover everything in a single post, but I will give you a rough idea of where to start. The main issues usually come from these issues: - **Pre-sex nerves/performance anxiety** You matched with that 24 year old hottie on Tinder, you have the date set up and sex is on the cards. Fantastic, except you start to think about how you could fuck this up and start to feel nervous. Feeling nervous and excited is almost the same thing, but a lot of the time we can get the signals mixed up and end up worrying and pacing around before the date rather than pumping out *Ride with me* by Nelly on your Alexia as you get ready to live the chad life you've earned. This is a frame issue, you haven't internalized that you actually deserve to have fun and that you have attracted this person. **You can’t keep it up during sex** Maybe you get a solid semi but can't seem to get it all the way or keep it. I actually have this problem when I use condoms. When I was with my Ex, we used other contraceptives and I hadn't put my glove on in 9 years. I was fortunately blessed with great equipment which comes with a consequence that I can’t get my size condoms over the counter and have to order them online. For my size they only come in industrial can't feel shit thickness (so if your rolling up with an average one, you can laugh at this as you buy your ultra thin “am I actually wearing one” condoms). The catch is that you should always be wearing one with plates, you’re playing with fire if you don't. It was a weird feeling and the first time I tried plating I was trying to do the job with a semi which starts to get in your head and makes it more likely you will lose your erection or it pushes you to want to end the session as fast as possible so your partner doesn't find out your struggling (**hiding the bad**). Part of this issue comes from “**spectating**” meaning all of your focus is on your dick and you're panicking every time it goes down slightly. Normally your level of hardness fluctuates but you don't notice it because you’re in the moment enjoying all the different sensations. This is overthinking. If you haven’t internalized the things you have learned here and have to think of your exact response to X shit test, you will live in your head and not your body. A bad experience like this starts to lead into the next problem: - **Getting out of your head** If it doesn't work out and you can't get your dick to stand at attention with a girl, it can start to get into your head and the problem will get worse. The first time it happened to me I was in my early 20s, just out of a year long relationship and my ex hit me up because she wanted to be dicked down. I remember going back to hers after a drink, and my guy decided to check out on me. I tried foreplay, going down on her, using my hand but my dick wasn't going anywhere. She got up and said you’re such a fucking disappointment got dressed and kicked me out of her house. I had never had the problem before and that really messed with me. For weeks after all I could think was that she had probably told all of her friends and they were all laughing at me. That was long before I found this place and the real truth was I just wasn't into it. I went there for validation that I was still attractive after a break up. My mind set should have been, well these things happen and it's nothing to worry about. I wrongly focused on how I failed and that experience stayed dormant for a long time because I didn't have the tools or the willingness to address it. **You have a loose pelvic floor/ tight pelvic floor muscles** Yea who knew guys had these too. Ask yourself the following questions: - 1. Have you stopped getting morning wood? 2. Do you have blood in your piss? 3. Do you have pain when you pee? 4. Do you ever have the urge to piss, but when you try it won’t come out? If you answered yes to any of these, get off this reddit and go see a doctor you dumb mother fucker and make sure you’re not actually dying. 1. When you start taking a leak, do you find it hard to stop the flow? 2. When you’ve finished peeing, do you leak a few drops even though you thought you were done? 3. Do you have difficulty holding in piss/stool/farts? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may have a loose pelvic floor which can make it hard to keep an erection. 1. Are you struggling with any pelvic pain? (Anywhere from your genitals to your abdominals) 2. Do you need to piss more often? Or have poor flow when you do go? 3. Do you feel any pain when or after you cum? 4. Do you have recurrent bladder infections? 5. Have you had an STI? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you might have a tight pelvic floor, which will make it hard for the blood to get where it needs to. There are a couple of exercises you can do for either situation. For a loose pelvic floor try these: - First, find the right movement. These are muscles you might not even know how to use. Stand in front of the mirror naked. Take a normal breath, and as you breathe out, imagine you’re trying to stop pissing. Clench the muscles. You should see your balls lift slightly. If this doesn’t work, try imagining you’re holding a fart in instead. Again, clench the muscles and look out for the lift. Start with 50% effort: 1. Begin by standing up. Clench your pelvic floor. Make sure you’re not holding your breath or clenching your glute muscles. 2. Hold it for 5 seconds, then relax for 5 seconds. Aim to hold it 10 times in total for the exercise. You will also need to practice this sitting down and laying down. If you are still having trouble with this after 3 months of training, go see a DR. For a tight pelvic floor, you’re looking to do different kinds of stretches, I’d recommend going on youtube and searching for “mens tight pelvic floor exercises”. **Your mental models are fucked up** You may be the guy that took your vows seriously and believed you would only ever be with your wife for the rest of your life. In a weird way, even if she cheated on you, you might feel guilty being with anyone else because you think you are cheating on your wife. This is a tough one and it links to being your own mental point of origin. If she is still the focus of your life it’s going to be more difficult for you to switch from that to railing multiple Tinderella’s. You should go back through some of the content and really work on making sure you have internalized everything. For your benefit, my models were terrible while I was in my relationship. Because I had no frame and I took everything she said seriously, over the years it got to the point where if I wanted sex I felt bad and could only get it if she initiated. This happened over time because I wasn't putting my needs first. It started with “I feel like you're putting too much pressure on me for sex and I feel bad when I cant perform for you”, which progressed to “Don’t stare at me when I’m getting changed, I’m not putting on a show”. To “why don't you initiate?, I’m sick of being the one who has to decide if we have sex” to “I don't feel safe as a women having sex in a world where Donald Trump can be president” onto “ I feel like I’m betraying myself when I have sex with you”. My body over time learned that I could only could have sex when she decides she's ready. I thought that my sexuality made girls uncomfortable and I should shut the fuck up and be grateful for when she came to me. I let this happen to me, If I had set my boundaries early, there is a chance none of these would have ever have been issues. If they were, if I was willing to walk away, I would have never have built these mental models that affected me later down the line. You should look into why you feel weird about sex with new people, you have to rebuild new mental models that puts you first and doesn't feel the need to fucking apologize for being a man and having desires and needs. Anyone telling you to put these away does not have your best interest at heart and shouldn't be someone who gets your commitment. **What else can you do about it** The first thing, unlike other areas of your life is to **NOT** beat yourself up about it. It helps to look in the mirror and say man you are fat get your ass to the gym and get motivated, looking in the mirror and saying I'm a failure as a man if I cant rail a bitch, will actually set you back. The community I found had a great quote, it was “Be careful what you say to yourself because you're listening”. If you have gotten to this point where your getting dates back to your place, getting her all worked up and in the bed and its not working at the last point, you are in fact doing better than all of the guys slinging one off the wrist, playing call of duty and complaining that women aint shit and only want to fuck chads while they look over a 50 page power point about what an attractive guy is. Think of this problem as an internalization check of all the content. Go back over it and see if you really are who you say you are. **Frame is everything even in this situation**. You can be honest with your partner before you even get to the bedroom, you can open the conversation and say “Look, I'm a little bit quirky and I don't always get it up. It’s not you and we are still going to have a fucking good time, just don't worry about that if it doesn't happen, its not you at all.” Here you are being vulnerable but at the same time leading and taking ownership of the situation. If the girl opts out, no worries, you avoided a potential set back and if she accepts (most will) then you can relax knowing that she knows what she signed up for and is OK with it. Another way to frame it in a more joking way is to say “My dicks like Thors hammer, only she who is worthy can get it up”. Say this with a cheeky grin on your face and watch her reaction. Here you’re taking ownership of the situation and also aren't being shy about it. You are also challenging the girl in a playful way. A Tinder date I said this too gave me the best blowjob of my life because she got really competitive, when I got to full attention she was so turned on because she thought she had earned it, I felt relaxed because I took the pressure off of me. **Try meditation and breathing exercises**. Sometimes this will feel like magic crystals and all that bull shit, but it helps lower your anxiety and check in with yourself. Knowing how your body works and being able to find the calm will help you relax before you are the guy at the Cancun foam party that the girl will be thinking of when she's having duty sex with her husband in 15 years wondering why she's not “Happy”. **Talk about it with your guy friends**. You’re not less of a man for having trouble, it's not a case of not being alpha. If you refuse to address the problem and carry it around for years that's you not taking charge in life. **Take a shower.** Try this exercise, when you shower, how much do you actually feel? can you feel the heat, do you feel all the water hitting you. Focus on each of your senses one at a time. get out of your head and actually experience the muti sensory thing happening. Some guys only focus on their dick during sex, a lot more is happening with the smells, tastes and feelings of hands running over you, her legs squishing your hips, her moans. If you are thinking only about having a hard dick, you are not feeling all of these other things happening. Learn to use more than one sense to enjoy sex. **Join the site I worked with**. It’s called Mojo, it helped me and a lot of the content from above is what I learned from there. I still don't have all of my problems sorted but I'm a lot further along and am retaining the 4 plates I have, (for me it's now pretty much finding the right condom so I can really enjoy sex with them because going raw with strangers is a terrible idea). If I can beat this thing, then you sure as fuck can if you put the effort in. Remember, if this is the last hurdle then you are way ahead of where you were when you were getting the Ilybinilwy rejection from your wife as you tried to win her back. If you have a story, throw it in the comments, it will actually help the guys who are worried talk about it and actually start facing their issues, I think you would be surprised how many people choose to suffer in silence who could be helped if they just took ownership and see others facing their issues.",,45,Just_Some_Guy_RP,2021-07-26 11:05:47 marriedredpill,ookqdr,"The Polarizing, Yet Equable and Rational Male","**Steve and Susan** ""You're just like your father!"" Susan shouted at Steve. She knew how to push his buttons, and that particular one stung the most. Steve let out a flurry of cuss words, mumbling promises to himself under his breath between outbursts. He raised a hand to her and she dared him to do it. He knew better. It was 3 in the morning before he came home that night. She tried to apologize, but he was back to his cold, dead self. The excitement only lasted a little while. At least she knew how to get him back to a place where he makes her feel *something*. It's so much easier now that they have to share parental rights of their child. Susan couldn't love a robot, but the fighting humanized Steve - and having solidified their status as cojoined opposing forces in legal documentation, she continues to enjoy the histrionics she came to remember as the only thing from her marriage that was worth talking about with her girl friends. In fact, it helped her find a new man who was only too eager to play the hero. She felt something with him ... as long as her ex continued to make her feel like the damsel in distress. Otherwise she was just as bored with segundo macho. Steve hasn't found another input-giver to take coding from yet. _____ **Polarization** Polarization has value. But jumping from one off-putting characteristic to another is not being polar. It's closer to being bipolar. Valuable polarization comes when one crowd identifies with you and another despises you. It lets you know quickly where you stand, and builds a powerful bond of camaraderie with those on your end of the line. It also creates a strong emotional reaction with those on the other side that can, in many cases (though not all), result in an ""opposites attract"" path opening up. Steve was not polarizing with his wife. He was agonizing. But there were two more things he also was not: **Equable** Equability is when a man is able to remain calm and centered in the midst of troubles that come his way. As the Bible says, he is ""not easily angered"" and ""keeps no record of wrongs."" He is a static force. He is a rock in the midst of the stormy seas - a rock that some people despise and others love, but a rock nonetheless. Steve was not equable. Equability is a virtue that is not expressed in any one moment, but as a broader character trait that can only be understood with observation through a multitude of scenarios of varying intensity. At times Steve was shallow and robotic, but it wasn't hard for Susan to rile him up. It wouldn't be proper to say he was ""equable in his calmer moments"" and then simply ""stopped being equable"" when he became angry any more than I could say that ""Bob is an honest man, except when he tells lies."" **Rational** I don't believe Rollo titled his books simply because the name sounded cool. He understood that rational thought is a shockingly rare commodity these days. People are beholden to their emotions as the foundation for their decisions. The dominance of feelings over rational thought is apparent not only in intersexual relationships, but also in politics, our educational system, the business/marketplace, and even the judiciary - the one bastion of logic and argument that should have held out. The church is no exception. It is not sufficient that a man has the capability to express rational thought. He must BE a rational male. Rationality is not a factor of intelligence or mere logical clarity. A man is irrational when his behaviors don't align with what he knows to be the proper course of conduct. When a man discovers the red pill and intellectually grasps that ONEitis is destroying him, yet he continues to cede to the contrary impulses at work in him, he is irrational. Rationality is not only about how well you can comprehend your own circumstances, but also how you translate that into behaviors that dominate over your emotional predispositions. Steve was not rational. Even if he knew why Susan was pushing his buttons, he didn't behave in a manner that was grounded on any real solution. He never bothered to rationalize his circumstances or assess solutions to his problems. He is still unhappy to this day, last I knew him. _____ **Jeff and Jane** Jeff was a character. He was funny, ~~even~~ especially when he didn't know it. Not everyone got his type of humor, so there was a degree of polarization too. You had to appreciate the macabre to get him. Jane didn't. She romanticized men like Steve because of the high paying job, well-groomed haircut, and flashy clothes. Steve knew how to attract a woman, but not how to keep her interested. Jeff was the opposite. It took a man like Steve in his life to play ""wingman"" before Jane gave him the time of day. After the first introduction was made, Jane was reassured by Jeff's unending fun with life, even when pessimistic. He once was genuinely worried he would be fired from his job, but teased Jane endlessly about the ""poor, homeless schmuck she'd soon be dating."" Whether she believed there was any real risk or not, it was obvious that even when times were bad he knew how to make her laugh and enjoy what life brought their way. He was never fired. Jeff and Jane are engaged. I don't know if marriage will change Jeff as it does for so many. But I do know that Jeff, at least for now, is equable. His demeanor is entertainingly consistent (and I include that modifier by necessity, not merely for emphasis), despite that the things he has experienced would trouble the average Steve into a cold depression or an angry storm. He is also rational. He understands that his behaviors have consequences and affect his relationship and sexuality, and he allows that cognizance to be the primary contributor (over emotional impulsivity) toward the resolve he has in maintaining his affable nature. _____ **Patrick and Sally** It's not quite fair to compare Steve and Susan with Jeff and Jane because Jeff and Jane are still ""young and in love."" It's easy to overlook a lot and stay positive when you're still in your mid-20s, broadly untainted by the burden of responsibility, and new in a relationship with lots yet to explore about each other. Patrick and Sally have been through all that. Patrick and Sally are who I imagine Jeff and Jane will become someday, if they don't lose what they have going for them right now. I've seen Steves and Susans in the dating phases of life too, and it's never pretty when solemnized. Patrick and Sally have not only learned to enjoy each other without regard for their circumstances, but they have also learned to balance that with the weight of the responsibilities God has given them in life - responsibilities not only to their own family, but to a much bigger purpose that they could not manufacture for themselves. [It took this purpose to help them work past their low points](https://www.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/6toetn/108_lifepath_of_a_relationship/) before Patrick could lead Sally into a healthy and sexually fulfilling bond that remains today. Patrick is the head of a local student ministry where Christians are not welcome. He and Sally are constantly struggling between a family of believers who love them and a secular institution that has engaged in legal proceedings on at least two occasions to kick them out. It makes life interesting, if not worrisome. He is a polarizing person on his campus, and not shy to engage in conversation with those he knows oppose him. You have to be that way in ministry. His theme verse for his family is both equable and rational: ""I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want: ..."" He humorously leaves off the far more popular concluding verse in an effort to draw on others' curiosity while simultaneously emphasizing the context that is so often forgotten. Patrick is a man I want to be like in many ways.",,34,Red-Curious,2021-07-21 06:54:52 marriedredpill,ony06g,"Own Your Shit Weekly - July 20, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,29,AutoModerator,2021-07-20 08:30:13 marriedredpill,ojbcfj,"Own Your Shit Weekly - July 13, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,32,AutoModerator,2021-07-13 08:30:14 marriedredpill,oeqtvf,"Own Your Shit Weekly - July 06, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,20,AutoModerator,2021-07-06 08:30:13 marriedredpill,oa44fj,"Own Your Shit Weekly - June 29, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,32,AutoModerator,2021-06-29 08:30:10 marriedredpill,o5i5ir,"Own Your Shit Weekly - June 22, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,18,AutoModerator,2021-06-22 08:30:20 marriedredpill,o32gsr,Plate/ Wife/ LTR says Xyz prompt,"Ok folks been awhile. Thanks for patient mods. Let me include below my supplement to the 16 Commandments of Poon which have served me well for the past 6y+ since I found RP etc., and more than answers folks wondering what to say / do when she says x y z I copy paste straight from my notes app, with a few edits . Hope this helps at least a brother out there. READ 16 Commandments of Poon. Do it daily if you must. There’s a reason they’re called “commandments “. Here’s a few more: 17. Never argue with a woman. There is only to be lost from attempting to convince her of your point of view through arguments. If you’re right, she’ll make you mad until you do something stupid. If you’re wrong she’ll argue the point and again you lose. It’s a lose-lose situation, just like Bill Burr said so eloquently and amusingly. 18. Show me the hottest woman and I’ll show you a man who’s tired of fucking her [ yes I got this one from this subreddit or I think it’s an iron rule of tomassi, not sure]. Infatuation with a woman is ephemeral. For every hot woman out there, there are 1,000 hot ones who turn 18 every day. Don’t get oneitis. Happened to the best PUAs out there. 19. A quiet woman is a bad sign. Make them and let them talk. Watch and listen. Do not give advice, except in extreme and rare cases. She does not want / need your opinion 99% of the time. Make her talk, emote. Watch for her emotions. BUT!! Do not be her emotional tampon. If she dumps too much nonsense and takes too much time, it becomes your problem. She should have her girlfriends for all the banter and blah blah. The idea is to be on the lookout if she goes quiet when around you. 20. Planning is everything. A man without a plan is not a man. Thank Friedrich Nietsche for that one. Always have a plan. Date, vacations, travel, even people. Watch for insidious “let’s go out with a b c” friend of hers . If you don’t have a solid plan, you’ll end up in some weird situation where over time her social circle is yours. Congrats, you’re a beta male most likely, just there for the ride. 21. Watch what they do, ignore what they say. Actions are what matter. Words are a dime a dozen. Bags of air, as Robert Greene says. This is fundamental. 22. Never explain anything to a woman. Never explain your behavior and why you do what you do. Share your plans when it makes sense, but watch not to qualify yourself in front of her. The do-nor-DEER we talk about here all the time. If you lay out a plan that needs details to be communicated, it should happen from / in your frame. You own it, she’s your first officer and partner. 23. Be attractive. Do not be unattractive. This involves mainly appearance, body language, and speech. It also involves attitude, tone of voice, and overall demeanor. Again, lots on this sub about it. Be her James Bond, Han Solo etc. no excuses on this. It’s game 101 and why you want a woman to be with you in the first place.",,90,Redpillbrigade17,2021-06-18 22:55:56 marriedredpill,o09gcm,"Own Your Shit Weekly - June 15, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,17,AutoModerator,2021-06-15 08:30:12 marriedredpill,nzbaia,60 DoD 2021 Scoreboard,"Since I went to the trouble of all this tallying this year, I thought you might like it if I share. People who posted their 60 DoD progress in at least 6 or more OYS weeklies (in no particular order): * u/midlife_madness * u/red_koan * u/AlphalfaSprout * u/RedCoquette * u/TheDatsyukian * u/GetOffMyLawn74 * u/TRT_Maybe_Deca All of these members are to be congratulated, and have earned 60 DoD '21 flair. u/TheDatsyukian earned a special flair for this year. Since he did a lot of hard work on facing his fears, he shall now be known to all a Muad'Dib, in reference to the Dune theme in the Game post this year. (If none of that makes sense to you, go read the book that made people take science fiction seriously, Dune.) People who posted 4 or 5 times, but fell off at some point: * u/Top_Ranger6006 * u/senordingdong912 * ~~u/ragnar_Daneskjold~~ Need to step it up, guys. So close but so far. There was a group of several that posted up to three times only. Not worth listing here. You know who you are, and you're lucky I didn't ban you. Now, let the salt flooooowwwww.... Finally, a big group of winners earned 60 day bans for publicly saying they would participate, and then never reporting in (and likely not actually participating): * u/hopeunseen * u/Bitr0t * u/TakeIIRP * u/ArtOfFinesse * ~~u/hmpanon~~ * u/Militant-Ginger * u/aussie_darrow * u/bpgack * u/ragnar_114 * u/looking_for_awesome * u/srrp * ~~u/ImPissedOffALot~~ * u/HeWhoIsBearded * u/eburonRP * u/Shuffleshoe * ~~u/ehsan720~~ We're not here to tell you you're great because you thought about doing something cool and shot your mouth off about it in public. Get fucked. Housekeeping: Feel you're the victim of an accounting error? You might be; I didn't count that carefully. Really did a bunch of work and just didn't tell us about it? Contact me and we'll hash it out. **EDIT:** A couple people (u/SpareTireBob and u/_Northern_Yeti) pointed out that I missed them. Fair enough. ~~u/ehsan720 is going to give us a report here or the ban hammer comes out again.~~ **EDIT 2:** u/ragnar_Daneskjold joins the completer list. **EDIT 3:** u/ehsan720 fulfilled his reporting duty and has earned his flair. **EDIT 4:** u/hmpanon has been recovered from the garbage heap due to accounting error. **EDIT 5:** u/ImPissedOffALot has earned flair, but wishes to remain banned. Don't ask, it's complicated.",,21,SorcererKing,2021-06-14 01:27:16 marriedredpill,nxo4ab,The Simple but Power Effects of Small Red Pill Behavior Adjustments,"One Friday night several years ago, not long after I first encountered the various Red Pill forums and had been devouring their content, the wife and kids decided they wanted to go to P.F. Chang. The closest P.F. Chang is in an area I used to work in about 15 years before, but I wasn't very familiar with current dining options in the area. But, by chance, about a week before, an old colleague had invited me to lunch at a newly-opened, hip Asian fusion restaurant in the area. The family and I went to P.F. Chang but upon arrival we discovered that there was an unacceptably long wait. Everybody was starving. I thought of the Asian fusion restaurant nearby that my former colleague had taken me to. At this point, a set of impulses welled up inside of me: I had the impulse to tell my wife all about how I knew of this other restaurant because my former colleague had taken me there; I had the impulse to describe the restaurant for her in detail--where it is, what kind of food they have, what the decor is like, etc.; I had the impulse to conclude by asking her ""So do you want to go there?"" The old me would have done so. But influenced by my recent RP readings, I repressed those impulses. Instead, I had the following exchange with her: Me: ""So you guys are in the mood for Asian fusion, huh?"" Her: ""Yeah."" Me: ""I know a place. Follow me."" Without even waiting for a reaction, I just started walking towards the car. My wife let out this audible response that I can only describe as an approving quasi-orgasmic cooing sound. I didn't let on that I noticed her reaction, but it actually made quite an impression. This was the first occasion that I actually tried to implement in real life some of the theory I had been reading about. Things had gotten pretty stale and platonic and here she is just melting and cooing based on one small adjustment in my behavior. I remember thinking: ""Wow, this is powerful shit."" We had a great time. **Lead. Be decisive. Tell, don't ask. Take the burden off of her. Reserve some mystery**. There was no point in telling her I knew of this restaurant because of my former colleague. This would only serve to cause her to think, on a subconscious level, ""oh, my husband doesn't know any cool places; his colleague does."" By not mentioning it, she marvels: ""How does my husband know about this cool place?"" ""My husband is the kind of guy who knows about new, hip places."" If I had ticked off all of the characteristics of the restaurant, I would not only be implicitly seeking her approval, thereby recognizing her as the true authority figure in the relationship and communicating that my own judgment is not to be trusted, I also would be depriving her of the opportunity to be surprised and delighted. If I vomited out all of the details (A, B, C and D) about the restaurant, one of two things would happen: (1) She might show up and agree: ""yeah, sure enough, A, B, C and D."" Not a terrible outcome but not very exciting that, yes, everything was exactly as expected; or (2) She might show up and think: ""yes, A, B and C; but this place isn't D."" She feels let down. She feels like I promised something that I didn't deliver. Her opinion of my judgment is diminished. Instead, tantalized by my confidence and decisiveness, but intrigued by the lack of details, her imagination can percolate. Just putting her in this positive and playful frame of mind increases the likelihood of a positive outcome. And you won't fail to deliver, because you haven't promised anything specific. One of the reasons that this situation made such an impression on me was because of how utterly mundane it was, and what a minor adjustment I made. Yet, the impact was outsized. Now, any one experience like this, on its own, isn't going to turn everything around for you. But if you start layering experiences like this, one after another, it can have a big impact.",,147,Mr_KenSpeckle,2021-06-11 19:29:05 marriedredpill,nuzxup,"Own Your Shit Weekly - June 08, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,20,AutoModerator,2021-06-08 08:30:11 marriedredpill,nq7b9p,60 DoD: END,"Another year, another 60 days. Congratulations to all those of you who participated in this year's 60 DoD event. In basic bitch mode we examined motivations and inhibitions in all of our core areas. Hopefully if you participated you learned that the only thing holding you back is you. You learned that negative self-concept is completely useless and that you are defined by how you present to the world, not by how you are used to seeing you. In several areas you hopefully learned that fear is the everything-killer, and it is making you miss opportunity for quality human connections. Finally, I hope that you took away the idea that complacency and impatience are tools of the ego designed to resist change: ""I'll start tomorrow,"" and his good friend, ""This isn't working."" Habits are ingrained behaviors that take some time to set, good or bad. You didn't fuck yourself up over night, you won't unfuck yourself over night either. Starting tomorrow is just another day wasted. As has become my tradition, I'll likely hand out some flair for those of you who actually were brave enough to track your 60 DoD in your OYS. I might hand out some bans for people who said they were in on Week 1 and then never participated. Ouch, that accountability thing can be a real bitch sometimes, huh?",,42,SorcererKing,2021-06-01 23:09:50 marriedredpill,npp633,"Own Your Shit Weekly - June 01, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,24,AutoModerator,2021-06-01 08:30:12 marriedredpill,nnq0ar,Text Game,"*Off the jump I am going to assume you are texting someone you are interested in - if you are not, it would be more worth you time just to schedule a time to hang out. That said, all of my advice will be for people texting others they are interested in and have chatted with for a decent amount of time. This is an introduction to texting game - so obviously most of you will still benefit from just avoiding texting except for coordination altogether. * When it comes to texting, there are a few points to always strongly consider. First, that you are only using texting as an accoutrement or an ""appetizer"" to having IRL conversation with you. If you are messaging a girl for more than, say, an hour, you are probably over doing it. Second, if she isn't into you, age out the relationship with grace. Nothing is more unattractive than a ""you ugly b!t$% message me back."" Third, this is a tool - on principle alone if you are messaging a girl conversationally, your IRL game likely is still too weak. Here are some more axioms to think about: #1) Sandwich sexual energy with questions. This gives them plausible deniability (encourages ASD) but also allows them to revel in your sexually charged conversation. Ex: Girl: ""Do you think this swimsuit would look good on me?"" Me: ""(A)It'd look better off, but I guess it looks okay on you. 😈😈😈 (B)Where are you getting it from, looks great!"" --- • If they respond to point (A) positively, then obviously that is good. • If they ""ignore"" point (A) but respond to point (B) they enjoy the attention and don't want it to stop, but may not necessarily feel comfortable messaging back so forwardly. • If they respond to point (A) negatively, or give a response that is strictly informational ex: ""Macys"" then pull back. They are either uninterested, offended, or annoyed - and at this point all you can do is salvage it, which is never worth it considering you can just find someone who is interested. #2) Recognize ""Conversation Killers"" If the person you are chatting with is pushing the burden of carrying the interaction onto you, they are not interested in chatting at best. Worst, they are actively annoyed you are texting them and are just being polite. You will notice the burden of conversation is on you if: a) Most or all of their responses complete an answer without offering their own novel question or insight. ex: Me: What did you think of [movie title]? Her: It was good, I really liked it. Me: *drop conversation* b) They respond strictly with information and no follow-up. ex: Me: What are you doing at 4:00pm? Her: I'll be doing [xyz immovable thing.] Me: *drop conversation* c) Their messages are consistently between 1 to 3 words long. ex: Me: What do you think of (friend I introduced you to) Her: He was nice. Me: *drop conversation* If they are doing these things, wait until they drop a CK on you, and just allow the chat to die. You only stand to lose face for being the one who doesn't recognize when someone doesn't want to chat with you. #3) Allow the natural ebb and flow of conversation to happen. Forcing conversation is going to make you seem ""dry"". When conversation is engaging, ask questions beyond the scope of just ""wbu"". However, when a lull occurs accept it, wait until they give you a CK and peave the conversation for another day. Little is gained and much is risked from forcing texts with someone. #4) Questions to stay away from: • ""How are you?"" - answers to this will provide little to no conversational value, and ultimately are a drain on the asker. • ""What's up?"" - If asking as a genuine question rather than a passive response to a greeting. The responses to this are very limited, ""NMU?"" ""Go to xyz place."" ""Chilling with xyz person."" It's a blasé question with an even more laborious answer. • ""How do you feel?"" OR ""What's on your mind."" 🤢🤮 Not even going to dignify this. Just don't do it. This has helped me in dating exponentially, and with tweaking works with friendships as well.",,46,Praexology,2021-05-29 15:39:39 marriedredpill,nlakob,60 DoD Week 8: Social,"60 DOD Social The previous posts on social cover a lot of the basics that if you haven’t read, you should do so. * [Why it is important to have social game](https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/gvathe/60dod_week_8_social_life/) * [How to build your social circles] (https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/bs6dzk/60_days_of_dread_week_8_getting_social_in_your/) * [Types of social activities you can do](https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/4a4sba/60_days_of_dread_week_8_social_life/) I’m going to hit this from another angle this year. &nbsp; **Social groups, how to maintain them and how to improve them** We should all be involved in social groups and should all find ourselves in social settings. In these social settings, there is an unspoken set of rules, agreed upon but never discussed. If you’re aware of that, and know your place in that, you’ve got some basic social intelligence. &nbsp; **How social groups form** They form from shared interests. In a work setting, you all work at the same place. You can expect the conversation will always fall back to work related topics - these are safe topics that are easy to explore and discuss because you all have the same shared experience and interests. In a non-work setting, these might be groups based on sports you play together, the university you all went to, even the high school you all went to years ago. But they are all based on the same thing - a shared common interest. If the groups continue for several years, often the people within the group will no longer be directly involved in the shared interest. People change jobs. They leave university, they change sports, they change hobbies. But, if the group is strong, if the people have built relationships that go beyond the initial interest, the group will continue. How do you build connections strong enough so that they last longer than a few years? To understand that, it helps to understand the general arrangement of groups. I’ve observed two main types of social groups. I’ve not read a single book, article or blog on groups or group structures, so this is directly from my experience. &nbsp; *The Hierarchy structure* This group or setting is well stratified. You know who the decision maker is, and you know the next couple of people who are ‘next in line’. In a work setting, this is generally based on company hierarchy. You go out with the ‘team’ and the team takes the same hierarchal structure into the social setting. The manager still calls the shots. But there is some rubber in this, and social capital has a role to play. The unpopular people in the team will be socially isolated, and the ‘fun/cool’ people will do their own thing. Outcasts are still outcasts, but the play is different. Exclusion is more subtle, as being seen to be an asshole has potential knock-on effects. You are effectively still ‘at work’. In your social circles, you will see a similar structure appear. One of your friends is the leader. They call the shots, they make the decisions. No event occurs without them. They’re the ones who say ‘alright we’re all heading to this bar in 10 minutes so finish up your drinks’. There will generally be a second in charge who may vie for the top position. The rest of the group is roughly organized, with some people more popular, others not so. Positions change over time, but the top dog generally stays as the top dog. &nbsp; *The Communist structure* This is a group of equals. There is no one leader. Everyone leads at some point, and everyone follows at some point. This is more common in older groups or couple groups where people don’t give a shit about their position, everyone has figured out who they are and people either accept it or they don’t. You can still lose standing in this group if you don’t play by the rules. This is a useful group makeup - everyone knows their value and there’s no vying for position or any other bullshit. These also tend to be the most stable groups. &nbsp; *But it’s likely a mix of the two* These are your two extremes. In reality, a group will exist somewhere between these two types. I have one particular group that is made up of some old highschool friends. Back in the day, I was the leader of this group. Now, the group functions more closely to a communist structure. However, if I was to try take the reigns on a night out, it would generally be acceptable, as long as I don’t try to push people too far. These guys know who they are now and do what they want to do. In this setting, the ‘leader’ is more ‘the person who organizes things more often than others’. I have another friends group made up of old work colleagues. This group has one key leader, with one or two other people who will fill that role if the leader is not present. Everyone else is a willing participant. The remainder of the group is stratified into a bunch of people generally at a similar level. &nbsp; **Sometimes I lead, sometimes I follow** There is a time to be the leader, and a time to be a follower. You don’t want to lead every social group you’re a part of. Firstly, because it takes actual work to lead a group. Secondly, because not every group will want you to lead. Any clumsy attempt to take group leadership is going to knock you down several levels in your group. You aren’t always going to be top dog. And you need to be ok with that. On the flipside, and like any hierarchy, you don’t want to be at the bottom. Your job in any group that you want to stay part of is to solidify your position in that group. &nbsp; **The value and the rules** The question to ask yourself is the same question you should always ask in every setting. What value do I add to the group? What value does the group add to me? Any good social group will have implicit value. Generally, the value is the fun and joy of spending your time in the group members company, bonding over shared interests. I don’t know about you guys, but sometimes I’ll plan an event with friends and by the time it comes to actually doing it, my first thought is generally ‘I can’t be bothered tonight, but I’ll go anyway’. However, by the time its over and I’m heading home, I always think ‘damn that was fun, I need to do that more often’. That’s a sign of a group that has value to you. So you understand the group structure, your place in that, and you’ve decided that the group adds value. Now, how do you keep your position in a group that you deem worth of your time, and how do you build relationships that last? Building bonds in both group types is done by fulfilling the expectations of the group. If you’re the leader of a hierarchical group, it means organizing the troops and pulling off awesome social events. If it’s a more communist structure, then it’s about doing your ‘fair share’, bringing wine to the dinner party, hosting when its your time and making it the best damn dinner party you’ve ever hosted. There are always opportunities to add more value if you are interested in doing so. For example, if you’re the sort of person who brews his own beers, and is damn good at it, bringing a carton of those bad boys to a social event is going to be appreciated. Having said that, the same rules apply as to relationships. If you’re desperate for their approval, it comes across as trying to ‘buy’ their friendship. And that is both inauthentic and disgusting. Ever have a kid in school who used to give you sweets if you would talk to him? This is the adult equivalent. If you’re doing it because you genuinely want to share some beers with the boys, they will know. They can tell the difference. Don’t play dumb ‘alpha’ tryhard games. Don’t try to be something you think they’ll like. Just like game, you aren’t here to trick people into liking you. They either like you, or they don’t. If they don’t, you go find another group of people. Do you really want to hang around a bunch of people where you have to pretend to be something you’re not? &nbsp; **Some ways to conduct yourself to build better groups** If your goal in a social situation is to solidify the group and build deeper connections, then your objective is: Move away from the ‘shared/common’ interest as soon as possible, and spend as much time away from that topic as you can manage. If this is the only thing you take away from the post, then it was time well spent. Here’s a bunch of ways you can do that in new situations: * Everyone loves to talk about themselves. You start by asking broad questions that lead into more specific questions. Why are you asking questions? You want to get to the point where the person you are speaking to starts talking about something they are actually passionate about. Then, you relate similar experiences that indicate you understand their passion, and use that to build rapport. This works particularly well in industry settings. In more ‘social’ settings, you ideally want people to start asking questions about you. If they don’t, they probably suck and you should move on. * Be interesting. If your life consists of going to work, coming home, watching TV and sleeping, then you’re not interesting to talk to or be around. People like passion. You need to actually care about something enough that if you get the chance to talk about it, you relish it. * Test the waters. In the corporate world, the dynamics are often clearly defined. I am a consultant, they are the client. They dictate the social rules. You start with safe topics that you have in common and start moving away. What I do is break away from the formal face I put on and see how they react. The idea is to get them to relate to you as a person. If they also drop the formal façade, then you’re in. The more time you spend in these situations the better feel you get for it. You start looking for the little signs that they’re opening up. They drop a swear word. They make a joke. If you ever hear ‘I probably shouldn’t be saying this’, you’re in. The same thing applies in general social situations. * Be bold. Once you know your crowd, you can push the boundaries. This is where you can start dropping bigger, bolder comments. Ramp things up. Drop some slight insults. Double down on them and then insult yourself. Keep things fun and interesting. * The point of all this is to move yourself away from the initial shared/common interest and push yourself into the realm of ‘person who I relate to in a bunch of other ways’. Do you have a group of friends where when someone asks, ‘how do you guys all know each other’, you all stop and look at one another in bewilderment, because it feels like you’ve known each other forever and no-one can even remember how it all started? That’s a group whose bonds transcend their initial shared interests. The take away message is that every group, every social situation, every relationship is both exactly the same and different. Understand the dynamic and move away from ‘safe’ shared interest topics as quickly as possible. Fulfil your role in the group. Like all relationships, they take time and effort and you need to put in to get something out of it. And have fun, this is suppose to be fun, remember?",,32,threekindsoflucky,2021-05-26 06:59:14 marriedredpill,nkrp6a,"Take a Penny, Leave a Penny - Field Report","This post is to put some value back into the pot I took value out of. I will cover my journey, things I did right and the mistakes I made along the way to get there. I’m not some super alpha giga chad, but I'm very different from the person I started as. Take from this post what you need and leave the rest. This is a long post of my journey so be warned. I found the MRP reddit almost the same way most of you did, that oh so common google search, “why wont my girlfriend/wife fuck me”. Of course I found the dead bedroom reddit and saw a post from a guy in a similar place to me. All of the comments were coddling and offering nothing other than it’s not your fault she's just low libido. One comment stood out from a user where he simply asked the writer, did you get fat, needy and unattractive? He got downvoted into oblivion and eventually banned from the sub reddit. I saw that comment, looked down at myself then at everyone else offering advice when they were in the same position with their sob stories and thought, I did get fat needy and unattractive. Was I actually the problem? (the answer yes, it was absolutely my fault). I have been lurking here for about 3 years now and want to share my experience so you can compare it to your own notes. Some background about the relationship, I was with her for just under 10 years, we didn't marry (live in LTR). She had some common traits many of you have seen, extreme leftist, feminist, attractive, amazing sex in the beginning. The usual stuff before you found yourself here. An uncommon trait was that she had a health issue that was recognized as a pre-existing condition for insurance reasons, but not a disability so she was entitled to anything. I met her, put on my shining white armor and said “let me look after you”. Like everybody here it all started out great, I had a hot girl living with me that I got to fuck all of the time, sure there are some concessions I have to make from time to time, but my life is amazing. Those concessions became bigger and bigger until I found out I only had 2 boundaries that I was actually willing to enforce. I wanted to make her happy and was prepared to sacrifice my own happiness to make that happen. I would probably still be getting run over by that relationship if she kept fucking me, so in a way I am so glad that she stopped and I was motivated to fix my life. The 2 boundaries I had were: - She must have a job I don't want to get married Because I had caved in on every other boundary I thought I had, there was no reason to not think these were actually just things I said, not real boundaries. This caused many fights where we would both discuss our feelings and would end up with me apologizing just to make the uncomfortable feelings go away and maybe get some sex out of it. If you have read the sidebar or done any work here at all, you know how that story ends. My job at the time was also massively underpaying me and I knew it, but I kept justifying it as they will give me a raise when they can afford it thinking they will see all of my good work and realize they need me. My life was riddled with covert contracts and for some unknown reason at the time, I felt unhappy and worried all the time. At the 2 year mark in the relationship of living together, I get asked “so when are you going to propose?”. I deflected the question because I didn't want to have to enforce a boundary. Rather than be willing to die on a hill that was important to me, I wanted to protect that hill by saying don't look at it, let's go somewhere else. I had no idea what frame was and truthfully all of the other work you do here will be meaningless if you cannot hold frame, especially when it concerns your own interests. This is more important than even lifting, game or any of the other things you will do on this journey. You have to be able to look in the mirror and know that it's your main job to make sure the sack of meat in front of you doesn't die and lives the way you want to, everyone else is a side character in your story. From there the comfort and shit tests grew, they got worse as I tried to avoid having to actually defend that hill I cared about. As soon as she brought the conversation back to that point, I would offer a concession elsewhere and apologize to make the conversation end. Not surprisingly, this makes you pretty undesirable, even if you are paying all the bills and are carrying the other person. They won't tell you your not attractive anymore, they have a vested interest in not letting you know how unfuckable you are, especially if they don't have a ring and a marriage contract that supports any branch swing they make a play for. I kid you not I once had my ex tell me “I don't feel like having sex in a world where Donnald Trump can be president, I don't feel safe as a women”. I actually told her that's OK thinking that she will eventually come around and I will look like the good guy respecting her boundary. I remember one Christmas where I went home to see my family, they kept asking me if I was OK, I realized I couldn't even hide how unhappy I was from my own family. This led me to that google search. Only one person in the thread asked the guy if he was the problem and everyone else hated him for it. I figured he might have a point and eventually arrived here and started with the sidebar and reading some OYS posts. I had never been in a Gym before and I was 30, fat, a male feminist and unhappy. I started with the very first step, stop being fat. I found a 12 week workout program and decided I can do this ,I took a look at the guys who created the course and thought I would swap bodies with them in an instant. I remember that first session I couldn't do a single pullup. With 5kg on the bar I couldn't bench 1 rep and someone had to come save me. I felt humiliated and had that hot feeling running up the back of my neck that everyone in the gym was laughing at me. To my surprise, no one fucking cared. I was invisible. This helped my confidence a lot, and I stuck with the program. I dropped 12 kg in total and for the first time actually felt strong (I wasn't, but the important part was that I thought I was). I started to go out with friends to grab drinks or do other stuff with and spend less time at home. I stopped rewarding negativity with my time and attention. Things were getting better for me. I had a new boss come in at work who I was set to report to. I had spent the last year throwing in 110% into everything to earn a promotion. I work in the games industry and took a project from concept to delivery to address one of our biggest market challenges (I could write a post about how I learned to make games like women and how that makes way more money than you would imagine). I went into my end of year review thinking I was going into a celebration where I would have loads of career progression options. I was told HR would be there because the boss was new and hadn't done these kinds of reviews before. I was friends with HR, she was attractive and friendly, and I thought no problem. That meeting I was blindsided and shot to shreds and told the company was considering putting me on a guaranteed performance improvement contract or they would terminate my employment. After 8 years and everything I did, I was fighting for my life in a meeting with a boss who didn't even know what I did. I was told the work I did was off my job spec and couldn't be counted towards positive points for my performance. I didn't have a frame to stand on and left that meeting without signing anything and shaking. I just learned I had covert contracts with my job and all through my life beyond my relationship. I thought I was building emotional equity with the company, yes you can do this outside of a relationship. Life punched me straight in the face. I hit that stage where you realize everything you are doing wasn't for you, it was still for other people. I remember crying about that meeting alone because I felt so betrayed by my company and realizing everything I thought I had internalized was bull shit, I still believed other people would see my hard work and validate me. To progress any further my mindset became, only my vote matters, the person actively sucking my dick over a long period gets half a vote, everyone else can get fucked. This is when I really started taking the content seriously, I kept pushing myself at the gym every day and not letting the bad parts of my relationship affect me. Covid lock downs came and I saw this as the best opportunity in the world to actually improve. While we were all working from home remotely, I realized I could do only what was on my job spec and spend the rest of the day researching new jobs and learning new skills. In theory being at home with your partner all day would result in increased sex. I tried to initiate and worked through flirting with your partner. Things had gotten quite bad. I set up a date night every week for us to spend time together on a date (at least as much as you were allowed to do during lockdown). I noticed she started sabotaging these days by picking fights that made no sense at all in the mornings. It took me a while to realize that she was actually worried that a date night would result in us having sex so she was trying to sink that ship before it set sail. I started withdrawing my time and attention when these things happened. I kept the door open but I just stopped dealing with bad behavior. Our sex life didn’t improve, but my self respect and other areas of my life got a massive boost, a giant net positive over all. Companies at this time started doing remote interviews, this made me super flexible as I would just take my lunch break whenever I had an interview and didn't need to take a day off to travel. Every rejection made me tighten up my interview game that little bit more. I took a huge amount of information from VasiliyZaitzev’s CorporateLand series. Eventually lined up 2 offers at the same time and leveraged them against each other to bump up my salary. I never answered the question, How much are you on now? This was the best advice I have ever read and you should learn from that article series too. I managed to push my salary up 40% on the new offer and get permanent remote working conditions beyond covid. I was over the moon, I made that happen, it wasn't easy but I had taken a step towards choosing what I want from life and not letting life happen to me. I found the perfect apartment in the place I always wanted to live and negotiated hard for it to get it at the price I wanted. Nothing felt better than calling my boss and handing in my notice, I remember they asked if they could counter offer which I simply declined. I don't do revenge fantasies, but that was as close to it as I will get. After we moved things hadn’t improved in my relationship. I remember the last time we had sex, after she cried and said it felt like betraying herself. At this point I knew it was over, I had improved a lot but she didn't want to be on my ship on my terms. The main event happened one day when I told her I was going to a place to grab food and I invited her. She was in her room (we had separate rooms at this point) and she was sobbing loudly so I could hear her. She declined and I went anyway. On my way back I found a really cool bar and met some people and drank for a few hours and had a laugh before I went home. I came back and she went off, tears, yelling snot bubbles outraged that I could leave her at home like that when I knew how she felt. I was a little drunk and said, we will have this conversation in the morning after we both had time to sleep this off. She swore at me and I remember just saying, relationships aren't supposed to be this hard. I left and went to bed. The next day we had the talk and I think I got the female equivalent of the fuck me or fuck you speech (in this case **marry me or else**). She told me I had been so toxic the last 2 years withdrawing which was emotionally abusive. I took a moment to consider what she said, and I realized I stopped rewarding bad behavior with my time and attention, so we stopped spending time together, there were no good times to reward. I wasn’t getting anything out of the relationship anymore. I had this person in my home demanding things from me when giving me nothing in return. I told her this isn’t going to work and we should end it here. She cried a lot and I went back to my room. I thought it would hurt more. Over the next while when waiting for her to move out, many times I had this surge of panic to run in and fix everything and apologize. Every time I had this urge, I called a friend and calmed down before doing anything stupid. Those feelings stopped one day when we were both in the kitchen and she looked me dead in my eyes and said “How can you take all of this away from me?”. This person truly believed they were entitled to my success and life when they brought nothing to the table. That’s when my AWALT moment hit me. I didn’t engage and just asked her how her search for a new place was going. I installed Tinder that evening and despite being really nervous, decided I want to have sex and that's not a bad thing. I started going out on quite a few dates, I went overboard on it and 1 week I had 6 dates set up. It started getting in the way of my life so I rolled it down to 3 plates. I remember when the first one broke, it was a weird feeling because I wasn't expecting it, I also wasn't expecting to just laugh it off. I had a rotation of 3 girls each week and for the first time I realized this isn’t hard if you don't put up with bad behavior. Fun fact all 3 of them wanted to be tied up and have BDSM sex, my ex thought it was degrading and told me women would never want that. These 3 girls I was seeing needed me to be a man to get off, the whole reason they were on Tinder was because they didn't want guys in their social circle to judge them. My ex moved out and I took stock of my life, my apartment was mostly empty as all the furniture was hers. I cleaned the apartment and thought wow this is better. I didn't get the girl in the end. MRP is not about teaching you how to save “the love of your life”. I’m in shape, on a top 12% salary in my country and able to look out over the balcony from an amazing flat close to the city center knowing I have dates lined up for when I want them. I made all this happen, and I'm excited to see what else I can bring to my life when I apply myself to it. Some things I would have done differently : - Build and believe in your frame - I fucked this up all the way through my journey and it made everything else so much harder. If you can't put yourself first and say no to anything that puts you in a bad place, you will find out that you are LARPING and it will hit you right in the face. This was me, don’t let it be you. Post in OYS - I originally didn't do this because I saw at the beginning of the posts lifts were like “200 kg bench press, started 3 weeks ago with just the bar, 100 kg, 10% body fat down from 300 kg in 3 months.” Firstly, other people's lifts are irrelevant to you, the point is that you lift for you and secondly, people lie on the internet. When I first got here, I thought that I didn't deserve to post until I hit MRP socially acceptable numbers. This is from a lack of frame looking for a dad mindset. Your lifts will suck when you start, that's OK, like in the gym no one gives a shit. I later realized that if I started posting looking for advice, I may get too dependent on it rather than learning for myself. This was a mistake, I would probably be much further ahead if I was honest in there and didn’t use it to leach value or use other people's lives as a judge of myself. You don't owe anyone shit, and that goes both ways - You are not a victim and you have to kill your covert contracts, and yes you have them in more places than just your relationship. Realize the goal is not to be a giga chad - If you start this journey thinking it only matters if you are sleeping with only 9s and 10s and making 100k a year on your side hustle so that your wife knows what she’s missing, you will fail. People on this sub will lie to you, not everyone will but if you believe everything you read about people’s salary, lifts and sexual conquests you might think you will never get to that level and give up. Your goal is to stop being miserable. Taking steps toward fixing yourself might eventually get you to giga chad level, but let's be honest, you would be over the moon to have a 6 in your bed looking you dead in the eyes and begging you to put it in and going home afterwards. Don't bother with the rest of the manosphere stuff - Your goal is to fix yourself, throw something back in the box to help others fix themselves. I’m not 100% perfect and am still learning every day, but really don't plan to be here for longer than you need to. GTFO as soon as you're ready. It’s OK if you can't get it up the first time you try plating - I struggled for a while because I had built horrible mental models about sex. I built it up in my head that sex was bad when I wanted it and I could only have it when she initiated. I didn't realize that this fucked me up beyond the relationship, but I did some research and found a community of guys who went through the same thing and how to fix their mental models. Don't be ashamed if you cant have sex with any girl you want because that's what chad would do. If you have a problem, learn how to fix it, once addressed you can live your life not worrying about this. Game your wife from the 60 days of dread - I should have done this much harder, I let push back put me off more than it should have. I think of all of the steps from the 60 DOD this is the one I was weakest on. Don't skip this phase, it pays dividends whether your marriage works out or doesn't. That's a run through of my journey, I’m not perfect and I didn't do everything perfectly. I may not have a lambo or a revolving door of Victoria secret models, but I can tell you I genuinely feel great about myself and have improved my life 10x and have the tools to hold onto it and build more in my life. &#x200B; Edits - Caught a few typos.",,171,Just_Some_Guy_RP,2021-05-25 14:57:13 marriedredpill,nkg9vz,60 DoD Week 7: COFFEE'S STILL FOR CLOSERS,"If you work an 8-hour-a-day job, 5 days a week, you spend (5/7)*(8/24) = 0.238 or about 24% of your time working as an adult. (Count commute time and lunch in the total and you easily cruise right past the 25% mark off toward 30%.) The only other single thing you probably do more of is sleeping. So if you wonder why career is on the list for 60 DoD, that's our starting point. But of course, it goes deeper than that. Anything you spend so much time doing should be both a gift to yourself and a reflection of your spirit. The gift is that you care enough to do something productive, to provide for your needs now and in the future, to provide for those you’ve chosen to care for, and to build your self-esteem in the process. It should be a reflection of your spirit because you should seek mastery in all that you do, no matter how menial it may seem. After all, if your job is menial, the solution is not to be a bitch about it, but rather to do it better than anyone else ever has while you seek higher work. There may be times when you want to work something easy; maybe you’re in a tough spot and can’t get anything better. No matter; you should still be present in your job and doing the work to the best of your ability. After all, you are in an *overt* contract with your employer, your coworkers, and your clients to provide value through your knowledge and action. Honor your end of the bargain, and if your employer isn't honoring his, vote with your feet. Some of you are entrepreneurs. Same things apply, maybe even more so. You are building something, realizing a vision, serving your customers. What would you have that say about you? If you don’t like the business you’re in, change roles, sell it, or close it down. Don’t drag on doing something that sucks the soul out of you. Put simply, just as your hygiene and your style show who you are and project what you want people to know about you, what you do to be productive *and how you do it* speaks to what you're committed to -- what you're willing to spend your precious time doing. In case you’ve never seen it, you should [watch this clip](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=elrnAl6ygeM&ab_channel=BlueInfinityFilmBlueInfinityFilm). Baldwin lays it out better than I ever could: Coffee’s for closers. As usual, review excellent posts from years past for concrete advice and good perspectives.",,40,SorcererKing,2021-05-25 03:42:00 marriedredpill,nkkqxa,"Own Your Shit Weekly - May 25, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,14,AutoModerator,2021-05-25 08:30:12 marriedredpill,nfwns5,Control: What's your Locus?,"I haven’t written a general “shit you should know from psychology” post for a while, so I guess we’re due. You can consider this a supplement to (and a motivation for) the 60 DoD this year. Today my maggots, we will discuss an oldie but a goodie: Locus of Control. This idea is one that is fairly commonsense once you read it, but was only formalized in the 1950s by Julian Rotter. Put simply, Rotter asks us a simple question: do you believe that your life (and thus your actions) are under your control, or not? For Rotter and the psychologists this is a *personality trait*, meaning you either have an *internal* (yes, I’m in the driver’s seat) or an *external* (I’m just along for the ride) locus of control, and that’s how you roll in life. For our purposes, we can adapt it and use it in a more nuanced way, since most of us probably are not consistent enough to be all one or the other, and it can change anyway. Some of the seminal work on this theory was how undergraduate students attributed their success or failure on tests. Those with internal loci of control would explain bad grades as not having studied enough, and good grades as excellent preparation. External loci of control would do the opposite: good grades are luck, bad grades are a poor instructor. This has ties to Attribution Theory as well, where you apply these types of lenses to others (your classmate got a good grade because he is lucky vs. he is really smart). The whole basis of MRP and the central idea of 60 DoD are both that you indeed *can change*. In order for that to be true, it implies that you have an *internal* locus of control. Those guys who have an external locus of control either never try our program or come here and start prattling on in a way that earns them a Rule 9 ban. Think on that for a moment: the guys who babble all about their wife are not only focused on the wrong things, but they likely have an implicit belief that the things that happen to, for, and with them are out of their control. If you are going to swim here and not sink like a stone, you’ll have to change that. That’s why we tell you to focus inward, and we remind you that in the end the only thing you truly can control is *yourself*. You learn to master the self, and then set boundaries for everyone and everything else. Now, what about situational application, which my last paragraph hints at? There are indeed things in our world that will be out of your control. You can influence some of them (and you’d be a fool not to try in some cases), but we must recognize that not everything is controllable. This is the truth of the Serenity Prayer, recited by AA attendees everywhere: > God grant me the serenity > To accept the things I cannot change; > Courage to change the things I can; > And wisdom to know the difference. Your first piece of wisdom is to start thinking on things in this light. Ask yourself, “Was I in control of any part of that situation? How? What could I have done differently to influence the outcome, even if I wasn’t in total control?” In reference to changing your thoughts and default actions, you need only remember that you can indeed change your “inner self”. You can change your attitudes, you can change your behaviors, and you can become the guy you’ve always wanted to be. So start right now. Start by *Owning Your Shit* and click your Locus of Control setting over to *Internal*. There is no other way forward.",,58,SorcererKing,2021-05-19 05:06:08 marriedredpill,nf58cf,"Own Your Shit Weekly - May 18, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,24,AutoModerator,2021-05-18 08:30:13 marriedredpill,nd21ep,"Update on Injury, Progression, thoughts on fighting your way through","[I posted earlier of an injury and my plan to work through it](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/n9ufzn/when_something_heavy_takes_you_down/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) and update with progression. Overall the plan is working well. No pain or issues past Tuesday. To review: Sustained what I thought was an injury to my lat or shoulder. An update to that, it wasn't an injury but my lat was inflamed causing spasms. Confirmed with the gym PT later this week. This was causing cramping and spasms elsewhere in the shoulder, even to the left arm. I will continue through Week 2 to be sure. I was asked to talk about my workout, weakness, and how they are addressed. Let me add some qualification here. I have a few advantages. I have been lifting heavy for over 20 years minus a time in the military, and a few years as a fat beta. I lift in a specialty gym that caters to strength athletes. Bodybuilders, powerlifters, strongmen (and women), all pro or amateur lift here. The trainers and coaches are all certified, have degrees, and practice what they preach in their fields. Even the owners (husband and wife) are competitors. I have a lifting coach (powerlifter and strongman), a mobility coach (a bodybuilder), and a PT (powerlifter and bodybuilder). My goal is to make Elite Status (2000 pounds) across all 3 lifts. Finally I appreciate all the advice towards my lifting (I could use more diet/nutrition advice than anything else). Yet I vet all ideas through my coaches. They’ve seen me lift for 4 years now, and have assisted me through many obstacles and issues. They’ve gotten me into the top ten in the state for deadlifts, and faired well at a few meets in 2019, prior to the COVID scare. Any changes to my program I vet through them. If you want more background you can listen to RPC’s podcast episode Getting Jacked. Ego. Well yeah. Ego is there. I fight it a lot. This morning I walk in and the testosterone hit me in the face when I opened the door. One of the strongmen punched me in the shoulder as I passed by, after he dropped a 200 pound stone on the pedestal. Some of the boys were over in the dungeon working on 800 pound squats, and a few were having a bench press love fest. There is a mad rush to be the first 1K bencher in the gym. We have some 1K deadlifts, a few 1K squats, but no benches. Ego abounds, but you can't help but get caught up in it. At times it forces you to improve. It can get down right tribal and I don't care how self actuated you are its difficult to not want to man up and join in. I have to accept that I am not ready to hit that level again. I am rebuilding after a long hospital stay. I look at the workout for the day and coach has me at the kiddie pool. Working at some fairly low RPE8 1RM. Why? I can bang it out. Let this thoroughbred run! I bite my lip (literally) and got to it. While I am deadlifting dude next to me is racking 850 and strikes up a conversation with me. Then proceeds to easily knock out 3 reps. I am envious. I feel the ego. This week after that first post and some introspection I hit on something. So I began working on a post titled: Can You Separate Who You Are From What You Do? In my research [I found this from](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/l2sd9g/the_mindsetof_a_man_who_fucks/) u/Blarg_Risen and it's pretty much the same article I was going to write. So I link it here for revival. In another conversation Blarg had this to say to me: >We may have a propensity to stay on the ""I don't want to get injured"" side or the propensity to stay on the ""Fuck injury go lift"" side. But it's the calibration of this that we're driving for...to come as close as possible to maximum growth with minimum injury Perfectly said. It highlights why I think how you approach lifting is how you approach life. Only you know if you are noping out because you have a little boo boo or it's a legit issue. I have injuries I did years ago from the military that come back once in a while. I have things I did when I was a young idiot kid that make it difficult. Instead of instantly saying I can't. I figure a way through it. Noping out should not be your first default. Just as engaging with her when her emotions run wild, or to get the last word in. Sure ego plays a bit. I want to be on the power team. I want to hit scores, and goals. This is normal. I am not going to instantly say, ""well because of that fast roping incident at Ft. Rucker I can't bench press."" I can and I do without issue. It may feel good to have the last word, to make the final point that just causes her to realize she's dealing with a Red Pill man and gosh darn it people like me. Just as it feels good to crank out that 800 Deadlift. But....if you aren't ready? If your little emotional warfare was just that...emotional, then you are going to be just as injured, hurt in that ill advised deadlift as you were engaging with her incorrectly. Then what? Do you just say ""well can't deadlift because of X Y Z"" or ""Yeah I think I am going monk mode because...."" Just like you approached that 800 lift before you were ready you fought with her before your frame was right. Do you just up and nope out or do you figure a way through it? So sure. There are legit injuries that will take you out, but gents? I see way too many in OYS. I can tell how its being reported. A little qualifying here, I am a paramedic. I deal with patients in pain a lot and I can tell you there are really 2 categories. Those that can't cope with pain at any level, and those that can (and drug seekers but that's a different deal). someone is going to give me the ""but pain is a signal that...."" yeah yeah. It is. It is also a signal that you can't deal. For most of you this is the first time you have had to deal with something truly difficult. So the idea of pain, of ruining yourself is scary. Sure I can see that, but dig deep be as honest with yourself as you are in other areas of RP and make sure its either just something you have to work through (stretching, rehab) or is it legit 10/10 pain and somethings broke. If the former work around the issue if the latter, yeah....you need medical assistance. Neither of those things are an arbitrary ""well I can't squat for 3 weeks"". If so what are you doing about it? Because sitting on your duff is not a method of healing. I challenge you to explain yourself what you are doing for your ""injuries"". It's becoming way too much of a cop out. Attached is the workout protocol for this week. Wednesday and Friday were rest days. [Day 1](https://imgur.com/6xHVMPO) [Day 2](https://imgur.com/VzLxftf) [Day 3](https://imgur.com/3Aslrin) [Day 4](https://imgur.com/i95grFs) [Homework (each has to be done 2x a week whenever)](https://imgur.com/SKPWLL2) I work a conjugate based program so I am doing both Dynamic with Maximal Effort lifts. The gym is a Westside Barbell certified...well the trainers are. The protocols are also accompanied by accessory and specialty work to attack weaknesses as the ME lifts get higher. These will vary a lot from cycle to cycle. I only PR at the end of each 6 week cycle right now I am in week 4. That’s also after one week of deload. During the cycle I am working at a 80-85% of the last PR weight. It’s too much to add a ALL weaknesses so let’s just focus on these. **Hips/hamstrings/hip flexors (Identify the weakness and attack it)** This area I am inflexible. During this cycle coach has me using a Mars bar for squats and a cambered bar. It's been his go to lately. The mars bar sits lower on the back, and pitches the lifter forward. This forces my hips to open up and allow flexion for the glute to activate and bear this weight. It forces you into a good solid squat position. You have to have strong core and shoulders to stay. Especially if using in a box squat or with a 2-3 second hold at the bottom. It absolutely works the upper back. Your traps and lats are going to get extremely strong with this bar. They have no choice. It lights up the entire posterior and anterior chains. You won’t lift as much at first with this bar. The bar itself is heavier (55lbs) and will humble you. I have a love hate relationship with it. A cambered bar is another option that puts the work on the posterior muscles. This is also similar to the safety squat bar. The cambered bar attacks stability since the weights swing and force you to get much tighter when in the hole. It too weighs a more as well. 65 pounds. So check the ego as to what the weight looks like vs getting work done. This bar really highlights inefficacies in your form. If your squat form is bad this bar will make you pay for it. As you drop down the weight swings. Here is where you feel your glutes take over to maintain stability. If you lift with your back or are ego lifting you will suffer under this weight. You can also see how I am doing an obscene amount to hamstring and hip flexor work. A rarely considered muscle but in the deadlift. hamstrings are important. Lack of hamstring strength has been seen as a factor in stalling out in many 1PR tests. At the beginning of a deadlift, there is it a very small mechanical challenge at the knee. For just a moment at the beginning of a deadlift, the weight is trying to flex the knee. It does require a small bit of quad activation to the get the weight moving, but once the bar is off the floor, that moment at the knee essentially disappears. Now, we’re left with a nearly pure hip extension exercise. While the hamstrings can’t extend the hips in a deep squat position, they can definitely extend the hips most of the way through a deadlift. In a squat our glutes act as the extensors and nearly eliminating hamstrings. This is called Lombard’s Paradox. This is because if the hamstrings work as intended we’d never be able to stand up. For the deadlift this changes if you are using a trap bar. The trap bar is most like a squat. Coach has been also attacking my hip flexor strength and flexibility. I have a lot of upper body strength but my leg drive in the bench is fairly weak. You can see the volume work being done in my protocol during this cycle that is tackling it. What isn't recorded is the mobility work I do leading up to my workout. I won't go into detail here on it but you can catch the full story on RPC's podcast. White lights. Big lifts.",,14,ReddJive,2021-05-15 15:58:40 marriedredpill,nbv6b8,OYS: A reminder,"There have been a lot of new posters to OYS in the last few weeks. And a lot of people banned for Rule 9. We get a stack of modmail each week from people banned who don't understand the rules. While often amusing, it would be better for you to actually do some work before you post. In addition to people banned, we have a lot of new posters who either don't realise that this takes actual work, or are just hoping that other posters will sort out their lives for them. You are the people who won't last longer than three weeks. Fortunately most of you are smart enough to just disappear rather than making us ban you. There are no excuses for a poor quality OYS post. The information is out there already: * [How to own your shit a guide for retards](https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/jw7qxz/how_to_own_your_shit_a_guide_for_retards/) * [A how to guide to owning your shit](https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/hh570p/a_how_to_guide_to_owning_your_shit/) And no excuse for not understanding the rules. They are on the sidebar of reddit new, and easily found if you do a quick search: * [OYS posts are for you to own your shit](https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/df0oxb/oys_posts_are_for_you_to_own_your_shit_not_to/) Some of you get very upset when you get banned. What you fail to realise is that MRP does not need you. This is a place for men to exchange notes on sexual strategy. When your input consists of 'I'm terrible and I have no idea what I'm doing', tell me how that particular note is of any use to MRP. Having said that, people will comment and point out your blind spots when you are actually putting in your own work. That is, you're actively trying to find your blind spots and are actively trying to address them. Going forward, I'll be coming down harder on new OYS posters who are avoiding putting in the work. In the end, its up to you to [make your choice](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/9mmiul/make_your_fucking_choice/).",,32,threekindsoflucky,2021-05-13 23:55:45 marriedredpill,n9ufzn,When Something Heavy Takes You Down,">The squat is a great metaphor for life. It’s about getting back up with something heavy takes you down. This isn’t a sob story. I wanted to share with other Red Pill men what I do when setbacks or injury happens. Because they will happen. I always notice a lot of guys report in OYS thier lifting, and there isn’t too much hassle about it. Unless you Crossfit or just don’t do it at all. For me I believe how a man lifts is how he approaches his life. If he changes programs every few months he is pretty wishy washy and can’t make up his mind. He doesn’t see things through. If his numbers are low and progress is extremely slow he either doesn’t know what’s required or he isn’t putting in that much of an effort. If he does every kind of workout except lifting iron or he is not lifting or limiting his program due to “injury” then he’s avoiding the hard stuff. Let’s be clear about “injury”. There is a difference between discomfort and legit pain. Pain means you cannot go on with normal daily activity. Discomfort means things are not all that great but it does not prevent you from daily routine. Pain you stop and get better. Discomfort you work around while you rehab back to health. I gained another injury. My intent here is to post a series as I rehab it AND continue to lift without stopping my program. I want to show you how I do it and the outcomes. I am prepared for injury, for setbacks. I want to share with you how it’s done. Not everything an unplugging man, even a RP man, will go through will be 100%. Predators never attack when you are ready. They know when you are weak. It’s how you handle it when you are weak that matters. In lifting it is possible to keeping lifting even with real injury. There are always ways to work around the injury and keep moving. Can't deadlift? There are at least 6 ways to deadlift that avoid your injured area. There are several accessory exercises you can do to work muscle groups other than your injury. This way when you go back into the lift you won't be all that far off from your last PR. In powerlifting you are always hurting, always injured. I strained my left Lateral Dorseai or just lat muscle, possibly my left scapula as well. My mobility coach suspects a strained rotator cuff but I don’t have any discomfort moving the arm, though late last week my arm was locked up and I could not move it externally nor internally. Took me all weekend to work that out. Rehabbing a strained lat can be up to 2-3 weeks. This is week 1. How did I do it? Don’t know. I know just before I was deadlifting 500 with bands that provided resistance of 120 where I was experiencing a 620 pounds at lock out. That week I also had trouble moving 480 on bench using a duffalo bar (or Youcon bar). My form sucked but I made it happen. Then there was my accessory work where I was moving the needle higher. Any number of things could have caused it. Last week was a good week for progress. The plan going forward is to not stop my program. I will keep lifting and progressing. Meanwhile I will add in the following to keep blood flowing to the muscle to prevent lock up and give the area rest and ability to heal up. This (+) denotes work BEFORE lifting. This (@) marks work that will be done every day even at home on rest days. &#x200B; 1. (@) Adding in light band work externally and internally rotating my arm (both arms to keep it even). This consists of 4 movements for one arm to keep the muscle moving and preventing cramping and locking up. It will also keep blood flowing to the area. Start at 2x10 for each movement. 2. (+) Light weight (80 pounds no more) wide arm lat pull downs to get blood rushing in. 3. (@) Foam roll the lat area from hip to shoulder (I can feel the muscle bunched up. I literally shouted last night working it out). Even have a set of stretches and yoga like movements to do. 4. (@) Use a Thera-cane, racket ball and go to town on the shoulder and scapula area. Even up to the neck. 5. (@) Use NSAIDs to prevent inflammation NOT to dull pain/discomfort. I need that input to tell me where progress lies. 6. (@) Ice as needed at night. 7. I will also take longer rest breaks between sets. I usually only rest 2-3 minutes. Keeping my hear rate at 120 no lower. Now I will default to resting my lats and go back in when I feel it's ready. Week 1, Day 2. Instant relief after exercise. Even my program lifts. I didn't feel the effected area at all at night. First time since I sustained it. Foam roller is brutal. My fingers are tingly during the work (normal for a strained lat), afterwards instant relief. I think coach is worried for nothing about the rotator cuff but I will proceed as if it is. Safer that way. I don't want to mess around with rotator issues. That will set me back. Rest period between sets is 3-4 minutes. Seems to be good. My left arm was weak and unstable during dumbbell work (Tate presses, tricep roll backs). I didn't lower the weight but supported the arm. I got a spotter to support my arm. He may have assisted the lift but it was better than not doing it at all. I will report back at the start and the end of the week on the progress. White lights and big lifts.",,30,ReddJive,2021-05-11 11:04:34 marriedredpill,n9s7vu,"Own Your Shit Weekly - May 11, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,13,AutoModerator,2021-05-11 08:30:18 marriedredpill,n8snqg,60 DoD Week 6: MIND ON MY MONEY AND MY MONEY ON MY MIND,"How about a breather for our n00bz? Something a little easier to ponder, to dial down the existential terror of our first 5 weeks. Maybe later, 'cause this ain't it! Your finances are as serious as a heart attack. They are your own personal bedrock for the rest of your life. Even if you are a shit-eating beta, your life is infinity easier if you're not destitute. Money is power; money is freedom. Take away a little of your money and you'll be uncomfortable. Take away enough money and you're living under the bridge. How much money you ultimately have is not the point though, so if you're a high-earning plow-horse, don't get too excited. The real point here is to make sure your wealth is managed and protected so your present and future is as secure as you can make it. This one goes in nicely with some of the other weeks. For example, you can save a few bucks a day by cutting the Starfux sugar bomb out of your routine, and since the sugar bomb is not a part of a healthy eating plan, that should be easy to do. Making your meals in advance at home will keep you from eating out, also a big savings if you do it a lot. That will free up budget to upgrade your wardrobe or join a gym. Savvy? Beyond basic budgeting and being mindful about what you spend, controlling your finance and spending is another signal (to yourself) that you have control (of yourself). When your finances are dialed in you don't spend frivolously, you can make a plan and stick to it (budget), you know how to turn one dollar into two, and you're guaranteed to have that dollar to begin with. So go read the prior years on this. We've had some guys who are really good at this stuff contribute posts and advice -- use it. All I'll say is that in our current world if you're holding cash right now learn how to diversify into something else. Each of those 4 trillion Bidenbux that roll off the virtual printing press chips away at the value of your cash; don't get cucked by the Fed. /r/wallstreetsilver /r/wallstreetbets [Edit: grammar-er-ing]",,24,SorcererKing,2021-05-10 01:34:03 marriedredpill,n5898p,60 DoD Week 5: FEAR IS THE MIND KILLER,"So far in 60 DoD we have covered the basics of your appearance and health: lifting, eating, hygiene, and how you dress. I’m betting some of that was uncomfortable for many of you. So congratulations if you faced up to some harsh truths about yourself and made it this far. However, buckle up; that was just the prelude. This week is all about Game. Perhaps no single topic in our Red Pill universe is more controversial than this. Feminists instantly go nuclear at the thought that men would “manipulate” women in this way. Career Beta thinks you’re a scumbag if you act differently around different people. Nice Guys secretly loath you as you act in a way in which they could never give themselves permission to act. As the old expression goes, if you’re taking flak, you’re over the target. All these objections are easily met intellectually. If done well, it’s not manipulation, it’s genuine and people like it. There is no difference in how you treat men vs. women except you’re not trying to close men for sex (unless that’s your thing, in which case you’re likely in the wrong sub). Nice Guy hates you because he has *the best* covert contract set up, and some woman is going to see the *Real Him*^TM any time now. Well and good, fuck you Nice Guy. However, it is not these lame objections from non-involved parties that scares you. No, we all know what scares you: feeling rejected, feeling humiliated, feeling humiliated because you feel rejected. After all, if you start chatting up women everywhere you go, they might see right through you. They’ll know what a beta bitch you are, call you out for your 4” dick, and then proceed to get everyone in the coffee shop to laugh at you in unison. Right? * Reality check 1: women have no idea who you are, and don’t know you’re a beta until you present like one, either in appearance or behavior. If you’ve developed new habits around your physique, grooming, and style, you are starting with the deck stacked slightly in your favor by at least not *looking* like Billy Beta. * Reality check 2: people like you for how you make them feel, not all the things you know about you. To cash in on those looks and that presence you developed, you will need the agile conversation and flirtation that makes people want to be around you. What are the real obstacles then? The sub-title of this post comes from the sci-fi masterwork *Dune*. The main character has learned a short mantra that begins with that phrase, “Fear is the mind killer…” This must become your mantra as well. While the resources on Game can give you a script if you’re dense, and prior years’ posts can give you a pep-talk as to why Game is important, in keeping with the spirit of Basic Bitch mode, I’m going to clue you into the real thing you need to learn: you are your biggest obstacle. Your shitty self-beliefs, the narratives that you’re an unattractive loser, that you can’t be that way because it's not ""who you are."" Have you noticed the recurring theme here? You have to decide that this is how you would like to be, and just *start doing it*. We fear what is unknown or unfamiliar. This is why the OG pickup guys would go to the mall and say hello to 100 women in an afternoon. If you work it like a skill ladder, you will get comfortable with it, and develop an approach that works for you. For the autists: go to my Career Beta post and see the prescription for learning Game if you’re really stuck here. For everyone else, take a little time to ask yourself this important question: what’s more important to you, protecting your ego, or getting down with all those wonderful women out there who don’t even yet realize they’re going to fuck you? I hope the answer is clear. *(Edited for formatting, as always.)*",,53,SorcererKing,2021-05-05 05:27:05 marriedredpill,n4jb81,"Own Your Shit Weekly - May 04, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,16,AutoModerator,2021-05-04 08:30:19 marriedredpill,n1eqxb,Time to fuck...you have been warned,"COVID is over. Its time to fuck and news flash - it wont be with you. You dont say? Why is that Mr. Tren King? Your wife or LTR sick and tired of looking at your ugly face. She is tired of not seeing her friends at spin class, at group fitness class and at Starbucks. And by friends, I dont mean of the female variety. She is tired of looking at the back of your bald head, your fat overweight frame in your dirty shirt, shorts and crocs you wear while staring at your 49"" curved monitor working from home every day because you have no life, and have built no desire over this time. Tired of looking at your cans of Bud Light and empty wrappers piled up just off screen. Your wife is already planning her next girls day out. She is ready to spend your money again. She is happy to give you your fucking house to do your WFH Zoom calls in all day. Never once have you asked her to suck your dick under the desk while you are on video. Never once have you left the house to keep the aura of mystery up. You are a mask wearing faggot who never built a home gym, hell you probably never went to the gym. But Red, you didnt build a gym. You damn right, but I also had 80# of excess muscle to worry about loosing before I look like you. I lost 10 in 6 weeks. You are not me. You are fat, boring and lazy. Why now? Because every single woman I know, ex-girlfriends, girls from Starbucks. EVERY one of them is hitting me up right now. They all want to be fucked. Humble brag, IDGAF. Some of you need to hear this. 4 women in relationship could be mine by the end of the week. They want to be fucked. HARD. You have made them so sick over the past year they dont even give a shit if you find out. They are sending their backup guys ""kisses"" emojis and asking when you can meet for lunch or dinner. They want taboo. They want an escape from the boring reality of society. They want to be thrown against a wall in the bathroom, tossed in the back of your truck or fucked against the building or on the park bench. Texas is open. It is mingle heaven. But you, you might have time to save yourself. Now, you need to start building the aura of mystery back. COVID has made you a fat, boring man. She can be a fat, boring woman and she will still get fucked. You do not have that luxury. If she doesnt want to fuck you, she knows no one else does either. You wife is sick of you. SICK. Even if she loves you, she doesn't want to see your ugly face for a while. 8 hours a day you used to be gone. 8 hours a day she used to be gone. All that nice work clothes she has, she is dying to wear. She wants to put on makeup for someone, somewhere. Do her hair and feel pretty. She wants the drip of stranger validation back in her life. You are not making her feel special. Her pussy hasnt been wet in months. You need to get in front of this. There is a correction coming and you can either be the guy who profits, or the guy who pays. Immediately get to the gym. Get gone. Get the FUCK out of you house for 4-6 hours a day. Go to the gym at night to build separation. IDGAF if your state isnt open or not. Go to the fucking park. Start heading into your office 1 day a week. I am, Mondays. 8-5 just cause. Start planning formal lunch dates with your woman again. Get dressed up, fuck the taboo secretary. You need to lay into this fantasy before someone else does. Every single working mother is dying to get back to the office to fuck her per-COVID AP. You better think long and hard about your actions over this time. This lockdown bullshit kills affairs all over the planet. Affairs people want to get back to. If your woman was at risk before, she is gone this time. As soon as the gloves come off she is going to be fucking anything she can. She fucking hates the sight of you. She is more pissed at COVID than you can imagine. And she is looking for payback. You know who you are. You know if your girl is texting a guy like me. Be the woman every man is hunting right now, or you will pay. You have been warned.",,89,red-sfpplus,2021-04-29 21:30:01 marriedredpill,n0ct8c,I used to be Alpha,"No. You really weren't. No one really was. What you were was in a time of your life when you had no responsibility. Then for some reason you decide to complicate your life with a wife, job, house, college debt, car....then kids. And just like that you assumed a life time of responsibility before you were really ready. Just because you were free of all that and felt like you had a good bead on your life doesn't mean you were alpha. What the statement ""I used to be alpha"" is really telling everyone is your ego is seriously in play. Your ego is an obstacle that must be overcome if you have any desire to grow and move on. It's a wall that prevents learning, and an excuse to ignore thoughts worth hearing. So, either get over yourself, or get comfortable with a stubborn and stupid version of yourself. &#x200B; This level of ego will drive you to feel like you are entitled. Entitled to the best sex, best life, best job, people submitting to you when you walk into a room. We've seen men come in here and suddenly ""get alpha"" and really what happened is they felt entitled to all the things that come with life with none of the understanding of how to actually get it. When you act with entitlement, you deserve disappointment. You end up expecting someone to do something that can only be fulfilled by THEM. That's a powerless position to put yourself in. This explains why you're always victim puking. &#x200B; Any relationship marred by ego cannot stay for long. To give your ego a boost, you will always think twice before taking the initiative in a relationship in any situation. You'll FEEL like you have to say something, you'll FEEL like you have to sperg out, FEEL like you have to....This is because ego boosters give you a false sense of superiority in a relationship. In reality, unless you have your ego in check, you are far inferior when compared to your wife in a relationship. &#x200B; Practically speaking, everybody in this world wants to have that false sense of superiority. It makes use feel better. Emotions have a strong impact on the decision making process. Its why the whole world has shifted towards emotional outrage over everything. It literally makes people feel better to get upset at the slightest thing. Women have become extremely effective at it while men follow that example of emotional puking, feelings of outrage. Hence, in the battle of ego vs relationship, it is the ego which will be the winner and relationship will always be the loser. &#x200B; A mature man makes the right judgment & applies wisdom; A strong man holds onto his beliefs; A Weak man allows others to decide his fate; an immature man lets their emotions decide his actions. Everything men do is a decision. We just rationalize it as outside influence.",,128,ReddJive,2021-04-28 11:35:42 marriedredpill,mzjsee,"Own Your Shit Weekly - April 27, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,21,AutoModerator,2021-04-27 08:30:14 marriedredpill,myf0di,Narratives,"There is not a lot of digging into our past or upbringing issues here as the path forward is pretty much the same whether your childhood was heaven, hell or somewhere in between. But there is a portion of this that was relevant to me in my journey out of beta hell that held a lot of value that may be worthwhile for those of you who are earlier in and taking this process seriously. I didn’t really touch on it during my stretch of OYS’ing because it didn’t really click until later in my journey. Kind of like Glover goes into, we are egocentric early in our childhood development. Everything that happens around us seems to be a function of ourselves, rather than outside forces. So when something happens that’s awesome, you think of how awesome you are, which was cool. But there is a fair to good chance that you also had some instances happen that were uncomfortable, unfair or even devastating. Well, that sucks, because in that instance, you probably interpreted it in an egocentric way - an interpretation that most likely was not true but seemed true at the time. And perception can become your reality. This sets into motion a narrative you tell yourself. Following that, there were probably more things that happened that *you perceived* to confirm that narrative, whether it was true or not. Without realizing it, it became a subconscious narrative that would run like a background operating system in a computer. Most men never get that introspective to even know it’s there, let alone confront it and deconstruct it. So, to make this make a little more sense, I only know how to relate how this happened with me. This isn't so much about me, just the best way I know to how write how it may have played out for you. Anyway, I had a couple of instances that I don’t need to go into here because the specifics are irrelevant and you don’t give a shit. But it started a narrative without me realizing it that said, “I fucked this up. I am a fuck up.” I internalized that useless interpretation as a kid without realizing it. My dad was self-absorbed, harsh and really paid little attention to me unless I broke his boundaries. Then I would get in trouble and he had no issue punishing me in however he saw fit. And then he would go back to paying no attention to me even if I tried to connect in my various ways - which were unsuccessful. So another layer was set in my subconscious narrative, “I’m irrelevant and always in the way.” So what? you ask. At our ages? Get over it, nut up and be a man. We all have our shit and the path out is always the same: Lift, STFU, read, build frame, self-validate and build your own life of abundance. I agree with this BUT I found something that was very helpful in the self-validate/build frame portion of that process. Rather than psychoanalyzing, getting touchy-feely, trying to figure it out, crying and being all gay about it, I realized that this narrative was real and was still coloring my view and affecting my actions and reactions, even at my age. So I took myself back to that place (and places) and realized I was not getting what I needed as a kid at that time. Those instances produced a certain feeling and not a good one. It was a very specific feeling that I would experience over and over in my life in different circumstances – I had just never really identified that this feeling was the product of what I was unconsciously telling myself. It would be with friends, family, colleagues, girlfriends, social situations and of course, my wife. This background narrative literally kept me from liking myself and without me knowing it, sabotaged much of my life and was sabotaging much of my rp progress. I would argue that you cannot build authentic frame without liking yourself. Once I recognized and identified that narrative and the resulting feeling, I began to pay attention to times when something would happen outside of my control where it would arise. Since I had become so much stronger mentally, I learned to literally hit the pause button, STFU, and tell myself “I am not a fuck-up” (sometimes over and over) and I would intentionally not react. Pretty much go autistic but there was a reason underneath rather than just being an autistic retard trying to think of what to do or say. Also, recognizing that I operated with those narratives, I began to do longer range work on ending the “I am irrelevant and always in the way” narrative. As I began to focus only what I could control, I had a way of ending that narrative as I gained confidence in several areas of my life. Social, business and of course the way I reacted (no longer react) to my wife. I had a specific narrative to deconstruct as I told myself I am not irrelevant and how much I value myself. I have become much more proactive and this holds more meaning that just trying to become awesome. I did not want to be a slave to that narrative I didn’t even realize was there. This was probably the largest thing for me to overcome to really get to a place of self-validation and outcome independence. I found it interesting that /u/nowenterthearena seemingly accidentally found himself go through [This similar process](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/m1295x/own_your_shit_weekly_march_09_2021/gqewr4m/?context=3) after W&S asked him is there anything worth really being mad about. This isn’t about self-esteem but building authentic frame and not sabotaging your process. I have always liked Horns line, “If you aren’t vulnerable, your frame is shit.” It’s true but it can also be true that “If you’re vulnerable, your frame is shit.” That was me and possibly you. Because my being vulnerable was not [Expressed like a man](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/5ntc44/expressing_emotions_like_a_man/). My version of vulnerable was unconsciously trying to use others to make me feel like I wasn't a fuck up or in the way. If this resonates, although with your own jacked up narrative, it is largely under your control and at least for me was a great step forward in personal progress. I've gotten better at being my own judge, being outcome independent and being vulnerable now in my frame when I want to because I am not a slave to those useless narratives. This was a nice dragon to slay. Again, this wasn't so much about me, but my best way to outline what may be there in you without you even realizing it.",,51,[deleted],2021-04-25 19:02:22 marriedredpill,mx9qyl,60 DoD Week 4: CLOTHES MAKE THE MAN,"Ever heard that one? ""Clothes make the man?"" If you were a strict autist cut from the NMMNG cloth, you might find that dishonest. ""I should be myself,"" you might think. ""I should be genuine, and dress in a way that is congruent and authentic to the real me."" You wouldn't be wrong *per se*, but you'd be missing all the nuance and missing a big opportunity. You thinking that the way you're dressed is incongruent with who you are probably comes from one of a couple places. The first is that you are reflecting your own internalized self-image, buried so deep you don't even question it anymore. After all, what are you really saying is incongruent between this ""real you"" and the clothes? The clothes are fun and you're not? The clothes are cool, but you can't be? The clothes show confidence, but you're a bitch? Seriously, what are you afraid of? You can wear anything you're willing to mentally own and wear confidently. The other pervasive thought pattern, and related to that one above, is *envy*. Oh yes, that ugly thing. Because you don't imagine yourself as fun, or cool, or attractive, you automatically disparage guys who have their shit together and *do* project those things. To protect that ego castle of yours you have to dig a moat of separation between you and all that. You're ""a grown up"" or ""not a douche"" or ""not a frat boy"". Here's a test for you: would you be willing to put on a baseball cap backwards and wear it that way all day long out in public? If so, why? If not, why not? It turns out that the tail really can wag the dog when it comes to clothes. If you want to *be* a fun guy, dressing like one goes a hell of a long way toward getting there. There has been a lot of evidence from social psychology about the effect clothes have on people: that's why you wear a suit when you want to be taken seriously, and dress like Jimmy Buffet when you want to party. Who would the Fonz be without his jacket? You can convey a lot of information about yourself just from clothes. So use that to your advantage. Here's the plan for this week: let go. Let go of who you think you are, what you think your role in the world is supposed to be, and instead dream a little. Imagine the guy you want to be. I bet when you do, that guy will be wearing clothes in your mind's eye. What is he wearing and why? Next, read the clothing posts on the sidebar from prior years. You will learn about how to build ensembles, the importance of fit, other resources, etc. You don't have to change everything all at once, and you don't have to spend a fortune. Your 60 DoD new habit in this area can be a new system for ensuring you buy the right sort of clothes and wear them well. Get to work.",,52,SorcererKing,2021-04-24 01:20:12 marriedredpill,mulur3,"Own Your Shit Weekly - April 20, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,21,AutoModerator,2021-04-20 08:30:10 marriedredpill,mrvhhp,"60 DoD Week 3: YOU'RE NASTY, NOT IN THAT GOOD WAY","Welcome to 60 DoD Week 3: Hygiene. Traditionally in the 60 DoD hygiene week we have talked about simple things most men can do to improve their level of attraction through better hygiene. This has been inclusive of hair styles, facial hair, various soap products, colognes etc. I invite you to look at some the excellent resources on the 60 DoD sidebar list to learn about *what* to do. In keeping with our theme this year however, today we are going to explore why you don’t already have good hygiene, and why you should change that. The Blue Pill world loves its feel-good aphorisms. “Don’t judge a book by its cover!” they declare. “It’s what’s on the inside that counts!” they’ll try to sell you. “People should like you for who you are, not how you look!” These and similar phrases all (intentionally) make a similar mistake: they assume that you are *either* your physical presentation *or* your mind/personality. While it is sometimes easier to talk about these things separately (and tune them separately), this is a false alternative. You as an entity in reality are both a mind and a body. As with so much in MRP and the 60 DoD, the need to take better care of your body and be more physically presentable and appealing is not about your wife. It’s not about your boss, your clients, your family, your friends, your neighbors. You guessed it: it's about you. So why should you have good hygiene? It’s about you doing something positive for yourself, something that signals to yourself that you care about you, that you feel you are worthy of looking and feeling good, and that you have the discipline to do it every day. It’s an expression of self-respect, and when you execute it well, you will respect yourself more. People will treat you better when you are (a) less horrifying to look at; (b) don’t have unsavory odors attached to you; and, most importantly, (c) they can see you respect yourself. In other words, the *experience* of you will be enhanced for them. This is a virtuous cycle for you. Your enhanced confidence and self-respect leads people to respect you more, which further enhances your confidence and self-respect. Around and around it goes. So why are you such a slob? Wait, do you even realize how much of a slob you are? You probably don’t. You probably have a lame haircut, the same one you had when you were 20. If you’re lucky, you might smell like cheap shampoo all day; you probably have coffee breath as the dominant smell instead. You could have a fucked up grille (something we’ve covered before in 60 DoD). You might have too much body hair (remember: Ron Jeremy gets laid because he’s Ron Jeremy, not because he looks like Ron Jeremy). Your beard might be a rat’s nest (Rasputin and his beard are dead; let’s leave it that way). Like all your bad habits, you slipped into this, and you’ve lulled yourself into thinking it either doesn’t matter, or that no one notices anyway. If you’re really down on your luck, you might figure trying to have an attractive presence isn’t for “normal guys like you” anyway. All of this is wrong and must be discarded immediately for reasons outlined above. So this week then is a time for reflection and planning, and then change (i.e., your initiation of your new habits). As always, be brutally honest with yourself about what is unappealing about you, and then find ways to fix it. There is an enormous industry dedicated to all things hygiene, so use the internet to research shit. I expect to see this in OYS this coming Tuesday: confess your nasty habits and tell us what you’re doing differently. Most importantly, tell us *why you think it matters*. You have to believe it or it won’t stick. Good luck.",,32,SorcererKing,2021-04-16 04:07:28 marriedredpill,mpy3os,"Own Your Shit Weekly - April 13, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,24,AutoModerator,2021-04-13 08:30:13 marriedredpill,mp27yq,I would love some feedback... please chime in and share your thoughts... particularly you dilberryhoundog...,"** For those of you lacking context, I have come to the - what I believe is - inescapable conclusion that one of our members is borderline retarded. More importantly, that's simply my opinion. My discourse with him prompted some questions... are fact and data and substantiating one's point still important? Or in 2021 does it no longer matter. In the event you're interested, click this link below and read that - and I just noticed an additional reply added - and then come back here. And anyone who wants to discuss please do. This is an interesting area for me, because I grew up and made it to 40 with an expectation that truth, facts, and data matter. As we've witnessed over the years, that doesn't seem to be the case for most. What are your thoughts? READ THIS FIRST: https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/mmicr3/60_dod_week_2_this_post_is_not_about_nachos/gtu76pm/. I'll clean this up so it's not so confusing. ******************************** ONCE YOU'VE READ THAT, READ THIS... So I read it, [dilberryhoundog].(https://old.reddit.com/user/dilberryhoundog) Turns out the character limit for comment replies is quite low so here's a post instead to inspire some good-natured conversation. I've pointed out some minor flaws in your reasoning, which, alongside your lack of sources, suggests that you are every bit as full of shit as initially suspected and surprisingly, perhaps even more so. I’m genuinely hoping you’ll read this - but much more importantly, engage in conversation below as I've posed a few questions. I’m fascinated by your behavior, its prevalence in today’s society, and a new-found similar behavior I've seen in other(s). In the event you choose not to, I will just put up a new MRP post and open it up to the community. > Respirators don't cause bronchitis, they prevent you from clearing it. Or more specifically prevent you from clearing your flu, which would subsequently lead to bronchitis. This was due to the constant rebreathing of your mouth excretions. It was very common for people's respiratory ailments to persist until such time as the person could get a break from wearing the respirator daily. In your initial response to me you said: ""I wore a mask (respirator) occupationally for thousands of hours when I was a young adult. It was the sickest I have ever been, and I am a person whom almost never gets sick."" You then proceeded to vilify masks. In your most recent allusion to that, you do not support your original assertion, but instead it would appear to suggest that you may have - were I to follow your latest (il)logic - (1) become sick with bronchitis, (2) entered a new vocation, knowing (3) that the vocation requires respirators and, (4) further, that use of that respirator would (5) exacerbate your bronchitis (or flu), which is (5) presumably documented somewhere though you've provided no sources. > As mentioned, masks don't allow for proper excretion of respiratory waste, while also concentrating it in a position to rebreath, once caught a condition can easily become ""chronic"" until mask usage stops. Masks can also cause a mild whole-body hypoxia, in the occupation it was called ""mask fatigue"". Low oxygen levels is a known risk factor in many chronic ailments. I would like to see some sources and also understand why you have pivoted from the respirators that exacerbate your bronchitis to the mask fatigue of which you are now speaking. I've just spent some time reading about mask fatigue and none of the articles mentioned this ""respiratory waste"" of which you speak (or do you just add scary sounding words when you want so much to be right, after all, a phrase like toxic waste is damn scary). What I have learned though was largely aware of is that hotter humid weather may cause shortness of breath in some, and even anxiety in others. Perhaps had your very first sentence said something like ""wearing a respirator all the damn time gave me anxiety and even sometimes shortness of breath"" then you'd have some credibility. But you didn't. Instead, you've again shifted the discussion to something only tangentially related because you cannot support your initial point or - as far as I recall - any of those that follow. Looks like you can get a headache too, so there's that. Confusion and even fatigue. Okay cool. The funny thing is, if you look quite closely - which would require you to actually look in the first place - you'll discover that ""mask fatigue"" more largely refers to the public's general ""time to get over this shit"" feelings about the pandemic itself, of which wearing masks is a (1) damning imposition against their god-given, constitutional rights for some - go 'merica - and a (2) minor inconvenience to stay safe while keeping others safe for others. That said, one of us - clearly not you - attempted to find sources to substantiate your larger claims and was unable to do so. That said, really not a big deal given how preposterous your behavior evolves: > You didn't look up excrete or excretion, these were the industry terms for the ""shit"" that comes out of your mouth, I was using the suffix ""ment"" as a past tense version of excrete. As you pointed out probably not technically correct, but not far off base either. 3.1 The body wouldn't have a cough or sneeze reflex if it only expelled CO2. ""Cover your mouth when you cough Johny"", the billions of people who say this is your source. This is a particularly telling statement as it implies that you either (1) know my search history or (2) sufficiently understand the intricacies of arguably the most complex company in the world - Google - employing 10,000 PHDs - and are as such able to make such a statement. According to my Google Search history - the one that exists on my computer, not the one that haunts your little fantasy world - I did in fact search for “excrement” - in fact the featured listing (Oxford Languages) says “waste matter discharged from the bowels; feces,” while the sites I sourced previously are in the two few positions. So, regarding your first point, you are simply lying. Substantially worse than that, you give me this “ment” nonsense in an attempt to justify your original statement which itself was a lie, and further, doesn’t actually support your position. Lie upon lie, bullshit begets bullshit, and the cycle of your inane behavior continues. You then utilize coughing and sneezing to justify your incorrect statement above, but this is the first I’m hearing anything regarding coughing and sneezing. In this town you live in, I can certainly understand why you and the others are perpetually sick and don’t like masks, since apparently you’ve all (1) been diagnosed with bronchitis, (2) prior to entering a vocation that requires a respirator, that (3) itself exacerbates that very bronchitis, and (4) you’re all routinely coughing and sneezing. And I thought the 18th century coal mines of West Virginia were tough. [Do you live here and is this your job?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y37EzVzasG4) In the event you do, and considering it pays just $6 a day if I recall correctly, I can see why you can’t afford to support your statements with facts. (By the way, do you have those growths on your shoulders? Incidentally, do they impede your usage of masks and respirators?) > For one hundred years surgical masks have been used for the sole purpose of preventing respiratory excretions from entering open wounds in the operating theatre. They have large openings to the sides and around the nose and sometimes under the chin. It is commonly known that air takes the path of least resistance, even a small hole in a respirator will cause the bulk of the air to travel through that opening instead of the semi-permeable membrane. The air filtering capacity of a surgical mask is akin to wearing no mask at all. Respirator fit testing and ""no beards"" was some of the strategies used to combat this, in the occupation. I am an expert in masks, not epidemiology, however, now they are seeing use in the mass treatment of a medical condition I guess I have been carried into an epidemiological discussion. While you have yet again not provided any evidence for your claim, why not be more specific. Is that the case when the patient has SARS? When the patient has pneumonia? When the patient has Ebola? Or how about [for multitude of diseases spread through breathing listed here.](https://www.healthline.com/health/airborne-diseases#prevention) Since they have been “used for the sole purpose of preventing respiratory excretions” - according to you - a phrase I surrounded in quotes and strangely didn’t get any results for - which is a first for me - I tried modifying the search. So I removed the quotes, phrased it a bit better, and interestingly, the first result from the Wisconsin Department of Health Services would seem to contradict you: “Surgical masks are used to protect the mouth and nose from splashes or sprays of blood/body fluids, or respiratory secretions, and to place on coughing patients to reduce dissemination of respiratory secretions. They may have either ear loops or ties, and can be either pleated or made of molded material.” > I laugh whenever I see a guy with a beard covered with a surgical mask, I liken it to the same laugh I have when I see an obese chick trying to wear skimpy clothes. They are trying hard, but just don't get it. The “dirty hands” reference is in regards to the elephant in the room, Transmission from the mouth to the hands and then onto surfaces, and subsequently transmission from surfaces to the hands and then to the You andface. In the real world, observe how many people touch a lift button then adjust their mask, move their mask to eat then place their hand on the back of the chair to stand. Their hands are touching a potential raging Hotspot (the mask) then distributing it all over their surrounds, or they are constantly moving their contaminated hands to their primary viral ingress location (their face) as the uncomfortable and annoying mask dictates many more hand to face movements per day. All the common sense used to decipher that a mask with gaping holes in it will prevent the ingress of contaminated air, seems like the same common sense used to “miss” the hand to mouth transmission that I would regard as the far likelier method of getting a viral dose. I’m not entirely sure what that has to do with your first, second, or any of your suppositions, but I’d ask why you wander around randomly laughing? In fact, I’d argue that you probably don’t and are making that up too. I haven’t delved into the efficacy of masks with beards or not but do note that in the medical community there is no consensus from doctors (again, not capital stormers) wearing beards. Your “dirty hands” comment was in fact your effort to support your position, which is wrong. In this *real world* you reference to (again fail to) support your latest silly claim, are the hand sanitizers that the CDC and WHO recommend no longer available? Did they disappear? Were they dropped in the volcano you and your sick fellow villagers are toiling away on? I tried to find an example of someone saying “wear your mask, but only if you don’t use the hand sanitizer.” Since bleach and UV light injected into the body are on the table, I’d imagine someone must have said it. Out of curiosity, why are you wearing a mask with gaping holes in it? Perhaps that’s why you have been so ill. > Masks are PPE, PPE attenuates risk, risk attenuation is a tradeoff between a single large positive effect, but the introduction of many possible smaller negative effects. You only wear ear protection when you are in danger of damaging your ears, other wise all the effects of ear protection are negative. You only wear safety goggles when there is a danger of damaging your eyeball with high velocity objects, otherwise all the effects of of safety goggles are negative, surgical masks are only worn when there is a danger of respiratory excretions going into unwanted places, otherwise, all the effects of surgical masks are negative. Look into the safety management plans of any high-risk activity (including surgeries) and you will find PPE providing a singular large benefit, and the management plan having to mitigate the many subsequent negative of effects of PPE, there is your source. Here is a few starters, PPE disposal methods, cross contamination, reduced physical capacity, no training in the use of PPE. I don’t know what you’re going on about here, I don’t see any reason to expand the scope of the conversation since thus far you’ve continued to ignore citations, wantonly lie, and stubbornly cling to your silly assertions, all while blissfully avoiding the potential injection of common sense. > Now Fecal vomiting, Denmark studies, other covid studies, fake pandemics, Dr. Ignaz Semmelweis, hypothetical waiters, US' prior presidents, emotional outbursts of politically-charged biases or bullshit, next US presidential election, penultimate pernicious act of the evil Bill Gates and his henchmen, and most of the the other stuff you’ve attributed to a straw man you are going to have to explain further… See, that’s disingenuous, and it’s a very routine intellectually-dishonest debate tactic. Above you have continued to repeat your silly assertions, adding in minor irrelevant (and continually unsupported) comments here and there, all while failing to provide any evidence; specifically you’ve failed to provide support for what you've claimed, you’ve constantly rejected facts in favor of opinion, and you’ve attempted to leverage hearsay to support your erroneous position. Assuming facts not in evidence is actually a federal rule of evidence. You see those facts don’t simply exist because you say they do. Now all this is pretty straightforward stuff; likely every q-anon fanatic actively engages in such activity on a routine basis. But it’s at the end that you performed precisely as expected. First, I don’t believe that you understand what a strawman is. That is a terribly overused word and I see it referenced in a misguided way over and over again. Oddly, you actually happen to be arguing a straw man since you’ve yet to appropriately refute anything that (1) has come up to ultimately attempt to support (2) your original point. Next, you (not so) cleverly throw out red herrings in each new statement. As far as I can tell you’ve gone from masks not protecting people on the proverbial end, to masks exacerbating existing bronchitis and pneumonia, to general talk of PPE. You throw out a few fancy words, too, yet continue to ignore the original point you made, which I’m simply asking you to provide some evidence for. Then, however, the coup de grace - and what drives you to your clearest and most predictable level of silliness; I’d say children outgrow this by about age 12 - you suggest that the onus is on my shoulders to disprove your assertion and ignore that you’re unwilling to initially prove your own. The burden of proof does not shift on a whim. It is your burden, not mine. Such a burden of proof is not designed to be an incendiary device; on the contrary, it is used so that people - particularly those people with differing opinions - can discuss their dispute civilly and even resolve it. It need not be a gun to fire at the charging indian right before you scalp him. You could have simply said, at any time, that you simply don’t know an answer. Or that you could not find evidence. Or that you don’t want to find evidence. Yet you instead attempt to overwhelm me with extraneous words. W&S does this frequently. Rather than spending time proving a point he simply lets you know that he doesn’t want to. That’s respectable. He does not feel compelled to win an argument, particularly one that he’s already lost as you have, and look worse and worse with each passing comment. Heck you could have much more simply - though rather pedantically - told me that I did not adequately support my statement - and I'd agree. It was meant rather tongue-in-cheek though I believe there's substantial credence to it. Instead, you tossed-off on a bunch of dreck with no intention of supporting anything associated with your own pen to paper. **So why do you behave this way?** I’m genuinely curious. * Are you afraid to be wrong? * Do you not require facts in your life? * Are you comfortable turning a fact into something subjective? * Were you not taught about this in school? * Are you simply sloganeering based on the misguided belief that adherence to a political platform requires adherence to the entirety of that platform? Most importantly, do you not recognize that each new item you wrote made you look less and less credible and that this could be a significant blind spot that may impede your progress in life? Interestingly enough, I don't want or need to be right. That may seem surprising given the dissertation I've just provided. At the same time, however, I think it's gross when people claim they're right simply because they believe as such, and worse still when they pile one lie upon another. If people are like that, and you want to delude yourself, that's fine. Tell the world you're a seasoned astronaut who killed bin laden for all I care, after all, you're not the worlds only pathological liar. But, don't expect others to kowtow to your silliness. You have not yet earned the right to outline precisely what is and isn't a fact. Until that day comes, you're just a posturing idiot who looks much worse to others than you're apparently able to appreciate.",,0,johneyapocalypse,2021-04-11 23:40:07 marriedredpill,mmicr3,60 DoD week 2: THIS POST IS NOT ABOUT NACHOS,"Welcome to week 2 of 60 DoD 2021. This week you will contemplate your eating and develop better habits. Odds are overwhelmingly in favor of the fact that you eat too much in general, and too much of the wrong things in particular. You probably drink sugared soda, or put sugar in your coffee, or have dessert often, telling yourself that it's OK this time because you don't have dessert often. You eat empty carbs at meals because it's what you get served, and part of your meal, and if you don't eat it you'll make even worse choices later because you'll be hungry. You start eating when you’re hungry, grabbing whatever is convenient in the moment. You stop eating when that food is gone or you’ve satisfied your hedonism. You may also be a chronic low-level drinker, the old “two fingers of whiskey to take the edge off before bed” or “just a couple beers to unwind” kind of guy. I’m here to tell you: it's well past time to stop. You see, you likely have a bad relationship with food. You might use it to modify your mood. Eating -- like sex and booze and drugs and gambling and shopping and social media – can be a source of dopamine, which can help change your feelings. You got passed over for promotion again, you aren’t getting laid, your kids are disrespectful fucking monsters? You eat. You lick your psychological wounds by licking an ice cream cone. You drown your anxiety in ranch, and you forget about your convoluted life by untangling that bowl of pasta. Maybe that’s not you. *I’m not that kind of headcase* you’re telling yourself. Maybe that’s so; not everything is a Hallmark Channel drama. But don’t go climbing up on that high horse just yet, partner. If your eating is not under control, you still need to reform your relationship with food before you can reform your habits, because you’re probably a lazy, unthinking fuck. You’re living a low-consciousness existence and evading some serious responsibility to yourself. Are you starting to see it yet? Whether your issue is that you are using food as an escape or that you’re already checked out, your body fat is just a leading indicator of your willingness to face your insecurities, to live in the present moment, to plan, and to execute. Last week you committed to making lifting part of your life. You decided on your program, you built it into your schedule, and you execute it in an unfaltering fashion because you recognize its importance to your goals, to living the life you want rather than the life you had. Now you must do the same with eating. Moving forward, you need to change your thinking around eating. No longer is it a coping mechanism, or just something that gets in the way a few times a day. From now on you must view it as a powerful cheat code to getting what you want out of your own life. It has the power to lift you up or break you down. Like the Holy Grail in Indiana Jones, a good choice will give you life, while any of the innumerable poor ones will take it from you. Good nutrition can lead to better health, better physique, and better mental attitude. (Just don’t get sanctimonious about how you eat. Remember that consistency is key and there is no right way to eat for everyone.) So like lifting, I leave it to you to find a food plan that works for you. If you’re completely stumped, try [r/leangains](https://old.reddit.com/r/leangains/). It’s like keto for weight lifters. The thing to really work on though is preparedness and commitment. If you need to bulk meal prep for the week to make sure you stick to your plan, get some Tupperware and get to work. Make all your lunches for the week in advance, and only eat those during the day. Plan what you can have if you want a snack, and measure out portions ahead of time. Know where your calories are coming from, and have good choices ready. Be ready to be hungry and not give a fuck. Drink some water instead, knowing that hunger, like being sore from the gym, is the physical manifestation of positive change. Track your macros and energy intake, at least for a while. This will keep you conscientious about what you’re eating and when, until you *build better habits*. A warning: Taking control of your own eating will inspire some level of dread in your wife, just like lifting. (This should be obvious, it's 60 DoD for a reason.) This is because you’re showing some semblance of independence, responsibility, of leadership (if only of yourself) and of *being a guy who lives intentionally*. Of course, it will also lead her to shit test your resolve on this issue. Practice your amused mastery and own the change. Use A&A if you must. At the very least, simply say, “something had to change, so I changed it.” You don’t owe anyone an explanation for positive change. Nothing must deter you; this is literally life and death we’re talking about here. Go forth and conquer. If there are things you need to own about your relationship to food, put it in OYS. Now go.",,56,SorcererKing,2021-04-08 02:49:21 marriedredpill,ml6zyp,"Own Your Shit Weekly - April 06, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,21,AutoModerator,2021-04-06 08:30:15 marriedredpill,mh90h3,60 DoD Week 1: YOU MUST LIFT,"Welcome to 60 Days of Dread 2021 edition. I promised basic bitch mode to combat the weakness I see in here with new guys. Your trial by fire begins now. The basic idea of 60 DoD is that you suck. You know you suck, we know you suck, and your wife absolutely knows you suck. You're fucking lazy. You're fucking soft. You make excuses, you muse about what you'd *like* to do or what you *wish* you could do, but you never actually do it. That ends now. Take the ticket, ride the ride. Over the course of the next 60 days, you will *change your habits*. You didn't become a piece of shit overnight. Rather, you piled small habits on top of small habits, until you were habitually shitty. So, to undo this, we will strip away all your ego, all your assumptions, and start layering good habits on you, one per week for 8 weeks. Every year I say this, so this year should be no different: the challenge here is to change *what you do and how you do it*. You can find other challenges where people get you to hold your breath under water for 5 minutes or do a million pushups a week. That's admirable, but not what we're going for. Even if right now you can only do 2 pushups, my goal is to get you doing them, every day, at a set time, starting now and ending never. Progress will come; first the habit. So our first week is lifting. It is foundational, and you've seen us harp on this on this forum every chance we get. Much of the negative self-image you hold of yourself (or, conversely, the reason your small amount of positive self-image does not include being strong and fit) is because you think you can't do it. You think ""I'm not built for that,"" or ""I'm too old."" These are all bullshit excuses. Go watch the movie “Pumping Iron”, the classic 70’s documentary about Arnold Schwarzenegger competing in Mr. Universe competitions. You will see a real champion who was 5’ 5” (Franco Columbu) alongside Arnold (6’ 2”) and Lou Ferigno (6’ 4”). In the background are guys of all sizes, ages, and races training in the same gym in Santa Monica that Arnold was. No, your problem is you’re *afraid*. Afraid you’ll fail, afraid you’ll look dumb, afraid of the unknown. That’s all ego. Cast it aside, it’s time to work. People new to lifting will say, “But I don’t know how!” Check the sidebar. We have 60 DoD posts from prior years that have a lot of info about what programs you can do. That could spark a big debate here (and has many times), but let me leave you with this: start simple, and be consistent. When you’re after the n00b gainz it doesn’t really matter what you do, so long as you’re consistent, both in the workout and how often you do it. The logistics of this are simple: 1. Pick a program. If you’re truly at a loss to decide after reading prior 60 DoD posts then do Strong Lifts 5x5, it’s a local favorite for beginners. 2. Pick a place. Even crappy Blue states should have gyms open by now. If not, get creative; if you want it bad enough you'll find a way. 3. Pick the times. Put it on your calendar, burn it in your brain. Your gym time is non-negotiable. No matter what someone wants to do, if it’s during gym time the answer is NO. Treat it like another job you can’t miss. I invite veteran members to offer encouraging words and/or throw tomatoes. Some of these maggots don’t deserve your encouragement or wisdom, but maybe they’ll get off their asses and start being deserving. For those of you participating, post your new habits, successes and problems in your weekly OYS. (You ARE doing OYS, right?) That is all for this week. Now get to work.",,96,SorcererKing,2021-03-31 15:48:55 marriedredpill,mgfuoe,"Becoming ""High Value""","Hello. I wanted to share with you a document. I didn't write it - this comes from Dave Kekich, a businessman in the life-extension space. What is, perhaps, more interesting about Dave is that a freak accident left him paralyzed from the chest down. Despite this, he went on to found multiple successful companies, and has appeared on stage with the likes of Joe Polish and other famous marketers. Below is ""Kekich's Credo"", a list of 100 ""rules for life"" he composed several years back. This document has taken on a life of its own in the intervening years, becoming, in many ways, the thing that Kekich is best known for. It gets passed around and shared quite a bit in the ""budding entrepreneur"" and ""online marketing"" spaces, and for good reason. I revisit this document every quarter, when I set goals for myself and appraise my own progress. Reflecting on it today, it strikes me that we talk *alot* about ""being high value"" in MRP. EVERYTHING is centered around raising your value as a man. But what does that mean, exactly? Yes, lift weights. Dress nice. Shave your balls or whatever. But is that all? Is that what ""being a man"" amounts to - preening and grooming yourself to attract women? If your goal is to get sex, yes - all that matters. Ultimately, however, our lives are not about sex - as so many here will tell you, ""a woman is an *addition* to a valuable life, not the main attraction."" So - what are the principles behind the creation of value? What defines a ""high value"" man, NOT simply in the eyes of women, but the eyes of other men? In the world at large? What principles and practices will build REAL self-worth, self-esteem, and self-confidence over time? How do we go from ""faking it"" to ""making it""? Of course, that's a lifetime pursuit, and there's no simple answer. But Kekich's Credo - shared below in it's entirety - does as good a job of summing up some of those principles as anything else I've read. I hope you get some value out of it, as I have. (Edit: improved formatting) \------- 1. People will do almost anything to stay in their comfort zones. If you want to accomplish anything, get out of your comfort zone. Strive to increase **order** and **discipline** in your life. **Discipline usually means doing the opposite of what you feel like doing.** The easy roads to discipline are 1) setting deadlines, 2) discovering and doing what you do best and what's important and enjoyable to you and 3) focusing on habits by replacing your bad habits and thought patterns, one-by-one, over time, with good habits and thought patterns. 2. **Cherish** **time****, your most valuable resource**. You can never make up the time you lose. It's the most important value for any productive happy individual and is the only limitation to all accomplishment. To waste time is to waste your life. The most important choices you'll ever make are ***how*** you use your time. 3. Think carefully before making any offers, commitments or promises, no matter how seemingly trivial. **These are all contracts and must be honored.** These also include self-resolutions. 4. Real regrets only come from **not doing your best**. All else is out of your control. You're measured by results only. Trade excuses and ""trying"" for results, and expect half-hearted results from half-hearted efforts. Do more than is expected of you. Life's easy when you live it the hard way... and hard if you try to live it the easy way. 5. Always show gratitude when earned, monetarily when possible. 6. Produce for wealth **creation** and **accumulation**. Invest profits for wealth preservation and growth. Produce more than you consume and save a minimum of 20% of all earnings. Pay yourself first. 7. You're successful when you **like who and what you are.** Success includes achievement… while choosing and directing your own activities. It means enjoying intimate relationships and loving what you do in life. 8. Learn from the giants. 9. A little caution avoids great regrets. Hope for the best and prepare for the worst. Keep fully insured physically and materially and keep hedged emotionally. Insurance is not for sale when you need it. 10. Learn the other side's needs, offer as little information as possible, never underestimate your opposition, and never show weakness when negotiating. 11. Never enter into nor invest in a business without a solid, well-researched and well thought-out written plan. **Execute** the plan with passion and precision. Plan and manage your life the same way. 12. Success comes quickly to those whom develop great powers of intense sustained concentration. The first rule is to get involved by asking focused questions. 13. Protect your downside. The upside will take care of itself. Cut your losses short - and let your profits run. This takes tremendous discipline. 14. The primary purpose of business is to create and keep customers. Marketing and innovation produce results. All other business functions are costs. Prospecting and increasing the average value and frequency of sales are the bedrock of marketing and business. 15. If it's not proprietary, it won't work. Pay only on performance. Proprietary interest is one of the most powerful forces ever known. Whatever you reinforce or reward, you get more of. **16. Competence starts with guaranteeing your work**. 17. Life operates in reverse action to entropy. Therefore the universe is hostile to life. **Progress is a continued effort to swim against the stream**. 18. *Find out what works, and then do more of it*. Focus **first** on doing the right things, and then on doing things right by mastering details. A few basic moves produce most results and income. <*this means you model first, just get them down… then get really good at those things… not a new thing every week but mastery through a few repetitive actions* 19. Use leverage with ideas (the ability to generalize is the key to intellectual leverage), work, money, time and people. To maximize profits, replicate yourself. Earning potentials become geometric rather than linear. 20. Rationalizations are generally convenient evasions of reality and are used as excuses for dishonest behavior, mistakes and/or laziness. 21. Always have lofty **explicit** goals and **visualize them intensely.** Assume the attitude that if you don't reach your goals, you will literally die! This type of gun-to-your-head forced focus... survival pressure mindset, no matter how briefly used, stimulates your mind, forces you to use your time effectively... and illuminates new ways of getting things done. 22. **The value of any service you have to offer diminishes rapidly once it's provided. Protect your compensation before performing.** 23. Incalculable effort and hardship over countless generations evolved into the life, values and happiness we take for granted today. Every day should be a celebration of existence. You are a masterpiece of life and should feel and appreciate this all the way down to your bones. Aspire to create, achieve and build onto the great value momentum taking place all around you. 24. Enthusiasm covers many deficiencies - and will make others want to associate with you. 25. Working for someone else gives you little chance to make a fortune. By owning your own business, you only have to be good to become wealthy. 26. **Religiously nourish your body with proper** **nutrition****,** **exercise****,** **recreation****,** **sleep** **and** **relaxation** **techniques.** 27. The choice to exert integrated effort or to default to camouflaged laziness is the key choice that determines your character, competence and future. That critical choice must be made continually - throughout life. **The most meaningful thing to live for is reaching your full potential.** 28. Keep an *active* mind, and continue to grow intellectually. You either grow or regress. Nothing stands still. 29. Most accomplishment (and problem avoidance) is built on clear persuasive communication. That includes knowing each other's definitions, careful listening, thinking before talking, focused questioning and observing your feedback. Become a communications expert. 30. Power comes from stripping away appearances and seeing things as they really are. Socialism appeals to psychological and intellectual weaklings. Identify and replace all external authorities with internal strength and competence. **Take full control of, and responsibility for, your conscious mind and every aspect of your life.** Being incompetent or dependent in any part of your life or business opens you up to sloppiness, manipulation and irrationality. 31. If there is not a conscious struggle to be honest in difficult situations, you are probably being dishonest. Characters aren't really tested until things aren't going well or until the stakes are high. 32. Do not compromise if you are right. Hold your ground, show no fear, ask for what you want, and the opposition will usually agree. 33. If the situation is not right in the long term, walk away from it. Maintain a **long term** outlook in all endeavors. Live like you don't have much time left... but plan as if you'll live for centuries. 34. Invest only after strict and complete due diligence. Don't allow yourself to be rushed. Make important decisions carefully, consider your gut feelings... then pull the trigger. 35. Stress kills. **No matter how painful in the short-term, remove all chronically stressful situations, environments and people from your life.** 36. Keep your overhead to a minimum. Rely more on *brains*, wit and talent... and less on money. 37. Business is the highest evolution of consciousness and morality. The essences of business are: **honesty, effort, responsibility, integration, creativity, objectivity, long-range planning, intensity, effectiveness, discipline, thought and control.** Business is life on all levels at all times. 38. That which is most satisfying is that which is earned. Anything received free of charge is seldom valued. You can't get something for (from) nothing. The price is too high. 39. By adhering to a strong honest philosophy, you will remain guiltless, blameless, independent and maintain control over your life. Without a sound philosophy, your life will eventually crumble. 40. No dream is too big. It takes almost the same amount of time and energy to manage tiny projects or businesses as it does to manage massive ones... and the massive ones carry with them - proportional rewards. 41. There is no such thing as ""just a little theft"" or ""just a little dishonesty"". 42. Lead by example. 43. Take full responsibility for your actions or lack of action. He who errs must pay. This is an easy concept to grasp from the recipient's end. 44. An hour of effective, precise, hard, disciplined - and integrated thinking can be worth a month of hard work. Thinking is the very essence of, and the most difficult thing to do in business and in life. Empire builders spend hour-after-hour on mental work... while others party. **If you're not consciously aware of putting forth the effort to exert self-guided integrated thinking... if you don't act beyond your feelings and instead take the path of least resistance, then you give in to laziness, make bad decisions and no longer control your life.** The most powerful way to do this is to insulate yourself from all distractions. Then write a problem or goal on a sheet of paper and force yourself to come up with at least 20 ways to solve your problem or reach your goal. The last solutions are the toughest and are usually the most life changing. Make this exercise a life-long habit. 45. **Out-think, out-innovate and out-hustle the competition, and vividly visualize yourself as winning before entering into every deal or competitive situation. Maintain a blood-smelling, fighter pilot life-or-death attitude when any deal gets near to a close.** 46. First impressions are lasting impressions. Put your best foot forward. **People treat you like you teach them to treat you**. A success key is positioning yourself at the top of their agenda. 47. The right thing is usually not the easy thing to do. You may sacrifice popularity for rightness, but you'll lose self-esteem for wrongness. Don't be afraid to say ""no"". 48. If someone lies to you once, he'll lie to you a thousand times. Lying is for thieves and cowards. 49. Have strict and total respect for other people's property. 50. Producing results is more important than proving you're right. To get things done, try to understand others' frames of references, points of view, needs and wants. Then determine what is honest, fair, effective and rational... and act accordingly. 51. Long term success is built on credibility and on establishing enduring loving relationships with quality people based on mutually earned trust. **Cut all ties with dishonest, negative or lazy people, and associate with people who share your values.** You become whom you associate with. 52. Outside of yourself, you control nothing… but you can manage anything. Don't be preoccupied with things over which you have no control, and don't take things personally. 53. Spend more time working ""on"" your business than ""in"" your business. 54. Don't enter into a business relationship with anyone unknown to you without being furnished with references dating back at least 10 years. If he doesn't have good enduring relationships, stay away. Check all representations on which you will rely made by everyone. 55. **Enjoy life.** Treat it as an adventure. **Care passionately about the outcome**, but keep it in perspective. Things are seldom as bleak as they seem when they are going wrong - or as good as they seem when they are going well. Lighten up. You'll live longer. 56. **Identify exactly what it is you want**. This takes a lot of thought. Then don't let anything stand in your way of getting it. 57. You can get any job done through the sheer force of will when combined with uncompromising integrity and competence. Strong leadership is the key. 58. **You are responsible for exactly who, what and where you are in life**. That will be just as true this time next year. Situations aren't important. How you react to them is. You have to play it where it lies. 59. The foundation of achievement is intense desire. The world's highest achievers have the highest levels of dissatisfaction. Those with the lowest levels are the failures. The best way to build desire is to make resolute choices for the future. 60. Integrate every aspect of your life (body, mind, spirit, relationships, business) and each within itself. Integrating means understanding and digesting a process... and seeing relationships among seemingly unrelated phenomena. It's a sign of innovative genius. 61. Never be deceptive when trying to achieve a personal gain. Shortchanging others results in loss of self-esteem. 62. If your purpose of life is security, you will be a failure. **Security is the lowest form of happiness.** 63. Never enter into a contract unless all parties benefit. But no partnership is ever 50/50. There will always be inequities. 64. Review the basics of your profession at least once per year. 65. Bitterness, jealousy and anger empower your enemies and enslave you. Negative thinking results in the destruction of property. It is anti-property, therefore anti-capitalistic and anti-life. It also erodes your health. Forgive, learn your lessons, and get on with your life. 66. **Most people spend 90% of their time on what they're not best at and what they don't like doing - and only 10% of their time on their best and most enjoyable ability. Geniuses delegate the 90%... and spend all their time on their ""unique ability""**. 67. High self-esteem can only come from moral productivity and achievement. 68. There are an infinite number of new opportunities. Actively seek them out, and position yourself to recognize and take advantage of them. 69. **The best way to have good ideas is to have lots of ideas**. But there is no such thing as a good idea unless it is developed and utilized. Ditto for prospects. 70. For maximum profits, identify and market universal needs, wants and trends. Creating desire, satisfying needs and wants and replacing problems with creative innovations are the essence of profit generation. 71. To maximize opportunities, seek and master the complicated. The major solutions you find will be surprisingly simple, and the competition is minimal. 72. Always have options. Options are a primary source of power. Power also comes from stripping away appearances and seeing things as they really are. 73. Nothing wins more often than superior preparation. Genius is usually preparation. 74. Patience is profitable. Achievement comes from the sum of **consistent small efforts, repeated daily.** 75. Persistence is a sure path to success **with quality activities**. Never, ever, ever give up. 76. ""I will do this"" is the only attitude that works. ""I'll try"" or ""I think"" doesn't work. 77. Always work on increasing the size of the pie, rather than just your portion. 78. Rewards are rare without risks, but take only carefully calculated risks. Make sure the odds are on your side. 79. The ""how"" you get it (with integrity) is more important than the ""what"". 80. Be explicit and semantically precise in all communications, agreements and dealings. Summarize and write down important discussions... and make sure all sides agree. Putting agreements in writing avoids misunderstandings. Memories are fallible, and death is inevitable (so far). 81. **The best way to get started is to get started**. Life rewards action... not reaction. Wait for nothing. Attack life. Don't plan to death or ask for permission... but act now... and apologize later. 82. Question everything. Don't believe it's true or right just because it's conventional. Strip all limits from your imagination on every deal and look for an unconventional creative opportunity in every mistake, crisis or problem. Be flexible, and be willing to turn on a dime when advantageous. 83. Have fun. The single key to a successful happy life is finding a vocation you enjoy - one that excites you the most. 84. Nobody gets old by surprise. 85. When it's a matter of producing or starving, people don't starve. 86. You get what you expect, not what you want. Fill your life with positive expectations. Demand the best. Attitude and desire contribute to 90% of your achievement. Anyone can learn the physical mechanics. 87. The surest way to accomplish your business goals is making service to others your primary goal. The key to success is adding value to others' lives. 88. The source of lasting happiness can never come from outside yourself through consuming values - but only from within yourself by creating values. Producing more than you consume is the only justification for existence. 89. Unattended problems will not go away, but will usually get worse. Anticipate and avoid problems - or meet them head on at the outset. Overcome fear by attacking it. 90. Find an excuse to laugh every chance you get, especially when you least feel like it. 91. When someone makes a big issue about his honesty or achievements, he is probably dishonest or a failure. 92. Put the magic power of compound interest to work with every available dollar. 93. The best investment you will ever make is your steady increase of knowledge. Invest in yourself. Thirty minutes of study per day eventually makes you an expert in any subject - but only if you apply that knowledge. Study alone is no substitute for experience. Education is always painfully slow. 94. For each important action you take, ask yourself if you would be embarrassed if it were published. It takes a lifetime of effort to build a good reputation but only a moment of stupidity to destroy it. 95. You are exactly what you believe and think about all day long. Constantly monitor your thoughts. 96. Skepticism is a key to rational thinking. Be especially skeptical of your own cherished beliefs. You might be wrong... and things change. 97. Anxiety is usually caused by lack of control, organization, preparation and action. 98. **The first rule of sharpening your mind is to be an alert and sensitive observer.** Assume nothing. If it can't be observed, it's not true. Never act on blind faith. Whenever something sounds too good to be true, it almost always is. **Refuse to be swayed by emotion when it conflicts with reason**. Observation is the genesis of all knowledge and progress... and is the first and last step of every thinking man's tool - The Scientific Method. All science and most progress is built on the Scientific Method (most non-scientists use it by accident). The steps are: 1) **OBSERVATION**. Gathering and rationally organizing facts. This is where most people fail. 2) **INDUCTIVE REASONING**. Forming a hypothesis - or a generalization of facts held to be true. 3) **EXTRAPOLATION**. Making a projection or prediction based on the hypothesis in areas you didn't yet observe. 4) **OBSERVATION**. A test for the hypothesis to see if it works. 99. Experience is not what happens to you. It's what you do with what happens to you. It takes a wise man to learn from his own mistakes... and **a genius to learn and profit from the mistakes and experiences of others**. 100. The purpose of life is to delay, avoid and eventually reverse death.",,185,resolutions316,2021-03-30 13:19:09 marriedredpill,mgb9d4,"Own Your Shit Weekly - March 30, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,18,AutoModerator,2021-03-30 08:30:19 marriedredpill,mfwd15,"Practical Female Psychology, amendment videos","It's down on the sidebar, Franco's Practical Female Psychology. I've noticed a lot of guys I've talked to over the years needed a few reads on Glover, Smith, or Franco's stuff, so I've gone and done some companion pieces to the books. They do not replace reading the material, I guarantee you'll miss important details if you replace actual reading with watching youtube. What it will do is help put some of the stuff into context, as well as some additional information, or in some cases, things information that hasn't stood the test of time. Enjoy fellas [PFP ♦ 1](https://youtu.be/YngpBnwLjNw) [PFP ♦ 2](https://youtu.be/yvJua9Z3g7o) [PFP ♦ 3](https://youtu.be/-iHo22UTu8k) [PFP ♦ 4](https://youtu.be/1Qa2DHqQnjI) I'll eventually have about 18 of these, one per chapter. Releasing them every Sunday Enjoy",,64,RStonePT,2021-03-29 18:42:09 marriedredpill,mcznv1,A high value man's guide to dread with a First Officer,"With some years passing since it was first written, we all know the best [dancing monkey attraction improvement program](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/74yepr/the_dancing_monkey_attraction_improvement/) (by u/man_in_the_world ) is the [12 levels of Dread](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2lpafb/the_12_step_plan_of_dread_book_excerpt_from_my/). I'll presume that if you're at this point we're talking about today, you understand that while the 12 levels are a [huge covert contract](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/igf65m/the_dread_contract_and_scoreboard_how_to_frame/) (by u/tyred_biggums) for even the above average retard, it is the best framework that we have for the idiots that bumble into this corner of the internet we call MRP. &#x200B; The entire goal for a guy working through the dread levels, to him while in the middle of it, is to generate enough dread over the course of time to manipulate his woman into believing he is a man worth fucking and following... but mostly fucking. Somewhere along the way - usually after the 6 month mark, he starts to believe these things for himself, about himself, and the covert contract is quickly exposed for most. He can then congruently ""run through the dread levels"" and pretty much skip the FMOFY retard speech. It is here the framework of the entire 12 levels of dread split into smithereens of gayness. And if that model *doesn't* break down at that time... you'll likely be a retarded professor giving a speech from his basement in a 17 year old polo shirt, wooden podium holding a microphone from the dawn of the internet, and still looking like you don't lift telling other men IT WORKS! &#x200B; So today I want to write to the current you or future you that just had a main-event, or maybe not - but your First Officer finally understood the dynamic that you've set and is aboard your ship. The 12 LoD broke the fuck down into a worthless pile of shit. You're walking around with big dick energy, have learned completely what true OI feels and looks like within you, and have naturally high levels of DNGAF. You've probably become one of the 5% success stories we see here at MRP where men actually turn their lives around and are joyful. Congratulations. You're captain of the USS McBigDick and have the appropriate flair. &#x200B; You've got a first officer (who probably needs some work, training, and is woefully behind) who will do *anything* to keep her role that adds value to your life, and does so because she's with a HVM who she *wants* to do these things for now. This is what dread *is supposed to do.* This is what Jack10 described as ""passive dread"". If it's not doing that, you're not there yet and should skip this guide until later. &#x200B; When the scales tipped finally in the power dynamics for me, it was pretty awesome. Lots of sloppy blowjobs, doing whatever I wanted to her sexually... basically being treated like the fucking Captain who came home from years stranded at sea. Having a woman there wanting and willing to do anything for me just so she could be part of my life? And she's pretty hot? Well fuck! Sign me the fuck up. \------------------------------------------ **The HVM's dread mistake:** Most men fall into this pattern when they have a willing FO: 1. Her actions (not words) aren't good enough. You point it out, and point out her ego about it. 2. She is upset about it. 3. Her ego accepts it is true. 4. Comfort seeks so she can get leadership. 5. You provide leadership on what you want. 6. PRAISE those new behaviors in unique ways. Return to step 1. &#x200B; Here is an average example: 1. ""You rarely get dinner ready at 6pm. You're a bad wife. This doesn't add value to my life. Fix it, and figure out why you aren't capable of doing this"" (or else she'll naturally be dreaded). 2. Woman cries, gets sad. 3. Woman uses logic: He isn't happy. I want to make him happy. He is right. I don't like dread. 4. Woman comes to you saying sorry, in form of a comfort-test. You pass the comfort test. 5. You guide her by saying you want dinner served at 6pm everyday because XYZ. You let her know that by having dinner ready at 6pm, it allows you to take care of other things you need to take care of, and she would add great value to your life having dinner ready on time. 6. She serves dinner more regularly at 6pm for a week straight, you take her upstairs and ravish her body like a man would. She feelz great. Doesn't matter; got dinner. &#x200B; A matter of fact, I've advocated for this approach for a long time to guys who were trying to unfuck their lives in the intermediate stages of MRP. It works. But it does NOT work for a high value man. It instills too much dread, as I will explain later. &#x200B; Here is another example, made famous by /u/red-sfpplus, and usually applies to men spinning plates or who have an extreme DNGAF attitude and hate comfort tests: 1. ""You rarely get dinner ready at 6pm. You're a bad wife. This doesn't add value to my life. Fix it, and figure out why you aren't capable of doing this"" (or else she'll naturally be dreaded). 2. Woman cries, gets sad. 3. Woman uses logic: He isn't happy. I want to make him happy. He is right. I don't like dread. 4. Woman comes to you saying sorry, in form of a comfort-test. You tell her to fuck off and get her shit together. ""bitch, my presence is enough for your comfort test. Stfu and figure it out."" Fuck her so she'll shut the fuck up, making her feel valuable again temporarily. She remembers quickly what happened in step #1, and then goes straight to step #5 carry the original burden of Step #1 also. 5. Absence of leadership from her Captain creates MORE dread. 6. Woman goes fucking bonkers and now you *have* no choice but to dump her ass - or pass the comfort test, give leadership again on issue #1 & 5, praise both of them. I never advocated this model. It is in the absence of leadership in #5 at this point THAT instills dread as well. ""Where's the fucking Captain? Why isn't he telling me what to do? How can I add value to his life?"" are some of the questions the female hamster asks. So when [/u/red-sfpplus](https://www.reddit.com/u/red-sfpplus/) is running around slaying fitchicks with a clit that looks like Chyna, and doing his own shit not giving a fuck to an extreme, his comfort tests are twice as fucking difficult to deal with in the first place. &#x200B; But guys, I'm here to tell you a secret. You can skip all of that bullshit above if you follow this guide below. \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ &#x200B; # The High Value Man's Guide to Dread ***Step 1*****: You provide leadership on what you want and what adds value to your life.** ***Step 2*****: Praise those new behaviors in unique ways.** ***Step 3*****: Profit and return to Step 1.** &#x200B; &#x200B; Wait. It looks like I just removed steps 1-4 above and just went straight to step 5, doesn't it? How does that instill any dread from the 12 steps of dread to get her to behave? *It doesn't.* *It's not your job to* ***make*** *her behave.* \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ And that's what I'm here to tell you dudes. When you get to be a high value man in this world... you're *rare.* You're the prize and both of you know it. In a way your woman has taken her own redpill and admitted to her ego that to keep a HVM, she must add value. And by providing her leadership on what those things valuable things are, you are giving her a path through any [potential hamster dread maze](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/374wln/what_we_talk_about_when_we_talk_about_dread_13/) she encounters or creates herself. That's literally fucking it. You show her the exit sign at all times. &#x200B; But what if she *doesn't* follow your leadership on what you want in the first step? My question is: Why do you care? Shouldn't she be the one caring (dreading) if she's meeting your requirements for a relationship if you're the prize? But wait... didn't you tell her exactly how to stop the **natural** dread and escape the maze? \--------------------------------------------------- # The Natural Dread Hamster Maze This is what Jack10 described as ""passive dread"". I think the term ""natural dread"" is more applicable because it implies that it is indeed natural for you as a man and not officially ""dread"". HVM create natural dread.... naturally and unintentionally. &#x200B; Along my journey I discovered that the ""used to be alpha"" meme is actually true for most guys who come here to MRP. Even I had this mental model at first but when I peeled back the ego onion I realized it was because I was never a HVM before. I was a *good* man, but not a *great* one. And so, when I married my wife she also married the potential for me to become a HVM. But she had NEVER been with a HVM before. If she had, she'd be married to him and not me, or she was too low value to snatch him. Either way - she had never experienced being in a relationship with a HVM. &#x200B; Most women have zero idea how to deal with a high value man, but most critically, emotionally deal with him. The best requires her best. My wife was certainly never ever prepared for this level of effort, and so she begins to question her self worth and value (dread) naturally because... holy shit. Look at this *man I have on my hands.* &#x200B; And this is what women understand that makes **natural dread** weird as shit to deal with as a HVM. HVM are delicately threading the needle often of giving her relief from natural dread (through leadership and reward) which is mistaken by others as giving ""too many fucks"". To those MRP up and comers, it seems like supplicant behavior, so the vets around here don't talk about it much. But we understand the necessity to check in occasionally on those feelz (within our frame). She wouldn't want to say overtly something to upset her HVM when the focus should be on him.... so you poke a little using some techniques. Are those feelz doing well? Ok? Moving on. I like to think that a HVM genuinely cares about everyone in his crew and this becomes a necessity to the HVM with a busy and abundant life. &#x200B; Otherwise it consumes too much of his time from *not* leading in this area. This is a side effect of the example given here about /u/red-sfpplus &#x200B; **This is not bluepill bullshit about catering to a relationship.** The relationship is STILL her job. You just set the boundaries of it and tell her, do with her, or do TO her what you like, then just let her know in whatever way you want that you were congruently pleased with her value. &#x200B; If you can manage to thread this needle with this simple plan, your life becomes a cycle of gifting leadership and praising the gains your woman makes which amplify yours. The feminine grows through praise. \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ **So why the simplified plan and telling the 12 levels of Dread to Fuck Off?** Because it doesn't work for a HVM. Nowhere in the 12 LoD does it indicate you should be leading your woman to add value to your life. And if there is anything I've learned in my journey here at MRP that has become an iron rule for me it's this: *The feminine grows through praise.* I have previously given you my mental model of how I began [converting dread into desire](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/d2rvsm/depressive_and_anxious_wives_converting_dread_to/). And despite that effort, I have discovered that there still remains a natural level of dread that is in some cases too much for the average woman to handle without leadership of how to exit the maze. Your woman was never led or taught how to handle a man like you, and in fact they were told the opposite - just like you believed in the bluepill. I have now given you my mental model of how to convert any remaining dread into a desire *for leadership*. As a man one of your greatest gifts to a woman is your leadership and clarity to cut through the bullshit and get straight to the ""heart"" of the matter. Plus, it allows you to skip all those hysterical crying messes that are secretly veiled as comfort tests for leadership anyways. Embracing your gift fearlessly is all that you need to do.",,90,HornsOfApathy,2021-03-25 14:35:09 marriedredpill,mba2l3,"Own Your Shit Weekly - March 23, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,16,AutoModerator,2021-03-23 08:30:20 marriedredpill,maqiom,Blew up at wife on Saturday. Thinking nice guy behaviors sunk me here.,"Yesterday I came home and my wife and kid were trying to get the TV to work. Basically you just have to turn it on first, and then turn the soundsystem to the correct input. But wife gave the remote to 5yo and kid was turning the TV on and off to the point the TV sperged out and wasn't responsive. I took the remote away from the kid and wife started to direct me on what to do. I tuned her out and wife kept pressing. I lost my shit and blew up at her. I said some very shitty things because I have a mean streak and am pretty creative. I may have just accidentally ruined our marriage. I'm kind of prepared for that, but I really don't want to deal with courts and her light switch effect. Here's where I think I went wrong. I've been running dread for almost a year now, and bedroom is mostly in a good place, sans a month ago when she suddenly decided that she didn't want to have sex that much anymore. That took a week to fix itself. But her disrespect is off the charts-recently she reached out to my ex. She feels the need to direct me, partially because I've let her for most of 13+ years. So I keep running dread with the unspoken expectation that she's suddenly going to respect my boundaries and follow my lead when I'm trying to fix a problem. And that's the problem. The unspoken expectation. I know demanding respect is desperate. And I know that if I make myself a better guy, she isn't obligated to appreciate it. The stay plan is the same as the go plan. But I forgot about it in the moment. I still haven't internalized being unaffected by her bullshit. I slipped up, and it sucks. I'm getting impatient. At what point does not engaging in covert contracts become natural?",,40,[deleted],2021-03-22 15:39:56 marriedredpill,m64bwt,"Own Your Shit Weekly - March 16, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,9,AutoModerator,2021-03-16 08:30:10 marriedredpill,m1295x,"Own Your Shit Weekly - March 09, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,16,AutoModerator,2021-03-09 08:30:18 marriedredpill,lvxbua,"Own Your Shit Weekly - March 02, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,22,AutoModerator,2021-03-02 08:30:17 marriedredpill,ltxzmn,"Yes, you too can easily fuck married women.","A few years back it was a somewhat recurring topic here at MRP in OYS posts... guys who wanted to fuck women figured out that fucking married women was the easiest way to lockdown an ironclad secret. Mutually good OPSEC, with assured mutual destruction - it is the closest you got to keeping your dirty little secret. And wow, there were some good stories. There are plenty of books out there on game, hell - just the sidebar alone would probably do you well enough if you read it with some intent and then took that knowledge out in the world to calibrate to situations. We know game takes time, but I want to tell you this: married women rarely get gamed anymore. They're dying for attention from a capable man. Their husbands are likely sitting at home and fucking their hands while watching pixel women fuck other men. How pathetic. In case you didn't catch that post, it's was about [how stopping problematic porn usage changes things](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/l23n9p/timeline_escaping_sex_for_validation_and_quitting/). So imagine your competition here - you're going up against that (probably) fat, boring, loser of a man. Hell, maybe he goes to cross-fit and gets sort of fit by validating himself against everyone else except himself. You know, not being his own judge and all you know that deep down, *he's a fucking pussy.* And his wife wants a fucking man. That's what we talk about here all the time. Deep down in that woman, who's married to him, is a fucking slut that is dying for a man to come along and free her of a sexual prison. As she sits trapped in the ivory tower of prudeness, you roll up in your [2003 Mustang](https://i.imgur.com/W3lTIPO.jpg) (V6, not a V8) with 173,000 miles and a 10 foot paintjob... and she is AMAZED at you. You are *exciting.* That car is just.... *him.* Fuck. That guy. That is a man who fucks. And he can keep her dirty little sexual secrets? She's slobbin' on your knob in minutes. I've seen it probably thousands of times in the past two years alone. So the next time you get that 6th sense that between that wife's legs she is soaking her panties, I say go for it. Why the fuck not? She'll probably test you and shit, but sidebar, right? You can pass that stupid woman shit. That woman is the easiest lay in the fucking world. I say fuck them good. Fuck them hard. And fucking enjoy being a man that knows how to be *alive*. I promise that if you just move forward on that lonely housewife, she'll play along. She'll keep your secrets, and you'll keep hers. No one will ever know. Why? That woman is your wife. And if you aren't pulling up in a 2003 'stang, well, statistics show [someone](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/fnnfja/fr_teaching_a_16yo_kid_to_lift/) around here probably will. Game on, retard.",,152,HornsOfApathy,2021-02-27 21:40:27 marriedredpill,lqdelr,"Own Your Shit Weekly - February 23, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,14,AutoModerator,2021-02-23 08:30:16 marriedredpill,lkzjzx,"Own Your Shit Weekly - February 16, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,27,AutoModerator,2021-02-16 08:30:17 marriedredpill,lhwxtq,Hysteric Bonding,"I've been going back into the basics, stuff from years back. Something I haven't seen in the subreddit in a while was the idea of hysteric bonding. A girl, for whatever reason, decides to make a decision in her self interest and against yours. Usually it's cheating in hopes of potential hubby #2. A few guys noticed, usually when the divorce proceedings were not going according to her plan, or when beau 2.0 didn't actually stick around, that the girl starts talking about 'mistakes were made, want to work it out?' and then some of the best sex of their relationship. It turns out anxiety and loss aversion are natures aphrodisiac. It's the same idea as to why the main event exists, why dread game can be remarkably effective, and FOMO are standard game concepts. Dr. David Bus talks about the massive amount of sexual motivations women have in 'Why women have Sex' (a great book if you haven't read it) and this is one of them. No one really talks about it though. Women don't like the idea of their sexuality being their own agency on the world, and most guys are too ego invested to see the motivations. It's much easier to let ego tell him 'she realized she fucks up and really knows what she's missing now!' Anyways, if you're a guy who has been through a relationship ending amount of bullshit from a wife or girlfriend, then suddenly hot sex and super loving behavior comes in a few weeks later, chances are it's hysteric bonding manifesting. It's nothing you did, and it's gotten a lot of guys to accept taking back a horrible deal. If I can find it I'm trying to find this field report from the guy who was divorcing his wife, and had her give him a start to finish blowjob in his lawyers office. I remember his quote pretty specifically ""At any point in the last ten years this is all she had to do to keep our marriage working, and she chose now, that the signature is all thats left?"" That and he let her finish, signed the papers, moved on with his life. If anyone has it, please share the link below, it's a damned wonderful field report. ^(I hope /u/alphabet49 is still around, he was the one who first put me onto this years back.) [If you aren't a reader you can just listen](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K2Ps5M5thjw)",,95,RStonePT,2021-02-11 22:42:25 marriedredpill,lfy3q6,"Own Your Shit Weekly - February 09, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,25,AutoModerator,2021-02-09 08:30:16 marriedredpill,ld80pw,The Most Important Word in a Relationship,"Is “No”. No, we can’t have that extra whatever you want to buy, that would derail us from our goals. No, I’m not doing x, y or z in your place because you don’t feel like it or have some made up reason why you can’t. No, I’m not driving you to wherever to return clothes that don’t fit. No, I’m not paying $ for your ( before we met) kids’ school or whatever, when their dad is still around and you have a job. And so on. Remember folks you are the container, the woman is the amazing energy that will fill it. Be a weak paper bag frame and she’ll blow through whatever “limits” you set for that container. And HOW YOU SAY NO is very important. Apply WISNIFG methods and always the suave, charming “no, darling , I’m busy doing a, b, c on my Mission” or “I would love to help, but I am busy with that instead.” Smile, kiss her, tell her that you love her, BUT HOLD THE FUCKING line. Stay attractive. The good news is that 9x out of ten her mood and demands will pass, you’ll pass the fucking shit test. She’ll move on, she’ll find her own way to solve her whatever minute problems. Don’t be a jerk, help when and how you can, but do it on your terms. Don’t be selfish, be generous. She’ll try to challenge your resolve CONSTANTLY and relentlessly, often even without realizing. She’ll likely always want more more more of your life energy. It’s all in the 16 commandments of poon. After years of “red pill awareness “ that’s the one set of principles I always come back to. Helps to re read that at least every month.",,93,Redpillbrigade17,2021-02-05 14:16:54 marriedredpill,lc9g39,60 DoD '21 - no quarter will be offered,"This is your first warning that 60 DoD 2021 is coming, starting March 31 and ending May 30. As always, this will deposit you maggots into your Summer better than you were in your Spring. I've been away, and while you have been under the watchful eye of Gen 4 and 5 moderators, I smell weakness in here. You will be purged with fire, you will be purged with pain. We're going back to Basic Bitch Mode this year. You have been warned.",,77,SorcererKing,2021-02-04 06:24:00 marriedredpill,lar334,"Own Your Shit Weekly - February 02, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,20,AutoModerator,2021-02-02 08:30:12 marriedredpill,l59rs8,"Own Your Shit Weekly - January 26, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit. \--- MRP Mods host a regularly weekly review on [/u/weakandsensitive](https://www.reddit.com/u/weakandsensitive/)'s [youtube channel](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeD5oABWUTB9vp_egrWNJbg/featured) on Sunday at 8PM CST. Think someone has made an OYS worth focusing on? Do you want your own OYS post discussed? Sign up [using this link](https://www.signupgenius.com/go/10c0d49acaa2faaf8ce9-oysweekly1). Make sure you're signing up on the right date. Use a fake name and email.",,20,AutoModerator,2021-01-26 08:30:11 marriedredpill,l2sd9g,The Mindset...of a Man Who Fucks,"I wanted to add a few things to Horn's [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/l23n9p/timeline_escaping_sex_for_validation_and_quitting/) that I think warrants a separate discussion. &nbsp; **Being a man who fucks** Are you a man who fucks? What does that mean? Not the ""who fucks"" part, but the ""being a man who"" part. (What blarg? That doesnt even make sense). I'm going to bring up a post about perceived identity that *a guy I know really well* [wrote about a long time ago.](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/5krcut/who_are_you/). The main message at the end of that rambling post (man that guy can really ramble huh?) was that you craft your own identity. And the identity you have *to others* is that which *you choose* to display to others. Not only is that identity your choice, but it is also malleable. &nbsp; But recently I've noticed some things within myself that relate to this topic. And one of those things is my identity as **I** see it, as opposed to how others see it. And what that means and how it relates to my decisions in life. See, when I think about myself, I can describe myself as a guy who's ""woke"", as a lifter, as a father, etc. And the reason I can do that is because those are the things that I consistently do and which are important to me. Just like Billy the gamer in the referenced post is a guy who games. But something happens when I find myself in a spot where I havent consistently done those things. For example I'm an avid climber. I've been going indoor climbing with friends almost weekly for about a decade. But there are times where situations come up, or friends arent available, where I havent climbed in a few weeks. When this happens, I find an intense anxiety within me that starts driving me to go climbing RIGHT NOW, with or without friends, regardless of logistics, or (most importantly) IF I EVEN WANT TO GO CLIMBING RIGHT NOW OR NOT. &nbsp; And upon noticing this, I've learned that that feeling that's driving me to go climbing is my own ego protection of my identity as a climber. A climber is a guy who climbs on the regular. Billy the gamer is a gamer because he games on the regular. So if I havent climbed in weeks, can I say that I'm a climber? Well that starts getting called into question now doesnt it? &nbsp; **Are you a man who fucks?** I've said it before in OYS that an important part of removing the validation seeking behavior between you and sex with your wife is to ask yourself when you have the idea to go have sex with her: ""Do I even want to have sex with her right now? Or is this just for validation?"" In the same vein then, you must ask yourself: ""Do I want to have sex with her, or am I just trying to protect my identity to myself as being a guy who fucks?"" And yes, honestly I've been a victim of this too. I'll have gone 5 -7 days without having sex with my wife and I'll start to get a feeling. And I'll say to myself ""Hmm, I havent fucked her in awhile. I should go fuck her."" But then I catch myself and ask ""Wait a second...do I *want* to fuck her right now? Or is this feeling coming from a place of SELF validation that has convinced me if I dont go fuck my wife right now that I'm NOT A GUY WHO FUCKS."" &nbsp; **The lesson here is this:** Take these examples I've given and see where they apply in every facet of your life. Self identity is so important that it can be classified as one of our basic needs along with food, shelter, and sex. Get a hold of your own mind and ask yourself when you feel the urge to do something: Is this urge natural? Is it really who I am? Is it what I want to do? Or is it coming from a place of neediness, of validation, to others, OR MYSELF, that satisfies a covert contract that unless I do what I'm being pulled to do, then I am not who I thought I was. This is a thin hair and potential dynamite to those who are using Fake It Til You Make It to try and be someone who they arent currently. The point isnt to NOT do things if they ARENT who you are...the point is whether or not you ARE doing things for the sole purpose of validating to yourself that you ARE who you are. &nbsp; **She will withdrawal emotionally, you will withdrawal physically - and a stale mate will set in until you are willing to act on that desire.** Horns accurately is describing the point here concerning you withdrawing yourself from your woman as a result of a decrease in attraction due to you not valuing the validation she gave you before. The point here is trying to teach you to act on the true desire to fuck her when you want to. But there is a situation a marriage can get into, especially a ""comfortable"" marriage when a beta is trying to change himself and the dynamic in his marriage to one where his woman genuinely desires him, that involves this stalemate EVEN IF you change yourself and start fucking from true desire. And that stalemate comes from the fact that your wife still doesnt have a desire to fuck you. (In other words you've changed yourself into a man who initiates from true desire...but that doesnt mean she will desire to fuck you.) &nbsp; What do then? The main thing to remember here is that you dont control her. However she decides to respond to your initiations (with desire, or compliance, or not at all) is her choice. However, if you notice, the stalemate is one in which you withdraw physically, and she withdraws emotionally. Her withdraw emotionally is IN RESPONSE TO you withdrawing physically. This is done in order to keep a leg up on you in the power dynamic, and coerce you back into giving physically. To reiterate...the situation started with her in control of the power dynamic: She is fulfilled in marriage enough to be ""comfortable"" and you are in a state of discomfort because you arent getting your sexual needs met. In response to you withdrawing physically, she will withdraw emotionally which happens to KEEP the power dynamic in her favor. This doesnt necessarily mean she's doing it on purpose, IE: ""Oh he thinks he's going to stop touching me? Well I'll turn into a cold bitch. That'll show him."" She could simply be reacting to your withdraw from a state of discomfort IE: ""He's not touching me as much as before...I'm worried about what this means...so I'll become more reserved emotionally to protect myself."" Either way the result is now you going from one discomfort (lack of sex) to two (lack of sex and emotion), while she only experiences one (lack of you physically). &nbsp; **The lesson here is this:** Changes dont happen in a vaccuum. And changes dont happen unless there's a drive to change. This is why talking some of the time doesnt work. It is good to have a line of communication to ensure that needs arent being ignored merely due to the other party not knowing...but if the other party is fully aware of the dynamic, and are not under pressure to change it, most of the time they wont. When guys get into this situation, they will feel that they are still at a loss due to being MORE uncomfortable, and thus resolve the situation by going back to their wife and showing physical presence and affection again. The problem is, this simply puts the old dynamic back in place. This is another lit stick of dynamite because guys may think that the key to *changing her* is to make her more uncomfortable. And then write a covert contract that **because** they change...she is then supposed to. That's not true, remember I said you dont control her. Threading the needle here, and bringing Horn's lesson back into it, is to initiate from a place of YOUR true desire, but understand that this doesnt mean she will change. And that changing the dynamic by removing yourself *isnt done for the purpose of changing the dynamic*, it's done because your time and attention is better spent elsewhere. If she so chooses to then change because **she's** uncomfortable with the new dynamic...awesome. But to you, you're just doing what you're doing for *the next best dynamic within your control*. &nbsp; **Your woman can smell when you fuck your hand instead of her and it just reaffirms you're a beta male that can't get laid and refuses to power through that masculine energy and drive.** This isnt figurative. This is literal. They can literally smell it. And so can you. They dont know it. This is something that happens subconsciously. But smell is absolutely a driver in social-sexual dynamics. Examples: &nbsp; - I was out at a bar after co-ed sports one time. A woman we were playing flip cup with went into near euphoria and declared ""Someone in this room smells so freaking good right now."" It's been proven that women's preference in sexual partners peaks during ovulation (T shirt test). I thought to myself right then ""Yep, she's ovulating"". - Just the other day I was playing sports and some guy brought his wife/gf along. She passed by me and smelled like the perfume an ex of mine wore a decade and a half ago. I recognized it instantly. - There have been numerous studies involving mice where a female mouse being in the presence of a fertile male's urine causes her to go into ovulation. A male mouse being in the presence of a dominant male mouse's urine causes him to be submissive. And male dogs will absolute start frothing at the mouth when smelling the presence of a female dog in heat's urine. &nbsp; **The lesson here is this:** You ARE giving off cues undetectable to either of your senses when you do this things you do...EVEN things you do out of the presence of other people. We've been biologically programmed to pick up on this. So dont think for a second that ""because no one sees me do it, they'll never know"". &nbsp; **Slow....the fuck....down** Finally I want to throw out a concept that ties into initiating with purpose and dominance that also seems to permeate multiple aspects of life. I know the context of lessons learned from a mind-altered state present themselves as some kind of LARPing enlightenment...but let this land for a second and I'm sure you'll see how it rings so true in many facets of life. There are mutliple lessons I've brought back from trips I've taken, each one being different. But the one lesson that stays the same each and every time is to SLOW...the FUCK...DOWN. &nbsp; A story first: How often when eating do you just shove the food into your mouth, chew it up, and get it down in an effort to get the next delicious bite in? How often do you savor it, roll it around in your mouth, and enjoy the sensations you're experiencing? On one of my trips i had a small bowl of dirt cake. I was sitting with family playing board games and after awhile one of my relatives looked at my and said: ""Blarg, it's been an hour and a half, are you going to finish that bowl of dirt cake ever?"" I was slowly savoring each and every bite. The texture of the cookies. The taste of the pudding. The freaking metalic feeling of the spoon. All these things I usually ignore when getting a snack at night, choosing instead to polish it off in less than 10 minutes. &nbsp; The cause here is absolutely dopamine related. It's a short-term drive to get as much pleasure as you can, as quickly as you can, ignoring all else. And it's not unique to food. Think about the last few times you've had sex with your wife. What was the order of events? Did you game her for the day? Did you touch her and then withdraw? Did you kiss her slowly, savoring the taste of her lips, paying attention to every curve of her body? Or did you quickly ask for a fuck, run to the bedroom and drop clothes, and fuck her? &nbsp; As men we get our fix from finishing a task. But women get a lot of pleasure from what happens IN the task. So when you initiate as fast as possible, get her naked as fast as possible, and fuck her as fast as possible, you get your fix. But she feels empty. There's no Emotion. There's no Immersion. Dominance and Variety are a man's main spices. But Emotion and Immersion are a woman's. That's not to say she doesnt enjoy dominance and variety and just getting taken sometimes. But the difference here is those things contribute to the emotion and immersion of the situation by their very nature. &nbsp; **The lesson here is this:** When you SLOW DOWN and attempt to enjoy every piece of the game from initiation to post-sex cuddling, you allow her to also savor and enjoy what's going on. But even more importantly...when you slow down you REMOVE the ego-protection that is the lack of time to be AFRAID of what's going on, because you're forcing you and her to experience it. You know how when you're nervous in a situation, such as having to make a presentation at work, and you find yourself speaking quickly, flailing limbs frantically, and generally wishing it was all ""just over""? That's the feeling you're unconsciously trying to get rid of when you go fast. You're trying to move fast enough to not allow the universe to inject any negative feeling or reality into your situation. But in doing so, you also not allowing the universe to let you (or her) feel any *positive* feeling or reality into your situation. Bathe in that chaos. Allow the potential of both good and bad in the situation to wash over you. And accept who you are, who she is, and what's going on in it's fullest sense.",,130,[deleted],2021-01-22 17:23:42 marriedredpill,l23n9p,"Timeline: Escaping Sex for Validation, and Quitting Porn","# Timeline of Escaping Sex for Validation I am going to safely presume that you've been hitting the sidebar, been in the gym 3-4x a week minimum, and most of your MAP has been identified and actions in motion. You are a man on his way in the intermediate stages of MRP. Each of the stages last approximately 1 month. (\*Edit\* - see notes under Stage 2 it's exception.) &#x200B; **Stage 1 - The Problem: Recognizing sex for validation** [Validation needs kill your sex life.](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/ab7vt5/validation_needs_that_can_poison_your_sex_life/) I'll just presume you've read that link a few times and agree you fit a few of those categories. This is how you've always fucked your woman. In fact, you've probably NEVER fucked your woman for anything other than validation and so what happens? [When was the last time you fucked your woman?](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/gq2d5d/when_was_the_last_time_you_fucked_your_woman/) Your dick becomes absolutely confused as to why it would want to fuck a woman. If there's no validation - or you're trying to cut it out as much as possible - your dick will look up at you every time you're aroused and say, ""Hey, big man upstairs. Are you a man who fucks? No? I ain't fucking this woman just so you can feelz good about yourself. Fuck off."" And your dick goes and hides deep between your legs because it's disgusted at you. Often I observe that stopping the use of porn for most men is the quickest way to realize your long-standing ""sex for validation"" mental model. &#x200B; **Stage 2 - The Grind: Extremely low libido, repeating mistakes** You've recognized the validation and agree to stop. You'll go through a period of extremely low libido. Your brain begins to rewire itself, figuring out how to make your dick work again because now it can only be activated on desire alone. No quick validation release anymore. It doesn't exist. You'll get depressed. This is normal. Keep trying to listen to yourself and your body and trust it. You'll be extremely short and annoyed by your woman. You'll probably rarely want to talk to her. With the drop in libido, you'll fail comfort tests often because without the drive of wanting to fuck this woman, you DNGAF how she feels. She will withdrawal emotionally, you will withdrawal physically - and a stale mate will set in until you are willing to act on that desire. But you'll occasionally slip into old behaviors and try to reconnect with her by fucking for validation as a litmus test of the relationship. Sometimes those validation seeking initiations are successful because she is grabbing anything to generate feelz in the emotional stalemate. *\*Edit\* note*: If you slip into old validation seeking behaviors with this litmus test you automatically regress back to the beginning of stage 2 and start all over. It is common for men to be trapped in this cycle for months... if not years. &#x200B; **Stage 3 - The Progress: You start to discover your own genuine desire** Genuine desire to fuck a woman for the right reasons begins to grow within you. It begins in small ways - sometimes by staring a little longer at your woman's breasts and purposefully getting caught, or catching the eye of a woman at a store and winking back. **Your imagination begins to wander for the first time in a very long time.** You fantasize about walking up to your wife, whipping your dick out and telling her to suck your cock while she is on the floor on her knees cleaning up coffee grinds (specific, I know, but true). You start to recognize those weird thoughts as *genuine* because that is your masculine imagination at work. It is no longer snubbed with fantasies while watching porn, or trying to recreate things not born of your own sexual masculine imagination. This imagination that has been awoken is a gift. A gift for you to give freely to your woman in the form of a hard cock, pulling her into your world you've created with that imagination, however small or large, nice or slutty, or wet it will be. Your gift to her is the invitation on a trip into the imagination of a strong, masculine man's sexual desires. Relating to the sidebar: The sexual concept of DEVI as written about in Sex God Method - these lingering thoughts inspire genuine *variety.* And *dominance* is usually a natural masculine sexual way of acting on them. If you begin to take action on these desires by inviting her into your sexual frame, you create *immersion* that originates with your *emotions* of genuinely desiring this woman. You just can't help yourself. Think about the feelz that generates. It is the a rollercoaster of emotions where you are in control of creating the track. And when you are boiling over with desire to fuck, horny as you've ever been just BURNING inside with a desire to FUCK... Your woman will test this with sexual denials to see if it is real. &#x200B; **Final Stage - The Resolution: You are a man who fucks** If it is real desire, you two will fuck. If it is validation or you initiate like a pussy? No sex. This will be a worthwhile test from her. It is a gift. And when I say ""fucks"" I mean - you're a man who fucks holes, not his hands while *pretending* he is fucking holes. You may not be physically fucking at this point - but you **are** a man who fucks. But what I've observed here at MRP and in my own journey is that when I discovered my genuine desire the likelihood that I would be rejected while leaning into this uncomfortable desire (at first) was extremely low. **And when I was rejected I had zero butthurt...** because I am a man who fucks and she gets the *first* shot. \------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- &#x200B; # Anecdote - Beating your meat to porn: Look, I'm not here to tell you how to live your life dude. You make those choices, but can I ask you a question? What kind of fucking man are you? * A sad pussy of a man that fucks his hand (himself) and pretends he's fucking a pussy that's being fucked by another man (on a screen)... and gets off being a cuckold to those men fucking women you'd like to be fucking? * Or are you a man who fucks? Most all men arrive here at MRP with some porn usage. It's either a problem or not. You decide. I'm tired of repeating myself. [Like here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/iopqsq/own_your_shit_weekly_september_08_2020/g4g5108/) [And here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/it4kfb/own_your_shit_weekly_september_15_2020/g5cu6bi/) [And here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/ki160j/own_your_shit_weekly_december_22_2020/ggrgprk/) So you can be a cuckold yourself if you want, but this is what I wrote that explains why your woman will always fuck you less if you jackoff for sexual release. >You're no longer a man that fucks his hand. You're a man that fucks holes. You'll find you boil over with raw energy wanting to fuck (if you haven't already). THAT is what women want to feelz. That's great masculine energy. Initiate hard. If denied hit the iron temple. Sweat cum out of your eyeballs. Take that denial and frustration straight to gym and convert it right into muscle instead of **fucking your hand which gains you nothing**. I promise you this because I've lived it: your woman can smell when you fuck your hand instead of her and it just reaffirms you're a beta male that can't get laid and refuses to power through that masculine energy and drive. It literally signals to her and her feelz that you aren't a valuable mate. Why would she fuck a man that can't get laid elsewhere? You're an interesting and attractive man that has options, aren't you? I don't know how they do it, but they do. Hypergamy can play into your favor here. >Stop porn usage and see how it affects the connections in my mind between orgasm and validation-seeking. So, you've decided to stop using porn and jacking off. *What's going to happen?* Usually when guys here stop (myself included at one point), it takes roughly the timeline above before they start to recognize their genuine desire for a woman which they haven't felt before. But it all begins with you not knowing how to fuck her because your entire sex life is wrapped up in validation, because it's always easier to get that sexual release exactly when you want it. Likely watching porn. That's easy. That's what dudes who can't get laid have to do. But if you can recognize that all this porn usage helps fuel sex for validation - It's probably only 2-3 months to change your life forever and become a man who fucks holes. I laid it all out for you so you know what to expect. Having this knowledge may even help you accelerate the mental models required to get here. Strength, motherfuckers.",,231,HornsOfApathy,2021-01-21 17:52:43 marriedredpill,l0fpkl,"Own Your Shit Weekly - January 19, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit. \--- MRP Mods host a regularly weekly review on [/u/weakandsensitive](https://www.reddit.com/u/weakandsensitive/)'s [youtube channel](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeD5oABWUTB9vp_egrWNJbg/featured) on Sunday at 8PM CST. Think someone has made an OYS worth focusing on? Do you want your own OYS post discussed? Sign up [using this link](https://www.signupgenius.com/go/10c0d49acaa2faaf8ce9-oysweekly1). Make sure you're signing up on the right date. Use a fake name and email.",,27,AutoModerator,2021-01-19 08:30:10 marriedredpill,kxxe5j,Initiations: You're not that funny,"In my years here, I keep seeing dudes in the intermediate grinding stage screw up initiations over and over by stepping on their own dick in the final stages of initiation. They do not set themselves up to succeed with an initiation in the first place by using humor as an ego shield that allows them not to hurt their fee-fees. They are afraid of failure because that would hurt. It's not funny. Here's the gist of WHY you do it, up to you if you want to change. I want to use a simple example that you can understand. \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ *It's summer, and you just finished doing some yard work and you're covered in sweat. You come inside for a glass of water and your wife is standing there - and you catch her eyes staring at you for a moment. She sheepishly looks away, and you laugh to yourself. Suddenly, your dick starts to get hard and you think about fucking her right there in the kitchen, bending her over the table, covering her in your sweat as you fuck her from behind.* The option you **always** choose is this: You laugh at her from across the room and yell, ""Oh yeah babe, checking me out? Why don't you come on over here and let me rub this hot nasty grass covered sweaty body all over you!"" She laughs, you laugh. Day goes on. The option you **never** choose is this: You walk across the room and grab her by both arms near her shoulders, spin her around facing away from you - your grip firm as you pull her ear to your mouth: ""Bend over. I'm going to rub my fucking sweat all over you."" \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ The reason that you always choose the first option is because you give yourself the covert option of non-failure. If she fucks you? *You win (validation)*. If she doesn't? Well it was a JOKE! lolz, haha, *I was just kidding babe!* But deep down? You're hoping, praying, but never really expecting that she will dart across that room to fuck you and satisfy your validation. If she does? Well that means she wants you. Right? And did you really risk anything at all except her not laughing at your joke? No. The reason you never choose the second option is because it forces you into a binary set of results. Your initiation will be successful, or it won't. Sure - you've probably done this before... but I guarantee that you've never truly been vulnerable in that moment. You don't want to fail because that hurts your little ego and allows you to hide behind that shield instead of feeling the full brunt of rejection and failure. Instead you use humor to shield against that paper-thin frame of yours. Full of ego and scared like a little pussy of being hurt. Want to know what's even more retarded? The woman you're trying to fuck is probably not attracted to you - so all your humorous attempts or joking about sex just turns her off and makes her cringe when she once again realizes you're a thirsty beta fuck who doesn't know how to initiate like a man. It's unattractive. Only Chad gets to be sexually crass, because he's a guy who fucks. She knows it, he knows it. In fact, his little jokes about her being a slut who's going to lick the sweat out of his asshole later makes her pussy wet. Why? Because they both know it's actually going to happen. He is attractive. Men who want things take risks. They push boundaries and are unwilling to let their fear drive their decisions. If you want to fuck your wife, you have to initiate like a MAN would. **A man who wants and desires to stick his dick in a woman, right then, isn't joking around.** If you want something, don't go after it like a boy who half-heartedly went out for the football team. If you want it, half-reps don't count. If you want to fuck, you must be a man who strongly desires to fuck in all parts of him - and DNGAF of the outcome. Pussy is plentiful. Jokes are too. But until you're taking that pussy on the regular and it's yours, it's not funny. Each time you take this non-committal action of initiation and it fails, the more and more unattractive you become to your woman. She sees a little boy, afraid of going for what he wants with both woman and the world, and it absolutely fucking disgusts her. The *sexual* attraction, if there ever was any, dies each time your humorous initiations fail - which they always do in this stage of unfucking yourself with MRP. You're acting like a little pussy and it's not sexy. Take a look at the actions of the same guys outside of initiations, and you'll see this same mask used in many parts of their lives. Shielding yourself from failure rarely results in success. Put your fucking gusto into it. All of you. At least you know where you stand. In the spirit of trading notes, [women also fuck up with humor](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/jdqb8u/how_to_be_sexier/g9aeyl2/) (note: no surprise she is short and fat). But sometimes [words aren't required](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/hmgdcg/how_i_communicate_now_without_words/) at all. So a note for you, bro: Next time just stare at her tits, her pussy, or her ass. Think of it as the 10 second kiss with your eyes. Whatever your favorite part of that woman's body is that makes your dick hard. Her collarbone and neck? That shit makes me hard. Stare. Take it all in and don't look away like a beta fuck. At that very moment, there is no other person on this planet that wants to ravish her body like you. Can you communicate that with your eyes? You want her? Do you want to fuck her? She's going to say something to you when she notices your stare and when she does, don't be ashamed. You want it. STFU. Then walk up to her. Smile, slapass, walkaway. Now that's fun. And funny. Who's the prize?",,155,HornsOfApathy,2021-01-15 16:00:44 marriedredpill,kvnrff,"Own Your Shit Weekly - January 12, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit. \--- MRP Mods host a regularly weekly review on [/u/weakandsensitive](https://www.reddit.com/u/weakandsensitive/)'s [youtube channel](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeD5oABWUTB9vp_egrWNJbg/featured) on Sunday at 8PM CST. Think someone has made an OYS worth focusing on? Do you want your own OYS post discussed? Sign up [using this link](https://www.signupgenius.com/go/10c0d49acaa2faaf8ce9-oysweekly1). Make sure you're signing up on the right date. Use a fake name and email.",,19,AutoModerator,2021-01-12 08:30:22 marriedredpill,kqu54b,"Own Your Shit Weekly - January 05, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit. \--- MRP Mods host a regularly weekly review on [/u/weakandsensitive](https://www.reddit.com/u/weakandsensitive/)'s [youtube channel](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeD5oABWUTB9vp_egrWNJbg/featured) on Sunday at 8PM CST. Think someone has made an OYS worth focusing on? Do you want your own OYS post discussed? Sign up [using this link](https://www.signupgenius.com/go/10c0d49acaa2faaf8ce9-oysweekly1). Make sure you're signing up on the right date. Use a fake name and email.",,25,AutoModerator,2021-01-05 08:30:22 marriedredpill,kmnrn6,Making a Change,"None of this is new. Its all here in the sub, sidebar, and books and in better words than I have if you dig a bit and know how to use Google. Some random asked me >When do you feel it's time to make a mental model shift? >Can you give an example of your process for effecting this shift? Per my usual posting theme, this is aimed at the newcomers to MRP and the autistic fucks who lurk for years without making any real progress or taking any meaningful action in their lives... Its gonna be Basic As Fuck. My Number One Message as always is get into the OYS thread *every week, consistently, like your life depends on it* - thats the biggest bang for your buck. By far. Take your licks with a fully open mind and get to work on your bullshit. Its the only way forward. If you can't even manage 200-500 new and meaningful words about you and your life once a week for at least a few months straight, you aren't worth our time. Fuck off until you have that minimum level of commitment to unfucking yourself. When we first came here, none of us made these shifts on our own. Not me. Not HOA. Not Rian. None of us did it without swapping notes. The OYS thread is where you get help drafting your notes when you don't have any to swap yet. *** Its time to make a mental model shift when the way I'm feeling, acting, or being isn't congruent with the Man I Aspire to Be, the Man I Am In My Core, when living just past my edge and being true to myself. I dig into myself to figure out where the root of the incongruence comes from, and then I can focus my efforts on the changes I need to make. *** #How To Change Your Mind, For Dummies Autists n F&ggots ###- Decide on the desired End State ###- Steel your Resolve ###- Backwards Plan ###- Implement the Plan ###- Hold yourself Accountable ###- Celebrate your Victories ###- Find the next Change *** *** ##Decide on the desired End State *What do I want in the end?* Over a year ago I confronted my wife explosively about the inappropriate nature of her budding relationship with a guy at work. She reassured and then ignored me, why would she listen to a low value POS like the old F&ggot Me? Shortly after that I discovered MRP and got to work, and shortly after that, I got evidence. One of the first End States I decided on was that *I would be the type of man who could handle and regulate his emotions in order to achieve long term goals.* I didn't consciously realize that I Decided on this mental shift at the time, but it is what was required to do what I ultimately did and get the results I had in my divorce. I had evidence that my wife was having an emotional affair with a coworker, making out in her car with him after work, and going to house parties with girlfriends that he happened to be at. (AWALT, I was a LVM BetaBux for years and earned everything I got for being a boring lazy fuck - see u/HornsOfApathy 's post series about how its all your fault if you don't understand) I didn't want to be a knowing Cuck, I wanted a divorce, and I wanted it to impact the children as little as possible while I retained 50/50 custody. So I Decided on my desired End State: an amicable divorce with her successfully swinging her branch to her new guy, and me getting 50/50 custody without loss of more than 50% of my assets. In the end I lost less than 25% of my net worth, and did the entire divorce without paying a Lawyer for more than a consult or stepping foot in a courtroom. Your results may vary - always *at the very least* consult at least one attorney regarding your specific situation and divorce, I'm not a lawyer and am not giving legal advice. ##Steel your Resolve *What am I willing to do and give up to get there?* *Get Your Priorities Straight and Stick To Them* After Deciding on my desired End State, I had to firm up my commitment to achieving that End State. If you aren't truly committed to getting to that desired End State deep inside, you may as well stop here. You have to commit. You have to be willing to do what it takes. Otherwise you're just wasting your time at best, and potentially making things much worse by half assing it. In my example, I knew my ex well enough to know that achieving my desired End State meant that I had to thread the needle - she had a branch to swing to and would be happy to do so quietly, but if I wanted to start a war she would be just as happy to unload her ammo too in the process of swinging to it or having it break. So to get what I really wanted most, I had to accept and let go of, or at the very least bury, all the very strong emotions I was experiencing surrounding her infidelity. I did this by realizing and accepting that my desired End State was far more important to me than my feelings about her actions or my need for retribution and validation. You can't achieve specific results in an amicable divorce via covert manipulation while also nuking shit from orbit and airing dirty laundry for revenge. I couldn't have my cake and eat it too - at least not right away, and not directly. ##Backwards Plan *Figure it out: What The Fuck am I gonna do to get there?!?* (This step is only applicable if your Change is big, takes a long time, or involves actions you need to take to achieve your desired End State. Some minor mental model shifts are done internally in your mind over a matter of hours of introspection with consistent follow up later, and don't need a full plan to make happen.) Figure out the milestones on the path to your End State from where you are now, starting from the End State and working your way backwards to where you are now. For this example it involved researching divorce in my state, and how to file ""Pro Se"" (without an attorney). Finding out exactly how the process works. What needs to be done, when, how, who needs to sign on which dotted line. What happens if she won't cooperate at any given step in the process. All the nitty gritty. This is not the time to gloss over details. Game out as many possibilities as you can and plan contingencies for all of them. ##Implement the Plan *Now Go Do It* Without saying or revealing a single thing to *anyone* in my life, I got all of my personal and our joint financials and all pertinent documents current and in order, and set up to paint the best picture possible to the judge in support of my desired End State. Only after all of that was ready, did I finally tell my wife I wanted a divorce and would be filing. She could sign, or not. Lawyer up, or not. Didn't matter. I knew what I would do in all cases. Take the Plan you just made, and execute. When variables occur, adjust to the new situation and adapt your Plan to continue to achieve what you want. ##Hold Yourself Accountable *You have the right to Judge your own behavior, thoughts, and emotions, and to take responsibility for their initiation and consequences upon yourself* There were many times when I was so very, very tempted to blow shit up and reveal everything I knew about her indiscretions. So many times when I was Angry. Depressed. Apathetic. Suicidal. Guilty. Lonely. Had a false sense of hope to fix it somehow. Take your pick I felt every which way at some point during the process. The only thing that held me steady was my total commitment to achieving my desired End State, no matter what it cost me. When delays due to COVID happened, (like courts shut down for months, or not having document X turned in at the same time as document Y, or wife being a bitch about me taking time out of the house for myself, etc etc etc) I kept my mouth shut and kept up appearances. I didn't cave just because I had to hold it in for a while longer. My End State was worth what I endured. I believed and still believe that. Only you can hold yourself accountable. You have to want the change. Again, like I said in the Resolve section - if you aren't committed, you're wasting your time. ##Celebrate Your Victories When you reach a milestone, give yourself some kind of reward that only you know about. Reinforce your positive behavior and the delayed gratification it took to get there. Rewire your brain a little at a time. ##Find The Next Change There will always be a new mountain to summit, a new dragon to slay, a new skill to learn... *Always* stay focused on your personal growth, and frequently reevaluate what kind of End State you want to achieve next. *** #WTF does this shit have to do with Mental Models? Some of you may be thinking at this point, how does any of this apply to a Mental Model Shift? How will this help me stop simping for my wife? How will this help me enforce my boundaries? How will this help me stop having a Nice Guy mentality? *Decide* on the change(s) you want to see in yourself. Be SMART with how you phrase it - Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound (Google it) *Resolve* that no matter the cost, you're going to follow through and keep following through even when you fuck up, fail, want to quit, COMMIT. *Backwards Plan* your schedule so that you can take time each week alone in a way that is appropriate to helping make the shift *Implement the Plan* Do What You Set Out To Do, F&ggot *Hold yourself Accountable* by posting in OYS weekly and by Owning Your Goddamn Shit, F&ggot *Celebrate your Victories* because you're worth it. *Find the next Change* once you're ready for your next adventure Somewhere along the way, you'll figure out that your Mental Model has shifted. That's how it works for me. *You change your Mental Models with consistent effort and #ACTIONS# that support the new Mental Model you're striving to internalize* Let's have an amazing New Year with progress you'd never have believed possible. Only you can make it possible. Let's get to work.",,79,AlohaMaui808,2020-12-29 21:46:53 marriedredpill,km5m65,"Found MRP? You do you - or why you don't have ""frame"".","All this shit that you're trying to do - sidebar, pass shit tests, learn about how you're one day going to be a former nice guy, or the fact that the babysitter is pregnant.... none of this shit matters. Unless you do you. Running some day game and getting a number. Or, if you're at the gym, just learning how to squat and wondering why a plate seems like it's far off in the distance... none of that shit matters. Unless you do you. And one day when you've got your shit mostly figured out, can regularly lift what it is you want to lift, and that sends shockwaves of good feelz in your life about how you feel about yourself.... none of that shit matters. Unless you do you. \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ Unless you work - not meaning the machine actually *doing work* \- but the sum of all it's parts, firing in order, to a wonderful cadence conducted by YOU... can you rationally make decisions about all that other shit going on in your life. None of that shit matters except you right now. **Because you're not you. You are not the man you want or will be.** You're some shell of a man masquerading like a retard on the outside pretending to be a man. You don't even know who you are beyond that layer of bullshit. And you certainly don't know what you fucking like or dislike beyond it. You do not work *towards* being you. This is what we call ""frame"". You either have it (you), or you don't. You must do you. **You don't know who you are, dude, and that means you have NO frame.** How the FUCK do you care about anything else but that? You, in fact, have no idea how to fuck a woman. But you come here to find out how to turn her into a submissive sex-machine who will suck your cock three times a day and beg for you to cum in her pussy at night. That's what you wanted - for your wife to fuck you, and like it. Every single man that came through MRP and figured it out learned that none of that shit mattered. He knew that eventually becoming the man internally that he knew himself capable of being - and working always towards it celebrating the wins along the way - that was a man that would be fucked by a woman like that. Because if he was internally capable, he was externally capable. This is what the pickup world called ""Inner Game"". You have zero. But that's ok. That's what us guys at MRP like to trade notes about here a lot. Or at the very least make fun of other retards. So stop worrying about how you're fucking her, when you're going to fuck her, or if you will ever fuck her again. It doesn't fucking matter. Not anymore. None of it matters. Unless you do you.",,87,HornsOfApathy,2020-12-29 03:02:54 marriedredpill,kmagr2,"Own Your Shit Weekly - December 29, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit. \--- MRP Mods host a regularly weekly review on [/u/weakandsensitive](https://www.reddit.com/u/weakandsensitive/)'s [youtube channel](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeD5oABWUTB9vp_egrWNJbg/featured) on Sunday at 8PM CST. Think someone has made an OYS worth focusing on? Do you want your own OYS post discussed? Sign up [using this link](https://www.signupgenius.com/go/10c0d49acaa2faaf8ce9-oysweekly1). Make sure you're signing up on the right date. Use a fake name and email.",,20,AutoModerator,2020-12-29 08:30:10 marriedredpill,kjuyzv,"Merry Christmas - I've put together my ""Tricks of the Trade for a Fun Frame"" list as your present - good ideas for fun during the holidays","**PREFACE** First off: This isn't a playbook I draw from. It's a slideshow of organic occurrences. These are mostly things I just naturally do that bring some fun and life into our relationship - ESPECIALLY in moments when she's acting sad, bored, depressed, furious, etc. That is, I created this list by reminiscing on times when she was caught in her own head, but I managed to pull her into my mood/frame/way of thinking in the moment - and what I remember doing that triggered it. That is, they are expressions of my frame. Some are heartfelt moments (which are often repeated more often than others, thus may look like they're not a significant part of my frame - don't be fooled). Others are cheap gags to introduce fun at random times (which, while high in quantity on the list, are used with far less frequency). Still others are just random things that generate feels. Play around to figure out what works for you and not. I don't encourage you to copy my examples exactly or even try to write your own playbook. Rather, this is more to give you inspiration as you learn to develop a fun, safe, comfortable, and enjoyable frame for her to live in. Try a few things. Use what works, leave the rest. Tweak them. But if your frame sucks, by all means DO SOMETHING to build it. Second, with the above in mind: this is meant for men who already have the foundation necessary before developing a good frame. You can't be a fat blob who gets butthurt all the time and expect these things to BE your frame. They are things occurring from my ALREADY EXISTING frame that have the effect of pulling her in when she's otherwise letting her own feels outside my frame be a bother to her. Third: Don't be an idiot. Exercise discernment if you try these at home. For example, when she's sad, there's a difference between how I'd respond to ""I'm sad just because I am"" and ""I'm sad because my mother just died."" Don't be an idiot. Thad said, toy around with these, even if the context doesn't feel right. You may be surprised what works when you don't expect it. Fourth: Also note that these are either supplements to existing strategies (AA, AM, etc.) or even, at times, expressions of them. Don't ignore everything you've learned and assume that you can skip the actual advice to try a few things that consistently work for me. _____ **THE SLIDESHOW** Without further ado, in no particular order ... things I've done to pull my wife out of her own head and into my frame in the moment: - **The Elevated Hug**: Hug her nice and sweet. Gradually tighten and lean back so her feet come off the ground, then bounce her a bit. She always complains: ""Ouch, don't hurt me!"" but it never fails to make her laugh and smile. - **The Height Shift**: My wife is pseudo-tall (5'10"") and self-conscious about it. I'm 6'0"", but sometimes it's fun to hug when I'm on a step and she can feel petite, resting her head in my pecs instead of my shoulder. One time recently I did it in the reverse and dug my head into her breasts. That was fun(ny). For some reason, this one makes a difference to her when she's in need of a mood-booster. - **The Frown Upside-down**: I have a few times picked her up and turned her upside-down and said, ""See? That frown is now a smile. Mission accomplished."" Extremely powerful - always gets the job done, especially when kids are around and say, ""Do it to me too, Daddy!"" - **The Feels**: Hand on cheek, foreheads touching. ""That sucks."" - **The Tickler**: Actually tickle your wife. I can't believe I went several years forgetting that this has magical smile-giving powers. - **The Tickle Transfer**: Tease the kids about mommy being a grouch. ""But Mommy doesn't like getting tickled too much because Daddy's tickles are too strong. So I'll tickle you and you can give her my tickles for me."" - **The Confession**: Hand on shoulder, ""Can we just say it like it is?"" with a laugh. She looks back confused. ""Life sucks right now! Repeat after me (if you want extra emphasis, one hand on each cheek): Life. Sucks. Right. Now."" - **The Sinatra**: Start singing a song. Bonus points if you serenade her in front of someone (kids count, but not as many points as strangers/in public). Even more bonus points if you're embarrassingly bad at it. Brownie points if it's a song she knows and you invite her to sing the chorus with you. - **The Ballerina**: At random times throughout the day/week, grab her hand and give her a twirl like you're on the dance floor. Dip her afterward. - **The Punching Bag**: When she's frustrated, suggest that she needs to let it out and exaggerate telling her that ""violence is the best answer for relieving frustration."" Flex and let her punch you in the abs or tricep as hard as she can. The first few times she'll be sheepish, but egg her on to do it harder and harder. This one always works well for brightening her mood ... need to remember to bring it back. Been too long, old friend. - **The Imitation Game**: Play the imitation game with her mannerisms, but grossly exaggerated (a form of agree and amplify, charades-style). - **The Impressionist**: Pick a character to impersonate who you know she's familiar with. Randomly start impersonating that person during conversations when she's not expecting it. Bonus points if you're really bad at it. - **The Foreigner**: Randomly start talking in other accents and see how she responds. - **The Nuisance**: While she's working on something - typing on the laptop, cooking, vacuuming, reading the kids a story - keep ""accidentally"" bumping into her or interrupting her while she's talking or tapping her on the shoulder to get her attention, then saying, ""Nevermind, I figured it out."" Not enough to be actually annoying, but enough that she can tell you're toying with her. This is my natural twist on Athol Kay's ""shower move"" from MMSLP ... just doesn't require the shower, but same idea. - **The Fakeout**: Make up some story that's believable, but also just barely pushes the boundaries of reality. Ex. We're watching a movie and she asks who an actor is. ""Oh, that's the girl from <random movie she's not actually in>. Did you know she went to high school with my brother's ex girlfriend?"" Every time: ""Really? That's crazy."" ""No, not really, babe. You're so gullible."" - **The Back Hug**: Walk up behind her while she's doing something and wrap your arms around her. Lean your head into her neck and sway. - **The Sniffer**: Start with the back hug, but sometimes start making sniffing sounds (noticeable, but not exaggerated). Pull away from her quickly. She gets awkward and asks, ""What?!?"" STFU and don't answer. ""Do I smell?"" If you feel like it, start laughing to confirm her suspicion that it's a joke. - **The Jalepeno**: I've done this one several times - when you order a sub (or cook a meal where it's feasible), ask to have a single jalepeno hidden inside. Sadly, she only notices about 1/4 the time I do this one. Maybe you'll have better luck, or use a hotter pepper (not too hot though). - **The Pillow Thief**: My wife knows I love sleeping with lots of pillows. It's been a long while since I've done this one, but when you make the bed, put every pillow on your own side - none on hers. Haven't tried it yet, but might be funny even to bring up random pillows from the couch to exaggerate how many end up on my side of the bed. - **The Dreamer**: If you wake up in the middle of the night and she's also up, but doesn't know you're awake, start moaning like you're having a wet dream. Whisper some other girl's name. Have fun with the story (short mumbles). ""I'm married"" then 10-15 seconds later, ""Okay, fast"" then take a deep breath. - **The Provoker**: Storm into a room she's in with an elevated voice and start accusing her without being exactly clear of what you're accusing her of (or be clear, but something that's not a legit issue). She gets worked up and defensive, you bust out laughing, ""Just teasing you babe. Want to do X with me?"" - **The Hunk**: She's upset. ""Babe, I know life sucks sometimes, but no matter how bad things get know that you always have one thing in your life that will never change that will always cheer you up."" Stop there. She eventually asks, ""What?"" STFU. ""God?"" *Well, sure. But that's not what I had in mind.* ""You?"" *Kind of.* ""Then what?"" *These!* Grab her hand and put it on your bicep as you flex. *Any time you're upset, just grab these and squeeze and I'm confident it will make you feel all better again.* - **The Mad Hatter**: Put random things on her head and say, ""Hey, I found your hat. Stop losing it."" - **The Comb**: Rub her head. ""I love rubbing my hands through your soft, smooth hair,"" then rub fast enough that your hands inevitably get caught in knots (but not so fast it hurts). ""So silky smooth."" - **The Empath**: She's upset. You just hold her (standing or laying) and rub her back occasionally. Don't stay too stiff - motion = being present in the moment; stiff = awkward. - **The Protector**: Someone upset her that day. Go to the door and start putting on your shoes. She asks what you're doing. ""I'm going to kill him/her for you."" - **The Listener**: Actually listen to her. <I know, right?> - **The Nazi**: Find a random framed picture in your house - particularly one she's not likely to pay much attention to. Open the frame. Slide the picture out. Replace it with a picture you printed of Hitler (or whatever else you think would be apt). Put it back on the shelf. STFU and wait for the fun to happen - preferably days or even weeks later. - **The Wrong Turn**: You're driving and pretend you don't know where to go. Panic and ask her for directions because you can't remember. Whether she tells you a way in time or not you say, ""Okay, I'm going left/right <pick the wrong one>"" while you are simultaneously turning the right way. In the moment, she's paying more attention to what you're saying than what you're doing and doesn't pick up on the fact that you actually went the right way. ""Too late, babe. I already turned. Can I make a U turn here?"" She looks out the window and gets her bearings and punches you in the shoulder. - **The Story Teller**: She asks you a question about something she's struggling with, wanting to know how to cope. Instead of telling her the answer or giving her advice, you tell her a story from your own life about a time you experienced something similar and came out with the result that she's looking for. Let her connect the dots for herself. **DURING SEX** (leaving off most things that I assume you've already picked up from books like MMSLP, SGM, etc.) - **The Talker**: Make her say what you tell her to say: ""Say please"" ""If you want more, ask for it"" ""Beg"" ""Announce when you're cumming."" Then add a phrase that's totally unexpected: ""Tell me you like to do puzzles. Say it! Say it now! I like to do puzzles."" When she says it, act like that's the thing about to push you over the edge. Yes, this breaks immersion, therefore defying SGM. But I've found that sometimes a sudden jarring out of immersion creates a jolt as a physical reaction and if it doesn't prompt an immediate orgasm (usually/I assume by breaking the concentration that was holding back), it's a nice transition point to shift to a new position. It can also be effective if she's just not immersed at all or her head seems to be somewhere else, pulling her back into the moment. - **The Disappointment**: Edge her just before climax, then pretend you thought she already finished and lay down next to her like you're done. - **The Pretzel**: Start moving her around like you're trying to change positions, but keep shifting things around in ways it that it would be ridiculously impractical to actually have sex like that. - **The Favorite**: Give 98% of your attention to one part of her body - enough to others that you acknowledge that it's there, but voraciously go after that one part. For example: do everything and the book to the left boob for a while, then shift to the right boob and kiss it twice, then hammer right back into that left boob. So confusing to her, but seems to get a positive reaction the few times I've done it. Okay ... I'm out of time, so I'm going to cut myself off there. I really wish I could keep going, though. This was fun to write! No, I don't actually have names for these things in my head - I just put them there while writing this for the fun of it. That said, while writing this list, it's interesting to me that while she denies ""physical touch"" as one of her ""love languages"" (if you buy into that stuff), many of these involve physical touch and only work *because* of it. The ones that don't are often (but not always) less effective. Kino matters. Learn to take these starting points and build from them. _____ **WHY I WROTE THIS POST** Because I love to have fun with my wife - and I'm sure you all have even better stories of things you've done that work and not. I'd love to hear those stories and be inspired by them. Maybe I'll add them to the list with credits.",,131,Red-Curious,2020-12-25 07:08:41 marriedredpill,ki160j,"Own Your Shit Weekly - December 22, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit. --- MRP Mods host a regularly weekly review on /u/weakandsensitive's [youtube channel](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeD5oABWUTB9vp_egrWNJbg/featured) on Sunday at 8PM CST. Think someone has made an OYS worth focusing on? Do you want your own OYS post discussed? Sign up [using this link](https://www.signupgenius.com/go/10c0d49acaa2faaf8ce9-oysweekly1). Make sure you're signing up on the right date. Use a fake name and email.",,17,AutoModerator,2020-12-22 08:10:00 marriedredpill,kfa1r2,What is Dominance?,"I've had way too many people ask this week what dominance is. Not just what it is, but what it feels like when you are exerting it, rather than LARPing it. &nbsp; And for that I would have to ask a question: What's going through your mind when you get under the bar in order to attempt your new 1rm bench press? I bet you're thinking something like ""I got this. I WANT this. I can feel the power I have. I can imagine each muscle engaging when I call for it. I got this. I know it. Unrack. Steady. Control. Explode. Let's do it."" And it's not your literally thinking all this, but rather envisioning it rapid fire in succession in order to manifest in real life what you want to happen by bringing this all together. You're bringing a reality to fruition. &nbsp; Now...and I actually encourage everyone who wants to feel LARPed dominance to do this exercise next time you bench a 1 max rep if you have a home gym: Ask your wife to give you a spot. And I want to you pay close attention to the thoughts that INFECT your mind when you walk to the bench with her, lay down, and get ready to unrack that bar. Because I guarantee they are NOT going to be the same as what I just wrote above. Even though im warning you that they wont. You cant help it.They are going to be filled with thoughts like: ""Does she think this is heavy?"" ""What does she think about spotting me?"" ""What if I fail in front of her?"" ""Does she know that I'm thinking about her?"" And you will fail at that attempt. I guarantee it. Pay attention to those thoughts. And realize how they are EXACTLY how you feel in the bedroom: ""Does she like being thrown around?"" ""Is she responding to me pulling her hair?"" ""What if she says stop?"" ""Does she know I'm thinking about her?"" &nbsp; And this is why the ACT of physical dominance in the bedroom, while it LOOKS like throwing your wife around, and pulling her hair, and having her suck your dick on her knees, is not the mark to strive for. It's simply what it looks like from an outside observer. Just like you harnessing dominance is doing what you want to do with that bar, dominance in the bedroom is doing what you want to do with her. **But more importantly, dominance is an attitude, not an action.** The action is just the manifestation of it. &nbsp; When you get to a point where you can get your wife to spot your 1rm and have 0 thoughts in your head about her...when you get to a point where you can smack your wife's ass and put a hand on her neck and have 0 thoughts in your head about her...thats dominance. &nbsp; > When we got back to the apartment is was so horny **I couldn't control myself**. I kissed her roughly and threw her down on the bed. To my surprise she didn't protest...Even though that night I provided horrible physical stimulation to the point it should have been painful, the psychological stimulation I provided was so good that it overrode the physical aspects. -SGM, Dominance",,66,[deleted],2020-12-18 00:27:01 marriedredpill,kdhq2j,"Own Your Shit Weekly - December 15, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit. --- MRP Mods host a regularly weekly review on /u/weakandsensitive's [youtube channel](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeD5oABWUTB9vp_egrWNJbg/featured) on Sunday at 8PM CST. Think someone has made an OYS worth focusing on? Do you want your own OYS post discussed? Sign up [using this link](https://www.signupgenius.com/go/10c0d49acaa2faaf8ce9-oysweekly1). Make sure you're signing up on the right date. Use a fake name and email.",,17,AutoModerator,2020-12-15 08:10:09 marriedredpill,kasnpy,OYS Weekly Livestream 12/15/2020,"This week's OYS livestream is accessible from /u/weakandsensitive youtube [page](https://www.youtube.com/c/WhineMorePlease/videos). Sign-ups are available [here](https://www.signupgenius.com/go/10c0d49acaa2faaf8ce9-oysweekly1). Last week there were no sign ups. That doesn't bother us, as it means we go through a bunch of random OYS posts that we find interesting. However, I would encourage people to either volunteer someone's OYS or to volunteer your own. I can only assume that people are afraid to volunteer their OYS posts. The big mean internet people might make you feel bad. The direct feedback on your OYS posts can be humbling. It may hurt your ego. But it may help orient you in the right direction. If you're stuck and can't understand why you're not making progress, this is a good opportunity to understand why that may be the case. Don't just take my word for it. Here's what people have said about the stream: * Threekindsoflucky has a really sexy voice and I would probably turn gay for him - /u/johneyapocalypse The stream will go on with or without volunteers. But you'd be silly not to take advantage of it.",,12,threekindsoflucky,2020-12-11 01:30:52 marriedredpill,k90ew3,"Own Your Shit Weekly - December 08, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit. --- MRP Mods host a regularly weekly review on /u/weakandsensitive's [youtube channel](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeD5oABWUTB9vp_egrWNJbg/featured) on Sunday at 8PM CST. Think someone has made an OYS worth focusing on? Do you want your own OYS post discussed? Sign up [using this link](https://www.signupgenius.com/go/10c0d49acaa2faaf8ce9-oysweekly1). Make sure you're signing up on the right date. Use a fake name and email.",,12,AutoModerator,2020-12-08 08:10:39 marriedredpill,k7n9fh,A Start,"I never thought I would end up where I am in my relationship with my wife. Her actions clearly show that she is completely unattracted to me and that I am being used for what I can provide to her and my child - despite her assurances that she values and appreciates me for who I am, what I provide, what I sacrifice, etc. Sex is dwindling, maybe twice a month, and there is rarely an act of passion from her. It is an act she participates in but is not necessarily present in. I understand this is called pity sex or obligation sex, and it is used to keep me strung along so I will continue to provide without complaint. Passion, lust, and sex decrease in marriage. Or so I'm told. Anxiety, stress, and anger control more and more of my mental space nowadays and they are directed at her, but she isn't necessarily to blame. She is doing what women have done since the beginning of time. She is using her sexual strategy to provide for herself and her child. The blame falls squarely on me. I let her push boundaries and didn't hold fast when they were completely crossed. In these instances I actually provided **more** because I thought it would rein her back in and create more attraction. In reality, it incentivized her to push further and further, thereby killing more and more attraction when I refused to stand up and hold my ground. The process was gradual and slow - almost imperceptible - one small, seemingly inconsequential concession at a time. However, over time, it created a landslide. The realization, when it truly hits you, is life shattering. You are not the man you thought you were, your wife is not the woman she says she is, your relationship is on the brink of disaster, and you are the only one to blame.",,93,-Lochlanach-,2020-12-06 04:51:24 marriedredpill,k4gso8,"Own Your Shit Weekly - December 01, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit. --- MRP Mods host a regularly weekly review on /u/weakandsensitive's [youtube channel](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeD5oABWUTB9vp_egrWNJbg/featured) on Sunday at 8PM CST. Think someone has made an OYS worth focusing on? Do you want your own OYS post discussed? Sign up [using this link](https://www.signupgenius.com/go/10c0d49acaa2faaf8ce9-oysweekly1). Make sure you're signing up on the right date. Use a fake name and email.",,21,AutoModerator,2020-12-01 08:11:44 marriedredpill,k0103m,"Own Your Shit Weekly - November 24, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit. --- MRP Mods host a regularly weekly review on /u/weakandsensitive's [youtube channel](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeD5oABWUTB9vp_egrWNJbg/featured) on Sunday at 8PM CST. Think someone has made an OYS worth focusing on? Do you want your own OYS post discussed? Sign up [using this link](https://www.signupgenius.com/go/10c0d49acaa2faaf8ce9-oysweekly1). Make sure you're signing up on the right date. Use a fake name and email.",,30,AutoModerator,2020-11-24 08:10:30 marriedredpill,jw7qxz,How to Own Your Shit :: A Guide for Retards,"**Edit ::** Don't throw money at reddit. Don't throw money at me either. But if you really feel the need to blow money on this, there's literally a way to throw money directly at me on the OYS sign up link. Common guys. (Update: I've been told these awards are commonly free from reddit.) This post was inspired by /u/bogeyd6 who wrote >One thing I can tell you is you are running too many things in parallel instead of taking them serially. Your lifts are weak, You read all them books like they were teen magazines, and sorry to say none of it looks like it was put into practice. There are many of you who are making weekly posts to own your shit. That's all well and good because someone has told you that the weekly OYS threads are the only thing that matter - so like a good little boy, you do what you're told. And it's true. There are many posters who are doing this week in, and week out, and making solid progress. **But that isn't most of you.** Most of you are simply going through the motions. You're not engaging your brain. You've never taken the time to try to understand and appreciate the principles behind the thread. No, you dumb fuckers come in week in, week out and just do as you're told, like the good little boy you are. You don't fucking think. Want to know how I know? Because most of you dumb fuckers have the same stupid ass format. Weight, lift, career, family, relationship, social, etc. You just copied some other idiots and did the exact same thing as that other dumb motherfucker. You come, fill in your form every week, and pat yourself on a job well done. That's great for you. You should feel proud. ""I'm putting in the work!"" you'll tell yourself. And the consequence of your lazy bullshit is that the people who could be helping you, won't bother engaging you because you're too lazy to do any work. So 12 months later, you're in the same shitty position you've always been in, with the same bullshit as before, but hey, at least you can feel better because ""I'm following the MRP model!"". **I hate lazy men.** You already know that you're going to catch hell if you aren't going to the gym. Why is this? Because it's a clear sign you're a lazy motherfucker who isn't worth anyone's time. But it's not just about being physically lazy. So many of you guys are mentally lazy. You fill our your checklist, but your brain is off. You aren't thinking. You aren't understanding. You do it, because you're a good little boy who's been told this is what good little boys do. It's great for me, because if you're just going to do your own little thing off in the corner, no harm, no foul to me. To me, cool, keep doing your thing. Maybe someone'll get some amusement out of you - doesn't make my life any harder. Want an example? I have one from today. [Here's example 1 of a dumb motherfucker that decided he didn't need to engage his brain.](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/jvpb60/own_your_shit_weekly_november_17_2020/gcm01kr/?context=7) > A part of me thinks its weak to just tuck it under and put my head in the sand. I have evidence that a boundary was crossed. For me, I need to give her a clear warning shot on what to expect if she ever decides to cross it again. **8 months** after this supposed boundary was crossed. This motherfucker wouldn't even take a pause to think about what a boundary is. Is it something to bring up 8 months after the fact? Is that what a boundary is? Some post-hoc rationalization? If you feel it is, speak up so you can let me know why I'm wrong. [Here's guy #2 from just today. He either can't or won't engage his brain.](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/jvpb60/own_your_shit_weekly_november_17_2020/gclyxqv/) I wanted to ban him for a long time, but apparently /u/HornsOfApathy is more charitable. > Me: Just to clarify - do you want to fuck your wife or no? I couldn't tell from your mess of a paragraph. > Guy: I do want to fuck her. What I was trying to explain was that I wake up and want to fuck her. But by the end of the day I am so sick of her and disgusted by how she acts and treats me I don't want to fuck her. > Me: Do you? Because you keep writing the same wishy washy crap. > Guy: Can you point out exactly what I said that made me wishy washy about wanting to fuck her? Like this fucking guy can't even read the shit that he's writing. Can you guys tell how there is exactly 0 brain activity going on here? How do you think this guy is going to succeed at all? The point, is these are 2 examples of brain dead dudes who want to be led and have their hands held. They're not unique. I would argue that this is most of you guys posting to OYS. Most of you guys are either lazy or brain dead when you're making your posts. **Here's an example of a guy who isn't brain dead.** Guy is probably senile at this point. We know he's on government aid. And yet, he's firing more neurons than most of you. [Here is his post from this week.](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/jvpb60/own_your_shit_weekly_november_17_2020/gclpmrr/). >Not humblebrag but something I'm using to build my ""new"" self. And it is obviously not a problem but just a challenge. A while ago I began encouraging ""dirty talk"" as part of my polarity push to embrace and extend her sexual behaviors. As intended it reinforced her ""20 year old nymphomaniac"" persona, and that persona has completely overtaken her. Not just at home, but out in public - explicit descriptions at a restaurant using a normal conversational volume regardless of who is nearby, in the car - the other day she wanted to give me road head on a busy street but was only stopped by the fact that my car is too small for her to to get around the manual transmission. I lean into this, respond and encourage. This is the ""me"" of now and I use it to strengthen who I want that ""me"" to be. Another learning and improving opportunity. And that's pretty much it. Do you know what the difference is? It's really simple. The guy isn't just filling out a form for the sake of it. He's taken the time to think about the things that matters to him, and to focus on them. And the result? His post is interesting to read, because his writing is meaningful. He's engaged his brain, taken the time to think, and distilled it down to the things that matter to him. That's your lesson for today. Want to be good at OYS? Stop being mentally lazy. Engage your brain and figure what actually matters to you. Note: This doesn't mean immediately. Starting out, it's good to replicate a formula. But at some point, you have to do the work to tailor the program to your goals when you've gained knowledge about the system. That's why SL5x5 is a beginner program that you graduate from, and not something you do for years or decades at a time.",,93,[deleted],2020-11-18 02:56:04 marriedredpill,jvpyss,Three things I learned,"About a year ago I found this group when I searched the internet for tips to make my wife more submissive. I read the posts, found the sidebar. I read NNMNG, MMSLP and some more online stuff. I don't think I've become a hardcore MRP believer, but I'd like to come back today to thank you for the three things I've learned here. 1 LIFT I was running, I was cycling and doing kung fu. But lifting really changed me - physically and mentally. Without the 'do you even lift, bro'-comments here I might never have found the courage to walk into a gym. It felt ridiculous to start with hardly any weight at the bar and after a year my stats are still not impressive but I love the process. 2 STFU Sometimes it's not easy to keep your mouth shut, but it works great, as do the related suggestions like A&A, AM, etc. (awesome all those acronyms). Arguments (shit tests in the jargon, I guess) are now a source of entertainment and opportunities for me to get better at this. Last year I suffered from back pain (cured thanks to Healing Back Pain by Sarno - also thanks to this sub) and woke up in the middle of the night with wavy pain attacks. I didn't know what to do and woke my wife to seek comfort. For a moment I thought I had married a unicorn and all that advice from you here was misogynistic nonsense. Since doing something with back pain is better than doing nothing, that day I cleaned the whole house, scrubbed the bathroom, washed the windows, etc. My wife asked me if I was okay and was happy with all my cleaning work, but in the evening I got a hard no in bed. She didn't want to have sex with me because she was worried about my back. Fuck, you were right anyway. I should have STFU. 3 GAME This is my main point of improvement for the coming year. Game makes the interaction with my wife (and others) much more fun. I sometimes say and do things I never dared to do for fear of the indignation I expected from her, but as long as you stay playful it only leads to laughter, played anger (ASD, I think you call that) and better sex. So I hope to have even more fun the coming year. It is a wonderful journey. Thanks for everything and maybe see you in a year or so!",,54,Your_Man_In_Black,2020-11-17 09:13:38 marriedredpill,jvpb60,"Own Your Shit Weekly - November 17, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit. --- MRP Mods host a regularly weekly review on /u/weakandsensitive's [youtube channel](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeD5oABWUTB9vp_egrWNJbg/featured) on Sunday at 8PM CST. Think someone has made an OYS worth focusing on? Do you want your own OYS post discussed? Sign up [using this link](https://www.signupgenius.com/go/10c0d49acaa2faaf8ce9-oysweekly1). Make sure you're signing up on the right date. Use a fake name and email.",,8,AutoModerator,2020-11-17 08:10:30 marriedredpill,ju5i4e,FR - Mental Discipline program,"**Summary** I completed the 75 Hard program by Andy Frisella. The program is designed to develop good habits and mental discipline by routinely executing a series of events every day for 75 days straight. If you fail one aspect of one day, you restart the program. &#x200B; **Program Details** The daily tasks are: daily progress pic, two separate 45 minute workouts (one must be outside) of your choice, drink a gallon of plain water, 10+ pages of reading a physical self-development book, perfect adherence to a nutrition plan of your choice, and zero alcohol/drugs. &#x200B; **Why I Started** The COVID pandemic kicked me in the balls from a mental perspective and created a significant number of hardships professionally and personally. I found myself in a place I didn’t like mentally and physically and decided to do something about it. I liked the structure of the program, the ""restart if you fail at all"" aspect, and the length. &#x200B; **Results** Significantly increased sense of mental control and well being. Increased discipline in every area of my life. Snug size 40 pants to easily fitting in size 34. Starting Weight 253. Ending Weight 227. Endurance is up significantly. 1RM strength is down 5% or so on squat/bench though I attribute that to its absence in my current training program more than anything. Hit lifetime deadlift PR on Day 75. Significantly increased IOIs. Hydrostatic BW testing of 13.7% at end. Did not test starting position. &#x200B; **Books & What \*I\* Got From Them** Atomic Habits - change your identity and your systems to change your life. Mindset - treat everything in life as a skill that you can improve. 12 Rules for Life - carefully consider how you behave; it is who you are. Thinking Fast and Slow - control both sides of the thought cycle to control your life. Barking Up the Wrong Tree - hard work + cunning + nice = success. Unfuck Yourself - anything you endure, you support and vote for. &#x200B; **My Methods** Tracking compliance: there’s a free app that’s very helpful for tracking the stuff each day. Water: start early and preload as much as possible. Try to drink it all by 2p each day. Used a gallon metal jug for accuracy. Workouts: one daily walk, usually with my dogs, and then a Strongman/Crossfit hybrid workout 5x a week. Walk 2x on weekends as my CNS is usually fried from Friday Strongman. Reading: I read much more than 10 pages per day. The books were all excellent and I gained quite a bit from each. Nutrition: I started the first 25 days with a 6-hour IF feed window. I didn’t see the results I wanted so I switched to keto with near-zero carbs for the last 50 days. I ate as much as I felt I needed for training purposes. Alcohol: I’m in sales and entertain quite a bit. No one gives a shit if you don’t drink. That’s just in your head. Sleep/Recovery: got a Whoop band for sleep tracking to ID what helps me and to track recovery. The obvious answers were obvious: consistency, get it cold and dark in the room, screw like a caveman right before sleep, lots of melatonin, got a white noise maker, etc. &#x200B; **Mental Model Changes** I used to subconsciously think that self-discipline was a feeling. If only I could “get more disciplined” as though people just woke up “feeling” disciplined. I realized quickly that ‘self-discipline’ is really just a descriptor of past behavior. It’s labeling the aggregation of their prior decisions and not much more. I also used to focus on the cycle of Thoughts to Feelings to Actions. I’d watch motivational Youtube videos, hoping that would translate to me working harder in the gym or at work or wherever. I thought I needed to change my mindset to change my feelings to change my actions. Now, I reverse the cycle. I just go straight to Actions. Why? Because your Actions are all that really matter. Plus, if you change your Actions, you will change your Feelings and your Thoughts. Your thoughts and feelings are far more easily influenced by your actions than the other way around. Want to feel good? Go for a walk. Want to think more clearly? Read a challenging book. Etc. The little things, done consistently, are the big things. You are what you consistently do. &#x200B; **Link to Progress Picture Comparison** [https://imgur.com/a/xPkaRd9](https://imgur.com/a/xPkaRd9) &#x200B; **Next Steps** I’ll start the next Phase in a few days. It’s more of the same plus extra tasks each day. I like the structure of the program. For nutrition, I’m going to go with something very simple like g of protein per day. I need the nutrition aspect to accommodate a cut for a strongman competition plus day of and recovery afterwards. I am adding carbs back in for performance reasons. &#x200B; I could say a hell of a lot more about any of this, especially the mental model changes, if anyone wants.",,89,HeckleandChide,2020-11-14 17:22:28 marriedredpill,juzak6,My first buck...,"I got into hunting whitetails just last year. Last year was almost comical with all the mistakes I made. This year however, I was prepared. I spent the off season having fun target shooting with my crossbow, upgraded my arrows and broadheads (after 1 point blank lung shot last year that only penetrated a couple inches), and got my shooting lanes all cleared out. I went out to a promising spot this morning. A nice buck with some gnarly antlers has been showing up on the trail cam pretty consistently in the mornings. After sitting on the ground for 3 hours in rain and hellashish wind, I decided to take a walk and do some scouting. The area appeared empty and I was growing impatient. So I headed back home to hit the treestand. At the very least, I could call it a day knowing for sure there was nothing moving near by. The tree stand looked promising, immediately. I jumped 2 doe on my way, and seen a buck coming and going from an area near by. I was happy just to see fur at that point. But just as I was about to get down and head back up to the house, a tiny doe came walking in. She browsed for at least 15 minutes and I didn't want to scare anymore deer out of the area. So I waited her out. In the meantime I catch a glimpse of antlers in the distance. And he was heading my way. He was what I'd call the perfect buck. Nice, girthy 8 - 10 point rack but he was definitely young with a small body. Awesome trophy on a deer that would be easy to drag to the house. I assumed he was going to follow the doe, so I repositioned in my stand while he was still in the brush and couldn't see me. It would've been an awkward shot...but doable. But he had other plans in mind. This unicorn of a first deer ended up 15 yards straight in front of me. Broadside. And stopping often to browse. I put my crosshairs right behind his front elbow, and as soon as he stopped I squeezed the trigger. He bucked and ran straight under my treestand off behind me. I stood up to see him standing dead still with blood slowly pooling underneath him. I kept waiting for him to fold. He just kept standing. A good minute he stood there, just looking for what bit him. Eventually he slowly walked back behind a big brush pile, and I thought I heard him lay down. The wind was whipping pretty good still. So I waited a half hour then snuck back up to the house. I checked for my arrow on my way up and was pretty fuckin excited to see it was a clean pass, covered in blood. 4 hours later, the trailing began. I went to the big blood pool....but within 5 yards I realized he wasn't bleeding much at all. I followed the trail until it just....stopped. I went every direction looking for more blood. Nothing. Climbed the neighbors tree stand for a birds eye view. No body in sight. My best guess is I didn't account for the angle I needed to take being up in the stand. On the ground, it would've went straight through his pumper. I should've aimed a little higher. My best guess is it passed through muscle, maybe only nicking the heart. I'm sick to my stomach right now. I spent the 4 hour wait to go track imaging the european mount on my new wood panel mudroom wall. A 6 month supply of jerky. And cast iron seared backstraps. But no deer in sight. But the sun will rise tomorrow and more deer will be moving. And I'll be up first thing in the morning to try again.",,0,BostonBrakeJob,2020-11-16 03:03:10 marriedredpill,jrh6eo,"Own Your Shit Weekly - November 10, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit. --- MRP Mods host a regularly weekly review on /u/weakandsensitive's [youtube channel](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeD5oABWUTB9vp_egrWNJbg/featured) on Sunday at 8PM CST. Think someone has made an OYS worth focusing on? Do you want your own OYS post discussed? Sign up [using this link](https://www.signupgenius.com/go/10c0d49acaa2faaf8ce9-oysweekly1). Make sure you're signing up on the right date. Use a fake name and email.",,16,AutoModerator,2020-11-10 08:10:15 marriedredpill,jo8ijl,"You're supposed to be here because you were tired of jerking off, not because you want a new lube.","Any man who finds his way here isn't happy. No exceptions. Men who are happy, content or fufilled don't type ""Why is my wife a bitch?"" into Google as a last ditch effort before idling the car in the garage for a quick nap. They don't type ""Why won't she fuck me?"" and then find some old /r/archwinger article about [women being for fucking](https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/4rirp6/guy_friends_are_for_social_and_emotional_support/) And they sure as shit don't reach out to a few hundred random assholes on the internet, dump their life story onto an internet forum like a brand new jigsaw puzzle then ask everyone how the fuck the pieces fit together. The point is those guys are hurting. Why? #####Because what they are already doing is not getting the outcome they thought it was. I was that guy. I came in here a mess, Whinemoreplease and ultmatecad called me a homosexual and laughed. I realized I was crying like a bitch and not solving anything, so they pointed me in the direction of some stuff to get started and told me to fuck off unless I had a specific question or a sticking point *on something I've already tried*. Do you know what they didn't do? [They didn't call me a noble warrior poet whose 'got this!'](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7mho_QpQIQ) because they were busy sorting their own shit out and didn't want to waste it on someone who can't be arsed to do the heavy lifting in his own fucking life. Thats as masturbatory as I'll put it, because the 'work' is heavy. It's not the working out, thats kinda fun. Not getting fat and eating right is fun, cooking is fun. It's all fun. You know what isn't fun? Forgetting all the dumb shit your mom/pastor/wife/friend/idiot told you about how to manage your life without fucking it up. that takes effort, introspection, time, patience, and most importantly, #####Not fucking lying to yourself And the process is shit simple to get from that google search of desperation to a dude who has his shit together. I'm not talking about your career skills. You're a great business owner. I was a great sailor. No one fucking cares. You get angry. Either your wife cheated, or left, or made you a eunuch (technically you made it yourself) and you do everything and are taken for granted, or worse ... punished for it. You're supposed to get angry, anyone telling you otherwise is an asshole. Awesome, you're angry, now what? **Anger:** Anger is what stops you from being lazy. If you're not experiencing real emotional pain you won't do anything. Why? Because we are bred to be lazy that way. Brains take energy, and without a real survival pressure it's going to keep doing what it's already done, because changing how you think about the world and how you act takes a shit ton of energy. This is why girls just go with the flow ... theres no survival pressure for them to act any other way. That anger is your survival pressure. **Mental/Physical Health:** If you're fat, stop being fat. If you're skinny, gain muscle. if you look like shit, buy some nice clothes and take a shower. Thats simple, it's not easy. The part thats not simple or easy is that shit on the sidebar. They are there to make you into your personal shrink. All your mommy issues, abandonment fears, nice guy behaviours, risk aversion, lack of assertiveness, all the other bullshit tools that make you act like a bitch; they guide you to stop doing them, and do more attractive things. You probably don't know whats fucked up about you, hence the thousands of dudes in here who will shit all over your stupid LARPING fantasy. You reflect our former shitty selves and calling you a retard helps us get over that. You realizing you're a retard helps you get over it. Everyone wins. If it's worth someone elses time to offer more than that its because they've been there and they see you doing the heavy lifting and know you wont waste their time. Teaching is the best way to learn, everyone wins. **Direction:** This is the first thing people ask for, and the [last fucking thing they need.](https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/b3v7pg/we_dont_do_that_you_dont_want_us_answering_that/) No one here can help you with that, though most people who haven't done 1 or 2 will gladly offer their services. In his autobiography, jesus said ""Know these assholes by their useless fruit"". [You're lost, we get it.](https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/4duudk/why_youre_lost/) we all are. Life is 99% guess work and 1% adaptation. Want to be a ""Family Man™"" ""Patriarch™"" or ""Alpha Male™"" ? fill your boots, thats no ones business but your own. It's outside the scope of this place. your only goal should be to make yourself attractive enough, mentally resilient enough, and with enough resolve to do what the fuck you want to do in your life. It's as hard as you want to make it. For me, it was simple. the military told me what to do for most of my working adult life, my parents before that. I wanted to be selfish and live for me, not being taken for granted surrounded by as few or as many people who added value to that as possible. Once I had that, everything else became subservient. Is it alpha? Who fucking cares, it worked. I will suggest that whatever you decide to put as your raison d'etre, ensure no one else is required to achieve it. Because 'my kids' 'my wife' having to do or be anything is another covert contract, and you're wasting your time. #####Spartan shields not required. If you're doing this shit right it should be as matter-of-fact as your workouts are. Nothing special, just a process of getting shit done for you. Normally this part is where I add some annecdote, a little pathos to get this to resonate with you. I don't want to, it misses the entire point. Your feelings are retarded and you're retarded for having them. Fix your life and fuck off and thats it.",,157,RStonePT,2020-11-05 00:27:53 marriedredpill,jnmsmd,"Warriors and Victims, Self Respect and Transformation",">""Its your turn, Money Man. *[Chuckles]* I know you're shittin' bricks right about now. Tryin' to rationalize the morality - what will your family think of you, how will they judge you. All of that went through my head too, when I first broke my cherry. >And then I realized, none of that matters. The only thing that matters is you gettin' home to your family in one piece. >The fact is, we all started out as someone's little angel. And then a place like this forces us to become Warriors or Victims... Nothing in-between can exist here. >And you've chosen to be a Warrior. Now its up to you to remain one."" - Bottles, from the 2017 film Shot Caller ##Parallels There were times during my deployment where it was kill or be killed. Me and mine, or the enemy who wanted us dead. I had and have no hatred for these people. They were fighting for what *they* believed was right, and they were willing to die fighting while making unspeakable sacrifices of their humanity in order to accomplish their mission. I have respect for that unbreakable commitment as a fellow Warrior. In the end, that's all we have - our Respect. Prison life can have this same dynamic, kill or be killed. The film I quoted has a solid theme of this, and shows a man's journey into that mentality as an Absolute. Our lives definitely do have that dynamic in some ways. There are certain ""do or die"" key moments where you have the opportunity to define yourself as a man. They can be small and seemingly insignificant, or of obvious importance. The consequences of not Nutting Up in these situations is most times not life or death - this means you can fail and keep coming back for more, or similar in your next relationship until you learn to do it right by your judgement. https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/jgso8q/failure_is_the_only_option/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share ##Our Self Respect Is All That Matters The reason MRP focuses on fixing the Man is because you are the bedrock of any relationship or family you are part of. Your wife and kids depend on you to be that unshakable foundation that they can rely on to see them through the unfairness of Life. That doesn't mean you owe it to them to be that foundation, if it was congruent you could leave them in the dust. But this doesn't change that they have this innate desire of you. They want to rely on you. And even if you're just a ""family"" of one, the same holds true - you have no one to hold accountable for your Life and how it is lived except for you. What a lot of guys struggle with is the counterintuitive but crucial lesson that even though your family depends on you, at the end of each day, it doesn't matter what *they* or anyone else thinks of you, good or bad. What matters is your Self Respect and what you think about yourself. Truth and introspection without ego are required for this internal dialog. This is why MRP tells you to focus on you. Focus on mental, emotional, and physical self improvement. Focus on mental and internal triage and repair work. ""Do the work"" comes up frequently because if your foundation is cracked or nonexistent, whatever you build on it will tumble down at the first tremor. Don't continue to build your Life on sand. Stop being a Dancing Monkey. Stop LARPing. Make the decision to become bedrock, and then do it over time, day after day. Become a man with unshakable Self Respect through your congruent actions, one building on top of the other, your failures simply adding glue between the layers of your success. All focused on you. ##Choosing To Be A Warrior How we adapt and the choices we make when faced with adversity or change, in part, defines us as men. Life is full of good and bad things that happen that we can't control. You can choose to be a Warrior, and face Life head on. Or you will choose to be a Victim by default, and blame external factors for your lack of action and the consequences of that inaction. So, are you going to keep being a Victim - letting Life happen to you, making excuses and lying to yourself about how you aren't choosing to be that Victim of your circumstance, or are you going to choose to become the Warrior you need to be to create and hold your place in this unforgiving Life? Do you have the balls to consistently choose to be a Warrior? Only your actions can answer this question. Your words are meaningless. ##Own Your Shit https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/hh570p/a_how_to_guide_to_owning_your_shit/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share When you come to MRP, it means you're choosing to be a Warrior, not a Victim. It means Owning Your Shit. Weekly. Not in a ""check the weekly box"" bullshitter's way. In a way where you set your ego aside to the best of your ability, and practice openly laying your dark truth out for the Sub to see. Hide nothing. Your success, your failure, what it means to you, for you, and what you're going to do next. Then the next week, how you followed through (or didn't) and what you learned from it all. Rinse and repeat. Until one day, you wake up and realize your internal voice is now the feedback you need, that you used to receive from the Sub. ##The Cheat Code So many guys come here looking for this. The magic bullet. I'll tell you what it is, right now. In the end, your individual successes and failures don't matter. Even those ""do or die"" moments, taken individually, *don't matter.* What matters most, the key ingredient to every single success story to come out of MRP, is your truthful commitment to the process - to the transformation from Victim to Warrior, and then maintaining that Warrior status. You can't expect anything but 100% commitment to get the results you see from guys like HornsOfApathy, BarracudaRP, Persaeus, Tyred_Biggums, ancient_resistance - even assholes like Red-sfpplus got the results that they did by *focusing on the process of changing themselves* and becoming the man they wanted to see in the mirror, literally and figuratively. No part of that process has anything significant to do with your woman or your family. Its all about you. Forge an *unbreakable commitment* to this process, and you *will* see results. Those results will in turn begin to build your Self Respect, and from that bedrock you can build your Frame and become that man in the mirror. ##See you in the weekly thread, Warriors.",,33,AlohaMaui808,2020-11-04 00:45:10 marriedredpill,jn6kmc,"Own Your Shit Weekly - November 03, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit. --- MRP Mods host a regularly weekly review on /u/weakandsensitive's [youtube channel](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeD5oABWUTB9vp_egrWNJbg/featured) on Sunday at 8PM CST. Think someone has made an OYS worth focusing on? Do you want your own OYS post discussed? Sign up [using this link](https://www.signupgenius.com/go/10c0d49acaa2faaf8ce9-oysweekly1). Make sure you're signing up on the right date. Use a fake name and email.",,19,AutoModerator,2020-11-03 08:10:13 marriedredpill,jkbj26,Craft a vision and lay your balls on the table,"This week I traveled for work and was set to present to the rest of the executive leadership a plan for all of 2021. In this plan I've proposed that they shift my responsibilities from 25% of the revenue and associated people to integrating 50% of the company into my business unit. This is a huge disruptor to the business but here's the thing: why do I care? Is the plan solid? Yes. Does it make sense? Yes. Will it work? *Maybe.* Is there risk? Of course. Do I have the confidence that we can mitigate the risk if my idea is wrong? Of course. I always bet on myself. So I walked in to my 3 hour meeting with the CEO and rest of the partnership on Tuesday and laid my plan out. The look on their faces when we got to the slide that laid out this plan was interesting. I watched them smile. All of them. My three hour meeting turned into 6 hours because of ego retards wanting to maintain their span of control over the business and I let the other people do the work for me. I answered questions. I provided my experience. I lead them to deciding that this was a viable option and they were welcome to come along. I was having a drink with the CEO later that night. He came up to me and said, ""Horns, this is exactly why we brought you in here. You're a disruptor. It's exciting. I know what you did today took some balls. I can respect that. It might just work. Keep laying these options out on the table."" Do I know if we will execute on the plan? It's a toss up. I can only control what my vision and my narrative is. But my balls are out on the table with what I *know* is a good vision and would be successful. If they don't come along, that's fine. I can make another decision on what to do next. \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ I am only talking about business, right? Go take a look at your MAP. You should always have one. Have you taken the time to write down your plan? Have you formed a narrative around that plan? **Do you believe in your plan and your ability to execute like I believe in mine?** Are you willing to put your fucking balls on the table with that plan and narrative with conviction... and tell your woman with 100% authenticity and truth that you believe in it? Or are you just going to STFU and let the world happen to you? What does that deep core part of you want? Will your woman buy into that plan and vision? Are you willing to make a different decision if that plan does not include her? Does it even matter? How the fuck does she have a place in that vision? Have you made room for her in it? What value could she bring to helping you execute? Why her? Gents - she gets first shot at going along for the ride as you sail into the sunset. But if she doesn't want to get on board - you have to be OK with that too. Your vision and mission must *always* take priority. Otherwise you're a eunuch. Get that plan together and put together a narrative around it. Lead. Lay your balls out on the table. Worst case you respect yourself and perhaps she will too. Best case you have a valuable ally on your journey who not only respects this authenticity and truth - but wants nothing more than to take those gigantic pair of balls and taste the sweet victory of them. As I crafted my pitch, I thought about all these questions here and lead them to the answers of how *everyone* had a place in this vision. And then I laid my balls out, ready to be smashed, knowing that if they were - it wouldn't be because I went at it half-assed. They can't hurt the core inside of me and that's the only thing I *really* give a fuck about. Lead with strength, motherfuckers. \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ Sidenote: I met up with /u/red-sfpplus while here and he recommends carrying around a [fanny pack purse](https://i.imgur.com/2pSeaRO.jpeg) for big balls and butt plugs.",,71,HornsOfApathy,2020-10-29 14:56:38 marriedredpill,jisayz,Parallels,"Over a year ago Horns had a great post, \[Your woman is one of your greatest creations\]([https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/c2l5dt/your\_woman\_is\_one\_of\_your\_greatest\_creations/](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/c2l5dt/your_woman_is_one_of_your_greatest_creations/)). Over time I have observed the similarities between the leadership needs of my wife and my kids. I often see where people post in their OYS’s about the challenges in the relationships with their kids, wanting to have better connections and more influence. In my journey I’ve noticed some parallels in what I was learning here, the execution of that learning and how it related to improving the relationship with my kids. The more I worked and watched, I realized that my kids are also a reflection of me. For context, I have four kids ranging from 20 to 12. The oldest, a girl and the rest boys. I know I can’t control my kid’s outcomes, I can only be in control of myself. With that in mind, part of my mission is to model, lead, and guide my children in line with my worldview. Working on me and then giving them my gift of capable leadership has created better connections. Kids want to respect you, they crave your approval and want your time, attention and leadership. Sound familiar? **Frame and mission.** It all starts with you and the work on yourself. As you progress and begin to live in your own frame, rather than others, you become more consistent and less affected by things outside of your control. You will most likely become a more consistent, capable captain. I think this is the most important thing you can do to improve your relationship with your kids – become a HVM - do the work (you know… ending validation seeking behavior, ending covert contracts, expressing emotions like a man, stop trying to control outcomes…). Awhile back in my journey, I received a DM that stated, “A blue pilled man lets the world happen to him, a red pilled man happens to the world”. We all know or are learning this and it’s a good framework to have in building connections with the kids. Much of what we all learn here are several ways to “happen to,” instead of reacting to our environment. As I took the time and space to envision the life I wanted, I did the same in how I wanted to “happen to” my kids. Once I did this I could outline clear expectations and boundaries that were congruent with my worldview. These were expectations I had to model in action and reinforce with words. What are your expectations? What are your boundaries? That part is fully up to you, captain. **Outcome independent leadership** Once you have taken the time to figure out how you want to lead your crew and are leading/modeling it in actions, you can lay out your expectations and boundaries. You'll need to enforce them. Your kids are little shit testers. Regardless of age, they will test this framework until they feel safe inside of it. If they do not, it will continue. Again, most kids need and want this from you whether you see it or not. They need consistency and emotional safety from a position of strength. They want to respect you, they want your time and attention, they want to know you are on their side, they want boundaries and they will shit test you endlessly for it. A good mental model would be to view this as a gift. *Respect:* One of the best pieces of advice I picked up when it came to kids is to “never let them see you sweat.” In the face of kids breaking boundaries, you have to learn to remain calm and enforce them. If you yell – they win. If you react – they win and they know it and will keep it up until you have established respect and authority – which is what they want. Broken record follow through is my favorite in this part. “I said to…x, I understand, but I said to…x, I heard you, but I said to…x.” The earlier you begin this, the more effective it is. Does all of this sound familiar? *Being on their side:* We often hear that the masculine grows by challenge, the feminine grows by praise. I have also observed that children will seek your attention and approval and will grow by praise. Praise helps to guide them to lean into the fear of challenges. I have found this to be true even with my 18 year old son – I just praise him in a more masculine way. Being on their side goes beyond cheering them on in sports, band or other activities and achievements (which could very well be ego driven but that would be a whole different post). For instance, I don’t want my boys getting caught up in watching pornography. Not necessarily for moral reasons, I want to give them every chance to develop a masculine frame and to minimize what can undermine that. So rather than looking to punish them if I find it on their phones, I have clearly laid out my expectations in advance and the reasons why. I reinforce with words, “I’m not looking for ways to get you in trouble, I am telling you this because I am on your side.” If you set up a more punishment based (reactive) style without explanations they will just find ways to work around it and you lose the opportunity to guide. *Time and attention:* This one is my favorite. Not only do I pay attention to them when they are sharing their interests with me and encourage them in their own pursuits and passions, I introduce all of my interests to them and spend time teaching. It’s killer time together. My physical outlet and passion is surfing. It’s my thing. Not surprisingly, all three of my boys surf and one has learned to shape his own boards. I love to fish, same with all of my boys. We do these things together constantly. They’ve not taken up everything I do but they have taken up a lot and it is a great way to connect. By the way, my 18 year old son lifts four times a week. He’s shredded. Go figure. We lift together when schedules coincide but we trade notes often. I believe this portion alone on fun, lighthearted time and attention is why they nearly follow my footsteps. That and that I have become more of a HVM. Again, sound familiar? All in all, in my journey, I have observed that there are clear relational parallels with children and women in the behavior and responses in our action or inaction. They both look for many of the same things. A HVM to follow, a mix of alpha/beta qualities, time and attention and praise... Leadership. Btw, your wife is looking to you for this leadership too, captain. I have found the more **confidently and consistently** I lead my kids, the more she follows my leadership. This clears her mental plate to provide value in areas within her strength. This is a side benefit that has been fun and damn satisfying to watch. Realize that working on you alone will maximize the opportunity for connection with your kids many of you want. Another reason to end the fuckarounditis and get busy.",,57,[deleted],2020-10-27 01:50:53 marriedredpill,jix5d0,"Own Your Shit Weekly - October 27, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit. --- MRP Mods host a regularly weekly review on /u/weakandsensitive's [youtube channel](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeD5oABWUTB9vp_egrWNJbg/featured) on Sunday at 8PM CST. Think someone has made an OYS worth focusing on? Do you want your own OYS post discussed? Sign up [using this link](https://www.signupgenius.com/go/10c0d49acaa2faaf8ce9-oysweekly1). Make sure you're signing up on the right date. Use a fake name and email.",,12,AutoModerator,2020-10-27 08:10:31 marriedredpill,ji4ntq,OYS Weekly Livestream #5 - 10/26/2020 @ 9pm EST,"This week's OYS livestream will be at [https://youtu.be/w3MLrJaHOaM](https://youtu.be/w3MLrJaHOaM) Slots are pretty much full. It's up and going in around 30 minutes. Get around it. Have a yarn in the stream chat for those so inclined. ​Paid Slot (2 Available) If you really feel that special that you must have your post read, you can buy your way in. No guarantees of quality or usefulness. If you want to pay and sponsor someone else, you can do that too. Volunteer an OYS Think some else has made an OYS that's worth taking a look at? Volunteer their post under this category. Volunteer your own post. Want your post highlighted? Sign up here under this category.",,12,threekindsoflucky,2020-10-26 00:30:27 marriedredpill,jgso8q,Failure is the only option,"My single biggest weakness is fear of failure. Not just fear of missing the mark, but fear of what missing the mark *means about who I am*. I think we all grew up with some fucked up sense that other people get to decide what failure means, and what that says about who we are. MRP is all about inverting that. Failure is a subjective judgment, not an objective fact. Confusing that might be the most crippling mistake of my life. My idea of failure was something like: ""Do this monumental task perfectly the first time with no practice, or else you'll die, or at least wish you were dead."" I shit you not, that's the extent of my miscalibration. I started asking myself, ""how the fuck did I get such an unrealistic idea?"" A few ideas came up: * I have perfectionistic parents * I got away with something like success under those terms a few times early on, so I thought it must be realistic * I have a sense (whether accurate or not) of my *potential*, and I judge myself based on that ideal instead of who I really am * Observing men who have achieved a great deal, without observing the work they put in to achieve that Living under that impossibly high standard crippled me. I started taking on only those tasks I knew with 100% certainty I could achieve. I took on an insane amount of shame when I did fail, because obviously I failed a *lot* under that standard. We toss around ""there are no cheat codes to success,"" and I know what we mean. Don't expect to get real gains by taking shortcuts. Still, some ideas are so powerful, they might as well be called cheat codes. This is one of them. It's not really cheating because it takes hard work to internalize, but doing it can make the difference between a year of running circles vs. a year of [meteoric growth](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/j3zg2a/what_a_year_of_owning_your_shit_looks_like/). **I decide what failure looks like, and what I think of myself when I fail.** Recalibrating our ideas of failure lays the foundation for a successful [self-evaluation loop](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/izj8l8/execution_focus_and_self_evaluation/). If I live under an impossibly high standard of success, I will never be able to make the only kind of progress that is actually possible over the long term: small, incremental changes practiced over and over and over. > I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed. > ― Michael jordan Reworking our mental models of success and failure will look diffrent for every man, but sharing notes can help us get there faster. Some ideas I'm working on internalizing: * Giving in to the fear of failure is the worst kind of failure. In other words, doing *anything* is more successful than letting fear of failure decide my actions. * Growth is not linear. I need to learn and re-learn things many times, so often it will look like I'm going around in circles when I'm really succeeding at internalizing new material. * Practicing DNGAF after failures. Ignore it, make a joke of it, move on. How soon will everyone forget this anyway? * Seek out failure just to get over my fear of it. I've caught myself doing things I *know* wouldn't give me the results I wanted, just as an exercise in getting over the fear of failure and resulting shame cycle. * Learning to right-size my expectations. Break a goal down into a small, achievable steps. * Refreame the situation positively. I didn't fail, I learned what doesn't work. * Decouple performance with personal value. My value of myself is not dependent on external successes or failures, although they will inform future decisions. Unconditional self-respect. -AR",,89,ancient_resistance,2020-10-23 18:21:27 marriedredpill,jel83l,"Own Your Shit Weekly - October 20, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit. --- MRP Mods host a regularly weekly review on /u/weakandsensitive's [youtube channel](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeD5oABWUTB9vp_egrWNJbg/featured) on Sunday at 8PM CST. Think someone has made an OYS worth focusing on? Do you want your own OYS post discussed? Sign up [using this link](https://www.signupgenius.com/go/10c0d49acaa2faaf8ce9-oysweekly1). Make sure you're signing up on the right date. Use a fake name and email.",,28,AutoModerator,2020-10-20 08:10:15 marriedredpill,jdrhe4,OYS Weekly Livestream #4 - 10/18/2020 @ 9pm EST,"This week's OYS livestream will be at [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7bwxsIU7KzE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7bwxsIU7KzE) Slots are somewhat filled but we can take a few more. [Sign up here.](https://www.signupgenius.com/go/10c0d49acaa2faaf8ce9-oysweekly1) I don't recommend paying unless you've been hanging out at the science experiment that is r/askMRP. The fun begins in roughly 45 minutes. See you assholes there. Interactive chat during the stream is welcome. &#x200B; # Paid Slot (2 Available) If you really feel that special that you must have your post read, you can buy your way in. No guarantees of quality or usefulness. If you want to pay and sponsor someone else, you can do that too. # Volunteer an OYS Think some else has made an OYS that's worth taking a look at? Volunteer their post under this category. # Volunteer your own post. Want your post highlighted? Sign up here under this category.",,9,HornsOfApathy,2020-10-19 00:14:58 marriedredpill,ja96h1,"Own Your Shit Weekly - October 13, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit. --- MRP Mods host a regularly weekly review on /u/weakandsensitive's [youtube channel](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeD5oABWUTB9vp_egrWNJbg/featured) on Sunday at 8PM CST. Think someone has made an OYS worth focusing on? Do you want your own OYS post discussed? Sign up [using this link](https://www.signupgenius.com/go/10c0d49acaa2faaf8ce9-oysweekly1). Make sure you're signing up on the right date. Use a fake name and email.",,17,AutoModerator,2020-10-13 08:10:28 marriedredpill,j7qbjn,"Brad Parscale cried during arrest, told officers his wife won’t have sex with him - he needs MRP",,https://nypost.com/2020/10/07/brad-parscale-said-his-wife-wont-have-sex-with-him-during-arrest/,47,[deleted],2020-10-09 01:50:05 marriedredpill,j619ak,"Own Your Shit Weekly - October 06, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,13,AutoModerator,2020-10-06 08:10:26 marriedredpill,j3zg2a,What a year of Owning Your Shit looks like,"Week in, week out, never missing a week. I am sharing this because it's much less about my journey, evolution and struggles than it is about the comments, thoughts and discussions within those posts. Within these links to my OYS posts there is a plethora of information, deep discussions, and new mental models that people shared with me that helped shape my own. Perhaps you will find some value in them. Men sharing notes. I began this journey as a blue-pilled 6'0, 141lbs skinny fuck that had never lifted a barbell in my life looking to improve his sex life after a very traumatic event that I never dealt with. I had tried everything before MRP - but nothing worked. Nearly all my sense of self-worth was tied to the validation (or lack thereof) from my wife. I was an errand boy to a woman, emotional tampon, a typical nice-guy with covert contracts everywhere.... and in a little over a year, I had gained 30lbs of muscle, my lifts were solid, and I developed into a man I was proud of mentally and physically. In the beginning I had an attention span of a squirrel with no real direction, high anxiety and failing so many tests while being a dancing monkey, implementing retarded overt dread, and often no real understanding of what a ""main event"" really looked like. I was a complete retard.... but doing something about it with patience. As time goes on I began to understand that it was my ego that prevented all of my progress. The lies that I told myself become more exposed as I read the sidebar, my need for external validation decreased, and I began to understand abundance mentality that lead to outcome independence. Despite this, I continued to bottle up my emotions in unhealthy ways - afraid of being ""beta"" - until it nearly destroyed me. My journey did not turn around until I was ready to nuke my family and marriage with zero ego. Only then did things change for me - as I was able to peel back the layers of my ego onion and expose my true self. When enough ego had been shed I looked in the mirror and for the first time in my life: I loved myself. This resulted in moving towards a 24/7 D/s relationship, nuking my career that wasn't congruent to my new life, and coming to terms with how to deal with emotions in a healthy, masculine way. After this I had an existential crisis where I found my mission. My desire is that by sharing this it can be an example of how a single man that found MRP changed his entire life, thoughts, and outlook that suited him best with a First Officer that adds great value. I owe a lot of thanks to a bunch of internet strangers in MRP. Perhaps you guys find something useful from them also in these threads. Or perhaps some of those same vets can point out examples that are useful. &#x200B; I have **bolded** what I thought were the pivotal moments in my journey. &#x200B; |\#|*Brief*| |:-|:-| |[\#1](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/9yqa1j/own_your_shit_weekly_november_20_2018/ea4ks56?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x)|Journey begins. Skinny fuck. I am a drunk captain.| |[\#2](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/a0syq6/own_your_shit_weekly_november_27_2018/eam4gnt?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x)|Parents getting divorced after 40 years. Anger phase is deep. I desperately need to crush my ego.| |[\#3](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/a2yte7/own_your_shit_weekly_december_04_2018/eb2sluo?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x)|Massive shit tests. I think wife is insane (she's not). Retarded overt dread games.| |[\#4](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/a550da/own_your_shit_weekly_december_11_2018/ebk7njj?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x)|Dialing in macros. More massive shit tests. I start to pass shit test and get BJs. I think I have a main event (lol - it's not).| |[\#5](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/a798ef/own_your_shit_weekly_december_18_2018/ec1fa6l?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x)|Began eating 3300cal/day - 280g protein. Blame women for my son's Nice Guy behavior (it's not). Nuclear shit testing including divorce threats. Told to get a girlfriend.| |[\#6](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/a9dcie/own_your_shit_weekly_december_25_2018/ecm8cwb?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x)|Turned down sex for first time. Learned not to chase and be needy. Nuclear shit test.| |[\#7](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/abgkc4/own_your_shit_weekly_january_01_2019/ed2cbv5?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x)|Listened to TWOTSM. Realized I've always fucked for validation. Realized I've been going Rambo. Had sex for the right reasons for the first time in my life.| |[\#8](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/ads8q1/own_your_shit_weekly_january_08_2019/edk3fhf?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x)|Only want good sex. Started reconnecting. Wife sabotages - nuclear shit test throwing shit and making public statement because I have a life. Began running social events.| |[\#9](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/ag6djy/own_your_shit_weekly_january_15_2019/ee3ym83?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x)|Leadership around the house. Began experimenting with DEVI. Rope tightening. Stopped drinking.| |[\#10](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/aiktnw/own_your_shit_weekly_january_22_2019/eeoq1ck?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x)|More DEVI concepts. Failing a bit still. Wife begins talking about future, wanting more kids. Struggling with parents divorce, wife doesn't give a fuck. I am still STFU about it.| |[\#11](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/aky0pa/own_your_shit_weekly_january_29_2019/ef95rr9?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x)|Reconnecting with 3yo daughter. There is not enough dread (DL3). Backrubs for blowjobs covert contract exposed.| |[\#12](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/anc5b8/own_your_shit_weekly_february_05_2019/efw8fo8?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x)|Wife shuts down sex. I start leaving the house with more interesting things to do. Nuclear shit tests. Asks if I would think about getting a girlfriend, I say ""I will have to think about it"", first time the veil is lifted I am no longer a bluepill boy.| |[\#13](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/apr730/own_your_shit_weekly_february_12_2019/egappo0?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x)|**Another fake main event. More denials - sent me on a trip with full balls. Felt dread - she fell into my frame for the first time. Begins to drop her ego. Wants a strong man. Realize this is all my fault.**| |[\#14](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/as85ti/own_your_shit_weekly_february_19_2019/egsp1gx?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x)|Hysterical bonding. I begin fucking with domination. Snooped my journal. I fail shit tests. Bought a trombone for V-day.| |[\#15](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/aux2jc/own_your_shit_weekly_february_26_2019/ehbff2q?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x)|Shit tests about sex, sometimes fail. Begin peeling back layers of bullshit about myself.| |[\#16](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/axiu71/own_your_shit_weekly_march_05_2019/ehu5xi7?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x)|Continue bulking, seeing progress. My initiations are awful. More nuclear shit tests including moving to guest room. Left for 2 week trip overseas| |[\#17](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/b05b3q/own_your_shit_weekly_march_12_2019/eicd42h?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x)|Shit test about IUD. Iron rule of Tomassi. Wife begins seeing therapist. Rope tightening. Not congruent with my job. Ego fuels me.| |[\#18](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/b2ut2o/own_your_shit_weekly_march_19_2019/eivdfzt?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x)|Back home, but battled with Oneitis while gone. Put my full weight on my woman, epiphany of AWALT. Crisis as I work through why I don't want to spin plates.| |[\#19](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/b5n4eo/own_your_shit_weekly_march_26_2019/ejezw61?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x)|Dread is natural and working, but no PIV in a month.| |[\#20](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/b8gfef/own_your_shit_weekly_april_02_2019/ejxub7p?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x)|Realized pussy is my retarded primary mission. (Dancing Monkey). Another anger phase. Dominant face-fuck my wife after 10 days of no action. She is happy.| |[\#21](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/bb5ed0/own_your_shit_weekly_april_09_2019/ekgl9to?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x)|Learning more about Dominance. PIV back after 6 weeks. Wife is noticing my body changes. Begin being unafraid of who I am.| |[\#22](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/bdrgak/own_your_shit_weekly_april_16_2019/el0gmb6?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x)|No longer motivated by sex.| |[\#23](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/bgdw8p/own_your_shit_weekly_april_23_2019/elkjeer?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x)|I start making OK that I may get divorced.| |[\#24](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/bj0vtc/own_your_shit_weekly_april_30_2019/em4pg6x?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x)|**Nuclear shit test and sabotage. My lowest point in my life. I have shut off my feelings for 6 months and it comes rushing in. I seriously contemplate suicide.**| |[\#25](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/blo4qu/own_your_shit_weekly_may_07_2019/emqkupn?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x)|Learned how to deal with my own emotions in healthy ways. More hysterical bonding. I begin dirty talk, realize my wife is a slut.| |[\#26](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/bog4bn/own_your_shit_weekly_may_14_2019/engds14?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x)|Dominant fucking. Have added 17lbs of muscle in 6 months.| |[\#27](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/br7sg8/own_your_shit_weekly_may_21_2019/eobf04k?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x)|More dominance through LMR. Surprising myself. More nuclear shit tests. Am told ""I can't resist you anymore. I get horny""| |[\#28](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/btxgoi/own_your_shit_weekly_may_28_2019/ep4yzje?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x)|If I do something nice, I'm shit tested for days.| |[\#29](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/bwmb5e/own_your_shit_weekly_june_04_2019/epyt5vl?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x)|More shit tests. Kids doing very well. Learn about sub drop. My first time ever reading about D/s.| |[\#30](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/bz9ucn/own_your_shit_weekly_june_11_2019/eqsy02y?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x)|Exwife shit tests. Wife blows up at ex. I see hypergamy in action. Making her my slut.| |\#31|*On vacation, no OYS.*| |[\#32](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/c553t4/own_your_shit_weekly_june_25_2019/es0auo2?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x)|Setting boundaries and expectations.| |[\#33](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/c86of2/own_your_shit_weekly_july_02_2019/eslhb01?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x)|Wife getting on board with actions. Sex on tap. Shit tests about cheating.| |[\#34](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/cay1xx/own_your_shit_weekly_july_09_2019/etc7iqs?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)|Bonding great with kids. Put timetable on marriage of 3 months. Dread sex is not desire.| |[\#35](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/cdua0z/own_your_shit_weekly_july_16_2019/etwuan6?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)|**First week of REAL main event**| |[\#36](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/cgpvp5/own_your_shit_weekly_july_23_2019/euk20jp?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)|**One Year Main event - Began D/s Relationship**| |[\#37](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/cjos8c/own_your_shit_weekly_july_30_2019/evf0wqz?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)|Killed a bunny| |[\#38](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/cmnwtr/own_your_shit_weekly_august_06_2019/ew3qieb?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)|Anal Training began, was challenged if I was LARPing. I was not.| |[\#39](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/cpq6m3/own_your_shit_weekly_august_13_2019/ewrxuim?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)|Taught her to squirt for the first time ever. Starting to understand more my career is not congruent.| |[\#40](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/csux0d/own_your_shit_weekly_august_20_2019/exhv2rg?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)|**Began 24/7 D/s relationship**| |[\#41](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/cw1gx9/own_your_shit_weekly_august_27_2019/ey8ba0b?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)|Training collar. Got sick. Let her take care of me. Began experimenting with using no words to communicate| |[\#42](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/cz20iv/own_your_shit_weekly_september_03_2019/eyw2j8e?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)|Cum on command training. DEVI immersion. Took my son hunting. Repaired relationship with my Father.| |[\#43](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/d24nb9/own_your_shit_weekly_september_10_2019/ezt6pgo?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)|Took my son on a boys trip with my best friend. Experimented with Daddy/LittleGirl play with wife.| |[\#44](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/d5e01f/own_your_shit_weekly_september_17_2019/f0lxk12?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)|I don't like my job it's incongruent now. Fucked wife without emotion and it awoke something in me. I don’t care about her N-count.| |[\#45](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/d8k816/own_your_shit_weekly_september_24_2019/f1bfpua?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)|Made myself the prize. Took my cock away. Wild woman appears. I have awoken a monster.| |[\#46](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/dbqaao/own_your_shit_weekly_october_01_2019/f24yc7r?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)|**Nuked my career with solid finances.**| |[\#47](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/dex3ey/own_your_shit_weekly_october_08_2019/f2zzkeo?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)|Hit the gym hard. Love my family. Working out exit from my career. I don't have a mission (yet).| |[\#48](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/di4thd/own_your_shit_weekly_october_15_2019/f3tw9m4?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)|**Discovered I've been neighbors with another MRPer for a year. Last day of my career. Looked at myself in the mirror. Finally saw the transformation. I love myself.**| |[\#49](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/dlex0g/own_your_shit_weekly_october_22_2019/f4qng1m?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)|Relationships are a woman's job. I'm not hers, it's just her turn.| |[\#50](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/domva5/own_your_shit_weekly_october_29_2019/f5ppuif?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)|""Take your horns and shove them up your ass"". Gave my wife Fascinating Womanhood and sent her away for the weekend.| |[\#51](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/drwc5r/own_your_shit_weekly_november_05_2019/f6mzj0w?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)|**It's too late to have more kids. And that was all my fault because I was a shitty leader. Dealing with guilt that some things cannot be undone.**| |[\#52](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/dv756b/own_your_shit_weekly_november_12_2019/f7bkviq?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)|**1 year post. Existential crisis beginning. Reached the imaginary finish line. No mission.**| |[\#53](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/dv756b/own_your_shit_weekly_november_12_2019/f7bkviq?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)|Criticize myself for flailing around leaving myself nothing to do and being available to my wife.| |[\#54](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/e1v2tb/own_your_shit_weekly_november_26_2019/f8sa96g?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)|**Create hardship unnecessarily to provide my ego a sense of worth. Finally understand ""how does she fit into your life"".**| |[\#55](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/e5e441/own_your_shit_weekly_december_03_2019/f9jya82?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)|When happiness is shared it becomes real. Called a BITCH! by Terry Crews. Wife bounces around the house. | |[\#56](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/ebt4yl/own_your_shit_weekly_december_17_2019/fb9i608?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)|**Revealed my daughter died. No need to OYS publicly and regularly anymore. I still OYS, but in private.**| &#x200B;",,170,HornsOfApathy,2020-10-02 17:56:35 marriedredpill,j1v2lv,"Own Your Shit Weekly - September 29, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,15,AutoModerator,2020-09-29 08:10:46 marriedredpill,izj8l8,Execution focus and self evaluation,"A lot of otherwise smart people who understand the importance of improvement place a huge emphasis on learning. They read and read, apparently expecting something to magically click inside of their heads and then they'll become awesome. I've seen it in guys struggling with the red pill, they read the sidebar and devour content but don't get anywhere with their romantic life. I've seen it in managers, always reading books about leadership and saying the right buzzwords but applying so little of it in their actual work. What they lack is execution focus. *Understanding* a concept is by far the smallest part of *doing* something well. Nobody gives a fuck about book smarts. You can know every single relevant thing about making a perfect golf swing and still suck at making shots. That's obvious to everyone, but as soon as we leave the realm of physical skills many people forget that. To learn how to do stuff well, you have to practice. And that takes time and effort. You do it, again and again, until you get good. That's how you build skill, and building skill is absolutely essential for being able to execute. This sounds like a nobrainer, but the reality is that a lot of people will read and read, but never take the time to practice and build skill. If you read a book or watched a youtube video on something you'd like to be able to do, and you can't do it well yet, then ffs don't move on to the next book or video. Make a plan for how you'll practice, and go practice. Again and again. Stop focusing on learning and instead focus on execution and building the necessary skill. There's been many studies done on how to develop skill. Some basics I won't touch on further is being motivated, finding joy in what you do and take a break before you begin hating it, and visualizing. What I'm going to focus on here is having a solid self evaluation loop. Studies in sports have shown that for most people, their skill development is slow and after just 50 hours it drops to almost zero. The people who not just learn things quickly, but more importantly who continue to progress after they got the basics, all have a strong focus on self evalution. First, you break it down into smaller parts. There might be 5, 10, 100 different aspects to a skill, and if you try to just ""learn to golf"" there are way too many aspects for you to consciously comprehend and evaluate. The solution is to identify one aspect you want to improve on, ideally the one that will have the largest impact for the time and effort put into it, and work on it. Focus consciously on improving it when you're practicing, and evaluate on how well you did afterwards, and do that as often as possible. Self evaluation is essential to building skill. Let's take an example: you want to signal stronger frame. Part of that is to appear more confident, but that's still too broad. You identify that your body language is tense and fidgety. Presenting a relaxing and calm body language, that's something you can work. So you consciously check your posture to ensure that you have a wide and tall stance, that your hands are open and apart, etc. That's a self evaluation and improvement loop you can have running many times a day, and over a few days you'll be able to eliminate some bad habits and work in some good ones. Then you switch to another aspect and repeat the process, run the loop again. The key parts are actually practicing, ie. doing it, and the self evaluation. A lot of the time, neither of them are fun initially, but find the motivation to do it. Often it does take long before you turn a corner where you begin feeling competent and seeing some progress, and then it becomes fun and easy to do. Take something like talking to strangers to learn approaching and dread game, most guys find it horrible initially, but then it works one time and then another and then they get hooked on it. How good is this process of execution focus and improvement loops? Imagine a guy who read a book, then went back to the chapter on approaching and every few days picks a new aspect of it, puts in effort to practice it by actually doing it, self evaluating each time and working in improvements. He does that for a few weeks, then picks another chapter on something else and goes out and practices that, self evaluating on one aspect at a time. How well can that guy execute in 6 months? Pretty damn well. He'll have built real skill, he'll have seen real success, and that'll built real confidence and frame. Compare that to a guy who instead read 4 books, and along the way he tried to half-ass a few things, found it didn't work too well and instead of practicing he went back to read about something else. Bottom line is, it's not about what you *know*. It's about what you can *do*. There are way too many red pill aware guys who never went out and did the work needed to become awesome. Stop the content consumption, stop thinking that if only you knew more you'd get that insight that would make you get it. It's bullshit and doesn't do shit for becoming red, learning to play golf or anything else in life. Focus on execution. Build skill. Self evaluate. Run the improvement loop, over and over.",,74,Sepean,2020-09-25 13:17:05 marriedredpill,iza0kh,On horns of apathy... absolution... and considering another perspective...,"Sheesh, I've been here how long? Five, six years? * I've been approved for ages. Cool. * I'm even a mod. That's like being an astronaut. * I have followers. Woo-hoo. A lot of them. * I get instant messages. Sheeit. A ton of them. (Please stop.) * I get emails of (1) appreciation, (2) scorn, and (3) condemnation; all at the same time. I've attributed much of my success to stoney and steele. I've also acknowledged the crucial role w&s plays, but also, played specifically in particular for me. Of course SK, uem, bogey, bp, and more. Tonight, however, I want to talk about **horns of apathy.** HOA and I chat a bunch - in reddit - but mainly these days in discord. He's a smart dude. I've seen all his kookie, long-winded posts. He once told me he writes like me: kookie and long-winded. But never before tonight have I been on the receiving end of his advice; leveraging his expertise, benefiting from his knowledge, opening up doorways of discovery I had not previously considered. You take a dude like me, who legitimately doesn't care - by care I mean invest himself in one outcome or another - and present his position to HOA and you get something beautiful in return.... a perspective I had not considered, perhaps a perspective I simply could **not** consider. You see, I had nuked my marriage recently. No big deal. I was good with it. And not like askmrp-shit-talking-I'll-say-I'm-good-when-I'm-bad, but legitimately good with it... as in que-cera-cera, life goes on, my choice, my rules, my wife will no longer be my wife. Four concise words, one sentence. That's (figuratively) all he had to say. Of course it opened a larger conversation, one we're still in the midst-of. But goddamn did it give me perspective where once there was none. The four words: ""She just loves you."" I say this to both (1) tell you all that this dude is the real-deal, but also (2) remind you that this process works. Even for an old dog like me.",,26,johneyapocalypse,2020-09-25 01:11:22 marriedredpill,ixjayq,"Own Your Shit Weekly - September 22, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,17,AutoModerator,2020-09-22 08:10:19 marriedredpill,ixd4fh,Tomorrow's OYS Post: Some Recommendations...,"OYS is where progress occurs. With that in mind, existing and new posters alike, consider the following: * **Don't frame any portion of your post as ""she""** did this and ""you"" did that in return. Make sure you are the protagonist of your post. Some mods have itchy-trigger-fingers for ""she""-based posts, even if it's just a section of your OYS. The result of that is usually a ban. * **Don't lie to us.** More importantly, don't lie to yourself. Lying to yourself enables you to lie to to us. The net result isn't pretty. Some dudes here are uncannily capable of finding your lies to us and turning them on you. Think ahead. If you're honest with yourself you can avoid this. * **Don't live action role play your life.** None of us care. * On the caring front, **some of us put effort into this joint.** What gets feedback, what gets results? Acknowledging your shortcomings, accepting your challenges, and earnestly shooting for something better. For fuck sake, how many ""citizens of the world"" even bother to think that far ahead? Don't be so deluded to assume you know it all; fact is, you know virtually nothing. Reality is: that's okay. That's actually why many of us volunteer our time. You think I give a flying fuck whether you upvote my post? Christ. * **Understand this is a process, one that has proven - for many - to be a process that can work.** You won't get ""overnight results"" as though you bought them on a late-night infomercial, guaranteed for the low, low payment of just $19.95. * **With that said, if you're writing something like ""OYS #63"" then reconsider what you're doing.** Have you made progress? Are you fooling yourself? Are you making progress or are you sitting on your ass, wasting all our time, and simply fictionalizing a future you can only hope for? Lot's of smart dudes put time into this - too many to name. If you're wasting your time and you're wasting our own time and you're only larping a bunch of bullshit (foxshitynasty83) then I'm numbering your days, personally. * **If you have little to say... if you haven't progressed.. then don't fucking say anything.** OYS is not your journal. If you're content with stagnation, then leave it to yourself. * **Per Stoney:** A small thing that will help immeasurably for guys here new and old posting in there: If your post is future tense it's shit so write in the past tense. Trust me, it improves more than the writing. Finally, two things: * Write down your OYS. Sit on it. Then edit for clarity before posting. * Know that posting first (as in Tuesday morning at 2:25 am) is not required. I - and at least one other mod - pay more attention to the later posters than the initial posters. Lastly, know this: 1. Askmrp is good, if you've been subjected to a lobotomy against your will. 2. MRP is good, though covid has the numbers keeping mum. 3. OYS is where you find (supposedly) motivated people - aka you - and legitimately motivated people - e.g. me - and others - who can try to help you navigate these dark waters. So focus on OYS - as w&s (may he rest in peace) - has always advised. Faggot.",,29,johneyapocalypse,2020-09-22 00:40:04 marriedredpill,ix9o4t,Don't Be Autistic,"Some people just can't figure out common sense. There's literally a group of people who lack this cognitive capacity ... then there are guys new to the red pill who forget they have this ability for a time. I'm skeptical that anyone will want to admit to identifying with this post, but there's a good chance others are seeing it in you - and in hind-sight, I wish I'd been self-aware enough a few years ago to know when I needed something like this, so let's see where it goes. Google describes autism symptoms as ""difficulty with communication, difficulty with social interactions, obsessive interests, and repetitive behaviors."" Psychologists I have spoken with and examined as part of my career have noted that one expression of autism is when someone compartmentalizes a particular thought process away from all the others, or fails to recognize appropriate contexts or limits/boundaries for expressing that thought process through behavior. Another noted that what we perceive as common sense, they don't comprehend intuitively - they have to learn many such concepts the same way you would have to learn carpentry: study, observation, and practice. Let's clean that up: *autists have difficulty figuring out when to apply good advice and when not to.* _____ **EXAMPLES** Consider Sepean's [10 ways to fail at MRP post](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/bsxtu5/10_ways_to_fail_at_mrp/). - **You don't lift hard enough.** Some guy reads this, doesn't actually research lifting or follow a program, but just puts more weights on the bar, then gets himself injured. - **You mistake your idea of a real man for being alpha.** Guy has his own idea of ""alpha"" having a dominant frame, forgetting the importance of the *quality* of his frame, so he tries to dominate his wife in every conversation and it blows up in his face. - **You listen to your wife.** Sepean already foresaw this one and addressed the guy who idiotically ignores everything his wife says, even in casual conversation. - **You're upset your wife is angry.** Someone reads this and idiotically stops paying attention to legitimate emotional cues of other problems that don't involve you. - **You think your wife is a puzzle you have to solve.** After reading this, you trivialize every differing thought and emotional issue she expresses, making you incapable of distinguishing fitness tests from comfort tests. - **You're angry at how women are.** Guy reads this and decides that instead of being *angry* he'd *embrace* the nature of women, which idiotically came with an absence of caution when interacting with them, so he gets slapped with a DV charge, divorce, unexpected child support, etc. - **You go rambo.** Guy decides not to go Rambo, taking things slow, and 5 years later is wondering why he's still not seeing results. - **You won't play dread.** Guy decides to ""dread"" his wife by making hear jealous as often as possible. - **You half-a it.** Someone decides he's going to be ""all-in"" and starts going Rambo instead, or so drastically changes his routine all at once that nobody else in his house has the ability to adjust or follow his lead. - **You don't switch into dominance and boundary enforcement.** The guy reads this, ignores the ""eventually"" context and starts the process too early, resulting in massive Rambo-like explosions. Let's add a few more common ones: - Guy is told to STFU. He literally stops talking to his wife and won't speak during conflict. - Guy is told to develop a strong frame. He becomes emotionally dead, extremely cold, and completely unlovable. - Guy is told to AA through fitness tests. Starts cracking AA jokes during comfort tests. You get the idea. _____ **OBJECTION 1** > But Red, most of these posts explain what they mean so people wouldn't make stupid mistakes like this. You'd think, right? Turns out: lots of guys ... 1. Skim rather than read 2. Read, but read so much at once that they can't remember half of what they read 3. Remember what they read, but don't process it 4. Process, but don't apply 5. Apply, but only the things they *think* are relevant This entire sub is filled with gold. Yeah, there's some crap too. I've written some of the crap myself - stuff I'd go back and change, if I cared enough. I get it. But that's kind of the point. Don't be autistic and do something just because some rando on the internet wrote a post. Look for the guys who have a track record for reliable content. Read through the comments and figure out which suggestions work and which don't. It's often said reddit-wide that the best of reddit isn't the posts, but the comments. That principle certainly holds true here too. Actually read and process what you read, then test it against your own common sense and instincts. **OBJECTION 2** > But, Red - if I've been blue pill for so long, should I really trust my own 'common sense' and instincts? No, but I'm telling you to anyway. Know why? Because that's what's going to pace you. Yes, your ""common sense"" is going to push against all of this stuff. But if you didn't have that, you'd apply it all way too fast in all the wrong ways, as many do, and end up blowing up your life rather than fixing it. Instead, you read a red pill nugget and your common sense says not to do it. Rather than picking one or the other, this tension causes you to test/practice applying the concepts at safe contexts at a gradual pace. As you see it working and you become competent, your common sense adjusts to recognize that you can keep applying the concept in other contexts as well. In time, your blue pill instincts that were buffering you from going Rambo are now encouraging you to expand. In this, you'll figure out quickly what works for you and what doesn't. And when you see that you're improving, but plateauing in the results you wanted, *common sense* would send you back to some of those principles you previously discarded. Maybe you weren't ready for them then, but you are now. Pick them up again and get back at it. **OBJECTION 3** > But if she's disgusted by me right now, wouldn't a sudden, drastic change be better to show her I'm not the same? No. I've heard guys say this. You don't change overnight just because you read an internet post. YOU have not changed. At best, *your perspective* has changed. Besides, questions like this still focus too much on her. Stop worrying about how she perceives things and you be better because YOU want to be better. All I'm saying is that if you want to do that in a way that *doesn't* blow up your life/marriage, apply some common sense. The levels of dread are a great reference point here. Notice how you don't even *start studying* PUA until level 6, and you don't actually practice it until level 7? So what are you doing hitting on your waitress in front of your wife when you haven't even passed your first fitness test yet? It's [right there in bold letter](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2lpafb/the_12_step_plan_of_dread_book_excerpt_from_my/): **""Move up these levels one at a time, slowly, and carefully, taking approximately 1 month for each level.""** Slow down. Master the basics before going on. I still find that revisiting the basics has more value to me than trying to practice ""advanced"" concepts. Do I learn anything new when I do? Nope. But I certainly remember some things I forgot. And it reminds me that being a high value man, while requiring lots of effort, is ultimately nowhere near as complicated as some men try to make it. Common sense. Don't be autistic.",,51,Red-Curious,2020-09-21 21:21:28 marriedredpill,iv3jfb,MRP Discord Channel,"We have a discord channel that's mostly idle and low key. Feel free to join and chat if you so desire. Goes without saying that the standards we expect here transfer over to there. But in a more casual sense. [Discord](https://discord.gg/k5YNssD)",,15,threekindsoflucky,2020-09-18 10:25:05 marriedredpill,iuxdig,OYS - Learn from the Best... On Video...,"So over the years I've come to believe that W&S is spot-on when he suggests that the damn-near entirety of value comes from the new posters, old posters, and mods who are participating in OYS. The one thing in common: Everyone's goals are aligned, we're all looking for the same thing, bullshititis is not allowed - especially of late with some of the some new rules we've implemented - and people are looking to improve. Stupid-ass questions worthy of fools and fuck-heads get tossed to askmrp, and even (sometimes) lame-ass questions that make it to mrp are not the topic: instead, cold, hard, truths about addressing your challenges and improving are the nature of the game. So take your knowledge and understanding even further. This Saturday (and every Saturday) w&s parses the oys posts and their responses - and he does so with no hidden motivation. Of note: this Saturday, w&s is joined by HOA - horns of apathy - and there's even more to learn. Two sharp minds who understand the nature of the game. I think it happens at *2:30 PM EST* - but will update if I'm told that's not the case. (Edit: It's 2:30 not 2:00.) W&S please provide a link. Link has been provided below. Here it is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=69aUrqQl9jw&app=desktop p.s. He's not advertising this no-money-making venture on his own behalf; I'm bringing it to your attention because it's worth your time.",,22,johneyapocalypse,2020-09-18 02:06:45 marriedredpill,itu4ep,The Work Is Mandatory,"Observation, and Implementation I have been here for 4 years, 2 as a lurker and 2 as a FNG. I read all these stories about how these men were going through pain and turmoil. and I identified with that, but I didn't Own My Shit. I was better than them you see. I had sex on the regular, My (now) ex wife was doing what I wanted in the bedroom, she didn't fight and yell and scream much anymore. and I thought well I just don't have it as bad as these sad sacks. (AWALT, gets tossed around but how many of you have been in a similar situation) How Wrong I was. I introduced her to a friend, because I was always hanging out with him, and she was shit testing me non stop about why I wasn't home. We all started hanging out, it was fine at first. but soon after that she started respecting his opinions. and then she started talking about him A LOT. soon after that she'd ask me, ""hey did you see so and so tonight I think he was checking me out/staring/holding eye contact"". I told her what I thought she wanted to hear, ""maybe he is, I didn't see it but you look good baby"". Time goes by, about 6 months. she asked if they could hang out alone, I think sure yeah why not he's a friend to us both. She gets home crying around midnight, ""He rejected me"". I was beta bluepill comfort boy, why wouldn't she? (this was beyond the point of no return, ILYBINILWY had done be said and gone. just because she is fucking you doesn't mean she isn't picturing someone else's face.) The next day she tells me she loves him, and tells me about how she told him that the night before and he shut it down. he calls me at 9 AM and tells me the same thing. so I figure I'm in the clear. What follows is a series of late night hangouts I'm not a part of. following similar patterns and her seeking validation from me because he says no. It's NRE I'm not a part of. After two months of me crying on the couch at home while shes hanging at his house 3 nights a week till 1am. worried , terrified shes fucking him. I grow a pair and say its the marriage or him choose now. We all know what she chose. I don't know if they were fucking, and honestly I don't care. I pulled the trigger on divorce and she fell into substance abuse issues and moved away. divorce was final april of 2019 (It took this, THIS. I am probably the BLUEST fucking PILL person i have ever heard of. But the fact remains that this was all predicted and if I hadn't been a drunk captain it wouldn't have happened. We all know our weaknesses, Some of us just really don't like looking at them and accepting them.) The Work Is Mandatory Just because I got out, doesn't mean I was fixed. And the work still didn't get done, I grew, tried fumbling my way through it without Owning My Shit. And now I'm back, because there is still work to do. If you have a job to do and you need to learn how to do it, who do you go to ? Teachers. Sidebar, Reading, Lift, Diet, Career, and Money. everything you could ever want to know about how to be a fucking High Value Man. It's all here. It isn't easy but its simple, that's why we call it work. Accepting Red Pills truth, is hard and it puts the burden on YOU. But there's only one way to go from rock bottom. you gotta climb back up that fucking trench and put in the time and the work. otherwise you sit at the bottom. no one wants to be the guy who coasts through life, taking the path of least resistance. But what do you think the path of least resistance gets you ? running headlong full speed at the bottom of the trench. In my story I never left rock bottom, and boys let me tell you its a fucking hard realization to come to. DIVORCE WAS LITERALLY THE PATH OF LEAST RESISTANCE. Don't be me. If it feels hard, your probably doing it right. The Work Is Mandatory There is no Magic Bullet &#x200B;",,54,[deleted],2020-09-16 12:04:56 marriedredpill,itvxzy,Simple Yet Strong: Rise from bed before your wife does. Go to bed after your wife does.,"Frame is everything. If you lose your frame, you lose your life. If she's not in your frame, she's not in your marriage. So, frame every one of her days with you. GETTING UP Simply decide that you are not the kind of man who lets his wife squeeze more from life than you do. Lift well. Eat well. Sleep well. But get the fuck up. And by getting the fuck up, I mean you do it with power and poise, not reluctantly. You stand up. You face away from her (and toward the world, where \*your day is\*). And you stretch that strong back with a very deep breath and primal long, low, and deep grunt - one of satisfaction with the sleep that was and with preparation for getting ready to fuck the day. If you're a true baller, immediately before getting up, you will have already enveloped her in a hug with your naked body (yes, naked - more on that below), pressed your pelvis against her and deeply inhaled the scent of her neck and hair like Tony Montana. You will have extracted energy from her scent and her body. You are a pro if it makes you hard and she can feel that energy growing in you - something you take from her, but which her innermost being wants taken. Once you're up, you're always in motion, but never in a hurry. You strut through every part of your routine and chore. You make yourself look presentable first, even if you have more grooming etc. for later. (Don't be unattractive.) When your wife finally rises, you welcome her to the day like she's a guest in your house. Your expression and tone is warm and welcoming, but also with a ""well-look-who-decided-to-join-the-party?"" kind of smirk. If she's a mess or tired or fussy, add some ""what-are-we-going-to-do-with-you"" to that tone and expression. Be cordial. Help her with her coffee, her keys. Give her the sense that you are the all-seeing king of your domain. Don't be servile. Be helpful, but always have that smirk. When it's time for one of you to leave for the morning, repeat the energy extraction procedure above (body-enveloping hug + pelvis push + deep immersion in her scent). And walk away from that encounter like you just fucked her. Why? Because her brain and body will feel like you just have. And they will go crazy with the fact that you obviously know that. GOING TO BED Be the last one to bed. Never be waiting in the bedroom with anticipation for fucking. Your game should be good enough that you have almost complete certainty about whether sex is happening at the moment you get into bed. And I can assure you, your early arrival to bed will only lessen (and not increase) the odds. If she announces she is going to bed with that tone or expression that seems to say you should join, then you either immediately take control of the situation and drive it toward sex, or you wait five to ten minutes to come in, or you finish taking care of your day's business with the world without care for whether sex will happen (it likely will). When you do go to bed, you remember that bed, like everything else in your life, is about you getting energy or expressing it. That is, bed is for fucking and sleeping. That's it. Nothing else. Every moment you are awake in bed should be focused on either fucking or sleeping. If something's worth watching or reading, then read or watch it when you're in a position to stay awake and extract its goodness. If you sit there in your bed reading or watching something, you're wasting your vitality and off-gassing beta like a comb-over. If your wife insists on reading and watching something in your bed, she's abusing your bed. You don't have frame. She should be fucking you there, or getting her rest for all the fucking that needs to happen later. But you don't negotiate this. You game it. You give her an eyeful, not an earful. Here's how: First, if your SMV is almost equal or better than hers, you always sleep naked. Period. You have that trophy cock she earned, and you need to be comfortable in your own fucking bed with it being on display. If you can't do that there, then you have no frame anywhere. If sleeping naked is uncomfortable to you, get your ass in shape and go to bed tired. If you're tired and fit enough, you sleep like a baby regardless of what you're wearing. If your body needs significant work to get your SMV up, then do the work and show-off the progress. If she comments on your swagger with the dagger, you stay cool and comfortable with the tone and expression of ""this is how to properly bed."" Once you're in bed, you force-feed her deep, sensual cuddling. Always give her at least some of this. If it's obvious she wants more, then give her more. You have plenty to give. You press your naked body against her body (which is probably way-too-clothed), and you repeat the energy extraction procedure above (body-enveloping hug + pelvis push + deep immersion in her scent). If you want sex, you do this with gropes and strokes and your other DEVI game. Else, tell her you love her and that you hope she gets ""restful"" sleep (you actually work her need for rest into that sentence so she knows you know that you are giving her rest) and relax your own body and stop infusing her with sexual tension and instead resolve to go to sleep. You have just given her permission to sleep in your bed and be at ease. If the day was not pleasing to you, fuck it. Pay it no mind. Waste no further thought on it. If today was a good day for you (regardless of whether it was good for her), you say it. And you say it like you are pronouncing judgment on a pleasing meal at its conclusion. You are the evaluator of the quality of life, and when you have been pleased, you express it with vitality. She will find this energizing and comforting, even if she doesn't tell you. If sex is done or not happening, you spread your naked body out on the bed (you take more of the bed than she does), or get in a comfortable and dominant cuddle with her, and you settle in for the best, most relaxed prayer and meditation you have ever experienced. You express your gratitude for your life and the day. And you feel the satisfaction of being who you are. If any thought or worry tries to pull you out of your frame, you put a big smile on your face, you take a deep and pleased inhale, and you tell that thought or worry that you have exactly nothing else to do than enjoy your sleep. You look at your sleep like its your favorite desert. Like it's the best part of your day. You don't recap the day. You enjoy the dessert. And that's how you frame your day, and hers. (P.S. I've been doing the above for a month. This morning I am contributing this because yesterday she gave me a surprise afternoon BJ - insisted on ""sucking it dry"" - and we fucked for five hours last night, with her having giant orgasms at least ten times. And all of this when we both have work today and have to do virtual schooling for our 3 kids. It's also the 5th day of her period when she's usually too embarrassed about bleeding to be sexual. She repeatedly overcame all of those obstacles last night for great good-old-days fucking - we're both almost 40. Plus, she talked dirty and was overtly submissive, both pretty new for her. And this morning she's angling for more. MRP works.)",,4,mattNutter,2020-09-16 13:52:58 marriedredpill,it4kfb,"Own Your Shit Weekly - September 15, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,17,AutoModerator,2020-09-15 08:10:34 marriedredpill,iqhzy6,I used to buy flowers. Sometimes I still do.,"If we go back in time to a couple of years ago, I was *that guy* who bought flowers every Sunday for her without fail for years. It was a long time ago and it’s hard to remember the mental models now, but I’m sure there was a covert contract in there somewhere. I was “the guy who bought flowers every Sunday” and imagined that some day my wife would boast to her friends and family about how I was such a Nice Guy^(TM). Then one day along my journey here at MRP I just stopped buying them. Maybe at first it was some Rambo McFucktard move, or attempting to Alfa-Up, I don’t really remember now – but I know that at some point I just stopped. I would not expend the mental energy on doing so because she was not worth it. Of course I was shit tested about it. “You always used to buy me flowers, and you don’t even do that anymore” was a common line I heard along my journey. Who fucking cares? The problem was that I was buying flowers for the wrong reasons. I was buying them to buy something from her – negotiating desire, or passion, or for her or her friends and family to like me. I wasn’t buying flowers just to *buy them.* This was probably one of my first revelations after coming to MRP. Does that mean that I don’t buy them anymore? No, it means I buy them differently now. Earlier this week a good friend of mine decided to head down to my home state to visit for the weekend. Completely unexpected. I haven’t seen him in about 2 years – he’s going to stay for the weekend. I let my woman know as soon as I could so she could prepare, but hey – I’ve got a pretty anxious woman on my hands that wants to add value. What followed was two days of intense cleaning, making up the guest room, cleaning bathrooms… all without a word from me. Adding value. As I walked through the grocery store tonight picking up some meat for the BBQ this weekend, I walked by the flowers. I picked out a few and brought them home. I didn’t think about why I bought them. I just struck me as something that I wanted to do. I brought them home, gave them a fresh cut and put them in a vase. She hasn’t seen them yet, but walked by them a few times. Just now I was bombarded with comfort tests in the form of “It’s like no one cares about me. All I do is clean. I feel underappreciated. It’s like you can’t be nice to me anymore and are just a hard-ass and I feel sad.” I just laughed. I got a snarky response back that “it’s not funny”. I laughed again. The feelz were running high and I could see her get visibly upset. As I watched her emotions churn it was delightful. I was in awe of such the ignorance that she had that *I do care about her*. I just smiled and STFU. I could literally feel the tension she was trying to push into me but you know what? It didn’t fucking matter. This was absolutely funny because I already knew what was going to happen. I sat at the table the flowers were on and just stared at her. Being completely blinded by her feminine emotions in the moment she stared back at me, still unaware. But then I moved my eyes from hers to the flowers and back to hers, no words spoken. And that’s when I saw it… the rollercoaster of emotions took a new turn and she smiled at the magician. Do you see how that magic works? I didn't in the house announcing flowers had arrived. I didn't tell her about them and try to get a blowjob. I didn't place them strategically in some spot she would notice them immediately. I didn't have a covert contract about some pansy ass flowers. I wasn't *proud* of buying flowers. It was just something I did and wanted to do. I did something because I *genuinely* wanted to because I *genuinely* appreciated everything she does to add value to my life. She likes flowers, cool. How many words did I say? Zero. How many times did I tell her thank you for cleaning bathrooms? Zero. How many times did I TELL her I appreciated everything she did? Zero. How many times did she ask me what it was that needed to be done? Zero. Be a magician in your own unique way. Find more and more unique ways to praise your woman with authenticity for the ways that she adds value to your life *without words* and enjoy all the great feminine emotions she has to offer you. It's fun. But at the same time - also ask yourself why you do the things that you do. It’s pretty simple. Acta non verba.",,120,HornsOfApathy,2020-09-11 02:31:47 marriedredpill,iopqsq,"Own Your Shit Weekly - September 08, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,18,AutoModerator,2020-09-08 08:10:36 marriedredpill,im4txv,PSA A Shit Test Is Not Her Being Bitchy,"Said this a few times recently but a shit test is not the same as her being a bitch. Go back and review BPP's [early videos on RP](https://youtu.be/0y5kPB9noA4). A great noob resouce by the way. Hit me hard early on. Though he was a little shall we say, amature in them his base message is on point. A shit test is simply her testing your shit. It will *appear* like she's being a bitch. But if you set your fragile ego aside for half a second you'll see it's a sarcastic tease and she's lobbing you a pitch hoping you'll knock it out of the park. Corollary: A reduction in shit tests is not an accomplishment. It could mean she isn't teasing you. It could mean she is tired of you responding like a little bitch so she's reduced them. The only time it's good is when you mistakenly believe she no longer shit tests you because you enjoy playing ball with her and don't even recognize them as shitty anymore. That is all.",,71,[deleted],2020-09-03 23:33:02 marriedredpill,ilol0y,Can you be humorously stoic?,"I haven't posted anything a while. See, that’s what happens when you read the sidebar, lift, OYS, and have a mission... you get too busy to always be able to comment in the first hour or 2 of a post, which are *usually* where the top comments will come from (not always). Anyway, I’ve been thinking about **genuine frame** In order to make progress, a big prerequisite is downsizing your ego and getting honest with yourself. I observe a lot of new guys talking out of both sides of their mouth. It’s ok - it’s how most of us arrived here - **confused** Confused on so many things.... like when they say STFU, do they mean it literally. At one point, I actually took STFU literally (spoiler alert / I don’t now). STFU means speak more deliberately and stoically **while also maintaining a sense of humor. **Is that even possible?** - to be stoic and humorous simultaneously? Yes, it is... in fact, it is preferable. **Don’t take your women so damn seriously** This is where humor and stoicism intercept. However, first, you need to concentrate on the basics and become the best man you can be in all areas. **The basics: lifting, eat clean/get lean, sidebar, stfu.** Too many men come on her looking for an instant fix or they want to reinvent the wheel. Once you invest in the basics over an extended period of time, you will stumble upon a resource that you couldn’t previously access: **Frame.**. The reason you couldn’t access frame before is because it is an inside job, and faking frame won’t get you far. As a matter of fact, faking frame is likely to backfire on you and set you back even farther than your newbie faggot ass is.... because people (particularly your woman) will see right through it, and she will throw creative shit tests at you that you never knew even existed. See here’s the thing... women own social and verbal battlefield due to hundreds (perhaps thousands) of years of evolution. Why would you want to fight on that battlefield? **This is why you do the work for YOU**. Building the frame will come as a natural result of doing the work. But, I don’t go out with the idea thinking “ok Bobby, I’m going to build some frame now” and then start trying little tricks and gimmicks to prove my frame. **Tricks and gimmicks are for PUA, and even in PUA, their effectiveness is limited** because if that’s all you have, you will be unable to successfully spin plates, and the first time you try, one of them will lock you down, and then most likely dump you after you drop all your other “plates” and lose all passive dread power. **But, I digress.** **Back to frame** - you build it for yourself by trusting the process, and then it just happens. One day your wife throws a shit test at you that would have made you lose your temper, yell, get butthurt, and run out of the room like a little child... **but this time something different happens** * You don’t GAF * You find it humorous (amused mastery) * Maybe you agree and augment it, and you genuinely laugh at your own response... **and she does too** * Your mind is quiet and you don’t feel stressed about the test * Or perhaps you feel agitated, but you STFU **(stoicism}** * You have genuine frame and **you possess humor and stoicism simultaneously** Yes, it is possible. But, you have to put in the work - * Do the readings (not just a few books / all of them). * You have to get lean and add muscle. * You have to do weekly OYS posts * You have to STFU and not engage in petty arguments. Make it simple... learn the art of not arguing, but pick your battles if a serious line of disrespect is crossed. * If you don’t pick your battles wisely, you will get caught up in endless petty arguments- **if you find yourself having endless petty arguments, That is a reflection of your lack of leadership and lack of attractiveness**. That is on you, and you need to fix **you** So, * Learn amused mastery, * practice A&A, * practice fogging and flipping the script... * but learn the subtle art of not giving a fuck (there might even be a sidebar book about that). **Learn how to STFU and not engage** **Learn how to do all these things.** **How?** By doing the work and trusting the process **The result** - The ability to Be naturally humorous and stoic. Learn to feel pain without being a faggot and escalating it into something 10 times worse. Learn to make the stay plan the same as the go plan. Learn how to become a real man. **But, be patient** - It takes time and effort, and it will be harder for some than others Depending on how deep your blue pill conditioning runs. Get up when you fall. Get right back up on the fucking horse no matter how badly you slip backwards... just STFU and get back on the horse. It is better get badly wounded on the horse than to fall off and bitch about it. **Become humorously stoic by doing the work And trusting the process**",,73,BobbyPeru,2020-09-03 06:55:27 marriedredpill,ikgdvy,"Own Your Shit Weekly - September 01, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,24,AutoModerator,2020-09-01 08:12:00 marriedredpill,igf65m,The Dread Contract and Scoreboard - how to frame improvement for YOU.,"So many posters come in here and worry far too much about how much “dread” they are instilling or ask if they should just skip everything and have a FMOFY speech. Even guys who have been here awhile may chime in with a “What Dread Level are you on?”. There is a fundamental problem with this line of thinking. On one hand we talk about having frame, removing covert contracts, and destroying the scoreboard. On the other we have dread which is her frame, a giant covert contract, and a scoreboard. ***We’re creating massive covert contracts and that’s biting people in the ass.*** &#x200B; **The Problem with “Dread”** Starting out with the word itself. Dread implies you are doing X which is causing a feeling of Y in your wife/LTR/girlfriend. It’s a feeling you want ***her*** to have towards you. This immediately puts you in **her** frame. You can try and rationalize it all you want but at the end of the day you’re expecting ***her*** to feel something. We now have a frame loss from the start. This may not have been the intent when the levels are written – I’m not big on figuring out intent. The patterns and writeups from tons of guys show that frame loss is the natural effect of “dread”. There are caveats against covert contracts in the levels but these caveats are offset with conflicting messages (covert contracts) and are EXTREMELY easy to overlook or ignore for new guys. **The Slippery Slope** We’ve established whose frame dread is really in (***hers***). Now we’re tumbling down a slippery slope (and not the good kind). First up are covert contracts. You think to yourself “Well, I’m at DL 5, if I just move to DL 6 then **she’ll** fuck me for sure!”. Or we may ask “what dread level are you at?” as that implies why **she** isn’t fucking you. So now we have 1) a frame loss, 2) a covert contract Since **she** isn’t fucking you (or it’s still 1-2x a week, or month, or year) you’ve pulled out the ~~spreadsheet~~ scoreboard in your head. You are highlighting the days we fucked in green in my head. Giving them a rating of 1 (starfish) to 10 (porn star). AND we will have a clock on of “it has been X days since **she** fucked me”. 1) Frame loss, 2) covert contract, 3) scoreboard **Looking at the Dread Levels** **Level 1**: Sidebar, STFU, lift (sound advice, solves 99.9% of askMRP) **Level 2:** Create a MAP (sound advice, OYS) **Level 3:** Live your own life (do what you want, when you want? Cool sounds good) **Level 4:** Begin conditioning your availability to your wife’s behavior (so if my **wife** does or doesn’t do X, I’ll do Y. Covert contract) **Level 5:** Dress better, lead, game (pretty sound advice IF we are not expecting anything in return) **Level 6:** Become a PUA with your wife (fine, add some tools to the toolbox) **Level 7:** Get over your fear or rejection by talking to people and women (fine) **Level 8:** ~~Get back at your wife by talking to pretty women in front of her.~~ Flirt with women in front of your wife so **she** ‘wakes up’ and will fuck you. This level is really bad for that covert contract. Hell it’s in the writeup (emphasis added) >1 or 2 things will happen- probably both. **First she will lose her shit** and accuse you of all kinds of things. MAINTAIN FRAME/Amused Mastery. **You are finally getting your wife to respond**. That is the important thing- there is hope for the relationship. **Second, shortly after you get home she will probably fuck you with more passion than your honeymoon.** This is pure-play dancing monkey thinking. You’re still in Nice Guy mode. I’m going to do this and NOW **she’ll** fuck me. And when **she** doesn’t? You’ll be pissed (and then post in OYS why you weren’t pissed). Now we get into negotiating desire with extra steps: **Level 9:** Start floating the idea that if she doesn’t do X (have sex at least 2x per week based on that scoreboard of yours) then you are going to walk. **Level 10:** FMOFY (I’m going to negotiate with you – fuck me or I will leave). Cool – she’ll ramp up sex to an ‘acceptable’ IV life support drip feed to keep you happy while being a rape victim in her head. **Level 11 and 12:** Start sleeping around and then tell your wife about it… because that will show her. **Rambo and Dread** Rambo and thinking about dread goes together. Because you’re still 100% in Nice Guy covert contract mode. When your wife doesn’t respond you get ***pissed***. Like really pissed. The whole levels from 4 on are one big exercise at Ramboing. The whole levels from 7 describe a Rambo 100%. 1. I am more fit and dress better 2. It's not working 3. I’m trying to seduce my wife 4. It’s not working 5. I’m going to seduce other women 6. It's not working 7. I’m going to seduce other women in front her, THEN she’ll fuck me 8. She still isn’t fucking me – what the hell, well fuck her I’m going to TELL her this is how it will be 9. She still isn’t fucking me – well I’m going to go sleep around and then nuke it from orbit by telling her because I’m angry and want to show her what’s up. * ***If you are thinking in terms of dread, you’re doing it wrong.*** * ***If you are purposefully creating overt dread, you’re doing it wrong.*** * ***If you are talking to your wife about having sex with you, you’re doing it wrong.*** * ***If you have a thought of*** ***“getting back at her by doing X” you’re doing it wrong.*** ***What happen when dread works? A personal story*** So, you have been following the levels of dread and your wife is fucking you? Congratu-fucking-lations! Why are you still angry and unhappy then? *Because sex is not the end goal*. *Sex is great, love it - 100% recommend* but sex is not going to make one internally happy. How do I know this? Because I followed all of this and got to the point I was fucking on the regular. From 1-2x per month to 5-6x a week. Yay, celebration. But you know what? I was still fucking miserable because I was *trying* way too hard for a single goal – to get sex. Talk about a huge ass covert contract and scoreboard. I rationalized in my head that it was NOT a covert contract and I was certainly not scoreboarding. Bull fucking shit. I got pissed if **she** didn’t want sex (even if it was 100% valid). ~~I bit my tongue~~I I STFU 90% of the time, but man I held on to that resentment and it put a bid red “X” on my ~~spreadsheet~~ scorecard in my head. “I’m doing all this stuff and **she** dare reject me!”. Nice Guy – 100%. But then something really really important happened. I stopped caring. This opened up a whole lot of goals for ***ME*** but it boiled down to “**I** am going to live the life **I** want, **I’m** happy to bring someone along with me if she fits into the life ***I*** want”. My wife didn’t fit, so I moved on. Maybe she would have if I didn’t go so Rambo, maybe she wouldn’t. I don’t know… I believe she never would be what I wanted but we will never know. At the end of the day, It was all my fault as I made poor ass choices. ***So why am I so anti-dread?*** Sure, having the concept of dread floating around in my mind caused ME to do some stupid shit. Maybe it wouldn’t if written differently. But that’s not the point and comes dangerously close to me trying to excuse my failures. Nine out of ten times I see someone reference dread it’s with the covert contract mindset. This is harmful and leads men to a dead end. * “I’m going to up the dread because she’s not fucking me” * “I’m not going to up the dread because she’s fucking me” * “What level of dread are you on? Only 4? well no one she won’t fuck you” * “What level of dread should I run if she’s fucking me?” * “Can I just give the FMOFY speech so if she doesn’t fuck me I can leave?” Dread is the ultimate Nice Guy move. Instead of becoming a better YOU for YOU you’re becoming a better YOU for her. And when that doesn’t work – well you get butt hurt and pissed. Maybe a different mindset will help someone, maybe it won’t. But now I can link this post. ***What’s Good About the Levels*** So, there are some great things that are preached in the dread levels: * Take care of yourself physically * Dress well * Understand male and female polarity * Create a MAP and own your shit * Understand seduction * Talk and be friendly with everyone So, what if instead of dread we just say these are self-improvement levels. Hell, you start becoming the best **YOU** and *some* woman will fuck you. May not be your wife. And that’s ok. Call it “Saving a Low Sex Life” if you want. **The Alternative View of Thinking** Paint the things you want in the realm of things YOU can control. For instance: I will have a satisfying sex life. Then work towards that. By becoming the best YOU that will happen. Just like if you eat healthy and lift you will look better. It may not be with a *particular woman* (your wife) but it will happen. Don’t expect it from any particular person. The real key to happiness is to not give two fucks about anyone (exception are my kids, I care a lot about those little fuckers – maybe too much at times). Single fucks are ok for those close to you. Zero fucks for the rest. Be unapologetically selfish in what you want and be authentic to you. That authentic part takes a lot of ego shedding and it hurts. *Suck it up cupcake.* Here’s a 30,000 foot view of a process that is within your frame from the start: 1. Lift heavy because **YOU** care about your health and how you look 2. Read the sidebar because **YOU** know you need more information on how to grow 3. STFU for now because **YOU** know you aren’t strong enough yet to open your mouth 4. Begin exiting her frame 5. Dress better because you care about yourself and how **YOU** look 6. Be fun and talk to everyone – men and women because **YOU** don’t care what they think and it’s enjoyable 7. Flirt with your wife and other women because **YOU** find it fun and enjoyable 8. Start living in your frame by being authentic in who **YOU** are because fuck with other people think 9. Begin pushing your frame out into the world by being openly honest and authentic with those close to you. Because **YOU** don’t expect anything in return and don’t care what they think 10. Manipulate the world to the best of your ability to get what **YOU** want As a consequence of this cool and authentic new you, you’ll give your time and attention naturally to ~~women~~ people who fit into your life. It will be a consequence of being busy and living your life that will take priority over others who do not fit within it. **So Tyred, what about the Sex?** **It’s Rule 0!** I get it, new guys finding this place want the sex. It’s all about the sex… until they get far along and it’s not. When they build abundance and know the sex is going to be there, they start thinking “what else do I need to work on? why am I not happy?” So, for the new, sex focused guys: ***This progression ups your SMV to crazy levels naturally.*** ***High SMV = high attraction = sex from some woman out there.*** ***And it does it from YOUR frame*****.** ***No guarantees it’s your wife.*** Oh, and through this process you may find you like your wife. Or you may find you don’t like your wife and want to move on. Doesn’t matter – doesn’t change your view of the world or how you act (*stay plan is the go plan).* Good ~~luck~~ careful planning and owning your shit with discipline",,161,Tyred_Biggums,2020-08-25 16:11:16 marriedredpill,ig7yei,"Own Your Shit Weekly - August 25, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,22,AutoModerator,2020-08-25 08:11:01 marriedredpill,ibwxwi,"Own Your Shit Weekly - August 18, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,21,AutoModerator,2020-08-18 08:10:48 marriedredpill,i7nthg,"Own Your Shit Weekly - August 11, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,26,AutoModerator,2020-08-11 08:09:29 marriedredpill,i4s3p8,"Understanding the ""Anger Phase""","Recent events in the news remind us that anger often leads to violence, and nearly always precedes it. Among social animals, anger serves in part as a warning of impending hostility or violence, such as the anger of an Alpha male at a challenge or resistance to his dominance, or the [seemingly sudden explosive anger of a Beta male](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/c7t3f7/wife_pushing_back_after_upping_my_smv_and_holding/eshxjf3/) pushed too far ... and the threat is often sufficient to alter others' behaviors to avoid violence. Seen in this light, **anger is a subconscious social strategy which threatens hostility to get something from another without having to take further action of your own.** This understanding sheds new light on certain behaviors of beta males, including the ""anger phase"" experienced by most new initiates to the married red pill. # The anger phase as strategy to avoid personal change MRP reveals to frustrated beta males that * they could be getting much more out of their marriage or LTR, * their own failures are responsible, and * they must change themselves fundamentally to get what they want. The first message is easy and desirable to swallow, but the last is difficult and painful to digest. When the subconscious mind accepts the first but still resists the latter, it reverts to the timeless strategy of anger as a last-ditch attempt to get the desired behavior from his wife/LTR without having to make the difficult changes in himself. This is why his anger is misdirected at his wife/LTR, instead of at himself where it belongs. # Why anger won't work Use of anger as a threat of emnity or violence to coerce desired behavior from others sometimes works, which is why it's such an ingrained behavior in all of us. But the threat must be credible to be effective. It's not. Domestic violence is prohibited and punished in modern societies, so the primal threat of direct violence is largely removed. Divorce law may reduce or remove the cost of withdrawal of financial support. Loss of a husband's goodwill likely means little to the women whose self-selected husbands find themselves here. Guys end up here because they have *already* lost so much value in their wives' eyes that they're not worth her investment of better behavior (sexual or otherwise), so the implicit threat of further withdrawal of support or divorce is hardly an inducement. *Guys are here because many earlier displays of anger such as butthurt, beta outbursts of rage, and passive-aggression have already failed.* More anger won't accomplish anything beyond delaying their progress. Increasing your value in the right ways is the only path to improving your relationship (or to a better LTR with someone else). But you're here because your beta mindset has for years resisted such changes, and has instead pursued failed BP strategies (including anger), and it's not giving up that easily. *The anger phase is your inner beta's final attempt to double down on this failed strategy* before fully accepting the hard RP truth. # Getting through the anger phase The anger phase is a psychological strategy enacted by the subconscious, so it is very difficult to overcome by conscious thought or action. My hope is that through conscious understanding that its true cause is your incomplete acceptance of your full responsibility for your situation, and the necessity for difficult change in yourself to get the things you desire, you can * pass through it more quickly, * avoid further damage to your relationships in a hopeless attempt to get what you want without making difficult personal changes, * or at least consciously force yourself to get started sooner on those difficult but necessary personal changes your subconscious so desperately wants to avoid.",,67,man_in_the_world,2020-08-06 13:47:08 marriedredpill,i48vpf,"OYS Announcement: Maximize your investment. If you ain't first, you're last.","Recently the mods had a discussion if we should change the weekly OYS thread to ""contest"" mode which randomizes the comments for better distribution since people are posting on Tuesday at different times. No. You either post early on Tuesdays, and your post gets voted on and commented, or not, and you don’t get feedback. It's natural selection. This OYS thread is for you. If you care make the most use of it. I make it a habit to respond to guys more often who post early. It shows me they took the initiative to get up bright and early, are less likely to waste my time, and take it seriously. Rule 9 has also cut down on the number of ""she"" posts and reduced the average thread from 500+ responses to < 300, streamlining this machine for your use. In reality, OYS is the only thread that matters here at MRP. There are plenty of examples of men here that have accelerated their progress by taking OYS seriously and posting early and often. Get to work.",,43,HornsOfApathy,2020-08-05 16:47:54 marriedredpill,i3fisb,"Own Your Shit Weekly - August 04, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,21,AutoModerator,2020-08-04 08:24:28 marriedredpill,hzghfh,"Go Out, Test, and See Who You Are","I was having an argument with a friend the other day about raising kids. It was an interesting argument to have because of course I have two small girls 6 and 8, and he hasn't had any kids yet. Regardless, the argument was about the specific problem of what the best response would be from me as a parent if my kid asked me ""What is heaven?"". But that was just the specific case and we both knew we were arguing about the more general case of 'What do you tell a child that doesn't know the answer to something?' &nbsp; Some have heard me preach before in OYS that as a soccer coach, I firmly believe in telling my kids much more than they are able to handle at the time in the belief that even though most of the information will not stick, some remnant of knowledge, or a vague shadowy path in their head will seem a bit more familiar down the road when they actually try to access it. But also, before filling their head with all the possibilities that could be, I like to preface by asking them in return: ""What do you think heaven is?"" &nbsp; And my friend couldn't really wrap his head around this. His thoughts were that in response to a direct question, we should give a direct answer. Other examples include ""How did World War II start? How was the US found? and Were dinosaurs real?"" And this argument expanded on the notion of whether to tell kids the answer directly or not, to include whether we ourselves knew with absolute certainty all the facts of history, or whether the accounts of those events told to us were simply the stories and narratives that history eventually passed down, and we simply took blind faith in. And that we have a propensity to put what we were told up on a pedestal of truth just because we were told it because...no one would tell us something that couldn't be entirely true, or that maybe had other explanations and interpretations that would benefit us right? &nbsp; We both argued that there could have absolutely been a shooter on the grassy knoll...but he for some reason couldn't understand why we would tell an inquiring mind that, rather than simply telling them about Lee Harvey Oswald. He couldn't understand why a growing mind would benefit most from the **doubt** about what seemed like empirical fact, rather than simply being told the rigid facts themselves. And further to understand that humans are capable of doubt, and can find that doubt empowering enough to make a decision or guess about what the right answer might be to ""what is heaven"" ourselves. &nbsp; Going along with this thought process then, I've also said that as a father nothing makes me prouder than watching my child face a problem, and sitting back and saying nothing and watching them tackle it. &nbsp; Specific case in point: I was on the beach one vacation not too long ago, and my older daughter and I were playing together in the sand. She became more and more distracted, looking over at a family next to us playing in the surf. At one point she stopped altogether and stared and I, as I'm sure we all have coming from that all too anxious situation involving social approach, knew what was going through her head at that moment. But I said nothing, as my kid asked me nothing. She contemplated to herself for a minute, likely sorting through those emotions in her head, feeling the feelings in her body, thinking about past experiences, successes, and failures. I in that instance felt butterflies in my stomach knowing what significance this moment held. Then she started walking in the direction of the kids of this family, walked up to a girl a few years older than her, and said ""Hi, my name is ____"". And needless to say my heart exploded with pride as they began to play together. &nbsp; What is all this saying? I'm saying that everyone came here to this sub because they were asking a question. ""Why won't my wife have sex with me?"" And here they can find a variety of answers from a sidebar full of texts, recommended videos, and notes we all leave around. And from this we can develop and grow our mind in the possibilities of the dynamics that marriages, relationships, and even our own selves work off of. However it is important not to forget about that aspect of **doubt**, the possibility that there could be a twist either we as a group or us as a person need in order to form *our own* mission and reach *our own* vision. To remember not to pedestalize what we're being told just because we're being told it. &nbsp; I'm saying when you are ready, and you're staring at that something you want...when your vision of your future takes hold, and you sort through those emotions, and feel those feelings, and think about past experiences, successes, and failures; that instead of turning and asking your father ""How do I go say hi to that girl?"", you simply begin to walk in the direction of what you want. When you are ready, take the mental models you've formed in MRP out into life. See how they fare when it's you and your models alone. Moreso, when you are ready, I recommend everyone take leave of MRP for an extended period of time. Experience the challenges of life without having a mass of men, knowledge, and *validation* of your mental models through their notes. It wasn't long ago before the age of the internet when most men *were* on their own to figure their own life out for themselves. And though shared knowledge has its advantages, it's main disadvantage is trying to take the amalgamation of all knowledge and force a single ""right"" way out of it. &nbsp; Tribal societies used to do this as a right of passage for growing boys. Sending them into the forest without the support given to them from the village throughout their childhood. Alone, on their own, they would be forced out into nature to come face to face with a reality made entirely of themselves, and the world. Some would even give psychedelic substances to those kids so that they would become one with that nature around them, to distort or throw into doubt the engrained models *their own* society gave them, and to find a spirit animal, a force unique to them, to guide them. They knew that even their teachings could be corrupt, that the individual not only had their own vision within them, but that these visions were capable of coming back to teach the developed hive mind of the village something new. &nbsp; I commented recently that we've spent most of our lives in a state of social reinforcement, rarely ever going it alone ourselves long enough to forge an identity based on validation derived from within. No wonder everyone is so lost nowadays. No wonder shame and morality are created and thrust upon us socially and seem to be the driving force behind everything from politics to gender dynamics to marriage and relationships. It's those that have now seen the power that social pressure has, and they're using it as a tool against individuals devoid of frame. A society based on social pressure by those in power will inevitably divide and conquer until utterly destroying itself from within. And you can even see this with factions of Red Pill segregating and demonizing each other for not having the correct socially accepted belief. At some point though you have to realize that society is a construct made to help support individual lives. But those lives and the internal locus that drives them are developed from within. Without that, society becomes a hollow simulation of itself. There are a lot of guys who post in OYS week after week voicing the same doubt about where to find the answer to their individual sense of guidance. It isn't in here. It's with *you*, in *your* life. But you have to go into that path alone, with the knowledge of what you've gained here, to find the true path yourselves. &nbsp; And I cant believe I have to say it but I know I have to, because some people cant even take 10 minutes out of their lives without LARPing something as simple as meditation. But the point when doing this isn't simply to check the box and say ""I didn't go on MRP for 6 months! I'm enlightened!"" But it's to gather the pieces of who you are and what you've learned, and wholeheartedly go into the world as a test to yourself about how that holds up. It's not only seeing how life really plays out and how you're impacted when you put what you've learned here to the test in real life, but also to carry a healthy amount of **doubt** about whether those results you see are taking you in the direction you want to go. Because the sweet sweet taste of validation from this locker room is an enticing siren that can continually push you to act in a certain way day to day, and week to week. But only those who dont completely lack frame, introspection, and a vision could take a journey on the order of multiple months or a year without drinking from that fountain. As a father, I will die one day. When that happens, I want my daughter to be able to forge her own path guided by a force within her, and a healthy amount of doubt, which I helped her to grow and realize. If MRP died tomorrow, would you be able to do the same?",,77,[deleted],2020-07-28 15:17:31 marriedredpill,hzavqw,"Own Your Shit Weekly - July 28, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,13,AutoModerator,2020-07-28 08:24:24 marriedredpill,hz4ju1,A letter to my BIL,"I’m won’t beat about the bush: I heard she hit you. Broke your glasses. Story of your life these days. Ya got two kids. One on the way. Are they even fucking yours? You work forty hours a week. Commute fifteen hours. You take the kids when you’re back. You have no fucking life. No friends. What. The. Fuck. I heard you slept in your car for a week? You live at your mom’s now with the kids? The fuck is she doing in the new house you bought her? And you want to know how to use Meetup?? Didn’t you tell me you actually thought of hurting yourself because of the stress of that mortgage and your life? So what, you can’t move? You can’t live abroad? Change your career? But why exactly? You would rather be dead than do any of that? You are 35 man. What can you do? Kick that bitch out. What would you actually miss about that relationship? Like literally: what facet of your life could conceivably be less well off if you left? You think the kids benefit from growing up around... that? You’d rather, what? Hang your self? Than tell your mom you got a divorce? If a guy mugged you, wouldn’t you agree to divorce to prevent a bullet in the face? Better yet: if a 20 yo smoke show did it, would you? So you have to date? No matches on Bumble: cut your fucking hair. Don’t want to fuck a fat bitch: lower your standards. No time for dates: fucking work less. Shat yourself on the first date you had with SBXW... well fuck. Just don’t do that again. Jesus motherfuckers. PSA: do not. I repeat: DO NOT. Consign yourself to a life of fucking misery over some girl that gave your tummy butterflies in college. Do not. Repeat: DO NOT. Fucking kill your self to prove a point to people. Why? Nobody fucking cares. No slow cap as you and your katana blade are cremated, your ashes scattered across the bay from a single fedora to the tune of “leaves from the vine”. I know at least two fuckers that wouldn’t shed a tear. I personally do not care about you and I’m glad I got to tell you that before you kill yourself. But maybe I’m wrong, maybe it’s a terrible tragedy...",,42,[deleted],2020-07-28 00:35:45 marriedredpill,hv3omy,"Own Your Shit Weekly - July 21, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,24,AutoModerator,2020-07-21 08:24:26 marriedredpill,hsnp1c,How to Handle a Compliment,"From a recent OYS: >Got some IOIs from friend's LTRs, commenting on my looks, past achievements, flirting a bit, asking lots of questions, comparing their LTRs to me, etc. This made me uncomfortable... Not sure how to handle these situations best. I try to downplay, deflect, ignore, boundary, and prop up my bros. It's like I'm on the other end of a shit test/hypergamy and noticing this annoys (probably cause that is what my STBXW used to do). At some point in your journey, perhaps before you pass the [Epic Test](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/f70l7g/your_womans_most_wonderful_gift_the_epic_test/) becoming your own mental point of origin where everyone else is noticing your changes and how good you're starting to look - perhaps even your new mental outlook - you're going to get complimented on it. Probably by your wife's friends. Or coworkers. Or your mommy. Autists here fear that if they accept the compliment it's going to feed their ego or dancing monkey. Or they're so fucking beta they have never gotten a compliment before. So they mentally reject it. When given a compliment you have two choices: accept it or reject it. Guess what happens if you don't accept it? Inside you self-deprecate, and everyone reads through it. **Iron Rule of Tomassi #9** >*Never Self-Deprecate under any circumstance. This is a Kiss of Death that you self-initiate and is the antithesis of the Prize Mentality.* > >*Self-Depreciation is a misguided tool for the AFC, and not something that would even occur to an Alpha.* So the next time someone - perhaps even your own woman - gives you a compliment, you have permission to deal with it in two ways: * Say thank you and continue the conversation if there is one. STFU. * Be authentically masculine in response with -zero- fucks given no matter if the person is a dude or a girl. ""*Oh your arms are looking bigger, Larper McFaggot. Have you been lifting weights?*"".... Your response: ""Of course I have - how am I going to pin my next girl down to the bed 50 shades style?"" or or some other non-autist AA/AM funny response\*.\* Because that shit is *funny* to talk about and harmless. The key? Authenticity to who you are. Who gives a fuck if it's your buddy's wife? It's just a compliment. Fuck, game her if you want after she opens the door. When she's fucking him but thinking of you later, he'll have a good time. Your little secret, ok? Or if it's your woman? Same rules apply. Personally, I prefer to game. When people compliment you with authenticity, they are usually playing the nice card or being vulnerable. Don't turn their vulnerability against them by being a retard. You're not measuring yourself against it. You're already the prize. Least you can say is thank you.",,72,HornsOfApathy,2020-07-17 02:35:42 marriedredpill,hqxq69,"Own Your Shit Weekly - July 14, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,21,AutoModerator,2020-07-14 08:24:26 marriedredpill,hmgdcg,"How I Communicate Now, Without Words","# First, it’s worth mentioning that this is what I used to do: I used to talk. A lot. I would talk to my woman about things that she did that bothered me, upset me, or made me sad. I would get butthurt and sometimes *not* talk to her for the same reasons. I communicated to my woman like a woman. I let my emotions control me. Like a woman. I would tell her that I was unhappy about the amount of sex that we had. I would talk to her about how I felt close to her when we had physical intimacy. I would talk to her about the vision of our future – but never actually *do* anything. I would talk about our kids and their behaviors – but never actually *do* anything. I was all talk. I talked too fucking much. Go read some of my early OYS posts. I talked too fucking much back then too. Then I learned to STFU. If you’re not Shutting. The. Fuck. Up. in the beginning, you are doing it wrong. Recently a new MRPer came in and I gave him this advice after he though he passed a shit test: >*I want you to try something.* > >*For the next week, be nice. But don't say a god damned fucking word about anything other than logistics. Shit test? STFU. Comfort test? STFU. Just be a goddamned fucking autistic fuck about it. Ok? Just SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP.* > >*Because just when you might pass a shit test by shutting the fuck up you open your little faggot mouth and fail it with this shit. Fucking hell man. Shut the fuck up.* > >*It's only a week. And she is going to shit test you harder. Just shut the fuck up when it happens. Be a fucking robot for a week. Fuck!* > >*And if you can't do it for me or you, do it for her because clearly everything you do is already for her. It should be easy!* > >*After a week you'll know what STFU really looks like. No champagne, no retarded responses, no bringing up the lack of sex. You need to train that little cock sucking mouth of yours to stay shut. Do it.* I gave him this advice because I know that even when I was trying to STFU, I wasn’t really doing so. I’d get almost to the STFU finish line that would create dread or stoic frame and then my cock-sucking mouth would open again about something faggoty and… oh boy… here it comes. Faggot speak. I’m sad. I’m worried. I’m lonely. Can you hold my little fee-fees? We need to be doing this or that. Let’s get a plan together to do it. What. The. Actual. Fuck. That’s not leading. That’s talking. &#x200B; # Learning to STFU is an absolute art you must learn. If you listen hard enough there is usually a message in there. Sometimes the hidden womanese message is “you’re a faggot”… and sometimes it is “I just want to blabber on about random shit that’s going on in my life and take up your time to talk about it because it makes me feelz valuable to have a man I look up to and respect listen to me.” I write consistently here at MRP about how learning *when* to open your mouth is the next step. Plenty of posts here about how to do this. Go read them. How do you learn to STFU? By shutting the fuck up. What I want to talk about is how I STFU now, way past all those faggoty things that wouldn’t dare come out of my mouth because if they did I would punch myself in the dick as they became audible. This is artful STFU. STFU goes way beyond shit tests for me now. At this point in my own journey, it is all pretty much second nature. In fairness I probably get shit tested a lot more often than I realize. Passing shit tests just becomes who you are as a man. At first you really care about them, but after developing Outcome Independence and Abundance Mentality, it changes your entire outlook on giving a shit about them – because you just don’t fucking care anymore. At some point you will start to see them for they are… they are just woman things. *And that is the GOAL of shit tests.* *To never actually and congruently give a fuck.* In fact, you start to not notice them at all. How can you even notice something you don’t give a shit about? And this will lead to comfort tests – which rear their heads very wildly like a rogue wave on the feminine ocean – and I am VERY aware of still to this day. You can’t miss them. Those? You can enjoy passing those. There is something about a woman needing to feel validated that reminds me how fragile and feminine they can be. A little kiss on the forehead and “you’re cute, babe” is like having magical powers where she is reminded that she was chosen by the prize, again. You. &#x200B; # Styles of Communication I know of: In my time here I’ve seen two primary ways from most men with how they communicate to their women. I’ve touched on it before, but I write often about a third way – which in PM I think both u/InChargeMan and I attempt, using the D/s dynamic as a vehicle of that communication preference. **Communication Preference #1 – Overt Communication (Direct Physical)** A user here who can speak more to this style is u/red-sfpplus . He wrote a post about how [he hates covert tests](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/fagoab/same_game_different_devils/) – particularly comfort tests. He rarely communicates covertly, with a preference to directly communicate overtly. He would say something like “*I like it when you wear a buttplug at the grocery store. It turns me on and makes me happy.*” Although overt and direct in style, this type of communication is covertly reminding her that he has the established sway of power in the relationship, although not his responsibility to maintain, and makes a suggestion through communication on a way for her to add value. **Communication Preference #2 – Open & Honest Communication (Expressive Emotional)** u/Blarg_Risen wrote a [whole post](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/fawj6j/communication_doesnt_workor_maybe/) on how he uses this type of communication in his relationship. He would communicate to his woman “I need physical affection” and understanding that there is zero convert contract with that statement and it does not contain “*I expect… and if you don’t…*” He understands that it’s clearly defined that he is a high value man and chooses to live in the vulnerability of expressing himself with communication freely and allowing his woman to make a choice. I believe he uses this method to make a suggestion to her that she chooses him every time when it could affect the relationship which is her responsibility and choose a way to add value. **Communication Preference #3 – Hybrid Cerebral (Direct Physical and Expressive Emotional)** This is what I really want to dig into with examples. My preference is somewhere between the polarity of Blarg and Red. I want both. I want to be able to deeply communicate my feelings and thoughts *without words* but with actions and no covert contracts - thus, I've created a dynamic that allows me to do both*.* I've chosen the medium of that to be D/s, where I can simply look at my woman in such a way, say nothing, and she feelz through that and into me knowing my truth. That's communication on a spiritual level for me as we read into and through each other with as little words as possible. So in other words, I have a preference for a communication style that roots in the cardinal rule of SHUT THE FUCK UP. u/weakandsensitive wrote a post titled “[Talking – why you shouldn’t do it and why you sometimes should](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/51pfvj/talking_why_you_shouldnt_do_it_and_why_you/)” which encapsulates the very communication style that I have employed with my woman. All the more reason to STFU. I use body language and intonation through *intuition* and trusting my core masculine “gut reaction”, then making a choice whatever it is I want to do afterwards. With that in mind, here are a few examples of how I’ve used this preference of communication before: * If she's been a little bitchy I may let it slide a little and STFU to see if this was a need for her to get some feelz out, but if she is a little bitchy again, I will probably shoot her a terrible scowl that she *probably* doesn't deserve in a non-D/s dynamic and would be considered over the top. I push myself and thoughts into her as if to say ""Look, you know I've got all the cards here. Do you really want to do this, sweet little wife?"" This immediately lets her know she has not pleased me. No words spoken. * If we are in public and she does something that isn't in the frame she wants to live in (mine) - even in a crowded room full of friends - a simple smile at her and rubbing my fingers across her day collar sends her gentle communication that I desire her to return into her submissive frame. She will smile back, realize the mistake, and we move on. No words spoken. * Once in a store she yelled at me because she was anxious about something completely unrelated. She wishes to overcome her anxiety issues. She immediately knew she fucked up. We got back the car and she handed me her panties for the rest of the day as a sign of personal submission. No words spoken. * If I ever ""punish"" her (again, remember the D/s dynamic), it only means removing my time/attention/approval in various ways. Some Doms choose to punish physically... that's not really my thing... instead I choose to take away her *ability* to please me which is enough. This is all done overtly covert. I tell her she has been bad, then actions speak afterwards. I have better shit to do than spend time with a wife that gets out of line. She can if she wants to - but I don't have to deal with it. If the D/s dynamic has become a little broken (which it does at times - it ebbs and flows), I will employ a more severe removal of my time and attention or manufacture drama on purpose to create a shit test, which I will pass, lovingly, and reestablish the dynamic. Conversely, here's some about when things go well: * She tried to make a new meal, and was anxious about it. I let her remain anxious throughout and knew she sought my approval. Instead, I gave my approval with a good, hard fucking instead of a ""thank you this was good"" which is what she really needed. This creates the roller coaster of feelz. No words spoken. * For V-day this year she wrote me a card, made a great dinner, asked to blow me 4x during the day, and planned an in-home date-night complete with a full massage for me. I wanted her to know how joyful this made me, so I made time for her the next day for 6 hours just to hold her and provide comfort. No words spoken. * She fixed her hair different than normal. From across the room I looked at it - it looked great! It brought joy to me. I kept looking at her, feeling through her, and looking at her hair. She says, ""oh do you like my hair? Does it make you happy?"" I just smile. No words spoken. Overall, this is all very psychological and spiritual. She reads into me. I read into her. But overall? It's all game. It's game, fellas. I'm constantly gaming my woman. Now, I could just come out and say all this to her, sure. *The meal is great!* *You were so thoughtful on V-day.* *Your hair looked amazing.* But it would NOT have the same effect of allowing her hamster to do all the heavy lifting, which helps me accomplish my goal of bringing her to a more submissive state to where the communication becomes more and more subliminal over time with rewarding the hamster with cheese on a successful exit (that’s usually cock, btw). That way, we both can freely live in word-less communication feeling through each other and our respective needs. That is what I'm trying to accomplish. Her highest need is to be desired and ravished by a high value man. My highest need is to have a valuable ally on my journey. I believe that this style of communication fulfills my desire to understand all 4 quadrants of the [Johari Window](https://www.communicationtheory.org/the-johari-window-model/) about myself by destroying my ego, and understanding all of hers through her vulnerability. She desires to use me as her captain for the destruction of that ego and exposing to her the parts of herself that prevent her from being that valuable ally on my journey. u/InChargeMan and I have traded notes on this method of actualization before and I think he is right that this type of communication provides a basis of achieving that nearly impossible objective. It gets infinitely harder the closer you get. So yeah, it kind of reads like a bunch of cerebral telepathy going on, I know. But I am here to report that this type of communication is very possible because I live it everyday. I am a magician. Not an *actual* magician with ESP reading thoughts, but one attempting to harnessing all aspects of spiritual, psychological, and biological pieces at once. Only part of communication is the message delivered and then the interpretation of that message by the recipient. I don't make the hamster maze too complicated and I make for an easy exit. I use overt communication when I have a preference or need that I am unable to convey in this way. “I would like for you to cook tonight instead of us going out like planned, babe.” She will find a couple of options and ask for a preference. If I don’t have a preference after giving Direct communication, I just look at her. I tell her with my *thoughts* and STFU that IDGAF. Pull her into me. Smile. “Ok, I’ll make this one. I think you would like that better tonight, Horns.” Do I really care which one she picked? Not really. If I did I would have said so. It’s not like I can pick Chicken Parmesan over Beef Wellington with my mind and communicate that. But if I let her *believe* that she made the right choice by ravishing her later that night it *encourages and trains her* to take initiative to please me through positive feedback loops (again – Cerebral but a different way). This is the outcome that I desire, as Blarg does by asking his woman to choose him. Teach your woman how to use a bucket so that she will put the fires out herself just to add value to your journey. I never settle on outcomes. I sometimes have preferences, sometimes not. I’m never afraid to communicate directly what I want if necessary, but mostly? I just STFU. # # How do I respond to Shit Tests now? Usually, I STFU. I know that shit tests happen because my wife wants to get back to her submissive frame by bumping up against my masculine frame. As these happen I don’t respond back with a witty AA, AM, STFU, or Fogging… I look into her, not saying anything (hey, STFU!), projecting the Dominant frame of the two of us *through her* and she understands that **she has bumped against my frame and she feels this.** It is all very cerebral with no words… and there is zero anger in this process. This is more of a statement “*Are you sure you want to do that my sweet little wife?* *Because if you want to play that game, I have all the cards.* *And I know I can take you upstairs to prove it.*” Sometimes if she is really out of line, I use Direct Physical communication: “You need to check your bitch attitude right now”. Sometimes if she is really out of line, I use Expressive Emotional communication: “I need a more joyful wife to be around.” But mostly? I just STFU. And look at her. And she feelz it. And sometimes if she is *really* out of line, I take her upstairs and fuck the bitch out of her. Pretty wild to say that, but anger fucking hits her right in the feelz. Maybe the hamster is afraid that I might be out there fucking other women or I am doing something that might make me a faggot. Or some weird woman reason that I don’t give a fuck about. Who cares? She needs to feel her man. That? I don’t mind doing for her. I do love her afterall. My method is to STFU and show her by giving it to her where it counts. # # Transitioning this communication style to the bedroom: I’ve already written how to transition women [into the bedroom if you have a depressive and anxious wife](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/c06qfe/depressive_and_anxious_wives_transformation_and/), and it still applies, but this timely post in r/askMRP asking [how to praise a woman](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/hmd749/how_to_show_praise_over_progress/) caught my attention. Remember how I said that I shut the fuck up most of the time? What if she is doing something that I like instead of something I dislike? Praise, always praise. The feminine grows through praise. But how do I praise her with the communication method that I use? Well, I praise her with me. My cock. A lay on my chest. A squeeze from behind. My body. My imagination in the bedroom. Am I score-boarding? No. When she tries a new recipe, wears a sexy new dress, finds a way to flirt with me that gets me excited, or fixes her hair differently it invokes within my masculine core an attraction to the value that she brings to my life and at the center of that core is a spark of genuine desire. It is ignited with my acceptance of her gift, I embrace it, and fuel it so that it may grow. I choose to both accept her gift of doing something to seek praise, and I give to her freely my own cerebral thoughts, my core, unsaid, often in the form of a good ravishment. My woman’s ultimate desire is to be chosen by a high value man over and over. Learn to praise your woman without words. Enjoy the discovery of unique ways to praise her covertly that originate from your own desire to do so. Watch her blossom into a woman that will crawl through glass to get a taste of that praise – and give it to her *just freely enough* from your own abundance that she knows there is always one more taste. One more drop. Rarely do I open my mouth to tell her I like the things she does. Mostly I STFU. Instead I covertly provide those feelz to her in the form of my own sexual desire and imagination. I am the prize, and her greatest source of validation. We’re both playing the long game. Gotta let her win sometimes.",,175,HornsOfApathy,2020-07-06 20:58:07 marriedredpill,hmqmhz,"Own Your Shit Weekly - July 07, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,13,AutoModerator,2020-07-07 08:24:26 marriedredpill,hk312s,FR - Breaking and fixing your shit.,"After my divorce, I stayed in the marital home. It didn't really bother me, but at the same time it was a lot of space I didn't need. Last summer I started to look at Bachelor Pads in the downtown areas of Dallas, cause hey - I am a single 40 year old HVM. Might as well get out of suburbia. After I met Fitchick things went well, and I was less motivated to move. In Nov of last year I invited her and her kids to spend a week with me (she had been spending every day and night with me) to see how it would go. That week turned permanent. I justified it because there was no ""financial cost"" to me. I already had the 4 bedroom house with pool, in my name only, but I was also in love and foolish. So I broke a few red pill rules and overall best practices. Most of them were in regards to red flags, and un-necessary baggage. Taking a women in is one thing. Taking her and her 20, 18 and 13 year old boys? **Idiotic**. But I was in love. The main rule I broke is Iron Rule of Tomassi #4. It states: **NEVER under any circumstance live with a woman you aren’t married to or are not planning to marry in within 6 months.** In previous OYS posts I talked about how I had the cards stacked in my favor for what would eventually happen today. Due to being foolish and so deeply in love (and quite franking still am) I was willing to overlook these red flags, but at the same time I was at least smart enough to have an exit strategy. As the months grew on, I started to realize the complete mess I put myself in with her kids. I was becoming trapped. Not with her - that part was great, it was her fucking kids. With in 120 days of them moving in, I saw the writing on the wall. It was not going to last. I made up my mind back in June, it just took me 30 days to find my balls. We had talked about this before, and there several instances which led to several discussions about these plans, then this weekend had a trigger event. Before I communicated the plan with no commitment date. Today I applied a commitment date. Today I sat down with her and restructured our relationship as follows, because I am still a fool in love and this is better for me: I am putting the house on the market and plan to sell it in the next 60 days. I will be moving into more than likely ""this"" condo - (a condo she has actually seen before). I would like you to find an apartment for you and the boys very close to where I am so you are able to still come over as much as you want. The condo and associated costs will be ""mine"" your apartment and associated costs will be ""yours and the boys"". I am willing to continue a 1:1 dedicated, monogamous relationship and we can treat the condo as ""ours"" in every way other than legally. But I am not longer willing to support your children. So far? After the initial blow up and crying on her part, I have stood my ground. ""I will change, the boys will change"" are weapons which were used before which now have no impact on me. But also - she is a woman with no options other than to follow what I say. She could easily move out, dump me and whatever. At this point, I don't care but I don't think that will happen. Ego? Or just knowledge that she can easily be replaced? At 4pm the realtor will be here, and she has been looking at apartments literally within 2 miles of the condo I plan to move into. This time, the plan will be executed. Still, by a fool in love. Today I finally admitted my mistakes to myself, and that I am more important than anyone, its time to take my ball back and that she now has a choice. Go with my plan and have a relationship with me, one that over time would likely lead back to full time co-habitation, or not have me at all. But I am no longer willing to accept your ""package"" deal of ""my kids and I."" Secret is - she knows who the prize is. Stay tuned faggots.",,63,red-sfpplus,2020-07-02 18:58:45 marriedredpill,hk3ct4,[New Rule] Rule 11: Failure to Maintain Standards,"On the whole, this MRP subreddit values quality and our ability to be a value add to one another through both positive and negative means. This is why I say the weekly Own Your Thread is the only thread that matters. It's where all the actual work is being done. The culture here is defined by the individual contributors. In general, we want to see other men succeed - but we do not have any time or patience for free loaders or men who aren't putting in their own efforts. We don't really care if any particular man succeeds or fails. As I like to put it, I'm here to laugh at you while you fail over and over again. The expectation is that any post going to MRP is intended to add value to the reader. However, sometimes we have posts that are low quality and low value. As a community, we know that these posts aren't any good because by the time a moderator comes by, there will be reports or comments pointing the poster to r/askMRP. The fact that these exist indicates that we as a community understand the type of quality and content we expect to see. **But there are some of you...** ... some of you that will actually engage this low quality, low value content in an effort to help the poster out, whether that's out of charity or some other reason. This is especially true the few times the poster claims to be a woman. This is bad. So this new rule is targeted at you guys. >**Rule 11: Failure to Maintain Standards** >At MRP, we expect our community to engage where there is mutual value add. You've tried add value to someone who's made a low quality, low value, low effort post. Why would you do that? This behavior only serves to encourage poor behavior - and at MRP, we don't want to encourage poor behavior. (Default ban: 3 days). The point here is that we don't want to encourage people to make low value, low effort posts. Acceptable responses might be ridicule, toxicity, hostility, pointing to askMRP, etc. But being helpful and putting in a disproportionate amount of effort to someone who's barely even trying? Nope. It's important to have self respect and standards.",,21,[deleted],2020-07-02 19:15:52 marriedredpill,hij900,"Own Your Shit Weekly - June 30, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,25,AutoModerator,2020-06-30 08:24:24 marriedredpill,hh570p,A how to guide to owning your shit,"**A how to guide to owning your shit** So you've come across MRP and have decided that you want to be involved. There are two parts to MRP that matter: * The sidebar; and * Weekly OYS thread The order is no accident. Read the sidebar before you think about posting on the OYS thread. There’s a better than even chance that you’ll get banned on your first post if you’ve not spent at least a month or two reading. Imagine sucking so much that you can’t even properly tell people how much you suck without getting banned. I’m not going to give you a formula, mostly because I don’t care for them. This is about how not to make shit posts. There are a ton of people writing about stuff that doesn't matter, and very few people writing about what does matter. &nbsp; **Why post?** /u/weakandsensitive said it best: >This forum exists because we want all men to succeed. >This forum also exists to make sure effort is focused towards men who are actually going to succeed - not those who are going to waste people's time with whiny bullshit. If you don't think is appropriate, feel free to go to any of the ask*, relationship advice, or dead bedroom forums that exist throughout Reddit. The purpose of the OYS thread is for you to... you guessed it, own your shit. Determine where you want to go, determine how you want to get there, and then do it. *Your OYS post should be about you, for you, and about shit that matters.* It's not your counselling service. It's not your life coach. It's not your guide, your best friend, or your wife. You write shit, and if you're lucky, people may decide to point out how you're lying to yourself or whatever. But write about you. Don't ask us to tell you where you should be aiming, what you should do, or how to live. It's your fucking life, figure out what you want to do. The whole point is to find where you may be going wrong, come up with ways to correct those mistakes and improve. Figure out what you want out of life, and detail how you're faring. Judge yourself, expose your weaknesses and blind spots. Hold yourself up to your own standard and compare yourself against it. It's all of those things. You are responsible for your own change. No-one is going to give you a step by step guide on how to do it. No-one is going to give you an attaboy. It's on you. It can be useful to you if you actually stick to it, remain accountable to yourself, and tell the fucking truth. Or you could waste your time. It's on you. If you’re going to do it, do it properly. Reasons to post an OYS: * To process your thoughts on your own progress, areas that may be blind spots, and what you're doing to overcome them. * To talk about shit that matters Reasons not to post an OYS: * Because you want feedback from others * To outsource decision making * So that you’ll be ‘kicked’ back into line * For validation of a decision you made * You want to be accountable to MRP * To share your story with everyone * To talk about shit that doesn't matter **What to post** Post about shit that matters if this isn't already abundantly clear. In terms of formatting, its up to you. You want a shitload of subheadings, dot points and other shit? Good for you. Want to have a consistent formula that covers the main aspects of your life every week? Great. Want to just write whatever you care about right now? No worries. In terms of content, its up to you. You want to focus on how you landed a big sale this week? Groovy. You’re focusing on lifting this week? Cool. Want to talk about what you got out of reading one of the sidebar books? Go ahead. Just make sure it actually fucking matters. It has to be about you. Your post should be filled with I statements. I did this, then I did that, and I felt like this, and I decided that I wasn't happy about that so I did this in response. That's your frame. **What not to post** [Anything that breaks Rule 9 and 10.](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/df0oxb/oys_posts_are_for_you_to_own_your_shit_not_to/?ref=share&ref_source=link) > If you can't get her to write her about her mindset, focus on the shit that you can control, which are your mindset, thoughts, and actions. Because honestly, I don't give a fuck about her -- and I especially don't give a fuck about your mental representation of her. OYS is for you, by you -- but don't waste your own time and the reader's time focusing on 1) shit you can't control, and 2) shit that ultimately doesn't matter. >Common theme 2 is how you guys write about your sex life with your wife. And the way you guys are approaching this is from a scarcity mindset. Many guys as writing as if your wife is the gatekeeper to sex. In a world with 8+ billion people, this is patently not true. Your wife is only the gatekeeper of sex with her. >If you've made the choice that you're only going to have sex with your wife. That's on you. That's your personal decision. You need to very much own it. And as a result, when she doesn't fuck you -- you don't get to complain, because you've put yourself in that position. You don't get to lock yourself in a cage, and complain about being locked in a cage. >If you think that because you're doing all this self improvement, your wife should WANT to fuck you. Again, you're wrong. We've stated repeatedly that MRP has nothing to do with your wife -- and that doing this for your wife to fuck you is the worst covert contract you'll have. You have NO say in what she does or how she reacts. None. She is free to make whatever choice she wants. Just because you do the work, doesn't mean she's going to want to fuck you. All it means that someone will probably fuck you, maybe, but if you're locking yourself in a cage by your own choice, you don't get to bitch. Most people who start posting are generally after one thing: More sex with your wife. Rather than me telling you why that is dumb, refer to the [Dancing Monkey Attraction Program](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/74yepr/the_dancing_monkey_attraction_improvement/?ref=share&ref_source=link). Hopefully this saves you the hassle, but you'll probably still fuck it up anyway. Things you shouldn't post about: * Your wife. * Your wife's responses to what you're doing. * Your wife's thoughts and problems. * Shit that is outside of your control. If you can’t control it, why talk about it. * Woe is me. No-one cares that you're life sucks if you're not doing anything to improve it. * How much of a victim you are. Life keeps happening to you, but you don’t happen to life. Sounds tough. * She focused narratives * Shit that doesn't matter * MRP lingo bingo - stop trying so hard to use 'MRP' terms to make it sound like you get it. A good tip is to do a ctrl-f search for 'she' and 'her' before you put it up. If it's glowing in yellow, then you've fucked it. **Feedback** You are not owed feedback on your post. If you don’t get feedback, its probably because: * It's not really that interesting * Your post is shit because you didn’t actually do anything * There’s not much to say * Because it’s Reddit and people have better things to do. If you do get feedback, spend some time thinking about it before you mash the reply button. Keep your ego under control. If a reply makes you angry, there’s a good chance its right on the fucking money, so maybe think about that before you throw back some ego-riddled bullshit. You may find upon reflection that there was a blind spot that you hadn’t considered. Good. That means you might actually make progress. It’s also possible that you don’t agree with what someone has said. Cool. Shut up about it. What a great opportunity to practice frame control and STFU by, you know, shutting the fuck up. Wow, now you're implementing techniques at the same time! *Take what is useful to you in the replies and leave the rest.* In fact, that's good advice for life. Take what is useful to you, leave the rest. Don’t forget, you’re giving a brief summary of events, the nuances are unlikely to come through. Nor do they need to, because again, nobody cares. Feel free to expand upon things in your replies if you think its necessary. But mostly, nobody cares. And for fucks sake, don't be a little bitch. Don't gush when you get kicked down. Shit like 'thank you for owning me' is just embarrassing to read. Don't thank people for exposing that you're a faggot. Think about it, digest it and find out where you're going wrong. If you want to provide feedback, make sure you actually know what the fuck you're talking about and have some experience in the exact thing you're replying to. **First posts** Ah yes, the first OYS post. You're nervous. Who knows what those big mean men are going to say about you (Hot tip, it doesn't matter, we're just retards on the internet). Before you make your first post, spend some time looking through the weekly threads over the past few weeks. My only advice is again the same: Write for you. Write about shit that matters. Own your problems, don't try to blame your life on someone or something else. Your first post is mostly going to be shit because you've just started. That's ok, as long as the focus is you. [Here is an example of a good first post](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/eyn0ea/own_your_shit_weekly_february_04_2020/fgir4tq/) Why is it a good post? Because despite the fact he's a mess, he owns that fact. Look at the 'I' statements. Look at the 'she' statements. He realises where he is in life is his fault, not his wife, or his dog or whatever. [Here is an example of a shit first post](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/el8s8z/own_your_shit_weekly_january_07_2020/fdjpyrm/) This is shit because he sees himself as a victim. Life happens to him. There are plenty more examples of shit first posts - however, most people slink away and delete them straight after. Look at the weekly OYS thread and you'll see it time and time again. **Regular posts** Once you get into a rhythm, you should have consistent areas that you're working on. Usually this revolves around reading, fitness, mental models, career and finance. It can be whatever you want it to be, but these are a reasonable place to start. Don't turn these into a checklist of things that you tick every week, or some [dumb grading system](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/ev2trz/own_your_shit_weekly_january_28_2020/fftj0s7/). Again, post about shit that actually matters. Don't fill your post with a load of things you say you're 'going to do'. You aren't 'going to do' shit, so don't bother writing it. If you want an idea on the mindset you should have, here's a few examples of good posts from people who are putting in the work weekly: * [DirtyNuke] (https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/heas7a/own_your_shit_weekly_june_23_2020/fvq74jn/) * [RedBackedBadger] (https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/gzizl4/own_your_shit_weekly_june_09_2020/ftgiar1/) * [Ancient_resistance] (https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/h9ztj7/own_your_shit_weekly_june_16_2020/fv0bx9n/) There are plenty others putting in the work as well, take a look through the weekly threads and observe. **You must be pretty good at OYS then Lucky** I’m alright. I’ve had my fair share of shitty posts. In fact, here are some of my worst: * [Tea and chicken] (https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/91fkog/own_your_shit_weekly_july_24_2018/e2z5da8/) * [Blow by blow accounts on meaningless shit] (https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/8vqjyj/own_your_shit_weekly_july_03_2018/e1r6q1y/) * [Dancing Monkey] (https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/8cuzpx/own_your_shit_weekly_april_17_2018/dxvimg9/) So I know how to fuck it up. **Couple of closing tips** Don't delete your posts, even if you get shredded or banned for it. Learn from it. Don't reply to people's comments straight away, have a think about it first and take it in. If someone takes the time to give you a detailed breakdown, think long and hard about what they said. Tl;dr summaries - just fucking don't. Write about shit that matters. Don't write shit that isn't true. Don't distort your own narrative to put you in a better light. And don't care too much about anything anyone says, its the internet. None of this actually matters.",,80,threekindsoflucky,2020-06-28 00:44:23 marriedredpill,heas7a,"Own Your Shit Weekly - June 23, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,19,AutoModerator,2020-06-23 08:24:25 marriedredpill,h9ztj7,"Own Your Shit Weekly - June 16, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,19,AutoModerator,2020-06-16 08:24:28 marriedredpill,h9ovtz,A walkthru of No More Mr. Nice Guy,"#####Something as a subtitle Great year for Rational Egosim fellas. If you've not been paying attention, a lot of people have been learning what the fuck the red pill is ... thats a good and bad thing. The good thing is that guys are sharing notes like you wouldn't believe. The bad thing is that a lot of people are coming out of the woodwork to get their little bit of clout. It's not a new thing, some 5/10 feminist (Cassie Jaye) made a movie about *""it""* which was really all about *""her""* Youtube is jam packed with hundreds of hours of content on *""5 ways to be more alpha male, number 3 will surprise you!""* #####It's all garbage. Having said all that, I figure why not take something simple, our sidebar, and go through it with a fine toothed comb. I hope to eventually add it to the sidebar here once the series is done. We re add the 60 DoD every year, the books largely don't change. I'm going through Robert Glovers **No More Mr. Nice guy** with a fine toothed comb. If you've been here a while it's nothing new. If you're new here (or just pretended to read the sidebar so you could crack jokes about butt plugs and call people faggots) it's a nice supplement to you pretending that you're fucking your wife on the regular and not fucking around on Reddit. It won't spoon feed it to ya, but some people learn better by reading, others by talking and listening, and some learn the hard way. I unfortunately cannot fuck your wife for you to learn the hard way, talk to one of the CAD's and I'm sure they will hook you up on the hard way lessons **No More Mr. Nice Guy, 60 minute chapter breakdowns** [Chapter 1](https://youtu.be/IoZsfzV7OT0) [Chapter 2](https://youtu.be/yrq6vxdt7yM) [Chapter 3](https://youtu.be/eUEVOae1Lgc) [Chapter 4](https://youtu.be/pXwj03wuANo) [Chapter 5](https://youtu.be/QgW2-tBjmGY) [Chapter 6](https://youtu.be/pqDC8DkO8eg) [Chapter 7](https://youtu.be/dTiq05xPefk) [Chapter 8](https://youtu.be/2_WBQaVHp0w) [Chapter 9](https://youtu.be/UvNoDJZJIlk) EDIT: Completed! (And added to the sidebar)",,110,RStonePT,2020-06-15 21:05:00 marriedredpill,gzizl4,"Own Your Shit Weekly - June 09, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,21,AutoModerator,2020-06-09 08:24:24 marriedredpill,gys1g7,75 DoD - That's a wrap!,"Ok, so 60 DoD became about 75 DoD this year. The schedule got fucked up and I've not been around here much. Nevertheless, we had some solid contributions this year: Week 1: I got you to do some mental reps about lifting. Week 2: We lit the fire under the kettle you're in with your eating. Week 3: /u/RStonePT taught you about washing your ass. Week 4: /u/SBIII is prettier than you. Week 5: /u/BarracudaRP gamed you hard. Week 6: /u/weakandsenstitive helped you get perspective on how you can build and manage your wealth. Week 7: /u/johneyapocalypse rocked your shit on Career. Week 8: /u/Red-Curious drew you out of your shell with a treatise on social life. Thank you to all our contributors this year. For all of you who participated: how did you do? Have you gotten results by *changing habits*? More work to do? Tell us below. I'll be asking some mods to help me decide some DoD flair. Now, go off and enjoy summer looting and virus season! [Edited for *#*&@^ formatting]",,24,SorcererKing,2020-06-08 04:38:45 marriedredpill,gwgczf,A Complete Idiot's Guide to Conversation,"To go along with /u/Red-Curious 's excellent Week 8 DoD, I'm going to dump a post that I wrote for a social anxiety forum a long time ago...but never posted. This is a post about how to go through a conversation including **everything** from before you even start, to number closing up. In my usual fashion, it's verbose. It's probably 10 minutes before I even get to saying the first word. Takes me about 40 minutes to read back to myself to completion...and I understand it. So get comfy: &nbsp; Hi all. I wanted to throw this out there as a referable overview of many of the things I've learned about talking to people over the years. I know what it feels like to be in this boat of having low social skill, and I know the hard work that it takes to get out of it too. And I feel that there's a dearth of just an overall framework that people who are trying to better themselves in this area can relate to. This isn't a unique guide to specific techniques. It does not include canned phrases. It is not directed more toward men or women. This guide applies to both equally. If you're serious about learning this stuff, and you're tired of trying to put all the pieces together, then you're going to have to dedicate some time and attention to this text. Your choice. &nbsp; That said, none of the excuses that you, or I make in our heads that stop us from being social, nor any amount of reading, is going to substitute for the practice of actually getting out there and repeatedly putting yourself on the line to learn first hand. So above all else, even after reading this, if you want to grow this ability in yourself, you're going to have to get out there and practice, just like any other thing you master. &nbsp; Who am I you're probably asking? A guy who's single handedly dug himself out of the deep deep hole of social outcast. I've gone through the whole gamut of 'guy who literally has no friends and sits at home wondering if loneliness is my life', to 'guy who stands on the outside of a circle of friends and says nothing', to 'guy who tries to engage but it's just awkward'. I'm now the guy who's hosting parties and talking to each and every guest; men, women, and children. I'm the guy who people at the party name as the social butterfly. I'm the guy who sets up things to do with friends, and makes new friends at those things. I'm the guy who walks into a bar, looks at everyone staring into their drinks and on their phone, and decides ""I'm going to say hi to you, just because I know you're hiding it, and I know how good we'll both feel when we establish a connection."" At this point it's fun to me. I talk to people all the time, and they are very receptive to it. I think anyone can do this. And I want to share what I've learned. &nbsp; You don't have to listen. Like I said, the real learning is out there. But if it can give some perspective, and if it can give some structure, especially to those more rack-and-stack, logical guys like me who need it to be organized to make sense, then it'll be worth it. Again this isn't a motivational speech. This is a comprehensive overview of talking to someone. &nbsp; **Even Before Saying Hi:** Even before saying hi there's a whole host of situational social awareness that you can cue in on to determine if starting a conversation with someone is going to be worth it for you, and/or for them. These are the things you usually don't notice because you're so in your head thinking about your bundle of thoughts about conversing, and things that can go wrong, that you don't see what's going on. You're in such a fog, and you can miss these signs when you're not paying attention. These include: &nbsp; + Are They Ready For a Conversation: A good thing to try before even going out and trying to start conversations with people is to go around a public area yourself and just look at everyone. And each person you pass think to yourself: ""Do they look like they would be receptive to a conversation right now?"" I'll tell you that people usually rank into three categories as an answer to that: &nbsp; Category 1) Yes, they are either looking at you, coming toward you, and most likely, if you do not start a conversation with them, they are going to start one with you. You'll find about 2% of people in this category, and the majority of them are going to be people who were forced to converse with you in some way (think food service, or polite social interaction ""excuse me"", etc). &nbsp; Category 2) Yes, but they don't know it. This is where you'll find 90% of people...walking around in their own heads not even thinking about conversing at that moment. It's sad, we're all wrapped up and used to our normal lives and the fact that people usually don't and/or are too scared to talk to other people that we are more likely to be thinking ""What's for dinner tonight"" than ""I wonder what that person is like."" &nbsp; Category 3) No. And this is where you'll find the last 8%. These people are pre-occupied, and not even in a bad way, with what they're doing, to the point that they don't want to talk to you. Maybe their kid is screeching and they're trying the get them under control. Maybe they're concentrating on a task. The truth is, there are legitimate times where you just should not be starting conversations with someone. &nbsp; But like I said it's good to be able to identify, and quickly, because many windows of starting a conversation with someone are so incredibly small that if you cannot make this determination quickly, you'll find yourself just playing it safe and moving on. &nbsp; + Purpose: So you've determined that they are someone who is open to having a conversation right now. Before even going in and saying hi, you should know your purpose, or range of purposes that you're talking to this person. The purpose could be as easy and simple as ""I want to talk to you"" or ""I'm bored and want to entertain myself"" or ""I'm actually attracted to you, and want to see where a conversation will go"" or ""I'd like to get to know you better, and maybe make friends."" These are all things you're telling yourself in your head, of course. But when you get the experience and the guts to, feel free to use them as fun and unique conversational follow ups (which I'll talk about later). You'll be amazed at how many people are drawn to such sheer honesty. &nbsp; The point here is, you kind of want an idea of the possibilities of where your conversation is going to end up. Are you going to hold a long, drawn out conversation with the waitress at a restaurant? Probably not. Is there more probability for making friends and possibly sharing interests with someone just sitting in a park? Probably yeah. &nbsp; This is also a good exercise to do along with the above one, to go around and think to yourself ""Why would I talk to this person?"" Sure it may be obvious: ""They're attractive, duh"" or ""He's on my soccer team so I should make friends"" But telling yourself this always kind of solidifies in your head that there's a *reason* you're doing what you're doing. It's kind of a feel good justification to yourself. &nbsp; + Time: So you've determined that someone is probably open to having at least some kind of conversation with you, and you have a rough range of where this conversation will go. Now think about time. You're waiting on a subway platform, the next one doesn't arrive for 6 minutes. You definitely have a good chunk of time to start a friendly conversation and steer it into at least a few topics. Or, you're waiting in line to order food behind someone and the line is moving at a pretty good speed. You really don't have a lot of time. &nbsp; Knowing how much time you're going to have does two things. 1) It builds into the potential purpose behind why you're talking to someone and how far that conversation can actually go, and 2) It sets a stage in your mind for what you're in for for the time that you have. You'll be able to tell what kind of conversation this could be if you know how long it will last. It will also prevent you from making time-based conversational blunders. &nbsp; If you've ever found yourself in a long conversation with someone where you're keeping your answers short, but somehow you both seem to have a lot more time than you thought, or your mind isn't prepared for a longer conversation so you're feeling that itch to get out...that can make you look disinterested and even rude. Whereas if you try to get into longer topics that take some time to talk about and the other person is looking to, or is forced to (think train is coming) leave, well that's unfortunate and awkward too. &nbsp; But if you go in with an estimate of how much time you'll have to, for lack of a better word, perform, it'll ease your mind in that you can think ""It's okay, just 5 minutes of discomfort and I'm done."" &nbsp; + Cues (Them): In addition to what we'll call the 'logistics' of starting a conversation that I just talked about, there's also social cues you can look for, that people will give off, if they're willing or want to start a conversation with you. One of them is that they start a conversation with you! I'm kidding...sort of. But other than that: &nbsp; Eye Contact: Remember, everyone is going around in life doing their own thing. Unless we're doing that thing where we're in a hallway walking toward each other from 50 feet away and there's nothing to look at but wall...there's really no reason for someone to make eye contact with you unless they're at least somewhat willing to talk to you, if at least just to say hi. The brain is also good at subconsciously making people aware of their surroundings by focusing on the objects in it that create more interest to them. If you are one of those objects for someone else, you'll find eyes on you occasionally. Not staring at you. Not necessarily looking you up and down. But definitely looking at you at some point, even if it's just a glance. If you see this, think ""There's one possible hint, let's see if there's more."" &nbsp; Location In Relation to You: This is one I've noticed both from myself, subconsciously, after the fact, and in others when they've started conversations with me. They will, and you will, subconsciously move toward that person if you want to talk to them. This is much more likely too in a crowded room, where movement around isn't necessarily going to be noticed. But take note in spots like standing in line, on a dance floor, or in a park. If there's a plausibly deniable way (meaning there's no way to specifically say ""Hey you're moving toward me because you want to talk to me""...there could be other reasons) for them to move, they will, and you will too. If you see this. It's an invitation. It's another hint. &nbsp; Body Position: Just like eyes have a tendency to look in the direction of interest, so too will someone want to keep their body positioned so that you remain in their field of view. Think about it too...you're in a crowded bar facing the bar, the guy to your left has his back to you and is talking to his friend. The girl to your right is leaning with her back to the bar. Which one is more likely to accept a conversation? The girl of course. Even if she's talking to a friend away from you. The body position indicated this is much more possible than tapping someone on the shoulder from behind to say hi. &nbsp; Being Aware: There's two states that your mind is in, and if you're introspective, you can consciously put yourself into and come out of them. One is that your mind has narrowed its focus on a thought or task, you have that 1000 yard stare, and are really not noticing things that are going on around you. The other is you've opened up your senses to take in more of what's going on, you may actively be looking around, and are more open to stimuli. Try it right now, put yourself into a deep thinking, almost daydreaming state...go ahead...take 10 seconds...then come back...............................................now snap yourself out of it and notice all the sights and sounds going on around you. &nbsp; When you see people in the second state, this means if you say hi to them, they are less startled because you're not pulling them out of their thoughts, back to reality to talk to them. If they are in the first state, pulling them out of that state is kind of akin to yanking someone's headphones out when they're listening to music. Though not THAT infuriating. But still irritating. &nbsp; There are many more subtle cues that may add to this list. Whispering to a friend who then looks in your direction. Seeming to be open to talk to other people they don't know. But I'll skip more of those for now and just advise you to watch people and what they do around you...and when they say hi or when you're successful in starting a conversation with them, take note of what they were doing beforehand, and see if you find any patterns developing. &nbsp; I usually use these as cues for me, sort of like permission, or a sign to tell me the time is right to start a conversation. At the point I'm at, I find myself sometimes itching for a conversation, and I'm standing there, like a horse at the starting gate of a race, waiting for one or more of these clues. When it comes, the gates fly open, and I'm talking. Just like that. It's almost like a game. *Sitting next to a guy at a bar...he drinks his drink, stares at his phone for a bit, maybe orders a quick drink for the bartender. Looks at his phone some more. Then puts his phone down and glances over in my direction.* Boom, that's 2 signs (becoming aware and glancing my way). I'm talking. &nbsp; Remember, most people are shy, and used to not conversing. And they are also perfectly fine with giving off these clues and if you don't pick up on them, just moving on with their lives. So while you're saying to yourself ""Dude, not everyone who makes eye contact *wants* to have a conversation with you"" I'd say, ""Maybe, but they are much, MUCH more likely to entertain one if you try to start one."" &nbsp; + Cues (You): All the above are also certain cues you can apply to yourself as well, to let you know that you're interested in starting a conversation. If you catch yourself looking their way often, if you feel like you are/want to move closer to them, then you are subconsciously selecting them as a person to converse with. There is also a certain cue that you may give off that if you pay attention to yourself...you may notice that it's your subconscious telling yourself ""Hey, we want to start a conversation with that person."" &nbsp; And this is Energy Level. This is an internal feeling that you cannot really read in other people, but can feel in yourself. When someone comes around, if you find that you get a little burst of energy, or adrenaline, or perk up a bit...that's you telling you you want to say hi. If and when you start practicing this...if the person is of the 92% that you can talk to, and you feel this feeling, for the love of god you must talk to them. This is the purest form of self-positive feedback you can give to reinforce social behavior. Your body and mind will love you for this, because it's raw ""I wanted to do this, so I did."" &nbsp; + Cues (Situational): Lastly, there are some situations, kind of like the world has set this up so you are pretty much bound to meet, cues that you can use as good indicators to have a conversation. These cues revolve around Common Ground. If you find yourself suddenly in a situation where you both have common ground, like you're dressed up to go to a party and you step onto an elevator with someone else who is also dressed up. Or if you're out for a jog and happen to take a turn and line up next to someone else also on a jog. That's the universe giving you a free platform on which to say hi, because the topic of conversation is already right there. Other things like maybe the power flickers, or it's pouring rain outside, are also common ground situational cues that indicate that easy conversations are all available. &nbsp; **Getting Over Approach Anxiety:** Wow that was a lot to take in. But you've done it. You've decided to say hi and start a conversation. Or, at least, you want to. But now you start to feel that tell-tale anxiety, and hear those voices in your head that act as barriers to prevent you from saying hi. This is probably the section a lot of you are caught up on. So here's a breakdown of all the problems here and some solutions, or at least mental models, that may help: &nbsp; + Why Me?: You're wondering to yourself ""Why am I the one who has to go through this when all they have to do is stand there and receive my hi."" I get it. Everyone else is walking around and either seems to be OK with just not talking to anymore, almost like you have some flaw that you feel the need to be social much more than them, and/or they just don't need to be social WITH YOU. Maybe they already have friends, and tell themselves they don't need to talk to anyone else. Or maybe they've invented some other excuse that takes away the personal anxiety they have about talking to other people. (The key is these ARE just excuses...as I've found people are mostly happy to be brought out of their normal life pattern and talk to you). &nbsp; The answer to the question ""why me"" is because YOU'RE the one who wants to be social. And that's not something you should take as a bad thing. But what you need to do is take in, and be okay with, that aspect of your personality. Instead of placing the blame on other people for not wanting to talk...give yourself permission to be okay with the fact that you DO want to talk. ""Yes I want to talk and I'm proud of that."" This hints to a bigger topic I'll talk about later which is confidence and congruency. But remember again, that most people are used to not talking. They're simply not willing to put in that energy to start. &nbsp; And energy is a great way to put it. I'm a physics type guy, and there's a concept called a potential barrier. To explain it simply, imagine there's a ball that's sitting in a large dip in the ground. On the other side of this dip, there's a large down-hill. The dip is called a potential barrier because you have to put potential energy into the ball to surmount it. In order to get the ball to go down this hill, you need to push it up and over the side of the dip to get it to the hill. That's the same concept we have here. If you want the ball to roll down the hill...you need to put in energy to get it out of the dip. If you want to have a conversation...you need to put the energy in to get you both out of the social hole you're in now. If you do not accept the burden of this, and believe me it sucks, I know, but if you don't accept this, you will forever be jaded that you're the one who has to do it. &nbsp; + Visceral Fear: So okay, you've gotten over the fact that you feel persecuted because the onus of starting a conversation is on you. Whew. Past that. Accepted that. Now comes the fear. You're afraid. And I'm not talking yet about being afraid because you're worried about all the what if's...I'm talking about the primal fear you feel...the tightness in the chest...the butterflies in the stomach...the fight or flight mechanism kicking in telling you to run. Your muscles tense up. You get tunnel vision, and tunnel thoughts. I know the feeling well. &nbsp; You feel that way...and you associate feeling that way with BAD. That's the default, primal connection in your brain. IF I have these feelings, THEN the situation I'm in must be bad, and I must escape. It's that logical. Here's the deal: YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO FEEL THAT WAY. Let me say it again. When you are about to put yourself at risk, taking yourself out of a comfortable, low-energy situation and put yourself into a higher risk, vulnerable situation, you are GOING to feel that way. That's the way it's supposed to work. &nbsp; What I'm saying here is that you need to get it in your head that the feelings you're feeling, while yes they are designed to make you feel like you're about to be attacked by a predator and need to flee for your life, are the exact feelings you are supposed to feel in this situation. And I'm here to tell you that I, from experience, and other social guru's I've listened to, in their experience, STILL feel this. Approach Anxiety DOES NOT go away. Not even when you're experienced with it. &nbsp; What happens though is that when someone more experienced feels it when they want to go start a conversation, they understand ""Yes, there it is, approach anxiety...I'm supposed to feel this...so things are going normally."" And when you come to terms with this, you will rewire your brain to be ok IN SPITE OF feeling this, even though it still does. Because it is supposed to happen. It's kind of like when you are out for a jog or playing a tough sport, and you start breathing more heavily? That's SUPPOSED to happen. Or when you lift up a heavy moving box and walk with it. You're going to feel discomfort and maybe even pain in your muscles carrying it. You aren't going to die. It's your body doing what it is supposed to do. So when you say to yourself ""I can't, because I feel scared.""...we ALL do. You just need to realize that you have the capability to act anyway. You ever feel scared before going on an insane roller coaster? Yes. Do you do it anyway? Yes. The magnitude is different. This situation is different. The obstacle is the same. Fear. &nbsp; + But What If...: Now lets get to the fear of outcomes. Besides the physical feelings associated with fear, there's going to be those mental barriers where your brain is thinking ""What if they completely shut me down?"" Or ""What if they give me a funny look and laugh?"" Or ""What if they're even hostile toward me?"" And there's nothing really I can tell you to make you feel like these things aren't going to happen. They may, and if you say hi enough, they will. But here's some things I can say to make you more comfortable about managing this fear. &nbsp; The first is that this doesn't happen often. Like at all. You've heard it before, but it really is true. What you think of as really bad outcomes for talking to someone you don't know, does not happen very often because 99% of the time, people really have no reason to be mean to you. This is especially true if you don't give them reason to be upset with you. And if you're following everything I've said so far, then most likely they have no logical reason to act terrible to you. And if they do anyway, well, who wants to talk to someone like that? &nbsp; That said, there are some pretty big DO NOTs that you should avoid. And while you could break social norms and do these, successfully, anyway...it's kind of just best not to. These include not coming up to someone from behind, not to talk to someone with headphones in, not interrupting someone talking to someone else to break into a conversation, in fact not interrupting a conversation when it is in a deep phase (which I will talk about later), and being mindful of personal bubbles. &nbsp; The second is that all this fear, both physical and mental...all this turmoil you have going on in your head...they don't see. See the way you're coming at it is that you shouldn't go say hi because you feel all nervous and anxious and scared...and they wouldn't want to talk to someone who's nervous and anxious and scared right? But they have no way of knowing that you're nervous and anxious and scared. When you walk up to someone and say hi...that's all they can see, that some normal person walked up and said hi. Your insecurities are shielded in the fact that there's no way for them to know. &nbsp; The third is, and this is really useful and I've used it a lot when I'm practicing, is if you know for a fact that it's very, very likely that you'll never see them again ever in your entire lifetime. When I'm on travel to a different state or country, I feel so empowered to talk to other people because I know that even if I make a fool of myself or they hate me, we will likely never cross paths ever again. And so that gives me free reign to basically be as open and risky as I want. If I wanted to just walk up to someone and go ""BOOGA BOOGA BOOGA!"" and walk away, I could. How can their judgement matter if they're not in my life to judge me? I mean, unless you are affected that some person in some place far away from where you'll never be again happens to think of that one awkward conversation someone had with them that one obscure time...if that's the case, you should probably get some help for not being able to let that go. No I'm serious here, go talk to a therapist. That's why they're there. You need to let that go. &nbsp; And that's the fourth thing too...if you don't establish a connection, they probably aren't going to even remember you. Your actions will be dust in the wind in the history of human interaction. So not only does the world not see your mental turmoil, it won't remember if you mess up either. If you do establish a connection, then you've probably not done something worth fretting or being embarrassed over. &nbsp; And believe me I've been in situations where maybe I had a bit too much stage fright and didn't talk to someone I wanted, or made a fool of myself. And so I left that bar and went to another. Yeah, it sucked. But that's it. It's done. I'll probably never see them again and even if I do, I doubt they'll remember me. And even if they do, they're not likely to bring it up. All this means is that all those fears of outcomes you have, they don't really matter in the grand scheme of things. Life will go on for you, for them, for everyone, regardless of whether you succeed or fail. &nbsp; Are we almost to the talking part then? Almost. The last thing I wanted to talk about is if you find yourself in a situation where you are going to have a conversation, and there's just no two ways about it...you are going to have to move yourself across the room to talk to them and they are absolutely going to notice you doing it. This is going to be really rare. Because many situations you are going to be able to use plausible deniability that you just happened to move close enough to have a conversation, or they wont notice, or you manage to slowly move their way by talking to people who are closer and slowly migrating over. &nbsp; If you find yourself in this situation though, know that the act of doing this, while you both know it's happening, and that person is probably going to pass some judgement on you for doing it, almost always translates to them thinking you are confident, if you can keep that confidence going in conversation. I promise, I will talk about confidence soon. &nbsp; And don't give me that crap that you physically cannot do it. Because I've been there. My body feels paralyzed with fear. And I've thought to myself ""Look, if I were in an empty aircraft hanger with the same amount of space between me and that person over there and I wanted to walk that distance...could I? Yes, I physically could do it. So I can physically do it here."" &nbsp; **On your mark, get set...:** Earlier I talked about being ready to talk like I was behind the starting gate at a race. And now here's where we find ourselves. You've determined in very rapid succession (that gets faster and better every time you practice it) that someone is open to being talked to, that you know why you're talking to them, you have an idea of how long you'll have to perform, so you know what kind of responses and how deep you will go into topics. You have felt the anxiety and understand that it's normal. Your brain has given you the worst outcomes and you've accepted their low probability. There will be three situations you find yourself in, and they all involve proximity: &nbsp; Situation 1) You've been in a spot, and they've just walked in close proximity to you. This is easier in that you're in a comfortable zone yourself, and you don't have to move to someone to close the gap. It's hard because you have no prior knowledge of them and not a lot of time to figure out why you want to talk to them. &nbsp; Situation 2) Someone else is in a spot, and you have just walked in close proximity to them. This is easier in that you can think up saying hi, and a comment about how you'd like to start the conversation before you get there. It's hard because you actually have to move to close the gap. &nbsp; Situation 3) And this can be mixed into situation 2, but you have both been in close proximity, but for whatever reason, be it you were busy or they were busy, you haven't been able to talk yet. &nbsp; In all these situations, this is where you need to be on high alert, ready to start talking at any moment. This is because people are really weird. They're weird in that if several opportunities have passed in which you could have initiated a conversation, and you didn't, it will inevitably be awkward if you then do. You may be familiar with the 3 second rule, in that from the time you have an opening to talk to someone, you have three seconds to do it or you may as well not, because your odds go WAY down. &nbsp; The three seconds start when you've read those social cues in them, or yourself. And the reason you need to be ready and out of your head is that if you aren't, you're going to use those three seconds to think ""Oh look there's a person, I could totally talk to them, but what will I say, and what will they think? Shit...three seconds has gone by."" &nbsp; So here's where we need to start talking. But what do you say? I'll tell you my secret conversational opener that has worked for me in about 95% of all cases that lead to a great conversation. Are you ready? &nbsp; **Talking:** So now we're at the talking part. And if you can tell so far, I like to break this stuff down into sections with tips and goals for each part in order to chunk it up in my head, and so it's more manageable. We're taking baby steps here. &nbsp; + Goal 1 - Break the Ice: The very first goal you should have in a conversation is to break the silence between you and that person. It doesn't matter how. That's your goal. Don't worry about feelings or topics or anything else. Break that ice. And here's my 95% success rate conversational opener: &nbsp; ""Hey, how's it going?"" &nbsp; I'm serious. This is it. Really, don't overthink it. This is my best and most successful ice breaker if I have nothing else to go on. It works to both open the door to conversation, and also to immediately start toward the next goal: Does this person want to talk to me now that I've broken the ice? &nbsp; Other Ice Breakers: Before we get to that goal, I want to give some information on other ways to get into a conversation that aren't the standard ""Hi, how's it going?"" &nbsp; The first, if you aren't feeling especially chatty, is smiling and extended eye contact. I cannot put an exact time on it, but there's a time between a fleeting smile and glance and an uncomfortable stare, on the order of less than 2 seconds, where if you hold eye contact and smile, there's this pull that they will feel to say hi to you first. This not only works sometimes, but will also indicate to you that they are more interested in a conversation than if they just gave a smile back. &nbsp; Another popular one is to listen in on a conversation they are having with someone else. I talked earlier about not butting in on a deep conversation so I'll talk about that here. A deep conversation is one that really you have no real connection to them on, and in which they're opening up more than they would voluntarily if you were included in the conversation. If they are name-dropping other people in their lives that you don't know, or talking about something serious like illness, a breakup, their fears an insecurities, any negative topic, or about something you don't know about...this is not the time for you to butt in. It's not your business. Give them space. &nbsp; But if you hear them talking about something that relates to you, maybe a concert you were interested in (even if you didn't go), or again a common situational cue that you can relate with, then a good way to get into the conversation is to say ""I'm sorry I couldn't help but overhear that you were talking about ______."" And then give your feelings on that topic. Pay attention, too, to where you insert yourself here. Because if two others are talking, and one says to the other ""So I went to the Garth Brooks concert that we talked about!"" You don't want to butt in right then and there with ""No way I did too! Here's my opinion!"". The person being told this story has priority over you to answer first. Let them, and when the conversation starts to dull, then you can jump in. &nbsp; And a third popular way to get into a conversation is to, genuinely, talk about something about them. This is best relegated to things like what's on their shirt (I use this one very often), or if you genuinely like a necklace, tattoo, or whatever else. A warning though, IF you're going to use this one, make sure your comment is genuine, because if it isn't this will absolutely show up in the follow up you have to their response. And it is generally risky to make the comment about their looks (Hair, body shape, etc.) &nbsp; So you've broken the ice. That's goal 1. And the structure of the conversation that you're communicating covertly so far is: ""Hi, I want to talk to you."" (Ice Breaker) &nbsp; Now comes the follow-up. &nbsp; + Goal 2 - The Follow up: Because saying Hi isn't a conversation. And because you're the one that said hi, people are going to expect you to be the one to continue into the real conversation. Take solace that this is past the hardest part of having a conversation (breaking the ice), but we're not quite to the hill yet. We just need one more little push. &nbsp; The follow up and Goal 2 is where you're going to continue the conversation based on the reason you genuinely want to talk to this person. It's kind of a covert explanation of why you started the conversation in the first place. Whereas ""Hi, how are you"" is covertly saying ""I want to talk to you."", your follow up is going to covertly say ""and this is why."" &nbsp; For instance I'll give you an example. I was in the shoe store buying shoes just yesterday. I am an avid runner so I feel confident that I have some belonging there. I heard one of the employees say to the other that they were going to participate in a race this year...which happened to be one of my favorite races to run. I commented ""I'll totally be there for that race."" as my opener. This was my ""Hi, I want to talk"". &nbsp; If I would have stopped right there...the feeling from the clerk would have been: ""Well...that's...nice?"" I would have forced awkwardness into the conversation. Instead, I followed up ""The sprinklers are a unique touch huh?"" (Because anyone who's run that race knows it's in July and hot as hell, and 30 or so neighbors along the route come out and either put their sprinklers out or stand there with a garden hose to cool you off). So I got rid of the awkwardness and answered the question that I put in everyone's mind ""Why did you decide to talk to me?"" If you don't answer this question with a follow up, rest assured it will probably be asked or implied directly very soon...and the conversation will be dead. &nbsp; So in addition to describing *why* you're inserting yourself into a conversation, the follow up does another very important thing...it takes the burden of thinking of what the person has to reply with off of them. They really have no pressure to continue the conversation now because they don't have to think of a topic, so they will be much more likely to do so. I'll continue to use this particular conversation further for my explanation, but I wanted to highlight the structure of it so far. The structure covertly goes: ""I want to talk to you"" (Break the ice) ""This is why"" (Follow-up) ""And this is what we're going to talk about"" (Implied from Follow up) &nbsp; In terms of effort you put into a conversation...congratulations, the ball is rolling. You did it. The hard part is over. And while you're both going to need to put in a little more effort to keep it going, from this point on, the effort is divided at least 50/50; and if nothing else, you've done what you wanted to do and started a conversation with this person. &nbsp; What I want to talk about next is the most important part on *their* end. &nbsp; (Continued in comments)",,62,[deleted],2020-06-04 12:18:42 marriedredpill,gwd90x,"Actual conversations with ""abuse"" victims.","It occurred to me recently that many guys may not know what their wives are telling the attorney in preparation for that looming divorce filing she didn't tell you she was already planning. So, let me give you some insight on what that conversation looks like behind the scenes. All of these are approximations of actual quotes I've heard throughout my career. They usually start with an allegation that the other side is abusive, followed by my asking: ""How is he abusive?"" **The Typical Conversation** This is based off of an actual conversation I had with one client in particular, but is fairly common of most: ""Did he ever hit you?"" ""No,"" she says. ""Okay, so how was he abusive then?"" ""He's verbally abusive."" ""How so?"" I always ask. ""He swears at me."" ""Out of the blue or during arguments?"" ""During arguments."" ""Did you swear back at him?"" ""Yes, but nowhere near as bad as he did it to me. He gets REALLY angry during arguments. Did I mention he's emotionally abusive too?"" ""How's he emotionally abusive?"" ""Because he gets soooo mad at me for little things or when I didn't do anything wrong at all!"" ""Does he think you did something wrong?"" ""Well yeah, that's why he's mad. But I swear I didn't. I just didn't do it his way - and he wants to make me feel horrible for that. That's emotional abuse. I looked it up on the internet."" ""I'm sorry to hear that. Have you ever gotten mad at him over something that he felt was unjustified?"" ""Oh sure. He accuses me of nagging him all the time."" ""And have you ever yelled or gotten angry in those situations?"" ""Well, yeah - because he's so abusive that it makes me mad and I can't help but yell and get angry! But what do you think? Can we show the court how abusive this man is?"" _____ **Other Memorable Quotes** I have added the first sentence for context, but I assure you that ALL of these quotes have included an allegation of the exact type of abuse referenced at some point in the conversation/testimony, and the second sentence on is part of the explanation given. Some are my client, others are the opposing party during my examination. - ""He's manipulative. He doesn't actually do anything that I could call abusive, but he does things to make me feel abused anyway. That's how he tries to get away with his abuse."" - ""He's manipulative."" I ask, ""How does he manipulate you?"" She answers, ""By asking me to do things, and then I feel like I have to do what he wants all the time."" I ask, ""Does he ever threaten you if you don't do it, either direct or implied?"" ""No, I just know that he'll be angry. He uses his anger to manipulate me into getting his way."" - ""He's manipulative. He uses the kids as pawns to get at me."" I ask, ""How so?"" She answers, ""When we're fighting, sometimes he takes the kids and leaves the house. He says he's 'giving me time to cool off.'"" ""What does he do with them?"" ""Usually they go to a park or out for ice cream or something fun, knowing that I'm at home in tears - and he doesn't care. Then he looks like the fun dad and I'm the crazy mom who they have to be saved from. And everyone thinks HE is the hero in the situation!"" - ""He's emotionally abusive. Every time we argue, he just sits there silently and doesn't talk or get mad or do anything. He knows it infuriates me, but he keeps doing it!"" - ""He's emotionally abusive. He loves to look at me with this smug grin on his face, even when I'm obviously mad at him."" I ask, ""You mean he does it when you're not mad too?"" She answers, ""Yeah, he's just smug all the time."" - ""He's emotionally abusive. He told me if I tried to leave him, he'd fight for custody of the kids."" - ""He's emotionally abusive. He told me that if I didn't handle this situation his way, he'd take the kids and live with his mom for a while."" I asked, ""Isn't that what you did when you filed for divorce two years ago before dismissing it?"" She answers, ""Yeah, but I'm the mother. That's different."" - ""He's sexually abusive. He thinks I should have sex with him whenever he feels like it, and he'll try to pressure me to say yes."" I ask, ""Do you say yes or do you stand your ground?"" She answers, ""I always say yes. It wouldn't be abuse if I felt like I was allowed to say no."" - ""He's sexually abusive. He made me give him blow jobs even though he knows I don't like it."" - ""He's sexually abusive. He looks at me all the time, even when I don't want him to. It creeps me out."" - ""He's sexually abusive. When we have sex, after he's finished he ends things and never tries to help me along, then makes me feel guilty for not finishing as fast as him. It makes me not want to have sex with him anymore."" I ask, ""So did you stop having sex with him or tell him you didn't want to?"" She answered, ""No. I just started finishing myself off afterward."" - ""He's sexually abusive. He raped me many times during our marriage, forcing me to do all kinds of outrageous things, like blow jobs, hand jobs, and other stuff."" I find peers in her congregation to confront her about these accusations. She tells them, ""Oh, I made all that up. My attorney said I had to say those things to win custody."" - ""He's financially abusive. He controls the check book and I have to ask for permission whenever I want to buy anything."" I ask, ""Has he ever said no to anything that you needed for daily living purposes?"" She answered, ""No."" - ""He's financially abusive"" as above (a common one). I ask the same question. She answers, ""No."" I ask, ""Has he ever said no to anything you wanted to buy at all?"" She answers, ""No. But he still has all the power over the finances and I have none."" - ""He's financially abusive. He keeps all the accounts in his name and refuses to let me know what's in the accounts."" I ask, ""Have you ever asked and he told you no?"" She answers, ""No. I don't feel like I'm allowed to ask. But he never gave me access."" - ""He's financially abusive. He buys whatever he wants, like eating out for lunch while he's at work pretty much every day. But when I want to buy something, he always says no."" I say, ""Give me examples of things he's said no to."" She answers, ""Usually new decorations for the house."" I ask, ""Is he buying decorations for his man cave or his office?"" She answers, ""No, he doesn't value decore, and because he controls all the money, it means I can never have what I want, while he still gets to have whatever he wants."" I ask, ""And what is it, exactly, that he wants?"" She answers, ""Usually he just spends money on food."" [Note: the guy wasn't even obese.] - ""He's financially abusive. He spends all our money, and then there's nothing left for basic needs. We're in so much debt."" I ask, ""What types of things does he buy?"" She answers, ""TVs, sound systems, video game systems, computer stuff."" I ask, ""Have you ever bought things like that for fun yourself?"" She answers, ""Yeah, he buys me a new smart phone every year. I also have a few ipads and a laptop. He likes to buy me jewelry too. He thinks I have to forgive him when he does that. But then when there's no money left for groceries, we end up having to put it on the credit card, and now I'm constantly in a panic over all the debt we've racked up. Can the courts make him stop? I can't handle the financial abuse."" - ""He's financially abusive. He knows I can't afford this divorce, yet he keeps doing everything possible to ring up my attorney fees and make this case cost a small fortune."" I think to myself, ""No, you calling me for 3 hour chats 2-3 times a week to talk about your insecurities and not letting me hang up the phone is what's costing you a small fortune. Learn to shut up and this whole thing would have been 80% cheaper."" - ""He's verbally abusive. He yells and screams and swears at me all the time."" I ask, ""Do you ever do it back?"" She answers, ""Yes."" - ""He's verbally abusive. He lies all the time."" I ask, ""Do you have any proof of any of the lies you just told me about?"" She answers, ""No, he's really good at hiding things. And a lot of the stuff he lies about are smaller things just to get under my skin, not big things that would be provable."" - ""He's verbally abusive. He calls me names and tries to make me feel bad about myself, telling me I'm worthless and that nobody could love me."" I respond, ""I'm really sorry to hear that. That sounds cruel. How did you handle it?"" I thought she'd say she went to her room and cried. Her actual answer: ""I know I shouldn't have done it, but I started breaking his things. I figured that if I wasn't worth anything, he couldn't have anything worth anything either. I get that I reacted poorly, but that doesn't change the fact that the way he talked to me was abuse, and I want the court to see that."" - ""He's physically abusive. Just look at these pictures!"" She pulls them out, I say, ""Oh, that red mark on your neck?"" She says, ""No, that was a bug bite. It's the spot on my arm, where he hit me."" I ask, ""Oh, the dot right there?"" She says, ""No, the other arm."" She points to a slight discoloration that I'm pretty sure was really just a shadow. I say, ""Oh, the picture must just be faded too much to notice. Can you get me one with better resolution so the judge can see what you're pointing out?"" After she gets me the better resolution copy the next day, I still couldn't see it. She didn't have any other angles of the shot (presumably because she couldn't get the shading just right from any other angle). - ""He's physically abusive. Look at the pictures of the bruises on my arm!"" The pictures were entered as exhibits and showed very serious bruises. She added, ""I took this video of him slamming a door on my arm repeatedly."" It gets marked as an exhibit and played for the judge. The video shows the two arguing, then she drops her phone, so the video goes black, but audio can be heard of her screaming and a door slamming on her arm multiple times. Later at trial, I have my client on the stand presenting a video that he was taking simultaneously, showing her slamming the door on her own arm with an identical audio track. - ""He stalks me. He walks his dog in front of my house all the time."" I ask, ""How far away does he live?"" She answers, ""4 houses down."" - ""He stalks me. He constantly posts things on Facebook directed to me and he won't stop."" I ask, ""Have you ever told him to stop?"" She answers, ""No."" I ask, ""How difficult has it been managing your social media account with him doing this?"" She answers, ""Oh, he doesn't actually tag me in any of them. I only find out about it because my friends tell me about it."" - ""He stalks me. He used to take videos of us having sex together."" I asked, ""When did you find out about this?"" She answers, ""I mean, I agreed to it at first, but I didn't know he was still doing it after the first few times. Plus, I didn't know he had videos of other women too - and he didn't delete them after he broke up with them! He probably still has my video too. Don't you think that's creepy like a stalker? He's out there watching videos of me naked after we're divorced. The court has to realize that's stalking, right?"" I ask, ""Do you have any evidence that he's actually watching those videos?"" She answers, ""No."" I ask where she found the videos, she answers, ""In a box in our shed."" I ask, ""Does he know you found the videos?"" She answers, ""No."" I ask, ""So, in all probability, he thinks they're still packed away in a box in the shed and hasn't actually seen them in years, right?"" She answers, ""Yeah, I guess that makes sense."" In all of these situations, the women genuinely believed they were the victims of abuse. I 100% believe that they were being sincere in their allegations, despite that in most situations they did not come anywhere close to the actual legal standard of abuse. To that end, **I have only used examples from cases where the allegation of abuse didn't actually get substantiated in court** (except a few of them, where the cases are still pending, but it's not been an issue yet). I'm not here to increase panic about the divorce-rape boogey-man. _____ BONUS 1. Gender Reversal: ""She filed a CPO against me saying I'm abusive, but she's the abusive one!"" I ask, ""How so?"" He answers, ""For example, when we would have sex, she'd make me choke her. I was really uncomfortable with it, but she'd pressure me saying she couldn't orgasm unless I was choking her hard enough that she was actually having trouble breathing."" BONUS 2. Parental Alienation [an EXTREMELY common conversation]: ""He/she is alienating my kids from me! He/she lies about me, blames me for everything in front of the kids, keeps telling the kids I cheated on him/her, tells the kids it's my fault we're getting divorced, etc. This HAS to stop. Don't the courts care about parental alienation? I read online that this is a big deal and that the Courts will put a stop to it."" I ask, ""How's your relationship with your children?"" They answer, ""Oh, they love and adore me. Our relationship is very strong."" I ask, ""How's the other party's relationship with the kids."" They answer, ""Not very good. The kids really struggle being over there because of how bad of a person he/she is."" I ask, ""Given what you just said, who do you think the court will believe is the actual alienated parent?"" They answer, ""But they're doing it to themselves! I'm the one being alienated by all the things they say about me."" I answer, ""Give me 3 examples of how your relationship with the children has been irreparably harmed by those things."" They never get past the first. BONUS 3. Danger to the Child: ""He doesn't love our daughter. It's so obvious. He's using a size 3 nipple, which I know is the manufacturer recommended, but she had acid reflux 6 months ago, so she should only be using a size 1 nipple on her bottles to limit the flow. How does the court not see that he just doesn't care about his daughter at all?"" [Yes, this one's more exaggerated because of the way I summarized the conversation, but every claim I referenced is true, nonetheless.] _____ **Caveats** In maybe 2-3 of these cases there were more significant things that came up and these were secondary rationales. But in the majority, these were the primary reasons given. I also have a number of cases where the abuse was very, very real. This isn't to say that abuse doesn't actually happen. Rather, it's to show that women have a grossly inaccurate concept of what actual abuse looks like. _____ **NOT The Point** My point here is not to make you afraid that all women will cry abuse just because they can. It's also not to make you afraid of abuse charges that she will inevitably contemplate at some point throughout your marriage. I'm also not trying to make you extra cautious of doing anything that could possibly be interpreted as abuse in court. **The Point** My point ACTUALLY IS that if a woman isn't attracted to you or (even if she is) she's decided to leave, she's going to be prone to interpret any negativity in the relationship as a form of abuse no matter what you do. Sometime her feelings will be legitimate in light of the circumstances. Don't be that guy, unless it's self-defense. But none of the things I referenced above went anywhere in court, no matter how fervently she pushed the issue (some cases pending). So, my conclusion for you guys is to look at a list like this and think to yourself: - There's no point worrying about whether or not she's going to cry ""Abuse!"" someday. Just assume she will. From there, **the guys who fare best are the ones who make her second-guess why she's divorcing him in the first place**. And yes, that second-guessing is EXTREMELY common as well, despite how few women are willing to admit it. But they tell their attorney everything along those lines too. This is one of the reasons it's so vital to maintain a firm ""stay plan is the go plan"" mentality if your marriage is falling apart - not in the hope that you might win her back, but because the things that would give you that chance are the same things that are going to tweak whether she cries ""Abuse!"" or ""Aw, I'm going to miss how bold of a person he was.""",,122,Red-Curious,2020-06-04 08:16:55 marriedredpill,gvathe,"[60DOD] Week 8, Social Life","If you're anything like pretty much everyone on the planet, your social life sucks. Why should you care? Because as much as you want to be your own man, you need other people to do pretty much anything you actually want to do in the world. In the drafting phase, I at one point split this out into a two-part post, but didn't feel like taking the time to separate it all out, and the content blends better when together, so here's the whole thing. _____ _____ **PART I: MENTALITY** _____ _____ **No Man Is An Island** Most guys coming here need to learn independence. They're so heavily influenced by society that they need to pull away from everything the world and their wife tells them and develop their own kingdom that operates within their own frame. That's a beautiful thing. But it's unsustainable to go completely independent. Let's be real: do you really want to live in the wilderness like Thoreau? Even Thoreau didn't live like ""Thoreau."" He made regular trips to town to visit family and friends. He didn't live in the woods, but in a cabin in a wide open field. He had visitors over and hosted an annual melon party. Nobody actually wants to live in isolation, yet many people's behaviors would indicate they do. Are your behaviors aligned with your goals? In the case of having a social life, for most people the answer is no. **The ""Loneliness Epidemic""** I [wrote a post about a year ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/cjg7pn/more_than_marriage_how_churchianity_has_screwed/) citing some stats from [a survey by Cigna](https://www.cigna.com/newsroom/news-releases/2018/new-cigna-study-reveals-loneliness-at-epidemic-levels-in-america). The conclusion was that around half of the country admitted to sometimes or always feeling alone and having no meaningful relationships. Surprisingly, having kids doesn't decrease your susceptibility to the ""loneliness epidemic."" Not surprisingly, today's young adults are considered the loneliest people ever to live since we've been recording stats on the subject. Interestingly, despite what our feminized society tells us about how women are so much better at being ""social butterflies"" than men, [Psychology Today says otherwise](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-art-closeness/201601/3-surprising-truths-about-gender-and-loneliness): > ""According to substantial research, women across all ages and lifestyles report higher levels of loneliness than men do. [Ironically:] Except, perhaps surprisingly, in one subset of people - single people. While married women inch out married men for the lonelier group, single men vastly outweigh single women as the lonelier bunch."" Sucks to be an omega. Notice the language here, though? **Substantial** research. **All** ages. **All** lifestyles. While the world will tell us that we should all build friendships like women (trust, communication, emotional connection, etc.), the reality is that it isn't working for them. At some point, you need to learn to build your social network like a man - and not the feminized betas and omegas who are ruining the gender curve. But we'll get to that later. _____ **Why Does it Matter?** So you've worked on your stoicism and frame a bit. You don't feel lonely anymore. You're an introvert anyway, so why do you care about building social relationships? Because if you don't, you're still a loser. Let me break this down: - Even the most introverted person needs *some* social contact. If you don't have friends outside the home, you're going to default to your wife and kids. This makes it easy to pedestalize them and become co-dependent on them as your only source of relational fulfillment in life. - Dread is literally impossible if you never leave your house. Just as bad is when you do leave the house, but everyone knows you're not actually going to be chatting up a random hottie. - Online forums can only take you so far. At some point, if you want to learn how to be a man you need to actually see what other men do. The movies don't cut it because you know it's scripted. - Chances are, your mission in life involves other people. Financial goals? Unless you are forging your own currency, you can't manufacture money on your own, which means you have to get it from ... people. Athletic goals? You need someone to train you, a rival to best, peers to give you feedback, etc. Political goals? You have to have connections to get into office. Very few goals in life wouldn't benefit from an improved social game. I could go on, but you get the idea. _____ **So why aren't you?** Some people are dumb and needed to read all that, but for those with common sense, able to figure out with 10 seconds of thought why it's important to build a social game, you're still left with the cognitive dissonance: ""Oh yeah, I guess it IS important, but I'm still not doing it. Why not?"" There are lots of answers: fear, shame, apathy, laziness, mental health issues (that you probably don't even realize you have), etc. But there are two answers that rise to the top: (1) You're incompetent. You just don't know how to make friends. I'll address this in the ""Action"" section, below, so no need to re-hash it here. (2) You Make Idiotic Assumptions. When I coach guys on building their social life, I ask lots of questions about why they're not already friends with someone in particular ... you know ... like ... women. Number 1 response? ""They already have a circle of friends, and it's just hard to break in."" I'll address the frame issue later. For now, let's realize that this is based on a series of bad assumptions. - **Assumption 1: The other person doesn't want more friends.** This excuse only applies if someone has actually made a clear decision not to have anymore friends. I doubt anyone has actually done this, so they're on the table. - **Assumption 2: The other person actually has friends.** Yeah, you see them hanging around other people, but most social contexts are recurring acquaintanceships, not genuine friendships. Your neighbors and co-workers may call you their ""friend,"" but do you really relate with them the same way you did your roommate in college? Probably not. And that's probably also the case for the person you want to connect with. - **Assumption 3: The other person doesn't want YOU as their next friend.** If you're making this assumption, you need to go back to the sidebar and learn (1) that you're the prize, or if you're not, (2) how to become the prize. - **Assumption 4: It's hard to break in.** It's not. More on that to come. - **Assumption 5: That there's anything to ""break in"" on in the first place.** Are they putting up invisible fences? Again, this is something of a frame issue, so let's go there. _____ **Your Frame/Their Frame** When my wife looks to make new friends, she asks herself what she could do to cause them to want to include her. This is how women think. They're naturally compelled to want to be in the frame of someone they desire to associate with. But you're a man (I hope). You should be inviting everyone else into your frame. This means that your method of winning friends isn't to suck up to them. It's to be someone they pander to be around. Church folk are an easy example of this dynamic. The typical strategy for ""plugging in"" is simple: believe what everyone else believes, suck up to those in authority and praise whatever they say. If you do this, you become part of the crowd and make lots of acquaintances. But nobody actually wants to spend time with you or become closer friends. On the other hand, have you ever noticed that the popular people are the most critical? They gossip about the secrets they hear and make fun of those around them. This is true even in congregations. Why does everyone gravitate to them? Because they're alpha enough to say what the betas wish they had the balls to. These people are fun. They run against the grain. Their controversial nature gets them attention, and that attention wins them friends, but also makes them enemies. They live in their own frame and it's alluring to everyone around. Of course, you can live in your own frame and not be a slanderous gossip. This is my approach. Instead of running my mouth about how much better than everyone else I think I am, I actually strive to be the best man I think I can be. People respect that. At some point, they realize they want what I have (even if I have to invite them to have it with me, to get them there). This is what draws the crowd. Once the crowd amasses, I can pick and choose who I want to build closer relationships with. **Relationships and Networking** Now, there's a reason I've been talking most of this time about building authentic relationships. Yes, acquaintances are useful. This is the goal of **networking** - to build a vast array of people you are loosely connected to in the hope that one of those connections will one day become handy. There is a value to having a vast plethora of people who know your name in the community. I had that in my old community, and I'm working toward rebuilding that after having relocated less than a year ago. Acquaintances make you look good in public, but their utility is limited. I have set aside ""networking"" as a viable model for long-term success as a man, whether in my career, my neighborhood, in my spiritual pursuits, etc. When you network, nobody has a vested interest in what you're doing unless it mutually benefits them. Most relationships aren't immediately mutually beneficial. I may meet a businessman who could refer me a case someday, but chances are that he'll recognize me in the grocery store, but won't remember me when his neighbor needs an attorney. Why not? Because he doesn't have a relationship with me. He's only thinking about me when I reach out to him or when he's personally in need. Instead, 99% of my clients by referral come from people I've spent substantial time with. We've gotten to know each other personally. We've sat down for a meal or talked a dozen or two times, even if only briefly. I know the names of their kids. We make it a point to meet up regularly. These people have you on their mind. My closest friends refer me 2-5 new cases each year, and my more casual friends give me 1-2 cases a year. Even when I'm not around, they're thinking of me when the context comes up. [Funny story: the 1% was a client who was referred to me by an opposing party who was so impressed with my cross-examination of her that she told her friend to go to me instead of her own attorney.] Lee Rosen used to run the #1 blog on the internet for law practice management. He coached a number of businesses beyond just law firms. I spoke with him by phone once and he told me his singular secret to building a successful career. Can you guess what it was? ""Build your relationships, not your networks. Nurture people to think about you when you're gone, not merely to notice you when you're there."" Now, realistically you can't have deep relationships with everyone. You have to balance networking and building relationships to get the best of both worlds. In reality, networking is the first phase of building relationships. So let's go there. _____ _____ **PART 2: ACTION** _____ _____ **Building Your Network** I wrote a post a couple years ago titled [Social Influence and Defying Context](https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/88dyg6/social_influence_and_defying_context/). Much of what I'd say here I've already said there, so no need to make this post longer than it already is. But let me clarify an easy way to build your social network. - **Say hi to new people.** It's that simple. This is where it all starts. My favorites: on a jog, at the gym, in an elevator, grocery sohpping, waiting in line. Just say hi. Even if you don't say anything after that, learn to get the conversation started. If possible, focus on people you know it's reasonably possible you'll see again. - **Say hi again.** Again, basic stuff here. - **Have a brief conversation.** This can be done simultaneously with one of the above, if the situation calls for it. What do you talk about? It doesn't matter. Talk about how awkward you are at starting random conversations, for all it matters. Preferably, talk about the aspect of your life for which you're trying to build a network. Just make sure you're smiling most of the time (unless they tell you their dad just died ... use some common sense, foo). You can have this conversation over coffee, or on the street where you met. It doesn't really matter, though more personal and focused environments are generally going to be more fruitful. - **Exchange contact information, or learn how to locate them.** When I go running, I tend to learn where the people live who I say hi to. They remember me as that dad who pushes 3 kids in a jogging stroller for 5-8 miles at a time. ""Hello"" becomes ""Hello again,"" which turns into, ""Good to see you're still at it."" Other times, I cut the conversation short and say, ""I've enjoyed talking about this, but I've got to get going somewhere. Here's my number/e-mail. Let's finish our chat soon."" If possible, get their info too, then leave. Once you have their info, by this point you've established enough of a foundation that it shouldn't be too awkward to contact them if you're in need. That's about it for basic networking. Whenever you see these people again, they'll remember you and be primed for acquaintance-like conversations. **Building Your Friendships** After your network grows large enough, you'll start to get an idea of who you'd like to get to know better. It might be someone whose career aligns well with your career needs. It could be someone whose interests are similar to your own and you just want to have fun together. It could be someone you'd like to mentor so you can gain a sense of fulfillment in passing on what you've learned to someone else and sending them out into the world. Whatever your motive is, friendships are where the real value is at. Let's continue our path. - **Follow up.** Remember that contact information you got? Start using it. While I encourage people to master the art of no-context conversations, this is a weird lull where it's better to create context so the other person feels comfortable with the foundation for follow up. ""I remembered you said blank, and I'm doing blank, so I figured I'd call and get your thoughts on this."" - **Invite, Mild.** Keep it light at first. Grab a meal or coffee together. The idea is to become comfortable hanging out in person. Once that comfort is established, the friendship itself IS the context for future conversations, so you don't need to manufacture context to keep things from becoming awkward for long. - **Invite, Serious - ""Going all the way.""** Don't do this too soon. Rather than explain this one, [I'll just leave this clip](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0siRMEEY8rc). - **Shift the Dynamic.** Make yourself available and let them invite you. This only works once they're already convinced you're someone they want to be around. _____ **Male v. Female Social Matrix** It's important to note that there are some key differences about how men and women engage with friends when they're in the ""follow up"" and ""invite"" phases. Hopefully by now you've become fluent with [The Female Social Matrix](http://theredpillroom.blogspot.com/2012/05/female-social-matrix-introduction.html). From this and what I've observed elsewhere, here are a few discrepancies I've seen in how men and women interact, which should help you learn how to build friendships with other men that actually help rather than drain you. Women | Men ---|--- Crabs in a bucket | Encourage social ascent Equality | Competition Diss progress beyond the group dynamic | Spur on progress Social niceties; pleasant demeanor | Ribbing, critiquing Focused on the group | Focus on role within the group Supporting conversation | Dominating conversation Plausible deniability | Overt expression Appearance of being wholesome | Raw, crude, and blunt Being fair | Being efficient Consensus/Democracy | Hierarchical Structure Involvement | Achievement Obviously there are going to be exceptions, and most of these will operate on a scale. This doesn't mean that men can't engage in social niceties or encourage equality; rather, it's to say that if there is a conflict between the two, or the opportunity for the male side is present, the man will engage in ribbing and competition instead. For example, a guy might prefer to look for a consensus/democratic solution before acting. But when it becomes apparent that no consensus will be reached, the women will keep trying to find one, but the man will say, ""Enough is enough. We're doing this,"" and then do it. You'll notice quickly that this dynamic isn't merely describing the difference between men and women, but also between feminized men and the masculine. I have found that even the most feminized men will respect the male social matrix when in the presence of the masculine. Accordingly, **my point here is not merely to explain the different social matrices to you, but to encourage you to socialize like a man. In doing so, you will teach other men how to be men, while simultaneously earning the social status afforded to the masculine in your social interactions.** _____ **Ten Extra Tips** 1. **Take Control of Your Social Life.** Even before social distancing, the world at large conditions people toward isolation and arm's-length interactions with others. Even the most extroverted people are unlikely to make much of an effort to build genuine friendships with you. If you want it, you make it happen. That's how it is with pretty much anything worth having. Yes, other people want friends too, but they're either too dumb or too socially conditioned to act on it. 2. **Ignore Context.** ""Context"" is the meta framework most people operate in, made up of the social norms they think they must follow in order to take certain actions. Those social norms are the very ones that ruin so many marriages and condition guys to be beta pussies, leading to higher divorce rates, children out of wedlock, etc. Do you really want to submit to the cultural forces that have created the societal chaos we have today? Plus, learning to defy context makes you more interesting to others and also fast-tracks your progress. See my previously linked post on defying social context. 3. **Embrace rejection.** About 7 months ago I wrote a post titled [Initiate Often, Confident Always](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/dhu98g/fr_initiate_often_confident_always/). The premise is that rejection should not rattle your confidence - it should immunize you against further rejection and failure, making it easier the next time. I remember having to raise funds for a ministry job I once took. The first few rejections were tough to take. After several dozen more, I didn't care. It was much easier to raise funds after that - not merely because I could get to the ""yes"" people faster, but because my fearless charisma started giving some of the ""no"" people enough confidence in what I was doing that they came around. 4. **Master Asking Questions.** This is the most valuable skill you can ever learn. A decent conversationalist uses questions to keep a conversation going. A skilled conversationalist can use questions to engage in deep conversations on matter's he's entirely ignorant. A master can use questions to persuade others to believe virtually anything, while thinking it was their own idea to believe it. I could do an entire post just on the art of asking questions. 5. **Be a Social Sculptor.** Many guys, especially those who run against the grain of culture, tell me, ""I just don't want to be friends with the people I'm around. They're so liberal and weak and it's annoying."" Right, unicorns don't exist. You think you're going to randomly bump into a red pill endorsed contributor out on the streets? It's not going to happen. Rather than looking for the perfect friend, create one. This is the same advice I give for relationships. In my experience, it's harder finding someone worth being friends with than it is to take someone I'm iffy about and influence them into becoming the kind of person I want as a friend. 6. **Negative to Positive.** Generally speaking, it's easiest to bond over shared disinterests. Many people have stronger negative reactions to what they don't like than they do positive reactions to what they do like. This creates an easy camaraderie up-front early in a relationship. Of course, focusing on the negative is unsustainable, as people don't like feeling negative all the time. Most people recognize their best friends as those with whom they shared overall positive experiences with. Even if the ""positive experience"" was something that landed them in trouble, they remember it fondly because of the fun they had in the process. 7. **Learn Cultural Distinctions.** Trying to engage with a hipster? Frat boy? Businessman? African American? There are so many cultural subsets that are misunderstood (or perhaps understood better than they want to admit). Knowing some of the unique ins and outs can go a long way. 8. **Tell It Straight, Unapologetic, Yet Tactfully.** Most people know I'm a Christian, so I'll use that as an example. Some people think it's impossible for biblical Christians to relate with certain communities, like homosexuals. This is dumb. I've had a number of homosexual friends. For a time, I danced around the issue, not wanting to upset them. That actually upset them even more because they knew I was treating them differently because of their sexual orientation. They wanted me to talk to them the same way I would anyone else. So, we took it a step further. He'd start talking about making out with his boyfriend and I'd tease back, ""Yeah, you'll have a lot of time to do that while you're burning in hell for eternity ;)"" and they'd laugh. Once the rapport is there, and it's clear that the friendship exists through your disagreements, let the disagreements be a point of humorous distinction, not a point of division. 9. **Have Male Friends.** You can't learn how to be a man without being around other men. Even if the guys you know aren't the types of guys you want to emulate, you can influence them to become someone you're proud to be around - and then you can fuel each other on. I've done this many, many times. It's fun and rewarding. 10. **Have Female Friends.** Society will tell you that a married man should not be good friends with a woman other than his wife. This is somewhat absurd. Can guys and girls actually be ""just friends""? Probably not. So what? Does that mean you're going to start unzipping your pants every time you're around one of your female ""friends""? Is your self-discipline really so low? The social convention on this makes sense if you're a weak man who can't control his own dick - and if that's you, and you don't want to blow up your marriage, then follow it. But if know how to keep your pants on, you'd be a fool not to take advantage of the power that women have usurped in society by building relationships with them. It's seriously idiotic to cut off half of the population from your life just because your wife might not like it. Besides, chances are she actually does like it more than she's willing to admit to herself. Dread. Preselection. Mystery. Got it now?",,53,Red-Curious,2020-06-02 16:45:35 marriedredpill,gv3erg,"Own Your Shit Weekly - June 02, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,19,AutoModerator,2020-06-02 08:24:22 marriedredpill,gr0j9s,MRP Year 3: Let's Take the Boat Out On the Bay,"Each year of ~~Married RedPill~~ discipline, vision and frame is better than the last. I still grow every day, building on the habits from years [one](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/8hfeik/mrp_year_one_how_i_got_here_and_what_i_did_about/) and [two](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/bkzcv4/mrp_year_two_i_guess_this_is_growing_up/). Every area of my life has improved on the path of Read, Lift, & STFU, and every year I add more miles to my motorcycle and pages to my journal. My dudes, this is the way. Life is far from perfect, however, and I had plenty of failures in Year 3. My own failures, financial goals and bills, and the occasional shit test. Failing to get up to 160 lean pounds, failure to be further along with my side business. There were times where I let my circumstances overwhelm me, times where I forgot that I was the hero in my own story. But for every one of those failures, there were ten successes. Some of my lofty goals from the week I found MRP have been overcome and replaced. Some things that seemed impossible now feel like stepping stones that I travel every day. My third year began and ended with authentic gratitude, and that has altered my mindset. I've never been so thankful for my life, even the shitty parts, while simultaneously being so willing to change it all. I’ve never been so grateful for a day job, and I've never worked harder on a plan to be free from it. I’m more grateful for my family than ever - simultaneously, becoming more willing to [nuke](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/ge79vq/why_you_must_be_willing_to_nuke_your_nuclear/) it all. And last year, I spent a lot of time being thankful, intentionally and out loud. For the first time, I'm earnestly seeing opportunities in my challenges, rather than trying to ""convince"" myself to adopt a positive mindset. If I can be thankful during the worst times, it's even easier to maintain that gratitude when my circumstances finally change. In this last year, I did more good for my wife and kids, and for my parents and others. I have a lot more to give these days, but I'm not referring to money. Some day, I want to give that like crazy, too. In Year 3, I took a long guys trip in the mountains. I did some truly epic stuff, and spent introspective time in amazing places. I was honest with myself about the excuses I was making, and my fear of failure that drove them. In particular, I was putting off the work, cost risk and potential rejection needed to take my side hustle to the next level. I made it happen the day I returned home. On that note: In Year 3, I stopped killing my own abundance. Since I was a teen, I've noticed that abundance in any area of my life would come and go in waves that I couldn't control. I'd have seasons of success with money, sex, friendships, etc. - but that abundance was always followed by another season of lack and scarcity. To call it 'luck' would be dismissing my capacity to influence it - it was abundance. This year, I had a simple, profound realization: **“What if I could cultivate abundance?”** As it turns out, a better question is: “How can I quit fucking up my own abundance, so I can keep this up all the time?” To cultivate abundance in my career, I had to get rid of oneitis for any one job. Being attached to anything so much that I'm afraid to lose it, that's oneitis, and I've had it for jobs, homes, friends and circumstances. To cultivate abundance, my focus had to be on me and my options first - which was impossible to do when I'd placed a single job on a pedestal. Cultivating abundance in my career means I'm constantly taking action to put myself in front of those opportunities; I’m able to notice them because I'm not fixated on the source of my oneitis. And cultivating abundance means that I've been disciplined and practiced to take advantage of the opportunity when it presents itself. And because I'm actually independent of any one outcome, I'm not afraid to lose any of it. Self-focus, awareness of options, no fear of loss. Taking action to be in front of those opportunities, discipline and preparation to take advantage of them. The same rules seem to apply to abundance in any area - careers and side hustles, friends and social lives, wives and plates. I think, talk and act with authenticity when I have options. Boldness comes naturally when I'm not battling a fear of loss. And in year 3, I learned that abundance has a lot more to do with **me** and my mindset than I realized. I learned that my mindset was limiting my vision. Like a prisoner dreams of a larger window, my aspirations were small and limited by my mindset. Instead of another job to pay more bills, what I really wanted was freedom from a boss. I didn't desire only sex or peace in my marriage , I want the companionship of a sweet woman I love. Instead of chasing friends and status, what I really wanted was to become a fully actualized man. I don’t want a longer chain - take the shackles off my feet so I can dance. Instead of deodorant, I used baking soda all year. That’s not a metaphor or anything, it just works really well and doesn’t stick to my balls. In Year 3, I realized I can do anything for 90 days. And when it gets worse, anything for 180 long-ass days. Crawling through five hundred yards of shit and finally emerging, I didn't run for the first field of daisies I could find. Instead, I doubled down and took on the next river of shit with freedom on the other side. I started a better Fuck You fund this year. For too long I made the mistake of putting my household budget above my own needs - never realizing I should have been able to fund both without compromise. In Year 3, I learned that I'm going to be polarizing because I'm being authentic. Attraction or repulsion are the only acceptable outcomes - I'm intentionally not going to hang out in the middle. I had to be okay if my authentic actions pushed some people away. Authenticity is more important than popularity, and I’m learning that’s as true with my wife and kids as it is in the office. I had to practice saying “No”, without any gentle padding words. In Year 3, I started thinking more about my future than my past. I used to think about my future only when I was dreaming of hitting the lottery; I’d think about my past to ruminate on things I wished I could change, or to plot revenge against those who I blamed. It’s been a subtle change, but now I dream about my own future. What can I accomplish if I don’t give up? The only way I lose is by giving up completely. What types of things do I see when I envision my future? I get to judge what that success looks like. What is the ROI of Barracuda, and what do I need to give him to make him a success? These plans eventually shape reality. In Year 3, I spent more time being content in spite of my circumstances, choosing to be happy and grateful instead of waiting for outside forces to *make me feel* a certain way. My gratitude enables my patience for my kids, wife, and the long-term willpower to have patience for my own plans. From this place, I’m much more confident in choosing the things that I want to include in my life for the right reasons. I ain’t shit yet, and that’s okay. Year 3 of MRP was the best year of my life, and next year is going to be even better.",,94,BarracudaRP,2020-05-26 16:41:36 marriedredpill,gr3o0k,"[60 DOD-7] Career: Business - Starting, Building, Failing, Succeeding - Lessons Learned Over 25 Years - Part 1","**TLDR:** Lots of words here. *Death. While it is inevitable - its mystery vast, like the deepest reaches of the universe - its dark presence cast a long, darker shadow over me….* Hah, just kidding. I can write engagingly about things not related to death. I'll show you. But first, to make for some smooth, easy reading, here's a table of contents: **Part 1…** * Introduction. * Strengths and Weaknesses. * Your Mindset. * Starting a Business. * The Mechanics, Part 1. * Good Resources. * $1,000, What Would I Do? * Some Additional Pointers. **Part 2...** * The Mechanics (And Perhaps Tools), Part 2. * A Content Business in 2020. * An Internet Business in 2020. * Auditing, Measuring, Understanding. * Scaling Your Business. * Quality Assurance - So Important. * Failing (Boo-hoo). * Succeeding. #**Introduction** I would like to tell you that owning a business, or even owning businesses, and succeeding, is the most rewarding thing in the world and so, so much better than working a job, for someone else. The only reason I can't tell you that is because I never experienced the latter. I've been my ""own man"" since day one. With that said, I can tell you that being a founder, a CEO, and starting, failing, succeeding, and running the show is an amazing experience. It's a great adventure, and you're the writer, producer, director, and star. If you love what you do, if you love being in the trenches, then there's nothing better: getting paid, perhaps even handsomely, to do what you love and getting to do it your own way. This is intended to be a very hands-on guide, with examples, and in part 2, if there's interest, actual tools and documents we use. What's more, to facilitate your own business building, I will walk you through some of the things you should be aware of. Perhaps then you can avoid the multitude of mistakes and failures I did not avoid. Maybe you can do it bigger, better, and faster. That's a beautiful thing. #**Understanding Your Strengths and Weaknesses and Why It Matters** Spend time learning about your strengths and weaknesses. As MRP suggests, be honest and objective. Now is not the time for delusion. I'd get others' perspectives to answer these question for you, as well. In order to succeed, you must be honest with yourself, you must ""lose the ego"" as every tom, dick, and harry has already told you, and you must intimately understand what you're **actually** good at and what you're **actually** not good at. Are you a sales guy? A problem-solver? A leader? A good manager? A critical thinker? A product guy? Importantly, what aren't you? Journal this a bit for a few reasons: first, you'll better determine where your focus should be; second, you'll understand where you need help; third, you'll have your first glimpse of insight regarding how you'll (potentially) sell yourself in the future, to investors, should you choose that road, or that road choose you. **What were my strengths in the beginning?** * Highly motivational. * Strong problem-solving skills. * Natural sales. * Inspiring leadership. * I was willing to put everything into it. * I simply would not give up. **What were my weaknesses then?** * Lack of discipline. * Self-delusion. * I was a stubborn mother-fucker. * Shitty manager. * No understanding of business fundamentals. * Missed deadlines often. **How have I progressed? Slowly.** Today, I still excel where I once did, but I am now the most disciplined mother-fucker out there, and while I may still have an outsized perspective of self, at least I'm aware of it, and more importantly, I'm aware of the downside and potential to be blindsided by such strong self-belief. What's more, I'm no longer so stubborn unless my gut tells me to be so, and I have a vast understanding of the fundamentals of business. I'm a very good manager, and profoundly obsessed with getting better every day, and I'd rather my wife chew off one of my testicles than miss a deadline. Some of my inherent strengths have helped me immensely, though be aware that your greatest strengths can sometimes paradoxically be your most impactful ~~weaknesses~~ challenges. Perhaps the nickname I had, ""David Koresh"" indicated that I truly was a great motivator, inspiring leadership, and someone who'd never give up. Or perhaps, as one CTO told me, it simply meant that I was a ""monster"" and a ""tyrant."" I recently saw the documentary about Waco and I'm not so sure which is true. My 25-year year education occurred not in a classroom, but in the real-world of founding, building, growing, failing, and succeeding with businesses multiple times. There are pros and cons to that. What I learned has been astounding: the depth, the broad strokes, the specific skills, all of it. That said, I wish, for instance, that I had taken, say, one business class, ever. I wish, too, I had learned earlier that the fastest way to get from one room to another is not to run charging with your head down to blow open the door, but instead, to simply turn the handle and walk through the doorway. **Wishes notwithstanding, I have no regrets. Nor should you. Regret is for assholes.** But it's important to know your actual strengths and weaknesses. I never went thought this exercise in the beginning and as a result, I did not play to my strengths and work on my weaknesses. Instead, I stubbornly ""walked my own path"" when there were plenty of better, smarter, more efficient paths to walk. What took six years - my first monumental failure - could have taken one. **How you can progress, much faster:** Do this exercise, plan accordingly, and hire so that you can focus your efforts where they belong, avoid focusing your skills in the wrong area, and (1) automate or (2) delegate **literally** everything else. #**Your Mindset** **Do you want investors? Or do you want to ""make a nice little business"" or perhaps ""have a side gig""? It doesn’t matter, the plan should be the same.** I'd encourage you to think that your primary goal is to sell your company within 36 months, for a lot of fucking money, and that it will require (and benefit from) investors along the way. Why? Because most businesses fail. If I recall correctly, for every one business that works, four don't. And I'm not talking about Teslas, Microsofts, and Googles. I'm talking about landscaping companies, consultants, mechanics, coffee shops, and the like. Your chances of failing are greater than your chances of succeeding. It's that simple. That's why you should be ""into it"" from the very beginning; no half measures and no half-assing it. Once you let half measures and half-assing into the equation, you're chances of failing some time grow that much bigger. * If you can pass muster at shark tank, your chances of succeeding are better. * If you can get an A-round in the door, your chances of succeeding are better. * If you can convince five smart guys to be on your board, your chances of succeeding are better. * If you sell your company, your chances of succeeding are better. Why? (And this will sound a little familiar.) Because… * **You've put in the work.** * **You've addressed the fundamentals.** * **You have a good plan.** * **You (ideally) have traction.** * **You have a vision.** If you're in a position to (1) use your experience, (2) share your solid business plan, (3) show traction, and (4) convince others - then you already have some key foundational strategies built. You're one step closer to achieving your goals and building or selling your business, even if you never do have investors or actually sell. Those ""fundamentals"" that savvy, accredited investors require are required for a reason, and no business should ignore them. In my strong opinion, the single best resource out there for how best to get this right can be found by googling **the brief for investors** - find the N-F-X site - and paying particular attention to the section regarding traction. By getting these strategies - to land money and sell - just right - you are in the right mindset - again, even if you don't get investors or sell yourself ever. Ten years ago I would have told you that the mindset was (1) you have it, (2) you know you have it, (3) no one else does, and (4) that you were going to win, period. I still believe it and think it helps - I feel this way all the time - but that's not the right strategy for everyone, and further, I'm in my 40's now and understand that I can leverage that feeling while integrating sound fundamentals. If you have to pick one versus the other, sound fundamentals will always prevail. I think you should go into things with a sober perspective. Of course, if you're in a really competitive, cut-throat environment, like I am, then you do need a big bite along with that bark. And the reality is, every business, no matter size, is in a competitive environment, and as the pandemic continues to unfold, automation keeps taking hold, and machine learning expands, the competition everywhere will get that much harder. That said, I believe now is the best possible time to start a business. So much change, so much opportunity. It's a brave new world, and that world needs new ideas, new strategies, new services, and new products. #**Starting a Business.** Starting a business can be fun, exciting, and adventurous. At the same time, it can be born of necessity, the outcome of negative circumstances, or - perhaps like many now face - the only chance you believe you have left since the job market is in deep shit. From my experience, the starting phrase is highly rewarding, whether you succeed or fail. Most of my fondest memories come from this phase, the most memorable of all from this phase for those companies I founded, that failed. **Go forth with the following in mind…** * **Build your own ""brief"" as outlined above, focused on traction,** and actually create every one of those items. Give yourself a whole quarter if you need to; skip the fucking pressure. Contrary to what every newb founder believes, no one's about to launch your product or steal your idea, and if they actually are, then you're ten-steps behind anyway. * **Watch every single investor video at the brief site.** Those are real-world investors telling you exactly what they look for. Don't build your company around what you look for, build it around what they look for. * **If you rely on a paycheck, don't jump too soon.** Put together a plan, implement a smart strategy, and test - before you go elsewhere. The ""test"" is the most important damn thing because it moves you from fantasy land - what you believe - to reality - what customers will pay for. * **Read ""Nail it Then Scale It""** - while there are others of the same ilk - this is the best of them. Learn and understand and become intimately acquainted with its concepts, especially when it comes to that test I mentioned. * **Find that minimum viable product (MVP) fast.** The fastest, most cost-efficient, minimum product you can sell and succeed with. If it will take time to build, then simply create the messaging around it. * If it's a service and you can roll your MVP out the door tomorrow, examine the competition, and **find your competitive edge.** What differentiates you versus them? Build around that competitive edge. * **Address the pain points the industry has.** Even if your market is saturated, that does not mean that customers within the market are satisfied. Chances are they're not. Conceptualize your product, or build your messaging, or massage your service to play to those needs, those pain points, and those gaps in the market. * **Test your MVP.** Google AdWords is essentially the greatest vehicle for testing the world has ever seen. * Don't even have a product? Even better, because that means as a startup dude, you didn't fall in love with your product, didn't spend a fortune on it, and didn't end up frittering away time and money only to learn that no one else likes your stupid fucking product. Still test, **just test a fake product, one that happens to not yet exist,** and track your performance carefully through Google AdWords. * **Don't skimp on Google AdWords** and don't do it yourself. Get someone to help. That someone can be relatively inexpensive and found online, think upwork, fivver, etc. * **Don't fall in love with your product.** Your product is probably not even what you think your product is. Just ask Stewart Butterfield. He loves video games but I imagine he loves being a billionaire more. Twice. (And he's a Canadian like stoney, how 'bout them apples.) * **Don't fear ""your idea getting out.""** That fear is very common. It inflicted me early on. You lose much, much more than you gain by keeping things (painfully) close to the vest. Most of all, you lose perspective. Valuable perspective. Real-world perspective. Perspective that is not your own fucking perspective. Perhaps if you're an executive at google, ready to move to apple, then the advice might be different. But I'm confident you - dear reader - are not an executive at google ready to move to apple. * **Read ""Getting Things Done""** while you're at it. The two most effective people I've ever hired both independently recommended the book to me, and while I'd already read it prior to those recommendations, it is still fantastic and something I revisit every few years. Your ability to be a successful manager will help you more than you can ever imagine. Dotting i's and crossing t's, while sounding boring, is the first step toward successfully managing people and projects - and unless you're planning to (1) raise money, (2) steal the money, and (3) abscond to the beaches of mexico - you're going to spend a lot of time managing people and managing projects. This book will help you improve every single day. * **Focus on learning how to hire well.** Hiring is so important it cannot be overstated. The most important part of hiring? Train well and fire fast. So many new business owners and gaytrepeneurs take way too long to let people go. One mistake? No problem. Ten? Well, he'll learn, right? Fuck that. Spell out the rules, and when they're broken, put it in writing. Break 'em three times and they're out the door. Make sure (1) your employment agreement and (2) your employee handbook spell these things out clearly up-front. Be straightforward as fuck with everyone you hire. Do the exact opposite of sugar-coating; in the end, employees will greatly appreciate it. * **Finally, get everything in writing** and be painfully clear up-front about **everything**. Leave nothing to chance, especially if you're going into business with an associate, a colleague, or a friend, or if you're getting money, or if you're planning to have customers. If you think you're being too clear and straightforward, be even more so. Ambiguity during the startup phase is not your friend, and in so many circumstances, the other side will win when it comes to a lack of clarity. **Avoid the following:** * Perfectionism. * Pedantries. * Embellishment. * Ambiguity. * Self-delusion. * Ignoring everything else in life because your identity is now directly tied to the outcome of your business. * Incessantly telling everyone, at all times, about your amazing game-changing stupid-ass business. * Thinking you are right about everything, because, well, you're fucking not. With some of the basics covered, things to pursue and things to avoid, it's time to dig into the proper mechanics needed to help your business thrive. #**The Mechanics** Do you know how to build a business? Do you know what to measure? Do you know what to pay attention to and what to ignore? Do you know your leading indicators, your trailing indicators? If you don't, no big deal. I had no fucking idea myself for the first ten-years of my career. Alas, I'm going to tell you, show you, and give you some fun tools to play with - the latter part contingent upon getting any interest from our dear readers. So if you want hands-on examples of things I'm talking about below, let me know in the comments or by DM and I'll include them in part two. As you surely know, the main priority of a business is to make money. Everything else is secondary to that, though the secondary elements can be quite important (help the world, feed the poor, produce sustainability, etc.). But first, you need to make money. You're going to need the proper tools to maximize your chances: * **Bookkeeping** - Xero is inexpensive and you'll avoid getting caught in the shitty-intuit-software trap. * **Calendar** - Easy - Google calendar or Exchange or whatever works, though it must be shareable. * **Note taking** - I live in the world of note taking. I notate everything, and because ideas can come at different and interesting times, I've setup my system to accommodate my needs. I am hooked on MS Onenote even though from a mobile perspective it is weak compared to evernote or keep, which I also use. And I have Google Homes everywhere - bedroom, office, home office, bathroom, car, etc. - your ability to jot down what you're thinking at any time is important - in this case, simply speaking your mind anywhere and at any time is uber-effective. * **Basic office** - Google Docs - Docs and Sheets - portable, mobile friendly, shareable, API available. * **Project management** - Basecamp, monday, asana, etc. * **Comms** - Something extensible that works everywhere - Slack is good - Microsoft Teams is probably good, too. With these tools, you need to build the fundamentals, starting with the brief and the deck mentioned above, including financials (and recognizing that if you're a tech startup then they're often nothing more than a shot in the dark, so simply emulate the closest public tech company's numbers, or, even better, find a similar startup's deck online and copy their financials). Once you have that in place, you need to focus on being organized, punctual, and methodical in your daily behavior and especially in your management. **What will you need?** 1. NDA & non-compete. 2. Employee handbook. 3. Employment agreements. 4. Customer agreements. 5. Terms of use policy. 6. Management dashboard. 7. Vision, mission, plan. 8. Initiatives tracking. 9. Agendas. Those nine items represent the tools I mention above and you can operate a business with these. Be strict in getting everything in writing and make sure all your legalize serves its one purpose: covering your ass. I've spent a goddamn fortune on attorneys and have every damn sentence, paragraph, section, and document running on all cylinders to, simply, cover my ass. **More on the mechanics…** Starting on day one - and I promise this will make you a much better business man for the rest of your life - treat every single task as an opportunity to improve and build your future empire. What's more, allocate 20% to 30% more time to get the task done thoroughly, as opposed to quickly. Instead of creating a task like this: **Create a report.** Do the following instead: **Create an AdWords performance report showing traction kpis (5-26-20)** * **Start date:** Today. * **Due date:** Six days from now. * **Description:** Create this report to show leads, calls, goals, automatically compared to last week, last month, last quarter, and last year. Integrate between Google AdWords and Google Data Studio. * **Dependency:** Setup Google Data Studio account. * **Dependency:** Screencast in Loom. * **Observers:** Claudia, Tom. * **Link:** Agenda. * **Tags:** reports, adwords, data studio, loom, training, video, management. * **Estimated time:** 7.3 hours. * **Actual time:** TBD. Why are you doing this as opposed to half-assing it, writing the task as fast as you can to get it done, and then simply launching into it? Because (1) you need a report so that means you'll almost certainly need the same report in the future, (2) you may need to do this report this time, but you want to delegate it to someone in the future, so the Loom video capturing everything you do is the ultimate training session, and finally, (3) your goal should be to [a] automate and [b] delegate everything - so rather than treating this as a one-off task, treat it as an opportunity to build standard operating procedures (SOP) for the future, for the next time someone who's **not** you needs to get it done. This methodical approach to getting things done, memorializing them, converting to training, building SOPs, and thinking ahead will take more time in the here and now, but next month, when you've trained a $5/hour guy to build the next report, follow the same SOP, or do something similar, then you've saved yourself a fuck-ton of time, and, beautifully, you are now **scaling** aka winning. In that vein, there are two more important tools: * Zoom - for video conferencing - always incorporate video - and recording - to further enable training. * Loom - screencasting, to train and help delegate. These tools help you be more effective and better enable you to focus on growing, reminding you again to **(1) automate and (2) delegate everything other than what your company truly needs you to do.** In the next part, I will talk about quality assurance - which is arguably the most important aspect of scaling your company's growth - and how the ideas mentioned above tie into it. So that' some practical every day advice - I'll go into greater detail on these mechanics (and potentially tools) in part two. There are a few other things you can learn - I've bolded the really important ones from books and articles I've read over the years. #**Books and Articles I've Read** * **Getting Things Done.** * **Nail It Then Scale It.** * The Lean Startup. * Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion. * The Feeling Good Handbook. (Especially helpful if you're failing.) * Rainmaking Conversations. * Influence: Science and Practice. * Crossing the Chasm. * The Art of Delegation. * The Power of Business Process Improvement. * Capital in the 21st Century. * The Leadership Challenge. * Profits Aren't Everything, They're the Only Thing. * Empowerment Takes More Than a Minute. * Blue Ocean Strategy. * Learned Optimism. (Helpful for me when I was tackling anhedonia.) * **Harvard Business Review.** ([This has been the most helpful for me.](https://hbr.org/2017/10/a-survey-of-how-1000-ceos-spend-their-day-reveals-what-makes-leaders-successful)) * **Agile Methodology.** (My companies migrated all departments to agile last year, it's been a significant change.) While I was a natural salesman, I never learned anything about sales or even business. So I also read scores of sales books from the old gurus like Zig Zigler. In my darkest of days after a business failed I ordered some Tony Robbins stuff, and while there was plenty of gaudy pageantry, it was extraordinarily beneficial. It's also a big part of the reason I believe so much in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and have made its practice a routine, daily, almost instinctive habit. So with all this knowledge, how would I go about spending that $1,000? #**$1,000 in My Pocket, What Do I Do?** Right off the bat, I'm breaking the rules and spending $10,000. But that's okay because my companies have deep pockets and the $1,000-to-$10,000 ratio, if not low, is legitimate and still stands for ""spend very little to test and prove."" I don't have to envision a potential scenario because I'm going through this right now. This is precisely what I'm doing. First, some background: A few years back, for a new company I raised 7-figures on an 8-figure valuation, convinced I could build a 10-figure company, and confident I would build a 9-figure company. Then, [the crazy-ass disease I'd been dealing with morphed into damn-near-certain death](https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/bcl6im/when_does_it_get_better/ekrq874/) and things, well, they… delayed… and…. progressed… rather slowly. However, I pivoted and although I was really kind of fucked for damn near three years, I have been turning it around and moving in the right direction with it, as my other companies have done surprisingly well and made insane progress. Overall though, in every sense of the word, it has been a challenge. But while doing so, like the aforementioned Stewart Butterfield, I stumbled upon something intriguing. A ""business from within a business"" - that itself had started from one of my other businesses - in the realm of machine learning, robotic process automation, and AI. I dug into it, noted no intellectual property issues, no patents. Knew it was a big-deal. So here is exactly what I'm doing - and I encourage you to copy this - this strategy incorporates 25-years of my experience into one solid play: * Building out a quick generically-branded website with a general name (not associated with any other companies I own). * Developing two marketing strategies: (1) Going after prospective customers in our industry who'd benefit from this, and (2) going after agencies in general who'd love to leverage what we're doing. * Running Google AdWords campaigns for both to prove that people will bite, in the following prioritized way: (1) Pay for something, (2) take the next step (e.g. I want more information), or (3) express interest. * Since I don't have a product built yet, and since it's not going to impact my actual companies, my team will simply reach out to buyers (and this is a goddamn great idea so there will be buyers) and tell them we cannot fulfill right now but to stay on our mailing list to be notified when we're ready. Then, these same people will also become my pilots - I'll iteratively build the product around solving their needs. * At the same time, develop a feasibility study by hiring a few external specialists to analyze a couple areas of our suggested product that do not yet exist. Four areas exist now, the fifth is not monetized and available only by opensource, the sixth does not exist outside of the original research paper. It's the combination of the six that represents our unique product offering. * File a patent application - this is not the balls-to-the-wall version that will cost me $50,000 - not yet justified to spend major dollars to be ""real"" - but it's holding our place in line. * Create a 30-second video showing the ""product"" in action - and not one of those stupid fucking cartoon character explainer videos. Those are juvenile, ridiculous, and to be avoided. * Put together a brief - just like what I referenced above - showing the **traction** associated with our pilot study campaigns, the results of our feasibility study for integrating all six technology paths, and the intellectual property patent data… and then raise money. (My guess: I'll get 5 million on a 25 million valuation - if the feasibility studies are favorable which may or may not happen.) Note that I'm spending little money to test something on a small scale. You must get traction and move from ""I believe people will buy my product"" to ""people bought my product"" - or at least tried to - regardless of whether you fulfilled or not. You have proven the demand is there and that has extreme value. #**Some Final Pointers…** * **Don't tell anyone how much money you make, ever.** Except your grandmother. If your grandfather's dead, emigrated here with twenty bucks in his pocket, had a life-long dream, and didn't fulfill it… but you did… then you can tell your grandmother. Thankfully I learned the ""don’t tell people how much money you make"" mantra early. My family felt strongly that doing so is tacky and in poor taste. It's hard to effectively describe what an enormous downside there is to employees, colleagues, friends, family members, wives, and others, even having an inkling. It’s not good in ways you would never expect. * **Prioritize your health and fitness first,** and bake that into your business strategies and mindset. * **Never stop learning.** While I dropped out of college, the ""education"" I've had over the years has been more like 10 PHD's, 25 BA's, and 100 more of the BS. The real world, my friends, is where it's at. Avoid the temptation to become an over-educated nerd. Learning does not necessarily equal education. * **Don't hire your relatives.** Even someone like me, who has hired scores of relatives… well, I can tell you that it never turns out well. Sometimes you learn that quickly, sometimes it takes a long-ass time. But in my experience, it's 100% a bad idea. * **Same thing for friends,** and good god did I hire a lot of them. Early on - like dumbshit trump - I thought ""loyalty and trust"" were paramount - and essentially ignored everything else (e.g. experience, qualifications, expertise, etc.). Just like with family above, 100% of the time it ended poorly. Well, no, that's not true. There's one exception. One of my inhouse attorneys started that way - but what he does is very straightforward. * **Don't fucking go into business with your wife.** Holy hell, if you have done so already, please chime into this thread and tell me about it. I'd rather put a bullet in my brain than endure that torture but it's my understanding that dudes out there actually pursue such a strategy. Sheeit. * **Don't express your political opinions to your customers, ever.** If your customer base is all republicans, or all democrats, then you can make an exception. Otherwise, you'll turn off a significant number of prospective customers with your rhetoric. * **Don't sleep with or fuck around with your staff, ever.** In fact, you'd do well to learn all the goddamn rules about ""sensitivity training"" in general, especially in the particularly litigious good old USA. * **Don't disparage your competitors.** I can almost assure that you'll be the only one in your entire industry to take such a stance. There's a big group of people who appreciate that. * **Focus on customer service and transparency.** Mastering those two skillsets is better than the most amazing sales and marketing campaign you can create. * **Be organized and hone your own fantastic management skills.** If they're not yet fantastic, make them fantastic. I did. I promise you that being able to ""manage"" - you, your time, your projects, your tasks, your calendar, your employees, your outsourcers - and doing so with discipline - is vital to your success. And it's all about KPIs - key performance indicators. Remember, by virtue of starting a company you are diving into the CEO role, and a CEO without management skills is basically nothing, or, the **wework loser** live and in the flesh. * **Always, always, always do what you say you'll do.** Early-on, I didn't. I had my own vision of ""time frames"" and they were often at odds with reality's own vision of ""time frames,"" usually by about 200%. People in the world of business absolutely love dudes who do what they say they'll do, every time, all the time. Conversely, dudes who don't get a reputation and that reputation is not a good one. * **Finally, learn to separate up-time from down-time and don't stew over what's happening with your business.** Your business is not you. A knock on your product is not a knock on you. And go into assuming that in the world of business, people are assholes. All the damn time. Because I have spent my entire career working with high-net worth, megalomaniacal assholes, the ages of, say, 27 to 35 were challenging for me. These dudes are tough and I let them negatively impact plenty of weekends, vacations, trips across the world, christmas days, new years eves, and the like. And I took it personally and it really got under my skin. While I've grown out of being bothered by it, you would do well to never be bothered by it at all, from day one, and instead, view it as part of the process of living, growing, and evolving. So that wraps up part 1. I'll be posting part 2 in the next couple of days. If you have questions or comments, ask away. **Edit:** Brief for investors is at *thecompanybrief dot com* and can also be found at *nfx dot com.*",,40,johneyapocalypse,2020-05-26 19:22:27 marriedredpill,gqt3ed,"Own Your Shit Weekly - May 26, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,22,AutoModerator,2020-05-26 08:24:23 marriedredpill,gq2d5d,When was the last time you fucked your woman?,"When was the last time that you actually fucked your woman HARD and FAST with reckless abandon like a wild man looking to shoot his hot load inside of her? When was the last time you ravished your woman by absolutely demolishing her little body into a pulp, perhaps even turning her ass red, curled up in the corner of your bedroom, and maybe some exhausted tears running down her face? When was the last time you fucked your wife so hard that she stopped being able to talk or communicate during sex, and you let out a primal roar as you grabbed her hips and thrust yourself inside of her repeatedly? When was the last time you grabbed your woman by the hips, threw her down on the bed and ripped her pants just down to her knees and pounded her from behind like a man who has been dying to fuck? How long? Take a minute. I once asked a guy here once who *ironically* ~~quit~~ (**Edit:** *stopped posting to MRP for 3 months after doing exactly what I'm writing about here and updates us below in comments),* /u/ice_walker, that same question who had been here at MRP for 2 FUCKING YEARS. You know what his answer was? [“A year and a half I think, something like that”. ](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/eyn0ea/own_your_shit_weekly_february_04_2020/fgi8ai0?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x) What was his problem? >*The relationship is an escape from the everyday life, a waterhole to replenish energy, a safe place for two individuals to meet for* ***sharing their sexuality*** > >*she doesn't feel* ***connected*** *and hence she doesn't want to be close etc etc.* > >*I think what she means is ""play by my rules, be more at home and I might give you a little bit of* ***closeness***\*/sex/whatever.""\* That blew my fucking mind. Here we had a faggot that was on his journey for nearly two years and hadn’t figured out that he used sex to feel “close” and it validated his emotional needs. That’s not what sex is for, or at the very least it’s not until you figure out how to kill the [validation needs that can poison your sex life.](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/ab7vt5/validation_needs_that_can_poison_your_sex_life/) **Say this to yourself: I do not receive the feeling of being close to a woman through sex (right now).** **----------------------------------------------------------** When I began my journey I didn’t really fuck my wife hard and fast and *ravish* her. Maybe every once in a couple months. I thought that she wanted good and passionate sex that would give her emotions. I was only partly right. I was fucking her in her frame. Sure – your woman wants to have sex full of emotions, but not the kind that you think. Go read SGM, it’s on the sidebar. It talks about DEVI concepts. Dominance. Emotion. Variety. Immersion. There are many ways to incorporate these concepts but if you’re not getting the first one down in the beginning (dominance) you’re not going to get anywhere with your mental models since she is the [most responsible teenager in the house](http://no-maam.blogspot.com/2012/06/woman-most-responsible-teenager-in.html) and you will continually be in her frame during sex. What kind of woman wants to fuck themselves anyways? >*It all harkens back to the one fundamental principle guiding male-female relations: Chicks love submitting to powerful men.* So if you want to spend your time learning about different ways to finger her and hit her G-spot, or maybe quietly play with her tits in the bar, or have sex with her in the backseat of the car, or light up the bathroom with candles and draw her a warm bath and slowly carress her body while playing your wedding song in the background – if you ain’t fucking her hard on the regular like you are a man that wants to fuck – none of that matters. You woman WANTS to be taken by you. She WANTS to submit to strong, powerful, masculine man. She WANTS you to take her body as your own and do with it *as you wish to please yourself.* She wants her body used as a vehicle of your pleasure, disregarding her own, and in that process submit to your desire to drain your sweat, balls, and every inch of who you are *into her.* That gives her the feelz she desires. Then you learn to use this concept of dominance in other ways that aren't perhaps so... in your face. Speaking of which. Cum on her face. That's a good dominant move. You know how I keep harping here all the time that your woman can *feelz* through all of your bullshit and your inner most fears and ego? She can also *feelz* this too… and these are the types of feelz we talk about when SGM talks about emotion and immersion and dominance. Variety is easy. Through your giving of yourself to her – giving her everything you’ve got and living on your edge of reckless abandon – you are taking exactly what you want. But at the same time giving her your authentic self sexually and she feels through this. If you’re hiding that part of yourself from yourself during sex, she will feel that as well. If you’re stuck in your head about “*maybe I should insert one more finger and give her the spiderman for 60 seconds followed by a little tease of my tongue against her clit*”… she’s going to feel that. Like a robot, dude. And that's shitty sex for everyone no matter how many EVI ways you try without the D. So get out of your fucking head. Just go FUCK your woman. Fuck her until her eyes roll back into her head and she's blabbering nonsense. If there’s *anything* you should be saying inside your head during this it should be along the lines of: “I love demolishing this little fucking body with my cock. You dirty little slut. Fuck you.” Use some controlled anger if you have to. Use those pent up emotions you've learned to control with a cup of STFU and let them explode *through you and into her*. Then once you get that down? Do it again. And again. And again. # Free yourself sexually first Inside of every woman is a little slut that is begging permission to be freed. Either she has met her before, or she has been chained inside of her for the entirety of her sexual history. This is the part of her that wants to be unleashed in the bedroom – and ironically the part of a woman that you want unrestrained as well. Women just want *permission* for it to be OK. You give a woman permission to do so by freeing yourself first from all insecurities. As I write often: The masculine grows through challenge. It’s ultimate reward is freedom. Break through the barriers of your fears and beta-shit-goblin on your shoulder saying, “*She isn’t like that. She doesn’t like it when we have rough sex.”* You're a liar. A woman doesn’t like rough dominant sex with a man that is inside his own head and doing it for *her.* She wants that primal, raw, unfiltered sexual version of you. The same you want out of a woman. So fuck her hard. Then you won’t care about the spiderman, or some other crazy sex move you read about in SGM or saw in a porn (you've stopped watching porn by now, right?)… because you won’t have to. You will have given her the gift of Dominance and if accepted, your woman will complete the mutual cycle of gifting through her submission – which you gave to her as well. That’s why we advocate often here that you caveman. Especially when your woman is giving you faked submissive duty sex. Take it. And take it how a man would. With hasty carelessness, without consequence, and the way that a strong masculine man would. Remind yourself that you’re a man. A man who is full of power and uses that power to penetrate his woman as he does the world. Then you can do the chocolates and bathtub music if you like for some variety, but don’t expect her to fuck you like the little slut I know she is… and I guarantee she is… who’s been stuck in a sexual prison because you put her there. Yes, it's all your fault your woman sucks at sex (with you) or doesn't like it (with you). Break yourself free first. Then like a good woman normally does - she will follow your lead. Or maybe she won’t. And if she doesn’t? Doesn’t matter, got laid. **Good sex is your responsibility.**",,226,HornsOfApathy,2020-05-25 02:08:41 marriedredpill,gntzvp,"[60 DOD] Week 6, Finances","Your average person sucks at finances. I expect you to suck at finances too. ## Salary From a financial perspective, there is your floor and there is your ceiling. The most important thing you can do for your own stability is to raise your floor. This means getting the skills you need to get to a comfortable amount of money to live on at a bare minimum. >We found that the ideal income point is $95,000 for life evaluation and $60,000 to $75,000 for emotional well-being... this amount is for individuals and would likely be higher for families -- [[Source]](https://www.inc.com/eric-mack/the-exact-amount-of-money-it-takes-to-make-a-person-happy-just-got-an-update.html) >In Canada and the United States, an income of $105,000 provides the most life satisfaction, while globally the ideal average income is $95,000. If you're not there, figure out how you get there. That's your floor. When you hit a good floor, figure out how to raise your ceiling. Here's what you don't do - don't raise your ceiling by trading more hours. That's stupid. You're not making more money. You're just investing more time. Figure out how to get your $/hr up. ## Investing Warren Buffet has 2 simple rules for investing. Don't forget the 2 rules. 1. Never lose money. 2. Never forget rule No. 1. I'm a shitty investor. For the most part, I find it boring. People will tell you that if you invest $10,000 today, in 30 years, it'll be worth $60,000! What they don't tell you is the vast majority of gains happen on the tail end. Do you know how much that $10,000 is going to be in 10 years? $18,200. A whopping $8,200 over 10 years. If you can take that $10,000 and do something tangible that will result in $8,200 or more of actual or implicit value within 10 years (for example, raising your salary ceiling), it's a much better way to spend your money. Where's the fun in watching your money grow by 6% annualized year after year? Did you think that last paragraph was good advice? If you did, you weren't paying attention. You forgot rule #2. Instead of $8,200 of virtually a sure thing, you decided to take on more risk betting that you could execute a strategy that'll get you higher returns. My retirement accounts comprise about 50% of my cash value. These retirement accounts are all broad market ETFs since I have a 30+ year time frame. I set it, put my 401k contributions in, and forget it. You put in $15,000 a year and let it grow for 30 years, and you're looking at $1.2M. Can't afford $15,000 a year to add to a 401k? Go back to the salary section. ## Gambling Not literal gambling, but rather higher risk investment options. The type of investments that can potentially lose you some or all of your money. The first rule of gambling is: 1. Never ~~invest~~ gamble money that you can't afford to lose. No payout will ever be worth losing what you can't afford to lose. And if you're going to gamble, you're better off assuming you're going to lose it all - but hopefully the experience you gain from losing it will be worth the cost. That said -- if you're going to gamble with money you can afford to lose, my advice is Roth IRA Options Trading. Highly leveraged tax free earnings. You'll probably lose it all, but at least it's fun! ## Debt The simple rule of thumb here is don't carry debt. If you have to ask whether, the answer is ""No"". The smarter way to handle debt is that it's a tool to be used. Can you get more value out of the debt than the cost? For example, we're moving soon and buying a new house. Generally, people suggest a 20% down payment. I look at that and it's just not smart. Current interest rates are at 3%, markets have had a 30-40% pullback, and I see absolutely no reason why I would want to part with more cash. Instead, I take the 5% down payment, some tiny amount of PMI due to my credit score, and keep an extra $50,000 cash on hand to invest in stocks. It's the same reason I have car payments. Could I pay off the car completely? Sure, but why would I want to? The bottom line is this, if you're going to take on debt, don't ever be in a position where you can't pay off everything within 1 month if you need to. As a grown ass adult, your job is to figure out how to use debt to make you more money. Don't be in a position where your debt can be used to enslave you. ## FIRE FIRE is bullshit. Get to a point in your life and career where you can have a ""fuck you"" mindset regarding money because you know your market worth and can execute on that even in a massive pandemic and recession.",,32,[deleted],2020-05-21 09:56:32 marriedredpill,gnti2e,How to handle accusations of affairs 201,"This is the 3.5 year follow up to [the 101 version of this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/5jw1f7/how_to_handle_accusations_of_affairs_101/). In the previous version, you learned how to pressure flip and change the paradigm. It's not ""I'm not going to have an affair"", but ""Don't give me a reason to have an affair."" You put it out there honestly that if and when you have an affair, it won't be a surprise to her. She can always trust you because you have enough faith in yourself that you see no reason to bullshit. Good job! Here's the 201 version. > Q: Are you having an affair? > A: Are you sure you want to know? As a warning, do not skip the 101 version and go straight to the 201. Because if you do, the response you're going to get back is ""Of course I do you fucking prick. Watch me divorce rape your ass.""",,22,[deleted],2020-05-21 09:13:27 marriedredpill,gmkkjh,"Own Your Shit Weekly - May 19, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,25,AutoModerator,2020-05-19 08:24:24 marriedredpill,gi75i0,"Own Your Shit Weekly - May 12, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,22,AutoModerator,2020-05-12 08:24:25 marriedredpill,ggl9s6,"60 DoD Week 5: Game Mindset (Lats, Levels & FITYMI)","Welcome back to 60 Days of Dread, the annual MRP event devoted to improving *you.* We’ve talked about [how to game](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/470ynp/60_dod_week_5_game/?ref=search_posts) in the past. This year, we’re talking about the *mindset* behind your #60DoD game and other improvements. Do you improve in order to game your wife? What if you've never gamed your wife, and now it's inauthentic to start? How do we borrow frame until we get there? **Lats and Levels** When I started lifting, my Lats were non-existent. My shoulders were the same width as my rib cage, so trying to “flex” my lats was like trying to wiggle my ears. I couldn’t have found the place in my own brain used to control them, any more than I could have controlled a new tail. I started doing Lat Pulldown with the wrong muscles and poor form. I was doing my best impression of what I saw other men doing - moving the stack of weights up and down. I lacked the awareness to see that their spines, shoulders, feet, hips and neck were also involved, and it was more than just moving the bar. I could have read about weight training and diet all day long, and watched every youtube video on Lat Pulldowns. But I never learned how to tell my brain to *use* my Lats until I *did it myself*, over and over. The progression was something like this: 1. My lat *does not exist*. I don’t know the *feeling/place* in my own brain that controls it. My exercise is a *crude impression of what I observe from other men,* but it gives me a place to start. 2. My lat muscle exists, when I’m under the bar I remind myself *to use Lats here, just like we learned*. I know the *place in my own brain* that controls the muscle. 3. My lat is a part of my body’s whole tool kit. It cooperates with my other muscles to perform tasks, almost automatically. I don’t have to consciously engage it to pull a bar (or to launch a giggling child into the lake). When I started gaming my wife and learning how to talk to women, my ability was non-existent. I didn’t know the place in my own brain that told me *When, How and Why* to use the Game muscle. Instead, I did a *crude impression* of what I saw other men doing. But just like the lat pulldown machine, my mindset was off: I was forcing the movements, instead of developing a Game muscle of my own. You may see where I’m going with this. You can develop yourself like a muscle. Your discipline, your ability to STFU or game your wife, even your motivation and discipline - these can be trained, and they follow a similar path to developing a lat for the first time: 1. My Game muscle doesn’t exist. I am performing a crude impression of what I see other men doing; I have poor form and I’m trying too hard. 2. My Game muscle exists, and I can remind myself to use it (time to game my wife now, just like we practiced) 3. Game is one muscle in my kit, and it works *naturally with the other tools* to accomplish my goals (or to launch a giggling wife into the lake). **Fake It Till You Make It, and Borrowed Frame** There is a point where each of us must try something we’ve never done before. To start, the *mindset* (or motivation for what you’re doing) might be nothing more than a crude imitation of what you see other men doing. Here’s where Fake It Till You Make It is a valuable tool. Stated more simply: Act like you are (x), while you authentically become (x). When you start gaming your wife for the first time in years (or doing anything else for the first time), it’s going to be *inauthentic by definition*. Don’t be afraid to try something even though it feels unnatural; have enough self-awareness to realize why it feels unnatural, and work through that. I’m gonna buy a boat and start Barracuda’s Fishing Charters LLC. Before I land my first client, I’m still going to act like the captain of a charter fishing boat. No one has paid me for my services yet, but I’m going to portray the confidence of someone who’s been a professional for years. Is that deceptive or dishonest? No, and I’m not going to lie about any part of it. But I’m going to borrow that frame until it becomes authentic, when I have paying clients of my own. I want you to Fake It Till You Make It by borrowing the frame of another man. A man you admire, one who is strong where you are weak. Steal it and make it your own. And no, I’m not talking about pretending to be u/red-sfpplus on your next date night with the wife (although it might work, post an FR either way.) So who is this strong man whose frame we’re going to steal? It’s you, *your frame*, in the future. Take on the persona of the man who has been doing this for years - steal that frame until you make it your own, today. Want to hear something legitimately crazy? I’ve asked myself, in important moments: *What would Barracuda do?* This is not a blaspheme on the WWJD phrase. I have a very clear vision of my future frame, and the distance to there from where I am today. I steal *that guy’s* frame. And I Fake It until I adopt that frame as authentically being a part of my own. That’s the second part of FITYMI, the dangerous part that we don’t talk about: “Till You Make It.” Have you met a man who is so inauthentic, living so long in borrowed frames, that even the sound of his own voice seems like he’s doing an impression of someone else? When we force it, our wives can tell, too. It is good to borrow another frame while you develop, but it is dangerous (and unattractive) to get stuck in the *faking*. You may notice a heavy correlation to the Dancing Monkey Improvement Program, where MRP guys try to imitate everything they see without learning it for themselves - the results are disastrous. The time will quickly arrive when your lat pulldown needs to be more than just a crude imitation of what you see in the gym. Similarly, your ability to Game your wife should be developed on your own, along with the nuance of how *you* use it, not just by following the examples set by MRP. You’ll learn to deal with wives and bosses by reading books, but that should eventually be replaced by your own authentic frame. We follow the rules, so we know how to break them. >“One pretends to do something, or copy someone or some teacher, until it can be done confidently and easily in what becomes one’s own style.”– Cary Grant (stolen from [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/g7drug/60_dod_2020_week_4_style_got_chucks_on_with_saint/) \#60DoD post) Here’s the most important part. Your mindset, your own motivation and ability to discipline yourself to do *anything* \- that can be developed, too. Let’s get back to the question at hand. What's your mindset behind what you're trying to do - gaming your wife, pumping your lats, or learning to STFU? 1. I’m doing this for the OYS forums (it’s good for me, but I’m still faking it - *others* hold me accountable) 2. I’m doing this because someone told me to; I’m doing this to save my marriage, I’m doing this because I believe the outcome will save *me* 3. I’m doing this - all of it - because it has become an authentic part of who I am. My mindset, discipline and motivation are inextricably tied to my mission; they don’t waiver based on any external circumstances We borrow a bit of frame every time we participate in OYS, or read about MRP vets who are already living the frame we want to adopt. Instead of looking at MRP as a flowchart to follow, seek to have your frame authentically incorporate all of the things you’ve practiced. You’ll realize that you weren’t training for 100 Sets of Rules to Counter Hypergamy or even how to game your wife. Instead, you’ve been developing one man who is the composite of many tools, much like your developed lat muscle became a single point in a larger, stronger body. The more I realize the path to becoming a fully actualized man, I realize the path to becoming that guy is less like *changing*, and more like *remembering.* Less like pulling from outward sources, more like aligning to internal authenticity. Don’t be afraid to Fake It Till You Make It, or to adopt the frame of strong men who came before you. Steal frame from the future version of yourself that you have defined clearly with your vision. Don’t get stuck performing a crude impression of anyone else. Remember *why* you’re doing this, and be aware if you take motivation from an outside force. Notice when you’re outgrowing your borrowed frame, and develop into one authentic version of you that masters these skills for himself. Then toss those motherfuckin kids into the lake as high as you can. \--- Edit: Some additional reading on the topic. A recent [thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/fu3k1v/have_you_swallowed_the_red_chewable_tablet/fmb39w1?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x) by u/armcandy from this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/fu3k1v/have_you_swallowed_the_red_chewable_tablet/) by u/Red-Curious: >We all have to go through a phase of “fake it til you make it”, but you’re still faking basic interactions. At some point you need to find a way to interact that’s authentic for you so and stop trying to manipulate specific reactions out of her. Also linked is the excellent post discussing game, [frame and intentional narcissism](https://www.rianstone.com/blog/2019/8/16/authenticity-revisited) with u/rstonept: >The fact that so many people think being good at Game means you want to be Don Draper is missing the point. I won't put words in the author's mouth, but it's almost like Don Draper is a borrowed frame from a better version of Whitman... ",,37,BarracudaRP,2020-05-09 18:55:47 marriedredpill,gf09ij,I think I might have just accidentally swallowed the wrong pill.,"This is a WALL. But getting this off my chest feels good so I'm gonna leave it that way. TLDR I'm respected more for not placating my common law wife. How can I do sweet romantic things that she lives for and not get re-wrapped up in a cycle of false compromise? &#x200B; So just a funny story. Been going through some stuff lately with all this extra face time with my partner. For the last 11 years we have been in a battle of wits because ever since taking a few classes on human sexuality in college I came to the conclusion that ""I don't want to have sex with just one person for the rest of my life"" and ever since we have just been at odds, every argument devolving into ""well if you just want other women then go"" and I would swallow my pride and try and make things up as best I could. Don't really regret any of this but in retrospect I was just hurting myself my not just ""doing what I want"" and letting the chips fall where they may. I stifled my education, felt no motivation to acquire wealth or solidify friendships. It all kept coming back to this futility between what I want and what I am ""supposed"" to want. All I wanted was to do this in the ""best"" way for both of us, wanted to be as honest as possible, and wanted to ultimately fill our life with love and social connection. She wouldn't even accept that I wanted those things, It had to be about her vulnerability in life, and everything I was saying/doing was just a means to get away and marry some other girl.... And my play was to waste my entire 20's on this?!? Fast forward to the vids-19 and I simply couldn't keep pretending like this wasn't ruining my life. Basically a ""I love you, but I now realize that if I don't do this for myself then I won't respect myself as a man, or even as a father, and I don't want to bring crippled life into this world."" Didn't even have to say ""I'm going do it or I'm going to leave"" or any truly shitty ultimatum, just simply ""I am going to be doing this, and I respect you're decision to do what you will with that information. Boom. Instant ""I want you to be happy, I know you really care about me etc. etc. etc. we can make this work."" Where was this the last 10 years when I was trying to compromise and do things without being a dick? Why is this here now? So off we go, she tells me ""I'd like to be a part of this journey with you, if you're patient with me I WANT to come along."" Go on a dating app for ethical non mono's, find a beautiful woman (whose partner wasn't a total goob) who was keenly interested in dating. All lights are green, I'm communicating with both of them and we are jiving well, I'm feeling... Good. I start exercising more, cut crap out of my diet. It was easy! I had reason! I WANTED to be attractive again. And it felt... Great. Like a literal cloud had lifted from my vision and I could taste the vigor and optimism I had in my early 20s before it was chipped away. I started answering calls, I ""forgot"" to smoke weed from sunrise to sunset. So many things in life just started falling back into place. When the time comes and we start a group text, everyone is talking and jiving, but I realize that my partner has only said one thing, and it's starting to feel awkward all around. When I ask her if she is having a hard time opening up, or if there is a reason she doesn't feel comfortable participating in the conversation she says... her fingers hurt too much.... Your fingers hurt?!?!? I excuse myself for a moment to try and smooth over my bubbling anger and take the time to think of the words to express my frustration, less than 3 or 4 minutes literally just took a piss. I come back and she is sleeping on the couch. I become livid, absolutely livid (I have also been having to deal with the unemployment office on a daily basis which is incompetent as hell so my patience as a whole is way less than usual.) I tell myself I am going to have a glass of wine... literally black out after the first few sips and wake up with half a 6 pack and a pack of cigarettes with 4 missing. I was devastated, I had worked so hard to quit smoking, and had gotten my drinking under control years ago and I allowed myself to be crushed by petty squabble. Long story short every micro step of the way she was sabotaging me, changing the rules of engagement. Generally running diversion as a means of delaying the inevitable. Fast forward to today. In general we do our best to keep our good time ""good."" So we decide to pack a lunch and take a short 5 or so mile hike through the woods and have great conversation about our family, life goals, what we would want for our children. Just general good stuff that you look for in a good relationship. Get home, and try and tactfully inquire about some sexy time. She says something along the lines of ""its hard for me to feel sexy when your talking to other women."" so I take that for what it is, wait a while and eventually just rub one out. Not a huge deal, I've been taking care of myself for years now. Some time later she comes up as I'm working on some Spanish lessons, asks me if I emailed her the recipe for this pizza dough I've been working on for the last 3 weeks (she knows I already did, she had it pulled up on her phone and I could see it!) I tell her that I'm pretty sure it's in her hand right now, she asks if I want to help her make it... Nah not what I'm ""wanting"" right now. She tells me she doesn't know how to use the kitchen scale... So I go and show her and carry on about my day. Comes back up as I'm finishing my last lesson and asks, again, if I ""want"" to go pick up some cheese from the store for her... You know what, sure, I could use the air and stroll and I do love you after all. I pop into the store, and grab 2 things instinctively. The cheese, and her favorite flowers. As I'm walking back up the driveway the heavy shit hits... If I'm buying her these flowers because I want sex I'm just fucking myself over. I'm literally rewarding her for playing hard to get and trying to stifle my upward momentum. And out of my mouth with glee, almost as if they weren't my own words I say. ""Theses are my flowers!"" I come in hand her the cheese with flowers in hand. She is beaming, eyes welling up. ""Why did you get me flowers?"" I tell her I didn't, and that I got them because I just wanted them. I ask her, ""where do we keep the vases again?"" Plop that vase right in my officer and carry on with my day. She literally won't stop BEGGING to give me sexual attention. But I'm good just wanked! This is CRAZY. But it doesn't feel anymore crazy than what I was doing before placating her every-move. Any tips to not ride this train off a cliff? I feel like I can still feel this way, and be sweet and loving and romantic, but right now I'm getting more positive attention being an asshole. I never wanted to believe that the whole ""assholes"" get girls thing was even real in any sense. Can I just like convey this to her somehow or am I best off maxing out on this new found mentality. Yeeehaw!",,11,weppus,2020-05-07 05:03:40 marriedredpill,ge79vq,Why You Must Be Willing to Nuke Your Nuclear Family,"Here's short version of this post: Your wife holds a trump card you don’t want to admit she has, but you both know it. Take her card and burn it. Otherwise, you will fail. That card? Your nuclear family. \----------------------------- ***Edit:*** *Based on feedback here, I think it's important to say the following things as a disclaimer before you read this:* * The keyword in the title of this post is ""**WILLING**"". * I'm not advocating pushing the button. Nor am I condoning it. * If you aren't at least 6 months into your journey and past the anger phase, please save this post for later. You will blow shit up otherwise. * This is MRP endgame. **This is very advanced stuff.** All of this is predicated on the fact that you've done the work and you're now a worthy and high-value man that isn't bullshitting himself in any area of his life. \----------------------------- A long time ago somewhere along the line in your lizard brain you evolved to have an instinct to protect and serve your woman and children. The difference today is that this instinct (and great trait, I believe) has been *manipulated* to be used against you – and to prey on these masculine so that you give them from a place of neediness rather than abundance. No better social programming that relies on your hard-wired evolutionary psychology than this: **The nuclear family.** It draws on your desire to protect and provide for those closest to you – **at all costs. AT. ALL COSTS.** But now, you likely approach this act of giving to *keep* your woman and children. Only low value beta men do things to *keep* a woman. High value men provide as a *gift* without covert contracts. Because they can gift through *abundance.* From a new poster here, /u/DrBeaufort, he said [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/g9jcyr/own_your_shit_weekly_april_28_2020/fp055rg?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x) \- >My internal dialogue was that I would normally never let someone treat me this way, but in this case my infant son and struggling wife needed my help, so I couldn't leave or set any boundaries. I felt trapped. Most men do (and continue to) aspire to the idea of the Nuclear Family. Shitty parents? I’ll do better. Great parents? I want to do that too. It is programmed into our DNA to love, protect and provide security to women and our children. It's not wrong, it's just all the rules have changed. Hypergamy is hard-wired into a woman's DNA. The desire to protect and serve their tribe is also wired into a strong masculine man’s DNA. Cavemen would go out hunting and gathering to support their (notice the ownership?) cavewoman and raise their cavebabies. If she stopped doing her part by taking care of the kids and him, giving him easy access to sex, and keeping the cave tidy and meals cooked - he would kick her out and get a new cavewoman - because there would be a line of cavebitches outside his cave who are in line to be with a high value caveman that could hunt, gather and protect little cavewomen and cavebabies. This *was* how a man provided value and was a fair arrangement between the sexes. She would spend her entire youth learning the skills required to be a good cavewoman so she was valuable to a caveman. Conversely, the caveboy would spend his entire youth learning the skills required to be a valuable caveman and if he chose, to gift that to a cavewoman. The man had the power of *choice.* He was the gatekeeper to commitment. Even with choice, the caveman was more likely to function higher in the dominance hierarchy by having a cavewoman to add *value* to his life. The women did not have a choice – as their skills were developed to amplify and enhance that of the man’s. Together they could rise up the dominance hierarchy where their odds of survival were higher with access to more resources. Men experienced freedom and challenge from the tribe. Women experienced protection, security and praise from the tribe. And so the bond was formed that allowed both of them to fulfill their deepest desires and fulfill a mutual cycle of gifting. Until recently (1950 and 2nd wave feminism), that shit worked. It was the same caveman/cavewoman dynamic. Enter child support, government subsidies for women, and *equality*. Now a woman can freely pump out a few kids, stop doing her part as the cavewoman, become a *cavebitch,* and take half of her caveman's shit while being supported by all the other cavemen who pay taxes, AND continue to get half of his moose carcass every time he makes a kill… until her children can support themselves. And what prevents her from doing this? **Nothing.** Not even fucking another caveman! So why would she keep giving access to sex? The first reason she'll do that is if you're that high-value caveman that's willing to say, ""*Look cavewoman. You ain't cutting it. I'm going to give you first shot here - but if shit doesn't change to meet my needs, I'm going to the line of cavebitches outside to get what I need. No hard feelings. And yeah, you'll probably get half of the caveshit and the moose I kill next week - but as you get older and less valuable to other cavemen, well... you'll be last in line at the next cave. Just look objectively at the line. So STFU or get in the back of the line behind all hotter and younger cavebitches waiting outside*."" The second reason that you would have access to sex is because you have proven that you’re the highest value mate available. The muscular caveman from good stock who won the annual rock carrying contest last year against his other local cavemen and is respected by all the other cavemen. By proxy, it gives her the best mate and social status. Women have always understood this at a subconscious level - but then enter 3rd wave feminism where women lie to each other so that they can let hypergamy run amok and level the playing field. ""*Oh my fellow cavebitch, listen. You don't need no caveman! You can take half his shit, set yourself up in your own cave and do you own thing for a while - other cavemen will be coming to your cave! They'll see how awesome you are. You can do anything a caveman can*!"" Problem is, men admire other men for that type of behavior. We don't admire that in women. Women believe that since we admire that masculine direction of freedom that it will make them attractive to us. It doesn't - and is the huge feminist lie. We admire femininity, beauty, and a woman who supports us and the cavebabies we make as we explore that which is outside the cave – and secretly gushes at our 12-point buck we hauled in from the field that we proudly display on the wall. Everytime she sees it on the wall she is reminded that she fucked the winner. Kind of the same reason nothing is ever good enough. Big house. Bigger house. Nice car. Nicer car. Big Buck. Bigger buck. # Why did you listen to this fucked up shit? This is where the blue-pill comes in. Modern-Cavewomen^(TM) say to you: ""*Look, everything is going to be fine! Yeah, cavewomen are hard work. But if you just listen to what I need, and compromise, and take good care of ME, and give ME everything I WANT... ME... I mean WE.... can have an equal partner marriage and be happy. And if you decide you want to fuck other cavewomen - well that's just wrong! You're a not a good caveman for doing that! Now, come over here and let me suck your little cavedick.*"" How can you not see the manipulation in that? How can you not see the solipsism in that? Since when has being a fantastic man had *anything* to do with making her the prize? Do you know what a high value caveman would do if he heard that shit? **He'd nope the fuck out and get another cavewoman.** In a matter of weeks the she would die, find another suitable protector and mate, or find a way to get Chad McCavetroll to throw her some food scraps for fucking him on the side of the cave, or somehow adopt caveman skills like hunting (which hold no value to a caveman) and adapt to living alone in a cave lonely as fuck with her 4 sabretooth cavecats. Do see the pattern here with Modern-Cavewoman? **Your woman will become selfish and ungrateful for how many fields you plow and how great you look because in the back of your mind you always are trying to live up to her equal standard of being a “Good Caveman” and wouldn't dare fuck another cavewoman.** **She LITERALLY has you BY THE BALLS.** Inevitably, we know this doesn't fulfill their hypergamous desire to fuck the winner in the long run. The entire focus is on her and controlling the outcomes - which is a masculine caveman strength. Not feminine. Basically, this is a long way of explaining RP 101 Rational Male concepts to you (sidebar already dude). Without changing your mental models, you're letting your woman know that all those cavebitches that will be lined up at your cave are ***off limits***, which cancels out *every need for her to do her part to complete the cycle required for mutual success*. She doesn't have to fuck, clean, look pleasant with a soft demeanor, or cook because... why would a high value caveman turn down hot as fuck cavebitches who really desire to fuck him when at the same time, she is not giving him that same desire and doing her part? Because deep down he's a cavefaggot. **And dread is ALWAYS meaningless and backfires on faggots.** # Yeah, it’s waaay fucking backwards. I mean, kind of. Let's bring it all back full circle now. I wrote in [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/f70l7g/your_womans_most_wonderful_gift_the_epic_test/): >*She WANTS you to pass this test. She desires in the darkest parts of who she is as a woman for you to fucking crush this and make yourself a man of high value. This woman has likely been on your team all along.* And here's the big secret that I want to share with you, brother. **She WANTS you to be** ***willing and able*** **to NUKE it all.** Your woman wants you to be able to take your pick of the best cavebitches outside your cave waiting on you, but you still pick her. **This signals to her that she is higher value** than all those caveTHOTS, has better skills, is better in the cavebed, and makes her more worthy than any other woman out there. She doesn't even have to say anything. Even if the other cavebitches give her shit; maybe telling her they cook a better venison roast, or they can suck cavedick better, or they're prettier and younger, or have some kind of great value above and beyond what she can offer.... All she has to do is look at them, look at you, realize that this high value caveman **is with her** **over them**, and that's all the proof she needs to say: ""*Look cavebitches, whatever. Look what I have.* *Ya'll can fuck off - I've got the best and you don’t. How 'bout them caveapples?*"" And every time you she secretly knows you’ll refuse to pick one of the other cavebitches because of some retarded bluepill indoctrination, she secretly feels less and less valuable to her hypergamous cavesisters and moves further down the dominance hierarchy where she has more unattractive options. But, if you don't need side-cavewoman because YOURS is doing her part very well – and you let her know with an acceptable amount of praise through your ACTIONS - she knows she's the most valuable woman in line. Period. Even Modern CavewomenTM derive their greatest sense of value in the world from this feeling. Do you ever notice how happy women are to be on the arm of a high value man in public? Take a look next time you see one. They are *beaming* with feminine energy and light up a room. Because they are *happy.* Otherwise, your woman feelz like her man isn't as valuable, and in turn, she holds no value either. That's the worst thing that can happen to her in this world, so her epic test either serves her by weeding you out - or making you high value. A side effect of this high value is that you then have your pick. She desires in the darkest parts of who she is to be your first pick. # Coming Full Circle If you have worked yourself up the dread ladder and come to the FMOFY speech (also in the sidebar MMSLP by Athol Kay) then you likely understand the power of what that speech can do\*\*.\*\* **Frankly, I think the FMOFY speech is bullshit.** I think if you’ve worked yourself up that high onto the ladder and are *forced or coerced* to have that speech, you are still trying to negotiate desire. And who the fuck wants to negotiate desire by holding your wife and kids hostage? You want your wife to fuck you with crippling anxiety? I never did. I knew that at some point my woman was fucking to survive and I see the FMOFY speech as a retarded way to overtly declare “Fuck me, or you’ll suffer the loss of me.” Weak. If she hasn’t figured out by then you’re a man who likes to fuck – and needs to fuck – then you’ve been fucking up all along anyways. Why go overt? I’d rather change that mental model here. I don’t suggest the FMOFY speech, but the reasoning behind it is all the same. Your woman wants you to not need her. She despises your neediness in every hidden corner of your mind and will prey on it. Only when you no longer need her or your nuclear little family will she understand that you have the power of choice and she can NO LONGER hold the power of the nuclear family hostage against you. Valuable men are always the gatekeepers of commitment, and she’s not valuable enough to commit to – even with all the new fucked up Marriage 2.0 rules. Now that, sir, is a statement to her ego. **She knows how much you have always** ***dreamed*** **of having a nuclear family with loving parents and children** ***together.*** She feels through all this – and is reinforced by your actions and words. She feels through every fiber of your being that you love your children in a powerful way and wish to be a part of their lives. **But she also knows that the rules have changed** ***in her favor***\*\*.\*\* AWALT? Yes. Don’t think for a fucking second that they haven’t hamstered and questioned their security (along with their children) if you two split up. She knows it would suck, but she could probably milk you of enough resources to make everything “ok”. This is a game you cannot win. # So what to do? Nothing is more powerful than a man that knows his own direction, is his own leader, and does not give a fuck what the world wants from him – but creates and takes what is his. That is freedom. That is direction. This is what a man does. Everyday that she feels you not pursuing your core desires for freedom she *knows* that you are not being true to your core of masculinity and she still holds the trump card over all your passed shit tests. Yes, you might be reading this and saying “*Wow, Horns.* *You are really going fucking Rambo here*.” If you read through my history you’ll see I was the least likely man here to go Rambo, yet, I know that when you have achieved Outcome Independence and become your own Mental Point of Origin – **there is one final test that you have created for yourself since you were a young boy.** Can you live in this world and forsake *everything* just because you choose to be who you are? Can you nuke fucking *everything* so that you can make your own choices and not allow even *your own children* (who you love) prevent you from pursuing your deepest and most powerful core masculine desire of *freedom*? **Are you willing to nuke it all so that you can pursue your rightfully desired passion for joy?** Or are you going to remain trapped? **This is the test you give yourself.** If you cannot pass your own test, you will fail, and she will always use this to her advantage. It will be a small cloud looming over your head for the entirety of your life that you will try to ignore but she will always see. If you choose the *idea* of giving your children an intact family over your own happiness you will never succeed. You know who I think did this? [Jeff “Chad” Bezos](https://i.imgur.com/OrGgfTI.jpg). Richest motherfucker on the planet. Got ripped in the gym. Nuked it all because… well, I can only suspect – but let’s just presume he got woke and was willing to nuke it all to pursue his joy and happiness. Lost billions. Do you think he cared? # You can have a preference. And yes, you can prefer that your little nuclear family survives. **But let's be clear about one thing up front.... Preference implies you have a choice.** You are a man with the nuclear codes. Sure, you could hit the button at anytime. But the difference between TRP and MRP praxeology is this: your kids *and* your woman are standing right next to you and that nuke. This idea of “nexting” (nuking) is rooted in TRP logic and is the most powerful tool in your arsenal – your ultimate trump card – your ability to remove all you time and attention *permanently*. Take back the nuke button, but don't use Rambo to get it. He'll use it on the way back to you for fun. You must be willing to push the button to pursue your own joy and happiness. If you flinch, you fail. You don’t *have* to press it though. But you sure as fuck better be willing and able to. And when you can – with complete congruence to your desire for freedom and release from constraint that which could trap you – your woman will *feel* through this. She will know. And if you’re not a LARPing faggot she might just shut the fuck up, get in line, and get back to doing what a good woman does for a valuable man. And maybe she won’t. Your finger is on the trigger, motherfucker. Dare yourself. Stop being afraid. Dare yourself to live or die trying.",,140,HornsOfApathy,2020-05-05 22:06:22 marriedredpill,ge6m5h,"Starting, Developing, and Evolving Hobbies","There is a scant little discussion on developing hobbies on both this sub, and on the [r/RPChristians](https://www.reddit.com/r/RPChristians) sub so I'm going to go over what's been helpful for me, and why it should matter to you: # Why Hobbies Matter 1. If you don't do what you want to do, you're always going to end up doing what someone else wants you to do. Having good hobbies is a way to maintain your own frame. 2. Hobbies are distinct from your mission, but they can certainly support it. 3. Attractive men stand out from the crowd. They don't blur in with it. Establishing hobbies that reflect who you are give you an outlet for bold expressions of passion that do for your character what peacocking does for your attire. 4. It's just fun. What's the point of being ""red"" or ""blue”, “Alpha” or ""omega"" or whatever if you're not enjoying life? Identifying Hobbies that are Worthwhile There is a difference between a hobby and a chore/work even**t** if the activities are the same. If you use working out as a means of maintaining health and nothing more, consider it work. However if you are bodybuilding, getting bigger better and stronger, etc. This is a hobby. Part of being a man is to stay fit, but not necessarily to be a body builder. Do not limit yourself to only one or two hobbies - especially if you are very very passionate about them. I generally prescribe 3 or more to people. These are not things you have to be constantly working on. You could take a break for a month then come back to it. (For example, if it only snows for 4 mos. a year but you love snowboarding/skiing.) Limiting yourself to a few high passion hobbies can lead to pedistalization of those hobbies, and just like doing it to women, it will But that they exist on the back-burner to be worked on when you have free time. Hobbies are major identity pieces, and just like women you can pedistalize a hobby. The 5 primary categories of Hobbies. **1) Physical Activity/Health ex. Weight lifting.** **2) Financial Gain ex. Picking up scrap metals and selling them.** **3) Artistic Expression ex. Cooking, art, music.** **4) Social Exposure/Networking ex. Volunteering.** **5) High Mental Stimulation ex. Reading, taking classes.** While you can ultimately do what you want with your hobbies, I've found that maintaining balance in my life has been of great benefit. So, here's my model. Out of your 3+ hobbies, all 5 categories should be exhibited. **O**f those 3 each hobby needs to be a combination of at least 2 of these. If you have a hobby that is only 1 it either needs to be developed, or is a waste of time. For example, if you are an artist who never does anything with your art, either get involved in the art scene, sell commissions, or stop. Analyze your hobbies, can you confidently say they are all more than one? # Tips and Tricks: *Finding Forum* There are a number of places online and offline that can be resources for upping your 'hobby game'. Search for Facebook communities or events and go to them. They are worth the extra $20.00 to go to the event. Joining a club or organization. Finding peers is essential to steady progress. *Plan Your Schedule* Be deliberate about your time spent, everything needs a beginning point AND an end point. If you do not have a daily calendar yet, get one. Schedule time for working on your hobby. If you need to shop for supplies, or seek out some kind of inspiration. Give a time limit. Still not inspired? Oh well, start practicing anyway. *Seeking a Teacher* This last part is a no brainer, but seems to be misunderstood once people get out of their college age. Seek someone more experienced then than you - actively seek them out. Of the three, my guess is most of you will grow quickest from this. How do you find a teacher? By joining those forums and watch for the men who  are succeeding the most. Ask them if they can help you out. Altruism is related closely to ego, and there is no short supply of that. Take advantage of it! # Further Development I have found that the more proficient I am at a hobby, the more I enjoy it. The nuances that I didn't notice before become alive and help me appreciate not only my own effort in what I'm doing, but also even observing other people who share the same hobby, making it easier to utilize hobbies for greater social development, intellectual stimulation, or any other one of those facets I described above. To that end, one way of developing a hobby is to expand the scope or depth of how you're utilizing it, preferably in a way that adds one of those new facets to your practice of it. Take cooking, for example. It starts off as ""artistic expression."" You make some food fancy for yourself because you watched Brad from BA make a pantry sandwich. Good job. Now you're interested so you start learning about abstract food - molecular gastronomy, or traditional French cooking like cooking butter in butter or something. And Damn it tastes good. So you invite some friends over to try it. They loved it or hated it, so now you have to improve. You go to a class on cooking and learn knife skills, and wow you didn't cut yourself. Now you're going to the farmers market because rutabaga or some other disgusting vegetable is in season and the hot woman running the business is impressed because ""Wow, you shop farm to table?"" Yeah unlike all of your friends who still by Green Giant frozen peas. You realize that all this food has made your waist grow by 2 inches, so how do I make healthy food taste good? Now it's contributing to your workouts. Seriously how do I get 150 grams of protein a day? Your coworker notices your food prep looks bomb AF. You offer to make twice as much and prep for them if they pay you. (Now you're making money for something you were spending money on.) Now you can move out of your mom's basement. Great job, killer. Get the picture? ""But Praex, what does this have to do with RedPill?"" A man without hobbies is an aimless man, at much higher risk of pedestalizing his wife and kids. You have to know what YOU enjoy doing before it makes sense to ask anyone else to join you in doing them. More to the point: if you don't have things you enjoy doing apart from your family, you will end up becoming co-dependent on them for satisfaction and fulfillment in life, which will give them power over you. Find things to do apart from them to bolster in your own mind that you are independently stable, which will make you more attractive. Hobbies are also an area where a man can find something to strive for. The male drive for improvement is extremely powerful and should be fostered whenever it can. A lack of hobbies forces men to be very narrow in those things which they can build up, which can increase the risk of becoming a workaholic who doesn't know how to have fun or the guy who becomes co-dependent on his wife. Too many hobbies can, of course, spread a man's efforts too thin so that he never becomes truly excellent and admirable at anything. Find a balance and live in that balance. Then there's dread. If your wife is the only person you go to when you want to have fun and relax, it means you're not out in the world away from her. She always has tabs on you and feels more complete in her knowledge of you. The mystery is gone. By learning how to leave your home for a hobby here and there, even if she knows what you're doing, she doesn't actually see it - and who knows if you're actually doing what you said you're doing? The goal here isn't to make her jealous. But there's value in her realizing that she doesn't have you all figured out - that there are parts of your life that extend beyond her. This also has great value in establishing a precedent that she isn't pedestalized in your life. While this can make her more drawn to you (because women love to know about ""EVERYTHING"" in their man's life), it's more significant for YOU that you know you can be fine independent of your family. This breaks the co-dependence, increases dread, and ultimately makes you more attractive and stable as a man ... not to mention that you learn to have more fun out of life! Labeling your hobbies under a few of those 5 categories can help give you purpose and focus to a hobby. In regards to Redpill it will give you opportunities to test out the material you are suppose to be internalizing.(For my RPC brothers) it is essential to have focused hobbies, as this allows you to use them as a means for furthering your mission and growing your sphere of (Godly) influence. Passive hobbies like uninspired television watching doesn't add to those around you, nor does it paint you with the image of a purpose driven man. If you're going to engage in a passive, non-social hobby, like watching television, make sure you think long and hard about how you intend to redeem it - and then ACTUALLY do so. If you say you're going to watch a TV show to connect with other people who watch the same show, what effort are you actually going to take to find those people? Do you already know anyone? Are you going to use the show to build the relationship and ACTUALLY share the Gospel with them through that relationship, or are you just going to have another friend and move on? If you have to change a hobby to be more involved in it, to develop e it into something that challenges you more, there will be more opportunity to influence others and to lead them. Now, share some of your hobbies here and why you do them. Let the guys without hobbies be inspired by the things that keep you amused so they can learn from you and be inspired to figure out who they are and what they enjoy as men.",,77,Praexology,2020-05-05 21:30:04 marriedredpill,gdtuj2,"Own Your Shit Weekly - May 05, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,22,AutoModerator,2020-05-05 08:24:25 marriedredpill,g9jcyr,"Own Your Shit Weekly - April 28, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,21,AutoModerator,2020-04-28 08:24:25 marriedredpill,g8pd33,MCT Rules for Pandemics,"Hi Faggots, Social Distancing is killing most of you betas out there. Despite what she says about being stressed with homeschooling the kids or adjusting to telework at home, lack of attraction is why you aren’t getting laid. It’s also why she is acting like a sexless cunt and bitchy first mate right now. I already see it happening to friends and coworkers. Look, if you ain’t Gaming, you ain’t Fucking. MRP is red pill on hard mode because you have to find a way to game the same woman every day. Once you find it, you must internalize it as your own so it flows out naturally. Especially now, she is seeing you all the time. All of your weaknesses are magnified. For you fat beta fucks, it’s like trying to light a fire with damp wood. She simply isn’t attracted to you. You aren’t getting laid for a reason and she is probably shaming you for even trying. If you ain’t Gaming, you ain’t fucking. Your wife isn’t yours. It’s just your mother fucking turn with her. Don’t be mad that Chad fucked her back in college in the foam party on spring break, he earned it. He gamed her. She thought he was hot. She didn’t need an emotional connection. Mystery’s Cat String Theory still applies. If you just give the string to the cat it will be bored and stop trying. What the typical wife does when she marries beta billy. He turns into a blue pill faggot and she loses attraction.. If you put the string too far away from the cat it won’t try to chase it. You must keep the string just out of reach of the cat and tease it. Keep the attraction going, drive bys, DHVs, teasing like she’s your bratty little sister, kino, Fuck with her mind..always. Now more than ever, keep her mind busy or she fill it in with a bunch of nonsense. 100% chance it will be directly proportional to money too. Your wallet will pay for it. More than ever, women are in competition with each other to display their resources. I know dudes not getting laid but getting suckered/ shamed into expensive kitchen upgrades, building pools, etc. all because they’re failing to guide their wives during this time. Women stay plugged in and spend all fucking day long on instafuck, fuckBook, tik-fucking-tok these days comparing and contrasting their resources with other women, if you aren’t providing the tingles or feelz, she’ll start bitching about the next expensive home renovation or vacation that she REALLY needs. Keep your emotions in check. Don’t show weakness, save it for your bro’s or keep to yourself. She doesn’t give a fuck about you. She only cares how you make HER feelz. Keep your DHVs going. Also keep the illusion of work going. Never break Kayfab. Pro wrestlers never give the act away no matter how silly it is... Always stay in character. Even if you’re considered non essential at work, she doesn’t need to know that. You just got promoted congratulations. Let her know the important work you’re doing. Tell her about the task force you were just assigned to. Wear a fucking headset and act busy as fuck during the day at your laptop. Print out a schedule and mark it the fuck up and tape it on the wall. Get dressed for your skype presentation. If you have free time, start a side business online. Women are attracted to high status and value. Must keep your high value going. If you appear to be doing nothing all fucking day long she’ll dry up. Let her see all your work wives emailing and texting you. Keep giving the gift of Dread. Let her see how much they miss working with you in the office. What have you done for me lately? They don’t give a fuck that you took them on that expensive vacation last summer, what did you do for them right now? Always add right now after everything they say to give it context. Woman are always after more resources, trinkets, and prizes. Don’t get lured into arguments if she says you never do this or that. You never take me on such and such vacation - you’re right, I reserve those for my girlfriends smile and grin. Keep AA at all times. She’s flooded with emotions right now, bet your ass you’ll be shit tested. Don’t take the bait. Lead her. I ordered from XYZ restaurant, I’m leaving to pick it up have the kids ready when I get back. I’m grilling steaks tonight so go ice down the beer. Don’t ask what she wants. Take her on a virtual trip. Everyday around lunchtime, I take her out on the back patio. No kids allowed. Tell those little assholes to stay inside. MCT bought a bottle of red and bottle of white, told her to get her ass out on the back patio. We watched some videos on Napa valley.. travel channel, etc have fun, joke around. NLP terms it’s called future pacing. Talk about the future and what you plan on doing. Keeps her childlike and gets her into her hindbrain and out of her mommy mode forebrain. She feelz stressed from the kids, work, and all the Karen’s out there. Take her on a virtual trip and learn about these new places. You’re doing this for you, she’s welcomed to join you. Let her feelz your strength, confidence, and DGAS attitude. Watch when she post pics of the 2 wine glasses on fuckBook and how all the other women swoon over what you created for her. Don’t compete with anyone, let them compete with you. Keep Prizing yourself. Be the Prize- by Prizing yourself. This is a great old school Swing Cat PUA move. Guy is a legend. Make it seem she is trying to win you over. Tease her, neg her. Did you just come over here to flirt with me? Keep that up babe, you’re earning points with me. First time I told my wife she was earning points with me was at a party with her friends. They couldn’t believe I said that. IOIs and all over me for the rest of the night. Also the opposite of that is good too-, babe, you’re losing points with me- if she drops something. Cheeky smirk, ass slap, walk away. A healthy marriage is one where she submits to you - you have to keep a higher value then her. Doesn’t work the other way around despite what mainstream advice says. Best marriage is one where your balls remain empty. Must have male and female polarity for it to work. You can’t be a walking doormat. Keep your T levels up. Don’t eat shit all day. Workout, pushups, chin-ups, squats, walk around the block,. Punch yourself in the balls if you have to. Stop fapping like a bitch. Low T level, means being weak, means not leading, means bitching wife, means No sex, means expensive kitchens in your future. Don’t be a lazy piece of shit. After your work is done for the day, for fucks sake clean up. Do yard work, pressure wash, clean all the shit up you’ve been neglecting the past year. Don’t lose your day gaming skills -I’m not talking about fortnite either you faggots. Revisit the basics and why it works. Reframe everything. This is a chance to double your workouts. Clean the fucking house. Spend more time enjoying your kids. More time honing your skills. More time to fuck. Cool, calm, and collective. Don’t be a keyboard jockey these days. Don’t become obsessed with politics and the news. Check it once a day to stay informed. But stop being a bitch about it. That shit is purposely designed to make you feelz powerless. Conquer and divide tactics. They’re pitting sides against each other. A grown man doesn’t get angry over politics. It makes you look extremely unattractive. It’s a weak example for your son too. It’s a victim mindset. Shows that you aren’t the center of origin. When is the last time you got a great blow job? Strong powerful man get great blow jobs. Say what you want about Bill Clinton, this dude was a champ at BJs. Go watch YouTube videos of him playing Mayor Game – how he just owned a room when he walked in.. dude could drop panties like no other. . How you act today will remain with you for the rest of your life. Did you get shit done? Act like a little bitch? Failed to lead? Fail to help your kids?Did you work on yourself? Did you set goals and start action towards them?Become the King. The king doesn’t complain or whine to the queen. When you act like a King, you start getting treated like a King. Women are preprogrammed to reward their prize with sex. I use to blame everything and everyone out there. I blamed the weather, politics, the company, company policy, mission statement, the economy, the news, the president, the party in power. It’s a fucking lie. You were lied to. It’s all a set up. It’s a joke. You are the only one to blame. The world is abundant. You are the key to your better future. If you ain’t gaming, you ain’t fucking. Be safe. MTC",,137,MrChad_Thundercock,2020-04-26 23:49:07 marriedredpill,g7tcux,Teacher reflections on behaviour management,"With lockdowns being in place, it is more important than ever to be the level-headed leader at home and that will mean dealing with challenging behaviour for many of you. UK Primary teacher here. Though I have no kids of my own, this advice is based on nearly a decade of teaching children in 4-5 schools across my city from leafy suburbs to inner city estates. My behaviour management perspective has been hard won by working with Behaviour PRU (Pupil Referral Unit) staff and by trying (and often failing with) different strategies. -> Penalties and negative consequences do not change future behaviour for the better. It damages relationships, builds resentment and can just teach the person to hide 'negative' behaviours. This is the same for children, teens and adults. (Same principle - a friend once shouted at his puppy for messing on the carpet - he then had to battle with it doing it behind the sofa/curtains). -> Rewarding the 'right' choices is the most powerful strategy of all. -> Try to couple this with ignoring the negative if possible - this does have it's limitations e.g. intervene swiftly if there is imminent threat to safety but do so as calmly as possible and control your emotional reaction. -> Praise and emotionally based positive feelings being associated with chosen behaviour is incredibly powerful. The praise must be genuine, intrinsic, believable and not over the top. -> Children with higher level behavioural difficulties have usually had some form emotional turmoil in their past that they have had to endure. Often: neglect, abuse of some kind (physical/emotional) or generally being around toxic people. -> Those ^ children will find praise difficult to accept and it may stir up all kinds of negative feelings for them so there's a risk that they will then act out soon after being praised. This is because of a yearning for safety. -> Boundaries. See Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Children must feel safe and secure in order to be happy. They must feel secure in their environment and therefore need boundaries. How can they trust that you will look after them and they'll be safe? They will test your boundaries - in a similar way to shit testing. -> Be the caring oak (see stoicism). Children must feel that they have boundaries and there are consequences for transgressing them. -> Praise in public but apply consequences calmly and quietly. -> Rewards can be as simple as giving your time / attention, a smile, approval etc. and a consequence for negative behaviour can be the immediate and short term removal of these things until their attitude / choices improve. -> Punishments / consequences. The most effective consequences (for improving future behaviour) are not the most severe, they are the most consistently applied ones. They are small explicitly laid out consequences that they know are guaranteed to happen. Punishments that are over the top in severity, where you make a big show of dishing out, are usually emotionally dished out, disproportionate in severity to the initial transgression and are most damaging to your relationship. -> From Restorative Practices principles: ""separate the deed from the doer"". Avoid labelling a child's character based on their actions e.g. instead of ""You're such a naughty boy / disappointment - I can't believe you've broken that _____ / done xyz..."" go for something like ""I'm really disappointed / annoyed that _____ happened / that you chose to _____"". Make sure to communicate that it is the behaviour that you don't like / want rather than the child themself. -> So they throw food at lunch every day? A 30 minute sit on their own and the loss of a toy for the afternoon is far more effective than shouting at them, grounding them for a week, taking away all tv privileges etc. in an emotional tirade. -> Keep a level head, be pragmatic and involve them in the process of understanding the impact of their actions (see Restorative Practice). Ideally after an incident, ALL involved will have their views and feelings heard and understood and opportunities are encouraged to: repair the relationships / 'right any wrong' / positively build and strengthen the relationships of all involved. -> Finally, if a child is doing something that is annoying you and so you tell them to stop (such as tapping / bouncing a ball / flicking something on a table etc.), expect them to have the compulsion to do it 2-3 more times before they cease. I've no idea why this is - perhaps they were acting on some subconscious impulse that they need to get out of their system? Either way, once you understand / expect this then it may annoy you less. Happy to clarify or elaborate on any points raised and I'd welcome critical discussion for others with experience.",,60,Brushyourteethm8,2020-04-25 13:16:39 marriedredpill,g7ag3k,"Words of Weakness, Words of Strength","Our words make us weak or strong. The words we choose, and how we deliver them, send a powerful message about our value and status. We need to train, strengthen, and calibrate all aspects of our lives, including our use of language. This isn't as straightforward as hitting the gym or reading a book, but like anything, it is a skill we can train. This is nothing new. I compiled this from sidebar material, specifically NMMNG, MAP, RM, and WISNIFG. These works offer a more in-depth picture of what I list here, and those unfamiliar with them should start there. This is aimed at beginners like me who mostly understand STFU and are ready to explore the next level of linguistic strength. **For the autists who eat paint and don't understand nuance:** Language is not black and white. Examples below describe general traits, but most have a valid counterexample. The key is contextual awareness. It's not just what you say, but how and when you say it. Also consider that most forms of weakness in language are matters of excess more than substance. For example: self-deprecation could be personal ownership gone too far, and an overly cocky attitude comes off as insecure. ## WORDS OF WEAKNESS **DEER (Defend, Excuse, Explain, Rationalize)** Speaking with the assumption that you are under scrutiny or attack, and therefore need to take a defensive posture. Justifying your preferences or behavior to others as if they are in a position to judge you. Stating the obvious, or unnecessary rephrasing. Adding clauses to statements that begin with ""because..."" or ""so I can..."" Externalizing one's thought process for arriving at a decision. * *Why we do it:* Wrongly assuming our identity, value, or approval comes from others. * *Why it's weak:* Core RP philosophy states that we judge ourselves from our own mental point of origin. Our thoughts, desires, and actions warrant no explanation or defense. Our rationalizations belong to us. * *Examples:* * ""I want to go out to eat **because I'm in the mood for Chinese.**"" * ""Let's buy this grill. **It's less expensive than the other ones.**"" * ""I'm going for a drive **so I can clear my head.**"" **Chatty** Verbal bullshit. Speaking more than necessary to convey a specific idea. * *Why we do it:* Trying to seem friendly, energetic, or fun, or out of fear of being misunderstood. * *Why it's weak:* Comes across as desperate, annoying, or disrespectful. Dilutes the power of words. Actually increases confusion and likelihood of misunderstanding. * *Examples:* * Talking about pointless shit to fill silence * Speaking over people * Finishing other peoples' sentences * Using 20 words when 5 will do **Disclosure** Freely offering personal info to anyone. Too open. * *Why we do it:* Thinking it will make us accessible or interesting, or out of an unresolved need for sympathy or understanding * *Why it's weak:* Comes across as desperate, needy, or overwhelming. Kills mystery, a core basis of attraction. Knowledge is power; divulging yourself to others gives them strength over you. * *Examples:* * Talking about deeply personal stuff in casual conversation * Answering all personal questions directly and factually **Indecisiveness** Unable or unwilling to take a clear position, especially on a controversial topic. Unsure of one's own preferences or needs. Taking too long to decide. Deferring decisions to others. * *Why we do it:* Genuine ignorance of one's own preferences or needs. False belief that decisiveness will alienate others, or that our needs or desires are not important. * *Why it's weak:* Someone who doesn't understand them self is uninteresting and unattractive. Unsure people also come across as unpredictable and unsafe. * *Examples:* * ""kinda/sorta/maybe"" * ""I'm not sure..."" * ""whatever"" * ""I don't know, what do you think we should do?"" **Hedging** Qualifying statements to soften their meaning or minimize risk. * *Why we do it:* To seem friendly, non-threatening, or correct * *Why it's weak:* Betrays a deeper insecurity of appearing unfriendly, threatening, or incorrect. Sounds pedantic which is unattractive. Weakens the force of statements by making them vague, conditional, or compromised. * *Examples:* * ""one of the most..."" * Lots of ""probably"" statements * Lots of ""like"" and ""sort of/kind of"" statements **Insecurity** Seeking permission or approval from outside oneself. * *Why we do it:* Lacking internalized sense of value. Not our own mental point of origin. * *Why it's weak:* Depending on others for approval or validation is weak by definition. * *Examples:* * Overly cocky attitude * Fishing for compliments * Starting sentences with ""Can I just...?"" * Ending sentences with ""right?"" and ""huh!"" **Ownership of others** Mental point of origin depends on actions and thoughts of others. Attempt to control others through subtle manipulation. * *Why we do it:* If we depend on the relationship for personal stability, we take ownership of them trying to ensure our own safety. * *Why it's weak:* Depending on others for approval or validation is weak by definition. We have no ultimate control over others; attempting to is foolish. * *Examples:* * Making baseless assumptions about the motives or perspective of others * Excessive encouragement or compliments * Speaking on someone else's behalf **Diminutive word choice** Using words that evoke weak or small imagery. Minimizing one's needs or wants by implying they are not significant. * *Why we do it:* Fear that if our needs or desires are too big or inconvenient, people will not meet them. * *Why it's weak:* Apart from the inherent weakness of dependence on others to meet our needs, it conveys a sense of weakness through associating one's speech (and by extension, one's identity) with small and weak things. * *Examples:* * ""...just a little..."" * ""only..."" * ""tiny bit"" * ""real quick"" **Emotional / feminine word choice** Phrasing things from an emotional, feelings-centered, feminine perspective. * *Why we do it:* For attention, or out of immaturity and ignorance. * *Why it's weak:* Emotions are fickle, and those driven by them have not mastered themselves. Anchoring your speech in feelings and emotions sends an unstable message. Since feelings are subjective, describing things in terms of feelings also makes it harder to discuss objective facts and reach agreements. * *Examples:* * Starting sentences with ""I feel like..."" * Excessive use of feminine vocabulary, e.g. ""love"", ""beautiful"", ""cute"" * Excessive emojis **Emotional tone** Conveying excessive emotion through vocal tone. * *Why we do it:* For attention, or out of immaturity and ignorance * *Why it's weak:* Conveys lack of self-control * *Examples:* * Using tone to convey strong moods * Speaking with excessive passion, disappointment, anger, or excitement **Weak tone** Conveying weakness through vocal tone. * *Why we do it:* To appear less threatening or more likable * *Why it's weak:* Conveys lack of confidence. Evokes childlike impressions. * *Examples:* * Speaking too quietly * Speaking in a high-pitch register * Speaking from the nose/throat **Weak eye contact** Rarely or never making direct eye contact with the person you are speaking to. * *Why we do it*: Insecurity, or wrongly assuming eye contact is threatening * *Why it's weak:* Conveys insecurity. Makes it less likely that people will listen to and remember what you say. * *Examples:* * Shifting eyes * Looking at the floor * Breaking eye contact before the conversation is over **Self-deprecation** Speaking of oneself in a negative tone. * *Why we do it:* For attention, our out of a genuine lack of self-esteem (believing oneself is actually stupid, not just doing a stupid thing) * *Why it's weak:* Lacking self-esteem and depending on others for approval is weak by definition * *Examples:* * ""omg I'm such a retard!"" * ""wow, I'm so stupid"" * ""what the fuck was I *thinking*?"" **Apologizing** The opposite of excusing; taking on excessive blame. Similar to self-deprecation but directed at others. * *Why we do it:* False assumption that if we do not take the blame for something, then people will withdraw their attention * *Why it's weak:* Overly submissive or contrite attitudes are weak by nature * *Examples:* * ""omg so sorry!"" * ""Please forgive me!"" ## # WORDS OF STRENGTH **Brevity** Speaking as little as necessary to convey relevant information. * *Why it's strong:* Avoids most of the pitfalls of weak speech by cutting them off directly. Words are less diluted, scattered, and pointless, therefore more concentrated, purposeful, and stronger. * *Examples:* * Speak as briefly as possible, then *Shut The Fuck Up* * Use 5 words when 5 will do * Use none wherever possible, especially early in MRP **Focus** Keeping conversation on point, dealing with one issue at a time. Avoid unnecessary tangents. D not conflate separate issues. * *Why it's strong:* Demonstrates both self-control, and control of the conversation. Distills meaning. More likely to arrive at a conclusion or agreement. * *Examples:* * ""Let's get back on topic."" * ""Let's work this out before moving on to the next issue."" * ""Sounds like we are talking about two different things, let's handle them one at a time."" **Reservation** Maintaining curiosity and mystery through restraint and selective disclosure. * *Why it's strong:* Knowledge is power. Offer knowledge about yourself sparingly, and only for a return on investment. Also, mystery is a core aspect of attraction. * *Examples:* * Slowly revealing facts and details about oneself; not offering personal info freely * Being intentionally vague about one's intentions, motives, and perspectives without seeming closed off * Answering personal questions indirectly, with irony or exaggeration **Decisiveness** Taking a definitive stance, especially on controversial issues. Making decisions for oneself in a timely manner. Speaking with cadence; no filler words (""ah/um""). * *Why it's strong:* Conveys confidence and self-assurance. Reduces ambiguity and anxiety, thereby increasing a sense of safety. * *Examples:* * ""Yes"" or ""No"" * ""I don't know, but I will find out."" **Assertiveness** Stating needs and desires directly. Choosing words that are clear, specific, to the point. No bullshit. * *Why it's strong:* Conveys confidence and self-assurance. Increases likelihood of getting what you want. * *Examples:* * ""I want to <...>"" * ""We should do <...>"" * ""I don't like that."" * ""Let's fuck."" **Personal ownership** Directly taking ownership of one's behavior, without drawing unnecessary attention to it. Owning one's mistakes and making reasonable effort to correct them. Speaking truthfully. * *Why it's strong:* Disarms the ego while preserving self-respect. Creates trust and preserves relationships with others. Maintains integrity without shame. * *Examples:* * ""Oh shit, my bad!"" * ""My fault, working on a solution."" * ""I was wrong. Here's what I'm doing to fix it."" **Functional / masculine word choice** Phrasing things from a functional, practical, objective, action-oriented, masculine perspective. * *Why it's strong:* Men are adapted to change the environment. Our body, psychology, and sexual essence are wired to see things in terms of obstacles to overcome and objectives to achieve. Aligning our speech to those principles strengthens it. * *Examples:* * ""Problem solved."" * ""Knocked that project out."" * ""I don't see how that will work."" **Strong tone** Conveying strength through vocal tone. * *Why it's strong:* Conveys confidence. Evokes solid, steady, and masculine impressions. * *Examples:* * Speaking clearly * Speaking in lower register * Speaking from the core **Strong eye contact** Making direct eye contact to the person you're speaking to, but not in an overbearing or awkward way. * *Why it's strong:* Conveys confidence, increases the likelihood of people listening to and remembering what you say. * *Examples:* * Maintain eye contact for at least 80% of the conversation * Break eye contact for brief intervals during conversation to refresh your posture and not seem awkward **Humor** Elevate the tone of a conversation with humor. Serious only when the situation warrants. * *Why it's strong:* Evokes trust and submission from others. Demonstrates competence, social awareness, subtlety, and command of the situation. * *Examples:* * Irony - the opposite of what we expect * Exaggeration - describing things far beyond normal limits or expectations * Teasing - inviting others to have a sense of humor about themselves * Hubris - playfully cocky attitude **Controlled attitude** Tone and word choice do not convey excessive emotion, especially negative emotion. * *Why it's strong:* Conveys confidence by demonstrating self-control and social awareness. Maintains mystery, a core basis of attraction. * *Examples:* * Amused mastery * Attitude unaffected by circumstances; outcome independence * Alternate between stoic and playful attitudes, as situationally appropriate",,125,ancient_resistance,2020-04-24 15:32:33 marriedredpill,g7drug,"60 DoD 2020: Week 4 Style; Got Chucks on with Saint Laurent, Gotta kiss myself I'm so pretty","# A Sheep in Sheep's Clothing &#x200B; If you’re like 95% of dudes, you either don’t know or don’t give a fuck about style. You go to work and you dress the same as everyone else. As long as your shirt is ironed and your shoes are clean, you’re good to go. You wear the standard weekend casual wear - a pair of [ugly trainers](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/81YoJmDsrlL._SR500,500_.jpg), some Dad jeans a t-shirt and plaid shirt or a hoody. Same as everyone else. For a night out, you’ll switch the trainers for a [pair of shoes](https://cdn3-www.mandatory.com/assets/uploads/2015/10/bootcut-jeans-with-boots.jpg) and switch the t-shirt for a shirt. Same as everyone else. And if it’s a big night out, you’ll pull out your [‘going out’ shirt](https://media.gq.com/photos/5583bdb53655c24c6c96a829/master/w_1600%2Cc_limit/style-blogs-the-gq-eye-untucked-dress-shirt.jpg). The one you bought 6 years ago and still wear because someone once told you that it looked good on you. You wear a [fleece](https://si.wsj.net/public/resources/images/B3-BE974_MIDTOW_P_20180723175929.jpg) in winter because it’s ‘cozy’. You wear cargo shorts in summer because they have handy pockets. And you wear [wrap around silver tinted sunglasses](https://www.sportrx.com/sportrx-blog/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/blob.jpg) in summer because.... well, I have no idea why the fuck you wear them. You never put any effort in, you don’t do any research and you never go outside your comfort zone. And if you’re an especially lazy cunt, you let your wife buy your clothes for you. That’s OK if you’re happy being a badly dressed sheep. That’s fine if you’re content being an average looking Joe. That’s great if you’re happy putting in zero fucking effort. But if you want to look like a man who has his shit together and looks like he actually gives a fuck, then you need to develop your own style. &#x200B; # What da Fuck is Style? &#x200B; **It’s not about matching your belt with your shoes.** &#x200B; *“Style is knowing who you are, what you want to say, and not giving a damn.”* **– Orson Welles** &#x200B; A High Value Man has frame and lives his life according to his own values and his own standards. An integral part of these standards is his style. Style is important to him. Looking good is important to him. Smelling good is important to him. Being groomed is important to him. And not looking like his wife bought his clothes for him in Wallmart is *really fucking* important to him. Why? Because his style is a visual representation of who he is. **It is the outward projection of his frame -** ***a visual expression of his own identity.*** &#x200B; *""Remind yourself. Nobody built like you, you design yourself.""* **- Jay Z** &#x200B; # I'm too hot - hot damn - Called a police and a fireman &#x200B; Your style is for you to decide and when you define it, when you own it, it becomes part of who you are. You do it for yourself. But make no mistake - looking good makes your life a shit load easier – easier to get a job, easier to advance in your career, easier to win over clients, easier to develop relationships and yeah.. easier to get your dick wet. It’s a value add on on every level. People will always make a judgement on you based your appearance. By dressing well, you are conveying a message and projecting your frame without speaking a word. Style is an instant language. You’d be a fool not to learn it. &#x200B; *""It is both delusional and stupid to think that clothes don't really matter and we should all wear whatever we want. Most people don't take clothing seriously enough, but whether we should or not, clothes do talk to us and we make decisions based on people's appearances.""* **-- G. Bruce** &#x200B; # Developing Your Style &#x200B; *“Know first who you are, and then adorn yourself accordingly.”* **– Epictetus** &#x200B; Developing your own style has parallels to developing your body through lifting and proper nutrition – it doesn’t happen overnight. If you’ve spent the first few decades of your adult life turning yourself into a waddling blob of fat, you’re not going to look like a Greek God after 2 weeks. It takes time and effort. The same applies to developing your style. You’ll get noobie gains. The first time you start dressing well, people will notice, you’ll get compliments, you’ll feel great. But don’t make the mistake of thinking that you’ve nailed it. You haven’t. You just bought the first half decent outfit you’ve worn in your adult life. And yes, I did say ‘outfit’. *Suck it up, Princess.* That’s the learning curve. Just like lifting, the longer you spend at it, the harder you work at it, the better you get at it... until one day, you’ll walk by the mirror and think – ‘fuck that dude looks good’. I can’t tell you what to wear no more than I can tell you how to live your life or develop your own frame. No one can. You need to decide this for yourself. If your style is the visual representation of your frame, then it’s *your* frame that will decide *your* style. But there are some easy ways in which you can begin the process; # Fit is King It doesn’t matter what you are wearing or what the occasion is – be it a [business suit](https://www.fashionbeans.com/article/how-a-suit-should-fit/), a casual weekend fit or even your sweaty gym gear – fit is absolute king. It reigns supreme over everything else. Too baggy, too tight, too short, too long - ***if it doesn’t fit, it will look like shit.*** You see it all the time – fat dudes [wearing baggy clothes](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/newpix/2018/05/01/22/4BBF5CDD00000578-5679953-image-a-45_1525209089551.jpg) in a pathetic attempt to hide the belly, muscular guys wearing [far too tight clothing](https://i.pinimg.com/564x/4d/b3/66/4db366dfc6e85f2b69d23e0a376f31e8.jpg) to show their gains, [skinny twats](https://vanillily2.files.wordpress.com/2012/04/1535274_lookbook.jpg) wearing skinny jeans to show how fragile their legs are, or just your middle-of-the-road average Joe wearing stuff that’s cut badly, made from cheap materials, doesn’t sit right and does nothing to enhance their visual appearance. None of this shit works. So learn how to [nail the fit](https://www.fashionbeans.com/2009/mens-fashion-basics-part-1-good-fit/) and you’re halfway there already. No exaggeration – that’s half the work done. # Stick to the Classics &#x200B; *""I live for myself and I answer to nobody.""* ***– Steve McQueen*** You don’t need to reinvent the wheel when developing your style. It’s already been invented – all you need to do is find the pieces that you like and put them together in a cohesive way that looks good on you. *The easiest way to do this is to stick to the classics.* [Steve McQueen](https://www.google.com/search?q=steve+mcqueen+style&safe=off&rlz=1C1CHWA_enIE609IE609&sxsrf=ALeKk00SDkBW83022VgG692HJSOBJ2xhdw:1585770383558&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjH0qCD_8foAhXioXEKHcoJBfcQ_AUoAXoECBEQAw&biw=1421&bih=637) was a master at this. He’s often lauded as one of the greatest ever style icons and features repeatedly year after year in article after article in men’s style magazines and blogs. And his style still looks good today. Not bad for a dude who’s been dead for 40 years. If you look at how he dressed, there’s nothing complicated about it – he just stuck to classic items like polo shirts, bomber and Harrington jackets, slim fit jeans, well fitting t-shirts and perfectly fitted suits. There’s nothing try-hard about his style, nothing fancy and nothing ‘fashion’, yet he looks cool, elegant and stylish – all the while combining classic items with perfect fit. He looks equally good in a suit, in motorcycle gear or even dressed head to toe in denim. That man knew how to dress. If you’re looking for a style icon to [follow](https://www.thegentlemansjournal.com/style-icon-dress-like-steve-mcqueen/), you can’t go far wrong with McQueen. # Keep it Simple *It’s not complicated, so don’t over complicate it.* Classic items will help you keep it simple but there are other areas where you need to stick to the basics: &#x200B; ***Colour.*** Your colour friends are – [neutrals and earthy colours](https://www.shutterstock.com/image-vector/minimalistic-color-palette-chart-vector-573720589) – black, white, navy, grey, khaki, olive, beige and brown. That’s it. Stick to a basic pallete. Not only is it easy, it’s masculine, refined and makes it really simple to mix and match. &#x200B; ***Less is more*** &#x200B; *“All it takes are a few simple outfits. And there’s one secret – the simpler the better.”* **– Cary Grant** &#x200B; The 80/20 rule applies here. If you look in your wardrobe, I guarantee that you wear 20% of your clothes 80% of the time. That is why you don’t need a massive amount of clothes. You need a [small amount of clothes](http://theessentialman.com/how-to-create-minimalist-wardrobe/) that you will get a lot of wear out of. *You don’t need lots of choices; you just need the right choices.* So learn to choose carefully – or time after time, you’ll be left standing in front of a wardrobe full of clothes, frustrated that you have nothing to wear. Like a bitch. # Steal from Your Icons *“One pretends to do something, or copy someone or some teacher, until it can be done confidently and easily in what becomes one’s own style”.* **– Cary Grant** &#x200B; If you look at any famous creative people – musicians, artists, designers, film makers – none of them are original. They have all stolen from other artists, then learned how to tweak what they liked, combined it with other bits and ‘made it their own’. A great artist is basically a magpie. Developing your own style is no different. So find your style icons and rip them off. Yep.. just copy them. Then tweak it & develop it until it becomes your own. It’s that simple. One of the easiest places to start is the annual Best Dressed Man of the Year Awards – the likes of [GQ](https://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/gallery/best-dressed-men-2019?image=5d13a5702881ccf5620a9383) & [Fashionbeans](https://www.fashionbeans.com/article/best-dressed-men-in-the-world/) run these every year. Here you’ll find the likes of [Vincent Cassel](https://www.google.com/search?q=vincent+cassel+style&safe=off&rlz=1C1CHWA_enIE609IE609&sxsrf=ALeKk03ohOUMtSat-N3lxU7eywOvJBO2pw:1585769439125&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwj7-_TA-8foAhXNN8AKHbT5Ar4Q_AUoAXoECA0QAw&biw=1421&bih=637), [Ryan Gosling](https://www.google.com/search?q=ryan+gosling+style&tbm=isch&ved=2ahUKEwiCxbfC-8foAhXESEEAHVshBBkQ2-cCegQIABAA&oq=ryan+style&gs_lcp=CgNpbWcQARgBMgIIADIGCAAQBxAeMgYIABAHEB4yBggAEAcQHjIGCAAQBxAeMgYIABAHEB4yBggAEAcQHjIGCAAQBxAeMgYIABAHEB4yBggAEAcQHjoGCAAQCBAeOgQIABBDOgQIIxAnOgYIABAKEBhQgrsCWPvrAmDv9wJoB3AAeACAAfQBiAGeDZIBBTYuNC4zmAEAoAEBqgELZ3dzLXdpei1pbWc&sclient=img&ei=4uuEXoLMEsSRhbIP28KQyAE&bih=637&biw=1421&rlz=1C1CHWA_enIE609IE609&safe=off), [David Beckham](https://www.google.com/search?q=david+beckham+style+2019&tbm=isch&ved=2ahUKEwiixNCK_MfoAhWOR8AKHbq2BVIQ2-cCegQIABAA&oq=david+beckham+style+2019&gs_lcp=CgNpbWcQDFAAWABghnBoAHAAeACAAQCIAQCSAQCYAQCqAQtnd3Mtd2l6LWltZw&sclient=img&ei=eeyEXuKjK46PgQa67ZaQBQ&bih=637&biw=1421&rlz=1C1CHWA_enIE609IE609&safe=off), [Idris Elba](https://www.google.com/search?q=idris+elba+style+2019&tbm=isch&ved=2ahUKEwjKso-S_MfoAhULXcAKHQU1DAEQ2-cCegQIABAA&oq=Idris+Elbastyle+2019&gs_lcp=CgNpbWcQARgAMgYIABAHEB5Q3n9Y3n9g1ZQBaABwAHgAgAE7iAE7kgEBMZgBAKABAaoBC2d3cy13aXotaW1n&sclient=img&ei=ieyEXorKGYu6gQaF6rAI&bih=637&biw=1421&rlz=1C1CHWA_enIE609IE609&safe=off), [Simon Porte Jacquemus](https://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/gallery/best-dressed-men-2019?image=5d13a5683bedf216f2db796e), [Daniel Craig](https://www.google.com/search?q=Daniel+Craig+style+2019&tbm=isch&ved=2ahUKEwjFyN-b_MfoAhUEXcAKHZg2DFwQ2-cCegQIABAA&oq=Daniel+Craig+style+2019&gs_lcp=CgNpbWcQDFDFvgFYxb4BYLnIAWgAcAB4AIABTIgBTJIBATGYAQCgAQGqAQtnd3Mtd2l6LWltZw&sclient=img&ei=neyEXoWGJYS6gQaY7bDgBQ&bih=637&biw=1421&rlz=1C1CHWA_enIE609IE609&safe=off), [David Gandhy](https://www.google.com/search?q=David+Gandhy+style+2019&tbm=isch&ved=2ahUKEwj16Neo_MfoAhWQQkEAHc4aCWsQ2-cCegQIABAA&oq=David+Gandhy+style+2019&gs_lcp=CgNpbWcQDFCAf1iAf2CIiAFoAHAAeACAAV6IAV6SAQExmAEAoAEBqgELZ3dzLXdpei1pbWc&sclient=img&ei=uOyEXvWsLZCFhbIPzrWk2AY&bih=637&biw=1421&rlz=1C1CHWA_enIE609IE609&safe=off), [Shawn Mendes](https://www.google.com/search?q=Shawn+Mendes+style+2019&tbm=isch&ved=2ahUKEwiekdCx_MfoAhVGXcAKHXhgBmoQ2-cCegQIABAA&oq=Shawn+Mendes+style+2019&gs_lcp=CgNpbWcQDFCmeFimeGDsf2gAcAB4AIAB2wGIAdsBkgEDMi0xmAEAoAEBqgELZ3dzLXdpei1pbWc&sclient=img&ei=y-yEXt7_Hca6gQb4wJnQBg&bih=637&biw=1421&rlz=1C1CHWA_enIE609IE609&safe=off),[Jeff Goldblum](https://www.google.com/search?q=+Jeff+Goldblum+style+2019&tbm=isch&ved=2ahUKEwjLv5u6_MfoAhXCQcAKHZVrDbEQ2-cCegQIABAA&oq=+Jeff+Goldblum+style+2019&gs_lcp=CgNpbWcQDFCQlAFYkJQBYPyfAWgAcAB4AIABW4gBW5IBATGYAQCgAQGqAQtnd3Mtd2l6LWltZw&sclient=img&ei=3eyEXovdHsKDgQaV17WICw&bih=637&biw=1421&rlz=1C1CHWA_enIE609IE609&safe=off), [Donald Glover](https://www.google.com/search?q=Donald+Glover+style+2019&tbm=isch&ved=2ahUKEwjdz8fE_MfoAhWuQkEAHYaLC5QQ2-cCegQIABAA&oq=Donald+Glover+style+2019&gs_lcp=CgNpbWcQDDICCAA6BggAEAcQHlC8lwFY96EBYOSpAWgAcAB4AIABeIgBwgGSAQMxLjGYAQCgAQGqAQtnd3Mtd2l6LWltZw&sclient=img&ei=8-yEXp2KDK6FhbIPhpeuoAk&bih=637&biw=1421&rlz=1C1CHWA_enIE609IE609&safe=off), etc. All men with great personal style, all worthy of emulating and stealing tips from in your journey as you develop your own style. # Show Me the Money &#x200B; *“It is totally impossible to be well-dressed in cheap shoes.”* **– Hardy Amies** &#x200B; Why spend 100 bucks on a [polo shirt](https://www.reiss.com/ie/p/embroidered-cuban-collar-polo-shirt-mens-vega-in-ecru-cream/?category_id=1111&gaEeList=M%20-%20Tops) when you can get 8 for that price? Well, the answer is easy – for 100 bucks, you get quality in terms of design, materials and fit that will last. For 12 bucks, you get a [poorly fitting polo](https://www.amazon.com/Amazon-Essentials-Slim-Fit-Lavendar-XX-Large/dp/B07N4P9DS6/ref=sr_1_8?dchild=1&keywords=polo+shirt&qid=1585770945&sr=8-8) made from low grade materials that looks like it cost 12 bucks and - after a few washes - is worthless. One well selected costly item has much more value than ten cheap ones. Not only in how it looks but in how much bang per buck it gives you. The difference is even greater when you’re buying [outerwear](https://www.reiss.com/ie/p/suede-zip-through-jacket-mens-marlo-in-tobacco-brown/?category_id=10396&gaEeList=M%20-%20Coats%20%26%20Jackets%20-%20Leather) and [footwear](https://www.johnvarvatos.com/amsterdam-chelsea-boot/190802674933.html#start=1). These are two areas where you simply cannot skimp on. [Cheap shoes](https://www.mandmdirect.ie/01/details/SK1018?ds_rl=1262771&ds_rl=1262771&gclid=CjwKCAjw95D0BRBFEiwAcO1KDM_ckC8tttDP6BSiNmmIPFzaeMLnOJOnoIEg_3vie7tUhZsdDnv4pRoCGGkQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds) kill any outfit stone dead. [Cheap jackets](https://www.mandmdirect.ie/01/details/SK1018?ds_rl=1262771&ds_rl=1262771&gclid=CjwKCAjw95D0BRBFEiwAcO1KDM_ckC8tttDP6BSiNmmIPFzaeMLnOJOnoIEg_3vie7tUhZsdDnv4pRoCGGkQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds) are just as bad. There’s a reason why you pay more for leather, wool and cotton - it’s practically impossible to look good in man made synthetic materials like polyester, pleather and acrylic. If you can’t afford high quality clothes, there are numerous places and ways to get discounted quality clothing and footwear. &#x200B; **Shop online** A retailers job is to sell you shit you don’t need – good retailers do this by maximising lighting and mirrors to make you look as good as possible when you’re in the changing room. Ever tried on something in a shop, thought it looked good and when you got home realised that it looked better on in the shop? That’s why. You’re also a lot more likely to impulse buy. 3 shirts for 20 bucks on the sale rack? What a bargain. That’s 20 bucks for three shitty shirts that’ll end up gathering dust in your wardrobe before you fuck them into the thrash. Yeah, real bargain. So shop online –use retailers that offer free deliveries and returns, then try on that shit in the comfort of your own home. This also allows you to try stuff on with things you already own. There’s no point in buying something that just doesn’t fit into your wardrobe – you’ll never wear it. &#x200B; **Never Go Full Retail** All designers and high street shops are over-priced. Their pricing structures allow for their clothing to be sold at discount prices during sales periods and *still make a profit,* so don’t pay full whack – wait for the sales, use discount codes, install the Honey add-on to your browser, sign up to newsletters for discounts, use cash back sites. Other places such as [Yoox](https://www.yoox.com/ie/men) offer designer clothes at discount prices. You’d be a fool to go full retail. &#x200B; ***“Looking good isn’t self-importance; it’s self-respect.”*** **– Charles Hix**",,53,[deleted],2020-04-24 18:31:13 marriedredpill,g64n9q,The Dual Mating Strategies of Men and Women,"Alpha Fucks and Beta Bucks is a well documented phenomenon in the Red Pill. It’s the so called dual mating strategy that describes a woman’s instinct to seek sexual opportunities from the alpha (Alpha Fucks) and provisioning opportunities from the beta (Beta Bucks.) It seems generally assumed in the ‘sphere that this strategy is exclusive to women, so this will be my brief attempt to show that a dual mating strategy is also present in men. Across the ‘sphere we see RP men constantly admitting their dual mating strategies. We want to fuck hoes, and marry virgins (low n-counts.) We want “a lady in the streets, and a freak in the sheets.” Men seek sexual opportunities from the whores, and provisioning opportunities from the virgins. Sigmund Freud expressed this dual mating strategy in his Madonna/Whore Complex: the tendency in men to view any particular woman as either a Madonna or a Whore. Madonnas (don’t think of the superstar by this same name, it will confuse you) are women we perceive as pure, submissive, obedient, and faithful. Whores are women we perceive as sluts, large n-count, tattoo-ridden, disobedient, and unfaithful. History is full of men who were in love with their Madonna wives, only to cheat on them with a Whore. In fact many RP players have made careers out of fucking hoes only to eventually marry a woman they perceive as a Madonna. We all carry this Madonna/Whore instinct inside of us, and it’s quite clearly a dual-mating strategy, if we care to admit it. This dual-mating strategy for both men and women may be a result of pre, and post, Agricultural Revolution societies. The findings of evolutionary psychology suggest that before the Agricultural Revolution sex in humanity was far more polygamous, liberal and free. People tended to sleep around for various reasons without taboo or stigma. There’s a lot in our biology that is evidence of this. This doesn’t mean a woman’s hypergamy wasn’t in effect, it just means being a hoe wasn’t looked down upon. If this is true it’s safe to assume that women were hoes for a very long period of time. And this would explain our natural attraction to hoes. Further, pre-Agricultural Revolution, there was no such thing as property, assets, and marriage. Post-agricultural revolution introduced property, assets, and marriage, and this changed sexual relationships forever. People began to think heavily about guarantying their property and resources was passed on to their progeny. Men became interested in women who could guarantee this bequeathment, and women became interested in men who would share their resources. Suddenly virgins and beta men became more attractive. The forces of this new social pressure conditioned women to look for men who could provide provisioning (betas), and those same forces conditioned men to seek women who could be trusted with their resources (Madonna’s.) Virgins can be trusted with property and assets more than whores, and beta men can be relied upon to share their resources more than alphas. In this hypothesis, a dual-mating strategy evolved in both men and women out of our ancient past of free and unbridled sex (pre-Agricultural Revolution) and the relatively recent development of commitment sex (post-Agricultural Revolution.) In the RP there’s this idea that you must maintain alpha-ness in your relationships at the expense of beta-ness, so that your wife doesn’t cuck or leave you. While there’s obvious truth to this, we should condition this view against our own dual mating strategy. In the life of a man, a virgin is perceived to be a prize. Sure, nothing turns us on more than a whore, and some married men will fuck them given the opportunity, but many won’t. Many married men will stay faithful to their Madonna, even though she doesn’t turn them on like a Whore. Understood in this way, we can see that while women may be attracted to Alphas, for them the prize might very well be a Beta. This is why we teach comfort tests. And while some women in relationships will still fuck the Alphas, many of them won’t, and will stay faithful to their Beta. AF/BB is not a black and white line, it’s just an evolved tendency in women, just like the Madonna/Whore complex is an evolved tendency in men. But neither of these tendencies dictate with any certainty how a particular man or woman will act. This is not an excuse for a man to be a little bitch, a real RP man knows how to be both Alpha and Beta. I admit that the theory of AF/BB and Madonna/Whore instincts evolving out of a pre, and post, Agricultural Revolution society might simply be conjecture. But, the evidence that men have a dual mating strategy (like women) is overwhelmingly evident and universal.",,50,El0vution,2020-04-22 16:49:17 marriedredpill,g5beus,"Own Your Shit Weekly - April 21, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,21,AutoModerator,2020-04-21 08:24:23 marriedredpill,g4mw56,"“Why won’t he be the king I know he is, the king I see inside?”","The title of this post is a quote from the Lion King, where Nala is disappointed in Simba for being a pussy. Corny? Yes, Appropriate? Very. For a while I have been thinking of some different topics to post about, as I like to give back to this invaluable resource. It occurred to me I have never really done an update / download, so that’s what I decided to go with. Part FR, part worldy wisdom, hope you learn something…. \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ I came here with textbook problems – we had been together forever. I had become physically, emotionally and mentally weak, and defaulted to my wife for everything. My friends joked how she wore the pants. We became distant emotionally although the sex was ok, the rest was falling apart, she was a career obsessed exec. I was the doormat at the end of the flight home. Below is a summary I had written for myself as a start to MRP (August 2017). It shows my weak dependence: · *Most clearly, I need to grow as an independent person. Life as a pair is not over but it is significantly reduced, I need to be doing my own thing.* · *Enjoy the boys (my sons), make it a priority* · *STFU when an issue comes up. Just DON’T raise it, deal with it in whatever way you have to.* · *Move on from my preconceived views about what our life would be like together. Its not like that anymore.* · *Give less fucks. It is what it is. She does what she wants and gives no fucks. I need to do it too. If it pisses her off, well that’s whats she is doing to me.* · *Remember things change over time. Life’s energy flows both ways, ying and yang. Persevere through this difficult time.* · *Learn the lessons the universe is providing you. Until they are learnt, the problems continue* Although very gently written, these points are about my lack of independence. I had not started lifting. I still believed in Disney. **Enter MRP.** I followed the plan. Got fit, grew frame, put a Dr at the start of my name. It took ages, all of it. But it taking ages is what helped me find my own frame. It also helped me ditch the oneitis. Not because I could necessarily pull better immediately, but it made me realise that was a possibility. The IOI’s started coming. The physique looked the business, I’ve got good arms and the school mums touched and commented. I got back my self-confidence – I relied on my own opinion. I realised dread is great but it is often short term, and usually fleeting, getting me a bit of attention here and there. Don’t get me wrong its important to maintain over the long term, but dread alone is a poor mans tool as it causes a fear based response that will never allow her to enjoy her natural state - it will never induce that real feminine submission. Frame is the game, for me its mostly leadership mixed with some fearlessness and selflessness, like Mayor game. She loves that, and like you all know it’s the natural dominance dynamic a man should have in a relationship. So we are pretty good now, but nothings permanent. I’m happy, she’s happy. Sex is good + willing and fun but not adventurous like Red-sffplus’ posts. No D/S, not sure if I have the time for that. The importance of sex in my life went down a lot once the balance of the relationship returned, providing beyond doubt, it was neediness and validation based. At some point I gave myself the goal of being how I was when we met. I achieved that and better. Simba was King. **My Understanding of MRP** There is so much to MRP to take in and understand, DEVI, TWOTSM, Practical female psychology, (and the rest) fuck me it all different and it all expands your mind overnight, but that doesn’t mean you understand it. That’s takes time – give it time. Take your newly learned theory to the field before you test it out on your wife. Observe - observe what you learn in your own environment, it’s all different for you than me or in the books, I can assure you of that. Observe at the nightclub, the pub, the workplace, the bedroom (but don’t go too existential). Read up on Horn’s and Blarg’s posts on communication and understand more about how she works. Its different for everyone one and you’re at the eye of the storm trying to work it out for your context. A bag of tools at your disposal you did not have before - the tools I used will be different to yours. Your tools are relevant to your context, and context is everything. I recently revisited some of Rollo’s work, I was amazed at how well it aligned with things I had been thinking about myself recently - how all of us are running and alternating between two internal behaviour programs. One is your (“alpha”) biological behaviour – natural urges and thoughts; One is from your society (context) – what you have learnt about how to behave. Its important shit, it changes over time. It makes me realise how there is so much going on in the interactions between two people day to day that you will see it is just not possible to ‘solve’ with the relatively blunt MRP tools. You need to sharpen your game and look at the fine detail, and you need to open your eyes to the subtext just like you have been taught to through ‘acta non verba’. I’m far from suggesting you need to do MORE work; Rather that you still can learn to be a better craftsman. A good craftsman makes hard tasks effortless. Work smart as well as hard. If you have already graduated to “Man” , you will know that it is through Frame and the willingness to do it your own way that sets you apart. It's not MGTOW, it's confidence and leadership. Yes, you still need to look the business, and you should be successful. Your tripod should be strong. You should also be brave - you should be in control of your fears, you won't defeat them. You need to be MORE aware of context, detail and whats going on around you, step up to the plate when the opportunity arises. If you have kids, its time to realise you are now the head of the family, not just yours, but the extended, the grandparents and anyone else loosely involved. One of my greatest ‘growing the fuck up’ victories was realising my own decisions meant more than my own fathers. Fuck that Pop, I am in charge now. And for fucks sake you should be outdoors a lot. I have not been strict on my lockdown lifting, but I am sore every day from digging / building and fixing. Diversify your physical activity. Diversify your learnings, your skills and your strengths. Pecs, shoulders and biceps not a strong brave man make. You conquered your relationship, go next level and conquer the respect of men. Get better again.",,85,simbarlion,2020-04-20 05:26:26 marriedredpill,g3sfqk,The Role of Inspector Faggot: Open Casting is Today!,"Introducing our protagonist, Inspector Faggot. **Who is he?** He's Inspector Faggot. No, not [this guy](https://imgur.com/PzUocGi), just make sure he doesn't look like you. What does our protagonist look like in this tragedy? He is desperately worried his wife/LTR is lying to him, cheating on him, deceiving him, etc. Whatever the fear may be, it consumes him. The thought of his relationship being in jeopardy and losing his oneitis is like a sack of bricks our man must carry around with him everywhere he goes. **What does he do?** Any of the following: * Monitors and tracks his wife's computer, cell phone and car location * Drives by places she is supposed to be to ensure she's there * Calls her way too much, not because he wants to talk to her but because he's looking to investigate her story and police her actions * Tries to use her friends to unearth her actions when he is not around * Gets nervous when she goes out, especially on a GNO * Secretly or not so secretly hates when she wears something sexy out, especially when he won't be around * Hates that she has guy friends and is threatened by them * Seeks for ways to prove his value to her and show her his love through his investigations - ""it's because he cares"" * Stays home when she goes out and basically sulks and cries - he has limited to no options of things to do without her * Checks to see if she has used her vibrator - how often, whats the last position she put it in in the drawer, what does it smell like? Is it one of u/red-spfplus's models? * Interrogates her as to her location and activities, looks for holes in her stories, follows up on all loose ends like a good inspector would The list goes on, but essentially our protagonist friend just gives way too many fucks. **The casting is always open** This character can actually be played by any man weak enough to audition. He comes in all shapes and sizes. The best actors for this role don't lift, don't have their own lives, don't have game and cannot stand on their own. They are the doormats that are grateful to have a spot on the floor. The role pays nothing except false hopes and dreams. It's the shittiest job you'll ever take, but it's always open for the taking. **Why he exists** As previously alluded to, Inspector Faggot plays a starring roll in a greater tragedy that inevitably plays out. He is in a powerless position in his relationship and is a slave to her frame. Her frame is weak, bending and moves at her will, such is the nature of the feminine. He can never find his purpose and actualize his potential as a man in such a role. Yet he plays the role because he is lost. He is desperate. He has true scarcity in his options. For all these reasons, she rightfully despises him and most likely this motivates her to play out the very scenarios he is so terrified of - she cheats, betrays him, or whatever the swirling art of her mind compels her to do. **Don't be this guy** Catch yourself when you are starting to audition to be Inspector Faggot. Or come to OYS and we'll do it for you. Either way, become aware of your faggotry. As with all problems in life, you are assigning the wrong number of fucks to your relationship. If you truly have the power to walk away, then what does it matter if she fucks up? So she fucks up. Life goes on. You either wish her the best and move on to the terrible fate of fucking a rotation of 20 year olds or you decide to forgive whatever her indiscretion was. There are no hard fast rules on what action you take, but it isn't a big deal either way. Always be clear on what your relationship is - it's an exchange of value. If it ever goes out of balance, you correct it or move on. If you have trouble with this, try giving fewer fucks. **The cameo role: trust but verify** Even guys with decent frame get pulled into the trap of ""trust but verify"" (TBV) sometimes. Be careful with this role, because it diminishes your ability to trust the relationship and can have you on the slippery slope of auditioning for the full Inspector Faggot role before you know it. This doesn't necessarily mean you are being Inspector Faggot, but lets face it, it usually does. Security issue? TBV. Kid's safety is in jeopardy? TBV. Some other matter that has heavy consequences (beyond losing your precious oneitis unicorn), then by all means TBV. In all other cases, if you don't trust, don't bother verifying. Again, too many fucks are being given. The only time for TBV is when [outcome trumps relationship](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/trust-the-new-workplace-currency/201507/the-problem-trust-verify-approach). Otherwise, realize all women (from HB2 trolls and up) will get attention from men, will do shit that doesn't make sense, will hide things from you and from themselves. AWALT. Don't waste your time and attention on this. **Play a role worth playing** Life is too short to constantly be opening investigations and working cases. Don't be Inspector Faggot. Call out yourself and others when they are being Inspector Faggot. No MRP member should be playing this role, ever. If anything, play the role of [this guy](https://imgur.com/76nyuTo) instead.",,75,PillUpAss,2020-04-18 18:32:50 marriedredpill,g1vxqk,60 DoD 2020: Week 3 Hygiene; or why it's about more than washing your ass.,"#Introduction I wasn’t looking forward to writing on hygiene. Luckily for me the Chinese Bat gods saw fit to give me a good pretence to talk hygiene. I’m going to assume everyone has already read the previous articles on hygiene on the sidebar. If not, please do so then come back. The guys did really good work and it’s hard to write something worthwhile when the reader doesn’t know how to wash his ass yet. #####Why is hygiene a thing in a space with men and dead and dying relationships? For starters, a lot of dead bedrooms are the guys own damned fault. If you’re not fuck able, no one will fuck you, regardless on whether you bring home the bacon or put a ring on it. I used to think most people had the basics down, but after a few years reading every sob story, every victim puke, every hat in hand request for guidance pretending to be a field report I realize that yes, we do have to ensure you wash your ass before going further. In addition, hygiene is about giving a fuck. You’d not believe how many guess dress like shit because they want the world to know they don’t worry about style like a fag. Message received asshole. Enjoy your complimentary Porn Hub subscription. Giving a shit about the little things means you give a shit about the big things. It’s counter intuitive until you actually do it, then it’s god damned instinct. Finally, and this is the part that I want the reader to take home from this, hygiene is leadership, for the above reasons and more. If you’ve not heard, we are in the middle of a definitely not overblown manufactured crisis. Since everyone is so afraid of liability that they will ensure they do every bit of security-theatre possible to show that *‘we are doing everything we can to keep you safe.’* You know who eats messages like that up? Women. Women love that people are ‘just doing something!’ regardless of whether it helps, hurts, or does nothing. Why? Because women process the world through their feelings, and feeling safe equates to being safe. #####The Slippery Slope I’ll bet if you look into all the chores around the house that you’re nagged into doing that a lot of them never made sense to you. A quick wipe with a clean cloth and some soap and water is sufficient, but Karen nags and nags for you to disinfect the counters with bleach, right? Never mind that sandwich you just made tastes like bleach and you’re probably killing everyone in the house, it just feels cleaner. I remember from my old blue pill days, my vegan girlfriend of the time was adamant that meat not share the same fridge space as anything else. That makes sense, except where she demanded that processed meat sit beside raw meat. Thats a cross contamination nightmare. What does this have to do with hygiene? If you know how to be clean you know how to give a shit about a level of cleanliness you hold for yourself and whomever is in your house. Karen talks feelings and you know better. On my meat example I did the serving it right course, learned how to have proper food hygiene and when I got the demands, I ignored them. I know the place is hygienic, and all the whine mouth words in the world didn’t change that. I could safely ignore the nagging and maintain frame. My fridge is clean and I know it’s clean and thats the end of it. If you don’t care and she does, her feelings will eventually trump your knowledge. This is why nagging works, it taps into the ambivalence of men. My girl fought it, for a while. Most kids do that when their usual tricks don’t work. They amplify them assuming they aren’t trying enough, then eventually give up if you’re consistent. #Hygiene I’ve learned a lot from my military time. 12 years in the RCN. I’ve scrubbed more toilets than I can count. And we had a few simple rules for keeping a hygienic space. Since the ship was recycled air, everyone got sick if you didn’t, and your chain of command lines up taking turns tearing you a new asshole. #####Bathroom Two buckets, one with clean water and an empty one. One cloth and one brush with a little abrasion to it. A disinfectant (I like pine sol, but you can use bleach if you hate your clothes) some soap and something like VIM. Start at the top of the room and work your way down. Start with the cleanest items and work your way down to the dirtiest, everything gets a once over. Grab water from the clean bucket and wring out the dirty water in the other bucket. For the tub, sink and toilet it’s the same thing. Scrub them with the brush to get anything loose, then use the cloth to clean up the loose residue. Do the toilet last, I shouldn’t have to tell you this, and instead of sticking your hand in there just use a toilet brush. Back of the seat, underneath the seat, under the bowl, and around those stupid bolts that always have loose caps to them. Our Coxn used to walk into our bathroom and take a deep breath to give us the hint. If it doesn’t smell clean it’s not clean. Chemical smell and potpourri is not clean by the way. #####Kitchen. Same principle, start at the top and work your way down. Two buckets. This includes cleaning around the trash can under the sink. Just because you can’t see the top of the fridge doesn’t mean there’s nothing on top of the fridge. When you’re done, take a paper towel with a dab of mineral oil and wipe your stainless steel sink and faucet. If you have an induction stove soap and water and a cloth are good enough, wipe it down well and the fucker will shine like a mirror. #####Laundry If you’re with a girl, you’ve seen the standard scenario. A giant mountain of clean laundry while she roots through it every morning for something to wear. Eventually the pile mixes with the dirty stuff and it all gets washed again. Theres tons of good videos on proper folding of towels and sheets and hanging clothes in the closet so I won’t waste your time here. The point is it’s your house and you give a shit, even if she doesn’t. I wouldn’t bother folding her clothes if she can’t be bothered. Put em in a trash bag or a laundry hamper and throw them in her closet to deal with later. You will get grief on this but fuck it, if she folded her bras it wouldn’t be there. You’re not joking because you have a house you can be proud of and you take care of the shit. #####Living room Same as everything else, start at the top and work your way down. Less water is better because you want to pick up the dust, not turn it into a paste stuck to the wall. I love a damp dry mopping of the floors but I have wood floors, carpet people are on their own. #Finally, whats the point of all this and why do I care about Landry when my wife is a bitch and won’t fuck me? Notice how almost nothing in this so far is about your frigid wife, other than to get her lazy laundry out of your way? It’s like a metaphor or something. Ideally if you’re with a harpy who doesn’t provide any value to you, with the exception of a 9 month uterus rental why in the hell are you putting your happiness on her, waiting to do something for you? She’ll let you down, and on purpose. She doesn’t care. Perhaps you should care, hence why you have a spotless house, folded towels and a clean living room. You’ve spent god knows how long on being resentful of her being so disengaged that you’ve allowed yourself to wallow in your own misery and filth. So you’re running Dread, you’re washing your ass, dressing better, working out etc. So many guys still have their head up their wifes ass in some stupid covert contract where they put themselves in the position for her to judge his self improvement and whether it’s worth a little duty sex that month. Fuck that. Your keeping your house and hygiene up to standard because you’re living like she died last year and this is how you live if she wasn’t there. **If you’re doing this right, she may not be.** Ideally, after a year of looking hot and handling all your shit you’ll look over at frumpalumpamus and think: *‘Why the fuck is she even here?’* and you’ll finally start to realize you’re the fucking prize. A fully self actualized man who has his shit together and plenty of women would like to get to know better, and you’re wasting your time watching someone take it for granted. It makes you mad and you do something about it. And if you’re one of the ones whose wife or girlfriend realizes that she will either step up or be pushed aside? Well the next time she mandates some stupid ritualistic cleaning hoops for you to jump through you won’t be bleaching or cross contaminating your sandwiches with raw chicken anymore. I guarantee there are guys outside, right now who are looking [absolutely ridiculous with ineffective quarantine-ready feel good measures](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aMwMmSTDWl4) filling their houses with panic. Guess whose broke right now for spending 80 dollars on toilet paper? Guess who is so timid that their wives dried up like the Sahara? Guess who isn’t the oak in their home and keeping their families actually safe instead of ‘feeling’ safe? Be that guy if you want, but from what I see, guys who have their hygiene squared away and their heads on straight tend to have wives and girlfriends who are calming down their co workers who are filled with all kinds of panic. It turns out that by being the hygiene alpha male that the shit ripples to the social circles around you. I know my woman stopped watching the news, calmed down plenty of married beta-male co workers and no longer tries to bleach my food. **It’s not about being clean, it’s about belling deliberate and knowing your standards.**",,74,RStonePT,2020-04-15 17:01:06 marriedredpill,g11qmx,"Own Your Shit Weekly - April 14, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,23,AutoModerator,2020-04-14 08:24:22 marriedredpill,g0n08o,How MRP Helped Change my Mental Models and Led Me to Training My Woman to Cum on Command,"I could have done this without using this method and vehicle outlined here but when I did, it helped reshape my mental models. I'm a [Chevy guy](https://i.imgur.com/phXHunY.png) (God I love southern women - and she looks *strikingly* similar to my woman). Maybe you've been driving a shitty Ford and want to take my Chevy for a test ride. Cool, maybe you'll like it. If you like it enough - keep it. In a recent OYS, /u/Balls_Wellington_ wrote: >*Now that the sex frequency and quality is up, I'm forced to confront another issue: I'm not reliably giving my wife orgasms during sex. I last decently long so I don't think it is a mechanical issue (or at least not entirely). My dick isn't anything special but I am dead on average so that isn't the issue either.* > >*The obvious answer is that I am in my own head here. I've pretty much fixed my validation seeking when it comes to the availability of sex, but once I'm doing the deed I crave the validation of making her cum. I can feel this kill the vibe just as reliably as attempting to bargain for duty sex.* > >*However, this is also something I want to figure out for more reasons than just my own validation. When she's a good girl and does exactly what I want, she deserves a reward and it sucks to have trouble giving her that. She's been giving me shit about the rareness of her orgasms as well, which I actually take as a good sign: she never cared before because sex was a chore.* [I too experienced this same phenomenon](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/alecqk/leading_good_behavior_outside_of_the_bedroom_into/efdekg4?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x) through my journey. My wife would only cum 20% of the time and **only from oral**. I went through a few phases of mental models (in this order): 1. I wanted my wife to cum because it meant I was good in bed (covert contract, [good lover validation](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/ab7vt5/validation_needs_that_can_poison_your_sex_life/)). 2. I wanted my wife to cum because I thought she would enjoy sex more (covert contract). 3. I wanted my wife to cum because I thought if she enjoyed sex, she would want it more often (convert contract). 4. I wanted my wife to cum because I thought she liked sex now and was attracted to me (attraction validation). 5. I wanted my wife to cum because I wanted to reward her for being a good girl (not necessarily bad in this post's context - but can be a wrong approach). In my post linked above, the advice I was given by other MRPers was to up the dominance, introduce different toys, maybe porn… spice things up. You can see some of my early ego in that post (“*I know how to make my wife cum and make her cum hard*”) which was quickly read through as bullshit by /u/Cam_Winston21 – he pointed out that I could only make my wife cum one way… from oral, and it was a lot of work. It was boring. I was boring. I took the advice of the people there and did spice things up, using variety (DEVI concepts – SGM on the sidebar - out of print but [available here](https://www.reddit.com/r/redpillbooks/comments/3rk5zk/the_red_pill_mega_book_collection_v20/) in the RP mega book collection) - but I was left with somewhat of the same results. She never came during sex. I could get her off from oral using clitoral stimulation. Vaginal was 100% out of the question. It was difficult and a lot of work. I was a one trick pony and secretly she despised my lack of imagination and skills, and read through my validation desire to have her cum. It ruined everything. There were some very, very serious mental blocks. I knew that in order to create better sex I had to destroy the shitty mental model that both of us had crafted and replace it with new ones. Even the mental model of ""don't care if she cums it's her responsibility"" didn't work - because she didn't know *how to cum.* **I had trained her so very, very badly from years of shitty sex*****.*** This would take a very long time. I wanted to create my own slut. # Here's what I did: First, it's worth mentioning some things: 1. I began playing with this idea about a month before my main event and our formal D/s relationship in rare sessions to introduce it. 2. This method may have had a large part of leading to the D/s dynamic as it does introduce some very heavy mental aspects of submission. 3. I was one of those men that used to say, ""*Yeah, my wife just isn't into that kind of stuff*"". 4. This is now a 100% permanent fixture in our dynamic. I began experimenting with [orgasm control](https://www.submissiveguide.com/fundamentals/articles/truth-orgasm-control-denial) (there is a very good series [here](https://www.submissiveguide.com/fundamentals/series/series-orgasm-control)). **I did not let her cum.** In fact I forbid it. I told her during sex that she was not allowed to cum. I told her this daily. She was forbidden to masturbate. This allowed her to feel used and abused, making it a forbidden thing for her to cum. It's some weird reverse psychology shit for women. It also released all the pressure of her being inside her own head of trying to cum to \*shockingly\* please me (thanks Mr. Good Lover Validation). There were a lot of fucked up mental models on both sides and taking her orgasms away completely seemed to break her (and me) of these models and replace them with another one. I started with the magic wand (corded version - moar power), which is super fucking intense for *any* woman. I would just shut it off mid session while talking dirty to her the whole time and telling her ""Don't you dare fucking cum unless I tell you to, you little slut."" or things like ""You will only cum when I tell you to from now on. I own this little body of yours."" I never let her cum. If she wanted to cum, I would make her beg for it. Beg. Sometimes she would beg in a manic angry and crazy way – nearly in tears at times. I would still say no. After a few weeks of this I would maybe let her cum 10% of the time but only after the most intense begging. About a month of that and then I would do things like count her down from 10, but stop at 1 and end the session. Just crazy shit like that blue balling the fuck out of her, until she understood that orgasm *was not the goal.* **Pleasure was the goal.** But orgasm was *a reward.* Which is what I was trying to get to mentally. After that I would only let her cum when I came. She'd rub herself while she blew me or I gave her a facial. When I came I would command her to cum. She did almost every time. If she failed to cum when she had begged for it – or on command, I would blue-ball her the next night as punishment since I was unhappy that she had not accepted my gracious reward quickly. This associated my pleasure with her pleasure. Did that for a month or so. Sometimes I'd randomly tell her to go to the bedroom and touch herself but not cum so her pussy was tighter for me that night. Other times I'd get just to edge of cumming myself and then just stop - but have her thinking the whole time she wasn't going to get to orgasm too since I was. Save it for later. Just random shit at random times. After that I wouldn't let her cum for weeks. I’d make her tell me how many days it’s been since she got to cum each night. The longest she went was 18 days. She'd grind her little pussy on my leg at night like a little teenage girl dry humping her boyfriend, begging me to let her cum - trying to get me to cum so she could cum - all kinds of crazy tricks. Random blowjobs, all kinds of shit. I would occasionally reward her for doing something really naughty. On the 19th day I let her cum because she did something exceptionally dirty. I created a model where I consistently pushed her to her orgasm edge and would create a rollercoaster. I would push further and further each time creating a more diverse scale of pleasure – training her to dial it up and down that scale that grew larger in each session. I used the word “harder” to command her dial it up. I used the word “no” to have her dial it down. I would say the phrase “right there you little slut” or ""good girl"" to make her maintain herself there on the scale. As she learned to control her own body and made it her responsibility - dialing up, dialing down, or maintaining, I would reward her with an orgasm for doing as I pleased. **Basically, I've been working this entire time to fuck her mind.** It took a good 3-4 months to change the mental models for both me and her and to remove all blocks to learn that experiencing **great pleasure was the goal.** Looking back now I didn't know it then, but I taught both of us that orgasm was the explosion of that already existing and constant pleasure.... and was always in my frame. # How the sidebar (TWOTSM) led me to this: Towards the end Deida begins to talk about some fucked up shit and withholding ejaculation as a form of power. [I gave an easy version explanation of that here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/alr39e/wotsm_withholding_ejaculation/efgb8e4/?context=3) I began by withholding my own ejaculation to understand this energy and power. **You want to know what makes a woman go batshit crazy from a high value man? Don't cum.** Serious. Just try it and calibrate. I can't explain it until you do it. Withholding your own orgasm because *you want to* and have abundance that another sexual session is anytime you want it creates new mental models for you to adopt. It is abundance, not a scarcity mentality, and she feelz through that too. Fair question - **when was the last time you just had sex without ejaculating?** Just for fun? Just to fuck her? **And gift** ***her*** **your cock?** (think about that mental model for a bit) I then moved from that to me controlling her orgasms, yes. I had to learn to control myself first and strip her of that power. She knew I had control of the most primal part of my being as a man and that flipped some major shit with her hamster - or she thought I was getting my balls drained elsewhere - until I *did cum* and my god.... she learned to love facials. I was blowing loads like never before. Fuck their feelz and minds and they'll mindfuck themselves to orgasm. # Why did this work for me? Orgasm control/denial/play was just a *vehicle* for me to learn how to drive down the road of sexual power exchange. We say it here all the time: Men control commitment, women control the sex. Then we tell men here to play these power games of [dread](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2lpafb/the_12_step_plan_of_dread_book_excerpt_from_my/) and manipulative nice guy ass-fuckery to get laid (at first – until they stop faking it and actually make it - or they don't and LARP themselves to divorce). Fuck that. I control both the commitment and the sex. Especially when she initiates. Her job is to manage the relationship. My wife came into my office a few days ago and said, ""*Hey honey. Can I bother you for a minute?*"" I was slightly busy and annoyed. But as I look up she just drops to her knees and says, ""*I just need you cock in my mouth for a few minutes, please?*"" - I know she's doing this because she likes playing this power game too (always aware she's actually in my frame) and is trying to be such a good slutty girl because she wants to cum tonight. Maybe she will, maybe she won't. I just go with the flow. But you bet she’ll be begging to cum. # Where am I Now? I've spent a lot of time training her to do the following: * She has an orgasm if I put my finger in her for more than 15 seconds. * She has an orgasm if a tiny bit of cum hits her lips. * She has an orgasm if I tell her to. Anytime. Clitoral. Vaginal. Currently working on Anal. * Orgasm on command through non-verbal cues (touch her collar a certain way). * She learned to squirt. On the 19th day of orgasm denial, she squirted for the first time ever in her life. Now she regularly does so after learning to control her body. * She still grinds my leg every night like a little teenage girl dry humping her boyfriend in bed. ***The final reward for her is orgasm on command with no stimulation.*** I think it's hot as fuck that soon I'll just be able to look at her and whisper in her ear.... ""*magic words*""..... and she will cum. Anywhere, anytime. I've been working on that for about 8 months now. Still about a year away. Strength, motherfuckers.",,134,HornsOfApathy,2020-04-13 17:05:10 marriedredpill,fzvz8f,The Power of Visualization,"**You are meant to succeed** Men are goal-seeking beings. We were meant to strive for the next mission, to conquer, to overcome adversity and claim victory. In other words, each man is designed to achieve [what is best in life](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oo9buo9Mtos) for him. Striving for a goal is the way to success and happiness, and the two are closely related. *""True success and true happiness not only go together but each enhances the other.""* \- Maxwell Maltz In order to help us define and achieve our goals, MRP offers a sidebar, weekly OYS and a wealth of complimentary knowledge from its members. It is a set of tools to facilitate our continual transformation, and even the vets here continue to transform, to improve every day. **Program yourself for success** One of the best tools for transformation is not specifically called out much in MRP yet: visualization. Not to get too philosophical on you, but regardless of your belief system, for the moment think of the mind and the body as vessels for your spirit. They are similar to a machine. Machines can be trained, programmed to do what we want them to. Input a flight plan into a plane, and the machine finds its course and performs (usually) as expected. It needs a flight plan to know where to go and it needs to move to know if it is going in the right direction. Your mind and body are the same way. Their ""input instructions"" come in the form of visualization, which is the domain of your imagination. Your imagination can paint the picture of you succeeding in a mission, overcoming an obstacle or even finding your next mission. What's most important is you vividly picture your success in achieving your goal, *especially how you feel while succeeding*. That is how the rest of your mind and body gets the message. It's a way of communicating with your subconscious on what you want the rest of your being to achieve. How do we know visualization actually makes a difference? Consider this example, taken from [Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz](https://www.amazon.com/Psycho-Cybernetics-Updated-Expanded-Maxwell-Maltz/dp/0399176136) (a masterpiece and I highly recommend it for any MRP member). In this book, Maltz references an experiment where three groups of people were baselined on their ability to make free throws: * Group 1 practiced for 20 minutes per day for three weeks. At the end of this period, they had improved their free throw performance by 24%. * Group 2 did not practice at all for three weeks (control group). At the end of this period, their free throw performance had not changed. * Group 3 *visualized* practicing for 20 minutes per day for three weeks, but *did not do any physical practice*. At the end of this period, they had improved their free throw performance by 23%. Go back and read that last point on Group 3 again. Group 3 only visualized their practice, they did no physical practice at all, yet they still improved their abilities nearly the same as Group 1, which had practiced physically in a traditional sense! Think of the power this now gives you. There are few limitations on the imagination, which empowers you to improve your abilities in nearly any area you can visualize regardless of your physical and logistical circumstances and limitations (e.g. COVID-19 lockdowns or something as simple as not always having the time or means to train in the traditional sense). **Tips for getting started** 1 - Break your inertia. You need to be moving to know if you are on course. Back to the airplane analogy, if the plane isn't moving, it doesn't know if it's on course. Weather pattern changes and other factors may take the plane off course along its way. However, as it gets off course, it realizes this and course corrects. The plane literally zig zags to its target. Success is a zig zag, not a straight line. You need to be taking action and willing to accept many failures in order to succeed. Go look up why Ford's first commercially successful automobile was a ""Model T"". Almost no one gets things right the first time around. Those that fail, course correct and persist are the ones that succeed. As Maltz puts it, ""Functionally, a man is somewhat like a bicycle - it must maintain forward momentum towards a goal or it gets shaky and falls down."" 2 - Set aside time for visualization every day. I suggest you start with 10 - 30 minutes. Regardless of your mission, it counts almost as much as taking direct physical action. We reviewed a basketball example above, but really this can be applied to any sport, chess, hitting new PRs in your lifts, day game scenarios, night game scenarios, martial arts, playing musical instruments, even building your frame. It is all put even more within reach through the power of visualization. Yes you still need to lift, game and have friends in real life, FFS. 3 - Keep these practical application points in mind: * Your success mechanism must have a goal or target that you believe already exists (it can exist in actuality, or in potential). * It must be in alignment with your self-image and believable to you. For example, I'm in my 40's and have been doing BJJ for 6 months - imagining me winning a UFC championship is useless because I don't see that as realistic for myself. * Only work on one thing at once. One goal at a time. * Focus on the END, NOT the MEANS. When you vividly visualize the goal, your body's internal mechanisms will find a way to help achieve it. * Making mistakes helps to direct you toward your goal. It provides an autocorrect that helps you ""course-correct"" towards your goal. * You gain skill by redirecting your errors until you are heading in the right direction. Then, you must FORGET the past (the errors), and focus on the final successful choice that led you in the right direction. * Trust in the process without worrying about it or trying to adjust it. You must “let it” work, rather than “make it” work. Your success comes as you act, and the proof of your success follows, so you can’t look for success before actions. * This takes some time. Reserve judgement until you have made a practice of this technique daily, focused on a single goal, for at least three weeks. **Make it a habit** This is mostly a subconscious process you are setting into effect. The key is making a habit out of training it through your imagination on a regular basis. This is how the ""machine"" you have been given works. Putting it to regular use is essentially creating a habit of being happy. And, in the words of Robert Louis Stevenson, ""the habit of being happy enables one to be freed, or largely freed, from the domination of our outward conditions."" Try this technique out for a few weeks and report your findings below. Edit: corrected typos",,48,PillUpAss,2020-04-12 12:35:44 marriedredpill,fzet3d,60 DoD 2020: Week 2 Eating for Health and Fitness,"Miss me? Some computer issues have kept me away, but we’re back on track. This is no excuse of course; you should be taking initiative and ownership of your own life, your own actualization, your own improvement. As with everything else we have put all the tools and resources right here for you. Did you do that, or did you sit on your beta ass and wait for me? How’s that for some mindset? If you haven’t already, you should be reviewing the posts on methods of eating from prior years. Pick your favorite and research it deeper. Report in OYS what changes you’re making, and WHY. Now, “Eating for Health and Fitness.” What is the mindset for eating? We obviously have to eat to live, but there can be so much more to it than just that. There are eating goals: weight loss, pleasure, body chemistry modification. There are eating philosophies: keto, paleo, vegetarian, vegan, carnivore. Implicit in all this is that you have a *goal*. That you are eating with *purpose*. Boredom and mindlessness in eating are generally, like in all things, poor reasons and will lead to bad choices. So the mindset here is one of recognizing purpose and understanding that eating – in so much as choosing what to eat and when and how much – is a conscious choice on the road to your goals. Admit and acknowledge that your eating matters, that it is a reflection of *what and who you choose to be*. Are you eating to gain muscle? Lose weight? Lower cholesterol? It doesn’t matter. Do your research, understand your macros and caloric goals, design your menus and meal plan, and then do that. Do it because you want what it will give you if you do. Do it because you can, as a man of resolve and grit. Do it because all those pathetic bastards you know all around you lack the bravery and willpower to do it. * * * * * * * * * * I won’t be doing any more of these this year (unless someone flakes). Next week we’ll be hearing about hygiene. As always, authors pen their own work within the theme, so we’ll see what else we get. One thing I can promise though is that each post will offer you guidance and perspective on mindset. Keep it up, we’ve only just begun.",,15,SorcererKing,2020-04-11 19:07:35 marriedredpill,fzfrpv,FR: Apocalyptic Abundance,"This post is for the low tier faggots and grinders who make excuses, and can't seem to turn the corner. This is where I am now, long way to go still: April 2020 https://imgur.com/a/9dtSs2e I started 6 months ago, looking like this: October 2019 https://imgur.com/a/t3G4Egt My readings and last lifts before gyms closed can be found in my OYS, along with my background. I posted in OYS from the first month I found this sub. 31yo 6'2"" 199lbs ~20%BF Where I live everything is closed except ""the essentials."" On Thursday, multiple Mayors in my state including mine made Emergency Proclamations declaring a curfew in effect from 11pm-5am on Fri Sat Sun, weekly until May. They've said this is a test and may be expanded. Things are pretty tight, store shelves still empty the same day that shipments arrive, and everyone who got laid off is just trying to float until their stimulus arrives, because they know they're about to get fucked by our high cost of living. *40%* lost their jobs due to the lack of tourism happening now. Its predicted tourism won't recover back to where it was by a 20% margin once they release the restrictions, so 1 of 5 of those 40% isn't going to go back to work in the same place when this is over, and they all know it. That's 8% of our island working class, unemployed indefinitely. That's what this getting better again looks like, best case scenario. #The Point So I've set the background. People are scared and they don't know what's going to happen. I decided that since my divorce isn't going to go through anytime soon (courts are down), it was time to start the next part of my life. Time to start plating, work on that Abundance, and get my dick wet so I can start to work through more personal mental BS now instead of later. I thought because of COVID-19, plating would be more difficult. Holy fuck was I wrong. Women's hamsters are in overdrive 24/7 right now, hypergamy is driving them to seek security like a heat seeking missile, and they're looking for something, *anything,* to change those shitty feelz they're getting from everywhere all the time while sitting alone and bored in their house. I downloaded the dating apps that get used in my area, set up a low info profile with good pics, key vague HVM info, and language that qualifies the women who view me, and started swiping and liking. I immediately got results. I've been doing this less than a week, and I've already fucked one plate by date 3 (HB5 40yo property manager) where she was hounding me to come over (and still is), made out with a second on the first date with her begging me to give her a butt massage on date 2 later this week (HB7 28yo scuba instructor) and have a third set for a first date this Tuesday (HB7 30yo Nurse) who has been talking about taking my temp with a thermometer up my ass while I put my dick in hers. Once I actually meet them (always in public near their place or at their place) I give minimal/unimportant info about myself, ask a lot of questions, and let them talk while actively listening for places to inject humor or innuendo. If they ask me questions I answer them honestly, other than telling them that I'm already divorced. These are just the girls I've actually decided to meet up with because they are attractive, actually have a passable brain and sense of humor, and their lives aren't a train wreck. There are triple this many available on this island and 10 times that available where I travel for business that would be down to meet me, but this isn't actually my main focus right now and don't want to spend more time on plating than I am, which isn't much, maybe an hour a day cumulatively unless I'm going on a date. All it took is being a little bit funny and original in text, and making nearly everything into a double entendre or outright joke about sex. It also took maintaining Frame as a HVM/The Prize, and passing basic shit tests, but that's supposed to be a given. Dancing like a fucking monkey is easy when they don't know you, I'm not deluded into thinking I'm not fucking up all over the place in my mental models, because I know I am, I recognize it when it happens. But I'm out there grinding it out, and I'm learning about myself and growing at an exponential rate because of it. The other parts of my life are improving at a similar pace, but they aren't why most guys come to this sub. Don't let anyone or anything, including a ""global pandemic"" stop you from pursuing your goals, following your MAP, and finding your mission. Making mistakes along the way is how you grow. Look forward to them because they will be your best teachers. Lift. Read. STFU. Put in the work. That's all there is. Do the work or go fuck yourself for the rest of your life, literally.",,9,AlohaMaui808,2020-04-11 19:29:47 marriedredpill,fysqfc,PSA: Lockdown and You… Details…,"**You are not allowed to stop working out:** You could be and should be working out much harder and in a more innovative manner than ever before. I have more than 20-years of lifting under my belt, but what I'm learning by partnering with my son and seeing all the crazy shit on youtube is insane. We have not missed a single workout (he's a beast), which is cool in and of itself; but we have not repeated a single workout either. Parkour + MMA exists? Fuck yah it does. I haven't looked forward to working out this much in a long-ass time. Blue sky, sun, no clouds, light breeze, coconut palms, and 85-degrees certainly helps. **You are not allowed to stop tracking your food, fattie:** Have you been getting fat? If so, learn from it. There are really only two kinds of people, those who exercise self-discipline and those who don't. If you've been getting fat it's largely because your ""schedule"" - the majority of which is likely imposed upon you by others - is itself contributing to your ability to remain - or try to become - fit. Maybe you even suffer from full-on *external locus-of-control* syndrome, which is itself a bitch. Learn from it. Your job provided a schedule? Make your own. Your boss compelled you to rely on the company calendar for meetings? Use your own. Learn to be your own man - if nothing else - guiding your own decisions. Start with a simple nightly plan for the day after. But don't fucking get fat, fatty. You know that fat is like a magnet for this shit, right? And fat looks awful to your wife? And fat is disgusting? And it's utterly useless though uses energy so is actually running net-negative in terms of usefulness? Leave the fucking fat for that fucking 600-lb surgeon who's making a boatload of money 'cuz so many fat fucks are now morbidly obese fat fucks. **You are not allowed to stop showering:** I once read that gamers don't shower. I recently read that professional gaming is pandemic-proof. So if you’re a professional gamer, then to hell with showering. For the other 32,345 of you, however, take a fucking shower. Christ. My children wanted - **wanted** - to take showers by the time they were about seven. If steele needs to remind you to shower then you're just a god-awful creature who should be living in a cave and if you ever want your wife to shave her sasquatch vagina again you better fucking remember that. Steele is way too kind to fat fuckers who don't shower. **You are not allowed to stop dressing appropriately, you lazy fucker:** Sadly, I've been reading the last many years' worth of *style guides* and am convinced that no one here knows how to dress appropriately anyway. Unless they live in NYC, San Francisco, LA, Miami, definitely Miami Beach, Paris, Barcelona, Sicily, particularly Ibiza, maybe Houston, definitely not Monaco, South Korea if you're a lesbian and into cartoons, and 50/50 Buenos Aires. 'Merica is largely fucked except for those within 30 minutes of a coastline, in about six states. **You are not allowed to stop brushing your teeth:** Jesus steele, ye of little faith, that's just disgusting. Any dude here reading this who needs to be reminded to brush his teeth is not now, nor ever will likely be a man or even a functioning human being. I get it, depression and all, but shit. Enough. I dealt with hardcore anhedonia and **worked** my way through it. Besides, fucking Joe Tiger King ruled over dumb-asses, monkeys, and lions, along with toothless, showerless, smelly assholes, so clearly, if you're not brushing your teeth, you're either a gay douchebag or a monkey. **You are not allowed to stop trimming your fingernails and toenails, and your nose hairs:** [Oh, steele, the masses cried, clippers are not essential items. Whhhaaaaa.] For fuck sake, just bite your nails off like I do - after washing your hands for 20 seconds while singing happy-birthday twice - then follow-up with a pristine shiner nail buffer. What the fuck else are these teeth for? Regarding the nose hairs, be sure to double-check your ears, between the eyebrows (fucking mongoloid), back, and - puke - ass-crack. Conversely, if you have light, blonde hair and play tennis you can skip these strategic maneuvers. **You are not allowed to stop shaving your balls:** Fuck shaving your balls you bunch of metrosexuals. I mean sure, if your balls are covered in moss then go for the trim, but shave? Jesus. [The Surgeon General today said](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nf6IVlSeP7M&feature=youtu.be&t=1901) - while bemoaning having been born a gay, black man - ""wash your hands more often than you ever dreamed possible… and speaking of testicles… stay at home if possible… we need you to do this for your mother… we need you to do this for your abuela… do it for your granddaddy, like I do… do it for your big mamma… do it for your pop-pop."" He's talking about your balls, dick, those veritable underwater volcanoes of covid activity, key to flattening the curve and saving humanity, so get your act together. These are challenging times. And stay away from your granddaddy. **You are not allowed to stop being the oak:** Part two, so poignant during this time of strife, this time of fear, this time of panic, this time of no fucking postings on MRP… well, I will *thrust* it upon your wife's ample bosom, and upon your own waiting eyes, wanting hands, and less-than-muscular bodies, this weekend. H-O-M-O-S. **You are not allowed to lose all of the discipline you've gained:** Presuming of course that you've gained discipline. Some of you have, most of you haven't. Why? Well, most likely because you're lazy. We all know reddit skews 'merican, we all know 'merica skews fat, we all know 'merica also skews lazy and entitled. ""Why should I be disciplined,"" you wonder. ""Why should I be fit,"" you ask. ""Why can't I have my cake and eat it too,"" you shout to the gods. But most of all, ""why (1) won't my wife let me fuck her ass, or (2) lick my balls, or (3) fondle my anus, or (4) rub her hands lovingly along my ripped physique, pausing slowly along each of the three heads of my deltoid, running idealistically along my intercostals, pausing briefly at my obliques, and then stopping - and gazing - in wonder - at the ""fuck wings"" - is that what you call them perseus (?) - did I get that right (?) - shit I still don't have those things. *(Fuck I lost track of my closing quotes need some help.)* Well, you know those vertical muscles that point to your cock - sheeeit - so my point is that you're a homo and you're fat and you don't shower or shave and all sorts of other crap, that's why. Oh, and you probably still don't have discipline you faggot because you're here under false pretenses. Douche, you're here not for you, you're here for your fucking wife. Let me spell that out: f-o-r---y-o-u-r---f-u-c-k-i-n-g---w-i-f-e (wtf formatting). Dumbass, you're not fooling anyone, so until you develop some discipline for you - just for you - rather than for your wife's vagina - then you haven't even developed discipline - instead you've just developed *quasi-you-vagina-discipline-syndrome.* Hydroxychloroquine will not cure you of this. Only authenticity will, and you know nothing about authenticity anyway until you de-fag yourself. Besides, it only takes 40-days to develop a habit that sticks. 40 days. That's just .00137 of your entire life, lazy-ass. **You are not allowed to not have a damn plan for the pandemic, even now:** I had a plan for this in fucking December. So did MCT. I prepared all of my employees in January - largely because the world was descending upon us for the goddamn super bowl. My fucking son has a plan. My daughter has a plan. My wife, oh what a surprise, does not have plan. I am her plan. Yet you don't have a plan? For fuck sake. If you're gonna ""bathe in the blood of jesus"" and that's your plan - yup, real, live quote on the news here - or you're just not into planning much - then you're about one hundred million steps behind the dumbest of the dumb. If you're really this dumb, like a character in a Doctor Seuss book, then perhaps you're just fucked and, well, the apocalypse is coming, it's a dog-eat-dog world, and in that world, some dogs are simply dinner. **You are not allowed to stop preparing for the future:** Preparing equals plan. I wrote three paragraphs and deleted them because it really is that simple. Well, now, in thinking it through, there is another important message. Many of you are fucked. Many of you likely cannot get over how fucked you are. Many of you have lost your jobs. Many are losing your businesses. Many will be losing marriages. Many will suffer hardships not seen since the Great Depression. So what's a good man to do? I've thought about this often, and it segues into the next bullet point below: how can you really be an oak, really be stoic, and really weather any storm, with a laissez-faire that Adam Smith would admire… without staring death in the eye, without looking at the end, without expecting it, and without becoming at peace with it. My answer, sadly, is that I don't know. I really wish I did. I could offer up so, so much to the thirty-thousand dudes here, but the reality is that mine has been such a fucked-up, crazy, unique set of circumstances, that it's just not really practical. Know this: I'm in my 40's now. My health only went to hell in my 30's. I had plenty of years before when I failed, and succumbed, and blew it up, and deteriorated, and fucked myself, and fucked others, and generally fucked-up everything. The earliest ones seemed to be the hardest. So much invested: My ego. My identity. My sense of self-worth. Exactly like this: (too many colons) walking along a desert and encountering a hill: (see, I told you, that's three) strength gone, passion gone, confidence gone. Yet I stumble up and across that hill. And I keep going. Only to find a bigger hill: Thirsty now, starving too, perspiring, and fearful. Yet I climb and cross that next hill. Only to find that the hills keep coming. A simple parable, sure, but really it's the easiest way to communicate what it has taken for me to reach this point. Long before death forced me to embrace stoicism, I was already doing the work. I was trying and failing. I was experiencing life. I was picking myself back up and trying again. And as each year passed, I recognized that **this, too, shall pass** and it rarely is as bad as we think, and even when it is actually as bad as we think, well you know what, it's still not so bad, it's just life. **You are not allowed to let the things you can't control you:** Look back in my post history if you like, you'll find my come-to-jesus realization that I can only control so much. That I can, and will - because I choose to - excel with those things that I can control. But at the same time, perhaps paradoxically, I, a control freak, will extinguish control over those things I cannot. Focus on differentiating between the two. I spoke to a client today. He's worth 8 figures. He's bemoaning the problems in our particularly-hard-hit industry, and while his wife is a legitimate cunt, he had driven to his house in the keys, sat on his pier, and gazed at the sunset - while finally recognizing that this - this - he cannot control. Why, I asked? Because, he said, for those things I control I think and plan and stress and stay up and own. But today, he added, for this thing I cannot control, I will be at peace. That dude is older and in his 50's, but his is a valuable lesson, one you would do well to focus upon. **You are not allowed to stop having fun and stop gaming your wife:** Jury's out on this. I'm convinced that a man and a woman should only spend so much time together. So for those dudes spending entirely too much time with their wives, I'd say: get the fuck out of the house, if you can, or mark off some part of your domain. Personally, I can only stomach so much of my wife, and if the duration goes above a certain point, I'd rather game her fucking shitszu. Then again, I never did all this: -- | MRP = good | blue pill = bad | TRP = acne | -- for anyone else. P.S. I misinterpreted - or just misread this. Steel's right. My point was meant to be: don't spend too goddamn much time with your wife if you'd like to retain your sanity. Unless you dig spending all your time with your wife. Which is just fucking weird. And unnatural. *""Come on baby, hold my hand, we'll get our nails done and then shop for dresses, yay, didn't you say you needed more cosmetics, let's grab some sprouted chia seeds as a snack"" said no [m-a-n] ever.* **You are not allowed to stop fucking your wife because you're stressed:** Okay [steele](https://old.reddit.com/user/SteelSharpensSteel), explain how to do this. I'm sure our readers would like to know. I'd certainly like to know. I don't fuck my wife for validation. But these days, there are times when I'd rather fuck one of my beautiful coconut trees. Certainly the Japanese Maple that's blooming. How the fuck do you pull this off? Vet asking though vet doesn't particularly care, lol. p.s. Thanks, steele… for your [post](https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/fxh8yu/psa_lockdown_and_you/) and great insight. If I believed in that whole Morpheus-gay-crap that HOA is always talking about you'd be 1/2 of mine.",,49,johneyapocalypse,2020-04-11 00:31:10 marriedredpill,fxh8yu,PSA: Lockdown and You,"This is a public service announcement. Odds are you're in the midst of a lockdown due to Covid-19. * You are not allowed to stop working out. * You are not allowed to stop tracking your food, fattie. * You are not allowed to stop showering. * You are not allowed to stop dressing appropriately, you lazy fucker. * You are not allowed to stop brushing your teeth. * You are not allowed to stop trimming your fingernails and toenails, and your nose hairs. * You are not allowed to stop shaving your balls. * You are not allowed to stop being the oak. * You are not allowed to lose all of the discipline you've gained. * You are not allowed to not have a damn plan for the pandemic, even now. * You are not allowed to stop preparing for the future. * You are not allowed to let the things you can't control control you. * You are not allowed to stop having fun and stop gaming your wife. * You are not allowed to stop fucking your wife because you're stressed. What I'm saying is, you are not allowed to stop being attractive. You have to be attractive. Don't be unattractive. Even in a pandemic. I got a few doctor friends. They are all saying that their patients are getting fat. Every. Single. Patient. And booze sales are up 55%. Gee, I wonder why. ""But... but... I'm stressed, Steel. I need some comfort food. I NEED that drink."" Well boo fucking hoo, you weakass. Just remember, the next time you reach for that cookie or beer or what have you, and think to yourself, man, I deserve this... Yes, yes you do. You reap what you sow, after all. In fact, that's what got you into this mess, isn't it. Now get back to work. Summer is right around the corner.",,133,SteelSharpensSteel,2020-04-08 23:22:44 marriedredpill,fx8tmn,[FR] – What the Fuck Have I Gotten Myself Into? Learning how to live a good life.," Here was my first ever post titled [“What the Fuck Have I Gotten Myself Into”](https://www.removeddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/9lm4x0/what_the_fuck_have_i_gotten_myself_into/e77pbw2/) to askMRP which I was such a faggot I deleted. Don't delete shit people - you'll regret it and that was a pain in the ass to find on removeddit. Comments are [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/9lm4x0/what_the_fuck_have_i_gotten_myself_into/) So what did I get myself into? * A journey which continues that has improved *EVERY ASPECT* of my life in profound and unimaginable ways * A new worldview where things outside my control rarely bother me, and if they do – I can quickly work through them back to a calm mental state * The ability to go after what I want and judge myself based on my values and ideals – no one else’s * Seeing a shitty marriage, initially trying to ‘fix’ it and then realizing what I wanted would not be possible and burning it down a few months ago * Several periods of depression, questioning what the fuck I was doing, self-pity, failures, looking for external validation. For every two steps forwards there was a step back and sometimes it was 5 steps back. * The determination to keep moving the fuck forward. Day by day. From that original post /u/SteelSharpensSteel distilled the entire process into a few sentences (because he's a fucking voodoo witch doctor at this shit): >“You want to know what you can do? Own your shit. Make slow, positive incremental changes in your life. Learn the tools. Shut the fuck up. Forgive yourself for making mistakes along the way. > >Become better.” **Where am I now?** I’m in the process of divorce. It’s not been the ideal circumstances with COVID, but things are moving on. I’m in the best headspace of my life – true OI and DNGAF. I’ve seen two girls in the past 3 days. One I met her Monday and fucked her last night and this morning multiple times including in her ass. This is what is possible when you stop being a faggot. If I went back and told myself this 18 months ago, I would have bet against myself with 1,000,000:1 odds. I have seen true desire from women. I will never settle for less. My career continues to improve, financially I have a game plan post divorce to rebuild wealth. I am in an insanely calm mental state constantly. I simply enjoy life while I continue the small incremental improvement to make myself even better. **How** Pretty simple program here… I lifted, (attempted to) STFU, read the sidebar, reread the sidebar, and posted in OYS every single week for over 15 months without fail. Along the way I gained insights (and yes being called a faggot is an insight) and a serendipitous Morpheus IRL. I got angry, I rambo’d hard, I lost frame multiple times. I put up with disrespect and physical assault from the STBX. I saw (and still see) attempts to turn my kids against me. But I weathered it all. There were certainly things I would do differently – not go Rambo, not tell my STBX of my divorce plans, not have talked so fucking much (STFU people). I would have listened to the warnings and vets who told me all this shit I had a huge ego and “thought I knew better”. I didn’t – and you reading this don’t either. So to boil it down: 1. Lift – now, today, don’t wait (ok if the gym is closed due to COVID then body weight) but do *something* 2. Shut the fuck up – seriously, this was such a weak point for me and the source for a lot of failures 3. Realize you’ll get angry and get an outlet for it – I took up Muay Thai and got it out in the Iron Temple. I still was angry and fucked up talking about it (see #2) 4. Read read read – Read the sidebar, take your time, highlight, re-read, do any exercises in the books, really absorb the material 5. Practice – you can’t just read, you have to practice and make those small incremental improvements. Don’t sit in an Ivory Tower reading all day – use the knowledge you have 6. Realize that your wife (or LTR or g/f) is not the only woman out there – Keep going and no matter what happens YOU will be fine 7. Listen to the vets and drop the ego and pretense. They see you bullshitting yourself or doing stupid shit – and there’s a good chance it’s because they did it themselves 8. Stop hiding your true self – go after what the fuck you want relentlessly 9. Never allow disrespect to continue in your relationship, set a boundary and enforce it even if it means the relationship is dead 10. Do not let anyone tell you who you are and how to act. Be your own judge.",,69,Tyred_Biggums,2020-04-08 15:47:02 marriedredpill,fwgtfl,"Own Your Shit Weekly - April 07, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,22,AutoModerator,2020-04-07 08:24:24 marriedredpill,fu3k1v,Have you swallowed the Red Chewable Tablet?,"These are stressful times. And nobody experiences stress more than wives. I wrote 80% of this post before my computer crashed, so I'm going to skip my original introduction and hop right in. A lot of guys right now are struggling with wives who are going crazy having the kids home all the time now. There's no school, no daycare - the daily routine and ability to keep up with housework is changed for the foreseeable future. One of our users recently commented: ""The more I help the more I enable her, however the less I help the more distraught she becomes and the house becomes a place of strife instead of peace."" Heck, I felt that way at one point even before all of this - and my situation is exacerbated by the fact that my wife also balances a part-time job. The **SHORT ANSWER** is obvious: *Do what you want to do; and (1) if that means more strife, part of being a man is learning how to deal with that while maintaining frame - not just the outward appearance of frame, but the internal sense of peace about it.* This is why stoicism is so important. A man **MUST** learn to deal with difficulty in life without being emotionally phased by it. I don't always succeed, but I'm certainly always working to excel at this. *(2) Alternatively, if you want to be a more active dad to your kids, go do that too. Don't get hung up on whether or not she'll feel enabled.* The goal isn't to train her (I tried that route early in my RP days and it doesn't work). It's to be your own man and let her figure out how she's going to respond to that. Apart from that, here are some additional insights my own experiences and observations have given me that may be of value in the conversation. _____ **KIDS** **The Nature of Women** I mentioned [in a previous post](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/fgszzv/whose_game_are_you_winning/) that women suffer from a disease I call ""Next-Thing-itis."" Because the ""next thing"" will always require work and effort to accomplish, another way to word this is that women are always seeking out things that increase stress. That's right: **women chase stress.** Personally, I believe this to be a subconsciously desire-driven positive feedback loop for them: - Women chase after men to help them feel better about the stressors in their lives. - Women chase after stressors to make them feel better about the man in their lives. This is why single women are always so boy-crazy. For them, the ""Next Thing"" is always related to their man: first date, first kiss, getting engaged, getting married. They believe that with increasing measure these things will add security that they'll have a man to help them get through all of life's greatest challenges - whether by physical provision, emotional support, companionship, etc. On the flip, wives are more interested in things outside their man - buying a house, improving the yard, building a playground for the kids, building up that 401K. These things take work to accomplish and it seriously stresses a wife out when she wants them done, but they're not getting done. Often-times she'll let the stress build until she lashes out at her man just to see if he can weather the storm. And suddenly she feels good again, if he does. And what is the easiest, most common focal point of a mother's stress? Kids. They're always on her mind, provide easy and obvious examples, and it's culturally acceptable to talk about. **The Nature of Children** An r/RPChristians user recently commented: > I can handle a tremendous amount of risk and stress while she becomes overwhelmed within a few minutes of waking when the kids argue. In the past I have tried to give her tips on how to better manage the kids but they run all over her and I believe she doesn't want the advice. When I am home their demeanor changes drastically. They are much better behaved kids because I am a stern disciplinarian while my wife is a negotiator. ""Please go wash your hands and come eat lunch. Please, stop hitting your brother and go wash your hands! GO WASH YOUR HANDS! UGHH, WHY DONT YOU EVER LISTEN TO ME!"" My children aren't bad kids, they are simply little sinners who manipulate, backtalk and rebel against mom who gets emotionally drained disciplining her kids. They can smell mom's weakness and exploit it. Sound familiar? It certainly reminds me of the way things used to be in my own household years ago (and yes, it can still creep back periodically). While he puts the primary focus on the discipline issue, he only alludes to what I believe is the more significant issue: **She does not understand the true nature of children (or at least she forgets it in the moment, replacing it with her own expectations).** Don't blame her for doing this with the kids because **you've probably done it with your wife many times through your RP journey**. This causes her to have great difficulty understanding how to interact with them. Consider: - **Just as a man needs to understand the true nature of women to interact properly with them, so also do parents need to understand the true nature of children to interact properly with them.** A friend of mine once commented: *Women go into relationships hoping to change their man; men go in hoping she'll always stay the same; in the end, neither gets what they want.* That's always stuck with me. It illustrates that women are always focused on what **SHOULD** be (at least to them), not what **ACTUALLY IS**. This is part of why they contract ""Next-Thing-itis"" in the first place. They cannot be satisfied with the present - they're always pushing for some ideal in their mind. This is true of their view of kids as well. Now, every wife will say, ""This is absurd. I don't expect my kids to be *perfect*,"" usually with an obviously exaggerated understanding of that word. ""I really just need them to change these few small things. I don't think I'm being unreasonable here."" But as soon as those few small changes are made, they'll move on to the ""Next Thing"" that needs changed, and so on - and they will never be satisfied until their kids actually are as close to perfect as kids ever were. But the reality is that those kids will never be even half of what her mind would take her to if we let the ""Next-Thing-itis"" play out on this. **The true nature of children is that they are children, not adults. They are chaotic, mischievous, loud, manipulative, etc.** We cannot expect children to behave like adults. Sound familiar? Oh yeah: **Just as you can't expect your wife to behave like a man; don't expect your kids to behave like anything other than kids.** You married a woman because you wanted a woman at your side. You had kids because you wanted to raise kids, not because you wanted your wife to squeeze out a 180lb athletic Harvard PhD grad from her vagina. Part of the fun of parenting is *actually parenting.* - **Just as you had to come to your ""red pill awakening"" about the true nature of women, parents need to have their ""red chewable tablet awakening"" about the true nature of children.** Let me be clear: embracing this true nature doesn't mean you stop expecting them to improve. After all, as a parent it's your responsibility to raise your children into responsible adults. But this doesn't happen overnight. You have to accept them *where they are right now* and not place unrealistic expectations over their behavior. **Loving Your Child** Entertain me down this rabbit trail, as I think it's relevant here. The feminist agenda strongly pushes this notion that women love their children more than men do. Consider one of my recent cases and the impact that this mind-frame had on my client's life: The parents have a baby together, they split up, Mom hates Dad (my client) and wants sole custody. She argues: - ""Dad won't use the right nipple size on the bottle, which proves that I love my child more than him, because I pay attention to these things."" The reality is: he was using the pediatrician-recommended size (which we proved) and she was using a smaller size. She explained that it was because the child had acid reflux problems and that he was being unloving to his child by not accounting for this detail in his nipple size selection. The reality is: the child only ever had one week of documented acid reflux problems 7 months before and it never showed up in any monthly checkup notes again. Mom sent literally dozens of e-mails to the Guardian (GAL) and forensic psychologist about this issue, ultimately costing my client nearly $7,000 (not just to me) to research the medical notes, pediatrician and bottle manufacturer recommendation pages, conduct discovery on the issue, reply to numerous phone calls and e-mails, pay the GAL's and psychologist's fees to investigate the issue also, etc. ... all because Mom and the GAL wanted to condemn him for not loving his child enough to pay attention to these details (the forensic psychologist was a man and less concerned). Yes, we won the point. But how absurd is it that a guy has to pay $7,000 just on that one issue alone in order to prove he does actually love his child!? - ""Dad doesn't buckle my child in the car tight enough, which proves that he doesn't love her enough to care about her safety in the car, but I do love her enough to pay attention to these things."" I kid you not: the GAL actually conducted a surprise visit to one of the parenting exchanges, hid in the bushes to watch the child get buckled, then popped out to inspect how tight it was. It was perfectly fine. But doggone it, if mom was right and Dad didn't pay attention to pulling that strap 3.5 inches instead of 3, that could have hurt his case. How petty. He was paying 80% of the GAL's fees to investigate this complaint (because Mom was unemployed when the case started). My original draft had more examples from the same case, but you get the point. What is it? **Women think that because they are more obsessed about details involving their children, they ultimately are better parents than men and love their kids more than men.** Personally, I think this couldn't be farther from the truth. In fact, I take the exact opposite position: **A mama bear's ""protective"" and obsessive attitudes toward her children unnecessarily interferes with their ability to learn, adapt, and grow from life's challenges - and this sacrifice is made only to satisfy the woman's insecurities about her kids.** Men and women alike have been raising children for millennia without nipples gradated in size for age and milk flow, without car seat straps (including after cars were invented), without foam pads to put on the corners of tables, and without hand sanitizer. I'm not saying mothers don't love their children. I'm suggesting that when they become overly detail-oriented, their love becomes tainted by their own insecurities - a trait that doesn't hinder most men from authentically appreciating their child. **Back to the True Nature of Children** Similarly, when a woman gets stressed out because her kids won't behave as she believes they *ought to* behave, she diminishes the authenticity of her relationship with them. This stress often causes her to yell at them, overly discipline them, or otherwise temporarily abandon them (the ""I can't handle them anymore; you deal with them"" approach). In u/OsmiumZulu's latest post ([Most Christians Do Not Love Women](https://www.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/fsv2dn/most_christians_do_not_love_women/)), he gives an appropriate example: > Imagine two men who each claim to love sports cars. One says, ""I love sports cars because they can tow my boat, haul a load of wood, and fit all my dogs in the bed."" The other says, ""I love sports cars because of how fast they go, how quick they accelerate, and they were built to handle a windy road."" Which man actually loves sports cars? I submit that the same concept is true: that a person cannot truly love their child if their operative focus is on what they wish their child was than who their child actually is. This doesn't mean you can't want better for your kids. It does mean that you must set your expectations on their capacity to implement what you teach them at realistic levels in light of their present maturity and the incredible amount of time it takes for a child to understand the world the way an adult does, even on singular points. **You cannot focus on one concept with a child, help them completely master that concept to an adult level, then move on to the next item.** Yet this is what the ""Next-Thing"" approach with kids tries to implement. The reality is that kids will work on 90% of things in their life simultaneously and make maybe 1% improvements every month or two until after 120+ months they're finally reasonably able to apply these concepts at an adult level ... just in time for puberty and hormones to throw it all out of whack again. The ""reasonable"" improvements most mothers want to see in their kids immediately are really things that will likely take several months - possibly even years - for the kids to learn and implement. This is also why I've never been a fan of the ""let's work on <this> with our kids this season"" approach. Having a particular emphasis on a focal point isn't a bad thing, but it's also not an effective strategy if it (even unintentionally) results in the exclusion of other things they need to be working on simultaneously. _____ **HOUSEWORK** The other aspect of a wife's stress is often associated with housework. I don't feel like re-writing what I had on this section, so let me summarize. Most women are stressed about housework because they overstep their bounds seeing the house as primarily theirs. Their husband just lives there. She might let him lead ""the relationship,"" but she gets to run the house. In her mind, that's a woman's prerogative. Contrary to popular opinion even among traditional-valued conservatives, I believe the house is still the man's domain. The fact that he may delegate to his wife certain aspects of its care and then choose not to oversee or micromanage how she does it doesn't in any way diminish the man's authority over the home. But it does give the woman the psychological excuse to usurp his authority in areas where he hasn't actually given it to her. More to the point: this is the core of a woman's stress when it comes to managing the housework. She places more responsibility on herself than is actually on her. In reality, she fell in love with a bachelor who had his own place and managed his own home and dreamed of helping him when she got to move in to **his house/apartment**; not the guy who punts all the responsibility for its upkeep to her - with cognitive dissonance, usually because she makes every subliminal effort to usurp the responsibility she will eventually despise him for letting her take. For more reading on this, I stand by and reaffirm my first two substantive posts on MRP from nearly 3 years ago now: - [The Biological Stepmother](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/6lodnt/the_biological_stepmother/) - delving a bit further into the concept of women being attracted to bachelors, not a husbands - [Dealing with the Stressed Wife](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/6lrt20/dealing_with_the_stressed_wife/) - providing a pragmatic short-term solution to the problem _____ **NOTE:** In all of this, PLEASE do not walk away thinking that it's now your job to teach your wife the true nature of kids so she can have her ""red chewable tablet awakening"" and stop stressing so much. Don't worry so much about her. If she's interested, let her have it. But this post is more about YOU understanding what YOU're working with so YOU can make an informed decision about what YOU want to do with YOUR life in the midst of the present chaos and stresses it brings. To that end, I defer to my ""short answer"" at the very beginning of this post.",,77,Red-Curious,2020-04-03 06:54:54 marriedredpill,ftc02j,RPW Wednesdays - Episode 5: The Wall,"###https://youtu.be/Qu0F_jW7quE Tonight's discussion takes on The Wall and how it applies to women's pluralistic mating strategy. This episode was shaped towards women, but the research articles below are worth reading and the video is evergreen for the entire Red Pill community. Not only do they discuss The Wall and how women can navigate it, but for those with kids they give useful tips and pitfalls to consider with raising your daughters as they enter the Sexual Marketplace. Key questions that were raised... * Were our elders on to something by restricting daughters' sexuality when they come of age by screening boys they can intersect with? * What role do parents and grandparents play in this process? * What pitfalls does social media create? * How can women navigate the sexual marketplace while avoiding getting alpha widowed or being paralyzed by choice due to the advent of dating apps like Tinder? **The Wall:** The hallmarks of fertility are largely responsible for what make makes women physically attractive to men. To wit, looks and fertility are effectively one in the same. The further women move away from their peak fertility years (late teens to early 20s) the less physically attractive women become. Mother Nature is not a feminist. **Strategic Pluralism:** Women's mating strategy has often been referred to as a dualistic strategy (AF vs BB), but it's more nuanced than that. As discussed in the livestream, there's the AF/BB during women's monthly cycle and then there's a macro level application of this across their lives opting for AF during their youth and then settling for BB once they approach the dreaded wall. Ideally women should strive for guys that have a good blend of both dad *and* cad qualities. The best of both worlds if you will. Guys that get this figured out have options galore as they're the total package, so our advice to the ladies is to not delay if you know early on you want to have a family someday. ---- 🔔 Subscribe! ► http://bit.ly/37BPXYY ► Join the Discord community https://discord.gg/x6GtDdG ► Support us on Patreon http://bit.ly/2SMcPiV ► References * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strategic_pluralism * https://www.pdf-archive.com/2015/08/02/haselton-gangestad/haselton-gangestad.pdf * https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/2501/4111342d5d63846b59242502e0dde4fd7602.pdf * http://www.sscnet.ucla.edu/comm/haselton/papers/downloads/Frederick_Haselton_2007_Muscularity_sexy.pdf * https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S109051380700075X?via%3Dihub * https://www.semanticscholar.org/paper/Sex-similarities-and-differences-in-preferences-for-Li-Kenrick/9a5b3f24d1e17cd675cc95d5ebcf6cee8a4b4811 * [Feminism's Terrible Blunder](https://archive.is/XfCXp) * [What is it like to be a hot girl?](https://archive.is/RuBe6) * [43% of women with kids never come back to the workforce](https://archive.is/wip/YDVtj) * The Six 6s of Women's Expectations: 1. https://www.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith/561_the-six-sixes.html 2. https://www.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith/561b_the-six-sixes.html * [Teachman Study](https://socialpathology.blogspot.com/2010/09/sexual-partner-divorce-risk.html) ► The TRP Reading List (in no particular order): Influence - https://amzn.to/389O3Q2 The Game - https://amzn.to/38iQTBS Sperm Wars - https://amzn.to/2I5eOd8 Pre-Suasion - https://amzn.to/2SqSwHt The Red Queen - https://amzn.to/39fTnlB Mystery Method - https://amzn.to/2I7Fry9 Art of Seduction - https://amzn.to/2v9FgiL The Rational Male - https://amzn.to/2H9qdbf 48 Laws of Power - https://amzn.to/2H24Zw5 No More Mr. Nice Guy - https://amzn.to/2H3C9vl Bachelor Pad Economics - https://amzn.to/37oloGS Married Man Sex Life Primer - https://amzn.to/31FKGht",,0,bsutansalt,2020-04-02 00:17:55 marriedredpill,fs977u,"Own Your Shit Weekly - March 31, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,28,AutoModerator,2020-03-31 08:24:25 marriedredpill,fprdkg,60 Days of Dread 2020 - Introduction and Week 1,"Hello Dreadful lads. It's time again for 60 Days of Dread. This year, our posts will focus on *mindset* for our areas of improvement. To the extent that we have original content this year, it will be aimed toward this. For example, our Week 1 post is traditionally on lifting. You can review past years' posts on *how* to lift effectively. What we want to discuss this year is *why* to lift. The obvious answer is ""to get stronger."" There are less obvious answers too. If you lift well and lift consistently you will indeed get stronger. You will look better. You will feel better about yourself. You may even get to the point that you get women throwing IOI's at you. But none of these things are the why, and they should not underpin your mindset. Vanity and hedonism are for the weak-minded, just the siren-song of ego; those things Iisted are benefits, yes, but not reasons. Your mindset for lifting should instead be linked to your identity as a man. You lift because your body is made for it. You lift because it shows commitment to your own well-being. You lift for the clarity of mind and commitment to process that it affords you. You lift to become *a fully actualized man*. So, by all means put yourself on a program. Get as big as you can, I dare you. But when you're grunting out a set and you're just sure you will die when you're through - remember why you're there, and you just may smile through your pain. * * * * For reporting goals and progress this year, put in OYS each week. Include a #60DoD tag so I and other interested readers can find it. Remember that this is your challenge to yourself to improve how you operate. Your mindset for *that* should be to own it fully and execute it as a *promise* to yourself. Those who make outstanding progress (as judged by mods) will again get 60 DoD flair. Recall that prior year posts are on the side bar. If you're new to 60 DoD you should read those. Now get to work.",,51,SorcererKing,2020-03-27 05:27:52 marriedredpill,fo1jko,"Own Your Shit Weekly - March 24, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,19,AutoModerator,2020-03-24 08:24:27 marriedredpill,fnnfja,FR: Teaching a 16yo kid to Lift.,"At the beginning of last summer I asked a 16yo kid named Aaron that lives down the street to mow my grass. Every time he finished, we exchanged a few words – I asked him how he was doing in school – he asked me about my motorcycle in the garage - and he told me a story about how he was saving up to buy one. I wished him luck and gave him a quick piece of advice: “Best decision I ever made was getting a bike at 16. Couldn’t keep the girls off of me.” *“Yeah, Mr. Horns…. I don’t even know how to get a girlfriend.* *That would be so cool.”* In the next few weeks he bought a used bike. I guess he mowed 15-20 yards a week. The next time on early Saturday morning he showed up on time and began mowing. I went to lift in the garage and when he was done we had our usual exchange. Except this time he asked me: “Mr. Horns – do you lift weights a lot?” He was 5’10” – 150lbs. Shaggy hair, loose oversized t-shirts with baggy jeans. We chatted a bit and I told him exactly why I lift weights. He said he *thought* about doing it before but only the athletes at school lifted and he wasn’t really into sports… didn’t really know what to do… and he had gone to Planet Fitness a few times that summer since it was free for students but just kind of messed around. I told him that didn’t matter – and if he wanted someone to show him the basics I’d be happy to. He was enthusiastic. He joined me in the garage gym next week and I showed him Stronglifts and gave him my copy of [Starting Stength](https://www.amazon.com/Starting-Strength-Basic-Barbell-Training/dp/0982522738). At the end of the summer he was talking about how much stronger he felt – how he was going to “get big like The Rock” and other silly things teenagers say. He even let me know he got a girlfriend finally, and I saw him walking down the street with her a few times afterwards. His girlfriend had a nice face, but was chunky and unattractive. She dressed in baggy clothes every time I saw them walking and holding hands around the neighborhood. The rest of that summer and fall he would stop by weekly and would ask me questions about things he was doing lifting, what should he be eating, shit about girls, I just dumped whatever knowledge on him that I knew to give him what he asked for. He kept lifting 4x a week all summer and I started to notice he was getting noob gains. At the end of the summer I showed him PHAT and PHUL programs. Fast forward to last week - a year later. He sent me a text and asked if I still needed him to mow my grass this year. I shot him a text back and let him know that yes, next week would be about right. He said OK, and then asked if he could come lift with me since all the gyms had closed for Coronavirus. I told him 5pm would work. Aaron drove up right on time as expected in a late 90’s mustang that he told me he had saved for a year to buy. What stood in front of me blew my fucking mind. I asked him – “Holy shit. How much weight have you gained, son?” “Oh, Mr. Horns… I don’t know… I guess last summer I was 150lbs before you showed me how to lift weights. I think I weigh about 185 now?” He looked all of it. As we lifted together he updated me on his life since last summer. His last girlfriend dumped him because of some stupid teenager reason. He said he was upset at first but then after about a month he got over it and started dating a lot of other girls at the same time. Then he “picked one” he liked the most and they’ve been together for a few months. We talked about his lifting – and we traded sets on the benchpress of the same weight. He had been going non-stop since last summer and told me that he could never stop lifting the rest of this life. He loved the way it made him feel and he was noticing that other dudes respected him more. He also noticed that he got way more attention from the girls. He thanked me numerous times for showing him the ropes and I just told him that I wished someone had done it for me when I was his age. His dad had started to lift weights with him about 2 months ago because “he is fat and feeling like he was behind”. And then he said something that blew my fucking mind: *“You know, Mr. Horns, it’s like…. I dunno… I used to care about what everyone else thought of me and made me do before.* *Like my ex-girlfriend… when I was with her I wasn’t even like…. being myself.* *I was doing all these things that weren’t me and I was like… a whole different person. But now it’s like I don’t care what they think.”* “Oh. I see, Aaron. Ha! Kind of like…. you don’t give a fuck?” He perked up quick. “*Yeah!* *It’s EXACTLY like that!* ***I just don’t give a fuck*****.**” Then he proudly showed me this bracelet that his new girlfriend had made for him out of some kind of yarn or some shit. On it she had put some beads and letters. “Check this out, Mr. Horns.” It spelled BIG CHAD. I told him that until this Coronavirus stuff blows over he is welcome to come lift with me anytime. Or if I’m not home or busy I’ll open up the garage for him with enough notice. \----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I saw him yesterday walking down the street with his new girlfriend. She’s prettier than the last one. But something was noticeably different. He still had his shaggy hair, but he was wearing a solid form fitting v-neck shirt that showed off his pecs and biceps with athletic cut jeans on. All it took was a kid to start lifting and another man giving him some pointers to figure all this shit out without a sidebar, MRP, TRP or anything. If a 17yo kid can figure out how all of this intersexual-dynamic shit works, so can you. He didn’t know shit, so he just STFU, Lifted, and figured out what worked. He bought a cool car like every teenage boy and *just had fun*. Be like Aaron. *It’s not that fucking hard.* *It wasn’t meant to be hard.* Of course I’m envious of him having figured out what took me 35 years to realize, but I guarantee you that if he asks more questions I’ll give him the truth. And no shit – before I could even finish this post – he just texted me: **“Are you lifting today?”** Of course I am, Big Chad.",,260,HornsOfApathy,2020-03-23 17:01:26 marriedredpill,flvb1n,Don’t use a virus as an excuse,"Hey guy. Yea, the one that makes an excuse for everything. Guy whose wife isn’t responding to your big alpha red pill changes because “she has clinical depression/anxiety”. Guy who can’t seem to shred any fat because of a “slow metabolism” Your gym just closed today because of Coronavirus and you don’t have weights at home. “Man, aw shucks, I guess I can’t lift, since it HAS to be 5x5 since some internet strangers told me to”. You’re stuck working at home because of coronavirus, so you can’t drown your wife in Rambo-style autistic dread. Grow up and stop with the excuses. Maintain your weak gains with body weight exercises instead of sitting on your ass. Pushups, pull-ups at the park, lift your spare tire (not the one around your waist), drive your car to a parking lot and push that bitch. Work on your terrible mobility. Set up that home gym you’ve been putting off. Work on gaming your wife, leading the family during this incredible opportunity you’ve been given to lead them through. Or just continue making excuses, continue being you, and continue getting the shitty results out of life you’ve been getting.",,89,RP_PO,2020-03-20 13:48:00 marriedredpill,flgogf,"I encourage my American friends to be fully stocked, supplied, and able to effectively work from home by Sunday, 3/22, though EOD tomorrow would be ideal.","I imagine the majority here have planned accordingly. Those of you who have not would do well to make the most of your efforts over the next business day. Focus on: * **Lube. More lube. Still more lube. Anal beads. Anal toys. Bananas and cucumbers. Skip the damn toilet paper 'cuz you're so into anal anyway.** * Skittles for MCT. Slightly less important: * Effective work-from-home capabilities (if required). * Sufficient supplies. * Home defense. * Family leadership initiatives. * Routines for each of your family members, particularly your children. Maybe next week will simply be another week. I have learned it likely will not.",,44,johneyapocalypse,2020-03-19 20:01:55 marriedredpill,fkx034,Red Pill Women Wednesday - Episode 3: Respecting The Captain,"Tonight's show is one for the MRP and RPW crowd that I think everyone can benefit from. Tune in at 9pm eastern as Joe and Stephanie discuss respect, submission, and the captain / first mate dynamic. #### https://youtu.be/DP6aCc6C81I &nbsp; If you miss the live stream, you can find the episode using the above link after we air. &nbsp; 🔔 Subscribe now to the official TRP YouTube channel ► http://bit.ly/37BPXYY",,18,bsutansalt,2020-03-18 20:55:43 marriedredpill,fk7zy1,"[FR] My Affair, Her Husband, and Getting Caught","Field Report /fēld rəˈpôrt/ *Noun:* The subjective account of one man’s experience Not a guide, recommendation or moral position Informational, *not* instructional I knew who she was years ago. In her late 20s, a brunette with a body chiseled by marathons. A few visible tattoos betrayed that there were more under her clothes, and her body was exactly my type. I was with mutual friends at a large event, and I thought we locked eyes; I was wrong, she was looking at my buddy’s huge arms (and I wanted to be him). I would often fantasize about her when I was in the shower, but I never spoke to her. I was skinny-fat, frameless and thoroughly BluePilled. Fast forward a few years. I had been lifting, reading and STFUing for long enough to change the way I interact with people, women in particular. I was un-learning my unattractive habits, and my physical appearance had changed. I was having fun outside of my marriage, but I wasn’t actively seeking anything. One week, I volunteered for a program working with kids in the city, and the brunette was there too. I learned that her name was Lucca, she was married with 3 kids at home. She was also 115 pounds of sarcasm and bourbon, so we quickly became friends. I would make logistics for us to be alone together, and soon we were flirting, texting and touching. Because I am a bad man, I watched her little ass as she moved around the classroom, and she found excuses to touch my arms. Lucca knew I went to hot yoga on Tuesday nights, but I was surprised when she joined me one evening. She hugged me after class, while we were both shirtless and sweating. I placed my hand low on her hip, and left it there. I changed venues so we could be alone and get a drink. At the bar, she made excuses for us to touch (“Feel how cold my hands are!”), and I escalated until we were touching non-stop. >""If you think you can kiss a girl, you probably could have kissed her 10 minutes ago.” Mark Manson, *Models* Remember how married women describe kissing Chad? “We were just laughing and having a drink and, I don’t know, it just kind of *happened*?” It's true, because I made it happen, and soon we were making out in my backseat like teenagers. I started seeing Lucca every week, and for a while we were amazing together. No drama, no expectations, no talk of leaving our spouses to run away together. Just lots of sex and genuine friendship, which evolved into a closer attachment. For once, that closeness wasn't ruined by my neediness or supplication. I would hold her close while she melted into my chest, and whisper in her ear: “I’m only here for the sex, not this cuddling bullshit.” She would kiss me with a knowing grin and say “Yeah, me too.” The sex was great, but the intimacy was wonderful. One day, Lucca took a picture of <redacted>. Her husband found the picture, and shit hit the fan. She lied, saying we only fucked one time. The next time I saw Lucca, her eyes were exhausted and puffy from crying. She explained that she couldn’t see me any longer. She had to fix things at home, where her husband was wildly alternating between wanting a divorce and another baby (what?). I wasn’t butthurt, I didn’t ask her to stay, and I wasn’t afraid of her husband contacting my wife. Instead, I told Lucca that I wouldn’t make this any harder than it already was. Her husband made new rules, and changed her logistics to make it impossible for her to see me. Lucca deleted me from all social media, and it was over. … Did you believe me? Just now, when I said it was over. You believed me? Haha, I can’t believe you fucking fell for that. Seriously, that’s like MRP 101. **Of course it wasn’t over**, we just learned to be more careful. We were *caught* over a year ago, and I still see Lucca every week. Sometimes we walk by the water, holding hands and kissing in the park. Sometimes we get stoned and try the new Thai place downtown. But *most* of the time, I fuck her like it was my last day on earth. **Here’s What I Learned:** I’ve been told that extramarital sex will never be as good as you expect, and never as meaningful as it is with a spouse. I’ve been told to expect that the amazing, new sex of an affair will fade quickly. I’ve been told it will be replaced by guilt, once morality catches up. None of those things have been true for me, and I’m still a bit shocked. Lucca only knew me as a Red Pilled man. One who was cocky, not needy, bearded, social, lifting, dominant. **This was my first time starting a ‘relationship’ that was entirely in** ***my*** **frame, and the differences are staggering**. I was dominant from the first time we slept together - ordering her to her knees and rewarding her when she said “Yes SIR!” (she tried so hard to swallow it all, it was adorable). Lucca works hard to keep me - sending me nudes (Snapchat only) and canceling her own plans so she can see me instead. *She acts exactly how a woman should respond to a high value man*, but I never knew how to maintain that before MRP. She didn’t have to overcome my years of beta, because she never knew that guy. >“As you fix one area of your life, the other areas will start clicking into place more easily, to match the more positive energy set… all it takes is one of those factors in a different energy set to come into play and it makes all the other efforts in that set more likely to happen.” > >Athol Kay, *Mindful Attraction Plan* I experience tremendous personal growth when I have an abundance of intimacy/connection/sex in my life. It brings a balance to life that works very, very well for me. What are the signs of a man having an affair? Every Cosmo magazine and female website will tell you the same thing. Lifting, new clothes and upgraded appearance. Confidence, new friends, change in schedule, increased sex drive, new interests and new music. I was already making these (new, permanent) habits because of MRP, so nothing changed when I started seeing other women. When guys ask: “How do I make excuses to get out of the house to see my plate?”, they’re asking the wrong question. There were repercussions for getting caught, including new rules that allow Lucca’s husband to keep track of her. She promised to always answer his phone calls - so she always answers, even when she’s in bed with me. Lucca has a good thing going on at home, and doesn't want to mess that up. Her husband is a good provider and father, he’s tall and has a good job. He is also ‘the emotional one’ in their marriage. He gets drunk and starts fights, becomes defensive and insecure, and points out her failures. She feels like her husband is another child she has to care for. His actions literally drive her to me - she'll go to ""the office"" to get away from him, and I'll be waiting for her in the city. Man, I learned a lot hearing a woman talk about her loving husband while she was naked in my arms. And because of MRP, I wasn't surprised by any of it. Having an affair before I had an established frame would have been a disaster (see also: [Children With Dynamite](https://therationalmale.com/2011/09/22/dream-girls-and-children-with-dynamite/)). It's foolish to think I could have been having affairs as a BP guy (or even back as a newly fledged MRP lurker writing posts like [this one](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6pbuhl/wanted_opsec_tips_for_mrpers_out_there_getting/)). First I had to address my needy habits, sloppy “nice guy” game and an inability to keep secrets (I would have been tempted to reveal my affair during arguments, or when my wife insulted my ability to attract other women). Earlier affairs were ruined before they began by my need for validation. I also had to learn how to generate attraction in the long-term, rather than succumbing to easy, beta habits once I’d grown comfortable with a woman. We learn about game/frame/RP and we think we're ready to go slay some strange, but for a long time my frame was too weak to deal with the fallout of getting caught in an affair. If the thought of getting busted makes you shit your pants, you should probably keep them on. Kino fucking works, DEVI works. I wish I had known years earlier, this is exactly what women want. Take control of the situation, logistics, and the plans for the night. That works because you’ve been attractive and generated more attraction through your actions, which is why it doesn’t work for simps. Be bold. When the time is right, take control of her physical position. Grab her ass and lift her off her feet, push her into the wall. Wrap your arms around her and make her feel small - that shit is the best. In fact, I learned that it’s *my role* to keep escalating, to be the catalyst. I used to try to figure out the “right time” to make a move on a woman. I used to think about what my next step should be in flirting - fuck all that. My objective now is to keep escalating until she says No, or Until her pussy is on my beard, whichever comes first. >Ain't like them guys who wine and dine to keep they women >My bitches only want two things, that's to get high and kick it >-Wiz Khalifa I've never put so little effort into a ""relationship"". There’s no dating with me and Lucca, no gifts, no flowers. The only gifts I’ve given her are the panties and perfume I tell her to wear when she sees me (her husband should have noticed this). I need to clarify here, because I read the stories of so many faggots who turn their plates into new, shitty LTRs. There are no \*I love you'\*s, no compulsive need to talk on the phone, no covert contracts. Me and Lucca have only two rules: >Don't get caught, and >Either of us can walk away at any time That brings me to my biggest lesson: Abundance changes everything. I’m starting to think I won’t go back to having less than 2 sexual partners, ever again, for the rest of my life. I haven’t gotten “hard no”s from my wife in a long time, but do you know what it’s like to watch my (165lb) wife throw an epic shit test, or to imply that she’s holding out sex on *me*? That shit used to hurt so bad, and now it is *fucking hilarious*. The only thing that changes is the size of the nut that I blow onto the next girl’s face. Me and Lucca will be over some day, which is why I’m perpetually lining up more girls like her. **Abundance changes** [**everything**](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/d45plx/lessons_in_abundance_the_blonde_and_the_big_raise/) \- and we can pretend I’m just talking about pussy. Edit: Redacted a couple of details.",,152,BarracudaRP,2020-03-17 16:18:13 marriedredpill,fk1o5h,"Own Your Shit Weekly - March 17, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,14,AutoModerator,2020-03-17 08:24:22 marriedredpill,fhj4mq,"So... you got the ""I love you but I'm not in love with you"" (ILYBINILWY) speech?","Sucks. You got the “**I love you but I’m not in love with you**” speech? Around here we use the acronym ILYBINILWY – because it’s a very, very common thing for women who are unhappy with the men in their lives to tell those men... and it often arrives VERY unexpectedly in your lap and you're thinking ""what the fuck?"" /u/KoolAidMan7980 said it so perfectly: >Most of us who have heard those words instantly think they can save the marriage if they lift more or stfu more or do something else more. That our wife is different or our situation is different. I think its mostly ego trying to shield us from the fact that our situation is no different than the 10,000 guys that have heard it before us. Maybe you even found MRP by googling this term. What does this mean? It doesn’t mean you’re *fucked.* It means your woman *is.* ***Your woman is fucking someone else.*** And if by the grace of a unicorn-woman-God and the power of leprechauns in the sky she *isn't* fucking someone else *right now...* it doesn't matter. **Your relationship is already over.** **Look dude, I know. It sucks. I actually am giving you an internet bro-hug right now...** **I really am**. I wish I was lying to you, or had a better outlook, or something positive to tell you – but I don’t. I’m just going to straight up tell you the truth. That's what you really want, right? Your wife is 95% fucking someone else, 5% thinking about fucking someone else, and 100% has someone that she is wanting to fuck other than you. There have been thousands of men JUST LIKE YOU who got the SAME SPEECH. You are not a special snowflake. You are no different than those other men. In EVERY. SINGLE. EXAMPLE.... it was the same outcome. How do I know this? When your woman gives you this speech it usually means that all of her feelings for you have not only been drained, but she is also actively seeking to get feelings from someone else. Women run their lives off of getting feelings fulfilled (good or bad) and you just aren’t cutting it for her anymore because she found a better participant (95% of the time) or prospect (100% of the time) to fulfill her feelz needs. You just don't do it for her anymore *like another man has.* For that last 10 years I’ve been listening to men tell me their stories of how they got the ILYBINILWY speech from their wives. Because guess what dude? **I got one too.** Yep. You’re looking at him. Even this guy here *right here* once got the ILYBINILWY speech a very long time ago in another life with a different woman. Would you like to hear my story? # My Story: I don’t talk about this often here – *because it doesn’t fucking matter* – but when I was much much younger, I knocked up a 19yo girl and married her. My alpha quickly wore off and the beta faggot underneath emerged as expected. She lost tons of respect for me, and over the course of a few years I had the ILYBINILWY speech a couple of times. Each time in my gut I suspected something was going on, but could never prove it. I lied to myself every time. I let my ego protect me from the fact that I *knew something was off.* At one point I exposed or thought I had found an EA. But she doubled down it wasn't that - sort of apologized - not really - we stayed together. This just got her better at hiding it. On Father's Day she sat me down and gave me the ILYBINILWY speech (again). 6 months or so later, I got a phone call from Chad. I was getting ready to sign over 50% of my salary for 10 years and 100% of my assets that morning. He called me and said, ""*Dude, you don't know me, and we're never going to be friends... but I've been fucking your wife for a year. And I know of at least 3 other guys she has been fucking too. I know you're going to sign paperwork today. Don't do it, bro.*"" He handed over all the proof I needed. Even Chad had some bro-honor that day and refused to let another man go down in flames - no matter how pathetic I was. **I never once suspected a physical affair**, even though I had the exact same red flags as you. I fucking SWORE 100% she would never do it. She cried anytime I brought it up. Or accused me of being paranoid. Or accused me of cheating. Tons of [gaslighting](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting). I begged her just to fucking TELL me she was cheating so it would make sense in my head. Instead, my years of beta worrying and behavior made her better at hiding it. So yeah - I've been there. **And I am not projecting on you.** I have seen this hundreds of fucking times at MRP and even lived it myself. We're just men here sharing notes. You can take it or leave it. # What to do? When a faggot arrives here at MRP, I internally debate this every time this situation comes up and he asks for advice or tells his story. Presume he reads this post in all scenarios we tell him to get a divorce. * OP sidebars. Gets a divorce at the beginning. Retains time, sanity and may become less of a faggot. * OP doesn't sidebar. Gets a divorce at the beginning. Retains time, sanity and is probably still a faggot. Will repeat past. * OP doesn't sidebar, waits until Chad fucks her. Lost time, sanity and is still a faggot. Might divorce her. * OP sidebars. Divorces her anyways later, but loses time and sanity. **The only thing that matters in these scenarios is sidebar.** So I’m writing this post to tell you this: *Dude, I just want to give you your time back and tell you to sidebar no matter what.* Bottom line: I think time is a man's most valuable asset. I think in the cases of betrayal such as infidelity, my observations are that the male ego prevents 99/100 men from internalizing it was their fault. This is why I struggle with the advice here. I've been in your shoes. And I burned it all to the fucking ground (eventually when I found out) like most men do. Do I give the advice for the guy to bail now knowing he'll never get it (right now) and save him time? He'll still get the suffering and heartache. Or do I just say, ""*Yeah dude, sucks. Hang in there, waste your time, you still won't get it.. but hit the sidebar*"" Truth is I can tell you all day that your woman is fucking someone else, but you won't believe me. **So, rather than just TELL you what’s going to happen and has happened before you, I’m going to show you, Neo.** Just this morning I searched all of MRP and ASKMRP for the term “ILYBINILWY” and I’ve put ALL the stories here that I could find with a quick and cursory search. # This is what ILYBINILWY looks like: /u/aita2899 \- [Wife being nice during separation?](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/czjeio/wife_being_nice_during_separation/) – got ILYBINILWY, she moved in with affair partner after [knowing him 11 days](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/ehc1t1/moving_out_during_a_divorce/fcj0z18/). Fate: She divorces him. /u/themerovingian01 – [What’s next?](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/bhfitb/whats_next/) – got ILYBINILWY, wife wanted “space” and [moved out](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/e8wfqv/filing_for_divorce_and_the_no_contact_rule/). He discovered she fucked another guy, did not take her back. Fate: He divorces her. /u/processedfoodkills – [A little more every day](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/36kfnn/a_little_more_every_day/) – got ILYBINILWY, two months later wife has “gone out with her friends to watch a movie at their apartment” DRESSED UP while she is ovulating. Later he finds her email open and [conversations with another man](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/39ukjs/finally_have_proof_of_the_truth/cs88xxb/?context=3) and finally had proof. She slept there multiple times. Fate: He divorces her. /u/mikeMRP – […looking for Feedback](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/7obfer/new_to_forum_looking_for_feedback_on_my_situation/) – got ILYBINILWY, right after she had a weekend “away at a festival”, stalked the guy after, he snooped around and found out - confronted her and sex dried up. He posted for a few months at MRP then disappeared. Fate: Unknown. /u/RecoveringBPAddict – [Passed 1st Major Shit test](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/4xk4gt/passed_1st_major_shit_test/) – 18 years married, high earning beta bucks. Wife suddenly moves out saying ILYBINILWY. Then moves back in later when branch fails. Last we saw he was being re-deployed in the military but right before, wife suddenly suggests trying anal and [“was proud that she could”](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/61bf5b/fr_it_actually_happened/) on the *first try*. Fate: Stays married. /u/fruitylad – [Thanks MRP](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/ersfcn/thanks_mrpaskmrp_you_fixed_a_man_and_a_marriage/ff5skpy/) – got ILYBINILWY, then things were getting better and his wife even wanted anal sex for the “first time”… and then 5 months later he discovers [she’s had an affair](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/ajdelx/discovered_wife_has_had_an_affair_have_kids_she/) the entire time. Fate: He divorces her. /u/Diesel_Dragon – [Wife approaching the wall and wants freedom…](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/ew0svu/wife_is_approaching_the_wall_and_wants_freedom_to/) \- got ILYBINILWY, She said “I know we have had this conversation before but I don't feel like kissing other people is really considered cheating.” Six months later, he is on vacation with his wife where she magically can have anal sex for the very first time effortlessly, but then [sticks her tongue down another guys throat](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/fd85b7/getting_divorced_whats_the_best_approach_at_this/fjftykw/) in the same bar as her husband. Fate: He divorces her. Edit: [Post-divorce update](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/fhj4mq/so_you_got_the_i_love_you_but_im_not_in_love_with/fkc6v9d?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x) /u/stay_plan_is_go_plan – [How to tell if this is a divorce shit-test](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/fg3go6/how_to_tell_if_this_is_a_divorce_shittest_long/) – got ILYBINILWY and hasn’t had sex for a year. Her sister got divorced 18 months ago, and she would spend hours every day “supporting her sister” then suddenly his wife starting having a [“midlife crisis” ](https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/ejoi0k/looking_for_advice_on_how_to_recover_from_an/). He sticks his head in the sand believing that if she’s not fucking him she is not fucking someone else. Fate: TBD. /u/BootySlayer911 – [Wife suddenly left him](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/fcrmjb/own_your_shit_weekly_march_03_2020/fjd7cr9/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x) – got ILYBINILWY, wife [unexpectedly filed for divorce.](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/fcrmjb/own_your_shit_weekly_march_03_2020/fje5f0c?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x) /u/keepingittogether20 – [His OYS #2](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/eyn0ea/own_your_shit_weekly_february_04_2020/fgiczzf?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x) – got ILYBINILWY, wife moved into the other master bedroom and asked for divorce. Has not had sex since. He attempts to hide from everyone at MRP that an affair did not go on – but reveals eventually it was [just an “emotional affair”](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/f976kf/own_your_shit_weekly_february_25_2020/fircnvw?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x) with a coworker. We get him to dig deeper and he reveals it was actually kissing, holding hands, and another man grabbing her tits. As far as he knows. Fate: [She moved out 9/15 to ""find herself""](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/it4kfb/own_your_shit_weekly_september_15_2020/g5cfvw4/?context=3) /u/purpuhtr8or – [His OYS #1](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/fcrmjb/own_your_shit_weekly_march_03_2020/fjd5qau/?context=8&depth=9) – got ILYBINILWY after gaining 50lbs, didn’t have sex for years, then averaged 3x year for 4 years. Fate: TBD. ***Edit - Update: 3/31/20*** /u/elgath3 \- [His OYS #1](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/fs977u/own_your_shit_weekly_march_31_2020/fm1ud7a?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x) \- got ILYBINILWY after giving everything up for his woman he met in college, ending a 6 year relationship where she cheated. /u/AlohaMaui808 \- [Wife cuts off sex 11 months ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/eprp86/help_me_find_my_blind_spots/) \- got ILYBINILWY, requested to be added as an example. Finds MRP after a year in a deadbedroom. Makes great progress but then finds evidence wife cheated. Doesn't tell her. Fate: [He divorces her.](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/fs977u/own_your_shit_weekly_march_31_2020/fm03cm6/?context=3) /u/Westernhagen \- [requested to be added](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/fhj4mq/so_you_got_the_i_love_you_but_im_not_in_love_with/fkew471/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x) as another ILYBINILWY example. She cheated. Fate: He divorced her. ***Edit: Update 4/17/20 & 1/19/2021*** /u/DrBeaufort \- [His OYS #1](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/g11qmx/own_your_shit_weekly_april_14_2020/fnq2g7v?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x) \- 9 years ago his wife ""kissed another guy"" and almost left him. Has spent last 3 years being beta, recently got ILYBINILWY speech and wife expressed interest in being a lesbian. Continued to DEER she was just depressed, but after discovering some new hidden sex toys - the [sex toys went to work](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/g5beus/own_your_shit_weekly_april_21_2020/fo4t8rs?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x) with her after the Coronavirus quarantine lift. He admits she has been cheating. Fate: After 6 months, [Agrees to be a Cuckold](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/l0fpkl/own_your_shit_weekly_january_19_2021/gjtkwsv?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3), but later changes his mind. Divorcing. ***Edit: Update 7/16/20*** u/ragnar_114 \- [His Victim Puke](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/gyur4m/whats_a_man_to_do_victim_puke/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=usertext&utm_name=marriedredpill&utm_content=t1_fv36ql4) \- got ILYBINILWY speech, spidey senses went off, snooped her phone and found she has been cheating. She claimed it was only once. He gets depressed, she does it again. [Shares his story](https://reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/h9ztj7/own_your_shit_weekly_june_16_2020/fv36ql4/) with his neighbor, finds out his wife cheated on him too after ILYBINILWY. Fate: Divorced u/friendofthedevil84 \- [His OYS #1](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/gqt3ed/own_your_shit_weekly_may_26_2020/frw4lty/) \- Got ILYBINILWY in July, by October found out she was having an affair with her 50 year old trainer since June, a bartender, and others. Confronted, she now wants to stay married. He is currently still fat. Fate: TBD ***Edit: Update 11/18/20*** u/AwokenNow \- [His OYS#4](https://www.removeddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/hv3omy/own_your_shit_weekly_july_21_2020/fyr3p1p/?context=3) \- Came to MRP four months previous under different username, everyone told him he was getting cheated on by his Virgin Wife. He denied. Found evidence of physical affair. Been in a sexless marriage for 18 years. Got ILYBINILWY 10 years ago, didn't recognize what it was at the time. Deleted out because he was stuck and angry. Fate: [Planning Divorce](https://www.removeddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/jvpb60/_/gclkzuj/) ***Edit: Update 3/8/2021*** /u/Glorious_Walrus999 \- [His OYS#1](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/ig7yei/own_your_shit_weekly_august_25_2020/g3eo5er?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Found MRP and this post by googling the term ""ILYBINILWY"" after getting the speech. 6'2 and 289lbs he became a fat lard over 11 year marriage and [saw these red flags](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/ikgdvy/own_your_shit_weekly_september_01_2020/g3mwvkh?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3). 15 months of dead bedroom. Fate: Watching his progress, he is planning divorce. Edit: Went absolute Rambo. He deleted his /u/, nuked his previous cuckhold life and wife, moved out of state, and took a new job to restart his life. Complete Rambo within 6 months. ***Edit: Update 9/15/20*** /u/KodiakFan24 \- His OYS #1 - 5'11, 243lbs, alcoholic, and in July got the ""ILYBINILWY"" speech. No touching, sex off the table since then, living together but ""separated in her mind"". Will watch progress. ***Edit: Update 6/15/2021*** /u/FreeBeginnings \- His [OYS #1](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/o09gcm/own_your_shit_weekly_june_15_2021/h1u6r9e?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- 5'10, 234lbs, got ILYBINILWY 10 years ago. 4-5 years into the marriageshe cheated for 3-4 years. Caught. Caught cheating again with a voice recorder in 2019-2020 with same person she cheated with before. Fate: Divorcing. **Random other examples outside of MRP:** * [Found out about her cheating, before that I got he ILYBINILWY talk.](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/fqnnb7/seems_it_doesnt_end/) * [Wife gave me ILYBINILWY but I don't believe she's cheating on me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/3icdsk/wife_28f_gave_me_33m_the_ilybinilwy/) Part 2 - [Wife is Cheating afterall.](https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce/comments/3j341z/wife_is_cheating_how_to_get_custody/) * [ILYBINILWY after 1 year of marriage but she isn't cheating.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/xk67f/wife_has_just_left_me_1_year_after_getting/) \- Update: [Always Trust your instincts](https://www.reddit.com/r/BreakUps/comments/zjsko/final_post_always_trust_your_instincts/) * [ILYBINILWY, asked for no further sex, secretly meeting with another man](https://www.reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/comments/4fn324/i_love_you_but_im_not_in_love_with_you/) * [Blindsided by ILYBINILWY after 6 years - oops she's had affairs for 5 years with 10+ men.](https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce/comments/ew87c3/blindsided_and_how_to_cope/) * [LTR gives him ILYBINILWY after 4 years.](https://www.reddit.com/r/BreakUps/comments/dmir04/ldr_almost_4_years_together_2_weeks_since_she/) Update: [6 days later she's in bed with another man.](https://www.reddit.com/r/BreakUps/comments/dpccbe/after_almost_4_years_ldr_together_plans_to_get/) I know it sucks, brother. Really, I know what it’s like. But I know you probably won’t believe any of this and your ego will think your situation is different. That’s OK. Keep posting here. Keep grinding. Keep sharing your story. I’ll edit this post and add you to the list someday so that you can become one of the other notes we share with men here in this place. But deep down - in the part of you that is most painful and scariest to confront - you know the truth. You do. Stop hiding from it. Strength, motherfuckers",,273,HornsOfApathy,2020-03-12 16:34:24 marriedredpill,fgzs07,"Coming March 25, 2020: 60DoD 2020",Prepare yourselves for process change and transformation.,,31,SorcererKing,2020-03-11 16:23:02 marriedredpill,fgszzv,Whose game are you winning?,"How many of you like it when you work your butt off and your wife responds by initiating sex that night? Now, let's be honest: how man of you had that experience early in your path of improvement, but sooner than you were expecting to see such results? ""This RP stuff really works!"" you're probably quick to conclude. After all, you've been married for over a decade and it's only been a month or two and you're already seeing her respond. ""She must be in my frame because I'm getting what I want."" In reality, there's a good chance you haven't made any actual progress *with her* at all. Sure, you've made progress on your lifts. You've improved your attitude. You're being more productive. But at this point, it's far more likely that you're just finally reaping the benefits of her frame. _____ **HER FRAME** Women aren't nearly as complicated as the world would have you believe. For one example, they all suffer from a disease I call ""Next-Thing-itis."" They won't be happy until they get that ""thing"" they really want. And once they have it, they're not happy and can't possibly be until the ""next thing"" gets done - and then the next, and the next, and the next. I have never met a woman who didn't have this innate compulsion. - **A woman's frame is ultimately defined by whatever that thing is and what it takes to get it. If you are not that thing, she's not in your frame.** Is she begging for more of you ... or for you to fix the leaky pipe, or buy her that outfit she really wants, or to go on the vacation she's been dreaming about? Now, let me be clear about one more thing. That ""next thing"" she wants might be you-oriented. She might want you thinner, better groomed, nicer dressed, handier around the house, more responsible with chores, etc. In this situation, YOU are not her ""thing."" *What you can do for her* is her ""thing."" This is what we mean when we say that women love *opportunistically*. A note on this: often-times, the reason she wants you to be more attractive is not so that she will desire you more, but so she doesn't feel so embarrassed showing you off to her friends. After all, you're not just ""unattractive right now"" - you ARE unattractive to her. Period. She doesn't expect her attraction to you to change because her hamster refuses to admit she's currently that shallow. If you getting more fit, nicer dressed, better groomed, etc. actually made her more attracted to you, then that means she's shallow for not being attracted to you without those things. We can't have that. So, instead she tells you she might be more attracted to you if you make those changes, hoping to use that as a sexual lure for you (that she likely won't actually fulfill), yet she's really only concerned with her own public appearances and not being embarrassed to show you in public, branding her as the girl who married the slob who calls himself a man. _____ **YOU IN HER FRAME** Many men spend many years of marriage living to satisfy that ""next thing"" for her. This is the epitome of being in her frame. She may call you the ""head of the household"" as verbal homage to an ideological concept, but the reality is that she's the one setting the course one ""thing"" at a time, and you're her work-mule helping her get it done. Now, maybe you're not all that interested in getting it done. Some guys get that far on their own. But they also find her responsive attitude enough of an annoyance that they try not to trigger her, so they'll do the minimum to appease her so they can get back to video games and football. She's still controlling your decisions/actions, so you're still in her frame. _____ **HER ATTITUDE** Now, if you've ever been that second guy, you know how it always turns out: she wants you to help her get that next ""thing,"" and she's not getting it, so she uses her nagging attitude as her primary method of getting you off your butt and onto her goals. Or maybe it comes in the form of whining and complaining. Or perhaps she acts depressed and sad, crying all the time. One way or another ... - **A woman's primary tool for getting you to do what she wants is her attitude - an external display of emotion meant to show disapproval of your present state.** In psychological terms, this is what's called ""negative reinforcement."" This is the primary mode women operate on. After she gives you enough attitude, maybe you do start making some changes. You finally hit the gym - not because you want to take care of yourself, but because she keeps making you feel ashamed for what you look like. You start doing things around the house not because you want a working toilet, but because you want her to shut up about it. Her attitude has worked. She gets what she wants from you, and she didn't have to whore herself out with sex to do it. After all, she's a woman and women are too pure to use sex to get what they want ... if they don't have to ;) _____ **YOUR REWARD** Now, in the above case, virtually every woman knows when her man is just placating her. It's usually a longstanding enough pattern that it's obvious things will return to normal. Sometimes it's just assumed. Even if he does make certain permanent improvements to his life, she doesn't believe it will last. But at some point she might recognize some authentic changes. You recently discovered RP and decided it was time to take ownership of your household, build a body you can be proud of, and flaunt the sexy confidence you're finally learning to toy around with. She FINALLY gets a better husband, so ... - **A woman will use sex as a reward to good little boys who start showing real initiative to finally become the man she has been trying to get them to be all along. In psychological terms, we call this ""positive reinforcement."" Notice the frame issue here, though? A guy will think at this phase, ""This RP stuff is working. She's totally in my frame because I'm finally getting the sex from her that I want."" The thing is: she knew all along that you wanted to have sex with her. She just didn't want to have sex with you. And she still doesn't, much. But she does want to encourage you in your good behavior - as long as it continues in a direction that she approves. At this point, she wants to define what she believes will make you attractive; you don't get to be your own man. My wife used to try this positive reinforcement overtly back in my slobbish days: ""How about for every 5lbs you lose, we'll try a new position?"" In reality, even with significant weight loss, we not only tried a grand total of 0 new positions during that time - we also went months without any sex at all. She didn't live up to her end of the bargain, and I don't think she ever actually intended to (she only told herself she did). Now, there's absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying the reward she throws your way, if and when it actually comes. I once won a prize for a contest I didn't even know I was entered into. ""I'm not playing your game, but I'll take your prize"" is a perfectly appropriate attitude. But the fact that I get the prize doesn't mean they're playing my game. I just happened to be winning their game, whether I intended to or not. With your wife, this is not actual progress. _____ **DON'T WIN HER GAME** If you let her behaviors (attitude, sexuality) define your progress toward your own goals, how can you know if you're ever making progress? Seeing less attitude and getting more sex are, after all, among your goals. But you're still dependent on her for validation of your progress. Now, it seems like it might be possible to accomplish your goals by being REALLY good at playing by *her* rules, right? Wrong. Because as soon as you accomplish one goal - you lose all that weight, for example - she's off to the ""next thing."" The rewards stop, even though the weight is gone, because you still dress poorly, for which she starts giving you attitude again. Then you dress better, the rewards come back, but after a short while they stop because you don't do enough to help around the house. And so on. Besides, you're no longer the ""fat guy who got in shape"" ... you're just the ""in shape"" guy. The effect of the change is gone. This is why the black pill doesn't pan out. You could be the most physically attractive guy in the world, but at some point (usually earlier than you'd think) her ""next thing"" is going to be something other than your physical appearance, and eventually you'll be right back on the track of trying to appease her and her never being satisfied. I know countless men - especially through my divorce law practice - who are extremely fit and attractive, yet who complain about their wives not being sexually interested. It's frustrating, no doubt, but true. _____ **YOUR GAME GENERATES FEELS** What I see, once actual progress is made with getting her on board with your mission and seeing the world the way you see it, is that she's no longer interested in the ""next thing."" Sure, that underlying desire is still there, but she's not as ravenously blood-thirsty over it as she used to be. Before, you told her ""no"" and she threatened divorce. Now she accepts it and moves on. More recently, (honey, you still reading these? eh, who cares) my wife was trying to pressure me to do all kinds of projects in our yard, wanting to buy a piano, etc., and I had no concern telling her no. Result? Instead of a bad attitude for not meeting her expectations (as used to be the case), she surprises me in bed by wearing lingerie and wanting to experiment with multiples. That never would have happened in what I would have called the ""early gains"" days. Those ""early gains"" were really just winning by her rules. But now I'm playing my own game and she finds my game more fun than her own. - **Your frame generates feels; feels generate sex.** What is your game? (1) Your mission is the thing that will make you say ""I won the game"" when you've accomplished it. (2) Your frame includes the rules of your game, how man players are involved, the size and shape of the arena, whether you play with a ball, puck, broom, picture frame, clock, or whatever else. (3) Your vision is the strategy you utilize to win the game. You get the idea. Does she see the same ""win"" you do when the mission is accomplished? Does she understand the rules of the game? Does she play by your strategy or develop her own? Does she run the plays autonomously (as intelligent players do), or expect you to have to announce every single footstep you want her to take as she goes down the field? _____ **FEELS GENERATE SEX** All girls are mildly histrionic. They thrive on feelings, which are generated by the attention (or lack thereof) that they get. When their feels aren't being satisfied, they act out to get attention to generate new feelings. Even negative feelings are better than no feelings at all. They know their own game inside and out to such a degree that it doesn't generate feelings anymore. That's why they have ""Next-Thing-itis"" - because the feelings the THINK the next thing will give them doesn't actually give it to them. It can, but it doesn't, because they've been getting one thing after another that it's just a dry loop anymore. Cue your mission. Your game. You presumably don't have ""Next-Thing-itis"" like her. You have a singular target so far out of reach that it's going to take a lifetime to accomplish what you're building. It's risky. There will be ups and downs. At first, she just wants to watch from the sideline. The ways to accomplish your goals are totally different from the ways she would accomplish hers and she doesn't know what to do with that. But even as a spectator, she starts to get as invested in watching you as you are in watching your favorite sports team in a championship game. Then, eventually, she actually hops onto the court and starts playing your game with you. You get to play coach and quarterback, and you tell her which position to play and at what times you need her to play them, and she's just excited to be on the field at all - something she never would have done if you hadn't invited her out to play in the first place. There are a lot of negative feelings associated with this - fear, anxiety, uncertainty, etc. And all of those feelings fuel her. But there are also lots of positive feelings: curiosity, excitement, passion, rejoicing at new milestones, etc. These exist in a way she doesn't know how to generate herself. When she starts feeling things she hasn't felt in a while, she doesn't know what to do with it. Sometimes she'll do a happy dance around the house. Other times, she'll just start smiling more. Still other times, she'll express it through additional productivity. But another way women express deep emotion is through their sexuality. You can take it from there.",,120,Red-Curious,2020-03-11 06:48:49 marriedredpill,fgakvg,"Own Your Shit Weekly - March 10, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,13,AutoModerator,2020-03-10 08:24:22 marriedredpill,feeq65,Communication and signals,"**The MRP model of communication and signals** First, let us look at what we signal with our communication, divided into categories that are relevant to sexual strategy: **Trivial signals**: This is all the mundane topics - what happened at work, planning the next vacation destination. It can be small or big, you and your wife can have aligned goals or you can be at odds. It is trivial in the sense that it doesn’t have much relevance to sexual strategy. Note that a given interchange can be about something trivial and have elements of sexual strategy like she is also shit testing you. To make things clear, we separate them out - part of the interchange is trivial, another part is sexual strategy. I’m not going to consider trivial signals in the rest of the post. **Alpha signals**: This is communication that signals alpha. Confident body language, passing shit tests, cocky remarks, etc. This increases attraction, which has obvious benefits. **Domination signals**: This is making her do what you want and enforcing boundaries. Being dominant can have elements of signalling alpha, but there are two important differences: First, this stuff matters to you: life is better when she makes you sandwiches, deepthroats you, and doesn’t fuck other men. Second, with high SMV you can be dominant and she’ll comply and it signals alpha, while low SMV men are ignored and only signal their weakness by trying to be dominant. **Good beta signals**: This is stuff that signals beta but doesn’t hurt your alpha. It is passing comfort tests without coming off as weak and supplicant, or sending signals similar to that. Women have a dual sexual strategy and especially in the context of an LTR, they do need beta - giving too little will make her freak out from lack of comfort. As a side note, a lot of good beta signalling can be done actually doing shit - fixing stuff in the house, taking care of the kids, making money. **Blue signals**: This is what we at MRP consider the bad signals, where you signal lack of alpha, weakness, supplication, insecurity, fear, sadness, unconditional loyalty, self sacrifice. *Imagine that the signals are the rows in a table.* &nbsp; Now let us look at how we choose to communicate (and I don’t mean you necessarily choose rationally, you can have very little conscious say in the matter). You get an idea, how do you communicate it? **STFU**: You say nothing. **Habit**: You just say something out of habit, it’s what you always say. “No, you don’t look fat in that”. **Emotional**: You communicate mainly based on emotion. Maybe you’re scared of her reaction so you can’t help but say what you think will calm her down, maybe you’re angry and say something you don’t really believe, etc. **Tactical**: You say not what is on your mind, but something that you believe will manipulate her to your advantage. **Honest and open**: You just say what is on your mind. *These are the columns in the table.* &nbsp; So all your ideas come tumbling down from the top, and depending on your emotional state, level of self control, ideological beliefs about communication, sexual strategy insights, it goes down one of the columns and ends up in a given row. Most people aren’t aware of the signals distinction that we use, so they communicate based on the columns. Their emotions guide them, or their belief or personal preference for honesty, or their desire to manipulate. Here at MRP, we teach guys about the signals and tell them to look ahead in the table, see what signal row you’ll end up in and choose your communication based on that instead. New guys, we tell them Blue Signals, choose STFU. Domination, choose STFU (stop nagging her for sex, you don’t have the SMV to back it up). Alpha signals, be honest or tactical (fake it till you make it). As they get their SMV up and their wives become more submissive, they can choose to be open and honest with their domination signals. And once they get to the endgame and they settle into their masculine identity, most of their ideas fall in line, most of their impulses go into open and honest column and ends up in the good signal rows naturally and they don’t even get the idea to say blue shit very often. &nbsp; **Does communication work?** When people talk about if communication works, they rarely mean in the broad sense of “everything is communication”. They usually mean honest and open communication. Does honest and open communication work? The MRP position is that good relationships are based on signalling alpha and good beta, not signalling blue (or at least very little), and being dominant once your SMV is up. We should all be convinced in how well this works. To the extent that your honest and open communication results in those signals, sure communication works. In [Communication Doesn't Work....or Maybe...](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/fawj6j/communication_doesnt_workor_maybe/) u/Blarg_Risen outlines his thoughts on communication, which go quite a bit further than sticking to MRP signals. There's a lot of good, really red stuff in the post, and that's a big part of the problem. With that much red, and from a guy who obviously has his shit together and a good relationship, it's easy to miss that some of it might not be red. It's not uncommon on MRP or TRP to see alphas who have an easy time with women think that everything they do improves their relationship (leadership and wealth being two common traits that often gets mistaken for something that turn women on). In this case, it's communication, where Blarg outlines his thoughts on how MRP doesn't understand communication and is afraid to try honest communication. When someone comes along and says MRP is wrong and gets a 97% upvote rate, we have to examine it further. Is MRP wrong? If MRP is wrong and that there is intrinsic value and benefit in communication, regardless of what it signals, there has to be value in blue signals. Does anyone really believe that? Is signalling low alpha somehow good? If that's not the case, where does the benefit come from? Trivial signals? If you’re saying that honest and open communication is good, but only to the extent that you’re signalling alpha, good beta and domination, you’re saying the exact same thing as MRP. There’s nothing new here. If there is an MRP end goal, it is to build a masculine identity where that is the case. Let’s take a very alpha guy, 90% of the time his honest communications signals alpha, domination and good beta, the other 10% he signals blue. Can he get away with that, and have a wife who is attracted to him? Sure. Is it optimal? No. Is it good advice to signal blue 10% of the time? No. It’s like a shredded guy eating ice cream, sure he can get away with it because the rest of his diet and lifting is good enough, but it isn’t optimal and not something you’d recommend outside of letting people relax a bit to stay sane. And I agree with relaxing a bit, especially once your SMV is up. I don’t believe you should constantly be keeping score of your alpha points: enjoy the leeway you get from having a huge surplus of alpha. The simple truth is this: when she thinks her man is hot, and she knows that he doesn't tolerate too much lip from her - he can say some stupid shit, and she'll nod her head and go along with it anyway. And I can't overlook how Blarg points out that if she doesn't agree with him, they'll just part ways. But there’s a fucking big difference between saying that you can relax a bit once you’re alpha, and saying that honest and open communication is good in itself. So does open and honest communication work? To the extent that you signal red, sure - what matters is what you signal. Does it matter much of it is honest? Not really. Is honest communication that signals blue good? No. &nbsp; **The dangers of an believing that open and honest communication is good** Humans are terrible at self evaluation. How we see the world is greatly influenced by emotion, beliefs, ego protection, cognitive dissonance and many other biases. Anyone who hasn’t read up on the extreme degree our biases muddle or thinking should do so, right now. Get Kahneman’s Thinking, Fast and Slow. We can combat our biases, and regarding communication we do so by looking at what we signal. If we don’t, we very easily get caught up in the traps of thinking that whatever we want and feel is good. I’ve written about this before, how our desire to explain our vision early is usually a mistake ([""Do you like my dissected boobs?](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/c87gt3/do_you_like_my_dissected_boobs/)) or how many men think their beta desires are something women respect them for ([Most men's masculine ideal is not alpha](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/5yejxu/most_mens_masculine_ideal_is_not_alpha/)). In the recent post on the merits of communication, it even went so far as to praise having the courage to be vulnerable by communicating weakness. Just no. Women don’t think you’re hot because you have the balls to share your fears and sorrows with her. It's not ballsy, it's just sharing weakness. This is exactly the sort of cognitive dissonance you fall into when you begin believing that “communication is good”, you twist reality to fit your beliefs instead of thinking critically. Nothing indicates that communication is good. It is about the signals. You want to signal alpha, good beta and domination, and you want to avoid signalling blue. You should stay away from any idea that removes you from that understanding and makes you uncritically pour your heart out with open and honest communication, without being aware of what you're signalling. &nbsp; **The other coin of communication - listening to her** The standard MRP position here is to have your own vision and follow it. Don’t listen to your wife, respond with A&A or STFU to her requests and criticisms (with regards to your personality and your relationship - we’re not talking about her asking you to lift a heavy box or planning your vacation). There are good reasons not to listen what she says, some of the issues are: Lack of introspection: People very often have poor introspection. They are often not aware of what they want, and especially common is lacking the ability to predict future enjoyment. As an obvious example, take how women react to the red pill (typically disgust that we’re learning how to cheat them) yet once her man actually alphas up, he’s suddenly so fucking hot and she can’t believe she has a man like that at home. Timidity, resistance to change, laziness, inability to delay gratification: People refrain from doing smart things all the time. They’re scared trying something new, they’re too lazy to go to the gym, they really want to eat another serving of dessert. Yet I don’t think anyone would disagree that enjoying what life has to offer and being fit and healthy is way better long term. But they'll hamster their shortsighted desires to no end. Tactical communication: People say shit to manipulate the other person into doing what they want. Maybe they don’t want to argue, so they say what the other person wants to hear. Maybe they’re afraid of the consequences of saying no. Shit testing: The main reason for not listening is shit testing (or compliance testing). Women have a dual sexual strategy and one way this manifests itself is to compliance test men, often with something very unreasonable - if the man complies, she gets him to service her and she knows he’s a beta she shouldn’t fuck, if he passes the shit test she’s learned he’s a fuckable alpha. It’s a brilliant strategy. When you go down the “communication is a two way street” route, you have to take a different stance. You have to trust and respect what the other person says - if you think you're mostly hearing bias, justification, manipulation and shit tests, you're not listening. And trusting and respecting what someone says, that's a very weak position to take. You're suddenly easily vulnerable to manipulation and deception, or even just taking an honest mistake they make and running with it because you ""hear what she's saying"". In the post on the merits of communication, it was described (correctly) how competent women can be in their lives. This was major premise for the whole idea. If they’re not competent, why respect what they want? But competency is not relevant. Someone competent can still be manipulative and tactical in their communication. In fact, the more someone has achieved, the more likely they are to be very adept at making people do what they want. This holds doubly true in a relationship since women shit test. Women are not solely interested in a cooperative effort with honest communication to maximize relationship quality - for them to enjoy a relationship they have to feel their man is alpha, and they do this by shit testing which by its nature is bullshit and deceptive. You’re supposed to disregard it. Believing in communication before you’re very alpha and she’s very submissive is disastrous. You absolutely have to pass shit tests and not listen to her initially. Once she submits, this behavior largely subsides. But shit tests still happen from time to time. You have to be ready for this and respond correctly. Even vets, if they fail a shit test by taking her seriously, it can spiral out of control. Women probe for frame weaknesses and if they find one, they’ll keep hammering on that flaw, harder and harder, insisting that you understand and respect this feeling she has, and the more you do the less alpha you signal. You put yourself in a weak and exploitable position by believing in the merits of communication. Maybe there’s some level of alphaness where women stop shit testing at all, but I doubt it. And if there is, it is not a place you got to by communicating, it was something you achieved with high alpha and dominance. The degree to which she is on board and being cooperative is entirely based on high alpha and dominance where she submits and accepts your vision. From that position of position, and to the degree that she submits, sure, communication can be productive and mutually beneficial. u/HornsOfApathy has great posts about the level he has taken this to with their very intimate D/s relationship, and while most vets haven’t gone so far many of us enjoy that the shit testing is rare and our wives communicate honestly most of the time. But this is an *effect* of her submitting, and that happened because we were dominant instead of listening back when she was still shit testing and challenging us regularly. &nbsp; **Observations on relationships with varying degrees of communication** If we look at bad relationships, where the man is low alpha and has communicated his needs and feelings very openly, this never works. Seeking the help of a marriage counsellor that helps them communicate better, again, it doesn't work. When such a man limits his communication to signalling what MRP suggests, we see massive improvements in attraction and relationship quality. The path to relationship happiness certainly isn’t through honest and open communication. If we look at the high end, we have dominant men with submissive wives. Some of them praise communication. Some of them don’t. Take a guy like /u/red-sfpplus. Does anyone believe that if he settled down, his steady girl wouldn’t be crazy about him and super submissive even if he didn’t communicate with and listen to her? There are other vets here who are alpha, married and don’t place much value on communication. Are they doing well or not? I’ve had periods at high SMV where I didn’t listen to or respect my wife at all, and it worked just fine. Take the vets who communicate with and respect their wives. Let’s take away the communication except for the MRP suggested signalling. Does anyone really believe their alpha wouldn’t carry their relationship on its own? That their wives would stop submitting because they stopped? Let’s take one of the communicating vets, and his wife suggests something he doesn’t like - and he goes along with it. What is the probability that she won’t ask for a bit more next time? And where does that spiral end? Does it stop before he either puts his foot down, or she loses respect? Does communication and respect work outside of a dominant frame, without a “my way or the highway” principle? No matter how I look at it, I can’t see communication outside of MRP style signalling being productive - it is irrelevant, counterproductive or an indulgence (and there’s nothing wrong with being indulgent, all else being equal). &nbsp; **Conclusion** For a lot us, communication is great. We love to talk, to be heard, to be understood, to explain things, to be agreed with, to have our vision shared. MRP has identified the problems that arise from this desire when it signals blue - as it can easily end up doing. Luckily, many men are able to settle into a masculine identity where they are very red - naturally alpha and dominant, with some good beta sprinkled in. That’s who many of us are, and to the extent we are, communicate all of that freely without inhibition. And heck, with enough frame whatever blue shit comes out once in a while, don’t sweat it, you got the SMV buffer to handle it. Those that aren’t so lucky, if there’s too much blue in you and not enough alpha, exercise some self control, stick to MRP style signalling. This is drastically different than saying “MRP doesn’t give enough credit to communication, there is great value in communicating honestly and openly, and your wife is competent and will work for the relationship”. Let’s go back and look at the communications/signals table - MRP has no problem with anything that ends up signalling domination (provided sufficient SMV), alpha or good beta. It is only the blue signals we don’t want. Are honestly communicated blue signals really beneficial? I don’t believe that, and I’m not sure Blarg believes it either. I don’t think Blarg is blue, on the contrary I believe he is alpha and dominant enough that his wife is submissive, which is why they can communicate. His understanding of the role communication plays is just flawed, but he has lots of other shit going for him so it all works just fine anyway. Most of the vets are there, with wives who have submitted, who work to provide value for her man and her family, who communicate properly most of the time. It’s a natural consequence of the man being alpha and dominant, it’s exactly what the classic MRP first mate metaphor is. If you contrast [Communication Doesn't Work....or Maybe...](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/fawj6j/communication_doesnt_workor_maybe/) with u/HornsOfApathy's writing, there’s a clear difference. Horns obviously values their communication, the deep connection they have, their shared vision and their mutual respect. But Horns doesn’t highlight his ideas as different than MRP’s, and he clearly understands that all of it is possible because it originates in a D/s dynamic. It’s his dominance and her submission that lets them connect this way, not the other way around. I'm not even sure he communicates anything but alpha, domination and good beta, which is exactly what MRP suggests. I completely understand the desire for communication and connection, and the satisfaction that can come from indulging it, but it has to happen in the context of the MPR understanding of what you’re signalling. For the true alpha, this is not important because he doesn't signal blue, but some guys are more blue and really need to understand the distinction, and what I find especially unfortunate is that “honest and open communication” is almost an ideology that many were raised with, making it very easy to be led astray. Another unfortunate concept I've seen thrown around is that this thing with communication and connection is the next level of MRP, some transcendent state. It is not. Maxing dominance and alpha is. If we want to give guys solid advice, that's what we need to tell them. If guys want that deep intimate connection and their wives aren't meeting them, 99% of the time they need more alpha and dominance (and that doesn't mean aggressive or oppressive - true dominance is calm, confident, assertive), not better communication. And guys who don't want communication, they're not falling short of the final stage of MRP. Some guys are the independent type, or they're assholes. They're not lesser not, they're not worse at romantic relationships. The fact is, guys who lean blue have always looked at assholes and wondered why women put up with it. The simple truth is, all this communicating and listening, it's just not that important. Signalling alpha is.",,56,Sepean,2020-03-06 15:06:58 marriedredpill,fcrmjb,"Own Your Shit Weekly - March 03, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,18,AutoModerator,2020-03-03 08:24:22 marriedredpill,fawj6j,Communication Doesn't Work....or Maybe...,"What follows is an idea I've shared with few but I think MRP needs to hear. It goes full circle back to the very first lesson we learned when we got here. And I wouldn't be surprised if it ruffled some feathers. But I am confident and prepared to stand behind this message. For those that are new, this is a big summary of the entire journey, and will arm you with many sticks of dynamite. Use at your own risk. For those more experienced, I would advise start at Part 2. &nbsp; **Part 1: Your wife the black box** So let's start somewhere at the beginning of your journey. Where you went and watched Keanu Reeves in the matrix. And learned that the ideas and things you had been taught and created yourself in your head up to this point may not be exactly the way life really goes. And you look back at your life and see that the ideas that you had that led you to the point you were before you found MRP came from mental models you developed from your parents, from your babysitters, from your school, and all the leaders you seemed to look to naturally as you grew up. And you seem to have just carried that expectation of someone else being in charge (up on that pedestal) to the woman you married. &nbsp; All these false expectations, like a Disney fairytale marriage, unlimited possibilities, morality, and friendly faces all around you you now realize were just ideas put into your head to control your behavior, guide your decisions, and then make you act in the best interests of society when you got older. And as a parent (if you have kids) I'm sure you have seen and rationalized the necessity of these tools in order to keep a growing mind on track. Hoping that one day your child will also be able to see the light like you have and breakout of those mental models. &nbsp; Now you tell me the difference between the sexes where women, too, do not undergo this same type of behavioral and societal control while they're growing up. Show me where they would not likely come to the same place as you were where the mental models of how they should act and run their lives are all delusions based on what they were told and promised growing up. IE: **Women are stuck in their own matrix** &nbsp; But you've been at this awhile. You've been grinding. Making yourself better. Getting new perspectives from new books on life, how to act, how to deal with situations, your emotions, and others. You've ""unplugged"" from that matrix. I bet if you were to compare what you are and know now to what you were and knew before MRP you would be astonished at the change. And you would also have to be pretty thankful for having been exposed to these thoughts and books and ideas. Because no matter how sure you thought you had your life before...you kept running into a wall between what you were, and how you wanted your life to be. And that's what drove you to find MRP, and unplug from the matrix. &nbsp; The matrix is the draft working model you have in your head about what life is, what happens in it, and what you do and feel about that. And this working model changes over time. Some time in your life you went from being a baby to being a kid. And another time you went from being a kid to being a teen. And then again you went from being a teen to being an adult. But if I ask you when the day was you thought you switched from one category to the other...I bet your couldn't identify it. It just kind of...happened over time. But these areas of your life are clearly defined due to you having to adopt wider and broader mindsets in order to get through them successfully. &nbsp; Now I argue that you have reached a point where you have expanded yourself from what you used to be before MRP, to what you are now after MRP. And I ask you with all the growth that you've made with the resources you had, all the books on the sidebar, all the notes we share around here, all the feedback you get...how is it you expect your wife to make growth in the same leaps and bounds without those resources? IE: **Your wife has not received the same help and guidance you have to build herself a working mental model in adulthood and marriage** &nbsp; We talk about leadership and leading our wives and the 1000ft rope often here in MRP. We try to address problems in our marriage using things we learned like agree and amplify, negative inquiry, and dread. We employ these things in response to things our wives do and in response to their following (due to our leading) or their not following (due to the 1000ft rope). But when I look at these behaviors and MRP, and notes from many of the more popular books and mantras, we seem to build our actions and reactions as if our wives are just a black box of unknowable emotions and ideas that have concrete, non-flexible structure. I've mentioned this a few times in my posts but if you're not familiar with what a black box is in technology terms...a black box is a piece of software, system, or something where you get to put inputs in, and observe reactions that come out, but you are not privy to anything that goes on within that box. &nbsp; A lot of MRP describes the wife as run purely by feels and evolutionary drives. Almost as if there is no pilot at the wheel in her head. (Sound familiar captain?) As if she is a black box that you merely put actions into and look at results. And I dont know about your wife...but mine...mine has gone through life and proven that she has someone at the wheel. She went to college, got a nursing degree, has a stable job, attempts to parent our kids, juggle schedules, and occasionally has fun. We talk about serious topics. I see her try to follow my lead. And that's a really important part. &nbsp; We see women out on the street or pursuing their career or sport or attending a business meeting and it shocks us to learn that they actually have a full fledged life, baggage, emotion, and drive to their lives. They absolutely have the ability to follow a lead, but they also have the ability to make decisions too. &nbsp; Do you think your wife has someone behind the wheel making decisions in her head? Have you seen your wife try to follow your lead? When little things pop up like she's talking angrily at you and the kids and you tell her you dont approve of her talking to the kids like that and want her to talk a different way. Does she? So then I ask you how and why we seem to treat them from MRP as black boxes, if we know they are actually someone with a life, passions, and reasons (albeit possibly misguided) for their actions. IE: **Your wife is not a black box, you can see and inquire about the inner workings** &nbsp; **Part 2: Feelings and Actions** But a lot of what MRP teaches when they say that you cannot change her, so just worry about you, is to almost to take a hands off approach to addressing her issues. It's kind of like ""she is what she is and does what she does...so I'll handle me and my guidance will simply be my actions."" And so we believe that the change we cause is based on action. And I believe that in our action, we are speaking volumes, but we're really not saying much. I believe in our actions we're still secretly hoping to affect change in all the layers of her emotional paradigm. This emotional paradigm I believe consists of four levels and draws from base emotions all the way in the hind brain to social and societal ways to deal with those emotions. And I believe both men and women deal with very similar levels of this paradigm: &nbsp; Level 1) THAT we feel: This is a base, natural driven thing. I've been in more scenarios than I can count where something makes me feel (angry, upset, happy, bitter, whatever) and I cannot change that feeling within me. Or I've seen my wife wake up angry, or upset, or happy and when I ask why she's feeling that way she replies ""I dont know, I just do"". Sometimes I'm having a bad day and have no idea why, but I know I'm feeling it, and I cannot change it. It's almost like that set of initial conditions that you cannot affect, that life (or your brain) gives you. ""This is your problem/emotion. Deal with it."" &nbsp; Level 2) What we THINK about those feelings: We build mental models in order to deal with those feelings. We shield ourselves from them. We spin them into beliefs of what they mean or what we think we can believe in concerning how or why we think this way. We explain them away. Or we ""ignore"" them...ignore meaning don't allow ourselves to feel them, but bottle them up instead. Or, contrarily, we let the problems affect us internally. We swim in those problems in our head. &nbsp; Level 3) What we DO about those feelings: This, as opposed to 2, is more action oriented. When we are angry we strike out in action. When we are afraid we recoil in fear. When we are attracted we open ourselves and get close. This is actually taking the step to do an action oriented response to deal with the problem/emotion. It's communicating that we're moved...but not exactly why, or what to do about it. It's basically screaming to the world ""I AM FEELING SOMETHING"", but not what or why. &nbsp; Level 4) How we COMMUNICATE those feelings: This is more along the lines of communication. Not acting the feelings out, but expressing them openly and honestly, or openly but dishonestly. IE, ""I have a problem and I want you to know it"" vs. ""I have a problem and you should do something about it."" It's hoping that by letting the problem be known and offering it up in it's entirety, that the world will help take care of it, rather than having you bare the burden yourself. &nbsp; These 4 are listed in order of increasingly being open about the problem. In 1 we keep it totally to ourselves. It just is. In 2 we decide to tackle it within ourselves using our thoughts. In 3 we outwardly express the RESULT (action) of the problem. In 4 we outwardly communicate the feelings themselves. 1 is least vulnerable. 4 is most vulnerable. &nbsp; MRP seems to handle the first three. They get you to explore yourself and realize that yes you do feel emotions. They give you framework to think about what those emotions mean within yourself. And they give you ways to show the world via your actions that you are feeling. And after you get deep on the dread ladder, MRP even suggests some of 4, the ""I have a problem and if you know what's good for you, you'll fix it"". But MRP almost shuns open and honest communication of a problem. And I think that's because deep down, MRP is afraid of the potential for rejection of that problem when it's laid bare. The point being: **We are speaking volumes through our actions, but not really saying anything.** &nbsp; So I want you to consider for a second...and this is going to go against every fiber of what you've learned so far, but if what I've said is true, that women have their own matrix, that they have not received the guidance to improve like we have, that they aren't a black box and thus can learn about this guidance (and we can learn about them), but also that if we simply rely on our actions to speak for our intent...that the message becomes clouded...i think you have to conclude that a measure of what I call Open and Honest communication is necessary for a relationship. And i know what you're thinking....that this goes against everything that we've said here at MRP so far. And I'm with you in experience that I've had conversations with my wife about what I need and they've gone unanswered. I think it's very nuanced with what you need to say, how you need to say it, and when you need to say it. &nbsp; For instance I've had several conversations to my wife about how I need physical affection. Not just sex, but holding hands, hugging, cuddling, kissing, touching, that kind of thing. I've said that very openly to her and gotten no change in behavior. And this is what draws us to the conclusion that talking doesnt work. But I also have to say that in any instance that you try to change someone's mind about a behavior, and they're not ready or dont have the mental structures in place to receive that change, that that change is going to be met with inaction or resistance. Think about red-knighting for example. If you do this with GUYS who arent ready to hear what you have to say, then they too will not change and may even resist you, and change. Why would your wife be any different? &nbsp; How then does someone become ready to hear that change? There's two ways. The first is the way we're born with and operate on for most of our life. I believe that our internal mental models are so ingrained in us, that we don't really make an effort to change them until we run into the harsh reality that they don't work. It's the reality you felt when you had to look for MRP. It's why when you constantly enable your wife and her life is fine and dandy while you desire change, why she doesn't change. And yes it's why if your wife doesn't think there's a possibility that you'll leave her, that she wont change either. Being ready to receive change happens only when we choose to search for change. And that's why I'm sharing all this with many of you, because I believe your gut feeling is searching for this change. &nbsp; The second way is a learned experience. And I've said this several times in my posts as well. The second way is one can receive change through open and honest communication when they come to learn that the mental models that they have in life can be WRONG. Before this, back before MRP, back to your rebellious teens, even back to your childhood where you believed you knew how to act. In all those times the thought wouldn't even cross your mind that you could be wrong. That there could be other ways. But once you come to the conclusion that you have the ability to be wrong about your ways...only then will you be ready to hear and accept change through the suggestion alone that change may be needed. **The things we do say to inflict change, our audience needs to be ready to hear.** &nbsp; So I want to take a second to discuss what I think the key aspects of open and honest communication are. Because this gets to some piece of the feeling I had, and the feeling it seems you may have, with leaving something on the table. I think what I felt I left on the table was the ability to just talk to someone in a way where, just like I learned in MRP when flirting with women to be open to rejection, to not let it affect you, to feel like you are a prize...open and honest communication is taking those feelings you have within you that make you you, that your ego is constantly trying to protect, and handing them to whoever youre talking to and going ""Here's who I am. Here's what I want. Do what you will."" &nbsp; It's literally like taking your heart and handing it to your wife and allowing her to either smash it, or acknowledge it. Her choice. And then being okay with her choice. Not okay as in you accept whatever she chooses to do with your true self you handed her, but okay that she GETS to choose what to do with it. It's being confident enough that you put yourself out there as a self contained unit and you allow the world to affect you. It's being okay that they have that choice. &nbsp; I've read a lot of posts around where people are talking about how they've read about the stoics. How they no longer let life impact them. They are a rock. And I feel like that's an easy trap to fall into when trying to be stoic. Being stoic doesnt mean walling yourself up so much that you dont let life affect you. It's being vulnerable enough to let life to impact you full force, feel the resulting emotions you're programmed to feel biologically, and then having a mental model in place so that you are still in control and can deal with life despite those emotions. I don't want to not feel. I want to feel everything, and then be able to handle it. So I'm sure you've seen a few times in my posts: **Open and honest communication is being able to give and receive what you think and feel, and what others think and feel, freely.** &nbsp; **Part 3: Communication Doesn't work...or...we just weren't ready for the answer.** So then the big question is why does MRP explain that open and honest communication is not the way to what you want? That's it's negotiating desire. That we crave a natural born desire for value from our wives. I think this craving for natural born desire drives at the heart of the problem. &nbsp; Recall back to the start of your relationship, where you met someone and formed an opinion of them based solely on looks, and maybe a few words. And she did the same to you. Back when this happened each of you had in your heads this ideal person whom you were seeking. This person embodies many interesting and unique characteristics. And since you knew so little about this person (or they you), what they did to fill in the rest was idealize the best possible scenario for all those unknown attributes. After the first date, and the second, and the third, where you were excited to learn all these new and interesting things about this person, there was still a lot of draw and mystery to them. I mean you have their entire lives that they've lived so far to figure out. &nbsp; But as the weeks turn into months turn into years, you start filling in all those mysterious parts you didn't know with the facts of who they truly are. And some of those facts fit who you wanted them to be, and some did not (and the same happened to her of the mystery that was you). And at some point we marry and settle into a workable pattern of roles given our jobs, hobbies, kids, sleep needs, sexual needs, etc. And then we look back and remember the rush we had when we first met and that potential. Or we look at other couples either in person or showing their best sides online, or we watch a Disney movie where a couple meet and are living in that moment where the mystery is still there. And we, again now as a third person observer, fill in everything we don't know about the dynamics of that couple's relationship with the best possible scenario of how their relationship could be. &nbsp It's called observer bias...and we do it on Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat all the time. You only get to see the best of times and thoughts people have posted to their Facebook. So we (in our own heads) extrapolate that that must be their lives all the time. Fun, sun, excitement, and family. But that's not the case. &nbsp; I ask you then why it's so easy to accept when we come to MRP that the Disney fairytale BS we've been fed our whole lives isn't true...which, if you think about it was never FED to us...but WE made it up because WE filled in the blanks with our ideal thoughts of the relationship they would have in the future (all the story said was ""happily ever after""...we invented what that meant)...why can we accept that as truth, but not the idea that: **Natural desire is merely an idealized version we project onto the mystery that is someone else.** &nbsp; So what about all the talk of evolutionary born desire? What about the feeling that emotional inner workings of women can be exploited to produce natural desire if we don't tell them about the sauce? Because ""Don't talk about fight club"" has always been a saying here. And I argue two things: &nbsp; 1) That the natural born desire that can be brought back out within our spouses is based on you changing enough of yourself that that mystery she saw in you in the beginning begins to show again. That she asks herself ""who am I married to? I thought I had them figured out. But now I don't know."" And that mystery comes in part because we act in accordance with #3 on the emotional paradigm I mentioned earlier: Actions without clear messages. She sees this and knows we're saying something...but not what. And that uncertainty breeds mystery. &nbsp; 2) That I would wager most of the more experienced guys on this forum's wives at some point have found MRP and seen the sauce. That through time and effort, action and communication, enough has been revealed that their wives understand that there is a drive out there for us guys to find our true selves and make the best of our lives...and that actually is a good model to follow (hence, also, the existence of the MRP wives subreddits). &nbsp; So I believe that there can still be scenarios where if we really wanted to, we men could live lives where the women in them still run on this natural born desire that derives from the mystery of the unknown you create and maintain. You could do this either from continuously keeping one women in the dark about who you are, or you could, over time, keep multiple women in the dark by switching whenever things started to get too familiar (playing the field). And you know what? Depending on who you are and what you want...those methods may just fit into exactly what you need, what you're capable of, what you want out of a relationship, etc. And I definitely see the allure of breeding such a feeling in a relationship. Everyone is different and has different needs. But I feel like that feeling specifically negates the ability to actually bond truly with someone...BECAUSE of the fact that you always have to distance yourself from them. &nbsp; For me, honestly, I really think in my head there's an idea that there exists some form of magical raw love/desire. But I sat down and talked the idea out with someone not too long ago. And they asked me what specifically I defined as love, and how my wife could go about bringing that feeling out. And it felt almost ridiculous and childish explaining it...my idea of love was that my wife intuitively knew what to do and what made me feel loved, and acted to bring out those feelings in me, WITHOUT me having to explicitly tell her what she needs to do. In other words: **We feel genuine desire is the drive and ability to read our minds and respond to our needs, without us having to communicate them.** &nsp; And I think, again, that the above clearly accents that our resistance to having to communicate our needs is a buffer because we are AFRAID to communicate our needs, in the belief that it reduces that ""magical"" natural desire of getting them fulfilled without communication, AND because we are afraid they could be rejected. And much of the time they will be rejected because those who we tell them to are not ready or able to change themselves. That is a slow, methodical process that we work with them on. That's what marriage is. That's her following your lead. But getting her to a point where open and honest communication is possible, while it does necessitate a killing in some form of the magical mysterious natural desire, puts in it's place a CHOSEN desire...the decision for your wife to understand what you want and CHOOSE to fulfill it. Which, in my mind, I'm quite alright with. Negotiation is settling and unwanted compliance. But chosen desire is a different beast. &nbsp; This has been a lot of information. I'm sure you don't necessarily agree with it. Especially because I came out of left field when you've been marching along to the MRP beat for some time now. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with what we've been taught. What I am saying though is if we put a small twist on it, we may find that we feel just as content when our wives DO understand our needs and CHOOSE to fulfill them, rather than us playing games trying to get them to ""naturally"" fulfill them. I'm gonna drop the hammer here. See the thing about my marriage now is: I use communication on a daily basis and it is one of the most important aspects of my marriage. Which on the surface seems extremely blue pill. But with all that I've said before, the piece that makes the communication blue pill is that communication is covert, it's guarded, it comes with expectation that is not given in the over communication. Communication as we understood and used it before was simply one big covert contract because ""I want"" meant ""I expect"", and was always covertly followed by ""and if you don't."" We would assume that we communicated our idea and it would be acted on as if simply stating something meant others had to consider and act on it. As if our communication set an expectation that through some unseen force had to be met...just because we are who we are...we are special. But then we would contradict our own uniqueness in our head. We would almost instantly devise the scenario of what we would do if that need or want that was communicated was not met, how we would react down the road as punishment or reward for following our communication. &nbsp; What communication in my marriage is however is a direct line to and from my vision. And that direction is given freely, with the option to be followed or ignored freely Is this a mode you want to operate in? As I said, it's your choice. And I'm communicating my thoughts to you openly and honestly and allowing you to make that choice yourself. I could have mysteriously pointed you in that direction through coded messages and suggestions in your OYS. Or I can just come out and say it because I think you're in a place to accept it. &nbsp; Thinking of other people as potentially working from a place where they value different things than I do gives a whole new perspective to the intersocial and intergender dynamics I learned through my MRP experience. And that doesn't negate much of what I've learned so far either. It's just looking at it a different way. At the end of the day, you wife still may choose to either not listen, or not follow. And at the end of the day you may have to take the path of divorce or an affair to find what it is you need in your life. But I think we're all trying to make sure that we've done everything we can do before we give up. And I think for me, that feeling of leaving something on the table, again, included the ability to just communicate what I'm feeling with no strings attached, and have those feelings heard and acknowledged.",,96,[deleted],2020-02-28 15:40:56 marriedredpill,fagoab,"Same game, different devils","Go fuck yourself, Mr. I do not go to the gym. Mr. I do not get sex. Mr. my wife is a bitch. Go fuck yourself, Mr. I have a 1400# total. Mr. I get so much sex my dick gets raw. Mr. we are running out of public bathrooms to fuck in, just for fun. Go fuck yourself. Every single one of you including myself. You have problems. Your wife doesn’t pay attention to you and doesn’t care if you live or die. You have tons of debt. You are a blue pill faggot. You get duty sex. Aww. Poor faggot baby. I have problems. I was a bachelor for nearly 2 years. I have a maid who cleans my house, I do my own laundry and have a dry cleaner. I do not need her or you to pay any of my bills. I have lawn guys, pool guys and a variety of restaurants I like to eat at who do a good job of keeping me fat and chubby. I have my shit on lock down, and guess what? That is the worst fucking dread there is, even unmanageable at times. Aww poor fucking alpha Chad. My gal says things like: There are no girl things for me to do around the house. She doesn’t like that. How can she validate herself to me without doing girl stuff that doesn’t include sex? Your girl bitches you don’t do anything manly. She doesn’t like that. Why cant you validate yourself as a man to her by doing some faggot shit? The net result is we both have women who are at times, unhappy and need validation. But mine sucks my dick because she knows her value. You, have no value thus your woman treats you like shit. I live my life as if I am alone. Because I am. My girl is nothing more than an accessory that I really, really enjoy having around and even love from time to time. I enjoy her so much I choose to be just with her, when I know I could spin plates EASILY. I provide more value to her, than she or any other woman ever could to me. And that is OK. It is OK because she is cool, and not a bitch. Those are her values to me. Her vagina? Its nothing more than an accessory to the accessory. A tool I have trained to do what I want, when I want. Her personality? That is the hard part. That is her programming from childhood, and that is what you must understand. That is something, not so easily modified. Do you understand? Because I did not. I did not understand exactly how immaterial every single hole is on a woman's body really is when I started this journey. The one that matters the most? Her mouth. Why? Because of how much bullshit is coming out of it. The ratio of bullshit to sex is the golden ratio. Not your Adonis cut, or your fucking chest to ass. Who the fuck cares? **~~Bullshit to sex ratio.~~** You fucking understand? Let me try again: **Bullshit to QUALITY of sex ratio.** Now do you fucking understand maggot? That said: I fucking suck at and hate comfort tests. ""You know, if we broke up I know you would be with another woman the next day."" What the fuck am I supposed to say to that? ""Yes"" Lets give that a try I think to myself, because fuck that is the truth if I choose so. Guess what homo, that doesn’t work. That causes tears and frowns. So now, I just give a kiss on the forehead. Guess what? No tears, no frowns and I still validate her point and her existence in my life. Why cant this woman just accept the fact that by me allowing her to be in my life at all, should be all the validation she needs that she provides value? Why do I have to fucking say it or show it via emotions? Cause she is a chick you dumb fuck. Why is it that I can I do stupid shit, learn and STFU about it? Do you see me going to askMRP every fucking week and asking dumb fucking questions? ""Hello my fellow faggot friends, my girl wants to know that if I break up with her, if I will fuck other women. I respond with yes, and that makes her sad. What should I do?"" ""Hey dumb fuck, how about you STFU and read a fucking sidebar book?"" Do I go and post this shit? No motherfucker. I am to busy stubbing my fat fucking toe, getting high, having butt sex and lifting to come here and ask other dumb fucks what I am doing wrong. I also don’t worry about the small pot holes in the road. Am I on the right fucking road is all I need to fucking know. My biggest fuck up to date in my LTR? Getting tricked into talking about my sexual past. Do not, ever fucking do this. EVER. They do not want to know that they are not the only woman you have pissed on and nearly choked to death. I am a fucking idiot, just like you, playing the same game you are, just on a different fucking level. *Same game different levels, same hell different devils.*",,65,red-sfpplus,2020-02-27 18:41:38 marriedredpill,f976kf,"Own Your Shit Weekly - February 25, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,23,AutoModerator,2020-02-25 08:24:21 marriedredpill,f70l7g,Your woman's most wonderful gift: The Epic Test.,"I wrote the something nearly a year ago in [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/c2l5dt/your_woman_is_one_of_your_greatest_creations/), and lately I’ve been thinking about it more as I see men struggle in the intermediate stages of MRP. As I read through OYS for the last few weeks I see lots of men that have been “stuck” in MRP for some time and not making progress. Years even. I think it is because you have not recognized the largest shit test that is MRP and changed your mental models to pass it. Passing this shit test is not a combination of STFU, AA, AM, DNGAF, or Fogging. It can’t be learned from WISNIFG. **It comes from reading and INTERNALIZING the sidebar** and as a result living and breathing the simple act of becoming your own [mental point of origin](https://therationalmale.com/2014/11/14/mental-point-of-origin/). Rollo did a pretty good job of describing what this is, but I also think there is another final step to getting the kind of relationship that *some* men here desire. This is what I wrote: >For those struggling with validation… Not a single time did I get encouragement from her. Not a single bit of praise. Not a mention of anything that would resemble a wife who is proud of or to be with her husband. Not a single comment on my physique, style, new haircut, sexual position, or attitude. Nothing. > >And I still haven’t heard her say a nice thing once about any of my changes. **This is the marathon, epic shit test.** If there was an Ironman for shit testing, this would be it. This is your woman’s ultimate test of congruence. Are you as awesome as you really believe you are? As you say you are? Are you as great as your AA and AM responses claim you are? Or is it entirely still bullshit? Only you know. No one here can tell you the answer to that question. But if you’re still stuck… you’re probably still full of shit. # Your Ego, it shall not pass: That is the underlying theme I keep finding here in OYS. /u/RstonePT answered one of the most fundamental questions at a talk once: **What is the most common problem that men at MRP have** **when they arrive?**. . Ego. [Your fucking ego.™](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NvBLPsymo_E&feature=youtu.be&t=3121) Until you admit that you’ve been full of shit and full of yourself, you will never pass this shit test. It’s just not possible. It’s only after you break your then known self into rubble that you will be able to rebuild a man that *you are proud of*. **There is a reason you** [**came to MRP**](http://archive.is/bAidd)**, and it certainly wasn’t that you were proud of the man you are.** > You don't end up here because your life is going great... specifically because you feel like your marriage is not working in some capacity to varying degrees of extreme. We all came here because deep down, in the place that hurts the most, where you are most vulnerable and will not let even your own thoughts go – that place is an awful place to be. It hurts there. It’s painful to visit. It is a place that we tell ourselves lies in order to avoid. It’s a place that we *fear.* Let’s presume for the rest of this post you’ve managed to destroy that *first* ego. What then? # Then you must let go of another layer of EGO, again: Fuck, does this ego thing ever end? Short answer - no. Never. As you lift, sidebar, read, STFU, learn how to pass shit tests, fuck your wife fairly well, and get random IOI’s from beautiful women other than *your* woman… **your woman still** ***appears*** **clueless** to your changes. You continue to build resentment against her for not seeing your changes. This is simply ANOTHER layer of ego that you must shed: you are the dreaded [dancing monkey](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/74yepr/the_dancing_monkey_attraction_improvement/). As a dancing monkey you will never get to your own mental point of origin – by definition a monkey is doing it for someone else, not himself. So what to do here? Your woman isn’t going to appear to notice any of your changes anyways, so why do you even care what she does or thinks? Oh, I know why. Because you’ve spent more time inside of her head instead of the sidebar. Back to class, young man. You’ll likely build resentment overtime for her lack of approval which is a step in the process most men go through. This is all part of her masterful plan and beautiful test to get you to your own mental point of origin. # The Final Step: If your journey is anything like mine, it was full of what I now recognize as nonsense. I heard things like: I liked you better when you were fatter. I don’t like muscular men. I wish you wouldn’t spend as much time in the gym. You can cheat a little tonight on desert. You’re selfish. You don’t think about anything but yourself EVER or the kids anymore. On and on and on. We all recognize them as shit tests in the moment. But what you likely didn’t realize is that those shit tests – focused on capitalizing your time or demeaning your progress - **are about your progress** – lifting, reading, STFU. **She will pretend to be clueless about how awesome you are becoming.** She will cast a web of doubt and hope that you fall into it. Meanwhile, all of your friends, family and coworkers are saying how great you look – how much more energetic you’ve become – how much happier you seem – yet, you hear nothing of the sort from your woman. In fact, you hear the opposite the entire time. Why does she do this? Most would answer here that it’s because she wants to put her little beta-boy back in his box. I can agree with that. But it’s also because **she wants to** ***protect her own SMV****.* If she ever admitted you were *better than her*, it would require her to admit that there has been a power shift in the dynamics of the relationship where *you* start to hold the cards of *your own outcome.* Until now, she has controlled that outcome and needed to do little to keep her SMV up. Now that you’re starting to show promise, or in fact have great promise that she secretly knows about – she will deploy every manipulative tactic in her arsenal to protect *her own ego against the truth*. The truth? You are becoming a high value man. Instead, as you pass those tests and improve you own mental point of origin, she will silently hamster everything away to continually protect her ego. But here is where most men stall. They do not understand that the progress that you’re making is invigorating her hamster to test in even more manipulative and creative ways. The tests become harder and you start to question your own progress**. “Doesn’t she think I’m an attractive man?** **Can’t she see it?”** When you ask yourself one of those questions – *you’ve already lost.* She is still your mental point of origin, and you will never break free of her web of doubt to be your own judge. Therefore most men stall here. You are not your own judge and still seeking validation. You MUST push through this. **This is why we hate “she” statements in OYS.** **It shows us that your thoughts do not begin (mental point of origin) and end (no dancing monkey) with you.** Having this shift in the power dynamic is not something that will happen easily for her. It requires her to kill her ego entirely about who she is – in the same way that you were required to kill your own. It will not die easily. **Her ego dies when her judgement is meaningless to you and you are a high value man** – your judgement of who you are should win in all cases because that is the masculine direction that she seeks in her life. Without that self-judgement, you are not worth following. Knowing that your way, even if you consider her thoughts (and perhaps feelz) on the matter and recalibrate as necessary from understanding a valid test – will your masculine judge be the authority to govern YOU. Your actions. Your feelings of yourself. She does not possess this masculine gift of direction and she will always look to you or another high value man as a sense of her own self worth and direction. She is afterall, a little girl at heart that feelz warm and fuzzy from the approval of a man she **admires and respects**. The question is, do you believe you are that man who is his own mental point of origin? If so, you will no longer be angry at her epic shit test. It will be a meaningless test that no longer serves your growth. She never wanted to influence your idea of who you are, and until you can congruently show this through your actions will she never relent and submit her ego to this powerful masculine force that is who you are. # Why is this a wonderful gift? I really believe that this is a greatest test of all time, and it’s a gift from your woman. She has the ability to test you to the ends of the earth on the three hardest concepts that we speak to here at MRP: Mental Point of Origin is required for Outcome Independence, and is not possible as the Dancing Monkey while your ego is involved. This epic test has been so beautifully crafted as a gift to you so that you might pass it… and you know what? **She WANTS you to pass this test.** She desires in the darkest parts of who she is as a woman for you to fucking *crush* this and make yourself a man of high value. **This woman has likely been on your team all along.** Why? Because women are solipsistic and… this test, pass or fail, serves her. # Beyond the epic test - Dominance, submission and her dark desires: MRP is broken into a couple of different camps on this next thought process. Some think it’s not worth the effort and can create negative feedback loops – and while I agree that this can create more behaviors that could feed the Dancing Monkey, I think it’s also possible that it *doesn’t* if you hold the frame and worldview similar to the one I’ll describe here. Even after men have found their own mental point of origin, I still see them stuck. They simply do not [express their Outcome Independence](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/5ntc44/expressing_emotions_like_a_man/) for these (often) useless tests like a man would. And furthermore, they do not know how to covert this acute awareness of their own frame to be the leading frame of the relationship – but more importantly, how to convert this frame into one that feeds a creates positive feedback loops for a submissive woman. This is where some disagree it’s “too much work”. For me and my worldview the work has been worth it. This is where I diverged from a lot of people here and chose to live in a formal D/s relationship. There were a lot of contributing factors to that decision and journey – but I chose D/s because it was what was best for me, long term. She is a reflection of me, so this is what serves her as well. I think this is accomplished – surprise – by actions. Over time your actions become more congruent to your frame and your mental point of origin about yourself and as she adopts YOUR worldview of yourself as a high value man, you can feed the submissive woman by making sure that her mental point of origin becomes YOU. That is what a submissive woman is afterall. A woman who looks to you for all approvals. **You allow and encourage her to openly seek validation** from you and grow her through **praise**. The feminine grows through praise. If you want an *extremely* submissive woman you must be willing to take on the leadership required to make sure you are at her center of most thoughts and approvals. She looks to you for a validation tool of her own self-worth and you are the one trusted person in this world that she gives the gift of submission to. If you want to have a woman living so extremely within her submissive and feminine frame, you must be able to live within this dynamic knowing it will *require* you to live within your dominant and masculine frame in polarity. Living in vary degrees of this polarity of relationship doesn't require full submission such as a formal D/s arrangement, but I think the more you adopt this frame as two people together – the closer you get to that type of informal relationship dynamic. It's all a matter of what YOUR frame is, and how it serves you. She serves you as an opposite (polarity) to that established frame. I think this is a true unexplored area of MRP. If her focus and thoughts are centered on you – what can you do to best influence the enrichment of your vision and mission? And yes, that’s highly manipulative which you both will be aware of, openly. But is that such a bad thing if it creates a worthwhile and worthy life for that woman and you? I do not think so. But be wary – the responsibility is more than what most men would likely want to take on. It’s not for everyone, but you give it as a gift of who you are in exchange for her gift of submission. This is the mutual cycle of effortless gifting. Use it to varying degrees in your own relationship and determine if this is something you wish to honor as a gift in her dark desires. &#x200B; Why was this test important for me? This beautiful test was for her submission and my dominance both mentally and physically all along. **This was a test of polarity that serves her in the relationship, and you in the world.**",,188,HornsOfApathy,2020-02-20 22:00:30 marriedredpill,f5omuh,"Own Your Shit Weekly - February 18, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,24,AutoModerator,2020-02-18 08:24:23 marriedredpill,f3x2kf,It Felt Really Good to Write This,"I've been participating in the weekly OYS threads for over a year now. This is mostly advice for the newbs, but it applies to every one. &#x200B; **“It felt really good to…”** This is a phrase I’ve been seeing in way too often in OYS reports. Here is a small sampling (there are many, many more examples). **It felt good to**: …. Clean [up the cars](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/eoik9y/own_your_shit_weekly_january_14_2020/fefjj2p?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x) …. [Show off](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/eoik9y/own_your_shit_weekly_january_14_2020/fefjj2p?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x) my \[195 lb\] squat …. Focus [on myself](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/eoik9y/own_your_shit_weekly_january_14_2020/fed92kn?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x) …. [Shoot](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/el8s8z/own_your_shit_weekly_january_07_2020/fdlzhi2?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x) the shit …. [Change the light switch](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/el8s8z/own_your_shit_weekly_january_07_2020/fdjpyrm?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x) in the bathroom …. [Be noticed](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/el8s8z/own_your_shit_weekly_january_07_2020/fdjgypa?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x) by women …. Have sex [without ejaculating](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/e5e441/own_your_shit_weekly_december_03_2019/f9kr4h4?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x) …. Be alive and [game women](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/errrnm/own_your_shit_weekly_january_21_2020/ff5wnkd?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x) … Be [aggressively kissed](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/eoik9y/own_your_shit_weekly_january_14_2020/ff5i5cd?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x) by a drunk, ugly female … [be assertive](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/ev2trz/own_your_shit_weekly_january_28_2020/fftzj3b?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x) … Read [the sidebar](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/ev2trz/own_your_shit_weekly_january_28_2020/fftb5da?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x) … [verbalize](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/ev2trz/own_your_shit_weekly_january_28_2020/fftd4r8?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x) all the shit I’ve been learning … set a boundary to [turn down late night sex](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/f25i55/own_your_shit_weekly_february_11_2020/fhavwos?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x). ... be [doing something](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/f25i55/own_your_shit_weekly_february_11_2020/fhb997b?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x). … set boundaries and [tell people no](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/f25i55/own_your_shit_weekly_february_11_2020/fhb8hlm?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x) … [align with my own goals ](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/f25i55/own_your_shit_weekly_february_11_2020/fham1dg?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x) … [bust out](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/e1v2tb/own_your_shit_weekly_november_26_2019/f8s9993?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x) some reps &#x200B; All of these things fall into 2 categories: **1.** Shit that **wouldn’t normally feel good**, but somehow felt good for you because you are a [faggot](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/eoik9y/own_your_shit_weekly_january_14_2020/fehfv8i?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x). You felt the need to tell everyone that it felt good because otherwise we wouldn’t care. **2.** Shit you would **normally be doing already** if you weren’t a faggot. &#x200B; So why do this? Basically, [you are feeling good about feeling good](https://markmanson.net/fuck-your-feelings) and think that you need to share it. As a result, you pump up your ego and build up more self-protection. * Self-congratulatory * Chronically overestimate your accomplishments * Delusionally positive self-perception * Constant self-absorption. In one context (Narcissism / Dark Triad), this is fine because confidence leads to success with women. But in the OYS context, it’s harmful because it leads to an inability to handle failure/rejection and avoiding confrontation/discomfort. &#x200B; Owning your shit is about owning your ***shit***. It doesn’t feel good. It sucks. It requires real introspection about failures in order to learn from them and improve. Moving from beta behaviors to alpha behaviors is uncomfortable. It’s painful. It doesn’t feel good. [Killing the ego](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/84tpno/killing_the_ego/) is required to begin [building frame](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/cu36w5/a_chapter_on_frame/). If you feel great every time you leave the gym, you are doing it wrong. If you feel great every time you write an OYS, you are doing it wrong. If everything was rainbows and unicorns, you wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t be here. When something really feels good, you don’t have to say it. /u/Red-Sfpplus didn’t need to say “it sure felt good to have [two women at one party](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/8hobll/fr_one_party_two_women/)” or it sure felt good to “[anal train my slut](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/duyj0f/building_your_slut_part_1_anal/)”. /u/HornsOfApathy didn’t need to say “It sure felt good to [create my](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/c2l5dt/your_woman_is_one_of_your_greatest_creations/) 24/7 D/s wife”. Real successes are self-validating. **You don’t need to tell anyone how good it felt.** **We already know.** So when you write your OYS, take a risk and write the uncomfortable stuff, the shit you really need to own. Dig in, get real, and reap the rewards. And if you find yourself using the phrase ""it felt good to..."", take a moment and ask yourself why you are writing it.",,60,Cloudy_Pirate,2020-02-14 19:12:09 marriedredpill,f25i55,"Own Your Shit Weekly - February 11, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,23,AutoModerator,2020-02-11 08:24:24 marriedredpill,f05hs9,How to fuck your wife's friends.,"We've had a couple of guys post on this topic -- asking how to make a move on your wife's friends. **It's really EASY!** Don't. I can't believe I even have to write this. If you have to ask for advice on how to do it, do you really think you're getting good vibes on the situation? And if you get it wrong, do you realize how badly you've just fucked yourself strategically? If they want to fuck you, they will make a move on you. And it won't be something like ""hey... let's organize a kid's play date."" If you're regularly fucking other women on the side, and you can actually read a vibe and communicate intent non-verbally, this doesn't apply to you. If you're already fucking your wife's friends, obviously this advice doesn't apply to you either. This advice is [for these types](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/ezv4g0/hb7_from_the_gym_coming_to_my_house_tomorrow_for/) [of retards](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/eyn0ea/own_your_shit_weekly_february_04_2020/fgmlxoo/).",,143,[deleted],2020-02-07 04:49:48 marriedredpill,eyn0ea,"Own Your Shit Weekly - February 04, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,21,AutoModerator,2020-02-04 08:24:22 marriedredpill,ewc8td,MRP and Watching Sports - Repost for relevance,,/r/marriedredpill/comments/7v90zq/mrp_and_watching_sports/,35,InChargeMan,2020-01-30 21:03:28 marriedredpill,ev2trz,"Own Your Shit Weekly - January 28, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,24,AutoModerator,2020-01-28 08:24:24 marriedredpill,ete70z,"How to make your B$%h sit, stay, lay down, and cum","*How to make your bitch sit, stay, lay down, and cum* [This youtube Video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uaPsgVcjgtk) explains time tested Behavioral and Operant Conditioning methods and serves as an introduction to CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming). It is my most controversial piece yet! A client once accused me of using “animal training” tactics with women and “treating women like animals.” I watched a couple episodes of “Dog Possible” about animal training and guess what buddy? You are absolutely correct and I am here to own it! The reality is that we are all animals. I trace the evolution of Homo Sapiens from our cave man days not so long ago to the handcrafted tools and the fire that we danced around, and all the gang bang sex we had around that fire. Yet through it all, for at least 250,000 years, until just 65,000 years ago we never showed any sign of creative thinking! Then, suddenly, beginning in South Africa something happened. Probably the Toba eruption likely wiped out almost all of the genus Homo in Africa but it was BIG because there is suddenly evidence of symbolic thinking and Homo Sapiens spread through the world with lightning speed. Then, probably only about 25,000 years ago something else happened. We don’t know what it was exactly but it was so dramatic and so sudden that many people claim aliens came down to Earth and suddenly gave Humans the ability to plan for the future, and organize society. While it was probably not ancient aliens, there is good evidence that religion arose immediately after that something because in just a few years, humans began burying their dead in individual graves with ornaments and personal effects. Before that, humans threw dead bodies into a hole in the ground in a communal burial. At the same time religion and temples and individual graves became a thing, agriculture and living in settled cities and towns suddenly also became a thing. It was only around 10,000 years ago or so that actual cities began to be constructed and well after that when writing was invented. That is human history so far. Civilization has been around for around 10,000 years out of 250,000 to 300,000 years we have been on the Earth. And that’s not all! Before homo sapiens evolved there were at least FIVE MILLION years of proto hominids walking around Africa. They did not have tools or fire, and their brains were about the size of a modern Chimpanzee but they were our ancestors. If we consider the whole timeline of human and prehumen hominid evolution, we find that human civilization comprises a tiny, tiny fraction of human and hominid existence on the planet. We are not civilized humans with a thin veneer of barbarism. We are fucking barbarian animals with a thin veneer of civilization! So take the Red Pill and recognize that men are animals- but women are also animals. Having accepted this fact, what do we do with it? We could whine and bemoan our fate like many MGTOW’s and Incels. We could rail against the light and spit up the Red Pill. Or…we could accept the facts and use them to our advantage and to the advantage of our families, wives, and children. How do we do that? First, understand that The Red Pill is nothing more than reality. The reality is that women are animals and their animal desires control them, just as they control most men. Second, if you need to control an animal, there are many thousands of years of tried, and true methods for achieving this control. We shall now apply those methods to the control of women and compare the efficacy with controlling other animals. We first note that women have many characteristics in common with dogs. They are pack animals who follow the leader. They are overly concerned with dominance hierarchies. They avoid conflict, especially with the pack leader. They become extremely agitated and unhappy if placed in a situation where the dominance hierarchy is unclear. Their sexual response is closely related to their perception of your place in the dominance hierarchy. They need clear boundaries or they will destroy your home. Most important, the only way to get a dog to shut up and listen to you is by establishing your dominance. How do you do this? Can you guess? It is through **""respectful detachment.""** If you try to give them affection or attention or reward them too much, they walk all over you and even become aggressive. They will destroy your home if you let them. However, if you refuse even eye contact with them when they are being disobedient and reward them ONLY when they are being obedient then guess what? They start to listen. They shut up. They start to get the idea in their head that you are dominant and they need to show some respect. Another word for all of this is establishing your FRAME! To a woman, respect for your strong frame is keyed into her perception of your level of “Alpha” and that means her respect for you as the dominant partner is 100% keyed into her sexual feelings for you. If you want her to have sexual feelings, then she needs to see you as dominant. If you want her to despise you and be terribly unhappy then by all means, let her be dominant You establish dominance with a dog by **“respectful detachment**.” If you greet the dog with smiles and hugs all the time, they grow to expect it. They stop responding when you give them smiles and hugs as a reward for good behavior because…why bother. They always get what they want anyway. If you run to them and throw your arms around them the minute you see them, they pull away- and they KEEP pulling away so long as you keep pursuing. However, if you are indifferent to the dog, they will come to you with their nose nudging your hand, begging you to pet them. Often owners have a “bad dog” that eats off the table or growls at a houseguest. The common solution is to pet the dog to “calm her down” but all this does is reinforce the bad behavior that you don’t want! Don’t do it! Instead, when your dog behaves badly, the solution is to avoid eye contact, ignore the bad behavior, redirect away from the bad behavior, and finally reward when they comply. Using this methodology, you can train your dog to stop pulling on the leash in a few sessions. You can get her to behave when she is in your presence with just a bit more work. Of course, getting her to behave when you are not around for her to see is another level entirely and may not even be possible! “Respectful Detachment” is the key to dealing with all the bitches 😊. Achieve this and you are no longer needy. You are no longer whiny. You have advanced your attractiveness considerably in this woman’s eyes because even if it doesn’t make you the “alpha dog” it at least makes you a lone wolf. While you are “detached” you are still aware of the woman’s behavior. You still look for excuses to ‘reward’ her. Just like with a dog you still cuddle her and pet her and reward her for good behavior. You still delight in giving her treats. Just like with your loving and faithful hound, you love her with all of your heart and you would gladly sacrifice and even give up your life for her. BUT…at the same time you are DETACHED. You are not controlled externally by her whims but internally by your own considered needs and desires. This is the true meaning of DNGAF. Don’t GAF about her bad behavior any more than you care when the dog gets on the table. Define “good behavior” and “bad behavior” in your own mind and then set about paying attention and rewarding good behavior and ignoring and punishing bad behavior. Don’t’ punish with anger or in anger. Most punishment should be simply ignoring the behavior. Punish like a stern father or the owner of your beloved dog that behaved badly. You will still have “accidents” and she will still piss on the floor if you don’t open the door quickly enough…but over time they will decrease and become less and less. Over time, you will learn to communicate with your fun-loving little sex puppy so that you learn to open the door for her before she even starts to bark. One day, she will realize that you are the dominant one in this relationship and after a period of fierce shit testing, she will finally relax, open up sexually, and suddenly decide that she is happy. Now for the final secret. THIS is what I do with clients. I am like the trainer in “Dog Possible” except I work with the owner, not the dog. smh It is true. We are freaking animals and 90% of what we do and 95% of what we think is programmed. Some of it is good code but much of it is not- and all of it can be deprogrammed if you have enough time and patience.",,41,RedPillCoach,2020-01-24 18:14:17 marriedredpill,et0ndf,Qualify Your Date,"You may be married today, but with a sky high divorce rate, you know it’s only a matter of time before your status changes to “separated”, then “divorced”. Which puts you back in the dating game. Some qualifying tests for dating to ensure you are making effective use of your time. Effective use of her time? That’s her problem, not yours. 1. She wants a phone call to chat first. Tell her you prefer meeting in person, see what she says. If she insists on a phone call, delete her. If she isn’t willing to follow you for a first meeting, it’s only downhill from there. You’re really trying to determine if she will follow you. Along with you staying off the damn phone, it’s not your friend. 2. She says she has no car. See if she’ll meet half way anyway. That will determine her interest level, flexibility, and willingness to make an effort. If no, delete her. You’ll just end up being her chauffeur for everything else you do together. 3. You’ve been paying for a while. Tell her it’s her turn to pay. See if she’s willing to follow and comply with you, or she follows her women, as in “the man always pays”. If she gives major drama about paying, ghost her and move on. It’s never going to get any better. You’re not her walking ATM. 4. She wants to do some activity that requires non-trivial investment. Say long-term dance lessons. Tell her to register herself, and you’ll register yourself. You’ll find out if she’s serious, or just trying to free ride on you. If she tells you to register her, move along. Once an expense is on your credit card, you’re liable for it, and don’t expect her to reimburse you. The other problem is that she has no skin in the game, and will bail on the lessons the minute she’s pissed off with you. 5. She wants a first date meal or paid entertainment. Tell her it’s Starbucks or McDonalds, and only coffee, but you’ll pay. If she insists on a meal or entertainment, be busy with something else, ghost her and move along. You don’t have a relationship with her, and are under no obligation to feed her or entertain her. If you set the initial bar at meals or entertainment, there’s no telling how high that bar’s going to go. 6. She lives far away but still is in your area code. Do nothing. Don’t reply. Delete her. Women don’t reply to men all the time. You’re looking for a dating companion, not a part-time friend. You can do nothing spontaneous with her. Proximity is one of the laws of attraction. You don’t have it when she’s an hour away. 7. She’s not in your area code. Swipe left. There’s no such thing as a long distance relationship. You’ll only end up with a pen pal, and since you’re a busy guy with local options and interesting things to do, you don’t need a female pen pal. 8. Her pictures showed her at a more youthful stage of her life. Yes, we want to show our best face to the world. Yes, attraction is everything to men. Yes, everyone lies on their dating profiles. But this is false advertising and really a bait-and-switch tactic. Be nice for an hour, and delete her on the way out the door. Would you have done the date if you saw pictures of the real her? Glowing personalities do not make up for attractiveness, or lack of. Again, men choise on attractiveness first. Maybe that’s shallow, but that’s how men are. 9. She declines a scheduled meeting at the last minute, and gives no counter proposal to meet. Easy. Delete her. Shit happens, but must be accompanied by a counter proposal. She probably got a better proposal from another man.",,25,[deleted],2020-01-23 22:29:15 marriedredpill,es1hvw,A primer on Frame.,"Often murky, the idea of frame has mentions of being not afraid to express your ideas openly to your wife, not DEERing plus a plethora of other mental gymnastics you try put down and incorporate into your arsenal of becoming a better man, all extremely helpful as concepts to remember but there is a better way to approach it. **Where you go wrong** Ever gotten into that argument and you're just spinning on argument after argument of what you would like to say to your wife/boss/whoever the fuck you just confronted with what you would like to say? It hits you with being a faggot to yourself and not having self respect by explaining your point of view in your head repeatedly and what I consider to losing frame to yourself mentally as you go back and forth. This is where beginner level STFU mentality comes in because of the inability to control yourself mentally/emotionally but being outwardly in control/less invested than your wife. **Psychology and Marriedredpill** Explanations/DEERing is your unconscious mind and when it is with unexpressed it is subconscious. Watch your explanations to yourself after someone challenges you. You'll likely see how much you are DEERing/weakening yourself. Smile and let them torment themselves in their own weakening. **It's place in time** Evolutionarily the ones explaining themselves are the weaker in the pack and honestly are a detriment to themselves as well. Alphas just do shit, betas try understand and implement mentally what the alphas just get. Summed up by Aristotle with ""Those who know, do. Those that understand, teach."" **How to just get what Alphas just get** What you have to do is watch the explanations of ""I"" which lead to indulgent behaviors and situations getting the better of you. You are priming yourself to be a beta when you do. The one who invests less/can move on the fastest and has all the power (over himself too). Meditation has it's place but it doesn't let prime you for when an internal battle is brewing and what to look for. **Where it has it's exceptions** Now this does unravel itself in that you do have to explain/think out how to get ahead in relationships and in life in general and the trick is you can DEER and there is an honest place for this kind of thinking but it is without that festering repetition in the heat of the moment (a controlled calm environment of momentary mgtow). Work being that other exception but this can be guided with advanced fogging and proper preparation. Take control of yourself, cut the unnecessary explanations out of your life and become your own mental point of origin.",,7,kikmepm,2020-01-21 21:35:45 marriedredpill,errrnm,"Own Your Shit Weekly - January 21, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,20,AutoModerator,2020-01-21 08:24:26 marriedredpill,eqofwa,A fun kinky sex game and what’s in the background...,"Having read some of the recent posts from @red-sfpplus I started to write a response but I think it’s more of a stand alone post as I worked on the second half. So here it is a Ds game you can use as inspiration with some background on why it works. I came up with a game called “Choose Your Hole”. The rules are simple. 1. There is going to be a night, evening, afternoon or whatever where she chooses what hole she’s gonna get fucked in. 2. I’m going to only insert into one of her three holes (mouth, pussy or ass). 3. She will choose the hole but not know which she is choosing. I came up with three random multiple choice questions: choose a number: 3, 8 or 7 next choose a colour: red, yellow or green and finally choose a letter: J, D or S. Here is the key I did not share with her: 3 - ass 8 - mouth 7 - pussy Red - mouth Yellow - pussy Green - ass J - pussy D - mouth S - ass 4. I texted her one question at the end of the day for three days in a row. On day 4 I showed her the key and what she chose, in this case it came out as ass. 5. When informing her of her prize I told her my expectations of preparation. IE clean herself, wear thigh high stockings etc and we agreed on a date. I also keep it open for her to put forward any limits or requests she has. I also told her if she is a good girl and pleases me I’ll work her clit. She will be expected to use her mouth and hands but I won’t be putting anything IN her mouth such as my dick or fingers. That’s basically the game. You can modify it however you like based on the dynamics of your relationship. If the above has peaked your interest then read on cause from here on lies the important stuff: 1. We have and openly discussed Ds relationship where she trusts me and I know how to read her limits. Ours is not TPE as I do not like the idea of TPE. (If you don’t know what Ds or TPE stand for you have some research to do and no, pornhub is not a good source of info) we have safe words established... 2. We rarely fuck for less than 45 mins to an hour. So it’s understood this will be a full on working of that hole. 3. I use all three of her holes on the regular, so she’s fully capable of taking an extended session in any one of those holes. 4. Did I mention trust? She trusts I’m not gonna over do it, or more to the point that I’m paying enough attention to her that I’m not going to “cross her lines”. She knows I’m going to take care of her before, during and after even though I’m definitely going to use her roughly and she’ll love it. 5. Aftercare, when this is over as with nearly every time we fuck I’m gonna hold her, tell he she’s a good girl and deliver a high level of comfort. Dichotomy is key. The more we explore one extreme, the more it’s gonna get balanced with the opposite. I’ll make sure aftercare lasts until we’re both fully wound down and want to shower. 6. The above will in no way “fix” a dead bedroom. 7. We’re already at the stage we’re she vocalizes she is my property sexually. 8. I’ve done a shit ton of reading, learning and practice to get to this point. 9. I’ve read the book Sex God Method and incorporated a lot of the points in it before I explored Ds or BDSM type play with a LTR. 10. I personally have a shit ton of work I need to continue to do to grow as a high value man, it took me about two years to get to the point where I can pull off the above confidently. I still make mistakes and I correct myself as best I can whenever I can. This shit is a marathon not a race, maybe a game like the above could be considered a milestone in the high value man journey. At this point for me it’s just another fun thing I do with my girl. Properly unfucking oneself takes a long time and it never ends. One final word on MRPs wanting to explore kink, BDSM, Ds etc. You’re gonna run across a lot of post modern progressive BS just like everywhere else in the western world. Your gonna need to be wise and know where to draw your own personal boundaries. It’s pretty easy to get lost in it. Some questions you’re going to face on that path: - Do I want an open relationship? - Where do I draw the line when it comes to freaky shit? - Am I trustworthy? - Where is my spouse in all of this? - Am I strong enough and attractive enough that my partner is going to follow my lead once exposed? - Do I know the risks and am I willing to accept the worst case scenario? If you’re new to MRP, just starting the 12 steps of dread haven’t read any of the MRP material, suffer from a dead bedroom etc this may not be something you should look into. In the end you are the only one responsible for what happens on your life. I have friends who were a couple that I’ve known for almost 25 years. They have 6 kids. They started exploring the kink world from a naive place. Short story he failed to draw boundaries, lead and maintain perspective. That said he had a great time as did she. In the end they were exploring “ethical non-monogamy”, jealousy took over and he pulled back from the “kink community” but she kept going. The fiery spiral that was their split became fairly public with her posting all kinds or insane shit on Facebook. He had a decently successful business with a family focussed market, that market politely stopped using his services. He became an addictions counsellor, she became a homeless mermaid witch and their kids are trapped in a total mess between the two parents. They take turns living in their house. She couch surfs when not in the house and he a shitty apartment... I think about them a lot when I think about kink. Did kinky sex kill their family? No, his total lack of perspective, boundaries, awareness of the risks etc... If anyone wants to know more about BDSM or a Ds relationship dynamic feel free to ask.",,4,suprathepeg,2020-01-18 23:41:12 marriedredpill,eq5e7n,Building your slut: Part 2 - Using your slut,"Dear Diary, OK, so been a minute. But this post has taken me some time to put together as it tends to be more specific, actionable things to do in the bedroom. So, you are fucking her ass like the slut she is, and now you need to keep upping the ante. Well, here are some ideas to spice up your sexual adventures. Maybe you are already doing all this, and hey that’s great. Why didn’t you take the fucking time to write this post then? That’s what I thought. **Safewords and Safe Gestures** Fitchick and I have evolved to two sets of safe words. We have the standard Yellow/Red for non-rape fantasies. Then we have another set of words for rape/resisted sex play. The reason is, during the rape/resisted sex scenarios she needs to be able to say the words ""No, you are hurting me, please stop"" etc and you need both need to be safe in knowing these words are not real, right now. They are all actually really hot to hear, so go for it. For this standard Yellow/Red do not apply so you need a second set of designated words. You also need ""safe gestures"" for you both in case she has her underwear in her mouth gagging her, or something else. We have two safe gestures: Extreme, rapid eye blinking and/or finger snapping. In case of blindfold, you cant see eyes, so you do not restrain fingers. And vice-versa. This gives you visual clues. In the case of safe gestures, we consider then the same level of **RED**, so all actions stop immediately. **Level 1: Safe Words** * Blindfold her. * Tying her hands behind her back. * Pinning her hands above her head while you are on top. * Biting her ears. * Biting/pulling/pinching her nipples. * Slap her ass when in doggy. * Life up her shirt to her face and use it as a gag and/or blindfold. Works well with hands above head. **Level 2: Safe Words** * Order her to masturbate while you watch. * Order her to undress herself while you sit on the other side of the room to supervise. * Facefucking. * Facefucking with her hair in pony tails using them as rains. * Order her to her knees to perform oral in front of a full length mirror. * Grab the back of her neck during oral and force yourself deeper into her mouth. **Level 3: Safe Words** * Finger her, then order her to taste herself off your finger. Bonus points for anal, ensure sanitary conditions. * Pull her hair with one hand, then two. * Grab to fist fulls of hair when you are on top, placing all your weight into the mattress and order her to maintain eye contact while you pound her. * During any sexual act, calling her your whore/slut. * Pin her against the wall face first and fuck her while standing up. **Level 4: Safe Gestures** * Place a clothing hook over your door, handcuff her then put the cuffs over the hook. Use a leg spreader to open her legs, then fuck her from behind. Add in blindfolds and gags as desired. * In doggy, pull her hands behind her back forcing her face into the mattress. Order her to hold her own hands while you place your non-dominate hand on the back of her head pushing it harder and deeper into the mattress. * Tear off her underwear, and use them as a gag, in any of the previous scenarios. * Order her to her knees to perform oral. Tower over her, and while you face fuck her, order her to maintain eye contact with you. Verbal commands and sexual name calling is required. * Standing from behind, or in doggy reach around to her face and place your fingers in her mouth like a bit a horse chews on. Ensure lots of verbal cues are used ""My dirty little slut."" * Standing from behind or in doggy, reach around and grab her chin. Pull her face up to you, forcing her to over extend and hyper-extend her lower back. This will cause great pain/pleasure if done correctly for her. Kiss her cheek during this and ensure verbal cues are relayed. * Fuck her fully clothed. Pull her skirt/dress up, panties to the side and fuck her like that, standing, from behind. **Level 5: Safe Gestures** * Cover her mouth during any sexual act. * Cover her mouth and pinch her nose closed. * Use a pillow case over her head. * Slap her across the face during sexual acts. * Slap her breasts during sexual acts. * Come in her, tell her to squat down and let it drip out of her onto the floor. Once some is on the floor, order her to get on all 4's and lick it up. **Scenario Based Sex:** * When she gets home from work, spring out from a hidden area, cover her mouth, drag her to the bedroom, toss her on the bed and rip her clothes off. * She is your tenant and you are her landlord. She enters your ""office"" from the garage, bedroom, etc. She is unable to pay her rent for the month. You take her to the kitchen where you have pre-staged a dinner setting for two. Use plastic plates or paper. She is going to explain the situation, and it will escalate to you offering rent in exchange for sex. She will resist verbally. You will get to the point where you stand up and violently sweep all the place settings off the table. Ensure you do this in a safe direction, and make sure you use plastic so nothing breaks. Once the table is cleared you march over to her and lift her up, roughly slamming her down onto the freshly cleaned off kitchen table where you will force yourself onto her from behind to collect your rent money. You will remind her that moving forward she will give you sex in exchange for free rent. This can then be a running fantasy for you and your wife for the entire month. You can send her texts like, ""Rent is past due again, I will be collecting tonight"" * She is a runner running through the park. You spring out from behind a tree and execute a rape fantasy. * Public library. You require a large public library. You meet each other somewhere in the back of the stacks for a sexual encounter. There is a longer list that I am still working on, maybe that will be Part 3. Until then, try and get your dick wet this weekend. Come back, and tell us which of these you did yourself. And you will notice, DEERING, masturbating and arguing with your SO are not on this list.",,56,red-sfpplus,2020-01-17 19:49:36 marriedredpill,eofu98,Don’t eat paint,"**Fred learns about cows and milk** There was a man named Fred who heard about a cows. His friend Henry told him they contain a delicious white liquid called milk. Henry told fred about how to milk a cow and get this delicious and natural drink. He also described what a cow looks like to the t. Naturally, Fred was intrigued by this new thing he heard about, cows, and he wanted to go out and taste this delicious drink called milk. So, Fred searched statewide for a cow, everywhere, both high and low. He had a hard time finding one. **Fred finds a cow and milk** One day, just as Fred was completely discouraged, he looked up and he saw what his friend described. He knew it was a cow because it fit the description perfectly. But, not only that ... as a bonus, as Fred came close to the cow, he saw a bucket with white liquid, and he knew that someone had already milked the cow, and finally here was some delicious milk before his very eyes. Fred was so excited, he immediately grabbed the bucket and began chugging the milk. This didn’t taste like he thought. As a matter of fact, it tasted pretty horrible. Then, he began having severe stomach pains **RIP Fred** Fred died shortly after sting the milk. Had Fred’s friend led him astray? **What happened** What he thought was a cow was a statue of a cow. The cow was painted that day with white paint, so the was a bucket of leftover paint sitting next to the cow. He drank the paint thinking it was milk and died. **The MRP lesson** Learning the MRP way of life takes time and most importantly, experience. One of the most common mistakes is guys coming on MRP, reading a few posts/comments, and then thinking they have all the answers. This is what we call **kids with dynamite.**. They don’t have enough knowledge to make positive lasting changes in their life, but they have just enough knowledge to blow shit up. **They are eating paint** Lots of guys want a quick fix, and easy answer, a magical way to get frame, become great at agree and augment... etc **But, they usually lack patience**. The solution lies in making small, barley noticeable changes. Many go Rambo instead. We keep saying over and over to read the sidebar, but experience and practice must occur alongside the reading. But, the experience should be from small changes... test the waters a little... start slow... which leads me to.... **Lift, sidebar, STFU** Yes, start simple. Quit engaging in meaningless arguments with your wife... which, is pretty much **any** argument. Learn to keep it brief and then STFU. It will be u comfortable at first. Becoming a man is an uncomfortable process that requires you to take different thoughts and actions. Don’t automatically assume you understand and can apply a concept just because you read about it... unless you enjoy drinking paint. If you try A&A too early, you will probably fail miserably. When you do start trying it, start with very simple slam dunk A&A’s. If you feel uncomfortable before you’re about to talk, that means faggotry is about to come out of your mouth, so **STFU** Bottom line is this thing takes time and lots of effort. Expect it to take **at least** one month for every year you were a married beta faggot... and that’s if you are reading the entire sidebar, not just the same 3 or 4 over and over, you’re lifting, and you are practicing STFU. If you are newer, Don’t be a kid with dynamite. Don’t eat the paint. Do yourself a favor and build in lots of learning time so you can learn from experience before you blow shit up or eat the paint. * Reading without action is almost meaningless... * Action without reading is most likely to result in just more blue pill objectives... * Too much action with a little reading will blow shit up **So, the key is to find the right amount of action to fit your readings and circumstances**",,83,BobbyPeru,2020-01-14 03:52:20 marriedredpill,eoik9y,"Own Your Shit Weekly - January 14, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,21,AutoModerator,2020-01-14 08:24:22 marriedredpill,emf8hv,I need to improve my sex life with my wife. We’re not a dead bedroom situation. And this isn’t something I can’t control.,"UPDATE - SOLVED: Thanks to the handful of commenters that gave useful advice and understood what I was asking. To be fair, maybe I could have been EVEN clearer. To clarify: - we have a great marriage - we’re both in really great shape - wife says yes to sex 99 times out of 100 if I initiate. The issue was, I wasn’t initiating as much as I used to, but still having sex weekly. But something was lacking. It wasn’t an issue of her saying yes. Something was just off and the sex was getting a bit vanilla. So a lot of the advice I was getting was like calling in a full military air strike and re-training a full militia for a simple fist fight. It was overkill. If that makes sense. I don’t wait until a fire is a blaze before I put it out. I like to deal with issues before they become serious. I refuse to be in a crappy marriage. So that’s what this was. Being proactive. And we’re both good at nipping things in the bud early. SOLUTION: Some light kino. That’s literally it. I knew about kino, and thought that might help, but I didn’t realize it would help that much. My wife and I have always slapped each other’s butts for years. Recently it stopped by both of us. I thought her not doing it was a symptom of something bigger. But over a few days, I slapped her butt a handful of times plus the slightest uptick in other touching and that was it. She started smacking my butt after day 2. Her mood changed a lot. In addition I told her she looks amazing (she’s been going to the gym 6 days a week and she looks great. Though she did before anyways.) This wasn’t about my confidence. It was about hers. But that’s it. In short, I literally smacked her butt 4 times and told her she looked great and that did it. (And I made a sexy playlist that I put on during). Sunday we had the kind of sex we used to have. It was amazing. Normalcy returned. I will admit to one other mistake on my part. I’ve been really busy with work, and my wife is super organized so over the past year, there’s been a lot of “I don’t know, you decide” coming from me. Just for little things. Not a big issue and I don’t know if that has any bearing on our sex life. But to be safe, in addition to the kino, I cut it out because I know it’s not attractive even if it’s for something as innocuous as what to order for dinner. Lastly, having a date night wasn’t bad advice, but we just spent a week in Costa Rica over New Years and we had a blast so that couldn’t have been the issue. It really was just some kino that was required. ................................... EDIT: I can’t respond to any of these comments because the admins in this group have decided to ban me for 123 days for seeking basic actionable advice on how to spice up my sex life. Not surprising behaviour from a catty, hysterical, radical left wing lesbian, but surprising coming from a man, let alone men that claim they have command of their emotions and have their shit together. So, I have to address comments here. For the record, a date night or some light kino, as obvious as that is, was the best advice and appreciated. The other comments were blatant ego stroking PUA mentor positioning and not helpful and kind of sad. Original post: For a while the reason we weren’t having sex was 70% my fault. I was taking medication that was killing my libido (Not ain’t depressants). It’s back now but we’ve just lost our rhythm. My wife never initiates but is almost always into it when I do. Before I lost my mojo it was totally normal and ok for me to just start diddling her when she was asleep. Even full out sex if she was drunk. She liked it. She has some kinks like wanting to be tied up and even rape roleplay fantasies. So basically she’s submissive, but I just haven’t been dominant lately and it would be weird if I turned it up out of nowhere all of sudden. So it’s totally up to me to get back to having regular sex again and even exploring new kinks. So, I just need to find a way to turn up the heat again. The thing is, she doesn’t like talking about sex. I think we both don’t. So I need to non verbally become more sexually aggressive. And another problem is that the lack of sex has made her a bit distant. So again, would be weird if I went from zero to 100 overnight. Ultimately I think I know what I need to do. Just wondering if anyone’s been in this boat. I read recently about a couple that didn’t have sex for like 10 years, then did a “have sex every day for a month” challenge and that reignited their sex life and libidos. There is a little bit of me having to do things that will turn her on. But for the most part if I initiate, she’ll be down to bone. But with my libido being really again I want to get super freaky! Hope this all makes sense and you get what I’m asking. FYI, we’re still both fairly young, in shape, attractive, no kids. We both work hard and our jobs are stressful but not a huge issue. Thanks. EDIT: it’s really annoying that I can’t respond because of that karma bullshit. So I’ll add some info here... My wife HATES guys that lift. We make fun of guys like that all the time. Her and I are both in great shape. I wasn’t on anti depressants, and I look exactly the same as when we started dating. I didn’t come here to get advice about how to get my life in order or how to get in shape. I don’t need that and my wife would divorce me if I started lifting and got buff. Not her thing so please stop. She’s a shy introvert that likes skinny, quirky musicians. That said, I’m very athletic but more of an extreme sports kind of guy and messed myself up in the summer / am work obsessed and didn’t have much time for romance this year. Also, to address the anti depressants comment below: First of all, there’s nothing wrong with getting treatment for being depressed. Second of all, I took amyltryptaline for 7 days to help me sleep while I was getting off the pain pills I was taking for said injury. Yes I was miserable for a little bit while getting off them, but that wasn’t the problem. That’s a few weeks out of the last year. Not relevant to this discussion. And I’ve had mild depression years ago in college and it didn’t affect my sex drive. And it was circumstantial. I’m not the type to turn to meds for that. I prefer to fix whatever in my life is the problem, which I did a long time ago. I’m not a sit around and mope or wait kind of guy. If anything my ambition sometimes causes friction in our marriage. But my and my wife’s life is great right now. I’m not here for life advice. This is literally about getting some basic physical approach methods for a wife that is still attracted to me that says yes to sex 95% of the time. If she wasn’t into it, I would have posted in dead bedroom.",,22,Alex_J_Anderson,2020-01-09 20:15:59 marriedredpill,eli3iv,Bring the Balance Back,"In the immortal words of Robert Plant: >Sing as you raise your bow, >Shoot straighter than before. >No comfort has the fire at night >That lights the face so cold. >Oh dance in the dark of night, >Sing to the mornin' light. >The magic runes are writ in gold >To bring the balance back, bring it back. This is a writeup largely based on my latest youtube video bridging marriage counseling and Red Pill: [Balancing Alpha and Beta: Reconciling Red Pill Praxeology and Mainstream Marriage Counseling](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kp7j5G00jIk&t=634s). This video summarizes Gottman techniques (""Beta"") and then summarizes Red Pill techniques (""Alpha""). Both sets of tools are useful depending on your circumstances, the state and type of your relationship and where you fall in the Alpha/Beta balance. Of course this varies every damn day of the month but nobody ever said the game we were given was set on easy mode. I have been [Coaching men and the women who love them](www.coaching4men.com) for a couple of years now and have learned a thing or two about maintaining a marriage over the long term. The key to a good marriage can be summarized in a single word: BALANCE. On the one hand we have discovered The Red Pill. We have opened our eyes to the ‘real world’ and all of its horrors. We know that men and women are different, that they have different sexual strategies, different desires, different things they find attractive in the other sex, different behaviors, and very different emotional responses. We know about hypergamy, Alpha Fucks/Beta Bucks, and the fact that #Believewomen would be a hilarious lie were it not so pernicious and dangerous. We know about the Pence Rule (don’t just avoid fishing in the company pond, avoid women entirely at work and never, ever be alone with a woman from work). Via Red Pill we have learned that women like to screw just as much as men but they typically only like to screw bad ass men who take no prisoners and are willing to calmly and deliberately call out their bad behavior. On the other we have the mainstream advice columnists, marriage counselors, therapists, and an assortment of “blue pill professionals” determined to push the party line of equality, equalitarianism, and “women want a NIIIIIIICE guy” to settle down with so buy her things. Lots and lots of things. Also, don’t raise your voice, stand up to her, or deny her anything. Ever. Does it feel sometimes like women want the impossible? It is true. If you just listen to what women say it becomes clear they want [“Fried Ice.”]( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EGtlDiz42_Q&t=6s) Fortunately, we don’t just listen to what women say, we watch what they do. When you leave the house after an argument and refuse to engage, women and the whole crowd pile on to call this “abusive.” They whine that it is manipulative. When you stand up for yourself and ORDER your woman to stop her bad behavior and then follow it up with actual consequences, they decry this as antithetical to a happy marriage. You know what else they do when a man starts standing up for himself and no longer tolerates intolerable behavior? That’s right, they fuck him into a coma! So…if she SAYS be nicccce and kind and sweet and buy me flowers and then when you do those things she doesn’t want to have sex. THEN you stand up for yourself and tell her to knock it off she wants to have sex later that night which do you think you should listen too? The words or the behaviors? In my experience, the lie that ends most marriages is the lie that men and women are interchangeable and the same. Women expect men to be weepy, emotional, indecisive women after the wedding who stops leading (that would be “narcissistic” don’t you know) who constantly asks them what they want to do- and then they are disgusted and deeply turned off by the man who acts like a woman. They are frustrated that this is what they are supposed to “like” and then when they get it, they recoil in anger and frustration- even rage. Men expect women to be “equal” and logical. They are told that you should “discuss” things with your wife all the time. Emote, show emotion. Listen intently and don’t try to solve her problems. Don’t minimize her feelings! Basically, be her girlfriend. Again, women are disgusted and deeply turned off by this behavior that every magazine, every woman’s group, and almost every relationship book ever written demands. They are turned off because of the lie society has told us! The lie that women and men are the same. Except for one problem. Women are NOT men. Men are NOT women. Women want strong men, leaders, who are badass, and take no prisoners. Sure, they say they want weepy, whiny little manboys who emote and refrain from solving their problems but just listen carefully and tell her: “That sucks.” Sure, listening works- if you are already a badass. It doesn’t work so much when you take a metrosexual type guy who is already in touch with his emotions and try to “fix” the woman’s growing disgust and loss of sexual arousal by turning him into her gay, sexless friend. I think this is why marriage counseling has an 80% failure rate- it only works (marginally) for the badass guys who are not emotional enough. The goal of “therapy” is to get the man to get in touch with his emotions and to “listen.” It works for the guys who need to get in touch with their emotions and who need to listen more. For the rest of us guys, most of us, it is toxic advice- because it is predicated on a lie. First you have to define the problem. If you are not getting sex, just “Alpha Up” right? Seems easy enough. Develop your frame. Set your boundaries. Enforce them. Lead. Pursue your own self-interest. Screw her good and hard like a cave man. It’s what we focus on almost exclusively on MRP. No problems! Except it is not quite that simple. I hate to break the news to you guys but marriage is not all fun and games and it is not all about sex. Mostly, but not all. **Short term behaviors that get you laid are not always conducive to a long- term marriage. ** Please reread that sentence again because it is important. It is the primary difference between /r/Theredpill and /r/Marriedredpill . In the same way, short term behaviors that provide comfort and Beta-dom to your woman are rarely conducive to having awesome and hot sex in a marriage or out. Sure, you might get a pity frack now and then but chances are, if you are on the twice a month plan then your Alpha quotient is not high enough. The key to upping the Alpha is to ALSO up the Beta. Want to be stronger? Then you should also show more of your compassionate side. Want to lead more? A good leader listens to his followers! Want to be more dominant in bed? A dom understands that his duty is to the sub and her welfare and that requires emotional connection and attunement. That means the key to upping the Beta is to ALSO up the Alpha. Want to be more sensitive and caring? Then you should also be more decisive and lead more often. Want to have tender, gentle sex? Then throw her against the wall and kiss her roughly. Then throw her on the bed, jump on top, and slowwwwwwwllly play with her body until she is squirming and panting. NO problem! We will get right on it. What if you have become unbalanced? What if you were a Beta slug your whole marriage and then one day after a google search for “Why doesn’t’ my wife want to have sex with me” you discover the Red Pill and it works! You manned up, and started to really Alpha up….and the sex got better for a while. In fact it got a whole lot better- thank you very much, [Rollo!]( https://therationalmale.com/) Then it happened. Her whining started to increase. The festering anger in her voice grows and grows. What do you do? Red Pill preaches us to “Alpha Up” and DNGAF and STFU. Guys do that and it usually turns around the sex! That must mean we should do more of it, right? Wrong! Remember, the key is BALANCE. If the sex isn’t happening then work on some Alpha behaviors but don’t completely cut out your Beta behaviors! We call this “Going Rambo” and it is a real problem. When guys have followed the Blue Pill plan for a while and have been cruelly taunted and disrespected and denied sex, often for years if not decades, they tend to go crazy when they discover the Red Pill. They discover that being a bit of a dick turns women on so what do they do? Do they stay “a little bit” of a dick? Nope! They turn into critical, cynical, bitchy women whining about everything their wife does. She is screwing you a lot more often now because you have discovered that avoiding an emotional connection, dread game, and STFU has a powerful effect on women. (SHHHHH, don’t tell anybody but it lubes them up for some reason). However, there is an optimal line between Alpha Asshole and Beta Schlub that is murky and different for every relationship. Hell, it is different every day of the damn month but with a little attentiveness you can find the line. Where is that line? It is actually pretty easy to spot if you step back and pay attention to her behavior. (Did I mention that women really, really like it when a man pays attention to them). Don’t listen to her words for content but DO listen to her words for emotional affect. There is a huge difference between her calling you an “asshole” and calling you an “asshole.” The same word means different things in a different context and you can usually easily tell by the tone. One is a harsh and angry criticism while the other is a warm, comfortable complaint in the incessant manner of many women. If you can step back and objectively determine that you are the asshole then maybe it is time to walk it back a little. This is where you can work on your “Blue Pill” methods for marriage improvement. By “Blue Pill” I am referring to the tactics in famed marriage counselor John Gottman’s methodology. The Gottman Method is based on observation of successful couples and [I have done several videos describing his methods and effectively “Red Pilling” Gottman]( https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL1lJ9Z9nTem6s7xDdDcTmRqS7GJZO-JKm) but his strategies definitely work if applied at the right time and in the right situation: **THE GOTTMAN METHOD** 1. Build love maps by exploring your partners inner world. Be interested in her history and her life story. I always ask my guys: Why did you marry this woman? I remind them how entertaining her drama really is- and was earlier in the relationship. You remember that time when you were having sex 5 times a week. They just might be related! 2. Share fondness, appreciation and admiration/avoid the 4 horsemen of the divorce apocalypse: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness and Stonewalling- by expressing and feeling appreciation and respect. 3. Turn towards your woman instead of turning away. 4. Be positive. 5. Assume good intentions. 6. Avoid harsh startups to conversations. 7. Use “I” words and not “You” words: “I want us to get along better” vs. “You stop being a bitch.” 8. For guys, one leadership strategy is that when possible use “Us” and “We” words instead of “I” words and use them authoritatively and directionally. Make it about you and her against the world: “We are going on vacation in February to Florida” vs. “I am going on vacation.” 6. Be sensitive to Bids for attention from your partner and regular offer bids for attention from you to her. aka- reset every 24 hours. In contrast, to the typical marriage counselor’s beta-ization program, the Red Pill prescription offers an Alpha up program with some of the following tactics: **RED PILL TACTICS** 1. Dread Game: Be a man with options. 2. Outcome independence: Sex is great and you want it- but you don’t NEED it, at least from her. It’s like asking a girl to dance. If you walk up to her shivering and stuttering “would you, would you like, uhmmm, you know, ummm, to dance with me” then it is not going to work all that well. If you walk up to her and take her hand with a confident “let’s dance” your chances are much, much higher. Now, how do you suppose the girl reacts when you start whining and crying when she says “no.” Yes, it works the same way in marriage. It is a gigantic turn off. Don’t do it. 3. DNGAF: The key to Outcome Independence- and the key to happiness in life. Just don’t give a fuck. 4. STFU: The key to most men having a happy marriage. They talk and talk, just like the marriage counselors recommend and their balance is tipped HEAVILY to the Beta. They do this when their balance is ALREADY tipped heavily to the Beta. If they just shut up, it tips the balance over to the Alpha. Yes, it really is that simple. 5. Be attractive, don’t be unattractive: The ultimate key to vaginal access and fulfillment right their guys. The problem is that we need Red Pill to determine what women actually find attractive (Hint: It’s not begging, whining, desperate, or angry). This includes lifting weights, and not being a filthy slob or lazy troll. Not really a high bar these days. 6. Lead her to a better place. If a woman will follow your direction, in most cases she will be more than happy to screw you on demand. If she won’t follow your direction then you need to work on your leadership- or work on finding better followers. 7. Understand Seduction and Kino: Instigate, Isolate, Escalate, using touch to get your woman used to being touched by you and ready for sex with you. **WHAT IF YOU ARE OUT OF BALANCE?** If you have gone a bit Rambo towards the Red Pill side then the sex is probably improved and you are probably motivated to become even more “Red Pill.” However, if she is increasingly avoiding you or acting bitchy and/or sullen when you are around, then you may just need some more warmth and compassion in your marriage- blue pill style! Study up on Gottman and work on your “sound relationship house” before going any further. Take her in your arms and whisper sweet nothings in her ear. Then bend her over and take her like a cave man. TLDR: If you are too Beta as evidenced by a low sex/low desire marriage then add some Alpha but decrease the Beta sparingly. If you are too Alpha, as evidenced by a somewhat high sex/high desire marriage but the woman is still acting frustrated and angry (and probably whining about your narcissism) then add some Gottman style “Beta.” If you need any help with these concepts and straightening out your marriage then get in contact with me. I am having ridiculous levels of success helping guys, and women, restore their marriages. It’s not that I am so good it’s that what I do is based on the reality where we all live, and not the fantasy world we learned in graduate school. Edit: New Video, same ideas, better audio. Dr. Dave Peters, JD, MS, PHD Board Certified Life Coach Candidate; Attorney at Law; Domestic Relations Mediator Web: www.coaching4men.com Email: dave@coaching4men.com",,58,RedPillCoach,2020-01-07 21:29:57 marriedredpill,el8s8z,"Own Your Shit Weekly - January 07, 2020","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,24,AutoModerator,2020-01-07 08:24:30 marriedredpill,ekkilx,"MAP and Mission: Micro vs. Macro, and Common Mistakes Guys Make In The Beginning","The following is a description of the potential and often overlooked pitfalls that a man can lead himself down, particularly in the beginning stages of his red pill journey. For what it is worth, commonly said “Don’t Eat Paint”. Game: The art of displaying as high of value as possible, as quickly, seamlessly, and effectively as possible, either willfully/purposely or not/ naturally, by utilizing various tools and methods/ techniques, onto others, in order to accomplish a specific objective or goal. Particularly in regards to inter and intrasexual, workplace, dominance, and/or social dynamics and other hierarchies. For this post, I will relate to game in the sense of intersexual dynamics and the understanding of female nature. I remember the beginning of my Red Pill journey (whatever that means), where I kept reading about the importance of game, the art of learning intersexual dynamics, and observing the world around you “with a newfound Red Pill lens”. However, similar to my former Blue Pill self and the complete lack of awareness of effective intersexual dynamics and female nature, I was completely unaware of the fact that the prioritization of the pursuit of women, in a sense - can lead you down the path of developing a crippling beta mindset, with Red Pill awareness. For most Blue Pill Alphas (which I was prior to my “unplugging”), becoming a Red Pill Beta is literally the complete-and-polar-opposite, and can lead down just as destructive a path as you were previously on, following the Blue Pill ideals of your previous self. For these blue pill alphas, Especially in the beginning stages of learning the sidebar material, It is important to be honest and realize you are in fact blue pill ALPHA and NOT beta in your current circumstances (if that is the case), as well as to then recognize that when embarkiung on your RP journey that you do not over-prioritize improving your sex life to the point where you ultimately accomplish one of the most common pitfalls we see with men in this space; you become beta in the process of trying too hard to adopt more alpha behaviours/qualities. Remember, beta and alpha are placeholder terms with many contextual implications (behaviours, qualities, status, competence, other people perceiving you as beta vs alpha, women perceiving you, etc). However, the only one YOU should ultimately the only be concerned with is that of mindset. This is key because trying to find out if other people view you as alpha is pretty beta to begin with. But you also shouldn’t care. At least, you shouldn’t pursue the beliefs and mindset of a beta because almost always, adopting and utilizing beta qualities, doesn’t serve your best interests with you as your own mental point of origin and the pursuit of your MAP. Therefore, as you learn game, as you learn about female nature, and as you begin to develop your newfound perspective of the world around you with the lens with you as your own mental point of origin, it is vitally important to maintain your mission and MAP as the overall objective and mission, NOT the pursuit of further understanding of, and sex with women. Also, by allowing women to become the mission, or allowing the pursuit of understanding women and trying to fuck them, to become your mission using RP awareness (and the tools game can provide), what can result is something we commonly find in the pickup community and with pua’s - they try focus on women so much, trying to encompass the qualities of of a high value, high SMV man, that they lose sight of their mission, losing their value over time and putting women on a pedestal trying to figure out how produce the qualities and behaviours so that women will fuck them. They become beta in The Pursuit of Trying To Be More Alpha”. On a side note, it’s similar to designing a workout plan. It’s essentially separating the micro from the macro and recognizing/ setting priorities and separating them from the overall direction you’re heading in, which guys can often lose sight of in the early stages of unplugging/ their RP journey. Do not prioritize women, plates, your wife/LTR, anyone. They may or may not be an element of your MAP, but the MAP continues regardless (hence the use of multiple terms here; “the stay play is the same as the go plan”, mental point of origin, MAP, frame, etc.). The point is, to Study game for the tools it provides - but don’t become David and make women into the Goliath in your mind, as you put the rock in the sling (studying game and female nature) to knock Goliath down. This is pedastalization. It would take obsession to training and mindset to knock down such a treacherous beast. But there is no Goliath. There is only a female, who can tend to your sexual needs. A task not-so-biblical in proportions, after all. Game is important, but it is also important (especially in regards to game used in intersexual dynamics), to not prioritize it and take it from being the micro, into the macro of your focus and objectives. Overall, the above is a description of the potential and often overlooked pitfalls that a man can lead himself down, particularly in the beginning stages of his red pill journey. For what it is worth, commonly said “Don’t Eat Paint”. Hope this helps, and would awesome to see some opinions/ further discussion on this topic, to help guys out there with this info.",,22,NeoTheJuanDJ,2020-01-05 22:57:38 marriedredpill,eiaavq,"Happy New Year, Sons-o-Bitches","I think I can sneak this in 'cuz W&S is off eating chowmein and drinking saki and riding rickshaws and fondling cambodian girly-boys. ... Happy-fucking new year's, douches. Remember this: * If you're ""planning to do this"" or ""planning to do that"" or ""waiting for the new year,"" then you're already fucked. You don't need a special day. You don't need a special month. You don't need a special year. And you most certainly don't need to ""wait until monday."" Just start it up. Make a change. Even a small one. Those 1% changes add up over time, even if you might struggle to remember that in the ""here-and-now."" - If, however, it's the end-of-year holidays and you're feeling down, remember this too: * You can get through it, you can choose to get through it, you can put your mind toward getting through it... whatever it may be... even when all the odds are against you, the world is conspiring to fuck with you, and your own mind is saying you can't make it. You can, fuckers, whether it's 2019, 2020, or beyond. You have much strength inside. Day-to-day you forget, but I assure you, it's there when you need it. Hallelujah. p.s. I failed you rpeed. p.s.2. ""I'm a bad mother-fucker.""",,81,johneyapocalypse,2019-12-31 23:03:59 marriedredpill,ei069l,"Own Your Shit Weekly - December 31, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,17,AutoModerator,2019-12-31 08:24:22 marriedredpill,eeyl35,"Own Your Shit Weekly - December 24, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,19,AutoModerator,2019-12-24 08:24:21 marriedredpill,eee13f,Field Report: Lessons in Leadership - The Meatballs," I look for ways to lead my wife into adding more value to my life. This example alone doesn’t mean shit. This is simply a single observation. For the record, a year ago I was getting passionless dread sex. Now I never get it. Before we get started: Now what the fuck does all this mean? I had to rewrite this fucking post because of the autists here that didn’t seem to get it. So let me spell it out for you**:** **If you want your woman to add value to your life, you must give her ways to do so THROUGH YOUR LEADERSHIP.** You must give her side-missions that support your mission. I need to gain weight. Meatballs have protein. Plain spaghetti doesn’t. *Thanks, wife.* Before you autists jump in.... *The meatballs are clearly not the point of this fucking story.* *JFC.* I thought of this story because my wife came up to me tonight and said, “Hey Horns, I’m making meatballs for dinner tonight, *again*.” With a kiss on the cheek and a bicep grab. So here we go, this all happened about a week ago. \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ &#x200B; It has been a long day of running around and getting shit done by everyone, and my wife approached me asking if it was OK if she *just* made spaghetti for dinner. I sensed approval seeking in her voice. Frankly, boring spaghetti sucks. It was a long day, afterall, and I knew that my wife was tired. Instead, I decided to test her. “Do you think you could make meatballs sometime with spaghetti?” I decided a while back my wife added value by preparing good meals. My wife has never made meatballs before. “*Oh, I don’t know Horns.* *It’s late, I still have to go to the grocery store, but if you want to… can you look up a recipe and maybe I’ll try to make it?*” I didn’t catch the compliance test in that statement at first. She was testing me back with my compliance test with a test of her own. *Sly* little girl. After fumbling through cookbooks for about 5 minutes, I caught it. Stopped. Fuck. I need to recover. I told her: *“Oh, it’s ok. If you want to make them some other time, you should find the recipe.* ***I’ll trust you on this one.*** *I have to go take care of some things.”* Why did I say this? By trusting her to complete this task (her task) I implied that this was her opportunity to bring value to the relationship. Either she would do it herself or not. DNGAF. She can choose to add value or not. Dinner time came and the most predictable thing happened – **she had found a recipe herself** and was prepping meatballs to be baked in the oven. Dinner came and they were fantastic! Perfect I might say. I even went for seconds. I’m now hearing the following statements during dinner: * “These weren’t so hard to make, it was really quick!” * “They turned out pretty well didn’t they?” * “I’m so glad they are moist and not hard like rocks!” Why all these statements? **She was seeking my approval.** Trying to figure out if she was good enough and it made *me happy.* I did not satisfy her desire during dinner, because I realized long ago that dishing out praise when warranted is a double-edged sword. Too much praise, and your approval is too easy to obtain. Too little praise, and you risk her feeling worthless. The feminine grows through praise. It left her hamster in suspense of “*Did I do well enough?”*. Take too long and she will test. I’ve discovered this through thousands of failures and successes of tests. Like most faggots that ""get it"" 'round these parts… it comes second nature now. Later that night we went to bed. Before I could even initiate (those meatballs were damn good and I was proud of her)… her hand was already on my cock**.** **Damn, this woman is STILL seeking my approval but now with comfort.** If you’ve read anything I’ve written in the last year, you know that I’ve managed to build this comfort approach with my wife where she now associates sexual desire with comfort. That riled me up into a very heavy initiation of my own. I flipped her over on her belly and forced her down onto the bed. I grabbed her by the arms just above her elbows in the [perfect squatting position](https://cdn.stronglifts.com/wp-content/uploads/squat-elbows.webp) , pinning her upper back against my chest and pulled her back to her knees. I entered her from behind, holding her arms behind her with my hands tightly and fucked her on her knees. Hard. Fast. Her back was [overextended](https://cdn.stronglifts.com/wp-content/uploads/squat-lower-back.webp) (not good for squatting but her tits were out and looked great facing the mirror across the room). As I fucked her from behind, she came quickly, and I shortly thereafter. We both collapsed in the puddle of juices she had dripped onto the sheets below us. I threw her on her side of the bed onto her back and she collapsed trying to catch her breath. In a sheepish voice she said, “*Oh my god, Horns.* *That’s exactly what I needed*.” Of course you did, sweetheart. [I know.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdlRmWd_R7A) She finally had the approval and validation of a man of value that she had *added* value to. I smiled. Her praise was complete, and she was happy. I was happy too. The cycle of mutual gifting was complete. I turned my body over on top of her and ran my fingers along her the sides of her face slowly. [She quivered and sighed.](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/9jr5bx/cuddles_are_required/) Her legs were still shaking. I watched her eyes close, and then open again and she stared into mine. I felt the connection. She felt it too. She started to say something, but I pressed my finger against her lips and said a quiet “Shhhh” to her. “What?” she said, my finger pressed against her lips still. I looked into her deeply and said: **“Thanks for the meatballs, babe.”** \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ **CONCLUSION** You must give your woman opportunities to succeed in small ways everyday, or she will become *bored* with you and just go back to what she knows. What have you taught her? In my case before all this realization, this usually manifested itself in my woman furiously cleaning. Or giving me passionless dread sex. Or doing more laundry unnecessarily. Your woman will only add value in ways that you’ve taught her to. What I attempted to do here was lead my wife to a new recipe, a new way to provide a small amount of value to my life so that she remembers that. And guess what? It works, faggots. If you give your wife 100 different ways to do small things, you might forget about them – but I assure you that if you reward her, then the next time her hamster goes wild trying to figure out how she’s going to keep a high value man, she may remember that time she made you meatballs and she was handsomely rewarded. She learned that made you happy, it in turn made her happy, and she benefited in the end as well. It’s all about her feelz in the end. This is also an example of creating the rollercoaster of feelz. Remember – women are generally defined by solipsism. They can only really see into themselves and their benefits subconsciously. If you reward good behavior and praise these things you enjoy, this will grow her femininity in ways that YOU can control and manage… **and lead.** So lead, motherfuckers. Quit expecting your wives to read your mind. That’s a covert contract. Just man the fuck up and tell her what you want. And don’t be like me and miss the compliance test she’ll inevitably throw right back at you as a last ditch effort to test if you’re a man worth putting effort into. **Do you want some practicality to this post, you autistic faggots?** Lead your wife by telling her exactly how you want her to suck your cock. Praise her every time she tries to do what you tell her to. Feed her ego. Praise, praise, praise. Before long you’ll have a woman that not only knows how to suck dick well, but she’ll also know how to suck your dick exactly the way you like it! Want to blow a load on her face? Tell her how hot it is. Tell her how you love to see it. Tell her to spit on it. ""Oh god, you are so hot. Spit on it MORE."" Praise the things you want even when they aren't praiseworthy. Praise, praise, praise. Strength, motherfuckers.",,60,HornsOfApathy,2019-12-23 02:14:53 marriedredpill,ecc508,Can You Keep A Secret? A Primer On Power,"Can you keep a fucking secret? That's not a rhetorical question. When you tell no one about your plans, you eliminate your chance for external validation. That is a great first step for the newly unplugged man. We quickly learn that our domain is action, not words, and begin making large scale changes without a lot of talking. Actions without words create secrets by default. This is good, because we're likely to make a lot of mistakes, and our frame might not withstand much criticism even when we are succeeding. But what's next? Self-validation is healthy, and STFU is good advice to follow - but even those rules will be displaced as you become your own mental point of origin. A high value man with an indomitable frame may not care about secrets, and that freedom is our end goal. While that frame is being built, there are good reasons for the developing man to keep his mouth shut. Learn to keep small secrets now, because they will be greater in your future. Realizations about your own frame, your plans to fire your boss, your next BJJ belt, your mission. Maybe you have goals that are so grand, you don’t dare speak them out loud *yet*. Learn to keep secrets because you are *The Natural* \- the kind of man who just *gets it*. ""How is he owning his shit at home, killing it at work and still waking up at 5? Why does it seem like things are *just working* for him?"" Like a jacked Gandalf, you pull good things out of nowhere. It will seem like magic to others - because they will see your results, but none of your effort. **Secret #1: Fight Club** 48 Laws of Power, [Law 30](http://www.elffers.com/low/laws/law30.html): Make your Accomplishments Seem Effortless >“Your actions must seem natural and executed with ease. ..When you act, act effortlessly, as if you could do much more.” One of the first things you learn in the [sidebar](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/acvzgx/steels_guide_to_married_red_pill/) is to STFU about Fight Club. Maybe you mistakenly followed the advice in NMMNG and told your spouse about the book. Maybe your wife found your Reddit account. It’s still not too late for your personal progress to be kept secret. Remember that most people aren’t capable of making large changes and maintaining them, especially in silence. If you’ve been [Owning Your Shit](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/ebt4yl/own_your_shit_weekly_december_17_2019/) for 90 days, you’ve kept a habit longer than most people - your wife included. But once you’ve been working your MAP for a year without stopping? Or you celebrate 18 months of passing shit tests, or two years of going to the gym regularly? 99% of the people in your life won’t be able to fathom that kind of commitment. You should be a man who has his shit together, as though it comes naturally to him. As though it always has. The guys in OYS know that your progress has only been made through blood, sweat, tears and a little cum, but why does anyone else need to know that? Your wife doesn’t care *how* you’re finally learning to be a man - it may as well be magic. Why would you tell her otherwise? When you tell other men about your personal lessons, you may be casting your pearls before swine. That’s not an insult against Blue Pill men; it’s advice that you shouldn’t dispense your powerful secrets to those who won't understand their value. Law Of Power 30, Continued: >“Your actions…(and) all the toil and practice that go into them, and also all the clever tricks, must be concealed.... Avoid the temptation of revealing how hard you work - it only raises questions.” Use headphones when you’re practicing the guitar in your basement. Don’t tell randoms about your crazy effort at the gym. Tell none of your friends about your new side hustle idea, until the business has been registered for 6 months and you’ve landed your first client. One day people will notice that, when they weren't watching, you got your shit together (you're probably more attractive too, which doesn't hurt). Don't ruin it by blabbing about all your hard work to get here - keep the wizard behind the curtain. Act like you didn't read this in a book, because it’s true - you're a natural. This is just how you are, right? *Damn* your wife is a lucky woman. **Secret #2: Your Defense, Explanation, Excuse and Rationalization (DEER)** [Law 9](http://www.elffers.com/low/laws/law9.html): Win Through Your Actions, Never Through Argument I have had the perfect excuse, a really valid justification for my actions. It would have disarmed the other person, and lessened the sting of their criticism. But I didn’t offer it up - not now, and not 6 months from now. There are good explanations that I’ll carry to my grave. Why? Because defending myself is *weak*, even when it’s *true*. Whatever bullshit you would have normally spewed to lessen the conflict, or reduce the sting of disappointment in their eyes - you never say it. Don’t assume that because the other person has stopped talking, you must speak more. The awkward silence you create will speak more about your frame than your last 10 OYS posts. Every time you *don’t* DEER (to your spouse, your coworker, u/SBIII, your son/daughter, your parent, your plate) your frame grows a little stronger. **Secret #3: Your Plans** [Law 3](http://www.elffers.com/low/start/index2.html): Conceal Your Intentions As a man, *you should be capable of making drastic changes to yourself without telling anyone* about it before, during, or after. You know that guy at your office: he’s constantly announcing his intentions to join his next gym, ask out that pretty girl he’s friend zoned, or get his motorcycle license. Did you notice that he never commits to anything longer than 30 days? His gym membership is unused, he never got the motorcycle, he won’t talk to the girl, and all for the same reason: He already received his pleasure from the goal by talking about it. Talking about your goals before you start them might make you [less likely to achieve them](https://www.inc.com/melissa-chu/announcing-your-goals-makes-you-less-likely-to-ach.html). This was certainly the case for me. It feels good to announce goals, and receive validation for them (from your wife, your friends, or MRP). But that is taking pleasure now, at the expense of delayed gratification later. We need that delayed gratification, because it is the foundation for virtuous habits - the good things we do every day to make our future better than our present. [Law 6](http://www.elffers.com/low/laws/law6.html): Create An Air Of Mystery You should absolutely be going to the gym *but no one should hear about it from you*. Instead, let them notice your arms that magically appear next summer. The magician knows that the only “magic” is lifting hard and eating right, but explanations aren’t sexy. You should absolutely be riding a motorcycle - but let people find out when you arrive on your Harley. Don’t show anyone that you learned 3 chords on your Fender; let them see you on stage (“I didn’t know he played guitar!”) as the wet spot forms in their panties. Are you seeing the pattern? You make a commitment, tell no one, and start grinding. For new guys: *This is the way to earn your own approval*, which is a necessary replacement for the validation you formerly sought from others. Do it once and feel badass. Do it twice, and you’ll find that your own approval is worth more than the approval of your wife. Once you know that you can take a mission from inception to completion entirely in secret, then *telling others about your plans becomes a powerful invitation.* You’re no longer sharing a goal with the hope that it will succeed - now you’re bringing someone else on the journey with you. You’re a proven entity now, because you’ve done it before, alone. Don’t be transparent by announcing your plans to everyone, especially to those who don’t matter. Leave them wondering: “I wonder what else he’s up to?” while accomplishing your goals in secret. **Secret 4: Your Journal** Dear diary, Diaries are fucking gay. You keep a record of your lifts at the gym to show progress, to keep yourself accountable, and because you’ll forget. You take pictures to compare the progress you’ve made on your physique. Why wouldn’t you do the same with the progress in your frame? **If you are not keeping some kind of journal, you are missing out**. Your journal does not care about your day or your crush. This journal is for YOU to selfishly grow in two ways: *Writing That Shit Now* and *Reading That Shit Later.* As an added benefit, the practice of keeping a journal should make your OYS posts shorter, better and easier to read (or maybe that’s just wishful thinking on my part). Write about your failures. Write about how your frame is making your life different. Notice what you’re grateful for, and write it down. Be honest about what you did that makes you cringe with embarrassment, be honest about what keeps you awake at night. Write it down. You might surprise yourself with new connections that you hadn’t put together before, and you’ll remember a lot more of what you write. You’ll find you write about important things, especially if you make this a habit. Reading my journal from the past is like passing cheat codes into my own future. I realize things like: ""I used to struggle with that? That’s weak. What am I struggling with now, that might seem easy in the future?"" ""Many of my desires have not changed in years - maybe I should seek out those things as being meaningful to me. Maybe those desires aren’t as shallow as I thought.” ""Where I am today is far from perfect, but *damn* I have so much gratitude for how far I've come."" ""I completely forgot this part! I had to work really hard to make that a habit, now it's automatic. That's why systems are so important - I can do that again."" ""There is no way I could have handled my current situation with that old frame."" ""LOL I had oneitis for that girl like a faggot. Now I barely remember her name."" It may be helpful to read your own journal like it was the biography of someone else. See the past years and realize: you've had little gains, incremental wins, and the audacity to wake up every day. You’ve journaled through hard times. Maybe some of those times were so hard that you never quite recovered the same way. Maybe now you're a different kind of beast with scars because of it. Listen to your story objectively and realize you're still here - with more successes than failures, if you're being honest. Read your own words from two years ago and think: If I saw someone else make it through all that shit, wouldn't I believe that they are going to succeed in the future? What advice would I give that person, if they wanted my advice and I cared about them? Now, give that advice to yourself. *That* is a secret worth keeping in a journal. **Secret 5: Your Successes and Your Failures** [Law 4](http://www.elffers.com/low/laws/law4.html): Always Say Less Than Necessary >“Powerful people impress and intimidate by saying less.” In my former life, I would tell Mrs Barracuda about my bad days at work. I would have defended it as ""healthy communication"" so that we could “solve problems together”. It was actually ""me seeking sympathy and agreement"" about my ""whining, stressed frame."" I would tell her about my good days, too - seeking a little acknowledgement from mommy for doing a good job. I was ruining any chance I had of being perceived as a guy who ""just gets it"". Saying these things made me appear weak, so I stopped. When my wife asks about my day, regardless of what happened at the office: “It was good!” And I mean it. [If - by Rudyard Kipling](https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/46473/if---) (excerpt, emphasis mine) >If you can make one heap of all your winnings > >And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, > >And lose, and start again at your beginnings > >And *never breathe a word about your loss*; > >...If you can fill the unforgiving minute > >With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,    > >Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,    > >And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son! We all fail. When we’re growing, we might fail even more. Do you wallow in your failures, inviting others to celebrate your pity and blame outside forces? Or do you weaponize failure as your own secret source of power? I remember why I failed last time. When the opportunity presents itself again, I’ll make a different choice, because *I want a different outcome.* This motivation is stronger than shame, it’s my own endless desire to be better. Next time, I won’t fail to ask for the sale, to dance with the girl, or to stand up to my boss. **Secret 6: The Good, Upstanding, Virtuous Shit You Do All The Time** It needed to be fixed, so you fixed it. Your wife forgot to restock that important thing, so you did it without a word. That guy who needed lunch, the flat tire on your daughter’s car, and that bill that would have become a collection. You took care of it all, and no one noticed, and you’re fine with that. This is exactly the type of accountability that will make your wife think you have magic powers - but you’re not doing any of this for her. You’re a high value man who takes care of the necessary things in *his universe,* and that puts you in a better position to do more for yourself and others. You’re living by your own standards these days, right? [Law 38](http://www.elffers.com/low/start/index2.html): Think As You Will But Behave Like Others >“If you make a show of going against the times, flaunting your unconventional ideas and unorthodox ways, people will think that you only want attention and that you look down upon them. They will find a way to punish you for making them feel inferior. It is far safer to blend in and nurture the common touch. Share your originality only with tolerant friends\*.” \* *or intolerant misogynist strangers* You’re becoming a man of quiet power, and you’re giving from a place of abundance. In fact, you may be giving far greater gifts than lunches and errands - but you don’t need to tell that to anyone. The silent gratitude you have for your own life is more valuable than the desire to share your secrets with others. **Conclusion** Become a high value man whose massive frame doesn't care about secrets. On your way there, leverage those secrets to your advantage. Don't reveal the source of your magic powers, and don't brag about your efforts. When you share with your inner circle, do it wisely. Stop saying things that make you appear weak, and consolidate power by controlling your own mouth first.",,490,BarracudaRP,2019-12-18 12:43:40 marriedredpill,ebt4yl,"Own Your Shit Weekly - December 17, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,22,AutoModerator,2019-12-17 08:24:24 marriedredpill,e9qgqw,External and Internal Abundance,"Having an abundance mentality gets a lot of discussion on MRP. And it should; it is one of the cornerstones of a strong frame. You can't be outcome independent when trying for sex if this is your One Shot and you're desperate for success. Day one shit. But I've seen a lot of guys-especially newer guys like me-not realize that there are really two kinds of abundance. There is the abundance that comes from knowing you can go down to the local dive bar and end up with some ONS, or lock down a new LTR if that's your thing. This abundance is great for quenching that fear of the relationship falling apart. It lets you respond with actual indifference to threats and run higher levels of dread. It lets you kill the puppy, if you have to. But there is also abundance within the relationship: literally, is sex within your LTR happening frequently. Are you likely to get shot down if you initiate? Is the sex likely to be good, or starfish? *Is getting sex easy enough that you can be lighthearted and fun about it?* Missing either level of abundance wreaks havoc on your relationship. We all know what missing external abundance does. You put your wife up there on a pedestal because she's the only pussy you'll ever get, start acting like a good little beta, and watch as her pussy dries up into oblivion. There's no abuse you won't tolerate and rationalize, and your wife hates you for it. But when you miss internal abundance, you lack the ability to be OI with sexual initiation. When you've saved up three months worth of betabux and nagged your wife into scheduling some Wednesday night duty sex, and she is ""sick"" or ""tired"" and you go angry jerk off in the bathroom, it sucks. And even if you aren't a total faggot and manage to play it off like you don't care, you're still just acting, because you do fucking care. And your wife can tell, and the bitterness just puts more pressure on her to meet your covert contracts and dries her up even more. Having solid external abundance actually makes the lack of internal abundance more bitter. You think, ""fuck you, bitch, there's three women I know who would fuck me *right now* and you're acting offended that I tried to get inside your size 15 granny panties."" And long term, you either cheat or leave, because you're tired of not eating ramen when there's steak across the street. But when you have internal abundance? That bitterness goes right away. If your wife is ""too tired"" for sex, but you've fucked the previous four nights and will probably fuck tomorrow, you won't give a shit. And you won't be acting, you'll just know that you can get it when you want it, so not getting it right now doesn't matter. And like external abundance snowballs on itself (abundance -> more confidence ->more abundance), internal abundance does the same thing (abundance -> OI -> better sex -> more abundance). Internal abundance without external abundance is unstable. It leads to putting the pussy on a pedestal and all but guarantees that the internal abundance dries up. External abundance without internal abundance leads to bitterness and eventually kills the relationship. *This is why, when starting out, you fuck your wife every chance you get*. If you are having regular sex, one off night doesn't send you back into a validation spiral or beta puke. You have to create the sense of abundance within the relationship that you are creating outside of it. Or else the babysitter ends up pregnant.",,64,Balls_Wellington_,2019-12-12 17:16:58 marriedredpill,e9e9bp,Stop Hamstering that your Wife is Nuts,"There are a lot of faggots on here that hamster about their BPD, NPD, depressed, anxious, bipolar, schizophrenic, etc wife. I know I’ve done it… a lot. But… **She’s Probably Not Fucking Nuts** Very likely your wife is not nuts. There may be crazy *things* she does but that does not make her crazy. I used to think my wife had BPD or NPD… until about two months ago. I was told by lots of people – my family, some of her family, her ex-friends, my friends, hell my therapist, WebMd, etc. that she was. I believe all women are capable of crazy things if not constrained by *something*. The more feminine the woman, the crazier the emotions – both good and bad. And you *want* this – you want a woman who is emotional and feminine, but you *must* be strong enough to handle these storms. Because… **The Problem is You** You know what the problem was the whole fucking time? Me. I *was* the crazy one, for a long time. What a fucking faggot I was – at one point she had to barricade herself in our bedroom and I got a stick to try and knock to the side the chair that was blocking the door. Then I found MRP and went crazy Rambo and fucked up with overt dread and leaving a path of destruction behind. Then I refused to accept the nature of the feminine with emotion and tried to command her out of her moods (literally: “You stop being mad now”). Autistic as fuck. If you think she’s a nutcase, first look in the mirror. Do you do crazy shit? Do you not understand that she’s going to live in constant emotion? You can guide that emotion, but you cannot command it. My wife told me once “I’m a strong woman and need a strong man who can handle me” and she’s fucking right. 98% of the Time You’re the Problem, but even if she really has a mental issue… **We Don’t Fucking Care** So you have a diagnosis… what does this change for you and your MAP (you better have one)? Absolutely fucking nothing. Look at [this series](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/asqi8r/depressive_and_anxious_wives_how_its_all_your/) by /u/HornsOfApathy for proof. All you’re doing when you write/think/say “my wife is nuts because of X” is making an excuse for not having the relationship you want. You’re saying “see guys, I’m fine, I’m high value. It’s my wife though, she’s crazy so it’s HER fault that I fail/can’t set boundaries/have no social life/go Rambo/cheated/can’t get divorced/am getting divorced/fucked the babysitter”. **It’s NEVER her fault, it’s ALWAYS yours.** YOU fail at setting boundaries. YOU fail at being the oak YOU fail because you’re the crazy one and project it on your wife YOU fail because you’re a faggot YOU fail because you didn’t vet properly YOU fail because you didn’t eject sooner YOU fail because you’re scared of her At the end of the day, are you attractive? Are you high value? Are you owning your shit? Are you willing to burn everything to the ground to get what you want? Are you truly DNGAF? If you can’t answer a definitive “yes” to all of these, then keep grinding, and don’t do stupid shit. It doesn’t matter if she’s crazy or not. *Caveat: Of course if she does something REALLY INSANE – pulls a gun/knife/tries to kill you, etc. then you need to call the fucking cops and exit immediately even if you’re a fat faggot who can’t lift the bar.* **Next Time** Next time you think your wife is crazy – look inward at your actions. * What are you doing that can be different? * Could you set a boundary (and be capable of enforcing it)? * Are you having [verbal intercourse because you can't STFU](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3qm961/verbal_intercourse_is_optional/)? * [Are you showing your emotions like a man](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/5ntc44/expressing_emotions_like_a_man/) and then exiting the situation? * The only person you can control is yourself – so start doing it. Start owning your shit here and stop blaming your ""crazy"" wife. I've gone from 1-3 ""crazy"" things a week to 0... because *I* changed *MY* behavior. It's not what she's doing, it's what YOU'RE doing.",,111,[deleted],2019-12-11 22:20:27 marriedredpill,e8nywy,"Own Your Shit Weekly - December 10, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,24,AutoModerator,2019-12-10 08:24:29 marriedredpill,e849no,Your Wife Is Not Your Mission,"This is not new information, this is MRP 101. Most of the newcomers here still need to read this. **Your wife is not your Mission. Your Mission is your Mission.** What do I mean? I mean that if we were to sort your thoughts by category in terms of time spent, many of you would have your wife as #1 or #2. You guys simply spend too much time thinking, worrying, guessing, complaining, resenting, etc. about your wife. Take your focus off of her and put it on your Mission. Your Mission and the small steps you take to execute on it should take up almost all of your focus. &#x200B; *~~How to be a Faggot~~* *Signs You Are Too Focused On Your Wife* Why shouldn't you spend so much time thinking about her? Here's why. If you are focused on her… 1. Then she knows she is the prize, not you. 2. Then you don’t have goals bigger than sex or a “peaceful” home. 3. Your frame is guaranteed to be paper thin. 4. Your life is boring. 5. You are needy. 6. You are weak. 7. It’s unattractive. 8. You are literally drying her vagina out. There’s more but you should get the point by now. Ignore the Disney / romcom / Twilight nonsense where a guy wins the girl via his undying devotion. That’s emotional spankbank stuff for young women who don’t know what they really desire. Women don’t want your undying devotion / affection for more than about 6 minutes, and even then only if you are attractive. &#x200B; *She Wants To Be On An Adventure, Not The Main Attraction* Your wife wants you to be a man on a mission which pulls her and the family in a positive, fun direction. She wants to be a part of the adventure, the hot damsel clinging on the buff guy’s arm, not the treasure at the end. Why? Because if she is the treasure, then the movie is over when the hero gets her. That’s boring and limiting. However, if the hero merely has her as part of the team, then she knows there’s always more around the corner. Plus, she knows all her own shortcomings. She knows that she really isn't all that great so someone who is willing to settle for her as the capstone of his life must not be that great himself. Ironically, that means he's not even worthy of her. &#x200B; *~~Incel Fantasy 101~~* *The Sexbot* Here’s a different way to approach it. Recognize that, as a man, you are wired to appreciate feminine submission far more than a woman is wired to appreciate masculine submission. So picture the hottest girl you know, in real life or media. Imagine she is 100% into you and will do whatever you want. Any sex act, with complete passion. She is completely yours. The only downside is that she is also incredibly needy. She calls you all the fucking time. Blows up your phone. Tells you what she ate and how much she worked out. Asks your opinion on everything and gets extremely emotional if you don’t cater to her every whim, fantasy, and emotion. And it doesn’t stop. 24-7-365. How does that sound? To me, it sounds fun for about 3 orgasms and then she’s gone. But that’s how at least half of the new faggots around here sound when they come in, moaning about their wife and how bitchy / cunty / mean she is. They do everything for her, cater to her 100%, and she's still a shrew. Of course she is. They are an overly needy faggot. And it’s 100x worse than the fictional sexbot situation above because a) women are naturally repulsed by needy behavior and b) these newbies aren’t attractive. The analogy isn't even apples and oranges, it's apples and hand grenades. &#x200B; *~~Faggotry 101~~* *Wives as the Mission* Here are some examples of how men make their wives their mission. 1. They spend too much time thinking about how she feels or how she will react (or how she did react) to certain events. 2. They have a need to run their schedule past their wife before executing (can I go out with the boys Friday night). 3. They think their lives would be radically improved if their wife was horny and happy. 4. Their own mood is affected significantly by how their wife treats them. 5. Their own self-image is affected significantly by how their wife treats them. 6. They need validation and approval from their wive in terms of sex (quantity, quality, certain acts, etc.) or other forms of affection (compliments, etc.). There are others but these examples are recent to this sub. &#x200B; *How to* *Get a Mission* Maybe this is striking a chord with you. If so, here’s my recommended next step. Grab a pen and write all this down. 1. Admit to yourself that you have made her your Mission. 2. List examples of how you currently make her your Mission. 3. Brainstorm on some better Missions (include a brief Why on why that Mission is important to you). 4. Pick the top 2-3 Missions and merge them into one, usually by broadening the terms. 5. Write out what it looks like to achieve that Mission. Quantify that shit. 6. Put those quantifications into a time line (i.e. I will have $2M in the bank by age 43). 7. Make time oriented subgoals that support these bigger goals and then back into yearly, monthly, and weekly targets to hit your goals. 8. Put it all on your Calendar. 9. Grind Daily. On your Mission, it should touch every area of your life. Fitness. Social activity. Charity. Finances. Family. Legacy. Personal Improvement. Spirituality. Hobbies / Skills. If you have areas of your life that are important to you that aren’t touched by whatever Mission you come up with, then your Mission is too small or too narrow. Broaden it to where you can reasonably say that everything you are doing fits into that Mission. &#x200B; *Zero Sum Calendar* If you want to get really focused, then fill your calendar for one week with zero sum. That means schedule every 30 minutes to be filled from Sunday when you wake up to Saturday when you go to sleep. Driving, work (broken down into projects, if possible), all of it. Then see if you really want to spend 6 hours on Saturday watching TV or 14 hours across the week playing Call of Duty. Do those support your Mission? &#x200B; *I’ve Talked Long Enough* Here are some closing thoughts. Life is tough. Life throws you curve balls. Cancer happens. Carwrecks happen. The universe can be cruel. We can’t control anything during our lives except how we choose to face each day. With that in mind, if you are set on your mission, then you will be better positioned to endure/overcome when the inevitable shitstorms of life pop up. Godspeed.",,203,HeckleandChide,2019-12-09 03:28:22 marriedredpill,e5e441,"Own Your Shit Weekly - December 03, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,22,AutoModerator,2019-12-03 08:24:22 marriedredpill,e1v2tb,"Own Your Shit Weekly - November 26, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,23,AutoModerator,2019-11-26 08:24:22 marriedredpill,dzw6yc,[FR] Training Day,"A FR inspired by u/HornsOfApathy's [Depressed and Anxious Wives](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/dsrito/depressive_and_anxious_wives_the_power_of_your/) series: For my whole life, I've given up my power in sex. The women I have been with were always giving me an orgasm, every time, every encounter. That was my sole focus and mentality during those times: taking from the woman. I might give them orgasms too, but it was only validation-seeking and covert contracts for reciprocation. Society supports this supplicating, powerless view for men and, even if a man has high SMV and may have practiced RP for years, it's easy to see how he can remain stuck in this mentality in regards to his sexuality. Recently, I've been rethinking my default mentality. After a lot of reflection, I decided to change my mindset on this and instead view every interaction with women (and really people in general) as a gift. That's the true meaning behind ""be the prize."" My sexuality is a gift, my time is a gift, my presence, knowledge, wit, even my gaze and words are gifts. I'm training myself to embody this mindset, and by proxy those around me are being trained on how they fit into it, Surely such a seismic shift in mentality will require retraining of my wife to receive my gifts instead of me taking from her. After 16 years of shitty, selfish sex with me, this is going to be a really difficult transition for her to accept and understand for sure. Allow me to take you back to a recent night... After the kids go to bed, the wife and I usually spend 30-60 minutes talking about the day, etc. It's usually time I'd rather give to more sexual activities, so this time I mixed it up. While we were talking, I put her hand on my dick. I had her play with it while the conversation continued normally. There was no resistance and it didn't even seem strange to either of us - I just led her to it and she complied. It created this duality that was new and interesting to our normal routine which started to turn us both on. As she decompressed her stress from the day and I remained the oak, I escalated with her and brought her to orgasm. I wanted to do it and I did it from a place of strength, from a place of giving myself to her. There were no contracts and there was no validation to be gained. I felt in total control and could sense the absence of the normal resistance she usually has to most sexual acts (with me). When it came time for reciprocation, I told her I'm letting it build up until tomorrow. I told her this firmly and with confidence. ""Sounds like a challenge,"" is what I get back. I love when she's feisty. We proceed to play together for an hour and had lots of fun. I never came because I decided I wasn't going to. You know what? Ejaculating is not required for a satisfying sexual experience, IF you are in control and you are the one giving your sexual energy instead of trying to syphon off your partner's like a faggot. My wife remained sweet and submissive as she had been all day, happy in her feminine role. It's a natural state for women around a man who leads them. It's the way things were meant to be. The session ended the same way it started, with a normal conversation as if nothing abnormal happened. That's because, from an evolutionary perspective, there was nothing abnormal about it. What's abnormal, and fatal in an evolutionary sense, is a man bringing needy, validation-seeking energy to sex or any other experience he has. The real training was tolerating my shit mentality for 16 years; transitioning to the way it should have always been required no training at all.",,56,PillUpAss,2019-11-22 04:57:36 marriedredpill,dzq57u,On being a better man,"I came to fix my relationship and I learnt how to be a better man. I now see that where motherhood makes a girl a woman the same is not true for men, and we need a kick in the ass to grown the fuck up. Getting too fat, being cheated on or realising those IOI looks are actually IODI looks (i.e. dis-interest), are the kick you need; you should be grateful you finally got the message, motherfucker. The regulars here keep handing out that message fyi. MRP for me is now \~30 - 40% about relationship and sex and the rest is all benefits to the rest of my life. Physical health, career, wealth, confidence, bravery - it all goes together, and as you know it is this stuff that leads to the solution to the problems that brought you here. One of my favourite side effects of this process is the impact i have had on my two boys - they look up to me anyway but now i am a better version. Both of them strive to be strong and confident, both of them at 8 and 6 have the attention of the girls at school. I gently tease them but we both secretly know that little dude muscles on the side of a tank top and an aloof attitude is getting them that attention. Those same little dude muscles get ME that attention from the mum's too. In short, basically everyone in your family and everyone you know wants you to be that man you could be. This is not intended as a long post, so my message is its time to grow the fuck up. Stop blaming her, stop blaming the world. Be the man you want your sons to be (or daughters to marry). Watch the doors open in all avenues of your life once you get your shit together. End Rant.",,95,simbarlion,2019-11-21 21:18:28 marriedredpill,dzkxdm,Grandpa Easy's Guide to Giving Thanks,"**Background:** Thanksgiving and other Holiday celebrations are coming. I'm sure we're all doing the right thing. Taking the lead and making sure shit gets done in preparation. /u/reddreng posted something related to this in his OYS this week. >Took the lead on getting the house and backyard ready, and neither of us have ever done a turkey before, so will figure that one out too. Coordinating with my friends on what to bring. It reminded me of my own role coming up next week and led me to thinking about sharing a time honored tradition from my family that you gents can use at your own gatherings. As far back as anyone can remember in my family, the patriarch at the time led us in sharing what we were grateful for at Thanksgiving. That in itself is not overly special. Looking back now with RP eyes however, I can see ***HOW*** my grandfather and great-grandfather really leveraged the hilt out of being the AMOG in those situations and anyone following their process could do the same thing. Rather than just post this as a reply in /u/reddreng's OYS ... I'm going to use his gathering as the example here and give the rest of you guys the chance to leverage at as well. Using this approach you will: * Be setting expectations in advance on something to be done. * Go first, leading in front of a group of people. * Be setting an example. People will see demonstrated in front of them, how they should behave. * Cast a positive Frame on the gathering and be inviting other people to join you in it. * Demonstrate a character of generosity and magnanimity with those who are present. * Invite your wife to assist you in a way that elevates her among her peer group. * Generate Big Tingles ... &#x200B; **Execution:** Tell the people who are coming that each person will be expected to share one thing (just one) that they are grateful for that's happened over the previous year. They should be thinking about it ahead of time and keep it short. Let them know you will start that time by sharing what you are grateful for. It's generally best to start after eating is done so that everyone is fed and there's no distractions. Once the moment is right, here's how it will go ... You will start by sharing something like, ""I'm grateful for our new baby. I was concerned about her being born several weeks early but she's fine now and is the light of our lives."" If you take less than a minute, everyone else will generally take less than a minute. Keep your moment SHORT but even more important... make sure it's absolutely ***authentic***. A moment like that among friends and family is bonding. Next, ask your wife to share. She should join you in keeping it short and authentic. At that point most people will get the hint on how they should act. When your wife is done, you invite someone else to share. You are controlling the decision making on who gets to speak. **Important** \- Ahead of time - share with your wife your concern that some folks may talk a long time or get off track. Ask her to help you by being sensitive to when those moments are happening and stepping in to politely wrap those moments up. You can give her a look when it feels like things are dragging. Women are generally better at this type of thing than guys and you're giving her a role to play in the process. When she does well (she will), be sure to smile and nod. Reward her for helping. Be sure to thank each person after they share. Your approval and generosity sets you up as even more of a leader. Regarding kids. Do NOT underestimate how important it is for children of all ages to participate. If you are setting the right tone, they will want to share their thoughts as well. Do not force them to do it. If they decline, that's fine. If they do, however ... it can be some of the most powerful moments you will experience. Kids are nothing BUT authentic. They will absolutely set the bar on being real. If they are seeing true gratitude being expressed ... they will follow that lead. A few years ago during our sharing time my son shared how grateful he was for how hard his mother and I were working to take care of our family. It was during a moment of extreme financial pressure for us and both my wife and I were concerned that the kids were upset. It was impossible for our kids to not know what was going on ... so we did our best to manage what happened and keep things moving in a positive direction. Hearing my son express his thankfulness made all the sleepless nights, and ass dragging days worth it. It also bonded our whole extended family together. Everyone knew the situation we were in and of course all the aunts, uncles and grandparents were concerned for the kids as well. Hearing the words my boy shared ... brought relief to everyone in the room and gave him a relief valve for some of the emotions he was feeling himself. Years later, our whole family still refers back to that moment. Allow the process to take time. With 20 people each taking 2 to 3 minutes, it may take an hour to do this. THAT'S OK. You are creating a special moment for everyone there at the dinner. As everyone sees the moment unfolding, if you do your job in setting and managing the tone well (Holding Frame), you will literally watch everyone sink into that moment you created. More than food, you are gathering as friends and family. Creating a moment like this is what the whole dinner is about. It's what life is about. I guarantee the rest of their lives won't be full of moments like this. GIFT them that moment. &#x200B; **Final Notes:** This approach doesn't have to just be limited to Thanksgiving. Any gathering will do. * When someone is retiring at work (and everyone will truly miss them). * Graduation day * A rehearsal dinner * Use your imagination. Feel free to add suggestions in the comments below. Don't eat so much that you're tired. You want to be ready to go after everyone heads home and you get alone time with the wife. Done well, you will have delivered a big bag of AMOG FEELZ. Nuff said. Good luck, fellas.",,47,EasyDaysHardNights,2019-11-21 15:32:49 marriedredpill,dyhnsa,"Own Your Shit Weekly - November 19, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,23,AutoModerator,2019-11-19 08:24:21 marriedredpill,dv756b,"Own Your Shit Weekly - November 12, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,23,AutoModerator,2019-11-12 08:24:21 marriedredpill,duyj0f,Building your slut: Part 1 - Anal,"I am sick of these faggot posts on here. Lets build some fucking men who fucking know how to fuck. You wanna build a slut or two? Lets do that. Part 1 is going to be about, yep you guessed it: **Anal**. So look at you, you fuck your woman. Great. You wanna think you are a D/s with her. Who fucking cares. You want to fuck her shit hole? Great. Here are the steps. LPT: This works better if she wants to actually get fucked in the ass. You have to typically not be a faggot for this to be the case, so go sidebar and be at **1xBW** on all big three at least first. Anal is all about the prep work. Shit comes out of your ass naturally. It doesn’t go in naturally, therefore learning to control the anal sphincter is the whole reason we have to TRAIN this muscle. Step 1 is you have to mentally commit to a 90-120 plan of anal training her AND you. Anal is all about relaxing the muscles and getting use to the feeling. This takes time and effort. Tools you need are an anal training [kit,](https://www.amazon.com/Bantie-Beginner-Silicone-Prostate-Massager/dp/B07FVGSVZH/ref=pd_sbs_121_1/140-3398647-5817051?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=B07FVGSVZH&pd_rd_r=867b3cd4-fa83-4d23-9e2c-e94826f66525&pd_rd_w=UxXpH&pd_rd_wg=R9UeA&pf_rd_p=52b7592c-2dc9-4ac6-84d4-4bda6360045e&pf_rd_r=WQK234G8XHCJQ5HRRB6Q&psc=1&refRID=WQK234G8XHCJQ5HRRB6Q) quality water based [lube](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00QHJJX7Y/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1) and an [enema ball](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07FXVYN2N/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1). You need to get her use to the external stimulation first. The process goes like this: (I am going to assume you are ok with **eating ass**.) If you are not, you might as well stop reading here. You need to first get her comfortable to external stimulation. This includes your tongue and a very wet finger. You need to start doing this every single time you have sex, but under no circumstances do you enter yet. After you have trained the initial reaction of touch away from the area, you are free to start going for insertions. There are two positions I would recommend. Her on her back with her legs up with her hips on the edge of the bed and doggy. Make sure her ass is high and head low. I prefer the back to start. You will be able to see her face, gauge her level of fun and it honestly makes her feel a little less like a whore in that position as well. As you move into insertion training it is important for either you, or her to provide clitoral stimulation via a [wand](https://www.amazon.com/Original-Massager-Wireless-Multi-speed-Vibrations/dp/B010GLZ2NC/ref=sr_1_4?keywords=sex+wand&qid=1573504662&sr=8-4) during this process. It keeps her mind off it and helps her relax. It also builds an Oxytocin connection between pleasure and anal, which will benefit you later. Keeping your nails clean and maintained is critical if you are going to do this. You also need to be prepared to see shit on your finger, and possibly smells as well. This will be fixed later on, as you progress up the ladder to the point of using an enema ball before butt play. The anal trainer kit I linked has one plug that slides over your finger. This will make it feel nice and smooth inside her vs you finger. Lots of lube, and go in slow. DO NOT fuck her ass. The point right now is to just put it in, and hold it. This is going to start training her anal sphincter to not want to clamp down when this happens, which will allow you to move onto more fingers, etc. This process should be done for 3-5 weeks, as often as possible. DO NOT get ahead of yourself and try a bigger plug or your dick. YOU HAVE to invest the time to properly train her sphincter to be able to relax, and allow her brain to build that muscle/brain connection so she can relax it herself. If you are interested in butt play for yourself (you should be) now is the time to start experimenting yourself. Do it to yourself and get used to the sensations. What you feel is basically what sees feels. Being able to empathize and coach her thru the feelings goes along way. Once she is taking that finger like a boss, I move to an actual butt plug. I do not go for multiple fingers yet. The reason plugs are a thing is cause they go in there and sit. Their job is to train the sphincter. At this point I would move onto putting a plug in her and then fucking her vagina. Let her feel the DP sensation, and be prepared to have your mind blown as well. Do this for another 2-3 weeks. At this point she should easily be able to take a finger and a small plug in her with no issues and leave it in there for 10-20 minutes at least. Again, make sure lots of lube! The next phase is to move her to the medium plug. This is where I start to consider using the enema ball to get clean first, as this plug is going to be longer and thicker. You will have to gauge her interest in that. Make sure you use warm water, and again I would highly recommend doing it to yourself first so you understand the process. LPT: As it is inside you and your squeezing the ball to get the water inside you, DO NOT let go of the ball until you take it out. If you do the vacuum in the ball will suck everything out of your ass into the ball and it will be nasty and hurt. Keep the ball compressed until you pull it out. Before you move onto the final plug and/or your dick you need to get the enema part figured out. Getting your shit pushed up hurts, and it will kill all your progress. **NOTE:** NO WHERE in any of this have I said ""fuck her ass"" All you are doing is putting something in there and it stays. We are still training, she is not ready for in/out penetration yet. Once you have gotten to the enema part, and the large plug and we are good there, you can fuck her with it in there, and she can have it inside for 15-20 minutes you are free to go back to fingers and go for two. Now is your chance to ever so slightly ""fuck her"" ass with your fingers. SLOWLY! there should be 1-2cm of movement TOPS. That is about 1/2 the length of your finger between your knuckles. LOTS OF LUBE! By this point, you should be 90-120 days in the process of training her. When you believe she is at her sexual peak of the month, I would go ahead and plan to try for penis insertion at this point. You will need to warm her up down there. Start with a finger, to a plug, fuck her with the plug. You will be able to gauge if her ass is ""in the mood"" or not. There are nights when my girls ass is DTF, and nights where it is not. YOU HAVE to have the self control to not fuck and ass that isnt in the mood to be fucked. Your goal for your first insertion should be to just simply get it all the way in and hold it. SHE IS NOT ready to be fucked in the ass yet. Slide it all the way in and let it rest in there. Allow the sphincter time to learn the size and sensation of it. By this point, if you have both mentally and physically prepared her for this, my girl actually with orgasm when I slide it in her ass. Do not ever make it about fucking her ass. You are fucking her. So have your fun for a min or two, pull out, use a baby wipe to clean yourself off to be safe then go back to fucking her and finish anywhere but her ass. This is important for the first few sessions. We are mentally training her to be a slut, not a whore and there is a difference. Hygiene is important. Clean yourself. Never go straight from anal to vagina or oral, even though they do it in porn. A2M and A2V is not good. Once you have anal trained her, you should have a girl who actually loves to get fucked in the ass, which is honestly rare. The vast majority of women who do anal do it but don't like it. All of these steps can be applied to you as well. Like I have said before, anal on a man feels great (no homo) And if you really want your mind fucked, put a small plug in your ass, while you fuck her in hers its awesome. **Additional Notes:** Wearing plugs in public is hella fun. Make sure to take a pocket sized bottle of lube with you. Keep it in her purse. You will need to lube every now and again as the outside will dry out from time to time, especially if dancing - not that I would know. Plugs can easily be worn for multiple hours (personal max is 5) however, do not forget to re-hydrate down there every 45 mins or so. Combine plugs with remote controlled vibrators. [Egg](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07RHMS933/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1) for her, [cock ring](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07F9RR8PN/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1) for you. If you are going to wear them out - keep the size pretty small. You do not want a 3/4"" butt plug up your ass all night, but the #1 size will be a nice fun treat - esp. if doing something active like dancing. Too large of plug can impact erections. So again, keep the size small. It isn't about gaping her/your ass, but adding pressure to either your prostate and/or her g-spot. Yes - you can hit her g-spot via anal. Public Anal. Do it. Just do it. Pull her skirt up and fuck her ass in public somewhere. Swinger bar, I don’t care. Rest stop, wherever. Anal [vibrators](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07D9KM8YK/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1) are a thing for a reason. Try them. Never use glass and/or crystal type plugs. Always use flexible ones, only porn stars who are not doing it for pleasure use gem plugs. Only use flexible, silicone type plugs with a taper handle so it conforms to your ass cheeks. This is nice for walking around/public use. Never stick anything in an asshole that isnt attached to your body, or with a handle. It will get sucked up and lost and you will be going to the ER to have it fished out otherwise. Have fun, and that's all for now.",,103,red-sfpplus,2019-11-11 20:35:37 marriedredpill,dsrito,Depressive and Anxious Wives: The Power of Your Mission and Greatest Purpose (Part 5),"As a simple reminder, here’s the previous 4 posts – which you should read first. * Part 1: Depressive and Anxious Wives: [How it’s all your fault](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/asqi8r/depressive_and_anxious_wives_how_its_all_your/) * Part 2: Depressive and Anxious Wives: [Transformation and Building Escape](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/c06qfe/depressive_and_anxious_wives_transformation_and/) * Part 3: Depressive and Anxious Wives: [Converting Dread to Desire](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/d2rvsm/depressive_and_anxious_wives_converting_dread_to/) * Part 3: Depressive and Anxious Wives: [Authenticity, Feelz 2.0, Shitty Comfort & Penetration](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/doalmp/depressive_and_anxious_wives_authenticity_feelz/) If you live with a woman who is depressed or anxious, you know how crippling it can be at times just to be happy. Despite every effort to expand your masculine energy into everything around you, it may even feel *wrong* inside of you somewhere deep down to pursue your own happiness in spite of her moods. You would like her to come along with you, but let me tell you something you may not know – she has built a prison around you that you’re not aware of. In order to free both yourself (first) and her (if she is willing to follow her captain), you must discover your mission in life. First, let’s talk about what a mission is not. **A mission is not a goal.** Goals are measurable and attainable. A mission is nearly unattainable in your lifetime. Missions create goals. Goals do not create your mission or your highest purpose. You can even have multiple missions in your lifetime, or change your mission anytime you wish. Your mission and greatest purpose is something that speaks to your core from deep, deep within. This post came about in a unique way. I was asked the question – Could I elaborate on discovering your mission? How does one find what your most core desire is in this world? &#x200B; # You cannot force this: Forceful mission seeking does nothing but push your core desires deeper into the depths of who you are and replace it with a facade of ego. To discover your mission and your core desires they must rise organically to the surface once all ego is bare. How does this tie into your depressed and anxious wife? **You have allowed her to build an invisible prison through her moods that prevents you from discovering your highest purpose and mission.** **Yes, that’s all your fault.** It’s through your authenticity and deep passion of a life purpose that everyone around you (also *likely* including your wife) will feel that permeate through the man that you are through your actions and minimal words. Those daily actions and words align to a man who is congruent to who he truly is. Words simply become a tool for achieving your mission through actions. And you know what? People see right into that, through it, and into you. You are a man living out real truth in the flesh. I think for us to discover that mission we must spend a lot of time in solitude and suffering. I'm no Buddhist, but that dude was onto something with suffering. **Suffering bares your core to the surface, you must face it with courage, and you become stronger because of it.** **A man should choose the truth of himself when faced with his darkest fears.** Discovering your mission will require all your strength. &#x200B; # Using the power of the little boy inside of you: Do you remember back when you were a little boy and you wanted to explore? Did you ever look beyond the fence of your backyard and think, ""*I wonder what's out there?*"" What do you think that fence symbolizes? To me, it symbolized constraint. The fence of your backyard as a young boy - or whatever boundary your parents told you not to cross, that was the end of your adventure. You were bound within the confines of that little imaginary prison. Everyone told you not to do things outside of that prison: your parents, your siblings, teachers, whoever. They were also told the same things as young kids by those same people which perpetuates the cycle of the prison mentality. One of the most brutal mental punishments that I can think of is solitary confinement with no escape. **This is your wife’s mind.** Your wife has built a prison of emotions that want to trap you inside of her head because she gains great feelz and validation from not having to live in solitary confinement. It is a very difficult life alone. I mean, who would want to live like that? Certainly not your woman. As a man it is impossible. Can you break free of that prison and by example show her that is possible with the gift of your masculinity? I began to think about this heavily over the last 6 months. Why couldn't I hop that fence as a boy? There were rules, that's why. I'd be a bad boy if I did that. I'd get an emotional punishment that would hurt my core. But why was my desire to escape that prison so fucking dear to my core, yet punished when I embraced it? Because I was a boy, who is now a man, and I wasn't designed to live in that prison. The masculine’s deepest desire is freedom and release. Release from contraints in the form of a beautiful woman to look at, the wonderful sound of children laughing, breaking the sound barrier into the unknown, or ejaculation. I was designed to be free. To jump that fucking fence of the prison and do whatever I wanted. Sure, there were rules - but I should be my own judge of what was safe or not. If I was wrong, I'd have to live with the consequences. **You have to be willing to live with whatever consequences YOUR choices create.** I remember reading about Teddy Roosevelt as a kid and thinking he was a *badass.* He traveled the world hunting dangerous animals in the early 1900's and in some cases nearly died. He has a quote I love: ***""No, I'm not a good shot. But I shoot often.""*** That man had no prison. The world was his. He took every shot he could, missed a lot, but at the end of the day he still took his shot at freedom and escape. Think of men that you admire. What about them made them badasses that you respect? I bet you it isn't a dude sitting in his mancave. Or a guy painting pictures. It's also likely not some great philosopher or one-track-braniac. It's likely a man that had a sense of adventure and wholeness, and often did it in *solitude in the face of adversity.* Can you think of a few? Louis and Clark? Arnold? Churchill? Steve Jobs? Who was a man that you admire? Find something that you can do in solitude that allows you to be with only you and your thoughts. &#x200B; # Using the power of femininity to find your mission: The light, the dark. The masculine, the feminine. To me, there is balance in it all. To find your true masculinity that is a mission and your greatest purpose, I believe you must surround yourself in that which you are not seeking to polarize your mind. You are seeking direction of a greater purpose which is an entirely masculine quality. More specifically I seek out solitude with something feminine - like creation (such as art or music) or nature. I'll give you a few examples that will hopefully move you to your own discovery. Do your best to draw the lines of this analogy as we move forward. I grew up hunting, a very masculine thing indeed. I spend a lot of time in the woods alone, by myself, where I am my own judge. I scout for animals, look for sign and try to outsmart them. Yes, I also kill them. All masculine. But killing is not the goal, it's simply part of the journey. Once the animal is dead, I have to harvest it, clean it, butcher it, pack it, freeze it, and get it home to feed my family. Killing is only a small part of it. But if you're like most still in the prison - they can't look beyond the fence that is killing to see the adventure it gives a man. They focus on the fence and say, ""Don't do that, it's bad."" Again – the prison. Everything up until the killing part is surrounding myself with the feminine (nature) and dancing this delicate dance with my masculine. I must truly understand the ways of the feminine in order to achieve my masculine goals. I fail a lot. Hell, yesterday I shot and missed because I got **anxious** myself and pulled a shot right. No matter how much I practice, I still fail. Nature won that day, but I'll be right back at it. I love the challenge. When I'm out there, I have nothing to do but be with myself. I could read, yeah. I could facefuck my phone too, yeah. But I don't. Because I know that the sense of adventure of where I go, where I setup my hunting spot, and what I do is entirely 100% up to me. There is no prison in that (except for a few rules to keep me somewhat safe which I agree with). You must physically see that there is no prison. There are many ways, but nature does it for me. I also seek this time out for myself for the solitude – and create my own personal prison in my mind. I let it all surface while alone. I cannot tell you the number of times I go out there for just 4 hours alone and end up crying my fucking eyes out thinking about my life. Do you want to learn how to kill your ego? This is just one way that has forced me to do so. I once killed a large animal very deep in the woods. It was a 10 mile round trip hike to pack it out, and it took three trips. On my last trip I was exhausted, it had been dark for hours, and I had to sit down to rest. Then, my flashlight ran out of battery. The modern comforts of this world were lost. Here I was – in the dark – covered in blood in bear country. I was frightened. But I had no choice… I had to break free and accomplish my goal of getting back home. So, I wandered in the dark scared for my life for 8 more hours. I felt relief in the sun finally rising against the cold darkness to complete the cycle of polarity, and through that solitude I discovered I was stronger than I ever knew. It’s just like lifting, bro. That's solitude in the face of adversity as well. That's why MRP recommends you lift. I hope this helps you build some more mental models to reference for yourself. And by the way, if you ever want to take up hunting - just ask a guy you know. I guarantee he will jump at the opportunity to show you the world through his eyes and teach you exactly what it means to connect with yourself in such beauty. We also enjoy surrounding ourselves with the company of other men. [We want to free others from the prison too.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fL3gCr2Jr0U) &#x200B; # Shedding Ego Open *yourself* by shedding ego to allow your mission to come to you. It will, as all good things do. When it does come walking by, claim it as your own by harvesting it and grab that motherfucker by the horns with pride as you raise it as your trophy. You've earned it with all *your* hard work. Put it on the wall as a reminder of the adversity you have overcome. *You know, kind of like hunting.* When your woman sees this great authenticity of a purpose driven man that you’ve built from your core outwards, she will either accept this as who you are or she will not. But that, my fellow man is *un-testable*, and gives her the *opportunity* to begin to free her own ego as an example of your leadership.",,83,HornsOfApathy,2019-11-07 03:17:15 marriedredpill,dshw1o,[FR] Role Playing with Rape Fantasy,"I work the full sexual spectrum. This is known, and no need to discuss this. What we are here to talk about is something that is new to me, and that is role based sexual play. Yes it sounds cheesy, yes I was hesitant but it was actually tons of fun and very, very hot. There have been several women over my time as a single man who have dropped hints about ""rape play"" or ""forced sex."" We are not talking about basic shit, but full on fighting back. Fitchick mentioned this several weeks ago. So I decided to do some research and figure it out. She had the basic layout of the fantasy, even if it is very cliché - I just needed to make it happen. The scenario was simple: Single Mom who cant pay her rent. I was the land lord and I was going to take her rent money via sex. Forcefully if necessary. Background: We agreed that traditional safe words would not be used. She had an overt desire to want to say the following phrases: ""No"", ""you are hurting me,"" ""I do not want to"" and ""stop."" Obviously, for any sane person - these phrases are immediate stoppages. However, pushing through these we needed to establish unique safe words, even outside of our ""green, yellow and red"" safe words for our standard D/s play. After a while, she wanted to ""submit"" to the sexual advances. Some of the things she wanted was for me to say things like ""I will be collecting rent from you this way moving forward, this is not going to be the last time I force you to have sex with me,"" in addition to standard stuff like calling her my slut, etc. This all sounded fun and erotic to me. Beyond the establishment of new and unique safe words, the other paramount rule was absolutely no closed fist hitting, clawing, kicking, or slapping harder than we have both previously done in our D/s play. We have each slapped each other across the face, and we understand those limits. For this particular episode we also agreed to keep our hands off each others necks to ensure safety there, even though we choke each other often, I did not want to introduce this. I also kept anal off the table. At this point she was not fully anal trained, and I was not interested in ""anally raping"" her and/or hurting her. Even though she wanted it, I told her this could be time 2 or 3. Once we had the ground rules laid out it was up to me to execute. I decided to prep the play room with cuffs, ropes and leg spreader. I also got out the silk blindfold (I do not like ball gags) and prepared all that. Had it ready to go. Once the room was ready we went over the plan one last time, and the scenario began. I put her out in the garage for her to simulate knocking on my front door. I opened it, and she came in and we sat at my kitchen table. The scenario began to play out, and after about 15 seconds the role playing became very natural. We each went into our roles very easily and it became very organic. I started to execute my part (like any traditional casting couch porn) and eventually getting to the point of forcibly picking her up and taking her to the play room. I am a big, strong guy and Fitchick is no push over herself. This was when it really started to get interesting. She was fighting back, and fighting back with intention. I had to actually exert some strength to get her into the room. Fighting, wiggling to get away and screaming she was playing her part beautifully and it was very sexual to use real strength. After I had her in the play room, I threw her onto the bed and to my surprise, she got up and tried to escape. She was 100% invested. So I threw her back down, and this time tied her to the bed via the cuffs and ropes I had laid out. However, my ""normal"" knot was insufficient and again, she broke free. Laughing at me and actually breaking role for a moment to make fun of me and my shitty knot skills. Well, she should have kept her mouth shut because at this point I gagged her, and really took the time to tie her up and make sure was secured to the bed. I am not going to go into details on the sex, because it was awesome. As discussed about half way into it, she started to ""pretend"" she wanted to fuck me for the rent debt. At one point during sex she went to kiss me - I had not kissed her to this point. I pushed her face away and said ""Sluts do not get kisses"". I believe she came about 15 seconds later. The session ended with me untying her, and pushing her out of the house into the garage butt naked and telling her to walk back to her apartment like a good little whore. 10 seconds later I let her back in, roles were dropped and aftercare began. Tools used: [Cuffs and Ropes](https://www.amazon.com/Feeke-Leather-Adjustable-Soft-Plush/dp/B07VVNK5BY/ref=sr_1_30?keywords=bondage&qid=1573053615&sr=8-30) [Leg Spreader](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07RK4MJ3H/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1) [Blindfold](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0036YWDZM/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1) [Lube (not used)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00QHJJX7Y/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1) Lessons and thoughts I have had lots of rough sex over the years, but never had someone resist and work to fight back. It was pretty hot. Hearing the phrases ""no, etc"" was also very fun - understanding they are show stoppers normally however in the scenario were fun. It was a mind trip. I believe that she really enjoyed being forcefully taken, then allowing herself to submit. There is likely some inner slut shit going on here that I need someone like /u/rstonept to verbalize, but seeing it was hot. None of this is possible without a high level of trust and sexual openness with your partner. This was all 100% consensual. Do not, ever, ever forget about aftercare and that [cuddles are required](https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/9jr5bx/cuddles_are_required/)",,60,red-sfpplus,2019-11-06 15:32:32 marriedredpill,drwc5r,"Own Your Shit Weekly - November 05, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,21,AutoModerator,2019-11-05 08:24:22 marriedredpill,drqpf5,[Book report] *Everything is f*cked : a book about hope*,"Mark Manson is back with a new book. You may remember him from the gem *Models: Attract Women Through Honesty* about pickup, or more recently his best-selling *The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck*. **What's the book about?** If you've read anything by Mark Manson before, this has the same 'voice'; he has a no-nonsense approach to presenting topics I find refreshing. This starts out with some of the same data presented in Stephen Pinker's latest books about how by any objective measure, mankind is doing very well. Fewer and fewer humans are living in abject poverty, violence of all kinds is down and trending further downward, wars are fewer and smaller than in the past. Yet people feel bad, and perceive things to be worse than they really are. Why is that? Manson has some ideas, and he presents psychological research basically suggesting that if there is not actual adversity in our lives, our brain will hamster up some adversity, and treat it as if it was real. If you've ever seen a grown adult throw a temper tantrum in a restaurant over there being too much kale garnish plated alongside their chicken piccata, he has examples like that. In short, the better we have it, the more we feel like there are things that would make us happier that we will never be able to acquire / achieve / experience. This is not just an American problem; it's a wealth and comfort problem, and international data show this to be true. Lots of wealthy people all over the world have a lot of pessimism. **What's red pill about the book?** The first chapter is incredible; if you don't want to read the whole thing, just read that. Most of the book is red. He uses different vocabulary to accomplish the same meaning. Thinking brain versus feeling brain rather than 'rationalization hamster'. He talks a lot about 'religion' and defines it in a very expansive way that covers anything that we take on faith, such as 'paper money has intrinsic value'. He makes a lightning-fast pass over several philosophical writings about stoicism, what's worth pursuing in life, how we find meaning, whether short-term discomfort is worth it in achieving progress toward a distant goal in the future. Manson has an expansive definition of 'hope', by which he means something closer to 'life purpose'. **What's annoying in the book?** The last chapter, where he speculates about the future, especially with regards to mankind interacting with technology. I suspect his predictions published in 2019 will not age well. Sometimes wild guesses come true, but we're still not wearing jetpacks or riding hoverboards (the kind that actually hover). **Should we recommend this book?** I don't think it's quite at the level of sidebar canon, but it rhymes with what we teach here. It's more akin to something you would see recommended in a future edition of BluePillProfessor's book. If you're a person who actually read all the book recommendations there, this should go on your to-read list.",,30,Aechzen,2019-11-05 00:01:00 marriedredpill,domva5,"Own Your Shit Weekly - October 29, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,29,AutoModerator,2019-10-29 08:24:24 marriedredpill,doalmp,"Depressive and Anxious Wives: Authenticity, Feelz 2.0, Shitty Comfort & Penetration (Part 4)","If you’ve read my previous posts on Depressive and Anxious wives, good for you. Some have asked why I have picked the topic of “Depressive and Anxious Wives” rather than AWALT (even though this rule still applies). The reason that I’ve chose this extreme version of your woman is because yes, while AWALT applies, it seems to me after being here on MRP for a long time that some women naturally pursue chaos to get feelz, and thus those traits usually manifest themselves in your relationship and wife as anxiety or depression. As a simple reminder, here’s the previous 3 posts – which you should read to understand the context of the next stage that I think happens once you’ve accepted it’s all your fault, built a safe place, and converted dread into desire. Part 1: Depressive and Anxious Wives: [How it’s all your fault](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/asqi8r/depressive_and_anxious_wives_how_its_all_your/) Part 2: Depressive and Anxious Wives: [Transformation and Building Escape](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/c06qfe/depressive_and_anxious_wives_transformation_and/) Part 3: Depressive and Anxious Wives: [Converting Dread to Desire](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/d2rvsm/depressive_and_anxious_wives_converting_dread_to/) # Discovering you mission of authenticity By this time, you’ve likely recognized that building a safe place within your life for your woman to find and gravitate towards usually results in great quality sex. You may have even discovered how to abandon dread altogether in place of inspiring desire. This post is an attempt at providing MRPers more guidance on building a **deeper safe place including honesty and authenticity** that contains more than sexual fulfillment and gravity towards sexual desire. Learning to use authenticity and patience in your life will drive your woman into greater depths of feelz, which then inspires more desire in both sexual and non-sexual ways. The first question that I found myself attempting to answer when trying to lead my wife into deeper authenticity was to determine for myself the following things: \- Who am I as a man? \- How do I project the authenticity and truth about who I am as a man to others that I encounter? These two questions that I asked myself were core to my mission. I did not yet know my mission or what it was that I needed to do with my life, but I did know that I wasn’t quite sure what kind of man I was. To answer this question, with true authenticity and masculinity, it was required for me to strip all ideas of who I was before and for once – peel back the layers of ego like an onion and discover what was at my core. When I was finally able to peel back all the layers of pain, hurt, and false senses of security – the answer presented itself with great force. I discovered that I was a man who was full of energy and gifts. I had a desire to give myself to this world in ways that were unique to me and spoke from my core. These gifts can manifest themselves in many ways, and perhaps you have some of the same: strength, mental fortitude, direction, passion, creativity, leadership, understanding, non-judgement, gracious, mindful, protection, courage, independence and assertiveness. I discovered that all of those things were just *qualities* of who I was as a man. You may share quite a few of those with me. But most of all, the largest thing that I was as a man was… *giving.* I would share all those great traits and qualities from my core to influence and change people’s lives for the better (or worse). Either way, I am the prize. I am the gift. I give freely no matter the circumstance, until it no longer works and I choose no longer to give. Only when you know who you are, and what you have to give this world can you then become an authentic version of yourself who will then (if you choose to) give that gift to his woman so that she can be your reflection. If you’re an asshole, your wife will reflect your asshole better than anyone. Choose and discover who you are with great care. A man who gives from abundance great things to this world and his woman will soon discover that not only is your wife a mirror of who you are, but so is the world and everyone you meet. Being authentic to your masculine self allows the polarity in your relationship to surface and your woman to live in her feminine. If you are LARPing, so is she. If you’re bullshitting your way through life, so is the world around you. Find where you are no longer authentic in your life and [challenge that mental model](https://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358) with the force of your direction and masculinity. Challenge it all. Change if you must. Choose who you are. # Creating the Feelz 2.0 You should know by now that your woman, if she is depressed or anxious, requires BIG feelz and emotions in order to satisfy and remain congruent to who *she is.* You should have accepted this by now, and if you haven’t you certainly need to go back to the sidebar or give up and choose a different woman. Most men, from what I gathered here at my time in MRP, only wish to dab their toes in the water of the deep end of understanding their woman with the purpose of getting better quality sex. That will not work with a depressive and anxious wife. Using your masculine direction, this gives way for her to let go of her masculine energy and put it into her feminine energy. The masculine is direction. The feminine is chaotic. But guess what? You need chaos and uncertainty just as much as she does. Why? The challenge. The test. The things she says or does to drive you absolutely into an emotional tailspin is just that – a test of your frame to see if you are able to overcome those emotions and lead her to a place of safety and masculine strength. Can you overcome her shitty behavior and *still* continue to be the man that you are? Most men cannot, and this is why we usually end up here at MRP. We fail time and time again tests of our manhood and become betatized in an attempt to supplicate her feelz with more feelz. She doesn’t want your feelz, or at least not in the way that you think she does. The best feeling that your woman will ever get is when you stand up against her, look her in the eyes, and call her out on her bullshit never with a word of anger or disrespect. You call her out with who you are. There are still ways to create Feelz 1.0 throughout your relationship that lead to Feelz 2.0 - but that's a topic that I should tackle in a different post. # Shitty Comfort Testing This is the epitome of how I want to be tested now in addition to regular comfort testing (which there are thousands of words on how to pass here at MRP). What is a shitty comfort test? A shitty comfort test is complicated but once you understand the motivation behind a woman’s desire to do it, you will understand exactly what YOU need to do when encountering one if you choose to pass it. You don’t have to pass it, but I sincerely doubt that intentionally failing a shitty comfort test is who you are if you’ve put the time and energy into self discovery. It’s simple. A shitty comfort test is an effort on your woman’s part to elicit the STRONGEST frame you have, all the while playing the nice card but not offering her the desired outcome that her hamster *thinks* she needs. Remember: this is the wild hamster, who really doesn’t know what it wants and will grab at anything to satisfy it’s thirst for feelz. Here’s a recent comfort test that I encountered, because I made something a priority over her: *“You’re just leaving to go do XYZ?* *I have been asking you for days to do ABC.* *You always get to leave whenever you want.* *You don’t care about how I feel.* *Go ahead, do whatever you want.* *It’s fine.”* On the surface this seems like a shit test (“You always get leave whenever you want”). Betas reply to this by staying home, or arguing that they made time for her to do ABC earlier/later. Betas might even get angry at their wives for being a bitch when there is something important that they need to do. Anger is bred in crazy ways during shitty comfort testing. If you have read before on how to pass shitty comfort tests, it’s simple: STFU, carry on. But I want to challenge that idea entirely by making this the key opportunity to provide the biggest and best feelz that a woman requires. I looked at my wife after she said that. I stared deeply into her eyes, and looked *through* her words and *through* her emotions. I peered deeply into her, using the brightest eyes that I could muster, and let her FEEL that no matter what she said, I knew what I was doing was more important *right now* than providing her comfort. I told her, with my eyes only and intense STFU, that I’d be there later for her when she decided to approach me in a way that would be constructive to our relationship and my frame. She stared back at me at first with fire in her eyes and anger in her heart, but 10 seconds later I watched the anxiety leave her face. “Fine.” A second time I heard this. I continued to deeply look through her, look through her bullshit, until she FELT me standing in the face of her ridiculous behavior – still the same man that I discovered long ago. Smiling. The man that she desires. The strength of a thousand men were in me against this simple chaotic episode in her mind. She felt the warm strength of calmness and direction. “Ok, but I need to go do ABC soon.” Continue to look through her. STFU. Use your eyes. Use your body language. Open up your arms, the front of your chest, your breath, your large heart. Open it all, even if you have to physically do so by getting up and stretching. Continue looking through her and into her. *“I’m sorry, I just get so worked up sometimes and I get jealous because you get to do all these things all the time and I don’t.* *I know you need to do XYZ for our family, I just don’t like that it takes time away from us.”* And there you have it. There’s the end of the test. She’s overtly stated she is seeking comfort. How did she arrive here through the chaos of her hamster? You. Your strength. Your masculine balance. ***THOSE are the feelz that she desires most, and those are a whole entirely different level of feelz that she has never had before.*** ***Feelz 2.0*** She is testing your authentic self and that connection to her. You must wade through the bullshit of the daily grind to discover in any way possible the authenticity that she desires from your core. Your woman is seeking an authentic connection that ONLY YOU CAN PROVIDE HER, and if she denies these feelz then she is lying. She is full of ego. Why should you welcome the tests like this? It is a test of congruency, but more specifically it’s a test of her showing you inauthentic behavior (it’s not about XYZ or ABC or the nail) to see if you can deliver back to her those feelz despire her shitty behavior. Deliver the most authentic version of STFU ever and feelz through her. That’s a shitty comfort test, and that’s how it’s passed. I love shitty comfort tests, and so should you. They are the best test of them all. But they require strength and patience that you never knew possible within you. That’s why they’re so great – they take you to your edge and require you to live in that uncomfortable edge for longer than any other test. # Creating Feelz 2.0 with the Juggernaut Cock Ok, so it’s a little bit funny to read this now that I’ve written it but I cannot come up with any better term than this one. Where and how must you give your biggest cock ever? Remember: your wife is seeking comfort and strength all at once. As you woman pushes you harder and harder with both shit and shitty comfort tests she is continually seeking your strength and for you to ***penetrate her moods and feelings as you would the world.*** When I know my wife requires this, I give her from my own core: The Juggernaut Cock. It’s huge. It’s forceful. It’s powerful. The juggernaut cock is the largest cock you can ever imagine – and it’s yours. Some guys here talk about cavemanning your wife aggressively with dominance, but I also think there is another way. Come from behind her, jump her in bed, pull her into the closet. You know what I’m talking about. It’s the moment when the spontaneous desire within you MUST take your wife with your strength and power, often as surprise. Not a huge surprise here, but this is likely when you find your wife the wettest she’s ever been. Why? Your wife desires you ***to penetrate her moods and feelings as you would the world***\*\*.\*\* Often, with reckless disregard of the consequences with COURAGE (remember your qualities now?). She pushes you harder and harder, until your body becomes swollen as an erection. This is what she desires. For your body and your core to be full of life – full of strength – like a rock hard juggernaut cock. As she pushes harder and harder, she desires for you to break through her, penetrate her, and leave her craving that feeling she gets from Feelz 2.0 As she pushes harder and harder, you break… but not in the way that she would expect you to full of beta emotion. You break into your masculine. Your inner drive. Your sexuality. Your erection in this world. You grab her by the waist, turn her around quickly while ripping her panties to her knees and you take your huge, forceful, erect juggernaut cock and push it hard and harder into her. You push your cock into her so she feelz the penetration of who you are. You hold that cock inside of her, pushing deeper and deeper – harder and harder – to HER edge that reaches fear and comfort all at once. You have gone so deep into her that she feelz (2.0) the man that you are. As your cock pulses inside of her against her raw challenge, you hold it a while longer. There you go. You’ve now penetrated your woman for the first time in your life. You can now go and penetrate the world. Get up, smile, and get back to work. You’ve just delivered your woman the greatest feelz she has ever desired. Yor cock has become her safe place, along with who you are. Watch the desire build in her to be penetrated over and over by you. You are a man that penetrates his woman with all that he is. *Edit:* [Part 5: The Power of Your Mission and Greatest Purpose](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/dsrito/depressive_and_anxious_wives_the_power_of_your/)",,71,HornsOfApathy,2019-10-28 15:44:41 marriedredpill,do5ltp,Killing the Blue,"If the red pill is knowing the truth about intersexual dynamics, it's not enough merely to embrace the truth. We've got to cast off the lies as well. Otherwise we're going to rationalize some compromise between competing principles that were never meant to reconcile. I believe Rollo calls this ""killing the blue."" I was reminded to write this post earlier today when my wife became huffy that I didn't get out of the car to pump the gas when she gave me the silent look of expectation. She huffed, ""For as much as you try to teach other guys about how to be a man, you're not man enough to pump my gas? That's the man's job."" Uh huh. Keep telling yourself that. Here is a list of blue notions that I've had to overcome in my thinking. _____ **TRUTH** - *Honesty is the foundation of marriage.* Wrong. Honesty is a useful tool, but there's nothing foundational about it. If anything, I'd suggest sex is the foundation of marriage. As is often said among those who aren't having it: ""Without sex, we're really just roommates."" _____ **ARGUING** - *If an argument comes up, it's the man's job to resolve the conflict and make it right.* Wrong. The man decides what his job is or isn't. If he doesn't want to resolve the conflict, that's his business. Perhaps it's more valuable to him to spend his time doing something else than let his wife victim puke all over him. _____ **MONEY** - *If she handles the money, she calls the shots.* Wrong. This phrase is usually implied in relationships where the wife is the heavier earner or is the one who handles the household finances. Not surprisingly, I find it uncanny how often the woman is in charge of the household finances. I was just chatting about this with a friend the other day. His wife handles all the bills and will constantly tell him what he can/can't spend, but then goes off and breaks her own rules. ""We have $200 to get us through the next week"" - then she goes and buys $300 in groceries, saying, ""We'd need it eventually,"" and they can't pay one of their utility bills. As for women-workers, money is certainly tied to power, but I have seen many men who are capable of leading from a SAHD position. If she makes more, it is certainly more difficult to earn and maintain her respect, but far from impossible. A woman will do anything for a highly attractive man - including work her butt off to keep him from pressing on her fear of abandonment. While a man's career may affect her attraction toward him, it can be made up through a number of other factors. _____ **EMPATHY** - *Good husbands are always, with their wives, ... empathetic, kind, patient, humble, understanding, etc.* Wrong. These are all tools that are useful in their own place. When a wife characterizes what a ""good husband"" does she is placing her own moral judgment on his behaviors, often without a solid foundation for that judgment beyond her own preferences or societal norms. This sentiment also leaves off the context associated with the behavior. It presupposes an endorsement of the notion that a man should love a woman for all of her, including her flaws (or at the very least, despite her flaws), not recognizing that sometimes the most loving thing to do is help her overcome her flaws, which often requires casting off some of these more palatable virtues. _____ **HELPER** - *Society expects a lot from women, so husbands should help their wives by carrying part of the load.* Wrong. Society does expect a lot from women. But this is because men aren't taking personal responsibility for the things that need to get done in their own lives, so women step up and take over. The more attractive framework isn't that a woman is burdened with responsibility and needs a man's help, but that a man embraces being responsible and invites his woman to help. _____ **EXPLANATION** - *If she asks, a man owes it to his wife to explain his behaviors so she can understand what he does and why he does it.* Wrong. You owe her nothing. Over-explaining yourself, even on her request, takes away the mystery of who you are. A lack of mystery and intrigue as to the inner-workings of your mind simply makes you predictable and boring. _____ **ROLES** - *It's a husband's job to ... shovel the driveway ... fill the gas tank ... mow the lawn ... etc.* Wrong. A man should set his own framework for what his responsibilities will be in his own home. Appealing to an amorphous standard of gendered stereotypes takes the power and authority from the man and forces him to live in society's frame - a frame that so happens to benefit women more often than men. Always challenge these statements (even if only to yourself) with the negative inquiry: ""Why is it the man's job to ... ?"" or ""Where did the idea come from that it's a man's job to ... ?"" _____ **PURSUIT** - *Men should pursue women; husbands should pursue their wives.* Wrong. This is a trope used to compel men to put more work into relationships than women, rationalizing their own selfishness. It's based on gross misconceptions of historical/traditional relationships and a mixing up of the concepts of ""initiation"" and ""pursuing."" The orientation of the pursuit in the relationship is a reflection of the power dynamic. The one who pursues the other is the weaker one in more desperate need of what the other has to offer. The one being pursued is the prize. When the man is the prize, his pursuit should be his mission, not his wife, and she should pursue him. _____ **UNCONDITIONAL** - *Marriage requires unconditional love.* Wrong. Marriage is inherently a conditional contract. That's what a covenant is. If love were an emotion, it would be impossible to persist unconditionally. If love is a choice, it would be foolish to employ it without conditions. To take away all conditions on any behavior makes you a slave to that behavior and the one to whom you allegedly owe it. _____ **SACRIFICE** - *It's a man's job to make sacrifices for the good of his wife.* Wrong. It's each person's responsibility to decide what they will and won't do and if the benefit of a particular course of action justifies the cost. This phrase is utilized by women to compel men to ignore common sense in evaluating this dynamic. There are certainly times where a sacrifice will be more beneficial to a man's long-term purposes, but not every time, as is often implied when this statement is used (especially among guys in the church). _____ **SYNERGY** - *Marriage is about synergy and teamwork, and through mutual cooperation they create one greater whole.* Wrong. While there are benefits to having a teammate, you are still two separate people. Losing your sense of individual identity can be extremely dangerous in the long-term, re-enslaving you to the expectations that come with a synergistic mentality, which almost always come from society or her relationship philosophies. There are times when it is effective to do things independently from each other, not as a team. If she feels like you're always harmonious as a team, there's little room for dread. _____ **YIELDING** - *In order to resolve conflict, the husband must yield his position to his wife as an act of service and display of his love.* Wrong. This is a gross misrepresentation of concepts of servant leadership. While a man should certainly own up to his faults, that doesn't mean he should always yield in conflict or let his wife think she's never at fault. Rather, he should tactfully address her faults through displays of attractive behaviors, such as AM, AA, teasing, etc. _____ **PRIORITIES** - *A husband's highest priority should be his wife and kids, not his career, friends, etc.* Wrong. Men can have whatever priorities they want. If she doesn't like it, she can leave. He can account for the value of keeping her around when setting his list of priorities, which he is free to change or rearrange at any time he so chooses. _____ **OMISSION** - *You should never hide anything from your spouse. Omitting the truth is the same as lying.* Wrong. Omitting the truth is everyone's way of life. Compulsory honesty would force the disclosure of incredible quantities of irrelevant information, and nobody does this because it's pointless. Instead, we only disclose when we know it has value. The argument for compulsory honesty is that it is always more valuable for a man to disclose than not. When framed this way, it's much easier to recognize that you can discern this balance for yourself in any given moment to decide what you will and won't say. Now, if there's an actual duty to disclose, that's a different story (I'm an attorney, so this duty comes up a lot). But in a general relational context, that duty almost never exists. _____ **UNCOMPROMISING** - *Marriage is about compromise.* Wrong. Compromise weakens both positions. When a balance needs to be sought, compromise is a valuable tool. However, the situations where compromise is the most effective tool are far fewer than you might imagine. _____ **NEGOTIATION** - *If a man wants sex from his wife, he should give her something to get it.* Wrong. Desire cannot be negotiated. This attitude, at best, leads to duty sex. At worst, it leads to claims of rape when the negotiation is implicit and the sex is undesired. More commonly, it's just a covert contract that doesn't get held up and leads to resentment. _____ **DIFFICULTY** - *It's hard enough being a woman; it would be selfish for a man to add more burdens on his wife than she already puts on herself.* Wrong. This rationale is used to make men feel guilty for asking anything of their wives. In reality, if a husband never asks anything of his wife, she never knows what she does that's of value to him. She can only live on her own self-validation or his feigned attempt at validation that she often sees through. Women require authentic validation from others and cannot have it until they actually know what others expect of them. This is particularly true and potent within marriage. _____ **INFATUATION** - *Love is an emotion that married couples should experience with each other.* Wrong. The word ""love"" means countless things to various people. The most useful definition I have found is that love is a choice relating to how you will act toward someone else. The most common associated emotion is infatuation. Others include lust, happiness, serenity, etc. Emotions come and go. If emotions were a viable definition of love, a woman could rightly claim to still love her ex while slashing his tires. This is not love. _____ **TALKING** - *Communication is the life-blood of marriage.* Wrong. Attraction is the life-blood of marriage. I've known countless horrible communicators who get on just fine. Why? Because they each find value in the other due to their mutual attraction. I have also known immaculate communicators who end up in divorces. Why? Certainly not for lack of communication, but for lack of attraction. Those who are highly attracted to each other will keep coming back to the same disastrous affair with each other over and over and over again no matter how much it's ruining their lives. Never underestimate the power of attraction as the true life-blood of relationships. _____ **FLAWS** - *A good man will love a woman for all of who she is, including her flaws.* Wrong. If a man claims to care about the good of the woman he is with, he'd do better to help her overcome her flaws rather than enable them. _____ **FIGHT** - *A man must fight to keep his woman - emotionally, physically, and spiritually.* Wrong. A man can do whatever he wants. Failing to fight for a woman doesn't make him less of a man. It simply indicates she wasn't worth the fight. All of those ""chase her down at the airport"" scenes in chick flicks only make sense if she adds enough value to his life to warrant the gesture - and not merely emotional value, as emotions are fickle, but pragmatic value. _____ **FAN** - *A good husband is his wife's biggest fan.* Wrong. This gets brought up on social media and dating apps all the time. This puts her in the spotlight and you as the one on the sideline cheering her on. Guess whose frame you're in when that happens. Women claim they want to be the center of attention, but when they have it they often find they're unhappy. Why? Because it sucks being married to the side-liner rather than the star. She'll be much happier cheering you on. _____ I'm sure there are countless more concepts we've told ourselves that could be added to this list, which we'd be better off unlearning - and I'd love to hear them! But, I'm getting tired for the night. So, I'll leave it to you all to share some of the blue pill ideologies you've had to overcome. Consider this a collaborative effort.",,99,Red-Curious,2019-10-28 07:36:51 marriedredpill,dnhq16,STFU Ground Zero for Dummies'n'Faggots,"So you're new to MRP. you're Lifting, Reading, and you think you're STFU - kind of, sometimes. *Maybe?* The concept of STFU isn't that hard to understand, but some (most) beginners have difficulty with the *execution* of STFU because their mind is racing as whatever is happening causes them to panic, and they quickly crack open their pie-holes to start DEERing away. I'd like to suggest an activity for you to be doing as you STFU, to help keep you calm and focused, and as a bonus it should also help you ID some internal shit you can work on after your panic moment is over. It's especially effective for those who have a weak frame or no frame. However for more advanced MRPers this may be a good way to more deeply reflect and self-diagnose during introspective periods, or after a slip in frame. Take it if it works for you, leave it if it doesn't. It's just another tool in your toolbox. “Anyone can get angry–that is easy–but to get angry with the right person, to the right extent, at the right time, for the right reason, and in the right way is no longer something easy that anyone can do.” –Aristotle ##The ATC Model Gentlemen, introducing ATC - a key foundational module of the Army's ""Mastering Resiliency"" Training Program, adapted for MRP by yours truly, a Master Instructor for the MRT Program. ATC stands for [A]ctivating Event -> Heat-of-the-Moment [T]houghts -> [C]onsequences - Emotions and Reactions Ex: [Activating event] You try to initiate sex, and wife says ""I don't want to, you're a loser."" [Thoughts] You have Heat-of-the-Moment Thoughts like *""I'm NOT a loser, she's just a mouthy bitch!""* and/or *""I deserve sex! I* (insert shit you do here) *don't I?""* (keep in mind you are STFU - so this is a Heat-of-the-Moment THOUGHT, not something you say out loud like you used to faggot, the point of STFU is to stop DEERing) Then after these instant initial thoughts, [Consequence] you feel an Emotion and/or have a physical Reaction such as you feel anger and an adrenaline rush gives you a rapid pulse for fight or flight, maybe you even get sweaty. Or maybe your Emotion is shame and your Reaction might be that you leave the room and start drinking. Probably both of those at once. Ex: [Activating event] Your son scores the match-winning goal at the homecoming game. [Thoughts] You have Heat-of-the-Moment Thoughts like *""All that practice we did sure paid off!""* and *""I'm so proud!""* Then after these instant initial thoughts, [Consequence] you feel an Emotion and/or have a physical Reaction such as you feel happiness and you stand up and start yelling and cheering, and telling anyone who will listen, ""that's MY SON!"" So as you can see this framework is usable in both positive and negative situations. It can be used to help you find validation seeking behavior as well as your faulty mental models. ##Why ATC? ATC helps to build Self-Awareness.  The point is to identify your Heat-of-the-Moment Thoughts about an Activating Event and the Consequences of those Thoughts so you can have greater control over your Emotions and Reactions. Don't just think and feel them, be aware of them. Step One in regulating your Emotions and Reactions is to *be aware of what causes them as they are happening* because knowing is half the battle. Once you get good at doing this, at accurately *being aware* of what is happening in your head, THEN you can start working on modifying your Thoughts, and then on modifying your Behaviors. Too many guys get frustrated because they are putting the cart before the horse - they are trying to modify behaviors without understanding why they were doing them in the first place. That's the definition of a Dancing Monkey, and its a recipe for failure or at the least for eventual recidivism back into old behaviors. So build your Self-Awareness first. Practice ATC. ###Methodology We all have situations in our lives that we handle effectively and other situations that we don’t handle as effectively as we need to.  Emotions are feelings and are usually accompanied by behaviors and physiological changes in the body. (Reactions) Examples include anger, happiness, fear, loneliness, sadness, love, pride, etc. It is important to have a variety of words for different emotions. Anger - “irritated” vs “enraged” Happiness - “pleased” vs “ecstatic” This helps us more accurately pinpoint the severity of our emotions. ###Thought Themes Some people find that there is a pattern in most of their Thoughts - that they relate to a certain theme. The most common Thought Themes are: Loss, Danger (something bad might happen), Negative Comparison (to others or to standards), Positive Contribution (you made), Inflicted Harm (you to others), Trespass (others against you), Gratitude, Hope For Future Noticing patterns in your Thoughts can help you understand why you react in the same way across a range of events. It can help you see cycles you may be going through. ##So what is the goal of ATC? To separate the Activating Event, our Thoughts about it, and the Consequences  Breaking things up like this allows us better understanding and more control. This in turn allows us to identify patterns in our thinking that make us weaker or decrease performance. *After ATC Mastery* - modify the patterns in our thinking that make us weaker or decrease performance. ###In Practice So let's separate ATC: Separate the A from the T from the C. [A]: Just the *OBJECTIVE* facts–who, what, when, where [T]: Your interpretation, what you say to yourself in the heat of the moment [C]: Your Consequences (Emotions you felt/how did you React) Then, Detect Patterns: Identify any patterns in your [T]'s that undercut your performance and mental toughness. The goal is to be doing this *in real time* as you STFU. But I suggest you start doing it first as a stand alone introspective exercise by yourself to get used to using the technique. Think of previous [A]'s, ID your [T]'s, and separate your [C]'s So do an exercise: Identify your effectiveness in a variety of situations by generating recent, meaningful, and specific examples of situations you did not handle as effectively as you needed to. Could be family, social, professional. Also generate other situations that you already handled well. In which of the above situations do you need the most work? <- ATC can have the highest impact here, especially if this is a pattern of behavior. But it can also help strengthen situations you already handle well by bringing into clear focus what you are thinking, feeling, doing, and WHY you are thinking, feeling, doing. When you work the ATC model for each of these situations you generated, what did you find? What did you learn about yourself? What patterns, if any, did you notice in your Thoughts and/or Consequences across multiple examples? In what ways are your Emotions and Reactions helping or harming you? *Stage One* of ATC Self Awareness means you can ACCURATELY see and separate your thoughts, emotions, and reactions to an activating event. *Mastery* of ATC Self-Awareness means you dig deeper, and understand the WHY behind those thoughts, emotions, and reactions. Here's an example of ATC being used properly at the Mastery level. Go back and reread our first example. [Activating event] you would probably think it would be ID'ed as ""wife refuses sex."" This is not accurate. The activating event is ""Wife expressed that I have Low Value."" Our [Thought]s were to be defensive and discredit/attack her (*I'm not ___, you are just ___*), and to invoke a covert contract (*I do x y z so she should want to fuck me!*) Our [Consequence]s were to get angry that our covert contract wasn't honored (like a typical Nice Guy), be ashamed because deep down we know its true that we are Low Value, and leave to go drink because that's how we have learned to cope instead of facing reality head on and doing something about it (OYS). If you dig deeper you realize your drinking behavior was learned in childhood by watching your father go drink after fighting with your mother. Keep digging until you find all the Why's. In our second example, while the thoughts are positive, we see a negative Reaction occur: telling anyone who will listen, ""that's MY SON!"" is a validation seeking behavior. Now go back and redo ATC for all the situations you thought of, but this time do it with honesty like above, not like at the beginning. Look deeper for the WHY behind your [Thoughts] and [Consequences] What did you find? What did you learn about yourself? What patterns, if any, did you notice in your Thoughts and/or Consequences across multiple examples? What Theme are they falling into? In what ways are your Emotions and Reactions helping or harming you? If possible, I suggest doing this with a Morpheus or Mentor or straight talking trusted friend who can keep you honest if you are the self-deluding type. The type with a lot of ego hamstering away at all times to keep you in fantasy land. ##What's Next AFTER Mastery, AFTER completely understanding WHY you are having the thoughts, emotions, and reactions you are, you would then want to start replacing poor performing thoughts like *""I'm not a loser, she's a bitch""* with more productive ones, like *""I have x y z areas where I can improve. I'll work on y area next.""* as you STFU. Notice that your emotions and reactions follow that higher performing thought. You would also want to plan and shift your negative Thought Themes to more positive ones - for example, a daily mantra of *""From now on I'm going to focus my thoughts on Hope For The Future. When my wife rejects me I will immediately think of ways I can improve myself instead of being negative.""* adjust this as needed as you start seeing change internally. It should also be noted that similar to what is described in Athol's MAP book, momentum comes into play in these situations. Your Emotions and Reactions to one Activating event (ESPECIALLY when they are negative) can cause a chain reaction and spiral into another, worse Activating Event. Then your Emotions and Reactions to that cause another, and another, and now... well shit, everything is a complete fucking mess isn't it. So STFU and practice ATC. ##In Summary                             ATC is a method to identify your Thoughts about an Activating Event and the Consequences of those Thoughts. Our Thoughts are under our control.                              Describe the Activating Event objectively, identify your Thoughts, and identify your Consequences (ER: Emotions, Reactions).                               Use ATC anytime you’re curious about your Emotions or Reactions, when you don’t like your Emotions or Reactions, or when you’re stuck in a pattern and keep repeating one Thought Theme in response to the same scenarios.",,75,AlohaMaui808,2019-10-26 18:28:09 marriedredpill,dmpqgv,I almost lost my marriage of 32 years and turned it around in 3 months.," First off I want to thank both u/SorcererKing and u/Over60\_FireTempered3 for telling me to post this. ***BACKGROUND*** I have been married for 32 years (me 55 yo, wife 57 yo). I have two kids one daughter 22 years old and son 20 years old. My son is a special needs child. He has Angelman’s Syndrome. He is missing his 15 chromosome. This affects his motor skill development and he is also undersized for his age. My son cannot walk, talk or is potty trained (he is in diapers). I guess the closest to Angelman’s Syndrome would be Cerebral Palsy. This is important because my wife is a Certified Nurse’s Aide and her full time job is to provide our son with all care he needs 24/7 365 days a years. When my son was born we went through hell because he had tactile defensiveness. This meant he did not want to be held and cried all the time (constantly) until he just ran out of steam and collapsed. He refused to drink milk and lost 2 lbs after being born. We went from Pediatrician to Pediatrician asking how to turn the “colicky baby “around because he was “failing to thrive”. This lead to extreme stress in our marriage as we were both exhausted from lack of sleep and the constant crying. During that time period, my wife felt it necessary to go sleep with him because she was concerned about his health even though other families with Angelman’s kids did not do that. I slept alone for 20 years. We fell into a deadbedroom (sexless marriage). I remained committed to marriage because of my religious beliefs but was lonely, sad, angry and resentful of my son because he took my wife away from me (completely irrational thoughts). Although this sounds weird, it was like my wife was having an affair with my son. She was no longer giving me any attention and was giving it to him. She was distant, bitchy and never happy. It was like me and my wife was roommates and not husband and wife. I had numerous conversations with her for over 12 years asking for her to meet my needs as a husband. She always agreed with me and said that she would “TRY”. She would always say that she was in “mommy mode” and did not feel sexual. It was always her and not me. I tried to do more “choreplay” (do the dishes, vacuum, dust, cook etc.) and nothing changed. Brought her flowers, gifts and all of that and still nothing. ***MAIN EVENT*** Then last winter it all came to a head with a “main event” on Christmas 2018. When it was time to pass out and open presents what do you think my loving, devoted wife of 31 years (at the time) got me for a Christmas present? NOTHING, NADA, ZILCHE. She got everyone else hundreds of dollars of presents. I was hurt and embarrassed beyond belief. She said that she did not know what to get me so she just didn’t think to get me anything. Folks the opposite of love is not hate ……. It is indifference. At that moment I knew that she truly did not love me anymore. She did not love me or was “in love” with me. I wasn’t even a thought to her except my paycheck. There was one incident 2 years prior in which I was demoted at work due to “political” issues. When I phoned her to tell her the news, what would you think her first words were? Were they “I am so sorry, how are you doing”? Nope, her first and only words to me were “did you get a pay cut”. She never asked me one thing about how I was feeling. The only thing I was to her for years was “a paycheck” to keep her in her life style. Christmas day I threw a fit (like a little child). We got into a major fight and she accused me of ruining “her Christmas”. Of course I did not give a shit and told her as so much. ***EPIPHANY*** In the past I had always reassured her that divorce was never an option and truly believed that up until that day. I realized that she took my commitment to her and this marriage for granted. She took me and this marriage for granted until I let her know that my commitment to this marriage is not guaranteed. The fights continued and also the discussions. I had a “cognitive disconnect” (AKA mental breakdown) at work and was offered “counseling”. I was a broken man. Had no sense of self-worth, no confidence, no happiness. Even though I was in a deep hole, I was not going to go down without a fight. Counseling was stupid. All she did was let me talk and offered nothing. I stopped going after 4 sessions. ***MY SEARCH*** I went on the internet and searched deadbedroom. I came upon Reddit. Did some searching found r/marriedredpill. Started reading the sidebar. I also searched YouTube and found the Bluepillprofessor. I have a special place in my heart for him. Learned that my wife was not attracted to me because I stopped being the dude she fell in love with and married and had become a bluepill beta fat f\*ck. I stopped leading my family. I found out and realized a family is like a ship and I am the captain. My wife is the first officer. She is very important but the ship is my responsibility not hers. She took over my duties (literally) and deep down resented me for it all those years. I was a drunk captain and she had to run the ship. I learned through the Red Pill and r/marriedredpill and bluepillprofessor to take responsibility for myself first and my family second. I needed to become my own mental point of origin. Stop being a “nice guy”. ***GET TO WORK*** I was a mess. 5’10” 225lbs and of fat f\*ck and couldn’t lift shit. I began to lead. Lift weights (now bench 260lbs max lift and 210lbs 8x3). I dress better. Act better. HELL JUST BE BETTER. Dropped 40lbs 3 months. Began reading . The first book that I have ever read cover to cover in my life was Rollo Tomassi’s “Rational Male”. I am currently working on No More Mister Nice Guy and others to follow. I run 3 miles a day. I am in better shape now than I have ever been (too bad I waited until 55 yo to do it) ***THE SHIFT*** OMG girls/women began to notice me. Never happened to me before (or at least wasn’t aware). I didn’t really understand what was going on but liked the attention. I could see my wife noticing. Especially when “Amy” walked up to me and gave me her number. The wife flipped 180 degrees in 3 months. No longer deadbedroom. Sex is back to the frequency when we were dating (33 years is a long time to remember). Now things that were never on the table (sexually) are now on the table with gusto. We are acting like we are dating again. We go out at least once a month (by ourselves, we hire a special babysitter) and I take her to dinner at a 5 star restaurants. I do not tell where she is going. I keep it exciting. I tell her that her job is to look pretty and have fun. For more years than I can remember she stopped wearing dresses. She stopped acting feminine. That has all changed. She has bought a new wardrobe of dresses. She now is concerned about how she looks (to me). We now have lots of fun. It is like we have started dating again. ***REALIZATION/CONCLUSION*** All that I have seen and read tell me that all relationships go through this. You start out the Alpha dog that got her interested in you. You get married and/or start living together and BAM!!! You get lazy. You get complacent. You gain weight. You stop the hobbies you once did. You dress sloppy (you know jeans with stains and holes and a faded teashirt). You now just sit around binge on Netflix. You become needy. You are thirsty for her attention. You got no options and you are a like a needy child. She is busy with her own life. She now sees you as another child and mothers do not have sex with children. You get angry. Now the fights start or get worse. You go to your corner and she hers. If you’re lucky, no one cheats. (but more likely give opportunity, someone does). Then it’s over before anyone had the opportunity to really ask “WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED OVER xxxxx YEARS”. I was fortunate, neither of us cheated (but oh how I was tempted). The day I realized that this shit works is this: my wife NEVER comes into the bathroom when I shower. We have a glass shower so you can see in. One day I was taking a shower and I turn around and she is standing there leaning against the vanity just staring at me. Then she just says “you have really stepped up” and she had the look, you know that look. That look of adoration that cannot be faked. I was freaking out. You always hear of thing that claim to work miracles. You try and try and all you get is disappointment after disappointment. You lose faith that there is something out there that really works. Over Christmas holiday season I gave one last chance before I filed for divorce. At that point you could have stuck a fork in me because I was done. I had resigned myself to failure. ***WHERE ARE WE AT NOW*** We do things now together now. I have to personally thank the bluepillprofessor for the “10 second kiss”. It’s my personal favorite. It sets the tone for the day. At first she said “what the hell do you think you are doing?” I just persisted, grabbed the back of her head along with a handful of hair and continued every day. Now she begs for it. We walk 2 miles every day with my son pushing his chair as we walk and talk. I took a chance not knowing exactly how to implement KINO and as she took her turn pushing our son, I lightly placed my hand on the small of her back and just held it there kind of showing love and support for her. One day I forgot to do that and she kept looking at me and finally asked “is there something wrong”? I looked at her with a stare and said no. She said that I wasn’t touching her and she thought that I was mad at her. Guys, THIS SHIT WORKS. It’s freaky how this works. My only regret is it took me 20 years to find out. I, for the first time in my life climbed a 14,000ft mountain (Mt. Evans). I zipped lined over the Royal Gorge (1500 ft drop). These are things I would never do last year. I am a new man, new life, new mission. That’s my story.",,538,vabab8,2019-10-25 00:42:33 marriedredpill,dlex0g,"Own Your Shit Weekly - October 22, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,27,AutoModerator,2019-10-22 08:24:24 marriedredpill,djp3la,"My “First MRP Moment”, I believe. It will never be the same.","Long time reader, first time posting. Been following MRP and RP guidance since Jan this year. Reading, working out, and letting go of shit and fear. Last insight I had what I would call "" My first MRP"" moment with the wife and it felt great. Been one day since we last fucked - gave her the prior night off - and I was feeling the urge last night. Night started off with her in some funk mood, but I decided to be strait forward and initiate sex, and she resisted. Then the fireworks started. She started bitching at me about some random bullshit about ""You don't do this or that"". Trying to deflect and start an argument - you know so she can get out of sex. I stopped her mid bitching and called her out that she was just trying to deflect and argue to ensure sex was off the table. She got pissed, I stayed cool. Then I asked for a strait answer, ""sex tonight, yes or no"". She gave the obvious ""I don't know"" trying to just drag me along like a puppy. While we are arguing she starts to get up to go take a shower. I expressed to her that I am talking and that it's bullshit to just walk away. She stopped and gave me a bitchy look. I told her since she can't give an answer, then I am making the call, no sex (At that moment you could see it in her face that she knew she lost control with sex as a tool). She then asked if I was done and if she could take a shower. Of course I said, ""thanks for asking for permission and yes take a shower. "" After the shower, I didn't sulk or complain about no sex. Just sat in the bedroom, ignored her, and watch some TV in silence. About 15 mins pass, and she says ""Ok I want to have sex"". Great! As I sat there, she came over gave me a blow job with out me asking, then I fucked her hard (so she knew who was in control). After ward, she thanked me and we went to bed. It works. Let go of fear, be a fucking man, own your shit, and your wife will beg to make you happy.",,60,Zer0FuksGiv3n,2019-10-18 15:28:21 marriedredpill,djevyu,"Don't Fucking Let People Get Away with Shit, Ever...","Recently I found myself torn between one decision and another. One: easy, but, frankly, shameful. Especially now. The other: more complicated. It would have consequences and it would have risk. Fuck it. I'm never again letting a goddamn soul on god's green earth fuck with me 'till I'm breathing my last breath, buried underground, or generally screwed and institutionalized. These choices have been rearing their exigent heads for four decades. They started when I was a kid. They continued into my teens. They kept going into my twenties. They occurred again in my thirties. And they're still happening now, in my forties. There are just too many goddamn assholes on this little planet for this shit *not* to happen and demand of you either (1) placating obeisance or (2) firm, decisive - and if needed - combative, consequential action. Maybe not like Iraq-combat and maybe not like the Canadian-navy-combat (go stoney), but instead, the kind of combat that happens day-in and day-out - to every tom, dick, and harry - and the kind of combat that can dictate whether you go to bed feeling like a panzy-ass douchebag or a man of strength and conviction. I took action. I struck first. When I was diagnosed with *""my little issue,""* I was extremely fearful of my personal challenges being sniffed out and discovered. I felt like I had a lot on the line and recognized that it could be damaging to my companies, my career, and my livelihood. It was made more scary when not too long after, Steve Jobs died. While I'm not Steve Jobs to the universe, I am - in my little world - Steve Jobs' fucking boss. *(After all, each of us are the center of our own worlds, the master of our own universe, and, frankly, who gives a fuck about a shiny phone anyway.)* That fear - since MRP is talking about fear a lot lately - stalked me and burdened me and gave me something more to endure - as though I needed more - to add to the steaming pile of shit that was already being spoon-fed to me after the news I'd just received - and it was being spoon-fed every goddamn, mother-fucking day. Fuck it. I'd clearly conditioned myself to be fearful of anyone who could be - or might be - or would be - or was - in a position to know my little secret - and even worse - to use it against me. Like, you imagine and perhaps know your wife can use your weakest moment of truth against you. Hell, I'd even let myself buckle in a lawsuit because of it. In the beginning. God damn. Granted, I had been sick. Real sick. At that time, I could have been dead any day. After all, competition never ends and in the real world, nobody is ""honoring"" you anyway. It's dog-eat-dog, mother-fuckers, and you better butch up to that if you want to get where you're going. *That said, I should have never capitulated, even if briefly, and I should never have given any fucker on this planet that kind of power over me.* (They didn't even know the power they wielded. It was largely in my head. ) That conditioning - my pernicious foe - like an insidious monster, had burrowed its way through my very being and had clearly fucking weakened me. This time, not too long ago, under equally scary, risky circumstances - titan v. titan if you will - I chose to strike first. And strike I did, details irrelevant. The point of this little post is this: --------- Do not let anyone ever fuck with you again. --------- Seriously. What you believe you risk is returned a-thousand-fold by what you gain, no matter the outcome. Your risk is imagined (though possibly true), while: * The courage of your convictions… * Your self-respect… * Your dignity… * And simply your ability to continue waking up and going to sleep - feeling like a man… … well, they're all real. And I know this from experience. And I assure you it's the truth. * Be strong. * Be bold. * Hit your foe first. * Hit him where it hurts. * And hit him hard. * But most importantly, don't ever back down, even if you're weak inside. You do that each and every time you face true adversity and it will have no choice but to seep into your day-to-day life with the little missus. That behavior is magnified by 100. Because, after all, you're a titan. She may not know it yet. You may not know it yet. But soon, you will. [p.s. This dude got me thinking about fear, initiative, action, and consequence, and he inspired me to post.](https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/ditpyu/fear_is_a_choice/) --------- p.p.s. Important postscript. I was thinking about this post wondering why I'd come up with it, why'd I posted. Was I simply peacocking? *Look, it's the dude who beat death again, look at him go. So tough.* No. I now introspectively recognize that a few times in my life, exactly and oddly correlating with my lifespan at once-per-decade - so four fucking times - I have been wronged. Hugely wronged. But that is not the crux of the matter. That I did not fight back and fight back hard, well, that is the issue. And it can stick inside like you some insidious creature devouring your innards though more cunningly chasing your soul. And - perhaps a bit dramatic - it has. So don't fucking let that happen. * Get your ass beaten, but kneel before no one. * Lose your shirt in court, but don't kowtow to your wife. * Close your business, but don't sell your soul to the devil. Does this mean to be risky, irresponsible, or stupid? Fuck no. But it does mean this: when you've lost it all - in my experience - the only thing left to cling to is your dignity and your self-respect. I used to watch those prison shows and their silliness about ""respect"" was just that: silliness. But when it comes to self-respect, it's the real deal. You don't ever want to wake up and realize that while you had lost everything, you've also lost your self-respect. There is no more fallow feeling than that. Choose pride, choose integrity, choose self-respect. Always. No failure, no financial problem, no fucking nothing has hurt me like losing sight of my pride, my integrity, and my self-respect.",,45,johneyapocalypse,2019-10-17 23:46:59 marriedredpill,ditpyu,Fear Is A Choice,"I'm writing because I gained insight from a somewhat strange source that helped me to more fully process a concept as a newbie. I want to give back and hope it can help others who are just getting started like me. I'm really not covering anything new here but it's coming from a different angle so it may have value for some of you. I watched this movie called After Earth last night. Shit movie overall, but my subconscious found truth in certain themes in the film. One of the main characters is a guy who is the only one able to fight aliens genetically designed to hunt and kill humans by smelling their ""fear"" pheromones because he was able to master himself and his reactions to his environment to such an extent that he doesn't release those pheromones. He's literally invisible to the aliens. The part that made me think, is when he describes how he does this. He basically describes his frame: ""Fear is not real. The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist. That is near insanity. Do not misunderstand me, danger is very real, but fear is a choice."" The application to MRP is obvious. When I fear arguing with my wife because I want to avoid that conflict and so I modify my behavior to avoid even the *possibility* of that conflict, that entire scenario never actually happened. *It was all in my head* and I let my fear control me. Fear of rejection is never worse than the eventual regret of the missed opportunity. Even at my young age of 30, I can look back and see all the times in my life where I regret having not stepped up to a challenge, not talked to a girl or even a guy, not stood my ground in a confrontation. All the places where I let the fear in my head lead my life instead of living it authentically the way I really wanted to. How many other areas of my life are being limited or controlled by my own frame (or complete lack thereof?) *All of them. Every single area of my life is being controlled only by my own thoughts.* This can be either good or bad. When we have frame and we actively grab the reins of our own destiny, when we embrace Abundance and truly believe our possibilities are limitless, we set ourselves free to create the life we want. Obstacles, rejection, and setbacks become welcome additions to an otherwise boring path. It's all in our perception. When we allow our hamster to run wild and dictate to us what can and cannot be, we stifle our innate ability to create. We wallow in fear and regret, instead of simply feeling what we feel and then mastering our responses to those feelings. *We hold ourselves back out of fear and fear alone.* There is no other logical reason but fear to not ask for that raise or promotion when you know you've put in the work, to not game and initiate with your wife even if it's been years since you last had sex, to not start that business you've had an idea and passion for, etc etc etc. We are the masters of our lives, and Fear Is A Choice.",,43,AlohaMaui808,2019-10-16 18:44:56 marriedredpill,diqxo4,Half Repping," As I was reading through the OYS threads this morning, I couldn’t help but think of a dude at my gym. I don’t know his name, so I’ll call him Chester. Chester is strong. If he were reporting here, he would say that he benches 320 lbs and squats 405 lbs. Chester is also a weirdly proportioned. His upper body is way bigger than his lower body. Maybe it’s genetic. Maybe it’s how he dresses. But most likely, it’s because Chester is a half-repper. He half-reps his squats in the worst way. He is so far from a proper squat (like 6-8” above parallel) that it isn’t even close. But he also half-reps his bench, his chin-ups, his rows… I don’t know if you can half-rep a shrug, but if you can, he does it. I’m not a lifting expert and I’m not ever going to try to coach Chester. He is way more experienced than I am and has been lifting a lot longer than I have. But I don’t need to be an expert to tell that he isn’t doing the full range of motion. I didn’t give it too much thought until I watched another big guy at the gym. I’ll call him Adonis. Adonis squatted 405 lbs to parallel (and for reps) and it was a beautiful thing. You could tell it was a tough lift and that it took him awhile to get there. Adonis is also ripped as fuck and doesn’t have the weird body proportions that Chester does. Both Adonis and Chester are significantly stronger than I am. But the difference between them was huge. I would rather progress more slowly towards being Adonis than progress rapidly towards being Chester. Chester’s problem is that he will have to kill his ego and practically start over if he ever wants to do real squats. He (probably) isn’t willing to do that so he is stuck where he is. There are too many men here that are half-repping their OYS. Yeah, it’s hard, painful, and scary to go all the way down. You might fall over and do the walk of shame. But to get the results, you must do the hard work. You must grind it out. The weights don’t get easier – you get stronger. Owning your shit doesn’t get easier – you get stronger. And if you have been half-repping for awhile now, you are going to have kill your ego, go back to the beginning and practically start over. Either that or you end up with a weirdly proportioned marriage that you choose to be stuck with. Make your choice.",,61,Cloudy_Pirate,2019-10-16 15:32:20 marriedredpill,diffyv,[FR] It's Not What Is Said... It's Who Said It,"Story time then two lessons. &#x200B; I had a go-to setup for first dates as a young lad. There was a restaurant downtown... let's call it Joe's Pizza... near where I live and we would go there then go dancing or to a comedy club or something like that. I did it as a first date with every girl until I met my now-wife. I didn't do it with her. Our first date was somewhere else. &#x200B; Here's the problem though. I'm an idiot. So... when we got married and spent our first night of our honeymoon downtown, I thought I'd be smooth and get her food from Joe's Pizza for us to munch on in the room. I told her it was a surprise and expected her to be swept off her feet when I walked back in the hotel room with the pizza. Needless to say, at first she didn't understand and then was slightly annoyed / hurt by my mistake (though she hid it well). I still smashed though. &#x200B; Over the years, it's been mentioned a few times but never really a joke topic or anything like that. We've never actually eaten there either in our years of marriage. &#x200B; Fast forward to today. We are moving to a new city and had to contact one of our service providers to get the location changed. They wanted both of us on the line for whatever reason. One of the service questions was ""your favorite restaurant as a couple"" and without really thinking about it, I answered ""Joe's Pizza for sure"" with the cockiest tone I could muster. My wife laughed suddenly and the lady went on about getting us set up. &#x200B; A few min later I get a text. ""Ass."" I texted back a peach emoji and then the kissing heart. She texted back with a very interesting selfie. Is that extremely unusual in our marriage? Not anymore. Would that have happened a few years ago? Hell no. &#x200B; What's the change? Frame. Game. Attractiveness. Frame. A MAP. Visible abs. A 500# squat. Shoulders and traps that pop in a t-shirt. Frame. More $$. Frequent kino. DEVI. Frame. &#x200B; Here's lesson #1. Once you make some decent gains on attractiveness and frame, it's less about what you do or say and much more about how you do or say it. There are limits, of course. But... you get wayyyy more leeway to be whoever you want to be and say whatever you want to say if you have your shit together. An attractive guy can get a wildly different response saying the exact same thing as an unattractive guy. That is not a new or original thought but it's incredibly important. &#x200B; Here's lesson #2. It doesn't ***truly*** matter that my wife responded well. I mean, we are all here for sexual strategies and self-improvement so it's easy to measure success in terms of her responses. However, that's bullshit. Measuring your progress solely against a woman's reactions is a validation trap and speaks to a lack of real frame. Had she been in a shitty mood or had the kids just spilled milk on the carpet, thus causing her to respond poorly to my joke, that doesn't mean that my improvements don't matter. Regardless of how she responded, I still put myself out there. I still made the move. I still made the joke because I wanted to. That's the real improvement. &#x200B; That's also neither new nor original. However, it's even more important than #1. Do this shit for you. Not her. Don't hesitate to review her responses to gain a measure of how you are doing but don't let her be the only litmus test you use.",,75,CaptJohnLukeDiscard,2019-10-15 22:14:13 marriedredpill,di4thd,"Own Your Shit Weekly - October 15, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,23,AutoModerator,2019-10-15 08:24:23 marriedredpill,dhu98g,"[FR] Initiate Often, Confident Always","Most of my life I had no confidence. Whenever I would reach out to people, they'd reject me and I'd take that as validation of my self-perception that I was socially inept. My confidence was further broken - but I embraced this because I was a validation-seeker at that time, and even negative validation of my own self-perception was still validation all the same. This happened in my marriage over years as I would initiate with my wife. Rejection after rejection broke my confidence that I would ever succeed, until I eventually gave up and welcomed a long dead bedroom. Fast-forward a couple years. Shortly before finding the red pill, I started working out initiating sex again, expecting that because of some of my peripheral improvements I should see a changed response from my wife. I didn't. This was a covert contract: ""I improve myself, she responds sexually."" But I hadn't really improved myself. Sure, my physique got better from the tub of lard I'd been, but what I thought were improvements to my frame were actually hollow projections of what I had not yet become. What I thought were confident initiations due to my external behavior was really an internal way of dabbing my toes in the water. It was feigned confidence. Because I was merely playing games at confidence, when it didn't work I took that as further validation of my being a sexual failure. After swallowing the pill, I realized a subconscious shift in my interpretation of rejection. - Before: Frequent initiation and rejection validated my perception that I was a failure, **killing my confidence**. - After: Frequent initiation and rejection immunized me from the pain of rejection, **improving my confidence**. - Now: Confidence is authentic, rejection is rare. I had given up on initiating sex with my wife for a year and a half at one point - all due to the pain of rejection. When that pain had become severe enough, I developed a natural DNGAF attitude. I had hit rock-bottom so hard that her rejection no longer mattered to me. It was another drop in the ocean. When I started getting affirmation again, there was a brief temptation to salivate at the carrot dangled in front of me, hoping not to get the stick again ... but the next rejection quickly reminded me that I couldn't trust my wife with my emotions any more than I would trust a teenager with my financial portfolio. It's a bad investment. _____ Here's where I screwed up: more recently, I've stopped initiating. I didn't feel like I had to. After all, she was doing most of the initiation for a while anyway. So, after a couple weeks, I caught myself asking: ""Why isn't she initiating like she used to?"" Now, I start rationalizing that it's because she worked over 90 hours last week due to a busy-season deadline. Probably some truth there. But there were also openings I didn't take. At the end of the day, the answer to my question was simple: *Because she's a woman.* Women are primarily sexually responsive. I had stopped giving her anything to respond to. What's more interesting is the small voice in the back of my head that used to be a dominant air-horn, now whispering: ""She just worked 17 hours today. If you initiate, you'll get rejected, so it's pointless to initiate."" Tell that voice to screw off. I stopped initiating, my anti-confident thoughts started returning. In reality: *so what if she rejects me due to her 17 hour work-day?* First, maybe some sexual release would be good for her to relieve the stress - but even that is still in her frame. Better just to initiate and either (1) end up having hot stress-relief sex (is that a thing?), or (2) get rejected, making it clear to my subconscious that it's pointless to try taking away my confidence because rejection is not a fear that cripples my confidence, but an invitation that bolsters it. _____ **Axiom**: If you develop confidence through successes, your confidence only lasts while you are successful. If you develop it by immunizing yourself against failure, the confidence can never be broken.",,132,Red-Curious,2019-10-14 17:53:06 marriedredpill,dfxg9e,Red Pill observations at a coaching seminar,"Yesterday I was at breakfast business seminar. It was a small intimate affair about 16 people plus the speaker. 13 women 3 men. 1 gust speaker (Male). The speaker was early 30's very fit, dressed business casual but impeccable. Very well groomed. I could see all the women were completely focused on this guy and their panties were wet. He was pitching his coaching businesses. He was explaining how he had become so successful . As he was explaining this, I realized he was Red Pill. 1. Gets up at 3 A.M. 2. Eats a healthy Breakfast 3. Hits the Gym 4. Dresses impeccably 5. Gets his hair cut regularly 6. Keeps his beard groomed. 7. Focuses on his goals and meets them. He was explaining what had motivated him to get there. He was describing a Blue Pilled person but not using the words ""Blue Pill"" or ""Beta"" His marriage had broken up and he started reading a lot of books on relationships and business success. He figured out what he needed to do and explained how he got to his present self. I went up to him later and started asking questions. He has remarried and has been for a while but I got that he was not familiar with the term Red Pill as we use it. I was thinking that here is a guy who is Red Pilled and he doesn't know it.",,69,surfsusa,2019-10-10 12:41:49 marriedredpill,dfhe8a,"You are the leader, but what kind of leader?","I want to lead and do it efficiently, so I read to understand where I stand and where I should be. I do this for me and for those around me, in home, school, work and social events. Because the man is the true center of his social group, and as the captain, he can lead the ship to property or wreck it while trying. No third option: NO way he delegates this responsibility. If he is to lead, he can't do it without following his convictions. Thus, to build frame and acquire the wisdom of strong leaders, we tend to try and copy habits of highly successful leaders ""fake it till you make it"". Failing to realize what suits him at a given situation, under calculated problems may get too big of an action. We need to understand where did our goals are coming from at different stages of development as we are swallowing the pill. *How can we realize what suits what then?* ""if you want to be the chief of something, you have to do it all the way"" That's when you accept to work as a secretary for the chief editor of a journal, and in 2 years, you become a reviewer, an assistant editor, an associate editor, then.. you replace an editor in Chief of a journal, someone in the same position of who hired you as his secretary. But you need the vision, the conviction, the ability to make choices on the fly and take risks. Otherwise, 2 years passes by and you find yourself still in a secretary for the good times you have and the limits that you set for yourself. Or, you may have gotten sidetracked and lost yourself and vision, even though you are working directly under the chief who you once wanted to copy him in everything as your idol, instead of using him as inspiration only. Same thing applies in home, if you start as a child who was deprived of his masculinity and forced to act nice to cover who you truly are, you grow up as a weak snowflake lair who get by in life by cutting corners and deceiving people. Life throw at us the Red Pill, and it's up to us how to swallow it and apply any advice from the wealth of knowledge at a given situation. As a beginner, take my post with a grain of salt: Here is what you need to have in your developing frame as a leader: *I want to lead everyone to success but I need to lead myself first. What do I need to know about a leader? What is he doing to perfect his role?* First, **a leader and a manager are similar but not the same**. *The Captain* should skillfully achieve both roles so he knows what is he doing at a given time and change his leadership style, if necessary, as he is keeping everything under the control of his frame and plays skillfully within limits or break given limits. The manager: Mission and purpose oriented, focused internally on status quo. He is well aware of the rules he gave to everyone in his circle to play within his frame. The leader: Vision and goal oriented, focused externally. He is more concerned about strategic change and unbridled possibilities and opportunities. The manager: Approaches issues as technical problems. With authority, he leads and direct within his limited span of knowledge to the subjects he mastered. While STFU when he doesn't know what he is doing and goes to r/askMRP to seek help The leader: Distinguishes between adaptive and technical issues. He is comfortable with ambiguity though, and leads with his conviction, vision and charisma. He has the skills of knowing ""how to learn"" anything, and is able to find resources. Because he read the side bar, when he goes to r/askMRP he asks for a rod, not to be given a fish. Now the Captain assuming the leadership role that was assigned to him based on his gender, he formulated his vision, mission and measurable goals. *How does he distinguish the core type of action performed in a given situation*? He needs to measure the dose. **Too much of anything can be harmful as much as too little.** Thus, he has to know if he is leading in a transactional ""managerial"" or transformational ""leadership"" style. With managerial skills: An ordinary performance is satisfactory to transactional leaders, because it's already hard to keep frame and maintain status quo. He is playing well in his rule with the knowledge he has and skills he developed. With leadership skills: Transformational leader wants to produce extraordinary performance to CHANGE status quo, by changing the rules. The manager: His goals arise out of necessity, quick in reaction to respond to ideas and issues. His strong frame arose from deeply embedded concepts formulated from his own experience and history. Solves problems with the limited choices he has as he rationalize and control the issues at hand. He emotionally detaches himself from his goals, he does what it takes to achieve them, nothing is personal, as his incentive is based on the exchange of needs. The leader: His goals arise out of desires. He is active, not reactive, in shaping ideas. He may departures from his personal beliefs and history to try something completely new if it aligns with his vision. Develops fresh approaches to long lasting problems, with innovative and creative mindset. The outcomes of his goals are personal, as his incentive is based on the greater good. *What does it take to play transactional or transformational approach of leadership*? The manger: For him to play a transactional style of leadership, his locus of reward is to maximize personal benefit and for that he has to be persistence, tough-minded, hard-working, intelligent and analytic. Thus, he negotiates and bargains, uses rewards, punishment, and sometimes, he has to use other forms of coercion. All of that striving to convert win-lose into win-win situations, as part of the process of reconciling differences among people and maintaining frame and balances of power. The leader: For him to play a transformational style of leadership, his locus of reward is to optimize systemic benefits. For that he needs to have balls. Genius and heroism are what he requires. Thus, he inspire followers, creates shared vision, motivates. All of that to create new situations and new directions without regard to reconciling groups or power. Personal Competence is the foundation of the **Emotional Intelligence** for a leader to directly impact morale, turnover and relationships. This competence comes from self awareness and self management. The Captain masters himself first and must reach out to help others. Leadership can be learned by reflection, goal-setting emphasizing soft skills, practice, and assessment, challenge, and support. Challenge yourself first, be the best version you could be, own your shit! Great leaders are made by experience, by the work of insight, by personal growth, and by learning from mentors!",,39,mrpmonk,2019-10-09 13:56:30 marriedredpill,dfjsvm,Measuring BF% Progress - Stop Deluding Yourselves," Gents- &#x200B; Reading through the OYS posts, we either have an amazingly high number of ripped AF but weak guys... or you guys are lying out your ass about your BF%. You know who you are so I don’t need to call you out here. But if you are at 1.5x BW or less for your squat / deadlift and claim to be under 15% BF, that's bullshit 95% of the time. The other 5% are just weak AF. Why does this matter? Three reasons. First, lower BF %s are tied to higher health markers including happiness, quality of life, and life expectancy. Second, lower BF% is also tied to getting more tingles. Third, if you aren’t accurately measuring where you are now, you can’t truly measure progress or change. So what’s going on? These guys are lying, delusional, or using gimmicky methods. That's understandable... the vast majority of the population grossly underestimates BF%. Yes, that probably includes you. Shady sales tactics, faulty equipment, and an ‘everybody is a winner’ mindset all contribute to this problem. Here’s how to fix it. First of all, find a reliable method of measuring your BF%. This is going to be more expensive than the shitty methods. It's also going to be more of a time investment, probably causing you to have to make an appointment somewhere and drive to / from. Shitty methods include the ubiquitous calipers and electrical impedance scales. You can literally change the readouts by several % points on these by measuring twice in a row and flexing during one reading and not the other. Good (or at least better) methods include the pods that measure atmosphere changes (rare / expensive), hydrostatic testing, and DEXA scans (‘best’ method that’s commonly accessible). The gold standard is a multi-headed approach where you get measured across several parameters several different ways such as hydro for volume, 3D scans for fat content, DEXA for bone to muscle, etc. but that’s impractical for anyone here. Keep in mind that these methods aren’t perfect and you need to be consistent in how you approach the measuring (similar time of day, eating vs fasted, hydration levels, etc.) if you want the most accurate measurements over time. Here’s a decent video on BF% in men. [https://youtu.be/DdG3QfmjpvU](https://youtu.be/DdG3QfmjpvU) The video shows a few important points: 1. People carry fat differently which can affect aesthetics. 2. Even DEXA scans aren’t perfect for comparing one person to another… they are better at measuring progress in one person over time. 3. Most of the guys here posting in OYS claiming to be under 15% are just full of shit and deluding themselves. In sum, it’s important for us to be honest with ourselves and where we are actually at. That’s the whole point of being accountable to yourself and others. If you are lying to yourself when you say that you are at 15% when you are actually more like 24%, that’s going to impede your progress. So man up, find a good place to get measured, and track that quarterly / semi-annually / whatever in keeping with your goals. Stop deluding yourselves.",,17,CaptJohnLukeDiscard,2019-10-09 16:50:30 marriedredpill,dfakgt,The Coma Victim,"I see a lot of posts on here from guys who say something along the lines of ""I was in a dead bedroom for years and then I found out my wife cheated on me years ago. Now I've gotten my shit together and we're having great sex but I'm angry at my wife for cheating on me years ago when I was a faggot."" These posts bother me a little bit because the poster is upset at his wife, when in fact AWALT. Any other woman would have done the same damn thing in that situation. If you stop being a man for years, of course the wife is going to run off and get some action on the side. If you fell into a coma for a decade, and the doctors said ""We don't know when or if he'll ever wake up"" would you really be mad at your wife if she had sex with somebody else five years into your coma while you were effectively dead to the world? If it makes you feel better then go get some of your own cheating action on the side to ""get even"" but don't be upset at women for being women. It seems to me these posters are upset that ""their wife did something wrong"" and don't realize that all women in that situation behave that way. It's not a case of ""your wife is defective"" it's a case of ""you were defective."" Channel your anger into improving your lifts.",,43,0io-,2019-10-09 02:22:07 marriedredpill,df0oxb,"OYS posts are for you to own YOUR shit, not to blab about shit that's out of your control.","The fuck is going on in OYS? It's like every single OYS post is failing at basic frame control. Frame control is the mindset and reference through which you engage the world -- shit outside of your reality and control doesn't matter. And the overwhelming number of you guys are failing at this TERRIBLY. ### Failure 1 :: She statements It seems like every single post has at least 50% of the post dedicated to some shit or other about your wife. The number of ""She...."" statements is getting to the point where OYS isn't actually valuable for most of your posts. You are spending waaay too much time and effort focusing on something that is outside of your control. If you want to focus on your wife's perspectives, responses, or thought process -- you're allowed to, but only if you have her write those sections directly. If you can't get her to write her about her mindset, focus on the shit that you can control, which are your mindset, thoughts, and actions. Because honestly, I don't give a fuck about her -- and I especially don't give a fuck about your mental representation of her. OYS is for you, by you -- but don't waste your own time and the reader's time focusing on 1) shit you can't control, and 2) shit that ultimately doesn't matter. As a result of this - we now have **Rule 9**, which states >OYS is about taking ownership of the things YOU control, not about other parties like your wife, dog, boss, etc. The vast majority of the focus should be on your mindset, your thoughts, and your actions. The primary agent for your post is a third party -- and as a result you've wasted your own time. (Standard ban duration :: 10 days.) ### Failure 2 :: Your wife's golden pussy, held under lock and key Common theme 2 is how you guys write about your sex life with your wife. And the way you guys are approaching this is from a scarcity mindset. Many guys as writing as if your wife is the gatekeeper to sex. In a world with 8+ billion people, this is patently not true. Your wife is only the gatekeeper of sex **with her**. If you've made the choice that you're only going to have sex with your wife. That's on you. That's your personal decision. You need to very much own it. And as a result, when she doesn't fuck you -- you don't get to complain, because you've put yourself in that position. You don't get to lock yourself in a cage, and complain about being locked in a cage. If you think that because you're doing all this self improvement, your wife should WANT to fuck you. Again, you're wrong. We've stated repeatedly that MRP has nothing to do with your wife -- and that doing this for your wife to fuck you is the worst covert contract you'll have. You have NO say in what she does or how she reacts. None. She is free to make whatever choice she wants. Just because you do the work, doesn't mean she's going to want to fuck you. All it means that someone will probably fuck you, maybe, but if you're locking yourself in a cage by your own choice, you don't get to bitch. **Again, just so we're very clear, MRP is not a program that will get your wife to fuck you.** And this is especially true when you continue to have a shitty mindset. As a result of this - we now have **Rule 10**, which states >OYS is about taking ownership of the things YOU control, not about other parties like your wife, dog, boss, etc. The vast majority of the focus should be on your mindset, your thoughts, and your actions. You are complaining about a situation you willingly put yourself into. That's a no go. (Standard ban duration :: 15 days.)",,116,[deleted],2019-10-08 14:26:39 marriedredpill,dex3ey,"Own Your Shit Weekly - October 08, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,24,AutoModerator,2019-10-08 08:24:22 marriedredpill,ddqvci,Glossary of Notes to Increase Lifts: The Olympic Lifts,"In case anybody gives a fuck, here’s a couple of tricks that I have learned over the years to increase your technique, efficiency, and numbers in the Olympic Lifts: Assistance Exercises to Improve Olympic Lifts: - Pulls From a Deficit (develops the ability to brace the core, and generate more power output when pulling from from the floor aka making it harder so the “real thing” is easier) - Pulls From the Blocks (Develops the lats, grip, Rhomboids, and traps without the CNS fatigue of pulling from the floor.. strengthens the transition from first-second pull, and the complete second pull) - Pulls From the Hang Position (Develops the ability to generate inertia through the second pull without the momentum transfer from the first pull/from the floor.. strengthens the transition between the first and second pull without the CNS fatigue of pulling from the floor) - Pendlay Rows (develops the grip, biceps, lats, and core strength, which all help increase the strength in all three pulls, also improves technique and positioning, the ability to “keep the bar close”) - Overhead Squats (mimics the bottom of a Snatch, develops ability to sit in the bottom after receiving the bar, improve core strength and stability in the bottom of a snatch, and increase power output for when driving from bottom to full lockout) - Front Squats (mimics the bottoms of a Clean, develops quad and core strength, and increase power output for when driving from bottom to full lockout) - Jerks from the Blocks (develops proficiency-through-practice of the jerk, without having to clean from the floor, can also drop the bar from lockout back onto the blocks without doing a “negative”, which unnecessarily fatigues the shoulders) - Barbell Overhead Press (develops the anterior and medial delts, triceps, and grip for maximal power output and lockout strength in the jerk by training a similar but much weaker movement/ form of press). - experiment with different grips and stances to emphasize different muscles more (ie. heels touching, with feet pointed in a “V” shape, with a snatch grip for increased trap and lat development) - Core Strength exercises.. eg. GHD back extensions, Planks, Oblique Exercises (a weak core is the cause of many a’failed Overhead Presses, aside from inability to retract the scapulas correct, as well as chest/lat mobility) - Scapular-Retraction exercises (Eg. Slow-Tempo Rear-Delt Flies with a resistance band, Face Pulls, and Crossover Symmetry - Develops scapular health for healthier shoulders and better scapular positions/technique in the Oly Lifts, as well as stronger pulls. Weak scapular retraction is a major cause of many a’failed Snatch and Clean attempts) - Technique Practice aka Practice with an empty barbell or below 50% of 1RM (develops ability to “set up”, maintain positioning, practice timing and speed, training all three pulls, the ability to “move around the bar”, improve the receiving position, as well as practicing driving from the bottom to full lockout), performing to the movement with perfect positioning from start to finish. Moving your self “around the bar”, instead of moving the bar around you - while keeping the bar path as straight/vertical to the floor as possible from first pull to receiving position is the hidden secret to many failed olympic lifts. - Thoracic-Extension Mobility Exercises (poor thoracic Extension is the hidden secret of many a’failed Olympic Lifts particularly the snatch) - Hip and Hamstring Mobility (better positioning, more stability, better power output, better lifts) - Ankle Mobility (see above) Mental Cues of the Clean and Snatch: Snatch - Find your set up position - stay “over the bar” (shoulders over the bar) - activate your lats - do not relax your lats - back tight with a neutral spine - shave your chest (with the bar) keep the bar close to you during the whole movement - pull, and move around the bar - not the bar moving around you - elbows up and out - punch up on the bar with arm pits out - catch, stabilize, before driving/ standing - always think up; get out of the hole fast - maintaining a neutral spine, staying on the heels, and knees-out, drive to full lockout Clean - stay “over the bar” - back tight with a neutral spine - hang onto the heels as you pull - “keep the bar close” through the pull - Shave your chest (with the bar) - pull, and move around the bar - catch, stabilize, before driving/ standing - always think up; get out of the hole fast - maintaining a neutral spine, staying on the heels, and knees-out, drive to full lockout Split Jerk - “dip’n’drive” - neutral spine, brace the core, dip, drive the bar up and back (bar arching up and slightly backward from a side angle view to the receiving position with arms locked out overhead) - step out like you're squashing a bug - bend your back knee - head through with arms locked out - toes pointed in - catch, stabilize, step in with neutral spine and core braced to lockout Collection of online sources include: - Catalyst Athletics YouTube Channel (Great Resource for getting detailed breakdowns of the Lifts) - Hookgrip YouTube and Instragram (Great Resource for studying the best lifters in the world training and their technique) - MDUSA YouTube Channel - CrossFit.com Olympic Lifting Cues videos are great for beginners and getting the basics Reasons you may be failing and how to improve: Positioning, timing, and speed, are important factors in the Olympic Lifts, but you also want the strength to be able to do so under maximal load. As with all kinetic chains, there is always a weak point and the Oly Lifts are no exception. If you struggle with pulling from the floor, your hamstrings and glutes may be weak. You also may be over-trained. This is arguably the most taxing portion of the movement in terms CNS activation, and if you have an excess of accumulated fatigue, you are more prone to getting stuck here. If you struggle with getting past the knee-mid thigh, your glutes, hamstrings, and/or upper back (traps, rhomboids, lats) may be weak. If you struggle with keeping the bar close to you during any portion of the movement, you may have weak upper back, lats, and glutes. If you struggle with drop-speed (dropping into the receiving position), you may have poor mobility and technique. If you collapse and/or drop the bar from the receiving position, your core strength, technique, positioning, and mobility may be be weak, and will need to fix that in order to improve. If you struggle with driving out of the bottom to full lockout? your core strength and squat may be weak (think OHD squat - snatch, front squat for clean). If you struggle with driving the bar off your chest from the dip in the jerk, shoulders, core, quads, and glutes and positioning may be weak. Keep in mind that doing mobility work to improve thoracic extension, hip and ankle mobility, and core strength - will basically guarantee you lift more weight, because instead of wasting energy by fighting to stay in proper position, you’ll instead be in proper position and using all of that energy to focus on maximal power output through the kinetic chain. Again, these are common points where guys hit plateaus, and how they can overcome them with the Olympic Lifts. Will post again next week with",,29,NeoTheJuanDJ,2019-10-05 18:09:14 marriedredpill,dbqaao,"Own Your Shit Weekly - October 01, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,28,AutoModerator,2019-10-01 08:24:22 marriedredpill,d98kwv,OYS. Go post now. Maybe find your Morpheus.,"**Lurkers or noobs:** When I first came here, I did the same as you. I lurked in reading the top posts. Combed through thousands of words for information to learn what MRP was. Maybe I started the sidebar a bit. I kept seeing flaired people here telling people to ""STFU, Lift and sidebar"". I spent countless hours reading through past OYS and reading their stories hoping that they would be in a similar situation I was in and I would find a path to fix things through them. I pondered whether to join in the weekly thread where people read about all your shortcomings and sometimes achievements. I didn't have many achievements to speak of. I did not want to post because I was truthfully afraid of starting it *for real*. I could continue to dabble in the sidebar forever... but somewhere, deep down, I knew that if I was going to succeed I needed to be held accountable. Before I posted in OYS, the only person accountable to me was... me. And how did that turn out? Not so great, man. I wasn't happy at all with things. The person that I should be accountable to *was* me, but I was *so fucked up myself* I did what I was afraid to do. I posted to OYS. The first comment I ever got? ""[Are you a beanstalk?](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/9yqa1j/own_your_shit_weekly_november_20_2018/ea57ues?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x)"" (thanks /u/weakandsensitive) All my worst fears, confirmed. I was just here to be made fun of. How was that going to help??? I knew I wasn't the man I wanted to be. Yet here I was, attempting a path that would *maybe* make me a better man and the first thing I get is ridicule? It's all the design, faggots. But let me tell you the beauty in all of that... I could chose to think this random internet stranger was just being a fucking dick to me, I could choose to ignore it, or I could choose to evaluate his comment. So I chose the latter - to evaluate this comment against my own ego and plan. You know what? He was right, and it changed my plan. I shed a little bit of ego that day. That's what MRP is designed to do. Guide you - if you want to work hard for it - to a place where your ego never gets in your way. Somewhere along my journey of just grinding, and trying *really fucking hard* because I really did care about myself and my wife (gasp!) and my children (of course!)... some comments in my OYS from a man here drew my attention. I think he understood what I was trying to do, and something he said helped me get to a better place. If I hadn't posted in OYS, I never would have gotten that help. **This man through his own patience and goodwill - who still remains a complete stranger to me in real life - took his time to help me choose my own path and help guide me on it. And whew - I took a lot of his time.** I still had to do all of the work. I won't call him out here because I know he'd hate it and also don't want all you faggots PM'ing him all the time.... but you know who you are, dude. Thank you. From everything I have in my soul as a man - thank you. You were my Morpheus. **I only learned much later that helping me was** ***part of his mission.*** But see, my Morpheus had a Morpheus too. It was /u/jacktenofhearts (great listing of [his work here](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/88mbvb/quick_links_for_all_of_jacktenofhearts_posts/)). If you give some of that dude's comments a read, it'll blow your mind. Without OYS, you will never find a Morpheus if you need one. And you probably do need one. &#x200B; **Flaired Guys, Mods:** I feel it's our duty to give back to these men in any way that we can. I'm not talking about the faggots that show up once in a while, post retarded shit to /r/askMRP or don't seem to be making any progress week to week. Fuck those guys. You know them when you see them if you've been around here long enough. What I'm talking about are those guys that are struggling to figure anything out but at least they are ""STFU, Sidebar, Lifting"" their way to confusion. You have valuable advice, give it. If a ""man"" (loosely used here) sends you a PM and you see he's been doing the work, maybe give him a pointer or two. He was lost like all of us here at some point, and he's only seeking knowledge. You should be the judge if he deserves your valuable time to return that message. One of the most valuable things that I've experienced here is actually watching some of the guys that I exchange OYS comments or PMs with progress on their journey. Maybe the time that I invested in them was just as valuable to them. Of course I waste my time with faggots as well, but I know I can quickly weed them out. So help a dude if it helps your mission. We want them to find the truth in the way that men should be today. We want a stronger masculine set of men to share this shit with. It's what helps my mission. Maybe it does yours. Encourage them all to post in OYS so they can find their own Morpheus if they need one. It doesn't have to be you. Pointing a man in the right direction is allowing him to give the gift of freedom to himself. He still has to choose it.",,67,HornsOfApathy,2019-09-25 19:52:59 marriedredpill,d9956n,About Feedback,"In the book *Ultralearning* by Scott Young, he describes how Chris Rock would test new material at a New York comedy club. Gauging the audience's reaction would help Rock decide if a skit was worth keeping, modifying, or eliminating. Feedback is crucial when we are taking on tasks. Even subconsciously, we take feedback in numerous forms and use that information to modify our paths. Without it, we neither learn nor grow. How we take the feedback is just as crucial. According to Young, there are three types of feedback. **Outcome Feedback** This is a very broad level of feedback with no specific details.If you make a pass at your wife but get rejected, it is feedback. There may be a generic ""headache"" response or something similar but there really is no way of knowing why the attempt failed. If you fail a lift, it could be because you're weak, because you're tired, or your diet, or... What can we do with this type of feedback? We can eliminate the variables. If I'm failing to break 200 on squats I can assess my sleep quality, caloric intake or stress levels. Answering these questions for one failure does not give you the reason for the failure. It merely helps you identify potential issues. It's on you to find the correlations. For you spreadsheet nerds out there, you can run your analytics on this shit. **Informational Feedback** This is when you post a video of your failed BP to some forum and you get responses such as, ""your forearm is angled"" or ""you're not driving through your legs."" The fuck does that mean? Informational feedback tells us what we're doing wrong, but not necessarily how to fix it. Is your forearm supposed to be angled? Which way? And how am I supposed to drive with my legs? Drive what? **Corrective Feedback** Remember those instances with your girl when you're getting intimate, you slide your hand into her panties. There's some nice juicy flow between the interacting of your fingers and her clit. You start rubbing around gently in little circular patterns, not on top but just to the side, just like she likes. ""Faster."" You increase your speed a little bit, moving a little faster but keeping that pattern consistent. Her eyes are closed but you hear her breadth become heavier. She lets out a little moan. ""Faster."" You go a little faster. Her hips are swaying up and down. That breath continues to deepen. She grabs onto you and squeezes. The hips start thrusting more rapidly. Stop fapping fuckers. That's corrective feedback. Corrective feedback doesn't just tell us what we're doing wrong, but how to fix it. ""Your arm is angled; you need to be vertical from the bar to your elbow."" This type of feedback is obviously best for quick results. However, it's not necessarily best for learning. After all, if you're told exactly how to do something it removes the need for exploration which can be a whole hella fun. --- How can we improve feedback? **Noise Cancellation** Don't assume any feedback you get will resolve your issue. This would be the noise that hides the signal. ""My wife won't sleep with me!"" ""Lift!"" Are you going to change how you game your wife just because you're lifting? Or not? You need to filter through the noise to find the signal. And there is always signal. **Difficulty** ""My wife won't sleep with me!"" ""Did you try?"" We get it. You've been rejected countless times. Your ego is bruised. Your shattered. ""I'm not going to take this abuse much longer,"" you mumble to yourself as you storm off to your cold shower. It's easy to avoid difficult challenges. The more difficulty we face, the more it reveals not just the current situation of our lives but ourselves. If we see an attractive woman coming towards us we can ignore it and realize we're scared and have no interest in potentially being embarrassed in front of all zero people staring at you at that moment. Or, you can watch and wait for her to make eye contact which she won't because she's off in her own world and doesn't give two shits about you but hey, at least you can blame the failed interaction on someone else, right? Or, you can say hi, make eye contact, flash a smile, keep walking. Or, say hi, make eye contact, flash a smile, stop her, make conversation, get her name. Or, ...you get the point. All of these scenarios offer invaluable feedback. The more difficult the scenario, the more valuable the feedback. Getting into these difficult scenarios allows you to make adjustments based on the feedback received and gain experience. **Metafeedback** Young describes this method as evaluating the overall success of your strategy. Let's go back to lifting. If I just failed my squats at 200 but I set a new PR on BP that very same night, then is it safe to say that my reason for failure is not due to diet or sleep or stress or nutrition but simply because I'm weak in the muscles needed for a 200lb squat? Of course. If I'm consistently failing to progress, this is metafeedback to my lifting strategy. Something has to change. Maybe you need to incorporate more rest time between your sets? Work on your overall strategy to find the best solution that fits you. **High-Intensity, Rapid Learning** Expose yourself as much as possible to that task you are trying to learn. We can't do this with lifting. But, we can apply it if we're trying to have better social skills with our wives or flirting with strange women or just meeting new people to improve your social circle. Just throw yourself into a situation, no fucks to give, and let it go. Each attempt whether successful or not will be fresh in your mind with the next attempt. Maybe the one thing you thought was perfect the last attempt fails the next attempt. Regardless, each attempt will garner new information. Faster...",,21,ImNotSlash,2019-09-25 20:31:47 marriedredpill,d8k816,"Own Your Shit Weekly - September 24, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,27,AutoModerator,2019-09-24 08:24:22 marriedredpill,d7klkt,Glossary of Notes to Increase Lifts: The Overhead Press,"In case anybody gives a fuck, here’s a couple of tricks that I have learned over the years to increase your overhead press: Assistance Exercises to Improve Overhead Press: - Seated Barbell/ Dumbbell Overhead Press (develops anterior and medial delts, grip, triceps, and shoulder stabilizers to assist with pressing strength and hypertrophy of the shoulders) - Incline Bench Press (develops upper chest and shoulder stability - Handstand Push-ups (develops forearms, neck and cervical spine, core, and constant time-under tension on shoulders under limited range of motion. Translates to increased balance, core stability, lactic threshold, and better drive in the press, an overlooked aspect of the lift) - Dumbbell Side Lateral Raises (develops medial delts to assist with pressing strength and hypertrophy of the shoulders) - Plate Front-Raises (develops anterior delts for shoulder hypertrophy and conditioning) - Klokov Presses (develops ability to engage the quads, glutes, and core while using weaker grip width (snatch grip), and generate more power output when driving through the press aka making it harder so the “real thing” is easier) - Cuban Presses (develops Rear, medial and anterior delts, traps, rhomboids, and shoulder stabilizers. Also increases external rotational strength of the shoulder, and mind-muscle connection, for maximal stability, activation, and structural integrity of the joint when applied to the actual press) - Barbell Shrugs (develops grip, upper traps, and surrounding neck muscles for optimal cervical spine stability during the Overhead Press) - Triceps Exercises (Skull crushers, cable pushdowns, Tricep kickbacks, develops maximal pressing and driving force from beginning of movement-to-lockout) - Core Strength exercises.. eg. GHD back extensions, Planks, Oblique Exercises (a weak core is the cause of many a’failed Overhead Presses, aside from inability to retract the scapulas correct, as well as chest/lat mobility) - Scapular-Retraction exercises (Eg. Slow-Tempo Rear-Delt Flies with a resistance band, Face Pulls, and Crossover Symmetry - Develops scapular health for healthier shoulders and spine/ injury prevention, as well as scapular positioning for maximal power output during the Overhead Press. Weak scapular retraction is one of the two main causes of a weak Overhead Press) - Chest, Anterior Delt, and Lat mobility exercises (better positioning, more stability, better power output, better lifts) Mental Cues of the Overhead Press: The key to a stronger Overhead Press is a combination of strength, positioning, and speed. You want to initiate the standing overhead press by first setting your grip width (A solid and common grip width for the overhead press is to grip the bar just-outside-of-your-shoulder-width), and utilizing a “false grip” around the bar (not having your thumbs wrapped around the bar. This allows for better muscle activation in shoulders, increased pressing strength and wrist angle more optimal for maximal power output, as well as maintenance of shoulder and wrist health in the long term). Now that you have your grip width set, and using a “false-grip”, while holding this position, you want to retract your scapulas (by pulling your shoulders back, and down). Now that your grip is set, scapulas are retracted, you now want to brace your core, keeping a neutral spine. You should be rock-solid and stable. Now that your grip is set, maintaining a neutral spine, you now want to take a deep breath, pulling into your diaphragm, hold it, and brace your core. You are now ready to engage the press. As you engage the overhead press, the first thing you want to do is to maintain a neutral spine, scapulas retracted, core braced, while simultaneously flexing your quads, glutes, and core. This will allow you to create as much tension in your body as possible, which will translate into increased power output, because you can now increase the force you apply as you drive through the bar. With a neutral spine, scapulas retracted, core braced, while simultaneously flexing your quads, glutes, and core, you want to drive through the bar to lockout, maintaining constant tension on your delts, and spine completely vertical to the floor (without leaning back). Keeping a neutral spine, scapulas retracted, core braced, while simultaneously flexing your quads, glutes, and core, as you drive through the bar to lockout. Once you reach full lockout, maintaining a neutral spine, scapulas retracted, core braced, while simultaneously flexing your quads, glutes, and core, you want to feel as if you are as immovable as you were in your “set-up” position. Once in the lockout position, maintaining an immovable frame of neutral spine, scapulas retracted, core braced, while simultaneously flexing your quads, glutes, and core, you now want to reverse-engineer the everything you did for the concentric portion of the lift now for the eccentric portion of the lift (negative). This means neutral spine, scapulas retracted, core braced, while simultaneously flexing your quads, glutes, and core from lockout, slowly lowering the bar using triceps keeping constant tension in the anterior delts, as the bar lowers, to the starting position or “bottom” of the press. Reasons you may be failing and how to improve: Positioning, timing, and speed, are important factors in the Overhead Press, but you also want the strength to be able to do so under maximal load. As with all kinetic chains, there is always a weak point and the overhead press is no exception. If you struggle with producing enough force to create the inertia to move the bar at all off the chest/ starting position, your shoulders, upper chest, triceps, and core may be weak. If you struggle with getting the bar past the “sticking point” (half-way point on the concentric portion of the lift), your shoulders, triceps, and core may be weak. If you are all over the place and not “solid” or steady throughout any portion of the overhead press, you probably have a weak core need to strengthen that to improve. Also, keep in mind that doing lat, chest and anterior Delt mobility, having a solid and well-practiced “set-up” position consisting of optimal grip width for you, neutral spine, constant scapular retraction, and driving through the bar by flexing your quads, glutes and core throughout the entire press - will basically guarantee you lift more weight, because instead of wasting energy by fighting to stay in proper position, you’ll instead be in proper position and using all of that energy to focus on maximal power output through the kinetic chain. Again, these are common points where guys hit plateaus, and how they can overcome them with the overhead press. Will post again next week with the Olympic Lifts.",,67,NeoTheJuanDJ,2019-09-22 02:37:51 marriedredpill,d6hd97,"""Manning 101"" and the MRP End Game","Any grown-up human who fails to ""adult"" is a worthless drag on society, and on anyone unfortunate enough to be attached to them. Similarly, any adult male who fails to ""man"" is just a sterile, androgynous, inferior sort of dude/woman-with-a-penis who adds little value to any woman. *Edit:* What follows lists representative behaviors and traits expected of all men; it is not intended as a complete checklist. These ""masculine"" traits are mostly not ""Alpha"" (sexually attractive) traits per se, but their absence when called for is a highly unattractive display of low value (DLV), quickly resulting in lack of respect, contempt, and loss of sexual interest. First, don't be unattractive! Because occasions calling for Manning behavior inevitably arise in ordinary life, Manning 101 is particularly critical in LTR's to avoid the ongoing erosion of respect and attraction that eventually brings men here. # Manning 101 mininum requirements **Physical:** * *strength:* bench press at least body weight; perform at least 8 pull-ups/chin-ups; able to pick up and carry your wife across a stream, or to your bed. (Possess [""male superpower"" of strength greater than that of almost all women](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/4fv3rb/be_married_like_its_your_job_career_betabux_get/d2cmgls/)) * run a mile * belly circumference less than that of both hips and chest * *Edit:* throw and block a punch and kick **Mental:** assertiveness and frame to * give your honest opinion; state and defend your position * negotiate a better price when selling or buying a car/house/lease/... * send back an undercooked steak or the wrong order; interrupt a salesman to say ""no"", and cut him off if he persists * cut off and protect your wife/child/friend from someone who starts harassing her * express and enforce your boundaries * tell your wife ""no"" * acknowledge and sit with your wife's feelings, without being uncomfortable or controlled by them * remain in your frame when someone criticizes you * control your emotions, and controlled expression of emotion (Amused Mastery; [showing controlled anger](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/4yt1fj/stop_tolerating_bullshit_start_showing_controlled/)) * look your wife in the eye and say ""Let's have sex now."" **Social:** * groom and dress yourself appropriately and well * organize and host an event or party * make small talk; introduce yourself and work a room * build and maintain a circle of male friends **Skills:** * change a tire * mow a lawn; trim a tree; dig a hole * rough-house with and discipline a child * *stereotypical male skills expected from men of your culture and class:* throw a football/bowl a wicket/kick a goal/shoot a gun/build a campfire/mix a drink/sing a song/... * hold a steady job/run a business and make a decent living * *Edit:* know your way around a woman's body and give her an orgasm A male exposed as lacking in *any* of the ""Manning 101"" capabilities risks dismissal and contempt, and utter loss of attractiveness to women. *Why all?* Just as a castle wall must provide protection from *all* directions to be useful, a man must maintain all Manning 101 requirements to protect and provide for his wife and family in all circumstances. An obese weakling with great career and social skills can't shove off a man harassing his wife; an inarticulate hulking brute with no other skills will leave her stranded with a flat tire alongside the highway in a blizzard, or embarrassed to be seen with him, or be physically overwhelmed by a group of men turned against him by someone with social skills. A ""Man 101"" has the physical power, mental/emotional assertiveness and control, and social and life skills that make him a force to be reckoned with. Man 101 can find a physical, social, or assertive path by which to command attention --- from an employer, vendor, or customer --- or a woman he finds attractive. He can demand consideration and will receive at least a polite rejection, not just the dismissal or open contempt too often given to the guy who fails to Man. Man 101 doesn't always win, but at least he's in the game. Guys who aren't Manning 101 aren't even playing. *** # Practical implications for the early phases **For newbies:** Until you're performing passably on *all* aspects of Manning 101, **you're not yet in the game.** Focus your energy on Manning 101 (avoiding being unattractive), and don't even *fantasize* about trying any Active Dread, or of cutting off all beta value-adds to your wife. **You're not yet worth keeping!** Your wife would rather divorce you than accommodate any (more) inconvenience or bullshit from you, or give up much of the beta value that's your *only* worthwhile contribution at this time. This is why we see so many Rambo n00b posts along the lines of > ""Help! I flirted with a waitress in front of my wife to 'dread' her; now my wife thinks I'm cheating and wants a divorce."" > ""Help! I quit helping with the kids and chores to go out and do Alpha things; now my wife is threatening divorce."" > ""Help! I completely quit talking with my wife because STFU; my wife says she feels no 'emotional connection' and refuses to fuck me."" > ""Help! I started acting like a dominant alfalfa asshole by pulling her hair out and then cumming on it at least twice a day. She still refuses to give me anal BJ's, and last night she mentioned the D word."" Please, faggots; NO. Don't Rambo. There are no shortcuts or fast tracks until you're a man worth special consideration. *** **For the weary MRP apprentice:** > Lifting really isn't my thing. Can I leave that part out and do all the rest? Who needs it in this day and age? NO. Manning 101 is a package deal; you need a passing grade on *all* elements to get your Man 101 card. > I don't quite get this 'frame' thing, and my wife's emotions make me really uncomfortable. Can I just get really buff, own all of my shit, and act Alpha by always choosing the restaurant without ever risking pissing her off? NO. Package deal. [Dance, monkey. Dance!](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/74yepr/the_dancing_monkey_attraction_improvement/) *** # The MRP end game *""Congratulations on earning your Manning 101 card! Welcome to the club. You're free to try any door now, although I can't promise that the occupants will let you in without a fight. But I'm sure that many will welcome you.""* *""What are you looking for? Perhaps I can guide you...""* **For the journeyman transitioning to master:** > Lifting bores me. Can I stop now? NO. Maintaining Manning 101 standards is necessary to stay in the game. Most of us have sedentary occupations, and can maintain our [""male superpower""](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/4fv3rb/be_married_like_its_your_job_career_betabux_get/d2cmgls/) strength differential only through regular weight work. You're in this for life ... or at least as long as you want good sex. This holds for all of the Manning 101 elements. You have to do whatever work it takes you, forever, to keep them up to at least the minimum standards. > I'm not yet fully satisfied with my sex life. To progress, must I increase my time at the gym, take steroids, and follow the broad, muscular path of u/red-sfpplus and u/bogeyd6? NO. (Or not necessarily.) *Here's the deal...* You now command respect, and can demand consideration wherever you go. (*Edit:* Manning 101 doesn't necessarily make you *attractive,* but it does make you *not unattractive.*) You have many options, and you get to choose where to grow from here! But ... There's only 24 hours in a day, and there are so many facets of attractiveness that there's simply not time to excel equally in all of them. You get to choose, but you also *must* choose. What kind of man do you want to be? What comes naturally or more easily for you? In which facets do you *want* to excel? * You can choose to focus on your lifting and attract women who lust for massively muscular physiques. * You can switch to a minimal maintenance or slow gains program, and spend your extra time making music, building your band's following, and fucking groupies. Or not fucking groupies, if you just love making music and prefer to remain faithful to your wife. * You can practice game and become a master PUA, and sleep with a different woman every night. * You can concentrate on SGM and having crazy hot sex with your wife. Look ... * You can also decide that you're content enough with regular, mediocre sex with a mildly attracted wife, and instead focus your main effort on your missions, *if this is your true passion.* * Hell, you can even decide that your true talent lies in making money, and you can max out the beta bucks, marry a gold-digging HB10 supermodel, and keep your bedroom alive by maintaining the basic Alpha attraction and Dread. So long as you keep Manning 101, you've always got basic passive Dread and the ability to create options. [Make your fucking choice,](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/9mmiul/make_your_fucking_choice/) and DNGAF what others here would choose for themselves. This is **your** journey, and the toolbox yours to apply as you see fit. *** **For the MRP master:** Carry on doing you! Don't get arrogant or lazy. Don't neglect the basics. May your Frame always be with you.",,173,man_in_the_world,2019-09-19 17:31:12 marriedredpill,d5s42v,The 90/10 Rule of MRP,"**The MRP approved still mess up sometimes** Even years after swallowing the pill and practicing, in my head I occasionally say “fuck this. I messed up and relapsed into BP, and it’s just not worth the effort to try and fix.” **Yes, MRP guys fuck up too, sometimes badly** **Turn the ship around right away (instead of digging in your heels)** But, almost immediately after i mess up, I catch my own BS, and I simply change my behavior back. What I’ve noticed is that although women are based in “feelz,” the years of practicing RP do in fact accumulate. So, since I behave RP 90% of the time, the 10% I act BP is virtually meaningless except in the moment. The key is to just resume RP behaviors right away. I resume my now “normal” RP behavior, and she forgets about whatever I did BP almost like it never happened. This is where I see newbies mess up often. They screw up, and they get autistic about trying to find a formula to “fix it.” Most of the time, it’s a very simple fix.... just change behavior back to RP. But, newbies often want to make it super complex and dramatic. **The 90/10 rule applies in the vice versa situation** It used to be the opposite. I acted BP 90% of the time, so it was meaningless to my wife when I acted RP. She would just easily shit test me back to my betaized self. So, again she would forget about the RP action quickly as soon as I resumed to my normal BP behavior. **So, how do I change it to 90 RP/ 10 BP Bobby?** Well, do what we keep telling you to do **over and over** : * Read the entire sidebar and keep re-reading * STFU. - this is so important at the beginning because saying very little is much better than spewing all your BP bullshit and constant DEERing * Lift. This will not only transform you physically, but mentally also. You will start to feel your balls again, and you will start to act like less of a faggot. * Build a social life. This will help you to get rid of the oneitis, improves IOI, create dread, and get your own frame * Be a Leader * Work the dread levels slowly * Make the stay plan the same as the go plan. This is about you, not her or your marriage * OYS weekly posts . Nothing helps you more than seeing your own BS Ultimately, it’s up to you to do the work. Guys are coming on here in droves lookin for a quick fix. It doesn’t exist. Persistence, killing your ego, constantly adjusting, and practicing will slowly get you to where you want to be. BTW, a humble brag post where you DEER in the comments won’t help you either (just thought I’d point out that new trend) **This is about you.**. This is not about your marriage , but it may benefit. **So, How do you quit being a faggot?** One baby step at a time. Then , one day you wake up and you realize you are 90 RP / 10 BP. But, you have to put in the work, and it starts with the sidebar, lifting, and STFU",,79,BobbyPeru,2019-09-18 03:40:42 marriedredpill,d5e01f,"Own Your Shit Weekly - September 17, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,25,AutoModerator,2019-09-17 08:24:23 marriedredpill,d56tit,When Your Motivation Changed,"Recently, I’ve been dealing with a lack of motivation. Others have pointed it out in OYS threads - I’ll notice a problem, resolve to fix it, and have the same problem re-emerge. Strangely, these are all problems I thought I’d “solved”; habits and systems I’d already established and built out. I’ve been scratching my head about it for months. What happened to my motivation? A couple weeks ago, it occurred to me that a huge driving force for my self improvement has been resentment. I don’t just want to get better - I want revenge. I want to reverse the power dynamic in my marriage. I don’t just want my wife to suck my dick; I want her on her knees. I’m not saying this is good; it’s not something I consciously decided. It’s just there, deep in my subconscious. The sudden drop off in my motivation correlates with actual IMPROVEMENT in my marriage. Things got a bit better (though not as good as they could be), and suddenly the anger that underlay so much of my motivation decreased. Less angry, less resentful, less motivated. I KNOW this is a problem. I’m 100% sure /u/man_in_the_world will come here and talk about internal vs. external validation, because we’ve had that conversation before and he was right then, too. But so far in my life the only thing has worked to change my deep, underlying beliefs has been hard work and time. I’ve never seen a short cut to accessing your deep narratives that actually worked. So I’d love some personal stories that I could absorb. What happened when you transitioned from anger to whatever came next? What keeps you motivated? What was your journey like? And I swear to god if anyone talks about stoicism in here I will kick your ass. Tim Ferris roman statue bullshit. <3 PS OH, I forgot to add. The corollary here - I worked on getting myself pissed off and crushed at the gym where I’d struggled previously. So anger clearly works as a motivator, but I feel like my odds of a sudden stroke increase at the same time. Doesn’t feel sustainable.",,40,resolutions316,2019-09-16 21:17:07 marriedredpill,d4mnf7,[Things MRP already knows] Marital satisfaction is linked to women’s sexual desire,,https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/dating-and-mating/201909/marital-satisfaction-is-linked-women-s-sexual-desire,109,[deleted],2019-09-15 16:22:32 marriedredpill,d45plx,Lessons in Abundance: The Blonde and the Big Raise,"Abundance is the same in every area, I'm learning. I recently had two jobs competing for me, and I leveraged the fuck out of that situation to get the largest single raise of my career. My current job is like my cute brunette wife at home, we have a long history of mostly good reviews. Employer #2 was the sexy blonde at the gym - sending me all the Indicators of Interest and asking me to meet her at the bar, just to talk. It would have been easy to say no to her invitation - I was happily employed, and I was busy, and I was tired, and I had things going on that night. Both knew that I could walk away from them at any time. So rather than being on my best behavior to impress just one employer, I was in my own authentic frame. Meetings were on my terms, I was never desperate to set up the next date. Of course, that made them both want me even more. I was *really* interested in this new employer, the blonde. She was exactly what I looked for in the past, she was a *rare* find, with a sweet little benefits package that I wanted *badly* to get my hands on. Instead of showing my desire, I acted like the kind of guy who has an interview with a new company every weekend. If this one walked away, there are ten more just like her and I’m confident I can find them - even if I don’t see them right now. When the new company made an offer, I was excited because she was hot and it was awesome. It was better than the offer I currently had at home, but it wasn't quite what I wanted. So, I said No. I didn't ask for more, I didn't explain why she should give me more, I didn't try to prove how much more valuable I was than the other guys she was talking to. I just said No. She came back even harder, more desperate to have me, sooner and on better terms. I told her sincerely that if anything ever changes, I would be in touch, and we parted on good terms. “That’s great, but I don’t need abundance in my choice of jobs,” you say. “I’ve been with the same company for ten years, and we have 3 beautiful little projects together.” You assume that she wants to keep you on the payroll forever. You do great work, you’re GOOD, man, and they would have a hard time replacing you, you tell yourself. You're ready to stay at this job for life - certainly they recognize your loyalty, and it will pay off in the end. Until one day you get a reality check that changes your perspective. My reality check came one year ago. Remember my current employer, the stable brunette wife at home? She pulled me into her office and gave me the ILYBINILWY talk. The years they spent with me have meant so much, they said. *It wasn’t me*, they said - it was just, the whole company was changing, they really needed to do some Eat/Pray/Love and just figure out what they want next, you know? I’m a great worker, they said, and they really hope I find another job that makes me happy in the future. And just like that, I was back on the market. I was scared and shocked. After years at the same company, I wasn’t prepared. I didn’t have a little black book of employers to call, because my network was weak. I should have had an updated resume and an emergency fund with some Fuck You money in it. Instead, I had become the kind of man who didn’t care if I could still land a new employer. Being a nice, loyal company man works out for a lot of guys, but it didn't work out for me. Exactly one year later (down to the day), I was having a serious conversation with that same employer, under far different circumstances. I worked on myself for that whole year - I had a new title, was providing more value than ever, and others were starting to notice. I was there to tell her she had been great, but I wanted more than what she was giving me, and I was willing to go elsewhere to find it. No anger, no power struggle. I wasn’t sure what to expect - anger? Would they try to change my mind, or shame me for selfishly putting my own needs first? Yes, it seemed like that was happening - they were defensive, questioned my reasons. I was tempted to defend my actions, to explain all the reasons why I deserved more. Instead, I stayed quiet, STFU and I stayed calm. That’s when the mood of the conversation changed completely. I could smell the power shift like static in the air when she said, “I want to keep you, here’s what I can do.” She then gave me an offer for the largest single raise of my life. Smiling and full of gratitude, I looked at my loyal employer of so many years and said the words that many of us hope to say: “No, thank you.” I said, as I refused the largest pay raise of my life. Her offer didn’t meet my needs. But I didn't *just say* ""I don’t have enough money”, a phrase nearly as useless and vague as ""I'm not getting enough blowjobs"". I hoped we could stay together, and not just because we have these little projects together that we both love. I said: “I have goals for my life and my family and to meet those goals, I would need you to do *this* and *this.*” And then I stopped talking. My silence said: you can say yes, or you can say no, but I'm not fine with hanging out in the middle. Like I was the prize to be won. Absurd confidence, but *not cocky*. Her second offer was even better, and I accepted. “But Barracuda, why were you out entertaining other jobs if you already had a job you love? You shouldn’t even have a job, start your own business so you can be Man Going His Own Way. Besides, isn't it unfair (even immoral!) to be out flirting with other supervisors when you have a job back home?” ""Why would anyone game when they're happy?"" Because Abundance Changes Everything, that's why. I'm not angry at my boss for being a boss, any more than I'm angry at the dog for being a dog. I'm a better employee now, because I chose to be here. I’m not living every day in silent resentment because I secretly hate my circumstances. There's no power struggle, no need for me to get emotionally exhausted by my coworkers, even when they act like teenagers. I don't need to say out loud that I have other options, because it's well known and obvious. And yes, that means I'm on my own terms when it comes to what a ""good man"" does at his job. I used to think that I wanted to find the perfect job for me, or to fix my current employer. Then, I realized I needed to become the kind of man who is sought by ALL employers. I love my current job, but it's only my turn. And if they fired me tomorrow? I'd tell the blonde to put on my favorite sundress and meet me on a rooftop bar, downtown, tonight. But of course, we're just talking about jobs. \--- (Edit: Several great comments in this thread, some asking for more specific actions to make yourself valuable at the office. I'm pasting my reply below for future readers:) \>how can you leverage soft skills in a way that makes you a high-demand employee? I am damn glad you asked this question, because I had no idea how to answer it. It sure as hell wasn't certifications or reading Who Moved My Cheese. Based on your question, I started putting together a list of *actionable* items that actually brought me success. Then I realized, what I was describing was a combination of [Laws Of Power](https://medium.com/@skueong/the-48-laws-of-power-214b92dc55a6), WOTSM, Machievelli and a little dark triad. **Caveat for Eaters of Paint**: I am talking about how I am manipulative, selfish and even deceitful at work, but you'd never know it at the office, where I have developed a reputation for my positive outlook, gratitude and patience. *If you can't project an awesome version of yourself while you hide your true intentions, you are just another talented asshole.* I am intentional about how I convey myself to others at work - and I do not expose my true self to anyone. Why does this matter? Because ""Just Be Yourself"" is bad advice in the workplace as much as it is in the dating pool. Perception matters more than reality at the office (or maybe *everywhere*?). Be 100% authentic, yes - but be strategic in what you are revealing. I began to manage my perception like it was my brand name. Realize that if you show up on time, smile, and actually do your job, you're already doing better than 90% of your competition. At work, this means I look and act the part of a really good company man, and part of it is fabricated. Say YES, then do whatever the hell you were going to do anyways. I maintain the appearance of a guy who is 'passionate' about his 'career trajectory' even while I'm 'working on my side business' during this 'conference call about synergy'. I figured out what kind of Drunk Captain my boss is, and used this to my advantage. I sought out a guy who was doing what I wanted to do in my career (but wasn't an enormous company man douchebag), and asked for his direction - that helped a lot. I started noticing when I would slip into another person's frame at work, and quit doing that (practice, fail, calibrate, try again). Then I started paying attention to the signs that people were entering my frame at work and elsewhere (mirroring my body language and tone, using the same words I use, mimicking my vision or phrases when they talk to other people). I started speaking a lot less in general. Started using all the tools in NMMNG to make sure I wasn't getting trampled by assholes at work. I stopped caring about whether people at work thought I was nice, and instead focused on making sure the best parts of me are being highlighted to *my* advantage. I dress just a *little* better than everyone else, every day; but I make sure to occasionally rock the full suit and show up looking like the fucking CEO. I doubled down in my focus on eye contact, speaking with confidence and authority - even if it means interrupting someone or being confrontational to make my point. I had to learn to not treat coworkers like friends, after doing so harmed me more than once. I make sure that my boss perceives me as being loyal, available and teachable (*even if I'm not*) - but I make sure I'm always moving his career forward. In the past, I would divulge my actual struggles and true weak areas with my bosses, fuck that. Now I manage that relationship entirely: I intentionally prop up shallow goals with my boss that I know are readily acheivable to me (""time management""), but I treat them as I would treat a true goal, giving him updates when we meet - then I crush them. It's easy to create visible, acheivable goals that seem profound, while allowing my own selfish goals to remain private (especially if you're already a Red Pilled man, you're going to be doing better at your job than the average guy). I conceal my intentions, schedules and location from my peers, so I enjoy a lot of autonomy - but I'm also very discrete and never let myself get caught without plausible deniability. I don't complain. Let me repeat that - I don't complain about my job, to anyone. I don't participate in gossip, which means I end up doing a lot of listening and saying phrases like ""Seems like you're really upset about this"", without getting involved. One of the laws of power is something like, Think As You Will, But Act Like Others - which means I appear engaged and thoughtful at work, even when others are focusing on petty bullshit that I don't care about. Without being condescening, I started talking to my peers and team members as though they were my own teenage children (ironically, this will make people like you, ask you why you're such a ""people person"", which is almost comical). When a problem arises I tackle it first then come to my boss with my solution already in place. When my boss says I screwed up, I thank him for the feedback, don't DEER, and ask how to do better next time. I take extreme ownership for things that others don't want to be accountable for. I send emails propping out other people for the hard work that they did to make my project a success - subtle things like this that are done from a position of power, not from a position of gloating or asking for attention. You know, having typed it all out like this, the 48 Laws Of Power could be tied back to almost every sentence. It sure isn't a list of traditional career advice, but if I'm being honest, these are the things that actually moved me forward.",,103,BarracudaRP,2019-09-14 14:15:40 marriedredpill,d3xukc,Glossary of Notes to Increase Lifts: The Bench Press,"In case anybody gives a fuck, here’s a couple of tricks that I have learned over the years to increase your bench: Assistance Exercises to Improve Bench Press: - Dips (develops lower and outer chest, as well as triceps to assist with pressing strength) - Pec Flies with Cables or Pec Deck (develops shoulder stability during pressing from stretch/negative to maximal contraction, develops full-inner chest) - Incline Bench Press (develops upper chest and shoulder stability) - The “Bro Pulls” aka Face Pulls, Barbell/ Dumbbell Rows, and Pull-ups (develops Rear-delts, traps, grip, forearms, biceps, lats, rhomboids and lower back to maintain strong grip, scapular retraction, and shoulder positioning/structural integrity during Bench Press, and balance between pushing/pulling movements for maintenance of shoulder and spinal health) - Barbell Overhead Press (develops the anterior and medial delts, triceps, and grip for maximal pressing strength by training a similar but much weaker movement/ form of press). - Speed Bench (develops maximal power output across accumulated volume, without the CNS fatigue or risk of injury from lifting heavy, by using minimal time-under-tension and decreased weight) - Pause Bench (develops ability to drive out of the bottom of the bench with no “bounce reflex”, it is upon pure nervous system strength to produce the inertia to press out from the chest aka making it harder so the “real thing” is easier) - Floor Press (develops pressing strength with a limited range of motion of the shoulder, strengthens the lockout portion of the movement, also takes away the ability to use the legs to produce power when driving to lockout aka making it harder so the “real thing” is easier) - Triceps Exercises (Skull crushers, cable pushdowns, Tricep kickbacks, develops maximal pressing and driving force from beginning of movement-to-lockout) - Scapular-Retraction exercises (Eg. Slow-Tempo Rear-Delt Flies with a resistance band, Face Pulls, and Crossover Symmetry - Develops scapular health for healthier shoulders and spine/ injury prevention, as well as scapular positioning for maximal power output during the Bench Press) - Technique Exercises aka Bench with an empty barbell (develops ability to “set up”, maintain positioning prior to and after unracking the bar, as well as performing to the movement with perfect positioning from start to finish. The “set-up”, particularly retracting the scapulas, tucking the elbows, and bar placement-in-the-hand is the hidden secret to many failed bench presses. And as with the squat and the deadlift, the bench follows this same rule: better positioning, more stability, better power output, better lifts) Mental Cues of the Bench Press - The key to a stronger bench is a combination of strength, positioning, and speed. You want to initiate the bench by first getting into the most crucial aspect of the bench press: your “set-up position”. By laying flat on the bench, feet on the floor, you want to tuck your feet underneath you, roll your chest “up” (not flat on the bench) as if a rope is fastened to your sternum and pulling your chest towards the ceiling, hold this position. While holding this position, you want to retract your scapulas, and begin to grip the bar for un-racking. With feet on floor underneath you, chest-up, and scapulas retracted, you want to drive your heels into the floor while driving your traps directly into the bench (this will increase your ability to utilize maximal power output throughout the kinetic chain). With feet on floor underneath you, chest-up, scapulas retracted, while driving heels into floor and driving traps directly into the bench, you now want to grip the barbell, placing it in your hand so that the bar is set resting directly over your forearm with wrists straight - not relaxed (barbell in-line with your forearm from a side-angle view with wrists straight not relaxed/at an angle). With feet on the floor beneath you, chest-up, scapulas retracted, driving feet into the floor, gripping the barbell with wrists straight, and barbell resting directly in-line with your forearms, you want to now grip the bar as hard as you can, while bracing the core. This is your “set up position”. It needs to be “tight”, and you need to be “tucked” and solid/immovable. Now that your grip, and set-up is set, you now want to unrack the bar. As you unrack the bar from the J Hooks, you want to maintain your exact set-up positioning, with out breaking. This means feet on the floor beneath you, chest-up, scapulas retracted, driving feet into the floor, gripping the barbell with wrists straight, and barbell resting directly in-line with your forearms, gripping the bar as hard as you can, while bracing the core, you want to “pull the bar” out of the J Hooks using your lats - not “lifting the bar”, and pull the bar until it is positioned directly in-line with your wrist, forearm, and upper arm, directly over your chest from a side-angle view. Now that you are in proper positioning for the bench press, you now want to take a deep breath, pulling into your diaphragm, hold it, and brace your core. You are now ready to engage the descent (eccentric portion) of the bench press. As you engage the descent, the first thing you want to do is maintain feet on the floor beneath you, chest-up, scapulas retracted, driving feet into the floor, gripping the barbell with wrists straight, and barbell resting directly in-line with your forearms, gripping the bar as hard as you can, while bracing the core, you want to break at the elbows to begin the descent. As the bar descends towards the chest, you want to tuck the elbows “in” towards your side (do not “flair” the elbows out, as this can damage the shoulders and cause injury), guiding the bar on the descent while flexing the lats until the bar touches the chest. You will decide where along your chest feels most comfortable for the bench press (a common point of contact on the chest for the bench press is lower portion of the chest). Once the bar has reached the chest, maintaining feet on the floor beneath you, chest-up, scapulas retracted, driving feet into the floor, gripping the barbell with wrists straight, gripping the bar as hard as you can, while bracing the core, elbows tucked, and lats flexed, you want to now initiate the ascent (concentric portion of the lift). As you engage the ascent, you want to feel as if you are driving yourself into the bench as you press. This will allow you to push your traps and lats more into the bench, to create a stronger foundation/base to push from. As you produce maximal inertia, driving yourself away from the bar and into the bench, you want to keep your feet on the floor beneath you, chest-up, scapulas retracted, driving feet into the floor, gripping the barbell with wrists straight, and barbell resting directly in-line with your forearms, gripping the bar as hard as you can, while bracing the core, and keep your eyes on the bar as you press from the bottom (not at your arms or straight up, on the bar from bottom to lockout). As the bar rises from the chest, past the “sticking point”, to lockout, you want to flare your elbows out, while maintaining the bar in-line with your wrists/forearm/upper-arm. You then want to arc the bar back as it ascends to lockout (bar arcs back from the chest-to-lockout position from a side-angle view). While staying as tight as possible, driving yourself directly into the bench as you push yourself away from the bar, brace the core to remain stable and drive to lockout. Reasons why you may be failing and how to improve: Positioning and speed are important factors in the bench press, but you also want the strength to be able to do so under maximal load. As with all kinetic chains, there is always a weak point and the bench press is no exception. If you struggle with maintaining complete control of the bar as it descends (especially towards the chest) your triceps may be weak. If you struggle getting the bar off your chest, your chest and shoulders may be weak. If you struggle with the “sticking point” (aka the half-way point of the concentric portion coming out of the bottom of the bench press), your chest, shoulders and triceps may be weak. If you are all over the place and not “solid” or steady throughout any portion of the bench, you probably have a weak core need to strengthen that to improve. Also, keep in mind that having a solid and well-practiced “set-up” - will basically guarantee you lift more weight, because instead of wasting energy by fighting to stay in proper position, you’ll instead be in proper position and using all of that energy to focus on maximal power output through the kinetic chain. Again, these are common points where guys hit plateaus, and how they can overcome them with the bench press. Will post again next week with the standing overhead/ military press.",,22,NeoTheJuanDJ,2019-09-14 00:02:08 marriedredpill,d3s1y1,[FR] Unstoppable Emotional Inertia,"You ever feel a weight fall off your shoulders? Between two closely scheduled trials, the last month has been insanely busy. My wife's also in her busy season at work. Even though she's at 70% instead of full-time, the stress was more from the nature of the work and the fact that even at 70% she's working over 60 hours a week. On Wednesday the judge realized she had a scheduling conflict and decided to continue next week's trial. Woohoo! I'm ecstatic. My wife ... less so. ""I'm quitting my job."" ""I hate my life."" ""I just can't do this anymore."" ""By not letting me quit - **that's abuse. I am being abused.**"" She was mad. I don't blame her. She hadn't seen me for the last 48 hours because I was working until after 2am each night, so she's dealing with her busy season, horrible clients, and our 4 kids all on her own for 2 days straight. My joy at the alleviation of my schedule was confronted directly against her rage, stress, fury, hopelessness. It had gotten so bad that she actually hung up on her boss mid-conversation. She's expressing all of this hate toward me. I'm standing in a puddle of tears. Let's go with the typical comfort maneuver: hug, hand on her cheek, look her in the eyes with my forehead on hers, tell her everything's going to be fine. ""Everything's NOT going to be fine. I hate my life."" Yeah, the usual wasn't going to cut it this time. But she couldn't bring me down even if she had the equivalent of an emotional bazooka. **My best was pitted against her worst.** I won. ""Babe, I can see the stress in your face. The problem is, it's stuck there and not coming out. Open your mouth for a second."" She did. ""Yep, it's in there alright. Hmm ... what are we going to do about that?"" So, I picked her up, held her upside-down and started shaking her like a bottle of ketchup. ""Get that stress out. Open your mouth. Let it pour."" She starts laughing. ""Is it all gone yet? No? Okay, let's keep going, I know there's a little more in there."" The kids thought it was hysterical: ""Do it to me too, Daddy!"" So I start taking turns with each of them one by one. I look back at my wife: ""Well now you're just empty. I suppose I gotta fill you up. How about I give you some of my joy?"" So, I start kissing her in front of the kids. Magically, she's happy again. Or maybe it wasn't magic but ... you know ... the power of frame. _____ **Your BEST against her WORST** - whose emotions win that battle? If you're feeling funny and she's mad, do you stop cracking jokes to deal with her anger? That's emotional compromise - you tone your humor down, she brings her attitude up. You're joyful and she's depressed. Do you empathize with her depression to cheer her up? That's emotional compromise. You drop your joy, she ups from her depression. Emotional compromise has its place - empathy can be a powerful tool in the right circumstance. Settling for a tie is also acceptable. You keep being happy, she keeps pouting in anger. That's her prerogative, if she insists. But I've found much more success getting my wife into my frame through unstoppable emotional inertia than through emotional compromise or even settling with a tie (though I do that at times too). As a man, you are strong. Your emotions are stronger than hers. **Women believe that because they are more emotional, somehow emotional acuity is their forte. It's not. Emotional volatility is**, and those aren't the same thing. Men have strength not only to control their emotions, but to express them as well. If your emotional strength is greater than hers, you will win. This is how you draw her into your frame. In this situation, my wife thought she wanted two things: (1) for me to cave and let her quit her job, and (2) for me to experience the weight of her pain and frustration alongside her - to empathize with her (emotional compromise). I wasn't having either because I knew better. She doesn't know what she wants, but I do. She really wanted to have fun, so I gave her fun. I had more fun with a fun wife than with a harpy wife. Win. _____ I'm a bit of a junkie for musicals - they're partly what pulled me out of the emotionally robotic crappy frame I grew up with. If you want to see what unstoppable emotional inertia looks like, watch [The Schmuel Song, from *The Last Five Years*](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=paMvQ4rziqc). Anna Kendrick slams the door after a bad day, huffing and puffing, repulsed at Jeremy Jordan's efforts to cheer her up. But he's a writer and is excited about his latest story, so he's going to tell his story instead of screwing around with trying to fix his harpy. Cue the video. While pseudo-fiction (the play is closely based on the author's own marriage/divorce), it's the best visual example I've seen of maintaining frame and drawing a woman in, if guys don't know what this looks like. It's much closer to a realistic picture (minus the singing, unless you're me) than what you'll find in other works of fiction where it just seems forced.",,79,Red-Curious,2019-09-13 16:49:26 marriedredpill,d2rvsm,Depressive and Anxious Wives: Converting Dread to Desire (Part 3),"If you’ve previously read my posts about Depressive and Anxious Wives (Part 1 & Part 2), this is a journey to continue that topic. I would suggest that you read both posts before continuing with this one. As usual, keep this in my mind: **It’s all your fault.** Part 1: Depressive and Anxious Wives: [How it’s all your fault](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/asqi8r/depressive_and_anxious_wives_how_its_all_your/) Part 2: Depressive and Anxious Wives: [Transformation and Building Escape](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/c06qfe/depressive_and_anxious_wives_transformation_and/) In this post I’ll continue to build a frame of two elements – extreme ownership and masculinity. By this time in your journey you’ve likely seen the real message I am trying to convey with all these posts: [**You are the leader and creator of your relationship, everything good and bad is within your control, even if it’s not with your wife.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/c2l5dt/your_woman_is_one_of_your_greatest_creations/) A little about me: I began this journey blue-pilled like everyone else here. I had little sex. My wife did not respect me. I failed shit tests constantly. I was angry at something… and wasn’t quite sure where to place that anger. That anger was misplaced. It should have been burning within me, rather than setting the forest on fire around me. Your job is to take that fire within you and transform it into ownership and direction through leadership. As I grew I began to figure out how dread worked within my relationship and used it as needed. For my wife, she responded hysterically to even the most covert dread. It was a fucking whirlwind with even the slightest 2 hour trip to work from a coffee shop. The least amount of dread sent her into a needless tailspin, but always resulted in great quality sex. After many months of doing this, I knew that dread was not the answer. It produced results, but not the results that I was looking for. Rather than produce desire because of this dread, it produced sexual anxiety. She was fucking to stay alive. This was a cycle that would eventually drive my wife to the brink of insanity. My ideal relationship was one filled with genuine desire… to where I could just give her a smirk and wink and watch her come to me. Or, I could deliver a set of eyes that said “I am disappointed” and she would *feelz* the masculine power behind those eyes. I began to imagine a life where this was possible, but knew that any motivation from dread was not the way to achieve that. **Rather, I would use dread to inspire desire.** Somewhere along the journey you’ll discover that your wife is replaceable. Sure, it wouldn’t be ideal to leave your wife – but you would be alright. You’re a man and by this point you’ve realized that you can rebuild if needed. No big deal. You have the drive and determination to get what you want out of life, and use dread on your wife to help her move along. It wasn’t until the discovery of the “replacement” mantra that I was able to shift from dread to desire. Somehow, you need to instill in your wife that dread = disappointment. You’re a man with limited resources and your most valuable resource is your time. If you’re spending that time with a woman who doesn’t express gratitude, like most men here, then you likely feel dread isn’t working for you. It produces sex when done well, but it’s not the type of sex that you want. Then… through true OI you figure out that STFU doesn’t work anymore, and it’s time to express your emotions in a masculine way rather than let them sit and eat you alive. When my wife finally came to me experiencing enough covert dread to last a lifetime for her anxious mind, I took just a few moments to develop a narrative that explained why I was not interested in spending time with her (dread): **As a man, I have amazing gifts to give this world.** **These things that I give come with no strings attached.** **Of all of these - my time is the most valuable.** **I choose to spend that time where it is most rewarding and cherished for those that receive it.** **You do not have gratitude for this.** **That is why you are no longer receiving my gifts.** After delivering a narrative similar to this one (in your own words), there was a dynamic shift in which her hamster will become aware of exactly what dread is: It’s how a high value man spends his time and resources, and she’s well aware that he enjoys spending time with a woman that wants to fuck from her own desire. She becomes aware that with your reluctance to give her that time, she needs to step up to earn that time. This is where dread is converted into desire. From this point forward, you are able to give your gift of time where it is best deserved to those that are most gracious for it. Cunty wife for the day? “I’m leaving for the afternoon, babe. Your attitude is not working for me right now.” And…. Leave. Go do something you desire to do. Take the kids if you want to. But the biggest mistake you can make in this scenario is to say nothing. You’re upset that she is being a bitch. Express your emotions like a man: “Your attitude is not working for me right now.” I will warn you – if you’re trying to make statements such as this and truthfully don’t believe them, it will not work. Your wife knows you better than anyone. She sees every crack and fissure in your frame whether you see it or not. That is her job – to find those cracks, try to exploit them, and then turn those cracks in your frame against you as a test. It’s in her nature. You should be thankful for it. It is one of the many tools that gives you clarity (if you can read through those tests) in your leadership and direction. When you make statements like this at first, you will be fearful. It’s natural. If you practice mindfulness or meditation (10-20 minutes per day is recommended) you will have learned how to center yourself quickly. Learn how to get to that space quickly in front of you wife. For me, I inhale deeply into the belly first, then continue to breathe in as it fills my sternum, then lungs, and finally my outer chest. As I begin to speak I imagine the air in my lungs being pushed into my belly as I exhale – and then I speak from my core. There is nothing more attractive when it comes to words than a man who can say with extreme ownership and conviction: This is not working for me. Or, maybe it is working for you. Both feelings are owned by you. Express them from your core. It is my belief that if you are able to truly own that fire inside of you – which are your emotions and reactions, fuel that with the powerful gasoline that is clear and direct masculinity – and be willing to share that burning fire with those that cherish it, you will have converted how your time is spent using dread into something much more: Your time is valuable, and it is desirable by many. You choose how it’s spent. No one else. If you wife wishes to receive this gift from you, the only way she will receive it is through genuine desire for it. For me, when I reached this point my wife was still full of ego. ASD and Madonna/Whore were very real. She would never acknowledge how great sex was, or how much she needed it. You must find a way to appeal to that ego and point it out to her if she has it. I looked her in the eye after one of these episodes of trying to rewrite recent history – knowing she was using ego as a protection from being vulnerable – and said to her the most simplest of things: *“You are a liar.”* You know what? She was. She lied about her true desires and feelings and used ego to crush them. Sometimes this takes the forms of shit tests. Sometimes it’s comfort tests. But all tests are both a congruence test of your ability to cut through all the bullshit straight to the heart of the matter… and take action as a masculine man would. Sometimes, just sometimes, that takes words generated from the core of who you are as a man. Your direction and leadership to cut through the bullshit is one of your greatest gifts. Give it, and give it freely to those that deserve it. The next time you accidentally inspire dread (as it always should be – over dread is for retards), take a step back. Watch what she does. If she shit tests – call her out if you think it’s time. If it’s a comfort test – praise her and open her heart to the idea of being honest through your own masculine honesty of who you are. Rise to the challenge of leading your woman to authenticity. Free her from the ego that she builds to protect her own mind. Set it free with your masculine energy and watch her femininity soar into your life with the burning desire to give herself to a man of high value. If you are, she will give herself through desire. Over, and over. To the ends of the earth. Because you know what? Through you direction, leadership, authenticity and great capacity to love…. There aren’t many men in this world like you anymore. You are the prize. You are the man who draws desire out of your woman. Edit: [Part 4: Authenticity, Feelz 2.0, Shitty Comfort & Penetration](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/doalmp/depressive_and_anxious_wives_authenticity_feelz/)",,152,HornsOfApathy,2019-09-11 15:26:22 marriedredpill,d22ezl,Stoicism as a Tool in TRP,"The following is a general overview of stoic philosophy, with examples of Marcus Aurelius, influenced largely from a recorded speech performed by Professor Michael Sugrue. This speech can be viewed and is available on YouTube at this link : https://youtu.be/5897dMWJiSM , and tailored for practical use, as a tool in symbiosis with Red Pill awareness: “The tranquility that comes when you stop caring what they say. Or think, or do. Only what you do. Not to be distracted by their darkness. To run straight for the finish line, unswerving.” - Marcus Aurelius Stoicism is a noble philosophy - an excellent philosophy for silver men. It is characterized by a “rejection of pleasure” - as the standard for human happiness, and human felicity. Stoicism takes the position that the wise man, the good man, the philosopher is a man who lives in accordance with nature. He fears only abdicating his responsibility and frame. He is not afraid of pain, he is not afraid of death, he is not afraid of poverty, he is not afraid of the negative, undesirable, and uncontrollable aspects of the human condition. He fears ONLY that he should let himself down; that he should be less than a complete human being. The only matters of concern to the wise and philosophical man are things completely under your control. You can’t control whether your wife fucks Chad, you can’t control whether your 1000ft tow rope is still fastened to the ship, and your wife “catches on” when you finally reach the 1000ft distance from shore, you can’t control your boss from giving the promotion to another man in a simple act of nepotism, even though you may have “earned it”, “deserve it” and put in the hours (think covert contracts). There is only one thing, and one thing only that you are in control of, and that is you; your will, your intentions, yourself. In other words, the wise man is the man who is truly in control of his own soul. He takes utter and complete responsibility for his actions, and is indifferent to everything else. This indifference - is not because he does not care about others around him, nor the tendencies of the oblivious (Blue Pill men) and the irrational (hypergamous women at the mercy of their emotional tempests) around him, but he remains indifferent because they are out of his control. Master the art of indifference, there is no use in wondering or worrying what others are doing because that is and will always be outside of your control. The stoic philosopher is the man who has liberated himself from fear. He’s not afraid of death, fear, what others think of him, or others’ dismissal. The only thing he cares about is that he does not waste his time, energy, fucks given, potential, and that he does not meet his own standard he has set for himself. The stoic, wise man, is the man who has trained his mind (Red Pill awareness) and body (via Lifting, martial arts, etc.), so that he is not afraid of “apparent evils” or variables that life may bring, he is only afraid of losing control of his mind, his centre point of origin, his frame. He isn’t afraid to take the lead, to be the bulwark, to be the oak, and to use his rationality and strategy to navigate the rough seas. He does it with full belief in his own competence. In living with accordance to nature, the stoic philosopher examines the nature of the human condition (an example would be using a Red Pill lens to examine and navigate the Blue Pill world around us). He discerns his position in nature, and he lives in such a way, not to disgrace himself; not to be less than he truly can be. He won’t succumb to the comforts of blue pill ideals, in which previously blinded him and deceived him. He also does not want to be a god, rather he wants to live up to his fullest potential. A very interesting fact within the world of Philosophy, is that two of the most notorious stoic Philosophers - Epictetus (who was a slave), and Marcus Aurelius (who was an Emperor), are bound by similar foundations of belief. This belief, this stoic belief, no matter the position of the man within the social hierarchy and power structure, is the great equalizer. Both the Slave and the King can participate in a philosophy that is accessible to all men. Regardless of position within the social hierarchy, no matter your starting point: a wise man, a man who is disciplined, in control of his emotions, and follows the way of nature can be a good man, a successful man of his own opinion and standard. The stoic philosopher is the man who does what he ought to do, regardless of circumstance. If you extend the olive branch to your wife after increasing your SMV and she still refuses to fuck you, you continue improving yourself, seemingly unphased and with complete outcome independence (the stay plan is the same as the go plan). You don’t act butt hurt, you don’t DEER, you stfu, lift, and improve all areas of your life. The stoic philosopher uses stoicism as a tool, similar to the Red Pill, but to remain unafraid of what others think of him, to have others attempting to destroy his reputation behind his back. He is only afraid of failing himself and what he thinks of himself. He is only afraid of making chaos of his soul, of losing trust in his instincts, and succumbing to his emotions. Why? Because his soul, actions, and emotions are the only things he is completely in control of. The rest is a matter of indifference to him. You become Red Pill aware and begin gaming women while married to increase abundance mentality and dread, and others (Blue Pill men) judge you? Who cares, they are simply unaware of why you are doing what you are doing and will probably suffer from this lack of strategy down the line in their own lives anyways. It does nothing for you to worry or wonder. Marcus Aurelius wrote a book to himself while he was emperor, never intended to be published. This book was titled “Meditations”. What kind of man writes a book to himself when the nature of a book is to communicate something to a reader? Marcus Aurelius wrote a book to himself because he was the loneliest man in the world. He is a man on his own ship, and as the leader, he has no equals but the responsibility of leading people he can’t control. He is the only one on that ship with the competence to navigate in a direction that leads to success. A man with no equals, has to deal with the burden of performance of being the Emporer, and the only one fit for the role. The book, Meditations, is his echo chamber, his release, where he can vent his emotions, vent his anger and frustration, pondering the stupidity of the seemingly helpless around him, and understanding the world around him with a daily re-anchoring for his mind. He uses this book, as a release, while on the surface: he is STFU, lifting, remaining stoic, and leading with full belief in his ability to do so, in the way only the best version of himself could. This is exactly why those that do harm to themselves only do so because they don’t know any better. Not only do they not have the knowledge that serves them (the red pill), they don’t have a release that serves them, either. Instead, they allow the surplus of accumulated emotional weight to wear down on them, to the point where they lose emotional control and surrender frame. The mindset of the wise man, is the mindset that allows you not only the mastery of yourself, but evolved wisdom in relation to your reality, making you into what Plato terms: “The Philosopher King”; a man of abundance, outcome independence, indifference, masterfully amused, who is his own centre of point of origin, the main character of his own story. A man could easily sit back and kick his feet up, let his hair down, crack open a beer on the couch, and ask his wife “what are we up to this weekend?”. He could easily stop courting his coworkers and boss, losing the promotion from Senior-manager to partner in the firm. He could easily put his hobbies on the shelf to collect dust forever, allow his ex wife to raise his kids while he sits on the sidelines and is as involved in their lives as a piece of furniture in the living room. But he doesn’t, because he would be surrendering frame, not adulting right, would ultimately be letting himself down, and all of these things in which he can control. This explains how stoicism can be used, as a tool, in combination with the Red Pill, to ultimately overcome fear, free of a mindset that doesn’t serve you, and to instead allocate your resources towards a mindset and strategy that does serve you. - To help you move forward in your life where you may be stagnating/ hitting plateaus. “At some point you have to recognize what world it is that you belong to; what power rules it and from what source you spring; that there is a limit to the time assigned you, and if you don’t use it to free yourself it will be gone and will never return.”",,56,NeoTheJuanDJ,2019-09-10 04:04:59 marriedredpill,d24nb9,"Own Your Shit Weekly - September 10, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,18,AutoModerator,2019-09-10 08:24:31 marriedredpill,d1kwpe,Fear,"*""We suffer more often in imagination than we do in reality."" -Seneca* Overcoming my real and imagined fears, and actively seeking more fear, has become an important cornerstone of my frame for a range of reasons. Control of your real and imagined fears is a prerequisite of a Leader, dare I say, an Alpha. It’s a topic I'd like to expand on here. In essence, fear can be divided into real and imagined fear. Real fear is obvious – if you swim in the ocean and see a big shark, that’s real fear, because you might really die. If you refuse to swim in the ocean because of worry about sharks you cannot see, that’s imagined fear, created in your head. I challenge you to think about how often you seek and experience real fear, which is pretty easily avoided in modern everyday life. By contrast, imagined fear is a preoccupation with the unknown, specifically possible outcomes in the future. Fear of the unknown manifests as anxiety quickly because humans have a large brain that likes to ‘run possible scenarios’. This has positive uses such as creativity and problem solving. But some problems you are trying to solve have no easy solution or there are too many unknowns to be able to settle on a single most likely solution. Unsolvable MRP problems such as your wife’s potential infidelity leads you to seek further evidence through ‘hamstering’ or ‘looking for signs’. Where real fear is no longer common in modern society every day life, Anxiety and overthinking are extremely common and unique to all of us - e.g. fear of plane travel. Your brain can’t compute the concept of flying through the air, but your brain knows is that if you are up high and there is nothing below, you are going to fall. And if you are high enough, you are going to die. Hence the logical connection between plane flight and death. But you ‘know’ flying is safe, so all you can do is buckle up and listen to the pilots announcement and make an assessment as to whether or not he/she sounds like a ‘good pilot’. Maybe you try to pick their nationality from their name and think about if they are good at pilot training in that country. You probably also look at how close you are to the exit, and if that fat dude in the exit row is really going to be able to open the door on this tin can we are all in. All of what I described since you got on the plane is overthinking in response to your fear of falling and dying. Overthinking and ways to manage it has already been covered [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/8vl66c/thinking_your_way_to_misery_a_brief_guide_to/) so I'll leave it at that. [Stoicism](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2qjwg9/how_to_become_outcome_independent_using_a_stoic/) and OI are the number one theories that explain how to control your unknown fears. But this does not address the *active seeking of real fear*. If you want to grow as a man you need to find some real fear, seek it out and face it head on - get out there and scare yourself, do something with a bit of risk. Lifting and regular sports won't give you what i am talking about. Like I have said before, once in a while you need to arrive home thinking, ""I am glad I made it out of that!"". So stop being a pussy and get out of your comfort zone - Harness what you had when you were 20 if that helps. A little bit of real fear in your life will wipe away those imaginary concerns that your wife's last text message seemed ""a bit short"". Instead you'll arrive home with the look of a man who has been outdoors, seeing shit and doing shit, and 'she' is the last thing on your mind. And that is attractive. **Facing and controlling your real and imagined fears should be a priority area for your ongoing development. Proving such mastery of fear is a clear indication of a leader of men.** *We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light. - Plato*",,62,simbarlion,2019-09-09 02:39:47 marriedredpill,d0j3dh,The Autist's Formula for Tingles," Some of you guys are so damned nerdy that it makes even a spreadsheet-loving faggot like myself cringe awkwardly. So, because it’s Friday and I’m better than you, I’m going to pander to your sperginess and make this easy for you to grasp. There is a very simple formula for generating true, lasting tingles. Get our your fountain pen, faggots, and start writing this shit down. Here is the formula with the variables on a 1-10 scale (obviously 1 being you guys and 10 being me). **Frame + Game + Attractiveness = Tingles** The higher your score, the better / hotter chick you can land. Simple, right? There’s one big catch. This formula is completely wrong because women aren’t fucking robots. They are real people and real people have different preferences all the time. Some bitches like tall guys, others like taller guys. Some bitches like strong guys, others like stronger guys. Some bitches like rich guys, others like even richer guys. You get my point? However, for the autists that need a formula, I’ll allow my inner sperg to come out just a bit more. Write out your formula on a piece of paper. Maybe you would give yourself a 6 on frame (we both know it’s a 3 but fuck it, it’s Friday, stick with the 6 you lying cunt), a 2 on game, and a 6 on attractiveness (lol, you fatass). So you do some highly complex mathematical equations, jerk off to some hentai, and arrive back at a formula that looks like this: **6 + 2 + 6 = 14** Almost average, right? That’s got to be good for something, right? Wrong. Go ahead and scratch those 6s out and round those bad boys down to 2. Now you have: **2 + 2 + 2 = 6.** That’s more like it. That’s why you can’t get her wet. That’s why she has a headache and thinks about her friend’s husband when she starfishes you 1x a month. Why? Because you are your weakest link. So replace your other two scores with your lowest score. For example, If you have a 7 figure salary and have decent frame but shitty game, you will end up with a woman who throws pity fucks your way occasionally but is otherwise completely content to live an expensive lifestyle on your dime. You aren’t generating tingles and you will eventually find your way in here or somewhere like this bitching about how she can’t throw some passion fucks your way even though you threw a Mercedes her way. Or maybe you have game and are attractive but have terrible frame and are a whiny bitch. You wonder why the marriage bed now is so damned starfishy compared to what it used to be. You are your weakest link. This shit is not complicated. It’s pretty damned simple actually. You want a woman who is fun to be around, fun to look at, and fun to fuck. You probably won’t be satisfied with a chick that is a 2 in one of those categories. If she fucks like a champ, loves sports, but looks like Shrek, that’s a hard pass. Now, if you are a piece of shit, maybe that’s the best you can do. That’s on you. Similarly, women want a man who has frame, has game, and is attractive. You can exhibit a huge amount of control over the first two and a moderate amount of control over the last one. So step your shit up. Get off the damned formulas. Stop getting lost in shit like “*durrr hurrr my bench is 180lbs, why won’t she fuck me*” you weak, autistic faggot. She won’t fuck you are about as worthless as a deflated kickball. You have the personality of a well-used sponge. Think this shit isn't fair? It isn't. Life isn't fair. It never was. But you bitching about it not being fair simply retards your progress, retard, and makes it just a bit easier on the rest of us by you contributing to the lowering of standards due to population means. So play the game correctly or get the fuck out, I don't care. But whinging and whining and making complex spreadsheets doesn't fucking help. And just remember autists, the formula is simple. Frame + Game + Attractiveness = Tingles... but you are your weakest link.",,85,CaptJohnLukeDiscard,2019-09-06 16:39:34 marriedredpill,d08fh5,What Is Your Real SMV?,"The core tenet of TRP is that us humans have evolved in such a way that there is a constant competition between men and women in the sexual marketplace. Equally axiomatic is the tenant that, for a man, increasing SMV leads naturally to improved sexual success. RP followers understand that SMV has real components (fitness, financial success, health) and perceived components (social status, frame, presentation). This is somewhat arbitrary, as real components can be faked in the short term, but overall it is simple to see the distinction as long as you don't overthink it. The first advice given out of the gate to a newbie like me is to start lifting and STFU. This allows one to start building their *real* SMV while preventing us from further destroying their *percieved* SMV by beta puking all over the place, getting pulled out of our fragile frames, etc. I'm not going to touch on percieved SMV here, since I have nothing to say on the topic that more experienced, more eloquent guys have already said here. However, I had the thought today that the real component of SMV ought to be readily quantifiable or at least approximated by comparing it to demographic data. The results of checking it out were, like most of RP, a pretty harsh realization. Of the real SMV components, the most readily calculated were percent body fat (%bf), strength (approximated by summing 1RM of deadlift, squat, and bench press), and income. I chose to do a simple average of the three categories, because I don't think one is particularly more important *for women as a whole* Obviously each woman will have her own weighting; some would prefer a pudgy billionaire to an Adonis surfer bum, and some would prefer the opposite. I started with strength. Before this exercise I would've said I am above average strength, maybe a 6 or 7. Using the widely distributed [strength standards](https://strengthlevel.com/strength-standards/bench-press/lb) and R software, I made a totally over fit but good-enough model that lets me calculate my percentile. Now, my projected 1RM based on my history and my 5x5 weights is in the ballpark of (B: 185, S:285, D:350) for a total BSD of 820. Not bad, right? Fucking **wrong**. I can go more in depth into my method of calculation when a computer is handy but here's the deciles for BSD (Note that I didn't account for weight, because your wife will leave you for a 200lb man even if you only weigh 120): Percentile|Total BSD :--|:-- 5|417 10|486 20|604 30|698 40|772 50|837 60|904 70|988 80|1108 90|1285 95|1403 Yeah. I'm a fucking 4/10 in this category. Starting to think I don't like this game. Let's do %bf next, I'm rocking a ~20٪bf right now, if we assume lower is always better (outside of health issues or disorders that is a pretty fair assumption), let's do the same thing. Luckily this was [easier to find](https://cdn.instructables.com/ORIG/FQJ/DBBM/GQB4XEJH/FQJDBBMGQB4XEJH.jpg) so I'm not doing any modeling myself. God damn it, I'm a 2/10. Fuck. At least in 3 years I will be 30 and then I'd be a 5/10. Okay, last one is finances. I make 112K per year. I just used the [first Google result](https://dqydj.com/united-states-income-brackets-percentiles/) here, it is messy on mobile so I'll summarize: Percentile|Income :--|:-- 5|$1968 10|$7000 20|$16024 30|$24001 40|$30138 50|$39048 60|$48335 70|$60020 80|$79050 90|$114068 95|$153420 I'm not at all confident with these numbers. I have a sneaking suspicion capital gains, etc. are not included, as I would have expected 95th percentile to be like 400K. If someone has a better set of criteria I will get that added in. This has me at an 8/10, rounding down. Okay, neat. So (4+2+8)/3 = 4.7. I'm a goddamned 4.7/10. No wonder no one is sucking my dick. So remind yourselves, guys. It's cool to be in the 1K club, but that's only a 7/10. Sure, that's a 7/10 out of people who lift (probably much better in the general population) but it's what your wife sees. I know exactly what my next steps are. Adding 50lbs to each lift and dropping to 15%bf would move me from a 4.7 to a 6.7, assuming I make enough strides with frame, fashion, and social life to back it up. I have some work to do.",,32,Balls_Wellington_,2019-09-05 23:17:52 marriedredpill,cztkeq,Glossary of Notes to Increase Lifts: The Deadlift,"In case anybody gives a fuck, here’s a couple of tricks that I have learned over the years to increase your deadlift: “The Deadlift: 20% Physical and Programming, 10% Mental, 70% Technical” - Dave Tate, EliteFTS Assistance Exercises to Improve Deadlift: - GHD Back Extensions (posterior chain development with heavy emphasis on lower back and hamstrings to improve hip extension and core bracing throughout entire movement) - The “Bro Pulls” aka Barbell Rows and Pull-ups (develops the grip, biceps, lats which all help maintain structural integrity and power output during the deadlift) - Single-Leg Dumbbell Deadlifts (develops obliques, deep muscles around lower back and upper hamstrings, to increase core stabilization and balance/stability throughout the pull) - Pulls from a Deficit (develops the ability to brace the core, and generate more power output when pulling from from the floor aka making it harder so the “real thing” is easier) - Rack Pulls (Develops the lats, grip, Rhomboids, and traps without the CNS fatigue of pulling from the floor.. strengthens the pull from the knee to full lockout) - Hip Thrusts (develops the glutes and hamstrings to fire and exert maximal hip Extension power output without loading the spine/ develop CNS fatigue, training maximal strength through extension of the hip) - experiment with different grips and stances to emphasize different muscles more (ie. heels touching, with feet pointed in a “V” shape, with a snatch grip for increased trap and lat development)) - Stiff-Legged Deadlifts (hypertrophy of hamstrings, glutes, core, lats and traps for a faster, more stable pull and increased power output throughout the entire movement) - Thoracic-Extension Mobility Exercises (poor thoracic Extension is the hidden secret of many a’failed squats and deadlifts) - Hip and Hamstring Mobility (better positioning, more stability, better power output, better lifts) - Ankle Mobility (see above) Mental Cues of the Deadlift: The key to a stronger deadlift is a combination of strength, positioning, and speed. You want to initiate the deadlift by first setting your stance. A solid and common stance for the conventional deadlift is to stand with feet hip-width apart, the bar directly over your mid-foot, and toes pointing forward. Then, you want to bend over and grab the bar with a shoulder-width grip, while bending the knees until your shins touch the bar. Now that your grip and stance is set, with the bar resting against your shins, you now want to “lift your chest up” (thoracic Extension), and straighten your lower back to maintain a neutral spine. A key thing to remember is to look straight ahead, not up, or down, but straight ahead at the floor to ensure maximal power output with no breaks in the kinetic chain. Now that your stance, and grip is set, while maintaining a neutral spine with chest up for thoracic Extension, you now want to take a deep breath, pulling into your diaphragm, hold it, and brace your core. You are now ready to engage the pull. As you engage the pull, the first thing you want to do is to maintain a neutral spine, keep your chest up high, core tight, you want to drive through the floor staying on your mid-foot (not your heels or balls of your feet), while pulling with your hamstrings. Throughout the entire movement, you want your arms (remaining fully extended) to hold the weight, your legs to be straight as possible, your hips to open like a door hinge (from a side-view), and your core to remain neutral and straight as possible from closed-position to lockout. This would entail your spine being perfectly flat, minimal rise and lowering of your hips from the beginning of the movement to lockout, and focusing on bracing the core, chest high, pull with the hamstrings and use the glutes. As you pull the bar from the floor through the sticking point (portion of the pull from the floor to lower-mid thigh), these mental cues will remain crucial and constant. The key to getting though this “sticking point” is to engage the lats, with neutral spine, keeping the chest high, while driving your mid-foot through the floor, pull with your hamstrings and glutes, bracing with your lower back, and bracing the core. Continue driving through the pull, keeping the bar close to you (as the bar passes the shin, then the knee, then the mid-thigh, maintaining a neutral spine, bracing the core, continue by to stay on the mid-foot, pull with the hamstrings, glutes, and lower back). As you approach lockout, you want to maintain these mental cues, while using your lats to pull the bar into your hips, maintaining neutral spine until lockout. Reasons you may be failing and how to improve: Positioning, timing, and speed, are important factors in the deadlift, but you also want the strength to be able to do so under maximal load. As with all kinetic chains, there is always a weak point and the deadlift is no exception. If you struggle with pulling from the floor, your hamstrings and glutes may be weak. You also may be over-trained. This is arguably the most taxing portion of the movement in terms CNS activation, and if you have an excess of accumulated fatigue, you are more prone to getting stuck here. If you struggle with getting past the knee-mid thigh, your glutes, hamstrings, and/or upper back (traps, rhomboids, lats) may be weak. If you struggle with keeping the bar close to you, you “cave over” at any point and drop your chest/ arch your upper back, and lose structural integrity of the spine, you may have weak upper back, lats, and glutes. Also, keep in mind that doing mobility work to improve thoracic extension, hip and ankle mobility, and core strength - will basically guarantee you lift more weight, because instead of wasting energy by fighting to stay in proper position, you’ll instead be in proper position and using all of that energy to focus on maximal power output through the kinetic chain. Again, these are common points where guys hit plateaus, and how they can overcome them with the deadlift. Will post again next week with the bench press.",,46,NeoTheJuanDJ,2019-09-05 00:45:18 marriedredpill,czlrrp,What’s stopping you?,"You wanna be a better role model for your kids What’s stopping you? You wanna lose 15lbs What’s stopping you? You wanna make new friends and have a social life What’s stopping you? You wanna make more money What’s stopping you? You wanna bang some Tinderellas What’s stopping you? You wanna have anal sex What’s stopping you? You wanna have anal sex in a threesome with your Tinderella and your wife What’s stopping you? You wanna start your own business What’s stopping you? You wanna finish reading that book What’s stopping you? You wanna have a woman that respects you and fucks like a bunny rabbit What’s stopping you? You wanna stop drinking and smoking weed What’s stopping you? You wanna have a joint and a bottle of beer What’s stopping you? You wanna climb a mountain What’s stopping you? You wanna sky dive from an aeroplane What’s stopping you? You wanna just go home, put the TV on, crack open a beer and chill What’s stopping you? You wanna be the best version of yourself What’s stopping you? You wanna have a clear vision and mission for your life Then what the fuck is stopping you?",,66,[deleted],2019-09-04 14:40:46 marriedredpill,cz20iv,"Own Your Shit Weekly - September 03, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,24,AutoModerator,2019-09-03 08:24:34 marriedredpill,cwkxs9,Quit Being a Lazy Cunt.,"Seven months ago, [u/SteelSharpensSteel](https://www.reddit.com/user/SteelSharpensSteel/) wrote the [ultimate guide to MRP](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/acvzgx/steels_guide_to_married_red_pill/). It is by far the most comprehensive guide you could read on the forum. A truly awesome piece of work. Between that - with all the links to various books and articles - and all the posts you'll find on the forums, all your answers are there. Everything you need to know about frame, game, lifting, STFU, divorce, OYS etc, etfuckingcetera. It's there. You just have to read through it and find the answers that you are looking for. Despite that - some of you fuckers are apparently too lazy to read. Some of you fuckers are too lazy to do the work. Steel is practically spoon feeding MRP down your necks, yet you are too fucking lazy to open your fat fucking mouths for anything other than a donut. Some of you fuckers even think it's OK to look for a quick fix by messaging people like me asking questions like this.. ""My wife drops hints at a bj like ""yeah you eat that pinapple"". She knows damn well she's getting me riled up for a bj and then later when the time comes. Shoots it down hard no style and puts up massive lmr/asd. I've lost my cool in the past from her ""teasing"" and i think it's a shit test? Nothing I do can pass this though. Every time i know it's happening but lose my cool and punch the wall. Any ideas? Fyi my smv is \~8 hers is \~3. Probably part of it is not being able to fathom a 3 turning down an 8. Just to keep power over me?"" The problem that brought most of us here is the same one.. pure fucking laziness. We got lazy in life, we got lazy about our health, we got lazy about our careers, we got lazy about gaming our wives, we got lazy about getting up early in the mornings, we got lazy about going to bed on time, we got lazy about our style, we got lazy about our grooming, we got lazy about owning our shit, we got lazy about planning the weekends, we got lazy about planning our lives, we got lazy about making money, we got lazy about saving money, we got lazy about everything. We got married, we had kids, we put the feet up and we got lazy. Lazy is unnatractive. Lazy makes you weak. Lazy makes you fat. Lazy makes you rub your cock to Hentai porn rather than putting the effort in that it takes to get your dick wet. Lazy makes you reach for the pack of Doritos over cooking chicken and veg. Lazy makes you watch 3 hours of GOT instead of going to the gym. Lazy makes you hang around the house doing fuck all instead of going out and having fun. Lazy makes you the fat, unfuckable slob that you are. Lazy is unnatractive. Lazy will get you nowhere. Quit being a lazy cunt. Start doing the fucking work. And if you can't do that, then don't fucking message me with your fucking lazy cunt questions about why your fucking wife won't blow your fucking cock. I'm not going to name and shame anyone here, you know who [you](https://www.reddit.com/user/hydrastas) are. Quit being a lazy cunt.",,141,[deleted],2019-08-28 13:38:02 marriedredpill,cwbbtg,Glossary of Notes to Increase Lifts: The Squat,"In case anybody gives a fuck, here’s a couple of tricks that I have learned over the years to increase your squat: Assistance Exercises to Improve Squat: - Single - Leg Box Step-Ups (Gluteus Medius development to help keep knees out when driving out of the bottom) - Pause Squats (develops ability to drive out of the bottom of the squat with no “bounce reflex”, it is upon pure nervous system strength to produce the inertia to squat-out aka making it harder so the “real thing” is easier) - Alternating Barbell Lunges (develops glutes, core and outer-quads to improve balance and strength for the squat) - Front-Rack Holds (120% + of 1RM Back Squat.. develops the nervous system by introducing an unfamiliar amount of weight previously never exposed to so it can adapt. Basically telling your body this will be my one rep max soon, so prepare bitch!) - Thoracic-Extension Mobility Exercises (poor thoracic Extension is the hidden secret of many a’failed squats and deadlifts) - Hip and Hamstring Mobility (better positioning, more stability, better power output, better lifts) - Ankle Mobility (see above) Mental Cues of the squat: The key to a stronger squat is a combination of strength, positioning, and timing. You want to initiate the squat by first keeping your core tight, spinal neutral. You then want to initiate the eccentric portion of the movement (the negative) by bending at the knees AND the hips, simultaneously (initiating one before the other sacrifices positioning, and ultimately power output) with a neutral spine. As you lower, keep your knees-out, bracing your core, maintaining a neutral spine, staying on your heels (not the mid foot or balls of your feet. This will ensure you recruit a balance of hamstring, glute, and quad activation as you drive out of the bottom). Keeping your spine neutral and as vertical to the floor as possible, staying on the heels, you want to slowly lower into the bottom of the squat. As you reach the bottom of the squat, you want to keep your knees out, keep your core tight, chest up high (thoracic Extension), and when you get to the bottom you want to feel like as if you are sitting on your hamstrings, don’t sit too far back (spinal curve and loss of position), or too far forward (hard on knees), you want to find a mid-way point where you are balanced, spine vertical and neutral, eyes looking forward, knees out, staying on heels, and sitting on your hamstrings. Then, as you drive out of the bottom, you want to reverse-engineer exactly what you did for eccentric portion, now for the concentric portion. Keep the knees out, stay on your heels, drive through the bar using your quads, hamstrings, while keeping your spine neutral and vertical tot he floor. As you drive through the sticking point, be sure to keep your elbows at your sides (do not flair your elbows backwards and over activate the lats, rather keep them tucked at your sides), drive through the bar, keeping knees out and stay on your heels, with a neutral spine until lockout. Reasons why you may be failing and how to improve: Positioning and timing are important factors in the squat, but you also want the strength to be able to do so under maximal load. As with all kinetic chains, there is always a weak point and the squat is no exception. If you struggle with keeping your knees out while coming out of the bottom, your glutes may be weak. If you struggle with the “sticking point” (aka the half-way point of the concentric portion coming out of the bottom of the squat), your quads may be weak, if you are all over the place and not “solid” or steady throughout any portion of the squat, you probably have a weak core and/or hips and need to strengthen those to improve. Also, keep in mind that doing mobility work to improve thoracic extension, hip and ankle mobility, and core strength - will basically guarantee you lift more weight, because instead of wasting energy by fighting to stay in proper position, you’ll instead be in proper position and using all of that energy to focus on maximal power output through the kinetic chain. Again, these are common points where guys hit plateaus, and how they can overcome them with the squat. Will post again next week with the deadlift.",,37,NeoTheJuanDJ,2019-08-27 22:01:27 marriedredpill,cw1gx9,"Own Your Shit Weekly - August 27, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,23,AutoModerator,2019-08-27 08:24:33 marriedredpill,cvo07b,Echo Chamber,"Echo Chamber: An enclosed space where sound reverberates. I, and you probably also - have an echo chamber. It is located in your head. This echo chamber is an interesting place to hang out in. It is where plans come to life, anxiety is created and people get lost in their history. This echo chamber is where your hamster lives, where you wonders live, where the uncertainty of your live grows. Inside this echo chamber, you wonder: Did she cheat? Does she love me? Should I dump Mandy? How do I build a D/s relationship? Should I apply for that job? Why did Joe get the promotion and not me? Should I try to pull 315, or is 275 good enough? Where do I want to be next month, in a year, in five years? Can I ever respect a woman I pee on? Do I even need to? Your echo chamber is not all bad. It is where Outcome Independence (OI) is born. In competition there are three possible outcomes. Win, lose, tie. When you visit your echo chamber, you are run through the various scenarios so that you can create OI. You can visualize, and hopefully understand that no matter what the outcome is - the only thing you can really control is yourself, and your reaction to external forces. The OYS you posted last week? That is you living in your echo chamber. Yes - I purposefully posted this on Monday morning to give you faggots time to ditch your OYS for this week. It is why I always start my OYS with ""Dear Diary -"" It is a log, an written down echo chamber. I see far to many men on this forum living inside their echo chamber. I don’t give a fuck about what happened last week in your echo chamber. Where are you going this week? I will admit - I have been spending far to much time in my own personal echo chamber. Thinking about the possibilities of my divorce, child custody, my future and where I want to go. Lately I have been able to escape my echo chamber and make some serious, yet incremental changes to my life which has been great. I recently made the connection on meditation. In fact, I have never seen it written like this: ""Meditation is a process by which you can escape your echo chamber, and become present in the moment."" Quote me motherfuckers, I just thought that up. Its true for me, maybe not for you. You echo chamber can be a very beautiful, healthy place to visit from time to time. But get the fuck out of there ASAP. The only place you can make real change is outside your Echo Chamber.",,62,red-sfpplus,2019-08-26 13:21:12 marriedredpill,cuqa4e,You don't get a break from being the Oak,"I haven’t put this out here on MRP, because I frankly didn’t want the pity or the small loss to anonymity, but I now want to put it out there because it may help somebody understand AWALT. And because it’s pussy shit to not put it out there. I’ve taken from this place for months, and I want to give back. I know a couple of you other guys on here have gone through some similar shit, and have the scars to prove it. So here it is: my son died at a little under a year old last year. He spent a little over a month in the ICU with meningitis, and I could see how poor his hospital course was going. I could see how the seizures were progressively getting worse even on the Phenobarbital. I saw how awful his most recent head MRI was. I saw how my wife was pretty much clueless that we would come to a point where we would have to make a decision to remove care or not. So I slowly prepared her for it. Eventually the time came. The outlook for him was awful. We chose to withdraw care and let him have his peace, and I know we made the right choice. So I planned the funeral. I wrote his eulogy. I stood up in front of family and friends, and delivered the eulogy. I cremated my boy. I did all of that without shedding a tear in front of a soul. When alone, I screamed at God and the universe. I sobbed and bitched and screeched. I did it right, by my own standards. Until I didn’t do it right…. In December of last year, my wife and I were on a trip together for my work, and it all hit me. All at once. I got low as shit. AND I LET IT SHOW. I got quiet and overtly sad as shit, and I let my sweet, loving, unicorn of a wife see it. I thought that somehow she would be there for me, as I had been there for her. Guess again, fucker: AWALT. Here’s how she handled it: She wanted to get a plane ticket, and leave me there for my work trip. She framed it as giving me the space I needed, but she literally had no idea how to handle a “man” who was acting like that. She couldn’t know how to handle it. She was so clueless and repulsed that she wanted to buy a fucking ticket to get away from me. And I can’t blame her. I had been strong and stoic through it all, but I slipped one fucking time and she wanted to bail. This is what eventually opened my eyes and led me to this haven of faggots and Wise men (and the fact that we had been heading to a dead bedroom for years). This is what eventually led me to the promise to myself that nobody will ever see me cry again. This is what you are up against if you think your wife is some kind of unicorn. This shit is as real as it gets. You don't get a break for the worst thing that could ever happen to you. Ask u/johneyapocalypse. If you think your sweet wife will be there for you through thick and thin, you better damn sure be the Oak during those times of thick and thin. She will travel through miles of shit to be there with you, if you have the value she craves. She will also travel through miles of shit to get away from your sorry ass if you slip, even one time. But understand that it doesn’t matter if the direction is down the shit stream, or up the shit stream: You’re alone. Anything else is a compliment to your awesome or shitty life. Might as well make it an awesome life. Be the prize, be your own source of happiness, and live out your mission and vision.",,180,RP_PO,2019-08-24 07:08:45 marriedredpill,cui28g,"Discipline, Consistency, and Vision"," This is not a post about creating an idealistic plan (that is blue pill), and “shooting for the stars”, this is about checking YOURSELF on how consistent you are, how disciplined you are, and whether you even know what the fuck you want now, in a year, in five/ten/fifteen years from now. In order to do so, you have to be willing to critically assess your performance in these three areas with 100% honesty and accountability. This is to wake up motherfuckers. Discipline, backed by consistency, applied towards a well-thought-out vision (or MAP) is the most important and effective recipe for success. What do you want? It’s clear here we all want to get common areas of our lives together to meet our vision. But how do you figure getting your dick wet more often is any different (in terms of work, time, and energy applied) than making that sale with that big client? What makes you think getting proficient in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu because you don’t feel confident you can protect you and your wife when you’re out at night, is any different than learning how to dress well, correct your poor posture, and to refine your social skills and game? How you do any thing is how you do every thing. I see guys on here all the time saying they want things to match their vision but aren’t staying disciplined in their actionable steps, who willingly aren’t staying consistent day-to-day and falling off the path, all of which is required to follow your vision and to move towards what YOU want for yourself. Are you serious about this? Because I’ll remind you there are guys literally killing themselves because they never found the information you have saved in the “bookmarks” on your phone. Guys that may have actually implemented these tools and strategies to fix their situation, had they known, as if their lives depended on it. Do you act like that? Be honest with yourself. Are you doing everything you can to fix your situation, knowing how to do it, like your life depended on it? Or are you half-assing things again (sound familiar? - like your old “former” self??). You want the changes, they require discipline, consistency, and in the direction of and moving towards your vision. You are either serious or you’re not. You have a second chance. Don’t keep that on the shelf to collect dust. Do it, everything in your vision, like your life depends on it.",,34,Slim-Pickins-,2019-08-23 18:44:49 marriedredpill,cu36w5,A Chapter on Frame,"If I fluently speak the language of game and seduction, but have no frame - I am only a [dancing monkey](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/74yepr/the_dancing_monkey_attraction_improvement/) or attention seeking [clown](https://www.rooshv.com/men-are-nothing-more-than-clowns-to-the-modern-woman). If I have the gift of [swole](https://www.reddit.com/r/swoleacceptance/) and understand all the mysteries of TRT and have a body blessed by Brodin himself, but do not have frame - I am nothing. If I make seven figures and dress the latest fashion, but do not have frame, I gain nothing. Frame is [essential](https://therationalmale.com/2011/10/12/frame/). Frame is congruent. It does not need to boast or protect the ego. [It lives fully and openly with authenticity](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/7lolrm/thoughts_on_frame/). It is not [easily angered](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/6daorr/anger_your_best_diagnostic_tool/), it is not [needy](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3hy2bl/the_principal_of_least_interest_the_core_of_oi/). It does not get [butthurt](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/7qhvml/men_with_no_frame_and_the_things_they_do/) or feel compelled to defend. Frame is [physical](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/33t792/the_elements_of_frame_1_physical_basis/), [intellectual](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/35tzkz/the_elements_of_frame_2_intellectual_basis/), and [emotional](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/420fuh/the_elements_of_frame_3_emotional_basis/). Frame perseveres. Where there is game, it will eventually fade. Where there is lifting, it will eventually decline. I learn, I grow, and I seek congruence and completeness with what I have learned. When I was a beta, I [talked like a beta](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/4c4f9l/a_theory_of_alpha_beta_and_frame/), I [thought like a beta](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2w6qjy/bprp_thought_patterns/), I reasoned like a beta. But when I began to understand alpha, I put the ways of the beta behind me. Right now, I see only a vision of the future, but soon, it will be fully realized. Now I know only in part, but then I shall know fully and be fully known. And now these three remain: game, lifting, and frame. **But the greatest of these is frame.**",,85,Cloudy_Pirate,2019-08-22 20:31:46 marriedredpill,cth4ws,A Man and His Struggle,"A man from a remote village walks 5 miles each day to get water from the nearest source for his family. The walk is not treacherous as he doesn't fear for his life, but it does place a burden on him physically, as the blisters on his feet hurt during an especially rocky part of the trail, mentally as he struggles with the load, and wishes for an easier way, and emotionally as it takes him away from his sons and daughters, his wife, and his village. &nbsp; But over time, the man adapts by fashioning some shoes, or by creating a new path easier on the feet...by accepting that struggle is a part of life and by gaining an appreciation of the struggle, the trail's beauty, and the purpose behind what he does...and by understanding that there's a time and place for joy with family and friends, as well as joy in solitude. &nbsp; The man has come to equilibrium with his task, knowing at all levels of life there are tasks that test us, and in rising to meet them, we find ways to either bring ourselves enough value to make it worth it, or reduce the burden we bear from it such that, again, we balance or tip the scales of value the other way. &nbsp; &nbsp; Little does the man know, but there is an underground aquifer a half mile from his hut. And if he digs a well there he will find water just as clean to take back to his family. Inevitably though, the extra time he finds for himself will result in a longing to fill it. For it is the human condition to fill that time with something. And in finding a goal to fill it with, he will again face struggles. &nbsp; Do you tell him about the aquifer? In absence of you telling him, should he search for the aquifer? Is time spent searching for a solution to a problem he is already at equilibrium with time well spent? &nbsp; Now let's say there is no aquifer, but he is searching for it. Do you tell him there is no aquifer? In absence of you telling him, should he not search for it? Is the struggles he faces searching for something he will not find better than the acceptance he had not knowing about it?",,41,[deleted],2019-08-21 13:50:02 marriedredpill,csux0d,"Own Your Shit Weekly - August 20, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,32,AutoModerator,2019-08-20 08:24:42 marriedredpill,cs1d0n,The Three Captains,"Three ships with three different captains were sailing alonside each other. Ahead of them was a huge storm forming. On the first ship, the 1st officer came running to the captain. \- ""Captain, captain, there's a huge storm coming, I'm so scared our ship will sink and we'll all die! You have to turn the ship around! "" The Captain replied : ""I can see you are very upset and frightened. I don't want any of my crew to feel like that, so I'll turn the ship around."" As soon as they reached the harbour, the 1st officer signed off and never sailed again. On the second ship, the same thing happened. There, the Captain said: \- ""1st officer, you are clearly not in shape to be of any assistance at this point. Go to your quarters immidiately!"" With his 1st officer trying to calm his nerves with a bottle of vodka in his quarters , the captain then radioed the weather services for the latest reports, checked the radar and the chart for alternative routes, then made his decision. The 1st officer became an alcoholic and eventually signed off. And behold, the same scene played out also on the third ship. This ship had the most experienced captain of the three, and he said to the 1st officer: \-""Dont worry, I've seen worse and there's no doubt our ship can handle this. What I need you to do now is to radio the weather service for the latest reports, meanwhile I'll check the radar and charts for alternative routes, then we can see how best to handle the situation."" The ship reached it's destination, although a little late, and the 1st officer sailed with the captain until his retirement. &#x200B; End of story.",,131,ice_walker,2019-08-18 13:45:19 marriedredpill,cpq6m3,"Own Your Shit Weekly - August 13, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,26,AutoModerator,2019-08-13 08:24:35 marriedredpill,cmnwtr,"Own Your Shit Weekly - August 06, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,26,AutoModerator,2019-08-06 08:24:37 marriedredpill,cldaxh,The Underhanded Nature of Covert Contracts,"**Covert Contract**: I will do this for you so you will do something for me. We will both act as if we have no awareness of this contract. Nice Guys try to appear needless and wantless. They focus on meeting everyone else's needs while neglecting their own. They're always available when a friend needs a favor or a boss asks them to work late while simultaneously neglecting their needs at home. This ensures that their own needs are never met. They make a covert contract such as ""I'm a nice guy and I work hard. My wife should give me sex."" #Why nice guys ""faggots"" create covert contracts in the first place The reason nice guys create covert contracts is to create distance between themselves and others in a way that ensures their needs are never met. Deep down they believe they are not worthy of love or sex or meaningful friendships and so they self sabotage in an elaborate act of self deception. Deep down you believe you are worthless. Even as you start to take care of yourself you will sabotage your own efforts. Your subconscious works in the shadows and diligently fucks your shit up. Your own brain is saying: - You started lifting? Well, you need extra calories! Eat a ton and call it ""bulking"". - You're cutting? You should stop lifting since that will increase your calorie needs. Also cut out the protein. That's just extra calories. - You found an attractive girl that actually likes you? Tell her she's fat so she'll stop having sex with you. - You're hanging out with a group of guys? Better show them how much of an intellectual you are so they'll like you. Talk about how much money you have too. And how much you can lift. #How to overcome the faggot mindset Deliberately do good things for yourself. When you do nice things for yourself you imply that you are worth something. Make a list of possible things to do - Lift - Track your food - Avoid junk food - Buy nice clothes and cologne - Pay to have your car detailed - Take a day off work just for yourself - Be assertive and express what you want Do these things without sabotaging your efforts. When you're a recovering nice guy you're dealing with cognitive dissonance by simultaneously trying to get your needs met while also believing you have no value. You must get to a point where you know you have value without any external attachments. You're not valuable because of your accomplishments, income, looks, status, a pretty wife. You're valuable because you value yourself. This is the foundation of your Frame: ""I have value."" When you are able to start from a place of value you can work effectively to meet your own needs. You stop with the covert contracts because you actually want to meet your needs and **you do the work necessary to ensure that happens**. When you are solid in your own Frame with an internal ""knowing"" of your intrinsic value, then and only then can you begin to lead and help others.",,97,Iammrp2,2019-08-03 02:10:02 marriedredpill,ckk9gn,Alpha Widows,"Essay [https://therationalmale.com/2019/07/31/alpha-widows/](https://therationalmale.com/2019/07/31/alpha-widows/) &#x200B; **What is an Alpha Widow?** To understand the phenomenon of the Alpha Widow we must look at women’s evolved mating strategy – *Hypergamy*, a woman’s intrinsic desire to balance the best quality sexual/reproductive male with the best provisioning/parentally invested male. Since a woman’s mating strategy centers on quality in a long term partner(s) women tend to focus on ideals in men. The imperative drive for mate quality extends to both sides of women’s Hypergamous equation; the best genetic, sexual experience *and* the best long term security potential. [***Only women are Hypergamous***](https://therationalmale.com/2018/01/15/hypergamy-the-misconceptions/), and Hypergamy never seeks its own level – it is always seeking a *better-than-merited* exchange in SMV compared to her own. For more information on this concept read [***False Equivalencies***](https://therationalmale.com/2017/02/28/false-equivalencies/). When a woman misses the opportunity to consolidate on a confirmed, high SMV (sexual market value) male that man becomes the new standard for what she believes she can attract as a potential mate. *“I’ve an SMV 8 guy before so in the future no man below an 8 will be my optimal choice.”* Even if a woman’s perception of her own SMV isn’t realistic her *Id* wants what it believes it can get. The setting of a mating strategy metric in men is largely a subconscious process for women, but, more often now, high-ego women do consciously acknowledge that one man does (or doesn’t) meet the SMV benchmark of a previous lover. As women have become more comfortable in embracing [***Open Hypergamy***](https://therationalmale.com/2014/08/07/open-hypergamy/), amongst their girlfriends, on social media, they will readily debate this SMV metric of past boyfriends. The Alpha Widow dynamic is no secret among women. Usually this involves women bemoaning the lack of “*eligible*” men in their lives when their prime SMV years are behind them. Please note that *eligible* implies an entitlement to a man who would be an ideal. This qualification process is a constant for women, and it’s a complement to mens’ [***Burden of Performance***](https://therationalmale.com/2014/09/23/the-burden-of-performance/). Women’s Hypergamous filtering process evolved from an [***Existential Fear***](https://therationalmale.com/2019/03/11/womens-existential-fear/) of pairing with any man beneath her own (self-perceived) SMV and risking her life on a bad reproductive bet.  The worst existential prospect for a woman is to have her mating strategy superseded and controlled by that of a suboptimal man.  The flip side to this dynamic is that, evolutionarily speaking, a woman’s subconscious cannot afford to miss out on an optimal Hypergamous pairing. If a woman’s *Existential Fear* is to be forced to reproduce with a lesser man, the next fear is to lose or miss out out on the opportunity to consolidate on monogamy with a high SMV man. When I talk about how a woman will make rules for Betas, but break rules for Alphas this is the root of that principle.  As such, a man who exceeds a woman’s SMV, and creates a benchmark of her ‘*personal best*’ ideal male to breed with and parentally invest with, makes a significant impact on her psyche; sometimes in the long term. When a woman *has* had this man – one for whom she has genuine, organic desire for – but she cannot consolidate on him (i.e. lock down in monogamy), this represents a critical loss of the ideal Hypergamous/Reproductive/Life strategy option. Mentally this is what a woman will strive in some way to recreate with subsequent men in her life – a return to that ideal state. This then is the basis of the **Alpha Widow**: ***A mental fixation on the man who made the most significant impact upon a woman as her Hypergamous ideal.***",,70,Rollo-Tomassi,2019-08-01 05:49:51 marriedredpill,cjos8c,"Own Your Shit Weekly - July 30, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,20,AutoModerator,2019-07-30 08:24:36 marriedredpill,cjc22a,Azimuth Check,"Land Navigation is probably one of the hardest skills for an Military Officer to learn and retain. The US spends 4 years training an officer, for just about all of the branches; a lot of leadership, small unit tactics, and a handful of other basic soldiering skills. Sure there are programs that can go shorter or longer but for the most part it is 4 years. The Cadet’s abilities will vary wildly based on what program and school they come from. ROTC vs West Point vs OCS; even what university if you are ROTC can matter. Even still it usually comes down to the individual. Still there is one skill that all cadets had trouble with. Land Navigation. I never saw an exception unless that cadet had been prior service and land nav as part of his MOS. Now I don’t mean with GPS, I mean with a magnetic compass, paper map, and your pace measured out so you knew how far one step carried you. The final test would see a cadet given 5 points. All over a distance of maybe 10 miles, some points would be closer to each other than others, but you had 6 hours to complete the course. Some would measure out both a running and walking pass count, that way they could run when they wanted. Pretty smart. It seems simple, get your azimuth, distance, and direction. Then go. Only it’s not that easy unless you’ve done it for years. See when you walk over distance you naturally drift to your dominate side. The counter to this you would be told to take a knee, recheck your azimuth every 30-40 pace counts. So yeah you had to be keeping track. This would help to make sure you are still headed towards the point. This even effected you if you walked around an obstacle such as a tree, rock, ditch, or fence. The counter here was to go left on one then right on the other. Still you had to stop and take an azimuth. All that said it was still easy to be 30- 50 meters off your desired location. You have to really work at it. I mean you have to hump your ass off. Through all sorts of terrain. What are you checking your azimuth against? Swallowing the Red Pill is not an easy proposition. It tears a man down. Along comes someone who says, “I can help you. I can give you what you need.” This persuader appeals to our missing needs and because it’s a vulnerable moment for an unplugging man, it’s very easy to sell, to persuade. The problem is people too often look for someone else to solve their problems. These people are not just looking for hope. They are not just looking for examples, but for someone who knows. Someone who has the iChing. Who has solved the problem. Rule Zero is true north. It’s a key component that cannot be forgotten. At it’s core the focus is on you. What you want and need. It places the man at the center of his world and it’s jarring because that is not what you were taught. Not what you were told would get you any where. Get married or stay married. Plate women, get jacked, get wealthy. Doesn’t matter. These things don’t make a man. They are things to do that are easy to change. Things that help you get in a new mindset and break the blue pill mold. You can be all these things and still not live life on your terms. What are you setting your azimuth against here? Stay focused on the larger picture. Be careful of the dangers of creating gurus, because when you create a guru you’re saying that this person is above me and it’s very easy then to become a worshiper rather than a student. This was never about her. Them. That other guy. It has always been about your self respect. Your boundaries and knowing what you will and will not put up with. Then holding to them. This has always been about you. Along the way make sure to a Take knee and check your azimuth.",,73,ReddJive,2019-07-29 14:35:30 marriedredpill,cj8pgz,You can't get better without doing. And you can't do better without thinking.,"##**Past** Back in the PUA community, there were a ton of Keyboard Jockeys. These were the guys who would read all the material and theorycraft the hell out of everything. They knew the ins and outs of the lingo and would write about how all the theory should work. Those guys were morons. The people who went out knew the KJs were full of shit. The theory is great (it really isn't.. ), but the application of theory gets messed up really fast. Being in field forces you to challenge your theory and adapt your approaches, otherwise you're going to continually fail. But being in field isn't enough - you also have to have the introspection and active/engaged learning to diagnose and understand what's actually going wrong. And those guys never did that -- those guys never failed or put themselves in a position to fail. So they never put themselves to succeed. ##**Present** Like I've mentioned in my OYS threads, I recently launched a side business in the travel services space. We're incorporated and we think we have a great solution to a problem people have. We're really excited to get out there and show how awesome we are to potential customers. So we did what any great company would do, we got in front of people. I spent this past weekend at a local festival trying to sell my product. For the record, I've never sold anything in my life. I like engaging people when I'm in the mood, and I'd like to think I have pretty good interpersonal skills. I've never done any marketing, customer engagement, or sales. But I have a great service, so it should literally sell itself. Easy, right? --- *Day 1* Frankly, it sucked. It was awesome from a learning perspective, but right away I knew we weren't up to par. To our right was a gallery with photo booths and arts and crafts for kids. To our left was a Church was 5-7 people staffing it at any time, huge flow of friends and visitors, and a spinny wheel where they were just giving stuff away. Our booth? It was me and my partner. We had a 4x8 banner and a canopy that you'd use while camping. We had literally nothing to engage people except the fact that there were 2 of us, and a belief in our product. So what'd we do? Cold approaches -- just like the good ol' PUA days. It was grindy, like pulling teeth. People were polite, and some people were pleasant, others were interested, but ultimately, we were doing it wrong. They knew it, we felt it, the vibe just didn't flow right. It was draining and a defeating, but it was also such a massive learning experience. --- *Day 1 Retrospective* After day 1, it all felt wrong, but what was actually wrong? Taking the time to do a retrospective on what went wrong was so key to making progress on day 2. There was the obvious * We didn't have a good hook (no marketing, no free stuff). But there was the much more subtle stuff * We were trying to push our service onto people instead of knowing we have value and giving them the opportunity to want to learn about us. People hate feeling like they've a commodity -- and ultimately that was what we were doing day 1. There was absolutely no reason for us to try to sell, because our service actually provides value. All we needed to do, was find the people who would benefit from our problem. Instead of talking about us and what we do, the focus needed to be on the customer and the problems that we can solve for them, i.e. our value add. --- *Day 2* It was awesome. It was a 12 hour day that felt like nothing. What'd we change? Just about everything. * We pimped our setup. We added a globe and some airplanes. * We went for a conversation instead of a sell. We got a globe and some pins to get an initial engagement. This was refined throughout the day from ""Where are you going next?"" to a more hypothetical ""If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?"" With the former, people still reacted as if we wanted to sell them something, and so wanted to avoid us if possible. * We changed our approach. Instead of going to talk to people, we'd engage people who slowed down to read our banner. This made it a warmer approach. We gave an excuse for why we were talking to them, so they could feel the plausible deniability. ""Hey! We're putting pins on our globe for where people want to travel. If you could.."" We learned that putting a pause after ""Hey!"", actually drove people away, because that gave them time to worry about what we're trying to sell them on. * We focused on learning about the customer. Who were these people coming to see us? Did they like to travel? If so, where? How often? What's their dream destination? Why? The lady who wanted to go to Zimbabwe was fascinating. And then to the points were our value lies. Do you book your own travel? What do you find most challenging? Is it the constant booking and price anxiety? That's where we can help. So now, instead of trying to get them to buy our service, we're solving their actual problems. It was killer, just so much easier... and it's things I should've remembered from my PUA days. I'm not there to convince someone that I'm valuable. I'm already valuable. I'm there to learn about the other person to see if we're compatible. And if we are, let's see how we move forward to be mutually beneficial. Day 2, we didn't need to sell anyone anything. They engaged with us. They asked for our cards. They signed up for our newsletter. Because we weren't trying to get them to buy anything, we were offering value and it was up to them to engage or not. And when they learned it was free value, they absolutely wanted to engage. Day 1, we had 4 email sign ups when we tried to get them to sign up. Day 2, we had multiple pages even though our approach was ""we have a mailing list. if you're interested, feel free. if you're not, no worries."" ##**You** There's a lot of stuff packed into the anecdote from the weekend. And none of it really has to deal with my shitty attempt at marketing. What it's really about is being better. For you, dear reader, what I want you to takeaway are the following 3 points: 1. **Not showing up means you're guaranteed to fail.** I thought our service was so cool that it'd be so easy to do marketing and customer acquisition. I was full of shit and very, very wrong. That's why getting the actual in-field experience was enlightening. Next step is to get a way bigger globe to do more peacocking. 2. **Just showing up is not enough.** If all we did was to show up on day 2 and do the exact same shit we did day 1, we'd fail just as badly on day 2 with even greater volumes because of the longer day. ""Hey! We're here! Buy us!"" -- still a shitty tactic. 3. **Being actively engaged, understanding the problem, and adapting are how you set yourself up to be better.** Refinement and improvement is all about understanding what's actually going wrong. You can't figure out what's going on if you're just dilly dallying going through the motions. It's easy to end day 1 thinking we just had dickhead customers who didn't appreciate our greatness enough (true! by the way), and it was easy to think that day 2, with more people we would've had more and better customers (pipedream). The hard work was understanding why things weren't really working and testing out different strategies to get that improvement. And then continually refining to be continually improving. When I read OYS posts, so many of you guys are doing great work, doing the hard stuff -- the retrospection/introspection, the adaption, and the testing of various approaches, I love it. But there are some of you guys who just flounder and wait on other people's solutions -- and the reality for those people is they simply won't succeed. They'll be in a groundhogs day loop of Day 1. I want you all to succeed, but if you have no interest in making yourself successful, I have no interest in making this fantastic place available to you. So be sure you're setting yourself up for success with or without MRP.",,67,[deleted],2019-07-29 09:05:34 marriedredpill,ci4sc5,Heirs of the Blank Slate,"Essay: [https://therationalmale.com/2019/07/26/heirs-of-the-blank-slate/](https://therationalmale.com/2019/07/26/heirs-of-the-blank-slate/) &#x200B; Excerpt: &#x200B; **The Human System** I use the term “*evolved mental firmware*” a lot in my writing. I look at it like this; we have the hardware that is our biological reality, a firmware that is our in-born, evolved proclivities (and the psychological aspects of how men and women’s hardware affects it) and the software that accounts for the social programming we learn from our environments and circumstances. From the perspective of my theory on perceptive processes (*I*[***nstinct, Emotion & Reason***](https://therationalmale.com/2018/04/11/instinct-emotion-and-reason/)) our firmware influences all three of these processes. Blank Slate equalism would condition us to believe that our biology (hardware) is insignificant, our firmware is non-existent or inconsequential, and our programming (social learning) is the only thing that makes us what we are. If this sounds like *progressivist* boilerplate you’re not too far off. Modern concepts of social justice use exactly this social constructionism to justify their positions on a great many issues – and especially gender issues. However, it’s a mistake to think the Blank Slate is a religion only for leftists and feminists. Equalism is the starting point for the beliefs of many well-meaning Blue Pill conservatives too. Feminism depends on egalitarian ideals setting the intersexual ‘[***Frame***](https://therationalmale.com/2017/05/25/the-meta-frame/)‘ for selling its ideology. *“If only men would cooperate and help smash the Patriarchy we could live in an ideal state of egalitarian equalism.”* The cover story of a ‘push for equality’ all depends on the Blank Slate notion that men and women are functional equals and all this inequality is the result of social doctrines (and plenty of *evil* men). If it’s all about social constructionism then all that’s needed is to change everyones’ programming and thus an idealized gender neutral world ought to be possible. Male feminists, Mens Rights Activists and Masculinity Apologist organizations all have this in common – they buy into the Blank Slate and the feminist lie that gender equality is an achievable goal based on it. Most of them don’t realize they’re carrying feminist water in their egalitarian beliefs. They just believe in the hope of an “equal partnership” in their marriages and ignore or demonize the influence our evolved firmware exerts in themselves and their wives. So even when they accept intersexual differences and the influence of our firmware, the next defense of the Blank Slate is moralism.",,40,Rollo-Tomassi,2019-07-26 16:07:18 marriedredpill,chpb2v,Going to the Moon and MRP,"Last Saturday was the 50th anniversary of Apollo 11 landing on the moon. Good shit – as I watched/read/listened to documentaries and podcasts about it the parallels with MRP became apparent. Men went to the moon, men built the rockets, men were in mission control, men died on the launchpad, men willingly plunged into the unknown and achieved greatness. ***Choose Motherfucker*** *“We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy but because it is hard…” – JFK* Look at this statement. Read it and read it again. The first step is to *CHOOSE*. Do you want to live in a sub-par life? Or do you want to live life to the fullest? Your options are to 1) live sub-par (easy) or 2) work your ass off and become a high value man (hard). But YOU need to choose – there’s no middle ground. MRP is hard, it’s very hard, likely the hardest shit you’ll do. But you CAN do it. So, make your choice. Once the choice was made to go to the moon the rest was simply technology, engineering, and a shitload of hard work. MRP path is straightforward, but it’s a shitload of hard work. The biggest waste of time is sat deciding the path forward. What lifting program should I start? What book should I read next? What diet should I try?... I am of the strong mindset to pick a path and then reassess frequently and adjust as necessary. Otherwise you have non-value added time sitting there just theorizing on what you *should* do versus actually *doing* it. ***Why Choose the Hard Way?*** There’s more to this quote… “… because that goal will serve to organize and measure the best of our energies and skills, because that challenge is one that we are willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone, and one which we intend to win.” - JFK *THIS* is what MRP offers – this is what we do here. This is not a “Top 10 tricks to make your wife have sex”. We work to give the BEST of ourselves – our masculine energy; we hone our unique skills as men – leadership, strength, emotional stability. We are doing this NOW. To the lurkers and those who is still looking at the RP or licking it – be unwilling to POSTPONE any longer. ***Incremental Improvement*** We didn’t go from sub-orbital unmanned flight to landing on the moon. We went from sub-orbital unmanned flight -> sub-orbital manned flight -> orbital flight -> extended orbital flight -> space walks -> docking with another spacecraft -> lunar orbit -> dress-rehearsal to land on the moon -> landing on the moon. This is the area I struggle with and see it in a lot of posts lately. It’s the thought of: “How do I accelerate my lifts/diet/frame to be the best in the shortest possible time?”. Rephased: “What cheat codes are there to get the quickest improvement with the least amount of work?” The answer is: **there are no cheat codes**. You build a realistic plan, execute, and make small incremental improvements. If you look at the steps going to the moon, each one really wasn’t much difficult than the previous one. The key is to continually have small successes. You don’t go from never lifting to /u/red-sfspplus level. You go from being able to bench the bar -> benching the bar +5 -> bar +10 -> etc. Do you still suck in comparison to others? Sure… but do you suck AS MUCH as you did before? Hell no. So… stop comparing yourself to others. The only question you should be asking yourself every week is “Am I better than I was compared to last week?”. ***Failure*** In reaching the moon - men died. Equipment failed. Shit happened. No one threw up their hands and said “this is too hard we quit”. They figured out what went wrong, why it went wrong, corrected it, and moved on. You will fail. You will have a bad week. You will fail across the board – shit tests, lifts, diet, comfort tests, maintaining frame. You’ll be butthurt, go Rambo, get angry, create covert contracts (and not even realize it). You’ll take two steps forward and one back. Sometimes it will be two steps forward and three back. **This is why the OYS thread is so critical** – you have the opportunity every fucking week to reassess yourself, look at what you failed on and elicit feedback to tweak your plan as needed. Shut down your ego and listen to the advice. Objectively look at what’s being suggested and really consider it. If you want to know what the secret is to success? It’s moving forward after failure and not fucking dwelling on the failure. That’s it, that’s the secret. When you screw up: 1. What went wrong 2. Why did it go wrong 3. How do I fix what went wrong 4. Then you fix it/tweak it/take a different approach and move on You screwed up – it’s in the past, you learned something from it and now you’re better. ***Don’t Stop Improving*** If you look back at sci-fi movies from the ‘60s and 70’s, the thought was we’d be much much further along in terms of space exploration than today. Colonies on the moon, colonies on mars, travelling to the outer solar system, space hotels, space tourism. So, what happened? What the fuck happened? The pace we went from effectively nothing to the moon was less than 10 years. We said “it’s good enough”. Why would we want to improve more? Hell, America doesn’t even have a viable spacecraft right now. This is not the place to argue the merits or money in the space program, but what happened was we grew complacent. Don’t grow complacent. Always be striving to improve. Keep setting new goals and work to achieve them. The moment you stop improving is the moment you start deteriorating. Always choose to improve yourself.",,70,[deleted],2019-07-25 15:35:28 marriedredpill,chltlr,You don’t know how weak you are because you don’t know what strength is.," You’re new to MRP. Your life sucks. Your wife doesn’t. We get it. Your biggest problem is frame. Frame comes in two parts… physical frame and mental frame. You lack both. &#x200B; Building physical frame is easy. You hit the gym, you lift heavy, you eat right, and you sleep well. Next time you hit the gym, you lift heavier, you eat right and you sleep well. Rinse and repeat. &#x200B; One to two years later, you’re no longer a skinny / fat fuck and people take notice of you.. women in particular. It’s a long process, but relatively speaking, it’s easy – you don’t have to be intelligent to lift weights, you just need to be determined. &#x200B; It’s also easy to map out your goals, record your progress and adjust your approach if things aren’t going quite as planned. &#x200B; The best place to measure your strength is here: [https://symmetricstrength.com/](https://symmetricstrength.com/) &#x200B; Dial in your latest lifts and don’t bullshit yourself with 1RMs you’ve never tested. &#x200B; How did you do? Score of around 30-50? Subpar to Novice Level? Sounds about right. You still don’t know what strength is but at least you know how weak you are. &#x200B; Yeah, you’re a weak motherfucker. Suck it up. &#x200B; &#x200B; Mental frame isn’t so easy. There is no website where you can measure its strength. There is no gym you can go to to make it stronger. There is no roadmap to building a better frame. The sidebar will help you get there but in the end, your frame has to be yours – it has to be built by you, handcrafted by you, made rock solid by you. It becomes – not just part of who you are – but the essence of who you are. &#x200B; A good litmus test for frame is this – &#x200B; \- Do you struggle with the concept of frame? \- Do you think about frame a lot? \- Do you often wonder whose frame you are in? \- Do you often think about whether you held frame / broke frame in certain situations? \- Do you worry about other people’s opinions of you? \- Do you spend time thinking about what your wife might be thinking about? \- Do you have to keep reminding yourself that you “are the prize”? \- Do you ever ask yourself “do I have the frame to do this?” &#x200B; If you answered yes to any one of those questions, your frame is weak. If you answered yes to all of those questions, your frame is non-existent. You still don’t know what strength is but at least you have an idea of how weak you are. &#x200B; One thing building mental frame has in common with building physical frame, is that it takes time. You can't walk into the gym as a skinny fuck and expect to walk out 2 months later as a beast. It just won’t happen. The same applies to mental frame... you're basically doing a mental recomposition and you're doing it without a roadmap. How you get there comes down to you.. the road will never be the same for two people. A lot of the time you're finding your way in the dark. You'll fuck up a lot along the way. But really, there's no other way to do it. &#x200B; Mental frame must never be neglected – all the concepts you read about in MRP stem from this and form a feedback loop with it.. Outcome Indpendence, Leadership, IDGAF, being the Captain, being The Prize etc.. using these concepts will help you build frame and when you have solid frame, all of those things become easy. &#x200B; The biggest Litmus Test of all is this – when you no longer think about frame or worry about it, when it becomes second nature to you and becomes part of your nature – that’s when you know you have frame. That’s when you know what real strength is. &#x200B; Until you build frame – both physical and mental frame – you will never see any real progression. You can’t devlop one and not bother with the other. There’s no point in being a strong, muscular fucker if your mental frame is shit. You’ll just be a strong muscular fucker who can still be mentally pulled apart and shat on by women. &#x200B; You can’t have a rock solid mental frame and be a fat fuck because you’ll still be a fat fuck. &#x200B; You need both. You need to be strong both mentally and physically. &#x200B; Until then, you don’t know how weak you are because you don’t know what strength is.",,100,[deleted],2019-07-25 10:16:56 marriedredpill,chp2w6,Vetting. Why bother when boundaries are way better,"Hope everyone was entertained. I was going to post this in TRP only, as anyone who found their way here is well past the point where they have to vett a girl. It's been rightfully pointed out that some of the risks take a bit of a leap and have quite a few assumptions, but they aren't the point. It's not the bloodsport everyone was talking about, but I'm sure someone will Jacktenofhearts this beast [All 7 parts here](https://www.rianstone.com/blog/vetting1) #Vetting Vetting is the relationship strategy where a man takes a list of values and qualities he prefers in women and uses it to assess the viability of the woman he is currently dating so that he can know if she is worth committing to over the long term. The quintessential strategy for the type of men who readily identify with being traditional and conservative within a modern and liberal society. Note, these are little ‘l,’ and little ‘c.’ This isn’t about tribal politics, this is about men. The vetting strategy is thrown around as if its the same strategy men have used throughout history, when in reality it’s a horrible mental model; a narrative guys use to provide comfort for the grim reality that relationships all end, and most end well before the man is ready to move on, or his children have had the full biological father experience. #####Vetting is a horrible strategy for the following reasons: 1. Men do not know what they want in life. Men have a wonderful ability to rationalize what the world offers, transforming it what men wanted all along. A vetting list is guesswork and post hoc rationalization. 1. Vetting a woman is vetting for values. The question is, whose values? Men today are instilled with feminine values, created by and for women to meet their own needs, not his. 1. Vetting only works if everyone is doing is immunized from everything else. 1. Vetting for values is a narcissistic fantasy, and serve to hide the true nature of women and men in order to live in the narrative it presents. By the time the masks come off it’s too late. 1. Vetting creates an ego investment, where a man ignores anything that is outside of his vetted criteria. If the list is wrong, it’s an attack on a mans ego, and he will fight tooth and nail to protect it. 1. Even if the masks are off, and humans are naked and honest in their interactions (which they aren’t) vetting offers a snapshot into someones values, not a longitudinal assessment. It has the same longevity as an MBTI assessment; it’s astrology for the educated. 1. Vetting is often done to the exclusion of actual relationship strategies. Boundary enforcement is far superior and doesn’t require a lifetime of instilling feminine values in a man in order to understand them. #I. Men do not know What they want in life. The idea of taking a man at his most inexperienced and encouraging him to develop a list of qualities that give him the best choice in a long term relationship is naive. Vetting is touted as mitigation of risk, but risk is a wonderful container word that we can fill with whatever feelings we want. What exactly is a man risking? ... The risk is ones ego. Most men who tout vetting as a relationship strategy tend to be early into their relationships. It’s not that a man knows it works, it’s that he hopes it worked, even though it was largely guesswork and coming to terms with the person that took interest in him. Our ego tells us that this one of a kind girl is the kind of girl that we carefully observed and concluded that she was one of a kind, one in a million of her kind. For most men, the one of a kind girl wasn’t one of a kind, she was the one girl who kind of showed us any affection at all. The girl we were the kind of man that she was able to attract, he was her niche. She had a specific type of man she could attract, and we let life happen to us. And this is why vetting does not work. Vetting implies we are taking control over our lives, and in reality, most men are letting life happen to them, and vetting provides a narrative that allows a man to pretend he doesn’t sail to wherever the winds decide to take him. For the inexperienced man (most men) he doesn’t get to decide, others will decide for him and he has to come to terms with that, hence, vetting.",,28,RStonePT,2019-07-25 15:18:14 marriedredpill,chmuoa,No Real Man Fallacy,"Ever hear of The No True Scotsman fallacy? It is a way of reinterpreting evidence in order to prevent the refutation of one’s position. Proposed counter-examples to a theory are dismissed as irrelevant solely because they are counter-examples, but purportedly because they are not what the theory is about. The No True Scotsman fallacy involves discounting evidence that would refute a proposition, concluding that it hasn’t been falsified when in fact it has. 1. John cheats on his wife 2. No real man (red pill man, alpha) cheats on his wife. Therefore: John is not a real man (red pill man, alpha) Therefore: John is not a counter-example to the claim that a real man (red pill man, alpha) cheats on his wife. I call this the No Real Man Fallacy and it’s gaining traction throughout Red Pill. It’s bullshit. This fallacy is a form of circular argument, with an existing belief being assumed to be true in order to dismiss any apparent counter-examples to it. The existing belief thus becomes unfalsifiable. Let’s be clear. Red Pill is not endorsing whole sale cheating though it doesn’t vilify it either. Such a move is reserved for the highest levels of dread and even then you have had the FMOFY speech. There are times men are goaded into it because we are proving the point that sex is just that easy to get. If that’s all you want, then get laid. Go do it and stop bothering us. Making this move at DL11 is not for everyone. Most times things don’t get this far. Divorce happens or she jumps on board the train. It will result in one of two things: 1. Complete destruction of an already bad marriages 2. Her utter submission because she knows you can walk out. There are men here that can attest to either of these outcomes with the use of Dread in this way. It’s been clear that sex is part of the relationship otherwise you are seeking it else where. No one can force someone to have sex yet neither can an adult be forced into celibacy. Some of the premises used in the No Real Man Fallacy are: you create fear in her (aka negative side of dread), a real man faces his problems head on, a real man would just up and leave.....The list goes on. The MRP premise has always been at DL11 go get laid. You’ve run the race. She isn’t listening. This step is acknowledging the final end. You are getting fucked you are getting laid. She has no control over that decision. While you can’t make someone have sex (though you can make them pay for your life) you equally can’t force someone into celibacy. By putting yourself into fictitious beliefs as to what a “real man is and does” you are continuing the same blue pill bullshit that brought you here. Cheat or don’t cheat. That’s your decision. Focusing on this is missing the point. Sex is damn easy to get. Believe me. I am Chad. Yet don’t come here declaring you are a man of your word. I will find many ways in which that isn’t true. The only place honor and your word exist is when you can afford it. When you have reached the position of a high value man and you can afford to keep your word then you do. Until then you are fighting your way and should not be limiting yourself. Eventually you will find you give your word less and only to things that matter. Constantly giving your word devalues its worth (see the connection?). I remember when I had my first beer. I was 18. Fresh out of basic training. My squad leader handed it to me at my first squad party. I was pretty nervous, like looking around for mom. Fuck, I had just graduated basic training, AIT, in my first unit.....I had never had a beer up until then. He looked at me and said: >First beer, eh kid? Yeah. >Listen. (He pulled the beer away) Don’t let any one force you to drink. If you want to. Do it. If not. Then don’t. Don’t be forced into decisions you don’t want to make but also don’t be afraid to make them.",,32,ReddJive,2019-07-25 12:11:15 marriedredpill,ch7b6j,From purple pill married to fully red pill: My Journey,"In the last 4 years, I went from purple pill to red pill. It was quite a journey, because the red pill is fucking tough to swallow even though you know what to expect from married life you still have to go through the motions. &#x200B; I never wanted to become one of those depressed married guys that walk around with his head bowed down, so I knew before I got married, I need a different path. I'm coming close to finding it. &#x200B; However, it didn't stop me from becoming a fat married fuck in the first 2 years, who became comfortable because he married a 9. &#x200B; After 2 years I woke up an started lifting. &#x200B; **TL:DR --->>>** [https://imgur.com/a/bjd9hGS](https://imgur.com/a/bjd9hGS) ( 2 years of lifting). Just to confirm no incel is writing here. &#x200B; These are the tactics and tools I used, that helped me tremendously. I will skip frame and all the other obvious steps. &#x200B; **Lift** Raise your SMV. Regardless if your wife is hot or average stay home mom. Your life is not circled around her. Get a decent workout plan and execute it without excuses. I managed a six-pack in those 2 years with just 3 times lifting a week and following macros. Including all the day to day stress with kids and work. &#x200B; **Books** We all heard the top 10 list of books a red piller should read. For me personally, the one I was like ""FUCK I wish I read that when I was 16"" was ""**The Way of the Superior man""**. Must read! &#x200B; Other recommendations &#x200B; Meditations - Mark Aurel The one Thing - Gary Keller (productivity bible) King, Warrior, Magician, Lover - Rober Moore (incredible insight in the male psyche) Do the Work - Steven Pressfield (no bullshit, straight in your face advice for being productive) Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality - Christopher Ryan Bonus: Bhagavad Gita Its a book on the more spiritual side, which counters the hyper rational red pill theory. However, I found a lot of truth in this book and it helps if you have some narcist tendencies. Jordan Peterson once said, if you are rather on the selfish side, you need to do some selfless deeds and vice versa this book helps a lot. (If you are a blue pill guy, ""No more Mr. Nice Guy"" is your pick) &#x200B; **RDG - (Random Dread Game)** This is a theory that made my life a lot easier and keeps my wife on top of thing. Now I assume we all heard of the step by step guide of dread game. If you have a very jelous wife, this might fire backwards, so readers discretion is advised. &#x200B; I realized whenever I played good old husband, sooner or later my wife gets bored. She went out drinking with the girls, which from a biology perspective means, looking if better mating partners are out there. Of course she will not admit it, but it is what it is. Since I went from fat boy to hot guy, those days are gone. She wants to stay at home. All those depressed married femal friends that want to go out with her, gave up because she keeps saying no. &#x200B; Possible Reason? &#x200B; One thing i keep doing is use a Random Dread game tactic, which most of the time means meeting women who are preferably hotter than my wife. I got a few female friends, with no resposibilities who are in their early 20s. Of course none of them would admit that they want to fuck me. It required a lot of self-discipline to not fuck the shit out of them, but it makes my life so much easier to have them around. &#x200B; My wife knows any minute, any day, any week, I can have a woman which is into me, younger and some better looking. There have been quiet a few main events leading up to this, but it worked out. She's never happy when im out with a ""friend"" to smoke hookah or grab a few drinks. Some of them she likes and she knows them from the gym I work out at. &#x200B; **Kids** One of the things I always do, take care of the children. I drive them to schools, kindergarten. Spend time at the playground with tight shirts, while all the other mums have to acts like they are not keep staring at me. I support them in sport activities and keep on doing it, whether my wife is with me or im alone. Doesn't make a difference. &#x200B; I'm always prepared for divorce, so one thing someone will not say, is that I dont take care of my kids. &#x200B; **Reminder: No Love** Im sorry, if there is still any doubt in you, but there is NO LOVE in a male/female relationship. It's the second BIG TRUTH in our society, right after there is no santa clause. I once had the purple pill thinking ""I keep frame and do most of the red pill things, but i think i found me a good one"". Later on, I came to find out I simply reached [deep conversion.](https://therationalmale.com/2016/11/11/deep-conversion/) &#x200B; **Room Competition** I have a rule, if I enter the room and I'm not the fittest, best looking man in the room, I leave quick. I make sure, im the Nr. 1 next time we barbecue, have dinner or do some of those other mostly boring married life meet ups. &#x200B; This lead to the richest guy I know wanted to be me. Wanting to spend time with me, but i refuse. I gave up on dropping any red pill knowledge. He even keeps telling my wife ""Look at your husband"" ""This is the man"" I dont respond to those non-sense praise (i just smile a little to not be completely anti-social), because I'm immune against criticism and I'm immune against praise. Can't have one without the other, so fuck both. &#x200B; **Sex** Sex is still underestimated. I make sure, that in a 50-mile radius, there is no one who's better in bed than me, other than maybe some porn star on drugs. In the past few years the wife went from being into me a decent amount into getting wet just by being close to me. (no I don't exaggerate) &#x200B; From my own experience, this is the most effective way to not come too quick and have your wife get to at least one and most of the time multiple orgasms. &#x200B; Start with Missionary (Count to \~30-60 seconds) > Doggy Style (count to \~30-60 seconds) >The Captain as long as you like. This is the base. At the end, I do whatever the fuck I want as a finisher. &#x200B; Important: •Keep your Jaw TIGHT! You cannot jizz with a tight jaw, so don't relax it. • Breath in for 4 seconds and breath out for 6 seconds. This will activate your parasympathetic nervous system. ([research here](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6037091/)). If your body is in a relaxed state, you can't jizz. &#x200B; There have been times in my early 20s were I jizzed so fast, i never got a call back from a potential plate back then. Now, I choose when I come. &#x200B; **Daily Routine** My perfect daily routine in no particular order. (I read in the book time warrior, that you shouldn't have a set time, since time is not linear. It helps me getting shit done when i stay on top of things.) I try to keep it as simple as possible because whenever I had too much stuff on my to do list and set times, I end up being frustrated for never hitting close to 100%. &#x200B; So this is the perfect day for me &#x200B; Wake up 4 AM. short Yoga Session & Meditation Read Prep Breakfast for Kids (I got a license as nutritionist, I prefere taking care of highly micronutrient food and not leave it to my wife feeding cereals, toast or whatever the fuck mums feed) Work out Work Spend time with kids Learn with the pomodoro technique(will be a life-long student of some sort, always some education or in the future language I will learn, as you proably already figured, english is not my first language) Spend time with the wife in the evening Go to sleep &#x200B; **Struggles** I went from depressed semi suicidal fuck to calm balanced and shredded Übermensch. &#x200B; However, I keep having struggles. Every now and then, I fall back into old habits. Even after almost 1 year no fap, I went back to porn for a short while, fucked up my diet, reinstalled old computer games, smoke weed and went on a dopamine binge. Too lazy to go out with the kids, like all the other fathers in the neighborhood. It's insane how disciplined you can live and fuck it up in no time. &#x200B; My estimate is I fuck up 2-3 times a year for 2-3 weeks and then get it back together. I fight on decreasing the fuck up times and at some point get them to zero. I'm sharing this so you know however good you think you are, old habits root deep, I fight them as well. &#x200B; Hope this helped some of the warriors out there fighting reality. &#x200B; Like Rodriguez said in my favorite documentary ""Searching for sugar man"" &#x200B; **""Nothing hits as hard as reality""**",,68,Ceerum-Tr,2019-07-24 12:04:50 marriedredpill,cgpvp5,"Own Your Shit Weekly - July 23, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,24,AutoModerator,2019-07-23 08:24:36 marriedredpill,cgk6a5,Vetting and the Golden Calf,"Twitter Bros out there including Rian and Hunter are having a little tiff over vetting. With the utmost respect - they are both wrong. What is vetting ? - using available data of someone's past and current behavior to predict future behavior. Makes perfect sense. People tend to do what they did in the past. Vetting seems like a great idea. Unless you make it the Golden Calf of future relationship potential. High N count , prior cheating, tattoos drugs- all great red flags. Low n count, good job, good family , long hair , cooking, great sex, submissive - what ever - great green flags. Maybe. Neither one predicts future behavior with you. Those guys on the side of vetting will tell you that you just have to vet well. You do. Just like you just have to be yourself. If yourself has frame and has his shit together. But all those who tell you to vet well - it's because they got lucky. They vetted for the right things for their given situation and have not experienced the stressors with that woman that would make that specific no longer be a good partner. Think of it this way - if you vetted when she was young - she literally didn't have enough miles on her for sufficient data. If you're vetting an older woman after your divorce - consider that all her prior negative and possitive behavior had context. A beta husband/ ltr , etc. Consider that all her positive behavior has context ( trying to sell you on a relationship with her ). It's all ego. "" I vetted well therefore I have a good relationship"". "" I vetted poorly therefore I picked a bad woman"" Bullshit. You did what you could do at the time. Use the information to guide you but understand that in the end of the day you're making a bet. Hedge the bet as much as possible. But since you don't know what life has in store for you - understand that hedging a bet is ALL you're doing. Your only power is to walk away if you bet badly. If you're here you fucked up once. So how about you start by vetting yourself.",,59,Taipanshimshon,2019-07-22 22:37:41 marriedredpill,cfiwgl,FYI - the MRP sidebar is now also on the wiki,"wiki link is https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/wiki/index. this should make it easier for those of you who are charitable enough to point newbies to the sidebar.",,45,[deleted],2019-07-20 06:52:04 marriedredpill,cfdsbp,The Wrong Girl,"Essay: [https://therationalmale.com/2019/07/19/the-wrong-girl/](https://therationalmale.com/2019/07/19/the-wrong-girl/) &#x200B; Excerpt: The ideology of *personal responsibility* is the Swiss army knife of subjectivist rationalization. “Extreme Ownership” is a lot like the “[***just be yourself***](https://therationalmale.com/2012/01/13/just-be-yourself/)” non-response people will give you when they don’t know what to tell you about your lack of Game. It sounds like wisdom, but it’s really based on the presumption of knowing a guy must *always* find fault in himself before any other consideration. Guys rarely struggle with overconfidence, but tell him the solution to his problems lies in him self-deprecating more and that he can get behind. In this subjectivism there are no outside variables. There is no intentional maliciousness from others, or extenuating circumstances, only how you react to them and what you did to bring them on yourself. All the blame for anyone’s bad condition rests on the shoulders of the individual: * Your life is fucked up? Your fault. * Your Game/relationships suck? Your fault for tolerating it. * You think women are one way – a way counter to the popular norm? You’re just meeting the ‘wrong kind of women’. Again, value judgements replace objectivity. If your life sucks it’s real easy to presume the individual is the cause of the suck. And any analysis (even the desire to objectively analyze) of other people’s will, motives or outside circumstance is always an *excuse*; a redirection away from owning the suck yourself. Maybe that person was the ‘*right*‘ one all along, you just were the *wrong* one for her? Self-doubt is a key element in subjectivism.",,47,Rollo-Tomassi,2019-07-19 21:55:22 marriedredpill,cdyno4,Lifting Primer: Your Shoulders,"This is going to be long and a primer only. It should get you started in looking at your lifts and start dialing things in. Lifting is at the core of what we do as men. I think it’s essential. Socrates said: > No man has the right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training. It is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable of. This is more dialog as there are a lot of men here that have experience, and each have developed a bit differently. There are a couple professional trainers that I am aware of so they may also weigh in. In my 20+ years of lifting I listened to a lot of people and refined my techniques. When I started there was none of this knowledge of mobility work, nor the idea of perfect form. Yet back then the idea of hitting 900+ pounds on a lift as unheard of. Despite my experience, for years I would reach the 450 range and then have to stop due to pain or injury. I thought maybe I just couldn’t do this sport. Then about 2 years ago I got tired of it. I decided to look for an expert. Within the first 6 months I was hitting near 500. A year later? Up past 650. Form, and proper development of the joint is an absolute must if you want big numbers. I had strength what I didn't have was a dialed in form, prop accessory muscle work. Gear does nothing for this. Supplements help but they won’t alone do it. You want big lifts or to continue without injury you need to learn some basic physiology and start applying it to your sport. The first area I want to discuss is your shoulders. Over time i may post something about squats and deadlifts (deads are my jam). I am reading a lot of shoulder injuries on the sub. Not surprising since 93% of shoulder injuries in powerlifting (which is what SL 5x5 is) last over 4 weeks and the shoulder is the most common. Tackling this head on is important. I myself am nursing an AC Joint separation, unrelated to lifting but it does have it’s effect. Shoulder injuries are mainly due to improper form and improper development. SL 5x5 is an excellent beginner program. It gets you strong pretty quick if you are religious about it and it will get you to where you want to be in order to branch out. Going the muscle head (ripped as fuck) route of the ironmonger route (power/strong man). What isn’t talked about is how to prepare your body for heavier weight or even the constant toll you are going to be putting on yourself. It takes its toll on your joints. Despite what the crowd says if you have been a fat body all your life just hitting the weights is not going to help you develop over time. You need to approach this methodically if you want to continue pain free. I’d argue that above 350 and you need to start supplements. Calcium, magnesium (this is leeched from you when you lift heavy), and zinc. In addition to all this you need to start strengthening the shoulder. you need to add accessory muscle work to your program. I know what the god of SL says, that doing these heavy lifts also improves this, BUT it only gets you so far. Here is my typical shoulder/Chest workout as an example: Exercise | Sets x Reps :--|:-- Chin up grip lat pulldowns | 4 x 12 Palms down, wide grip, chest supported row | 4 x 8 Inclined rear delt swings | 4 x 12 Standing OHP | 4 x 3 Floor Press | 4 x 3 Dips | 4 x Failure Hyperextensions| 4 x 20 Plate crunches | 4 x 20 Bench Press | 4 x 4 Inclined Press | 4 x 5 This changes on my second day of Chest/Shoulders by adding Exercise | Sets x Reps :--|:-- V Bar Lat Pulldowns | 4x 8 Palms up Chest Supported row | 4x15 TRX Y | 4xFailure With my AC joint issues I don’t bench too hard. The emphasis of this workout is to keep shoulder stability. I also have a good 20-30 minutes of mobility stuff my coach has me doing. This is designed to improve lat and pectoral strength to provide shoulder stability during heavy lifts. Weakness in these areas will most definitely impinge your improvements as you go higher and higher in weight. You can tell you have issues with these muscles groups by looking in a mirror. If you are shoulders are titled anteriorly or posteriorly (front and back for you non-smart people) then you have weak areas you need to address otherwise you will begin to experience shoulder pain at some point. Shoulders rotated forward are common for lifters. Which is why I wear a [shoulder retraction harness around the gym](https://selfsupplies.com/products/posturecorrector?variant=18251654922338&utm_medium=cpc&utm_source=google&utm_campaign=Google%20Shopping&utm_campaign=gs-2018-10-04&utm_source=google&utm_medium=smart_campaign). Let’s discuss your form. I could go into great detail here. Benching is probably a far more technical form then any of the other lifts, but I want to stay focused on shoulders. We all assume we know how to bench. Men have been doing for decades. Well again if you want to go higher without pain then you have to give proper consideration to form. The scapula must be retracted when benching. Achieve this by squeezing them together as if you are trying to get them to touch. Doing this gives the shoulder stability. When they are not retracted, your entire shoulder is not securely stabilized by the bench. This means that the shoulder joint is solely responsible for the support of the bar load. You don’t feel this at the typical 225-315 but go higher and it’s little wonder why there is pain. Your joints just can’t support all that weight alone. You need to assess your shoulder mobility and it’s complete range of motion. You must be able to rotate the shoulder in its complete range of motion without pain. If you are tight, lack flexibility, and are just in general stiff then you have issues you need to work out. There is a difference between flexibility and mobility. Both are important to work on. I have always said I can tell someone who has lifted. There is an appearance about them. Most of it is from having these tight areas, and lack of flexible joints. With shoulders most lifters are rotated in some way, forwards or back. Here are some good resources to check out. [Lifting with AC joint Pain](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MWP6vE9NRgU) [Good Shoulder Warm Up Routine](https://www.t-nation.com/training/a-strongmans-guide-to-shoulder-health) [Bench Press Technique](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zw6qCAFsV0w) Like I said this is a primer. You need to do your own research and understand the details of what you are doing. I have always believed that how a man approaches lifting is how he approaches life. Have to take care of the little things before you can do the big things.",,57,ReddJive,2019-07-16 15:37:17 marriedredpill,cdua0z,"Own Your Shit Weekly - July 16, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,16,AutoModerator,2019-07-16 08:24:34 marriedredpill,cdca0q,Power Phrases and Brevity,"I've heard it said a million times, and even here on MRP it's taken as gospel: actions are more powerful than words. It's true. That's why us newer guys are told to lift heavy, read the recommended stuff, and **SHUT THE FUCK UP**. As with all advice, however, one also has to know when is the time to move beyond the basics. That's where I find myself in my redpill journey: eight months in and I've finally got a second decent thought to contribute. Here's a link to my previous MRP post from five months ago for you lazy fuckers: [https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/aol8ro/reasonable\_requests\_versus\_testing\_false\_positives/](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/aol8ro/reasonable_requests_versus_testing_false_positives/) A few months ago, my father-in-law called me up after I walked out during one of the wife's full on tirades. I didn't say a word to her, I just left. I went to work the next day having not spoken to her and I got his call that afternoon. The wife thought I was gone for good, and to be honest I was on the fence about returning. Father-in-law reminded me that the most important thing was our two year old daughter (obviously) and that growing up in a broken home isn't best for her (also, obviously). I told him that neither was her growing up in a marriage where I am treated poorly and I keep coming back for more. I said that if the wife wasn't going to move beyond things from the past then it doesn't matter what I do. He said, ""*then come what may*."" I thought about those words for a long time. I had been projecting my frame just fine in that situation, but my outcome independence was nowhere near the level it should have been. Here is a fucking Army Ranger preaching outcome independence even if it means his little girl is going to be a divorced single mother. I've never respected that man more than I did in that moment. It was definitely a gut check. There's a difference between formulating a plan and being an anxious little bitch, and I was the latter. I was so preoccupied with how things might go down in a divorce that I was rudderless. Not recommended. I returned, handled the situation well, and over the past few months things got better between the wife and I. Sex quality and frequency slowly improved, and she began stepping into my frame. Once just after sex my wife said, ""*I feel like I'm on probation and that you're just waiting for me to fuck up so you can leave me*."" I kissed her on the forehead and simply told her I loved her, and the next day we spent a wonderful day together as a family. Dread is a hell of a drug. I've stopped pandering to her insecurities, but I never forgot those words - *then come what may* \- and the true lesson of outcome independence. Sometimes my wife still gets paranoid that I might react poorly and act like a beta bitch. She'll say, ""*I thought you were going to be mad at me*."" I'll just smile and wag my finger at her. ""*Bad wifey*."" Then she's shaking her head and smiling at me. I'm still not great about complimenting her when she does a good job and I need to improve at seduction, but at least she is stepping into my frame. The point is that without true outcome independence and a strong frame for your wife to step into, there's no way you're ready to start leading her to a better marriage or connecting with her. I was silent, dismissive, and indifferent to the point where she was still paranoid about the past creeping back up. I needed to start filling that void with my frame. Which leads me back to my original point; ***you have to know when it's time to start saying something***. If you don't have something truly meaningful to say, then by all means **SHUT THE FUCK UP**. Once you've gained outcome independence and your wife is beginning to enter your frame, however, you can begin to lead her (and your kids) by using your words to broadcast your actions. You absolutely have to follow through on what you say. **How to Not Fuck This Up: Power Phrases and Brevity.** More than likely you're not ready to start talking. However, if you are going to start moving beyond **SHUTTING THE FUCK UP** then let me put a couple of choice phrases in your toolbox. Many of these were suggested by other MRP veterans, but I don't have the time to hunt down sources so just assume that I stole this shit. The most important part is to say very little. * Saying ""***I got this***"" before you take control of a situation builds a lot of stock in those words so you can use them later to assert your leadership. * Saying ""***It's going to be okay***"" consistently during comfort tests is an easy way to turn your wife into Pavlov's dog, except it's going to be her pussy that's wet. * Saying ""***I understand why you feel that way***"" when she's upset maintains your control. Your wife is even more tired of your defending and explaining yourself than you are; she just wants to feel heard and understood. In all of those situations you should ask yourself, ""what's the most powerful thing I can say right now."" If you don't have a solid answer then shut the fuck up. Once you're ready, having a few go-to power phrases can make a big difference.",,110,part_wolf,2019-07-15 03:22:42 marriedredpill,cdaosu,How did you approach your wife?,"Hello MRP, Here I am, sitting at a rooftop bar next to 3 girls focused on their instagram accounts. I'm not getting any IOIs, I'm bitter and discouraged. I've done a lot to improve myself, and when I do approach it just doesn't happen. Striking out and I just dont get it. I just don't see why it has to be this way. I'm ready to get married and my dad met my mom years younger than me with no game. I'd like this topic to be a place for men to share the approaches that led to their current marriage partner. What year was it, how did you approach? What made the difference with being seen as the right man in their eyes? Thank you for your time.",,18,[deleted],2019-07-15 00:46:27 marriedredpill,ccda72,[FR] Update- on main events and how far I have yet to go,"Warning as usual -long ass journal style post ahead. Read it or not. Your call. I think info is important or I would not have included it. &nbsp; This is in part an update to this post: https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/bxih8t/fr_losing_my_religion/ &nbsp; As well as a FR on what I believe to be my main event and an open solicitation of advice, calling me a faggot, whatever the hell you want. Let me have it guys. Time to knock the dust off and grow. &nbsp; Figured out my religion was bullshit, wife still very religious- she threatened divorce - I immediately lawyered up and began gathering info (stay plan is now same as go plan) but took no action to initiate divorce... just notes. &nbsp; She found out I talked to atty, had a meltdown, and now tries to re-frame me as the bad guy who is threatening divorce. Don't give a fuck, just STFU and execute. &nbsp; Phase 1: once she calmed down and realized I wasn’t fucking around with her divorce threats anymore, she became submissive, fun, sexual. We’ve had sex nearly every day for a couple of weeks. Not overly passionate hysterical bonding panic sex but the dread was up and she seemed to respect me and desire me more. &nbsp; As time went on frequency stayed high but quality slid closer and closer to just above starfish. &nbsp; The church still pisses me off. Big anger phase that I’m trying to overcome. I'm working my way out and will tell you about it in detail if you want to know. For now, just know that I am leaving. &nbsp; Fuck I once again see the need to STFU. I lose frame when I discuss my problems with the church with her because she feels so strongly about it and I get angry when she won’t look at it logically. Bringing up the church in any way is a surefire way to dry sex up for a day or more. &nbsp; My inner validation whore wants her to realize I am not crazy but she’s going to just have to think what she likes while I lead us to freedom by example. A second 1000 foot rope to pull taut. &nbsp; I’m so glad I have redpill. Porting the same tactics over from relationships/sex to this aspect seems to be the way to go. &nbsp; Phase 2: As time has progressed we've entered a new phase where she will be bitchy, try to start fights etc. She will want to critique every conversation I have with people: ""you shouldn't have said that"" her hypergamy and solipsism are in overdrive. &nbsp; Regardless of the fighting and general bitchiness, if I stay cocky- funny, STFU etc, she still fucks me. (you mean this redpill shit works? who knew?) &nbsp; I also realize that I suck at comfort tests. Maybe it's the fact that with my increased TRT protocol I am at numbers approaching 8-900, or that I am just an autistic angry Rambo fuck, but I just tend to treat everything as a shit test (her comfort tests are shitty, so I have treated them as shit so far) &nbsp; She is feeling the dread and losing her shit on a regular basis. Two days ago she sits me down and asks if I have been 100% faithful. My responses: ""Why would you ask that?"" followed by ""If I decide to move on you'll be the first to know."" &nbsp; Then she asks if I have been looking at porn. (nope. porn is weak-ass shit for betas) answer laughing: ""no, why?"" &nbsp; Now porn is a doubly big thing in the Mormon church. They are fucking obsessed with it. Mormon wives are taught that porn use is cheating and women are taught that bikinis and even bare shoulders can be considered porn. I shit you not. &nbsp; They recently released 70 anti-porn videos in one day. They have support groups for the men who are ""addicted"" to porn (because no woman has ever looked at porn) and support groups for their frigid wives to bitch about their husbands who are addicted to porn. They create all sorts of shame which feed the beta male cycle. Gotta keep people sick so they stay in the hospital. &nbsp; She then pulls up my instagram account where I have exactly zero posts, 3 followers including her, and follow about 20 gun companies and 3-4 weightlifting tips accounts. &nbsp; Among all those is some gal in another state who posts pictures of kickass guns but also is *gasp* wearing a low cut top and even has some BIKINI PICTURES on her instagram. I honestly don't even recall following her and would laughingly own it if I did. It's a fucking nothing burger. &nbsp; She gets one straight courtesy answer of No and then its right to asshole mode as she won't fucking let it go. ""She's pretty hot babe, do you think she would let me shoot her suppressed m4?"" &nbsp; Cue snot and tears. I hug her but STFU. &nbsp; Next morning I am trying to leave and she pulls me down onto the bed and makes me late for work. The whole time we are fucking she can't stop talking about how much she would like to watch me with another girl. (standard DEVI threesome fantasy that gets her going) &nbsp; Outside the bedroom though its back to the shit tests about this girl and bitchiness. Shit test after shit test about this person I've never met over the last couple of days. She can't take the joke when I fire back a witty remark every time. Gets pissed. Cries. Not my problem. &nbsp; Her hamster is in overdrive. She wants total access to my phone and location. She wants to read all my fucking texts and deconstruct everything I say to other people and tell me what is and isn't appropriate. She rants that she is a prisoner because I haven't let her run the finances for the last 2 years and I have my own account. (she fucked up the finances for 17 years and I make the household money, her money from her job is hers to spend. Deal with it) Telling me she will never have sex with me (ignore what she says and just keep initiating and fucking her when I want to fuck) &nbsp; She told me yesterday that she feels like she is showing up to work every day not knowing if she has a job or not... (good. dread is working) &nbsp; I'm reasonably sure this is a multi-day main event. &nbsp; Yesterday we were working in the yard and after some initial shit tests she became a bit reasonable and we started having a good conversation until a neighbor walked over and I talked to him. As he walked away within earshot she starts tearing apart my conversation and telling me what I should and shouldn't have said. &nbsp; It's getting dark anyway so I let her rant while I STFU and pick up the tools and head in without saying a word. She can't let it go and follows me around the house trying to start shit. I calmly inform her that I'm not going to have my conversations Monday morning quarterbacked. &nbsp; She can't let it go. Alternating between yelling and crying and the same old tropes about how bad I treat her and the instagram chick and how she is a prisoner. Fuck if these are comfort tests she ain't gonna get any comfort from me by being a bitch. &nbsp; I hop in the shower and she keeps opening the shower door. I am trying not to lose it and playfully splash water on her a few times until she follows me into the shower fully clothed. Still yelling. &nbsp; Now I have a weakness. She knows it too. Not only that, she actively uses it against me. I suppose i should thank her for making me stronger. I've had it since childhood and I probably need therapy. I can't stand being cornered. It's like claustrophobia but only with people cornering me and straight fight or flight response. &nbsp; So here I am naked, cornered and wanting nothing more than to go berserker and kill every living thing I can touch. I finally raise my voice and tell her to FUCK OFF. She can't stand profanity. I'm not *allowed* to use it around her and especially at her but she needs the verbal punch in the face. &nbsp; I get out and dry off and just try to STFU the rest of the night. &nbsp; Again, pre-redpill a curse word would have put me in the penalty box for a few days at least. &nbsp; Nope. Last night she fucked me good, came hard and I pushed some boundaries/took what I wanted. &nbsp; It's making my head spin to see it all in action. &nbsp; If I analyze it I think where I miss the mark is I'm still a drunk captain when it comes to overall vision. She has asked what I want a couple of times and I am so fucking autistic/ blue pill conditioned I can't articulate what I want her to be without worrying about how I sound. I still give too many fucks. I want to be ready to lay out a vision for our relationship and what she should be to me once we hit the snot bubbles and reconciliation here. Any pro tips on how to explain to her once she starts communicating overtly exactly how you expect her to be and act? &nbsp; I need to work on that.",,41,alphasixfour,2019-07-12 16:44:23 marriedredpill,cc3m0j,Getting Ass To Grass,"The last few weeks have been rough. Sleep has been difficult. My legs, hips throb. I feel like a newbie again. Last fall in a BJJ tournament I suffered a Stage 2 Separation of my shoulder. By luck I was on steroids for another illness so inflammation was knocked out immediately (affirming my belief that inflammation is probably the root cause of many illnesses and issues). So my coach/trainer set a plan to improve shoulder strength while I abstained from Bench pressing. Which was and is now the only lift that causes pain. Flash forward to about a month ago. I was benching a token 225. Feeling good so we add some weight. 315. Instant pain. I am freaked, I’ve got meets this summer! I waste no time in getting into a doc. Xrays, MRI, Ortho within a week. Confirmed. I have an AC Joint widening with bone impingement. Ok could have been worse. The ortho is sports focused. He isn’t telling me to stop lifting and he isn’t diving right into surgery. we develop a plan. So 3 weeks ago coach breaks the news to me. I can’t do full power events until my shoulder is healed but there are plenty of deadlift and squat only events. If I can make the cut then I go do full power and just do a token 135 bench, make points up on squat and deadlift. Yet that means my squats and deadlifts have to be on point. The organizations that do the squat/Deadlift only require deeper squats below parallel then I had been in before. OK, coach. Let’s do it. This means getting 4 more inches on my squat. We are talking ass to grass here. I was envisioning adding weight, dropping low, and just grunting it out. I wasn’t prepared for what was ahead. Instead of just doing a 4x8 squat with a set weight, I was now doing 3 differently types of squats on various protocols. First a regular one as deep as i can get. Then another at 50% weight with a 2 second hold at the bottom, the third same weight but sitting on a bench. Every leg day (twice a week) has been painful. I mean I am popping Advil at night so i can sleep painful. I am also pissed. My squats were up there and here I am now struggling on a 225, later 280, 300,.....this used to be warm up weight. And yeah it doesn’t escape me that most don’t lift at this level. I just have to look to my right and see my coach warming up to do a 989 sumo deadlift. I get it. Still, this is what I judge myself by. I walk among giants. The gym I train at has a mobility coach. I have to start working with him. So I add him to the payroll. 30 minutes before every workout I am doing ridiculous exercises. Makes me look like I am a beginner. Thing is my coach is there too. He still competes. In fact all the serious guys are there. Doing all these little movements, talking, joking, preparing. We look like a bunch of fags at a boot camp workout. Meanwhile I’m drooling over the heavy weights, the atlas stones, you know? Real shit. I am anxious to get back at it. But no. I have to do these pussy ass lifts and what’s more they are wrecking my shit. It totally fucks with your head. An experienced lifter wants to get into the complex. He wants to lift the heavy shit, the real work, why the fuck am I rolling a little ball on the wall at arm’s length? Why a I doing duck walks? Monster walks? Why? Because I have to train the small muscles again. Meanwhile some skinny fuck is over there on my power rack (probably one of you unplugging guys). Sometimes you have to do the little shit to get the big movements. Sometimes you have to go back to the lab when something goes wrong even when you had it locked in. Life is not linear. When you settle for less then you deserve you get less than you settled for. If that means I go back to beginner lifts to make huge numbers, then I swallow my pride and make it happen. I want to see what my body can do. what it can achieve. Every man has that obligation. You have to do something cool in your life. It has nothing to do with her, your friends. It doesn’t matter what reasons she gave you for not fucking you. None of that matters. What, matters is what you are doing about it. Get your distance. Get your direction. Get your mission and pursue it like the unmerciful god you are. I got the 4 inches. My ass is hitting the floor at 350. Coach told me today... now we go nuts.",,51,ReddJive,2019-07-12 00:20:15 marriedredpill,cay1xx,"Own Your Shit Weekly - July 09, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,22,AutoModerator,2019-07-09 08:24:35 marriedredpill,c9t006,Quit Being Angry at Bob Vila,"I'll keep this short, though people with more time may want to expand upon this point. Sexual strategy praxeology as it currently exists is a set of written materials and heuristics (rules of thumb) born from the experiences of many men and loosely supported by evolutionary psychology/biology. It's called ""The Red Pill"" but that term has been bastardized by ""muh truth"" and ""muh men's rights"" to render it confusing and almost meaningless to people new to the concept. So now men who have put in the work to improve their sex lives have become salty because of this evolving dynamic. They climbed a mountain of shit with few handholds to remake themselves and had very little to go by beyond source materials and ""trading notes."" It is the problem of early adoption and pioneering. Vacuums in efficiency and knowledge beg to be filled, and some have looked upon the boy/girl landscape and have discovered a couple of things. First, men are fucking lazy pussies. Second, men want a problem solved as quickly and efficiently as possible, and if it can be afforded, price is no object. Tools can be used to build elaborate gazebos or soapboxes. Since some men would rather others wield the hammer, in steps Bob Vila. The moment Bob arrives on the scene, the guy who has already put half of a deck on his house or framed an incomplete barn immediately gets incredulous and says ""look at this fucking guy with the fake belt and ironed jeans."" What's worse, Bob is using his personal experience in the construction industry to instruct new builders who have zero experience with tools. Bob provides written and video content, mostly free, some for a low cost. If a man has enough money and desperation, Bob will teach you to use the tools, set up a building plan, and hold you accountable for your project with a community of builders, for a cost that makes laziness sting. This guidance from Bob elicits various responses: ""Respect the hustle."" ""Masculinity must not be monetized."" ""Bob is a natural builder."" ""Fuck this guy, he learned from us."" ""Shows what you know, you should use a Phillips head screwdriver in that situation."" ""You are taking advantage of men who are not ready to handle tools."" ""There are no tools, only pills, spoons, God and philosophy."" The anger of the successful and learning builder is misplaced. He's just pissed that someone is instructing others to do things he finds necessary, but unrewarding. His own unpaid labor (on himself and his ""projects"") is a source of pride and accomplishment, but he simultaneously wants others to experience his struggle too. Yes, you cut your teeth by reading all of the theory about building, learning about all of the materials, and experimenting with the tools to see how they are used to fabricate what you want and realize your vision of a finished project. Kudos to you for doing it the hard way. What does your past work have to do with Bob Vila? Jack shit. So as long as Bob isn't teaching guys to build half-assed, dangerous projects, it affects men already building and renovating in no significant way. Hell, you might learn something novel from Bob to improve your project.",,33,RuleZeroDAD,2019-07-06 12:20:38 marriedredpill,c9gafo,Knowing When To Take A Knee,"This has nothing to do with Colon Kaepernick &#x200B; Instead, I'd like to talk about knowing when to sit out of the Reindeer Games. &#x200B; As men, we have an innate desire to compete, to be in the mix, and to simply lead things. For myself yesterday highlighted this, around 4th of July I'm expected to lead the party, get crazy with Patriotic Fire Water, and ultimately be the guy making sure everyone else is at that same operating level. &#x200B; **This year I didn't**; this year I enjoyed the day with my family and let others go to town on Beer Pong, rocking out to the music, launching fireworks, and getting loud and crazy. &#x200B; I had nothing to prove, even though I was asked to join I didn't want to. I knew I had a *Morning Brew* to run the next day and it was hot as fuck, so I didn't want to have my body absorbing alcohol just so I could feel like shit today. &#x200B; You need to know, you don't have to be ""*that guy*"" at the party, even if it's the role you've filled for years. For those unable to expand on this yourself, what I'm saying applies beyond the realm of house parties; your job, family day to day living, your hobbies - there's a time to push to the brink and make sure you're leading the charge and there's a time to sit back and let others run the show while you take a knee. &#x200B; So long as you aren't pouting about it, this does not compromise your ability to lead and thus your wife will not be wondering what's wrong with you. Make sure you aren't forcing yourself to be ""that guy"" lest you burn out and become the guy who ""used to"" be able to hang. &#x200B; Intentional breaks and breakdowns are not the same. &#x200B; **PS:** Things have changed both layout and content wise, I look forward to getting involved with this group again. A lot of solid work is happening inside these walls.",,45,[deleted],2019-07-05 14:02:34 marriedredpill,c94age,[Re-post] Make your fucking choice. All the people who don't heed the message deserve to fail.,,https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/9mmiul/make_your_fucking_choice/,30,[deleted],2019-07-04 16:05:57 marriedredpill,c96swj,"""The Believers"" vs. The Empiricists","Essay [https://therationalmale.com/2019/07/04/the-believers-vs-the-empiricists/](https://therationalmale.com/2019/07/04/the-believers-vs-the-empiricists/) &#x200B; Excerpt I want to point out that a lot of what I’m seeing in the Manosphere at present is rooted in *factual relativists* attempting to establish what the “Red Pill” ought to mean to people, and thereby redefining it to suit their goals of couching any objective discussion in moralist terms. What’s happening is that *factual relativists* want the Red Pill to be about what’s right or wrong according to their ideological bent. So they will bend over backwards to reinterpret what is actually an objectivist exploration of intersexual dynamics to fit their ‘interpretive headspace’ – or they will simply write off the Red Pill wholesale and say “Those Red Pill guys are just bitter, negative, misogynists” without a hint of their own irony. Example: The realities of Hypergamy aren’t *right* or *wrong*, they simply are. In any of my numerous essays outlining Hypergamy, and for all my attempts to [***dispel the misconceptions***](https://therationalmale.com/2018/01/15/hypergamy-the-misconceptions/) about it, I’ve never once stated that Hypergamy was ‘*evil*‘ or that women’s nature is evil because of it. It’s simply a reproductive strategy that manifests per the realities of women’s nature and needs. The *factual relativists* responds to this in two ways: First, is the nihilistic approach (*Black Pill if you must*) – Hypergamy conflicts with their personal interests and ideological bent. Thus, Hypergamy, or women’s inability (or choice) to police it for their betterment, or humanity’s betterment are *evil*. Second, is the approbation approach – “You talk about Hypergamy too much (or at all), it must be because you’re fundamentally a bad, damaged, morally compromised person.” A debate never really occurs between these headspaces because the goals of the debate are never the same. Now, add to all this that *factual relativists* are appropriating the ‘red pill’ as their own “Brand of Me” and building revenue streams around their ideological interpretation of its original intent. Any counter argument proffered by *factual absolutists*is not only a challenge to their ego-investments, it’s also interpreted as an attack on their livelihoods.",,13,Rollo-Tomassi,2019-07-04 19:43:43 marriedredpill,c8fcw7,Reality Check Time,"Some of you faggots need a reality check. So here it is. First, I just got my DEXA scan completed, and cross compared that to a BIA scan I also completed the same day. I took the average of those two scans, since neither are 100% accurate. But there were pretty damn close. The scan highlights: I am 39y/o, 5'10"". My current weight it 227 pounds. My BF is 15.2%. I have a lean body mass of 192# and carry 35# of fat. 23# of that is carried in on my trunk. I have 120# of skeletal muscle mass, which is 150%. My Visceral Fat is at a 7, which is low. My estimated metabolic rate is 2560cals a day. I have a current combined Big-3 lift total of 1360, which is not my ATH, but I do sick amounts of volume when I lift. [Here](https://imgur.com/a/6nGWmjE) is what I looked like in 2016 when I was logging 1000's of miles a year swimming/biking/running. After I did my last Ironman I started lifting. Red hat is one year ago, black hat is present day. I am still bulking. I have been on a average dose of TRT of 90mg a week for the past 8 years, with periods of time with no TRT (due to no source and/or sick of pinning) to blasting on 500mg of a week of test. I consume in excess of 3000cals a day, but I don’t really keep track. Current stack (1 week in) is 200mg a week of test, 50mg of Winny ED, 20mg of Nova MWF and 12.5mg of AI Tues/Sat. Daily ancillas include 10mg of Cialis, 2g of Taurine, 1G of Pantothenic Acid, 100mg of Chelated Magnesium, 1g of Krill Oil and a Centrum Men's Multivitamin with breakfast. Currently on Winny I take 500mg of TUDCA for Liver Support. Previous stack was completed on May 10th and was 300Test/500Tren for 12 weeks. In previous cycles I have also ran other orals such as Winny, VAR, and injectables such as Masteron and NPP. I have ran 5 cycles since Jan 2017. Most were dirty bulks. I have been lifting for while now, most of that time has been not Natty. So, let this serve as a reference, not of what is the maximum possible - because I could be GLO and certainly run more gear, spend 6 days a week in the gym instead of 4, work harder, risk more injury and maybe see more results. But bottom line - for you mid 30 year old guys who are lifting, esp. natty - you have a TON of work ahead of you. This is a multi-year commitment you have to be willing to accept. Sure, you will get some beginner gains, and yeah if you do IF or Keto you might loose some weight. But in terms of moving serious iron? Give yourself some time and be patient with yourselves. Bottom line - what is your goal with lifting? It took me the better part of a year to really get into lifting and switching from cardio. I also kind of tweaked my back in 2018 working way to hard to a 6 plate DL and ego lifting and had to lift baby weight for the better part of 4 months. This was at the start of my divorce. Why did I lift? Cause I was sick of cardio. Then I lifted for stress, now I lift to be a fucking monster. I have been in a LTR with Mandy for about a year. The first two months I was still a man whore. At around 60 days I dropped to just Mandy and Shelly. About 7 months ago I went monogamous. She didn’t know about Shelly, and kept her head in the sand while I was spinning plates. I have no reason to suspect, nor really care if she was seeing other men for those first few months. TBH, she could be fucking someone else right now, and I wouldn’t care other than STD. I have no ties to this woman, so next is easy as block and ghost. I also have zero reason to suspect she is not 100% faithful. I slept with Mandy on our first date. I could tell from how she was in bed that it had been a very long time (if ever) that she had been properly fucked by a real man who knows how to fuck. She couldn’t suck dick to save her life, had a gag reflex that was uncontrollable. No anal, not even a thumb. When I went down on her the first time, she literally blew up all over my face in about a minute due to no oral for who knows how long. The first time I came all over her face, her reaction was priceless. In the better part of 7 months I have turned this woman into an absolute submissive slut who will do anything I want, at any time. I have trained her anally, orally, physically and mentally. She obeys commands with zero talk back when we flip into ""playtime."" About 3 months ago I was sick as a dog. Unannounced she came over my house after she got off work, made me soup, cleaned my kitchen, did my laundry and left at bedtime with her kids. So she does ""girl"" stuff to, which I do like. She is an absolute model of HSP's ""[Bitch Ladder](https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/3pltm2/humansockpuppets_guide_to_managing_your_bitches/)."" I have never been rejected for sex, nor received starfish sex. In 12 months we have had two arguments, and these were due to me giving zero fucks about ""manufactured drama."" Both times, she also consumed a good deal of Jack & Coke so there is that. In the first instance I simply left her house and ghosted her for 18 hours. The second time I went into my pool to chill. She came out 10 mins later naked and got in with me. Anyway, I suck at comfort tests, because I do not care, and I suck at manufactured drama. I have learned over the past year that Mandy has had in the approx. range of 20-30 sexual partners, all but 3 of them were in College. She has one baby daddy, and since her divorce 2 years ago she slept with one other man other than me. She had a 5 month long relationship post divorce, then was dry for 5 months, then met me. All of this has been trickle truth as I vet her, either when we are high/drunk and people tell the genuine truth. She is not fond of my sexual history and hates the fact I wont give her a number - other than more than 1, less than 1000 but - she would never admit it openly that she doesn’t really wanna know. Bottom line, I don’t GAF about who she slept with prior to me because I can tell based off her sexual performance when first dating, it was all boring vanilla sex. Many of you men have women who have beta orbiters. Guess, what? Mandy did to. When we first started dating she had at least 3-5 beta male orbiters that would DM her, like every single SM post, text her, call her, whatever. In less than a month, that number went to zero. In the beginning, I could tell her orbiters made her nervous, when we started dating. Not due to me mate guarding, but because I laughed at it and told her it was cute. I described to her (possible fight club rule break) exactly what they are, and that if she wanted that kind of attention, well for right now, I didn't care. But a LTR woman/wife who wants me - doesn't have a bunch of thirsty orbiters sliding into her DM's. Mandy has many male friends at work, as we all do and I have many female friends. But for you guys who have wives with legit beta orbiters - y'all have issues. I walked into my relationship with Mandy operating 100% in my frame. There has been no Alpha->Beta slide or any type of recovery needed. What I have been able to accomplish with her in 7 months of training her is nothing more than a testament to building my own slut. But, it also serves as a caution to your married guys with wives on 1000 foot ropes who think you have this awesome ""on the road to 100% recovery MAP and relationship"" shit going on. You fucking don’t. And you likely never will either. I went from Alpha->Beta (fucked up really) and the relationship was over. It was never going to get back to the baseline I had established in my ""head"" so I checked out. I didn’t have the patience for the 1000 foot rope, didn’t care about the marriage (esp. after she tried to take my kids away) and went full on Scorched Fucking Earth. Other than the duration of my D and the financial cost associated with it, the scorched earth approach has worked. I have weathered false DV claims, CPS inquires, etc. But I am still not a 100% free man, and that causes cyclical depression and anxiety for me in my life. I have scripts for both Trazadone and Ambien, and use them both to calm my nerves and sleep when necessary. Personally, I love the Ambien (10mg) and take it every night around 8:30pm when in bed. I wake up at 5:30am ready to kick some ass. Trazadone I will take 25mg when the Anxiety hits real bad, but it take the PRN only. Getting back to reality and expectations. As I look at this sub lately, I see a lot of men talking about their wives, the sex they get, what they lift, how they eat, when they take a shit and how many ply's of TP they have. Listen, I am in the - ""you are never going to get there camp"" after my personal experiences with my relationships. But I also didn’t care. What I am here to do, is tell you about what a possible relationship, under really good initial conditions can look like in about a year. But what you have to realize is that what I walked into with Mandy, is not the relationship I had with my wife, nor the relationship you have either. While I absolutely enjoy and even ""love"" my relationship with Mandy, I know that she 100% replaceable with 10 other women just like her. I have zero ties to her. No shared kids, no shared resources, nothing. We stay at each others houses often, but the bottom line is that where I live in Dallas - I am not moving out of until my kids are done with school because the schools are the best. And right now, cohabitation is not even something discussed. This literally gives me all the power in the relationship. Mandy knows she is 100% replaceable. The fact she has no real ties to me, adds unspeakable amounts of dread to her life. There are times where I feel sorry for her, and I know I fail a ton of comfort tests. Just recently she made the comment ""I know if we broke up, you would have 4 other women by the end of the week."" My response ""Easily"" was not the best, and I do need to work on showing a little more comfort at those times. Back on track, you need to understand that there is zero motivation from your wife to turn herself into a Mandy, unless you are willing to walk away. The levels of Dread are not enough. You have to, in your core believe and be willing to TAKE LESS THAN WHAT YOU THINK YOU ARE WORTH for the duration of your reboot phase in HOPES you will get something back. Good luck dealing with that mental anger and baggage. I sure as fuck couldn’t, and didn’t want to. For me, at 37 years old, with probably less days ahead of me than I would like……. I was unwilling to make that commitment and make those deposits into the bank. My balls are snipped. I have my kids. I have a finite amount of time on this rock, and once I took a pragmatic approach to it, I was done. The marriage was over. I started banging bitches and started working on my exit plan and putting it into motion. This post, is not to tell you, that I do not like women and/or relationships. I actually really enjoyed being married and I enjoy being in a mutually beneficial LTR with someone. But once I am divorced, I will never get married again. I will cohabit with someone likely, but no marriage. I already have my kids, cant have more, don’t want more, so the prospect of betting 50% or more of what resources I have left after this divorce, and what I will build in the future, are not worth it. Most of you guys need to chill the fuck out. You have a long, tough road ahead of you. What I see is a bunch of men who are either unwilling to put in the work to better themselves, put in the work to exit the relationship or just lack patience and ability to execute. If you cant commit to lifting, then you will never fix your shit. That is the #1 piece of advice for a reason, because it is so critical. Over three years of work. 18 months of divorce. 6 months of planning before that. One could say lifting gave me the resolve to do what I needed to do. You, sir faggot - you need to fucking decide what you want. Stop with the fucking mental debate and masturbation, stop with all of it. You either have the balls or you don’t. You either are willing to make those big, heavy deposits into the bank, or you are not. It is all on you. The simple question is… Are you willing to live below your possible means in your relationship in hopes of a sweet payout later? Or are you going to jump ship like me? Keep in mind, the relationship never defines the man.",,70,red-sfpplus,2019-07-02 21:31:29 marriedredpill,c87gt3,"""Do you like my dissected boobs?""","Imagine this. You're alone with this hot girl, her tight sweater suggesting a perfect rack underneath. You slide her sweater up to take a better look and find a pair of perky, bouncy tits. She looks at you seductively and says ""let me show you more"". She pulls out a scalpel and cuts off the nipple, pointing out the many nerve endings. She peels off the skin and goes through the layers of fat and muscle, explaining the anatomy. I'm a guy who likes to know how things work. Stars, enzymes, engines, I want to know how they do what they do, I love seeing their inner workings exposed and understanding them. But a pair of hot boobs, they're only hot when they're put together. A dissected cross section doesn't do shit for me, on the contrary. In the context of the girl in front of me, seeing their bloody inner workings is revolting. As a man, your frame is your biggest asset for attracting girls. The poise and calm, the easy dominance, it's like crack to them. When a girl shit tests you, that's like you pulling off a girl's sweater. She's doing it to get a better look at your frame. Flex your frame, pass the shit test. She'll like that. But some guys, they just can't help themselves. They think she challenges them because she wants to see the inner workings. So they pull out the scalpel and begin dissecting their frame: ""this is my vision for our marriage, I'm doing this to become a better man, I said X and you said Y but then did Z and that's unfair, yadda yadda"". Stop fucking doing that. It's all over the side bar - STFU, don't DEER, hold frame, pass shit tests, don't listen to your wife. There's a reason for that. She wants a cocky guy that's above her little games, not some beta chump she can pull around by demanding that he justify his actions. So don't do it. Don't take her shit test, her probing of your frame, as a request for you to explain your magnificient vision, great plans and deep understanding of relationship dynamics. Not only does she not give a shit, she's disgusted by it. Keep that image in your mind. You DEERing is like her dissecting her boobs. It's revolting.",,223,Sepean,2019-07-02 10:10:36 marriedredpill,c86of2,"Own Your Shit Weekly - July 02, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,13,AutoModerator,2019-07-02 08:24:45 marriedredpill,c67ykx,What A Successful Mind and Marriage Looks Like,"Hey all. Long time veteran deciding to come back to give you all some perspective. I see there's still a very large number of users here trying to ""get it"", and a small group of approved guys who actually do ""get it"" in the sense that they've got a model that works. But I wanted to give a perspective to old and new alike, who want to have more than an amorphous idea of what life at the end of the tunnel looks like coming from a marriage that actually works now, one that didn't end in a savage divorce, as well as offer a path to those more experienced who may be doing all the rights things and reaping all the right rewards, but who still has some internal conflict about themselves, life, and who they are. And just to be clear, this is a (long) post talking about living the experience. You're not going to learn anything new here related to MRP, but you'll be able to relate to the end game with a better understanding, which is important because no one really talks about it. The material you get here is all about getting from one place to the other. But nothing talks about living it. It's a silently accepted mental burden. And it's kind of why we all got here at MRP in the first place, because no one talked about actually living this stuff. &nbsp; Just for the reference, [here's](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/5l6un6/heres_your_example/) me 1/3 through my transformation, [here's](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/6jnlsk/leading_sex/) me 2/3 through my transformation, and [here's](https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/9cwinu/on_my_way/) where I left awhile ago to go put this stuff to the test, and really find what happened when I asked what I wanted of the world unconditionally. &nbsp; **What Happens When You Ask Unconditionally** &nbsp; Basically the universe has opened up to me both externally and internally in a way that I basically dreamed it would since I first started. There's this global understanding of others and myself, and our possibilities, and our limitations, that has made it so that I feel not only empowered, but can actually read the code in the matrix for what it is. There's a buzzphrase that used to go around here and that is that we shouldn't be worried about the why, MRP teaches the how. But I don't believe the why isn't important. You shouldn't just be looking for the instruction manual, the right ""moves"" you need to do in life to get to where you want to go. You should want to get to a point where you understand why all these tools work the way they do. In that way, you come to a better understanding of other people as well and how they are flawed, and how you are flawed, and why we end up like this. Don't just be a puppet, understand what's going on. &nbsp; And the reason I include ""our"" in that last paragraph is because of one key idea that, since the beginning of my journey in August of 2015, that I've kept asking myself through reading all the books and all the posts and all the experiences. And that idea is: &nbsp; What if the misunderstandings, the unguided, lethargic, ad-hoc approach that men are applying to their lives and failing with that seem to bring men in here to ask ""how do I unfuck my life and mental models"", what if that is not a men problem? &nbsp; What if the Disney fairytale isn't just believed by men? What if it is a HUMAN problem? What if the fact that people as a whole were left to grow from child into adult without any kind of guidance whatsoever except the mainstream strategies that the media bombards us with, and the strategies that we come up with are merely our best attempts to make life work with what we know? And this really doesn't go against much of the behavior Rollo talks about in a lot of his books. But I dare you to go back and read/listen through them again and at each example think to yourself...""do guys do this kind of thing too?"" &nbsp; **Women Have Been Lied To As Well** &nbsp; > I know. Because we all grew up watching Disney films where all a princess has to do is twirl a few times and bat her eyes at a guy and he gets it. (A butchered quote from a woman, on women's misunderstanding of how to flirt with men, found on reddit). &nbsp; Consider for a moment the analogy of the matrix. And how you were raised from a child to believe in Disney fairytales, happily ever after, and the undying love of a woman. And how after growing up and realizing that a lot of what you told was just some bullshit feel-good to help you stay in line and be kind to one another caused you to find some place like MRP to unplug you from the matrix, after which you saw that life really had different social dynamics than you originally thought. Now consider for a moment, would it REALLY be a stretch, for even the POSSIBILITY that MAYBE women too were also groomed with lies in such a way as to have a near completely flawed understanding of how relationships truly worked, and that their actions were merely efforts to live their lives in a way that tried to understand the truth between what they've been told, and what they're seeing in real life? Is it that much of a stretch, that women, too, are living in a type of matrix? &nbsp; Think about it. You never see (in a Disney sanctioned film) Bell getting her ass reamed out by Gaston. Or Cinderella swallowing a load from Prince Charming. These parts of a relationship aren't taught in the Disney fairytale. Literally the idea of hot fucks that she does in her college dorms and the guy she's going to live happily every after with are two different constructs in her mind. And not because of the hypergamous alpha and beta shit. It's because she never learned that they can be the SAME PERSON. So when you lead her to a new reality, where these ideas are broken, it's literally like unplugging her from her own matrix. &nbsp; And this doesnt mean there aren't differences between the sexes. There are. Chemically, biologically, socially. But the fact of the matter is, we are both flawed. And we both need fixing. And once you realize this, that what your wife is trying to do is simply maximize what she gets out of life given the limited available set of tools that she has in her mind, you see a very clear parallel between the person you were when you began this journey, and the person she is before she starts trying to catch up. &nbsp; You also realize that in order to catch up, it doesn't simply require a falling in line. The end game, for me anyways, to ensure desire driven compliance instead of negotiated compliance, was to have a wife who also understood the dynamic that we BOTH work off of, who is also intelligent enough to see what's going on and how we both erred, and to change into the person she wants to be to make the dynamic work. &nbsp; **It Works...For Both of You** &nbsp; See, a lot of what I see in this place is still taking place from the perspective of ""I'm the prize, you just need to bring enough value to capture my attention"". And that in itself is full of conflict. AND MAKE NO MISTAKE, YOU NEED TO HAVE THIS MINDSET ON THE JOURNEY UNTIL SHE COMES ALONG. But her end drive shouldn't be one of ""I need to get enough value points to stay on his good side"" but ""I need to understand myself and him, to the point that we both work"". &nbsp; I don't want a relationship based on conflict. I don't want her to just fall in line. I want a relationship based on mutual understanding. I want her to understand why we were flawed, and develop herself how she needs to to make this work. In the end, I want to say that ""we're the prize"". And it's funny because now that I got to where I am, and she got to where she is, we do say that. Often. We tell each other ""we so work together"" when we understand each others buttons and how we operate. We say ""we are totally hot"" when we point out each others muscles and talk about the flabby men and women we see out in public. We say ""No one else is even trying"" when we talk about people with no lives. &nbsp; Anyone who remembers J10, he once wrote about the three levels of the relationship where in level 1 you're keeping score, level 2 she's keeping score, and level 3 she finally asks where the scoreboard is, and you tell her ""oh that dusty old thing, it's in the back"". Well level 4 is when she looks at you and says ""and that's where it should stay"". There's no questioning that the old ways of doing things were not the right way. She's not a passenger on the ship, she's helping to run it because she wants it to go to the same place. &nbsp; I cannot tell you how many times I've seen myself lead my wife into some new territory sexually, emotionally, in the way we talk to each other, in the way that we search out the joys of life, that right before I make that breakthrough with her, she lets out some acknowledgement of ""I'm sorry"" or ""I didn't know it could work this way"". In fact more times than not, the growth of our relationship has come NOT from me finally adopting some manly role (that I'm truly doing for myself) that finally clicks with her innate need for that kind of man, but from me leading her to ways of life, trains of thought, methods of communication that she just did not know existed. I'm literally, very slowly, unplugging her from her programmed matrix. And she's loving me for it. &nbsp; The kicker, and I come back to my phrase of ""A man doesnt desire complaince, a man desires desire"" is that actions due to ignorance are a better fit to the adjective of compliance, whereas actions driven by choice are a true measure of desire. When I unplug my wife from some small part of her matrix, when she sees both the way things operated in her matrix, and the way I showed her things can operate, and chooses to now operate in my frame, THAT is desire. &nbsp; What isn't desire, is if you raise yourself to a standard and do things truly for you, but that also click into her pre-programmed illusion that is her matrix. That really is just her complying with the reality that she's been forced to live in so far. Compliance, not desire. &nbsp; That said, we don't go into the future living in the post apocaliptic wasteland that is the unplugged matrix. I don't explain it to her down to the depths of taking her to the vats of harvested humans every time we interact. That level of explanation is just depressing. That's autistic. Instead, i show her just enough of how there's another way that i open the door. After she chooses to walk through it, to create an even more powerful bond, we then both step back into the matrix with the knowledge that we have now, and play with the previously imposed ideas as if they were a GAME. When I act macho and she giggles, it's not because I'm fitting her hypergamous model of acting macho and she's fitting my validation need for giggles, we both understand the roles we play and the meaning behind it on both levels, plugged and unplugged. &nbsp; And that's all I have to write about the successful marriage. And you might be thinking that our pie in the sky marriage is totally the place to be and easy to live with. It is. But at the same time, it isn't. The success of my life now comes with the knowledge of infinite potential, and infinite work. &nbsp; **I'm Flawed** &nbsp; You know the phrase ""It's all your fault?"" It's that, rephrased to ""You have the power to do whatever you want, like WHATEVER you want, if you are simply able to take on the work, risk, and negative baggage associated with that."" And I don't mean associated negative baggage that comes from other people's thoughts and opinions. But it's an understanding that anything we do, from lifting, to socializing, to internalizing, comes with some form of, with no other way to put it, shit that we have to deal with, and take on, in order to achieve it. You want to learn to X? Here's a list of baggage you'll need to carry. Can you carry it? &nbsp; And that's the shit I'm going to talk about in this second part. See the main purpose of this part of the post is to level with you, newer guy, and to relate with you, more experienced vet, about what getting what you want actual means both internally and externally. Because we often look at people that we think have 'made it' and get wrapped up in the social media bias that what we see on the outside IS everything that's going on. There's no negative, that guy just gets to reap the benefits of being totally jacked all the time. There's no negative, that guy can pickup any chick he wants with 100% success. There's no negative, that marriage is perfect. But that's not really what's going on. What's really going on is an unseen level of sacrifice and risk and personal strife the likes of which we just cannot fathom until we've walked in those shoes. &nbsp; But I'm going to give a warning, and this is my only warning, that when I open up to you, and when I relate to you, if you choose to use that as an EXCUSE to not achieve...then, it is all your fault. &nbsp; Why am I doing this? I'm doing this because I compare myself really closely to the personality of Owen from RSD, who has said he found himself to be lightly autistic growing up, but with an unnatural ability to just fucking grind in career, socially, in relationships, and whatever he set his mind to, to arrive at the success he has today. And Owen most related to me and meant something to me, and I connected with his internal struggle when he tells not of the conquests he's had, but when he shows the actual human mind behind those conquests. The one who, while he looks like a god on the outside, is still building, and following mental models on the inside that attempt to guide him to peace, happiness, and success continually. &nbsp; The relatable characteristics made him human. And the fact that I saw him as human, and also as a man with the ability he has, allowed me to relate and further push myself because there was no barrier of ""this guy's different"" anymore. He's like me, so I can be like him. And so I begin: &nbsp; **Looks:** I am god damn sexy. No, like really. Like fucking really. I have heard this through both guys, and girls directly, and heard through friends and my wife, that people will stop them and comment on it. I keep myself fit. I lift heavy and often. I run a lot. I trim and style and groom myself to a point where, when commenting on it online, people have said that behavior is well past obsessive compulsive and no one in their right mind would be able to duplicate it. I am absolutely aware of how good I look. I catch people, men and women, looking me over as I walk down the street. And I bask in the gloriousness of my success. When I run, and take my shirt off, I honestly believe it provides a standard that guys think ""wow I need to get in shape like that"" and women honk their horn and shout as they drive by. Yeah, it happens. &nbsp; **But I'm going to level with you:** I go through periods of body dysmorphia. I will look in the mirror and see right past my 6-8 pack and giant pecs and v shape and adonnis belt and see something I'm just not happy with. I keep myself below 10% bf and will totally believe one day that I'm set to be the best looking mf on the beach, and then stress the next day over an extra 100 calories I ate with dinner. Those calories you cannot even see, if they actually made it to any fat cell I have and if I didn't really underestimate what I burnt that day after working out, running 10 miles, and rock climbing. Chicks are thinking about how good I look? No way I tell myself. I just succeed because looks don't matter I tell myself. That girl that was giving me fuck-me eyes, a fluke I say. &nbsp; **Lesson:** I truly believe that what we find pleasure in in life is the journey and the change, and so when you're at sub 10% body fat and are everyone's 8/10 or above, that feeling is great some moments, but other times the glory of it fades. You're still heads and tales above everyone else, you know it, you're happy for it, but that happiness is not sustainable. It comes and goes. Men who are at this level will relate to both the good and bad that comes with this experience and understand that the act of being at the top entails all the positivity AND negativity that comes with being at the top, while those who are not at this level will simply look at good looking guys and say ""It shouldn't matter that you battle this feeling every now and then, you're gorgeous."" It's some shitty way of saying ""be grateful"". And part of that negativity is feeling that you're garbage, even though you know at the same time you're the prize. It's not a healthy thought. But it is part of me and is a thought. I accept it, and move on. &nbsp; **Socially:** I am the guy who's throwing an awesome party. Who's hanging with all the guests, men, women, and kids and having a blast. I'm the guy going around to everyone and talking, saying hi, making friends out of nowhere, and generally being open and outgoing. I'm the host that your wife will whisper to my wife ""I wish my husband threw events like this and gave that amount of effort."" I make it a point to always be more outgoing than what I see people doing in the normal world. When I walk up to a bar, into a room, or out with a group and I see people looking at their phones, into their drinks, or generally around the room I am the guy who says to himself ""I'm going to open you, just to share the social bliss I know you're suppressing."" &nbsp; **But I'm going to level with you:** I'm still fucking scared to approach people. If I haven't been social that day up to that point? I walk into a room of people and sometimes I say in my head ""Fuck, I don't want to do this."" Or ""Maybe I can just lay low."" Or ""Everyone's already made friends and I'll just fail anyway so why bother."" No scared doesn't mean I don't do it. It just means those negative emotions you get, that you base your excuses on like ""I feel afraid, and feeling afraid is bad, and I shouldn't do things that are bad, therefore I wont"" are bullshit, because we all have them. &nbsp; **Lesson:** Owen said it himself, you never lose that approach anxiety. You just look at yourself and believe that regardless of it, you'll succeed anyway. You succeed in spite of it. Not because it's gone. Not because you have control of it. But in spite of it. No one conquers their approach anxiety. We have it, and we approach anyway. So while I am the guy who will approach, that doesn't mean I'm not having any kind of negative feeling in my head. That doesn't mean I didn't have to talk myself into it to do it. But the key is that I do it anyway. I approach in spite of all that. And I don't seek to eliminate those bad feelings in myself. Instead I learn to accept them as normal emotions that are a part of me. They're supposed to happen. You're putting yourself at unnecessary social risk and anything could happen...of course you're going to feel some kind of pull not to and invent reasons you shouldn't. That's NORMAL. Those voices will ALWAYS be there telling you not to. This is why pros talk about warming up. It's a real thing they use to help them. Being a pro doesn't mean you've got your performance red-lined every second of every day. It means you know how to and can get yourself to that maximum performance when you want. &nbsp; **Value:** I spread value when and wherever I can. I'm big into raves and find it akin to the ""spread love"" vibe that people give off there. I enjoy making other people feel good. Bringing them out of their shell. Making them smile. Making them laugh. People look to me for value in love, guidance, self confidence, and willpower. And I give it because it means something to me to spread my value to the world. I don't expect anything from it, I give it freely. As men we are idealist, and I imagine a world where everyone casts off this self-imposed oppression and defensive nature that we're all holding onto and embraces the ability to spread love and value. Make no mistake I do not allow myself to be taken advantage of. There's certain boundaries you have to be aware of when you embark on a journey to spread love. And one of those important ones is to make sure your love, just like it is spread freely, is received freely as well. The closest state to emotional bliss you can have with someone is to come as close to that line of fully giving and them fully receiving without either taking advantage, keeping score, or letting that value diminish as a result of ego protection in anticipation of either of you straying from that balance. &nbsp; **But I'm going to level with you:** A lot of times in the world I perceive an imbalance between what I give and what I receive. And let's be clear that the very first book on the sidebar has already burned the idea of expected value out of me. So it's not expected value return, but i would say it's like idealized value return. Sometimes that imbalance gets to me. And sometimes the awareness that someone has ventured from free giving and receiving of love and morphed it into a tool for their own gain is severely hurtful. Sometimes I look at people in the world and wonder why we're all like this...why if it is possible to give and receive freely, if we all seem to choose over time to take more than we receive. Almost as if we all learn over time to withhold spreading value as a defensive measure to us all being burned at one point. If giving value is even worth it if everyone else is taking more on average. This takes you down some really dark places, ultimately ending in ideas of somehow everyone else seems to be ok with the exchange rate of value and you're just flawed, or sensitive. Or alternatively people come to the point that value exchange is so unfair that they take themselves out of the equation (think guy who sits at home playing video games his entire life, or old man grumpy and complaining about how the world hates him, or guy, literally, taking himself out of life) and their entire ability to give value has been corrupted fatally. And if that's the case I don't want to live in a world like that. &nbsp; **Lesson:** Giving is at the far end of the spectrum. And pure statistical odds say that if you give more than average, you will receive less than average in return. And by default, because everyone's so scared to act, and interact on a social level, then if you want to, you're going to have to be the one to put in the initial value. People will often say you have to expect 40% back for the 60% you give. But I believe this is just a pessimistic rule we have to tell ourselves in order to not allow our giving to be destroyed by an inevitable thought-chain of ""if this is the way it is, why bother?"" But in the same vein as any activity, where the struggle constantly seems harder than the rewards: Lifting, dressing well, eating right, etc...we know these are the things we need to do anyway. And somehow it is worth it. Even though you've put 500 hours into the gym, and all you get is a 2 second lookover by a passing chick or an honest compliment from a guy, that's worth it. I said I've been to raves where people give this free love. And to see the ability of people to be like that, even for a brief moment in time, restores my drive to want to be just like that. It's really a feeling that cannot even be put into words. Being at events like that is like seeing the full capacity of value giving in action. And I know it's unsustainable. It's also emotionally exhausting. It's kind of like the fact that you can't deadlift your 1RM 40 times in a single day. You do it once, you're done, drained, you need to recover. But I won't allow myself to not ever do it because it makes me vulnerable or because it's hard. I see the fact that sometimes I'll get bit or feel the imbalance, and I give anyway. &nbsp; **Ability:** I have found in my life, be it through luck, a divine power, or something else, that no matter what I try, I succeed in. In some way, even if that success is a morphing of both the goal and my overall perspective on what success is, I end up succeeding. I have the power to just grind. Just simply grind. And keep going knowing that anything I do I'm moving toward success. Lifting weights, running fast, making time with friends, keeping a positive outlook, making money, people look at me and ask ""How? How can you be successful at so many things?"" And it's just because when I set my mind to it, I achieve it. It happened with MRP too. I knew what I wanted, and I got there. &nbsp; **But I'm going to level with you:** It still feels like anything that I am not currently, that that is out of my reach. Becoming a landlord? Out of my reach. Starting my own business? Out of my reach. And it still feels like when I'm grinding on something, I think ""Why am I doing this? I'm a failure. This wont work."" I still have that shitty belied that other people have abilities that I don't through some kind of gift, as if they just *poof* got that power. &nbsp; **Lesson:** So I know in myself, that things that I thought were out of my reach before I've achieved. I've seen it. And I can see in myself now both the feelings that ""Well it seems like most/all things are within my reach if I simply do what is required"" AND ""There's no way I could do that"" at the same time. How can both thoughts exist at the same time? That I don't know. But what I do know is that they're both there, and one will hinder me, and one will drive me. I am flawed, both are there. I just need to have the willpower to pick. Just make that decision to go for it, and I've got it. &nbsp; **Peace:** Contentedness, happiness, acceptance, yin and yang, enlightenment, the combination of whatever name you want to call it. You know that internal struggle, that feeling that you're fighting a raw element of nature itself, like being in the ocean with some rough surf where you can barely keep your head above water? Where you don't feel like you have control? I don't have that anymore. Things just seem to make a lot more sense now. I don't have the 1000 yard stare. I'm not confused by what happens to me in life on the small or large scale. &nbsp; **But I want to level with you:** Because it's not like I feel this way all the time. I don't walk around with a permanent smile on my face. I don't sit here and not feel the anxiety of dealing with a lazy, unintelligent boss. I'm not in some zen state where no negative feeling ever gets in. From all I've written about my marriage above, sometimes we fight, and I question our compatibility. In the moment, I feel frustration, I feel worry, and fear, and anger just as much as I feel happiness and bliss and euphoria. When life strikes at me I do fall back on mental models I've constructed to hold me in place. And I understand that if those mental models fail then my mind will open the flood gates to the feeling of chaos that will consume me. &nbsp; **Lesson:** A lot of the time, in the now, I still feel the struggle and the emotions, but after the fact, I see how I almost NEED to feel those things in order to feel the peace and completeness that come afterward. In it's purest logical form, it's as if now I know, understand, and have come to peace with the fact that there is no path in life to that peace that doesn't include those feelings of conflict. So in the moment, I can be at peace knowing that I will feel negatives and I will feel positives, but if I know that the path I've chosen is one that will bring me where I want to go in life, I will arrive, look back to the past, and remember it all in a peaceful, understanding, bliss. I said before that I went and asked what I wanted of the world unconditionally...that means I ask without holding anything back on my part. And I learned that in order to truly be at peace, you have to be able to receive back unconditionally too, even if that means receiving negativity. &nbsp; And there are books out there that try and teach you to become present to the moment. Letting everything in, and not being defensive about it, and knowing that this is necessary for that peace. I stop by here often enough to see new and older users still being angry or frustrated at trying to progress. &nbsp; I believe that MRP, while on the surface having everything to do with Rule 0, is simply a vehicle for a greater understanding, which allows us to establish mental models which we simply did not have before. And in fact when you get it, you'll see that the very lessons learned here can be applied to many other aspects of your life as well. &nbsp; **Acceptance** &nbsp; I could go on. But ultimately the goal of this was to humanize the life of someone who doesn't feel like they're at a disadvantage in life anymore. So that when you see the athlete, or player, or successful marriage, that you don't have any disconnect in your head that makes you believe that this person isn't like you, isn't dealing with an internal struggle, and isn't making compromises but also grinding continually at the same time. &nbsp; And now I want to leave you with one more lesson. Because last time I left, I said to keep in mind that the combination of all the feats that you see guys doing here seem to morph into this superhuman male you have in your mind, who holds all the positive attributes and non of the negative ones. And holding yourself up against that idealism may make you constantly feel you arent good enough. But what I didn't say, through correlation, is that you also do the same thing with women too, and take all the positive attributes you see here, and morph them into a perfect wife as well. &nbsp; What you need to understand is that with the understanding that you, we, us, them, while striving to be the best person we can be, all deal with internal struggles and aren't superpowered, so is your wife. She is not your ideal. Your ideal may not even be out there. And for those who have wives that just aren't trying at all and who you see a runaway train heading for divorce this isn't for you. But for the guy who has a wife that seems to at least be trying. Who makes effort to come along...even if it's not at the pace you want...even if it's slightly off the destination you want. Understand she is trying. You know how you started off and you weren't entirely clear of the path yet...how you did some sloppy improvements, and messed up in some places, and needed guidance and time? Holy shit your wife will do that same thing when she tries to follow. &nbsp; Ultimately you will be the judge of where your ship is going and who comes along, but remember that just as you are working with what you have, with a full understanding of your limitations, she is as well. So she's not ideal. But she's growing and improving just like you. Can you live with that? There's no right or wrong answer here. And I did lie, I'm giving you another warning. Just like I said before if you use anything I've said as an excuse not to work on YOU, then it's all your fault...so too if you use any of what I've just said as an excuse for HER, then again it's all your fault. It's not an excuse. I'm not advocating for more slack that you're ultimately willing to give. &nbsp; But you still need to ask, can you live with that? I'm flawed. You're flawed. She's flawed. Come to terms with that. It took me three years to get to where I wanted to be. And my wife has really only been solidifying her improvement for maybe 1. But on more than one occasion, unprompted, she's already said looking back she's glad we're out of that rough spot, and that she's happier than she ever has been. And I agree.",,192,[deleted],2019-06-27 16:56:04 marriedredpill,c6ebay,"Paternity, Promiscuity & ""Poly""","Essay [https://therationalmale.com/2019/06/27/paternity-promiscuity-poly/](https://therationalmale.com/2019/06/27/paternity-promiscuity-poly/) &#x200B; Excerpt **“Poly” Lifestyles are being socially reinforced to facilitate women’s sexual strategies** Men’s drive for paternity is more difficult to sublimate in Alpha men than Beta men. In *Promiscuity* Tim Birkhead details the innate drives male animals have with respect to ensuring their own paternity: >*The issue of paternity is at the core of much of men’s behavior – and for good evolutionary reasons. In our primeval past men who invested in children which were not their own would, on average, have left fewer descendants than those who reared only their own genetic offspring. As a consequence men were, and continue to be, preoccupied with paternity and this has shaped not only many male behaviors but, perhaps surprisingly, some female behaviors as well. The most obvious way in which men’s preoccupation with paternity manifests itself is in jealousy – watching a partner and keeping her away from potential competitors.* *Promiscuity, Tim Birkhead pg. 33-34* In my counseling I have had to deal with the constant of jealousy in every man I’ve talked to about a breakup or divorce. *“Rollo, why can’t I get the thought of her fucking another guy out of my head? The thought makes me physically sick.”* There is a physical aspect to jealousy for men and particularly so for deeply pair-bonded Beta men whose sexual strategy it is to invest more fully into one partner due to a scarcity mentality (see [***strategic pluralism theory***](https://therationalmale.com/2018/12/10/the-new-polyandry/)*)*. When I talked about men committing suicide in [***Zeroed Out***](https://therationalmale.com/2017/12/11/zeroed-out/) I should’ve stressed the importance that mate guarding and jealousy play in a man’s physical condition when he’s had his ‘soulmate’ leave him for another man. There are two latent purposes in men evolving a capacity for this physical distress – fomenting parental investment and ensuring paternity via mate guarding. Why is it that men take so much longer to get over a woman than women for men? For women the *War Brides* theory explains this neatly, but for men the long physical disconnection comes from our innate drive to ensure paternity and the confirmation of mate loss to a rival male. This is the degree of preoccupation with paternity *Birkhead* describes above – it is so [***existentially***](https://therationalmale.com/2019/03/20/the-existential-fear-men/) important men evolved physical manifestation for it.",,26,Rollo-Tomassi,2019-06-28 02:09:17 marriedredpill,c5iq6o,Fuck... the body...,"This post is trite by my standards, but legit by the standards of the universe. My mother lies dying, my father sleeps, defeated, perhaps worse than death... Know this: Your body is your temple. Your temple is where you pray. Your prayer helps you endure. Your endurance makes you stronger. You strength helps you overcome. Overcoming adversity brings it all full circle. While it may seem trite, it is real. I always write what is real - trite or not. I have the body of a Greek God. Seriously. I've worked so, so hard for it. So, so hard for it. Nothing gives me more satisfaction, as long as I recognize that there's more to life than a body. When I was told ""you will not live"" I said ""I will live and reach the peak of life."" I did. When I was told ""you cannot beat this"" I said ""I will beat this and prevail."" And I did. When I was told ""you will not recover"" I said ""I will recover and reach even higher levels."" And I did. When I learned, through MRP - through Stoney and Steele, and Bogey, and BPP, and SK, and others - that I was winning only one war and losing another - I fortified my defenses - and moreso, I fortified my offenses - and I went on the attack. When I was a ""businessman"" who'd reached lofty heights, I became a ""laborer"" who would round out my life. When I was a ""thinker"" who thought high and mighty I reinforced that same ""laborer"" because I'd forgotten how important his contribution was. I posted last week that my mother is dying - hardcore like the revenant - my father is succumbing. I am here. I am making choices. I am enduring hell… after a special kind of hell I'd already endured… jesus, don't I get a break (?)… No, fucker, I don't… and nor do you.. and you better get your weak-ass used to it. They all turn to me. Why? Because they can. Because I am strong. Because I am solid. Because I will not waiver. Because life goes on... cruel and uncaring, sometimes, yes... but it's true... ... and I stand sturdy. ... and so should you. … … … You can be me. And be strong. Even if you don't know it. You can. Nothing in weeks has given me more personal satisfaction than coming home from the ICU, consoling my father, and flexing in the mirror. Gay, sure, I can see how'd you'd think that. ... But adjust your point of reference... and see what that means... and understand... and believe... ... What I see in the mirror is a facsimile of what I give back... ... They count on me to be the rock... ... I see the rock.... ... I am the rock.",,73,johneyapocalypse,2019-06-26 01:08:13 marriedredpill,c553t4,"Own Your Shit Weekly - June 25, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,19,AutoModerator,2019-06-25 08:24:45 marriedredpill,c3lm0f,InChargeMan's Story,"Per some comments and PM request I'm posting my ""story"". My goal was not to make this a TL;DR (I can see that didn't work out). Summary is: Was BP, did the monkey dance, wasn't happy, found MRP, fixed me, helped wife find her submissive nature, now live in a wonderful 24/7 D/s relationship and I've now gone a full 360 and do believe that the fairy tale relationship can exist, you just have to re-write the book. Feel free to ask questions. *Disclaimer 1:* I am no guru, these are my experiences, I am a sample size of 1, take value where you see it. I am not special, I make no assertion otherwise. *Disclaimer 2:* I'm open to any questions, but OPSEC will be observed. If I choose I might respond with particulars through PM to flaired members. *Disclaimer 3:* Some details have been changed for anonymity, but the core content is there. *Disclaimer 4:* I did not/do not do everything ""by the book"" regarding MRP. I don't know if I could have gotten here a different way, but I'm very happy with where I am now and where I am headed. Keep in mind, a man's journey is never complete, each new day is the first day of the rest of your life... **Starting point - Typical life/career progression:** I followed society's step-by-step guide for success. I was naturally smart, somewhat lazy in HS but also very competitive when I cared, middle of the pack for popularity, above average athletically but didn't pursue athletics beyond HS and for personal enjoyment, had little/no game, had little direction from my father on women/dating. Met my wife-to-be early on in college, fell in love, stayed together for a long time, got married, had kids. Went to college for a hard degree in the sciences (found my motivation, kicked ass), worked really hard, went to grad school, worked really hard, supported my wife to pursue her career goals for years, worked really hard to support the family, worried endlessly about being the only source of income while wife pursued her goals and we have kids, ran my business all this time, stuck it out through very hard times, built it into something very successful, in my industry I am known. I am mid 30's, married, 3 kids, nice house, wife and I have respectable careers, nothing special. I have more money than most, lots of people have a lot more, so what, money really doesn't buy happiness once you get past the point where you are living paycheck to paycheck. **Relationship progression:** Never got to deadbedroom, never got to harpy cunt, really most guys would have been in my shoes and been ""happy"". My wife is a naturally good person, very beautiful (side note: I know everybody has wife goggles, but as a stupid test the other day in a busy public area I wanted to see how many random women within a +5 - 15 year age range I would consider equally or more attractive than my wife, I got to 100 and stopped counting, although I live in USA, so that might not be saying much...), very smart, thin, healthy, weighs about the same that she did in college, good mom, etc. At first everything was peachy. We dated for a long time before being engaged and eventually married, waited a few years then had started having kids. We have great kids. **Act 1: Something seemed off.** Before the wedding there were occasionally (I now know) shit tests. I didn't understand, I failed. At my wedding my Dad advised me ""happy wife, happy life"". Thanks Dad. Occasionally (once every couple of months) my wife would flip out about bullshit, I would DEER like a pussy, eventually things would calm down, but in the back of my mind I was always hyper aware of her emotional estate, wondering when the next egg shell might be stepped on. Sex never dried up, but it just wasn't a priority, and was only occasionally ""hot"". I tried negotiating desire, which was super effective. Unrelated to sex, sometimes I would just be plain confused, ""I thought we were on the same team, why did you do/say that?"" Eventually I found myself feeling more and more stressed, particularly when she was around or if I knew she would be soon. Then I started hearing voices. Not in an insane way, but in the way where I could hear what my wife would say if she were present, in my head, all the fucking time. She was a huge fan of declaring into the ether that something needs to get done, then complaining later that this thing didn't get done, even if it was some bullshit that didn't really need to get done. She might say ""we"", but she meant ""you"". For example, viewing media: I couldn't watch a goddamn movie in peace, it was like I was personally responsible for everything that ever happened in the world. ""I don't know why they chose to have that actress dress that way and run in slow-mo, I didn't make the fucking movie, maybe call the director to complain, can I just relax and watch a movie please?"" Sigh... A typical night where she was away at work I would sit in peace, enjoy the silence, watch a movie, then delete the viewing history to avoid having to justify my actions. A grown fucking adult who is very much in charge outside the home constantly in a state of stress about what his wife might think. That was my life. **Act 2: Remember when Neo saw the cat and had Deja Vu?** I started to sense the presence of the matrix. I looked around at all of the other examples of relationships I saw with people I interacted with frequently. I observed how ""men"" spoke when they were not around their wives, I observed how the women spoke. Nobody was happy, everybody was delusional, and in many cases it seemed like everybody was trying to find a way to deaden the pain. The men were binge drinking, obsessing about TV sportsball and hiding in ""man caves"". The women were having ladies nights, complaining, trying to out-do the other moms at the PTA bake-off, and putting ALL of their energy into their kids, not into their husband. Shit, I did what they said, I'm highly educated, I work crazy hard, I have good money, nice house, nice neighborhood, I try so hard to make everybody happy, I do more than my fair share around the house and with the kids, I'm in decent physical shape, why am I not happy? Then there was the fight that broke the camel's back. The stupidest, gayest, you couldn't make this shit up kind of fight. What the actual fuck is going on here? (feel free to PM if you can stomach just how gay, too specific for OPSEC) Then I stumbled into TRP somehow, I don't remember why, probably one of the typical ""Why doesn't she"" google searches. It was interesting, but I'm not trying to bang randos, then I found MRP. It all clicked, in a fucking hurry too. I had the anger phase for sure. I lost attraction to my wife for a while too. It was like a mask had just been taken off. I thought I married this thing, but I got something else, I don't know who you are, that isn't who I love... After enough reading, studying, learning, I started to get really into the psychology and behavioral side of things, then I got to the point where I realized that she is not to be blamed, she is a victim of her biology, her upbringing, and society. I didn't lose something, I never had it. We both got what we wanted, just not what we needed. I was ready to change that. The biggest point though, is that my goal was NEVER to change her, it was to fix me. **Act 3: Tractor pull, not 3D Chess** So many guys are trying to use TRP to outwit, outplay, outlast (thanks survivor) their wife. I am lucky to have not fallen into that trap, thanks for the heads up MRP! I have one life to live, I am not going to spend another minute worried about what some other person thinks, period. With that being said, I never stopped loving my wife, and honestly she never did anything wrong, she did what her programming told her to do. She really is a genuinely great person, she was just dancing to the wrong beat just like the rest of us. My plan was to fix me and while I'm at it see if I can help get my first mate on board, but that was always a secondary target. I was careful not to go rambo, but at the same time I had the mentality that I'm not getting any younger, and now that I can see the truth, I can't live a lie pussy-footing around, to me that is living in her frame still. During the process I learned about D/s relationships and it immediately clicked. This is what I need in my life. When I am away from the home I expect to be constantly under attack. When I get home I want zero conflict (not necessarily zero stress, there is a difference.) Why do some guys love fixing up old cars, or even changing their own oil for that matter? It for sure isn't less stress, that can be a lot of work, I believe it is the sense of contentment that comes from knowing that you have shaped this thing in your image, you are fully responsible for it, but you know that it will serve you well if you care for it. That is when I started really focusing on the concepts of needs and wants. IMO this is one of the most important things you need to understand. I plan on making a post soon specifically, but the point is that until you really understand yourself you cannot shape the world around you. I constantly maintain a list of needs and wants in my head. That list can absolutely change over time, but you must never waiver once you have determined what non-negotiable things you NEED in this life. For me, on the early days, the list of what I needed was short. **I needed respect, peacefulness at home, and good enthusiastic and frequent sex.** I had been with my wife for 15+ years at this point. I planned for up to one year grace period, then after that if my needs were not being met, well, that wasn't an option, I decided that my needs will be met within 12 months of that day. I repeat, I decided that my needs would be met, period, no more, no less. I was hoping that would include my wife in my life, but that was on the want list. From that point to the mini-main event it was somewhat routine, you could do an MRP montage. Bringing us closer to D-day. There had been a number of push-back events, I was ready, every fucking time, I was ready. I had been learning, studying, thinking about this shit for 6+ months and she thinks she is going to put me back her her frame about something stupid, LOL, fat chance, this train only goes one direction now m'lady. I had my needs and wants down solid, and once you have that, it is like a goddamn cheat code for life. ""Oh, you want me to __________, well, let me check my list.....nope, it doesn't help me with either my wants or needs list, so, you're going to have to draw a card and roll again."" Sure, I was accused of being selfish, immature, insensitive, compared to a rapist (for real, you can't even make this shit up), but my resolve was relentless. I had spent most of my life experiencing the discomfort that comes from hard work, I can eat hard work for breakfast. From a relationship standpoint, I was steel. Now, is this Rambo? I don't think so. I didn't do shit to provoke her, I didn't argue, act immature, walk out of the house and disappear for 3 hours, threaten my wife about how I can get someone else, and I didn't tell her how to behave, at all. But, once I had my plan, once I knew the man I wanted to be, I flipped a switch. I was now version 2.0. I wasn't going to do the frog in boiling water thing. One day my wife discovered that she was now legally married to a different man. I was going to give her lots of room to get to know him, but there was going to be no slow introductions, he was here and this is his life to live. Every person who is allowed into my inner circle is in my frame, in my box, period. She checked every nook and cranny of that box, trying to find a weak spot, but there were none. Once the banging stopped, once she had accepted that my reality is the only reality relevant to me, I knew it was time for D-Day. **Act 4: Grand finale** I knew I wanted a D/s relationship, whether or not it had that label didn't mean shit to me. If I'm checking my needs and wants list then I am good, period. If a want isn't met, no biggie, I'll think about ways to get that met, but it is ok if I never get there. Needs are met, period. Eventually things had gotten to the point where sex was hotter than ever (but not good, I'll explain in a bit), I was saying NO left and right, I was saying YES left and right, I was not asking for her opinion unless I NEEDED it, and I was establishing and defending boundaries, and I learned to think a lot about her needs, while giving zero fucks about her wants if they violate anything on my list. She was stressed, she felt the shift, she felt the dread, she didn't know where she stood with me, and by extension in the world. I knew her needs, even if she didn't. Above all things **she needs security, guidance, and to feel that she is of value.** She would ask me THE questions, you know the ones, the questions where everybody in the room knows the answer, but the guy will lie and the woman will be happy to accept that known lie. Homey don't play that. For example ""Do you think about sex with other women? Are you going to cheat on me? Are you going to leave me one day? Would you remarry if we got divorced? If I died? Do you only care about yourself?"" For fun, my answers: [Yes], [No (I don't cheat, I would tell you before I started fucking other women)], [if I'm not fulfilled yes], [Remarry, probably not, I would probably have girlfriends though], [same answer], [No, the list is kids, me, you]. She didn't like those answers, I would shrug, tell her next time don't ask questions she doesn't want to hear the answer to. How 'bout the sex? It was getting a lot better, it was always good vanilla sex, but now it was different, hotter, but still not there, not for me. Remember my need for enthusiastic sex? The problem with ""dread sex"" is that you instinctively know that this isn't what she really ""wants"", it is what she is prepared to do to achieve her goals. The [""Every unhappy wife is a rape victim""](https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/3fpefe/every_unhappy_wife_is_a_rape_victim/) post really hit me hard. I don't want a woman to have sex with me because she has to, I want it because she wants to. Caveman? I literally cannot do it. It is just of no interest to me and an instant turn-off. Now she was in my frame, but she was still in the maze trying to figure out how to get to the point where all of here needs are met (although she didn't even really know what her needs were). Having sex out of fear that a guy will leave you (and still wondering how much is enough) isn't helping her feel secure. Eventually there were tears, she was at peak stress, had been bouncing around the maze for almost a year, and felt just generally lost. It was time to throw down the life line and see if she wanted to board my ship. **D-Day:** I was about to leave for a business trip for a few days, I think she was worried I might cheat (not that I hinted like I would. I hold myself to the highest standard, and day one I was working to be the controlled and principled 2.0 man I wanted to be), she was just feeling insecure. She told me she was feeling stressed, didn't want me to leave, was worried for our relationship. I had her lay on my chest and we had a long talk. (So funny, most of my marriage when we slept she would face away and very rarely lay on my chest, now it is routine). I helped to guide her to understand why she felt the way she felt, but didn't placate her feelings, her feelings are hers, not mine. This is where I went OVERT, lots of talking, but not DEERing for sure. I told her my needs list, point blank, and that if my needs are met then our relationship is in good standing. She cried, hard. She felt bad that she had not been meeting my needs. I told her that she is not at fault, I am responsible for my needs. Those ""impossible questions"" came back again, they got the same answers again, but, this time it was different. She saw the light. My real and accurate answers aren't a threat, they are part of her roadmap. Her feeling of insecurity is gone when she realizes that she doesn't have to live up to some undefined standard to ""keep"" me, she just has to make sure my needs are met. This time my ""bad"" answers were the right answers. She tried to challenge, for example ""So, you are saying if I don't have enough sex with you we will get divorced?"" ""I didn't say anything about divorce, I said that I need sex. If that time were to come, I would not cheat, I would inform you that my needs are not being met, and we would as a team discuss the options."" She nodded in agreement. I explained to her that so many of our past relationship problems were related to insecurity and a constant struggle for power. She now could see that too. She had read 50 shades, so she knew about ""D/s"" relationships loosely, but frankly that book gets it way wrong. I told her that we can continue bouncing around through life, going through cycles of happiness and fights or depression, or we can start a new relationship 2.0, one where we are hyper focused on each other's needs. I told her to research real 24/7 D/s relationships while I was gone and we would talk when I got back. She read until her eyes bled, learned all she could, basically took her own red pill, and when I got back we started our new relationship. It was awesome, we felt like teenagers again, and it hasn't stopped. We worked as a team to craft our relationship, take ownership of it. I am her dominant husband, she is my submissive wife. Her needs are BEFORE my needs. You read right. She has given herself over to me, she is mine, and I am responsible for her 100%. We have a signed contract, and she wears a symbolic collar 24/7. As such I am fully responsible for her needs, that is number one in my mission. The D/s hierarchy is sub's needs, dom's needs, dom's wants, sub's wants. Notice that her wants are at the end. Sometimes she doesn't get what she wants, I give her what she needs. She has rules for her behavior and rules for day to day tasks. If she breaks a rule she is punished with spankings. Every day we have time set aside to discuss her needs and wants as well as mine. She lives to serve me and make me happy. When she serves me well I make sure she feels very appreciated and valued for her efforts. This is how we meet all of her needs (Security, guidance and feeling of value), and she has unwavering guidance from me to make sure her needs are ultimately met, which really means making sure that my needs are met. She can now completely shut off these negative parts of her brain, they are unnecessary. She knows I am happy, and I make it abundantly clear if I am not. Our sex life is amazing. Not only do we do everything I could ever want, she is obsessed with my pleasure now. That is what gets her off. She can have an orgasm just from me cumming in her mouth. I of course praise her constantly for her good behaviors, but one of the worst things I can do is ""let something slide"", as that would tell her that I have lost interest in the relationship. She feels loved, cared for, safe, and highly valued. I feel incredibly satisfied, I enjoy my peaceful life at home, I love my family, and honestly do feel like a Disney marriage is attainable, it is just that we were looking in the wrong place. We have been in relationship 2.0 for a couple of years now, and it gets better every day. I've already gone on way too long, if you have specific questions regarding how our day-to-day relationship runs feel free to ask. I hope this was of some value to some of you. As I said, I can't say that my path is the ""right answer"", maybe I just got really lucky, who knows, but I can say that I am forever indebted to all of those who have worked to make MRP what it is, and I'm all too happy to try to pass on the favor.",,125,InChargeMan,2019-06-22 05:08:48 marriedredpill,c32kq4,What is the main event?,"#####Dread and the Main event. What you think you have is probably not the main event. [Also read it here](https://www.rianstone.com/blog/2019/6/20/mainevent) I, along with other who are actually smart and capable here talk about Dread. If you don’t know, Dread is the process where a man prepares himself to be the most attractive man he can be while giving a girl he is currently married to, or in a long term relationship with, a chance to step up her game and meet his challenge before he moves on to someone else (or no one at all). One thing that isn’t discussed nearly enough is the main event, or that moment when the power dynamic in a relationship shifts for the better, and a guy receives the mother of all comfort tests, or a girls anxiety about her relationship security. I’ll paint a picture. Imagine a guy who generally puts everyone except himself first. This could be you, your dad, your brother, or a guy form work who talks about his marriage way too much. He marries the first girl who shows the slightest appreciation for this. Maybe they have kids, maybe they don’t. The one thing that happens is that the sexual thrill of having two people, a girl desperate for unearned validation, and a guy desperate to work for it; that thrill starts to waver. Two codependents cannot stand alone, someone has to become the narcissist, and the wife begrudgingly takes the role. Sometimes the girl has some serious daddy issues and refused to accept anything but that role. A lot of women try their whole lives to be men, they always seem to be really good at becoming the worst that men have to offer. Some men just light themselves on fire to keep others warm. This couple used to have sex like rabbits, it’s now on a schedule: monthly, quarterly, annually? Then, it’s just done. Some of the worst guys I’ve seen an spoken to have gone on in this personal hell for as long as a decade or more. I should say it breaks my heart, but they did it to themselves. The average man can get laid if he wants to, the question is what else is he attached to that gets in the way? Hint: It’s validation seeking co dependence. Even the single guys have it, they don’t get to pat yourselves on the back. What, did anyone seriously think that proclaiming ‘the juice isn’t worth the squeeze’ to every woman at every opportunity was being above it all? Who exactly do you think is supposed to hear that message and validate it? Back to the relationship co dependents. They eventually find their way to our space. We get these cookie dough men, we show them the shit from the sidebar etc. I, or someone else (mostly someone else now) berate them like a drill sergeant to crush that ego, and until they come out the other side, forged out of iron. They get into shape. They work out years of frustration inside the squat rack. They get their mind right, they replace their shitty mental models with healthy … more importantly, with successful ones. And another concept, the thousand foot toe rope; The concept of where a mans progress isn’t reflected in their woman, much like a ship towing something at a thousand feet doesn’t change direction for a long time. **We can all say we are a married team, but you’re alone. Never forget that you ain’t shit, and that’s OK.** #####At it’s core, Dread is about you learning how to become attractive, or how to be attractive again, and to learn learn how to stop being unattractive, to start looking the part. The part is of a self actualized, charismatic, lovable man. Insert whatever masculine words into this box. It’s a mans individual box, labelled ‘masculine.’ Just make sure enthusiastic sex is in there somewhere. When this happens, men start to build and experience options, or abundance. Women in general love charismatic, fun, lovable and attractive men, they love them a lot. That wife or long term relationship that a man has been experiencing purgatory with for months, years … decades? That woman is completely clueless as to why any of this is happening, and he isn’t telling her. Why would he? Guys have tried to, Robert Glover suggests it, in fact plenty of guys in my experience have tried to, or accidentally let her find it herself. Consider this a warning, use open communication like this, and you’ll either get her assuming you’re not going to follow through —as she should — you’ve not followed through on stuff before right? Or she’ll assume you will follow through and it makes her feel bad, so she subconsciously sabotages it. She doesn’t mean to, it’s mainly how women think in this situation. She feels bad, she feels worse as you get better, and she does things so she doesn’t feel bad. Want an ice cream? You deserve a reward for a good week at the gym. Lets have a drink and see what happens!? Instead, keep all that work to yourself, no woman wants to hear it and it makes it harder for you if she did. Then eventually, eventually something happens. It doesn’t happen all the time, and it doesn’t happen with everyone, but it does happen. People around you, your woman in particular start to act right by you. They do this because you’re worth a damn for once. If you’re lucky you got a good woman. she’s switched on with no daddy issues. Shes emotionally damaged no more than your average girl. They see a guy step up, and they fall into line. She trusts her instincts and does what she has to do to keep her man, to keep you happy. If that’s you, great, you’re one of the few, the proud, the top 20%. welcome to hypergamy, where a woman defers to her best option, try the crab cakes, they are delicious! But for most of you, most of us, that’s not what happens. A woman will be utterly confused. Her man is getting better while she is falling behind. There’s years of built up baggage, so seeing such attractive behaviors in an unattractive man is confusing. This story only ends one way. She goes to her tool box and uses all the tools that used to work: * She tries nagging * She tries getting angry * She tries feigning being hurt so you protect her * She tries feeding you during a cut She still doesn’t feel sexually aroused by this, there’s just too much baggage in her head from how things used to be, but in the back end of her girl brain, she kind of starts to feel something, a spark. That spark turns into a fire, and when it does she can’t ignore it anymore. #####This is the main event. If you’ve not heard of the term comfort testing, it’s where a girl attempts to get assurances that you won’t leave her. The Main Event is the mother of all comfort tests. It’s a last ditch play to find some stability. You always know when a woman is desperate, and she switches over to a direct style of communication in an emotional situation. Where is she in your life? What does she have to do to be there? What are you trying to accomplish? Why do I feel genuine desire for this dufus? It’s all subconscious, and it’s all there. A lot of guys think they have a main event, but they don’t. They get a girl who starts getting angry, starts trying to communicate, starts all kinds of antics to pull you back in to her frame, to make things revert to way they were before. We are creatures of habit, and nothing bothers us more than when people don’t act how we expect them to act. That’s not a main event. A main event is a visceral thing. If there’s no snot bubbles, if there’s no tears, if there no genuine fear that she may lose her best option, and if she’s able to form a sentence without stammering, it’s not a main event. It’s the strongest emotional reaction you’ll ever see from a woman. We talk a lot about submission, it’s an emotionally charged word, but that is exactly what this is. This is the strongest display of submission a man will ever see in a relationship. It’s when, in a girls heart of hearts, she submits to you: the strong, aloof, sexy, charismatic man of value. The guy who has the right mix of desire and comfort, alpha and beta qualities, serotonin and dopamine. What, did you think Alpha meant good and Beta meant bad? Don’t kid yourself, these are edgy shorthand terms to describe the lover and provider behaviors in men. No guy does anything if you call him a lover, but call him an Alpha and his peacock plumage starts to flair out. the main event is where a guy knows that he’s no longer faking it, it’s where a guy has actually made it. That man has got the reins, maybe for the first time, maybe after a hiatus. He’s leading the relationship so don’t screw it up. The first step to getting there is whats called the Come to Jesus speech. That’s a topic in and of itself, for another time. #####Dread and the Main Event To sum up, with Dread, you’re going to receive one of thee positive outcomes. well, two are positive, one is just positive for you: * A mans wife or girlfriend steps up to meet the challenge, or * A mans wife or girlfriend fights him every step of the way until the main event. The last option, maybe her daddy issues run too deep, she just checks out, she never wanted a good man, she wanted a whipping boy. One can’t do anything about that, just be ready to interview her replacement, because, and this is another old saying The stay plan is the same as the go plan. [Also, you can read it here, with photos so you don't get bored](https://www.rianstone.com/blog/2019/6/20/mainevent) [And here, you can make a simple tuna melt while you listen](https://youtu.be/1TLkcSR8rc0)",,88,RStonePT,2019-06-20 22:31:06 marriedredpill,c341tx,You're an animal,"You do realise you are an animal right? You are an animal that operates according to inbuilt biology but also within societies man-made rules, Yeah? It’s a balance, and society can only tolerate so much animal, even though it’s your natural state. If you go too much animal, well you will get your animalistic ass put in a cage. I bet you were more animal as boy, and were taught over time to only use your animal eyes with the filter dictated to you by society. But if you’re an animal, your wife must be too. That means you’re kids are animals, and they are being tamed into the ways of society too, right now if you are doing your job. So you’re in your Den with big and small male and female animals. And just FYI, the big male leads the pack. But your also a societal human too, you like comfort, you like community, you like intellect and theory. You like that someone made the medicine that helps you along in your day. You like the civility within which you engage with your wife. You like society norms, like blowjobs. Have you ever seen any other animals doing that? No. That’s a society thing. And you’re here for sexual strategy, which lets be honest is >80% animal behavioural traits. So as much as I love the theory that comes through, and hey, I am as much a part of that as you, lets just remember that if you want to be alpha, you need to be spending more time on 'animal you' and less time on 'society you.' Find your balance, but remember she's mostly attracted to the animal. \------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ The following story was deleted as far as i know, so I have just pasted the whole thing in. Some of you will remember it of course. Its a good read, one of my favourites. credit to redpillrobert - deleted &#x200B; **THE LION AND THE LIONTAMER** &#x200B; *Over time a lion's loyalty begins to overcome his rationality. He loves the lion tamer. Even if sometimes she forgets to feed him. I mean, she always feeds him eventually. Even though it's only one kind of meat, and frankly, he's getting kind of bored with it. He really misses the variety that the wild provides, but the lion tamer told him that if he leaves the cage and eats anything else, she'll get mad and his gravy train will stop. So he fights his natural urges and repeats to himself over and over that this meat is all he needs. It's safe, it's fairly reliable. No reason to risk that.* *Sometimes he has to perform tasks for the lion tamer in order to get fed. But they're not very big tasks. Not like leaving the cage and trying to hunt again. And it's been so long since he last hunted, does he even remember how? In fact, he's gotten pretty out of shape since being in there, even if he knew how would he even be fast enough to catch any food? But he knows he can do those tasks though. So no problem. He'll just keep doing that.* *But as time goes on, he notices that doing them doesn't always result in being fed. Sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn't. And frankly, the quality of the meals has really dropped. Not only are they infrequent and unreliable but they're bland and dry. It doesn't even taste that good. Sure some of that is because he's used to it but he can tell when a meal takes effort and when it doesn't. She's not even tenderizing it anymore.* *So the lion starts to get angry and starts to roar at the tamer. But that only seems to make things worse. So in desperation the lion starts searching for ways to please her--tries to crack the code. He does everything she asks, and even things she doesn't. But his meals remain so sporadic and unpredictable he can never get his bearings and develop a rational plan for securing his food. So he just tries everything every day all the time and hopes for the best. She's become like a volcano goddess and all he can do is grovel and pray.* *Until one day the lion wakes up and he sees that while he slept, another cage has been constructed during the night right next to his and his tamer is with another lion inside, giving him all the juicy, tender, deep-red meat he wants (she even lets the lion fuck her in the ass).* *He roars at the other lion, he roars at the lion tamer, but she merely glances at him in contempt and tells him to get lost. So he leaves. Stunned, hurt, humiliated, angry, and hungry, he's forced to hunt again but his muscles are weak, his senses are dull, and his memory of how to survive in the wild is faint.* *And so off he goes to rebuild himself again, if he can.* &#x200B; **Spend more time on your wild lion and less time trying to crack the code.**",,53,simbarlion,2019-06-21 01:04:26 marriedredpill,c2l5dt,Your woman is one of your greatest creations,"When you first begin this journey that is MRP, you were told to stick with the plan and work hard, the gains would be enormous. It’s true. After six months you likely look at yourself entirely differently than you did for many years before. You wife has likely responded in some positive way to your changes, and your family has as well. You begin to lead, and lead from a place of abundance. Things happen that don’t go according to plan, but your extensive MRP training (sidebar & lift) has you prepared for nearly anything that you can come your way and you’re well underway being the captain of your ship and crew. When it comes to improving yourself, I think that many of us reach a point to where the gains are very small incrementally versus when we first began. It’s in this stage that we begin to understand if the 1000 ft rope will tighten or not. Most see progress, some do not, but this post is for those of you who see progress in your wives and the willingness to follow her captain. Your woman is one of your greatest creations. You may not believe it, but anything *great* about her is because of you. You are the one who draws out her inner feminine spirit that shines in the most peculiar and routine ways. You are the man that allowed her to find a place where she…. can be happy. What a gift. What a gracious gift that you have the ability to give this to someone else. Your energy, your attention, your time… all pieces of you that you give willingly to your woman so that she can grow from it all. She is a reflection of everything good and bad in you. She is moldable through your leadership and giving. Through your gift of her happiness, she adds value to your life in those peculiar, mundane and often sexy ways. When you look at your woman remind yourself of your ability to give her this gift. You are the prize. In return she will give you the gift of femininity. Recently, I found myself reflecting on how much my wife has changed since I began this journey nearly a year ago. Despite a few dealing with Rambo, I’ve found my new self is accepted and adored by my wife in most cases. Now she has begun her own journey of following her Captain, tugging at the rope trying to reel herself in to the ship that has been sailing on course for some time. The only thing my wife did a year ago was take care of the kids (badly) and clean. She was a horrible cunt to be around. By the time I discovered MRP, she was only doing laundry and taking care of a 2 year old and I decided to pick up my life and do all the rest that was required for a home. Fuck her, right? Sex was starfish 1-2x week. I was angry. Now one of my greatest creations – a reflection of myself – is nearly a perfect housewife. Cooks, cleans, takes (better) care of the kids, plans activities, joins a pottery class, enjoys vacations, gets ready everyday with makeup and hair, and fucks with enthusiasm and desire. And I’m only at the beginning. The thoughts of her improving more as I do are exciting. The journey itself becomes fun and challenging. Realizing that everything she is doing now is a reflection of my hard work is astounding. I’m grateful. I’m beyond speechless. I can not believe that the biproduct of all this hard work on myself is a woman that I have lead to be a better version of herself. And all of that without a single word. For those struggling with validation… Not a single time did I get encouragement from her. Not a single bit of praise. Not a mention of anything that would resemble a wife who is proud of or to be with her husband. Not a single comment on my physique, style, new haircut, sexual position, or attitude. Nothing. And I still haven’t heard her say a nice thing once about any of my changes. The fact is – we should have never let ourselves get to the place where all of this feels like *work.* It’s not work. It’s how we were designed to be and designed to live. A man is only as strong as his knowledge of this world and we were unfortunately sold a lie. Finding MRP just brings us back to what we were designed to be. It shouldn’t have been, but it was hard work for me. The comfort testing will increase. She will be seeking praise for her accomplishments along the way, and unlike her – I give them willingly because I honestly am proud of her. The feminine grows with praise. The masculine grows with challenge. To me, that is the sense of pride that a man can have in seeing how his hard work has benefited someone else, and more importantly someone he cares deeply about. For a willing wife, MRP can save them too. You can lead yourself, and a willing wife to a place where she will be most happy and simultaneously add the most value to your life. You are the creator of your life. YOU can create a marvelous relationship with or without your wife. That’s your choice. For fucks sake, make *something*. Always be creating. You’re the fucking captain now. Get to work.",,157,HornsOfApathy,2019-06-19 19:02:51 marriedredpill,c27czu,The Second Kiss of Death,"There is a saying in the manosphere that is so notorious that it has been labeled by some as the ""kiss of death"" to a marriage: ILY, BINILWY. ""I Love You, But I'm Not In Love With You."" This is usually directed from a woman to a man. It's an expression of her hypergamy and hamster brain at its finest: ""I'm not a bad wife. I still love my husband. But someone else is giving me the tingles. That's reasonable, right?"" 9 times out of 10, when you hear this phrase, it's over. Only the top men will figure out how to recover from this - and doing everything you can to make her happy isn't the answer because that's what got you into that mess in the first place. But this isn't the only ""kiss of death"" out there - it's just the only one that gets verbalized. As many of you know, I see a lot of broken marriages. It's my day job. I've noticed another kiss of death, and this one is usually directed from a man to his wife. It doesn't roll off the tongue as nicely, but here goes: IH, BINHFY. ""I'm Horny, But I'm Not Horny For You."" _____ **THE PEOPLE** Women talk. Men do. Women are willing to say ILY, BINILWY. Rarely will a man communicate IH, BINHFY. For these men, their wife is willing to have sex with him, but has no personal desire. She wears jeans and a t-shirt everyday. She spends all her time on social media, primping her house (because you know it's not really his), or binging Netflix. She may have been attractive at one point, but she no longer feels the need to put in the effort. The men themselves are boring. They waver between work and vegging out. They don't have a mission. They don't employ kino. They're not hitting the gym. They may have been attractive one point, but he no longer feels the need to put in the effort. _____ **THE PROBLEM** What's unique here is that these guys have willing wives. How do I know? Because the thought of not having sex with her doesn't cross his mind until she actually offers and he realizes he's not interested. After that it delves deeper to the point where he's not interested in initiating either. If she's willing, what's the problem? The problem is that he's not attracted to her, which is closely related to the fact that she's not attracted to him. If she was, she'd see his disinterest and try to spark interest again. Married men have standards too. When talking about SMV, most men size up a woman by her looks, but most of us agree that this isn't based on the raw material alone (weight, symmetry, etc.): - How she dresses. This is a part of her looks. An attractive woman who hides what she's got isn't attractive anymore. To pick on an easy example: have you seen [Jennifer Lopez in sweats?](https://pmchollywoodlife.files.wordpress.com/2019/03/jennifer-lopez-shows-off-her-perfect-butt-wearing-tight-black-spandex-pants-on-hustlers-set-ftr.jpg?w=620). Not bad. But [have you seen her in actual sweats?](https://hips.hearstapps.com/ell.h-cdn.co/assets/15/48/elle-celebs-in-sweats-jennifer-lopez-splash.jpg?crop=1.0xw:1xh;center,top&resize=980:*). No thanks. Outfit matters. - Makeup. This is also part of her looks. We've all seen [before/after pics of celebrities without makeup](https://imgur.com/gallery/aHsZa08). Dear goodness, most of them look ... normal? Some women can pull off normal and still make me want to screw them. Others can't. - Posture/Pose. This is all about how she presents her looks. It's the difference between [""There she is on her phone again""](https://i0.wp.com/womenspokerworld.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/woman-on-cell-in-bed.jpg?w=980&ssl=1) and [""Dang, I gotta get her off that phone again!""](https://previews.123rf.com/images/maridav/maridav1410/maridav141000055/32268423-smartphone-woman-using-app-on-mobile-smart-phone-lying-in-soda-smiling-happy-beautiful-multiracial-g.jpg) - Seduction/Attitude. This is less about how she looks and more about sexual behavior, speech, mannerisms, etc. When you talk, does the conversation go [like this?](https://ak8.picdn.net/shutterstock/videos/31714228/preview/stock-footage-young-brunette-woman-in-t-shirt-showing-blah-blah-sign-and-looking-at-the-camera-over-turquoise.webm) Or a little more [like this?](https://ak9.picdn.net/shutterstock/videos/31714249/preview/stock-footage-beauty-brunette-woman-in-t-shirt-licks-and-bites-her-lips-while-looking-at-the-camera-over.webm) There are more I could go into (hair style, skin tone, muscle toning, accessories, etc.), but you get the point. Having a hot wife doesn't mean squat if she's only hot on Friday nights when you happen to have a babysitter, and even then only if she feels like it. Yes, I've been there. Ironically, his non-attraction to her often makes her feel more validated in her sexuality within the marriage, not less. Her hamster spins, ""I'm ready and willing. All he's got to do is initiate. He must be the problem, not me. I'm fine."" How can she get away with this false-validation? Because he's too big of a pussy to tell her plainly: ""Screw off, woman. I don't cum on to just anyone. I have standards,"" or even, ""I'm horny, but I'm not horny for you."" _____ **MISTAKES/SUCCESSES** Now, when a man actually has this conversation with his wife, it rarely goes well. I tried that in the past. My wife is naturally attractive, but doesn't always put in the effort I like to see. Progress is progress, but here are some mistakes from my past. - ""You should wear more tank tops and skirts. I think they look really sexy on you."" ... didn't result in her wearing more tank tops and skirts. It's good for her to know what I like, but simply telling her didn't cut it. - She's riding me, but I'm not even close. I tell her to bite her lip and moan. Mistake. She goes off about how she's not going to fake it, and she already finished and just wanted to be done because she was getting sore. Blah, blah, blah. - I've also tried outright saying ""No"" to sex when she initiated, giving a clear cold shoulder and explaining that I'm just not feeling horny toward her in the moment. Huge butthurt moment. No, this did not inspire her to start perking her chest when I walked in the room from then on in order to make me horny. Want to know what did work? - Buying her a skirt. She wore it. - Making her moan in bed, then sticking my dick in her while she was still moaning. - Initiating sex in a way that made her feel sexy and want to keep feeling that way. See the difference between how ""saying"" failed, but ""doing"" can succeed? _____ **TEMPORAL HOTNESS** Now I'll note, this is still something of an ongoing struggle with my wife. Every now and then I catch myself thinking, **""What's the point of having a hot wife if I don't get to see her being and acting hot?""** Then I remember that ""hot"" is not just about a woman's *potential for hotness*, but about her *actual hotness in the moment.* To that end, my wife was not hot yesterday. There were a couple days last week when she was hot, though. See how that works? Yesterday she was a harpy. There are other days when she's an incubus. Some days she's all business, other days she's all play. **RETENTIVE ATTRACTION** The degree to which I am attracted to my wife isn't temporal, though. Guys seem to have a weird lingering subliminal memory for how we view women. About once every 6 months I'll go on Facebook and see pictures of people from high school. My ONEitis from back then looks fine today, but for some reason I still see her as a goddess. My wife is 11 years older and 10lbs heavier than when we married, with stretch marks from 4 pregnancies, but there's a part of me that still sees the girl I dated when I look at her. Yet my attraction toward her does waver. Why? Because I see the dissonance between my memory of her hotness and the present reality in front of me, when they're not aligned. But instead of a sharp spike in attraction from day to day, it's more of an average. If she's hot 6 days in a week, I'm still horny for her on the 7th, regardless of how she's wearing her hair, posing her body, or that she's not wearing make-up. But if she's only hot 1 day in a week, suddenly I'm more interested in the girl with the tight midriff walking down the street. Did my wife's facial features change? Did her weight take a massive hike that week? No. But in those times she does make it hard to visualize the hotness my memory wants to recall. _____ **WHY DOES THIS MATTER?** For guys out there whose wives already make them horny 7 days a week, it doesn't. For that matter, if you're the type of guy who would bang a brick of cheese to get off, it probably doesn't matter for you either. For those of us who find ourselves sexually disinterested from time to time, acknowledging when you're not horny for your wife makes a difference. For some guys, this is the ""kiss of death"" in the relationship that leads them toward divorce. They've given up before they even started. However, instead of cutting off hope of things getting better, this recognition can give a guy motivation to take action to improve things - especially if you're the kind of guy whose mission and MAP includes keeping her around. **IMPROVE THE MAN** We talk a lot here about ""fixing the man"" and general self-improvement. That's great. But in my experience, a guy's self-improvement doesn't *automatically* make his wife start improving all on its own. It does increase her attraction to him, but if he wants to be more attracted to her, she's got to make some changes too. Her being more attracted to him might give some underlying reason to improve, that reason doesn't manifest into action until there's something prodding the action. Remember, women are told all their lives that they're perfect and any guy would be lucky to have sex with them. If you keep positively reinforcing her through your expression of your sexuality toward her, all she thinks is: ""This is awesome! I'm getting a better husband and I don't need to do anything at all, except have sex more often with a more attractive man."" This is one of the greatest shortcomings I see in MRP. I completely get that ""you can't change her, only yourself."" I also get that self-improvement is foundational. I also get that there aren't to be any covert contracts: she may never actually improve. But none of this is a license to ignore all conversation about how to get her to improve beyond ""improve yourself first."" What after that? The imbalance of content on MRP in favor of male-improvement leaves the implication that men *shouldn't* nudge their wives to improve themselves because we're so used to reading, ""Just work on yourself and if she responds, great; if not, leave. Abundance, blah, blah, blah."" The posts about how to ""train up your slut"" are either incredibly narrow in focus or otherwise extremely rare. I'm not saying to make this a 50/50 - but 90/10 is better than 99/1. Improving the man is only the starting point. **THEN IMPROVE THE WOMAN** Last week I made [this post about ""gravitational centers""](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/bzi4gl/gravitational_centers_a_case_study_on_the_mrp/), which tracked a common journey from ""ILY, BINILWY"" to bliss. Bob had thought ""IH, BINHFY"" toward his wife before. But Bob's wife didn't improve all on her own. It wasn't some magical thing in her that she suddenly decided to do when she saw him making progress. He was inviting her to improve with him all along the journey. - ""I'm going to the gym. Want to join?"" - ""I need a new suit. Want to go shopping together? You can do a fashion show for me in the dressing room."" - ""I'm going to cook a new meal. Want to help?"" He led by example. Instead of affirming her, he stretched her. Most wives don't ever realize ""IH, BINHFY"" is a thing a guy thinks from time to time. I remember my wife at one point thinking that sex was just about ejaculating and that it didn't matter how she acted, which outfit she wore, etc. ""I'm naked. Why aren't you hard yet?"" She had to be taught that guys don't get hard on command. I remember a radio host doing a prank call with a woman, sharing embarrassing stories, who commented, ""This girl must be hot because apparently she grew up believing guys were always hard. She'd never seen a naked guy in front of her who wasn't!"" The sad thing is: in today's culture where just saying ""Do you want sex?"" *actually will* make a dozen men nearby hard, there's not a lot of reason for women to believe otherwise. That's why dread is so powerful. You've got to be high enough quality to make her want to keep you happy. But even after that, you've still got to nudge her to work on herself too. It's not enough to tell or show her what makes you happy: you have to make it an express expectation. **SUGGESTIONS** How do you do that? A few things I've tried to get the conversation rolling: - Buying clothes that I like to see her in. I actually went to an ""adult superstore"" recently, for the first time. It wasn't as absurd as my pious sensibilities were expecting. I bought a pair of leggings, looked around for a while at some lingerie and toy options, and left. (Funny: I commented to my wife about how I heard the store was going out of business and she replies: ""Good. Less of that kind of sin to worry about."" She'll get there). - I also downloaded a free app that offers sexual ideas and matches them between partners (Kindu, if you're interested). Every now and then she'll do one of their ""packs"" [of options] and press the ""wink"" button, which sends me a signal that she wants to try it. This gave her some inspiration to start working with. - Instead of averting my eyes as soon as my wife sees me glancing at another girl, I let her see me linger. She doesn't like it, but it tells her what catches my attention. It was easy to start with steamy scenes in a show, then move everyday life. Figure out what works for you. But don't just assume that self-improvement by itself is going to get her on the self-improvement track too. It might give her the energy to change, but you've still got to make clear that you *expect* her to change. If you all have any more tips, feel free to share. I'm far from an expert on the *how* of this, but given how little conversation I see on the subject (other than ""improve yourself and see what happens""), I bet there are some good answers to go around.",,122,Red-Curious,2019-06-18 20:25:00 marriedredpill,c1zn71,"Own Your Shit Weekly - June 18, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,13,AutoModerator,2019-06-18 08:24:37 marriedredpill,c1pw9x,Does she trust you to be a man?,"I’ve been listening to The Science Of Trust by John M Gottman lately and it occurred to me that the reason MRP works is that it’s about building trust. Of particular interest in the book is that they found in their studies that men and women both are happier in relationships where the woman trusts the man. Drunk Captain = not trustworthy of family leadership. Doesn’t clean up after himself = not trustworthy of family leadership. Fat and lazy = not trustworthy of family health leadership. Finances a mess = not trustworthy of financial leadership. Oneitis following her everywhere = not trustworthy of her leadership. Not growing or developing as a man = not trustworthy of family growth leadership. Not owning your shit = not trustworthy of leadership period. Whining like a bitch = not trustworthy of leadership period. Not setting or maintaining boundaries = not trustworthy of family safety leadership. Can’t pass shit tests = not trustworthy of her leadership. Can’t identify shit tests = not trustworthy of her leadership. It goes on from there, we all get the idea. Women want you to be a man she can follow. When she sees she can trust you to be that man she is free to give in and let you lead. All the things we do here are ultimately to build trust. This is why MRP addresses the man and not the marriage. Be the man her hind brain can trust.",,68,suprathepeg,2019-06-17 16:49:02 marriedredpill,c0ll7v,Finding Frame and Curing Anxiety,"One of the many areas I struggled with for a long time is figuring out what the fuck everyone meant by “frame”. Below is what I see as the stages I went through to finding frame. I hope it helps someone else accelerate their journey. I am nowhere even close to finish this journey on frame, I have certainly overcome a major hurdle and figured out what I want in life. It’s as simple of – figure out who you are and your worldview and don’t let anyone or anything shake that. Big thanks to /u/HornsofApathy for a lot of guidance on my journey thus far. ***Background*** Life has thrown a lot at me. I used tragedy and hardship as excuses for being a lazy pile of shit for a long time. I had struggled with depression and anxiety since around 15 years old (21 years of SSRIs and crap). This was bad anxiety – panic attacks, couldn’t go out to restaurants, shutdown socially. I’ve gone over three months now of zero panic attacks, very little (probably normal) anxiety, and feeling pretty damn good about myself. I was told there was no cure for anxiety - I had to find ways to minimize and cope with it. That was more bullshit advice. I 100% believe that MRP cured by anxiety. ***Ignorance and Anxiety – Not Even Aware of Concept of Frame*** Pre-MRP and the early months, I wasn’t even aware that I was living for the expectations and views of everyone else around me. I thought I was being a good son, a good husband, a good dad, a good member of society. The expectations were from my parents, my wife, and society in general. Parents: expectations on career, doing ‘well’, how I should be raising kids Wife: “happy wife, happy life”, she’s a princess and needs to be taken care of, she deserves to be on a pedestal Society: divorce is bad, expect to have no passion in marriage, husbands are dumb/lazy/need their wives to survive Is it any surprise that this resulted in years and years of anxiety and depression? A feeling of never measuring up, never being ‘good enough’ to meet all these expectations? Looking back now, anxiety was a clear, flashing red light that something was *wrong*. I had zero self-confidence. How could I? If I could never measure up, I was a piece of shit. It was so far away from “I am the prize” it was “I am a piece of shit who deserves nothing good”. Pretty dark place to operate from. ***Finding MRP and Cognitive Dissonance*** Life changed on October 8, 2018. I know this because it’s the day I first created a reddit account. I am not fully sure how I ended up here. Over the summer, my wife didn’t fuck me for 2 months. This led to buying a program on rekindling sex. Wasn’t bad, hit a few key principles such as the need for sexual polarity. But I felt it lacking. The issue was so much more so than sex – it was hostility, zero affection (no kissing, cringed at even a hug or holding hands). Best summed up early on by u/[MrChad\_Thundercock](https://www.reddit.com/user/MrChad_Thundercock/) that it was *CONTEMPT* at the faggot I was being. From articles, comments, something led me to MRP. It shut me down. It literally shut me down. For two days I stayed in bed, read The Rationale Male and MMSLP. My anxiety was at 11. My brain was going between “how the hell could this be true?” and “this makes so much sense”. It wasn’t anger – this came later - it was now knowing the truth and the matrix being shattered. ***I found Frame! – No You’re Just a Ramboing Asshole*** I consumed the sidebar at lightning pace, I cleared out the garage, bought weights and started lifting immediately. I devoured posts and read the advice of many of the veteran members on here. I posted in OYS and askMRP and got blasted into oblivion – but it was all to help me. So I got sidebar – done, lifting – done, STFU – much better, but I still struggled with this frame thing. I settled on my “frame” being “I’ll go full asshole, 100% alpha, then the guys on MRP will think highly of me”. This wasn’t *MY* frame, this was again – perceived external expectations. Anxiety was still there but less. I erroneously thought I had figured out the solution – but I was destroying my marriage. Here’s a few things of what NOT to do: · Tell your wife you will cheat on her · Demand certain sex acts · Tell your wife that if she doesn’t please you, you will find a hooker to do so · Tell your wife she adds nothing to your life · Shutdown emotions (latest issue) I was just being an asshole and hurting her because “that’s what alphas do” (note: that is not what alphas do). ***Being Lost and Confused*** After, correctly, being told I was Ramboing on several occasions, I was confused. If frame is not doing what others said was alpha, what the hell was it? I didn’t get it. What I now realize is that I spent so long living in others’ frame, I had no idea who I was or what I wanted. There was no sense of self – it was still a hodgepodge of other people’s ideas of how I should act. Some examples: Spend 30 mins playing a video game with the kids on a rainy day and then feel bad about it because some guy on the internet said video games are a complete waste of time and you should never play them. Rub my wife’s back because I like to do that occasionally – stop because I think it’s beta and a faggot thing to do, even though it’s something **I** wanted to do. ***Really Finding Frame*** Slowly, frame started to develop. It’s a work in progress, but it’s forming up nicely. I started to realize I had my own ideas on right and wrong. No one had to agree with me, but they also weren’t going to change my mind or alter these core beliefs. I started figuring out what I considered a good relationship, what I considered the best course of action at work, etc. Others were free to voice opinion – I’d take them into account, but it doesn’t change these foundation expectations and views I hold. Nothing will. Anxiety is the litmus test for me now… if I start feeling anxious I figure out why and 95% of the time it’s because something conflicts with my core beliefs. I truly do not need any single person in my life – I’ll be fine without them. If they don’t like who I am and what I believe in, that’s their issue, not mine. The crippling anxiety is gone, I'm starting to not only have my own frame but projecting it. I'm a pretty fucking awesome person, I am the prize. Fuck anyone else if they don't want the gift of me in their life - it's their loss. ***Recent Event that Made Me Write This*** Wednesday morning: Wife left her phone out in the morning so I changed my name to Sex God. I found this hilarious. She eventually texts me on WTF is this? You think so highly of yourself. ""I LIKE TO BE TREATED WITH RESPECT NOT USED FOR ONE THING, which is ALL you care about! Wtf, do you absorb anything said to you"". This is an ongoing statement from her lately. My response was simple and matter-of-fact: I care about sex, its important, I'm not going to pretend it's not. I am not going to have walls up around my sexuality. If she doesn’t like that – well too bad, I’m not changing for anyone. That's when I 'got it'... that's frame right there. Here's my worldview and how I view sex. If she has a different view, that's fine but it's not going to shake mine. In case you’re wondering on the result of this: She continued to lose her shit (texting me random things which I ignored). I got home, pretended like nothing happened (because nothing did happen). Just kept a good mood, played with the kids, laughed with my wife. Had some great sex that night. Brought everything full circle by calling her my little sex goddess. She let out a small laugh and said “oh jeez”. Her name is now Sexy Pirate Ninja Goddess in my phone. Pirate Ninja is from a conversation we had regarding what's cooler - pirates or ninjas when the kids were debating Halloween costumes. Obviously a pirate ninja is the coolest way to go.",,89,[deleted],2019-06-14 15:43:07 marriedredpill,c0pcpp,Overt Communication,"....is a RED ALERT, nuclear launch detected red flag in your relationship. Women have their own way of communication. It confuses men who don't pay attention. The point at which a woman directly criticizes another woman is the point of war. It's that serious. Their entire social web is held together by NEVER being directly critical to one another. The point at which your woman is overtly communicating at you is ALSO that serious. However, it's usually not war. It's total desperation.^1 Your wife, girlfriend, whatever has exhausted everything in her playbook and is willing to go against her entire life's experience, hell, go against her fucking biology by the time she is straight up telling you what's wrong. You have officially Fucked Up Big Time™ if this happens. When you hear unfiltered, unapologetic, aggressive aggressive (as opposed to passive aggressive) language, you are officially on notice. Hopefully, this didn't happen to some of you. But for many, it did, or it will. Be aware. You don't want her to talk to you like a man - it means she thinks she has to be the masculine one now. You can guess what she thinks of you as a ""man"" after that. ------- (1) if it's war you need to gtfo. She is irredeemably crazy.",,20,itiswr1tten,2019-06-14 21:11:19 marriedredpill,c06qfe,Depressive and Anxious Wives: Transformation and Building Escape (Part 2),"If you’ve read my previous post about [Depressive and Anxious wives](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/asqi8r/depressive_and_anxious_wives_how_its_all_your/), this is a continuation of that topic. If you want to get anything out of Part 2, I suggest you go back and read my first post to put this into your mind: **It’s all your fault.** **This post’s audience is intended for the Intermediate or Advanced MRP guy.** If you haven’t been at this for 6 months or more, save it, and come back to it later. Until then, you’ll likely try to implement the concepts of frame escape on a shitty weak frame which will fail. Trust me. I did. Your wife is looking for you to not only lead her out of her depressive and anxious states, but to do so with great truth and authenticity. After watching some men who have built a decent frame come back into MRP and ask why their wives are still nuclear shit testing them everyday (this was me at many points) despite them fucking her brains out, I was compelled to write what I think is the missing puzzle piece: **Transforming your frame to be a place of escape.** **Prerequisites:** * Entire sidebar? If no, go do that now. Being with a depressive, anxious or crazy wife requires fundamentals to build something that resembles a frame. **You must understand the concept of fogging better than anyone.** **STFU is equally as important.** * Once done with the sidebar, Read TWOTSM again. I prefer the [audiobook version](https://www.audible.com/pd/The-Way-of-the-Superior-Man-Audiobook/B07FXXWN3T) because it has great narration with a strong masculine voice. It’s also concisely broken into chapters that make sense to listen to all at once or in parts. In my opinion, TWOTSM teaches you how to **move your wife** from emotion to emotion effortlessly with your masculinity. Yes, it’s kind of hippie, but you’ll be **moving the energy** in your relationship. * You’ve developed some form of frame, likely operating with some DNGAF. That’s foundational to creating an escape. * You like you wife. Yes, you probably love her. But do you *like* her? This is a painful road and if you don’t like her, it simply will not work and she will see right through you. * You’re willing to take the tough road and do the hard work. So, here we go, how to take all that negative energy and turn it around for both of you. &#x200B; **Step 1:** **Build your frame.** **But don’t destroy hers.** I won’t spend much time here talking about how to build your frame because it’s been extensively covered in many posts here on MRP. Whatever that frame is, fucking own it. That’s you. Don’t be afraid to be who you are anymore. You’re probably not ready to start shifting her frame into yours because you’re still figuring out who the fuck you are. Follow all the sage MRP advice on building frame and understand that you will not and cannot change her frame. Your goal is NEVER to change her. It is to *invite* her into your frame where she can relax from her own. And your frame is a place of abundance, fun, and masculine power. The last thing you want to do is destroy her frame. Later, I’ll explain how I think you can use it to your advantage. **Step 2:** **Learn from your wife.** She will shit test you to the ends of the earth because she desires the best in you. Your wife knows who you are and is likely more emotionally aware than you think she is. Had a bad day at work? She feels that shit, bro. Turned down for sex and you launched out of bed to go lift? She knows, bro. Take the opportunity everytime something is going sideways or you’re getting a shit test to say to yourself: **What is my wife trying to teach me here?** Likely, she is trying to teach you to operate in your frame, always. She WANTS you to stand in the face of her absurd emotions as the oak gently swaying in the wind saying to her, “Babe, I see what you’re doing here. It’s OK. I’m here. What’s up?” Calibrate your actions accordingly. Take notes in the beginning if necessary, but keep them hidden. **Step 3: Initially caretake by** [**using Advanced Fogging.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/478ye2/wife_admitted_she_uses_sex_to_try_and_control_me/d0biqpm/) If you wife is depressed, anxious and generally batshit crazy it’s likely because she is *needy*. She’s missing something. She looks to you to provide it to her (as she does with everything in her life). Needy women attract needy men. It’s likely that your beta behaviors have been needy which fuels this type of outburst behavior from your wife. Be aware that’s how you got here. Non-needy men do not have time for needy women because we have better shit to do. This is your long term plan. Eventually you’ll transform her neediness into sexual emotion, intimacy and a desire to escape. Does that sound like something you want? For now, you need to caretake a bit. This stage can last a few weeks or a few months. For me, it took about 3-4 months of caretaking from a masculine frame before the needle moved for me. You do shit for her because it makes your life easier. Pickup the extra chores. Make her some coffee in the morning when you make yours. Give her a break from cooking sometimes and do it yourself because you want to be better at it. The most important thing you can do in this stage is to take it on the chin like a boss. She wants to talk? Listen, and STFU. She hates her life and the kids and wants to die? “That sucks babe. I imagine that makes you feel awful.” **Then STFU. LEARN TO FOG.** Get down in the trenches with her, but don’t be a placating emotional tampon. Maintain that you are there to listen, and nothing more. Don’t try to fix this – in fact, **you don’t want to fix it.** You want to harness this energy later. Why are you caretaking? You need to let her know that you are safe. **You don’t judge**. You are the oak. You are a man that can take the worst of her shit tests and it doesn’t phase you. You caretake in this period to show strength. Are you a man of strength and resolve? Do you gladly give your energy positively to her so that she can begin to move away from her shitty frame into yours? The only way to achieve your frame as being a place of escape is **NO JUDGEMENT.** You’ll find yourself saying shit like: “AWALT” or “She’s just being a bitch today” or “What a fucking complaining cunt all the time”. You are judging. Your goal is to get her to understand that her tests are not going to move you but rather *you can use her tests and emotions to move her.* **Step 4:** **Transition the caretaking to the bedroom.** This was a crucial step for my own personal success. A post here inspired me to rethink how I used sex to caretake – which meant that *sexual contact doesn’t always equal sex*. When you awake every morning, you have a raw energy to go and conquer the world. Since the beginning of man, we woke up thinking about what to do that day – how the world was going to challenge us – and how strong we needed to remain with our energy to face the dangers and challenges of what’s out there. Often, we seek release from such constraint. It can come in the form of sports, breaking barriers, or sexual release through orgasm. Your woman has a duality to her nature that creates dissonance. She wants to drain you of your energy in the form of orgasm because it pleases her man. But conversely, she also knows that if she can drain you she knows that the world can as well. Therefore, an orgasm that your wife draws out of you becomes somewhat of a power struggle over the long term. Have you ever withheld ejaculation? It’s a way of taking back that power… [more of my thoughts on this are here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/alr39e/wotsm_withholding_ejaculation/efgb8e4/?context=3) But it’s my personal belief that learning to do this on a small scale will help transform caretaking into true OI towards your wife, which she will feel. And it will continue to *feelz* like caretaking in a sexual way. At some point she will be comfort testing you and you’ll respond with the kiss on the forehead, or simple caretaking. You’ll need to move that into the bedroom at some point, usually in the form of providing her comfort lying down with you. Escalate with her and eventually she might be receptive to your sexual advances. When she’s grabbed your cock – stop. Allow her to do whatever it is that she wants to. If she wants to fuck, “Baby, not tonight. I’d like to build this up through tomorrow.” STFU. Watch. She will either agree, or try to push forward. Don’t let her make you cum. The next day she will be thinking about it – I guarantee it. **Before you were a selfish lover**, perhaps focused on the act of ejaculation, but now you’re focused on *pleasure* and *intimacy*. **She is focused on comfort, still.** And then you’re on the road to getting pleasure, intimacy, domination and comfort all in a single nice package. **Step 5:** **Training your wife** Remember how your wife is coming to bed for comfort? You need to continue to keep this up as an expectation that this is the way that she will receive comfort and alleviate her stress there. I started by offering covert encouragement: “I like how you’re relaxed when you come to bed now.” Or “Something is much better when you come to bed now.” You’re encouraging the type of behavior that you enjoy. **Covertly let her know that what she is doing pleases you.** I just started by cuddling her in bed with her facing me, then taking her hand and placing it on my cock. And I did not initiate. If she wanted to, she could. If not, fine. But what you can’t do is take her hand and initiate in the early stages of her training. Remember – you’re trying to create a space where she can explore comfort and intimacy *at the same time* without any pressure of sexual release. What does this do? It resets the scoreboard, and allows her to enter your frame on her own accord. When it comes to sex – your wife and you have probably constructed this stupid scoreboard of covert contracts that says “One point for cleaning the kitchen, I just need 5 more until I can get laid”. That’s gone, motherfucker. Eventually she will enter your frame, look around and say, [“Where is the scoreboard?”](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/4clb60/had_a_fight_last_night_help_me_parse_it/d1jr3ej/) (Read that link at least 3 times). You must rebuild the trust that any sexual advances that you make are from a place of true abundance and giving. See, you’re *giving* your wife yourself. She is no longer *giving* herself to you, you are taking her. This is where **you** begin compliance **testing her**. Ask her to make you lunch. Ask her to grab you a glass of water on the way to bed. She will jump at the opportunity to give back to you within your frame. If she does not, she has yet to accept that she will enter your frame – likely with more destructive behaviors – until she submits to a better relationship dynamic of living within your frame. Occasionally, be vulnerable and authentic to her about inconsequential matters. I once had a problem with my face breaking out. I simply went to her and said, “Hey babe, so…. My face is breaking out more often. It’s not bothering me just yet, but I’m sure it will. Would you mind picking me up some stuff at the store that would help? I know you’re good at that stuff.” All within that sentence I was able to convey: Vulnerability (face breaking out), checking in with my FO (do you have a good idea?), and leading (compliance testing). With all this said, it’s a strategy. It’s ultimately a sexual strategy. But if you truly embrace the woman that she is and yes, you must like her, you’ll likely discover some things along the way that you too like and want to change. Masculine comfort for the depressive or anxious wife is exactly the recipe that SHE needs in order to enter your frame. Moreso than most women. Calibrate accordingly but allow yourself to give what you want. *Edit*: [Part 3: Converting Dread to Desire](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/d2rvsm/depressive_and_anxious_wives_converting_dread_to/)",,114,HornsOfApathy,2019-06-13 14:48:43 marriedredpill,bzi4gl,Gravitational Centers - A Case Study on the MRP Journey,"As I've observed numerous relationships in the last couple years, I've noticed an interesting phenomenon. I call them gravitational centers. These are relational norms that people tend to gravitate toward without even realizing it - and they can work either for or against you. These are pretty obvious when taking a bird's eye view of how most men see progress in their MRP journey - both relationally (respect) and sexually (seduction). Understanding how gravitational centers work would have helped me break covert contracts early on, as well as staying motivated in my MAP, because it gives a framework for accepting the reality that women will sometimes refuse to respond to your improvements the way you think they should. To make it easy to visualize, I've created [a simple graph](https://i.imgur.com/k1quDDO.png) that should show you how this works. For easy reference: - Red means the woman has given up. She is repelled by her husband. - Orange means she has no interest in working on herself. She gravitates away from her husband, but watches to see what happens. - Gray means there is no gravitational pull at all. You're just existing. - Green means the wife is responding to her husband by improving herself, following his lead in the self-improvement venture. - Dark green is where the wife feels the need to impress her man and that the onus for self-improvement is on her to keep up with where she perceives he already is. This is far from a perfect graph, and the slopes certainly need a lot more readjusting - but heck, I only had an hour and a half to put this post together, so deal with it. _____ **BOB'S STORY** A lot of what's written on MRP is targeted content, addressing a single event or discussing one concept. Reading the broader case studies that tracked the whole of a man's journey often helped me stay motivated, so let's start with a common RP story in the broad picture to show how the various gravitational centers affect sexual responsiveness: nuclear to bliss. I'll use a case study from a guy I've discipled for the past 2 years. For the sake of anonymity, let's call him Bob and his wife Jane. Bob, feel free to out yourself if you think it'd add to the conversation. **NUCLEAR**: Bob's wife, Jane, threatened divorce a couple years ago. They were in the *red* zone. She wasn't getting any tingles or fuzzies. Bob was 100lbs overweight and had no clue what a clit is, much less how to find it. He was more interested in the latest Netflix Original than walking out the front door, and his mission was dictated to him by an NPC on his computer screen. He responded to the threat of divorce by promising to improve. He did improve. He dropped 20lbs in the first few weeks and started contributing to chores. Did Jane see this improvement and reward him for it? No. If anything, she backed away even more, still repulsed by him. Why would she do that when he's making progress? I hear this story all the time among my clients who are shocked when their wife files after they made the changes they promised her. It's because Jane rooted herself into a view of Bob that she could not pull away from. It was as though he was on a bungee cord - the further he tried to pull away from Jane's view of him and the relationship, the more tension existed that, in her crazy rationalization, only reaffirmed that they were in a bad, tense marriage and she wanted out. **SURVIVING**. At some point, the bungee cord stretched like a mangled slinkee. It's still all connected, but even if you let go, it wouldn't recoil all the way. There's extra slack in the line to work with. When Bob crossed that threshold, Jane was willing to give him a chance. Bob's still pretty darn blue because he's doing all of this *for Jane* at the time, but at least the weight keeps going down and he's starting to take ownership of his own home and life responsibilities. He mistakenly makes Jane his purpose, but at least it's better than his previous mission of making as much time for games as possible. Jane's still skeptical and gravitating toward divorce, but at least she's willing to let things play out before pulling the trigger. She's gone from red to *orange*. There's a line ahead of her and she sees it. She wants Bob to succeed and cross that threshold, but expects him to fail. She herself still feels no compulsion to improve. **GRAY ZONE 1**. After enough stretching, the cord finally snaps. Jane is now more interested to see how far Bob will go than she is in looking up attorneys online. In stead of being repulsed by him, she's intrigued by him. She's obviously not going to be chasing after him or try to improve herself yet, but she's not pulling away either. There is no pulling force. Life just exists here. Jane was willing to call Bob her husband again, rather than ""that scumbag I'm planning on divorcing."" She acknowledges her marriage to Bob ... it's just an unhappy one. **PULL UP TO CENTER**. At some point, Bob crossed another threshold. He started dressing nicer, and his clothes were actually fitting. He began wearing cologne. He's initiating sex again. Jane sees the possibility that their marriage can shift from unhappy to normal. In this first green zone, Jane sees hope for what their relationship could become. Suddenly she's willing to work on herself. She believes that a little improvement on her part will continue encouraging Bob in his efforts to improve as well. She's manipulating him, but in her mind it's for the best. All the same, Jane's becoming sexually responsive to Bob again, so things are looking up. **CENTER**. At some point their lives just kind of normalize. This is the second status quo. Just as there was a bungee cord in the bottom left when Jane wanted to divorce Bob, now there's a bungee cord in the dead-center. They aren't unhappy, but they're not excited every time the other one walks in the door either. They're perfectly neutral. Things in the relationship feel balanced, which at first sounds good, but then it means no one is yearning. If Bob were to have faded downward a bit, Jane would have been motivated to get things back to center. Instead of Bob thinking 300lbs was just his normal weight, suddenly 230 is normal. If he pops up to 240 for a time he feels it and something in him causes him to gravitate back to 230 again. The same thing with his lifts - if they slack, he feels a drawing force back to what he was lifting at this center line. This applies to his efforts at leading in the relationship or taking ownership of his home - as he slacks, he sees the negative impact and is motivated to re-stabilize on that normal line. **PULL DOWN TO CENTER**. But Bob's not okay with neutral. He keeps improving. It's harder than it was now. In the lower left sections, Bob first just wanted to avoid divorce, then he saw a ""normal marriage"" as some light at the end of the tunnel he was striving for. Now he's got what he believes all his friends have. Is it really worth it to keep going? He gravitates back toward the center and must have an extreme will-power to keep going up. Jane also became comfortable with neutral. She put in a bit of effort. She dropped 10lbs. It's nowhere near the 70lbs Bob lost, but she had less to lose in the first place, she thinks. She smiles more than she used to in the gray first gray zone, and that should be enough for Bob. Yeah, he can keep improving, but he should be grateful for all the ways she's been improving. She puts the cap on the toothpaste now. Shouldn't that mean something to him? *I've already put in the effort*, she tells herself. *I'm good now. I'll be Bob's cheerleader as he keeps going while I sit right on this line.* **GRAY ZONE 2**. After deciding that ""normal"" wasn't enough, he keeps going. Now he's developing his social game. He's working on his Keno. He's trying new things in bed. He's getting too far ahead of her, so Jane finally agrees to meet him where he's at. She crosses into the gray zone with him. They reach a new status quo. Unlike the first status quo, they're not ""unhappily married"" (default in most sitcoms), nor are they the second status quo of neutrality (where we just assume other people always are). Now they are ""happily married."" There's no pull up or down, left or right - they're fine just where they're at. **THRIVING**. But then Bob keeps improving. He's not doing it *for Jane* anymore. He's doing it because the further he gets from his former unattractive slob self the happier he is with his life - and he wants to see just how far that road will take him. He's no longer one of the ""better guys"" anymore. Now he's one of the best guys. He went from fat slob to respectable hunk. Other girls are taking notice of him and Jane sees it. At first she's mad and wants to pull him back to that center-line, but part of her likes it. If she want it to continue, she realizes she'll have to improve herself just to keep up. Now she's not doing it to motivate Bob - she's doing it because Bob has motivated her. Jane sees another green light - a need to improve herself. Even if Bob stopped improving, just by being one of the ""best guys"" around, Jane constantly feels on her toes - a persistent pressure to keep Bob happy and make a real effort in the relationship. She's initiating sex more than he is. She takes care of the household responsibilities - without him even having to ask. She buys him little fun surprises when she's at the mall. Life is good. **BLISS**. Now, making gains at some point becomes difficult. It's like building a house. One day the foundation is laid. Then the next couple days the structure is up. ""Wow, you got all that done in a day?"" Then the utility lines are installed, and a day after that the insulation and siding are put in. ""Wow, look at that progress! This is going faster than I thought."" Then the flooring is installed in a day. The dry wall in another day. Then the amenities are put in (stove, toilets, etc.). All this massive progress in the span of a few short weeks. But something bizarre happens. You stop seeing progress. The workers are there for hours painting baseboard and nailing it in. It takes two whole days for one of the guys just to tile the shower. It's a week for painting and caulking and detailing. What's taking so long? Bob finally got a foundation laid and structure put in place. He had all the amenities to make Jane swoon, but the detailing would take much longer. Bob's still working on that. But from other relationships with the most high-end guys, I see an even *greener* zone than in the thriving relationships. They live in bliss - true excitement. I expect this can't be maintained perpetually and indefinitely (at least I haven't been able to), but when the guy lives in this peak, the wife seems to feel the full weight of dread on her shoulders and will put in whatever effort it takes to keep her man focused on her instead of the neighbor who's always trying to chat him up. As a man lives in this zone, his wife is drawn toward impressing him. She gravitates toward him, not toward any status quo. **CAVEAT**: In this particular story, (sorry Bob) Jane didn't start off as a very attractive woman (though she got there by the end), so it's not like she had several Chads sweeping in to steal her away while Bob was just getting going. If that had been the case, she may have stayed in the ""I'm better off just divorcing him"" phase much longer - or actually have gone through with it. Again, you can't always predict how a woman will act at any given time, though there are certainly broad trends that are generally reliable. _____ **CONTEXT** It's important to note that the entire context of viewing this graph is looking at the man's attractiveness, value, improvements, etc. as the decisive factor of his own ability to achieve sexual and relational satisfaction - whether with his wife or otherwise. If Jane wouldn't have responded this way for Bob, a litany of other women likely would have. In that sense, while we use the man's status on two of these axes as the premise for everything, the colors show generally how women are likely to respond - not a predictor of how Jane specifically should be expected to respond (no covert contracts). So, you can think of this graph as a picture of female sexuality. For the mathematically inclined, you're welcome to imagine the colors as a topographical indication on a third axis sticking into or out of the page as the general ""female"" variable - I just thought it'd be easier to interpret this in terms of color than a 3-dimensional graph (which would have taken far more effort to figure out how to do than would be worthwhile). But the picture would be far more complete with an into/out of the page dynamic happening in this hole process. _____ **EXTENDING THE GRAPH** You'll note that I extended the ""fuzzies"" section beyond the basic square. This is because you can always add more fuzzies to a relationship ... but after a certain point it forces attraction downward. The further away you get, the less sexually interested the woman becomes and ultimately couldn't care less about the man. _____ **GRAY ZONES** It's interesting to note that there are two extremes in the gray zone: - Extremely attractive people with no depth to the relationship. These are your CEOs, biker gang leaders, and meat heads at the gym. The woman really has no long-term interest in the guy, but somehow she's in his bed for years and years. She's not going anywhere. She knows she doesn't love him, but the sex is too good - how could she leave it? They have reached a status quo - albeit not an ideal one, but it's comfortable enough to live in. - Then there's the supreme beta bux. The guy who isn't attractive at all, but will do anything and everything for his wife. She wants a back rub? There he is. A new house they can't afford? He'll make it happen somehow. Her friend has a cute puppy? He gets her a cuter one. There are water spots at the bottom of the sink after he finished the dishes? ""Don't worry honey, I'll dry them up so you don't have to see them anymore."" She's not going anywhere, but she's certainly unfulfilled. Again, not an ideal status quo, but one she's willing to live with. Between the extremes are areas where a guy sacrifices a bit in one area, but makes up for it in another. _____ **CAPS** Now, I hear some guys complain that they're not naturally attractive, therefore they must be doomed. ""Black pill ... yadda yadda ... I hate women."" Suppose even with all the alpha confidence, amused mastery, etc., he still caps out at about a 7 on the attraction scale. You'll note that it's unlikely the 7 will ever have to worry about divorce ... just remember that these rankings are perspective-based - a 7 to the girl at the bar might still be a 4 to his wife if he's not gaming and attracting her the same way. What hope does he have for a successful marriage once he's hit his attractiveness peak? He'll never be as attractive as Chad. Of course, most Chads don't give her the fuzzies. So, the 7 becomes an oak. Instead of relying on his attractiveness (A-game) to maintain a healthy marriage, he ups his B-game and finds himself in the green, where his wife gravitates toward him and her default position is to improve herself for him rather than rest in the neutral gray zone. Note that the ""fuzzies"" he improves here are not about serving or pedestalizing her, as that would actually decrease his attraction down from a 7. Instead, it is about passing comfort tests and decorating the interior of his frame to be a desirable place that any woman would want to live in, rather than steel and barbed wire that make up the border. The same is true in the reverse. Some guys just lack the capacity to build a comfortable frame. Comfort tests aren't natural for them. They might hit a 7 and peak there. What's he to do? Up his attractiveness game. A balanced guy will have a steady pace moving from phase to phase, but if a guy is imbalanced, he has to put an incredible amount of work on his strong point to make up for a mild/moderate lacking in his weaker aspect. _____ **GREEN-ORANGE REVERSAL** It's also interesting that there is green on the ""unhappy"" half of the graph and orange on the ""happy"" half. Shouldn't all the orange be on the unhappy side and all the green on the happy side? Why would a woman start responding positively to her man when she's unhappy and respond negatively after he's improved? That's the whole point of the gravitational centers. When she's unhappy, but has hope, she gets in the game. When she's happy, but thinks even more happiness isn't worth the effort (usually because she can't visualize it or doesn't believe the improvements will last), she pulls away. This confounds lots of men I meet with who saw some early gains in their sex life, but then realize that continued improvement was counter-productive. I believe this is why. _____ **ANOMALIES** Now, there's actually an updated version of the graph for you to enjoy: [right here](https://i.imgur.com/hxOVMUE.png). I add 3 significant zones. **BROWN** - The brown zone is the murky area where about 95% of men live. They're not elephant-man ugly, but far from attractive. They make up for it by being good beta-bux to their woman, but aren't perfect. That big brown hole is your average guy. It's not a great place to live, but I guess ""not great"" describes the average marriage today anyway. Most women really don't like having sex with a guy in this zone - and might even say it's painful to have to deal with him there, which is why these types of guys face constant rejection from their wife. **CENTER PINK** - This is the ""sweet spot"" for women. Whereas men most often live in the brown zone, married women are most comfortable living in the pink zone - leaning slightly more toward the attractive end of the spectrum, but overall not seeing a compelling need to supremely excel on either axis. And why would they? By being average, they can already get whatever they want from most men. Of course, they don't want to slack too much either, as that would compromise the social advantage they have and their ability to find another man easily if her husband does turn out to be a flop. It's not a sexual peak for them, but it's a comfortable place for them to be all the same. Nevertheless, most guys seem to think women should be sexually excited to be in this ""normal"" zone, and it just doesn't work like that. What zone on the graph is most likely to get a woman sexually excited? ... **UPPER PINK** - This is the exciting place for women and where sex happens most for them. For most women, this really is their peak sexual place on the graph. They can't resist a guy who's extremely attractive, even if he's pretty low on the fuzzies axis. One night stands, bar hook-ups, the CC - it's all because of this particular zone for women. But even within this zone, stroking her feelz even a little bit has more impact than that extra bit of attraction, so I marked off the right-most section of that pink area as the best spot even within that zone. Enjoy, fellas!",,57,Red-Curious,2019-06-11 21:01:42 marriedredpill,bz9klo,Well no shit,"I want to show some gratitude. I heard about TRP then followed MRP. I didnt take it seriously. The past 2-3 years my marriage/sex life sucked. My back round I was a US marine solid frame cut with 6 pack. After marines played semi pro soccer and became a bartender to supplement the income in a sport few people in the US give a shit about. I had a nice body and had more game than milton Bradley. Then I met my wife. I became soft and now struggle to talk to women. It's been 10 yrs with my wife. My wife runs works out at least 3 days a week. I have become beta AF. She has became ""man"" of the house. 4 weeks ago I decided to take my life back. I have not taken the red pill I have only reached for it. So far I have been reading. I have been learning. I started lifting again. More importantly I have been STFU. I hold frame. Shit that has been bothering me around the house I have been taking care of. Not for validation because half the shit she doesnt notice. I feel accomplished I feel prideful my confidence shows Already sex has increased her slutty side has come back out. This is just the beginning I have a shit ton to learn, I have much more to gain. My road looks promising a as long as I stay on path. I havent even swallowed the red pill I'm still understanding it, and all ready benefits have shown.",,67,redpillreach,2019-06-11 07:45:33 marriedredpill,bz9ucn,"Own Your Shit Weekly - June 11, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,10,AutoModerator,2019-06-11 08:24:40 marriedredpill,byrc5u,60 DoD 2019 Flair Awarded,"Look for the 60 DoD 2019 flair on some of your fellow users. Those who really hustled and reported in on it earned ""DREAD Pirate Roberts"" flair. Those who at least participated and reported in on it got ""Dreadful '19"" flair. I'd tell you who all it was, but I'm too lazy. Congrats to all. Onward and upward.",,14,SorcererKing,2019-06-10 00:39:53 marriedredpill,bxs791,[FR] An admission from my wife,"I posted a 1 yr update on here and I wasn't intending to post a 2 yr update. But after a few comments from the wife, I thought I would. If nothing else, its for you lurkers and guys grinding it out to realise that *this shit works*. A few weekends ago we managed to get a babysitter, so I told the wife that we were going out for dinner. It was only a quick dinner out, not a huge special occasion. We are out at dinner, and we are talking as adults. (For those of you with kids, its important that when you take your wife out that you're not taking out the mother of your children, you treat her like a girlfriend. Flirt with her. Make her feel young and girly.) It was during this conversation we were discussing what we wanted to do in the next few years. I was telling her some of my plans for the future (study and work) and she said: ""you know, I don't think you would have chosen to be with me if you had the option now"" It was a complete non-sequitur. But that one sentence demonstrated the difference I'd made in two years. Two years ago - a skinny-fat, drinking, fake-it-til-you-make-it asswipe that she regarded with contempt. Now she thinks I wouldn't choose her if I was single... **** What was the difference? What makes me a different person now than before? I stuck to the gameplan. I made a MAP. I stuck to it. I review it and I update it. I joined the gym. I lift. I'm not going to lie, I'm not a yuuuge guy but I'm trim and well built and looking better in my 40s than I ever did in my 20s. I upgraded my wardrobe, got a stylish haircut. I made new social circles. I became more involved in the local community. Sure there were some times when I ground out and didn't lift for a while, or lost frame. But never for long, and when I did, I came back more fierce than ever. It's simple. I stuck to the plan. Don't confuse this post with a humblebrag. This is me... telling you... that I've been working this for over two years and I really dig the person that I am. My marriage still isn't perfect, no way. But I am one-thousand times the man I was before, and that's what MRP offered, and that's what I got. I never came here looking for marriage fix-up, I was here to fix me. I'm proud of the person that I am now. A man that two years ago my wife wanted to kick out, but who now thinks is well above her station. I'm not perfect, I've still got work to do. I'm confident and secure about myself. MRP has made the man. So boys, are you going to stick with it?",,180,thunderbeyond,2019-06-07 08:43:08 marriedredpill,bxih8t,FR: Losing My Religion,"I’m convinced that this is the most difficult post I’ll ever write. &nbsp; It will quite possibly also be the longest. As usual I am a wordy motherfucker so buckle up. &nbsp; I have often used my posts for journaling and introspection and this one requires some additional background for most of you to understand and perhaps give me some actionable advice after you are done calling me a faggot. &nbsp; That said, I’ll try to be as sparse as possible so if there is more that needs to be explained please ask. &nbsp; Stats: 41 married 19 years, 4 kids, 5’11” 190 lbs, 12-13% bodyfat – bench 225, ohp 135, DL 325, SQ 275 &nbsp; MRP for 1.5 years &nbsp; Dread Level 6-7 I am fit, attractive and well dressed. &nbsp; And, if you didn’t already know… I’m a Mormon. Born and raised. &nbsp; Yeah I wrote this shit : https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/a3692n/a_note_for_the_latterday_saints_mormons_and/ &nbsp; Here’s my problem, and I’m going to offend all my fellow Mormon MRP brothers when I say this. &nbsp; It’s bullshit. &nbsp; Now two days ago I got to this point and had a whole cringeworthy, beta-as-fuck, bluepill DEER heavy victim puke all composed in my mind. &nbsp; You see, my RP progress has been stalled. It was my own fucking fault. &nbsp; What happened? &nbsp; 5-6 months ago, almost immediately after writing my dissertation on Mormons and the Red Pill, after duking it out in the responses with one notable prick who thought to enlighten me to all the faults of Mormonism, I went through a faith crisis of my own and realized a few major things. &nbsp; Things that were parallels to the Red Pill and my experience with it. You see, I had discovered bits of the red pill a couple of years before finally swallowing the damn thing. I had spat it out as incompatible with my religion and being a good Christian/Mormon. &nbsp; Once I realized that the red pill was my only path to self-actualization and that I couldn’t deny the truths of intersexual dynamics any longer I immediately set out to shoehorn the red pill into my life, and my religious upbringing/beliefs. &nbsp; Hell, it worked at first. The LDS church talks a hell of a good game when it comes to traditional family values and often gets criticized by the feminists for being “patriarchal” etc. &nbsp; Redpill fits even though most of the guys in the church are still blue pill plowhorses with their wives running the show from atop their marble pedestals. &nbsp; I could be better. A warrior-priest. Faithful to his religion and to masculinity. &nbsp; There is hope in the core doctrine… at least I believed that. &nbsp; Since that time the LDS church has made a hard left and embraced more feminism, liberalism and blue pill positions and convinced me that they don’t really have men’s backs on anything at all. They just want to be popular, fit in and keep cashing the maximum number of donation checks. &nbsp; 10% of everyone’s income for life. I’ve willingly paid it since I was 8 years old. Hundreds of thousands of dollars over my lifetime. &nbsp; Just like taking the red pill, there are a ton of things that had previously been red flags that I spat out and set aside in order to maintain my cognitive dissonance. Once I saw the cracks for what they are, I realized how little they had my back at all, changing teachings all over the place for better marketing optics, then gaslighting the rank and file that we have always believed certain things. &nbsp; Things that we called anti-mormon lies a decade ago are now admitted because with the documentation readily available they can’t hide anymore. &nbsp; In doing so, they made a liar out of me when I defended their positions and teachings on my two-year mission and in countless conversations. &nbsp; I won’t get into the details here, but the LDS church has severe problems with honesty about its own past history, origins and beliefs. It is run as a corporation for maximum profit and the image is finely polished by lawyers and marketing firms. As times change, they triangulate like any good business to the most virtue signaling and profitable position. &nbsp; If there was objective truth, that wouldn’t happen. &nbsp; If there is a God, and I’m still willing agnostically to believe there is, I’m now convinced that he isn’t found in an organized church on the earth today, and there certainly doesn’t exist a man on earth who has the authority to dictate my behavior in His name. &nbsp; Just like with redpill. I’m taking my balls back. &nbsp; So why the stall in my progress? &nbsp; Well, it’s taken a ton of time and research to process and figure this shit out. During that I’ve lost confidence in my worldview and frame. &nbsp; Worse, my wife is still a true believer. Any criticism of the church results in fingers in the ears “la-la-la I can’t hear you” So I STFU and don’t bother DEERing &nbsp; It’s patently obvious that I’m still a shit captain, because she is not following my leadership and doesn’t believe or respect a fucking thing I say. I’m the bad guy. &nbsp; Mormonism is complicated, with a hierarchy of priesthood authority and an emphasis on couples who stay faithful together get to stay married forever after we die. Those who leave the faith are abandoning their family in eternity even if they want to maintain a relationship. &nbsp; Apostates are ostracized, pitied, seen as lazy, deceived, sinners etc. &nbsp; Once my retraction from the church goes public, the neighborhood gossip will immediately turn to the favorite cause du jour. “What’s wrong with him? Is he cheating on his wife? Is he addicted to porn? Does he *gasp* drink coffee or beer?” &nbsp; My family will be a project for church leaders, and since I will have stepped away, a degree of my authority within the household will be cucked to local priesthood leaders as we will no longer have the blessings associated with having a “worthy” priesthood holder in the home. (as my priesthood will be null and void) &nbsp; My wife will have the local bishop to turn to for moral support, and the moral high ground in bravely raising her children essentially as a single mother even though… I am right-fucking-here. &nbsp; That’s the dynamic. It’s fucked. But it is what it is. &nbsp; Coming forward to my wife about having questions has created a high degree of tension and dread, and not the good kind. &nbsp; So why is this not more of a cry-fest victim puke? Because I fucking finally did what the sidebar tells me to do and took measures to make the stay plan the same as the go plan. &nbsp; She threatened me with divorce being on the table if I choose to leave the church. I STFU and went on with my day. Next day I stopped being a pussy, called an attorney and sat down for a consultation to find out exactly how badly I am going to get raped if she follows through. &nbsp; I had been purple pill justifying not doing this for ages. &nbsp; Guess what? Aside from the fact that we would probably have to sell our house and destabilize the kids, financially I would likely be slightly BETTER OFF than I am now. &nbsp; What’s more, I would have legally mandated half say in major decisions regarding my children’s healthcare, education, and religious instruction. That’s fucking easy mode compared to passing shit tests against the weight of her moral church high ground. &nbsp; Major surprise to me and game changer. Now I have true outcome independence. &nbsp; Time to weaponize that shit. &nbsp; So I do my best to go Sun Tzu with it. “When you are weak- appear strong. When you are strong - appear weak”. Suddenly her shit tests are 100 times more hilarious. The fear is gone again and more than ever, I can truly give less fucks. I am less angry and more fun. But I take no shit. &nbsp; Now maybe things will sink in and I’ll get the main event I deserve. &nbsp; Here’s why. I took a few notes during my meeting with the lawyer. Just basic stuff. Left them in my truck between the seat. Didn’t tell mommy I was doing it, didn’t leave them out as a covert contract threat for her to find and come running back, but didn’t give a fuck either. She almost never uses my truck and rarely rides in it. &nbsp; Turns out we did have to swap vehicles and she decided to clean my truck for me. She read my notes and called me in tears. &nbsp; I kicked ass and maintained frame to a higher degree than I have since my confidence got broken by my faith crisis. &nbsp; Simply told her that I take threats seriously and educated myself. She is free to do what she likes. I don’t care if she chooses to stay in the church. I won’t be told what I have to believe, and I won’t be threatened. Ball is in her court. Ended the call and went back to work. &nbsp; Her response to the dread so far has been underwhelming. She’s done her best to flip this into a lecture about how she can’t be with someone who is half in and half out of the marriage. Blah blah blah about how she is expected to change for me and be my whore and walk on eggshells or I will just leave. &nbsp; I’ve chosen not to engage other than reminding her that she made the threat. &nbsp; Unfortunately, AWALT revisionist history makes me the aggressor. No fucks given. Stop engaging and STFU. &nbsp; In addition to being a shit captain it is obvious that I am still her beta provider, since all she has been doing is looking at second jobs. Its already about the $ and lifestyle loss for her. &nbsp; My plan is to make my way forward in the way that I see fit and now free of having my life held hostage by her or any church. &nbsp; If she wants to come along for the ride, she is free to do so. She still adds value for my kids and potentially for me, I still give 4.5 fucks. Half of one for her and one for each of my kids. &nbsp; She has power over one-half fuck. She can take that away, but I won’t be zeroed out. &nbsp; I am the prize.",,83,alphasixfour,2019-06-06 16:07:04 marriedredpill,bwmb5e,"Own Your Shit Weekly - June 04, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,31,AutoModerator,2019-06-04 08:24:39 marriedredpill,btxgoi,"Own Your Shit Weekly - May 28, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,27,AutoModerator,2019-05-28 08:24:33 marriedredpill,btous8,60 DoD 2019: Finish line,"This marks the end of 60 DoD for this year. I hope that you all learned something new from our contributors and found ways to improve yourself and your life across the board. Use this thread to tell us all what you set out to do in the various areas, and what you actually accomplished. Those of you who declared participation back at the start and who managed to change your habits for the better will be recognized with some special flair from the Mod team. Please show your appreciation for contributions by mentioning the posts and authors in your replies. To all who participated: even if you didn't meet all your goals for change, you committed to your own betterment, which is something. It is now on you to follow up and finish what you started. Hold yourself accountable in OYS until you get there. Thank you, and Happy Memorial Day. Summer unofficially starts today: get out there and crush it.",,23,SorcererKing,2019-05-27 17:38:05 marriedredpill,bsxtu5,10 ways to fail at MRP,"I've been here for years and it's the same shit that trip up new guys. Instead of repeating their mistakes, read this. &nbsp; **You don’t lift hard enough** Lift. Not work out, lift. And by lifting we mean lift heavy free weights with compound movements, and either be on a bulking or cutting diet. You should see your strength increase, if not you’re not pushing yourself hard enough in the gym or your diet is off. You should see 2lbs gained per month when bulking (most of it muscle, and with newbie gains double that, can last 6 months for untrained guys). You should lose 1lbs per week on a cut (fat guys can diet much harder). Track your weight daily, track your calories, if your moving 2 week weight average isn’t hitting your goal, adjust calories. &nbsp; **You mistake your idea of a real man for being alpha** Men have a lot of ideas about what is important: success, money, being a leader, honorable or a good father. Good for you, you do you. But don’t for a second think any of that is alpha, it will not make girls wet. Alpha is frame, game, and looks. A dumb poolboy or a lowlife criminal can hit peak alpha. So don’t whine about how she doesn’t respond to what an amazing leader and entrepreneur you are. Focus on alpha. &nbsp; **You listen to your wife** Don’t. Listen. To. Your. Wife. It’s that simple. What she says has no relevance to making you or her happy. It’s not a guide to a better marriage. In fact, it’s the opposite. Anything she says about you and your marriage is all deception and traps, it’s shit testing. The only thing you should listen for is hooks for your A&As. Other than that, you don’t need to give her answers and under no circumstance should you actually do anything based on what she says. For the autistic: you can still have normal conversations about stuff other than you or your marriage. But you’re not supposed to some frameless dancing monkey performing the ordered act. &nbsp; **You’re upset your wife is angry** First off, you shouldn’t worry about her moods. Second, the end result of MRP is usually a happier wife but the process to get there sure doesn’t make her constantly happy. You’ll be upping your alpha and she’ll be shit testing you like crazy to make sure that you’re actually becoming fuckable. She’ll throw anger, tears, and scorn at you to see if she can find flaws in your frame. She'll say she's unhappy, that you're a cold asshole, that she needs love. Don’t expect her to welcome your changes, in fact she’ll fight them. There will also be times when she’s sweeter and more horny; it’s perfectly normal that she’ll be responding to your higher alpha one day then being a shit testing harpy bitch the next. Her cycle goes like this: * hmm, maybe he is more alpha than I though, better shit test him harder than last time * He passed, that’s hot! * Repeat Get used to the cycle. Learn to see her increased bitchiness as an interesting challenge to your frame, as flirting, as the lead up to better sex. It’s not until the Main Event that she’ll calm down and submit. Until then, expect a rollercoaster. &nbsp; **You think your wife is a puzzle you have to solve** Sometimes guys come on here and explain how his wife does X and maybe it’s a sign she wants Y. No, she doesn’t want Y. She wants what it says on the sidebar. She’s not a snowflake, she’s a human female who gets wet from alpha and comfort from beta. Even if she has physical or mental problems, she still functions like a human female. Her issues can result in other behaviors manifesting in addition to what we describe here on MRP, but it is in addition to. The fundamentals of attraction remain the same. &nbsp; **You’re angry at how women are** Yeah, it’s fucking unfair. Grow up and deal with it. No one gives a fuck about the female imperative or hypergamy outside of internet forums. Don’t talk about it, don’t get butthurt over it. It won’t fix you, it won’t improve your sexual strategy, it won’t convince your wife to become submissive. Also, no one cares that you wife should have told what made her wet, or that you should have figured it out yourself, or whatever is making you bitter. It's called the sunk cost fallacy because it's stupid to worry about it but for some reason we're wired to do so. Now be a man about it and move on. &nbsp; **You go rambo** Let’s first talk about what going rambo is not. It’s not putting all the effort you can into lifting, dieting, doing fun stuff, being social. Some guys suggest that going rambo is putting in too much effort. It’s not, effort is good. What is not good is expecting your wife to come around before you’ve seen the results of your work. Rambo is initiating too hard and getting angry at rejections, it’s talking dirty when your SMV can’t back it up, it’s thinking your wife is a bitch because she’s not submissive, it’s telling her to fuck you or fuck off because you’ve been hitting the gym for 2 months. Relax, man. You’re supposed to build attraction. Be more attractive, don’t rage or be creepy. &nbsp; **You won’t play dread** You have to play dread. That doesn’t mean walking around and overtly flirting with women. But you should be social, talkative, demonstrating high value and seeing women respond with IOIs towards you. There’s a number of reasons for this: your own abundance mentality, your wife’s response to experiencing it, and as a measure of whether or not you’re actually high value. If strangers aren’t sexually interested in you, why the fuck should your wife be? Lack of IOIs is a clear sign you’re still unattractive. &nbsp; **You half-ass it** Some guys waste months twiddling their thumbs, working out a bit, trying to be funny, then wonder why it isn’t working. Look, we’re not being hyperbolic when we talk about how we do things here. We can do one armed push ups. We grab our wives by the pussy. We make fun of them when they’re angry. We don’t give a fuck what they think. There’s a level of effort applied here that some guys for some reason think is unrealistic. It isn’t. Apply yourself. &nbsp; **You don’t switch into dominance and boundary enforcement** Eventually, she’ll be attracted to you but attraction will only take you so far. There will come a time when you have to become more dominant and enforce your boundaries. Some of her final resistance is next level shit testing, some is learned behaviors or issues she has. You have to power through that. Once she likes sex and affection from you, you’re going to plateau until you step it up and demand submission from her. Becoming a high quality man with a horny wife is just phase one.",,269,Sepean,2019-05-25 18:33:13 marriedredpill,bs6dzk,60 Days of Dread Week 8: Getting Social in your Exercise,"# Intro Dread level 3 is starting to build your life outside your wife. This is hard for a lot of guys here (including me). But it is ***critical*** to get out of the house at least twice a week MINIMUM and interact with other people. Without doing so, it’s damned near impossible to imagine a life without your wife. Once you start meeting others and realize that you’re an interesting person – you start to internalize “I’m the prize, look at all these people I can talk to and have fun with”. At the same time, you should be exercising (you better fucking be lifting already). By making efficient use of your most precious resource – your time, you can burn some calories and get more social. # Potential Activities **Team Sports** Find a local basketball, softball, ultimate frisbee, whatever league. If you have a few friends already, get some to join with you. If you don’t… join anyways. Don’t know how to play? Who cares, go have fun, make fun of yourself for being so bad. You easily can meet new people while having fun. Bonus if it’s co-ed as you can work on talking to the opposite sex. **Hiking** Look into if there’s a hiking group in your area. Most of these meet up at a few times a month and have a diverse group of people. If you like the outdoors – this could be perfect. **Martial Arts** For me, this is far and away the best activity to get you out. There are so many benefits: *You build a useful life skill (how to fight/defend yourself)* You’re a man, you are expected to know how to defend yourself and those weaker than you. If someone attacked your family while out and about – could you defend them? *There are a wide range of age groups* In my class there are teenagers up to 50+. There are also a few hot women which is a bonus. Get to know everyone. *You get a great workout* An hour of martial arts burns a shit load of calories. You’ll gain coordination and flexibility. The best sleep I get is Monday and Wednesday after Muay Thai. *It builds a huge amount of confidence* In the past, if someone started yelling in my face wherever it may be, I’d think “holy shit what if he hits me”. That goes away quickly when you know that you can defend yourself leading to more confidence. Don’t do anything stupid picking fights, but just internalizing this leads to a lot less fear in your life. *It is an emotional outlet to hit things and other people* Are you angry about your wife, job, life? You won’t be after an hour punching, kicking, or grappling. You’ll be too fucking tired. &#x200B; While any martial art probably works – I recommend BJJ, Muay Thai, or MMA. Something where you’re actively practicing against an opponent. Read about the different styles and find something that fits you. Take some time (like a week – not months) to research gyms in the area, price them out (some places can really be rips offs). The best places are usually the hole in the walls not the Mega-Complex Super Duper Martial Arts Academy. # Anxiety and You *“But I’m not any good at any of these things, I have no eye hand coordination and am a fat ass.”* You’re going to be nervous about starting anything new. The best way to overcome that is to just start. You may have a queasy stomach, your brain telling you you’re crazy to do this, fear of being embarrassed. Kill that ego. Everyone was new at some point and you’re not going out to be the next UFC champion or NBA star. You’re going out to HAVE FUN, get some exercise, and talk to other people. When you start anything new it’s uncomfortable – this is a good thing it means you’re improving yourself. The most important thing you can do is show up. Showing up is 95% of the battle because your brain will find every excuse not to – especially at the beginning. # Sticking with It As a general rule, I aim to stick with something for at least 6 months before allowing myself to drop it. At the beginning of martial arts, I hated how uncoordinated I was, how much better everyone was, how out of shape I was. I would have called it quits a few weeks in, but I pushed through. Fast forward six months and I can’t wait for the classes, I talk to people there, I know their names, we tease each other about shit. Oh, and I’m much more coordinated, as good or better than a few people, and in much better shape. So whatever the activity is, try to give yourself 6 months of consistent effort and showing up before you call it quits. And if you do call it quits, you’re quitting THAT activity and finding a NEW one. # Prepare for the Shit Testing You will be tested for whatever you do. Realize this is normal. At first it may be teasing you or eye rolls asking “how long will this last”. Think about it – you are a fat or lazy ass with no activities and now want to go out and do something physical (of course it's laughable)? I think my wife damned near had a heart attack and then laughed her ass off when I said I was going to Muay Thai (not that I was thinking about doing Muay Thai, that I was GOING there that evening). She doesn’t laugh now. She brags about it to her friends - there was some pictures taken of our class that she’s shared on her Instagram. Now, she asks me what I learned when I get back home. Think about it - does your wife want to tell other people: ""yeah my husband's lazy and just hangs around the house"" OR ""yeah my husband does Thai Kickboxing a few times a week"". One of these sounds a lot better than the other... Your woman wants you to be high value and busy. Ignore anything negative she says. Watch out for the attempts at guilt tripping you. “Oh is your martial arts tonight? Wouldn’t you rather stay home with me / the kids?”. DO NOT LISTEN TO YOUR WIFE. She loves it that you’re getting out and doing shit. # In Conclusion It’s not mandatory that you do any of these activities. What IS mandatory is you go out and get away from your wife and talk to other people. For the love of God, be social somewhere for a few hours a week. If you’re introverted – too bad – do it anyways. But if you want to kill the proverbial two birds with one stone – you can get some great cardio in while being social. It’s a lot of fun and very rewarding.",,62,[deleted],2019-05-23 18:21:03 marriedredpill,briu1i,Choose Wisely,"Essay: [https://therationalmale.com/2019/05/21/choose-wisely/](https://therationalmale.com/2019/05/21/choose-wisely/) &#x200B; Excerpt: &#x200B; **Making Choices** All of this presumes that a woman is in some way testing for a man’s potential. Even women’s autonomous shit testing is a confirmation of this. So yes, women do look for *potential* in men. Some better than others. The *Hypergamous Filter* is an imperfect tool which is exactly why women needed to mystify their feminine intuition in popular understanding. Men had to be kept in the dark as to a woman’s motives because their filters have always been intuitive guesswork. This is a vulnerability that men might exploit – with good Game for instance – if women were ever honest about it. Not all women can fuck the winners so they have to make calculated bets on men. This is also a reason women rely on social proof and the preselection cues of other women. If other women find a guy to be a ‘good bet’ it provides her a short cut to getting to intimacy. Again, Hypergamy cannot afford to miss out on a socially confirmed ‘good bet’. And yes, this is also a vulnerability in women’s vetting process that men with good Game regularly exploit. So, the tradeoff is this: when a woman is at her peak sexual market value (SMV) she has the leisure to fuck the winners at the finish line. The more her SMV decays the fewer her options become, and the more likely it is that her necessity requires her to make a ‘bet’ on a man’s future potential. This is the primary reason women opt for the *Beta in Waiting*around her *Epiphany Phase*. Necessity forces her to go with good potential. One of the ways feminism and female-primacy sabotages women’s ability to vet for good potential is in the mythology surrounding their sexual viability as they get older. Social conventions constantly reinforce the false idea that a woman’s SMV is indefinite – and by extension her agency over men should also be indefinite. This is why Blank Slate idealism and Social Constructionism are a preferred mythology for women. Without the Blank Slate a woman would be forced to accept the evolved realities of her sex. The Blank Slate is a prime source of women’s solipsistic denial of her own nature.",,47,Rollo-Tomassi,2019-05-22 01:44:58 marriedredpill,br7sg8,"Own Your Shit Weekly - May 21, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,30,AutoModerator,2019-05-21 08:24:31 marriedredpill,bqwt04,"[FR] Sort Of - [CN2] - Cliff Notes 2, For Intermediates: What Happens Next","[FR] Sort Of - [CN2] - Cliff Notes 2, For Intermediates: What Happens Next You’ve made it through CN1, [Cliff Notes - Primary Pointers for Beginners…](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/8jzyt7/cliff_notes_primary_pointers_for_beginners/) So what happens next? * You are prioritizing your needs. Always. Regardless of outcome. You have since learned how liberating this is. And how surprisingly easy it is. And how void-of-any-downside this is. You no longer feel guilty about your needs. You no longer barter for your needs. You no longer focus on someone else's needs. You no longer look at needs as anything other than something you own and are entitled too; you were born with them, they were anointed yours, and they are yours and yours alone. If you were prone to think of logic - which you now realize is often futile - you will appreciate how logical this really is - after all, you've been put on this planet earth for you, and only you, so why focus on anyone or anything else? * At the same time you will come to realize that the world is not logical, that logic can only take you so far, that the world is full of chaos, disorder, and anarchy, and that you must be - or at least be comfortable rolling with - chaos, disorder, and anarchy - especially if you want more than to simply succeed, but instead, to thrive and to win. I get it, your slide rule gets your spreadsheet done, but there's more to life than your fucking spreadsheets. * You are a demanding mother-fucker. You are bossing your wife around. You are even pushing her around, sexually. You will push her boundaries, sexually. She will surprise you - perhaps - and push your own. You won't (1) second-guess this, (2) over-think this, (3) wonder why she's doing this, (4) ask questions about her past sexuality, or (5) wonder - as so many of you assholes so regularly do - if she's [a] cheating, [b] thinking about cheating, [c] contemplating cheating, [d] analyzing cheating, [e] looking at photos of nude men, [f] dreaming of cock, [g] browsing plenty of fish, [h] dialing hook-up numbers at the back of the times, or the like - but instead - you will simply enjoy it. E-N-J-O-Y. There's no ""wondering,"" ""speculating,"" or ""worrying"" in enjoy. * You might even realize that the dude who wrote - last week - in this same sub - that you can't have as much passion twenty years into a relationship - or 15 in my case - as you could at the beginning - might possibly be wrong - and that some people can actually have more - way more. It's weird, perhaps, but it's true. I wouldn't have believed it myself. * At the same time, you will stop focusing on your wife anyway and instead focus elsewhere, perhaps even too much, reminding you occasionally not to get your dumbass back in this same position again, and reminding you further, maybe, that you were prone to ignoring her in the first place and, hey, look where that got you. Your shit is so together, now, that all you need is the brief reminder and nothing more. While perhaps putting on a belt was hard for your prior, you are now juggling a hundred things, even a thousand, and prioritizing and executing and succeeding. So all you need is that one simple reminder and nothing more. No longer is the proverbial ship hurtling towards inevitable wreck on a dark and stormy night; instead, you simply adjust, you move, and you evolve. * Your body will be holy-fucking-shit hot. Even to you. Yes, you will be surprised by how hot your body is. You will think ""damn, I used to envy a body like this on the cover of a magazine like that"" and then one day you will catch your reflection in the mirror, or the passing pane of a bus stop, or in the window of a nearby parked car, and you will think ""holy shit."" You might instinctively want to think lots of other things but you are, simply, amazed. Stunned even. This is perhaps the hundredth time you've had such a thought, but this time it hits you hard. * If you've been thinking things like ""holy shit"" then you will start thinking even crazier things, like ""look how fucking muscular my neck is and how good I look wearing v-collars - not dumbass musclebound meathead asshole v-collars down to your waist - but cool v-collars that you'd see on a part-time model sunbathing in Formentera on a warm summer's day."" * Above all, though, you won't fucking think ""damn, if only""… * ""If only I'd done this sooner."" * ""If only I'd done that sooner."" * ""If only."" * ""If."" * Fuck that sailor. Even if you're not a sailor, like stony was, fuck that. * Speaking of which, you stop catastrophizing in general. Yah, that's a word. And a behavior. Sure those reactionary behaviors were helpful once when you lived in fear for your life each day because a sabre tooth tiger had been hunting your tribe since you left eastern Mongolia, but shit dude, they're not so helpful today just because your TPS reports aren't ready. * Back to the v-neck above, you will occasionally think ""damn, I've become shallow and I am focused on looks and muscles and veins and protein powder and creatine and testosterone and my neck"" and that will only last a minute - and those minutes will become even smaller over time - turning into mini-minutes - and you'll think ""fuck you asshole of course you are hot and of course your neck looks good and right now I have the hottest neck amongst this sea of collared-shirt-wearing, not-so-good-neck-showing assholes, and you know what, that's the goddamn real way of the world and that's my reality and that's the way it should be and forever will be."" * And your wife, whose past boyfriend was a bodybuilder, whom she injected in the ass on the regular, well, she is insanely hot over your body. My body. Shit, how'd my wife get into this. Well, we'll give her one entry and that's it. *My body makes her wet.* * Oh, and since the wife got one mention I have to point out how you won't think ""wow, do I make her as wet as her hot, bodybuilding ex-boyfriend?"" You won't think that because you're neither (1) an asshole, nor (2) an inbred west virginia coal miner, nor (3) an anemic homosexual dumbass who doesn't know his ass from his elbow, nor are you (4) a douchebag who knows by heart the lines of every rick and morty show and where all the loot is hidden in fortnite… fuck you. * If you have struggled with X, or Y, or Z, then you will have conquered those struggles. Why? Because you have finally recognized, months, maybe years ago, that those struggles, perhaps struggles with addiction, were defining you, and maybe they were beating you down, and maybe they were even defeating you until that day you chose to win, to win it all, to win at all costs, and let nothing defeat you. That thing you want, to be the best man you can be, it is your new mission, or maybe it was always your mission, but now you're like the bionic man who can beat anyone and anything, even the bionic sasquatch, so you have a bionic mission. Just remember, though, your mission is but a part of your larger vision, and your vision is the most important of all. It took you years, but you finally figured that out. * You will write a post like this and for a brief moment you will think of the dumbass blue pill - stupidest phrase ever - next to red pill - assholes who will look at this post and criticize, and point out how pathetic you are, and they'll have lots of valid and logical and understandable reasons why - and you will realize that many men thinking that would love a day in your shoes and many women would love more - even if, of course, they cannot admit that and never will 'till their dying days - even if, further, they can't even appreciate the error of their ways because they have not traveled along the path you have traveled - they have not scaled the mountain you have scaled - and they have not arrived at the promised land - a land that - with jaded eyes and a clouded heart - you yourself did not believe in when simply putting one foot in front of the other so long ago. * You will find within you the mastery of your mind, that beguiling beast of a creature that has martyred you for years. You will find satisfaction. You will find peace. You will learn to conquer your mind and understand that it is but one part amongst many, a piece of a larger whole, and you may even learn to turn down the noise, and tune the radio to one station instead of listening to them all at the same time, drowning out your mission and your vision with so much rumbling in the background. * But you will not be satisfied with that peace because you are chasing something larger, something fleeting, something running faster than your own abilities to harness it. But you will chase it down and defeat it - and that is the next big thing, the next new adventure, and the next world to conquer. p.s. This is real. No homo, homo. p.p.s. One last point, for advanced^3 - next chapter, next year - which this in some ways already is - understanding that I rode the expedited route, sort of like the crazy train: You fear nothing. You fear no one. You live for yourself. You conquered that one last thing that challenged you - anhedonia - and you suspect it took nothing more than an increase in testosterone. Real anhedonia. Real adrenal fatigue. And real - and insane - results. All with a little injection. Of course that came after you conquered your early death itself, which took a little longer and was a little harder. But did result in what you were looking for. Shit. You will approach any woman at any time. You will defend yourself and your family under any and all circumstances. You will not put up with shit, ever, while remaining cognizant of the craziness in the hearts and minds of men. You will beat your opponents, you will catchup to those who have lapped you, you will want it more than anyone else, whatever that ""it"" may be. You actually believe all this crazy shit above. But, balancing the scales, you look back and realize ""I've conquered so much, so often, so hard, and so furiously"" and wonder ""what more is there to conquer"" and you'll go fucking find it and you'll do it and in the process you'll do her and you'll do her a lot. **(Shit, she showed up again. Well, I have to remember my audience.)** p.p.p.s. If you don't like my post, go fuck yourself and regret your behavior after - keeping in mind that I curse you to a life of mediocrity and servitude. Besides, if you really don't like my post then I bet even your kids don't respect you. And, your parents are not proud of you. Plus, your boss is gonna give that raise to the other dude, even worse the intern. As for your TPS reports, well, fuck you, they suck. No one would ever create an entire television series around your shitty reports. You probably like golf instead of football. And in the world of golf you are more like that asian girl than Tiger Woods, asshole.",,76,johneyapocalypse,2019-05-20 15:14:01 marriedredpill,bq3rez,Handling a Fearful-Avoidant Wife,"I have a fearful-avoidant wife and over the years I’ve learnt a lot about handling it - what to do and what not to do. I’ve given advice to some other men here with FA wives and it works. If you’re not aware of what’s going on, FA can really throw you for a loop. She’s sweet, you stroke her hair - suddenly she’s disgusted with you. She’s an utter bitch and saying horrible things that makes you want to kick her out of the house - but soon after she’s all submissive and wants to suck your dick. That’s a classic cycle for an FA girl: you being nice which makes her mean which makes you angry which makes her nice which makes you nice, repeat. &nbsp; **What is Fearful-Avoidance** A person with FA has low self-esteem and high distrust of others. They realize they need and want intimacy, but when they are in a relationship that starts to get close, their fear and mistrust surfaces and they distance. If your wife is fearful-avoidant, you will likely have seen a cycle of you being nice which makes her mean which makes you angry which makes her nice which makes you nice, repeat. She also likely reacts with disgust or distancing to signs of affection like cuddling or intimate talks. This describes it well: [https://jebkinnison.com/bad-boyfriends-the-book/fearful-avoidant/](https://jebkinnison.com/bad-boyfriends-the-book/fearful-avoidant/) I can also recommend this book: [https://www.amazon.co.uk/Attachment-Across-Lifecourse-Brief-Introduction/dp/023029359X](https://www.amazon.co.uk/Attachment-Across-Lifecourse-Brief-Introduction/dp/023029359X), it will give you a deeper understanding but it isn’t big on actionable advice. It helped my wife reading it, and it helped with how we raise our kids. If either or both of you have insecure attachment styles, for the sake of your kids read this book so you don’t pass on your dysfunction to them. Attachment theory is one of the best researched and most well documented areas of psychology outside of pathological conditions, it isn’t just some pseudo-scientific mumbo-jumbo. Don’t confuse it with attachment parenting though, that is just some homegrown stuff (seems designed to sell books to moms seeking to justify their overprotective parenting iirc). &nbsp; **Make sure she is FA before taking this advice** FA girls are a special bunch - don’t make the diagnosis to cover up your own shortcomings and then proceed to fuck shit up. Secure girls won’t react well to this. There is an excellent test for general attachment style here (this is a real psychology test based on thousands of subjects across 60+ countries) [http://www.web-research-design.net/cgi-bin/crq/crq.pl](http://www.web-research-design.net/cgi-bin/crq/crq.pl) &nbsp; **The MRP playbook is still king** MRP is still the foundation. It’s still about SMV, frame and game. She’s still a woman, and AWALT. The way to think about FA is that 95% of the time everything is normal, but certain things will trigger abnormal behavior in her. And don’t fall into the trap of using her FA as an excuse for your failings. *If she's not fucking you, it's because your SMV is low, period.* &nbsp; **The limits to happiness with an FA partner** This is not a guide that will make everything rosy. That’s not an option if your wife is FA. All the literature I’ve seen suggests these people simply can’t make relationships work. With MRP tools you’re at another level and it can become good, but FA is a serious issue that won’t go away. Manage your expectations and focus on mitigation, not cure. If marriage is hard mode, FA is nightmare mode. Not all the time, there will be plenty of good periods, but there will be absolutely awful periods. &nbsp; **Understanding the fearful response** When her fearful response triggers, that’s pretty simple. She is hit harder by the fear of losing you, and she’ll become more needy and try harder to get you to stay. It’s worth remembering when she’s freaking out about something - there’s a fearful response at the end of it that will pull her back. &nbsp; **Understanding the avoidance response** The avoidance response is more complicated. She’s still a woman, she still wants intimacy and comfort. But these very things can trigger her avoidance response. Deep inside, an FA feels there’s something unlovable or even repulsive about her, and if you ever find out her true nature you’ll leave her. This means that when she feels the level of intimacy grows, she’ll begin to panic with a bizarre fear of you discovering her true nature and being disgusted with her, and when her feelings grow stronger she’ll fear the (to her) inevitable separation will just end up hurting more. The reaction is to push you away and reduce the intimacy. Major avoidance episodes get so bad that part of her wants out of the relationship, but the fearful response keeps her from actually ending it. She’ll try to provoke or taunt you to end it instead - saying she’ll never be able to live up to your expectations, that you might as well end it, she’ll say stuff she knows you hate or that disgusts you. Don’t ever give her ultimatums about what she can’t say in arguments, like “if you threaten to leave again, we’re over”. When her avoidance response takes over, she *wants* you to end it. She can’t and won’t do it herself, but if she can goad you into it, that’s an easy out. She’ll regret it once her avoidance episode ends, but in the heat of the moment she feels differently about it. She’ll also say the stuff you hate to hear the most, stuff that will make you disgusted with her. Your core values, she’ll belittle them, she’ll shit on whatever identity you have of being a family man. Don’t give her ammunition - don’t tell her what really gets to you or what disgusts you, don’t tell her she can’t say shit like that again, even during calm times. Opening up about these things or warning her is giving her the argument manual for the next major avoidance episode. This is important, so I’ll say it again: during major avoidance episodes, she’ll try to ruin the relationship, she’ll try to drive you away. She’ll say anything and everything. She’ll regret it later, but you’ll have to live with what she said. Telling her what you absolutely can’t live with her saying is exactly what she’ll be yelling at you in the future. The avoidance response also sends her hamster on overdrive, it’ll warp reality far beyond the normal hamstering and there is no talking it down. &nbsp; **Minimizing daily avoidance stress** Signs of affecting like cuddling, stroking her hair, intimate talks, they stress her out, so you should stop it. Instead, be her oak. She can cuddle up to your chest, but don’t be affectionate back. Protecting her and the body language that goes with it is fine, seeking intimacy is not (by intimacy I mean the emotional kind, it’s not an euphemism for sex or flirting). Grabbing or groping her is also fine. It’s the emotional intimacy that makes her scared - it’s fine that her man is dominant, protective and sexually interested in her. It’s like she has a hideous scar under her shirt - don’t make her fear you’re going to lift it up and look at it. Once she gets comfortable knowing you won’t probe deeper, she’ll have a much easier time cuddling up to you and showing weakness and need of comfort. If on the other hand you teach her that you’ll get affectionate when she is, she’ll refrain from it. Even if she needs comfort, you shouldn’t try to pass comfort tests it with too much intimacy. It is much better to fail a comfort test than trigger her avoidance. Try to get a feel for what she can handle - hopefully a hug and a kind word won’t trigger it. The best way to provide comfort is often just doing non-intimate beta. Work on the house, do something with the kids. That shows you’re there for her and the family without triggering avoidance. If she’s throwing a comfort test, it is often better to go clean something than to talk to her. &nbsp; **Withdrawing affection** We often recommend guys with a misbehaving wife to withdraw affection but continue owning his shit. The problem with an FA wife is that not showing her any attention but still doing stuff around the house and with the kids is probably the state she is most comfortable in. In MRP this may be the default OI behavior for her not living up to your standards, and women without attachment issues will become slightly uncomfortable and seek to regain some attention, but an FA wife will not do that. To correct her behavior you will have to ""check out"". You emotionally check out of the relationship for a period. Leave the house. Be selfish. Shift chores you'd do unto her. Hog the TV and watch stuff she doesn't like. You need to do this more often and for smaller things than secure girls. Make her earn her way back in your good favor. And don't be afraid to ramp it up, go really cold and aloof - at this point the other end of her attachment issues begin to work in your favor. The fearful response kicks in and she will freak out more than women without attachment issues and be willing to do more to get back in your favor. As always be careful of not seeming butthurt since that isn't sexy, shoot for something more along the lines of her not living up to your expectations, so why does it matter what she wants. Down the line I had to stay disappointed for longer even as she tried to earn her way back in, because she seemed to get the idea she could be a bitch and then just fuck me when she wanted me back. If you’re new to MRP, reward good behavior right away, but you may have to change tactics later to beat her girl game. &nbsp; **The curse of high alpha and being happy** Surprisingly, the real problem with an FA wife shows when you’re further in the process, when your alpha is high and she’s being submissive. At this point, she’s more attracted to you and loves you more. For someone with FA, that just means the stakes are that much higher for when you finally “figure her out and dump her”. It’s more avoidance stress. Submissiveness is a very intimate experience, again an avoidance trigger. You’re happy with your sweet, submissive and kinky wife - but for an FA that triggers feelings of suspicion and mistrust. They deeply believe there is something wrong with them and you being happy with her makes her fear that you’ll soon figure out her true nature and it ends. I have seen a clear pattern that whenever I felt that life with her was really good, a major avoidance episode was coming. We’re talking her breaking stuff, assaulting me, threatening to take the kids away, saying the vilest shit you can imagine. This is by far the worst problem with FAs. All the other stuff is manageable, but that your relationship being really good is in itself what breaks it, how do you get around that? I tried being less alpha for a period, and while that saw a real reduction in avoidance behavior, I couldn’t live with it. It felt fake, and I missed the high levels of submissiveness and kinkyness from her. The solution is to never be content. In this case, good is the enemy of perfect, and even of good itself. There’s no standing still, no enjoying what you’ve achieved from her, with her. Always be dominating and demanding. Expect more from her. When she gets everything you asked for right, expect more. She will try to fuck everything up the second you’re happy with what you have. It’s not that you have to be grumpy all the time. Think more of it like the entrepreneur that loves what he’s doing, loves his business and leads his employees well and celebrates success, but he’s always fucking pushing for more from everyone around him. Don’t settle for less. If you’re happy and content, you’re seconds from disaster. &nbsp; **Overcoming sexual inhibition** FA girls have low self esteem - they don’t think they’re good enough, and they don’t trust that people will react well to what they do. This means major inhibition. Even when they’re turned on, they’ll hide their feelings and control their expression. Like insecure teenagers make weird faces when their picture is taken (better goof off instead of taking the risk trying to look pretty), they’ll do the equivalent in bed and be purposefully silly or awkward. It’s incredibly hard to get them to loosen up. The problem is rarely any physical boundaries, they’ll be up for trying most stuff. The problem is usually all the emotional stuff like eye contact, moaning, sexy body language. On top of those inhibitions, there are the classic FA insecurities: what if she tries her best and that isn’t enough for you, and the fear of deep emotional connection in itself. The basis of all of this is still your SMV: alpha, frame, game, looks. Don’t try to force shit you don’t have the SMV to back up. But you will need to push her more than other girls. You need to have talks with her, explain exactly what you expect. You need to be dominant with her. You need to not accept less than her best performance. Start with one thing, tell her exactly how you want her to do that thing. If she doesn't, tell her again - if she messes it up (she'll do that on purpose), correct it. When she doesn't comply, put on your pants an leave. Check out, and be frank that you're not interested in someone not willing to put in effort to please you. Repeat with the next thing. We're talking small stuff, like tongue action during BJs is one thing, lots of saliva is another, etc. Increasing alpha and SMV only got my wife from ""low libido"" to horny but very inhibited. Then I had to wear down each of her inhibitions, now she'll talk technique while sucking dick, she licks my nipples while riding me, etc. Being OI about it and hoping it'll get better just by having high SMV will get you nowhere or at best it improves so slowly you hardly notice, you'll just be disappointed with her performance forever. Push it and push hard, one thing at a time. There's a lot to go through, it'll take time even if you go at it, so might as well get started once you have the SMV for it. The toughest part is when sex is only really good and you have to put on your pants and walk out because you want it to be super awesome. It’s hard to walk out on good sex, but if you don’t it is not likely to get better no matter how much you increase your SMV. You’re dealing with strong fears and inhibitions, it takes some pushing to get her out of her comfort zone. The good news is, if you put in the effort it works. She can get comfortable doing new stuff and learn to approach it with enthusiasm and pride. &nbsp; **Dealing with avoidance episodes** Her avoidance is triggered badly, and she’s being an utter bitch, trying to taunt you to end it. What do you do? Her hamster goes into overdrive, the stuff she’ll imagine is like something from a paranoid schizophrenic. If you STFU, she’ll take it to mean she’s right. If you A&A it, she’ll take it literally. You have to counter any unreasonable accusations - once. It might be DEERing, but if you don’t you’ll have to deal with a deeply rooted delusion. After that, the usual shit testing methods apply, just be careful with the A&A as she takes it literally, and remember what I said about avoiding ultimatums. Don’t give any ground, and under no circumstance go for comfort and affection - that just makes it worse, the real problem here is her avoidance, not what she’s accusing you of, including that you don’t love her. Correct her once, matter of factly, then pressure flip or whatever. Don’t fall into the trap of showing affection during an avoidance episode. Another thing I’ve found works well is just being laid back about it and saying she’s so predictable - “we got close, so you freaked out, and tomorrow you’ll be all sweet trying to make it up to me. Just like last time. It’s not like what you’re feeling now is relevant.” If she’s on her way to go really off the deep end, don’t hold your temper back. Just go full caveman angry. If she’s going there, it is better for you to go off early, otherwise her shit just keeps getting meaner and meaner until she crosses a hard boundary. And trust me, her crossing hard boundaries is not fun, you both have to live with what was said and some shit just erodes your connection. Put a stop to it early, get angry and/or leave. The bad episodes usually take 1-3 days for me. In the end, she comes to her senses by you yanking on the fearful chain, it’s not until she fears she’s losing you she’ll back down. One way or the other, that’s where you end up so even though she’ll act like the sky is falling and your marriage is over for sure, it’s just warm air. Don’t worry, her fearful response yanks her back in. And the fearful response is strong, she’ll do exactly what you like. It’s a good time to work on her inhibitions. &nbsp; **Dread and jealousy** FAs are very mistrusting and prone to jealousy. Dread still has its place, but go up the dread scale slower than you normally would. Less will do more for you, and too much will set off a much worse reaction. When combined with avoidance, jealousy will kick into absolute overdrive and reach pathological levels. Be really careful with any level of dread if intimacy is high. &nbsp; **A great life with a fearful-avoidant wife?** It’s doable. You need to get your SMV up, like any other man, and you’ll get a sweet and submissive wife. But you need to put in a ton of work to overcome her inhibitions, one at a time. You need to manage intimacy levels and never get content. You’ll likely still see bad avodiance episodes, say once or twice a year, and at high SMV they’re much, much worse than what you saw previously. The main trick here is to not reveal to her how she can really piss you off, and to shut the episodes down quickly - three days of escalating provokation is much worse than one. But put in the work and 95% of the time, things are great. She's sweet, we touch and kiss a lot during the day, at any time I can unzip and she’ll give a BJ like a camgirl, she’s lively and enthusiastic during sex. The other 5% range from annoying to a nightmare, and you just have to suck that up if you want to live with a fearful-avoidant wife. **UPDATE 4 YEARS LATER:** It's been years since there was a real avoidant episode. Consistently applying the principles outlined above really help. I suspect that whatever you do, if you're upping your SMV you're increasing the emotional connection and that'll trigger avoidance, but once you've peaked, time and consistency can make things stable and easy.",,98,Sepean,2019-05-18 13:01:40 marriedredpill,bp491f,[FR] My Main Event,"**The Realization** I wrote this once through with full back story, since I hadn't shared full details of my story in one narrative yet. It ended up being way to fucking long. So I cut out the ""Here's why my story is special"" preamble [and put it in last week's OYS]( https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/bj0vtc/own_your_shit_weekly_april_30_2019/embwh4w/ ). I've been around long enough to know that every story is basically the same, and probably doesn't change much with regard to this post. But if you want my 'here's why I'm special', it's posted at the link. To get to where I am right now took just short of 3 years. Audible says I bought The Rational Male in July 2016, which is what I count as my real starting point. A more aggressive, less introspective person probably could go faster. But it took me this long to get here, and I don't know that I could have gotten to this point any sooner. Over those 3 years, my own life got immeasurably better. My marriage got better, it had its fits and starts, but I found it generally satisfying. A recent...regression...for lack of a better term, made me realize my level of dissatisfaction. Or maybe it made me realize I have been shooting too low. I assessed myself, and decided it was time to get out there and actually test my options. I had been 100% faithful my wife since 1999. But recently I was out of town a few times, so I started using dating apps on the road. Out of state, Tinder, hotel, Yadda yadda. After that experience, the thing that I could never quite articulate about my married sex life hit me square in the face. I couldn't ever reconcile why I found sex with my wife dissatisfying, despite the fact that it was as frequent as I could physically handle, and better than it had been in a long time. And the thing with Tinder gal made me realize....My wife is happy to get fucked by me. She's happy to let my dick please her. And make no mistake, I get off on pleasing her. But she gets nothing out of pleasing me. She'll do it - she'll reciprocate, and it's fine. Not starfishy anymore. But there's a stark difference between the ONS chick enthusiastically seeking it out and a wife who is simply ""willing"" to do it. And once I experienced the difference, this thing that I couldn't quite figure out was clear as day. This is 101 stuff for the RP aware married man, but you just don't know until you actually know. And so now, I actually know. **The Setup** Since having this realization about willing vs. enthusiastic, my desire to fuck my wife cratered. Starting about 2 weeks after I got back from that last trip. We didn't have sex for about 2-3 weeks. It wasn't anger. It wasn't butthurt. It just wasn't there. And I knew that, in order to come to some sort of resolution, I was going to need to have a Main Event. For me to actually get what I want - one way or the other - there was going to have to be a conversation. The time of simple subcommunication and leading was over. So I started sketching out my stance and what I had to say. I'm glad I did this, because I'm terrible off the cuff speaker. Having an indexed list of talking points made this much more coherent for me. It helps me to not ramble, and to not attack the person I'm talking to with those unproductive ""you never X, and you always Y"" tit for tats. I also knew I couldn't be the one to bring up the talk - I had forced 'the sex talk' too many times in my past. And if I had sat her down and talked at her, this would just come across as another ploy to manipulate her. So I continued to decline her initiations, and wait it out. The merp keyboard alpha may disagree with my not initiating the talk, but it was a tactical decision. This wasn't about me spitting out a monologue to jerk myself off. I wanted there to be a conversation, and so there needed to be a real opening. The opening is only there if she wants to have the conversation. Also, knowing the conversation was inevitable, it took the urgency off the table for me. I had framed this as ""by the end of May, I'm going to know if I'm getting divorced"". And so, I was cool with letting it happen on its own terms. **The Main Event** We had a nice beginning to Easter weekend. Spent the Saturday out landscaping together, had a cool project turn out pretty well. Had a nice Sunday with our families. After we got home, she initiated sex again. Again, I declined. Then she said, ""Are we ever going to have sex again?"" I give her a look - ""I'm not sure this is a conversation I want to have today"". ""Tell me....are you divorcing me? Did you find someone else?"" .....OK, timing isn't perfect, but now is the time. I walked her into our bedroom and said my piece. Essentially this: * What I want in my life is a woman that gives herself to me sexually. All of her. I don't want obligated compliance with what I want. I want a woman who *wants* to please me. I don't know if it's the baggage of our past, that you don't trust me, that you're too familiar with me, or that you think there's some sort of sexual retirement coming for you post 40. But this isn't something that will get out of my system. It is who I am as a man. For a long time in my life, I didn't understand it - I was never able to articulate it to you. I thought it made me a selfish person for wanting it from you. But I understand it now, and I'm not ashamed of it. I'm telling you that in my life, I am going to pursue this. * Our sex life right now can be summed up as this: You allow me to please you. Much of the time, I am fine with that. Pleasing you pleases me. And so as long as I keep my head in the space of getting my pleasure from pleasing you, I enjoy myself. But when I want something other than what pleases you, I am left cold. This isn't about having a list of the places I want to put my dick, and my mouth, and your mouth, and we check the boxes. This is about how I want someone who seeks out what I want and is excited to be the person who gets to do it with me. * I allowed you to hold the cards all this time, by taking my options off the table. But when it dawned on me that all I will ever get is to be allowed to please you, my willingness to go along with these terms shriveled and died. I'm telling you now that I know what cards I hold. (I took my shirt off) Look at me - this is what your husband looks like. I know what options I have, and if you ever pay attention when we're out in public, I know you know what I could find in an hour if I walked out the front door looking for it. * I always wanted this with you. I like our life, our kids, our house, and I like you. But my life will not be what I want it to be without this. I want it more than I want it to be with you. So I spit all that out, mostly coherently. While I talked, she actually agreed with everything I said. She butted in with a few ""but I was stressed about...."" . ""But you just..."", I held my ground said - ""I'm not arguing about this. Excuses mean this isn't a priority for you. Which is fine - it's fine if this isn't you. I'm telling you what I'm going to have in my life"". We had a mature conversation about how to potentially proceed. I did not expect her to handle this well - she's the type who shuts down at any real criticism. And she made a pretty frank point about how maybe we're just together because we're together (together since we were both in HS). So maybe someone else might be better for me. I reiterated that she always had first crack at me, and how this is about having the sexual relationship that I want, and that I like our life otherwise. Her next comment was ""Well what if I try all this and it's still not enough for you."" I held my ground again - ""If this is something you have to try, I don't want it. Either you are going to be this person or you aren't."" Then she said ""Well I'd like to see if I can"", and started undressing. I didn't decline her initiation this time and went with it. **Aftermath and Analysis** So right there, we had sex....during which I blew past some of her prior boundaries and she was hot for it all, not a word or even hesitation. And this continued in the immediate aftermath. I'm under no impression that this is the new normal. Hysterical bonding, for sure. But it was fun to play in this end of the pool with her. For a bit, anyway. If I were to describe what I want vs what I'm getting, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference. I can't quite put my finger on it. The desire seems genuine, but it still feels forced. Stoney likes that old 'naugahide remorse' post. This feels like a naugahyde imitation of the sex life I want. /u/Persaeus said to me on my background post ""Once you've had filet, you won't want to go back to hamburger"". And that is true. I know that's a big part of it. My wife's even offering the special reserve hamburger she didn't realize she had. It's still less than satisfying. In addition to that, I continue to be struck by how she dropped the ""maybe we're just together because we're together"" thing in the conversation. Seemed to me to be a rehearsed line. Something she'd been thinking, not something she just spit out off the cuff. Either an out-loud rationalization by her to make herself OK with me potentially leaving, or a blatant hint that I should kill the puppy. The mrp commenter in me sees ""kill the puppy"", but the guy close to the situation doesn't. So this is where I stand today. I thought the Main Event would be the resolution - either I get what I want, or I move on. And instead, I'm getting exactly what I asked for and it's not turning out to really be what I want. I intended to end the post here chronologically. But the situation appears to be still developing....So I'll just stop off here. I'm in a new phase here, and so I'm sure I have some massive blind spots. Appreciate the feedback I got on my other post. I'll appreciate whatever comes out of this one.",,84,Reach180,2019-05-15 22:01:00 marriedredpill,bod4at,"Fuck You , that’s why","Welcome back to another episode of what kind of shit can old Scurve ( those who know me from back then ) stir up. Nah. You wouldn’t believe me if I told you I had a good college educated girl want to get tied up and fucked with a knife. Now. No one was injured. Relax. This isn’t about sex. Not directly. It’s not about your wife. Or your job. Or your kids. Or that single mom you’re trying to fuck on the side. It’s not about creating drama. Not directly. It’s about power dynamics in any relationship. Love. Work. Anything in between. There is only one secret to this whole thing. Not giving a fuck and being willing to walk away. From anything. Fuck you. I said willing. I didn’t tell you to divorce her. That’s your choice. Here’s the deal. One of the reasons we tell you to go lift is to give you confidence about doing hard things. The reason we say to get money to walk away from your shitty job is to make it logistically easier to do so. But nothing can help you if you’re not willing to say “ fuck it “ and walk away when you’re not happy with the company you keep. If you’re not willing to burn that shit down - it’s all for nothing and you’ll still be in your dead bedroom. If you can’t tell your scared inner boy “ fuck you, talk to women” - I don’t care how jacked you are. I’ve seen too many jacked guys who are in the 1k club, 9% bf be scared to talk to girls to still believe that’s all it takes. Build your inner game. Be willing to take a risk. Be willing to open a girl up with “ nice shoes , wanna Fuck?” Jus for laughs. ( this works waay more often than it has any right to). So do the work that makes you able to say “fuck it “ and walk away. Thank me later. Fuck you.",,127,Taipanshimshon,2019-05-14 02:46:05 marriedredpill,bog4bn,"Own Your Shit Weekly - May 14, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,19,AutoModerator,2019-05-14 08:24:30 marriedredpill,bn6p2b,Crosspost from TRP: Chateau Heartiste is GONE,"[Chateau Heartiste Has Been Shuttered in What Appears to be WordPress' Opening Salvo as They Join the Greater Tech Censorship War.](https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/bn48oi/chateau_heartiste_has_been_shuttered_in_what/) &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; * [Link to the Wayback Machine Heartiste archives](https://web.archive.org/web/*/http://Heartiste.wordpress.com/)",,58,rocknrollchuck,2019-05-11 01:49:48 marriedredpill,blo4qu,"Own Your Shit Weekly - May 07, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,31,AutoModerator,2019-05-07 08:24:29 marriedredpill,bliz70,False Positives,"Essay: [https://therationalmale.com/2019/05/06/false-positives/](https://therationalmale.com/2019/05/06/false-positives/) &#x200B; Admire the Hustle. We read this a lot in the Manosphere among the guys who fancy themselves *entrepreneurs*. I think one reason critics think the Red Pill is negative is because all they see is the Hustle. The Hustle has a way of becoming the whole point of anything. *I’m an abortion doctor, but I make six figures and I’m the best at what I do. No one will out-work me. Admire the Hustle baby.* When the selling is more important the the product itself, then you have problems. When the truth is less important than the Hustle inevitably our truth becomes the Hustle. There needs to be a balance and that’s getting harder and harder to find now. We’re at a moment in the Manosphere where the truth is starting to get lost in the Hustle. I’m accused of it, or I’m accused of associating with ‘too much Hustle’. Well-meaning colleagues with too much perception and not enough information are *feeling* that salesmen care more about the sale than the product. I hear you. Let me finish here by reiterating that my obligation to objective truth will always be my motivation for doing ***anything*** I put my name on. It always has been. However, I have worked for amazing companies who sold things that people loved and enjoyed only to watch them crumble and die because the sales team assumed control of the ‘product’. The selling became more important than what was being sold. My books, my blog, my appearances, every aspect of *The Rational Male* is my art. I craft each essay. It’s what I care about most. I will never allow the truth to be compromised by the Hustle. The Hustle is important, particularly when it’s about disseminating the truth, but it is secondary to the truth – even to the exception of the Hustle. Sometimes the truth doesn’t sell.",,23,Rollo-Tomassi,2019-05-06 22:58:00 marriedredpill,bkzcv4,MRP Year Two - I Guess This Is Growing Up,"Two years ago today, I discovered MRP and swallowed the pill. I've made plenty of mistakes, but I've never taken my foot off the gas since I unplugged. I started with internal changes, avoided going Rambo, and implemented slow change in myself over the course of months and years. First and foremost: I am happier and healthier than I have ever been - even though the past year has been one of the hardest of my life. I have more responsibility, more discipline, and more freedom than I've ever enjoyed. I am deeply grateful. * **Rule 1: MRP works as a sexual strategy**. Early on, I forced myself to cold approach, get numbers, catch and release, get shut down, practice, calibrate. I went out alone to approach women, went out with new friends who didn't know I was married. I got phone numbers and made bold plans, had dates in the hot tub and made out under the ferris wheel. I met women and refused to buy them drinks, I snuck away into alleys with pretty girls who loved their boyfriends. In year two, I realized that having a woman in my life brings a kind of balance and benefit that far exceeds just sexual gratification or validation. Now I'm focused on implementing more authentic strategies and attracting women through honesty, but the foundation set by RSD and Day Bang (and similar resources) helped get me to this point. Women react differently to me now - and I remembered what it was like to be desired by a woman, and to give my attention to her as a gift (rather than supplication or a Covert Contract). In my second year, I spent a lot less time masturbating (about twice a month). I also noticed that my sexual tastes started changing when I spent less time looking at porn, and more time getting laid in real life. * In Year Two of MRP, **my wife asked me if I would ever cheat**. I told her honestly that I wished I could say ""No"". But I told her that the truth was, it would take a lot for me to cheat. It was true then, it's still true when she asks me now. * In my second year of MRP, I kept my beard long all year - and now I wish I'd started sooner. I started seeing my dentist, flossing every day, and using a face lotion that is meant for faces (not just the same body lotion I put on my arms). I bought a tongue scraper, and continued working on my posture. I got my testosterone levels checked last year (6.04 ng/mL) and this year (6.43 ng/mL), both are ""normal"" but not as high as I'd like. I continued going to the gym 4/5 times every week, ate clean, consumed a lot of protein shakes. I'm still scrawny, but I look great naked. I cut some fat (155lbs, 12%BF), and added 20 pounds to my max benchpress (190lb 5x5). I bought a lot of new underwear - the good stuff; my wife rolls her eyes, other girls love them. After 9 months, during a routine hair cut I was told that the finasteride is working - lots of new growth means my hairline is advancing again before it could get noticabley thin up front. * In year two of MRP, **I stopped wearing my wedding ring**. Wearing it was a ""right"" thing that I was doing for the wrong reasons, which is exacly what I told my wife when she finally asked me about it. It's also what I repeat broken-record when she occasionally shit tests me about it now. I put my ring back on for a special family event honoring her dad - when we came home, it went back in my nightstand. She wears her rings every day. * **I improved my social life**. I started doing things exclusively for myself, by myself. I made goals to get out of the house more, and started accepting every invitation that came my way. The first few times I went to concerts by myself, my wife had questions. Now, it's not uncommon for me to plan trips to festivals or to visit friends out of town, or just to be by myself for hours or days. I joined fraternal groups, I went out and made friends with new guys with like minds. I met up with strangers, forced myself to do things that were uncomfortable. When my guy friends wouldn't come with me, I went to parties and networking events alone. * Texting other women used to be a problem for me - I knew my wife would check our shared cell phone bill, and there would only be one or two phone numbers that she didn't recognize. My problem was my lame social life which required no texting. A few months ago, my wife said ""Your dad texts a lot of people"" to one of our kids. I immediately knew it was because she snooped through my cell phone records, saw the many people that I'm now talking to on a regular basis, and couldn't identify that several of them are conversations with other women. * My marriage has improved. **The 1 Month/Year of Beta Rule was accurate**: after being together for 14 years of my mostly beta bullshit, it took at around 14 months for the tides of the marriage to begin to change. The 1,000 foot rope is still getting tighter every day, but the power dynamic in my marriage is completely in my favor. Unsolicited BJs returned, and anal sex happens now because I stopped obsessing about it. For the first time, I came in her mouth (to be clear, this is because I told her ""I want to come in your mouth"" while she was blowing me. I had tried in the past and been rejected. I stopped arguing about it, and waiting until I became the type of guy who gets head from his wife.) I also acknowledged subtle Oneitis that I've had for most of my life, that I had accepted the Disney fairy tale bullshit for so long that it still loomed in my mind in spite of my RP awareness. I learned that it's really okay that no one will ever love me like that, especially not my wife. It's my job to love myself like that. * I quit most TV, news and radio. I don't get worked up over politics of news anymore, and it makes me glad. I don't know about the latest shooting, but I learned how to repair my motorcycle. I am behind on Game Of Thrones, but I play more instruments now. I am so far behind in Hearthstone, you guys, I don't even think my decks would be competitive anymore. * I fulfilled lifelong dreams without asking for permission. I refused to apologize, unless I meant it. I lived out actual fantasies, and told no one. I stopped saying things that I didn't mean (like ""I'm sorry"") and things that made me weak (""just"", ""I want"", ""can I?""). In Year Two, I grew into the frame that I was learning to set in my first year. * I started seeing RP truths everywhere - at work, with my friends, in my parents. Every day, I recognize the DEERing, Egos, Excuses and Self-Sabotage that I used to be subject to. I learned that the same rules apply to my wife, my coworkers, and most men. I've learned the hard way to be a little less trusting of everyone. I have now been RP aware long enough to watch beautiful young women get married, get lazy, get fat, get pregnant and enter BP states of marriage. Pretty girls I used to admire, slowly hitting the wall - and I've traded places with them on the SMV scale. I used to lust after their little bodies - now they check out my arms in the lunch room. Shit changes fast. With concentrated effort, men like us can age like a fine wine, at a time when most women are aging like organic cheese. * Today, I celebrate **1 year without tobacco or nicotine, and I've told no one** (except you fuckers). I was a smoker for years, then used chewing tobacco (dip) for many more. I had to become completely disgusted with my attachment to the habit - and I hated how addicted I was. I would plan the number of cans of chewing tobacco I would need for vacations or overnight trips, and I would have anxiety when I was in a place where I couldn't have nicotine. Here's how I quit: I bought a vape, and manually cut the amount of nicotine down to zero over the course of about a year. After that, I still sucked that metal dick (the vape) even with zero nicotine in it, because I was still addicted to the habit. Typing this all out makes me even more aware of how weak I was! As I was doing this, I told no one. My wife and kids eventually noticed that I quit, but it took months. I continued my habit of drinking very little alcohol this past year. * In year one, I wrote 52 pages of journal entries, 74 pages in my second year (not including my OYS or other posts here). This has been exremely valuable. * In my second year of MRP, I quit freaking out about my mission. One of the best lessons I took away from WOTSM is that my mission can be like layers of an onion. It doesn't have to be a perfect, profound encapsulation of my life's work. It just has to be the thing that's bigger than me, that is the driving force behind everything I do. Once I realized that my mission doesn't have to be perfect (it's just another layer of the onion that I'm peeling back) I felt a lot more freedom. At times, my mission is shallow and it involves building my body at the gym, or focusing on how I dress at work. At other times, my mission is highly personal, and inward facing - requiring quiet introspection, and meditation. MRP has helped me in far more than just sex and relationships. The last year has been one of the most challenging of my life. I survived a brutal job layoff because I'd been practicing discipline and stoicism, as a direct result of what I was learning through MRP (months later, my wife would thank me for not letting her know how bad it was). I've done a lot of reading, but **more** putting into action what I'd read. Learning to speak up, confronting other men face-to-face, and even being the agressor on purpose when it's called for. Year two was the first time I related to my own childhood bullies, and how they must have viewed me. &#x200B; I still ain't shit yet, but Year Two of MRP has been the best of my life. This year is going to be even better. &#x200B; My Year One Post: [https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/8hfeik/mrp\_year\_one\_how\_i\_got\_here\_and\_what\_i\_did\_about/](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/8hfeik/mrp_year_one_how_i_got_here_and_what_i_did_about/)",,174,BarracudaRP,2019-05-05 15:58:48 marriedredpill,bl4pfl,60 Days of Dread Week 7: Career - Part 1 (Underwriting),"----------------- *verb* > gerund or present participle: underwriting 1. sign and accept liability under (most commonly, a loan or an insurance policy), thus guaranteeing payment in case loss or damage occurs. * accept a liability or risk --------------- **Intro - Words and Meanings** When most people think of the word ""underwriting"", they think of insurance. It is the most common industry to use the word, banking being a close second. Underwriting, dictionary definition notwithstanding, is ""the transfer of risk from one party to another"". The concept is not limited to financial industries, and understanding the *scope and meaning* of underwriting is pivotal to the following: 1. Selecting a career appropriate for you 2. Understanding your true risk tolerance *vis a vis* said career 3. Making transitions across careers ------------- **Underwriting in Broader Practice** The best way to choose a career is to answer this question: > What aspects of my future professional life need to be underwritten, and where am I willing to bear the risk? Answering the question is multifaceted. Broadly, here are the things owners, upper management, mid-level managers, and employees underwrite that make the business function: * Wage and benefits payment (""payroll"") * Performance of human capital (""productivity"") * Capital expenditure and cash flow (""budgeting"") * Direction of the company (""strategy"") When considering an ideal career, one must consider which of these 4 elements he is willing to *bear the risk* of. Employees are responsible for none, but generally have productivity expectations. Mid-level managers are responsible for productivity. Upper management are responsible for payroll (treasury), budgeting (accounting and finance), and to an extent, strategy (executive level and/or owners, thus 'extent'). Owners are responsible for all. ------------ **How to select the appropriate level of risk** There is significant mental masturbation on just about any forum, Red Pill not excluded, about ""entrepreneurship"". The reason for this masturbation is a failure to understand the level of underwriting required to be an owner/operator, particularly in a sole capacity. The idea of ""being your own boss"" is inherently silly - it incorporates the idea of management into employment. They are distinct. To choose a career, choose a risk tolerance and understand your competencies. There are limits to self-improvement and capability - you may never care about producing excess value out of human capital, but you may be an excellent strategist. Likewise, you may neither care about nor be motivated by any of these 4 pillars of underwriting. Be a good employee and learn to be content with that. Doing otherwise will hamper your productivity, and a decent employer will measure that productivity and pay you accordingly. ------- **The Consequences of Underwriting** Your choice to underwrite any, all, or some of these pillars of ""work"" determines your maximum level of responsibility for failure. Here are a few quick punchy examples, as this is the easiest part to understand: * Underwriting payroll and fucking it up is a crisis. If it's a crisis of operations, expect to be fired from your treasury or accounting role. If it's a crisis of solvency, expect your company to fold. * Underwriting productivity and fucking it up is a DIRECT failure of you as the manager. It has personal recourse - whether it was a poor hiring decision or poor performance does not matter. Middle management lives and dies by its employees. * Underwriting budgeting could be roles in sales, marketing, finance, or executive level. The key thing to remember is: >**Failure to achieve revenue target(s) is a loss of imaginary money. Failure of spending to achieve ROI/E on spending is the loss of real money** * Underwriting strategy is Serious Business. If you are the owner, CEO, etc, this is straightforward. However, if you are the Duke of Fiefdom #3 and #3 is something like ""number of SKUs we sell into Amazon at low margins"", it is still Serious Business. >**Taking control of strategy at any level (but generally reserved for high-ish levels of mgmt.) is DIRECT PERSONAL underwriting of all risk associated with the strategy decisions you make.** Summary: Choose what fits, and choose iteratively (as new choices show up, weigh your options and risk tolerance). Risk tolerance should be dynamic if you want to be a big player. ------------- **Conclusions/tl;dr** * Your career is a question of risk tolerance, underwriting is the transfer of risk from you to someone else (or *vice versa*) * Being an employee can be a good deal - you underwrite literally nothing * Corollary: Being the equity holder aka owner means you underwrite everything. Consider before your dreams of being the boss. * Missing cost projections always outweighs missing revenue projections, particularly when your decisions spent money for unrealized revenue Your success or failure, broadly speaking, depends more on selecting and following through on an appropriate level of underwriting than anything else. Want to coast and answer phones? NBD, as long as the job exists and pays enough for you to live. Want to hit higher than employee status? Congrats, you've underwritten the risk of *some element* of the business. That's how salary works in a functioning system.",,15,itiswr1tten,2019-05-05 23:39:30 marriedredpill,bkdy1s,Little Queasy boys?,"#####This turds for you Another one of our longer members had his 2 year moment. It's weird, almost like it's innate. 2 years is the amount of time someone can LARP at attractive choreplay before they get frustrated and get down to real work. I can't explain it, I've seen it enough to call it a trend. And a bunch of you guys who lurk, but don't post (yes, I know there's a bunch of you) get a little uneasy when a guy decides to put his dick in his hands and finally shove it into something after a long period of disinterest from the wife. What exactly do you think all these Pathos infected buzzwords mean? * Be your best self * Persue Excellence * Unfuck yourself * Be your own mental point of origin At some point did you understand what any of these meant? Did you not think at some point you were going to have to have some resolve and do things that may make you the bad guy in someone elses life story? What exactly do you think we do here? Did you think this was a magic roadmap to make lifes problems part like the red sea and drop pussy from the heavens? #####Nut up It's nice, and it's a common outcome for people to step up when you lead yourself (and allow them to follow) but it's not a guarantee. The goal wasn't to fix everyone else anyways, it's to fix your unattractive behaviour, and make your own self attractive enough that you have options. And sometimes, people are so invested in their bullshit that they can't see you already have one foot out the door until it's too late. Thats on them. All you can do is position yourself to get what you want out of life. You're the only one that wipes your ass every day, maybe you should start treating that guy with a little more than frustrated choreplay. #####Summary If you don't have the resolve to be a man and live life as you see fit, don't waste your time here, exredpill, purplepilldebate, marriage, deadbedrooms, relationships, askmen, 2xxHarpies, fortniteaddiction, nofap, MGTOW, Incels, and a host of other testicular-cancer groups are more than happy to take you in so you can complain that you did everything you were supposed to, and the world *should* be paying dividends. That is all. Feel free to bitch about having to be your own mental pont of origin in the comments below, I'm sure a bunch of us can take turns laughing.",,37,RStonePT,2019-05-03 21:49:14 marriedredpill,bkcdd7,The case for paternity testing,"Before becoming red pill aware, the idea of questioning paternity of children never came to my mind. After reading certain articles on this subject by Rollo and CH, and learning the red pill theories of a woman's sexual strategy of Hypergamy and Alpha fux/Beta Bux, I became acutely aware of this issue. Almost all of us have come to learn of the existence of the manosphere, red pill, and this forum because we were once blue pill. The argument can be made that no matter how much you think, know, or trust your wife or girlfriend when she tells you that her child is yours, you won't ever definitively know unless you have a DNA test done. This would be the case whether you were red pill or blue pill at the time of the child's conception. Studies have shown that anywhere from 10% to 30% of alleged fathers of children are not their biological fathers. These men were essentially cuckolded into raising and providing for another man's child. Would you really want to invest the rest of your life emotionally and financially in a child that isn't yours? The best thing to do is to get a DNA test done, by one of two options which can be done discretely without her knowing. The first option is through a paternity test, which costs around $100. The second option is through one of those ancestry/ethnicity DNA websites like 23andme or ancestry. The byproduct of these websites is that it confirms paternity relationships. I have done this and can honestly say, there is a certain kind of peace and calmness that comes from 100% knowing that your child is indeed your biological offspring. Every red pill aware man deserves knowing the truth and having this feeling.",,11,adeptintact,2019-05-03 19:22:46 marriedredpill,bjxj41,60 Days of Dread Week 6: Finances - Part 2,"**60 Days of Dread: Finances** \*\*I AM NOT A FINANCIAL PROFESSIONAL AND THE BELOW ADVICE IS NOT MEANT TO BE CONSIDERED PROFESSIONAL INVESTMENT OR TAX ADVICE. PLEASE CONSULT WITH A PROFESSIONAL BEFORE MAKING ANY CHANGES\*\* I grew up in a family that did not understand financial planning. When I was young, my parents divorced and I lived in a single-parent home for several years. I knew two things: I was poor, and I was not going to stay that way. I remember reading my first personal finance book, Rich Dad, Poor Dad. Although 90% of that book is fluff, it opened my mind to the possibilities of financial freedom. Like fitness, there is a lot of analysis paralysis in personal finance. Developing financial literacy is less complicated than most think. **TL;DR version: Increase your income, reduce your expenses, pay down debt and invest extra money each month into a low-cost index fund that follows the overall performance of the stock market. Over time, you will become wealthy.** * **Investing:** Here is the fun part. Investing is the most important aspect of financial literacy. Some people think investing is complicated. Like fat loss, the formula is really simple. \*\*Be wary of people who sell you complicated investing products.\*\* To borrow a quote from Warren Buffet, ""Beware geeks bearing spreadsheets."" With investing, simple almost always beats complex. * **Consistency Beats Complicated**: There are thousands of people in the investment management industry who tell customers investing is complicated. The truth is, 70% majority of [hedge fund managers](https://www.cnbc.com/2017/08/09/buffett-challenge-hedge-funds-vs-index-funds-9-years-on.html) underperform the market in any 10 year time period. Over a 30 year period, that number increases to over 98%. This is why Jack Bogle, the deceased founder of Vanguard, recommended people invest in a low-cost index fund that follows the performance of the stock market. Not only are the fees lower, but you will consistently beat the most educated and hard-working investment advisors. * **Compound Interest**: Einstein called [compound interest](http://www.moneychimp.com/calculator/compound_interest_calculator.htm) the 8th wonder of the world. If you invested $12,000 in 1975, you would have over $1M by 2015 based on the performance of the market. This does not take into account inflation, but it does demonstrate how small choices can add up over time. Instead of asking how much something costs, start looking at purchases through the lens of opportunity cost. How much does that $10,000 diamond ring really cost? After 20 years, it is really $40,000 if you are earning 10% annually. Not to mention, diamonds are one of the most abundant resources on the planet. But you already knew that. You're not the type of guy who buys a $10,000 ring hoping to get decent sex. * **401(k):** If you get a 401(k) match at work through your employer, you need to use it. A standard match is 5%. You are not going to notice a major difference in your paycheck by contributing 5%. However, you will soon notice the balance growing with 10% of your income invested each month (5 from you and 5 from your company). Your 401(k) should be invested in a low-cost fund. Look for two numbers: Load Fee and Expense Ratio. A load fee charges you X% on your contribution. The expense ratio is the annual expense that is paid to the fund for management. There are funds with No load fees and expense ratios below 0.10%. Vanguard offers dozens of investment funds that track the performance of the stock market. I personally use the ticker symbol VTSAX. You can contribute $19,000 to a 401(k) each year. This does not include the company match. * Roth IRA: You should also consider taking advantage of a [Roth IRA](https://www.rothira.com/roth-ira-limits-2019). For most people, you can invest $6,000 a year (There are income limits for qualifying, most people do not make enough money to worry about this). This means $12,000 total between you and your wife. Contributions to a Roth IRA can be withdrawn without tax penalties, and the compounded growth is not taxed. Think of this as a liquid savings account that is earning substantial interest each year. * **Real Estate**: Some people believe that real estate is a path to wealth. In my area, real estate prices are so inflated that the numbers do not make sense. However, if you are from certain areas of the country, you may have more success with finding low-cost homes. [Bigger Pockets](https://www.biggerpockets.com/renewsblog/) is an excellent resource for people interested in investing. I am not an expert in this area, and I really can offer little advice for people interested in this subject. There is a lot of smoke coming from ""gurus"" in this space. People who become wealthy through Real Estate Investing take the slow road. Beware of people promising fast gains. * Expenses * Americans suck at saving money. This is unacceptable. Are you the type of man who has to ask his wife permission to spend money? 69% of Americans [recently reported](https://www.cnbc.com/2017/09/13/how-much-americans-at-have-in-their-savings-accounts.html) having less than $1,000 in savings. I had $1,000 saved when I was in high school. You need to track your expenses. Use a free tool like You Need a Budget. Your biggest opportunities will come from three areas: Housing, Transportation and Food. Living in a McMansion you can't afford to impress your wife? Move. Drive a $50,000 truck with a massive payment each month? Buy a used car from a reliable company (Toyota). Go out to eat every day? Start cooking at home. You will save money and be leaner. Most people can get much faster results from cutting expenses than increasing their income. * Income * Better posts than mine have been written on career goals. Read those posts. Anyone who can fog a mirror can get a decent job right now. Maybe you need two jobs to reach your financial goals in the short-term. Do whatever it takes to provide for yourself and your family. **Final Thoughts**: Notice I did not say anything about having strong finances will improve your sex life. Many men have a giant covert contract surrounding their finances: If I am a good provider, my wife will sleep with me more. **Wrong**. You need to build wealth to make your life better and to change your family's trajectory. Follow some of the steps above, and you will soon find yourself with a net worth above six figures. When you have a solid financial foundation, you are able to take more risks in your career and investing. Boss makes you mad at work? With $100,000 at your disposal, you have the leverage to leave. It will also reduce stress in your personal life. Stop worrying about how building wealth will make your wife feel. Stay in your own frame. Be your own judge. Build wealth like a man. * Podcasts: Here are some financial podcasts I enjoy listening to. * ChooseFI * Afford Anything * Motley Fool * Bigger Pockets Money * Books * The Simple Path to Wealth * Playing with FIRE * Total Money Makeover * The Millionaire Next Door * Set For Life * Your Money or Your Life PS - I am not on Reddit much, but will try to be on more often for a few days to answer any questions.",,55,liftingisredlife,2019-05-02 17:17:02 marriedredpill,bj2wg7,"Container words, and you","A blurb to you guys here. This ones a bit more existential, but I do find it important. The kind of guy who comes here out of pure desperation, then lashes out to the guys helping because they aren't respecting him enough when they do... take heed. Everythinig we discuss is a little vague, and unfortunately, it's fungable too. * Stoic means 'I let my wife berate me without crying' * Alpha means 'I am mean to that bitch because I can!' * Beta means 'co dependant pushover' Whether you know you do it or not, everyone builds their narratives, everyone builds their mental models. You picture yourself as an archetype, and act in accordance with that archetype. This is frame, essentially, and the difference between a good frame and a bad frame is important to understand. That and once you start to see how middle aged chicks argue and berate a guy, it's good to know how and why they are doing what they do. I normally add something actionable to the end of anything I write, this is the one exception I've ever done. #narcissism I’ve often suggested a healthy level of narcissism is required by men, in fact I’ve often suggested it’s one of the hallmarks of the concept of masculinity itself. Healthy is a vague term that we can take to mean anything we want it to, so in the theme of this post I will look to make it a little more objectively. Unhealthy narcissism involves a few characteristics. Create an archetype, persona, or life script, which I condense into the term deep narrative; emulate the characteristics of your surface level understanding of this deep narrative and respond with rage towards any person who does not recognize your deep narrative as their deep narrative. I use the term rage purposefully, anger is a social reaction to a perceived injustice. If I break my arm from an accident it hurts, if you break my arm on purpose it’s anger. Rage doesn’t have a grievance, it’s an ego defensive measure to remove threats to ones ego investment. Whether it’s accidental or purposeful doesn’t matter. Only the deep narratives integrity matters. And it’s built on a foundation of sand. So when I say a healthy level of narcissism, I define it as a level of narcissism that does not require rage in order to sustain itself. The reason I make this specific is because of the concept I am introducing here #Container Words I use an analogy to describe this. A container word is a box, a box with a label on it. You take this box with a label on it, and fill it with emotions, feelings, and ego. You seal the box and throw it at someone else. they have their own box, and it’s filled with their own emotions, their own feeling, and their own ego. Since your box differs from theirs, and everyone box benefits themselves, they use their box as a cudgel against your box. You must adopt the contents of their box or else suffer narcissistic rage. The labels are pretty common: Alpha Male, Beta Male, a Real Man, a Man of Integrity, Playboy/Pleighboi, HighIQ, Real G; you can easily think of many more once you know what to look for. Women and men both use container words to bully you into doing something for them. * You’re not a Real Man if you don’t do the dishes * Only highIQ men understand this * I would never put up with that, I only sleep with men who have Integrity! * Real G’s only fuck 9’s and 10’s I’ve spent way too much time arguing with middle aged soccer moms online during my learning phase of The Red Pill, and it’s something prevalent that isn’t discussed. Luckily once a man gets it, they learn to develop frame. Frame encompasses the final strategy in this essay. [more here](https://www.rianstone.com/blog/2019/4/29/container-words) When you get back, keep in mind the following bullet points. 1. Masculine/rp models of the world versus Femenine/bp ones 1. How container words can be very manipulative if you're not aware of them (similar to open and closed communication) 1. Better understand and apply the concept of frame to build a more successful you. 1. Define your terms, otherwise you'll bullshit yourself about your sucesses and failures",,41,RStonePT,2019-04-30 12:49:01 marriedredpill,bj0vtc,"Own Your Shit Weekly - April 30, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,13,AutoModerator,2019-04-30 08:24:31 marriedredpill,biy29w,The 21 Convention – 2019,"Essay: [https://therationalmale.com/2019/04/29/the-21-conventions-2019/](https://therationalmale.com/2019/04/29/the-21-conventions-2019/) &#x200B; Excerpt: For the last couple of years I’ve been a silent partner in these events. Many of the speakers are men I’ve had some personal connection with over the years. Most of them my readers will be familiar with from my mornings on [***The Red Man Group***](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCY0fILilUr601SPy-wc0XUQ), but it’s been my mission to see that the roster of men speaking at these events are on message with respect to intersexual dynamics. While the upcoming *Patriarch’s Edition* is focused more on family, fathers and leadership, the two other conventions slated this year have something for every man – even the guy who’s newly *unplugged*. Unlike certain Men’s Rights conferences (primarily organized by women), the 21 Convention is ***for*** men, by men. The conventions are *about* men, not just “men’s issues” or a lot of top-down awareness raising. They are also not fluffy, “feel good” pep rallies with more hype than information. You get real content, not a lot of hype. My involvement in this convention has had only one goal; to give men the nuts & bolts, actionable information they *need* to conceive and develop the lives they want to lead. Lives that align with the truths that Red Pill awareness represents. If you’re looking to get laid, we’ve got that covered. If you’re trying to resolve a sexless marriage, we’ve got you covered. If you’re looking to become the best version of yourself, you want to be a Red Pill father, you want to fight feminism? This convention is the only event that delivers ‘*real content’* based on the difficult truths men need to acknowledge in their lives. I get it. That seems like a hard sell. But there needs to be some kind of gathering of minds in this sphere. I will continue to put my name on this event until it ceases to be about the charter or shifts to a different message. My constant concern is ensuring that this convention stays committed to objectivism. Critics want to claim that the Red Pill is only a cult. It’s only interested in “ideological purity”. This is a false narrative. The Red Pill is obligated to objective truth. It only seems ‘culty’ when that truth clashes with the ego-invested beliefs of ideologues. The 21 Conventions serve as a TED Talk for the Manosphere. At no other venue will you hear these topics and pro-masculine information discussed. We live in an era where free speech is limited by platform and the ideological bent of its owners. It’s long past time we developed a forum where Red Pill awareness can be discussed free from censorship – this is it. The only way to test the strengths of an idea is in the crucible of open debate. And that debate requires an open marketplace of ideas in which to test them. &#x200B; \[…\] My goal for these conventions is enabling men to get access in any way possible. Some critics claim the price is too restrictive or it’s overpriced for what they believe is men “*selling their snake oil to unsuspecting dupes”*. This is also my concern. I want you to have access, but obviously the conferences can’t be ‘free admission’. A lot goes into bring together a convention of this magnitude. But “*Why go at all when all the information is free on your blog Rollo*?” Why indeed? If the cost is too prohibitive for you then you can always read my material here for free. I encourage you to do so in fact. I consider the Red Pill to be *open source*, so please, don’t put yourself into financial difficulties if attending would do so. But also know that if the 25% discounts above aren’t enough for you, I will find a way for you to attend using one of my limited discounts, getting you on the volunteer staff, or some other way. That’s how important I think these events are for men. So if you’re struggling financially, but you really want to attend, hit me up in my email or Twitter or the comments on my *About* page here and I’ll make a way to make it happen. And if you think it’s “all just salesmen hawking snake oil”, I will also find a way to get you a discounted registration on my dime so you can attend and see for yourself what these events are really all about. I joke with Anthony that my ‘workshops’ start the moment I enter the hotel lobby. I’m guaranteed to lose my voice before the the end of the 3rd day, but it’s worth it to me to give you the most of what you’re paying for. That’s my commitment to you. I know that most men only have finite resource, and only get so many weeks a year for vacation. That is the foremost thing on my mind when I’m speaking at these conventions. I want you to get the most of your investment in a weekend that’s guaranteed to change your outlook on life. And I’m confident all my fellow speakers feel the same.",,33,Rollo-Tomassi,2019-04-30 02:26:52 marriedredpill,bifc3w,Where Sex Fits In: Thoughts on Mindset,"Guys Lots of crap tactical stuff lately. I suspect many of you read these, and many start writing, then do not post silly questions because you already know the answer. I’m talking to you: guys who are on the hard path already, and are seeing enough results to know what questions to ask and what not to. Rule of thumb: if your question is of a tactical /situational nature, chances are you already should know the answer or the answer is in the side bar reading materials. If you were to truly internalize those you wouldn’t be asking silly tactical questions. So a few observations re sex: - The mindset shift you want to attain is that of rewarding her with your dick. She is such a good woman that she’s worthy of you. Play that role and that dynamic and her hamster will work overtime to please you. In and out of the bedroom. - Give her an orgasm or two before you come. This is crucial. As she gets close to coming, grab her face, tell her how amazing, sexy, slutty etc, she is. Ask her if she wants to cum. Tell her how much she needs you. Then tell her not yet. Play with her like she’s a toy to enjoy. You can do without her. But life with her is more enjoyable. Get to the point of rewarding her with sex with you : mentally and physically. - Learn to view sex that way: an after thought and a side effect of living a mission-focused life. It doesn’t matter if you have sex or not. Sex is like watching a movie, playing a game, watching a game, having a drink, relaxing, Netflix etc. It’s basically pure entertainment (and frankly a bit of fun art in my opinion when done well). It won’t deter you from what’s truly important to you in your life. - Talk to her as she cums telling her how she’s such an amazing woman and you’re now (as a result!) giving her your dick. “Release”/ allow her to orgasm when you want and after she waited for a bit and you’ve built enough anticipation. She exists to please you. Reinforce that dynamic. She earns your dick and her orgasms with you. You are generous and are giving this pleasure to her. - If it’s not enthusiastic sex, trick your mind to not want it. That’s what sex-satisfied means. And what we talk about around here. It’s very subtle, and you have to fake that state in case indeed you’ve suffered a dry patch. The moment you seam more eager, more horny, more needy, is the moment you’re a beta bitch. To your own damn self. She of course has a dog’s smell for that state. Just like she has for a true alpha, IDGAF, OI state. That’s what a high-value man is. That’s who you want to be. The longer you’ve been in a marriage where you’ve accepted sub par performance from yourself, in bed, from her - the harder it’s going to be to turn the ship around. The less slack you tolerate from the outset (in the lucky case you’ve found red pill early in your LTR/ marriage) the easier it will be to set the right frame for your relationship. To paraphrase Jocko/ Leif Babin “It’s not what you preach it’s what you tolerate. “ So go live your mission. Become someone worthy. Then have fun with your woman, when you need a break from your hard work of making a difference in the world. It’s that simple.",,61,Redpillbrigade17,2019-04-28 20:01:06 marriedredpill,bib3mk,60 DoD Week 6: Finance - Part 1 (Budgeting),"Do you know how much money you've needlessly spent over a given period of time? I recently did the math for myself. For a period of 30 months not so long ago I took home $172,404. My basic living expenses were $80,400. At the end of that 30-month period I had a grand total of $2,740 in checking. Fuck me. Where the fuck did 97% of my extra cash go? Managing our finances has to be one of our top priorities. Lest we desire to make ends meet till the day of our death we need to hold ourselves accountable for every penny spent. When we know our spending habits, via necessity or luxury, we can refine our objectives. By writing it down it gives us a plan. By following it, it gives us freedom. What I'm about to tell you is by no means the one and only way to budget. If this is an area you struggle in as I have, it will give you a start. Customize to your liking. Just do it. ## Calculate Your Take Home We all know what our hourly or salary rate is. Of course, if you make $100,000 you're not bringing home $100,000 year; this is highly dependent on where you live. Furthermore, if you're self-employed or a contractor, you have additional concerns. If you're salary you have an advantage; you already know what your take-home pay will be each paycheck. I would advise not adding in bonuses and other irregular payouts. If you are paid hourly but with benefits, you also have an advantage. You should be receiving PTO for sick time or holidays. Your forecast should also be easy to project. In my situation as a contractor, I had to be much more detailed. I received no PTO. If I was sick or the office was closed, well, too bad. Using this [Hourly Paycheck Calculator from ADP](https://www.adp.com/resources/tools/calculators/hourly-paycheck-calculator.aspx) really helps. I found it underestimates slightly which is great; I'd rather an underestimate versus an overestimate. With that, I could forecast pay for full or partial work weeks. What we want to do is develop a schedule of pay for at least the next six months. I personally chose to do one year to get a good overview of my financial goals and all anticipated charges. Identify your pay periods and forecast pay through your expected time period. This will be your foundation. If you receive other forms of regular income you may choose to add this as well. Just be careful of your confidence level. If you're receiving payouts from stock dividends or child support, these payments may fluctuate due to various reasons. It's important to remember it is better to underestimate than it is to overestimate; think of anything extra as a bonus you can throw into savings or your IRA or towards a debt. Edit: Another way you can increase your paycheck is by using the [IRS Witholding Calculator](https://apps.irs.gov/app/withholdingcalculator/) to ensure you're having the minimal amount taken while keeping any return or tax owed as little as possible. ## Calculate Expenses This step can be little trickier than it would seem. It's easy to forecast regular expenses; mortgage, car, cable, etc. It's a little trickier for other bills such as utililties, gas. Identify all of your expenses. Let's start with the basics: * Rent/mortgage * Car payment * HOA dues * Life insurance * Health insurance * Auto insurance * Water * Natural gas * Electricity * Internet * PornHub * Cable * Home security * Netflix * Spotify * YouTube * Barber * Groceries * Pet food * Medications * etc. You get the gist. Do not try to focus on what you pay monthly but what you will pay throughout your forecast period. I only pay HOA once a year. I pay auto insurance twice a year. What we want is a complete itemized list of every expense we currently have. Did you account for your car registration? Vehicle inspection? Dining out? What I would not do is add in wants. If you're planning on taking a vacation in six months but have yet to make any payments towards it, leave it out. You can work that in later. Let's then identify when these expenses occur. For monthly expenses I'll use an integer for the date. For others, I'll use the date due. Bill | Due Date ----------------|:------------- Rent/mortgage | 1 Car payment | 2 HOA dues | 2020-02-01 Life insurance | 7 Auto insurance | 2019-06-17, 2020-12-17 Water | 9 Natural gas | 12 And then add the expense amount. Bill | Due Date | Amount ----------------|:-----------------------|:------- Rent/mortgage | 1 | $1200 Car payment | 2 | $400 HOA dues | 2020-02-01 | $1000 Life insurance | 7 | $30 Auto insurance | 2019-05-17, 2019-11-17 | $670 Water | 9 | ??? Natural gas | 12 | ??? Some of this is easy; our rent or mortgage should be the same, as with our car payment and ~~PornHub~~ Spotify subscription. Others are seasonal. For example, in my household we don't use nearly as much water in the winter as we do in the summer beause of our sprinkler system. We consume more natural gas in the winter. How do we account for this? I would recommend, if you have access, to calculate the average of your last three years of payments, by month. You can use one year's worth, sure. But you're likely to get a better monthly average with more data points particularly with utlity prices that fluctuate over time. You may also consider calculating the average over a year, and roll over any extra from one month to the next. Unlike forecasting pay where underestimating is good, here we want to overestimate. Add 10% to your forecast expense. This should allow you to account for any market fluctuations without harming the rest of your budget. We want to apply these expenses to the appropriate paycheck. For example, if we have a scheduled paycheck for 2019-04-19 and another on 2019-05-03, we want to apply any expenses with a due date greater than 19 and less than or equal to 3 to the 2019-04-19 paycheck. Apply any payments with a due date greater than 19 and less than or equal to 3 to your 2019-05-03 check. You should end up with something like this: Bill | Due Date | 2019-04-19 | 2019-05-03 ----------------|:-----------------------|:-----------|:----------- Forecast Pay | | $2500 | $2500 Rent/mortgage | 1 | $1200 | Car payment | 2 | $400 | Life insurance | 7 | | $30 Water | 9 | | $52 Natural gas | 12 | | $21 Auto insurance | 2019-05-17, 2019-11-17 | | $670 HOA dues | 2020-02-01 | | Finally, calculate your remaining balance per paycheck. Bill | Due Date | 2019-04-19 | 2019-05-03 ------------------|:-----------------------|:-----------|:----------- Forecast Pay | | $2500 | $2500 Rent/mortgage | 1 | $1200 | Car payment | 2 | $400 | Life insurance | 7 | | $30 Water | 9 | | $52 Natural gas | 12 | | $21 Auto insurance | 2019-05-17, 2019-11-17 | | $670 HOA dues | 2020-02-01 | | | | | Remaining Balance | | $900 | $1727 If you're remaining balance is at an uncomfortable level, you will need to make modifications (more to come). If you're an Excel or Google Sheets guru, you may find it easier to do a simple list such as, Bill | Due Date | Expense ---------------|:-----------|:-------- Forecast Pay | 2019-04-19 | $2500 Rent/Mortgage | 2019-05-01 | $1200 Car Payment | 2019-05-02 | $400 Foreast Pay | 2019-05-03 | $2500 Life Insurance | 2019-05-07 | $30 Water | 2019-05-09 | $52 Natural Gas | 2019-05-12 | $21 Auto Insurance | 2019-05-17 | $670 ... | ... | ... In this format you could easily recreate the pivot table format above along with other summary tables for monthly, quarterly, etc. Just be sure to validate that you've added all of your expected pay and expenses. ## Identify Areas of Improvement One popular budget plan is the 50/30/20 budget; 50% of your take-home pay goes to necessitites, 30% to luxuries, and 20% to savings and debts. Let's assume this is your budget plan. You tag each expense into one of the above-mentioned categories and run a monthly analysis. You find you're exceeding your necessitites budget by 5%. Knowing the exact amounts of each expense will allow you to cut some fat to bring the expenses back within your preset allotment. For example, let's say you're average water expense per month is $90 and you need to bring it to $85; a reduction of ~5%. You may choose to cut your sprinkler time by 1 minute per cycle, take shorter showers, or run the dishwasher once a week instead of twice. If you need to reduce your electric bill, you can invest in energy-efficient light bulbs, raise the AC by one degree or use a smart thermostat and apply a schedule. Some of these ideas may sound ridiculous. You don't have that luxury. You're the Captain, and one of your duties is maintaining fiscal responsbility. One thing I found really helpful in my household was minimizing the food budget. My wife is already fiscally responsible; it was I that was the money-retard. She was quick to jump onboard when I finally put a dollar amount on our weekly food expenditures. I found we were spending approximately $300 every pay period to food. I applied a ~17% cut and, since she does the grocery shopping, asked her to make it work. Not only did she make it work, she actively sought the challenge to spend as little as possible! She goes to two, sometimes three grocery stores to find the best price in items. Many times she'll come home bragging, ""I saved $0.50 getting bananas from Store B instead of Store A."" Or, ""I only spent $90, $35 shy of my budget!"" High fives, ""good girl""! The point is that you have now taken what was a mess of numbers and given yourself the ability to quantify - and justify - each expense. It is now on you to bring the ultimate objective to reality by identifying areas to attack. ## Set Deadlines Most of us here will have some type of debt that we want to resolve. Or, we may want to get the family the fuck out of Dodge. Now that we know exactly where our money is going over the next six months to a year we can get a better idea of what we have to work with. Let's say you decide to put 10% of every paycheck into savings. Perhaps one objective is to have six months of savings. You find that you will achieve this goal on August 2, 2019. Wouldn't it be nice to take the family to Florida for Labor Day weekend? As it turns out, you will have an additional $2,000 in savings by that time. You now have confidence you can begin planning for that vacation. A painstaking process my algebraic-retarded ass went through was targeting an end date when I would have all of my credit cards paid off. I identified the cycle end dates for all cards as well as the annual percentage rate (APR). I then calculated how much interest I would have to pay on a monthly basis assuming no other charges and approximately the minimum payment due. I analyzed different payment plans forecasting what I could pay on each card and when, and identifying how much interest I would end up paying in total versus when the cards would be paid off. You may just choose to tackle the highest-interest card or that with the lowest balance; whatever works for you. My point is that I chose a path, did the math and identified the exact dates each card would be paid off. For credit cards and other variable-interest loans, this will fluctuate as your APR changes. You may want to round your APR up to some extent to account for this and, if your APR is lowered, consider it bonus funds you can apply to the balance. With any loan, read your details carefully so that you understand how your payments are applied. Nothing will frustrate your budget more than planning to have $5,000 remaining on a loan by September then realizing in September you were off by a few hundred or thousand. And do you really want to have to cancel Labor Day vacation because your retarded ass didn't properly plan? There are plenty of methods available to help you understand the terms of your loan. It's on you to master the task. ## Using Apps for Assistance Many of you may be inclined to use a spreadsheet for the tasks above; it is my chosen route as well. I would also recommend finding a service such as [Mint](https://www.mint.com/) or [YNAB](https://www.youneedabudget.com/) to help establish your budget in addition to monitoring any additional spending that may arise. I personally use Mint as I can link all of my accounts together, get notifications if a budget is exceeded or what bills are due, and either use their tools to view trends and expenses or export the data and view by other means. I have not used YNAB only because it is not a free service and I could not justify working the expense into my budget. They do offer a trial period so give it a shot. The important part here is that creating a budget is only the first step; ensuring you are following your budget is equally critical. By being able to access previous spending and categorize that spending you can easily identify if you are sticking to your plan. For example, you may have budgeted 10% of your check to savings. But, if you have to transfer from savings to checking, you're not sticking to your budget. Adjust accordingly, and either develop a better budget or better discipline. Now, go set your budget, Captain.",,22,ImNotSlash,2019-04-28 13:13:14 marriedredpill,bh8xko,Confronting the Need For Validation,"I think a lot about the need for validation, mostly because [it gets brought up in response to nearly everything I post here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/bgdw8p/own_your_shit_weekly_april_23_2019/elkgnlx/) &#x200B; There have been [some excellent posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/aexeau/validation_and_interdependency/) in MRP recently on [validation-seeking behaviors](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/ab7vt5/validation_needs_that_can_poison_your_sex_life/) and an increased understanding of where this fits into many people's marital problems. &#x200B; Even posting on MRP is great for detecting validation seeking in yourself *(Do I need everyone to agree with me? Do I feel the need to jump in and ""defend myself"" when someone calls me out?)* /u/RStonePT called me out on my most recent OYS for [putting something into my post specifically designed to elicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/bgdw8p/own_your_shit_weekly_april_23_2019/elnsidz/); I felt the immediate need to disagree, but upon reflection, he was right. The need for validation can be hard to spot within yourself. &#x200B; Knowing this is an issue, I've been seeking out different approaches to removing the need for validation that I can bring into my own life. That's included listing out personal fears and then deliberately exposing myself to them each week; training myself to be mentally aware of validation seeking in my own behavior and then purposefully resisting it; and working to focus on my own pleasure and sensations during sex, rather than focusing on whether my wife is ""into it"" or reacting a certain way. &#x200B; Though not RP, the book *Passionate Marriage* by David Schnarch also addresses the need for validation in depth, so I've been re-reading it on my current business trip. &#x200B; Below I've collected Schnarch's suggestions for ""Constructing Your Own Crucible;"" i.e., learning to address your own need for validation and using that personal development to challenge the status quo of your marriage. I've found it useful in terms of understanding how I can directly address my own need for validation, and conceptualize what a relationship would look like without it. &#x200B; I'm hopeful other people get some value out of it. &#x200B; Bold language is Schnarch verbatim; non-bolded is my own paraphrasing of Schnarch's points. &#x200B; ===== &#x200B; How can you confront your own need for validation, and grow beyond it? How can you stop ""selling yourself out"" within the context of your marriage? &#x200B; **Confront yourself for the sake of your own integrity and personal development.** It’s good for you, but it isn’t easy and won’t feel good. Stop trying to prove there’s “nothing wrong with you;” it’s not a question of whether you’re “good enough the way you are,” but a question of who you want to be. &#x200B; **If you’re having difficulty identifying your own issues, look at both sides of your “two choice dilemma.”** How is the style or content of the dilemma personally relevant or familiar to you? Have you been through something similar before and dodged it? Think about what your partner frequently says about you, which you dispute. In what ways is it true? &#x200B; **Stop taking your partner’s reaction personally.** Ask, *why am I taking my partner’s reaction personally and getting defensive?* If you think you should, what have you been doing that leads you to believe it’s all about you? If you’re not culpable, why take it personally? &#x200B; **Don’t count on your partner to confront herself in return.** You don’t untie the Gordian knot, you cut through it. If you demand reciprocity, your partner controls you. &#x200B; **Forget about “working on your relationship” or the idea that “the relationship is the problem.”** It doesn’t work. When you change, the relationship changes. Get what you want out of yourself, and you will either like your relationship more…or be able to do something constructive about it. &#x200B; **Stop focusing on what your partner is (or isn’t) doing. Focus on yourself.** Focusing on yourself increases pressure on your partner to change. People who like themselves are discerning about who they spend their time with. &#x200B; **Stop trying to change your partner. Pressuring your partner actually reduces the pressure on both of you for change.** Stop disputing their position and actually pay attention to it. Pressuring causes the partner to “dig in her heels.” Instead, clarify what *you* want and what you are willing to do to get it. &#x200B; **For solutions, look in different directions than you’ve looked in the past. Reconsider options you’ve previously rejected.** Ask, “What about me would have to change - or what would I be willing to give up - in order for this to be a real option? Would I like myself if I could do this?” You will either find new options or realize what is truly non-negotiable. &#x200B; **Stop trying to make your partner listen, accept, or validate you.  Listen to yourself.** You can’t see the situation clearly without seeing yourself clearly. Ask yourself, “What is it in me that predisposes me to see my partner in this way?” &#x200B; **Keep your mouth shut about your partner’s issues - particularly concerning those you’re certain are true.** “Sharing” your insights about your partner’s behavior is often an expression of a need for validation. Let your partner fight with themselves, not you. Remain quiet about their issues. &#x200B; **Don’t identify with your feelings.** The feelings we defend are often not the ones we want to keep. Stop making your feelings a core part of your identity. &#x200B; **Pay attention to your tone.** Tone colors what you say. Not being able to modulate your tone tells you a lot about yourself and your issues. “Quietly determined” is the tone of people who have truly hit critical mass. &#x200B; **Own your projections as a matter of integrity.** We have distorted our perceptions of reality based on our own anxieties and weaknesses. Own this reality and be able to confront it without needing your partner to “forgive” you or letting them use it to trigger you. &#x200B; **Acting differentiated interferes with being differentiated.** Don’t try to “act” the way you think a “truly differentiated” person would act. This prevents you from actually going through the work to achieve differentiation. Stop worrying about how your partner perceives you. &#x200B; **Let the best in you do the thinking and talking.** Difficult situations are an integral part of life. Confront the reality of your own life. Accept it as an opportunity for growth. It’s hard to admit our lives are filled with error and deception. Only accepting this, and facing the truth, gives you the opportunity to grow.",,89,resolutions316,2019-04-25 13:56:55 marriedredpill,bgdw8p,"Own Your Shit Weekly - April 23, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,16,AutoModerator,2019-04-23 08:24:33 marriedredpill,bg1a21,60 DoD Week 5: Internal Game - Part I: Instinctual Self Interest... and Zeppelin.,"Having Frame. Putting your own interests first. Mental point of origin. No matter how we like to describe it, it's vital for a truly masculine man to understand and embody these ideals. Putting yourself as your mental point of origin is instinctual. It's ingrained in our genetic programming. In today's culture though, it has been conditioned out of men. Think about it; it’s no different than a hypergamous woman. Both drives seek to ensure the survival of the man or the woman. Self interest and hypergamy are logical, evolutionary survival behaviors. So take back your sense of mental point of origin. When was the last time you made a decision that was truly self-serving? Something that unapologetically put you and your interests first? I find that if I think back to my high school and elementary school days I realize that my frame was better than it was when I was in college, in my 20s and most of my 30s. Why? Because I was a little more selfish. A little more ""what's in it for me?"" It was instinctive. It was natural. Kids are born selfish. It’s natural. I am a Led Zeppelin fan. I have been since I was in high school. This probably isn't a coincidence that it coincides with a time in my life that I was a little more “out for numero uno.” Let’s examine some lyrics from the first song off their first album, ""Good Times Bad Times.” “In the days of my youth I was told what it was to be a man Now I've reached the age I've tried to do all those things the best I can No matter how I try I find my way to do the same old jam.” These lyrics describe, to me anyway, the path our culture is trying to put men on. The conditioning to act in a way that ultimately doesn't benefit the man. Even in the 60s this was an undercurrent in society. I've always found Zeppelin's tunes to be energizing. Unapologetic, masculine, driving, powerful music. Then in college and thereafter I listened to more and more ""puss rock."" It makes sense. After all, we're told women like emotional men and vulnerability. Insert eye roll emoji. I still like some of that puss rock stuff but I can't listen to it without hearing the bad advice it gives men. Lets examine a song title... Another great Zeppelin tune, ""Nobody's Fault But Mine,"" to me is an OYS (own your shit) declarative. The title says enough about that one. Just listen to it. Robert Plant understood women and sexual interaction. Maybe it was only subconsciously, but isn't that really how it's supposed to be? It's only been thrust into the overt through the manosphere because men have been lead astray. More from “Good Times.” “Good times, bad times You know I had my share When my woman left home With a brown eyed man Well, I still don't seem to care.” This reminds men to have abundance. Be the one with less to lose. There are other women out there. Even if you're married, divorce is an option if the dynamics are unhealthy. Continued... “Sixteen I fell in love With a girl as sweet as could be Only took a couple of days Till she was rid of me She swore that she would be all mine And love me till the end When I whispered in her earI lost another friend.” Oooh man... these lyrics should sting for a lot of men. They do for me. Reminds me of how my “first love” ended. I was a needy bitch and it drove her away from me. Four years, over, just like that. It should Sting, and be a reminder why you have to make yourself your mental point of origin. This verse describes an awareness of hypergamy and the need for masculine frame like no other lyrical prose I know. But again, don't be bitter about it. It's just the nature of women. They aren't to blame. Just know how to navigate it. Don’t drown your woman with your negative emotions. They aren’t built to care. Let's take a look at some lyrics from ""Black Country Woman."" Rumor has it that Zeppelin recorded this in Mick Jagger's backyard. In the beginning you can hear an airplane flying over and (i think) Plant telling the sound tech to ""leave it"" in the recording. Anyway, this song preaches about having options as a man. “Hey, hey, mama, why'd you treat me mean You didn't have to say you'd always be by my side You didn't have to tell me you'd be my blushing bride Hey, hey, mama, why you treat me mean But that's alright, I know your sisters, too.” This reminds us to never over invest or get Oneitis. Have options. This includes your wife. Your marriage doesn’t define you. Have women who are social acquaintances. Socialize. Go out without your wife sometime. Make mental notes of women who give you IOIs. This is outside the scope of this post but you get the idea. The ""Lemon Song"" - a song modeled after an old revived American blues tune called the ""Killing Floor"" By Howlin' Wolf. It's about not seeing what a woman can do to you if aren't wary and discerning. The inspiration for the song came after Wolf's wife actually peppered him in the back with buckshot from a second story window after she suspected him of cheating. Some women are lemons, pretty on the outside but can be sour when you get to the middle. There is also some phenomenal drumming in this tune but I digress. To me, the best way to have frame is to have your internal game on point by making sure you’ve got what makes you happy in order first. Critics of this idea will conflate this kind of mental point of origin with being unilaterally selfish, without awareness of others' needs and feelings. They'd be wrong. That’s not what it’s about. I have a wife and two kids. Of course I want them to be happy. Of course I want them to have fulfilling, successful lives. When dad is happy, their happiness will more easily follow. The opposite of “happy wife, happy life.” I adopt this frame because I'm a better father, husband and member of society when I ensure that I'm happy, that I'm taken care of and that I'm able to be a masculine man. It's the airplane oxygen mask theory in play. My wife still accuses me of being selfish sometimes. It’s a metric that lets me know I’m not falling into the plow horse roll. Just a month ago, my wife was ranting about something my daughter did. Something she wasn’t supposed to. She says, “she’s just like you, she doesn’t care... she only cares about what she wants.” It was all emotion. Addressing that is the scope of another post. Look back to your childhood. What drove you? What inspired you? What did you gravitate towards? Think about hobbies. Think leisure activities. Think about your social activities. Think about the girls you found attractive. What did the girls like about you? More importantly, Why did they? Did you tease them? I bet you did. Did you not give a fuck if they ignored you? Probably not, because you were on your way to play flag football or ride bikes with your elementary school buddies. What did you and your friends do together? Men bond over activities. Women bond over talking about feelings and things. Know the difference. Bring some of these behaviors back into your life and you'll find yourself being more grounded in your frame, developing your internal game and being less reactive to the forces around you. (Edited for formatting)",,42,JDRoedell,2019-04-22 12:03:07 marriedredpill,bfy5b5,App Review: BodBot - Two Thumbs Up,"We all know that [Lifting Is Not A Suggestion](https://www.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/9l4fij/lifting_is_not_a_suggestion/). It's the easiest way for a man to start to see gains in his interpersonal relationships and sex life. It's a craft worth the continual effort to hone. So, for various reasons, I decided to try a personal training app called BodBot. I had seen ads for it on my phone and was intrigued. Here's what I've found after trying it out for a bit. **FEATURES** The app begins by asking a bunch of questions to orient itself to your specific needs. Here are the main categories: - Goals: Do you want to lose fat, gain muscle, improve overall health, enhance your sexual health, increase strength, train for football, basketball, soccer, baseball, etc., train for a marathon or triathalon? It tailors your workout plan to best suit these goals. - Body: You input your present stats to help the app figure out how many sets/reps you should be doing. - Muscles: You can click on a picture as to which muscles you want to target on a specific day. You can also select if you want to target only those muscles, or all muscle groups with an emphasis on the selected muscles. - Schedule: This gives you the option to let the app decide how long you work out and on which days, or if you'd prefer to schedule the workouts yourself and just have it tell you what to do when you get started. - Adaptive Progression: This feature enables feedback options after each set where you indicate how hard it was and the app will adjust your weight/reps to account for the feedback you give to make sure you're doing the right amount. - Fitness Tests: You can go through a series of exercises to test your present degree of fitness, helping the app calibrate what exercises, weights, reps, etc. you should be doing in future sessions to enhance your goals. - Equipment: You can let the app know what options you have available on a given day so that it can tailor your plan accordingly. If you tell it you're at the gym, it will include bench pressing, squats, etc. If you say you're at home, and you don't select any equipment, it will adjust to give a list of exercises/lifts that focus on natural body resistance. - Exercise Preferences: You can indicate on a scale how intensely you want to work out or if there are any particular types of exercises you don't want to populate (ex. if you have an injury) - Supersets & Circuits: You can tailor the program to alternate between muscle groups in order to maximize the down-time between two same-muscle-group sets, or circuit them so that you do one set of each exercise in a row before doing the second set, or if you just want to take the default order given, which may pair similar muscle groups on the assumption that you don't want to risk losing your spot on a machine if the gym happens to be busy. - Joints: I don't know what this does, but it lists several of them, presumably to advise the app if you want to be cautious with a particular joint. - Recovery Assessments: Between workout sessions the app may ask you how you're feeling and if any muscle groups are sore, for example, which can help tailor future workouts. - Connect Health Data: The app can download information from your FitBit or from Google Fit to track your progress and account for your sleep and activity patterns throughout the day to tweak your workout regimen each day. - Nutrition: The app also has a feature that helps you track your eating to make sure you're staying on your goals. _____ **HOW IT WORKS** It's pretty simple: once you're appropriately calibrated, it sets up a uniquely tailored routine to meet your needs. Part of the fun in going through the above categories is that the app shows a bar at the bottom with all of your workouts for the day. As you change the options, you can watch which exercises were added, deleted, or modified based on the new selection you made, allowing you to see how certain selections affect the routine, and also which exercises are more likely to have a stronger impact on the options you're selecting. The actual routine can take some time if you fallow all of the rest timers, so I found myself skipping many of them if I was jumping from one muscle group to another. For reference, my at-home routine today was: - 3 sets of 18 reps of handstand pushups - 3 sets of 12 reps of declined pushups - 2 sets of 6 reps of assisted one-leg squats (I didn't have assistance, so I used a table to help stabilize me) - 2 sets of 8 reps of hip thrusts - 3 sets of 6 reps of hand-together pushups - 2 sets of 20 seconds EQI push-up holds - 3 sets of 12 reps of door frame rows - 1 set of 50 seconds each side of side bridges (sideways elbow plank) - 1 set of 50 seconds each side of straight arm side bridges (hand on ground instead of elbow) - 1 set of 20 reps of 3 second alternating sides (i.e. 6 seconds for 1 rep) of straight arm side bridges - 2 sets of 20 seconds of isometric no-equipment bicep curls - 3 sets of 8 reps of 3 second lateral arm shrugs - 1 set of 20 reps of one-legged donkey calf-raises - 3 sets of 20 pushups - 2 sets of 25 pike presses All of this combined took me about an hour, even with skipping several of the cool-down timers or cutting them short if I felt refreshed (hard to gauge exactly because I did have to stop at one point to put my kids to bed). While showering afterward I noticed my muscles swollen in a way I hadn't seen since my early days doing SL 5x5 almost two years ago. Even now, hours later, I can still feel significant tenseness in muscle-groups that the SL5x5 or GreySkull might hit, but don't specifically target the same way this routine might. Tomorrow's routine will be at the gym and includes: - Barbell overhead press - Dumbbell overhead presses with both arms - Dumbbell overhead presses, alternating arm - Assisted chin ups - Pull downs - shoulder-width, underhanded grip - Pull downs - wide overhanded grip - Dumbbell pullover - L-Raise to external rotation - Pull down - wide underhanded grip - External rotations - side lying with dumbbells When doing initial sets, it puts an ""X"" for how much weight you're doing. Click on that and you can update the number and based on your feedback it will adjust the weight, reps, etc. for you in the future. _____ **OTHER COOL STUFF** Reading through the list of exercises, I had no clue what several were. No fear - there are handy pictures every time an exercise pops up, which gives you a general idea. Still confused? Click the info button and it'll play a quick video/gif of someone doing it so you can see exactly what the right form and motions look like. Don't like a particular exercise for any reason? No worries, just delete it from your list and the app will never suggest it again. Want to add a particular exercise that isn't included in your routine for the day? There's a button for that too. _____ **FREE v. PAY** Most of the app is free. There are several features that require a paid subscription. If you pay for a year, it amounts to $5/mo - easily affordable for most people, but still not necessary, as the free version is going to give you substantially similar plans, just with slightly less ability to tweak and tailor things. 3 months is at a rate of $10/mo. The nutrition feature is pay-only. I haven't paid yet, so I don't know much more about that. The ability to connect with Google Fit seems free, but FitBit requires a subscription. The app also gives you the ability to skip the warm-up/cool-down part of the routine, which I admittedly ordinarily do skip. _____ **POTENTIAL ADDED BONUS** Most women I know are more interested in following a yoga video on TV than going to the gym. They're often not motivated enough to research workout routines that best suit their goals. As with many other ares of life, they'd rather have someone in front of them telling them what to do, how to do it, and how many times to do it. I believe this is why yoga videos, cycling classes, zoomba lessons, personal trainers, etc. are all so popular among women. The fact that an app like this minimizes the need for independent research and thought into one's exercise routine can be very tempting for women. While my wife is away on business for the time being, I wouldn't be surprised if she saw the simplicity of me doing it and decided to take it up herself - something that doesn't follow as naturally when she's seen me working out at the gym without anyone showing me what to do, which intimidates her. So, while it has yet to be seen, I suspect this could be an easy tool for guys to invite their wives to join in on. _____ **FINAL THOUGHTS** I'm highly impressed with the way the app has uniquely tailored my workout routine. I'm even more impressed at the way I'm feeling muscles start to swell up that were never triggered heavily in my SL or GS routines. While I haven't tested it for heavy lifting purposes, during my cut this seems to create a somewhat ideal regimen for me that I'm hopeful will prevent much muscle loss, while also toning up the peripheral groups that might be the supplements needed to up my maxes when I'm ready to bulk again. I'm also pleased that it includes cardio and off days (one day was just to walk for 30 minutes), but doesn't force cardio into the main sessions. Most routines I see like this try to balance body resistance with cardio-type exercises, and this one seems to ignore that strategy - though this could be primarily because of the options I chose. While it's not perfect, and I've only been using it for a short while, I'm pleased enough to give it my recommendation - especially for anyone who happens to be cutting (my present context) or wants to develop a familiarity with lifts beyond the basic SL/GS routine and how different muscle groups can be triggered to supplement the core SL/GS lifts that I still don't intend to leave behind. A lot of the things I see this app recommending are the same things I see personal trainers doing with their clients at the gym. I used to look down on some of this, as I hammered away on the bench press. After spending time diversifying my routine through this app, I can say I have a new appreciation. While I doubt this app is a substitute for an actual personal trainer (I've never used one, but have worked out alongside friends who are PTs), it's not a bad option if you don't want to shell out the cash.",,31,Red-Curious,2019-04-22 04:55:44 marriedredpill,bfkhdr,Raiders of the Lost Covenant,"Essay: [https://therationalmale.com/2019/04/20/raiders-of-the-lost-covenant/](https://therationalmale.com/2019/04/20/raiders-of-the-lost-covenant/) &#x200B; Excerpt: &#x200B; This was my position going in to this talk with *Dr. Piper.* Have a listen to the whole segment if you have the time, but what we distilled it down to is the idea of a *Covenant Marriage* vs. a *Contractual Marriage*. This was the premise used to describe the divide between marriage how it should be done – religiously, personally, devotionally, how it was done in the past – and the way marriage is now – the worst contractual liability a man can enter into. Needless to say a lot of qualifications followed this. By my understanding a *Covenant* marriage presumes a mutual religious reverence and understanding of what is expected of a man and a woman before they enter into marriage. It is founded on the agreement of two individuals who believe they are better together than they are apart. On paper this sounds good, but it presupposes quite a bit – particularly on the part of that woman today. I’ll detail the reasons why in a bit, but I take the *Covenant*definition of marriage to mean that there’s a mutual understanding between the man and woman that they are marrying for love in accordance to what they believe is their religious and monogamous obligation. Fine. We’ve got a model for marriage that is set apart from the *Contractual* model. The *Contractual* marriage is one based on mutual support and an insurance that this support will continue even if the marriage itself dissolves. MGTOWs liken this to a bad business contract that, were it not marriage, no right-thinking man would ever agree to sign off on. *Contractual* marriage is the standard for today. Dr. Piper sees this model as the “*what can I get from my partner marriage*“, but you can decide for yourself if you listen to the discussion. I think this is a bit disingenuous since it implies that men’s only consideration for agreeing to what amounts to a bad business contract would in any way make sense due to a desire for *getting what he can* out of what’s already a bad deal. Why marry at all if what you’re taking away from it is nothing you can’t get outside of marriage without the risk? Essentially, *Contractual* marriage is the **marriage-divorce-support** structure that men are wisely hesitant about today. Dalrock once noted that sometime after the *Sexual Revolution*“*we moved away from the marriage model of child rearing and into the child-support model of child rearing*“, and I think the *Contractual* model of marriage becoming the default was an integral part of this. If you’ve ever watched the documentary [***Divorce Incorporated***](https://youtu.be/lZTOT6DKfZ8)[ ](https://youtu.be/lZTOT6DKfZ8)you can see the machinations of the *Contractual* form of marriage at work. This is just a taste of some of the real world consequences that accompany *Contractual* marriage’s liabilities. However, I think going in – and with the emphasis on leading with our feelings – most men have idealistic, *Covenant* marriage, expectations for their marriages.",,26,Rollo-Tomassi,2019-04-21 03:05:21 marriedredpill,bfasfw,60 DoD Week 4: Style,"*""We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all Bros are created equal - though not necessarily with the same good looks or sense of style - and that they are endowed with certain inalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of tail."" - The Bro Code* (Note: This post borrows heavily from *The Appearance of Power*, by Tanner Guzy. I highly recommend you purchase this book for a primer on the basics) **What Kind Of Message Do You Want To Send** When you wear clothing, you are sending a message, whether you realize it or not. Think about it. Whether you are wearing a black suit, military fatigues, a button down, a Boy Scouts uniform, a hunting outfit, a gym training outfit... you are sending a message on multiple levels. It talks about how socially adept you are. It talks about how you fit it, or not. It talks about purpose. Your clothing is your uniform, and what you are saying to the world. You use clothing and your style to reflect who you are and who you want to be. **Power Has A Appearance, and Appearance Has Power** A good question to ask is - why do some men dress better, while other men will fight dressing better tooth and nail. If you're one of those guys who fight dressing better tooth and nail, read on. Everyone cares about their appearance, and men care about their appearance proportionate to the value they get out of it. It is critical for men to understand the value of appearance, and the value of dressing well, because you are sending a message. When women dress themselves, they dress for visual appeal, accentuating the things that make them appealing. They accentuate their femininity. They know what's going on. When a group of women go out for tapas food, for example, who do you think they are dressing up for? They're not dressing up to meet men - they are dressing up to compete with each other. When you dress well, you are conveying a message both directly and indirectly of social and financial power. The clothes and style you pick out is a expression of power. **The Fundamentals** There is too much to put in one post about the fundamentals, but items like contrast, patterns, skin tone, and more all need to be taken into account. Your contrast type is determined by the relationship between the color of your hair (or lack thereof) and the color of your skin. If you account for your contrast type, you can ensure that the visual focus point is your face. If you have proper contrast, it makes your countenance appear stronger and more healthy. * If you have light hair and light skin, you have a muted contrast * If you have dark hair and light skin, you have a high contrast * If you have dark hair and very dark skin, you will operate between a medium and a high contrast * If you have any variation of skin and hair beyond these three you have a medium contrast Why is this important? Because you want to ensure that a) your attention is drawn to your face and not your clothing, and b) you want to show that your skin is healthy and vibrant. * Contrasting colors lie opposite each other on the color wheel - red/green, blue/orange/, yellow/purple * Triadic colors are colors that can be separated by equal thirds - orange/green/purple or red/yellow/blue * Analogous colors are colors that lie next to each other on the color wheel - red/purple/blue, orange/yellow/green, yellow/green/blue, etc. When two colors are opposite each other on the [color wheel](https://www.colormatters.com/color-and-design/basic-color-theory), seeing them together is jarring and noticeable. The opposite effect is achieved when colors that are similar to each other are placed together. So you have to understand how the colors relate to each other, and then know what colors work best with your own contrast. Medium contrast allows you to wear nearly any color combination you like (triad, contrasting, or analogous), as long as they work with your skin. High contrast you need a stronger variation on color - primary focus should be contrasting colors, with secondary focus on triad colors. Avoid analogous colors. Muted contrast means your face will be overwhelmed by too much variation in color - so focus on analogous, secondarily focus on triad. Avoid contrasting colors. Example: Say you have a high contrast and wear a pair of blue jeans. Your choices are not just white or orange. You can wear a different shade of blue and it will be just fine - because the contrast point between pants and shirt is far away from your face. Another example: If you have a high contrast and are wearing a suit and tie - navy suit, blue shirt, purple tie, purple pocket square won't work well. Introduce some contrast in your shirt or accessories, or both, and that will frame your face better. So if your goal is to draw attention to your face and not your clothes, and you want to make your face look healthy and vibrant, you use your color strategy that works with your contrast type - as example, black suit, white shirt, purple tie, gold pocket square - that would give you a strong contrast. This is all explained in Tanner's book. He also talks about patterns - for example, typically the larger the pattern, the more casual the garment. Larger men should wear larger patterns, and smaller men should wear smaller patterns. Large men appear hulking when wearing patterns that are too small, and small men appear miniature when wearing patterns that are too large. Proportions are fundamental to dressing well. Another topic around patterns: vertical stripes add visual height and elongation, along with making you appear slimmer. So if you look too broad for your height, this will help visually balance you. Horizontal stripes add visual weight and visually cut you into distinct segments, making you appear shorter. So if you are too tall or too skinny, this will help you appear wider and closer to the ideal. Boxes and checks add visual heft, making you appear larger. Tanner also talks about skin tone - warm skin tone and cool skin tone. Warm colors are gold based, while cool colors are blue based. So why does that matter? Well, say you go into a suit store, and you want to find out what looks good on you and works with your skin tone. See if you look better in cool colors (black, white, grey) or warm colors (ivory, brown, off white). It's complicated stuff, and you need to work through what you need to look good. **The Archetypes of Style** Tanner talks about there being three archetypes of style. So the question is, which archetype are you: Rakish - Socially Masculine Refined - Financially and Influentially Masculine Rugged - Physically Masculine Spoiler alert: You can be more than one. Consider it a focus for your strategy - pick out who you are and work to have clothes that fit your archetype. **A Brief Story** I'm going to get personal here for a minute. You know how in [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/5l6un6/heres_your_example/), the author says ""Let's go lower (Someone screams ""No blarg don't do it!"")"". I can go pretty low in how bad I used to dress. I remember going on a date with my girlfriend (now wife) many years ago thinking to myself, yeah, I'll just wear this yellow outer shirt and brown inner shirt, and I'll look cool. It shocks me how bad I looked - I look back at pictures from years ago and laugh now. Ratty polo shirts, old cargo shorts, the list goes on. Let's go lower (No Steel, don't do it!). For years, my wife picked out my outfits. Yes, that's right. I didn't care/get it/understand about color coordination or any of that stuff. I didn't understand the VALUE of what it means to look good (see what I mean - Tanner is correct in saying that men care about their appearance proportionate to the value they get out of it). And it was EASY to say ""Go ahead, honey, pick out what you think looks good on me."" But again, you know what MRP did for me? It taught me that I should give a fuck about how I dress and how I look. It made me give a fuck about my clothing. It made me give a fuck about my style. I remember reading about these guys who went out and made a change in how they looked, and I said early on in my MRP journey, I need to do that... and I did. I have outfits for the season, outfits for formal events, outfits for work, outfits for play, the gym, even lounging around the house (yes you need to look good around the house as well). My wife will now occasionally ask my opinion on what she should wear - she NEVER used to do that before MRP (and it's not the ""do these pants make my butt look fat"" trap either). I took the time to understand what it takes to look good. Just yesterday I got a compliment on my pants from a female coworker, and the day before I got a compliment on my [shoes](https://shop.nordstrom.com/s/allen-edmonds-boulder-driving-loafer-men/3084443). To be fair, am I the world's snappiest dresser? No. But do I have enough sense and style to dress for the occasion and look good? Yes. And if I can do it, so can you. **Summary** I'm not going to give specific advice, as it comes down to the individual. And I'm not going to advise you to go run up to your closet and start throwing stuff out. What I will say is this - make a plan. There are benefits to looking good. Make a plan first, THEN pitch out your old clothing. If you haven't come to terms that your appearance matters, let this post kick you in the ass - your appearance matters. A better appearance matters. One final thing: ""If you are hesitant about feeling fake in your clothing, the absolute last thing you want to do is turn over the power to choose what you wear to someone else. After all, no self-respecting man lets something as important as his image be determined by some 22-year-old girl who just finished her fashion degree."" - Tanner Guzy. You see this across time in 60 DoD post after 60 DoD post. Take some ownership on your clothing (and everything else), and stop letting your wife or anybody else pick out your clothes. Stop letting your fate be determined by someone else. Take some pride in what you wear. Post your style tips and strategies below. As example, in a prior 60 DoD post someone recommended the use of [NVSBL shirts](https://nvsbl.me/), which I've used myself and can give a +1 too. **References** A quick note - when looking at the MaleFashionAdvice subreddit, I've seen it posted multiple times in other areas that you should stick to the sidebar, so I will repeat that advice here. Previous Year's Posts on Style https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/45yz3l/60_dod_week_4_style/ https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/679p5j/60_dod_style/ https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/8ew0gt/60_dod_2018_week_4_style/ https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/9fkvne/how_to_smell_amazing_a_mans_guide_to_buying_and/ Tanner Guzy's Book - https://www.amazon.com/Appearance-Power-Masculinity-Expressed-Aesthetics/dp/1979138400/ MaleFashionAdvice - https://www.reddit.com/r/malefashionadvice/",,32,SteelSharpensSteel,2019-04-20 10:20:14 marriedredpill,bes9si,DEER is exclusive to females.,"I keep seeing guys advising men to not DEER in these subs. But that advice makes no sense and is a spergy over-application of the good advice to never DEER to your wife or gf. If you take DEER avoidance to this extreme, conversation between men becomes impossible. We are men and explaining or defending is a critical aspect of our communication. Men make claims and defend them, or state a thesis then explain it. This is how *logical* conversation happens. You don’t do it to your wife of gf because women are *emotive*. Trying to engage logically will always fail and leave you worse off. DEER is bad for relationships because it destroys the Captain analogy and treats her as co-captain. And because women can’t be effectively reasoned with; once you attempt to use reason she wins. Her mind will never be changed but yours can be. She will lose respect for you if she can cow you, so once you DEER to her you have created a conflict with no winable outcome. Hence DEER’s danger. (And yes, the actual source for DEERing says it’s when done to a woman.) But take this post for example. I am writing to a group of men and explaining myself. Is this bad? Of course not. It’s the only way men talk. Let’s say you disagree or qualify this. We could call that rationalizing or defending. Is that bad? No! Because we are men and minds can be changed. Let’s say I respond to clarify or say we can agree to disagree. Also fine. Then you respond with something and the list goes on and on. It’s all fine because it’s *man to man* communication. I see spergs here accusing guys trying to add context or add information as DEERing. It’s not. It’s how men communicate. We share facts. It shuts down the conversation where any additional contribution to the discussion manages to “prove” your point that the person is DEERing. It’s a tautology and a bad argument. As a man, you should try to use good arguments because like Aristotle said, reason is what separates men from women. I’ve seen such retarded conversations on this sub as P1: “you’re DEERing even on this sub.” P2: “no, I’m not I’m telling you why you’re wrong.” P1: “hurr durr. See, yer DEERing right now! Hahaha.” Those are possibly the most retarded, empty conversations here. It’s as bad as any of the spergs on TRP who just say “next” reflexively. Tl;dr DEERing is bad when done to women because you attempt to use logic on someone who thinks emotionally. “DEERing” to men is just called a disagreement because we communicate rationally.",,30,[deleted],2019-04-18 23:24:05 marriedredpill,beizfc,Quit being a fucking pussy,"Ok, you “swallowed the pill 3 weeks ago,” whatever the fuck that means. You used to be like toooootally alpha, but you got in a relationship and you caught feelz. And now your not alpha anymore. You’re in “great shape,” but you don’t back it up with any stats like height, weight, and lifts. Your wife is “legit” 9, and she ls 42 yrs old. Of course , no numbers on her either. Next, you want to go into a long play by play accessment of what happened between you and your wife over the last week. It reads like a train of thoughts from a drunk person. You may have even had a “main even” or a mini-main event, whatever the fuck that is. Your story is filled with your DEERing, and you even DEER to us because getting internet strangers on your side is very important, maybe even **vital** to your self esteem. You talk about she... and her... there are 50+ She’s and hers in your rambling autistic, overthinking essay. Now, you just need to find out how to be alpha again. She’s sleeping in a different room than you because she finds you repulsive physically, mentally, and emotionally. She has tested your fitness as a leader, and you continually fail to even recognize them as fitness tests because you’re a drunk ass captain (figuratively and possibly literally). You react, engage, and you play her game **on her home court.**. By the way, her home court = her frame. **You want to know how to stop reacting.** We tell you to STFU, but you continue to DEER and engage in meaningless power struggles that only exist because your leadership is non-existent, and you live in her frame. Sound familiar? **Here are your solutions , but they might not be complex enough for you:** **1) STFU** This does no men go mute and brooding. It means to not let her trivial BS shake your frame. Simply change the subject, Use fogging, A&A, or AM. **2) lift** I mean lift, really lift... several times a week. If you are skinny, increase your caloric intake and hit heavy weights. If you are a fat-ass, decrease your calories, and hit the weights 5 times a week. **3) Read the whole fucking sidebar** don’t just read WISNIFG and NMMNG over and over. That won’t get you very far. Read the whole thing, and then reread it. Rinse, repeat. The sidebar material will work alongside your experience and you will start to get intuitive answers to all situations **4) Slow the fuck down, Rambo**. You won’t make big progress until at least a year in, and that’s if you are working extra hard. **There is no fucking graduation. This is a lifelong journey, and you need to continually recommit.** **5) Don’t overthink it** Also, don’t make big sweeping changes right off the bat. Your changes should be almost undetectable, and then one day you wake up and realize your a fucking stud. Other women will probably see it before your wife, so be ready for that. I’ve had a few women try to fuck me just in the last couple weeks. MRP is amoral, so do as you wish. I choose to remain faithful because my wife fuckks me whenever I want, and she follows commands.... if I say “suck my cock” she just does it, gladly. I’m not bragging- it’s just a fact... but, it took time and work to become an attractive high value man where she **wants** to follow commands. Also, she knows that if she doesn’t, another woman will. I don’t need to verbalize it. She just knows. She also adds a shit ton of value in many areas. She’s no fucking unicorn, but she adds way more value than when I first started this journey. **6) Mission first** Always **7) Don’t be a pussy** Don’t complain **about anything** Make iT a habit to not complain. It will transform the way you think and act. It will help you be the man you want to be. You will start to believe there is nothing you can’t do with some smart effort, focus, and drive. You will Transform your life in all areas. So, make up your mind today. Do you want to be a pussy, or do you want to be a gladiator. Own your life circumstances, and you you don’t like them, get off your ass and change it. Unplug from the matrix, one connnectiona at a time. The choice is yours. You are the architect of your life, and you are the reason for your current circumstances. Make up your mind to **Quit being a fucking pussy**",,210,BobbyPeru,2019-04-18 08:09:22 marriedredpill,bdrgak,"Own Your Shit Weekly - April 16, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,17,AutoModerator,2019-04-16 08:24:30 marriedredpill,bc0loy,(Un)Fucking Habits,"All that we do in our lives is built of habits. Sometimes these habits are conscious, e.g., how we travel to work or how we style our hair. Often, they are not; how we inject tone into a conversation or how we stand in public. Dr. Maxwell Maltz once described based on personal experience it takes ""a minimum of about 21 days for an old mental image to dissolve and a new one to jell."" This idea was published in 1960 in the book ""Psycho-Cybernetics"". The idea circulated and grew to the point it became common belief it had truth; an urban myth. A habit. ## Identifying Habits A habit is [a settled tendency or usual manner of behavior](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/habit(https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/habit). For those swallowing the RP, we can define habits in specific actions: - Seeking the approval of others. - Getting angry or upset when our wife doesn't fuck us. - Being afraid to say ""no"". - Creating covert contracts Some of these habits we developed when we were children. Some of them came as we entered adulthood or marriage. Some of us may not even know because we had developed a habit to ignore the changes in our behavior or in others. To identify our habits we must first make that exercise itself a habit. This is often tougher than it sounds. We can make a list of obvious shit right way: 1. STFU 2. Lift 3. Read What about the complicated habits; the habits we don't immediately see? 1. Pessimism 2. Resentment 3. Laziness These habits often hide deep within us because it makes up such a large portion of our mental model. Though I would exercise occasionally throughout my life, I developed the habit, and the acceptance, of being lazy. ""Lift weights? Nah, I just ate a pizza. I'll start going to the gym Sunday since it's the start of a new week."" Then it becomes a habit of just not thinking about it. **Not recognizing a habit by definition is a habit**. James Clear, author of ""Atomic Habits"", [identifies four stages of a habit](https://jamesclear.com/three-steps-habit-change): 1. Cue - The cue is a trigger to our brain that identifies the possibility of a reward. One example is when we receive a text message on our phone. 2. Craving - The trigger itself, or cue, has no affect without a desire for the reward; the craving. Do we want to know what the text message reads or not? 3. Response - The response to the craving is the actual habit. We hear the notification, we want to know what it is, so we read the message. 4. Reward - This is the end goal of the habit. We have made decisions in the last two phases that solidifies our habit. Are we happy with the reward of reading the message or not? We will modify our steps at each stage in order to maximize the reward. For example, I get a dozen phone calls daily (cue). My craving for the call depends on who may be calling. My response is, if the number is not in my contacts, I ignore it. My reward is I don't have to listen to what likely is a spam phone call. Or, if the number is in my contacts, my response is to answer it. My reward is to talk to someone I enjoy talking to. My wife takes this a step further; she has different tones depending on who sends a text message. Each tone, or cue, determines her actions in the next three stages. Both of us will make minor modifications to the cue and the craving and alter the response (habit) in order to maximize the reward. We don't really think about it, but we have developed these habits and we are constantly refining them. ## Creating or Modifying Habits If it doesn't take 21 days to build a habit, then what does it take? Once we've recognized the habits we want to change, how do we address them? How do we create new habits? The first step is to actually identify the habit we wish to modify or create. The first habit most of us finding ourselves needing to change is shutting the fuck up. It sounds simple in premise. It seems to be the most complicated exercise. As we read more about red pill principals we begin to learn other methods of verbal engagement; amused mastery (AM), agree and amplify (AA), and fogging (F - wait, no acronym). Add on top of that when to apply each technique. Do I AA during a shit test? Or is it AA during a comfort test? I'M SO CONFUSED! Slow down there, speed racer. You have yet to develop the *habit*. As we recognize our bad habits and attempt to develop good habits, we may envision an end goal. If our wife wants to spar verbally we shoot that shit down appropriately, remain in our frame, and bring her back in. When we begin lifting we want to be built like Austin Baraki or Charles Poliquin. It is when we envision an end goal of this magnitude we often fail. We become overwhelmed. It seems complicated. You'll never get there! Information overload!!! We must break these habits down into smaller habits. In Atomic Habits, we learn of Dave Brailsford, a cycling coach hired to - and succeeded in - bringing a winning atmosphere back to the perennial-losing British Cycling team. > ""What made him different from previous coaches was his relentless commitment to a strategy that he referred to as 'the aggregation of marginal gains,' which was the philosophy of searching for a tiny margin of improvement in everything you do."" If we are thinking of mastering verbal confrontations with our wives, we can break it down simply into developing the habit of shutting the fuck up. To do this, we recognize the cue (""You're making *that* for dinner?""), crave the reward (holding frame), respond (STFU), and accept thy reward (frame held!). It matters not that it takes 21 days or however long to develop the habit. What matters is we recognize it has in fact become a habit. It is when you sit down at night and contemplate the days events you realize, ""Hey, my wife shit-tested me and I held frame. Milestone achieved!"" Then we can move on to understanding AA and the other tactics. This does not mean you should break down every goal into smaller goals and concentrate on one goal at a time. You're a fucking man! Act like it! You've begun lifting, right? You want to be big and strong and deadlift 500lbs? Yet, your scrawny ass can only do 150? Then make 155 your reward for this week. Hit the gym, nail the shit out of it, then set a new reward: 160 next week, and on and on. Are you in a financial mess? Forget the load of debt. Break it down into smaller events, develop a habit of achieving each reward on a daily or weekly (or biweekly) basis, and knock that mother fucker out the park. You already should have a list of the goals you wish to accomplish; your mission. Break these goals down into smaller goals. Break them down until they're so specific you can actually measure the progress. Then, set a date. Is it a daily goal? Weekly? Monthly? Write it down. Put it in your calendar. Quantify it so that at the end of the period you can simply say ""reward achieved"" or ""reward failed"". Don't worry about if it is realistic or not. The core habit you are creating is the ability to modify habits accordingly. But, don't be cheap either. If you're DLing 150lbs don't you dare set 160lbs in four weeks as your goal or I and every other mother fucking RPer here will cyber-bitch-slap your ass like your mom should have. What you don't want to do is have a list of penultimate goals and concentrate on only one child of one goal but rather one child from *each* goal. So, if you have five penultimate goals, you should have five smaller goals - habits - on a regular basis. Remember, it is not just positive habits we are building. We are extinguishing negative habits. Identify the four stages: cue, craving, response and reward. Modify these stages and the response ~~leads to~~ which will change negative reward to a positive reward. **1% BETTER EVERY DAY** > ""[When nothing seems to help, I go and look at a stonecutter hammering away at his rock, perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it. Yet at the hundred and first blow it will split in two, and I know it was not that last blow that did it, but all that had gone before.](https://www.nytimes.com/2014/06/17/sports/basketball/spurs-title-is-a-victory-for-persistence.html)"" Edit 2: [Do not let your guard down with established, positive habits.](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/bc0loy/unfucking_habits/ekn3k37/)",,77,ImNotSlash,2019-04-11 14:35:01 marriedredpill,bbg016,Be a man - Go outside and scare yourself,"Ok girlfriends, &#x200B; Its been a while since i posted about getting out there into the big wide world and doing some manly stuff. Maybe you do already, maybe you don't. But there is a lot of talk here about who should be making dinner and what it means when she is being a bitch (its day 3 of her cycle, so...). If I stumbled across this site i would assume y'all are pussies from the recent posts. I can't remember the last post that made me think one of you was bad-ass - probably u/red-sfpplus i guess, or maybe u/screechhater So let go of that wheelbarrow you need to carry your balls around and tell us about your adventures / challenges / risky behaviours. Y'know like multi-day hikes, back country skiing, surfing big waves, fight with a homeless person, you get the idea.",,59,simbarlion,2019-04-10 01:10:48 marriedredpill,bb5ed0,"Own Your Shit Weekly - April 09, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,16,AutoModerator,2019-04-09 08:24:36 marriedredpill,b8ek61,Sexual Selection and Existential Fear,"Essay: [https://therationalmale.com/2019/04/01/sexual-selection-existential-fear/](https://therationalmale.com/2019/04/01/sexual-selection-existential-fear/) &#x200B; Excerpt: &#x200B; In 2019 men’s control over their sexual selectivity is something women don’t want to hear about. Part of ensuring that Hypergamy is the defining social dynamic today includes exercising as much control over men’s sexual selection process as possible. As fluid as men’s selection naturally is, it’s still out of women’s total control. The method to that control is social pressure. Women’s need to insure against their own [***Existential Fear***](https://therationalmale.com/2019/03/11/womens-existential-fear/) of pairing with an unacceptable guy is so obsessive they will resort to social engineering. *Tinder* and *Bumble* are social engineering programs as much as they are facilitators of women’s Hypergamy. *Body Positivity / Fat Acceptance* (exclusively for women) is equally a social conditioning effort. But for these and more the latent purpose is the same – convincing men to repress their evolved sexual selection proclivities in favor of accepting women’s selection process as the ‘correct’ one. The *Cardinal Rule of Sexual Strategies*states that for on sex’s strategy to succeed the other’s must be compromised or abandoned. In today’s feminine-primary social order, the Feminine Imperative wants nothing less than complete abandonment from men – and it will use every social and political means available to insure men do. Men must be raised up and conditioned from the earliest age to accept women’s strategy and their role in it as the only acceptable one. Men’s selection of a mate must be made *for*him according to women’s standards. Many times I’m asked how to go about “vetting for a wife”. I’m asked what the criteria, what aspects, what traits should a woman possess to make her “marriage material”. From a Red Pill perspective a lot of what I lay out seems highly offensive to the sensibilities of men and women conditioned by the Feminine Imperative. But the qualities, and the reasons I define them being desirable, are nothing any man who is invested in his own sexual strategy wouldn’t find mundane. It’s not difficult to figure out what attributes in women would make for a good pairing – what’s offensive is that a man would ever have the temerity to ***require*** a woman to possess them at all.",,70,Rollo-Tomassi,2019-04-02 04:45:56 marriedredpill,b8gfef,"Own Your Shit Weekly - April 02, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit. ",,14,AutoModerator,2019-04-02 08:24:28 marriedredpill,b76gyt,"60 DOD week 1 part 3 severe injuries , true disability and strength.","This is for those who were told they can’t lift weights. Or for those who truly are physically challenged. If that’s not you. Keep reading. You may learn something. Necessary legality - nothing here is to be construed as medical advice of any sort. Whatsoever. You follow advice at your own peril or benefit. Bonafides - physician who deals with disability. Technically disabled. Lifting weights and doing BJJ 4-6 times a week. I have a neurological condition that I thought was going to leave me in a wheel chair by 36. I’m 38. See above. **why you can’t lift** - unless your doctor explains what motions you can not do, and why - get a second opinion from a doctor who lifts. Over beers. Because there are things that we will not say in a professional setting due to liability issues. —- back surgeries and such - After your back has recovered - make sure your surgeon tells you which movements CAN NOT be done and why. Then research. The hell out of it. —- neurological problems You can’t lift like an average person. But you can still lift. Guys with cerebral palsy can lift. So can you. Guys without limbs lift. Go lift. Concepts - ** proximal stability leads to distant mobility** If your core is weak you will hurt yourself after a certain point by adding weight to distal parts. This means strengthen your back before your arms. Shoulders before arms. Back before shoulders and so on. **we are legos** Simply put - our skeleton - especially spine - is held up by tiny muscle segments that have to learn to fire together - appropriately - in order to support the weight we choose to put on the damn structure. **we move in all planes. Why are you lifting in one?**. No. Seriously. Think about it. Why aren’t you doing 225 barbell shoulder presses at a 45 degree angle ? Start with 5 lbs at that angle and see what happens over time. Specific suggestions — Get yourself bands. Google this. Banded weight training will help increase power generation and strength. - multiple sets at low weight to strengthen those tendons and ligaments that are atrophied beyond hell. I have a guy with a fused back due to a spinal cord injury doing 100 rep sets - 10 sets. With a bar. Try it and tell me that’s easy. Time under tension above all. Also try functional weight training. Mimic active movements such as swinging a hammer across midline at different angles and so on. CARS - controlled articulate Rotations - there are many videos and coaches on this. It will improve your joint mobility and strength. Do this. Functional range conditioning and Kin stretch. Sit down on the floor with both legs in front sitting straight. Externally rotate your right hip only. Hip only. Not ankle. Contract your whole leg. Raise leg up off floor. Hold it up. While maintaining contraction for 30 seconds. Lower it while maintaining contraction. Easy ? Or did you cramp ? You can do similar things for all your joints. Chances are you’ll need to modify things. Oh yea - and lift weights. This wasn’t meant to be all encompassing. Just the idea that you can get stronger from Below the ground up. Specific questions in comments. Edit - I forgot to add Plyometrics. This is the one thing I haven’t added and really should. So should you. ",,26,Taipanshimshon,2019-03-30 03:16:02 marriedredpill,b6x4ye,60 DoD Week 1 - Part 2 Lifting For Life,"I spent most of my work life driving process improvement in various organizations. For the past 30 years, that has centered around continuous improvement using lean tools and concepts. The idea of continuous improvement is ingrained in my business life and personal life. The journey may or may not get easier……but only you decide when it ends. Lifting heavy is a foundational principal to Married Red Pill and is part of the beginning trinity of lift, STFU and read/implement. It can be the easiest, because it is all you and your discipline to the process. And let’s face it, lifting heavy weights, making process, seeing the progress and feeling better each month can be a great motivator. I am not going to talk about heavy lifting in general. That has been covered here often and well. [Here is a good overview of lifting programs](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/42iux1/60_days_of_dread_week_1_lifting_for_life) by /u/bogeyd6. What happens when injury, disease, pain, body condition and/or your doctor tells you no more heavy lifting…maybe temporary…maybe permanent. January 2019, I found I have an ascending aortic aneurysm. The artery coming out of my heart was more than twice as large as it should be, like a balloon that could burst. No more heavy lifting until my operation in June. After that I will not be able to lift heavy for my recovery period….maybe never. Ascending aortic aneurysm. The words from my doctor hit me like an anvil hitting the Coyote in the Warner Brothers cartoons. As I searched for lifting alternatives, I found research showing that one could get most of the benefits of a heavy weights, low reps program with lighter weights and higher reps. I could use lower weights at 15, 20, even 25 reps and still produce good gains. Not the same as lifting heavy...but gains with a program that fits my circumstances. This is [one of best articles](https://muscleevo.net/low-weight-high-reps) I found on the subject as it covers a number research tests on this subject comparing low reps, heavy weight vs. high reps, lighter weights. Here is part of the conclusion: >The fact that it’s possible to gain with higher reps and lighter weights doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s a good idea to do so. >Remember, in terms of muscle growth at least, there were no discernible advantages to the light weight high rep protocols. They didn’t lead to superior gains in size or strength. But each set took twice as long to complete. >Plus, lower reps and heavier weights still win the day as far as gains in strength are concerned. >**What it does mean is that the range of repetitions you can use to build muscle is a lot wider than previously thought.** >Most studies out there show very similar gains in muscle size across a variety of rep ranges. >That gives you a lot more choice about the type of training you do. We aren’t alone in being forced to change our workouts. Forget the 710-lb. deadlifts and 470-lb. back squats — workouts look a little different for Arnold Schwarzenegger these days. >Squatting and all those kind of like heavy leg exercises, I can’t do anymore. My knees are shot. I have to protect my knees because I want to go skiing. >The machines that you have today, I wish that I could have used them in addition to what I did, because they’re really amazing. A guy like myself who had shoulder surgery, hip surgery, knee surgery — they can always find an exercise around the injury that I could do. >So I cannot do dumbbell lateral raises anymore, but I can go and find the machine that does exactly the same thing and I have no pain.” Arnold’s version of continuous improvement. I am currently working the SL5x5 plan, but doing 5 sets of 15-20 reps. Basically, I am changing 5x5 to 5x20. I may not be setting 1 rep max personal records, but with the circumstances I have today, I am getting stronger, looking better, feeling better. My plan has changed. I am not going to get that 5x5 225 pound bench press before June. Some of my goals are revised, but still a plan I am working on. I am not a doctor, not an expert, not a fitness guru. Just lessons learned from 40+ years of running, lifting heavy, bodyweight fitness, HIIT routines…and now lifting lighter weight, higher reps. But you do you…follow your plan…build your life. And always check with your doctor before taking off on any new program if you have health issues. Some of you may be thinking, hey noaarpforme, you are 62 years old, does lifting really have a benefit at that point? And if it does, will anyone notice? Does SMV apply at 60+? Everything you read from the sidebar and Married Red Pill, Rian’s daily email, etc…it all applies at 60+. My body has changed, I like to think I am wiser, kids are grown and out of the house. I still love sweating through a good workout, hanging out with friends, a night out on the town, passionate sex multiple times per week, a tasty keto meal, a little too much rum, rock n’ roll cranked up to 11 and the latest Avengers movie. And yes, women still check out an average dude who is lifting, well dressed, confident and has a bit of game. OK, the iron is calling and those weights won’t lift themselves.…… PS. Deep appreciation to all the regular contributors on Married Red Pill and AskMRP. I learn from you guys every week. Continuous improvement; the journey never ends. Rock On! ",,49,NoAARPforMe,2019-03-29 13:15:44 marriedredpill,b5n4eo,"Own Your Shit Weekly - March 26, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit. ",,17,AutoModerator,2019-03-26 08:24:28 marriedredpill,b5cm13,Marriage after Dread Level 12 (see also “Spin Plates with Caution” or “How to be Happy with What You’ve Got”),"This post is part cautionary tale, part philosophical question, part request for advice. I tried to be reasonably concise, hopefully I didn’t gloss over important details or go on for too long. TL;DR version How can a married man who has gone through each stage of dread, improved his SMV, pursued outside interests, indulged in a hedonistic lifestyle, banged hot young girls, destroyed his wife’s self-esteem by neglecting her and eventually getting caught, then come through the other side with an intact marriage, ever be truly happy again with a real-world wife with real-world flaws who wants nothing more than for him to stay, be faithful, and tell her she’s sexy? Can you really close Pandora’s Box and pretend you never saw what was inside? Choke down that blue pill and forget all you’ve experienced, and learned about the world and your place in it? Full Version About three and a half years ago, I was knee deep in an unhappy, low sex marriage with my wife, an overweight and stressed out new mom to our 2 year old daughter. We were both each other’s first serious relationship, having been together for over 15 years (we were both 35 at the time, now 38). I knew nothing of TRP, MRP, or really anything at all about relationships, and was feeling neglected and sorry for myself. We had been mostly happy together before my wife got pregnant, although her weight (correction: we were both overweight and out of shape, and I wasn’t happy about it) and her seemingly low sex drive had always been an issue for me, and neither of us knew how to communicate properly about our feelings. I tend to avoid conflict because I’m a sensitive chickenshit, and she’s shy and self-controlled, but also very sensitive to criticism, and with a bit of a temper. Long story short, I jumped head first into the deep end of casual dating and sex – straight to Dread Level 11, as I later found out. Then I lost weight, got in shape, started dressing better, developed outside interests, and learned how to game girls. The dread sequence was completely out of order; I likened myself to a bull in a china shop, running wild without any concern for what I was doing to those around me. I was having fun, but my marriage suffered; slowly at first, but over time we drifted further and further apart both emotionally and physically, even with the birth of our second child. Time is zero-sum, and time spent with side pieces meant less time with my wife and our family. I loved my wife, but I also grew to resent her; the girls I was dating were fit, fun, energetic, and had low expectations for me, so why would I bother putting any energy into making my wife happy when the payoff was mediocre sex with an out of shape 35 year old? Over time, I basically wrote her off physically and emotionally – a kind woman, the mother of our children, but fat and boring - and she consigned herself to a life with a neglectful husband who would rather pursue outside activities than spend time with her, and who was most likely cheating on her (I had a lot of “client dinners” and “guys nights” but I’m a terrible liar when it comes down to it). I hadn’t complete given up on our marriage and wanted to love her, but I was still too afraid of hurting her feelings and wasn’t communicating properly. My step 9 came in the form of me having an emotional breakdown in the middle of the night, when I finally told her I wasn’t attracted to her. We went to therapy, and she agreed to start working out and lose weight, but I didn’t stop cheating and never told her that I was. I felt like I couldn’t go back to my old self at that point; that I could have it all and never get caught. I even convinced myself I was a good husband and father – a good provider, right? Then one day about a year later, I was caught. It was messy; she found evidence of the things I had done, and who I had done them with. I told her everything. She was angry, and hurt. She yelled at me, and cried, on and off for days and days. All of her fears were true, and worse. Already self-conscious about her body, her self-esteem hit rock bottom when she learned that I had been out banging eager young girls at the same time I had been refusing sex with her. But there was hope; we both wanted to repair our marriage, and she decided to focus on the future, not the past. We talked openly like we never had before. It turns that we’re actually very sexually compatible; the willing sub I spent so much time searching for was sleeping beside me the whole time. She wants me to want her, to need her, to use her. But therein lies the rub… she’s lost 30 pounds, continues to go to the gym 1-2 times a week, and is slowly opening up to me sexually, but for me it’s still not enough, and may never be enough. She’s a great partner in life, everything that I’m not –responsible, organized, emotionally stable – but sexy? Not really. Sexy is the amateur model with the perfect tits, or the uninhibited college student who used to scream my name when she came during our lunchtime trysts, or the submissive Indian girl who was so nervous and turned on she could barely speak, then followed me back to my car so I could bang her in the parking garage. My wife turns me on, but she will never compare to what I’ve experienced, and what I know is still out there if I chose to seek it again. And now she’s painfully aware of this fact, and she can’t get it out of her head. And neither can I. I read a post recently on TRP that basically said that the quest for self-improvement could become an all-consuming obsession, and I feel like that fits me to a T. On paper I have everything a man could want – a high status career, a wife that most men would be jealous of, a nice house, two wonderful children, and an active social life with lots of friends – but I still feel this emptiness inside me. My wife tells me that one can create their own happiness, and to some extent I believe that. But then another part of thinks I can do better; maybe I’ll find that 21-year old bisexual lingerie model who’s also polite and loves children and home cooking, or whatever chimera my mind has conjured up as a vision of what would actually satisfy my own hypergamous instincts. Once you’ve experienced something “better”, how do you go back to “normal” and be satisfied?",,56,daddytwoshoes,2019-03-25 16:12:57 marriedredpill,b4y4aj,60 DOD Week 1 Part 1 - Lifting,"""Lifting, it's easier posted on reddit than actually done."" -bogeyd6 **Picking a Gym** When everyone first starts to think about MRP and what they need to do. The first thought should always be which gym will you join. More importantly you will think about how much of a fat slob you are and the judgement that comes with going to said gym. Going to a gym and in front of at least 100 people will make you feel stupid starting with an empty bar on SL5x5. I was there, can still remember how dumb it looked and how I couldn't walk straight for a week. The reality of the matter is, and prepare yourself, no one cares. You think the world revolves around you and in your beta kingdom you have trussed up a reality in which you are the center. Could not be further from the truth. My gains and videos were posted on MRP years ago, there is nothing left to prove. If you have a few minutes continue reading and maybe you can begin to fix your life. Everyone, and you will have to wrap your mind around this, everyone starts at the beginning. Picking the gym that makes you feel comfortable to at least get started is paramount. Many people choose the wrong gyms like LA Fitness and Lifetime Fitness. They are cheap, available, and pretty much have everything you could want. They are also cheap. The problem is, and if you are like me, you don't have three hours to work out. Get in, Lift, Get out. These mc'gyms cater to a larger audience, and could very well be a good choice for the beginner. Who doesn't like a dip in the hot tub to help the muscles relax. Many of us are very busy in our lives and that kind of time doesn't exist. Yet, we tell everyone to make time. The best part is most people are willing to help new people and those who aren't will continue to be idiots. If you find yourself in a busy gym, ask to work your sets in and you would be surprised how helpful most people will be. **Where do you make time?** That part is the easiest. Find a power lifting gym somewhere near your house or your work. When I was stateside I lifted in a gym that was very close to my work so I could get in and out. The cost was, well, prohibitive to most poeple. We spend the money where we expect improvement and I needed to lift. Inspect what you expect and the results were pleasing. Time to finish was about 45 mintues and I got to read NMMNG and WISNIFG during my rests. That was about 4 years ago next month. **How to find the right gym for you?** That's no easy decision. Maybe you live next door to an independent gym and the decision is easy. Perhaps, you go to to powerliftingwatch dot com and search for a gym in your area but none exist around you. For sure I can tell you that the YMCA will always be better than a mc'gym. You need to find a gym that has a squat rack with safety bars and a bench press that doesnt reuiqre a spotter. Bonus points if the gym is mostly empty so the wait times do not take long. The most important part to consider is the availability of free weights. Showing up to smith machines and calling it a good work out doesn't quite cut is. Doing cardio or cross training for an hour doesn't count. Common mistakes people make in the beginning that lasts a lifetime. * Find a gym that fits your schedule and has the equipment to do power lifting. * Start at the lowest possible weight and start your gains. * Stop thinking other people are judging your 65lb dead lift. * Fix your diet. * Fix your sleep. * Make the time. If you think you can do MRP without Lifting and without Reading. Go ahead and leave as there is nothing left for you here. There is a reason this is the first of several weeks. I will promise that if you lift, read, and stfu you will have the same stories like BPP, SK, Perseaus, RZD, STSK, Stone, and all the other men who put in the work. You know who you are. Perhaps in four years time you are still hanging around to offer guidance and share your war stories. P.S. Shout out to Stoney, Comment dit-on lifting en français? Think lifting is hard? Try finding a power lifting gym in Europe.",,57,bogeyd6,2019-03-24 16:18:34 marriedredpill,b4imdm,DOD Week 0 Part 2 - How to be Happy - The 3 Step Guide,"The Happy Man – How to Guide Simbarlion started us off by framing the concept of happiness. This is the follow up, “ how to” guide for those struggling with the concept. First, I’ll address the most common problems guys will have with the concept of happiness itself. A common argument will go something like “life is eternal struggle with brief moments of satisfaction”. The idea being that life is full of difficulties and challenges for the average man. While true, life can be very difficult, I will simply reply with – perception is reality. It is difficult to deadlift weight if you have never done it before. It is hard, possibly painful and potentially damaging. However, doing it right and eventually succeeding, does lead to a moment of happiness. Stack up enough moments, and you have a string of happiness. The second common misconception is that what we call happiness others will define as pleasure in the hedonistic sense. While pleasure is a kind of momentary happiness, it is not all that encompasses “happiness”. For reference , here is a definition : “Happiness is used in the context of [mental](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mental_health) or [emotional](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotion) states, including positive or [pleasant](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pleasure) emotions ranging from [contentment](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Contentment) to intense [joy](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joy).[\[1\]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Happiness#cite_note-auto-1) It is also used in the context of [life satisfaction](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Life_satisfaction), [subjective well-being](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Subjective_well-being), [eudaimonia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eudaimonia), flourishing and [well-being](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Well-being)”\[ But, Shimshon, what the hell does that mean and how do I do that?? Step 1. Decide what makes you happy This is probably the most difficult part of the whole thing, We learn as little boys to make our parents happy, because hey, they feed us. Its not that simple, but in general it applies. We also learn how to drop dopamine into our brains from various activities. Games, video or actual, physical play. Certain foods can make a child happy. FFS Happy MEALS were created as a way to tie food to joy. Great marketing there. But Shim, I am an adult! What do?? Well, since you are a man, you know that a happy meal is a trick. Think back to your brief moments of happiness. Usually they came from achievement. You won a foot race. You did well in school. You got the girl ( more on that one later). Contrast that with things that were fun but ultimately did not make you happy. Maybe it was drinking a little too much. Maybe it was fucking a fratmattress. Maybe it was having too much cake. You will find that the things that make you happy came from a sense of achievement. Pride. Getting a black belt at a McDojo doesn’t give the same sense of happiness as getting a blue belt after a long time in BJJ. Trust me, I’ve done both. So, step one is looking at your life and figuring out which of your behaviors lead to unhappiness. What makes you fucking sad for yourself to think about. Cut that shit out. Cut it like cancer. Those things are death. But like a surgeon, cut out only those things which Are cancer, and spare any potentially viable tissue. Its your life, and your opportunity and responsibility to figure out which one is which. Step 2 What makes you happy?? Is it a nice car? A better more capable body? Financial independence? More time to spend on your hobbies? ( You have those now, right?) All those things take work. All those are rewards. Winning the lottery and buying those things will of course give them to you… but none of them will be worth shit because you did not put in the work to earn them. That is what happiness is. Accepting the struggles of life, picking your own damn struggles to have. Choosing what to struggle for. Choosing how to struggle. Choosing what to earn. Face it, you don’t actually enjoy the pain of drop sets or trying to get a PR on deads. You do it because you know it is a means to an end. And because you know that achieving goals feels good. You know that its not fucking the girl that is the achievement. You can fuck a hooker. It’s getting the girl to want to fuck you that’s and makes you happy. Step 3. Figure out, after trying it out, what actually IS worth your effort. A couple of examples from my life: In my marriage I figured out that for multiple reasons ( most of which were my fault, as its always your fault, because you are in charge of your own life) , I was not happy being married to the woman I had married. I had given her all the rope I wanted to, and was seeing no behavior change that indicated that she wanted ~~me the way I wanted her to want me~~ that made me happy. I planned and am now nearing divorce. In terms of my physical goals, I lost 50+ lbs of fat, after being literally physically disabled. I returned to what I like to do, which is some sort of martial art. I chose bjj because I knew I needed the competition in a ( somewhat) safe environment. I am by far not even the most average at it. Even for a beginner. I suck. Im not 18-25 and a recent college wrestler ( those are the guys I roll with, that’s the competition). It fucking sucks to get choked, tapped, pounded by people stronger, bigger and faster. Its not pleasant . I love it. I feel better afterwards. Everything is sore. I know I am more dangerous than I was yesterday. I know that I am more capable. I can take pride in any tap I get, or in going one more 5 min round than last week. Its not pleasure. I enjoy the shit out of it. Money - briefly – getting rid of the idea that I work for a company, rather than AT a company, for myself, created cognitive opportunities to make more money, have more control of my day, have more free time. In fact, I haven’t done any work in a few years. By that I mean that, most of the time, I enjoy what I do nearly every minute. It doesn’t feel like work. It feels like a hobby that pays me. Getting the girl - Several plates, ONS and so on, into separation, I realized that its getting the girl interested and having her show that interest is what’s enjoyable for me. Sex is a byproduct. Oh, and now I can think much more logically about any given woman and the time I want to invest in her, if any. Works wonders for creating that correct mentality for game. ",,58,Taipanshimshon,2019-03-23 12:27:51 marriedredpill,b4b9fp,60 DoD 2019 - Week 0 - Happiness is your long game,"&#x200B; &#x200B; *“Its your life, and its ending one minute at a time.”* &#x200B; I want to take a moment here to talk about you, big guy. Not your sex life or your retarded relationship. You and your happiness, your state of mind. So step inside and close the door before you put your feet up on that brown leather recliner. Take a break from over-analysing the minutia in your battle of the sexes; and please, put down your quantum mechanics theory books. And yes, motherfucker, I have read all those books on the shelf over there by the window. If you want the TL:DR now, my message is that either way you like it, what I know for sure, is that all of you here want to be happy - whatever your definition of that is. In the words of our own u/SorcererKing : ”*The point of your life is to be happy, assholes*”. &#x200B; **Note:** *This is purposely theoretical and philosophical. If you think happiness is a crock of shit, you don’t understand it or you’re doing it wrong. Its not a goal, a mood or a feeling. It’s a state of mind. Describing ‘happiness’ is a bit like trying to describe ‘excellence’, both a somewhat abstract, intangible, relative descriptor.* u/taipanshimshon is going to follow up with some practical application and examples. &#x200B; **Thoughts on happiness from old people smarter than me** Lets quickly review some perspectives on happiness from people who know shit. For **Aristotle,** the most notable of the metaphysical philosophers, happiness is the “*highest desire and ambition of all human beings”.* In his opinion, the way to reach it is through virtue. In other words, if one cultivates within oneself the highest virtues, he or she will reach happiness. &#x200B; **Lesson #1:** *Happiness is not a goal it’s a way of life* &#x200B; **Epicurus** proposed the principle that balance, and temperance were what created space for happiness. This idea is captured in one of his greatest maxims: “*He who is not satisfied with a little, is satisfied with nothing*.”. He also insisted in the idea that one should not work for money to be able to buy goods, but rather for the love of the work (a topic I will return to later). Epicurius states not that you must be a minimalist, instead: &#x200B; **Lesson #2:** *Your ability for happiness with little will determine your happiness in any other state.* &#x200B; According to **Ortega y Gasset**, all humans have the potential and desire to be happy. This means that each person defines their reality and what can make them happy. If a person is able to truly achieve and reach that reality, then they will be happy. &#x200B; **Lesson #3:** *You can be happy if you want too. Perception is reality* &#x200B; **Slavoj Zizek** proposed that being truly happy is a matter of opinion, and not of truth. He considered satisfaction and contentment a product of capitalist values which implicitly promise eternal satisfaction through consumption. However, dissatisfaction reigns within humans because in reality, they do not know what they want. &#x200B; **Lesson #4:** *A solid mission is a prerequisite to be happy* &#x200B; **Nietzsche** challenges the concept of happiness, describing it as an “*ideal state of laziness* “. In other words, to not have any worries or distresses. He felt, in contrast, that contentment could only be found in having vital strength and a fighting spirit against all of the obstacles that limit liberty and self-assertiveness. &#x200B; **Lesson #5:** *Happiness can be perceived as overcoming adversity or* ""*beating the odds*"" &#x200B; **How you experience Happiness** Our philosopher friends have established that happiness is an abstract state of mind, which combines your emotions and your thoughts; all in context of your current situation and your past experiences. Modern research suggests about 40 percent of our happiness is under our control, and the other 60 percent is predetermined by biological set points and recent life events; but that is different for every person. That means that happiness is relative, and your baseline happiness (life satisfaction or long game) and daily fluctuations (day to day variations) are unique to you. So even the homeless hobo you kicked on the street today does have periods of happiness, but, it is fair to say that his baseline happiness is a lot lower overall. Maybe today he had a better day than you because he found a better place to sleep tonight. Yeah, he was happy about that. And yet there you are, all pissed off because the store ran out of peanut M&M’s. &#x200B; **Lesson #6:** \- H*appiness doesn’t come from getting something we don’t have, but rather from recognizing and appreciating what we do have.* &#x200B; But short term happiness from regular life doesn’t last. The hobo has just realised the new digs are a longer walk from his favourite soup kitchen, and you managed to find the peanut M&M’s in amongst the regular ones the next day, so the balance of the Universe has been restored. *Hedonic adaptation* is the observed tendency of humans to quickly return to a relatively stable level (baseline) of happiness despite positive or negative events or life changes. Life events like getting married, graduating from college, or being promoted affect our happiness levels, but their effects diminish over time. The process of *hedonic adaptation* is often conceptualized as a treadmill, since one must continually work to maintain a certain level of happiness. If they stop making those peanut M&M’s, you will get over it eventually. Naturally happy people need less effort to stay happy, hence the treadmill concept. In contrast, happiness from internal sources tends to last – Those achievements you made at work, that contentment you feel from a job well done, is internal happiness that boosts your long term baseline. **Happiness, possessions and money** You might already be able to see the connection here to money from the treadmill concept, and there is a big disclaimer here that this following advice doesn’t apply to you if you are living from paycheck to paycheck. You fucked something up, and you need to fix that. Pay attention in finance week. For the rest of you, remember money is literally given to us for our time. So beyond basic provisioning (seriously, sort that shit out), working harder and longer to have more money is a gamble on the value of your time now, versus the value of your future time; you are selling your time now to your company on the basis that those stacks of cash will make you happier in the future. If you knew you had one year of life left, you wouldn’t really try hard for that promotion would you. So ease up on the consumerism, it doesn’t make you happier long term - You have a nice car, you don’t you really need a nicer one. One year after you buy that nice new car with the heated seats, they are going to release the same model with new LED headlights and a panoramic motherfucking moon roof. Do you really think excitement for the moon roof (*excitement level 10!)* is going to last? Of course not, you will forget it is there in 6 months, and you will be back where you are now. So, don’t underestimate the importance of how you ‘spend’ your time and money now versus later. Time is money, money is time. &#x200B; **Lesson #7:** \- *It is not the man who has too little, but the man who craves more, that is poor.* –Seneca &#x200B; **The impact of others on your happiness** One of the challenges we face is that our happiness is easily influenced by the outside world, specifically, other people. So many of us erode our own happiness by *Giving Too Many Fucks*, or maybe you’re looking to collect on all your covert contracts. In either case, you’re projecting what you think should happen onto others and setting yourself up for disappointment when they don’t do it. You’re butthurt disappointment reads as unattractiveness by the way, and its all making you unhappy. You can't control others, Period. Stop trying to. *DNGAF, OI* and the *stay plan / go plan* mindset, are all designed to insulate you from your weak position of unattractiveness. But keep in mind, if you completely detach emotionally, you will limit your potential happiness by losing friends and or family. You will get a reputation, and that can be hard to shake. And don’t discount the value of increasing other people’s happiness; generosity and helping others is a well-documented source of happiness. *DNGAF* is like lifting, more is better, but there is a point where if you overcook it, you are going to fuck it up completely. It is of course different for a very attractive man, girls will do what you want anyway, so you won’t need *OI* or *DNGAF* to insulate yourself from when they don’t do what you want them to do (cause that never happens). And as happiness is attractive, that makes a neat little feedback circle don’t you think? So try to remember what it is you are trying to achieve through MRP; think a little harder about what it is you really want. You think you want your wife to give you a blowjob tonight? Sure, it feels good, but I guarantee what you really want from her is to show you how much she values you by performing a submissive act. Because the pleasure in knowing you are a man of value far outweighs the enjoyment of the act itself. &#x200B; **Lesson #8:** \- *Happiness is attractive* &#x200B; **The role of MRP and happiness** I’ll keep this short as u/taipanshimshon is going to go into more depth here. The Red Pill is a praxeology, (the study of purposeful human actions – did you know that?), but what the typical RP subscriber (I avoided the term RP “swallowers”) experiences is a methodology or sexual strategy (i.e. the practical application). The basic assumption is that you’re here because you’re unhappy with your wife, and you came across MRP hoping to improve her “performance”. So, you LIFT, STFU and READ. But even if you’re hardcore red, life is not *all* about sex, so stop fooling yourself that improving your wife’s “performance” is your end game. It’s a factor, sure, maybe 20% of what contributes to your happiness. Don't discount the other areas of your life - go and tell a joke to your son, pick up your daughter and swing her around. Go the fuck outside and do something that makes you feel alive. Come home and surprise your wife (no, not like that). Do it because you want to. Do it because it will make YOU happy. And that is attractive. &#x200B; ‘*Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.*’ \~Marcus Aurelius Antoninus &#x200B;",,70,simbarlion,2019-03-22 22:15:01 marriedredpill,b4a00a,"There, for the grace of RP, go you","So , since I just killed a direct link with no analysis on askmrp I thought it a good time to grab a recent bluepilled man's example from another sub to show what we mean and how analysis demonstrates understanding. We don't care about the clueless out there on other subs. **The point is we want to know that YOU are getting it. And analysis demonstrates that one way or another.** *Also ,no link needed (will only encourage brigading <both ways> banning, etc.. just quote the relevant part or use NP)* So on a sub related to the exposure of pyramid schemes this poor clueless beta comes in to tell us his story as a warning. >My wife got into Herbalife two years ago and I was always very hesitant about her doing so because of what I'd heard but granted I did not know much beyond what I'd heard and some cursory reading. Every worry I stated she shut down with what I now know is the prepared drivel they tell their people to say. "" So at this point he already knows it's ""prepared drivel"". Or if he didn't, let's assume an alert leader would at least do his own independent fact checking. You don't need to do this with every first officer decision but for fuck sure when a lot of money, time and effort is on the line: you quality check. Is that what he did? >I didn't want to be an oppressive partner and I didn't want to shut down her dreams so I entertained it and gave my blessing for her to use some of our shared savings to start this as she is a personal trainer and has a good number of clients. We did not have a lot saved up, but were getting close to our target for a new home and renovations, and I felt fairly confident in her ability to earn. "" Wow. So no. Joe Beta takes her drivel, that he already assumes is such and agrees to ""bless"" her with the funds. Mind you, these were not a lot but apparently close enough for a new house...renovations...etc. well, in my book that's actually alot. Maybe they were rich (we'll see in the end). And where does this confidence come from when he knows to begin with it's drivel? Self-delusion...my guess. How many wives worry about being oppressive in this situation? If a ""partner"" is about to spend money you've earmarked for other purchases to chase something about on ounce of independant research would reveal as a pyramid scheme? But that is what main stream , oprafied acceptable husbands do. Not get in the way between her dreams and the money. >For a year she was doing well and seemed really to just care about the clients and helping them, and she seemed very happy and her clients were too. I noticed more money was going but it would be replenished a week or two later, so I stopped looking as I felt myself becoming paranoid. So, on the surface it looked like it was breaking even. How long are we going to roll with this? Diligence in an investment is just that, not Paranoia. Paranoid would be your mindset or what you are hamstering to make your natural (and smarter) gut ""unease"" , mollifed. You are only paranoid IN HINDSIGHT. In this case he would have been proven ""PERCEPTIVE"". >After that first year, I felt things change and her working longer hours and stockpiling product. I asked her about it and for the first time ever in our marriage, she told me to ""fuck off"" in a complete stress outburst, for which she apologised and it wasn't a big deal but was the first sign of stress. Yeah, no red flags there. The first time he blindly demonstrated she could walk over him with a few placating remarks and assurances. She's lost respect for him as a leader. At this point it's her show , which completely explains why she'd tell a subordinate to fuck off. That's her true view of him bleeding out. It's not a shit test. This guy was failing fitness tests for a year by this point. He was just an annoying PASSED OUT DRUNK captain who raised his head long enough to question her piloting. So that was the first year. It gets much much worse. >Over the last year, she has completely drained our savings and put us five figures in debt, and cancelled all of our standing orders so as to be able to cover product order costs which resulted in fines and huge bills I wasn't aware of at all. She even had one of her friends from Herbalife cook up a fake document that stated our account was fine, which actually led to me being arrested after going into the bank and providing false documentation without knowing it. I was since released and was subsequently not charged after being confronted with the truth and being obviously shocked and unaware. I would argue at this point, to go this far she may even be seeing him as an Omega male or completely irrelevant. I mean she raped their bank account for at least a year or two with him taking bullshit as an answer. As well as telling him to fuck off when cornered. Her respect for him and their family is no where in the equation. There's people at her work willing to collude with her to commit a crime. **INTENDED TO PURPOSEFULLY DECEIVE HIM** **YET, IS WORSE! AS IT LANDS HIM IN JAIL!** for an indeterminate amount of time. I'm sure she's totally going to be repent her deception and the collateral damage at this point going forward... >My wife has now left me, and has moved in with her sister, and at some point had her name removed from the shared billing of the house leaving me in the complete debt. I have had to consult solicitors due to the fact this was also done illegally, but I can't afford to go through a whole case, not least against the woman I love who just wanted to start a side income to help us both. This is a man [zeroed-out](https://therationalmale.com/2017/12/11/zeroed-out/). He went from Beta to Omega to a patsy, a thing to use. Because she was evil? Because the MLM scheme was evil? Or because **he didn't tell her NO from the start**? We know from experience that telling a woman NO sometimes iis not only what you want...but what they *need* in order to respect you. From his sad little eyes he would have been squashing a dream that instead ACTUALLY BECAME her nightmare which then she foisted onto him as is now his to own. So did he rebound into someone we'd see stumbling in ...full blown anger rambo? > Herbalife has absolutely ruined our lives, and through the uplines sending my wife upwards of 20 emails a day with sentences like ""Make the sale however you can, flirt with them if you have to"" or ""Put yourself out there as single, and indicate that working with you is going to be long term"" she shut off any shared approach we had to business or life, and I've almost completely lost her. I am losing my home, I'm quite literally surviving on a meal a day, and I'm going to have to sell my car which I need for work. I am going to turn this around, somehow, and I am going to sue the living shit out of Herbalife for their practices but at this point in time I am completely defeated. >I'm very sorry for this long post, and perhaps you can see why I've thought about not posting it many times, but please do share my story with others who are getting into this situation because there is nothing in this life worth this damage and pain. I am broken."" Yep.. It's the company's fault. If she threw her lot in with a company hinting at selling your attention for money, and she got as desperate as letting him take the fall while cutting and running I can bet real money that she went above and beyond with ""clients"" and ""coworkers"" whom not only did she respect, but took (bad) advice from. No where in here is the blame aimed at the chick who killed your puppy and hung it around your neck. Nope, it was the gun. This is a poor person with supreme oneitis, left with no life and no self respect. So hopefully he grows enough of a pair to get legal advice...then if he's lucky he could see the RP light of day. Get a handle and control of your finances if you don't already. It's not about trust. It's not about paranoia. It's simple accounting 101. You can suck at math and still know basic addition and subtraction. You may not be the one good at picking stocks or investments, but you can know + is better than - . [Learn to say NO](https://www.amazon.com/When-Say-No-Feel-Guilty/dp/0553263900). Her ""dreams and goals"" should compliment...not cost ... the family, otherwise they're just ""bad ideas"". If risk is involved with any idea: you research until you fully understand what is not only at stake , set goalposts along the way and continually evaluate. Finally if you can't wrap your brain around how it is a good idea to begin with then you punt. A few years ago I thought it would be a good idea to invest in real estate (rental property) instead of the stock market and was prepared to do the work. Problem ended up being that I live in a renter's state with horrible taxes for landlords and I live far enough from other states that they are out of the question. Where I live you essentially need to be able to purchase around 4 properties up front for it to pay for itself. A lot of steps were taken in that direction. Still, even with some penalties I reinvested my money back in the stock market. (NOTE: not saying this specific situation is the same or applies to any wanting to do this... ) and hey...guess who had clear reservations about it and let me know without ""guilt"" or feeling like they were squashing my dream? Mrs. CountP She wouldn't be my XO if I couldn't rely on her as a second set of eyes. In the end the impartial numbers won. Imagine for a second this guy said no and his worst fears came true? She left him then over him saying no? How in the world would he not be in a 1000% better situation now. More likely if he was rp aware (or natural) she'd have just thanked him a year or two later as saving her from herself. Or even if not... that's her emotion to manage... it was still a shit idea. ",,64,[deleted],2019-03-22 20:26:27 marriedredpill,b45byj,60 DoD 2019 - Official kickoff,"Rejoice, for 60 DoD 2019 is finally here! I know you're as excited as I am, for this is going to be a content-packed 60 days, with many of you committed to write posts for our focus areas. Before all that kicks off this weekend, let's go over the basics of this challenge again. The idea of 60 DoD is to improve your **life-process**. What do I mean by that? Mostly, it's about **habits** - if get into a *habit* of lifting regularly, eating right, tending to your hygiene, dressing well, gaming your wife, tending to your finances, advancing your career, and enjoying your social life, you will not only see gainz in those areas, but you'll sustain those gainz. Many challenges will say something like ""do 1,000,000 pushups by next Tuesday!"" That's well and good, but what about after next Tuesday? Does it become 1,000,000 pushups every week? Do I only need to do 100,000 per week once the challenge is over? Instead, here we focus on changing your *process* for the long run. So the content each week will give you new ideas about what the possible range of process might be for you. Your lifting goal might become, something like: * Lift M-F every week, with weekends off * Lift at 7pm each night, without fail * Do SL 5x5 until plateau, approximately 6 months from now * Switch to Arnold's Blueprint for 3 months * Create custom plan with some crowdsourced ideas from internet and gym bros after that * Revisit gainz and program every 3 months Notice how the first two items are the most important from a process perspective. They are the ""what"" of it, while the other items are the ""how"". A wardrobe goal might be an initial purge of worn-out ill-fitting articles, followed by refresh every time the seasons change. Hygiene could be to start wearing cologne and pledge to change it out every 4 months. You get the idea. Notice how in these examples it's not ""join the 1000 lb club"" or ""get 17 polo shirts,"" but rather a *sustainable approach to staying awesome*. This thread is for your public declarations of intention in the 8 areas. You should have enough self-awareness to know what you need to be better at. Not everything has to be drastic change, as even a stopped clock is right twice a day, but we all have room for improvement. This year, for those of you who declare in this thread and report on success at the end, I will be granting special flair to show your accomplishment. I will enlist some fellow mods to determine who we think is worthy based on your honest self-assessment, realism in goal-setting, and actual accomplishment in changing your life process. So with that all said, let's get to it. There will be a couple of ""Week 0"" posts hitting between now and Sunday, which will help frame our philosophical approach to 60 DoD, (hopefully) helping you to answering the question, ""Why even bother?"" Gentlemen, this is 60 DoD. Begin. Edit: Just a reminder, this will end on 05/24/2019.",,62,SorcererKing,2019-03-22 13:53:15 marriedredpill,b3y5my,Sheesh...,"Sheesh… I never expected this. I'm two weeks away from the news. The news I've posted about a few times before. My timing had been off before since I didn't really know the difference amongst ""before treatment started,"" versus ""during treatment,"" versus ""after treatment finished,"" and all its implications. I saw my doc today. He agreed that I would not be walking, talking, and generally participating as a human being if the cure were not a foregone conclusion. I have my PET in one week, I have my follow-up (by phone) in ten days. I believe I'm cured. It's clear I'm cured - with all the caveats of what that word - cured - actually means. **Importantly:** I have the hardest frame and deepest level of stoicism of anyone amongst this 25,000+ group of people. Seriously, no bragging. **Importantly 2:** I also have fucking everything going for me - except the obvious - and I mean everything. I have genes for it and I've been practicing. And I've been dealing with hell. And I'm insanely good at it. **So what gives?** *On that note I ran into my original doc today, the one I'd developed the relationship with, the one who cried when we (my wife and I) learned that everything went from bad to worse to fucked, to uber-fucked, and then to ultra-fucked and beyond.* **Sheesh 2...** So tell me this. Tell me…. Seriously, if you have something to say beyond ""well of course, you've been through hell, what do you expect"" and please instead focus on this: I'm a little different than the average dude who stumbles upon here. I have so, so much belief in my ability to beat anything, and I have proven it, and I have done it time and time again, and I then ran across the ultimate 'anything' and I actually beat that too, and so that's the ultimate fucking craziness, and that's insane…. and then… this... **void....** ---------------------- Why am I not happy? What is missing? What is happening? Why don't I feel like I've climbed a mountain? Why don't I feel like I've won a war? --------------- **Shit.** I don't know how to answer that. Maybe no one else here does either (except one dude). Maybe this is way too deep and, frankly, depressing. With that said, I've developed relationships with so many of you fuckers and while I'm like the pariah amongst you all and the bearer-of-something-like-ebola, I would genuinely appreciate some feedback. I never ask for feedback. -------- **Edit.** Thanks for the feedback dudes. This post relates to rule zero as follows: Lately, weeks I guess, this quasi-anhedonia I'm feeling correlates perfectly with my sex life and desire, both of which for the short-term are effectively gone. My wife's fucking pissed about it too. **Edit 2.** I realize that ""happiness"" was not the right choice of words. ""Meaning"" and ""fulfillment"" are probably more apropos. I'm sort of like a gun haphazardly pointing in a random direction, the wrong direction. There's no aim. **Edit 3.** Look on the bright side, fuckers, if I do get cured you won't have to be subjected to any more of these god-damn irritating illness-and-death-inspired posts. Go life. ----------- **Edit 4.** Hopefully my last. **Future dudes in a similar predicament,** know this: (1) I won't ever delete my account or posts, regardless of past, present, or future cringinesss, and (2) there is **some really, really good advice below** - in the event you find yourself in similar circumstances. These are some genuinely smart and insightful mother-fuckers. I'm glad I chose to ask for feedback. ",,23,johneyapocalypse,2019-03-22 00:15:27 marriedredpill,b3v7pg,We don’t do that / You don't want us answering that.,,https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/b3ryql/we_dont_do_that_you_dont_want_us_answering_that/,21,[deleted],2019-03-21 19:59:06 marriedredpill,b3tur4,"The Thing That I Must, Must, MUST Tell You...","I, and 99.95% of all men here don't give a fuck about your wife or significant other. The other 0.05% are trying to figure out who she is so we can fuck her. That is all.",,27,RuleZeroDAD,2019-03-21 18:09:14 marriedredpill,b3lfgt,Relationships are a woman's job,"Divorced or single, I noticed a similar thing, guys looking for a relationship. I have never been the guy who wanted one, the only reason I'm in one now is because the girl I was with never gave me a red flag in over two years. And I remember that one goof in here who got divorced, then a few months later is already looking at his first plate like a replacement for the wife he already didn't want. I happened into this mindset, almost by accident. I had been spinning plates for just about a decade at that point – I was a late bloomer – and had seen nothing but disaster in the vast majority of relationships around me. Parents, friends, co-workers. I was just old enough to see the first round of divorces among guys my age. Man it happens young. As I started telling the story, I was getting the stories of other guys in the red pill, the one that comes to mind was /u/UEMMcgill, another red pill moderator who had the same experience. A few others afterwards came out, and so I ran with the idea. You can only be open to having a relationship, but the onus is on her to convince you it’s worth it. [Full post here](https://www.rianstone.com/blog/relationships) [Also I watch the dogs sleep while I tell the story](https://youtu.be/k1xEV2C_n5g) ",,56,RStonePT,2019-03-21 03:05:02 marriedredpill,b3iz27,The Existential Fear – Men,"Essay: [https://therationalmale.com/2019/03/20/the-existential-fear-men/](https://therationalmale.com/2019/03/20/the-existential-fear-men/) &#x200B; Excerpt: **Patriarchy & Monogamy** Socially enforced monogamy was the least barbaric of those compromises, but in this century destroying that monogamy has been a priority for the Feminine Imperative. In theory, socially enforced monogamy was the most beneficial mating strategy for largest number of (low SMV) men to solve their reproductive problem. But the fact remained that it was still an exercise of control over women’s Hypergamous natures. In essence, monogamy worked for men, and it was beneficial as a compromise in parental investment for women, but it also assumed direct a control over women’s sexual selection process. Patriarchy and monogamy answered a woman’s Hypergamous doubt for her, and that is the crux of women’s *Existential Fear –* to have the control of her Hypergamy, her selection process, and ultimately the cost associated with that choice determined for her. This fear is exactly why the primary goal of feminism has always been the maximal unlimiting of women’s sexuality and the maximal restricting of men’s sexuality. It seeks to replace the social-scale compromise of the *Cardinal Rule of Sexual Strategies* with the total capitulation of the male strategy. Today, the Gynocracy has achieved this almost entirely. But for one sex’s strategy to succeed, the other’s must be compromised or abandoned. For a gynocentric social order, only men’s abandonment of their own strategy is acceptable – and this abandonment insists men deny the evolved imperative of their own *Existential Fear* – insisting on paternity. In the evolved scheme of things men’s reproductive best interest involves sacrifices. When a man commits to parental investment with a woman he takes on sunk cost risks. The time he spends investing himself committed to one woman and the children they produce comes at the cost of reproductive opportunities with other women. Women’s sexual strategy necessitates he compromise or abandon his biological imperative. Naturally, both men and women have adapted ways to circumvent monogamy to optimize their sexual strategies (infidelity, short-term breeding schema), but the basic equation is the same; if a man is invested in one woman it limits him from seeking other (potentially better) reproductive opportunities. If you want to know why [***Plate Theory***](https://therationalmale.com/2011/08/19/plate-theory-2/) irks women so much look no further. The only way this compromise of sexual strategy can be advantageous to men is if he can be relatively assured that the child he’s raising is his own. This is where men’s *Existential Fear* of paternity fraud begins. He cedes his own strategy and the sunk opportunity cost for reproduction in exchange for the certainty that he’s invested in a child that bears his name and his blood. I call this men’s *Existential Fear* because denying men the certainty of paternity presents the same existential anxieties as a woman’s control of Hypergamous doubt taken from her. Women fear the idea of being forced to birth and raise the child of a suboptimal man not of her choosing, while men fear the idea of being deceived into raising a child not of their own genetic lineage. And until the advent of DNA testing only a woman could be certain that the child was her own. This is root level stuff here. So important was the determination of paternity for men that an obsessive concern for it was written into our mental firmware. The risks of falling for paternity deception was *that* important, and the men who evolved this compulsion were selected-for. The reason we [***Mate Guard***](https://therationalmale.com/2012/11/01/mate-guarding/), the reason our hindbrains default to jealous suspicions, the reason we cannot bear the thought of another man mating with ***our woman***is rooted in the fear of investing ourselves in a child not our own. In the previous essay I mentioned the natural revulsion response humans have towards things that are inherently harmful to us. A reservation or revulsion of snakes, spiders, feces, rot and necrosis are part of the evolved firmware we’re born with. I would also argue that the revulsion women feel towards “creepy” (low SMV, Beta) men and the revulsion men feel towards “slutty” women is part of this. Both these revulsions are adaptational protections against our respective *Existential Fears*. Each represents our [***Instinctual Interpretive Process***](https://therationalmale.com/2018/04/23/the-instinctual-process/) letting us know what our ancestors had to avoid.",,40,Rollo-Tomassi,2019-03-20 23:14:06 marriedredpill,b2ut2o,"Own Your Shit Weekly - March 19, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit. ",,18,AutoModerator,2019-03-19 08:24:29 marriedredpill,b2jyvp,The Victim,"I don’t know how this will be received, but I believe every once in a while, it’s worth reminding that we have to carry ourselves into a World hostile to an unplugged man’s life. Outside of our much focused and sometimes myopic quest of getting what we want out of this short existence, we forget that the self-deluded are all around us. Every rough edge to any circumstance has a tendency to appear like the head of a nail peeking out from some weather-beaten timber needing to be smashed flat. The matter-of-fact, come along or get left behind mindset, is excellent for dealing with your spouse, kids, business associates, and friends. Men learn quickly that most people prefer to defer, and if they can follow your vision to a beneficial place, everyone is happy. Men understand that being the supplier of resources, be it time, fun, money or leadership, is a burden to be accepted. If a man is lucky, those around him provide value in return, and life is interesting. My mother is a self-identifying victim. A Boomer hippie, she decided commune life in California was “more free” than collective life in the Midwest. I think it was the farming she grew to hate, when she really wanted drugs instead. So she and my father, the prototype soy “gentle” son of a WWII Marine, decided to leave me with “friends” at a Utopian style collective when I was three. No one from any state authorities knew my parents were gone, and a check from the government came to the residence to help the community take care of me. I went to school with the other children, and I was none the wiser until I turned six. New regulations were passed as I was entering first grade, and every kid had to have vaccinations, or a religious reason to decline. Regardless, physical parents needed to be available to sign documents and appear at school to answer any questions. Needless to say, this was too much of an administrative burden on the group, and a number of us kids immediately became wards of the state. I was in a group home until nine, when I was adopted. My adopted parents worked hard, gave me a very stable foundation, and I succeeded in their care. I thought that would be the end of any family revelations, but 40 years later, things changed. Victims don’t understand burdens or value. Victims only understand pain. “Victim” has been allowed to become an identity for far too many people, including many of those into whom men pour vast resources. Our own desire to make things smooth makes men forget nuance, and become the hammer. With this in mind, my mother reappeared needing something. I came to find out I am her only child and she has cancer. She has adult leukemia, with complications from Hepatitis C. My mom is a dirty whore with a blown immune system and failing liver. Of course science has come to the rescue of the Boomers with a Hep C cure, so all she needs is bone marrow from me to hopefully make her strong enough to put the cancer in remission to save her liver. At first, my mother asked if I would donate a portion of my liver. I told her to fuck off. Here is where nuance and setting an example for others came into play. If I would have cast myself as a victim, and focused on the numerous times some predator tried to grab my dick as a child in that group home, or getting beat up weekly for being “Orphan Boy,” I would have let the selfish cunt die a jaundiced emaciated death. What I did, instead of focusing on this one person from my past, I registered on a national marrow system, so hopefully she will be but one of multiple people I help, because it’s what I choose to do. It’s altruism from my mental point of origin. Of course, I was the bad person and aggressor in the end anyway. I don’t talk with my mother for obvious reasons, but from her long-winded facebook postings, she is heartbroken, I’m ungrateful, she did the best she could, I should be more supportive, a mother’s love is forever, I ignore her financial problems, I deny her the “right” to see her grandchildren, etc… As surprising as her tone-deafness, are the responses to her posts in support of her nonsense. She has a complete support system of old, dried out, Caucasian whores (and thirsty old men) that tell each other every minute of every day that they are the victims of society. I literally saved this woman’s life, so that she may libel me. The silver lining in all of this is that I don’t have facebook, and that I’m anonymous on Twitter. I’ve come to value my wife more through this experience, because she is the one who reads the garbage and summarizes everything for me. She’s very cute and careful about it too, which makes it fun. It also lets me know that she values my worth over the drama that could be generated for her hamster. I let her get outraged for me, and for some reason, having a common enemy also gets her in the mood. We choose to be victims or not, and we choose our own tribe. Don’t let your past tear down what you are continually building. ",,114,RuleZeroDAD,2019-03-18 15:21:34 marriedredpill,b18639,Stop keeping score,"Stop fucking keeping score. The question is a yes or no answer: Are you getting what you feel like you are worth in: Your love relationship? Your sexual relationship? Your career and finances? Your kids? The answer is either yes or no. There is no maybe. There is no maintaining ""status quo."" There is no fucking grey area. You are either moving forward or backward. There is no amount of data tracking and/or collection that is going to convince you that you should either say YES or NO. It is a gut feeling. If in your love relationship she is making you happy, cool to talk to, being relatively drama free, giving you quality time, then you are likely on the good side. Do you get the type of sex you feel you deserve and have demonstrated you can handle in your past? I would suspect for the majority of you, the answer here is NO. Is your career moving forward, or are you working the same job making the same 3% pay raises? Got news for you buddy - inflation and interest is killing you slowly and you are to fucking dumb to realize it. If you are not averaging 8-12% pay increases YoY, you are moving backwards. Are your kids building their little lives? Do they have interesting hobbies, or are they on ADD meds and look at their screen all day? When I look at the OYS posts, and what is going on in the sub - I see a bunch of men who just simply obsess over getting their dick wet. Look motherfucker, I love getting my dick wet as well. But that is a side effect of me being who I am. My main focus - MY MISSION is to keep growing and developing as a man. There is a golden rule in business. Take care of your clients and your employees and the money will come. When you start to focus on money, you loose it all. When you focus on sex - you loose sex. Nearly every single OYS post starts with - ""I had sex 2 times this week."" Guess what - who fucking cares? And new flash - that might be two times more this week than me. Been traveling for a week. So what? Enough with the spreadsheets, tracking data and keeping score. If you want to keep score, then you need to be man enough to act on the data. If you feel you need to keep score - THEN YOU ARE LOOSING THE GAME ALREADY. And keeping score is pointless. What you need to be doing is working on your shit. I have seen a few posts about men being in a relationship for X years and they are butthurt. Guess what motherfucker - that is called the anger phase, and when you start keeping score in the anger phase that shit snowballs and snowballs till you blow your shit up like a faggot and get divorce raped in the process. Stop keeping score and start listening to your gut. Oh, but guess what you also have to do? In order to listen to your gut you have to check your fucking ego as well. Why am I recapping the basics? Because there are to many motherfuckers to fucking autistic to realize they have not read the sidebar and work the system. I didn’t start keeping score until I was ready to drop the hammer. And that was keeping score for different reasons. She doesn’t care what the score is. You are either the man, or not. The score in her mind is how she feels in this moment. You are the only dumb fuck in the relationship trying to build a trend chart in excel and justify it to yourself. Stop. Go lift and STFU.",,108,red-sfpplus,2019-03-15 00:32:14 marriedredpill,b0t0qs,Case in point: generating those tingles is an indirect effect of taking care of business,,https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/b0qd4e/last_night_i_heard_my_husband_tell_off_one_of_his/,63,Redpillbrigade17,2019-03-13 23:28:38 marriedredpill,b05b3q,"Own Your Shit Weekly - March 12, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit. ",,18,AutoModerator,2019-03-12 08:24:28 marriedredpill,azbw4u,Don't really give a shit about gaming new chicks,"Lately, I've had no motivation to game women. I would say I've felt like this for about six months. I am pretty happy with my wife these days. I'm owning my shit and I have room for improvement but for the most part she doesn't shit test, is feminine, has a low n-count, kills it at work, takes care of the house, and cooks for me every night. For a while I was going out a lot, gaming girls, flirting, etc. After going through a really difficult miscarriage with my wife, I feel a really strong bond with her and have little desire to game other woman. Has anyone else gone through this? Part of me feels like something is wrong with me. I understand AWALT but I also feel like I have something really good going with my wife. ",,47,bigtuna45,2019-03-10 03:59:33 marriedredpill,axptsn,Married Man Game Part 3: Sexting,"My wife decided to snoop on my computer last week and managed to find this account. Hi, babe! No, I'm not creating some stupid throwaway account or changing my profile. The first post she read was [The Consciously Crazy Wife](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/9sfixb/the_consciously_crazy_wife/). Yikes! Haha. ""I knew you were hiding something, and I just wanted to know *all of you*,"" she said. It was a clear invasion of privacy, and I called her on that, but women are gonna do what women are gonna do. So, I ask her with a smile if she'd read [my OYS comment about enjoying her dripping wet juices](https://www.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/avehhr/oys_where_progress_is_made_022719/ehf37xm/). She had, and we laughed together, though she was a bit embarrassed. I think she likes being a bit embarrassed when it's just between the two of us. She'd never admit it openly, but her behaviors in those moments don't lie. Another thing that I haven't done often, but also gets her embarrassed, is sexting. So, I figured I'd write a post on it. Let's see how embarrassing this can get ;) _____ **SEXTING FRAME** Texting is only for logistics, right? As a general rule, yes. But there are times, especially for married men, where it can be advantageous to rev up the engines even before you get home from work or while one of you is away on business. I do not sext very often. But when I do, I really enjoy it. It's a fantastic experience. Sometimes she seems to get into it, whereas other times she's quite dismissive. Unless she's sexting right back, it's not always easy to gauge how she's receiving it, but I'm not as interested in that, as the stage it sets is usually quite fruitful when we're back together again. What makes it difficult to gauge is that you have no behaviors to observe. All you get is what she says, which isn't always reliable. While a particular line might make her feel warm and blush, she could very well respond: ""Stop it. This is uncomfortable."" Or she might say, ""Aw, that's cute. Are you picking up the kids today?"" and totally dismiss what you said until you get home and she's ready to go. Other times she may play along. If all you get are her words, you have no idea what's really going on in her head. Conclusion? Sexting is less about how it makes her feel and more about how it makes me feel. I simply enjoy talking sexy to my wife. It shows confidence and dominance, especially in those times that she doesn't engage. It sets a plan and expectations for how the night is to go. It makes me horny all day so I'm rock hard by the time the kids are in bed. Now, I'm married to a reserved ""good Christian girl"" type. Any form of ""naughty talk"" makes her feel awkward and uncomfortable. Just taking a selfie showing some cleavage is groundbreaking for her. As a result, her ASD is remarkably high when it comes to these types of things. So, it's automatic for me not to expect or look for any validation in her responses (not to say she doesn't give it). But I still do it anyway. Why? Because I find it fun. And it's great when she does respond anyway. _____ **DEVI** I'm sure there's a lot of nuance based on the particulars of each person, but bear with me. While I'm a lawyer by trade, I love writing in my spare time. I've written both fiction and non-fiction books - but fiction writing has been particularly helpful to me. When I'm thinking about how I want my night to go, it doesn't just run through my head like a scene in a movie that I'm watching. As with writing fiction, I can place myself in the scene and experience the fullness of the moment yet to come. That's what makes sexting come alive for me - it's not just imaginative foreplay; it's a whole new world of anticipatory gratification. Instead of wishful expectation, I find myself immersed in a world of my own making and inviting my wife to join me there. Even beyond the principles you'll find below that I draw from my experience as a writer, there are some basic concepts that are valuable to making sexting a fun and enjoyable experience for me, and hopefully for you too, and which can set a solid stage for evening activities. I have found Daniel Rose's ""DEVI"" system quite helpful in creating a framework for me to really get into it, which I hope and often find gets her into it as well. - **Dominance**: Sexting works best for me when it comes from my frame as something I'm leading for my enjoyment and I'm inviting her along for the ride. I set the stage, she follows. I push boundaries and make her feel uncomfortable. I'm in charge of the conversation and say what I want, free of restraint. I also don't place pressure or expectation on her to respond a certain way. My sexual energy directed toward her through text is not dependent on her approval. I can just be me. - **Emotion**: I have to be feeling it. My emotional state matters most. If I'm into it, she can get into it. To transfer my enjoyment into her, I must target her feels, which is when reciprocation is most likely to occur. With no emotional transference, while I may be having fun, she'll ultimately write me off and not engage back. This is where I screwed up the most recent time I tried this - I hopped in too far too fast and didn't get her feeling it right away. When she wants it, she'll play along. - **Variety**: I'm sure you can imagine what a boilerplate sext conversation looks like. I'm a lawyer and even I hate reading boilerplate, no matter how interesting the document is otherwise. If she doesn't know where you're going to go with the conversation, it leaves room for anticipation of what might come next. - **Immersion**: This is the single most important aspect of sexting for me. It's what makes it most enjoyable. When actually having sex, immersion often happens naturally. When sexting, it takes a lot of work to leave your environment and feel in the moment. Why? Because you're looking at a screen with the lights on and not actually experiencing anything that's being said. Yet romance novelists are able to create immersion for women in airports, coffee shops, and even public restrooms all the time. It's doable. But it requires creativity and stage-setting. I have found myself so immersed in these types of conversations that I must step away from my office desk to make sure I'm not leaking in my pants. With those principles in mind ... _____ **PRACTICAL TIPS** Of the list below, take what works for you and leave the rest behind. These are just things that have been helpful to me in maximizing my enjoyment of sexting with my wife. **Be Authentic**. What makes sexting most enjoyable for me is that I authentically want to do everything I'm texting. That doesn't mean I can't embellish, but my words are coming from raw, genuine desire and expressing parts of my intentions that often go left unsaid. And they usually should go unsaid if you're not at a distance. Do, don't say. But there's still value in saying it from time to time and expressing your sexuality in a different way. Besides, if you're not authentic and just screwing around, she'll see through it and it ruins the experience. **This is Not a Joke.** While you can joke, don't let the entire exchange become a joke. There's sometimes a temptation (especially if sexting is brand new to your relationship) to maintain plausible deniability by doing something in a way that it can be played off as a gag. Example of what not to do: Take a dick pick. She responds shocked and confused rather than engaging the way you hoped, so you say, ""Yeah, that was funny. Can you imagine if we actually did those things like other people do? Haha. Glad we're not like those weirdos."" No. Don't do that. Own it. Again, be authentic. **Strategically Limited Use of Emojis.** I prefer to avoid emojis whenever possible. However, sometimes the situation calls for it. The best use of emojis seems to be for transitions. You're having a serious conversation about who's getting the kids to practice, then you transition with a wink to change gears from logistics to flirting with a transitional phrase. Example: ""Thanks for taking care of that. I'll have to reward you later ;)"" Saying this with a straight expression, no emoji, some people might not get the hint. Once you use this singular emoji, because the context of the conversation has already changed you shouldn't need to overdo it afterward. She should recognize the suggestive nature of your speech. **Be Different.** Abuse the impersonal and tone-deaf nature of texting by acting out of character. If you're normally a serious, straight-shooter, add some humor and light banter to your sexting. If you're usually a comedian in the home, imagine your persona as that of a secret agent trying to get a Russian spy into your hotel room. This change of character adds an air of mystery that's a little exciting. Even if she doesn't know you're doing this, it can also give you slight hints of role-playing if you've never yet introduced that into your marriage. Ex. You're typically a funny guy in the home. While you can incorporate humor into your sexting, maybe you shift from humorous flirtation to serious. ""I want you. Against the wall. I'll look you dead in the eye. My left hand will hold your face. You can't look away as my fingers slide inside you. I want to see that moment in your eyes."" The reverse should apply as well. If you're typically a straight shooter, try to add a bit more humor and light-heartedness. **Use Strategic Pauses.** Long paragraphs are great for novels, but they don't let her linger on the moment. Sexting should build over time and take time. Novels can get a girl going because there's enough content for her to read for an hour straight to keep the tingles alive. When you're texting, you can't type that fast. You have to let her linger from phrase to phrase, waiting for what comes next. Put periods in sentences that you'd otherwise string together. Ex. ""I want you against the wall so I can look you in the face while I slide my fingers inside"" becomes the example in the previous point, broken up with a new text where every period is, maybe leaving 10-20 seconds between texts. **Make Her Feel Like the Perverted One.** ASD may cause her to present as sweet and innocent, maintaining her self-image (particularly true among Christian women). Nevertheless, if you ignore her self-perceived innocence and act like she's making the dirty comments, this can open up the atmosphere for further conversation. If she feels like you already think she's a little kinky, she has the freedom to feel a little kinky and engage in-kind. Ex. After the ""I'll have to reward you later ;)"" text (above), my wife replies: ""Flowers? :D"" Total ASD. She knew what I meant. So, I respond: ""Hmm ... props for being creative. I never thought about using flowers that way before."" **Lead by Example.** If you want her to say something flirty, be flirty first; if you want her to say something dirty, say something dirty first; if you want her to send a naughty picture, send a naughty picture first. Just don't run faster than she's willing to go if you're expecting her to respond in-kind. Pace the escalation. Ex. I was once flirting with my wife while she was in an air port and I was at work. I was escalating to the point of exchanging pictures. She was shy and unwilling to show cleavage. So, although my ordinary tone of texting is serious (and therefore I'm employing more humor in the banter), I take a pic of myself pulling my work-shirt down with my pecs pressed together, making a kissy face. ""See how easy that was?"" It made her laugh and she returned in kind. **Use Additional Technology.** I have Google Home and Amazon Firesticks set up in my house, each linked to my Spotify account. While at the office with my wife working from home, in the midst of sexting my wife I pulled up Marvin Gaye's ""Let's Get it On"" and remote-casted it to one of the devices in my house. Apparently it scared her at first (note: check your volume levels before you leave the house), but got her to laugh and pulled sexting out of her phone and into her ears. **Don't Ask or Beg.** ""Can you send me a nip pic?"" is not cool. ""C'mon. Just do it. You know you want to."" Even worse. **Do Give Instructions.** ""Tell me ..."" or ""I'm going to do ... then you're going to send me a picture of your ..."" **Don't Tell. Show.** Not just with pictures. Craft a narrative. Think of details that are highly suggestive without saying what you actually mean. The imagery of ""pants around your ankles"" is far more titillating than telling her you want to pull her pants down. The small details are what make the experience come alive for the imagination - not just for her, but for you as well. **Don't Be a Poet.** The offset of the previous point is not to go crazy with metaphors and grandiose language. It destroys authenticity. When you evoke her brain, you ruin immersion. You want your brains to be shut off from the fact that this is all text and living in the scene you're setting. **Use Your Senses.** Don't just talk about what she looks like. Consider your five senses in the way you paint a picture. - What do you see? How are her clothes resting on her body? Are they sliding down her shoulder? Are they in a heap on the floor as you walk over them? Are her nipples standing upright? Are her breasts clenched together? What does she see? Is she staring into your gaze? Are her sight and thoughts lost in the black behind her eyes? Are the lights on or dim or off? - What do you feel? Are there goosebumps? Does a rush of cold air blow over you? What does the room smell like? Are you imagining lit candles? Clean bedsheets? - What do you hear? Is she moaning? Is the ceiling fan gently humming? Is there a sexy playlist on in the background? Are the springs creaking? - What do you taste? How delicious is it for her body to run across your tongue? Are you toying with strokes of sweet strawberries or frigid ice across her tongue? - What do you smell? Are there candles in the room? Does your nose catch the scent of her southern aroma? Is she riding you so hard that you can smell the energy dripping off her skin? _____ You have any other tips that have worked for you? I'd love to hear them. While I've immensely enjoyed my experiences with sexting, especially as one of the few areas where I get to express my writing prowess with my wife, I recognize that I don't do it often and would love to hear more about what works and what doesn't. Given the fact that my wife travels quite a bit for work during busy seasons, this is an art I'd like to continue enhancing and practicing more frequently when the situation calls for it.",,83,Red-Curious,2019-03-05 20:31:30 marriedredpill,axiu71,"Own Your Shit Weekly - March 05, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit. ",,21,AutoModerator,2019-03-05 08:24:28 marriedredpill,ax8hzh,Accomplish Difficult Goals With The 4-Layer Method,"God I fucking hate that title. I read too many business books. We talk a lot about what goals we need to accomplish, but not a ton about HOW to accomplish those goals (especially if you've struggled in the past...and if you hadn't, would you even be here?) &#x200B; Anyway, I picked up this useful method for accomplishing difficult goals in a productivity seminar, and thought I would pass it along. &#x200B; I am assuming you are familiar with [how to set effective goals.](https://felipecastro.com/en/okr/what-is-okr/) And, based on reading the sidebar, you know the general direction you're headed in, right? Good. **There's Always That One Fucking Thing** &#x200B; For almost every system of self improvement, there's going to be on element of it that's much harder than the others. Typically, this is something that goes against our natural tendencies, something we actively dislike and need to expend a lot of will power to get going (building a regular gym habit, for example). &#x200B; It can also be something in which we have a *knowledge gap* \- we're just not sure HOW to get started, and that extra bit of friction prevents us from getting started (I'm like this was game - I haven't done the work to really figure out where, when, and how to practice, and this additional step - sitting down, breaking out some books, and putting together a plan - has thus far added just enough difficulty to trigger my procrastination). &#x200B; Whenever you have one of ""those fucking things"" - a goal that's particularly hard to get traction on - it's a good time to build in *layers of accountability.* &#x200B; **Four Layers of Accountability** &#x200B; When you're resistant to doing the work, outside accountability is often the key. The classic example is that if you're having trouble getting to the gym, you hire a trainer. Knowing that the trainer will be there - expects YOU to be there - provides the extra motivation to get you there. &#x200B; When you have A LOT of resistance to moving forward, build in **4 layers of accountability** to get yourself moving. &#x200B; The 4 layers of accountability: &#x200B; **Internal** (holding yourself accountable by tracking a concrete number and engaging with that number every day) **Mentor** (hire a coach, consultant, or trainer to guide and track your progress) **Financial** (give yourself a financial penalty if you fail) **Social** (have other people keeping track of your progress) &#x200B; Each of these layers should be personally motivating, for YOU. You should pick people that you really do not want to disappoint for social or mentor accountability, for example. For financial, it should be an uncomfortable sum of money - something that would truly hurt. &#x200B; Some examples: **I want to lose weight, but I can't make it happen.** Ok, let's build in four layers of accountability: &#x200B; 1.) hire a diet coach that monitors your diet each week. **(mentor accountability)** 2.) get a friend to lose the weight with you, and check in with each other. **(social accountability)** 3.) Use [https://www.stickk.com/](https://www.stickk.com/) to bet an uncomfortable amount of money that you will lose the weight. **(financial accountability)** 4.) Plot your weight on a graph and post it prominently above your desk **(internal accountability)** &#x200B; **I want to practice more game.** Ok, let's build in four layers of accountability: &#x200B; 1.) Join a meet up group that practices game. **(social accountability)** 2.) Hire a coach that will give you a plan and check on your progress. **(mentor accountability)** 3.) Set a daily conversation target; track it, and do not go to sleep each night unless you hit your target. **(internal accountability)** 4.) Bet your friend that you will get 10 phone numbers in the next 30 days. **(financial accountability)** &#x200B; Having four different layers of accountability is enough to get pretty much anyone moving on anything. Make sure the layers are things you &#x200B; I can already hear some of you saying, ""**Hurr durr you just need to man up and do it bro, hurr durr hurr""** &#x200B; Well, sure. If you can do that, awesome. But if you're having trouble sticking to some of your goals, accountability is a good way of outsourcing enough will power to get you some forward momentum. &#x200B;",,33,resolutions316,2019-03-04 15:44:44 marriedredpill,aw9czv,Stop. Thinking.,"I recently took a break from MRP, and since I've been back I have noticed a LOT of overthinking. Everywhere I turn, in every post - people making things more complicated than they need to be. [This guy, for example](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/aw7u3m/operating_in_your_wifes_or_ltrs_frame/) \- is fucking talking about *Quantum Mechanics.* QUANTUM. FUCKING. MECHANICS. No matter how much you wonder ""Will my wife fuck me tonight??!!!??"" it doesn't mean that she has Schroedinger's Pussy. For fuck's sake. Look - I am not trying to gang up on the dude above. &#x200B; In fact, I only notice posts like this because they remind me of any one of the fifty-bajillion posts I have made on here over-thinking everything from frame, to sex, to validation, to alphas, to betas, to hypergamy, to the manosphere, to.... Well, you get it. &#x200B; Here's the thing: Most of us on here are pretty similar. We're smart. e're motivated. We're good at a lot of shit. &#x200B; Many of us are very successful at work, or in the gym, or at leading people, or at fixing things. &#x200B; When we experience something traumatic - our marriages falling apart, our sex life drying up, the realization that all isn't exactly as we thought - we tend to fall back on our strengths. To try to fix things using the skills that got us here. And what is our strength? What's gotten us this far, what's behind the success we've enjoyed? Thinking. Always thinking! Rationality, logic, trying to be objective, taking data, tracking numbers, setting goals, advancing towards milestones. &#x200B; When you find MRP, there's a huge sense of relief....because it gives you something to *do.* It gives you something to *master.* There are even fucking *levels for christ's sake.* *""WHOA - I'm learning so much new shit! I'm seeing things differently! There are all these books to read, blogs to subscribe to, videos to watch! I'm getting feedback, I have new goals, I'M GOING TO TURN THIS FUCKING SHIP AROUND! I CAN DO ANYTHING!""* &#x200B; This is GREAT, don't get me wrong. Nothing wrong with goals, or books, or dread levels. &#x200B; But here's the reality: &#x200B; It isn't that complicated. You know what MRP looks like, in practice? What all this boils down to? At the gym, day in and day out. Failing tests, day in and day out. Initiating and getting rejected, day in and day out. Trying to lead and having people laugh, day in and day out. Trying as hard as you can to think for yourself, day in and day out. &#x200B; Day in. Day out. &#x200B; And guess what? Little to no thought required. &#x200B; Now...after a while, you start to get stir-crazy. You read some Rollo, you think about how ""western society"" is becoming ""feminized."" You think, *""I think I'm understanding frame in a new way.""* You think, *""I have a theory about how shit tests work.""* You think, *""The best way to understand how to talk to your wife is through* ***quantum fucking mechanics.****""* BULL. SHIT. &#x200B; None of this is work. None of this matters. None of this MEANS ANYTHING. &#x200B; This is your brain, getting bored. This is your brain, rationalizing failure. This is your brain, procrastinating. People have been fucking other people for as long as there are people. You don't need a theory, you don't need something to think about. &#x200B; You need to look at who fucks who - that's everything you need to know, out in plain daylight. &#x200B; The levels, the terminology, the posts, the books - They only help if you get out there and fucking do the hard-ass, boring-as-fuck, no-thinking-required &#x200B; WORK. Everything else is masturbation. And look - masturbation is fun! Go ahead and jerk it a little if you've got the time. &#x200B; But for fuck's sake - No wife ever fucked her husband because he wrote a sick ass Reddit post. &#x200B; So - And, as always, this post is written as much to myself as to anyone else - STOP. &#x200B; FUCKING. &#x200B; THINKING. &#x200B; Love, &#x200B; resolutions316 P.S. And yes, I wrote this post INSTEAD of writing some dumb-ass post about something else because I am a procrastinating fuck. Now I'm going to go lift weights before band practice. The end. &#x200B; &#x200B;",,151,resolutions316,2019-03-01 20:31:39 marriedredpill,avx8x9,Enslaved by Emotions," Over the past year or so, I've spent most of my self-improvement efforts on mastering my emotions. While I don't expect to ever fully 'arrive,’ I am much farther along than I was at the start of the journey. This process has been rewarding but has developed in spurts. Here's my most recent realization. &#x200B; A wife rules her husband to the extent she controls his emotions. &#x200B; You can substitute ‘wife’ for just about anything but this is MRP so we’ll focus on that interaction for now. &#x200B; Whether we want to be or not, humans are emotional creatures. We think, feel and then we act based on a mixture of those thoughts and feelings. Our decisions are not purely rational but instead derived from a complex interchange of desires, emotions, analyses, and goals. If we were purely rational, everyone would be in fantastic shape, customer debt wouldn’t be an issue, and we would basically be a society of robots. Obviously, that isn’t the case. &#x200B; **EMOTIONS & MRP** Let’s get more personal. Let’s look at the ‘average’ husband or the average guy visiting MRP for the first time. He probably wants to get laid more. He wants his wife to be more passionate. More slutty. A bit more active. More eager to follow his lead in life. More respectful of his time and goals. Whatever. He has desires and he may even communicate these desires in a direct and thoughtful way. &#x200B; His wife, on the other hand, has different desires. She has different goals. She wants something in exchange for this type of behavior even if she doesn’t consciously process the interplay in such direct terms. She wants him to be worthy of that type of investment of her time, efforts, energies, and passions. There’s a problem though. The average husband isn’t worthy. He doesn’t command nor does he deserve that type of response. That’s why 50 Shades of Gray was so damned popular. &#x200B; We’ve established that humans are emotional creatures. We’ve agreed that most men who come here for the first time do so because they have desires which are not being fulfilled. Neither of these statements is controversial. So what do we do with that information? How do our emotions affect the degree to which our needs are met? &#x200B; Good question so let’s go back to emotions. Most people do not realize the degree to which your emotions affect your behavior until it is too late. There’s an older movie with Michael Douglas where he is pushed, in his eyes, too far and he snaps. He loses control and does a whole lot of crazy shit. That’s an easy (and obvious) example but there are plenty of other examples. Let’s look at a few from the perspective of husband and wife. &#x200B; Your wife declines sex or provides starfish sex so you become angry about it. Your wife nags at you so you snap back at her. Your wife misbehaves in front of others and disrespects you so you bitch to your buddies about how she is such an ass. In each of these examples, her behavior manipulates your emotions to the point that she is the direct cause of your actions. In simpler terms, she controls how you behave. You are her slave. You are her bitch. She owns you. &#x200B; **THE PROBLEM** This is problematic for several reasons. Why, you ask? First, a man should cannot truly respect himself if he does not rule himself. A man should be able to look himself in the mirror and see that he is his own master. Whatever weakness controls you cannot be hidden forever; it will be found, analyzed, and exploited again and again in life. &#x200B; The second reason this is problematic is that women do not respect men who they control. That’s why betas don’t get laid. The woman owns him and thus doesn’t desire him. He has become a solved puzzle, a useless toy, and a stale joke. An emotionally controlled man cannot surprise his woman, he cannot woo her, and he cannot generate desire from her. Most women don’t want truly sex from men that they truly own and control. They may still use sex to maintain such control but it almost certainly isn’t the type of sex that the man truly desires. &#x200B; This is why STFU is one of the first instructions to men who come here. It removes the most obvious and immediate sign that a woman controls the man. We communicate with words and tones and body language so shutting the fuck up is an important first step of limiting the damage. &#x200B; STFU isn’t the end game though. It’s merely field triage. It’s putting the proverbial finger in the hole in the damn. It doesn’t fix the problem… it just helps you not make the problem worse. Let’s look at a couple of examples of STFU to see what I mean. &#x200B; *First Example* Husband comes home from difficult day of work to a wife that doesn’t welcome him home in any direct or indirect ways. She immediately starts in with a honey-do list and nags about some of his failings. He snaps and gripes back at her about some of her supposed flaws. She wins. &#x200B; Why does she win? Because she controls his emotions. Her antics manipulated him into a response that he probably didn’t want to actually give. Not many guys drive home thinking “I’m gonna lose my shit at my wife tonight… yeah, that sounds like a good bit of fun!” Nope, she wins because she is miserable in her shitty life (which is almost certainly partially his fault) and thus takes it out on him as a means of spreading the misery. &#x200B; *Second Example* Husband comes home from a difficult day of work to a wife that doesn’t welcome him home in any direct or indirect ways. She immediately starts in with a honey-do list and nags about some of his failings. He sighs in a resigned fashion and listens without much of a response except maybe a muttered apology. She wins. &#x200B; Why does she win? Because she controls his emotions. Her antics manipulated him into a response that he probably didn’t want to actually give. Not many guys drive home thinking “I’m gonna act like a subdued bitch tonight… yeah, that sounds like a good bit of fun!” Nope, she wins because she is miserable in her shitty life (which is almost certainly partially his fault) and thus takes it out on him as a means of spreading the misery. &#x200B; See the connection? See how both are different facets of the same control? STFU is great but it’s not a panacea. It’s a tool you overuse temporarily until you master other tools (aka “Frame”) which are better suited to the occasion. &#x200B; **FIXING THE PROBLEM** So how do you fix this? The answer for me was simple yet difficult. You must master your own emotions. Mastery of your own emotions requires real self-awareness, constant vigilance, and a good deal of practice. I’m by no means an expert and so would appreciate it if some MRP vets would chime in on this post. &#x200B; For me, here’s what helped. First, I’ve read quite a bit. My reading list includes the standard MRP sidebar material (NMMNG, WISNIFG, etc.) plus MA’s Meditations, The Subtle Art…, Boundaries by Cloud, Extreme Ownership, JP’s 12 Rules, and a whole bunch of other stuff. Some of the books were great. Some of the books weren’t. I picked up at least one thing from each. &#x200B; Second, I started taking the time to self-reflect each day about why I felt the way that I did when something occurred. Most of this centered around my interactions with my wife. I started to dig into and analyze why I responded in the way that I did. My wife threw out some duty starfish so I got butthurt. Why? My wife nagged about a chore I should have done months ago so I pointed out four things she was behind on. Why? I had to stop and really start to think about these things and what really drove me before I could start to master the impulses that grew to make up these emotions. &#x200B; Third, and perhaps most importantly, I simply decided that I would no longer accept being a slave to my emotions and thus my wife. This seems trite but was pivotal for me. Once I internalized that declaration of intent, it made everything else fit similar to pieces of a jigsaw puzzle snapping into position. My internal repurposing that I would control myself and my emotions was a proclamation that served as the spearhead behind which I improved my life. I’m not talking about positive self-talk. I’m talking about branding an intent upon my soul. &#x200B; This post isn’t intended to be an instructional post as much as a report on what has worked for me. It’s the realization of one guy on how to get his shit together just a bit more. As such, I’m sure there are things that you would change for you. &#x200B; So let’s hear them… we are in this together. ",,46,CaptJohnLukeDiscard,2019-02-28 22:53:07 marriedredpill,avwede,A man with no backbone; A treatise on faking it until you make it.,,https://www.reddit.com/r/NMMNG/comments/avt727/a_man_with_no_backbone_a_treatise_on_faking_it/,44,UEMcGill,2019-02-28 21:24:14 marriedredpill,avng2l,The Global Sexual Marketplace,"Essay: [https://therationalmale.com/2019/02/27/the-global-sexual-marketplace/](https://therationalmale.com/2019/02/27/the-global-sexual-marketplace/) &#x200B; Excerpt: &#x200B; **A Modern SMP** In an upcoming essay I’ll be exploring the deeper reasons why Blank-Slate Equalism is so difficult to purge from our present-day social order. However, I need to detail a bit of this now. We live in a feminine-primary social order (the Gynocracy), but without the Blank-Slate much of the preconception of it collapse. One reason Blank-Slate Equalism remains a social norm (despite a world of empirical proof that destroys it) is because it serves to disguise the ugly realities of a sexual marketplace defined by human evolution. Particularly so in an age of expanding SMP globalism. It’s not just culture, politics, ideology and socioeconomic considerations that are tied to globalization; a global scale sexual marketplace is following among all of this. In the age of global mass communication our localized (tribal) SMPs are replaced with a global standard. That global standard destroys the old local SMPs, but it also selects-out the men who don’t measure up to its standards. This is something I think most MGTOWs and all Incels instinctively know: according to the global SMP selection criteria there are some men who will simply not be selected-for. If the *Black Pill 101* video about how Asian women don’t select Asian men for mating opportunities is any indicator, I think Asian and Indian men are facing this head on today. Now, I expect the first rebuttal to this proposition will be that the present, *global* SMP is a reflection of Westernized beauty standards and horribly distorted expectations. Asian/Indian men seem to want nothing to do with the native women who are ruthless in expressing that they want nothing to do with them. What globalized demographic is really left for these men? The same might be said about socially inept white men seeking an easier sexual marketplace in Asian women. All of this is simple deductive *adaptations*men will naturally resort to when it comes to solving the problems of sex and reproduction. I’m totally accepting that there is a societal influence in all of this. However, I think the incentives to look into the opportunities that a larger global SMP offers is still based on Darwinistic principles. Even Western romanticism is still founded upon natural female arousal cues that define the larger SMP. The global SMP is rooted in the naturalistic, evolved (not socialized) elements that trigger arousal, incentivize parental investment and play off women’s dualistic sexual strategies (Alpha Seed/Beta Need).",,20,Rollo-Tomassi,2019-02-28 05:38:31 marriedredpill,av7tul,The Indispensable Role of Dread Level 3,"***Dread Level 3: Build a life apart from your wife.*** I've been on this RP odyssey for three years now and am finally reading BPP's book, which is very enjoyable.  Now, the chapter on dread level 3 is about two pages.  This seems to jive with the amount of coverage this topic gets in these subreddits at large.  Comparatively we spend much more time talking about lifting, leading, shit tests, comfort tests, stoicism, game, being fun, emotional control, sex, finances and every other related topic. Level 3 is probably taken for granted because even most blue pillers are already doing it to some extent.  Hunting trips, biking, hiking, playing in a band, going to bars, teaching classes, playing softball, video games, magic the gathering, whatever. **Level 3 must not be overlooked.** True dread involves two ingredients: *capability* and *opportunity*.  Many BP guys have opportunity by doing the things they normally do in life.  They just lack the capability.  It's ""safe"" for them to be out in the world because their wives know nobody finds them attractive with their bald spots, slight gut, cargo shorts, and dad sneakers.  The Dread fails to ignite. Conversely, the red piller who is excelling at dread levels 1, 2, 4, and 5 is very attractive: he's jacked, leading the family, in total control of his emotions, dressed to the nines.  There is no doubt about his capability to pull women. But if he's slacking on level 3, he lacks the other major ingredient of dread.  He has no good opportunity and his wife knows it.  He is an alpha on lockdown.  The Dread fails to ignite. **Capability + Opportunity = Dread** **Dread levels 1, 2, 4 and 5 build** ***capability*** **Dread level 3 is** ***opportunity*** You can dick around with the exact ratio of 1, 2, 4 and 5 and the equation still holds.  But without 3 it doesn't ""obtain.""  Does not compute. Being attractive is not the end state.  Sex will improve in quality because of attraction.  Rejections will be less because of attraction.  Behavior will improve. Your home will run like a well oiled machine.  You will have fun.  But without the ignition of fully realized dread, animalistic desire will not materialize. **A lion must wander in the jungle if he is to truly be king.** When you first start becoming attractive, you wife's hamster will do you a huge favor and invent some imaginary opportunity for you.  She will hallucinate a jungle full of new Oneitises growing from the trees.  Fully realized dread will happen for a while, and you will think you've made it.  But eventually without continued, solid DL 3 game she will calm down and realize that it was a false alarm.  He may be a lion now, the Family Alpha, but there's no danger that he'll leave.  She will be legitimately happy, freed from the resentment of having a pathetic bluepilled husband.  But that base instinct to chase and cage a king will be untapped. Your job may be an asset here.  I know realtors who seem to do very well because they escort women through vacant houses all day.  Their social media is active and full of female ""clients"" who comment on their posts.  If your job requires you to travel out of town, that is also obviously big opportunity. My job is not like this.  My wife has hamstered my job away as ""safe"" because it's ""just a bunch of nerdy men in cubicles.""  It's not really, but in her mind that's how it is and that's all that matters. The gym started off as a good source of dread, and maybe still is sometimes, but it's also now ""safe"" simply because it's so routine and hamstered as ""just a bunch of sweaty men."" To succeed in Level 3 you must answer the question:  What kinds of things would you be doing if you were single?  How would you be meeting new people?  Where would you go?  What would you do? You can build an awesome train, but it only goes so far without burning high grade DL 3.",,66,SiegreicherMarsch,2019-02-27 02:14:15 marriedredpill,av09ok,[FR] Honest About Growth," Fellas, I hope all is well out there. It’s been roughly 2 years since my last post. In all honesty, when I read my old posts I cringe but haven’t deleted them so I can remind myself how miserable I was. A lot of anger and a path of destruction that were direct results from a lack of frame. I’ve grown but still feel that I’m lacking some sort of internalization. This post stems from my recent display anger and have been paying the price for what I consider far too long - hopefully my issues are glaring in my post and you guys can pick it apart. **Fitness** 6ft. 1in. / 195lbs / 10% BF (cheap digital BF caliper) / BP: 225 / DL (hexbar): 335 / Sq: 280 (weak) IF / Leangains is the ticket for me. Switched to a daily 20hr. fast - less OMAD more Warrior fast. Had plateaued from BF% perspective but the switch to Leangains (fasted lifting + a restricted eating window) got me over the hump. This has changed my lifestyle and I don’t see myself eating more than 1-2 meals/ day ever again I saw initial positive response to this change but I’m learning that a low BF% isn’t the sole integer to desirability. **Career / $** I’ve accomplished some of my career and financial goals. Increased income at my 9-5, earned my RE license, sold the house my lady bought and bought the current house in my name. Now the house, bills, and most of all the responsibility is on me. This was obviously integral to me getting back to the helm – when I wasn’t even a good deckhand a few years ago. Again, saw initial positive response to this but a lack of frame has squandered this material ‘success.’ **Mental** When I take a step back and am really honest – this is where I have grown the least. From the outside, I am more attractive but lately my aura at home has an underlying tone of frustration. Sometimes I still feel that deep seeded anger, as in my default feeling is destructive. Because I’m still a pussy is the only answer that makes sense. So I tell myself multiple times a day “don’t be a pussy,” and that has been working for me. This morning I broke frame during the morning routine. I was stern with my little one, was tested on said sternness, and proceeded to DEER. “I’m not the bad guy for deciding when enough is enough.” It could’ve kept going but I caught myself being a puss, stopped DEERing, and started having fun with my little one & the fact that I am alive. I don’t think I’m stuck in the anger-phase of this. I’m 28 now, been privy to Hard-Mode for 2 years-n-change, and truly am not mad at women for being women. Entitlement maybe? I can’t call it so I’m seeking professional advice. Obviously, there’s been little positive response to my mental growth. I make progress but the slightest grit of my teeth is an easy in for my lady to highlight a lack of maturity. This has turned into sexual withdrawal – the true motive behind this post. **Low vs. High Vibrations** I’m not a religious person but have been attending a non-denominational church. I find some of it weird but I cannot deny the positive vibrations coming out of service. It has helped shape my mental model of the elusive frame control. My working model: I picture my brain/spirit/soul/whatever as an antenna. And my antenna can connect to the positive or negative frequency. Every moment we are consciously or unconsciously choosing which frequency to connect to. So my frame is my connection the positive frequency / the most-high / whatever you want to call it and every time I allow someone / a situation (a test) to break my connection to the positive frequency *I have lost frame* In short, I have to stop letting outside influences affect my internal vibrations. My antenna has been so weak in years past. Any mild broadcast interruption was able to twist my knobs and tune me right into some negative shit. MRP has taught me that my antenna is supposed to be the strongest in my familial unit. When my girl (or anyone else) enters the scene with negative energy I have two choices: 1.) Allow her antenna to overpower mine and join in on her negative vibrations OR 2.) View her antenna as a broken one that is yearning to vibrate positively again. This doesn’t mean I stop, harness up, and climb her antenna with tools to fix it. I just continue to vibrate positively knowing that her antenna (akin to a windsock) will eventually succumb to my connection. **Summary** Like everyone, I’ve progressed, regressed, side stepped, and shot myself in the foot. I want to high-step like Deion through life – but even he got turf-toe. Was on a consistent positive feedback loop where sex was consistent and fulfilling but my displays of frustration have caused sexual withdrawal in my home that I can’t seem to AA or fog my way out of. Anyone care to unpack? May not be enough meat in the post but I will respond. ",,23,Scubastyles,2019-02-26 14:52:15 marriedredpill,aux2jc,"Own Your Shit Weekly - February 26, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit. ",,16,AutoModerator,2019-02-26 08:24:27 marriedredpill,aumpbe,[FR] Be Social with Everyone,"I had a history of being anxious in social situations and would rather put my head down and just go about my business when I was out and about. As part of my MAP, I decided it was time to change that and have pushed myself to talk to anyone I encounter regardless of where, when and who they are. Sure sometimes people brush me off but most of the time people are happy to chat for a minute or two. &#x200B; About 6 months ago, I made friends with a barista at a local coffee shop - not what you are thinking - shes a 45 year old woman, attractive for an older woman but honestly never thought about it that way at the time. We would chit chat about all kinds of things including my boys and her daughters. On occasion, her daughters, who are like hot young versions of their mom, would come in to say hi while she was working and she introduced me and we would make small chit chat here and there - they do yoga and I do too for BJJ so that became a topic of conversation. Even though I run some day game - I intentionally have never went there with these girls because my wife frequents that coffee shop and the barista knows I'm married and even knows my kids. &#x200B; Fast forward to this past weekend and I'm walking around with the wife and kids and we walk past the coffee shop and one of the daughters is sitting in the window on her computer. She waves and then excitedly motions me to come in so I pop in and she says that she actually got a job teaching yoga finally and that I should drop in some time to one of the classes she teaches because she needs to fill her classes up. I say cool yeah maybe if you are lucky some time I will drop in, she laughs and I leave it at that. &#x200B; I get shit tested a few times on the walk home about how I know her and just basically leave it as she's some girl I run into at the coffee shop from time to time. The wife keeps pressing so I decide to have some fun with it and tell her that shes actually one of the girls who's auditioning to be her replacement - my wife has a running thing that she thinks shes going to die this year (she doesn't take care of herself and has had a few issues in the last year - an area I need to be a better captain in for sure) and I always joke that I better start auditioning for her replacements. She huffs off and gets ready for her birthday dinner that we are having out with our friends. &#x200B; Dinner goes well and we are all hanging out having drinks and she tells me that she really needs to know who that girl in the coffee shop is and that I'm being shady - I just basically keep up the teasing and sort of ignore it. At one point she says she has to go to the bathroom and I tell her to go to the unisex bathroom and wait for me to knock - she giggles says I'm bad and walks off. I honestly didn't think she would listen but figured its worth a shot to see so I go and knock on the door, she opens it, pulls me in and we get at it like fucking crazy. &#x200B; Being social isn't just about day gaming or catch/release - it is about literally talking to everyone and anyone because you never know what might happen from those interactions. There is always something interesting to talk to people about and most of the time people just like to talk about themselves so its super easy once they get on topic. I do know that if I had not forced myself to talk to the barista then I probably would never have been introduced to her daughters and maybe this entire evening plays out differently.",,107,hack3ge,2019-02-25 15:55:45 marriedredpill,augwvk,"Ego and Lies, Self Actualization, Belief Systems, and Free-Will","Here’s a story that relates to one’s “red-pill journey” and process of unplugging. I knew a guy who when growing up felt like a loser, completely convinced he had no prior achievements or anything to be proud of in regards to accomplishments in his life, or even himself and his personality being ""incompetent"". He had always been told and felt deep inside his heart, mind, and soul that he was not worthy, not capable, and that no matter what he did, he and his efforts would always come up short or be ""shot down"". When in actuality, this couldn't be further from the truth. You see, we all have in our minds, this deep fingerprint or structural back laying of who we are and what our personalities are. These are our true personalities, and can be easily manipulated and molded like a ball of wet clay. Things like positive events as you grow up like playing sports, exploring your body, playing, social experimentation and meeting other kids, as well as having positive role models to look up to. Then you can have the negative: abuse, neglect, lies, laziness, poor role models. All of these things and everything that has ever happened to you shape this wet clay that is your personality, self esteem and confidence. This ball of wet clay if you will, can be protected, it can be protected by your free will, your beliefs or by your ego. Your beliefs are your center, and your core because without any beliefs, you are simply a ship without an anchor. Your free will lets you go where you want to go, when and where, and you comprehend and are made aware of anything that doesn't abide to your beliefs along the way. Both free will and belief are critical in becoming successful and getting ""your back off the wall"" and moving in the right direction. What will not get you in the right direction, and is something that every human being struggles with, is ego. Ego will lie to you, ego will show you a path and tell you it's a shortcut when really it will lead to destruction or a waste of your time. Ego will taint others' perceptions of you, like loved ones or friends, and can poison these relationships beyond repair. Ego will turn your guts upside down with frustration when you realize that you've gotten nowhere, and that you've been living in your own prison, and you are no further down the ""right path"" than you were when your Ego told you this was a better path to take. The biggest thing in life is to find something to keep you centered, to fight your Ego. Whether this be martial arts, sports, dancing, art, working out and exploring your body, playing an instrument. You need to have a compass to tell you where you are in terms with your Ego, how far off path you are, how aligned you are or ""in tune"" with who you really are. You can't rely on others to tell you these things, because people won't always tell you when you are wrong. This also makes you reliant on others, when you should be 100% self-sustainable. Don't get me wrong, ego seems ""good"".. it seems rewarding, it seems intoxicating, it seems real. But in reality, this is far from the truth. Very similar to alcohol or cocaine. These are not the true emotions or the true YOU that lies beneath, rather a false-sense of feeling happy or feeling good, that lasts very short. After that it turns on you and destroys you. Always have an Ego compass. Anyways, back to the story of my friend. As he was growing up, he had these beliefs in his mind that were just that.. BELIEFS IN HIS MIND. Not in the minds of others, not in the very fabric of the universe as we know it, not in the minds or DNA or atoms of the animals and trees that blossom from the soil. This was only in his mind. Remember that your beliefs can be manipulated similar to your personality, because people change. I believe in change. Change is good is one hell of a saying man. But any ways, this belief system in his mind could be changed, so he told himself one morning that he can change, that that was who he was, and he no longer needs to be that way. He is not who he was 1 day ago, 1 minute ago, 1 second ago. He can choose what he says, does, and puts out in this world. And in turn, this changes his beliefs. And especially, his beliefs about himself. Today, that man, my friend, has the mind sharp as a razor's edge, belief and free will hard as a rock, and his Ego is sound asleep. This all comes from discipline, being real with yourself, having pride but using it to channel your emotions and to fuel your journey through life in order to create a positive self esteem and confidence in one's ability to over come anything. For if you can conquer your own mind, you can conquer anything. Nothing in this world will do this for you, it is all in your mind and only you can tame the lion. ",,27,Slim-Pickins-,2019-02-25 04:28:06 marriedredpill,ati8up,Red Pill and Cooking: Techniques [Rian Stone's Youtube],,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EYgyjVORdTA,37,[deleted],2019-02-22 14:31:31 marriedredpill,atknxu,"2017 at the 21 Convention, Orlando Florida","[I came out of the closet for this shit](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NvBLPsymo_E) And what the hell do you talk about? Dread of course. In this case, I used a little story telling to get a guy to understand what we do here. I wish I could add more context to this, but the sidebar does it for me. Walking a man through the 12 levels of dread. Kudos to /u/dirty_pr I met a few of his friends that day, as well as /u/chump_no_more, Rollo, Hunter, and the rest of the guys from here. the first Reddit meetup in history that wasn't full of fat dudes playing Dungeons and Dragons",,18,RStonePT,2019-02-22 17:58:17 marriedredpill,at82sf,Call for contributors: 60 DoD 2019 Edition,"Those of you who have been around a while know about 60 DoD. The rest of you n00bs should know about it from reading the side bar, right? RIGHT? Traditionally I have hand-selected contributors for the weekly posting. This year I am changing it up and looking for people to volunteer. If you are interested, please see the previous years' posts and pick a topical area you would like to tackle. Register your interest here with a reply and a short description of what you want to submit (i.e. the week, and a one-sentence description of your specific content). Don't be discouraged if other people are volunteering for your preferred topic. We've been known to do more than one post per week if there is abundant quality afoot. Plus, there is no guarantee I'll take all comers, so put in your idea. I am aiming to launch 60 DoD on 3/25 so that, as usual, the 60 days dumps you out at Memorial Day weekend, the unofficial start of summer. Get ready you fuck-ups; it's time to get real.",,34,SorcererKing,2019-02-21 20:34:43 marriedredpill,asqi8r,Depressive and Anxious Wives: How it's all your fault.,"Having been on this MRP journey for a while now, I often see new and old folks continually providing information in regards to depressive wives but I’m not sure if it’s been covered yet in extensive detail for the crowd here that actually want to take ownership of the problems. For the record, my wife is diagnosed with a severe anxiety disorder that leads to depression and bi-polar tendencies. She also has family history of anxiety disorders. That’s what the doctors tell us, anyways. Like a lot of people here, I came to MRP with some or all of the following ideas. Maybe you have found yourself saying the following: * My wife is suffering from depression. * My wife is on some type of medication(s) to help treat that depression so I’m lucky – meds will help me solve this. * My wife is crazier than the average AWALT woman. She has *<insert disorder here>* and that makes her crazier. I am contemplating if my woman picker and vetting method was wrong. * If she would just get her shit together our lives would improve. * Intimacy and sex in my marriage is lacking or an IV drip, and I want better. It's due in part to her depression or anxiety. # First statement: Your wife is suffering from depression. Remember, way back when, you were dating your wife and she was bubbly and *fun* to be around? She perhaps even acted like a little girl – wanting to please you in any way she could. That was awesome, right? Well, it’s not like that now, right? It’s because *she’s suffering from XYZ ailment or depression*, right? Wrong, faggot. Now picture this: You’re truly OYS. You are as close as you can be to the man you want to be right now. radiate positive warm energy with zero ego. When you come into a room, that room *literally comes alive.* People remember your energy from last time and greet you warmly. You’re a man of strength and impeccable truth. You meet an old friend at a local bar for a single malt scotch and in two hours you have three women give you their number without you asking – and you’re 100% certain that two of them would have fucked you in the parking lot given the opportunity. You say goodbye to your buddy after two drinks only and head home. What would you expect as you entered your home? The same energy you felt in that room. How long has it been since you gave off that masculine energy in your home that literally brings your wife alive? Through your humor and deep understanding of who you are, can you guide her through her depressive moods into being alive again? Are you that skilled at winning this shit test? If your wife is depressed, **it’s all your fucking fault.** You’re not being the man that you need to be. Yet, you continue to live with your depressed wife because…. Well, why do you? Because you innately know that you’ve at least *contributed* to her depression and know the “fixer” inside of you must fix this. Men are great at fixing shit. Especially when we’ve broken it ourselves. Here’s a wakeup call for you dude: you didn’t contribute to her depression – you set the stage for it and all she did was fill your container. But your container was a sad looking one at that because even you don’t know your own fucking potential. **Your wife knows your potential and is a mastermind of seeing right through your bullshit excuses.** **She only desires the best in you.** It’s programmed in her DNA. She’s also programmed through hypergamy to stay with your Beta non-achieving existence until she literally has a depressive breakdown and runs to Alpha Chad. So, what do you do? Accept that this is all your fault. Sidebar. Lift. Let go of your ego that it’s her fault she’s depressed. It’s yours. Sidebar. Lift. STFU. Post here. Get advice. Get as close as you can be to the man you want to be – and watch your house and container have the opportunity to be full of great energy again. If you’re not giving your wife the opportunity 100% of the time to fill your great container, *you’re enabling her depression.* Everytime you say to yourself “but she is depressed” you are DEERing and making excuses. DEERing is enabling behavior, and in this case you’re essentially saying: I’m not strong enough to handle her. Maybe you’re not strong enough *right now*. The greatest teacher you will ever encounter is usually your wife. She will test you to the ends of the earth for congruency so that when you enter the world you are primed to deliver her the best slab of meat, pile of money, healthiest children, and happiness. She looks to you to provide everything in her life and the only way she can ensure you deliver is if she tests the fuck out of you. She wants to submit to your greatness and fill the container provided more than anything she has ever wanted. It’s in her DNA. Will you be the man that’s *capable* of doing that? # Second Statement: My wife is on some type of medication(s) to help treat that depression so I’m lucky – meds will help me solve this. You’re trying to rationalize medications = fix her depression. DEER some more, faggot. This is a touchy subject. Most of the medical community agrees that there are chemical imbalances in the brain that can cause certain behaviors to outshine others given certain triggers, situations, or lifestyle. Instead of focusing on those things it’s a lot easier to re-calibrate the brain chemical balance nowadays to placate people with an easy way out. That’s the faggot way out. Personally I do think there is a time and place for SSRI’s or similar. But only when you’re not strong enough to handle that on your own. Maybe you need a bump to get you through to your next mission. That is still DEERing, but it’s controlled and with forethought. If you have goals in mind like: I will take this, knowing it’s not going to help me long term, but will help me short term to get back on track…. Take the SSRIs or encourage your wife to do so. However, it is not a long term fix. The only long term fix for recalibrating the brain is unfucking yourself and leading your wife to do the same to fall into your unfucked frame. Medications like SSRIs also decrease libido in both sexes and well… we know how scared you are of that. So, stop making excuses or rationalizing pill popping. For the record, my wife was on 4 different medications until about a year ago. You name it, she’s had it for years. For some reason I encouraged her to drop all meds. She did. It was a mistake. I did not yet have the frame required to lead her to filling my great container because frankly – I didn’t have a great container to show her. I lacked frame. I would suggest encouraging your wife to come down/off of medications once you’re confident you can hold frame and lead her. My wife is now medication free and happier than I have seen her ever because now I can hold frame. She still has depressive waves and crazy anxious moments, but the oak tree gently sways in her storms and provides a safe place for her. You become the solution to the depression and anxiety – not medications. # Third Statement: My wife is crazier than the average AWALT woman. This *could* be true, but you win in both scenarios: 1. **She is** crazier than the average AWALT woman. Great! You’ve been given the opportunity of a lifetime to become an even better and stronger version of yourself than you ever knew possible. You’ll learn a lot from her. You’ll learn to be the best fucking oak tree there is. If you decide to next her after learning everything you can and because it’s actually that serious, you’ll be primed to take your training with you. Be thankful your wife is crazy. You're in the top 1% elite motherfuckers out there and will slay them all. 2. **She is** ***not*** crazier than the average AWALT woman. Great, then you probably recognize that when she does act like this you’re DEERing and enabling shitty behavior most of the time. You probably recognize this is all your fault. Give her a better container and you’ll be fine. # Fourth Statement: If she would just get her shit together our lives would improve. Well, yeah. Duh, faggot. Of course you want her to get her shit together. But how can she get her shit together when she is married to Captain Fucktard? She can’t. She will continue to test you and your congruency until she is satisfied. Only then will she begin to look inward at herself and make changes to not let the 1000ft rope slip out of her hands. In my experience there is always a rope. You will have learned to be patient and strong enough to notice even minor efforts and failures for her to get her shit together and follow you. In my humble opinion, the greatest men that I know have the most patience and are willing to play the long game to get exactly what they want in the end. You will have to ask yourself how patient you’re willing to be. That’s personal to you. # Fifth Statement: Intimacy and sex in my marriage is lacking or an IV drip, and I want better. It's due in part to her depression or anxiety. Of course you want more and better sex, faggot. “But my wife is depressed”, right? Wrong. It’s all your fucking fault. If you truly are willing to work hard for what you want it will require just that: hard work. Stop being Captain Faggot that feels entitled to your wife’s sexual desire. You will not change your sex life overnight. Your wife won’t suddenly get a magic pill that will make her Mrs. Cocklover and cure her depression. Your wife won’t suddenly wake up one day and realize her man is getting a little bit better. Your wife will fight you tooth and nail not to follow your lead and hard work. Only when you have achieved abundance will she submit to you. Your wife might have sex with you, but she won’t fuck you with all she’s got. Why? Because you are [enervating](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/4fe7pk/how_to_handle_a_wife_that_is_always_sick_andor/d28l473/) and literally sucking any bit of good energy out of her. She can only generate so much good energy on her own. Do you like sucking dick? Because it’s not your job to suck on her, faggot. It’s her job to suck on you. So give her something good to suck on: your true self, direction, power, love, ambition, direction, sexual energy, and strength. Let her suck it out of you. If you’re truly that man you’ll be so full of abundance it will feel like a drop of water missing in the ocean. Or alternatively, it will feel like she blew your so hard and passionately that when you cum you still have enough in reserves for her to *suck on you all over again, and again.* That’s power. She will suck that out of you faster than you’ve ever seen. That’s why we talk here so much about abundance. You have to hold more than just for yourself so that the container can be filled with what she sucks out of you. The more often you have abundance for her to suck down her little throat, the more often she will know it’s available to be an escape to. She’s seeking escape from her depression. Give her the best you’ve got, and she’ll come back to you time and time again. # Final Thoughts: This is how I’ve moved my wife from clinically depressed with a severe anxiety disorder to a place of peace – or as peaceful as her physical mind will allow her to be. She still has manic moments, but they are quickly resolved by an abundant frame if I have it available. And now she immediately gets into bed every night and the first that she does is grab my cock because… it’s safe. It’s an escape. She doesn’t want to lose this safe place that she can come to anytime, without judgement. In turn, she feels that power of the oak and is undeniably attracted to it. But, you have to like your wife. Yes, you love her. But you really have to *like* her to want to go through this journey with her. You have to want to be the best version of you ever. Strength, motherfuckers. &#x200B; ***Edit:*** Looks like there needs to be some clarification for the noobs that come here since you all tend to take anything written as Gospel: 1. You’re not a doctor. Make sure she has one. No one is suggesting you encourage a person on meds to treat depression or anxiety to completely go cold turkey on them. I did that, it was a huge mistake. My wife very well could have had a psychotic break – but I was lucky. Don’t do that. Guided tapering by a qualified medical professional is essential here. 2. The idea behind tapering meds is that once YOU HAVE AN ABUNDANT FRAME it will allow you to re-baseline the relationship and your/her behavior. You may be able to uncover covert contracts in this way. My wife may need to re-balance with medication in the future, but it will come from a *different* and more powerful frame. 3. You need to calibrate to your own personal situation. Don’t go Rambo. This shouldn’t read like a “how-to”. 4. I agree that *some* (note: minor %) people could be inherently bad picks and have serious issues. I agree that exists. The difference is from which *frame* you hold with them. If you can do all the hard work you should be able to make a very, very easy decision as to whether or not they are irredeemable. But until you do that, you’re DEERing and operating from a weak frame making weak assumptions and weak decisions. Strength, motherfuckers. *Edit*: [Part 2: Transformation and Building Escape](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/c06qfe/depressive_and_anxious_wives_transformation_and/)",,192,HornsOfApathy,2019-02-20 16:44:40 marriedredpill,astp7x,The 21 Convention – Patriarch's Edition,"**Essay:** [https://therationalmale.com/2019/02/20/the-21-convention-patriarchs-edition/](https://therationalmale.com/2019/02/20/the-21-convention-patriarchs-edition/) &#x200B; **A Convention for Men** This is the *Patriarch’s* Edition of the 21 Convention. There’s a reason it was named this – it’s intentionally triggering to the mindset that despises anything masculine. It’s meant as an affront to organizations and individuals who think masculinity is ridiculous or evil, or something to be apologized for. It’s intended to be offensive to the *Village*. *Patriarch* is a title that doesn’t just imply responsibility, but also a deserved respect and authority in being a man. And that masculine authority is sometimes rightly disrespectful to a feminine-primary sensibility. We reject the idea that masculinity is some nebulous, subjective definition of what makes a man a Man. We reject the idea that conventional masculinity is something obscure, ridiculous, “toxic” or inherently evil. And we reject the effeminate redefining of masculinity, often by oblivious men themselves, to better serve a Feminine Imperative. That said, the reason I prefaced this announcement with the above discussion is because I’m getting some mixed response about whether or not “Red Pill” ought to extend beyond the context of Game (from the PUA side) or simply abstaining from marriage and potentially family altogether (the MGTOW side). Both of these perspectives need to understand that this convention is not intended to promote marriage as some idealistic goal for men. On the contrary, it’s about informing men of the very real dangers marriage poses to men. It’s also designed to promote conventional masculinity as a much needed solution to the endemic social ills created by an unquestioned female-supremacism that resulted from 50+ years of [***Fempowerment***](https://therationalmale.com/2016/04/24/fempowerment/). If you’re one of the men I’ve described above this is your conference. When this convention was first announced I had a lot of confused men asking me what it’s all about. Is this a good convention for me and my son? Is this for fathers, divorced men, men awakened while married? This convention is for all of these men and more.",,11,Rollo-Tomassi,2019-02-20 21:02:03 marriedredpill,as85ti,"Own Your Shit Weekly - February 19, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit. ",,17,AutoModerator,2019-02-19 08:24:27 marriedredpill,as17po,Wage War on Inactivity,"*Edit:* **This post's intention is not to tell you how to lose weight. The purpose is to spread awareness of inactivity and provide some ideas on how you can be more active in your life.** **If you want to lose weight, get your macros and nutrition dialed in right.** &#x200B; Last week I weighed myself and noticed that I was about the same weight as I was a few years ago when I was trying to ""dirty bulk"" and had weighed the heaviest I'd ever had in my life. It was a huge slap in the face. I'd not weighed myself in a few months because I read somewhere that *""the scale doesn't matter as long as you're making gains in the mirror"".* I was confused. I've been going to the gym at least 5x a week. In the past few months I've only had a handful of beers in total. I had turkey beef and broccoli all last week for lunch and I've been intermittent fasting. How the fuck did I gain 20 lbs in the last few months? I'm not gonna flatter myself and convince myself it's all muscle. My stomach does look bigger. There are a few more rolls on my ab area when I sit and lean forward. My pants have been fitting a little tighter. It's not because the laundry and dryer machine are shrinking them. *Fuck.* After some online research and lifestyle reflecting, I realized that my habits and actions lately have been completely **sedentary.** Besides lifting weights, I've been a **lazy fuck.** I sit all day at work and only really get up to take a piss. I don't even walk down the street to the Mexican spot on my lunch anymore. I fucking drive there and convince myself that it's too cold out. Even in the fucking gym, I spend 2-3 minutes on rest times. I don't push myself on supersets and I've hamstered to myself that I don't need any cardio to lower by body fat %. Weekends are even worse. Sitting down and playing video games a little too much or binging movies and TV. Convincing myself that I deserve the *""break from all the mental energy I've outputted during the week"".* Too many cheat meals on the weekends too. This post is a bit of a rant but I hope it's a wake up call to some of you. I've recently moved into a new apartment with my SO so I've seen it as an opportunity to set new habits. Below I will provide habits and ideas I've already implemented or will implement to **get the fuck up and wage war on inactivity.** • All weekend I've been drilling shit into walls and moving stuff around. **Whatever needs to get done in the house get it done.** Use a screwdriver when applicable instead of a power drill to work your forearms and wrists. • I personally prefer **hand washing the dishes** vs. using a dishwasher. Me and my SO have an agreement that she will tackle laundry and I take care of dishes. Dishes aren't the funnest thing to do but when listening to an audio book (currently listening to *""The Game""*) it flies by. Standing, scrubbing, moving large pans around is an easy way to burn a few calories. • We live upstairs so instead of trying to muscle and awkwardly try to carry multiple trash bags and boxes towards the dumpster, I can just carry one thing at a time and lightly **jog up and down the steps.** • We just got her dog back from her mom's place. I've never owned a dog but now I have a responsibility and excuse to **go out on walks or runs every day.** I plan on implementing a HIIT cardio on my runs with her. My new running shoes are arriving tomorrow, but fuck it, I'm taking her running in my vans when I get home from work tonight. • I've pulled the sports watch out from the bottom of my misc. drawer and now carry it to the gym to time my resting. **45 - 60 seconds on rest times.** Unless I'm doing **supersets** in which case I get no rest times. Implementing **standing workouts** vs. sitting (standing shoulder press vs. sitting). It feels good actually breaking a sweat after so long. • I'm keeping a **jump rope in my office** at work. If for some reason I can't go to the gym, 10-20 minutes of HIIT jumproping will do the trick. • **Taking my own trash out at work.** Excuse to stretch my legs and give my mind and eyes a break from a monitor. • Just doing some **pushups and lunges** in between chilling at home. These are just some changes and habits I've implemented or will immediately begin doing in order to burn more calories and prevent myself from being a lazy fat fuck. Feel free to share your own below!",,37,Don_Draper27,2019-02-18 19:50:20 marriedredpill,ar9zu2,Fuck The Red Pill,"Fuck The Red Pill. Not long ago I used to be able to watch a movie and not pick up the subtle undertones and character relationship models I am now forced to see like an ugly stripper on stage. Here we have a story, about a man and a woman. Their names are Ralph and Vanellope. While not in a sexual relationship they have been BFF's for six years. Every day they work when the arcade is open and every night they do the same thing. Chill, go drink at Tappers and watch the sunrise. It’s the same routine, day in and day out. Ralph, being a simple minded man is perfectly fine with this, however Vanellope like all women - they want more. They want excitement in their lives. Complaining of her job to Ralph, he goes and builds her a new track. Typical nice guy, trying to solve his woman's problems. Well, that plan backfires as during the process Vanellope shows how selfish she really is. She rides the track to not only the detriment of her own game, but all her subjects in the game. She overrides her programming and fights the user who is playing the game to the point her game breaks. AWALT? As the game is unplugged Ralph and Vanellope head out on a quest to eBay to find her replacement steering wheel and hopefully restore her game. During this process, two very significant events happen. Vanellope finds a new game with new and exciting people to be with and Ralph continuing his nice guy status, literally works his ass off making video's and meme's to save his friends game, while she puts forth minimal effort to do the same. What is Ralph attempting to save? Her game? Or his status-quo relationship with Vanellope? Vanellope has already moved on mentally. She was sad at first when she lost her game, but now she has a new game ran by the amazingly hot Gal Gadot (giddy). Not only does she willingly leave behind her ""princess"" status where she is the boss in her own game, she leaves behind all her people as well. All that security and her loyal subject for a taste of the excitement and rush of a new life. After Ralph has slaved away getting the necessary funds to buy her steering wheel he sits outside of eBay waiting for his friend to come and give him the love and attention he deserves. After all, he literally has saved her game for her! He is the fucking hero! But she doesn’t give a fuck. She is sitting on the hood with Gal talking shit about her man. Ralph over hears their conversation and gets pissed. In a final attempt to beta trap his girl back into their relationship he unleashes a virus inside her game, nearly killing his girl in the process. Like all forms of insecurity, this all comes to a epic battle in the end that is the Ralph insecurity virus and Ralph finally coming to the realization that he needs to be a man, and let his woman go. Going to gloss over the fact that Disney delivered one final blow to male masculinity when all the princesses needed to save a ""big strong man"" from his death by catching him in a dress, but whatever. Ralph moves on with his life. He accepts the fact Vanellope is going to live with Gal, and starts to focus on himself. The motherfucker already knows how to lift and is huge, so he had that going for him already. But he invests time into other areas, makes new (old) friends, hobbies and does his own thing. Even if that thing is burning pies. There are so many Red Pill lessons in this movie, it literally makes me sick to not only have to see this shit, but to know some Disney motherfucker is thinking about this and programming it into movies and programming our kids. But this is MRP and not the conspiracy reddit so I digress. This is the exact same script so many of you motherfuckers run through in the attempt to save your marriage. Just replace game with Chad and meme with marriage counselor and toss in a side of Hypergamy. At the end of the day, the focus has to be on yourself. What if Ralph would have invested the time in the beginning - on himself. Why did Vanellope have to leave for him to start doing other hobbies, back yard BBQ's and being an expert at making burnt pies? All of this ties back to my [The Affair](https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/a191sz/fr_the_affair/) post. The premise is the same. Once she has mentally checked out, the game is lost and you need to know that. Get to work motherfucker, and not on building a new track. No one is going to stick around for a beta man.",,95,red-sfpplus,2019-02-16 15:56:36 marriedredpill,ar18yf,"Interesting. A mashup of what we talk about here, and some food.","[Here, videos showing our stuff](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ALMvW4_A99U) [Imagine poaching some eggs and talking to a buddy about his cheating whore wife who feels really bad](https://www.chumplady.com/2013/07/real-remorse-or-genuine-imitation-naugahyde-remorse/) Made me think Over the years, a bunch of guys in here have come after catching or suspecting the wife of banging another dude. Of course, most guys are too embarassed to admit it to themselves, but they actively try to blame themselves for her actions, or remove her agency. Back from years ago and users like /u/anythinginc had this wonderful contribution in MRP. How you can tell if your wife actually is sorry she screwed up, or just sorry that she got caught. I understand the guy who made them used to be a regular here. My favourite part is the comments section. A lot of guys saying cheating is an automatic no, hard next. I don't disagree, but for the co dependant guy who doesn't have the fortitude to do that, it's a roundabout way to make him ask the questions he needs to ask of himself, so he realizes that she's not sorry, only manipulative. I see a lot of guys in OYS weekly posts who are in a lesser form of this path. I guess many guys need the scenic route to get to the same place often times.",,21,RStonePT,2019-02-15 21:04:01 marriedredpill,aqxahx,Statistics on Office Affairs according to Forbes,"Saw this article from Forbes in my Linked in feed. [It gives some data about office affairs and relationships.](https://www.forbes.com/sites/kimelsesser/2019/02/14/these-6-surprising-office-romance-stats-should-be-a-wake-up-call-to-organizations/#314a77a623a2) Particular highlights include - * More than half of employees have engaged in an office romance. * Almost one in five employees who were in a committed relationship have had an affair with a colleague. * A whopping 18% of employees reported having a random hookup with a coworker. * Almost three in four (72%) would participate in an office romance again if given the chance. The big one for us is the 2nd bullet point. 1 in 5 people in a committed relationship had an affair. If I gave you 20% odds, you'd most likely be fine, but the odds of the miss aren't insignificant. For context, [psychology today](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-single/201010/how-often-do-people-really-cheat-each-other) has rates at 20-25% for men vs. 10-15% for women - so the numbers line up well. Remember these numbers are over time, so we're talking about integration of all experiences, not a single time window calculation. This just means that any given time, the chances of this being true is much less than 1 in 5. The analysis behind the article is more of a HR-based assessment instead of human psychology. It makes a lot of sense why people would be so open to office romances. These factors include: * Alignment in Socioeconomic Status - the people you work with are general at your level in terms of income and values, completely different than the bars or online dating * Alignment in Education/Attainment Levels - the people you work have similar levels of education, skill sets, capabilities, and mindsets. * General exposure and constant relationship building - we spend 1/3 of our lives with the people we work with. that means there's probably more time to build relationship with co-workers than with your wife. And finally, work relationships are a fun, novel fantasy. It's not a day-to-day grind. Which begs the question - if your relationships can be described as a ""day-to-day grind"", what are you actually doing? Edit: [I just wanted to share this incel's comment](https://imgur.com/a/FQ7GEPa) on this very interesting topic du jour.",,42,[deleted],2019-02-15 14:51:41 marriedredpill,aq5wyi,what to do instead of DEERing ?,"just learnt about DEERing... thanks reddit : ) ... but what to do instead? just sit there with your mouth shut? its a serious question. appreciate all insights! the only thing I can come up with is : agree and amplify",,31,fischbrot,2019-02-13 12:07:27 marriedredpill,app130,The Real You,"Essay [https://therationalmale.com/2019/02/11/the-real-you/](https://therationalmale.com/2019/02/11/the-real-you/) &#x200B; Excerpt &#x200B; All of this takes time, persistence and introspection, but it starts with an act of will on your part. You will only get what you have gotten if you keep doing what you have done. I can teach you Game. I can teach you the habits that would make others believe you’re a self-sufficient Alpha success, but only you can change your authentic personality. This is where a lot of guys lose the trail when it comes to being Red Pill aware. They read my books, they open their eyes, but they don’t know what to do with the information. Rich Cooper once told me that reading *The Rational Male* was like drinking from a firehose. There’s a lot to digest and a lot to confront with regards to how that information shows you, convicts you, of how you lived your life up to this point. But what do you do with it? Knowing is half the battle, the other half is action. The other half is implementing that knowledge to your own advantage. Ever since I started writing I’ve always referred to myself as a *Lesser Alpha*. Some people think that’s self-deprecating, others think I’m just a married Beta with delusions of Alpha. Whatever. Either way, I’m a guy who took this knowledge and applied it to serve my own best interests and forge a truly authentic personality based on what I understand of what we call the Red Pill. I created a *me* of my own volition based on a realistic understanding of intersexual dynamics, but also of a better understanding of myself in that Red Pill paradigm as a result of it. So, who is the real you? Who decides what your real personality is and what is authentic for you? What is the estimate that your  personality is based on? I get sick of hearing women and men talk about finding themselves. Women love the idea of a journey of self discovery. This is a fantasy of Blue Pill idealism meant to, again, keep one in a state of helplessness and hypoagency. Women use this garbage as a convenient rationale meant to excuse their past bad decisions.  Red Pill men don’t find themselves, they build themselves.  They forge themselves  into a creation of their own choosing based on realistic assessments of themselves, their conditions and the world that challenges them not to build himself. I wrote this essay to encourage you, but also to warn you that this building takes time, and you will meet all manner of resistance to the masculine project that is you.",,49,Rollo-Tomassi,2019-02-12 03:51:33 marriedredpill,apr730,"Own Your Shit Weekly - February 12, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit. ",,9,AutoModerator,2019-02-12 08:24:27 marriedredpill,apn367,[FR] Careful how (and if ever) let your wife take lead in bed.. Major shit test can ensue- OP may never recover,,https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/apinoy/need_help_my_wife_is_convinced_i_am_a_gay_man/,41,Redpillbrigade17,2019-02-12 00:23:34 marriedredpill,aoyztk,"Book Suggestion: ""Can't Hurt Me"" by David Goggins","I first heard of this guy on Joe Rogan's podcast, but the author of this book is a bona fide badass. From Amazon: ""David Goggins is a retired Navy SEAL and the only member of the U.S. Armed Forces ever to complete SEAL training, U.S. Army Ranger School, and Air Force Tactical Air Controller training. Goggins has competed in more than sixty ultra-marathons, triathlons, and ultra-triathlons, setting new course records and regularly placing in the top five. A former Guinness World Record holder for completing 4,030 pull-ups in seventeen hours, he's a much-sought-after public speaker who's shared his story with the staffs of Fortune 500 companies, professional sports teams, and hundreds of thousands of students across the country."" I thought it worth submitting to the MRP community because the mental concepts he uses in training are essential for anyone serious about working out and/or improving themselves. He also has some amazing experience in using his mind to get him through some shitty situations and major life setbacks. He was nearly 300lbs when he first attempted to join the military. There is great motivation in here for hardened MRP veterans and noob faggots alike! He's an alpha male among alpha males. Can't Hurt Me: Master Your Mind and Defy the Odds https://www.amazon.com/dp/1544512279/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_WC3xCbEGXSKW0",,38,ChokingDownRP,2019-02-10 01:01:36 marriedredpill,aot27d,Your wife didn't make you beta; YOU did,"It is a universal human (and higher animal) trait to test others to determine their *actual* boundaries and expectations, which usually differ from those *stated*. * A child refuses to pick up his toys or to go to bed. * A motorist exceeds the posted speed limit. * An employee arrives late for work; a boss asks an employee to work late without additional compensation. * A wife tells her husband to fetch something for her she could more easily have gotten herself, or overspends the monthly budget, or denies sex for months at a time. * A boyfriend pushes beyond his girlfriend's sexual boundaries. * A dog steals food from the table. If those being tested assert reasonable boundaries and consequences, *as is expected of any competent adult*, mutually accceptable norms are established and satisfactory relationships emerge. But when someone consistently abdicates this responsibility, bad things result: * Kids become spoiled brats who disrespect their parent. * Everybody speeds, some dangerously so, leading to deadly accidents. * Employees show up very late and gossip instead of working; employers exploit or abuse their workers. * A wife loses all respect and attraction for her husband, resulting in a dead bedroom or an affair; some wives abuse their husbands. * A girlfriend is taken advantage of or abused sexually. * An out-of-control dog terrorizes its beta owners, until a Cesar Milan teaches them alpha behavior. Enforcing reasonable boundaries and expectations is a central obligation of *all* adults in *every* relationship, notably including a marriage. For various reasons (Fear of conflict? Naive notions about romantic love? Misguided belief that Nice Guy covert contracts and behaviors will get his desired outcomes? A morbid fear that his oneitis unicorn will leave him alone and sexless?), some husbands abdicate this normal adult responsibility in their marriage, even some who exercise it elsewhere in their lives. Their wives gradually ""discover"" this in the normal course of largely unconscious boundary-testing common to all human relationhips, and meeting little resistance the liberties granted and taken (again usually unconsciously) expand into relationship-damaging territory. Having no independent personal agency and constantly seeking positive validation from others by mirroring their frames, our frameless reactionary betas mistakenly project all agency and responsibility onto others, and in particular **misattribute** their wives' natural accidental or opportunistic testing of boundaries, or her anxious insecure attachment behavior, as a deliberate, aggressive campaign to betaify him so overpowering that he is helpless to resist. In truth the causality operates in exactly the opposite direction; **the constant force driving the betaization process is the beta's commitment to appeasement to fulfill his covert contracts, and to avoid upsetting and losing his oneitis wife.** This standard beta pattern of actively promoting their further betaization by unconditional acceptance of boundary violations is starkly demonstrated in [this post by an intelligent beta idiot whose steadfast refusal to reveal his boundaries and expectations to his anxious, insecure, codependent wife drove her over a period of months to ever more extreme BPD behaviors in her desperate but hopeless attempts to get some clarity from her ultra-Nice Guy husband.](https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/91ph32/my_experience_being_married_to_a_bpd_woman_in/) Our hapless, still-beta hero [continues to operate from a wife's frame](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/aodx03/thoughts_on_the_betaization_process_alpha_fucks/) by [attributing primary agency and malice to her rather than to her husband (and thereby absolving his ego of the primary responsibility for his beta behavior)](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/aodx03/thoughts_on_the_betaization_process_alpha_fucks/eg0wt4t/), and his ""solution"" focuses on changing her rather than himself, which is both misguided and mostly out of his control. [**Avoid this unproductive, ego-protecting way of thinking.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/4cwweo/why_defaulting_to_a_negative_view_on_women_eg/) *** Let us never again read ""My wife made me a beta!"" here at r/marriedredpill. This is simply male hamstering and solipsism that hinders your progress. YOU chose to betaify yourself, and YOU drove the process forward with your misguided Nice Guy covert contract strategy, and with your neurotic fear of upsetting and losing your oneitis unicorn. Quit blaming your wife for YOUR failure. The good news is that since it was always you betaifying yourself, it requires only you to reverse it. ",,136,man_in_the_world,2019-02-09 15:05:02 marriedredpill,aol8ro,Reasonable Requests versus Testing - False Positives,"I'm going to keep this post short and sweet because I'm very new to MRP, but getting started comes with its challenges. Since I've started applying the MRP principles and observing my wife's behavior, I've found that a few times I've been failing in a different way when my wife makes reasonable requests. Once I started identifying shit tests, I saw them everywhere in her behavior. Sometimes she would ask me a direct, reasonable question with zero attitude - ""Did you bring the garbage cans back in?"" and I thought I was trying to agree and amplify - but really I was stuck in her frame. I hadn't disconnected from the validation and I thought I knew exactly what was coming next: a shit test about how I just left something else for her to do. In short, I was seeing a lot of false positives. She had trained me to expect the shit test. The problem: I was still stuck in her frame. I was worrying about what was in her head. It made it easy for her to gaslight me. Once I started to understand and implement stoicism and the DNGAF philosophy, I saw those questions for what they were: questions. My wife just wants to know if I packed our daughter's lunch for the day. If I'm handling my shit (I take care of our daughter's entire morning routine by myself), there's no need to get defensive. The shit tests are definitely there (usually even in the same conversation as a reasonable request), but it's so much easier to pass them when you see them for what they are. Just starting out, having an ego and being a little bitch was holding me back. I was being a sarcastic prick. My wife pointed it out, and she was right. I've had *way* more success once I identified shit tests more clearly. I'm not passing every single one of them, but my reaction time is better and if I didn't pass I'm making a mental note for next time. At least now I'm looking out for number one every day and staying in frame. She's told me she appreciates that I'm not just reacting, and she's been sweeter and more affectionate toward me. We're making progress because I'm making progress. Obviously a big caveat here: most guys are probably failing actual shit tests, and that's obviously a greater risk than overreacting to a reasonable request. The big lesson for me was if I just focus in on the true shit tests, my reactions will become more powerful. For me, right now it's more effective to have a slow transition. If I do fail a shit test, I make a mental note to be ready for the next one. **TL;DR** \- **Problem:** if you treat reasonable requests as a shit test, you can do more harm than good. **Caveat:** you're most likely fucking it up by failing shit tests. **Lesson:** get good at reading the pitches: hit the fastballs down the middle, but also don't swing at shit that's outside of the strike zone.",,42,part_wolf,2019-02-08 21:20:03 marriedredpill,an975l,Our Journey,"What is MRP success? Is the sole purpose of this place to get laid like a porn star? That is rule zero after all. If that is the end game of this sub, then I suppose I'm the biggest failure here for someone who has spent as much time as I have on this journey. Is that what this place is? A playbook for the journey of life as a real man? These questions have went through my mind too many times to count as I've traveled down this road. As I've made my trek, I've had some realizations that I'd like to share. **The Love for Lifting** Every man in his heart of heart wants to be the strongest man he can be. You show me a man who says otherwise and I'll show you a man who's full of shit. I have 4 friends who have all used this exact line on me. *""I don't want to lift to get muscles. I lift for endurance""*. Do you know what they all have in common? They half ass the gym. They go for a while, off for a while, let the membership expire, get a new one, etc. The guys I know who lift for the love of lifting are regularly at the gym. Pushing, learning and growing. When I first started this trip I lifted dumbells at home. My heaviest set were 120s. I had a very regimented routine. I pushed myself and limited out on what I could accomplish. End of the day, I was putting in too much and getting too little; I always knew this too. I wouldn't say it was wasted time, but it wasn't optimal in any way. After joining a gym and running my limits on the 5x5 stronglift program, I have found the true love of lifting. Everyone's love for it is different. Some guys wanna pull 700, so they work towards that. I still do regular compounds, but I like the accessories just as much. The guy who is the biggest at my gym only touches a barbell to bench. I'm 5'8""/200lbs/15%BF. I fuckin love how I look. For me everytime I start a new lift, everytime someone gives me a tip/I give someone a tip or everytime I meet an interesting person at the gym, it's part of my journey. **Finances, Employment and Fulfillment** I'm losing my job in 8 months. If this was happening 3 year ago, I'd be stressed to the max. I'm not even worried a bit. Truthfully I'm excited. I have been smart with money since I found this place and I have a hefty severance coming my way as well. I could go get another job in the industrial sector or go to school for a trade. Both would bring in decent change. I live a simple life, so money really isn't the issue. The thing is, I've never left work and said *""Fuck I feel accomplished today. I really made a difference""*. I could have a week on a machine and get numbers that nobody else can, get a pat on the back and a gift card and still look at the clock wanting to go home while dreading the next day. I'm done making someone else rich. Furthermore, I want to help people. I want to work with people and know that I made a difference in their day. If I make less money, but know that my efforts are going towards a greater good, I'm cool with that. If my wife isn't, well she can fuck off. My journey is going in this direction and this journey is about me. **Marriage Post MRP** When I first came to MRP, I wanted my wife to change. I wanted her to be the woman that I always thought she could be. Fuck me did I keep that covert contract running in the background for way too long too. I had a vision of her fucking me like so many of the dudes on here claim to be receiving. I ran the steps of Dread and seen marginal success. Even then only when it hit a point of Hysterical Bonding. That kind of manipulation is taxing and not for me. Shit, there is a chick who has became friends with us. Probably more so me, but my wife really likes her too. We ended up at a house party last month. She was all over me. Touching me at every opportunity she got. At one point, she was sitting beside me with her hand on my leg and biting her lip as she gave me the *fuck me eyes* while my wife stared in disgust. We were saying our goodbyes in the kitchen and she started arguing with me that I'm an asshole for not staying and letting my wife go home alone. As my wife is standing right there! If that's not Dread, I don't know what is. The thing is, I don't want to fuck someone else. I always thought that I was gonna have cutie playing second fiddle, but when I became a man who could accomplish that, I stopped yearning for it. This summer I had a chick (100% dime too) literally taking her clothes off and trying to undo my belt. I full stopped it and left. I don't want other bitches. I want my wife. Maybe this is purple as fuck, but I really don't care. We kiss all the time, hold hands in public, dance in the kitchen while we cook and listen to music, drink together while we talk about life, etc. When she is sad or stressed out, I fix it. Not by asking her what's wrong and doing things to make her happy, but by being an immovable stone that she can lean on in these times. We have a genuine love for one another (not soulmates or any of that unconditional BS) and that's all I want. MRP has given me the tools to navigate this love and see it for what it actually is and not what a beta thinks it should be. **Farewell Faggots** As time goes on, I come here less and less. I think the MRP portion of my journey in life is coming to a close (there is a tear in the corner of my eye as I type that). The stuff I've learned in this community has had an immeasurable impact on my life and will continue to do so for the rest of it. So this is Drty checking out. I won't delete as my journey could bring me back here someday, but I'm signing out and moving on. *As I stand in front of this mirror, I'm reminded of the person who used to stare back at me in despair. NEVER AGAIN*",,122,drty_pr,2019-02-05 01:58:58 marriedredpill,anc5b8,"Own Your Shit Weekly - February 05, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit. ",,15,AutoModerator,2019-02-05 08:24:27 marriedredpill,am42af,"Firstly, get the fuck out!","When she cheats on you, you burn that shit down. The only position of power after being cheated on is to scorch the earth and allow time to regrow new fruit. I’m seeing too many guys coming in here letting their women rug sweep infidelity and controlling the outcome of their disloyalties, fuck that. Even if you want to give her a second chance, you burn that shit down. She gets demoted to negative priorty and can audition amongst the new pussy you’re now entertaining. If she’s truly remorseful she’ll crawl through shit to get back into your good graces, if not then the truth is exposed. I’m not proposing this as a plan to take her back because I’m wiling to bet once new pussy is in play and the smoke clears the fields, any man of value will have moved on. Beyond that most of your wives won’t put in the effort, beyond lip service, to get back to being worthy of your time. They are not willing to do much more than continue to try and manipulate you, wake the fuck up! And realize any resistance to this is derived from your weakness. So much of the problems I read here are rooted in weakness. Your need to seek comfort and unwillingness to accept immediate pain is the reason for your suffering. Lean into the pain, learn to be grateful for it. It’s there you’ll find change, growth and progress. ",,286,fuckmrp,2019-02-01 16:54:01 marriedredpill,algvai,The State of the Manosphere Address 2018 – Rollo Tomassi,"Let me know what you guys think. &#x200B; [https://therationalmale.com/2019/01/29/state-of-the-manosphere-2018-2/](https://therationalmale.com/2019/01/29/state-of-the-manosphere-2018-2/)",,35,Rollo-Tomassi,2019-01-30 20:10:38 marriedredpill,aky0pa,"Own Your Shit Weekly - January 29, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit. ",,18,AutoModerator,2019-01-29 08:24:29 marriedredpill,ajia7m,Books for Raising Masculine Sons,"Two of my cousins recently gave birth to sons. Their dads are unfortunately pretty blue-pilled. I've decided that I need to insert myself as a male role model within acceptable family limits. Although I'd love to be the cool uncle type that takes them paintballing &c, we live far apart so mostly I'll just send them books for Christmas and their birthdays. So I was wondering what books you've gotten for your sons/nephews to raise them red-pilled? Here's my ideas so far, the list definitely lacks sports and religious themed books since I was never into those as a kid. Edit: To be clear, not all of these books fit my own situation (too overt/preachy/not-my-kids), but they may fit yours. Also, added your suggestions. Thanks! Ages 0-7: Mostly just try to keep books interesting I guess. Sports, trucks, pirates and other tough/cool guys. Mikey and the Dragons was suggested. Any time spent reading aloud to them A++. Ages 7-9: Modern: Way of the Warrior Kid + Jocko Wilink's podcast. Hatchet. My Side of the Mountain. Ender's Game + shadow series. Eragon + series. Ranger's Apprentice + others by John Flanagan. Nonfiction about knights, Romans, pirates, astronauts, athletes. Classic: The Hobbit. The Jungle Book (maybe next age category). The Arabian Nights (kids version). Chronicles of Narnia. Ages 10-13: Modern: Starship Troopers + others by Heinlein. His Dark Materials Trilogy (The Golden Compass, etc.). Alex Rider/CHERUB series (teen spies). Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?. Sword/fantasy stuff. Classic: The Lord of the Rings. Lord of the Flies. Captains Courageous. Harold, Last King of Saxons. Treasure Island. Stories of Heroic Deeds. Gulliver's Travels. King Arthur and Robin Hood - Roger L Greene versions. Beowulf. Ages 14-18: Nonfiction: 48 Laws of Power + Mastery + others by Greene. Meditations - Marcus Aurelius. Gorgias, Crito, Republic - Plato. Starting Strength: Basic Barbell Training. A Mind for Numbers. Nietzsche, but not too much. Mate: Become the Man Women Want (one of the things I like most about it is questioning whether or not you need to go to college right away). How to Win Friends and Influence People. The Millionaire Next Door. Personal finance/style/sports/body language/healthy cooking books. Fiction: Shakespeare. anything by James Fenimore Cooper. The Odyssey. A Scanner Darkly (probably makes a greater impression than any 'talk' about drugs). The Importance of Being Earnest. The Three Body Problem. Hemingway. Vince Flynn-type stuff. 10000 Leagues Under the Sea.",,80,duskyMonk,2019-01-24 22:46:08 marriedredpill,aiktnw,"Own Your Shit Weekly - January 22, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit. ",,29,AutoModerator,2019-01-22 08:24:28 marriedredpill,aibgqq,A Key to Frame,"I started my journey on purposely trying to become the ideal version of myself early in 2018. Thanks to all of you and the knowledge we are building together, I have made significant progress on my body, strength, and personal happiness. I am still so far from where I want to be, but I believe I am heading in the right direction. This week I discovered something that I wish I would have found much earlier. The sidebar covers this in great detail, but for a newbie like myself it passed over my head. The physical components of the red pill are much easier to apply for the rookie - just go to the gym and lift the weight. If you can’t do this then you actually don’t care as much as you think you care. Unfortunately, while lifting is critical, I believe that without frame even the ideal body isn’t going to move the ball forward in a meaningful and lasting way. Having frame is being your own mental point of origin. Restated, it is to be the thinker of your own thoughts. Most of us have suffered or are suffering because we are trapped in reactionary thinking. Our wives feel something and we react to that feeling. The red pill tells us not to react, but we are social creatures and most of us are very sensitive and tender hearted and actually want the best for our wives and family. So we get lost in listening to the emotions of others and reacting to them. The reactions that we have built over time are automatic and oftentimes not in our best interest. But there is another mode of thinking that is not reactionary. This is actually quite difficult to grasp because the same brain you are using to read this is the same brain that reacts to everyone else’s emotions. There is a simple trick to become the thinker of your own thoughts and developing frame. Basically, you just have to stop doing everything. You have to find a quiet place, sit down, and try not to think. You use a single object to focus all of your attention on, which for thousands of years has been just your own breathing. You sit and you try to pay attention to your breathing. Within 30 seconds you will realize that you are an absolute shit storm of thoughts. Your brain is constantly feeding you thoughts, memories, sensations, desires. I believe simply becoming aware of this is this first step to developing frame. As you begin to recognize your thoughts you will realize you are in a sea of people who are all just reacting to their thoughts, just like you have been. Kids are completely at the mercy of whatever their brain thinks. Just like you have been most of your life. Things don’t have to be the way they have always been. They can be so much better. You can actually change how you think. Try taking 10 minutes every day and practice recognizing and dismissing the thoughts that enter your consciousness. I think this is probably more important than lifting. Then, the next time you are facing someone who is emotionally upset, you will begin to see in real-time how your brain is telling you to react which is actually not in your best interest. And then you can simply not react that way. ",,72,pursuing_the_ideal,2019-01-21 16:04:15 marriedredpill,aie683,Keeping Frame While Moving from a Lunk Learning to Dance #2," I posted up why guys should learn how to partner dance a couple months or so ago which you can refer to if you like for some more general information. If guys find value in me expanding on more specific aspects of dancing with a partner and its relevance to TRP then I’ll add some more as ideas perk up in my mind. For background I took my first salsa/bachata dance class about 9 months ago (just after starting TRP), before that I was not a capable dancer in any respect. I did the typical up down bob at the bar and stepped on my wife’s feet during both of my weddings. Likely most guys here are somewhere close to that skill level. I could write a post all about what frame is in the context of dancing and how it relates directly to frame in a relationship but for now the short story is it’s the structure you present and maintain during a dance. Its how you hold your body and how you hold/move your and your partner’s body. I’m going to expound on how you move your body as the lead (man) in relation to the follow (woman) when dancing and ultimately life. Pretty much every type of dance has a foundational basic where you move in a set pattern either forward and back, side to side etc. It’s the simplest form of the dance but after a short time it gets fucking boring especially for the follow who is just following you. Think of this movement like the rut we get into when we aren’t striving for excellence and the boredom she eventually experiences as hypergamy making her think dancing with someone else would be better (she’s probably right). The goal when your dancing as in life is to be challenged, have fun, connect with your partner and really prove your worth as lead. So as a lead you need to be going somewhere, you need to be making something happen. The problem is deciding where to go and going there in a way your partner can read your actions. In dance as in TRP, STFU is the foundation for communication, we communicate primarily with our actions. We don’t negotiate with our partner which way were going to go next (imagine this on the dance floor), we don’t use ultimatums demanding she spin or else this dance is over, nor do we constantly explicitly tell them every move we plan to make and what we want them to do as we’re doing it (micromanagement) we just go. The key is that we must move in a way that tells the follow what we expect of them next. Here’s how we communicate where we’re going next while maintaining frame in dance. 1. Maintaining frame. We never want to break our frame. Yes, everyone loses frame from time to time, but the conscious goal is to maintain it. Keeping your frame is vital because it allows your partner to recognize your lead. If your frame is shit and your all over the place, she has no fucking clue what is happening when you go to make a move. This is why it so foundational for TRP because it communicates that you have a baseline, you have your own shit together you aren’t a liability. Ultimately you are showing by your actions and posture that you are high value. 2. Leads decide where we are going to go next before we go. If I’m dancing in a basic with my follow and I want to turn, spin her, spin myself etc. I decide to do this before I do it. If you don’t know what you’re going to do next then your execution of your next move will be shit, you’re likely to lose frame and your partner will begin to get frustrated. Lead the relationship, have a plan at the very lease know where you are going next. 3. We communicate with our body what’s next before we move, in other words we prepare ourselves in a way that the follow can read us, see it coming and be ready to move at the right time. You calmly prepare for what’s to come next displaying to your partner “hey something is about to happen”. In dance there are often specific cues for what’s coming next, just like in life. This is like Kino and flirting is to sex. I’m not going to get into a ton of detail on this, you know and if you have specific questions you can ask. 4. We execute boldly. When its time to turn, spin, whatever as a lead we go when its time to go. Something important about point 3 above is that we don’t prep or move half assed, we are all in. If I’m second guessing or worrying that my partner’s not going to move with me, I’m right away losing form and sending mixed signals. Key to this is to keep it simple, don’t over communicate and don’t flinch just go. Don’t let shit tests throw you off your path and don’t let fear that a shit test is coming throw you even if you are afraid. 5. Minimum necessary force. If I’m going to spin my partner, I set it up and I move her through the spin with as little lead or effort as possible. Just enough to tell her what’s happening and offer her support, so she doesn’t lose balance. You don’t forcefully grab her and throw her into a spin, she’s not going to like that and its way too much work for you. Nobody likes an overbearing prick. 6. When we fail items 1-5 we don’t stop dancing. Everyone fucks up, we all lose frame and we all make mistakes. The dance isn’t over because you or your follow missed a cue, you keep on dancing. One mistake I have repeatedly made is was when I fucked up, lost the timing etc I would just stop and try to regroup or just give up, you must get past this if at all possible and learn to let it go and keep dancing. Maybe your partner goes and dances with someone else or maybe you do but you keep fucking dancing. Learn not to let a break in rhythm slow you down. She throws a shit test at you, whatever keep going. 7. Keep striving for excellence. All these points work together concurrently to make you a good lead. At the same time, you must be better than you were last time if only a little bit. This is how you cancel out boredom and hypergamy. Every day, week, month, year etc we are better than we were before. Drive up your value by adding to your skills and abilities. Let me know what you guys think. If you find it useful, I could probably make this a series as there are so many things in TRP that have come crystal clear to me by learning how to dance. I can’t tell you how useful a skill this is for a guy to learn. I’ve heard multiple female partners in class say, “I’m just here to learn how to follow”. Women are hungry for a competent lead.",,20,suprathepeg,2019-01-21 20:09:45 marriedredpill,ahhbvi,She Picked Out My Clothes,"I like watching the couples on those house hunting TV shows. &#x200B; Last night was a fat betabux accountant and his wife looking at a house to renovate, and the ruggedly handsome contractor holds up some bright patterned backsplash tile. The wife hates it, and when the guy points out that it's basically the same color and pattern as her husband's shirt, she says she hates that too. &#x200B; The shocked husband turns and says ""but you buy my shirts for me!"" &#x200B; I also work with people who readily admit that they wear ""whatever shirts my wife picks out at Costco"". They're always bright colors like orange or pink and they never fit correctly. &#x200B; My wife used to help me pick out clothes at the store. She used to buy stuff as gifts that ""would look good on me"". Looking back years later, there were fundamental problems with almost every piece of clothing I owned. &#x200B; And just like the accountant in the show, my wife would regularly critique my appearance: *""You should wear more <color>""* *""You should wear more <some style>""* *""You should wear this hat""* *""Your hair should be more <something>""* &#x200B; **I NOW SEE THERE WAS NO VALUE IN THESE SUGGESTIONS. THEY WERE FASHION SHIT TESTS.** The other night I was looking through old photos and laughing at how I looked. She agreed and joined in the fun. As I realized she was the one who suggested I let my hair grow shaggy and wear that oversized dress shirt I laughed even harder. &#x200B; A few months into my RP journey I learned how to fix my appearance. I built a new, smaller wardrobe from scratch. I learned how to get my hair cut properly. I read by myself like a big boy and followed basically none of the advice she had bothered me with for years. And all that stopped. She no longer makes any comment about my clothes other than ""you look good"" and a smile while looking me up and down. She no longer buys me any clothes unless it's something I specifically asked for (still get softball shit tests about how she ""can't buy me anything"" because my standards are too high). &#x200B; * Unless you've got the money, keep your wardrobe small and simple. It's going to cost money to do it right. Do it right. Do not own or wear a piece of clothing that is not flattering and appropriate for the time and place. * Find a good tailor and make friends with them; you'll be there a lot. Tailor your long sleeve button downs in the torso and sleeves. Tailor your chinos in the waist and leg. Show the body you're building in the gym. * Don't show me your white Hanes undershirt. Gray v-necks are invisible. * Consider shirt-stays to keep your dress shirts tucked with clean lines and no ""muffin top"". The military uses them for a reason. * Learn about suit fitting, then find and tailor your suits. * Learn how to match ties to shirts. * Learn how to tie a tie in a symmetrical knot. * Find a brand of t-shirt that fits you well (looks tailored). Don't tailor t-shirts. * Same with jeans. Stretch material is great. * Once something fits correctly, don't put it in the dryer if it can shrink. Buy a drying rack (they aren't just for weed). * Learn which brands fit your upper body best, and which your lower. That's your go-to for each. For example Express dress shirts leave a gap at the back of my neck that looks weird. Banana Republic cuts lay flat against my neck. * Study advertising to learn what kinds of clothes should be worn together and how they should be worn. They know what looks good, because they are literally selling it. &#x200B; This will all take time, effort, and money, but it's worth it. Your clothing is a reflection of you, and you have high standards.",,128,SiegreicherMarsch,2019-01-19 01:18:06 marriedredpill,agsgb0,Gender War,"Essay: [https://therationalmale.com/2019/01/16/gender-war/](https://therationalmale.com/2019/01/16/gender-war/) &#x200B; Excerpt: In [***Male Control***](https://therationalmale.com/2017/10/09/male-control/) I explored what I saw as a narrative shift coming from the *Village* with respect to masculinity. This post was written after the Las Vegas mass shooting in October of 2017 (for which we have no definitive answers, and even less people asking questions) and in its wake came the predictable series of articles from the *Fem-Stream* media. Usually this narrative starts with appeals for gun control, then it shifts off to how it’s always men or boys and ‘toxic’ masculinity, and OMG we need to teach our boys to be better girls. This time though it was different. The narrative shifted to “masculinity itself is toxic”. In that 2017 article I predicted that this would be the new message coming from the *Village*for the foreseeable future. And right cue the concurrent mass shooting events and any incident of “men behaving badly” in the MeToo era was (still is) written from the ‘masculinity IS toxic’ perspective. Well, the future is now. We are in a post-‘toxic’ masculinity era. That narrative has been replace by a ‘Masculinity **is** toxic’ message. No longer is it about certain, perceived negative aspects of masculinity being toxic – if you are male, you need to learn to repress your maleness altogether. We are no longer just teaching our boys like defective girls, the *Village* is teaching men they need to become woman-like in order to be an acceptable member of western society. Less than a week after the APA’s holy decree that ‘traditional’ masculinity is a psychological disorder we see the now infamous Gillette “commercial”. In this video men are ubiquitously portrayed as ridiculous buffoons, but also as borderline perverts, potential rapists, oblivious fathers and uncontrollable hard-ons. The message is overwhelmingly “masculinity is this, you males should do the opposite”. And this is the message most plugged in men got when they watched the show. What they fail to realize, due to a continuous feed of the narrative, is the overwhelmingly misandrous subtext to the video. This narrative is the same one I wrote about in *Good Humans*. There was a message that accompanied feminist mothers’ boys when they marched in the Women’s Marches of 2017-2018; it was no longer ‘Boys Will Be Boys’ but ‘Boys Will Be Good Humans’. This then begs the premise, if you are a boy, if you are male, then you are not a Good Human. This is a fundamental redefining of what it means to be a man, according to the *Village*. In the Red Pill we understand the importance placed on living out the conventional definition of masculinity – manhood is not something to be given or taken away by the ambiguities of gynocentric society. But this is what the *Village* is fostering as it’s direction for men. It’s not enough for them to withhold your ‘manhood’, now if you resist their correction, if you embrace your innate male self, you are a “no good human.” I’m hesitant to call this Gillette video a “commercial”. In actuality it is a feminist agitprop piece directed by a well-known radical feminist, Kim Gerhig. [**Kim and her producer, Sally Campbell, are notorious for producing** ](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6596225/Meet-woke-women-Gillettes-controversial-toxic-masculinity-ad.html)[**exactly**](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6596225/Meet-woke-women-Gillettes-controversial-toxic-masculinity-ad.html)[ **this deliberate misandry**](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6596225/Meet-woke-women-Gillettes-controversial-toxic-masculinity-ad.html) when they’re not creating videos of singing vaginas. This, of course, is the ugly detail the Fem-Stream media would rather the mainstream pay no mind to. Our attention is supposed to be either on the message of “Men need to do better, what’s so wrong with that?” or “Only man-babies are crying about this ad.”",,63,Rollo-Tomassi,2019-01-17 01:26:37 marriedredpill,ag6djy,"Own Your Shit Weekly - January 15, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit. ",,24,AutoModerator,2019-01-15 08:24:28 marriedredpill,ag0dke,Counterproductive Desire and the Fallacy of Unconditional Love,"**The Problem** Women are generally more interested in sex when they feel sexy. Blue pill men seem to understand this, but make the irrational next step: ""Let's just make them feel sexy all the time and hope this makes them want sex all the time."" It doesn't work. At some point, a husband's expression of desire for his wife can work against him. Someone on RPC recently noted: ""I now see the respect of my wife (and her sexual attraction to me) as something to be earned."" Shouldn't the reverse be true too? Just as a man wants respect and attraction, women want to be loved and desired. Rollo does a lot of writing on the way society artificially feeds into these areas for women - online dating, social media, movies, music, etc. are all sources of positive reinforcement for women. But men do the same thing in their own homes. She's wearing normal clothes or business attire and asks how she looks: ""Fantastic!"" Right? The chick flick trope is when the girl rolls out of bed in ugly pajamas, her hair a mess, and no make-up on and her man is making breakfast without a shirt on, showing off his rippling abs, telling her how beautiful she looks, even on her worst days. It's so magical. How many men here would have the gall to tell their wives - not as a joke or in a goofy way, but being serious: ""I'm not attracted to you."" I remember years ago when my wife had no remorse in saying that to me. Now, I know, I know ... we're on an RP forum and everyone here has to pretend his wife is a 9, right? My wife can be in the right circumstances ... but most days she's probably a 6-7. Why? Because for a long time she didn't feel the imperative to doll herself up for me or maintain her physique (thin, but not fit was her MO). There are a couple reasons for this that come to mind: 1. The standard RP answer is: *Because you weren't leading her. If you don't take care of yourself, she'll follow in your example and not take care of herself either.* That was true for a time, but even after I got fit it took a long while for things to catch on. While the ""1,000 foot rope"" analogy might explain this, there's another explanation that you can actually do something about ... 2. The lesser discussed answer: *Because you keep telling her how beautiful she is and she knows you want to have sex with her.* While Rollo may bring up this point on a societal level, the implications within a single household are still powerful and relevant. Think about it for a second. Even ugly girls could walk into a bar and say, ""I want sex. Who's coming home with me?"" and she'll likely find *someone*. Societally, there's no imperative for women to improve themselves, except to find a better guy. Now take that to your own bedroom: your wife calls you into the bedroom. That's her way of saying: ""I want sex. Are you coming?"" She has no lingerie, no makeup, she's just lying in bed with social media on her phone waiting for you to get her aroused. Are you giving her the same reinforcement that society gives to the single girl at the bar? Now, the single girl at the bar may have some base desire to improve herself to get a better man if she realizes that the quality she ends up with is fairly low. While all women will have that innate desire, within marriage many women are willing to balance that with a competing desire to make their marriage work. For some, those desires are balanced in completely lop-sided ways, so you get women who are ready to leave at the drop of the hat, and women who for any number of reasons (kids, vanity, money, etc.) will stick it out through 30 years of hell before divorcing her husband. The point is that if she feels like she's ""off the market"" for whatever reason, she won't be competing for the better guy - she's only competing for the love and desire of her husband. When the husband gives this freely, she no longer feels any need or compulsion to put in the work to earn these things (gravitational cores aside, which may be the subject of a future post). If she's gorgeous in his eyes even when she's in sweats with unkempt hair and no makeup, there's really no imperative to doll herself up. ""I am gorgeous!"" she thinks, rather than, ""I can be gorgeous!"" That's a big difference. _____ **The Solution** Until about a year ago, my wife wasn't actively trying to earn my love and desire. She assumed from the history of our marriage that she just always had it for free. Then I started doing things to re-shape that dynamic and she has since improved her attractiveness to conform to some of my desires. There's still room for improvement, but here are some things I've found to have worked. *Positive Reinforcement* This should go without saying. When she behaves well, reward her. I have found it most helpful to tailor the rewards to things that encourage similar behavior. If she wears lingerie to bed, buying her flowers the next day doesn't quite cut it. Buying her another pair of lingerie is both rewarding and behaviorally reinforcing. If she does a great job cleaning the house, go for the flowers - it reinforces the decor of the home. If she cleaned the house when you really just wanted a crazy night in bed, buy her the lingerie anyway and not the flowers. *Negative Reinforcement* Calling out her negative behaviors as they happen can be helpful. Employing active/intentional dread can also be effective, communicating: ""If you don't live up to my expectations, I can find someone else who will."" Withdrawing your time and attention fall into this category as well. *Non-Reinforcement* Communicate your expectations up-front. Put her in a position where she must make an active choice to respect or reject what you tell her. Most women prefer plausible deniability, and thus skirt around overt conversations, sometimes even overtly saying, ""I don't want to talk about this."" As long as you never tell them something explicitly, they can find a reasonable excuse for not doing what you never told them. To be clear, if she knows you always want to have sex with her, she may not care about whatever expectations you set around sex because she knows she can always get sex from you when she wants. It's often suggested that a man should never turn down his wife's sexual initiation, no matter how poor - reinforce that good behavior. But what if she's in that unkempt, social-media scrolling mode when she lazily says, ""Do you feel like coming in here?"" Is that behavior we want to reinforce? No. Solution: Rather than turning her down, say, ""Sounds great. You get on some stockings while I grab the whipped cream."" You're now communicating a clear expectation that she must either respect or reject, setting a higher standard for what sex will be like rather than the laziness she was anticipating. Another option is simply not to provide any positive or negative reinforcement to neutral behaviors. If you give positive reinforcement to neutral behaviors, she assumes it's a positive for you. For example: my wife shows me a new outfit to wear to a work conference. I'm not into work clothes on women, but I recognize the appropriateness of the outfit given the occasion. Instead of telling her she looks fantastic, I say, ""It looks like you're going to a work conference,"" pat her on the back, and carry on. **RESULT?** - Instead of a 6-7 her default has upped to a 7-8 in less than a year. Progress. _____ For any Christians, there's additional biblical information on the r/RPChristians version of this post.",,74,Red-Curious,2019-01-14 21:04:52 marriedredpill,ag5aj3,Logic is Subjective.," I haven't seen this idea out there much at all; most people assume that logic is objective and immutable. I recognize that i'm **in the minority position** on this one. Please debate with reason and logic if you disagree.  My position is: Logic is not 'objective' it is not 'truth' it is not 'intelligence' and it is not singular. That is to say, multiple logical positions are possible. \*This is not the case with a mathematical equation for instance; if one equation is true then conflicting ones are by definition not true. Defining logic: Logic itself is not fully understood or studied by people who usually invoke the word; it is an inverse relationship. If you have a look at TED talks (the good ones) or any scientific discussion the word logic is almost never invoked. The fact logic is imprecisely defined is already a warning sign that it is not a 'thing' that is clear cut and can be studied.  The use and study of logic has varied culturally over time, and the understanding of logic is affected by a persons ethnicity and gender ( and other factors). Logic originates in human thought at various locations; where something objectively true and singular such as math, originates with the universe itself. Therefore it is logic that may need to fit math; math or physics does not need to fit into logic. \*lookin at you, quantum physics. Logic is close in meaning to reason, it is often used that way.  It's synonyms are listed [here](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/logic#synonyms) at merriam webster as: ## Synonyms for logic **Synonyms** [intellection](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/intellection), [ratiocination](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/ratiocination), [reason](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/reason), [reasoning](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/reasoning), [sense](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/sense) Based on these synonyms - no single, universally agreed definition of logic seems to exist - Logic occurs within the thinking of a human (or sentient being).Note that when someone invokes logic what they are usually inferring is an implied criticism of the other person, not their argument - ""if i'm logical, then you must not be, so my reasoning ability is superior to yours."" Such an argument only makes sense if logic is assumed to mean truth, since truth is singular. Logic is different to Math:  Math is discovered, Logic is developed in human thought. If sentience (humans and intelligent thought) went away, math and physics would still exist. Logic would not. If a theory of math or science seems logical; it can still be proven wrong through study. Math disproves math, scientific study proves or disproves science. It should be clear that a scientist or mathematician can be a highly logical and reasonable person while at the same time working on a flawed theory or one that is correct. In fact that is normal. Logic is therefore different to 'Truth' since logical views can be false. **General relativity and quantum theory** are both considered sound and logical theories, however they conflict one another. Therefore study and research is being done to find a 'unified theory' that encompasses and explains how both things exist within the same universe. It is not possible to have two conflicting theories explain how the universe works, but they are internally logical. So logic does not give you singular truth.  Religious Logic: i'm not even gonna bother. Their stuff is logical to them. GENDER AND REPRODUCTIONThe logic of men is different to the logic of women however men often take this to mean 'Men are logical, women have no logic'.  Dry balls are happy balls - so it is logical for men to pursue a lot of sex with either one or many partners.  I have millions of sperm - so it is logical to Spray n' Pray so as to inseminate a lot of partners.  Childbirth is expensive (to the mothers health) - so it is logical for a woman to find a partner who will provide materially (Beta Bucks). I only have the chance to produce a handful of children - so it is logical for a woman to make sure that the genes are strong for each one (Alpha fucks). &#x200B; Slut shaming is real - so i should say no and reject all the offers of sex early in the night to look like i'm selective. But i like sex - So later in the night after a few drinks it will make a lot of sense to go home with the tall guy or the bartender with tatts. My friends have already disappeared anyway. Plus, if he was cute they'll understand. &#x200B; I also like to be comfortable - now that i'm pregnant (the bartender) i'm going to fall in love (quite sincerely) with the clean cut guy with a bank job.12 years later - I have the kids that I wanted (actually the genes insist that you fall pregnant while young and fertile) and I just need to keep the house money and kids - now it's logical to divorce my (bewildered) husband. (The husband imagines that his logic will be her logic.) (The wifes obligations drop and her power in the home jumps to 100% ... a pretty logical lifestyle choice really.) &#x200B; Postwall (30years old) - I don't want to be seen as slutty (the genes are done with you since they found their way successfully into your brats) so i'll hit Tinder but write bullshit all over it ""NO ONS, NO FUCKBOYS"" but that can all change on the night if the tall guy with abs shows up.  Hypergamy: the father of my children and the man I love sincerely is ok and based on my SMV he is the best I can get ... until he isn't. In fact I never loved him anyway.or: The guy i'm with is SO TERRIBLE that i'll drop him publicly and make space for a new relationship. This one is rare but happens more now that women of low value/high mileage are told to 'Never Settle Honey You Deserve The Best'. A single woman is now no more unusual than a bachelor. \*Interestingly, according to the **logic** of the selfish gene there is no contradiction here. The gene itself is quite happy with any successful method of reproducing itself, including one where the mating strategies of men and women are seen to be in opposition.  CONCLUSION 1: STOP EXPECTING WOMEN'S LOGIC TO MAKE SENSE TO YOU,  WE ARE ALL SELFISH PIECES OF SHIT FOLLOWING OUR REPRODUCTIVE AGENDAS IN DIFFERENT WAYS.  2. A WOMAN NEEDS ENOUGH LOGIC TO MAKE BABIES, IN NO WAY IS SHE REQUIRED TO MAKE SENSE TO MEN.",,0,rAFCdadHUSBAND,2019-01-15 05:42:46 marriedredpill,aexeau,Validation and Interdependency,"""I feel worthless,"" Alex told me recently. *Why's that?* I asked. ""Because my wife doesn't love me."" *That's an awful thing to feel. Why don't you think she loves you?* ""She's just not excited when I walk in the room anymore."" I asked Alex several more questions about his relationship with his wife. They were having regular sex. She was respectful of his requests and things she asked him to do. She fulfilled her responsibilities around the home and they maintained a reasonable budget with an exceptional income. They didn't argue very often. For all practical purposes, from the outside looking in, a casual onlooker would have assumed they had the perfect, American-dream marriage. But Alex was broken. Why? Because his wife didn't *feel* excited about him. His sense of self-worth was completely dictated by his wife's feelings rather than his own accomplishments, life purposes, motives, etc. Validation is one of the core issues underlying every aspect of human existence. I have yet to meet a single person who doesn't require any validation. As a Christian, I believe that God has intentionally placed a longing in our hearts for something beyond ourselves (Ecc. 3:11; Genesis 2:18), but even if you want to take an evolutionary psychology approach, we have been conditioned for millennia to be an interdependent species, needing community and relationships to advance, and those in isolation and outside of community fall victim to ""survival of the fittest."" Validation-seeking is not unique to men, but the way we are meant to engage with it is certainly distinct from women. Biblically, men are to find validation from God and not their wives, but women are designed to find their validation through their husbands. I'll let the evolutionary psychologists among you figure out how this plays out in the secular world. Suffice it to say that *men don't need women; we just prefer to have them around, for a vast multitude of reasons.* Women, on the other hand, *do need men* - whether you want to say this is because of how God created the world or to satisfy their biological hypergamous drive, I don't care (they're really the same thing, from my view). The point is that women will always seek validation from men, and we can't (maybe even shouldn't?) change that; but for men there are both proper and improper ways to approach validation and seek it from others. **HEALTHY VALIDATION** Validation is the product of evaluation. It presumes a judge over your identity. In the absence of perfect faith or a mental health disorder, I believe validation-seeking is at least subliminally present in virtually everything we do as a species. For most of the world, the best form of validation-seeking is when we are able to function independently, setting up standards of self-evaluation and letting ourselves or our self-created goals be the judge over our sense of self-worth and accomplishment. A man who sets no goals, merely scathing by in life, will (appropriately) feel as though he has nothing to offer his world, creating a negative feedback loop that then discourages him from setting any goals. This is my brother, still living in my dad's house at 32, drinking beer and playing video games every night until 5am, having given up on women since his ONEitis left him several years ago. On the other hand, my friend Dan is self-motivated. He doesn't care about how the world judges him; but he does have an internal drive to succeed. There's a stirring within him that won't let him sit idly, so he sets goals and experiences internal fulfillment when he accomplishes them. He is validated by self-created objectives. I suppose a man could experience self-validation even in the absence of external objectives that he creates, simply liking himself for who he is regardless of any other judgments on him, but even that becomes dangerous, lending itself to a feminist mentality: ""You're perfect just as you are,"" which often translates to: ""You don't need to improve or have ambitions - you just need to be placated in your place in life, and not challenge anything I try to do to you and our country."" For the Christian, the answer is similar. God sets the goals, but there is an incredible biblical latitude we have in the way we go about accomplishing them or how we evaluate our successes, and there is even greater grace from God in the evaluation process than we might otherwise give ourselves if we were self-evaluating. This creates an exceptional balance in that grace gives us freedom to fail, thus we can remain objectively validated by God through our efforts to grow and accomplish even when we fail from time to time - which is furthered by the fact that God is perfect and stable, so we know the standard he sets is reliable, unlike other people whose standards over us are imperfect and unstable; and having an external standard from God also prevents us from being lazy with our goals and squandering our lives, overcoming the trap that many people like my brother fall into. There are other ways that validation-seeking can be helpful as well. For example, if you want a promotion at your job, you're going to want to seek the validation of your boss, as he is the judge over your qualification for the position. If you want to win a court case, you must seek validation from the judge about your arguments, honesty, and competency, for the judge is the actual judge over your case. It's appropriate for him to validate your arguments, honesty and competency. The difference is that he is not evaluating you as a person - in both cases, they are evaluating your behaviors and what you produce. _____ **HARMFUL VALIDATION** I opened this post with a brief snapshot of a conversation I had with Alex - and that is a shining example of harmful validation-seeking. He allowed his sense of self-worth to be dictated by something external and didn't allow any room for grace in his failure to live up to the self-imposed judgments he created on his life. He didn't merely look to his wife for validation on certain behavior patterns he had; rather, he extended it to his internal sense of identity. And that is a significant thing to consider. Harmful validation seeking is not merely letting someone else be the judge over your life, identity, and sense of self-worth. In most cases, the person from whom we seek validation never signed up for that role. We are voluntarily giving them that job, often-times not even telling them we are - and then they don't communicate validation because they never knew that was their job in the first place. Men, this is a significant thing in your marriage and it's the reason why I started with the difference between men and women in validation seeking. **Your wife needs validation. If you want to have a successful marriage, you must validate your wife when she acts appropriately within your judgment, because she has allowed you to be a judge over her. This is healthy and appropriate.** But a man should never voluntarily allow his wife to become a judge over him. Doing so is grossly inconsistent with biblical theology, the history of any successful society, and basic principles of underlying evolutionary psychology. Men are conditioned by God or by time to set goals outside the home and strive to accomplish them. Making your home your goal sounds nice, but we're not here to be Nice Guys - and Nice Guys are the biggest validation-seekers, and one quick glance at NMMNG will show you how that validation-seeking can ruin a man's life. _____ **MANIFESTATIONS OF VALIDATION** So here is a non-exclusive list of different forms of validation-seeking that can get your wheels spinning to help you recognize when you're in that rut or if you're on the right track. If you're having trouble feeling a sense of wholeness as a man, look to see if you fit the bill in any of these areas. - **OVERT**: When my 5 year old daughter shares her candy with her siblings, she runs up to me and says, ""Daddy, I just shared my candy. Wasn't that so nice of me?"" This is an obvious and overt example of validation-seeking. She is directly asking for my validation of her behaviors. Sometimes it goes even further and my son will ask: ""Because I did this, doesn't that mean I'm a good person?"" - **SUBTLE, INVALID**: Picture a husband who plays video games all day while his wife is away. She calls and says she'll be home in 10 minutes. He continues playing for 8 minutes, then turns off the game and starts cleaning the house. She comes home and sees him cleaning, which he timed so that she would be impressed with him. He's not overtly asking her for validation, but he's implying it. It's invalid for two reasons: (1) because it's false validation; her being impressed by him isn't for his actual character, but for an image he fabricated for her to see; and (2) because this demonstrates an internal insecurity in him that he must impress his wife or that she is somehow a judge over him. Her feelings toward his behaviors becomes the judge over how he acts and behaves. What's interesting to note is that the man doesn't care to actually be a valid person under his wife's standard, otherwise he would have been cleaning the house the entire time she was gone. Instead, he only cares that she perceives him in a way that validates him, as evidenced by the fact that he only lives up to that character when she is watching. - **SUBTLE, BUT VALID**: I've already mentioned that there are healthy forms of validation-seeking. Unlike the man above, the case of the employee or the attorney show us that we can do things without directly asking for approval, yet knowing that our superior's validation of us can have a positive impact on our own agendas. So, if a man sets a goal to have a certain level of income, seeking the validation of his boss to get that raise by exceptional performance in front of his boss is perfectly appropriate. If a man is wise, he has incorporated into his own goals the prerequisites of external interpersonal dynamics necessary to achieve those goals. - **COVERT**: Alex's story is a great example, and this is the most common form of validation-seeking. This is when a man's emotional state is dependent on how his wife (or anyone else) feels about him or acts toward him, and he may not even have processed himself the connectivity between his emotional state and her feelings and behaviors. Getting butthurt is a clear and obvious sign that a man might struggle with covert validation - because if he were self-validated, then her feelings or behaviors toward him that caused him to get butthurt would otherwise have rolled off like water on wax. He doesn't need her to feel or behave in a certain way toward him in order for him to experience fullness in his life, so her negativity doesn't diminish his fullness either. - **COMPARISON**: When one person's validation comes not from how someone feels or behaves toward them, but from their superiority to them. A sports team feels validated in their skills and accomplishments when they win a game against another team. Similarly, the losing team feels de-validated at the loss. In marriage, one person's sense of validation may come from feelings of superiority over their spouse, and this can lead to significant troubles when the allegedly ""lesser"" spouse either (1) accomplishes something that threatens this superiority, and therefore he cannot rejoice with his wife or empathize with her successes, or (2) attacks the superiority of the validation-seeker by criticizing aspects of his life that validated his feelings of superiority. He will then do things to re-establish his superiority as a means of seeking to re-validate himself. Note: the ""I am the prize"" mentality doesn't mean a man should seek validation in the fact that he is better than his wife; rather, it is a simplified way of communicating confidence, independent of validation-seeking, that cuts out a lot of the nuance. - **PERCEPTION**: When a person's validation comes not from who they are, but in how they think and what they know. A philosopher may recognize that he is of little value in the grand scheme of the universe, but finds validation in the fact that he understands how that universe functions. When something challenges his understanding and perception of how the world and people function, he must argue against them to maintain his sense of validation - that he was right and they are wrong. This can also apply not only to one's perception of the external world, but also a self-perception. An athletic man who looks to his physical accomplishments as the foundation of his identity will lose that sense of validation when: (1) even though he is still athletically successful, a higher priority in life comes along that stretches his sense of self into an area where he is less successful (ex. he has a kid and realizes he is failing as a father), or (2) he is no longer able to compete with other athletes, such as due to age or injury, and thus he has to redefine his sense of self and identity. - **CONTROL**: Some people find validation in life through power and control. They don't care if they're better than someone or not, or if their wife loves them or not, or if their perceptions are right or wrong. If someone else is better, that's fine - as long as they can control that better person. It doesn't matter if his wife loves or cares about him, as long as he has adequate assurances that she'll behave the way he wants her to. As long as he is in control of his world and anything that might threaten his world, he is happy. If something happens that is beyond his control, either he emotionally unravels or he takes measures to regain control. - **PURPOSEFUL**: When a person looks to an external objective and allows the accomplishment or failure of that objective to be the source of validation in his life. This can either be healthy or harmful, depending on the appropriateness of the objective. It would be harmful if a 4-foot-tall white man sought validation in his mission in life to be an NBA star. It would be perfectly appropriate if that same man sought validation in his mission to become a partner with a major national law firm. - **NEGATIVE/INVERSE**: When a person takes on the victim mentality and refuses to be happy, despite opportunities for happiness that are thrown their way. They refuse to feel or accept any suggestion of validation over their lives, determined to live in the view that they are invalid, worthless, broken, unloved, or the like. If someone tells them they're beautiful, they snap back and honestly believe, ""No, I'm hideous."" If you tell them they're successful, he replies with sincerity, ""No, I'm a failure."" It's virtually impossible to convince them otherwise. Why? While they may seem to reject any validation-seeking on the surface by their direct denials and refutations, they are actually trying to find validation in their own self-perception. That is, they care more about being right about their worthlessness than they do about finding value in their lives, and thus they feel validated when something else goes wrong for them, as it proves their perceptions right. This is where many people with depression, mood disorders, bipolar disorder, or borderline personality disorder live. This is, of course a non-exclusive list, and many of these things overlap one another. They're just common ones I see among my clients and people and general. _____ **OVERCOMING VALIDATION-SEEKING** I'm sure there are a multitude of strategies for dealing with harmful validation-seeking. Here's my suggestion out of those options, but do what works for you. **FIRST**: Figure out when you're validation-seeking and when you're not. Look for signs of emotional instability, a controlling nature, an internal *need* to win debates, a desire to show off your accomplishments, etc. are all indications (though not de facto criteria) that someone is validation-seeking. The list of indicators can be very large and wide because, as I said above, validation-seeking is inherent in the motivation for most human behaviors. **SECOND**: Once you've identified when you're validation seeking, figure out if it's helpful or harmful to your life and mission. Is it increasing your power, wealth, influence, etc. over your environment and those around you? Continue doing it. Is it causing you to become emotionally volatile, unattractive, and destroying your sense of self-worth? Cut that crap out. **THIRD**: Once you've identified the negative forms of validation-seeking, two things can work in-tandem for you to overcome them: 1. You must find another source of validation. No one can be functional in the world without any validation at all. The primary safe sources are God (for Christians) or oneself (for everyone else). 2. Second, you must experience failure in your destructive validation-seeking tendencies in order to shift your psychological foundation from the old source to the new source. That is, you must see, experience, and understand that the new source of validation is sufficient for you even when the old source fails. In order to accomplish these, I recommend specifically placing yourself in situations where you know you may not get the validation you seek. For example, if a guy sees his wife's attraction to him as a source of validation (covert, perception, subtle, etc.) he should initiate sex with her a lot. For one, he will likely actually end up having more sex that way. Second, it will also give him an opportunity to recognize that he can be stable and hold frame on the inevitable times that she turns him down, thereby learning to rely on his newly found internal sources of validation. _____ **CONCLUSION** In all of this, remember that Thoreau is not the model man we should all be striving to become. We should not all be leaving society to become hermits in the middle of the woods. For some, if that's your goal, go for it. But the majority of people are rightfully interdependent with others. We cannot isolate ourselves from all relationships. And interdependency brings with it an inherent drive for validation from others, lest we be involuntarily cut off from the community and forced into the Thoreau life. In his book *Understanding People*, Dr. Larry Crabb hypothesized that all men have two core longings: (1) relationships with others and (2) to make an impact on our world. If he is right, and I believe he is, we will always be finding some way to look for validation in these aspects of our lives. What I propose is that we take control of the means by which we experience validation, not placing it in the hands of our wives, friends, or societal perception, but by recognizing that we are in control of who we allow to judge our lives and placing the degree of validation we seek from different sources with the appropriate sources and in the appropriate weight - validation in our work performance from our boss, validation in our sense of identity and self-worth from ourselves (or, for Christians, from God), etc.",,89,Red-Curious,2019-01-11 17:03:32 marriedredpill,ae1uco,Remove the Man 2019,"Essay: [https://therationalmale.com/2019/01/08/remove-the-man-2019/](https://therationalmale.com/2019/01/08/remove-the-man-2019/) &#x200B; Excerpt: &#x200B; Today the [***American Psychological Association***](https://www.apa.org/monitor/2019/01/ce-corner.aspx) issued its first-ever guidelines for practice with boys/men’s. In it the concept of conventional (traditional) masculinity is outlined as ‘harmful’. >*The main thrust of the subsequent research is that traditional masculinity—marked by stoicism, competitiveness, dominance and aggression—is, on the whole, harmful. Men socialized in this way are less likely to engage in healthy behaviors.* It would be easy to refute this basic presumption with countless examples of how all of these traits, most of which are innate parts of men’s evolved mental firmware, have been key in developing a civil society as well as healthy masculine identity. But what we’re seeing in this is a corruption of language that is leading to the standardization of the corruption of thought. Stoicism, competitiveness, dominance and aggression are evolved aspects of the male psyche that have served men for millennia. To the Red Pill aware man this is self-evident. What is less evident is the new context in which these ‘educated’ men apply meaning to these terms. Academia has been so thoroughly assimilated by the Feminine Imperative that the men making official decrees about psychological principle no longer have the insight to understand that their perspective is informed by ‘*female-correct*‘ thought.",,74,Rollo-Tomassi,2019-01-09 01:57:14 marriedredpill,advrnv,Carrier Pidgeons and production value,"> In 2018, a Redditor was sent to prison by a kangaroo court for a crime he didn't commit. He promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Internet underground. Today, still wanted by the admins, he survives as a poster of fortune. > If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find him, maybe you can get a retarded post by... Stoney. #####I'm an 80s kid, fuck off and let me have my nostalgia Hello brothers! I asked around for someone to send a message of well wishes to you all, hopefully it makes it. I wanted to let you all know, while the moderators, the flaired posters, and the rest of you are doing awesome work, that you're not alone, but damn if you aren't ahead of the curve! Since my second speaking engagement in Florida, a lot of guys at various stages of their MAP are doing they best to take the stuff we learn, teach, and refine here, and get it out there to the hoardes of guys who are more desperate, and less tech savvy. If you can remember, Rollo started a bunch of us on a podcast, and I see a lot of familiar faces in the comments there helping correct some of the idiots who think this is *MGTOW 3.0: Revenge of the complaints.* So heartfelt thanks to that, I do my best to ensure the kind of shit you guys are doing makes it in there, because, lets face it, the urge for men to turn this stuff into testicular cancer is ever present. Anthony did something really cool this year, and actually made a man's version of The View! And it's not nearly as guey as it sounds. Imagine some of your sons (for the older guys) or your younger brothers who literally haven't had a male peer group to ping shit off of. A group that was more worried about group cooperation than they were holding each other to a higher standard. Imagine being able to pick the brain of one of your buddies who happens to be a shrink. #####Yeah, we got all that here. If you're interested, check out what TRP/MRP and some production value are capable of! [Episode 34 live:The anger phase](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=psvxEi2edr4) I know Rollo, me, Rich, Donovan and the others all did our best to adequately portray the anger that all of us have experienced ad some point, having our world view come into contact with reality isn't fun, getting shamed for it is worse. And honestly, a lot of this stuff will be old hat for anyone here whose posted more than 2 OYS posts, but hey, a bunch of dudes built it for the guy who is, right now, where you were, months or hopefully less than a year ago. (shout out to the guy who has built his MAP alone for two years, then comes over and asks what a shit test and covert contracts are!) And I'm still lurking, just can't call anyone a faggot anymore. Thats the part that stings the most. Feel free to subscribe to the channel, or if you have no idea how to boil water, I've added some RP FAQ stuff to a channel where I teach you to survive without your wife being able to cook microwave dinner. And I'll add this, if you're on the fence in this place, don't be. I know for every guy in OWS, there's 10 000 who aren't able to. It's a goldmine for you, so don't waste the opportunity. the guys in here are the real deal, make hay while the sun shines! A lot of guys are doing their best to normalize men looking out for that best interests, you're unfortunately the tip of the speak lol Cheers ------ *Note:* I am not the author of this post. The artist formerly known as Rian_Stone is. Follow him on twitter [@_rian_stone](https://twitter.com/_rian_stone) and his website at https://www.rianstone.com/.",,33,[deleted],2019-01-08 16:14:55 marriedredpill,ads8q1,"Own Your Shit Weekly - January 08, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit. ",,17,AutoModerator,2019-01-08 08:24:30 marriedredpill,abgkc4,"Own Your Shit Weekly - January 01, 2019","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit. ",,17,AutoModerator,2019-01-01 08:24:29 marriedredpill,ab7vt5,Validation needs that can poison your sex life,"The Red Pill has made us all very aware of the basic Beta Bux covert contract of provisioning for sexual access to his wife. Swallowing the red pill means giving up this covert contract. There are other, less apparent validation needs and covert contracts common to many new men here that will also poison your sexual relationship with your wife, which you must also recognize and remove before you can have the great sex that you (and your wife) desire. # Attraction validation Many a husband takes every word, action, or denial regarding sex by one woman (his wife) as a profound affirmation or rejection of his attractiveness, or even his fundamental worth as a man. For some, this may be confounded with unresolved self-esteem issues as nerds or ""losers"" from their formative teenage years, conflating their value and status as a person with their sexual success. > [Many people pointed out that I had my wife on a pedestal, but it was more than that - I'd built my entire self-identity around being ""the nerd that made good and got the dream girl."" I felt like I'd won at life...and having that ripped away was a direct attack on my self-image. Which is why you shouldn't build your self-image on a foundation of validation from others. Lesson learned.](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/5y984g/update_victim_puke_son_of_negative_space_the/) > [This is all wrapped up in validation as well, because I don't FEEL attractive because she doesn't ACT like I think she would act if she felt I was attractive, so I give in order to get that reaction. No reaction, no validation, hurt feelings, etc. Best to stay in the comfort zone in order to avoid that.](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/9kov91/own_your_shit_weekly_october_02_2018/e7gmta0/) These men often orbit their wives seeking sex *more for affirmation of their self-worth* than from authentic desire. This is toxic to their sexual relationship for several reasons: * Their neediness for validation and lack of self-confidence is unattractive. * Their wives sense the lack of authentic desire to be responsive to, and lose their own validation and motivation for sex. * The need of the husband for signs of attraction and desire from his wife makes sex tiresome [emotional labor](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_labor) for her, in which she has to regulate or fake her emotions and response to validate him. This makes sex unappealing, inauthentic, effortful, and emotionally risky for her should her act fail to provide the validation comfort he seeks. * Both husband and wife are incentivized to stick to an unchanging, comfortable sexual script: he to be assured of getting the validation he needs, and she to avoid the danger of misreading a new situation and failing at her emotional labor of providing the signs he needs to feel attractive. These issues make sex unappealing and unrewarding for the wife, so she avoids or rejects sex with her needy husband as much as possible, and strongly resists any change to their standard sexual script. Even if she agrees to sex and performs well all desired acts, he may be unhappy if he didn't perceive her to be sufficiently attracted. Many such husbands want their wife to initiate sex as further validation. *Diagnostic:* If your perception and enjoyment of a sexual encounter depends on what you imagine your wife is thinking, you have a validation problem. Stay out of your wife's head! # Good or giving lover validation Validating their prowess or performance as a lover, or as a generous lover who takes care of his wife's ""needs,"" is important to the self-image of many men. For example, giving his wife an orgasm often becomes a symbolic metric validating the husband's performance, so he insists on making her cum every time *even when she would prefer not to*. This leads to bad sex for her and makes sex an emotional labor in which she feels pressured either to fake an orgasm, or tolerate and perform a sexual act she doesn't desire then. It also objectifies the wife as a female orgasming machine that the husband ""plays"" like a video game to induce orgasm and thereby win his validation, making their sex impersonal rather than intimate. Paradoxically, the more the wife cums, the worse the sex may be for her. By all means bring your wife to orgasm if she wants one or more, but don't force it on her, or pressure or shame her about her sexuality just to meet your own unhealthy need for validation. # Special sex act / submission validation It's quite common for an insecure beta to seek validation through the performance of specific sex acts, where the symbolic validation matters more to him than the physical sensation or the quality of the overall sexual encounter. * ""If she *really* loved me she'd allow me anal sex."" * ""I'd be OK without anal if she had refused all previous boyfriends, but she let her boyfriend Chad fuck her ass, so as her husband I should get it, too."" Obsession with being validated by her submission to a specific sex act can hold the entire sexual relationship hostage to its performance, ensures resentment on at least one side, and at best deadlocks the sexual relationship into its current poor state while they struggle over that one issue. This case often arises when the existing sexual pattern is locked into a narrow range due to the various issues discussed here, or by the man's limited range of sexual expression [within his sexual comfort zone](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/a9pxnh/good_sex_requires_emotion/), so the desired act assumes outsize importance as the only safe way he can see to add novelty or variety to move the sexual relationship forward. In my own experience, as I've developed a richer palette of [Emotion and Variety](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/a9pxnh/good_sex_requires_emotion/) to play with, I care less and less about any specific sexual act; there's always other interesting new things to try. # Respectful good guy validation / Nice Guy covert contract Mainstream society promotes the ideal that men be polite, respectful, and chivalrous with women, and that courteous men avoid open discussion of personal sexual matters and desires. (Nice Guys create covert contracts that such behavior should itself entitle them to sexual relationships with women, or their wives.) Many of us, including myself before MRP, have unthinkingly carried these polite social conventions over into our LTRs, and paradoxically have frank, intimate discussions with our wives about everything *except* sex, which should be the most intimate of all. These public conventions of politeness and respect made me avoid dirty talk, frank sexual discussion, and [uninhibited expression of Emotion](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/a9pxnh/good_sex_requires_emotion/) as in SGM with my wife, until reading NMMNG pointed out the complete incongruity with all other aspects of my life and marital relationship. Now we speak openly about sex, and I [talk with Emotion during sex](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/a9pxnh/good_sex_requires_emotion/) with my wife. # Egalitarian validation / Reciprocity covert contract Some guys build their self-image as a good person on being scrupulously fair and egalitarian. Many are also Nice Guys who build covert contracts expecting complete sexual reciprocity and symmetry from their wives * ""I never deny her sex, so it's not fair that she rejects me."" * ""I give her oral, so she should give me blowjobs."" * ""Each of us should initiate half of the time."" and then resent their wives for not fulfilling these hidden expectations. > [I still, even after so long, find my wife's attitude towards sex difficult. Even now, when we're having more sex than I ever really thought possible, it's always me focusing on her. She never goes down on me, doesn't focus on my pleasure outside of PIV, etc.](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/9kov91/own_your_shit_weekly_october_02_2018/e742apr/) As with Good and Giving Lover validators, these Egalitarian validation-seekers may impose bad sex and emotional labor on their wives in the name of strict fairness and reciprocity in order to validate their self-perception as fair, egalitarian partners. The Reciprocal Covert Contractors will experience the usual disappointment, resentment, anger, and butthurt as their wives resist or reject bad sex. Hypocrisy is common here, as the ""fair"" Nice Guy generally only ""gives"" in ways that he sexually enjoys, and then expects a second reward for his ""sacrifice"". *** # Intimacy > [I'm not sure what sex without any need for external validation even looks like. At that point, is anything that produces a similar physical experience equivalent? Is having sex with a robot the same as having sex with your wife, or having sex with a stranger, provided they produce similar physical feelings?](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/9kov91/own_your_shit_weekly_october_02_2018/e7cmi8t/) The great advantage of LTR sex over a ONS or STR is its potential for *intimacy;* sex with the deep emotional and physical interplay based on profound knowledge of and raw, unfiltered interaction between each others' bodies, minds, and emotions. Validation-seeking and covert contracts **prevent** intimacy because they are *self*-focused rather than focused on open, uninhibited interplay with the *other* person; they make sex transactional and constrained within limiting boundaries. Great sex requires eliminating all covert contracts, and all need for validation and ego support, to create the conditions in which intimacy can emerge. *** # Diagnostic scenario The following scenario may help you identify hidden needs for validation or covert contracts that are limiting *your* sex life: *You come to bed after a long day, shortly after your wife. You find yourself incredibly horny, so you initiate sex. Your wife says ""Honey, I had a long and difficult day, and I'm totally exhausted. I don't want an orgasm, I'm not up for giving you a blowjob or handjob or riding you or even moving ... but I* would *enjoy just lying here passively and letting you take your pleasure with my body.""* Could you embrace her offer, or would you refuse because * ""receptive starfish"" sex doesn't validate you? [Attraction validation] * her refusal to perform a blowjob or other acts of obedience or submission doesn't validate your ego? [Special sex act / submission validation] * not giving her pleasure fails to validate your sexual prowess? [Good lover validation] * you're profoundly uncomfortable focusing on your own pleasure rather than hers? [Giving lover, or egalitarian validation] * you're unable to believe her statement that she *wants* you to? [Attraction validation] * you're too uncomfortable with your own sexuality to express or expose it without the cover of pleasuring her? [Respectful validation] Would you ""accept"" her offer like a Nice Guy but * then push for more from her during the action to try to get your validation or fulfill your covert contract? * not fully enjoy it because of butthurt about not getting validated? * not fully enjoy it because you worried about what she was thinking or feeling? * not do what you *really* desired for fear of what she might think? Could you [overcome your need for Egalitarian validation and] fully embrace and fully enjoy her offer, by * turning on the lights and uninhibitedly telling her every dirty thought, feeling, and desire [Overcome need for Respectful validation] as you stare at her naked tits, stroke her hair and skin, slowly insert yourself inside her, and focus on having the perfect orgasm? [Overcome need for Good or Giving Lover validation] * eating her pussy *entirely for your* **own** *pleasure* without making her cum [Overcome need for Good or Giving Lover validation], while telling her how she tastes and feels? [Overcome need for Respectful validation] * climbing right on and pounding away, if that's what you really desire at that moment? [Overcome need for Good or Giving Lover validation] You're not fully comfortable with your own sexuality or with hers, or you're hung up by validation needs or covert contracts, if you couldn't. *** *** This post grew out of a discussion with u/resolutions316 following [his most recent OYS,](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/9kov91/own_your_shit_weekly_october_02_2018/e742apr/) at the suggestion of u/weakandsensitive. ",,251,man_in_the_world,2018-12-31 15:08:44 marriedredpill,a9pxnh,Good sex requires Emotion,"I found r/marriedredpill while looking for ideas to spice up my boring, same-thing-every-time sex life with my postmenopausal wife. I've naturally followed most MRP principles throughout my 30+ year marriage, with the notable exception of those directly related to sex (flirting/game; behaviors toward and during sex). The very predictable result has been an otherwise great relationhip with a wife who respects and likes me, who rarely rejects sex, but who claims to have zero sex drive (for me?) after menopause, with purely [responsive desire](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/8l0oki/keeping_sex_alive_with_a_lowlibidograyasexual_wife/dzcgyrd/) and very slow arousal during sex. The big new revelations for me from MRP have been *The Sex God Method* and DEVI, Chapter 10 of NMMNG about sex, and Game. My still-poor application of these ideas has already improved sex with my wife. As I progress, I'm beginning to appreciate the primacy of Emotion over the physical in sex and sexual response, *especially for women* for whom sexual arousal is primarily mental and emotional. As from *Practical Female Psychology* > ""A woman is dependent upon the actions and attitude of her man with respect to how aroused she is able to become. ... in order for her to be sexually receptive, she still has to find within a man a combination of ... male sexual dominance, and the skill of verbally stimulating emotions within a woman"" As I see it now, effectively SGM's DEVI is at root all about emotions: the strong feelings surrounding submission or resistance with Dominance; stimulating different emotions through Variety; experiencing these emotions to their fullest through Immersion. # Emotionally limited sex For the recovering Nice Guys of MRP, sex is primarily about covert contracts and [validation.](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/ab7vt5/validation_needs_that_can_poison_your_sex_life/) To avoid upsetting or offending their wives, their emotional expression with sex is both very limited and inauthentic. (This may often account for much of her lack of interest in sex with him.) As he struggles to avoid DEERing and validation-seeking, demonstrate OI, and STFU, the MRP novice often brings even **less** Emotion to the bedroom. This leads to bad sex that fails to engage her emotionally, which very often leads to * [relationship improvement but without much sexual improvement](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/a9ll4z/fr_a_ghost_of_christmas_past/) * [unenthusiastic wives who resist any sexual changes](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/9kov91/own_your_shit_weekly_october_02_2018/e7cmi8t/) * wives who feel emotionally disconnected and [""you only want me for sex""](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/9vlply/mixed_signals_from_wife_lately/) * more Dread-induced *bad* sex that wives eventually reject, with a [return to a dead bedroom or divorce.](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/a798ef/own_your_shit_weekly_december_18_2018/ec2bb68/) Like most guys, I'm most comfortable with the physical aspects of sex, and purely physical sex is at least momentarily satisfying, so in the past I focused primarily on physical acts and stimulation. Reading SGM convinced me to immediately add more Dominance and Variety to sex with my wife (as well as Emotion, which was less clear to me), but it was mostly *physical* Dominance without much emotional effect. Variety to me was also at first about different positions/acts/body-parts/holes. After an initial increase in sexual interest and response (which I now realize was mostly an *emotional* response to the novelty), it tapered off again for my wife, and for me as well. I soon found that without a strong emotional component (whether accidental or intentional), Dominance and Variety have limited effect and are mostly an irritation or a distraction from the better sex I sought for me and her. # Sex with Emotion I eventually realized that seeking variety only through different physical acts was mostly about **allowing me to stay within my own (physical) sexual comfort zone** *by pushing her out of hers.* Now, I'm mostly pushing myself beyond my own comfort zone in learning to use emotion effectively in sex. * Before this change, I was a silent lover. Now, I work at talking before, during and after sex; and not just over-the-top phony dirty talk as in porn videos, but to engage a variety of emotions such as laughter as well as ""sexual"" emotions. I express my raw thoughts, pleasure, and desires rather than censor them during sex. * I've introduced a lot more variety and novelty in ""foreplay"" activities with emotional context, instead of just physical stimulation. I've also added ""preplay"", a variety of physically active sexy or sexual things that I lead my wife to do (such as sexy games or dancing nude, often outside the bedroom) that turn me on and engage my wife's emotions, only some of which involve physical contact. * I focus on the emotional content of Dominance, Variety, and Immersion, and often choose what I do for a desired emotional effect. * I try to engage a variety of emotions when flirting and gaming. Learning to bring Emotion to sex has been a challenge for me and I still suck at it, but to my initial surprise it has already brought me more interest and sexual satisfaction than ""unlocking"" another act, hole, position, or location. (And I don't think this is just because I'm getting old.) This also places positive change within my control, not hers. And when I'm successful at bringing Emotion to sex, my wife is much more easily aroused and sexually responsive. Many guys here seem obsessed with getting their wife to perform some specific sex act. I suspect this focus often arises from a lack of Emotion, leaving them stuck with boring sex and only new physical acts to provide validation or Variety. As I've made sex a richer and more varied emotional experience, I've found that I care less and less about specific acts; by the time we get to the physical sex, the specific act or position is usually incidental to the predominantly emotional experience. *** This post grew out of a discussion with u/resolutions316 following [his most recent OYS,](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/9kov91/own_your_shit_weekly_october_02_2018/e742apr/) at the suggestion of u/weakandsensitive. ",,202,man_in_the_world,2018-12-26 16:30:45 marriedredpill,a9j9sl,You’re Marriage Doesn’t Define You —Merry Christmas!,"Just a quick thought for everyone today. On Christmas Eve, I had this vision, this desire, after the kids had gone to bed, to sit by the tree, watch the lights, sip a bourbon and listen to Handel's Messiah. I pictured doing this with my wife. She was tired after a long day of making food, getting kids ready for church and helping me prepare the tree with gifts. I asked if she wanted to join me. She preferred to watch the rest of The Christmas Story and go to bed. I didn't push. I said ""ok,"" and went into the living room to do just what I had planned. And you know what? I enjoyed the solitude, the time with myself and the calm evening. I had a good time all by myself. Women can add value to our lives but should never be the focus or integral to our happiness.It may sound harsh and cold to newbies... but you don't need her. You can desire her, but you don't need her. You don't even ""need"" your kids. You love and value them, but you don't need them or her. Yes, I would be devastated if something happened to my kids, but at the end of the day, I am still who I am when I stand alone. You don't need your wife. What you do need is to be comfortable in your own skin, by yourself... Alone. As men we are designed, biologically, to be self sufficient. To survive on our own. A woman can enhance your life-- but she doesn't define you. If you find yourself in a place where she is defining your existence and your happiness and purpose... you're wrong and you will be disappointed. Women can add value to our lives but should never be the focus or integral to our happiness. Be ok with solitude and your thoughts. Be better. Be enough. Merry Christmas, men.",,132,JDRoedell,2018-12-25 23:14:07 marriedredpill,a9ll4z,[FR] A Ghost of Christmas Past,"When I found MRP just over a year ago, I hadn't had any sexual contact with my wife for three months and even then nothing too great for years. You can read about it in my first OYS, but she initially got heavy dread from finding MMSLP lying around and we had a fuckfest for a while right afterwards. My journal notes from a year ago today: &#x200B; *""Got a blowjob again last night and today was even more. After the kids opened their xmas gifts this morning, they started playing a video game from Santa. As they were absorbed in the game, I started messing around with her on the couch. I had to leave with the kids in \~5 minutes to go to a family event so I figured this would just be a little fun and maybe get her warmed up for later. Instead, after about the 3rd push-pull, she says, ""do you want to leave the kids here and go upstairs?"" 5 min later, I'm upstairs getting another blowjob (my dick has literally been out of her mouth for a matter of hours at this point). Wanting to give back and also redeem a little for not fucking her hard two nights ago (which she seemed to want), I bent her over and went in hard and rough doggie style. It was a great pounding and she loved it. Then I pushed her down on her stomach so I was literally on top of her, all over her. From there, I grabbed her hair rough with one hand and her throat with the other and wailed on her until I came (very hard and unfortunately VERY fast). There was no time to do anything else - I had to leave for the family event. Afterwards she seemed to want way more and complained of being horny now. I laughed and told her we'll pick it up later tonight. Can't. Fucking. Wait.* *Evening update: Well that went great, yet again. After the kids went to bed, I went down on her right away and she loved it. Then she gave me amazing oral yet again and I finished by doing her missionary. Pounded her hard and rough again, this time with her sucking two of my fingers (which drove me nuts) and yet again she loved it. Need to learn how to last longer but other than that, things are amazing right now. I never knew this woman had it in her. My god does she. I feel like her libido is higher than mine at times now. Unreal. Awesome, but unreal.""* &#x200B; Eventually the dread wore off and she settled into duty sex (mostly BJs). Frequent duty, but still duty. Got a BJ today but man everything has been dialed back from where we were a year ago. Her finding MMSLP was a temporary acceleration; a glimpse at what might be with any woman regardless of where you are at right now. Despite the setback, I've gotten better in every way. Women will find the minimum it takes to keep you and hold it right there. That minimum has been raised significantly for me compared to where I started. but it's still not where I'd like to be and it's nowhere near where it could be. The best damn gift I ever received was finding this forum. It taught me that the best part of being a man is you have the potential to get better every day. Increase your SMV, your abilities and your enjoyment of life every damn day. It's amazing and almost devastating to those trying to keep up with you. Here's to another year of constant progress with OI.",,38,PillUpAss,2018-12-26 04:47:51 marriedredpill,a9a7h7,An Interview of Rian Stone,"[THIS is the interview](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTinlvts1iE) As I said on youtube: ""this is a long form unedited interview of Rian Stone, the first Moderator of both the Married Red Pill and The Red Pill (/r/marriedredpill & /r/theredpill). The discussion includes his time in the Navy and his participation in The Red Man Group and the 21 Con plus the Red Pill Reddit Quarantine, Rian's up and coming youtube channel and his tried and true coaching system for men. Get in touch with him on Twitter at: https://twitter.com/_Rian_Stone Yes, Rian's audio is exceptional and my audio is sub optimal because size matters. My mike is not as big as his and I will fix that little problem. If you have a complaint or suggestion, feel free to speak into the mike."" This is an outline of the talk (links are in the first comment on youtube) 1:10 Rian on Life Coaching 1:39 What do you do on the Married Red Pill Reddit? 3:10 Tell me about your Navy experience? Why do we have so many guys on Married Red Pill who are former military? 4:00 Rian's experiences in the Navy 5:00 Rian on PUA using the Mystery method in the Navy- but no American broads! 5:54 Rian on using PUA and cheating in the Middle East 7:10 Dave on the Red Man Group 7:55 Rian on the value and importance of the Red Man Group to see normal guys having a normal conversation 9:00 Dave & Rian summarize the value of demonstrating male banter 10:12 The mission for the Red Man group- Rian names names from the past and talks about how this type of masculine male banter is not seen anywhere else 11:40 Why don't you talk more in The Red Man Group? Pithy and glib? Of course, but look at the depth 13:25 An analysis of levels of information on different Social Media Platforms (this is an entire book, I know it!!!). 14:20 Rian on Roosh 16:10 Pithy phrases and Married Red Pill guys stepping on your own dick 17:19 Rian on Rollo 18:20 Plug your Patreon page and all the other stuff ($5.00 / month gets you a private telcon with Rian): https://www.patreon.com/_rian_stone 21:45 What is your secret to getting thousands of Followers on Twitter in just a few months? https://twitter.com/_Rian_Stone 23:20 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/_rian_stone/ 24:00 The 21 Con Convention 25:20 Doing PUA at the 21 Con 26:00 The HUGE UPGRADE in the 21 Convention between 2017 and 2018: BMI DOWN! Muscle up! Confidence- sky high! 27:15 The first African Canadian! Is Red Pill anti sematic or racist? 29:00 Identity Politics is stupid 29:45 The Red Pill Quarantine & The Red Man Group Reddit Ban 35:10 My lifting stats are horrible (recovering from an auto accident- you heard it first here because men don't complain or make excuses!) 36:50 Suck it up buttercup! 38:00 Don't be impotent: You are not powerless! 38:50 Male Archetypes on Married Red Pill- almost every guy comes in with the same story. NO SPECIAL SNOWFLAKES! 39:40 Why we beat up new guys on Married Red Pill 41:15 Why is my epic book- ""Saving a Low Sex Marriage, a Man's Guide to Dread, Seduction and the Long Game so far down on the Sidebar?"" 41:50 Tell us about Robert Glover- Red Pill? What is Red Pill? Why are thousands of guys suddenly telling me I saved their lives? (Author of No More Mr. Nice Guy). 43:30 Guys we get on Married Red Pill- Fallen Alphas and Defeated Betas 45:00 BPD- Borderline Personality Disordered girls and how they interact with the different types of MRP guys 47:00 It's not about the nail- My coaching clients from the Married Red Pill Reddit- it is better than therapy but a tricky business model 48:40 Rian loves editing videos, Dave complains about editing videos 49:50 Inside baseball on video creating and editing 50:40 Tell us about your new youtube channel- what kind of content are you going to give us? 52:30 See Rian's YouTube Channel (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4ay...) 53:20 Rian's Coaching Service/Consultation Service 54:38 How Level 11 and 12 of Dread Came about (The Ultimate Cad) 55:40 Sexual Strategy and Masculinity Coaching 57:00 Rian using Red Pill strategies in the workplace and for self-actualization 58:00 Coaching female clients 1:00 Guys refuse to get help!",,64,RedPillCoach,2018-12-25 00:08:35 marriedredpill,a9dcie,"Own Your Shit Weekly - December 25, 2018","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit. ",,4,AutoModerator,2018-12-25 08:24:29 marriedredpill,a8h8hr,Little Big Head,"Essay: [https://therationalmale.com/2018/12/21/little-big-head/](https://therationalmale.com/2018/12/21/little-big-head/) &#x200B; Excerpt: **Trads vs. The Playboy Lifestyle** In order for Beta men to effect this reigning in of the Alpha men women want to tame and breed with, the high SMV man must be demonized and disqualified from the SMP for following his sexual/biological imperatives. The most common way to do this is by conflating his strategy with a degenerate hedonism. he must be made to seem as if he’s not in control of his sexual nature. So the effort becomes one of building an archetype around the ‘*Playah*‘ – A man who would be a bad long term bet for women’s Hypergamy because he lacks self-control. For this straw man character his *little head does the thinking for the big head* making him unreliable as a prospect for parental investment. If enforced monogamy defines the accepted SMP, and women are presumed to be coequal, co-rational participants in it the ‘Playah’ needs to be cast as the outsider. The latent message is the same intrasexual combat method women use with ‘*slut shaming*‘; the ‘*Playah*‘ is a bad bet for long term security even if he is the guy women want to fuck. However, that *Playboy* is a cruel reminder to low SMV men that they’ll never be able to fully exercise their own masculine imperative – unlimited access to unlimited sexuality. The closest the majority of men will ever get to this is online porn; which of course is why it’s so popular. There is a reason why [*68% of Christian men watch porn*](https://conquerseries.com/why-68-percent-of-christian-men-watch-porn/). They understand that it’s the only viable substitute for their sexual imperative that they’re likely to experience in this lifetime. While MRAs and MGTOW tend to reserve a special hate for ‘*Playahs*‘, it’s the Trad-Con mindset that is the most vocal against the Playboy lifestyle. There’s an overarching need amongst *Trads* to confirm their ego-investment in locking themselves into  enforced monogamy.  There’s two complications to this: First, Trad men (and women) tend to superimpose their religious and social belief set on their own sexual strategy. It’s a sin if they don’t accept monogamy as the standard. Today, this belief is a vestige of the old buffers that used to guard against either sex getting too far into their primal sexual impulses and strategies. It’s much easier to impose your sexual strategy on other men, effectively policing their strategy, if it’s ‘*God’s Will’* that everyone behave according to that old social contract. I should add that this is the primary reason most *Trad* men suffer the worst from having their belief in the [*old set of books*](https://therationalmale.com/2014/01/14/the-second-set-of-books/) destroyed by Red Pill truths. It is galling for men who’ve invested their whole lives in the old social contract to have it vividly disproved by ‘*Playahs’* (and women’s behaviors that confirm it) who understand the new social contract well enough to make it work for them. Second, there’s the self-fulfilling idea that a man who opts for the traditional monogamous lifestyle is in some way more progressive or evolved, or life-satisfied than the ‘*Playah*‘ with the option to enjoy his non-exclusive sexual strategy. These are the guys who play up the ‘sour grapes’ *Law of Power:* >***Law 36 – Disdain the things you cannot have*** *If there is something you want but cannot have, show contempt for it. The less interest you reveal, the more superior you seem.* MRAs and Trads alike don’t like being reminded that sex has always been an integral part of a healthy life experience for the majority of men who’ve ever lived on this planet. However, to them, sex is almost always a *reward* for desired behavior that they believe women expect of them. For most of them sex is always transactional so they never live out any frame of reference of having sex with a woman in a validational sense. It’s likely that they will never experience sex in any other context than the transactional. This is simply one of the visceral realities of a Darwinian sexual marketplace. As such, this pretext colors all of their understanding about what is, or should be accepted as, a legitimate sexual strategy – which unsurprisingly is his enforced monogamy strategy.",,25,Rollo-Tomassi,2018-12-22 03:01:39 marriedredpill,a85r4e,The night before Christmas,"Twas the night before Christmas, and a glass was left out Beside it a pill, red and bright, filled with doubt With a promise of change and a new way of thinking He grabbed the glass, and started drinking &nbsp; The man took the pill in his hand and he swallowed But he was not ready for that which followed He spat it back out with a great deal of force But his life was the same and he lived with remorse &nbsp; So he tried it again, and this time it went down It got caught in his throat and he started to drown After coughing and fitting and making a scene It slipped into his chest and he started to dream &nbsp; He began to fit, and dance like a monkey His wife, not impressed, would not be his flunky Hoping for sex and a life much improved His cute little wife had turned into a prude &nbsp; He came to a forum online filled with strangers They laughed and insulted, highlighting the danger ‘No change will you get if you don’t shift your mind’ ‘your lifts don’t impress me, and we are not kind’ &nbsp; ‘realise you are one of many dumb men’ ‘and your wife will keep you as a sheep in a pen’ Disgusted with life and hoping for change The pill reached his head and he felt rather strange &nbsp; He realised he must do things for him only His wife, quite bemused, thought he was a phoney As he changed his perspective to become like the rest He weaved, and dodged, and avoided the shit-tests &nbsp; He no longer cared if they banged all night long As the girl at the counter clearly wanted his shlong He knew he could bang any girl that he wanted And his wife knew he could not be confronted &nbsp; The wife, feeling tinges down her spine Decided to bang like her life was on the line They went forwards and backwards like a man in a fight By the end, a new kind of man came to light &nbsp; He did what he wanted and lead a tight ship And her cute little pussy was starting to drip For a man he was now, no longer a boy And his wife could finally be his fuck toy &nbsp; &nbsp; Merry Christmas gentlemen. I am no poet but hey. ",,128,threekindsoflucky,2018-12-21 03:11:04 marriedredpill,a7lbrg,13 Tips For Developing A Solid Frame,"- People are far too worried about themselves to truly give a fuck about you. When you walk away, they're not thinking about you anymore. - People aren't out to get you, they're for themselves. Far more often than not this is the case and using this to see what they want is a way to still get what you want. - It's easier to ask for forgiveness that permission. Do what you want when you want and deal with the repercussions afterwards. - Life is what happens while your waiting for life to happen. Enjoy every minute of it. - Putting expectations on people is a exercise in disappointment. They'll do what they're gonna do and expecting them to do what you would is useless. Instead, use their actions in a givin situation to determine how much you allow them into your life - Everything that happens to you is your fault. Embrace this and use it advantageously. The only way to truly grow is to use your failures as lessons so you can succeed next time - Powertalking is one of the most underrated skills. When you talk to someone about a topic of mutual interest and only after they walk away do you realize *""Fuck I shouldn't have said that""*, they won. - Life is as much about perception, as it is about reality. How you choose to see the world becomes your reality. - It takes effort to be happy/sad/angry. Don't ever forget this. When you're stressed out, understand that you're doing it to yourself - Getting drawn into an argument is almost always a waste of time. At best you stroke your ego. At worst you look like a total fool. - People love telling other people what they should do/think. It's a coping mechanism for their insecurity. Ignore that shit and also don't do it. - It's fine to admit when your wrong, but never apologize for it. Nothing wrong with being wrong, but feeling the need to say you're sorry is for pussies. - If you need to tell people how awesome you are, you aren't very awesome. Bragging is for the weak.",,164,drty_pr,2018-12-19 10:42:07 marriedredpill,a798ef,"Own Your Shit Weekly - December 18, 2018","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit. ",,21,AutoModerator,2018-12-18 08:24:28 marriedredpill,a6mi0f,The Wrong Way: Don't Be This Guy,"Apparently this video [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wen9pI8iDZU](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wen9pI8iDZU) is making the rounds on the 'chans and some MGTOW forums. A very very bitter Billy Beta attempts to lay a guilt trip on his wife for her refusal to have sex with him in months. I find the video difficult to watch, but I'm impressed with the stoic nature of the wife, who clearly DNGAF what her nagging husband has to say about anything. It's almost like a gender role reversal where the husband comes in to henpeck his wife and annoy her while she's relaxing in bed reading her phone or playing vidya or something. And while he nags and berates her there is a small child in the room. Maybe this is an extreme example of what not to do, maybe this is not all that uncommon in a lot of marriages. But this guy pretty much does the opposite of everything we recommend around here, and it clearly isn't working for him (or her.) &#x200B; 1. Begging for sex doesn't work 2. Doing housework and vacuuming for sex doesn't work 3. Screaming and yelling like a little kid doesn't work 4. Blaming your wife for the lack of sex doesn't work 5. Threatening divorce for sex doesn't work 6. Calling names and making threats for sex doesn't work 7. Having zero frame and nagging and henpecking for sex doesn't work I'm sure I missed a few more. It's like a Red Pill Public Service Announcement or After-School Video. Notice the guy doesn't say anything much about himself, it's all about her, in his mind. He probably says ""you this"" and ""you that"" a few hundred times. Shockingly the wife and kid hold frame just fine through this, like passengers on a train trying to ignore a toddler throwing a temper tantrum. The poor bloke needs to reinvent himself from scratch almost. Instead of uploading videos of him acting like a psycho he could have done a couple sets of squats and deadlifts... DON'T BE THIS GUY! &#x200B; &#x200B; [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wen9pI8iDZU](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wen9pI8iDZU)",,69,0io-,2018-12-16 05:12:56 marriedredpill,a61zq2,[FR] The Plate Affair,"There was a post here recently, describing how Chad was fucking your wife because she was repulsed by you (and / or more attracted by someone else). Though it was posited that there are two types of affairs, “emotional and physical”, OP was bang on that if it’s your woman experiencing either, you’re fucked, and your relationship is finished. I disagree with the assessment that the emotional affair is “more nefarious”, however. If this is your girl, they’re equally devastating - you’re relationship is finished either way. Next. The post described her wanting to vomit at your attempts at coitus. She recoils at your touch. You don’t know her passwords. Good stuff, but polarizing enough to make you “noobs” insecure. See, Chad forever ruined her, and ruined you. But how the fuck do you know that? Should be obvious to anyone that’s not retarded. Some of you feel how cold your girl is and suspect it, gnawing away at you. Others don’t exactly know, but fear the possibilities. Quite the spectrum. Well, how about a far more insidious problem - your girl isn’t entirely disgusted by you or your shit, and you’re “intimate”, you fuck 2-3 times a month? Likely you are emotionally asleep and don’t realize the duty-sex. Did you know she’s bored enough she’s fucking Chad behind your back as well, and even tells him your affair is “improving her marriage”? I typically keep to plating married women. (Yes I’m reasonably happily married too, and do this mostly as an insurance policy, for obvious reasons. Fuck your judgements if you have them). I spent almost 12 hours in a hotel room with one of my favorite plates last weekend, and her behaviours and attitude contradict Shelly from that last post in a way that I think some of you fellas need to know about, also from an adulterer’s perspective. “Selina” is VP-level management in a fortune 500 company. She’s got a model’s build, due to the combination of stress on the job and regular gym routine. Whip smart but listens well; engaging counter-attack when deeply triggered, but a logic-receptive pressure valve that I’ve complimented her on more than once. This one is well post-wall, but I value her aesthetic - she wears minimal makeup (and no scents), and has a fashion taste that sits firmly between want-to-fuck business and want-to-fuck formal - but want to fuck me every time. She killed 3 meetings on short notice to meet me (always keep it it short notice), including one with her boss. When she arrived, she made a joke about being a prostitute (brought multiple choices of legwear and underwear in a big bag). Of course that’s an A&A - “Hell yeah baby this John is leaving $100 on that table in 10 minutes, then get the fuck out”. So here’s where I’d be nervous if married to this successful hoe and insecure in the slightest. Selina started pawing at me like a desperate schoolgirl within 2 minutes of us being alone together. Between fucking four times over the next 11 hours and talking about life, I picked up the following gems from her current SO: * We fuck once or twice a month, I think he believes it is a spiritual act of sorts because he moans and stuff. * I enjoy our fucking but it isn’t enough. * We did it only 2 times last month, i feel like he thought that was normal. *(When asked about her lingerie) Yeah I think he would love it but he’s never said anything, so I don’t do it, I feel like it’s more for you. * I think our marriage is better, I’m not such a bitch now that I get some. I’ve never met her SO and don’t want to meet that beta boy. Then came my turn: * On any given day what is hanging off this plate’s body is worth in excess of $2k, I tore open pantyhose from switzerland that she complained in advance cost her $80 - only to have her encourage it. * “Do whatever you want to me” (Guys - I don’t know how many of you have heard this from a woman, but when you do, combined with that stare into your eyes, you know she has submitted completely to you and you are the King). * Can you please choke me / hit me. (Yes, she asked me to beat her - I went hard enough to get her off but not as far as she wanted - this one tempered me in the metoo era). Her ass was beet red; when I pointed that out, she seemed confident it would fade. Really? You’re a 20 minute cab ride from your husband. But hey great I’m dealing with experience - reminder that this is a plate only, fuck knows how many of these cab rides she’s done. Back to the point of the post. Is this your classy hoe? She staying out late “for work” or “with clients”, and such? If so, take stock brothers. ",,17,vomit_romney,2018-12-14 05:43:16 marriedredpill,a5to2j,"The Pill, Ego, Depression, and Brainwashing","It’s amazing the situations we find ourselves in seemingly not within our control. I don’t think my situation is all that unique of stumbling onto TRP with much bigger issues than just a lackluster sex life. After all, we know that WE are the problem there, not her. Depression, in all its forms is pretty much an epidemic in western societies. We are living lives so far removed from what our mind and bodies have evolved into. A Fight Club quote that convey the point: “Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We’re the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War’s a spiritual war… our Great Depression is our lives. We’ve all been raised on television to believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won’t. And we’re slowly learning that fact. And we’re very, very pissed off.” The majority of all people in this world are lead by their ego. The ego is not your self esteem, pride, or confidence. It’s that internal dialogue where you think you are problem solving. Consciously thinking things through. It’s that part of your brain that gets triggered when someone says something insulting EVEN though you know it’s just plain false. It’s the part of your brain that tells you you are not the man you should be because you don’t have that house, car, job, etc. it’s worse if you are very intelligent and know it, because you KNOW you can solve anything if you just think it through. Well, that’s how you up being the crazy guy on the bus having an argument with himself. He’s just that far gone. Let that ego lead your life, and you just may end up there. We have things too safe, too easy, and too plentiful these days. It leaves too much time for the ego to rule you. Those thoughts passing by or zipping by at 150mph in some cases are externally influenced. We are in the Information Age, and nobody has ever been exposed to so much to think about at once in history. Advertising intends to get in your head through your ego. The media with their narrative? Same. Politicians? They’re not stupid. Master manipulators. Coworker challenging your frame? Take a guess. If you can come to the realization that you are not your thoughts, you are not your feelings, and a thought or emotion can be absolute bullshit, you can gain mental clarity. Everything slows down inside your head, and your day to day can suddenly be on easy mode. Fucked up at work? Take note, plan action, forget it. You won’t feel compelled to mull it over for hours or days. Move on. You can see how this applies to all aspects of life. Shutdown the ego, and all you really have to do is live and die. The rest, including your RP mission will be done by calmly making choices and accepting whatever outcome that nets. ",,39,Acerp321,2018-12-13 13:52:12 marriedredpill,a5dmvm,When I get to the bottom...,"When I get to the bottom I go back to the top of the slide... Where I stop and I turn and I go for a ride... Till I get to the bottom and I see you again... ... Tell me, tell me, tell me, come on, tell me the answer... ... ------- What is the answer? ---------- Is she the answer? Is her love the answer? Is your special connection the answer? Is your made-in-heaven, gods-from-above, shining-down-upon-you marriage the answer? Is she going to be there for all time for you, her special knight-in-shining-armor, the answer? Is the child you share together the answer? Is your house, and your home, and the way you make the bed the answer? Is your vow of holy, sacred, amazing matrimony the answer? ------ **Fuck no.** -------- As like seven people have pointed out in the last couple weeks: No one cares. Your boss doesn't care. Your family doesn't care. Not one fucking person other than you cares. Least of all her. It's all about you. Remember that. It's all about you. -------- **You are the answer. You and only you.** ----------- You care, so you better make it your goddamn job to care. Don't fucking forget it. Don't let the siren song of her feminine attachment let you forget it. Don't let anything, anything at all, cause you to forget it. You, mother-fucker, you are the answer. In that solitary knowledge there is strength. In that stoic understanding there is power. In that once unfathomable comprehension there is the capability to burst through to a new you, a new tomorrow, and a new paradigm. Use that to fuel your next step. Use that to empower your next lift. Use that to make tomorrow better than today. Use that to fucking force your future reality - the one you unflinchingly deserve - the one you unrepentantly demand - the one you undeniably will manifest - use it for you, bro, use it for you. It is that reality which you, and only you, deserve. You, mother-fucker, you. It's all about you. Don't let another goddamn day go by and forget it. It's not about your boss. It's not about your kids. It's not about your wife. It's not about another goddamn soul on God's goddamn green earth. **It's fucking all about you, mother-fucker. All about you.** **So make it count.** ",,70,johneyapocalypse,2018-12-12 02:04:17 marriedredpill,a53za0,The New Polyandry,"Essay: [https://therationalmale.com/2018/12/10/the-new-polyandry/](https://therationalmale.com/2018/12/10/the-new-polyandry/) &#x200B; Excerpt: &#x200B; >What’s really ironic is that this girl discounts what so many men discount when they consider Hypergamy. She couches her total perspective on the Beta Bucks, long-term provisioning side of Hypergamy while conveniently omitting the Alpha Fucks side of Hypergamy. The only consideration she has is for resource transfer – again perpetuating the Beta sex experience – and ignoring the fact that even poor men still get to bang women like her if they’re “hawt’. ‘*Monogamy is made to benefit men*‘, no it’s made to benefit Beta men; Alpha men solve the reproductive problem irrespective of (in spite of) socially enforced monogamy. ‘*Broke men don’t get women*‘,…unless they’re hot broke men. > >I’ve seen Jordan Peterson and more than a few notable evo-psych professors make a similar mistake. They deliberately make Hypergamy solely about the Beta Bucks side of a dualistic mating strategy. Mostly this misdirection is due to personal bias or a want to present the feminine in a positive light. But likewise we also tend to see focus of men’s sexual strategy centering on what long term resources a man has to measure his worth by. Historically, women have generally been the losers in a social order based on a monogamy that tries to ensure that the most men (majority Beta) are solving the reproductive problem. Because women lacked the same resource generating capacity of men, because up until 50 years ago women needed men to solve the Beta Bucks side of Hypergamy, monogamy was a at least a workable solution to their own reproductive problem. > >In 2018 this is no longer the case. For all of the bleating of women wanting a ‘good man’ once they exit the cock carousel, the reproductive problem they’re trying to solve isn’t founded in the Beta Bucks side of Hypergamy it’s on the Alpha Fucks side. For as much as the women in this video tried to defend their mercenary sexual strategy of being justifiable gold diggers they really didn’t need to. All of the provisioning needs side of Hypergamy is relatively provided for for women in western cultures today. > >The monogamous priority – the one that tried to ensure that most Beta men reproduced – that priority has now shifted to a *neo-polyandry*. This new social mechanic attempts to solve the Alpha Fucks side of the reproductive problem for the largest number of women. Just as patriarchal monogamy attempted to aide men who wouldn’t otherwise reproduce, the new polyandry seeks to ensure that even the lowest SMV women are entitled to breed with an Alpha male of their choosing. > >Once all social stigma and religious buffers were removed from Hypergamy (since the Sexual Revolution) it has been a rapid shift from a male-beneficial monogamy that’s been the social norm for millennia to a form of polyandry that benefits the female sexual strategy. > >I’ll be continuing this post in the next essay, but before I leave this essay let me reiterate the *Cardinal Rule of Sexual Strategies: For one sex’s strategy to be fulfilled the other’s must be compromised or abandoned.* Think of this on a sociological meta-scale. &#x200B;",,32,Rollo-Tomassi,2018-12-11 05:32:21 marriedredpill,a550da,"Own Your Shit Weekly - December 11, 2018","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit. ",,5,AutoModerator,2018-12-11 08:24:30 marriedredpill,a4wo54,NMMG in a nutshell (from the book Boundaries with Kids),"I picked up the book ""Boundaries with Kids"" by Cloud and Townsend. They have several books in their ""Boundaries"" series. The books are all an unpacking of what could be distilled down to ""You do you""; Boundaries with Kids, with Teens, in Marriage. Good books IMO. They come from a Christian perspective. Reading in ""Boundaries with Kids"" recently... >When you need someone's love, it is extremely difficult to confront or deprive him, as you risk losing this love via withdrawal, anger, or guilty feelings. As a result, the child isn't disciplined properly and learns the lesson that he can get what he wants if he pulls away the love. Though neither is aware of it, the child is emotionally blackmailing the parent. The parent tries to keep everything pleasant between them, so as not to cut off the flow of relationship. >Ask yourself a tough, honest question: ""Am I afraid that if I say no to my kids, I will lose the love I need from them?"" If that is the case, begin taking your needs for relationship to other places. This is ""No More Mr Nice Guy"" (NMMNG) with a flavor of ""When I Say No I Feel Guilty (WISNIFG) in a nutshell. WISNIFG deals with a much broader subject than the dependency talked about here. But sometimes that ""I Feel Guilty"" component is an unhealthy, dependent-type loss being felt ... not a feeling of guilt. That's what NMMNG is all about. Feeling the need to make others happy and to NOT make others UNhappy drives so much of the Nice Guy's life. That's not love. This is the programming us Nice Guy's must break. It's not my goal to get called an asshole once a week by my wife. But if I'm doing it right (especially after how long I did it wrong), then it's a decent enough metric that if I don't hear it once a week or so I probably need to re-evaluate.",,42,redwall92,2018-12-10 15:37:01 marriedredpill,a46dje,Reddit has banned the Red Man Group sub,"Apparently the Red Man Group sub was so threatening to the mods that they needed to ban it. Their excuse? RMG was trying to circumvent the baseless continuing quarantine of TRP. Essentially they feared our podcast sub would evolve into the next TRP style forum. This is complete nonsense, but this is the age we live in. Men gathering together in any way is either gay or misogynist. Men discussing intergender dynamics is a seditious act. They fear ideas. They fear the crucible of open debate, because they know their own ideas fail in it. ",,182,Rollo-Tomassi,2018-12-08 01:33:22 marriedredpill,a3w3w8,State of the Manosphere 2018,"Essay: [https://therationalmale.com/2018/12/06/state-of-the-manosphere-2018/](https://therationalmale.com/2018/12/06/state-of-the-manosphere-2018/) &#x200B; Excerpt: &#x200B; **What is the Manosphere?** For as much as the mainstream would like to demonize it, the manosphere is really a collection of the minds of men. The manosphere is a *Gestalt.* That’s going to be an important word going forward here. A Gestalt is an organized whole that is perceived as more than the sum of its parts. And there are many parts of the manosphere. For some, the manosphere is a convenient collection of like-minded men who share a common ideology. This is where the mainstream gets the idea that the manosphere is a gathering of misogynists. To our ideological opponents any collection of men, no matter the intent, is always suspect of misogyny. We’ll get back to misogyny later, but even a gathering of 200 of us here, no matter our purpose, is enough to make a feminine-primary social order very nervous.  To them, men gathered together has dangerous implications.  Keep this point in mind; it is a means of control over the Gestalt Masculine. The primary strength of the ‘sphere is that we are a consortium of men’s experiences. We are gestalt; an aggregate of men who’ve come together to share, debate, to improve, to fight and to agree or disagree on the realistic state of men everywhere –  all based on observations, empirical evidence and commonality among all men’s collected experiences. Usually a man’s first experience with the manosphere is through his becoming Red Pill aware. I mean this in the sense of intersexual dynamics. I know the “Red Pill” has been bastardized to mean whatever ideological or political bent a person may have, but this isn’t where the term originated. Men generally find the ‘sphere because they want to improve their understanding of women.  Some become so distraught that they’re on the brink of suicide. It may be from a life long confusion about the decisions they’ve made with women; a girlfriend, a wife, an Ex. What they find in the manosphere is answers. Maybe they find the works of any number of the men speaking here today. Maybe they find MGTOW, or the Men’s Rights Movement.  Maybe they find the Red Pill forum on Reddit (or maybe not today since the forum is still quarantined).  Maybe they discover more of the same in Purple Pill hacks – life coaches – who are feeding them just enough Red Pill awareness to them so that it seems novel.  Or maybe they find my blog and books. Regardless, each of them is looking for a means to improve their lives. We don’t advertise in the manosphere. Not much anyway. The Red Pill, by its nature, is something that a man has to be looking for. Anyone who’s ever tried to “red pill” his friend or brother to help them avoid a life-ruining decision knows what I mean. It’s an unfortunate truth that men are often Zeroed Out and at their lowest when they become most open to introspection. Men are often looking to understand women, but this eventually becomes an education in understanding themselves. It’s never enough to simply learn some PUA techniques. Game is integral to a Red Pill awakening in a man, but it is an incomplete act without internalizing the truths that the practice of Game reveals to men. As men learn about the nature of women they also come to realize why they did what they did, and why men do what they do. I often have men tell me how they wished they had the knowledge of the Red Pill before they made some debilitating decisions in their lives. ",,27,Rollo-Tomassi,2018-12-07 03:58:07 marriedredpill,a3692n,"A note for the Latter-Day Saints, Mormons, and frankly anyone from a traditional Christian background...","A big thank you to u/becoming_alpha for proofreading, improving, and fixing this giant wall of text. We've noticed a ton of Latter-Day Saint posters come through here and thought this might help you get started. You may wonder if this is for you. Read this long post before you decide. NOTE: THIS IS ONLY AN INTRO TO REDPILL FOR LDS MEN. IT IN NO WAY SUPPLANTS THE BASIC READING MATERIAL OR HARD WORK IT WILL TAKE TO FIX YOUR LIFE. Lift, sidebar reading, STFU etc. **Why You Are Here** You’re a Latter-day Saint. A member of the Church of Jesus Christ. And you’ve got marriage problems. You feel like you were bait and switched, sold a bill of goods. You probably found this place Googling something like “why won’t my wife have sex with me” or “why doesn’t my wife desire me” or “how can I get my wife to desire sex with me.” Or maybe you were sent here by a well-meaning friend. You’ve taken a vow of chastity. That is that you will not have sex with any woman other than your wife. What do you do when she won’t have sex with you as often as you want, as passionately, or even at all? You feel stuck. You’ve covenanted to be sexual with her and only her, but she doesn’t want to be sexual with you. You feel like you’re a roommate that she’ll occasionally have sex with to keep you around. **This Isn’t What I Signed Up For** Why do God and the Church command you to remain faithful but very little is said about her responsibilities? Doesn’t she have a duty to you just as much as you have a duty to her? You were told during your entire time in the Church that sex within the bounds of marriage is good, beautiful and holy. But you can see it’s just a chore for her. Perhaps as a youth you were told that if you could just hold out until marriage that this wonderful world would be open to you with your beautiful bride and you would be free to explore and do whatever you want with her forever. Maybe it started that way. Why won’t she have sex with you now? After all, you’re “Peter Priesthood”. You Protect, Provide, and Preside. You do all the stuff in the Family Proclamation... but she seems less and less interested in you. You do what’s right. You follow the Commandments most of the time. You go to church on Sundays. You magnify your calling. You dutifully go to your job to make money to provide for your family. Maybe you figured out that whole protect thing (chances are you have, most US based male Saints are gun owners). But do you really preside? (I’ll get to that later) **Duty Sex – Lack of Desire** Your wife doesn’t seem to be attracted to you like she was when you were dating and couldn’t wait to have sex. Maybe you made it to the finish line before going all the way, maybe you didn’t but the Honeymoon is officially over. She has dutiful boring sex with you once every while. She complains that she “needs to feel more loved to have sex” or that “she’s just not very sexual.” You notice that she just wants to get it over as quickly as possible. It feels like she’s just checking another item off her list. You can tell she has no desire for you. Do you really want sex if it’s just a duty? You may think that something is better than nothing here, and you’re trying to be grateful for any little affection she shows you. **Blaming, Bargaining, and Guilt** You secretly blame the kids you have had with her, they came along and took her tight body, her hormones, her time and attention, her unconditional love she was supposed to have for you forever, and now she is just tired. You love the kids, but that doesn’t make it any easier. You secretly blame the Church for sexually repressing her desire. Maybe she feels visibly guilty after sex and dries up even more. Your clumsy attempts to “spice things up” only making things worse? You see she’s busy, so you get the idea that if you do more around the house she’ll have more time and energy for you, and you’ll get the intimacy you need. You’re doing extra chores around the house trying to take the load off her after a long day of watching the kids. You’re disappointed when she would rather sit in bed and scroll through Facebook than be with you. You’re frustrated that she didn’t even notice all you did to help her, and you’re bitter she doesn’t give you the attention you give her. After all, she knows what you want. How can she not? You’re still frustrated and feel guilty when you’re having sexual thoughts about other women If your wife would just have sex with you, that struggle would be a lot easier. You’ve talked or tried to talk to her about your needs and desires. You do your best to negotiate something that works for her. Maybe she said she understood and would try, and maybe you had better sex for a week or two. But then you’re back to duty sex. There is an extra layer of guilt layered on here as Saints. Let’s be brutal and say that sometimes the frustration and rejection is just too much, and maybe you look at a little bit of porn, take care of yourself, and then feel guilty about it for weeks. You know it’s not right, but if she’d just have sex, or really if she would just desire you, you wouldn’t turn to porn or other fantasies. You might find yourself reflecting on what attracts you to pornography and realize that yes, it’s the sex and the beautiful women but it’s also the desire. It’s that validation feeling of a man being enthusiastically desired by a woman. It doesn’t matter that she’s on the other side of a screen, she has desire and it’s aimed at you. Whether she’s just acting or not, it’s way more than your wife does. Maybe you even repeatedly go to your bishop and wonder why you can’t break the addiction. Why does porn keep pulling you back? Does the cycle sound familiar? You really aren’t allowed any vices. Except food. So you’ve put on a few or a bunch of pounds of fat after a few years of this. Who cares anyway? Who do you need to attract? You got married already and she’s not sleeping with you anyway. **Lack of Respect** Furthermore, she doesn’t respect you. She tells you what to do and because “no authority should be exercised by virtue of the priesthood” you do your best to downplay that whole patriarchal bit. You don’t want to exercise unrighteous dominion, so you back off and defer to her opinions on just about everything. You want her to be happy so you put her on a pedestal and do everything you can to make her happy, all the while secretly hoping that if you make her happy, she’ll make you happy (sexually). You walk on eggshells around her because if you make her upset you’ll feel guilty and you for sure won’t get any sex. She plans all the activities, spends 99% of the money and dictates your schedule around the kids’ activities. So you find yourself feeling like a bank account for your family. Your wife and children don’t respect you and the sacrifices you make. You are a comic relief sitcom dad. They don’t respect what you do in your church service, your job or in your life. You stop hanging out with most of your friends. You don’t really have any hobbies aside from the odd game of golf that your wife lets you play. You always get permission from her to take time away from home to do things you want. You’re lonely. You find yourself headed to 40 years old, (maybe 40 is in the rearview mirror) you are depressed and wondering: Is this God’s plan for me? I’m here to tell you that it’s not. **Rewarded for Being a Nice Guy** Perhaps you grew up in the Church. Maybe you’re a convert. That really doesn’t matter. In any case you’ve been told that if you do the right things and live the right way that you’ll be blessed for your efforts. If you’re nice enough, and serve enough, and endure to the end, you’ll get your reward. And the reward is awesome. You get your wife and family in this life, then you get to be exalted, become like God, and have eternal increase with your wife forever. So, super cool resurrected God-sex making spirit babies for eternity. Sounds pretty good. In many ways this is right, but in one fundamental way it gets twisted into what is essentially one of the worst lies ever told. As we know, that’s Satan’s favorite tactic: take a truth and twist it a little. No amount of good works on your part (or grace of God) can overcome the free will of another person. Let me repeat that. **God will not undermine the free will of another person to prevent you from getting hurt.** That means He will not make your wife have sex with you just because you are living a righteous life. He will also not prevent her from cheating on you, divorcing you and taking your kids, dog and future away. Don't lie to yourself. Mormon women cheat. Not all LDS women CHOOSE to cheat, but ALL women are capable. Temptation comes to everyone. The devil and the world uses our natural impulses to drive wedges between us at every turn. The sooner you leave your sheltered upbringing behind and accept the fact that she may very well have cheated on you in the past, be cheating on you now, or may cheat on you in the future -the better. You do NOT have to shrink and accept this behavior, but you need to accept that it is a possibility and act in a way that limits the damage other people's free will can do to you. Free will is the essence of this life. It is the reason there is so much joy in this world, and so much suffering. God allows all the atrocities we know of happen because he gave us free will. More importantly, free will is what you and I stood shoulder-to-shoulder to fight for in the great war in heaven. The moment you chose a side in that war was the moment you accepted every struggle, every joy, every pleasure and every ounce of pain in your life. What if I told you that you chose this fight? **Whose Fault Is It?** What if I told you that one person is responsible for all of this: the lack of sex and respect, the loneliness, unmet expectations, and sadness? It’s you. Yes, you. Look in the mirror. No, take your shirt off and look in the mirror. Now honestly ask yourself, would you want to have sex with you? If not, you have some low-hanging fruit and improvements you can make quickly and easily. The deeper and more important changes happen on the inside. **What Do I Do?** You fix yourself. I’ll tell you the secret of why your wife doesn’t want to have sex with you. You’re not attractive. And you don’t fix yourself just to be attractive to her, you fix yourself because that’s the man you want to be. In the (paraphrased) words of u/Rian_Stone – you came here for sex, but left with self-actualization. The best bait and switch in history. This only works if you do it for yourself. If you want to fix yourself, there’s hope. But it’s going to suck, it’s going to be hard, and it’s going to require you to give your best. Just like Neo in the Matrix, you are at a decision point in your life. Take the blue pill and keep doing what you’re doing with that gnawing emptiness inside you, or take the red pill and discover the truth and what you need to do. “And now that my soul might have joy in you... arise from the dust, my sons, and be men.” If you’ll listen and fix yourself, you’ll learn or re-learn to be a man (not just a male). **Redpill is Amoral** All that said, if you’ve done ANY browsing here you might have been turned off by the swearing, (J. Golden Kimball has nothing on me) the talk of cheating or “spinning plates” and the general worldly attitude. The science behind the redpill and understanding of female hypergamy and human sexual dynamics has its roots in the pickup artist community. That may bother you. No one cares. Doesn’t change that fact that it works. Guys here came from all walks of life. They do not share your morals. Some will be purposefully grating to test your resolve and toughen you up in a locker-room environment. I implore you to look past all of that for now and into the motives behind the message. You have chosen a moral path that raises this stuff from hard mode to original Nintendo-hard. Good for you. Now get into the gym, lift weights, read the materials on the sidebar and start owning your shit. ",,142,alphasixfour,2018-12-04 23:28:57 marriedredpill,a2xr53,Red Pill Truth- Nagging LTR/Wife? You are the one at Fault. Not Her,"First of a little about me. I am 34 in a LTR with a 26 year old woman. Fully took the red pill many years ago but am constantly still learning and evolving. My gf was initially was one of my plates but over time she proved worthy of a much more serious commitment so I dropped everyone else I was seeing at the time and became exclusive with her. For the first 8 months of the relationship, everything was great. I fully embraced my role as a masculine man and she was able to relax and flourish with grace and femininity. I am the captain and she is my lieutenant. Things were great, until slowly but surely I lost sense of who I was and reverted back to my old blue pill tendencies. As the relationship progressed, my love for her grew more and more. Gone was the idea that she was replaceable at a moment’s notice to thinking she was a rare Unicorn who I was going to marry and have children with. The thought of losing her started to become unfathomable to me. With those feelings came my beta like behavior. Never wanting to disagree with her. Making sure she was happy, without regard to my own happiness. Allowing her to change certain aspects of myself because I thought that is what she wanted (my hairstyle, what I ate, etc). It was pathetic. When she was a plate, I never would have tolerated any such behavior because I wasn't scared to walk away. But over time I fell in love and slowly my masculinity drifted away and I was slowly letting her have my balls on a platter. As you can probably imagine, things between us became terrible. The more I was pleasing her, the more bitchy she became. We started arguing more, sex was less, and it never seemed like she was happy. To say I was resentful is an understatement. I vividly remember the moment the lightbulb clicked in my head. I was at her parents house celebrating her birthday. She was being a bitch as usual and my phone happened to be on the table. She knew the password to my phone and started looking through my messages. I was very uncomfortable with the fact but I was too much of a pussy to upset her. I noticed she started to look through messages between my mother and I. I told her if she would mind giving me back my phone. She said no and kept reading. I asked her again. She ignored me and kept reading. Then the third time I regrettably whined and yelled at her and grabbed the phone from her hand. She then proceeded to scold me like a child and demanded that I never talk to her like that again. **And then, it all made sense to me. I realized the problem wasn't her. It was me.** **I lost my way as a man.** It was as simple as that. I no longer was this masculine man who was the leader of the relationship. I no longer was a man that people wanted to respect and follow. I no longer was a man who believed in himself and was willing to set boundaries and walk in a moment’s notice if those boundaries were crossed. Her frame became my reality. How can a man expect his girl to love and respect him if he isn’t fulfilling his role as a man should be in a relationship? How can he expect his girl to be feminine and sweet if his actions are causing the polarity between the two to fade away? **Her bad behavior was a result of my inability to be the man she fell for in the first place.** **Her bitchiness and nagging was her way of crying for help. It was her way of indicating I needed to change and be the man I know I am capable of being.** From that day forward the entire relationship changed back to the way it was before. Even though I love this girl, I realized that I had to respect myself first and foremost and make myself happy. Setting boundaries, telling her no, not changing my unique quirks just to please her. **I had to adopt the mindset that things may not work out between the two of us but even if it does I WILL BE FINE.** Once I did that, the bond between us grew exponentially and things couldn’t be better. She no longer nags or complains because she knows I will walk. She is completely comfortable now being in her feminine because she can finally feel my internal strength again. She feels that if she pushes me to far, theres another girl ready to take her place. \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ A women will never love you unless they respect you. In order to get that respect from her, you have to be the leader and never lose sight of that for one minute. Fellas, never play the role of victim. You are responsible for your significant others behavior. Be the captain and she has no other choice but to follow. She’s either in or she’s out. It’s as simple as that. ",,129,Victor-James,2018-12-04 05:40:47 marriedredpill,a2yte7,"Own Your Shit Weekly - December 04, 2018","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit. ",,15,AutoModerator,2018-12-04 08:24:41 marriedredpill,a2ndes,Don't argue.,"Here's the short version about me: i was married, i took TRP, we divorced as 'too little too late' and here I am at 40 still reading still learning still growing. I read a lot of posts from guys where he describes that his wife did or said something -and he describes how he responded -and what he said and what she said -and how he owned it/ or he dominated/ or he was too Alpha/ or he was too beta/ and so on. The problem is, at the point where you are arguing with a woman you have already lost because of some key fundamental facts. The incorrect assumptions that I see are as follows: 1 you believe that your wife will recognise and respond to coherent thought 2 you believe that the woman is equal to you 3 you believe that when she understands your coherent point, that she will acknowledge that you have made a coherent point and yield the argument, while perhaps offering to change her shitty behavior, blow you and check your tyre pressure too. Like every adult human she wants to marry up, believing that she got a catch who all her friends are jealous of. She never asked to be married to her equal, when you act like her equal you have devalued yourself to the level of a woman. Because you have devalued yourself she despises you, and because she disrespects and despises you she cannot possibly acknowledge that you have made a valid point. No combination of words that you come up with, however logical, will make her admit that you are right and she is wrong. That would be like admitting that you are smarter than her and there is no possible dignified way for her to admit that she is not as smart as you are. Stepping back in time a little I noticed that men are never recorded as having lengthy arguments with their wives; they may have fought but men never tried to use rational debate with their wives very often at all. About 4 generations ago feminism taught us all that men and women are the same which is fundamentally a sexist thought of course, but I won't go into that here. Feminism also taught us that women are equal which is fine in terms of the right to vote and the right to work and so on, but women are not equally logical and should never be assumed to think like a man would think and acknowledge that you have a valid point, even when you do. She is unlikely to be arguing because she wants to learn something; it is far more likely that she is arguing because she needs to manipulate you or express displeasure from something you said or didn't say this morning, or because she simply craves attention, or because she is simply trying to mask some other emotion that she is upset about. In conclusion I hope that I have made this point clearly. When you choose to argue with her you have elevated her to your level, therefore she rightly despises you, therefore you have lost no matter what else happens. Additionally, I have made the decision to never argue with my ex-wife since that is a privilege that was part of marriage, and therefore it is a privilege that she has lost. Now my lawyer does the talking. 3 years later and she still hates it when I can't be baited and she doesn't even know why. Instead of arguing with her; there are a few things that you can do that I have done in the past, including; Amused Mastery/ grab a pre packed gym bag and disappear for two hours/ say nothing/ or state your piece clearly one time and leave it at that. ",,101,rAFCdadHUSBAND,2018-12-03 10:11:00 marriedredpill,a2gl6z,"Rollo Tomassi's Red Pill 101 – Ep.6: The ""Rules""","**Red Pill 101** **Join Pat Campbell and Rollo Tomassi live today at 4:30pm** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zHUMcCZmgKw](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zHUMcCZmgKw) Do you feel like you're playing by by one set of rules while everyone around you seems to be playing by another? Do all the women you interact with seem to have a restrictive set of hoops for you to jump through in order to qualify for their intimacy while they eagerly break their own rules for a different type of guy? Do the married guys you know still cling to their wives rules like their sex live depend on it? The rules that a woman creates for a man she perceives as Beta carry over into that man's LTR and marriage. A marriage/LTR usually retains whomever's Frame that relationship had when the couple first became intimate. A lot of Beta men (and even some well-meaning Red Pill men) carry over this need for female (their Mother's) approval into their relationships, proudly integrating their personal beliefs into how well they satisfy a woman's rules and plans for his own life. Are the 'old set of books' social agenda really the same set of personal rules women have for their own approval for Beta men? Pat and I will discuss these issues and how to help men avoid the most common problems that lead to dead-end and damaging relationships for men. Bonus: Why 'Promise Keepers' issues are really mommy-issues not daddy-issues.",,13,Rollo-Tomassi,2018-12-02 19:56:08 marriedredpill,a2e2k1,Rian Stone on The 21 Report,"New video of Rian Stone interviewed on The 21 Report. Rian Stone on The 21 Report with George Bruno | Full Interview | 4K UHD https://youtu.be/c3Tn0lSqGyc Full 2017 speech will be publishing soon, followed by his 2018 speech later in 2019. Always first at 21 University, then Youtube/other platforms.",,12,Dream_21,2018-12-02 15:27:44 marriedredpill,a1zbip,Reminder : No One Cares,"There is a long story to my life. But the lesson from it is “ no one cares” People only see what you are now. They don’t care that you grew up poor as shit They only see the nice car and house They don’t care about the risks you took. They only see the winnings. They don’t care whether you had to literally try to overcome a crippling physical impairment. They only see you as you are now. They don’t see your struggles, your addictions ( for you drinkers and druggies ). They don’t care about your anxiety or that your Mom or Dad or whatever set you up for failure despite or because of good intentions. There are no points for working hard or trying hard. Your wife doesn’t care. Your kid doesn’t care. Your dog may care though. So for those of you who still think that you deserve a thing because you worked hard- No one gives a shit. They can’t. Not in a way that will matter to you. So go forth and make your own plan and your own mission and be your own judge. No one will ever know how hard you worked for it. And if they do? Those aren’t chips you can cash in. I promise there is a story to this. What it is doesn’t matter. What matters is what you did today to make your life what you want it to be. ",,224,Taipanshimshon,2018-12-01 03:02:53 marriedredpill,a1om80,Male Authority – Provisioning vs. Duty,"Essay &#x200B; [https://therationalmale.com/2018/11/29/male-authority-provisioning-vs-duty/](https://therationalmale.com/2018/11/29/male-authority-provisioning-vs-duty/) &#x200B; Excerpt: > > >In an “egalitarian” marriage it is actually financial considerations that imbalance that idealistic fantasy of a “coequal partnership”. Men and masculinity are made to look ridiculous, insecure, potentially violent and incompetent on a social scale. This effort to delegitimize anything male has been going on since the late 1960s. The social impact of this has resulted in several generations whose default impression of men in general is one of distrust. Either distrust based in men’s potential for abusiveness, or largely more a distrust based in a default presumption of incompetence. Women cannot trust a man with her life because a majority of men are ridiculous buffoons, no better than big children and now we add that almost 40% of them are outearned by their wives. > >Is it any wonder women have no default respect for a man’s course for their lives? In fact, given these modern circumstances, fantasies of an egalitarian marriage being the ideal notion are really the only way to justify marriage at all for women. Thus, we’ve crafted a new ideal of marriage that furnishes women with legal and social failsafes to make what looks like a really horrible, life-long attachment to a buffoon or an abuser just palatable enough to have women believe things might work out for them. Don’t worry ladies, the egalitarian ideal, that any potential husband worth your consideration will subscribe to wholesale, provides you not only with options that will absolve you of all responsibility for *his* (and your own) failures, but you’ll never have to really *do* anything he says. The law is on your side, and the very premise of an egalitarian marriage frees you from ever having to go along with one of his half-baked life plans for the both of you. In fact, as long as you make more money than him, you’ll almost surely be doing the ‘course’ setting for the both of you. > >Needless to say this is not conducive to women entertaining a default deference to men’s authority. If women’s baseline impression of men is one of incompetence, ridiculousness and distrust, and then you combine it with the fact that over a third of them wont be earning the same financially we begin to see the reasons for the decline in marriage today. If the default perception of men is one of expected incompetence, why would a woman ever want to get married? > >This is kind of a quandary. In marriage, a man’s authority today only extends to this monetary wealth – there is no inherent authority associated with being male despite what feminist bleat about ‘male privilege’. Wealth enforces will, but women still seek to find ways around accepting that authority by assuming control of that wealth. This is one reason why “*financial abuse*” has been fashioned into a form of spousal abuse, but there are many other means of emotional control that mitigates male authority-by-wealth. &#x200B;",,27,Rollo-Tomassi,2018-11-30 03:21:15 marriedredpill,a1heoe,[FR] Game and frame,"I haven't seen a lot of FR's from newer guys so I figured I write one up. First 5 weeks of RP sucked... then everything changed. I have a long long way to go - overall plan is going to take 12-18 months. I will preface this to saying my journey to be more physically attractive started months before finding RP. I'm still a fat fuck but considering I'm 55 lbs less than when I got married and never been this skinny or strong since I've known my wife has had to have helped this process. About two weeks ago after either a really long continual shit test or a potential 'main event' (a week of non-stop talk about me being selfish and her wanting a divorce), everything changed. I saw the light switch effect with my wife. Suddenly I wasn't repulsive to her. If you had asked me a couple of months ago if what happened last night was even in the realm of possibility I'd have laughed at you. My frame has been solid the past few weeks - what I want, not getting upset by threats of divorce, keeping a good mood when she's mad. She made the comment that it's annoying that I don't ever seem to get affected by anyone else's moods. (Response: Yep - unless you're turned on). She claimed I'm perverted, only want sex. Owned that shit (yep - let's go right now, etc.). She'll probe your frame immensely when starting out. Don't back down. Don't apologize. Don't complain. To be fair I do find myself edging to complaints and have to catch this. It's a marathon that never ends. Not a sprint. Get home after work. Kids are around as well as her father in law. Start gaming the wife. Light touching, spinning her around and kissing her. Then escalated to grabbing her ass and tits when no one was looking. She was so turned on it was incredible. I was able to do whatever I wanted and she didn't push back. She started to wipe up something on the kitchen floor so I started grinding her ass. We were then on the floor and I started fingering her... right in the middle of the kitchen which opens up to the living room where the kids are watching TV. Lead her to the mud room for a quick fuck and then we went back and sat with the kids (after she went to change her soaked panties). If anyone, anyone who is new doubts that this process works - don't. Maybe it will take longer and maybe she'll never come around, but you won't care. You'll be free to do what you want. I want to have this playful fun relationship with whoever I'm with. I'll get that - either my wife will come along or won't. So far I am absolutely amazed by the progress I've seen. I went from a few times a month of starfish, never making out, resisting quick pecks or hugs to this. When she kisses me now she wants to... she hugs *me* and holds on for dear life. Make your plan, stick with your plan, don't rambo (like I did), accept failure, and get better. And post in OYS... that's mandatory to hold yourself accountable for the stupid shit you do.",,51,[deleted],2018-11-29 13:39:15 marriedredpill,a191sz,[FR] - The Affair,"There are two types of affairs: Emotional and Physical. I have had an ongoing physical affair with Shelly (Mormon mom) for the better part of four years. Since my divorce process has started, that physical affair has turned emotional over the past 3 months or so. She is clearly testing me as a branch. Just to give you an idea, for the past 6 months I have sex with Shelly at least once a week, sometimes multiple times a week. I will go on record of saying that while both types of affairs are ""game enders"" in my book, the emotional affair is far more nefarious than the physical when you talk female -> male types of affairs. I would also argue that for any faggot noob who says his wife or LTR just had an emotional affair and it was never physical, you are sadly fucking mistaken. Yesterday I had lunch with Shelly. We spent about two hours together eating seafood, have a few cocktails. She bought by they way, or should I say her husband did…Saw her later at school pickup…anyway I digress… During our time together she revealed to me that over the past 6 months as we have spent more time together, fucking, etc. that she refuses to have oral sex with her husband anymore. They used to practice Shibari, and that has stopped as it disgusts her to submit to him like that now. She threw away all his ropes after she blamed their two dogs for chewing them up, which caused an argument in their home. Shelly's husband works an 8-5 job. My job is remote, so we have all day to see each other if I want. She goes out of her way to let me know anytime he is going to be out of town overnight. We are very active sexual texters and we rarely go more than 24 hours w/o some form of communication. Women want something to think about. If you are not giving your woman feelz and tingles, you can 100% be assured she is getting them somewhere else. Facebook, Buzzfeed, some guy like me…..SOMEWHERE. The physical affair can be chalked up to so many things. A little hormones here some tequila there, but the emotional one, well that takes time, effort and commitment to keep that going. Which is why, if you want to be a cuck to a physical affair, whatever I suppose an argument can be made, but the emotional one you can never succumb to being a cuck to that kind. Could a woman have a genuine physical only affair? Absolutely. I would say it is a snow balls chance in hell that she could have an emotional only one. Yesterday Shelly told me things like: I want to sleep with my head on your chest like the other day. I want to curl up next to you where I feel safe and secure. I treasure my time with you, all of it. Shelly and I didn’t have sex yesterday, nor did we do anything very physical at all. But I decided to spend some time with her, which she and I greatly appreciated and I got some nice seafood and companionship. Shelly is testing the branch, I can feel it. I can see it playing out in slow motion and it validates every single thing we talk about here. So what is my point? All I want to do with this post is show what it is like from the adulterer side of an affair, as so many of the people coming here for help are on the opposite (receiving) side. All the men who come here, looking for answers on how to save their marriage, get their woman to love them, suck their dick and want to drain their balls….. If you suspect or have proof of an affair, you have lost. Period, end of story. I can see it in her eyes. She hates being around her husband. She wants to vomit at the thought of making love to him, or even touching him. I have alpha widowed her and there is no going back. She is forever ruined and I forever ruined him. Shelly asked me yesterday what I thought about her asking one of her friends to cover for her on a Saturday night so we could actually go out and do something like a ""couple"". I shot that idea down, and reminded her that as soon as other people know her risk exposure goes up, I am not officially and finally divorced, etc. What I didn’t tell her, was that I am not ready for that, I am not that stable of a branch. That’s the amoral part I suppose. I also don’t think I would want to LTR a cheater, but that is kind of hypocritical as I am a cheater as well I suppose…there is that hamster….. When you call your wife/LTR - do you have your own ringtone? Shelly's husband does. That way she knows it is him, and she can either answer and lie as to what she is doing, or send him to VM. Shelly has incredible OPSEC on her phone. I should know, I set it up for her. Shelly's BB husband doesn’t know her password, has no TouchID on her phone. Doesn’t know her FB password, nothing. Is it blind trust or stupidity? Trust but verify we say… Is Shelly your wife? Is this story your wives? Do you think it is? How many of Shelly's behaviors does your wife have in common? Her husband has his head so far deep in the sand. After our last sex encounter I sent Shelly home with a bruise on her ass from me slapping her ass so hard. A literal bruise in the shape of my index and middle finger. She wore it proudly and even told me when it was gone. How in the fuck does her man not notice another mans handprint on his wives ass over the course of 3-4 days? What in the actual fuck? Get your fucking head out of the sand. Everything you do, it has to be FOR YOU. NEVER FOR HER. The game is over, and she has won when you start to live your life on her terms, and work to appease her. I am an amoral fuck when it comes to this stuff. Red Pill is amoral. But I know what I want, and will not stop and never quit. I hope this post pisses off some of you faggot noobs. For you vets, I hope it gives you a stark reminder as to why you have to always, 100% w/o question BE THE PRIZE. I hope it feels like I hit you with a 2x4 in your face. And let me tell you why. I would rather get hit by a 2x4 in my face by a semi-anon internet stranger who gives half a single fuck about me, vs. be taken advantage of by an adulterer.",,163,red-sfpplus,2018-11-28 18:45:09 marriedredpill,a0syq6,"Own Your Shit Weekly - November 27, 2018","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit. ",,15,AutoModerator,2018-11-27 08:24:27 marriedredpill,a0noeq,This Holiday Season- A Public Service Announcement:,"Listen up Faggots. Uncle Chad already hung up his Christmas lights you lazy fat fucks. The minute I started untangling the strands of lights on my front lawn yesterday, my next door neighbor – a hot young milf- pulls up in her driveway. She smiles at me, Uncle Chad gives her a wink, and then she goes inside. 5 minutes later, her loser fat beta husband comes outside to hang up their lights as well. My hunch was correct, as soon as she went inside she must have nagged her beta husband about decorating the house for Christmas like I was doing. The entire time, she was supervising over his shoulder and nagging the fuck of out him. She was brutal. He couldn’t do anything right. I know this one very well. The way he put the lights in the garden was wrong, the way he positioned the snowman stakes was wrong, the way he wired the lights was wrong because she didn’t like how the extension cord went across the walkway, the clips he used for the lights were wrong. I listened as his wife bitched him out for over a hour. The best part was how he overloaded the amps because he had too much shit plugged into one outlet and all the lights went out. She got so pissed at him she slammed the door shut and went inside. He was pathetic. What a fat fuck. This holiday season, don’t be a pussy. Take the lead. Take Charge. Don’t sit idling by. Your wife, if it didn’t start already, is about to get pimped by the mainstream Christmas narrative. She’ll FEELZ the pressure to buy all kinds of shit you don’t need to try to impress her family and friends at all the holidays parties. Don’t get pimped. Your wife just celebrated Thanksgiving and gave thanks for everything she currently has in her life, but now she will get pimped and demand all sorts of expensive trinkets and gifts as presents. And if you don’t oblige, she’ll guilt shame you the entire time. Here’s my advice to you: Be mindful of your wife deliberately trying to make you more beta. Be mindful of her actively ball-busting & emasculating you during this holiday season. Here, wear this ugly Christmas sweater. Here, hold my purse while I go in this store for a second, Here, when we go to my parents house for Christmas, don’t say a fucking word, sit there like a good little boy and obey me. Here, let’s pack up the kidos and whisk them away to their 4th party this evening. You better not fucking complain either. If they kick and scream, it’s your fault. If they act like little brats while opening their presents, it's also your fault. You may ask, “Why would my sweet little bride, my soul mate, purposly try to emasculate me?” Because it secures her male's long-term commitment - by reducing his options. By ball busting you into submission, she destroys all of your self-esteem. At your lowest: It's harder to stay on top of your health. Less likely to work out. It's harder to kick ass at your job. You're less likely to fuck other women. You're less likely to cheat. You're more likely to stay. She knows, on some subconscious level, that male attractiveness is about your mojo, or your overall attitude. If she can destroy your self-esteem, you'll never have enough mojo to even think about getting another woman. Then you're hers to drain of resources ($). Eventually, the relationship may end, but it will be on her terms -- the way she likes it. An aging women without a beta is fucked. Back in the day, she would have to live with her extended family and be a burden into old age. At worst, she would end up a beggar on the streets. Many female beggars in the 19th and early 20th centuries were simply widows. And these destitute women served as a visceral reminder to ALL women: you're lucky to have a provider, sweetheart. So, in their subconscious core, women are fucking terrified of not having a mate to provide for them. This fear has been bred into them as a Darwinian fitness mechanism. The fucked up irony is that, in acting to secure her mate's long-term commitment by lowering his value, she becomes no longer interested in him as a mate. This didn't used to be a problem, because she'd only have to look at the destitute women to see what happens if she's tempted to leave. Now, however, thanks to alimony and no-fault divorce, when she's thoroughly betafied her man, she just leaves him and takes his money. Take-home lessons: Build a lifestyle that keeps you attractive and in-charge. Never compromise. Keep a strong frame in any relationship. If she ever tries to betafy or ball-bust you, recognize it for what it is: She's insecure in the relationship. Handle it like any other shit-test. Don’t be proud of the fact that she considered you ""marriage material"". It just meant that you can be relied on to be there. You had limited options. You give no tingles. You might be a good provider one day. Happy Holidays faggots. Don't get pimped.",,106,MrChad_Thundercock,2018-11-26 21:20:35 marriedredpill,a0iqxg,"[FR] When the masks fall, will you dare to see the truth?","Too long story short, I went from being the beta in the dead bedroom through MRP to going my own way. What finally opened my eyes was that it was not just that she didn't want to have sex with me (btw, I raised my SMV a lot through MRP - didn't work), *she actually didn't want to have any kind of intimacy with me*. I realised when I was hugging her, not only did she not hug me back, she *waited for it to be over*. So I asked myself, why the fuck am I doing the things that are hurting me, over and over and over again. So I stopped (I'm off the TRP/MRP script here, btw, but there is no other sub for this shit). I even told her, I was not going to do things that just hurt me and if she wanted any kind of intimacy she's welcome to go ahead. Guess what. It's been atomic winter from her side. We've fucked a couple of times (on her initiative), but no intimacy whatsoever. And that is finally making me see. She's not been ""broken"" all these years (17!). There's nothing I could have done to ""fix"" her sexuality. It's simply that she doesn't love me and she doesn't feel the need (dread) to have sex with me. She never did, she just never found a better beta bux to branch over. For me, as an emotional and honest man it's still hard to comprehend just how much of nothing there is from her side. All this times it's been me providing our relationship with intimacy, but I never saw it, because the concept of being with somebody for whom you don't care is so foreign to me as a man. I have no wish to MRP her. Honestly, MRP is putting the woman in the center of man's life. It's time for me, thank you. Sex is not worth it, and besides, fleshlight is pretty damn good, and there are legal brothels if I want the real deal. I am staying for the kids of course. My suffering is nothing compared to what my son would go through if I separated. I need to stay by his side. I'm, relieved, empty, happy and scared at the same time. I need to figure out some stuff, like how to go my own way without damaging the kids (e.g., how to go away for vacations, why mummy is not coming along...). AWALT my friends, AWALT",,10,[deleted],2018-11-26 12:01:49 marriedredpill,9zyvpk,"The Contrast, The Polarity.","It’s painfully obvious that gender relations are in peril these days. It’s a cultural problem that is getting worse. The solution is a grassroots solution executed on the individual level. The more alike men and women are, the more we lose our gender identities and the more we don't play well together. It's a simple concept really.  Be the man.  Let her be the woman.  As Rian Stone says, ""don't get in your own way. Don't step on your own dick.""  The road to execution of this simple concept is not always  clear though.  It's muddled by external conditioning of today.  ""Plugged in"" men don't even know the road is there.   I play the drums in a hobbyist band, and one of the most important elements when creating a solid groove is the contrast between sounds; the loud and soft, the bass and the snare.  The loud and even the silence.  The space between the notes means just as much as the punch of the bass drum or the cracking backbeat of the snare.  It's that complimenting dichotomy of these sounds that allows the instrument to drive a song or play a catchy solo on it's own.  One of my favorite drummers, John Bonham of Led Zeppelin, was a master at this.  Critics would always say his use of space was like no other, which he used to great effect.  Listen to the groove in “When the Levee Breaks” or “Good Times Bad Times” as a few examples. It is this dichotomy and space that makes a good groove worth listening to. Just as the masculine is lacking without the feminine, the feminine doesn't have an identity without the masculine.  This is the core of intersexual dynamics. **The more alike men and women are, the more we lose our gender identities and the more we don't play well together.** This is the problem with modern Feminism, it seeks to strip men and women of our designed gender roles.  Roles that have been programmed into us by hundreds of thousands of years of evolution.  When I refer to Feminism, I'm not referring to the core ""Civil Rights Feminism"" of the late 1800s and early 1900s; The right to vote, the right to work and be paid the same as a man for the same work.  Those were reasonable goals and have long since been achieved but Feminism presses on in a counterproductive, loud march, seeking some elusive status of ""equality"" that also seems bent on stripping men of any authority, destroying marriage and destroying the family and motherhood in the process.   Feminism of today seeks to make women more like men and turn men into more feminine versions of themselves. The result is a loss of arousal, increased conflict and the creation of men and women trying to occupy the same ""space.""  Going back to the drum analogy, when two similar tones or audio signatures exist at the same place in time, it muddles the sound.  Don't muddle the sound of your marriage or your LTR.   Be that contrast.  The more you fulfill your masculine role (and that will be different for every man), the easier you make it for her to fill her feminine role.  Dress like a man; pay attention to fit and cut.  Pay attention to colors.  There are plenty of guides and consultants in the Manosphere with good examples (Tanner Guzy, AlphaM are just a few you should check out if you're struggling in this realm).   It's ok to not be ""vulnerable"" and sensitive.  It's ok to show emotion but make it count and don't emote like a woman.  If you do, you're essentially ""occupying the same acoustic space"" as your wife, and over time she'll resent you for it.  Don't steal her emotional thunder and she won't steal your masculine energy.  If she's upset about something, then listen. Parrot back some acknowledging words, condemn the villain (or congratulate her success) in the story. Give her a hug and then go chop wood, work on your car, lift weights or something that sets you apart from her.   To bring it back to my drum analogy, many of John Bonham's fans said the notes he DIDN'T play were almost more compelling than those he did.  Remember, women talk, men do.  Don't be flapping your jaw every time some thought, feeling or annoyance pops into your head.  Women do that.  Don't steal her acoustic space.  Make your words and opinions few but powerful.  Leave some mystery to your thoughts, it's sexy, it's masculine, it allows her to be feminine.   Feed off of her feminine energy.  Compliment your wife or LTR when she gets dolled up, wears makeup, puts on the sexy shoes.  She's embracing her feminine energy.  If she's emoting and looking for your attention and she's been a good compliment to your life that week, then give her that attention (DL4).  This is how women communicate and how they seek attention and closeness.  Don't deny her that, it's equivalent to her denying sex to you.Now, don't give your attention away for free if she's not holding up her end of the relationship (which is her responsibility BTW) but don't miss opportunities to feed off and reward feminine energy.   Create the contrast. Have a Mission. Have a drive, a purpose, a mission.  This doesn't have to be some lofty career goal like running for political office or being a CEO.  It could be a hobby you want to immerse yourself in, it could be a fitness goal, it could be a financial goal.  Give your wife some framework, which you created, for her to work in and around.  Maybe your hobby is just for you... great.  Be gone more.  It builds that tension and that complimentary dichotomy between you and her.  And most importantly, you're not there, so you can't be talking too much and stepping on your own dick.  It's ok to display masculine power and strength.  Hell, it's encouraged if you are serious about creating that polarity and contrast.  Lift weights.  Aesthetic results will not come quickly or easily, but nothing that matters ever does.  What does come rushing into your body and brain almost immediately from lifting weights is the feeling of accomplishment, discomfort, endorphins and motivation.  The effects of weightlifting will begin to change your attitude, your posture and you're assertiveness almost overnight.  The physical gains come later. Show her. Pick your woman up occasionally; for fun, for connection, just because.  Trigger her biological programming which responds to things like that.  Open the pickle jar when she can't, fix something around the house.  There is ZERO excuse these days for any man to not be able to change a car tire, fix minor plumbing issues, replace appliance components or a light fixture.  Youtube makes this so easy.   Create that contrast, be the man, and she will respond in kind with feminine energy.  It may take months or even years for some, but you'll be a better, more capable man either way.I remember a time when I encouraged my wife to not wear makeup, to not dress up like a real woman. This was partly because I do find her attractive ""as is"" but it was also because I was "" plugged in"" as a blue-pill beta. Even as I said stuff like that, my subconscious screamed at me that something wasn't right. I didn't listen... for years. That's how powerful the blue- pill conditioning is. Now I show and tell her when she looks sexy. I reward it. Because I appreciate it. Ignore the radical feminists and their ""allies.""  Embrace masculinity... be the masculine so she can be the feminine.",,98,JDRoedell,2018-11-24 14:31:15 marriedredpill,9zu0o7,The Myth of Sexual Peak,"Essay: https://therationalmale.com/2018/11/23/the-myth-of-sexual-peak/ Excerpt: When I first published my now infamous SMV Graph in 2012 I took a lot of heat for allegedly not being thorough enough in my estimation process. Honesty and hindsight, I was a lot more intuitive than informational then, but I knew I had it right; at least from the visceral physicality of it from an evolutionary perspective. Since 2012, I’ve had study after study and correlation after correlation sent to me by readers, or simply fall into my lap, that corroborated the bell graphs, time lines and circumstances I had a basic inkling of. While I think that women peaking at 18 and men peaking at 50, as per this study, might be somewhat exaggerated for outrageousness, it still, once again, confirms the basic form I set out in my original graph. One issue I think Bob didn’t touch upon is the evolutionary logistics of why this myth is timed conveniently at the stage in life that women’s sexual market value (SMV) is in decline. He’s correct about about older women wanting to compete with younger women, but there’s a hindbrain understanding that women’s only real agency in this life is their sexuality. The Myth of Sexual Peak is a tool in this competition, but it is squarely directed at shaming men for their evolved preference for youth and fertility in women. In a raw, evolutionary reality, men only really need women to reproduce, thus, the most desirable age for this in women stays relatively the same. Conversely, women need men with different qualities for different, and opportunistic, reasons at various stages of their lives and how their necessity dictates. Thus, women can find men desirable to fulfill those purposes at ages from 15-50. And before you give me a ration of shit about including 15 year old boys in that mix I’ll point you to the rash of mid twenties female teachers on trial for banging their high school students. All women (yes, all) have an innate understanding of their sexual agency, and all understand its perishable nature. However, there’s a trade-off inherent in balancing this agency with optimizing Hypergamy. The longer a woman waits the more that agency declines, but the longer she has to consolidate on a man (or men) who represents her Hypergamous ideal. The reason the social convention of women’s “sexual peak” is set at the age of 30-35 is because it attempts to create an artificial sexual value for men. It pretends that their later age makes them better sexual experiences than women 22-24 years old. It’s a disqualification of those women for men’s long term provisioning considerations, but it also plays on male-shame while simultaneously (artificially) inflating women’s self-image. This is why the myth is so pervasive – it satisfies a lot of insecurities. It’s ’empowering’ for women to believe that men are too infantile to appreciate the better sexual experience they believe they represent. Furthermore, it’s difficult to argue against because it seems plausible and it’s almost entirely based on how women feel about themselves sexually. What a tragic joke that evolution should make women’s sexual peak occur when she least able to make it work for her, right? Wrong. In fact it’s comical when you see how a study that finds women’s peak age of desirability is 18 and mens should be 50 – almost the inverse of what the myth wants us to believe; that 18 year old men and 30 year old women are at their sexual peaks.",,37,Rollo-Tomassi,2018-11-24 01:08:25 marriedredpill,9z5ohg,[FR] I got 99 problems but I made year-one.,"TLDR -I was pathetic and have made some solid progress to becoming less so. Many miles to go. Realized that Sunday was my one-year redpill anniversary. Here's where I was and how far I've come. This is mostly a journaling exercise for myself, but comments are welcome, even if it's just to call me a faggot. Not looking for your validation, just putting this out there for me and for the odd newb that wonders what the progression might look like. A year ago, I was an exhausted 40 years old, 189 lbs, 25%+ skinnyfat, didn't lift, 17 years married career beta who had sprinkled just enough fakey Alpha on myself at times to marry a fairly attractive woman and build a somewhat successful career. My wife had had an emotional affair (possibly physical and potentially more, can never know) 2 years into our marriage that still grated on me 15 years later, even though like a beta chump I stuck around and had 4 kids with her. Bedroom was mostly dead, with duty sex every 2 weeks or so, and anything hotter than that (when I managed some clumsy DEVI), left her in religious guilt that kept me from getting laid for 3 weeks. My run at self-employment had ended due to my poor planning and living in my wife's frame on everything I did, and I had taken a job with a local tech company. Gave me lots of time to read and absorb this stuff. Finances were fucked and it’s an ongoing process to fix them. I am the most broke guy with an 800 credit score I know. Wife ran all money our entire marriage and it was automatic deposit in - automatic bill pay out. I never had cash in my wallet and had to ask and feel guilty for buying a coke. Wife bought all my clothes and bought herself anything she wanted. She bought me what she wanted me to have for birthdays Christmas etc. and her own presents too. I managed to hide cash occasionally or sell off stuff to buy things for myself and felt guilty every time I did. I carried around endless guilt, covert contracts, anger and resentment and believed that the key to happiness was increased self-sacrifice. What I did and where it got me: 1) Lift - started with 5x5 and the fucking bar. now I am 175 pounds, 12% bodyfat, visible abs, suntanned. 3 rep max - Bench 220, OHP 130, Deadlift 300, Squat 260. Tore my rotator cuff last week so Bench and OHP are off the table for a bit while I try to heal it without surgery. I am not jacked by any means, but for a 41-year-old natural and hard gainer with no weightlifting background I look good in clothes, look good out of clothes, feel a ton better about myself and my abilities etc. Lifting is the foundation. If you are not willing to fight this battle in the gym just quit now. NOTHING is better for frame. I get constant IOIs from women now and am better at passing shit tests, better at work and better at life thanks to lifting. 2) read and re-read the damn sidebar. it's all there. The next step for me in internalizing and growth is to do more writing. Learn by teaching it so to speak. As many know I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormon) and there are a ton of us on here. The Church has a strong doctrinal foundation compatible with Redpill but like all of Christianity has been infiltrated by blue pill feminists and allowed Beta plowhorses to thrive and be lauded for their self-sacrifice. Many men in the Church need the redpill desperately but choke on the amoral lack of righteous prescription and the upfront brutal realities of human nature. Working on writings to soften the blow with an easy-to-swallow coating, while not watering it down or making it purple pill, (i.e. saying fuck without saying fuck) 3) Took back control of my finances last December. This was our first major fight as I went Rambo to fix everything at once. But I actually kicked ass on this shit test, held frame and simply opened my own account, switched automatic deposit and set a new paradigm. Skills were rusty at first but I’m making progress. We are still in a shitty place overall, and it’s my fault for allowing it. I was laid off in April from the tech job but landed a new job within a week. As usual its commission, but it’s what I have done for 15 years and I have it up and running now and more than covering expenses, slowly paying down debts. Doing things for myself when finances permit and when I feel like it. Buying my own clothes and my wardrobe now inspires dread and attraction. Wife still managed to fuck up her personal finances last week and I took the opportunity to set a plan of action, remind myself that she is only a semi-responsible teenager and lead. 2018 has been a cast-iron bitch; with major medical issues for wife and son, the layoff, wife totaled her car, a significant house repair issue, wife lost the diamond from her wedding ring, my favorite grandmother passing away, Rambo radical life changes, and now my torn rotator but I soldier on. I list these things not to complain but to remind myself of all the ass-kicking I have done this year in handling and owning my shit. Beta me would have been complaining to my wife constantly and being unattractive, or depressed and giving up like I was a year and a half ago when closing my business down. Relationship: We have had a couple opening salvos toward a main event, I went Rambo and still harbor too much anger, but I have been passing shit tests and handling things. I AA, fog and am cocky/funny. I can see the sparkle of attraction and admiration in her eyes even as she calls me an asshole. Learning from each experience how to better lead and pour her into my frame and my mission. I am fun, I lead, and I make plans. I still fuck up all the time, but I have momentum. Hell, I actually have the beginnings of a mission for myself -finding that lack of mission was my single biggest depressing factor my entire life. Wife and kids are invited to come along on the awesome journey. Sex has improved tenfold in quality and quantity has gone up to 4-5 times/week. I lead in the bedroom. No more guilt or “I need to feel loved to want sex” arguments from the wife. I game her constantly and operate with outcome independence and abundance mentality. Dread level is 6-7 and I really don’t see the need to go higher right now. I am witty and social again and maintain plausible deniability while being flirty and CHOOSING to remain faithful. (I would divorce her cleanly before I will cheat) Red pill has affected everything in my life by giving me back freedom of choice. I choose to remain faithful, not because I have no options or because my religion says so. I choose my religious belief system rather than letting the local culture or her choose it for me. My relationship with God is better because I CHOOSE to operate within it and pursue it my way. Questioning all my beliefs has made me so much stronger in what I choose to believe and do. Abundance mentality, dread and outcome independence are so effective not only in my relationship but in my commission sales job that I am having breakthroughs and growth I hadn’t achieved in a decade. I am on the endless journey to becoming the man I am supposed to be. . I am nowhere near to arriving, and there is nowhere to arrive to. There is no damn spoon. Shit, my 3 daughters are going to be teenagers starting in a couple of years and I have a LOT to do. I appreciate the posters here who have kicked my ass when needed and helped me figure some of this shit out along the way. I can’t wait to see what new shit I am going to have to learn in year two. I appreciate u/red-sfpplus for keeping my eyes wide and painfully open to Mormon AWALT. I appreciate u/Rian_Stone for taking my original pathetic IM a year ago and being hard enough on me to wake me up and patient enough with me to keep messaging when I thought I had to be a posturing hard guy and told him to fuck off. It may yet all go to shit, but I don’t care anymore about the risks. I am finally starting to live my own life. ",,75,alphasixfour,2018-11-21 18:10:31 marriedredpill,9z1tku,"Everything is about sex, except sex. Sex is about power.","That great quote from Frank Underwood. He's getting shit done, leading, being Machiavellan, he knows what makes people tick, how to make them do what he wants. And that quote sounds so right. ""Everything is about sex, except sex. Sex is about power."" But it's 100% beta. It's a great description of the beta's sexual strategy. A thirsty chump who works his ass off trying to impress the girls so they'll fuck him. Everything he does is about getting laid, and when he gets laid it has nothing to do with the girl just wanting to fuck. What she really wants from him is something else. Rollo once wrote a great piece on being alpha https://therationalmale.com/2011/10/20/alpha/ including the news segment on Corey Worthington - a man who most of us would instinctively class as a loser, but who displays extreme degrees of alphaness. It's a great article because it illustrates how far the typical man's idea of a ""real man"" is from being alpha. Frank Underwood is the other side of that coin. The guy has dodgy morals to say the least, but his leadership and power plays, that's impressive. He's a real man, right? Maybe, but like a lot of great leaders he's a fucking beta. He brings A LOT of beta to the table, but in the end he's playing beta game. Maybe there's some alpha in him, I can't remember everything from the show and it's not that relevant anyway - it's fiction, not reality. The interesting thing about Underwood is how many men find him fascinating and how easy it is to mistake that for being alpha. The stuff about Underwood that impresses, that's beta. Power, influence, money, leadership, it's not alpha. Look at Corey from Rollo's article to see what alpha is. The typical male ideal of a real man is a lot of Underwood and very little Corey - it's a lot of beta and very little alpha. If your problem is a dead bedroom, you lack alpha and trying to be that sort of ""real man"" won't solve your problem. We're fascinated by power, but sex isn't about power. To an alpha, nothing is about sex, except sex. Fill the rest of your life up with whatever you want. Some alphas are losers; lazy fucks, gamers, minimum wage personal trainers, lowlife drug dealers. Some alphas make the most out of their lives and work hard and lead. They do it because they like it, or like the fruits of it - they don't do it for sex. Sex is easy, because girls want to have sex with alphas, losers of winners. You don't have to promise them juicy news stories or a mansion when you're alpha. As much as beta game doesn't make girls wet, remember that girls do have a dual sexual strategy. Sure she's attracted to alpha, but she also wants beta, especially for anything long term and involving a family. Here at MRP we're about bringing both. There are good beta qualities, stuff that we strongly identify with as men and that women seek in partners. But if you lack alpha, you can't compensate with beta. If your wife doesn't want to fuck you, the solution isn't to bring more money, more leadership, more Frank Underwood. The solution is more Corey Worthington.",,71,Sepean,2018-11-21 09:42:37 marriedredpill,9yy82g,3-2-1. Counting. Success or Failure?,"God damn, god damn, god damn. That's from a movie. I forget which one, but it's apropos. In three months, three mother-fucking-months, I get the news… the news I've been anticipating… the news I've been expecting… the news I am willing into existence… the news I have been waiting for with baited breath… the news that few other than [rulezerodad](https://www.reddit.com/user/RuleZeroDAD) can appreciate: the news that I am cured. 8 mother-fucking years of hell. 8, mother-fucker, 8. 2 god-damn-mother-fucking years of something-worse-than-hell. 2 worse than hell. Fuck. That. And the news may/might/could (1) come to be, (2) bear fruit, (3) be my new reality, (4) change my life yet again, this time for the better… or it (5) may suck. I choose to believe… to know… to feel in every atom of every cell of my body that it will be good. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. It's intense but it's my reality. Just like you have your own reality. And your reality is not - not - always good. I know you all [don't care](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/9xpq9g/the_mods_dont_care_about_you/), but I care. * My kids care. * My wife cares. * My family cares. My employees - numbering a lot - well - the overwhelming majority care only so far as it relates to their own paychecks and nothing more. A handful might actually care. * But jesus, dudes, and very important: I care. I check in every six months or so to provide a progress report. Not to those (cool) dudes I've been hanging with here for three years or so (and there are a lot), but, instead, to the new dudes, the dudes who are (1) lost, the dudes who are (2) bumming, the new dudes who are (3) flailing and don't know what to do. ------------- I, weirdly, do kinda care. ------------- Lately the new dudes here seem like first-class homos… but I won't let that get me down. I don't want to digress. To the rest of you… know this: I stumbled upon this dumbass place not understanding why my wife was seemingly disinterested, not understanding why my money didn't buy me happiness, not understanding why my marriage, well, sucked. Why? Why? Why? Lots of dudes, two in particular - [stoney](https://www.reddit.com/user/Rian_Stone) and [steel](https://www.reddit.com/user/SteelSharpensSteel) - but don't let me get sentimental and gay - they helped me see the error of my ways and helped me stop acting like a helpless fucking victim - there are plenty of those in the world by the way, hence why your shtick doesn't work here - and instead, why it forces you to act like a man - a man on a mission - a mission of god (per blues brothers not bible) - a mission that was my mission - my family's mission - and, whether she likes it or fucking not, my wife's mission. * God damn. * God damn. * God damn. Jesus, bros. Your problems are probably - in terms of probability - much, much less challenging than my own. After all, I can't very well get my wife to blow me better or give me a rim job if I'm dead. Yet I've gotten through it. Butch up faggots - and heroin addicts alike - of which there are quite a few of late - and especially fairies-feeling-neglected by the RP quarantine - butch the fuck up... Keep it in perspective and know this: * I now have a six-pack. Thanks MRP. * I now know stoicism. Thanks MRP. * I now have (great) sex. Even (better) sex. Actually, (amazing) sex with my wife. * This same wife - who never blew me (if you're in need of details) - now seeks me out to blow me often. Results, mother-fuckers, results. --------------- Perhaps more importantly, I can now deal with crazy, crazy circumstances that are about as insane and awful as they get. And I can survive. And I can thrive. And I can win, mother-fuckers, I can win. I will win. And so, too, will you. ",,49,johneyapocalypse,2018-11-21 00:43:46 marriedredpill,9yw1ob,My First Year.,"This should probably go on the OYS thread but I want this here for me to read months from now when I’m in a slump or things might not be going as well. Instead of it getting buried in the comments I will continue to post and update on the OYS as I go. **background** Wanted to start by saying I was in a 5 year relationship. It was toxic. She did everything for me and I took advantage and became lazy as fuck. She always wanted to be with me. I didn’t want to be with her but I liked the value she offered so I stuck around. I cheated. I lied. I did heroin. I lied some more. It was just how I thought relationships “should be” I read the red pill and been a part of this community for years. Being single I was good at. Being in a relationship, I was not. We lived together, the trust was so far from gone I had ruined it all with my constant relapses and drug abuse. Cheating and lying. It was too far gone. So finally I grew some balls and I kicked her out for good this time (after leaving and coming back 5 times prior to). After that time I read MAP. I put it into affect and stepped my life the FUCK UP on turbo mode. I started with making a list of chores and tasks I needed to get done everyday. I deleted all my social media’s and wouldn’t take my boots off from work until I was done and ready to go to the gym. I kicked my heroin addiction and haven’t even thought about it since. (After years of relapses and abuse) **Where am I now** I have a new relationship and this time not only did I make sure I did it right. Holy fuck. I have never been in a relationship like this. The fact that she is “red pill woman” or very respective to red pill concepts or submissive. Whatever you want to call it. Makes things so much better. I lead. She follows. She trust me with every decision. And I make them all. As I grow. I own my shit. I get hair done. She will get motivation off my actions. She supports everything I do. I mix both alpha and beta traits. I’d say 60/40. I created boundaries right off the bat. I laid out my goals and told her I’d like her on board but I’m doing this regardless. She is not only more than willing to follow. She tells me almost everyday she’s never been with a guy who does this shit. That I make it so easy. Anyway **My mission** This is what really nailed everything into place and got the fire in me going. I found my mission. After years of not having one or making on up. I found it. After getting sober. Things started to change for me. I got an opportunity to go to school for HVAC. Paid for. From a guy I always wanted to work for who was paying me a shit load of money to work for him as I went to school. I will save the story but I didn’t jump right away out of fear. I had somethings going on with my current boss that made me afraid to leave the company I was working for. I finally said fuck living in fear and I made the leap. Best choice of my life. I laid out all my goals. Daily. Short. Mid term. Long term. And I check them everyday. And try to do at least one thing on it. (Except my daily. I do them all) Let me elaborate. My mission has always been to start my own business. I got into hvac and love the fucking trades so much. I work on Saturdays just because I like it so much. My goal is to finish school. Coming out I will become the lead HVAC head for the current company I work for. Long time I will branch off and do my own thing with hvac. I also want to own property. I will create a financial plan to start saving for my first house. Then eventually want to start flipping houses with my contracting knowledge. Along with a savings account for long term. I want to be a father very badly one day. I have always wanted kids and will one day have my own when I feel the times right I want to travel I will be planning a trip for this coming summer. I want to start ju jistu I have a free month membership I’m going to begin to use after my move. And Stay sober of course. I will be posting on OYS of the wrongs. And things I need and want to fix along my journey **finances** This has been up until this point my weakest area. I caused my self so much debt because of my addiction. Credit card debt. Loans. Owing people money. Bills. Etc Now I am in a position to fix this. My new job has almost tripled my yearly income. Along with this. I am moving into a buddies house next month. It will cut my rent in half. This is by far the most unideal situation for me. I hate living with other people but if I want to reach my financial goals this is the best and fastest way to do it. 1. So one goal I have for this coming month is to move in there and create a financial budget plan to get my debt in order and save money **fitness** I work 6 days a work anywhere from 10-12 hours a day. I get home at about 7pm and any other year in my life I would come home and go on Facebook. Lay around and do nothing. Not anymore. I come home. I eat and I go right to the gym even if I don’t want to. Then I come home and crush the other stuff on my list. I’ve realized anyone who says “I’m too busy to do X” is just full of fucking excuses. Or their time Management sucks. But it’s usually just laziness and excuses. I take testosterone cut back on the tren . So I am already jacked. I’m usually the most jacked guy in the gym if not I’m close to it. **game** Game has always been my strongest point my whole life. I got the looks. I got the muscle. I got the tattoos. I got the confidence. I got it. I’ve laid in the triple digit N count. But with this new goal/mission oriented life style I am not around women often. I work in a trade with all men. Long hours. And then go about my routine after. Only female contact I get is with my woman and sights at the gym. I still make it a point to talk to everyone when I’m around people but I have less change to flirt with woman like I used to to keep my game tip top. So I flirt with my girl. A lot. **I wanted to ask some of you. How do you keep your game tip top if you’re in a similar situation? Not around women often bc of work and other things? Just the wife??** She fucks and sucks me so much my dick hurts after I’m with her for a couple days. She’s so into me it’s crazy. The MAP really does work. I know it’s fresh still but this is the relationship that I want and always wanted. Let’s hope it continues. **mind/mental** I read everyday. I’m reading MMSLP now. And going to dig into some finance books after. I try tomorrow Meditate everyday for at least 10 mins. I also will take time to myself to really see my goals. My mission. Where I want to go and think things through. I will think about decisions I have made. Or need to make. And break them down to assume I’m doing what’s in line with what I want. **value** I’m trying to give value to everyone. Whether it’s positive energy. Honest advice. Motivation. Leadership. Etc. I’m trying to spread positive energy and stop complaining about the negative shit. Along with cutting it out of my life. This is by far the best spot I have ever been in my entire life mentally. Drug free. I have a high that I have never had before from any drug and it’s fueled by my vision and mission. I feel unstoppable. I really do. I am working hard at everything I do. Everything. **my current relationship** I lead. She follows. Everything, down to the little shit I do in everyday life. It’s kind of cool to me. I plan shit for us. I fix things when they need to be fixed. I have a goal and I crush it. I make the decisions. With all that she has started to set her own goals. And find motivation through me. I never knew a relationship could be like this. So for now I’m just going to enjoy the ride and as long as I’m happy and she keeps supporting and growing with me. I’m good. It’s funny how much this shit works not only is she blown away by how I run things. She will tell me. You’re everything I didn’t know I wanted. It goes to show me. Most men aren’t doing this shit we preach here. They aren’t going to the fullest. They aren’t leading. They’re lazy. **the good** I changed everything to get here. My job. My relationship. My living situation. My focus. My environment. My habits. **the bad/needs work** My finances. My wardrobe could use a bit of an update. I dress nice but as I grow my clothes have gotten smaller. I could use a whole new wardrobe update as my finances grow. STFU. My current relationship is honestly as good as it can get but I do realize I talk too much whether it’s about my feelings. My goals. Making sure she knows I’m not afraid to leave. My accomplishments. I get excited and I talk. I’ll going to try to stfu more and let things just happen. **Thank You** I been on this sub reading and putting things to action but I haven’t posted much on the married red pill as oppose to the main sub. Without this knowledge and guidance this life wouldn’t be possible for me. I wouldn’t even know this life could exist for me. A year ago I was relapsing from drugs. Lost on the verge of dying or overdosing. Thank you all. Edit: added my mission ",,35,TrenGod37,2018-11-20 20:35:06 marriedredpill,9yqa1j,"Own Your Shit Weekly - November 20, 2018","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit. ",,17,AutoModerator,2018-11-20 08:24:27 marriedredpill,9xte2h,Status Quo,"Status quo: noun: the existing state of affairs, especially regarding social or political issues. Status quo is the greatest bias of the court. Status quo is why your wife will not suck your dick, or swallow your come. Status quo is why you work the same job, praying for a 3% pay raise to offset 6% inflation. Status quo is why you get laid 2 times a month if you are lucky. Status quo is why you are fat, cant lift heavy shit and why you cant close at least one woman within 7 days. Status quo is what is keeping you from becoming a high value man. If you want to get ahead, you have to tell status quo to fuck off. You have to be willing to change. You have to put in the work, and you have to grind it out. Rent is due every single day. People are lazy. Status quo is the byproduct of people being lazy. Status quo is the worst fucking thing there is if you want to become a better person. Breaking status quo will test your resolve. It will test your frame. Your confidence. Your backbone. It will point out every single area where you are weak, where you need to improve. Status quo wants to steal your dreams. It wants to keep you, exactly where you are. In a sad, miserable life getting pity starfish sex from your fat harpy wife on birthdays, valentines day and anniversaries while you are working at an underpaid job that will replace you two weeks after you drop fucking dead from a heart attack. Status quo will scare you into compliance. It will tell you things to manipulate you into not making the change you want to. It will give you doubt. It will tell you that you will fail. It will tell you that you shouldn’t do something, because it is not what society demands from its subjects. Status quo will fuck with your brain. It will tell you things like ""not all change is positive."" You know what? Fuck that and fuck you. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't, but anything is better than status quo. Even if the change is bad, you know what you fucker? I can learn and then change again! So fuck off status quo. I would rather change, fail and learn than hang out with you. Your wife LOVES status quo. Why do you think she loves it so much? Because it is far easier for a woman to hang out with status quo, than a high value man who is always on the move, changing, growing and as a result - she has to keep up. Sure, there are high value women who hate status quo as much as I do, but lets face it - most of y'all are faggots who hang out with status quo. If you are not willing to give status quo a big middle finger while you grab your balls and yell ""fuck off,"" then you will never grow. You will never excel, and you will be just like every other plugged in faggot there is. The will to act. It is the single biggest threat to status quo there is. All your training, all your reading, this sub, the MODS, loud mouth offensive fucks like me, legends like EAB, UCAD, Jack10. None of it matters to someone who loves to party with status quo. I have put a name to your primary enemy you faggot. His name is Status Quo. Tell him to fuck off and go build the man you want to be. The will to act.",,80,red-sfpplus,2018-11-17 04:07:54 marriedredpill,9xpq9g,The Mods don't care about you,"I think I speak for the whole mod team when I say: we care about you so much that *we don't care about you at all*. Huh? We obviously care about all of you, in some distant abstract way, or we wouldn't post to this sub, and we certainly wouldn't moderate it. We care enough to read your problems and comment on them, to call you a faggot when you are one, and to provide a set of tools for your success. We take pride in good field reports where guys have put the pieces together and rebuilt themselves. What we don't care about is your goddamn opinion. We don't care that you're butthurt. We don't care that you're angry. We don't care about your objections to RP, your morals, your *feelz*. Our caring is an *overt* contract: we care enough to give you this sub. We don't owe you an explanation if we ban you, we don't owe you an apology if we decide to unban you. Does that make us dicks? Maybe. One thing it does do is keep this sub tight and useful. So if you don't like it, you have two options: hit the unsub button and piss off, or mouth off and get banned. As always, the choice is yours.",,50,SorcererKing,2018-11-16 20:13:02 marriedredpill,9xlt7s,Two years and counting,"I am a little over two years into my Red Pill journey and I feel like it's time to take stock. I think the Red Pill main sub quarantine has made my old account unusable for mobile, so I created a new one. But I guess creating a new identity for yourself every now and then is just a good thing. I'm 47, married, wife 43, three kids 14, 13 and 6. (BTW, even though my English is pretty good, it is not my first language. There may be some weird phrases here and there, so bear with me.) Over the past two years, I have made a lot of progress in many areas in my life. I have read the sidebar, some books several times. I have also read plenty of other books on PUA, Stoicism, personal finance etc. For me, finding Audible was a game-changer. I highly recommend it. In general, I understand most of the central RP concepts and I can apply them relatively well to my own life. I am lifting three times a week. In the summer, I went to the gym even more than that, up to six times a week, but during the busy working months three per week is the most I can do. (I also notice that 5 or 6 times a week is too much for me in terms of recovery). I'm not the most jacked guy but I'm doing good. I found a good PT, and now I work with him once a month, currently on my squat and deadlift technique (lots of back problems and small injuries in the past). During the Christmas time last year, I understood I was building muscle but I still didn't look the way I wanted. Since the new year, I have become increasingly conscious about my diet. I dropped all sugar and decreased my overall carb intake. Since the summer, I have dropped most alcohol, now drinking only on occasional social events. Since the new year, I have lost 10 kg (that's 22 lb. for you Americans) and I was never that fat to start with. The veins are starting to pop as I am now approaching the low two-digit body fat. People are noticing. An important part of my RP progress has been Buddhist meditation. I used to do it in my youth but then had a long, long break. Right after encountering Red Pill, I decided I needed to start doing it again. I am now meditating pretty much daily. In the summer, I attended a ten-day meditation retreat, something that I am going to make an annual tradition of. I think the most important thing meditation has brought me is a kind of a confidence in myself or a relaxation into being myself. This is something I have very much struggled in the past. A rewarding single event for me was this year's summer holiday. I took my family to a slightly unusual foreign country for a total of 16 days. I initiated the whole thing and took care of most of the details, but I also sought input from my wife on some things. As an example, I let my wife and the eldest kid choose one of the accommodations from a few options on Airbnb pre-selected by me. Overall, the holiday was a perfect combination of luxury and adventure and the kids still talk about it pretty much every week. I have now started to plan the next summer's holiday, this time to a more urban environment, just to change things up a bit. The things mentioned above are the good things. Things I have made considerable progress on. What are the not-so-good things or the things I still need to change? I still constantly compare myself to other men. In a way, it is not always necessarily a bad thing to be inspired by others or to learn from others' example. But I feel I often do this comparing in an unhealthy way. Even on this board, I feel that other men come here after me and in less than a year they are already banging their now suddenly hot and willing wife in the ass or, alternatively, their hot new girlfriend or, alternatively, both, while also attending powerlifting competitions over the weekends. I do realize this is not the whole truth, just a perception. And even if it were true, it is not my life nor is other men's success in any way my loss. I know I should rejoice in others' successes and sometimes I even manage to do so. But somehow it often also exposes this nagging feeling inside me of inferiority and not being enough. Another challenge is that I am not a particularly fun guy at home. I often take things oh so seriously. It is kind of weird, since I can be fun with my friends and my colleagues and also goof around with my six-year old daughter. But something in my own approach to my home life and my marriage often drags me down. I really should lighten up and do more fun things by myself and with others. Financially, I'm nowhere near where I would like to be. I feel somewhat stuck in my main profession. There are little opportunities for promotion or progress and I feel my heart is not in it anymore. I have managed to increase my yearly income a lot, but this is because of a couple of side hustles I am able to do. This, in turn, means that I often work long hours and on weekends. I'm kind of OK doing this, but at the moment I feel I don't have clear goals or a sense of going forward. And even more so, I don't have that much to show for all my efforts. What comes in, goes out, pretty much immediately. I come from a childhood of financial struggles and somehow, I have not been able to rise above it. Even though I make a decent income, I still live pretty much hand-to-mouth. I have managed to transform my money into meaningful experiences, such as the summer holiday and the retreat mentioned above or the cool car I just bought. What I haven't done is transform money into security and a long-term vision. Also here, I feel that a lack of direction is a key factor. I kind of know what I'm supposed to do but I'm not doing it fully. And then there's the sex. Things are much, much better than what they were a couple of years ago. I'm more relaxed in bed. If I want to fuck, I'll do it. Porn and masturbation are non-issues. But somehow, also here, I feel a bit stuck. Currently, it is actually my wife, who does most of the initiating. She does like sex and sees its importance in our relationship and I have also managed to create some dread. However, she is also very vanilla and sensitive. And I'm a bit bored. I do fully know that it is my responsibility to change the situation and go for what I want. But, for the time being, it is not happening. From what I have written above, I can see a pattern. All the things that mainly involve myself alone, are going well: the reading, the gym, the diet, other healthy habits, the meditation, the extra gigs I do to make extra money and so on. The ones that involve other people, like my main job, finances, sex, interacting with the family, I am somewhat struggling with or unable to reach for what I want. Or maybe even more so, that I have trouble even recognizing what it is that I want. One of the most significant reads for me lately here on the forums has been [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/9r37lx/i_like_my_wife_less_the_more_i_eliminate/) by /u/skidsm where he writes how his life used to completely revolve around his wife and her swinging moods. My marriage is clearly not at all as extreme as what he describes, but, as a child of a narcissistic mother and an alcoholic father, my childhood sure was. I think I have built my whole existence and especially my personal relationships with others on being very clever in recognizing other people's needs and wants and then finding ways to fulfil them, sometimes even before they are aware of them themselves. I am not referring to my childhood in order to blame others. Nor do I particularly want to keep dwelling in the past. But I do need to understand what has made me what I am in order to become what I want to be, whatever that is. Another post in a way discussing the same theme was [the recent post](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/9wwkjr/male_authority_be_a_man/) by Rollo, although he takes a more societal perspective on this. Here's a quote from his post: ""Red Pill thought emphasizes men disconnecting their sense of identity from a female-correct paradigm. In my own work I’ve stressed that the most important aspect of Red Pill awareness is men making themselves their Mental Point of Origin and this necessitates a realigning of oneself as his first priority. It’s easy to make declarations about how your self-worth begins and ends with you and that no woman can influence that image, and in a way that seems liberating. Like you’re taking at least that much authority back for yourself. But it’s another thing entirely to wrestle with a social order that’s now founded on a consolidated female-primary authority."" Over the past two years, I have become considerably more conscious of my own wants. I am taking time for myself to go to the gym and to do other things I like. In everyday situations, I can quite well pass shit tests and say either ""no"" or simply shrug away silly demands made upon me. I can do these things. But I also feel that I am still miles away from really, really recognizing and embracing my true wants, when they involve other people, when there are really things at stake. If someone were to ask me now ""what do you want?"", with some consideration I would probably be able to come up with a pretty good answer, including various short-term and long-term goals. However, I feel that this answer would ultimately be a kind of a hoax: a well-formed conceptualization of things I feel are expected of me, are practical and sensible, are socially accepted. One reason for my, in my own view, somewhat slow RP progress has also been the fact that things were actually pretty decent when I started. My bedroom was never dead, just a bit docile. My wife is not perfect but she was never a fat harpy cunt, either. I was certainly not alpha but I was never a total beta pushover either. I was not super fit but I have always been relatively slim and good-looking. I was no Chad but I have always been somewhat attractive to women. In a way, over the past two years I have now kind of maxed out most these characteristics in me. And life is OK. It's not perfect nor awesome but I am content in many ways. I was talking to a good friend of mine recently and he said that most men he knows are a mess while I'm the most balanced and healthy person he knows. So, I am kind of balancing between accepting things as they are, with their small imperfections, and going for what is truly possible for me. Perhaps you could say that I have now perfected the process of alpha-sprinkling. But have I really swallowed the pill? Probably not. If I want more, I need to do more. And ""more"" here certainly doesn't mean ""more of the same."" It means something that will help or even force me embrace my full power and capacity. What would it be? Getting a divorce? Getting a plate? Changing professions? Aiming for the powerlifting competition? Don't know yet. But I will find out at some point. &#x200B;",,50,HerukaArisen,2018-11-16 12:39:22 marriedredpill,9wwkjr,"Male Authority – Be a ""Man""","Essay: https://therationalmale.com/2018/11/13/male-authority-be-a-man/ Excerpt: How women and a feminine-primary social order control men by reserving the title of “manhood” for men who comply with female primacy. In the Manosphere we often discuss the dynamic of men holding the burden of 100% responsibility yet are conferred 0% authority when it comes to intersexual relationships. This didn’t used to be the case. There was a kind of default authority imbued in men that was part of simply being a male under the old social contract. A lot of western societies still presumes this is the case in fact. It’s one reason popular culture presumes such a thing as ‘male privilege‘ exists today. They may even have a case with respect to the Old Set of Books; being a “man” inferred that a male had some degree of power, authority and decision making capacity over the course his life would take, as well as the lives of any women or children or extended family members who were dependent upon him being a “man”. Responsibility is what defines men to this day, but the utility in this being hammered home into the psyches of men has become something the Feminine Imperative has found very useful in consolidating power in the hands of women. We’re ceaselessly told that responsibility is something men need to assume, but under the old set of books the incentive for a man assuming that responsibility came with a commensurate portion of authority (power). That was what used to earn a man the title of “manhood”; men were expected to possess the competency to produce surplus resources, enough to ensure the security and survival of his immediate and extended family, and then his tribe, his clan, his nation, etc. We still call this “being a productive member of society”, but now the incentives of a default authority that made assuming that responsibility a reasonable exchange have been stripped away along with all the grounding that a family name or tribal identity used to mean to men. In their place is all the same expectation of responsibility, but not even the pretense of male authority that stems from it.",,55,Rollo-Tomassi,2018-11-14 04:03:55 marriedredpill,9wt3f2,[FR] The Bride of Bigfoot,"So I have listened to Rollo and the RMG podcast and a couple times I have heard Rollo talk about Bigfoot erotica in reference to how women want a story, they want imagination and a dominant man even if its Bigfoot and thought how absolutely ridiculous it sounded. So one night I am in bed and ask my wife have you ever heard of this shit before. She laughed her ass off and said, ""no is it a thing??!!"" I said yeah apparently. So we laid in bed and proceeded to look up titles to these books and laughed our asses off for over an hour. Over the course of the week it became an inside joke to us. I would use the titles of the books to flirt with her and keep things sexual even though it was totally ridiculous. She loved it and still does a couple weeks later. She started calling me Bigfoot as a joke and I will pound my chest and grunt at her to bend over. She always complies. One of the titles of the books is ""Bigfoot and the Bride"" or some shit like that. I will come up with ridiculous stories about how she is my bride and is lost in the woods etc. and she laughs her ass off and says I am ridiculous. Heres the thing though. When I use them to initiate as a joke it makes sex fun and shows I can use my imagination to take her to another place even if it is an absolute ridiculous place. I mean fuck man look how popular Twilight was!! The thing is my wife isnt like this. She hates Twilight, romance novels, 50 Shades of Gray etc. ...until she doesnt. She just wants to be taken somewhere else to let her imagination go and have fun. So the take away here is have fun, use your imagination and own it. Even if it is ridiculous. ",,48,RPWolf,2018-11-13 21:03:00 marriedredpill,9wn9mr,"Own Your Shit Weekly - November 13, 2018","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit. ",,21,AutoModerator,2018-11-13 08:24:27 marriedredpill,9vb5jw,[FR] - Wedding Ring,"Shelly has spent the last two days hanging out with my at my house. Her husband is out of town for 10 days, so she dumped her kid with her parents and my STBX wife had mine. We planned this out a few weeks ago. 48 hour fuck fest. She showed up Tuesday morning around 8:00am looking great, decked the 9's in all her fancy clothes that her cuck husband buys her. At some point in the day we are in the bedroom and we are getting ready to rock and roll. She takes off her jewelry and puts it on the nightstand, sans her wedding ring. Standing there I say: ""Funny you take everything off but your wedding band. I like that."" She then says something to the effect of: ""I never wear this ring. This is the one with my diamond, and I fucking hate wearing it. I hate looking at it as it reminds me of the shitty man I am married to. I wore it over to fantasize that it is our ring, one you gave me, that I am yours and that makes me fucking hot."" I just kind of shook my head with an evil grin and said something like: ""I love that you are such a freak"" as I pick her up and toss her on the bed. Yesterday morning I was on conference calls working in my office and she was being naughty and trying to distract me. I put the phone on mute and told her to ""stop it before I tie her up."" That made it worse. The next conference call I had, I did exactly what I said. I used my cuffs and tied her to the chair across from my desk. It was crazy hot. I was working on my call, and there she was - tied up naked across from my desk. She sat there for 30 mins while I was on a WebEx. She was a good little girl. That seat was soaking wet when the call was over. I could go on an on about the shenanigans, but those were the two things. For two days she made me breakfast, lunch and dinner. Tidied up my house and even folded a load of laundry for me. In between work, and other things we fucked like rabbits, slept in the same bed and even cuddled. She would take calls from her husband, lie to his face and tell her she is at home, shopping, etc. A few times she went off on tangents about her husband, typically right after he checked on her. She never called him. Some famous lines we hear around here that she told me: I love him, but I am not in love with him. I hate having sex with him. I do not suck his dick. He never makes me come. When he forces me to have sex, I just want it to be over. I have to take a shower right after sex to get the feeling of him off me. I am only with him for the kids and his money. Some things she tells me: I love your come, I want it all over my body and in my mouth. I want to have your babies. (She is 41) I love how you dominate me in bed. I love how you toss me around, and how you can pick me up. You know what you want and take it. You get me wet just being around me. When my I get a text, I get butterflies hoping it is you. Everyday when I see you at school, I just want you to come over and rub against me. She left this morning. But not before morning sex, breakfast and her telling me ""Thank you"" 100 times. Lessons: Meh, same old shit different day. Bottom line again is a woman who wants to fuck you, will find a way to do it. She will schedule it weeks in advance with you when her husband is going to be out of town. Dump her kids with her parents and will be your 48 hour wife or girlfriend for the chance to live. She will suck your dick, swallow your come, let you fuck her ass, tie her up and anything else you want - if you are a high value man. She will then go home to the faggot ass husband that supports her, look at him and treat him with disgust and contempt while she fantasizes about a life with you. Don't be the faggot ass husband. And don't be a Rockstar that sticks around for the kids with a low value woman. That was my mistake.",,74,red-sfpplus,2018-11-08 15:54:18 marriedredpill,9ummv2,"Own Your Shit Weekly - November 06, 2018","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit. ",,15,AutoModerator,2018-11-06 08:24:28 marriedredpill,9uep23,Financial Freedom - First Steps,"# Financial Freedom - First Steps Owning your shit at home covers many things and one of the most important areas for long term success are finances. Having a financial vision, understanding the trade-offs, having the frame to bring it to existence, and becoming successful has many benefits to anyone, married or not. To a degree, it is simply Adulting 101 but I see many posts all the time that betray a complete lack of understanding of how to run household finances. What follows is a summary of the path I took over the last 2 years, generalized so it is applicable to anyone. Many concepts borrow heavily from /r/personalfinance/ (PF). In fact, it is crucial that you become familiar with the concepts that are explained on this subreddit and in their [wiki] (/r/personalfinance/wiki/index). I try not to duplicate content but some concepts here will have a specifically MRP-oriented slant. MRP brings a unique set of options and skills to the table that can make you much more effective than the general population. ## Financial Freedom What is Financial Freedom and why should you care? To me it is the freedom to quit my current or future job if I choose to, and to walk away from it all if that's what my path leads to. That freedom will happen when my investment income surpasses either my expenses or my current job income - depending on what metric I want to use at that time. My plan is to reach this goal in 9 to 11 years. The key to this plan is the magic combination of saving, investing, and compound interest. I will not explain how this works here - there are many resources available for these concepts. Most people understand this as a really long term avenue to riches but it is actually much faster in its effects than one might expect. If we use the very attainable numbers of saving 30% of your income and getting a 10% return/interest, you can accomplish the following: - In 3 years you will have saved up one annual salary and it will generate an extra 10% income. - In 5 years you will have saved up almost 2 annual salaries for extra 19% income. - In 10 years you will have saved up 5 annual salaries for extra 50% income. If you can improve your rate of return to 15% (not easy): - In 10 years you will have extra 100% income. Are these numbers attainable and is this something you want? Only you can decide. It is, however, important to understand that this possibility exists and if you decide you don't want to take these steps, it should be a conscious decision. Assuming your regular income improves, and/or you can get your wife to work more, you can reach these goals even faster. ## The Steps The steps are very simple in principle. 1. Study /r/personalfinance/. Learn from other people's mistakes and get to the point where you can predict the answers to most posters' questions. 2. Increase your saving rate to 30% by cutting down expenses. This is the bulk of this post and how I did it with an MRP lense. It is, however, not enough to just save. You must also invest but you have a year of work before this becomes critical. 3. Study investing and how you can generate 10% or higher returns. Not covered here except with a side note - many options exist that are not obvious but count: eliminating high interest rate debt, using employer or government subsidized savings plans, reducing your tax burden by using tax advantaged plans. ## The Vision The rest of the write-up is how you create a financial system for your household. You will be in complete control. You are the one who is ultimately responsible for it succeeding or failing without blaming anyone. With that in mind, you design it in such a way that you could do it all yourself if your spouse will not/cannot contribute but you make individual portions of it possible to delegate. The more responsible your spouse is the better and you can reward her contributions by giving her more control over individual items. It is, however, always your responsibility to track and enforce that the system is followed. As a general rule, you will be moving to a save first, then spend model. In each budget category (see below) you will not spend more than allocated for each month until you saved up some money to buy it - by under spending in that category in the previous months. The only exception is existing loans and obligations until you find a way to eliminate them. This also creates a very simple method to determine when you should be spending on items like new cars, house upgrades etc. You create a category with a budget, and when you save enough - you can use it. In some cases this will guide you to do more if needed: E.g. if you are accumulating a lot of saved up money in the household repair/update category, you need to fix more stuff around the house. How quickly you implement and enforce these changes is related to the strength of your frame and your ability to run this system. Do not go Rambo if you suck at this but do implement quickly if you are capable. There are a ton of areas to gradually improve so it will take time to do all of it - no need to stress everyone out with a complete overhaul instantly. This system has had a huge positive financial impact with minimum or no negative impact on what we consume or spend on. It has had some unexpected benefits to our quality of life outside of the financials. ## The Details This is the order that I used. As you progress through the steps, the order becomes less important. The individual items are a list of options available. ### Track your spending Devise a system to track all of your spending and start tracking it for a month. A month is good enough to get a good idea of where your money goes and how to set up your budget categories. Estimate the rest. No need to tell your wife that you're doing this as this is just for your information. I use Excel because I like to make my own spreadsheets but there are many better [options](/r/personalfinance/wiki/budgeting#wiki_tools.2Fsystems) available. You will likely find that your wife spends way more than you do and you will be spending a lot of energy in curbing that spending initially. How you do the next step takes that into account. ### Make an initial budget Follow the PF guidelines but I suggest adding the following features that I found incredibly useful for MRP purposes. This assumes you are the more responsible spender and you also make more money than your spouse. The guiding principle is not fairness but accountability. If in doubt, make it harder on your spouse than needed and later you can be more benevolent. You want to track accurately who actually spends what without making any judgments about it. - Budget for saving early - more than you save now. Force the spending cuts immediately. Start with 5% more than you save now. - Make common categories for joint spending like mortgage/rent, utilities, groceries, household repairs etc. You will control all joint spending going forward but no need to force that issue yet. (PF) has good suggestions for categories. - Make a discretionary spending category for yourself and a separate one for your spouse. I suggest to make them equal and way less than the sum of your current discretionary spending now. That most likely will mean that your wife will have less to spend unless you are the big spender right now. The goal is to have each adult spend this money how they wish. No need to enforce this yet. - Make a spending category for each kid you have. This is mostly for your info. You don't let the kids control this money unlike the adults' discretionary spending. - Put everything attributable to individuals in their categories, including the kids. You might find that you spend way more on one kid than the other. I did, unsurprisingly, on my daughter. - Put joint loans as a separate spending category where it belongs. E.g. mortgage under house. I suggest using as few loans as possible joint, in fact, I only have mortgage under joint. Rest is individual loans. - Put individual loans in your or her category as you see appropriate and subtract the monthly payments immediately from the discretionary budget of that person at the beginning of each month. The point is to make current loan payments a direct hit to each person's discretionary budget. It also means that if one person pays off their loans faster, they will have more money to spend without gifting that money to the other person. Do not play nice here and take over her student, car, or other loans as joint spending. Think carefully who should own each loan. - Big expenses paid with a smaller frequency, such as car insurance should be subtracted at the beginning of each month. E.g. if you pay your car insurance once every 6 months: Figure out the proportion - if your car is the cheaper one, and your insurance is lower, go through the policy and calculate how much your car costs and how much hers costs. Then divide each individual amount by 6 and subtract that from each person's discretionary spending monthly. Inform your wife that you made the budget to align with your saving goals. Tell her how much she has in her discretionary category. She might not care in which case you leave it at that. If she doesn't care, it probably means she does not intend to follow it which is fine for now. If she does care and asks about more details, show her the budget. If she disputes that something is in her category that she doesn't agree with, just broken record that this is how you intend to track the spending. ### Grocery Store Figure out the cheapest grocery store option available that is acceptable in quality. If Aldi/Lidl are available in your area, those are amazing for quality and price. Do this immediately, while you're still doing your initial tracking period. If you have no idea what you should be shopping for, you will be educating yourself on this over the next few weeks. Make an initial shopping trip by yourself and buy one weeks's worth of supplies. Focus on items that you will eat/prepare yourself, relatively cheap and aligned with your diet or the diet your feel your family should follow. Don't bother buying stuff that are solely for your wife/kids, expensive, or unhealhty. If you get asked why, just say you're exploring cheaper food options and broken record/STFU the rest. Over the next few weeks make your goal is to figure out how to buy 90% of the groceries needed by your whole family in one week increments. ### Grocery System You are eventually moving towards a system with the following features: - You buy groceries once a week only on a specific day. - You buy the bulk of your groceries at the cheapest store only. - There is always enough to eat without wasting. See more on wasting below. - Everybody needs to get their items on the shopping list before the shopping day or it doesn't get bought until next week. - The items you buy are skewed towards cost effective items and aligned with your diet. - Items bought at more expensive stores are only bought because they are not available at the cheap option. No last minute emergency shopping trips for expensive items. - When stuff is on sale, stock up. But only stock up on stuff you actually use, no impulse buying. It should only take you a few weeks to transition to this as you get more comfortable what should or should not be bought. The benefit to everyone is that it's simple and works like magic. You will initially spend some energy implementing this but eventually it becomes second nature to you and your spouse and you can stop grocery shopping if she can handle it. Should you encounter challenges to this, this is when you start using your frame to communicate your vision of saving and investing for the future. The smoother the transition, the less challenges you get and the more obvious it is that you are leading the way in something good. ### Household items Some household items like detergent, soap, shampoo, toothpaste etc. very vastly in quality and price. Spend some time figuring out the most cost effective item of sufficient quality and figure out where you buy them. It might be at the cheap grocery store but it might be online. Only buy those items at those locations so make sure you have enough on hand so you avoid emergency (expensive) trips. E.g. make sure you always have at least one more extra detergent bottle in store. Once you figure that out, the time and energy spent on it is zero as you always buy from the same place. ### Grocery deliveries If you have grocery deliveries from the cheap grocery store available, use it. It cuts down on impulse buying, saves time and gas, and makes it trivial to maintain your grocery list throughout the week. Any time you remember you need something, add it to the online list, then order everything once a week and have it delivered. ### Food Prep Figure out how to prepare food in bulk in minimum time. Bake a bunch of chicken while you are frying up some other protein option. Prepare several simple protein options on the weekend and make sure they get eaten during the week. You or your wife can spend a small amount of time during the week to make a side item to go along with the protein. You will lead the way here but your wife can take over in a few weeks if she's willing/capable. Avoid lengthy daily cooking rituals that cause frustration and waste time. Figure out what you eat (all of it - breakfast, lunch, dinner) and make that yourself if needed, or delegate to your wife if possible. This is another area where you are likely to encounter challenges. Communicate that you want to save time and money on food prep and that you like having food available at all times during the week without having to think about it. Ask her to help you with the food prep and/or with the side dish preparation during the week. ### Waste You can waste a ton of food if you just buy it but don't track that it is consumed. Use the following system to avoid waste: - When new groceries arrive, move the old unused groceries to the front of the fridge, put the new groceries in the back. - Check the fridge regularly and move stuff out of the back to the front that needs to be eaten. Stop buying it if it consistently does not get eaten. - Limit the amount of fresh vegetables/fruit to what you will eat. The rest will be frozen (and cheaper). Do keep a decent amount of frozen vegetables on hand. Monitor fresh vegetables/fruit and make sure you consume them quickly or reduce how much you buy. - If your kids/spouse put something on the list that you won't eat personally and you think it might get wasted, buy it once and monitor. Remind them to eat it. If they don't actually eat it, stop buying it. - Clean out the pantry regularly. Stuff that has been sitting there for months is thrown away and put on the Don't Buy list. - Do buy more canned foods such as beans, vegetables, fish etc. as they are cost effective and don't waste as readily. Follow up and consume them without piling up. - Dig through the bottom of the freezer occasionally and consume the stuff that dropped to the bottom. Make a mental note of what does not get eaten and consider moving to the Don't Buy list. ### Diet Figure out a good healthy diet that is not expensive, e.g. Paleo or Keto. It should result in you and your family eating less and more healthy. If your diet is expensive, it might be crap. ### Cars You are likely spending more than you can afford on your cars. How do you know you are spending more than you can afford? You are not saving and investing 30% of your income. Cars are a huge money pit. You can get a 2 year old used car that will be just fine for 7-10k. If you already have something more expensive, consider selling it and getting something cheaper. Either way, subtract the car payment from each person's individual discretionary budget to force the decision. If you simply ask your spouse to downgrade her fancy car, she will fight you tooth and nail. If you make her choose between an expensive car and hair cuts, she will be more likely to downgrade. Same goes for you. Take some time to consider this - it is easy to lose even more money by constantly changing cars. Car loans can carry a low interest rate so once you get to the point where you are investing with a 10% return, it's not necessarily bad to carry a car loan. However, if you are a compulsive spender, you should avoid car loans and save up first. PF has good guidance here. Carefully consider what you want to do here so start thinking about it early but make sure whatever decision you make is something you will enforce. If you're not sure yet, wait a bit more. But if you're bleeding money over a luxury car that you don't want, start making plans to fix this soon. ### Trinkets As a budget category - decorations, throw pillows, rugs, scented candles and other such nonsense goes to zero. Anything in this category goes against your wife's discretionary budget. Go for the minimalist look, and do in fact clean out the clutter. Sell your old trinkets at garage sales and stop buying them. ### Appliances/devices This mostly goes against the household repair budget and for the most part - stop buying devices. You don't need a new TV every 2 years, nor do you need juicers, exercise machines, stereos, espresso machines etc. This should approach zero. When you save up in the household budget, you can buy something new but preferably you just repair what's needed. Individual devices, such as smart phones, go against individual discretionary budgets. Again, save up first, then buy. Switch to older models for savings. ### Clothing/beauty This goes against individual discretionary budgets. Track this carefully. Do put make up and other beauty products in your wife's discretionary budget. Let your wife make the decisions about how she uses her budget and she will make the appropriate adjustments once you start enforcing her monthly spending budget. Likely she will reduce the frequency of her hair, nail, pedicure appointments to what she actually needs whereas before it looked like impossible to eliminate. If you shop together for clothes (don't), do separate the spending to your and her budget. For kids, if they are older, and they want to decide what they buy, give them a monthly allowance to spend how they choose to start teaching them about budgeting. If you buy these items at a store where you already buy household items, request receipts from your wife on every purchase there and separate it into her discretionary budget or household. If she does not provide a receipt, put the whole purchase into her budget. Make it her responsibility and less work for you. ### TV/Cable This can likely be eliminated altogether. Watching TV is useless and there is a ton of content on streaming services for much less anyway. If you have Amazon Prime for deliveries, there is a ton of content available with that service. If you need additional streaming services, rotate them to only keep one active at a time. Watch the shows you want, then switch to something else. Use over the air HDTV for local channels. You can occasionally get premium streaming channels like HBO for $5 a month for a limited time - sign up, watch what you want, then cancel. ### Utilities Not much you can do there. Close off unused rooms and close the HVAC vents in those rooms. Adjust temperature to save on HVAC. Get LED bulbs. If you are spending a ton on irrigation, start replacing your lawn with trees/bushes/mulch - they are much more water efficient, less work, and more environmentally friendly. ### Entertainment As a joint category this goes to zero. Mentally replace entertainment with hobbies. All stuff like movies that you do jointly, split into individual items that go against discretionary budgets of you, your wife, your kids as appropriate. Communicate this to your wife - she needs to start being aware that spending on these types of outings cost her discretionary budget money. ### Eating out Same as entertainment - track individually. But plan to cut this out altogether and only do it for special occasions. Lead in this area - do not eat out if you don't have money in the budget to do it. ### Enforcement light After a month of making your initial budget (two months from start) review the budget by yourself. You are likely over in many categories - this is normal. But possibly you were successful in reducing a lot with the suggestions above - in which great, you are starting to make a difference. The biggest category over budget will likely be your wife's discretionary spending. Assess how well you are doing with making progress and leading, relative to her failure. Do inform her that she is over budget and that she needs to start prioritizing to get the spending under control. If she's making efforts, do help her with suggestions - e.g. spreading out her beauty appointments over more time, buying cheaper stuff. If she refuses to follow you have to decide if you have the tools available to enforce it. If you don't - read some past posts about taking over the treasury. You will need to get these ready before you fight over it. Do not fight if you don't have the enforcement tools ready. If you decide to postpone the fight, continue tracking the same way but stop talking about it and don't make any threats. ### House So many people live in a much bigger house than they need. Most families don't need more than a 3 bedroom house. Anything above that is a luxury. Seriously consider downsizing until you can afford it. If renting, this is not that hard but selling your current house is not trivial. There are some creative options you can utilize if you have a bigger house than you need and there are serious obstacles to downsizing: - Convert some space as a separate living unit and rent it out. Get started with real estate! - Convert some space to use as a side business - save on external lease, potentially save on taxes. - Rent out your whole house and move to a smaller house to test it out or temporarily until you get a handle on your finances and you can afford it. I'm a fan of real estate so this could be your first step. The effects of downsizing are huge. Not only does your rent/mortgage go down, but your utilities also decrease. This is definitely not a Rambo area - be aware of the situation and make a good long term plan. ### Mobile plan and Internet Find out what your cheapest option is for both. There are plans out there that work well together - for example, you don't need unlimited bandwidth on both mobile and home internet. If you get a cheaper plan for data, use home wifi to avoid cell data. Alternatively, if you have unlimited cell data, get a cheaper home internet plan and use the cell data. Get the minimum you actually need for both and shop around. These plans are easy to switch so don't be lazy. ### Gas Not much you can do here except: Don't drive that much. This saves time more than the gas money so I call it out anyway because time is important. See Grocery System. Do carpool your kids activities with other parents. Do not drive your kids to school, put them on the bus. Plan your trips efficiently. Drive jointly if possible instead of taking two cars to the same location just because of some side trip someone has to make. Find out where the cheapest gas station is that is close to something you attend regularly and make a point to fill up there if you happen to be there. Don't waste time making special trips to that gas station unless it's really close. ### Household help If you are using various services to help around the house, make the determination whether this is something you want to keep doing. If your wife is a SAHM, do not spend on cleaning service. If she insists, put it in her discretionary budget and tell her. Enlist your kids in household chores - teenage kids can handle most of it. Pay them for it and let them take over individual jobs. My son does 100% of the dishes now. I pay him which goes against his budget (he doesn't need to know) and it's money I would have likely spent on him anyway. ### Alarm monitoring, pest control I cancelled all of these. YMMV. Maybe get a gun and some insect spray. ### Kids items Stop buying your kids a bunch of stuff they don't need. Encourage them to work around the house and if they are old enough, get a job outside the house. If they are old enough for a phone, get a cheaper option - older models have significant discounts. They can earn their own money if they want something better. ### Kids clothes For smaller kids, find parents with older kids and see if you can score some hand me downs. For older kids, reduce the spend and if they are old enough, give them a budget to decide what they buy. ### Kids jobs If they are old enough, make them get a job outside the house - babysitting, pet sitting, mowing, yard work, regular jobs. This takes some time so help them. Teach them some marketable skills and help them with advertising it. Encourage them to walk around the neighborhood (if safe) to offer their services because it is much more likely they will actually get a job. Go with them if needed but let them walk up to the door by themselves to make their pitch. ### Gifts We stopped buying numerous gifts because everybody is now on board with the long term plan. Gifts for kids go against their budget. Gifts for your wife go against yours, your wife buying you gifts goes against hers. Since the budget is tight, this will force some decisions. Each gift now matters. Flex that Benevolent Beta Bux (BBB) and if she's cooperating, and you are doing better than her, occasionally buy her stuff she sacrificed. This shows that you appreciate her contributions and that you know what she likes. ### Enforcement After a few months, hopefully you've become a better leader overall, and you have demonstrated value by saving money, and leading your family towards a more prosperous future. This is the time to seriously enforce the budget so you can make additional cuts towards saving. If your wife is trying and cooperating, you just need to be more attentive to her spending and vocal when she's approaching her limit. Do enforce it verbally and be calm about it. Offer suggestions and reward her with more responsibility if warranted. Start sharing your vision with her more so that she sees the benefits. If she is not cooperating, you will need to take drastic steps. Consider taking one more benevolent appeal if you have been improving in other areas so that she's starting to follow your leadership in other areas. But it's possible you will have to force the issue - see MRP posts about taking over the treasury. Time this right and have all your tools ready before you do this because you don't need to argue if you can't enforce. ",,69,ObliviousAsshole,2018-11-05 15:57:02 marriedredpill,9t76li,Crying is weak. Don't. Part II: Derrick Rose,"/u/justpickanyusername had a [great post the other day](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/9r190k/crying_is_weak_dont/) about the fact that crying is weak, don't. He used an example of Derek Carr crying in the face off weakness and losing. And so, as a follow up, [let me present Derrick Rose](https://streamable.com/qsrs0). [Highlights.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qV09ywqrSfY) In case [you need a 30 second backstory from Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Derrick_Rose), >""Rose has struggled with significant knee injuries since his 2010–11 MVP campaign. In the first round of the 2012 NBA Playoffs against the Philadelphia 76ers, Rose tore his ACL in his left knee. Rose required surgery and was subsequently sidelined for the entire 2012–13 season.[3] Rose returned to play in 2013–14. However, on November 22, 2013, during a regular season game against the Portland Trail Blazers, Rose injured his right meniscus which caused him to miss the remainder of the season.[4] Rose returned once again the following season, but knee injuries continued to riddle him, causing him to miss 30 games. In June 2016, he was traded to the New York Knicks. After one season with the Knicks, Rose joined the Cleveland Cavaliers in July 2017, but was traded and subsequently released by the Utah Jazz the following February."" It got so bad that [he was shooting balls alone at Cleveland State University.](https://www.si.com/nba/2018/02/22/derrick-rose-shooting-comeback-gym-cleveland-state-video) What is the difference between Derek Carr's tears and Derrick Rose's tears? Carr was showing emotion as a result of adversity, challenge, and failure. It made an already shitty situation worse because he couldn't bear the burden. Rose, on the other hand, resulted from a game winning block, a career high game, and the long, long journey to overcome tremendous challenge and adversity. No one's going to fault Rose for shedding a tear or two, because at the end of the day, he won. Not only did he win, the way he punctuated and dominated was deeply meaningful. But you could see him trying to fight the tears, because crying is weak.",,26,[deleted],2018-11-01 06:50:14 marriedredpill,9sui1m,Widows & War Brides,"Essay: https://therationalmale.com/2018/10/30/widows-warbrides/ The TL;DR version is this: Women only ‘widow’ for men that made an Alpha impression on them. If their previous Alpha was somehow ‘killed’ and replaced by a lesser man, their hindbrains resist that man’s authority over her while using her previous Alpha as the lesser man’s SMV (sexual market value) benchmark. In the most extreme examples, a woman who’s been forced to accept the authority of a lesser man who defeated her former Alpha will resist him and/or plot revenge for the idealized lover. Historical accounts and various cultural fiction are rife with this archetypal story. The woman who is married off to a lesser man or becomes the War Bride of an undeserving rival (usually by subterfuge or sinister means) is an archetype because it reflects women’s deepest evolutionary, existential, fear – to have her Hypergamous sexual selection strategy forcibly chosen for her by a man (or men) who are undeserving or are suboptimal breeding prospects. As I mentioned, this is an existential fear for women; anything less than unilateral control over her own Hypergamous destiny is tantamount to rape. The fear is that she will spend her life raising the child(ren) of a suboptimal man. War Brides The premise of the War Brides dynamic is thus: Evolution selected for women who could more easily transition psychologically from one dominant male to another. In our chaotic ancestral past women and girls were a commodity to be preserved for a conquering tribe. While men or boys were either killed or enslaved, fertile age women would be preserved as spoils of conquest for superior, invading, men. Simply put, women have reproductive value – men (and often their sons) were mostly obstacles in the way of resource acquisition and those reproductive opportunities. That may seem like a bleak proposition to a Blue Pill conditioned mind today. We want to believe in some egalitarian dream of humanism and cooperation, but our evolved, ancestral past is responsible for what we are today in terms of base biological and psychological imperatives.",,48,Rollo-Tomassi,2018-10-31 01:56:36 marriedredpill,9sly2r,"Own Your Shit Weekly - October 30, 2018","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit. ",,13,AutoModerator,2018-10-30 08:24:27 marriedredpill,9r3csw,“Is it worth it?”,"A couple of weeks ago I went out with a bunch of my co workers to support another one who was doing a gig singing downtown. My co workers are pretty much all early to mid 20’s. Female. One asks if I can pick her up on my way. No big deal. Her fiancé is at home and has been drinking so she doesn’t feel like he can drive. No problem. I pick her up. Later that night I drop her off. Fiancé still drinking with his buds. After a few minutes we chat and he gets drunk angry and starts yelling at me about “was it worth it, T?” And getting in my face. Interesting. Dude is twice my size. Younger. Fitter ( maybe ?) But he is in my face because he thinks I’m trying to get the girl. “Dear dude - I’ve already had your girl, it was a few months ago. You didn’t notice then and you’re not gonna do anything about it now “ That was in my head. In real life I just got up and stood there as his fiancé ( my co worker) was getting between him and I. I haven’t moved. I haven’t pushed. I haven’t met him in he stupid chest to chest thing he wanted to do. So she gives him back her ring. Lol. Repeat of “ was it worth it ?” As he goes on and on. I asked her if she was ok. She nodded. I left. Gents. Don’t be the guy who has to drink to try to force a confrontation. It’s weak and sad looking. Even to a beta who is older than you. Yes we both lift. But he is he only one with The beer belly. ",,34,Taipanshimshon,2018-10-24 20:24:24 marriedredpill,9r190k,Crying is weak. Don't.,"When people look for leadership. One of the things they look for is the ability to maintain composure in the face of adversity. The ability to control emotions plays a big role in this. You are looking for someone who is in control at all times. Whether that emotion be anger, fear, or pain you expect them to be able to process their surroundings and make the right call every time. You are looking for someone that is a master of themselves and their emotions. In football, the quarterback is referred to often as a field general. Someone that leads the the offense and many times the entire team. Even in a locker room that is swimming with alpha males, there is a hierarchy that exists where the quarterback is in a position that typically commands respect. Well, until it is lost. Derek Carr of the Oakland Raiders has reportedly ""lost the confidence of his teammates"" after crying in a recent game. He adamantly denies that he cried, but the *melting face* look is clearly present. [Click here to read the article and see for yourself](https://deadspin.com/derek-carr-denies-crying-during-game-not-one-tear-no-1829938294) Under some pressure and heat, his brother tweeted the following: >Hit 16 times in that game >Broken Pinky Finger (Throwing Hand) >Sprained Thumb (Throwing Hand) >Knee Sprain MCL Grade 2 >High Ankle Sprain Grade 3 >Concussion Grade 1 >Chest / Ribs Bruised >3 Broken Bones in his Back >Broken Fibula Bone in Leg >2 Missed Games (because they made him) Was Derek Carr likely in a lot of pain? Absolutely, sounds like he was rightly fucked up. Did he sob and cry on the sidelines like a little girl with snot bubbles and tears? No. Then what is the problem? He cracked. For a few seconds, he let all of the adversity his brother listed above get to him. He showed his emotion and he lost the locker room as a result. Society will tell you that they want a man that can show his emotions. One who is not afraid to cry. So, then why is Derek Carr taking so much heat? This is because this is misinterpreted far too often. Women don't want weak men. Crying is weak. The other night, my wife saw a man crying on TV as he was about to win $50,000 on a game show. She has no idea what this man has been through in life. Nor, does it really matter. My wife said to me ""I know I cry a lot, but when I see a man do it I'm like, ugh, suck it up!"" Truth confirmed. There is no wiggle room here. Weak men cry. The Oakland Raiders players don't want a weak person to lead them. Your woman doesn't want a weak leader either. Crying at the wrong time, despite the laundry list of adversity you may have, will forever and always change what she thinks of you. Some impressions stick forever and are difficult to shake. Make sure you don't leave these lasting ones as there is often no recovery since you will likely only have a few similar moments in which to redeem yourself or none at all. Is it okay to show emotion? Yes, however, it must be kept under control. Women don't want robots, but they also don't want a mangina. Is it okay to shed a tear? There are moments where this is acceptable. I believe there is a time and place for everything. Just know that this should be rare. Crying due to pain, fear, stress, disappointment, are sure to lead to a lack of confidence in your leadership. If you lose a loved one, shed a few tears if you must (no snot bubbles or hysterics), wipe them away and move on. There are other times where this is acceptable and I am not going to list them all. It is okay to show that you care about the people you love. Tears should be rare. Maintain control of your emotions despite the adversity you face. This is mountain we must climb. These are the challenges we as men face. This is what true leaders do. This is the burden of being king.",,64,justpickanyusername,2018-10-24 16:33:41 marriedredpill,9quwu6,Past Indiscretions,"Essay: https://therationalmale.com/2018/10/23/past-indiscretions/ Excerpt: The Sisterhood will always show solidarity for, provide cover for, or aid and abet a woman trying to optimize Hypergamy,…unless that woman is in direct intrasexual competition with her for the same optimization. Right now I’m sure there are guys thinking, “Rollo, we know that women can get really brutal when it comes to competing with each other.” And yes that is true; “slut shaming” is almost entirely reserved for women’s intrasexual combat, and there are many other ways women disqualify other women from the sexual marketplace if they feel threatened by that woman’s direct competition. But women evolved to be collectivist and cooperative in our hunter/gatherer past, and this has given rise to a globalized Sisterhood wherein women buy into the narrative of their own victimhood and most understand their gynocentric position of power simultaneously. If there is a prime directive to the social order it’s that all women everywhere are entitled to the best available opportunities to optimize Hypergamy. Women will almost universally run cover for their sisters’ infidelity, and especially so if they are anonymous and there is little risk attached to their involvement. The rationalization is always the same too; it’s men’s responsibility to “Man Up” and marry a sister and thus subterfuge is justified, or, a woman deserves a shot at hot short term sexual opportunities if that woman is paired with a Beta partner. Either scenario is consolidation of Hypergamy. Men are never afforded the same luxury of being able to vet women or to abandon one for his own reasons. I constantly get questions from guys asking how to vet a woman for marriage, but the fact that I would be audacious enough to offer advice on this is enough to set most women off. How dare I think that any woman might not be suitable for a long term commitment? To the Sisterhood, that vetting is only ever valid when it comes from another woman, why? Because to women only women should ever have control over Hypergamy and sexual selection. And in a feminine-primary social order a man telling another man that he should pass on a woman for commitment is conflated with misogyny.",,54,Rollo-Tomassi,2018-10-24 00:43:09 marriedredpill,9qscx3,One Year In - Just Getting Started,"**One Year Field Report** **Background** 37, married 15 years, 3 kids (all under 10), career beta, wife is 35 SAHM, swallowed the pill almost exactly a year ago. Found MRP looking at random subreddits looking for entertainment and it hit me like a ton of bricks. It took me a couple months from finding the red pill to actually swallow it knowing that it was entirely possible that rocking the boat could end my marriage. I decided I was willing to take that risk to unfuck myself and my life. **Physical** 6'2"", 190, 10.6% BF, bench 265, squat 335, dead 395. Lifting at home 3x a week, bball once a week. Two months into a bulk at 500 calories over TDEE. Trying to put more mass on arms and upper body with 5 sets of 8-12 reps at 75% of 1RM, starting to see some progress. Watching ab definition disappear during a bulk is a bummer, but I know they’re just a cut away and I’ll look even better with more muscle mass. Looking at where I started a year ago, it’s hard to believe how far I’ve come. My big 3 lifts were a combined 600 pounds a year ago. Today I’m at 995 and on track to hit my year-end goal of the 1000 pound club in the next couple weeks. I’ve lost 15 pounds of fat and added 10 pounds of muscle. I feel confident with my shirt off, and more confident generally in life. For anyone just getting started, lifting is key. I’m still far from my long term goals, but I know how to get there. Another plus of eating better and lifting is I’m demonstrably healthier. I had my health screening at work and my blood test came back perfect. The nurse said to just keep doing whatever I’m doing. In the past, I did tons of distance running and thought I was in shape, but I couldn’t get my HDL or triglycerides where they should be. Turns out being able to run 10 miles doesn’t mean you’re in shape, but now I am. I also noticed I haven’t been sick once in the last year even with my germ factory kids bringing home all kinds of bugs and my wife being sick a few times. **Reading** Finally finished Bang this week and restarted MMSLP. Still finishing Thinking Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman. On my second re-read of NMMNG putting together an outline. Rational Male 2x, WISNIFG 2x, SGM, MMSLP, Way of the Superior Man, How to Win Friends and Influence People, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck. **Career/Finances** I'm debt free, working on long-term financial goals. Need to increase my income (looking at some passive sources) to hit some loftier targets. My promotion was made permanent last month and I was supposed to have an evaluation of my performance in this new position for a raise in 6 months. Boss gave me the raise last week instead. I think my boss sees I have options and wants to keep me where I’m at. Applying for a higher position today. Nice to have a little career dread. **Captaining** I used to defer to my wife on planning activities. I used to feel bad about scheduling my own activities that I enjoy because it would require her to do more child care. In the last year, I’ve changed tremendously and I live my life for me. I’ve planned lots of family activities and trips that went great. I do the things I want to do and I’m so much happier. I used to go on business trips and the whole time worry about how hard it was for my wife while I was gone and wish she was with me to enjoy the new places I’d visit. I was never fully enjoying where I was if she wasn’t there. And when I did bring her along, I wasn’t fully enjoying it because I was following her moods in the moment. The last few business trips since swallowing the pill have been drastically different. I’ve enjoyed myself so much more and I don’t worry about how mad she is that I’m in a hot tub at a hotel while she’s wrangling 3 kids to bed. I’m also more direct leading my wife in the direction I want with stronger language “let’s do x” instead of “do you want to do x?” It doesn’t always work, but she knows what I want and often falls in line. This direct language works well in the bedroom too. **Relationship** The last year has been a roller coaster. I saw early gains and a big increase in her interest early on. Then she confronted me on my changes and I overshared giving her my journal where I tracked my progress. Things went downhill for months culminating in false rape accusations, increasing distrust on both sides, her attempting to kick me out of the house, going months without sex or even touching each other, and consulting with divorce attorneys. I made the decision that I would not and could not go back to being beta (you can’t plug back into the matrix). I was ready to end it and figured out the logistics and made peace with living life as a single dad. But at the lowest point, things started to slowly shift and have improved significantly since then. The last month I’ve been batting about .250 but that’s a significant improvement from the dead months we had during the summer. Quality has increased significantly and she follows my lead in the bedroom willingly now that I’m doing a better job leading. Starfish was a weekly occurrence in the past, but it hasn't happened in the last year. The one time she offered starfish, I turned it into much more. I’ve also noticed a correlation between the intensity of her shit tests and shark week. I’ve learned from the way of the superior man to treat those shifts like changes in the weather and maintain my positive outlook. When I handle the blustery weather well, it seems I always get to enjoy sunny weather a day or two later. We’ve been going to marriage counseling for several months and the tenor has shifted from her listing and complaining about all the things wrong with me to discovering the source of her trauma (likely from her childhood) that’s driving her sexual hangups. We’re making slow progress, and I’m providing more comfort than MRP recommends through the process, but it’s worth it to me. I think the best example of my progress is comparing at 2 massages. The [first one](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/7og8mr/2_months_in_but_appearing_butthurt/) was when I was 2 months in. I started giving her a massage to warm her up for sex and when I initiated at the end and she shot me down, I stopped immediately and started reading a book. It came across as very butthurt and ended in an argument where I DEERed like a champ. I hadn’t learned to STFU or about removing presence in a [more controlled way instead of an abrupt 100 to 0](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3qm961/verbal_intercourse_is_optional/cwgn5sb/). Contrast that with last week, I decided to give my wife a massage because she’d done a ton of good work that day and was sore. She had turned me down the night before, but I laughed it off and reset in the morning. I had no intention of initiating that night. I gave her a good massage and didn’t try to initiate, but then she initiated and it was fantastic. The mindset was totally different. I was giving because I wanted to give, not so I could get something in return. She picked up on that and apparently that did it for her. **One Year In Thoughts** I’m nowhere near where I want to be in my own progression, or in my relationship. I’ve made some mistakes and made it so much harder on myself. But the bottom line is MRP works. Sometimes it’s slower than I’d like, but it works. I’m making progress and my relationship is on the right trajectory. I’m out of my wife’s frame, but I need to do a better job establishing and communicating a compelling vision for the future. I need to show her my frame would be a good and safe place for her to be. It's also been fascinating to watch my sister in law's hypergamy in full force as she branch swings. My wife is baffled, but it's like she's following a script Rollo wrote for her and I'm not at all surprised. I’m keeping my foot on the gas and I’m betting my 2 year report will reflect much more progress.",,50,becoming_alpha,2018-10-23 19:40:35 marriedredpill,9qmybj,"Own Your Shit Weekly - October 23, 2018","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit. ",,18,AutoModerator,2018-10-23 08:24:29 marriedredpill,9olndc,"Own Your Shit Weekly - October 16, 2018","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit. ",,15,AutoModerator,2018-10-16 08:24:28 marriedredpill,9mmiul,Make your fucking choice.,"Common theme among unattractive men - they just can't make a fucking choice. This is for the most part just a rant. You see it all over r/askmrp. Every post is effectively the same thing - ""Help! Help! Help make this choice for me!"" Just randomly picking from the current front page, we have * I want to leave my wife, but probably not for a good reason. Me 30 - wife 25 * Want a LTR, plates too distracting * Want to improve my fiance's domestic skills. Classes? * How to become more successful in initiating sex? Share your strategies. * Do you feel closer to your wives after MRP? You might think the last two were really about discussion. You'd be wrong. >[And please give input on mine. I don't have much experience in LTRs.](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/9lxahr/how_to_become_more_successful_in_initiating_sex/) and >[Do you guys feel like you have a closer relationship with your wife after making the change from beta to Chad? Or am I misguided to think those two things are possible at the same time?](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/9lnct1/do_you_feel_closer_to_your_wives_after_mrp/) The real translation is this - ""I am scared shitless of doing it wrong, so I want to shift the burden of ownership"". Other people might be more charitable and call it analysis paralysis. But either way, it's just weak men being pussies - more afraid of failing than they are of the odds of doing something and possible learning something along the way. Active, engaged analysis and learning apparently isn't a thing anymore these days. But why's that so bad - you might ask? I mean, does indecision really lead to bad consequences? Yes. It makes you insufferable - and a generally awful person to spend any time with. Two weekends ago, I spent the weekend in Vegas with a 22 year old buddy of mine. Really nice guy, pretty personable, decent looking but jesus christ did I lose all respect for him after that weekend. Frankly, it's unsurprising why he doesn't really succeed with women. The whole entire weekend, I could not get a single preference out of him. The whole thing was painful - ""Thoughts on food?"" ""Oh you know, wherever."" ""Steak or sushi?"" ""I'm good with either."" Passive, reactive, and oh so fucking boring. It was as if he weren't there, completely inconsequential. His existence literally did not matter to me. Hell, it didn't even matter to him apparently. How do you engage with someone like that? The answer - you can't, and so you don't. The power of choice is that making a choice means having a consequence. For the path that is chosen, there will be a path that is rejected, and with that comes ownership of the consequences of the decision that is made. To make a choice, to be decisive, is to embrace that risk and potential uncertainty. It's much easier following than leading - and unless you really incompetent, most people are happy following. Just pick a path - and maybe you'll learn something along the way. * Re-write the kitchen lighting, and get zapped a few times. Residential voltage won't kill you. * Try to fix the garage door opener, and bust the entire thing - so now you're stuck replacing the 20 year old opener. * Eat that escargot from that shady dive bar in Miami - realize snails are nasty. * Choose to not fuck with the engine, and pay $2000 to the professionals instead. * Fuck that sketchy hooker. Most STDs are curable. Or simply make the choice to not choose, to not care, which is very different than being ambivalent. Making a choice is really easy. Just go do something. Sure you might be wrong, but at least you'll stop being one of those jackasses who are at a fork in the road, sitting around twiddling theirs thumb in their butts, waiting for someone else to hold their hand and lead their way. Those guys aren't making progress. And no one wants to hold your hand if your thumb has shit on it. ",,121,[deleted],2018-10-09 05:37:24 marriedredpill,9mndk2,"Own Your Shit Weekly - October 09, 2018","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit. ",,17,AutoModerator,2018-10-09 08:24:42 marriedredpill,9mg81r,"""I think I was just raped""","... my neighbor (HB5-ish) told me on Saturday night, standing on my front porch. It was kind of awkward hearing the doorbell ring at 10pm in the first place, not to mention the fact that she was the one woman on my street I've barely had longer than a 2-minute conversation with. She was clearly drunk, though still speaking relatively clearly. To her credit, there are some situations where a sober guy having sex with a black-out drunk chick can legally be considered rape. She asked to use my phone because her ""rapist"" stole it and drove off. I let her in, direct her to my garage for some privacy, and went back to putting my kids to bed after a fun night at Chuck-E-Cheese. My wife's came out of our bedroom, confused about who was at the door, so I told her what was going on. Her heart sank as she rushed to the garage to console our neighbor. Putting her crazy work schedule aside, my wife decides this is more important, so she headed over to the neighbor's house to sit with her while she waited for the police. That way she wouldn't have to be alone after ... you know, being raped. About an hour later my wife comes back in with a disgruntled look on her face: ""She was not raped!"" *What happened?* I asked with a grin, already having suspected this conclusion an hour ago, based almost exclusively on our neighbor's demeanor when she first asked to use my phone. Here's how it went down - noting that my neighbor apparently had excellent memory of everything. She was tailgating at a bar and got fairly drunk - but not too drunk to forget things. She met a guy. He drove her home. She invited him in. They had sex and cleaned up afteward. She changed the sheets. They cuddle and fall asleep for an hour. He takes a shower while she's asleep (evidenced by the fact that it was dripping when she woke up) and drives off. She can't find her phone. In her mind, he took advantage of a drunk girl, stole her phone and fled. She cries rape. So, she drives (still drunk) to the police station, but there was no one at the desk. She rings a buzzer a few times before realizing she could be charged with drunk driving, so she leaves and drives back home again. She looks around for her phone, can't find it, then knocks on my door. Fast forward - my wife's sitting in her house hearing this sob story about how she just got raped and had her phone stolen. She suggests calling the phone to see if anyone answers: no answer. They hop on Facebook on the girl's laptop and message her friends who were still at the bar. Her phone is there. My wife leaves. Police show up 15 minutes later. ""I'm so glad I left before the cops got there!"" my wife says. *Why's that?* ""Because it would be really awkward trying to tell them everything I just heard and yet listening to her call it rape. She was not raped! That was a total waste of time. She's just a girl who made some bad life choices, had sex with a guy she didn't really know - or even like - and doesn't like dealing with the consequences of those choices. But you know what really ticks me off? How do you think she's going to remember this night? In her mind, this is always going to be the night she was raped. That's just absurd, but God-forbid anyone try to tell her otherwise. And if she ever finds that guy again, who knows how she might try to ruin his life."" I'd never been so proud of my wife.",,88,Red-Curious,2018-10-08 16:10:35 marriedredpill,9mf7ev,We have all the weapons,"I once had a mentor well skilled in various fighting arts. He once told me (ad-libbed) ""When a person has a weapon they put all of their energy, concentration and faith in that weapon. When you take that weapon away they are now lost. Don't put your faith into a weapon that can be taken away."" Your body, strength, intelligence, instincts, and willpower are your weapons. A woman's weapon is withholding sex and divorce-rape. Everything else is noise. Take away those weapons. How funny is it that men all over the world put up with a harpy cunt who won't fuck when her only weapons are to remove her shitty presence and continue to not fuck them? Seriously, what weapon does she have? It is all smoke and mirrors if you are a man of value. Divorce rape? Yeah, if you've fucked up to the point where you are now a prime candidate for divorce rape, then that sucks. But, what's done is done. Sunk cost fallacy applies here. In your mind, take half your shit, everything that you will ""lose"" in divorce and bury it 6 feet under. Consider it gone. Money is a tool, you can always get more. Don't let the fear of losing something as arbitrary as money allow you to squander the limited time you have in this life. ""I spent my life unhappy because I was afraid I would be unhappy if I lost money."" and ""I don't want to piss off my wife because she might give me even less sex than the non-existent amount I get now."" Sound pretty fucking ridiculous, don't they? You are the only person who has power over you. Be the master of yourself, use your weapons to shape the world to fit your vision. If your wife doesn't fit your vision, give her the tools to adapt or send her packing. If you are doing this right there is no negotiating, no arguing, no conflict. If you are upset that it is raining do you yell at the clouds? No, clouds DNGAF about your feelings, you are operating within their frame. Your choice is to stay out in the rain or leave, the cloud is going to do what it does either way. Be the cloud. You are going to live a life with as much quality sex as you want, spending time with people who are respectful and add value, and doing things with your time that make you happy. If she wants to be a part of that vision then great, if not, great. She has no weapons, you have all of the weapons, use them.",,120,InChargeMan,2018-10-08 14:14:02 marriedredpill,9mkqhf,Reminders of Myself,"Essay: https://therationalmale.com/2018/10/08/reminders-of-myself/ Excerpt: **The Gestalt Feminine vs. The Gestalt Masculine** In 2018 the stakes are much higher, the game has changed and the tolerance for challenges to an ideology intrinsic to our feminine-primary social order is at its breaking point. There is now a presumption of authority to go along with the presumptions of entitlement for women and default guilt for men. The very platforms that made our coming together possible are ruled by the world views we’ve always warned against. I once wrote a post called Appeals to Reason and in it I made a rational case as to why it is never in a good idea for a man to try to reason his way into intimacy or sex with women. Most Beta men subscribe to a very literalist mindset. Our Rational Interpretive process evolved to make men natural, deductive, problem solvers. As such, we evolved different strategies and different communication methods apart from those of women. We believe in the statistics, the empirical data, the proven methods, the ‘science’ behind the processes to make informed decisions. We prioritize information when we communicate. To the contrary, women prioritize the context of communication – they feel the communication before they apply a rational interpretation to what’s been communicated. Even when confronted with a succinctly reason position founded on empirical facts, their first priority is to personalize how that data makes them feel. Their Emotional Interpretive Process is their evolved default. What I see happening today on a larger meta-social scale is a collective gestalt of the masculine trying to assert their deductive reasoning to assess the disposition of the meta-female gestalt which is firmly founded in how issues of monumental social importance make the whole of the feminine feel. In Appeals to Reason I used a guy’s petition of women as an example of this. The kid had created a list of questions for women to fill out as to why they didn’t want to go out with him on a date and to assess what it is that women want. This is classic male deductive reasoning. For millennia men have tried to apply reason to dealing with women only to find themselves confounded by what women say and what they do. The same is now true in a social scope and about decisions that have global importance today. However, in today’s scenario it is women who presume an authority that is just on the cusp of totalitarianism. It’s like we’re collectively, as Beta, Blue Pill conditioned men, attempting to logically deduce what it is women want in order to satisfy their desire for a total authority. And when that woman doesn’t get what she wants, when men try to reason her into bed, she reacts like a violent child having a tantrum. She says what she feels, not what she needs. And the gestalt of men turn on one another and blame the other for setting her off. “If only you assholes would give her what she wants we wouldn’t be in this mess” they say. Then to make matters worse we pander to her tantrums, we believe her insanity, we take her feelings as facts and the other half of the gestalt masculinity wonders why the other can’t see the real story while the other is swept up in female hysterics. Then the gestalt female is pandered to so thoroughly that we come to the point that we follow their Emotional Interpretive process as the only measure of legitimate discussion. This is where we are today, only, to compound things, we’ve collectively approved for the gestalt feminine a universally effective means of destroying the parts of the gestalt masculine who would dare to challenge their feelings, their emotional priorities. We’ve given the feminine the power to wish us away to the cornfield if we upset the child. And so here we are, at the figurative mercy of the gestalt feminine (and their Vichy male “allies”) keeping our collective heads down for fear that they’ll deny us our bread if we upset the insane, collective female Id.",,16,Rollo-Tomassi,2018-10-09 01:09:12 marriedredpill,9lx7i8,Married Man Game Part 2: Teasing,"""I hate you!"" my wife said, hiding a crooked smile behind her hands. I had just pulled another one of my signature pranks: the forgotten child. I picked up the kids from day care and sent them to play in the yard. She gets home a few minutes later and asks where they are. *What? I thought you were getting them today!* Hysteria ensues. It's easier to have fun with a wife who's extremely gullible. Mine has learned most of my tricks, which only forces me to amp up my acting skills and power of persuasion. It's actually good practice for life skills that help elsewhere anyway. After all, being able to maintain a normal face through an emotionally charged situation is foundational to your frame - only this time you're employing frame on the other end of the emotional spectrum. _____ **Something is Better Than Nothing** Women can't resist a man who can make her feel something. It seriously does not matter if it is deep hatred or abounding joy. Emotions are confusing. There's an old saying that *you cannot hate something that you don't first truly love.* The idea is that you have to be emotionally invested before you can hate. The same concept applies to anger, jealousy, fear, and a host of other negative emotions. For women, any emotion is better than no emotion at all. It's like a drug to them. It doesn't matter if it's designer weed and high-end pharmaceuticals or some hash a guy grew in his back yard. One end of the spectrum is preferred, but it's all good, regardless. What a man must really avoid in his relationships with women is indifference. When a woman stops caring about him enough to be either elated or enraged at him, he has lost her attraction. _____ **Push-Pull** Women want to know that their man cares about them. ""Does he really love me?"" she subconsciously asks herself countless times a day. Unlike men, she doesn't look to objective measures to answer that question. She looks to her own feelings. A woman's perception of the extent of a man's love for her is not defined by the man's behaviors toward her; it's defined by her emotional state. A guy could wrestle a bear to save her, buy her a mansion, or take her on an elaborate cruise - and if her emotions aren't into it she just assumes he doesn't love her. ""He must have some other agenda - like getting sex from me,"" she thinks. That's another of many reasons why it's so important that she live within your frame. That's when your point of origin defines her emotional state. How do you get her emotionally charged? The push-pull technique is a great one. This is really the broader category behind the art of teasing. The idea is that you want to create an emotionally charged environment by precluding a sense of normalcy and complacency. - If you push her away all the time, the angst normalizes and just becomes a way of life. It stops helping. - In the reverse, if you're pulling her toward you all the time, showering her with wonderful gifts, passionate poems, and all the time and attention she could ever want, these wonderful things normalize and stop holding any value. Rather than it being an emotionally charged treat, she just expects it. That's one of many reasons why the blue pill ""nice guy"" strategy doesn't work. By creating a destabilized emotional environment, where the dynamic is always changing, a man's bride is kept on her toes, never knowing what to expect. If the fluctuating dynamic is maintained appropriately, her anticipation will be a longing for what he has to offer rather than a fear of what he might withhold. _____ **TYPES OF TEASING** Teasing can be employed in different ways to effectuate a push or a pull. The story I opened with is only one of three main types of teasing. Can you guess which one? **Passionate**: The most positive and enticing form of teasing is to unveil a restrained passion - enough to show the person all that's in store, but not enough to satisfy their fill. This is why lingerie is so freaking attractive to most men. Why would adding clothes to raw, naked flesh make a woman more appealing? Because ripping them off is gratifying. Because a little taste leads to a larger hunger. The very existence of lingerie is a form of passionate teasing. - **Look**: Men can wear forms of lingerie too, but it's rarely quite the same. A better bet is to buy some form-fitting clothes and let your shape shine through. But women aren't nearly as visual as men. - **Touch**: A better bet is to get her feeling the trickle before the flood. Ever notice how much she loves it when you sneak up behind her and hold her in your arms, kissing the back side of her neck and breathing lightly in her ear? Kino is powerful. It gives her a small taste of the full entree. - **Talk**: The pen is mightier than the sword. A man's words are more powerful than his *sword*. You could certainly send her a dick pick or grind your crotch on her, but few things will rev her up more than taunting her with thoughts of what you're going to do to her. Women love to fantasize. That's why romance novels are consistently one of the top selling genres. Get her fantasizing about you before you even start. **Playful**: This is when a man just has fun with his wife. He's not necessarily foreshadowing his momentarily veiled desire. He's enjoying life at her expense. The effect it has, though, is to bring her out of a state of emotional neutrality toward him. It's not enough that she is emotional at all - she must be emotional about him. My wife has 4 months out of the year where she works 80+ hours a week. That's major stress. She occasionally comes home in tears (though it's far rarer since I have learned to be her oak). She is emotionally invested in her job. The more invested she gets in her job, the less invested she is in me. This isn't always a bad thing, as there is value in her being invested in her career. But it does preclude me from being able to lead her through the emotional whirlwind that she experiences during these busy seasons. How do I break through? I get her emotionally invested in me again. Rather than her employer's frame, she needs to come back to mine. Engaging in passionate teasing doesn't work when she doesn't have enough time to be interested. She might want it, but she'll still intentionally avoid it, as work is the higher priority in the moment. So, if I want her emotionally invested in me again during these times instead of her work, I can't use temptation toward sex. Instead, I play with her. I get her riled up over something - or even better: over nothing. I play pranks, make silly jokes, or prey on her gullibility. Sometimes she laughs (pull) and other times she becomes frustrated (push) - but in either case, she's feeling something toward me again. Once I have her emotionally invested I can steer that emotional investment whichever way I want to lead her - whether into happiness, comfort, joy, or lust. **Piercing**: The third form of teasing is that biting form of word-play that's thinly veiled by a light-hearted attitude, usually coupled with AA. For example, my wife once complained about one of her male coworkers being a total douchebag. She went on for about 20 minutes with her story about how frustrating he was being. She was emotionally invested in him. I called her out on it: *Aw, I think you like him.* ""No, it's not like that,"" she insisted. *You want to screw him, don't you?* ""Yuck! No."" *You think such dirty things, and you won't even admit it.* She punched me in the arm, saying with a smile, ""You're so mean!"" My wife has a ""good girl, holier than thou"" image of herself a lot of the time. Accusing her of being anything less is a blow to her ego. The fact is: she is less. Nobody's perfect. Rather than getting wrapped up in her emotions about this guy, I redirected her emotions to be toward me. I was a little mean ... but also a little playful. She liked it. She'd rather be mad at me than him. At least she trusted me. If I could get her to care about me, she'd stop caring about him. Problem solved - and to my great advantage, as the power play was quite arousing. You have to be careful here because too harsh a word can leave the realm of teasing and become outright cruel. While that can still get her emotionally invested in you, it's a more difficult emotional investment to steer in a more arousing direction. Of course, once again, any emotion is better than no emotion. There may be times when a straight-up neg is appropriate, though the motivation behind it matters greatly. _____ Adapted from a post created for r/RPChristians.",,135,Red-Curious,2018-10-06 16:24:24 marriedredpill,9lwag3,Mission First Women Always," I look towards balance in my life and in most things. If a man doesn't have balance he can't progress. It's a core of development. I could just as easily post another story about how I fucked that or this girl, and reaffirm Red Pill ideas, but I also find the meta, and mental development of men to be equally important. It's where I excel: the Psychological domination of my environment and I am skilled at it when it comes to women. It's wrong thinking to believe that you need to dedicate your time to one thing or the other. I would argue this is the way women think. They like to criticize men for not being able to multi task, but it's men who can. Betas clearly fail at this, but an Alpha or even an insecure alpha can do this. Creating a list of priorities and working down that list is limiting yourself as a man and removing one of you most natural skills. The ability to handle many priorities, at once, and all together. To begin to understand what this post is going to talk about you have to remove your notion of the idea of priorities. Men have all priorities. We don't catalog them and have a 20th Priority. If you do have a priority list you need to ask yourself if it was really worth doing. If you can't apply time to it then you are need to refigure what you are doing. There are things a man can do and things he can't do (I really like that line). It's all priority and it all needs to be done. It becomes a matter of how much time you devote to it at any given day. If you don't have time for it, then why is there to begin with. Yet the undercurrent of you life's passion is your mission and women must be always there. Let's run this to the absurd: she calls you at work. Yakking about the dishes or the garbage disposal. Your response is ""I am at work I don't have time for this"" this is how she understands it yet you demonstrate every time that you can in fact manage more than one priority. What you are really telling her is ""this isn't really that important"", and you aren't dedicating time to it. You can't tell her that though it's not something she gets. You are saying in her language of covert communication, it doesn't even make the list. And this mindset is demonstrated throughout a number of red pill adages about not dealing with drama. Needle drawing thread. Let's pull it back to extremes, you run a business, it's faltering so it becomes TOP priority, wherein you dedicate 70 hours a week to getting it back on track, but always in the back of your mind are the other things. You are still going to game a bit, it's who you are, but maybe the end game isn't to get her home. You are chatting up the secretary, that client, the barista….any woman you interact with. Even if you know you don't have time to close it to a good fuck. But hell you never know. **Balance Your Brain** Without one you don't have the other. Without the other you don't have the one. Your mission is your purpose in your life. What you get up every day for. It's your passion. Women are there for you to enjoy. They are not your passion, nor your mission. Engaging with women, gaming them increases your masculinity and therefore your social dominance. It's essential and cannot be ignored. Don't misread that. Women themselves are not the cause of your increase it's the interaction, its proving time and time again you are a man to be reckoned with in and out of the bedroom. It is said that your relationships are a reflection of you. So while you are getting promoted, hired, and congratulated on your technical and intellectual skills at some point you will hit a brick wall because you are ignoring your social development. You will find situations, teams, and projects difficult because you failed at a key development process. I believe this is a dynamic of the Peter Principle. You are failing at your improvement. Gaming women is core to that. I bring back what Mystery said all these years ago. >If you aren't fucking you are effectively sterile Great insight, hurts my feelings every time. I have seen very wealthy men, Google Execs, Radio and Music Execs, all these very powerful very wealthy mean still flounder when it comes to women. They do the same things. Drink the same drinks, talk the same topics. They spend money searching for what it is we talk about right here. Complete and utter dominance in your life. Meanwhile I am there with the hottest girl there having a great time, and yes we moved on to better places and eventually a hot monkey fuck session. Those guys couldn't hold a conversation. Don't fall into the trap of it being only women and you can end up as a PUA. Seeking validation and affirmation from the women you are fucking. You cannot forget your mission in place of women. But I get it. If you haven't had sex in a while that dick points north and is harder than an iceberg in the Atlantic. [Read this study](http://archive.is/f9PWj). First it's bending the research and direct it to a more gooey soft side, but take the data and reinterpret it through a Red Lens. It backs up the idea that having social and technical skill is an important part of leadership, or as I would see it - the man you want to be. Replace this with the fictional men we read in literature and TV/Movies. The man's man, ladies man, man about town kind of guy. That guy knows how to be attractive. He get's women. Women want to be with him and men want to be him. He's technically competent in his field and he has the social skills to maneuver at will. What is the at the core of a man's social interaction….his attractiveness. It's all directing towards his mission's outcome. The beta we talk about isn't the guy that's going to get invited to the clam bakes, but neither are you if you are sitting with your nose in a book or locked in your office counting your coins. So the next time you hear, ""women just aren't a priority right now"", come out of your mouth call someone to punch you in the jimmy. You must have balance and it must be mission first, women always.",,12,ReddJive,2018-10-06 14:21:58 marriedredpill,9lrq7r,Frame is impossible without abundance,Deleted,,52,parkerfiveone,2018-10-06 00:17:16 marriedredpill,9l394d,Developing Rhino Skin,"The idea behind it is that in nature we see that birds poke and prod on the rhino, it remains unphased. For me, the birds that poke and prod have been thoughts and feelings of insecurity and lack. In my work with the TRP this has been one of the toughest things for me to come to terms with, to get comfortable being uncomfortable and ""doing the opposite"". Up until recently I would say that I definitely made myself too available to my LTRs (2 years) emotive ups and downs. This typically happened when the lady would get into a mood and I would constantly try to see what was on her mind. Whatever it was, I thought the best route was ""communicating"" about it, easing her anxiety, for me to be her safe space. However even after we spoke about what was going on in a particular situation, I have had the realization that it wasn't about my genuine care about her or where she was, but about soothing my anxiety through her communicating to me what was on her mind. Much of the time, what's been on her mind has been innocuous emotions about the day, her own insecurity, etc. I recognize there are times when it is necessary to overtly address issues, and there are times when I have to let things pass and just STFU. However, I found myself having to know what was going on, not because I cared, but due to my own insecurity and need for immediate gratification and soothing. Sex has never been an issue in the relationship, the frequency and intensity has consistently been on the incline since she was promoted from plate. My thing was to take the dominance from the bedroom, and the DNGAF attitude to our everyday interaction. My turning point was this past weekend when she visited her family, 6 hours away and ~~I didn't hear from her for four days~~ she didn't hear from me for four days. I hamstered all weekend, recognized what was going on and just got comfortable with being uncomfortable. This has allowed me to develop rhino skin against not so much my woman's tendencies, but my own insecurities. She got back, and was in a mood of some sort before a meeting we had. I did the opposite and did not play into it. I went to the gym afterwards because as opposed to sitting around and trying to ""loosen her up, etc."" I focused on investing in myself and fitness goals. Got back from the gym, she was ripe and ready. The quality of sex is a side product of one's focus. The more I focus on myself and follow Pook's 2/3 rule, the more she craves me, does things which overtly communicate her desire for me to fuck her. To develop the Rhino skin is to maintain frame and be the oak. This experience has been an incredible lesson for me to learn and is why I pass it along.",,46,[deleted],2018-10-03 17:24:46 marriedredpill,9kov91,"Own Your Shit Weekly - October 02, 2018","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit. ",,34,AutoModerator,2018-10-02 08:25:27 marriedredpill,9k9qnt,AWALT confirmed. A MRP FR,"“A monkey will not swing from one branch without a firm grip on another” I started my RP beta de-program about a year ago. Since then I have gone from a fucking overweight, depressed, overtly needy co-worker, friend, lover, father to a fucking a man. SW 220lbs, 6’0 BF% high 20s CW 184lbs, BF% mid teens I’m on the verge of a significant raise and me being needed more than I need my job (currently make 150k +) My SMV is probably 8-9 depending on the woman. I see myself as a 8.5. Six pack and better delts I’ll be a 9 forsure (December) In the beginning my wife loved the new me. I was Rambo and pissed off. I settled down after about 3 months and began to really focus on our relationship, which meant completely changing my ideals of life. Slowly the comfort and fitness tests became daily, and every time I passed (or failed) one she began to pull more resentment from the past out to try and beta-ize me again. I eventually told her we are not talking about these issues that are 10 years old anymore, we have been to counselling, we have put these to rest. If we can’t get past them we need to explore other options. We split. She split quick too. I didn’t give a fuck. Didn’t ask her to stay, didn’t ask what she was up to. Just continued my mission as IDGAF. My suspicion is that she had found someone else. I view(ed) this as a positive. It’s a distraction for her, and makes my life easier. AWALT confirmed. She told me today after a heated financial discussion that she seeing someone. “Sounds good” I said. Buddy has some pretty fucking big shoes to fill, hope he likes being compared to me and used as a pawn in her eyes to try and stir up some emotions from me. I got a HB8.5, HB8 and another couple 8s waiting for me to text them. Gonna go lift some iron now. IDGAF. ",,61,nothestrawberrypatch,2018-09-30 20:33:57 marriedredpill,9k7jhq,Is this it?,"So with TRP being banned, are we going the way of the dodo too? If so, it's been a good run mother fuckers and thank you for helping me pull my life together. Peace ✌",,64,drty_pr,2018-09-30 16:12:51 marriedredpill,9jr5bx,Cuddles are required,"In order to fuck your wife/girlfriend/SO, you must do one very important thing with her. You have to cuddle. You have to cuddle with her, let her bury her head in your chest in that sweet spot between you chest, armpit and massive bicep. You have to hold her back, stroke her hair (from her forehead back), rub her cheek (using the back of your index and middle fingers) and rub her eyebrow. Her arm should rest across your built chest, and her hand should cup down your opposite side and grab you lat. The arm that is not supporting and caressing her head should be extended above your head as this makes you lat pop out more, which is a good thing. Your hips should be slightly tilted towards her body. So if she is on your right, your left hip is slightly elevated. She must feel 100% safe with you, in the clutch of your massive body, safe and secure in order to fuck her. And did I mention you should under no circumstances, ever have a shirt on during this process? If you never cuddle with your woman, you will never get fucked. And I am going to tell you why. If you do not treat your woman like a woman you will never, ever get to treat her like your little slut. Under little to no circumstances, should you ever perform cuddles with your woman prior to fucking. Cuddle before Sunday morning sex? That is cool. But we are talking about fucking here, not sex. The purpose of cuddles, is to remind your woman that you value her a person and not just a fuck toy. If you do not use your woman as a fuck toy, and only ever cuddle with her, both you and her are missing out on the other 50% of the equation. If you do not properly cuddle with your woman, after treating her like a slut, she will never feel appreciated the same way, begin to think you only want her to be a slut (no woman wants really be a slut) and she will not respect you. I am telling you right now. After you are done ravaging your woman, and she is laying there on the bed. Her body covered in your sweat and fluids, legs shaking from whatever, the single best thing you can do at that moment is to get up, start the shower, return to the bed and pick her up like a sack of potatoes (because you fucking lift right faggot?), take her to the shower where you both clean up. Then return to the bed for cuddles. This is your moment. These are the cuddles that will make your NEXT sex session with her, the next best sex session. Very few things put money in the bank with a woman (see deposits in the bank post) but cuddles after fucking, DO. This makes her feel safe. It shows her you care, and let me tell you - if you want your woman to fully give herself to you, then you need to fucking listen. She is only going to give herself fully to a man she trusts. In a proper DOM/SUB relationship (read man/woman) the care of the SUB is the single most important thing the DOM cares about. He takes great pride in the fact his SUB can fully trust and immerse themselves in the release to their DOM. If you do not honor that, and take it is a deep sense of responsibility, then you will never be successful. So there you have it. This post is my cuddles post to the group. I have called you all faggots, I have fucked some members in the ass, throat fucked others, but my time here is just about up. Keep lifting, keep working on your goals and keep kicking ass. For you fuckers who are just starting out, well don't fucking quit. Just remember. The only person on this planet that truly gives a fuck about you, is you. Peace out.",,184,red-sfpplus,2018-09-28 21:45:47 marriedredpill,9jmemw,Married Red Pill changed my life,"I'm not married any more. I found the red pill too late to save my marriage. If I had found it 2 years before my divorce, there would have been a chance. Instead I found it two years after my divorce. When I found the red pill, I read a hypothetical scenario on a random post: Girl spends her life up until her mid to late 20's riding the cock carousel. Then she finds a good provider. They get married. ""I don't want kids"", she says. She turns 30. ""I want a baby right now"". Two years later she says, ""You've changed. Divorce"". It was as though a little camera was hovering over the shoulder of my now-ex-wife. What a fool I was. Two years after the divorce, I was still in utter confusion as to what happened, why it happened and what I should have done differently. The Red Pill told me: Lift. Read. Lead. It told me how women think and why they think the way they do. Women will take care of you? No, women want a strong man who leads them. If you show weakness, it's a huge turnoff. Showing weakness puts responsibility for it on the person you show it to. So don't be weak. Shore up your weaknesses. Get help where you need it, but don't victim puke all over your girlfriend, fiance, wife, or HB9 you took home from the bar. The can't and don't want to help you in that way. I found someone new. The relationship has a completely different dynamic. I lead, I rule, we prosper. I make all the critical decisions. I take her input, but the ultimate responsibility is on me. The bad things that happen to me are my fault because I am the one in control, I am the one with responsibility. ""Oh, I didn't see that one coming!"" I could say to some tragedy that befalls me, but I don't. Instead I say, ""I should have seen that coming."" Now, I have to think about how to recover, shore up resources, and if I can't avoid the next bump in the road, I'll mitigate the damage. The long term problems (paying for my kid's education, for instance) are ones that I worry about. I know my ex won't, and can't. She will always have vision that extends only to the end of today, or, if she's very very foresightful, then to the end of the week. So, I'm sorry to see TRP go from Reddit. I think that the people who made the decision to quarantine it are dumb, ideologically motivated, and misguided. I think that, while there are some men who misunderstand and misapply TRP, it helps men like me, raised fatherless, to know how to be a man and to do what's actually expected of me, instead of just what my single mother told me was expected of me. It helps men like me to be what society needs: builders, creators, protectors. Leaders. ",,129,FlyingSexistPig,2018-09-28 12:10:37 marriedredpill,9jguof,TRP Quarantined,"Reddit is actively hostile to those not following the narrative of political correctness these days. They are the enemy of those with their eyes wide open, I.e. those that have swallowed the pill. Why the fuck haven’t the mods migrated proactively over to a forum? Not exactly difficult to do. They aren’t going to stop with trp. ",,86,Acerp321,2018-09-27 21:21:56 marriedredpill,9j8ida,Body Language,"Essay: https://therationalmale.com/2018/09/26/body-language/ Excerpt: Another great book I’m presently reading is the new title from Joe Navarro, The Dictionary of Body Language. Joe was one of the speakers at last year’s 21 Convention and I had the pleasure of talking with him for a bit there. For 25 years he worked as an FBI special agent in the area of counterintelligence and behavioral assessment. Today he is one of the world’s leading experts on nonverbal communications and this book is a very good resource for a lot of reasons. I’m not sure Joe likes being affiliated with the manosphere, but there’s no doubt that what he’s studied and written about for so long can be an invaluable tool for reading the sub-communications of women in Game applications. Way back in 2011 I wrote a brief essay called Learn to Read. At that time my focus was on emphasizing the need to be aware of the information a guy could glean from his surroundings, understanding the social environment and also the sub-communications a woman might be relaying to him in that moment. We tend to take it for granted, but there is a lot of information our brains need to process in social settings. For the most part our subconscious minds push out the background noise and less important information to our peripheral awareness so our conscious minds can focus on what we think is most important. Sometimes the part we take for granted, the information that our subconscious processes can be at least as important as what our consciousness is sorting out. I’m calling attention to this process (as well as Joe’s work) because I want to stress the importance our Instinctual Process plays in interpreting what we see with respect to social interactions, but more importantly for our purposes, when we see men and women interact with one another. For the past 12 years my career in the liquor and gaming industries has put me in the unique position of being able to people-watch and study the unspoken communications that goes on between men and women in settings where they’re primed to apply their interpersonal skills (or lack of). However, it wasn’t until I started contrasting what I was seeing with what I understood about behavioral psychology, evo-psych and the sexual strategies men and women evolved for. And this, this is the part where I get myself in trouble. In that time I think I’ve developed a pretty good ability to read what men and women are communicating with their clothing, expressions, posture, physical positioning, etc. and interpreting it with a Red Pill Lens. I get in trouble with this because, like I said, people tend to take my reading into things very personally. Even if I’m reading the photograph of a couple they know nothing about they associate something in the image that with how they perceive themselves. Most of us were taught from an early age never to “judge a book by its cover.” We were taught it’s wrong to be judgmental and it’s what’s on the inside that counts. This has never really sat well with me, but you run the risk of sounding catty when you judge a person by their looks or whatever it is they’re doing in a picture. They say you sound like a gossipy woman, or else it’s supposedly some indication that you’re projecting your own insecurities onto whoever it is you might be critical of. This is unfortunate because our Instinctual interpretive process makes judgment calls all the time in our peripheral awareness. We all make comparisons in our hindbrains, it’s just impolite to give voice to them. This does nothing to help us objectively assess what sub-communications are taking place. So, fair warning, I’m going to make some reads on some pictures here and if what I interpret seems a little self-serving or judgmental just know that I’m doing my best to stay objective. For the past 3 months I’ve gotten into the habit of reading the images of various couples that guys on Twitter have been sending me. If you want a brief primer for this I talked about it with Tim Wenger last August here. For the most part these guys wanted me to determine what they were seeing were Alpha Tells or Beta Tells in the body language between the couple. In the majority of these shots, the Beta male body language was fairly evident even to the untrained eye. What was less evident was what the woman’s sub-communications were conveying.",,23,Rollo-Tomassi,2018-09-27 01:22:03 marriedredpill,9j5cus,Better Beta Divorce Strategy,"This may not be popular among a group of guys who get off on circle-jerking about being more alpha all the time, but bear with me. Your goal in a divorce isn't to make your ex have the hots for you. It's to be on good terms with everyone involved so you're more likely to settle or win at trial. Although alpha strategies can work, this post is directed more toward the guys who are married to mentally unstable and highly hostile women. **Beta Divorce Strategy** Society wants to see men be more beta, right? Nice guys are good guys. Alphas are jerks who most people in culture want to punch in the face. Yeah, they're attractive to women, but they're still seen in a negative light by everyone else - including your judge, who can do the legal version of punching you in the face and get away with it. Very few alpha men present well in court. Being confident and articulate is powerful. Being the jerk who always teases his wife, AAs her complaints, says no to fitness tests, etc. will just justify to the judge why she's leaving you in the first place. If you can be the model nice guy - the man all the feminists are trying to create - your judge can only think: ""He was everything a woman would want. Sure, he made some mistakes, but he owned up to them and tried to make it right. She's the one who's being a jerk by leaving such a nice guy."" This isn't the best strategy for every judge, but it works for a lot of them - 4 out of the 5 judges on my current court. If you want to save your marriage, maintaining frame and being attractive would be the goal. If you want to win at divorce, be the best beta suck-up you can be until you build the evidence you need - not just to influence the judge with your character, but to screw with her too. She's not going to soften up to Mr. Alpha. Be the pandering fool who begs and pleads for her not to leave and offers to buy her flowers every day for a year and give her chocolates on Tuesday just because it's Tuesday. Let her think she's in the position of power. That's when her guard goes down. That's when she says stupid things in front of the microphone in your pocket. Also, comment periodically: ""I know you hate me. I know you want to prove how horrible a husband I've been to you. I can't stop you if you want to do that, and I'm happy to accept the blame for anything I've done wrong. But I still love you. I don't want this to be a big fight [especially if you have kids, bring up how it could affect them]. I'm trying to get together all the documents you'll need to prove how much money we have, how much I earn, and we can figure out how to settle this in a way that I hope we could still be friends after this is over. And who knows, if after some time things start to cool down and you would want me back, I want to do this in a way that could leave that door open."" Of course, she's going to scoff at that last part. But if she's even slightly on the fence about the divorce, what you're doing is nullifying her aggression in the divorce process, increasing your chances of settling on favorable terms by reducing her hostility toward you, and opening the lines of communication so you can try to settle between yourselves rather than paying your attorneys to do that negotiation for you. Again, this strategy doesn't work on every wife and judge, but when it does work it's the best option possible. The thing is, you can't start with an alpha, hard-ball strategy and move to the beta strategy, but you can always go from beta to alpha in a divorce. Alpha to beta isn't believable. You won't be able to convince anyone that the softness you present is sincere or genuine if you've been a jerk for the first half. It comes off as trying to manipulate the court. But if you start beta and change to alpha later, the court just thinks, ""Well, what did she expect? He tried to play nice, she wouldn't have it, she pushed him too it."" You can always start with the beta strategy, though, and convert to the alpha strategy if that's not getting you very far. That said, hold out on the beta strategy for longer than you think you should because: (1) she needs to see the first few bills from her attorney before she recognizes the cost of her being the only one to want to fight hard, and (2) because sometimes women will test how sincere your beta-ness is, knowing you might be trying to play her to get a better settlement. **Multi-Lane Divorce Theory** Most mentally unstable and hostile women are preparing for a head-on collision with you in Lane A (Alpha). She's going to play the alpha, hard-ball strategy. If you've got a divorce 2.0 judge, you're not going to win in Lane A if you try to collide back. Don't fight fire with fire. Switch to Lane B (Beta) and put some road blocks in Lane A. - Lane A is the direct and traditional emotional way to win a divorce case, which is when each side slings a bunch of mud and tries to convince the court that the other side's mud is worse. Her ""mud"" will be about how abusive you've been to her (whether it's true or not), how lazy you've been all the marriage, that you've been controlling, and that you've generally been absent and uninvolved. Your mud is going to be similar: she's lazy, has mental health problems, never held up her end of the house care, child rearing, etc. and that she wouldn't seek a (better) job when you urged her to. Statistically, I wouldn't bet a dime on winning in that type of a collision. Men are expected to treat women nicer than women to men. - Lane B is the indirect and unconventional, yet legally secure statutory way to win a divorce case. Look up your state's statutes and assess the factors, then live by them as perfectly as possible. Alphas ignore the rules and do their own thing. Lane B litigants play exactly by the rules. This makes it very hard for a judge to rule against them and gives the judge easy justification for ruling in his favor because he knows he cannot be reversed for ruling consistently with the statutes. So, while Lane A is an appeal to the judge's emotions, Lane B is an appeal to his sensibilities and the law. For spousal support, your state will have a list: ""The court must consider the following factors: a ... b ... c ... d ... etc."" The same thing will be true for child custody, parenting time, asset division, etc. Make sure you're fulfilling those factors better than she is. If your kids have a doctor's appointment, you take them. Talk to the school and make sure your number is the ""first to call"" on the list and hers is second. Create a spreadsheet that charts your spending for the past year and a half so that you can prove where all of your money has been going - and categorize it as to who spent what. Don't blame her for her excessive spending. Just use the exhibit to address your conservative spending. Let the court look at her column on the spreadsheet on its own. After all, you're not trying to sling mud here. You're simply trying to show that you're a responsible person who does right with his finances, takes care of his home, and is an upstanding parent to his children. Get all of your documents together. Make sure the numbers add up. If you know she's racking up a lot of debt (or is likely to do so), look up your state's ""*de facto* termination date"" case law and figure out what factors the court will apply and start building a case for why the court shouldn't use the day of trial as the division date (thereby giving you half of all of that new debt) and should instead use a past date. Typical factors include: leaving on unfriendly terms, when you stopped living together, when you sought legal counsel, when the case was filed, when you started separating your assets, when you started segregating bill obligations between the two of you, whether or not either of you found a relationship outside the home, etc. You have to be able to show that these and other factors started before she started racking up the debt. This is how you win on Lane B - by showing the court that you're better than she is, not by showing the court that she's worse than you are. In essence, you're proving that you're a high quality man, not that you married a low quality woman. If the judge has eyeballs in his sockets and your wife is even half as crazy and hostile as you think she is, he'll see it and she won't be able to hide it on the stand, as will be evidenced by all the mud she tries to sling - most of which won't be relevant anyway. Don't fight back. You can try to run both lanes at the same time, but it doesn't often go as well as one might think. If you travel on the low road, you're inherently not on the high road anymore. Due to biases, women can do both. You can't. Pick a lane. **Nullification Planning** To nullify her Lane A you simply have to taint any evidence she might throw at you. Now that you know she's recording you, leverage those to your advantage. Record yourself if you have to. Get her on record while she's off-guard acknowledging that she's not afraid of you or that she's looking forward to something you're going to do together soon. Put her in a good mood. Fake it if you have to. I had a case recently where the wife was crazy. She broke the court order dozens of times. She would send e-mails to my client acknowledging what she did. But she always ended those e-mails with something like, ""I know this may not technically work within our parental plan, but I hope you agree that this is what is best for the children. I only want to do what's in their best interests. If the plan isn't accounting for that, maybe we need to talk about changing a few things."" So, when she went back to change the parenting plan and my client wanted to bring up all the evidence proving she was in contempt of court, how do you think that evidence is going to play out? Judge: ""Yeah, I can see she violated the plan, but as she said in your own evidence, it's because this plan isn't working. That's why you're back into court. This isn't a contempt issue; it's just evidence that the plan needs to be modified."" That was a bitter pill for my client to swallow. Fortunately we had 3 experts all testifying that my client should get custody, so it's a slam dunk on other grounds anyway (order pending). My point is simply that she did everything she could to nullify and taint any evidence my client would try to present. Every audio recording, every e-mail, every text message, every phone call, etc. They always included in the beginning or the end, something like each of the following phrases, which I encourage you to emulate too: - ""I'm genuinely grieving at the loss of our marriage and that things are going this way. I really do love you and wish that we could cooperate and make peace through all of this."" - ""Although we have our differences, I know that you mean well. I hope you can see that I mean well in what I'm trying to do too."" - ""I understand why you're so frustrated. I would be too if I only had your perspective. That said, I still think this is what we should do, and I hope you can see from my perspective a little bit as well."" - ""I know we're not going to see eye-to-eye, but I hope you know I'm just trying to look out for the best interests of our children."" - ""I know you're trying to back me into a corner so you can use these e-mails as evidence. I'm not happy about it, but I understand the strategy you're trying to use. Nevertheless, I have to stick to my principles. This is what I think is best/fair/appropriate and I really hope you would be willing to consider this and work toward resolving our differences rather than building a case for court."" - ""I know you are filled with hate for me, but I still love you, even if I know now that it's not going to work out between us."" Most states have a rule that the context of any evidence has to be presented when the other side asks for it. So, if she presents the first two sentences of an e-mail showing how you make stupid decisions or that you admitted to something that looks bad, you can force her to reveal the rest of the e-mail. When the court reads these types of phrases, it often significantly dampens and nullifies the impact of what she's trying to prove because they believe you have a greater genuineness and sincerity behind why you said the other thing in the first place. It doesn't actually matter if it's true or not, as in the case of the mom I referenced above. One of her conversations was about not taking her son to hockey practice because she had to go to a funeral for a co-worker. My client was unavailable, but offered to have his new wife drive the kid and the mom refused because she didn't like the new woman. Then my client's mom drove in to town (4+ hours) and offered to drive him to practice, but the mom still refused. Instead, the kid sat in after-school-care for 3 hours and missed his hockey practice ... and the mom wrote, ""I know you don't understand why I'm not in agreement with what you're proposing. I wish you could see things from my perspective and that we could understand each other like we used to. But until we can learn to communicate better, I think we just need to trust each other that we both want what's best for our kids."" It's a very vague statement and offered no actual justification for her idiotic refusal to cooperate, but it sure made my client look like an idiot for making an issue out of it. For the record, she later admitted on cross-examination that she didn't have a good reason for not using my client's wife or mom to get her kid to practice, other than that she simply didn't know them well enough yet. _____ **CONCLUSION** In short, there's value in being alpha if you're trying to attract a woman. But if you're trying to impress someone who lives in blue pill ideologies, like your judge or a guardian ad litem, or even your wife's attorney (and trust me, if her own attorney believes you're a stand-up nice guy, that's a huge advantage) ... sometimes you have to conform to what they want to see in you. You're not trying to convince these people to have sex with you. To that end, being more alpha might be more attractive to your STBE, but obviously you weren't doing it well enough to keep her from divorcing you, so don't expect more of the same to change her opinion about you. Try a different strategy in the divorce.",,74,Red-Curious,2018-09-26 18:52:15 marriedredpill,9iqd0a,"Own Your Shit Weekly - September 25, 2018","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit. ",,18,AutoModerator,2018-09-25 08:25:27 marriedredpill,9inm8f,Why spin plates?,"Spinning plates is a stepping stone on your journey, but an overall non-sustainable waste of time IMHO. I believe you should spend no more than 2-4 months spinning plates. Why? All you are doing by spinning plates is proving to yourself that you can fuck the same woman more than once. Its a general rule around here that a 20% man can fuck a woman of similar or less SMV at least once. Once you know this to be true, what is the point of fucking the same woman multiple times unless you want to groom her into your slut? Is your goal to get your dick wet or to build a sex toy for you to enjoy and fuck exactly how you want? I am going to level with y'all. After my divorce started all I wanted were ONS. Past that, I started to fuck a few of these ONS women a few more times, but eventually I got bored with them. Is it my age? Perhaps.... Or was it the fact that I had quickly developed my abundance, had the confidence to know that I could reel in any woman I wanted to fuck. I had game. I had proven to myself that I could do this, over and over again. From a blank slate. But lets be honest - the type of sex you get on a ONS is just meh compared to what you get out of a woman the 5th or 10th time you fuck her, assuming you know what the fuck you are doing and keep pushing her to provide the type of sex you want. Now try to do this with 2-3 women. They are going to need a little something in return (your time) to keep moving up the sex ladder. This is the balancing act so many men fail on. Don't over commit....But I digress... So why spin multiple women at the same time? Is the juice really that much different from woman to woman? Now I am not saying only fuck one woman at a time (when starting out), but why would you be fucking 2-3 women at the same time multiple times each? I guess you could argue you are building 2-3 sluts, but I am going to wager you are not pushing them how I push mine. So what am I saying? I would theorize that by first having abundance, and knowing you can fuck any woman, anytime from ground zero, that providing a woman with sexual monogamy will yield you a higher return on the quality of sex you will get from spinning plates. Read carefully. Sexual monogamy does not equal anything emotional. Am I describing sexual ONEITIS? Perhaps. Is ONEITIS dangerous to a person with abundance? I don't think so. If I am going to invest my time in a woman, then I am going to invest in such a way where the return on investment is as high as what I am putting in. _______ Wife Fiancee Girlfriend Spinning plates ONS ex-Wife _____ Fully committed emotionally and physically (loss of power) Committed emotionally and physically (still in power) Committed physically (majority of power) Not committed physically or emotionally (in a power position) Dick wet (even power position) Dick dry (start to climb the ladder bitch) _____ Where on the ladder are you? And where do you believe you extract the largest return of sexual value?",,24,red-sfpplus,2018-09-25 00:53:03 marriedredpill,9ig9gu,Your wife really doesn’t want your love...,"Your wife really doesn’t want your love, well not in the way that I think most men define love. I had a realisation the other day at work, as I’m the boss, so part of the role have to show an interest in peoples personal lives and it is interesting discussing the dynamics of their relationships (both male and female), as they often come to me for insight. One thing I noticed is that whenever they made statements about love with their partners or the use of the word in messages (SMS etc..), I spotted a trend. Take this first statement told to me by a women (there has been some infidelity on the part of the man and he is acting extremely needy now trying to placate her and get relationship back to where it was, although I think she is losing attraction to him - I don’t want to go into details but it wasn’t a very alpha way of cheating); >“I can see now he loves me more than I love him”. What is interesting is that if you replace the word love with the word need it makes total sense to the loss of attraction i.e. >“I can see now he needs me more than I need him”. We all know this spells trouble, especially for a women’s ability to be attracted to a man. Another thing I saw in a message from a male to female (who has severely lost frame and experiencing massive issues from his women - I suspect she may be cheating on him) was; >“I will always love you” and “I love you with all my heart”. Let’s translate these to; >“I will always need you” and “I need you with all my heart”. Clearly not a good position to be in with a women. When you are thinking about or professing your love for you wife or partner I would ask you to firstly try the same substitute and evaluate the statement again. If the one with need makes as much or more sense then I would seriously evaluate your frame and definitely not be verbalising this. From reading MRP and ASKMRP I think that some guys, even though they think are in frame, as they are handling shit tests and STFU, however until they can untangle the concept of love from need, they will never truly be. This isn’t an easy thing to do as our first experience of love was towards our parents and this was definitely formed out of need as obviously we couldn’t survive without them. The love for our children, is also interesting IMO as it is largely reciprocation of the need they have for us and the result of evolution to ensure the survival of our genetic material via our offspring. A good discussion point (with the exception of the obvious; release of chemicals such as oxytocin and dopamine which serve an evolutionary purpose also) is it possible to have love for your wife without need and how would you define it? We can talk about reciprocal needs being met but we know generally women aren’t the best at this Briffault's law etc..",,74,psychosis2020,2018-09-24 08:37:32 marriedredpill,9if4f9,RMG Ep. #31 - Red Pill 101,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qvwj2_KwIVg,,14,remerbernoto,2018-09-24 04:45:21 marriedredpill,9hfn3r,Proper interpretation of the Captain/First-Officer model,"Many guys here misinterpret the Captain/First-Officer model for marital leadership as a formal military/Star-Trek-style, appointed or agreed-upon official chain of command. This is a flawed interpretation which will serve you poorly; the informal ""Leader-of-the-Pack""/""Best-Mate"" leadership model, which is natural to small voluntary human social groups, should be your goal. # Forget Star Trek, the Army, and adult supervision The military/Star-Trek-style, formal chain-of-command view of leadership *is actually deeply blue-pill*, because the leader is *appointed* by some higher external authority (admiral; Star Fleet headquarters; teacher; Bible), or elected or negotiated (which means that it can be withdrawn or renegotiated), and often ends up with a beta or inferior man in charge. (Have you ever wondered why so many red-blooded ex-military/police show up here with deeply blue-pill ideas and behavior and failing marriages? Now you know why!) Formal, chain-of-command leadership is unnatural, inefficient, demotivating, and an ongoing source of conflict and resentment in small, voluntary or informal social groups (such as families; small gangs; groups of friends; pickup sports teams). In such groups, the leader emerges organically, based on his superior ""alpha"" and social traits. The leader is never formally voted on or declared, but everybody in the group knows who the true leader is and defers to him, his vision, plans, decisions, and judgments. This is informal ""Leader of the Pack"" or ""pirate captain"" leadership, with voluntary followers inspired by the implicit ""captain"" and his vision. If well led, small groups of inspired and motivated followers are generally much more productive, harmonious, cohesive, and happier than formally structured organizations. In such groups, a ""right-hand man"" or ""best mate"" often emerges with whom the leader preferentially takes counsel, delegates secondary leadership, and entrusts to represent him or lead when he's away. The ""best mate"" *earns* this trust and role by being the most loyal, dedicated, diligent, and capable follower fully committed to the leader's vision and mission. This is the informal ""first officer"" role that you want your wife to spontaneously and willingly take up. # Becoming the Leader of your Pack Leadership of the pack is never negotiated or discussed, but is simply *claimed* by the actions and behavior [(not words; don't do *this*)](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/9gsz6v/own_your_shit_weekly_september_18_2018/e67pxep/) of the ""alpha"". If you have to negotiate being the captain, **you aren't a real captain.** > [Think about it, if she has to approve it, it means she is still leading. Leading is not achieved with verbal arguments so she recognizes your leadership.](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/308j0b/how_to_lead_a_wife_that_doesnt_let_you/) [This excellent post](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/308j0b/how_to_lead_a_wife_that_doesnt_let_you/) by /u/strategos_autokrator describes how to become the leader of your pack: > Leaders don’t need permission to lead. They just lead, period. Those that like your vision follow willingly. Those that don’t, well, they are useless to your vision, so you won't miss them when they stay behind. It is that laser-beam focus of the vision of the leader and doing whatever it takes to get to the goal that inspires others to follow. Thinking others have to follow so you can lead is having it all backwards, and this backward thinking is *why she doesn’t trust you to lead.* Don't negotiate or discuss ""who's the captain"" with your wife; just **be** the superior productive, effective and charismatic leader of your pack, and she will likely follow and happily assume the ""first/best mate"" role over time. *** For you hopeless Star Trek nerds, Khan, not Picard, is your model. ",,66,man_in_the_world,2018-09-20 14:13:20 marriedredpill,9h6uux,FR--Woman's Post on DeadBedrooms Confirms EVERYTHING We're Working Towards Here in MRP,"I still check in at the DeadBedrooms forum every once in a while, mostly because I find it interesting to compare what's going on there (mostly whining and commiserating with no real process) with the higher levels of knowledge and actual plans for improvement we have here in MRP. This week in DB a poster using a throwaway account (so take its authenticity for what you will) has been posting about how she and her husband, both in their early forties and married for 15 years (together for 20) had no sex for the past five years because the guy became a fat slob and didn't own his shit around the house--left piles of dishes, let his hygiene go, got out of shape--and she ""lost sexual attraction towards him"" and ""started to think he was gross,"" so she didn't want to have sex with him anymore. Then this guy pulled a full beta and gave up on initiating with her. Over the past year, she reports, this guy has changed (sounds like maybe he has found and been following the MRP protocol!): he's exercising, dressing better, grooming better, ""he seems generally overall happier with himself and it shows in his interactions with \[the wife\] and everyone else,"" (frame, bitches!), he doesn't sit around drinking beer but instead goes and does fun shit with his friends ""quite a lot nowadays"" (all leading to him now Being Attractive), and his bad behaviors ""have disappeared"" (leading to him Not Being Unattractive). Then this wife found out (by snooping in his phone) that her husband had been posting in the DB sub and started worrying that he was having an affair (Dread, bitches!). And lo and behold, now that he has made all these improvements and she worries that he could replace her, she wants to fuck him again! She says, ""Through the mixture of generally bettering himself, me being jealous he might cheating and him reinforcing how much he still loves me even after I put him through 5 years of feeling inadequate have brought back my attraction to him, in full force."" Holy shit, that's MRP in action and a nutshell all right there. Dude in a no-sex marriage improves himself and raises his SMV, he develops frame, he is attractive and is no longer unattractive, wife gets Dread, wife magically gets tingles and wants sex now! You can see her original post here: [https://www.reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/comments/9gj8h9/ll\_wife\_here\_ready\_to\_revive\_my\_deadbedroom/](https://www.reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/comments/9gj8h9/ll_wife_here_ready_to_revive_my_deadbedroom/) And this morning she posted a follow-up where she says that she gave the husband a spontaneous, unsolicited BJ last night: [https://www.reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/comments/9h4hp2/update\_ll\_wife\_here\_ready\_to\_revive\_my\_deadbedroom/](https://www.reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/comments/9h4hp2/update_ll_wife_here_ready_to_revive_my_deadbedroom/) DISCLAIMER: Again, this is posted on DB from a throwaway account, so it's always possible that the posts are from a troll or even a plant from some red-pill guy (or anti-redpill guy) looking to make it a commentary on RP methodologies, because it fits our praexology so well. On the other hand, it's also possible that the post is real (she never explicitly mentions RP), and even possible that the husband in this relationship is reading MRP right now. Until proven otherwise, I'm willing to accept it at face value for what it's worth--possible real-world confirmation that the stuff prescribed by MRP works. EDIT: One more important point I wanted to make--in the original post, this wife frames herself as ""LL"" (low libido), the term used in DB for the partner with the lower desire for sex. However, her recent turnaround also shows that it's not that she had no desire for SEX, she just didn't have desire to have sex WITH HIM. Her libido itself didn't go away, it just didn't apply to him when he was a fat, irresponsible slob; now that he's in shape and owning his shit, her ""low libido"" has turned into her posting on DB as to how she can revive their sex life and giving him unsolicited BJs while watching TV.",,90,Reject444,2018-09-19 16:51:43 marriedredpill,9h8uy3,Gents : Your competition,"Found [this](https://imgur.com/a/lzeNcpi) gem on a social media post from female urologist. These girls are smart and well off given their field of work. Take a close look. What do you see? I see fear of inadequacy. I see an artificial need to put down men to make their own achievement seem even more impressive. This is your competition. This is what goes through a woman’s mind when she compares herself to a man. Take it for what it is - I’m not here bashing women. I’m showing you how much dread and fear they live with. Even the very successful ones. Use that information to check your own thought process in interacting with women. They never do grow out of needing to feel like what they do matters more because they are competing with men in a competitive environment. Use this how you will. Your girl fears you. Will she fear and respect or fear and try to take you down ? That’s up to you. She’s just a girl. [hard work ](https://imgur.com/a/lzeNcpi)",,24,Taipanshimshon,2018-09-19 20:41:05 marriedredpill,9h5920,"Redpill is Amoral: history lesson, Why I disowned my daughter.","The original http://archive.is/pwaXs the rebuttal https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/4tjjjm/ive_disowned_my_daughter/d5hyh6t/ I'll spare too much controversy, other than to provide a gentle reminder. the reason RP is amoral isn't because we are training sociopaths, or condoning satanism etc. It's because shouting morality at people making decisions within morally ambiguous frameworks removes any chance of insight into the human condition, and any chance at learning through the mistakes of others. Or, heaven forbid, learning that our own moral compass doesn't point to true north as we thought. when santa starts flying home, don't get mad because you think he's going the wrong way. I'll forever shit over TRADCONS, and betabux looking to make their impotence a virtue, because I value shit like this too much. Also, a bit of a primer, if no one knows who trudatness is, he's the only guy that I can recall who had his flair removed, and had one of the more epic modmail freakouts I had ever seen. I'm sure he's fine now, but when he was ass deep in this, his ego investment was huge. Also, shoutout to ex_addict_bro, who next to the_litz, has been the MAP I've learned the most from. If I had unilateral ability to make the tone of a sub hit certain notes, this double header of posts would be it's antithesis. For the new guys, enjoy.",,19,Rian_Stone,2018-09-19 13:42:24 marriedredpill,9gwkwu,The Stratosphere,"Living life from the stratosphere is amazing..... Male hypergamy is amazing...... On a long enough timeline, the survival rate of every relationship is zero. The goal of every relationship should be to provide no more value than you extract. The only relationship worth investing your entire heart, mind, soul, love and time into is the relationship with yourself. Second to that is the relationship with your children. Everything else is mental masturbation and a waste of your time. My divorce has completely changed how I view the world and relationships in general. Perhaps I was always like this, perhaps my eyes were closed. Maybe this is Red Pill v3? I have no idea. We talk so much on here about sex, and how we extract that from women. Where I am on my journey is so far past that, women and sex do not even register on my radar anymore. Do you think about air? No. Why is that? Because it is everywhere, there is nothing you need to do beyond having a properly operating Medulla to breathe. I would argue that my journey has gotten to the point where I now classify women as air. I do not think about them. If I want to fuck, I fuck. If I need more fucking, well I just go and do that, just like if I need more air to breathe due to exercise or whatever, my Medulla takes care of that for me. The analogy ends where I actually need air to live, where I do not need women to live. But again, I am not the best writer or analogy dude so you get the fucking point. I have a wife and a girlfriend. They both know about each other. They both fully understand their roles in my ecosystem and have come to understand that. My wife is an excellent mother. My girlfriend is an excellent girlfriend. This is how man was designed to operate. Someone to help with child rearing and someone to suck your eyes thru your pee hole. I do not believe for one second that this type of male hypergamy can be fulfilled by a single woman, anymore than female hypergamy can be filled by a single man. Where I have changed is that: I am no longer willing to accept anything less than 100% of what I want out of life. No more compromises, no more maybes, no more half assed attempts. If you do not fit into my bucket, there is someone else who will be happy to try. My life used to be structured this way, and it pains me to even write this for you all to see: Wife, kids, me It is now: Me, kids Yep, I put myself ahead of my kids. Why? Because I have learned that the only way to give them the life I want, is to be the BEST I can be. Does this mean I eat and they starve? Absolutely not. What it means, is that I will no longer allow anyone to get in the way of what I want from life. No passive-aggressive wife telling me ""no, don't do that"" or my own inner monologue saying ""don't take that risk, you have kids to feed"" Fuck all that non-sense. Go big or go home. If you fail, well fall back onto your backup plan. Have the balls to do it. Have the balls to burn it all down. What the fuck have I burned down anyway? Not a fucking thing of ANY value. And that brothers, is what hurts the fucking most. The debilitating fear of ""burning it down"" Motherfucker, if you are having these thoughts - that shit is already fucking ashes. What you are really saying is ""I am afraid to do the fucking work"" That is right, I just called a bunch of you out. Are you afraid to burn it down, or do the fucking work? Are you still thinking in term of sex, or are you transcending past that? Don't be ashamed. These are new revelations for myself as well. All in the past 90 days. I am your Tyler Durden. You are not burning shit down. You are building a new you. Get to fucking work.",,38,red-sfpplus,2018-09-18 16:54:27 marriedredpill,9gr34t,Latin Dance Lessons AKA “Alpha Dog School”," I stumbled into something that has been a great parallel to TRP for me as I develop and understand myself in an alpha role. It’s a natural fit with TRP and something I’d recommend to a guy trying to pull out of a LTR’s frame and build his own own or a bloke wanting to learn to stop being a beta faggot and learn TRP. Latin Dance. Some background. I grew up in a conservative christian home. Our church taught that dancing was sin and so I never learned how to dance. I did dance shittily at both my weddings per tradition, but always had the thought it would be fun to actually learn to properly dance in the back of my mind. Fast forward I’m now 38, reading MRP books etc and I decide to try dancing. I text an old buddy who owned a dance company about what to try and he says, “Salsa”. In May I went to my first class, took the wife with. My first class was in May and I did a few on and off till the end of June. July to now I’ve made it a regular thing every week. I currently do a salsa and bachata class every Sunday. I really think it should be a close second to lifting on a mans TRP journey. STFU, Lift and dance fuckers... Some circumstances that I’ve experienced that I would recommend you seek out: 1. You want a class where partners are switched throughout, ie you don’t want the old couples class. 2. You want the beginners class. 3. My wife has joined me about 4 times, I go weather she wants to or not. I have the same amount of fun if she’s there or not. 4. Most importantly you have to be willing to learn and grow. Here’s why this has been so good for my journey (and probably useful for yours): 1. If like the most men you don’t know how to formally dance with a partner (flailing like a retard on the dance floor does not count) this will be a solid challenge. Especially if like me you have the rhythm of a retard cave dweller, this is a solid starting from zero skill builder and an opportunity to challenge yourself to learn a new skill. For me it has been a full step out of my little box. Don’t be afraid to start with a beginner class. You’ll likely suck at first and that’s part of the charm in the future. 2. You’ll learn how to move your body in a light, fun and sexual way. Latin dance is a sexual interplay between the partners. It is built around concepts of tension, leadership, submission, display and fun. As a man who is by default the “lead” you have to display some confidence in your body as you move. 3. You’ll learn how to “lead” a female partner in a light, fun and sexual way. So as your learning to move and be light, fun and sexual in your body you’re going to be learning how to lead the female “follow” in how you want her to be light, fun and sexual. This is the most relevant to leading your family as it gets. You properly cue the follow and she spins, shakes her ass etc it’s up to you. 4. You’ll get comfortable with being close to multiple women, some are gonna be hotter than you think you can close. Yes there are a few HB2/3s that’ll want to do this but ur also gonna get a lot of HB7+ that are there too. You’re going to have to touch them, talk to them, make them laugh etc. They’re essentially a captive audience for as long as you’re dancing together. Unless you’re being a giant douche creep, it’s just you and her for a few minutes and you gotta do something. Also you don’t have to close a single one one. Building DNGAF in this circumstance is pretty fuckin easy. I have been nervous around women my whole life, this has changed a lot. 5. The women there are l trying to learn how to follow a man’s lead. I was clumsily dancing with one HB7.5 and she literally said “I’m trying to learn how to follow”. Every woman there is looking for a lead partner to follow. Think on this a bit. 6. Dread game 101. Basically it’s all there. You’re out doing something you choose, there is guaranteed to be women there, your gonna have fun etc. ",,76,suprathepeg,2018-09-18 03:03:14 marriedredpill,9gpbj9,FR: Go All In,"Late 40s. Married over 20 years. 2 kids at home youngest is 17 TR;DL: If you're thinking of implementing MRP, go all in. &#x200B; If you want some ideas on how to avoid completely swallowing the red pill, I'm your man. I've rubbed it, snorted it, gargled it, and tried to use it as a suppository. I think one of the reasons I rode the fence so long was I was getting sex 1-2 times a week. Also, since 2015, I've added anal, bondage, etc to the sex menu. I'd cycle between nice guy, then asshole if I was 'wronged'. I could see the path I was on; all the while using my wife as a scapegoat.  Basically I'm a passive aggressive bitch, beta to the core, who gets angry and sulks when I don't get my way. I was heading towards some grumpy dad sitcom character. I cringe when I think about how I dealt with my wife and my kids. In order to avoid conflict, I'd waffle on most things. Had some WTF moments before MRP in 2010.  1. I had a couple small health issues and took a bunch of sh!t. I was thinking ""in sickness and in health, ya right"".  2. Around the same time as my minor health issues, I had a drop in revenue in my small business. I reeled in spending, hardcore. My wife was absolutely wild that I was ""taking things away"" from her, ""making her life harder"", etc, etc. She was like this for months until she adjusted to the new reality. This one particularly hit me hard. I remembered saying to her, ""All I am to you is a walking wallet."" By 2014, I had revenue back to pre-recession levels I didn't tell her and I didn't spend like I did before. I kept things tight money wise.  3. My wife has a sense of duty and pre-established male/female roles. Thank goodness for me, a wife's duty is sex with her husband. During a weekly starfish-obligatory-every-position-hurts-when-will-you-be-done-sex I had finally had enough. She was doggie style and kept pushing her ass back giving me no room to stroke. I got mad and just pounded her forward so hard she couldn't push back. She responded amazingly. I was caught up in the passion and for some reason I pulled her hair, hard. She stifled a yell ""finally!"". (Kids in the house.) When I asked her afterwards what she meant she clammed up.    These instances made me think, what the f&ck am I doing? I'm naturally a happy guy but resolved to handle my wife with disdain. It seemed like whenever I treated her poorly, she'd treat me well. WTF? So against my normal SOP, I became an asshole. As soon as I'd let asshole go away, complaining would come back.  &#x200B; Years later, I found MRP through a search on complaining wife. It wasn't the first result because all the top results were ""bring her flowers"", ""learn her love language"", ""jump through even more hoops"", blah, blah, blah.  When I first started reading MRP, I thought, ""These guys are a bunch of cult assholes."" However, quite a few stories really resonated with me. So I cherry picked the advise in askMRP, MRP, and the books on the sidebar. In other words, I did not internalize the books in the sidebar. I'd read the material but not while fully engaged. I read to finish reading. I'd work one aspect. Then, I'd have some success because I 'fixed it', then back off. I was on the slooow drip progression plan. &#x200B; Then, I decided to go all in and took the full prescription. Lifting, re-reading sidebar, STFU in September 2017.  &#x200B; Transformation Lifting is one of the things I thought I could skip. I was in fairly good shape doing Crossfit type workouts 4-5 days a week. I joined a gym and I'm on a muscle building program. My lifting stats for 5 reps: DL 255, BP 205, OHP 120. Little things like opening jars, putting luggage in overhead compartment, and moving furniture around are so much easier. Lifting is something I really enjoy now. I can't stress enough the benefits of lifting.  &#x200B; Since Sept 2017, its been a very slow journey. AA, AM, and frame is still weak. I always think of things to say 15 minutes after. The biggest tool and BY FAR the most effective is STFU. A recent example: we were working on a rental house and I asked her to vacuum. ""I can't."" ""You should've told me before."" ""I asked you about this before you did X."" Blah, blah, blah. All the while I just continued what I was doing. I went to go do it the next day and guess what? It was already done.  &#x200B; Dread is very effective in my relationship. We went to an event and only by coincidence a super pretty 25-30 year old sat right next to me. She started asking me questions while wife was sitting on the other side of me; unable to hear the conversation. Let me be clear, there was no pickup artistry or effort on my part at all. It was s total fluke. Later, my wife said nothing but did I ever get laid that night, wow.  &#x200B; I track cycles using Clue app. I didn't have the wherewithal to connect period to grumpiness early on but its not an issue anymore. It seems like the relationship has shifted (like a massive cruiseliner turning 180 degrees) from me in a hamster wheel trying to make her happy to her working on making me happy. I struggle with lots but I'm a slow burn kind of guy. Over the last year I've really worked at cutting my covert contracts and validation seeking. I reset daily, although its a struggle. I have a long way to go and my journey will not end. I'm simply going to continue plodding away. The reality is: there are so many nuances and subtleties to MRP, its taken me time to wrap my head around it. MRP is one of those things you have to simply start. Put one foot in front of the other. I made and continue to make tons of mistakes. After a year, I can say, my home life is much, MUCH better.  &#x200B; After reading MRP posts for a year, I have to give a HUGE thanks to mods. As stated, I thought they were a bunch of pricks. I've come to know they are super caring, tough love guys who are trying to save us dumb asses. Hats off to you guys.  &#x200B; Edit for formatting.",,90,DJiamuzak,2018-09-17 23:10:00 marriedredpill,9gsz6v,"Own Your Shit Weekly - September 18, 2018","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit. ",,15,AutoModerator,2018-09-18 08:25:27 marriedredpill,9geh6k,The Golden Ticket,"Essay: https://therationalmale.com/2018/09/16/the-golden-ticket/ Excerpt: Imagine, if you will, that you buy a lottery ticket and you win. After taxes the payoff is $2 million. Not an exorbitant amount by today’s standards, but still quite a lot of money for the average paycheck to paycheck person. For some it may be what could be described as Fuck You Money, easily enough for most people to retire on very comfortably. How would this newfound fortune change your life? How would it change your family and your friend’s dealing with you? Would they be happy for you? Maybe jealous? Would you be able to manage the changes in your daily routine? If you were accustomed to one lifestyle and then switched to a more affluent lifestyle would it be a good change? Or would you become someone else? Now lets say you could possibly win $100 million if you made an almost certain bet. There were still some risks involved, but nothing that would threaten your life in the short term. How would winning this kind of money reflect on your daily routine? Would it be different than your winning $2 million? Money would cease to be an object for you for the rest of your life and likely the lives of your children, maybe even grandchildren and all you really had to do was make a smart bet that you believed would pay off. What if you only won $1 million or $500,000, but you were only making $36,000 a year and scraping by the best you could? Again, all you have to do is look for the best opportunity to make a short term sacrifice and the money would be yours. Would you compromise your ‘principles’ (assuming you have any) temporarily to change your life in the long term more significantly? Imagine you had a Golden Ticket that had a potential to win you $70,000 per year or if you played things right it had the potential to earn you $10 million per year if you were wise enough to capitalize on it. How would that change your outlook on life? What rationales would that prompt you to in order to reconcile that other people might not have the same potential for cashing in –without really earning it – that you do?",,31,Rollo-Tomassi,2018-09-16 21:44:14 marriedredpill,9g68g0,How to Bang Your Wife - Rian Stone [Youtube video],"The Charlton Heston of MRP himself, Rian Stone at #21CON last year, first public preview of his full speech. &#x200B; [https://youtu.be/6SGBohzHLyA](https://youtu.be/6SGBohzHLyA) &#x200B; Its had a very strong response on our channel. To support the content, 21S, and Rian smash the like button and leave a comment on it. &#x200B; The full speech is at 21 University which is free to join for a month, see Rian's post history for a link. If you want to AMOG Rian in person in a few weeks we also have 7 tickets left to 21CON where he will be a featured speaker of 21 over the course of 4 days, or 5 counting the new bonus day on Monday. &#x200B; The full presentation will eventually drop for free on YouTube (this year).",,44,Dream_21,2018-09-16 00:03:50 marriedredpill,9g4edy,Other common MRP acronyms,"Not all acronyms are listed at the sidebar URL -- [[Link Here]](https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2zckqu/updated_glossary_of_terms_and_acronyms/) This document exists so that people who haven't looked up the basics get banned. ---- Other common acronyms that are used at MRP include: * **A&A** - Agree and Amplify * **AM** - Amused Mastery. * **BF%** - Body Fat Percentage * **Dancing Monkey** - A reference to this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/74yepr/the_dancing_monkey_attraction_improvement/). * **DEER** - [Defend, explain, excuse, rationalize.](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/53ozx7/mrp_99_remedial_mrp_the_basics_of_deer/) * **Faggot** - You, the one in the mirror. * **LARP** - Dork term meaning Live Action Role-playing. You are going through the motions, but not internalizing the concepts, and giving a built-in excuse for failure. * **Rambo** - Seeing everything before you as a threat or some type of disrespect that requires an immediate or aggressive response. Sufferers of Rambo syndrome really just come off as butt hurt assholes and not anywhere close to alpha. Read through the comments for other terminology that may not be listed. ---- Feel free to post questions on other acronyms in this thread. ",,20,[deleted],2018-09-15 19:51:37 marriedredpill,9fkvne,How to Smell Amazing: A Man's Guide to Buying and Wearing Cologne,"I have recently discovered that I really enjoy wearing cologne. Cologne is something that many people enjoy wearing, although obviously there are some who don’t care for it at all. But there are tons of choices out there today, and many of them are somewhat pricey. So I thought I would share what I’ve learned so far. &#x200B; While many women pass down this knowledge from mother to daughter, most of the time no one teaches men about fragrances. Mothers often take their daughters perfume shopping. It is rare for a father to do the same. The lack of knowledge and openness about fragrances pushes many men to choose between two bad options. First, play it safe and wear nothing. Second, wear something light and clean, so that you don't offend anyone. &#x200B; Smell is the greatest memory trigger we humans have. Sniff the shirt you wore last night and memories of a great evening out floods your brain. Roll over to the other side of the bed and smell the pillow where your partner slept and you may catch yourself smiling. In short, fragrances capture memories. They do more than that, however. The cologne you wear communicates to those around you who you are. &#x200B; I'm sure you've already heard tons of advice about cologne. The one I hear most often is that men should wear perfume that girls like. Sales associates often tell me to get this or that juice because it's a best seller or popular with the girls. There is, however, a tiny problem: it doesn't work. Here's why: &#x200B; * First, no guy has ever gotten a girl just because he smells good. A good scent might improve your chances by say 10%, but that's about it. &#x200B; * Second, reeking of cologne that every other guy is wearing smells of desperation. Trying too hard repels any woman faster than you can spritz some more Sauvage on you. &#x200B; The one piece of advice you need to forget right now is to buy a fragrance just because someone else likes it. Here's what you should remember: **the only person you wear perfume for is you.** Your scent should say something about you. This is why you wear something you like, just for you. &#x200B; **“But Chuck, what if no one else like it on me""?** When someone tells you they don't like your fragrance, they usually mean any of these three things: &#x200B; **1. They may not like a certain note in it.** If someone doesn't like the smell of vanilla, they won't like any vanilla perfume, not just yours. It's not that it is a bad scent, it is just that they don't like that note. (I personally don’t care for vanilla in a cologne) &#x200B; **2. They may not like it on you.** This is usually the case when your fragrance doesn't match any or all of the three: your style, age, or the occasion. If you are a hardened biker dude, wearing a light floral scent would make you the butt of countless jokes. It's not that the scent is bad, it just doesn't fit your cultivated image. &#x200B; **3. You put on too much of it.** This is probably the main reason why people tell you they don't like your juice. Putting on a fragrance is like putting spices in your food. You want to put just enough to give it a nice flavor but not too much to overpower the dish. &#x200B; Cologne is the same way: you want to put just enough to enhance your image, not to overtake it. You want people to notice you, not your cologne. ------------------------------- &#x200B; Now let’s talk about the terms used when discussing fragrances – knowing these can be very helpful for finding exactly what you want: &#x200B; #**Notes** Simply put, a note is like an ingredient. Notes are divided into three categories or levels: top (or opening), middle (or heart) and base (or bottom) notes. The combination of all these notes together is known as the “accord.” &#x200B; **Opening notes** Top notes, or the opening notes, are the first notes you smell when trying a fragrance, so they are the ones that shape your first impressions of a scent. These often fresh, fruity scents are usually light and burst on your skin as you spray, fading 10-15 minutes after applying. How many times have you tested a fragrance only to be turned off right away? Why? Because the top notes didn't make a lasting impression on you. It is hugely important that the top notes not only succeed at luring you in, but also smoothly transition into the heart of the fragrance. *Popular top notes include bergamot, orange, grapefruit, lemon, and basil.* &#x200B; **Heart notes** The middle notes, or the heart notes, make an appearance once the top notes evaporate. The middle notes are considered the heart of the fragrance. These notes form the core of the fragrance. They last longer than the top notes and have a strong influence on the base notes to come. A perfume's heart is generally pleasant and well-rounded. It is often a smooth combination of floral or fruit tones; sometimes infused with spices like cinnamon, nutmeg or cardamom. *Popular heart notes include lavender, rosemary, black pepper, geranium, and juniper.* &#x200B; **Base notes** The base (or bottom) notes are the final fragrance notes that appear once the top notes are completely evaporated. It is these notes that you remember most and that help create a memory in your mind, the lasting impression. The base notes mingle with the heart notes to create the full body of the fragrance. &#x200B; These often rich notes linger on the skin for hours after the top notes have dissipated, but are typically associated with the **dry-down period** - that final stage of wear, when the top and middle notes give way to the base note. The amount of time it takes to reach the dry-down—and how the dry-down will smell—is unique to every individual, which is why the same perfume might smell different on you than it does on others. *Popular base notes include vanilla, sandalwood, cedarwood, jasmine, and patchouli.* ----------------------------------- &#x200B; Next, let’s look at the different concentrations of fragrances available. Keep in mind that although I’m mostly writing about men’s fragrances, these descriptions apply to fragrances for the ladies as well. &#x200B; **Eau Fraiche** - Usually contains about 1-3% essential oil, making it the lowest of all available fragrances. The term Eau Fraiche translates to fresh water. It doesn’t last as long on the skin but is still very popular, especially among those who cannot afford the often-prohibitive cost of true perfume. &#x200B; **Eau de Cologne (or just ""Cologne"") - EDC** - 2-5% perfume oils. Top notes will be the most prominent, and the scents themselves will last only a few hours. These are usually the least expensive as well. &#x200B; *Important to note here that when we use the term* **“cologne,”** *this is often a generic term for men’s fragrances and does not necessarily refer to Eau de Cologne.* &#x200B; **Eau de Toilette (EDT)** – (pronounced ""twɑˈlet"") Toilette was the name given to the ensemble worn by the French aristocracy in the courts of the 18th century, which eventually came to mean the process of preparing oneself for polite company. Eau de Toilette was a key part of this, splashed on the body or clothes for a more pleasant aroma. These days it usually contains around 5-10% essential oils, and can be reapplied throughout the day. &#x200B; **Eau de Parfum (EDP)** - 10-15% essential oils and can last five or more hours at a time on one application. Middle notes flourish here, as the scent has a greater longevity. Typically the strongest concentration you are likely to find at a conventional fragrance counter. &#x200B; **Pure Perfume (aka [Parfum or Extrait](http://archive.md/84F15))** - the finest, most expensive and strongest formulation available, with 25-40% essential oil content . Perfume has a significant depth of scent, can last a full day on one application and allows the wearer to experience all three levels of fragrance. It should be applied sparingly and, in contrast to its high concentration, is intended to be a far more subtle aromatic experience. &#x200B; *Keep in mind that when we use the term* **”perfume,”** *this is often a generic term for men's AND women’s fragrances and does not necessarily refer to pure Perfume.* &#x200B; *Also, these days there are no hard and fast rules here when it comes to concentration and strength. So you might find an EDT having more longevity than an EDP depending on which particular fragrance you buy. These are just general guidelines I've found helpful.* -------------------------------- &#x200B; A few other terms that are important are **Sillage, Projection and Longevity**. &#x200B; **Sillage** (pronounced “see-yazh”) is a French term that describes the ability of a scent to be smelled at a distance; the bigger the distance, the stronger sillage is. It is the “trail” that the scent leaves as you move, sometimes referred to as ""the sense of a person being present in the room after he or she has left"". ​&#x200B; **Projection** is sort of like your personal perfume cloud or aura — how far from your skin the perfume projects when you are standing still. ​&#x200B; **Longevity**, on the other hand, refers to how long a fragrance lasts on your skin once applied. Important to note here that due to evaporation, alcohol content and a number of other factors, a fragrance will smell slightly different over time, and this is part of the longevity factor as well. ​&#x200B; And the two don't necessarily correlate - sometimes we encounter fragrances with huge sillage and projection but short longevity, and vice versa. **Performance** is an objective measure of sillage, projection and longevity against the actual fragrance itself. ----------------------------------- &#x200B; #**How Much is Too Much?** One of the biggest mistakes you can make when it comes to cologne is over-spraying. You know a guy, or worse you are the guy, who announces his presence with his cologne. He’s the guy whose cologne gets there ten minutes before he does, and EVERYONE knows when he’s arrived. &#x200B; Even if your cologne smells great, you don't want **everyone** to smell it. It's tacky and shows ignorance about cologne, style and social manners in general. This can be tough because it is hard for you, as the wearer, to tell whether you've put on too much cologne. &#x200B; **Here's what you can do:** * Start with one spray and see for how long you can smell it on yourself. If you can barely detect it within 30 minutes, then you can allow yourself to put some more. * Ideally, on the following day put on two sprays. If you can smell it comfortably (i.e. it doesn't make you choke or feel uncomfortable) within 30 minutes, then this may be the right amount to put on. * Remember that you, as the wearer, can smell your cologne less than other people can. The reason is that you get used to it – your nose gets desensitized. This is why others can detect it at much smaller amounts. * If, within half an hour of putting it on, you can smell your cologne by moving around without it overwhelming you, you've put on the right amount. *2 sprays is a good amount to use for most fragrances starting out. ------------------------------- &#x200B; #**HOW NOT TO APPLY COLOGNE** Applying cologne is simple but people have made it complicated. Let's start with some of the more popular bad pieces of advice on how to apply cologne: &#x200B; **1. Walk Through the Mist** In theory, applying fragrance this way works. You spray your perfume in the air and you walk through the mist. The fragrance mist will stick to your body, clothes and hair distributed evenly. The only problem with this advice of applying fragrance is that it doesn't work. You end up wasting it. &#x200B; **2. The Aftershave Approach** You pour a small amount in your palm and you slap it on your cheeks and neck. For unknown reasons, someone decided that the most manly way to apply perfume is by slapping it on your face. Unlike walking through the mist, slapping cologne on your face and neck works but it has some adverse unintended consequences. &#x200B; Since perfume is usually a lot stronger than any aftershave, your palm ends up reeking of your cologne. That on its own is not a bad thing... until you have to shake someone's hand. Having your hands smell of another guy's cologne, no matter how good it is, makes you wonder what else he has transferred over. Did he wash his hands when he went to the bathroom? How many times has he washed his hands since he applied this cologne that his palm still smells? &#x200B; **3. Rub and Dab** The rub and dab is another approach to applying fragrance. You spray some on one of your wrists, rub your two wrists together and then you rub your wrists on your neck or behind your ears. Rubbing your fragrance changes the distribution and the evaporation rate, and the scent doesn't develop as it should. You end up destroying the Top notes and blunting the Middle notes somewhat as well. ----- &#x200B; #**THE RIGHT WAY TO PUT ON COLOGNE** It's really quite simple: spray directly on your skin and you are done. It's that simple but there is a trick to it. The tricky part applying cologne is not how you put it on but where you put it on. The human body has certain areas that are naturally warmer, called hot spots. These are usually places where you can feel your pulse (neck, wrists, the inside of your elbow, etc.). Since warmth helps fragrance develop better, it makes sense to apply your cologne on those areas. &#x200B; Through experience I found out that if there is only one spot you want to put on cologne, it is your chest. When you spray there, some of the perfume rubs off on your undershirt and the smell ends up lasting longer. The chest area is also warm, which helps your cologne bloom more if you were to spray it on your forearm. ------------------------------- &#x200B; #**HOW TO FIND “YOUR SCENT”** If you’ve never really given this much thought, then a good place to start is the [Fragrantica](https://www.fragrantica.com/) website. You can search by name, Notes, etc. If you know some fragrances you already like, you can enter each of them in the search bar, go to the page, and there will be a section on that page suggesting similar fragrances. &#x200B; There’s also a page on Fragrantica called [What fragrance do women love on guys?](https://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:73P6IX-IZZ0J:https://www.fragrantica.com/board/viewtopic.php%3Fid%3D194409%26show%3Dall+&cd=1&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us&client=ms-android-hms-tmobile-us) that has comments suggesting a ton of popular fragrances that women tend to like. **Not that you would be buying a fragrance to impress anybody, and you may not like any of the suggested ones in this list, but it’s a nice start.* &#x200B; There’s also the [Fragrance Wheel](http://archive.md/PI49Z), which is another breakdown by Notes to help you understand what kind of fragrance suits you best. &#x200B; In addition, Fragrantica has their [Fragrantica Awards Voting](https://www.fragrantica.com/awards) section, which shows the most popular selections based on votes by Fragrantica members. Some good ideas there. &#x200B; Ultimately though, you’ll have to go and try some out and see what works on **YOU**. Everybody’s body chemistry is different, so that cologne that smells amazing on your friend may smell funky on you. So go to a Perfume Store, or a Fragrance Counter at your local department store like Macy’s. If you know what kind of scent you’re looking for, give them the info you have so they can help you find something that fits you. If you haven’t done your research and just want to get your feet wet, ask them for some suggestions. They will spray different colognes on slips of paper for you to smell. Make sure you don’t touch the paper with your nose, otherwise it will color the rest of the samples you smell. Also, any good perfume counter will have a small jar of coffee beans available – you smell these in between each sample, and it “clears and refreshes” your nose to separate the scents. Otherwise, they all start to blend together after a while. &#x200B; **IMPORTANT** - Once you have settled on a fragrance you like, ask them to spray it on you. Give it ten or fifteen minutes, walk around, and really get an idea of what it smells like on you. Then ask for a sample and try it out for a couple days before committing to a purchase. Not a big deal if you’re buying something relatively inexpensive, but when you’re buying a bottle that’s on the pricey end, you want to make sure you don’t change your mind on how much you like it after you’ve worn it for a couple days (ask me how I know). Then go back and get a bottle if it passes the test for you. &#x200B; I’ve been doing this for about 3 years now, and I’ve got about 10 different fragrances, ranging from inexpensive to fairly pricey, that I wear pretty much every day. &#x200B; I almost never leave the house without applying some, because I like to smell good. **Unless I’m going to the gym – don’t be that guy.** &#x200B; **Bonus:** If you want to try out some high-priced colognes, then head on over to the [Frag Splits](https://www.reddit.com/r/fragsplits/new/) Reddit page. There you will find people who have made a hobby out of taking an expensive bottle of top end cologne (usually in the $300-500 range) and splitting it up into small bottles that you can buy for $20-50, including shipping. A great option to be able to try some fragrances that would be out of many people's price range! ----- &#x200B; #**Edit #2** **Things I've discovered since the original post**: there are scents for men, scents for women, and there are also **Unisex scents**. Some of the unisex ones are quite nice, but most lean to the feminine side. I found out the hard way that I don't really care for unisex scents much (except for Creed Millésime Impérial), they smell like something a girl would wear. So I gave those to my wife. She especially likes the **Tom Ford Ombre de Hyacinth**, of which I won a 5 ml decant in a giveaway on Reddit. &#x200B; At least I bought decants instead of full bottles - that's why I do it this way. So I learned something, and I'm still learning. I have at least 20 or 30 more scents that I want to try. I have found that almost everything by Creed I've tried is awesome so far. Tom Ford's scents for men are pretty great too, but most of the unisex ones are not for me. And Azzaro makes some of my favorite scents as well. &#x200B; **Also, if you're buying online, especially Ebay, watch out for fakes.** [Here's a great article on BaseNotes that gives tips on how to spot fakes](http://www.basenotes.net/threads/207722-How-to-spot-Fake-Cologne-and-Perfume-on-eBay) when shopping online. Not as big an issue if you're buying relatively inexpensive stuff, but when you're paying $300-$500 a bottle for the good stuff, make sure you're getting the real deal. ----- &#x200B; Here’s some of my personal favorites: * **[Terre d’Hermes EDP](https://www.fragrantica.com/perfume/Herm-s/Terre-d-Hermes-Parfum-8282.html)** – Citrus, woody, spicy. * **[David Beckam’s Instinct EDT](https://www.fragrantica.com/perfume/David-Beckham/Instinct-2772.html)** – very inexpensive, amazing scent, smells like nothing else out there. Citrus, aromatic, woody, warm spicy. * **[Acqua di Gio by Armani EDT](https://www.fragrantica.com/perfume/Giorgio-Armani/Acqua-di-Gio-410.html)** – The OG. A light, summery scent. My wife thinks this one is absolutely amazing, and it’s definitely stood the test of time. * **[Azzaro – Wanted By Night EDP](https://www.fragrantica.com/perfume/Azzaro/Wanted-by-Night-49144.html)** – Elegant, bold, classy and very strong. Woody, aromatic, spicy cinnamon scent. Lasts all day, 16 hours or more. I can only wear this in cooler weather, it would choke everyone out in the summer. This is my go-to fragrance for cloudy, rainy days. ----- &#x200B; #**Edit #1** So after getting a nice selection of decants since I posted this, here's an update with an additional list of what I like and don't like: &#x200B; **-----I LIKE THESE-----** **[Creed Bois du Portugal EDP](https://www.fragrantica.com/perfume/Creed/Bois-du-Portugal-3805.html)** - sweet, very fresh & pungent spice, reminds me of Christmas spice. Supposedly this was Frank Sinatra's signature scent. I bought a full bottle. **[Tom Ford for men EDP](https://www.fragrantica.com/perfume/Tom-Ford/Tom-Ford-for-Men-1172.html)** - smooth, clean, masculine - this would be a good ""interview"" cologne. **[Creed Aventus EDP](https://www.fragrantica.com/perfume/Creed/Aventus-9828.html)** - fresh, sweet, fruity but disappears to my nose after 15 min. **[Creed Green Irish Tweed EDP](https://www.fragrantica.com/perfume/Creed/Green-Irish-Tweed-474.html)** -my wife's favorite - smells like lemon and fresh cut grass. **[Azzaro Chrome EDT](https://www.fragrantica.com/perfume/Azzaro/Chrome-788.html)** - my wife loves this one too, it's bold, heady, warm, sweet - performance is awesome - 12-14 hrs on me. This is my favorite summer scent. **[Mont Blanc Legend for men EDT](https://www.fragrantica.com/perfume/Montblanc/Legend-11784.html)** - dark, warm, boozy, rum, spicy, sweet classic barbershop scent. **[Dior Homme Intense EDP](https://www.fragrantica.com/perfume/Christian-Dior/Dior-Homme-Intense-2011-13016.html)** - powdery, sweet, vanilla, fresh baby powder-type scent. My wife loves this one too, but I read that it's recently been reformulated and doesn't last like it used to. **[Tom Ford Italian Cypress EDP](https://www.fragrantica.com/perfume/Tom-Ford/Italian-Cypress-4329.html)** - sweet, minty, sharp, citrusy, unique; dries down to a spicy cinnamon-type scent - I've smelled nothing like this before. ~~This one is discontinued, but you can still find it online.~~ It has recently been re-released at an insane price. **[Creed Tabarome EDP](https://www.fragrantica.com/perfume/Creed/Tabarome-470.html)** - warm, cozy, comforting, gentlemanly scent - just wore this today for the first time, it smells very ""familiar"" but can't quite put my finger on why. Very classy scent. I bought a full bottle of this. **[Creed Millésime Impérial EDP](https://www.fragrantica.com/perfume/Creed/Mill-sime-Imp-rial-466.html)** - warm, cozy, gentlemanly scent as well. Classy. I bought a full bottle of this too. **[Creed Himalaya EDP](https://www.fragrantica.com/perfume/Creed/Himalaya-465.html)** - love this one, it smells like a winter version of Green Irish Tweed. My wife bought me a full bottle of this for Christmas, she loves it. **[Maison Margiela Replica By the Fireplace EDT](https://www.fragrantica.com/perfume/Maison-Martin-Margiela/By-the-Fireplace-31623.html)** - got a 25 ml decant of this, it's fantastic. Starts out smelling like roasting marshmallows over a campfire. After a couple of hours the smoky campfire smell fades and it smells like roasted marshmallows. This stuff lasts for days on my clothes too. I may buy a full bottle of this at some point. **[Gucci Envy for Men EDT](https://www.fragrantica.com/perfume/Gucci/Envy-for-Men-688.html)** - this one is discontinued, but you can still find it on Ebay. Recommended to me by my best friend. Awesome peppery, gingery scent. The closest comparison I can make is it smells *somewhat* similar to the original Tom Ford for Men. **[Amouage Jubilation XXV for Men EDP](https://www.fragrantica.com/perfume/Amouage/Jubilation-for-Men-2366.html)** - smells like incense, I feel like a king when I wear it. I bought a full bottle. **[Mugler Alien Man EDT](https://www.fragrantica.com/perfume/Mugler/Alien-Man-49503.html)** - has a 90's feel to it, but it's different than anything else I have. I got a sample of this, not sure if I want a full bottle. Lasts over 12 hours on me though. **[Mugler A*Men Pure Tonka EDT](https://www.fragrantica.com/perfume/Mugler/A-Men-Pure-Tonka-35590.html)** - This one is the sweetest one I've smelled yet. I like it - it reminds me of vanilla-flavored coffee. My wife sarcastically remarked that I smell like Starbucks, so I won't be buying a full bottle. **[Lalique Encre Noire A L'Extreme EDP](https://www.fragrantica.com/perfume/Lalique/Encre-Noire-A-L-Extreme-32356.html)** - love this, it smells very different from anything else. Earthy, rich, dark. Better and more potent than the original Encre Noire, but my wife doesn't care for it. ----- &#x200B; **-----I DON'T LIKE THESE-----** &#x200B; **[Viktor & Rolf Spicebomb EDT](https://www.fragrantica.com/perfume/Viktor-Rolf/Spicebomb-13857.html)** **[Viktor & Rolf Spicebomb Extreme EDP](https://www.fragrantica.com/perfume/Viktor-Rolf/Spicebomb-Extreme-30499.html)** - I actually had to wash this one off, it was so strong I could taste it. **[Prada l'Homme EDT](https://www.fragrantica.com/perfume/Prada/Prada-L-Homme-39029.html)** **[Jean Paul Gaultier le Male EDT](https://www.fragrantica.com/perfume/Jean-Paul-Gaultier/Le-Male-430.html)** - smells like Spicebomb to me **[David Beckham Intense Instinct EDT](https://www.fragrantica.com/perfume/David-Beckham/Intense-Instinct-2773.html)** **[Yves Saint Laurent La Nuit de L'Homme EDT](https://www.fragrantica.com/perfume/Yves-Saint-Laurent/La-Nuit-de-l-Homme-5521.html)** - smells somewhat similar to l'Homme. Longevity sucks on the current formulation, I got 3 hours and it was gone. Buy vintage (pre-2013) if you want this one. **[Eau Sauvage Parfum EDP](https://www.fragrantica.com/perfume/Christian-Dior/Eau-Sauvage-Parfum-14811.html)** - similar to Spicebomb, more smooth less intense, nice drydown. Of my ""didn't like's"", this one was right on the cusp. But there's too many others I really like. **[Yves Saint Laurent L'Homme EDT](https://www.fragrantica.com/perfume/Yves-Saint-Laurent/L-Homme-734.html)** - current formulation sucks, get 2016 or older if you want longevity (mine lasted 16 hours on me). **[Hermes Un Jardin Sur Le Nil EDT](https://www.fragrantica.com/perfume/Herm-s/Un-Jardin-Sur-Le-Nil-18.html)** - sour lime citrus. It's on the feminine side, and the longevity sucks. **[Guerlain L'Homme Ideal Cologne EDT](https://www.fragrantica.com/perfume/Guerlain/L-Homme-Ideal-25780.html)** - starts out somewhat similar to Azzaro Chrome, nice, sweet; dries down 30 minutes later to a soft, warm ordinary baby-powder scent. Decent, but not worth buying a full bottle. **[Creed Royal Oud EDP](https://www.fragrantica.com/perfume/Creed/Royal-Oud-12317.html)** - meh, on me this smells exactly like the incense they use in Catholic Church. **[Creed Original Santal EDP](https://www.fragrantica.com/perfume/Creed/Original-Santal-473.html)** - this one was okay, but nothing special, kinda boring. **[Mugler A*Men Pure Malt EDT](https://www.fragrantica.com/perfume/Mugler/A-Men-Pure-Malt-6103.html)** - meh, has a ""whiskey"" smell to it, and doesn't last very long.",,140,rocknrollchuck,2018-09-13 19:09:19 marriedredpill,9f94rz,“It’s like everything is always on your terms”,"So I’m sure there’s some work that needs to be done here. Let me know. I never was a full blown beta. my issue has been more of becoming a better captain and bettering my shitty life to a point where, of course I respect myself, but also my wife can do the same instead of treating me like a mother and constantly falling into her frame. I wanted those tables to turn. Me, to be a leader of her. And our family. She is a control freak and that often comes into conflict with things. She wants things done her way. I want them done mine. We would butt heads and argue about it. I wanted to more shift into her trusting me enough to know I know what’s best. And allow me to lead us to where we need to go. I know she wants this deep down also. I realize this all starts with me and ends with me. And that comes as a side effect. Started by shifting my focus off her and onto me. I know we stress having a mission here but you Reallllly can’t fucking get this shit without one. Once that falls into place I feel it makes things so much easier. It’s like walking around in the dark and suddenly you have a flash light. I started lifting 6 days a week. I found my mission. My purpose. Everything is starting to fall into place. I quit a heroin addiction. Got clean. Got into a good career. Got 3 raises in less than a year of being there. I love my fucking job. Now I found someone to not only pay for my schooling to further my career but hire me right out making great money. To my ultimate end goal which will be to run my own business within this career. All of this happened with in the last year +. last weekend there was a couple boundaries I wanted to put in place and I sat her down and told her about them. I told her if things did not improve we would not be together. That there was something’s I needed to take care of to better myself and if she wasn’t going to help or make the process harder that we are best to go out separate ways. She cried. I didn’t bite and left it at that. The next couple days came and went and things have been awesome. Coming home to meals everyday (not part of the deal she has just been doing this). Great sex when I want. Putting up her end of the deal Etc. I realize this is bound to change after a while and this is because of the boundary talk. But for now I am cool with how things are going. I come home from work yesterday after a 12 hour shift and a gym session. And she tells me she wants to talk. I say about what. She says what was said the other day. I tell her I said what I needed to say. There’s nothing else to talk about. She says yes there is. I continue getting undressed and go make a plate of food. When I sit down she is staring at me. “I love you so much and you can’t just say you’ll leave. You’re playing with my heart” I say okay. I can tell where this is going and I want no part of it. I have been here plenty of times before. I forget what else she was saying but then She starts going. “I’m not comfortable. With this” with an angry. Serious look. And this is where I done something I never have before and I watched the magic unroll. Normally this is about the point where I give into her frame. This time I immediately say. “Well no wonder you’re uncomfortable look how you’re sitting. (She was slouched down in the couch laying back a little bit) here let me help you with that” I go over pick her up and place her upright in the couch. She starts cracking up. After her laugh she starts trying to talk again. I tell her I don’t want to talk about it. She says “it’s not fair. It’s like everything is always on your terms” I stfu. She eventually gets over it. This might not seem like shit to most of you guys but this was huge for me. I would normally jump right into her frame and start defending myself. Hating myself for it after and he being pissed off all night. I am by no means where I want to be but I am a hell of a lot better than I was a couple months ago. I think my biggest realization in all of this is the true importance of having a mission/vision in place that has nothing to do with your wife. ",,60,InconspicuousWand,2018-09-12 16:11:05 marriedredpill,9f5cye,The new set of rules and the importance of frame,"I am currently getting my Masters in counseling, and I’m in the middle of a class for Counseling couples.  &#x200B; From a RP lens, I can’t help but think about how Rollo writes about BP men acting in relationships based on the “old books, or the old set of rules.  The teachings and lessons in my current counseling class are mostly based on those old set of rules, but as a Rollo says, women are playing by the “new book,” or the new set of rules. Men who are still playing by the old set of rules will be in for a rude awakening sooner or later, often after its too late and the marriage contract is in effect. Then, they may begin to see their woman acting differently, and this is very confusing to the BP man. He sees his woman ""changing,"" *but really what he is seeing is her following the new book of rules in a more open manner.* &#x200B; I don’t see it with any anger anymore.  The anger phase has come and gone, but that doesn't mean I don't get angry sometimes. It's just, I very rarely get butt hurt anymore. I've become glad that I see it how it is.  The truth is women love opportunistically, and based on their current mood, which can change in an instant.  They will throw all these rules (that they teach us in my counseling classes) out the door in the heat of an argument.  That is just part of the new book, so it doesn't surprise me anymore. As a matter of fact, it often amuses me. When I get amused by her trying to push my buttons, A&A and AM have all but become the default, and she will often laugh along with me.... Why? Because she knows its just a game, and the fact that I ""get it"" allows her to laugh along with me. This is what they mean when they talk about the man having such a strong frame that it is like a container. The woman is drawn to that strong container, and she fills the container that the man lives. To boil it down, she is often living in my frame instead of the other way around. &#x200B; My oneitis is pretty much gone, but if I'm not diligent and careful, I can easily fall back into her frame... because remember gentlemen... the shit tests never end.... and you don't want them to. If the shit tests end, that is a signal of indifference or apathy, and also signals a lack of dread. Passive dread is an ongoing factor in the successful RP man's life, and it is a healthy dread. If she's feeling dread, she still sees you as attractive and fuckable, and that turns her on. She won't admit it, but trust me, the fact that she initiates as much or more than me confirms that actions speak louder than words. &#x200B; Getting back to the class: They talk about communication and blah blah blah... but when it comes down to it (in the real world) women will fight dirty, and all of these teachings about proper “communication “ are really just buzz words to keep the beta males on task. AM and A&A are my go to's, and I don't take her serious enough to have a conversation about ""communication."" Also, it will bore her to death and dry up her pussy like a hair dryer on a summer day in the Arizona desert. &#x200B; That’s why FRAME is so important. I’ve been on hard-mode almost daily for over 2 years, and hardly anything she can say or do has an effect for longer than 10 minutes, if that anymore. More times than not, if I do lose frame, and it does happen occasionally, I will quickly regain it and simply say ""lets just drop it. It really doesn't matter."" End of conversation. If she tries to prod and continue the argument, I just go broken record... ""lets just drop it. It really doesn't matter..."" because you know what... it really doesn't matter. Life has become simplified in that way. It doesn't mean I have a drama-free relationship with my wife, it just means I control the flow of drama and start it and end it how I wish. Any drama happens in my frame. &#x200B; Now, I get “ I love you sooooo much” with that old loving look in her eyes.  I love seeing that, but I don't base my happiness on it, and I realize it can be completely different tomorrow, or even 10 minutes later... and that's OK. Frame has to be internalized to get there, and faking it will only expose you as a fraud, so I don't buy into the ""fake it till you make it"" on the subject of frame. Just try to build your frame, and be genuine. \*\*STFU until you can build your frame strong enough\*\* to implement A&A and AM. These should be genuine and come naturally with time and lots of effort.",,55,BobbyPeru,2018-09-12 06:40:18 marriedredpill,9f1sgi,Quick post on Testosterone,"When i started my MRP journey last year i was in the midst of a failed marriage and being at the lowest part of my life. I hated myself, like an unsafe amount. My dead bedroom, lack of self confidence coupled with my weight gain killed my marriage. &#x200B; As i started distancing myself from my ex and working on myself i turned to the gym. I went everyday and started lifting. It was my escape. But i noticed i wasn't seeing gains like i did when i was younger. I also noticed my erections weren't as hard or sometimes non-existent. I never craved sex and i knew something was up. So i made an appointment to get a hormone profile done. &#x200B; Sure enough my Test level was 253 at 27 years old, that of a 70 year old. So i kept lifting, dieting, and supplementing for 4 months strait to try and raise my level. I lost 24 lbs and got to 15% BF and i was looking great and was feeling confident. I was going on dates but was still having the ED issues which stressed me about dating. &#x200B; Got a retest and it was only 450 and i still felt like total shit. So i decided to bite the bullet and start TRT. I did 6-8 months of research and absorbed everything before committing to my first injection. &#x200B; In the 6 weeks i started TRT i gained 11lbs of muscle and dropped to 11.5-12%BF. My dick was as hard as a rock, my metal state was amazing, and I'm banging a hot 22 year old. Its funny, most of the guys on TRT say it gives you a mindset of ""not giving a fuck"", i can attest it certainly does. NOTHING PHASES ME. &#x200B; I advise everybody on here, NO MATTER HOW FUCKING OLD YOU ARE, GO GET FUCKING TESTED. Even if you feel fine, find your natural level, you could find other things that need tweaking, or you could find you were low T like i was. You guys are already putting in the work wit the sidebar and the gym, this is fucking easy, and could change your life more than anything on this subreddit. I really do think getting this checked should be in the sidebar.",,61,PBL89,2018-09-11 21:57:51 marriedredpill,9f1aky,Field Report From a New Guy,Deleted,,25,parkerfiveone,2018-09-11 20:55:18 marriedredpill,9ex1v7,"Lift, Faggot, Lift"," **Listen up, Lazy Cunts** There’s a reason why newbs are told to lift: a). It makes you look more attractive b). It makes you feel more attractive c). It focuses your mind d). Going to the gym gets you out of the house for a few hours a week and stops you lurking around behind your wife trying to Kino her, fog her or whatever the fuck else you’re trying to do with her that she doesn’t want you doing to her. d). Muscles e). Abs f). Testosterone g). Abs &#x200B; **There is no Excuse** “But the gym is too far away” “I don’t want to get too big” “I’m too old to lift” “I don’t know anything about lifting” “I like being skinny” “I am too weak to get off the sofa” These were just my exuses. You have your own. You can have as many as you like, but really, there is no excuse. &#x200B; **My expertise** I am not an expert. I am a newb to the gym. I have been lifting for 6 months. Prior to that, I had never stepped into a gym in my 45 years of life. I lie – I went once in my twenties. Walked on a treadmill for 15 minutes, then walked straight out of the gym, never to return. I also had a dead bedroom. That’s what brought me to MRP. I believed that if I applied all the MRP “tricks” minus the weight lifting, I’d be fine and I’d “fix my marriage”. That was the plan. I’m not saying that lifting solved my problems – frame did. Physical frame and mental frame. You need to build both. I’m not going to tell you how to lift, what to eat or what programs to follow. There are people a lot more qualified and experienced than I am. Go to r/fitness. Find a program. Stick with it for 6 months. Eat properly. Dial in your TDEEs, macros etc. Eat protein, hydrate, sleep well. All the information you need is out there. But I will tell you that you NEED to lift. Also STFU. And the sidebar is over there (or at least it used to be). &#x200B; **Lift, Faggot, Lift** When I started MRP in January, I was told to lift. I ignored this advice. As far as I was concerned, I was in good shape – I was doing HIIT four times a week at home and had just started a Strength and Conditioning course doing all sorts of things like kettelbell swings, lunges, bear crawls, jumping jacks and some barbell work. Crossfit, basically. I got ribbed by other members here for not lifting, so I posted a shirtless pic to prove how good I looked naked. “This’ll show these cunts”, I thought. The fuckers laid into me. I was told that I looked like member of a concentration camp. That was one of the nicer comments. Shortly after that, my wife told me that I looked like I had spent the last year on hunger strike. I took another hard look at myself and realised that I was fooling myself. Yes, I had low body fat, but my ribs were sticking out, my arms were like chicken wings, my legs were like toothpicks and the skin on my arse was starting to look flabby and saggy. I was a skinny, unhealthy, unnatractive looking motherfucker. I wouldn’t even fuck me, so why would someone else? And the chances are, that if you are a newb to the forum, then you are equally unnatractive – either a skinny boney, weak ass fucker, or a pudgy, soft, fat ass slob.. or some combination of both (read - fat skinny cunt). Either way, you aren’t getting fucked because - you not only act like shit - but you look like shit too. Don’t believe me? Think you can get away without lifting weights? Think your cardio, bodyweight exercises and Crossfit is going to cut it? OK – post a pic in the replies below and we’ll let you know how good you look. &#x200B; **Time for a change.** In March this year, I joined the gym and started out with SL 5x5. I’m 6ft 1”, I weighed 163lbs, Body fat around 10% My lifts were as follows Bench – 35kg / 75lbs Squat – 40kg / 85lbs Deadlift – 60kg / 130lbs Basically, I was so weak, that I found it difficult to lift the bar off the rack. &#x200B; I switched to Candito’s Linear Progression in April and have been running that solidly for the last six months I now weigh 182lbs, Body fat around 13-15% My current lifts are as follows Bench – 85kg / 185lbs Squat – 120kg / 265lbs Deadlift – 150kg / 330lbs &#x200B; I’v put on 19lb of muscle in 6 months. And I’m not even jacked. Yes, I have some muscle definition, some abs showing – I’ve added 3” to my legs and arms 2” to my chest, lost 2” from my hips. I know I’m a way off from where I want to be / can be in terms of physique and strength. But I have gone from being an untrained novice with subpar strength to intermediate level in 6 months. And I’m looking pretty good too. I’m not going to post progress pics and I’m not posting my story to get praise. I am posting to to show that this shit can be done. And should be done. How? Sheer dedication. Hit the gym 3-4 days a week at the gym, follow the program rigourously. Eat right, sleep right, lift right, lift a lot. 6 months ago, my wife wouldn’t fuck me. I was a repulsive concentration camp victim with bones sticking out. Just yesterday, while I was at the kicthen sink, she grabbed my ass with both her hands and said “mmm, buns of steel”. I lifted her up onto the sink and thanked her for her compliment by fucking her on the kitchen worktop. &#x200B; So don’t be a lazy cunt, stop making excuses, get off your fat / skinny arse and start lifting like your life depended on it, because in reality, it probably does. ",,69,[deleted],2018-09-11 12:21:30 marriedredpill,9evoz9,"Own Your Shit Weekly - September 11, 2018","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit. ",,10,AutoModerator,2018-09-11 08:25:35 marriedredpill,9etqe4,"[FR] ""Lost"" Frame for the First Time in a Long Time.","This is geared toward the newer OP's. It's a pretty basic concept, boundries, and my thought process behind it as it was happening. Some may also say it's a good example of controlled anger, others may say I started acting like a faggot...they both could be right. And btw, if you want to put a label on it, broke frame might be a bit more accurate. Frame isn't lost or held...it just is. But I digress... Long story short, I told my kid not to do something and literally seconds later my wife tells him to do it with a shit eating grin on her face. It was bait, I knew it, and I took it anyway. I started to AA it at first, viewing it in RP terms as a shit test...following yesterday's outbreak (whole different story, handled that like a champ). This was a pretty clear boundry crossing, one that we had established 12 years ago and actually never have had to enforce. Until now. And I typed in the code and pressed the button. And I was mad when I did it. Now there's somethin ya don't read here often... She walked off once **I** realized the AA had turned into passive aggressive bullshit, and decided to stfu for a minute. She already knew. It didn't have to be said, but when I got back to the car I flat out said to never do anything like that again. No ""Or I'll do X""....just. don't. do. it. She tried explaining her way out. ""Don't do it,"" again. A few more times. Hell yeah I slipped up and countered a few jabs. I'd catch myself getting into some verbal foreplay, and that's when I'd bring it back to the main point. Don't do it again. The smile and laugh when she did it, and her attitude after the fact like she had just apologized to end the conversation, literally no signs of ""yeah, that was a bad move"", made me mad as fuck. And within an hour I decided to stop focusing on all that bullshit and look at the reality of it. I said all I can say, her choices moving forward are out of my control. She'll either do it again or she won't, and there's no guarantee she's going to be any more or less pleasant to be around for the next few days. So what do I do from here? Pretty simple. Type this up, do some reading before bed, wake up, go to work, watch my kid's game, and enjoy every minute of it. Maybe go to Home Depot for project supplies...if there's time.",,16,BostonBrakeJob,2018-09-11 02:56:31 marriedredpill,9dzvva,Theory: The triangle theory of love... and you,"Some recent askMRP threads have inspired me to review a well-known theory from social psychology: the [Triangular Theory of Love](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triangular_theory_of_love). This clever theory (best summed up by the picture) talks about the three elements of human relationships, and shows you how the combinations of those things lead to different versions of ""love"". On the corners of the triangle are Passion, Intimacy, and Commitment, the three basic elements. These elements and combinations of them define relationships. For example, if you have only Intimacy, you have a friend. If you have Passion and Intimacy, you have ""Romantic"" love (a FWB). Intimacy and commitment gives ""Companionate"" love, and Passion plus Commitment yields ""Fatuous Love"" (fucking a girl you're committed to, but don't actually like). What the theory assumes is that everyone wants to be inside the triangle, with all three elements, known as ""Consummate"" love. (Now if at this point you're saying to yourself ""What the hell is this guy on about?"" then go to the link above and look at the picture on the Wiki page. It will all make sense, I swear.) Too many of the new guys lately are caught in Companionate (at best) or Empty love (at worst). Companionate is the most common dead bedroom scenario. The relationship is still civil, but the sex is gone (no Passion). Empty love is where the couple is not only not having sex, but they've started living separate lives, fighting, etc. The woman is checked out, and the dude is left committed to... a dead dream. The woman is doing what she can to get him to kill the puppy or just living her life however she wants while the financial support lasts. You guys know who you are. You're probably cringing at your keyboard right now reading this. So what is MRP's goal then? Is it to get you inside the triangle, to Companionate love? Is it to slide you over to the left so you have ""Romantic"" love (sex without commitment, e.g. plates)? Nope and nope. The question is wrong. MRP doesn't have goals, dummy. MRP is a collection of tools, and also the name of a stupid internet text board where we share those tools. Nothing less, nothing more. **The goals have to come from you.** Looking at that triangle, only you can decide where you want to be on it with your relationship(s). But I'm willing to bet that looking at that diagram and the implications each location on it has, most of you want to be in the middle with your wives (what most of us originally wanted from a marriage), on the left edge (FWBs and long-time plates), or on the lower left corner (Passion only = ONS). Anywhere else is either dealing with crazy or not getting laid. Given that, why are so many of you settling for anything less? ",,34,SorcererKing,2018-09-08 00:02:41 marriedredpill,9cwinu,On My Way,"I always wondered if I would get to this moment from the minute I first found MRP. 10 years to the day that I asked my wife to go out with me I found this place, to today. Three long years of working, improving, and focusing my life. I've been through a lot, and seen my body and especially my mind transform. &nbsp; A lot of learning came from eye-opening texts on the sidebar of how other people thought, how to influence what they think, and how to think differently myself. I think most of the texts can simply be summed up in one sentence as: Everyone including you is their own person with their own thoughts and feelings and frames. That's it. Interacting is learning to **accept (or reject)** that, and own that decision. There's no magic key to make people do what you want or think what you want. But understanding why they think the way they do does take away some of the frustration. And knowing that most people are lost souls simply looking for a leader makes assuming that position easy. &nbsp; After 3 years, as much as i thought I had my thoughts locked down, I recently had a mind-altering experience. I dropped acid on a trip I went on. I did my research going in. I knew I was going to experience some funky thoughts. But nothing quite prepares you for an experience that shows you a glimpse of mental processes that normally run through your mind, that affect how you think every day, and how they might not be as ideal as you thought. The experience basically broke down my current world view and let me see it from a different perspective. **The truths didn't change**, but the way I saw myself interpret them did. And what this made me realize is that the way our minds organize these truths involves taking the life experiences we each have and trying to put them into frames we consciously AND unconsciously construct to protect our minds from the chaos that is the random world we encounter. Each of us can see and know the same truths. But the framework the mind uses to make rules to govern our thoughts and actions about these truths can be different. &nbsp; It also made me realize that MRP is simply one of those frames. And I had been using a lot of mental energy filtering the world through this worldview to try and make sense of it. Everything I experienced, I thought ""what does this mean through an MRP lens"". But I now realize that the energy I spent trying to filter actions of other people was energy I was burning for no benefit to myself. I was so busy trying to put everyone into a box, trying to out-think everyone, that I wasn't getting any joy filling my own box. And that doesn't mean I didn't have a filled life. I was and still am going out and expanding my life all the time. But I'll compare it to going to practice a sport, versus enjoying playing the actual game. Learning about a hobby, versus enjoying the hobby. Going to college, and getting a job in that field. And of course you need both. And of course you can derive joy from both. Pushing yourself and learning is a path to fulfillment. But actually living gives the learning purpose. &nbsp; The experience didn't provoke this thought, I had been thinking about this for a little while now. I'm ready to hang up my MRP handle. I'm ready to stop mulling over sexual dynamics and instead simply pursue sex, and life, unapologetically. To be clear about my wants and needs, my intentions and boundaries, and accept the acceptance or rejection other people have of those. Am I abandoning the MRP framework? Not at all. Like I said, the truths are still there. And I've seen a lot of it work: &nbsp; -I've grown from a guy who didn't take care of himself to a guy who takes pride in his looks/style/appearance. &nbsp; -I've learned that the actions I take have consequences. &nbsp; -I've realized that I'm not owed anything from anyone, but that I can pick the people I'm around. &nbsp; -I've studied closely my feelings and motivations and found that while I'm don't have direct control over them, I do have control of the situations that cause them. &nbsp; -I've expanded my options and seen that many roads are open before me. And that only by learning about all my options and their consequences can I know that the path I choose to take is one I can own. &nbsp; -I've seen my life fill from passions I know I want to pursue, and from experiencing the passions of others when keeping an open mind and not stifling my options by protecting an ego identity. &nbsp; -I've seen my wife follow my lead in how we speak to each other, how we discipline our kids, and how we take responsibility. &nbsp; -I've seen my wife respond to me when I make my intentions and boundaries clear and known. &nbsp; -I've seen my wife take pride in her body while training and lifting for a bikini competition to, in her words, ""keep up with this jacked guy over here"". &nbsp; -I've seen my wife ignore the words coming out of my mouth, but follow my example when I lead and clear new paths for us. &nbsp; -and I've also seen my wife, and others, choose not to open their lives or follow my lead...and have learned to accept that they think that way. &nbsp; To those new to the journey: This place will help you. RP doesn't solve your problems, it gives you the tools to handle them like an adult. Guys here will push you, teach you, and slap you upside your head. Remember though that you don't learn here. You simply see a door opened to a new way of interpreting the world. When you go out and actually experience that, that's where you'll learn and create meaning behind the words. And sometimes you'll even see the words aren't entirely true, but they do get you to live by the framework that enables you to move forward. Remember too that we are all at different points in our lives. Guys here are married, divorced, young, old, and have different passions, schedules, and thoughts about what a good first mate entails. And these things will evolve over time. You will see men doing great things with their lives. Don't lose focus of what you want while trying to emulate the super-man you've created by combining all these great things into one man. Do expand your mind by being open to the experience of other men. &nbsp; I had a huge essay of other notes and thoughts, but like I said you don't learn that here. So I'll leave it at that. I wish you all the best in finding your ways. And appreciate everyone who has helped me find mine. &nbsp; -JoATMoN09/Gargantuablarg29",,50,[deleted],2018-09-04 15:13:58 marriedredpill,9csbx5,When the Blue Pill Lens Shattered,"It's less than 2 years till I turn 40 and I have been doing a lot of reflection recently: 1) on points in my life where I could have learned something but I didn't; and 2) how I want to improve my life between now and when I do turn 40. I hate to overuse the Matrix analogy to death. But, between the sexes, there are so many points in my life where I felt a glitch in the Matrix but did not stop to understand it and see past it. I've been thinking about one college experience a lot. I went to the best university in my state, everyone there was at the top of their highschool class. By chance none of my HS friends attended. So, as a freshman I sought out a group of friends - and my first group of friends were hallmates of course. I fell into this group all from the same HS (expect for me and one other), mostly dudes and mostly dorks (but, I was probably a dork anyway). This first group kept talking about their HS and one girl in particular that was attending the same college as us. Her name was Lauren. Lauren was beautiful, blond, preppy, cheerleader, straight As, kind, caring, church, volunteered, etc. etc. Lauren was perfect, and her one boyfriend from HS was perfect too - he was drafted out of HS and pursing a MLB career. I met Lauren at some point while out with this group of friends, and she was everything they said she was. Lauren was perfect and unattainable. Gradually over my freshman year I found a new group of dudes and began spending more time with them. This second group was all Division 1 athletes. These guys had legitimate groupies and treated these groupies just like that's what they were. No dates, ZFG all around. Girls were there for hooking up with and little more. My sophomore year I moved into a house with 7 of them; we were a fraternity all but in name. The house had this large double level deck in the back, with the lower lever larger and visible from the top, and was decorated with shitty, mildewed couches, beer cans and tiki torches. One night at 3am we hear that our alpha dog roommate has a chick out on the lower deck. Four of us sneak out to the top deck. We drink and watch 15min of sloppy, drunk, depraved sex. The chick is hot and it's porn level action. And, in keeping with that, our friend ends it in porn fashion as he had no rubber. After the fireworks, we all give a standing ovation revealing ourselves and she runs off into the lower level of the house naked. Our friend bows and then joins us for a beer, saying that she ran home. He explains that he met her earlier that evening, her name is Laura, and both got drunk and had a couple rounds of sex until they went outside. He doesn't have her number, and doesn't care. A couple days later, the alpha dog and I are grabbing something to eat. He points out a girl across the sandwich shop and says that's the chick. It's Lauren; I'm speechless. She's the same as always, perfect and unattainable (to me). He beckons her over, she and two friends join us. No apologies, no discussion, no mention of an MLB-bound boyfriend. My friend hooks up with her for the next couple months, till he ""cheats"" on her. My views on Lauren changed 180 degrees in that restaurant; I told myself this was the real her all along and the perfect girl thing was an act. I was wrong - this is all women. This experience resonated with me because just as my first group of college friends pined over Lauren, I had a Lauren in my HS that I pined over. I'd love to tell you that this shattered the blue pill lens for me, but it didn't. I had my share of hook ups, but was always getting last pick amongst this group. Until later that same year I met a girl that I previously would have thought was on too high a pedestal and felt like I had won a prize when we started dating. How did I out compete my friends for her? I happened to be dating someone else at the time and so she pursued me (so, I fell ass backwards into it). However, unlike my athlete friends and their girls, I went head over hills and fully committed. Don't get me wrong, there were months and months of monkey sex, but I sold out quickly to her being the one. And 20 years later I'm writing on MRP Reddit while she's sleeping upstairs. Our marriage is better than it has been in a longtime but I'm not resting on calling this a happy ending. At 40, it's only halftime. I could have saved myself a lot of time and pain had I learned what had made my alpha dog friend attractive to Lauren and my wife to me 20 years ago. I spent the first 15 of the last 20 years slowly losing frame. The blue pill lens shattered for me when discussing divorce and custody schedules after acquiescing to her wants for nearly our whole relationship. When did it shatter for you?",,30,J_Incognito,2018-09-04 04:18:13 marriedredpill,9ctq5i,"Own Your Shit Weekly - September 04, 2018","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit. ",,13,AutoModerator,2018-09-04 08:25:27 marriedredpill,9crwyf,Primordial Archetypes,"Essay: https://therationalmale.com/2018/09/03/primordial-archetypes/ Excerpt: Now, what if I told you that the reality of women’s Hypergamous nature is also a part of that collective consciousness? My theory is this: human beings have an innate understanding of the Alpha Seed – Beta Need nature of intersexual dynamics. On some level of consciousness we know, we feel, that it’s true, how it functions and why does. As a result, social institutions (religion and familial) created moral strictures around this unconscious knowledge to buffer against the worst effects of it on society. Only after the Sexual Revolution and men ceding virtually unilateral control of Hypergamy to women did these strictures change. The concepts of men who represent Alpha Fucks and Beta Bucks are similarly part of this instinctual understanding of Hypergamy. These too are archetypes, but more so, they form the basis of more complex male archetypes (love me Vampire, fuck me Werewolf). They are the men women want to fuck and the men women want to be provided for by. And we can trace the root of these archetypes through our evolution and even the evolution of other primates. These Hypergamous archetypes then manifest themselves in our era-specific, cultural specific, stories, narratves, mythology, etc.",,9,Rollo-Tomassi,2018-09-04 03:11:32 marriedredpill,9c03a9,Finances Discussion,"I recently got a Private Message asking questions about how to get control of the finances. I get a lot of these PM's based on my prior post about Gain Control of The Treasury https://redd.it/588e5o. Since getting your financial house in order is so important, I thought some of you might want to comment to OP too. Since OP is a throwaway account with no history, I copy/pasted his PM to me below, along with my first response to him. _____________________________________________ from lesterknight008 sent 12 hours ago Hi, Another beta reporting here and trying to take control of his life, in the aim for a better family, wife, and children. I was reading your reply with great interest regarding the Finances post on MRP and wanted to ask for your thoughts on joint Credit Cards. I’m the main income earner in the family which I see 80% if my income going to the mortgage, bills, car registration, utilities, insurances, mobile phones, gym memberships, and children schooling and activities. My wife works casually and she spends her money on food expenses and then the rest goes to her occasional outings (coffee, lunch), buying children toys, etc. She also puts a very small amount into a saving account which isn’t that big (<350) so I feel her as well. I was considering closing off the joint CC and getting two seperate CC’s in each of our names so they are managed individually. This is because she was using the joint CC for other things and I threatened her that I would close the CC down all together. She now uses the joint CC for fuel and if there is an emergency. My thoughts on this one are that I use public transport to get to work so I also pay for that as well, meaning that I think she should pay for the fuel at least. She complains that she doesn’t have enough money. I also complain that I don’t have enough money. I even considered that she would pay everything that I would pay which would be based on the percentage of her income ie if I pay $100 then she pays $10 as an example across everything (still not sure how this would work and the exact percentages). Should I keep the status quo so I can at least see how the joint CC is being used or go for the seperate CC’s? If I go for the seperate CC’s or even consider keeping the one joint CC and having her give me a percentage figure then would this make me appear more beta in her eyes as I’ve turned very tight with money which limits her freedom. I guess we were both more free before children and now we are locked down as all of our finances are going towards their future. What are your thoughts on this one? Thanks, Lester _________________________________________________________________________________ [–]to lesterknight008 sent 9 hours ago A few ideas and points for you. Take what you can use....... >I guess we were both more free before children and now we are locked down as all of our finances are going towards their future This stood out to me. There is no guarantee that you or your children will live for 20 more years. Be careful of undue (saving) suffering today, for a future that cannot be known. >I threatened her that I would close the CC down all together. DO not make threats. It is weak. Better to STFU until you are ready to actually do something. >She now uses the joint CC for fuel and if there is an emergency. My thoughts on this one are that I use public transport to get to work so I also pay for that as well, meaning that I think she should pay for the fuel at least. This sounds like nit picking to me. With the real problem being that you want more money to spend. It seems like you are wanting more for yourself. But if all she is paying for is fuel and emergencies, she isn't wasting your money, your point is the source of finite resources. Your idea of percentage of expenses based on income, again, just more nit picking. The problem is, and you and she both know this, you can easily manipulate the numbers, so she can't have any money for anything she needs or wants to do, and you get more. Separate ownership CC is the standard for me. She has a card in her name, and you are an authorized person on it. You have a card in your name, and she is authorized. That way you both build good credit and each have control of your card. The idea that you might not know what she is doing with a card she owns, is absolutely unacceptable....do not allow this. The sub plot I read in your post is either you are not making enough money to raise the family, or you are saving too much, or both. One last thing. Having control of the money is necessary if your spouse is wasting our resources. I don't think yours is. If you don't have a wasting problem, then be careful not to lack a generous spirit with your family....don't be cheap. __________________________________________________________________________________________",,16,[deleted],2018-09-01 03:44:05 marriedredpill,9bivv4,You're Being Cucked. What Do You Do About It?,"This comes up often. I get tired of correcting it comment by comment. A lot of unplugging guys are really good at hiding the fact that they are trying to figure out if thier girl is fucking Chad. In my early early days I did this. Wondered if my STBX was fucking when she said she was at a study group. Maybe she was. Maybe I don’t care, but I wasn’t about to drive 40 minutes to the university to find out. In fact it's a visceral fear of most men except for you freaks that seem to think it's some sort of fetish. /u/friendandadvisor makes this point: >[If I were a man in this situation, I would most definitely want to know if I were being cucked. Actually, in ANY situation, I would like to know if I were being cucked or not!](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/9aml2p/handling_the_unfun_side_of_spouse_who_says_no_to/) This is wrong thinking. Sure seems Alpha though. This is in Insecure Alpha. You are in her frame at this point. Seriously if your time is so precious you have an abundance to devote a portion of that to finding out if your girl is out with Chad rather than going to the grocery store like she said. I got engaged to my college girlfriend. It was the thing to do. I admit that I didn’t think it out. Army Cadet and they plant this idea that marriage is a career move. It can be if you have the right girl. A year in i caught her with her first boyfriend whom she had broken up with like 5 year ago. There were flags, but in college schedules tend to get changed quickly in the last year. So I had gut feelings, but no proof. Until my Army buddies started calling me telling me they saw her here, there, and in some guys dorm room. I took action right then. Moved out and haven’t talked to her since. [Then we get shit like this](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/9an9hz/5_year_ltr_gave_number_to_a_guy/). Why are you going around chasing her just to see if she is fucking Chad? You already know how this turns out. You already know she is fully capable of doing it. I am Chad. I know. If your girl is throwing red flags it’s not about finding them. Red flags can be life events. Red flags can be paranoia. Stop trying to account for red flags. You are living in her frame. By the time you see them your instincts have already told you what you need to know. Wondering, worrying, being overly concerned about what she is doing. It’s about knowing what you will and will not put up with and sticking to it. This is about your self respect. This way no one controls you Being cheated on is the ultimate fear of any red pill man, of any man really. There is literally nothing more of a punch to a guy than finding out he’s been an eskimo brother to the entire block. Beta’s just kind of accept it as the result of their life and do nothing about it. I am talking about guys who haven’t fucked their wife in 6 years or more and wonder why. The potential is there for any man to be cucked. Yet being cucked is not in and of itself failure. She did not just walk along the street and suddenly a man so alpha made her panties fall and she was powerless. She made the decision to do it. We know why she did, and that is where men can be guilty. Even still she can make that decision no matter how Alpha you are. She was never yours. The why is unimportant to this discussion it’s the action that is more important. So your girl decided that Chad had a better dick than you. So what? What you do next is what defines you. If she wants to be the neighborhood pin cushion her choice. Realize your vetting sucked ass and do better next time. Tracking your wife/LTR is tantamount to mate guarding. For that matter setting her down to go over boundaries is ridiculous. Might as well have her sign a relationship agreement. It’s like the dad who tells his teen daughter she can’t go out on a Friday night and the next thing you know she’s sneaking out the window to jerk off the football captain at the trash can party in the vacant lot. I believe this paranoia, this drive to constantly find out if she is cheating on you, is from fear. The first fear is that you won’t be able to leave with the upper hand. that’s it right? you want to exit the relationship leaving her broken, alpha widowed, and at the top of your game. Sorry bub, doesn’t work like that. You will never know in your life time if you Alpha widowed a girl. Maybe you find out, but it won’t be noticeable immediately. Not only that but women have this amazing ability to rationalize anything. They will have moved on. Though remember, women connect memories to emotion. What memories are you connected to? The ones where she saw you as a suspicious loser or a strong alpha? Doesn’t matter if you were right or not. It was never about that. The second place this fear comes from is failing to have achieved Outcome Independence. It’s difficult to flip that switch to caring but not caring. [In life there are only 3 problems to solve.](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2qjwg9/how_to_become_outcome_independent_using_a_stoic/?st=jjqz8p3x&sh=07c7c8a9) This is where your work is. Being cucked isn’t the problem. What you do when you find out is.",,58,ReddJive,2018-08-30 11:43:27 marriedredpill,9ax516,"Own Your Shit Weekly - August 28, 2018","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit. ",,15,AutoModerator,2018-08-28 08:25:26 marriedredpill,9as8jb,I'm still single ... just married.,"I've written several posts and comments about divorce around here. It's literally my day job, so why not? But I think some people get the wrong idea about why I wrote many of those posts and comments in the first place. In most things I do, there's usually a bigger game that I'm working toward than the immediate context would let on. If you can take some general divorce wisdom out of those posts, great, but that's not why they're there. Someone once asked in one of those posts: ""Why are you posting this here? Doesn't this belong on r/divorce?"" Here's the reason: I want men to position themselves in such a way that they are not manipulated in their marriages by the fear of divorce. It's not about helping guys through divorce; it's about helping guys stop being afraid of divorce so they can live in their own frame. _____ **""The Marriage"" Doesn't Exist** I'm currently writing a book for r/RPChristians. There's scant little RP content for Christians, so I figure I'll contribute. Whatever. I was writing a section by the same name of this post and believe this is a broader issue than my own little niche of the manosphere. ""The marriage"" doesn't exist. ""The relationship"" doesn't exist. There's you and her. That's it. I was talking to someone about Negative Inquiry recently. His wife told him, ""You never talk with me!"" The NI response: ""What's wrong with not talking with you?"" Her answer: **Because that's what married people are supposed to do.** Do you see it? Maybe not. Let's give a series of examples: - ""Marriage is about love"" - ""Communication is the life blood of marriage"" - ""Married people are supposed to ..."" - ""I can't do ... because I'm married."" - ""Marriage is hard work."" - ""My marriage is wonderful/sucks."" See how these phrases personify ""marriage"" (or for singles: ""the relationship"") as its own entity? All of these examples aren't pointing to yourself or the other person as the one whose judgment you're trying to satisfy. So, when your wife says, ""That's what married people are supposed to do,"" she really means, ""That's what I want you to do"" - but she's invoking ""the marriage"" as some higher authority than herself. Why? Because if she stopped her hamster for a second and recognized that she's only communicating her own personal preference, then that only puts her on an equal footing with you - her preference against yours, and that's not a good way to win an argument. No, she must invoke a higher authority - in this case, one that doesn't actually exist. But as long as she can keep you thinking it does, she can control you. She creates this third metaphysical concept, labels it ""the marriage"" and then says that you have to keep this non-existent entity happy or else ... and then the ""or else"" line is never finished in your subconscious, though we can always assume divorce is somewhere in the list. Does divorce scare you? More on that later. **Removing ""The Marriage"" From Your Frame** When a guy says the phrases above, it communicates to me that he isn't in his own frame. He is in the frame of ""the marriage."" That's weird, because ""the marriage"" never spoke to me to tell me what it expected. It didn't write a book or post online. It doesn't put feelings in your heart to guide you. ""The marriage"" doesn't exist at all. Anything I learned about ""marriage"" is really from culture or other people. And if I let their definitions of ""marriage"" control what I think my ""marriage"" should look like, guess whose frame I'm living in! In reality, any comments about ""marriage"" as its own entity can be boiled down to a series of ""If ... then ..."" clauses. Ignoring the merits of the phrases themselves, let's go back to each of the above and see what they're really trying to communicate. - **""Marriage is about love.""** What they're really saying is, ""**IF** they want to remain together, **THEN** two people in a committed relationship should orient their lives around loving each other"" ... and most likely there are a host of expectations on what it looks like to ""love"" someone. But why this particular IF/THEN in the first place? What if I want my marriage to be oriented around something else, like accomplishing my mission in life? Who's going to stop me? Who in this world is going to say I'm wrong for having a different purpose for my marriage than the next guy? - **""Communication is the life blood of marriage.""** In other words, ""**IF** you want to enjoy being in a committed relationship, **THEN** you need to know how to communicate effectively."" See how different this sounds? It's not, ""I'm married, so I'd better learn how to communicate."" It's, ""**IF** I want a result, **THEN** I must do something to get that result."" This re-wording also opens the door for challenging the concept in the first place: ""Now that I think about it, is communication really what produces the result I'm looking for in the first place, or is it something else?"" That's how your eyes start opening. - **""Married people are supposed to ...""** I.e. ""You have a moral obligation to act a certain way with and toward your spouse."" Says who? This could also be re-written: ""**IF** you don't do certain things, **THEN** you are not good at being a married person."" If we take out the concept of ""the marriage"" and accept that we're just two people who have chosen to live around one another, then this really should read, ""**IF** you want to get the benefits of the committed relationship, **THEN** certain behaviors are a good idea."" That makes more sense, but isn't at all what the original phrase implies. - **""I can't do ... because I'm married.""** What they're thinking is, ""**IF** I do ... **THEN** I will have a bad marriage."" A bad marriage to who? Your neighbor? What they're really saying is, ""People will think I have a bad marriage if I do ..."" Now the frame issue becomes clearer. - **""Marriage is hard work""** turns into ""**IF** you want someone else to stay committed to you - and especially **IF** you want to enjoy their being committed to you - **THEN** you'll have to work hard."" - **""My marriage is wonderful/sucks""** ... isn't behaviorally oriented, so there's no IF/THEN clause, but to show a more descriptive statement, this becomes ""I really enjoy/hate the fact that I'm committed to being around her and that she's committed to being around me."" I could elaborate more, but I assume you get the idea. There's you. There's her. There's ... nope, that's it. As soon as I bring ""society"" or ""other people"" or ""the marriage"" as a judge over how I should behave, it's no longer ""my marriage"" anyway. _____ **I'm Still Single** If ""the marriage"" doesn't exist and is really a colloquial short hand for ""in a committed relationship with legal enforcement,"" then things should change about how you perceive your obligations in the relationship. WISNIFG's Bill of Rights No. 4 says, ""You have the right to change your mind."" Okay, so the ""committed relationship"" part is moot, if we embrace this fully. Suddenly the ""legal enforcement"" part starts to matter. u/weakandsensitive once explained his position on MRP v. TRP, saying, ""I'm not pro-marriage; I'm anti-divorce rape,"" which opens the door for a unique discussion from what you'd see on TRP. If you can rightly escape the frame of ""the marriage"" and can minimize the impact of the legal enforcement of your commitment, then what's holding you back anymore from getting what you want out of life? At that point, you can function independently as your own man. You can set your own goals and achieve them. For the Christians out there, this is why I believe Paul says in 1 Cor. 7, ""Those with wives should live as though they had none"" (though this requires more explanation, which I'll reserve for the book). And here's the thing: I've found over and over and over again that women aren't attracted to ""husbands"" - at least not as that concept is generally understood in society today. Just as ""the marriage"" doesn't exist, the concept of being a ""husband"" doesn't either. That's a metaphysical concept or label that people throw around to impute a social stigma on how you should feel or behave. It's usually associated with, ""A good husband is/does/should ..."" By attaching a moral judgment on such phrases as ""a good marriage"" or ""a good husband,"" there's an implicit imperative for you to live by the standard that follows or else you're ""not good"" - or worse: you're ""bad."" In reality, you're just not living up to someone else's preferences. To that end, if their standard of a ""good/bad"" husband/marriage/relationship doesn't produce the results that you want, then why not be a ""bad husband"" or have a ""bad marriage"" by the meta definition in order to accomplish your own goals? And ... ::GASP:: ... what if the other person in the relationship finds they actually like it more that way too?!? Let me be abundantly clear: I'm **NOT** saying to **act like you're single**. I **AM** saying that if you remove the concept of ""the marriage"" or ""the relationship"" from your frame, **you are single**. When you said, ""I do,"" there wasn't some new entity that was born or created called ""the marriage,"" which you must forever try to appease. You're still you. [This is more nuanced for the Christians crowd, but I'll spare that conversation here, other than to say that instead of creating a new thing, when she enters your frame, she becomes part of you - not you becoming something different alongside her; just as we become part of Christ and Christ doesn't change to become something new when he married the Church.] **... Just Married** You're a single guy who entered into a contract that has three primary clauses (at least in my state): - **Loyalty** - That you are aligning your interests such that what will be good for one will be good for the other and you will not unreasonably try to harm the interests of the other. - **Support** - That you have something to contribute and will utilize that contribution in a way that works in tandem with the contributions of the other (ex. one contributes money-earning skills, the other contributes home-making skills). - **Fidelity** - That you will not have sex with anyone else outside the marriage. My state's ""grounds for divorce"" predominantly stem from different ways of violating one of these three contractual clauses. Although these are the operative ""obligations"" defined in my state's statutes, people don't get married because they want to subject themselves to these obligations. There's another IF/THEN concept at play, which is at least two-fold: - ""If you keep screwing me and doing other stuff I want you to do, then I will remain loyal, supportive, and faithful to you."" - Because of no-fault divorce: ""Either of us can break the contract whenever we want, even if nobody violated the contract, and this triggers me giving you half of my stuff and income and you giving me half of your stuff and income."" From there, whoever has more ""stuff and income"" is the loser. Why would a guy want to subject himself to that type of legal contract? I can think of several reasons (ex. she has more stuff/income), but that's beside the point of this post. The point is to recognize the ""marriage contract"" for what it is: a contract. It is not a new entity. It is not a god that acts as judge over you. It's a simple IF/THEN clause you sign with someone else that in the absence of a pre-nup subjects you to the default laws of the state you're in. To that end, a contract isn't a moral obligation to the terms therein. You can still do whatever you want to do. It simply lays out a penalty for your failure to live up to the terms you agreed to. If you don't want to live up to those terms, then don't - and accept the penalty you signed onto. People do this all the time at law - breaking bad contracts because they are more advantaged to go in a different direction. Do you think two CEOs in a corporate joint venture think to themselves, ""I know it's not in the agreement, but I should disadvantage my company's position and make our shareholders mad in order to appease our business partner ... you know, because that's what business partners are supposed to do."" I know it's not a perfect parallel because marriage isn't quite like a business, but the point still stands. Or if you find that the benefit you get from the contract is valuable enough to you, hold up your end and keep the contract alive and going. Just recognize that in the marriage contract the person with less ""stuff and income"" is under no obligation to fulfill their end, and if they decide to walk away, the person with more ""stuff and income"" still pays the same contractual penalty as if he were the one to have breached the contract, even if he did nothing wrong. _____ **THRILL OF THE CHASE** I didn't mean to write this section, but it kind of rolled out as I was typing the application section, so I decided to make it its own thing. As I said before: women aren't attracted to husbands (at least the way society describes them). They're attracted to the single bachelor who had his life together before he met her - the guy who did what he wanted, when he wanted, because there were no social judgments compelling him toward a certain lifestyle. She's attracted to the guy who doesn't need her - who could walk away on a moment's notice if he felt like it, and probably be even better off than if he'd stayed. But it goes deeper than that. Consider the old saying, ""Women are the gatekeepers of sex; men are the gatekeepers of commitment."" Now also consider how much women enjoy dating around. Let's be honest, [it's not because they're just as horny as men all the time](https://therationalmale.com/2011/10/04/women-sex/). Just as a man considers himself to have ""conquered"" or been ""successful"" with a woman when he's had sex with her, so also does a woman ""conquer"" or ""succeed"" with a man when she's managed to lock down his commitment. Just as a man mistakenly assumes that marriage ends the chase of his wife's sexuality, so also do women mistakenly assume that marriage should end the chase of their husband's commitment. And just as men are polygamous with their desire for sexual conquest, so also are women hypergamous with their commitment conquests, which is what prompts things like branch-swinging. After all, once you've climbed Denali, you just don't feel as satisfied climbing Pike's Peak. You set your sights on Mt. Everest. But what would happen if she climbed Pike's Peak, then the next day found that some tectonic plates shifted and the mountain's now a few hundred feet taller and harder to climb? Well, now she can't say she's really locked down Pike's Peak. She's going to have to go at it again. What would happen if she locked down her man's commitment and got him to marry her, then she found out that his commitment wasn't as locked down as she once thought? Or what if she had his commitment, but found that there were other parts of his inner-most being that he was holding back - that he hadn't yet trusted her with yet? Surely she would find it a new challenge to get her man to commit even those parts to her, which he otherwise reserved for himself, which is why a man's attractiveness goes up as the woman finds more and more mysterious things about him. It's fun for her to chase after those things, persuading him to unlock them to her. Just as men love the thrill of the chase of a woman's sexuality and will hop from woman to woman to get it, **in the same way, women love the thrill of the chase of a man's commitment and will hop from man to man to get it.** It's as much of a drug to them as the high a guy gets from all the sexual IOIs he gets from a new woman. When a man views ""the marriage"" as a concept in itself, it puts a stop to the chase. It re-frames how men and women relate with each other into an entirely new paradigm focused on intangible standards that make the man and woman assume that ""the chase"" is over and there are bigger fish to fry. [For the Christian: does ""the chase"" of Christ stop as soon as you're saved?] _____ **APPLICATION** The way I interact with my wife isn't oriented around ""improving the marriage"" or ""being a good husband."" From time to time, it may be convenient to use such shorthand, but looking back I see that this type of language does a serious disservice to any man who is already struggling to live in his own frame. The way I interact with my wife is oriented around meeting my goals. As I pursue my goals, I take a few steps forward. If my wife doesn't walk with me, she gets left behind. This shows her that my commitment is to my own purposes and not to her. That keeps the mountain growing. That keeps her chasing me - because she knows that somewhere along the way, as I keep walking forward she'll be left in the dust and my commitment to her will be little more than a silhouette in the horizon until she earns it back by catching up - and I reward her as she does so. This is fun for her and freeing for me. Now, my goals aren't antagonistic toward my wife. I don't make it a point to make her miserable just to screw with her, as the blue pill objectors accuse. On the contrary, when I accept the fact that I am my own man, and I have sufficiently mitigated the risks of our ""marriage contract"" being broken, I am free to be the same guy she first fell in love with - the guy who had a mission that's more important than her, who had options, who didn't cave to social pressures and stigmas about what a ""husband"" or ""marriage"" should look like. That's the guy whose wife is constantly striving to help him, to please him, and to keep him committed and who is just as excited to do these things in the marriage as she was when they were dating. That's the guy whose wife is happy. More importantly: that's the guy who's happy.",,87,Red-Curious,2018-08-27 19:59:05 marriedredpill,99ohbj,[FR] Is a Wife Worth One Foot?,"From Illimitable Men: *Marriage is the only legal contract in existence that permits a person to violate contractual terms and then subsequently penalize the party who upheld said terms.* From Briffault’s Law: *Where the female can derive no benefit from association with the male, no such association takes place.* I had a date with a lady I met online, I’ll call her “Jan” (because I grew up watching the Brady Bunch reruns, and I always thought Jan was “groovy”). Jan and I met for a few drinks at a watering hole near my house. I like this place because it has pool tables and dart boards. The games are good because there’s something to do other than sit there at the bar. They also provide opportunities for kino, and if things work out very well, it’s a short drive to my house. Jan’s a divorced, decent looking petite blonde, early 30’s. She has one son. She’s a veterinarian who has her own private practice. We live in a farming community, so I’d assume she makes pretty good scratch for her age. Jan drinks draft beer and wears jeans and cowboy (cowgirl?) boots. We had the typical “why did you divorce” first date conversation. Her story was a routine example of hypergamy in action: She and her ex-husband met through the sport of “cutting”, which is a competition where a rider and horse work to separate a cow from the herd in front a panel of judges. Like any equestrian sport, it’s an expensive hobby. It's pricey to buy and maintain cutting horses, plus transportation to competitions, etc. The husband, let’s call him Peter (to keep with the Brady Bunch name theme), worked in IT, while she was studying to be a veterinarian. The also had a small farm where they raised cattle. The farm had been in Peter’s family for generations. Peter was repairing some fencing on the farm where the cattle had been escaping. He was operating a post-hole-digger tractor attachment and got his foot caught in the auger which mangled and nearly amputated his foot. The accident happened in front of their son, which probably saved him from bleeding to death because the son was able to call for help. The injury required multiple surgeries and extended rehabilitation to save the foot. While he was off work he exhausted his disability coverage and FMLA, and was released from his good-paying job as a network administrator. They were able to save his foot, and after it had healed enough, he started looking for work but was unable to find any openings locally. He ended up getting a job at an employer who was a few hours away. Rather than relocate his family and remove his wife and son from their schools, friends, etc., he elected to rent a small apartment in the town where his job was, travel there early Monday morning, and return Friday evening after work. Not an ideal setup, but a man does what he has to do to provide for his family. Meanwhile Jan was left alone during the week, studying to be a veterinarian, and taking care of their son and the cows. Jan became increasingly resentful of this arrangement, picturing her husband enjoying the solitude of his apartment all week, while she was left to take care of everything. The tipping point came when Peter surprised her with a very nice new dually truck and horse trailer for use at their cutting competitions. He bought the truck and trailer to try to appease her because she was so unhappy with his work travel. The problem was that he had gotten an equity loan against the family farm to fund the vehicle purchase, and to pay off other debts they had incurred after his foot injury. When Jan found out about the loan, she concluded that Peter was “not an asset, but a liability” (she used those exact terms when telling the story). Further complicating matters, Jan had made a new “best friend” while at school, I’ll call him Greg. While Peter was away at work all week, earning money to support his family and pay for Jan’s education, Jan and Greg (and Jan’s son) were spending more and more time together. Peter wasn’t very happy with this arrangement and grew increasingly irritated and jealous of their friendship. Jan felt Peter was simply being insecure and controlling. As soon as Jan graduated from veterinary school and got set up with her own practice, she and Peter separated, and she moved into an apartment near her new office. Peter was actually the one who filed for divorce, but it was a last-ditch act of desperation to bring her back (“move back or we’re getting divorced” kind of thing). Peter had to liquidate the family farm in the divorce. He now lives full time in his little work apartment. Jan got to keep her veterinary practice intact, along with her nice new dually truck (I’ve seen it, it’s a sweet ride). She’s currently building a new house out in the country. I have to wonder if Peter had just completely lost his foot in that accident, and went right back to work instead of being off for so long to save the foot, would he have kept his job, and therefore his marriage? So he’d only have one foot, but still be married to Jan, instead of having both feet and being divorced. Is a wife worth one foot? (Fuck no!) Lastly, it seems Jan’s BFF Greg had his fun and moved on. So now Jan is dating online, shopping around for a replacement husband. She’s actually not a bad catch, just don’t get injured or she’ll be gone. TLDR: Husband got hurt and lost his job. Wife branch swung as soon as her education was completed. ",,54,JudgeDoom69,2018-08-23 15:44:36 marriedredpill,991emh,"Own Your Shit Weekly - August 21, 2018","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit. ",,11,AutoModerator,2018-08-21 08:25:25 marriedredpill,98ztd4,A Sense of Ownership,"Essay: https://therationalmale.com/2018/08/20/a-sense-of-ownership/ Excerpt: **The Need to Know** I’m going to speculate here a bit. I think a strong argument can be made for men’s intrinsic need to verify his own paternity being linked to the Endowment Effect. In fact, I’d suggest that this ownership need can extend to not only a man’s children, but also to the women (even potential women) in his life. This isn’t to say women didn’t also evolve this sense – women display the Endowment Effect as much as men – but I’m going to approach this from the male side for the moment. The video refers to this compulsive need to verify the authenticity of a thing as ‘magical thinking’, but is it really so magical? I think the writer and researcher would have us think this dynamic is silly because it’s ‘just a thing’ right? We shouldn’t place such a high degree of importance on a bicycle or an old guitar. That’s just vulgar materialism, right? Granted, some things, heirlooms maybe, can have sentimental value, but ultimately even those might well be replaceable too. It shouldn’t be so important to know something is magically your own. Unless the thing that’s your own is your only shot at passing something of yourself into the future. The butter knife that Elvis used to spread peanut butter on his peanut butter and banana sandwiches could be anything you can find at Walmart, but if his ‘essence‘ was in someway invested in that knife (and anyone cared to know about it) that part of Elvis might go on into perpetuity. That seems like childish magical thinking until you realize that the only part of the average person’s essence that might actually do this is their children. And until just recently, evolutionarily speaking, there wasn’t any completely dependable way to know if a man was 100% invested in his own ‘things’ – his progeny. His kids would carry on his essence, so in our evolved past it made sense to be obsessive-compulsive about the things that we’re one’s own. As I stated, women also exhibit this effect as well, and I’d argue for much of the same reasons. Though, in none of the research related in this video was this Endowment Effect controlled for by sex – at least none that I’m aware of. Again, this is conjecture, but I would think that with the intrinsic certainty a woman has in knowing a child is her own, and the collectivist communal nature of women in hunter-gatherer society from which we developed, it might be that women place a higher ‘endowed’ value on different things than men do. I think this effect may be more pronounced in an era where women are almost unilaterally in control of Hypergamy. I recently saw a video of a fertility doctor who had either used his own sperm to fertilize women’s eggs, or completely random samples to father about 40 children. The women, the children (mostly female) were absolutely aghast that he was their father or some donor who they would never know had contributed to half their DNA. The idea that the selection and control of Hypergamy was taken from them was worthy of the death penalty. Yet this is exactly the control we expect men to relinquish in this age. We will pat men on the back for abandoning their evolved instinct to ascertain paternity. We’ll tell a man he’s a hero for wifing up a single mother and “stepping up to be a father” to a child he didn’t sire and at the same time pretend that father’s are superfluous. We’ll change ‘Father’s Day’ to ‘Special Person’s Day’ and tell men they’re insecure in their masculinity for preferring a son or daughter of his own – but try to remove that control from a woman, try to tell her that Hypergamous choice wasn’t hers to make and it’s tantamount to rape.",,18,Rollo-Tomassi,2018-08-21 03:41:30 marriedredpill,98vjg9,On Being Alpha,"I have been on a journey to draw a common thread in all this. To find the unifying theory of Red Pill. To date it seems to be a mass of theories and opinions with no cohesion in unifying It with human behavior. Much like string theory to physics, I have this feeling there is something more out there. Maybe I am wrong, much like string theory could be. Maybe I am right. I don't know. Still the journey and study have been rewarding. This is what I have found so far. I have often said that there is no Alpha of Alphas. It doesn't exist in nature and it most certainly doesn't exist in humans. Ask a simple question: why aren't all Alpha males in nature actively fighting each other for their packs/prydes? They don't. They exist yet if challenged within their communities then the Alpha take action. It is an interesting question. Let's start with the fact that Dr. David Mech, the man who gave us the idea of alpha/beta wolf behavior, spends his time trying to remove the concept now. In his own words: > One of the outdated pieces of information is the concept of the alpha wolf. ""Alpha"" implies competing with others and becoming top dog by winning a contest or battle. However, most wolves who lead packs achieved their position simply by mating and producing pups, which then became their pack. In other words they are merely breeders, or parents, and that's all we call them today, the ""breeding male,"" ""breeding female,"" or ""male parent,"" ""female parent,"" or the ""adult male"" or ""adult female."" In the rare packs that include more than one breeding animal, the ""dominant breeder"" can be called that, and any breeding daughter can be called a ""subordinate breeder. So in nature really the Alpha is the one that fucks, and does so often. Ok makes sense. This adheres to Rule Zero. Yet is it enough for a human male? To just exist to fuck? Sex is a mans need. It's written into our DNA yet sex/women are the result of our work not the object of it. Alongside this Maslow's hierarchy is also often talked about. How do these two things go together? It is enough to fuck all wimmens? To strive merely for physical pleasure? This is why Rule Zero is more than just fucking. It's using masculine qualities to achieve in life. To realize there is inherent risks involved in becoming someone you want to be. Making change and moving forward. Women and our relationship to them is an outward sign of this. It is one of the first things taught. Approach, learn game, keep going. For example the Alpha may be the leader, but the Beta is the pack's protector, enforcer and goon. The Beta is also expendable. The rest of the pack has far more complex roles and services to the needs of the family. Does this play out in society? Alphas are usually also veterans, and who would deny tier 1 members not being alpha? Yet sex is not their priority yet it is a natural result of their life. Then comes the little issue of we humans being social primates not canines . Both our brains and behaviors are more complicated than your family dog. Applying a hypothesis about wolf behavior to justify human behavior is a bit of a stretch. However, in our cultural consciousness alpha=leader/alpha=bad ass is as ingrained in our psyche as the right to bear arms. It's not likely to let loose no matter how much KY jelly we smear on it. These days every Tom, Dick and Harry is swaggering around telling anybody who can't get away fast enough, ""I'm an alpha."". Still, we're kind of stuck with the term so let's run with it --knowing it's wrong. Being an alpha is a whole lot more than just ordering people around or intimidating people with the threat of violence (that's called being a bully). it's definitely more than just being able to beat people up. An alpha isn't immune to the things Red Pill abhors. To think such is hubris. An alpha has been there and he acts accordingly, even when he fucks shit up and he will. Life grows from pain. Our biology demands it. Our bodies whither if we sit watching TV but grow and strengthen when put under stress. In the most simplest terms a man must improve, women must forget. There is no end here. When wrong admit it and move on from it. Take your lumps. Always ask yourself: * where am I at? * What am I doing? * Where should I be? You will be amazed at how often these things are not in sync. These fundamental questions your MAP should address. Every mistake in my life I ask these things. Being an alpha has more to do with one's involvement in a group than it has to do with striking out on your own. So the lone wolf alpha? Forget it. The hyper aggressive mad-dog that turns on his own at the drop of a hat. Not going to be in charge for long. This we see in the MGTOW of today. If you study the State of Nature it is theorized that people look for society. They crave it and need it for protection. being an alpha is about the helping develop and maintaining a dynamic, hierarchy and the functionality of the group. One could say this strikes close to the real alpha plague we had where an Alpha is a leader but that is the end result not a skill to develop. Caesar Milan coined the term Insecure Alpha, or that's where I heard it from. I recommend you watch his show. Basically, Caesar's summation of an insecure alpha is a beta dog that is thrust into a leadership position. This dog lacks alpha attributes. Most of all it doesn't have the calm assurance of a true alpha. As such it is unstable and overly aggressive. An additional problem with this is other dogs in this situation also become unbalanced and aggressive. This is what I see in people often, especially men these days with the popularity of 30 Shades. Men who see the awesome porn they want but have no idea how to execute nor get it. I also see it in men who have nothing more than money. They throw themselves around. Make sure everyone knows who and what they are. I see it on the dojo floor, in the bars, on the street. Take a look around. They are everywhere. They have these tricks they like to pull to show off being alpha. One I heard was a guy who would make a loud sound in order to startle everyone then he would strut around the room pointing out beta behavior as he saw it. Thing is noise sensitivity is just that. Sensitivity. It can be trained out of you but it is also perishable. A M109 howitzer suddenly going off next to my head never used to bother me, but years later a paper bag blown up and popped behind my ear can. There's also environment, expectations….I am not expecting a loud bang in my own home, but out on the gun line? Yeah I kind of am expecting it. Now it doesn't take much imagination to take this out of the kennel and imagine the same dynamics occurring under a bad manager. A stressed out manager, gets the entire department upset and on edge. This is usually seen in a street confrontation, where fear of perceived loss of 'respect' will often motivate a beta (who is trying to convince everyone he is an alpha) to over react. Face it you are not Alpha if you aren't leading somewhere in your life and delvering value to it. It is not just enough to be large and in charge. If you have access to 21 University Jack Donovan has a marvelous discussion about this. Lone wolves are rare among people. Humans are, by their very nature, social animals. Even still, some people don't want to be lead, primarily women. They don't. People aren't empty vessels to be filled, they have thoughts, and ideas, and dreams. these can and do get warped by social conditioning. Rollo talked about the Alpha Female. Problem is women do get it warped. With no guidance without proper male influence from the get go, there is no ""Alpha Female"" and it will be a fight uphill to get to that. Some get it once they met an alpha, some do not. For those that plan to teach their daughters consider the concept of Trophic Cascade. While it isn't ours to change the world and society, it will happen by our actions over time. The result. Not the goal. To tangent: what we are building here are self-actualized males, with strong personalities. This requires understanding where something went off the rails and making sense of it. Sometimes this conditioning is so bad no one can see straight. Of course, over time anyone can be conditioned and reconditioned, but as a man who has achieved Alpha status you have to determine if someone is worth that level of commitment from you. While your goal is to establish and lead the group, you must also be willing to remove bad actors. Just are as our nature to love is sacrificial it is also our will to work and give. Everything a man does is rooted in sacrifice. Therefore it stands to reason a man is much more capable of dropping his world and moving forward, but it also means it's harder (sunk cost mentality). Women whom are based in Opportunistic love, do not see it that way. Understanding the idea of the State of Nature, as an Alpha you are providing cohesion and security over the group. Your involvement, leadership and dominance brings the group together. Taking care of it doesn't mean you are sacrificing yourself, and I find it amazing that I have to add this. I know someone will point this out as a weakness. Yet it is true. Think of it more as a garden. The Alpha tends to the group, makes sure there are no weeds, culls the dead plants, ensures it's growing and developing. When it comes to people? Do they really deserve to benefit from your presence? You can and will come to point in all your relationships where you will wonder are you giving more than you are getting from this? Be ready to sacrifice (ie removing people or yourself, leaving your past, moving forward) for what you want. The ultimate risk is becoming who you want to be. ",,33,ReddJive,2018-08-20 17:22:06 marriedredpill,97xkjg,A Simple Trick For Damaging Self-Talk,"Although most of us come here focused on getting something from someone else... (i.e., sex from wife) ...I'd wager that *most* of us end up finding out our work is primarily *internal.* Even if we're fighting with our wife and it's driving us mad, it's really our own reactions that are difficult to master. Even if we're struggling with a Dead Bedroom, it's our own inability to leave - to risk loneliness in search of something better - that's the root of our issues. One of the most common of these internal obstacles is *negative self-talk.* It's quite easy to internalize the critical voices of parents, teachers, and even spouses...to hear their put-downs and vitriol in our minds before anything is ever spoken out loud. When many of us stumble upon MRP, that inner critic is given a **whole bunch** of ammunition with which to demean us. ""She won't fuck you because you're *fat""* ""They don't respect you because you're *weak""* ""Be more alpha; what the fuck is *wrong with you""* Our inner critic simply changes form...same old shit, same old insecurity, just now it calls us ""faggot"" and knows the word *hypergamy.* \------- MRP - and as an extension, owning your shit - are predicated on brutal realism. See reality for what it is, accept no half-truths. The inner critic is not reality, however. It is *overly negative*, as unrealistic as any pie-in-the-sky pollyanna. While owning your shit, and accepting things as they are, is the foundation of self-improvement, negative self-talk only breaks you down...it never builds you up. It's this sense of helplessness, hopelessness, and impotent rage that fuel so many ""anger phases."" We may be upset about our situations, but we're just as angry at ourselves...unable to forgive ourselves for things we didn't know, weren't taught, couldn't do. Somehow, we feel we should have known all this shit already...how could we be so *stupid*? We go from letting others cut us down to just doing it for them. We may even manage to convince ourselves it's for our own good. *Time to get tough, pussy. Time to MAN UP.* \-------- It never really works that way, though. That inner critic? It never goes away. No matter how ripped, how ""alpha,"" how confident you get...there will always be part of you that thinks it isn't enough. Sometimes, you can use that inner sense of disgust to propel you forward....to get you to the gym, to get you out of your room, to take that next big step. Most of the time, though? That inner voice convinces you it's hopeless. It isn't a risk-taker; for all it's talk, it isn't the thing that's going to get you off your ass. Remember back to the last time someone really motivated you; when someone pushed you past what you thought was possible...whether that was a coach, a teacher, a boss, or a friend. Chances are, they didn't spend all their time telling you what a giant piece of shit you were. It's only by shutting down that voice of self-doubt and self-pity that we find the strength to try new things, to push through adversity, to push past our comfort zones. You can't make a pass at your wife if you're telling yourself you're doomed to failure, and you can't flirt with that girl at the bar if you're busy convincing yourself she'd never give you the time of day. \----------- **The Trick** If, like me, you find your inner critic to be relentless...to fuel the worst parts of your personality (the need for validation, the vindictiveness, the sad-sack helplessness)... Then feel free to borrow this simple trick: Whenever you become aware of your inner critic laying into you - whenever you overhear your own negative self-talk? *Imagine that voice as the voice of Donald Duck.* Whatever it's saying to you, let it go - but hear it in Donald Duck's voice. (Elmer Fudd works as well) Somehow, re-framing the voice as outside of yourself - and as objectively dumb-sounding - takes away much of it's power. At that point, you can think more clearly about the kind of shit you *want* running through your brain. After all, ""states become traits,"" and the more we re-focus our mind on the positive, the more we can enjoy ourselves on our journeys to better lives, better sex, and better marriages. Hope this was helpful.",,83,resolutions316,2018-08-17 00:08:13 marriedredpill,97j7cf,The Important of Stoicism to Achieving Your Preferred Outcomes,"**TL;DR** - Your woman experiences your anger as a threat. This is a result of biology. Any time she sees you frustrated, enraged, or anywhere in between, her amygdala goes crazy, and she goes into crisis mode. In order for her to calm down/accept your frame, you **have** to be cool and collected first. ## Intro Life is not fair. The sooner you can recognize this, the sooner you will be able to build habits of thought that will help you cope with your surroundings in a way that produces outcomes you want. It is not fair that Lebron James is a physical marvel that no amount of lifting and practice will let you equal. If you can not accept this fact, then you will go through life bitter at his billion dollar empire, instead of focusing on what you can do to make your life better. That's a contrived and easy example, though. This fact of life is more relevantly applied to your relationship with your LTR and society in general. It is not fair that she can raise her voice and even go so far as to hit you without being perceived as a significant threat, whereas mere body language from you sets off all kinds of alarm bells in her and in wider society. You can act in the exact same manner as your LTR, and it will achieve wildly different outcomes. ## Explanation The reason for this is rooted in the innate differences in how men and women perceive each other. Essentially, women tend to perceive men as more threatening than the other way around, and this reaction is exaggerated. Thus, we have a society that assumes the man is the abuser, to the point that there are essentially *no* shelters for male victims of female domestic violence in America. It is well known that women can physically assault men in public without fear of being policed by the crowd, whereas if the man were to physically defend himself, *he could go to jail.* The list is endless. In personal conflict, this means that, when you begin to display anger, she will exaggerate the threat you present to her. Just firming up your tone can be enough to make her label you an outright threat to her bodily safety. *This is a pure sympathetic nervous system reaction.* She has no practical control over it. When she perceives a threat from you, her amygdala starts to go nuts. This is essentially a one-way street. Your amygdala can send signals to shutdown your prefrontal cortex, but not the other way around. ## The Fallout **Your woman will *never* be able to hear your anger and frustration in its raw form. Ever.** I don't care if you're married to fucking Ronda Rousey (okay, she might be an exception). When you start displaying signs of agitation, irritation, and especially rage, the conversation is effectively over, because she perceives that behavior as a threat that *must* be mitigated. Remember, for women, context/emotions are everything. There's a reason that your woman is so unfocused on rigorously discussing conflict and equitable standards. It's because that topic literally doesn't matter to her. What matters is that she's upset/uneasy. So, when you get angry, this makes her upset, and every single word out of her mouth will be her trying to communicate that fact. With another guy, displays of anger can work as a communication tool. I perceive that whatever it is you're talking about is really important to you, and we broker some sort of compromise. You could be outright flipping tables, and if I know you, I could still remain calm and talk to you about the issue. ## RP Lessons Will Save You There is nothing in the RP lexicon that confirms its value better than the fact that it overcomes this issue. Whatever your objective is, the core tenet of maintaining a calm, almost amused appearance in all situations is so fundamental to interacting positively with the women in your life that RP could be wrong on literally every other front (it most definitely isn't), and it'd still be worth wading through the shit to find this gem. **AA, fogging, negative assertion, and negative inquiry are all tools designed to overcome her threat matrix.** ## How to Internalize Frame Frame is about two things. One, figuring out *what your values/worldview is.* When she comes at you with something from two weeks ago that you've already discussed multiple times, what are your boundaries? Is it acceptable for people in your life to treat you this way? Two, figuring out *how to enforce that boundary.* In my personal view, until you complete and implement this step, your line in the sand isn't a boundary. It's just mental masturbation. How do you achieve both of these with your woman? **WRITE THEM DOWN.** Get a notebook, and come up with as many scenarios as you can. In every single conflict you have with her, write down what she brings up, figure out your boundary, then figure out how to enforce that boundary in a manner that recognizes that the central issue, from her view, is how she *feels* about it. **Make this a daily habit.** **Read WISNIFG.** [Here's a link to a free PDF version.](http://www.leithon.net/huahao/upload/file/20140502/20140502232035_1093.pdf) (You lazy slob) Figure out how to defend your boundaries in a way that does not try to use ""I'm angry"" as a tool. Every single time you turn to ""I'm angry,"" you lose. You could be turning her down flat, and if you can make her feel good about it, she'll *happily* acquiesce, even thank you for it. I promise you this is true. I've had my wife bear hug me when I do this successfully, even though I haven't promised to change my stance one iota for her, and this is a high IQ woman who listens to egalitarian podcasts on an almost daily basis.",,46,Th3JourneyRed,2018-08-15 15:31:36 marriedredpill,976m6c,"Own Your Shit Weekly - August 14, 2018","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. Gentlemen, Own Your Shit. ",,16,AutoModerator,2018-08-14 08:25:40 marriedredpill,972l9j,Married... with Children,"This post is an adaptation of a comment response in a recent AskMRP thread. For the guys with kids in the 0-10 range, read and consider how much this applies to you. I’ve been married for a while and have more kids than I can keep track of so I think I’m semi-qualified to talk about this. **The Obvious but Misleading Problem** MRP tends to focus a lot on the basics like lifting, getting your shit together, developing frame, dressing better, owning the finances, etc. That’s all important and necessary and valuable. You can’t run before you crawl. However, for many guys, that just isn’t enough. This is especially true when you have little kids. When a woman has a baby, her body undergoes massive hormonal changes that affect many areas of her life including libido, values, personality, long-term goals, etc. This response is designed to ensure the survival of a new tiny human who cannot do anything for itself for years. Our species simply won’t survive if moms didn’t have this type of response. So, for you newer guys who are getting into MRP and you have kids under the age of 5-6, you have a tough road to hoe. You can become more fit, make more money, develop frame, internalize RP truths, etc. and still not see the types of results you want because you have two 800lb competitors who are ready to kick your ass. Your competition? The tiny human and Facecrack. You have to remember that women engage the world through their feelings and right now, she is getting a shit ton of hormonal opium from her kid and the validation that it brings on Facecrack. She is a ""mommy"" and that means that most of the time, she is the most important creature on earth and the bestest, most wonderfulest thing ever. She may be terrible at cooking, screwing, and cleaning but she can simply take a couple of ‘cutesy’ pics of the little one and immediately get 50+ comments of “OMGZ SO CUTE” and “YOU ARE SO AMAZING” and “YOU ARE THE BEST MOMMY EVAR!!!” You think your '*passive dread'* stands any chance against that shit? LOL! You are a damn fool if you think it will. **The Real Problem** So, she's fucking lazy. You guys aren't boning like you want, she's soft and pudgy, she isn't interesting, she sucks. Guess what? It's probably your fault. ***You aren't leading***. Leadership is influence and right now, you are losing the influence battle. Women tend to be reactive to their environment and not proactive to making changes unless they are uncomfortable. Right now, her environment is mostly dominated by mommy hormones, mommy stresses, and mommy affirmations from Facebook. This is all much more potent than anything you can *passively* bring. And if you are passive about it, that won't change. She doesn't care how badass you look now, how strong your frame is, how much money you make, etc. if you aren't making her life an adventure. She has something that gives her far more feelz than that and it will stay that way until the urchin is 5-6... unless you guys have more. **The Proof is in the Pudding** That's why you see so many families pop out a few kids, the dad gets fat, the mom goes into full mommy mode for 8-10 years. Once the kids are a bit older, she looks up and realizes that without mommy hormones, her life is boring as shit because her husband is terrible at creating an adventure. So she goes the gym, hits up the trainer, gets a decent body back, and then ""*has no idea how it happened*"" when she has an affair with the lawyer who works out on his lunch hour at the same gym. **The ACTIVE Solution** So, for a lot of guys, the basics aren’t enough. Looking good, dressing better, lifting, more $$, none of it works like you want. Maybe she isn’t quite as passive in bed. Maybe she comes around a little but not the ways you were hoping for. She still basically sucks and not in the right way. What’s the answer? Divorce? Cheat? Listen, I’m not here to moralize but I will say that you brought a tiny human into the world and you, as a man, can probably do better for it than cheating on its mom in the first few years of its life. So, what’s the answer? You. **You are the answer because you are the problem.** Your leadership sucks if you can’t influence her. Leadership *is* active, effective influence. You to lead her to something better than the comfortable shit she is probably used to. Right now, she is probably in a familiar rut of getting up early with the baby, feeding the baby, posting 26 pictures of the baby to FB, getting enormous validation from everyone else about the baby, etc. You need to sell her a better vision. You need to appeal to her feelings, her emotions, her desire for the dramatic and adventurous. So how do you do it? First, own the basics. Sidebar. Lift. Sidebar. Frame. Sidebar. Game. Sidebar. Kino. Sidebar. DEVI. After that? **Purposefully make her life more fun together.** Woo her. Do some fun shit. Figure out how to make your lives an adventure both with and without the baby. Did you guys do anything physical together before the baby? Find a babysitter and book that shit. Go rock climbing, biking, hiking, whatever. Find a way to do something reasonable (entry level) that will still exhaust her and make her realize how out of shape she has become but how in shape you are now... while not rubbing her face in it. In other words, a beach trip is probably a bad idea if she has a baby that's 3 months old and still has 20lb to drop. Don't be autistic. Baby steps are important here or she will go into full retreat mode. You want her to think ""*damn, I forgot how fun that was but I need to get in shape again so we can do that some more!*"" Make her remember that there is more to life than burping the baby, posting pictures on Facebook, and getting way too absorbed in the latest crazes in all the mommy blogs. Create adventure. Dream a little. Talk to her about your vision for the kid. Talk about fun stuff you guys will do together as a family and then start to incorporate some of it now in a way that makes your wife realize she has to get her shit together. Give her a vision or adventure she wants to be a part of because a good physique, solid frame, and money handling skills won't make a bit of a difference versus tiny baby + Facebook. Lead her to better. You are the man. Sell her on the promise (and then fulfillment) of more exciting experiences. **TLDR:** You have competition for her right now in the form of a tiny human that basically causes her body to release some of the most potent chemicals known to man every time it looks up at her or latches on to the titty. And that's ok. But you don't overcome that or compete with that by being a fit, money-handling autistic robot. You overcome it by being **fun**. Women perceive the world through interactive emotions. Give her a better experience than baby + Facebook. Sell her on better. EDIT: For the autistic crowd, this post is about DOING, not talking. Yeah, you gotta talk a little because people aren’t mind readers. But do it during a hike. Talk about vision riding up a ski lift. Do it on a break during mountain biking. Don’t do it while on the couch in between episodes. You sell people on actions, not speech. I should have clarified that. ",,108,CaptJohnLukeDiscard,2018-08-13 21:56:12 marriedredpill,970sgo,[FR] Duty Sex Doesn't Exist,"**FRAME** Lots of guys post about getting duty sex from their wives on both r/askMRP and r/RPChristians. This used to be a thorn in my side in my marriage. Here's the thing, though: I stopped caring. Duty sex is just a frame issue: either (1) she's genuinely not into it, or (2) I'm not into it because I perceive that she's not into it. Either way, my enjoyment of sex is defined by my perception of her emotions. Not good. I concluded that I can have **exciting** sex whenever I want. It only requires two things: - That I have the physical strength to move my wife's body in a way that pleases me, and - That my frame is unshaken by my perception of her enjoyment of sex. I'll add in a bonus one too, which although it's unnecessary it does help a lot: - That I can get my wife on the verge of an orgasm regardless of whether or not she's into it (sorry to those men who can't - like I said, this isn't necessary anyway). I've found that with the first two alone, my wife never actually objects - I was only stifling myself based on my perception of how I thought she'd react. ""My good Christian girl would never do that!"" ... is a total lie that I was believing for too long. If she gives you a hard stop, then stop - no sense getting marital rape charges. But that hard no hasn't actually happened for me since I started this. **EMOTIONAL EMPATH** I have a theory about women being emotional empaths that I haven't done much actual writing on. But the gist is that they emotionally experience whatever their man does. So, when a man sacrifices his happiness to appease her, she's still unhappy because he's unhappy. If he pursues his own happiness even at her expense, she's actually happier as a result - because his happiness empathically rubs off on her. In my experience, this concept applies in the bedroom too. If I think she's just giving me duty sex and I'm not all that excited about it because of her body language, things she says, etc., then she picks up on my non-excitement and I've just created my own nightmare. If I don't care whether she's into it or not and I'm just excited because I've got a hot naked woman in my bed who's letting me toss her around the room ... well, she picks up on my excitement and suddenly gets excited about it too (unless I'm faking it - women see through that crap every time). So, are you going to live in her frame and still believe that duty sex is actually a real thing? Or are you going to get her into your frame to start enjoying sex because you enjoy it? _____ **CHALLENGE** I'm really writing this to look for more feedback from guys who want to test this out. Over the last month or two I can't tell if I'm just not getting duty sex anymore or if I'm actually right about all this and duty sex never existed in the first place. So, for you guys who like to complain about duty sex, get in your own frame, go screw around with your wife for a while, then come back and let me know how it went. **Caveat**: u/rocknrollchuck appropriately suggested that this might not be a great idea for total newcomers who don't even know what their own frame is, much less how to get out of hers. Fair point. A guy's gotta be somewhat attractive first, I suppose, or that hard no will preclude actual reliable results. Don't go Rambo.",,19,Red-Curious,2018-08-13 18:25:19 marriedredpill,96twlt,Divorce brings it all full circle,"Divorce (or the divorce process) is, based off my personal experience - the last phase of a man fully becoming Red Pill. All of the reading, training and all we talk about here, it all comes into focus during the divorce process. AWALT is 100% real, and the hunt for new pussy allows you to see everything from the start through the Red Pill lens. Months into the process, I now live two very distinct lives. Life #1 is the life I am untangling with my wife. It has gotten to the points of daily threats from her. She has withheld prescription medications from our children in an attempt to hurt ME. Hacked my cell phone account (embarrassing considering I am an IT guy) and had my phone shut off. Stalked me on social media to the point I had to block her and all her friends and family, and even tried to remove me from our family car insurance plan - a policy I pay directly. I have her on video coming up to the marital home, looking in the windows, etc. to see what is going on. The amount of fucks I give in Life #1 is in the negative at this point. My lawyer is costing me a ton of money, but my ""cost to fuck"" is going down. She is up to six different infractions of standing orders. Her payout goes down, each and every day as she sinks her own ship. When someone is so focused on drilling holes in your ship, when they finally get kicked out of yours, and they are in their own - they do not know better and keep drilling holes. Life #2 is the other life I live. In this life I have completed my second Big IT certification. I am now double certified in my field. This is huge for my career, and I have been wanting to do it for some time, but my energy was focused on trying to save my marriage and tame my wife. Now, I use that energy on myself Also in this life I continue to kick ass with my kids as their primary custodial parent. No need to say anything further, other than the amount of energy I now have to focus on myself, kids and career is at least 30% more now that I am no longer dealing with the Mrs. and her daily drama. And I thought I was doing pretty good before. You will never know the full extent of being gaslit, until that person leaves and tries to do it from afar. This life also contains an endless supply of Bumble pussy. I have it down to a science at this point. In the last few months alone I am somewhere between 12-16 different women I have dated and fucked. I don't even bother to count anymore. I was at three plates pretty consistently, but I only spin two plates now. I broke the 28yo smoke show a few weeks ago when she dropped the marriage/kids conversation after only 3 weeks of fucking. Personally, I like the 32-37 year old women at this point. Little more mature, and I am OK with that. To many 25-30 year old's just want to day drink on the weekends and week nights. Whatever, not my style. There is no one at this point in their life with no baggage, and I am fine with that. I don't give a shit about their baggage, and manage my own. In this life, I now have a complete and full understanding of the word NO. I have had women that I have rejected go absolutely ape shit on me. ""What kind of man tells me NO!?"" ""Men do not tell me NO!"" I had a woman who is fairly close to my men's social circle overtly ask me to hook up. Nice gal, but I point blank told her I ""do not shit where I eat"" in so many words. The hamster is strong on this one. She still texts me every 3-4 days asking me to reconsider, and go out for drinks. She even said the fact I told her NO, makes her want to fuck me even more. Unbelievable? Nope, it is not. The point of my post is somewhat obscure. I will argue that I am somewhere between still being in the MRP group, but trending towards MGTOW but without the Incel part of it. Its why I do not post on the main TRP sub, and I do not read MGTOW, but I understand the concept. The reason I make this post, is because I now look at the askMRP and MRP threads with a different lens. The last few weeks have had some posts related to the infamous GNO epidemic, a few threads here and there about women wanting to be unicorns, shit tests, a fucking post about a wedding ring and some dumb motherfucker who doesn't know how Finasteride works. All of these posts disgust me now, because they are all about the WOMAN. Who fucking cares? There is an endless supply of pussy out there, and like I was at one time these men are still trying to save a woman from being a woman, or a marriage from failing. Walking away from my marriage, has set me free. I was dodging bullets and no doubt taking one or two in the arm before, but now I can see the code and I stop them dead. These men, and parts of this sub need to go back, focus on the Dread levels and boost up your Abundance Mentality. Go and download Bumble. Put a pic on there of you in a nice suit and see what you can get. I am not telling you to close, but I am telling you that after making the SAME fucking mistake these men are, for 10-12 months - you are wasting your life. You will not give a flying fuck if your wife goes and whores it up on GNO. She is replaceable. You will not care if she wants to be a unicorn. She is replaceable. You will not care about a ring. That ring means shit to her, me, her friends and any other Chad out there. You motherfuckers need to sidebar the fuck up. Get your heads out of your asses, get into the gym and stop letting a woman who is 100% replaceable run your lives. Since my wife left, I have fully replaced everything she did, either with maids, dry cleaners, or 28-35yo smoke shows who will do ass to mouth on the 2nd date. Since she left, she still gets a lousy amount of money from me, drives a car I gave her, lives with some old empty nesters, continues to look for a job, and sees her kids 4 days out of every 14. I am the prize, and if she didn't know then, she sure as fuck knows now. I am going to state, for the record that the single most important attribute a man needs in his life is ABUNDANCE. You need it in everything. In women, career, money, all of it. If you have any single points of failure, you need to fix them right now. If it is Monday, and you cannot fuck another woman than the one you are currently fucking by Saturday night - you fucking suck. If in your career, you cannot go from fired to hired in 90 days or less - you fucking suck. If you cannot walk into the gym tomorrow and lift your body weight on the big three - you fucking suck. If you lay awake at night, butthurt over something she did, or that you didn't get your balls drained how you wanted - you fucking suck. If your kids treat you like shit, are little disobedient fucks, are on ADHD meds because you cant fucking parent or because the need an ass whopping - you fucking suck. If you ask your woman where to go for dinner, if she drives the family car when y'all go out, if you have not been on a family vacation in the past 12 months, or if you have not even been out of your own state in the past 6 - you fucking suck. What is the point of living if you let another person run your life? What is the point of living if you walk in fear of what she will do? Why would you let someone, who is replaceable fully in less than 90 days, even take up that much space in your brain? You need to act. You need to take control of your life, and you need not wait 10-12 months like me to do it. That is 10-12 months of MY life and my kids life I will never get back. Pissed? Yeah - I am pissed at the man I used to be. You faggots need to learn the power of the word NO. You need to understand the power of NOT GIVING A FUCK. The minute you really, truly understand this single item - it makes everything 75% easier. You cannot and never will truly, not give a fuck when you lack abundance. Are you going to learn from my mistakes, or at least put an end to making your own? Or are you going to continue to fucking suck?",,140,red-sfpplus,2018-08-13 00:45:37 TheBluePill,2nj2ed,My compilation of posts on why TRP is sexist and bad for both men and women.,"Since this post has been stickied, I'll add on a few introductory posts for those wondering WTF is TRP? I also changed all the links to archives for posterity. [RAW text here for those who want to easily copy-paste it.](http://pastebin.com/eRHe8Vfk) --- * WTF is TRP? * Ever seen [The Matrix?](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Matrix) (If you answered no, do you live under a rock or something?) If so, do you remember the [scene where Morpheus offers Neo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQ1_IbFFbzA) the choice between taking ['the red pill' or taking 'the blue pill?'](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_pill_and_blue_pill#Background) In the movie, taking the blue pill would result in Neo remaining oblivious to the true nature of the Matrix, while taking the red pill made Neo wake up 'to the true nature of the world.' (Spoiler alerts: fucking robots, man!) * In context of TRP movement, taking the red pill here means a man has awoken to the 'true nature of women.' You can read TRP's sidebar to see more on what this means (hint: don't bother, it's filled with fluff and pseudo-scientific drivel), but a tl;dr is this: women are children, weak, emotionally manipulative, and only after your money. Women can't love, they only seek you for protection (read: money). Women would fuck you over in a heart-beat for a more 'alpha' male. Thus, red pillers seek to work on 'game' (this is where their bullshit about 'TRP is just self-improvement' comes from). 'Game' refers to pick-up artist tactics used to improve their chances of having sex. Things like being confident, becoming physically fit, or anything else you would typically find in a health, fitness, or dating-tips forum for men. Platitudes that are sound advice for *anyone*, but used by TRPers to mask the negative aspect of their belief system. * Why TRP is bad for men: * [Every Man Should Know: Why The Red Pill will Kill you Inside](https://archive.today/pkco4) * [I've denounced TRP lifestyle. The Red Pill is incredibly dangerous, and I know this because I witnessed it first hand.](https://archive.today/BYCk1) * TRP ruins relationships (kudos to /u/ILurvesMeSomePie for this!): * Exhibit A: [TRPer tries MarriedRP advice for a week, now plans to divorce wife of 20 years.](https://archive.is/ip1wk) * Exhibit B: [TRPer tries MRP for 1.5 months, marriage of 2 years is now in shambles.](https://archive.is/p2NAM) * Exhibit C: [TRP convinces man to divorce his wife of 8 years and abandon their son](https://archive.is/81ISe) * Exhibit D: [Man cheats on wife of 15 years, who he fathered 3 children with, because she was too busy with work to give him blowjobs on demand.](https://archive.is/tuVCs) * Exhibit E: [MeRPer throwing away a 13 year marriage because he felt like a 'beta'](https://archive.is/jlg6M) * Exhibit F: [Woman's SO wants out of 8 year relationship after reading TRP.](https://archive.is/EBaJr) * Exhibit G: [""I don't blame TRP for ruining my marriage but rather for making me aware that the woman I married isn't exactly what I thought""](https://archive.is/nVmyr) * Exhibit H: [Wife of 4 years wants 'out' after two-weeks of dread-gaming.](https://archive.is/yVFkZ) * Exhibit I: [Man begins dread-game on wife of 4 years, relationship starts to squander.](https://archive.is/ilNuq) * Exhibit J: [MeRPer's pregnant wife schedules marriage counselling to resolve their issues. TRP convinces him to end it.](https://archive.is/6fiKZ) * Exhibit K: [MeRPer's wife wants to go to couple's therapy. He tells her to fuck off and suck his dick instead. Literally.](https://archive.is/YtHk3) * Exhibit L: [""Before TRP, I thought my wife as my equal and life partner. After TRP, I now know my wife is an evil, scheming, hypergamous feemale.""](https://archive.is/RDG3q) * Exhibit M: [Man gets Christmas bonus, expects his wife to fuck him then and there. Instead she laments how he's been treating her for the past 2 months. He sets her straight.](https://archive.is/di5fx) * Exhibit N: [RP man acts distant and cold towards wife, threatened to divorce her just to keep her in check.](https://archive.is/WGKQa) * Exhibit O: [Wife with cancer is indifferent to husband's toochache. Should he divorce her?](https://archive.is/E4dYU) * Exhibit P: [Married father, with a one-month old child, wants to next his wife so he can spin plates.](https://archive.is/cSBc5) * Exhibit Q: [MeRPer emotionally distresses his wife because she views their finances as shared.](https://archive.is/vbw4u) * Exhibit R: [Married for 18 years. Wants to spin-plates so he cheats on her.](https://archive.is/vLdJ6) * Exhibit S: [MeRPer married for 21 years discovers TRP, dread-games wife with much success.](https://archive.is/FhEDY) * Exhibit T: [MeRPbag calls wife a cunt, walks out, comes back saying ""Sorry not sorry you're such a cunt."" Wife cries. Sex is had. Yay!](https://archive.is/agLUq) * Exhibit U: [MeRPer threatens stressed, overworked wife that he'll look elsewhere if she doesn't open her legs and fuck him right now](https://archive.is/JFnNX) * Exhibit V: [MeRPer drives his wife away after swallowing the pill](https://archive.is/E4WOr) * Exhibit W: [MeRPer married for 4 years, enjoys ""flipping switches in her head"" and ""playing her like a fiddle.""](https://archive.is/cfKSX) * Exhibit X: [TRPer tries to talk his brother out of getting married](https://archive.is/zdI3s) * Exhibit Y: ['Has RP theory made you want to get a divorce?' General Consensus: Yes](https://archive.is/BrwSt) * Exhibit Z: [""Whats the deal with all these married guys actually being happy?"" ""Cognitive Dissonance, yo'""](https://archive.is/aiy7l) * Why TRP is sexist: * Here's MANY, MANY examples showing anyone reading this how TRP is toxic and should be avoided at all costs (ALL quotes directly from TRP members, not ""lies perpetuated by 'tumblr feminazis'""): * [Highlight reel 1](http://imgur.com/a/bGiiW) (**64 quotes**) * [Highlight reel 2](https://imgur.com/a/nrSCv) (**27 quotes**) * [Highlight reel 3](http://imgur.com/a/SLSyy) (**100 quotes**) * [Highlight reel 4](http://imgur.com/a/ms9c6) (**150 quotes**) * [Highlight reel 5](https://archive.today/T84oN) (**10 quotes**) * [Highlight reel 6](https://archive.today/m2RDR) (**14 quotes**) * More examples: * [Women are Children](https://archive.today/Tip7V) by the **top mod** of TRP, @ **+367** * [Women are shit. AWALT. Fuckoff snowflakes, nobody cares you think you're different. Every woman thinks she's special and different and expects to be treated as such. It's all bullshit. Women are remarkably similar to each other across the board and HATE being generalised because of their narcissism. They're so similar psychologically that we can make a fucking subreddit that generalises just over half the human race with an incredible degree of accuracy and use that knowledge as a proficient weapon in helping men get the upperhand in a social system where they're systemically beaten down. The upperhand is something a man needs if he ever wants to come out unscathed with any kind of social contract with a woman. Hypergamy necessitates it. She requires your superiority to be attracted to you, that's probably the biggest joke about ""equality.""](https://archive.today/jKDk3)**+242** * [**Let's play TRP or Elliot Rodgers**](https://archive.today/7na0m) If you don't see this stuff, you are purposefully ignoring the toxic elements of TRP. *TRP is fundamentally an ideology about hating women.* Plus you'll likely end up ruining your relationship. By admitting to following TRP, you are basically telling the world you are an unabashed misogynist. This is undeniable given the countless examples and literally the ideology spelled out in their sidebar. ",,867,IAmAN00bie,2014-11-27 00:04:59 TheBluePill,ovdrfg,Vaush has a very disturbing pre-occupation with bestiality and paedophilia masterpost [NSFW/Trigger warning],,/r/Enough_Vaush_Spam/comments/ou0d2u/vaush_has_a_very_disturbing_preoccupation_with/,149,RobotAnna,2021-07-31 19:50:54 TheBluePill,19eyete,Graduate Study,"My name is Elyse Shires, and I am a student at JFK School of Psychology and Social Sciences at National University, and I am looking for self-identified involuntary celibates or previously identified involuntary celibates, who are 18 and older to take a survey regarding their attitudes and beliefs. You will be completing an anonymous survey online that should take approximately 20 minutes. There will be a demographics section to better understand the population, but no personally identifiable information will be used. To participate in this study, please use this link: [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdHOBN86DIybZQ4TzXf53v8BlAu1i4t\_t6J5\_sUl3CZAKbwbw/viewform?usp=sf\_link](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdHOBN86DIybZQ4TzXf53v8BlAu1i4t_t6J5_sUl3CZAKbwbw/viewform?usp=sf_link) If you have any concerns or questions please contact the IRB at NU IRB at (858) 612- 8384 or via email at irb@nu.edu.",,17,Over-Pin3333,2024-01-25 02:19:33 TheBluePill,18t08k3,Least sexist conservative,,https://i.redd.it/20l8f2tn819c1.jpeg,436,FoeHamma,2023-12-28 18:03:39 TheBluePill,18szdyr,Top-ranked keyboard combatant,,https://i.redd.it/zk6jbbyly19c1.jpeg,50,FoeHamma,2023-12-28 17:29:17 TheBluePill,18sjk2q,4Channer realizes that his Comrades might've lied to him about Society.,,https://i.redd.it/vmav9qs1kw8c1.jpeg,283,FoeHamma,2023-12-28 03:14:14 TheBluePill,18j1acz,"""Protect and Provide"": Where is this coming from?","Over the last 2-3 months, I've noticed that the more right-leaning commenters on all sorts of relationship advice posts will say that a man's role is to ""protect and provide."" In those exact words. Then the other day I saw it used by a polyamorous gay man, and I was like, how did it filter there from the right wing? Lol. I've tried asking a few of the commenters where they heard the phrase, and they instead derail by saying ""well akshually that's been men's role since caveman days wharglbargl."" But that's not what I'm asking! I mean the exact wording itself. What YouTuber (or whatever) said this phrase a couple of months ago and set off all of manosphere-Reddit to saying it verbatim like NPCs? This sub seems like a place where someone might (a) know and (b) understand what I'm asking and not derail it, lol.",,100,greeneyedwench,2023-12-15 14:26:36 TheBluePill,18ijhzy,even the AI Girls don’t want him,,https://i.redd.it/047g5620ma6c1.jpg,35,FoeHamma,2023-12-14 21:42:20 TheBluePill,18g2ojk,The problem with a lot of dudes who want a trad-wife is that they refuse to be a traditional husband.,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/18d5qx3,336,FoeHamma,2023-12-11 20:03:15 TheBluePill,18cy2k5,"""The girl who rejects me must be a w#ore"" Bible neckbeard edition.",,https://i.redd.it/jorm5zmdkv4c1.jpg,228,FoeHamma,2023-12-07 15:29:45 TheBluePill,187wsd1,Is pick me a over used term?,"Is the term “pick me” over used? I’ve seen it used as an insult like simp. A pick me is a term used for “women that bring down other women for male attention” which I understand but if a woman seems to just say something that is helpful or benefits a man she is a pick me. Such as a woman cooking for her boyfriend she will be called a pick me? Considering how much women shit talk covertly and snake each other all the time ex:sleeping with best friends boyfriend or exes. Is the term pick me a cope for mentally healthy women that have a positive outlook towards me?",,19,No_Historian_1601,2023-11-30 23:36:34 TheBluePill,17sbo9h,Field report: My wife just fainted in front of me and I can't tell if she's fallen out of my orbit or if she was just overwhelmed by my strength and power? Can someone help me interpret this before she wakes up and wants to go to the hospital or something?,,https://i.redd.it/6ftla6ybnkzb1.png,48,me-and-my-brain,2023-11-10 19:27:02 TheBluePill,16hxeb4,End Abuse of Women Online Intro: The cause!!,,https://youtu.be/FrN7-UtzuVo?si=03GOidkMfcL9n19q,12,No-Astronaut-4403,2023-09-13 20:10:13 TheBluePill,16h5gvn,Pretty sure this is a strong blue pill view piont?,,https://youtu.be/FrN7-UtzuVo?si=vcf0GDtL6eIDXVSf,10,No-Astronaut-4403,2023-09-12 22:36:17 TheBluePill,16f00g8,Nice Guy - a love song,,https://v.redd.it/zyyd90vzkpc71,62,FoeHamma,2023-09-10 13:14:10 TheBluePill,16dceus,What do you make of the Proud Boys instruction manual?," https://imgur.com/a/GY8Jqxv TL;DR summary of salient points, please keep in mind these are direct quotes, not hyperbole. Highlights include but are not limited to: “We’re mostly christian”… “our fathers participated in slavery.” Western man is the “hero of the slave trade” for abolishing it. Cheers to housewives who create human life. Cheers to guns. Settle disputes in “Sharia court” There is a secret handshake (and you don’t get to know it). They have a literal anthem, many of the lyrics of which revolve around making ones “ma” proud, being a “late bloomer” and “slow for my age.” “We don’t *except* trans men because they aren’t ‘boys.’” Verbatim, with that typo. To earn your second degree of proudness you must list 5 different breakfast cereals while proud boys “pound” you, beat you up. “Shots to the head and below the belt are discouraged but not against the rules.” Then you receive a hug. “A Proud Boy may not ejaculate alone more than once every thirty days… no pornography… and if he needs to ejaculate it must be within one yard of a woman with her consent… she may not be a prostitute… this is our religion.” To earn your third degree of proudness you must get the words “proud boys” tattooed on your body, in a suggested font. “Women tend to assume “chauvinist” means “sexist” but it really means “displaying aggressive or exaggerated patriotism.” We disavow Nazis… and racists.” “We allow weak, beta-male virgins to join because our fraternity is about helping men improve their lives and that includes all men.” “Give everyone a gun… good guys need them too.” “Legalize drugs… prisons will lose their best customers.” “End welfare… stop rewarding single mothers for leaving their husbands.” “Close the borders… we need to build a wall and encourage assimilation.” “Outlaw censorship… this is arguably our most important cause.” “Venerate the housewife… put a ring on it and knock her up… housewives are sentient beings.” “The West is the Best… This is just a hate fact. America was it stolen from the Indians and it was not built on slavery… We fought hard to be #1 and we won… all other cultures are worse than us.” “Shut down the government… we have no respect for the institutions that rob us.” “There has been a lot of talk about whether Muslims should be allowed in. The elders have not settled this.” “Fedoras are banned.” But hey, at least they take gay folks.",,28,dirtyhippie62,2023-09-08 14:41:48 TheBluePill,16bnub2,"The Right Would Like All Women to be 1950s Housewives, Please",,https://www.rollingstone.com/culture/culture-commentary/shakshuka-girl-chelsea-handler-tiktok-matt-walsh-childfree-women-1234818131/,26,vodkacrocs,2023-09-06 15:53:00 TheBluePill,16b1x3d,Gamers rise up,,https://i.redd.it/6k6xqf0uogmb1.jpg,38,FoeHamma,2023-09-05 22:08:56 TheBluePill,16aw4ny,"Shall we all start requesting female surgeons for . . ""Modesty reasons"" 😂",,https://www.theguardian.com/society/2023/aug/30/female-surgeons-patient-outcomes-better-studies,15,No-Astronaut-4403,2023-09-05 18:34:28 TheBluePill,16a8ql5,This post always make me proud to be a women. I wish she was more well known.,,https://i.redd.it/5sogwklln9mb1.jpg,130,No-Astronaut-4403,2023-09-05 00:12:12 TheBluePill,16a0nqo,Confidence is key in life apparently. Fs.,,https://i.redd.it/2fo9mn08n9mb1.png,47,No-Astronaut-4403,2023-09-04 19:00:15 TheBluePill,169wnid,The Internet Is at Risk of Driving Women Away,,"https://www.wired.co.uk/article/women-internet-harassment#:~:text=A%20UNESCO%20study%20of%20journalists,in%20connection%20to%20online%20abuse.",8,No-Astronaut-4403,2023-09-04 16:30:59 TheBluePill,169k8wv,"It's women who sexualize themselves, not men. 🤡",,https://i.redd.it/x7oy4z3en6mb1.png,10,Loud-Camera-660,2023-09-04 06:27:52 TheBluePill,166gk75,Least unhinged incel,,https://i.redd.it/s9l4g5zj86lb1.jpg,106,FoeHamma,2023-08-31 16:58:48 TheBluePill,166iakx,Taint Quotes,,https://i.redd.it/978kvfpzjhlb1.png,26,No-Astronaut-4403,2023-08-31 18:05:38 TheBluePill,166h1r8,Real matrix,,https://i.redd.it/3ff4decobhlb1.png,11,No-Astronaut-4403,2023-08-31 17:18:02 TheBluePill,166ez31,When The Harassment Of Women Moves Online - The stats in this are proof of a matrix designed to oppress women. Who'd of guessed.,,https://www.forbes.com/sites/ewelinaochab/2023/03/08/when-the-harassment-of-women-moves-online/,2,No-Astronaut-4403,2023-08-31 15:56:22 TheBluePill,163sc9u,Join us Dylan,,https://i.redd.it/ldte91acfnkb1.jpg,90,FoeHamma,2023-08-28 17:31:07 TheBluePill,162tfj5,The future of sex doll technology,,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZWmMh0sq5A&ab_channel=vvv%E2%80%94okay,18,FoeHamma,2023-08-27 15:30:18 TheBluePill,161tvj3,What do you think of the groyper community on twitter?,,,0,jaddenlaser-,2023-08-26 12:25:49 TheBluePill,15zi6db,"""Alpha male"" podcaster breaks down and nearly cries after announcing he's been demonetized on YouTube",,https://i.redd.it/9n5t246kwvjb1.png,110,FoeHamma,2023-08-23 22:00:27 TheBluePill,15yy2ss,Women are shapeshifters,,https://i.redd.it/zckob3ngqtjb1.png,74,pagenotfound000,2023-08-23 08:53:36 TheBluePill,15y1wxi,"Boyfriend who is old enough to be my father is having a tantrum because I didn't call him sir consistently, SOS?",,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/15y1wxi,95,pagenotfound000,2023-08-22 10:35:41 TheBluePill,15we7pi,The redpill mindset cannot exist without misogyny and resentment (3 pictures- read description),"Red is the original poster, wanting help with dealing with a difficult 8yo daughter. Is surprised she acts like this as his wife is so 'obedient'. Redpiller mixed with Christianity. Orange calls the 8yo a 'woman who wants attention' and a 'bitch'. We then see that orange has divorced and wants stories about ex wives suffering.",https://www.reddit.com/gallery/15we7pi,65,[deleted],2023-08-20 15:22:38 TheBluePill,15vfjjf,"""Alpha male"" gets exposed.",,https://i.redd.it/8vvnr3z321jb1.jpg,179,FoeHamma,2023-08-19 12:54:02 TheBluePill,15ufsul,"Fellas, is it betacuck to be good in bed?",,https://i.redd.it/jx024fk1auib1.jpg,98,throwlegalaway12358,2023-08-18 09:39:12 TheBluePill,15omdve,The Incel Vikings,,https://v.redd.it/xi67rpqo09hb1,20,FoeHamma,2023-08-11 22:10:01 TheBluePill,15m30m4,What would have happened if Neo took the blue pill?,,,11,t-n-g-1999,2023-08-09 03:03:11 TheBluePill,15k5ebo,Most normal Reddit incel,,https://i.redd.it/wr8fhfxtwjgb1.jpg,113,FoeHamma,2023-08-07 00:29:39 TheBluePill,15jor4w,Women aren't allowed to have organs now,,https://i.redd.it/ghm7bb5rccgb1.png,126,FoeHamma,2023-08-06 12:44:27 TheBluePill,15eh6j3,My masculinity is such a fragile thing that if I even think about the color pink… It will be gone!,,https://i.redd.it/j688kt6ra7fb1.jpg,151,FoeHamma,2023-07-31 14:06:16 TheBluePill,15alem0,Empower your toilet today!,,https://i.redd.it/lqo5b4hnideb1.png,67,FoeHamma,2023-07-26 23:29:44 TheBluePill,15afdkz,Documentary,"Hi, I am currently making a documentary on the red pill/ manosphere space and I'm looking for participants who want to share their stories about their experience with the red pill/ manosphere space. The documentary is covering the reasons for the surge in the popularity of the red pill and why people are attracted to the Red Pill. I want to make this as balanced as possible and try to get both sides of the argument why people subscribe to that ideology and why people are against it. So if you fall on either side and want to participate just DM me and we can try to set up an interview. &#x200B; Thanks",,5,ssat21,2023-07-26 19:34:07 TheBluePill,1535ddc,The perfect gentleman,,https://i.redd.it/0ce1ectycmcb1.jpg,167,FoeHamma,2023-07-18 17:54:45 TheBluePill,14uwrnr,Do you think being very handsome and super intelligent and wealthy will make it easy to steal someone's girl?,"Like just swoop in and befriend her or ask her out and then convince her that her current partner isn't putting enough effort into pleasing her. Then she leaves him and goes to you. /s cause I'm not a cruel person.",,1,throwawayexist2002,2023-07-09 11:57:32 TheBluePill,14nc7nd,The “why am I still single/a virgin?” starterpack,,https://i.redd.it/ntswqci1e69b1.jpg,110,FoeHamma,2023-06-30 21:09:06 TheBluePill,14moz4l,"""Should I pick the ugly asshole or the attractive asshole? Hmmmm...""",,https://i.redd.it/od8jhyvrtz8b1.jpg,53,FoeHamma,2023-06-30 03:23:39 TheBluePill,14jpoau,Top g finally got educated,Top g says inspirational words ,https://v.redd.it/ahr6c7zure8b1,54,One-Milk2311,2023-06-26 18:49:57 TheBluePill,14jdxbm,"No, men have made women fear men",https://www.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/14j0at0/the_media_has_made_women_truly_fear_men/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button,,13,SabineLavine,2023-06-26 10:46:43 TheBluePill,14gyqe0,What incels REALLY want,,https://i.redd.it/c9iq407yhq7b1.jpg,84,FoeHamma,2023-06-23 13:33:59 TheBluePill,14h4qy5,Women never getting the recognition for supressing emotions and why feminism is concerned about mens mental health. Enough for me to end my life. Any other women feel like this.,"Hello, I hope you're all well. I have the condition known as Depersonalisation-derealisation disorder which I have experienced for 3 years. It is a result of severe trauma especially from my childhood years and isn't a condition I would wish for anyone to experience. I am not someone who has the ability to be emotionally vulnerable and show emotions besides from smiling and laughing a lot. In the UK there is projects like Andy's man club and Man shed are spaces where men can be vulnerable and express thier emotions. I'm sure many do cry in these places and in therapy. I heard numerous men share thier experiences of them being vulnerable for example having a coffee with a coworker and having a cry with them at work. There has been several men that have been vulnerable to me and said things like 'my job made me depressed'. I could never show that vulnerbailty, I'm the kind of person to just deal with it on my own, and never show any struggles. Even if someone asked I would say my job didn't make me depressed. Sounds familair for one gender, oh wait not my gender. IT IS NOT FAIR MEN GET RECOGNITION FOR EMOTION SUPRESSION AND NOT BEING ABLE TO BE VULNERABLE BUT NOT WOMEN. Another male randomly on a dating site 'I have never felt like this before'. I would never be open about my emotions like that, or be vulnerable like that! Infact given my trauma if life got unbearable it would be s\*\*cide for me, whilst hiding it all with the biggest smile on my face. According to this misognistic society I would talk to other females, express my emotions and talk about my struggles because I'm a woman. Another man: 'I'm going to take my life away' I'm the silent type so I would never admit this and if things were unbearable I would attempt su\*\*cide. A guy posted a photo on Snapchat with the caption 'I have insomnia and can't take this anymore' whilst crying in his photo. I can't even imagine doing that!! I find that weak. Not weak for him but for me! It's not in my nature especially since I have dealt with all of my struggles all on my own throughout my life. The irony here is that this is how men behave according to society and how I behave is how all men behave when it comes to emotion supression and showing vulnerability. If these examples are where men have show vulnerability, are able to talk about their struggles and openly express thier emotions to me and according to society men do not show vulnerabilty and express theor emotions THAN WHAT IS IT FOR THOSE WOMEN THAT CANT EVEN DO THIS?! Apparently men expect to seek comfort or go to the closest female member if they are in distress. If I experienced something distressing I would find it weak for me to seek comfort from another human, also I don't have the ability to be vulnerable or to express emotions openly and hide everything. Never would I go to someone for comfrort or support. If it all gets too much I would end my life. All the men I've came across also recieve warmth from other men even if it's touching thier bros on thier shoulder or shaking hands with each other. These are some men who put love hearts on each others posts. I don't even use the crying emojis and do not use love hearts on social media! If only society as aware of how I supress my emotions and not have the ability to be vulnerable would be great. Emotional regulation and being vulnerable is not asscoiated with gender but a how a person's emotional needs were met and how they regulated their emotions during thier childhood. Men are taught not not be vulnerable and show emotion from a young age, but that does not mean they don't have the ability to be vulnerable and show emotion! There are porbably men who can't show vulnerability not because they are men but due to the trauma they have experienced during thier childhood years. It is sickening how women are percieved! Society: Telling a male feminist about my experience:. His reply.""It's a man thing"". A misognistic and unempathic thing to say. Implies that women do not supress thier emotions and are able to show vulnerability. Microagression there. Also implies my experince of emotions suppression not valid and not normal as I'm a woman. This 'feminist' openly talks about his own isseus very openly. Feminism: Posts including it's okay for men to cry talk. Implies that women cry, talk, provide emotional support to other women. Triggering for women who can't even do these things! Another man: ""We as men don't show emotions"": a man who openly shared the trauma he has experinced without my consent (vulnerability straight there), brags how women are emotional and sexaully harassed me. NO YOU AS MEN CAN SHOW VULNERABILITY TO OTHERS! Other men: ""We as men find it hard to be vulnerable"". Rather be pressure by society to not be vulnerable and have the ability to be vulnerable. Women: Us women can talk about things. Degrading, hurtful and unfair for women that can't talk about things? In fact a trigger for suicide for me. Women: advocating by posting Andysman Club, It's okay to cry posts. Probably the women that openly can express thier emotions. Most men that I come across don't even smile doesn't that show sadness, to me that shows that they may be struggling. Imagine hiding that with a smile on thier faces. I understand that smiling is seen a a feminine trait. If men supress their emotions and can't show vulnerability due to pressure from society and get the recognition from society than how horrific is it for women who supress thier emotions and can not show vulnerabilty at all? I would rather be a man who is able to show emotion and be vulnerability and not experience sexual harrassment on a daily basis than be a woman who will never get the recongniton for emotion supression by society. If men like this get recognition for emotion suppression, can you imagine how rough it must be for women that supress thier emotions. If only those men were in those women or my shoes that can not even show the slighest vulnerabilty that these men have shown!!! Women attempt suicide more times than men. I can't even imagine the trauma especially if there attempts fail. This is not even discussed in society. I don't have any female equivelant of bros. Why do men really get the recognition for emotion supression and not being able to show vulnerabilty, high suicide rates. BECAUSE MENS SUFFERING IS VALID IN SOCIETY AND WOMENS IS NOT. I'm certain my brother would talk to his friends too if something distressing happened. Equally my brother has said to his male friends 'talk to me bro'. Even if men talk to to each other about thier struggles they still get recognition for not taking about thier struggles. I have no one!! I have nothing agasint men getting support or recognition for toxic masculinity and I would wish nothing but the best for people and wouldn't want people to suffer! Imagine if we lived in a society where a man says. ""We as men get the recognition for emotion supression and not being vulnerable due societal pressure but can you imagine what it must be like for women who supress their emotions and can not be vulnerable but don't get any recognition and on top of that experience ageism and the every day casual sexism, can you imagine how hard that must be"". I will experience this suffering forever and it's only going to get worse as I age. Men getting the recognition for emotion supression, not having the ability to be vulnerable whether it's through posts, generalisations about this or even male suicide will always trigger me to be suicidal. Usually I wouldn't post this, accept reality and keep dealing with things on my own ( I wouldn't even admit this normally). I'm the kind of person not to get help. I have tried therapy several times and I can not show any vulnerability in therapy and cry. I can not show vulnerability at all or talk about my feelings!! I probably never will due to the level of trauma I have experienced. I can't wait to leave this world. I hope there is a god and justice. Given the trauma and opression I have experienced and the wolrd we live in it's impossible for me to believe there is. I can't beleive we live in a world like this. P.S. Could not do EMDR as I couldn't be vulnerable. LIVING IN A SOCIETY WHERE MEN GET RECOGNITION FOR EMOTION SUPRESSION MAKES ME SUICIDAL. Thanks for reading.",,15,NewPlay9883,2023-06-23 17:40:13 TheBluePill,14gdleh,Incels: “foids have unrealistic standards!” Also incels:,,https://i.redd.it/7jid8iz6pj7b1.jpg,129,FoeHamma,2023-06-22 20:11:18 TheBluePill,14en7w1,"""First they came for the Sex Trafficking Groups and I said nothing""",,https://i.redd.it/hqfglmnsv57b1.png,189,FoeHamma,2023-06-20 21:06:08 TheBluePill,14dyrqo,One of life’s greatest mysteries 🧐,,https://i.redd.it/4f8vg9lj907b1.jpg,75,FoeHamma,2023-06-20 02:45:38 TheBluePill,147wtlj,A reply to an underage girl posting about harassment from older men at work,,https://i.redd.it/k9lyfg43dn5b1.jpg,423,spartan1216,2023-06-12 20:30:02 TheBluePill,1484q57,The ultimate proof that incel ideology is bullshit,,https://i.redd.it/exo6k6meam5b1.png,21,FoeHamma,2023-06-13 02:56:01 TheBluePill,143ecee,The incel endgame,,https://v.redd.it/n7u508cwnh4b1,120,FoeHamma,2023-06-07 14:11:17 TheBluePill,143h0ck,Ok coomer,,https://i.redd.it/s7tf2ey8zg4b1.jpg,34,FoeHamma,2023-06-07 15:56:26 TheBluePill,142mfb6,🍑,,https://i.redd.it/lgyayw0aff4b1.jpg,35,FoeHamma,2023-06-06 17:05:10 TheBluePill,141eevx,😬,,https://i.redd.it/h14lai7y354b1.jpg,93,FoeHamma,2023-06-05 13:21:44 TheBluePill,1408hpq,Can someone help me refute this article?,"Hello, I came across this article from that incels forum and even though I know of some information that is incorrect, I don't know how to respond to this, I would prefer detailed answers. https://incels.is/threads/females-are-psychopaths-a-socio-historic-review.483658/",,20,jaddenlaser-,2023-06-04 10:12:35 TheBluePill,13sgm8f,Prime foids,,https://i.imgur.com/OfwMkbn.jpg,94,FoeHamma,2023-05-26 15:42:50 TheBluePill,13o5uxg,Why Are The MGTOWs So Obsessed With Women? Just Go Your Own Way Already,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/13o5uxg,256,Banana1134-,2023-05-21 20:47:02 TheBluePill,13kyrti,German women are Chads apparently,,https://i.redd.it/s45if3633k0b1.png,119,FoeHamma,2023-05-18 13:08:59 TheBluePill,13dv7ls,The Red pill is a cult," Red Pill is a Cult that is brainwashing young men to be misogynist. This cult is based on evolutionary psychology, violating the is/ought problem , dehumanizing women and selfishness. Cult - a relatively small group of people having religious beliefs or practices regarded by others as strange or sinister. 1. Rollo book the Rational male literally says its based on evolutionary psychology in the description on Amazon. Anyone who knows anything about science particularly soft sciences vs hard sciences knows that evolutionary psychology is a pseudoscience with a hypothesis that is not falsifiable. "" frequent criticism of evolutionary psychology is that its theories and assumptions are not falsifiable. One theory, for example, asserts that human social behavior is guided by specific evolved predispositions that were selected because they enhanced reproductive success during human evolutionary history"" Similar to religion, most young men aren't educated to combat such rhetoric because we don't teach it in schools just like the proposition of a God. Therefore Red Pillers can claim whatever they want unchallenged in regards to men and women in these spaces. Red pillers will misrepresent studies saying there's causation, refer to pseudoscience and would even refer to Feral children ( raised without any or very low socialization with some found in the wild ) if certain behaviors manifested that were in alignment with Red Pill belief but it doesn't.There's not many feral children so it's difficult to reach a firm conclusion but they all lack a sense of gender or even sexuality for most of them. I personally believe we undermine socialization not realizing without it we wouldn't resemble anything we expect today from a woman or man. Interestingly enough red pillers will claim that beauty standards for men and women are uniform across time appealing to evolutionary psychology. Meanwhile beauty standards have changed during history and are different around the world.Red pillers would never appeal to evolutionary psychology to explain the Greco-Roman period where pederasty/homosexuality was normalized,edo period where there was a 3rd gender called the wakashu and where homosexuality was normal etc.They only appeal when it benefits them. 2. Red pillers often violate the is/ought problem. I don't know how many times I've seen Red Pillers say "" Men and women are different ( fill in the blank)"" That doesn't follow , if you told a Christian "" Men and women are different - therefore men should be able to sleep with other women in a relationship as a woman enjoys the security she's receiving in one"" That doesn't follow , it will fall upon deaf ears because the Chrisian hasnt agreed with the OUGHT. You can't provide descriptions and then give a prescription. We must first agree with the prescription. Even the most fundamental description that relies on our existence is the ability and wanting to procreate . You can't tell someone that your body is meant to procreate therefore men and women OUGHT to procreate turning it into a normative statement .You do not get oughts from descriptions . I've seen so many young men brainwashed speak with such indignation of this community saying "" men and women are different "" to say whatever they want looking at women with vitriol for not behaving as such . Another reason why this is a cult . 3. This cult doesn't treat women like they are human. Kevin Samuel's telling men it's OK to physically discipline your wife if she consents even referencing Sean Connery. Red pillers telling men to leverage your wealth to treat women how they WOULDN'T want to be treated. Example https://www.reddit.com/r/NotHowGirlsWork/comments/ymxuap/kevin_samuel_supporting_domestic_violence_i_know/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button This cult lacks character, it tells men to leverage your wealth even if it's exploitive to a woman's financial state to get what you want hence the passport bros and the like. Men who can't get modern women so they seek poor countries to exploit women making them into bang maids .This cult raises men to be a psychopath when it comes to women . I see this hang up on consent continually where any behavior is considered non-normative if she consents . 4. Red pillers invoke concepts to actively shame men and women in order to coerce such as masculinity and femininity. When invoked these labels are to establish a normative perception of what one ought to do in virtue of their sex independent of being a good partner. For example , I've seen men be content as a masculine man because they make more money however their significant other needing help with child rearing , cooking or cleaning doesn't draw out this feeling of not being a masculine man . These labels are worthless making men weak . It's an effort to control a mass of people similar to a religion . Whatever entails a good partner is what we should strive for even if everything a good partner is considered feminine by some group . If being a feminine man entails a good partner by some group label then all men should be feminine or rather just ignore such labels that attempt to trigger some shame or guilt in virtue of sex. This is another reason why this is a cult . Men being brainwashed and bogged down mentally by concepts that are irrelevant",,265,No_Cricket_2824,2023-05-10 16:08:35 TheBluePill,13b3n6t,UNO Reverse,,https://v.redd.it/hcp2kmsrriya1,238,LeadProfessional6429,2023-05-07 21:34:34 TheBluePill,13ammyk,"Needing to PAY women to hang around you doesn't sound very alpha, just saying...",,https://i.redd.it/6as2dae97cya1.jpg,323,FoeHamma,2023-05-07 12:42:24 TheBluePill,1388aby,Anime pfp moment,,https://i.redd.it/ap82rvifyuxa1.jpg,157,FoeHamma,2023-05-05 02:44:01 TheBluePill,136q6b7,"When someone tells you who they are, believe them",,https://i.redd.it/q4scn48y5nxa1.jpg,207,FoeHamma,2023-05-03 15:17:06 TheBluePill,136ut6k,(M)en (G)etting (T)riggered (O)ver (W)omen,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/136j8eo,36,FoeHamma,2023-05-03 18:07:37 TheBluePill,1320z6z,"“If a 6’2” millionaire Chad can’t abuse his wife what hope is there for cheeto stained, beer gutted basement dwellers like me?”",,https://i.redd.it/rwq7d4jvsjwa1.jpg,353,FoeHamma,2023-04-28 16:43:11 TheBluePill,13233uy,Rules for thee…,,https://i.redd.it/rlhiaz2zymwa1.jpg,18,FoeHamma,2023-04-28 17:16:47 TheBluePill,12vd96r,I noticed something about manosphere types,"Maybe this is obvious to other people but I'm just noticing it. There's little to no mention about mental/intellectual connection. Just ""are they hot"" and ""do they have gender-normative skills"". Even when talking about LTRs. Hell many don't want college educated women. I get it if you're just looking for hookups. But do people really think relationships or marriages stand on hotness and how well she can cook and keep house/how much he makes? That couples just don't talk outside of hubby/wifey things? It strikes me because my parents basically had a trad/redpill type relationship, but from what I'm told, there was a lot of mental respect. My dad talked to my mom about his (highly technical) work and had a lot of respect for the (non domestic) skills she had that he didn't. They had adjacent educations, actually met at a college reunion and then didn't talk for months because both were busy with their careers before they settled down. Indeed I was always told that ""smart men like smart women"", and that those scenarios where a wealthy, educated man runs off with his hot secretary often don't work out because of the educational divide - sure she keeps house and is great in bed but when those are done...there isn't really anything. I mean at least some guys go mask off and think women aren't worth talking to unless you want to sleep with them. Others suggest that ""things in common"" come after you establish how feminine she is and once she's put out. Maybe all of this would be dismissed as bluepill delusion on my part, but I was reflecting and the lack of even mentioning it in the context or marriage/ LTRs got to me.",,161,AllTooHuman65,2023-04-22 17:36:43 TheBluePill,12rtpua,What do incels have against girls who listen to Pink Floyd?,,https://i.redd.it/wnf8h0tjzuua1.jpg,328,FoeHamma,2023-04-19 13:42:21 TheBluePill,12ohd0o,"The ""I go to Asian countries to meet women because I can't get laid at home"" starter pack",,https://i.redd.it/pag88xqkdxta1.jpg,254,FoeHamma,2023-04-16 17:04:42 TheBluePill,12nagj2,Incels exist across all species,,https://i.redd.it/trbjkrrx02ua1.jpg,175,FoeHamma,2023-04-15 16:40:21 TheBluePill,12jnvwd,Game over,,https://i.redd.it/exj0zbs7xgta1.jpg,198,FoeHamma,2023-04-12 14:25:54 TheBluePill,12jpwsf,Incel for life 🤙,,https://i.redd.it/efc2v5h3c7p91.jpg,75,FoeHamma,2023-04-12 15:34:52 TheBluePill,12hpm1d,Eau d’incel,,https://i.redd.it/n0mlgmsrbxsa1.jpg,204,FoeHamma,2023-04-10 17:26:29 TheBluePill,12fxl37,Who wants to tell him that Hans Landa was the bad guy?,,https://i.redd.it/vyassrc6vosa1.jpg,159,FoeHamma,2023-04-08 20:33:32 TheBluePill,120kedf,Incelephant,,https://i.redd.it/oq0qmqezllpa1.jpg,321,FoeHamma,2023-03-24 13:31:46 TheBluePill,120jcqc,"Weirdos complaining about the ""ugliness"" of women in the Resident Evil 4 remake. Guy in the first tweet is defending the new designs, he then gets flooded with insults saying how they look hideous and how he loves ugly women.",,https://i.redd.it/r72c0hxekmpa1.png,265,FoeHamma,2023-03-24 12:53:11 TheBluePill,11xmby5,Some things never change,,https://i.redd.it/ztez44vw9moa1.png,199,FoeHamma,2023-03-21 16:37:58 TheBluePill,11utw7e,I've noticed a double standard.,"Why do ""red pill"" types criticize women dating multiple guys, only for them to date multiple women and encourage their subscribers to do so? It's like they create the very single mothers they go on to complain about.",,213,[deleted],2023-03-18 17:08:43 TheBluePill,11rz6n8,Female soldiers are based,,https://i.redd.it/0xknamvn1vna1.png,275,FoeHamma,2023-03-15 15:09:02 TheBluePill,11r7zqn,Make Women Great Again,,https://i.imgur.com/jneptof.jpg,181,FoeHamma,2023-03-14 14:43:20 TheBluePill,11mweqq,"I did not expect the second paper to go live just days after the first one, but here is the SECOND paper published regarding our TRP research project (this one is a qualitative methodology guideline paper)",,https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/16094069231162674,60,BluePillResearchProj,2023-03-09 16:21:23 TheBluePill,11kogyw,"As promised, here is the (first, another one in press) article published from our project which recruited here!",,https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/10926771.2023.2186302,44,BluePillResearchProj,2023-03-07 04:01:04 TheBluePill,11a3fh3,Guy calls real women “fat” and “disgusting”. Seeks out AI girlfriend instead not noticing AI rated him a 1.5,,https://i.redd.it/1uk2g71z10ka1.jpg,240,FoeHamma,2023-02-23 17:31:29 TheBluePill,116k76t,"“It's women's fault that my dick is small!""",,https://i.redd.it/4h2wr7w4o6ja1.jpg,269,FoeHamma,2023-02-19 18:31:42 TheBluePill,10sqof1,Removing himself from the gene pool,,https://i.redd.it/ns8vqkp9zmfa1.jpg,201,FoeHamma,2023-02-03 17:59:00 TheBluePill,10qh9re,What too much redpill does to a mf,,https://i.redd.it/iqik5vmcyifa1.jpg,361,[deleted],2023-02-01 01:52:49 TheBluePill,10ikexp,The Redpill 1 Year Later,"Long Post Incoming This is a throwaway. I'll be deleting this soon. Don't know if this post will be allowed but this place seems to be as good as any. Kind of a vent. Kind of asking for advice I guess. I'm a male in my 20s. I never really considered myself RP but fuck it I might as well be at this point. About a year ago I started watching RP/Manosphere content. I still remember the video but I have no idea what I was watching that would have the algorithm suggest it in the first. I wish I never watched that fucking video. At first I watched it the content pretty casually. Maybe like half a dozen videos a week. I thought it was funny. Just women being kind of shitty people or making cringe videos complaining about men. There were plenty of videos out there about guys doing the same and complaining about women so there didn't seem like there was anything wrong with it. Slowly, though, I started to believe what I was being told. In my own head I started looking down on other women thinking ""I bet she just wants a man to pay her bills"" or ""She never give me the time of day, I'm not a Chad"". I've been single most of my life. Never had much desire for marriage or kids but after watching RP content I pretty much became militant about it. Holding on to my mentality that marriage and children are the dumbest decisions a man can make. When I noticed I was changing I tried pulling back and I did for a month or two. Then it just happened again. I got sucked into. But it was worse. Every waking minute of my freetime I was watching more content and more creators. Then i found myself on reddit after being a lurker for sometime. I didn't immediately go looking for more RP. Instead, I found myself on subs like r/PurplePillDebate and r/TwoXChromosomes. And I found out that so much of what I was told was bullshit. About Hypergamy. AF/BB. Women looking for the most alpha partner they can find. It was bullshit. I wished it stopped there but this is where things turned because the more time I spent in those subs, the more I learned about women...and men. - Women were less likely to cheat the men. - Women were less likely to leave their partners after a serious injury then men. - Women were happier being single then men. - Women were more social then men. - Women matured and developed faster than men - Men are the majority of violent crimes in the world. - Men were more likely to commit self-deletion. I'll admit I was looking for something that men did better than women. Not because I wanted to feel superior but more like, women are better than men at one thing and men are better than women at something else so it evens out. I didn't find much. Physical strength that's obvious. We're even in overall intelligence. But looking at all of this information took me from looking down on women to now feeling like they've been looking down on me. I know this is all in my head, I know that. But it never stops. Over the past couple of weeks I've just felt a rage and hatred in me that I didn't even know existed. Towards men. Towards women. Towards myself. Just everyone. It's cooldown a bit over the last few day. It's mostly depression, self-loathing, and self-pity now. The funny thing is I never thought any of this before watching RP content. My whole life I always viewed men and women as equals. I never had a reason to think different. So after a whole year, here I am. Filled with anger, bitterness, and defeatism that I have no idea what to do. I still doomscroll the subs. I still watch the videos. It's like I'm trying to give myself a reason to be angry and stay hateful. My insecurities at an all time high. My self-worth fucking obliterated. No idea what to do now but open to whatever advice anyone has. EDIT: Hi all. It's been about 2 months since I made this post. This is for anyone new or returning to this post. I probably won't respond much since I'm trying to use social media sparingly. Like many commentors suggested I'm trying to get offline for awhile. A quick update on how things are going on my end. I've stopped watching RP videos. It's hard because I still think about it but I know that if I start doing it again it won't stop with just one video. I'm talking to a therapist on Betterhelp. I did look up some reviews about the site and I know there's some controversy surrounding it. I've been mindful about this but my therapist seems good so far and has been helping me work through some of my issues. It's slow but I do feel like things are getting better.",,201,[deleted],2023-01-22 14:06:02 TheBluePill,10ha7ju,“Western women have been ruined by feminism!” 1920’s edition,,https://i.redd.it/21laefv9h5da1.png,328,FoeHamma,2023-01-20 22:13:32 TheBluePill,10dfg9s,Cum is stored in the titties,,https://i.redd.it/wnz1iii2jaca1.jpg,204,FoeHamma,2023-01-16 14:08:42 TheBluePill,10dn3eq,I Interviewed Rollo Tomassi,,https://www.gameglobal.net/rollo-tomassi-the-red-pill/,2,Ice666White,2023-01-16 18:22:05 TheBluePill,10clws8,Commenting on a one-way mirror in a women's restroom in China,,https://i.redd.it/g3hka0gl18ca1.png,162,humanzookeeping,2023-01-15 15:01:59 TheBluePill,10b9gyl,Ex-nice guys reacting to Megamind (aka the movie every incel needs to watch and internalize),,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OjpxlBRbhXs,54,FoeHamma,2023-01-13 23:47:56 TheBluePill,10ayzni,future school shooter,,https://v.redd.it/gc7w26pe1tba1,113,FoeHamma,2023-01-13 16:40:02 TheBluePill,10b3tcx,I made a story about Nice guys vs bad boys with Chat GPT,"The town was divided into two groups: the ""nice guys"" and the ""bad boys."" The nice guys were known for their kind hearts and good deeds, always willing to help others in need. The bad boys, on the other hand, were notorious for their wild ways and reckless behavior. One day, a group of women from the town decided to hold a contest to determine which group was truly worthy of their affection. The nice guys and bad boys both accepted the challenge, each determined to prove their worth. The contest began, and the nice guys quickly took the lead with their acts of kindness and generosity. They helped the elderly with their groceries, cleaned up the park, and even raised money for a local charity. The bad boys, however, were not to be outdone. They organized a wild party and invited everyone in the town to attend. The party was a huge success and everyone had a great time. As the contest drew to a close, the women were torn between the two groups. On one hand, the nice guys had shown their true hearts, but on the other hand, the bad boys had shown that they knew how to have a good time. Suddenly, an unexpected arrival shook the town. A man known as ""Gigachad"" appeared on the scene. He was tall, muscular, and handsome, and he quickly caught the attention of all the women in the town. He was a man of few words but his actions spoke for themselves. He climbed the highest mountain in the area, saved a child from a burning building, and even helped to build a new community center. The competition was fierce as the nice guys and bad boys both tried to impress the women and win their affection. But in the end, it was Gigachad who emerged victorious. He had shown that true strength and kindness could coexist, and the women couldn't resist his charm. The nice guys and bad boys both accepted defeat gracefully and the town was united once again. But this time, with a new hero who had shown them that true strength and kindness can coexist, and that is what truly wins the heart of a woman. The end.",,26,Steve77307,2023-01-13 19:56:23 TheBluePill,109zu7i,“little sister girlfriend”,,https://i.redd.it/7ekc7e4rkiba1.jpg,154,FoeHamma,2023-01-12 13:37:08 TheBluePill,1081ln1,Why so many young men won't listen to the left,,https://i.redd.it/19wvmtyui5ba1.png,347,snarkerposey11,2023-01-10 05:26:43 TheBluePill,107l599,f e m a l e s,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/1072plu,158,FoeHamma,2023-01-09 18:02:56 TheBluePill,zypm9v,I was not expecting this fantastic outcome.,,https://i.imgur.com/Enmhsqh.jpg,483,FoeHamma,2022-12-30 03:25:42 TheBluePill,ztm823,Edgelord prime,,https://i.redd.it/0xjx5uh9ul7a1.jpg,310,FoeHamma,2022-12-23 16:53:31 TheBluePill,ztlx93,Least horny Facebook user,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/zt41fi,57,FoeHamma,2022-12-23 16:42:08 TheBluePill,zss3a2,The worst part of America is females not being submissive,,https://i.redd.it/252of3hufc7a1.jpg,454,FoeHamma,2022-12-22 17:45:31 TheBluePill,z28nr7,"I’m out here looking for a dessert woman, but all the 6’4 white boys keep stealing them ☹️",,https://i.redd.it/ek8bl1r4rd1a1.png,123,FoeHamma,2022-11-22 23:24:18 TheBluePill,yvg7do,Incels as harmful self-radicalizing cult: Disturbed young men hammering their faces to improve their looks,,https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-11421039/Disturbed-young-men-incel-cult-hammering-faces-bid-improve-looks.html,150,FoeHamma,2022-11-14 23:27:33 TheBluePill,y8fjf6,The self hatred is real,,https://i.redd.it/3l1paok8npu91.png,75,FoeHamma,2022-10-19 21:52:17 TheBluePill,y46exs,The only destruction of the redpill you'll ever need,,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IE3dtG4XEeI,32,DebonairDeistagain,2022-10-14 21:54:53 TheBluePill,y3iuqo,He said what ?,,https://i.redd.it/l2inchycket91.jpg,274,[deleted],2022-10-14 03:33:36 TheBluePill,y3g69f,"You probably already know, but it’s so ironic how they use the red/blue pill as a way to ridicule feminists and lgbtq+ people without realizing that the matrix was a analogy for being trans",,https://youtube.com/shorts/cZoDV6_2mtU?feature=share,46,NotSpanishInqusition,2022-10-14 01:25:44 TheBluePill,y1b76y,Alpha Mentality,All of the information on Alpha mentality is based on completely debunked information about wolves and the physiology and sociology of their species is completely untrue and any one who claims to be an alpha is completely speaking on a basis of falsehood.,,122,No-Choice9924,2022-10-11 14:57:18 TheBluePill,xy1bjr,The Fantasy Where She Comes Crawling Back,"This is just a thinky post because I didn't get a lot of sleep last night and my brain is doing weird shit. A while back I noticed that every time there's a Reddit post about a woman leaving a man, the incels/redpillers in the thread really go ham on the ""Just wait till Chad pumps and dumps her and she comes crawling back! Spit in her face!"" fantasy. It occurred to me recently that it might be the most important belief these twits have. So they think women are always looking to trade up. We're supposedly always looking around for someone better so we can just chuck out our old partner like yesterday's garbage. But at the same time, they also believe women are continually depreciating. We're hags by 30. We're such gross old crones that there's no way we could possibly get a better man. If you follow their logic, we'd be trading *down* all our lives as our ""value"" decreases. So how are we supposedly doing all this hypergamy? Enter the pump and dump fantasy. We *thought* we were getting a better man, but he was just slumming to get some ass, and we're going to learn a hard lesson and come crawling back. Never mind that the way a lot of these OPs describe themselves and their behavior, a lot of these women are probably going to run for the hills and never even *look* back. Hell, even if the next relationship doesn't work out, it doesn't mean she's going back to the ex. But they have to imagine it to resolve the cognitive dissonance.",,105,greeneyedwench,2022-10-07 14:58:17 TheBluePill,xs3un9,"Women always win, no matter what 😭",,https://i.redd.it/ghb12unmdyq91.jpg,74,FoeHamma,2022-09-30 15:11:39 TheBluePill,xkbq8f,what are the color pills mean,I have no idea what any of this red blue purple black pill stuff is but what do any of them mean cause I’ve only heard red,,49,powerfulchris07,2022-09-21 17:46:09 TheBluePill,xi92pa,Wherein guys mansplain about paps and whether or not women experience pain at the gyno.......you can't make this shit up,,https://www.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/xhj6qq/feminist_implies_that_a_medical_device_for/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share,111,SabineLavine,2022-09-19 11:15:41 TheBluePill,xcn2ca,When incels attack,,https://v.redd.it/7sihtr3d7fn91,280,FoeHamma,2022-09-12 20:22:05 TheBluePill,xc11c4,This was posted after India's Supreme Court made marital rape illegal,,https://i.redd.it/sfun7p0od8n91.jpg,333,FoeHamma,2022-09-12 02:35:10 TheBluePill,x8jdng,Peak Reddit moment,,https://i.redd.it/iz5t8228ugm91.jpg,175,FoeHamma,2022-09-07 23:02:17 TheBluePill,x8gscu,The Apex Incel,,https://i.redd.it/wp5zulz3h9m91.jpg,202,FoeHamma,2022-09-07 21:16:37 TheBluePill,x8hw1x,They good girls,,https://i.redd.it/u6gu92gzwfm91.jpg,80,FoeHamma,2022-09-07 22:00:51 TheBluePill,x36yna,Men would you feel insecure if a girl wanted to incorporate dildos/penis sleeves in the bedroom?,,/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/x2v5u9/men_would_you_feel_insecure_if_a_girl_wanted_to/,63,yoganurse21,2022-09-01 12:55:16 TheBluePill,x14smo,"Am I so out of touch? No, it's the femoids who are wrong!",,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/x0x7nk,136,FoeHamma,2022-08-30 00:37:11 TheBluePill,wzd63m,Comment on a 17 y/o young woman’s unexpected pregnancy,,https://i.redd.it/wa98h4asjbk91.jpg,220,yeyeku,2022-08-27 20:50:35 TheBluePill,wyb619,Smooth as sandpaper,,https://i.redd.it/acqa4fz9ayj91.jpg,220,FoeHamma,2022-08-26 14:49:45 TheBluePill,wwl47i,Sometimes a meme draws them out,,https://i.redd.it/1g2shgeyfhj91.png,172,FoeHamma,2022-08-24 14:32:57 TheBluePill,wuu5w3,“Only I’M allowed to have standards! ME!!”,,https://i.redd.it/v6c6k2ohx4j91.jpg,201,FoeHamma,2022-08-22 13:49:07 TheBluePill,wtamva,Is 'redpill' getting mainstream in new gen?,"I was talking to my teenage cousin and he casually refers and categorizes his friends as 'beta' and 'alpha'. He also talks about how muscle building and boxing etc are 'alpha' hobbies and painting, cooking etc are for betas. He is just damn 15. He doesnt know about this redpill thing. Also im seeing increasingly common casual references to redpill theories in youtube videos presented as facts. Is this fringe getting maintream among newer generation?",,225,Immediate_Bee_4650,2022-08-20 16:03:50 TheBluePill,wrihsf,A neckbeard is mad that there are women the play games and have kids,,https://i.redd.it/7sjr723p5fi91.jpg,359,FoeHamma,2022-08-18 12:37:23 TheBluePill,wqpge7,This went downhill fast,,https://i.redd.it/y2qr3bxr28i91.jpg,268,FoeHamma,2022-08-17 13:48:26 TheBluePill,wpa9qz,Asian girls are resistant to Chad’s alpha charm,,https://i.redd.it/6m4sreut0rh91.jpg,232,FoeHamma,2022-08-15 20:39:45 TheBluePill,wmkydu,Imagine telling on yourself like this,,https://i.redd.it/zr8sws80w9h91.jpg,320,FoeHamma,2022-08-12 13:12:07 TheBluePill,wmlyut,I’m a horrible person and it’s the entire female gender’s fault!,,https://i.redd.it/26nx3iryx7h91.jpg,42,FoeHamma,2022-08-12 13:59:12 TheBluePill,wjywot,"Wife tells husband she hates having sex with him, reluctantly does it when he asks and cries in the bathroom for 90 minutes when they finish.","https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/wg1ypj/wife_puts_out_anytime_i_ask_but_its_always/ I have OP the benefit of the doubt, and he's even worse that this OP let's on. See my comments history for the chat thread (if you can stomach it).",,180,[deleted],2022-08-09 09:33:40 TheBluePill,wjxkh9,"Twerp raises feminist, makes PowerPoint presentation about how she should navigate her sex and dating life - sub laughs him out the door.","https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/wbbe9y/so_i_made_a_thing_some_people_might_find_useful/ Best one I've seen in a while.",,34,[deleted],2022-08-09 08:08:11 TheBluePill,whrzyf,Hopefully this fits this sub,Andrew Tate getting to a lot of guys heads lol,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/whrzyf,187,LeafySeaDragonLSD,2022-08-06 16:16:08 TheBluePill,wg40e9,Seems legit,,https://i.redd.it/vcf82gm7enf91.jpg,392,FoeHamma,2022-08-04 15:24:18 TheBluePill,wena9x,Posted by a totally real Japan woman,,https://i.redd.it/wdnnkokd18f91.png,162,FoeHamma,2022-08-02 21:12:24 TheBluePill,we9yi8,A hit dog always hollers,,https://v.redd.it/ri7ahj789bf91,127,FoeHamma,2022-08-02 12:06:29 TheBluePill,wds6rp,How to extract the maximum amount of sex out of women 🤮,,https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/wdhtck/how_to_extract_the_maximum_amount_of_sex_out_of/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3,73,equalityworldwide,2022-08-01 20:52:44 TheBluePill,w9ghys,Oh no my date didn't like my book recommendation that is a massive mysognistic dogwhistle where did I go wrong :(,,/r/JordanPeterson/comments/w8wrbf/a_date_left_and_stopped_talking_to_me_because_i/,320,iHokage,2022-07-27 14:39:49 TheBluePill,w9pwe3,TIL Majin Buu from DBZ was an incel,,https://v.redd.it/tuhondn7nzd91,18,FoeHamma,2022-07-27 21:02:00 TheBluePill,w87te5,“SJWs are ruining comics!” circa 1968,,https://i.redd.it/l0g5y25cpid91.jpg,266,FoeHamma,2022-07-26 02:36:50 TheBluePill,w7nvla,"Well, at least he’s pro-choice…",,https://i.redd.it/is6157l7kjd91.jpg,238,FoeHamma,2022-07-25 12:36:53 TheBluePill,w6d9y8,"A comic made by an incel, deep in his mother's basement.",,https://i.redd.it/hc5rm5eph9d91.jpg,418,FoeHamma,2022-07-23 20:25:24 TheBluePill,w6dh6o,"It’s gay to be straight, according to Mr. Anime pfp",,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/w697rh,34,FoeHamma,2022-07-23 20:34:55 TheBluePill,w5asdp,Since when does rape cause physical pain?,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/w4qwbc,301,FoeHamma,2022-07-22 13:34:34 TheBluePill,w4h27l,Tuna wallets,,https://i.redd.it/8bhm7sd0vqc91.jpg,92,FoeHamma,2022-07-21 13:43:34 TheBluePill,w44tec,"Oh, how the turn tables!",,https://i.redd.it/voizijnq5mc91.png,432,FoeHamma,2022-07-21 02:28:08 TheBluePill,w1zhgj,"🎶Lower your standards, make it your job, don’t demand perfection from her, if you look like a slob 🎶",,https://i.redd.it/c2alu636b7c91.jpg,197,FoeHamma,2022-07-18 13:33:06 TheBluePill,vzs6cv,I love it when the trash takes itself out,,https://i.redd.it/mgilnkd21qb91.jpg,34,FoeHamma,2022-07-15 15:59:56 TheBluePill,vxfg52,No more Mr Nice Guy,,https://i.redd.it/vvde77a5kxa91.jpg,354,FoeHamma,2022-07-12 16:34:36 TheBluePill,vwilc4,Berries and cream!,,https://i.redd.it/75m52npy2xa91.png,141,FoeHamma,2022-07-11 13:34:52 TheBluePill,vvuqbc,"Standards for me, but not for thee!",,https://i.redd.it/66vc4xrogoa91.jpg,308,FoeHamma,2022-07-10 16:08:53 TheBluePill,vsrbp7,*PARTICIPANTS WANTED* I'm looking for members of the manosphere to take part in my survey on experience in the manosphere & perceptions on the incel community as part of my MSc dissertation. Survey should take 10-20 minutes to complete & all responses are anonymous,,https://uclan.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_6h5S17Tx4lMJt0W,33,TrickMedia6392,2022-07-06 14:28:46 TheBluePill,vryul8,Western woman bad,,https://i.redd.it/zwzvvrhguq991.png,536,FoeHamma,2022-07-05 14:14:12 TheBluePill,vrzs9g,Gumdrop,,https://i.redd.it/93v4p2dtyk991.jpg,47,FoeHamma,2022-07-05 14:57:25 TheBluePill,vrzxbh,Too much cream,,https://i.redd.it/mi79dz09vq991.png,22,FoeHamma,2022-07-05 15:03:17 TheBluePill,vr7rml,Mf needs to get a better hobby,,https://i.redd.it/yi6u7dg3pj991.jpg,387,FoeHamma,2022-07-04 13:44:40 TheBluePill,vr7u7l,Bitches love radioactive green soda,,https://i.redd.it/6nqcp03ypj991.jpg,74,FoeHamma,2022-07-04 13:48:24 TheBluePill,vooig7,Münecat debunking the manosphere,,https://youtu.be/BgO25FTwfRI,75,noratat,2022-07-01 01:30:43 TheBluePill,vnspqj,Mask off,,https://i.redd.it/ya3xwfxm6o891.jpg,174,FoeHamma,2022-06-29 22:52:35 TheBluePill,vjojfc,The gay agenda strikes again!,,https://i.redd.it/m8ssrfbooj791.jpg,283,FoeHamma,2022-06-24 13:31:10 TheBluePill,vj234u,Chinese Hitler,,https://v.redd.it/gymh0wsnp7791,147,FoeHamma,2022-06-23 17:20:56 TheBluePill,vipph8,"In light of the Roe V. Wade ruling most likely being passed down tomorrow morning, I've created a directory of women and LGBT safe healthcare practitioners in the US called The Pink Book. I need the community's help with gathering information so this directory can grow.",,http://pinkbook.us,33,MisogynyisaDisease,2022-06-23 05:50:45 TheBluePill,vgp7ep,"If you’re a virgin, be a CHAD virgin",,https://i.redd.it/1vbvm2wy8q691.jpg,386,FoeHamma,2022-06-20 16:16:40 TheBluePill,vgoyp0,What too much porn does to a mf,,https://i.redd.it/qru8le3d7q691.jpg,72,FoeHamma,2022-06-20 16:06:13 TheBluePill,vgp8ta,“Why don’t girls like me?” 😢,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/vgan1q,20,FoeHamma,2022-06-20 16:18:24 TheBluePill,vgv2g9,The Neckbeard Messiah,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/vgtdum,7,FoeHamma,2022-06-20 20:33:07 TheBluePill,veklok,Why don’t the grils like me?,,https://i.redd.it/0zpp15rxd3691.jpg,462,FoeHamma,2022-06-17 16:57:11 TheBluePill,vap81c,Nice Guy - a love song,,https://v.redd.it/ar9zrliak1591,142,FoeHamma,2022-06-12 16:10:58 TheBluePill,v9yp2t,A Tale of two Tweets,,https://i.redd.it/968kvbje1w491.jpg,336,FoeHamma,2022-06-11 14:27:45 TheBluePill,v9b2ek,4channer has an epiphany,,https://i.redd.it/bkvihy6uqk491.jpg,217,FoeHamma,2022-06-10 16:03:47 TheBluePill,v7s06x,"Ukrainian women don’t twerk, eat hot chip, and lie",,https://i.redd.it/12jn7xfx2b491.jpg,215,FoeHamma,2022-06-08 15:16:39 TheBluePill,v72uz7,Tell me you’ve never felt a woman’s touch without telling me,,https://i.redd.it/9ud5l45jm8491.jpg,394,Banana1134-,2022-06-07 17:54:29 TheBluePill,v68a1h,He’s “tried” to be a great person,,https://i.redd.it/q4tkey7gl7az.jpg,160,FoeHamma,2022-06-06 17:04:56 TheBluePill,v58ctu,Is this person making a case for female disposability? And how the fuck is TRP misandrist?,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/v58ctu,61,[deleted],2022-06-05 07:30:37 TheBluePill,v4qewx,“Why do girls only like jerks?”- Senator Ted Cruz,,https://i.redd.it/hgf31esqam391.jpg,418,FoeHamma,2022-06-04 14:49:11 TheBluePill,v1qrfz,Dont waste your fertile years running around,,https://i.redd.it/2mapxnb9ns291.png,297,FoeHamma,2022-05-31 13:51:40 TheBluePill,v1uwp3,No visible tiddies = “mannish”,,https://i.redd.it/iv79dth5iq291.jpg,15,FoeHamma,2022-05-31 17:01:24 TheBluePill,v0foxw,"Boobs, what are they good for?",,https://i.redd.it/ma6jnrh2l7291.jpg,293,FoeHamma,2022-05-29 17:11:53 TheBluePill,v09h4a,"It's exclusively men who do these shootings, but of course it's women's fault! So sick of being blamed for male violence.",,https://nypost.com/2022/05/27/we-overlook-a-significant-factor-in-mass-shootings-fatherlessness/,272,SabineLavine,2022-05-29 11:45:37 TheBluePill,uz1nf4,Twitter moment,,https://i.redd.it/7ys0miu8nv191.jpg,114,FoeHamma,2022-05-27 16:12:08 TheBluePill,uxkmra,"He’s willing to do anything to get laid, except be a better person",,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/uxirc0,128,FoeHamma,2022-05-25 16:03:58 TheBluePill,utjg26,Naww man wtf is this,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/utjg26,160,No_Nobody_8948,2022-05-20 02:37:27 TheBluePill,utd7fy,Saying the quiet part out loud,,https://i.redd.it/z0eanlbntf091.jpg,210,FoeHamma,2022-05-19 21:12:40 TheBluePill,utdewa,🐎🙋‍♀️🫦😩💦,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/utcat2,73,FoeHamma,2022-05-19 21:22:32 TheBluePill,urmssc,"""Hmmmm I'd better write 'as a Japanese girl' ten million times so they know for sure that I'm a Japanese girl.""",,https://i.redd.it/2mbmhghesvz81.jpg,253,FoeHamma,2022-05-17 13:44:52 TheBluePill,urns3c,"Just your average religious neckbeard, Wonder If there's even an chance It's satire.",,https://i.redd.it/cmyq3536usz81.png,89,FoeHamma,2022-05-17 14:32:16 TheBluePill,urnk2y,What all Japanese girls fantasize about,,https://i.redd.it/90rstanhq0091.png,40,FoeHamma,2022-05-17 14:21:27 TheBluePill,urofyw,The Truth about Red Pill Truths,"I am in the final stages of getting my anti-red pill book ready for publication on June 8th. To appease the analytics Gods, I must have honest reviews ready to go on game day. This is an anti-red pill book, but it is not a ""red pill is evil"" book. It's a scientific and logical analysis of red pill claims. If you are interested, read e-books, and can leave a star review and a single sentence, then I am asking you to be a Advanced Reader for my book. Advanced e-book copies are going out today. Here is the blurb: >From the accomplishments of feminism to the dynamics of the modern dating market, Red Pill and the larger Manosphere claim that everything we have been taught about women, society, and seduction is a lie. Within Red Pill, the concepts of Alpha-Seed, Beta-Need and the Feminine Imperative are accepted as gospel. Red Pill men are shown how masculinity is under attack and are instructed to always maintain their Frame to avoid becoming the dreaded blue-pilled beta cuck. But how many of Red Pill's ""truths"" are based in the actual science and data that Red Pill so staunchly claims it to be? How much of Red Pill is real... and how much is pure fiction, wrapping its followers in even more of the lies it claims to be freeing them of? > >Taking on the truths of Red Pill head-on to see if they can stand up to the tests of scientific investigation, rationality, and logic, *Red Pill Ideology* seeks to understand the underlying foundational beliefs and motivations of Red Pill men with the same thoroughness that Red Pill claims to understand women.  I have posted an excerpt on my website so you can see if you like my writing style, with my contact info at the bottom: [https://cynthiapayne.webnode.page/red-pill-ideology/](https://cynthiapayne.webnode.page/red-pill-ideology/) Thank you in advance. &#x200B; https://preview.redd.it/nfuzpb2qw1091.jpg?width=2813&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=301080caf614440ca3138501fd9f8dc1de0a4f3e",,26,Newbie1955,2022-05-17 15:03:49 TheBluePill,uqdxju,Incel harasses people at the gym and then gets kicked out,,https://v.redd.it/v18qca1fsfz81,183,FoeHamma,2022-05-15 19:49:10 TheBluePill,uo3uoz,Kevin samuels once said that 90% of people in mid-level positions and higher in corporations are married.,Is there an actual statistic out there or is all this just horse shit?,,51,alexanderwanxiety,2022-05-12 15:35:46 TheBluePill,ung3uh,How to destroy a sexually frustrated misogynist in 1 simple step,,https://i.redd.it/2942zhziovy81.jpg,329,FoeHamma,2022-05-11 18:10:29 TheBluePill,unhoqb,He wish he redpilled himself sooner to take massive sexual advantage,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/unhoqb,9,One_Prudent_Student,2022-05-11 19:22:40 TheBluePill,umpgcv,Waman are so hipocritical!!,,https://i.redd.it/0r9m52tstiy81.jpg,382,FoeHamma,2022-05-10 18:35:08 TheBluePill,ujttow,"If they hate modernism so much, why are they posting on twitter?",,https://i.redd.it/zs4iksgv3ox81.jpg,322,FoeHamma,2022-05-06 18:23:28 TheBluePill,ujtq8z,I don’t think Jesus would approve of this…,,https://i.redd.it/pphp5urokqx81.jpg,86,FoeHamma,2022-05-06 18:19:03 TheBluePill,uj8k4f,"Ladies, pm me if you’ve haven’t met your 10 dick minimum yet",,https://i.redd.it/x9yfuoi0mmx81.jpg,140,FoeHamma,2022-05-05 22:04:57 TheBluePill,ujijzn,Controversial YouTuber Kevin Samuels passes away,,https://www.revolt.tv/article/2022-05-05/167282/controversial-youtuber-kevin-samuels-passes-away/?amp,3,alexanderwanxiety,2022-05-06 08:09:50 TheBluePill,uduy4n,"Meet Lesco, 31",,https://i.redd.it/1nmlwgiuy5w81.jpg,257,FoeHamma,2022-04-28 13:25:25 TheBluePill,udv6ds,"Careful, we got a “real” gamer here.",,https://i.redd.it/5qqukp4jx3w81.jpg,94,FoeHamma,2022-04-28 13:36:47 TheBluePill,ubqyal,Incel Prime,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/ubhagf,132,FoeHamma,2022-04-25 17:47:42 TheBluePill,ubsctj,whats a good way to handle your date ordering something expensive,"this may be the wrong sub but im curious how to handle your date racking up a bill, whether ordering something expensive from the menu or getting lots of drinks at the bar etc. whats a good defense without appearing cheap",,13,somethinlikeshieva,2022-04-25 18:50:34 TheBluePill,u3lu40,"Fellas, is it gay to have sex with a girl?",,https://i.redd.it/7siall6urit81.jpg,259,FoeHamma,2022-04-14 16:48:03 TheBluePill,u3woi5,Women gain sexual pleasure from the pain that is inflicted upon them.,[https://incels.is/threads/women-gain-sexual-pleasure-from-the-pain-that-is-inflicted-upon-them.254271/?fbclid=IwAR3SyrOFpSmtllbJKpMxb4zA1U6f-pa0uG4tjvqaAulRn2JMwRKg3tMU7BY](https://incels.is/threads/women-gain-sexual-pleasure-from-the-pain-that-is-inflicted-upon-them.254271/?fbclid=IwAR3SyrOFpSmtllbJKpMxb4zA1U6f-pa0uG4tjvqaAulRn2JMwRKg3tMU7BY),,11,Vast_Honey6450,2022-04-15 01:28:37 TheBluePill,u1aspm,A wild communist incel appears!,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/u0psto,59,FoeHamma,2022-04-11 15:50:43 TheBluePill,tz7elt,“This would solve the incel problem”,,https://i.redd.it/mkssxi6fe7s81.jpg,423,FoeHamma,2022-04-08 16:28:04 TheBluePill,twwahg,The three act plot structure,,https://i.redd.it/57ji3vduiir81.jpg,354,FoeHamma,2022-04-05 14:31:13 TheBluePill,tonimx,"Women, aren't hypergamous they have more options while having o lower libido.","I think most redpillers don't realise how female sexuality works. Women are flooded with *""a firing squad of dicks""* . This, ofcourse happens to be because of 1) men being hornier, i.e more hunger for sex, hence more guys using dating apps. And 2) the prevalence of online date rape. 70% of users are male on tinder. https://onlineforlove.com/tinder-statistics/?vid=afiOr0Jyuv97MGIvR388dsdGX9x&n=10wDm2lPZsFi&utm_term=afiOr0Jyuv97MGIvR388dsdGX9x#tinder-users-activity Women also are more conservative in choosing as https://safer-america.com/sexual-assault-online-dating-apps-what-you-can-do-to-stay-protected/ So out of that women that do give it a shot , give it to the most attractive guy. Hence a 5/10 woman going for a 7/10 guy compared to the 5/10 guy If the situations were reversed, or say a guy is given the chance between dating a 5 or 7, him being a 5 himself, who do you think he is gonna go for ? Now hypergamy would mean there is no such thing as love. Which would mean a woman would leave the 7/10 guy as soon as a 10/10(personality /looks/money) comes along. No matter is she has kids with guy, loves him or not. Hence ""it's just your turn bro"". So why does the Japanese princess marry a commoner ? https://abcnews.go.com/Lifestyle/wireStory/japans-princess-mako-marries-commoner-loses-royal-status-80783974 why does sudha Murthy carry her husband through 11 years of debt before he is a millionaire ? why are most women marrying within their socioeconomic status ? https://labs.la.utexas.edu/buss/files/2019/08/assortative-mating-and-trait-covariation-EHB-2019.pdf And don't come with me with the alpha fucks beta bucks so woman cheats on beta cause men cheat more. https://haywoodhunt.ca/infidelity-statistics-for-2020-do-women-or-men-cheat-more/ There is no hypergamy, there is a flood of horny men looking for sex, a minority of women looking for sex, which leads women going for the best option, and a flood of scared women looking for emotional connection. If hypergamy existed solely in women, you would also have lesbian incels, but you don't. This might help you understand it. https://www.reddit.com/r/changemyview/comments/ilex24/comment/g3tgxz8/ Read the comment by [u/puffalupagus]",,96,[deleted],2022-03-26 12:31:01 TheBluePill,tngskc,The first link disproves them. They interpreted 40% rise (= 12 % overall) as 40 % of women cheating.,,https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/tjcmyo/excerpts_relating_body_count_to_infidelity_why/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share,24,[deleted],2022-03-25 07:43:34 TheBluePill,tggosa,"If I ever start a class teaching teenage boys about how to approach women, I’m using this as exhibit A on what NOT to do",,https://i.redd.it/9d7u67rn3zn81.jpg,244,FoeHamma,2022-03-17 18:24:09 TheBluePill,tc174e,Nice guy has it worse than holocaust victims and slaves,,https://i.imgur.com/BqmIsuv.jpg,222,FoeHamma,2022-03-11 21:56:49 TheBluePill,tb1wcs,“Why don’t girls like me?”,,https://i.redd.it/2aa1nc4twfm81.jpg,394,FoeHamma,2022-03-10 16:01:30 TheBluePill,takqni,Only women are loved,,https://archive.ph/e9ube,29,[deleted],2022-03-09 23:31:30 TheBluePill,t7chvt,"I copied a post from female dating strategy, switched out a few words, and now it's the top post on TRP.","Original: [https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/t77kfl/why\_we\_need\_to\_decenter\_men\_from\_our\_life\_yes/](https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/t77kfl/why_we_need_to_decenter_men_from_our_life_yes/) Copy (+27 upvotes): [https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/t7aueh/why\_we\_need\_to\_decenter\_women\_from\_our\_life\_yes/](https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/t7aueh/why_we_need_to_decenter_women_from_our_life_yes/) Edit: I put a note on the post pointing this out and it got removed at (+95) upvotes.",,180,Then_Treacle_7952,2022-03-05 16:01:54 TheBluePill,t3kqp5,Chinese incels fetishize European women in the same way white incels fetishize Asian women,,https://i.redd.it/o9j2nwug7fk81.jpg,433,FoeHamma,2022-02-28 17:23:42 TheBluePill,t3lixb,Making fun of refugees and showing you’re an incel at the same time.,,https://v.redd.it/9v2v658lkhk81,62,FoeHamma,2022-02-28 17:57:46 TheBluePill,szirs9,"So, uh, how was ALPHA Con?","I'm assuming that all of you ALPHAS paid out the $2997 to get the VIP ticket and are now ""EXPLODING your business in 2022"". Would you care to share your ALPHA insights with lowly lambdas like me? On a serious note, yes the event did take place, but I can find next to nothing to what actually happened there. The only article I found is from a woman who got kicked out the beginning of the second day (her name is Meg Walter, I will gladly link the article if that is permitted). That just got me more curious, because her getting kicked out for no stated reason is not suspicious at all. Since that event has popped up in this sub on a few occasions, I was hoping some other bloopers might know more about what went down.",,92,trajantitusmanul,2022-02-23 14:28:14 TheBluePill,sxja1x,"How much of a dysfunctional, creepy individual do you have to be to masquerade as a woman to ""prove"" red pill troofs? And why are they so obsessed with women having pets?","They're not that bright, they eventually give themselves away that they're posing as women on YouTube, in dating subs, and in those really weird red pill subs for ""women"" that's just a bunch of guys pretending to be women. That's some high level, concerning dedication to their delusions. And the red pill douches tend to be really preoccupied with women having pets instead of babies for some reason, there's a of rants where they whine about it. But a lot of them maintain that alfalfas weren't meant to settle down to raise children, so why are they so obsessed with something that's none of their business? They're just all over the place. Not a lot about it really leads me to think they're anything but insane, mentally abberant, social outcasts.",,87,MwahMwahKitteh,2022-02-21 03:20:52 TheBluePill,sx5l3m,Word vomit backed up by pseudoscience,,https://archive.ph/2022.02.20-165101/https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/swudyy/pretentious_pillars_of_modern_feminism/,36,[deleted],2022-02-20 16:54:02 TheBluePill,sweq2j,Damn those Vikings and their *checks notes* clean & handsome ways....,,https://i.redd.it/mto4ghgswqi81.png,328,FoeHamma,2022-02-19 17:08:14 TheBluePill,swmu6c,Found both of these in the span of like 5 mins lol,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/swmu6c,62,antifashkenazi,2022-02-19 23:23:19 TheBluePill,svp45l,Does The Taliban Count?,,https://i.redd.it/knby0ew9rmi81.png,117,FoeHamma,2022-02-18 18:39:39 TheBluePill,svnsok,“Why can’t these stupid bitches see what a nice guy I am?”,,https://i.redd.it/8e1hmbzpoji81.jpg,137,FoeHamma,2022-02-18 17:42:44 TheBluePill,svh4kk,THE PEAK OF ABSOLUTE INCELDOM,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/sv0iej,71,[deleted],2022-02-18 12:46:26 TheBluePill,st8lwi,"He fucked around, and he found out",,https://v.redd.it/650vmgdx7vh81,534,FoeHamma,2022-02-15 17:43:30 TheBluePill,stfzkv,CW: abuse. Any of the tweets in this comment section. Take your pick,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/stfzkv,18,antifashkenazi,2022-02-15 22:59:44 TheBluePill,spaylm,Got this essay from a match,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/spaylm,201,sensitive-reputation,2022-02-10 16:47:05 TheBluePill,sojfko,"This was a reply to a petfinder names tweet about a cat named ""Ratio"" for some reason",,https://i.redd.it/mvfhjc4xhug81.jpg,171,[deleted],2022-02-09 17:48:35 TheBluePill,sn35ym,These ALPHAS are coming for your girl... (Alpha Con 2022),,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HaQ6Oxgn4BE&,77,HoodedAltair,2022-02-07 22:35:05 TheBluePill,slxdov,Incel goes full mask off,,https://i.redd.it/09t8018yl4g81.jpg,328,FoeHamma,2022-02-06 14:03:35 TheBluePill,sl5uql,Wanna bet those women have a different take on this?,,/r/MensRights/comments/sky7m8/amazing_how_much_women_have_changed_since_i_was_a/,153,SabineLavine,2022-02-05 12:28:44 TheBluePill,skouu8,"Guys, guys, I finally cracked the formula for w*men: 225 lbs bench press + 365 lbs deadlift + 315 lbs squat (>6 reps) + being multimillionaire = you're non desperate = ENDLESS PUSSY 🤩🤩🤩",,https://i.redd.it/20jc7onovvf81.jpg,68,[deleted],2022-02-04 21:27:55 TheBluePill,skdpv1,You can't reform this. ACAB.,,https://i.imgur.com/UqMNK4K.png,219,ThatcherIsDeed,2022-02-04 13:48:59 TheBluePill,sj5by0,"“Men age like wine, women age like milk”",,https://archive.ph/2022.02.03-003911/https://www.reddit.com/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen/comments/siy6kb/men_age_like_wine_women_age_like_milk_analysis_of/,91,[deleted],2022-02-03 00:53:30 TheBluePill,sfpwqm,"On a post about an attempted murder, this guy thinks the murderer won't get any jail time by simply being a woman",,https://i.redd.it/hbbqa053koe81.png,190,One_Prudent_Student,2022-01-29 19:42:18 TheBluePill,se3bl1,👴,,https://i.redd.it/vknyyfr998e81.jpg,253,ThatcherIsDeed,2022-01-27 17:13:27 TheBluePill,sbr64d,yOu’Re LuCkY yOu’Re GeTtInG lAiD,,https://i.redd.it/2rpnjjcgyjd81.jpg,362,FoeHamma,2022-01-24 17:17:03 TheBluePill,sbf2nb,Tell me you don't understand consent in one picture,,https://i.redd.it/vnah5zfnxgd81.jpg,73,[deleted],2022-01-24 06:07:14 TheBluePill,saw9ow,"I finally decided to cut my redpill friend off after months of self doubt, anger and tears.","I(23f) met my friend(21m) almost 3 years ago.We took 2 classes together in college, and he asked me to hang out after second weeks’ class. He was a sweet person back then, I mean he was showing signs like “Nobody would date me because I’m Asian” or that “People like polarized people and I’m just normal so nobody likes me.”But generally he’s kind, helpful, when another friend of mine was physically abused by her bf he went to the police station with me as well as when I reported it to the school. We barely had any fights. However things got weird at the beginning of the pandemic, I was having a rough time and he was too, after a big fight between us I blocked him completely and although I unblocked him later we still stopped talking until last year, and he was a completely different person by then. He talks about how “99% of women procreate while 40% of the man does” or that “guys’ job is to ask for sex and women’s is to ask for commitment”. He also became very right-wing focused(I’m not from the US so I might be wrong with my wording here), he is pro-life, thinks that the election was stolen from trump, that homosexuality is just hormones imbalance and that trans people don’t exist (as they can never become “real” man/woman”), also the classic “women belong in the kitchen” speech. For context, we are living in California and he was slightly leftist, not so progressive but just like most other friends I had. He’s also a virgin(by choice he said) with 2 (he doesn’t think it’s real) relationships he had in high school. However it was never my business until I had something going on in my own dating life. I met a guy that I immediately had a huge crush on, who happened to be into me also. Although until today I’m still not sure if he was just into me sexually or it could have become something more later, but I guess I’ll never find out. However, we did spend some quality time together before we had sex which was on the 5 or 6 date. I wasn’t expecting anything long term from my crush, like it’s cool if we got into a relationship but I was ok with just sleeping with him. My friend, however, viewed it very differently. I shared my progress with him and he was like “so what are you going to do now?” After I said that I don’t really care he told me if I like him I should ask for commitment, or else I’ll be giving him what he wants without him fulfilling me. I told him I don’t think him and I knew each other enough to consider a relationship and that I’m ok without it. He was like “No, you think that way because you think you are not good enough” and no matter how I tried to explain things to him he just went like “it’s all just excuses you found for yourself, it’s still bc you think you couldn’t do it in the end.” I gave up after trying to argue him for an hour. This is a common scenario in our conversations, I try to explain my opinion, he denies and repeats his until I don’t want to argue anymore and just say yes to everything. I had a really tough time through the pandemic and barely had any friends, so I wanted to maintain this friendship in the beginning. He also went to a bumble date to a museum during that time and the girl faked a call to get out of there and blocked him right after. The next time we hanged out, he called me a hoe. The conversation started as I was like I want to push things further with my crush (aka sleep with him bc we haven’t had sex at that point), and he told me that then I should flirt with him more and let him know what I want instead of letting him guess. I told him if I’m being too straightforward I might be considered “too experienced” and that might intimidate the guy, and my friend started his long ass speech about how “A hoe has no value and that guys can tell when a woman has slept with a lot of man.” He used the word “hoe” too much to a point that I was wondering if he was talking about me. He said, “ of course you are, you’ve slept with a lot of men and that made you a hoe.” And just to break me down further, he spent another 30 minute convincing me that “nothing is more pathetic than single 40-year-old women” and topped it up with “Girls just want to sleep with guys that are 10/10(meaning my crush) and the more people they sleep with, the less value they’ll have in the dating market so even if they were a 7 their value would drop to 3.” Let me just say that I’ve read a decent amount of things from Reddit about incels and niceguys and I found the dialogue familiar but I couldn’t match anything specific with it. It still basically broke me. I spent the next day crying on my couch not only because what he said was awful or that he convinced me that’s what most people think, it’s because I have a long history of sexual trauma including being molested by a family member for years and was groomed and had sex with a guy when I was 13. I spent years just being self-destructive until I almost committed suicide. He knew all that and he still called me a hoe. He was supposed to be my friend. I started doubting my behaviors, like a lot. Instead of just enjoying the time with my crush, I started thinking if he also knew I slept with a lot of people and actually despite me. I thought about if he thought I was really stupid and was laughing at me behind my back that I just sleep with him. After the second time we had sex I confronted him and after trying to avoid the question for a few times he told me he was not considering relationships at his age (22). I would be totally ok with it now (I should, right?), but at that point I was so sad and disappointed because I feel like everything my friend told me just came true. The next day I was so depressed that i spent another morning crying. I’ve never done something like this because of the rejection of a relationship (though I’ve barely promoted one), and my friend texted me about how I’m feeling. I’m the end I asked he to go to a club with me for 4 hours so I can get drunk and dance everything off. It was supposed to be sweet of him but he mentions this every time we hang out after that. He would be like “if I’m not your friend I wouldn’t go there with you for 5 hours” or that “nothing can compare to those 5 hours in the club” and if I ever mention talking to my crush again he would be like “I didn’t spend 5 hours in the club for this”. And after I made a new friend (who is my best friend in the city, I’ll call him new friend), he started attacking my new friend before he even met him. He said that my new friend is an addict that cannot be trusted because my new friend and I smoked together everyday. And then, once when the three of us were having dinner, he told my new friend that I ate really fast because I sucked too many dicks (while knowing it’s an eating disorder I developed bc of the abuse I went through in elementary school) and that I’m a cam girl and make money online. He also made fun of my appearance, the ways I do things (such as I’m sloppy, my shoe laces are always loose) and my language skills. He stared right at my new friend with a really serious expression when he did all these and didn’t meant to make it a joke at all. My new friend felt really awkward and told me that he would argue with him but he didn’t know if I would be comfortable with it. I guess I just never gave him up because we were both victims of school bullying. I guess it was trauma bonding. Every time after I stop talking to him I would thrive for someone who had that same experience with me. And this is not it. He went to my graduation ceremony, which he met my best friend for 5 years. Out of all the things he could’ve talked about to my best friend he asked my best friend if he remembered a call that I made to my best friend when I was drunk one time bc I was with my friend when I made the call, and my friend specifically pointed out that I was drunk calling bc of a guy. My best friend told him that he doesn’t remember (He did but he forgot exactly what I did so couldn’t follow the conversation), and my friend immediately said that “ah, I guess it’s just some other random guy she’s calling then.” A month ago my friend went back from traveling and asked me to hang out again and the old things are just… being repeated. He made fun of that “5 hours in club” again and told me that I should make better choices because “5 hours in a club was no fun” and “nobody deserves that”. I told him that’s just how I do things, I’d rather be passionate and catch my chances, feel the rush of dopamine than never get into something just bc I’m not sure if it’s gonna go perfect. He then told me again and again how it’s better to suppress it and how that’s how people becomes successful. I tried to explain it to him through different angles like connections doesn’t work that way and that it’s ok if he doesn’t want to go to the club, I can always just cry it out and then move on to the next person (even though I haven’t been dating in over a year before my crush and haven’t dated anyone after him). However all he did was repeating that “it’s better to suppress dopamine” and I finally got mad and told him that I don’t need him to tell me how to do things. And then all he repeated was like “I was not trying to tell you how to do things, you are just hearing what you want to hear.” Ummm… im pretty sure “it’s better to do sth” was listed as “a way to give advices” on my elementary school English textbook, but im not a native speaker so I don’t know. But I guess that finally did it. I don’t need a fucking repeater telling me negative things and trying so hard to convince me about them anymore. It makes me feel sad. It makes me feel worthless and angry. It makes me question myself and make me doubt myself in the least aspect I would ever care about. To this day im still not sure if he’s just a person like that or everything he did was to deliberately drive me crazy or break down my confidence. But I’m done with it.",,154,Caliluxun,2022-01-23 15:38:31 TheBluePill,s697yd,The Incel Anthem,,https://v.redd.it/hpbl7r3w44c81,282,FoeHamma,2022-01-17 17:18:58 TheBluePill,s6bdnu,Saw this video making fun of AlphaCon,,https://youtu.be/6m9HoBFq3m8,20,TXFirebrah,2022-01-17 18:44:17 TheBluePill,s3ybhi,Pastor: “spotty periods happen because you’re not going to church enough”,,https://v.redd.it/1noslbw03mb81,141,FoeHamma,2022-01-14 17:52:26 TheBluePill,s34t8j,Incels be all like,,https://i.redd.it/1z9t6yitlfb81.gif,257,FoeHamma,2022-01-13 17:33:56 TheBluePill,s357h0,Having less-than-perfect jawline is DEFINITELY why below-average women aren't dating you.,,https://i.redd.it/jw40xuohwfb81.jpg,30,FoeHamma,2022-01-13 17:51:25 TheBluePill,s37fwi,"Researchers studying incel activity on social media found that such tweets arise disproportionately within places where mating competition among men is likely to be high because of male-biased sex ratios, few single women, high income inequality, and small gender gaps in income.",,https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/09567976211036065,17,FoeHamma,2022-01-13 19:27:33 TheBluePill,s2b7wh,“Stop doing the things I specifically don’t like”,,https://i.redd.it/4eyvdnb2o9b81.jpg,218,FoeHamma,2022-01-12 17:06:00 TheBluePill,s2ergl,He ain’t recovering from that burn 💀,,https://i.redd.it/nh5xr554j9b81.jpg,109,FoeHamma,2022-01-12 19:33:42 TheBluePill,s2anpz,"Ok bud, time to take your own advice ;)",,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/s1sg6q,31,FoeHamma,2022-01-12 16:42:37 TheBluePill,s1xv61,Most Red Pillers and really Brown Pillers.,"People calling themselves Red pill are either manosphere people or conspiracy theorists. The original Matrix makers are transgenders so I don't think they'd agree with either one of them and the Matrix movies were a Gnostic metaphor with Kung Fu and VR added into it. It had nothing to do with any Right Wing stuff. The Brown pill means the BS pill and there's no shortage of it in the manosphere or with the conspiracy theorists. The manosphere delude themselves into thinking they aren't obsessed with women even though they talk about them every single day of the year for 8 years straight like Sandman does. The conspiracy theorists promote anything that is dumb like Flat Earth, Rome never existed and anything else that is really stupid just to be different to everyone else. But yeah, if you want to irritate these people call them Brown Pillers.",,60,Firm_Abrocoma_4788,2022-01-12 05:00:33 TheBluePill,s12lci,r/TheRedPill: Women can’t differentiate between anxiety and attraction,,https://archive.fo/2022.01.11-030258/https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/s0t2n9/goal_go_out_and_learn_the_psychology_and/,87,[deleted],2022-01-11 03:08:44 TheBluePill,ryz76u,The post that this was replying to wasn’t even remotely about dating.,,https://i.redd.it/83e5b18cnga81.jpg,74,MY_BIG_FAT_CAT,2022-01-08 12:52:44 TheBluePill,rwu2ly,"The ideal woman: a total slut, but also modest and maternal",,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/rwm7l5,167,FoeHamma,2022-01-05 18:52:27 TheBluePill,rwkqz9,Pickup artists blame Newsweek for the death of one of their own,,https://wehuntedthemammoth.com/2022/01/04/pickup-artists-blame-newsweek-for-the-death-of-one-of-their-own/,61,[deleted],2022-01-05 11:25:53 TheBluePill,rvvc6k,Alpha male discovers consequences,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/rv5ctw,218,ThatcherIsDeed,2022-01-04 14:14:44 TheBluePill,rvdm0l,Here we see the Asian incel in his natural habitat,,https://i.redd.it/kix6yhfjgj981.png,101,FoeHamma,2022-01-03 22:15:00 TheBluePill,rv7rro,Bible thumpers be all like,,https://i.redd.it/d1o2frwphh981.jpg,99,FoeHamma,2022-01-03 18:02:18 TheBluePill,rvd5nr,Looks like PUA might be starting a harassment campaign against a woman journalist,,/r/againstmensrights/comments/ruh276/looks_like_pua_might_be_starting_a_harassment/,17,[deleted],2022-01-03 21:55:38 TheBluePill,rus5cj,"""I wont deny my human instincts and desires for meaningless morality""",,https://i.redd.it/k6asbaku6a981.jpg,37,FoeHamma,2022-01-03 03:48:57 TheBluePill,rudmxp,how're you going to use the exact same face for different Asian women?,,https://i.redd.it/zzk7tphi25981.png,251,FoeHamma,2022-01-02 16:50:06 TheBluePill,rue2wo,It's my looks guys I swear!,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/rtu4c5,30,FoeHamma,2022-01-02 17:10:09 TheBluePill,rr6etq,TRP & Inceldom Feels like a Psy-Op,"How else could so many men get taken out of the dating market by having their minds ruined beyond all comprehension by completely demented theories. I'm old so I started dating pre internet and way before dating apps, but I did meet my husband online more recently. It feels like it is only in the last few years men have gone completely insane like this. I remember men used to be normal in the before-times. Now there are all these weird men all over the place repeating the same weird and sometimes rhyming catchphrases at each other and talking about women as if they were a strange exotic (but definitely non-human) lifeform whose speech is not understandable. Look, in high school boys said stupid stuff but it was just rude and immature like ""any hole's a goal"" or ""smells like fish tastes like chicken"". That's lame but at least they weren't saying something like ""if I can't have you in your prime I don't want you in your decline"" or acting like women go magically rotten at 25 (not understandable to me, I only like women old enough to be someone's mum). Seriously if I was Russia (or whatever) and I wanted to make Western young people stop breeding I would infect the population with this crap, make the men insane and the women terrified and repulsed by men. And you know, there were all those fake accounts promoting Trump in the past... There are boys who repeat this shit and call themselves redpilled or incels who barely have public hair, giving up on themselves before they even were old enough to try. WTF bros? Have this many men sucked the whole time and they have just achieved hive mind and the ability to transmit their thoughts in chorus, or is it something else?",,98,mammajess,2021-12-29 11:48:00 TheBluePill,rqtm0e,Incels are idiots…,,,29,Double-Group-9551,2021-12-29 00:01:07 TheBluePill,romzxz,"Guy justifies manipulating women for money because ""women have financially abused men for centuries""",,https://i.redd.it/b8nbgzhsqs781.jpg,202,One_Prudent_Student,2021-12-26 02:17:46 TheBluePill,rob0qw,Have a lovely day folks.,,https://i.redd.it/y7mw3638on781.png,488,ThatcherIsDeed,2021-12-25 14:46:25 TheBluePill,rodgoh,Women are the emotional ones,,https://imgur.com/5MdpDis,18,Photon_butterfly,2021-12-25 17:13:42 TheBluePill,rkxmnd,"Having a popular belief system must mean you lack original, critical and autonomous thinking",,https://i.redd.it/837aoga8mr681.png,164,One_Prudent_Student,2021-12-20 21:27:16 TheBluePill,rj0yov,Gross,,https://archive.ph/2021.12.18-060233/https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/rimapr/women_are_biologically_programed_to_orbit_an/,17,[deleted],2021-12-18 06:04:47 TheBluePill,ri8l6i,Guy talks about how someone can't go back after learning about the red pill,,https://i.redd.it/h7cu1knw11681.png,164,One_Prudent_Student,2021-12-17 04:06:15 TheBluePill,riaekt,"The ""pioneers"" if you will say, of the ""trophy wife"" culture (where old but characterless men with a ridiculous sum of money marry young and pretty girls with just age 21 to 27 only to treat them as sex objects instead of women) are those who lust for teenage or even more underaged girls.",,https://i.redd.it/ygoxhfj9k1681.jpg,34,[deleted],2021-12-17 05:48:45 TheBluePill,rfr2d0,"Quora guy talks about Tinder while discussing ""Beta Billys"" and ""Alpha men""",,https://i.redd.it/1hgc0nulnd581.png,120,One_Prudent_Student,2021-12-13 21:46:26 TheBluePill,rcrjpu,Has this guy met female athletes?,">[Science Denial Denialism](https://archive.md/bx6mM) >""I so assiduously pointed out the alternative doping theory that eventually writers planning a piece on how women athletes would be equaling men real soon now were dissuaded after they did a little Googling and discovered that this Sailer guy would eat their lunch. So elites somewhat quieted down on this longtime feminist talking point. >For example, the gender gap narrowed suspiciously in running at the 2021 Olympics. It’s almost as if the suspension of drug testing during the pandemic allowed performance-enhancing drug users to performance-enhance like crazy. It wasn't suspended: https://www.washingtonpost.com/sports/olympics/2021/07/23/doping-testing-tokyo-olympics/ https://swimswam.com/fina-reveals-anti-doping-test-numbers-for-tokyo-olympics/ >""And, experts know that sprint success is largely about race and doping, neither of which anybody wants to hear about, so don’t push theories that anti-Wokes in the comments will crush with stats dredged up by Steve Sailer."" Except you give no evidence. All you are doing is relying on correlation, not causation. https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://scholarworks.wmich.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi%3Farticle%3D1027%26context%3Dhilltopreview&ved=2ahUKEwiVu67Hxdf0AhXQVt8KHStFBIAQFnoECB8QAQ&usg=AOvVaw101sABDtDA3v_f2q0GHQjF https://pinkmantaray.com/transathlete >""But worrying about fairness to women is so 21-years-ago. Today, we care about ex-men most of all. To point out that women can’t fairly compete men is to be transphobic in an era when the highest possible cultural priority is to indulge ex-men in whatever the hell they feel like doing."" >""If Russia or, perhaps, China were to crush America in the Olympics by employing ex-men, it might draw adverse comment in the American press. But both great power rivals are increasingly shying away from American gender insanity as the most obvious way to appeal to normal sane human beings, so it’s unlikely they’d stoop that low."" It must be nice to rely on cherry-picking. What about all the trans athletes who lose? Or do you ignore them for the benefit of your narrative? https://www.outsports.com/2019/12/3/20990763/trans-women-athlete-sports-winning-losing-transgender https://www.theglobeandmail.com/sports/tennis/article-transgender-sportswomen-hit-back-at-tennis-ace-navratilovas-cheating/ https://www.nbcnews.com/nbc-out/out-news/transgender-olympian-laurel-hubbard-fails-win-medal-olympic-debut-rcna1568 https://www.fox61.com/article/news/local/transgender-athlete-loses-track-race-lawsuit-ciac-high-school-sports/520-df66c6f5-5ca9-496b-a6ba-61c828655bc6 https://www.instagram.com/p/BpFyMm0B_xl/ https://www.sportskeeda.com/mma/news-watch-when-transgender-fighter-fallon-fox-got-knocked-ufc-fighter-ashlee-evans-smith https://www.nbcconnecticut.com/news/local/teen-involved-in-lawsuit-to-block-transgender-athletes-beats-competitor-targeted-in-case/2223944/ You only mention Trans athletes when they’re winning Or how about when ciswomen beat cismen: https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/02/06/AR2006020601432.html https://willmenarndt.medium.com/the-future-of-soccer-is-co-ed-317378d6abda https://www.cbssports.com/general/news/heaven-fitch-becomes-first-female-wrestler-to-win-individual-state-title-in-north-carolina/",,42,ryu289,2021-12-09 21:19:25 TheBluePill,rc0owt,It’s the profile picture for me,,https://i.redd.it/vdy90yf9td481.jpg,36,[deleted],2021-12-08 20:52:15 TheBluePill,rbmi1t,It is because of degenerates like this and political extremists like Richard Spencer that women in East Europe and the Balkans suffer domestic violence back home and no one cares to talk about this issue at all.,,https://i.redd.it/42umbzow2a481.jpg,279,[deleted],2021-12-08 08:19:12 TheBluePill,r982dn,Maybe he was asked why he likes Asian women so much. And truth does not take much time to expose itself. [r/justneckbeardthings],,https://i.redd.it/v8aq949ton381.jpg,148,[deleted],2021-12-05 05:01:02 TheBluePill,r7rqm9,"I find it hard to believe and impossible to accept that such BS still exists. They all have one common thing to say: ""Women are toys for my enjoyment. I never had a soft and loving relationship hence I do not want you to have one either because women are advantage seekers"".",,https://i.redd.it/vx9gg8bwl9381.jpg,133,[deleted],2021-12-03 05:39:43 TheBluePill,r3e6em,"Tory Halfwit blames women playing originally male characters in media, for a rise in crime amongst young men 🙄",,https://youtu.be/5RLMH1kJtQ4,102,ThatcherIsDeed,2021-11-27 14:03:02 TheBluePill,r36grz,Good luck finding someone like that... [r/justneckbeardthings],,https://i.redd.it/mn5mj3cur2281.png,236,[deleted],2021-11-27 05:36:27 TheBluePill,qzlouj,Has you can see…,,https://i.redd.it/a8bn95fjz3181.jpg,286,FoeHamma,2021-11-22 13:43:02 TheBluePill,qx7gj5,“I only date asian girls” starter pack,,https://i.redd.it/fobfih6vjff41.jpg,273,FoeHamma,2021-11-19 03:46:12 TheBluePill,qsv6cm,Alot of these red-pilled folks love their Social Darwinism huh?,"https://archive.md/KuFIb >Is the “gender-fluid” offspring of the Dravens likely to become a football star or otherwise attain the sort of masculine success that normal women find attractive and desirable in a romantic partner? Even before the Darwinian competition of mate selection begins in adolescence, however, ordinary social processes tend to marginalize children who in some way are misfits. The losers and weirdos don’t share the normal hobbies and interests of their peers and, of course, these hobbies and interests tend to be gender-specific. A boy must learn to be “one of the guys,” to fit in and get along with the other boys in school, or else he will be ostracized and ridiculed. No amount of school “anti-bullying” programs will protect the misfit against this natural tendency among children. Egalitarian ideologues will never be able to compel children to accept their “everybody-is-special” worldview, and it can therefore be predicted that “gender-neutral parenting” will produce children who are confused and relegated to the unpopular fringe by their peer groups. [Science says otherwise](https://qz.com/1006928/swedens-gender-neutral-preschools-produce-kids-who-are-more-likely-to-succeed/). He seems to rely on the idea that [collectivism is natural thus good](https://effectiviology.com/appeal-to-nature-fallacy/#:~:text=The%20appeal%20to%20nature%20is,because%20it's%20perceived%20as%20unnatural.) And ignores the idea of how [bullying can lead to suicide](https://www.psychiatrist.com/pcc/depression/suicide/suicide-among-transgender-and-gender-nonconforming-people/) but hey, ""survival of the fittest"" is apparently how nature works ([until it doesn't](https://www.quora.com/If-homosexuality-is-innate-genetic-how-has-it-survived-evolutionary-selection-given-that-a-homosexual-couple-produces-no-offspring-Wouldnt-an-evolution-based-standpoint-argue-that-homosexuality-is-developmental/answer/James-Pitt-1)) >Tobias “Tobi” Hill-Meyer, the boy who was raised by a lesbian feminist couple and grew up to become a transgender pornographer, is an example of the kind of outcomes we can expect from “gender-neutral parenting.” This is called ""[nut-picking](https://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Nutpicking)"" btw.",,73,ryu289,2021-11-13 06:26:30 TheBluePill,qp3ktx,Sexism 101 from r/TheRedPill,,https://archive.ph/2021.11.08-020241/https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/qot2nm/beware_of_female_bosses/,60,[deleted],2021-11-08 02:06:46 TheBluePill,qoghe3,"""If feminism was about equality, then we would call it equality""....what a big brain.",,https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5KrfuMi4JcE,87,ryu289,2021-11-07 03:48:23 TheBluePill,qn0pba,Beware of Women in Education,,https://www.reddit.com/r/WhereAllTheGoodMenAre/comments/qmn3eb/beware_of_women_in_education/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf,58,[deleted],2021-11-05 02:02:25 TheBluePill,qkxyzz,"A woman having a high N-count is bad. But also, a woman not having sex with *them* is bad. Please discuss.",,,177,MwahMwahKitteh,2021-11-02 06:16:41 TheBluePill,ql1jx8,This guy knows a thing or two,,https://i.redd.it/0vo7s3eqp2x71.jpg,32,FoeHamma,2021-11-02 10:50:28 TheBluePill,qkluih,"RPWomen on why men like innocent women, aka women who act like adults are unattractive",,https://www.np.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/qk0k5k/why_are_men_attracted_to_innocence/,19,princevulgar,2021-11-01 19:37:17 TheBluePill,qjkpc9,Red pill woman bitter that other women who aren't 'feminine' or 'submissive' enough still get 'rewarded' by their partners.,,https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/qhvrge/how_do_you_avoid_getting_nasty_feelings_when_you/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share,232,silent_porcupine123,2021-10-31 07:46:21 TheBluePill,qhks34,They went from claiming they are against radical feminism to just being against the literal dictionary definition of feminism.,,https://i.redd.it/p62age83e6w71.jpg,229,alexanderwanxiety,2021-10-28 11:21:41 TheBluePill,qg8eib,"That video was part of the reason I got out of the red pill, it’s worthy to watch",,https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rc24YtUslCU,156,NotinRedpillBubble,2021-10-26 15:05:20 TheBluePill,qbrtwy,"By ""freak"" do you think the creator of this ""art"" means like actual female bodybuilders look?",,"https://images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/325e204b-b168-49f1-8625-6454efac138f/desb281-3cd7e636-1a9c-407f-88c9-80f51a337a34.png/v1/fill/w_1024,h_742,q_80,strp/teela_s_payback_by_curtsibling_desb281-fullview.jpg?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7ImhlaWdodCI6Ijw9NzQyIiwicGF0aCI6IlwvZlwvMzI1ZTIwNGItYjE2OC00OWYxLTg2MjUtNjQ1NGVmYWMxMzhmXC9kZXNiMjgxLTNjZDdlNjM2LTFhOWMtNDA3Zi04OGM5LTgwZjUxYTMzN2EzNC5wbmciLCJ3aWR0aCI6Ijw9MTAyNCJ9XV0sImF1ZCI6WyJ1cm46c2VydmljZTppbWFnZS5vcGVyYXRpb25zIl19.N2T_ak3zv5ees5lNVo8gWnJkAX8AfSxz3o7OPE6emD8",110,ryu289,2021-10-20 03:21:41 TheBluePill,qavx5z,Hello? This Is Colombia’s Antimachismo Hotline.,,https://www.nytimes.com/2021/10/18/world/americas/colombia-machismo-hotline-masculinity.html,42,InfernalWedgie,2021-10-18 21:02:37 TheBluePill,q7x98u,We live in a society 🤡,,https://i.redd.it/7iq3i5t1s7t71.jpg,201,FoeHamma,2021-10-14 10:54:59 TheBluePill,q5l52y,What the FUCK is that TRP sub. Just lol.,"What the actual fuck is even going on? Who is authoring these posts? It seems like a form of schizophrenia when I read through about ""strong men"" and powerlifting and nonsense. This is literal cloud cuckoo land insanity. This does not reflect any bar or in fact any real life setting whatsoever. It just doesn't. LOL. There's zero correlation. The actual correlation is men standing awkwardly at the wall hoping to be hit on, and gregarious guys who start chatting and dancing etc (as well as, duh, physical appearance). Standing in a bar trying to look like a deadlifting Clint Eastwood is ridiculous and shows disconnect with reality to a laughable degree. Probably the posters are young like 18 to 23-ish with zero life experience AT ALL, and extreme shyness with women. And developed this insane alpha male notion based on PUA books or something I don't know. Very misleading information indeed.",,98,MrQualtrough,2021-10-11 01:20:06 TheBluePill,q42f5q,The red pill is funny… and likes 15 year old girls a lot,,https://i.redd.it/mlpobq4qg9s71.jpg,368,NotinRedpillBubble,2021-10-08 17:25:15 TheBluePill,q43icp,"Men are more narcissistic than women, study","https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/03/150304104040.htm I found a study that shows that men on average are more likely to be narcissistic than women. I think that’s important fact Bc the red pill focused a lot on how narcissistic women are and especially how entitled they are. Here it gets interesting: „They found the widest gap in entitlement, suggesting that men are more likely than women to exploit others and feel entitled to certain privileges.“ Now I’m aware most men are decent people and unlike the red pill I wouldn’t use that source to bash men or put men in general into a bad light. What do you think?",,63,NotinRedpillBubble,2021-10-08 18:17:36 TheBluePill,pzd3va,Incel propaganda,,https://i.redd.it/dabu106vitq71.png,296,FoeHamma,2021-10-01 17:42:30 TheBluePill,pyd3l8,"Saw this, thought the interaction between the reactionaries on both sides of this were too hilarious not to share lmao",,/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ofpcqd/when_it_comes_to_who_pays_for_dates_many_women/,11,[deleted],2021-09-30 05:18:23 TheBluePill,pw9qce,Apparently having no cleavage showing means that the boobs have vanished and no longer feminine,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/pvvsij,212,FoeHamma,2021-09-27 04:30:19 TheBluePill,ppugec,The people that watch this are so fucked up that they think that being the guy a woman cheats with is positive,,https://i.redd.it/t10srn3r60o71.jpg,226,alexanderwanxiety,2021-09-17 05:56:47 TheBluePill,pnawt1,I Tried to Be a Misogynist,,https://gunlord500.wordpress.com/2021/07/30/i-tried-to-be-a-misogynist-full-essay/,42,Gunlord500,2021-09-13 07:45:59 TheBluePill,pjddhz,Yeah but social sciences don’t really count…,"This is an argument I’ve heard a few too many times when I’ve talked to men I assumed to be red pilled. They make the traditional arguments about how men have been the builders and providers throughout history and women relying on them is the natural order of things. They’re so sure of themselves and are quick to take credit for the achievements of an entire gender even if they themselves haven’t contributed anything to modern society. They often talk of how men dominate fields like STEM and that if all the men suddenly went on strike women would be totally helpless without them because they wouldn’t want to leave the house. But when I correct them and tell them that there are in fact engineers, doctors, and scientists of the highest order who are “female” and many more achieving degrees every day it usually goes something like this: RP Dude: “Women get paid to do what comes second nature to them like nursing and teaching. They have no interest in doing the things that keep society running like politics and construction.” Me: “You know there are women in those fields already right? And the number of women attending to college is growing every day.” RP dude: “Yeah but they get degrees in things like social science which are completely worthless. Sociology isn’t a real science. You need us to survive because we do all the physical labor. If we were in the woods, my superior male grip strength would be what provides you with food.” Me: “Yeah whatever dude” I understand they’re just trying to keep women in a subservient position and many of them are afraid of being useless (even if they are not actively providing and protecting), but this constant caveman comparison is just a new low. It’s just the latest excuse to invalidate the work we’ve made as a society by reducing human needs to their most elementary state. We don’t need your “superior grip strength” anymore. But them holding those views is a perfect example of why we need the social sciences to understand this misguided perspective.",,155,[deleted],2021-09-07 01:48:33 TheBluePill,pjhfyg,what are your opinions on this?,,/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/pjflmh/cmv_womens_choices_do_not_make_sense_to_men/,28,23archingforknwldge,2021-09-07 06:25:32 TheBluePill,pi3bcb,"There is someone out there for everyone, try to look your best and get a better mindset and you'll find your partner in no time",,https://i.redd.it/lkonrq6tojl71.jpg,430,FoeHamma,2021-09-05 00:52:26 TheBluePill,pgqhin,Can’t let go experience of sexual harassment," So this is a story about one incident where me and a friend were sexually harassed by three boys. It went like that…we both walked at the bus station, they came up to us and just yelled „wow sexy!“ (it’s Never a good idea to yell that while being with a group of men IMO, don’t do this men) or something like that to my friend. She responses with „fuck off“…. And one dude yelled „Ohhh I just wanted to only fuck You anyway (who says that? Knowing that the person isn’t even interested in you just for sex?….) … They followed us a bit and the one dude asked my friend „would you sleep with me if you were drunk? (Again, WHO says that?!) She said „no, go away“….he basically told her he would do it anyway and rape her. That’s where I kinda got mad and said „go away, let her alone“…. He responded „Oh no one is talking to you, you are ugly (too ugly to be sexually harassed by a guy none of us was even interested in, what a logic)….. eventually they got kicked out at McDonald’s Bc they were disgusting and the staff noticed. This all makes me so mad, the harassment and the narcissism of that one guy in particular (to be fair the other two dudes were quiet)…. I mean why do some men even think they are so nice and „hot“ they can judge others to be „too ugly for them“ (I honestly looked funny Bc of my big ass glasses to be fair but still…)? Don’t they have enough self awareness that no one would even fuck them and that their sexual interested only does not devalue us women but just makes THEM look cheap? The most horrible thing is the „I would rape you“…. This happened about two years ago and I can’t still let it go. I told a „friend“ and basically she blamed us for „being out at nigh…note we were 18 and just went to a bar and wanted a Burger before we hit home at 11 pm like many people do (in Germany drinking age os 18). I don’t see how doing what most people do should go hand in hand with expecting harassment. But ok. Alright most people have experiences some sort of incels, assholes whatever but it was three boys. One like crazy asshole would be kinda understandable. But three? And not just a „creepy comment“ but dead ass rape talk and full blown harassment. The attitude of men like this amazes me. I really hope they realized that this is not ok. But I doubt men like that ever honestly change. Im still getting angry thinning about it. I hope some of you guys can give me hope that this isn’t normal and give me Tipps how to get over it already. I wish I talked back more, but in that situation we both just couldn’t. Why don’t I habe the need to go up to men and harass them just Bc they look cute or sexy? Like why? I experienced dudes doing less harmful things like saying „wow girl looking good“ to me and I mean I don’t really mind but I have the feeling that these dudes retaliate when you say one mean word. Ignoring them is the best thing. Nice men usually don’t do this IMO. Maybe I’m to sensitive and need to forget… Sorry for my bad English.",,80,NotinRedpillBubble,2021-09-02 20:51:01 TheBluePill,pbxus5,What do TRP think of LGBTQ+?,Does anyone have information on this or not?,,43,[deleted],2021-08-26 11:47:10 TheBluePill,paev34,"""How dare you be good looking?!""",,https://i.redd.it/kw9ypaznc7j71.png,300,FoeHamma,2021-08-24 02:56:19 TheBluePill,pafsjo,"Apparently anti-sjws need there women to have ""feminity"" whatever that means.",,https://www.deviantart.com/nekohybrid/art/Fuck-That-Trend-889612285?comment=1%3A889612285%3A4938462299,21,ryu289,2021-08-24 03:57:28 TheBluePill,p9vnns,The Red Pill conspiracy that a woman’s baby will look like a combination of all the men she’s slept with is very harmful to women.,"Obviously, anyone with a high school understanding of biology knows this is simply just not true. The sperm in her reproductive system that don’t end up impregnating her die off in a matter of DAYS (I shouldn’t even have to be saying this), so who the hell came up with the conspiracy that for years a woman can still have some kind of “sperm residue” in her uterus? It’s absolutely mind boggling. All of the TRP YouTube guys that I’ve seen that have mentioned this have never provided a source for this and it’s disturbing that they spew this BS and their subscribers just eat it right up. Besides, condoms are a thing and not every man a woman has been with has just ruthlessly creampied inside of her. They twist the real meaning and studies behind [microchimerism](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6714269/#idm139957805884448title) into something inherently against women. I can’t believe they can be this delusional. Yes, I do believe having a high number of partners can be damaging, but this is just ridiculous. Unless a woman cheated on you and go pregnant through another man, there’s no fucking way that baby is *not* going to look like the both of you plus some traits from your ancestors. Did they not learn how alleles in genetics work? Who came up with this crazy idea in the first place? How are people not calling them out for that? It doesn’t even make any kind of sense and it’s clearly meant to try to control and shame women that have had multiple sex partners.",,186,FlakyImpact5838,2021-08-23 08:40:31 TheBluePill,pa7dr6,You actually couldn't make this shit up.,,https://www.forums.red/p/asktrp/274943/my_ex_who_left_me_for_another_guy_her_life_is_in_danger_shou,5,Anto64w,2021-08-23 19:50:08 TheBluePill,p938mo,Guy catfishes tinder date in order to complain to her about how he never gets any matches and always gets rejected,,https://v.redd.it/49bmn5ckc8a71,200,FoeHamma,2021-08-22 01:12:00 TheBluePill,p8ugxu,"Women are a hive mind, yo",,https://i.redd.it/9s5vjbfynoi71.jpg,211,FoeHamma,2021-08-21 16:27:42 TheBluePill,p6sf6b,"You may be insecure, but are you INCEL levels of insecure?",,https://i.redd.it/xmxztllh53i71.jpg,210,FoeHamma,2021-08-18 14:36:21 TheBluePill,p6mpww,AskTRPer admits to raping a woman. Major TW.,,https://np.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/o5fqxk/i_have_been_denied_sex_from_my_fwb_did_i_handle/,117,[deleted],2021-08-18 07:58:53 TheBluePill,p5zwpd,Asking the real questions in times of tragedy 🤦,,/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/p5ic4r/are_the_warlords_who_control_afghanistan_alphas/,89,[deleted],2021-08-17 08:49:03 TheBluePill,p5k0ye,Question: Wouldn’t state sponsored girlfriends be considered communist by these chuds?,,https://i.redd.it/mt77ri6gxoh71.jpg,263,FoeHamma,2021-08-16 16:51:22 TheBluePill,p5mfgj,LMAO this could be a joke but still it's too funny to not share,,https://v.redd.it/avwn1qs7hrh71,29,Hi_El_Pu_Ba,2021-08-16 18:50:32 TheBluePill,p4tkms,"Incels: ""Women have unrealistic standards for men!"" also Incels:",,https://i.redd.it/wgv0wv6q4eh71.jpg,385,FoeHamma,2021-08-15 13:39:21 TheBluePill,p3rinc,"Plymouth shooter’s comment 5 days ago on his Reddit post. Red pillers and incels aren’t just lonely guys, they’re truly dangerous.",,https://i.redd.it/993xouzy86h71.jpg,151,sherlocked776,2021-08-13 18:50:59 TheBluePill,p3p5ou,Another Incel goes on a murder spree,,https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2021/08/13/plymouth-shooting-gunman-said-terminator-final-youtube-video/,202,FoeHamma,2021-08-13 16:54:24 TheBluePill,p1wmjr,Redpill Fan Fiction,,https://i.redd.it/z86sq6yw2lg71.png,161,NomadFire,2021-08-10 19:40:18 TheBluePill,p1t9f7,Femoids have it easy /s,,https://i.redd.it/fm6hh4c4yjg71.jpg,116,FoeHamma,2021-08-10 16:54:25 TheBluePill,p1itrw,"r/TheRedPill keeps asking for official Blue-Pilled dating advice, so I guess here it is",,https://youtu.be/zJ8EeWK8yEw,31,SignalAVirtueToday,2021-08-10 05:24:23 TheBluePill,p170jl,Is PurplePillDebate basically a TRP sub?,"A lot of the content in there screams incel energy to me. I guess the type of people who'd spend a lot of time there have, let's say, *largely theoretical* knowledge of dating and relationships.",,202,[deleted],2021-08-09 18:11:30 TheBluePill,p0gqpk,"Fellas, is it gay to speak Swedish?",,https://i.redd.it/n4ukq32aa5g71.png,212,FoeHamma,2021-08-08 15:30:51 TheBluePill,p0m5s7,PUAs share how they trick otherwise unwilling women into going back to their places for sex,,http://np.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/p05ez7/best_way_to_get_a_girl_back_to_your_place/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3,30,[deleted],2021-08-08 20:22:00 TheBluePill,oz9ggz,r/TheRedPill has the most vomit-inducing take on Chris Chan,,https://archive.is/wip/XRqi2,64,equalityworldwide,2021-08-06 15:54:41 TheBluePill,oz85qr,r/TheRedPill having a completely normal one.,,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/ox6461/esoteric_testosterone_and_general_endocrine_hacks/,20,SignalAVirtueToday,2021-08-06 14:50:18 TheBluePill,oy7ol8,🤮You need to “train your girls” to be Super Sluts,,https://archive.is/2021.08.05-015440/https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/ow9102/word_to_the_wise_the_biggest_little_mistake_youll/,119,[deleted],2021-08-05 01:57:16 TheBluePill,ox8pj0,Welp it finally happened 🦀,,/r/AgainstHateSubreddits/comments/ox7wl8/mgtow_and_mgtow2_are_banned/,352,[deleted],2021-08-03 17:45:04 TheBluePill,ovvd1o,Are you tired of being invisible?,,/r/datingadviceformen/comments/ovujui/are_you_tired_of_being_invisible/,8,osavpoiss,2021-08-01 16:34:10 TheBluePill,ovdfvz,One day this will happen.,,https://i.redd.it/rjytudbhole71.png,213,salvulcanoloser,2021-07-31 19:32:39 TheBluePill,ouyc6v,Comments you can smell,,https://i.redd.it/4uohrboghde71.jpg,283,FoeHamma,2021-07-31 01:39:12 TheBluePill,ouf0qn,PPD really just debating whether or not woman deserve basic humanity,,https://i.redd.it/umnfckrsjae71.png,153,[deleted],2021-07-30 06:06:38 TheBluePill,ouej9x,r/WhereAllTheGoodMenAre is full of misogynistic crap like this,,https://archive.is/2021.07.30-051036/https://www.reddit.com/r/WhereAllTheGoodMenAre/comments/otcjcf/beware_of_women_in_the_hospitality_industry/,87,[deleted],2021-07-30 05:28:40 TheBluePill,ot0rum,“High value men”,,https://i.redd.it/4aknj5ojuqd71.jpg,179,FoeHamma,2021-07-28 02:21:25 TheBluePill,ot3jhs,Unplugged Alpha - boyfriend is reading it. Good personal development book or not really?,"Hi gents, and some fellow ladies. So my boyfriend is a lot into self development books, on our bookcase his books are either about our line of work or books like ‘Man Up!’, ‘A Man’s Guide to Women’ ect. He bought some new books for us yesterday and one of them is ‘The Unplugged Alpha’ I do know the author of ‘The Unplugged Alpha’ from Youtube but a bit worried if this book is actually helpful or a bit of a RP book with more opinions rather than scientific facts/generalizes women and men. Would like to hear your guys opinion about this book.",,14,Porg14,2021-07-28 05:24:52 TheBluePill,osw4ll,"THEY hate and fear you, the straight white male, because you think for yourself (unlike those girls and the blacks). Assert your freedom and show THEM what’s up by continuing to consume our material (and if you like our material, we accept donations via Patreon).",,http://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/oquhtz/why_they_hate_you/,7,[deleted],2021-07-27 21:53:01 TheBluePill,osg7se,"TRP goes full Self Awarewolves: ""Women who have slept with lots of men dehumanise and objectify men through sex."" Also, to prevent her from lying about how many sexual partners she's had, lie about how many sexual partners you've had.",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/npxqa9/women_are_not_mysterious_they_appear_mysterious/,146,[deleted],2021-07-27 04:50:29 TheBluePill,oqhq57,"Proud Trump supporter can't find any liberal women who will date him, can't imagine why. Blames cognitive dissonance.",,https://np.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/oqedv5/q4all_why_do_you_think_it_so_that_liberal_wow_no/h6berhu/?context=3,225,[deleted],2021-07-24 03:05:43 TheBluePill,opekne,"As rates of suicide among men is an important topic, I thought some of you might find this research based video interesting- summarising research (references in description) investigating the effectiveness of suicide/suicidal behaviour reduction strategies on an individual and systemic level.",,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qfbfqd1PiHY,90,ava_flava123,2021-07-22 14:09:51 TheBluePill,oo75on,"""Sexual harassment is a pretty minor thing that most dudes I know have done""",,https://i.redd.it/p35uxklncec71.png,230,cum_in_your_mum,2021-07-20 17:48:57 TheBluePill,onv7dy,'Red Pill' killed my best friend,"This is a half sad post, half warning. So growing up I lived a pretty normal life in a small town, I sometimes had trouble making friends due to being the more introverted, nerdy type of kid. I then met this other kid who was very similar to me. We had all the same interests, hung out together constantly and we quickly became best friends, let's call him 'Jake'. So throughout school we never really got much attention from girls, and the loneliness did start to creep in when I noticed a lot of people in my school were in relationships, people were losing their virginities before I had even held hands with a girl. My small group of friends began to discuss this and I began to vent my frustrations with Jake, neither one of us was having much luck with girls our age and nothing we tried seemed to work. When I was around 20, I started to feel more anxious about my lack of experience with girls and began to look online for answers. It really didn't take long to find TRP and the manosphere groups, I read every single post, every link, spent hours on youtube and started to wonder if what they said at least partly explained my and my friends lack of success in dating. Around this time Jake managed to get a girlfriend, I was really happy for him at first, but then the jealousy began to set in. His girlfriend was really sweet and pretty, but one day they had a pretty bad argument. Jake told me about the argument and I stupidly sent him one of the videos I had seen from a red piller, about how men should act when disagreements arise in a relationship, I hoped it would help. I didn't realise how deep he would end up getting into it. I watched him change into a completely different person, every single behavior was interpreted by 'TRP' philosophy, he would relate EVERYTHING to evolutionary psychology, he became smug and rude. It became less fun to hang out with him, it was like he was on edge all the time, he became convinced his girlfriend was about to 'monkey branch' every time she spoke to a guy. He also became really cynical about everything and would constantly derail conversions into TRP stuff. He even went as far to attack his own parents relationship. Eventually my friendship group wanted to hang out with him less and less, he was a constant downer. I still tried to make an effort with him, but found myself becoming more distant too. The last time I saw him, he had really gone off the rails. He'd started taking steroids to build muscle because the muscle he'd put on in the gym 'wasn't enough'. He was trying to flirt with a waitress in the coffee shop we were in despite still being with his girlfriend and when I questioned it, he just made another excuse because 'evolutionary biology means cheating is different for men'. I was pretty disturbed by how he was acting and how rude he was towards everyone. I didn't really want much to do with him after that. but I assumed it was a phase he would grow out of. A few weeks later and I hadn't seen or spoken to him, his sister came to my house (our younger sisters are friends with each other) and I asked her how Jake was doing. She said his girlfriend had broken up with him, apparently he tried flirting with some girls in front of her in a club to make her jealous and it had backfired massively. She went home and told him never to contact her again, before blocking him on everything. Jake apparently had a meltdown at this and began smashing things in the house calling his ex a 'hypergamous slut', a neighbour called the police and when they turn up they find his illegal steroid stash and arrest him. This was pretty much the breaking point for his parents, who then kicked him out. His sister told me he was living in a homeless shelter and no-one was really speaking to him. I couldn't believe this was the same guy I've known most of my life, he was always the goofy nice kid and up until recently we would still hang out daily and I considered him my best friend. 2 days ago I got a phone call from the sister, Jake had been found dead in his room at the homeless shelter, he'd hung himself. He was 22, TWENTY FUCKING TWO. I wish I'd never came across this incredibly toxic ideology, but mostly, I just want my friend back.",,95,[deleted],2021-07-20 04:51:51 TheBluePill,onw3in,Joker is a SIGMA MALE,,https://youtu.be/69bZmd1Vvss,8,copareeeee,2021-07-20 05:56:54 TheBluePill,omlo2f,"I have officially asked to speak to a manager w/r/t to that last post we got from a TRP, maybe this will be funny at some point down the road?",,https://imgur.com/pJmEaKL,59,SignalAVirtueToday,2021-07-18 07:08:46 TheBluePill,om2a8p,Just fucking lol at this joke of a subreddit,What a complete and utter fucking joke this website has become. They shut down asktrp but this subreddit full of pussy whipped feminist supporting blue pilled beta cucks is considered acceptable? This website is for kissless little virgin reject hermit dwelling fucking losers. Men like you are the reason why we live in a feminist society full of pussy whipped white knights. Have fun rotting on here you blue pilled beta bitch boys.,,0,[deleted],2021-07-17 11:14:59 TheBluePill,ok6al9,I can’t figure out why this guy is single...,,https://i.redd.it/cip1y8v227b71.jpg,447,TouchAppropriate4502,2021-07-14 15:09:18 TheBluePill,ojv1s9,This man sounds incredibly abusive,,https://archive.is/qNWxY,62,equalityworldwide,2021-07-14 02:39:46 TheBluePill,oi03m2,FB user accidentally recreates the entire concept of TRP,,https://i.redd.it/xw1rbxpwdja71.jpg,75,green_meditation,2021-07-11 07:32:51 TheBluePill,ohorv8,"This RedPill theory list I’ve found is just contradicting itself. Number 7 Chase your goals, not girls. Number 10 Find a real women.",,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/ohorv8,146,salvulcanoloser,2021-07-10 19:07:23 TheBluePill,ohzavn,What are your views on this topic..,,/r/dating/comments/ohlwu8/to_all_the_new_people_who_r_into_dating_and_cant/,2,[deleted],2021-07-11 06:25:22 TheBluePill,oh346w,Incels complain how beautiful women don't date ugly looking guy and when they do date a guy considered unattractive then it's the Incels who are most jealous of that guy.,"They are like ""how this ugly looking bastard managed to get a hotty"".",,249,[deleted],2021-07-09 19:45:19 TheBluePill,ogh2pn,"r/asktrp voluntarily locks down over fears of ""censorship"" lmao. pour one out",,https://www.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/o5t1er/we_have_moved_to_forumsred_posting_here_is_locked/,160,FucqBoi_BookClub,2021-07-08 21:36:07 TheBluePill,ofvt43,How do incels deal with the global success of K-Pop?,"Incel logic says women only want strong-jawed, tall, masculine, white Chads. Asian and effeminate are considered to be the least desirable by them, right? I am genuinely curious how they justify their logic when K-Pop has taken over the minds and hearts of women across the globe. These are makeup-wearing, love song crooning Asian guys who talk about their feelings and cry on camera. They always have an answer for everything but I haven't come across one yet. I even searched ""kpop"" on TRP and only came up with posts about feminists destroying Asian men by making them have hair that's ""better than Taylor Swift"" (what?). But I only read as much as I could stomach. People with stronger stomachs: How do incels justify women's love of K-Pop idols?",,315,yourwildlight,2021-07-08 00:22:20 TheBluePill,ofrdjw,At what age could someone be considered an incel?,I read a comment on a post here a while back that said anyone under the age of 22-23 shouldn’t be considered an incel because they’re too young. I understand that a lot of young guys could have their insecurities preyed upon by incel ideologies so that it would be inappropriate to label them incels at such an age. So my question is there an age at which a guy would be justified in having concerns about his “incel” status?,,61,Comprehensive-City75,2021-07-07 20:28:35 TheBluePill,off262,Is the manosphere pretty much dead?,"Forgive me if this is a sort of indulgent post, but it's something I've kinda been stewing over since last January and wanted to get my feelings out. The reason the January date above is significant is that it was when Dalrock's blog finally kicked the bucket and stopped updating. That made me think--as far as I know, Dalrock was one of the last few ""big-name"" manospherians by that time. Literally all the other ones I could think of--Matt Forney, Heartiste, Roosh, along with a host of lesser-known but still prominent PUA/anti-misandry/etc. bloggers had either gone full right-wing grifter or just disappeared, or both. Again, as far as I know, the only one who writes semi-consistently is Rollo. Not just that, but the notoriety of the manosphere seems to have died down too. I remember back in the late 00s and throughout the 2010s--to my shame, as I've mentioned before, I was drifting around the manosphere at that time, though as I've also mentioned at /r/exredpill, I thankfully escaped before I could ever get involved in any of the drama and BS--the manosphere was often in the news. People would get angry over some dumb article posted at ""Pro-Male/Anti-Feminist Tech,"" or Return of Kings, or Matt Forney's blog, or A Voice for Men, whatever. People would complain on a regular basis about the Redpill and MGTOW subreddits. Sometimes manosphere scumbags would go out and kill people, like Eliot Rodgers. Nowadays, though? Like I said, all the big manosphere blogs and sites are either down, defunct, or inactive. As far as I can tell, nobody really cares about the mgtow and redpill subs after they got quarantined, which cut down on their activity a decent bit. MGTOW youtubers? Barbarossaaa, Niko Choski, and a lot of similar guys left the scene due to drama and backbiting (among other things), Turd Flinging Monkey's just posting sex toy reviews, and so on. We unfortunately get incel mass shooters/criminals occasionally, but that seems to be the only real legacy the manosphere has left. I've been hanging around /r/thebluepill for a long time now, this was the first sub I joined on Reddit. But even the flow of content here has slowed. I don't think that's a bad thing, because it seems to be due to how the manosphere itself has decayed. It just does kind of feel bittersweet to me though because I've had so many laughs and good discussions from here over the years. I was just wondering if anyone feels the same. Any other long-time Bluepillers get the feeling that the manosphere has pretty much withered away to irrelevance these days?",,28,Gunlord500,2021-07-07 08:52:48 TheBluePill,of9sgx,RED👏PILLERS👏DEFENDING👏RAPIST❗This is were we're at!,,https://youtu.be/Xx_4YMx-AHk,76,MicahMX700,2021-07-07 02:27:07 TheBluePill,oeso10,MGTOWs and Red Pillers are so homophobic :(,,https://imgur.com/uS9pmJy,111,Loud-Ad4422,2021-07-06 11:01:47 TheBluePill,oaey75,What HYPERGAMY REALLY IS❗,,/r/exredpill/comments/oa9h3z/i_dont_believe_in_hypergamy_but_if_it_was_real/,45,MicahMX700,2021-06-29 19:04:50 TheBluePill,o9pxlm,TheRedPill: Men who sleep with many women are powerful. Women who sleep with many men are worthless whores,,https://archive.is/R9iw0,214,equalityworldwide,2021-06-28 18:11:04 TheBluePill,o8pnx8,One guy and his pet peeve about women.,,https://i.redd.it/n9uxfzzafq771.jpg,231,Maleficent_Agent1121,2021-06-27 04:00:45 TheBluePill,o6pez2,This is what RP should be about. Freaking brilliant.,,https://i.redd.it/5uzm7gpuv3771.jpg,3,sunsurfer831602,2021-06-24 00:12:32 TheBluePill,o6agw7,I am not a Puzzle Box,,https://faerye.net/post/the-puzzle-box,18,Terpomo11,2021-06-23 10:58:01 TheBluePill,o5wke0,"Just so you know, a woman can only like tall men if she’s tall herself. At least 5’7.",,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/o5wke0,165,Maleficent_Agent1121,2021-06-22 20:32:17 TheBluePill,o6kndl,The 'Karens Are Just Racists' Trope Is Pure BS- Karens Do Not Discriminate & Make Life Hell For All Men Of Every Race & Always Have,"While it is nice to see Karens finally get what they deserve and knocked down 10 pegs, it is all for the wrong reasons. Before Karens were caught on video directing their Karen behavior towards black men several times in a row and called out, it was forbidden to criticize women at all, *ever* for any reason because they have become untouchable in American society, above the law and above all reproach. But because white women rank below blacks on the victim total pole and it was blacks who they were caught victimizing, it was only now permissible to criticize a woman in the U.S.A. I'm white and like all white men and men of every race I have suffered the never ending horrors of Karens and their entitlement and false accusations and ever present threat of a false accusation if you do not allow them to rule over you. By making Karens' behavior all about race and racism we are sending the wrong implied message that all Karens have to do is take intensive critical race theory courses and they will be 'cured,' when the real problem is their insane entitlement, feeling of supreme superiority ethically and in every other way hence while they feel the need to spend all day policing the world with obviously nothing else better to do because ironically they contribute nothing but excrement to the world. 100% all the results of the cancerous, toxic effects of half a century of Feminism on the US female we are forbidden to discuss or else told.. wait for it.. 'you hate women,' simply in order to shut you up",,1,Ill_Pound5579,2021-06-23 19:57:31 TheBluePill,o20uzm,What is up with these toxic masculinity weirdos being creepily obsessed with impregnation and breeding?,,"https://static.wixstatic.com/media/879f1e_46527ecb6bbc48169ccf7a9405f21e3d~mv2.jpg/v1/fill/w_600,h_550,al_c,q_80,usm_0.66_1.00_0.01/E3w7yOUVkAQkOzb.webp",177,Hi_El_Pu_Ba,2021-06-17 16:09:10 TheBluePill,o23xnc,Fucqboi Book Club: 'The Myth of Male POwer' by Warren Farrell,,https://soundcloud.com/fucqboi-bookclub/the-myth-of-male-power-1,15,FucqBoi_BookClub,2021-06-17 18:21:36 TheBluePill,o1oy25,TRP has rapists.," I can feel it... I just see subtle indicators. Misogyny... So many men (and maybe women) are trying to come up with a strategy to come up with mind games to play on others. Mainly men towards women. They see a fictional man “chad” with “mental issues” going towards women and seducing them and then breaking her heart and assume that’s something to be proud of. So they form communities to come up with mind games to be exactly like chad assuming these women will think like them. The thing is the women “taken advantage of by chad” are insecure and don’t know themselves enough to put boundaries. They feel attraction to anyone who portrays themself as more powerful idk. There’s a bit of manipulation and telling the woman to trust the guy more than her intuition. It’s a game played. There’s a “mind game” that men want to learn to play on women which never works on a woman who knows herself but will work on a young naive woman.",,177,Odd_Elegance,2021-06-17 04:58:08 TheBluePill,nzychv,Apparently no woman ever chops vegetables anymore and society is in danger.,,https://archive.is/3sorO,130,[deleted],2021-06-14 22:05:23 TheBluePill,nzc9ip,"Could be a troll, but is it bad to receive love from your girlfriend???",,https://i.imgur.com/QfVKiMj.jpg,329,Hi_El_Pu_Ba,2021-06-14 02:19:15 TheBluePill,nz0urp,"Why are people THIS afraid of marriage? Is it trauma? Does shitting on married people make them happy? Imagine living like this, my god.",,https://i.imgur.com/ZmxSqfX.jpg,401,Hi_El_Pu_Ba,2021-06-13 17:04:23 TheBluePill,nyb2o0,"Ah yes, porn, not being muscular, and beans are harmful, but violence, killing, and possibly rape are totally okay!!",,https://i.imgur.com/IpaD0Qy.png,186,[deleted],2021-06-12 16:54:11 TheBluePill,nxq65c,"""Men should be dangerous and evil. That is good for society""",,https://i.imgur.com/V0eTepl.png,251,[deleted],2021-06-11 21:02:53 TheBluePill,nxzcjt,Some People Try Way Too Hard to Prove Their Masculinity (As If They Even Get Dates),,https://i.imgur.com/bVZGh24.png,34,[deleted],2021-06-12 05:21:48 TheBluePill,nwaufw,Turns out The Red Pill is literally estrogen,,https://www.newsweek.com/matrix-creator-red-pill-trans-allegory-mens-rights-activists-1523669,149,HesterMacaulay,2021-06-10 00:44:09 TheBluePill,nvp15a,/r/TheBluePill perpetual remedial re-education propaganda,,https://youtu.be/EwZhKGgmoUI,34,SignalAVirtueToday,2021-06-09 06:26:42 TheBluePill,nvaqcv,"If women don’t give sex even if they’re unhappy with the relationship, they will end up with multiple children by different men.",,https://i.redd.it/ygyct2jr33471.jpg,267,NoCardiologist8249,2021-06-08 18:22:41 TheBluePill,nt4jmf,"I have evidence that a pickup company, a very ‘notorious’ pickup company, is still selling a program that teaches men literal rape.",,/r/cults/comments/nt428z/i_have_evidence_that_a_pickup_company_a_very/,158,[deleted],2021-06-05 20:25:23 TheBluePill,nrvjwy,Women are ungrateful for the male attention we get and should go through what men do or shut up 😂,,https://i.redd.it/xivt4a7z46371.jpg,205,Maleficent_Agent1121,2021-06-04 03:30:42 TheBluePill,nrssqn,TheRedpill: The Obesity Crisis and the Inflated valuation of the American Woman,,https://archive.is/Hc6DC#selection-2237.0-2287.136,90,equalityworldwide,2021-06-04 00:58:01 TheBluePill,nq9ll9,It's so easy to get sucked into MGTOW after a breakup,"Just recently got broken up with by a long term girlfriend and my phone must've known. Because I started getting so many MGTOW comps on my youtube feed. Some of the videos are outright sexist and disgusting...but other people on them make me feel like they have sound advice and are there for me. Others seem to have really good emotional self help tips for us guys. Gives me the feeling as if I have support. I don't want to become the ***wamen in the kitchen*** type, but it's difficult not to get sucked into these MGTOW comps when some of the guys make you feel heard with their experiences and advice. The WORST and most disgustingly toxic advice I've heard from a few videos: ""*If you think you love her, cheat on her. If you feel bad, then she's the one. Keep doing this periodically to be sure.*"" Ya, absolutely not thank you very much. YOU are the problem. Thank you for reading my vent. Any tips to not get sucked into this rabbithole to the point of toxicity would be appreciated, or just ""blue pill"" me as they would say in the redpill community.",,289,[deleted],2021-06-02 01:06:11 TheBluePill,nop3jx,Neckbeard mad his video game character (set in a post apocalyptic world) isn’t a smokeshow he can crank to,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/noh4u2,227,FoeHamma,2021-05-31 01:13:51 TheBluePill,nohbgp,r/TheRedPill teaching members how to build a cult,,https://archive.is/n1sAb,60,equalityworldwide,2021-05-30 18:31:43 TheBluePill,nm36em,What how do you feel about FDS representing 34.16% of The Purple Pill Debate?,"54.96% of this sub are also in The Purple Pill Debate. Do you agree with FDS beliefs? Do you think they can be accurate representatives of what you believe in a debate with The Red Pill? I am asking this because they have very strong and controversial opinions about gender just like MGTOW and The Red Pill. And there is no significant number of FDS members in this sub.",,57,HitTheSlopes95,2021-05-27 08:54:56 TheBluePill,niwef4,"Coach Red Pill has (probable) falling out with East European wife - now advises his like-minded friends to pivot to Asia - as a progressive Asian, I'm WORRIED 😨","https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=c4rwgqFTN0k In his latest post, CRP has stated that Western women are mostly 'garbage' (in the past he called them 'used up cum rags') and he has advised his alt right followers to come to Asia where they'll find themselves a 'nice, submissive Asian woman who is thinking of settling down and having a bunch of babies instead of f***ing the Chads'. I'm a 30YO Malaysian Chinese dude and quite palpably our friend has never even dated an Asian woman, or even lived in Asia, as Asian women are far more diverse than this monolithic stereotype that he lumps them all in. My Cantonese grandmother (Cantonese women are known for being upfront and assertive) would eat him up. But Asian women are far more diverse than what he gives them credit for, instead of this dehumanising stereotype of being the obedient trad con sex slave he seems to think they are. There are rocker Asian women, there are corporate climbing Asian women, my friend is a hyper assertive deejay at a nightclub who has literally made guys cry, and of course, there are Asian women who are scientists and cagefighters. No one who has lived in Asia will honestly tell you that Asian women are these submissive meek little geisha dolls. And in my own case I turn 31 in July, I can count the number of Asian female friends of mine who have settled down and gotten married with my fingers. Most of my female friends haven't even tied the knot, let alone had children. Mostly the fellas in his comments are sexpats comparing the different kinds of Asian women - some of them (including CRP himself) warn you to stay away from Korean women, ergo women from developed Asian countries. I'm not surprised he listed Vietnam and Thailand 'good places' - SEA is still a developing region and those countries are still rather poor compared to the West, but I was rather curious why he listed China as where you'd find a 'submissive childbearing machine' since China, for it being a totalitarian ethno-state, is now rich and the women are more.... 'Demanding' than he would presume. You go to a developed city like Shanghai or Singapore, and I guarantee you the young women there won't even look at guys like CRP or give him the time of day the moment they open their filthy mouths. Ladies and gentlemen, while I am more than happy for Westerners to visit and even live in Asia (I have friends who are married to Malaysian women, and my uncle married an Australian lady), this is NOT the type of expat that we Asians want in our countries! Have you noticed that so many super strange Western men such as Nomad TV and Matt Forney seem to have a thing for Asia? They despise our Asian culture (I have never met a single s*xpat who actually liked or approved of our Asian culture even though they had a Thai/Malaysian/Vietnamese girlfriend), they will openly tell you that Western culture is superior to Asian culture, yet at the same time they only go for Asian girls because Western women are apparently 'garbage'. But one very telling thing I've noticed is that the ONLY girls they go for are like those you find on 90 Day Fiance - REALLY poor desperate girls with a very low level of education. They will never even think of hitting on an Asian woman with a university degree or who speaks fluent English. (even though there are clear barriers of communication since they never bother to learn the local language) These fellas complain that the West is being overrun by immigrants, Western culture is under attack, and that multiculturalism has no place in the West, they tell each other to flee to Asia, which are apparently 'save havens' for cisgendered white Western men, yet at the same time they hypocritically come to Asia and REFUSE to integrate into our society, they normally won't make any Asian friends beyond their wife or girlfriend (Coach Red Pill says that you as a Western guy will be more interesting than the local guys, so I take it he has no interest in making friends with the local guys), they will complain about their Asian in-laws and customs, they criticize the way we look, dress, and live our lives, and many, even after living close to a decade in Asia, are still clueless about our culture. When I look at Coach Red Pill, the unkempt boorish and hyper macho control freak he is, I see this is exactly the type of misogynistic misfit who typically hangs around Chankat Bukit Bintang or Geylang (the red light district in Singapore) during sintine hours. He has the EXACT look and mannerisms of a Western sexpat. I know because I'm Malaysian - before MCO (movement control order) we had LOTS of these dudes in Asia, mainly from America, Australia and South Africa. Dudes who complained that the West was falling, there was too much 'multiculturalism' in the West, women had 'too many rights' in Western countries yet at the same time here they were in Asia, criticizing our customs and traditions and refusing to respect our culture, which they considered 'less advanced' than the culture of the West, and insulting the 'unmanly' local men. (I'm the exception to their stereotype of the weak puny Asian soyboy, though - I'm 95kg of muscle and close to 6 feet) And they were always with an Asian girl from a really poor background with hardly any education to speak of. This is the type of backward-minded man who is fleeing to Asia in droves - men who want a sex slave, not a wife, thinking that they will find that in Asia. Tell me - do we want these degenerates polluting our communities? NO! I wouldn't even want my daughter dating a man who calls any type of woman 'garbage'. I've never called any of my ex-girlfriends 'garbage' as they were not compatible with me but they made other dudes happy. I studied in Australia for 4 years and I was never mistreated by Australian women on the whole. There was even an Aussie girl who actually liked me but sadly I had to go back to Asia to live, my true home. (Love Adelaide but you know, home is where the heart is) When a man calls any type of woman garbage, you know what kind of a man he is. If a guy like CRP gets into an argument with her, is he going to discard her like a piece of garbage? Most of my Asian female friends (who are university educated) actually treat these alt right Red Pillers with opprobrium. What makes me really angry is that these fellas like CRP, who think that Asian women are more docile, come to Asia and behave in a disorderly manner, getting drunk, groping the local women and taking liberties they would not dare if they visited a European country. Remember the live steamer Eliegato Li who was groped in Japan by that drunk Caucasian man? (Please don't think I'm lumping all Caucasian men as the same as these are just a tiny minority of Western men) I would NOT be surprised if that guy was some hardcore Red Pill/MGTOW follower. In fact, a South African acquaintance of mine actually tried that at a Malaysian nightclub and he had to get stitches at Sunway Medical Centre after a dude smashed a beer bottle in his face because he was going around harassing the local girls. A GORGEOUS Chindian (half Chinese half Indian) friend of mine also lamented that when she goes to bars, she meets expats like this who automatically presume that she'd be interested in going out on a date with them just because they happen to be white. I just wanted to correct this misconception people like CRP have about Asian culture, lumping Asian women in one category. As an Asian, I am deeply offended and disgusted, and I want you to know that we Asians who are educated and informed typically view these men like Coach Red Pill as garbage bags, and we are NOT subservient to them just because they happen to be white. Peace.",,232,the_C_Atheist,2021-05-23 00:50:59 TheBluePill,nf7dqi,"MGTOW wants to remove women's right to vote by using ""the 2nd amendment"" the way it ""was intended for"" and ""reset society"", in other words ""lets murder people to oppress women""",,https://i.redd.it/fm82cg52yuz61.jpg,307,onlyforsex,2021-05-18 10:42:04 TheBluePill,neo8cl,Talk on the pseudoscience of The Manosphere happening this Thursday,"I'm not 100% sure if this is allowable content, but it's just so relevant to this subreddit. This account is run by Cambridge Students Against Pseudoscience which is a university society that seeks to understand and counteract pseudoscience in its many forms. We're hosting a speaker for an online event at 11 am BST who will talk about pseudoscience present in the Red Pill ideology and I thought some of you might be interested. The event description is as follows: >The manosphere is a collection of blogs, forums, and online communities devoted to a wide range of men’s issues – ranging from life philosophies and gender relations to self-help around relationships and sex. Closely linked to the men’s rights movement and the far-right more broadly, the manosphere is steeped in anti-feminist and misogynistic ideas, with members having been involved in a wide range of harassment campaigns against women online. Some have also engaged in violent terrorist attacks. > >Through a study of the Reddit forum r/TheRedPill, Our speaker will examine how members of the manosphere use pseudoscientific theories to justify this misogyny. Manosphere ideology is based in genetic determinism and evolutionary biology, with participants arguing that genetic differences between men and women fundamentally shape sexual relationships. Women are spoken about as inherently sexually promiscuous, selfish and unfaithful. They are also seen as weak, only seeking dominant and confident men who have a ‘high value’, measured through looks, sexual prowess and most importantly, wealth. These ideas are discussed heavily within r/TheRedPill, providing a dense theoretical basis for the movement. > >Brought together in this talk the speaker will argue that this pseudoscience provides justification for misogyny and harassment directed toward women by ‘othering’ them as inherently different to men. they will provide an analysis of the pseudoscience that underpins the manosphere, detailing how this shapes their ideology and the misogyny within. It seemed highly relevant to the conversations I see going on here and seeing as we're running events online at the moment it's a good opportunity if you want to come and hear the talk and ask questions. Again apologies if this is promotion is too shameful. Here is the link to sign up if you're intrested: [https://linktr.ee/students.against.pseudoscience](https://linktr.ee/students.against.pseudoscience)",,57,againstpseudoscience,2021-05-17 18:42:28 TheBluePill,neb0hg,Why is there so much incel shit on Instagram?,"The last few months it seems to have exploded. Previously good meme feeds that have become infested with incel and red pill bullshit, incel comments getting liked to the moon... Why is there so much of them, and why do they choose to have such fucked up views on women? I just hope the women in their lives see their comments and steer clear of that shit. Smh",,179,Peterselieblaadje,2021-05-17 08:52:44 TheBluePill,nbia0b,I see through Kevin Samuels’s bullshit,"I detected a fundamental resentment for women when he appeared on Budden’s podcast he recited the chorus of TLC’s “No Scrubs” all seriously, saying women prop themselves up by hating on men and “can even get rich off it.” First off, this is one of a VERY small handful of pop songs by women that actually spoke negatively of men. Would anyone even deny there are a million times more pop lyrics comprised of men belittling women? Shameless cherrypick fallacy. When I make this point to any of his fans, they say “you just can’t accept the truth!” I consider that a generalization fallacy as I agree with many biological essentialist perspectives, but he goes a clickbait-y step too far every time. Consider how his “telling it like it is” aligns with simple old-world misogyny: - Swearing that men don’t care about women’s income and it thus hurts their chances of happiness = the idea that women should only be homemakers - Telling women how low their “market value” has become for having children = shaming them for not being “virginal” - Highly subjective numerical ratings of women’s attractiveness presented as objective truth = “negging” or the age-old practice of putting a woman down and framing it as the simple truth to make them easier to control. (I really dislike Tomi Lahren but just watch how easily him rating her a 6 gave him the illusion of the upper hand) - His recent post on Bill Gates—“High value men don’t cheat, they exercise options” = men can cheat but women can’t because that’s just their place on the totem. He told one woman she should give up all custody of her children to the father (as if he’d consent to that) just to be a fitter wife for a new man. Not to mention the way he disrespects the women on his show—“Listen to me, woman!” and “Get the fuck out my phone!” to those who so much as disagree with his points. And to boot, we’re taking advice on the importance of marriage and how to stay married from a twice-divorced, single 52yo male. Ask yourself if you can even picture this man maintaining equal respect and satisfaction with a woman in a relationship. I’m so saddened that any woman would believe that this is the frightening, austere personality of most “high value” men.",,214,jx5jx5,2021-05-13 14:44:58 TheBluePill,na5jbc,"Let me introduce you to ""master"" pickup-artist, Q-anon propagandist, and full-on red-pill cult leader Arash Dibazar and his ""IMC Nation"".",,https://i.redd.it/o2ablo596jy61.png,280,[deleted],2021-05-11 19:34:41 TheBluePill,n8eyyh,sick apparently im a whore and a slut,,https://i.redd.it/wovf8jpcr3y61.png,45,StaleChips1,2021-05-09 14:10:22 TheBluePill,n6aa5d,todays movies will make men weak,,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NgIDgGqzPgc&t=132s,14,eliterule12,2021-05-06 15:45:21 TheBluePill,n5sxii,I love this description of Chad,,https://archive.is/klNqG,62,equalityworldwide,2021-05-05 22:51:25 TheBluePill,n0v5sr,"Ian Miles Cheong, aka the dude who called you a beta male online",,https://i.redd.it/7tr6u0ud6zv61.jpg,171,FoeHamma,2021-04-29 02:47:22 TheBluePill,n0yl11,Dating advice from the Q collectivve,,https://i.redd.it/a74q4h3zxyv61.png,29,ForgedIronMadeIt,2021-04-29 06:42:20 TheBluePill,mxhknk,The Manosphere in One Image,,https://i.redd.it/0tc8pxiup3v61.jpg,737,snarkerposey11,2021-04-24 10:49:48 TheBluePill,muvzmj,You seem like the people to ask,"Took me a second to realize what this sub even was. So anyway, you all seem to keep track of the MGTOWs and incel fuckery out there. Are these the people responsible for this April 24th panic I'm hearing about? I can't seem to find any of these actual posts all the news stories are talking about. Just news stories about them, and people talking about said news stories. I'm trying to determine if this is some kind of prank, or if the incels finally went cuckoo.",,86,[deleted],2021-04-20 17:46:02 TheBluePill,mv08f1,How do I stop being a volcas (voluntary casanova)?,"Background: I'm an absolute alpha winner with everything to offer the world. I can't count the times and ways that I have been told ""please stop"" by involuntarily sex workers. I'm tired of being so successful around women. I wish these involuntarily submissive women didn't expect so much from me. I want to stop wasting time scratching the skin below my watch and be a boring genuine wholesome dude for once.",,8,Unexpected-Pringle77,2021-04-20 20:58:04 TheBluePill,mu0bm4,Why Kevin Samuels is not worth following,"A couple of months ago I checked out several red pill videos and found the most toxic channel out there, which is unfortunately growing like wild fire and is hosted by Kevin Samuels. Here are a list of reasons why he is not worth following: 1) He has no credibility for relationship advice • His personal relationships were a failure - he is divorced and rejects to speak about his own relationships even though he is pretty intrusive and exposes everyone who calls in • He is an image consultant playing life coach - his entire focus was on looking good, not feeling good • He reports only match making the same 6-7 couples in every video but we have no clue how they are doing today 2) He is a hypocrite and does not follow his own words • He has said multiple times he is not interested in dealing with ad hominem attacks against him (ad hominem is not a logical fallacy when your whole platform is based on your credibility - which does not exist because you are not transparent because you know if you were your life events would expose yourself) but mocks women who call in to his show, whether they have a point or not, mutes and ridicules them • He is a self proclaimed Christian man but condones cheating and thinks money can buy sin 3) He is more concerned about being “The Man” than his so called mission • This is the reason he puts himself on a pedestal as “Godfather” and everyone else as an ant 4) Most of his ideology • He has said that his mission is to unite and fix the broken black community but if you follow his advice and ideology you will either end up having a life where you can use others and be above moral decency because money or you will be trapped in a relationship without love, respect and boundaries • His advice even if followed will not lead to the mission he actually wants to accomplish • TOXIC advice like shaming women for leaving men who cheated and disrespected them and shaming men who are not high value (he only values working class man or blue collars if they have a good salary) • His vision of men is truly dangerous: he correlates the value of men only with money and men become a walking paycheck, without identity, and who do not have to develop character, values or morals and who only have their absence appreciated instead of their presence • His vision of women as money sucking humans, without pride, not entitled to have feelings, feel hurt or leave because the husband pays the bills and whose only purpose and value is to breed, look good and clean and be brain washed into submission by an abusive and cheating husband who is playing his hero arc outside and is entitled to be a villain to her If you have anything to add or disagree with leave it in the comments. I would love to know people’s opinions.",,89,WonderingFairy,2021-04-19 13:13:37 TheBluePill,mtmm9i,Just found this hilarious Redpill exchange on Twitter. Featuring Rollo Tomassi: the “Rational Male”.,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/mtmm9i,830,Xintani2,2021-04-18 22:04:17 TheBluePill,mtrbnw,An Upton Sinclair quote for the Manosphere,"It's been quite a long time since I've written anything for TBP or exredpill (I've x-posted this essay to the other community and to my blog). I haven't felt the need to in quite a while, partially because the manosphere itself seems pretty dead these days--a subject likely worth a post of its own. But on a whim I looked at one of the few ""old-school"" manospambot sites that are still around, and a comment I caught really struck me. I figured it was worth dusting off my ol' manospambot analysis goggles and taking a good look at it, because it really was quite educational. A couple days ago at the time of this writing, Rollo Tomassi wrote a post that started off as this: ""For the past 12 years I’ve been asked some variation of this question: 'Rollo, why should a man bother with women at all today? All women today, yes all women, are vain, self-important, narcissistic, hubristic and entitled. What average man would ever want to have anything to do with the average woman?'"" The rest of Rollo's post is a complaint about how bad the relationship situation between men and women is today, and how men know they can't expect much from women, but very obviously, Rollo never even comes close to answering the original question he started off with, and a fellow in the comments section made note of it: ""Thanks for the essay, Rollo. But you didn’t answer your question. You explained only what prompted it...You continue to denigrate this Black Pill as if it’s demonstrably wrong. BP [that is to say, MGTOW, or just avoiding women entirely] is a conclusion, not a body of knowledge. Given the issues you rightly elucidate, you’re bafflingly blind as to why BP would be such a poor pathway."" Well, Mr. MGTOW, if you're ""baffled"" by Mr. Tomassi's apparent refusal to answer the question, I can tell you why he's so reluctant. It's two words, and two words only: SELF. INTEREST. See, ya gotta think of it from Rollo's perspective. Sure, he's apparently got a decent job, but there's never any such thing as making too much money. And where does Rollo make his extra income? Well, from the manosphere/red-pill/""any man having trouble with women in even a general sense"" crowd. He has to sell them his books, of which there are now 4 on Amazon--be sure to check them out now! And there's also his blog itself, which provides the less concrete but still meaningful wages of affirmation, simps--er, I mean, fans telling him how wonderful he is, and so on. Now, what do all of Rollo's books and blogposts have in common? Well, they're mainly about how men and women relate to each other (usually negatively). This is obviously me being very charitable, most folks would say most of Rollo's writing and blog essays are just about how terrible women are in general, but he'd quickly reply with ""you just don't understand these DEEP TRUTHS"" , so let's just leave that out of the way and take him on his own terms. So fine, even being as nice to him as possible, almost everything he's written revolves around women in some way: Evolution designed women to be completely disloyal, women will kill your dreams, ""Make Your Mission, NOT a Woman your Priority,"" marriage sucks, society is loaded against men and favors women, and so on, and so forth, et cetera. But if we take this to its logical conclusion, Rollo runs into quite a significant problem. Let's say you're an ordinary guy who's entirely internalized everything Rollo's written, and you fully and entirely accept that men and women have almost nothing in common and you're better off avoiding them completely. So you take the MGTOW approach and just cut them out of your life--no more, no less. You're not angry or butthurt or obssessed about it (this is where most MGTOW fail, I guess I'm idealizing them here, and I'll get to this at the end of this essay). You just don't bother with women at all, cut back your interactions with them, get your sexual release from porn if you need to, and generally live a happy, woman-free life. No hatred, no anger, just cold rationality, like the first commenter said. If you do that, what reason do you have to read anything Rollo writes, much, much less pay actual money for his books? Remember, just about everything he's written involves women in some way. If you interact with women barely, or even not at all (intentionally or not, there are some fairly gender-segregated places where there just aren't many women for even normal guys to interact with, like some types of industry towns), pretty much everything he writes becomes irrelevant--although of course, he'll try to tell you that we all live in a ""feminine primary world"" and even wandering off to Mount Athos, the MGTOW holy land, will never allow you to escape from women, meaning you have to buy his books and give his blog clicks anyways if you want to fight/survive (it's not quite clear which) the Feminine Primary Order. Ain't that convenient! That's the rub, my friends. Rollo might claim to want to liberate you from ""the Matrix,"" but his secondary income stream (at least) relies on you staying trapped within it, endlessly grinding your wheels against either the supposed evils of women (call it nature or evolutionary biology or whatever you like), or constantly trying to ""manage/dominate/game"" them despite the ostensibly stratospheric risks and abysmal rewards. If his fans *actually took* his ideas to their logical conclusion, then his book sales would plunge straight off a cliff. There's an Upton Sinclair quote that goes, ""It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends on his not understanding it."" In Rollo's case, it can be restated as this: ""A man whose salary depends on you not understanding something will not give you much help in understanding it."" Ah, but there's one more problem for the commenter I mentioned, and it likely hasn't occurred to him: The same applies to MGTOW. Again, think about it. Let's say you've truly internalized MGTOW ideology and women simply aren't a part of your life--no anger, no hate, no bitterness, just complete indifference. If that's the case, if you're truly ""going your own way,"" you don't need a community for it, and you certainly don't need a funny acronym for it, as I've pointed out before. You'd just call yourself a bachelor/uninterested in relationships and marriage and be done with it. But is this actually a good thing for most self-proclaimed MGTOWS? I've noticed, and you probably have too, that more than a few of them always advertise their Patreons, or hawk books like ""MGTOW Minimalism"" or ""The MGTOW solution,"" or try to sell you crap on their channels, a la Turd Flinging Monkey's onahole reviews. If a man actually didn't care about women at all, and had no need to constantly, incessantly hear about how terrible they are, would he be at all inclined to drop even a single cent on some whiny Youtuber's patreon or buy a half-assed, unedited screed off Amazon? Hell no. Which means that, ironically enough, many prominent ""Men Going Their Own Way"" actually have a very vested financial interest in Men Not Actually Going Their Own Way. Their salaries depend on their audience not taking their advice. (I'm not even gonna go into the blackpill/incel stuff--those guys might not be venal, but they sure are nuts. Any sensible man would just avoid that scene absolutely and entirely) I can understand why a lot of guys get sucked into the manosphere stuff at first--I did too a while back. Thankfully I was just a reader and observer, so I wasn't involved in any real drama, nor did I spend money on any of their books or products. But if any younger guys are reading this now, and have started to get attracted to either the ""rational male"" stuff you see from guys like Rollo, or the MGTOW stuff you see from guys like his commenter, well, just keep this in mind. These guys aren't necessarily angels and they're not necessarily interested in your well-being first and foremost. I won't tell you what to believe, and I'm certainly not gonna tell you to go off and get married, but I am going to tell you that a bit of skepticism in regards to what you read, both from me and the guys I'm talking about, will serve you well indeed. Though the fact that I'm not asking you to buy a book or donate to a patreon might be proof I'm a little less likely to disappoint a skeptic ;)",,27,Gunlord500,2021-04-19 02:38:35 TheBluePill,mt7hpl,I just got mansplained what I get turned on by to me.,,https://i.redd.it/u5t4g28ckvt61.jpg,170,MwahMwahKitteh,2021-04-18 06:19:59 TheBluePill,msucj3,MGTOW: Giving women the right to vote was the beginning of the downfall of Western civilization,,https://i.redd.it/esdltr0g3rt61.png,153,equalityworldwide,2021-04-17 16:53:09 TheBluePill,mrv48l,"""I Don't Want Her Validation, I Want Her Submission""",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/mrqwf1/i_dont_want_her_validation_i_want_her_submission/,109,PablomentFanquedelic,2021-04-16 03:43:00 TheBluePill,mqbe0p,Need some information and advice,"I’m conflicted. I recently got sucked in to watching @truenationredpill’s tiktoks for like an hour+. (i put the @ in case anyone wants to check it out) He explains red pill tactics and provides anecdotes and examples. I’m not gonna lie. Some of the tactics and shit he says seems like it would be logical. Also, I saw this tiktok where this mans wife told him that “you would be hotter if you cheated on me.” Thought it was weird. I checked the comments, and there were some people saying that “she wants to be reminded that women desire you,” and “familiarity breeds contempt.” To me, this makes sense, if I try to understand it from a woman’s perspective. I applied this to my current relationship. I’d say I’m somewhat insecure. I’d also say that my girlfriend is secure and confident in herself. That being said, I don’t want her to get bored and leave me. It’s something I worry about quite often. She’s even told me that “she wears the pants” in the relationship, but it never bothered me because we have fun together. My ex said the same thing(wears the pants) but I ultimately ended things. Now I’m just curious, the common red pill tactic here would be low-key manipulation to keep her interested, spike her anxiety, raise uncertainty. However, I feel as if this only works on insecure girls , for obvious reasons; they chase validation, and are fascinated with mischievous. What should I do to keep her interested if she’s already secure within herself? She has a “I don’t need a boyfriend” type of mentality. I feel as if she’s bored with me sometimes. She likes drama. Sometimes the red pill tactics seem like they would work. However, I’ve come to the conclusion that they come from a place of insecurity. I don’t want to have to do those things. Don’t want to manipulate. I just feel like girls getting bored IS a thing. And I don’t know how to prevent it before it happens, or combat it when it’s happening . Also I want to comment on something that my girlfriend told me for some reason. She said that she called her friend and was “hey do you think (my name) is cute, like is that still the general consensus?” Her friend said yes, but it was weird that she would even ask that, as if she had doubts herself.. which is even weirder because she’s admitted several times that I’m out of her league. Any advice? My thoughts are very scrambled and long,I apologize .",,9,bdove382,2021-04-13 20:55:52 TheBluePill,mq3gz9,MGTOW2: Women 30+ are “deformed monsters”,,https://archive.is/2021.04.13-143015/https://www.reddit.com/r/MGTOW2/comments/mq1mr8/i_25m_switched_my_tinder_preferences_to_3045_and/,17,[deleted],2021-04-13 14:33:00 TheBluePill,mq1li9,"Advice from The Red Pill: ""We live in a world where simps allow their girlfriends to spread their cheeks on Onlyfans while they cry silently. People pleasing robs men of their personal power. It kills them from the inside out like a vicious cancer.""",,https://web.archive.org/web/20210412161034/https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/mph3bh/we_live_in_a_world_where_simps_allow_their/,10,And_be_one_traveler,2021-04-13 12:51:23 TheBluePill,molmib,"Excellent news, ladies! We finally have a ~*man*~ here to explain to us what we find attractive!",,https://www.reddit.com/r/TheBluePill/comments/mmdcx2/i_can_strongly_recommend_the_channel_charisma_on/gu3ohk5/?context=3,109,HesterMacaulay,2021-04-11 06:11:05 TheBluePill,mnrpay,A review for the Blue Lagoon I found on Amazon reviews,,https://i.redd.it/0b7yb4qoz7s61.jpg,206,Susan0908,2021-04-09 21:59:08 TheBluePill,mmdcx2,I can strongly recommend the channel Charisma on Command for anyone looking for self-improvement resources without the misogynyof TRP,,https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCU_W0oE_ock8bWKjALiGs8Q,43,-Aegle-,2021-04-07 22:13:10 TheBluePill,mleqzt,Disgusting comments by MGTOWers in r/MGTOWBan,,/r/MGTOWBan/comments/mjimfe/a_list_of_disgusting_comments_in_this_sub_from/,13,[deleted],2021-04-06 15:51:37 TheBluePill,mjs06g,A turned table. Using their tactics against them,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/mjs06g,408,hazeybop,2021-04-04 08:07:02 TheBluePill,mjc584,"""I raw dogged a prostitute behind my wife's back, rate my dread game fellas""",,https://www.np.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/e8ey96/caught_std_what_to_tell_wife/,125,sneedsformerlychucks,2021-04-03 16:43:36 TheBluePill,mjj22c,A list of disgusting comments from MGTOW,,/r/MGTOWBan/comments/mjimfe/a_list_of_disgusting_comments_in_this_sub_from/,22,[deleted],2021-04-03 22:39:00 TheBluePill,mivty8,MGTOW is a danger to society,,https://i.redd.it/ffre2gfrs7q61.jpg,217,[deleted],2021-04-02 22:55:38 TheBluePill,miugam,MGTOW on why men age better than women,,https://np.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/mi3cgd/women_my_age_look_much_older_than_they_actually/gt3i3ou?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3,19,[deleted],2021-04-02 21:44:51 TheBluePill,mi1ykz,This is the most heartbreaking thing I’ve read in a long time.,(https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/g2ayww/my_boyfriend_didnt_want_to_buy_me_a_car_and_now_i/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf),,104,Xintani2,2021-04-01 18:41:10 TheBluePill,mfw61y,Women sports are so ignored,,https://i.redd.it/j8t4i7qmmyp61.jpg,422,underthecovers49,2021-03-29 18:33:24 TheBluePill,mfiofs,"LOL, WAATGM is just incel memes now.",,https://np.reddit.com/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen/comments/mfc6z4/tale_as_old_as_time/,76,[deleted],2021-03-29 05:41:50 TheBluePill,meyeci,I just discovered the red pill because a guy from there sent his followers to slut shame me,"After looking into red pill I was horrified and didn’t even want to know what blue pill was. Then someone directed me over here and while I was bracing myself for more terrifying viewpoints, you guys are just making fun of how ridiculous they are. I can’t stop laughing at this dynamic that I have been so unaware of. Red pill: THIS IS WHAT WOMEN WANT. Blue Pill: tHiS iS wHaT wOmEn WaNt",,325,Xintani2,2021-03-28 09:45:57 TheBluePill,melsd0,Casual misogynist goes full sociopath,,https://np.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/me3e56/q4all_have_you_ever_called_someone_out_for/gse7wja?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3,82,[deleted],2021-03-27 20:20:32 TheBluePill,meh7e5,"Did the Joker inspire a mass shooter, or did a mass shooter inspire Joker?","It was rumored that the man who shot up the movie theatre in aurora called himself the joker, which is purely fabricated. no relation there at all it has been confirmed. But I think the shooter himself may have inspired the Joker movie. In interviews, Joaquin said he had researched and studied some mass shooters for the role but wouldn't mention who because he didn't want to give them attention. Heath ledgers joker reflected the fear at that time, post 9/11, which was terrorism. Now Joker 2019 reflects what happens when you ""cross and mentally ill loner with a society that abandons him and treats him like trash"" - Unfortunately, random, pointless mass shootings are plaguing us now more than ever. In the movie Arthur is suicidal. he plans to kill himself on the talk show. But instead, turns it into a killing. In a psychiatric interview with James Holmes, he mentioned how he was suicidal for years and turned the suicidal thoughts into homicidal thoughts. Which is what Arthur seemed to do. Holmes also sought help from mental health professionals and wasn't taken seriously after openly speaking about having obsessive thoughts about killing. Arthur wanted to feel better but was failed due to the neglect and cutting of the mental health resources. The punchline of the movie being, this is what you get. I want to make it clear that I am not on any side. In the talk show scene, Arthur is playing to a crowd and there is a theatre full of spectators watching a representation, a symbol of the circumstances that cause these tragedies, erupt before their eyes. They came to be entertained and instead witnessed this. After he shoots Murray, there is chaos. People are screaming and running around a theatre hysterically, perhaps a similar scene to the Aurora shootings. Joker makes no effort to escape from the cops that catch him (you can see this in the TVs after, the cops tackle him to the ground). Because all that matters is the chaos and their ""mission"" which is what Holmes refers to this as. Holmes made absolutely no attempt to escape. He surrendered. When holmes was put into the cop car, one of the cops said he was just staring in awe out the window at all the tragedy and chaos around him. Similar to the ending scene in Joker as he is looking at the cop car window, cackling at what he caused. Mass shootings are becoming so common, it is absolutely heartbreaking and really sad. Joker, in my mind, aside from being a ""comic book"" movie, is a cautionary tale of what can happen when society doesn't look after people who really need it. It's in everyone's interest to put money into mental health services and for mental health workers to take people seriously. If cancer is ignored, you can look away, but then it grows and comes back bigger and more vicious. Similar to ignoring the mental health problems our society faces. I don't think I forgot any commonalities but I will add if I do. All due respect to the aurora survivors and RIP to all the poor souls who were taken. This is just my take, someone may find it interesting.",,50,baritenor456,2021-03-27 16:30:11 TheBluePill,mebb5s,Academic who actually studies subject sets the record straight on alpha males,,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ZlWaePc030,13,JVaisTButerJames,2021-03-27 10:38:34 TheBluePill,mdzm2r,"Professor of psychology and neuroscience debunks Red Pill myths, hints at ""corrupt sell-out academics"" who prey on frustrated mentally unwell men's insecurities (hint, hint)",,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RhRS3Ziv8xg,112,JVaisTButerJames,2021-03-26 22:02:54 TheBluePill,me2x59,recommendation for a documentary,"I’m not sure if this post belongs here, but I have a recommendation for a short 30 minute documentary that I just watched. It’s called “Angry White Men: American Masculinity in the Age of Trump” by a feminist sociologist. It really helped me gain an understanding of how men with toxic masculinity view the world. I added the link for the trailer. “In this fascinating film adaptation of his acclaimed book ""Angry White Men,"" sociologist Michael Kimmel offers a clear-eyed look at why so many white American male voters are full of anger and hellbent on smashing the political order. Drawing on hundreds of hours spent in the company of a range of self-identified “angry white men”—from unemployed workers to men’s rights activists to all-out white supremacists—Kimmel paints a picture of white men adrift and in the grips of a collective state of rage over the seismic economic, cultural, and political shifts that have been transforming the American social landscape over the past few decades. At once sympathetic to the tough-luck experience of many of these men, and crystal clear that the remedies they seek often miss the mark or prove self-destructive, Kimmel offers profound and practical insights into why so many white men feel they have no choice but to tenaciously cling to an anachronistic ideology of masculinity—one that’s found expression in the regressive, rage-fueled politics of resentment embodied in figures like Donald Trump. Even more importantly, he warns against ignoring this ""forgotten"" group and calls on us to create solutions that address the legitimate concerns of all Americans.” [trailer for the documentary ](https://vimeo.com/319576647)",,47,irishonexD,2021-03-27 00:52:18 TheBluePill,mcqr46,Alpha Male asks TRP how he can best fuck up his relationship due to his insecurity and control issues,,http://np.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/mchnuo/ltr_keeps_male_friends_doing_favors_for_her/,119,[deleted],2021-03-25 05:20:50 TheBluePill,mc6k46,"Pot, meet kettle...",,/r/MensRights/comments/mbxo5w/mentally_healthy_well_adjusted_women_dont_go/,156,SabineLavine,2021-03-24 14:06:34 TheBluePill,mcl0nj,"WAATGM commenter lauded for increasingly cringy 1,000+ word revenge fantasy",,https://np.reddit.com/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen/comments/m9t9c6/classic_woman_wants_a_man_she_uses_a_stupid/groqsua?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3,17,[deleted],2021-03-25 00:19:09 TheBluePill,mb5kn6,Citation needed,,https://i.redd.it/84acaprj5lo61.jpg,196,FoeHamma,2021-03-23 03:32:11 TheBluePill,mbmuox,“Man has as many masters as he has vices” ~ a response,"There seems to be this favorite quote among the Red Pill community, and it goes something like this: “Man has as many masters as he has vices.” The quote, attributed to St. Augustine, has been making its rounds all over the internet, appearing in several comment sections as a “rebuttal” to the original post. It will usually be used in the following context: A Red Piller targets a Blue Piller’s video/post by typing a whirlwind of insults in the comments below, prompting the Blue Piller to ask the Red Piller why they cannot simply let people live freely and do what they want in peace, to which the Red Piller will respond by copy and pasting the quote as an “own” or “mic drop.” Although the quote may seem profound, it is actually a bit of a “deepism” that merely plays on semantics. Let’s analyze it: Alright, so the quote is made to imply that anyone who freely chooses to act on their (sexual) desires is not actually free, because technically, they are only acting on their desires because their mind tells them to do so. Firstly, why do the desires controlling one‘s behavior have to be “vices“ for it to count as slavery? It just seems awfully convenient that all the behaviors and desires considered “vices” are just the things people promoting NoFap dogma and Puritanism are coincidently opposed to. I suspect this is because if the word “Desire” were used instead, the quote could easily be turned around on them, as their own self-restraining behaviors and actions stem from underlying desires which equally influence their behaviors (desire to go to heaven, desire to assuage guilt/shame, desire to delay gratification, desire to spend time doing something else, urge to give into peer pressure within the NoFap community, etc.) So, they smartly exempt their own predispositions and desires by specifying the qualifier “Vice” so then, when their own logic is thrown back at them, they can go “But I can’t be a slave to my desires, because my desires are supported by scripture and not vices! See!” The mentality of “it‘s only freedom when they’re using their freedom to do things I would do!” is just downright childish, and it’s staggering how many people think this is a convincing argument. Surely, even if you completely disagree with a person‘s decision or even find their decision to be morally repugnant, you can at the very, very least grant them that their decision is out of their own free will? But no, apparently that is too much to ask of the Red Pill crowd. Because ”it’s only freedom when I agree with it.” It’s like people who say heavy metal or rap “isn’t real music.” And then when you point out of how objectively incorrect that statement is, they define “real music” in a way that reinforces their original statement, forcing themselves to be correct. It’s so juvenile. Remember when “Freedom is Oppression” from Orwell’s *1984* wasn’t a genuine philosophy? Also, Red Pillers love setting Kafka Traps like it’s a hobby. They make all these accusations and claims about people being slaves to their primal urges and their lives/brains being ruined by porn, so when someone who is able to consume porn in moderation and have a stable life can actually speak for themselves in response, you’d think that would be the Red Piller‘s cue to shut up and rethink for a second? Nope. They accuse them of being in denial, actually being depressed and just masturbating/watching porn to cope, and several other unfalsifiable statements. And of course, any attempts at counter-arguing this just gets a “but that’s what they all say!” routine in response. It’s so annoying. Especially when you’re on the receiving end. The worst is when they set the stage to win the argument by creating a double bind. They will usually try to make the opponent look bad by making some request with an implicit premise hidden within it. This usually takes the form of “Oh yeah? So to prove you’re not really addicted, I want you stop masturbating for a week!” They are able to predict the obvious denial of the request from the opponent in advance, so they back them into a corner for the sole purpose of being able to point and shout “See! See! You’re a slave!” The double bind here is that either way the Red Piller wins. If the Blue Piller denies the request (because let’s face it, you’re not going to change your routine just because some stranger (especially on the internet) commands you to, especially when you can’t even provide evidence confirming you followed through), then the Red Piller can use that denial against them as proof they're “addicted” or “enslaved,” even if their denial was by their own volition. But if the Blue Piller gives in to the Red Piller’s demands and stops his activities just to prove he’s not enslaved, then the Red Piller still wins because he tricked the Blue Piller into, ironically, being a slave to someone else’s desires rather than his own. This trick could easily be flipped on NoFappers too though: A: You‘re enslaved by your addiction to self-control B: But self-control isn’t an addiction. I choose to discipline myself A: Ok, so then to prove it’s your choice, I want you to start choosing to give in to your desires instead B: And ruin my streak? No way. I couldn’t bring myself to do that... A: See! See! You’re a slave! You’re a slave! Also, a lot of other St. Augustine fans seem to have this strange aversion towards instant-gratification, like there’s something virtuous about artificially imposing longer waiting times on yourself, just so you can say “at least I’m patient.“ And once again, this hatred suspiciously only seems to be directed towards “vices“ and sexual activity. They never seem to shame people who get up and go to the restroom as soon as they feel like they have to go rather than forcefully hold it in for as long as possible despite the fact a toilet is easily accessible around the corner. It also doesn’t help that when you try to ask them what specific amount of time needs to pass after the onset of a desire before it becomes acceptable to act on it and receive gratification, they can’t give an answer. Not even an approximate estimate. Also, how would anyone receive ANY gratification if they are constantly preoccupied with delaying it? If I am a “slave” to my hunger, and eat every time I feel hungry, but then decide I want to free myself from my biological urge to consume food by increasingly delaying gratification, at what point am I no longer a hedonist? The most hedonistic I could possibly be is going to the fridge as soon as my stomach starts growling. But then let’s say I wait an hour. If I give in to my cravings right at the end of those 60 minutes, then I would still be more hedonistic than the guy who made himself wait 2 hours. And then that guy, in turn, would be more hedonistic than the person who waits 3 hours, and so and so forth, until the person who eats nothing comes out on top as the least hedonistic. Same thing with sleep. If I feel I am guilty of sloth and laziness, then my end goal should be to become an insomniac who is always awake and never dreaming, as every hour I lie in bed asleep is an hour I spend enslaved by my urge to close my eyes and get some rest. The last, and probably the most important point, is that even if we accept the quote as true, it would only be trivially true. The Red Pill movement goes through all this effort to show proof of some elaborate conspiracy or dark hidden truth, only to come to the underwhelming conclusion that, yes, brain chemicals make us do stuff we wouldn’t otherwise do if we didn’t have those brain chemicals making us do those things. \*sigh\* I swear, it’s like these people stumbled across an article about Dopamine and Serotonin and thought they discovered some sort of scam. Even if we were to grant that being controlled by your brain really is equivalent to slavery, this would just make every single human action (or inaction) slavery as well. To say that choosing to satisfy ”vices” or “desires” or whatever is enough to constitute the label of “slavery” is just lowering the bar of criteria to a point where the term ”slavery” wouldn‘t even retain its standard meaning anymore. This is especially pointless since there’s no alternative to this “problem.” You’re always performing actions based on your underlying motivations, which are produced by your brain, which you don’t get to control having to begin with. So essentially, you’re never not a slave, as even the desire to not act on your desires is itself a desire, which is equally motivated by the expectance of pleasure from another perceived reward (After all, if you didn’t expect to feel satisfaction from ending your addiction, but expected to feel miserable instead, you wouldn’t even be motivated to get rid of the addiction in the first place). For instance, a person will refrain from masturbation because they feel they will gain confidence from semen retention, but the only reason confidence is a goal for them is because they think it will help them seduce a partner, who they can marry and then have sex with. And, as established by the Red Pillers’ own cited literature, the brain can’t tell the difference between “artificial“ stimulation and real sex, so the effects on the brain‘s reward center system would be the same, therefore, making the NoFappers equally as enslaved to Dopamine as the ProFappers they target. The usual defense for this type of “slavery“ is that because the gratification isn’t instant, that makes it better. But then if that’s the case, the dopamine thing has nothing to do with it. It would be a time issue. But then when you ask them about this, they retreat back to the “brain chemicals = slavery” argument. Also, for some reason, they only seem to call it “slavery” when Dopamine is the “master.” Are they not concerned about every other part of the nervous system controlling our actions? Just wait till they find out about Ghrelin, Melatonin, Endorphins, Oxytocin, and Adrenaline, and you can expect to see forums for NoEat, NoSleep, NoLaugh, NoLove, NoFight, and NoFlight to show up as well. Let’s just call “Delayed Gratification” what it is: Hedonism w/ Extra Steps.",,9,alanfarwell,2021-03-23 19:37:36 TheBluePill,m9xy8t,"The meme is ironic, but it accurately represents how incels unironically view women",,https://i.redd.it/2hli47xxmao61.png,298,FoeHamma,2021-03-21 14:35:38 TheBluePill,m7ychq,Youtuber (Bald and Bankrupt) with 2.75m subs exposed as former Pick up Artist / Sex-pat,,https://i.redd.it/a2scp2dd5un61.jpg,186,ticklemybanjo,2021-03-18 19:10:19 TheBluePill,m81vx8,Best Response to NoFap Dogma,"\*The following is a post from r/NoFap that has been modified in order to illustrate the absurdity of the original post when applied to laughter instead of masturbation\* When I was young, I, just like many other young men my age, would laugh constantly. I would voraciously consume anything that would help aid me laugh, whether it was reading jokes online, watching stand-up routines on TV, or even going to live comedy shows. I just wish someone would have told me what I was doing to myself unconsciously. Laughter is more harmful than we are willing to admit. In fact, it is downright deleterious. Laughing is an addiction that turns its victims into dopamine slaves, constantly wanting to get high on their endorphins. It is only in the past year that I have realized that it truly is as corrosive as acid to the minds of young men. It makes you lackadaisical and distracted from real world issues. Some guys say that it is to help relax or relieve stress. But I say that is bullshit. It is because you are too content with where you are and lulls you into a false sense of security. It gives you all of the ""benefit"" of being able to make light of serious situations through humorous observations that you didn’t even make. Others made them for you. This has created a generation of lazy men who are unable to make their own material, instead listening to the jokes of others to get their dopamine fix. No man is truly free if he is a slave to his primal urges. Comedic shows and television are intrinsically exploitative in nature, playing on man’s natural tendency to consume that which he desires. They are taking something as priceless and sacred as human joy and turning it into a product to capitalize off of, forcing brainwashed consumers to buy tickets for front row seats at improv theaters. This devalues the free pureness of laughter shared between friends and family if one can simply pay money to achieve the same stimulation from paid performers. This also causes distrust and ruins the social cohesion of families. If a loving husband or father of two suspects their spouse or children no longer find their “dad jokes” funny and have instead started showing amusement at simulated comedic material on TV, then his self-esteem could be damaged, making him feel worthless to his partner or family. Laughing is also dangerous for the brain, as increased laughter can change the brain’s physical appearance. People who laugh for sustained periods of time will often experience Hypoxia, which is the diminishing of nerve cells due to decreased oxygen intake, ultimately leading to asphyxiation. So naturally, the funnier a joke is to the victim, the higher the risk it poses to their ventilation is. This is no coincidence. Comedy producers do this to get the brain hooked and addicted, manipulating their brain chemistry to keep them binge-watching Comedy Central. Alex Mitchell is a notable and unfortunate casualty of laughter addiction, who was brainwashed by the television into laughing for 20 minutes straight before he finally collapsed. It’s also well documented that humor is a gateway to serious immoral beliefs. Although one may start chuckling at knock knock jokes and puns, they will eventually have to move on to more and more risqué forms of comedy to satisfy their cravings, including sexual and stereotypical humor. Many people who laugh at dark humor will eventually find themselves acting against their own morals and unable to distinguish fantasy from reality. One may start by laughing at a screening of Jojo Rabbit, and then end up laughing at real holocaust footage before they know it. They will naturally want to start staging humorous situations in the real world based on common tropes, such as deliberately leaving banana peels on the ground for someone to slip on and hurt themselves. Shows like Jackass and Ridiculousness only reinforce this immorality, playing videos of people getting seriously injured and hurt to funny music as a way to desensitize and demoralize audiences to real-life pain and suffering. A person may think laughing at a video of a person‘s tongue getting stuck to a frozen pole is harmless, but this is just a slippery slope that can lead to you laughing at an elderly woman pleading on the ground instead of calling for help, or even worse, throwing a pie in the face of a cancer patient at a children’s hospital. Laughing in uncomfortable situations just reinforces this further. People who previously never interacted with blonde or Irish people reported that, after being exposed to several jokes about dumb blondes and drunk Irishmen, they suddenly felt the urge to act out the jokes by asking them the questions, in hopes they would respond with the punchlines. Many comedians will also implant funny one-liners into your head as a way to sabotage you and keep you from functioning in everyday life. Whether you are praying at church, attending a funeral, visiting a dying relative in the hospital, or listening to a friend talk about their rough financial situation, a joke that is in some way related to the situation will always creep its way into your mind at the worst possible time, forcing you to laugh inappropriately as you helplessly try to control yourself. Slowly but surely, this will ruin your reputation over time, as everyone will start to think of you as a cackling fool who doesn’t know how to take anything seriously. In addition to not being a good moral guide, humor also doesn’t do a good job showcasing reality. Life is disappointing and isn’t a blast, despite what self-indulgent laughers may have you believe. A lot of jokes are highly unrealistic and may give people the wrong impression of what people actually find funny, which many still wrongly believe is indicated by an entire audience laughing hysterically. That is not true laughter; their brain is just tricking them into believing they find something funny. Humor subjectivists and relativists don’t understand Comedy is objective. ”It is funny, because it is true“ is an objective metric, and not a mere opinion. A joke that is not truthful cannot be funny, despite any laughter it may receive, since by definition, it does not meet the objective criteria to be considered such. Many laughter addicts have admitted to breaking and entering stables to ask horses, “why the long face?” only to report feeling disappointed after realizing horses don’t possess the ability to talk, despite what many horse jokes misleadingly depict. Lastly, the idea of “ethically-made” comedy is a lie. Comedy is an inherently oppressive business that exploits people for the pleasure of others. Many people who are unable to pursue a college degree and have no technical skills have no choice but to sell themselves for others‘ entertainment, as if they’re some sideshow attraction. They literally make a living from being laughed at. It degrades them as a person, reducing them to nothing but a clown, whose entire existence is dedicated to performing the same function as nitrous oxide. Comedy promotes unhealthy habits and self-harm, such as in the case of Chris Farley, who spent his entire life playing the stock “fat guy that falls down all the time haha” trope, and even long after his death, that’s been his whole legacy. Everyone thinks of Tommy Boy and Matt Foley, but they never stop to consider the human behind the caricature. None of his movies really gave him the nuanced character development that would have really humanized him in his “fat guy in a little coat” arc. His performances didn’t fully capture the realism of health problems associated with morbid obesity and body slamming into furniture. A skit where Chris Farley gets confronted by his doctor about his worsening heart condition would have definitely been so much more realistic. But no, he died helping us get high off our own endorphins instead. Just goes to show the comedy industry has no problem objectifying comedians as props as long as it will make money. Also, would you really want your son or daughter to become a comedian? Like, let’s be honest, once you’ve established yourself as a tool to make people laugh, that’s all audiences will ever expect out of you, and no one will ever take you seriously ever again despite anything you do to change. Adam Sandler may try to land serious roles and become a real “actor” but no one will ever see him as anything other than “Happy Gilmore.” This addiction is no laughing matter! Period.",,31,alanfarwell,2021-03-18 22:00:37 TheBluePill,m7fd3v,NSW Police Commissioner seems pretty RedPilled.,,https://www.9news.com.au/national/nsw-mick-fuller-calls-for-consent-app-to-tackle-sexual-assault/417dc8ba-c2d4-4672-842a-080f3ff38f40,74,[deleted],2021-03-18 00:57:27 TheBluePill,m4wpcc,"Incels really love setting themselves up for failure, don't they?",,https://i.redd.it/8t8vi139rym61.jpg,360,FoeHamma,2021-03-14 15:05:28 TheBluePill,m4yhme,Anon Sapio red pilling indian style,,https://i.redd.it/74dmkm4kzxm61.jpg,16,blorg,2021-03-14 16:36:30 TheBluePill,m08taj,"New study finds that not knowing how to flirt is the main reason behind ""involuntary singlehood""; this factor was followed by not knowing how to perceive signals of interest, a lack of effort, and an overly high level of choosiness.",,https://www.psychnewsdaily.com/new-study-finds-not-knowing-how-to-flirt-is-the-main-reason-behind-involuntary-singlehood/,36,-Aegle-,2021-03-08 05:32:15 TheBluePill,lzueau,"This totally happens bro, don’t question the veracity of it, bro.",,https://i.redd.it/3h1k1pauxml61.jpg,267,[deleted],2021-03-07 16:46:34 TheBluePill,m080c5,Introducing Incel Trading Cards!,,https://i.redd.it/8m27406dlol61.png,24,AdvocateDoogy,2021-03-08 04:43:41 TheBluePill,lyru6e,A nice shot of the pastor who told wives to lose weight and look more feminine.,,https://i.imgur.com/dL1wDIJ.jpg,390,FoeHamma,2021-03-06 02:17:39 TheBluePill,lxg6x5,Funny thought😂,"I realized that I’ve literally had my biggest dry spell whilst spending time on trp and watching videos😂 made me angry and toxic, scaring off normal women who actually wanted something with me (even casual sex), but I kept pushing them away When I quit and started talking to girls all the anger has left. I’m starting to feel like they are incels, cuz when I was on the forum I literally had the least sex in that time period I’ve had in my life",,140,kickbackgang,2021-03-04 08:43:06 TheBluePill,ltbylw,The cognitive dissonance of RP men,"Red Pill men keep bragging about their high body count while shaming women who sleep around in their 20s instead of getting married. You go on a Youtube channel like 33 Secrets or Coach Red Pill and they keep warning women not to sleep around and to get married in their 20s, or 'ride the c**k carousel' be 'damaged goods' in their 30s. Yet at the same time, ironically, they keep boasting about how many young beautiful women they've slept with. But see - it doesn't make logical sense - if, hypothetically, all women were to all follow the trad con ways of the 1950s and find a boyfriend in school and get married by 25 (as these men keep preaching), it wouldn't be possible for these cretins to have the apparent high body count that they do. And if you were really a 'Chad', 'Chong', 'Ahmed', or a 'Tyrone' (these are code words in the RP community for a muscular, attractive and well built young man who apparently gets all the girls but doesn't deserve them), the last thing you want to do is complain about loose young women and the degeneracy of modern girls, since you are benefitting from this system. The only dudes who get REALLY angry at young women who sleep around and not get married in their 20s are really the dudes who aren't getting any action. Amirite? So there are basically 2 conclusions we can derive from this: either 1. These men suffer from cognitive dissonance. 2. They're lying about all the women they've slept with and are just closet incels. After all, why would you be angry about the c**k carousel unless you weren't invited to join in?",,181,the_C_Atheist,2021-02-27 00:30:23 TheBluePill,ljqo7z,Incel gets schooled by an elementary school teacher,,https://i.redd.it/nubmab9jqeh61.png,349,FoeHamma,2021-02-14 15:43:29 TheBluePill,ljxxfz,"If you live in a glass house, don't throw stones",,https://i.redd.it/p3chjl8m9gh61.jpg,89,FoeHamma,2021-02-14 21:33:21 TheBluePill,ljsvfy,"Anyone else feel kind of bad for incels, neck beards, nice guys, est?","Disclaimer, I am not saying that their behavior is acceptable in any way. The way they talk about and treat women is completely unacceptable. There is no excuse for their level of sexism and the expectations they have for women. That all being said, a lot of times these guys are lonely, depressed and desperate. On top of all of this, they have poor social skills. Sometimes they aren't the best looking either. They don't have the skills or support they need to make the necessary changes because they are so unappealing to be around. Again, none of this is any excuse for the way they talk to or about women. It's just that when I think about their situation it makes me kind of sad. These guys are stuck in a rut of their own self destructive behaviors caused by their self fulfilling prophecies. It's just very sad to watch, because if they just changed their behavior they could live much happier lives. I'm not saying we should treat these people any differently, their situation is often one of their own making. It's just a bit of food for thought.",,65,CandyBoBandDandy,2021-02-14 17:30:36 TheBluePill,ljk6wj,MGTOW DAY LOL,,https://i.redd.it/vl79zos6eeh61.jpg,128,GOING_GHOST_MGTOW,2021-02-14 07:45:44 TheBluePill,ljt4t1,"Why the Red Pill Supported Donald Trump, And Then Lost Interest in Politics","&#x200B; https://preview.redd.it/zl1vkph2chh61.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=91e6c5ee89efc2cc78f8d16ec592ca8724dec843 [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O2c6xZculIM](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O2c6xZculIM) I noticed instantly that despite celebrating Trump's victory in 2016, many Red Pillers weren't true conservatives or Republicans. They represented the sector of the Trump base of disengaged voters who came out in droves for the President. So it was no surprise that after Trump lost, many of them became disinterested in politics. At least two individuals (dating coach and pickup artist) are facing criminal charges for storming the U.S. Capitol building.",,18,redpillnonsense,2021-02-14 17:43:01 TheBluePill,ljfm3u,Reddit algorithm. Wtf?,,https://i.redd.it/9ccia9a3xch61.jpg,131,Belgian_jewish_studn,2021-02-14 02:48:01 TheBluePill,ljr42y,The blind leading the blind,,https://i.redd.it/utkyhhutnfh61.jpg,7,FoeHamma,2021-02-14 16:06:46 TheBluePill,ljlzch,"Guys following the standard boring script have no idea why it is met with one word boring answers... A clue: get off-script, be inventive, try something new FFS. These openers don't inspire conversation when you've been asked the same thing 50 times a day 7 days a week! Geez",,https://www.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/ljgnra/good_talk/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share,7,Fuzzy-Scene,2021-02-14 10:19:59 TheBluePill,lj99vz,the paranoia is almost frightening; first time I visited TRP and found this- never again,[https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/6woyzi/three\_ways\_to\_consciously\_manipulate\_women\_before/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/6woyzi/three_ways_to_consciously_manipulate_women_before/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3),,49,TonytheCrony,2021-02-13 21:06:17 TheBluePill,lj6zze,It is with a heavy heart we must inform you: a new type of guy just dropped. Sigma Males on Fucqboi Book Club,,https://soundcloud.com/fucqboi-bookclub/smegma-males,23,FucqBoi_BookClub,2021-02-13 19:14:10 TheBluePill,li8rvj,Should 33 Secrets be quarantined on YouTube?,"As much as I just scoff at Red Pill channels like Coach Greg Adams and Sandman for their comically hyperbolic misogyny (but those channels are basically meant to cater to frustrated and angry albeit harmless men), I think that there are certain Red Pill channels on YouTube that cross beyond the realm of misogynistic into downright creepy. https://m.youtube.com/user/The33Secrets There is a channel entitled 33 Secrets which is run by a middle-aged fellow named Matt Cross who apparently gives men advice on how to 'get the youngest, hottest and most beautiful women on the planet', and what is even more outlandish is that this is a PICKUP Coach who APPARENTLY spins plates (has multiple s*X partners) while having the audacity to call unmarried women over 30 'whores', 'damaged goods' or the 'village bicycle' and quoting Bible passages in his religious agenda against 'immoral women' while prowling around bars and pubs chasing after the same women he condemns as Jezebels. Basically, this guy is YogiOabes on steroids. While it would be less concerning if he kept his shennanigans to bars and clubs, this fella has also made videos of himself going to university campuses to 'game' the female students, which he calls 'in field videos'. I am Malaysian and in Malaysian/Singaporean university campuses, we have very tight security and unless you're a student/staff, you need to provide a valid reason for entering the premises. When I was a student in Adelaide University, it seemed that anyone could enter the campus and access its facilities, and this seems to be the case with a lot of universities in the Western world. That's a good thing as anyone is able to access the books in university libraries and broaden their minds. But the downside is - because there is such easy access to uni campuses, creepy middle aged men like him can ALSO access these places full of young girls. Personally I wouldn't feel comfortable if there was a misogynistic philandering middle aged man coming to my 20 YO daughter's campus to prowl around like a tiger searching for meat. And the way he talks - ugh, for a 47 year-old man - he uses diction such as '18 year old hotties' when describing the women he wants. In fact in one of his latest videos, he said, ""More women are getting on online dating but don't get too excited yet, guys. It's not more 18 YO hotties."" He has also said that older women have been 'indoctrinated with feminism', unlike younger women, who can 'still be saved', and younger women are 'tighter' down there. All these are symptoms of a groomer. I myself am 31 this year, more than a decade younger than Matt Cross, and I don't think it's normal for a man my age to be going after 18 year old girls to date. My possible dating range is between 25-35, since I actually want someone at the same stage of my life, like most normal dudes do. Yet Matt Cross would say I am 'low value' because I am not going for 20 year olds. (why does he act like it's such an accomplishment to be a sugar papa?) Anyway, I think that this guy should be put on a predator's watchlist even though 18 is technically the legal age. He has all the symptoms of a groomer, and he and his sleazy followers already openly admit they go to college campuses and cafes to harass the girls. (Because apparently, 18 year old girls just drool over 40 year old men who were probably incels in their 20s) I think he should be considered a NSFW channel. Amos Yee was removed entirely from YouTube, and rightfully so, for defending pedophilia. While Matt Cross isn't a pedophile, and he doesn't endorse pedophilia, in the strict sense, he does have the attributes of a predatory and lascivious older man who objectifies women, and he is encouraging and endorsing predatory behaviour, which I fear could lead to sleazy older men going to college campuses in droves, like a pack of wolves, and making female students very uncomfortable. I have a Malaysian Chinese acquaintance who actually got groped by one older PUA type at a Melbourne nightclub (perhaps thinking that Asian women were not as 'aggressive' as Western women), and she turned around and gave the fella a tight slap on the face when he put his hand on her. (The technique Matt calls 'the claw', which is to put your arm around the girl's shoulder to build rapport apparently backfired horribly against this guy) I also think he should be put on a predator watchlist so university security keeps an eye on him when he enters college campuses so that he doesn't try anything funny. Good idea? I'd be happy to draft the petition if you all are agreeable. I've already reported this fella's channel on YouTube for its fringe content. I am not so petty that I'll report just any channel (I don't care to report Alexander Grace, Greg Adams or Sandman as they are pretty harmless), but I think 33 Secrets really crosses the line of normal societal behaviour, and people with teenage daughters ought to know who he is and stay vigilant.",,93,the_C_Atheist,2021-02-12 10:54:57 TheBluePill,lhqgfq,"My GF works, interacts with TRP, Alphas, etc.","Sorry if this doesn't belong here. I (49M) am the typical boring, ""nice guy"" accountant. My GF (47) of 4 years is a fitness instructor who works at a handful of gyms, clubs, fitness studios. She is a taller blonde, very fit with assets most men admire. We are not engaged so she doesn't have a ring on her finger. With her looks she gets young guys going for the hot ""MILF"" and the 40+in age players. She has her fair share of gym bros who think they are god's gift who ask her out. She handle's her own but any advice is appreciated. A few recent ones irked her and me a bit. Alpha gym bro got pissed when he asked her out and he told my GF she led him on. After one of her classes she asked if anyone had any questions. Guy came up and said ""yeah, I have a question. How about we go out sometime?"". I am sure that is a line he learned on TRP. She lives alone 2 hours away from me. She loves to do yardwork. The neighborhood has a landscaping company that does common areas. One of the young landscaper guys came up to her while she was watering her plants and asked to go grab a drink with him. I guess TRP taught him to be confident to approach a woman on her property. That made her nervous and she had to retreat to inside her home and lock her doors. I am not sure how women deal with this kind of BS.",,149,ipaid4it2,2021-02-11 18:01:21 TheBluePill,lh75k7,Yikes. Finally found one in the wild. Women are weak because they try too hard??,,https://i.redd.it/suxp7aiajqg61.jpg,98,crazyboatgirl,2021-02-10 23:31:28 TheBluePill,lgxr2i,Facebook comments on an advert for a book on toxic masculinity,,https://i.redd.it/2m9pwor0jog61.png,215,AintMisMehefin,2021-02-10 16:46:38 TheBluePill,lgvrda,Older Men Believe they can Date Younger Women with Ease | MGTOW | Red Pill,"&#x200B; https://preview.redd.it/qviaf8w82og61.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=388df5bd074a445957db80a011cfbfeb51fafc15 [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7eVfZulB8PU](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7eVfZulB8PU) When I published an article on the Manosphere, I had someone call me a liar for claiming that some men insist women hit the wall at 25. And I still get guys coming onto my channel and arguing that I'm delusional for thinking younger women don't want older men (older men means 35+). As some of my subs told me, this is just one massive cope. It's a message to make young consumers currently struggling with dating feel better about their future prospects.",,48,redpillnonsense,2021-02-10 15:16:19 TheBluePill,lgvagd,Not sure if this belongs here but I had to share it with someone.,,https://i.redd.it/a85m3ie6zng61.jpg,47,ElderDark,2021-02-10 14:55:14 TheBluePill,lgwq9f,Learn to accept yourself and be better,,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdX1mZRSIwM,6,SundayDiscovery,2021-02-10 16:01:03 TheBluePill,ldq69s,“Pants were invented for men not women”,,https://i.redd.it/ko0fdhzbwpf61.jpg,225,demosthenes98,2021-02-06 04:49:47 TheBluePill,ldmx12,It’s like a bad cliche but there are really men that think this way,,https://i.redd.it/zehc0dfmhrf61.jpg,32,[deleted],2021-02-06 01:39:47 TheBluePill,ld048b,Red Pill man goes berserk when she wants to take it slow,"https://www.google.com/amp/s/mustsharenews.com/singaporean-man-rejected/amp/ In this article, a horny Singaporean Red Pill man got salty when a Malaysian Chinese woman wanted to 'take it slow' and wouldn't give him instant P-sleeve. (to quote Coach Greg Adams) (To give you some context, Malaysia and Singapore are neighbours, but we Malaysians are often sneered at as the unsuccessful relative by more economically successful Singapore lol) I've noticed this a lot with Red Pill types actually. The moment they get rejected sexually, they go on this weird sanctimonious tirade of 'proper female morality', and start slut shaming in a really abusive way. Using words like 'damaged goods', 'c carousel', 'the wall', etc As if they themselves didn't want to get their d*cks wet in the first place. I personally know a guy in my junior college who was MGTOW even before the accronym got invented and man, was he fun to hang out with. Then they try to showcase how 'high value' they are to get the woman to feel repentant and contrite. (I'm a Malaysian Chinese guy, and he's also insulting us, since he's implying that unlike Singaporean men, we are willing to settle for 'damaged goods' like that woman) Thoughts? Did she miss out on some high value alpha male, or dodge a cannon ball",,185,the_C_Atheist,2021-02-05 05:13:35 TheBluePill,ld21dp,The Misogynistic ‘Dating Coach’ Who Was Charged in the Capitol Riot,,https://www.nytimes.com/2021/02/04/nyregion/samuel-fisher-capitol-riot.html?action=click&module=Top%20Stories&pgtype=Homepage,23,baltimoremaryland,2021-02-05 07:25:32 TheBluePill,lctbmu,"So being manly means being angry all the time, and not being cool and confident and suave like Luke Cage?",,https://youtu.be/i2usDiaYsKg,28,ryu289,2021-02-04 23:24:00 TheBluePill,lc70r7,"Let's all give him a hand, folks!",,https://i.redd.it/bqkhy3e44af61.png,408,FoeHamma,2021-02-04 04:03:20 TheBluePill,lc6pvj,"""Feminism is satanic!""",,https://i.redd.it/b4lohkm0qie61.png,11,AdvocateDoogy,2021-02-04 03:46:34 TheBluePill,lbh2wn,"Incel STEMlord uses Reddit answers as scientific proof for ""feeemale hypergamy""",,/r/IncelsWithoutHate/comments/khweta/compilation_of_threads_from_askwomen_that_confirm/,156,Dr-Hannah,2021-02-03 06:03:01 TheBluePill,la2l4o,Why don’t the grils like me?,,https://i.redd.it/903dzogjrue61.jpg,550,FoeHamma,2021-02-01 13:03:46 TheBluePill,la2et2,The Incel thought process,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/l9yjtn,16,FoeHamma,2021-02-01 12:54:38 TheBluePill,l7ulb2,The Problems With Red Pill Dating Courses / Advice,"&#x200B; https://preview.redd.it/v42liynxcae61.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=751f05b8f379c075f7592f150599bda456c61734 [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BbhGhfqLY3E](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BbhGhfqLY3E) The modern-day Red Pill community is just a rebranded version of the Pick-Up Artist industry. These courses, which are just repackaged information from YouTube and PUA books, cost anywhere from $250 to $900. I'm certain that some spilt the revenue because they endorse one another's course while competing for the same audience.",,91,redpillnonsense,2021-01-29 15:00:26 TheBluePill,l5suc8,"behold the latest bizzaro manosphere invention... The ""Sigma Male""",,https://i.redd.it/4fgx4vvh0sd61.jpg,502,snarkerposey11,2021-01-27 01:17:47 TheBluePill,l44kuu,"This is real. This is a real Tweet from one of the UK's most esteemed journalists, and he has faced zero repercussions",,https://i.imgur.com/yZUIgWG.jpg,533,gammonwrangler,2021-01-24 18:12:48 TheBluePill,l48dfg,"""Why won't hot girls choose me? Only I get to have preferences for attractive people!""",,https://i.redd.it/tyo2y2oz09d61.jpg,101,FoeHamma,2021-01-24 21:42:18 TheBluePill,l4i72i,MRAs just believe what they want to believe.,,https://i.redd.it/0nehi54vefd61.jpg,13,[deleted],2021-01-25 06:54:40 TheBluePill,l44mbx,Red pill YouTuber gets critiqued by famous you tubers aba and preach. Not only does he get críticas but the youtuber sent a legal action against them just for disagreeing with him lol.,,https://youtu.be/O60Du8AFaIA,29,[deleted],2021-01-24 18:14:40 TheBluePill,l3s1zh,Sad weeb noises 😭,,https://i.redd.it/no5yt42xq3d61.jpg,225,FoeHamma,2021-01-24 04:04:06 TheBluePill,l3qq16,A nice debate about charging false accusations and then this.,,https://i.redd.it/y1m27kft07d61.jpg,28,Lokmann,2021-01-24 02:42:33 TheBluePill,l3c8yj,*Sad Fat Neckbeard Noises*,,https://i.imgur.com/Wny6lH1.png,247,FoeHamma,2021-01-23 13:39:37 TheBluePill,l2dr7i,Should I be worried?,"Apparently, my teacher gave us a link to a Red Pilled Guy's (StephIsCold) advice to life after highschool to do cornell notes on. But I have a feeling that she just came upon it while searching for advice after highschool vids and she might have not known about this guy. He also happens to have knowledge on ""female nature"" and be a pick up artist. I'm just worried about my classmates falling into the red pill rabbit hole like many unfortunate people. I have researched the Red Pill community and it's full of misogyny and just idiotic stuff. Mostly about how to treat women badly enough for them to have enough low self esteem to be with you. It's messed up. Am I right to be worried or am I just overreacting? Please let me know.",,28,Sebagrind,2021-01-22 02:17:26 TheBluePill,l0qaxv,How to neg like a bo$$ 😂😂,,https://i.redd.it/uznsjcuo4cc61.jpg,21,101yearsfromnow,2021-01-19 18:48:12 TheBluePill,kzzzqz,"This community has a peculiar and interesting view of male-female relationships, and I've seen this topic discussed here as a lurker before, so I'd be interested in r/TBP's insights on this post of mine",,/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/kzhhp1/as_a_guy_i_find_it_very_discouraging_how_most/,19,throwawaylapro,2021-01-18 18:05:52 TheBluePill,kzihfu,"Female weebs don't exist, apparently",,https://i.redd.it/emqaxobrwwb61.png,355,FoeHamma,2021-01-18 00:07:42 TheBluePill,kvta53,The Manosphere's Fickle Support for Female YouTubers,"&#x200B; https://preview.redd.it/84sunyfw1xa61.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=ca28e1eed233c994c1865356c8263d761548e4e7 [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rxzr1Y5c-uM](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rxzr1Y5c-uM) Given the group's track record, I never understood why any woman would want affirmation from this group. And yes, some women are arbitrarily declares allies by the group unbeknownst to them.",,66,redpillnonsense,2021-01-12 15:02:34 TheBluePill,kvn346,"MGTOW. ""Rape is the most common lie"" please tell me again why MGTOW has not been banned yet.",,https://i.redd.it/az6iufaauua61.jpg,65,Bruciesballs666,2021-01-12 07:35:26 TheBluePill,ktm87j,FROM REDPILL TO BLUEPILL,"Hi all Bluepill enthusiasts hope all is well and good. This new years resolution for me is to make a transition from Redpill to Bluepill. What kind of Bluepill materials you suggest browsing -- for example, who is the Bluepill equivalent to, say, Rollo Tomassi or Roosh?",,95,FaP_caligula,2021-01-09 07:10:27 TheBluePill,krqqlh,My problem with incels,"I just want to preface this and say that I am not an incel, but I have a lot of things to say about them. The main problem I have with incels view of the world is that they see women as mindless drones who have no personality and no agency in their decisions, that they think that women only love men with super machistic characterstics, and who can only love them. This view of women with no ""brains"", with no personal characteristics of preferences, this view that women are just biological machines that were pre-programmed to always act a certain way and exclusively like certain things is in my opinion very anti-human and dehumanizing, depersonalizing. And when women come and say that they are not like that, that they are different, they tell them that they're lying because ""All women are like that"". They think that they finally cracked the biological code of how women work, found the ""red-pill"" and now every action of a women is clear to them: they only want to date super machistic muscular douchey guys and exploit the rest. All of this leaves no room for personality, individuality for women and absolutely defies the concept of love, that someone might like someone for other things that are not superficial, that different kinds of women exist who might be different from each other and might value different things. Take for instance the case of incels reacting to r/rolereversal (great subreddit btw, I reccomend you check it out if you haven't). They called all the people delusional there and outright denied that women who might be more into the softer, gentle kind of boys exist (and all of that in the time of previously unseen popularity of k-pop and e-boys and soft-boys). Women who would actually prefer boys who are not conforming to traditional gender roles and stereotypes not only exist, but are actually more prevalent than society likes to admit. And it all seems like a perfect antidote to this toxic masculinity and despair, but they seem to be deliberately blind to it. It's hilarous: even when faced out-right with a fact of existence of women who are not selfish, who are not shallow, who don't consider not being traditionaly masculine a bad trait they just deny all of it and accuse everyone of being a liar. Another thing with incels is that they view women (or in their case The Women©™) only as partners/sex objects. Not as humans with their own complex individualities, not as friends or other human beings, but only as their (or someone's) potential mates. Women do no exist for them in any other context. That (and toxic masculinity that is already present there) only helps to create and perpetuate misogynist stereotypes and ways of thinking within them. And quite honestly, a lot of their beliefs looks like simple projection: they accuse women of being disloyal, while they don't value faithfulness when it comes to them and would betray their partner if given enough of an incentive (which in their case is not much), they claim that all women are shallow and only care about looks and money while they are themselves are not very eager to talk about metaphysical and look into someones soul rather than the outer layer. If those women are the only ones that they acquaintant themselves with then I can only congratulate them on finding people with near identical outlook on life and a worldview, but unfortunately that is most likely not the case as everybody just looks at the world through the prism of their own soul. It really is sad how can one people dehumanize other group of people so much. In what myths can we believe about each other and how willfully blind we can be to the evidence to the contrary.",,179,RamazanBlack,2021-01-06 16:05:02 TheBluePill,kqrau8,Quality relationship advice from someone who has clearly interacted with women before...,,https://i.redd.it/qxv8a003ef961.jpg,391,FoeHamma,2021-01-05 05:14:56 TheBluePill,kqqmaw,"Twitter is full of this sort of behavior, at least the second guy gets it",,https://i.redd.it/o9uj9sc0jc961.jpg,47,FoeHamma,2021-01-05 04:34:12 TheBluePill,kqfcyo,One thing about redpillers that really puzzles me,"I've been reading these subreddits for a while now. Both incel/blackpill stuff and redpill stuff. It really does not surprise me that incels are a toxic self destructive cesspool when they are organized in these communities, all they do is pretty much: Reinforce every extreme pessimist thought and complex that they have Bring each other down,telling them it's over for them,it never begun,etc etc &#x200B; A textbook definition of a crab bucket. &#x200B; However redpillers really do surprise me. Why? Not every part of that doctrine is destructive, and yet holy shit are these fuckers paranoid and angry. You look in their writings and there's a good bit about self improvement, owning your own issues, taking care of your body and mind, not letting people step over you, maturing, yada yada And there's nothing wrong with any of that, nothing wrong with making a methodic and consistent effort to improve every area in your life And yet, why can't they let go of their fear? Why do these people seriously believe that everyone but them is ""*asleep to da evils of wahmen*"" or some other dumb shit like that? How do these people not realize that living in a way where you don't trust half of the fucking planet , because you think they are innately different from you, in a way that prevents you from ever being able to trust them, and the other half, because you think that they are *""asleep"",* and you need to ""*wake them up*"", is one of the most self-destructive things you could ever do for yourself? Like, really? Isn't that fucking insane? You don't need to live in fucking candyland to realize this, either, most people are pretty grounded in reality, no matter what these pretentious pseudo intellectuals say. Everybody knows that relationships have plenty of weird dynamics and terrible things that happen every day and are done by every gender identity possible, everyone knows that no gender identity is safe from both giving and receiving some serious relationship abuse either. So why? why is it that these people are sometimes married, other times in a long relationships or in more than a few short ones at the same time, they own businesses, they hold jobs, they have friends but they can't realize ***THIS SIMPLE FUCKING THING?*** ***WHY?***",,148,[deleted],2021-01-04 19:05:29 TheBluePill,kqizvu,%110+ confirmed bio-troof! Twerps are so smart and lodgikal.,,https://np.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/kqh4qv/why_women_after_cc_of_10_or_more_sausages_are/gi3sou9/?context=3,5,[deleted],2021-01-04 21:55:24 TheBluePill,kpkwg1,"Ladies, form a single file line please!",,https://i.redd.it/04r67mqfn0961.jpg,415,FoeHamma,2021-01-03 13:49:08 TheBluePill,kplma6,"The fact that they are telling women they can only act a certain way proves they don't really give a shit about the ""western values"" they are supposedly defending...",,https://i.redd.it/c3cmqyh2yx861.jpg,42,FoeHamma,2021-01-03 14:37:13 TheBluePill,kox949,Classically Abby vs Taylor Swift | The Man,,https://youtu.be/0k6SFkiGNxE,8,onlydogontheleft,2021-01-02 13:11:21 TheBluePill,kosio7,"Pay attention to a ""hoes"" energy",,https://youtu.be/PQBSyoYsaeI,4,BlikityBlinx,2021-01-02 06:29:56 TheBluePill,knyu64,Proud Boys throw a fit over ‘Proud Girl’ movement on Parler,,https://www.dailydot.com/debug/proud-boys-proud-girls-parler/?fb=dd&fbclid=IwAR30tnN-9p-La0KaD0o___zmPnj2qOlW3pLwMcwBekDeeIFM76o27h2XW_M,163,InfernalWedgie,2020-12-31 21:50:09 TheBluePill,knqajy,Red pill and Chirs Watts,"So I've recently started reading more about Chris Watts's case. I know that it's been widely discussed in America, but I'm from Poland and for me, it's still a new case. What shocked me (of course, expect disgusting and brutal murder of Shannan and her children by this monster) is how red pill ""gurus"" like Rollo Tomassi try to justify him [(example)](https://twitter.com/RationalMale/status/1030240873202642944). At this point, I don't know how anyone can think that red pill wants to even the playfield, or just support men. They blamed Chris's actions on his wife. And, of course, they tried to push the idea that her child wasn't his, that she cheated on him (we know, that it's Chirs who was unfaithful). Men in comments congratulated Rollo for his aMaZiNg idea. They blame his actions on her. And, of course, they tried to push the idea that her child wasn't his, that she cheated on him (we know, that it's Chirs who was unfaithful). Just wanted to share my thought on this. And it's not like I expected more of them.",,93,[deleted],2020-12-31 13:48:23 TheBluePill,knr63t,Manosphere Claims Black Men Need to Mate with White Women | Said Drake & J. Cole are Proof,"&#x200B; https://preview.redd.it/eojqgjdvbj861.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=5eff686f7f837ecbe0901b808e46624ad0f1809c [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OKVb\_6If2z8](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OKVb_6If2z8) When I first heard a YouTuber cite that a Black women has never raised a U.S. president as evidence for why Black men need to reproduce with White women, I laughed and placed it on my secondary channel. Then someone cited the same example on another channel along with other inaccurate contemporary and historical examples. The lunacy made me make this video.",,28,redpillnonsense,2020-12-31 14:45:35 TheBluePill,knk0m5,"A look back on Roosh V's book ""A Dead Bat in Paraguay""","If you take ""A Dead Bat in Paraguay"" without worrying about Roosh’s subsequent career it’s an enjoyable read. This is a sort of anti-travel book written by an observant and honest young man. The writing is uneven but there is some real potential there. It’s a shame that Roosh couldn’t have written more along these lines - but books like this don’t sell, and he was determined not to go back to his career as a microbiologist. To make money he wrote the “Bang” series about how to pick up girls in different countries - and so forged his reputation as a controversial figure who would be banned from some countries for his misogynist views. His reputation was the victim, and his publicity machine benefactor, of the easily triggered outrage of our PC times. There is a lot about how to bed girls in Dead Bat. In hostels and nightclubs from Ecuador to Brazil, Roosh and other young Western males scheme to score local women, with the less exotic but more accessible gringas as a back up. Having experienced this hostel scene myself, it’s hardly controversial or uncommon for guys and girls to have casual hookups as they travel the world, sometimes their free and easy Western values may clash with the more conservative local cultures. In South America the people are often more sexually conservative than their highly social manner would indicate. What is unusual about Roosh is how much he analyses and obsesses about how to pick up girls. He wants the algorithm that will get him as many girls as fast as possible. In fact, his first few months in South America are a total failure in this respect. Dead Bat is not only about trying to score, Roosh is actually really good at describing things that most will experience along the gringo trail between Lonely Planet attractions. His descriptions of long distance bus travel are a highlight: <i>“When you ask the fare catcher how long it takes to get to the next city, the time he gives you is based on maniacal driving. Regular driving takes twice as long to arrive and just isn’t as fun for the adrenaline junkies that compose the bus driver corps. It didn’t matter than the road to Tena was this gravel and dirt thing that days of rain had turned into thick mud. I could feel the back of the bus sliding as the driver hurried anyway like he was rushing the President of France to an important diplomatic meeting.”</i> The first half of the book, when Roosh is in Ecuador, Peru and Bolivia is the stronger half. There is more a balance of social commentary focusing on transport, the poor and food as well as unsuccessful pickup attempts. Roosh is not afraid to say that he is completely underwhelmed by the continent's number one tourist attraction: Machu Picchu - other gringos are shocked by his attitude. He is disparaging of the lack of hygiene in Bolivia, but sympathetic to the fate of the miners in the Potosi mines. The mines are another “must do” attraction, Roosh is not breaking any ground, but his description of the appalling conditions of the miners is quite good. So here are two examples of him sharing his raw thoughts: <i>""Bolivia has no redeeming qualities beside what nature bestowed on it, not to the credit of the people or culture. I hate Bolivia. I was on the road to health but Bolivia destroyed it, and now I was sick again. I should have rode the bus right through the country."" ""I felt small for complaining about my relatively easy job at home that paid me a salary the miners could only dream of. How did I come to the conclusion that a professional job with fair pay in a modern building was actually torture?""</i> Many have had the emotions in the first quote on a long bus ride but wouldn't write them down. We'd certainly like to express the sentiments in the second quote - whether we felt them or not. It is in Mendoza, Argentina that young Jedi Roosh turns in the Dark Vader pickup artist. Sitting on a bench he is overwhelmed by the beauty of Argentine women passing by. Up until this point Roosh has failed to get laid, but here he might make up for that. He and his crew of hostel friends hit the clubs hunting. But Argentine culture has some surprises in store for Roosh. He finds that he’ll get into conversations with girls and they’ll show great interest in him only to disappear if he takes a toilet break. They’ll touch him on the forearm, a real sign of interest in the USA, but again just disappear. They are toying with him and he is offended. When he gets close and goes for the kiss he finds another hurdle as girls turn their heads at the last moment. Why does it have to be this way? Roosh is very upset. He is discovering what many have about the Argentine social scene: it promises a lot to the outsider but delivers little. Here are beautiful girls who draw you in, but it is only their endless need for attention that motivates them, they are not interested in you at all. Argentines of the class that the beautiful girls of Mendoza come from are actually quite cliquey and conservative - and arrogant to boot. Wanting something from them will damage your self esteem, and this is a tipping point for the bold and cold yet sensitive Roosh. <i>“I was so mad I wanted to throw my drink into the crowd. I wanted it to smash on some girl’s head and I wanted her to bleed and cry. How much worse would I feel if I bought them another drink! God I was so stupid. Every night these girls disrespected me and played me like a cheap toy, and I kept going back for more. I leaned against a column, stewing in anger.” </i> There is an explanation for the Argentine woman's behaviour and that would be Argentinian men. The men are aggressive in trying to pick up, in a way that in America may be considered harassment. I recently talked to a kiwi woman traumatised by travelling in Argentina saying that the Argentine men were touching her all the time. So the women have natural defences against the men chatting them up - they can calm them by showing interest - but then disappear at the first opportunity. Often they are actually interested in the conversation with gringos, Argentines are quite intellectual if not particularly broad in their outlook. Roosh when talking about neighbouring (and in some ways similar) Chile sees the situation as chicken and egg: what came first the hard-to-get women or the aggressive men? In English speaking countries it’s not easy to get into conversation with an unknown woman at a bar - it's often seen as creepy in New Zealand - but if you do hit it off with someone, it can very often lead to something physical. Would you rather go out and talk to beautiful women but get no action? Or go out talk to nobody new - apart from once in a blue moon? After a lot of suffering, Roosh gets the low down on the behaviour of the girls from a local: <i>“The first: “There hasn’t been a sexual revolution in Argentina.” The second: “Girls have been trained that they aren’t worth anything if they are easy.” That would explain their unrevealing dress, lack of sexual suggestive dancing, and maddening head turns. His information helped me connect the dots, but the boat had already sailed.” </i> Just on a (probably unnecessary) personal note I experienced the scene in Mendoza in 2004 and 2005, several years before Roosh’s trip. I remember the exhausting schedule of going out at 2am that is the norm there - Roosh and his buddies start drinking at 9pm, giving them a full 5 hours before time to go out - I started at 6, the time I would start drinking in NZ or Asia, and this often had me too intoxicated to hit the clubs - which I was never much a fan of anyway. Another feature of Roosh's trip is the deterioration of his health both physical and mental, and this punishing nightlife schedule hardly helped. His guts give him a lot of trouble. He realises some of his other health worries are in his head but can't help it. Sigmund Freud may have enjoyed psychoanalysing Roosh, a man with hypochondriac neurosis stemming from frustrated sexual desires. He is the sort of person who needs a project otherwise his racing mind starts attacking: <i>""South America is not kind to even the mildest of hypochondriacs, which I had to accept I was. In the past I easily diagnosed a slight rash as scabies and odd headaches as brain tumors. When I got tested for HIV I’d browse through AIDS forums on the internet and calculate the odds I actually did have HIV before the results came in. A little twitch in the leg and I might as well be in the advanced stages of multiple sclerosis, a pain in the chest and it was a serious heart problem."" </i> Roosh makes a lot of male friends, often Irish or Aussie guys, hard drinkers, who are committed to going out at night. Roosh realises these friendships will be short-term and doesn’t get too attached. He befriends locals where he can too but never makes much effort to move beyond gringo hangouts, despite the fact he studies Spanish diligently. While surfing he rememberss nice episode with a friend, Max. They walk out to an offshore island at low tide to see some sea lions and for a moment feel happy because they have had a unique adventure: <i>“It was just me and a big piece of plastic in the ocean, away from the gringos and crazy Argentine girls, waiting for the water to lift me up. After riding a wave I’d turn around to face the ocean and feel the same as when on the rock with Max, when we watched the lobos sleep as the sun set in the background. My spirits were coming back. I was tired of moping and feeling sorry for my stomach and my luck.” </i> Finally Roosh has sex with an Argentine woman in Cordoba, getting his flag as he says. He also comes across a couple of characters he admires, the shameless 'predator' , who goes for the kill with girls without doubts and a high energy Italian who is a natural through his joyous demeanor which is impossible to replicate. Before leaving Argentina Roosh gives us some interesting positive cultural insight, largely absent from his blow by blow accounts of nights out which begin to get tedious: <i>“Along with the huge bottles of beer that one person can’t possibly finish on their own before it gets warm, the Argentines have a culture of sharing and community that is only dependent on your luck of getting an invitation. My Quilmes beer is your beer, my mate is your mate, like weed smoking almost, but sip-sip-give instead of puff-puff-give. The best way to get to know an Argentine is through beer or mate (they smoke weed, too).” </i> An Argentine friend told me that when she was in a club in Florianopolis, Southern Brazil, Argentine men on holiday would come up to her and ask ""mina or menina? "" meaning 'Argentine or Brazilian?'. If the answer was mina the men would walk away, it being too much effort to pick up an Argentine girl compared to a Brazilian. So Roosh's last stop is Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, a place that he has been told is the promised land for the pickup artist. Before getting there Roosh moves through Uruguay and Paraguay, where he wakes up with a dead bat in his bed, hence the title of the book - which I think was well chosen. In Rio the girls are more friendly and Roosh starts to enjoy himself, despite lingering problems with his stomach. He enjoys the fresh juices especially the acai, and makes friends with the guy who runs a juice stall, Marcelo. Roosh is quite taken by Marcelo's upbeat attitude despite his six day a week work schedule. As a natural introvert brought up in an Anglo culture, Roosh realises his life can never be as immediate and social as the average Brazilian. On one of his many pickup stints in a crowded club, he approaches a girl who actually finds him interesting. So begins the great romance of this book - Roosh can’t quite believe luck - she is beautiful, passionate and caring. He also meets up with some Brazilian girls he met earlier in his trip, forms solid friendships with them and gets insights into how Brazil ticks. In the end though he pines for home. He misses his family and wants to fix his stomach. He buys a plane ticket and leaves his girl. This is sad, what he sought did not seem to mean much to him in the end - surely he could have given the relationship a go? But to this point the story is not too tragic - it’s the epilogue that spooked me because of its near nihilistic tone. Two years later Roosh, now thirty, returns to Rio, by this stage he has already begun publishing his bang books. Unfortunately one of his local friends has discovered his writing and is obviously shocked - this must have been a constant danger for Roosh. Amazingly he meets up with his old flame and she is willing to take him back - such things don’t happen! But again he can’t commit and their dates are increasingly hard to read about. Despite this downer there was some stuff I could really relate to in his Rio vignettes. For example: I got robbed by knife wielding favela kids outside the Help disco at Copacabana beach in 2005. My friend and I didn't have much money on us so that was OK - but after the robbery we had nothing for a taxi and so had a spooky 2am walk back to our hostel. This was made worse by the fact that my friend was legless drunk and I virtually had to carry him. I never did make it to Help, probably a good thing as before it closed downit was famed for being full of prostitutes. Roosh also leaves Help club late at night and on foot, but has an interesting tactic not to get robbed - he takes his shirt off - reasoning that a shirtless man will be a less likely target for potential muggers. Roosh states that he is someone who never paid for it, he was just in Help for curiosity's sake. In 2011 Roosh has this to say about Dead Bat: ""A Dead Bat In Paraguay gets murdered in sales by my other books (even Bang Colombia), but I have much more pride in it than the others. For artists there’s what pays the bills and then there’s what you do because you wanted to share a story. I think this book shows who I really am (the good and the bad) and also the best of whatever writing ability I possess. "" Now that he has become a born again Christian - or at least a born again Russian Orthodox Christian, if there is such a thing, he has said in 2020 that his adventures in South America were worthless: “I went on to rack up a lifetimes’ worth of experience all around the world, and now that I look back at it all, I see that it was a waste. In 2007, I backpacked for six months through South America. I started in Ecuador and snaked my way through half of the continent, eventually ending up in Rio de Janeiro to celebrate Carnival”...“Where is that experience now? How does it help me today outside of the specific task of taking a road trip?” “If I were to write a memoir of my life, the most prominent lessons would be knowing how *not* to live, what *not* to do” “\[E\]xperience is just a code word for sin, and the more experience you participate in that is disconnected from God, the more you please Satan and his efforts to condemn your soul.” I have no doubt that the spiritual path is a good option for Roosh right now, since he has taken some of his pickup books off sale and is not running his Return of Kings website anymore he has taken a financial hit by adjusting his content past and present to fit his new set of values. His preaching of no fornication before marriage and that worldly experience is useless and you should be praying instead (could be something in that) seem to me the traits of a rather extreme personality. He was a pickup guru preaching free sex and now has swung to the other extreme as a counterweight his past. If he wasn’t doing something extreme where would his followers be though? - he needs to embody some kind of character, otherwise the horror of becoming Joe Bloggs waits. However, I think his attempts to become a pure soul are genuine enough and not some kind of publicity stunt. In terms of writing I don’t see him putting out anything as interesting as Dead Bat again though. In Dead Bat Roosh briefly visits Buenos Aires, one of Latin America’s great cities but dismisses it as a dump. I think Buenos Aires (pretending Covid never happened) is still a good destination for a young westerner. For a woman looking for love, the hostels provide easy hookups, but as for dating the locals, a lot of young Western women don’t appreciate the aggressiveness of Argentinian men despite the fact that many are good looking. What about a young man turning up in Buenos Aires? It is true that Argentinian women like to play games and can be very frustrating like Roosh experienced. I wasn’t single on my last visit to Buenos Aires so my ideas might be wide of the mark, but I would advise the young man to live somewhere near the Abasto mall in the Almagro neighbourhood. This is an area with not too many gringos and a lot of non-Argentinian South Americans. It’s a good place for Peruvian and Brazilian food. There are bars that are much cheaper than those in the tourist areas like Palermo and San Telmo. Admittedly those who hang out at them tend to be hippies and cocaine aficionados - but hey that might be your scene. I would suggest this young man might do well to pursue a Venezuelan. There is an influx of them due to the economic crisis in their home country. They are much better at doing service jobs than Argentinians, many local restaurants now employ Venezuelan waitresses because they aren’t lazy and arrogant like the locals. They are engaging people and so easy to start a conversation with. Also many of them are very well educated. Accountants and architects back home, in Argentina they are happy with any work they can get. Just an idea. I have gone way off topic. Dead Bat is an interesting book about the gringo trail in South America by a man looking to self-actualise while fighting his own demons...don't read it as a how to guide, but also don't let it get your moral hackles up without due reason.",,17,femalaparte,2020-12-31 05:41:54 TheBluePill,kmhhmz,"""My GF is tense during sex how do I help her relax?"". I know what advice you’ll be thinking but this is redpill man and an endorsed contributor so he advises "" tie her up...""",,https://i.redd.it/8gjvl4c8k5861.jpg,209,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-12-29 16:26:15 TheBluePill,kmf9pp,Why Do the Manosphere Disdain Single Mothers? | Red Pill | MGTOW," https://preview.redd.it/h15x5jxgx4861.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=5b0ff1611f9d93489cc4ef3d0433b18be09ff4ff [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X8AnowB1pyE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X8AnowB1pyE) Personally, I would never tell someone whether they should or shouldn't date a single mother, but there's a strong difference between having a preference and demonization. What's ironic is that while the Manosphere often tarnish single mothers, the group promotes behaviors that produce single motherhood and is largely anti-marriage. One content creator recalled being on a panel with several guys who were railing about single mothers, yet most of them had children out of wedlock and weren't with the mother of their child.",,25,redpillnonsense,2020-12-29 14:19:32 TheBluePill,km46v6,The Joker avatar is the icing on this Incel cake,,https://i.redd.it/tj6rdxv5qx761.jpg,234,FoeHamma,2020-12-29 01:42:21 TheBluePill,kmajn2,Imagine doing this to yourself and your family,,https://i.imgur.com/gW0KwKg.png,40,MayonaiseRemover,2020-12-29 08:36:43 TheBluePill,kmbwux,"Ummm, not sure what to say about this... redpill is diversifying their brand into conspiracy theorists, prophecies and doomsayers?",,https://i.redd.it/uj8lz6u9s3861.jpg,20,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-12-29 10:27:48 TheBluePill,km7xu1,(TW: domestic violence) does anyone else lurk on married red pill and get nauseous??,,https://ibb.co/VVHgs3C,21,mountainofjoy,2020-12-29 05:24:56 TheBluePill,km7irb,Bleak love,,https://i.redd.it/yfos62xd52861.jpg,18,Admirable_Activity22,2020-12-29 04:57:46 TheBluePill,klp535,Every Asian woman’s dream,,https://i.redd.it/szdfpgcqdt761.jpg,366,FoeHamma,2020-12-28 11:49:03 TheBluePill,kk0lty,"Incels: ""Girl's standards are too high!"" also Incels:",,https://i.redd.it/uz0pa15ng9761.jpg,524,FoeHamma,2020-12-25 15:20:52 TheBluePill,kjpo2e,when inc*ls try to get political,,https://i.redd.it/xi139tpj68761.jpg,301,snarkerposey11,2020-12-25 00:12:19 TheBluePill,kjcsf2,The often-missed toxic masculinity of Breaking Bad,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/kjcsf2,350,[deleted],2020-12-24 09:53:19 TheBluePill,kiod8c,Red Piller Explains Why Men and Women Can't be Friends,,https://youtu.be/LvSdt3rZHb8,79,chickenstuff18,2020-12-23 07:06:30 TheBluePill,kiouev,A MANLY video for MANLY men about TOXIC MASCULINITY,,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PjQ2B5cQ_gs,6,MayonaiseRemover,2020-12-23 07:44:04 TheBluePill,khmch0,Here is a sneak peak at the kind of comments Incels leave before I ban them and remove all of their comments.,,https://i.redd.it/eimtyx9nwk661.jpg,176,Jenn_There_Done_That,2020-12-21 17:56:02 TheBluePill,khsu28,saw a post on mgtow about being banned for posting here and noticed barely anyone actually asked what he said. pointed this out and definitely got an... interesting response 🤠,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/khsu28,43,[deleted],2020-12-21 23:19:39 TheBluePill,kgymtx,The enlightened gentlemen at MGTOW happily upvote a “joke” that says all women are trash,,https://i.redd.it/1wxk8wsjqd661.jpg,231,Jenn_There_Done_That,2020-12-20 17:57:13 TheBluePill,kh388z,A short but succinct article that explores how racism and sexual insecurity fuels Alt Right/Incels/MGTOW/MRAs towards blatant misogyny towards all women,,https://www.nbcnews.com/think/opinion/alt-right-fueled-toxic-masculinity-vice-versa-ncna989031,22,Jenn_There_Done_That,2020-12-20 21:53:39 TheBluePill,kgy1bb,"Red Pill, Manosphere, & MGTOW Love to Complain About American/Western Women","&#x200B; https://preview.redd.it/p6zqdewamd661.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=e84ab0135a439bf47a6e4bba608d0345d918f9aa [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUeOUOGISXs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUeOUOGISXs) The debate about whether foreign women are better dating partners than American/Western women has existed in Red Pill spaces for around a decade. You can find men debating the topic from well over ten years ago on other online spaces. I took the time to explain the racial divide within this debate.",,12,redpillnonsense,2020-12-20 17:25:28 TheBluePill,kfzf49,A girl can dream 🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤,,https://i.redd.it/6uezu058jz561.jpg,425,FoeHamma,2020-12-19 02:31:11 TheBluePill,kg4p2l,"""Listen females... I'm gonna mansplain about your choices because you're just wasting your fertile years on education and not finding a man to marry and have babies. You need to stop fighting your natural urges for marriage/babies, stop education, stop the choices feeemales."" Says man with no SOH",,https://i.redd.it/f2fasgkd24661.jpg,109,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-12-19 09:16:09 TheBluePill,kfaj58,I can feel the resentment.,,https://i.redd.it/z8dsbr2lvo561.jpg,182,FoeHamma,2020-12-18 00:54:02 TheBluePill,kfbcdg,women need to stop being so emotional,"i cant. y r women always so emotional. they literally cry three times when they watch beauty and the beast real people movie. why would anyone do that? its not even a sad movie or anything. stop crying, whotes",,3,PlanetPluto123,2020-12-18 01:42:00 TheBluePill,kckoky,"Sorry incels, no tradwife for you!",,https://i.redd.it/7bq5t0suiz461.png,728,FoeHamma,2020-12-13 22:47:53 TheBluePill,kcegc2,The Manosphere is Full of Self-Centered & Immature Men | SoloTV84 | MGTOW | Red Pill,"&#x200B; https://preview.redd.it/fg5rkzzbnz461.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=4462af1f2fcf9417db38f3e88f0fab86a264b355 [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=\_wWuhzV60MA](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_wWuhzV60MA) When I first came across the Manosphere, I was taken aback that grown men were still measuring their self-worth and validation by how many sexual partners they had. It’s a behavior prevalent among male high school and college students, but eventually people stop bragging about such activities. But these men are an exception. Even when responding to criticism, they accuse critics of lacking a sex life. The self-centeredness is irritating. If you don’t 100 percent agree with these men or share their experience, you’re classified as an enemy of the state. In the Black Manosphere, you’re viewed as being anti-Black male.",,18,redpillnonsense,2020-12-13 17:21:00 TheBluePill,katkiz,"""Should i leave my GF? She is bellow average and fat""",,https://np.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/kalbow/should_i_leave_my_gf_she_is_bellow_average_and_fat/,130,[deleted],2020-12-11 02:22:20 TheBluePill,ka2mbu,"This incel was crawling around a months old thread here, giving “dating advice”.",,https://i.redd.it/j5uxq9f6q8461.jpg,252,Jenn_There_Done_That,2020-12-09 22:48:24 TheBluePill,k9uect,I made a DCEU Action Compilation of Red Pillers Threatening to Brawl with one another,"&#x200B; https://preview.redd.it/3dv3258ko6461.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=a90dab39b0680b19801686f2cc0015565328a2d9 [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EGy0NzgaYyA](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EGy0NzgaYyA) These Internet gangsters constantly claim they'll hop on a plane to brawl with another person they never met over a disagreement on a panel. I find it as comedy because these same men insist women are emotional and men are logical.",,10,redpillnonsense,2020-12-09 15:58:29 TheBluePill,k9jewd,"""Were women always this predatory?"" ""They always were. History books say so.""",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/jwn0o2/female_nature/gcsao8k,102,PablomentFanquedelic,2020-12-09 02:56:20 TheBluePill,k9jfmc,"""Good guys finish last always.""",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/jqa76y/good_guys_finish_last_always/,16,PablomentFanquedelic,2020-12-09 02:57:35 TheBluePill,k8eeb2,"Hi, I'm literally being traumatised by your advice. Can you give me even more advice, bros?",,https://i.redd.it/ik5mxa27vq361.jpg,30,Metrodomes,2020-12-07 10:44:27 TheBluePill,k8597k,"The classic ""Women from my country don't like me, but I'm sure foreign women will!""",,https://i.redd.it/8t2p11yrul361.jpg,204,FoeHamma,2020-12-07 00:02:09 TheBluePill,k7xnml,The Monetization of the Red Pill: Rebranded Pickup Artists | Manosphere | Dating Coaches,"&#x200B; https://preview.redd.it/8pmh5avwnl361.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=58d28b501d61c43e408f2cc061b22feacdedbd5e [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kg9-kFLxYdY](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kg9-kFLxYdY) Social media, particularly YouTube, helped the Red Pill transform from an ideology on obscure blogs and forums to this conglomerate it is today. A lot of red pill content creators are simply rebranded PUAs, basically an evolution of what this scam already was…Due to social media back in the 2000s, at least 90% of PUAs were exposed making fake infield footage for their channels supposedly showing how to apply ""game."" When in reality, they just paid random people or actors to partake in the act. Now, since PUA was gradually exposed for its deceptive methods a lot of its former promoters started to use a more predatory and aggressive business narrative towards its consumers, encouraging them to adopt a right-wing mindset, stop befriending women, focusing on ""alphaness"" rather than their own mental health. Narratives such as ""the wall"", ""beta male"" and so on are made to undervalue non-consumers while upholding consumers, it's a common tactic in sales marketing, like a car salesman who undervalues people who prefer to walk or a fashion store who undervalues people who aren't interested in its clothing. Red Pillers have used the same tactics. For example, rather than holding bootcamps and sessions where men paid thousands of dollars to learn what is essentially common sense, they offer courses to understand “female nature” and help clients in their dating lives. These courses cost several hundred dollars. Like sales marketing, they give discounts for a limited amount of time to encourage people to purchase it. They also overpromise their clients like PUAs, guaranteeing them they will get gorgeous women. As someone in education, I cringe at the idea of a course that lacks a syllabus and a teaching philosophy. The testimonials lack the characteristic of what medical professionals and consultants place on their businesses. Usually, a testimony states what the client’s problem, was, how the professional fixed it, and the result. Testimonials on Red Pillers’ websites are literally just one or two sentences of the results and the person is anonymous. Others post messages they received on social media with no way to verify their legitimacy. If you enjoyed the video, like, comment, share, and subscribe.",,49,redpillnonsense,2020-12-06 17:16:06 TheBluePill,k5cq37,Why The Red Pill Will Kill You Inside (x-post from r/everymanshouldknow,,/r/everymanshouldknow/comments/29hbtj/emsk_why_the_red_pill_will_kill_you_inside/,24,Immarrrtal,2020-12-02 16:39:39 TheBluePill,k43xbo,"Probably the most misogynistic, rape apologistic, and downright disgusting PPD exchange I've ever had the misfortune of reading. [Major TW]",,https://np.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/k3r5p1/what_are_your_views_on_how_title_ix/ge5desu?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3,116,[deleted],2020-11-30 20:04:43 TheBluePill,k3s6fy,"TRP ""worked wonders"" for my relationship! On an unrelated note my friends now think I'm an asshole and my relationship is in the shitter.",,https://np.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/k3nqdz/one_of_best_friends_girlfriends_hates_my_red_pill/,164,[deleted],2020-11-30 08:46:24 TheBluePill,k3bq16,There's a lot to unpack here,,https://i.redd.it/sydnfxwee1261.jpg,263,FoeHamma,2020-11-29 16:00:31 TheBluePill,k3del4,SYSBM Makes No Sense | Video Essay | Interracial Dating | Red Pill | MGTOW | Manosphere,"&#x200B; https://preview.redd.it/6krueh9cs7261.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=c1e7975083d4bd67484d7e69ddd3bb373a31c320 [https://youtu.be/CuXEREkcSAk](https://youtu.be/CuXEREkcSAk) For those that don't know what SYSBM (Save Yourself Black Man) is, it's an online subculture that promotes interracial dating/marriage as saving oneself while demonizing Black women. It has it's own esoteric terminology and belief system. It claims all Black men, past and present, as SYSBM if they were married to a non-Black women. But it is incoherent. For example, it claim not all Black women are bad but insist finding a good Black women is equivalent to getting struck by lightening. It also insist it talks about Black women because men have to deal with them in areas such as customer service, but the majority of its critiques deal with dating and mating. These are men in their 40s who are married with children but demonize Black women for dating out.",,9,redpillnonsense,2020-11-29 17:33:29 TheBluePill,k24xu7,"""My daughter keeps coming home with liberal views from her school and friends, please help me understand what I should do next to save her soul.""",,https://np.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/k22qd5/i_feel_like_i_am_fighting_a_losing_battle_my/,200,[deleted],2020-11-27 17:02:42 TheBluePill,k1esvk,Why do terpers want to make everything simple and primitive?,"I just realized that terpers have a lot of hatred and disdain for things that make us more evolved as humans such as : love and emotions, art, creativity, spirituality, human connection, lack of prejudice and ability to have flexible thinking .. I just watched a video by Rollo Tomassi talking about the ""feminine mystique"" and he was getting triggered the whole show about the fact that women are portrayed as ""mystical"" in a lot of pop culture and as if they have ""secret knowledge and information""or ""soft power"" lol. What is wrong with soft power? Don't they realize that we live in a world where soft power is becoming increasingly more important as we are surrounded by tons of information and complex world events? It's like they are only focused on the primitive aspects of a human: hunting, mating, survival, being an ""logical alpha"". Why are they so scared of the more mysterious, emotional and complex aspects of humans?",,118,yurii20,2020-11-26 12:58:18 TheBluePill,jzid72,The Manosphere Loves Trolling Small Female YouTubers | Red Pill | MGTOW,"&#x200B; https://preview.redd.it/7js59s5rzz061.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=ec37d4b62dcc88614c8ded52710f1afd67d10002 [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bwIRcAQ5Qns](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bwIRcAQ5Qns) One pattern I noticed in the Red Pill is that YouTubers with large followings love trolling small female content creators, but will willingly ignore male critics (like myself) and dismiss them as a ""clout chaser,"" a ""nobody', as we well as hurl juvenile insult. But these men, who sometimes have nearly or over 100,000 subscribers, troll women with less than 1,000 subs (lowest I've seen was 16) and send their subscribers to harass them in the comment section. Donovan Sharpe has infamously gone after small YouTubers, and out of everybody, he does it the most.",,115,redpillnonsense,2020-11-23 14:17:00 TheBluePill,jwgg1s,"Manosphere/Red Pill: Black Men Are Highly Desired in Canada | Vancouver, British Columbia","&#x200B; https://preview.redd.it/eomwr5bsa0061.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=c22287f72e3d7993aecbb5a9f9ec0f24d2730cbc [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6XBx\_AZDsSI](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6XBx_AZDsSI) Canada holds an ambiguous reputation within the Manosphere that fall along the lines of race. In the White sector of the Red Pill, some prominent content creators are Canadian and often dismiss the country as being overrun by feminism. Roosh V infamously decried that “Toronto sucked” after a trip there where he attempted to use PUA tactics on women. But the Black sector of the Red Pill does not hold the same contempt. These men cite Canada’s small Black population as proof of Black men’s exoticness to non-Black Canadian women. In their minds, American and British Black men are highly sought after by women they deem to be 8s, 9s, and 10s. Because Ontario has the largest Black population in the country, these men favor western provinces, particular British Columbia (in fact, I have yet to hear anyone discuss a trip to Alberta or Saskatchewan). Both groups significantly exaggerate.",,70,redpillnonsense,2020-11-18 14:12:13 TheBluePill,juwwre,Red Pill Guy Claims Latinas' Private Parts Taste Like Milk Because They Don't Get Abortions (Unlike Black Women),"&#x200B; https://preview.redd.it/4f1tejywxhz51.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=cc4c344de83062173f0a25669a6922a0243d3edc [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JnpPzzMFVaQ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JnpPzzMFVaQ) I made this short video about a guy claiming Latinas' private parts taste like milk because they don't get abortion. And he claimed a Polish woman said she worship her man over God.",,141,redpillnonsense,2020-11-16 00:27:50 TheBluePill,jtsdti,Manga girl tells it like it is,,https://i.redd.it/9cuo67ylq0z51.jpg,491,FoeHamma,2020-11-14 00:44:37 TheBluePill,jt4b8z,The Lame & Predictable Comebacks from the Manosphere | Red Pill | MGTOW | SYSBM,"&#x200B; https://preview.redd.it/0uw8qhggtvy51.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=11ce0a3131894d08c14d1f131ab6451965e25b9a [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1EibqOyy\_xM](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1EibqOyy_xM) When folks in the Manosphere and SYSBM responded to two articles I wrote in 2019, I was a disillusioned by the fact that men in their 30s, 40s, and 50s resorted to juvenile insults. I cannot write some of them down because YouTube would remove my comment, but they mostly consisted of calling me suspect, a clout chaser, wimpy, a stalker, as well as claiming I wasn’t enrolled in graduate school (never mind the fact that YouTuber Green Gorilla is a PhD candidate that many men in the space support). All of them revealed that they knew little to nothing about graduate school. The Prophet of Thought Series, for example, thought I was enrolled in classes (candidacy means I’m finished with course work and writing the dissertation).",,7,redpillnonsense,2020-11-12 22:03:29 TheBluePill,js1him,"Alek Minassian, the guy who did the Toronto van attack, fits the demographic perfectly",,https://i.redd.it/8qo51vir9hy51.jpg,301,FoeHamma,2020-11-11 04:36:59 TheBluePill,jrr5se,[Palpatine voice] Goooooooooood,,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/jb2ss6/anger_is_not_a_phase/,24,PablomentFanquedelic,2020-11-10 19:03:49 TheBluePill,jqyd3r,The Manosphere/Red Pill Reaction (Meltdown) to Donald Trump's Defeat in 2020 Election,"&#x200B; https://preview.redd.it/y5socnik38y51.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=c61fd20a8bb8975d0c1f59866bc3bf7d74511482 [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jDPqt8-bLY](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jDPqt8-bLY) I made this compilation video of their reactions. It's funny, but I later found it to be pathetic.",,133,redpillnonsense,2020-11-09 14:17:27 TheBluePill,jpihq4,"“Men build, women destroy""",,https://i.redd.it/v9qe9g05sox51.jpg,555,FoeHamma,2020-11-07 02:08:47 TheBluePill,jpe4ea,Does anyone else feel like this is a cult I should be running from?,,https://i.redd.it/kdplu1bcwox51.jpg,114,CandyBoBandDandy,2020-11-06 21:42:32 TheBluePill,joh4io,Women are expendable commodities,,https://i.redd.it/yobrbmmloex51.jpg,272,[deleted],2020-11-05 11:21:18 TheBluePill,jo3pwl,"Prehistoric hunters weren't all male. Women killed big game, too - CNN. Cannot wait to see the explanations from the manosphere!",,https://www.cnn.com/2020/11/04/americas/prehistoric-female-hunter-burial-scn/index.html,270,invaderpixel,2020-11-04 19:58:20 TheBluePill,jnyonu,Got to love their revenge fantasies.,,https://www.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/jnu442/what_happens_to_these_young_whores_when_they/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share,52,misiepatysie,2020-11-04 15:30:15 TheBluePill,jmrr46,"So, is the wage gap reversed, calculate wrong, lessening, or not real? Can he not pick an ignorant lane to stay in?",,https://i.redd.it/ga65wm9k0vw51.png,129,3KidsInTheTrenchCoat,2020-11-02 17:21:15 TheBluePill,jmzas7,A FEMALE MGTOW/TRP YouTube channel.....!?!,,https://www.youtube.com/c/FeminismLOL,11,NdN124,2020-11-02 23:48:34 TheBluePill,jjclv9,"Incels: ""Why do people hate us?😭"" also Incels:",,https://i.redd.it/0qb1v5t3kmv51.jpg,669,FoeHamma,2020-10-27 23:28:44 TheBluePill,jimzht,'Monogamy is socialism' and other hot takes;,"https://quillette.com/2019/03/12/attraction-inequality-and-the-dating-economy/ Came across this article and had to post it. It has a few gems amidst the word salads. >.....inequality” as basically synonymous with “income inequality.” There are so many other types of inequality that get air time less often or not at all.... there is a type of inequality that everyone thinks about occasionally and that young single people obsess over almost constantly: inequality of sexual attractiveness. Not getting laid is the same as not being able to feed your family despite working 3 jobs, guys! Some rambling about Gini coefficients later... >But while the situation for women is something like an economy with some poor, some middle class, and some millionaires, the situation for men is closer to a world with a small number of super-billionaires surrounded by huge masses who possess almost nothing. The old 80-20 chestnut again. This must mean that 80% of men die virgins, right? Wrong, because.... >The institution of monogamy is itself a “redistributive” type of policy: like capping the income of billionaires, it caps the total allowed romantic partners of the most attractive, so that unattractive people have much better chances to find a partner. So monogamy, which in the paragraphs prior, the author explains is not natural (don't a lot of animals exhibit monogamy?), is actually communism. >The marriages that we read about in historical accounts that are based on prudence and family arrangement make more sense when we realize that basing marriage on mutual attraction leads so many—both men and women—to be unsatisfied with the outcome, since most women find most men unattractive. And arranged marriages are a form of communism too, because most men are unattractive (?) I stopped reading here, because I was in splits. I think this is the first time I have seen incel literature engage in leftist thought, by their standards. Will the incel revolutionaries be like Che Guevara, defying our stereotype of unhygienic neckbeards eating doritos and drinking mountain dew? Only time will tell.",,100,blazerz,2020-10-26 20:51:27 TheBluePill,ji9s9e,"Misogynistic, creepy, incel date","I don’t know if this is the right place to post this, but I need some feed back on a recent experience I had that was out right disturbing and disgusting male behavior. Part of me wonders if I’m reacting so strongly because the man was so physically unattractive, which sounds shallow but I’m only trying to understand myself better and men better. either way I know this behavior disturbed me. A friend from high school (graduated 10 years ago) connected with me on Facebook. We started talking & he was clearly interested in meeting up with me. I was hesitant at first, but we were close friends back in the day. He then proceeded to buy a plane ticket from Washington state to Texas , to come visit me the very next day. I agreed I would see him but I wasn’t interested in sex or anything physical, just a friendly catch up. When he got here this is when things took a odd turn. I wanted to just meet for dinner, but he demanded I come to his hotel because of a long flight. When I told him no, he got really upset. This made me uncomfortable but I agreed ( I had a knife on me , & I’m still not sure why I agreed to go, maybe guilt because he flew all the way here even though I didn’t ask him to....) When I get to the hotel room he is trying to get me to take my shoes off & get on the bed, which I refuse. He asks me to rub his back which I refused Finally we just had some normal , and actually very intellectual conversations. He seemed surprised that I could keep up on big topics and actually seemed to know a lot more than him about certain things (misogynist? Probably), we had some pretty meaningful conversation before he tried to kiss me. I told him I wasn’t Interested. I told him I wasn’t physically attracted to him & apologized that he flew all the way here.. he kept trying. And trying. Eventually I said I had to leave & it was good to catch up. Then when he walked me to my car the disturbing comments started ‘maybe I should have just hit you’ ‘why would you even come to my hotel room if you didn’t want to fuck me ‘ ( I didn’t want to go there in the first place, just wanted to meet for dinner) ‘why don’t you just try it & see how it feels’ ‘I’m sure you fuck plenty of other men , why not just fuck me ?’ All of those statements are word for word Then I leave & it continues. Text after text bombarding me saying ‘he would do anything even pay me’ When I didn’t respond he sent pictures with another woman saying ‘I’ll just fuck her tonight then’ (I think it was a sex worker) & I said go ahead. He told me he had sex with her & then continued with the behavior of begging & trying to coerce me. At this point I’m blocking his number. I made a comment about him objectifying me & acting extremely misogynistic & he said something about how the patriarchy is just a cop out excuse women blame things on because they’re too weak to make it in the real world. I’m repulsed by this. I’m disgusted. Not only was I just not attracted to him, but the way he spoke to me made me feel objectified & dehumanized. Is this behavior normal ? . Even past men who didn’t want to take no for an answer in the have never spoken to me in these ways. I can’t stop thinking about how little regard and respect he had for women & how many other women he’s done this to. At this point his number is blocked & he has flown back to Washington but I feel almost assaulted even though he didn’t force anything on me, just the verbal threats & comments are enough to make my skin crawl.... Should I be this uncomfortable with this interaction or should I just easily let it go ? Edit: he recently contacted me from an unknown number asking me if I would cut him, offering me money to physically harm him. Of course I immediately blocked and didn’t say anything. next message I get I’m considering calling the cops...",,254,SubstantialSubject2,2020-10-26 06:42:37 TheBluePill,jg03t8,Is this user right that men made rape illegal not because they think raping women is bad but because they don't want competition between each other? I freaked out reading this,,https://i.redd.it/0qp5n48ojnu51.png,219,Adventurous-Culture9,2020-10-22 13:57:31 TheBluePill,jg54sb,Smooth brain MGTOW got a permanent reddit ban and he thought would make a brag post about getting around it... Resulted in another perm ban! Lol,,https://i.redd.it/t63oul9utou51.jpg,71,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-10-22 18:16:07 TheBluePill,jfs193,"Doing what I used to want to do, the right way.","Howdy folks, I just had a realization. After getting into the red pill as an inexperienced idiot kid (like 16-18 years old), figuring out that’s not how people work and reducing/tempering it to just be working on yourself and doing your best, I took a look at my life and noticed some similarities to the dreams I once had (I’m 21 now). I once thought I’d be fucking multiple people, and that my body count would be really high. Check, I’ve realized I’m bisexual and polyamorous, and all the people I’m seeing know about all the other people. I do this with complete transparency, and communication and trust are the cornerstones of all my relationships. My body count is in the double digits, but I don’t care about it because I realize there are about 3 million better yardsticks for how you’re doing as a human. I once thought I’d be kinky as hell, really into bdsm (as a dom). I am kinky as hell, and I’m 80% submissive. I once thought I’d lead by efficiency, tenacity, and sheer will. Now I lead by example, with kindness and an attitude of joy and gratitude. I take no shit, but I help my people whenever I can. I live thoroughly and love freely. I thought I’d read a lot, and I do, just not what past me would have thought I’d read. I thought I’d be financially stable, and I am. That is because I got away from my abusive narcissist father and reconnected with my mother. Good god I love that woman. I thought I’d enjoy my life, and while it has its ups and downs, I do. Even in the middle of a pandemic that has quite literally turned my existence upside down, I still smile. I still look up at the sky after a run and feel existence all around me and laugh. I still love, and hurt, and heal. I work, I live, I will die a very happy old man with few regrets. And I like that a whole lot :) This realization/reflection came after the most redpill-esque thing that has ever happened to me. I posted a cute pic on my Snapchat, and a girl responded and shot her shot. I jokingly accepted, let her know about my other partners, and we got to talking from there. After we both established that we were interested in each other she initiated sexual conversation and I made a new casual partner, who shares many of my same kinks. I know that when I’m able to see her we will probably have sex even though it’s the first date. Now, this is a girl I met in a college class, added on social media, and just talked to as a human being for about a year, and only tonight did sex come up. I didn’t rush anything, and didn’t really think of her as a potential partner, but I always returned her snaps and had good conversation with her. And with this girl and everyone else, I use my compliment philosophy: if you have questions/comments/concerns, let them be known (tactfully), but if you have something nice to say make damn sure you say it. I think that, being a wholesome guy, doing cool and interesting things, and doing well in school, got her interested and kept her interested. It makes sense, really. This feels a little rambley but it’s late and I’m tired. If it gets some interest I’ll do some editing for clarity and some more thinking. Thank you so much for reading! P.S. Another interesting point is, this sub had almost nothing to do with me leaving the red pill. It was like I grew out of it and just found other more rewarding things to do, and as I broadened my perspective in college I realized how dumb it was.",,42,AllThotsAllowed,2020-10-22 03:26:18 TheBluePill,jfkgdj,"He is Going His Own Way right after this last 'whimin' correction guys... Promise, he is going, any minute now... Oh wait... There are 7, 7 last whines then definitely going",,https://i.redd.it/oamqdoju7iu51.jpg,24,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-10-21 20:02:20 TheBluePill,jfg3in,Why Do Red Pill Men Support a Violent Ex-Con? Black Manosphere | SYSBM,"&#x200B; https://preview.redd.it/5r41s6sh4hu51.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=b53c21c07389f5c4a2a4c1cc7695b142c221b7b8 [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cFLFpWYEgeM](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cFLFpWYEgeM) Some men in the Black Manosphere and SYSBM disdain Black women (and their mothers) so much they set aside their principles and supported a violent ex-con because he “went in” on Black women (I’m unsure whether he’s on parole or got an extended jail sentence until 2022). To make matters worse, despite Hardcore Tito’s past and active criminal activities, many still supported him while incarcerated and hoped he return to YouTube once released. Even though none of them have ever met him, some sent him money and wrote letters to him while he was incarcerated. It's also quite sad how many of these red pill guys have criminal records.",,10,redpillnonsense,2020-10-21 16:23:23 TheBluePill,jf4vcd,Please Explain This Logic to me,"&#x200B; https://preview.redd.it/4onpgcda5du51.png?width=473&format=png&auto=webp&s=13a65b7ae0045ab4dbcadc5078357f996d8f8be7",,70,redpillnonsense,2020-10-21 02:59:01 TheBluePill,je18jq,Men Believe Sex Dolls/Robots Will Replace Women: MGTOW | Red Pill | Manosphere,"&#x200B; https://preview.redd.it/bppoul5av1u51.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=0e3a1ea95c6bfb389dc2369ca04e45273a22deb7 [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D4sCo83QvuI](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D4sCo83QvuI) I am not shaming men for having sex dolls or pleasing themselves with sex toys. Instead, I am ridiculing the asinine, red pill talking point that sex dolls/robots will replace women and is a better cost-benefit analysis than dating/marriage.",,26,redpillnonsense,2020-10-19 13:03:37 TheBluePill,jd07vn,🤮🤮🤮There are three pictures of you scroll through.,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/jd0608,121,Jenn_There_Done_That,2020-10-17 18:19:00 TheBluePill,jblhkv,"Standards for thee, but not for meee",,https://i.redd.it/wkrh9b13f2t51.jpg,449,FoeHamma,2020-10-15 11:06:32 TheBluePill,jaskox,An almost 30 year old man body shaming an 18 year old,,https://i.redd.it/93uiienvqxs51.jpg,454,FoeHamma,2020-10-14 03:01:54 TheBluePill,jb3kiz,Red Pill Guy Endorses Extreme Plan to Fix his Community | Black Manosphere,"&#x200B; https://preview.redd.it/c71pcv9a33t51.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=7404c8812521ab45ebb43286d887a58e8e4be1dd [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cfkhc79a-xo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cfkhc79a-xo) The Black Manosphere is notorious for attempting to disregard any comparison with the White sector of the Red Pill. But as this video demonstrates, the arguments are nearly isomorphic.",,11,redpillnonsense,2020-10-14 16:06:25 TheBluePill,j9jdky,Imagine telling on yourself like this.,,https://i.redd.it/himep6m7ijs51.jpg,316,FoeHamma,2020-10-12 03:23:36 TheBluePill,j9f4qa,You can't quit a game if you were never playing to begin with...,,https://i.redd.it/z4147jw0eis51.jpg,137,FoeHamma,2020-10-11 22:40:08 TheBluePill,j8hjza,"""Break down her self esteem"" so he can rape women.",,https://i.redd.it/7ebdmoqxj8s51.jpg,233,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-10-10 09:24:28 TheBluePill,j836rr,"So, uh, when are they gonna go their own way?",,https://i.redd.it/nogo3eujl1s51.jpg,333,PablomentFanquedelic,2020-10-09 17:21:34 TheBluePill,j7g6yn,"On the whole, Purple pillers doesn’t exist, they are just low level closeted RP.",,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/j7g6yn,177,Ra0ulDukeDarko,2020-10-08 16:26:06 TheBluePill,j7ljmr,"Female attractiveness distribution in the real world vs. female attractiveness distribution in PPD,TRP and MGTOW communities",,https://i.redd.it/o8aqqqwnrxr51.jpg,41,tiposk,2020-10-08 21:07:39 TheBluePill,j7coxt,The Home of Alleged Six-Figure Earners: Manosphere | Red Pill | MGTOW,"&#x200B; https://preview.redd.it/xhibcpv6dvr51.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=e9cd7bdf298eb1c9e978a1865f3e1ddadfd77ac4 [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4AzLOtfSYaE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4AzLOtfSYaE) Social media is a haven for creating an alter ego. I have never encountered a space where so many men claim to have high-level jobs in tech, run multiple businesses, and make six figures. These guys never cite geographic variation and the obvious fact that jobs pay more on average in locations such as Washington, D.C. the San Francisco Bay area, etc. Of course, some men have been exposed for lying, and others who have not insist they’re being truthy despite hiding behind aliases and avatars. These are some examples I have come across since encountering the group: A truck driver who claims to be a multimillionaire A truck driver who claims he runs multiple six-figure businesses A construction worker who claims he makes $250,000 every year from his job A former Best Buy employee who claim he received free stuff from his job frequently (at first, he refused to admit that he uses to work there)",,16,redpillnonsense,2020-10-08 13:06:45 TheBluePill,j71gjf,"Cross-post from FDS about Mariah Carey getting a cool 70 mil payout from a guy she never slept with. They talked about the reasons why that was so and the controversy with Eminem. Meanwhile, MGTOW post it and guess what they talk about?",,https://www.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/j6u6sl/be_woman_get_paid/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share,12,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-10-07 23:00:49 TheBluePill,j5ya48,What the fuck Stefan,,https://i.redd.it/6msky6kcrar51.jpg,455,FoeHamma,2020-10-06 03:52:13 TheBluePill,j69jjm,More pontificating about how the misandry bubble's gonna pop any day now,,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/j67amp/enjoy_the_decline/,30,PablomentFanquedelic,2020-10-06 17:37:09 TheBluePill,j630ee,Dominate men with FEMININE WILES.,,https://i.redd.it/jl5jyohchgr51.jpg,53,[deleted],2020-10-06 10:59:25 TheBluePill,j5yd3s,"""No matter how much she wants you to 'open up', she WILL use your sensitivities against you.""",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/j4kii5/no_matter_how_much_she_wants_you_to_open_up_she/,10,PablomentFanquedelic,2020-10-06 03:58:35 TheBluePill,j5rp9n,"Reading a short post and thinking ""ok this is good they are getting it"" then you read ""if I have women in my life who I don't fuck, but are very important to me, what would that instill in women I do want to fuck? That's right: the dread game to end all dread game."" Almost had me going for a moment",,https://i.redd.it/tzbhcp1sacr51.jpg,17,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-10-05 20:55:39 TheBluePill,j55d31,"The Ultimate Goal of MRAs, MGTOW and TRP (reposted)","The strong career woman sounds like she would be the ideal mate for a MGTOW or RedPiller. She's independent, not needing the money or security provided by a man, she may even offer to pay for some dates. She's conservative minded, pays her own bills, manages her own finances, invests in her own future. She's strong willed and independent minded and wants a man that has similar attributes. But.... MGTOW/RedPill guys can't stand her.... why??? What the manosphere doesn't admit to is that they want women to be completely dependent on men. The independent career woman can't be controlled by a man. She has her own way. She will take a husband or boyfriend as a sidekick, confidant, sex partner and companion but she doesn't want to be completely dependent on him for everything. MGTOWs and Redpill guys are very insecure in their relationships. They feel that women are always looking for an out. They figure that she will seek a better man. If that insecure man's woman is completely dependent on him for everything, she will be much less likely to leave. The possibility of not being able to find a replacement provider soon enough is too great, so she stays and puts up with whatever the man dishes out. This also counters her ""natural hypergamous"" tendency to seek out a better man. This is also why the manosphere hates feminism. Feminism teaches women that they can be their own person and that they have rights. They don't have to settle for whatever is afforded to them by men, they can go out and make their own. Today's society now incentivises and encourages women to be independent and work for a living. It goes against the traditionalism that the manosphere believes in. MGTOW and Redpillers think that if they can get most men to stop dating and marrying women society will somehow revert to traditional values of the pre feminist era. &#x200B; I also posted this on /r/exRedpill if that's OK?",,232,NdN124,2020-10-04 19:55:11 TheBluePill,j523jl,SYSBM Claims Harriet Tubman & Female Scientists Are Myths,"&#x200B; https://preview.redd.it/kh2lt3ovw3r51.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=1d6ed533ad26ada53829465c86a55cb0bf32adc2 [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jU8Wd9nlehU](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jU8Wd9nlehU) Interestingly, many men who identified as SYSBM (Save Yourself Black Men) were formerly MGTOW. But instead of walking away from women in general, they walk away from Black women and seek out non-Black women (hence ""saving themselves""). Ironically, SYSBM claims to be the ""best and the brightest"" but spew not only hate speech, but idiotic talking points like claiming Harriet Tubman was a myth to appease Black women.",,9,redpillnonsense,2020-10-04 16:48:57 TheBluePill,j4hacd,Based and bluepilled,,https://i.redd.it/p5ws09qzbtq51.jpg,395,FoeHamma,2020-10-03 15:49:36 TheBluePill,j4yxz4,"Can't have kids because of your woman issues, let alone have you met one? Think women is destroying the world that you feel you're entitled to? Think the world revolve around women because nothing's fair? Vent your frustrations behind your keyboard with an overpriced computer.",[https://np.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/j4nz9z/get\_myself\_a\_new\_graphic\_card/](https://np.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/j4nz9z/get_myself_a_new_graphic_card/),,7,StrongSecurity,2020-10-04 13:29:29 TheBluePill,j3jp3k,"Ugh women, am i right?",,https://i.redd.it/18a5cwm7zcq51.jpg,349,FoeHamma,2020-10-01 23:24:21 TheBluePill,j2xq5c,What is up with this Matrix blue red pill stuff,"What is the bluepill, what is the redpill, from what I can tell on all the redpill subs people are just racists and think everyone is a Marxists, and hire people are a little more chill but everyone talks like an alphabet supe, and to be honest I got here looking for porn",,54,ItNothingSpecial,2020-09-30 23:58:46 TheBluePill,j283li,The Use of “Female”,"Hey y’all! I’m a guy and I am disgusted at the misogyny of TRP and MGTOW. What I’ve learned throughout this subreddit is that many of these misogynists always say “females” instead of girls or women. I totally understand and agree why this word choice is toxic, but it has me starting to judge and think less of guys who say “females”. Does it always mean that they have a slight leaning to misogyny? Is this a good instinct to have?",,155,AsianAmazon74,2020-09-29 21:00:03 TheBluePill,j1vy4c,"Settle in for the long read of the week! Its got everything from memoirs, scripts, creative writing, bad advice, quotes from his heros and reminiscing and this telling quote ""I was 16 years old and she was my first and last love."" tells on himself that he hasn't grown up yet. Bingo! Bingo! Bingo!",,https://i.redd.it/seo1pngw12q51.jpg,12,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-09-29 09:23:58 TheBluePill,j1fnb8,Red Pill Black Men Put White Women on a Pedestal | Manosphere | SYSBM,"&#x200B; https://preview.redd.it/yaniqnnl2xp51.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=3c9f5cd3f4c243b58760c2723fd58f04909daa1e [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=\_D7zVUiNgIo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_D7zVUiNgIo) I believe this forum is mostly White so I'll explain the Black sector of the Red Pill (I'm Black after all and have written about the Black sector). In the Black sector of the Red Pill, there is a tendency among content creators and followers to hold non-Black women, especially White women, in a higher regard than Black women. To the point that men often view them as better dating partners while claiming to know ""female nature."" Of course, some men actually have no experience dating outside of their race but fall victim to the Grass is Greener Syndrome. Often this stems from an inferiority complex as they associate whiteness as being superior to blackness. There are dudes who literally brag about having slept with the most White women in the sector. But there are divisions. Some men who were married to or have children by White women believe in AWALT (all women are like that). Others have had horrible experience with White women but believe they are still superior to Black women (hence SYSBM, which stands for Save Yourself Black Man/Men).",,62,redpillnonsense,2020-09-28 16:47:54 TheBluePill,j11lwy,"Red Pill, Manosphere, & MGTOW Are Obsessed with ""The Wall""","&#x200B; https://preview.redd.it/kros13el3sp51.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=fb5f9364a127342a17d5e85fcdfd8a9a6de3fb4e [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3\_KnzwQM18&t](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3_KnzwQM18&t) People are still coming onto my channel insisting that ""The Wall"" is real and doesn't affect men and women in the same way. And they have a bunch of pseudo-evolutionary biology to back it up.",,149,redpillnonsense,2020-09-27 23:56:47 TheBluePill,j19z55,Finding my stand,"Hello, I shall begin by saying I am new to all this Blue Pill and Red pill stuff. My question is are you here, Blue pill saying all the stuff being said at TRP is all crap and society is perfect the way it is? Stuff about the female nature, hypergamy?",,7,butasi,2020-09-28 11:04:53 TheBluePill,j0m2db,Why do I feel like the person making this tweet is basing on their own personal experience?,,https://i.redd.it/plui5ihgsmp51.jpg,335,[deleted],2020-09-27 06:09:38 TheBluePill,j0u8pf,"YouTubers Are Promoting Sex Tourism in Sosúa, Dominican Republic","&#x200B; https://preview.redd.it/y0di9sc8ypp51.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=c61527b5b474e5c25dd9c79e3475f967eb929cdf [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HsIF8k7cAEo&t](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HsIF8k7cAEo&t) So I made this video and these butthurt dudes came to my channel to troll and claim they're helping the economy by sleeping with women abroad.",,14,redpillnonsense,2020-09-27 16:42:30 TheBluePill,izyr7w,"Self justifying molester. aka as long as i want to grope you, your willingness meant nothing.",,https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/izn0zj/a_girls_boundary_is_based_on_you_not_her/,81,EGJW,2020-09-26 03:53:59 TheBluePill,izup4q,"History of deception... catching feelings for a plate (1 month ago) then just after ""I do not care about any of my plates"", help my plate is late for her period (8 days ago), I took her virginity now I'm ignoring her (6 hours ago). I can't keep track of the BS",,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/izup4q,39,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-09-25 23:34:55 TheBluePill,izh85q,"The article is not worth reading but the comments are ""men can love women unconditionally, women only love men when they want something, comfort kills attraction"" blah blah erroneous black and white thinking crap.",,https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/iz6j8i/accepting_that_love_is_different_for_women/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share,113,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-09-25 10:42:01 TheBluePill,iyfl6q,Research Study on Ex-TRP partners recruiting!,"Hi TBP, I am a doctoral research student at a large Midwestern American University. My research interests include online men’s spaces and subcultures. I am currently collecting data for a qualitative research study with individuals who had partners who, during the time of the relationship, employed strategies from The Red Pill. I am hoping to gain perspective on what the experience was like directly from the people who had a partner display these attitudes and behaviors. I am looking to conduct one-time phone interviews 30-45 minutes in length and audio recorded (only if that’s okay with you). If you believe you fit this description and would like to participate in this research, please PM me on this account and we can discuss how to arrange that. For the purposes of confidentiality and privacy, no personally identifiable information needs to be shared, and you may decline any portion of the interview which you are not comfortable with. Thank you for this opportunity, and I look forward to hearing from you.",,116,BluePillResearchProj,2020-09-23 18:13:11 TheBluePill,iycs3z,Red Pill Crybabies Claim Women are Emotional & Men Are Logical,"&#x200B; https://preview.redd.it/zyxkqlay5xo51.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=52b094874d84c45df801ff1f921cd092d2a27c82 [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j9BdvnjT1wI](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j9BdvnjT1wI) I just have to laugh at these dudes.",,33,redpillnonsense,2020-09-23 15:54:15 TheBluePill,ixm60n,"Cosy up for the long read... An insight into this guys relationship and mind but the shocking thing is that he did some 'therapy'. I have questions, so many questions!",,https://i.redd.it/rfcd4r8lxoo51.jpg,100,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-09-22 12:12:38 TheBluePill,iww5ub,"Terper writes a script for when your woman tells you she loves you... You never tell her you love her because thats giving into her ""power grab"".",,https://i.redd.it/7e2j747tjgo51.jpg,111,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-09-21 08:00:57 TheBluePill,iwm6ps,These guys at MGTOW are hilarious with their memes. They actually think women just exist and thats it!,,https://i.redd.it/swpw36aaado51.jpg,491,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-09-20 21:02:11 TheBluePill,iwuz2a,Former red piller leaving the darkness,"My theory is that most red pillers deep down have daddy issues. I did and that's what lead to me perceiving men in a bad light. He acted in ways that lost my respect so i implictly didnt trust men. I thought society hated men but really i was reflecting onto society my own psychology. I sought out media and women who also had implicit lack of trust in men and so i was surrounded by misandry of my own creation. Thus, when i found a place where they were all saying society hated men, i thought i was home. I thought i found a place where the truth was really being said. I never wanted to learn ""game"" or ""spin plates"" but i thought i had no choice but to treat women like i didnt need them. They told me that was the only way to find love. Or whatever version of love a red piller believes in. So i did and then of course i perpetuated the dysfucnction along. Now i created women who really did hate men because they got used by me. The red pill is basically dysfunction festering in dysfunction. Save yourself gentleman. Find a way to positively contribute to your society. Be a good man. Find a good girl. Love your fellow humans.",,62,NormalHumanAccount,2020-09-21 06:20:31 TheBluePill,iwav2c,Someone on r/whatsbotheringyou who seems to be headed down the slippery slope...,,https://i.redd.it/ji4ti59av9o51.jpg,118,AintMisMehefin,2020-09-20 09:33:13 TheBluePill,iw2gcz,"He is so ""intoxicating..."" Guy dreads and thinks he has women dickmatised rather than confused by his abuse.",,https://i.redd.it/jkpz3i1to6o51.jpg,27,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-09-19 22:51:03 TheBluePill,iurv12,"""The Problem With Anime Sexism NOBODY Wants To Admit"" this coming from same weeb from the last time",,https://archive.md/jeDss,125,[deleted],2020-09-17 20:37:15 TheBluePill,itt54n,RIP weeb Michael ⚰️,,https://i.redd.it/hrwnwx6u0fn51.jpg,413,FoeHamma,2020-09-16 10:50:49 TheBluePill,itvpj1,SYSBM/Red Pill: Interracial P0rn Proves Black Men's Global Desirability,"&#x200B; [https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=DRY\_92PbY7I](https://preview.redd.it/n517ne4cjin51.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=89c95e1a9fecd85ce6d25c833d17c23a09989d32) SYSBM (Save Yourself Black Men/Man) endorse the idea that Black men should ""save themselves"" and date interracially. But these same men don't want Black women doing the same thing.",,11,redpillnonsense,2020-09-16 13:40:06 TheBluePill,itb3t8,Red Pill Guy Claims Women Absorb the DNA & Personalities of their Sexual Partners,"&#x200B; [People are trying to defend this in the comment section. SMH ](https://preview.redd.it/1auiu4wwybn51.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=96bc487ed57159c46dd98b8027a28f03f0a29353) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=85sIHTWRVZo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=85sIHTWRVZo)",,20,redpillnonsense,2020-09-15 15:33:08 TheBluePill,it3r2t,"""When a woman say she was/is in an abusive relationship or marriage, Abusive is a Code word for women."" Says terper who goes on to write a listical and disclaimer. What a shit post!",,https://i.redd.it/2233vb7of9n51.jpg,70,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-09-15 07:01:12 TheBluePill,isa8g6,"""The Problem With Anime Feminists In The West (And The Hidden Agenda)""..... well they used a video from Comicsgator Yellow Flash.... so that should be telling....","https://archive.md/4mR1c >Anime Feminism seems to get stronger as the years go by. With MORE feminists getting louder when they see something they don’t like in anime. >A reflection of their own insecurities being projected. Because these feminists (who love to play victim) get away with “cancelling” TV shows, films and media in the west when it comes to the “portrayal” of women…. They assume the same attitude works with anime. But of course – as we’ve come to learn, Japan doesn’t give a sh*t. As they shouldn’t. >“Anime” is Japanese culture. >Nobody has any business telling them HOW they should do this that or the other, just because someone doesn’t agree with it. >Entertainment isn’t supposed to be made for everyone to agree with it. That’s why it’s an “art”. >It’s based on feelings and opinions, not facts and logic. >The Rising Of The Shield Hero is a good example of feminist behaviour. >Earlier in 2019 when this anime aired, the first episode gets DARK when Myne accuses the protagonist of “r*pe”. But of course – it’s just that, an accusation that holds no weight. >And what happens next is realistic as far as bias and double standards go. >For some strange reason, the portrayal of women who lie about men and ruin their reputations ruffled some feathers online. >Or I should say in the WEST. Since no one else is throwing a hissy fit. >Why is something like this so controversial? >There’s an easy way to answer that question: it sheds light on the TRUTH of what’s happening in western society. >In the west we have this dangerous notion where: >Men are guilty until proven innocent. >Women are innocent until proven guilty. >100’s and 100’s of women, probably 1000’s have gotten away with false accusations in the past decade and more. And many men have committed suicide because of it. Others are now depressed among other things I won’t get into. >Not only does the system treat women like 6 year old children who need protection, but society sheepishly acts like women aren’t capable of lying, being malicious, or falsely accusing someone because they’re bitter and insecure. >Add this to the fact that women “play victim”, knowing society is gonna bend over backwards and you have a formula for manipulation and disaster. >The video above is just one example. >https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=IY4QKzczbUI >The same thing plays out in The Rising Of The Shield Hero. >The female antagonist is bitter, jealous, and most of all insecure. And this drives her to accuse Naofumi Iwatani of something that never happened, because she has something to gain. >Doing this makes her feel “better” about her own existence and self-worth. >Goblin Slayer is another anime that triggered feminists, SJW’S and snowflakes of all shapes and sizes. >Back in fall 2018 this anime caused backlash because of the 1st episode. Where Goblins “violate” women they’ve kidnapped and enslaved in their hideout. >Is it a comfortable scene to watch? NO. But that’s the kind of anime it is. The Manga is worse. >It’s not a cosy series in the slightest, and that’s clear from the beginning. >If art conformed to people’s unrelated insecurities, it would no longer be art now would it? >Especially when you consider how most OPINIONS came from people who haven’t watched Goblin Slayer or don’t like anime at all. >It even got to the point where Crunchyroll BANNED Goblin Slayer from its yearly anime awards. >I guess they gave into the pressure of SJW’S and threw it in the rubbish pile to avoid “backlash”. >It’s understandable, but art should never be censored since that’s the point of creativity. >Now here’s the problem with anime feminism >In the anime: Shimoneta, episode 4, the male protagonist is violated by Anna Nishikinomiya. Tanukichi Okuma in the story “looks up” to Anna Nishikinomiya because of how hard-working and diligent she is. AND as a student council president. He has too much respect for Anna to be interested in her sexually or anything of the sort. >But in THIS scene he’s forced against his will and r*ped in the name of comedy and entertainment. >Where were these anime feminists and SJW’s in 2015? >Shimoneta is fairly popular, so it’s ludicrous how quiet people were about this. >Anna Nishikinomiya is a jealous, insecure and possessive character in Shimoneta. Or in other words: a “Yandere”. That’s what drives her to go to these extreme lengths in Shimoneta. >But I have to ask: <Why is it OK for women to violate Men (which IS a thing), but it’s demonized when the shoe is on the other foot? And why is this acceptable in the media when Men are on the receiving end, but not the other way around? Shimoneta isn’t the only anime that LOUD feminists overlook. >The same happens with “fan service” & other anime double standards >I’m sick and tired of seeing these “spokespeople” complaining about fan service in the west. And how women are portrayed to be “lesser” or how it’s so sexist. There’s a reason I’m tired of seeing this hypocrisy play out year after year. >Gintama is known to be a CRAZY anime when it comes to comedy, fan service, and double standards between both genders. >It’s the type of anime that doesn’t discriminate and there’s something for both genders. It’s all a good laugh. >The same is true for Food Wars. An anime that takes “food tasting” to a whole other level of fan service. Both male and female characters are used to exaggerate and highlight how good the food is. >And yet no feminists say a word about “male” exploitation It’s not exploitation anyway, but I use that word because that’s how it’s viewed when women and “fan service” are in the same sentence. >It takes 2 to tango as we say in the UK. Exploitation works both ways, so let’s dial down the hypocrisy and enjoy the art for what is. >Anime feminists don’t give a sh*t about equality until it’s convenient >Feminists in the anime community take advantage of “double standards” and use it as a weapon. Beating anyone over the head with it who dares to go against conventional opinion. Because they’re so desperate for control. >This is the only reason feminists in the anime community (and the west) exist. To take a stand when women are portrayed in ways they don’t like, only to stay quiet when >Men are portrayed in the same fashion. If it doesn’t pander to their unrelated insecurities, they go ballistic. >What Japanese people think of “feminism” >https://youtube.com/watch?v=fcqxH6hdOUw >In this video they run a social experiment in Japan to find out what people think about feminism. >You discover a few interesting things from watching this video: >The average Japanese person has NO IDEA what feminism is. >They believe feminism (and the west) discriminates because of the feminist movement. >They don’t believe women are being held back for the most part. >Here’s a QUOTE from the conversation: “Foreign people discriminate against different genders too. Like when a guy carries heavy things for women. It’s just my impression but when he opens a door… because the “ladies first” exists they put women first, so foreigners discriminate the most.” >What’s interesting about this quote is they’re right. Putting one person on a pedestal, and demonnizing people for not conforming to those beliefs is discrimination. This is relevant because it’s EXACTLY what’s happening in the anime industry. >Or I should say: what’s happening in the west when it comes to the opinions of anime feminists. It’s a typical thing to do and way to behave in the west. Throw your dummy out your cot and companies start panicking as if it’s a real problem to begin with. They’re all spineless and don’t have a back bone. >There’s no inequality or problem with anime according to JAPAN >And rightly so. >Anime is created by the Japanese. So it’s obnoxious to attempt to change someone else’s beliefs based on your own insecurities and how you think “anime” should be. >Any logical woman (like the video above) can see this. The west is filled with people who are soft, insecure, and defensive when it comes to their personal feelings. It’s because western culture tends to keep things bottled up and dances to the tune of political correctness. It’s understandable, but you don’t improve your self-esteem by pointing fingers when you feel like it’s convenient to do so. >That’s why so many of these anime feminists mistakenly think everything they don’t agree with is wrong, while simultaneously having no problem when the gender roles are flipped. >It’s about time we hang this topic up to dry The Problem With Anime Feminists In The West (And The Hidden Agenda) >Criticism on this topic is more about a hidden agenda and playing on the fence of “double standards” than it is about true justice. >Instead of focusing on dumb sh*t like this, let’s focus on ACTUAL problems in the anime industry. Or the world in general. Because this clearly isn’t one of em. >Real equality isn’t even about gender in the first place. But I guess me saying that isn’t gonna change the self-righteous, hypocritical attitudes of people who know they can get away with it. And push a false narrative for personal gain.",,98,[deleted],2020-09-14 00:26:19 TheBluePill,iq4a52,"'Walter White wannabe' terper admits preying on women who are ""crazy"" because they ""have no self worth due to childhood trauma and have daddy issues"" and enjoys fucking her ""pussy, ass and mouth in that order"".",,https://i.redd.it/ozme87maybm51.jpg,201,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-09-10 14:25:15 TheBluePill,iq3nlp,"Red Pill, Manosphere, & MGTOW Are Obsessed with ""The Carousel""","[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bGm8LNrP76M](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bGm8LNrP76M) &#x200B; [What do you think is behind the narrative of the \\""cock carousel?\\""](https://preview.redd.it/0kyskn33sbm51.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=6e048e1bc726460bb7b7a7eb036a459b50f634e9)",,22,redpillnonsense,2020-09-10 13:50:26 TheBluePill,ipqdwl,"Incels and us ""normies"":",,https://v.redd.it/b4n76zin37m51,99,[deleted],2020-09-09 22:09:48 TheBluePill,ipkoxi,Middle-Aged Men Who Want Young Women: Manosphere | Red Pill | MGTOW,"&#x200B; [I'm shocked by people in the comment section trying to defend middle-aged men being with women in their late teens and early 20s](https://preview.redd.it/4tesszyws5m51.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=28fa5d7827f520418b47fe32f277947f931636dd) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6NhmQWd4qk](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6NhmQWd4qk)",,16,redpillnonsense,2020-09-09 17:42:43 TheBluePill,iore2p,We all know losers like this,,https://i.redd.it/ihxwmgmnwtl51.jpg,125,FoeHamma,2020-09-08 10:48:16 TheBluePill,ioh3qa,More nice guy propaganda,,https://i.redd.it/p2rmwjw29ql51.jpg,261,FoeHamma,2020-09-07 21:57:48 TheBluePill,imx2l6,"I laughed so hard at this gem. A ""handsome"" woman takes charge of a ""cute"" terper and he is so disturbed he is not in control he is convinced she is a psychopath!",,https://i.redd.it/2fayy2918al51.jpg,205,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-09-05 07:31:57 TheBluePill,im80m3,look whos talking,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/ilse06,137,FoeHamma,2020-09-04 02:56:08 TheBluePill,ilglb0,"He thinks this is a ""funny story of the day"" to prove AWALT... ""On Sunday, he was sent a gif/video over text that was undeniably me with a group of men. I'm clearly not in my senses, and I have no recollection of this happening ... I also wasn't even 18 at the time."" Because all women are sluts",,https://i.redd.it/ni49mct04tk51.jpg,162,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-09-02 21:59:11 TheBluePill,ikgtl8,"The men over at askredpill are doing some fantastic Olympian style mental gymnastics in the comments section to the question posed ""why do women say they don't like muscles but are brutally honest about height?... I thought ALL women like men with muscles...""",,/r/asktrp/comments/ikb3p0/why_do_women_lie_about_not_liking_muscles_but/,169,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-09-01 08:55:20 TheBluePill,ihtjcl,"""This is why I practice stoicism. Just let her cry no big deal"" says terper who is just waiting for sex from his plate who is grieving. There was a lesson for him to learn and he missed it big time because he was looking for AWALT.",,https://i.redd.it/w3ejpk6k0mj51.jpg,86,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-08-27 21:03:41 TheBluePill,iey4cp,First rule of r/MGTOW2. 'Keep the misogyny to a minimum'.,,https://i.redd.it/qugnbssjzoi51.png,473,[deleted],2020-08-23 05:58:30 TheBluePill,iegzfb,What a nice guy,,https://i.redd.it/fyg9v9zdjji51.png,258,[deleted],2020-08-22 11:39:31 TheBluePill,ie6ibh,"Red pill man entertains himself by taking delight in a woman's misery and thinks she got ""really horny"" when her boyfriend treated her unkindly. He thinks this is a ""feel good story of the day"".",,https://i.redd.it/phwdjqw6jfi51.jpg,196,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-08-21 22:11:32 TheBluePill,ie5yhr,Terper confused and salty that fictional stories don't portray hypergamy as how he thinks in his head and goes on to say that women will behave better under the threat of murder. *Sigh*,,https://i.redd.it/p1fy6eqtdfi51.jpg,68,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-08-21 21:40:49 TheBluePill,icmftl,Redpilled girl swallows the blackpill about what the tradlife entails,,https://www.removeddit.com/r/WhereAllTheGoodMenAre/comments/i6n60k/19_year_old_female_once_wanting_to_be_a_wife_and,151,[deleted],2020-08-19 12:11:22 TheBluePill,icy6nh,Debate: The Blue Pill ignores the reality of evolutionary psychology,,,12,madfrombrad,2020-08-19 22:39:36 TheBluePill,ic4g2g,"""ALL women are sluts... And like sex"" said mansplainer, who presumably just discovered that women can have multiple orgasms, which is also highly enjoyable. I can guess from this post he didn't have any direct involvement in producing any but was more a passive voyeur cuck who had to learn how.",,https://i.redd.it/vw9had8rgsh51.jpg,240,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-08-18 16:36:29 TheBluePill,ic4jxj,"When your LTR is so close to realising who you are so you panic post on reddit signaling to the bros to ""stop sharing this stuff"" so the women don't find out you're a total douche bag that actually uses this stuff on her.",,https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/ic4dpj/dont_talk_about_fight_club/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share,24,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-08-18 16:41:57 TheBluePill,ibpl1t,"TRP men trying their hand at illiterate 'comedy' again and have just ended up embrassing themselves. I seriously hope they have day jobs cleaning toilets because I've had funnier period shits, they might pick up some useful material.",,https://i.redd.it/39trjn0sdnh51.jpg,160,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-08-17 23:30:46 TheBluePill,i8wxxb,"When they don't like women, they don't like any women - including the ""TradThot"" Tomi Lahren",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/i6xv80/tomi_lahren_tradthot_at_the_gates_of_epiphany/,169,stonoceno,2020-08-13 09:41:03 TheBluePill,i8y7ft,"Pinned post ""No mean no means... what?"" To red pill men it means yes. Link to article in the comments.",,https://i.redd.it/ny406teb9rg51.jpg,45,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-08-13 11:28:50 TheBluePill,i8wz2f,"Whisper tells us what ""no"" really means (it doesn't mean ""no""!)",,https://www.trp.red/p/whisper/1274,14,stonoceno,2020-08-13 09:43:49 TheBluePill,i88g59,"You’re average MGTOW user 😂😂😂😂 this charming man made a video screaming at his wife for not “sucking and fucking” him, in front of his young daughter.",,https://i.redd.it/54rb7smoiig51.jpg,242,Bruciesballs666,2020-08-12 06:05:00 TheBluePill,i7sgxv,Gotta love “chadocracy” 😒,,https://i.redd.it/rqtxkk61sdg51.jpg,396,[deleted],2020-08-11 14:08:28 TheBluePill,i874no,Blatant misogyny and victim blaming on r/MGTOW,,https://www.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/i811sa/when_a_thot_regrets_her_choices_8/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf,24,human-no560,2020-08-12 04:20:55 TheBluePill,i7r9dp,"Words of a TRPer who spent his weekened being bitter and emotional about women rejecting him, ""you got cucked following all the bullshit advice we’ve been fed by a world eating the yeast-infected pussy of a fat short-haired feminist moaning cries of equality and the glass ceiling.""",,https://i.redd.it/1rwkga4jedg51.jpg,26,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-08-11 12:53:05 TheBluePill,i7qywl,This dude needs Savlon and the naughty step for a long time out and to think about what he is doing.,,https://i.redd.it/sgk7jhr0bdg51.jpg,20,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-08-11 12:33:13 TheBluePill,i7ao09,"The level of manipulation, deception, vindictiveness and lies told in this story is astounding. He lied about his wealth to get out of paying child support, so as to get one over on his ex wife for having the audacity to divorce him.",,https://i.redd.it/l8e36406z7g51.jpg,16,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-08-10 18:38:01 TheBluePill,i7drk7,"Fucqboi Book Club is back with another book! This time it's ""Average American Male"" by Chad Kultgen.",,https://soundcloud.com/fucqboi-bookclub/average-american-male,9,FucqBoi_BookClub,2020-08-10 21:12:34 TheBluePill,i6yo8l,An anti-feminist with a minor in women's studies! Let's see what she's has!,"http://archive.md/5mCcd >*princess-of-misandry* >i can’t stand anti feminist women >seriously >they’re so grossly uneducated about feminism >i don’t know if they’ve been raised by their misogynistic fathers >or if they just choose not to stand with feminism and with their own sisters, mothers, aunts because they want to appeal to men or just be not like the other girls >but it’s so ridiculous and upsetting >i just want to know who hurt you tbh Just to note that Princess here is a TERF and was kinda being an ass.... But this.... >*ravenamore* >I have a minor in Women’s Studies. It was getting that minor that led me to leaving the feminist movement. >Can’t really be sure which part made me leave but I had a lot to choose from: >-massive victimization complex and culture >-condescending bullshit (much like OPs)and elitism, usually coming from someone from Western, middle-to-upper class privileged backgrounds >-pretending that inconvenient parts of their history didn’t exist (rampant racism, homophobia, eugenics, ableism, transphobia). >-promotion of history by “scholars” who wanted to provide either scary horror sound-bites (”The Burning Times” “rule of thumb”) or feel-good fake history (the idea of a giant overarching ancient feminist matriarchy where everything was perfect until PATRIARCHY). >-pushinging of the “right” literature and the “right” authors >-rampant anti-Christianity, especially against the Catholic Church. All others got a free pass. >-idealization of lesbianism as the epitome of feminism, while simultaneously ignoring actual lesbian issues >-aggressively promoting limitless free sex, even if it meant supporting birth control methods known to be harmful, pretending STDs are minor issues, making up statistics and using figureheads to promote abortion, which is always perfect >- condenscending feminist pseudo-colonialist behavior towards non-Western countries. They are either overly idealized and ignore anything bad coming from them, or passive-aggressively lecture them on “women’s health”, making sure village health centers have plenty of MVAs for abortions and Depo-Provera kits but no mosquito nets to prevent malaria >- Want to have kids? If the anti-child rhetoric doesn’t sway you, Here’s some heavy-handed anti-medical propaganda and promotion of birthing like you’re in the third world, regardless of you or the baby’s ultimate health. >Well, I will take some of that back, there were two classes I took for the minor that were worthwhile. >Women and Minorities in the Media, which focused on actual real-time strategies that people could do to move things forward, encouraging action instead of passive complaining and protesting. Like challenging feminist rhetoric >Medieval Women’s History, where I learned that, for a supposed backwards oh-so-evil Catholic Church that hated all those strong women, they sure produced and revered a lot of strong women that did fantastic things. That class was also a major factor in me leaving Wicca and becoming a Catholic, but that’s another story. >Why do so many feminists, who agree Freud was a sexist psycho, always default to “sorry your daddy oppressed you.” >Fucking really? >My dad, whose mom was a WAC in WWII and came from a family of tough Italian women, taught me how to fish and camp, helped me with my Girl Scout projects, and volunteered for awhile at a domestic abuse shelter helping battered women. >What’s your dad done? Shit, honey, what have YOU done? >it’s people like you why I left the feminist movement. Look in the mirror - there’s the problem. Lies, misdirection, gaslighting, victim-blaming, willful ignorance and absolute refusal to even CONSIDER AND LISTEN to constructive criticism. >*siryouarebeingmocked* >I’ve seens lots of people say things like that. It sure seems what usually turns feminists off from feminism is learning more about feminism. >*arduousangel* >that’s exactly why I’m not a feminist anymore! >*dangerbooze* >“because they want to appeal to men or just not be like other girls” >That attitude is the exact reason I quit being a feminist. Because bitches like OP hate on women more than anyone else–we’re not women to them unless we’re the “right kind”. >*gangster-computer-kebab* >No misogyny like Feminist Misogyny!",,7,[deleted],2020-08-10 05:03:27 TheBluePill,i67oop,MAGA men are weak,,https://johnpavlovitz.com/2020/08/08/maga-men-are-weak/,179,swans33,2020-08-08 21:57:18 TheBluePill,i5n0c8,"""If she throws you a shit test call her a cunt"" Said senior angry conrributor that thinks too much sex results in ""a loose vagina"" and men should ""check for tightness"". He is teaching abuse to other men by insisting the house is covered by nanny cams. He ""studies women"" so knows all women...",,https://i.redd.it/yszatkhljnf51.jpg,140,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-08-07 21:55:31 TheBluePill,i5cso2,This one's going into my cringe compilation,,https://imgur.com/kGrwpaX.jpg,313,MayonaiseRemover,2020-08-07 12:21:22 TheBluePill,i529l8,"Yeah, it's ok if i invade other people's privacy. Wait you checked my (public) profile? Creep.",,https://i.redd.it/3jtfqd89ldf51.jpg,318,FoeHamma,2020-08-06 22:57:26 TheBluePill,i432vb,They always have an excuse,,https://i.redd.it/fq5mmo3uz0f51.jpg,510,FoeHamma,2020-08-05 10:46:45 TheBluePill,i4d1gc,I love how they state their ignorant theories as facts,,https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/i44sor/they_have_neither_interest_nor_input/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share,7,SabineLavine,2020-08-05 20:22:07 TheBluePill,i3po4q,Fucqboi Book Club is back and we brought The Gays™,,https://soundcloud.com/fucqboi-bookclub/reddit-abyss-6,24,FucqBoi_BookClub,2020-08-04 19:14:11 TheBluePill,i381qf,The title...,,https://i.redd.it/ibpjo2szeve51.jpg,200,[deleted],2020-08-03 23:21:21 TheBluePill,i2f0hx,This was linked in r/standardcel. I ain't joking.,,https://i.redd.it/wn5fvtk8xle51.jpg,292,[deleted],2020-08-02 16:36:54 TheBluePill,i2lb3l,"Where to begin... From the top, no, 13 year olds are not hypergamous.",,https://i.redd.it/5mjj9kll2oe51.jpg,40,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-08-02 22:37:18 TheBluePill,i1cq27,"""Bitches love drama... By channeling emotion, you can manipulate and control the situation... bring the excitement and feelz, fuck with her head a little, and you'll be amazed how many girls will be obsessed with you."" Says illiterate red pill endorsed contributor.",,https://i.redd.it/qbvns5exj8e51.jpg,190,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-07-31 18:26:23 TheBluePill,i1cobn,"So about the ""19 white people, 9 black people "" statistic","This is a follow up to [another post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TheBluePill/comments/hio71h/police_statistics_question/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) I made. If you all have ever interacted with the bl*e lives matter crowd, chances are that at some point they'll say something like ""in 2019, 9 black people and 19 white people were killed by police."" I got in contact with one of these people and found out that the statistic is from [an article](https://www.wsj.com/articles/the-myth-of-systemic-police-racism-11591119883) written by Heather Mac Donald. There are two things very wrong with this statistic: 1. People often quote this as ""9 black people and 19 white people"" were the only people killed by police in 2019. This is untrue, over 1,000 were murdered by police, and Mac Donald's article literally says that. The 9/19 thing refers to *unarmed* people killed by police. 2. Mac Donald's source for this is the Washington Post Police Shooting Database. The issue is: that database only gives information on **shootings committed by on-duty-cops.** So Eric Garner, who was strangled and unarmed, and Elijah McClain, who was strangled and drugged, and also unarmed, will not show up in the statistics. Botham Shem Jean who was killed by an off duty officer (with a gun) will not count in the statistics. Mac Donald's article was released in 2020, so there is no reason to use such an exclusive source, because more comprehensive databases exist. Yet she chose to get her numbers from THAT database. (Also Mac Donald refers to it as ""a washington post database,"" probably because she doesn't want her audience to know what it actually measures). Also if you go to the washington post database website it LITERALLY SAYS on the FIRST PAGE that black people are killed much more often. So, hm, their research is good enough to vaguely cite but not good enough to validate the researcher's conclusions. Heather Mac Donald, for those of you that don't know, is a conservative criminologist, and also a liar. Lmao.",,46,blackberryabundant,2020-07-31 18:23:49 TheBluePill,i0lh9q,I had to screen shot this gem before it was removed... Red pill man thinks feminism and democracy are the same thing... Lol,,https://i.redd.it/uckgxla3rzd51.jpg,335,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-07-30 12:50:33 TheBluePill,i0vdvc,Just found this sub. As a guy who tries to simply just understand things as they are without taking sides and turning things into a right vs wrong. I can relate to a lot of red pill philosophy. I am curious to understand more blue pill perspective too.,"I didn’t know there were people identifying as blue pilled. I first heard of it in the red pill sub. ‘Blue pilled guys’ etc. And is said as more of a criticism. So it’s interesting to see now there is an actual sub of maybe people identifying as ‘blue pilled’ or? Curious for some perspective on your views, what views you disagree with about ‘Red Pill’ philosophy and which views you agree on in the Red Pill philosophy, if any. And what the main views of Blue Pill are",,18,[deleted],2020-07-30 22:10:58 TheBluePill,i0lte6,"TRPM shit tests women and gets dumped more than fucked. ""Your vagina is a bit too wide for me....""",,https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/i0laty/i_shittested_girls_for_the_past_month_learnt_that/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share,34,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-07-30 13:13:23 TheBluePill,hzgycx,A white supremacist and his thoughts on women.,,https://imgur.com/r4qcnAB,209,thepanichand,2020-07-28 15:44:02 TheBluePill,hz8qlb,“That’s all there is to it.” He was so confident about this one,,https://i.redd.it/06tzu7199jd51.jpg,335,[deleted],2020-07-28 05:21:29 TheBluePill,hyqd0g,Careful with your tampons ladies!!!!!,,https://i.redd.it/5m1ddd4apdd51.jpg,366,Jenn_There_Done_That,2020-07-27 11:13:54 TheBluePill,hyrwg3,"""never treat them as equals. For example, you see a great dog or a cute cat, you would even talk to them, but would you allow those animals to vote and decide a future of your country ? Or ask them for an advice ? That is just fucking stupid!"" Pretty sure bigots have lower IQ fellas",,https://i.redd.it/zwrua236fed51.jpg,35,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-07-27 13:05:59 TheBluePill,hynaan,"Red pills from a ""working girl"": everything TRP says is true! More very real stories in the comments.",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/hwjv9y/red_pills_from_a_working_girl/,91,stonoceno,2020-07-27 06:52:34 TheBluePill,hyncwk,"Women and COVID: They don't care, and apparently some young, married woman told a ""funny"" story where her husband accidentally killed her rabbit...?",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/hybma7/women_and_covid/,39,stonoceno,2020-07-27 06:58:41 TheBluePill,hxl47h,"I had no idea that PUA had a leaders board or ranking system but here we have number 25 iN ThE wOrLd!! He is an expert guys, 1,000 women per month approached, dated 350+ beautiful women and has 3 decades of being in the field. So, let's do the math as to how many women have rejected him...",,https://i.redd.it/e94btp47mzc51.jpg,176,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-07-25 11:18:35 TheBluePill,hwym08,"A list of moves men use to manipulate women into a fuck and chuck, using OLD apps - compiled by red-piller for his fellow cult members to use. Not the best list, but a good user guide nonetheless to avoid traps.",,https://i.redd.it/qv1ld9f8vrc51.jpg,163,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-07-24 09:15:19 TheBluePill,hx14fu,"What do you think of MEN who say that ""women cannot get along and understand each other""?",,,21,Reroreroreroo,2020-07-24 12:44:49 TheBluePill,hwcvrq,"Men Getting Triggered Over Words... in the urban dictionary! Lol whaaah whaah waah those feminist got our entry changed and ""I feel attacked"". It's just another way to ""push the men down"", cry MGTOW2. You earned it guys, all by yourselves, the whole world can see you.",,/r/MGTOW2/comments/hw3f17/mgtow_definitions_have_been_purged_from_urban/,214,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-07-23 09:47:26 TheBluePill,hvrt6q,Oh fuck off,,https://i.redd.it/6gndgfky4ec51.jpg,541,PocoGoneLoco,2020-07-22 11:04:25 TheBluePill,hvsap2,"For a certain subset of black men nowadays, bashing black women has become a trend.",,https://i.redd.it/udw3ur13cec51.jpg,17,[deleted],2020-07-22 11:44:20 TheBluePill,hvhqob,"""I have seen guys lose weight or start getting jacked while they are with fatty. They unintentionally dread their gf/wifey real bad, they are surprised by their reactions. Hilarious how that works every time."" In the comments section about jacked men being with ugly fat women.",,/r/asktrp/comments/hvemtc/whats_with_super_jacked_guys_and_their_below/,162,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-07-21 22:46:23 TheBluePill,huz9lm,“YoU’rE a WhOrE fOr TeLlInG mE wHaT tO lOoK lIkE”,,https://i.redd.it/lwh1lzakcxb51.jpg,323,FoeHamma,2020-07-21 02:35:50 TheBluePill,huybx0,Man goes his own way by murdering the son of a Latina federal judge,,https://www.nbcnews.com/tech/tech-news/suspect-federal-judge-s-home-ambush-railed-against-her-misogynistic-n1234408,28,[deleted],2020-07-21 01:33:15 TheBluePill,hugpbz,"OP: ""Have good friends. It can save your life"". TRP: ""Wow, needy much? Friends aren't real.""",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/ht5uu9/if_you_dont_have_good_friends_that_needs_to_be_a/,142,stonoceno,2020-07-20 06:54:22 TheBluePill,huiwmk,"Red pill man cherry-picks 'evidence' of promiscuity to labour the point that they'll be ""accused of being ""insecure"" for not wanting to invest time, commitment, and resources into a promiscuous woman"" whilst cleverly ignoring his own promiscuous behaviour and why women won't invest in red pill men.",,https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/huak9n/in_case_you_need_to_be_reminded_on_why_you/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share,49,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-07-20 10:23:48 TheBluePill,hugoj1,"OP tells the harrowing tale of the time he ""could have gotten me too'd""",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/htwy73/the_time_that_i_could_have_gotten_me_tood/,18,stonoceno,2020-07-20 06:52:28 TheBluePill,htjm01,"Guys like him are always ""brutally honest"" and ""tell it like it is"", except when they are looking in a mirror...",,https://i.redd.it/l3soqul9tjb51.jpg,643,FoeHamma,2020-07-18 16:39:55 TheBluePill,htqylu,"""I'll lie, cheat, mislead, misdirect, whatever the case may be. Then when the bitch is used up I'll go on about my merry way and find me another one... Every bitch has her role. That's the way I see it. Winning is the getting the most out of them while putting in the least."" Says red piller.",,https://i.redd.it/q823c8iqfpb51.jpg,45,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-07-19 00:00:26 TheBluePill,htnjz5,"He should look up ""toxic masculinity mental health"" on google.",,https://theothermccain.com/2019/09/27/what-is-a-man/,7,ryu289,2020-07-18 20:28:21 TheBluePill,hs6ncg,"Girl destroys her ability to pair bond, which is definitely a thing that can happen",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/hr8pty/my_boyfriend_is_upset_ive_destroyed_my_ability_to/,163,stonoceno,2020-07-16 09:36:51 TheBluePill,hrqsl2,"Mod posts about his insecurity and how low N count women are more desirable so they don't compare to other guys. His formula ""First guy is strong, second guy has abs. Second guy wins. First guy has a good sense of humor, second guy is locally famous and everybody knows him. Second guy wins""... No",,https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/hrorfk/the_insatiable_alpha_window/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share,119,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-07-15 16:30:37 TheBluePill,hrzarg,"I still don't know what ""Hamstering"" means",I thought it meant sticking a hamster up your butt lol,,11,alexandrawallace69,2020-07-16 00:07:32 TheBluePill,hrxc3e,"r/MGTOW brocels calls out their r/TheRedPill brocel for being ""toxic"" cos complaining about women","[https://www.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/hrrht6/the\_red\_pill\_sub\_is\_toxic/](https://www.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/hrrht6/the_red_pill_sub_is_toxic/) ([archived](http://archive.is/Hfs8s) in case they try to run)",,11,StrongSecurity,2020-07-15 22:12:27 TheBluePill,hrq72w,Red pillers talking about blue pillers and relationships (something TRP don't have) and not understanding the value of communication... The comment section is Lol,,/r/asktrp/comments/hrl6ee/blue_pilled_guys_being_proud_of_being_told_what/,3,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-07-15 15:59:01 TheBluePill,hr3xrh,"How to create a sexual vibe on Tinder by overthinking everything: by the same dudes who complain about ""gender studies""",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/hqj2fn/creating_a_sexual_vibe_in_your_tinder_profile/,142,stonoceno,2020-07-14 15:48:45 TheBluePill,hr66r8,The lesbians need to be “cured”. Ok buddy.,,https://i.redd.it/t469d0r8pqa51.jpg,30,[deleted],2020-07-14 17:48:29 TheBluePill,hqd9nx,TRP advices how to rape women,,https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/hq9cbm/close_close_close_the_importance_of_killer/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share,134,[deleted],2020-07-13 11:01:29 TheBluePill,hpwisz,All 3 posts were made by the same guy,,https://i.redd.it/elfdaf7liea51.jpg,288,FoeHamma,2020-07-12 15:49:43 TheBluePill,hq24wa,I engage in convo with a Redditor on the topic of men's rights discussion online and this is what I get,,https://imgur.com/a/jssJZvi,30,ChibiSailorMercury,2020-07-12 21:10:12 TheBluePill,hq1rr2,Jordan Peterson says that women using make up is sexually provocative and invites to sexual harrasment in the workplace,,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S9dZSlUjVls,16,Hopebringer1113,2020-07-12 20:49:24 TheBluePill,hpebyh,"Just came across this post on a sub, and my blood is boiling!!","The post: *The short story is, my husband’s brother is really scaring me and I need to get into my own house now. I am not a professional artist but I’m willing to do illustrations in return for help* ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *The long story is:* *I live with my husband and his brother. Both of them co-own this house, but my husband and I were gifted a small piece of the farm by their (now deceased) father. We have been living with the brother to save money to build a little house and we have done so by penny pinching, scrounging for resources, and re-using as many materials as we can.* *At first this was all OK, but in the last few weeks the brother has gotten worse and worse up until the point where I can’t stand to be here anymore. It started as jokes about me being a lady, asking me to cook and clean more, telling me to be more ladylike around the house, etc. I brushed him off and stood my ground, and I thought we were fine.* *Lately it’s been getting worse. He demands that I cook him meals (“hey, why don’t you go ahead and cook burgers for when I get home?”) and once dumped his laundry in front of my door so I had to pick it up and give it back to him. He was all offended saying I was supposed to do it for him. He demands that I clean up the living room that we “share” but I never get to use because he’s always taken it over. He has, in the past three weeks, shoved his head into my half of the house (separated by door) and complained that it’s cleaner than his because his brother has a wife and it’s not “fair.”* *My husband has tried multiple times to tell him to screw off, so he’s started doing things that his brother won’t see or does it when he’s gone. He purposefully hangs around the hallway where my bathroom is when I get out of the shower, so that when I leave he’s conveniently “passing by” and will dip off saying “oops sorry!” after catching a glance of me walking to my bedroom in a towel. So I’ve started scrubbing off and getting dressed in our cramped little bathroom. I used to sing in the shower to music, but in the past couple of weeks he’s started going on about how I have such a beautiful voice and he loves to hear me sing so now I’ve stopped. I’ve also caught him putting my cosmetic oil on his hands and smelling them.* *His brother has been after him multiple times to stop being creepy, and the past couple of times he got heated and told my husband that he doesn’t deserve someone like me, how my husband is a bad husband and that I will surely leave him soon.* *He’s also made sure to make comments about my appearance or his own lately. Saying he likes my clothes/hair/makeup, that I “fix up nicely”, and whines about how he is “fat and ugly and could never get someone so beautiful.” He’s told me I smell nice and has started brushing my arm with his fingers “by accident” a lot.* *The other day I noticed someone had gone through my drawer where I keep our sex toys, and husband claims it is not him. One is MISSING.* *I don’t feel safe here anymore. I feel like a piece of meat, and I’ve spent the last week in my bedroom afraid to leave. I only leave to go to the bathroom, go straight to the car, etc. I don’t eat until my husband gets home from work.* *We have been struggling to get out for a while, but with covid our hours have been cut and we are really struggling. Originally we were supposed to be able to have moved in by now, but with the extra strain it’s looking like weeks.* *What’s most frustrating is that the cost of getting everything fixed enough to move in is an attainable number, but time and time again we’ve saved up only to have a sudden emergency rip away our funds. I just want to lay down to sleep in my own bed and not wonder what’s going to be said when I leave my room again. The new house is nearly a half mile away from this one and the brother won’t be allowed to come by. I’m afraid to leave him around my cat as well as he used a switch to whip him once when he knocked a cup off of the coffee table. I raged at him and he shrugged it off and acted like nothing happened.* *My husband is losing it as well. He broke down crying about not being able to provide a safe place for us and our fur baby, and I’ve never seen him sob on the floor before, but he’s just as defeated and tired as I am.* *We have worked for years to get better after a bad accident wrecked my ability to work for about a year. We’ve been slowly rebuilding and moved into this house to stop paying rent (the house is paid for and husband half owns it). We’ve sold everything of value to get this house made and have been driving junker cars to make up for it.* *I am coming here as a last resort to please ask for help in getting me out of here. It would solve so many problems. I haven’t slept in days and everything is blurring together now.* **EDIT: [Link to original post.](https://www.reddit.com/r/Assistance/comments/hpbbqm/feeling_unsafe_in_my_own_house_and_unable_to_get/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)**",,156,NihilisticBuddhism,2020-07-11 17:50:04 TheBluePill,hprnxl,"I love it when they argue. The comments on the second post are class, some are even sensible I've no doubt it will be removed over there because they hate these ""STFU"" style posts, hence the screen shot.",,https://i.redd.it/juhwg88haea51.jpg,4,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-07-12 09:27:11 TheBluePill,hoshnf,😡,,https://i.redd.it/a6q2hatg62a51.jpg,267,Jenn_There_Done_That,2020-07-10 16:53:04 TheBluePill,hoz1f1,TERF subs banned along with many abuse porn subs! (Sorry for linking to r/Drama 🤷🏽‍♀️),,/r/Drama/comments/houoby/all_of_the_terf_subs_have_been_yalled_by_the/,42,Jenn_There_Done_That,2020-07-10 22:51:56 TheBluePill,ho8erq,🤮,,https://i.redd.it/2hem4wcziv951.jpg,377,Jenn_There_Done_That,2020-07-09 18:28:36 TheBluePill,hodewz,"Redpill mod laments about his oppression, how men have always been hated and how his right to hate speech should be protected in this woe is me essay... If you listen you can hear him cry tears of misogyny.",,https://i.redd.it/fsyz8eeuww951.jpg,17,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-07-09 23:00:54 TheBluePill,ho14nh,Emotionless sex leaves redpill man emotionless and he decides other things like money give him more excitement...,,https://i.redd.it/kffoletfct951.jpg,29,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-07-09 11:00:49 TheBluePill,hnx1zu,r/Drama: Mayo foids are bitches,,https://i.redd.it/zo7sybtljr951.jpg,10,QuirkyBrit,2020-07-09 04:57:15 TheBluePill,hmstka,"TRP Fiction: OP tries his hand at a ""red-pilled"" folk parable",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/hmohyo/the_spirit_of_seeing_a_story_about_the_internet/,79,stonoceno,2020-07-07 11:30:09 TheBluePill,hm3w9o,R/unpopularopinion share the wildly popular opinion that women are the worst.,,https://old.reddit.com/r/unpopularopinion/comments/hm1sce/as_a_woman_it_irritates_me_how_other_women_wont/,201,Madam_Cholet,2020-07-06 08:35:30 TheBluePill,hloom8,Incels truly are the most oppressed group in history,,https://i.redd.it/ng9kne5jgw851.jpg,206,FoeHamma,2020-07-05 15:43:42 TheBluePill,hlk4k6,"the comments are a shit show... In summary, single mothers: the biggest drain on our society, aka greedy, communist, advantage-taking prostitutes",,https://files.catbox.moe/vn3zw8.jpg,339,eelhugs,2020-07-05 09:55:12 TheBluePill,hlj6vy,Let go of your morals. They’re holding you back from your full potential.,,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/hkn2yc/the_more_i_let_go_of_societys_moral_values_the/,11,stonoceno,2020-07-05 08:23:37 TheBluePill,hl4fj2,The Devil's Doorbell,,https://i.redd.it/gmr6r9os8r851.jpg,251,FoeHamma,2020-07-04 14:45:27 TheBluePill,hlcpty,Mgtow needs to be banned,,https://imgur.com/a/eRQGDhm,49,Tomato179,2020-07-04 23:17:25 TheBluePill,hldo2w,"""Let go of your morals... One thing I learned from studying sociopaths and psychopaths is fake empathy"" said one dark triad red piller encouraging people to be more like ~~satan~~ himself. JFC",,https://i.redd.it/mtf4mivfnx851.jpg,9,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-07-05 00:25:28 TheBluePill,hldhu0,Eh? WTF is this now?,,https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/hl3jc8/reject_the_modern_world/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share,7,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-07-05 00:12:36 TheBluePill,hkbrkq,Two days ago r/BlatantMisogyny got swept up in the ban wave. Today the admins reinstated it! We are back to laugh at all of the misogynists! 😂😆,r/BlatantMisogyny,,295,Jenn_There_Done_That,2020-07-03 03:25:24 TheBluePill,hjzxnc,"This guy is a ""Getting laid"" advice redpiller and his website is absolutely insane, I have no words. (Link in post)",,https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/hj6m2l/get_laid_a_tonne_on_tinder_part_1_improving_your/,76,4ofclubs,2020-07-02 16:15:11 TheBluePill,hjwqrg,"Just some normal, healthy relationships",,https://www.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/hjpt4x/ever_have_girls_tell_you_they_though_you_were_a?sort=confidence,24,treebog,2020-07-02 13:11:39 TheBluePill,hjfbl6,🤮,,https://i.redd.it/4jvz2hm6ba851.jpg,496,Jenn_There_Done_That,2020-07-01 17:56:09 TheBluePill,hju0ka,"""Women always... Blah blah blah"" says red piller who think all women are a carbon copy of one another. Coming up on 'things that never happened' He smashed the mother for sport and boned the daughter the next night because she was skinny. Ok then.",,https://i.redd.it/8afr8qu3ze851.jpg,15,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-07-02 09:37:12 TheBluePill,hjj6eb,So here's my question," [https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/hi3706/mia\_khalifa\_wants\_her\_videos\_removed/](https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/hi3706/mia_khalifa_wants_her_videos_removed/) &#x200B; Take a look at the comments section. Now, here's my question. What makes those idiots think they are such prizes? They are acting as if they would be doing a woman a favor by being in a relationship with her, or marrying her. Do they have any idea how they are coming across? As neurotic little shits? While they are busy beating themselves in the chest over how ""alpha"" they are, true alphas are enjoying all sorts of ""degenerate"" sex with their partners, because they are not so insecure and easily threatened.",,14,Della_A,2020-07-01 21:10:36 TheBluePill,hji1lm,"Feminism has entered the fourth wave, denoted by online activism. I invite everyone to join r/FourthWaveFeminism!","Feminism has entered the fourth wave. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fourth-wave_feminism Everyone is invited to join our new subreddit, where we will discuss feminism, online activism and dunk on misogyny. r/FourthWaveFeminism",,7,Jenn_There_Done_That,2020-07-01 20:12:28 TheBluePill,hitj9v,"""Blue pill mob"" giving terrible advice says redpill alpha who knows best.",,https://i.redd.it/6itq2hfvf3851.jpg,99,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-06-30 18:50:09 TheBluePill,hi8ywc,MGTOW and TheRedPill are still up. Sexism as A-OK with reddit!,,/r/SubredditDrama/comments/hi3yq7/new_admin_policy_announced_including_the_banning/,407,Jenn_There_Done_That,2020-06-29 21:14:14 TheBluePill,hio71h,Police Statistics Question,"Hi guys! I have a quick question. Every time I argue with someone about police brutality, they always say the same lie: ""in 2019, police killed 9 black men and 20 white men. That's an FBI statistic."" The police killed over 1,000 people in 2019, and hundreds in June alone. This is so obviously fake, and as far as I can tell the FBI doesn't say this. So where is this statistic from? Does anyone know? Thank you !",,8,blackberryabundant,2020-06-30 14:17:53 TheBluePill,hikrbc,Could feminism have... benefits for TRP??? Say it ain't so!,,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/hi9scz/feminism_isnt_completely_bad_for_trp_men/,4,stonoceno,2020-06-30 10:26:53 TheBluePill,hikqi1,FORCE HER HAND and polarize the situation - fuck nuance!,,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/hi29p3/the_details_dont_matter/,2,stonoceno,2020-06-30 10:25:14 TheBluePill,hikqzh,REAL SCIENCE: why feminine men are more likely to be homos,,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/hiddcc/why_men_are_feminists_and_why_feminine_men_are/,1,stonoceno,2020-06-30 10:26:14 TheBluePill,hidq2r,I think Reddit’s suggestion algorithm is a bit off. r/seduction was also suggested as “similar to r/TheBluePill”,,https://i.redd.it/huuoz7j1dy751.jpg,5,thecrazy_itbreeds,2020-06-30 01:44:41 TheBluePill,hhvcee,Women and girls only differ from TRP theory because of BIRTH CONTROL THAT CONTROLS THEIR HORMONES WHICH ARE THEIR MIND,,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/hhmfa8/why_do_some_women_still_go_for_feminized_men_even/,49,stonoceno,2020-06-29 07:17:45 TheBluePill,hhipqj,🤮,,https://i.redd.it/lzol27s3po751.jpg,429,Jenn_There_Done_That,2020-06-28 17:43:04 TheBluePill,hhckdu,">""There is such a low probability that she is smart, interesting and with a personality.... she will ghost and disappear at once for reasons not dependent on you."" PUA has no idea why he is ghosted regularly. Self awareness is zero, but yeah sure, it's the women's fault hu?",,https://i.redd.it/1ac7m8boum751.jpg,71,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-06-28 11:02:33 TheBluePill,hhk5lt,Nothing makes my fanny flutter more than reading how theredpill is soon to be banned off reddit. Get your snorkels out and your rubber plimsolls because its going to get slippery in here.,,https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/hhgvb1/mod_notice_reddit_may_ban_the_red_pill_in_the/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share,15,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-06-28 19:00:46 TheBluePill,hhjwft,MANDATORY REMEDIAL r/TheBluePill RE-EDUCATION PROPAGANDA: Live from Olympia!,,https://youtu.be/O5ryIztqI5g,7,SignalAVirtueToday,2020-06-28 18:47:09 TheBluePill,hgx4tw,Dr. Disrespect accused of being disrespectful (TRP: *shocked pikachu face*),,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/hgpcml/another_scalp_for_metoo/,117,stonoceno,2020-06-27 17:01:44 TheBluePill,hfqwpd,"Girls get lots of matches on Tinder, guys, beware",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/hfp5p9/a_slightly_unethical_way_of_seeing_for_yourself/,125,stonoceno,2020-06-25 18:04:48 TheBluePill,hfl1ru,"Step 1. Isolation. Step 2. Take your shirt off. Step 3. Make sangria. Step 4. ""When you got her in her underwear while you are still fully dressed, you are ready to dominate her. You are in the control of the situation.""",,https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/hfel29/how_to_cut_your_learning_curve_in_half_focus_on/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share,7,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-06-25 12:15:29 TheBluePill,hexcmw,"OP uses dread on her husband, and now dread is bad because it will kill her attraction to him",,https://np.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/gvjcos/small_update_to_dealing_with_a_drunk_captain/,149,stonoceno,2020-06-24 08:29:46 TheBluePill,hex6x0,STI rates are red-pill truth (diagnosis rates have nothing to do with women being more likely to visit the gynecologist for things like birth control scripts - it's CHAD),,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/hebeh1/std_statistics_are_another_redpill_truth_just/,38,stonoceno,2020-06-24 08:16:41 TheBluePill,hexwvh,"What do you do when you really want something, but Captain says no? (OP has dog troubles)",,https://np.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/gjq1ui/what_do_you_do_when_you_really_want_something_but/,18,stonoceno,2020-06-24 09:19:39 TheBluePill,hey2gd,WoMeN ArE ALl PRoStiTuTeS AnD I’M RiCh aND SuCcESSful. One MGTOW furiously types.,,https://i.redd.it/9kcqnpgavt651.jpg,11,Bruciesballs666,2020-06-24 09:33:55 TheBluePill,hec74v,We DoN’T HaTe WoMaN We JuSt WaNt To Go OuR OwN WaY. “Yeah sure you do”.,,https://i.redd.it/x3vmoxxs0n651.jpg,622,Bruciesballs666,2020-06-23 10:32:21 TheBluePill,heik51,Women shouldn’t vote hurr durr!!,,https://i.redd.it/05dpef6zyo651.jpg,28,Jenn_There_Done_That,2020-06-23 17:09:54 TheBluePill,hed82w,"""We're the prize"" yes indeed you are... the booby prize, prize plumb, the prize plonka, the rejected prize, the recycled tombola prize, the prize people would rather not have because it's not really a prize at all, more a consolation prize of a time when you were dazzled by something that was a lie.",,https://www.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/he4790/an_interesting_title/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share,8,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-06-23 11:53:12 TheBluePill,hdjz5f,My favorite video on what “masculinity” is,,https://youtu.be/PflmaMpuGEc,66,parabolateralus,2020-06-22 02:58:31 TheBluePill,hd31ah,Women and learned helplessness,,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/havv2i/womens_learned_helplessness_and_desire_for_the/,100,stonoceno,2020-06-21 07:56:07 TheBluePill,hciwql,"How to have a MFFF foursome, with pics and vids as PROOF",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/hbdl9v/how_to_have_a_4some_mfff_with_pics_vids/,94,stonoceno,2020-06-20 09:00:19 TheBluePill,hbimue,Roomba chose the blue pill,,https://i.redd.it/ajf1j6a6ap551.jpg,340,Xcowns,2020-06-18 17:04:19 TheBluePill,hayi8v,Oh no! Whatever shall I do?,,https://i.redd.it/jsje4g1zwi551.jpg,497,Nearby-Airport,2020-06-17 19:39:37 TheBluePill,hanotl,THE TRP BUG-MAN COMETH,,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/h89vah/bronze_age_mindset_the_bugman_defined/,33,stonoceno,2020-06-17 09:08:03 TheBluePill,hanq5z,"Roosh: ""I may not have been a homosexual by definition, but I was a homosexual in spirit.""",,http://www.wehuntedthemammoth.com/2020/06/15/is-heterosexuality-gay-a-confused-roosh-v-ponders-the-question/,26,stonoceno,2020-06-17 09:11:07 TheBluePill,hahx0e,Guncel refuses to date because of the massive conspiracy against gun owners,,https://np.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/haan2b/comment/fv2hyor,13,ForgedIronMadeIt,2020-06-17 02:08:09 TheBluePill,h9yq4s,"TRP worries they will be ""canceled"" for dating younger women (and... not other things)",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/h9n3yg/you_soon_will_be_cancelled_for_dating_a_younger/,173,stonoceno,2020-06-16 07:03:19 TheBluePill,h9bvi4,"MRP gives us ""real conversations with abuse victims""",,https://np.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/gwd90x/actual_conversations_with_abuse_victims/,119,stonoceno,2020-06-15 08:09:51 TheBluePill,h8rr4j,"Guys, can you even handle the truths he spits? I don't think I can",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/h7h2qz/girls_women_boys_men/,87,stonoceno,2020-06-14 10:57:17 TheBluePill,h85aln,"Q. How can I avoid hiring women? A. Always hire the best person for the job... I'd venture ""someone who isn't a legal and financial liability"" would be among the ""best"". They attempted to hide blatant misogyny but we all know ""isn't a legal and financial liability"" is code for men.",,https://www.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/h80tvq/is_there_a_way_i_can_avoid_hiring_women/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share,246,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-06-13 10:46:49 TheBluePill,h8cpbv,Don't these MRAs remember that time when they essentially shitted on Terry Crews for talking about toxic masculinity?,,http://archive.fo/hPoic,18,[deleted],2020-06-13 18:21:36 TheBluePill,h7sukj,What hell is this? I think someone is getting mad that MRAs are mad at a feminist acknowledging that sleathling is horrible for both men and women?,,http://archive.fo/P7pdl,79,[deleted],2020-06-12 20:49:37 TheBluePill,h76w4j,🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀Misogynistic cesspool The_Wall yeeted by the admins. 🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀,,http://www.reddit.com/r/The_Wall,254,nodnarb232001,2020-06-11 21:26:18 TheBluePill,h0w68t,"MGTOW discussing the reasons why their sub is on the chopping block ""Some content is critical of bad behavior coming from women. I was literally called a neo nazi yesterday for having posted to this sub. Interesting world we live in.""... Absolutely clueless. Not dehumanizing women then?",,https://www.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/h0jhmp/it_has_been_an_honor_gentlemen/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share,33,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-06-11 09:45:36 TheBluePill,h0uxks,"SMV: ""She wants to give you as little sex as possible while getting as much commitment possible. While you want as much sex as possible with as little commitment as possible.""",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/gzjfa7/a_clear_explanation_of_sexual_market_value/,15,stonoceno,2020-06-11 08:05:26 TheBluePill,h0ddk3,😡,,https://i.redd.it/yxq9ugwl42451.jpg,294,Jenn_There_Done_That,2020-06-10 15:37:58 TheBluePill,h0uve3,TRP on Gen Z: Get off my lawn with your maymays and tok tiks,,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/gzm5pu/genz_the_good_the_bad_the_ugly/,6,stonoceno,2020-06-11 08:00:41 TheBluePill,h0l1p3,"He was at fault for the end of his relationship, she brought him many gifts for Christmas/birthday, ""ate his ass"", looked after him etc and yet these colossal numpties are saying he can do better and get a ""better looking"" replacement? These guys deserve to be unloved.",,https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/h04a4g/you_cant_force_your_friends_to_digest_the_pill/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share,12,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-06-10 21:45:44 TheBluePill,h0q51s,Some of the dumbest shit I've ever read,,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/h0pvym/exponentially_better_how_this_scientific/,5,[deleted],2020-06-11 02:23:32 TheBluePill,h0gujt,"Women tend to flirt with me, so I don't think they care about harassment. Also I want wife material",,https://i.redd.it/u1ejv68ml4451.jpg,4,CandyBoBandDandy,2020-06-10 18:26:56 TheBluePill,gzsggk,"Protests are a good place to ""cum in women's vagina holes""",,https://i.redd.it/zeprirxycx351.jpg,273,CandyBoBandDandy,2020-06-09 18:06:00 TheBluePill,h09fy3,When I see a post like this I can't help but wonder how self aware men like this really are. He seems to be really over-egging the fact he was in no way 'abusive'. In my observations no one is 100% free from being abusive in some way. Whats everyone's thoughts on this?,,/r/MGTOW2/comments/gzv7vt/to_the_women_lurking/,12,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-06-10 11:57:58 TheBluePill,gzj5pu,"TRPer very invested in ""friend"" losing his virginity",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/gzakwd/a_friend_im_mentoring_just_lost_his_virginity/,76,stonoceno,2020-06-09 08:39:00 TheBluePill,gzjodi,"I feel sick now. The Loli (10-15 years old child) started off the sickness by its admiration and visual depiction of 'wonder woman', the older women got the more it ended up in pure hate and disgust by depicting them as a pile of kebab meat. The paedophile undertones is strong. MGTOW... Please go.",,https://i.redd.it/0ged5mzjru351.jpg,28,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-06-09 09:22:33 TheBluePill,gzjbls,Life advice for teenagers from TRP,,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/gz18bg/what_i_wish_i_knew_an_open_letter_to_our_teenage/,5,stonoceno,2020-06-09 08:53:13 TheBluePill,gyvrsz,"Possible ""incel"" has an explosive mishap, seriously injuring his hand, notes about ""hot cheerleaders"" and admiration for Elliot Rodgers found at the scene",,https://www.charlotteobserver.com/news/nation-world/national/article243352486.html,372,stonoceno,2020-06-08 08:54:42 TheBluePill,gya6mm,"""Based on the news, 100% of rape claims are straight up lies, or extortion for money. There doesn't seem to be a whole lot of actual rape going on."" IDK what planet these idiots live on but their hate for women is so blinding I can't wait for Mars to become a colony and MGTOW can have their own.",,https://i.redd.it/29mr3rpwxg351.jpg,316,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-06-07 10:53:19 TheBluePill,gyi0l0,"The myth of the ""strong independent woman""",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/gxdwx5/the_myth_of_the_strong_independent_woman/,9,stonoceno,2020-06-07 18:53:58 TheBluePill,gy6wov,"MANDATORY REMEDIAL /r/TheBluePill RE-EDUCATION PROPAGANDA, episode VIII: The Last Cuck",,https://youtu.be/6e9iR-hNKWY,40,SignalAVirtueToday,2020-06-07 05:54:10 TheBluePill,gxv7uh,"Yay, emotional abuse gets the girlies... ""Good plate? Sweet girl, satisfies you sexually and emotionally? Get along with her well, treats you like royalty, never gives you any drama? Ignore her for a while. Maybe half a year. You don’t need an excuse, just disappear... Ignore her frantic calls""",,https://www.trp.red/p/heathcliff/915,95,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-06-06 17:30:27 TheBluePill,gxjgex,Lest I have to discipline her;),,https://i.redd.it/vyuegau9g3351.jpg,357,FoeHamma,2020-06-06 03:26:40 TheBluePill,gy23yl,"In your experience with men, how true do you think this is: Men into ""chicks with dicks"" are far more into penis/fetishize it way more than any man is into vagina/fetishizes vagina on it's own.","Most straight men are either boobs or butts men, vagina is rarely considered the most attractive body part for men. Many men make jokes about how vaginas look/smell/feel. Smells like fish jokes, roast beef flaps jokes, loose vagina jokes. Men are less likely to give or want to give cunnilingus without asking than women are to give blowjobs without asking. Many women can attest to this. I never see men fetishize vaginas or focus heavily on them solely. I have never seen a vagina fetish or a fetish involving only the vagina, compared to say foot fetishes, armpit fetishes, etc. I would say these are all far more common. Meanwhile men who like ""chicks with dicks"" ""traps"" trans porn are heavily into the absence of vagina and presence of penis on a woman, that's the main pull in for them. They like certain sizes, looks, they say they are ""the best of both worlds"" because of having a penis and not a vagina. They are hugely into the surprise of a penis being there, how they can use it, and find it very attractive and the best/most attractive part of these women. Hence why they seek it out over cis women porn. I have never seen a man as into vagina/enthusiastic about vagina as men into trans women/chicks with dicks/traps, etc are into penis. I've heard it been said that men see vaginas as a ""means to an end"" and this would also explain why anal is seen as more exciting/less vanilla/like the holy grail, compared to vaginal. And I've never seen a straight man as into vaginas as gay men are into penises. Even an obsession/focus on feet/foot fetishes are more common. What do you reckon? Do you find this to be true?",,4,spykidsgameover,2020-06-07 00:12:12 TheBluePill,gx7m2a,"Total slut personality detox: Make sure you do not, by osmosis, absorb any slut personality. Do not drink soy. Do not use the word like unless you are describing similarities. Do not look at reddit unless you are calling a user on askTRP a f----t.",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/gwm2ru/total_slut_personality_detox/,148,stonoceno,2020-06-05 16:18:28 TheBluePill,gxatuc,"When your own self loathing spills over: ""There’s something disgusting and very offputting about watching a fat girl eat. In fact, truth be told, watching any hungry women eat is a massive turn off for me. Something about a woman caving in to her base desires and desperately gorging herself. Gross.""",,https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/gx6f0d/bunch_of_tryhard_coomers/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share,16,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-06-05 19:07:16 TheBluePill,gwd3uu,How to handle accusations of affairs: Tell her not to give you a reason to have an affair or ask her if she really wants to know the answer (for maximum galaxy brain),,https://np.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/gnti2e/how_to_handle_accusations_of_affairs_201/,135,stonoceno,2020-06-04 08:05:03 TheBluePill,gwo23k,WTF are these stuff?,"Red pill, purple pill, blue pill? Accidentally went to purple pill subreddit and read bunch of stuff. I felt depressed as hell. Then I searched red pill-a incel and pua hybrid. Can someone explain to me what are these all about ?",,6,LeoM21,2020-06-04 19:16:01 TheBluePill,gw1ptz,"Gem from PPD: ""Ugh, just makes me so fucking angry. I really hate these type of women, nothing but cum dumpsters.""",,https://np.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/gggvfq/why_do_some_many_women_start_giving_nerdy_guys/,117,[deleted],2020-06-03 20:17:24 TheBluePill,gvqcu3,"What Most Men are Missing: Coachability (listening to TRP, that is)",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/gv7w89/coachability_the_secret_ingredient_most_men_are/,70,stonoceno,2020-06-03 08:56:04 TheBluePill,gvbg3r,MGTOW and being racist as well as hateful. There is no low bar,,https://www.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/gv4j1r/the_attention_seeking_must_not_be_infringed/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share,175,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-06-02 17:18:44 TheBluePill,gvqcgg,The Summer of Masculinity: Masculinity is Power,,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/gv8z87/the_summer_of_masculinity_masculinity_is_power/,6,stonoceno,2020-06-03 08:55:05 TheBluePill,gugwze,"Iron Maidens: Women like being dominated. However for the iron maiden it's not enough. She wants to be disciplined. She wants to be Hated, maybe even almost-killed.",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/gtv3uq/iron_maidens/,158,stonoceno,2020-06-01 08:39:22 TheBluePill,guplwj,Fucqboi Book Club: Man's Ruin: The Final Chapters,,https://soundcloud.com/fucqboi-bookclub/man-s-ruin-the-final-chapters,13,FucqBoi_BookClub,2020-06-01 18:09:28 TheBluePill,gubs6t,"Welp. We knew this was coming...Derek Chauvin’s wife files for divorce, proves she’s just another disloyal hypergamous bitch like all wahmen, according to MGTOW.",,https://www.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/gthwrj/wife_of_exminneapolis_police_officer_charged_with/,52,poppy_blu,2020-06-01 01:57:41 TheBluePill,gsfv2z,"Rapist rapes. Red Pillers think the ""little whore"" should ""learn accountability"" before she ""rape baits"" again and ""ruins a man's life""",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/gs7ciy/protect_yourself_at_all_times_a_womans_morning/,316,[deleted],2020-05-28 22:02:01 TheBluePill,grz67b,Womp womp,,https://i.redd.it/b6xpuf9emd151.png,441,FoeHamma,2020-05-28 04:09:46 TheBluePill,gsg0er,"Plate spinner put in his place - ""You sound like a bitch riding the CC while your hamster says that its ok cuz you’re a red pill alpha.""",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/gsaxvh/regarding_plates_and_branch_swinging/,15,[deleted],2020-05-28 22:10:07 TheBluePill,gs3i94,"OP: A girl might have flirted with me at work, so I assumed she was my girlfriend and when she was not, I blamed her",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/grnu8e/the_sidebar_could_have_saved_me_from_my_blue/,34,stonoceno,2020-05-28 10:07:48 TheBluePill,grqukv,🤮,,https://i.redd.it/8jc0hxvr2d151.jpg,240,Jenn_There_Done_That,2020-05-27 19:46:54 TheBluePill,gs3h1j,Gritty cities and noble savages: TRP traveler tells us what boys need to be men,,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/gryv6y/magnificent_masculinity_what_boys_need/,6,stonoceno,2020-05-28 10:05:04 TheBluePill,gr9x0j,"""There's no such thing [as consent]. I've never asked permission in my life and never will."" Next comment: “I got accused of rape”",,https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/gqufox/man_kisses_woman_without_consent_on_live_tv_shes/frwv4p1?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x,120,[deleted],2020-05-27 01:14:59 TheBluePill,gr15w0,🤮,,https://i.redd.it/zv569r5l55151.jpg,374,Jenn_There_Done_That,2020-05-26 17:13:54 TheBluePill,grf7pm,Does r/MGTOW understand reproduction?,,https://np.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/grc1yp/life_of_a_simp/,9,itcud,2020-05-27 07:39:44 TheBluePill,gr8xiw,"""TBF there have been much more accusations of ""rape"" in recent years that turns out to just be a one night stand that was consentual but later regretted"" 🤬",,https://old.reddit.com/r/news/comments/gr69mo/judge_who_advised_woman_to_close_your_legs_to/frxdg96/,10,[deleted],2020-05-27 00:12:28 TheBluePill,gr2mhd,Homeless Man states college girls not having sex with him is because of Agephobia and greed,,https://i.redd.it/019wlxtfk5151.jpg,19,keeffer6325,2020-05-26 18:29:39 TheBluePill,gq9u80,I’ve made a comprehensive and exhaustive list of the most common misconceptions about sexual consent. Use this as a resource to destroy incel’s arguments!,"It's important to understand sexual consent because [sexual activity without consent is sexual assault](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_assault). Before you flip out about how ""everyone knows what consent is,"" that is absolutely not correct! [Some](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/files/1414/6117/4323/Consent_Survey.pdf) (in fact, [many](https://globalnews.ca/news/4213009/canada-consent-understanding-metoo/)) people are legit confused about what constitutes consent, such as [this teenager](https://www.nytimes.com/2018/02/07/magazine/teenagers-learning-online-porn-literacy-sex-education.html?hp&action=click&pgtype=Homepage&clickSource=story-heading&module=second-column-region&region=top-news&WT.nav=top-news) who admitted he would ass-rape a girl because he learned from porn that girls like anal sex (overwhelmingly [not true](http://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0181198), in addition to being irrelevant), or [this ostensibly well-meaning college kid](https://www.vox.com/first-person/2018/1/24/16925444/aziz-ansari-me-too-feminism-consent) who put his friend at STI risk after assuming she was just vying for a relationship when she said no, or [this guy](https://jezebel.com/5929544/rapists-explain-themselves-on-reddit-and-we-should-listen) from the ""ask a rapist thread"" who couldn't understand why a sex-positive girl would not have sex with him, or [this guy](https://www.buzzfeed.com/peteraldhous/david-silverman-atheist-fired-sexual-misconduct?utm_term=.bw0Z2VwVA6#.ton7q0E0dr) who seemed to think that because a woman was a submissive that meant he could dominate her, or [this 'comedian'](https://jezebel.com/5834712/is-this-comedy-monologue-a-rape-confession) who haplessly made a public rape confession in the form of a comedy monologue, or [this 'well-liked kid' who thought good girls always had to fight a little the first time](https://www.vox.com/first-person/2018/10/10/17953016/what-is-restorative-justice-definition-questions-circle). In fact, researchers have found that in acquaintance rape--[one of the most common types of rape](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acquaintance_rape)--[perpetrators tend to see their behavior as seduction, not rape, or they somehow believe the rape justified](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acquaintance_rape#Motivations). Yet [sexual assault is a tractable problem](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4660251/). Offenders often [rationalize their behavior](https://www.jstor.org/stable/pdf/3053901.pdf?casa_token=UuYDZaA8LCIAAAAA:HnHjgy9A4thcjrpWDunYAu1Bea3xepmkYCxoA1EPgc5X5cer7cvxOF1xxo6WMenj6bDqYrlXUZ5UkNrWt-vVubhKpsIN47pN0zlIEFbCk-cMx3GCgSQZ) by whether society will let them get away with it, and the more the rest us confidently understand consent the better [advocates](https://www.ted.com/talks/jackson_katz_violence_against_women_it_s_a_men_s_issue) we can be for what's right. And yes, a little knowledge [can actually reduce the incidence of sexual violence](https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/SV-Prevention-Technical-Package.pdf). So, without further ado, the following are common misconceptions about sexual consent: * **[An overwhelming majority of people require *explicit*](http://www.jstor.org/stable/pdf/20620316.pdf?refreqid=excelsior%3A35795183e914dfef5bad76292e6e685f) (i.e. [unambiguous](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/explicit)) consent for any sexual activity beyond kissing in a new relationship**. However, [even an unwanted kiss can be fatal if the person being advanced upon feels unsafe due to a large discrepancy in size/strength](https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/gay-panic-austin-james-miller-texas-man-cleared-murder-a8327261.html). * [**""Token resistance"" to sex is virtually nonexistent, particularly for first encounters**](http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1471-6402.1998.tb00167.x). The overwhelming majority of men and women who say no to sexual advances really do mean no. It's **never** reasonable to assume that when someone says no, they don't really mean it (unless you have previously mutually agreed to role-play and have decided on an alternative safe word, in which case it's not an assumption) [even if the person has sent extremely ""mixed signals,""](http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0886260517699948) or even [engaged in some sexual contact](https://www.rainn.org/articles/what-is-consent) ([as many sexual offenses often entail](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4484276/)). * [As in other social interactions, **sexual rejections typically are communicated with softened language**](http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0957926599010003002) (""Next time,"" ""Let's just chill,"" ""I really like you, but..."") [**and often don't even include the word ""no.""**](http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0957926599010003002) These rejections [are still rejections](https://apps.rainn.org/policy/policy-crime-definitions.cfm?state=Montana&group=9), and any subsequent sexual activity [is still sexual assault](https://apps.rainn.org/policy/policy-crime-definitions.cfm?state=Nebraska&group=9). Both men and women [are capable of understanding these types of refusals, and to pretend otherwise is disengenuous](https://yesmeansyesblog.wordpress.com/2011/03/21/mythcommunication-its-not-that-they-dont-understand-they-just-dont-like-the-answer/). Perpetrators often [misrepresent their own actions to garnish support, avoid responsibility, blame the victim, and conceal their activities](http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/0957926504045031), and [re-labeling sexual assault or rape as a ""miscommunication"" accomplishes those goals](http://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.360.5138&rep=rep1&type=pdf). It may not be a good idea to recommend to someone that they try to communicate more forcefully, because [like domestic abusers, rapists often feel provoked by blows to their self-esteem](http://www.emotionalcompetency.com/papers/baumeistersmartboden1996[1].pdf), so encouraging someone to communicate in ways [that are considered rude](https://is.muni.cz/el/1423/podzim2010/GEN144/um/KITZINGER_FRITH_Just_Say_No.pdf) could actually lead them to danger. Sex offenders are [more likely to be physically violent](http://www.innovations.harvard.edu/sites/default/files/134851.pdf), and [1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men has experienced severe physical violence by an intimate partner](https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/nisvs/infographic.html), so it is far from outrageous to take precautions against physical violence by being polite. * **[Most young women expect words to be involved](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00224499.2013.792326?casa_token=EvcYyZ5wHMoAAAAA:dsFZmPGUwuWaYaxrVaBUH9bjVhBME7yrtlbanwrHGets8BlHVJ-RcDN0woR_ozbe4ruQexK0sItoDw) when their partner seeks their consent**. [43% of young men actually ask for verbal confirmation of consent](https://github.com/fivethirtyeight/data/blob/master/masculinity-survey/masculinity-survey.csv). Overall, verbal indicators of consent or nonconsent [are more common than nonverbal indicators](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23919322). More open communication also [increases the likelihood of orgasm for women](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5087699/). * [**Consent is not synonymous with arousal**](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-013-0225-7). For one, there are common misconceptions that [an erect penis](http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1097184x08322632) or [erect nipples](https://my3.my.umbc.edu/groups/archive/discussions/8342) necessarily signify sexual arousal. It's also possible for someone to be aroused [and still not want to have sex](https://www.jstor.org/stable/pdf/20620289.pdf?casa_token=A6WLuaSUlO0AAAAA:X8qnOoj-elReye_Y4UDM7OI2URjliYnOtHyEvwY95_3dYK48nqebSK_NiXAz8vUvgHxDjqF3Uro4ER-jzUFu7vtNjeKJW-ZfPDs5LY14zufSl2goP2Ve). Women [often have a physiological sexual response to sexual stimuli that is independent of desire, and that may serve a protective effect against injury from unwanted sex](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2811244/). Misperception of sexual interest [may increase risk of sexually coercive or aggressive behavior](https://psychology.uiowa.edu/sites/psychology.uiowa.edu/files/groups/treat/files/Treat%20et%20al_,%202016.pdf), and [studies consistently show](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape#Consent) men perceive women's actions to be more sexual than the woman intends ([93% have misperceived sexual interest on at least one occassion](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4730390/), though [most correct their understanding *before* engaging in nonconsensual sexual contact](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4455931/)). Men who date women are less likely to accurately label sexual assault [when the victim's interest is even a little ambiguous](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/29294695). If the victim has an [orgasm, that does not retroactively mean the sex was agreed to](https://sapac.umich.edu/article/52). Relatedly, one of the most common reasons [women fake orgasms is to end unwanted sexual encounters](http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1363460716649338?journalCode=sexa). Sex with an aroused person who [hasn't consented is still sexual assault](https://www.rainn.org/articles/sexual-assault). * [**Consenting to engage in some sexual activity does not imply consent for further sexual activity**](https://www.rainn.org/articles/what-is-consent). The kinds of sexual behaviors one finds appealing is [highly individualistic](http://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0181198). The law is clear that [one may consent to one form of sexual contact without providing blanket future consent to all sexual contact](https://journals.cdrs.columbia.edu/wp-content/uploads/sites/18/2017/04/Brodsky_Final_PRINT.pdf), yet most sexual assaults [happen during a hookup when a man forces a higher level of sexual intimacy than the woman consented to](http://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.849.3316&rep=rep1&type=pdf). Most women [do not achieve orgasm during one-night stands](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5325674/), and are [less likely to want to engage in intercourse as part of a hookup](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3262661/). * [**Physical resistance is not required on the part of the victim to demonstrate lack of consent**](https://www.justice.gov/archives/opa/blog/updated-definition-rape), [nor does the law require evidence of injury](http://www.e-lawresources.co.uk/R-v-Heard.php) in order for consent to be deemed absent. Women who try to physically resist rapes [are more likely to end up physically injured, while those who try to argue or reason with the offender are less likely to be injured](https://link.springer.com/content/pdf/10.1023/A:1015254631767.pdf). The increased probability of injury [may be small, but the consequences serious](http://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.848.8460&rep=rep1&type=pdf). * **[Consent](https://apps.rainn.org/policy/policy-crime-definitions.cfm?state=Vermont&group=9) can be [legally](https://apps.rainn.org/policy/policy-crime-definitions.cfm?state=District%20of%20Columbia&group=9) communicated [verbally or nonverbally](https://apps.rainn.org/policy/policy-crime-definitions.cfm?state=Montana&group=9), and [must](https://apps.rainn.org/policy/policy-crime-definitions.cfm?state=Minnesota&group=9) be [specific to engage in the sexual activity in question](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laws_regarding_rape#Canada)**. Behaviors which don't meet the bar for communicating explicit consent for a particular sexual behavior (like [accepting an alcoholic beverage](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/29072826), [going to a date's room](https://prevent.richmond.edu/prevention/education/rape-myths.html), [kissing](https://www.rainn.org/articles/what-is-consent), or [getting undressed](http://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.1013.758&rep=rep1&type=pdf)) are at best indicators of [likelihood for future consent](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1054139X17308571). * **[Nonconsent can legally](https://apps.rainn.org/policy/policy-crime-definitions.cfm?state=Nebraska&group=9) be communicated [verbally](https://apps.rainn.org/policy/policy-crime-definitions.cfm?state=New%20York&group=9) or by [pulling away](https://apps.rainn.org/policy/policy-crime-definitions.cfm?state=Hawaii&group=9) or [other](https://apps.rainn.org/policy/policy-crime-definitions.cfm?state=utah&group=9) nonverbal [conduct](https://apps.rainn.org/policy/policy-crime-definitions.cfm?state=Montana&group=9)**. * **[Submitting to sex](https://apps.rainn.org/policy/policy-crime-definitions.cfm?state=Florida&group=9) is [not legally](https://apps.rainn.org/policy/policy-crime-definitions.cfm?state=Delaware&group=9) the [same as consenting to sex](http://www.e-lawresources.co.uk/cases/R-v-Olugboja.php)**. [Some sex offenders kill their victims to avoid getting caught](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0047235213000470); [victims often become compliant during an assault as a protective measure](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape#Emotional_and_psychological). * **[It's possible](https://apps.rainn.org/policy/policy-crime-definitions.cfm?state=Maryland&group=9) for someone to be [too intoxicated](https://apps.rainn.org/policy/policy-crime-definitions.cfm?state=Louisiana&group=9) to [give valid consent](https://apps.rainn.org/policy/policy-crime-definitions.cfm?state=South%20Dakota&group=9)**. Contrary to popular belief, [alcohol is not an aphrodisiac.](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/29652650) (in fact, [sober sex tends to be more wanted and enjoyable](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/29652650)). [Most college sexual assaults occur when the victim is incapacitated due to intoxication or sleep](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/29294944). Deliberately getting a victim too drunk to resist [is a tactic used by some perpetrators to commit sexual assault or rape](https://digitalcommons.unl.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?referer=https://scholar.google.com/&httpsredir=1&article=1125&context=psychfacpub). If someone is blackout drunk, it's a good idea to assume [they cannot consent](http://www.doctornerdlove.com/coerced-consent-yes-means-no/all/1/) to sex. [Here are some easy ways to tell if a person is blackout drunk](http://www.creighton.edu/fileadmin/user/StudentServices/StudentSuccess/How_to_Test_for_Blackouts.pdf). * **[Intoxication is not](https://apps.rainn.org/policy/policy-crime-definitions.cfm?state=utah&group=9) a [legally defensible excuse for failure to get consent](http://www.e-lawresources.co.uk/R-v-Heard.php)**. Heavy alcohol consumption [increases the risk of sexual offending](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4428986/) in [certain high-risk men](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3139770/). Intoxicated men who are attracted to a woman are particularly likely to [focus their attention on signs of sexual interest and miss or discount signs of disinterest](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4730390/). Intoxicated predators will also often [pick out victims they know to be impaired by drugs or (usually) alcohol and make them have sex even when they know them to be unwilling](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4455931/). If intoxication were a legally defensible excuse, rapists would just have to drink heavily (or claim they were drinking heavily) to get away with rape. * [**Wearing someone down by repeatedly asking for sex until they ""consent"" to sex is a form of coercion**. Some forms of coercion are also illegal in some jurisdictions](https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/NISVS-StateReportBook.pdf). Genuine consent [must](https://apps.rainn.org/policy/policy-crime-definitions.cfm?state=Wisconsin&group=9) be [freely given](https://apps.rainn.org/policy/policy-crime-definitions.cfm?state=Minnesota&group=9), or a [human rights violation has occurred](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_rights#Sexual_and_reproductive_rights). * [**Silence is not consent**](https://www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/sexual-assault-and-rape/sexual-assault). [Fighting, fleeing, and **freezing**](https://cmhc.utexas.edu/stressrecess/Level_One/fof.html) are common fear responses, and thus not signs of consent. In fact, [most rape victims freeze in fear in response to unwanted sexual contact](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape#Emotional_and_psychological), even though [most rapes are committed by someone known to the victim](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acquaintance_rape). * **[It is necessary to obtain consent from men](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23919322)**, too, as [men are not in a constant state of agreement to sex](http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/1097184X08322632). * **Consent must happen *before* sexual contact is made**, or a violation has already occurred. [Legally](https://apps.rainn.org/policy/policy-crime-definitions.cfm?state=utah&group=9), sexual contact that takes a person [by surprise](https://apps.rainn.org/policy/policy-crime-definitions.cfm?state=New%20Hampshire&group=9) deprives them [of the opportunity](https://apps.rainn.org/policy/policy-crime-definitions.cfm?state=Rhode%20Island&group=9) to [communicate nonconsent](https://www.rainn.org/laws-your-state-montana). There is [often a long period of uncertainty described in victim's rape accounts where she felt shocked by the rapist’s behavior and unsure of what was transpiring](http://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.1002.9963&rep=rep1&type=pdf). In fact, [most unwanted fondling, and many rapes, occur because the victim didn't have time to stop it before it happened](http://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.849.3316&rep=rep1&type=pdf). Most victims also [become compliant during an assault, which is a protective behavior that does not signify consent](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape#Emotional_and_psychological). * **Consent is [ethically](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Non-consensual_condom_removal#Legal_and_ethical_concerns) and [legally](https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/rape-condom-sex-worker-unprotected-lee-hogben-guilty-bournemouth-a8884726.html) required [before removing a condom](https://www.ctvnews.ca/canada/man-s-refusal-to-wear-condom-after-agreeing-to-cancels-out-consent-judge-1.4492602)**. [STIs are on the rise](https://www.cnn.com/2018/08/28/health/std-rates-united-states-2018-bn/index.html), many people are [unaware they have an STI they can transmit to a partner, there is an antibiotic-resistant strain of gonorrhea on the rise that could literally be fatal](https://www.cdc.gov/std/gonorrhea/arg/default.htm), there is [no reliable HPV test for men](https://www.cdc.gov/std/hpv/hpvandmen-fact-sheet-february-2012.pdf), and [herpes might cause Alzheimer's](https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fnagi.2018.00324/full). It's simply intolerable in a civilized society to knowingly expose someone to those risks without their knowledge or consent. * [**The NISVS includes using lies or false promises to obtain sex in their definition of sexual coercion**](https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/nisvs_report2010-a.pdf). For example, [pretending to be someone's S.O., pretending to be a celebrity, lying about relationship status or relationship potential are all forms of sexual coercion that cross the line](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-mysteries-love/201712/rape-deception). * [**Marriage is not an automatic form of consent**](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marital_rape). While couples who have been together for awhile often develop their own idiosyncratic ways of communicating consent, laws of consent are just as applicable within a marriage. Marital rape is one of the more common forms of sexual assault, and may more often be about [maintaining power and control](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acquaintance_rape#Motivations) in a relationship, rather than sexual gratification like other forms of acquaintance rape. The physical and psychological harm from marital rape [may be even worse](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marital_rape#Physical_and_psychological_damage) than stranger rape, for a variety of reasons. * [**Consent is at least as important (and just as required) in BDSM relationships**](http://www.nspb.net/index.php/nspb/article/view/180). It's true that [sexual fantasies involving dominance and/or submissions are somewhat common](http://emilkirkegaard.dk/en/wp-content/uploads/Joyal-et-al.-2014-What-Exactly-Is-an-Unusual-Sexual-Fantasy.pdf); however, even 'rape fantasies' (which would more accurately be called ""ravishment play,"" snce [no one *actually* wants to get raped](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00224498609551298)) must be carried out [within the context of mutually agreed-upon terms](http://www.nspb.net/index.php/nspb/article/view/180). It's never reasonable to assume that a particular person A) wants to be dominated B) by a particular person C) at a particular time. Sexually dominating a kinky person who hasn't consented is still sexual assault. * [Most rape victims are in denial, sometimes for years, after an assault](https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0886260517726412). **Finally acknowledging there was never consent is not ""regretting"" consensual sex.** [Regret is a virtually non-existent reason for false accusations](https://www.vox.com/2015/6/1/8687479/lie-rape-statistics). * ***Affirmative consent* is generally required on college campuses, (and a growing number of legal jurisdictions)**. For examples, have a look at [Yale's sexual misconduct examples](https://smr.yale.edu/sites/default/files/files/Sexual-Misconduct-Scenarios.pdf), [Purdue's consent policy](http://www.purdue.edu/policies/ethics/iiic1.html), [Illinois'](https://www.ethics.uillinois.edu/training/sexual_misconduct_training/employee_training_definitions/uic), [Michigan's](https://sapac.umich.edu/article/49), [Harvard's](https://osapr.harvard.edu/creating-culture-consent), [Stanford's](https://sara.stanford.edu/resources/consent), [Wisconsin's](https://www.uhs.wisc.edu/prevention/violence-prevention/sexual-assault/), [Minnesota's](https://policy.umn.edu/hr/sexharassassault), [Wyoming's](http://www.uwyo.edu/stop/get-educated/sexual-assault/definingconsent.html), [Indiana's](https://studentaffairs.indiana.edu/oasis/education/justsayknow/know-consent.shtml), or [Arkansas'](https://provost.uark.edu/faculty-handbook/5-employment-records-sexual-assault-harrassment/04.php) university policies on sexual consent (or [California's](https://apps.rainn.org/policy/policy-crime-definitions.cfm?state=California&group=9), [Canada's](http://www.leaf.ca/the-law-of-consent-in-sexual-assault/), [Spain's](https://www.theguardian.com/world/2018/jul/18/spain-to-introduce-yes-means-yes-sexual-consent-law), [Sweden's](https://www.pri.org/stories/2018-05-26/swedens-new-law-affirmative-consent-hailed-questions-remain), etc.). A requirement for affirmative permission [reflects the contract-like nature of the sexual agreement; the partners must actively negotiate to change the conditions of a joint enterprise, rather than proceed unilaterally until they meet resistance.](https://journals.cdrs.columbia.edu/wp-content/uploads/sites/18/2017/04/Brodsky_Final_PRINT.pdf) Logically, it makes much more sense for a person who wishes to initiate sexual activity to get explicit permission for the particular sexual activity they would like to engage in, rather than the receiving party having to preemptively say ""no"" to the endless list of possible sexual acts. If all of this seems obvious, ask yourself how many of these key points were missed in popular analyses of [this viral news article](https://babe.net/2018/01/13/aziz-ansari-28355). &#x200B; ^(EDIT: typo)",,1166,ILikeNeurons,2020-05-25 12:05:35 TheBluePill,gqmtb4,"Counters for the ""society favours women now"" argument?","I've encountered a particular argument a few times, namely the contention that today's society is one that heavily favours women as opposed to men. Does anyone have any good factual counters for that argument?",,23,eggmanstudio,2020-05-26 00:35:04 TheBluePill,gpzqlv,This is about the damaging effects of catcalling on teenage girls! Why did you bring in alligator into this!?,,https://i.redd.it/ad9uqnjoqs051.jpg,331,[deleted],2020-05-24 23:22:17 TheBluePill,gpr1pr,😡,,https://i.redd.it/wup3u3im8q051.jpg,185,Jenn_There_Done_That,2020-05-24 14:59:51 TheBluePill,gpzf00,are we even surprised they’re like this at this point?,,https://i.redd.it/0zlxaca94s051.jpg,41,arthoebutlesscool,2020-05-24 23:03:06 TheBluePill,gq1is5,Online Group Claims Fit Black Women are Unattractive,"This is my first post. In my spare time, I blog about the Black Manosphere (there is a Black counterpart in Red Pill communities). Lately, I've created a YouTube channel to help the blog and reach people through a different medium. I condense blog posts into short videos where I only show YouTube clips from the Black Manosphere and other related groups. In this video, a group called ""Save Yourself Black Men,"" which demonizes Black women and advocates interracial dating/marriage as saving oneself, claimed that even if 90-95% of Black women were fit they would still be ""horrifically unattractive."" [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZxCzl3n2AVg](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZxCzl3n2AVg)",,10,redpillnonsense,2020-05-25 01:13:41 TheBluePill,gpzhcb,"""Hating men seems to be a very common trend lately. So I was just turning the tables and using a common phrase I've been seeing lately and changing it from men to women. I find interesting that most people get very angry at such a comment when usually no one bats an eye when it's about men.""","Well this bullshit happened. https://angiethewitch.tumblr.com/post/619011059689439232/aight *webbedtoeddoll* >I support women's right, women right to shut the fuck up ✌️ *autonomy-is-a-right* >I um >you seem like someone who’s opinion on women’s rights I should definitely be listening to *angiethewitch* >Does this guy think this was a devastating burn or something? Men hating women ain't nothing new *webbedtoeddoll* >um...did you just assume my gender? @angiethewitch​ *angiethewitch* >Yeah I did. Please do correct me if I'm wrong. *angiethewitch,* >Okay. Does this woman think this was a devastating burn or something? Misogyny and hating women ain't nothing new. *webbedtoeddoll* >Hating men seems to be a very common trend lately. So I was just turning the tables and using a common phrase I've been seeing lately and changing it from men to women. I find interesting that most people get very angry at such a comment when usually no one bats an eye when it's about men. *angiethewitch* >Congratulations I don't care and I'm not angry *webbedtoeddoll* >Thank you! This whole thing has been VERY amusing! *angiethewitch* >Aight And the op edited it. >Thank you all of your participation of this experiment. Your responses will be logged as data in my research MAY. 23 2020 #MRA #FEMINISM #INTERSECTIONAL FEMINISM #FEMINIST #IDENTITY POLITICS #AMERICAN POLITICS #POLITICS #WOMENS RIGHTS 75  notes",,5,[deleted],2020-05-24 23:06:53 TheBluePill,gor6j2,😡,,/r/againstwomensrights/comments/g50cw1/giving_women_the_right_to_vote_and_the_same/,303,Jenn_There_Done_That,2020-05-22 20:30:13 TheBluePill,gp03fr,Fucqboi Book Club: Reddit Abyss 5: tfw no f,,https://soundcloud.com/fucqboi-bookclub/reddit-abyss-5-tfw-no-f,6,FucqBoi_BookClub,2020-05-23 06:21:18 TheBluePill,gopwf2,MGTOW and FDS attack the lowest hanging fruit there is.,"Both are just bitter, jaded, people with clear mommy/daddy issues that attack the lowest hanging fruit. Some of the things they say are true, but the majority is what I stated in my initial statement. Take MGTOW - all they do it bitch and complain about women. They repost dumb shit women say (a terrible sample size) and then go on about it. Like no shit bro, that's a stupid thing to say. No need to repost it and go on and on about it Jesus fucking christ. They bitch and moan about being ghosted, about women being sluts, about hypergamy. Bruh everyone gets ghosted. It's not a big fucking deal. Women get ghosted as much as men. I'm a female, I've been ghosted. And guess what? I don't give a fuck. I have high self esteem, no daddy issues, so I don't care. I move on, hang out with friends, do schoolwork, talk to another guy. And women may be hypergamous, just as men want to have sex with multiple females and pump and dump. It's in our nature, and if we're decent people in a relationship, we don't act on it. Just as decent men don't cheat. It seems as if their lives revolve around obsessing about women, relationships, sex, etc. It's sad. And same goes for FDS. Just add the part about men paying for all their shit and no sex blah blah blah like naw dude you've just been burned too many times cuz you're probably dumb, care too much, and have daddy issues. They also attack low hanging fruit and hate on men. Most of the stuff I said about MGTOW applies to FDS. It saddens me people waste their time on this kinda BS.",,15,[deleted],2020-05-22 19:21:19 TheBluePill,gopykx,MGTOW,"[https://www.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/gog92b/miss\_independent\_wants\_a\_slave/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x](https://www.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/gog92b/miss_independent_wants_a_slave/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x) SEE all they do is attack the lowest hanging fruit on god...",,6,[deleted],2020-05-22 19:24:27 TheBluePill,go2ysu,"A ""National-Patriarchal"" extremist group is being formed in Russia right now","And it has to be stopped. The entire russian Twitter community is shocked at the Telegram channel called Поздняков. The channel is aggressively proposing ideas of ""national-patriarchal"" propaganda, as well as doxes, threatens and cyberbullies people. Russian women, women in interracial/international couples, minors, Webcam models, LGBTQ+ people. All these vulnerable groups attacked by hundreds of Pozdnyakov's followers, receiving threats, getting fired from jobs, having their lives ruined. The channel has more than 50k active followers. Not only that, the members of the group have a secret chat where they discuss their plan to ""overthrow the feminists"", form an actual armed gang, bribe the police and ""do justice"". This might be nothing, might be just a bunch of angry incels, but as we learned - angry incels can be very dangerous. Countless people reported the channel, wrote 1 star reviews on the app, but no action followed. Telegram did ban his closed channel, the one he posted revenge porn to, but the main source remains active. I understand the app can't ban all the people and they will find another way to communicate, but the public channel has to be closed since it only propagates these cruel ideas of racism, sexism & homophobia. Pozdnyakov (the author) afaik was almost jailed in Russia, so he fled to Poland and resides there now, continuing to torment people. I'm only here to spread awareness on the issue. No one has any idea how to handle this while the authorities remain silent.",,274,[deleted],2020-05-21 19:03:38 TheBluePill,gnjnw3,"Woman who kept her child that was a result of her rape was viciously trolled by a man on twitter. She found his Facebook and messaged his family, employers and church screenshots of his hate mail.",,https://twitter.com/itsalwayswednes/status/1262543481307721728?s=21,792,Jenn_There_Done_That,2020-05-20 20:53:05 TheBluePill,gns2ow,"The truly ugly girl has others at a disadvantage, because rather than hurt her feelings, they will do things for her out of guilt - Any living creature that is weak uses manipulation to survive. Manipulating the strong to protect and provide for them.",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/gnkfby/love_sympathy_and_manipulation_or_how_women/,11,stonoceno,2020-05-21 07:05:51 TheBluePill,gnktfu,Husband calls up his wife’s boss because she has been too stressed about work to be useful around the house. Gets her demoted.,,/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gnfwi4/aita_for_going_over_my_wife_and_speaking_candidly/,49,PinkFreud08,2020-05-20 22:39:11 TheBluePill,gmz75l,Tesla Owners Try to Make Sense of Elon Musk’s ‘Red Pill’ Moment,,https://www.nytimes.com/2020/05/19/technology/elon-musk-tesla-red-pill.html,212,InfernalWedgie,2020-05-19 22:48:28 TheBluePill,gml22s,16 year old RedPill sends incredibly sexist and belligerent DMs to a feminist on twitter. She posts them. The comments DRAG him. Hilarity ensues.,,https://twitter.com/feminemiiy/status/1262493009439895552?s=21,329,Jenn_There_Done_That,2020-05-19 09:07:13 TheBluePill,gmri4t,"Hey folks! I made a completely unnecessary new subreddit, r/BlatantMisogyny, for posting all of the blatant misogyny you find anywhere in the wild.","r/BlatantMisogyny How is this new sub better or different than the subs we have already? -Good question. It’s not. It’s just smaller and focused on specific instances of misogyny/sexism, that can come from the Manosphere but do NOT have to. It can be sexism from anywhere you find it. It can be boomer-humor sexism from Facebook, or a Christian news article, YouTube comments, the sky is the limit. Any misogyny from anywhere can be posted there. It’s kind of redundant, but I made it anyways, so here we are. Do we really need this new sub? -No. I made it anyway. Won’t a subreddit like that be totally depressing? -Yeah. It might be. I’m hoping that the comments will be funny/satirical, or serious feminist discussion, which would be nice. Won’t incels, MRAs, RedPills, MGTOW flock there? -Yes. That’s why I will be moderating it closely. If you’d like to moderate, send me a message. (In fact there is already a sub called r/BlatantFuckingSexism, that I post in, but the top mod is gone and it’s not really moderated, so it’s infested with trolls atm, so it’s incredibly un -fun to post in. By making a new similar sub, we can post the content but not deal with the trolls.) EDIT: Never mind. They made me a mod over there too. I’ll keep the trolls down. Feel free to post there now. Do you have too much time on your hands during the pandemic? -Clearly. Yes.",,51,Jenn_There_Done_That,2020-05-19 16:08:44 TheBluePill,gml3s6,Tik Tok parody of the average incel/RedPill guy,,https://v.redd.it/to8hjz7cuoz41,120,Jenn_There_Done_That,2020-05-19 09:11:24 TheBluePill,gmc3pc,"Remember, he wants you to get an STD by saying whatever falls out your angry pie hole. I'm thinking hes on his way to a rape charge.",,https://i.redd.it/dln9v1bjqlz41.jpg,43,Fuzzy-Scene,2020-05-18 22:44:28 TheBluePill,gmjkaq,Born in the wrong generation in TRP,,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/gm2q8j/chemotherapy_handjob/,4,stonoceno,2020-05-19 06:59:24 TheBluePill,gmgzox,"We read real reddit posts on our podcast. This week: ""GF is too happy"" ""GF is getting too cool"" & ""Can I fire my GF""",,https://soundcloud.com/fucqboi-bookclub/reddit-abyss-4,5,FucqBoi_BookClub,2020-05-19 03:41:24 TheBluePill,gmfsgm,I care,,https://www.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/gm27tg/man_up_dude/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf,4,human-no560,2020-05-19 02:23:53 TheBluePill,glotsm,"Anyone's alarm bells ringing from that list for an ""alpha man""?",,https://i.redd.it/y48t4gn3iez41.png,66,aguadiablo,2020-05-17 22:25:05 TheBluePill,glehhz,"AITA: ""That girl didn't date you? Ignore that slut and sleep with all the other females! Why are people calling me TA?""",,https://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gkak98/aita_for_telling_my_cousin_he_cant_be_so_reliant/,190,stonoceno,2020-05-17 12:21:06 TheBluePill,glssjf,"Comparing ""Heterosexual Female Rape"" To ""Homosexual Male Rape"" Is Fallacious",,http://archive.vn/2PqDU,6,BrazilianSigma,2020-05-18 02:27:24 TheBluePill,glkzoz,The longest mansplaination of feminism in all the land...,,https://old.reddit.com/r/FeMRADebates/comments/glhhh5/this_is_a_sub_for_menswomens_issues_to_bring_up/fqxirts/?context=3,6,notafeeemale,2020-05-17 18:53:52 TheBluePill,gkpxst,I'm amazed at how effective incels are at digging their own graves...,,https://i.redd.it/rlymd4qye0z41.jpg,494,FoeHamma,2020-05-16 06:23:34 TheBluePill,gkybw8,Misogynists and narcissism,,http://www.wehuntedthemammoth.com/2011/08/09/science-corner-why-some-self-obsessed-douchebags-hate-the-ladies-so-much/comment-page-1/,16,[deleted],2020-05-16 17:16:10 TheBluePill,gl9ur0,"article about Canada's worst-ever mass shooter was woman-hater and misogyny fuelled his killing spree that left 22 dead -- First comment completely changes the subject, rest of 2000 comment thread ignores the misogyny, another one had to point out it wasn't ONLY women the dude killed 🙄 so fragile.",,https://old.reddit.com/r/worldnews/comments/gl4q7q/evidence_mounts_canadas_worstever_mass_shooter/fqvxn44/,2,notafeeemale,2020-05-17 05:20:46 TheBluePill,gkrizk,A response to a post about man hating feminists,,https://i.redd.it/um77ga7qc3z41.jpg,35,[deleted],2020-05-16 08:54:38 TheBluePill,gkr9jo,"Guys, stop fetishizing ""Eastern European"" or ""Asian"" women! Not because that's weird and racist, but because ALL women are trash!",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/gkfui6/so_you_want_an_asian_eastern_european_girl/,22,stonoceno,2020-05-16 08:28:22 TheBluePill,gk9y2u,Now women are too worried about COVID-19! What irrational creatures!,,http://www.wehuntedthemammoth.com/2020/05/14/women-worry-too-much-about-coronavirus-because-theyre-irrational-creatures-who-need-to-be-put-in-their-place-reddit-conspiracist-argues/,142,stonoceno,2020-05-15 14:18:53 TheBluePill,gk9we8,"I'm so glad that I have TRP to help me understand personality disorders, especially NPD",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/gjmc6n/high_danger_covert_npd_women_and_how_to_spot_them/,27,stonoceno,2020-05-15 14:16:08 TheBluePill,gjthdx,"Guy mansplains women’s suffrage to me. When I call it mansplaining, HE PROCEEDS TO MANSPLAIN MANSPLAINING!! The jokes write themselves, folks!",,https://i.redd.it/mj71a6wpasy41.jpg,413,Jenn_There_Done_That,2020-05-14 19:43:48 TheBluePill,gjoeaa,Her panties must be absolutely drenched being so close to this alpha male,,https://i.redd.it/932sb1vy3ny41.jpg,251,FoeHamma,2020-05-14 15:21:53 TheBluePill,gjnbje,"Throwing a fot because his gf turned down sex for the first time in 1,5 years. But the comment section is even better.",,https://www.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/gjg43e/when_ltr_turns_down_sex_how_to_respond/,158,misiepatysie,2020-05-14 14:24:32 TheBluePill,gjt562,"A guy actually mansplains to me that women’s suffrage wasn’t a “result of feminist activism”, but rather a gift given to women by men “as a natural result of a developing society”. I guess he forgot about the suffragettes who bombed buildings and went on hunger strikes in prison.",,https://i.redd.it/ekb07bem7sy41.jpg,42,Jenn_There_Done_That,2020-05-14 19:26:24 TheBluePill,gitz29,"A BBC 5-minute video on the contraceptive pill in Japan (that took over 15 years to be approved by a mostly-male government, while Viagra was approved in 6 months)",,https://www.bbc.com/news/av/stories-52559959/fighting-for-the-pill-in-japan,294,stonoceno,2020-05-13 07:06:12 TheBluePill,giuhql,"OP goes on Bumble date at his house, and is mostly thinking about his field report, has not-very-good advice for photos for dating apps",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/gilxki/field_report_first_date_lay_w_bumble_girl/,12,stonoceno,2020-05-13 07:47:43 TheBluePill,gik45b,[Biotroofs!] This Philosopher Is Challenging All of Evolutionary Psychology,,https://gizmodo.com/this-philosopher-is-challenging-all-of-evolutionary-psy-1842248835,68,InfernalWedgie,2020-05-12 20:51:08 TheBluePill,giu7pf,"AI-generated memes vs MRA memes (""When you find out you have a hot dog"")",,http://www.wehuntedthemammoth.com/2020/05/07/when-you-find-out-you-have-a-hot-dog-why-ai-generated-memes-make-more-sense-than-those-produced-by-mras/,4,stonoceno,2020-05-13 07:25:21 TheBluePill,giqukh,"They had me in the first half, not gonna lie (like “focus on yourself” stuff or him reflecting on past mistakes, BUT NOPE)",,https://i.redd.it/tzwbdib1agy41.jpg,10,AsianAmazon74,2020-05-13 03:18:33 TheBluePill,gijeil,Red Pill Black Men Upset by Sonic the Hedgehog Movie," [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBrSdidgLWQ&feature=emb\_title](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBrSdidgLWQ&feature=emb_title) There's actually is a blog similar to We Hunted the Mammoth but focuses on the Black Manosphere: [https://pookiesdagglesandmaggles.com/2020/05/04/sysbm-proponent-says-sonic-the-hedgehog-film-is-bed-wench-propaganda-and-anti-black-male/](https://pookiesdagglesandmaggles.com/2020/05/04/sysbm-proponent-says-sonic-the-hedgehog-film-is-bed-wench-propaganda-and-anti-black-male/)",,19,[deleted],2020-05-12 20:15:42 TheBluePill,gi6xph,Do you honestly believe a vast majority of girls even give a single FUCK about covid 19 or how many people will die.,,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/ghqol6/how_i_see_dating_girls_covid19_and_the/,134,stonoceno,2020-05-12 08:07:10 TheBluePill,gi6z07,"Don't give a fuck about her, never reconsider your own actions, live up your own ass!",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/ghria1/stop_giving_a_fuck_about_her/,10,stonoceno,2020-05-12 08:10:00 TheBluePill,ghtaxb,i posted on twox about how i hate delusional middle aged men hitting on me and it got deleted for hurting boys feelings,"im in a very bad place mentally lately from the combination of isolation socially while meanwhile still dealing with non stop harassment at work by older men (it's worse recently because i am alone at work now). i was having a really bad night once and came to reddit to find a thread about it. but saying ""young women do NOT like to be hit on by middle aged men"" is a topic that seems to just not be allowed on reddit. for one thing it brings out the crowd of guys who are aggressive about it and they stomp all over the thread until it gets deleted. meanwhile there are 9 million threads about how middle aged women are undesirable. about how age gaps are just lovely (but only if it's man older) about how ""natural"" it is to find teens and only teens attractive (women only though). It does not feel flattering to be hit on by old guys. It is embarassing and uncomfortable. Thats me being polite because honestly it's fucking horrific. In my life right now im working in customer service and also dating. Two things that have brought hoards of older men harassing me. I am not flattered or excited in the slightest by the ""attention"". The exact reverse is true. It's insulting and depressing. The thing is i feel like no matter how many of us scream from the rooftops about how much we loathe being objectified and hit on by old dudes, men just kick into overdrive to drown us out and force this idea that we love it. That it's natural. That everyone looooooves aging men. That young woman plus old man equals joy. It's gross. Sorry but it is. also just wanted to add: reddit's big lie about men being desirable as they age is harmful to men too. they are in for a rude awakening if they take advice from reddit and it is really messed up to sabotage each other in that way when you should be encouraging each in healthier ways smh.",,27,[deleted],2020-05-11 18:27:46 TheBluePill,ghjcq3,"Almost fell for a unicorn... but she used a strong vibrator back in the day, so she's actually a whore",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/ghedfp/the_irony_of_almost_falling_for_a_unicorn/,155,stonoceno,2020-05-11 07:58:36 TheBluePill,gh49zr,Another sub has been taken over by insecure manchildren (WhiteKnighting),,https://i.redd.it/dtwv5h81pyx41.png,278,AdvocateDoogy,2020-05-10 16:13:37 TheBluePill,ghjgst,Casey Anthony as the Fully-Realized Post-Modern Woman (with bonus not understanding anything about Andrea Yates),,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/gh6hc8/casey_anthony_as_the_fullyrealized_postmodern/,9,stonoceno,2020-05-11 08:08:22 TheBluePill,gh4r1x,Blue/Purple/Pink/Red/Black Pill dosages,"I've been trying to make sense of all of these ideas and perspectives in Western culture. What seems to be a common denominator in many of these trends (from both sides of the gender coin) is a lack of empathy and an inability or unwillingness to see things from the opposite point of view. Am I wrong? It's really interesting to watch these communities play off of one another, but it's a little depressing sometimes. What do you folks think?",,29,RabidusRex,2020-05-10 16:40:56 TheBluePill,ggwt3y,Red Pill Truths CONFIRMED by plate!!!!!!!!,,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/ggq2c0/high_n_count_and_long_term_relationships_red_pill/,47,stonoceno,2020-05-10 07:08:38 TheBluePill,ggvqqt,MANDATORY r/TheBluePill RE-EDUCATION PROPAGANDA VII REMAKE,,https://youtu.be/97rviFyLFlw,48,SignalAVirtueToday,2020-05-10 05:39:30 TheBluePill,gg7z86,Incellius Maximus,,https://i.redd.it/unevizr6djx41.jpg,412,FoeHamma,2020-05-09 03:33:12 TheBluePill,gf9l4o,Immediate Red Flag once he said “female”,,https://i.redd.it/s6xo9w3lbdx41.jpg,328,AsianAmazon74,2020-05-07 16:17:46 TheBluePill,gf2jfl,"""Fun"" with submissive girls: in which OP tells us how impressive he is",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/geotk6/submissive_girls_part_ii_more_fun_with_submissive/,99,stonoceno,2020-05-07 08:15:39 TheBluePill,gfcdxl,What is this?,,https://np.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/gf09ij/i_think_i_might_have_just_accidentally_swallowed/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf,9,human-no560,2020-05-07 18:39:04 TheBluePill,gf2nq3,"When you're alpha, you can break rules and it's cool and definitely no weird racism happening here",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/geqah5/your_ability_to_break_the_rules_is_a_powerful_red/,8,stonoceno,2020-05-07 08:25:58 TheBluePill,gexxpl,the way these people talk about their WIVES makes me sick,,https://www.np.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/g8pd33/mct_rules_for_pandemics/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf,10,huffleberrypie,2020-05-07 02:16:48 TheBluePill,geiasa,"You must be willing to nuke your nuclear family, because cavepeople lived in nuclear families and nothing changed until post-1950",,https://np.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/ge79vq/why_you_must_be_willing_to_nuke_your_nuclear/,102,stonoceno,2020-05-06 11:32:29 TheBluePill,ge54io,"AskMen mod is tired of incels turning his sub into another one of their women-bashing hovels, so the incels on WhiteKnighting turn on him",,https://i.redd.it/fqcd59uv4zw41.jpg,494,AdvocateDoogy,2020-05-05 20:13:10 TheBluePill,get995,DeVos finalizes regulations that give more rights to those accused of sexual assault on college campuses,,https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2020/05/06/politics/education-secretary-betsy-devos-title-ix-regulations/index.html?__twitter_impression=true,2,[deleted],2020-05-06 21:41:50 TheBluePill,gdu2le,"MGTOW really hates OnlyFans, and also, it only exists because the government subsidizes THOTS",,https://np.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/gdikqh/onlyfans_onlyexists_because_government_subsidizes/,157,stonoceno,2020-05-05 08:43:58 TheBluePill,gdyq4l,"""Every woman is sitting on a scholarship""",,https://i.redd.it/dcbyhm133uw41.jpg,45,FoeHamma,2020-05-05 14:28:16 TheBluePill,gdu5xy,Quarantine rules for MRP: just straight-up lie to your wife and pretend to work from home,,https://np.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/g8pd33/mct_rules_for_pandemics/,23,stonoceno,2020-05-05 08:52:25 TheBluePill,gdfmv7,"Women won't tell you what they mean: a story in which OP is told things pretty directly, but somehow, she's still in the wrong",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/gcu57d/shell_never_tell_you_what_she_really_means/,163,stonoceno,2020-05-04 17:13:32 TheBluePill,gcmy4b,Females are using the quarantine to test you and make you wait.,,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/gceego/make_him_wait_quarantine_edition/,80,stonoceno,2020-05-03 08:07:52 TheBluePill,gcl2y0,Woman makes post on MensRights comparing feminism to MRAs. Outrage and WTF-ness ensues!,,https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/gbjvm4/the_similarities_in_mra_and_feminism/,31,[deleted],2020-05-03 05:12:09 TheBluePill,gcr561,DS-157 Form by Carl Augustsson,,https://newsofx.com/2020/05/03/ds-157-form-by-carl-augustsson/,0,newsofxeditor,2020-05-03 14:05:07 TheBluePill,gblozd,This is the kind of misogyny being posted on the new IncelTears,,https://i.redd.it/wa1q0fqnq5w41.jpg,427,Jenn_There_Done_That,2020-05-01 16:50:12 TheBluePill,gbwqgg,They hated Jesus because he told them the truth,,https://i.redd.it/932nsptnb6w41.jpg,26,FoeHamma,2020-05-02 01:26:12 TheBluePill,gbblz1,Mandatory remedial r/TheBluePill propaganda: episode 6,,https://gfycat.com/marvelouspastharborporpoise#,155,SignalAVirtueToday,2020-05-01 04:32:50 TheBluePill,gbc3pe,"Lots of screeching neckbeards angry that the new Assassin’s Creed has the option of a female protagonist like the previous game, but this dramatic reaction is my personal favourite.",,https://i.redd.it/rc5cjtwbpzv41.jpg,84,FoeHamma,2020-05-01 05:10:52 TheBluePill,gbg0b3,"It's a hate training, nothing less",,https://i.redd.it/utgyfgaqw4w41.png,28,EverybodyIsMyBro,2020-05-01 10:57:49 TheBluePill,gbl7d5,The Black Pill Philosophy and the Ideology of Pills,,https://youtu.be/PNGTAOpKAjM,5,ihateuall,2020-05-01 16:23:13 TheBluePill,gbpq4o,How the Globalists Stole America,,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h95YkGEcDY0,1,NixNonFix,2020-05-01 20:29:25 TheBluePill,gbajk7,Are eugenics the logical end result of the 'freedom of choice' liberalism provides to its subjects?,,http://archive.vn/wuMTr,3,BrazilianSigma,2020-05-01 03:18:57 TheBluePill,gafewa,"4chan ""Blackpiller"" Incel Espouses That Women Should Be Banned From Using The Internet, Degrades Sex Workers.",,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IR8_5J7PBzc,145,CheesePleaseExtreme,2020-04-29 19:05:40 TheBluePill,ga6aos,"TRP tells us about ""Narcissistic Personality Disorder tells"", and it sounds familiar somehow",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/g9uit2/narcissistic_personality_disorder_tells/,141,stonoceno,2020-04-29 09:26:58 TheBluePill,gae7fm,Deadbeat dads and expectations for sex.,"I was on r/purplepill subreddit and I was debating a guy and I'm disturbed. My list of disturbia is numerous but let's see if I can sum it up. 1. He's upset that women make men jump through hoops to have sex. Like that they have to ask out and go on dates. He wishes it were just like gay men that can have sex right away. ----This disturbs me because he's not understanding how women have much more risks in sex and have to feel more comfortable. ----Women often say the man acts uninterested if she acts interested. ----Last reason for being disturbed is that it makes it seem men are only after sex. That they don't enjoy spending time with women. 2. This guy said he felt like it's okay to be a deadbeat dad and that women have no value except being a hole to fuck because of Feminisim. He said because the man has no choice in the pregnancy, false paternity, and the government assisting women and already stealing resources from men is why it's okay for him to be a deadbeat. He said that the reason woman are worthless is because she won't be a stay at home mom and because he can lose kids if they get divorced. --I'm disturbed because he expects women to get abortions if he wants. ---I'm disturbed because he is angry women doesn't give up sex easier, but he has the gal to not expect consequences for sex on his end. I feel like he's a parasite. ---He himself said he wouldn't allow his wife to be a stay at home mom because he'd divorce her if she made less than 10% of what he did, because the divorce would cost too much. 3. He says that all men will build a resentment for women because they are rejected at rate of 90%. I have trouble believing it's that high for all men. ----Why disturbed? He makes it either sound like women are making it hard for men to succeed on purpose. Like it's some kind of women's conspiracy against men. ----He says the reason men are so bad at sex and watch porn is because women are depriving men of sex and they don't get sex from women. ----He says that men have to jump so many hoops to get sex (feign a relationship) that they focus so much on the getting that they don't know what to do with a girl once they get her. ----He says because women are only valued for a hole to fuck that that's why the competition is so high for men and that they are rejected so much. 4. This disturbia isn't about the conversation, but just that many of these men act like they won't marry a whore but then they expect sex right away. ---On the purple pill, a guy wrote he'd dump a girl if they didn't have sex after the fourth date. --They are creating a marketplace where a girl would feel like she has to have sex or be dumped right away, but they want virgins? ---I get the impression that in hookup culture men are making less of an effort to go on dates. That they put in minimal effort. This also bothers me because it seems like men doesn't really want to spend time with women. That they don't like women. ----My final disturbia is reading articles written by marriage counselors that make it seem like a common reason for divorce is emotional neglect. The man ignores and won't talk to or spend time with his wife. This also makes me think men don't like women. I'm disturbed by that.",,15,[deleted],2020-04-29 18:03:15 TheBluePill,g9n8bq,"""Don't block me. I love you"".",,https://i.redd.it/sadd8x1uzdv41.jpg,302,FoeHamma,2020-04-28 13:31:39 TheBluePill,g9jhkn,"In which OP meets a human woman and she does human things, like have interests and conversation, and in which TRP dismisses it because women aren't interesting",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/g92pze/an_atypical_date/,106,stonoceno,2020-04-28 08:35:13 TheBluePill,g9xgs4,Scientists test whether giving men estrogen could help them survive coronavirus — and conspiracy theorists run wild,,http://www.wehuntedthemammoth.com/2020/04/28/scientists-test-whether-giving-men-estrogen-could-help-them-survive-coronavirus-and-conspiracy-theorists-run-wild/,8,BrazilianSigma,2020-04-28 22:45:19 TheBluePill,g9n6oq,A celebrity famous for her good looks has a good looking boyfriend? This just isn't fair 😡,,https://i.redd.it/c2zms5st3jv41.jpg,30,FoeHamma,2020-04-28 13:28:44 TheBluePill,g9jg20,"Why it's not ""morally"" wrong or hypocritical to sleep with many women yet expect the mother of your kids to not have slept with many men (does it have to do with object metaphors and not understanding biology? Yes.)",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/g8owmw/why_its_not_morally_wrong_or_hypocritical_to/,69,stonoceno,2020-04-28 08:31:55 TheBluePill,g8y41k,"UK: Calls to domestic abuse helpline jump by half in first three weeks of lockdown (what WOULD women do without men to protect them, and also, information for the Men's Advice Line, partially funded by Scottish Women’s Aid)",,https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-52433520,231,stonoceno,2020-04-27 10:15:38 TheBluePill,g8zrm5,NuRsEs ArEn’t HeRoS,,https://i.redd.it/xvscmhkw58v41.jpg,55,FoeHamma,2020-04-27 12:28:18 TheBluePill,g8g8ve,MGTOW: A Character Study,,https://i.redd.it/2fq1m47de4v41.png,211,FoeHamma,2020-04-26 15:29:12 TheBluePill,g8eq90,"Incels on Spongebob: Is he ""one of us"" or a gay Jewry icon designed for homo buttsex propaganda?",,http://www.wehuntedthemammoth.com/2020/04/24/incels-hail-spongebob-squarepants-as-one-of-their-own-eagerly-await-his-shooting-rampage-at-the-krusty-krab/#more-104145,172,stonoceno,2020-04-26 13:56:29 TheBluePill,g8aufj,"NO ONE FUCKING BREAKS UP WITH ME (and if they do, I go hook up with strangers who sing Tori Amos to me while crying, and this is good)",,https://donotlink.it/Pn7Aq,45,stonoceno,2020-04-26 08:25:44 TheBluePill,g8f9dq,"""When one of Bennington's victims demanded that he stop harassing her, he reportedly replied that he was going to kill her and her family""",,https://meaww.com/who-are-incels-online-community-toxicity-spilling-out-into-real-world-shooting-chad-stacy-becky-sex,2,BrazilianSigma,2020-04-26 14:30:48 TheBluePill,g7ybn4,"""No one can be relied on to speak truthfully and candidly if under his true name connected to job that can be destroyed and face that can be beaten in. Statistics always lie. Anonymous anecdote is the most reliable source, and it is not all that reliable""",,http://archive.is/rddAF,75,BrazilianSigma,2020-04-25 18:15:14 TheBluePill,g7ypp4,"""with social welfare, your contribution is barely anything because women can and WILL get money from the government""",,http://archive.is/HAChZ,13,BrazilianSigma,2020-04-25 18:36:37 TheBluePill,g77uv7,Apparently women can’t feel guilt,,https://i.redd.it/a0fb977ajru41.jpg,243,PocoGoneLoco,2020-04-24 12:53:28 TheBluePill,g7jofa,Former gay porn star now a 'men's rights activist' who claims he's 'being silenced' – despite starring in his own documentary,,https://www.pinknews.co.uk/2020/04/23/philipp-tanzer-logan-mccree-gay-porn-mens-rights-activist-scotland-chicago-bbc-stories/,16,[deleted],2020-04-25 00:05:42 TheBluePill,g7c253,"""they don't need us to make babies because robots will produce the goods for them""",,http://archive.is/vukpi,37,BrazilianSigma,2020-04-24 17:01:23 TheBluePill,g6wstb,“PATRIARCHY MEANS POWER! Fight the feminist disease.” ...They have gone full masks off,,https://i.redd.it/e1adesuvcnu41.jpg,360,Jenn_There_Done_That,2020-04-23 22:50:27 TheBluePill,g77mc2,Japanese mayor says men should grocery shop during pandemic as women 'take a longer time',,https://edition.cnn.com/2020/04/24/asia/japan-coronavirus-osaka-mayor-hnk-scli-intl/index.html,25,lemonkid12345,2020-04-24 12:36:46 TheBluePill,g78q3r,"Daily Stormer on a ""bright new future"": ARYAN RAPE GANGS (WHTM)",,http://www.wehuntedthemammoth.com/2020/04/20/the-daily-stormer-imagines-a-bright-new-postapocalyptic-future-ruled-over-by-aryan-rape-gangs/,12,stonoceno,2020-04-24 13:51:30 TheBluePill,g78ept,Crafting the perfect marriage,,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/g77ixc/crafting_the_perfect_marriage/,12,stonoceno,2020-04-24 13:30:49 TheBluePill,g6zhje,A new incel sub has appeared: “Female Girls; roast beef”,,https://i.redd.it/5e7znenn4ou41.jpg,27,Jenn_There_Done_That,2020-04-24 01:36:52 TheBluePill,g6y3zb,How Evangelical “Christians” thinks about women.,,https://i.redd.it/75iot6gqqnu41.jpg,18,[deleted],2020-04-24 00:08:04 TheBluePill,g6l20w,Internet women will tell the truth about secret female behaviors,,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/g5xsnt/i_ironically_first_heard_about_monkey_branching/,60,stonoceno,2020-04-23 11:34:32 TheBluePill,g6rhtv,This KILLS me.,,https://i.redd.it/plv6if9dxlu41.jpg,15,luluisabell,2020-04-23 18:01:41 TheBluePill,g6w0pa,"R/Incels ""without hate"" making me seriously doubt the validity of their sub...",,https://np.reddit.com/r/IncelsWithoutHate/comments/g6oaap/the_internet_dating_revolution_and_its/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share,7,AidenMetallist,2020-04-23 22:05:41 TheBluePill,g65sw0,Incels are being prosecuted for their online misogyny now. This does not bode well for their “movement”.,,https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/california-man-promoting-incel-ideology-charged-allegedly-threatening-teens-n1189206,349,Jenn_There_Done_That,2020-04-22 17:51:18 TheBluePill,g6q7i0,"""When I was looking up pictures of men with enopthalmos on google, I noticed that enopthalmos literally makes you look like a creepy toddler rapist""",,http://archive.is/8uNCr,5,BrazilianSigma,2020-04-23 16:52:12 TheBluePill,g698oq,How dare you bring up the fact that women face sexual assault!,,https://i.redd.it/f8351g7bnfu41.jpg,13,[deleted],2020-04-22 20:56:04 TheBluePill,g63oa5,"""if we didn't have the few dudes go ER and all the edgelords, we'd just be nothing but a small community that will fade away into nothing""",,http://archive.is/RT4fe,17,BrazilianSigma,2020-04-22 15:55:59 TheBluePill,g64gpl,""" The normie brain seeks at all moments to conform to the herd and be accepted. They fear social rejection more than any Incel""",,http://archive.is/kQ2SD,6,BrazilianSigma,2020-04-22 16:39:18 TheBluePill,g69l17,What About The Men??!!!,,https://i.redd.it/rieaxv5tqfu41.jpg,2,[deleted],2020-04-22 21:14:24 TheBluePill,g60ifr,"Quote from current pinned post: ""Here in this sanctuary for the mind and soul, everyone is advancing to the greatness they desire, those with ill will are helped to find the nearest exit and always something interesting, something heartwarming, something inspiring is said/happening""",,https://np.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/g5qap8/we_all_know_where_this_is_going/,8,[deleted],2020-04-22 12:49:18 TheBluePill,g5ws6o,Modern Parenting Is Counter-Productive To Having Successful & Happy Offspring (I'm really mad at my mom :C),,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/g5eohb/modern_parenting_is_counterproductive_to_having/,5,stonoceno,2020-04-22 07:31:50 TheBluePill,g56pyt,"Check your privilege, femoids!",,https://i.redd.it/vzorhtuglzt41.jpg,370,FoeHamma,2020-04-21 02:23:00 TheBluePill,g5iap3,"""Men seem to be scared off from searching ""incel"" because of the cucked media""",,http://archive.is/KkkR0,13,BrazilianSigma,2020-04-21 16:22:04 TheBluePill,g5u1nu,female = bad,"females are bad their evil creatures the average female would have fucked up to 50 guys by the age of 25 . The weakness of a female is turthness and hard working loving men that do fine without them . The female cant comprehend how their pussy smell dosent put all men in a pussy trance . Meanwhile these same females hate these men and go for the men that are not nice. Females are a cancer to humanity , females are awful",,0,proudnofaper3459,2020-04-22 03:44:47 TheBluePill,g5dohn,What to do when she talks too damn much: wear wireless earbuds and ignore her to her face,,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/g526cf/what_to_do_when_she_talks_too_damn_much/,9,stonoceno,2020-04-21 11:41:26 TheBluePill,g4th97,Women only love their children because they have their most intense orgasm during childbirth (WHTM),,http://www.wehuntedthemammoth.com/2020/04/15/women-only-love-their-children-because-they-cum-so-hard-during-childbirth-internet-weirdo-proclaims/,194,stonoceno,2020-04-20 14:11:14 TheBluePill,g538cx,"""As such, if a Chad breaks her jaw while he has forced sex with her, then it's ""just some rough foreplay, teehee"". But an ugly man looking at her from across the street is ""OMG, that creep is looking at me! I am literally being raped right now."" """,,http://archive.is/wtffc,26,BrazilianSigma,2020-04-20 22:50:12 TheBluePill,g51995,"Dogpill squared: Incel wants to lose his virginity to man’s best friend, asks “are there even any breeds that are attractive?”",,http://www.wehuntedthemammoth.com/2020/04/19/dogpill-squared-incel-wants-to-lose-his-virginity-to-mans-best-friend-asks-are-there-even-any-breeds-that-are-attractive/#more-104092,13,BrazilianSigma,2020-04-20 21:04:30 TheBluePill,g4uwjz,"A grisly story about a black WWII vet being deliberately blinded by a white chief of police after his return, but let's focus on his wife, who left because she didn't want to be a caretaker and we know little about her",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/g4rwwj/war_hero_returns_home_in_1946_gets_his_eyes/,15,stonoceno,2020-04-20 15:31:36 TheBluePill,g4e8ri,"Sex work isn't real work because it can't repair a generator, the only true measure of work (WHTM)",,http://www.wehuntedthemammoth.com/2020/04/18/mgtow-sex-work-doesnt-count-as-real-work-because-it-isnt-gonna-repair-a-generator/,206,stonoceno,2020-04-19 19:56:38 TheBluePill,g43981,My favorite AITA takedown ever...Loser old dude moves into his 28yo gfs place and...,,https://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g3mt16/aita_for_throwing_out_my_gfs_jars/,174,[deleted],2020-04-19 06:57:49 TheBluePill,g45q2g,"Your own wife will accuse you of rape if it benefits her, and there are no better experts on understanding consent than TRP",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/g3o075/your_own_wife_will_accuse_you_of_rape_if_it/,32,stonoceno,2020-04-19 10:47:39 TheBluePill,g4eux2,MGTOW: Sex work doesn’t count as real work because it “isn’t gonna repair a generator”,,http://www.wehuntedthemammoth.com/2020/04/18/mgtow-sex-work-doesnt-count-as-real-work-because-it-isnt-gonna-repair-a-generator,4,BrazilianSigma,2020-04-19 20:32:19 TheBluePill,g3t1c5,"""Women hate your face. Women hate and despise your bad jawline, bad eye area, small insufficient dick, short height, or even tall height if you are ugly. Women hate every part of your body""",,http://archive.is/1YSsU,149,BrazilianSigma,2020-04-18 19:07:27 TheBluePill,g45qnj,"Women lie about loving intelligent men, MGTOW say",,https://np.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/fui96y/women_lie_about_loving_intelligent_men/,8,stonoceno,2020-04-19 10:49:13 TheBluePill,g3z0t8,""" Men missing out on their youth and teen love is never mentioned. All the focus is on stacies who once got molested in their childhood""",,http://archive.is/wip/JB5Rh,11,BrazilianSigma,2020-04-19 01:20:31 TheBluePill,g34hcm,"""A woman hits puberty when she's 11 or 12, not 18. If she's old enough to bleed, she's old enough to breed""",,http://archive.vn/1WWyS,290,BrazilianSigma,2020-04-17 15:45:42 TheBluePill,g3ai1h,"""The first thing that pops into man's head when he see's a young ageable female who is even remotely attractive, (subconsciously and/or consciously), is her naked and/or performing sex acts""",,http://archive.is/3HseM,38,BrazilianSigma,2020-04-17 21:05:18 TheBluePill,g374vy,Thought this would be of use here,,https://i.redd.it/8f9tfxob4ft41.jpg,31,satorsatyr,2020-04-17 18:04:09 TheBluePill,g3a3my,"""Unlike males who have mastered the art of warfare by developing weapons and combat strategies to achieve goals, females have mastered the art of warfare through language manipulation to achieve their goals""",,http://archive.vn/nShsv,20,BrazilianSigma,2020-04-17 20:43:32 TheBluePill,g2s2g5,Women would rather fuck dogs and horses than incels,,https://i.redd.it/8u7nvqz3u3t41.png,189,Jenn_There_Done_That,2020-04-17 01:12:14 TheBluePill,g2zpda,"TRP: Everything is sexual strategy, and that in no way is a narrow view nor is it actually depressing or weird",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/g2opjc/everything_is_sexual_strategy/,21,stonoceno,2020-04-17 10:50:41 TheBluePill,g2zl2b,"""Build status"" by planning to have friends, who apparently have nothing better to do, constantly interrupt your dates!",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/g26tr6/build_status_by_running_the_gauntlet/,5,stonoceno,2020-04-17 10:40:58 TheBluePill,g2a5sc,Why legalize prostitution? It would force mass behavior-modification in the Thot mass-whoring market!,,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/g24895/why_legalize_prostitution/,148,stonoceno,2020-04-16 07:14:02 TheBluePill,g2a7zu,"Men love idealistically, and here are parables that prove that women only dream of men, and men dream of EVERYTHING",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/g1uzbq/love_makes_a_fool_of_a_man_but_rarely_a_woman/,5,stonoceno,2020-04-16 07:18:54 TheBluePill,g2a6oc,"The Unbearable Femininity of Nazism... not, you know, the whole pro-genocide thing",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/g1vn1f/the_unbearable_femininity_of_nazism/,3,stonoceno,2020-04-16 07:15:57 TheBluePill,g23uyo,MGTOW in a nutshell (anyone else remember this?!),,https://youtu.be/xfeys7Jfnx8,2,existencedeclined,2020-04-15 23:54:50 TheBluePill,g1k43y,"MGTOW ideals seem to have reached Latin America, and they seem to be growing.","&#x200B; [A Facebook page called Monje MGTOW is spreading your usual MGTOW content, which claims to help men when in fact it is only doing more harm to them.](https://preview.redd.it/gkj94o4ohws41.png?width=645&format=png&auto=webp&s=d4a080a86a05c2a7099695e6a9d200ac0766babc)",,127,ABlokeCalledGeorge8,2020-04-15 03:26:47 TheBluePill,g1bpw6,"Classic: ""when women are allowed to choose, harems form""",,http://archive.vn/mkwHV,143,BrazilianSigma,2020-04-14 19:08:47 TheBluePill,g0uq42,"Fellas, is it gay? The definitive list of things that may or may not make you homosexual",,http://www.wehuntedthemammoth.com/2020/04/13/fellas-is-it-gay-the-definitive-list-of-things-that-may-or-may-not-make-you-homosexual/,120,BrazilianSigma,2020-04-13 23:58:58 TheBluePill,g0kljb,Modern women don't respect you because you respect them and they know they don't deserve respect,,https://np.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/g0daxf/modern_women_cant_respect_you_for_dating_them/,166,stonoceno,2020-04-13 15:01:56 TheBluePill,g0kmez,"28 is my cutoff age because this woman posted about saying ""no"" to sexual things she doesn't like",,https://np.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/g0btop/why_28_is_the_cut_off_for_the_women_i_date/,41,stonoceno,2020-04-13 15:03:16 TheBluePill,g0p6mv,"""Women also cause ugly men to feel lonely and a lot of them commit suicide and in the worst case, go ER""",,http://archive.vn/jFv0V,5,BrazilianSigma,2020-04-13 18:54:42 TheBluePill,g04n4o,"MGTOW notices women are nice to him in public during the global pandemic. States that this is only because females need a man to provide resources. Top comment says men should only “fuck prostitutes”, second to top comment blames women being nice on “the social cancer that is feminism”.",,/r/MGTOW2/comments/fwt0yx/the_pandemic_and_female_behavior/,197,Jenn_There_Done_That,2020-04-12 20:57:00 TheBluePill,g03f6i,The Joy of MGTOW Cooking (WHTM),,http://www.wehuntedthemammoth.com/2020/04/10/the-joy-of-mgtow-cooking-pancakes-and-hot-dogs-edition/#more-104027,109,stonoceno,2020-04-12 19:49:40 TheBluePill,g014z7,"When in doubt, check the r/niceguys comment section",,https://imgur.com/gallery/pSBE9ca,9,zacharyhoovery,2020-04-12 17:42:36 TheBluePill,fz61ya,It's not possible for women to be friends. No woman has friends. Only competition.,,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/fy067b/why_are_women_so_arrogant_towards_other_women/,59,stonoceno,2020-04-11 14:12:01 TheBluePill,fyv2iv,"""Standards for me, but not for thee""",,https://i.redd.it/bu0bitbptvr41.jpg,284,FoeHamma,2020-04-11 02:53:55 TheBluePill,fz5zk2,"The very real story of Lizzy, and the bad choices she makes that represent all women everywhere",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/fxuf8t/the_problem_with_female_promiscuity_the_sad_story/,8,stonoceno,2020-04-11 14:08:26 TheBluePill,fydgoz,"Research : ""Women with tattoos reported greater willingness to engage in uncommitted sexual relations."" lol needles = penis",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/fyaawm/research_women_with_tattoos_reported_greater/,183,stonoceno,2020-04-10 10:30:01 TheBluePill,fyj7ta,IncelTears seems to have been set to private. Does anyone know why?,"r/IncelTears seems to have been set to private. In their description it just says: That’s it. We’re done. Does anyone know what’s going on?",,8,Jenn_There_Done_That,2020-04-10 16:34:42 TheBluePill,fxosft,"TRP: Stop blaming women - ""This is a mans world. Whatever praise or blame you have for it, place it on men.""",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/fxmjot/stop_blaming_women/,157,stonoceno,2020-04-09 08:35:03 TheBluePill,fxot3e,How to stay in contact with people you don't care about: Remember that they can do you favors!,,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/fxmv1o/how_to_keep_in_touch_with_people_you_dont_care/,16,stonoceno,2020-04-09 08:36:35 TheBluePill,fx9opd,Why do men go to prison? According to MRAs it’s feminists fault.,,https://www.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/eh7mne/twotiered_justice_system_in_the_uk_men_are_sent/,154,[deleted],2020-04-08 16:32:58 TheBluePill,fx2e19,"""As a man, you should not need others"" - the kind of emotional isolation that is criticized of TRP",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/fx0qk6/as_a_man_you_should_not_need_others/,140,stonoceno,2020-04-08 08:01:08 TheBluePill,fwj7hb,Muh political agendas!,,https://i.redd.it/19cgnwouaar41.png,322,FoeHamma,2020-04-07 11:53:34 TheBluePill,fwxc4l,Is anyone familiar with this particular subreddit?,,https://www.reddit.com/r/FeminismStopsWhen/comments/fwt5pv/fsw_when_the_woman_who_started_metoo_changes_her/,13,[deleted],2020-04-08 01:42:50 TheBluePill,fwpbvu,MGTOW Scum defending Chris Watts (the Colorado guy who murdered his pregnant wife and two kids),"Post was from last year but still induces visceral disgust. Users in r/MGTOW defending Chris Watts. I remember back when the story broke it was a huge shock for the family and the community they family lived in. It's sickening that they have the audacity to sympathize with a man who murdered his kids. Regardless of the marital issues that were taking place, this is inexcusable. r/MGTOW post: http://imgur.com/gallery/OJQhrJ4",,40,BajaBlast90,2020-04-07 18:05:11 TheBluePill,fwmopz,Oh lord this MRA channel.,,https://youtube.com/channel/UCpWtKTWRba8nSd8nX6h2z7Q/featured,10,[deleted],2020-04-07 15:42:20 TheBluePill,fwkk37,"Red Pill Lord Debate (""you have breedable features"")",,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-W2JUXSw_iM,6,BreadTubeForever,2020-04-07 13:32:04 TheBluePill,fvydev,"Amish girls don't twerk, eat hot chip & lie...",,https://imgur.com/ZjAuzFk,521,FoeHamma,2020-04-06 13:04:22 TheBluePill,fwabha,"""Misogyny does not exist. : LeftWingMaleAdvocates"" .... oh joy",,http://archive.fo/0rhny,13,[deleted],2020-04-07 00:20:15 TheBluePill,fvy7j6,"Ironic, since there's a lot of overlap between incels and anti-semites...",,https://i.redd.it/ni6xogmvi6r41.jpg,58,FoeHamma,2020-04-06 12:53:13 TheBluePill,fvucbq,"Men love emotionally, women love sexually",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/fvoz97/men_love_emotionally_women_love_sexually/,50,stonoceno,2020-04-06 07:30:13 TheBluePill,fvzavs,The Rise of the Dogpill,,https://medium.com/@vaushvidya/the-rise-of-the-dogpill-465e3b11cd61,10,nedolya,2020-04-06 14:04:04 TheBluePill,fvfwr2,"RPW describe the value their husbands bring to their lives, and it's sweet. I have never seen the same type of post on MRP.",,https://np.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/fusven/what_value_does_your_man_bring_to_your_life/,121,stonoceno,2020-04-05 15:53:16 TheBluePill,fv555y,Stefan Molyneux Speaks At A Literal Incel Convention,,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ovoWp-ih3yU,158,FoeHamma,2020-04-05 01:08:56 TheBluePill,fv5dwy,I think I actually invented crying incel dude in 6th grade...,,https://imgur.com/P267YSv,53,[deleted],2020-04-05 01:25:36 TheBluePill,fv9tx5,"A wall of words to say that women are bad at everything, except liking babies, because they are babies, and there's nothing creepy about what that implies, no sir",,https://np.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/fu3k1v/have_you_swallowed_the_red_chewable_tablet/,14,stonoceno,2020-04-05 07:19:41 TheBluePill,fvbkgr,Male-Female Dynamics in Church - RPChristians,,https://np.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/fnuozy/malefemale_dynamics_in_church/,6,stonoceno,2020-04-05 10:10:58 TheBluePill,fuv2m3,"Girl does cocaine, so AWALT, also, maybe our posts in TRP are confirmation bias that women act like this because we specifically choose really young women who are trying everything for the first time? No, probably AWALT",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/fu5aly/female_solipsism_at_its_finest_example/,72,stonoceno,2020-04-04 14:58:48 TheBluePill,fukhax,SJWs ruined Resident Evil 3!,,https://i.redd.it/wqhuyxvg5mq41.jpg,457,FoeHamma,2020-04-04 01:04:07 TheBluePill,fuv1bx,"There's a pandemic, but really, how will this affect your standing as a man with your texts????",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/ftmh9i/how_covid19_will_break_all_your_plates_and_more/,19,stonoceno,2020-04-04 14:56:27 TheBluePill,fukifv,"SJWs ruined Resident Evil 3, PART 2!",,https://i.redd.it/pyfux1bcjjq41.png,22,FoeHamma,2020-04-04 01:06:18 TheBluePill,fu4mfg,"TRP suddenly approves of something in Malaysia, a country where about 60 percent of people are Muslim",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/ftpth8/malaysias_got_your_back_fam/,112,stonoceno,2020-04-03 08:29:34 TheBluePill,fu7osr,"""Incels, Feminists, and the Mentality of Abusers"" oh God LWMA are implying that Feminism help enable abusers.... on now their getting into a debate about gamergate in comments....",,http://archive.fo/ciJ1U,9,[deleted],2020-04-03 12:38:50 TheBluePill,fu4n1p,WOMEN WILL TRY TO MAKE YOU FAT AND THEN HATE YOU,,http://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/ftmmfy/ltrs_and_the_food_trap/,10,stonoceno,2020-04-03 08:31:10 TheBluePill,ftklr6,"Best of RP: Beware of Beta Bait (if she doesn't immediately fawn over your manliness, it was a test)",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/ftg1jn/beware_of_beta_bait/,88,stonoceno,2020-04-02 11:18:24 TheBluePill,ft2f8c,"The fine gentlemen of WhereAreAllTheGoodMen discuss women turning to online sex work during quarantine, “I hope they all get the rope.” The comments are just as bad.",,https://i.redd.it/d1if0lxdc5q41.jpg,263,Jenn_There_Done_That,2020-04-01 15:57:46 TheBluePill,ftag9p,"""Personally I prefer how easy it is to manipulate and control younger partners."" Oops, RPer lost his filter!",,https://np.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/ft81bl/how_to_explain_to_parents_why_i_prefer_to_date/,75,[deleted],2020-04-01 22:45:21 TheBluePill,fticms,TRP poorly supported theories promote dangerous political narratives CMV," TRP directly and indirectly promotes dangerous and reactionary political narratives. The final conclusion of TRP is usually not that ""people should do whatever they want in life"", it is that women (and to a lesser degree men) should be controlled for the good of ""western civilization"". Here are some examples of some popular Red Pill theories and how they lead to neoreactionaryism or even fascism: 1)""Women become alpha widows and thus ruined for life""----> women should be controlled by their fathers and married off at an early age to avoid alpha widowhood. 2)""Women are inherently more irrational than men and more disloyal towards their nation""---->Women shouldn't vote. 3)""Women are overconfident/think they're too good for the average man""---> Women should be taught humility at an early age (never mind that research shows that men have a higher confidence than women on average) [https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/fpdfur/femininity\_is\_trust\_humility\_and\_submission\_aka/](https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/fpdfur/femininity_is_trust_humility_and_submission_aka/) Look at this post. The implication is that women should be groomed since an early age to be submissive and obedient to men. It basically *glorifies* a system when women HAD to obey their fathers and husbands and had little choice in the matter. It glorifies a system where women were treated like property and were expected to put up with literal abuse, just because. How is this not neoreactionary? Now look at this comment. [https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/5ckh1e/biggest\_failed\_shit\_test\_in\_history\_womens/](https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/5ckh1e/biggest_failed_shit_test_in_history_womens/) >I don't understand how people in this sub both believe that women are children, they act out of emotions, women's hypergamic instincts destabilise society, they are solipsistic, they politicise the personal, men are leaders and think women voting are completely fine. Even in the manipulated men, Esther Vilar talks about how husbands were voting in favor of their wives and mothers, and there was covert matriarchy in a facade of patriarchy. For example, pushing the age of consent to older ages, so that comparatively older women have lesser competition. Please remember that voting is overrated and does not do much anyway. The quantity of voters increased does not make a direct difference, the percentage of quality voters do. Imagine you're in a crowd of 90 imbecile people and 10 well educated people. If an election was to go on, then you would be concerned with improving the percentage of quality voters, the 10 people. You would not advocate for all 100 voting, unless you are a machiavellian motherfucker trying to mind control 90 people so the vote goes in your favor. I know this argument can be abused to further any agenda, like the way Hillary supporters see Trump supporters (they are white neckbeard bigots of low IQ), or vica versa but you know deep in your heart that this is the objective truth. This is the final conclusion of TRP. Keep in mind that these theories are poorly supported and often based on anecdotal evidence at best. Yet TRPillers still treat them as gospel and even base their politics on them. When you think about this, it's no surprise that many prominent Red Pillers are hard right. People need to be more aware of TRP to alt-right pipeline! Note: This post was deleted from PPD because apparently the mods there don't allow ""political rants"" even if they're there to challenge RP theory.",,12,[deleted],2020-04-02 07:58:45 TheBluePill,ftkptf,"Terpr: The App, and peak manly humor",,http://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/ft6572/terpr_the_official_app_of_trp_docile_subservient/,4,stonoceno,2020-04-02 11:28:06 TheBluePill,ft6llz,Red pill teen here,"Why do men of the blue pill hate the red pill? ( and like the blue pill so much?",,1,cameronthenofapper,2020-04-01 19:16:52 TheBluePill,fscfrx,How do women get brainwashed by TRP?,"Really curious to hear your thoughts on this one since I'm really confused/horrified. Or maybe you can refer me to another thread talking about this... Essentially, I (F) found out that a girl I was friends with in high school has done a complete 180 and is now a right wing homemaker. Before, when I knew her, she was a feminist, opinionated, liberal, career oriented, very sweet, wanted to be lawyer and was openly bisexual. She bravely dated both men and women in high school despite all the bullying. Our friend group really admired her. But then she went to a college out of state and we never heard from her again. I'll admit that I was kind of into her and upset that she didn't stay in touch, she was definitely on of the prettiest girls at our high school. Another friend we had in high school ran into her at pre-Corona mall and now we all know and are bamboozled by what's she like. She didn't do law school and stopped her career. Now, she's a ""traditional homemaker"" to an older man who from what I've learned is clearly a typical TRP guy based on what we creeped of his social media. Lots of sharing of conservative political posts etc. Apparently she works part-time at a wedding dress boutique and does freelancing for religious magazines. She's also most likely now in the closet. TLDR: How do woke, intelligent women get brainwashed by TRP and then completely change so drastically? Help me get it.",,271,ellieglitter55,2020-03-31 12:57:12 TheBluePill,fsglhi,MGTOW on why women don't mature mentally past 18,,https://np.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/fs9yz3/women_dont_mature/,11,stonoceno,2020-03-31 16:59:27 TheBluePill,fshej7,Feminism has all but crumbled in a matter of weeks,,https://np.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/fs7smk/a_movement_for_spoiled_entitled_girls/,9,stonoceno,2020-03-31 17:41:49 TheBluePill,frrvt4,"What incels need to hear, but what they don't want to hear",,https://i.imgur.com/iiYY6UD.jpg,650,FoeHamma,2020-03-30 14:34:42 TheBluePill,fs3sss,A new incel ban evasion sub,,https://i.redd.it/5bov4cb1qvp41.jpg,28,Jenn_There_Done_That,2020-03-31 01:32:56 TheBluePill,frnis2,"TRP Classics: Why you shouldn't explain female nature to women (and it's not because you're a dingus and ""female nature"" is not a thing)",,https://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/fozubg/why_you_shouldnt_explain_female_nature_to_women/,90,stonoceno,2020-03-30 09:17:50 TheBluePill,frnk87,"A letter to women from Men about how men are the masters of time and women are the masters of space and men are just cooler, you guys",,http://np.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/fpdfur/femininity_is_trust_humility_and_submission_aka/fln7kgf/,25,stonoceno,2020-03-30 09:21:47 TheBluePill,fr678t,"The classic ""All girls are bitches/Why don't girls like me?"" dichotomy",,/r/justneckbeardthings/comments/fqp2k3/is_it_okay_for_a_guy_to_become_an_incel/,181,FoeHamma,2020-03-29 13:53:47 TheBluePill,fr8cv8,TRP would never tell their mothers,"So I'll start off by saying that I'm not exactly new to this concept of a *glorious* self-seeking lifestyle. It's been about a good year or two since I found a YouTube comment that peaked my curiosity enough for me to fall down the rabbit hole, resulting in my discovery of the Incel/MGTOW/RedPill/whatever you want to call it, community. Ever since then, I've spent many hours observing and reading countless MGTOW threads and posts out of boredom. How much must a man endure and put up with before he *comes to his senses* and sees women for what they truly are? Do the majority of TRP actually believe and commit to this *enlightened* lifestyle? Is it mostly locker room talk and satire? Who knows. Fortunately for me however, I grew up with enough common sense to realize that you shouldn't antagonize half of the population based on past experiences for a false sense of worth and superiority. Often I scan over these boards and either laugh, sigh, or lose faith in humanity. Sometimes all three at once, I like to call that the ""Doomer Combo."" All joking aside there was one thing that was missing amid all of the revenge rape fantasies and the blue pill stories, and I noticed it. From my viewing experience, barely anyone in MGTOW or TRP ever talked about their **mothers**. Despite that many in TRP claim that they are much older than they probably are, I would bet a fair amount that at least 40% of the subs active posters still live with their parents, specifically their mother. It's always been a hilarious thought in the back of my head when I read them ""*Damn these guys talk a lot of big game online but I wonder if they would actually say all of this shit straight to their mom or grandma's face*"" **Hell no!** MGTOW is filled with cowards. They can hide behind the anonymity of the internet spewing pseudo-science filled claims of finding *enlightenment* about the true nature of women and the world. They simply can't hold on to these radical ideals in reality without their precious little echo chamber of bitter souls encouraging it. But prove me wrong if you dare. I know that TRP members scrutinize this board all the time, so if you're one of them, I dare you to tell your mother how worthless and void of value she is as a woman beyond reproduction. Say it to the **woman** who provided and still most likely provides for you (and most likely the only one to give you proper attention which possibly resulted in you having a damaged enough psyche to be persuaded into TRP's cult-like community, but enough rambling.) Show me that you're confident enough in the Red Pill ideology to be able to read it out straight to her face, *with video footage for proof, also bonus points for your grandmother*. Prove to me that you won't cease to be a **real** Red Pill'er once you leave the safety of your computer screen to help your mommy outside with the groceries. You talk about it all the time with your internet buddies right? Let's see how she feels. Well that was a fun write up. I can't wait to see that never happen because they're too pussy to do it, but anything is worth waiting for a good laugh. Thanks Pumpkins",,33,Paiphu,2020-03-29 16:16:28 TheBluePill,fr7ptj,"Why should I have any respect for people in porn? Also, I'm gonna consume a lot of it, and for free.",,https://np.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/fqzoji/nobody_deserves_respect_without_earning_it/,38,stonoceno,2020-03-29 15:36:50 TheBluePill,fr7lxh,"MGTOW not understanding emotional labor, which is shocking and out of character",,https://np.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/fqtkou/woman_complains_about_how_mentally_tiring_it_is/,35,stonoceno,2020-03-29 15:29:50 TheBluePill,fr7o0v,"""Keep dishing it back to women on dating apps, they need to know how obnoxious they are and get called out for it."" - she literally just listed her job.",,https://np.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/fqutlf/jennifer_34_quality_inspector_at_boeing/,28,stonoceno,2020-03-29 15:33:29 TheBluePill,fqkksj,"Incels: ""Coronavirus deployed by evil sluts, hellbent on incel murder, and I guess we now think murder is bad JUST KIDDING it's good for sluts but not us""",,http://www.wehuntedthemammoth.com/2020/03/26/incel-evil-sluts-are-murdering-us-by-spreading-the-virus-and-they-think-its-a-joke/,243,stonoceno,2020-03-28 13:53:45 TheBluePill,fqn86b,"Nazis only have sex in one position, because it's natural, and also, how dare you gain any pleasure from it",,http://www.wehuntedthemammoth.com/2020/03/27/why-you-shouldnt-have-sex-with-a-nazi-according-to-a-nazi/,15,stonoceno,2020-03-28 16:21:41 TheBluePill,fq17qq,"MGTOW: Women need to be controlled, we are boring and terrible, ad nauseum",,https://np.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/fp01qi/women_need_to_be_controlled/,172,stonoceno,2020-03-27 17:25:17 TheBluePill,fqam3p,How will Redpillers react to most Health professionals being women?,,,34,[deleted],2020-03-28 01:31:19 TheBluePill,fpiuo5,"As world struggles to stop deaths, far right celebrates COVID-19",,https://www.aljazeera.com/indepth/features/world-struggles-stop-deaths-celebrates-covid-19-200326165545387.html,158,stonoceno,2020-03-26 20:20:40 TheBluePill,fpbxt3,MGTOW: Why MGTOW still talks about women instead of going their own way.,,https://np.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/fp4myx/why_mgtow_still_talks_about_women_instead_of_just/,241,stonoceno,2020-03-26 13:58:48 TheBluePill,fpdgfl,Fun policing,"Have you noticed the tendency of RedPill/Alt-Right members of policing other's fun? Videogames are bad and famous franchises are evil, everyone should live a near monastic life with strict religion (usually some denominaton of Christianity) observance, crazy lifting routines, ""high"", complex (and boring for the most) forms on entertainment such as classic literature. In part I can relate with them, I think that it's great to strive to improve yourself and everyone can get benefits from some form of workout but I think that their competitive view of self improvement is ridiculous: I'd rather improve myself learning to play the guitar or investing some of my free time into improving in my trade rather that burn my limited brainpower reading ""classic literature"" which for me has a low entertainment/effort ratio and unlike practical skill such as coding or investing has a near 0 future return of investment, I'd rather enjoy an hike or a cycling trip with a firend rather than getting into ""real man sports"" such as lifting or hunting and when it comes time to relax and enjoy entertainment I don't care if it's ""high art"" if listening comedy rock or watching YTPs entertains me more, not everything needs to have an educational value. I write here to ask if someone else noticed this trend.",,17,EmSa1998,2020-03-26 15:29:49 TheBluePill,fpgtof,"*Incels, Feminists, and the Mentality of Abusers* ""Am I saying that all feminists are abusers? Of course not. Am I saying that they have the same attitude towards men that abusers do,... and that feminists’ casual misandry helps create and empower abusers? Abso-fucking-lutely.""",,http://archive.fo/QmfPy,6,[deleted],2020-03-26 18:29:55 TheBluePill,fpc8q4,"Low-hanging fruit and AWALT: ""Just because I'm from America im a foreigner to you?"" (in the Czech Republic)",,https://np.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/foeckm/should_i_move_to_a_red_state_in_the_us_or_czech/fler2zz/,14,stonoceno,2020-03-26 14:17:47 TheBluePill,foxyxo,"In the midst of a global pandemic, MGTOWs are yelling about women with nose rings :: We Hunted The Mammoth",,http://www.wehuntedthemammoth.com/2020/03/24/in-the-midst-of-a-global-pandemic-mgtows-are-yelling-about-women-with-nose-rings/#more-86108,235,BrazilianSigma,2020-03-25 20:50:14 TheBluePill,fomjsj,"“Women are such rubbish. I can’t wait until scientists create artificial fetus incubation booths so these whores can be stripped of their worth and cast aside like the inconveniences they are” “Based, if women didn’t have holes between their legs and make our dicks hard we’d hunt them for sport.”",,https://i.redd.it/3nnlpejn0so41.jpg,306,Jenn_There_Done_That,2020-03-25 08:05:59 PurplePillDebate,1ai0n6b,N COUNTS WEEKLY DISCUSSION THREAD,"&#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/3aHh4trC7B) Include your reddit username, pill color, age and gender when you arrive in the welcome mat to introduce yourself and help people get to know you. &#x200B; You can also find Mrs\_Drgree on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/?hl=en) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree) for notifications on when good threads are posted.",,4,AutoModerator,2024-02-03 17:00:12 PurplePillDebate,1aiev5i,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, personal advice and memes in this thread. Here you can post everything that doesn't warrant its own thread or just do some socializing. Personal advice posting, research posts, non-TOS breaking rants, links to other locations with limited context as conversation topics **(must use np links for reddit)**, and things would be considered low effort posts are allowed in the daily thread. **Do not bring other PPD threads into the daily thread. Do not post PPD threads deserving of their own post in the daily thread.** The intent of the daily thread is not that it should replace PPD and become a place where users can avoid the rules of the subreddit. Attempting to do this will be considered circlejerking and moderated as such. **Black Pill/Incel Content/Woe-Is-Me is still banned in the daily thread. Witch hunting and insults are also still banned in the daily thread. Relegated topics must still go to in the weekly threads for those topics.** Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,4,AutoModerator,2024-02-04 04:00:56 PurplePillDebate,1aiech8,How do you avoid desperation and despair as you get older?,"Few things are less attractive than desperation and bitterness, yet those are the natural consequences of ongoing frustration and disappointment in the dating world - not only difficulties meeting people but getting mislead, ghosted, bread crumbed, stood up, let down and fucked around, it takes its toll I’ve always felt deep down that I’ll end up with a lady who I find beautiful inside out. Honestly I won’t settle for anything less, and while this might sound arrogant, as a good looking, intelligent, kind hearted guy I don’t think I’m being unreasonable by setting a high bar (although nobody should knowingly settle and it’s better to be alone than with someone who you had to compromise to be with) With the said I’m nearing 30 now and for the first time I’ve began to feel the claws of desperation and despair digging in as I begin to wonder where the fuck I’m going to meet her, and entertaining the possibility that I might never. Dating apps have completely stopped bearing fruit, I’m not sure what the fuck happened but the profiles in my stack are either fake bimbos plugging their social media or sex sites, or frankly low quality women who are frightfully ugly or clearly mentally deficient or Ill - there are very few wholesome profiles these days and girl next door tier women who seem cute, humble, interesting etc. Until about a year back there were plenty although they’ve been diminishing since 2020z And even if we match the response rate is about 10% these days. Getting someone out on a date is like cutting teeth whereas it used to be the natural progression of matching, and my approach hasn’t changed. Im not going for 18-21 year olds either, I’ve got my range set between 25 and 35. The apps have become repugnantly greedy as well. Pieces of shit preying on men’s desperation, claiming they’re all about helping people meet. Why would the app be designed to be deleted? What type of fucking business model is that? What fools do they take us for? Friends don’t know anyone they could link me up with and they don’t go out much anymore. The one time my friend set me up with someone she turned out to be nuttier than a fruitcake. Work is a no go right now. I have no qualms with dipping my penis in company ink, that’s how my parents met after all, but I don’t work with a single woman at the moment ( or even a married woman) I’m done with bars and clubs for the most part. My approach is all about verbal flirting so I’ve never thrived in those environments and I can’t compete with guys who love dancing. I’m trying to cut down drinking and keep a tight fist on my wallet these days as well. And the odds of finding someone looking for more than a shit drunken fuck are not in my favour. I’ve had no luck with volunteering or coed sports. I’ve met a lot of great people and had cool experiences so it certainly wasn’t a waste of time, but there were no single women with mutual attraction. I’d rather not join yoga classes and shit in but really interested in purely to meet women. It just feels a bit slimy. I’ve taken to just chatting up women out and about because even though it can be fraught and the chances of it working are slim, it feels like the best shot I’ve got to actually meet women I find beautiful and friendly - usually I’ll wait until they’ve smiled or were having some conversation then if they seem reciprocate I’ll ask them out, rather than chasing women down ripping out their earphones to profess my adoration. Reading nonverbal cues and Knowing when to fuck off is critical here as well and I think it’s a large part of the reason why most women are so reluctant to engage with guys. I’ve had a few dates this way but it’s not ideal. But you can see how the despair starts to creep in. I refuse to drop my standards because I’ve met a handful of women across my life who do tick my boxes - of course they’ve all been taken or it hasn’t worked for one reason or another, but when we’re talking about a (hopefully) lifelong relationship, compromising to be with someone you’re not really that physically attracted to or don’t share the same humour or values with or something seems like building a house on a rotten foundation. How of you stave off the bitterness and desperation ? I bow out of the dating game for a while every so often but as soon as I step back into the ring it’s the same old shit, actually it’s usually gotten worse (I workout, see a therapist, try to improve myself blah blah blah) ",,23,StaticNocturne,2024-02-04 03:32:32 PurplePillDebate,1aigdg6,"Is it wrong to ""settle"" because you can't get what you really want?","I wanted to discuss this from the **male's perspective**. There's often a lot of discussion on here about settling in regards to a women's perspective i.e. dating in their 20's then settling for a ""beta provider"" as her options deteriorate. After reading a post on here where an 'average' man was complaining about dating and he said that he would settle for any girl as long as she wasn't overweight - many women on here were offended and said how bad they'd feel if they knew a guy was ""settling"" for them or the guy was only with them because they were his last option, or because he couldn't do any better or because he just doesn't want to be lonely. Although I understand why this would be offensive, is it really that wrong to have that perspective? As a man we often need to just take what we can get. Is it wrong to do this though? Assuming you treat your partner with well and with respect, then is it that bad just taking what you can get? rather than just being alone forever? or holding out for a women that you'll probably never be able to get?",,8,ShelterNo2786,2024-02-04 05:26:42 PurplePillDebate,1ai3oiz,Who are the type of young women who date older men? Most women I knew when I was early 20s were chasing hot college boys.,"Genuinely curious. I'm currently 29, but I went to college from 2012-2016 and then on to grad school. Granted, I wasn't super popular, but I knew a good number of women just by being a open-minded, friendly woman. The hot, outgoing women with healthy self-esteem from 18-25 were almost always in a stable relationship with a guy around their same age. The above average outgoing women with self-esteem issues typically got roped into the ""pseudoharems"" we see on a lot of college campuses. Casual sex was a thing, but it was always with age-appropriate men. The fat or nerdy young women really didn't have much sex unless they had a bf. They seemed to be forgotten when it came to casual sex just because there were so many willing average to above average women who were readily available. The crushes the single girls had were always men in our classes, occasionally TAs/professors, but that was mostly just a fantasy to us. I never heard of a woman actually sleeping with a professor. One of my friends was asked out by our chemistry TA who was maybe 3-5 years older. They went on a few dates and that was it. He tried sleeping with her but she declined. probably happened quite frequently to other girls, but as far as I know, it never became a relationship. See, when you're in college you're typically in this micro-universe. All that you know and all that you desire are within the confines of the college campus. It's hard to explain unless you're another young person who has been in college. Now that I'm 29 I've branched out in terms of my friend groups and meet a lot of women who were NOT in college from 18-25. One of them stated that she started dating older men pretty soon after high school. Is this the type of girl that the older men in their 40s and up are targeting?? She states she mostly did it for nice gifts and occasional financial help. There seems to be this idea that men over 35 can almost exclusively date women under 25. Where is this idea coming from? Is it reserved for famous people? I know someone like BJ novak doesn't commit to mindy kaling because he apparently can pull very young women, but he's literally been on the office and maybe these girls are thinking it can help their own careers or give them a status boost. Can an ordinary man over 35 actually pull young women though, for either casual sex or a relationship? And if so, who are these women? What are their prospects?",,50,ZealousEx,2024-02-03 19:13:52 PurplePillDebate,1aif21k,CMV. The social stigma of getting a paternity test should not exist.,"I am talking about post birth paternity tests. Yes I know you can just do it in secret (so long as you don't live in France). That is not the point of the post. Please do not respond with ""hurr durr just do it in secret you autist"". I am arguing that you shouldn't have to do it in secret, as the negative judgement for getting a paternity test is not justified. I tell my partners that I will get a paternity test if they get pregnant, and if they negatively respond and tell me they won't want me to do that, then I don't engage in sex with them, so this is not an issue that affects me, so please don't condescendingly respond as if I don't know how to navigate this issue IRL. **Please don't downvote my post just because you disagree with it. I tried to make it well thought out. I am responding thoughtfully and in good faith to all comments. If you disagree, please reply to this post and we can have a civil discussion.** Here are some arguments for why paternity tests are reasonable. This is a debate on the reasonableness of paternity tests. 1. Precautionary measures are not an accusation. Barcode scanners when you walk out of a shop are not an accusation of stealing. Airline security is not an accusation that you are a terrorist. 2. Many people trust their partners 100% just to get cheated on. Trust doesn't mean jack shit. 3. Up to 2-4% of fathers are raising kids that are not theirs. Most of these guys trusted their partner and so ""you should trust your partner don't get a paternity test"" doesn't mean shit. For little cost they could have prevented it. 4. An analogous scenario where a paternity test would be reasonable: Let's say that you are hypothetically a women (the type of woman that has a vagina). Your best friend works at the hospital and turns out to be your nurse for the day. She helps you give birth and handles your baby as you leave the room, suddenly sick. You haven't had a chance to see the baby yet. When you come back, she gives the baby to you. The next day you go home with the baby. You get a text message from the hospital that 2% of the babies had been swapped by one of the nurses at the hospital in the last year, they just found out and they don't know who did it and are investigating. You go and get a paternity test on your baby. It confirms that it is your baby. Your friend is the only nurse that handled your baby. She is furious at you. She cuts you out of her life. I think that you getting the paternity test was reasonable and that she was wrong for cutting you out of her life. 5. An analogous scenario 2: You are buying a house from your friend. They say they already got it inspected by the best inspector in the state, so you don't have to. You contact the inspector and ask them to send you the result of the inspection. They say that the house is OK. Then you buy the house. They found out and are furious. They say, ""How dare you accuse me of trying to scam you"" and cut you out of their life. I think this is comparable to getting a paternity test and I think both are reasonable precautions to take. 6. Prenups: If your partner asks for a cheating clause in a prenup, I don't think that that is an accusation that you cheated on them or would cheat on them (let's say hypothetically it's legally admissible idgaf). I think it is reasonable, if anything just for peace of mind even if you trust them 100% and and ""know"" they won't cheat on you. This is comparable to paternity tests I think. Lets say that the cheating clause is extended to the period of time before you were married (idgaf if it's not admissible). 7. Sometimes it takes a scenario involving a family member for you to empathise with an issue. Let's see if you can empathize with your hypothetical son. Lets say that your hypothetical son asks you for advice. His wife just gave birth and he wants to get a paternity test on their child. He says he knows she hasn't cheated on him, but just wants the peace of mind so he can be the best father he can be. What do you tell him? Do you scold him for not ""trusting"" his wife? If you do tell him off, and if he listens to you and doesn't get the paternity test, then what happens in 18 years when the baby is an adult and in this scenario they find out that your hypothetical son isn't the father? When your son gets divorced and loses his house, would you feel empathy for him for the fact he gave so much to raise a child that isn't his for someone that cheated on him because of you? A simple test could have prevented that, yet you naively told him against it. He now cuts you off and goes no-contact. Do you think that's fair of him to do? If he remarries and has another kid, would you support him getting a paternity test? 8. If you think getting a paternity test deserves negatively judgement, then would you still negatively judge someone that got a paternity test on the newborn child only to find out that the child is not theirs? I can see NO reason to negatively judge someone for a paternity test that relieved them of fathering a kid that is not theirs. This can happen even if the husband 100% trusted his wife. Just like we shouldn't MMQB sports and judge detroit for going for the 4th down conversion based off of the result of the action, instead we should judge the decision to go for the action itself. We shouldn't judge someone's action of getting a paternity test based off the result, but rather on the action itself. It shouldn't be conditionally justified if the kid is not yours, and not justified if the kid is yours. That is MMQBing. It should be justified in both cases. Just like Dan Campbell shouldn't be judged for his decision to go for the 4th down conversion differently if it fails than to if it succeeds. 9. If I went off for a very long work trip and came back, and my wife asked for a STD test and we both got one, I would not be offended at all, in fact I would want to do one for her so she could have the peace of mind. 10. If a magically genie came down to my wife and told her he can tell her if I have EVER cheated on her, all she has to do is ask it, and she asked me what she should do, I would 100% tell her to ask it! Give her the peace of mind! I would not at all be offended. ***Furthermore, to see how ridiculous some of the responses are to a paternity test request, I'll come up with a AITA post.*** \----------------------- A magically genie came down to my wife and told her he can tell her if I have EVER cheated on her, all she has to do is ask it and the genie would tell her the answer and nothing else would happen. She asked if I had cheated on her. The genie told her that I had never cheated on her, then disappeared. She told me about the genie. I became enraged. I divorced her on the spot and took the kid to my mother's house. I said ""How dare you accuse me of cheating you misandrist piece of shit. You are so insecure. You don't trust me? Fuck you incel bitch you are never seeing your kid again"". I then left overseas with the kid and got full custody and she pays me $8000 a month in child support. I heard she is almost going homeless and I love it. All my male friends support me. AITA? **This is the exact equivalent and here you can see how ridiculous the negative response currently had by society to paternity tests is.** 11. It makes sense for males to biologically have an intense interest in the paternity of their children. Animals are known to kill infants that they suspect are not theirs ([https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Infanticide\_(zoology)](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Infanticide_(zoology)) \- when the male alpha is killed, ALL of the infants in the tribe are killed, before the new male alpha reproduces with ALL of the females) and before you say, hurr durr men are evil killing kids hurr durr, women commit infanticide at a higher rate ([https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4846035/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4846035/)). In points 9 and 10 I pointed out how in the opposite scenario, where my wife would have doubts, I would want her to have the peace of mind and wouldn't be offended. I see no reason not to allow the father to have peace of mind. 12. Lets go off of game theory. Now people respond emotionally and not rationally (see prisoner's dilemma) so let's do a table to settle this once and for all. ||Kid is yours (98%)|Kid is not yours (2%)| |:-|:-|:-| |Paternity test|nothing|Saved from 18 years and hundreds of thousands of dollars and a completely derailed life. Now you can go find the actual love of your life| |No paternity test|nothing|nothing| Clearly, the only right answer is to get the paternity test. There is ONLY a benefit to getting a paternity test. Now, extrapolate this to thousands or millions of people, and for the net good of the world, game theory says everyone should get a paternity test. /arguments Regarding empathy, I think that if even 1% of women in America turned out to be raising kids that weren't theirs, it would become a national issue immediately and would be pushed to the front of the election cycle with billions invested to ending such fraud. (I know it's not comparable or realistic because mothers know the kid is theirs). But since it affects men, nobody cares. The rate of fraud is up to 2-4%: [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1733152/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1733152/) >Rates vary between studies from 0.8% to 30% (median 3.7%, n = 17). And yet some countries like France consider the position of a father raising a kid that's not his and spending upwards of 6 figures, to be not important, with the most important issue of paternity fraud deemed to be how it affects the mother. >Public health consequences of PD being exposed include family break up and violence Now, all this being said, I think mandatory paternity testing in places where abortion is encouraged would NOT be politically passable, as the mothers would just abort the kids after getting pregnant from cheating and when no PDs are reported, it would be scrapped. My conclusion is that the social stigma of getting a paternity test should not exist. CMV please.",,10,AdSpecialist3990,2024-02-04 04:11:43 PurplePillDebate,1ai93ni,"I don’t understand, it seems like women don’t have to do much work or “real” work to become attractive/ have sex with atrractive men she’s attracted to and sexually attracted to","Hear me out, why does personality and “game” even matter for women if she’s just trying to get laid??? Why do we have to play this game of saying certain words or making her get in a certain mood with words for or the guy having to be in a certain mood and saying certain words to make her sexually attracted to you??? And why is it way different for guys? From a sex standpoint for us to even want to have sex with you or get sexually attracted to you it’s strictly looks and mainly body (depending who you are) or even get aroused or attracted to women yes personality matters also but barely…. Especially when it comes to just sex personality barely matters why though?? Ik a lot of average and slightly below average women all they have to do is go to the gym and make there body physically appealing and there gonna be extremely attractive and there body count is automatically gonna go up by a lot Like why can’t a woman just see a tall nice physique toned body but average in the face guy big dick but doesn’t know how to talk to women gets scared when talking to women makes conversations and interactions in general awkward and boring and other “bad flaws” but fucks good like why can’t she just fuck that guy? Instead of him having to play this mind game of acting talking and being a certain way for her to get aroused then he gets to have sex basically a challenge for men. Why does it seem like to make a woman want to have sex with you or even be attracted to you it’s like you have to play this mind game first like get her mind right then she’s gonna want you ",,19,Alternative_Eye_2799,2024-02-03 23:14:20 PurplePillDebate,1ai8t31,"Ladies, who aren't in college or school, and got a boyfriend in the last 12 months, where and how did you meet him?","Me and the fellas are talking about where and how to meet women. Some are suggesting we go to bars, some say online, some say work etc. In this day in age I'm curious on where people meet women, that is appropriate and makes the most sense. Figured I'd gather some relevant data from women themselves! Only those who didn't meet your s/o in school and recently got into a relationship please 🙌 your age doesn't matter you can be 20 or 40 idc just want to hear your opinions. The reason we're excluding school is because it's the most obvious and common and this is to give guys who didn't find that special someone before graduation an idea on where/how to meet women that is appropriate.",,13,LastBlackSamurai99,2024-02-03 23:01:09 PurplePillDebate,1ahys3a,We do not live in a “hookup” culture and the amount of casual sex going on is grossly exaggerated,"Do people hook up? Of course, but it’s nothing like people depict it online. The running narrative would have you believe there is some wild orgy going on which, if you aren’t part taking in there must be something wrong with you. Most hooking up is done between people who meet organically, through work/school/mutuals. A fair number meet online, but this idea that the younger generation of girls is racking up b0dy c0vnts in the 30s by the age of 25 is just nonsense. Study after study has shown both men and women have fewer than 10 sex partners on average in their lifetime. This is for one obvious reason - men and women have completely different sex drives. Men are insatiable, they are much hornier than women and if they could they’d have unlimited partners. Women are mostly monogamous and disinterested in casual sex.",,31,The-Loop,2024-02-03 15:37:10 PurplePillDebate,1aiidmx,What do you think about the SMV flip?,"I been curious lately about what you all think about the basic Red Pill beliefs. So I want to ask you lovely ladies of PPD what do you think about the SMV flip. The idea that men become more valuable with age, women become less valuable, and now/then men become the ones with the higher SMV. Do you all agree or disagree with it? Is it something that you think will affect your dating life when you get older? Because at this point it's become Red Pill gospel. Now that im getting any older many Red Pill friends I have that are my age believe that now they are the ones with the power. Many men that probably would have been a beta bucks by now in the pre Red Pill world now see themselves as high value men. I can't help but notice that even among non Red Pill aware men now believe they are the prize. I now hear men talk the way girls used to talk back in the day. I now hear men say things like, ""if she wants to be with me she better have....."", or ""if she expects to get a guy like me she better do...."". It's definitely a big change from when I only used to hear the girls making demands. Before these guys were trying to figure out how to get the girls and what they had to do. Now they talk about what women have to do to have a chance with them. So even if you don't agree with the SMV flip do you think these beliefs men hold will have an effect on you and your relationships? Do you think you will have to adapt in some way because of it?",,0,GhettoJamesBond,2024-02-04 07:32:54 PurplePillDebate,1ahul2m,"Which is easier, being a man or being a woman?","Basically title. Everytime somebody talks about how hard being [insert gender here] is, there's always someone from the opposite gender saying it's harder to be in their position. Men usually talk about loneliness, depression, sexlesness, being falsely accused and their inability to be vulnerable around others. Women talk about creeps, rape, periods, pregnancy, oppression, gender inequality etc. There's this belief among some men that women are playing life on easy mode. Their reasonings are female privilege, easiness finding a partner, white knights willing to help and so on. In summary it seems that women will always have society protecting them. There are ups and downs for both genders which people of opposite genders may not relate to. But why is the amount of men commiting suicide 4 times higher than that of women? Do men decide to quit life once they realize it is too difficult for them?",,10,-snickerss-,2024-02-03 12:00:36 PurplePillDebate,1ahv810,Games and Goals?,"In my personal experience, the whole 'pill' things, amd this dating debate, has its basis, atleast on the part of men, in the fact that people are confused as to what they want from a relationship or a partner They talk about loyalty and also they follow pickup-artists and how to attract more and more women, which is just contradictory. If you need a woman who will love you for who you are, show who you really are and dont try to 'attract', or be happy with the uncertain playboy lifestyle that pick-up gane gives you. Earning a lot of money and attracting a girl with money, and then calling her a gold digger is like, using a bait to lure in a fish and say, 'you are a bad fish, you like the bait more than me, you'll leave me for a better bait'. The same thing goes to I will get in better shape to attract girls and getting angry if she keaves for someone with a different kind of body, because appreciation of physiques is subjective. They complain that it is easier for women to get sex but want sex, loyalty, emotional connection all together, which the women dont get most of the time, but they dont realize that. They dont just want sex easily, they want more rhan that snd dont realize that. What are your thoughts on it?",,6,saptarshi656,2024-02-03 12:39:12 PurplePillDebate,1ahzgck,"Most 50 / 50 LTR's will fail if you are the guy, if you want it to work, you have to exploit a power dynamic","Woman can get pretty much anything at their fingertips nowadays. If they want attention, they can open up their Instagram or Twitter and post a thirst pic to get positive reviews and affirmations from strangers and all their friends and followers. If they want sex, they can call their FWB or scroll through thousands of offers on a hookup app. If they need money, they can ask their friend, Billy Betabuxx for some, sit in a hot tub on Twitch, start an Onlyfans, or even invent some sob story online to get donations. If they get bored on social media or need some alone time, they can get their peace and quiet, hassle free. While other people in committed relationships might start an argument over this. To get an actual ""relationship"" nowadays (not what Billy Betabuxx is getting) you have to keep her ""trapped"" as predatory as those words sound. Passport bro's do this by taking her home and giving her a better life. Religion does this by making people fear the repercussions from their God for engaging in infidelity or polyamorous sex. And abusers do this by making her feel the highs and lows of an extremely volatile relationship which somehow convinces her that it's worth fighting for (I don't get it either).",,4,NefariousnessMost660,2024-02-03 16:07:36 PurplePillDebate,1ahu0vk,"Why don't we talk more about ""female sexuality""? Where has it gone?","I have come to the conclusion that many men don’t understand much on the topic of women sexuality. I am aware that people arrive at various “pill-spaces” to find answers to their questions. However, if we are being truly truthful, these spaces, largely speaking, rarely provide those in-dept answers people are searching for. While these spaces are popular, they are popular because they sell people a small set of beliefs regarding dating, sex, and gender (etc) that give people some form of comfort. I mean they are referred as various pill-”ideologies” for a reason. They give people shallow yet highly polarising explanations that can easily destroy or invalidate some other point of view but rarely are deep and rich enough to help those struggling. That is not to say, NO person has been helped, I am sure some have, however, many people are left unsatisfied and their problems left unresolved. They destroy curiosity completely. And I am saying this as someone who went to those spaces. Now, some may argue that their particular form of pill is rooted in science, particularly evolutionary science. They may say the reason why we repeatedly bring up height, physical attractiveness, and status and whatever other factors that are commonly heard is because they are studies that show them to be significantly related to females’s rating of perceived attractiveness. And I would agree, however, what I am trying to point out is they are not being interpreted as science. They are treated as gospel truths rather than tentative facts. For instance, height is clearly a major predictor of high ratings on perceived female attractiveness. Replicated across many cultures, replicated over and over again, robust sample size and study design and blah blah blah. I get it!!! You have identified WHAT factors play a role in perceived female attractiveness but have not explained HOW and WHY and WHEN they do. How does height cause women to go moist downstairs? The effect of height, is it “in effect” all of the time? So, whenever a tall guy enters a room he always cause feelings of sexual arousal? If not, when is height “in effect”? It is in effect when he is making tea? Is it in effect when he is playing the guitar? What about when he is sleeping? What about when he is picking his nose? Is it still “in effect”? Also, is every women in every situation going be effected by height? Probably not. What I am saying is getting someone to be sexually attracted in deeper than a “in X then Y” explanation. A more broader perspective is needed. Lastly, I wanted to point out that “female perceived attractiveness” is not the same as “female sexuality”. The research employing rating scales are asking of self-report measures. It is not clear that those participants filling the questionnaire are turned on by the pictures that see. They perceive them to be sexually attractive, but not in the moment be sexually attracted. What gets women turned on? This question is not the interest of evolutionary science, that is a interest of different field of research: sexology. My brief scanning of literature suggest women sexuality (sexuality in general in fact) is a lot more complex and varied. Simple “if X then Y” type of explanations, in my opinion, fails to give a comprehensive account. For instance, men tend to experience spontaneous, out of the blue desire for sex (which is a curse when it gets in the way of a productive day), while this is the experience of some women, there are also some that never experience spontaneous sexual desires. Instead they may experience “responsive” desire, in which the desire emerges only in highly erotic context. Also, that sexual desire is influenced by learning. For example, studies have shown that male rats who have been trained to associated a stimuli (as bizarre as smell of lemon, wearing a jacket) with sexual activity, will influence their preference. When they are presented with a receptive female rat, the female rat that smells of lemon is preferred significantly more often than those that don’t. Also, about the rat wearing a jacket, the study found that if the rat was wearing a jacket the first time he copulated, the next he is with a receptive female but not wearing that jacket, he is more likely to self-inhibit. Which sounds eerily close to “I learned that having “this face structure, or this height or this whatever” means possible interest in sex, but I don’t have those, so no possible interest in sex”-self-inhibit. It is not out of the realm of possibility that this maybe training you to become blind to other cue of sexual interest. Obviously the raw desire of sexual reproduction remains. The rats in the wild figure it out themselves. But the point the studies showed was the perception of sexual desire and preference can be tampered by what we learn and how we learn about it. I don’t know, I haven’t properly studied it to make my final judgment, but it’s interesting to say the least. What do you guys think? Should we include discussion of “sexuality” alongside “sex”. Also, if any gals here read this, share your story and experiences. Is this true? False? Complicated?",,6,Stupid4Knowledge,2024-02-03 11:23:20 PurplePillDebate,1ahh5ie,"Switching around ""Commitment"" for ""Sex"" may allow more empathy between the sexes?","The ol' red pill saying ""women are the gate keepers of sex, men are the gate keepers of relationships"" Always seemed kinda strange to me, but when talking with my girlfriend about certain dating topics, switching those two concepts has allowed me to see her point of view better. Example: Woman ""wants to take it slow sexually"" with new guy after being very fast about it in the past. Guy is okay with this originally, but becomes kinda hurt after finding out that she didn't used to do this with the men in her past. He wonders if that means the other guys had a stronger effect on her and he's just not attractive enough to have her take the risk of ""being used for sex"" (As in, it turns out the guy was just lying about feelings to get into her pants). Girl doesn't understand. Imagining themselves in a gender flipped scenario doesn't help her understand. Instead, she could imagine herself in a gender AND concept flipped scenario: Guy wants to keep the relationship to casual sex for a while before committing to a relationship, wanting a fwb for a few weeks/months before starting a closed relationship. Girl is okay with it originally but becomes hurt after finding out that in the past, he used to be down for a relationship from the get go and be perfectly fine with committing for a while before sex. She wonders if that means the other girls had a stronger effect on him, while she has to ""chase him down"" and ""entice him with sex"" for a while before he considers a committed relationship. Also helped me understand a different post, where a guy asked a girl he knew straight out to be his fwb (before even asking for a romantic date), because he isn't looking for anything serious with her, but thinks she's into him and they could both have a good time that way. She was disgusted with him and deeply hurt. Now, if a girl were to ask me out of nowhere to be her fwb, but made it clear she wasn't looking for anything right now, that be a huge confident boost, rather than making me feel bad or hurt. But that's the wrong flip. The real flip is: A girl asks me to go on dates with her and take her out, but making it clear that she isn't looking for anything sexual with me and it's just for company, like a friend, except also having the benefits of a relationship, just without the sexual component. That would be rather emasculating and hurtful. ---------------- Closing comment: These are general trends, rather than hard differences. Some men would be more hurt the ""women way"", some women the ""men way"". But in general, I believe thinking about it from these concept switched perspectives might be a good idea when you can't understand why a person of the opposite gender is hurt at something that you'd view neutrally or even as a positive. What do you think? Have you ever tried such a switch before and has it helped you understand where the other person might be coming from? Edit: I apologize if I haven't made this clear. The concept switching is suppose to give you an analogy. I don't claim this is a perfect mirror, but just a way to generate the similar feelings to the opposite gender in a scenario. It fails in many regards, I'm sure, but I think it works in enough to justify it as a tool.",,53,Chaskar,2024-02-02 23:09:27 PurplePillDebate,1aig3oo,A compelling argument to why feminine men will never thrive in their relationships.,"Most of the feminine men that I have encountered have essentially lost their essence of masculinity and have gone down the road of self-loathing and victimhood. Some of them are lucky enough to have relationships but they most often never last, from what I noticed they are more prone to being abusive, they are more likely to attract women with self-esteem issues and troubled pasts, and their emotions will always get the best of them. A lot of feminine men that I know are controlling and protective in nature, they are always in fear mode, they never let their partners hang around with the opposite sex and would often resort to abusive ways in sustaining their relationships, from begging to pleading, these are the common tactics of feminine men to get their partners to stay. When it comes to feminine men, they are extremely less likely to attract a feminine woman, and in-return will attract a masculine woman. Though at first their relationship will thrive, you will start to notice that the reason why some women are in their masculine is because of a self-esteem issue or a lack of positive male role model in their life, most of these relationships, crash and burn, unless both parties stay committed, nonetheless, this relationship still does not yield a positive outcome for them since abuse and violence are more prone in these relationships. Finally, feminine men will always be sabotaged by their emotions, they will often use their partners as emotional tampons or therapists. They will always most often complain about life and feel shitty about it, they will hang around subreddits like this or be part of the Red Pill community, and their woman will always often lose attraction for them. They will always listen to the devil on their shoulder by acting out on their emotions, whether it would be by getting angry or losing their emotional stability.",,0,A-Problem-Eliminator,2024-02-04 05:10:38 PurplePillDebate,1ahx4n5,Committed relationship with a man is a net loss for most women?,"I'm a 31 year old middle European man and I have been in and out of several relationships for the past 10 years. I talk a lot to strangers and acquantances about relationships and their experiences. Based on these stories that happened directly to me or were told to me from first hand, I have gathered the following idea that I would kindly ask your opinion on: *""Committing to a relationship with a man is a net loss for a woman - unless she wants a child, or the man is extremely wealthy"".* I have not been in a committed relationship for many years now and I get most rejections from women saying, yes they are single, but they are not looking for a relationship / they don't even know if they'll ever want one again. The reasons I hear is because they have to give up a lot of freedom in exchange for a committed relationship. For example what they have to give up: 1. **Reckless schedule.** Women, regardless of age (between 18 and 36 in my experience) in my city enjoy living a spontaneous schedule and do not plan ahead, except for at what time they have to get up for work that week / next day. Getting absolutely blackout drunk on a Tuesday evening randomly? Sure. Doing drugs casually on weekdays? Why not. A person in the friendgroup calls at 10PM to come over and have a bottle of wine and sleep over if it gets late? Sure! We agreed to do X on the weekend many weeks ahead but then something comes up and they do a 3-day bender without notifying the host? Absolutely. However I rarely encounter men doing this (they focus more on carreer). Of course they have to give up this behaviour in a committed relationship, coming home in time, not disturbing the other persons sleep schedule, spending time together, eating meals together, etc. 2. **Irregular Diet.** What you eat affects you directly (looks, mood, sex-drive, reliability, stamina) and taking responsibility to feed yourself is costly and takes a lot of time. I rarely see women cooking (most of my male acquantances cook) and usually just grabbing fast food, barely drinking water, at irregular intervals which affects their health negatively. 3. **Freedom to have little income.** If they are only responsible for themselves, women can earn as little as they want to. They can just take any easy-to-do, flexible, low-paying job, and live in a lease with 2-3 friends together. However in a committed relationship there are long-term goals (mortgage, large purchases, car payment, etc.) so it means they basically have to become a business partner, and take on an actual, real job which might be stressfull but pays well and they do not want this. 4. **Sexual freedoms.** It is common to keep 3-5 regular sexual men partners for women. This is because in my country there is an awful ratio in any social place (club, park, disco, etc.), men outnumber women on a good day 5:1, on a bad day 30:1. Lately I have been seeing 20-something women take 8 or 10 guys with her to the club. On Tinder, the women I talked to (they are completely average 6/10 looking, no bikini pictures, just standard normal pictures), get around 100-200 matches per week. In clubs it is not unusual for them to take many men home (sometimes even at once) - and men will not object, because the ratio is so bad that they just swallow their pride just to get laid. In a committed relationship they have to throw away all of this, no more casual hookups, no more Tuesday Tony, Wednesday William, Friday Frederick. And in turn from an average man they receive: 1. **No protection bonus.** My country is very safe so women do not have to be afraid to go on the street alone, drunk, etc. They can be sure that they will not get robbed, raped, unless they go to extremely bad neighbourhoods which are very far outside of the city. So basically having a man on their side at night does not provide a major safety advantage. 2. **High risk of abuse.** Lots of stories about men sexually or emotionally abusing their women. Domestic abuse and domestic rape is the most common (strangers rarely abuse women). 3. **Likely poor sex-life.** I hear severe complaints about men performing poorly in bed (not taking care of the woman's needs). 4. **Little care and few shared interests.** 5. **Burden of chores.** I don't know why but I hear a lot of men still think that they should not do laundry, do the dishes, cook or clean in the shared household. 6. **Not much better quality life than if they lived alone or with women friends.** With today's financial crisis and inflation it is unlikely that having a man will result in a much higher socioeconomic status. Based on the above, If I were a woman in 2024 in my city, I would not want a committed relationship - because I do not want a child and I do not care about money. I would just mess around, hook-up, travel, not worry, get wasted, party, etc. until my late 30's or even early 40's and then settle for a somewhat well-off man so that I have company. What do you think?",,1,Savings_End8992,2024-02-03 14:19:19 PurplePillDebate,1ahh6db,Women who are very experienced in romantic relationships (whether sexually or emotionally) would you date someone who had never been in a relationship?,"I've been in a relationship for 15 years but I'm only 30. I know a lot of men my age who have never been in a relationship, or have never gone on more than a few dates. I think if my husband died I'd probably not date again for a long time, if ever.. but if I did I couldn't even imagine doing it with someone who had zero experience in a relationship. It's not even sex it's just that I don't want to have to go through the who training wheel/growing up phase on communication and boundaries and learning to live together with someone of the opposite sex for the first time. I'm wondering if I'm alone in this?",,26,Laniekea,2024-02-02 23:10:32 PurplePillDebate,1ahz7zz,How would YOU personally like to be approached about partnership?,"30M I was curious to see in what ways people would personally like to be approached in public (Men/Women/Whoever) in reference to partnership. We often hear about the wrong way and how some obviously don't know how to respectfully do so, so I was curious for thoughts. Why does your preference work for you / vs \ some of the negatives we hear about? Location? How do you show interest when approaching vs being approached? Me personally, I simply like people who like me lol. But it's difficult in places like target when the intention was to purchase groceries or something. You don't really get that ""like"" factor. In a way to defeat dating apps, in person seems best when making personal connections. Everyone has preferences of course, but it's interesting to discover partnership interests without a bio description. What are your anonymous experiences/expectations? Aiming to be neutral here, but hoping to lean towards a more womanly audience Recap : How do you like to approach : be approached? Why does your preference work for you? Experiences? Outcomes? What are your anonymous experiences/expectations? Thanks everyone Edit: Grammar ",,1,Terroo122,2024-02-03 15:57:27 PurplePillDebate,1ah6ith,Men do not have high beauty standards,"Most men just want somebody willing to touch them because for most men no one is willing to do that. It's so twisted and dark to say that men have such high standards when they really have no options. It's like, simultaneously they're in a much more shit dating position than women and are put to blame for supposedly being the ones with unrealistic standards. Hypergamy is not some redpill pseudoscience, It's been studied and it's been shown that women date up and sideways in the hierarchy and men date down and sideways in the hierarchy. If men date down, and women date up, and men are supposed to be mostly interested in looks, then how is it not true that they're dating down in terms of looks in order to potentially get a date? Women only think that men have higher beauty standards because they want the man everybody else wants and he's obviously able to pick the very best one, making him have high beauty standards. You would see how low a man's beauty standards are if you actually tried dating someone in your own leauge, and if you don't, then you're not allowed to complain when the guy you want doesn't want you back.",,69,MissionDelivery4012,2024-02-02 15:37:53 PurplePillDebate,1ahlygf,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, personal advice and memes in this thread. Here you can post everything that doesn't warrant its own thread or just do some socializing. Personal advice posting, research posts, non-TOS breaking rants, links to other locations with limited context as conversation topics **(must use np links for reddit)**, and things would be considered low effort posts are allowed in the daily thread. **Do not bring other PPD threads into the daily thread. Do not post PPD threads deserving of their own post in the daily thread.** The intent of the daily thread is not that it should replace PPD and become a place where users can avoid the rules of the subreddit. Attempting to do this will be considered circlejerking and moderated as such. **Black Pill/Incel Content/Woe-Is-Me is still banned in the daily thread. Witch hunting and insults are also still banned in the daily thread. Relegated topics must still go to in the weekly threads for those topics.** Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,6,AutoModerator,2024-02-03 03:00:57 PurplePillDebate,1ah0lt1,Men on this sub are probably below average which is why they are struggling,"To me this is the average man who is above the age of 30 * Average height or tall * Has a social circle of friends they see on weekends and friends they can speak to if needed * Does stuff with said friends like going on vacation together or going the beach and has pictures of themselves doing stuff on Facebook/Instagram (going to Ibiza with the bros etc) * Has a job or at least a career, perhaps not mega high earners but earns enough to be comfortable * Has a mortgage or rented place and their own car * Average body or maybe hits the gym every other day but doesn't take it seriously so potentially a bit pudgy body (dadbod) To me this is an average man. If you don't have these you are below average and are probably struggling. It isn't normal to not have a social circle of friends and acquaintances and having to rely 100% on dating apps because there are no women in your life. It isn't normal to not have a stable career at 30+ and not have your own place (rented/mortgage) and a car. People here are more than likely rating themselves too high or average when they are in fact below average. I mean take myself for example. I thought I was average. I have a career in IT which pays me comfortably. I have a car and rent my own place. But my social circle dried up years ago when my friends moved away, started their own family/bought a house and focused on that etc. Since then my social life has basically been non existent and my 30s has been pretty bad. I would say I am below average for this reason because an average man would have access to a social circle, which would give them access to single women.",,65,Ok_Cycle225,2024-02-02 10:25:25 PurplePillDebate,1agzh3v,"""Enjoy the decline"" is a perfectly viable strategy","I hate when tradcons say that enjoy the decline is not a viable strategy. Just get yourself at a place where you're confident you won't be affected no matter what happens. I am in a unicorn relationship with a wealthy man who intends to marry me and I also have a stable job and a prestigious Master degree. Nothing can touch me. It's not depressing to embrace the decline. It's only depressing if you are single and sexless and friendless. Trust me the only reason you're depressed is that you don't get enough meaningful intimacy. I know because I was also depressed once upon a time. Honestly, I couldn't give less of a fuck about what happens to society. Like if betas revolted tomorrow and brought white sharia or something , I couldn't give less of a fuck. If birth rates get to 0, I don't give a shit. If we all die of climate change, whatever, it's inevitable anyway. Just learn to not give a fck. Whatever doomer scenario I see online I find it more amusing than anything. It's not depressing, it's liberating.",,23,Novel-Tip-7570,2024-02-02 09:03:50 PurplePillDebate,1agp8gn,"Your personality is mostly determined by factors outside your control and changing it fundamentally is EXTREMELY difficult, contrary to what other people might be espousing","People on this forum mostly say: ‘oh, I know a guy who is ugly but he has a girlfriend because he has a good personality’, as if that person is solely responsible for his personality and anyone can change their personality in a couple months’ time ‘if only they put in the effort’. This is akin to rich people saying that the poor are just not trying hard enough. It is a toxic attitude, and I am going to detail why below. In my opinion, the base of your personality in adult life is mostly explained by the formula below: **Base of your personality = (Genetics + Family Environment)*School Environment** In other words, the school environment is an amplifier of your genetics and family environment. Almost everybody has close to zero influence on the factors that determine their personality up until they finish high school, are able to work and earn their own money, and are able leave their family behind (typically age 18). Starting from this base, you can make slight improvements or changes, however any significant changes or improvements are going to take years of deliberate practice and therapy (I am talking probably 10+ years of constant practice). The vast majority of people do not significantly change their personality. On top of this base, you can have significant trauma events outside of your control which can severely impact your personality, for the better or for worse. Examples include a near-death experience in a car crash, the loss of a parent or sibling early in life, the loss of a great friend due to suicide, either yourself or someone really close to you dealing with disease such as cancer and surviving, etc. Let’s break them down one-by-one with examples. **Genetics** – this has been spoken about before, so I am not going to delve into it too much * Height * Looks: Acne, Crooked Teeth, Defects * Intelligence * Inherited personality traits (studies show that 20% to 60% of your personality is genetic) * Physical ability / Natural talents **Family Environment** * Was your family supportive or abusive? * Did you grow up without a father? * Did you grow up poor, middle class, or rich? * Did your parents sign you up to extracurricular activities such as team sports or dancing, or did your parents leave you in front of the TV or the computer so you were not bothering them too much? * Did you grow up with siblings, or were you an only child? * Did your parents have a large social circle? Were they charismatic? Could you develop that charisma effortlessly while young by i.e. observing your father interacting with his friends at a bbq? * Did you grow up with pets? * Did your parents feed you a diet consisting of mostly McDonald’s, ready meals, and soda from an early age? * Did your parents help you overcome various genetic defects? For example, did they pay for you to fix your crooked teeth in middle school, so that you had perfect straight teeth in high school? **School Environment** The factors described above are summed up and are compounded by the school environment, where you can develop positive or negative feedback loops. Of course, life is not black and white, few people have all the factors above as 100% positive or 100% negative. **Let’s have two scenarios for the same person with the following genetic characteristics:** Short height, slightly ugly, average intelligence, crooked teeth, severe acne as a teenager, and a natural talent for guitar **Scenario A.** The person who is lucky to be born in a good family, one of two children (his sibling is a girl close to his age), who stayed in the same area throughout all his childhood: • Will probably be involved in a bunch of extracurricular activities from an early age to discover his talents and foster social connections with both genders – team sports, dancing classes, language classes, he is also likely to discover his innate talent for guitar and develop that skill. The parents are going to be supportive whenever there is a setback and give advice on how the young boy should react in various social situations. The young boy is going to get comfortable interacting with the opposite gender via dance classes, and also through his interactions with his sister (and his sister’s friends), and with the same gender via team sports – developing ability to banter, camaraderie, and a large social circle. • Will probably have a good diet at home, coupled with the extracurricular activities above, he is likely to not get fat, likely even fit. • The parents are going to get him braces in middle school to fix his teeth, so he is going to have perfect straight teeth in high school. • The parents are going to take him to a dermatologist so that his severe acne is treated or kept under control. • As a result of the above – clear skin, straight teeth, being comfortable around girls, having a wide social circle from team sports + his sister’s friends + classmates, and discovering his innate talent for guitar, the guy has no problem getting a girlfriend in high school, gaining experience with women, which further raises his confidence and self-esteem. • Starting from this base, life is pretty easy for him. He is likely going to go to a good university, and life is pretty much set from here. He is probably the example that people usually point to when they think of a person who is ugly but pulls girls way above their league. **Now let’s investigate the situation in which things do not go so well.** **Scenario B.** The person who is unfortunate to be born in an abusive, poor family, as an only child, who moved a few times throughout his childhood: • The parents cannot afford any extracurricular activities for the young man, and whenever he gets bad grades at school, his dad calls him dumb, and incapable, and even sometimes beats him up. The child never discovers his aptitude for guitar. • The parents are growing him up on a diet of fast food and soda because they do not know how to cook and they know nothing about nutrition. • As a result of the above, the kid gets fat. • In middle school, the kid starts to get bullied for the fact that he is fat, ugly, has crooked teeth, and has started to also develop acne. The kid does not know how to react to this, and his self-esteem is already low from being called dumb, incapable, and being beaten up by his father at home. • As a result of the bullying and the treatment he receives from his father, the kid retreats into the world of video games to escape reality. This means that he does not develop any social skills until the age of 18 and he has no experience with women. • Somehow, he manages to get into university and move away from his toxic family. • Midway through college, his mum, the only person in the family whom he felt cared for him, sadly passes away. He cuts contact with his abusive father because he finds out that he had been cheating on his mum in the lead-up to her death. • Despite the setback, he manages to finish college, while working part-time at McDonald’s. He now works in accounting making decent money. • However, he has the following to deal with: acne + acne scars left over from adolescence, crooked teeth, childhood trauma + the trauma of his mother passing away + low self-esteem due to his father crushing it to the ground over the 18 years he had been at home. This is his base. People keep telling him that it’s not his looks holding him back, it’s his personality, and he can just work on it for a couple of months and he can pull models. He just does not try hard enough and does not want it enough. 'Look at the guy in Scenario A. If he can do it, so can you! You are just not trying hard enough!' **Conclusion** Yes, there are people out there who got really unlucky in terms of genetics, however, the successful ones more likely than not got really lucky in terms of growing up in the right family, which helped offset their genetic shortcomings! There is a massive survivorship bias there. What about the people who had the misfortune to draw the short straw both in terms of genetics AND in terms of family? Starting from a situation like that: years of bullying and abuse, addiction to fast food, lack of social skills, low self esteem, among others, requires MONUMENTAL AMOUNTS OF EFFORT. However, people (and especially women it seems – the ‘empathetic’ gender) do not care about your starting point and how much you have improved. They only care about your current results. How can you be a fun and charismatic guy when you were born ugly, and on top of that you developed low self esteem due to not only your peers in school bullying you, but also because your father beat the shit out of you when you were young, and verbally abused you and your mother, only for you to then face years of rejection from women, while also not having any siblings that you are close with? ‘just improve your personality bro’",,94,sienok,2024-02-01 23:37:48 PurplePillDebate,1agyegu,Looking for your opinions or comments on a poll I conducted at a university. Could you share your honest thoughts?," The poll was conducted with about 100/120 participants - Do you think your life is more challenging than that of the opposite sex? M Yes 57% No 43% F Yes 87% No 13% - Have you ever given money to someone, who you were interested in but was not romantically involved with you, for nothing in return? M Yes 51% Yes more than $1k 9% No 40% F Yes 28% Yes more than $1k 3% No 69% - Would you prefer if your significant other makes more money than you? M Yes 26% No 21% Doesn’t matter 53% F Yes 34% No 14% Doesn’t matter 52% - Who should pay on a first date? M Guy 56% Girl 12% Whoever asks 27% Whoever asks (I rarely ask) 5% F Guy 33% Girl 4% Whoever asks 47% Whoever asks (I rarely ask) 15% - How do you feel about cancel culture? M Positively 0% Negatively 64% Neutral 36% F Positively 24% Negatively 34% Neutral 42% - How confident do you feel about your body and your life in general? M Very confident 0% Somewhat confident 46% Neutral 38% Not confident 13% F Very confident 11% Somewhat confident 23% Neutral 27% Not confident 39% - What’s the minimum height you’d consider to date someone? (Average girl’s height is 5’4, Average guy’s height is 5’9) M 5’0 or less 29% 5’0 to 5’4 56% 5’4 to 5’7 10% 5’7 or more 5% F 5’7 or less 10% 5’7 to 5’9 28% 5’9 to 5’11 37% 6’0 or more 25% - Are you comfortable with individuals of the opposite sex having preferences for physical appearance in your sex? M Yes 75% It depends on which preferences 21% No 4% F Yes 54% It depends on which preferences 43% No 2% - How do you feel when a person you find unattractive flirts with you or compliments you? M Flattered or neutral 100% I’m annoyed 0% F Flattered or neutral 57% I’m annoyed 43% - How do you feel about an age gap relationship where the woman is older than the man? M Positively or neutral 87% Negatively 13% F Positively or neutral 49% Negatively 51% - How do you feel about an age gap relationship where the men is older than the woman? M Positively or neutral 80% Negatively 20% F Positively or neutral 46% Negatively 54% - How many times have you asked someone out in person in the last 5 years? M 0 25% 1-2 40% 3-5 17% 5+ 17% F 0 69% 1-2 25% 3-5 6% 5+ 0% - What type of person would you prefer to date? M A masculine girl 6% A feminine girl 62% A mix of both 32% F A masculine guy 47% A feminine guy 13% A mix of both 40% - How many times have you flaked on a date? M 0-2 64% 3-5 20% 5+ 16% F 0-2 43% 3-5 14% 5+ 43% - Do you think the Me Too movement has gone too far? M Yes 27% No 73% F Yes 4% No 96% - How do you view the pursue of power and money in life? M Positively or neutral 61% Negatively 39% F Positively or neutral 77% Negatively 23% - Would you prefer your potential spouse to be M Successful and the breadwinner 22% Financially dependent on me 25% Equal positions in life 53% F Successful and the breadwinner 54% Financially dependent on me 0% Equal positions in life 46% - Would you date someone who has the opposite political views from you? M Yes 37% No 63% F Yes 10% No 90% - What’s the *controlled* gender pay gap in the United States in 2024? Controlled gender pay gap refers to pay for same job with same qualifications (correct answer is $0.99 to $1, https://www.payscale.com/research-and-insights/gender-pay-gap/) M $0.82 to $1 32% $0.99 to $1 68% F $0.82 to $1 100% $0.99 to $1 0%",,20,FormerElection9734,2024-02-02 07:46:14 PurplePillDebate,1ageaif,How are average looking men in this day and age supposed to meet women?,"1. Dating apps don't work for the average guy, lets not kid ourselves here. 2. Mutual friends are a an option but most people have small friend groups. 3. Meetups are generally filled with senior folks or it's married women every time. 4. Gyms , work, places of business are generally said to be off limits for approaching women. before 2010, being on a dating app was seen as extreme, to put it into perspective; it was far more normal to chat up a woman in the grocery store or library than putting your face on a online dating site. This was something people with weird fetishes did. Today its normalized, but in turn society is doing everything to threat-profile men who would approach a woman in real life. ",,160,HardTimes4Vampires,2024-02-01 15:59:40 PurplePillDebate,1ah32mz,Are male dating coaches ruining modern dating?,"I have been following a few male dating coaches recently. However, literally every single one of them seems to be focusing only on how to get the girl to fall for you very quick very fast by using tactics that trigger an extreme dopamine response (see. “feeling the sparks”). Now, I do get that on dates, especially on first dates you will need to show your best self, present yourself in a good way and generally aim to create good vibes and a good time for the girl. But these guides go way beyond that. The whole thing now appears to be completely scripted where you act out different behaviour patterns at set times, smile this way, at that time, but only this much, and only after X happens, tone of voice like this, body language like that, etc etc Now, the thing is these tactics are actually highly efficient if implemented correctly. But aren’t you being somewhat dishonest / fake if this is not how you genuinely are as a person in every day life? Won’t the girl eventually figure this out once your real self emerges? **Concrete example:** One particular coach I have been following claims to have dated over 100 girls the last 10 years. I have checked his non-coaching personal social media profile and in the past 2 years I saw he indeed dated at lest 10 different women. Dated as in actual relationships. This was from his social media posts about going on vacation, breakup posts, found a new girlfriend posts, actual pictures, he being depressed when the latest GF left him, new GF a month later, etc etc. Again, this was his personal profile only for IRL friends he never shared on his coaching profiles, I just managed to find it with some digging. So yeah, he may be very good at initially getting girls using all these tricks but then inevitably something happens and the relationships end. Could it be maybe exactly because eventually the girls figure out that the first few dates / weeks of the relationship were all just an act and that the guy is actually completely different? **And now to get to my point:** If you are a guy and are genuinely interested in LTRs, are these dating guides and tricks centred around hitting girls' dopamine receptors really what you should be doing? Sure, you may get many girls, but likely only short term. (cool, if that's what you want) At the same time, exposure to these guys now also trains girls to expect this intense fireworks dopamine hit and sparks on the first date. Because it feels very good. Anything less will not be good enough anymore. Then later they get disappointed that in reality the guy was not what she was expecting and doesn’t understand how she could not have seen it coming. ""He changed"" she will say. What do you think?",,3,apc4455,2024-02-02 12:58:27 PurplePillDebate,1agay0p,Women are just as redpilled as men.,"I was scrolling on tiktok and came across yet another genz/millennial woman saying insanely misandrist things about men to hundreds of thousands of likes except this time I noticed something different. At the end of her nonsensical rant she told women to follow the link in her bio so they could learn how to attract high value men so they don’t have to do anything in life anymore. I followed the link just to see if it was going to try and charge money for this shit and lo and behold she wanted 160 dollars for this ‘course’. She and the other women like her I ended up finding are just the same kinds of grifters as Andrew Tate or any other male redpiller. The difference is they don’t get shamed and ridiculed because at the end of the day they can freely blame men for all of their failures and be openly misandrist without any mainstream pushback while redpill men are constantly mocked and shamed for having their opinions. This seems insane to me and it’s incredible that all the same grifters exist for women and allow women to be as redpilled as they want yet male redpillers are the only ones who ever receive any pushback on their beliefs.",,217,envious1998,2024-02-01 13:26:00 PurplePillDebate,1agqzx9,Is the online dating phenomenon reflective of real life?,"A lot of people saying ""Dating apps don't represent real life"" . However, I wanted to discuss this - Take a man, he goes to the gym, he sees women there some are attractive, some are average looking, some are ok looking and so on. If that man has a healthy testosterone level, I guarantee he would have sex with the majority of women he sees at the gym Now take a women, she's at the gym she sees men there, some are short, some tall, some muscular, yet the only men she finds attractive is 1 or 2 men, the very tall and handsome men. The rest of the men there are completely invisible Isn't this just like dating apps ? Women only finding a small portion of men attractive and men finding a large majority of women attractive to sleep with. Yet people say that dating apps aren't real life and not how women select partners? The average man is invisible to women The average women, most men would sleep with.",,25,ShelterNo2786,2024-02-02 00:57:25 PurplePillDebate,1agtahw,"What the ""Pills"" Get Wrong . . .","Hello Purple Pillers! I hope I'm not too much of an interloper here, I recently discovered this sub, and to be honest, I'm not as personally connected to a lot of the issues discussed here, having been married happily (for the most part!) for 20+ years. That said, I've been following a lot of the red pill and anti-red pill content on the Internet for the last couple of years with a degree of interest, as I did make some significant and painful mistakes in my younger days that I think could've been avoided, and now I have a 12-year-old son, who will soon be entering this whole world that seems to be in such turmoil at present. I'm also concerned at the societal level that people in the modern world are not forming families as much as they used to do, and all of the downstream negative effects that is likely to have for our society. This conversation really matters, in my opinion! That said, I do think there are some bad ideas floating around, maybe I can do some small part in steering things in a better direction. Let me say first that I do think the red pill as I understand it gets some important things right: 1. The modern world has brought about changes in male-female relationships that are not entirely positive. 2. Women are entirely capable of using their ""oppressed"" status to abuse men. 3. Following the mainstream's fairy tales won't necessarily lead to happiness for men (or women). 4. There are things men can and should do to increase their odds of finding love. In sum, it's probably just that it's right and good for men to take a good hard look at the messages we're receiving about how we should go about interacting with the opposite sex, and think about whether there might be a better way. Now, to the list of what the red pill as I understand it gets wrong: 1. Red pillers constantly conflate dating/casual sex and marriage. The vast majority of men will be happier being married to one good woman than they would trying to put as many notches on their bedpost as possible. So for them everything the red pillers are saying that's based on trying to live like Andrew Tate or JW Waller is just irrelevant to their pursuit of happiness in life. You don't need to ""attract women"", you need to ""attract a woman"", and the two things are very, very different. This whole discussion of ""women like this, and women like that"", is mostly irrelevant, you just need to find one woman who likes *you*. But red pillers won't even clarify whether they're talking about casual sex or marriage. 2. Red pillers therefore misstate what for most people constitutes a ""high value man"". They seem to think that the metric of high value is number of sex partners. But again, most men are happiest married to a good woman. So, who is the ""winner"" between the playboy prowling the bars at age 50 however successful he may be at it versus the proud father at age 50 walking his daughter down the aisle in front of hundreds or watching his son get his first hit in MLB? Most men are going to end up much happier aiming for the latter. Red pillers talk as if there is no other metric to a happy and fulfilling life except number of sexual conquests. 3. Red pillers therefore cannot even see or really even imagine who the best woman are. For red pillers, all woman are essentially ruled by their primal instincts, only responding to ""protect and provide"", basically alternating their attraction between the two depending on the time of the month. Those are not the best women, those are broken women. Throughout every era in history and still in many, many places around the world, the most sought after women are virgin brides. Granted, that's fairly rare in modern societies because of how our culture and technology have evolved, but the true ""high value men"" are still seeking and finding relatively innocent women for long term relationships. Believe it. So adding all of the above together, the red pill correctly identifies the difficulties that many young people are facing in trying to navigate male-female relationships, but their prescription is flawed as it relates to most men, who would do better to eschew the world of casual sex and focus on finding one good woman to marry and start a family with. Some red pill advice is transferable, certainly becoming successful in some sort of endeavor, being physically active, and basic hygiene, grooming and fashion will all help, no matter what the goal is. But the idea that the only men who can be successful in love are millionaire playboys is just utterly wrong; your average dad standing behind the bbq on a Saturday afternoon, with a few dozen friends and family members around is likely just as, if not more, happy. Flame away, what did I get wrong?!!! ",,8,GlobeUnited,2024-02-02 02:48:14 PurplePillDebate,1agsbzy,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, personal advice and memes in this thread. Here you can post everything that doesn't warrant its own thread or just do some socializing. Personal advice posting, research posts, non-TOS breaking rants, links to other locations with limited context as conversation topics **(must use np links for reddit)**, and things would be considered low effort posts are allowed in the daily thread. **Do not bring other PPD threads into the daily thread. Do not post PPD threads deserving of their own post in the daily thread.** The intent of the daily thread is not that it should replace PPD and become a place where users can avoid the rules of the subreddit. Attempting to do this will be considered circlejerking and moderated as such. **Black Pill/Incel Content/Woe-Is-Me is still banned in the daily thread. Witch hunting and insults are also still banned in the daily thread. Relegated topics must still go to in the weekly threads for those topics.** Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,6,AutoModerator,2024-02-02 02:01:15 PurplePillDebate,1agzyc3,Why does no one link stats or supporting evidence for their positions?,"A majority of posts and comments on this subreddit are people stating their opinions, with no references to stats or data of any kind. These are not things that people can truly debate on. You can argue back and forth, but if you don't know why you believe what you believe then your belief is not justified and conversation is futile. I wish there were rules prohibiting these low-quality posts and comments. Maybe we'd be better served with a shitpost flair, which maybe is why discussion is distinct from debate, though they don't seem to be used differently. It's honestly very disappointing. I was thrilled to discover this community, and I'm taken aback at how most of y'all just smugly say your piece while providing no evidence whatsoever. I tried doing the same to see if the conversation would lead anywhere useful, and it never does. Is there anything we can do to foster real debate with real facts?",,0,njayinthehouse,2024-02-02 09:38:29 PurplePillDebate,1ag6vra,The gender war is not just an online thing,"I have been repeatedly told on this sub that the gender war is just an online thing and basically nonexistent irl. I don't agree. Okay, calling it ""gender war"" is a little dramatic. But the gender divide is real. Just today we got this gem. https://www.theguardian.com/news/2024/feb/01/gen-z-boys-and-men-more-likely-than-baby-boomers-to-believe-feminism-harmful-says-poll Apparently, zoomer males are more likely than baby boomers to say feminism has done more bad than good.",,76,Novel-Tip-7570,2024-02-01 09:10:18 PurplePillDebate,1aga4jm,Is it reasonable to have one bad relationship and not try again? Why men stop dating?,"I feel the common trend is you go through a break up a rejection or get fed up with being invisible to the women around you. No one in your immediate life comforts you, knows how to or even blames you for the fall of the relationship, you hop online to vent or dig into how to heal, you see the exact same story from other men, you realize people aren't as unique as everyone claims they are and having personality doesn't get you anywhere. You realise the likely hood of this same thing happening again is very high no matter how you approach the inevitable downfall of the relationship. Even as you may hit a popular phase you treat women as invisible or just friends despite them showing interest in you. That seems to be where I'm at right now or the women around me just like to try and make me cave.",,24,Agile-Explanation263,2024-02-01 12:42:57 PurplePillDebate,1afxw0e,Do unattractive women get hit up for sex more than attractive ones?,"I'm going to do my best to word this. I have an obese female friend who gets hit up for sex a lot on dating apps. Most guys try to sleep with her on the first date. I also have a female friend who isn't obese, but she certainly isn't pretty. I'm not trying to be mean, but it is what it is. She too gets hit up for sex a lot. She recently had a date at a restaurant. While waiting, the guy said ""hey, I'm not really hungry. Want to get drinks at mine instead?"" When she said no, he just left by himself. I have a pretty friend. Oddly enough she doesn't get hit up for sex. Most guys take her on proper dates and want a relationship with her. Usually they don't try and sleep with her until after the 3rd date. So that is my question: do men ""use"" ugly women for a quick smash and properly date the pretty women going much slower with them? I heavily get the impression they shoot a ""low offer shot"" at unattractive women not really caring if it lands or not. Kind of like how I make a low offer on a car I'm not interested in.",,62,FloralSpice,2024-02-01 00:45:16 PurplePillDebate,1ag5hia,Population collapse and dating,"https://youtu.be/tk5KoWUwz6Q?si=g0D0ury1F-abUiNW So.. I just finished watching this and I do distinctly remember being told in here that population collapse wasn't something to worry about... Well according to this it is... Leading cause is people not dating... Not having kids.... And we have roughly 30 years to do something about it... And before anyone goes yay less people.... It's not a good thing... So I guess the question is what are we going to do about it? Women don't want most men and most of us men are walking away from dating because the juice isn't worth the squeeze... But this is a problem that's global, on a macro scale...",,13,Gold_Supermarket1956,2024-02-01 07:32:07 PurplePillDebate,1afz9z8,I think many women realize a huge portion of their 'attraction' comes from 'limited access'.,"I was thinking about the way women use social media, dating apps and such and I've noticed a trend which I think transfers over to dating. One this apps it's very easy for a woman to completely control the way they're perceived. Everything from what their daily routine is, to how they look at any given time to what kind of personality they want to present. It's a world they're in complete control of and have the ability to make themselves anything they want to be. But for the average woman, even celebrities, it's not an image they are able to maintain in reality. Now there's obviously a disconnect from what they actually look like and what they believe they look like so no doubt this is going to have an impact on self esteem. Obviously, there's no way they can match the image they put out so what can they do? Limit access. Instead of going on dates in a reasonable time they can stay behind the façade they created getting the ego boost of lalaland because they know the reception won't be the same. The second you add reality to how a lot of women view themselves, it's a hit to the ego. I think most men would agree with this that most times, as you get to know a woman more that façade drops starting with that first date. Now at that point the real you is being judged, not the fake persona you've created. I think this phenomena is true in many aspects of womens lives outside of dating as well",,19,FutureBannedAccount2,2024-02-01 01:51:10 PurplePillDebate,1afle91,"Women will reject or lose interest in a guy for the most frivolous reasons, and then completely rule him out no matter what he does to redeem himself","The infamous “ick” can be triggered by the most innocuous or insignificant things such as texting back too fast/slow, saying ONE minor thing they thought was “weird” or that they didn’t understand, and oftentimes nothing at all. This is a product of two things - women’s abundance of options, no matter how mediocre they are, and their general lack of interest in or indifference to men relative to the inverse. This is responsible for the bulk of men’s frustrations, nothing whatsoever to do with blaming women for their “shortcomings” or refusal to wash their ass or whatever other gaslighting bullshit they spew here.",,102,The-Loop,2024-01-31 16:10:56 PurplePillDebate,1affm6f,Men have already lost the gender war and it's bound to get worse,"Here are some reasons why women are winning the culture war. \-Contrary to what some manosphereans say, artificial wombs will not help men in any way whatsoever. If anything it will help women become even more independent of men. How do I know this? Because surrogacy is already available and it's mostly used by gays and rich women/couples. Artificial wombs will not be any different, most men don't have the drive to become single dads. Artificial wombs will only extent the time window in which women can have kids, making men even more unnecessary. \-Young men are unmotivated, don't work much, don't attend college. Women outshine them again and again in most metrics. This combined with affirmative action will inevitably lead to a record number of women in positions of power. \-Most men are so sedated by porn and video games that they will never rebel, no matter how ""alienated"" they are. A lot of jobs will be automated, others will be covered by immigrants. \-We see no indication that women are lowering their standards in any way, if anything TikTok has glamorized the luxurious lifestyle so much, that women's standards are getting higher. \-Promiscuous women and single mothers don't get penalized in any way whatsoever and can easily find a man at any age, provided they are willing to lower their standards a bit. I literally know a 47 yo single mother seriously dating a 35 yo single dad. \-Women don't feel threatened by AI girlfriends and sex bots and secretly feel relieved that low status men will focus on these things instead of bothering them. \-Taylor Swift being the top artist right now and a billionaire says all you need to know about the hold that women have on culture.",,123,Novel-Tip-7570,2024-01-31 11:19:34 PurplePillDebate,1afy89r,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, personal advice and memes in this thread. Here you can post everything that doesn't warrant its own thread or just do some socializing. Personal advice posting, research posts, non-TOS breaking rants, links to other locations with limited context as conversation topics **(must use np links for reddit)**, and things would be considered low effort posts are allowed in the daily thread. **Do not bring other PPD threads into the daily thread. Do not post PPD threads deserving of their own post in the daily thread.** The intent of the daily thread is not that it should replace PPD and become a place where users can avoid the rules of the subreddit. Attempting to do this will be considered circlejerking and moderated as such. **Black Pill/Incel Content/Woe-Is-Me is still banned in the daily thread. Witch hunting and insults are also still banned in the daily thread. Relegated topics must still go to in the weekly threads for those topics.** Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,10,AutoModerator,2024-02-01 01:01:12 PurplePillDebate,1aflv8t,What is the point of casual sex/short term?,"*ESPECIALLY* if you've decided that marriage is too risky, feminism/dating/apps/\[insert boogeyman here\] has irrevocably ruined society and made it impossible to trust women. The obvious answer might be the obvious and honest one: *Make pp feel good.* Maybe that's the long and short of it (no pun intended): but how does this look in the long run? Without the ultimate, biological purpose behind it (as well as, for the more romantically inclined, the idea of having an actual connection or relationship), the long-term seems somewhat depressing to me, especially as a man gets older. Is the idea just that eventually your sex drive will get weaker, so you won't have to have that awkward old guy problem of not really being attractive anymore and being alone? What about the STI danger? Especially now that good time girls today are likely to have been with more men than would have been the case in the past because of dating apps (the same reasons not to trust women in marriage can also be put forward as to why you shouldn't trust women at all). In this way, the MeToo and other social problems are making short-term things and casual stuff extremely risky in precisely the same way TRP always said bloop stuff like marriage and having a girlfriend are. As unwise as marriage might be said to be in the modern age, isn't it even crazier to risk ruining your life over what is at the end of the day just a more primal form of cheap entertainment, basically? TRP is looking more and more like another kind of bluepill to me.",,14,Secret_Sorbet_9674,2024-01-31 16:30:57 PurplePillDebate,1afhyx1,Do you guys think AI humanoid girlfriends will be popular in the future?,"Consider the rise of sexlessness, loneliness, sadness and bullying. We all obviously know social media is the catalyst. In fact, social media opened the road for that shit. Nowadays, women have a lot more higher expectations of a man than before because of social media giving women the ability to see others. Every men are lacking motivation, not going to uni or college and sitting around playing video games all day whilst women are doing the opposite.",,11,Tuco_Salamanca_facts,2024-01-31 13:34:57 PurplePillDebate,1afek8a,Q4M: have you ever made it work with a woman who’s has a past?,"I’m genuinely curious to see the responses. What I mean by a past is a woman who’s has more life experience than you. More sexual experiences, travelling, social, work, etc. I’ve been on Reddit for about 7ish years officially but been on here longer with other accounts. One thing remains the same over the years. Men, who are inexperienced and haven’t had the opportunity to go out into the world and experience things and grow are often resentful when they meet a woman who’s in the same age group as them but clearly is far ahead of them in all aspects of life. When I see these posts on relationships and dating subs, or any other subs related to that. The men often get called insecure and are ridiculed for wanting someone on the same level as them. Just curious to see what the responses are going to be.",,19,man0steel93,2024-01-31 10:07:46 PurplePillDebate,1afvq7w,"If paternity tests were to become mandatory, we would also need a database with every man's DNA to compare them to.","If paternity tests were to become mandatory, we would also need a way to make sure there's a way to find the actual father. Since a man who is not the child's actual father isn't required to provide for them, there needs to be a way to find the actual father in these cases. There are scenarios where a woman could get pregnant and not know who the father is. If there's a way to track down the baby daddy, that lessens the burden on the state and ensures that the child know who their real father is. To make this happen, there would need to be a database containing every man's DNA. Providing DNA to this database would also have to be mandatory for every man. If men had the option to not provide their DNA, that would mean they could potentially sire a child and not have to pay child support. Men are not entitled to a ""get out of jail free"" card where they can knock someone up and shirk the resulting responsibilities. And since a child's parentage would then be known for sure, that would make a lot of things in the legal system way faster. Deadbeat dads would be able to be tracked down and forced to pay owed child support. Kids wouldn't think they have the genetics of someone who isn't their real dad. All thanks to a database with every man's DNA.",,3,GGMcThroway,2024-01-31 23:10:07 PurplePillDebate,1ag68by,Do men require more support than women?,"Women are perceived to be weaker than men. To add, even though they had some advantages in the past, they were still not allowed to own property (in some places typically the Muslim states while the West has seen more female monarchs and also in ancient Egypt), not allowed education (with some exceptions of being homeschooled), etc. Crime rates are directly proportional to women's safety in civilizations yet countries are ranked as best to worst in terms of women's safety rather than crime rates. There is no denying women are more likely to be victims of sexual assault and domestic violence. Also, laws are made so that women are encouraged to report harassment crimes and they feel a safe space while reporting such. This brings us to our question. Do men require more support than women? Women are given support in the sense that they cannot look after themselves, are also perceived to be weak, and are less likely to report or complain. Although this tells the opposite, that women complain more than men. [https://go.gale.com/ps/i.do?id=GALE%7CA158833889&sid=googleScholar&v=2.1&it=r&linkaccess=abs&issn=87554550&p=LitRC&sw=w&userGroupName=anon%7E33fc2f5c&aty=open-web-entry#:\~:text=Even%20when%20complaining%20is%20discussed,men%20(Boxer%2C%201996)](https://go.gale.com/ps/i.do?id=GALE%7CA158833889&sid=googleScholar&v=2.1&it=r&linkaccess=abs&issn=87554550&p=LitRC&sw=w&userGroupName=anon%7E33fc2f5c&aty=open-web-entry#:~:text=Even%20when%20complaining%20is%20discussed,men%20(Boxer%2C%201996)). A survey showing women worked less hours than men still complained more.[https://www.cnbc.com/2015/06/29/women-feel-more-burned-out-at-work-survey.html](https://www.cnbc.com/2015/06/29/women-feel-more-burned-out-at-work-survey.html) Also, men tend to exhibit more stoicism than women, [https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886907004473](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886907004473) As pointed out by the women, men only complain about their struggles when women do (most of the women here have experienced this) otherwise they don't give a shit. Would that be due to stoicism? Also if a class is unlikely to complain about being uncomfortable, shouldn't they be getting more support? Isn't the premise that women should get more support as they are unable to report harassment applicable in this case too? &#x200B;",,0,thedarkracer,2024-02-01 08:23:37 PurplePillDebate,1aewgss,[STUDY] There exists a positive correlation between being a bully and success in dating and sexual relationships,"https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1474704915613909 ""We conducted two studies in which the relation between bullying behavior and both dating and sexual behavior were examined in a sample of younger adolescents and a sample of older adolescents. Consistent with most of the previous literature on aggression, we predicted that dating and sexual behavior would be significantly related to bullying. We predicted that bullies would report higher levels of dating and sexual activity."" ""In both studies, bullying was significantly positively correlated with having dated, number of dating partners, having had sexual activity, and number of sexual partners. In Study 1, it was positively associated with an interest in dating, and in Study 2, it was positively associated with self-perceived attractiveness and negatively associated with age of first sexual experience."" ""In Study 2, being male, a bully, a victim, or attractive were all positive predictors of number of dating partners (combining to explain roughly 30% of the variance in the model)."" ""The effects of bullying on sexual behavior appear to be generally independent of individual perceptions of attractiveness, likeability, age, and sex. We found several univariate and multivariate links between bullying and dating as well (especially among an older, more experienced sample)"" ""If bullying does indeed lead to an increase in sexual opportunities, it will no doubt be difficult to shift the behavioral patterns of adolescents who enjoy such an outcome.""",,101,Brazil_doesnt_exist,2024-01-30 19:08:37 PurplePillDebate,1aezwlg,How come it is almost never considered that a guy can develop feelings for a woman he is friends with and that he just became friends to get into her pants?,"As a guy who's heavily struggled with dating and knows some others who heavily struggle with dating, we are often told to try and become friends with women first, get to know them as people, etc. before trying to take things on a romantic level. However, I've noticed that when I sometimes report back that the friendship was somewhat turned awkward or even ruined after asking them out, I get told ""well maybe you shouldn't have become friends with her just in the hopes of sex."" I find it interesting that it is never taken into account that you can naturally develop feelings for friends, rather than having an exterior motive. And at times, the advice seems somewhat contradicting. People are told to get to know women first, but then if that fails people say ""make your interest known fast or else you'll be seen as a friend."" But when people do make their interest known fast, I'm told that it is using a friend for the hopes of sex. I've always found this somewhat contradicting advice interesting and would like to hear others thoughts about the topic.",,65,Last-Application-860,2024-01-30 21:28:32 PurplePillDebate,1af689m,Was the Gender War a Psyops?,"I remember back in the 2010s feeling that something just... wasn't quite right about the gender wars thing. Something about it felt manufactured deliberately. Like they needed a generation of obedient slaves that could not afford to get married, have kids, or meet many of the traditional markers of adulthood and so they generated a segregation of the sexes in a really vitriolic way to cause a rift. ",,17,Anonymowzz12,2024-01-31 02:01:52 PurplePillDebate,1af7d3x,What benefits do you value most in a long term monogamous relationship / marriage?,"To keep this question tractable here are a list of possible benefits someone can derive from being in a long term monogamous relationship / marriage. I’m sure there are more, but for discussion sake let’s work off the following list: 1. Emotional support - Provides comfort and support during trying times 2. Companionship - Not being alone 3. Sex - And all other exclusive forms of physical intimacy 4. Emotional intimacy - Someone you can be completely vulnerable with 5. Stability - Sense of stability that comes with being in a committed relationship 6. Social benefits - Wider social net, approval by society, etc 7. Financial benefits 8. Partner for chasing shared goals 9. Children Please rank the above list and state whether you’re a man or woman.",,12,BuiltForTruth,2024-01-31 02:57:22 PurplePillDebate,1aewt6q,"Society is finished, terminal stage","I think the reason men and women are so alienated is because we are in terminal stage of our society. Once even the most basic low level bonds between men and women are gone, that’s it it goes down to the most basic biological level, your society is finished I believe we are right now in the 11th hour for America and much of the world, once things can’t go on they stop going on. The entire society is about to have a massive heart attack in fact I would argue we are having the heart attack right now",,48,a-child-of-mary,2024-01-30 19:22:10 PurplePillDebate,1aewai3,Red Pill analysis of relationship power dynamics between men and women inevitably leads to supporting ‘traditionalism’ or ‘patriarchy’ as it only thing that can theoretically limit or destroy ‘womens power.’,"I've made a previous thread about how it seemed tradcons have taken over the red pill movement and most commenters seem to agree that this was the case. I wanted to explore why that is and have some theories. One thing I found interesting when looking at the career trajectory of many prominent red pill figures is how many end going down the path of religious fundamentalism or alt right politics. I can think of several red pill figures who fit this profile - Rooshv, Sneako, Andrew Tate, Hearsite etc, so I think it's interesting phenomenon to examine. Many red pill enthusiast will say that red pill ideology isn't political but it's not hard notice that most prominent red pill voices on social media at least have a bent towards supporting rw politics, Myron Gaines, Pearlythingz, etc. Heck there's an entire ‘movement’ of former red pill gurus under the organization [21 Studios](https://21studios.com/) who's entire mission statement is restablishing the patriarchy in the West. So why do so many former or current red pill gurus turn to supporting traditionalism or the far right if red pill as an ideology isn't meant to be political? The obvious answer is that they are grifters just following what's popular at the moment, but why is this certain gift successful then? In my opinion its has to do with red pill analysis of men and women relationship dynamics. One thing I notice is a lot men who are in to red pill view their relationships as a constant power struggle between men and women. In the red pill ideology, the only way for men to maintain the upper hand in a relationship he needs to have power over the woman. There's a deep fear if they don't maintain an alpha persona, their wife/gf will leave or cuck them for a more handsome, Alpha, richer, etc man. This [tweet](https://x.com/lawselfdefense/status/1724969221816254477?s=46) by a prominent rw red pill follower, encapsulates the mentality I'm talking about. He’s telling men if they don't act a certain way, that means their wives will cheat on them. Now for the average man constantly having to do different little things to maintain their edge or power in relationship would be exhausting. Instead limiting or destroying what gives women their power in the first place would be logical. Many redpillers believe women only act this way is because society allows them thanks to women empowerment and economic independence, so destroying the things that empower women is the way for men to gain the upper hand in relationships. This is why I believe most red pill ideology inevitably leads to supporting traditionalism or patriarchy or Rw politics. In another thread I made I had comments from guys saying they wanted to get rid of all welfare to make more women dependent on men. If you had that belief then you would likely vote for rw politicians. I also remember a pastor complaining that many of young men who proclaimed themselves to be religious had [nasty attitudes like this](https://x.com/pravdapolina/status/1725614570952147451?s=46) towards women online, because they were under the false impression that conservative Christianity meant all women had to obey any men, even ones who aren’t their husband. Some redpillers who aren't as caught up on race, prefer Islam have the same impression. Some rather stay in the West and re-establish a patriarchy through political advocacy would prefer to go abroad where they can leverage their money and status to get a submissive woman, I saw many passport bros for example praising this [video](https://x.com/leamaric/status/1725497042603045361?s=46) of a western man buying a wife in Philippines village. All in all, my big point is red pill ideology logically leads back to the support of traditionalism and patriarchy.",,38,SapphireRising225,2024-01-30 19:01:38 PurplePillDebate,1afw1yf,Could atheism by the reason behind the alienation of men and women?,"Hear me out. The most famous romantic literature in the west has been written by Christians/Jews. From the Arthurian legends and Romeo and Juliet to the bible itself (e.g. Song of Songs). These are the works that inform our age old perceptions of romantic love. Even if you are an atheist, your cultural ideas about love and commitment come from Christians. CS Lewis has done a great job explaining the Christian view of [sex](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-RkZXZx6HCI) and [marriage](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7AXi4-_HPRk) in Mere Christianity. TL;DW Christianity endorses the long term quiet love that can be found in marriage over the quick thrill love that dominates our culture which consists of starting relationships, having sex and breaking up as soon as you no longer turn each other on. So, the question is: Could it be that our atheist society is trying to live out a uniquely Christian fantasy and inevitably fails? If you look at global statistics, atheism is correlated with high divorce rates, celibacy and ageing population. Japan (62% atheist) is famous for its [hikikomori](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hikikomori), [herbivore men](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Herbivore_men) and low birth rates. China (74% atheist) is experiencing [record low birth rates and marriages](https://www.statista.com/chart/31238/marriage-and-birth-rate-in-china/) even after the one-child-policy has been revoked. Admittedly, this is anecdotal evidence, but I've heard from people who lived China for a period that you see entire groups of men sitting at home all day gambling, marriage and relationships not even coming up as a possibility. Finally in the US, as the number of the religiously unaffiliated rises, so rises the number or NEETs and incels. On the other hand, religious countries in Latin America, Africa and the Islamic world have the highest birth rates on earth. The fact is that atheist romance is selfish and hedonistic. An atheist marriage is as good as the orgasms it produces. When the intense romance of the first year fades away then they both conclude that interest between them has died and then shining object syndrome takes over. This, I think, is why a lot of people today don't bother with relationships at all. Relationships today are, in effect, a very tedious form of masturbation. They are built on purely selfish gratification and quick thrills. In religious societies, marriage and long-term commitment are considered the highest forms of love and this motivates even the shy and unattractive people in that society to improve themselves and seek out this higher love. This mode is also ideal for raising children which is why their birth rate is so high. From that perspective, Atheism is a defective gene (or meme more accurately). Religious societies always outbreed secular ones. (Disclaimer: I am not saying that atheists cannot have happy relationships. What I am saying is that as a social trend, atheism seems to be correlated with an overall nihilism about life and long-term relationships)",,0,TimeConsideration336,2024-01-31 23:23:48 PurplePillDebate,1af1rb1,The Best Way To Meet Women Based On Your Personal Attributes. (Statistics),"Yesterday, I sent out a link to a quiz which tells users the best way to meet women based on their personal attributes. Below is an analysis of the data based on 203 results, for those of you who are interested. I will not be posting the link here but you can find it by going to my page. **These are the responses from 203 people who have taken the survey. Here are the results:** 28% of people got meeting women through joining hobbies related to their interests. 20% of people got meeting women through an online community. 19% of people got meeting women through bars and nightclubs. 14% of people got meeting women through mainstream dating apps. 7% of people got meeting women through their friends. 3% of people got meeting women through church.Less than 1% got meeting women through daygame/cold approach Less than 1% got meeting women by going to a different country Less than 1% got meeting women through a mail order bride. **On A Scale of 1-10, how physically attractive do you think you are?** The most common response was 7/10 with 25.6% of the votes following by 6/10 with 22.3% of the votes and 5/10 with 22.1% of the votes. Only 19.8% people thought they were below average looking. **Do you make friends easily?** 49% of people voted no while 51% of people voted yes. **How tall are you?** 32.4% of respondents reported being under 5 ft 9. **Would you rather first meet a girl by talking to her in person or texting her?** 39% would rather meet her in person first, while 52.6% are okay with both. 8.4% would prefer texting first. **How religious are you?** 66.3% of people reported not being religious at all. 27.8% are religious but not serious about it, while 5.9% of people are serious about their faith. **Do you like going to bars?** Around half of people like going to bars while the other half does not. **On a scale of 1-5, how extroverted are you?** 45.3% of people consider themselves a 2 or lower. 54.7% of people think they're a 3 or higher. **On a scale of 1-5, how good are your social skills?** 23.6% of people consider themselves a 2 or lower. 76.4% of people think they're a 3 or higher. **Are you open to dating someone who lives 100+ miles away?** 69% said no while 30.6% said yes. **You've been talking to a girl online for a week and after going on a date with her, she leaves you on read. How does this make you feel?** 72.3% of people reported a negative feeling with getting rejected. 6.4% would be completely devastated. **You walk up to a girl you like and introduce yourself. She brushes you off and walks away from you mid conversation. How does this make you feel?** 73.2% of people reported a negative feeling with getting rejected. 5.5% would be completely devastated. **Have you been diagnosed with social anxiety or autism?** 78.3% said no. 11.5% reported having social anxiety disorder while 6.8% reported having autism. **What kind of relationship are you looking for?** 41.9% are looking for an exclusive relationship while 20.2% are ready to get married. 21.7% want to hookup while 16.2% are down for a one night stand.",,13,KingOnixTheThird,2024-01-30 22:43:02 PurplePillDebate,1aemitu,Are women not getting approached anymore?,"I have never been approached by a guy. Cause lack of approaching experiences I've been without a single kiss my entire life, my lips have never touched anothers. I have never turned down a guy, simply because nobody has ever asked me out on a date cause they wanted me. I'm quite shy, cause of it, case of introversion. Although when people get to know me, I am polite, and bubbly. I talk a lot, I love having in depth conversations, I love helping other people, I'm very loyal and so genuine. I don't go out often much though as an adult, since I don't drink or do drugs. It's harder to meet people in that early roaring 20s time. Sometimes I wonder if it's my nose, or if my face is just really unattractive, but I am not overweight at all, I'm slim, I go to the gym constanty, etc. I try dressing a lot more nicer, sometimes putting makeup on, still feel I have no luck. I don't have luck making friends either. Just lonely and getting older, and older. At this point I think something might be wrong with me like I must be borderline ugly. Yet online friends (men, and women) will be shocked when they see photos of me, and get attracted to me, but I don't think I'm anything special. How do you guys meet people? Any women experience something similar?",,83,ShouldBeSad,2024-01-30 11:44:06 PurplePillDebate,1aetwqw,Do people really want marriage or just the photo ops of marriage?,"I came across this podcast and this clip stood out to me. I thought it was an interesting topic of discussion. The question is, Do people want marriage or just the image of marriage? In the clip he says that women are getting married because they want the wedding and a honeymoon to take pictures for. Men are getting married because they want to keep having sex with the woman or because it's what society says they should do. He mentions not disappointing your parents. But people don't want the everyday responsibilities of marriage. https://streamable.com/3oyciy",,17,shadowrangerfs,2024-01-30 17:26:28 PurplePillDebate,1afjtvi,"Accepting the ""red pill"" framing is a trap","Hey there PPD. Been a while. I wrote one of the depthhub links quite some time ago (believe me, or don't, idc). I see little has changed. Like a black hole distorting and ultimately trapping light, TRP exists to subtly, inexorably bend the thoughts of those who interact with it into a tail-eating ouroboros of seductively simple, self-reinforcing bullshit. And it all starts with the choice of the name. There's a lot to unpack here, really. The association with the coolness and revelation and rebellion and unquestionable rightness and acceptance of a harsh but indisputable reality of The Matrix is an obvious benefit. People want to be part of a narrative like that, to feel like they can capture and own some of that energy in their mundane lives. You get to live on the Nebuchadnezzar, but with blackjack and bitches and misogyny. TRP boys are larping The Matrix except the machines are vulvas. There's Rule 34 somewhere already, you know it. Sure, that's all pretty funny. I mean, it really is funny until you remember we're talking about real effects on real people and then it's just sad. Eh, no it's still kinda funny, I can't deny it. But that's not what I'm here to talk about. I'm here to talk about how the name, and acceptance of the name, immediately gives TRP way too much credit. ""Red"" vs ""Blue"", where ""Blue"" is understood to really mean ""Not Red"". It doesn't have any existence of its own, this poor ""Blue"", it's just what Red is not. Only two options, where the boundaries of thinking about the Not Red option are entirely defined in terms of the Red. The reality? TRP is merely one in a tired, predictable sequence of barely-separable, selfish tantrums filled with projected unprocessed pain and frustration and entitlement. It's *boring* outside of it's very successful marketing. Bog-standard self-help advice with an exciting name, a convenient target, and drama-queen theatrical edginess. Beyond this impoverished dead-end of ideas is where so much is possible. Not two colored pills in two hands, no; instead, a bright candy store of opportunities, where in one small dusty corner they keep some tins of stale, dry tablets that would be bland if they weren't so bitter. The edgy kids eat them to feel different and cool and probably because they kind of hate themselves right then, and want to believe that better candy isn't possible. Otherwise they'd have to be disappointed in *themselves* for not being able to enjoy it. There is no RP. There is no BP. There is the massive ocean of human thought, in which some stagnant, rancid, shallow pools naturally form sometimes, none particularly more interesting than another. Why bother staring at them? Those poor little fish tho, angrily asserting that it's *everyone else* who is trapped, having desperately imagined the rest of the wide sea as only a mirror image of their own tiny puddle. After all, how could anything better exist? What would that make them? Don't accept the framing, friends. I say from now on, TRP stands for ""tiny rancid puddle"". Edit: Wow, so many comment downvoters. I'll take each as a concession.",,0,FatherFigureWB,2024-01-31 15:02:33 PurplePillDebate,1ael4di,Why do so many female offenders get a boyfriend/husband easily?,"Karla Homolka, Gypsy Rose Blanchard, Jordan Worth all found men with ease after they got released from prison. Okay, Gypsy Rose is an exception as her case was special. But the other two are monsters and there is no excuse. Elizabeth Holmes also found a man pretty easily after the Theranos scandal. We often hear about female hybristophilia. But why do some men date these women? &#x200B;",,29,Novel-Tip-7570,2024-01-30 10:12:03 PurplePillDebate,1aetoer,Some people are “relationship material” and others are just “casual sex/hookup material” and that’s okay,"I see this thought process all the time, given, the men on this sub are more vocal about it but both genders tend to get very butthurt about the idea of some people being seen as ‘relationship material’ while others are just seen as ‘casual sex and/or hookup material’ - and sure, while the terming may be a bit crude, it is true. Though there is this funny irony where more women tend to be pissed about not being relationship material, while more men tend to be more pissed about not being hookup material. With that being said, just cause some people view you as suitable for one side, others will view you as the other - to one person you might be perfect for a hookup, and to others you might be perfect for a relationship - and that’s fine. I also think it is silly to get angry over what you’re not, as frankly, sometimes you don’t have the traits that fit what a certain person is looking for. For a lot of the guys pissed about not being hookup material and take that as a shot to your self worth, at the end of the day, people who are looking for hookup are looking for superficial fun, ie. you kinda have to be more outwardly attractive and get things going in the moment - the “slow build” literally makes no sense in this context as the objective is to just have sex and nothing else. Not being ‘hookup material’ isn’t an insult, it just isn’t in your strengths. (that being said if you find yourself being neither, then it’s probably worth some self reflecting) For the women pissed about not being relationship material, I think it is worth asking yourself if the kind of guys you’re trying to get are a match for your values or lifestyle - cause if that fundamentally compatible, then a relationship straight up can’t happen. Don’t go looking for fish in a swimming pool. (of course, if all you seem to be doing is getting guys who just want to hookup - maybe ask yourself why that is the case and what you could do to surround yourself with better people or why you default to such men - and yes, there is the aspect of men faking interest for sex, and while that is an issue, once it becomes a pattern it does call for reevaluation of one’s self)",,6,KayRay1994,2024-01-30 17:17:13 PurplePillDebate,1aebwju,The idea women are loved unconditionally,"Is both false and patronizing. It's been said frequently (on this sub) that only children, pets, and women are loved unconditionally. First- who exactly is providing this ""love?"" This is something that the men who complain about it pretend to want. But who is unconditionally loving these 3 groups? Second- are you seeing a possible pattern? Pets and children are loved unconditionally? Why- because they are simple, innocent, lack sense, are mindlessly devoted (perhaps these are actually the parties that actually provide unconditional love). Lumping women in with pets and children is a way of infantalizing women- implying they (we) are simple, limited, pure, innocent- incapable of being true adults. In summation this is neither true nor something to strive for. CMV.",,57,wouldbepandananny,2024-01-30 01:13:40 PurplePillDebate,1aecf56,What is the actual reason why men get shamed for having preferences?,"I wanted to discuss this But why are men called names and shamed when they state what they prefer in a women? It seems when women state what they seek in a man they are encouraged and supported. But if a man wants a traditional women or wants a particular type of women he is often shamed and called names? Is this due to modern society and feminism which has lead women to believe that they should be accepted for who they are regardless of any deficiencies? e.g. the fat acceptance movement/plus size model movement? Therefore feel personally offended when a man does not want a particular trait in a women?",,44,ShelterNo2786,2024-01-30 01:38:06 PurplePillDebate,1aeehj4,How big of a concern would it be for you if your children/potential children reached adult age without any romantic success?,"So as someone who struggles pretty heavily with dating, I do get comments from my parents that indicate that they are somewhat disappointed that I haven’t been able to reach any milestones/have success in that area. While I have seen on Reddit parents say that they wouldn’t care if their child wasn’t that successful dating/they don’t think about that stuff, it seems a lot do agree that having successful romantic relationships/experiences are important. So, if your kid had gone through high school/college etc with no dates, prom, romantic experiences, etc. would you be concerned or would you not think about it much?",,27,Last-Application-860,2024-01-30 03:17:00 PurplePillDebate,1aen06t,Do people really want marriage or just the photo ops of marriage?,"I came across this podcast and this clip stood out to me. I thought it was an interesting topic of discussion. The question is, Do people want marriage or just the image of marriage? https://streamable.com/3oyciy",,4,shadowrangerfs,2024-01-30 12:12:48 PurplePillDebate,1af2ef8,Is It real that Russian/ukranian women are goldiggers or they care about Money like every women?," I know women in general search for providers in relationships, I had some Russian women that made fun my job since It Is seen as non professional and also I dont earn that much. Some of them see that as something bad for your status too, they def would prefer saying ' I'm dating a doctor ' instead of dating a garbage man. Lets be real and not politically correct,how important Is for estern european women to have someone who earn good Money?",,0,Dependent_Loquat2508,2024-01-30 23:09:22 PurplePillDebate,1afdbbl,“Males shouldn’t be jealous that is a female trait.” Jay-Z hit the nail on the head with that statement.,"As a guy, you’re supposed to embody that you’re the shit, getting jealous and being controlling is a woman’s job. You can’t stop a woman from cheating, but you can choose someone that has the same qualities that you have like character and integrity. Jealousy is so feminine, there shouldn’t be room in a man’s heart for that type of XX shit. I never worry about that shit because I know that I can always find someone else if it doesn’t work out. I’m not going to beg and plead for a person to stay because she should be lucky enough to know that I chose her out of all the others, I’m the prize and I don’t have to worry about no 2nd best when I know I am the best, she’ll find out there.",,0,A-Problem-Eliminator,2024-01-31 08:37:08 PurplePillDebate,1ae0rew,"Women base most of their “preferences” on trends and what is popular, and are far more influenced by what other women think than even their own instincts - the whole 6 foot thing is a perfect example","Women have always preferred taller men, but the explosion of social media and online dating have taken it to levels of absurdity, to the point that a large percentage of women now have it as a non-negotiable requirement regardless of what they themselves have to offer or how stubby they are (hence the memes of 4’11” women stating their requirement that men be 6’5.”) Take Jacob Elordi for example. The guy has a very weird looking face, like a 13th century European peasant, or a creepy doll or one of those mirror images of half of someone’s face. But boom 6’5” international heartthrob. Pete Davidson, Post Malone and MGK additional examples, guys look homeless. Then you have women desiring men who are taken or even married. It’s all about conformity and competitiveness rather than nature and instinct. Everything else is secondary. Automod",,52,The-Loop,2024-01-29 17:25:15 PurplePillDebate,1aea7ng,Are relationship worth it?,"In every single relationship the more responsibilities you get, the more privilege you get. Having more responsibilities without privilege is useless. But in modern dating, the privileges given to and the responsibilities expected of men are not allocated properly over the course of a relationship to incentivize his commitment. Like, if at this moment a man doesn't wish to start a family, I don't see the benefits of a LTR (long term relationship ) over an FWB situation (friend with benefits). Everything you get in an LTR you can have it in a good FWB situation without the added cost. Dear men, what do you think ? &#x200B; &#x200B;",,17,Otherwise_Possible2,2024-01-29 23:55:10 PurplePillDebate,1aewk3b,The number of women having casual sex is highly exaggerated,"Women are far less horny than men, and require a multitude of circumstances to get in the mood and actually agree to have sex. This idea that we live in some “hook up” culture and that women are sleeping with 30+ men by 25 is nonsense. Most people, both men and women have fewer than 10 partners their entire lives. This is for one reason and one reason only - women are not anywhere near as horny as men. If men could, they would sleep with as many women as possible. Lastly, the idea that there is some behind the scenes orgy or ONE stud rotating dozens of chicks is also nonsense.",,0,The-Loop,2024-01-30 19:12:17 PurplePillDebate,1aexfcp,Being girlfriend zoned is worse than being sex zoned,"Being “girlfriend zoned” is worse than being classified as “sex only” for women. Men act like the worst thing that could happen to a woman is to be used for sex and then discarded or in a situationship with a man who doesn’t respect her. While those things do suck, usually the woman knows where she stands and knows not to do anything serious with the guy like have kids. And these dynamics usually do not last long. In fact, what’s worse is when a woman is classified as “girlfriend material” but not “wife material”. This doesn’t apply to couples where both people agree that they don’t care about getting legally married. This is a situation where the girlfriend wants to get married, the boyfriend has made promises regarding marriage or has hinted at marriage in the future, but has no intention to actually get married any time soon. They may spend years together, have kids together, live together as husband and wife live together, but the boyfriend has no real intention of taking things into a marriage while the girlfriend does. Even worse is when the girlfriend does get married, but the husband doesn’t fully consider her his dream girl and will leave or cheat once the opportunity presents itself. Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher are an example of this. Another example is how Brad Pitt left Jennifer Aniston for Angelina Jolie And if/ when the relationship falls apart, the woman gets treated poorly by men. She’s old, undesirable, and in even worse shape than the woman who was used for sex then discarded. She lost years of time over a few months of time. She may even end up a single mom. And men tell her she should have known better, picked better, etc.",,0,Economy-Shake-1448,2024-01-30 19:47:16 PurplePillDebate,1ae0mak,Predictions for how the dating market will look 100yrs from now?,"Most developed nations have a birth rate that is 'below replacement level'. Japan is dealing with dying population problems that the USA will probably experience in the next century. It's clear that most women find most men unattractive and men are doing progressively worse with each new study that is published. We all know that a recession is coming. Do you see a dystopia where most men and women die alone within the coming years? Or maybe the government implements some form of UBI to help? I just want to know what are the realistic consequences that we'll have to face. Ignoring this is NOT an option ",,28,jhunter2015,2024-01-29 17:19:35 PurplePillDebate,1adyntt,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, personal advice and memes in this thread. Here you can post everything that doesn't warrant its own thread or just do some socializing. Personal advice posting, research posts, non-TOS breaking rants, links to other locations with limited context as conversation topics **(must use np links for reddit)**, and things would be considered low effort posts are allowed in the daily thread. **Do not bring other PPD threads into the daily thread. Do not post PPD threads deserving of their own post in the daily thread.** The intent of the daily thread is not that it should replace PPD and become a place where users can avoid the rules of the subreddit. Attempting to do this will be considered circlejerking and moderated as such. **Black Pill/Incel Content/Woe-Is-Me is still banned in the daily thread. Witch hunting and insults are also still banned in the daily thread. Relegated topics must still go to in the weekly threads for those topics.** Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,12,AutoModerator,2024-01-29 16:00:09 PurplePillDebate,1aesifr,Why is it normalized for women to be irritable and thus yell at their partners when before they menstruate or are pregnant?,"Often it seems like hormones whether aware of them or not are either used as an excuse or they don’t know that they are losing their composure because they can’t introspectively analyze their actions. I’ve seen some TikTok’s that relate to this and the comments also have people who can empathize. https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZPR3L3mH1/ In my experience with my partner it’s difficult to make her aware that she is irrationally angry with me when she doesn’t think that she is angry herself. She has trouble realizing her voice is incredibly loud even in public. She doesn’t understand that if she’s angry she needs to communicate how she feels. I feel like it’s not uncommon either. I have 4 sisters who each experience similar symptoms and will act in irritable and destructive ways until my mom calls them out for their hormones before it’s just a silly thing to laugh about.",,0,oddkidmatt,2024-01-30 16:31:05 PurplePillDebate,1aeqnzr,Whose fault is it in a deadbedroom?,"Is the man to blame for not being attractive enough for the wife to be sexually aroused? The idea being that the wife imagined someone better and if the couple is not having sex, the husband is undesirable. Especially in today’s society of casual sex, the woman might have had sex with a former boyfriend or even casually hooked up with a conventionally attractive man (tall, muscular, athletic etc.). So if the marriage is sexless, it must mean that the woman sees the husband as someone sexually undesirable right? Edit: I'm thinking maybe I need to refresh my stance. I was thinking on the lines I've read in Redpill content which says during young age women sleep with conventionally attractive men and later they marry a good provider guy despite low attraction. This guy gets less sex. That may be true in some cases but it may not be 100% accurate. ",,0,FixBlueBalls,2024-01-30 15:13:21 PurplePillDebate,1aei0kp,It’s become socially acceptable in America for women to lie about sexual abuse,"Reason I say this is because of very recent events show it. Vince McMahon is now being sued by his former escort and he is given no benefit of the doubt. He was forced off WWE board of directors. But with AEW the other major wrestling company they had a female lawyer rumored to be sleeping with the wrestlers. She also works as the lawyer for an NFL team. Yet she was defended when these rumors came to light. That is a double standard. Danny Masterson goes to prison for something he allegedly did 20 years ago without evidence just because women said so. Trevor Bauer gets cleared and it’s proven his accuser lied yet he can’t get a job in MLB. What about Brian Banks the star Iowa player who went to prison for years and his NFL career ruined and when his friends got the accuser to admit she lied nothing happened to her? How can any one not see this?",,0,lostacoshermanos,2024-01-30 06:35:30 PurplePillDebate,1adl61c,Q4W: Who is the most romantically/sexually unsuccessful woman you know? What’s their personality like? Describe her.,"We have a bunch of threads about examples of [chronically](https://np.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/106gieo/who_is_your_most_unsuccessful_romantically_and/) [single men](https://np.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/v7qj5i/women_do_you_know_any_sexually_less_than/) so I’m curious to hear from the other side. Ladies, who’s the most romantically unsuccessful woman you know in real life? Just has complete shit luck with men. A “femcel” if you will. 1. What are they like? (personality) 2. What type of men do they typically go after? 3. Why don’t they manage to make a relationship work? (If they even get to that point) 4. What do they look like? 5. Do you think it’s because of their looks or something else? Are they overweight? Ugly? 6. Are they bitter and angry about their success or have they mostly accepted it?",,25,TourAcrobatic3005,2024-01-29 03:14:48 PurplePillDebate,1ad3d56,"Why do women seem to get ""the ick"" over the most innocuous things these days?","* **man losing attraction because her labia is too big** *""pornsick coomer who doesn't know what a real woman's body looks like!""* * **woman getting the ick over a man doing slightly feminine thing** *""her* natural *defense mechanism which* is there for a reason"" I'm not even gonna argue the validity of these ""turn-offs"" , to each their own. But if we can agree that men who consume a lot of high-production porn get their ideals molded to an extent by this type of media which sets a unrealistic expectation around female bodies and sex, then what type of media are young women these consuming for the ick trend to be such a thing even serious outlets are now writing about?",,176,HardTimes4Vampires,2024-01-28 14:04:54 PurplePillDebate,1ado1ji,What do you suppose influences hypergamy from in a systemic social context?,"I don't think it is a mystery at all to know what guys think is attractive and what they place a lot of value on. Mainstream media and society have pushed this longer than most of us have been born. However, I believe that society largely influences what we are attracted to, and how we go about our interactions with the opposite sex. However I am sure that I and a lot of other red pill guys thought that being nice to a woman or winning them over was what was necessary in order to attract or keep a woman. You have to be a gentlemen, you have to be nice, you have to make them feel special, and you have to win them over. I thought that courting women in that sense is what they ultimately wanted, and women were also alongside this social conditioning. Disney parroted this, Hollywood movies parroted this, parents did, and a large part of online did (WikiHow and YouTube) a couple years back until I was exposed to the Red Pill. The Red Pill showed me that this is what not the case, and it's the complete opposite in some cases. It exposed a side of female nature that I never knew existed, and it disgusted me a bit upon first impression. I felt like I was lied to for a long time, and I know a lot of dudes who have a similar experience may have felt that way before. Terms such as hypergamy, icks, sexual market place, high/low value \[insert gender\], are relatively new concepts to those who were recently ""blue-piiled"". However, I wonder if society was largely successful in influencing men's sexuality. Why did it completely backfire with women, and what is largely influencing them in the opposite way so quickly instead? You could say ""biologically"", but that is very simplistic and kills any further discussion. What does our society do to fuel it early on? (Sorry for the TedTalk-like rant, I was trying to drive the point home with context.)",,9,KentuckyCriedFlickin,2024-01-29 05:49:16 PurplePillDebate,1adj40g,Why do some people prefer casual sex while others prefer monogamy?,"I know that everyone has their own preference but why do people tend to gravitate toward one or the other? Even high profile men like Patrick Mahomes who didn’t need to “settle” to get laid decided to get married so young while others such as James Harden are in the club every weekend. What makes these people different? Is it how they were raised, biological, or just a matter of finding the right person?",,11,SnooPies6812,2024-01-29 01:32:40 PurplePillDebate,1ad20wk,"The gender divide has become undeniable , can anything be done to solve this?","The gender divide has become so obvious that the mainstream media is writing about it using stats and studies. [https://news.yahoo.com/americas-gender-war-105101201.html](https://news.yahoo.com/americas-gender-war-105101201.html) [https://www.ft.com/content/29fd9b5c-2f35-41bf-9d4c-994db4e12998](https://www.ft.com/content/29fd9b5c-2f35-41bf-9d4c-994db4e12998) It also apparently doesn't affect only the US but other countries too. [https://twitter.com/FT/status/1750785919592927642?t=Z94d9Pm7qsTWjx1vfgRKEA&s=19](https://twitter.com/FT/status/1750785919592927642?t=Z94d9Pm7qsTWjx1vfgRKEA&s=19) I personally think that dating dynamics are partially to blame for this. Many young men have probably come to the conclusion that the juice is not worth the squeeze. Can anything at all be done or will be reach the point of no return? Will men in the future have AI girlfriends and sex dolls and refuse to do any work above the bare minimum? Will single motherhood by choice become more common? Will it be like Japan and South Korea where young people barely have sex?",,101,Novel-Tip-7570,2024-01-28 12:52:51 PurplePillDebate,1ad9csy,"Those against the Red Pill, where should a man go for dating advice?","I think it's fair to say there are undesirable qualities about the red pill. But if your a guy who wants to improve his life and wants to be successful with women, where would you tell him to go? I see alot of ""just be yourself"" and ""it depends on the women as there is a no one size fits all approach"" But if you say RP advice is bad what should a man read INSTEAD? I think the truth matters in making rational decisions. Do you have any communities? Subreddits? Books? Websites? That have valuable information for men trying to become better men rather than the advice given in the red pill? It's cool if you don't like the red pill but if you don't have a alternative solution to the problem I feel something is missing.",,35,xsxBEACHGODxsx,2024-01-28 18:30:26 PurplePillDebate,1adiibg,Q4M: Describe the type of male a traditional woman deserves?,"Inb4 *""hurr durr, a traditional man XD""* I'm asking you to DESCRIBE the guy. What should he bring to the table? Assume she... Cooks from scratch Cleans without complaint Is feminine from day 1 Focuses on being a great mom Brings a cozy, peaceful attitude Is frugal and not on social media Keeps herself in good physical shape Supports her man's goals Cooperative and agreeable Dresses modestly, claims low bawdy count Happy to follow his lead Manages the home and social calendar, etc Surely you'd view this as a high value woman? What should she get for all that value?",,6,Windmill_flowers,2024-01-29 01:02:51 PurplePillDebate,1ad666o,What Things do You Do to Support the Opposite Sex?,"Come on, I want to see some positivity this time around. How do you support the opposite sex? For me, I run a sex-ed webcomic that occasionally talks about male health besides talking about female health. I have previously given advice on things like prostate and testicular cancer, prostate exams, breast cancer (and I expressed how males can get it too), the importance of the foreskin, and regularly normalize the idea that man can get sexually assaulted too. Do you donate to charities for the opposite sex? Spread awareness of troubles they face? How do you help? (And nothing self-disparaging ""They hate me, so I just avoid them to spare their eyes my ugliness"" or a passive-aggressive backhand ""they are useless, so I do everything for them"", please. Real positivity only).",,28,Makuta_Servaela,2024-01-28 16:15:50 PurplePillDebate,1ad65bh,Most Tradcons are just failed red pillers.,"Edit: I am only speaking about Tradcons who are in the manosphere or are red pilled. The honest truth is that most of the guys who are now claiming to be tradcons in the manosphere are just men who tried to use the red pill or other methods to tap into hookup culture but failed. Since they couldn't find a way to tap into hookup culture, they are now seeking ways to stop others from participating in it. That's why we are seeing so many of them invading the manosphere and pushing far right talking points like a complete ban on abortion, birth control restrictions, canceling no fault divorce and repealing the 19th ammendment. These men are trying to influence the government to change laws that will restrict women into having no other choice but to choose them as partners. They are the furthest thing from actually being traditional or conservative especially in regards to Christianity. Because as Christians we are supposed to show non-Christians through our words, lives and actions the benefits of living a Christian life that they will willingly want to become a follower of Jesus as well, not giving them no other option but to live by our faith. Also truly traditional men do not shame or persecute women for being promiscuous or living lifestyles that don't align with their own personal beliefs. They simply realize that those women are compatible with their beliefs and search for women that are. What's happening in the manosphere also happened in the Passport Bro movement as well. The first men who called themselves ""Passport Bros"" were men who were actually looking for long term relationships with traditional women but couldn't find the women they desired in their lication, so they traveled outside of their native countries and sought out women from cultures and societies who's views and beliefs matched their own. There was no bashing of women who didn't fit their ideal whatsoever. Sexpats, MGTOWS and red pill guys latched onto the movement and made it about going to poorer countries for hookups. Thankfully, those men are being purged from the movement and it is getting back to what it was originally intended for, finding long term relationships with like minded women. The same thing needs to happen with fake tradcons and the manosphere.",,26,Wide-Illustrator2906,2024-01-28 16:14:52 PurplePillDebate,1aderxx,"Reposted: Why I think the ""trad"" lifestyle is not a one-size-fits-all and forcing it is destroying society","**CMV** **Taken down but reposted with correct flair. Thank you mods for responding to me.** **Disclaimer**: Some people on the last post of this, were accusing me of being anti stay at home mom, or telling me stay at home moms have it easy and get to nap all day (HA!), or saying I wanted women to be dragged into the workplace and become corporate drones. I never said this once. I simply said we have unrealistic expectations on women, especially regarding motherhood. And women with mental illness and postpartum depression, or even women who just suffer stress are told to shut up. I am basically saying how instead of insulting childfree women, we can create a society that supports childrearing through positive policies like universal childcare for both working and stay at home moms and maternity leave. Because believe it or not, for thousands of years it has taken a village and women have had help raising children. Capiche? **Original post:** I think the whole traditional lifestyle pushed by the red pill generally is unrealistic for the newer generations such as Zoomers and Alphas who are more unique, especially when it involves rigid roles and rules, religious guilt, and bullying people into it. I wanted to mention first of all, I'm against casual sex. I think it's really gross and unfulfilling. But I also don't understand the stigma against single women especially. This idea of enforced marriage and babies by 25, seems to not realize how large and diverse this country is. There are quiet women with asperger's who need a lot of alone time for example, who may not fit the mold of ""domestic goddess who is caring for toddlers and babies all day"". Temple Grandin herself lived celibate her whole life as she was more focused on her scientific career as an autistic woman and not interested in socialization. Is she ""evil"" and ""broken"" for it? I don't think so. There's also the fact that stay at home moms have higher depression rates than working moms, and the data showing how single childfree women are happiest. I'm not antinatalist, and I don't think this means women should stop getting married and having kids. I think it means we need to help women more and stop having this ""do it all"" mentality where women are treated like babysitters/taxis/maids/cooks/therapists 24/7 and are expected to do with no help because ""magical mommy instinct"" ""oxytocin"" or ""God's plan for her."" Subtle intricacies such as PMDD, postpartum depression, and other female reproductive conditions/complications are often handwaved away. The data also shows that universal, high quality childcare tends to raise birth rates. I can imagine it'd be very helpful even for stay at home mothers a few hours a day so they can get a bit of alone time. Yet those who are tradright tend to be staunch individualists and call it ""traumatizing"" and say ""it's a baby being raised by strangers when their mother should be at home"" as if women are just childcare robots. Or Phyllis Schlafly calling it ""stranger care"" when she ironically had nannies and help. I'd be more inclined to have children if I knew I had guaranteed help, a supportive partner who also helps me with things instead of saying ""I need to sit in my corporate office all day as the alpha provider while you drag a screaming toddler through target because red pill says so"" Then there is the bullying aspect. Lauren Chen, a right wing anti feminist youtuber made several videos about ""SINK"" women or single income no kids. It seemed very ironic how despite having a baby of her own, Lauren chose to spend more time making these videos. The comment sections were ugly to say the least. A bunch of men calling these women pigs, hippos, slobs, etc. Saying we should call them ""OINK""s because they're ""fat bitter cat ladies."" The ironic aspect of this, is they think they're saving society but it's creating more hatred and ugliness. It goes against Christian values despite people like Chen calling themselves a Christian. It makes society seem like a worse place to have a family when third places like malls are being bulldozed and we are all being corralled into the internet as the only place to socialize. Regarding the religious fundamentalism aspect, a lot of people actually feel traumatized from it. Look at videos of ex mormons, (which mormonism is a very traditional religion that emphasizes trad values). A lot of them felt constant guilt and anxiety. When I've been in more right wing or religious online communites, a lot of them seemed constantly angry and anxious and upset. No matter how big of a family all of them had, they always seemed upset. Not to mention a lot of people with religious trauma or controlling households often don't want kids themself if you look at the child free sub. So it actually lowers the birth rate. Anyways, I'm not saying all trad home maker women are depressed or all religious people are depressed. I'm just saying that using it as a mold to shove people into is destructive instead of constructive, especially when it involves bullying and coercion. It seems to be dividing our society more instead of creating a strong moral foundation, loving families, etc. &#x200B;",,7,[deleted],2024-01-28 22:15:24 PurplePillDebate,1ad4vn9,Men who feel their wives see them as Beta Male,"You probably get very less or no sex. You might feel that they settled for a safe option, but not anything romantic. Who do you feel about it? How do you deal thinking she isn't physically attracted to you but might have been eager for sex with someone else? Also, how soon into your marriage did you get this feeling? P.S. I'm from India and got arranged married just a few months ago. Edit: She hasn't been ready for sex yet.",,25,FixBlueBalls,2024-01-28 15:18:37 PurplePillDebate,1ad7mqz,"Ladies, what made you choose your boyfriend?","Me and some friends have been talking about this topic lately, and figured I'd get some more insight from more women. But first here is what we came up with Obviously people are different and there are a variety of men and women out there, so there obviously is a variety of reasons different people decide to be with certain other people. Some reasons are good and genuine, some can be bad or toxic, and some neutral. I'm curious if I've nailed the most common reason, but will still share what some of my friends had to say too. Reasons One - Personality/Common interests. Not just some vague (I like his personality) but more genuine like, damn I vibe with this person, love spending time with them, and they're funny and care about me. Two - Money/Status. This guy earns a lot of money, can impress my friends and family, and make me feel more secure because I was able to land him. Three - Physical Attraction Soley. This guy is tall, fit, dresses well, nice face. Four - Talent/Passion. This man can draw, or he's a chef, or musician, or programmer etc. something about how passionate he is about his craft, and how good he is at it, not only impresses and interests me, but it maked me want to get to know him and I fell for him during the process. (THIS IS WHAT I TOLD MY FRIENDS I THINK IS MOST COMMON) Five - Combination. A combination of two or more of these reasons. This question is aimed at women but I guess the fellas can chime in too. Ladies who are taken, was it for any of these reasons? Was it a combination of multiple ones, if so which? What reason do you think is most common?",,13,LastBlackSamurai99,2024-01-28 17:18:44 PurplePillDebate,1actw49,Most women want socially liberal men who are capable of engaging in “benevolent misogyny “.,"Most women don’t like overt sexism, but they definitely do prefer men who are masculine, dominant, confident, and capable of acts of casual sexism. They don’t want a man who is a controlling social conservative, or a socially conservative guy without an edge. They want a socially liberal man who is capable of sexually dominating them, and a man who can financially provide without telling them to stay home.",,94,DuetLearner,2024-01-28 04:12:00 PurplePillDebate,1aczm7b,Men of PPD: Do you really find casual sex appealing?,"Not sure if I'm just the weird one but the effort-to-reward ratio is absolutely abysmal. And even in scenarios where it's easy, for every minute of pleasure, you're going to spend several minutes laying next to someone you don't even know and certainly don't care deeply about. I just don't get it - is fucking a stranger really that much more satisfying that jerking off?",,30,Im_Unsure_For_Sure,2024-01-28 10:16:32 PurplePillDebate,1ad43es,"Everybody talks about women going for confident assholes, but what about the ones going for pathetic losers? Let's talk about the ""nurse complex""","""Nurse complex"" is something I heard from a friend, not sure if he heard it from somewhere else. It's basically a hypothesis to try an answer a question. There are many women who are attracted to men who are not necessarily assholes, but by all accounts, would be told to ""work on themselves"" by bluepillers because they are a mess. I know somebody like that: alcoholic, terrible student, gambling addict, potential drug addict, lazy, no money, not even that handsome. Also a pathological liar, we heard from 9 girlfriends he had. What's not surprising is that many of them were not real, what astonished me is that 4 were completely real and provable. The last one has lasted over a year, and she is infatuated with him. I have known this man since kindergarten and if anything he has gotten worse over the years, more immature, more of an asshole. The only answer as to why this is the case may lie on the ""nurse complex"". A woman, seeing a truly pathetic asshole, with a bleak future and the prospect of a shitty relationship, and going ""I can fix him"". Of course she will not fix him. I've seen this case being repeated over and over and over again. A girl wants to nurse a total piece of shit, wants to fantasize about her love fixing him, the very essence of the pathetic moron is what attracts her. So what are these men doing differently than other pathetic losers that don't get any action whatsoever? Is it just chance? Well maybe, but I think it's because he can't hide how much of an asshole he is, and that is of course translated into confidence. ""Just be confident man"", of course, but that's not all. Apparently you don't need to be healthy, you don't need to be too handsome, you don't need to be mature. What you have to do, is being an asshole in your whole right, not be afraid of showing how much of a shitty person you can be, so when you do show some bare minimum of kindness, it makes the Stockholm syndrome do the rest. So what does the nurse complex teaches us? That this is the essence of it, being an asshole. Some will say they don't like this type of asshole and that's okay, but they will like another type of asshole apparently. Because if there is a type of man who is surrounded by women, it's always some type of asshole. If you see what kind of man women want in the erotica they read, it's assholes, with money, without money, with status, without status, but assholes everywhere.",,12,Brazil_doesnt_exist,2024-01-28 14:41:30 PurplePillDebate,1ae08hx,Sexist people make the best partners.,"I have never dealt with a woman that would say that she likes men. My current fiance is typical in understanding that men are mostly just looking for sex. She thinks men can be violent assholes. She thinks I'm unique that I love her and care about her. That makes me feel special. It cures my doubt about dedicating to her. Women hate on men for being sexist. Wouldn't a misogynistic partner be the most loyal and dedicated? He thinks women are unbearable but he thinks you're worth his time which is why he is in a relationship with you. He sees you as a diamond in the rough. Isn't that what's best for a monogamous relationship?",,0,babazuki,2024-01-29 17:04:46 PurplePillDebate,1ad4h44,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, personal advice and memes in this thread. Here you can post everything that doesn't warrant its own thread or just do some socializing. Personal advice posting, research posts, non-TOS breaking rants, links to other locations with limited context as conversation topics **(must use np links for reddit)**, and things would be considered low effort posts are allowed in the daily thread. **Do not bring other PPD threads into the daily thread. Do not post PPD threads deserving of their own post in the daily thread.** The intent of the daily thread is not that it should replace PPD and become a place where users can avoid the rules of the subreddit. Attempting to do this will be considered circlejerking and moderated as such. **Black Pill/Incel Content/Woe-Is-Me is still banned in the daily thread. Witch hunting and insults are also still banned in the daily thread. Relegated topics must still go to in the weekly threads for those topics.** Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,8,AutoModerator,2024-01-28 15:00:15 PurplePillDebate,1acsvtx,Someone complaining about their S.O. on social media or in a group chat is a huge red flag.,"Complaining in a group chat about a partner shows that a person has very poor relationship and communication skills. Worse, it demonstrates a fundamental disregard for the SO's privacy and a total lack of respect for the relationship. This in turn reflects a huge deficiency in understanding and respecting basic boundaries, which are obviously essential for maintaining respectful and trusting partnerships. Aside from showing a lack of empathy, maturity, and capacity for self-reflection, the act of seeking external validation for relationship issues also hints at underlying emotional dependency and insecurity. This over-reliance on external sources for support doesn't allow for the development of a mutually supportive and interdependent relationship. Furthermore, airing grievances publicly creates a barrier for the individual to change their stance or admit fault later on. This is because it involves managing not just personal feelings, but also the social perceptions and personal pride that are now mixed in. If someone complains about their SO on group chats or on social media, it is a strong sign that the person isn't capable of a healthy relationship, regardless of the problems they may legitimately have in that relationship.",,30,8m3gm60,2024-01-28 03:18:23 PurplePillDebate,1acppfv,“I’ll take Anyone at this Point”,"Was just hanging out with a buddy of mine who’s single but trying to get dates for a while. He said this to me after venting about not getting matches or failed attempts at in person approaches. The thing is, he’s (29M, lives in LA) a good dude, average height, conventionally attractive, fit, has a good career, independent, and is fairly outgoing. He’s had relationships in the past and used the apps to find women, but according to him, he’s not getting anything anymore. I felt bad and didn’t know what to say aside from telling him not to despair and keep trying, but I could tell that didn’t make him feel better. It got me wondering, how many people nowadays, male or female, would truly “take anyone”? Are some people really that desperate and at that point, or are they over exaggerating ? Is anyone on here also at the point where they would take anyone? Does that mean you’d take a someone extremely unattractive/overweight/no job just to have someone? Moreover, what brought you to being so desperate?",,38,Disruptiionz,2024-01-28 00:38:17 PurplePillDebate,1acdwup,Have tradcons taken over the redpill?,"I've noticed a shift in the manosphere these past years. It use to be puas, sleeping with women and spinning plates were the dominant part but now it seems like tradcons who promote “traditional values” and finding traditional women is main thing. You can see that through movements like passport bros, rise in religious subcultures online like tradcaths, or support for far right politics. Roosh v is a good example of this, went from writing bang guides on how to have sex with women in different countries to denouncing that lifestyle and converting orthodox Christianity. Andrew Tate and Sneako are another example of this phenomenon as well. As this sector of the manosphere is growing I’ve noticed an increasing amount of reactionarty opinions particularly about women’s rights growing as well. Things like women shouldn’t vote, giving women the right to vote brought down western civilization, hating on women in college, calling any women who works a job a girl boss. Calling unmarried women pass the age 25 cat ladies, old hags, etc. Discussing women’s body count and virginity more openly. These aren’t just fringe figures spewing these opinions but prominent often rw influencers with millions of followers online. You even have politicians repeating this stuff. So do you think tradcon have replaced the the old redpillers in popularity? If so, why do you think tradcons have been more successful in getting their message out?",,46,SapphireRising225,2024-01-27 15:57:29 PurplePillDebate,1ac5jp5,I genuinely think people underestimate female toxicity,"We all know men can be toxic and subs like TwoX analyse toxic male behavior, like punching walls, being a deadbeat and a slob etc. However, I think people continuously underestimate female toxicity. Lots of women are lazy and make the one-sided decision to not work after they have a kid. But because being a SAHM is so common, nobody questions this or asks whether it was really a mutual decision or not. I have seen women throw massive tantrum to their boyfriends over a minor issue but nobody questions this and men don't complain because they're used to women behaving this way. If a man did this it would be seen as manchild behavior. After divorce, people tend to take the woman's side no matter what happened and usually the man is blamed entirely for the divorce. I have seen people say ""a woman with kids wouldn't cheat if she didn't have a good reason"" or ""a woman with kids wouldn't initiate divorce if she didn't have a good reason"". Because of course women are perfect and always have a good reason for the things they do.",,190,Novel-Tip-7570,2024-01-27 07:40:36 PurplePillDebate,1acpez0,What year did women achieve equality?,"This is for any anti-feminist men in general, not just red pill. A common complaint is that while women, and feminists in particular, may have started out trying to achieve equality, they have since tipped the scales in women's favor and continue to push to do so, alienating men and, some claim, outright oppressing them. What year do you believe women achieved equality and what is your reason or metric for believing so? It doesn't have to be an exact year, just a ballpark.",,8,Soloandthewookiee,2024-01-28 00:24:25 PurplePillDebate,1acykn1,"If your job skills were hopeless, would you rather be a sex worker or a housewife?","Let's say through some cruel trick of fate, you just can't make it in the job market. Your dreams of being an independent women are dashed. If you don't somehow exchange your body for money, you're not eating. Would you persue sex work if it was the only work available to you? Or would you try and make it as a homemaker, with the risks and limited autonomy that that entails? Considering there's 3 million verified creators on onlyfans now, it seems sex work is pretty popular. EDIT: ""unskilled"" labor isn't an option in this contrived hypothetical. Somehow no one will hire you as a waitress or a housekeeper or anything similar. EDIT: ""going back to school"" isn't an option either. You need to eat.",,0,scwizard,2024-01-28 09:03:28 PurplePillDebate,1ad2l2i,Would you LTR/marry a woman who has had an abortion?,"To add some constraints: - the pregnancy was not the result of a crime. - there was no medical issue. I considered making this a question for men, but I’d rather open it up to anyone more a la carte style. My personal take is I would not. I’m ambivalent about others nuking their kids, but I would not be with someone who did that to mine. Moreover, I’d prefer to experience pregnancy/the possibility of having a child for the first time with someone together. Thoughts?",,0,No-Rough-7390,2024-01-28 13:24:15 PurplePillDebate,1ac4km6,Is there a Lizzo Paradox™ for males?,"For those unfamiliar, it goes something like this: There are a group of women. Some male says, *""Do you think Lizzo is attractive?""* The women reply, *""Yes! Of course!""* Then the male says, *""Y'all kinda look like Lizzo""* The women do not take that well. What exactly is happening here? Is there a similar Lizzo Paradox for males?",,90,Windmill_flowers,2024-01-27 06:35:46 PurplePillDebate,1acskl3,What do you think about MGTOW and WGTOW?,"Relationships seem very hard. There is constant conflict. There are men who believe women are terrible and vice versa. The ideologies of MGTOW and WGTOW promote men and women respectively being single and living by themselves. They don't need to worry about the troubles of relationships. For men, even if they are single, it may be hard for them to let go of their sexual desires, but if they recognise that their sexual desires are what trap them, they can do what they can to suppress their desires or even just satiate their sexual desires cleanly and cheaply through masturbation. If a man still feels he needs to have sex with a real woman, he could potentially see sex workers, but prostitution may be illegal where he lives, so he may need to travel and live elsewhere. He may need to work hard and save up enough so he can ""leanfire"" in another country. Women supposedly do not have sexual desires as strong as men, but if she does have sexual desires, she can masturbate as well. Women also supposedly have a strong desire to procreate, but just as a MGTOW can understand that sexual desire imprisons him, so too a WGTOW can understand that the desire to have kids imprisons her as well, so she can take steps to try to suppress her natalist instincts. Given that having a baby harms a woman's body and also prevents her from working and earning money, which makes her financially dependent on a man, motherhood is clearly extremely harmful for women, making them very vulnerable to abuse. Babies make women unproductive at work and makes her financially less valuable. Money is power. When women have babies or look after them, they make less money, so they have less power, so they get abused since variation in power tends towards exploitation. It seems then that both men and women would benefit from going their own way.",,2,hodlbtcxrp,2024-01-28 03:01:54 PurplePillDebate,1ac7iqc,(Re-upload) What do y'all think of this excerpt about radicalisation in the manosphere?,"Chen Sheng was an officer serving the Qin Dynasty, famous for their draconian punishments. He was supposed to lead his army to a rendezvous point, but he got delayed by heavy rains and it became clear he was going to arrive late. The way I always hear the story told is this: Chen turns to his friend Wu Guang and asks “What’s the penalty for being late?” “Death,” says Wu. “And what’s the penalty for rebellion?” “Death,” says Wu. “Well then…” says Chen Sheng. And thus began the famous Dazexiang Uprising, which caused thousands of deaths and helped usher in a period of instability and chaos that resulted in the fall of the Qin Dynasty three years later. The moral of the story is that if you are maximally mean to innocent people, then eventually bad things will happen to you. First, because you have no room to punish people any more for actually hurting you. Second, because people will figure if they’re doomed anyway, they can at least get the consolation of feeling like they’re doing you some damage on their way down. This seems to me to be the position that lonely men are in online. People will tell them they’re evil misogynist rapists – as the articles above did – no matter what. In what is apparently shocking news to a lot of people, this makes them hurt and angry. As someone currently working on learning psychotherapy, I can confidently say that receiving a constant stream of hatred and put-downs throughout your most formative years can really screw you up. And so these people try to lash out at the people who are doing it to them, secure in the knowledge that there’s no room left for people to hate them even more. I know this is true because it happened to me. I never became a manospherian per se, because two wrongs don’t make a right, but – as readers of this essay may be surprised to learn – I did become just a little bit bitter about feminism. If I hadn’t been so sure about that “two wrongs” issue I probably would have ended up a lot more radicalized. Actually, that word – “radicalized” – conceals what is basically my exact thesis. We talk a lot about the “radicalization” of Muslims – for example, in Palestine. And indeed, nobody likes Hamas and we all agree they are terrible people and commit some terrible atrocities. Humans can certainly be very cruel, but there seems to be an unusual amount of cruelty in this particular region. And many people who like black-and-white thinking try to blame that on some defect in the Palestinian race, or claim the Quran urges Muslims should be hateful and violent. But if you’re willing to tolerate a little bit more complexity, it may occur to you to ask “Hey, I wonder if any of this anger among Palestinians has to do with the actions of Israel?” And then you might notice, for example, the past century of Middle Eastern history. Yet somehow, when the manosphere is being terrible people and commiting terrible atrocities, the only explanation offered is that “you must hate all women” must appear in some sura of the Male Quran. https://slatestarcodex.com/2014/08/31/radicalizing-the-romanceless/",,36,lolcope2,2024-01-27 09:56:44 PurplePillDebate,1ad3uco,"Casual Sex: Popularity of straight-up paying ""civilian"" single women for sex?","Broadly speaking, casual sex can be divided into two groups: non-transactional sex and transactional sex. The two stereotypes here are hookup culture and sex workers. OnlyFans has broken this stereotypical view, despite administrative account controls. A number of single men here earn enough money to be able to straight-up approach single ""civilian"" women and pay upfront for transactional sex. The only question is price. We may not have enough money to make it a sugar baby arrangement, though. The more women flood to online means of facilitating casual sex (to pay off student debts), the more this avenue of casual sex becomes more popular. So, how popular is this really now? Also, how many men here might be interested in f****** an OnlyFans chick instead of going through the motions of drunk hookup culture?",,0,FromAuntToNiece,2024-01-28 14:29:25 PurplePillDebate,1acbfnh,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, personal advice and memes in this thread. Here you can post everything that doesn't warrant its own thread or just do some socializing. Personal advice posting, research posts, non-TOS breaking rants, links to other locations with limited context as conversation topics **(must use np links for reddit)**, and things would be considered low effort posts are allowed in the daily thread. **Do not bring other PPD threads into the daily thread. Do not post PPD threads deserving of their own post in the daily thread.** The intent of the daily thread is not that it should replace PPD and become a place where users can avoid the rules of the subreddit. Attempting to do this will be considered circlejerking and moderated as such. **Black Pill/Incel Content/Woe-Is-Me is still banned in the daily thread. Witch hunting and insults are also still banned in the daily thread. Relegated topics must still go to in the weekly threads for those topics.** Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,6,AutoModerator,2024-01-27 14:00:17 PurplePillDebate,1ac0lqb,Why do women on this sub often say that they are not attracted to promiscuous men?,"This needs to be discussed. Women on this sub often say they are not attracted to promiscuous men. They are not attracted to ""players"" and ""fuck boys"". They will often cite their girlfriends and say things such as ""None my girlfriends would date a guy who is a fuck boy"" or ""my girlfriends are turned off by players"". If a man is promiscuous there must be something of value that grants him access to sex with women. It could be looks, finances, social skills etc. Is it correct to say that the majority of women are actually attracted to ""players"" and ""fuck boys"" hence why they are ""fuck boys"" because they are highly promiscuous? How can a women say that they are not attracted to such men, yet these same men are sleeping with the majority of women? It does not make sense to me. A man who is promiscuous is desirable. A man who isn't is likely not. A women to say that herself and her girlfriends would prefer a non promiscuous man would be the equivalent of saying that they desire a man who is not desirable. ",,45,ShelterNo2786,2024-01-27 02:55:26 PurplePillDebate,1acfdhj,LOOKS WEEKLY DISCUSSION THREAD,"&#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/3aHh4trC7B) Include your reddit username, pill color, age and gender when you arrive in the welcome mat to introduce yourself and help people get to know you. &#x200B; You can also find Mrs\_Drgree on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/?hl=en) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree) for notifications on when good threads are posted.",,2,AutoModerator,2024-01-27 17:01:04 PurplePillDebate,1ac45yf,How would you know if your partner was cheating?,"Goes for any gender, many a times you are separated for short week long times perhaps to visit family in another country or vacation. How would you know about if your partner was taking the time away for other thrilling short term relationships? I feel as if it isn’t necessary known the extent to which infidelity exists because I feel like it could be something easy to hide if you have a strong trusting relationship with your partner. Perhaps I’m just skeptical or anxious about what my partner could do while away.",,12,oddkidmatt,2024-01-27 06:10:16 PurplePillDebate,1abral3,What are some of your 'favorite' societal contradictions?,"Note: Favorite doesn't mean that you like it or that you want it to stay this way forever. If anything, you probably hate it and would like to see it leveled/reformed. Doesn't have to be gendered (but given this sub, it probably will be). And by societal, it doesn't have to be comprehensive. For example, dating in rich communities are different than poor communities, dating <25 is different than >40, etc. So it could be a niche contradiction within your subset of society.",,24,Purple_Cruncher_123,2024-01-26 19:57:05 PurplePillDebate,1abjsiz,Society seems to assign womanhood virtue.,"&#x200B; **First : The perception of victimhood** Women are certainly at a higher risk of victimization and a lot of society endorses protectionist measures to not only keep them safe but also to make them feel safe. But how that affects perception is the almost default position of giving women chances and leeway - interms of interpretation of their words and actions, in terms of allowing for projection of sympathy and reasons upon their actions and even if held responsible for their actions given a lesser punishment for those actions In contrast men, especially undesirable men deal with a pervasive horns effect where statements are interpreted in the worst possible way without any allowance of nuance. Society will do its damn-est to not see women as monsters and not see men as human ( eg : if i remark that i fear for the future where more young men are left bereft of hope as i think it would be a volatile time some women seem to think i am coercing them into sex with incels under the threat of future violence. Am I supposed to take these women seriously? ) **Secondly : The perception of virtue as a derivation of victim-hood** Ours is a culture where we assign a moral superiority to victims. Naturally the victim deserves help and support. Certainly more than the aggressor. On an individual basis this is fair. But things get murky when you assign that status to entire groups Ie women. Furthermore I submit to you that victims have moral superiority only withing the context of that event. It is not an inalienable descriptor. More often than not victims do victimize. But we seem to forget that when it comes to women. This all sounds pretty boiler plate so why am I bringing it up? we excuse all actions based on the virtue of victim hood. None of their choices are to be criticized because they are victims or potential victims disadvantaged by the patriarchy Why do women go for men who earn as much if not more? because they get pregnant, because they aren't paid as much, because they are taking a risk on a guy as a woman therefore he better have his shit together, because guys are insecure when women earn more Why do women want guys taller than them? You cant judge sexual preference (yes you can), Men are taller in general,men who are shorter are insecure, they want to be in their feminine (barf) Why are do women ghost men ? well they cant be sure if the guy is a psycho or not ( like these women can go on dates with these guys they are scared of, sleep with them if they are charming or handsome enough on date one and suddenly they are scared because the guy they met might be a psycho? ) Why do women by and large not split on dates? because patriarchy, because they spend money on getting ready ( dont - either you do it for yourself or not at all) , because they think a guy who splits is not interested, because guys get insecure, because they want to be in their feminine( barf) You get the picture. They are given the get out of jail for free card by the zeitgeist and it is ridiculous how far people will go to excuse them **Thirdly : The assumption of moral superiority.** Women do have their share of problems, I am sure sexism and harassment is a constant reality for them. However they are able to achieve milestones of assumed fulfillment more easily than men. They are able to get into relationships, marry and eventually have children. Even if they dont they dont get worried that it wont be possible because of the optionality they enjoy and their past experiences with relationships such that they can imagine and visualize a future where they are happy. Even If they end up alone it will never be because they are not enough but rather that the men they met ( had the misfortune to meet) were not enough ( [https://np.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/18eggnk/single\_men\_are\_bitter\_i\_wonder\_why/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://np.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/18eggnk/single_men_are_bitter_i_wonder_why/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) ) That is fucking ridiculous. The assumption is that men who struggle have something wrong with them. The assumption is that When women say that we are competing with the peace of their solitude it is a value judgement on men everywhere. The implication of the statement is that we(men) are so shitty that it is better for them to be alone. That we are so far gone and so misogynistic, so terrible on a pure moral level that we don't deserve to have even the hope of happiness. After all a world where misogynists don't get to abuse women is a good world. But men ( in general) are not shitty. We are just ordinary and ordinary is not enough. All those growing pains, awkwardness, compromises, little misunderstandings and the anxiety inducing need to trust each other in relationships and the time investment ..... they just don't want to do for an average guy. They don't want us not because we are terrible but because we are normal people who are the same as them, and we are simply not enough. In other words if women suddenly became men they would struggle at securing a partner because they don't meet the standards women want men to clear. Some of the women here have such terrible personalities that they would be incels if they became men. And they would defend the incel position just as aggressively as the ones here do. They just happen to be tolerated in their relationships and assume that that means that they are better people than they actually are. They assume that the men struggling are worse people than they are. And they assume that the men struggling deserve their lot in life Its all very ironic. At least it is to me",,54,AdEffective7894s,2024-01-26 14:38:14 PurplePillDebate,1ab6iwm,"Most girls are genuinely repelled by truly kind men, you have to have some degree of asshole in you or they will get bored","Women are ultimately turned off by overly wholesome or kind men. This phenomenon has been obfuscated by women angry at the growing awareness of this among the male population, especially since the growth of the internet and TRP becoming mainstream. The entire conversation has been hijacked by feminists who now have a hair trigger response to any man even daring to use the word “nice,” rushing to assure them they are not in fact “as nice as they think.” This is obviously a nonsense deflection, as these are two entirely different things - men feigning kindness in exchange for sex are a completely separate unrelated issue.",,159,The-Loop,2024-01-26 01:43:52 PurplePillDebate,1abgmtf,"Why do men not tell other men to be vulnerable, AND, why do women tell men to be more vulnerable, en masse?","Do men tell other men **not to be** vulnerable because of: 1. Men believe that when they are vulnerable, women will be turned off by them and instead of opening up Pandora's box and seeing what happens, they'd rather not anyways \[when they are vulnerable\]. 2. Men have been vulnerable to women and when they were, they were burned. 3. Other? Do women tell other men **to be** vulnerable because of: 1. It's necessary to express emotions when going through chaos and turmoil. You have to express them or you'll bottle it in. 2. It's a shit test and women want to see if the guys actually 'crack' 3. Other?",,22,sniper1905,2024-01-26 11:54:28 PurplePillDebate,1abo2m1,“genuinely kind guy” is a rebrand of the “nice guy”,"I’ve seen a few posts as of late and a number of comments suggesting that someone isn’t a nice guy, he’s a genuinely kind guy and therefore women only like assholes. I find this hilarious because the rhetoric being spread IS nice guy rhetoric - its like nice guys saw that people caught up to their games and changed their wording after a bunch of people said “be a genuinely kind person, don’t be nice” to put it as clear as possible - if you feel the need to call kindness as your primary marketable trait, or if you think kindness should give you something in return (the literal meaning of entitlement), you’re not “genuinely kind” I’ll say this bluntly, kindness alone, generally speaking, does not make you attractive, it can, however, add to an already existing attraction. Even then, the thought that kindness would lead to attraction and therefore you should be kind is nice guy rhetoric through and through. If you’re genuinely kind, you won’t feel the need to market it and mention it as your primary trait. You have to have to be fun loving, pleasant, confident, even brave and courageous. Kindness alone doesn’t mean squat. To be very clear - I am not saying men can’t be genuinely kind, in fact, people as a whole can and should be genuinely kind. However, what I take issue with is people marketing themselves as “genuinely kind”, it feels like a rebrand of the “nice guy” because genuinely kind people would not feel the need to describe themselves as such - it would show with their interests, how they treat others, how they interact with the world around them, etc. (and i think i’ll throw this in too, im waiting for the “you said be nice, and now you’re questioning me so you told me to be kind instead, i am kind and now you’re moving the goal posts again!” - if you feel that way, re-read the post.)",,8,KayRay1994,2024-01-26 17:40:12 PurplePillDebate,1abcfjb,Men erroneously confuse being confident with being an asshole with the whole nice guy/asshole dichotomy and women,"All you have to do is understand is that confidence is the most important personality trait when it comes to not only attracting a mate, but friends and people in general. That's it. Confidence. You don't have to be a cocky asshole to be confident. I believe the confusion comes from the fact that so called assholes are perceived as more confident, whereas the guys they think are ""nice guys"" tend to be more self-depreciating. **You also don't have to be an asshole to be able to playfully tease, playful teasing is a great way to flirt with people in general and make them more attracted to you as a person. It just shows you're not an ass-kisser.** That tall, dark haired, cocky asshole you knew in highschool or college wasn't banging all the chicks you wished you could because he was a dickhead, it was because he **looked good and he was confident.** He'd still be banging those chicks if he was a kind ray of sunshine. The truth is women, and most people, actually enjoy being around genuinely kind people. We like being around people that make us feel good about ourselves and bring us up. Guys like will smith and chris hemsworth who are immensely charismatic and popular among fellow celebrities, if you watch any of their interviews or interactions with their costars they are constantly deferring praise to other people even if they're not physically present. But they're also willing to playfully tease other people, but its received well because they're actually nice people (or appear to be). **Think of the hero archetype;** he's strong, courageous, willful and assertive. He uses his strength to help others in need and doesn't let setbacks impede his goals. He's kind and helpful, not just to women and children but to his friends, and people enjoy being around him. He stands by his values and doesn't compromise them for anyone, and isn't easily goaded into losing his cool by mere words of disrespect. He's compassionate, and would go to great lengths to please the woman he loves because he values her greatly as a partner. Do you think ANY woman would hear this description of a man and be turned off? What we don't like being around are people that make us feel bad either because they put us down or they are self-deprecating and make us pity them. You can be able to * speak assertively * maintain eye contact when speaking * not be afraid to share dissenting opinions * be able to say no politely * have open body language and good posture * set boundaries * be self assured * be decisive with your choices and moves * be goal-setting * be-optimistic * create excitement and fun experiences for the people around you (friends and romantic interests) While also being * altruistic * generous * empathetic * considerate * positive * helpful * respectful People on reddit and other online manosphere communities, and I'm sure its mostly younger guys or guys with very little social acuity or experience, have the idea that it is black and white. **I'm sure in a lot of cases even the guy that they think is an asshole is probably a nice person whos just assertive and makes jokes at other peoples expense sometimes but they know its only a joke.** No woman has ever seen a man (that they are reasonably attracted to) rescue a cat out of a tree or help them with their groceries, hold the door for them, compliment them or uplift a friend and said ""wow, that really makes my pussy dry."" Because displaying kindness doesn't turn women off, despite some of you guys' attempts to gaslight women into admitting that it does. Displaying doormat tendencies does, and it doesn't just turn women off, it turns everyone off. Constantly going out of your way for someone who never reciprocates in any way, to your detriment, is a turn off. Putting yourself down constantly to make other people feel good or get amusement, is a turnoff. Letting someone walk over you or trample your wishes and desires, is a turnoff. I've already implied it twice but I'll make it clear. Personality matters a lot more when it comes to keeping a woman. There are some that would argue you literally only have to be hot and that you can be either a dick or a saint and still keep a woman. This is untrue, at-least if you want an actual relationship with someone. Ideally, you should be as attractive as you can be physically, while also still being confident and kind in order to maintain a good long-term relationship. EDIT: Clarification. I do not believe you can't get girls if you are an asshole, if you know how to balance being a cocky asshole with other positive personality traits and aren't an asshole ALL THE TIME, you can have good success. But, this doesn't mean the lack of being an asshole is unattractive to women. One comment I read also had some good insight >""So I feel like you\&#039;re conflating several dimensions of personality to put men into two simple categories, when in reality a majority don\&#039;t fit into either. The \&quot;big five\&quot; personality traits are openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism. Your nice guy stereotype is probably low on openness (doesn;t want to try a lot of new things, may be seen as boring), high on conscientiousness (thoughtful, good impulse control), low on extroversion (not very social), high on agreeableness (prioritizes the needs of others, not argumentative), and may go either way on neuroticism (emotional instability). Your asshole stereotype would be the exact opposite.However, how many people that you know personally (Im talking family, close friends) really fit perfectly into either of these? From a distance, I\&#039;d say a lot do. Close up, I think I know none, maybe one at most.Extraversion probably helps the most with dating, followed by openness. So if our nice guy is lacking in those, yes he will struggle, whereas if the asshole is low on conscientiousness and agreeableness but high on the aforementioned traits, he will still do better. That much I agree on. But there are also many other combos, and I don\&#039;t believe all outgoing, open guys are \&quot;actually bad people.\&quot; Seems like black and white, \&quot;all or nothing\&quot; thinking to me."" &#x200B;",,37,EsotericRonin,2024-01-26 07:01:53 PurplePillDebate,1abhs8e,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, personal advice and memes in this thread. Here you can post everything that doesn't warrant its own thread or just do some socializing. Personal advice posting, research posts, non-TOS breaking rants, links to other locations with limited context as conversation topics **(must use np links for reddit)**, and things would be considered low effort posts are allowed in the daily thread. **Do not bring other PPD threads into the daily thread. Do not post PPD threads deserving of their own post in the daily thread.** The intent of the daily thread is not that it should replace PPD and become a place where users can avoid the rules of the subreddit. Attempting to do this will be considered circlejerking and moderated as such. **Black Pill/Incel Content/Woe-Is-Me is still banned in the daily thread. Witch hunting and insults are also still banned in the daily thread. Relegated topics must still go to in the weekly threads for those topics.** Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,11,AutoModerator,2024-01-26 13:00:19 PurplePillDebate,1abvdf6,"Do virgin women still have ""value"" or is it something ""from the past""?","In almost all the ambients, there are virtually no virgin women. Being virgin makes you, more often than not, unable to relate to most of your peers. Also, it even gets in the way of some accomplishments, because most women talk about their ""exes"" and you don't have anything to contribute to the talking, making you some kind of a ""pariah"". So, my question is: do virgin women still have something to be proud of?",,0,sadbitch55,2024-01-26 22:49:03 PurplePillDebate,19fjscd,Would you care if your gf hung out with guys she’s slept with in the past?,"If you started dating a new woman and she let you know she had some guy friends she’s slept with in the past, would that be a deal breaker for you?",,20,d4rkw3b5,2024-01-25 21:02:38 PurplePillDebate,1ac05ya,"Men having lower standards of cleanliness is not a ""flaw""","I see women often criticize men for not cleaning up as much as they would like, and use this as a reason to blame him for a relationship/marital breakdown. This is nothing short of pure solipsism, different people have different standards of cleanliness and there's nothing wrong with that. So long as he's not nagging you about cleaning(how often do you see that happen?), it's just a difference in an aesthetic preferences. If you don't want to live with a man because you think they're too messy , that's fine and it's your right, but it doesn't mean he's done anything wrong. If you can't compromise then you're just not compatible. **Men aren't bad people for not meeting your expectations.**",,0,AI_CODE_MONKEY,2024-01-27 02:32:42 PurplePillDebate,19flsbz,What are your opinions on the exredpill community?,"Do you guys agree with the exredpill reddit or are you vehemently opposed to it? I personally am more leaning towards the exredpill community because they have scientifically thoroughly debunked common redpill beliefs? I also think that the redpill is toxic to both men and women? What are your opinions on this?",,12,bigflame123,2024-01-25 22:32:02 PurplePillDebate,1abvlp0,Telling small d men to be good at oral amd fingering is emasculating,"Telling small penis men to be good at oral and with their hands is more emasculating than telling them to accept what they have and their situation. Not being good as the big dick guy, because oral and fingering is additional to PIV, not the main part of sex. Otherwise, it will almost be lesbian sex. No woman will say ""we had sex"" after a guy just eats her out and fingers her, even though she orgasmed. It's more sad for the guy, almost telling him not to use his penis because it can't please women.",,0,KeyFollowing1529,2024-01-26 22:59:02 PurplePillDebate,19fcloz,"Dating advice, therapy bait-and-switch","Edit: It seems that I am shadow banned site wide, but I'm not sure why. No one gave me any warnings. **I would love to respond to your comments but I've been shadow banned across the whole website. None of my comments replying to you are showing up. The PPD mods have muted me from DM-ing them. There is nothing I can do about it.** Often people will do a bait-and-switch when the current topic is dating, but the advice-giver suggests therapy. Here's how it usually goes: - me: I want to date more - them: go to therapy - me: I did, it didn't improve my dating life - them: therapy isn't supposed to improve your dating life, it's for you to understand yourself better. - me: if it won't help my dating life then why did you suggest it as a way to improve my dating life? Also, I already understand myself. I've got that covered. At this time I'm interested in improving my dating life. - them: If you're having dating trouble that proves you don't understand yourself. Why can't you get dates? - me: No, that doesn't follow, understanding yourself doesn't magically make people want to date you. Also, you don't know me at all. Anyway, to answer your question: I don't know. Often, people don't tell you why they reject you, especially women, when there's extra fear that the rejected party could get angry. - them: What? I don't believe you. Surely, you must know why they rejected you. - me: I could guess, but there's no guarantee that my guess is right. - them: See? You don't understand yourself. You need to work on that first. Put dating on hold and go to therapy until you understand yourself. There! Now that I've given you an answer you can go work on that. Go away now. - me: Umm, no, your advice doesn't actually address the problem I presented you with. Also, you aren't the first person to give me that advice. There is some truth to your advice, I'll grant you that, but the problem is that I already took your advice years ago. That's how I got here. I've already done what you told me I should do and it didn't get me what I wanted. That's why I'm asking for help. - them: I don't think you want help. You just want to wallow in your misery. You just want to complain. Your problem is your victim mindset. You know that you aren't entitled to women, right? Besides, getting laid isn't a big deal anyway. Plenty of people are happy being single and you can be too. I'm done talking to you, go away, stop complaining. ... Anyway, that's about how it goes. Do you have anything new for me?",,44,Ok-Principle-3785,2024-01-25 16:00:04 PurplePillDebate,1abfamx,Why do you use makeup?,"What is the reason behind it? Isn't your natural beauty enough? Some women on this sub either say they're doing it because of the ""patriarchy"" and because society forces them to do so. Some say they are doing it for themselves and because it is fun. But what about you?",,2,-snickerss-,2024-01-26 10:26:51 PurplePillDebate,19fkxsy,"Ladies be honest, how many of you are truly interested in dating an older man?","I ask this question because it seems to me that men love younger women to the point where it seems like they have an obsession with dating us. So, I wonder do young women feel the same way about older men?",,7,VickiLynnRose,2024-01-25 21:56:06 PurplePillDebate,1abwoae,Should women be more proactive in promoting pro-male ethical non-monogamy?,"Should women be more proactive in promoting pro-male ethical non-monogamy? I have argued that late bloomer men are entitled to have sex outside of committed relationships while within committed relationships, up to and including extramarital sex. Unironically. While I'm uncomfortable with cheating (i.e., outright adultery / infidelity), I am of the opinion that late bloomer men are definitely entitled to bully their SOs into accepting one-sided ""ethical non-monogamy"" arrangements, especially those that are short of open relationships. Unironically. So as to pre-empt male frustration and resentment, should women be more proactive in promoting pro-male ethical non-monogamy, even before marriage? Examples: 1) Low-libido women offer to become cuckqueans in relation to their high-libido male partners, even before marriage. Perhaps they watch their male partners have mind-blowing sex with escorts. 2) Women with higher libidos offer FMF threesomes to their high-libido male partners, even before marriage. This would include non-overweight single mothers offering to do so for their late bloomer male partners. 3) Women with higher libidos offer the swinging lifestyle to their high-libido male partners, even before marriage. With this, late bloomer men should have less of an excuse to have retroactive jealousy.",,0,FromAuntToNiece,2024-01-26 23:46:14 PurplePillDebate,19f036e,CMV: The sex positives on this subreddit are interested in normalizing cheating behavior.,"After looking at the cheating type posts on this subreddit I am beginning to think the sex positivites in this subreddit reddit want to push the boundary between male and female friendship. As a disclaimer I am not against male and female friendships and I think they are good to have. So like one lady was like I trust my man to sleep in same hotel room with a women and other people should as well. Another lady said my man should be ok with going to strip club. Then she goes on to explain sex positivity and how we should teach kids sex is natural. I found that odd and unrelated. They all sound like they think they are morally superior than people who are uncomfortable with those things. On the relationship subreddit I saw a post about his wife going clubbing and didn't return around six am without telling him. Or another one where she always talks about her male coworker and how much she cares about what he thinks of her. This also true when gender are reversed. I saw a post about op complaining her boyfriend follows insta girls and the comments just gaslight her. These are not cheating behaviors but at the very least people should be suspicious of these things without judgment and be able to communicate in a healthy way. If things don't work out then it's ok to move on. We don't owe people who don't share our values a relationship .",,83,[deleted],2024-01-25 03:44:42 PurplePillDebate,1abfnem,"Should late bloomer men insist hard on ""starter girlfriend"" status or not?","Should late bloomer men insist hard on ""starter girlfriend"" status or not? What phases of a committed relationship should these relationship virgins, aged 35-45, spell out for ""starter girlfriends""? Exclusivity? Living together? [Starter girlfriends: the worrying trend of throwaway partners](https://www.dazeddigital.com/life-culture/article/61054/1/starter-gf-tiktok-relationships-throwaway-girlfriends-gen-z-dating-trends) > Online, young men and boys are following red-pilled advice urging them to get a throwaway partner to gain relationship experience I am posting this because there's another DO40 thread by another woman inquiring about a male relationship virgin. As someone with a fearful avoidant attachment style, I would probably insist on ""living together"" arrangements at my place and not my hypothetical SO's place, even if she were a homeowner. She can then rent out her place. Simply put, I don't want to pay much higher rents if a relationship fails.",,0,FromAuntToNiece,2024-01-26 10:51:27 PurplePillDebate,19f7qd1,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, personal advice and memes in this thread. Here you can post everything that doesn't warrant its own thread or just do some socializing. Personal advice posting, research posts, non-TOS breaking rants, links to other locations with limited context as conversation topics, and things would be considered low effort posts are allowed in the daily thread. **Do not bring other PPD threads into the daily thread. Do not post PPD threads deserving of their own post in the daily thread.** The intent of the daily thread is not that it should replace PPD and become a place where users can avoid the rules of the subreddit. Attempting to do this will be considered circlejerking and moderated as such. **Black Pill/Incel Content/Woe-Is-Me is still banned in the daily thread. Witch hunting and insults are also still banned in the daily thread. Relegated topics must still go to in the weekly threads for those topics.** Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,7,AutoModerator,2024-01-25 12:00:12 PurplePillDebate,19f7zqz,"CMV: Most Red Pillers (TRP) are actually the most defeatist of all the ""Pills""","This is in context to the recent battle between trad cons and TRPs online. Trade cons point out that TRPs generally are very hedonistic and create the very world they despise. They ""spin plates"" but in that sense create lots of pain and traumatized women in the process. TRPs general response is ""no point in fighting the system"" etc, which is in stark contrast to the ethos of their philosophy (masculinity, never giving up, solving problems, leadership etc). And this is why I think they are more black pilled than even the most staunch black pillers. I've noticed this for years now that many of them don't ever try to do anything on mass. Many are very individualistic and don't try to collectively enact political change to address their perceived grievances. They basically end up in utilitarian thought loops. I think this is because the content creators actually secretly don't want the problems to disappear thanks to the economic incentives of their career. And their audiences slop it right up without challenging it much. That's why I think the RP is unsustainable and is why I left it years ago. What say you all?",,7,MOProG2,2024-01-25 12:15:34 PurplePillDebate,19ep2b9,Who is your favourite example of positive masculinity?,"For me it is “The Brockton Blockbuster” Rocky Marciano. Marciano is probably the toughest boxer of all time. He is the only boxing heavyweight champion in history to retire undefeated and triumphed over more skilful opponents through determination and sheer courage. Yet he never lost his humanity he 1) Was an exceptionally gentle man outside the ring, was known for visiting polio patients and others who felt abandoned by society. He was also highly progressive for his time, and at a time when black people were marginalised, Marciano would always show respect and class towards black opponents as well as white ones. 2) Wasn’t afraid of showing his emotions, he reluctantly fought his idol Joe Louis as a favour and was in tears after he defeated his hero. 3) Was deeply upset when he seriously injured an opponent. After he put Carmine Vingo into a coma, Marciano paused his career until Vingo recovered, then later invited Vingo to his wedding. 4) He was a devoted family man, retired early to spend more time with them and frequently declined lucrative offers to step back in the ring.",,55,PowerBaseSlam,2024-01-24 19:35:18 PurplePillDebate,19ekvnb,Why can't women take an L?,"[All women are 10s?](https://youtu.be/PQtdOuD4cLc?si=VgY_kWjIwnj5Nvjo) So in the video there's a lot of things hoe\_math covers, but I think the ""all women are 10s"" extends beyond just them ""thinking"" they are all 10s. * **The Hivemind**: Women's desperate need for equality (equality for women but not men though, because obviously not all men are equal and no woman believes that) * **Disguising their status lowering behavior**: Women will manipulate the truth so that it doesn't detract from their status. Examples are ""*all bodies are beautiful* (for women, not men)"", or ""no man has ever asked my bodycount, or ""I have a high bodycount and still landed a HVM"", or ""pumping and dumping doesn't exist if I don't believe in being slut shamed"". To blatantly deny reality or act as if their value has not been lowered in any way when they very clearly know it has; to save status. * **Delusion**: I don't actually believe that this many women are truly delusional, however there are a good chunk of women who are. I think this is a deliberate tactic to try to increase a low value woman's value, while maintaining that all men are not equal. This is why I believe that women refuse to take an L in dating. If women would like to prove me wrong, take an L right now. Tell us the things that lower your value.",,79,SlowEffective8146,2024-01-24 16:20:23 PurplePillDebate,19f2xxi,"Men, describe your “Sex Zone”.","Pretty much the title. Describe the Sex Only Zone and what parameters you feel puts a woman in the Sex-Only Zone. I’ve already got my parameters Lol, I just wanna know yours and I’ll watch the nuclear war in the comments🍿. And ladies , how do you feel about the sex zone , the concept of it, and these guys parameters?",,3,DevThaGodfatha,2024-01-25 06:26:40 PurplePillDebate,19ef1s3,Most of what gets called “manipulation” and “grooming” seems to be just seduction people don’t like,"lets be honest here; in the west women not only have almost a complete autonomy when it comes to picking their partners, they have also reached economic independence, are outpacing men in higher education and pretty much have all the necessary socio-political tools to decide on what terms they are going to enter or end a formal or informal relationship. I am not claiming this, women themselves are quite proud of not needing no men to marry anymore. simultaneously with this greater autonomy they are increasingly percieved by others and sometimes even themselves as victims of circumstance. The word “grooming” people thorw around like a power-phrase by a scaremongering republican on a campaign trail in the 1980s was always understood as the act of an adult establishing a relationship with a minor for sexual purposes. Today its just applied on consensual relationships between adults with whatever age gap the accuser personally finds “inappropriate”. people especially seem confused about the cognitive capabilities of young adult women: a 21 year old woman choosing an abortion is seen as empowered in her ability to do so (by left leaning progressive at least), a 21 year old woman falling for a much older guy is a “victim” of manipulation. This makes no sense, but our broader culture states this between the lines.",,124,HardTimes4Vampires,2024-01-24 11:33:15 PurplePillDebate,1ab7hnj,Q4W: Would you have an issue with men showing off their penises?,"So a question I have for women is how they would feel about men showing their penises off. I'll give a couple examples: 1. A male high school teacher who wears pants that are designed to accentuate his penis? 2. A coworker who wears pants that are low cut in the front showing off a little bit of the base. 3. A man at the gym who wears extremely short shorts that let his balls every so slightly hang out. What would your honest opinion be about these situations? What if anything should be done about this?",,0,FutureBannedAccount2,2024-01-26 02:30:08 PurplePillDebate,19efo7r,Male surplus is a problem,"Since 2015, the male surplus in Sweden has only increased. It is most pronounced among the younger age groups. In 2021, the number of men between 20 and 24 years old was 13 percent higher compared to women of the same age. Put simply, there were 53 percent men and 47 percent women. These are unprecedented differences. When young men outnumber women in the same age group, exclusion increases on the marriage market. The young men who do not finish school today and never get a job are the first ones who will be chosen out. This group grows in line with the male surplus. For men lacking other forms of capital—social and economic—only violence capital remains in the end. CBS News https://www.cbsnews.com › news Sweden struggles with first gender balance shift in 267 years",,61,Electronic-Pool-7458,2024-01-24 12:10:45 PurplePillDebate,19er3si,Question for RedPill about households where each spouse works full-time,"Many of us agree that it should be possible to support a family and own a home on a single income. Though not impossible, it can be difficult to make that work in today's economy. My understanding of the right-wing perspective on this is that men and women have different traits and are more suited towards different roles, men being the earners and women being the home-keepers/child-rearers (complementarianism). Different work for the husband and wife, but in theory it's balanced. Many families, regardless of beliefs, choose to have both parents work full-time, often due to economic constraints. There is still a lot of work that needs to be done at home. There is a perception on the left (my upbringing was very much on the left), that in conservative marriages where each spouse works full time, child-rearing and household labor still typically fall on the women the vast majority of the time in addition to their full-time employment. That's obviously unfair, but I can't imagine that every conservative family operates that way. If you and your spouse are conservative and both work full-time, how are household labor and child-rearing distributed in your home? Are you satisfied with this or would you prefer a more traditional setup? How does your spouse feel? \---------------------------- Edit: To clarify, this question is directed towards conservative people, red pill or not.",,11,nailsatan,2024-01-24 20:58:24 PurplePillDebate,19ervhl,Odds are you won’t be your partner’s “sexist” or “best in bed” - and that’s okay,"To get this out of the way, i’m not talking about beta buxing - while I do think such a thing is real, that’s not what i’m talking about, and i’m gonna get why later. Lots of people will have met and slept with multiple people in their lives - whether it be a small handful to a bunch, but, what separates a long term partner from a short term fling or just someone who’s there just for sex is a set of personality traits/characteristics that indicate long term compatibility. Think of this way, for a successful LTR, you need multiple different layers of compatibility, and sexual compatibility is just one of them. Even amongst each layer, there are different levels of compatibility. Now, say you meet someone - you’re compatible in nearly every way, and sexually, while your sex life is good, it isn’t by any means mind blowing - like yall fuck, yall clearly enjoy each other’s company, but you aren’t your partner’s best lay. Here’s a thing though, there is a reason why the best lay isn’t in this person’s life anymore, because while sexually your partner and this person were, let’s say 100% compatible, that compatibility was lacking in every other aspect. But let’s say you and your partner are at 60%ish sexual compatibility, and very compatible in other dimensions - guess which of the two makes for a better, stronger, relationship? “but that’s just beta buxxing” - not really, while it can cross to that territory fairly easily if you’re not careful, just ask yourself if you’re actually compatible with your partner in multiple aspects, or if you’re settling cause you don’t want to be alone. Does your partner genuinely love and respect you? Does your partner support you? if the answer is yes, you’re not being beta buxxed.",,4,KayRay1994,2024-01-24 21:29:48 PurplePillDebate,19efs45,"What is less intimidating to a woman, going on a coffee date or going jogging together if you live near one another?","Just to build rapport, see what happens. Basically this would be if you know each other in passing, but not yet very well. My opinion would be the jogging but I don't know. That is why I am posting here.",,4,dannyboyd34,2024-01-24 12:17:15 PurplePillDebate,19dtci2,"Women on Reddit do not represent normal, every day girls and so the dialogue and “blue pill” opinions here are irrelevant to most men","It’s really very simple: most men struggle to some degree now after 10 years of havoc wreaked by social media & online dating. Naturally, with the censorship of big tech and the me-too witch hunts, the only option many men are left with for venting is anonymous message boards which Reddit has a monopoly on. Women, on the hand, do not have these problems. Although they may have different dating problems, they pale in comparison to men’s struggles and having much lower sex drives they do not *need* men the way men need women. Furthermore, only a very small subset of extremely unfortunate women truly struggle to find a mate. This removes the psychological impact and therefore very few if any reasonably attractive or well adjusted, “mainstream” women would have any reason to be lurking in an anonymous “pill forum.” As such, any and all opinions given by women here should be taken with a grain of salt and mostly do not apply to the women most of the men here are interested in.",,110,The-Loop,2024-01-23 17:12:22 PurplePillDebate,19ed6uz,Do things become easier when you are a high-value man?,"Hello It’s been a while since this space has been constantly talking about high-value men. Have things become easier now that you are actually a high-value man? High-value being, very high up in the male-dominance hierarchy, at least your bank account is quite hefty and does beat your peers. I’m just curious if things actually get easier dealing with women once you reach the high-value man status.",,6,UVIV,2024-01-24 09:25:09 PurplePillDebate,19eej4g,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, personal advice and memes in this thread. Here you can post everything that doesn't warrant its own thread or just do some socializing. Personal advice posting, research posts, non-TOS breaking rants, links to other locations with limited context as conversation topics, and things would be considered low effort posts are allowed in the daily thread. **Do not bring other PPD threads into the daily thread. Do not post PPD threads deserving of their own post in the daily thread.** The intent of the daily thread is not that it should replace PPD and become a place where users can avoid the rules of the subreddit. Attempting to do this will be considered circlejerking and moderated as such. **Black Pill/Incel Content/Woe-Is-Me is still banned in the daily thread. Witch hunting and insults are also still banned in the daily thread. Relegated topics must still go to in the weekly threads for those topics.** Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,4,AutoModerator,2024-01-24 11:00:29 PurplePillDebate,19dtnwm,"Women, how often do you make a guy (you like) wait for sex while having an active FWB on the side?","So… I’m usually the FWB on the side, so to me it seems like all women do this. I know my view is probably skewed, but I’m curious to know how common it is. My dating profile explicitly says I’m looking for casual hookups. So clearly that’s who I match with. But I’m currently hooking up with a woman who went on date 5 with a man she deems relationship material and he hasn’t slept with her yet. (This is what she tells me, and I have no reason to not believe her due to our casualness and openness) I’m also into kink so the type of casual sex we have is rough and filthy. But what struck me odd was a couple days ago, her and I hooked up during the mid day before she had date 5 with this man. I didn’t know she was going out with him until after, because I asked what she was up to tonight. Then she said “dinner with this guy I’m seeing” I don’t care one bit about that, but it’s kind of crazy to me, this woman just let me cum on her face at 11am and at 7pm she’s sitting across from a guy she thinks is relationship material and making wait for sex. Like, if this guy found out, he’d bail in a heartbeat I imagine. But I’m genuinely curious how widespread this behavior is. Do most of you women always have an active FWB to meet your needs while you’re out vetting “the one”? I’d appreciate your perspective Thanks",,63,d4rkw3b5,2024-01-23 17:27:31 PurplePillDebate,19dpur8,"""They're only being nice because they want sex"" - yeah, and there is nothing wrong with that","Isn't that what most guys are doing? Do women think these so called ""Chads"" out there just want a platonic relationship and just happen to get sex as a coincidence?! Hell no, they're being nice to women to get sex, too. When people see someone they're attracted to they will be on their best behavior. It's completely normal to be like this. Most single heterosexual males with a healthy libido aren't going to seek out women for strictly platonic friendships. Sex just feels too good to leave it at that. The difference between ""Chads"" and the ""nice guys"" is their success rate, nothing else, its not their tactic, but failure which separates the ladies man from the ""nice guy"" whose same actions get judged retroactively. The ""nice guy"" failing to get the girl is upona rectroactive judgment always in the wrong: if he approaches a women with the upfront intent to ask her out, he is a ""nice guy"" for treating women as potential romantic targets not getting to know them as ""regular people"" first, if he goes the get-to-know-as-friends first route, he is trying to weasel in her pants through by concealing his true motive.",,93,HardTimes4Vampires,2024-01-23 14:38:47 PurplePillDebate,19dodvn,CMV: Bluepillers don't actually care about self improvement.,"I'm as blackpilled as they come and I'll admit that self improvement can work. However, bluepilled guys here seem to think that its GUARANTEED to work and if it doesn't, you are just a lazy slob. The don't actually care about self improvement, only if you are successful or not. Bluepillers would praise a successful manipulative redpill guy over an honest guy who gave his best but failed. What happened to the CMV flair btw?",,74,flakybottom,2024-01-23 13:26:48 PurplePillDebate,19dsism,"What are some partner behaviors that are commonly considered cheating, but you don't (or otherwise don't mind)?","Is there any type of behavior from your partner that's commonly considered cheating, but you either (a) don't consider it cheating & would therefore allow it or (b) do consider it cheating, but would allow it nevertheless? I'll give some examples. Relating to a fetish: * If you fetishize same sex relationships, you probably wouldn't mind your partner cheating on you with the same sex * If you have a cuckold fetish, you probably wouldn't mind your partner cheating (with either gender) Relating to culture/values: * If you're accustomed to a culture where platonic kissing is normal, you probably wouldn't mind seeing your partner greet friends with a kiss or to show platonic affection * If you believe that as long as you're both having sex with that third person then there's no cheating because it somehow ""cancels out"" then you probably don't consider threesomes a problem * If your partner is a sex worker of some type (anywhere from escorting to selling nudes) and you believe that paid sexual activity is just like any other paid activity, then you probably don't consider that cheating Relating to desperation: * If you are desperate to a point where you don't want to lose your partner because you fear you wouldn't find someone else, so you tolerate cheating Do any of these apply to you? Or any more of this sort?",,11,brilliant22,2024-01-23 16:36:14 PurplePillDebate,19dkx45,What are things you hate about other women?,"Men have things they hate about women, women have things they hate about men, I as a man have things I hate about other men. I've had enough seeing men ranting about women on this sub every day, so that's why I want to ask women: What do you hate about other women? For example, what makes a girl ""pick-me"" ? What traits, behaviours etc. have you seen in other women that you hated? ",,30,-snickerss-,2024-01-23 09:51:42 PurplePillDebate,19dvow9,Is it seen as ungrateful or a bad choice to decline sex?,I feel bad for people who don’t get it but want it. But what about the other way around?,,5,pizzafish-,2024-01-23 18:49:38 PurplePillDebate,19dl19s,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, personal advice and memes in this thread. Here you can post everything that doesn't warrant its own thread or just do some socializing. Personal advice posting, research posts, non-TOS breaking rants, links to other locations with limited context as conversation topics, and things would be considered low effort posts are allowed in the daily thread. **Do not bring other PPD threads into the daily thread. Do not post PPD threads deserving of their own post in the daily thread.** The intent of the daily thread is not that it should replace PPD and become a place where users can avoid the rules of the subreddit. Attempting to do this will be considered circlejerking and moderated as such. **Black Pill/Incel Content/Woe-Is-Me is still banned in the daily thread. Witch hunting and insults are also still banned in the daily thread. Relegated topics must still go to in the weekly threads for those topics.** Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,9,AutoModerator,2024-01-23 10:00:17 PurplePillDebate,19ds3e9,I think this is a good definition of a “high value man”. What do you think ladies?,"People often don’t like to use the terms “high value” when talking about dating because it can dehumanize people that don’t fit into that particular criteria, and by doing so it goes against our egalitarian sensibilities in the 21st century. However, with that being said, the reality of sexual selection in humans is often a brutal pill for some people to swallow, especially if you don’t fit into that criteria yourself. When I think of what makes a man “high value” to the opposite sex, I think it’s pretty simple actually from an evolutionary perspective, and I think it’s kind of hard to argue against this definition. Let me see how you ladies respond to this definition. To me, a high value man (as it relates to the dating/mating scene) is a man that other men want to be (emulate, strive to be like, look up to), and that lots of women want to fuck (whether or not the man exercises those options or not). Doesn’t that make fuck boys high value? Well yes to a degree it would make them high value, because lots of men want to be fuck boys but simply can’t/don’t have the capability to do so. Also pre-selection is a very powerful tool for men to attract other women, which I think reinforces the validity of my definition. Why do you think guys start getting more attention from women once they get into a relationship? It’s because their current girlfriend already pre-screened the guy and found out he’s safe and fun to be around, which makes him more attractive to other women because they in turn feel safe due to other women already feeling safe. That’s pre-selection and it’s a powerful force of nature. Ladies who are in a relationship right now, I have another question for you. Do other women find your man attractive? Before you got into a relationship with this man, were other women giving him choosing signals and pining after him? Does it make you feel good that your man has lots of options when it comes to women, but he chooses not to exercise those options and instead chooses to commit to you? Doesn’t that fact that other women find him attractive and a catch make you feel good? Would you feel the same about your current man if no other woman thought he was desirable as a mate? Wouldn’t it turn you off if the man you are currently with had no other options with women and was only with you? It would make you feel like he’s desperate and you’re the only person who would put up with him right? So you see my point… pre-selection is a powerful force and I stand by my original definition of what a high value man is. A high value man is simply a man other men want to be, and that lots of women want to fuck. Period. Whether or not he’s a good long term mate is beside the point, I’m talking from a sexual selection/evolutionary perspective. Curious on your thoughts and do you agree or disagree? Thanks! ☺️",,0,know_your_self_worth,2024-01-23 16:18:30 PurplePillDebate,19crnxv,What is a red pill and a blue pill opinion you have?,"My red pill opinion: LOTS of women are sexually attracted to bad boys. My blue pill opinion: Wanting to date a younger woman because she's more ""malleable and can be trained"" will lead to heartbreak for everyone. I am not against age gap relationships on principle but this is a toxic mindset that will likely not work out well for you.",,64,Novel-Tip-7570,2024-01-22 09:15:35 PurplePillDebate,19da27x,What do you consider cheating?,"So I think we all can agree that any intimate or sexual contact of any kind with someone you're not dating is cheating.... But I think cheating starts way before the physical aspect... For me cheating is this... Anytime you knowingly seek attention or approval from a member of the opposite sex that is not a family member ( by this I mean seeking your dad's approval over a guy or a dude seeking his mom's approval over a girl) so for example if you are a couple and you go out to a club or bar with our your SO that's cheating women dress up for bars and clubs with the intent of getting attention and free drinks... Men go to these to try and get laid... So I present to you this example ( I'll present a male and female scenario) for the men if your lady goes out dressed to kill knowing what goes on in bars, so if shegoes and she lets a man buy her a drink is that cheating? Now for the ladies if your man goes out with the guys dressed up and he comes back and tells ya the next day that he only bought a drink for a girl is that cheating? My thoughts process is this cheating never starts off as immediately physical for men it's playful flirting and women is flirting and fantasies...",,4,Gold_Supermarket1956,2024-01-22 23:38:46 PurplePillDebate,19cioux,"Why do many women say age gap relationships have a ""power imbalance"" yet say nothing about wealth gap relationships?","I have seen many women(especially single women) complain that a man dating a younger women(18-24) is ""preying"" on these women and there is a power imbalance. Yet I've never seen these women criticize wealth gap relationships. Many often seek them. How is a wealthy, attractive man dating a broke, average/below average woman, not a massive power imbalance? He financially holds her up. One can argue ""it's biological"", but so is men seeking younger women. Is it really just jealousy because they see the younger woman as competition, or is there more to it?",,165,Enzo-Unversed,2024-01-22 00:39:09 PurplePillDebate,19crgeu,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, personal advice and memes in this thread. Here you can post everything that doesn't warrant its own thread or just do some socializing. Personal advice posting, research posts, non-TOS breaking rants, links to other locations with limited context as conversation topics, and things would be considered low effort posts are allowed in the daily thread. **Do not bring other PPD threads into the daily thread. Do not post PPD threads deserving of their own post in the daily thread.** The intent of the daily thread is not that it should replace PPD and become a place where users can avoid the rules of the subreddit. Attempting to do this will be considered circlejerking and moderated as such. **Black Pill/Incel Content/Woe-Is-Me is still banned in the daily thread. Witch hunting and insults are also still banned in the daily thread. Relegated topics must still go to in the weekly threads for those topics.** Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,9,AutoModerator,2024-01-22 09:00:26 PurplePillDebate,19cktkn,"What advice would you give your daughters when it comes to dating, marriage and family formation?","Would you raise them like you expect them to be members of the upper class or would you raise them like you expect them to like the average woman in your community? What advice would you give her when it comes to picking guys, sustaining stable marriages and healthy families? Would you tell them that WFH/flexible jobs would be better if they want to have a family? How would you raise your daughter if you expected them to be average? Would you put more effort to prevent them from engaging in lower class behaviour (preventing social media/drug/alcohol addiction) and making them as responsible for themselves as they can be (putting them in technical or healthcare professions instead of university, giving them an allowance if they complete their chores, making them supportive of their family)? Would you homeschool them? Or would raise them like you expect them to be a member of the top 20% (ex: by sending them to private school, surrounding them by high status members of society)?",,22,AethertheEternal,2024-01-22 02:24:07 PurplePillDebate,19c64r5,“Don’t bother a woman at [location]. She’s just there to [do activity].”,"1. ""Don't bother a woman at the bar. She's just there to have a drink with her friends."" 2. ""Don't bother a woman at the store. She's just there to shop."" 3. ""Don't bother a woman at the library. She's just there to read."" 4. ""Don't bother a woman who smiled at you. She's just a kind person."" the problem with this is that unless you're on a dating app, you can't really obtain consent without bothering the person first (reading the room can be difficult as one woman just friendly could be another woman's obvious flirting) , the very act of approach is asking whether there she will agree to something more -- is asking for consent -- Every approach can be construed as problematic when it is from the eyes of a woman who isn't welcoming to a mans advances -- no matter how polite it is, how fast he reads her cues of disinterest and backs off is never enough . This is why women keep piling up rules that lead men not to approach them at all: they star s with don't approach at work, but outside professional settings is ok, then we get but don't bother me in the park walking my dog or while running errands cause its ""weird"" , so they suggest bars and night-clubs, but then they're just there to enjoy a night out with their friends and really don't appreciate men hitting on them either...",,136,HardTimes4Vampires,2024-01-21 15:43:35 PurplePillDebate,19cjtvv,What do you think is the cause for this to happen?,"I've seen this in real life and also online stories of this happening. This might be too difficult to answer A man who is married, who loves his wife and children, the man works 70 hours a week, works super hard, provides for his wife/children, claims he also helps tremendously with the house work, does whatever the wife says/wants, takes out the children and looks after them as well, panders to his wife/kids and then....... his wife leaves - even though the husband seems to do everything/anything with her What is the reason for this? Is it because the man is a 'beta provider' and the women was never really attracted to him in the first place? Is it because the man does so much for the women she loses respect/interest and leaves? Is it because women get bored with guys like that? Honestly, this is one of my greatest fears of getting married, i just can't imagine how heart broken i'd be if i was in that situation, where i gave so much to someone only for them to just decide their feelings have changed and they want to leave. So what actually is the cause of this? sorry it's a very broad question, not sure if there is an answer to this",,20,ShelterNo2786,2024-01-22 01:33:49 PurplePillDebate,19cq44l,Serial killer infatuation,Why do you think certain girls are attracted to serial killers such as Jeffrey Dahmer etc. It's my understanding that they get an Fan mail and things like that.,,8,Writing_Good,2024-01-22 07:22:57 PurplePillDebate,19cj2xa,Prenup a red flag?,"Normally when men tell women to sign a prenup, its consider red flag, but when women tell men to sign a prenup, its consider a green flag, why is there major double standard? Thoughts came from this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H7wcg-1MRY0",,14,nsfwlucifer,2024-01-22 00:58:10 PurplePillDebate,19cbn48,Why do women love testing men,"Here are some challenges I've seen in the reasoning behind it. Would your partner peel an orange for you: if not he will not work hard for you. Does your partner know how to clean up ketchup If not he's incompetent. Give your partner the silent treatment to see how they react. All these things are very annoying and they don't really get the hearts of most issues. Sometimes I just don't want to do many of things that I know my partner can do themselves. I would probably not open the orange for my girlfriend if it's in their hands and I'm busy. But I've worked extra hours to help pay for her back the bills. I know how to clean up ketchup. But if I didn't that's probably just a skill issue I could learn that that's a 10-second conversation. I've seen an ex completely breakdown because they didn't know where and how to use the emergency water shut off valve. And these stupid questions are just stupid. Would I love you as a snail no because you're a snail. If you cry because I wouldn't love you as a style then you're just mentally unsound. Then reality testing your partner over menial things that sometimes don't have a direct causation to real things is a terrible thing and it feels like it's normally done by women. Edit: if you have ever said "" you should know why I am angry with you"" when they ask why are you upset then you have tested/ player games too",,36,sayitallsecret,2024-01-21 19:36:58 PurplePillDebate,19c5ha1,"outside of some obvious exceptions, having no friends is a red flag","Outside of some obvious exceptions - ie. no flag when you just moved to a new city or a yellow flag when you’ve just started to socially get yourself together or when you’ve just had a falling out for external reasons (ie. if your friends betray you or drop you due to political differences) - not having friends should be considered a red flag. For one thing from a personal pov, having friends is at least some kind of indicator of social activity as well as a sign that you’re able to interact with others and maintain some kind of a relationship. It also is an indicator that you’re actually willing to commit to others. From a relationship based pov, people with no friends are usually worse communicators, more likely to develop an unhealthy attachment with you, will potentially circle their whole life around you and will very likely have a ton of insecurities and internal issues that you will be thrown right in the middle of. So honestly, if you don’t have any friends - maybe it isn’t time for a relationship? maybe you should focus on why you don’t have friends and rectify that before dating?",,56,KayRay1994,2024-01-21 15:13:58 PurplePillDebate,19c1kk2,Are women the primary motivator in most men's lives?,"Seen a lot of non-blue pillers say that if men learnt the true nature of women, they would give up on society and only care about ""surviving"". Seems like it's [already happening](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hikikomori) in Japan. How true is this though? Would men just really become NEETs once you take women off the table? Is the sex drive and the desire to have a family what motivates most men? Would society start to... collapse?",,63,-snickerss-,2024-01-21 11:36:28 PurplePillDebate,19c4ylc,What are your thoughts on settling? How many people do you think settle? Do you have an experience settling or being settled for?,"I would define settling as ""better than nothing"". It something that is acceptable but it's not what you truly want. It might be out of many reason like running out of time to have children, for money, out of despair, for the sake of not being alone... Any reason other than genuine love and desire is settling. If it's based on logic and/or convenience and not genuine love and desire, it's settling. If you are not over your ex and choose someone as a second best, as consolation prize, it's settling It has nothing to do with ""alpha / beta"", nothing to do with ""value"". Those things are not measurable and not universal. So it's based on your personal subjective feelings and preferences. If you truly love your person you're not settling even if there exist taller, richer, whatever ""better"" people. If you don't dream about someone else (imaginery or real) you are not settling. If it's genuine love and desire it's not settling. It's based on your subjective feelings, not some measurable objective standards. So this is my definition of settling. If you have different definition or want to add something feel free to do so. What do you think are the main reason for settling? My guess would be running out of time to have a family for women and despair / sake of not being alone for men. Who settle more, men or women? In this case I have no idea. I think women do it after 30 to have children, but based on reading this sub it seems that men are desperate for just any random women regardless if they truly love her. So maybe men? Would you settle, have you settled, were you settled for? I just think that settling is not a nice thing to do because you have to essentialy lie to the other person, pretend that you love them. And I could never do it. And being settled for would also break my heart if I loved that person. Maybe mutual settling might be fine if both really want to have a family for example. I'm interested to hear what are everyone's thoughts on settling.",,21,Objective_Ad_6265,2024-01-21 14:49:07 PurplePillDebate,19c3fjt,Which one is correct?,"1. You need to have your own life, own hobbies, be happy and fulfilled. Dating someone won’t fulfill your needs. It won’t make you more happy. 2. Being lonely and single is bad for your mental health. You need to be in a relationship.",,17,DownwardSpiral_2000,2024-01-21 13:29:34 PurplePillDebate,19bvhbs,Why I believe Men are unsympathetic towards Women's grievances in dating.,"I believe there are 2 MAIN reasons for this. 1) Something is better than nothing. It's no secret that women on average have a plethora of more options than men on average. While women are trying to filter through their's, men are trying to take what they can get. So when women complain that they can't find a good man or they're lonely, us men go ""🙄"" especially with the rise of priding themselves on being gold diggers and publicly prancing on social media how he has to have ""6 figures, over 6ft, etc). Meanwhile us men are thinking ""Out of ALL THE MEN who want you you're telling me NONE of them suffice?!"" That's reason #1. 2) It's always the men who don't ""deserve the opportunity who get the opportunity"". Let me explain...Guys can relate when I say this. Guys in every community know of AT LEAST 1 or 2 guys that are NO GOOD (talking about will use and discard the girl, caring nothing for her) and absolutely SLAY with women. So when we witness this and us men in our head go ""I wouldn't do that, or the guys ik wouldn't either"". And then you see the SAME GIRL or archetype of girls get in the SAME SITUATIONS with the SAME MAN with a different face, and then complain all men are the same. So bear with us ladies...how COULD we feel sympathetic to your struggles when y'all (not all) throw yourselves at these men who are no good and then complain about all men. When guys who wouldn't treat you that way don't even get the opportunity. At some point we just think you're hopeless 🤷🏽‍♂️ and ""you do it to yourselves"". That I believe is the core reasons why men on online forums, subreddits or even IRL discussions are so quick to dismiss and scoff at the opinions and grievances of women when it comes to dating. That is also VERY PREVALENT in PPD as well. I hope I shed some light on the topic. Also feel free to challenge this rhetoric and provide thorough reasoning for a counterclaim. Can't wait to see u guys' responses.",,76,ej_theraider,2024-01-21 04:56:45 PurplePillDebate,19czysr,Pretty girls don't have it as easy as you think (although they definitely have it easier than most men),"Another banger from Hoe_math, it's no wonder he's blowing up on tiktok, his metacognitive skills are top notch. Anyway, i want to add a couple caveats to his analysis: 1) This is predicated on the assumption that these top women want to lock down a man they feel is on their level - probably a safe assumption in the majority of cases. For those top level women who don't care about LTR's, this analysis doesn't matter. 2) Pretty women still have more LTR options than he lets on. A female 10 who can lock down a male 7 who is financially stable/educated/conscientious/family oriented is, IMO, is a winner, long term. This is predicated on the assumption that women care about not JUST looks, but other things as well. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HYd1-enPujU",,0,AdmirableSelection81,2024-01-22 16:45:16 PurplePillDebate,19bwr6n,Would you be a beta bucks?,"I already asked the ladies this question so now I really want to hear from the men. With everything you now know about alpha fuxs/ beta bucks, would you be a beta bucks? Let's say certain types of girls wouldn't give you the time of day in the past, or were just too difficult to deal with and wasted your time. Now a couple of years later you been hitting the gym, landed that good job/business, got a hot car, etc. Now those ladies from the past are a little older, Don't look as good as they used to, been around the block, and maybe a single mom too. Things didn't work out with her and Chad or the types of guys she used to date are all gone and now you're the best option (she believes) she can get. Will you get with her? Also do you think many guys will still get with her now that so many guys are Red Pill aware?",,5,GhettoJamesBond,2024-01-21 06:10:50 PurplePillDebate,19biqe8,Is approaching women something men are stopping to do? Is it also frowned upon? Also is male sexuality demonized?,"Please don’t say women only like it when it’s a high value man or an alpha. Jesuchrist I’ve read that a million times. I just want to have a fun, spicy discussion. Anything that’s not a research study cannot be taken seriously I guess. I would appreciate it if you used papers and discussed methodology.",,46,_RichardHendricks_,2024-01-20 18:48:30 PurplePillDebate,19byeuy,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, personal advice and memes in this thread. Here you can post everything that doesn't warrant its own thread or just do some socializing. Personal advice posting, research posts, non-TOS breaking rants, links to other locations with limited context as conversation topics, and things would be considered low effort posts are allowed in the daily thread. **Do not bring other PPD threads into the daily thread. Do not post PPD threads deserving of their own post in the daily thread.** The intent of the daily thread is not that it should replace PPD and become a place where users can avoid the rules of the subreddit. Attempting to do this will be considered circlejerking and moderated as such. **Black Pill/Incel Content/Woe-Is-Me is still banned in the daily thread. Witch hunting and insults are also still banned in the daily thread. Relegated topics must still go to in the weekly threads for those topics.** Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,3,AutoModerator,2024-01-21 08:00:21 PurplePillDebate,19bjrpf,"Do you believe in the idea of ""just be her first?""","I started this as a post in the daily chat, and the replies there seem to warrant a bigger discussion. Q4W: Do you agree with alpha-widow hypothesis? Do you think, based either on your experience or your friends, that the first good sexual relationship leaves a big imprint that is hard to move on from? In my years I've met various women who are kind of floundering in the dating world, and with all, or at least most, of them there seems to be a person in their past that they wanted, for whatever reason couldn't have, and can't and/or won't get over. When I learned about the idea of the alpha-widow, the situation of these women instantly made a lot more sense. I also tend to notice that most happily married women are with someone they met when they were young. There seems to be something that can be said about meeting your potentially lifelong partner when you're young. So, is the idea of ""just be her first"" actually a lot more important than some people like to let on?",,27,OtPayOkerSmay,2024-01-20 19:32:50 PurplePillDebate,19bo389,The Red pill and Manosphere is based on possibility and not probability,"The Red pill says that they are based on probability and not possibility, but i think it's the opposite, and im going to explain why. The Red pill tells men that they should wait until they are 35-40 old when they are financially stable to get married, and find a girl in her prime (18-25 old) to marry and start a family. The problem is the chances of this happening are very low. 1.THE AVERAGE AGE difference between heterosexual couples in the United States is only 2.3 years, with the man being older.[Average age gap between couples](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_disparity_in_sexual_relationships#:~:text=Most%20heterosexual%20men%20marry%20women,gap%20being%20largest%20in%20Africa.) In other countries the age difference is also minimal, only in third world countries where child marriage is allowed there is a large age difference between couples. That means that the vast majority of women date within their same age range, and on average, men aren't successful with much younger women. Less than 7% of marriage have an age gap of more than 9 years, which means big age gaps are very uncommon. 2. [[THE GREATER THE AGE DIFFERENCE, THE GREATER THE RISK ](https://gitnux.org/age-difference-between-couples-statistics/#:~:text=The%20average%20age%20difference%20between,with%20the%20man%20being%20older.)] -""The optimal age difference for a lasting marriage is one year, with a divorce rate of 3%, while the rate jumps to 18% when there’s a five-year age gap"". -According to a study, age difference of at least ten years increases the odds of marital instability by 39%. -The divorce rate for a couple with a 20-year age gap is as high as 95%. The Red Pill cares a lot about divorce statistics when it comes to the number of sexual partners a woman has, but they don't care about divorce statistics when it comes to large age differences. Quite hypocritical if you ask me. 3.""According to the United States Census Bureau, in 2022, the median age for marriage was approximately 30.5 years old for men and 28.6 years old for women"" This means that most women between 18-25 aren't interesed in marriage, neither in starting a family at that age. 4. [Couples who get married before the age of 25 are statistically more likely to have their marriages end in divorce. ](https://www.rechlaw.com/blog/2022/november/are-young-couples-more-likely-to-get-divorced-/#:~:text=If%20a%20couple%20gets%20married%20when%20they're%2020%20to,10%20percent%20risk%20of%20divorce.) ""According to the statistics, if a couple gets married when they’re teenagers, they have a 38 percent risk of divorce. If a couple gets married when they’re 20 to 24, they have a 27 percent risk of divorce. By comparison, couples who get married when they’re 25 to 29 years old have a 14 percent risk of divorce, and couples who marry when they’re 30 to 34 years old only have a 10 percent risk of divorce"" ""Greco and Wolfinger believe that the reason for the increased likelihood of divorce for younger couples is that people are still growing and figuring out who they are until their mid to late 20s. The human brain doesn’t fully develop until a person reaches their mid-20s"" This means that women who marry before the age of 25 have a much higher probability of divorcing than those who do so between 30-34 years old. Therefore it is not very good advice to tell women that they should marry between 18-25. Of course the Red Pill doesn't care about these statistics because they don't benefit their philosophy. So knowing these statistics and data, what is the probability that a man over 35 years old can get a girl between 18 and 25 years old who does not care about the age difference, wants to get married and have children already at that age and that marriage doesn't end in divorce? I'm not saying that it can't happen, just that the probability is very low, and advice should be based on probabilities, not possibilities. What is your opinion?",,12,No_Leopard_6074,2024-01-20 22:43:03 PurplePillDebate,19bhstj,Which do you feel a woman values more?,"Here is a question mainly targeted towards men, however women can answer as well, it's open. Most guys seem to pull validation from a girl who sees them as attractive enough to hook up with, without having to commit their life to them. I think some guys feel insecure and want to believe they are attractive (it's okay to be insecure but it's not okay to let it affect your personal life and decisions) However girls see the guy they are willing to settle down with, and not hook up with just for casual sex as valued more because she's willing to build a life with them. So Guy 1, she is willing to be a fwb with him for a while, but won't date him, or have any kids with him. Guy 2, she won't have casual sex with him, but will be in a long term relationship, have kids with him (if the couple even wants kids) etc etc Which guy do you think she values more? Also before the incels, white knights, and or radical women comment I'll go a head and get a few things out the way. One, I know there are sometimes in-between situations, and everyone is different. A girl might end up hooking up with a guy, having a kid by him, then get in a long term relationship with another guy and not want anymore kids. Two, I'm not saying women don't have any value in a relationship outside of sex, and or the potential of children, this is just a very simplified question, and any assumptions you place on it really says more about you and your world views than mine. Three, clarifying again, this is a very simple situation, and ofc doesn't cover everyone wants and needs. Some people might prefer to never settle down. Some people might prefer to never have hook ups. Some do both, or neither yadayadayada",,17,LastBlackSamurai99,2024-01-20 18:08:18 PurplePillDebate,19boobt,"Women, what do you think is your responsibility in a relationship?","The situation is **you're with a man you really want to keep**. We are talking about things **you're** responsible for. This means you can't say stuff like - ""It's my responsibility to hold *him* accountable to *his* responsibilities."" That doesn't qualify. What are things that you think are absolute foundations for keeping it together with your man, or any man you want to keep? These are things that you know you have to do based on what you think he wants. They could be small things, emotional things, ways of doing things, big things. What do men like and what do you think men like when you're with them? What is on you to give to your man in a relationship? What is it that you think men want from **you** in order to continue enjoying life with **you** to the point where they want to keep **you** around?",,7,Da_Famous_Anus,2024-01-20 23:08:50 PurplePillDebate,19bb9n2,"What are your ""sexual standards"" for a man?","Most women have a general set of standards for what they want in a man. Like the way he looks, Income, height, charisma, race, humor etc. Let's dive more into the details, though. Assuming you're not asexual, you're going to have sex at some point with this man. But you find out he's not exactly the type of guy you want when it comes to that part. So what I'm asking is, what are your standards for that? Examples are: Low libido/high libido? Sex frequency? Penis size? How long should he last? Dominant, switch or submissive? Dirty talk? and so on... whatever comes to your mind.",,24,-snickerss-,2024-01-20 13:01:02 PurplePillDebate,19bg9ym,AD HOC WEEKLY DISCUSSION THREAD,"**If there is no stickied comment below, assume it is a free-for-all of relegated topics.** [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/3aHh4trC7B) Include your reddit username, pill color, age and gender when you arrive in the welcome mat to introduce yourself and help people get to know you. &#x200B; You can also find Mrs\_Drgree on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/?hl=en) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree) for notifications on when good threads are posted.",,9,AutoModerator,2024-01-20 17:01:29 PurplePillDebate,19bumcj,Is Argentina's President Javier Milei Red-pilled without coming out and directly saying it?,"He has never used the term to my knowledge and many of the viral clips of him are attacking leftist's and their institutions. However, I have seen him call out government programs, spending, etc, that are supported by feminists. He recently gave a speech at the WEF - [https://youtu.be/IaP33mtac2k](https://youtu.be/IaP33mtac2k) He was mainly focused on attacking Communism, Leftism, Socialism, and Neoclassical Economics in this speech. However, many of the things he says seems to apply to modern-day feminism. For instance, their use of the government to enforce their ideology by using the monopoly of state violence; to not be intimated by the current political class (I would say is now mostly feminist, if only giving lip service, at least in the west); how you should not be afraid of ambition and never apologize for it, even if feminists would often tell you otherwise and how bad it is for women ([https://www.smartbrief.com/original/double-edged-workplace-ambition-good-men-bad-women](https://www.smartbrief.com/original/double-edged-workplace-ambition-good-men-bad-women)); that the state is the problem itself, yet this current man hating feminism would likely not exist without the threat of the state. However his most important quote in this speech I provide as evidence for my theory is this: ""given the dismal failure of collectivist models and the undeniable advances in the Free World, socialists were forced to chase their agenda. They left behind the class struggle based on the economic system and replaced this with other supposed social conflicts which are just as harmful to life as a community and to economic growth, the first of these new battles was the ridiculous and unnatural fight between man and woman."" Two points: I understand some feminist say feminism is not collectivist, but I would disagree given how they have separated from Terfs, and how they are treated by other women. So I don't think that argument flies, at least not with all (or probably most) feminists, even if it does make them hypocrites. Second, I think the current wave of feminism is the direct cause of the red pill movement and one of the major causes of the current unnatural fight between man and woman, as Milei put it. Whether women were co-opted by socialists, or they naturally got in bed with them, I think no one can deny the feminism of today is not the same one my parents or their parents grew up with, and is far more man hating then any previous instance (at least openly and celebrated). Do you think his speech was pro red pill? Why or why not? Is there anything you agree with or disagree with that he said? &#x200B;",,0,pinner52,2024-01-21 04:06:07 PurplePillDebate,19bfdjv,Artificial womb in the next decades,"Hellio. How do you believe the introduction of artificial insemination for men with the AW by 2040 will impact society and how raising a kid is regarded. Fathers will likely raise kids by themselves with women in the family appearing in the proces. While it will not be necessary to dating and wasting money on apps. How do you see this development which will also override feminism and nuclear families.",,3,nlignmn1847,2024-01-20 16:21:40 PurplePillDebate,19auhn9,The DHS paid almost 700k to a counter-terrorism NGO to intercept and divert Twitter traffic away from people in the “manosphere” and those who take issue with promiscuity. Do you agree with these actions and the funding of this report?,"There are several Americans and others listed in the report. However, specifically on page 46 it says the authors of the report are investigating videos from the “whatever podcast mocking the ‘body count’- that is, the number of sexual partners someone has had”? The report can no longer be accessed on the main website, as it now been changed to require a request for access. Report website: https://www.divertinghate.org/post/misogynistic-extremism-the-manosphere-and-mainstream-social-media-september-2023#:\~:text=Diverting%20Hate%20Bi%2DAnnual%20Report,media's%20role%20in%20spreading%20hate. But it can still be found on scribd thanks to someone who uploaded it: https://www.scribd.com/document/691671399/Diverting-Hate-Bi-Annual-Report-September-2023 Clips of the Whatever podcast/others taking issue with this report and the government actions can be found here: https://youtu.be/fCmg8W5trn8 Do you think this is something the government should be concerned about? How does this report make you feel? Is the something that is dangerous or benign? Why or why not? Edit",,83,pinner52,2024-01-19 21:36:36 PurplePillDebate,19b104h,Do women want their partner to say yes to their wants?,I feel like every girl I’ve gone out with wants to experience new things multiple times a week and it’s like telling them we can’t go skydiving today because we went zip lining yesterday and I don’t have the money to do this multiple times a week.,,22,oddkidmatt,2024-01-20 02:26:48 PurplePillDebate,19b5v6s,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, personal advice and memes in this thread. Here you can post everything that doesn't warrant its own thread or just do some socializing. Personal advice posting, research posts, non-TOS breaking rants, links to other locations with limited context as conversation topics, and things would be considered low effort posts are allowed in the daily thread. **Do not bring other PPD threads into the daily thread. Do not post PPD threads deserving of their own post in the daily thread.** The intent of the daily thread is not that it should replace PPD and become a place where users can avoid the rules of the subreddit. Attempting to do this will be considered circlejerking and moderated as such. **Black Pill/Incel Content/Woe-Is-Me is still banned in the daily thread. Witch hunting and insults are also still banned in the daily thread. Relegated topics must still go to in the weekly threads for those topics.** Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,12,AutoModerator,2024-01-20 07:00:16 PurplePillDebate,19b0cpw,Male charisma can be non-alpha and non-masculine,"Was reading a book on Charisma and relating it to my personal observations and experiences Basically, charisma can be broken down into three components - presence, power and warmth. Presence means paying attention to the current moment and being able to respond accordingly right on the spot, the opposite of being on auto-pilot Power means the ability to influence the world around us - through intelligence, persuasion, physical brute force, etc Warmth tells us whether or not people will want to use whatever power they have in our favor. Being seen as warm means being perceived as any of the following: benevolent, altruistic, caring, or willing to impact our world in a positive way. None of this implies that as a male, you have to be traditionally masculine to demonstrate these things. For example to demonstrate power trait, a man may be relatively short and not muscular to physically overpower other men. But he can demonstrate the ability to lead social conversations to influence the group he is in. I remember watching a really short dating coach explaining how to handle other men trying to snatch your girlfriend in front of you in a club setting. He wasn't resorting to hostile aggressive approach of threatening to beat other men. But rather diverting the men's attention by smooth talking them out of approaching his girlfriend. Other examples. There are male singers such as Cigarettes After Sex and Rhye who legit sound like a sultry woman. But people celebrate their music because they provide positive sentimental qualities. I guess what I'm trying to get at is a middle ground between red pill alpha theory and exredpill be yourself theory. a male has to put in an effort to work on his charm. But the charming qualities do not have to be about conforming to hypermasculine gender expectation of being excessively muscular, having really deep voice, etc..",,17,CaseOfInsanity,2024-01-20 01:54:30 PurplePillDebate,19bolq4,"Men don't take responsibility either, and often bludgeon ourselves with our own wall.","[Repost due to mis-flair] I'm not trying to lay blame for everything here, and I thank my lucky scro that I went to highschool in a previous era. I look back at pictures of that time and see huge groups of young ladies and men who were thrilled to see each other and have a good time. It was us against the older generations, not us against each other. Still, so many men flagellate themselves, basically yanking their own wall toward themselves. How many men do you all know, of all adult ages, whose lives revolve around watching sports, playing videogames, and inhaling shitty food? Yes, the dating game sucks right now and politics made it suck so much more than it needs to. But how many of those lonely guys could start pulling women if they spent even a third of the time they do playing COD exercising, learning to play an instrument, cooking nutritious food, etc.? I know that a lot of this is dealing with mental health issues, but there really isn't much to stop lots of young men from exchanging at least some portion of time watching sports and playing video games for anything that's even a bit more rewarding in the long term. It doesn't take that long to learn to play an instrument at a reasonable level, and women give that shit way too much credit. If you can even kind of play a guitar, and you aren't completely hideous, you will get opportunities to talk to women. Young men have gotten the shaft, but they also have a tendency to shaft themselves on the very basics of diet, physical activity, and basic self-advancement. If a man spends 4 hours a day playing video games and can't be assed to so much as listen to an audiobook while he's doing it, it ain't the legitimately absurd standards of the day keeping him out of the game. And as a guy who is a little older, let me tell you, every sin of your twenties comes back to bite you three fold over the following decades. It's way harder to push that wall back once a man has already laid it on himself.",,0,8m3gm60,2024-01-20 23:05:35 PurplePillDebate,19bbyp4,"Many women enjoy some BDSM kink in the bedroom, what caused your interest?","No, I’m not fapping. At some point, for those that partake, you found yourself j treated in bed room activities of the BdSM variety. It could be as simple as light choking to full contact anime jello struggling. Why do you like what you like? It’s beyond just an orgasm, what is it you like about choking or jello of being tied up with tentacles, whatever. What is it about the kink that does it for you?",,0,Geselshaft,2024-01-20 13:38:30 PurplePillDebate,19bjdib,How does hypergamy explain things like gangbang fantasy?,"Let's say woman is in the room with bunch of guys with opportunity to choose to fuck someone, hypergamy would say that women will look for the best male (which I agree with). But when females are honest about their fantasies, and if you look at statistics, bunch of women are turned on by idea of gangbangs, threesomes and double penetrations. How does hypergamy explain women wanting lots of men instead of the best one?",,0,Unhappy-Fly4791,2024-01-20 19:15:42 PurplePillDebate,19ahh8a,How important Is losing virginity for women now?,"Imho a lot of people think that women Will Always Remember that moments while actually a lot of them Just move on After losing virginity, they arent attached at all to that man. Most of the times they lose their virginity in Ltr with non Chads they can control/would not be emotionally invested.",,9,Sitchnatio,2024-01-19 11:58:18 PurplePillDebate,19bd5fi,How can LTRs last when modern men discard women who reach thirty or forty?,I'm trying to understand the fetish behind young women and how men expect to manage a LTR if you consider thirty or forty too old. Are you just gonna ditch the relationship as she ages?,,0,aleexownz,2024-01-20 14:39:30 PurplePillDebate,19absxd,What made you willing to hook up?,"For ladies who've had casual sex, what exactly was the thing that sealed the deal that made you go through with it? What about the guy made you choose him? Where were you in life currently? Did you regret it, or do you look back on it fondly?",,23,LastBlackSamurai99,2024-01-19 05:39:14 PurplePillDebate,199xbax,Women are afforded a lot more leeway in what they can get away with,"This applies to things as small as being rude, to things as serious as sexual assault. If you want an example you need to look no further than the platform we are all on right now. If you look at their content policy you will see that in the very first rule they state that only ""vulnerable"" groups are protected. A Reddit Admin has even clarified that [you have to make your own sub](https://imgur.com/nZ1G9fJ) if you want the same basic protection afforded to everyone else. When it comes to more serious examples you just need to look at how the news reports female predators. I'm sure we have all seen the typical headlines of female teachers that ""had sex"" with one of her students (we all know the headline would use a certain other word if the genders were flipped). There was also a recent example of a woman who was [arrested for diddling herself on the beach](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bJzeEGAi3_4) (she was reported by a family with kids) and was later found to have taken her own life. If you look at the comment section you can see all sorts of ""poor her"" reactions, but something tells me it would not be the same if it was a man who got caught whacking one out in front of children.",,141,Many_Dragonfly4154,2024-01-18 18:42:34 PurplePillDebate,19a9n5j,How do you explain the phenomenon of ‘high quality’ falling for absolute dregs?," Inspiration for this post: a very attractive, intelligent and ambitious mutual friend is now dating an older, pudgy, fairly unattractive single dad who seems like a scumbag going by the frequent obnoxious often racist shit he posts on social media which I know doesn’t even align with her views. Its not the first time I’ve witnessed such a thing - my friends sexy ex roommate studying medicine and dating a scruffy unemployed pothead who had already cheated on her comes to mind - another case where a mutual friend defended the guy abusing and stealing money from her - and the shit breaks my brain. I know we all perceive peoples value differently but you can’t help but in some of these cases you can’t hear but wonder what the fuck they are actually thinking. Sometimes the guys women go for are arrogant assholes but you can acknowledge that they’re otherwise good looking successful or charismatic.. but sometimes it’s a complete mystery since these seem like gutter balls from every angle and aren’t even nice people. If you held a gun to my head I would struggle to think of a genuine compliment for them. I know this seems a bit mean spirited and envious but seriously It’s whack in a world where higher value men I know that are good looking kind hearted and socially intelligent are being frequently rejected. So what’s the deal with highly desirable women with endless options going for dregs and oftentimes defending their disrespectful behaviour? In the age of dating abundance where they can have another better guy by the next day A lot of ‘high value ‘ men are beguiled by gold diggers and schemers but most will even admit that’s more of a physical allure whereas in the case of women to men it seems less physical and they genuinely think of these guys as being high value Surely It can’t merely be a case of acting confident - if that’s all it took to win ladies hearts then there wouldn’t be a need for dating apps and dating coaches and shit And there’s no way these guys are masterful manipulators, some of them aren’t nearly smart or strategic enough. They aren’t all ‘dark triad’ guys either some are just lazy selfish ambitionless and boring. What do you think is going on? Edit I guess low self esteem would explain it, I know some people who seem to have it all but still suffer from it. Although I still find it wild how such women will still refuse to even entertain the interest from most guys who are if anything better than the ones they end up falling for. Maybe they feel on some level that they don’t deserve someone better or want to be with someone who they believe will never cheat on them. ",,21,StaticNocturne,2024-01-19 03:41:48 PurplePillDebate,19ac60o,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, personal advice and memes in this thread. Here you can post everything that doesn't warrant its own thread or just do some socializing. Personal advice posting, research posts, non-TOS breaking rants, links to other locations with limited context as conversation topics, and things would be considered low effort posts are allowed in the daily thread. **Do not bring other PPD threads into the daily thread. Do not post PPD threads deserving of their own post in the daily thread.** The intent of the daily thread is not that it should replace PPD and become a place where users can avoid the rules of the subreddit. Attempting to do this will be considered circlejerking and moderated as such. **Black Pill/Incel Content/Woe-Is-Me is still banned in the daily thread. Witch hunting and insults are also still banned in the daily thread. Relegated topics must still go to in the weekly threads for those topics.** Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,8,AutoModerator,2024-01-19 06:00:24 PurplePillDebate,199zxk8,"Blue pill: ""We are equal"", Red pill: ""We are different"", Purple pill: ""We are different, but we have to treat each other equally at least some of the time""","(restating the title for better formatting) - Blue pill: ""We are equal"" - Red pill: ""We are different"" - Purple pill: ""We are different, but we have to treat each other equally at least some of the time"" All ""pills"" are about human nature and human psychology. The _first_ aspect of getting ""pilled"" is to realize something about human nature is not as popularly assumed (even when science affirms the lesser known aspect of it). The _second_ aspect is figuring out what there is to do with this knowledge. I think the second aspect is where people get stuck. It's one thing to recognize a truth, but truth alone can't stick in the mind unless you can reduce the friction around believing something that your neighbors don't believe. Some do this with hatred. Some try to forget and revert to the blue pill. Some look for a way forward. This is what I want to talk about. What do you think is the way forward? What steps does the red pill community need to take to grow up and process to the second step (without depending on hatred or forgetting part of your own humanity, as many do)?",,30,coolnavigator,2024-01-18 20:29:18 PurplePillDebate,199ljny,"""You have to work 10 times harder than your grandfathers for women 10 times worse.""","Does this statement hold true? I've seen this being thrown around whenever somebody wants to summarize the current dating scene. I mean, if you look at it, dating apps overwhelm women with an abundance of options. Beauty standards for men have never been this high. Whereas for women, pointing out that she's obese is ""fat shaming"". Do you think in 1900s your grandma cared if her husband was 6ft+ and had a six pack with a sharp jawline? I'm not saying you can't get into a relationship if you don't meet these standards, but it's no doubt that beauty standards for men these days have inflated. Back in the day marriage was more of a safety blanket to help women get by. So in a way, they had to be more loyal to their man.That's not to say your grandma hates your grandpa, but they learned to love each other. You see men these days saying they're glad that they found their wives prior to this mess of a dating scene.",,180,-snickerss-,2024-01-18 08:36:42 PurplePillDebate,199q5fr,How true is the Madonna Whore complex for guys?,"Do most guys catergorize girls into wifey or hook up material?For instance if you see an extremely attractive girl do guys automatically assume she is a whore, while plaine Jane’s are catergorized into wifey material.How common is this perception and how you seen this complex occurring in real life?",,61,Spiritual-Fox-1330,2024-01-18 13:28:52 PurplePillDebate,199zas5,"How bad Is not being able tò do masculine jobs when It comes to long term relationship? ( Like fixing, assemble things, Easy plumbing/maintenance, orientation without Google maps )","Imho It goes about women that dont see you as capable/confident and they dont perceive you as an alpha If you dont know how tò handle problems. Calling a plumber isnt the same as doing the job by yourself with your hands, same applies for not being able tò orientate by yourself, She Will not believe in your capacity and thats bad. What do you think?",,15,Emotional-Tadpole-53,2024-01-18 20:03:26 PurplePillDebate,199pyso,Men who constantly surround themselves with terrible women are typically simps.,"A guy actually did change my view on the things. I used to think guys kept chasing awful women. Then a guy here made me realize simps are attracting shallow nassicistic women with their groveling and thirstiness. Most women wouldn't want a man who is clingy, desperate, and over affectionate when they first meet, so the only ones left would be the ones who think they deserve to be worshipped. This also ties in with “Nice Guys Finist Last” where guys believing niceness is the same as passivity, desperation, clinginess, and codependency. Most women not only find this to be a turn off but also creepy. People who want equality don't want to be worshipped. Somewhat real life example, I was dating this guy. Thing were going really well, but by date three, he got clingy. We literally just met on date one and he was gushing about how wonderful I am, how I'm the one, always saying he’s thinking of me and if I’m thinking of him, etc. So I told him to tone it down and that's the last I heard of him. I did remember he talked about how his girlfriend was a succubus from hell, so I was thinking she was one of those narcissists that took advantage of his clinginess. Now I imagine someone will claim “society taught men to be simps because they pushed that Women Are Wonderful”. They coincidentally never noticed the Karen meme, the landwhale meme, Onlyfans Whore memes, or when women like Kathleen Kenndy, Amber Heard, Mindy Kahling, Coleen, and that bitchy Snow White actress get massively hated by the masses. Also, Snow White, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, even in children’s media is there evil women in it. Even in the Bible there were evil women, especially Delilah. It could be that these men only hang around narcissistic women, because those are the only women who are willing to put up with servile men and the only ones crazy enough to side with women that are publicly villified.",,47,LillthOfBabylon,2024-01-18 13:19:04 PurplePillDebate,19b1dq7,Men and women are not equal and will never be equal,"Men and women being equal is the most problematic concept that has been allowed to permeate in society. Men and women are not physically equal, we dont think the same and we have different motivations. Men are also accepting of more pressure and responsibility than women and handle it better which makes men better leaders. On a sexual level women also want men that are better than them or superior than them in nearly everything. None of this can also fit with the nonsensical idea that men and women are ""equal"". It doesnt add up. The correct idea should be that men are above women.",,0,Tight-Breeder,2024-01-20 02:45:53 PurplePillDebate,199ml1z,"How can men prevent sexless, transactional or “bait & switch” marriages or long term relationships?","I hear so many horror stories about men getting married or having children and his partner then never, rarely or occasionally having sex with him. How can men prevent something like this from happening?",,55,MasterofBoats,2024-01-18 09:52:09 PurplePillDebate,199phcq,Did a (F) Coworker Confirm Major Parts of TRP Theory?,"Hey all, I had an interesting interaction last night that, even at the time, I found very fascinating based on how organic and natural it was, and how it seemed to confirm parts of TRP theory. But first, some background. As far as me goes, I'm left leaning politically and definitely do not subscribe to TRP. My only real point of contention with general left leaning ideology is that I do think that men in the West experience a great deal of life-altering sexism (although I also think that women certainly do as well). My workplace is in the aerospace industry and is thus male-dominated, probably 80-90% male. Yesterday, there was a happy hour type event at a local brewery and I found myself and a few others chatting with each other. One of us is a younger (early-mid 20s) lady and is pretty awesome, very good at her job, hard working, etc. If it's relevant, she is a white southern Christian, but no extreme or strange views as far as I'm aware, so I believe her views on flirting/etc are probably a good data point for general society. I am in my early 30s. We were talking about a buffoon we work with and she mentioned that he had flirted with her a few times creepily, but it wasn't a big deal. I asked what did she mean, because if someone is being unprofessional at work, then that is definitely a big deal. She said that he had complimented her hair and such, but when she shut him down by saying that she had a boyfriend, he didn't persist. Fair enough, he made a small advance, she expressed disinterest, it was over. However, she went on to say that that is not how you ought to flirt, nor compliment someone. Naturally, I asked how one ought to flirt or, separately, compliment someone without being creepy. To flirt without being creepy, according to her, it'd have to be something like her and a coworker chatting/working together and an innocent compliment (your hair looks good today, for example) coming up organically. For the record, I would never, ever in the workplace make such a compliment, and I regularly get feedback from men and women both that I'm really friendly and helpful, so it isn't like I'm just impossible to interact with in general lol. I then asked how one ought to flirt and potentially enter relationships at work, since she mentioned that she does not like dating apps and prefers to meet people organically. To flirt well and create a good romantic relationship at work, this is what she suggested. * Make friends at work * Hang out, as friends, outside of work * Escalate through flirting, etc * Then, enter a relationship I immediately noticed that this has a few interesting results/problems. So number one, **the pipeline she's suggesting is months**, which is probably fine, if you're looking for a serious relationship, spending a few months courting someone is a fairly acceptable price of admission, since you won't be doing it numerous times in your life and as you get to know someone as friends, you may well stop pursuing them. However, it also puts **100% of the onus on men**, **permits women to be totally passive as they are pursued and thus pedestalized**, and it results in the few **women in a male-dominated workplace being treated really well by ""friendly"" men and then having their pick of the litter when it comes to actually being in a relationship**. This is as close to proof positive of what I'd generally call the more nonsensical parts of TRP theory, with **beta orbiters and male harems** and all that sort of thing. Separately, and perhaps less significantly, many women also (and very understandably!) complain about men who only make ""friends"" with them in order to hopefully date them, and when it becomes clear that no dating will occur, dropping them as ""friends."" **To push back against my interpretation, she never did mention gender once** when it comes to this dating schema, and yeah, some women will say that they sometimes are proactive with dating, and a few women actually do flirt/pursue men. Even so, I think I have a big problem with the pursuer-pursued dynamic... it's unbalanced and thus unfair. As well, even if the pipeline suggested is gender-neutral on its face, if in practice its implementation is that 90-95% of the time, men are the ones doing all the active and proactive work (which is damned sure going to be the case because that's how it is in almost all cases, especially in male majority environments), that's still unacceptable. Anyway, I found the conversation fascinating even as I was having it, and was careful to think things through. I recall the conversation taking a different turn shortly after this... I didn't want to cling to the issue let alone make it a gender issue, let alone bring up TRP or other strange philosophies. Even so, after turning it over in my head a few times, it really does seem to be a confirmation of the idea of women wanting several ""friends"" hanging around them as a pool of applicants that they can choose from.",,18,InterestingVariety35,2024-01-18 12:52:26 PurplePillDebate,199dm23,Do most women really dislike being approached in general?,"Even by attractive guys with sharp social skills in causal environments? With the way some women carry on it certainly seems like it is sacrilege in any context. ‘They’re at the library to read and study’ yeah fair enough ‘They’re at the shops to go shopping’ I understand that but- ‘They’re at the beach to relax’ ok but surely ‘They’re at the bar to dance and hang out with friends not be approached by strangers’ seriously? ‘They’re at a speed dating event to kill time not to entertain conversations with annoying guys’ I realise some guys are socially inept pushy creepy weirdos who can’t read social cues and just refuse to fuck off and I’ve seen women getting harassed and even had to intervene but surely being approached should - unless it’s done by the aforementioned type of guy - be felt as a compliment, even if she isn’t particularly attracted to him. After all cold approaching is how my grandparents and parents and aunt and uncle met - has it really become forbidden in the age of social media and greedy fucking dating apps? I’ve also had women advise me not to single out ladies to approach and to instead make friendly flirty conversation with everyone to see if they gravitate toward you. Cute idea but not feasible. I’m not going to make conversation with everyone let alone flirt. Nobody does. And why can’t I single someone out? They’re sexually attractive and that’s the reason I want to approach them, am I supposed to pretend that’s not the case? Am I supposed to ignore physical appearance completely? Do you treat a heavily tattooed biker the same as an old lady? Women respond differently toward men based on their physical attraction anyway, in fact it’s often the key difference between coming across as charming or annoying when approaching. Anyone who claims they don’t is a sanctimonious liar. I’m not sure why exactly cold approaching has become regarded as disrespectful or dehumanising but it’s ridiculous. It can be of course if the person doing the approaching is a disrespectful piece of shit and doesn’t read the room but usually it’s as simple as seeing someone attractive and wanting to see whether there’s mutual attraction especially as dating apps get shittier and greedier by the day. I’ve approached a bit and had a few dates that way, as well as a few polite rejections which I’ll bet left the women with boosted self esteem not feeling creeped out. And yeah the ideal way to meet people is organically through friends or school or sport or even work but this isn’t viable for everyone and it’s also a really inefficient way to go about it since there has been nobody I’ve been very attracted to in my last few jobs or sports teams nor mutual friend plus this can have unwanted repercussions if things go sour especially in the workplace. That’s my defense of approaching",,39,StaticNocturne,2024-01-18 01:15:51 PurplePillDebate,199wdq4,"[nsfw][?] Women of PPD, what's your threshold for infidelity?","I looked up, and seems we haven't had a thread on this topic in a while. So, I looked into the rest of Reddit, and there's proper insanity going on, [see for yourselves if you want.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/350njg/serious_dear_reddit_what_counts_as_cheating_in_a/) People write stupid things, people upvote stupid things, then people mock these things and get upvoted themselves. After reading things like this, and having some exposure to women in real life, when I see things like ""[a man I know] cheated on [his SO]"", I understand that I have no way to assess the situation without asking to clarify (*""what parts of themselves have been in deliberate contact""*, etc.) Let me hear your thoughts, and let me start: I believe everything that you can do on camera as part of professional acting career in proper (non-pornographic) cinematography, is not an act of infidelity. And to this day I hope that the story of a guy's wife accusing him of cheating *because he bought a bicycle for his female ex-classmate's 6yo son* was made up for karma.",,1,abaxeron,2024-01-18 18:04:22 PurplePillDebate,199htde,"If woman have the choice over abortion, should men have the choice over child support?","Before you go commenting please make sure you read all of what I have to say. Me and a few friends have been discussing this topic at length and we think it is time to bring this discussion to a broader audience to have some fresh perspectives thrown in. As things stand now (especially in the USA) the situation around marriage, children, men, woman and the family unit is decisive at best. Some of us talking have seen men getting screwed over by woman baby trapping them, only to turn around and demand child support without allowing the man to even see his own children. I would like to stress that not all woman are bad, or all men are bad. You can honestly take any group based on gender, location, religious believes or other topics and you will have good and bad apples amongst them. As it stands right now it seems the whole idea around abortion is that woman have the final and frankly only say over if an abortion goes ahead. It doesn't matter if the man wanted the child or not. It doesn't matter if the man was tricked into having a child or not. The only real say is from woman, under the pretense of my body my ruling. On one side of the coin I can get behind this (note I'm male and the friends of mine that are discussing this are both male and female), as the woman do have a point. They are the gender that hold a child in their bodies for 9 months and they are the gender that gives birth. On the other side of the coin woman can't really have children without men injecting sperm into them (yes I know clinically this can be done now, but we are talking about natural pregnancy here). It takes both men and woman to make a child, so why shouldn't a man have a say on if he wants a baby or not? There can be a good case to make on the whole premise of if a man didn't want a child he shouldn't have gotten the woman pregnant. This point can have many arguments like men shouldn't have sex if they don't want kids. Did the use of protection fail? did the woman lie about being on the pill? Did the woman lie about being infertile? Was it just a dumb mistake made by some inexperienced teenagers? And so on and so on. The main point of this is that it can be argued that woman have way to much of the decision making power when it comes to having/not having a child, and the men's only option is to sit back and deal with the choice the woman makes and pay up child support for the next 18 years with the sometimes added bonus of not being able to see said child. When you look at abortion through this kind of view point it brings up an interesting idea. If woman have all the power over abortion and weather a child comes into this world or not, shouldn't men have all the power over weather to offer child support? As far as child support goes it seems since men have been for most of human history the providers they should pay child support. But, in our modern times woman are working just as many hours as men and make their own money just like men. So if the woman makes the choice of having a child without a united agreement from the father, it could be argued that she should bare the finical cost herself? There are any more factors that could effect this argument, but I think the main point has been made. Without starting a flame war or just getting angry, what constructive points do you think for or against this argument? And can you offer anymore insight? My friends and I can't wait to see what Reddit says on this issue. ",,9,Loopy_Legend,2024-01-18 04:44:45 PurplePillDebate,199bnlz,"In the current year, do you think men should pay for dates? Why or why not?","A man being expected to pay for a dates seems like women having their cake and eating it too. As a society, we're trying to move away from traditional gender norms, we're told that women are just capable of men, but for some reason, men still have to take on the traditional masculine role when it comes to paying dates? If this was the 1950s when women didn't really work or have money, obviously the men should pay for the date. But in 2024, women work, have degrees, have their own money, a lot of them even outearn men, so why should a man pay for a woman's dinner if both of them are in the same situation financially? On the other hand, there are valid arguments for a man paying that don't have to do with traditional gender roles. Since a woman spent hours getting ready to look nice and did makeup, the least a man could do is pay for the meal. That's fair, but that's also implying that woman wear makeup for men, which goes against the narrative we've been told that ""women don't wear makeup or dress well for men, we do it for ourselves and other women."" I never asked you to spend an hour putting on makeup or doing your hair before you came, that's your own decision. There also other problems with the man paying that makes it bad for both the man and the woman. First of all, the man has no idea if the women is going to ghost him immediately after and was just using him for a free meal. A man who goes on many dates and none of them lead anywhere, you're basically wasting hundreds of dollars a month, and that simply isn't sustainable for most guys. ",,24,Glass_Bucket,2024-01-17 23:48:51 PurplePillDebate,199isv5,Is it easier to maintain friendships with guys ?,"Title , I’ve only ever had 1 close female friend. ( close enough to de-mask / treat her like a guy ) - she tried hooking me up with her older sister , would give me tons of advice // wing man me etc. we would barely message each other and only communicate via text to hangout. I’ve had around 15 very close guy friends - close enough to cry // talk about the big and deep. I’ve had around 20-30 girl friends ( friends not dating ) that I’d consider “friends”. In the workplace we’d laugh and get along, if a mutual friend is hosting a party we’d talk there. But I feel like the moment we stopped working together , the friendship would be dust in the wind - as opposed to workplace male friendships. I feel like I can not talk to guy in 5 years , ask for a beer and the response would be “what took you so long “ . If I did the same to any girl friend that I’d consider at a similar level of friendship , they’d leave me on read. Can anyone explain this ? Is it easier to maintain friendships with guys ? Edit : the friendships with girl friends would also extend to going clubbing / concerts etc. ",,6,Grouchy_Cookie_7813,2024-01-18 05:38:55 PurplePillDebate,198zfjz,"There is a correlation between women's gravitation towards Dark Triad personality traits, and their propensity for being victims","Honestly I'm kinda tired of the whole ""all men are r\*pists"" rhetoric that women spew nowadays. [Around half of women have a r\*pe fantasy](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/18321031/) [Dark Triad personality traits are attractive to women](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886913012245) >In conclusion, the results of our study demonstrate that the Dark Triad male personality is attractive to women and this effect is not mediated by these men’s greater perceived Extraversion or Neuroticism. Further work in the sexual marketplace could usefully pursue interactions (statistical and social) between sellers (Dark Triad men) and buyers (women). It's 2024. You gotta be delusional to believe that women on average aren't leaning towards men who are more likely to SA them.",,73,SlowEffective8146,2024-01-17 15:39:45 PurplePillDebate,199i3fi,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, personal advice and memes in this thread. Here you can post everything that doesn't warrant its own thread or just do some socializing. Personal advice posting, research posts, non-TOS breaking rants, links to other locations with limited context as conversation topics, and things would be considered low effort posts are allowed in the daily thread. **Do not bring other PPD threads into the daily thread. Do not post PPD threads deserving of their own post in the daily thread.** The intent of the daily thread is not that it should replace PPD and become a place where users can avoid the rules of the subreddit. Attempting to do this will be considered circlejerking and moderated as such. **Black Pill/Incel Content/Woe-Is-Me is still banned in the daily thread. Witch hunting and insults are also still banned in the daily thread. Relegated topics must still go to in the weekly threads for those topics.** Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,5,AutoModerator,2024-01-18 05:00:12 PurplePillDebate,198vu7m,"how is hookup culture accepted if you’re supposed to get to know women ""as people"" first?","on one hand approaching women for sex is seen as lewd and objectifying, people on reddit have a very uncharitable view of men who just want ""one thing"". They say men like this see women as potential hookup prospects instead of ""people"" to build deeper emotional connections with... on the other hand these same people fight against ""slutshaming"" women if they had a more promiscuous past. That there is nothing wrong with a woman having string free sex, because sex for the sake of it just feels good to our bodies... How do these people coincide these beliefs?",,45,HardTimes4Vampires,2024-01-17 12:51:27 PurplePillDebate,199lla9,Clearing the Ground: Towards Definitions in Light of Evolution,"Broadly defined to include evolutionary biology, population genetics, genetic similarity and assortative mating, life history theory, demography, evolutionary psychology, and allied disciplines. **__Introduction__** This is an *initial contribution to further discussion* on a much needed topic: mutually accepted definitions of widely-used and divergently-denotated terminology. The next helpful step would be to draw up a list of common cognitive biases (all women are great, AxALT, black and white thinking) and thought terminating cliches used by both men and women sorted by gender. **__Tl;dr__** - Both sexes have evolved and maintain rational mating strategies that *just are*, not ""predatory"" or ""transactional"" or otherwise amenable to retrospective value judgement as so many posters assume. - The only argument contra is asserting our current physicosocial environment is so distant from the environment of evolutionary adaptation as to render meaningless one or both sexes' evolved strategies. The demographic transition points in this direction, as does differential dysgenic fertility, but the continuing fucking and further continuing birth of children provides a counterpoint. **__Clearing the Ground: AF/BB in Evolution and Economics__** 1. Most here, even redpillers seem to misunderstand the cad/dad or ""Alpha Fucks, Beta Bucks"" schematization. People seem to take it as the Alpha Fucks and the Beta pays for it. No. Beta Bucks isn't some inferior standard of leftover after the Alpha Fucks: AF/BB or cad/dad describe the two conditions in which woman will make themselves sexually available to men. ""Beta"" is still in the top 20%, whether one gets there either by raw animal attraction, or by status, dominance, and provisioning power. Viz., how many wealthy men ""slay"" without spending a nickel, let alone ""sugaring"", merely because they are wealthy and powerful on some small scale (anecdotally, being known to Google search AI and ChatGPT is sufficient). The Alpha stops Fucking as soon as his looks and virility run out, just like Stacy and the Wall, or the Beta stops fucking when his Bucks - status and power - run out. 2. This does not work in the opposite direction and is inherently gendered because of the ""females are choosy maters"" dating back into our pescatary past, evolved from having to carry children; likewise with ""males display, females select"". All I have said follows from females being an economic (scarce) good in evolutionary terms and males being, frankly, disposable, as long as the set of good male genes from one population generation propagates to the next with some degree of amplification, which is achieved only by differential eugenic fertility, which means most men not having children, or being vastly outcompeted in number of children. **__TRP: In Light of Evolution, the Arc which all Truths Follow__** **Women:** - 3. Female sexuality is mostly transactional. By and large female sexuality and ""romance"" - relationships - are rational, even hard-nosed in self-interest, from economic and evolutionary points of view. The cad/dad paradigm, hypergamy, marrying up dominance hierarchies (including ""golddigging"" which isn't any more blameable than male ""fertilitydigging"" or what have you), all of the female dating behaviors blackpillers love to hate, are eminently rational if you shift your perspective from ""what is good for the many and the future"" to ""what is good for this specific woman right now""? - 4. Women *have to have evolved rational mating strategies* to have survived with the responsibility of carrying children as well. It's kind of like how tribalists get accused of dual morality, one for insiders and one for outsiders, but it's one coherent ethic: ""what is good for the tribe is good"". - 4.1. When women date younger men who aren't established yet they're taking a winger on the man being the type who is likely to be successful later. There are dysfunctional women who fuck dysfunctional trash repeatedly because trash is at the top of the dominance hierarchies they were enculturated into, whether machismo or gang-related or abusers. **Men:** - 5. Male sexuality is largely romantic (irrational, focused towards mate-guarding and peacocking) and demonstrates an external locus of control. It is inherently giving, not predatory, because males have evolved from our pre-primate ancestors to provision females in exchange for them carrying our children and us having reasonable certainty of paternity. At least getting three out of six. **Defining Success: Population Genetics** - 6. By definition if a man has three natural-born children, he's evolutionarily successful. There are more of him in the next generation (1.5) than there are in his generation (1). Population genetics complicates the picture but not enough to change the gist. Likewise, males *must have evolved a rational mating strategy* to be represented in the current gene pool. The only argument contra is to say our current environment is so far from the environment of evolutionary adaptation as to render meaningless one or both sexes' evolved strategies. The demographic transition points in this direction, as does differential dysgenic fertility, but the continuing fucking and further continuing birth of children provides a counterpoint. **Some Accusations...** - 7. The only way I see either sexuality as being predatory - let's focus on the male - is when the male chooses to chase women significantly younger or more fertile than you, and the accusation stems from a place of envy. The only other way I can see is to compare a male rapist to everyone else and make the argument from strength or, God forbid, the old feminist hack that all sex is exploitative and thus predatory because we live in an ostensible patriarchy. **...and Bad Faith Arguments to Dump** - 8. I can make the argument that female sexuality is economically predatory or parasitical, but I don't, because both males and females evolved the way they did and no amount of bitching about human nature is going to change it into a mass of androgynous, acultural, anethnic Fungible Human Material. __**Probably Provocative Preliminary Conclusions**__ It was the Renaissance through Georgian or early Second Elizabethan ideal of marriage and egalitarianism, reaching its apotheosis in the Married Women's Property Act of 1874, that is the historical aberration. Look at the rates of survival for patrician families in the Roman principate.",,0,ThickyJames,2024-01-18 08:39:55 PurplePillDebate,199r25k,Does the female sex drive increase while in a relationship?,"I have a couple close female friends in my friend group, and we are all pretty open about our sex lives. When talking to them about sex, it's funny, because they almost reject every guy that approaches them. Then, when they are going through ovulation, they are more open to have random encounters with strangers. However, when they get into relationships, it seems like they want to have sex every day with their partner. For example, I was talking to my friend Katie and her boyfriend Dan. They've been dating for 3 months now. Dan told me that Katie is always on him about sex. Like, she always wants to have sex, and sometimes it gets annoying because he doesn't want to. He said he thought he had a big sex drive, but Katie's sex drive beats his. The funny thin is, as I mentioned above, Katie would reject so many guys and would only have sex with someone during ovulation and she would always complain all men wanted from her was to have sex with her. So it was interesting to hear that she wanted to have so much sex with him. So... the question... Does the female sex drive increase while in a relationship?",,0,Fluffy_Holiday6063,2024-01-18 14:13:34 PurplePillDebate,1993bz4,Would you leave a man you love if he refused to marry you?,Marriage can be risky for men. So suppose you are in relationship with a man you love and he loves you. Would you leave him if he refuse to marry you citing that marriage is not in his best interest. Would you stay as his forever girlfriend?,,10,[deleted],2024-01-17 18:11:21 PurplePillDebate,198trn6,Is personality more important to men or women?,"I’m a man and from what I’ve seen over the years it is far easier for a uglier man to pull an attractive woman than it is for a ugly woman to attract a attractive man. I’ve met many women I’m not attracted to with great personalities and it doesn’t matter how attractive their personality is, they will never be more than a friend to me. This also could come from the fear of the opinions of other men which women seem to not care about very much when it come to their female friends. On the other hand I knew men that had women so out of their league and the men were the ones to end the relationship. I feel like generally if you have a attractive personality to a woman and can make her laugh you can or at least have a good chance at pulling her despite your looks. So my take is personality is more important to women and physical attractiveness is more important to men. Though of course both is important for men and women.",,15,SkyAggressive5490,2024-01-17 10:45:22 PurplePillDebate,199c1f9,"Do you think women, on average, would be more attracted to Patrick Swayze's character in ""Dirty Dancing"" or Patrick Swayze's character in ""Roadhouse?""","I think this is a useful comparison since we can eliminate quibbling over which one is hotter. We have Johnny: * Low-income * Low-status * Low-class * Has a traditionally feminine hobby and job Versus Dalton: * High-income (drives a Mercedes, gets paid a $5,000 signing bonus plus $500 a night, or $125k annually; $335,000 in 2024 dollars) * High-status (people across seek his services and know of him across the country) * Has an ultra-masculine job and is literally paid to be a protector * Stoic and emotionless Given this information and red pill beliefs about what women want, which Swayze character do you believe women would be more attracted to?",,1,Soloandthewookiee,2024-01-18 00:04:58 PurplePillDebate,198r0z7,Modern dating strategy: Dating multiple people before being exclusive - Are males against this?,"I wanted to discuss this with my fellow purple pill redditors. I'll keep this short; It seems that modern the modern dating strategy of dating multiple people before being exclusive is becoming more and more common. However, from a male perspective - are males and even red pill males ok with females engaging in this strategy? So for example, - Suppose you are dating a girl, courting her, you've been on two dates with her and getting to know her. During this time she is dating AND SLEEPING with other men but not with you yet If you knew about this - would you be perfectly ok with it because you guys aren't ""exclusive"" yet. So essentially the female could of slept with a man a day before you are taking her out for dinner? It seems women are a lot less sensitive about this but men are? Discuss",,22,ShelterNo2786,2024-01-17 07:31:45 PurplePillDebate,198o4ym,Does vulnerability and open communication tend to kill some sexual tension early in the dating process?,"I would assume every lady would ultimately want to date a guy she can confide in with her darkest secrets just as guys want the same with women ( and it blows my mind how many long term relationships involve such poor communication and inauthenticity ) However I can’t help but notice that when women confide in my and raise deep and vulnerable topics, something else is lost - the sexual undertones - as it begins to feel more like we’re close friends than potential lovers. This isn’t always the case - I once went from talking about childhood abuse to having sex with them a few minutes later ( sounds a bit wrong when I put it that way ) but just overall. Also when women begin to talk about past relationships or other guys who are trying to talk to pursue them etc I’m never quite sure if they’re trying to provoke envy or test how I react, or if they see me as a gay best friend or if they just trust me enough to be open but still see me as a potential partner. I like deep and vulnerable conversation and superficial shit - even flirting - bores me, so I gravitate toward the deep end, however I’ve been actively trying to avoid it lately for the above reasons. And what topics do you try to avoid (or focus on)? Am I overthinking this shit or have you noticed the same thing ? And assuming that it does what should a guy do besides trying to constantly steer the conversation away from anything with depth toward light banter and flirting until you’re actually dating? Also why the fuck does it kill the sexual tension.. shouldn’t connecting emotionally increase sexual desire for someone ?",,25,StaticNocturne,2024-01-17 04:41:54 PurplePillDebate,199ly3z,If men don’t pay for dates are they willing to change their preferences for the sake of equality?,"I have been seeing a lot of posts regarding men not wanting to pay for dates, after consideration I think there are certain conditions that would need to change. If women are expected to pay to compete for your attention but you not theirs, that is not equality. 1) Men have an undeniable preference for women who wear make up. Curling my hair is cheap, make up is not ($100 a month), and the prices are raising. Even men who say they don’t like make up they unknowingly praise us for wearing it contributing to our usage of it. Men need to have a *genuine* preference for women who don’t wear make up. If I chose not to wear it my value on the sexual marketplace is lessened and thus it’s a cost I have to pay to compete. Like men might have to pay a cost to compete such as paying for dates. 2) Another costly preference: women on birth control. With health insurance the pills are technically cheaper, but with the monthly cost of the insurance it is cheaper for me to get them at planned parenthood for $500 for 1.5 years supply. You have to be willing to wear condoms every time with everyone and come prepared. 3) Skincare is also expensive but it seems to be important to men on the PPD that women maintain a youthful appearance. My routine is roughly $69-$79 monthly. 4) Woman are not penalized (being considered undatable, useless or difficult) for taking on a more masculine role to survive. Assertiveness isn’t seen as difficult it’s a tactic that has served us by lessening getting taken advantage of. I can be a respectful person and assertive those things can co-exist. Stop encouraging women to be nice and pleasant all the time. This doesn’t have a financial cost but I keep seeing a preference for “feminine” women but under an equal system that can’t work. If men don’t want to pay for dates then that is their decision but there is cost to women competing for your attention should you not accept cost to compete for theirs? That seems like equality to me, unless men are willing to compromise on women’s make up usage, maintaining a youthful appearance, being proactive about wearing condoms (coming prepared and not having to be told) and not preferring women who are doormats. Edit: thread where I get called a fat, skank & whore for having an opinion by misogynists. And even straight up told I’m incapable of having an objective opinion because “women are too emotional too. How do you not see how you look? Really hope yall can find a way to have some control over your lives without hurling unprompted insults at randoms online. Thanks to everyone (most of you who actually responded in good faith). ",,0,Planthoe30,2024-01-18 09:05:34 PurplePillDebate,1984eky,Why do women here consistently portray men's dating preferences as malicious and their own as benign?,"For instance, in [this thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/197jop4/current_dating_attitudes/?sort=top) women are overwhelmingly defending other women that expect men to pay for dating expenses, describing it as a mere ""preference"", despite the fact that it is the textbook example of an unequal burden in a relationship. But at the same time women here regularly criticize men for expecting comparable unequal burdens, like expecting women to do the majority of housework for instance.",,155,AI_CODE_MONKEY,2024-01-16 14:40:54 PurplePillDebate,198oymx,"""conditional femininity"" vs ""conditional masculinity"""," Conditional femininity: *""I'm really a soft, nurturing and submissive woman... for the right man. But he first needs to create that safe space where I can let my guard down and rest in my feminine energy. Prove that he is worthy first.""* Conditional masculinity: *""I'm really an assertive, capable, leader who can protect and provide... for the right woman. But she needs to first create a safe space where I can rest in my masculine energy. Prove that she is worthy first.""* Do you feel these two justifications are equally valid? Are these good strategies in general when approaching relationships?",,11,Windmill_flowers,2024-01-17 05:27:35 PurplePillDebate,199j2fp,"Falling fertility rates seem to be a problem of falling marriage rates, which in turn seem to be due to lessening of the gap between male and female privilege. Hence it might be impossible to raise fertility rates unless egalitarianism is challenged.","Recently came across an article that compiled some data in this regard. (Not sure I'm allowed to link them here, I'll do so in the comments). This essentially might happen by itself via societal collapse, or via voluntary effort. One more solution that could be proposed is for women to try and control their 'hypergamy', and teach them to be okay marrying those inferior in status to them, and the same time, teach men not to be insecure about it and not let the resentment cause issues in the relationship, however, this is much easier said than done. The article also discussed more 'left leaning' proposed solutions to this problem of falling births, but none seem to be very effective. What do you guys think? Any alternate perspectives?",,0,Apex__Predator__,2024-01-18 05:54:31 PurplePillDebate,198n5dz,The Fallacious Connection Between Male Insecurity and Female Breadwinners,"Whenever the topic of women being the breadwinners in relationships come up, there are always a handful of women (#NotAllWomen) who make the claim, ""guys are uncomfortable dating women that make more than them!"" Some said they had real, lived experiences validating that opinion. I've read stories from women with ex-partners who wanted them (or their friends) to quit their jobs, forgo promotions, or got suddenly toxic/mean when they witnessed her get an award/praise for achieving something in their career. I'm assuming, for the purposes of this post and charitability, all these stories are 100% true and the woman bore *zero responsibility* for why the relationship ended. If you're a woman (or have a friend that went through this), ask yourself: Do you really think these same relationships would have worked with the same exact guy, but richer? Imagine an alternate universe where everything about the man in these stories is exactly the same, with only the ""income variable"" changed so he makes more than her. Are these hypothetical new relationships happy or stable? Or, with the benefit of hindsight, do you still see the same insecure man just finding other ways to put her/you down and feel powerful? If it's the latter, then you have to concede that it never had much to do with money, but a values mismatch, bad morals, mental issues, and/or insecurities that will exist **regardless** of any income disparity. A lot of these stories I've read have me questioning if the guy has some undiagnosed personality disorder or a psychopath. I'd have an easier time believing income disparity *to be a root cause* if the example behaviors women provided (cheating, being a general asshole, laziness, or just being a legit crazy person) weren't the same common justifications for ending relationships where the man was the primary breadwinner. If you really want to bite the bullet and say ""yes, these relationships would've succeeded had he made more money than me,"" well then you have low standards both for yourself and the men you would date. You would accept being with a man who potentially views you as an inferior and who could turn on you if you became more successful during the relationship. You're okay being with a man that has a ""fragile male ego"" as long as that ego is kept in check with him making more money. How is that **not** settling? Or maybe you just think *all men* will get insecure and it's something you have to tolerate? But then how do you rationalize existing female breadwinner relationships that are stable? It's not *that* women prefer men that make more than them, it's *how* some women are choosing to justify it. I don't have any problems with women who choose to date men richer than them. If you want kids someday, want to be a SAHM, and need a man who can provide during pregnancy and child rearing? OK, makes sense. You want to maintain a certain material standard of living because that's what you're used to? Great, do you. Dating men poorer than you gives you the ick and makes your vagina drier than the Sahara desert? Understandable, have a nice day. If you truly believe there exists some connection between male insecurity and female income, then what you are implying (be it intentionally or unintentionally) is a guy pulling $80,000 a year will be toxic and insecure to his partner making $120,000, but that exact same guy will be perfectly happy and stable with a partner making <$40,000. I'm sorry, but I don't buy it. Relationships are more complicated than that. You're not ""noticing a trend"" if you say you've experienced it, you're just admitting you have bad taste in men. ",,12,No_Mammoth8801,2024-01-17 03:50:21 PurplePillDebate,198uxxt,"Work on yourself in your 20s, reap the rewards in your 30s","I'm living by this mantra for the last couple years and am on track to having a good career, am already pretty fit (although still some work to be done in that regard) so my SMV will probably be quite high once I'm 30. However, recently I started worrying that all my efforts might be wasted because of all the good women being gone at that age. &#x200B; Honestly, I'm not sure if I want to date 30 year olds because of their looks, and the ones that are not partnered up at that point are probably not that desirable anyways. My hope is that I will be able to land a 20-25 year old, however I think most women want a partner around their own age (at least on Tinder I'm mostly matching with women my age). Are here any success stories of men in their 30s landing women in their early-mid 20s? If yes, how did you do it?",,2,Frdxhds,2024-01-17 12:00:08 PurplePillDebate,198ctzt,The fact that the rest of Reddit thinks PPD is “toxic” shows how messed up things are rn,"Ok this is a meta post and not sure if this is allowed. But I’ll address the obvious first: miserable people congregate on PPD. But miserable≠bad. And imo open communication about these subjects provides catharsis and I do genuinely believe some people’s perspectives have changed due to this sub. I think it’s easy to judge to sub based off of the sensational OPs but the comment section is what makes this sub great. What I like is that it’s very clear that when people pose as “normies” and yell platitudes denying problems discussed here are not taken seriously despite I see it happening IRL all the time. Even though “blue pilled” folks here are kinda like normies, even they here on this sub understand that they have to substantiate what they say and that anecdotes only go so far. I do see people being dismissive of good points here sometimes, but it is so less common than “mainstream Reddit” where there is usually no discussion but just brigading and downvote spamming.",,32,thisreallyisnotok,2024-01-16 20:22:36 PurplePillDebate,198nc5b,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, personal advice and memes in this thread. Here you can post everything that doesn't warrant its own thread or just do some socializing. Personal advice posting, research posts, non-TOS breaking rants, links to other locations with limited context as conversation topics, and things would be considered low effort posts are allowed in the daily thread. **Do not bring other PPD threads into the daily thread. Do not post PPD threads deserving of their own post in the daily thread.** The intent of the daily thread is not that it should replace PPD and become a place where users can avoid the rules of the subreddit. Attempting to do this will be considered circlejerking and moderated as such. **Black Pill/Incel Content/Woe-Is-Me is still banned in the daily thread. Witch hunting and insults are also still banned in the daily thread. Relegated topics must still go to in the weekly threads for those topics.** Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,5,AutoModerator,2024-01-17 04:00:08 PurplePillDebate,1980ll8,Why do Red Pillers find it so hard to admit that men can be horrible people?,"I have made another post about how people bend over backwards to make excuses for women's questionable behaviors. However, I have noticed that TRPillers do the same thing. In TRP land all men are good and even when a man does something bad, they still find a way to blame women , gynocentrism etc. For example if a man cries about divorce r*pe or false accusations, they will immediately believe his sob story while they simultaneously doubt/question women's stories. Another example , is how Rollo Tomassi and other manospherians implied that Chris Watts killed his wife and kids because she cheated on him and was pregnant with another man's child. (later it was revealed that the opposite happened and he was the one who had an affair and killed his family to be with his mistress). You can dig up information on it if you Google Rollo Tomassi Chris Watts. Apparently, women cannot even get killed without being slandered by the manosphere. Yea women can be horrible harpies. But pretending that there are no millions of toxic , psychopathic, lying , abusive men is outright disingenuous.",,82,Novel-Tip-7570,2024-01-16 11:18:16 PurplePillDebate,1981x8i,Why do men crave a stay at home wife so much?,"I mean, let's be realistic. The average man doesn't have the resources available to support this. Also, women have started to catch on to the fact that being a stay at home wife/mother can seriously hinder personal development if her significant other isn't wealthy enough to support further education/training to enter back into the workforce if she wishes. It's not a wise choice for women to have little to no income for herself either, as unexpected events may occur e.g, divorce, illness. One of my partner's work colleagues cheated on his girlfriend. We're fairly good friends and she expressed to me that she won't leave him, as she has been out of work for 6 years and doesn't have any work experience in a professional field. My partner is fairly wealthy and I haven't worked a 9-5 since we've been together. However I do freelance work every now and again to ensure I have income and adequate savings even though he covers almost every expense. I think craving a wife/girlfriend who doesn't work is an indication of controlling behaviour and I would advise against any woman entering in to this dynamic.",,34,Legal_Strawberry2,2024-01-16 12:36:06 PurplePillDebate,198ki26,What does Red Pill mean?,"I made a comment recently about some science regarding mating behaviors and someone said it was a red pill comment. However, I find that I typically disagree strongly with RP proponents so i was surprised that someone saw my comment as RP. After this I went looking for a clear definition of RP and I haven't been able to find one. Most of them are vary vague, and say something along the lines of ""RP is understanding the world as it is"", or ""RP is about the biological differences between men and women's mating strategies"", etc. They rarely if ever make it clear what they think the science says, or what conclusions should be drawn from it. Even the Wiki for this sub defines it in vague terms: ""RP is a praxeology (a way of understanding actions in the world) that deals with Sexual Strategy. ... this framework is in disagreement with the general understanding of society in these matters (hence, taking the red pill). A core belief is that male and female nature in regards to sexuality differs substantially by sex, but that within each sex there is much broad commonality of behaviours and instincts. RP tends to believe core behaviours and instincts are innate (often genetic) in each sex but these core instincts and behaviours are moderated by cultural circumstances."" I've spent years studying the science of evolution, mating, etc and what I've learned often goes against what I hear RP proponents say, so I'm curious, what are some concrete things that RP asserts about male and female mating strategies, and what conclusions does RP draw from there?",,2,mrbesito,2024-01-17 01:44:22 PurplePillDebate,1986xhv,In what way would you like men to open up to you about their problems so you don't feel like their mom/therapist?,?,,11,nonplussedminus,2024-01-16 16:27:27 PurplePillDebate,197z15v,Why confidence is a meme.,"Confidence is a projection of competence in a certain field. Not all skills are equally useful and attractive. For example, and I don't care about the destitutes on this website, the vast majority of women in real life absolutely do not care about your confidence in your knowledge of the Horus heresy. When women talk about confidence they are mostly referring to the ability to socially dominate and charm others, specifically other men. Since for men that would involve being better than the other men in your social circle at a worthwhile skill (ie, humour, popularity, etc) the vast majority of men will simply not be in a position to express confidence like the top people in their circle. And due to the short lifespan of most circles that form when you hit 18, most men will not even have the opportunity to improve their skills in a reasonable timeframe before that circle outright dissolves. Of course this all assumes a truthful expression of confidence, after all ""fake it till you make it"" is commonly thrown around to skirt the issues I mentioned above. However, I believe ""faking confidence"" is the biggest shitpost of all. Ignoring the fact that a huge portion of your personality is genetically determined, therefore ""making it"" is out of the question for a lot of people. Just consider the implications; Can I fake my assuredness in my Spanish fluency and not only get away it, but actually increase my competency in the process? No. Can I do the same in Maths, Fitness, and My Bachelor's exam? Also no, it would be stupid to think otherwise. If you try to fake your seduction skills and/or act out of your social hierarchy in your social circle without earning it you will simply come off as a poseur and lose even more respect in the process. Also, you can't fake charm, if you don't actually know how to charm a woman, you will get fucked the minute you need to put your fake skills to the test, cementing you as that autistic guy who thinks he's the shit in the eyes of your peers. Obligatory; ""Self-improvement is masturbation"" - Tyler Durden, Fight Club. (I think this quote is true in some instances, like improving your personality). The only reasonable way to actually attract women in your social circle and beyond is to actually focus on acquiring status, money and good looks. That's literally how I got my girlfriend despite being the same person I was 3 years ago. The good ole TRP way.",,26,lolcope2,2024-01-16 09:36:41 PurplePillDebate,1980pb0,Are Men and Women equally malicious?,"Would be curious to know what folks here think. I've been trying to understand the root difference between what I see on this website of how men and women are judged differently and so far this appears to be the thing. It seems we are very motivated to assign malice to the actions of men but really hesitant to assign it to the actions of women. I understand that women were assumed to be evil/malicious in a lot of stupid circumstances in the past but I would think that correcting that wouldn't result in people being more eager to do the same thing to men.",,14,Im_Unsure_For_Sure,2024-01-16 11:24:34 PurplePillDebate,1983dso,How do you split the finances?,"For those in relationships, how do you guys split the finances? I read many of those his money is hers and hers is hers type replies regarding money but how does it relate to real life? Its seems unfair if the net income is 6k a month (him 4, her 2) and costs per month are 4k to have him pay 100%, keep nothing while she keeps her 2k... We do a split based on income. I work fullltime, she works parttime, split is 60/40 while she does more in the household than me. We have a shared bank account for all costs including groceries and gas. Both have seperate accounts for personal stuff alongside a shared savings account. Works better than 1shared account imo since there is less questions about who spend what. I wonder whats common in other situations?",,7,RAZBUNARE761,2024-01-16 13:53:29 PurplePillDebate,197o7xq,It is okay to quit dating but not okay to quit striving in life.," If you lose at the game all the time then at some point you have to call it quits. There are always going to be winners and losers. I know, what a cliche. Everyone knows that but it never hits harder home when you are part of the group that is losing: a loser. It heartbreaking to see yourself applying the advice you hear being echoed only to fall face flat on the concrete floor that is human biology. The same few characteristics keep predicting success, confirming their existence while the naysayers spin different arguments to desperately hold the a “pretty” view of the world. Have you tried being more charismatic? Have you tried going to the gym? What about hobbies? How about getting more money? You try, get better, look better, advance your career….but nothing. Yet, the same characteristics keep predicting success and ever changing, every new rendition of the counter-arguments keep being disproven. Maybe, I am doing it wrong. But, my face and body says otherwise. They looks better, but clearly not better enough. My education and resume read better, but….maybe it could read even better. At what point do you throw in the towel? Is it this point? I know, I am not saying something new. This has been the experience of many. Not just in today’s time but likely all the way back to our species’s conception. However, I do wanna argue in a different direction from the common self-loathing, nihilistic, and resentful angle. I believe that problem is to find a game that is respected in your eyes and the eyes of the other. I find getting better for the sake of being better is enriching. Whereas as getting better for the sake of something other can open the doors for disappointment, envy, and resentment-especially when not getting what you want. Now, getting better does help the vast majority of people. Which is awesome, I am happy that they have found love and success. But what about some of us who are left behind? Are we bound to the label of losers? Forever burden by it’s weight. Since, everyone plays this same game, including us, we share the same standard for giving and receiving respect. Obviously, those who fail to meet such standards fall short of that respect, including giving it to ourselves. What is respectable in our eyes and in the eyes of others? There is an implicit (or maybe explicit) premise in the rhetoric around dating. We operate on the basis of “getting better for dating”. If we unpack that premise, what we mean is “being impressive in the eyes of the potential mate in question”. What becomes relevant is what is impressive through the eyes of the other. Accepting such a premise we adopt their perspective. I am not tall enough? I am not confident, funny, physically attractive, high status and so on so forth enough. These types of thoughts are bound to plague us. However, what if we change it so we operate on the basis of “getting better because there is always a need for better men”. Why do I go to the gym? So, I have the strength to carry my dog home when he has injured his leg. Why do I wanna be more social competent? So, my jokes can bring momentary joy to my friends and family. Why should I build courage? So, I can have that tough talk when it needs to happen? So, when my friends, family-hell even a stranger, needs someone to listen, I can be there for them. I guess what I am saying is for those of us who dating have been painfully, we need new reasons for striving for growth. My proposal is that there is always a need for better men, and so there is always a need for you and me. People around us need us, our community around us needs us, and even strangers around us need us. We need ourselves to be better for us. That is the new game. And if some potential mate finds it impressive then that is incidentally outcome not the primary goal. This doesn’t only extend to men, obviously, but I think it’s more relevant to men. I also don’t know enough about what dating is like for a average to a less than average women so I can’t speak on that. I am sure some might say “what a cope”, and you would be right, but I feel coping is exactly what we need right now.",,43,Stupid4Knowledge,2024-01-15 23:58:25 PurplePillDebate,197yqdv,How would you prefer a man express their interest in you?,"I'm asking about you and your own experiences and preferences. Obviously, there are some contexts where you would much prefer to be left alone, but, in general, are there any instances that stood out to you as how to and how *not* to show interest in a woman? Do you think there should be a difference in approach depending on the environment (club/bar vs. gym)? Many, if not most, would argue some places are a no-go, like work, for example. What are your thoughts, women of PPD?",,6,Qu3stion_R3ality1750,2024-01-16 09:16:03 PurplePillDebate,197igxk,Why are we glorifying doing normal adult things,"I saw [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/s/a4dAeORE2W) question for women that made wonder something. What exactly in the video is so impressive? The guy cooks, cleans, works out, hangs with friends, etc. When did this become the gold standard of what a partner should do? Forgive me if I’m wrong, but isn’t this just called being an adult? I do all of that plus a hell of a lot more, and work a 40-hour a week job making a fantastic income. I never thought to myself “I deserve a gold star”. Isn’t that just being an adult?",,53,belachewhm,2024-01-15 20:09:21 PurplePillDebate,197jop4,Current dating attitudes.,"I’m starting to get real confused by the modern dating scene. Just seen a video online from a bloke who calls himself “daddy academy” and he’s talking about how men should always pay for dates, and the entire comment thread is women agreeing saying stuff like “if he asks to split I respond with oh so you wanna be friends okay” or “no problem shame there won’t be a second date”. So I’m genuinely asking for the women, you want equality & to be treated like normal human beings then why is the attitude currently in the dating sphere that men have to pay for you time. Am I just being dumb considering I’ve not dated for better part of a year as I’ve been in therapy & doing some personal growth/healing. But I feel like we are taking a step backwards and there’s some huge double standards in that women want traditional men with those values, but on the flip side don’t want to be those traditional women.",,27,Mindless-Spare-2454,2024-01-15 20:56:22 PurplePillDebate,197s69s,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, personal advice and memes in this thread. Here you can post everything that doesn't warrant its own thread or just do some socializing. Personal advice posting, research posts, non-TOS breaking rants, links to other locations with limited context as conversation topics, and things would be considered low effort posts are allowed in the daily thread. **Do not bring other PPD threads into the daily thread. Do not post PPD threads deserving of their own post in the daily thread.** The intent of the daily thread is not that it should replace PPD and become a place where users can avoid the rules of the subreddit. Attempting to do this will be considered circlejerking and moderated as such. **Black Pill/Incel Content/Woe-Is-Me is still banned in the daily thread. Witch hunting and insults are also still banned in the daily thread. Relegated topics must still go to in the weekly threads for those topics.** Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,7,AutoModerator,2024-01-16 03:00:10 PurplePillDebate,197fmvq,California Online Dating Safety Act: Thoughts,"I see this promoted on “Are We Dating the Same Guy” Facebook groups. I want to know what PPD thinks. The California Online Dating Safety Act is linked [here](https://valadao.house.gov/news/documentsingle.aspx?DocumentID=439) According to Facebook and the summary, the apps would require users to upload their ID on dating apps to prove their age, marital status, and name. The law also provides resources to dating app members who are a victim of a crime to report the crime to the proper authorities. The law doesn’t require criminal background checks due to how complicated background checks are, but it requires users to be notified if someone they’re messaging was banned from the app and why. It also sounds like married people who pretend to not be married on dating apps can get banned and people will be notified, but I am not sure. What do you guys think? Also, I am not a lawyer, so I don’t really know how to comb through a bill to determine the exact details.",,18,Economy-Shake-1448,2024-01-15 18:19:31 PurplePillDebate,197iurx,"Are you more attracted to calm, easy going or energetic, vivid personalities?","Confidence is one of the most common things that women have persistently stated as most attractive in a man. While this could be true, like other qualities women find attractive in men, it is incredibly vague. Confidence could mean different things to different people, and could be interpreted in different ways. One person may be more attracted to guys who are mellow, soft-spoke, and easy going and perceive that as clear social confidence that they would be attracted to. Another person may find someone who is more excited and lively in showing a range of expressions while they are socializing. For the lack of the question, I want you to imagine certain factors are other equal such as appearance, things that are being said (at principle, not how its being carried out), lifestyle/income, morals, and context. While this is heavily based on how your personal experiences compare with what type of guys that you do see, I suspect that there is usually a preference for one or the other. While meeting a guy for the first few times, would you feel gravitate more to a guy who appears at ease and calm, or someone who provides a more high energy atmosphere? Does it vary depending on what you are looking for, or is it usually consistent?",,9,KentuckyCriedFlickin,2024-01-15 20:24:25 PurplePillDebate,1978rsz,Serious question for the ladys: Do you find this kind of man attractiv?,"Video: https://youtube.com/shorts/1ytLDHjKLVg?si=KpyIEUpYr7j7CxTk I found this channel on YouTube and saw some clips because someone from the manosphere did a reaction about. The most male viewers wrote this man would lack masculinity, would be a cuck, she is cheating on him, etc.. Don't wanna insult him or other men like him, but would be curious what the women on this sub thinks about him and other men who are like him. Do you think this kind of man have masculinity, are attractiv, etc.?",,25,Parking-Coast-1385,2024-01-15 13:30:35 PurplePillDebate,196yvt2,"Seriously, how is the average joe supposed to be happy if he is never desired?","If this is CMV, mods please change, not showing up on mobile. Now for real, this is a short post, but how is an average guy supposed to actually play the dating game considering he will never be ""truly"" loved. All suggestions here seem to point out that in some shape or form, men have to pay women somehow, be it with commitment, provision, status, etc. The only way it doesn't happen, is in monogamous relationships, but this is far from ideal for most men, it is truly settling. The girls can weight in on this, but i can't understand how girls can find men hot or get the same level of lust that men express, i just don't get it at all. If you give me any average girl i can point out some or a few changes to make most guys find her hot. For men all i see being expressed is the very cream of the crop men used as example, as in you can't easily transform an average guy into a hot guy without MAJOR changes to the point it is barely recognizable. Are guys just this ugly by standard? If so, how the hell is a guy supposed to have a happy fullfilled life of his sexual life is in shambles. Not every man has a hobby he loves so much that he forgets he has hormones, how does this work?",,98,TurboBanned,2024-01-15 03:36:39 PurplePillDebate,197rd9a,"CMV: Although it should remain legal, it is immoral for a woman to remain pregnant if the man doesn’t want the child.","The Biological Data Argument. A man may consent to sex with a woman but not consent to fathering a child. Let’s imagine a hypothetical where technology allows you to take two people’s saliva and create a child in an incubator. If a woman consents to kissing a man, is she implicitly consenting to that man swabbing his mouth afterwards for her saliva and using it to have a child? My moral initiation tells me no. So while a man may consent to sex, it does not mean he consents to his biological data (sperm) to be used in a way he does not consent to. Financial abortions are a moot point. It’s not about avoiding parental responsibility, it’s about his body’s data, which he owns. Although perhaps consensually given to her as a byproduct of sex, the woman has no moral right to use a man’s biological data to then have a child that he doesn’t consent to having. I’m stuck on this thought and am interested in seeing the other side of it.",,0,[deleted],2024-01-16 02:21:21 PurplePillDebate,197qjrw,Is there any justification to the notion that men should be allowed to cheat?,"I read a lot of red pill content and watch red pill podcasts such as fresh n fit. Although I personally agree and open to some of the ideas, some of the other ideas I don't necessarily agree with. On the fresh n fit podcast for example- the host explains that men in a relationship or marriage should be able to exercise their options and cheat on their women but the women should not. This is due to biology as it's much easier for a man to separate sex from emotions. A man can have sex with a random women and still come home and love his wife. Also men are hard wired to ""spread their seed"" I completely understand the logic behind it and theory, but in practice it seems very toxic and not something that really works in practice. Maybe it does for top tier men, for example celebrities, sportstars, very wealthy men - where the partner(wife) will accept it's part of the deal, but not for the average guy or even a bit above average man. Would like to know your thoughts",,0,ShelterNo2786,2024-01-16 01:43:24 PurplePillDebate,196y2u0,Why do women tend to get aggressive at divorce?,"Happily married for over 30 years but one of our friends separated. I asked my wife “what would you do if we divorced?” Her reply was “make you pay” she was serious. “I would take you to the cleaners” So, my question to women is this. Why do women feel so entitled that they think they deserve to have more than 50% of assets in a divorce when the marriage has been a partnership? Additionally why do women seek to put as much harm as they can on their former partner? (For the discussion, there’s no DV, no arguments, happy marriage, supportive husband who has supported his wife through 3 primary breast cancers and let her retire from working supporting her full time for over 10 years) My supplementary question is this: can women see a link between this attitude and harm to women post divorce?",,48,TomKikkert,2024-01-15 02:56:07 PurplePillDebate,197d037,Have you ever dated a Jada?,"Pretty self explanatory. I feel like Will Smith slapped Chris Rock out of a moment of pure weakness that was brought on by Jadas scorn. If you rewatch the footage you’ll see Will took it as a joke, but then looked at Jada and saw how angry she was. She manipulated him with her gaze and he was weak enough to fall for it, and act on it in a stupid and rash way. Have you guys ever dated a Jada or been in a situation like it? I’ve had exes that act inflammatory/ manipulative on purpose just to get a rise out of me. For example, have you ever been with a girl and then yall are out in public at an eatery or something and she says “That guy over there keeps looking at me..” and you look over and guy looks like he’s minding his business. Nothing happens. You ignore it. Later on, she brings it up again and says something along the lines of “you’re weak. you didn’t even go tell that guy anything. do you even love me?” It’s the same type of woman that wants men to fight over her. So what’s been yalls experience? How do you handle these types of interactions? Have you ever folded and acted upon it and regretted it in hindsight? Also, to be clear, i’m not talking about defending your girl in actual uncomfortable or dangerous situations",,4,codeinecrim,2024-01-15 16:35:20 PurplePillDebate,196wik3,What are some unique burdens that the opposite gender has?,"Men and women are fundamentally different. So what are some things that each gender bears the full brunt of? I’ll list a few. Women: 1. Pregnancy and childbirth. This will never be equal. Men quite literally cannot give birth. They don’t have the right equipment. They cannot grow a baby inside them. The burden is 100% on women. 2. Having a biological clock. Women cannot date like men. They need to be settled down or at least dating by 25-26 or they don’t have a shot at kids. 3. Expectation of doing the small social stuff. This one seems silly but no one expects men to send thank you notes or attend 2000 baby showers with the accompanying gift. Women are expected to be social calendars and social hostesses of their marriages. Men: 1. Finances. There is a crap ton more pressure on men to be financially healthy. Women are not faulted or considered failures if they don’t have money. Men are. There are no safety nets for them. 2. Dealing with the “creep” accusations. Especially with feminists who perceive every word from a man as “creepy”, it seems stressful as a man to constantly walk on eggshells lest a woman take offense. 3. No one really cares about your mental health or issues. Women are pretty horrid at emotional support for men. This isn’t on purpose. It’s mostly because of societal expectations that men have it together and act as leaders of the family. Enough from me. Let me know what you think.",,38,penndelnj,2024-01-15 01:38:57 PurplePillDebate,197wqez,Do you lovely ladies think you'll be able to pull off a alpha fuxs/beta bucks strategy in a post red pill world?,"I think we can all agree that the Red Pill is mainstream now. At this point plenty of guys follow some kind of red pull influencers. Even if they don't watch red pill content themselves it still trickles down to them. One of the major reactions from men is a refusal to be a beta bucks. Surprisingly most women is see today seem to be trying to double down and push hypergamy to the limits. So my question to you lovely ladies (with everything you know from following this) is do you still think that you can pull off an alpha fuxs/ beta bucks strategy in a post red pill world? Even if you aren't directly planing an AF/BB do you think you'll be able to change your mind later on and get with a good man if things don't work out with the guys you really want?",,0,GhettoJamesBond,2024-01-16 07:01:27 PurplePillDebate,196z3cz,What societal scenario would make redpilled men happy?,"I personally don't endorse RedPill but I have consumed it's content out of curiosity. I am asking this with the utmost respect possible to everyone who might think otherwise. From what I've consumed, these influencers tell other men to get in shape and get rich to get women. Appearance and wealth. Using their logic, women exclusively pay attention to a man if he's hot and rich. Simultaneously, they denigrate women who date men exclusively for their appearance and money. If you have ""cracked the code"" to what women supposedly want, and then women agree and materialize their narrative by having the standards you have set, isn't that a win for you? Isn't that the whole point of their movement? I don't see the logic in saying ""women want this"" and then certain women say ""yes"" and then being angry and bitter about it. Isn't this what you wanted? Is it logical to be this angry that some women cater to your narrative? (If you’re going to comment “who’s angry?”, don’t. It’s common knowledge that red pilled men online are extremely angry at women.)",,19,NonameNamelez,2024-01-15 03:47:42 PurplePillDebate,197sun3,Who even are these “top percentile men” that are allegedly getting 80% of the dating results?,"As talk online and official studies have pointed out such as with dating apps, it is apparent that the majority of men are not seen as attractive and it is only the top 10-20% that are. If this is true, it feels really hard to objectively determine and quantify. What does top percentile even mean? Does this mean men who are at least 6 ft, good physique, perfect looking face and make a lot of money? If that is so then I don’t know what to say because I mean these types of guys with everything perfect hardly even exist. I even did a Tinder experiment in my area to view the men just because I was curious and I did not see any guys who seemed like supermodels or those guys people use for catfishing. Are the standards for being in the top percentile not as high as it seems? If it’s not, it still doesn’t make sense because I know good looking guys who don’t have a lot of luck with online dating. At this point nothing makes sense. Traditional rhetoric from the chronically online is that all the women are after Chad and he is coming for your girlfriend but how can this even be possible if there’s so few of them in the first place. However, taking the statistics, only 10-20% of men have success on dating apps and even good looking guys can struggle with dating which contradicts my observations. I also know average looking guys who have no problems getting into relationships or hookups and some even get results online. In conclusion, I’m confused who these top percentile men even are and what statistics are actually real or just mental masturbation.",,0,False_Moose_1427,2024-01-16 03:33:26 PurplePillDebate,197l3ol,Would you still date women if you had an authentic bioengineered vagina and womb in your basement?,"So you'd be able to have sex and procreate at will without going out to ""hunt"" or worrying about rejection. We had artificial womb discussion come up recently, and I was wondering about this. &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B;",,0,whitegrayblack5,2024-01-15 21:51:25 PurplePillDebate,196gigp,Why does it seem like progressiveness towards the gender roles only apply toward women?,"It seems there’s a lot of progressive attitudes towards the women gender roles but not for men. In terms of dating/marriage. For example a woman is no longer expected to stay in the kitchen, clean the house and raise the kids. Depending on the couple and their situation, the man and woman are both expected to help. However, when it comes to the man’s role, it’s different. For example, look at this vid. https://www.tiktok.com/@officialchristianwalk1r/video/7319931597040536875 Look at the likes, and comments. “Men want to be treated as women”. These are real ordinary people, and not “models”. It seems that wanting a woman that you’re dating to pay for your food, is such a “woman thing to do”. Why is this the attitude towards something so mundane? The other way around for these people there’d be no problem. I thought the whole idea of being more progressive was to ditch the old assigned gender roles, and treat whoever equally. It seems there’s a discrepancy or a lag between what is expected of a man vs a woman. Splitting 50/50 is seen as a red flag. Sending only 20 dollars to a girl for food is seen as broke man behavior. Not paying for her nails and hair is seen as you don’t care for her. Not opening door and being “chivalrous” is seen as not being a “real” man. By the way, in these scenarios they’re not even married. Now I don’t mind doing any of these things for a girl I like. But it seems that the prevailing attitude towards dating for men is “what can he do for me financially”. Of course finances are a big part of a relationship, but it seems like it’s number 1 on their list instead of liking the person for who they are. Not for what they have or can do for you. Thoughts?",,170,Nobodyherem8,2024-01-14 14:00:31 PurplePillDebate,196tkgt,Men feel that women will not allow them to have preferences but where do they get this idea?,"It's been said on here before that women will not allow men to have preferences, whereas women are allowed to by society. But I don't see men getting any judgment for having preferences, at least not judgement to the degree that matters.  For example, I have had a gf over a couple of years now, and we are both of average weight, and no one comes up to me and tells me I am being a sell out for not going for a woman that is morbidly obese, etc. Nor is any guy getting canceled by cancel culture for not having an obese gf/wife. So I wonder why some guys are under the impression that they're being harshly judged for having preferences, unless I am not seeing what is really going on?",,13,harmonica2,2024-01-14 23:24:07 PurplePillDebate,197mioq,Why do single and childless men who complain they cannot get dates or relationships also complain about the big numbers of single moms and that they would never date a single mother?,"There are many single mothers nowadays and many of them want to have relationships but they complain thst most guys don't want to date single moms. Due to the law of supply and demand single moms are far less picky than childless and single women of the same age and attractiveness levels because of the stigma against dating single parents. The same guys who say that women are very picky and they cannot get sex nor dates are often the ones who say they would never have a relationship with a single mom. But a single mom is a woman like a childless/childfree one. I understand that her kids add struggles to the relationship but I just don't understand such stigma and prejudice.",,0,sabrynekrystal1992,2024-01-15 22:46:47 PurplePillDebate,196pq6h,What do you being to the table,"I’ve seen this question asked to women online and when asked it’s usually asked in the most disingenuous way. I’m actually curious to find out the opposite from men but without trying to knock anyone down. Please answer these questions: 1. What do you bring to the table in the attraction phase to attract a woman 2. What do you bring to the table beyond the attraction phase to keep a woman 3. What do you require your partner or future partner to bring to the table to attract you 4. What do you require your partner or future partner to bring to the table to keep you . When answering please use examples of what you currently have or who you currently are . Not who you could be , would be or is working towards being or achieving in the future . ",,16,GeneralFig6053,2024-01-14 20:45:20 PurplePillDebate,196iq07,Post-Nut Clarity and what it suggests about males,"PNC = once you bust, your mind is no longer ""clouded"" by sexual urges and you can think clearly about what you're doing all of a sudden. Does this mean... the rest of the time your mind IS clouded and you aren't thinking clearly? Seems like it'd be terrible to CONSTANTLY have cloudy thinking because of sexual urges. But it would account for a lot of unexplainable behavior. I've even heard the advice given between males to ""rub one out before a major decision"", so it's obviously impairing y'all's judgement. Why hasn't Big Pharma figured out a way to bottle PNC and sell it over the counter?",,39,Windmill_flowers,2024-01-14 15:45:19 PurplePillDebate,196t8rm,"What's the difference, in principle and in morals, between pump-and-dump and serial monogamy?","Pump-and-dump is engaging in intimate relationship with a person (usually a woman, but exceptions happen) with intent to abandon them within several hours. Serial monogamy is engaging in intimate relationship with a person (usually a man, but exceptions happen) with intent to abandon them within several months/years. In undesirable variety of both scenarios, the other person wants the relationship to continue for longer (usually months/years in case 1 and decades/indefinitely in case 2, of course exceptons happen). Is there a crucial difference why these two cases are uncomparable? Is there any objective reason why one or the other is more ""unfair""? Do the answers to these two questions change or stay the same if serial monogamist gets or doesn't get married? Let me hear your thoughts.",,8,abaxeron,2024-01-14 23:10:06 PurplePillDebate,196wy2m,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, personal advice and memes in this thread. Here you can post everything that doesn't warrant its own thread or just do some socializing. Personal advice posting, research posts, non-TOS breaking rants, links to other locations with limited context as conversation topics, and things would be considered low effort posts are allowed in the daily thread. **Do not bring other PPD threads into the daily thread. Do not post PPD threads deserving of their own post in the daily thread.** The intent of the daily thread is not that it should replace PPD and become a place where users can avoid the rules of the subreddit. Attempting to do this will be considered circlejerking and moderated as such. **Black Pill/Incel Content/Woe-Is-Me is still banned in the daily thread. Witch hunting and insults are also still banned in the daily thread. Relegated topics must still go to in the weekly threads for those topics.** Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,5,AutoModerator,2024-01-15 02:00:08 PurplePillDebate,195ym4h,Does the Destiny situation prove that redpill is right?,"Destiny is a popular twitch streamer that aligns with bluepill thinking and [made it his life goals to prove the redpill community wrong on all fronts](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YIFUFQW-fKY&ab_channel=DestinyClips). He has been on many relationship oriented podcast like: freshandfit, whatever, Justpearlything and Adam Sosnick podcast and debates with redpillers on gender issues in society. In terms of how he operates in his romantic life, he is all about equality and seeing women as equal, he's also a feminist and was in an open marriage with his soon to be ex-wife. [Many redpillers told him that being in an open relationship was bad and that it would end in divorce in 1-2 years](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tqzB5tNO3to&ab_channel=DestinyClips). Destiny laughed at the idea of getting a divorce and was confident that his wife will always come back to him, no matter who she slept with; he also choose not to get a prenup fyi. Fast forward to December 2023 and text messages, that Destiny had with his mods, begin circulating the internet. Within said text, Destiny confirms that him and his wife were heading towards a divorce. It was revealed further that the reason for said divorce was due to Destiny putting his foot down at her sleeping with other men. Funny enough, 1 week prior to this, Rollo Tomasi (redpill content creator) made a video about how women hate [beta males that try to exhibit alpha male qualities (aka have a backbone and set boundaries) later in the relationship.](https://youtu.be/9gfXp7rqKfM?si=BmHUdiSYz40QAfus) Around Christmas time, Destiny's wife hits him up for 100k, stating that he owes her money for her apartment and that if he wants to do what's ""morally right"" he'll give her the money for ""forcing her to leave the US"". In addition to this, Destiny has revealed that his wife is going around town and basically telling people, within their social circles, that part of the reason for her leaving him is due to him being ""abusive and neglectful"".[Now come 2024 and Destiny is in shambles, he has stated live on stream that he's not sure if he'll ever date again.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X2oXpvMY_v0) Do you think what happened to Destiny is a perfect example of what happens to men ignoring the redpill and thinking that bad dating outcome with never happen to them?",,125,shonenhikada,2024-01-13 21:25:12 PurplePillDebate,195yey9,Women tell men how to be attractive not sexually attractive and men struggle because of it,"In this context sexual attractiveness definition means ""wanting to have sex with"". Attractiveness means to be ""drawn to that person."" Typically when looking for advice, Men get advice for attractiveness instead of sexual attractiveness. These two are the same for women but different for males. Attractiveness would be categotized as being friendly, approachable personality, disarming looks, less pushy and etc. However sexual attractiveness for a man has consistently shown to be traits that show dominance and power. The opposite of attractiveness or approachable. For example, women are obsessed with taller men. Why? It's a form of dominance to repel other men. Muscles consistently show more partners because it repels other men. Aggression and everything opposite of being friendly is what's actually sexually attractive for men. So much so, all Hollywood's conventially attractive men have been using steroids for some time to keep up with societies exaggerated preference for masculinity. Women tell you how they get more dates. Which is not how Men get more dates. They can be attractive and therefore sexually attractive. Which is not the same for men",,63,YtBlue,2024-01-13 21:16:13 PurplePillDebate,196ekl0,Films/books that portray the male ideal fantasy?,"There are several romantic books or films that, in my eyes (as a woman), portray perfect love/relationships/partners. To better understand what the male ideal looks like in this regard - can you recommend some films or books? It would also be great if you could explain in a few words, what makes the pictured so appealing. Thanks!",,6,desert_fly,2024-01-14 12:13:13 PurplePillDebate,1967enn,"How can a ""nice guy"" truly become a cocky, playful asshole (""bad boy"")?","The good people of PPD are all familiar with the pointless back-and-forth arguing about whether women like assholes and whether ""nice guys finish last."" Blue pillers retort that these guys aren't actually assholes, they're just confident guys who flirt and tease properly. Let's be clear, ""asshole"" is an inherently goofy term, you should be imagining the type of guy that makes girls go ""You're such an asshole!"" while slapping his shoulder. Genuinely bad people will be referred to as ""bad people."" Throughout my life I've seen naturals, of average or even below average attractiveness pull attractive/average young women (the average college girl is attractive) through their playful asshole personality. And let's be real, these guys are always bad people. There's a weird dynamic where bluepillers are correct in noting that their flirting/teasing/playful asshole personality is appropriate and doesn't make them bad people, but these guys actually are bad people in real life. The redpilled nice guys of PPD see this and think ""It was obvious all along"" which... it was. From our male perspective, it doesn't make sense for women to be attracted to these cocky, playful assholes then act surprised when they're bad people. It doesn't make sense to expect there to be some ""Just kidding, I don't actually think I'm superior"" moment at some point. Let's clarify how I'm defining a nice guy since PPD nice guys get a bad rep for no reason. A nice guy is not a guy who's pretending to be nice to get in women's pants. This doesn't even make sense because their claim is that women like assholes, so why would they be faking niceness? A nice guy is not a pushover or a coward either. This is the sort of libel and shaming that kills any sort of coherent discussion with the other side. A nice guy is a man who doesn't seek to establish social dominance over others. A man who's content with speaking to others as his social equals. A man who values altruism and cooperation. We can see this in politics as well. Think of a young man who's vegan, drives a smart car (those two things are objectively amazing for the environment), loves AOC and Kamala Harris, calls himself a feminist, etc. It is literally impossible to imagine a man like this embodying a ""bad boy"" personality. Due to being too benevolent and altruistic; there has to be a seed of malice baked into that personality. The ""playful asshole"" personality outwardly communicates selfishness and superiority. This is why on college campuses, those soyboys get friendzoned while their attractive liberal female friends get railed every weekend by bigoted barbarians at frat parties. Women generally can't seem to refrain from punishing benevolence and rewarding malevolence. Studies show that men who call themselves ""incels"" are actually a slightly left-leaning demographic: [38.85% of the incel participants were right-leaning, 44.70% were left-leaning, and 17.47% were centrist](https://liberalarts.utexas.edu/news/incels-are-not-particularly-right-wing-or-white-but-they-are-extremely-depressed-anxious-and-lonely-according-to-new-research) So the question becomes, how can a ""nice guy"" truly embody the personality of a cocky, playful asshole in order to attract women? This question is for both the redpillers and bluepillers reading this. This is what we should all be focusing on, since PPD nice guys have no retort to the question of ""Why don't you become an asshole then?"" How can we take guys who are inclined towards equality, altruism, and cooperation and turn them into bad boys/playful assholes? Ironically this would be exactly what women would want, correct? We could trojan horse women into dating nice guys by having them behave like assholes? Is it really possible to make this transformation though? To truly adopt the seemingly seamless rizz of these successful men if you're not inclined towards it? If we can articulate a way, then that basically solves all of PPD's problems with dating, right? Arguably this is just describing the function of /r/TheRedPill. What are everyone's thoughts though? What would a ""bluepilled"" prescription for transformation look like? ",,13,FeignRetreat,2024-01-14 04:32:24 PurplePillDebate,195zsfl,Why is confidence such an aphrodisiac?," It’s perhaps the single biggest attractor at least in the early phase of dating. Sometimes confidence alone is all it takes to seal the deal when someone would only be mildly attractive otherwise. Yet it’s perhaps the only attribute that doesn’t mean anything. At all. Think about it - If you were describing your new partner to your parents for example, you wouldn’t exactly say ‘oh he’s just so confident!’ at most you might say ‘oh he’s got such great charisma and sense of humour’ but even that invites more questions about what sort of person he is and whether he’s trying to beguile her ‘that’s nice dear but tell me about him’ Jim Jones and Ted Bundy had charisma. Donald Trump and Andrew tate have confidence. We all know this on some level. Therefore we all know it’s meaningless bullshit on some level. It’s not just that confident people are more interesting, maybe at most you could argue that they’re more entertaining. And yet you see women get weak at the knees for outward confidence and chest puffery which might and often does betray inner inferiority complex anyway. Confidence in women is usually attractive as well but not to the same extent it seems. Obviously diffidence and self doubt isn’t very attractive and doesn’t inspire someone to follow you especially since we tend to use other peoples outward confidence as a reflection of their self worth and competence- naturally someone who’s not very confident must think rather lowly of themselves and maybe that’s for good reason since they’re lacking in so many ways. But why don’t we see through confidence more often? Why don’t we look at how people walk not talk? We can’t be this naive Does it seem from certain people being subtly submissive and allowing someone else to dominate their personality? But then why so confident people seem to attract each other? Blind attraction to confidence has to be one of the dumbest facets of human nature and is responsible for a huge amount of suffering and bullshit Edit I’m referring to outward confidence, the type that’s boldly announced not subtly discovered - the type which doesn’t actually require any inner confidence to feign We now know that this form of confidence is a heuristic for competence which offered a survival advantage in bygone times by indicating that a man was able to protect and provide for a woman and a child ( meanwhile physical attractiveness indicated fertility in women and was more important than confidence) but surely we can therefore see it for what it is in modern dating world - an obsolete attribute that doesn’t mean really anything anymore ",,24,StaticNocturne,2024-01-13 22:17:00 PurplePillDebate,196f14t,Female women are you also scared of approaching men and end up imagining disatrous scenarios in your head?,"I am not going to specify the place but you just saw a guy you think is cute and you want to talk to him but while you are working up the courage to go do something, you already thinking about the many ways he will reject you. He will: Ignore you, make fun of you to his friends (or anyone close to him at the moment), look at you in disgust, etc. I know you are going to say: ""Of course. Women have emotions too!"" but, because we men are expected to make the first move, it's really hard to believe that women would go through the same anxious thoughts. For example, I myself feel rejected as soon as I get out of bed in the morning. ",,0,Felizem_velair_,2024-01-14 12:40:39 PurplePillDebate,196etxu,"Apparently, a lot of women now want to meet someone while ""running errands""","apparently women are tired of dating apps and [prefer to be approached while running errands](https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGe25Bohd/) . Which makes sense. Imagine telling your family you met while swiping left and right on Tinder? Its just sounds objectifying, artificial , even dystopian. The fear of getting approached, or rather getting viscerally annoyed by it, is more a sign of a low-trust atomized society than the method of chatting up a woman being problematic. Mostly online spaces like this one are against it because they're populated by the terminally online who fear their own shadows. In the real world, the consequences of such messaging are already firing back. More women fear of ending up alone and childless and alone, while if you're on reddit where the anti-natal crowds are the loudest it would make it seem ""childfree"" it's the hippest thing out there. ",,0,HardTimes4Vampires,2024-01-14 12:28:40 PurplePillDebate,195n664,The way TRP describes female submission makes 0 sense,"""You can be submissive and not be a doormat"". ""Submissive doesn't mean inferior"". Umm, this makes 0 sense. If you're looking for someone you doesn't argue much and usually goes with the flow, the correct word is ""agreeable"". Submissive means that you are a follower and submit to someone's authority. I can't imagine how someone can view the husband as having authority over the wife and not view the husband as superior to some degree. After all why would you accept someone's authority 24/7 if you don't consider them smarter and more capable than you? If you're submissive then you accept that the husband is always right and follow what he says. What you think doesn't matter much because he has the final say. If you think the other person should always have the final say then you have to view yourself as dumber/less capable to some degree, otherwise you'll drive yourself insane. So yea , being submissive is being inferior. Maybe not inferior in value but certainly inferior in judgement, logic and reason. And no this is not the same to BDSM at all , in healthy BDSM there are clear boundaries and it's pretty much roleplay most of the time. Nothing happens unless the sub consents. However, with the way TRP describes it , it seems like the dominant man will always have the final say and you should STFU and follow him. So yea it means being inferior and a doormat to a degree. ""But my grandma wasn't a doormat or inferior"". Yes because chances are she wasn't submissive lol. Almost none of the elderly women I know would think of themselves as submissive, at best they were agreeable and even that wasn't always true. The average man in the 50s wasn't some tyrant who would always have the final say. Of course this dynamic exists but it doesn't define most boomer relationships.",,43,Novel-Tip-7570,2024-01-13 12:41:11 PurplePillDebate,196a5xc,"Which side criticizes the other side more - ""Red Pill"" criticizing ""Blue Pill"" or ""Blue Pill"" criticizing ""Red Pill""?","For starters, let's make it clear what the **Red Pill** and the **Blue Pill** actually are. *""The red pill and blue pill represent a choice between the willingness to learn a potentially unsettling or life-changing truth by taking the red pill or remaining in the contented experience of ordinary reality with the blue pill (i.e. the reality principle or the pleasure principle\[1\]). The terms originate from the 1999 film The Matrix.""* [*https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red\_pill\_and\_blue\_pill*](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_pill_and_blue_pill) Far too often we see 'characterizations' of the ""Red Pill"" that are hyperbolic, outrageous, and simply not accurate. For ""Red Pill"" to be Red Pill it simply has to **""acknowledge potentially uncomfortable things that are true.""** Many people on this sub inaccurately, hatefully, and foolishly have an idea that ""Red Pill"" = exclusively some attention seeking Internet personality grifter who 'hates women.' Now, there certainly are people like that but this is not ""Red Pill"" in the sense that this is what makes ""Red Pill"" Red Pill. **It's not a** ***requirement*** **to be a shocking grifter who says outrageous things because they know the algorithm rewards that.** For the sake of this discussion or poll, these are the definitions that I'm using, and I have every right to define and be clear about what I'm attempting to propose for a discussion. It has been my experience that ""Red Pill"" thinking allows for a ""Blue Pill"" way of being if that happens to be advantageous and successful to men. When ""Red Pill"" guys discuss their lives, there really isn't so many guys getting shamed for doing something if that is something that's working. When ""Red Pill"" guys see men doing something totally different, but it gets results, you really don't see a whole lot of ""Red Pill"" guys dressing other men down for finding ""Blue Pill"" solutions resulting in happy and successful relationships and marriages. I just don't tend to see that. With the ""Red Pill"" there's a certain amount of **strategic essentialism** baked in that seems to **accept anything under the sun as long as it gets desired results.** From what I've seen, I don't think I could say that's the same for people who self-identify as ""Blue Pill."" I think a lot of these ""Blue Pill"" people don't understand that many of these now ""Red Pill"" guys have already tried being ""Blue Pill."" And I think a lot of ""Red Pill"" guys would prefer being ""Blue Pill"" and getting results that way if they could. From what I've seen, ""Blue Pill"" people object to a ""Red Pill"" lens and do not allow the flexibility of it to exist if it happens to get results. It just seems predominantly maligned and mischaracterized by default but not so the other way around. People who are ""Blue Pill"" understandably want to live in their illusion and they see ""Red Pill"" as a threat to bursting their bubble. This is not because ""Red Pill"" people are disrespecting others for finding love and stable relationships by another means, it's simply unsettling to some that there are uncomfortable truths at play, in all relationships, whether we want to accept that or not. That's just what I've seen. So that's why I'm asking other people. This is not - me making an affirmative and let's make a CMV arguing about what I think. Because let's be honest, who cares about what I think? **The question is - which party do you see criticizing, shaming, and maligning the other party more?** Then you need to provide some real examples. Maybe you link to some examples, or you relate something that happened in your life. Here is an example response - {*I think that the ""Blue Pill"" tends to attack ""Red Pill' more - I had a conversation with friends. Someone brought up the ""Red Pill"" - someone was like - what's the ""Red Pill"" and before anyone could say anything, a woman chimed in and said - oh that's simply everything that Andrew Tate and FreshNFit think. Andrew Tate is a blah blah blah, so it's what blah blah blahs think. True Story}* Maybe there's examples I don't know about like - ""Red Pill"" guys being all - *how dare you have a happy marriage* and calling dudes *losers* for having happy marriages. Maybe that's a thing. I just haven't seen that. Anyway, it's not about what I've seen as I haven't really seen all there is out there. That's why I'm asking the question. **The question is - which party do you see criticizing, shaming, and maligning the other party more - Red Pill criticizing Blue Pill or Blue Pill criticizing Red Pill?**",,0,Da_Famous_Anus,2024-01-14 07:16:07 PurplePillDebate,195sslb,"Dating, investments, homeownership, and financial priorities","This non-sex topic needs to be separated into its own discussion, because it's receiving attention in the DO40 subreddit. [Single Women Are More Likely To Own Homes Than Single Men In Nearly All States](https://www.forbes.com/sites/brendarichardson/2023/01/25/single-women-are-more-likely-to-own-homes-than-single-men-in-nearly-all-states/) Let's ignore the divorced women who get the houses upon divorce (the bread and butter of TRP and MRA). Let's ignore the widows who get the houses upon the death of their husbands. Let's focus on the biological sex divide between first-time home buyers among women and first-time home buyers among men. This is a solid mid-life dating discussion. It is true that there are more of those women than men. It should also be considered that women do get more help from The Bank of Mom and Dad than men. The counterpoints, however, are as follows: 1) Such women are house-rich but cash poor. 2) College-educated men aged 35-45 continue to earn more. [This was the subject of a recent thread on financially stable men](https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/18s3tci/is_there_truly_a_large_subset_of_men_who_are/). 3) The stock market outperforms real estate over the long term, unless it's a country that is knee-deep in a real estate bubble. College-educated men, including late bloomers, continue to be knee-deep into the stock market with their investments. 4) Many college-educated men, including late bloomers, are itching to change jobs *again* to earn even more money. For college-educated adults, this is the college-educated equivalent of the divide between female government workers and male workers in construction and oil & gas. 5) Many college-educated men, including late bloomers, are willing to chase the MBA credential. The financial priorities of college-educated men, including late bloomers, do clash with the financial priorities of first-time home buyers among women, and especially clash if the latter are never-married single mothers.",,13,FromAuntToNiece,2024-01-13 17:12:34 PurplePillDebate,1963aqn,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, personal advice and memes in this thread. Here you can post everything that doesn't warrant its own thread or just do some socializing. Personal advice posting, research posts, non-TOS breaking rants, links to other locations with limited context as conversation topics, and things would be considered low effort posts are allowed in the daily thread. **Do not bring other PPD threads into the daily thread. Do not post PPD threads deserving of their own post in the daily thread.** The intent of the daily thread is not that it should replace PPD and become a place where users can avoid the rules of the subreddit. Attempting to do this will be considered circlejerking and moderated as such. **Black Pill/Incel Content/Woe-Is-Me is still banned in the daily thread. Witch hunting and insults are also still banned in the daily thread. Relegated topics must still go to in the weekly threads for those topics.** Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,2,AutoModerator,2024-01-14 01:00:12 PurplePillDebate,195slma,Do you believe most men respect women you meet?," I know I'm bias as a guys, I believe most guys respect women, I've only seen guys be respectful to women, their partner and I've seen plenty guys go the extra mile for a woman we both dont know. Other then the few assholes and teen boys. I think men generally respect women. Do you agree? Is your lived experience different? Or I'm I just clueless about the world?",,12,topredhat,2024-01-13 17:03:48 PurplePillDebate,1962lr8,What does the 80/20 rule?,"I often see it cited in the sub but never in a consistent manner. Sometimes it's 80% of women are attracted to 20% of men. Other times, it's 20% of men get 80% of the sex. What does it mean and in your opinion, why is it cited inconsistently? ",,3,PPothy,2024-01-14 00:26:39 PurplePillDebate,195svlc,"If one group is more desperate than the other in a deal, that increases the chance of injustice happening to the desperate member of the deal.","It is simple common sense. Most people do not operate on a level of altruism to where they will intentionally disadvantage themselves to get a fair deal for the other party. Most people do not have the temperance to not riskily overindulge on hedonism when it is readily available. Why should we assume that men, the sex which has had an entire philosophical campaign to paint them as historical villains, who have had modern technology to increase their disadvantage, who nature itself made them less charismatic and appealing than women aren't facing any sort of injustice. Truthfully I'm not sure what's the point of typing this out, considering most women will completely acknowledge this because it would make themselves feel like villains, but if you care about the truth you will acknowledge that within the dating sphere men are facing deep injustices.",,12,EveningEveryman,2024-01-13 17:16:14 PurplePillDebate,19688q5,Should people with little to no dating experience be allowed to discuss or debate dating issues?,"Really....should people who have never had sex be taken seriously in conversations about ""sex and gender issues?"" ",,0,Specific_Praline_362,2024-01-14 05:20:21 PurplePillDebate,196cf5f,How do you think you guys will handle it once it's over and you're settled down?,"I have been following the red pill for about 10 years now. 10 whole years of approaching, building up my value, and strategizing. My biggest problem before was being a beat with no bucks, now thats changed and im a high value man. Now it's over and I wifed up the girl that was there with me through the hard times and we have a kid together now. I know I made the right decision because she got with me when she was 25 and was with me when I didn't have anything. So I know I won the game. However I find it very hard to let it all go. I finally have my money up and I'm from the hood. I know that if I was single I would be killing it right now. In the hood all the other guys are broke and wouldn't be much competition for the most part. So many women i see are getting older, alone, and are lonely. I know I need to stop thinking about it because it's not healthy and I wouldn't even really do it because I don't want to ruin my family, but I just can't stop thinking about all girls I could have been getting instead right now. I think using the Tom Leykis strategy of letting them think I would be a beta bucks. Then just pumping and dumping before they realize I'm not I could've been smashing all these single moms left and right and having the time of my life right now. But instead I keep trying to remind myself that I made the right choice. I heard that the more you think about alternatives, the more you become invested in them and in the red pill that's all we do. I can't help but wonder how much harder it makes it to let it go when it's over. Especially when you fixed all the issue's that were previously holding you back and figured it all out. So are we just making it harder for ourselves when the time comes to let it all go? Do you guys think you'll be able to let it all go when it's over? Because the truth is that you are going to have to settle if you don't want to be a beta bucks.",,0,GhettoJamesBond,2024-01-14 09:50:29 PurplePillDebate,195yc74,Questions about womens' complaints directed towards men,"Been lurking for a while now. I just wanted to clarify some stuff that confuses me (a black man). \-There was a post a while back on r/TwoXChromosomes about a lady who was tired of people asking her out/flirting with her. She purposefully wore baggy clothes to prevent this, but people still tried to talk to her. As long as it wasn't at an inappropriate time (on the job, middle of a conversation with a friend, something along those lines), I don't see a problem here. What's wrong with asking out women? If women don't want to be bothered for most of the day, when should men ask women out? \-""All women are to men is sex"". And? All men are to women is a wallet. Before you call me an incel, hear me out. Relationships are transactional. They've been that way for centuries. I completely agree that men don't really care about women. As soon as they get sex, they stop trying/dump the girl/etc. But, you have to think, with women being more college educated and more independent, less women are entering relationships. Men are a provider. They are a wallet. Women needed men to be the provider for a long, long time. So they provided sex, something that men desire. For women, it was basically ""smd or live on the street"". Now, with women making their own money, they don't need men anymore. They don't need to provide sex to any schmuck because they're desperate. As of now, women only really have sex with men they consider high-value, men that can pleasure them (like men do with women). Female sexual habits are no longer about money, they're more like men's sexual habits where it's more about the primal urge to mate than financial security. And primal urges can be suppressed. Religion has been doing it for centuries. And it seems paranoia and hatred seem to override the lustful lizard brain in this forum. All the stuff I've seen posted about men here, no wonder men are having less sex. I know this forum doesn't speak for all women, but it's a decent enough sample size to base an average off of. Relationships were never about ""love"", it was always strictly business. It's been like that since the dawn of civilization. If they were about ""love"", less women would be kicked to the curb after one-night stands. Less women would be gr$p3ð. And there would be far less lonely men. Way back in the day, nobody married for love. They married for alliances with other families and other kingdoms. Again, strictly business, nothing more. I assume women know this, so why is this a problem? I'm perfectly fine with human nature as it is. I'm perfectly fine with being reduced to a paycheck. Mutual benefit is what drives relationships. Please respond. As a man, and thus, an outsider to the plight of the female gender, I don't seem to be in the loop here. I'm curious about why there is such a wedge between the two biological sexes. I want to know why women have the problems they have, and why more and more seem to resent men. This is coming from a guy who had women start speedwalking as soon as they saw me, a 6'2 black dude, walking down the street. I swear on God I didn't do anything beforehand. It's fucking horrendous how our society has gotten to the point where women can take one look at a guy they've never seen before and immediately think ""gr#p15t"". I see that logic a lot in women's discourse too. A lot of the posts on women-only subs are like, ""OMFG I ALMOST GOT GR$P3ð SHOULD I CALL THE COPS OH MY GOD"" and they describe their horrifying encounter with a random dude going about his day. Why do people think like this? Is it due to the media? This feels like the Cold War all over again, where everyone's neighbor is a communist spy because they looked at them funny. ",,0,SinopeLycanthrope,2024-01-13 21:12:49 PurplePillDebate,1950gwd,Men are infinitely more forgiving towards women flaws yet women keep pretending men and women are on an even field with dating.,"Height. Men are way more forgiving towards women regarding height. I have never seen a male midget with a girlfriend. Autistic/socially awkward traits. Men are infinitely more forgiving towards women with these traits. Because of this women on the spectrum grow up being more rude and abrasive because they never felt any consequences for this. Being ugly. Ugly women always have a chance to get in a relationship, because men accept ugliness while ugly men have an infinitely lower chance. Upkeep demands. Dates, vacations, gifts whatever. Women are more demanding with these things than men. Making money. Men are fine when a woman makes less money than them but not the other way around. So much for feminism. ",,166,EveningEveryman,2024-01-12 17:23:58 PurplePillDebate,195sjpp,FEMINISM WEEKLY DISCUSSION THREAD,"&#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/3aHh4trC7B) Include your reddit username, pill color, age and gender when you arrive in the welcome mat to introduce yourself and help people get to know you. &#x200B; You can also find Mrs\_Drgree on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/?hl=en) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree) for notifications on when good threads are posted.",,2,AutoModerator,2024-01-13 17:01:33 PurplePillDebate,195s29s,The logical origin of the argument “he should have worn a condom” or “he should have kept it in his pants” is actually “she should have just been abstinent”. Why do makers of the former claims not understand the argument they are actually making?,"When going through the threads covering abortion, pregnancy, paternity, and parental rights, you will see comments like the first two circle like clockwork. However, I don’t think people making this argument actually understand the true argument they are making and that they are actually choosing a particular moment in a sequence that results in pregnancy as opposed to the origin. Here are some presuppositions: - women are the main selectors and deciders of if and when sex happens between two romantically interested people. How can I verify this (because I’ve seen the arguments against this before)? Let’s look at the topic of consent, it’s bolstering into mainstream talking points, and it’s origins. Women have been the initial and primary drivers of this. Why? Because their consent directly determines whether any kind of sexual act occurs. This also involves what kind of contraception is used, in order to receive their consent. It’s only recently that consent of a man has really come into play and I assume that’s because there’s a realization that women being the primary consent givers means they are the ones who determine bell curve sexual encounters. - pretending that condoms are some kind of end all be all birth control is incredibly flawed. It’s interesting this point is made so regularly when I’ve had condoms break several times, and it’s a regular occurrence of pregnancy happening even with condom usage. We do not hold women to this same standard with their birth control, and I’ll anecdotally assume because they are typically pretty piss poor at taking it appropriately. - the “he should have worn a condom” argument actually is designed to obscure the fact that the sexual encounter was not verified by him, but by the woman. She also determines what kind of BC is used. I cannot tell you how many times women told me (and there are an abundance of men with the same experience) not to use a condom but I did anyways. This shows that women are aware of their say in this regard and that if they can urge you not to use it, they certainly can command you do. - finally, if the real argument is “every sexual encounter should assume a risk of a pregnancy” then that’s pretty much tantamount to being an abstinence hustler.",,0,No-Rough-7390,2024-01-13 16:40:29 PurplePillDebate,19637xm,Why do some women willingly oppress themselves?,"https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT8brGDYF/ In this video, a woman is talking about how she and her husband have an unequal relationship. She talks about all of the things that she does for him, but fails to mention anything that he does for her. My question is why do some women not realize they are in an oppressive relationship? I would not be surprised if she is being abused. It is sad to see. What are your thoughts?",,0,Windmill_flowers,2024-01-14 00:56:24 PurplePillDebate,194qi7f,Why do some people bend over backwards to find excuses for everything women do?,"""women initiate most divorces"" ""Well, it's because the men are horrible husbands and deserve it"". ""Actually, lesbians have high divorce rates compared to gays"" ""Well actually divorce is a good thing, it shows that women don't tolerate bad relationships"" ""Psychopathic men have more kids"" ""It's because they manipulate these poor women"" ""Actually this study says that dark triad men are perceived as more attractive"" ""It's because they're manipulative, women are victims"". You get it, there's always an excuse to everything women do. The people who say these things never extent the same grace to men. I fully believe that men can be horrible, I could write a whole essay about bad traits that are associated with men. However, I also have no problem admitting that some women simply make piss poor decisions and then they don't accept responsibility. It's okay to admit that. It doesn't mean that women should be oppressed or anything crazy like that. It also doesn't mean that men are better or that male violence is justified. But some women are total morons and have horrible taste.",,270,Novel-Tip-7570,2024-01-12 08:48:59 PurplePillDebate,1952va7,You're not forced to be with women who don't want you.,"Genuine question: Why do you think your options are only limited to women who settle for you? It's like this lingering fear that I can't make sense of, and the concern always follows the same flow that may or may not be true: \- Woman turns 17/18 \- Woman then proceeds to fire up Tinder and has sex with hot dudes/athletes/rappers etc. for the next 10 years \- Woman ignores genuine dudes who want to get in a relationship with her during this time because she can't let go of sex with top-tier men \- Around 30, said woman finally realizes she'll never get them to commit, and decides to hit up the dudes she's been ignoring all this time. \- She tells said dude she wants to have kids and quit doing all the nasty stuff she was doing with casual hookups and limit you to vanilla stuff only \- You now have to wallow in misery because it's all you can supposedly get \- Cycle continues. Despite all attempts at rationale (for example, the GSS study which states that most people have less than 10 partners lifetime, or that most adults are in relationships), this same idea persists. Even if there are women out there who sleep around a bunch with hot dudes (I agree there are), most women are shacked up with guys they're genuinely hot for. People they likely met in their early-mid 20's, and then go one to get married/have kids. So I would like to ask: What is honestly driving this fear of being settled for? Are you honestly afraid you may have to settle for a woman who isn't hot for you? You know you don't have to settle for women who don't want you, right?",,28,Nate__Reborn,2024-01-12 19:03:17 PurplePillDebate,194xptd,Where is the incentive for a woman to be submissive?,"The only thing being submissive or agreeble does to a woman's dating life is increase the likelyhood of her attracting an abusive controlling man. It also doesn't help that it's that only people who absolutely loathe women like the host of the Fresh and Fit podcast and tradcons who want to roll back on women's rights promoting this advice. Since a woman doesn't even have to be remotely submissive or agreeble to get a man I'm just simply not seeing the benefits whatsoever.",,55,Ok-Map-7596,2024-01-12 15:28:10 PurplePillDebate,1950yr3,Women’s Attraction to Dangerous and Violent Men,"This thought just occurred to me this morning, so it is kind of fresh and not completely fleshed out, but I think it at least partially explains a question that many people are confused by. The question being, “Why are many women attracted to dangerous men that are capable of violence?” I think that a lot of women find this attractive because they (whether consciously or subconsciously) believe they will be able to tame the man and wield the man’s strength and capability of violence to their own ends. It honestly is not a great strategy, because the women in question are going to be the most likely victim of that dangerous man, but as we all know attraction isn’t often guided by logic. What do you think? Is this idea resonating with anyone or am I off the mark? Would appreciate some genuine discussion on this topic because I would like to refine this idea a bit.",,35,silkyj0hnson,2024-01-12 17:44:28 PurplePillDebate,19622jd,Passport bros and mail order husbands doing it wrong: The case for marrying up not down,"TRP and the manosphere have lots of discussions on passport bros and mail order husbands. In both cases, the late bloomer man marries down in socioeconomic status. That's the wrong approach. The case can actually be made for marrying up instead. Look, if the wife is going to be using this man for citizenship status, then it is the *man* who should exercise the right to sex outside a committed relationship, up to and including extramarital sex. It is the *man* who should be able to state outright an intent to pursue this, in the tone of a bully. It is the *man* who should be able to exercise the right to cheat if necessary. Marry rich, insist on *joint* finances, then f*** outside the marriage to the foreigner wife's tears. He will have her by the proverbial p****.",,0,FromAuntToNiece,2024-01-14 00:01:38 PurplePillDebate,1959xd9,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, personal advice and memes in this thread. Here you can post everything that doesn't warrant its own thread or just do some socializing. Personal advice posting, research posts, non-TOS breaking rants, links to other locations with limited context as conversation topics, and things would be considered low effort posts are allowed in the daily thread. **Do not bring other PPD threads into the daily thread. Do not post PPD threads deserving of their own post in the daily thread.** The intent of the daily thread is not that it should replace PPD and become a place where users can avoid the rules of the subreddit. Attempting to do this will be considered circlejerking and moderated as such. **Black Pill/Incel Content/Woe-Is-Me is still banned in the daily thread. Witch hunting and insults are also still banned in the daily thread. Relegated topics must still go to in the weekly threads for those topics.** Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,9,AutoModerator,2024-01-13 00:00:11 PurplePillDebate,1954yti,Can advocates of casual sex propose it’s merits?,"In my eyes, it is in every way, shape or form inferior to LTRs. It leads to the objectification of women, to the normalisation of a lack of commitment, hindering the development of deep, meaningful connections. It’s just simply animalistic, hedonistic and reduces sex, an action between two loving people, to rudimentary pleasure. I simply can’t believe that this is a good thing for society. There needs to be a degree of modesty and chastity, for goodness sake. I also want to mention that I am not coming at this from a religious perspective",,12,awesomedude771,2024-01-12 20:30:40 PurplePillDebate,1964th5,Do men even like women anymore?,"It seems like a large population of men online don't like anything about women except for the fact that they can have sex with them. Everything I've seen basically culminates in them wanting a woman to be their mommy at home and just a hole to use. It's pathetic IMO. So do men even really like women anymore? **TO CLARIFY:** I am specifically calling the ideology being published online (as well as pushed through social media algorithms, and other various types of media) that men only wanting a woman to serve him similarly to the way a mother serves her child, and use them for their sexual gratification is a pathetic outlook to have on women and their position in society.",,0,gooseboy69420,2024-01-14 02:14:30 PurplePillDebate,195rp34,"What are your guys views on ""entitlement"" of sex in marriage?","More specifically, it is well accepted in redpill communities that men are not entitled to sex in marriage. Not because of bodily autonomy or coercion or something. Its because no one is entitled to anything and sex just comes in wider umbrella of anything. So wife is not entitled to your commitment or fidelity either. She will be entitled to what ever in divorce but thats a discussion for some other day. So I would like to think of having sex with wife like having sex with a woman who we just met, if rejection happens, no hard feelings. Also the rules of the game are same for a stranger and wife. So we need to flirt with wife, tease her, roleplay etc to make it fun etc. But then the question arises, if the same work is required for wife and another woman why not choose another woman. She will give him variety. Do wife have some kind of obligation to make sex easier for her husband? &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B;",,0,[deleted],2024-01-13 16:24:21 PurplePillDebate,194xput,Why do Western Women believe in casual relationships the most?,"Why is it that most people in the world, EXCEPT Western Women believe in finding long term relationships before 25 and not gaining body counts over 2 Sure some people will say ""I KnOw PeOPle outSiDe ThE WeSt WitH A HiGh BoDy CouNt"" But overall, most of the world including Western men don't support hoe phases Why is it that just women born in the West do? I think it must be a part of our human nature to not be promiscuous. The promiscuity of Western Women is nurture over nature",,20,Consistent-Gur6932,2024-01-12 15:28:13 PurplePillDebate,194v9zf,There's a viral phenomenon on social media (mainly tiktok) of porn bot sites stealing videos of women to pretend to be single lonely older women. What do you think of this trend?,"So recently there's an uptick of people mainly accounts within the manosohere or adjacent that post videos of seemingly normal women crying about being single in their 40s or how they cannot find a husband after hitting the wall. These videos without fail when posted tend to go viral as a lot people like to give their two cent. However, an interesting twist to this huge trend of older women crying about their lackluster dating lifes on tiktok is that most of videos are fake and instead are part of an advertising campaign for porn bot accounts. Here is one example that was posted on social media that went viral that's a recent example. There was community note pointing out it was fake after someone did some investigation work. [https://x.com/slatzism/status/1745528037406306625?s=46](https://x.com/slatzism/status/1745528037406306625?s=46) It turns out this is really common, someone else also did some investigate work and found there's a trend of these porn accounts stealing videos of unsuspecting women and writing fake scenarios on their videos about them being sad for older, single, childless, lonely etc. [https://x.com/bx\_on\_x/status/1745680187327389972?s=46](https://x.com/bx_on_x/status/1745680187327389972?s=46) [https://x.com/bx\_on\_x/status/1745680386158449019?s=12](https://x.com/bx_on_x/status/1745680386158449019?s=12) Anyways I found the whole thing interesting. Why do you think this a trend being employed by porn bots? And why do you think these videos tend go viral and are constantly being reposted?",,26,SapphireRising225,2024-01-12 13:39:07 PurplePillDebate,194zz0i,"If you woke up tomorrow as the opposite sex, and knew you would never go back, how would your views change?","Further, how would you feel about being expected to perform and live the role that you currently wish the opposite sex would play, whatever that may be? Edit: Assume that whatever your sexual orientation is now, changes to the opposite sex as well. ",,4,StatusSnow,2024-01-12 17:03:35 PurplePillDebate,194v6fo,"Since an amount of guys feel legalizing prostitution is the only way, can they protest the issue?","It has been said here before that guys want prostitution legalized who cannot get sex by other means and I was wondering if guys were to protest the issue in the streets pretty much could they eventually get it legalized? I would have thought no before but the defund the police movement actually worked and some states did it and getting cannabis legalized, worked... Now it has been said before here that a fair amount of guys have trouble getting sex because they are autistic, but this makes me wonder could guys use this to get the government to legalize prostitution since the government grants certain other services for autistic people? Would men be able to make a case for this successfully perhaps, especially if lots of protesting is involved?",,6,harmonica2,2024-01-12 13:34:21 PurplePillDebate,195jr05,What are your experiences or anecdotes of abusive women and did you or others find help after?,"I am asking this question as I see so much focus on abusive men and keeping men out of safe spaces. I think this is ridiculous as I've met plenty of male victims as well as female victims. I also don't believe men are the only group being abusive and in fact think we assume this because men don't admit being abused more than me are the main aggressors. Because from experience guys are not willing to show vulnerability like this because of societal pressure on them, and they re not even told they can be abused so many don't know till they tell someone about their ex that ""made them feel crappy"" I'm gonna leave some examples of some ways people can be abusive just incase but assume most of you don't need this - Verbal abuse (constant insults, manipulation, gas lighting ect) - Controlling behaviour (you cant have family or friends around, you must act this way, change things about yourself ect) - physical abuse (hitting, slapping, pinching, restraining, ect) - sexual abuse (unwanted physical contact and sexual activity) - financially (controlling money, using it as a way of entrapment)",,0,lilcrashmat,2024-01-13 08:50:34 PurplePillDebate,194ev1t,I am thoroughly confused by the current sexual landscape.,"This may sound dumb, but I am extremely confused by our current sexual landscape. Based on what I’ve read, observed, and experienced, we live in a world where: - Men are the ugly gender, women are the pretty gender -Women don’t find an overwhelmingly majority of men attractive -Men do find most women attractive -An unattractive man can only dream of being with an attractive woman, and if it happens, it’s rare. -Women highly value things such as height, looks, status, something most men don’t have -Men pedestalize women. Some can’t even have a conversation with one without anxiety taking over and some speak of women as if they’re godly and not just human -People of equal attractiveness are usually with each other. Average men are never with above average women, and vice versa. -Generally speaking, men are pursuing women more than the other way around -Women are highly selective of their men -Men are far more lonely than women, sexually and romantically -Most women are unattainable for most men But also a world where… -Women and men are starting families together -Men seem to know enough about women to attract them -Women are with men that, I’m assuming, not meeting their standards in *some* way -Promiscuous women exist -Most people have a strong drive to procreate -Men approaching women is seen negatively in some contexts (notably if he’s unattractive). -Casual sex is more common than ever Despite all of this, with some nuance in between, we ended up at 8.1+ billion. Im asking myself: if these things are true to varying degrees, how did we even get here? Is that because of men’s desire for women? Is it because men’s success is attractive enough to warrant procreation? How is sex simultaneously something most of the human race was able to have but something that is placed on such a high pedestal, especially by males? I know there are very complex answers to all of these questions, but any sort of explanation would help.",,39,BridgmansBiggestFan,2024-01-11 22:43:54 PurplePillDebate,195457w,Having a skillset or not?,"I've been pondering something and wanted to get your thoughts on it. With this idea that suggests that women should be untouched and virgins, what's your take on them practicing a skill like The Goh!ddess Method or pompoir? Is a woman who embraces and hones her sexuality from a personal perpective and not sharing it with other man considered high value for being confident in her desires and exploring her own pleasure, or is there still a stigma attached? Does working on your sexuality, even if it's not with other partners, affect how you perceive someone's value in a relationship? What do you think?",,0,SpreadsheetsnHeels,2024-01-12 19:56:33 PurplePillDebate,194f9cq,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, personal advice and memes in this thread. Here you can post everything that doesn't warrant its own thread or just do some socializing. Personal advice posting, research posts, non-TOS breaking rants, links to other locations with limited context as conversation topics, and things would be considered low effort posts are allowed in the daily thread. **Do not bring other PPD threads into the daily thread. Do not post PPD threads deserving of their own post in the daily thread.** The intent of the daily thread is not that it should replace PPD and become a place where users can avoid the rules of the subreddit. Attempting to do this will be considered circlejerking and moderated as such. **Black Pill/Incel Content/Woe-Is-Me is still banned in the daily thread. Witch hunting and insults are also still banned in the daily thread. Relegated topics must still go to in the weekly threads for those topics.** Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,14,AutoModerator,2024-01-11 23:00:09 PurplePillDebate,194issz,"Ladies (non-exclusively), what are your thoughts on population collapse?","This is in context to my post a few weeks back. I've been convinced men and women don't want to settle (and probably shouldn't). So my question is directed primarily at women but men are also welcome to chime in (hence the ""Discussion"" flair). My primary question is as follows: ""If men and women are not capable of settling for each other happily, are we content with watching birth rates collapse?"" I'm a transhumanist leaning towards posthumanism so I think AI, artificial gametes/wombs will pick up the slack of population collapse so it's all kinda not a big deal but I realize that's not a popular opinion and maybe a bit too dystopian for many. It feels like as this gender war wages on further, the trad-cons will more or less out-breed the progressive world view of ""my happiness is all that matters"" and hyper-peculiarity of current dating standards. So what say you all? Edit: The nihilism in the responses is quite enlightening. I'm really surprised but this is very enlightening. I tend to see all this societal decay as a result of political failures. I can see why Thiel - types have big out bunkers outside the US. ",,7,MOProG2,2024-01-12 01:36:10 PurplePillDebate,1943dwa,Why is categorical thinking so prominent in these spaces?,"It always seems like there are rules for life, with very few exceptions outside of those rules, little nuance or complexity. People are alphas or betas, women are not attractive beyond 30's, men are providers, men want youth, women value status, status is money, etc, even stats are presented with a high degree of ""this proves this right"" in a way which lacks nuance and in a this proves this right or wrong, which would make my life easier if the academic world did also but doesn't.... like why? Edit: well this is an interesting discussion so far!",,47,No-Calligrapher-3630,2024-01-11 14:46:55 PurplePillDebate,193ws60,"CMV: Dating for most men gets easier at 30 because they lack the sexual experience to realise , women's standards and desires for a relationship, marriage shift out of necessity.","If you go anywhere on the 4 corners of the internet in the past decade,you have endless discussions ,articles, movements, philosophies surrounding the current difficulties in getting sex and relationships for men. I'm 31 and and I've noticed something particularly odd. Most of my male contemporaries absolutely struggled to get any female attention in their 20s. Some got the occasional relationship, sexual experience every blue moon, but this was a means to an end. Then I had the one or two friends who were absolute slayers and this allowed me to observe the sexual battlefield in a different lens, but that's irrelevant for this posts. I've seen it, the guys finally meet a girl who puts out regularly, treats him like a king at first, whole 9 yards, and the average man finds this amazing because he's struggled so hard and this is his big break at consistent intimacy and attention. This happens in the 30s when men who've struggled to get anything meet someone who initially rocks their world not realising, this is the bare minimum lmao. They say dating got easier, no bruh, she can't lockdown the guys she use to fuck or got tired of it. Its crude to say, but is what it is. Women will absolutely marry someone they wouldn't have dated years ago, because he wasn't the hot guy and then disguise it as she's matured and found out there's more then looks....right She wants to get married and have kids to follow social norms, and you are stability because she knows you aren't going anywhere, because she instinctively knows from your behavior, she is the best you've ever had, and if you were to leave her, you'd be back to square one in the sexual landscape, searching for a drop of water in a dessert. That's why the sex dried up after you put the ring on, and her head hurts.",,155,neverendingplush,2024-01-11 08:22:00 PurplePillDebate,194fcdh,What’s the plan?,"I see lots of commentary on how unfair dating is and how thing would be so much more fair if X person would give Y person a chance or if there was simply a way to pair with the optimal person then things would be so much better for X or Y person. My question is this, what’s the plan once you finally get your optimal person. I didn’t say ideal because it seems that a lot of people are willing to concede some points. So what is the plan for the after? When you get in a relationship and it checks most of your boxes. Do you maintain the same cynicism or do you try your hardest to be optimistic that this thing has longevity? Do you work hard to be caring, committed and engaging or do you work from a space of cautious distance to not get your heart broken. I readily admit, at this point in my life, everyone is treated like the sting ray that killed Steve Irwin. So what’s your plan?",,5,bluepvtstorm,2024-01-11 23:03:21 PurplePillDebate,19562v2,Just because men are argued to have it “worst” in getting a girl doesn’t mean women can’t have it bad," People will generally agree that it’s men who usually have it worst when it comes to dating or getting a girl such as men saying they barely get matches on Tinder, and women get tons of matches and attention while men get none since women are mostly picky about who they’re with. While it could be true that women get more matches from men on dating apps, for whatever reason that is, that doesn’t mean women always have it easy when it comes to dating, or that men can never be an asshole. That also doesn’t mean every man is some dude who always falls in love with every girl he comes across; there’s dudes who obviously reject women too just like women rejecting men. There’s men, just like women, that instantly ghost you on dating apps. The problem with this way of thinking as always portraying women as having it easy to get guys is…people thinking that whenever a woman talks about a problem she’s having with dating, people tend to disagree with it since “men always have it harder in dating” and constantly get “rejected.” But there are women that get instantly rejected too. From my experience, I thought every dude would fall in love with me but that wasn’t the case. There were dudes who were obviously rude to me due to various reasons, and I didn’t even do anything rude to them. Also from my experience, i don’t have dudes falling for me like society tends to think. “Oh she gets 500 messages from dudes!!” No thats not the case at all with me",,0,Longjumping_Pop3208,2024-01-12 21:17:07 PurplePillDebate,193on1l,CMV: Dating apps are becoming the only socially acceptable way to get a relationship,"Want to ask out that cute girl you see at the library? Don't do that you weirdo, she's there to study and doesn't want to be bothered! Want to ask out one of your coworkers? Don't do that, it's unprofessional harassment! Want to ask out one of your female friends in your social circle? Don't do that, she's just your friend! Men are discouraged from all the normal ways of starting a relationship. Even though dating apps don't work for most men, it's still the only acceptable way to get a relationship these days. As a Gen Z guy, almost all my friends and family members who are in relationships met their S.O on an app",,96,Glass_Bucket,2024-01-11 00:57:59 PurplePillDebate,1942d22,Which historical women =did not survive because= they refused to marry anyone?,"I see references to this widespread phenomenon pop up regularly, you can for example look at several by googling *'site:reddit.com/r/purplepilldebate ""historically"" ""to survive""*: *""As we all know, women do not need to marry a provider* **to survive,** *because they are* **now** *free to work and earn money for themselves.""* - [24 days ago (post)](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/18l7bph/women_would_you_rather_be_rather_be_forced_to/) *""The irony is that we don't need marriage* **to survive** *anymore""* - [4 months ago (post)](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/16bkcci/sugar_daddy_relationships_are_closer_to_how/) **""the only way to survive** *was by marrying the man with the most money that you personally could""* - [7 months ago (comment)](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/13q6w6g/does_widespread_monogamy_require_economic/jlh5gcu/) *""So, naturally, now that women no longer require a romantic relationship with men* **in order to survive,""** - [1 year ago (post)](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/t8jdim/men_here_really_act_as_if_they_wouldnt_take/) *""Yes, women don’t need men* **just to survive anymore** *(thankfully)""* - [1 year ago (comment)](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/vvtaur/how_the_match_group_destroyed_dating/ifmpmwo/) So, can we please personalize this phenomenon and let the stories of these women be heard? Something like *""Abigail Spinster, born 1811, refused to marry her fourth cousin once removed Kletus Ferteel who proposed to her in 1833, and, destitute, she died of starvation in 1835; her younger sister Apolinaria Maria Theresa Spinster accepted Kletus as her husband, and died of old age many years later""*. #Or is this just a hyperbolized figure of speech referring to a phenomenon that is completely made up? Last time I asked for quantitative evidence for prevalence of [men having unofficial parallel families](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/18akbew/how_common_are_men_having_parallel_families/), and got none but anecdotes and celebrity nonsense. The bar is lower here; anecdotes are welcome. Flaring as Debate since I will be engaging and to relax the conditions for post neutrality. EDIT: Phewh, two hours in, Hooray to Economy-Shake-1448 for two most relevant and insightful comments thus far: [xxxxxxx](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1942d22/which_historical_women_did_not_survive_because/khd87uz/) [xxxxxxx](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1942d22/which_historical_women_did_not_survive_because/khd73j3/) EDIT2: **Nine hours in.** Things I learned ""despite this thread"" but also somewhat thanks to it: The US women had [equal right to inheritance shortly after the end of war for independence](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1942d22/which_historical_women_did_not_survive_because/khec0gp/), and quite probably are the only female demographic of a nation (or at least of a Common Law-adjacent one) that had this right more than 2 centuries ago and kept ever since. (srsly, I didn't know) [IFStudies](https://ifstudies.org/blog/1-in-4-projecting-childlessness-among-todays-young-women) has a page on historical prevalence of women never married by age 50, and this estimate starts at 1827 and never falls below 5% until 1925. Although I am aware that IFS is not a reliable source.",,6,abaxeron,2024-01-11 14:00:15 PurplePillDebate,194ha1l,Abusing Pornography for Men == Abusing Online Dating for Sexually for Women,"Roughly speaking; both practices are toxic, promoted by society as ""not harmful"", appeal to lower base urges, dehumanize the other gender, warps the sense of intimacy The rush a man who uses porn gets from having the accessibility of thousands upon thousands of women's bodies, picking what they look like down to the body part is not natural. The ability for a woman to open up her phone and have access to a variety of suitors in a 100 mile radius that they can cherry pick from is not natural. Don't fight me, and by natural I also mean these aspects corrupt our culture and ideas of intimacy in very similar ways. EDIT : I'd like to say, common trends include accessibility, corporate processing and the reliance on a larger corporation to deliver the intended experience to you, and the general lack of regular social circumstance while jumping to a desired, ideally long term aspect of life. Turning that into a repeatable and soulless process on a screen rubs me the wrong way and I think we should ban or regulate both",,0,AccountYesno,2024-01-12 00:26:51 PurplePillDebate,193mqvp,"The most important thing a man can bring to a woman, is attention (and sex)","Men are going around, thinking if they work hard enough and spend enough time away from their partners, they will somehow have a stable and healthy relationship Then they get surprised when rightly, the woman checks out of the relationship Call me insecure and untrustworthy all you want, i just like to take accountability. How else do you explain military dudes when their partner steps out on them? Oh, you want to spent months on end in some place with little to no communication capabilities? And then you want your woman to be supportive of the fact you could die and she'd have to be without a partner, because **you made the decision** to be as far away from her and your family as you possibly could? Yeah, thats definitely conducive to a healthy and stable relationship /s This scenario can be extrapolated to any situation where youre not giving your partner ample attention (or sex) **Now, i said most important, not the only important thing.**",,18,AdVictoriam-,2024-01-10 23:33:14 PurplePillDebate,193986c,Sex Robots will fix the dating market,"Let us be clear what's plaguing the market as of now. The number one problem is simps, then there are high standards of women, women looking for men with sex experience and the people looking for casual sex. When sex robots become a reality (not an if as we all know it is inevitable), the need for sex which the simps usually run after will cease to exist. The access to sex will decrease which will make them less thirsty and also less touch deprived. This will cause them not to throw away their standards and look for any woman to settle with. Now we come to the point of casual sex people. Usually it is a problem when a casual sex seeker meets someone who wants a long term relationship. As [shown](https://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/articles/1139859/what-sex-does-to-brain/), having sex causes emotional bonding and the ones who have a lot of casual sex [experience trouble bonding](https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/influence-multiple-partners-womens-pair-bonding-naaz-fatima/). So when a casual sex seeker meets someone of opposing view, usually they want to add them to their body count (not everyone but like playboys or Chads or hoes or gold diggers). This fucks up the other person who wants a long term relationship. It is possible that having sex robots might satiate their urge to look for new bodies to have sex and not spread the trauma. As having sex robots will seemingly take out a significant number from the dating market, and the men will no longer be as desperate, it is entirely possible that the unachievable standards that some women have on social media like the infamous 666 will cease to exist as there will be less simps for them to entertain and inflate their egos. It is also possible that the robots as they would be modeled on female anatomy will also give the men the sexual experience that most women ask for. It is the same situation of training of pilots on sims and then in the real world although the latter differs in a significant way. Let us be clear though, flying is definitely more complex than female anatomy and dangerous too so I doubt the difference of having sex with a robot and a woman willl be much of a difference. The only drawback that I can find is for people to adjust to sex robots as it will feel a lot of backlash int the start as people fear change same way as people are hating on automatics and EVs in the automotive market. The other point could be the standard for men, like the man who will have slept with more women will be respected more than the one who has had more sex robots.",,23,thedarkracer,2024-01-10 14:15:08 PurplePillDebate,193ki1d,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, personal advice and memes in this thread. Here you can post everything that doesn't warrant its own thread or just do some socializing. Personal advice posting, research posts, non-TOS breaking rants, links to other locations with limited context as conversation topics, and things would be considered low effort posts are allowed in the daily thread. **Do not bring other PPD threads into the daily thread. Do not post PPD threads deserving of their own post in the daily thread.** The intent of the daily thread is not that it should replace PPD and become a place where users can avoid the rules of the subreddit. Attempting to do this will be considered circlejerking and moderated as such. **Black Pill/Incel Content/Woe-Is-Me is still banned in the daily thread. Witch hunting and insults are also still banned in the daily thread. Relegated topics must still go to in the weekly threads for those topics.** Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,4,AutoModerator,2024-01-10 22:00:10 PurplePillDebate,1947cdp,"i’ve seen this idea tossed around that women are more susceptible than men to social trends - both genders are very susceptible to trends, let’s stop pretending its one sided","Claims that women primarily conform to social trends, that women ‘herd like sheep’, “all women are the same”, and even claims going as far as saying conformity is inherently feminine. Fact is, most people, regardless of gender, conform to social trends - and men are just as susceptible as women. Men’s fashion literally evolves with whatever the most successful rapper looks like, haircuts follow very clear trends, taste in music for a lot of men is very mainstream, and even male desired body types and behaviors all follow similar trends, what was trendy 5 years ago for men is very different to what’s trendy now - this goes for male behaviors as well. The redpill, for example, has gotten mainstream and whether the term is used or not, many (particularly masculine presenting men) all subscribe to it and parrot it. This even goes as far as men going to trendy places (mostly following the women who go there), and doing trendy activities (again, usually following women) Now, there isn’t anything inherently wrong with this (there may be things wrong with specific trends, but the act itself is something most humans engage in) - most people are conformists in so many ways and most people follow trends, what i am criticizing is this idea that women are somehow more susceptible or the idea that male thinking is at a higher frame of consciousness despite blindly following trends as well. It lacks self awareness.",,0,KayRay1994,2024-01-11 17:35:04 PurplePillDebate,1942nnb,Is it true that a good amount of women want alpha males to have some beta qualities?,"I am what you would call a beta male probably, over alpha. I have a gf and she tells me that her two friends will come to her and say that they wish that their boyfriends did things like I did for them that they considered more romantic compared to what their boyfriends do. Their boyfriends are more alpha for sure. But if more women are attracted to alpha males and not beta, why would they wish those alpha guys had some beta qualities therefore, out of curiosity? This makes me wonder if their criticisms of their boyfriends not being as romantic is legit therefore, if they do not like beta qualities? ",,0,harmonica2,2024-01-11 14:13:37 PurplePillDebate,193466h,Is it becoming a growing trend for women (and especially young women) to casually disrespect and sexually demean men they believe are less attractive than them with no provocation?,"This post is heavily inspired by [this video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Q3rPzzZJLs) which summarizes what is easily one of the most painful twitch streams I have ever encountered in my life (which probably doesn't mean much considering I despise twitch for a number of reasons that I won't get into right now). The stream comes from some nasty twitch e-girl with an obscenely bloated ego who sees fit to invite one of her mods on for what is basically an hours long bullying session where she relentlessly hammers into his head what a disgusting incel she thinks he is, claims that she would prefer to get back together with her ex indefinitely (who she claims to have been emotionally abusive) rather than date him for a mere six months, acts like kissing him is akin to spilling toxic waste into her mouth once she is forced to do it after the stream reaches its donation goal, and to add insult to injury after making it clear how much she personally finds him disgusting, also implies that he is also such a loser that no other woman would dare hook up with him in some strange attempt to demolish his self esteem before they head out to a club for whatever the fuck this event is. Now, while usually I would chalk this up to women on twitch being just a little more degenerate and sociopathic than they usually tend to be, the nature of Caitlin's unrelenting bullying here was such that it drew me to think that this is a behavior that seems to be growing frighteningly popular amongst many women, even seemingly normal ones both online and offline. Even outside of dating contexts, many women seem to feel the need to casually demean men that are not even particularly creepy or unlikable, but simply unattractive to them specifically, particularly in the manner of systemically destroying the sexual confidence of men however they possibly can. This is a behavior that, unfortunately, I have even seen on this subreddit and across many other corners of the internet that skew towards a female userbase, it's quite disturbing how many women who pride themselves on being progressive and forward thinking will immediately default to accusations of inceldom, repressed homosexuality and claiming that men they personally do not like have small penises or are short (which is body shaming by the way, but when confronted on this, they will say its not really about small penises or about being short, it's about the way these men *behave*...because it completely makes sense to talk about something entirely unrelated in someone's physical looks in order to call out their behavior), and even seems to transcend to real life with grown adult women who are somehow so socially stunted that [they throw toddler level tantrums](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hJ4Ct0zo7vE) simply from being approached by a man...in a public place...in broad daylight. So, my question is, has anyone else noticed this pattern of behavior growing more and more common these days? And if so, what could be the cause? Why do women seem to randomly want to ""humble"" men or intentionally make men feel bad in contexts were no creepiness or ill will was reasonably shown by the man? Are women at large simply rejecting treating men with politeness? Is there something that men as a whole have done to earn this treatment? What can potentially be done to change or fix that in that case?",,22,Hatefuleight-36,2024-01-10 09:12:24 PurplePillDebate,193yjew,"Contrary to popular belief, I think meek, beta guy and dominant woman can create successful marriages","Women should give meek, nice guys a chance because once kids are born the woman's priorities will shift anyway and this is the type of guy she would want. Instead what I have noticed is that many women chase selfish men because aloofness seems hot initially and because they're more of a challenge. Then when kids are born she finds out (surprise, surprise!) that these men are selfish, lazy fathers who don't help enough. Go for guys who are a bit meek, obedient, believe in the Christian slave morality. I have seen this dynamic work well for my mother and stepfather.",,0,Novel-Tip-7570,2024-01-11 10:24:24 PurplePillDebate,192yk3q,How do you rank the importance of these traits / factors in a potential partner?,"1. Compassion, kindness and empathy 2. Sense of humour and wit 3. Love language compatibility (flirting and showing affection the way you appreciate) 4. Chivalry and courtesy ( especially the old fashioned form) 5. Ambitions ( not just career ) 6. Intelligence (especially being quick to understand things) 7. World awareness and conscience for social causes etc 8. Physical attractiveness 9. Integrity (sticks to their word and convictions) and consistency 10. Career passion / Career prospects 11. Financial stability or prosperity 12. Independence and fortitude 13. Courageousness ( isn’t afraid to stand up for what they believe in ) 14. Humility and ego awareness 15. Aligning beliefs and views (political, religious, social) 16. Lifestyle and contextual alignment (living nearby? Has a dog? Have children? Would they mesh with your family? Do they have a similar timeline for when they might want to buy a house or have a kid?) 17. Aligning hobbies, interests, and tastes e.g both into working out, similar taste in music, both dress like goths etc 18. Social alignment (can you talk forever? Does it feel effortless to hang out with them? introversion vs extroversion? Do they enjoy being in the lime light or the background?) 19. Dating and sexual history ( never dated, had many casual partner, been married etc) 20. Sexual compatibility (sex drive, preferences, fetishes ) 21. Impulsivity and craziness ( never boring but possibly destabilising and exhausting ) 22. Openness and clear communication 23. Healthy relationships ( what their friends are like, their relationship with friends and family members) 24. Skills (cooking, handyman work etc) 25. Their apparent level of interest in you ( is it mild? are they a bit obsessed with you? does it fluctuate?) 26. Compatible Attachment styles (do they need time alone or constant reassurance? Are they a bit avoidant or anxious etc?) I know they’re a bit arbitrary and you don’t need to rank them all but just rank the top few or which ones would be dealbreakers for you",,11,StaticNocturne,2024-01-10 03:36:19 PurplePillDebate,192rjpb,I Think There's Room for a Men's Liberation Front - Let's Talk About It,"I think the discourse around equality in society has gotten - *admirably* \- deep in the weeds at this point. We're (moooostly) beyond talking about basic shit like ""the majority shouldn't oppress the minority"" and ""making assumptions about people because of their demographic is prejudice"". Or in the least, most of us have heard these arguments, even if different people have different opinions on where to draw the line. With that said, I think ""Men"" as a demographic have fallen behind - partially because, in prior centuries, ""men"" occupied most positions of power, so by COMPARISON, minorities and women had to work and fight to catch up. (And, to be clear, they will probably have to continue to fight, to *keep* the advancements they've made.) But what should men be fighting for? (I think) that probably the most compelling battles would be: * Length of jail terms/Gender-affected Treatment - *People should be jailed based on their crime, not their demographic. Also car insurance rates being higher for men ect.* * Expectation to be more comfortable with violence and danger - *Going to war, killing spiders, expected to be able to fight other men on the street ect.* * Expectation to have low standards - *Expectation that men have to be more comfortable being dirty, sleeping on the floor, doing gritty, painful, or 'nasty' work.* * Expectation to be stoic and rational - *Men should be allowed to have non-violent emotional expression the same as women, not shamed for being scared or sad or anxious ect.* **ON TOXIC MASCULINITY:** I for the sake of discussion, I'll say clearly that my definition of ""Toxic Masculinity"" is the belief that there is a form of SOCIALLY-DEFINED 'masculinity' that requires men to engage in harmful behaviors, LIKE the items listed above. Since this is such a ticklish term for so many, I would put forward one more item: * BENEVOLENT MASCULINITY needs to be better defined as an alternative - *so that there are examples of masculine behavior that men can be proud of, instead of ONLY having behaviors that are ""bad"" that men have to avoid or else they're also bad*. **Just as there were many women in the past who opposed women's liberation, there will be many MEN who oppose these sorts of changes.** Some out of ignorance, some out of their own prejudice, some because THEY have benefited from these institutions being upheld, some out of shame or embarrassment because they have internalized these things as a point of pride and don't know what they'd do if they lost it. I think the LEAST compelling argument that men should probably distance ourselves from are: * Requiring women change their behavior to make men's lives easier - *Requiring other demographics to cater to you just because they're not YOUR demographic is seeking a system of oppression... where you're on top.* * Eliminating No-Fault Divorce: *Women are not the only people who want to get divorced. There are also men in toxic, unhealthy relationships that aren't overtly abusive, and if those men want to divorce, they should ALSO be free to do so.* I'm sure I missed a bunch of stuff, but let's go over it.",,29,Gravel_Roads,2024-01-09 22:22:46 PurplePillDebate,192z1vb,Why do a lot of women say that men like b*tc3s?,"Excuse the language, but I just don't see it for myself as a guy. I don't want to deal with someone difficult when I don't have to, and all my guy friends seem to agree. To me this comes off as projection, since I can see how a type A personality guy would be attractive to women, but when you change the genders I can't really see a guy being seduced by a type A personality woman. (Using personality type A in lieu of ""bitch"" since I think that they are more or less along the same spectrum on personality types, even tho I think you can be type a w/o being a jerk/bitch). As a guy, all things being equal, if I had a choice between two women I would not go for the ""bitch"", but rather someone easy going. Can anyone explain thus? Why do women have that false idea that guys prefer difficult women? It has to be projection, but I'm open to hearing from this subreddit. Thanks in advance!",,4,scrawnyserf92,2024-01-10 04:02:42 PurplePillDebate,193hj5t,"Contrary to what the Internet and Hollywood makes you belief, why does it seem Cougars are a minority and most women don’t want to date men their age nor younger than themselves?","Hey guys, This is based on a lot of “Cold approaching” of myself and other friends. I notice that many women in their mid 20’s did not want to date guys their same age but wanted men who were significantly older. Likewise as you go up the women’s age of the same pattern repeats. We see the world from the “Female Gaze” so this topic is not as talked about. However, it’s real. In my opinion many women in mid to late 20’s are sort of over parting want a “larger than life” lifestyle. ",,0,Marcel_7000,2024-01-10 20:00:33 PurplePillDebate,193nn5a,"Q4M: When it comes to “education around consent,” do you feel like boys and men “don’t understand consent” or that “they don’t care if they have consent”?","From adult men and women alike, I hear “we have to have more education around consent” whenever something comes up regarding boys and men committing sexual assault. But at this point, I don’t think boys and men don’t understand the concept — they don’t care. They made a choice that what they craved in the moment was more important than the other person’s protestation or lack of consent. Because plenty of girls and women seem to understand the concept just fine. Unless we’re claiming boys and men are uniquely dumber, I think they understand just fine. They are choosing to do what they want to do. **What do you think?** “Children are committing 18 rapes a DAY and 15,000 rapes and sex attacks every year, shocking report finds as police warn sexual violence has been 'normalised' by online pornography” [according to this DailyMail headline.](https://x.com/mailonline/status/1744896600390938643?s=46) The meat of the article clarified that it’s not “children,” but mostly boys: > Although 82 per cent of perpetrators are male, the report identified groups of girls under the age of 18 taking part in sexual communication and indecent images of children offences. The article is putting the blame on pornography, but that suggests that boys 20 years ago or 30 years ago or 100+ years ago weren’t doing the same things to their female peers and kin, which I highly doubt. Was probably worse, albeit underreported then. Finally, why is this an affliction of boys and men? Why aren’t girls and women compelled to assault boys and men at equal rates? Is it testosterone? **What do you think it is?** **inb4**: This is obviously not “all” men or “all” women. This is an assessment of observed gendered patterns. ",,0,GridReXX,2024-01-11 00:11:54 PurplePillDebate,192f6zz,What is the appeal of casual sex for women?,"I can understand the appeal for men as for them having casual sex is very difficult, they're 100% going to orgasm, no pregnancy and no shame for being a ""slut"". But why do women? You are probably not going to orgasm or enjoy it much, you could even be assaulted... then there's the risk of pregnancy and higher risk of STDs. Wouldn't having sex in a commited relationship, or even just simply masturbating be a better option? And also please engage in a discussion instead of just leaving a comment like ""I don't do it, so idk"". Seen a lot of women do that.",,58,-snickerss-,2024-01-09 13:52:45 PurplePillDebate,192lf56,Texting a girl: Keep it short and simple or she will run!,"I saw a TikTok about a girl texting a nice guy vs the guy she chases **Nice Guy** *Girl*: Baby I'm feeling insecure *Nice* *Guy*: Baby, please don't feel insecure. You are a beautiful queen and there is nothing wrong with you. I love you so much baby and together we're gonna build the best life together. Keep your head up my queen &#x200B; &#x200B; **Guy She Chases** *Girl*: Baby I'm feeling insecure *Guy*: Ohh ok *Girl*: Yeah, I feel like my body isn't hot enough *Guy*: I see *Girl*: Yeahh *Guy*: Wyd *Girl*: Listening to music. Wbu? *Guy*: Nothing &#x200B; **Analysis** \- Girl leaves nice guy on read and his attention gives her NO tingles because he just dumps it all on her \- Girl leads the convo with the bad boy. Every message of his induced a good kind of anxiety in her. She would wonder if his next text will give her attention or not. None of his texts actually gave her the attention she WANTED, however just the fact that he was texting her was enough to give her butterflies **Women always say that they want a man they can talk to for hours, but women already believe that they can get any guy to give them that much attention. It's very rare for a woman to experience next to no attention from a guy** What are you opinions?",,24,Consistent-Gur6932,2024-01-09 18:18:50 PurplePillDebate,192bvw4,People here exaggerate the hate that age gap relationships get. If you're so sensitive that a few comments get you then don't be in an age gap relationship,"I am a 30 yo woman dating someone 13 years older. Literally nobody cares. Unless you're dating a literal teenager or there's a weird dynamic going on, it's highly unlikely that people will give you shit for it. ""but someone on twitter said something"". Twitter is filled with children, trolls and shut-ins with very little life experience. Same with Tiktok, many commenters are literal kids. It's probably for the best if kids think age gap relationship are creepy if it prevents grooming. If you're so insecure about your relationship then maybe don't be in an AGR.",,76,Novel-Tip-7570,2024-01-09 10:41:11 PurplePillDebate,192pgj4,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, personal advice and memes in this thread. Here you can post everything that doesn't warrant its own thread or just do some socializing. Personal advice posting, research posts, non-TOS breaking rants, links to other locations with limited context as conversation topics, and things would be considered low effort posts are allowed in the daily thread. **Do not bring other PPD threads into the daily thread. Do not post PPD threads deserving of their own post in the daily thread.** The intent of the daily thread is not that it should replace PPD and become a place where users can avoid the rules of the subreddit. Attempting to do this will be considered circlejerking and moderated as such. **Black Pill/Incel Content/Woe-Is-Me is still banned in the daily thread. Witch hunting and insults are also still banned in the daily thread. Relegated topics must still go to in the weekly threads for those topics.** Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,7,AutoModerator,2024-01-09 21:00:10 PurplePillDebate,193nx1z,Is cheating in women ultimately a matter of time and place?,"One time I went to a small town in Ontario. The gas station convenience store was LITERALLY the size of a small kitchen. No joke. The cashiers were a man and a woman. They were pretty much squished up there together. They were not married to each other That got me thinking. Imagine that woman is married. Now imagine it's a long day at work, barely any customers coming by and she is suddenly horny. Since it's a very tightly packed convenience store, the man and the woman will be close to each other alot. Imagine she is leaning over the counter to rest, and the man walks behind her. While she is in her horny mood, she thinks about the man's presence behind her. She may not be a cheater, but in that moment of horniness she might imagine having sex with him Now imagine in that moment the man makes a move, or they accidentally touch. She will be overtaken by lust and at the very least indulge his touching for a few seconds. If it doesn't go further, this event will always be in her mind whenever she is horny at work next. She won't tell her husband because ""It was just an accident, nothing big"" Eventually she might cheat. She won't immediately cease all horny thoughts. She won't tell the guy that this is inappropriate. She will ignore it and hope it doesn't happen again... that is until it happens again Due to the privacy of their workspace, their physical closeness and the long hours before she can have sex with her husband, she will get horny and cheat. I'm not saying ALL women will cheat, but they WILL think about it. Trust me Now please, instead of replying emotionally, let's talk about it. Why do so many of these workplace cheating instances happen? It can also boil down to how men and women orgasm. If a man is horny and tempted to cheat, he can just go jerk off in his car If a woman is horny and tempted to cheat, she can't easily masterbate so she will need to actually have sex",,0,Consistent-Gur6932,2024-01-11 00:24:12 PurplePillDebate,1929mg1,"Many people talk about toxic masculinity, but we rarely hear about toxic femininity.","""Toxic femininity"" is more common than people think, it's just that it takes a different form to ""toxic masculinity"". While toxic masculinity takes the form of aggression, toxic femininity takes the form of passivity. Which is why most women rarely take the initiative, especially when it comes to dating and relationships. So women's passivity in dating feeds men's aggressiveness. This passivity also makes it really easy for the powers that be to oppress women (which they have historically) and also easy for manipulative men to control them. While ""toxic masculinity"" takes the form of men suppressing their emotions and trying not to express them especially in relationships, ""toxic femininity"" tends to make women not have much control over their emotions (I'm sure many women will be triggered by this even though its true), which also encourages them to manipulate men with their lack of control over their emotions because once a woman starts crying, most men do whatever they can to make them stop, especially if they're in a relationship with them. ""Toxic femininity"" and ""toxic masculinity"" are both results of social conditioning designed to keep men and women divided and always fighting each other, which makes it really easy for the people in charge to control humanity, believe it or not.",,56,Agreeable-Moment-760,2024-01-09 08:01:42 PurplePillDebate,1922quk,Debating women's preferences won't lead to women changing them,"Debating women on their preferences won't lead to women changing them. I get that this is a debate forum but i cringe seeing so many men on here daily wasting hours debating women on their hard wired and often biological preferences. Guys, you can argue till you're blue in the face or red all over but it will not change a thing. Modern women's desires, preferences and choices are there own and no amount of pseudoscience, statistics or psychoanalysis will change this. If you have the wrong height, race, build, religon, status or income level you will never be able to logically talk a woman that doesn't want you into dating you or sleeping with you. The most you can do is to show her the benefits of being with you but even that has to be tempered because you don't want to create a dynamic where you are always chasing her validation. This is the biggest problem with men today. We are spending too much time complaining instead of taking action and finding out what works for each individual guy. I though that was what the red pill was supposed to be about, an avenue for men to get the results we desire. Instead it's just rage porn and complaining about women all day long. In 2024, let's do better and leave the pointless arguments behind",,150,Wide-Illustrator2906,2024-01-09 01:51:16 PurplePillDebate,1923ni5,Why attempt to change your partner’s lifestyle rather than just finding someone who matches yours?,"I see this sentiment thrown around a lot in this sub specifically. “When she’s dating me she has to stop clubbing, dressing provocatively, etc” - one thing that always confused me about this is, why try to change someone’s lifestyle? why not straight up just date someone who either dresses modestly, doesn’t like clubbing, doesn’t believe in friends of the opposite sex, etc? All of these preferences mentioned are fine in themselves, but it becomes odd when you expect others to change their lifestyle to fit your preferences.",,55,KayRay1994,2024-01-09 02:33:13 PurplePillDebate,192sb6n,Hypothetical: Consent and Conception,"**The Illogical Conundrum of Consent, and Conception** *Preface: I'm a proponent for Freedom of Choice, and Bodily Autonomy.* Take two parties. They go on a date. Dinner. Drinks. One party gets drunk, the other party not so much. Sex occurs. Conception follows. Question 1: At what point is consent a factor? Pre-inebriation? Post? Pre-coitus? Post? Is consent a factor all the way to conception? *Post?* Question 2: At what point post conception does the more inebriated person either have, or not have responsibility for the decision? For the outcome? The pivotal difference **in this commonly occurring hypothetical** is sex. Interchange sexes. Are the rights of both parties *equal?* If not, should they be? Is the issue consent? Does one or both parties consent to sex *only*, with the potential of conception? Or not? What if one party cannot, or does not consent? Does this factor influence the outcome? Should it? I stand by my previous post, and the other recent post on this. The primary reason is **post conception, consent is only a factor for one party.** Especially in context to something so potentially life altering. **That’s not Equality.** If you think it is, please share why. *Godspeed and good luck!* ",,0,TheRedPillRipper,2024-01-09 22:53:40 PurplePillDebate,191ya34,"Women who complain about dating, is it incorrect to say they are at fault?","I was in the dating advice sub and I came across many many posts from females which are extremely similar. Usually it's along the lines of ""I Give up on dating!"" and the post is about how they are tired of men ghosting them. Here is a recent post, to 140 upvotes; [https://www.reddit.com/r/dating\_advice/comments/191j8ik/single\_black\_woman/](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/191j8ik/single_black_woman/) TLDR; ""I can honestly say that now I’ve officially been on 200+ first dates over the course of my life and little has come of it. I’ve been in so many situationships with a clear feeling that no one wants to commit or sees me as anything more."" Many comments support her and blame 'modern dating' I just personally cannot comprehend how someone can do this and keep getting the same results. How do they not self reflect, take some accountability, adjust their standards or behaviour to find a partner? How can they continually go on date after date and find themselves in ""situationships"" and then continue to blame men/'modern dating'. Is it wrong to say this is the women's fault? ",,66,ShelterNo2786,2024-01-08 22:35:56 PurplePillDebate,1925car,"No, romance was not a modern invention","A lot of influencers today are using the raise in romantic literature to say that romance is a made up invention, usually by low-value men, to convince higher value women to mate. I don't know how true that is, but I don't think romance is modern at all. In ancient Greek story of the War of Troy, the war is basically about a woman with such beauty that kings and princes are fighting a war for her, Helen. You may say this is not really romance, but you can see there is already a passional element in relationships here. It was not just transactional, even when most royal arrangements were as such. I think the main differences between modern romance and ancient romance are these: 1. Ancient romance came *after* the basics. A woman needed to marry to survive and be taken cared of, and have children... and romance was a good to have, but not necessary. What was important is to keep the family and your stability there, and for men it was status and sex. Today this dynamic is inverted... romance is required *first*, the feelings, and then responsibilities of couple are well defined and established. It is an inversion, but it is the same thing. Still, you could argue the way of the past is still around in ""hooking up"" time. 2. Ancient romance was unapologetically passional. It was about physical beauty of the woman, heroism or wealth of the man, status, etc. Romance today often sees passion and lust as too carnal to be included in ""love"". Love now is like a layer on top of that rather than part of that. 3. Ancient romance was less individualistic. Today there is almost no way someone would say ""I choose to marry because my family"" as a good thing, but in the past it was seen as a service to your tribe / family, and probably it was important enough to influence how you see the relationship. ",,16,EuphoricBrightTipper,2024-01-09 03:54:28 PurplePillDebate,192njrg,Many men seem to not be interested in promiscuous women. What are the positives?,"Promiscuity is judged as a negative. Are there any arguments or facts that show promiscuity in a positive way, or a positive for a man? Edit: not sure what about this question is being ratioed.",,0,Geselshaft,2024-01-09 19:43:32 PurplePillDebate,191xqtt,"Women of PPD: would you consider it strange if a male friend/relative asked you to set him up with one of your friends? (Not a specific one, just a friend in general).","Firstly, I have no intention of doing this. I'm just curious how people view it. Namely, a man asking his female friend or relative if they have any single female friends they could set him up on a date with. Said female friend could also be the girlfriend of one of his brothers or friends. I saw this mentioned on PPD some time ago, and it seemed that American members of the sub thought this was normal. I'm from the UK, and the consensus from my friends/family (I didn't ask them to do it for me, I mentioned reading about it online and asked if it seemed weird to them) is that it's weird and/or creepy behaviour on the part of the man. So, I decided to ask the ladies of PPD. I have my own hypothesis, namely that in more conservative cultures it's more normal than in the West, and that women would probably feel better setting up their siblings than their friends (since they know for sure their siblings are good people and maybe have some biological drive to see their siblings having kids). Curious to see what the responses are- feel free to elucidate why/discuss in the comments :)",,6,TheImmortalBantha,2024-01-08 22:13:53 PurplePillDebate,191uct2,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, personal advice and memes in this thread. Here you can post everything that doesn't warrant its own thread or just do some socializing. Personal advice posting, research posts, non-TOS breaking rants, links to other locations with limited context as conversation topics, and things would be considered low effort posts are allowed in the daily thread. **Do not bring other PPD threads into the daily thread. Do not post PPD threads deserving of their own post in the daily thread.** The intent of the daily thread is not that it should replace PPD and become a place where users can avoid the rules of the subreddit. Attempting to do this will be considered circlejerking and moderated as such. **Black Pill/Incel Content/Woe-Is-Me is still banned in the daily thread. Witch hunting and insults are also still banned in the daily thread. Relegated topics must still go to in the weekly threads for those topics.** Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,8,AutoModerator,2024-01-08 20:00:10 PurplePillDebate,191bqye,"Why push for a relationship, marriage and even kids when you are fundamentally unable to trust your partner?","This primarily goes out to the guys demanding mandatory paternity testing, or guys who actively insist that a hypothetical future gf/wife shouldn’t dress provocatively, go clubbing, have male friends and in extreme cases, not put photos on social media (and note, i’m not mentioning these things as standards or lifestyle differences, but rather, the entire philosophy of ‘it opens the door to opportunities to cheat’ that i’ve seen thrown around here). If your concern of her cheating on you, or if your faith in a potential relationship is so fickle, why aim for one? Even if you were to end up with a woman with matching values, if your fundamental concern is opportunities to cheat or a lack of trust, odds are you’d find something else to attempt to limit or be suspicious about. So what i’m asking is at a fundamental level - if you are unable to trust your partner’s word or have faith in a relationship, why still push for one or demand that women fit your behavioral limits? is it not easier, or even healthier for yourself and others to willingly not engage in such an intimate thing?",,36,KayRay1994,2024-01-08 03:50:34 PurplePillDebate,191l0c3,I think offering money to women is so effective that they make it illegal.,"One of the trope that feminists say is that women do not want to be paid. Well, some do not want money. And that's precisely why rich men should just offer money. I find feminists are disgusting. And a good way to ensure that my girlfriend is not feminist is to offer money. If she refuses then I just dodge a bullet. And it works for me. I got prettier smarter women. They got far a far richer guy that don't run away once they got knocked up. It's win win. What do you think? In my country you can do this without fear of getting caught. Prostitution is legal. Only pimping is not allowed. You can even offer money so smart pretty women give you children. That way you're not wasting time and money on those who are not pretty, not smart, don't like you, or demand nonsense like marriage When I figured this out, I wouldn't go the normal way. Now, I am no longer wasting time and money dealing with difficult women that is not pretty enough or not smart enough or feminists or don't like me for any reason. She doesn't want to be paid, I moved on to another woman. I got 2 smart pretty ones and that's enough. Oh this is no longer dating advice. I believe the reason why paying for sex is illegal is not because no women want it. It's because if it were legal then too many women would want it that poor guys can't get laid. Also ugly women can't get paid a lot of money and are envy toward sugar babies. In other words, offering money to women is so effective they make it illegal. &#x200B;",,6,Calm-Cry4094,2024-01-08 13:17:04 PurplePillDebate,192isfq,"Do you think young girls need to bring back the 90 day rule, or even more extreme like wait until marriage?","If you would please when you answer give your age/sex/martial status. I'm 38/Male/Married. It is obvious to me this would fix so much. Now, of course, it is hard to change this because you have poor Fathers who are not leaders of their house. You have these feminist Mothers raised or educated by hippies who were by definition ""whores"" whether that insults you or not. It is true. I remember when the whole ""sow your wild oats"" thing was taking over and thinking ""gross"". Shows like ""sex in the city"" destroying a generation of young girls who are now Mothers, and Teachers giving the same bad advice they were given. Then the cherry on top is the fact Women giving young Women terrible advice. It's Women who will leave your ass if you try to do the 90 day rule. They will go f* someone else. Young Women need to bring back the 90 day rule, or imo make it 6 months. 90 day rule is no sex in the first 90 days of dating.",,0,PowerGlove-it-so-bad,2024-01-09 16:32:56 PurplePillDebate,191k2y5,"Why is when it comes to age gap relationships, people assume there must be an agenda with the couple?","I feel like the RP has made it worse, as they say to go for age gap relationships because of an agenda. But when it comes to the talk of age gap relationships here, it seems that the assumption is that there must be an agenda for why the couple would go for it. However, I know a couple of people in age gap relationships, as well as my own, and all three couples weren't boycotting people their own age specifically, and just happened to know each other through other circumstances and started dating that way. I met my gf at work, and the other two couples met through work related situations as well, and knew each other for some time, before going out. It doesn't seem they were specifically targeting a certain age, and nor was I. Plus I had a years before, that was older than me so I am definitely up for dating other ages, and not boycotting at all. So I feel a lot of couples just happen, with who you know. But a lot of times here when age gap relationships are discussed, people assume there must be an agenda, especially since the RP has made it worse by wanting to date certain ages only, because of an agenda. But is it really so hard for a lot of people to believe that sometimes people just meet accidentally, know each other for a few months or years and then start dating as a result?",,4,harmonica2,2024-01-08 12:25:27 PurplePillDebate,190uo34,Female Behavior Rewards Manipulative Men Who Play The Field Or Date Downwards,"There is no faster way to get rejected and ghosted as a man than to go for women who are equally or more attractive than yourself and then focus on her and be straightforward and honest. I wrote this post because I consider myself to be very honest, but realize after certain situations I could have spoken less. I will always continue to be honest but in a much more tactical way. The vast majority of times women reward the exact type of honest man they say they want: with absolutely nothing. The man won’t get a relationship, won’t get sex, won’t get reciprocated interest, and he might not even get a first date and will likely be ghosted on the very first text that wasn’t perfect and sounded even slightly awkward and creepy. The reasons for this are simple. Attractive modern women in their prime, female adults under 35/40, often have nearly endless male options and endless attention. The nature of women is to be hypergamous: to date up and choose only the best men. But contrary to what you might think women don’t tend to do this with logic: they think with emotion. If you don’t create tingles with a woman, spark her emotions, she will rapidly lose interest. Men who focus on one attractive woman and are completely honest about everything will fail almost every time. Because they fail to generate emotion. They are boring, their shit only works in blue pilled Hollywood movies. In reality they are home alone and ghosted after sending a text. The men who succeed are the men who generate attraction. These men are often manipulative, not always in a bad way though. They cast a wide net, talk to many women so that they have options and don’t care as much about flakes and rejections. They tell women what they want to hear instead of the complete truth. They don’t always lie, but simply say the right things and withhold saying the wrong things (honest truths are often an attraction killer). Their behavior innately becomes attractive to women because they have many female options, are not needy or reactive, say and do the right things. Attractive Women reward manipulative men with options and punish honest men who focus solely on them. This is why there is saying: if you want to know how to catch a fish, never ask a fish, ask a fisherman. Most things women say they want in men are coming from a position of idealistic fantasy. They are imagining a man whom they are already attracted to, and then describing a fantasy version of him where he is focused on her and honest. But in reality men like that are ghosted the vast majority of time because they do not generate attraction in the first place. Become the man that women actually reward. Either be brutally honest at all times but date down (women objectively less attractive than yourself) or up your game with attractive women by maxing your looks/money/status and then learning how to cast a wide net across many attractive women and then be manipulative (say and do the right things (ideally honestly and without lying but using mutually beneficial manipulative tactics ie: game) because that’s what women reward in the real world. ",,113,Sabrepill,2024-01-07 15:32:46 PurplePillDebate,1912x2y,Women of PPD. Do you encourage your male friends to shoot their shot with women/ approach? Why or why not?,"I mean I assume you guys have a pretty decent circle of males in your life that are single. But if you aren't in a circle of men that doesn't have alot of single males than maybe this post doesn't tailor to you.. This could be for your guy friends, your brothers, cousins, uncles, etc. Like do you encourage guys to be proactively with making the first moves on women? If you do then explain why. If you don't then why don't you?",,25,Vegetable-Rub3418,2024-01-07 21:20:44 PurplePillDebate,190v1db,Do you think women should be able to be sued or convicted of a crime for paternity fraud?,"I soft launched this question [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1905slf/daily_community_chat_megathread/kgqm5eb/), but I wanted to expand on it in a post. Any woman *could* plead ignorance, but there is a due diligence expectation that if a child COULD have more than one father, the mother should be legally required to establish paternity otherwise she'll be fined once the truth comes out. And the conviction can be public record so men in the future can learn if a woman committed paternity fraud. But a good point that /u/katatonicsnake noted, women can simply plead the fifth, and answer no questions regarding who they had sex with. But then I think you'd still *default* to having to pay a fine and be convicted simply based on the evidence that the child does not belong to the presumed father, and the woman failed to establish paternity on her own. There are so many other illegal forms of fraud, it does seem surprising that paternity fraud is not treated the same way. It does seem like the legal needs of the mother and child supersede the fraud that was committed in the eyes of the government. Maybe there's a utilitarian argument that those priorities result in a more ***productive society.*** And this is coming from someone whose perspective is remains that asking your wife or partner for a paternity test is akin to accusing them of cheating and lying, and ultimately is bad for the overall health of a relationship. So really this is just me brainstorming how the government can *actually* be useful as a deterrent, while not subjecting innocent women to it.",,61,Slipthe,2024-01-07 15:49:47 PurplePillDebate,190wree,Are you sure you're aware of the consequences of men stoicly accepting being single,"https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1903sxj/fun_hypothetical_here_are_some_options_you_can/ I asked this question and a huge number of women picked that option. You do realize that this increases the amount of effort you need to attain the man that you want and it increases the chance of the man you currently have to leave justifiably or **unjustifiably**. So my question for the ladies here are you sure you're aware of the consequences of this? Personally, this option is fine for me, since I'm a man, but I'm just thinking from another perspective.",,38,EveningEveryman,2024-01-07 17:06:02 PurplePillDebate,190pg3z,Should paternity tests be mandatory?,"Logically it makes sense, people should know if they have children. I would argue that with the immense financial (as well as emotional and time consuming) burden that is associated with raising children, people should know from the get go if the kid is biologically theirs or not. It logically and morally makes sense to me. On the other side, arguments can be made that society and children at large would suffer if this was to take place. Wondering what your views are on this. I’m really interested in the youngin’s views on this.",,52,Ylduts,2024-01-07 10:37:12 PurplePillDebate,1910mz3,Is it biologically easier for guys to lower their standards compared to women?,"It seems that's the case as most guys have no problem dating an average woman, and that is more than enough for them. However, women seem to have a much harder time lowering their standards, at least according to analyses on here. If this is true, is it more biologically difficult for women to lower their standards therefore, or is it because of societal pressure, and women are socially more shamed for lowering their standards compared to men, and that is why they find it more difficult to do so, if that's the case?",,9,harmonica2,2024-01-07 19:49:16 PurplePillDebate,190vb7h,Is there a stigma to dating foreigners where you’re from?,"Is there a stigma for dating a foreigner where you’re from? I assume nobody cares in real life but I see some folks who get uneasy and assume that the person can’t get anyone in the native country or even just using the foreigner or foreigner using the native. I was a product of this type of relationship where my mom and dad are different nationalities and cultures and they’re still together after 30 years. Just curious everyone’s thoughts.",,17,Chebbieurshaka,2024-01-07 16:02:16 PurplePillDebate,190zh10,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, personal advice and memes in this thread. Here you can post everything that doesn't warrant its own thread or just do some socializing. Personal advice posting, research posts, non-TOS breaking rants, links to other locations with limited context as conversation topics, and things would be considered low effort posts are allowed in the daily thread. **Do not bring other PPD threads into the daily thread. Do not post PPD threads deserving of their own post in the daily thread.** The intent of the daily thread is not that it should replace PPD and become a place where users can avoid the rules of the subreddit. Attempting to do this will be considered circlejerking and moderated as such. **Black Pill/Incel Content/Woe-Is-Me is still banned in the daily thread. Witch hunting and insults are also still banned in the daily thread. Relegated topics must still go to in the weekly threads for those topics.** Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,8,AutoModerator,2024-01-07 19:00:10 PurplePillDebate,1902xbz,I Think It’s Okay To Reject A Girl Based On Her Weight.," If a guy rejects a girl based on her weight, it’s put in the same category as height, these are two completely unrelated factors, as height discrimination is worse. Look if you reject a guy based on his height, be my guest I’m not gonna knock people’s preferences, but weight discrimination, has a little more legitimacy, fatness shows a lot of negative traits, like a lack of composure, self control and it’s also glutinous, and I’m sure they’re men who accept fat women, and I do believe love conquers all, but still a man or woman, would need to take in those factors and see if it’s beneficial in the long run. Height doesn’t really affect certain social aspects of a person other than physicality, plus you can’t change, your height so that’s similar to dismissing someone based on race or hair colour or eye colour etc. it’s fine if you feel that way, but weight should not get lumped in with static physical attributes, like height, I’m mostly targeting this towards women, because I’ve been told many times, that it’s “discrimination” to dismiss women because of their weight. Look is it unfair, yeah but is it the same as race and height absolutely not, go to the gym, eat less, diet, exercise, balance out your calorie intake and drink sparkling water, your weight loss journey begins, give it 4 - 7 months and your good to go, depending on your weight of course, but comparing this to height is a farce at best, this is something a lot of men have to deal with, and it truly sucks, but don’t rub salt on the wound by comparing Lisa’s rejection of Tom because of his height to Tom’s rejection of Lisa, because of her weight, one has a lot more credence, than the other, and this is coming from someone who’s a 187 centimetres in height, it isn’t a problem for me but, I’m a man who tends to sympathise.",,259,Ceazer4L,2024-01-06 15:54:57 PurplePillDebate,190pi0k,Have you ever used sexual tease for your advantage consciously?,"Focus on the word tease and conciously . Have you ever done it so? For example I have seen plenty of women flirting to have work advantages or getting out if work simply because they are woman Also if you look at famous female singer( dua lipa etc ) most of their performances have sex appeal . Kardashians are based on same sex phenomenon. Tiktok thots grow their following faster than funny ot other category female accounts. Now i am not saying you shouldn't do it. Of course do it , you have sex advantage same way a man has strength advantage. The question is have you done it conciously?, ever a thought cross your mind that "" hey maybe if I tease him a little bit sexually I'll get the work done'. Update- for those answering yes , what was worst and good thing about it? Was it worth it?",,5,Similar-Spirit-6474,2024-01-07 10:41:01 PurplePillDebate,190ebwg,How common is it for you to see people cheating?,"I always get very angry when I hear or read stories of men who have been cheated on by their girlfriends/wives. It makes me angry because, as you already know, its harder for men to date. So, when he gets cheated on, he has nobody else. But also, I have read about and met men (including close family members) who cheated on their girlfrieds/wives. I even had a co-worker say that he had never been with just a single woman before. He always had 2 at the same time. So I wonder: How common is it for you to see people cheating like that? Men and women. Edit: Typos.",,28,Felizem_velair_,2024-01-07 00:06:59 PurplePillDebate,190tva8,q4men: would you sign an acknowledgment of paternity for the child of some woman you arent married to?,"...and if so, why? the conclusion most people come to is that men are so terrified of pissing off their unmarried ""gf"" that they sign it like sheep, do you think this is the case? would you do it, or demand a paternity test when it actually counts?",,1,-Shes-A-Carnival,2024-01-07 14:56:24 PurplePillDebate,1906iu3,Men mistake women ignoring most men as her being loyal. Let's debate,"If a guy looks at a woman's instagram, he will see 100s if not 1000s of DMs ignored. He'll think ""Wow bro my girl is so loyal, she doesn't even open DMs"" He will also notice his girlfriend not making eye contact with guys in public. The girl is doing this because she has had alot of experiences of guys saying weird stuff to her in public, so she just ignores them. Again, ""wow bro my girl is so loyal, she doesn't even look at other men"" What the guy fails to realize is the fact that women don't care about 80% of men like that, because they have options in the top 20%. The day a guy who is ""better"" than her boyfriend comes along, and he is in the top 20%, then for the first time the girl will be tempted to open his message, or to talk / flirt with him Then she will cheat if she can get away with it Her being loyal is an illusion, only because her dream man hasn't come along yet. This is why marriage is pointless, because the feelings a woman has for man will fizzle out and eventually a ""better"" guy will come along and the woman will fantasize and/or cheat. Yes, fantasizing is cheating 🤷‍♂️",,33,Consistent-Gur6932,2024-01-06 18:30:50 PurplePillDebate,18zx1gg,Do women understand that not all misogynists are incels and not all incels are misogynists?,"Whenever I see an argument on social media about a man complaining about women or OF models the women always call him an incel? They do understand that having sex with a woman won't cure your misogyny? And that plenty of men who hate women, have sex with women via dating apps?",,106,Apprehensive-Kick290,2024-01-06 10:19:14 PurplePillDebate,190wslj,Why is it so hard for taken women to ignore other men who show interest in her?,"Women are constantly talking to guys on Instagram who slide in their DMs. They know the guy wants them, and despite having a boyfriend, they engage in the conversation. I understand sometimes you have to respond because some guys might start acting aggressive and it can be scary to the girl, but then a threshold is crossed where the guy proves he's not a danger, but still thirsty and the girl keeps talking to him Now women can easily say: ""Oh we can't ignore the guys because we are afraid they can get dangerous"". I agree, that is valid that some guys can do that. However, why do you continue conversations and react to the stories of the non dangerous guys who like you? Just please simply answer me, why? One time a girl reacted heart eyes to my story (she was the type to message EVERY guy). She had a boyfriend and I told her please never send me stuff like that again, you have a boyfriend, have some shame. And she told her boyfriend and he said ""Bro it's not a big deal"" -\_-",,0,Consistent-Gur6932,2024-01-07 17:07:31 PurplePillDebate,1903sxj,"Fun hypothetical, here are some options you can choose from to fix dating","Pick two. 1) Women now outnumber men 3 to 1. 2) Female sexual arousal is increased to match that of males and they will find much more men attractive. 3) Womens fear and anxiety regarding social situations and strangers is made to be less sensitive and they will not be scared of being approached in public. 4) Men are considerably more able to stoicly accept being single(even for a lifetime) and and are much more willing to leave unsatisfying relationships(justified or unjustified). While this may be a tempting option, this will likely decrease the amount of male options you have and will increase the effort women must put in. Just something to think about ladies. 5) Dating apps are mandated by law to be effective in forming relationships. 6) Porn, onlyfans, pictures intended for arousal are now completely illegal.",,30,EveningEveryman,2024-01-06 16:34:01 PurplePillDebate,18zwrqm,Men need to stop being so thirsty.,"A lot of men are so thirsty that a woman could be a completely terrible person, but if she's even moderately physically attractive, they'll still chase and stroke her ego just to get laid. Most men are so thirsty that when I suggest that men should get some self respect and stop chasing women, especially those who don't respect them or even care about them, there'll always be some guy saying ""If I don't simp and chase, some other guy will"". Which is ofcourse true, but it's just more evidence that men are too thirsty and need to stop. Women who use men and only see them as walking banks have no incentive to change when their shitty behaviour gets rewarded by men who chase them and pay for everything to impress them. Unfortunately, some men are so thirsty that they think it's better to be with a woman who uses and abuses them than to be single.",,95,Agreeable-Moment-760,2024-01-06 10:00:38 PurplePillDebate,190ayfn,How often do you and your friends discuss/gossip about the sex lives of your social circle?,"I'm wondering how much people talking about their sex lives and sex lives of their peers and also how old you are? I've often heard claims from men about finding out if their girlfriends is lying about their ""body count"" they'll find out from her friends or social group, and they claim its common for men to do this. Thing is, I haven't witnessed this ever in my life since like high school. I've had tons of friends get married over the years including myself, and not one of their boyfriends/fiances ever tried to interrogate me or our mutual friends about his future wife's past sex life. My friends never really talk about our sex lives in general, I don't know the ""body counts"" of really anyone I know these days. I can't recall a single time it's been discussed by anyone I know in real life since I was like 19. I just don't feel like grown mature adults gossip about their sex lives much, I feel like it would be considered tacky and low class in my social circles, so it surprises me when people here act like it's so common. It makes me think the demographics here must be really young, like teens larping as 40 year old men. Is my peer group/professional circles unique in this or do your adult peer groups discuss sex/body counts often??",,10,Sad_and_grossed_out,2024-01-06 21:39:33 PurplePillDebate,19001ki,To what extent are age gaps in relationships due to the preferences of women vs men?,"The meme is eveyy man is going for women aged 18 - 25. It definitely seems to be the case that men are far more likely to be older then women in heterosexual relationships, but is it really because of the above statement? Irl, its almost always women who seem to be hesitant to date a younger man in my experience, very few men I know would be opposed to date older women. Would love to get your thoughts.",,21,Quiet_Firefighter_65,2024-01-06 13:31:15 PurplePillDebate,1905slf,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, personal advice and memes in this thread. Here you can post everything that doesn't warrant its own thread or just do some socializing. Personal advice posting, research posts, non-TOS breaking rants, links to other locations with limited context as conversation topics, and things would be considered low effort posts are allowed in the daily thread. **Do not bring other PPD threads into the daily thread. Do not post PPD threads deserving of their own post in the daily thread.** The intent of the daily thread is not that it should replace PPD and become a place where users can avoid the rules of the subreddit. Attempting to do this will be considered circlejerking and moderated as such. **Black Pill/Incel Content/Woe-Is-Me is still banned in the daily thread. Witch hunting and insults are also still banned in the daily thread. Relegated topics must still go to in the weekly threads for those topics.** Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,7,AutoModerator,2024-01-06 18:00:15 PurplePillDebate,1904dpf,N COUNTS WEEKLY DISCUSSION THREAD,"&#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/3aHh4trC7B) Include your reddit username, pill color, age and gender when you arrive in the welcome mat to introduce yourself and help people get to know you. &#x200B; You can also find Mrs\_Drgree on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/?hl=en) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree) for notifications on when good threads are posted.",,4,AutoModerator,2024-01-06 17:00:13 PurplePillDebate,18zoxwm,What Makes You a Top 1% Woman for a Top 1% Man?,"Ladies, what do you believe makes you a top 1% woman, deserving of a top 1% man? but first ill break down what a top 1% man is, using some stats.At 25 years old, only about 14.5% of men are 6 feet or taller. and Just 2% of men at this age make $100k or more. if you want a man who is 25 and is 6 foot making 100k that is only A tiny 0.29%. By 35, 14.5% are over 6 feet, 12% make $100k, if you want a man who is 35 and is 6 foot making 100k that is only A tiny 1.74%. So, if you're eyeing a guy who's both tall and wealthy, you're looking at a very small group,If you're aiming for these top 1% men, what do you bring to the table that's truly exceptional? I've heard many responses in podcasts and with women saying - ""my energy,"" ""my loyalty,"" etc. While these are great, they're not necessarily unique or tangible. Loyalty, for instance, is a baseline expectation in any relationship and doesnt make you a top 1% woman.What genuinely sets you apart as a top 1% woman that these men would value? It’s not about downplaying anyone’s worth but rather understanding that in the realm of exceptional matches, the qualities sought might be as rare as the men in these statistical brackets. &#x200B; EDIT: out of the 1 thousand comments only 3 women actually answered the question, the rest just shamed me or attacked me, so its clear women don't even know what men value or makes them deserve the men they feel entitled to ",,54,Moneydamjan,2024-01-06 02:24:20 PurplePillDebate,18zvbt1,Who do so many actual “alpha males” & “players” who clearly get women and demonstrate being “Red Pill aware” get classified as “purple pilled” or “not Red Pilled” by people in Red Pill spaces?,"Any time I see a man who is or used to be a pimp, mack, player, male escort, male stripper, male pornstar, fitness influencer, dating coach, musician, actor or comedian who is clearly an “alpha male” discussed in a Red Pill space, the Red Pillers go out of their way to point out the individual, who likely understands “the nature of women” better than they ever could, isn’t “Red Pill”. Why is this? Given RP thoughts, beliefs & theories on women, isn’t that who they should strive to be? I never quite understood.",,10,MasterofBoats,2024-01-06 08:21:50 PurplePillDebate,18zpmcg,Question for men: is the madonna-whore complex real?,"So a year ago I learned about the madonna-whore complex in my psychology class and I was really disturbed by it. It's basically a psychological complex where men categorize women as either a ""madonna"" (a woman who is nurturing and pure and basically wifey material) or a ""whore"" (a woman who is not). And the man gives his romantic and sentimental love to the ""madonna"" but can't feel sexual feelings for her, and doesn't love or really care about the ""whore"" but is sexually attracted to her. And there was a discussion in my class about how this could explain why some men cheat on their wives but still technically ""love"" them. But the idea of it just really disturbed me because how could you romantically love your significant partner but cheat on them with somebody who you don't love? And why would you not feel sexual attraction to the woman you love if you think she's so pure and perfect? Probably most of you haven't personally experienced this but based on your opinion and your interactions with other men do you think the madonna-whore complex is real? And if so could you maybe answer my above questions?",,16,Living_Cookie9375,2024-01-06 02:57:10 PurplePillDebate,18zcj1r,“the divine feminine” is a manifestation of toxic femininity,"Now, I want to start off by touching on a concept - I do think there is such a thing as natural femininity and masculinity, and that many people feel a natural, almost spiritual inkling to play their role in accordance to their gender. That being said, I don’t like using the term “divine masculine” or “divine feminine”, partly because it deifies human qualities, but also it adds such a grandiose sense of self importance to where it borders on narcissism. This is where I think it becomes messy and I would argue that influencers peddling the idea of “divine femininity” are attempting to normalize toxic femininity - just as the manosphere fully exhibits toxic masculinity. The divine feminine often proclaims the idea that the feminine is inherently divine, and the influencers pushing it often attempt to justify a sense of entitlement by expecting the princess treatment - they’re not only pushing the idea of dependence, but are also somehow framing it as their right. I’ve also noticed active talk of refusing to communicate because “theyll get it if they get it”, ie. the whole expectation for their mind to be read, that their needs and wants should be met without any consideration and communication. There is also the idea that women are to be chased and that men are the chasers, which, sure, to an extent is true, but it becomes toxic when women are told to do nothing and the men will come to them, that they’re enough just cause they exist. I’m sure there are many more examples, but that’s just off the top of my head. A lot of this reads as unchecked narcissism, and framing it as “divine” is the greatest symptom of this. Of course, now for the big question - why is it “toxic femininity” and not just narcissism? Because like toxic masculinity is to men, all of these are based off how generally speaking, women either see themselves or want to be treated based off their role in relation to men, but these traits are warped to their absolute worst. Of course, there are tons of “toxic feminine” traits that don’t stem from this idea, just like toxic masculinity isn’t only tied to the manosphere - though this is just one manifestation of it that i’ve seen popping up.",,60,KayRay1994,2024-01-05 17:36:21 PurplePillDebate,18zafnh,"If modern dating just a cycle of: infatuation, get bored, cheat/leave?","First someone finds someone, they get to know each other a bit, get infatuated with each other and believe they are soulmates After a few months into the relationship, one of them sees other people on social media, and a feeling of missing out sets in. The person who's thoughts are wondering start comparing their current partner to those they see on social media. They might now realize that their partner is NOT the ""one and only"" This person with the wandering thoughts either ends up cheating due to the ease of access to the new person, or they leave And I think women do this more, but that's just my opinion What's the solution to this cycle?",,70,Consistent-Gur6932,2024-01-05 16:09:26 PurplePillDebate,18zbnks,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, etc... in this thread. Here you can post everything you don't think warrants it's own thread. Or just do some socialising. Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. &#x200B; If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,8,AutoModerator,2024-01-05 17:00:25 PurplePillDebate,18z3y6u,Why are people so reluctant to accept serial monogamy?,"I am sick of seeing people view divorce as a huge personal failure or act like every relationship that ends is ""wasted time"". The ship of lifelong monogamy has sailed. Fewer and fewer people get married. Out of those who get married around 40-50% get divorced. Out of those who don't get divorced, I estimate that around 10-20% is miserable in their marriage but stays married for other reasons. Only 30% at best are genuinely satisfied in their marriage. Sure if you want lifelong monogamy , go for it. But I don't get why most people are still obsessed with this fairy tale of marriage and kids to the point where they can't even properly appreciate their past relationships because it was a ""waste of time"" on the road to find their supposed one true love. Or they kill themselves after divorce because they feel like a failure. Just embrace it that some relationships are not meant to last forever, it's okay.",,20,Novel-Tip-7570,2024-01-05 10:37:39 PurplePillDebate,18zh78n,Why are men so anti marriage nowadays compared to 100 years ago?,"Obviously the world now is vastly different from 100 years ago in 1924( but we still have cabled energy lines eheheh) but I read an article and on Quora that in the past most men used to want to get married and make families but now many men don't want to marry anymore nor have children. The MGTOW and Incel comunity is growing and men complain about other guys being destroyed in marriages and that being single is much happier and better than be in a relationship. I have never been married so I cannot give an opinion... In the past women had far less rights than today and it seens that divorce used to be much harder to get so I guess that even the ugliest and the worst men got a gorlfriend and wife with relatively ease... By the other hand alimony is much more rare nowadays so alimony after divorce might not be one of the reasons for men nowadays to be antimarriages... So why is marriage so repulsive to men now but still desirable for women?",,2,sabrynekrystal1992,2024-01-05 20:49:59 PurplePillDebate,18z1044,"Can men give some concrete examples of being emotionally vulnerable to women, and women reacting negatively?","I want to clarify, I am not asking this because I don't believe this really common complain and am trying to have a gotcha moment. I swear. I am asking exactly because I read about it very commonly and have a hard time relating it to real life examples because a) I think a lot of men show emotions pretty freely b) I don't think most women I know havee any issue with it unless the topic/reaction itself is an issue, which is normal But my circle and experiences are not representative of most people. I am aware that there is a common stereotype of women asking men to be more open and men saying women hate it when they do. So clearly this isn't bullshit But since the topic of what being emotional/vulnerable or expressing your feelings can mean so many things, I always feel these conversations lack concrete examples. So if you don't mind being a bit more personal on an anonymous forum, can you share how the whole thing went down, what did you open up about and what was the exact negative reaction you got for it? Also -I know this is a question for men, but if a woman is answering, maybe you can explain what you mean if you ever felt youd like a man to be more open - in what way did you think he wasn't? Is it an outward demonstration of an emotion like crying, better explanation of what is going on during a certain emotional situation, or more relationship-focused for example being clearer about how he feels for you?",,34,[deleted],2024-01-05 07:20:18 PurplePillDebate,18zrrgb,"What does everyone believe with regard to ""trauma"" and male sexual assault?","My main question is, do the people here believe men who have been sexually assaulted in some manner (especially by a woman) have legitimate reason to have ""trauma"" for it? Let's say these men who've been assaulted could theoretically overpower the woman assaulting them. In these cases you could hypothetically argue the men in question let it happen and were never in real danger because they could've always won a physical confrontation if necessary to protect themselves. You could also hypothetically argue that these guys, if never in real danger, are only pretending to be upset about it for attention. I'm not making these arguments. I'm saying these arguments may have been made. I want to Guage what the sub thinks as a whole on the topic, because to be honest based on my experience in *real life* people have 2 responses to all forms of male sexual assault. Response 1 is to laugh and tell the man he should've appreciated it. This happens regardless of if the female assailant is attractive, but especially if she's attractive. Response 2 is to call into question if it ever happened and pretty much assert the male is lying to make it look like he's desirable or for attention. These are not data driven outcomes, it's based on my experience. But, I think if we look at modern media we can also recognize this appears to be true. Males being raped in movies, whether by men or women, is almost always universally portrayed comedically by Hollywood. Including scenes with charlie day being assaulted by his boss, and Jonah Hill being raped by a demon. These scenes are played to be laughed at, and they're abundant. This may reinforce the idea that in real life this topic is a point of comedy and question of validity. What does everyone else think?",,0,No_Constant7907,2024-01-06 04:47:54 PurplePillDebate,18ylwzv,"CMV, women have a low tolerance for male vulnerability which perpetuates men not expressing their thoughts and feelings","I remember that when I was first learning how to date, women would seek emotional intimacy and support on the date by telling me something that was making them emotionally vulnerable, but whenever I'd offer up any of my own to commiserate, it would give her the major ick. I then noticed this more and more with women in other parts of my life like platonic friends. With very few exceptions, every woman in my life has had an extremely low tolerance of me sharing any vulnerability or seeking emotional support. They only want me around when I'm fun and entertaining. In fact, I finally shared a minor vulnerability with a girl I'd been dating for over month recently, and she explicitly broke up with me over it despite that very day constantly talking about her not interested in dating anyone else but me. Women have a very low tolerance for male sadness.",,212,IlIIlIIIlIl,2024-01-04 19:43:04 PurplePillDebate,18yy4gl,Could be the uprise of men being bad or abusive partners be a result of men leaving the dating scene?,"""As of 2022, Pew Research Center found, 30 percent of U.S. adults are neither married, living with a partner nor engaged in a committed relationship. Nearly half of all young adults are single: 34 percent of women, and a whopping 63 percent of men."" There is been a constant trope about men being terrible partners, manipulative, violent, and neglectful online. You hear the outcries of women all over social media crying about ""where are the good men""? If you look at TwoX, most of their posts have an abundance of terrible instances they have had with men. While it is simply possible that some women are actively choosing partners that are bad for them, I think that a lot of this is a result of a lot of well intentioned gentlemen leaving the dating scene. Men have given up in dating despite their efforts have left these women to deal with lower quality men as a result. It seems that people who were worse dating partners tend to focus more on dating than those who don't, a great example of this would be the ""self-proclaimed incels"". They have an unhealthy fixation on women than a more healthy men who has given up on dating. I do not believe that there is such a large amount of undatable men in the dating pool, but rather a ton of dudes that aren't dating at all.",,31,KentuckyCriedFlickin,2024-01-05 04:37:50 PurplePillDebate,18yzd7g,A lot of alpha male types are just as desperate and pathetic as anyone else,"Conventional wisdom quite rightly tells us that desperation is an enormous turn off, and thus one of the key reasons why alpha jock types do so well with women is because they show no such desperation and exude the aura that they don't need to gain the affection of any particular lady since they have more options than they know what to do with. In my experience hanging out with these types of guys when I was younger and stupider, from speaking with women about their experiences with such men, and from observing them in the media, the truth is a lot of them are just as insecure, pathetic and desperate as anyone else. Firstly, notice how quickly their bravado crumbles into desperation and bitterness when they're not getting the outcomes they want. I've been on a holiday with one such individual (a friend of a friend) whose entire persona shifted from cool calm and collected to jealous and belligerent in the span of a week without the action he thought he deserved. It's no surprise - quite often their ability to attract women is the cornerstone of their self-worth, which naturally carries a certain level of fragility and desperation and bleeds through to anyone who isn't blinded by their charm, despite their best efforts to conceal it. Then there's the fact that they do quite explicitly exhibit many of the same behaviors that would have others labelled as creeps, orbiters and simps. I've seen it firsthand; love bombing, begging and pleading, aggression, undermining self esteem, taking advantage of intoxicated ladies, stalking and harassing - think Noah from the Notebook - in a way that's often strangely accepted and unfortunately even rewarded. Perhaps Chad Hogan is less likely to walk onto campus with an AR-15 and open fire or crawl into Stacey Brockmans air con vent to masturbate while she sleeps, although in saying this, and as counter to the narrative, the only guy I know who was pathetic enough to kill himself as an act of revenge against his cheating partner - throwing himself in front of a train no less - was a handsome champion sprinter and one of the more popular kids at my university. In any case, it stands to reason that most people see what they want to see, and when it comes to good looking, athletic, popular, outgoing types, their creep radars are tuned way down or turned off entirely, and perhaps their only radar that's properly tuned is their disrespectful womaniser detector, however even if it's going off, that unfortunately isn't always a dealbreaker. Of course there are some natural alpha types who are genuinely confident and don't resort to such desperate and disrespectful behavior, but they're exceptions to the norm, and they're never the ones making the most noise and bullying and bragging about their exploits. Just some perspective &#x200B;",,14,StaticNocturne,2024-01-05 05:44:23 PurplePillDebate,18yxyqa,Do BP Women actually believe you can be truly egalitarian and 50-50 with children?,"I’m curious about the most major point that is often talked about in RP communities: gender roles and chores within a family unit. I understand the BP folks want egalitarian relationships when it comes to roles and chores. But, honestly, how can this be unless you NEVER have kids? childbearing is the one thing that can’t be “shared” - only women can push a baby out through their vagina. This is a MAJOR burden on the woman relative to the man. If BPW want to work and split finances, chores, bills, emotional support, sex, etc. - how do you not see that having a kid makes things uneven now? and the biggest burden falls on YOU, and splitting all those chores and roles after a child is heavier on YOU vs the man?",,16,Ok_Mathematician863,2024-01-05 04:29:24 PurplePillDebate,18yxukg,Are men who do not want to commit to relationships simply risk-averse?,"One of the complaints women have with modern dating is the man they are dating does not commit to a relationship with them and the women is stuck in a 'situationship'. Often, the assumption is that the man is a 'high-value male' and has multiple options hence why he does not want to commit to just one person. However, this is also assuming that man does not want a relationship and would rather 'play the field' / have multiple casual partners. Speaking from personal experience, it seems most men who have red pill knowledge do not want to commit to a relationship simply because they are risk-averse. Not so much because they want to play the field or because they have multiple options. The average women usually has what is considered red flags in the red pill community - a high body count, revealing photos on social media, past trauma etc. Most men see women like this as a risk and simply don't want to commit. This seems to be a growing trend - men not committing because of the risk. It seems like these 'situationships' have become normal and many women are left frustrated and confused. On the other hand a man who has consumed red pill knowledge believes the average women poses too much risk for a relationship. ",,16,ShelterNo2786,2024-01-05 04:23:13 PurplePillDebate,18yufbz,Is asking out a friend only going to ruin your friendship if you're not attractive?,"We're all familiar with the dynamic of a guy who has a crush on a female friend but doesn't ask her out for fear of ruining their friendship. Sometimes it ruins the friendship, sometimes she says yes, sometimes she says no but still wants to be friends. Even when she says no, does her reaction depend on how attractive you are? Is that the difference between ""he likes me, that's sweet but I don't feel the same way"" vs ""EWW he likes me, I'm staying away from him""?",,11,TarJen96,2024-01-05 01:37:07 PurplePillDebate,18yjxt0,Penetration is essential to most women's complete sexual satisfaction.,"Heterosexual women absolutely *do* want and need penetration in the majority of cases to be fully sexually satisfied, dunno why people online spread this disinformation that they don't. Sure, *only* penetration isn't going to make them orgasm, they need clitoral stimulation too, but I've noticed there's a prevalent opinion (mostly populated by women so the men won't feel too insecure) here that women only engage in penetration for their partner, that it does very little for them and that only digital and oral stimulation are enough, all of which is absolutely false. I have asked this very question on r/AskWomen and searched for similar on r/sex and got the expected results. Most heterosexual women want and need good dicking and feel unsatisfied with just oral and digital stimulation, plus, certain women get ""dickmatised"", when a man fucks them so good, endorphins flood their brains and induce a brainfog for a time being. Sure, the exceptions exist, but they are only that, exceptions.",,43,[deleted],2024-01-04 18:23:04 PurplePillDebate,18yxj03,People nowdays just too rigid or arrogant to try and change for someone else,"I dont get it man, everyone thinks they are just the shit already. People are just flaunting their problems on TikTok like they are proud of it because it makes them unique........ WHAT? And why tf does it seem like men and women these days dont put shit of effort into it for their partner? Because everyone just wants sex and doesnt even care... I dont know if thats it, but Im curious A relationship can be a great vessel for growth and change when its not toxic. I dont understand why more people dont use that for improvement. But it seems like people just walk away with bitterness instead. Honestly, someone has to be pretty fucking arrogant to say they dont want to improve",,8,Hot_Radiosensitizer,2024-01-05 04:06:54 PurplePillDebate,18z1n64,Make up and women,"So ladies... Question for you all... So you all like to claim that clothes,cosmetic procedures, and make up are used because of how it makes you all feel... Well then why is it quite a lot of women feel like if they get all dolled up we should be paying for that.... So the question is why say it's for you when clearly a lot of you expect a man to reimburse you via by where you get taken on a date... So call me confuse or a alot of y'all are vane and narcissistic",,0,Gold_Supermarket1956,2024-01-05 08:02:15 PurplePillDebate,18ynkz0,"Blue pillers, How would you summarize your views?","What does it mean to be blue-pilled, exactly? In your own words",,7,SevereStreet8582,2024-01-04 20:51:31 PurplePillDebate,18yvkij,"CMV/Debate: In this society, neurotypicals who don't follow red pill or intense self improvement ideology are wasting their genetic potential","I do believe that red pill ideology is a little too extreme at times in regards to some of their notions around women. But it is much more realistic for THIS SOCIETY. If you want to improve at life whether it be in income, social life, or romantic relationships, there is no room for being ""mediocre"" or ""average"" in terms of the effort you put in. Our western societies today are so insanely competitive that you need to exceed the average person in order to be seen as worthy for relationships, friends, etc. Hence the need for more extreme or intensive forms of self improvement. E.g. in order to develop confidence to be able to ask for promotions at work or project leadership and dominance, one must actively put themselves in tough situations and speak up (e.g. ). In order to have a better ability to talk to women in a romantic manner, they must consistently and actively go out and practice, going through hundreds of rejections, etc. In order to be seen as physically worthy for a relationship it is almost essential that you regularly go to the gym and invest in skincare and other methods of maximising your appearance. Due to online dating culture and modern day hookup culture, there is absolutely no room for mediocrity. This is very different to society before the internet. So why am I saying that neurotypical are wasting their genetic potential? Most neurotypicals are just born with the natural social skills to be able to socially conform, have a job, meet someone, etc. Basically a normal life. Essentially, most neurotypicals are born with the right genetic tools to be able to maximise the benefits of the red pill. And if they dont, then especially in this society, I personally see it as a complete genetic waste of potential. Regardless of how you look like, neurotypicality is an essential genetic tool to be able to integrate in society. So what do you do if you are an autistic person? I recommend the red pill as well. However, there are limitations. Our brains are simply structured in a different way. And that is the cold hard truth. No matter the amount of social exposure you put yourself through, even the slightest slip of an autistic masked personality is heavily criticised and looked down upon by neurotypicals. FURTHERMORE, the autistic nature of black and white thinking makes it very difficult to understand NUANCE. I for example, read some TRP posts about how in order to be more attractive to women you must demand respect via being toxic. I took this literally and did not see the nuance and ended up pissing off a lot of women that I talked to. I thought I was just doing light bantering and showing some toxicity but instead I was being very rude and childish/immature. What they actually were talking about in terms of being toxic was to set boundaries for yourself and being more selfish in nature whilst NOT compromising the sense of respect you have developed whilst speaking to a woman. So if you are willing to accept your disability and thus your limitations, then there is nothing wrong with doing so. And there is also nothing wrong in continuing. Why is this even important? Autistics make such a small proportion of the population dont they? yes they do. But there are huge numbers of us in these sorts of communities as we are more easily lured into ""pill culture"". Hence it is important to talk about this as the toxic rhetoric in TRP communities could lead to very poor mental health outcomes for autistic people who, despite putting in huge amounts of effort, might receive no benefits. Regardless of the genetics that determined your appearance, if you are a neurotypical, then you can still exceed society's expectations of you. But it must require more intense effort and determination from your part. In no way should you waste your genetic potential and be an ""average"" person.",,3,Business_Window_6232,2024-01-05 02:31:06 PurplePillDebate,18y2ppd,Any explanations as to why dating seems to be feast or famine?," For as long a so can remember dating has been a drought or a deluge (more the former than the latter) and I’ve never been able to explain why. During the high times I get frequent matches with women I’m actually interested in that actually parlay into dates, women seem enthusiastic to get to know me and seem to flirt more with me in everyday life. It almost begins to feel exhausting. Then abruptly I enter a dark age for a few months where I get almost no matches, and I get ghosted by anyone I was talking to, women seem to ignore me offline as well and dates are likely to flake on me. It makes no logical sense why it would be so up and down since I’m the same guy with the same appearance and the same personality, but nonetheless this has been my experience. I don’t lower my standards but I would be lying if I said I didn’t begin to feel a bit desperate during the famines. Also it doesn’t seem to be seasonal since it can occur whenever. Has anyone else noticed this shit? Any theories about what’s going on?",,38,StaticNocturne,2024-01-04 03:13:36 PurplePillDebate,18yain1,Kin Influence and Sexual Selection,"Throughout most of history, and likely a great deal of prehistory, kin have had a substantial influence on human mate selection. This makes humans unique. It also means that simple Darwinian sexual selection models that apply to other species may not work as well with humans. Male kin had more influence than female kin; and female maters were more subject to kin influence than male. But there was significant influence on both genders by members of both genders. Kin and mating principals did not have perfectly aligned interests. For example, Good Genes (GG) (appearance and some social skill/charisma) preferences were likely stronger in the principals than the kin, and the lineage of the principals was more impacted. Furthermore, it is likely that principals evolved adaptations to better assert their interests (better parental manipulation, etc.) and kind adapted to better protect their own preferences. In the evolutionary novel modern West, we have not only seen the sudden depreciation of the value of male Provisioning, Protection and Parental Investment (PPP) traits. We have also seen the sudden end of kin influence. The consequences of the latter are rarely discussed, particularly in evolutionary terms. ",,10,WilliamWyattD,2024-01-04 11:00:41 PurplePillDebate,18yy8q8,There is nothing wrong with being a side chick if we accept the reality of hypergamy,"Truth is that men are judged compared to other men, and most women prefer traits in men that only a few men have. Most men are somewhat in between, and they can get lucky, but they will never have as much power of choice as women. Even those men who get a wife, they may find that she ask for divorce because ""love went away"", and he may lose all the investment in the relationship, and women are more likely to do such thing. Truth is that the hypergamous reality of fewer men being desirable, undermines monogamy. Those chosen men will have more power to choose women, have side chicks, etc. The problem I find is that **most women seem to have a fixation for monogamy and commitment, and most of them believe they are worthy of it, while mathematically speaking it is unlikely most women will find and keep for them alone the man they truly desire and love.** Of course, some women would rather choose to be alone, and I expect more men choosing VR porn or similar technology to avoid real life relationships and release urges. Sure, not the ideal for people who want a relationship, but truth is that plenty of people prefer to stay alone than choosing a person that is not what they want. The only solution I find is women dropping the idea of them being entitled to monogamy, or at least accept they don't have much power over the top men they choose, because other women choose them too. Nothing wrong with that: no group has all power and control on everything in a specific category such as sexual selection. Women should not be mad as this, since they still have it waaay better than most men, and it is clear that plenty of women choose to be a side chick to a desirable man than a woman of an average man. They just hide it for social rejection or false ideas of non-monogamous arrangements. **TLDR**: Women should not look down on being a side chick, or even the idea of the men they choose having other partners. It is a numbers game, and the least men are desirable, the most power for the men they do choose, and if men can choose other women, then will... just as women choose better men.",,0,EuphoricBrightTipper,2024-01-05 04:44:01 PurplePillDebate,18y06hd,My Take On PPD: No One Is Innocent,"I got a lot of great feedback about a comment I recently left. It was a thought I shared regarding if any of my thoughts have changed/been affirmed since being here. I'll repost below: \---- I saw the thread about if any of our beliefs have changed/been affirmed since being here. I'd say I can acknowledge a few things. To balance this out, I'll weigh things evenly for both genders: Observations towards women: \- A lot of average women do get looked over/ignored in favor of the hot ones. \- If 'Alpha Widow' is a thing, then so is 'Stacy Widow'. I know several 20's/30's+ dudes who have success with one hot chick and now simply can't see themselves with anything lesser than. \- When women say their DM's are filled with junk, I think it's true. \- I think the 80/20% is a completely unfair mischaracterization of how women choose their mates. \- The way & speed at which women's opinions are dismissed on here is pretty bad. Immediately dismissing their opinion creates no room for productive conversation. \- The makeup/plastic surgey industry is huge for a reason. Men can talk about who they're attracted to all day, but women notice how men act on that attraction, and that often tells a different story. Observations towards men: \- I agree that looks matter a lot. 100%. A lady friend of mine recently got a new boyfriend. Out of curiousity, I asked her how much did looks play a part in your choice, and she said ""close to 50%"". Obviously everyone has different thresholds, but please be mindful of your presentation. \- In dating, you stand to suffer more from a lack of social graces than a woman on average simply because you're socially expected to initiate. One lady friend of mine suffers from extreme social anxiety, doesn't go out much, and yet has boyfriends lined up one after another. \- I agree that dismissing the lack of attraction towards short men under the fact that ""the average man is taller than the average woman, so it's a non issue"" is an incredibly weak rebuttal. The fact is, most women like men taller than them. If you're a short man, and you're doing what you can to succeed, don't get disheartened. Keep going. \- Diagnosing all of your problems as a lack of social savvy can also be short sighted in many cases. There are a lot of sociable men who struggle with singledom for a variety of issues. I think these threads would be better served by asking about the entire man (fitness routine, diet, fashion, etc) to more accurately diagnose issues. \- The pressure is on you to initiate, and this comes with a price. Move too fast, and she may think you're coming on too strong. Move too slow, and she may think you don't find her attractive. I've dealt with both myself before, so I get it. It's not easy. \- Being nice doesn't directly translate to dating success. There are a lot of bad men who do indredibly well with women when it comes to both sex & relationships. You need more than niceness to create sexual attraction. Overall, I don't think anyone has it easy in the dating landscape. However, I think these threads would be much more productive if they moved beyond hurling insults, and focused more on productive dialogue. \--- **Discussion Point:** My thoughts are that everyone has it hard out there, and no one is innocent in the game of sexual attraction. So his got me thinking... Wouldn't these threads be more productive if everyone was just more direct/upfront? What's stopping this? Is it a fear of social shame? Backlash? Something else?",,46,[deleted],2024-01-04 01:17:13 PurplePillDebate,18yp1d9,Question for women who don’t see sex as an essential part of your relationship,"People can believe sex is as small or big as a priority as they want. People are different and you can have whatever priorities you want in your relationship with your partner. Now with that out of the way, here’s my question: if you are a woman and if you don’t think sex is an essential part of your relationship, are you comfortable with opening up your relationship with a boundary that if sex ever leads to romantic feelings then sex with that third party person will be immediately cut off? Please explain why or why not. This is assuming that you have no medical issue that would inhibit your sexual desire (hormones are in check, no chronic illnesses, etc). The person answering this question is ideally someone who just isn’t super interested in sex. It’s nice when it happens but it’s not your end all be all to an exclusive romantic relationship. Also assume that you are attracted to your partner and you don’t have any lingering resentment to them. You’re just not a super sexual person — ie you’re cool with sex maybe once a month.",,3,BuiltForTruth,2024-01-04 21:51:41 PurplePillDebate,18yghbu,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, etc... in this thread. Here you can post everything you don't think warrants it's own thread. Or just do some socialising. Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. &#x200B; If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,2,AutoModerator,2024-01-04 16:00:12 PurplePillDebate,18xkqyz,"Many women are actually quite distrustful of other women, they just defend the sisterhood in front of men","TRP often talks about how women defend the sisterhood. Yes they do. When men are around. But many women are quite distrustful of other women, anyone who is a victim of a toxic boy mom knows this. It's ALWAYS the MIL , you rarely hear about toxic father in laws. When a man has a problem with his girlfriend's father it's usually during the early dating phase. MILs cause problems years into the marriage. I think on some level these MILs know that men are dumb as rocks when it comes to relationships , that's why they're so overprotective. Not that I am defending them. Many women also report feeling more comfortable with male than female bosses. Why? Likely because the female boss will see through all the bullshit lol. It's not internalized misogyny it's the realization that women will not white knight for them.",,119,Novel-Tip-7570,2024-01-03 14:32:12 PurplePillDebate,18xx9kb,"The persistent myth of the ""second shift""","It is often claimed by women here and on the internet broadly, that most mothers with children are working 9-5, 40 hours a week, just like their male counterparts, while simultaneously doing the vast majority of housework and childcare. They bemoan the idea that women are broadly working a ""second shift"" and often use this ""fact"" to blame men for being lazy and ensuing marital breakdowns. However, by and large this is not the case. [**A Pew analysis of the American Time Use survey from 2013 found that women with children spent an average of only 21 hours a week doing paid work.**](https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2013/03/14/chapter-6-time-in-work-and-leisure-patterns-by-gender-and-family-structure) This is around half that of their male counterparts, who spent an average of 38 hours every week doing paid work. The reality is that in most households with children, women do spend substantially less time doing paid work to take over homemaking and childcare duties. By and large mothers are not working substantially more than fathers.",,20,8mm_Magnum_Cumshot,2024-01-03 23:14:05 PurplePillDebate,18xofvy,Has anyone’s opinion or outlook on certain beliefs changed based on engagement here?,"I am pretty liberal with a dash of conservative beliefs based on having an active and present father and watching him being a good representative of manhood by being empathetic while handling his home. I find that some of the ideas presented are so far away from what is actual truth or can be easily disproven. Some of the things I have a better insight on are male loneliness or male insecurities around being neurodivergent and dating prospects Does anyone here ever take a look at information presented and do some introspection on how they may have misconstrued some things from the other side?",,27,bluepvtstorm,2024-01-03 17:20:48 PurplePillDebate,18xpmkn,"How do we know what's natural to each gender, and what is the cause of society?","**#1 Are men providers by nature? Or have women never gotten the opportunity to be providers** Because technically single moms are very good providers to their kids. The love of a single mom for her kids is like no other. Some of them do 2 jobs at the same time and give everything to their kids. No one can say that single moms don't provide to their kids. So women do provide, however when a man is in the family, why does the man usually provide? &#x200B; **#2 Do women want to be protected by their man? Or ""weaker"" humans want to be protected by a trusted ""stronger"" human?** The wife and kids in a family are usually weaker than the dad, so the dad is expected to protect them. However, that same dad gets old one day, and he relies on the police to protect him. And women wo live alone and are allowed to carry weapons, do so - so it's not like women constantly want a man to protect them. Do women simply ask for the protection of their man because their man is stronger? Or is it in their biological nature to seek this? &#x200B; **#3 Are women less ambitious than men, or have women never had the opportunity to be ambitious?** In most of human history (and now), women have always been kept oppressed. Can't go to school, must stay at home, must cook etc. Men have always been the expanders, conquerers etc. Women like to explore too - girls' scouts, hiking, travelling etc. However, I haven't really seen women have a desire to expand and conquer. We see less women who want to ""take over"" with their business. More men will open a business that can expand, and more women will open businesses that ""stay put"" like a cafe or nail salon &#x200B; Please feel free to put more questions lilke this in the comments &#x200B;",,26,Consistent-Gur6932,2024-01-03 18:07:39 PurplePillDebate,18yi9y2,Is there ceiling to women's sexual hypergamy?,"A large nationally representative study led by researcher Michael Reece, Ph.D., examined the prevalence of vibrator use among heterosexual men in the U.S. Intriguingly, heterosexual men who had used sex toys with their partners reported lower levels of sexual satisfaction than men who had never used a sex toy with their partners. [Link to the study](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20924935/) Now I can draw a few conclusions of my own from these results; * Men feel inadequate, and feel that the sex toys are replacing them or that their spouses are becoming dependent on the sex toys, which may or may not be true but impacts their overall satisfaction. * Men ARE inadequate and the sex toys are required for sexual completion from women. * The couple is looking to spice up their sex life and incorporate sex toys, possibly the sexual satisfaction has been low and they're looking to revive it; which just leads back to the other points. Now what I expect raging feminists to say: * You're just insecure * A real man uses toys and enjoys it * Etc etc attacking masculinity in all of it's forms; aka endorsing for men to be cucks one step at a time * Expecting men to sacrifice their sexual pleasure in order for women to gain more (again, expecting more cuck-like behavior) * Expecting men to ""take them as they are"" and ""they should be enough"" yet at the same time promoting the idea that introducing sex toys (for women) are good and incorporating male sex toys is icky. *The main issue here, women enforcing double standards in regards to sex toys and sexual hypergamy.* The answer here is not just replacing both parties with superior technological sex toys, but rather both parties NOT using these toys and enjoying EACH OTHER's real bodies, in my opinion. So my main question is; why should men accept women who want/require sex toys in a relationship since there seems to be no upper limit to women's sexual hypergamy?",,0,SlowEffective8146,2024-01-04 17:14:54 PurplePillDebate,18xnguz,"Inexperience in older men is a disadvantage, not a death sentence","There's been a lot of talk on here about older men who are inexperienced having no choice but to go for younger inexperienced women because all experienced women will immediately reject a virgin. There is no way for a woman to tell that you're inexperienced other than if you tell her or if you make it obvious through your physical/social qualities, in which case you should work on those if you want to have success in dating. But if you're an attractive guy with decently good social skills, your inexperience is going to be overlooked most of the time. As far as sex goes, it's common to have to take some time to adapt to each other in the bedroom so it's not a guaranteed thing that a woman can tell either. Even if she can figure it out and stops seeing you, you are no longer a virgin and now have experience on what to do for the future. Putting not being upfront with it aside, it's also not true that you'll be rejected immediately by all women with experience. I'm not going to deny that a lot of women are turned off by it, but there are many women who don't mind it either, especially if you can make up for it by being hot/charismatic. The qualities that make you a virgin are way more important than virginity itself, and if those are fixed there's not much preventing you from losing it. It is very annoying seeing people talking about how inexperienced men have to date younger inexperienced women because they have no choice otherwise. There isn't anything wrong with dating younger women within a reasonable age gap, but don't act like you're doing it because the world forced you to do so. Don't be so afraid of being judged and don't be afraid of failure, and you'll find a lot more women are open to you than you might think.",,13,danielwastaken,2024-01-03 16:31:08 PurplePillDebate,18xh5pp,"The more you meet women, the more you realize they're all the same","If you meet a woman, and you look at her phone, chances are it's an iPhone. You ask her what music she likes, and it's probably Drake. You ask her what she likes to do for fun, she'll likely mention traveling. This is the sad conclusion you can't help but come to, no matter how hard you don't want to believe it. Suppose you meet a new girl at work or whatever. She seems nice, down to earth, a refreshing change from the ones you've met in your previous attempts at dating. You start thinking that she's special, and that something good can come of this. But then you go on Instagram, you find her account, and you see her half naked, pointing her ass to the camera. And to your dismay, you realize she's just like the rest of them. This is one of the hardships of dating as a man. Trying to meet women, and realizing that so many of them have a complete lack of a personality. Being unique is a completely foreign concept to many of them. Despite what they say to the contrary, it's something they actually fight hard against. They want no part of being unique. They want to fit in with their peers. If their peers are vapid, and they desire to be that as well. What they actively try to avoid is to become the black sheep of their group and be ostracized for it. This explains their taste in music, food, and yes, men. As a man, this is the main problem you run into. They all want the same thing. They want what everyone else wants. And if you don't fit into the type of man they all want, then enjoy your loneliness. It's interesting that lately on this sub, there's been a lot of discussion about how women view virgin men. And for the most part, the excuse...errr...reason women give for why they don't want virgin men is that there must be something wrong with him if he's stayed like this for so long. As usual, this is the same tactic employed by the women on this sub: handwave their questionable behaviour by making it look like the man's problem. In this case, the man's a virgin because there's something bad about him caused by his own doing that's chasing women away. No, the women don't want the virgin men for the same reason they don't want some burner flip phone over the latest iPhone 38 or whatever. For men who are trying to date and run into this type of wall, after meeting enough women, they realize this: either everyone likes you, or no one does.",,13,rejected-again,2024-01-03 11:22:04 PurplePillDebate,18xlckm,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, etc... in this thread. Here you can post everything you don't think warrants it's own thread. Or just do some socialising. Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. &#x200B; If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,9,AutoModerator,2024-01-03 15:00:14 PurplePillDebate,18y68e7,Is a reproductive draft on the horizon?,"As countries around the world become increasingly industrialized, there is a decline in birth rates. This is happening in every industrialized country regardless of culture. Eventually, these countries drop below replacement in births. The countries that have industrialized first solved this problem by supporting immigration. However this is probably not a sustainable practice, as more countries industrialize there will be fewer and fewer countries to acquire immigrants from. The sub-replacement rate birth rate is threatening to collapse the economies in the medium term. In the long term, the sub-replacement birth rates threatens the disappearance of the country entirely. When a country is facing an existential threat, governments are willing to curtail the freedom of it's citizens. If a country is at war and the survival of the country is at stake, the government is willing to enforce a military draft. Governments have historically decided that if not enough men are volunteering for the military, they will force men to murder and be murdered for the survival of the country. Even in very recent history this has been proven to be the case, such as with Ukraine. If reproductive trends in industrial societies continue, I believe governments will eventually enforce a reproductive draft in the face of existential threat. Perhaps even western & democratic governments will do this because even if the country values freedom, if a country that values freedom less implements such a policy the former country will be at a severe military disadvantage in comparison to the latter. Moreover, the reproductive drafting country may not need to fight a war, they can just wait for the opposing country to lose territory from population decline. I struggle to think of any arguments against a reproductive draft that doesn't similarly apply to a military draft. As with a military draft, governments have shown they can and will ignore the will of it's constituents regardless of how reasonable the arguments against such losses of freedom. Even dictatorships such as North Korea are struggling with birth rates. If a ""(no more than) one child policy"" can be made, how unlikely is it that a ""(no less than) two child policy"" will be? This post is not arguing for, alluding to, or in favor of ""state mandated girlfriends"". I think it is more realistic and likely for governments to endorse artificial insemination as that is more beneficial for the government. With artificial insemination, the government gets to choose which genetics are reproduced. If there is no partner, husband, or boyfriend in the picture that provides the government with significantly more power in child rearing than it otherwise would have. With no father, the government can more readily dictate how children are raised, leveraging state institutions such as day care and public schooling systems. Thoughts?",,0,Dertross,2024-01-04 06:18:03 PurplePillDebate,18wsla4,"So, is talking to women at bars just… over?","After spending my whole life in small towns, I recently moved to a big city full of “young professionals.” I live in a neighborhood with lots of stereotypically attractive 20-somethings. I go out multiple times a week, usually alone, and I’ve noticed that people rarely meet each other at bars. They show up with their groups and stick with them. They don’t mingle. You might see some of the most attractive people — I’m talking about ones who could model — cross over the gender line and chat. But even that’s rare. On my end, I don’t think I’ve ever had a meaningful conversation with a woman while out, by myself, at a bar. When my out of town friends visit, we hit the bars and talk to girls. But even then it feels different than it did a few years ago. The number of outright rude or dismissive reactions we get has skyrocketed. Nothing we say is out of pocket, creepy, or desperate, from what I can tell. And we definitely look better now than we used to. The part that really trips me up: the same women who are so antisocial at a bar are the ones I regularly go out with on dating apps. I do pretty well on the apps, and if I invest time and energy into them, I can go on 2-3 dates a week. This leads me to believe that apps really have overtaken bars/clubs as the leading spots for hookup culture — at least for the vast majority of people. It’s kind of depressing. But maybe this is just a geographic thing. Or something else. I’m curious what others have experienced.",,162,PericlesOnTheBeat,2024-01-02 15:54:42 PurplePillDebate,18xytmf,"If you and a friend both like the same guy, would you scheme in a way to get the guy for yourself?","I was wondering if this has happened with you. If you like a guy, and you thought your friend did too, would you either spread bad rumours about your friend or the guy so that one of them would run away from the other, leaving the guy for yourself? Have any of you done anything like this? If not, have you ever considered doing such a thing? How would you handle your friendship under these situations?",,0,rejected-again,2024-01-04 00:18:29 PurplePillDebate,18y1vaj,The discussion surrounding the chore gap is missing a major question Discussion,"*Repost because apparently mods don't know what neutral means and it's way too much effort to change a post flair* If you look up the gap in household chores you'll see the same thing. Numerous articles which use negative language to say things such as ""Women STILL take on the majority of the household chores"" usually with images of a stressed wife doing some chore with the husband chilling on the couch with a beer. Now even in these articles the results of the studies are over exaggerated, as if an extra 2hrs (about 17 minutes/day in a week) is literal slavery, but not in a single one of these studies has the question been posed: Maybe women enjoy housework more than men? Anyway, why is it that no one has ever considered that women enjoy housework to the extent the spend more time on it than men. As a man, if things are just clean enough I'm fine with it and have no drive to make my house spotless. But at the same time, 100% of the time i've had a woman over, within 5 minutes they cleaned something. One point out I had dust on a statue and wiped it, another started pruning my plants and another started organizing my table magazines. It was very clear that they took some sort of pride in doing this as if it provided a significant value to my life. And these are women I had know for maybe a few weeks. Is it such a wild thought that women take more time to do house work because they enjoy when things are neater? Could it also be that when you do the housework you are also hold more control of the house? When I walk into the house of a hetero sexual couple and see a 'live, laugh, love"" sign at the entrance and a peppermint sage scented candle in the bathroom I can say with almost 90% accuracy the man did not pick it out. In fact when you go into any house, who do you think had the ultimate decision in picking out the furniture, décor and overall aesthetic? Why is it that you always here about a man being allowed to have a specific room for his things (A man cave) but never hear about a woman cave? Because the house is her cave. This is a perk of doing more housework. Maybe it's because the chores women do are typically more fun than the ones men do so they take a little more time. Sure I enjoy yard work as much as the next guy but the next guy probably doesn't enjoy being outside sweating in the hot sun getting attacked by bees for too long. Meanwhile, the wife can sit in a nice air conditioned home sorting laundry binging Ozark. In addition to that, maybe the man would enjoy coming inside doing the laundry or washing dishes but is constantly told he's doing something wrong. The idea that housework is some grueling, thankless task is so childish. It's extremely enjoyable to take care of a home that's yours. Maybe women are doing more housework but are they being forced to like slaves as the popular narrative suggests? Or is it just something they find as a more enjoyable than men? The answer's pretty clear to me",,0,FutureBannedAccount2,2024-01-04 02:33:28 PurplePillDebate,18x21rz,Is it wrong for an inexperienced older man to prefer younger women due to them also being inexperienced?,"But let's say a guy is a bit on the older side and still doesn't have much relationship experience. Most women his own age probably won't want to date him because women usually don't like guys who don't have experience. In that case, wouldn't it be better for an inexperienced older guy to date a younger woman who (hopefully) won't be as bothered by his inexperience? Imo, an older guy dating a younger woman just because she's more attractive/easier to manipulate is much different to an older guy dating a younger woman because he wants someone who won't judge him for his inexperience ",,16,Glass_Bucket,2024-01-02 22:13:25 PurplePillDebate,18x19by,Why are ambiguous friendships and unreciprocated feelings causing so much uproar?,"We're all human and we all fall for random acts of kindness at random times. We all have nevroses that make us respond to certain behaviours. We're all trying to stick to conventions while still being emotional lonely messes who will die alone anyway because no one can share how you feel on your last living second on this plane we call Earth. A lot of persons say friendships cannot exist when sexual attraction enters the friendship, and are moreso doomed when the feeling is unreciprocated. My opinion is that, anyone with a little kind-hearted character can still behave respectfully and contain their passions for the sake of healthy boundaries, and still thrive while having interests in their friends, I find it healthy even. No one should start questioning their friendship because of stupid natural mammal feelings. We are like we are, nothing is linear, tomorrow is uncertain, and instead of being afraid of how chaotic that feels, we should be able to embrace it.",,15,eyewave,2024-01-02 21:42:32 PurplePillDebate,18wxjau,"If you are currently unsatisfied with your romantic/relationship prospect, what is your next play for 2024?","New year, new me, etc. If you are looking to improve your lot and actually have concrete plans to follow through, what is your next move?",,20,Purple_Cruncher_123,2024-01-02 19:14:37 PurplePillDebate,18xxtxu,Why do you think women suffer from postpartum depression?,"The midwife at my workplace says it’s because of: (1) The lack of support from the mother’s friends and family (and unfortunately sometimes their partner) (2) Being forced back to work so quickly (3) No one in their support network is willing to cook, do some house cleaning or grocery shopping for them My (obgyn nurse) aunt says it’s because they realized that they picked the wrong man (unreliable, passive, low social status) from her experience. Have any of you suffered from PPD? If so, what do you think caused it in your situation?",,0,AethertheEternal,2024-01-03 23:37:13 PurplePillDebate,18wid5m,Are men accepting far less these days or has it always been like this?,"This is purely anecdotal, I have no studies or statistics to support this notion. I was speaking to my friend. He is dating a women who has obvious red flags. He is even aware of them but he still wants to commit to her because he told me he has ""no one else"" and it's ""too hard to find another girlfriend"". I've heard friends say similar things but in different ways. For example another friend I had, his girlfriend cheated on him. He showed me messages of their conversations and it was really clear how much she disrespected him. He asked me if he should break up with her or forgive her. I was shocked that this was even a thought? This was even a question? Moreover, another guy I know - his girlfriend constantly post thirst traps on social media. Many men like and comment on the pictures. He told me how uncomfortable he feels about it and how it irritates him but he has to ""accept it because he loves her"". All these things are just mind boggling to me. As a man I have strong boundaries and standards. I stick to them. But it seems this is rare these days? Has it always been like this? Is it because of the troubles most men face with modern dating? It seems a lot of guys are just choosing to accept situations that are less than ideal because there is no alternative?",,183,ShelterNo2786,2024-01-02 06:07:59 PurplePillDebate,18x28iy,"When women consume media for men, do they wish to be like the MALE main character too?","For example, Breaking Bad is sometimes called a ""power fantasy for men"" Walter goes from being a meek man, to a man that gains power and the ability to stand up for himself As we watch the show and see Walter slowly gain power, we also ""feel"" the dopamine hit from it So when women watch media for men, do they also want to be like the male main character too? Do they also have the power fantasy of Walter? Or do they want to be Skylar instead and fix the situation and have peace? When women see a gun fight in shows, do they want the gun fight to end and for stuff to be peaceful, or do they also think ""Wowww this is so epic"" Lastly, if there is a show or video game about a male king taking over kingdoms, do women like the feeling of taking over land and conquering or do women want the show / video game to go towards world peace etc? Thanks!",,6,Consistent-Gur6932,2024-01-02 22:20:40 PurplePillDebate,18wuupl,In which countries is it commonplace for women approach men for sex and relationships?,"I live in Brazil and it seems that we still somehow have a culture that men need to approach a woman first if he is interested on her but women approaching men is becoming more common but it is still somehow stigmatized. I have heard that in Europe( mainly Scandinavia) it is common for women to approach men for both dates and casual sex. Is this common in the United States as well? I have Asperger Syndrome which is a form of mild autism so I struggle to develop relationships and maintain them for years long. So for me the ideal is for a woman approach me. I am handsome so there is no reason to no woman to not have any interest on me 😉. But I will need to try to be more sociable.",,7,sabrynekrystal1992,2024-01-02 17:28:11 PurplePillDebate,18wq2mw,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, etc... in this thread. Here you can post everything you don't think warrants it's own thread. Or just do some socialising. Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. &#x200B; If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,6,AutoModerator,2024-01-02 14:00:16 PurplePillDebate,18w1584,Women saying they hate their husband is so common on Reddit,"It gets thousands of upvotes, but when a man makes post saying he hates his wife everybody tries to frame him as the asshole / abuser. Why? When is this gonna change? Edit: for those saying this is not that common just type ""i hate my husband"" on the search bar and you will see hundreds of posts with hundreds of women supporting OP's hate for her husband and thousands of upvotes. ",,198,[deleted],2024-01-01 17:09:09 PurplePillDebate,18xknn4,it is insane for inexperienced men to seek inexperienced women,"what the title says. this is insane and it is the exact opposite of what all men have done since the dawn of civilization. who cares if some slut mistress compares your pp to other mens while shes giving you sexual and relationship experience are you nuts? were talking about some girlfriend, not your wife and the mother of your children. date and fuck some experienced woman for 3 years in your 20s to learn the ropes. what do you think men took as mistresses throughout all of time and history, virgins? a lot of times they were even older experienced women, like a courtesan or a widow. it is BETTER for inexperienced men to learn sex and how to deal with women from experienced women. stop worrying about being ""compared"", youre just going to dump her in a year or two anyway",,0,-Shes-A-Carnival,2024-01-03 14:28:08 PurplePillDebate,18wbs6l,Was cold appraching more successful before social media and online dating became common?,"Cold approaching In this day in age is usually looked down upon and seen as awkward. Usually when you ask a girl out by cold approaching you get the typical ""I have a boyfriend"" response. Did they typically use that excuse back then as well? Im really curious to know if cold approaching was always this difficult.",,29,Trappedinthesystem,2024-01-02 00:41:48 PurplePillDebate,18wefdh,Discussion: Why is the % of men/women who have ever had a biological child so low and delayed? Is this a reflection of the changing dating market and sexual behaviour of people in USA?,"The CDC released a report for 2015-2019 in terms of the rates of parenting biological children by age and gender. What it found was that by the age of 40-49, around 84% of women have had at least one biological child whilst only 76.5% of men in that same age group had ever fathered a biological child. WHy is this number so low? I thought it was low sample size but they used tens of thousands of responses for the data which is a huge number. Also I cant help but notice that by the ages of 30-35, only around half of men ever fathered a child whilst more than 70% of women had. Isnt this like the prime childbearing age where most people have children? The number for men also jumps to 70% from 50% but that occurs in their late 30s. This is all very confusing to me. I thought that more than 90% of people would have had children by their mid 30s. Why are these numbers so low? Does it reflect the fact that people dont want kids or something else such as a shifting dating culture. Only 3/4 men by their mid 40s will ever father a child which seems very low.",,19,Business_Window_6232,2024-01-02 02:44:42 PurplePillDebate,18vz03s,Is casual sex worth the risk of herpes?,"I love sex and all, but if herpes were the only STD in the world, I still can't see how casual sex would be worth it. Find a flaw in the logic here please. Stat dump: 15% of people in the US have Herpes. They are contagious about 15% of the time (shedding). Condoms are only 65% effective against it. This brings the chance of infection from a ONE TIME HOOKUP to 1.5%. If it's a long term friend with benefits, you’re definitely getting it while they’re contagious so that person is a 15% chance of getting it. How is the casual lifestyle worth the risk in any way? If you get it, asymptomatic or not, you’re screwing over tons of other people and yourself.",,7,TruthHurtsPal,2024-01-01 15:30:29 PurplePillDebate,18vwa6j,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, etc... in this thread. Here you can post everything you don't think warrants it's own thread. Or just do some socialising. Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. &#x200B; If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,10,AutoModerator,2024-01-01 13:00:20 PurplePillDebate,18w98lz,Is there a double standard when it comes to women and men being single? Does one have it worse than the other?,I like to think men don't get judged as harsh but I think there's a lot of guys out there to who view being single as a deadly sin. I've heard stuff to like a single man over 35 has more value and a single women over 35 is becoming less valuable. Don't know how true that is. ,,0,spankyourkopita,2024-01-01 22:51:30 PurplePillDebate,18vkg96,Why do feminists and red-pillers make it seem like it's either one extreme or the other when it comes to a woman having a career or a family?,"For instance, you hear a lot of feminists say ""be a boss babe and dedicate your life to career you don't need no man slay queen"". On the opposite side, you have a lot of red-pill men who say ""if women eventually want a husband and kids, they shouldn't try to pursue a career. Else no man is ever gonna want them"". Each of these statements seem somewhat ludicrous to me...why can't a woman have both a decent career and a desire to have a family? You can have a career without making it your whole life and personality...and there's also the fact that a lot of couples don't immediately start having kids straight after they get married. I guess what I'm trying to ask the men in the sub is this: For those of you that are more traditional minded, is it a turn-off if a girl has a career and is self-sufficient? I'm not talking about a girl whose all about her career. Just someone that has a job to sustain their life. Me personally, I think it's super unrealistic to expect women to just not work and wait until a man comes to them. Particularly in the US, our economy and culture simply doesn't allow for that. Sure, if the girl was rich, she could maybe do it. But that just isn't possible for the majority of women. ",,29,No_Researcher_9726,2023-12-31 23:59:17 PurplePillDebate,18vg91l,Do you that marriage is largely obsolete today now that social norms have been largely relaxed?,"So I personally don't think that marriage should be a legal institution at all, I really don't think that a person's relationship has any business to do with the government. I think the government should stay out of our lives and our bedrooms, and I don't think that it's really any concern of the state whether or not I marry somebody. So the legal aspect of marriage is pretty much bunk and has always been, but I'm talking more specifically about the social aspect of it. Back in the day, you could not reproduce without getting married, or else you were burned at the stake. Women literally were not allowed to leave their homes, and you had to go through the whole courting process and talking to her father and getting permission, everything was very socially rigid around that because marriage was more about families intermingling their wealth rather than love. It was a business transaction, you are exchanging an incubator that could give you Offspring in exchange for your wealth that would go to the father. One of the reasons why wedding rings started to exist was because they were a marker. If a woman had a wedding ring, she was owned by her husband, if she did not have a wedding ring she was owned by her father. It's kind of gross how we've Twisted it into being about romance these days when the origins of marriage are so cold and superficial. But society and general has become a lot more socially liberal since then, and people regularly have kids before marriage and have sex before marriage, so from a social standpoint unless you're very religious, I just don't think that marriage really means anything these days. It's certainly doesn't give your relationship more legitimacy, whatever that means. I'd like to get people's thoughts down below, do you think that marriage has a place in society today, or do you think that through our more liberal social ideas that we've kind of made marriage obsolete?",,34,Tripp_583,2023-12-31 20:23:01 PurplePillDebate,18vci3c,Double standard with “bum partners”?,"It’s a common gripe to hear women talking about how after a getting married or being in a LTR for a while, their partner lets himself go, becomes lazy, stops making an effort in their appearance, just becomes a total bum, the woman rightfully loses attracted and enthusiasm, and gives the man an ultimatum or ends the marriage or relationship. She is seen as the victim in this case by those around her. When the tables are turned and the woman is the one becomes the bum, there’s always an excuse other than “she became a bum”. “Maybe she’s depressed”, “why don’t you appreciate the things she does do”, “why did you get with her then… you knew what you were getting into” On the topic of depression since it is worth discussing: - I have seen cases around me where the man who is the “bum” insists he’s depressed and his partner brushes it off as BS that he’s using as an excuse for his laziness - I have seen cases around me where when the woman is the “bum”, those around the couple insist she must be depressed but when the man confronts the woman about it, she assures him she’s not depressed but those around them assure him she must be denying it and if not, it must be due to a range of complexities besides pure laziness Is this purely anecdotal in my circle or does this double standard actually exist? If so, why?",,50,standardissuegerbil,2023-12-31 17:25:32 PurplePillDebate,18vx4gy,Do you feel like the sexual revolution benefits men more than women?,"Do you feel like the sexual revolution and hookup culture was supposed to create equality between the sexes and eliminate stigmas, but ended up mostly benefiting men and letting them off the hook from needing to commit or grow as a person to get sex? I’m curious on your views Thanks for your input",,0,d4rkw3b5,2024-01-01 13:49:55 PurplePillDebate,18vbbtq,"How low would autistic guys have to set their standards, if women only date up?","It seems that autistic women go for NT men all the time here according to other autistic guys, so if this is true, and it's almost impossible for autistic guys to get an autistic gf as a result, how low would they have to lower their standards? For example, I know an autistic guy who's wife is in a wheelchair. Not that there's anything wrong with that of course, but I mean that's an example, since most NT guys would date an autistic woman, but they would not compromise on it if the woman cannot walk. That's just one example, but does an example like this show that autistic guys will have more success if they lowered their standards a lot more? Or have most already lowered their standards as far as they can pretty much go, but still no success for most, unfortunately? ",,51,harmonica2,2023-12-31 16:31:18 PurplePillDebate,18vd43g,Has intelligence become less valuable in todays dating society?,"From what I’ve noticed way too many people nowadays can make success in other means beyond education in which was what primarily required education to flourish. Women particularly want to date for fun or experience rather than security. It makes me wonder if it’s as important nowadays as compared to looks money and status.",,37,MajesticRate1818,2023-12-31 17:54:38 PurplePillDebate,18wblmh,"Reproducing older is creating a generation of disabled kids, and it is morally abhorrent","Both men and women [reproducing in older ages](https://www.spectrumnews.org/news/link-parental-age-autism-explained/) contribute to a huge percent of kids being autistic. There is virtually no way to know at pregnancy if a kid will be autistic, so there is no way to abort the baby before that. In 2000, 1 in 150 kids were autistic... fast forward in 2020, 1 in 36 is. This is a disaster, an epidemic. These kids will never contribute enough to society, they will create a load to social network, while fewer and fewer younger people are born to take care of an elder population and younger disabled people. People don't realize [the hell this is.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j4PTf7LgsIE) Why? Only because a few people were selfish enough to have kids over 35. [https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/autism/data.html](https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/autism/data.html)",,0,EuphoricBrightTipper,2024-01-02 00:33:49 PurplePillDebate,18vi4f7,Why would conservative women be more happy ?,"Why would conservative women be more happy, if they have fully internalized and accepted that their role is to be subservient to men, and to always put their needs last in constrast to their husband's needs always being first ? Why would conservative women be more happy, if they reject divorce no matter how much they are mistreated in their relationships emotionally and physicially, all for the sake of preserving the happy family image they to cast on to the external world ? Why would conservative women be more happy, if they are more likely to never confront the misogyny in their surrounding that's constantly and endlessly drilled into them no matter how much it breaks them to do so ? I personally see no reason for why conservative women would be happier and less likely to exhibit mental illness symptoms than their non-conservative counterparts if the formers have to resign to accepting all of the self-deprecating non-sense the latter would reject without hesitation. Other than maybe conservative women not being upfront about how tormented they are and being less likely to seek therapy.",,5,shedernatinus,2023-12-31 21:55:46 PurplePillDebate,18uvm7v,All evidence suggests that people prefer a bad relationship to loneliness,"It is almost a mantra to say that ""It is better to be alone than with someone you don't love"". Sure, I get it makes no much sense to be with someone abusive, but clearly many people choose relationships even if there is no love, and rather prefer to stay in some kind of relationship than deal with loneliness. Some examples: 1. People prefer to marry again, even having terrible experiences with marriage. 2. Plenty of men don't love their wives but still prefer to stay, which may explain why women are the ones that ask for divorce the most. In any case, it seems plenty of people, usually men, prefer a loveless marriage than loneliness. 3. There is social status in being married or being in a relationship. You are also invited and welcome to wider social activities, you have more friends by extension, etc. This is why women often lie about having a boyfriend (that is a fuckboy with multiple women) and why men get depressed after breakups. 4. Plenty of people remain in abusive relationship or stay attached to abusive partners. Sure, you may explain this on trauma or brainwashing, but at the end it seems that they do prefer that over being alone. 5. Plenty of women want relationships but cannot get them, so they use hook ups as a replacement for them, to deal with loneliness.",,63,EuphoricBrightTipper,2023-12-31 01:23:40 PurplePillDebate,18v3qk4,How comfortable are you dating someone that uses drugs?,"Apart from alcohol? I'm in my 20s a fair amount of my workmates use drugs (20s to 40s). The most commonly used illicit drugs are cannabis, ecstasy, and cocaine. I've asked this question a few times on a womens subs and the majority of the answers were no. I was surprised at that given the demographics of the site (mostly young people). &#x200B;",,12,laoisekeys,2023-12-31 08:55:51 PurplePillDebate,18uz1jl,Women suffer from oneitis at least as much as men in my experience,"and for one reason or another it's generally considered a lot less creepy and shameful. In fact I would say it's worse in women's cases purely because most women have far more suitors than most men do, so to that end it makes more sense why a man might become obsessed with a woman who has shown interest in him (which isn't to say that it's a reasonable response but it's more understandable) And when I think about my male and female friends, it has been the guys who have generally been harassed or stalked by ex girlfriends more than vice versa, one got their dog kidnapped and another one had their car scratched. I suppose men are statistically more likely to actually physically harm of murder women they're obsessed with which contributes to the stereotype of their cathexis being comparatively creepier. Also, I know several intelligent, beautiful women who have at one point or another been eating out of the hand of a shameless piece of shit who treats them like dirt. It always staggers me how such women who have endless options end up getting tunnel vision on a particular guy who oftentimes isn't even anything special to the extent that they will ignore far more respectful and even successful men who show interest in them. (question: how do women generally determine who to pursue relative to men?) Maybe there's a sociological cause as women still fight the stigma of being devalued for their promiscuity which makes them more inclined to focus on one guy at a time? I hate to make generalizations because this sort of thing is very individualized but I've noticed that men are often accused of succumbing to oneitis more than women, but I believe this is bullshit, and the nature of the obsession isn't generally any more extreme or creepy either. ",,26,StaticNocturne,2023-12-31 04:14:45 PurplePillDebate,18v6dck,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, etc... in this thread. Here you can post everything you don't think warrants it's own thread. Or just do some socialising. Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. &#x200B; If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,5,AutoModerator,2023-12-31 12:00:14 PurplePillDebate,18usse2,"One of the biggest miscommunications between men and women is that when a man expresses emotional and sexual interest in a woman, the women assumes he ONLY wants sex.","Emotional attraction and sexual attraction aren't mutually exclusive, but a lot of women seem to think so. No matter how carefully or politely a guy brings up the topic of sex or physical attraction when dating, there's a chance the woman is going to accuse the guy of seeing her as a sex object. Most men want both an emotional and sexual connection with a woman, but when forced to choose between one or the other, they choose the latter. And men shouldn't have to feel like they need to continously sweep a woman off her feet with romantic gestures and wait until she brings up the topic of sex and never even think of sex until she does. Sexual compatibility is important in any relationship and should be brought up fairly early on. And even on a more casual basis, if a guy says something like ""X celeb is really hot"" a lot of woman automatically assume that he thinks she's dumb and/or has zero personality. But that's almost never the case.",,51,LogicalLetterhead272,2023-12-30 23:16:52 PurplePillDebate,18uw6ng,"To women who have had both casual flings and longer-term partners, did your attraction to your long-term partners ever match up to your visceral lust for your flings?","This is for women who have been with guys in both casual and longer-term relationships. With respect to you hook-ups vs. those with whom you had longer relationships (excluding hook ups who later converted to LTR), was your visceral attraction for those you had longer term relationships with ever on par with the initial visceral attraction you had for your short term partners? As in, did you ever get to a point where you saw your long-term partners and thought ""I'd fuck him even if it was NSA and he only cared about me for the sex"", or did your sexual appreciation for him permanently hinge on the contingent of emotional investment, long term security, etc? I ask this because a frequent anxiety among men below the attractiveness threshold for short-term flings is that the women they do eventually partner with will consider them less viscerally attractive than the men they fucked freely and without explicit aims to partner long-term, and look at them with less lust and unabated desire. The more average, less sexually fortunate men are often concerned they are a de-facto emotional/financial support offering to a girl who has ""had her fun"". They worry that in their relationship, in contrast to the girl's short-term flings, or the relationship of a hookup turned LTR, there will be less frequent sexual initiation, less passionate sex and foreplay, less of a ""sexual charge"" in conversations and interactions, less exciting/varied sex and a higher chance of an eventual ""dead bedroom"" (i.e. periods of no sex for one month or more barring extenuating circumstances). It would be very helpful for men who believe this to hear a genuine, non-shaming or manipulative rebuttal that properly articulates how a woman's sexuality could reasonably not follow this pattern, which seems to be a frequently observed issue in a number of failed relationships where it turns out the girl was never really that into the guy on a sexual level.",,17,Last-Associate6971,2023-12-31 01:50:12 PurplePillDebate,18uenoe,Why are people only inquisitive when women fall short?,"I've seen it in real life and constantly on this website. If a woman fails, whether in her career, family, friendships or anything really, society really wants to start asking questions. What's going on with her work/home life? Is she dealing with any stressors? Is she sick or recovering from sickness? Does she have undiagnosed mental illness? Was she abused in her childhood? Does she have past relationship trauma? &#x200B; The list goes on and on. But what I do not see, is ANY of this when a man fails. The only response in that case is that yeah, he sucks and everyone in the vicinity of his day-to-day should abandon ship before he ruins them too. &#x200B; Why is this? I assume it's because men are just expected to be more accountable but I'm curious if there is a more reasonable/progressive justification.",,88,Im_Unsure_For_Sure,2023-12-30 12:31:08 PurplePillDebate,18unlic,Would many men still remain anti marriage if new laws were created by getting a divorce harder and abolishing alimony except in truly legitimate cases?,"If new laws were created treating marriage more ""serious"" and preventing people( mainly women because they iniate around 70% of all divorces) of asking for a divorce for any silly reason rather a mature reason( example of a silly reason for a divorce in my opinion is ""my husband has lower sex drive than me"" but a mature and a smart reason a divorce would be "" my husband or wife beat me up and I'm a victim of domestic violence""), would men feel ""safer"" to want to get marriage since women would have less ""power"" to get a divorce? Also many women marry to get money or for finantial security rather than the legitimate reason which is love ( men are less likely to be gold diggers) and many women marry thinking that if they seek a divorce they will get a easily monthly income named alimomy and half of his assets. If law evolved by making alimony an exceptal thing apart from cases that really make sense ( for example a rich guy or woman marry a much poorer person or the ex have already a certain age or a certain condition that make them harder to get a job). In fact I'm not against alimony but it should be only paid if the ex really need it. Many men complain that women are gold diggers and they don't marry for love but marry for finantial and material gains. If divorce was more seriously regulated would most guys want to get married?",,26,sabrynekrystal1992,2023-12-30 19:32:39 PurplePillDebate,18uhk7u,"Q4W: Why is there a ""Fear of crime gender paradox""?","Men are less fearful of violent crime than women despite being at much higher risk of violent crime than women. This phenomenon is termed by researchers as the ""fear of crime gender paradox""¹ because it's irrational. I personally think this is due to 3 main reasons: 1. The threat of sexual violence is way higher for us than for males - some would rather die than be raepd 2. Our obsession with true crime would have us believe every stranger is a serial killer 3. A story about a woman being attacked or gone missing gets WAY more coverage than a male I think because of these 3 things (primarily) our minds are warped into being more fearful despite the statistics. 👉 What are your thoughts on my hypothesis or on this paradox? Do you think fear should be commensurate with reality? [1] Noon, Michelle (2018). Exploring the fear of crime gender paradox using quasi-experimental methods (PDF) (PhD). Swinburne University of Technology",,31,Windmill_flowers,2023-12-30 15:04:44 PurplePillDebate,18ue4fh,Are young adults infantilized? How does this affect dating?,"I saw a post on Twitter saying something like ""25 yo are still too young to have kids"". What's crazy is that my parents had me when they were 30 and back in the 80s they were considered on the older side as far as parents go...Most of my classmates' parents had them in their mid 20s. Nowadays in the big cities most people don't have kids until they're like 33. Another thing I've noticed is the demonization of small age gaps. I am not talking about like 20 years, but I have seen zoomers say that 5 years between adults is weird. for example if a 28 up dates a 23 yo, the 28 yo is called a creep because apparently people become adults at 25 when the brain fully develops. Also , zoomers seem to hate sex scenes in movies and I wonder if it's because most of them are very sexually inexperienced, so sex makes them uncomfortable. Moreover, according to this study, 50% of men ages 18-20 are virgins. Even if we assume the stats are misleading, it's probably close to the truth based on the trends I see. Teens during the 90s were hooking up like crazy and I am not saying everything was great, but at least there weren't too many 25 yo virgins. [https://unusualwhales.com/news/young-male-virginity-is-on-the-rise](https://unusualwhales.com/news/young-male-virginity-is-on-the-rise) And yes being a late bloomer especially as a man can be a bad thing. Not only do these men often develop a weird complex when it comes to women, but women their age are likely to be weirded out if they hear a man is still a virgin in his 20s and this lowers their chances to find a relationship even more. My guess is that we have seen nothing yet . Marriage rates will hit a new low within the next 15 years. AI girlfriends/boyfriends will be a huge thing. Sex will be seen as a gross act like in Demolition Man and only immigrants will have kids.",,48,Novel-Tip-7570,2023-12-30 11:59:02 PurplePillDebate,18unbbg,"Uncomfortable Red Pill Facts, yes from multiple studies, For Women. Ladies please explain!","The women on this reddit love to crap all over the so called red pill. Even though there is a wide range of redpill content and beliefs that not even all the red pill content creators come close to agreeing on. There are plenty of red pill creators that believe men and women belong together. All that is neither here nor there. What I want is for some level headed logical woman to explain to me why women only swipe right on 4-6 percent of male profiles on dating apps, and it doesnt seem to change much regardless of the woman's attractiveness level meaning an unattractive woman is swiping on the same profiles as the most attractive women, and why multiple studies show that women believe roughly 85% of the men they view on the apps are average or below average attractiveness wise. Meanwhile these same studies show men swipe on 40-60% of female profles and rate women on attractiveness on a fair bell curve. Are all our profiles still terrible? I feel like thats the usual response. Studies all flawed? Even though a lot of these are done by the dating apps/websites themselves or legitimate social scientists/researchers. Instruct this poor red pilled cretin!",,11,Reasonable-Cookie783,2023-12-30 19:20:41 PurplePillDebate,18ul706,Should people only date within their leagues or is that unrealistic?,"There are posts on here about how people do not like if autistic people are dating non-autistic because then autistic people do not have as much of a chance. There are also posts about how people do not like relationships with age gaps because they are not fair to older people, younger people, etc. And when it comes to passport bros, people feel that if the guy is richer than the woman, it's okay if the woman is white, but if she is a different race and the guy is richer, well then that is problematic, etc. Or how you see a couple where one is thin and one is overweight (usually it's the guy who is the thin one, but it is almost never the other way around), should we shame that person for selling out, when more overweight people need lovers, etc? So there are people who feel that people should only date within their league, but is that realistic?  Should we shame an autistic person for dating an NT person for example, and telling them they are being a sell out for doing so, because there are more NT people that need lovers? Or should we shame a person for dating someone outside of their age range because other people that age range need lovers, or people of that race/culture, need people from that culture, etc. Or should we 'fat shame' someone, for dating someone who is thin, and calling them a sell out for doing so, etc? Or is it unrealistic that people can always find happiness if they stick to their own leagues, and therefore, people need to embrace differences when dating because that is the only way we are going to find our special someone?",,9,harmonica2,2023-12-30 17:48:53 PurplePillDebate,18urhlk,Is it worth it dating a super hot girl?,"\- She will have the power of being able to bed a super handsome man instantly. Causing her to try to dominate me or be less forgiving \- The men she will get attention from will make her feel tempted to cheat \- She will compare my objective beauty to her's. Obviously her's will be higher. So on a human to human level she will think she has something better than me and thus see me as ""lower"" to her \- She may have bad too many negative experiences from other men and overthink all of my actions &#x200B; I don't care if other men try to talk to her. It is up to her to not reply to them. So other men are not a concern to me",,4,Consistent-Gur6932,2023-12-30 22:21:22 PurplePillDebate,18ue23v,Dating vs Marriage,"I’ve been around long enough that many of my peers have been divorced, and many are on 2nd+ marriages. One thing all these relationships have had in common is that things were fantastic when both parties could end the relationship and walk away with what they brought in. People tend to be on their best behavior in that scenario. When commitment is made and one party has significantly more to lose, issues seem to start to arise, and the relationship becomes unbalanced. Sex, which was once enjoyed freely together often becomes weaponized for example. Having observed this many times over, I have to admit that as a successful man in today’s society, I simply see massive benefits to keeping a relationship equal(both parties walk away cleanly) rather than entering a contract where the other party is rewarded if the relationship is ended. Interested in hearing your thoughts?",,27,Ylduts,2023-12-30 11:54:45 PurplePillDebate,18v63ig,"Nobody ever died from the house not being perfectly clean and tidy all the time, yet women's complaints that the man doesn't help around the house enough are taken super seriously, but a man is called a selfish asshole if he complains about lack of sex","""No-one died from lack of sex"", well no-one died from an untidy house either. I am not saying it's right to be a slob, but I have noticed that if a woman complains on reddit about how the man isn't helping enough with the chores, people take what she says super seriously. But if a man complains about lack of sex he's called a pig and it's assumed everything is his fault. There are people right now, even with kids, who live in messy houses, are perfectly happy with the mess and do chores only once a week. Guess what, nobody died from this even if it's not ideal. I am not saying you should live like a slob, but why is it perfectly acceptable to stop having sex with your spouse? There are studies that show that sex is associated with better health outcomes and better psychology. The idea that sex is not important is BS, it clearly is important for many people.",,0,Novel-Tip-7570,2023-12-31 11:41:00 PurplePillDebate,18uk3zv,LOOKS WEEKLY DISCUSSION THREAD,"&#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/3aHh4trC7B) Include your reddit username, pill color, age and gender when you arrive in the welcome mat to introduce yourself and help people get to know you. &#x200B; You can also find Mrs\_Drgree on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/?hl=en) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree) for notifications on when good threads are posted.",,9,AutoModerator,2023-12-30 17:01:24 PurplePillDebate,18u1bcx,If a man is a late bloomer wouldn’t it be more natural for him to date down in age to where he would be more likely to find someone closer to him experience wise?,"Like a woman who’s dated around for a decade isn’t a good match for a guy who just found his feet. These people would have very little in common beyond their age and besides she’d most likely not even want to date someone who doesn’t match her experience, not in a genuine fashion anyway. So if let’s say you’re an inexperienced 27 year old guy, isn’t an 19 year old inexperienced girl going to be more compatible with you than a 27 year old very experienced girl?",,106,Pizzashillsmom,2023-12-29 23:55:08 PurplePillDebate,18ud6uc,"The concept of ""dating"" and having healthy relationships cannot co-exist","""Dating"" is a very American concept, especially for adults in their 20s, 30s and 40s. Having multiple partners, and so many options continuously makes both men and women less tolerant, more picky, more jaded and more damaged when it comes to being committed. Countries that have healthy male-female dynamics generally do not have a heavy ""dating"" culture. It is weird and frowned upon to be ""dating"", and society will be pressuring anyone dating to quickly progress it to a serious relationship and then marriage. Americans want healthy male-female dynamics and non jaded, non judgemental, non picky men and women but also want a plentiful ""dating scene"" for all ages. You can't have both. ",,5,[deleted],2023-12-30 10:56:37 PurplePillDebate,18tnyid,Everything about the current dating scene makes it far more likely for sexually successful men to become unempathetic and leave women emotionally hurt," As a man who is above average height and looks so can truly see how being nice vs being selfish /fuckboy affects treatment. There is simply no reason to be selfless at best it’s neutral (rarely), most of the time you are pegged as a weak man and mistreated. My experience if you let women feel insecure, rarely comfort them never chase, don’t care and dgaf about being extremely emotionally hurtful. You get nothing but respect, far better results in attracting hot women and little effort expended. She will chase your validation hard, when you make her feel worthless she craves you more and just lashes out at one of her chump nice guy orbiters to make herself feel better. Because I long ago was that guy being the nice friend who has never once done her wrong always loyal and selfless. Literally had a woman cry and say”I’m sorry I have no idea why I was so abusive, you’ve never done wrong to me”. It’s because you’re the punching bag they don’t respect and lash out at when the guy they chase hurts them, I’ve seen the messages when I became that guy. When You’re the headstrong confident guy who doesn’t care about her and lets her know it, you never get that treatment. Women come to you for validation, they never disrespect you. Instead they’re always hesitating and apologizing and judging themselves “oh I know I sound stupid” “I hate my x you don’t mind my z do you?” As a guy there is simply no reason to say yes to women if they ask you to do something like slave for them “help me pack I’m moving” that actually means she doesn’t respect you. She just made it easier to bang the guy she really wants. Because when a woman’s chasing you and you’re not giving her time she is hesitant to bother you, she wants to validate YOU by doing things for YOU not the other way round. She’s more likely to brag to the guy she’s banging (yes this happened) “hey apathetic, look what I had this loser do for me”. Being nice is thoroughly beaten out of a lot of us men. If you do kind things for women and express pleasure doing it you will be seen as weak. Women have a high ick factor and weak men give them revulsion some women will literally give you abuse because they can’t help it in their teens and twenties. It’s like a kid instinctively splattering a peaceful bee. Men get told well women that chase arrogant guys who let them wallow insecurity are immature, and to not think of it. But the time of our lives most centred around having fun is our teens to mid twenties when people are in their prime. That’s an admission that women during the entire time it matters are chasing the qualities we are told are immoral. People say that yet if you are not sexually active you’re seen as a loser. But people will grudgingly respect you if you seem to have a lot of women into you despite being selfish. People complain about sluts vs playboys. But it’s simple. When you hear a man has had 400 partners vs a woman. What would you guess if your life depended on it? The man is either, very rich, a celebrity or famous persons or Casanova. The woman? She likely was doing sex work/pornography or has some kind of issues. So why would you choose to be a chump. One gets you respect and proper treatment even slavish behaviour from attractive women, one leaves you disrespected getting the worst side of women. Admittedly only trashy women do this, classy women are kind in my experience but why would a beautiful classy woman be plentiful. I let one like that get away, they’re single like 3 months their entire lives, boyfriend at 17 for 6 years, another for 5 then married and kids. Maybe a few join the dating market later and only an idiot like me takes her for granted and dumps her. I think everything about the current dating scene is why guys like me have no incentive to become selfless again or be kind and uplifting. It pays far more to let women be emotionally hurt and wallow in insecurity. I admit it hurts me as a guy seeing how I have to sit there and listen to a perfectly nice and pretty woman say “I feel ugly” “I don’t like my x” and it’s better to not even hide my annoyance at her whining and accept her self degradation. Because when past I would put my energy into uplifting such a woman, telling her she’s beautiful and saying “no you’re beautiful” it’s like you get punished and your attraction has less power for not letting her feel less than you. I think people would be surprised by how many “unempathetic” and “emotionally distant” bad boys started out as selfless men who were extremely romantic and wanted to always give love but found they only got far more occurrences of ill treatment, disrespect and loss of attraction. I admit there were rare cases where I attracted a woman by being as truly loving and selfless as possible but it was far outweighed by negatives, it’s not worth the effort. My final point. It makes no sense for women to complain about men being emotionally distant and engaging in emotionally hurtful behaviours when that is what is rewarded. Being selfless and kind is evokes revulsion in women. Nothing makes you feel uglier than the look or a woman degrading you when you were only kind. Whereas being a bad boy, women always act right and will constantly try and please you, they’ll fall in line to feel less than you and seek your approval.",,161,Xx-Apatheticjaws-xX,2023-12-29 14:10:16 PurplePillDebate,18v0n8j,Can a person's sexual body parts be complimented in a non-sexual way?,"For example, it is taken as an offence if a guy tells a girl that she has nice boobs. However, men would take a bulge compliment cheerfully. But both scenarios have sexual overtones. This creates the question: can you see breasts, buttocks, penises and just admire the beauty of them, not sexually? Would we ever live in a society where this is possible?",,0,mortblanc,2023-12-31 05:41:34 PurplePillDebate,18tmc2b,Have any of the men here just stopped bothering with dating?,"I see this in some of my friends, and also in myself. Dating is (especially as an ND person) extremely mentally and emotionally taxing. There is little payoff and high risk in terms of falling in love then getting hurt. I have plenty of female friends and acquaintances whom I value and enjoy spending time with, before anyone pulls the misogyny card. Perhaps this is a modern thing, but I don't think so- the Romans were making laws trying to encourage marriage 2000 years ago. I'm curious to get any information from other men about this. Please note, this is not a request for personal advice and support- I am just including this information for the purposes of being truthful: I'm 20 and I work/study full time as well as practicing a combat sport pretty intensely; so it's not like I'm old or asocial.",,139,[deleted],2023-12-29 12:44:33 PurplePillDebate,18ud8yp,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, etc... in this thread. Here you can post everything you don't think warrants it's own thread. Or just do some socialising. Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. &#x200B; If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,2,AutoModerator,2023-12-30 11:00:33 PurplePillDebate,18u2ibt,General discussion regarding Red Pill Men,"Hello, I need to clarify that I am relatively new to Reddit and especially this side of reddit but this subreddit has peaked my interest and I've created an alt hoping to have a decent discussion. I plan to discuss a few common points I see by Red Pill Men; from the POV of another man, it's mostly directed to men who 'have taken the red pill"". Just my background; I'm currently a lawyer and in law school I did an extensive study on feminism during Jurisprudence studies. I've went through about a hundred posts on this subreddit over a few days and I do apologise if I get some phrases wrong. But I couldn't really get a good understanding on what Red Pill meant, but their common arguments are: 1) Women only go for the above average man. 2) Because of women's 'standards' they deserve to be alone, etc, etc. 3) I've given up on dating because no one's given me a chance. Let's address point 1). Yes... but you're only looking at the women who would also be considered above average? How about the vast majority of women who are already in normal relationships, or the average woman who is never given a chance. Most people aim for people in their own league, there are delusional people who aim wayyy over their league, and it's a very tough pill to swallow, but if you're constantly getting shot down... are you sure you're not one of the aforementioned delusional people? From a man's POV, I've never known anyone in real life who are having the issues that are so prevalent on reddit, I'm starting to believe that low self-esteem and some self doubt is creating some sort of bubble where men who have similar issues are in constant communication and only further 'confirms' their issues. From my personal POV, I'm 25 and currently working in the UK (which I assume is the 'Western' world, alot of Red Pill Men believe dating in Asia or Eastern Europe will be easier for some odd reason; I'm originally from East Asia). For real life 'meeting' have you actually genuinely just tried talking to women? I see alot of men talking about how it's impossible for 'them' specifically to meet women in real life. Never in their comments will they include scenarios where they actually tried and failed; they just instantly start with self doubt. Or when they do; the way the women reacts it sounds like they're approaching someone WAYYY out of their league expecting them to fall in love with them immediately. Let's just do some maths (I'm bad at math), when I would leave the house for work, I'd atleast talk to 1 - 3 new people a day, there's a 50% chance theyre female. That's 5 women a week, obviously not all of them are in the dating range; so I'd average it out to 1 potential partner a week. Even if you didn't have a social job, and had 1/4 the interactions, that's still 1 potential partner a month. How is that impossible odds? Even when I was in college/University I still met most of my short and long term partners randomly; in the library, on the train, when ordering drinks at a bar, random social events, etc, etc. The original point is that women go for 'above average' men, so whats your definition of above average? Wealth? Well how would a woman know how rich you are; unless you're flaunting your wealth, then obviously expect to attract the wrong women. Looks? Looks can always be improved, I see so many men giving up in their mid 20s or 30s just because they're not fit... and again with the self doubt and not even trying. Height? Well that's just genetics, and if a woman is shallow enough to care then why bother? It's the same as men having a maximum weight/figure for woman, if you can't afford to exclude the majority of women from your dating pool... then don't? You do understand that both sides fantasise to date the top 20%, but if you're not in the top 20% it's just a fantasy. Point 2), I do agree with this, but it's been blown out of proportion; I do believe delusional PEOPLE will never be in a relationship they're content with, and this applies to both genders. If you're bitter about women having high standards and should be alone in the future... maybe take a look in the mirror, it also applies to you. The biggest wake up call I can think of for this is: ask yourself ""If you were a woman will you date yourself? Why? Why not another man? What puts me above the average man?"" If you're unable to answer this without putting down the average man, it's a case of 'I will drag you down to my level'. Lastly point 3). The same men who claim they've 'given up' still for some odd reason have expectations for women to give them a chance. For example if you've given up on studying how would you ever expect to pass a test? Or if you let go of the steering wheel how are you going to get to your destination? What happened to being a man? Nothing falls on your lap, nothing is free, no one will love you unconditionally, no one owes you anything regardless of gender. The second you give up, stop comparing yourself to other people's success. And I have a side question for this discussion; specifically aimed at people who's never been in a relationship. Do you think if you manage to get into a relationship/have sex your entire life will be fixed overnight? Why whenever I read Red Pill Men complain about never being given a chance; it sounds like if they got into a relationship or lost their virginity it would solve everything in their life? You do know if you build it up so high in your head you'll eventually be disappointed when it happens, which then becomes a vicious cycle of just hating women for some unrealistic expectations you built up yourself. TL:DR: Being Red Pill just sounds like you're being a hypocrite on 'standards', or you've just admitted you've given up but still expect women to give you a chance.",,7,Due-Ruin6119,2023-12-30 00:49:35 PurplePillDebate,18tqvod,"Do men feel ""threatened"" when a more attractive male enters the room?","I read this study about how women treat other women (that they don't know) poorly if she's more attractive. Ostensibly because they feel ""threatened"". (I have been trying to check myself to make sure I don't subconsciously do this to other women) https://www.nytimes.com/2013/11/19/science/a-cold-war-fought-by-women.html The article is fascinating! 👉My question, is it similar for males? It might be difficult to answer because if I were just presenting with this question, I'd be like, *""No way, women don't do that! I personally would never do that, nor my friends!""* But the women who conducted this study are PhDs, so this isn't some fresh-n-fit broscience BS.",,33,Windmill_flowers,2023-12-29 16:22:26 PurplePillDebate,18tjwuu,Men need to stop jumping through hoops for women and stroking their egos just to get laid and get validation.,"I understand why men do this. They cater to women, play the roles expected of them by women and constantly flatter them and stroke their egos because it helps them get laid. But all this ultimately not only amounts to nothing in the end, but it also increases the entitlement and self-centeredness that many women (not all, but many) have. It also oversaturates the dating world with men who don't really know their value and will basically do anything to get laid, which means women begin to have absurd ""standards"" when it comes to men because they essentially want to be put on a pedestal and expect men to simp for them, like many men already do. Men need to also stop paying for dates like women expect them to do. It's 2023, women have jobs and can afford to pay for their own food. Paying for them only increases the entitlement and ego to the point where many women actually find it to be turn off when they have to pay for their own food, which is ridiculous. But men put up with this nonsense just to get sex and validation from women who don't even value them enough to pay for their own food. Not only that, but women care so little for men that not paying decreases the man's chances of a second date or of getting laid, which is actually a sad commentary on women. And yet men jump through hoops for these women. Unfortunately, none of this will change unless men stop pandering and catering to women, and caring so much about getting laid that they throw self-respect out of the window. &#x200B;",,80,Agreeable-Moment-760,2023-12-29 10:13:02 PurplePillDebate,18twzh7,Where do these things fall in priority to you?,"Simple question just State your gender and age and rank these things accordingy in terms of what you look for in a serious/long-term significant other. 1. Career 2. Money they make 3. Education 4. Looks/ Shape 5. Homemaking Skills 6. How they make you feel 7. Positive Personality/ mindset 8. Femininity/ Masculinity and how much they appeal to their specific gender role 9. Willingness to please you sexually Me personally 38 yo M, it goes: 7, 4, 6, 9, 8, 5, 1, 3, 2",,9,McTitty3000,2023-12-29 20:45:48 PurplePillDebate,18u2btt,Is hookup culture accessible to teetotalers?,"I have no doubt in my mind that it is possible for sober men to pick up women. Is it a hurdle or actually a benefit, that’s debatable, but nothing that can be overcome with practice. The issue is that most of the time, this happens in bars or parties where the women are doing some amount of drinking, or daygame where you’re not trying to escalate to sex right away, just escalate to a date later where alcohol will be present and then sex will come into play. It all assumes and needs the other person to be drinking, if not necessarily you, and that’s where the issue is. I believe, as a nondrinker, drinkers are fundamentally unavailable for you to court. You need to stick exclusively to courting other nondrinkers, or people who are sober at that particular moment in time. I’m not even talking about the blurry gray line that is hitting on drunk girls, or even when two people are at different levels of drunkenness/tipsiness. Drink one single drink and a world of women suddenly become available and socially acceptable, but without that drinkers and nondrinkers are two entirely different breeds, almost species, of people, with entirely different motivations and reasons for existing in the same spaces. Sure a nondrinker can hang at the bar or party spaces but a nondrinking man is playing by an entirely different set of rules than a drinking woman that makes casual sex unfair. And that’s where the issue is. Not can a sober man pick up women, but SHOULD he. So that would leave only sober women available for the man. Casual sex is a bigger moral jump than drinking- there’s plenty of people who will drink but not have casual sex, but the overwhelming majority of nondrinkers are not willing to have casual sex (the whole squares vs. rectangles thing). If you are required to pursue nondrinkers, this eliminates almost the entirety of the market out there. Actually, there never was a market for you. Two sober people engaging in casual sex just doesn’t happen. For a sober man trying to engage in hookup culture, the hurdles are not in his performance, or even necessarily on the availability of sober women, the hurdles are the rules of the game itself. ",,4,Infamous-Classroom82,2023-12-30 00:40:50 PurplePillDebate,18tpetz,Should people just give up and learn to be happy alone?,"And I don't mean this in terms of ""learn to be happy alone and wait for romance to come by chance."" I mean genuinely give up, and even if someone approaches you, just reject them. I say this because people talk all the time about how difficult and frustrating dating is, and then also go on to talk about how difficult and frustrating even maintaining a relationship is. Which makes me wonder, what's actually the point of it all then? If the whole thing is so difficult, just to achieve something that's frustrating and unfullfilling, what's the point? Especially if it's possible to be happy alone? Which then brings up the question of whether it's even possible to be happy alone? Do people keep searching for this mythical ""good relationship"" because happiness when alone is impossible? Which makes sense because there's endless studies showing how dangerous loneliness is both for your mental health, but also your physical health. But also those studies are looking at ""loneliness"" and not ""being alone"". Someone can feel lonely whilst having a loving family, wife/husband, kids, and friends, whereas someone can feel belonging whilst having no family, no romantic relationship, no kids, and no friends, just because they fill their time with solitary activities that they find so enjoying that they don't need or want to be around other people. Obviously on a societal scale, people need to reproduce to sustain the population, but I'm mainly talking about in terms of individual fullfillment. I'm quite undecided on the topic, so I'd like to hear other's opinions.",,16,SmoothForest,2023-12-29 15:18:09 PurplePillDebate,18u35us,Q4W: Would you want your son/hypothetical son to have children?,"Yes or No? And if yes, would you want him to have his biological children or adopted children/children from a woman's previous relationships? EDIT: you dont need to consider whether your son wants them or not, for this question. This is purely about your own desires. EDIT 2: treat this question as a yes or no question. Or like a poll question. You dont need to consider a 100 other factors relating to your son's wishes, your sons partner, the couple's goals, the childs well being, their financial situation etc etc. That isnt the focus of the question. This is purely about your own desires. Its only that. Part 1: do you want your son/ hypothetical son to have kids , yes or no. Part 2: if yes, do you want them to be his biological kids? Yes or no.",,2,Tight-Breeder,2023-12-30 01:20:07 PurplePillDebate,18tqlod,"Do you think older, single, childless, ""cat ladies"" are largely happy or not?","Regarding the ""cat lady"" phenomenon, my personal opinion is that since women are significantly more social than men are, they are likely to suffer more without close relationships and bonds with others. This doesn't necessarily have to come in the form of a husband but it is the most consistent option. Friends and siblings can easily grow distant due to relocation, since I think it's very rare in western cultures for adult friends/siblings to make an effort to stay close to one another. And also, if they start families of their own will have less time to spend with you and are more likely to hang out with other families, even if they're still geographically close. Of course I don't have a crystal ball and I think some masculinity influencers who claim that cat ladies are/will be miserable are overconfident in their assumptions. But this is a fairly recent phenomenon and these women are really pioneers, and it will be interesting to see how they turn out. If anyone has data on mental health and psychiatric drug use for this demographic I would love to see it.",,11,8mm_Magnum_Cumshot,2023-12-29 16:10:15 PurplePillDebate,18u19vw,CMV: I think most of TRP tenets apply to American women only,"I get this feeling that the postulates of the red pill only apply to American women, which seem to be sluttier and less traditional than women in third world countries. For the record I love America though, I admire many things about their culture (particularly their traditions of individualism, gun ownership and opposition to big governments), but I think their women have a serious problem that doesn't seem to be there in other places.",,3,SevereStreet8582,2023-12-29 23:53:12 PurplePillDebate,18tvx1h,"Women who go to dance clubs, how often do you and your friends end up meeting and hanging out with other groups of women you didnt know before?","Lots of women, especially young women, enjoy the clubbing experience. One thing I've noticed, though, is that groups of women tend to stick to themselves when they are at the club, unless they end up mingling with a group of guys and sort of hanging out for rhe night. Usually, one or two guys approach/hit on one or two of the women and this pushes both groups together for a while (the guys and women who are less apt to approach sort of follow the lead of their more outgoing friends they came with). So, my question is how often do different groups of girls who weren't already friends or acquinted end up mingling and dancing with each other? Do groups of women kind of avoid each other? I think men tend to stick to their group when clubbing or bar hopping, but I have seen exception.",,2,PrecisionHat,2023-12-29 20:00:12 PurplePillDebate,18t9c5h,Why do women pick the worst partners?,"In all of my life's experience I always hear about women getting into abusive relationships. They seem to rather pick the normie abusive ones instead of the weird quiet ones. It makes me think they like the abuse. They have the power feminist imbued into them so why don't they use it to leave the man? Why do they crawl back almost every time?",,102,BringBackTwinShadows,2023-12-29 00:31:46 PurplePillDebate,18toibu,Which gender deals with more conflicting expectations and scripts?,"Men have to be careful not to look at women for too long if they are not hot and they need to play completely different roles in ordinary niceties and sex. NSFW-Reddit is full of women posting nudes with tags like ""destroy my pussy"" or ""break this body"" and although they are not to be taken literally, it's still an interesting contrast to ordinary expectations of male behavior where men are supposed to downplay their physical dominance the best they can and even act meek towards angry women. Also men have to go through the delicate neurological process of becoming visibly genitally aroused in the presence of a woman despite being told their whole lives that naked men and their equipment is pretty nasty or comical. Sure a lot of women don't do that but people are likely to remember the negative comments more than the positive and men don't have any realistic way to compensate for the hurt by hoarding validation from women. For men validation is intimately tied to relationship status. Outside of relationship status they are mostly discouraged and might feel like nasty ogres. ",,6,MacaronFinancial,2023-12-29 14:36:40 PurplePillDebate,18tj3wp,Men who realised that they were conditioned to be Beta Bucks...,"All the men who realised that your whole life you had been working towards becoming a Beta Bucks without even knowing 1 How old were you? 2 How do you feel about it and deal with the realisation? 3 What action did you take afterwards? P.S. I'm 28 from India, a virgin with no relationship experience who always focused on education and career. Now in the process of Arranged Marriage. Reading RP content is making me think that I've just worked towards becoming a Beta Bucks.",,14,VirginBlueballs,2023-12-29 09:19:48 PurplePillDebate,18tegvu,Women will always say what makes themselves look good,"I have seen enough of this that this statement can be set in stone. It's undeniable. Let me gives you a few examples. First off, I used to visit strip clubs in my younger years. I wound up finding a message board dedicated to strippers and the amount of bullshit I saw on those forums was staggering. So many women there in denial of so many things. Like if you saw a topic about strippers going a little further than their job description entails in the VIP rooms to make some extra cash. So many of the posters there denying they ever did it or would ever consider doing it. It was a near consensus on that forum, which was stark contrast with what I knew to be true based on my own experiences at strip clubs. It was like the posters on that forum were competing for the role of head nun of the convent. It was ridiculous. And before you excuse that by saying that strippers are troubled, mentally ill people with daddy issues, I've also seen the same type of behaviour right here on Reddit. Just browsing this sub, you see so much nonsensical hypocritical views. They say one thing in one thread and the opposite in another depending on what makes them look good. Like you would see a woman say ""Women don't care about Chad. What's important is chemistry and compatibility."" Then if you were to come across a thread about the wall, you'll see the same women say ""The wall doesn't exist. Even at my age, I can still fuck Chad."" Then there's the thread a made the other day. I asked women if they ever took advantage of a simp to get what they wanted. Maybe 90% of the respondents said they never have and they would never sink so low to do this. Again, this is contrary to what I have personally witnessed outside of the internet. You see this is a recurring them of what women do. They will not hesitate to b.s. you to your face if that's what makes them look good.",,23,rejected-again,2023-12-29 04:39:48 PurplePillDebate,18twanu,Would older women be happier if they lowered their standards?,"When it comes to the topic of men dating younger women, it was brought up in another post about how younger women have lower standards than older in some cases, and hence why it may be easier to date a younger woman as a result, but that this also creates more competition for older women. But if this may make dating younger women easier, then how come older women don't just lower their standards, if they feel their options are more limited compared to before? Or would they just be less content if they lowered their standards and that will not work?",,0,harmonica2,2023-12-29 20:16:04 PurplePillDebate,18tjpls,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, etc... in this thread. Here you can post everything you don't think warrants it's own thread. Or just do some socialising. Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. &#x200B; If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,4,AutoModerator,2023-12-29 10:00:15 PurplePillDebate,18t5rr9,Why doesn't pre-selection affect men too?,"Everyone knows that taken men are more attractive to women, but taken women aren't really more attractive to men. Why? Women are attracted to men in relationships because it means the man's been vetted and is therefore a good partner, but why doesn't this logic seem to affect men? Wouldn't a man see a woman in a relationship and think ""well, if a man decided to be with her, then that must mean she's a good partner""? &#x200B;",,18,Glass_Bucket,2023-12-28 21:57:02 PurplePillDebate,18t3327,"Why is the term ""Masculine"" or ""Feminine"" suddenly bad when in opposite Genders?","I like watching some RP adjacent channels but it upsets me when they do this. They'll be like ""A Masculine man is Strong, Dependable, Stoic, Stands for whats right and protects those he cares for"" OR ""A Feminine Woman is Caring, Emotionally mature, Gentle and Loving"". And I'm like ""ok I can get behind that"" \-But as soon as the genders are reversed the meaning of those two words change all of a sudden. ""A Masculine Woman is Argumentative, Agressive and Loud"" or ""A Feminine Man is Weak, Whiny and Cowardly"" And I'm like where did all the possitive aspects of Masculinity and Feminity go. To me it's like they're doing those words a diservice when they say shit like this.",,25,JayNaii,2023-12-28 20:03:52 PurplePillDebate,18sx3wv,did something along the way go wrong for human societal development?,"Now IFwe were to take the internet at face value. apparently marriage rates are down, childbirths are down, divorces never really budged. you got more people now saying they got no friends or very little friends. you got more males not getting post secondary education or performing poorly in primary K-12 education compared to their lady counterparts.. you got on the younger spectrum where more men are single at 2 x the rate of their lady counterparts? you got one side like the ladies saying they can't find anyone that is compatible with them for a relationship . on the other side you got the gents saying they can't find anyone at all to get into a relationship you got more people now with some kind of mental illness than ever before. you got more obese people than ever before. More loneliness and medicated people than before basically what im trying to ask is did something go wrong along the way for human societal development? is everything attributed to technology? Economy ? Individualism ? or is it media? or national wealth? or legislation? or what do you think contributed to all of this? &#x200B; &#x200B;",,29,kkkan2020,2023-12-28 15:54:57 PurplePillDebate,18szic1,Avoiding the Coming Demographic Collapse,"Global birthrates appear to be falling so far so fast that if the numbers hold up, the world will be facing a major demographic collapse later this century. Some will say this is a good thing, that fewer people will help the planet recover. To an extent that is true. However, it’s not just the size of a population that’s important, but the shape of its age pyramid that determines if said population can thrive. Since people are living longer on average and having fewer kids, this is slowly but surely turning the global age pyramid upside down. Once the world crosses this threshold of there being more elderly than young people, I’m not sure how the modern world can cope. There won’t be enough young people to work the jobs, maintain the infrastructure, or pay the entitlements that the majority of the population will assumingly be dependent upon by that point. All economic structures built on assumed future growth would go down along with everything they prop up. Housing, global finance, etc. A lot of countries, especially the smaller ones, I simply don’t think would/will survive. The way I see it, it will either be a bad and prolonged global depression at best or a catastrophe on par with the Bronze Age Collapse at worst. The only way I see how this can be avoided is if every couple starts shooting for a sweet spot of at least 3 kids, and soon. But modern economics and social values don’t seem to favor family formation, at least not enough to reach the replacement level. I don’t think this can be solved simply with more money either because studies have shown that the richer a couple is the less likely they are to have kids, for whatever reason. On top of that, more research is appearing that shows modern chemicals in everyday items, especially plastics, are drastically affecting the hormones and fertility of the population. Since 1973 the average testosterone level of an American male has dropped by 59% for example. More than half. And the effects compound with each generation that remains in the contaminated environment. So we’re slowly losing our ability to have more kids even if we wanted to, or in this case needed to. I predict countries will be encouraging more and more immigration in the future, but since the declining birthrate is a global trend I see this as a band-aid on a gaping wound. Merely delaying the inevitable. How could this issue be tackled in an effective and ethical manner? Can it even be avoided at all or is it something humanity is simply going to have to go through? Or will this even happen at all? Edit: Added more context in paragraph third from the bottom.",,21,LEDN42,2023-12-28 17:34:02 PurplePillDebate,18u43mo,“young attractive women live life on easy mode” - why this is a mislead statement.,"You see this argument a lot in RP/BP/incel spaces, that young attractive women have it easy cause they’re actively taken care of/always given stuff, are always given attention, always praised, etc - “life on easy mode”, is how its put. Now, there are two obvious issues with this that often aren’t accounted for 1) these young women, most times, frankly don’t know what they’re getting into and don’t understand the ‘unwritten impact’ of their decisions - its easy to judge when you’re from the outside looking in, but imagine as soon as you’re perceived to be of age, you’re constantly being sought after and given attention to, love bombed, praise, given free stuff, etc from lots of men, but older ones especially. Of course, all these men want something in return, and more often than not a lot of these women find themselves in situations that they don’t know how to get out of, or situations that they just have to go with. Lots of these women get older, become more cynical and jaded, and often end up in situations they were guided to because they’ve never been given the space to develop their own agency. It becomes very easy to manipulate someone when you appeal to their insecurities, and the ‘image’ of maturity via these older men is exactly an in for this. 2) they hardly develop any real skills, personality, interests, etc - they’re not taken as seriously and because they’re only ever treated as objects to be sought for, they hardly have any agency and again, they don’t have the space to develop it. What’s the result of all this? they get older, they haven’t developed anything usable in the long run, and suddenly, they’re left jaded and messy as the men who were initially interested in them have moved on. Suddenly, the only trait people valued for socially, the only trait people notice from you is feeling and you have nothing, no skills, no redeeming qualities, and frankly, a youth wasted. That’s the sad truth for most attractive young women as they age, and its kinda baffling how the RP/BP expects people who’ve never had agency to have the forethought and wisdom to make better decisions when they’re actively bombarded by the same men reaching after them.",,0,KayRay1994,2023-12-30 02:05:47 PurplePillDebate,18sl5zr,"CMV: Women who proclaim ""where are all the good men"", ""there are no good men"", ""I will never settle"" etc are actually red flags and are the loud minority.","This is in context to my recent post. I used to think that women who said that average men weren't good enough or that they couldn't find a man ""on their level"" to date were the majority and that there was an actual problem, but speaking with some of the women online it seems like this is actually more of a loud minority of bitter women who for whatever reason have a disdain for men. Most men and women are fairly good and probably reasonable and willing to ""settle"" happily for each other, but there is a loud minority of women who are actually perpetuating this idea that there is a problem with average guys. I'm open to healthy discussions/debate on this.",,100,MOProG2,2023-12-28 04:37:39 PurplePillDebate,18sjf8c,Women give bad dating advice for Men,"Many women generally think Men should ask and listen to women's advice on how to get women. Asking advice from women about women, is the worse thing you can do. This is because most people give advice that's beneficial for them and their morals. For example, women telling you not to approach random women because they personally don't like it at the time. However, logic tells you that the more women you talk to equals the more women you could possibly get. If a man listens to a women he'll end up getting advice like the above which is counter intuitive.",,115,YtBlue,2023-12-28 03:07:43 PurplePillDebate,18tobv1,Why aren't large age gap relationships the norm?,"If women's sexual market value is believed to decrease with age, and men's increases, and all women are assumed to be hypergamous seeking the highest value man, it raises the question of why young women and girls typically don't choose to date men significantly older then them? Instead the average age gap between couples is 1-3 years.",,0,Ok-Map-7596,2023-12-29 14:28:12 PurplePillDebate,18sytur,"What do you think people mean when they talk about a ""submissive"" partner?","Whenever the word submissive is tossed around, I noticed that people tend to be operating on different definitions. One side is speaking of being completely dependent on someone else, unable to make decisions for themselves, forbidden to have or voice, their own opinions, or to disagree But I get the sense that the other side doesn't actually mean that NOR want that. (I could be wrong). ➡️ So what do you think is the common definition people are using when they talk about wanting a submissive partner? For those playing Bingo: doormat, pushover, abuse, divorce, Chad, incel DISCLAIMER: not talking about in the bedroom. Talking about in the relationship ",,3,Windmill_flowers,2023-12-28 17:06:07 PurplePillDebate,18shgf1,Why do women generally view sugar daddies less creepily than older men dating and marrying younger women,"an older man using a woman for her body and paying her is for her time is considered fine by most women and they just think that the woman is just getting her bag, But flip the coin. When an older man dates a much younger woman loves cares for her protects her and cherishes her, eyebrows raise by those same women. isnt there more of a power dynamic in a strictly financial transactional relationship? i just feel like women always find something empowering and good if they get money while doing it, that include prostitution only fans as well, its objectification if they get no money form it and its evil men doing it, but as soon as they make money off it its empowering and boss queen shit &#x200B;",,66,Moneydamjan,2023-12-28 01:33:01 PurplePillDebate,18srt91,CMV: It is impossible to be sexually attracted to someone because of their money.,"Sexual attraction has evolved over millions of years, and comes down to in my opinion a combination of looks and behaviour. Behaviour is more subjective as there are ingrained cultural considerations that 100% rewire your brain (for example if you have grown up in a nudist colony you won't be disgusted by someone coming up to you nude, to use an extreme example); but in general it obviously factors in to how you view potential partners. Secondly is looks: this is more subjective, but everyone who is not asexual finds certain people attractive and certain people not. There are general rules for what people find attractive in terms of height, body type, bone structure etc. but these are not immutable. However, the point is that everybody finds some physical type sexually attractive unless they're asexual. Money is not attractive. Nobody is sexually attracted to a man or woman because they are carrying a large briefcase full of cash. At best they will use the rational part of their brain to try to seduce that person so as to get more material stuff for themselves, but there is no element of sexual attraction there. People are attracted to athletes and celebrities because of their social standing which implies positive personality and physical traits, not because of their money. There are many celebrities who have declared bankruptcy and are still seen as attractive, for example. In conclusion, nobody is sexually attracted to money and the best thing you can do in life is find your niche personality and looks wise, exploiting best the genetic cards which you were dealt to have a happy existence holistically. Money is a means to an end, and obsessing over it unduly will only make you miserable.",,11,[deleted],2023-12-28 11:29:40 PurplePillDebate,18tk4bt,"Yes women can find relationships at any age , but their choices over 30 start becoming crappy","Women can find relationships at literally any age , even at 60. However, the older you get the more crappy your choices become. Lets say you're a 35 yo single woman who wants to have kids. These are your choices: -Divorced men who have kids from their previous marriage. Even if they're willing to remarry, you'll have to deal with stepkid drama which is a huge headache for most people. -Divorced men with no kids. I suppose this is a decent choice. But if their first marriage failed you would have to consider why. -Single men. But why are they still single at that age? Maybe they're a player or a very late bloomer. If you wanna know why late bloomers can be red flags, check out my previous post. -Younger men. They will likely only want sex and eventually leave you for someone younger. You get my point. Sure women always have choices but these choices become crappier and crappier as they age. And yes the same is true for men. But men at least can have kids even at 60. Sure it becomes riskier but they at least have a chance. For women the factory closes down at 40.",,0,Novel-Tip-7570,2023-12-29 10:26:54 PurplePillDebate,18s8d2w,Having a list of positive traits/achievements isn't enough for successful dating.,"Disclaimer: I'm going to repost my old post because it got deleted/archived and I think it's relevent to the recent Q4W. There seems to be a lot of people, who believe that because theoretically they bring a bunch of great things to the table, they shouldn't have any issues with attracting a partner. And if they do struggle with it, the issue is in women/men, a lack of good partners around, dual mating strategy, porn etc. An important notice - **it isn't gendered** and it can affect both men and women. They overlook several important things about dating: 1. Certain negative traits can outweigh all the positive traits or achievements you have. You might be a math genius, have a good income, be well-read and whatnot, but if you're socially awkward or have a lack of social skills, boring/unpleasant to be around, can't read social cues, etc. A lot of people won't even try to get you closer so they could actually fall for you. 2. Dating requires a lot of socialization and/or enormous amount of luck. If you don't meet new people regularly and you have a low success rate on online dating platforms, most likely you're fucked up dating-wise. Whether you like it or not, you have to put yourself out there and actually meet new people and form new connections. 3. A lot of positive traits people list about themselves don't actually play a big role in attracting a partner during the initial stage of dating. When you've just met, your appearance and being likable and pleasant to be around are more important than your degree, career or income. 4. If you can get dates and maybe even some relationships, but they always end in a shit show, you should look at who you're dating and why and how you might be causing the issues in your relationships or how you repel people after a few dates. Your good traits don't substitute actually vetting your partner nor can solve some of your personal problems that can cause your issues like being avoidant, controlling or just poor communication etc. So just having a bunch of good things about yourself isn't enough. Identifying your issue is far more helpful, than just staying angry with the opposite gender or blaming others for your troubles.",,66,EulenWatcher,2023-12-27 19:05:59 PurplePillDebate,18smyke,Will some women only get into relationships with far above average men?,"Do some women only get into relationships with men that are far above average in some field, for example he is doctor or some other high skilled career, he's rich, he's very physically attractive etc I'm basically saying that do men need to have something that makes then stand out alot from the crowd for some women to find them attractive. How common is this amongst women?",,9,knowledgeseeker999,2023-12-28 06:15:40 PurplePillDebate,18s3tci,"Is there truly a large subset of men who are financially stable, emotionally stable, honest, intentional, make the best of their physical appearance (grooming/etc), have interesting hobbies etc that struggle attract their equal?","I contiually hear ad nauseum about how women \*just\* \*cannot\* \*seem\* to find find a guy who fits the \[ref title of this thread\] - and how, there is \*no\* \*way\* a man like that would be single for long or struggle in dating. Women seem to be in complete disbelief that you can have the above qualities and still struggle with dating over many years. I'll try to put an archetype to the above: Dan is a financial analyst making 80-100K a year. he's 5 foot 9, age 29, works out regularly (but isn't ""ripped""), dresses well/showers/etc. he's average in the face - not a ""stand out"" but not ugly either. he loves to hike and has hiked several small mountains, loves cooking - he's working on italiain food and and thinks he mastered bolognase sauce finally. he lives in a nice apartment in good area. he has a solid group of close friends. However, hearing from mens' experiences and my own personal experiences (mostly friends/coworkers) - there seems to be a fairly large subset of men who fit the above bill who continually struggle - while everything else in their life is going fairly well. andI mean struggle to find their equal - in the case of dan it would be a lady who is independent/also has hobbies/is in relatively good shape (since dan is as well), and wants a relationship. So to the women - is this really true? do you rarely run into these types of men that also struggle with dating? **EDIT: This got big.** **Key Takeaways:** * The things mentioned are ""stats"" and have little to do with natural chemistry. * men that have all the supposed ""good qualities"" that struggle are likely dry as a bone or terrible converstationalists * ""every single guy I've met that has those qualities is never single long or is married/in a relationship"" &#x200B;",,98,Rach1943,2023-12-27 15:54:21 PurplePillDebate,18rynp2,Chasing women is a huge waste of time.,"A lot of men waste their time chasing women just for sex and validation, and most of these women don't even really care about them. Chasing women as a man just makes you another guy in her life who's willing to jump through all kinds of hoops for her, and all for what? Sex, which isn't even that big of a deal at the end of the day, and validation which means literally nothing. Even the word 'chasing' implies that the other person is running away, or at least pretending to not be into it, which is just dumb and childish. If more men spent more time on their hobbies and on reading and becoming better people instead of chasing women, the world would be a much better place. Which is why one of the best decisions a man can make is to stop chasing women and playing the roles they expect you to play (like paying for them on dates and playing the role of 'protector' and 'provider' and catering to them and so on). Ironically, once you stop chasing women you begin to draw their interest naturally without effort, and even if you don't draw their interest, it doesn't actually matter. Unfortunately, most men are thirsty and have been conditioned to think that sex is the be all and end all of life, which is pretty ridiculous, and it puts them at a disadvantage when it comes to dating where women can easily manipulate them with sex and so on.",,181,Agreeable-Moment-760,2023-12-27 11:28:54 PurplePillDebate,18ta75g,Do men really have a longer window to get married and have kids especially later in life?,"I'm 36 and older people tell me all the time thank god you're still single, there's no need to rush. I get told you can have kids when you're like 50, you become more mature as you age, and younger women like you. The only downside is if you have enough energy to play baseball with the kids when you're older. I'm glad to hear all this but I don't know how true it is. To think things get better as a man or that I have all the time in the world isn't something I'm entirely sure about. Although it is encouraging to know I don't need to rush and that it seems like things get better.",,0,spankyourkopita,2023-12-29 01:10:52 PurplePillDebate,18s6hll,"Marrying and having kids young, risking divorce later vs. waiting till the good men are gone. Which is worse?","It's been pointed out here a lot about how women do not take dating seriously enough when they are young and at their highest SMV, and they feel it's best to wait until later, or she and the guy will have a greater chance of getting divorced/growing apart, if they haven't matured enough yet. But it has also been pointed out a lot about how when women reach their 30s, they feel that almost all the good men are taken, if not all, and I have noticed women in their 30s I know, act like this as well. So it seems it's either damned if you do, damned if you don't, and there are negative risks to each option but is one more risky than the other, and therefore one is better to choose over the other, in terms of more potential reward?",,40,harmonica2,2023-12-27 17:48:39 PurplePillDebate,18s1h6y,"How would you feel about a man making you wait to make you feel special because he ""likes"" you too much","Ladies would you be with man to make you wait for a fancy or ""proper"" date? He use to do fancy dates rapidly for other women before but now he thinks those things should come later down in a relationship. He does have the money and time but thinks it's best to wait a little. In his mind he does that because he appreciates you too much and he thinks he should make you wait and see if the feelings are reciprocated before showing appreciation. Then you learn that he used to do these fancy dates for women he says are not relationship material and are ""beneath"" you but the wait is important now because you are special. Would you be okay with him treating you this way or would you leave because you feel some way about it?",,57,hisdivinity,2023-12-27 14:07:10 PurplePillDebate,18spj3p,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, etc... in this thread. Here you can post everything you don't think warrants it's own thread. Or just do some socialising. Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. &#x200B; If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,1,AutoModerator,2023-12-28 09:00:21 PurplePillDebate,18snyg2,The Rise Of Male Subcultures is Disheartening.,"Back in the days of old, people would bond in certain cliques, whether it’s skater punks, goths, emos, rockers, whatever, it was also a way for men to be able to bond with women more, because they were apart of the same clique, so that would lead to a common shared experience, if you were an outcast and she was an outcast, then you both knew what it was like to be ostracised together. Nowadays men have started making their own cliques, it might be a symptom of our lack of a solid monoculture, but men today have now traded those old cliques for new ones, like sigma males, the manosphere and the red pill ideologies that came from things like pick artistry and art of seduction movements. The reason why this is sad is because it makes sense, women’s cliques have existed for years, one of those is the feminist movement, that has since influenced our culture for decades, the only counter revolt it has had was mra’s, but that has always been underneath the shadow of the feminist movement, for years. The red pill and it’s many ideals, became popular because it puts men forward in every way, disagree with the methods all you want but this is the first movement to actually respond to male concerns, the mra movement was just whining, 24/7 while heralding a bunch of whataboutisms, RP spoke to a lot of male insecurities and actually looked at why they felt a certain way, dating for men is a huge uphill battle, that never truly got explored until recently, and it’s also kind of disheartening because this should’ve been a slam dunk for the feminist movement, but they glossed it up so much, the men ended up forming their own groups instead. Every subculture started off, getting hated by the mainstream public, it wouldn’t be a subculture if it didn’t receive backlash, but this one actually does put men in the forefront of the discussion, which is welcomed. What do you think am I talking out of my rear end or does this make sense, and don’t worry I’ll go into why I feel more disheartened by this as well.",,0,Ceazer4L,2023-12-28 07:16:26 PurplePillDebate,18rmcsk,This entire sub is based on one thing and one thing alone. 90% of men have to put in work to get laid and 90% of women don’t need to do anything other than show up.,"The issue most men have is the same as the jealousy of a trust fund kid-something for nothing. Men will put up with almost anything to get laid. They ARE ANGRY that to get a woman (that they delusionally think they deserve) they have to be at a certain level that makes them attractive to women- they have to work! Women who want relationships are in the opposite situation, when they click with some man they feel worthy of they secretly know this same guy could likely do better than her and worry about being traded in. This is where the age issue becomes so incendiary. Women know as a 10 at age 40 they are worth a 6 compared to a young 23 yr old. The men these women want CAN and DO date younger. I’m in my 50’s dating women 21-44. Dating has NEVER been easier. I know how they all shift values at various ages just like an athlete does. Who do you want on your team, Joe Montana today or the HS kid? Women are like NFL athletes- they know their time at being number one is limited and get angry when the new rookies take the field. Men think there is a shortcut, a trick, a hack to get them into the big game. The last thing they want is a reality check that it requires work.",,217,chickenfriedsteakdin,2023-12-27 00:05:06 PurplePillDebate,18rs845,Complaining about women’s standards while being afraid of being settled for is crazy,"A lot of men on this subreddit are so afraid to enter into a relationship with a woman who settled for them because they were the safe option. On the other hand this subreddit is full of comments and posts were people are complaining about the average woman’s standard, how unrealistic they are and how she should take somebody on her league ie. lower her standards that will result in her settling. It seems like men don’t actually care for being settled for.",,80,ThrowRAsweeter,2023-12-27 04:53:21 PurplePillDebate,18sgwfj,Q4W: Why aren't yall just content with sharing a guy that has everything you want?,"If men who satisfy women's demands are rare (rich, charming, successful, funny, kind etc) when you find that guy why not just share him? Like why is that so bad because the way I see some women selpeak about men on here would make me think they should just be happy sharing. For one you don't have worry about clingy guy because he will be too busy. And distance makes the heart grow fonder. So I ask: How do y'all square that circle? Wanting guys that are very rare, but not wanting to share them? I don't get it I've heard women say average guys are boring. It's like as a man you need to have EVERYTHING to satisfy a woman. Women settle but they usually end up not happy with the choice they made. So why not just share a winner?",,2,MOProG2,2023-12-28 01:07:38 PurplePillDebate,18rj8bk,Should guys take it personally if they have to wait till their 30s to have success with women?,"I am one of those guys who did poorly with women in my 20s and then got a lot better once my 30s came around. It makes sense with the red pill because a lot of guys have more success in their 30s and they say that guys between the ages of 20 and 30 have more trouble losing their virginity compared to later stats. However, I am wondering if guys should take this personally like some too. A lot of guys' reactions to this idea of waiting is that they say they feel like they are getting too little, too late compared to guys who crossed the finish line first at a young age. However I feel my options are a lot better and feel pretty good at having a lot more options now and I've been in a monogamous relationship for the past couple of years because of it and like it. But a lot of guys feel sour about reading perhaps it also has to do with how women feel about that as well. If a guy didn't have much success in his 20s but then all of a sudden it explodes it was 30's, do most women find this as an attractive quality or do they think it's a red flag if they didn't have as much of a gradual buildup from a young age and it just exploded in their 30s? &#x200B;",,105,harmonica2,2023-12-26 21:49:40 PurplePillDebate,18rxg95,"Just out of curiosity, how much of modern dating's problems also stem from a lack of inherent hardship in modern society? All perspectives welcome","Just out of curiosity, how much of modern dating's problems also stem from a lack of inherent hardship in modern society? All perspectives welcomeJust out of curiosity, how much of modern dating's problems also stem from a lack of inherent hardship in modern society? All perspectives welcome I know I am making a big a bold suggestion here, however I am **asking this out** rather than trying to insinuate it A big claim I've seen thrown around by a lot of red pillers and even some political conservative pundits(surprise, shocker!) Is that one of the reasons modern dating is hard is because people are purposefully creating toxic and hard relationships to fill in ""empty voids"" in their lives, especially in regards to the lack of hardship and adversity we get as a modern society that's very convenience and comfort driven, considering we take our purveyorship as a society per granted So now that that's outta way, where do you stand **Do you agree, disagree or half-agree/half-dissgree on this**? I guess if you wanna full blown nihilistic on this one, one may also ask themselves ""what purpose do relationships serve me in this day and age of rugged individualism and social permissiveness"" That being said all perspectives welcome, so I am just gonna grab my popcorn🍿",,10,Concerntroll666,2023-12-27 10:10:16 PurplePillDebate,18rvhc2,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, etc... in this thread. Here you can post everything you don't think warrants it's own thread. Or just do some socialising. Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. &#x200B; If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,8,AutoModerator,2023-12-27 08:00:25 PurplePillDebate,18rpi78,Men who feel that their wife settled for them as a safe option,"How soon into your marriage did you get this feeling? Who do you feel about it? How do you deal thinking she isn't physically attracted to you? Edit: I'm from India and very recently got arranged married. If you have any specific perspective to that as well, please share.",,20,MaleFrustration,2023-12-27 02:34:23 PurplePillDebate,18rqubv,Women: have you ever exploited a man's interest for you own gain?,"As in, if you commented that you need new shoes, and he buys you an expensive pair and you accept this gift despite you having no interest in him. Or he takes you out to dinner and then you tell everyone how nice your bestie was to treat you to dinner at such a nice restaurant. Have you ever done anything of this sort? If he's a simp, do you allow him to be one because you see benefits to it?",,15,rejected-again,2023-12-27 03:41:43 PurplePillDebate,18rode3,Q4M: would you feel disappointed or betrayed that a friend wants to date you?,"There's a girl who you are platonically friends with. She is like a sister to you and you value the friendship. One day y'all get drunk and it comes out that she wants to be with you forever romantically... but lacked the courage to make her intentions known. You politely let her down because you don't want to ruin the friendship. Shortly thereafter she decides to cut ties with you altogether. #Which most closely describes how you'd feel? A. Flattered by the interest but confused why she cut ties B. Disappointed and betrayed that she was pretending to be your friend in order to get sex C. Indifferent to the interest but understanding of how she needs to cut ties D. Other",,16,Windmill_flowers,2023-12-27 01:39:33 PurplePillDebate,18rndmu,Do women use 'casual sex' as a way to 'relationship zone' men? Or do men and women understand 'casual' differently?,"So I was watching a sketch video (will try to find the link) that went like this: A man goes to a woman and says he think they should end their situation because he wants to keep it 100% casual and doesn't feel she does too. The woman replies ""yeah I do but..."" and she proceeds to list of increasingly non-casual request which the man agrees to like: 1. Before we hook up I want you to take me out for food 2. on the day we don't meet you should text me and see how I am 3. if im moving you should be willing to help out 4. if you see any other women you have to tell me 5. You have to be open to possibly moving in together in the future Now obviously this is meant for humor but in all humor there's truth and I've experienced this mutliple times as well. After the first time it happened I actually started verifying with women what they wanted from our relationship and whether it was just casual to which they replied it was but then later complain about feeling like I was treating the relationship casually. So pretty much my question for all is in the title. Do women use casual sex as a way to work towards a relationship in hopes they can trick a man into getting feelings? Or do men and women just have different understandings of what it means to be casual? &#x200B;",,9,FutureBannedAccount2,2023-12-27 00:52:20 PurplePillDebate,18rmh33,Would you be with someone who accuses you of cheating for no reason?,"I find it baffling when I see so many guys be fine with the hypothetical situation of accusing their wife or girlfriend of cheating but cant list you any reason they would suspect infidelity. Not really different from women who dream of their man cheating and having it ruin their day. https://youtube.com/shorts/wKCtg\_Ggi1A?si=i1XQdD9N8CQuSzxm https://youtube.com/shorts/kOHk6VJ5r54?si=DiFJXjtK\_8M6HDpW The whole “women be crazy” stereotype doesnt work when guys act the same way. Hell, atleast her crazy ass has a (stupid) reason for the accusation. What astounds me is when I see people say shit like “Dont government workers ask for your ID” and “would you trust a guy on the first date?”. If you compare your relationship to vetting a stranger, your relationship is shit. Isnt trust the foundation of a healthy relationship and other types of relationships in general? Who the fuck wants to willingly be around people they cant trust? That’s still Drama Queen bullshit I do not have patience for.",,11,LillthOfBabylon,2023-12-27 00:10:25 PurplePillDebate,18r6khn,Question for those who are concerned about passport bro's leverage...,"So on another thread I got some criticism for defending passport bros as I don't think there's anything inherently exploitative about such situations. The major criticism is that these women are poor so the man has leverage over her. I pointed out that many relationships have some degree of leverage since two people are unlikely to be close in all hierarchies. A richer partner knows they will be more provided for if the relationship ends. A more attractive partner knows they can obtain sex easier. A more charismatic partner knows they can obtain company easier. I also pointed out that just because someone has leverage doesn't mean they will abuse it. For instance, there are plenty of stories of men continuing to support their partners when the relationship ends so they can transition to independence. So one partner having leverage, in my view, only provides the *potential* for abuse. The rebuttal was that the leverage men have over poor women is stark in comparison to the west where many countries have financial safety nets. These women are desperate, the men know that, and therefore it's exploitative. That got me thinking, because there is a group in the west that is desperate: Onlyfans simps. If one reviews various Onlyfan content creator support forums, you see women discussing maximizing revenue with little regard for how it may affect their lonely clients. Let's be frank, although according to a study many Onlyfans users are actually married, there is a substantial demographic of lonely, unwanted men. Creators hook these guys with pretend girlfriend experiences, often advertsing on Tinder or other dating websites. In some cases they aren't even the people messaging these men. In extreme cases, to the knowledge of the creators, men have run themselves into financial difficulties to pay for these services. Unlike passport bros, where I can conceive that both parties may well be genuinely happier and in a better place due to such relationships, it's hard to envisage men being benefited my spending money on Onlyfans. Do women think Onlyfans creators exploit lonely men?",,10,HolyPenguine,2023-12-26 11:53:47 PurplePillDebate,18qynr4,Are male celebrities more likely to date fans than female celebrities?,"A common point of discussion is women being hypergamous. If women won't date men of lower social standing, we should notice a trend of male celebrities being more willing to date fans while female celebrities only date men who are more rich, famous, or otherwise desirable.",,33,TDSinv,2023-12-26 03:33:08 PurplePillDebate,18qzzxv,Why do men and women feel like we need to rely on some generalizations of the sex we are attracted to?,"I've always preferred taking things on a human by human basis rather than assuming ""most men do X"" or ""most women do Y"" and then going from there when getting to know someone .... but I know that a lot of people find comfort in starting from a baseline set of assumptions first which is why there are schools of thought like the ones on this sub. Why do you think this is though? Time Efficiency? Losing hope/fear? Both? Genuinely curious on the thought processes here from both sides.",,15,SnooMarzipans6929,2023-12-26 04:46:37 PurplePillDebate,18r2awa,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, etc... in this thread. Here you can post everything you don't think warrants it's own thread. Or just do some socialising. Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. &#x200B; If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,8,AutoModerator,2023-12-26 07:00:16 PurplePillDebate,18qz2nr,What is the evolutionary advantage to having the orgasm gap?,"Assumption 1: IN GENERAL women have a harder time reaching orgasm than men do - even without a partner present¹ Assumption 2: This GENERALLY holds true across cultures, societies, and upbringing. Though these things can make it worse Assumption 3: Humans evolved over millions of years and most of our firmware has not caught up to current day realities There's likely a reason that female orgasms are more tricky, complex, elusive, or difficult than men's orgasms. What is the reason? Another way to ask this: How might it have been beneficial for women in the hunter/gathering days to not orgasm as easily as men? DISCLAIMER: Yes, it's different for each woman. I'm talking about IN GENERAL. [1] Frederick DA, John HKS, Garcia JR, Lloyd EA. Differences in Orgasm Frequency Among Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Heterosexual Men and Women in a U.S. National Sample. Arch Sex Behav. 2018 Jan;47(1):273-288. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28213723/",,14,Windmill_flowers,2023-12-26 03:56:04 PurplePillDebate,18qqu9f,Did the behaviour from women in your family confirm or disprove the red pill?,Did you think that the poor behaviour you witnessed from your female family members were one off events? Or do you think that their poor behaviours were a risk that would exist in any potential relationship they formed?,,32,AethertheEternal,2023-12-25 20:52:03 PurplePillDebate,18ru6iw,"I wish men would stop normalizing women approaching them and trying to ""shoot their shot"". Almost every man i've seen feels very uncomfortable with a woman approaching them","My friends are super model gorgeous with stellar personalities- they are constantly getting shot done by men. even if you're the most prettiest girl in the world the man is still gonna be weirded out by it. If a man is interested he's gonna approach and try to get your number. You don't even know if he really likes you if you approach first or if he's just being nice and going with the flow. I mean men on this reddit have got to stop telling women to chase them. It just doesn't work. I have a large group of friends they have all tested this theory and the men were extremely uncomfortable, weirded out etc.. One of my friends said the dude said he lied about having a girlfriend and she found out he was single actually. I mean that is embarrassing. a man really lied about having a girlfriend just to avoid giving her his number. I think I would hide out for the rest of life from embarrassment if they happened to me. Imagine approaching a man and you look like a super model and he's lying to avoid exchanging numbers. I let my friends take one for the team because i damn sure aint approaching nobody and dealing with that treatment they got. I don't look as good as them so i can't even imagine how it would be if i approach men. like if my super model friends are getting shot down left and right then there's hope for us average chicks lmao. I rather wait on a dude to muster up the courage to talk to me because it shows he likes what he sees and is GNEUINELY interested &#x200B; &#x200B;",,0,Educational_Lab_525,2023-12-27 06:41:01 PurplePillDebate,18r8ydd,Do you think that it should be illegal for people to charge money for sex?,"I wanted to frame the question this way, because the normal way of asking the question is to ask ""should prostitution should be legal?"", with many women justifying their negative answer by saying that it promotes human trafficking and various other harms against women and that therefore it should not be legal. But from a personal freedom standpoint, do you honestly believe that this freedom, the freedom to charge money for sexual access, should be outlawed, with the justification that it prevents trafficking and other harms? Do you think that preventing these harms makes it worth outlawing a fundamental personal freedom, bodily autonomy? Edit: And justifying the Scandinavian model is not an answer to this question, as it essentially makes the exchange of money for sex illegal, because if the Scandinavian model were implemented perfectly, the exchange of money for sex would not be occurring. My question essentially is, should the exchange of money for sex *be occurring*?",,0,wtknight,2023-12-26 14:12:39 PurplePillDebate,18q58ec,Men empathize with lonely women. Women are disgusted by lonely men,"Men know what it's like to be unwanted. I definitely do. There's this girl who's in love with me. She's not my type. Despite how badly she wants me, I still treat her well. I see her as a good friend. Most women are not like this with lonely men. Not even close. With men they don't like, women do not empathize with their plight. They turn their noses up. Upon finding out the man is attracted to her, she is visibly disgusted. She goes from being friendly to him to acting like he is not fit to breathe the same air as her. Women have this bizarre mentality that an unattractive man liking her means she's ugly because the ugly man thought that he had a chance. It's completely non-sensical but it happens. There are many women who think like this. That's why it feels like the mask slips and they suddenly turn nasty. It's unfortunate that these women can't seem to take it as a compliment that someone likes them. They completely take it for granted. Instead, they act like they are under siege by undesirable men and they cover up for their shitty attitudes by acting like it's the man's fault. So they throw nasty labels at them like ""creep"" or worse. How often do men do this? Rarely, since men don't view a woman's interest as an attack on their desirability and self-worth and they don't view women they're not interested in as sub-human in the way that women do to men.",,265,rejected-again,2023-12-24 22:19:24 PurplePillDebate,18r331m,"DISCUSSION: Are autistic men just ""lazy"" when it comes to dating, friendship and employment struggles?","I believe that both sides are correct. Certainly if you are a low support needs (higher functioning) autistic, you should be able to have conversation and do regular tasks. This doesnt automatically exempt you from dating, having friends or finding employment. However, the social skill deficits can cause consistent and destructive failures that can in turn, dangerously lower self esteem and a willingness to try. Basically if you are an autistic male, you need the positive reinforcement of the blue pill to keep you going on your journey of learning social competency whilst also applying red pill beliefs of hard work and dedication. What do you guys think?",,0,Business_Window_6232,2023-12-26 07:54:08 PurplePillDebate,18q013n,"The more you understand women, the less you'll fall in love them.","Through my interaction with women in real life and studying about the inter-gender sexual dynamics, I've come to the above conclusion. Through: - realizing that a woman loves a man based on what the man provides, - realizing that a woman self preservation comes first before her love for the man, - realizing that a woman is likely to leave you once a better options comes knocking on her door, I find that the more you understand a woman, the less you'll fall in love with them.",,182,Salty-Chef-4814,2023-12-24 17:49:08 PurplePillDebate,18pwglm,"Sex work is not empowering for women , its derogatory and benefits no one","Sex-work is not empowering it is derogatory. Displaying yourself like a piece of meat for random men to jerk off to is not ""empowering"". I find it funny how some women like to portray doing porn as as a way of going against ""patriarchy"" when the reality is the complete opposite. Portraying yourself as nothing more then sexual objects for men further amplifies the sexualisation of women in wider society. There is nothing empowering about people being able to see the most vulnerable, private and intimate parts of you for the price of a burger. Women are pursuing these roles because they are either being forced both directly and indirectly ( e.g. have a dire financial need, trafficked, groomed e.c.t ) or brainwashed (by people on social media giving a false idea about the earnings that come with sex work). For example, the Average OnlyFans creator earns $150-180 monthly; the top 1% earn 33% of total revenue yet so many women go into only fans believing earning thousands is the norm. Dont bother talking about individuals you may know who are happy with their decision, the exceptions do not change the reality for the majority. Furthermore, porn content caters so heavily toward pedos/disgusting concepts (with teen, incest, ""innocent school girl"" being some of the most popular categories) . And other women are being affected by it, for e.g. Mia Khalifa indirectly has caused the fetishization of brown girls/muslims. The amount of times I've been told I ""look"" like her or have her smile even though we barely have any resemblance (I'm literally light skinned). And please don't waste your time by saying ""uh A-a-actually I know someone who is happy-🤓"" Sure there are always going to be exceptions, I'm talking about this on a much larger scale/ the majority. Some of the most popular pornstars talk about how much they regret going into the industry for e.g. Mia Khalida, Lana Rhodes and these are women who earnt millions. I tried to find statistics on how many porn stars regret doing porn and to my surprise I struggled to find them, not because they don't regret it but because publishing such statistics is harmful to this billion dollar industry. The average career in porn is around 6-18 months which says enough about how eager people are to leave. Now more then ever porn is being advertised to younger, impressionable girls through social media like tiktok, instagram ect, girls who aren't aware of the reality of the industry. And before anyone goes on about how ""only fans"" not being harmful, yes I agree its not as bad as normal porn, but that doesn't change how damaging it can be. Once you upload such pictures or videos on the internet they will never ever be gone. Also I want to clarify now a lot of peoples onlyfans is just bikini pictures I am not referring to those girls I am talking about the girls who are recording proper porn. Porn benefits absolutely nobody, its also terrible for consumers (and don't bother with some bs about healthy porn consumption because the reality is porn is incredibly addictive and its very difficult to not become addicted, especially since a lot of porn is consumed by lonely young men). The number of teenagers and children watching porn has increased dramatically thanks to the internet. One report cites the average age of first exposure to pornography is 11 years old. Another report says it’s 13.37 years. 97% of girls and 100% of boys have viewed porn by the age of 15. The largest demographic consuming porn is kids 12–17. ([https://medium.com/sexography/make-sure-your-kids-are-watching-porn-with-a-healthy-and-critical-eye-f981d9e155](https://medium.com/sexography/make-sure-your-kids-are-watching-porn-with-a-healthy-and-critical-eye-f981d9e155)) Porn needs to stop being glamorised by women and encouraged by men. &#x200B;",,195,Economy-House171,2023-12-24 14:40:57 PurplePillDebate,18qabke,Can feminine men be in a relationship with feminine women? can masculine men be in a relationship with a masculine woman? or does there always need to be balance,"im a mixture of feminine and masculine but still leaning more towards feminine most days. I tend to attract more masculine men overall, but every now and then i get a sprinkle of feminine men trying to approach me. When looking at relationships I almost never see two masculines or two feminines together like asap rocky is feminine and rihanna is very masculine &#x200B;",,10,Educational_Lab_525,2023-12-25 03:23:01 PurplePillDebate,18qcob2,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, etc... in this thread. Here you can post everything you don't think warrants it's own thread. Or just do some socialising. Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. &#x200B; If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,7,AutoModerator,2023-12-25 06:00:33 PurplePillDebate,18q3ru8,How do women actually go about guessing a man's wealth?,"I see repeatedly on here that wealth is a factor in dating. But how does this actually work in the real world? How does a woman actually accurately guess a man is ""wealthy"" before dating him? e.g. how does a woman know man is wealthy on a dating app, out in public, etc? I will use myself as an example. I wouldn't consider myself wealthy, but I am wealthier relative to a decent amount of the population. I'm the highest paid employee in the company that I work for, aside from the CEO. My income places me in the top 10% or US earners. I have vested startup equity that will probably be worth between 1\~10 million within the next 4 years. On top of this I invest 50% of every paycheck into the stock market. I have zero debt. Now on paper I'm doing better than most people. However I drive a piece of shit car. It's probably the worse car in the business parking lot but it's entirely paid off. I live with one of my parents. And while I dress nicely - I don't wear flashy Jewlery. I essentially have no outward expressions of wealth. I'm guessing that most women just assume I'm average or poor. On some dating apps it asks you to list a job title, which I do list. Now on the other hand I do see a lot of the following: * Many people making high monthly payment on cars they can't afford. * Many people paying rent and breaking even. * Many people with nicer wardrobes who earn 50% less than me. **For Women:** How do you actually assess if a man is more wealthy **before you date him**? **For Men:** Do you do anything to project your wealth? Have you a/b tested showing off wealth vs not? Any difference in results?",,9,giveuporfindaway,2023-12-24 21:00:38 PurplePillDebate,18pwro5,Question for Women: Would you date somebody who was neurodivergent?,"Basically the title. As a woman, would you date somebody (either male or female) who was ND if they fitted your other criteria for a relationship? Why or why not? Do you find them more or less attractive? I have heard a range of responses both irl and on here, and I have my own personal experience which I will reserve judgement from. Interested to hear some responses",,21,[deleted],2023-12-24 14:58:20 PurplePillDebate,18q37x0,Why are people obsessed with having a large quantity of love interests and being the most desirable?,"\> (Popular group) is always gonna do better than (medicore group). Gonna be honest, Im getting tired of this sentiment. I can’t see how it’s good to live your life “needing” the most validation from people. It has to be desperation for validation. Otherwise, what good is quantity?Having 90 losers rather 9 losers wanting you is only good if you want losers. Similar to quality over quantity, why do people “need” everyone’s adoration? Why not be fine with a few people liking you and leaving it at that? The average person has a family, has friends, has sex, and has a relationship. So what exactly is so bad about not having as much as someone else? Why the comparisons? Because it seems it only leads to misery. ",,7,LillthOfBabylon,2023-12-24 20:31:33 PurplePillDebate,18q2vnb,Is love just a societal construct that we've been conditioned to believe in?,"First of all, let's talk about the practical side of love. You know how they say that love is blind? Well, let me tell you, it's also deaf and dumb. Have you ever been in a relationship where you couldn't hear your partner snore because you were too busy being in love? Or when you couldn't understand a word they said because you were too busy being in love? Love can make you forget about the little things that really matter. But let's not stop there. Have you ever noticed how love can make you forget about your own needs and wants? You know how they say that love is selfless? Well, let me tell you, it's also selfish. Love can make you put your partner's needs before your own, even if it means sacrificing your own happiness. And let's not forget about the pressure to always be in love. It's like love is this big, looming monster that we have to constantly feed and nurture, or else it will wither and die. Now, I know what some of you might be thinking. ""But what about the good parts of love? The butterflies in your stomach, the feeling of being swept off your feet?"" Well, let me tell you, those feelings are fleeting. They come and go like a fart in the wind. And before you know it, you're left with nothing but a bunch of bills and a partner who snores louder than a freight train. But here's the thing. Love isn't overrated because it doesn't exist. Love is just a word we use to describe a complex set of emotions and behaviors that we experience in relationships. And while those emotions and behaviors can be powerful and meaningful, they don't have to define our entire existence. We can choose to prioritize other things in our lives, like our own happiness and well-being, without sacrificing the relationships we have with others. So why do we continue to perpetuate this idea that love is the most important thing in the world? I think it has something to do with our society's obsession with romance and fairy tales. We're told from a young age that love is this magical, mystical thing that will solve all our problems and make everything right in the world. But in reality, love is just another part of life, no more important than friendship or family or personal growth. Love is not a cure-all for all our problems, nor is it the only thing that matters in life. We should strive to prioritize other aspects of our lives as well, like our own happiness and well-being, without sacrificing the relationships we have with others. So let's stop treating love like this big, looming monster that we have to constantly feed and nurture, and start treating it like just another part of life that deserves our respect and attention, but not necessarily our obsession. Thank you!",,3,ASHAMED_CRIMINAL,2023-12-24 20:13:58 PurplePillDebate,18po79e,Men Who Have Been on These Forums and Have Dated - How do you manage?,"Many of us are still stuck in the conundrum of wondering if we’ll ever get dates or have a girlfriend. I’m hopeful that at some point I’ll be able to go on dates and maybe have a relationship, but I’m very concerned about the endless thoughts that will revolve in my head if that happens. Many of these are ones generated from these forums, such as: - Why is she even dating me? - I have to be perfect; one mistake and she’s gone. - She might be my one and only chance ever. - Is she going to use me for money? - She probably has like 5 other guys she’s talking to. - What if someone taller/fitter/more handsome is interested in her and starts talking with her? - How do I know she’s not cheating behind my back? - What if she changes her mind and leaves me because she thinks she can do better? There are dozens more but I think you get the point. How do you guys stay positive and not let these intrusive thoughts cause you to be endlessly anxious or self-sabotage? I still rue the day I stumbled across these damn forums. Also - Happy Holidays!",,43,Disruptiionz,2023-12-24 05:14:38 PurplePillDebate,18q0epl,What other matchmaking pairing system do you think could replace the current dating system in place?,"Do you folks like the current dating sytem that humans have created so far or would you prefer an alternative to the current system?what i mean by alterantive is people complain about how inefficient our current dating system is in paring people up.so would you prefer the following?1.) using super AI master quantum computer to pair people up based on your psychological profile, likes, dislikes, preferences, stats, basically anything is answerable on paper2.) using the above example but instead of super AI its the government that does the pairing up so in essence GI partners.3.) create your partner from scratch using the latest in genetic cloning editing, pesonality programming techniques where you can create the partner of your dreams using science? (in this case you don't have to wait until your dream partner grows naturally but can be accelerated age to meet whatever age you want in a short period of time)what do you think? or what other dating systems do you see as the ideal system that could be used to replace the current sytem?",,5,kkkan2020,2023-12-24 18:07:54 PurplePillDebate,18pu3ch,What sapiosexuals actually are attracted to: being mentally toyed with,"After a recent successful date who was a self-identified *sapiosexual* and who responded to me in a predictable way based on certain behavior, I think I have enough of a sample size (yes it is many more than 1) to make an educated guess regarding the real attraction driver here. tl;dr * sapiosexuals more or less just like to be fucked with mentally * has nothing to do with necessarily your IQ ***Slight detour but important reminder*** First, let it be known that *from the very first* as a man you need to immediately and outright reject any woman's attempt to frame herself as *initially* assessing you on anything that is meaningful or asserting that she needs ""more"" than the superficial. For example, a recent bumble match opened up the conversation with how handsome I am. I personally tend to be minorly put off by these openers. Why is that? The Chadfishing proves how great they are, right? Wrong. As usual the MO is to request the meet up within a few messages max. So then she states that she requires time and that she looks forward to doing so sometime. Then she compliments my looks again. Now we know that this is bullshit. Sometimes, when I already know I'm going to unmatch someone, I will start pushing them. Here, I just said ""ah, I'm so beautiful that you *can more or less wait* to meet me. Nice."" As expected she trots out the ""it takes more than good looks, things like \[forgot whatever intangible traits she mentioned\]..."" My response, ""mmmm, but does it though? are you really a walking IQ, personality, psychometric, and virtue assessment battery? or are you a sneaky pete trying to become the magistrate I never knew I wanted until she assumed her place on the bench?"" She replies ""lol so what if I reject you I'm judging (doesn't even make sense in response to what I said). I bet most girls fall for your arguments (insecure). It's *going to take more than that*. (I like to make twats jump through unnecessary hoops) Hahaha I like you, *you're just my type*. (this IS HOW U PUSH N PULL LADIEZ N GENTLEMENZ)"" **Unmatch**. So, with that in mind regarding what we should avoid from women when we date, let's talk about *sapiosexuality*. The obvious news it that so-called sapiosexuality *has no correlation to objective IQ*: ***By contrast, objective intelligence failed to correlate with sapiosexuality*** (r = − 0.02, p = 0.765; BF01 = 12.84) [https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0160289617301551](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0160289617301551) Any guy with common sense can tell you this: brute force IQ demonstrations turn women off. It makes them feel stupid and powerless and that you're some jerk who doesn't even care about anything she think and \[negative shit keeps going, I'm sure commenters will chime in about how *it's not the IQ it's some other negative quality, or that no, it's not IQ, it's people thinking they're too smart blah blah blah --- they're wrong the intimidation factor is real and it's the wrong kind* that's why it's bad\]. Simple experiments to run on bad ways to demonstrate smarts: 1) If she says something *flesh out the entire universe of it*. ""Ya I like x."" ""Oh ya x is great, especially a, b, and c. What's interesting about c, is that both x and y share c, but y is generally disliked, even though the main thing people like about x is c hahahahah!"" \[*dry panties*\] 2) Disagree with her and be unerringly *correct*. ""Ya the problem with y is that z is a better authority on c I think."" ""That's interesting, because z's *entire viewpoint* just builds on their *general acceptance of* y's main thesis. Z has developed it in a certain niche direction that y never covered, but z's focus is pretty narrow compared to y so it's hard to view him as a better overall authority on topic c."" \[*dry panties*\]. **As far as I've explored and observed --- no women enjoy that shit**. What do they enjoy? *Being* ***seen*** *in new ways*. *Being caught red-handed in one way or another. Knowing that they aren't judged for ....anything.* That's where the attraction comes in and what I do believe women mean when they say they enjoy sapiosexuality. It's a playful type of intellectual dominance. Requires some mix of cognitive empathy, observation, and a sort of playfulness The subtextual roleplay is that you're like a cop and she's a criminal, and you're more or less just giving out citations for rule infractions. Seems to go like gangbusters especially for this type and overall be a fairly effective way to use intelligence. Example of this, as follows: The date said she rarely ever drinks. very attractive 28 blonde blue eyed future soccer mom corp. of America, type. Seems conservative, but mostly in a ""when I'm asked for my opinion"" sort of way. Mentioned on her profile that intelligence is what she really finds sexy in a man. hohkay... I show up she shows up, there's no real sign that my appearance is having any effect on her in the first several minutes of small talk. she I ask what she wants, she asks what I usually drink, I say beer. She talks about how she can't find a cocktail and that she likes flavored shots and asks if me and her can do a shot. I oblige. Then *for whatever reason* I just have this flash of inspiration -- sometimes you see the whole game ahead of time -- and instead get *her* a shot and chaser and myself a beer. I just *knew* that if she supposedly rarely drinks or at least was all about being consistent with that, she'd be irrationally annoyed by me altering this request. So she casually asks why I got a beer, and I said 'oh you know, just decided. they didnt' have any shots i liked.' we interact and talk. she brings up again. i casually brush it off. a little time goes by. she brings it up *again* this time more pointed as in 'and here i am having a shot and you're drinking a beer..."" I lean back and say ""you know, are you okay about that? you've brought it up a few times."" she blinks. ""uh, I was just joking."" ""3 times huh?? are you practicing material for your show or something?"" her mood completely darkens ""listen, you're being really weird. like *let it go already*. you're so awkward."" B+ performance tbh. Without experience I could easily see someone being seriously shut down by how annoyed she looked. ""yeah. pointing out *the shit you've done and said, is* ***super awkward****. I agree.*"" complete reversal, authentic laughter. then she recovers pretty fast, ""no, you're just one of these people who can't let something go. let it go, just be in the moment."" ""here i am, on the scene with you, talking a lot about this thing, that....*I'm* ....not letting go of."" By now there's a lot of sub-communicating happening and she's laughing... ""...you know, uh...cheer up, this is a rare thing for you,"" and then she almost exasperatedly hits me on the shoulder and gestures ""***I know so why are you only drinking a beer****!""* ""Ohhhh, *I get joke....now that you told the* ***fucking*** *punchline*...."" She's really liking it, ""you are SO MEAN TO ME! That's MEAN!"" ... Needless to say the date ended up very successfully. We'll see how this situation plays out over the holidays etc. Anyway, she *definitely likes this aspect of our interactions and it FOR SURE turns her on*. It's not intelligence at all. It's more or less *fuckwithery*. Just playful, creative ways to call her out for stuff. At this point after having repeatedly taking this kind of approach over the last few years since I started running into so-called sapiosexuals, this is what I believe sapiosexuals get hot for. And circling back to the original bumble match, she more or less *seemed* to get more excited when I started calling her out for shit. It was less subtle, which explained her quick scrambled defensiveness. The unfortunate reality here is that while there are a few situations where the woman in question was very attractive like this one, making it plausible that it's a viable short-term, near zero acquaintance attraction builder...because their desirability more or less could have negated my appearance....with the other women, this probably was not the case, and you know, I have no way of knowing. So this is unfortunately just supported by anecdotes. Any other experiences to confirm or disconfirm? &#x200B;",,5,SeveralLiterature980,2023-12-24 12:11:42 PurplePillDebate,18pmkly,Perspective of a grandfather who married and had a successful wholesome relationship with a foreign women and how it’s shaped my view on the passport bro movement," My grandfather married a Filipino woman before I was born and they had a pretty wholesome relationship for the most part. I always had a bit of a ‘defensive’ spot for guys who marry foreign women and the attacks they get. My grandfather back in the day use to run a hotel in a shipping port in Australia that had a lot of Indonesian and Filipino trade and the town had a very mixed culture. He completely adored the food and culture and was a kind patient man. He never had any problems with finding women in Australia. He was a tall and played professional Aussie rules footballer when he was younger so was very athletic. From what my biological grandma told me before she died one of the reasons the marriage fell apart was his interactions with other woman and suspected infidelity. I never heard the story of how he met his Filipino partner just that he would spend a lot of time in Asia when the hotel got to a point where he could step back. The relationship as a kid looked like a good model. The crossover in culture was endearing. Their biggest activity was cooking as she taught him all these ways of smoking, seasoning and marinating meats and they got this big charcoal grill to do a certain kind of Filipino grilling. She had her own meat dishes as well but always cooked up great vegetables, noodles and rice dishes. Everyday was a feast and cook up and this shared activity created such a solid bond. I think due to the language barrier this shared daily multi hour long 2-3 time a day activity was an important part of the relationship working. They really did seem like a “partnership” and there was a traditional element to it. He was very capable of household chores due to his time in the hotel business, but it was more in her domain. They had this beautiful garden and he would spend hours with this tropical jungle vibe in the backyard near the swimming pool and this native Australian front yard filled with native flowers and trees. Looking back it was symbolic of the merging cultures. He was also a handyman and had his own roles in making the house beautiful. It had its problems as well which I’ll keep brief. The age difference of 17 years wasn’t a problem until he got into his 80s and got sick and she was looking after him. She became isolated and cold and started drinking a lot. She also always struggled with missing her home and culture and found it more and more difficult the older she got. When they ran out of savings when he was about 82 and relied on the pension, I could see she had a money incentive as part of the relationship and realised how often she was sending money back to her family. Not having the money to travel back home as well then broke her brain and she became deeply depressed. I know there was big disagreements about the expectations of all the different families like how she expected my Mum to stop working and start living with him full time to look after him which would probably would be the norm in her culture. Mum was also dealing with 2 moody teenagers at the time. There’s are a lot of other little problems that I won’t go into. So what’s the point I’m trying to make? Well I see how wholesome this kind of relationship can be, but honestly it seems like way more WORK than any other relationship I’ve seen in my life. When I look at the Passport bros they don’t seem to have even considered the fact these relationships are incredible difficult to make work long term. I also just can’t stand the rhetoric of the passport bros. Hypergamy. Traditional values. Feminine women. The constant shitting on western women. It does seem they want a maid they can bang and want a clear power dynamic over them. I would agree that dating apps SUCK in the western world. Everyone I’ve dated I had met through school or work and really don’t know how to meet people anymore. I feel shame at the fact that when someone new starts at work I’m getting excited if we are in the same dating pool. And honestly I think that if you are a nerdy tech bro who can work remotely why not go embrace another culture for a couple of years and see if you fall in love without someone so outside of your bubble. I just think these relationships are going to be so much more time, work and effort then they are deluding themselves into believing. Just as a final note to add. I think the reason that the relationship worked was because he had traditional values due to his age, but was also on a more blue pill end of the spectrum. He raised his daughters more like sons and pushed them to do university and taught them the importance of being independent and this was back in the 60s/70s. He was incredible kind, undemanding and patient. I think she loved the relationship so much because it was very opposite to the kind of relationship she would have back in the Philippines. TLDR: dating someone of a different culture can be a wonderful and beautiful thing. However it’s got a lot of problems and because of that requires so much more work than someone you have the cultural background with. Passport bros honestly seem delusional about this fact and do not think of the long term struggles and the Red pill rhetoric will be it’s demise. If you are / wanna be a passport bro combine a blue pill perspective with a traditional lifestyle to make it work.",,30,thatsagiirlsname,2023-12-24 03:38:36 PurplePillDebate,18qk751,Men try to demonize women for choosing to be alone because they are projecting their own insecurities,"Everyone knows there’s a male loneliness epidemic. There are several articles and studies on this. I will just link one but you can find several other ones: https://www.healthymale.org.au/news/loneliness-silent-epidemic A lot of women are content with not being in a relationship because women have hobbies, friends, family, career, other connections that keep them busy and fulfilled in their life. But I’ve noticed men don’t really have that many things going for them and that’s why they are always harassing women on dating apps with a dozens of multiple text messages in a row, when the woman haven’t even responded once. They project the idea that women will die alone with cats so they don’t. That’s why you’ll see more men complain about being lonely and single than woman. I say this as a married woman. On reddit and other social media platforms I’ve only seen men complaining about being alone and single and being desperate of wanting a partner and I’ve never see a woman being obsessed with finding a partner. In real life experiences I’ve also never met a woman that complained about being single or worried about dying alone but I’ve met several men that had this fear. Women have a life, men don’t really have one, all they talk about is girls and sex. Women don’t make being in a relationship their whole life like men do. Women don’t put so much emphasis and desire on being in a relationship, like men do. Even *if* a woman waits longer in life to find a partner statistically she will still find someone than a man will. In reality it’s men that are lonely, single, virgins, and haven’t talked been in a relationship in a long time but women will always have more options than a man. There’s always more men looking for women than women looking for a man. Women choose to be single. Women can get a man easily. Men can’t get a woman easily. Men don’t choose to be single. ",,0,[deleted],2023-12-25 14:59:44 PurplePillDebate,18pnycl,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, etc... in this thread. Here you can post everything you don't think warrants it's own thread. Or just do some socialising. Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. &#x200B; If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,5,AutoModerator,2023-12-24 05:00:17 PurplePillDebate,18pafa3,Is the attention women receive from men the equivalent of being bombarded with food choices?,"So there is an analogy: A woman is in a buffet full of food she doesn't really want, and the food she wants is all the way at the back. Let's say the smells of the food are compliments from men. As a woman walks through the buffet, she keeps smelling all of these foods, eventually she gets overwhelmed because the smells aren't all that good. By the time she reaches her favourite food and smells it, will it's effect be minimized by the food she already smelled? Will she have lost her appetite? The real portion to this analogy is: Women receive compliments and validation non-stop from the male gender. On social media, in real life, etc. A woman knows she has alot of choice in men. She can easily pick 1/10 guys and take them on a date if she wanted. When she meets a man she is attracted to, and this man gives the SAME type of attention and compliments as all of the other guys, will she just roll her eyes or wills he ""go crazy"" for him. Importantly, this guy is not a celebrity, singer or anyone who has something that will make the woman infatuated on spot. He is an average guy with the same social status as all of the other men this woman meets. However, she is physically attracted to him. He is not the hottest guy she has seen, but he is simply there. So in the end, does getting non-stop validation and attention from men lower the effects of such attention and validation from men a woman finds attractive? Can this man give her butterflies **or are we entering the era of men having to be ""SUPER UNIQUE""** Thanks! &#x200B;",,20,Consistent-Gur6932,2023-12-23 17:24:38 PurplePillDebate,18pl0w0,What does it actually mean to be a non traditional man?,"I see in podcasts and also from real life experience, that many men complain that women demand a traditional man i.e. a man who is a breadwinner, masculine, leader, protector a provider whilst not being traditional themselves. But the question is - what does it mean to be a non traditional man? and is that such a bad thing? I'm assuming a non traditional man would be the opposite of the above. But then wouldn't women not be attracted to non traditional men? i.e. men that are emotional, not leaders, not protectors or providers? Can anyone define a non traditional man and moreover, are women attracted to non traditional men? For example being a stay at home dad whilst the women works? do things like that last long term?",,5,ShelterNo2786,2023-12-24 02:09:36 PurplePillDebate,18ppuao,"Question for women: Why do you disagree with the manosphere's explanation of the ""MECHANISM"" through which dating apps & hookup culture destroy dating, courtship, and formation of relationships? Do you have alternate explanations?","The premise is that pre dating apps and hookup culture (up until the early 2000s) the societal pecking order was well established. In high school, a boy had to go to a girls house, meet her parents, ask their permission to take her out, which forced him to be selective. The HS jock was never going to visit an unknown, below average looking girls home, meet her father and ask her out on a date, and then have the whole school gossip about them as a couple. He'd only do that for the cute cheerleader...someone he could and wanted to socialize with in broad daylight. Someone whose friends his friends wanted to date. Someone he had things in common with. Someone he could go to prom with. The pecking order was established, everyone figured where they fell on it, and eventually found someone at their level. With dating apps and hookup culture, the HS jock can be completely passive, doesn't have to socialize with the girls he's hooking up with let alone meet their parents, keep the hookups totally secret, while formally dating the cute cheerleader as well. And that throws the whole balance off and destroys dating in 2 ways 1. The less attractive girls keep hooking up with hot guys way above their leagues, continue to overestimate their desirability, remain completely confused about the men they can and cant attract for relationships, and keep looking down upon guys at their own level who would actually visit their parents and ask their permission to go on a date. 2. The less attractive guys are demoralized and cannot bring themselves to put in effort for or emotionally invest in women who are casually sleeping with other hotter men freely. Once they see how women respond to and engage with hot men, its hard to accept inferior terms. It is basic human psychology and these comparisons were not possible before. &#x200B; &#x200B;",,0,HamzaAghaEfukt,2023-12-24 06:59:43 PurplePillDebate,18ouawm,For those of you who think women can get anything for free?,"Can you walk me through the process of how this works? I’m not asking for advice for myself. But I’m a 33-year-old woman who has never had a man provide for me. Never had a dude offer to pay a bill, never got a free vacation, never even had a dude come up to me in a bar and buy a drink. I had 4 relationships, one that was a year and some change at 17. One that was just short of 2 years at 19. My husband who I was with from 22-28 (who died), then my most recent ex that I dated from 29 to 33. All had long periods of unemployment. None ever made more than $15. The ones I lived with pitched in, but I’ve always paid more of the bills (most I ever made was $60k annually). So when I see guys on here say things like: exist as a woman, don’t be fat, don’t be a single Mom. This is far from my experience . So I’d like to know how y’all think women do get free things. Like how would one go about it? Do you think guys just show up in DMs, or do women need to be on the apps or sugar baby sites, is it through just going out to clubs and giving random dudes sexy stares, begging on social media? How does it work?",,60,TheMedsPeds,2023-12-23 01:25:40 PurplePillDebate,18p9xky,AD HOC WEEKLY DISCUSSION THREAD,"**If there is no stickied comment below, assume it is a free-for-all of relegated topics.** [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/3aHh4trC7B) Include your reddit username, pill color, age and gender when you arrive in the welcome mat to introduce yourself and help people get to know you. &#x200B; You can also find Mrs\_Drgree on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/?hl=en) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree) for notifications on when good threads are posted.",,1,AutoModerator,2023-12-23 17:01:27 PurplePillDebate,18pvxqt,There are so many single girls who are great catches!,"Hi All, I’ve scrolled through this sub a few times and it’s filled with doomers and gloomers for the most part. I moved to New York a couple of years ago and I feel like the world is my oyster. Note, yes I am college educated, yes I do have a good job, yes I do have a nice apartment in Manhattan. That said, I have several friends who don’t have any of this who have wildly successful dating lives in the city. It is true that young girls are outpacing men in several categories; however, if you’re a young man who is literally just somewhat successful just a tiny bit successful you will become attractive to many. The truth is, girls in my social circles can’t find anyone bc well they want an equal or someone on their level and simply can’t find it. They’re outpacing the dating market at a rate that is truly beneficial to a man with just some momentum and something going for him. Many think the bar has never been higher - I disagree I think if you’re emotionally stable with a decent job you can get a GF. There was a podcast I watched recently where all members on the panel were in agreement that it has never been easier to stand out amongst the crowd as a man bc so many have taken themselves out of the dating market. I have been successful in the market and sense a bit of desperation, even though women will never admit it, there is a clock in their heads, and they absolutely do want to get married - most do anyway. I see a lot of talk about the 80/20 thing where 80% of women date 20% of men. Here’s an interesting [study](https://datepsychology.com/how-many-sexual-partners-did-men-and-women-have-in-2021/) that essentially debunks that. Also there’s been an increase in men having sex since the year prior but no change for women, as young girls seem to be driving the sexlessness statistic, contrary to popular belief. There’s a large silent majority who are in committed relationships or who are content that we’ll never come across bc they’re enjoying their lives with their loved ones and partner rather than being a doomer on reddit. The people in this sub are a loud minority. Another [link](https://datepsychology.com/how-many-sexual-partners-did-men-and-women-have-in-2022/) you may find interesting. If you’re a young male and you’re reading this, never give up hope because opportunity is always right around the corner. Remember you just need a single yes to a spouse, a job, and so many other things. And if you simply cannot find it, spend your 20s in a large city - where opportunities are endless, career and social.",,0,Kazoozi,2023-12-24 14:10:14 PurplePillDebate,18ot72t,Is it common to look up the salary of your date's job?,"https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT89rvPdN/ Saw this TikTok of a woman who is apparently not impressed that his salary was under a certain amount. That's fine - have standards... But my question is... Is this a common thing when dating nowadays? To look up the salary for OTHER people's careers? IMO, by the time your partner's salary actually matters (family planning and budgeting etc), you should have enough rapport where you can simply ask them about it. Or they'd have told you, right?",,40,Windmill_flowers,2023-12-23 00:28:35 PurplePillDebate,18ody5c,A lot of men waste time on women who don't really appreciate them.,"My initial post got removed because ""No non-neutral discussion posts."" So I'll flair this as a debate and risk getting banned. Anyway... I've noticed that many men waste their time, energy and attention on women who don't really appreciate them. Many men jump through hoops for women's attention, they pay for dates, they're always initiating things and try to fulfil women's expectations, and yet many of these women don't really even appreciate them. As a guy, you might go on a date with a woman who expects you to pay, and you'll happily do it because you appreciate her and her spending time with you. But in reality, she doesn't even appreciate you or your time, which is why she would expect you to pay for her. And if you didn't, many of these women would lose interest in you. In many cases, you're just another man in their life who wants their attention and you're willing to jump through all kinds of hoops for it.",,184,Agreeable-Moment-760,2023-12-22 12:35:58 PurplePillDebate,18ox3jy,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, etc... in this thread. Here you can post everything you don't think warrants it's own thread. Or just do some socialising. Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. &#x200B; If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,6,AutoModerator,2023-12-23 04:00:11 PurplePillDebate,18oce4h,Men need to make these dating resolutions in 2024,"A few years ago I made the choice that I wanted to have better relationships and decided to set some new boundaries/resolutions. I think I’m 2024 these are some things men can do to have better relationships. 1. Use the block feature. I never used the block feature until recently when I noticed some girl who had been playing games still was viewing my social media. Very weird, but the response after I blocked her she suddenly started finding ways to weasel her way into my view for attention. I started using it more frequently and it’s kind of insane the flip that happens. (If a woman can explain this please do) 2. Immediately drop women who flake from the start. If a girl flakes on the first date and you accept it, theres is a significant almost 100% chance she will do it again if you ever go on a date in the first place. Really don’t waste your time saying anything. If it’s on a dating app just unmatch. If you have their number delete it. Note only does it limit access to you but it cuts your connection to them, meaning you’re less tempted to get in touch 3. 2 weeks max. 2 weeks is a long time in dating. If you haven’t been able to establish an irl connection in 2 weeks, move on. 4. Be intentional with your dating. Know what you want and be honest about it. If you’re with a woman and things aren’t going the direction you want then discuss it. I will say be prepared to be ghosted because despite women claiming they want honesty and accountability, many will run away. 5. Now obviously doing all of these things will severely limit the number of women which may seem bad but it’s actually good since most of them would just waste your time any. Use this time for things that actually add value to your life 6. Approach more women irl. Go out more talking to a human in real life is much better even if you get rejected. The most common “bad scenario” is you have a short 5 minute conversation, get rejected politely an move on with life What would you add or take away?",,82,FutureBannedAccount2,2023-12-22 10:59:39 PurplePillDebate,18ojs72,Why is there a shame in expressing your masculinity?,"I have noticed in both myself and in GenZ males there is a shame in expressing all of our masculinity. We aren't ashamed of being male, we love being male, however these are some behaviours I have noticed: \- Acting docile and submissive in front of women in order to not be ""an aggressive dangerous man"" \- Not talking about your sexual desires so that women think you are ""good"" \- Not indulging in dark or sexual humour with women in order to not ""be a typical insensitive man"" \- Talking bad about masculinity. Stuff like: ""I don't like aggression, or fighting"" or ""I don't care if my gf doesn't have sex with me"". Basically thinking that men and their desires are just bad etc \- Grooming too much to the point where it looks feminine in order to not ""scare women"" or ""gross them out"" \- I was even ashamed that I go to the gym. I told women I don't like going to the gym (even though I do) because I didn't want them to think I'm ""too aggresive"" I think we can call this a **form** of simping and white knighting Why does this phenomenon occur? And have you noticed it? &#x200B; &#x200B;",,15,Consistent-Gur6932,2023-12-22 17:10:27 PurplePillDebate,18omn9c,I recently came across a video that says men who want to assume both gender roles in a relationship are inherently narcissistic. Is this true?,"I’m a man and I honestly want a relationship with a woman where masculine and feminine energies ebb and flow between the two. I know I need to step up and get a real job first, and I really want to, it’s just I’m having trouble on setting my sights on what I want/need. I’m attracted to feminine beauty, but I also want someone who could be there to catch me when I struggle in certain areas of my life. Is this too much to ask? Should I keep learning more about masculine vs feminine energies or stop labeling myself, get a job and go with the flow? How can I avoid potential narcissism?",,8,Third_X_the_A_charm,2023-12-22 19:18:09 PurplePillDebate,18odjm0,"Even the genders' more ""wholesome"" side of attraction is generally different.","Obligatory all of this is generalisation. There are definitely outliers, some overlap, yada yada. So, I like to put it this way: men adore, women admire (their love interest, eg each other). Men's attraction is closer to a feeling of endearment, while women's is closer to a feeling of being impressed. This is also kind of a subversion of how the genders typically are OUTSDIE of how they see each other - think of how freely and enthusiastically women tend to express wonder and adoration, kind of like an innate appreciation towards things like animals, children, other women, or clothing. How easily affectionate they can be. Meanwhile, men tend to act more cool, with more of a ""whatever"" kind of attitude. A man appreciating another man is more action based, typically closer to admiration. (Nice shot, bro!) But when it comes to seeing each other, both genders do the inverse. Perhaps because we see each other as representing the opposite, and we like that. When it comes to men, women can be like ""okay, you exist, then what? What's your deal, what do you do?"" And when it comes to women, men can be like ""aw, she exists, she is a cute woman, that's nice!"" Women having the preference for their male partner to be at least taller than themselves also kind of symbolises this, because from what I have seen, it's about how the man makes her feel on some instinctive level - protected, or even ""cute and feminine"". Men obviously don't prefer their female partners to be taller than themselves, and that's because men have a bit of an instinctive longing for the opposite - seeing a woman as cute and ""protectable"". I would say that even this fits into men being more eager and women being more selective, it's not just about hard penises going brrrrr, unga bunga, or women having to be more careful. I would say that it kind of takes less to adore someone than to admire someone, it's easier for ""aw, look how cute"" to kick in than ""wow, that was cool!"" All of this is still a surface level thing that is not enough to make an actual relationship work long term, just by itself. Couples indeed need to be able to connect on more of a ""regular human being"" level too, but I think a lot of people these days are a little too hung up on that (just like how some are too hung up on the opposite, on surface level differences). When the instinctive sexual connection is there, but the relationship doesn't work, it can appear to be like ""look at that stereotypical, shallow bullshit, it wasn't deep, it wasn't equal, they were not seeing me as a real human being."" Sure, but sheer attraction is not about that. Ultimately, attraction is based on some sort of an internal longing that we have to begin with, before we even meet someone, like some vague blueprint that we seek. It IS actually inhumane, it's a larger than us concept, it's instinctive. And the issue is, the more immature someone is, the more their ""blueprint"" will show, and the more blinded by it they will be. But we shouldn't hate or villainize that aspects of ourselves, we should love it. It's not what makes things work, but it's what it's *about*, it's WHAT we need to figure out how to make work. So yea, our longings and gendered ideals are predictably kind of different, opposite, even. This is how I see heterosexuality.",,24,FuuraKafu,2023-12-22 12:12:13 PurplePillDebate,18oj34w,Is it actually possible to have a relationship without any power dynamics and head games?,"It seems like even healthy relationships suffer from some degree of this - one person is usually pursuing harder than the other, one usually feels slightly inadequate, both trying to ensure the other one stays interested and somewhat moderating their behaviour accordingly. Is this just basic relationship dynamics or something which should not feel obvious even if it is occurring once you’ve found the right person? In other words should everything feel effortless (i dont mean it should be effortless but it shouldn’t feel like hard work right) and there should be no strategic action taken rather just being unapologetically oneself or is that unrealistic?",,9,StaticNocturne,2023-12-22 16:40:18 PurplePillDebate,18o9yb8,What’s the deal in regards to woman on women sexual abuse being completely ignored?,"All the time you hear about the same topics. Either metoo situations where men in power allegedly abused women. Males molesting or raping women. The epidemic of female teachers molesting boys. You even have a lot of talk about male rape and harassment of boys and men. What about female teachers molesting girls? What about female therapists having sexual with female clients? What about female prison guards abusing female inmates? What about female on female incest? What could be the possible reason why it gets less coverage and articles about it as compared to all the other types of abuse? Is there a way it can be explained instead of the usual turning it against men with the classic argument “well men sexualize lesbianism so it’s not considered real sex”. If that were so the media would have a lot more coverage because lots of pervert guys would want to hear these stories. I’d love to get real answers from educated women who aren’t going to resort to spinning it around on men. What’s the reason why women don’t care about this more?",,20,lostacoshermanos,2023-12-22 08:11:10 PurplePillDebate,18nwwpb,"A man who's sexually inexperienced is not a ""red flag""","You've probably heard women say that they're reluctant to date men who've never had sex/been in a relationship past a certain age (usually post-college). If no one has wanted to be with him by this point, there must be something wrong with him, they say. But is there really? To me this is another example of women's tendencies to gloss over their questionable behaviour by pinning it on the man and thus avoid any accountability for their actions. You might hear a woman try to justify this behaviour by saying she tried giving the virgin a chance, but he was so insecure about his inexperience that she had no choice but to leave him. ""You see, I'm not a shitty person, I was forced to do this by a shitty man"", she says. As usual, women blame it on the man by implying there is something bad about him, ignoring the most obvious explanations as to why such a man has been alone all this time: that he's unattractive, that he suffers from social anxiety, that he lacks the necessary social skills. No, according to women, it's because there's something he must be doing that's scaring off other women and women can use their womanly intuition to figure this out! The reality is, she's not expressing any real concern over a man like this. She actually simply views him as a loser and wants nothing to do with him. Let's face it, women do not actually LOVE men. They view men as a trophy, as arm candy, as a means to an end to impress their peers. A romantically inexperienced virgin does nothing for her. In fact, it's quite the opposite. Such a man is viewed by her as a liability. Her real concern is that he will lower her social standing. And one of the defining characteristics of women is that they are ruthless social climbers. It's why they are known to be particularly cruel to ugly men. They don't want these men near them, so they make every effort to distance themselves from them. So that is the reason a woman might not want to date you, a virgin or someone who's never had a relationship. Not because she has any real fears that you're a bad person, but because she views you as a loser but is too afraid of looking bad to outright say it, so she will make up an excuse as to why it's your fault that she doesn't like you.",,129,rejected-again,2023-12-21 20:48:18 PurplePillDebate,18o8iho,"More feminine type males tend to be attracted to ""alpha"" women?","I don't personally believe in ""alpha"" or ""beta"", but for the purposes of this thread... **""Beta male""** - less assertive, less dominant, willing to let the woman take the lead more often, might be less career focused or ambitious when it comes to financial success, probably feminist **""Alpha woman""** - assertive, doesn't take shit from anyone, handles her business, fiercely independent, ambitious and career-oriented, almost definitely feminist Do beta males tend to be attracted to alpha women? I have heard this mentioned on occasion in spaces like these, but I never examined that claim. What do you think? DISCLAIMER: Yes, I know there's no such thing as alpha, beta, sigma, etc. See 1st sentence. Inb4 ""it depends"". Inb4 ""everyone is different""",,16,Windmill_flowers,2023-12-22 06:32:08 PurplePillDebate,18o5dcz,"The talking point that ""older men prey on young girls because older women are less willing to put up with their bullshit"" misses the mark.","Often in arguments over age-gap relationships, a common talking point used by women/bluepill to attack men who date significantly younger usually goes something along the lines of **""these men prey on young girls because because women their age won't put up with their bullshit"".** There is a kernel of truth to this rhetoric but it's heavily clouded by value judgements. Let me explain. Typically there are several implied value judgements in the above rhetoric. * These men are heavily flawed and unworthy of dating * Older women have reasonable standards * Younger women have standards that are too low Being value judgements, these beliefs have no truth value. There is no factually correct answer to the questions of whether someone is ""unworthy"" of dating or whether someone's standards are ""reasonable"", it's like asking people to rank foods based on how much they like them. So when we strip the value judgements out of that statement, we are left with something like: **""Older men go for younger women because they are more accepting of their flaws than women their age""** or more simply **""Older men go for younger women because younger women have lower standards""** *I don't think this is always true by the way, it's more accurate to say that younger and older women prioritize different things. But for the sake of the argument let's go with this.* Now I think most people can agree that virtually all humans have some flaws, right? And that when it comes to dating, people are willing to overlook these flaws to different degrees. And ultimately, people want to find others who are willing to overlook their flaws. **So why is it portrayed as nefarious for older men to pursue women that have lower standards, and are more likely to accept their flaws? Doesn't everyone do this to an extent? When we slice it this way, that talking point sounds absurd IMO.** &#x200B; &#x200B;",,26,8mm_Magnum_Cumshot,2023-12-22 03:28:05 PurplePillDebate,18o3h7e,37% of Men have used prostitution: ramifications?,"According to an article on Medium, 37% of men have used prostitution. This is now higher than the percentage in the early 20th century, the previous peak (which was already above 30%). [Men Paying For Sex: New Data Hints At Shocking Increase](https://medium.com/game-global/men-paying-for-sex-new-data-hints-at-shocking-increase-1638e53247ac) What are the ramifications for individuals in this group? What are the ramifications for the rest of married individuals? What are the ramifications for the rest of never-marrieds, [including the 5.25% of adults aged 40 and above who have never been in a relationship](https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/18cin42/525_of_adults_aged_40_and_above_have_never_been/)? What are the ramifications for the overall dating pool? What are the ramifications for society at large?",,19,FromAuntToNiece,2023-12-22 01:49:13 PurplePillDebate,18o0xjf,Why does everyone here generalize from a few social media posts?,"I've been following this subreddit for a while and it's shocking to me how many posts start by claiming they saw something said on social media and then go on to act like everyone in the world agrees with it. Even if a post has hundreds of likes and comments those would still represent a tiny fraction of the humans alive and dating. Why would you ever assume that any given TikTok represents all women, or that one nasty comment represents all men? It seems to me that a staggering majority of threads could be dismissed with ""other people being mean on social media is not a reason to get bent out of shape,"" yet this rarely comes up. Why are Red Pill men in particular obsessed with what women they will never date or have the chance to date are saying on social media platforms they don't like? Are they deliberately seeking out content that enrages them?",,27,mr8p6h,2023-12-21 23:45:56 PurplePillDebate,18nxk02,"Why do women hate the ""what do you bring to the table?""","Women tend to get offended,mad or upset when this question is asked... And most women seem to think they are the prize.... Or that men care that you have a post graduate degree,or that you make good money... We have our own money....we care about shit like are you feminine,are ya gonna be loyal,a good mom,gonna have my back.... Thats what we wanna know we wanna know how you're gonna improve our life with you around not what you have built for your self... So with that out of the way why the hate for such an innocuous question?",,34,Gold_Supermarket1956,2023-12-21 21:16:08 PurplePillDebate,18od3jp,"So what would the dating realm be like if more men practiced self-actualization or at the very least, self-influencing, as opposed to always having that dire need to always impress women/others? Would the pace of competition change?","Self-actualization tends to be a very pretentious term, so let's use the term I used for context sake's, self influencing Now one could argue, doesn't society already practice enough of that, especially given the narcissism epidemic here in the West? Well no, because a lot of narcissism anyways still stems from that feel to upkeep with the masses, you're trying hard to win over the mass approval of the masses like a chimp in the circus Now true self-influencing or self-directing, is very hard to come by, and it probably isn't for everyone, it can be lonely indeed You would think with the way society is heading with the ongoing atomization, the ongoing promotion of rugged individualism and extreme social liberalism and the ongoing killing of social pressures, right, people would indeed be practicing more self-enligthenment Yet the opposite is even truer, people are getting their behavioral and social cues off of social media, the internet and pop culture There is no sense of raw burning passion for anything anymore In fact, ""obsessive"" and over-driven folks are marginalized and kept at stake due to coming off as narcissistic or self-obsessed So if anything today more men live formulaic and domesticated attitudes than say 50 years ago But I think the important question remains, would there be more organic bonding in dating as opposed to the ""forced"" kind we often see out in the open? **Please actually try to get a grasp of the context, don't just read the thread for reading sake's, I think this is a genuine question that could spark up an intriguing and interesting conversation**",,1,Concerntroll666,2023-12-22 11:45:01 PurplePillDebate,18oep6w,Masculine and feminine in a relationship,"So I am a female I am consuming a lot of ""how to be in your feminine energy"" content these days, and my source of information is YouTube. I solely depend on YouTube for whatever I know. These content creators say that, ""being woman is enough to be in a relationship."" ""If a man asks you, what you bring to the table, dump him, he is not worth it."" ""You bring life force to the table""(which is truez but is it enough?). A real masculine guy is happy to provide for you, it's the least he can do for you"". ""You have to just be relax, chill, be in your feminine energy"". So I am confused. Is it really this way or am I feeding on wrong content. Just being a woman(healthy feminine energy) is enough to be in a relationship.",,0,PossibilityPretend02,2023-12-22 13:16:43 PurplePillDebate,18o4uo5,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, etc... in this thread. Here you can post everything you don't think warrants it's own thread. Or just do some socialising. Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. &#x200B; If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,7,AutoModerator,2023-12-22 03:00:14 PurplePillDebate,18nmhu1,Want to solve the male loneliness epidemic? Stop letting kids play video games and promote outdoor activities instead,"Male friendships traditionally thrived during outdoors group activities like fishing, hunting or even just playing basketball at the local park. All of these activities are systematically undervalued in modern society where we are afraid to let young kids play by themselves at the park and we are suspicious of any male-only gatherings. Instead parents encourage their kids to spend time indoors, with an ipad, Disney+ and video games. Because god forbid you let your kid ride their bike around the neighborhood by themselves. That's dAnGerOUs. (nevermind that previous generations did it with no problem) This mentality encourages kids to be fearful, stay dependent on their parents for much longer than is necessary and doesn't encourage face-to-face socialization that is fundamental not only for friendships, but also to learn to talk to the opposite sex. ",,66,Novel-Tip-7570,2023-12-21 13:00:19 PurplePillDebate,18o21sr,"Have You Ever Been Cat Called Or Wolf Whistled, And If So How Did You Respond?","As a man I have been cat called by women, it wasn’t great as I was embarrassed, you get a kind of embarrassed feeling when it happens, but I don’t know how it feels for women, I was told by my sister (a routine Feminist) that it feels demeaning, and it also makes you feel degraded, but then when I tell my cousin, she tells me that she likes getting cat called as it gives her a sense of confidence about herself, so I’m left here thinking, what do most women actually feel about this are the feminists right is it straight up demeaning and there’s nothing else to it, or does it just depend, or should I close my pie hole as I’m not a woman and should shut the f up about this.",,4,Ceazer4L,2023-12-22 00:38:22 PurplePillDebate,18o1jv9,"Why beautiful women attract men who are shallow and fickle in short, fleeting relationships?","I keep seeing this pattern the whole time, at least in my area. Highly attractive women are often either in short, fleeting relationships or in a rebound phase. Whenever they attempt to date someone, that guy is often a shallow type, fickle, gets pissy whenever she has a lapse on beauty ie a sickness, stress, getting out of shape - and ditches her for the next pretty face. They attract guys who only care about looks *and nothing else*, get bored about those looks and seek the next novelty in chasing a new girl after a short period of time, akin to a gacha game addict. Not all pretty women I observe have this happening, but the occurrence is so regular to me I believe this is a pattern and not a peculiar oddity. For women out there, I wonder what is really going on in your opinion?",,1,PopularBug5,2023-12-22 00:14:48 PurplePillDebate,18odtwm,Would more women around the world engage in polygamy if they could get the kind of men that they want?,"This is a bit of a weird thought that I had. Just hear me out. I'm talking about women having multiple boyfriends and/or husbands who all know about each other and maybe even live in the same house. I think that women's have higher standards so the kind of men they want, are desirable enough that they don't need to share a woman. They can get a woman all to themselves. So, it's much harder for a woman to convince 2 or 3 of the men they want, that sharing her would be better than having another woman all to themselves. On the flip side, men can do it with money and status. If polygamy were legal in America, a guy like Lebron James would have no problem finding 2 wives or girlfriends if he wanted. So what do you all think about this strange little thought of mine? EDIT: I get the feeling that some people didn't read the text box. I'm only talking about a ONE woman having MULTIPLE MEN.",,0,shadowrangerfs,2023-12-22 12:29:07 PurplePillDebate,18oh68j,"Women are inherently more selfish/self centered. This is evidenced by their lack of ""hero worship"" CMV","It seems that women do not care about other men, OR women's accomplishments, while men revere others who have done great things. Sports are a great example of this: - Recent 5k run event, Female runner Parker Valby was going for an NCAA record. She was lapping several runners and only one woman moved out of her way. The rest of the women stayed in lane 1 and Valby had to run extra wide to gap them (causing her time to be slightly slower) On the mens event, Graham Blanks also set an NCAA record, and every man he lapped except one moved out of the way to let the faster runner chase the best time. - great soccer players athletes such as Ronaldinho would occassionaly be ran up on by make fans who would bow before them and kiss their cleats. Dont ever recall seeing a woman do this. And please dont bring up groupies. They are attracted to these athletes because of their greatness and social status/money. I'm talking about revering and respecting someone for what they've done. - somewhat anecdotal but just day to day conversation. I remember growing up always idolizing other men, thinking of them as ""Gods"", watching highlight videos on youtube which have hundreds of millions of views, and even reading about great scientists/military leaders/ mathematicians and being in awe. It seems whenever I've had a convo with women about someone else's greatness, they would always be put off and disinterested. Personally, i think its inspiring and humbling, but they always just seemed put off. Why do you think women dont hero worship?",,0,Complete_Baseball_93,2023-12-22 15:15:00 PurplePillDebate,18o6krt,"If your believe system makes you feel good, it no longer is serving you","In this ongoing ramble rampage against all the pills I figure I may as well introduce another counter-intuitive heuristic. Usually, the moment a social value and ***believe*** system you hold starts to feel good and you find yourself able to accurately (in your mind) explain most everything in your world through that lens, is bad. Believe systems occur when you are actively engaged in accepting them as true to avoid discomfort. Because we all love invoking the natural state of man 'round here, imagine the stereotypical male role: it is his job to interface with nature. Men make all these systems and theories and tools and plans to deal with nature as it comes. When interfacing directly with nature, this is a tough process because nature is chaos. So the conceptual frameworks men utilize are more based on pragmatic concerns than explanatory concerns. If you find yourself being presented with a hypothetical scenario or situation and whatever operating system you're running generates an explanation as to why you would not be there or in that situation --- you've got a problem. Because it is your job to deal with the elements and nature, you have to figure out how to be effective in this novel environment. A bad poker player plays all hands at all times, haphazardly. A beginner plays the best hands very aggressively. A journeyman plays a wider variety of hands and calibrates his approach to the opponent. An expert calibrates his played range to the situation and his approach to situation. Being effective involves maximizing your outcome given any situation. This requires a certain detachment from conceptual frameworks of the world. Or in other words, the sign you're on the right track to becoming more effective is mainly measured by the proportion of innate resistance you have to accepting yourself in any of those bad situations. **Movie example** They Live. (Great movie) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dN8Z7y\_QcwE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dN8Z7y_QcwE) The more you feel like Frank when encountering something, the closer you are to something useful. In TRP's case it means that many of you with the nice guy roots weren't completely wrong in your old beliefs. And that likely hurts the new identity. A lot. Freedom hurts.",,0,SeveralLiterature980,2023-12-22 04:35:26 PurplePillDebate,18nn6fo,"Real ""alpha"" male movie portrayals, like in life, the focus is on WINNING, not ""genuine desire""","In real life people who succeed or at least men with a healthy competitive streak *want to win*. That's it, that's all. They define their success based on *real, tangible* outcomes. Then they pursue those outcomes. Mainstream advice/blue pill tends to view desiring *results* from social interaction as just per se bad. Or at least that is what it seems like. We can dismiss that as foolish. TRP views all sexual contact that occurs beyond the window of *arbitrary time limit* as generally lacking true ""desire."" This ""true desire"" is another vague term, but it *seems more or less* synonymous with passion, enthusiasm, the desire to try things and explore, etc. the bleak pill more or less views genuine desire the same way. Those qualities will be absent from any sex other than early sex. Unsurprisingly this view is pedaled by a lot of ""game"" and ""PUA"" coaches, who promise that for just $99.99 they can *teach you* how to get there quickest! It is so obviously an attempt to *protect one's self against a reality that is always changing*. Let's assume the delay is always because of a lack of general sexual/physical attraction. TRP negates the existence of genuine sexual acumen, i.e. being a good kisser, *having other assets*, *good beside manner*, etc. and its ability to affect ""desire."" I've seen a lot of them assert that most sex just depends on them being them and that's it. How can that be, when most women do NOT report having great casual hookup experiences? It negates pretty much any other skillsets in the romantic realm that can be utilized to display dominance and the development of those skillsets. All the advice is akin to ""fold preflop,"" wnen you don't get the ""AA"" of instant 'yes!' How are you going to learn how to play entire hands of poker? A better mindset to be in with any and everyone is just to set goals and expectations and utilize all the means of persuasion you have at your disposal to bring about that result. Social life is just negotiating. Always be closing. **An example in the movies** The movie *Closer* is a good example of a real dyed in the wool ""alpha"" type of man vs. the type of man TRP is in reality. Jude Law until the end and by circumstance would be TRP's alpha guy, here. He has Alice: young, hot, stripper, and he starts an affair with, Anna. He's more or less toying with Anna when he decides to mess around with some guy who TRP would characterize as beta, the doctor Larry. Larry and Anna start a relationship. Dan upon finding out that Anna and Larry are in a relationship, convinces Anna to have a relationship with him. So, even though Larry and Anna get married six months later, Dan and Anna still are having an affair for an entire year. They decide to confess their affair to both their partners and leave the relationships they are in. Story seems like a cautionary tale for ""beta males."" Larry, after confronting Anna angrily, ends up heartbroken in a strip club where coincidently Alice is working. He asks her to sleep with him, but she says no. Ouch! When Anna comes to give the divorce papers to Larry, he offers to sign them in exchange for a last bout of sex. She agrees. When Anna and Dan meet one another, finally able to be together, Dan is completely devastated by the fact that Anna has slept with Larry (*because he's obsessed with some idealized reality*). The coup de grâce of Larry is in this scene: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UEJKjXM9rQY](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UEJKjXM9rQY) Where we can see that Larry's superior understanding of *reality* and *how the people in the situation are and what motivates them* has allowed him to successfully **dominate** his rival. In addition to demoralizing Dan regarding any connection he had with Anna, Larry finishes him off by simply telling him a lie about him fucking Alice. Because he knows that Dan's image of himself and ""love"" is more important than the real people in front of him. And the end of the movie shows us, that this move is effective because it destroys Dan's relationship with Alice as well. (In the play IIRC they in fact did sleep together, I think the movie was wise to take this direction) Point being, Larry is the genuine article. He's blindsided by a threat and completely destroys his romantic rival. I imagine TRP saying something like 'nah, he should have just left and got with some other chick.' The counter-point is that regardless of what you think of Julia Roberts, it's obvious that for Dan, Anna was his **10/10**. He *has the ability to fight and win* when he wants to. Dan doesn't have that ability. At all, because he's too invested in fantasy. Having that ability is generalizable to the rest of life. Women are like...the sandbox of these politics. It's hard to imagine that if all you have going for you is someone instantly liking you or else, that you're that effective among other men. :) &#x200B; * honorable mention is him using every pathetic trick in the book to get Anna to fuck him to sign the divorce papers lol https://youtu.be/6KWSlV8y4VE?si=OwDOalM3I3mqK3A_",,5,SeveralLiterature980,2023-12-21 13:35:20 PurplePillDebate,18n8bdm,Why do fathers react so differently to the idea of their daughters dating?," I was inspired to make this post from this https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGeNWWSbQ/ video but its not like these kinds of videos arent common to see online. Fathers tend to react way differently when it comes to the idea of their daughters versus sons getting older and starting to date. It seems like men have a fear of their daughters not getting treated well or just a fear of something bad happening and they try their best to protect the girl from that. Even the thought of his little girl being in the same situation than her mother (his wife) is making the dad that furious. Why is that? If it’s so horrible why is this man subjugating his wife to it? If most men were good partners fathers wouldn’t be so worried about the possibility of their daughters dating. Why would they if they knew she has a higher chance of meeting a guy who will treat her well?",,49,ThrowRAsweeter,2023-12-20 23:22:15 PurplePillDebate,18ngbym,Does Any Man Actually Do Better On Dating Apps Than In Real Life?,"I was curious and interested if any people do better on apps than in real life- like they can't get people in real life but do well on apps or some other situation where they do better online than in real life. I addressed men, because it's almost automatic that women do better on apps than in real life, but you have my permission to post as a woman if you have an interesting story, anecdote or situation. EDIT: If apps work better than real life for you- what are the issues? Lower quality women, lack of matches? Men here seem to complain on and on about the 80/20 rule, so it sounds like apps don't work at all for normal men?",,12,DaveR_77,2023-12-21 06:22:35 PurplePillDebate,18nglc2,Are men below being proposed to?,"Just watched a video of a lady proposing to her man of I think 3.5 years on Instagram, and read the comments. There was nothing but an uproar of women saying these awfully regurgitated opinions: “Well we know who’s the real man and woman between them….” “Sassy!!! He really covered his face and cried when he should be the one proposing!!” “I’d rather eat a Jean jacket and mop the ocean than propose to a man 🥴🥴” Imma be honest with y’all, it kinda bothered me. Someone’s gonna say too much social media go touch grass, I mean I just got off work and working on my YouTube videos but I’ll copy and paste my comment I left in response to one of the comments those ladies left. “Do me a favor and think outside of what you've been raised to think and believe for one sec. It's kinda bizarre that the man who's expected to lead you, PROVIDE for you in these times, ensure your safety physically, emotionally, financially, not to mention if you already have kids and/or want kids in the future & everything that entails, just isn't worth getting on a knee and asking to be married. I don't expect y'all to even empathize with this male experience cuz there's nothing incentivizing women to be that considerate of a man's time energy and money, but it's really bothering that a man is expected to do *that much* for another person(S) as well as himself, yet a man of that high a quality/caliber is below getting on a knee and asking to be married, as if a man of that quality isn't rare or to be treasured. Not like there's better shit he could be doing with his time and money, right?...that's really depressing tbh”. I mean both people could be doing better shit with their time and money of course , but again it’s on US to provide most of the time, regardless of how much money the woman may earn. This post isn’t even trying to get into the “okay a man has to be xyz, what do you bring to the table” type conversation, I just wanna know why outside of outdated traditions that’s been passed down, Disney movies and macho man / “I’m the prize 👸 ” misandrist bullshit, why *most* women never consider proposing to a man.",,10,DevThaGodfatha,2023-12-21 06:38:12 PurplePillDebate,18obiog,Actually a man still being inexperienced in his 20s can be a red flag...,"I know some men who are late bloomers and have dated some myself. I am talking about men who spent their youth studying hard and started dating in their mid 20s... Here are my observations: 1)Almost all of them had an entitled mentality, believing that because they studied so hard at challenging fields, like STEM, it means they're superior to other people. 2)Almost all of them had FOMO issues and believed that cheating is acceptable because they didn't get enough action in their youth. 3)Almost all of them had autistic and narcissistic tendencies. Of course in principle there's nothing wrong with having autistic tendencies, I am like that myself. However, autistic+feelings they missed out in their youth+narcissistic tendencies can be a very toxic combination. It's literally then combo of entitled sociopaths like Elliot Rodger. 4)Even though they made it sound like they didn't date by choice because they wanted to focus on studying, you could tell it was almost never actually by choice. They were just asocial nerds.",,0,Novel-Tip-7570,2023-12-22 10:01:17 PurplePillDebate,18mzrrw,International dating is generally good for men and a life changing positive event for the women they marry. Scholarly research - mostly by feminists -has repeatedly proved this. Lonely guys should consider it - particularly otherwise successful guys who are a bit socially awkward or shy with women.,"International dating, whatever it is called, should not be ridiculed and condemned. This is one of the most incredible gender issues out there, because the negative attacks on international dating have been emphatically disproved over and over. It is sad that these ugly myths continue to be propagated, because this unfounded criticism is preventing a lot of lonely men from even trying and forcing a lot of women living in extraordinarily patriarchal societies to remain subservient and at risk. Part of the ridiculous game the critics play is to attack the term “mail order bride.” They know that the term “mail order bride” goes back to the nineteenth century American West, and even then men were not buying women. Yes, there are many stories of mail order brides getting off the train and deciding to go home on meeting their intended match. At the bottom of this [article](https://www.saturdayeveningpost.com/2023/06/mail-order-brides/) is the story of a girl from Kentucky who refused to marry a redheaded man. She had a choice and other than being embarrassed in the local newspaper nothing much happened. Furthermore, they know that because of the International Marriage Broker Act of 2006 and similar legislation no one in the US, the EU, or the rest of the developed world is actually buying a bride – not through a regular dating agency. Instead they focus on a tiny number of sad tragedies - some more than twenty years old, because the critics do not care about the facts or the fate of individual men and women. They care about their theories of gender relations and broad cultural forces that they view as making society more just and free. If that requires obliterating the truth they don’t care, and so they continue to manipulate language and sometimes flat out lie. The facts have been pretty clear since the early 2000s when a series of younger researchers – usually grad students or faculty at smaller schools – began actually researching what was then usually called mail order brides. Often these women – and they were almost all women – set out to uncover a worldwide criminal conspiracy, so what they actually found was often shocking: International dating was pretty dull and overwhelming positive for both men and women. Oh, the humanity! Lisa Simons, a graduate student at the of the University of Denver, was among the first of these scholars. The publicly available [description of her work](https://du.primo.exlibrisgroup.com/discovery/fulldisplay?docid=cdi_proquest_journals_304692867&context=PC&vid=01UODE_INST:01UODE_MAIN&lang=en&search_scope=MyInst_and_CI&adaptor=Primo%20Central&tab=Everything&query=any,contains,Marriage%20%20Migration%20%20and%20Markets:%20International%20Matchmaking%20and%20International%20Feminism%20%20by%20Lisa%20Simon%20(2001)&offset=0) explains that, *This dissertation demonstrates that the matchmaking industry is unlikely to be linked to fraud and abuse in ways previously thought. This study found that the allegedly suspicious nature of men who seek foreign wives is not borne out by any substantial documentation or research. This study also found that the differences between the Slavic and Philippine matchmaking industries suggest that previous feminist research may have misunderstood some basic causes and consequences of matchmaking.* That was in 2001 and it was a controversial finding. It might have cost her an academic career, because it does not appear that she ever had a full-time teaching career. If so, it would not be the first time or the last time a graduate student paid dearly for not delivering results that senior professors in their field expected. For progressive academics much more important was the publication of Nicole Constable's *Romance on a Global Stage: Pen Pals, Virtual Ethnography, and “Mail Order” Marriages.* A professor at the University of Pittsburgh, she was an established scholar with an excellent reputation within among her fellow sociologists, and so her conclusion, first published in 2004, that what she called correspondence relationships were driven by romantic motives and, *…are thus sorely misrepresentative boiled down to crude materialistic motives.* Since then virtually every scholar who has seriously examined the issue, interviewing the men and women involved and looking deeply into the relevant government records, has concluded that international dating is usually good for men and often a positive life changing event for women. [Here is a longer article taking a deep dive into the scholarly research on international dating.](https://www.internationallovescout.com/scholarly-research/research-about-international-dating-mail-order-brides) But the misrepresentation and continue and I believe it is awful for many men who believe they have no dating opportunities in the United States and other developed countries. It prevents these men from fulfilling their dreams of having a family and often drives them deeper into social isolation and depression. This particularly true of young men. A recent [article](https://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/3868557-most-young-men-are-single-most-young-women-are-not/) in noted that, *Men in their 20s are more likely than women in their 20s to be romantically uninvolved, sexually dormant, friendless and lonely. This is a national tragedy.* And yet, if a man decides to go overseas to find a wife he is often ridiculed as a loser or sexual deviant. This social pressure is so strong that many men who do meet their wives overseas, often with the help of international matchmakers never admit it to friends and family. And they don’t tell other lonely men the truth. If you want to read a lot of [success stories about international dating you check out this sub](https://www.reddit.com/r/MailOrderBrideFacts/). Dig into the comments and then ask yourself, “Why don't we get this message out to lonely men?” International dating works and it should not be a secret that lonely men have to dig out on Reddit, but solving the deeper social issues that have caused our current epidemic of loneliness is not going to happen – not fast enough to save this generation of men.",,98,LoveScoutCEO,2023-12-20 17:17:20 PurplePillDebate,18o6fyj,Why do men want girlfriends so badly?,"Some men are purportedly so desperate for women, that they want to receive a government-mandated spouse. What would men do with a girlfriend once they have one? Also, if men should ever be entitled to a federal program where spouses are issued, do they expect that they’ll get to pick the one they want? Federal programs usually don’t work like that. Usually, you get what you’re given, and that is it. If men finally get a girlfriend/spouse after this program is enacted, are you gonna be happy with a Fiona (post-ogre transition) lookalike?",,0,[deleted],2023-12-22 04:27:57 PurplePillDebate,18n3i22,Why do players keep a harem of girls when he could easily get a girl he wants?,"I don’t understand why a good looking man keeps a harem of girls who are in the range of 5, 6-7, when he can easily get commitment from a girl who he deems as a 8-10. Wouldn’t sex be better for a guy with a girl that he deems as extremely attractive? Do you think it’s because an attractive girl has a higher SMV over an attractive guy?",,48,Spiritual-Fox-1330,2023-12-20 19:51:29 PurplePillDebate,18n3aqd,Is women's sexuality more self-centered than men's?,"Many years ago there was a short video on YouTube with a panel of people debating this. It has been deleted long since apparently but I remember some of the conversation. A middle-aged woman said something about Brad Pitt being hot in refutation of the idea that women's sexuality projects outside and a guy objected that she may like a man's looks but still expects to be the center of attention in some way. I cannot remember his exact words. Anyway that was just the opening to the discussion here. This is an issue which has bothered a lot of me for a long time. I remember back in 2010 or so I saw a very long discussion on a message board where a young man said he had asked his partner what she thinks about the male form and his partner had allegedly said that she finds the female body more interesting but likes the man's because of emotional reasons. The man said he broke up with her because of that comment. I can still vividly remember the shaming comments followed including ""You think you're Adonis?"" and there were also condescending, faux sympathetic comments about women being 'sorry' for him because he fails to understand how men and women are different and now he's all out of a partner. Basically their idea was that men should just suck it up and accommodate women instead of the other way around and they evaded the problem by resorting to the modern version of ""men are from planet X and women from Z"" line. I recently read a discussion titled ""Do women enjoy watching men's masturbation?"" It seemed positive from a male perspective until I read multiple times that the hottest thing was the woman imagining that the guy was aroused because of her...that was a bit anticlimactic because it implies that even when she wants to see a naked man enjoying himself it still comes back to her being sexy; it's still all about her. Sure men would like to be seen as causing arousal as well but men can separate themselves from the object of their gaze and appreciate females without necessarily having to believe that they have the woman around their finger. I think a lot of men have been demoralized and frustrated with this concept for a long time even if it's false. What are your thoughts?",,29,MacaronFinancial,2023-12-20 19:42:56 PurplePillDebate,18n4g39,Most RP tactics and thought process are driven by a man’s abandonment issues.,"The reason why TRP is so appealing to some men is that it appeals it one’s abandonment issues, and it becomes very obvious when you realize how abandonment issues manifest themselves. TRP fully runs under the belief of “you have to be the best cause there is always someone better than you and if you’re not careful she’ll leave you for someone better” - ie. “if i don’t act like alpha chad, she’ll leave me” Another belief is “female hypergamy is designed to have a woman search for the best mate possible. You have to be the best mate possible” - aka “if im not at my absolute best at all times, she will leave me” “Once women will age past (insert number here), she will realize the mistakes she made” - “well yeah i didn’t want you anyway! if i don’t care then never get you won’t hurt” “a woman who has been with many men is damaged, she cannot be sexually satisfied” - “she’s had more experience than me, she’ll realize i suck in bed and will leave me” “spin plates bro, forget one-itis” - “if i treat women as replaceable objects, i wont get attached to one” dread game - a manipulation tactic to trigger her abandonment issues/fear of losing you, most times cause you’re scared of her abandoning you than keeping her at any cost is what matters. The active interpretation of female nature at its worst as well, it very much reads as mental/emotional prepping for her potentially leaving. Now, there is some solid stuff in there - you should work to be your best, and not have ‘one-itis’, you should date around and explore your options and understand that everyone (men and women) do follow some biological leanings to an extent - but its the language used, contexualizing and active warnings that separate things lots of men should probably be doing and the messy interpretation the RP brings to these things - as is said many times before, no grift is effective without an element of truth. Tl;dr - don’t let your abandonment issues rule you, the red pill actively feeds on them and by committing to the red pill you’re entirely letting your emotions of fear and anxiety rule you.",,20,KayRay1994,2023-12-20 20:32:10 PurplePillDebate,18mt1m4,Why don't alpha women date beta simps?,"[https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGeNkYgxD/](https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGeNkYgxD/) Here is a video of a 38 yo ""leader"" woman who still wants a ""leader"" man and is apparently so desperate that she even tried hiring a matchmaker. A woman like this could easily date a beta simp. Yet this type of men always seem to be the last choice for women. They either get single moms or they're forced to move to South East Asia and betabuxx a local woman. To me it's ridiculous. ""Leader"" men usually don't want ""leader"" women. So why do ""leader"" women refuse to give beta cucks a chance.",,84,Novel-Tip-7570,2023-12-20 12:03:27 PurplePillDebate,18nbijc,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, etc... in this thread. Here you can post everything you don't think warrants it's own thread. Or just do some socialising. Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. &#x200B; If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,6,AutoModerator,2023-12-21 02:00:06 PurplePillDebate,18mxie8,"When women are afraid a guy is going to leave them after they turn 25, how often has this actually happened to women?","It has been said on here before that women are afraid that the guy will leave a relationship once the woman turns 25, and this is the reason why a lot of women do not take dating seriously under 25, at least according to some things said on here. However, has this happened to any woman where once they turn 25, the guy dumped them?  If the guy did not say this was the reason, did the women highly suspect it was the reason, based on the timing? Also, I have noticed that when it comes to my group of guy friends, it seems to be the opposite, that the ones who have married young, or got into serious relationships when they were young, the women left them when they got older, and it seems that marrying young is a higher chance the woman will leave later, compared to the man. So it seems that in my experiences with people I know, it's actually the opposite and the woman has a much higher chance of leaving if she gets into a relationship young. But this seems contradictory to a lot of women's fear that the guy will leave them once they turn 25 around.  So is one more true than the other therefore, because it seems that the opposite is much more true, based on couples I know where the woman left the guy.",,17,harmonica2,2023-12-20 15:41:00 PurplePillDebate,18n2fvv,Who cares more about sex?,"There's this notion that men only care about sex and that men will have sex with anyone if they can. There's also this other notion that women do not like virgin men because they would be bad at sex and the women do not want mediocre sex and are unwilling to teach the man. (and no, this is not about a woman not wanting to be with someone who has never been in a relationship before because being a virgin is about no sexual experience not lack of relationship experience) Based on these notions, men care about access to sex while women care about the quality of sex. Why is one gender (men) made out to be the only people who cares about sex and only see women as sex objects, while the other gender (women) is made out to be the only people who care about the individual when in fact they also care about sex? Who cares more? ",,4,ZeeMark17,2023-12-20 19:06:13 PurplePillDebate,18mj6lz,"For those of you who can’t get dates/relationships, what are some other goals you have in life?","This has been on my mind recently. I’m 28, and I spent my teens and most of my twenties checking boxes with the notion that I’d easily be able to date and find a partner once I’m set up. Well, here I am and I’m realizing now that isn’t the case. Now that I have a career/house/car/hobbies, I’m finding myself pretty unmotivated because I’m not sure what else I can do. I tried things like traveling and doing things in my city, but going it alone wasn’t enjoyable. I’d like to know what exactly some of you all strive for in life; what keeps you motivated and driven to not become despondent and hopeless?",,38,Disruptiionz,2023-12-20 02:11:15 PurplePillDebate,18m7a39,Why don't feminists just stick to dating male feminists?,"Why do feminists not strictly date male feminists or guys who don't embody any of the toxic masculine traits they claim to hate so much? Instead, they continue to sleep with and date conservative or traditionally masculine men who don't identify as feminists, then do nothing but complain about it. Can anyone explain this phenomenon?",,165,DietTyrone,2023-12-19 17:25:50 PurplePillDebate,18mf0g1,What are some examples of Blue Pill Media that lied to you about women?,"I often heard this talking point in this sub but I have never seen examples. As a man who leans blue pill, I have never seen media that told me women didn't like men who were attractive, charismatic, fun to be around, and knew how to flirt. I would love to see some examples.",,37,PPothy,2023-12-19 22:54:08 PurplePillDebate,18mdrmu,"Women talking about TRP resembles a creative writing exercise, they're mostly just bullshitting.","**I've browsed TRP occasionally for the past few years, and the shit women here make up about it without citing examples needs to be called out. This post is mainly in response to another one about TRP from a few hours ago.** > ""Redpillers want subservient tradwives"" Associating the ""tradwife"" meme with TRP is wrong since TRP is overwhelmingly anti-marriage. The ""tradwife"" meme gets pushed by new ""trad"" masculinity influencers like F&F and Tate, I don't recall either of them ever identifying with TRP. It's a label slapped onto them by their critics in an attempt to lump everyone in the ""manosphere"" together. > ""Redpillers want to control women"" TRP emphasizes detachment, which is antithetical to control. Much of TRP is dedicated to reinforcing the idea that women are replaceable and not worth fighting for. The prevailing advice is to be willing to let women go if there are problems, because there are plenty of other fish in the sea. And TRP is very much against the idea of being a provider for a woman(""betabuxxing""), and it seems doubtful that a man can exercise a meaningful amount of control over his partner so long as she retains financial independence. > ""Redpillers teaches men to feign interest in a relationship/love bomb to get laid"" The sexual strategy advocated by TRP is the polar opposite of this. TRP teaches men to not be overly affectionate, to avoid excessive compliments, to not be generous with money/gifts, and above all, **to NOT indicate interest in a monogamous relationship(even if you would be open to one).** TRP believes that women find less agreeable men significantly more attractive, and acting ""nice"" in these ways will lead to a loss off attraction or being categorized as the ""safe"" choice. > ""Redpillers are obsessed with virgins"" Lol. I can say I've never seen anyone on TRP advocate for seeking out virgins, the closest thing to this would be considering only low-N women eligible for serious relationships. **Anyways, if you disagree with my assertions you're free to provide counterexamples, but IME critics of TRP rarely do because, again, they're just bullshitting and parroting what they hear from mainstream media.** **And personally, I don't even consider myself RP and lean more towards The-Pill-That-Must-Not-Be-Named. But RP is definitely useful in a practical sense, and it receives a lot of unfair/inaccurate criticism from women using it as a bogeyman for any non-feminist attitudes towards dating that they don't like.**",,30,AI_CODE_MONKEY,2023-12-19 21:59:09 PurplePillDebate,18n6bsj,Older women are way easier to manipulate than younger girls,"I’m 25 year old and few months ago I made a comment on other Reddit subs that I hooked up with a 19 y.o and I attract college girls I got many comments from women saying I’m predator and manipulative to young women… despite them liking and messaging me first lol Anyways after that I realized many older (30+) women are extremely insecure about their age/youth I decided to manipulate older women on dating apps and while on dates to see what happens . Man all you have to do is make them feel young and say you want same thing they do (relationship, poly 🤢 or whatever their profile says) and they’ll sleep with you lol and do everything for you and then you can ghost them after bcz why the f would a 25 year old guy settle with a 32 year old ? Meanwhile younger girls will only sleep with you if they’re attracted to you and you can just be yourself no need to play games or be manipulative Another Reddit theory is proven false ime",,0,Fun_Resource7033,2023-12-20 21:54:13 PurplePillDebate,18m31v9,Why men will judge your personality and character based on how you dress and act and why it makes complete rational sense to do so when choosing a 'wifey material' woman.,"(reposted due to mod requesting to reflair as debate) Video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RN5WATm_rNA In essence, women who say that their actions don't define who they are, are being ridiculous. That's the only thing we can judge you on. Everyone uses heuristics to judge others for mating (and non-mating relationships). We cannot read your mind. Are there women who dress in skimpy clothes and go out to clubs who DON'T monkey branch or cheat? Sure, but we're talking about probabilities here. The probability that you're going to attract attention from thirsty men is 100%. The probability that you'll act on that thirst is dependent on whether a man you find attractive acts on that thirst. It's like asking me to play russian roulette with a gun where there are 4 bullets in the chamber vs. 1 bullet in the chamber. A girl who always dresses modestly, doesn't go to clubs, doesn't constantly try to attract attention from other men is going to be a much safer bet for long term investment than a woman who shows off as much of her body as she can legally get away with, goes to the club every week, and has tons of men hanging onto her. Conversely, are there women who dress modestly who don't make good faithful LTR investments? Yes. But the probability that they're going to be a good long term investment is going to be much better than the scantily clad party girl. Edit: I think this thread below is necessary reading for some of the responses in this thread because apparently people are mistaking anecdotes and personal feelings for logical heuristics based on reasonable statistics: https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/18m31v9/why_men_will_judge_your_personality_and_character/ke2ef7a/",,44,AdmirableSelection81,2023-12-19 14:23:35 PurplePillDebate,18n1thm,What’s with all the eugenics advocacy coming from TRP?,"I’ve experienced a lot of Red Pillers literally advocating for eugenics when selecting a partner. I’m not talking avoiding severe health issues, but things like height, and medical conditions that are well treated and managed through modern medicine. Where is this advocacy coming from? Do you realize that there is another word for outspoken eugenics advocates (hint: it’s two syllables, begins with an ‘N’ and has a ‘Z’ in the middle.) Is this eugenics advocacy a commonality within the red pill philosophy, or only something a small number of outliers actually believe in?",,0,[deleted],2023-12-20 18:40:30 PurplePillDebate,18mhqef,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, etc... in this thread. Here you can post everything you don't think warrants it's own thread. Or just do some socialising. Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. &#x200B; If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,4,AutoModerator,2023-12-20 01:00:09 PurplePillDebate,18m3rob,Nuances on friendship between men and women,"Friendship between men is possible and can be very rewarding... but first... **This is not for everyone** \- Not everybody is wired for that.- Not everyone is currently ready for that.- Even a person who has friends of the opposite sex might not want that with you- No one owes anyone friendship, just like no one owes anyone sex or romanceWith that said, let me counter some arguments about friendships between men and women.**Arguments and counter-arguments** ""Some is going to develop attraction at some point"" Some people have either a low bar or a very strong sex drive so they want to fuck whoever has a pulse. But this is not a universal experience. There are women I don't find attractive at all with whom I would not have sex with even if they made it really easy for me. ""It's only possible with ugly people."" This operates under the false premise that attraction makes friendship impossible or less authentic. It can make it more challenging the higher the attraction is and the lower your current sexual/romantic activity is, but not impossible, especially if you have the emotional tools to process those emotions and if you know how to do so. **Some things that I find make it easier:**\- Keep moving: as long as you are trying to approach or date other women (or men), things will be easier. The problem comes with stagnation.- You feel like you treat them: if you treat them like a crush, the crush will only rise. Instead, treat them like friends... hell, treat them similarly to male friends. Talk to them about other women (not with the agenda of making them jealous but out of a genuine desire to share). Also, ask them for support or favors in the same way they ask for support or favors.- Only engage in friendship with people you would still find cool if they were male or unattractive. If the only thing you want from them is looking at their tits, it's not going to work. Honesty with yourself is essential; in this case, honesty with yourself is also honesty with the other person. You don't have to have this friendship if you only want something else. Besides, trying to friend your way into someone who already said ""no"" is a bad strategy.-Speaking of saying no... get the no early. Do not try to befriend someone you find attractive before first trying to romance or have sex with them. Friendship with someone attractive is possible, but not before you get a clear no. \*\*Why is it worth it?\*\*That is not the first question you should ask; it's the second. The first question is:""Is it worth it for me, right now, with this person?"" After that, you can ask why it is worth it. Some answers: \- Friendship is an important value to you.- The person is a great friend that you really vibe with, even if just as friends.- Emotional muscles: my best friend is a woman. The friendship is great, but there was a period where I had to process some jealousy. Through doing that, not only did I gain a good friend, but it also improved my EQ. I am more confident, less attached, and less prone to oneitis or, long crushes, or getting overly attached.- Getting accustomed to the presence of attractive women: If you are like I was, I was shy and intimidated by attractive women. Hanging out with an attractive woman eventually made me feel more normal around women and less easy to impress.- You can meet more men/women through your friend (high energy extroverted friends goes BRRR) With that said, it's important to know yourself first and foremost and act accordingly. You owe friendship to no one, but be honest and don't manipulate. If you aren't willing to be friends with someone, do not pretend to be willing just to get in their pants, it's a bad strategy anyway.",,25,Aromatic_File_5256,2023-12-19 14:55:37 PurplePillDebate,18m9d0d,How much do you think enforced sexual conduct affects men?,"Normally people talk about how conduct affects women. The implication being that people expect or demand that she withholds interest until she ""finds the one"". Basically the body count and virginity type of stuff that are common in these circles. these usually oppress women, limit their options and opportunities. Especially because If she doesn't follow then she gets called demeaning labels. Whore, slut, promiscuous,bitch and more. I feel like the male side isn't talked about much.. Usually if a man isn't showing interest in a way that is wanted then he is demeaned or ostracized. He'll be called gay, limp dick, coward and ect. These expectations and insults, especially on teens seem to affect them in ways that are destructive. They'll tend to want to be interested in women the way ""they are supposed too"" and ect in order to avoid feeling left out. Like I remember one time as a kid, around 11. My uncle was looking at women's legs and then asked for my opinion. I answered in a way that showed disinterest he automatically began interrogating me on if I was gay. Other shit happened when I didn't reciprocate towards a girl because I wanted to be loyal towards a crush. The girl assumed me gay and coward. If it wasn't for like my general disinterest in their opinions then I feel like it would easily influence anyone to ""prove them wrong."" or other reactive ideas.",,10,_here_ok,2023-12-19 18:53:32 PurplePillDebate,18m7goz,What public figure would you choose to be a role model for the opposite sex?,"It can be a celebrity, politician, social media star, athlete. Pretty much anyone that has a wikipedia page. I know that no one is perfect. But I'm putting you on the spot and making you choose ONE person. Women, choose one guy that you would point to and say to every teenage boy, ""Be like him"". Men, choose one woman that you would point to and say to every teenage girl, ""Be like her"".",,14,shadowrangerfs,2023-12-19 17:33:28 PurplePillDebate,18lxwpn,"Women, what is your perception of the male experience? What do you think life is like for us, or in what ways do you imagine or see it differing?","Idk, the floor is yours. choose any topic you want. start wherever. Opinions about optimal cheeses for pizza to gender based taxation policy policy on a national scale. idfk ok not the cheese. I also promise to not antagonize you. I have no idea how to comment on the automoderator? Also I got banned for Woe is me posting so I cant help here",,32,[deleted],2023-12-19 09:26:31 PurplePillDebate,18myfix,Why do men leave their sick wives?,"It's a notorious statistic that men are far more likely to leave their sick wives than women are to leave their sick husbands, something like 6x or 7x more likely. Is this a case of men simply marrying women they don't love that much for wife benefits? Do women just tend to love more deeply than men do? Do men just absolutely hate being caregivers? Something that I think is also relevant is that men are much more likely to abandon their children, especially when those children have issues like autism. Why do you think it is that men are more likely to leave when their loved ones are sick?",,0,poopy_head4,2023-12-20 16:20:26 PurplePillDebate,18m8tpb,"If ever, at what age do you think “youth” stops becoming an excuse?","Was listening to the radio and a miley cyrus song came on about how she used was wild and made mistakes but that’s because she was young. Didn’t listen to it cause I’m not a fan but it got me thinking about how valid of an excuse this is. To me it only seems to be afforded to women and affluent men. I can’t count how many times I’ve heard a woman use her young age as an excuse for something. Maybe I could understand if you were like 10 and spilled milk or something but for example slashing someone’s tires when you’re 22 doesn’t seem like youth is a valid excuse. I can’t think of a time youth as an excuse has ever been used yo do anything but take away personal responsibility, almost like someone who does something stupid when they were drunk and says well that was drunk me. Do you think there is ever an age where youth is valid as an excuse? Do you think that age differs for men and woman",,5,FutureBannedAccount2,2023-12-19 18:30:57 PurplePillDebate,18m986a,how “male feminists” embody toxic masculinity,"So I was watching a video today about Vaush and his misogynistic tendencies towards non-feminist, non-leftist women, and it got me thinking - these ‘male feminists’ are a good display of what toxic masculinity is (given, they’re not entirely masculine and lots of non-feminist men do have toxically masculine traits, but i wanna get specific with this example) - i also want to be clear, when i say ‘male feminists’, im not saying men who identify with feminist values - im more referring to your classic male feminist (tm) the creator also went on to describe the difference between toxic and healthy masculinity really well - healthy masculinity creates a space of safety for all around them, toxic masculinity does the opposite - this can come in different forms, but i’ll use male feminists as the prime example here. Male feminists engage in a lot of the same faults a lot of such men face, albeit, in a more spineless, worm-like way. They’ll rage on and threaten women who don’t fit their world view, shame men who cry or show emotion when it doesn’t fit their worldview (ex. making fun of Jordan Peterson for crying), they ultimately still view women as lesser and assert that feminism is their only option (if you’re not a feminist then oppressing you is okay, you’re a pick me, you have low self esteem, etc), and they actively shame women for making the choices they disagree with (women who choose to be homemakers, to be exact) A lot of this sounds like a bizarro mirror image of what the redpill and your classical misogynist likes to do, though the obvious difference is at least these classical misogynists are honest with themselves and those around them. So yeah, a clear example of how toxic masculinity works and what it is is displayed perfectly by the behavior and words of male feminists.",,4,KayRay1994,2023-12-19 18:47:57 PurplePillDebate,18m2fhe,What happened to the CMV flair/tag?,"I remember the mods here used to basically turn every post into a CMV (change my view) flair and had really weird rules about engagement, such as supporting comments being required to respond to the auto-mod, and threads being deleted if the OP didn’t respond to comments. Has this sub moved on from that really weird format? If so, good riddance.",,9,iamsobasic,2023-12-19 13:55:03 PurplePillDebate,18mnvfd,TRP caps your potential and inhibits your ability to effectively pursue what you truly want,"Here's another one to encourage men to think past all the pills: it's hampering your progress and learning. All of them encourage wedding your ego to certain images: being a ""good guy,"" being ""an alpha,"" being ""a Chad."" Why? The sine qua non of masculinity, to those *in the know*, is **effectiveness**. Without being flexible, you will be ineffective and more be engaging in ego protection than goal achievement. Let's assume the goal is to get laid *without paying outright for it* consistently and without any relationship commitment. *if you were really concerned with the goal vis a vis a particular member of the opposite sex*, why would you care about how you got to the result? TRP believes the only path to true desire is from instant attraction and fast sex. For whatever reason, adherents seem immune to the notion that desire is a quality that *is in flux*. It can grow, it can wane. Let's say you're a 7 and there's a woman who's an 8 and who has been on the so-called ""CC,"" so she's used to being used and discarded by ""top men."" Ok, so what's the harm in dating such a person and *trying to go the distance* here? You can always just lie and say you're only focusing on her even if you're not. Why would this be a good exercise? IN addition to training in ego destruction and focusing on *results, i guarantee* that this would open up a man's dating pool. And that's really the bottom line of it: *you are never going to touch a real 10/10* without learning how to use the *beta and bux* aspects of yourself effectively. Nope. Don't want to hear it. It's not going to happen. If you just limit yourself to *punching down* you're never going to learn *how to correctly interact with power*. Think of it like this, the benefit of instant attraction and sex is like being part of a well-established brand. It's great. Instant goodwill. However, developing a unique brand and your own goodwill --- learning to do that consistently --- is *more valuable*. There's a reason why a lot of so-called alpha types are often wildly unbalanced, i.e. you always hear about some broke *loser* 'jerk' who bangs some woman. That's a guy who only knows how to punch down. That's it. That's his life. Maybe he doesn't have anything else going for him, who knows. I don't care and the fact that so many TRP guys get caught up with these phantoms and dregs has always baffled me. You're letting great aspects of yourself rot by refusing to learn about them and how to deploy them effectively. If you ever get a chance, have a female friend join the Are We Dating the Same Guy group in your town and take a look. Sure, there are some stereotypically ""alpha/Chad"" guys on there, but the vast majority are decidedly average --- *beta looking* \--- men. How are they able to juggle multiple women if it's as simple as TRP says it is? And for all the genuine desire guys, I'm sorry, if you can't turn any kiss into ""genuine desire,"" irrespective of courtship length, then there's a whole avenue and skillset maybe you should delve into and try to appreciate and learn, rather than just ascribe to some passive *alpha* aspect of your personality/physicality. So tl;dr: * TRP encourages one path of gaining companionship as the ""true"" way * TRP discourages men from developing other intangible qualities, when developed are just as effective at achieving the same goals * TRP will prevent a man from maximizing the quality of potential partners he can attain * Reality has plenty of examples of men who receive ""genuine desire"" from women without deploying so-called ""alpha"" means * Every man should try to date a woman way 'out of his physical league,' and just treat it like a video game or puzzle or whatever, to see how to best construct a compelling sales pitch * It can't hurt to know how to go after something you want even when your usual path is unavailable. * This exercise and learning this skill will make you more effective overall in your dating life",,0,SeveralLiterature980,2023-12-20 06:20:45 PurplePillDebate,18lot2b,Q4W: Women only dance clubs. Genius idea?,"We all know most women who go out clubbing dislike being hit on by males. https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT8HNwQfM/ In this video a woman shares a common misconception that guys make about women going out and clarifies the misunderstanding. She makes a great point! Solution: #Women Only Dance Clubs! ✅ You get to go dancing with the girls ✅ Not going to get harassed by some males ✅ No songs with misogynistic lyrics ✅ Safer without some males trying to be ""alpha"" Is this not a genius business idea? There's precedent for women only social clubs¹ in the U.S. so maybe it's an untapped market. What I don't understand is why don't we see these everywhere? Seems like a no-brainer. 1. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Wing_(workspace) Edit: changed ""males"" to ""some males""",,19,Windmill_flowers,2023-12-19 00:53:01 PurplePillDebate,18mi2o1,"We shouldn't believe in ""pills"" we should believe whatever makes us the happiest","No, this doesn't mean everyone should just take the blue pills and call it a day. If the red pill is working out for you, you should keep taking it. What I mean is that many people believe that the only way to be happy is to be married or engaged, when they don't have to be. I.e I would like a kid someday, but I also know that with Roe and Wade repealed and with how badly pregnancy can destroy one's body. My chance of finding a partner much less a partner that would like to have kids is virtually null, since I am not, and never will be Chad. I would love to have a nuclear family, but with the way things are, my only hope is surrogacy. Maybe they will grow up detached or messed up without their birth mother, but as long as I've passed down my genes and all my accumulated wealth. I can die with a smile across my face. While I truly think that red pill works and would get me a loving, supporting, and caring wife and give me everything I wanted, I would have work on a 6 pack that I honestly couldn't care about and get plastic surgery that I don't want. So even if I were to succeed, I would still end up less happy than when I first started.",,0,NefariousnessMost660,2023-12-20 01:16:50 PurplePillDebate,18lxc9j,Men do you have any natural programmed simp reactions and have you ever gotten away with it?,"I'll use an example for myself I have natural chivalric tendencies that I do without thinking sometimes, for example at a bar once for a girl I was talking to but not interested in I put my hoodie down on her chair when all of the chairs were wet from rain outside. She told me later that it made her like me and she thought that it was cute but honestly I was thinking a lot more rationally about it; I know having a wet ass sucks so it bothered me to let her get a wet ass. I took the wet ass myself because I know I can handle it and it makes me more comfortable to know someone else won't have to experience it. I ask because I'm trying to find out the line between where simping is a negative and where it actually works, as a lot of guys these days think even telling a woman she's cute is simping. On one hand I get where they are coming from but on the other hand I'm the type of person who if I think it I'll say it just for the sake of speaking my mind, not necessarily just trying to gas her up; and I compliment men as well if I really feel like something about their style or whatever impresses me. My main take away is that you probably don't have to force yourself out of chivalric behavior to get laid and I think dudes are taking it to far now. Although simping is cancer and should be crushed; I see it more as a lifestyle or personality disorder not general kindness or speaking your mind. If anything general simping stories are welcome too &#x200B;",,5,Spyro7x3,2023-12-19 08:46:15 PurplePillDebate,18mo64c,Why do so many men seem not to know how to hold a conversation? Has covid ruined men's ability to be able to stimulate a woman's mind,"men need to realize if they can stimulate a woman's mind they can get whatever they want from her. Stimulate our mind sex is automatically on the table. Dudes are always giving a boring conversation to women and making the vagina dry right on up. men stop asking women ""wyd"" every 5 minutes. make a genuine effort to get to know her. holy shit. i've never seen a more ""wyd"" generation of men. Articulate your words and have interesting things to talk about and interesting things to ask us Even the most attractive men will not get women if he is not charming and funny. You can't just stand around looking pretty, women will run the opposite way so fast I remember not even being that attracted to this one guy but once the conversations started rolling out I was super turned on because he stimulated my mind which= mind blowing sex",,0,Educational_Lab_525,2023-12-20 06:39:02 PurplePillDebate,18m20as,"To 35+F, what do you think of men 35+M who went on strike against you?","Online it often says men desire 20s for youth.. but what if that's not always true? What if some? Men? Don't want 20s, and went on strike against the 30s? What do you think of 35+ men (minority?) who choose not to date 30+ women for other reasons? **Short Backstory:** I was cheated on a lot in my 20s, gave flowers, didn't cheat, dinner dates, name it? I was generally what call also 'monkey branched' a lot. So if it wasn't cheating, then it was monkey branching. In my 30s now I started to notice a great upheaval for attention as if some how now I'm handsome and attractive, yet I look in the mirror and say no, 'I went from an 8 to a 6, wrinkles much?'. Around age 33 was when pill movements started entering the feed, and it explained to me the reason 'that person was focusing on her career', or 'this person for that' or 'I want to be friends' or ??? name it. **It explained what I call a womans plan B**. I define plan b as *'Save me for later in your 30s if chasing the others in your 20s doesn't work out'.* **So, I went on strike against plan b.** I hadn't said anything until now, if I post this, but I'm proudfully bitter at my own generation, Millenial women, whom I feel tried to save me for later, or who knows why. Because they have come back, but because of these experiences, especially being cheated on and the hurt of then, *I feel like I don't owe anything to the 30s. I feel like going on a date with a 30, there's no telling she was one of the women whom left good men behind in their 20s. and then I'm rewarding her for plan b.* **This of course puts me in a difficult situation** if I don't want to date 30 or be a parent for 20.. having eliminated my own options out of resentment. To be honest, maybe I'm not even asking what you think of this. Maybe what I really want to know, is for those who did this (cheating, monkey branching excessively) to good men in their 20s, if you are already 35+F, do you even feel bad for what you did? Do you even care? Do you even understand the damage you caused to these men? Or the implications that has caused to women now in their 30s who didn't do what you did? All posts welcome, perhaps stick to rules, but anything welcome here good bad mean nice, want to learn. Verdict of Thread: Based on the replies in this thread, a woman will have no accountability or emotion or regret if she cheats on you or exhibits those behaviors, even past her 30s... she will spend her life not being sorry and justify her actions. Once a cheater, always a cheater. They might reflect in their years that they shouldnt have done it because of lost opportunity, but they won't for the life of them reflect on how their actions harm others. &#x200B;",,0,RevolutionaryJob7908,2023-12-19 13:34:23 PurplePillDebate,18m1qmg,Is it the norm for woman to feel threatened by men in social settins in the US?,"This may sound delusional, and it probably is. But hear me out, I'm having a hard time understanding the US culture. First of all, I'm from Brazil, the sounthern part. I live in a 25k people town. We don't have malls, college, but we do have hospitals, parties and stuff. Growing up, I've heard the narrative of woman being constantly harrased by men, being raped and so on. And I'm going to say, I've never bought into that narrative. Because, where I live, there's just noone of that. I'm being serious, and with all respect to all the people that suffer and suffered with that. I don't think i've heard of a rape case in my city since forever, I'm 23 and never ever in my life remember about a rapist being caught, or escaping the police. Woman go to clubs here, and it's super super normal, they get hit on, they reject, and the guy moves on. I don't recall my girl friends ever telling us a story about a guy getting rejected by them, and the guy getting aggresive, or calling her a slut or whatnot. So it's really weird for me to hear these stores all over the internet, considering we are not more educated, or less monkey-brained, we are more or less the same society. We also have problems, we are not special. I'm not saying woman don't face prejudice here. They get catcalled (to a much less extend, since the city is also small; we also tend to see the same people over the couse of our lives, so ruining your reputation here is a much bigger deal since everyone knows you), they do have stories of guys annyoing them, or being to straight forward about having sex, but it's never the more harsh stories, like rape, or being touched inapropiatelly. So yeah, my conclusion is, you guys (mostly girls thought) are completelly fucked in the US. Where I live, the Womans only club from some post ago would never work in a million tries. They are just not worried about men harrasing them in those places, drugging them, and most of them would find that boring as fuck, they do enjoy mens company, and some men hitting on them or having a chance. Not for ego boost, but because, well, they like men. Idk what to add, it's such a similar but different reality at the same time.",,0,Audi_fanboy,2023-12-19 13:21:06 PurplePillDebate,18lbrvc,Did any of your grandfathers ever tell you how much better men have it these days in the same way women's grandmothers did?,"Inspired by a comment from r/Cool_Relative7359, I would like to ask the men what your grandfathers told you about relationships, marriage and education.Many of us women have heard the same thing over and over again from our grandmothers and/or sometimes mothers. ""Make sure you have a good education and a good job and a good income, don't be dependent on a man."" Many older women with many children (I'm talking about 4+ children) also say they would never have had so many children if they had had a choice.Did your grandfathers tell you something similar? Did your grandfathers always remind you how many more options you have these days and how much better everything is?",,40,oneblackcoffeeplease,2023-12-18 15:45:24 PurplePillDebate,18le97q,Is there a type of man that you would have fun with but not commit too?,"If so, what kind of men? I work out alot and I'm quite muscular. I've been told by some woman that I look like a cheater and that I look the type that goes on alot of dates. Many women have slept with me but won't take things further. This has confused me for a long time. I think that women view me as a ""fuck boy"" and cheater because of how I look. Realistically without not going to the gym and therefore losing muscle.( which I'm not going to do) Is there anything I can do about this?",,19,knowledgeseeker999,2023-12-18 17:28:56 PurplePillDebate,18lno1g,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, etc... in this thread. Here you can post everything you don't think warrants it's own thread. Or just do some socialising. Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. &#x200B; If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,7,AutoModerator,2023-12-19 00:00:10 PurplePillDebate,18l1wlr,"Women narcissistically define ""maturity/adulthood"" based on how they tend to behave and ""immaturity/childishness"" based on how men tend to behave.","Toilet/sexual humor, something associated with children and men, is labelled as ""childish/immature"" because women don't like it. Conversely, frequent crying and moodiness, something associated with children and women, is considered perfectly healthy by them. Another example, a man who doesn't do a lot around the home would almost always labelled as ""childish/immature"" by women, even if he is the primary or sole provider for the family. Conversely, a woman who earns little or no income is does not face the same stigma. This is indicative of devaluing the male role of a provider, and it makes little sense since it's far more common for children to do housework than it is for them to earn money for the household(at least in the west). So if anything earning income is a better indicator of maturity than doing housework.",,52,AI_CODE_MONKEY,2023-12-18 06:10:54 PurplePillDebate,18l6o9v,Whats the most attractive thing a man/woman can say to you?,"For me itd be: 'I will do all the cooking' Jokes aside, itd probably be something along the lines of 'first time experience'. Even if its a lie, thats for you to figure out. Can you imagine hearing the opposite of that? 'I did this and that with this other guy' Been there fam, MVP did not come out to play and i never saw her again",,6,KeyAcan,2023-12-18 11:37:57 PurplePillDebate,18lued1,Will Majors take the RP?,"I'm sure some of you have been keeping up with Jonathan Majors and the trial. Now that the verdict is out. Which is equivalent to speeding ticket or accidentally knocking someone down. Will he keep feeding on the BP? Will he Take the RP and escape the matrix? My hope is that he takes the RP, but don't subscribe to any particular ideology that steams from men getting screwed over by the system. Because the RP is a part of that system of control. It's best to walk away from the system. If I were to advise him. Dump Megan Good... Take a nice vacation in a different country. Somewhere not ultra popular or expensive. Dress normal, act normal and find a partner. Initially don't mention anything about your money, fame or riches. After a year or two once she love him for him and not what he has. And he intends to settle down. Then he reveals to her his past. The case and everything. Ask for marriage, but present a PRENUP! Move to a state or country where the law will respect that iron clad prenup. Make sure she has lawyers present when she signs it. His career is messed, because of a toxic relationship. He wanted a woman who is as classy, respectful and professional as Michelle Obama. But he picked a toxic chick. He can blame no one else but himself. And he needs to take time, accountablily and reflect on his decision.",,0,lovestocomment,2023-12-19 05:34:59 PurplePillDebate,18kqwjc,Do you think people find you boring?,"The question many times to degrades to “Do I find normies boring” or “I’m bored”. That’s not the question. The question is specifically if you feel other find you boring/uninteresting. On par with “what do you bring to the table” but not so much hooking up. What do you bring to people that prevents their boredom with you? What about you makes you stand out? Fedora collection? Star wars trivia? Why would anyone want to know you? Hopefully positive replies only.",,35,Geselshaft,2023-12-17 20:50:10 PurplePillDebate,18luncp,"Men should be able to ""emotionally cheat""","If you really think about it, as long as it doesn't get physical it's no different from how women will still have guys chasing her even though she is in a relationship. Like think of it like this: If shit ever hits the fan and your relationship is looking like it's about to end, she has her replacement bf/husband basically ready on call. Meanwhile it's highly unlikely a guy has the same insurance policy, UNLESS he has an emotional affair partner.",,0,Many_Dragonfly4154,2023-12-19 05:49:18 PurplePillDebate,18ktdu2,Is it that bad for a virgin to have to practice?,"There are threads on here about how virgin guys want virgin women who are also virgins, but of course that is very difficult to find. In my personal experience I was forced to hook up with women that were a lot more experienced than I was when first starting out. And of course I knew I would suck the first few dozen times probably at least, but I ended up hooking up with women who thought I sucked and just kept practicing, until I got good. Then I was able to make a much better impression on new women after that. But it seems a lot of guys want to skip over the practice process, find a woman who is also a virgin, and hope she will be the one and only for him, without any practice beforehand. Is this not the best or more practical way to go about it, or does the method I chose to do also have its problems as well and isn't necessarily the more practical method? ",,18,harmonica2,2023-12-17 22:41:10 PurplePillDebate,18kzpmj,Question for singles: What do you imagine doing in a relationship?,"I'm mildly curious about this so I figured I'd ask. If you're currently single and want a relationship, what is the thing you want most out of a relationship? It can be a specific act or action that embodies a good relationship to you, or an event or object you want to share with someone, or just a goal you want to reach with another person. I'm genuinely not trying to judge or prove anything here and mostly just curious as to what the results will be.",,5,NockerJoe,2023-12-18 04:02:39 PurplePillDebate,18kp4l0,Does anyone else think flirting is so embarrassing?,"Almost every time I see or hear a person initiating a flirtation, whether in real life or in some sort of fiction and no matter what the outcome is, I get a cringe punch. It just seems so cheesy and forced to me, no matter who does it or how they do it. Do women like flirting? Are there relationships that were formed because of it? I'm guessing yes or it wouldn't be as widespread. I don't remember a single time in my life when I have flirted and just imagining that I do it makes me quite uncomfortable. Anyway... Does it happen to anyone else? What do you have to say about this? ",,22,Phantom-H,2023-12-17 19:32:21 PurplePillDebate,18l7bph,"Women : would you rather be rather be ""forced"" to work or be forced to marry ?","As we all know, women do not need to marry a provider to survive, because they are now free to work and earn money for themselves. However, as it always turns out with neoliberalism, this ""freedom"" to work has now turned into a necessity. Most women simply cannot afford to not work anymore. This is partially due to the fact that women now compete with men on the job market, thus lowering the wages of each individual workers; (supply of labor increase) So my question to women is this : are you happy with being kinda forced to work but having freedom to marry if you want to, or would you rather be kinda forced to find a man able to provide a good lifestyle for you as a stay at home wife ? Edit : of course you would be free to choose the man that you to marry (similarilly to your freedom to choose a career path today). Edit 2 : many women say that they do not want to rely on another person and I understand how it’s risky (for a man as well) But marriage is all about interdependency anyways. You may get a home to buy a house together, grow childten with the intent of giving them the best education possible etc ..) Getting into marriage for « romance » reasons does not remove that risk Do you not want to marry at all then ? Cause marriage implies dependancy to a man in any case. Final edit : I get it, it's a hard ""no"" from most of you guys, stop downvoting all my comments already, i was just asking question. You're making me lose my hard earned karma points !",,2,Atrass,2023-12-18 12:17:11 PurplePillDebate,18khxin,Women who are looking for a father not a partner.,There is a group of men who are being taking to task for waiting a mother not a partner when dating. Ultimately I think it is a fair critique. Now there is a good amount of women that are just looking for a father not a partner. I don't see these women getting the same shit that the men do. It is the exact same mindset. Why do you think this is? I am I just missing the criticism?,,62,meisterkraus,2023-12-17 14:00:35 PurplePillDebate,18ktt4h,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, etc... in this thread. Here you can post everything you don't think warrants it's own thread. Or just do some socialising. Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. &#x200B; If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,12,AutoModerator,2023-12-17 23:00:14 PurplePillDebate,18kl7m8,When does putting your best foot forward become deception?,"https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT8usALh7/ Just saw this TikTok of an exasperated woman fed up with males portraying themselves as better men than they really are. She's driving down the street with a megaphone shouting that men need to be more honest about if they suck. This leads me to my question. People always say, *""Just be yourself""* is ostensibly to ensure that the person ends up liking you for who you really are and you don't have to maintain a facade for the rest of your life. But being your basic self, while everyone else is putting their best foot forward will lower your odds of success. And then there's the new version of, *""Just be your best self""*. But at what point is your best? Unmaintainable over the long term?",,19,Windmill_flowers,2023-12-17 16:38:33 PurplePillDebate,18lfsf8,Why are redpillers sore about marriage?,"As a purple pill incel I can only speculate as to the mindset of my fucked brothers and sisters. However i was kinda surprised by the passionate responses these topics can and will elicit along with paternity tests and body-count. But none of the discussions delve into what i think is the heart of the issue. There is top tier gaslighting that society insists on subjecting men and women to, a gaslighting that they insist on subjecting to each other. Marriage has been and will always be a legal contract. However it is the only legal contract we insist should be made under the condition of mental impairment. We think that ideally the persons entering into the contract ought to have rose tinted glasses on which makes it difficult to sus out the users manipulators and abusers. Now women are the weaker gender with far more to lose if they chose poorly, hence society has made laws to try and help them in case of financial and physical abuse. Even if there was nothing of the sort they try to equalize things such that they can continue the ""lifestyle they are accustomed to"". We cant hold them responsible for choosing poorly because that would be shitty to do so. Even monetarily things are worded such that the lesser earning partner has the advantage. Which tacitly benefits majority f women in these situations because ""hyper-gamy"" Basically even if things workout poorly for them they are insulated from the worst case scenario by society and their own desicion tree ( Assuming ofcourse that they survive the first ass whooping and ave the mental wherewithal to run out before the second ) And of course hypo-agency rules supreme Men? they are fucked. The prevailing view in the zeitgeists is that men marry not because marriage is the goal but because the woman they are with makes it worth it. When in doubt what is asked of him is "" do you love her?"" IF he has voices concerns over the marriage to his partner he is likely to be met with tears and emotional blackmail and claims to him not loving her. Even on here a significant proportion of women believe that by asking for a prenup he is displaying a lack of trust. &#x200B; And all of this is fair. What they feel is valid. and marriage is a decision you make when you love and trust someone. &#x200B; But when the cornerstone of marriage is emotional why do men have to disproportionately bear the legal and economic cost? If marriage is a decision that is encouraged to be an emotional one why even attempt to divide property and savings as if it was infact a business deal? &#x200B; Hell i will grant you this caveat. If you have children you need to pay child support. This is Not controversial But then in the case of childless couples (even long term ones) why not divide it in terms of what each side brought into the marriage and what each side grew that to? And even in the cases with children, you are going from the combined income supporting one house to supporting two houses. There is gonna be a dip in the standard of living, that is to be expected. So why attempt to saddle the higher income partner (man ) with the brunt of trying to maintain the standard of living for the other household even at the expense of his own? we are essentially enhancing her ability to pursue happiness while actively sabotaging his. I think this is what rubs redpillers and divorcees the wrong way, outside of any truly horrific type of injury they themselves had to deal with. Fact is Bluepill society tries to present marriage as a net benefit for men. And chides redpillers for having a mercenary attitude about it, ignoring the fact that women by default have a mercenary approach to love and relationship. Ignoring the fact that by signing that document they are essentially putting themselves in a weaker position if they are ""higher earning partner"" It doesn't at all feel like something done in good faith and the paranoids over at redpill will obviously see this a method to extract the most value out of them at the ""plantation"". At that point I canteven blame them. It absolutely feels that way",,0,AdEffective7894s,2023-12-18 18:31:15 PurplePillDebate,18l0z0y,Why TRP is misguided about 'betabux',"TRP outlines 'betabux' strategies as a strategies that involve providing care and support for women in non-sexual ways. Typically included in the definition is that the individual providing these resources to the woman is who she chooses *when she decides to settle down*. I've stated several times that money/wealth, *at high enough levels*, is second to **none** for men in securing sexual access to *and so-called submission from the opposite sex.* This study obliquely touches on many dynamics I've previously referred to. For example, self-suppression, even in cases where individuals may be far more competent than they are presenting. Anther example is the perpetual social circle that automatically comes with such wealth, that is constantly reinforcing the man at the center's high social status. It's only a qualitative study, though. Grain of salt. [https://www.rsfjournal.org/content/8/7/112](https://www.rsfjournal.org/content/8/7/112) However, the presence of monetary responsibility and support, just like the presence of emotional support, and many other ""beta"" behaviors, grants a man in any relationship *more leverage*. Men who want women to *submit* to them, in any way, while at the same time doubling down on ""acting alpha"" all the time, or most of the time, should take a look at the wide world. A cis male employee will obey commands from his boss. The cis male does not want to fuck his boss. Yet the boss extracts reliable, steady submission from the male because the boss *has other leverage*. ""Acting alpha"" or an ""alpha male"" tends to refer to a suite of traits, physical and behavioral, that women find sexually attractive. That's the best way I can put it, because the concept is vague and seems driven primarily by the result of these actions/traits. The issue is that, in the short-term, only physical traits *appear* to meaningfully influence female sexual desire. In the long-term, the traits touted by TRP have a variable effect on female attraction and essentially depend on results, i.e. dominant behavior is attractive to the extent that a man *is a general winner of those dominance contests*.\* Contrast that with the ""Beta traits,"" like kindness and altruism, which in the long-term *make a man more physically attractive to women*. While I generally conduct my dating life with timescales to sex that are consistent with TRP, my reasons are far removed from TRP's. I've personally observed the latter phenomenon several times, personal qualities causing someone to become more *sexually attracted* to me over time. I have a high sense of justice and generally abhor displays of social dominance and aggression without cause: I'd say greater than 90% of such displays are without any real cause beyond social value taking. It's a form of altruism and also, due to the many types of force required to thwart these displays, incidental prestige. It's rare that I've ever acted on or indulged in those ""opportunities,"" for my own reasons, but they're there. So it's not a far leap to say that other traits associated with being ""beta"" could cause a similar incremental increase in attraction over time. ""Acting alpha"" only gets you results and reactions based on your physicality or zero-acquaintance sexual attractiveness. Only one lever to exert authority. It only really works in the short-term or in more casual ""relationships,"" due to the limited amount of interaction you have with your partner. Over the long-term, where you are almost constantly interacting with your partner, it will rapidly lead to negative results *for you*. Embracing yourself as a complete person and *being yourself* and *then* working on your strengths in the direction of your personal qualities, is what will lead to you being able to secure the best relationships with others. To sum it up: TRP discourages men from developing themselves as people and instead encourages them to develop themselves solely based around one metric that, at best is limited even for the men who have a strong foundation in this domain, and at worst is completely ineffective and counter-productive for men without any real foundation in this domain. &#x200B;",,0,SeveralLiterature980,2023-12-18 05:14:12 PurplePillDebate,18kjous,Q4W: Hinting vs. Telling,"I’ve seen a lot of sentiments online about straight women complaining their male partners need micromanaged, usually it’s implied as ‘mothering’ or some such. **Context:** I’m very neurospicy (ASD, ADHD++) and when my wife and I were still early in our relationship (I wasn’t diagnosed at the time), I basically always kind of pissed her off—mostly because she would hint at a need (cleaning this or that, making dinner, basic domestic help) and I would just.. miss it. For context, I’d say I probably am heavily leaned towards needing ‘mothered’ because it’s not uncommon for me to just forget to eat for two days, I hyperfixate on work or hobbies and just lose time. Fast forward a few years, my diagnosis happens and we’re suddenly able to make sense of my behavior (which often felt not under my control) and she starts asking me for things more directly and boom, cohesion. **Actual Question:** I’m curious what are your experiences with this dynamic, when does communication *become* mothering? Do you tend to drop hints rather than ask directly, if so why do you think you gravitate to that approach? Has this dynamic caused you to split with your partner?",,6,innovativesolsoh,2023-12-17 15:27:28 PurplePillDebate,18lha3o,If the man doesn't like the woman more the relationship will never work out. Youtubers and red pill men need to stop telling women to pursue men. Men hate to be pursued and feel uncomfortable with a woman thirsting after him,"The only way you will truly know if a man is interested if he approaches you and pursues you in a masculine way. If you approach him and pursue him he's going to be all like "" Well i didn't even approach you and you wanted me first."" It's gonna set the tone to the entire relationship. All my friends that have approached men have gotten shot down because that's not the way its supposed to be. The more you like the man the less he likes you. I don't care how many youtubers wanna make the woman approach first.. that's not the way of the world And I don't speak unless i'm spoken to anyways. If he doesn't approach me i assume he doesn't like me. I give hints like smiling and being friendly but i'm not going out of my way to get a phone number from a grown man You approach him first better believe he's gonna tell all his homies about how thirsty you are after him",,0,Educational_Lab_525,2023-12-18 19:31:58 PurplePillDebate,18k0t9i,How do you explain your dating struggles to your parents?,"I’d really like to know how those of you who haven’t had much success if any in dating (men/women) explain to your parents/family why you don’t have a relationship or haven’t gotten married. I find it particularly difficult because parents just aren’t from our generation and can’t sympathize with the dynamics of society and how it’s affected dating. It’s sad because my parents are old now and my dad wants grandchildren so badly, and I tell him I’m working on it, but I can’t guarantee anything. I imagine many of you all face the same conversations regularly, what do you say to your parents?",,76,Disruptiionz,2023-12-16 21:14:08 PurplePillDebate,18k8ibb,Do most people settle or just have lowly standards?,"Gauging by how easily the average person seems to find a partner (whether the relationship works out is another story), it leads me to conclude that most people either compromise massively most likely from fear of being alone, or don’t ask for much in a partner. Some get lucky of course but naturally that doesn’t apply to most. Even if you’re really outgoing and going out a lot the chances that you’ll meet someone with strong mutual sexual attraction, emotional and moral compatibility and who’s life journey dovetails with yours (who is single and looking to mingle) still seems very slim. So do you think most people do compromise enormously or drop their standards or what?",,20,StaticNocturne,2023-12-17 03:52:22 PurplePillDebate,18k6xpb,Do you think that being rich helps men in terms of dating and finding relationships etc? If so do you think this is to do with the status that comes along with it or the lifestyle and wealth?,I’ve seen this debated here many times about whether or not being wealthy helps attract a partners and such but what do you believe is the most attractive part that comes with that the money and lifestyle or the status? Or maybe something completely differently and I understand that this can’t be generalized into one category and is broader than that,,22,gioirginiano,2023-12-17 02:21:11 PurplePillDebate,18k2mx9,How do you approach dating knowing full well you’re going into it with your judgement impaired.,"when we have a crush or an attraction, the neurochemical bamboozlement going on in our brains is a biological impetus to perpetuate our species. It shuts down neural pathways to the parts of our brains responsible for judgement. literally. love makes you stupid. yes. it does. not you. everyone. nature has a job to do. why do you guys even trust your brains at all. does anyone here ever factor this into how they approach dating? if so, how?",,21,Icky138,2023-12-16 22:42:28 PurplePillDebate,18jvt7j,Women want to split housework and childrearing but don't want to compromise anywhere else,"I see a lot of women complain that guys just see women as a baby making machine or a bang maid on PPD and Feminism. While I agree that both tasks are strenuous and take a toll on the body, they can also bail anytime they want. If they suddenly change their mind about pregnancy, they can drive to an abortion clinic in or out of state and there's pretty much nothing their husband can do about it. If your wife isn't feeling it that day. Pressuring her to have sex will lead to resentment at best and a dead bedroom at worst. There's also paternity fraud and cheating which has no legal recourse besides divorce. They also don't talk about who's spending more on household expenses and who's making less income: https://financebuzz.com/male-vs-female-spending-statistics#:\~:text=According%20to%20Capital%20One%20Shopping,compared%20to%2033.7%25%20of%20men. If I was getting a child that was biologically mine, a happy relationship that doesn't end in divorce, and sex on demand. I'd split chores 70 / 30, I'm not even kidding. ",,53,NefariousnessMost660,2023-12-16 17:17:14 PurplePillDebate,18l0956,"Men need to stop using Suicide Rates in the ""Oppression Olympics""","Women come online and says ""yada yada patriarchy blah blah, women oppressed, blah blah misogyny""... Scroll to the replies/comments and you will likely see a man respond 🤓: ""Actually we don't live in a patriarchy because men commit suicide more often."" They might throw out a meme that says: Male priveledge be like - 80% of suicide, amongst other things. Another might tweet: Being a man is hard. Men commit more suicide; more men are in prisons; more homeless men; more men are killed every day; men don’t live as long as women. 😵‍💫 I find these arguments to be incredibly weak and should stop being used. Reasons: &#x200B; 1. I don't think is reasonable to use a self-inflicted issue as counters to someone describing issues they face, that are relatively out of their control. 2. If we're being honest, many of the reasons for the suicides are frivolous and speak more towards people's lack of emotional regulation, than any societal imposition * That lady you like rejected you? Move on... * Your girl broke up with you? Breakups happen... * You lost your job? Get another... * Not to mention the amount of suicides that happen by men who've committed heinous crimes or do stupid things (gambling and other reckless behavior) and don't want to face the consequences of their actions. 3. There's always someone going through something worse. And most don't self delete. 4. Women attempt suicide at higher rates... 5. In damn every country where suicide rates are tracked, men commit suicide at higher rates. Many people who use the suicide argument will also, in separate debates, point to the Middle East as countries that obviously oppress women, but ignore that men still commit suicide there at a higher rate. 5. In the U.S., white men commit suicide at a higher rate than black men and have done so even during Jim Crow Segregation (CDC stats) - as early as 1950s. I have no reason to believe that the stats are much different around the time of the women's suffrage movement. In other words, a group's position in society from an oppression standpoint doesn't necessarily lend to higher suicide rates. Thanks for reading. I'm curious for opposing thoughts here. TLDR: Men should stop using men's Suicide Rates as a counter against often feminist talking points as it is does not stand up to scrutiny. EDIT: damn, I was hoping people would give me valid counters to the points I made. Addressing points I've made off their own merit; give valid rebuttals. Instead I got weak ass arguments, insults, strawmen, appeals to emotions, why men are better than women arguments. Regurgitating entry-level RP talking points like parrots. Pathetic... *Shout out to the few of you who tried to go address my points. ",,0,More-Tax-62,2023-12-18 04:32:57 PurplePillDebate,18jrpoq,What can autistic guys do to not make women feel like predators?,"I am trying to help my brother who is autistic, get dates more since he wants a relationship and intimacy.  I am autistic as well, and have a gf, so he does look to me for help on the matter. I tried discussing it with some people I know, but it was mentioned that most women would probably not go out with him because they would feel like a predator. But if that's the case, how can an autistic guy not make themselves out to be seem like prey to women, if that makes sense? It's been talked about here how autistic women have much more success with NT men compared to vice versa. If that's the case, the guys do not feel like predators, so maybe they are in a different headspace, compared to more women more so?",,43,harmonica2,2023-12-16 13:55:29 PurplePillDebate,18l0q09,CMV: women who get offended by toilet humour are not wife material,"I have a pretty disgusting sense of humour and I'm always making crass jokes, my gf is totally okay with it and even joins in sometimes. She keeps this water bottle at night next to her bed so if she gets thirsty she doesn't need to go all the way to the kitchen to get water, but like she puts these dissolvable vitamin tablets in the water and they make it turn into a clear yellow. I always call it her piss bottle, and always joke when she goes to the toilet that she's going to fill up her piss bottle and when she asks me to hand her her bottle, I say here's your ""piss bottle"". She's started calling it her piss bottle as well, its become like a mutual thing, like an in-joke between us. I also sometimes text her when I do a massive crap and she's like ""good job my darling"" or something to that effect. It's a thing we have, I can't imagine being married to someone I had to censor myself around. I wouldn't be able to treat her like a friend. I wouldn't be able to be myself around her. I'd have to suppress my own personality and sense of self and sense of humour and it would dampen our relationship. She wouldn't be my real soul mate. there's a co-worker I know, she's a nice lady but she's single, about the same age as me. Even though she's my friend, whenever i be myself and make some disgusting joke about sex or pissing or shitting, she gets all offended and she reminds me that she's not a guy. She's nice but she's going to be single forever, because no man will want to commit to a woman who censors him and who he will have to constantly watch his mouth around. Imagine sitting at home in your underwear and not being able to fart for knowing your wife might get upset. Whereas me I just rip massive farts while my gf is in the bed with me because we have that sort of trusting loving relationship where we don't have to walk on egg shells around each other and she's not a triggered feminist who hates poo and piss jokes",,0,dbz__f,2023-12-18 05:00:01 PurplePillDebate,18jetpg,Sexual deviancy for men is sexual liberation for women,"Imagine there's a man who decides to go out and masturbate on a public beach. He finishes and then goes on about his business. A little bit later the police come to arrest him because a family with children spotted him doing the deed. What are your thoughts? Is this man a sexual predator? Should he be put on a list? If he is shamed across the internet do you think he would be deserving of that? If that man went on to kill himself would anyone care or even question if the police handled it correctly? Most people would say yes. They would label this guy a sexual predator, meme him into oblivion and thing nothing of it. But what if a woman did the same thing. Do you think people would have the same reaction? Would they call her a predator or would they find it funny but otherwise not think it's a big deal? [Well apparently it's the latter](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12811033/Christina-Revels-Glick-arrested-masturbating-beach-suicide.html). It's a bit insane that the same things that would have a man labeled a predator are the same things that women say is 'sexual empowerment'. If a man flashes his junk at a crowd everyone goes insane. If a woman flashes her junk there's applause. It's become more prevalent with the rise of the prosex-work ideology, that there are A LOT more female predators than we think. There are women who will intentionally advertise and send unsolicited nudes to minors. There are a lot of female content creators with unhealth connections with their male audience. There are women in positions of power taking advantage of boys. Female predators are largely ignored in society and it's a problem because it allows them to exist in plain sight",,118,FutureBannedAccount2,2023-12-16 00:35:20 PurplePillDebate,18jvh08,FEMINISM WEEKLY DISCUSSION THREAD,"&#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/3aHh4trC7B) Include your reddit username, pill color, age and gender when you arrive in the welcome mat to introduce yourself and help people get to know you. &#x200B; You can also find Mrs\_Drgree on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/?hl=en) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree) for notifications on when good threads are posted.",,5,AutoModerator,2023-12-16 17:01:35 PurplePillDebate,18koqj8,Men Have Abandoned Women," You see it all the time, all over social media, all over pop culture and in your personal lives, it’s sad to say but the care we once had for women is no longer there, the feminist movement made it very easy for us to further disregard women in at least a spiritual level, the thing that drove men in the past was knowing that we would fight tooth and nail for them, but this drive is gone, it’s very easy to blame women for this change of heart, but I think it’s mostly the fault of us men alone. Ideologies like the red pill teaches us about, distancing ourselves away from women in an emotional level, but it can also be spiritual too, certain attitudes like actively cheating if you are high value enough, is away for us to not bond with women in a spiritual sense, bringing up things like “body count” is a way for us to other women we see as beneath our sensibilities, because valuing sexual purity over acts of forgiveness and solitude. You see we are told women are like an life altering obstacle course, once we finish, there’s a about at least 10 more obstacles to cross, but is it actually true. I think women are and always made in the image of god, they serve a purpose, and it will always be between them and god, when they decide to terminate an unborn child it isn’t our place to decide for them, it’s between them and god, yet we persist in wanting to know everything there is to know about women, and when we get the answer, we still hesitate to accept it, our understanding of women is minuscule at best because we don’t understand them spiritually, like we used to, so we play all of these tired games to see what sticks, calling ourselves freedom fighters and feminists to win their approval, cheating and or taking advantage of them, ridiculing their past sexual behaviour instead of following god’s teachings of forgiveness, shaming ourselves and thinking that we aren’t good enough and following false idols who think they know more than we do, even though we have god on our side. Look if you aren’t religious then this still applies, we abandoned women in a more meaningful level, the meaning is gone, Why? Because we blamed them instead of asking what we could’ve done differently, it’s not about material items, good looks, stoicism, status or money, it’s about the soul. (Reposted).",,0,Ceazer4L,2023-12-17 19:15:16 PurplePillDebate,18klfxh,The Hottest Women Are MILFS,"Having children makes women MORE attractive, not less. It releases hormones which improve fat deposit locations, enlarging the breasts, thighs, and hips. These hormones also enlarge nipples and labia which many men find to be very attractive. It also gives women a special glow. It makes sense because nature is signaling to men that this woman has PROVEN fertility. She’s a fertility goddess. MILF is the top porn category for a reason",,0,Sabrepill,2023-12-17 16:49:00 PurplePillDebate,18k1r5x,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, etc... in this thread. Here you can post everything you don't think warrants it's own thread. Or just do some socialising. Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. &#x200B; If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,2,AutoModerator,2023-12-16 22:00:11 PurplePillDebate,18j8sfq,How does anyone connect if no one will chase?,"I've noticed that a lot of dating seems to revolve around the idea of neither side looking ""too needy"" which leads to both genders competing to see who can show the least interest in the other. How exactly is that supposed to work? If neither side is allowed to express their feelings, neither side is allowed to chase the other. Then how do people actually.connect? Something has to give and one side or the other has to give ground. But the advice out there is pretty adamant that neither side should express any real interest in the other. I believe this attitude leads to a lot of confusion and missed connections that could otherwise happen because both sides are so determined to feign disinterest that one party or the other gives up.",,58,Siliconmage76,2023-12-15 19:59:03 PurplePillDebate,18jiemh,Q4M: a woman being a bad ass... Turn on? Or turn off?,"In this video a woman has come to the realization that the guys that she likes tend to have wives and girlfriends who are nothing like her. https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT8uUdFkM/ This brings me to my question. Do guys like it when a woman has an edge to her? Like say she plays drums in a band Owning a business Or she has a big ol' pit bull named Kujo Or she rides a fast motorcycle You get the idea.",,12,Windmill_flowers,2023-12-16 03:46:54 PurplePillDebate,18jqmon,What would you do if you got a girl pregnant by accident?,"If you got a girl pregnant by accident, and you're not that serious yet (as in you're not married/engaged/cohabitating for several years), what course of action do you think you would take? Would you try to convince her to get an abortion? If not, or if she refuses, would you try to stay with her, be a family, and raise the child together, if you liked her enough? Or would you rather maintain your independence and coparent and/or pay child support? Personally, I think I would probably [bail ASAP](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/002/054/274/08a.gif). Relocate as far away as I can, and alter my identity as much as possible, because there is no way in hell I'd willingly pay child support for 18+ years for a child that I never wanted if she wants to keep it. I think the very act of making yourself scarce would usually be enough to incentivize the baby momma to terminate the pregnancy or put the baby up for adoption.",,1,AI_CODE_MONKEY,2023-12-16 12:54:15 PurplePillDebate,18izd69,Societies response to anger is gender specific and bizarre,"I came across this post on r/AITAH and I just could not believe the response - a woman had a screaming session at her 4 yo and the VAST MAJORITY of comments were questioning what could have possibly caused this mother to yell at her child. Why is it that when men display anger in a relationship, society will tell their partner to run far and fast - basically assuming that they will be the next target of that anger; but when women get angry, it seems everyone goes out of their way to figure out a justification? [AITAH post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/18imgap/aita_for_recording_my_wife_yelling_at_the_kids/) &#x200B;",,72,Im_Unsure_For_Sure,2023-12-15 12:50:26 PurplePillDebate,18j7oc5,Reassuring your partner about fidelity,"How do you guys reassure your partner that you wouldn’t cheat. My gf brings it up occasionally asking hypothetical questions like “what if a better girl than me hit on you” my only response is that I’d probably become self conscious and try to escape because I’m shy. Lately because of her mother’s fatal medical conditions her father has been touting to his friends he’ll find a young woman the moment she passes. I think it contributes to her feelings. For me dating is so exhausting that if this relationship ends I probably won’t converse with any women I like for like 5 years because life is too busy currently, I jump jobs every 6 months, I’m a year away from my masters in CS, and I have partial ownership of 2 software adjacent businesses that are finally starting to finally see my time investment from awhile ago pay off which is incredibly motivating. I know she won’t miss a single Tom holland film and my face looks like a mirrored image of his. While she will sometimes get the impression I don’t find her attractive unless I say romantic stuff daily like “your cosmetics skillfully compliments your face”, “your fine feathers make a fine bird”. To me that feels superfluous yet she likes it and I just steal them from Hollywood anyways.",,16,oddkidmatt,2023-12-15 19:08:29 PurplePillDebate,18jxg5p,"Women generally don't consider a mans potential, and this is causing unhealthy imbalances in the dating market","My last thread had some issues breaking things down so I'll try again. Credit to CustomerSeparate949, OtPayOkerSmay, Dark_Knight2000, Purple_Cruncher_123. Lets try this again without the numbers. [quoting Purple] Simplified version: men inhabits both extremes of desirability. Thus, the following hierarchy of attractiveness: High value man: world bends to his feet. Life on tutorial mode. High value woman: world caters to her feet. Life on easy mode. Low value woman: world bears her feet. Life on standard to hard mode. Low value man: world callouses his feet. Life on hard to nightmare mode. TO CLARIFY I AM SAYING ACTIVE POTENTIAL NOT RESTING So, lets address why ignoring a man's potential is bad overall, and should be a very important quality that factors into how women should try to view men. Imagine you and your friends are playing a game where you have to choose a partner. Some players might choose their partners based on how good they are at the game, while others might choose based on how nice they are or how much they make you laugh. In the dating market, some women might choose a man based on his current qualities, like his attractiveness or success. But if they don't consider his potential, they might miss out on someone who could grow and become even better in the future. This can create an imbalance because some men with a lot of potential might not be chosen by women who only focus on their current qualities. It's like if you only picked your partner based on how good they are at the game right now, you might miss out on someone who could become good later on. It's important to consider both someone's current qualities and their potential when choosing a partner so that everyone has a fair chance to find a good match. Key word here fair chance? Everyone wanting the best current partner causes a massive imbalance. Imagine you have a favorite toy that everyone wants to play with. But instead of sharing it with everyone, you only let your friends who already have lots of toys play with it. This means that other kids who don't have many toys don't get a chance to play with it, even if they really want to. In the dating market, supply and demand means that there are some men who are considered more valuable or desirable than others. Sometimes, women might only want to date men who are already successful, popular, or have lots of money. They might not be interested in men who have the potential to be successful in the future, but are not there yet. When women only pick men who are already high value, it can create a problem in the dating market. It means that men who are not already successful or high value might not get a chance to be in a relationship, even if they have the potential to become successful in the future. This can make it harder for these men to find someone to date and be happy with. Just like if you only let your friends who already have lots of toys play with your favorite toy, it can make it unfair for the other kids who don't have as many toys. In the dating market, it can make it harder for men with potential to find someone to date and create an imbalance in the supply and demand of relationships. So, when you have this imbalance, what happens to those men who finally do get to this point after wanting a relationship for so long and being passed up on? How do these men deal with these feelings? Well, imagine you have a toy that you didn't really like playing with before because it wasn't very interesting to you. But then, one day, you see your friend playing with the same toy and suddenly it looks really fun and cool. You might start feeling a little bit upset or resentful because you had the toy first, but no one paid attention to it until your friend started playing with it. In the dating world, sometimes there are men who might not be considered attractive by women at first. But as they grow older, they might become more confident, successful, or physically attractive. When that happens, some women who didn't pay attention to them before might suddenly become interested in dating them. In this situation, the man might feel a bit resentful because he remembers that these women didn't give him a chance when he wasn't as attractive. He might think they only want to date him now because of his new qualities, and not because of who he really is. It can feel like they are only interested in him because others are interested too, and not because they genuinely liked him from the beginning. Just like when you felt upset about your friend suddenly liking the toy after you had it, the man might feel upset that these women didn't appreciate him earlier when he wasn't as attractive. TLDR Imagine there are many women and men who want to find someone special to be with. But sometimes, there aren't enough good men to go around, and it can be hard for everyone to find someone they really like. To fix this, one idea is for women to tell other women that it's important to think about a man's potential. That means looking at the things he is doing right now, instead of just hoping he will be successful in the future. By doing this, women can make a few good things happen. First, it will make things easier for the really popular and successful men, because they won't have so many women chasing after them. It's like if there are too many people wanting something, it becomes harder to get it. So, by focusing on other men who are still growing and improving, it helps balance things out. Second, it gives a chance for men who are not yet super successful to find women who believe in them and see their potential. These men might not be amazing right now, but they have the ability to become amazing in the future. So, women who are patient and understanding can find great partners who will become even better over time. This makes more women happy because they have more choices of men who are already great or have the potential to be great. And it makes more men happy because they don't feel like it's too hard to find someone special. So, by spreading the message about a man's potential, women can help create a fairer and happier dating world where everyone has a better chance of finding love. BONUS for the starter wife complaint! To avoid being a starter wife, women can do a few things. First, they can make sure to choose a partner who truly values and respects them. This means finding someone who treats them well, listens to them, and supports their dreams and goals. Second, women can look for someone who is committed and ready for a long-term relationship. It's important to find a partner who is willing to put in the effort to make the relationship work and grow together. Third, women can focus on building their own lives and being independent. This means having their own interests, goals, and friends. It's important to have a strong sense of self and not rely solely on a partner for happiness. They must also respect themselves and strive to improve and grow themselves as well not just encourage their partner to solo. Lastly, communication is key. Women should openly talk with their partners about their expectations, desires, and concerns. It's important to have honest conversations and make sure both partners are on the same page. By doing these things, women can increase their chances of having a healthy and happy long-term relationship, and avoid being a starter wife.  TO CLARIFY I AM SAYING ACTIVE POTENTIAL NOT RESTING Active potential for self-improvement is like when you're really motivated and taking action to make yourself better. It's when you're full of energy and actively working towards your goals. For example, let's say you want to learn how to ride a bike. Active potential would be when you're practicing every day, trying new techniques, and putting in a lot of effort to improve.",,0,AFuzzyMuffin,2023-12-16 18:33:30 PurplePillDebate,18j976k,Is the hope of a relationship more important than the relationship itself?,"From the perspective of average and below average guys (genetically average) it seems as if most guys settle early on for the idea that they need to get a career, be a nice person and somewhere down the line their sexual needs will be met. The idea seems to be that once you find 'the one' a rock will come off your shoulders and you can finally settle in the bliss of mutually satisfying sexual activity and validation. Is this image borne out by the facts though? Are couples really happy? If getting a relationship is not the answer, is the hope of one the one thing that's more precious than the relationship in itself? My best friend was in a relationship with a much older woman and paid for a lot of her expenses. Within a couple years she stopped having sex with him and ultimately left him. He has not had anything after her and he's a high IQ guy who goes to gym and can hold down a job. He's been miserable since the break-up. So I may have softly challenged the point about sexually dismissive relationships being bad since my friend was happier in the relationship but I have also hinted at relationships for average guys not being sexually enlivening the way hook-ups are for chads. Indeed average guys are often unintentionally insulted with the 'you'll find someone' thing which implies he's never going to get any action until he finds the 'one'. Are relationships a consolation prize for average guys? Like doing your best to get a bronze medal? In a relationship it seems like the guy does not suddenly get chad treatment after the proverbial dragon has been slain but he's just barely keeping his head above the water. Now with that said once he gets over the hump of being completely alone it seems as if his male optimism and hormonal infatuation with not being completely alone makes up for a lot. ",,10,MacaronFinancial,2023-12-15 20:17:06 PurplePillDebate,18j47cx,What do men want from women in a relationship?,I know it’s different for everyone for how would you answer this question for the general population. I’ve asked people this before but I usually get told something very vague,,19,Jessica_Rabbit69,2023-12-15 16:38:24 PurplePillDebate,18jj3l3,What's the point of a long term serious relationship for a man?,"Besides an ego boost and constant sex, What's the point of a woman in a man's life? Can any married man give me examples of how a woman consistently benefits your life? ",,1,Lower-Director1043,2023-12-16 04:26:16 PurplePillDebate,18ja4x0,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, etc... in this thread. Here you can post everything you don't think warrants it's own thread. Or just do some socialising. Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. &#x200B; If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,5,AutoModerator,2023-12-15 21:00:12 PurplePillDebate,18ju0m8,"From a cold, practical perspective isn't women's emancipation bad for society if it leads to low birth rates","Whenever birth rates are brought up, people often cite women's emancipation and women's education as one of the core reasons why people are having fewer kids. Lets ignore the morality of the situation for a moment. Lets also ignore modem technology. Lets assume there is a medieval society with medieval technology. From a practical perspective aren't reduced birth rates horrible? How can a society survive if there are more old than young people? Who will even work or fight or take care of the elderly? Therefore doesn't it make sense that only patriarchal societies survived?",,0,Novel-Tip-7570,2023-12-16 15:52:23 PurplePillDebate,18jqjtx,"Alpha and Chad are just security blankets and when combined with ""the Wall"" fantastical wish fulfillment of some kind of cosmic justice doled to women; there is no such thing","tl;dr * The alpha male and Chad security blankets and means vicarious fantasy wish fullfilment of the two main pills are keeping a lot of men from being effective in their romantic lives. * These security blankets are just efforts to avoid mentally accepting nature on its own terms. You look at the animal kingdom and it's just this black consciousness that is practically diabolistic. A never-ending meat grinder. And you're part of it too. And that there's no escape. Schopenhauer shit. * Since I do divorce cases and that area of the practice is popping off because of my ability to get disclosure on an unprecedented (their reviews and comments not mine) level by *understanding* women (I only rep the ex wives)...I can definitely confirm that there is no escape or valhalla paradise of looks/alpha behavior/frame control where you ""rise above"" the sexual power imbalance. * If anything the nice guys fare way better than the Alpha/Chad types because the wives are less hostile toward them. * The guys getting fucked over, from my vantage, are disproportionately more the Alpha/Chad types. Maybe they get divorced more, I don't know. * The Wall seems to exert a pitiful if any real effect in real life, at least in these circumstances. * Just accepting the power imbalance as immutable law will make you more effective but that's for a later post. * Suffice it to say, that spending efforts to min-max out alpha traits or Chad traits is *not* the way to protect yourself. \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ *The only hope you have is to accept the fact that you're already dead. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you'll be able to function as a soldier is supposed to function: without mercy, without compassion, without remorse. All war depends upon it.* It's only when you can view the world for what it is that you get something better than hope: effectiveness. You are not just your personal self-worth. You're the stereotypes and tropes people weave about you and project onto you based mostly on your phenotype, but over longer periods of time conduct too. Your ego blocks you from self-knowledge. You have to kill it. For me it has always been easy to do that. I've always noticed how women are, for better and worse. It's so obvious. The dynamic is easy to see. Men fight to be *survived*, women *will be survived but fight for their survived to be the fittest*. **No level of male escapes the power imbalance not one**. My practice was doing well just with other specialties, but I knew over the years I had developed unique insight into women. So I started taking on divorces. Several years back the *very first* client I had in this area (who gave the rave reviews and essentially opened the floodgates on what's now by far the big moneymaker of the practice--- could very well make me very wealthy in a year or three), I *had the soul read almost immediately*. Pretty standard narrative: co-dependent leaving a narcissist. Victim of narcissist abuse. Dude for sure was an insane prick and did a bunch of insane shit. Which worked out great for her (I don't think I've ever topped her results as in, expectation versus reality, since). Long story short, most people would call said dude a ""Chad,"" super tall, very good looking, at various points had a successful near 7 figures some years business. To do my job required full disclosure. Candid disclosure. Women come pre-packaged with varying levels of self-hatred (for whatever whoever they believe they are deep down), defense mechanisms for coping with this person, and a persona that by design leads you to believe they are not this person on multiple levels. And you can't coax it out by appealing to authority or circumstance, i.e. 'in order to do this effectively you have to be honest with me.' You only get there with skillz. All the bad things that people think are reserved for ""betas"" or ""losers"" or whatever the equivalent term for low quality man is...happened to this guy. In extreme ways. * Cheated on in *humiliating* ways only to have the revelation come out at key moments that combined to make them on par with Social Kombat fatality moves * Cuckolded (and the circumstances of the dozens of incidents were...wow) * Emasculated brutally and effectively * Neon Gaslighting like, holy shit * While he had affairs (with less desirable women), he still overall caught drama for it and was prohibited from other women * The finessing was so effective that, after she decided he did not like him getting upset and 'abusive' over the initial humiliating cheating, and so ensured her dalliances faced no such prohibition; open and notorious though they were. Loads of other interesting stuff. This guy I swear to Christ if you looked at him never would have thought he would have endured *well over a decade and a half of marriage* with this person. I've seen many many of these same types of guys (minus the narc aspect, leaving just the high powered Chad) in the same situations. The difference is that because I am able to pick apart extremely sensitive information from the ex-wives that others can't, don't, or are unable to, *I am able to completely control the narrative and anticipate anything the opposing side may say*. It might come off as a twist, but in a sense I am the part of the problem men complain about :D Stuck in a dilemma though because low key it just may make me *actually* rich. And I'm really really good at it. Just straight up sending a divine Hoover from sky to earth and leaving 'em dry. With sensitive information, social stereotypes and tropes that so easily slide together and interlock to protect women from any accountability, prideful Chad/Alpha men who do Alpha/Chad men stupid shit in response to *my wife getting out of line* you get a **fortune**. Interestingly enough, the nice guys/beta/normal looking dudes, whatever, *usually* come out far better than the other type of men. Moreover, I'd say far more of the men have been the first type than the second. I've had several women come in on the verge of leaving a schlubby nice guy but go back. **I literally have never had a woman who was married to a high-powered Chad/Alpha type change her mind**. And these women *all were the ones to make the choice to leave* (could be a slightly biased sample due to my reputation, though). And at least at one point during the process (usually before I hit them with what I call the *big guns motions* that guarantee $$$) they break down and *beg in some way* for her back. Usually the marriages have lasted long enough that these women are mostly what you'd call *post Wall*. So, just trust me that the reality of nature and the natural dynamic between men and women cannot be transcended by anyone. Most every story you read about Alpha or Chad regarding effortless this, women approach that in hagiographic terms **is incomplete**. I've even heard a few of them from the women (before the deep dive) regarding their husbands, only to later discover that that was just the tip of a very big iceberg. . ",,0,SeveralLiterature980,2023-12-16 12:49:22 PurplePillDebate,18javwv,"The ""as long as you enjoy it that's all that matters"" attitude towards how people spend their free time is a contributor to the rise in loneliness in society.","I don't think this is exclusively a dating issue but I do think how it relates to social structures makes it relevant for this sub. I get that people say this to be encouraging and there is value in that but the fact of the matter is that there are other things to consider than ""do you like it"" when talking about how we spend our free time. The unspoken underlying logic of this sort of attitude is that nothing really has particularly attributes that make them important and this sort of quasi-nihilistic approach is a problem. People form community around things because those things have value and rejecting that idea for the sake of saying a nice platitude is short sighted and not good for society. It's fine to do these things in moderation but there is a prevailing attitude that there is no meaningful difference between say watching some tv show episode you have seen3 times already and learning to play an instrument and joining a group to jam with or a sports team or whatever. The fact is there are lots of enjoyable activities that offer little to nothing to build meaning out of, and when we pretend there is no difference between those that do and those that don't we destroy the opportunities on which people from community and in doing so create a society that orients itself towards mass loneliness.",,3,AwayEmotion1234,2023-12-15 21:33:05 PurplePillDebate,18izszb,Are there more lonely men or lonely women?,"When people talk about loneliness and struggles with dating, especially in these spaces, it's mostly talking about from the perspective of lonely men. People seem to assume that men struggle more with dating than women. It seems that many people in this space assume that loneliness is only or mostly a male issue. I've often heard the ""men are dying of thirst in a desert, women are dying of thirst in an ocean"" metaphor. I'm interested to hear people's thoughts on this topic, especially from people who disagree with the idea that men struggle with loneliness more than women. ",,18,SmoothForest,2023-12-15 13:13:46 PurplePillDebate,18isx02,Q4W: For those who have experienced this - why do males approach less nowadays?,"Online dating has been around for 20+ years. Tinder is more than a decade old. But it seems like in the last... 6 years or so there's been a dramatic decrease in males approaching women. So it can't JUST be online dating... https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT8u8G1se/ In this tiktok video, a woman is on a treadmill with text overlayed about how she gets dressed up to an expensive gym for a meet-cute... to no avail. Ostensibly cause males don't approach. I'm wondering what other ladies think has caused males to approach in person less often? (COVID lockdowns and social distancing aside)",,43,Windmill_flowers,2023-12-15 05:36:25 PurplePillDebate,18ise6x,Does anybody else feel ostracized from their supposed genders “nature”,"This is genuinely a question I’ve wanted to ask for a while since I’m been on this subreddit because I have never found anyone ( man or woman ) who is similar to me in this sense yet. What I mean by my title is, does anyone else feel like they don’t fit at all into the supposed “nature” of their gender? I’m a woman for context and when I first started getting into internet culture especially around men and women debates I found I never quite fit the mold men described all women as being like. I found it confusing that an entire gender was supposed to have a “nature” to them. Like everyone just acted a certain way because of their chromosomes. I don’t want to make a “i’m not like other girls post” that’s not my point. I do have more stereotypically “masculine” interests, mentalities and goals I guess. This isn’t really a nature vs nurture thing because I wasn’t raised in a way that forced me to be more masculine I’m just like that I guess? I always wanted to do the yard-work, electrical work, and be strong with my dad. These “pill” debates rely so heavily on the true nature of the genders, but what if none of those apply to you? Am I just supposed to accept that I’m some weird hybrid minority or do I just never see other people like this talking openly?? I feel ostracized from the female community because I’m not like them and from the male community because they immediately assume I’m a stereotypical woman. It’s very frustrating. It makes me feel like I can’t find a partner because I’m not like a woman should be. I need to know if others have this experience",,20,chickensaucenugget,2023-12-15 05:04:41 PurplePillDebate,18j6uep,Does my dating story mean other guys can have hope?,"I don't mean to tell this story to discourage anyone but to encourage and have hope. My dating life got much better in my 30s and I have a gf now. We are both autistic and some autistic guys talk about how even autistic women don't even want to date autistic men. But since I managed to find one that did and since also how before that in my 30s dating got better for me anyway, does this mean that the red pill is correct for when making me to the 30s and a lot other guys can look forward to it as well? Perhaps this will be a positive looking forward with confidence for other guys compared to being anxious that it won't work better for them later on?",,0,harmonica2,2023-12-15 18:33:02 PurplePillDebate,18id593,"Why do guys take it personally when women see them as a safe option, when guys end up marrying those options as well?","It seems to me that there are a lot of comments here from guys who say that they resent how women see them as a safe option because they failed to lock down the super hot and rich guys. But don't guys do this too?  I have some guy friends who used to go after much hotter women, who were probably a lot more sexually adventurous, but then after failing to lock them down, they end up with a partner who is much more good girl-ish and more plain and vanilla. So if this is common for guys as well, then how come they resent it from women, if we are all doing it, so to speak?",,63,harmonica2,2023-12-14 17:01:03 PurplePillDebate,18idif1,Q4W: Do women truly believe men want to remain friends with them?,"A while back I went on a date and everything was fine and we planned a second date until she ghosted. Weird but not unexpected. 6-7 months later I decided to try out IG and she adds me from my number. I ask why she’s adding me after ghosting and she explains she saw my message, thought she replied and was waiting for me to reply. She noticed the next day she didn’t respond, and thought I’d be mad so instead decided to not respond at all. She ends by saying “i actually started seeing someone else but I would still like to be friends with you!” I replied that I was not interested in that, and she says “oh wow. Can I ask why? I thought we got along well” to which I didn’t respond. I’ve always replied no to this question because In high school I learned it’s just a social platitude which benefits the woman. But now that I say no it’s always met with genuine surprise. This friendship makes no sense to me because the personality You like is based on romantic interest not platonic friendship. Do women truly think men want to remain friends after rejection? Or do you just expect them to say yes just for appeasement then let the relationship die?",,48,FutureBannedAccount2,2023-12-14 17:17:04 PurplePillDebate,18j0xwv,Women are the ones slowly destroying the dating market without knowing," Keep these value numbers in mind. Level 1 men 0 women 250 Level 2 men 5 women 500 Level 3 men 25 women1000 Level 4 men 125 women 2000 Level 5 men 625 women 4000 Level 6 men 3125 women 8000 Level 7 men 15,625 women 16000 Level 8 men 78125 women 32000 Level 9 men 390,625 women 64000 Level 10 men 1,953,125 women 128000 A woman rejects a male for a reason. Usually this reason of rejection can be under the guise of “connection, spark, didn't feel anything” but what it truly comes down to is value. It comes down usually to a man’s overall value. He is currently for some reason not the type of man other women would want and the type a woman could feel proud having on her arm to show off. So men have two options stay single OR IMPROVE. Here is the thing though, women start with more value naturally than men and they gain more in earlier levels, while men gain exponentially due to having more levers they can move to increase overall attractiveness to the opposite sex. So a man improves a little but most won’t see too many changes. He will be around level 3. Even at level 3 a woman has 40 more value. Obvious she would be repulsed by this man. It makes total sense. A man improves even more he is now around level 6 he is around 3000 while the woman who is his “match” is 8000! He still is almost 3 times worse than her. At this point the woman is “settling”. It is at this point when majority of women make the mistake. They see this man as still too low value for whatever reason, and because of that he is dismissed. I have a theory that very smart women who have healthy parents who taught these things, pitfalls, and are very self aware know this find these men and live happy ever after because the recognize what happens as of level 7. Level 7 This is where men lose their sense of self. This is a very important level. For the first time ever at level 7 a man is in extreme proximinity to a woman. She no longer feels she is settling and in fact feels he is a “good guy.” But I figured something very interesting out. They are both even BUT this is where the chad effect starts. The man isn’t even hot shit compared to a level 8 man, and heck he is still half than a level 8 woman BUTTTT. Relativity MATTERS. Because this man at level 7 is 5-3000 times better than the men beneath him women treat THIS man as special. And he is because this is the first man out of 6 prior levels to actually MATCH them. And it won’t just be one woman it will be a huge influx. This level of attention difference between 6/7 can cause a man to become a player because now he has this night and day reaction. And if he gets to level 8… Level 8 and above is a nightmare, you have a full blown man doing what he wants, when he wants, with a roster anytime its just over from this point. No point in talking about it if he has succumed to the new attention and treatment he has given into the darkness. So the issue here, is in this game, women essentially can’t let men hit level 8. However, women don’t recognize that letting a “single man” hit 7 is essentially giving him a free path to 8. That is why women are self sabotaging the game, because by ignoring the DANGER of 7/8 they let 6 pass by for free when he is essenetially free. A 6 locked down who grows into 7 can be a tamed 8. But a 7 who is single will be a wild 8. I think the message of equality of men and women, and women’s current dating strategy of wanting 7s and higher is what is causing this issue, where men get far too high after years of being “invisible” and is causing the dating market to implode slowly. Women have more value from birth however, once a man his 7 for his age/race/location I think the game is just over. Men have far too many levers to improve at overall and gain exponentially through levels, women have multiplicative value from looks, personality, and small interests.",,1,AFuzzyMuffin,2023-12-15 14:09:51 PurplePillDebate,18iqi9p,Would you date a women who has lost a significant amount of weight?,"Let’s say 110lbs/50kgs For some men this may be a turn off considering massive weight loss can result in loose skin and stretch marks. While other may not care or see it as a strength in character. What’s your thoughts on this?",,7,Icequeen343,2023-12-15 03:19:49 PurplePillDebate,18i5s9t,When did small penis become synonymous with insecure?,"I lost my virginity when I turned 20. It was mostly lacklustre, but one aspect that stood out as memorable was the fact that she kept saying I was well endowed, even when we weren't having sex. The thing that was interesting though, was how she seemed surprised; as if having a large penis didn't match my personality. For perspective, I was incredibly socially awkward, shy, never even kissed a girl before her. It was like she expected that a guy with a big dick must inherently also be confident and assured of himself in all metrics of life. As I get older, I notice this same attitude prevalent among the majority of women. If a guy has no self confidence and is incredibly anxious around women - or conversely, if a guy is TOO arrogant in a way where he seems to overestimate his capacity as a man, he is deemed as having 'Small Dick Energy'. On the flip side, if a guy has a chill, laid back demeanour, and a natural air of confidence in himself, he has ""Big Dick Energy"". To me, this is almost a laughable concept. Why can't guys with massive dicks be insecure loud 'desperate to prove something' guys? Why can't guys with small dicks be completely well adjusted and secure in their masculinity? Do women really think our penis size correlates with our confidence in every facet of life, or is it just some type of fun guessing game?",,125,Salt-Echo-7867,2023-12-14 10:31:57 PurplePillDebate,18ilzq5,"Women Ages 25-30 that are still in the dating scene, has anything changed with how you approach dating?","Can you start by saying your age, and if you have kids as that might affect your dating life some. There has been the same conversation over, and over, and over again of people judging women on their dating preferences. Background on myself I myself am a man, I'm not particularly successful with ((the ladies at all, I'm 24 turning 25 next spring. I have a house(inherited no mortgage), a car, and a good job witj benefits. I've never been good with women, but I've done alright, and it seems I'm about to be in a relationship soon with a girl who wants all the same things as me)) That's enough about me, I just want to hear from you. Has reaching past your early 20's changed the way you've approached dating? Was the change solely a maturity thing, or did other factors like children affect it (no judgement) To my fellow men: I feel like the same thing happens with some guys, but some guys don't always admit that they go for women based off of what they feel they can get. Cuz regardless of gender if you can score an 8 overall, instead of a 5, then why wouldn't you go for it? Why are we judging others for trying to get the best? I consider myself a 7, and I just go for what I can get, and try to do my best. However if I see a 10, and she's not interested, I'm not gonna be salty she chooses another 10 to be with. (Not talking about the ladies that lead guys on, that's a separate issue, I'm talking about the ones that are straight up and reject you, why are y'all mad?",,9,LastBlackSamurai99,2023-12-14 23:32:31 PurplePillDebate,18ioasy,What do women think of men who have cosmetic surgery done?,"Do women typically think positively, neutrally or negatively toward men who have cosmetic plastic surgery done, with the main intent of improving their looks? I recently had a hair transplant to fill in my widows peaks and built a full hairline as well as a reduction rhinoplasty for a more proportionate nose. One of my female friends said that she thinks plastic surgery is “modifying your true self” and wouldn’t date a guy if she knew he had procedures done. Thoughts from other women?",,5,Disruptiionz,2023-12-15 01:24:49 PurplePillDebate,18iaswa,Child support at conception gaining support [Unborn Child Support Act],"Multiple states are tossing around the idea, mostly red states I think. The main argument against it is “how do we know he’s the father?”. There’s two options: Option 1: A prenatal paternity test. It can be done at 7 weeks (https://americanpregnancy.org/paternity-tests/non-invasive-prenatal-paternity-test/) Option 2: The ability to sue for damages after birth if they paternity test is negative. It would ultimately benefit the child, so they can get good quality prenatal care.",,41,Jessica_Rabbit69,2023-12-14 15:13:53 PurplePillDebate,18idi7o,"Q4M: What do abusive, manipulative women's standards look like? Like manipulative men, do they seek out vulnerable and desperate men, like the ""lonely male"" crisis types of men?","By manipulative and abusive, I mean someone who is possessive and controlling of their partners. Someone who gets angry at their partner doing anything outside of the relationship (e.g. having friends) or having the mildest disagreements (e.g. having a different opinion on what music is good). Someone who always puts their partner down to feel superior. Someone who even becomes physically and sexually abusive. You probably find this familiar when you hear people talking about abusive partners. When manipulative partners are talked about, typically in the context of manipulative men, they are said to be predators in the sense that they purposely seek out women who are vulnerable and easy to manipulate. The type of women to cling on to anyone that shows them any affection. Additionally, if she has a weak social circle she's far less likely to get out of the relationship. After all, the ""partner"" that they want is specifically someone they can manipulate. In other words, manipulative and abusive men's ""standards"" look something like this: * She is emotionally vulnerable * She is desperate * She is easy to control * She has no social circle (lonely) I know that virtually none of you think that abusive, manipulative women don't exist. So do such types of women have more or less the same standards for men? I ask this because part of the ""lonely male"" crisis is that many men, as a result of (or as a symptom of) being lonely, they specifically have at least a few of those four qualities I mentioned above: Lonely men tend to be desperate and have pretty damn low standards for women. They're missing out on platonic friendships as well with both genders. Because they cling on to any female attention they get, we can say they're easy to control too and emotionally vulnerable. But at the same time, I don't hear lonely men reporting that abusive women are preying on them for someone to control: rather, they tend to report getting *zero* female attention, regardless of whether we're talking attention from good natured women or from abusive, ill-intended women (or anything inbetween). So given the above, do you believe that manipulative and abusive women, when seeking out partners, would go for lonely men? Just like manipulative men look at lonely women and think ""she'd be great because I now have someone whose life I can take over"", do manipulative women look at lonely dudes and think ""nice, I have someone to abuse""? If not, how are manipulative women's standards different from manipulative men?",,22,brilliant22,2023-12-14 17:16:48 PurplePillDebate,18icwoe,Is “That’s just the way it is” a more valid answer than we’d like it to be?,"I think one of the greatest leaps I made in terms of my relationship with women happened when I absolved myself of the need to perfectly understand them. In fact, I think you can go very far in life once you stop demanding logically consistent, reasonably sound behavior from others *all the time.* Humans aren’t perfect, and we definitely aren’t consistent in our behaviors. Why? Hell if I know—and that’s okay. How could anyone expect logical behavior from an animal with emotions built into their wiring? When there are countless permutations of nature *and* nurture that influence an individual’s thought processes and worldview? I like reading about dating and relationships as much as the next guy, but if I actually tried to derive some kind of consistent, ironclad conclusion about dating behaviors—perhaps the most emotionally dominated aspect of the human psyche—I’d go mad. Considering the fact that we can spend weeks going back and forth about the same topic (staring in gyms, cold approaching in public, makeup for self vs. others, etc.), I think some of you have gone mad trying to find answers. I know this is a debate sub and some people here expect answers all the time. But in my experience the best answer sometimes is a big ol’ shrug. You’ll get better sleep at night and, ironically, understand more once you realize there’s a lot about people that isn’t for you to understand. Maybe even the quality of debate will improve once you stop trying to find conclusions and settle for acceptance of no conclusion.",,21,TotalTravesty,2023-12-14 16:50:29 PurplePillDebate,18ihh0z,Is it generally obvious when a guy is attracted to you?,"Obviously there are some guys that can hide it well, but I think these men are the minority. Would you say, based on your experiences, that it's pretty obvious when a guy likes you beyond just a friend? Would you also say, based on experience, that men on average are far worse at picking up on signals of your attraction?",,10,OtPayOkerSmay,2023-12-14 20:11:59 PurplePillDebate,18i7ljh,Robot and AI girlfriends,"I constantly see so many posts on this sub about AI and robot girlfriend being the future of dating. When i read the comments many people in the sub believe that this will somehow level up the playing field in dating or it will be a threat to women. The thing is with the way society works. I do not believe it will have a positive influence to those who are excited for this technology. Here is what i think will happen: 1. Having a real woman be in a relationship with you and having kids ( as there's already a global reproductive decline ) will become even more of a status symbol than it currently is. 2. The gap between the successful men and those deemed unsuccessful by society due to lack of power, status and resources will widen. successful men are the ones who will be able to date real women and as a result this will further so many aspects of their lives. This has always been the case. When men get married, they get a lot of benefit which also extends to their professional lives. 3. Those with AI or robot girlfriends who are open about it will be treated as outcasts. Even now men who pay for sex are always secretive about their practices. A man would rather brag about a successful date or hook up rather than a visit to sex worker he’s had to pay for. 4. There's so many studies now that shows regular use of porn how it negatively affects men (both psychologically , physically , socially , financially and more ) An Ai girlfriend or robot girlfriend will probably have the same level of damages and more. 5. unless they create a sentient being the decline in social skills will only further alienate and isolate those who use the AI/Robot. The lack of normal human interaction and it's complexities as oppose to a robot will completely distort peoples social skills. Just having 3 years of on and off lockdown during the pandemic had some serious effect to people's social skills so an AI/robot girlfriend will probably be worse. 6. lastly the anger, envy , jealousy and the feeling of not measuring up will also be worse then it currently is ",,35,GeneralFig6053,2023-12-14 12:29:53 PurplePillDebate,18i6cwk,"Do you feel that growing up in strict, religious environments makes men lack confidence?","When I think about it, every male preacher’s kid I know has struggled with dating. Every guy that grew up strict similar to me seemed to lack confidence as well. Do you think there’s a correlation or causation?",,30,FullLifeguard,2023-12-14 11:11:00 PurplePillDebate,18ih7c3,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, etc... in this thread. Here you can post everything you don't think warrants it's own thread. Or just do some socialising. Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. &#x200B; If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,4,AutoModerator,2023-12-14 20:00:10 PurplePillDebate,18i6gye,"What exactly do you mean when you accuse men of ""stringing women along for sex"" ? Can you give examples of this behavior?","I have seen women frequently accuse promiscuous men of ""stringing women along"", or ""manipulating women for sex"", or something along those lines. Often times it seems to be the default assumption when it comes to promiscuous men that habitually have casual sex. There is very little elaboration on what exactly he is done that is deceptive, or manipulative. In the absence of such elaboration, it sounds very much like a sense of entitlement to commitment. **So can you give examples of this behavior? Hypothetical examples are fine, but examples from personal experience or what you've heard from others are ideal. Be as descriptive as possible.**",,18,AI_CODE_MONKEY,2023-12-14 11:19:03 PurplePillDebate,18hxey7,Mandatory Paternity Test protect children's mental health [repost under new flair],"After reading this article, I'm not sure how anyone can say paternity fraud does not impact the children who are also victims. This further supports mandatory tests at birth. ""I was devastated to learn that I didn't have this biological connection to my dad, like I had assumed I had my whole life,"" Laratta says. Just one quote from the article of children debated by the fraud perpetuated by their mother's having their entire world turned upside down. I'm sure many of the detractors in this sub would proclaim that these fathers who were left to believe these were their biological children had zero right to question paternity because *if they had no reason to question, they are accusing their wives of being whores*. But their wives were unfaithful and hid this fact for years. These children are left to deal with the aftermath of questioning everything they knew because their mothers wanted temporary pleasure from other men. https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/health-wellness/2023/12/13/ancestry-dna-horror-stories/71833478007/ When people say mandatory tests are for the good if the children, it is preventing the long term mental anguish that can result from this discovery.",,53,jay10033,2023-12-14 01:50:02 PurplePillDebate,18hx89t,Older men have lots of baggage too.,"Lots of people talk about older women having baggage, but i see very little talk of older men having baggage. Older men have their share too of baggage too. Divorces and , drama, kids and that's just the tip of the iceberg. I'd go as far as to say that most younger women don't want to be saddled with such baggage, especially during their early 20s, the prime of their life. Why deal with a 40+ divorcee with a bunch of kids (and likely drama) in the prime of your life?",,47,Professional-Cow8913,2023-12-14 01:40:47 PurplePillDebate,18hovwk,"Woman who complain about ot being able to find a ""good man"" just have very high standards","My neighbor was whining for years about how she would never get married and have kids. Suddenly at 38, she gave a chance to a coworker who had been flirting with her for years. Boom, now she's married with 3 kids. She's not particularly fit or good-looking, just ann average, chubby woman. I know fat, single mothers who find nice, average men with no problem. Women who complain about not finding a good man just have high stadards. They don't just want an average guy. They want someone who makes as much as they do or more, someone who is tall, someone who is ""a leader"" etc. ",,139,Novel-Tip-7570,2023-12-13 19:27:00 PurplePillDebate,18hysr7,what do women gain from being in a relationship with men if they’re seen as valueless after 25?,"this question is more for redpill men but many men, especially men in the redpill community constantly talk about how women 25+ are “used up” and how they only want women 18-24, so what is in it for women to date a man if he’s just going to see her as losing value when she inevitably ages? it just seems counterproductive to me to say this kind of thing because if anything it’ll turn women off dating men. a lot of people say it’s because of their “biological imperative” but that seems like bullshit to me because especially these days, people more often than not have kids in their late 20s - early 30s, which debunks the myth of women not being able to have healthy pregnancies when they’re past 25.",,15,girlnextdoor_cassie,2023-12-14 03:01:04 PurplePillDebate,18hhuha,Guy asks girl who switches up the deal to leave. Subreddit goes wild.,"Just came across this recent post on a popular sub (pasted below). The comments are a mix of calling the guy an asshole or ""not the asshole BUT..."" Thought it would make for an interesting discussion. POST: *AITA for telling a woman to leave if she didn't want to have sex? I've been hanging with this girl (28F) for a few weeks now. We met at a club after a friend of mine introduced her to me. After our first night together, we talked about what our arrangement was going to be. I got out of a 5-year relationship not too long ago and she recently got divorced; neither of us is looking for anything serious. We decided to meet only for sex and keep it strictly to that - no strings attached. We've met up around twice a week for sex and that's it. I came back home from a business event at around 9pm a few days ago and I texted her to come over. She came over and we talked for a little bit and I went in to kiss her and she moved away. I made a few advances and she rejected all of them and I asked her what's wrong. She said that I only hit her up when I want sex. I said yeah, that was exactly what we agreed on. We literally had a conversation saying that we will only see each other for sex and we both agreed that was the best thing. She said how she wanted to be more to me than just a hole to put my dick in and wanted to have a conversation. We talked for a bit about life and it was just awkward at that point. It was getting late so after talking for about half an hour, I asked her if sex was on the table at all and she said no. I asked her to leave if she didn't want to do anything and she kept calling me an asshole for it until she eventually left. I don't see how I can be the asshole here. She knew what it was. If she wanted something more or got attached, she could've just called me and said something without coming over to my apartment at night.*",,139,nippydart,2023-12-13 14:21:15 PurplePillDebate,18hlnek,What is a the bitter truth for men about dating over 30,"So I'm in my mid 20's and nowhere near where I want to be in life, physically, socially and professionally. I'm also not the most genetically gifted guy, below average in looks, short, thinning hair lol. I pretty much know where I stand in the dating market which is not even in it at all. Realistically, it would take me until I'm 30 if not more to get to a point where I can be at least a bit desirable. I've been doing the ""self improving"" thing for 2 years, and I see progress in each department, more or less, but the rate is simply too slow and I don't think I'll actually enjoy what will be left of my 20s if I'll have to grind for the entirety of it. So, optimistically, if i keep up, what's waiting for me down the line? Is the hardwork I'm putting in right now even worth it? Will I find women in my age bracket attractive the same way I do now? What will my dating pool consist of? Will the difference in life stages dating wise between me and my potential dating prospects cause a lot of problems? What will be a bitter truth that I'll have to accept? If women don't find me attractive now, why would they later on when I'm older, since I'll be objectively less attractive. Am I going to internalize potential bitterness for being left out all this time? Can you even start fulfilling and healthy relationships where both parties genuinely desire each other past 30 or am I going to be a beta bucks at best? Should i just stay a celibate if by 30 I'm not seeing any improvements? Redpillers think men hit their prime in their 30s, I honestly don't necessarily agree with it. It might be the case for men who were already attractive in their 20s, but for ""late bloomers"" who used to be undesirable, it seems like the return of investment will be mediocre at best. That's a lot of questions I asked, so if you're not motivated to dive into each one, just pick one or the other or simply give me your general point of view about the topic, that'll do it too. Thanks. Edit: title contains an error and i can't correct it, sorry",,65,Pacman124,2023-12-13 17:10:30 PurplePillDebate,18hlcg1,Advice for unsuccessful men in romance vs advice for financially unsuccessful people and incel rhetoric vs socialist rhetoric,"Why does the advice given to men usually resemble advice given to financially unsuccessful people so often? Men are basically told to pull themselves up by their bootstraps more or less when it comes to dating, which seems logically consistent if it's advice being given by someone who's financially conservative? But this advice is frequently given to those men by people who are socialists, and essentially believe the economic world is completely rigged against them, which is basically what incels seem to believe about the dating world. Financially conservative people will tell young people struggling with money to not spend so much on avocado toast and Funko pops, and the vast majority of reasonable young people will be infuriated by this advice, or think it's hilarious. But then people will give equally useless advice to young men struggling with dating, like shower more, or simply be more confident.",,53,bossman505,2023-12-13 16:58:06 PurplePillDebate,18hssba,More women (unfortunately) have to accept financial responsibilities if dating/relationships will ever fix itself. [Repost],"When I say accept responsibilities I mainly mean a mindset change. Women can earn damn good wages today and generally prefer their partner to make much more money than them. I am not arguing with the reasons, but rather stating a fact. However, as women become more successful collectively, finding men that make much more than them and wants a LTR gets difficult. I can acknowledge that people with similar or average wages get together all the time, but that's not what she wants. I genuinely think many see it as settling, even if the men make the same amount or heavens forbid less. One of the top reasons for divorce being financial reasons just means the man didn't make enough, or in other words he doesn't make enough to compensate for lack of x. I personally think men should be the one to make more too, but we can't ask for a progressive society in every area except the relationship-financial dynamic. I also understand a lot of women have gotten with the times and do 50/50. But I personally think resentment is built up overtime or they don't expect to be doing it for the long term, as they expect their man to eventually earn enough to support them both. A common shaming tactic after a break up with a guy who isn't well off is that ""He was broke anyways"", when he was probably making the same amount as her. Being indifferent (within reason) towards people in dating would fix a lot of problems. This can apply to other factors like height or social status of course too. This was inspired by a a convo with a female friend who's making 150k+ in our early/mid twenties and requiring that a guy our age makes just as much or more + is 6'2.",,19,HimNeutron,2023-12-13 22:15:25 PurplePillDebate,18hlng9,"“Self Worth” is a silly concept. Your worth is determined by others, not you.","Often times people will say platitudes such as “you need to improve your self worth”, “be confident” etc. Your worth isn’t determined by you, it’s determined by how much people value you. Try and walk into a company and say “I’m worth 500k”, and see how they react. Try and sell a shitty bike for two thousand dollars and see how much your idea of it’s worth goes. I’m happy to hear any ideas opposing this view, as I’d like it to not be the case.",,35,HTML_Novice,2023-12-13 17:10:33 PurplePillDebate,18i04mr,General question: how do you feel about your SO ‘acting things out’ with an artist/singer on stage?,"The reason why I ask this is because I saw a video of a woman grinding on some latin singer on stage, and the comment section had quite a bit of a heated discussion. I figured it would be an interesting topic to bring up, especially since everyone has their own limits on what they’re okay with their partner doing. Of course, it is worth noting that while this happens far more commonly with male singers and female fans, there are instances of a female singer giving a male fan a lap dance, for example - so this question is really for everyone. Speaking for myself, i’m okay with some performance but there is a limit - ex. flirtatious and more innuendo based stuff is okay (ex. an artist holding a girl’s hand, giving eye contact then kissing her hand (Cirice’ing as an example), or Yung Gravy feeding women in the crowd beef jerky, i wanna say? in a suggestive way) is totally okay with me (ngl probably encouraged cause it is a part of the show), but something outwardly sexual like grinding is where i start to have problems. where does everyone else stand?",,3,KayRay1994,2023-12-14 04:13:32 PurplePillDebate,18hbu2h,"""Filtering out fuckboys"" is a really dumb excuse for expecting men to pay for nice dinner dates","If you're really that concerned you can just make them wait for sex. Time is valuable, and if a man is just looking to get his dick it's doubtful he will tough it out, especially if he isn't ugly and has options. Expecting men to pay for nice dinners is nothing short of parasitism. And it's not an insignificant expense either, since a full meal with drinks at a nice restaurant for one is easily $60+ in most of the US. And I highly doubt the women here who say things ""if you don't like it then don't date them"" have the same attitude towards men who expect their wives and girlfriends to do the lion's share of housework and childcare. Because there are absolutely astronomical levels of bitching about how men aren't doing enough at home from women on Reddit. *edit: Also, if it was genuinely about displaying intention and not leeching, then women would* 1. *Offer to split if she's not interested in seeing him again* 2. *Pay for future dates, or at least make a genuine offer to do so, if she is interested* *How many women do you know that consistently do these things?*",,119,AI_CODE_MONKEY,2023-12-13 07:57:34 PurplePillDebate,18heixq,Being Social does NOT Help Lonely Men in Dating (CMV),"Just as the title says. Using myself as an example, I have not problems being social or connecting with people or friends - never have. I’ve always been outgoing and I have an expansive friend-group, so much so that I often decline opportunities because it’s too much. That has never been an advantage dating though. No matter how many people I meet, connect with, befriend, it has never led to success with dating. At all. This is a rebuttal to the constant crap spewed by BPers and most women anytime an LVM expresses ire toward his situation: “just get a hobby!” “Touch grass!” “Make friends!” It does not work, and still requires a bunch of superficial BS in order to even attract a woman to begin with, let alone hold and/or maintain her interest.",,63,JDWhiz96,2023-12-13 11:12:35 PurplePillDebate,18hv7ov,Does Consuming Pop Culture Influence Your Dating Preferences?,"When it comes to dating I think women might be influenced, by certain pop songs, movies, TV or books, they're these stereotypes within these stories about a certain guy that comes by once in a while, and just changes the perspective of the main protagonist, you see it in a tone of rom-coms like 10 Things I Hate About You, Bridget Jones Diary, My Best Friends Wedding or How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days, you know the ""nice guy"" trope or the every man. These films have a certain narrative about relationships, that a lot of women like to watch and might actually follow in real life, these fantasies are also targeted at men as well, like the Manic Pixie Dream Girl trope, a women who is different from the rest and is willing to accept you no matter what you might look like or might have, (could be wrong on that but, correct me if I am) these pieces of media are designed to cater to our deepest insecurities, but is it happening at an equal pace, are men as influenced by pop culture as women are in dating?, look at some of the biggest female pop singers and what they're saying in their lyrics, look at some of the biggest novels or watch some of the biggest rom-coms, most of them target women as a main demographic, now men can also be influenced by pop culture in other ways, I don't think it's trough dating at least as much as women but I could be dead wrong on this, I don't want to generalize so please feel free to call me out, does pop culture influence, your dating preferences in men? ",,6,Ceazer4L,2023-12-14 00:02:23 PurplePillDebate,18ho969,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, etc... in this thread. Here you can post everything you don't think warrants it's own thread. Or just do some socialising. Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. &#x200B; If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,10,AutoModerator,2023-12-13 19:00:13 PurplePillDebate,18howii,Why is a mixture of masculine and feminine energy more attractive than one or the other?,"I have noticed in myself and others the following: I find women who are mostly feminine, with some masculine traits. I want a woman who can make her own way in the world, uses her body and strength correctly like being able to lift things, work with her hands etc. Also a woman that is slightly assertive with a touch of aggression. She shouldn't just run to her man for everything. It's a slight turn off for me at least when a woman wants to be a delicate princess. I need someone that is closer to ""homo sapien animal"" rather than being sheltered by the modern world. A fine balance, because I don't want an overly masculine woman either. Mostly feminine with a touch of masculinity as described above. I still want to be the provider and be relied on mostly Maybe it's because of the modern world, or because of my upbringing. **Likewise,** many women say that they want a man with some feminine traits. A man who cries, who is in touch with his emotions, takes care of kids, is gentle, expresses himself etc If my view is universal, why is it that we find a mixture of these traits attractive? Does a couple where the man is 100% masculine, and the woman is 100% feminine belong to a Disney movie rather than real life? &#x200B;",,6,Consistent-Gur6932,2023-12-13 19:27:46 PurplePillDebate,18h0szo,One of the smartest comments on here recently really resonated with me about the current social environment,"""I think the loneliness of men today is from society being isolated overall (more women are lonely today too as a result). The best way to meet people are situations where you are exposed to the opposite sex in no pressure situations and you see the same people over and over again over time so relationships can organically happen. That doesnt happen alot now."" - u/HighestTierMaslow This resonated with me as I feel this is more of my experience. When I look back at my life, the main problem I had(still have) is an inconsistent social environment to meet single women. I manage several people, many of which are in different parts of the US, India or the Phillipines. Many of the guys I work with are in arranged marriages and know nothing about women. I never really meet new people organically and it puts a lot of pressure on having either instantly gratifying looks or personality. Hence a lot of focus on PUA, game, instagram cred or PEDS/Steroids. Instant gratification based environments (Dating Apps, Night Clubs, Bars etc) force a lot of guys to have skills they were never raised with putting them at a social deficit. For example whenever I meet chubby guys who date decent looking women, they inevitably met at work, school, church or some other non-instant gratification based environment where a woman gets observe a guy over a longer period of time. It's hard for those who have access to these environments (read: normies) to see those who don't, hence we kinda talk past each other. Women can still navigate their sexuality in these environments for the most part, but many guys are struggling. Really smart comment by u/HighestTierMaslow as it highlights why many normal seeming guys are struggling with women. This is complicated the fact that the development of instant gratification based attraction (i.e. PEDS, Steriods, game, PUA) is heavily frowned upon and seen as taboo. Social norms are heavily pushed (honestly, kindness, leadership, ""looks don't matter"") that may have worked in a previous environment (i.e. non-instant gratification based) no longer work as the socioeconomic context for that environment has severely eroded. &#x200B;",,77,GuaranteeThin4918,2023-12-12 23:34:02 PurplePillDebate,18h004y,Better to lie to Women than be honest,It's better to lie to women than be honest. People generally do things that are beneficial for them. Women tell men to be honest because it's beneficial for them yet not beneficial for Men. For example if most Men became honest and let Women know they only want sex upfront. Many men would be lonely that otherwise would have had a partner or a friends with benefits. In rare circumstances an honest person is rewarded. However the pain it takes to get to that one reward is not worth it.,,74,YtBlue,2023-12-12 23:09:23 PurplePillDebate,18i69fl,Lying to Women is okay,"This is for men. I am honest with women but I am actually attractive and being honest helps me filter out low-interest women. But if as a man you can't get what you want by being honest, then lying makes sense. The hard truth is that most people think of themselves and what serves them. OF course, women are angry about men lying because it makes their work harder. But listen, the less you care about other people, the less you care about doing the ""right"" and more about doing the ""thing"" that brings results, the more you will succeed in dating. Don't do illegal stuff, but if being honest brings you 0 and lying to women brings you 10, do it. Whatever the people say, do it and stop giving a f\* &#x200B; &#x200B;",,0,Otherwise_Possible2,2023-12-14 11:04:17 PurplePillDebate,18h77id,"Passportbros, s*x tourists, or s*xpats of Reddit, did dealing with women overseas mess up your view of women in your own country?","If you're a passportbro, s+x tourist, or s+xpat, does dealing with attractive women overseas mess up your standards for women in your own country? If you deal with beautiful pleasant women overseas, will you become less willing to settle for ugly or unpleasant women in your own country?",,12,ilike18yoblackpussy,2023-12-13 03:17:22 PurplePillDebate,18hy5kd,Would you allow your husband to sleep with other women?,"Let's say you meet a guy, and he's everything you want: tall, handsome, wealthy, a provider, kind, masculine, add X quality you like, etc... He is the top of the top in terms of SMV/RMV percentile. The Chadliest Chad. A once in a lifetime opportunity. He is willing to provide for you unconditionally and let you be a SAHM without a care in the world. However, there are stipulations to being with him: 1. He can hookup with other women whenever he wants 2. He will never bring home an STI 3. He will never have children outside of the relationship 4. You have to stay faithful Would you consent to this type of relationship? Why or why not?",,0,Ayaka_Simp_,2023-12-14 02:28:07 PurplePillDebate,18gq5n5,Men raised by single mothers are the worst kinds of men to date,Mother son enmeshment is a real thing. It is common in men with single mothers. The single mom does not have her own husband so she treats her son like a husband. She will treat her son’s girlfriend like an enemy because she is jealous. She will criticize her son’s girlfriend. The son has been manipulated to put his mom’s need before his wife’s needs. He will date who his mom likes not who he loves. These men have problems with relationships and lots of other unhealthy problems. So many times I see couples with relationship problems it stems from the man’s mother. So many mother in laws treat their daughter in laws like trash. They are misogynists at heart. Agree or disagree?,,82,Training_Evidence416,2023-12-12 16:41:35 PurplePillDebate,18h06ws,Are most women demisexual?,"Demisexual definition: experiencing sexual feelings and attraction only after developing a close emotional relationship and not on the basis of first impressions, physical characteristics, etc. Do you think this accurately describes heterosexual women's sexual feelings towards men? Discuss.",,19,SmoothForest,2023-12-12 23:15:09 PurplePillDebate,18gknqo,"To most women, a ""real man"" is a man who caters to them and is easy to control.","*""Its simple to analyse this vicous circle: women invent rules, manipulate men to obey them, and so dominate the male sex. Ofcourse these rules in no way apply to women themselves. The male sense of honour for example, is a system invented by women who loudly exempt themselves from it. They renounce the concept of honour and, as a result, manipulate men"".* - Esther Vilar The truth is men have been manipulated from birth (by their mothers and preschool teachers) to view and treat women a certain way which (in the west atleast) benefits women and they use this to their advantage in their relationships with men. Men even judge their own value based on their usefulness to a woman. Most men's ideas of masculinity were given to them by women, so the man women see as masculine is just a result of their manipulation. Interestingly enough, Esther Vilar received death threats from both men and women when she wrote about all this in 'The Manipulated Man'.",,106,Agreeable-Moment-760,2023-12-12 12:21:04 PurplePillDebate,18h6rrb,Sex on the first date is a good first step to a relationship,"I’ve never had a serious relationship that didn’t start with a hookup or sex on the first date. I can think of only one time where I’ve had a second date after a non-sexual first date. There wasn’t a third. The most common date for me is inviting a girl over to my apartment and cooking a nice meal. I get flirtatious and touchy as we’re cooking and that leads to sex. Another common date for me is going hiking to somewhere secluded. I’ll find a quiet bench where we can makeout. I’m honestly very confused when people say that they want coffee shop dates, a visit to a museum, or a local festival as a date. To me all those options are too noisy and not romantic at all. I feel they’re more appropriate for couples.",,6,oaklandddy,2023-12-13 02:55:21 PurplePillDebate,18gutvx,simple solution,"There's so much talk about male loneliness epidemic in men. How are so many men saying they are lonely and think the first solution is a romantic relationship ? what happened to male friendships ? family relationships ? sibbling relationships ? Pets ? i can honestly say if i wasnt in a relationship right now i would not be lonely as i'm comfortable being alone and i have a great friends group , great family and i also have my 2 cats. &#x200B;",,20,GeneralFig6053,2023-12-12 19:58:44 PurplePillDebate,18gujkz,What made you join the red pill?,"Genuinely curious as was there any specific incident in anyone's life which kinda made them join the red pill. Also from what I realized after staying in this sub for a little long is that red pill has it's classifications too. One category, for example, has already transcended from the rage phase and is now in the acceptance phase where they're starting to improve and work on themselves. Another category is still kinda in the rage phase and having certain kind of ideologies and theories (mostly similar to the Fresh and Fit podcast or Just Pearly Things on YouTube). So from which category do you belong and why did you join in the first place? Edit : Okay since some people are saying this, I don't know much about red pill other than what I learnt from surfing on certain subs and YouTube, so it's a given I don't know how to apply the right terminology in certain cases. I'm thankful to peeps for correcting me on the fact that we don't actually exactly ""join"" The redpill. So keeping that in mind I'll just rephrase my question as to what made you interested in or follow the Red pill and in which phase of the red pill you currently relate with? ",,19,[deleted],2023-12-12 19:46:41 PurplePillDebate,18gt6jg,Dating Apps Are a disaster for Relationship,"Dating Apps Are a Disaster for Relationships but A GoldMine for Hookup ( if you are a woman or a good-looking man). Dating apps force the user to enter a ""consumption mode"" where people become disposable. Dating apps are like Amazon but the products are real people. At the slight inconvenience, you ditch the product (user) and find another one. &#x200B; Why take the time to get to know him? There are 34 others like him. &#x200B; Relationships require getting past the superficial criteria and focusing on the character of the person. Dating apps force women to become more restrictive ( too many options). Therefore eliminating most men based on superficial criteria and then praying that one of these men is compatible with her. &#x200B; Finally, the difference between the sexual value (men of would f¨ck) and the relationship value ( men of who seriously date) of a woman is so vastly different that it's dangerous for a woman to base her value on the men willing to f\*ck her. &#x200B; At the end of the day, being happy is just having your expectations met or exceeded. As a woman, if your expectations rise too high, then your expectations won't be met therefore no happiness. &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B;",,20,Otherwise_Possible2,2023-12-12 18:49:11 PurplePillDebate,18h6501,Is it true that most women think guys won't take them seriously until after they are 25?,"I am asking women this, but I totally welcome guys' answers as well. When guys say that women in their early 20s won't take relationships seriously because they are going through their 'hoe phase' women on here will respond by saying things like why should I go for a guy in my early 20s, when he will just dump me once I turn 25... However, is this true how most women think though, and they feel that they cannot take a relationship seriously if they are below 25 because they feel they will get dumped, and feel that if they are past 25, then the right guys will see them differently and take them seriously? And is this true, and women are totally correct in this when it comes to most guys?",,4,harmonica2,2023-12-13 02:25:15 PurplePillDebate,18glch9,is hyper-individualism ruining our relationships?,"Hyper-individualism refers to the idea that an individual is in complete control of their life and circumstances. It is the prioritization of the individual over the collective. In interpersonal relationships, this often manifests as a ""what can they do for me"" and ""no one owes you anything"" mentality. It is only natural to want a reciprocal relationship. Still, in the past few years, it seems like many people want to take from a relationship without giving anything in return. And everyone wants their needs met as fast as possible. Social media is full of examples of this. Women stating to never date a man who doesn't spend a minimum amount of money on the first date. Men saying to never date a woman unless she has sex with you within a certain time frame. In this framework, no one considers reciprocity and communication. So why is this happening? My guess is that society as a whole is becoming less empathetic as modern life becomes more fast-paced and disconnected. In [this interview](https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/empathy-narcissism) with a psychologist who specializes in empathy and altruism, it was mentioned that empathy levels have been on the decline in the past few decades. There is also some evidence correlating social media usage with decreased empathy and increased narcissism. Whatever the reason is, it's clear to me that a hyper-individualistic view of relationships is harmful because of how superficial it is. If you are focused on getting your immediate needs met instead of focusing on the long-term happiness of yourself and others then you will end up with superficial relationships that will not fulfill you. In my opinion, fulfilling relationships won't always be easy but they are fulfilling because they contain a mutual give-and-take. Today, it seems that people completely prioritize their hyper-individuality by leaving relationships as soon as there is an issue. Not only does this harm the other person in the relationship, but it also harms the individual because they are denying themselves future happiness by prioritizing momentary happiness (Note: I'm not referring to issues of abuse here).",,53,hannahg000,2023-12-12 13:00:59 PurplePillDebate,18hu25i,Why do men say women have high standards?,"I hear this statement everywhere. Judging by myself and my female social circle none of us are waiting for “Prince Charming”. We all have different preferences but one consistent thing is that we want at least mildly successful men. Not super rich but someone who’s created a comfortable life for themselves. Besides being a decent person that’s what we want in a nutshell. I don’t have a height preference (or even a race preference) but I tend to date men taller than me. I’m 5’7. Because what man is trying to date a woman taller than him? People complain about women’s height preference but men also have that. Most men don’t want to date a woman taller than him so really the feeling is mutual.",,0,Jessica_Rabbit69,2023-12-13 23:09:55 PurplePillDebate,18gbauf,"""No one owes you anything"" is another battle women are going to lose","Feminism at this point is mostly a series of battles fought ostensibly on behalf of women that have resulted in a pretty unbroken string of losses. The latest battle more or less centers around what role feminism or women should have in addressing issues facing men in society. The feminist answer is resoundingly: none. Which is fine, path of least resistance. And for men complaining of companionship woes resulting in loneliness the answer is sharp: no one owes you anything. First, regarding entitlement, research shows that women feel more entitled to men than vice versa:[https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4810038/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4810038/) Edit: *This finding compliments the broader research on gender difference in sexual development and behavior \[38\], which indicates young women place more emphasis than young men on the role of a sexual partner to meet their sexual desires and pleasure\*.\** \^ for anyone just joining the thread and wanting to utilize motivated reasoning to dissect it, that's a quote. It says what I just said it does. Feel free to read the screeds of your ideologue friends and their increasingly desperate attempts to mischaracterize, misquote, and outright lie about the study to avoid the basic quote above. For added rhetorical flourish, images of a fantasy rape dystopia are typically invoked as the only possible way to alleviate these complaints men have. That is to say, a callous refusal to hear the problem, followed by implying that the men complaining would essentially be complicit in institutionalized rape. Yeowza! Like most short-sighted strategies, of which feminists have taken many, this is bound to fail and backfire on women at large. Typically, a man expecting sex from a woman under any circumstances is verboten. It's a cardinal sin. I've received a lot of vitriol for merely saying it's a wise bet in 2023 to move on from any woman who makes you wait for sex (because it is) with this same rejoinder: no one owes me sex. But the implication is that I owe everyone my attention and time. Because all I'm saying is that I believe in my case and in the case of pretty much any other man, a woman making you wait for sex is not worth your attention and time. This isn't forcing anyone to do anything. This is me deciding how I will allocate my attention on the opposite sex. So the 'no one owes you anything' response makes no sense unless a hidden assumption of entitlement is embedded in the discourse. And ultimately, men will simply do as I do --- set standards on when to pay women any attention or devote any time to them. When it seems as though their expectations will not be met via the allocation of this time and attention, they will simply no longer participate in opposite sex interactions. It has already started with record 63% of 18-29 men being single and roughly half of those forgoing any real romantic or sexual effort for the opposite sex. These are men who are in their alleged horny 24/7 sexual prime who have decided against their basic biology that it just isn't worth their time to engage. Half of all men in this age range have never approached a woman and when you factor in having more than a year go by between 'approaches' you're standing at 90% of men either having never approached a woman or maybe doing so at extremely long and odd intervals. Misogyny has now risen to a level where it is officially classified as a national security threat. Connections to increasing misogyny have been made between the unprecedented surge in threats made on US Federal judges and women-hating ideologies. The rape rate has reached its previous 1990 peak and likely will soon overtake it. Dating apps seemed to have passed their peak, with stock prices and paying users falling. Female wages are likely to drop soon because more of the jobs women have are subject to automation, as in roughly 50% of them vs. just 20% for men. Females are the biggest drivers of consumer spending, with single women spending more than the average household. 45% of women will be single by 2030. The traits that most highly correlate with lower misogyny i.e. agreeableness, altruism, compassion are traits women punish men for. Women are more attracted to men low in agreeableness, and while women prefer altruistic men for LTRs, they prefer non-altruistic men for STRs (the dominant mode of dating), and last women tend to dole out similar rewards/punishments for kindness/niceness --- although women have created a stigma associated with being a nice guy. And unwanted celibacy correlates with misogynistic attitudes at IIRC .3. Women also mainly reward benevolently sexist behavior. Which is more or less akin to treating women like children. What's clear is that women are virtually only rewarding sexism.BDSM is more or less normalizing abuse (you can disagree or agree with this one, it's not vital to the overall point). Internalization of hegemonic masculinity norms, along with gendered masculine-discrepancy stress pretty accurately predicts propensity for rape, sexual violence, and abuse among men.Last, and to me, the most salient point: Roe v. Wade is over. That represents such a drastic shift in this country and its attitude toward women. IN sum Beyond the illogic of the assertion, the rather than cold tone and casual dismissal of the plight of loneliness men are facing could and likely will go down in history as a ""let them eat cake,"" moment.",,199,SeveralLiterature980,2023-12-12 02:29:07 PurplePillDebate,18gu8tn,Does Chivalry Still Work in the 21st Century?,"My last relationship was like 2017, I’m what you would call a neanderthal when it comes to modern dating, but what I do know is even back then holding doors, bringing flowers and giving coats, just didn’t improve my dating life. Now it got me noticed, but it just didn’t improve or tarnish, my relationships it was met with an “awww that’s nice thank you” so I ask you girls this, do you still believe chivalry works in a dating climate as war torn as this, I may be out of the loop for like 5 years but it just doesn’t seem like, how it was in our parents/grandparents days, chivalry really does seem super dead, but they’re some women who persist in saying it’s still around or that it still works, does it? I mean even in depictions of modern dating like in books, movies, music and TV it’s no where to be seen, but I want to leave this up to you guys, does chivalry still work in the 21st Century?",,7,Ceazer4L,2023-12-12 19:34:03 PurplePillDebate,18gs12a,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, etc... in this thread. Here you can post everything you don't think warrants it's own thread. Or just do some socialising. Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. &#x200B; If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,7,AutoModerator,2023-12-12 18:00:16 PurplePillDebate,18glabp,It is better to be desired than tolerated?,"Would you rather be desired or tolerated? How long should you take to assess if a person truly desires you? 3 dates does sound a reasonable amount of time, to assess if a person truly desires you or is just tolerating you. It is a norm for a reason. For those, ""But Chad dosn't wait 3 dates"".... who cares, the point still stands. If you need a woman to sleep with you so you feel like she desires you instead of just tolerating you, 3 dates should be the max you wait. Question for women: Would you want to carry on seeing a man, who did not make you feel desired, in whatever way, men make women feel desired (I am not a woman). For those guys who don't need sex to feel desired. Then cool, regardless, do you still need to feel desired somehow? So anyway, desire. Unlike the Blackpill which seems to be begging, shaming, shouting at women to change their ways for men. The Redpill has its own views, the promanent being: Genuine Desire cannot be negotiated for (I'm sorry if this RedPill belief is not applicable to everyone as everyone is different). This is also interesting, these lists of requirements that women have on Dating Apps, which Blackpill guys complain about ""Not being enough"" or ""The bare minimum"", is this a woman stating what she desires or what she will tolerate if all else fails? So why do you want to be tolerated, forget the lists, become someone that is desired (The Redpill promotes working on yourself, not just complaining its unfair). So anyway, begging for what you desire is not going to work. Desire cannot be negotiated. So whatever your vetting limit is, say 3 dates. After that, if a person does not create desire, then NEXT them. Why waste your time and resources on a person that does not desire you. Remember, if a person is just using you, they probably won't desire you. Its the same if you are with a person being intimate (kissing, cuddling, etc), as no means no when it progresses to sex. It is best to just stop what your doing, blow out the candle, switch on the lights and respect their wishes. Begging for sex dos not work. Desire cannot be negotiated. Pushing for sex is just begging really.",,15,[deleted],2023-12-12 12:57:46 PurplePillDebate,18gn0ho,explaining the women are wonderful effect: from the perspective of mating strategies,"note: mods recently told me to post this again after it was shot down if you're male, we generally feel a compulsive need to imagine that women are victims, women need our rescuing, women are more caring and that this makes women wonderful. because we generally want to be ""the good guy"" or the noble knight who rescues her and gets a kiss at the end of the day and gets called a gentleman. if we don't have agency in the story, if we grant her agency, then we fear that we stop being relevant at all, we fear that we disappear and go extinct if we become background characters because most of us know what it's like to be invisible to women. to be laughed at is to become irrelevant. to become irrelevant is to be left on the sidelines and die out. **the man's estimation of the woman's agency and competence doesn't have to be accurate, it's done this way to meet a psychological need.** when you hear about a woman leaving her marriage (and scoring a jackpot in divorce court), you need to imagine that her rationalization about her not being ""happy"" or ""fulfilled"" in it must have been something entirely justified in your eyes so you tell yourself that her husband must have been a misogynistic abusive douchebag to create a story where he deserved it. when that girl you've been orbiting breaks up with her boyfriend who looks more sexually dimorphic than you, you need to imagine that he was a ""jerk"" and a ""douchebag"" and you're such a wonderful guy that you could replace him. **it may be true, but you were motivated to come to that conclusion whether or not it was accurate.** (and if she isn't attracted to you, no, you can't replace the ex. and if she gets married to another dude, i got news for him: he's going to age while he competes with the ghost of her ex's dick that won't ever get old. *titanic*, anybody?) why? because **you need to maintain this image of women as wonderful, so if something bad happens to them or they do something you don't approve of, you need to come up with every reason you can to discount it** even if it means *caricaturing them* into drooling lemmings who are always victimized in your mind and more easily brainwashed than a 4 year old. why are some women in sex work? brainwashed! why are some women feminists? *brainwashed by le evil billionaires!* why are some women NOT feminists? *brainwashed by the patriarchy!* and notice how we're never willing to stop and just say *""because they chose to do something i disagree with, as adults who are wholly responsible for their behaviors""*. and on the female side: as an older thread pointed out, let's say you're pro-choice. you want to criticize pro-lifers. so what do you do: do you look at the demographics of pro lifers, and find that a large number of them are women of all sorts of religious and political affiliations? no, you have to blame it on ""incels"" and evil conservative men who want to ""literally enslave"" you. why? because you need to uphold the feeling that women are wonderful, and if anybody says something that contradicts it, it would make you extremely uncomfortable, it would violate your idea of the natural order of things, and you transfer this sort of cognitive dissonance and this unease into rage directed at whoever brought it up. you start to silence them as hate groups, you start to mock them using their sexuality, you start to picket for getting them fired from their jobs. so the next question is: why is it this way? because men are the ones bashing each other's heads in and competing for women. this seems pretty obvious but if you doubt it: there's a reason why no woman ever said to her followers online *""you gotta go to the gym and improve yourself or you'll stay a femcel loser!!""*. this seems self evident for me but some are motivated to ignore this fact and will bring up edge cases or outliers. and due to this competition aspect, we men understand at least subconsciously that blaming a woman, attacking her socially is verboten because she's way out of your league and other guys who see you as a competitor will use this opportunity to make her out as a victim of your hatred so that they can earn her approval and get her in bed. the second-order effects of this can't be understated: even if you personally don't want to compete for this woman you're socially attacking or that you're ascribing negative traits to, the fact that other men want to earn her approval by beating you up/lowering your social status with accusations and pandering to her makes it advantageous for you to fall in line! it's easier then to scapegoat other men, other male targets who are lower hanging fruit and attribute antisocial behavior to them or ascribe negative traits to them than to a woman! and if you're female: you also find this arrangement convenient, because women's strategy as a group is generally to disregard upholding moral standards for individuals in favor of demanding the most concessions you can get as a group! pro lifers and pro choicers both team up to blame men for disagreeing with their respective stances, right wing and left wing women both come together to claim victimhood at the hands of men like it's a trophy, and even when you expect them to disagree, they're all suddenly on team woman and they'll all defend the best and the worst among them alike as if they're possessed by a hivemind. it's why we have millions of male feminists and very few female MRAs. **when there's a man in the room, women of all stripes are suddenly a chorus, even if the chorus is in disharmony and have the collective rhythm of broken glass and screaming cats.** men don't do this: men are willing to throw punches at their own gender. why? it's not because men are a morally upstanding bunch. it's because as i said, the women are wonderful effect is due to a subconscious need to imagine that women are this way and that all bad behavior can be blamed on some easily-scapegoated men. **this is not a necessarily conscious thought process, however.**",,9,coping_man,2023-12-12 14:24:12 PurplePillDebate,18gaag9,Men who sleep around hate women who sleep around more than incels,"So I know the Internet loves to drag incels as sexless losers who hate women and judge them based on body count, but I believe men who sleep around and have high body counts themselves are the ones who hate and judge women more. I will say incel men do RESENT women more, but they want to love women, they just can’t get them. And their hate of a high body count is out of jealousy and inadequacy Where as high body count men, just hate women, use women, and discard women like they’re objects and judge women even more harshly and in a more degrading way for their body counts They are also the men most obsessed with a woman’s body count and the ones who trust women the least because they are projecting their own behavior patterns and transactional nature on to the women they date. So I feel like a lot of hate directed at incels over body count discourse should be redirected at the man whores who hate and use women",,77,d4rkw3b5,2023-12-12 01:38:29 PurplePillDebate,18ga051,Men and women are far more similar than they want to admit.,"Women try to portray themselves as functionally asexual and only interested in emotionally fulfilling sex as a side of a relationship. Men brag about themselves as the opposite - unless they're trying to pretend otherwise for a woman. Both parties usually know whats up. These portrayals are fake, cultural roles and facades both groups are expected to display. The reality is that men and women tend to meet in the middle. Both men and women enjoy fun and most people would also want a serious connection with someone they relate to. What happens is that people tend to 'date around' and have fun until they meet someone who is what they are really looking for. Then they will cut off the nonsense and settle down. A large part of modern frustrations in dating stem from the fact that women have plenty of options for fun, so naturally they choose the best. You can call this the 90/10 rule, the parento principle, ""hypergamy,"" you can call it whatever it want but it's real, it's intuitive, and [we've been doing it for a long time.](https://psmag.com/environment/17-to-1-reproductive-success) It has nothing to do with women being mean or conspiring to make up higher standards than they had historically. Rather, our world of hyper-consumption and ""you can do anything!"" plasters the lifestyles of very successful men everywhere, and also makes those who can't join the fun feel dehumanized and ashamed. Romantically, both men and women - sexually active or not - suffer from feeling alone and not able to find someone who understands them. It's just the cultural facades encourage women to express this (""I can't find anyone who likes who I am. I feel like I'm always just used for sex.""), whereas men are quickly consoled and told that it's better to be a player than to settle down anyway. Women can vent and share their frustrations to each other in socially acceptable framing, whereas men can't. I think alot of men's comments about ""modern women,"" passport bros, etc are really just ways to find a sufficiency masculine way of expressing ""I can't find anyone to have an emotional and intimate connection with."" Which is the same complaint women have. If men and women acknowledged this things, everyone could find their experiences affirmed without pitting the genders against each other.",,43,EternalBrowser,2023-12-12 01:23:40 PurplePillDebate,18ghtax,How detrimental are mismatched libidos in relationships?,"Men and women have naturally mismatched libidos since the average man is much hornier than the average woman. Even when women are ovulating they don't get to the same level of what an average man feels every day.. But i wonder, is it even that important? Discuss.",,5,Sibito,2023-12-12 09:08:30 PurplePillDebate,18g1gbq,"Do You Think It’s A Good Idea, To Split The Gym By Gender?","I’ve seen a tone of viral videos, on TikTok of women trying to catch men creeping, or lingering around, while they’re in the middle of a set, some of these are highly exaggerated like some dude, just literally walking passed minding his own business, and the gym girl films him, trying to ratio him on TikTok. Joey Swoll responds to some of the exaggerated examples, you’ll see online sometimes, but they’re some girls, I know who aren’t to keen on going to the gym because men will try to advance or linger around them. Now I offered a solution, let’s split the gyms by gender, and do it for most gyms, they disagreed saying the problem is men and I said okay if the problem’s men then let’s split the gyms, I for one like the idea of having more male only spaces and I’m sure women would like they’re shared space too, clearly the gym isn’t working out as a shared gendered space, so let’s split it up, what do you think?",,40,Ceazer4L,2023-12-11 19:14:02 PurplePillDebate,18gau0y,“Discussion” vs “Debate”,"There seems to be some confusion about what these flairs mean. A discussion post is a neutrally titled post that simply presents information or asks a question. Examples of discussion posts would be presenting studies or articles that you don’t have an opinion about but is relevant to the topics of this subreddit, or asking a Q4PPD where you want others opinions, views, or life experiences. Based on the temperament of this subreddit, these will likely be lower in quantity than debate posts. Debate posts are non-neutrally titled posts, where you state an opinion and expect it to be debated/challenged. These posts are moderated more heavily for circlejerking, and top level comments must challenge the OP view or go under the automod. Circlejerking will be moderated. Additionally, incorrectly flairing a debate post as discussion is also considered circlejerking, and will be moderated. This can include post removal, post banning, and full banning depending on severity. I’m going to pin over the n-count weekly post so people can read this. Feel free to continue to discuss n-count below.",,8,milquetoastmf,2023-12-12 02:05:45 PurplePillDebate,18fuys1,Would you date a woman who left-swiped you on a dating app?,"Let's say you meet a woman irl and hit it off. You both like each other and want the relationship to progress. Later, she mentions seeing you on Tinder before meeting. But she left swiped because she didn't find you attractive, but after meeting you in person, she feels differently and likes you. What is your reaction? Are you flattered? Upset? Indifferent? Would you continue the relationship?",,39,Ayaka_Simp_,2023-12-11 13:49:57 PurplePillDebate,18fkayi,men only dislike ‘hookup culture’ when they can’t participate in it,"change my mind. i’m a guy, i empathise with most of the male concerns on this sub, but let’s just be honest here. when i was on a hot streak, i wasn’t complaining about hookup culture. i only had an issue with it when i had a girlfriend, or i had situationship drama. nobody who participates in hookup culture ever complains about it",,305,likeitusedtobe,2023-12-11 02:41:54 PurplePillDebate,18fwx0d,One major issue with dating apps: they keep everyone in their comfort zones.,"Dating apps have a lot of issues; the superficial nature of them, the lack of ‘vibes’ you get from a person and an inability to create spaces where people grow on each other - one issue that i don’t often see talked about though? the fact that they keep everyone in their comfort zones. When you’re on a dating app (with the intention to actually get into a relationship, not hookup), you’re looking for someone who you think might be a good fit for you - problem is? we’re often uniformed on what that ‘good fit’ is. It isn’t about meeting someone, figuring out who they are and trying to make your similarities/differences work. It’s about having a preconceived notion of what you think you might want and running entirely based on that - and our own ideas of that are partly based off where we’re at in our lives, and this goes doubly so when we’re in unhealthy or turbulent spaces. On top of this, we develop ideas of whether someone is a fit based off what you conclude via their profiles vs your inherent biases tied to these conclusions. In other words, you’re making huge judgment calls on people based off pictures and blurbs, and assuming whether they fit your image of what you might want based on that notion alone. You even start judging people on, frankly, medial shit like their taste in music, whether their hobbies are the same as your hobbies, whether your political views align perfectly, etc. - Of course, a level of commonality is important, but relying on that as the backbone rather than whether your personalities actually work together or not is where things get iffy",,26,KayRay1994,2023-12-11 15:20:42 PurplePillDebate,18g560w,How would you want your son to be raised?,"How would do you expect your son to approach his dating and social life? Do you expect him to be socially successful and attractive to women or do you expect him to be more average (or below) in terms of his social outcomes? Why?",,4,Ghutom,2023-12-11 21:44:55 PurplePillDebate,18fkn9q,“Nothing is more unattractive to women than low self confidence”,"This gets said one way or another in every discussion ever had and everyone seems to unquestioningly accept it as the law or the jungle - of course confidence is attractive, and who the hell would want to be with some timid milquetoast who can’t say boo to a goose* let alone offer protection and stand strong as a pillar of support through life’s vicissitudes? Or at least give the impression that they can. There’s a firm biological basis for this in any case. (*Note geese can be extremely aggressive and rather terrifying so this expression isn’t intended to be taken literally) Then your critical thinking kicks in. Or should. Wait,what? There’s nothing more unattractive than low outward self esteem? How about being a manipulative malicious piece of shit? How about egotism and obnoxious arrogance? How about emotional unavailability or instability? How about stupidity? How about rudeness and a judgemental attitude? How about bigotry and sexism? How about an entitlement complex? How about having no compassion? How about having no ambition? How about being a deadbeat? How about having a history of mistreating women? How about having a story that doesn’t add up or using slimy pick up tactics? Are these types really going to provide the protection and rock solid foundation to build a relationship upon? (I avoided physical attractiveness because while that’s obviously a factor that’s besides the point and it always seems to derail the conversation) If having low outward self confidence is seriously considered worse than these things well perhaps it’s no wonder society is as fucked as it is. Outer confidence doesn’t necessarily mean anything. At all. Once upon a time when we lived in an age in which we had to immediately put our money where our big mouths were it counted for a great deal indeed, but these days any old deadbeat pothead can drag themselves off the piss soaked couch in their parents basemen and front up with confidence. Just look at our politicians and/or conmen who are all talk and no walk. They know that raw confidence and hollow bravado is all it takes to win the support of many folks. Many seem to use confidence as a touchstone of competence. Fatal mistake. Worst still: many people appear to confuse narcissism with confidence. And ironically narcissism is driven by low self esteem in any case. Not to mention that a hallmark of being a a critical thinker is self doubt and skepticism. When I meet anyone excessively confident it raises an asterisk and I try to read between the lines to figure out what their angle is. If we weren’t so credulous and easily beguiled by outer confidence I contest that we wouldn’t be in this world class mess as a species. People need to turn their brain on (admittedly some don’t seem to have one) in all walks but especially the dating arena. Too many folks wish for some fairytale romance that sweeps them off their feet or in any case wear the blinkers which prevent them from reading the big bolded bloody writing on the walls… then act blindsided and aggrieved when it comes to fruition. This sort of thing should be a cause for humiliation. The number of women I see who attempt to downplay their tendency for poor choices with half baked humour like ‘I should have been a Taurus because I love charging at red flags’ … its not quite as funny when kids are involved. It never was funny, and should just be a point of humiliation. Of course some men are crafty manipulators, and I’ve seen firsthand how persuasive they can be when playing the nice guy character, but that is all the more reason why we should not allow confidence and charisma to charm and blind us to peoples true colours. I don’t mean to blame the victims, and It’s not always possible to detect the trapdoors but if you’re careful and scrupulous - which you should be when navigating a potential relationship or even just a dalliance - then there are often warning signs to be found. We all need to scratch beneath the veneer of confidence: don’t like what you find? Good, you’ve found it sooner rather than later - before you moved in and tied your finances together, before you had kids… or perhaps before you voted them into power. There are a few things that can be done to reveal the face behind the mask: pay attention to how people walk not talk (words are cheap), ask incisive questions to catch them off guard (about their past, values, philosophy etc), notice the way they interact with others and their relationship with friends ( and what types they’re friends with), observe how they respond to being told no every once in a while (for sex or anything else they’re wanting) At risk of sounding callous, my sympathies are in short supply for those who get stabbed in the back after charging headlong at red flags waved by a matador with obvious sinister intention’s especially if it’s not said bulls first rodeo. I know this all seems idealistic, but the more we accept it without challenge the more it perpetuates the concomitant bullshit and reinforces the wrong behaviours. Feel free to disagree with all of this",,56,StaticNocturne,2023-12-11 02:59:47 PurplePillDebate,18gcix5,How are men supposed to deal with being the hornier sex?,"I think it's common knowledge that men are the hornier sex. And there's a bunch of reasons for it. But for the most part all you need to know is that most guys are full of testosterone. So if a guy is so full of sex hormones and being horny how does the average man deal with it? I know we have simple things like prostitution, porn, masturbation... But those things don't seem to help in the long run when it comes to the male libido. It really hurts knowing that as a man you can go out wanting to express yourself sexually but most of the women you meet will want nothing to do with your sexual desires. Only time this is fulfilling is if you are incredibly attractive whether it's physically or just career wise. And you will find more than another woman that would be happy to sleep with you but most men arent in this category. So how was the man supposed to deal?",,0,Vegetable-Rub3418,2023-12-12 03:32:34 PurplePillDebate,18fz725,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, etc... in this thread. Here you can post everything you don't think warrants it's own thread. Or just do some socialising. Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. &#x200B; If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,1,AutoModerator,2023-12-11 17:00:13 PurplePillDebate,18f65dr,"Makeup plays an enormous role in women’s upper hand and allows them to play several leagues up, many of them look unrecognizable without it.","The responses to this subject are always identical: - “Men can wear makeup” 🥴 - “women wear makeup for themselves not for men” - “most women wear so little makeup you can’t even tell” - “If you can’t tell purple mascara isn’t natural I can’t help you” And the most insidious: - “It is the *”p4tr!archy’s”* fault for imposing unrealistic beauty standards on women, pressuring them from infancy to look beautiful. 😭 Firstly, no one is talking about cosmetology students and goth types caked in all sorts of off the wall colors and styles. It is obvious to anyone that it isn’t natural. We are talking about natural concealers, toners, and eyeliner/eyelash extensions that elevate their appearance significantly to the point they are unrecognizable. The vast majority of women not only wear makeup but benefit immensely from using it, which is essentially a disguise, a ch3at code that allows them to play 2-3 levels up and attention from men who wouldn’t look twice at them otherwise. I have been scrolling through women’s profile pics only for be shocked at the difference in their unaltered face and their “mask.” People worship a good number of women calling them 10s unaware that they looking nothing like this, including a good number of celebrities. T4yl0r Sw!ft and Jennifer Lawrence are two prominent examples. https://ibb.co/fv9s6S3",,92,[deleted],2023-12-10 15:36:19 PurplePillDebate,18f3jny,Do women really believe that toxic masculinity is the common factor of sexless lonely men?,"I saw in two x chromosome a post about sexless men and the most upvoted post was "" those men are only sexless because of there toxic masculinity "" Am i missing something but that's insane right? Like I know we al lived different lives and we have identity politics that make us live in our own bubble. But like its so oblivious that's not the case right? The typical sexless man is some guy who got bullied in high school , haven't developed a big social life or skills and are ""ugly"" bellow average. Now ofc if that dude decided to go to uni and study gender studies shower with a mask on and get some black and white tattoo of a crying turtle and have a personality that screams ""im an ally of the feminist"" ofc that dude will have higher success then some dude who have a grey sweatshirt .But i mean there is ton of men with traits of toxic masculinity that has no problems with women..",,109,[deleted],2023-12-10 13:24:02 PurplePillDebate,18fejuf,"Does TRP believe that the best way to solve this dating problem, is too become the problem?","In the redpill it is mentioned on here how dating for most men sucks because usually the top 20 percent of men are getting all the women, and those top 20 percent keep the women on rotation usually and just want to spin plates, as the term is put. However, in the redpill, it is also mentioned how men should try to raise their SMV and try to become men this high and close, and spin plates themselves.  But to me this seems contradictory, or even selling out possibly, because the advice is that the dating game is out of balance, because of this, so the solution is to become the problem and do what those guys are doing, thus increasing the dating game of being thrown out of balance even more possibly.  Unless I am wrong?",,19,harmonica2,2023-12-10 21:57:38 PurplePillDebate,18fae7q,"Q4W: How would you react if you discovered a man you liked wore a toupee, shoe lifts, etc?","Pretty much the title. Let’s take a hypothetical. You have a date with a guy. You hit it off. You “vibe” and like his “personality” and feel an attraction. At 5’10, he is taller than you in heels. He has nice hair and appears to be well endowed from the glances you caught. You have a few more dates and the connection continues, there is flirting and a spark. You end up back at his place and things get physical. However, when running your hands through his hair you feel something off. You can feel a small clip and notice that his nice hair is not actually part of his scalp. It’s a hair piece. He has also since removed his shoes, and he now stands eye-to-eye with you, whereas you had to “look up” at him before. Worse, he excused himself to use the bathroom and when he came back out, that noticeable bulge in his jeans is now as flat as a Ken doll. He had something in there to enhance it. Now, what do you do in this situation? - Feel “the ick” and find an excuse to leave? - Call him out on “deceiving” you? - Just roll with it and continue hooking up?",,20,neinhaltchad,2023-12-10 18:52:35 PurplePillDebate,18f8edi,"Q4M: If you have had abusive girlfriends, how do you feel about desperate men being jealous of you? Would you feel offended, or would you emphasize with their desperation in that having an abusive girlfriend is better than nothing?","TITLE TYPO: empathize*, not emphasize I've lurked around forums, including reddit, of manosphere men who are more on the ""depressed"" side than ""angry"" side of expressing their situation. Lots of demoralization, which isn't surprising given their circumstances. But since we're deviating from rage-posting and instead we're going more into the territory of ""my life is shit"" talk, one common theme around these guys is the specific extent of their desperation and the kind of stuff they are willing to tolerate just to avoid being single. Lots of these guys look at men with abusive girlfriends who physically and emotionally torment them, and think, you know what? I'd rather have that than to continue being single. The main rationale is that ""at least *someone* is attracted to me enough to be in a relationship with me, even if they're a bad person"". On youtube there was a channel that would sometimes rehost tik tok videos of women being horrible girlfriends, and there is the occasional comment saying that they'd happily take a girl like that if the guy doesn't want her. Can't find it anymore. It really isn't surprising after all to see sentiments like this, because, well, that's what desperation does to you. So my question is directed to you if you're a guy who has (had) a girlfriend that you'd call abusive. Suppose some guy finds out about your situation. He says that he is jealous of you: he knows that this girl is abusive and treats you horribly. But because he's desperate, he wishes that he was dating her instead, because he'd gladly take the abuse over being single. My question is this: how would this make you feel? Would you feel offended that he's essentially minimizing the effect of abusive partners, or would you empathize with him because you understand that this is what being desperate is like?",,16,brilliant22,2023-12-10 17:21:28 PurplePillDebate,18feixj,What boundaries do you take for granted when you get in relationships? Have you had to come back set them after an unexpected breach?,"I am kinda fascinated for all the common things everyone does in early relationships without taking time to discuss them. In the timeline of a seduction project you often have stuff like first date, first kiss, first sex, and then you navigate social/public behaviours like: in front of whom do you show displays of affection, who meets your partner, do you share instants of your couple on social media, etc... Then only after this initial mess, someone usually the woman will go ""what are we"", and if all goes well you then have the usual wedding kids dogs picket fence scheme, ""like in movies"". But still there, you never 100% know your spouse and they might surprise you in a number of ways. All of it done effortlessly until you realize your partner has done something you don't like and didn't expect at all... I'd be happy hearing stories on this topic. Which of your boundaries were breached before you even got a chance to formalize them? I am starting: with my ex we started seeing each other in hiding, no one could know... I never could tell her but it kind of irked me how long this period's lasted, even though I found it logical at the start.",,5,eyewave,2023-12-10 21:56:30 PurplePillDebate,18fjjq8,Is the Simpsons Frank grimes vs Homer an excellent representation of red pill vs blue pill ?,"Title , Frank - the red pill. Frank grimes has worked hard is whole life , doesn’t get anything handed to him , gets very confused by how Homer lives his life. And goes crazy trying to justify Homers existence. His viewpoint is justified from having a much harder life than homer , but ultimately crumbles when Homer is granted a much higher level of attractiveness than him, despite on the surface not deserving it. Homer - blue pill . Homer is literally vibing, not putting effort in, doesn’t understand franks perspective at all / having to plan / try at things . When Homer passes things due to luck/attractiveness. It’s just how life has been for him , keen rocking and the world will keep rolling. Cheers.",,1,Grouchy_Cookie_7813,2023-12-11 02:01:27 PurplePillDebate,18f69u7,Friendzone and dating advice: the elefant in the room that I haven't seen adressed,"(First of all let me clarify that by friendzone I'm using the general definition of ""Unrequited love for a friend"", no ""lead him on"" or ""get into her pants"" definitions that imply some kind of nefarious intent) When discussing about the friendzone, and, more broadly, about dating advice, I've noticed that most people seem to be unaware of a large difference that exists within how people experience the relation between friendship and attraction: A) For a lot of people, getting closer to someone increases their attraction and causes them to develeop feelings. (AKA: the ""Disney Romance movies"") B) For a lot people, attraction is totally independent of personality (AKA: ""Women see you as dating material within 0.00005 gazillions of a second"" peak reddit advice) C) For some people, initial attraction is LOST by become friends with someone (AKA: ""[I see you as a brother so ewww](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/do50aw/comment/f5k12tz/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)""). On the internet, I've seen people to assume extremes, either, from the idea only B) exists or that they're gender specific, with the general claim that A) applies to men and C) to women. However based on my real life friends/acquaintance groups, and also a more critical ""read between the lines"" approach to internet posts, I suspect that women (I haven't investigated this for men) are kind of evenly distributed between the three groups, which would explain a lot of things: \-Why there's so many contradictory dating advice, from ""treat women as everyone else"" to ""treating women as everyone else will get you friendzoned"". It's just that every person is different so one works for one type of person and the other works for other type. \-Why contradictory dating advice is given by women about themselves: women who give advice have the unconsciouss bias that all they gender behaves the same as them, when in reality it isn't. \-Why the ""friendzone"" can be so frustrating: beforehand you have no way to know if you're dealing with a person of the ""type"" A), B) or C), so you have no way if determining beforehand if you should for example, invite someone to a date soon after meeting them. Women from the A) type would reject you automatically but not doing that with women from the C) type would mean losing a chance. Same works backwards. \-Why is it so hard to empathize with people in many cases: people who belong to A) and develop romantic feelings later are often assumed to be ""trying to get into her pants"", people who belong to C) are ""bitches who prefer the jerks instead of the good guys"" etc. because everyone assumes that the rest works in the way themselves work, and not in the three totally opposite situations I've described. Unfortunately I hadn't compiled enough data from internet posts to justify my thesis, hope that I can update this post in the future",,13,TannuTuva97,2023-12-10 15:42:31 PurplePillDebate,18g1do6,"Why are men more similar in most countries, and women are not? Is it due to varying levels of patriarchy?","So you can find the same types of men in most countries. They also have very similar values in regards to dating and their view on women. They want low body count women, they want feminine wives, etc. They also grow up about the same: school fights, getting in innocent mischief, some of them grow up into hyper dominant and some of them don't. Overall, the men all around the world are pretty much the same. However, the women all over the world vary alot from country to country. Some countries will have women who worship men, some of them will be super innocent and not even think of sex, some of them will be hoes. Some countries will have aggressive women, some countries will have women who are too shy to even make eye contact This is not a judgement on any behaviour and yes all types of women exist in all countries, but I've noticed women have a wider range of mindsets across the world, whereas men are all pretty much the same all over I think this is because humans all started the same, and patriarchy decreased at different rates across the globe. Men were never victims of patriarchy so men always ended up being the same As a follow up question, what is the end result of feminism. When both genders are truly equal, will there be an even distribution of behaviours? As many docile men as docile women, as many aggressive men and aggressive women, as many men who get into fights as women getting into fights. Or does biology come in between feminism where even after reaching true gender equality, some things will differ?",,0,Consistent-Gur6932,2023-12-11 19:11:09 PurplePillDebate,18f9s56,Why does it matter if Red Pill applies to everyone,"I am going to assume Blue Pilled people are correct in what they say. I am also taking Redpill from a ""Game"" lens. I am not fussed about BlackPill, MRA or MGTOW. Yes TRP has factions, we are not one big happy family. Anyway, does it apply to everyone, dosn't it? What does it matter? If a man ends up in the Manosphere, his life ain't great. If adaopting TRP beliefs improves his life, then it has served his purpose. He went there, because he wanted to create hope in a dog eat dog world. I think its fair to assume dating sucks for both men and women. So its normal, to want to be able to be as successful as you can with the cards you were dealt in life. Or maybe you don't want to be successful, in that case fair enough. Women have FDS and other communities. I am using FDS as an example, as its the only one that everyone seems to know about and I don't exactly hunt them out as dating as a woman is not something I have to do or navigate. Anyway, if it works, it works. If it dosn't then maybe its time to find a more effective place to go. Given the Target Audience for the manosphere, as the name suggests is MAN, then no it won't be written in a warm fuzzy feel good way to women. Women are not the Target Audience. If another methodolgy appeared that claimed to solve dating/relationship issues, like ""Game"" does and yielded great results, then it makes sense men would ditch TRP and ""Game"" in a heartbeat. Yet BluePill for all there disapproval of TRP are not influencing men to step away from TRP or ""Game"". Like show me evidence, not one offs, not ""Oh I got lucky this one time"". Show me a consistent way of attracting women and making them want to stick around, ie field reports and in-field footage, and explain it step by step without being vague, then sure, you might influence some of us, to turn to the Blue side. But until then, Your mouth is writing checks your ass can't cash.",,6,[deleted],2023-12-10 18:24:26 PurplePillDebate,18f6muw,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, etc... in this thread. Here you can post everything you don't think warrants it's own thread. Or just do some socialising. Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. &#x200B; If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,6,AutoModerator,2023-12-10 16:00:14 PurplePillDebate,18eniq2,Research on women's aversion to bisexual men,">[""Heterosexual and gay/lesbian people were less willing to date bisexual people than bisexual people were to date them, consistent with anti-bisexual bias rather than mere in-group preference. **Preferences against dating bisexual men appeared particularly strong, even among bisexual women.**""](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00918369.2022.2030618) >[""**Results indicated that heterosexual women rated bisexual men as less sexually and romantically attractive, less desirable to date and have sex with, and less masculine compared to straight men.** No such differences were found for heterosexual and gay men’s ratings of female and male profiles, respectively. These results support previous research findings that indicate more negative attitudes toward dating bisexual men than bisexual women.""](https://sci-hub.et-fine.com/10.1080/15299716.2018.1563935) >[""These findings extend previous research by demonstrating that negative attitudes toward bisexuals may translate to less willingness to have sex with, date, or be in a relationship with bisexual partners. The differences in willingness between heterosexuals and bisexuals as well as between LGs and bisexuals were stronger for women than men, **suggesting that lesbians and heterosexual women may be more concerned than gay and heterosexual men about bisexual partners**""](https://sci-hub.et-fine.com/10.1037/sgd0000047) I think this research should to put to rest the idea that men are the ones upholding masculine norms, not women. If you're a bisexual guy, and you're not looking to date seriously, it's probably best not to tell women about it.",,151,AI_CODE_MONKEY,2023-12-09 21:26:44 PurplePillDebate,18f12zn,Prevalence of female-perpetrated sexual assault and domestic violence,"Men are without a doubt significantly more violent than women overall, but the vast majority of this violence is directed towards other men. Generally, men are conditioned from childhood to avoid violence against women specifically. This doesn't mean it never happens, but feminists greatly exaggerate the frequency of it and the proportion of men that perpetrate it. Feminists also ignore the great body of research on the staggering prevalence of [domestic violence](https://web.archive.org/web/20200102220428/https://web.csulb.edu/~mfiebert/assault.htm) and [sexual assault](https://web.archive.org/web/20140705143404/http://www.dottal.org/LBDUK/references_examining_men_as_vict.htm) perpetrated by women against men, with a lot of studies indicating gender parity or HIGHER levels of female perpetration. In particular, there is [one study](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17395835/) on IPV in young adults with a sample size of over 10 000, found that among nonreciprocally violent relationships(half of all violent relationships) where there is a clear and unambiguous perpetrator and victim, the woman was the perpetrator 70% of the time. Feminists often cite rates of criminal complaints to argue for these crimes being heavily gendered, but this is ironic given the fact that the same feminists often point out that the majority of sexual assaults and domestic violence incidents are never reported to law enforcement. So how can criminal complaints be an accurate indicator of prevalence?",,9,AI_CODE_MONKEY,2023-12-10 10:53:39 PurplePillDebate,18eggnk,Single men are bitter. I wonder why?,"I had the pleasure of watching this post evolve in real time : [https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/18dq8nk/why\_do\_single\_women\_seem\_so\_happy\_compared\_to/](https://www.reddit.com/r/purplepilldebate/comments/18dq8nk/why_do_single_women_seem_so_happy_compared_to/) Lots of reasonable comments. But a lot of hypocritical content too. It was all kind of crazy that women were so completely unable to answer why men are so but-hurt about being a genetic dead end. Like no conception of how societal expectations based on gender and failure to reach them doesn't affect us mentally in-spite of their rallying cry against beauty standards and for body positivity Here is the biggest difference in the life of a single woman vs a single man that would account for the insane toxicity that inhabits spaces where losers like me congregate - Women's dating advice is tempered by their ridiculous optionality to the point they can literally do nothing and still get a guy. Remember ""manifesting?"" And even if they fail, like completely fail the impetus to change is on them because general dating advice doesn't look them square in the eye and tell them that they might be the problem. Its all sympathy, oceans of understanding and compassion for their loneliness and affirmation ""You are enough"" &#x200B; While for men the answer is resoundingly "" it's your fault, you are not enough, you are not good enough, if the woman doesn't want you it's your fault"" If there is anything coming to a semblance of acceptance it is a very brusque statement "" You don't need to be in a relationship"" which has a completely different vibe than ""you are enough"". To their credit women do give out advice that tells men to work on themselves and be happy by themselves before they get into a relationship but ...... it very "" this is your problem, fix it"" as opposed to an genuine sense of compassion for human being struggling with loneliness. We are the social equivalents of flea infested dogs. All dating advice for men designed to humble us. But without any positive reinforcement all that does is fuck up your self esteem just as much as a lack of experience.. And its a vicious cycle. Each day you fail is a day that tells you that it is morally and factually your fault. Its every where - if you weren't such a misogynist, if you weren't such a piece of shit if you weren't a bad person maybe women woulnt be repulsed and maybe you would be happy. Compared to that its no wonder that red pill attracts unsuccessful men. But even that gets old. The cosmic treadmill of self improvement gets old &#x200B; Did anyone even consider that when posting ""Single guys are bitter as fuck""? Can anyone live with a voice in your head , a multitude outside of it and your immediate reality reminding you that you are not good enough and be happy or content? &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B;",,246,AdEffective7894s,2023-12-09 15:55:18 PurplePillDebate,18erxik,What are your actual dating requirements? (Single Women Only),"I had a conversation with a single woman today. She tried to sell the impression that the bar is very very low for her. She just asks for 'bare minimum' things and yet she's 42 and still single. If it was so bare minimum maybe she wouldn't be single? I've also heard women online and in this sub make similar claims. Online, there seems to be many accounts of women having standards that are out of touch with reality while at the same time there's still a lot of language that 'paints' their standards as absurdly low. The only way I can make sense of this is - it's women saying ""my standards are bare minimum"" - bare minimum meaning top 10% in every characteristic all in the same person. Let's settle this. What are your actual dating requirements and what do you bring to the table? (If you're a married woman, you're not dating anymore)",,16,Da_Famous_Anus,2023-12-10 01:05:49 PurplePillDebate,18etk1u,Two leaders in a relationship. Thoughts?,"I just watched this TikTok video of a woman who attempted to secure the services of a matchmaker. https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT8aXGET6/ She's 38 years old, type A, and wants to be the leader in the relationship. But she's also looking for a man who makes the same amount of money or more, who could also be the leader. Her matchmaker decided she was not ready and backed out. The woman in the video now claims that the matchmaker is suggesting that she must change or else she's not ""worthy of love"". Something tells me to matchmaker never actually said that. What do you think about there being two leaders in a relationship? Recipe for success?",,11,Windmill_flowers,2023-12-10 02:35:16 PurplePillDebate,18ela88,"For those women that don't get ""cat called"" / approached by men, does the rhetoric that ""Every woman faces this"" make you feel like 'less"" of a woman?","Hello! I only ask this because I've had similar experiences when people have suggested that ""men"" can walk freely at night without fear for their safety. Of course this isn't true, and I do my best to avoid being out alone at night for this reason (I suspect a larger part of this feeling comes from the area you grew up in though. Who knows). Either way, the suggestion makes me feel that fearful men, anxious men, disabled men etc. aren't considered ""men"" in this scenario. Almost like another type of gender role. Do you ever feel the same when people suggest that all women are cat called, all women are hit on etc ? I hear this rhetoric from both men and women at times. For those thinking, ""But all women DO get approached and cat called"", I know women close to me that say they never face this behaviour, and there are [threads](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/12tfcdp/ive_never_been_catcalled_is_that_normal/) you can find on women-centered subs with similar experiences. But I thought I'd ask the PPD people anyway!",,22,Think_Day_8061,2023-12-09 19:40:50 PurplePillDebate,18ek7q5,"Is it true that male ""players"" were shamed prior to the sexual revolution?","I read somewhere that the phenomenon of society lauding men who can get around a lot is relatively recent. According to this theory, prior to the sexual revolution, men who got around a lot were somewhat shunned by society (at least in more advanced civilizations). Although the extent of shaming wasn't as much as for promiscuous women, male promiscuity was still seen as a liability, similar to alcohol dependence. I can actually see this, since in East Asia (which is quite socially conservative compared to the West), promiscuity in men is still often frowned upon.",,21,LeagueSucksLol,2023-12-09 18:51:12 PurplePillDebate,18ehubq,N COUNTS WEEKLY DISCUSSION THREAD,"&#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/3aHh4trC7B) Include your reddit username, pill color, age and gender when you arrive in the welcome mat to introduce yourself and help people get to know you. &#x200B; You can also find Mrs\_Drgree on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/?hl=en) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree) for notifications on when good threads are posted.",,4,AutoModerator,2023-12-09 17:00:14 PurplePillDebate,18edo8x,What is the ideal? What works best in a relationship?,"I have read and watched content, studied, debated with friends, evaluated all of these modern relationship issues for years now and I can't help but wonder... what is the \*ideal\* scenario? What actually works in reality in a heterosexual relationship and marriage? I think of it like a pendulum that was too far one way (when women had few options or rights) to too far the other way (hook-up culture, p\*rn, 50/50 dating, women must be like men to compete, etc). I think there is probably a happy medium where men & women's contributions can be equally respected even if they aren't doing the exact same things. I think men and women are different in many ways. When I am pregnant and raising children, especially when they are young, I want to be present and low-stress. I also want to take care of myself physically and mentally (I don't want to get fat and be a nag). I don't think this is realistic.. to be relaxed/calm, taking care of myself, my family, my body, etc AND also working a full-time job for a company. I don't want to ""do it all"". It sounds miserable. BUT, this scenario would result in me being financially-dependent on my husband and I don't think this is healthy. For the past three years, I thought I discovered the key; I must work to establish passive-income for myself as an entrepreneur (I already have this), so that once I get married and have children, I have money to pay for (at minimum) my own upkeep. That I could have a provider husband, be a present mother during my children's younger years (until they begin school and then maybe I can focus on other small projects), and I wouldn't be completely financially-dependent on my husband. Is this not a solution? Is it ideal for the wife/mother to have an entrepreneurial, small-business pursuit which is not as demanding and for the husband/dad to be the provider? I am currently dating and what I have encountered is a man who is established and who has watched a lot of red-pill content. He told me that men don't care about a woman's intelligence (ouch!) and that women should not be entrepreneurs. That they are not natural risk-takers? He wants to be a provider husband and can afford to, but it seems like the traditional gender roles he desires are much more rigid. While I realize this man is likely not the one for me, I also know that I won't get everything that I want. It seems like such a gigantic risk to rely solely on my husband financially. I also would become sad if I was encouraging, supporting, cheering on a man in his pursuits and successes, but he wouldnt be able to support or encourage me in return for my pursuits of a small business that would be small potatoes compared to him. He also says that hypergamy is real (something I agree with to some extent); however, I would never want my husband to think he is ""above"" me and that I ""married up"". I think men and women bring different things to relationships. I think a good match is a balance between what everyone brings to the relationship. What do you think is the ideal scenario for a happy, healthy (non-toxic) relationship and marriage? If the woman doesn't earn money, people say that she is a golddigger or a freeloader or whatever, even when she is birthing and caring for children and home. If she works outside the home and does the typical maternity leave, it is hard for the family, kids, her, and I think women struggle to take care of themselves in this scenario. I think people get divorced a lot in this scenario. What gives? ",,8,happytosayhi993,2023-12-09 13:31:51 PurplePillDebate,18efbxo,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, etc... in this thread. Here you can post everything you don't think warrants it's own thread. Or just do some socialising. Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. &#x200B; If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,5,AutoModerator,2023-12-09 15:00:13 PurplePillDebate,18f6pag,Guys complaining about no dates/marriage perspective. Do you realize how cool is being single?,"I only realized how happy I was, when I married and our kids were born (that happened quite soon). Let's only consider one factor here: money spending in marriage. Ignore kids (probably you will be lucky and have no kids), ignore nagging and possible divorce - the big bogeyman of modern marriage. Also let's assume she also works, maybe her salary is comparable to yours, maybe slightly less. Then all your money go into same pot. From which you need: food, a pair of jeans and shoes every year. Maybe car maintenace. She needs: \- Fancy restaurants. Sushi delivery. \- Lots of clothes and accessories. She is off/on diet and her size varies, so does fashion. New things every month or two. \- Beauty care: nails, hair, feet, various alchemy potions for her face and body skin. Perfume of course. \- Gifts. There are many aniversaries every year. And of course you can't just buy something useful. Buy jewelry! \- Travel. Maybe twice a year. Jet, hotel, restaurants again. Of course you two will be short on money often, but that's your fault. You don't earn enough. One might think that is an exaggeration, but this is real experience. You can get married or buy realty or save and get passive income by 40. Of course, family gives your some chance of raising kids that might help you when you are too old. But savings and investment seems to be a better strategy. If you have no dates and can't find your future wife, think again - maybe you dodged a bullet?",,0,WanabeInflatable,2023-12-10 16:03:11 PurplePillDebate,18e56sn,"Women genuinely, ""settling"" never really works out","This subreddit, across the board, seems to think women overestimate their appeal in the dating market and that their standard are too high, and thus, they should settle. I was told my whole life to settle, to reward ""persistent"" but unappealing men, and so have a lot of other women. I don't really think that's a good idea at all. Every time I have genuinely seen a woman ""settle"" or date someone clearly beneath her, let's say, the guy has almost always gotten insecure, weird, abusive, cheated on her, or otherwise just imploded. Maybe this ties into the RP theory that women want someone ""better"" than them, but I don't think it's that.. I think men just can't feel ""worse"" without imploding in some way, and thus should really try to date someone within their own league. I don't really think anyone would treat a woman worse than a guy who is insecure and feels blatantly inferior. I don't think anyone should feel, or actually be, blatantly ""inferior"" in a relationship. You should both be relatively equally educated, attractive, in the same financial bracket or at least social class, and have compatible personalities",,29,10throwawayantsy,2023-12-09 04:13:47 PurplePillDebate,18eo1c7,To what extent did globalism create the modern dating world? And to what extent will de-globalization reverse it?,"Let’s first define Globalism. It’s the ability for any nation to sell anything to anyone with little to no friction. As an example, a country like Burma can sell a widget to Uruguay with no fears of piracy due to the US Navy operating as the policemen of the world. This is different from what existed before Globalism, which was a collection of empires. Cross border trade was limited to happening within empires. There was little trade between empires. Most trade was domestic. There was nothing resembling a long supply chain. Globalism roughly started at the end of World War II, so most of us have ever only known a globalist world. We take it for granted that the current world is the norm. But as of 2023 the world is rapidly de-globalizing, so we're entering a new era. **Globalism created these knock on effects:** **1.** The predominantly male manufacturing force was outsourced. Men lost a path to a middle class wages that did not require a college degree. **2.** Knowledge work and service sector jobs took on a bigger role in the economy. This work shift favored women. **3.** The point of Globalism was to make countries interconnected through trade so that they wouldn’t start wars with each other. This means that there have basically been no global wars ever since. This is the first time in history that there’s a surplus of men. **4.** Political nationalism basically went out of vogue. As a result things like the Euro were created. This inevitably led to a liberalization of social values, because the economic system incentivized and depended on not hating your trading partners. **De-Globalization will create these knock on effects:** **5.** Manufacturing is rapidly re-shoring to the United States. There’s an extreme shortage of available laborers for high-paying blue collar non-degree requiring work. **6.** AI is predominantly going to disrupt [female office workers](https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2023-05-26/ai-threatened-jobs-are-mostly-held-by-women-study-shows). This means male jobs will increase and female jobs will decrease. **7.** Wars will increase all over the world. More men will die. The surplus of men will go down. **8.** Every nation will need to become more nationalist. This means that there’s now an economic incentive for nationalist politics. As an example it’s now in the interest of governments to favor nationalist laws that [promote higher birth rates for reduced freedom](https://english.elpais.com/international/2023-12-08/abortion-restrictions-and-discouragement-of-female-university-students-moscow-wants-russian-women-to-focus-on-childbearing.html).",,0,giveuporfindaway,2023-12-09 21:51:59 PurplePillDebate,18ehns9,The Wall exists but also doesn't,"Some people say the wall exists. But others say it doesn't because their grandma still has lots of men still trying to hit on her. The truth is, the wall exists and doesn't exist at the same time. How can that be? How can something exist and not exist at the same time? The answer is that men are naturally attracted to younger women who are around peak fecundity. This has been demonstrated in studies. The man's age is irrelevant. One study said most men of all ages preferred women in their early 20s in terms of physical appearance. In that sense the wall exists. But the wall doesn't exist because most men also realize that getting with a much younger woman is unrealistic or socially unacceptable as they get older. So they tend to actually pursue women closer to their own age. On dating sites, for instance, older men usually message women close to their own age instead of 21 year olds, even if those men think the 21 year olds are hotter looking than the women their own age. That's one of the reasons why older women still get men hitting on them. On the other hand, the dating market does shrink as women get older. Most women like men around their own age or a bit older. But men tend to prefer younger women. As women get older their dating pool shrinks because a lot of men will go for slightly younger women, and a few will go for much younger women. When women are in their early 20s, most early 20s guys want them and a lot of mid and late 20s, 30s and older guys want them too. But when they get into their 30s, some guys in their 30s will be going for women in their 20s. As women get older a growing percentage of men their age will be going for slightly or much younger women. So, yes, your grandma will still get hit on, but she won't get as much attention as a 21 year old.",,3,ilike18yoblackpussy,2023-12-09 16:51:38 PurplePillDebate,18dq8nk,Why do single women seem so happy compared to single men?," I am going to generalize a bit here, but it seems to me like all the single women I know in my life are perfectly content with being single. By contrast, every man I know who's single is not happy at all with being single, and desperately wants a girlfriend. Even though the stereotype is ""men are players, they just wanna sleep around and not commit"", in my experience it's been the exact opposite. Men DO want to commit, but they often just don't have luck getting into a relationship. I notice this especially online too. There are a lot of online communities (both toxic i.e incels and non-toxic) that are just centered around men wallowing in their loneliness and lamenting their lack of romantic success. By contrast, I rarely see any women online crying about not having a boyfriend. You might say ""it's because men are horny and they want a woman to fuck"", but honestly, if men are horny, we can just jerk off. It's more like we have a hole in our hearts that can only be filled by a woman's presence. Someone to take care of, someone to do stuff with, etc. I just don't think women yearn for men in the same way men yearn for women. ",,143,Glass_Bucket,2023-12-08 16:14:00 PurplePillDebate,18dy28a,"Real talk, why is RP so obsessed with women’s age?","Before I (no pill woman) even heard of Red Pill, I decided to get a man when I was in love with a man and when I was mentally ready. No problem with that, right? Well after red pill, and hearing all the different variations of narrative that older women expire and get old and ugly and nasty, I fell for the narrative for a little while and worried every single day that my window of time for finding a partner would expire forever. It took my common sensical sister and best friends to un-do me from the brainwash and show me that whoever is negging you isn’t a good partner to start with anyway, and all people of all ages can still find love. Some who disagree with me might say that RP doesn’t nag on the age of women so much as the women whose *personalities* were inherently bad to start with and that their age simply gives a rude awakening because now they look as awful on the outside as in the inside. I beg to differ. RP, for all their obsession with virginity, hates older virgin women just as much as younger slut women. So it doesn’t matter if you’re a virgin, only that you’re a young hot virgin, youngest legal age range and ready to fulfill their fertility fetishes. Case in point: - You got casual bachelor and other RPs publicly shaming that Lolo the Olympic champion and 38 year old virgin for being single and not being able to find a man, while SIMULTANEOUSLY giving her backhanded compliments that at least she controlled herself unlike those other “sluts”. - You got Pearl saying that if you’re still a woman virgin by 28, you’re either a liar, a freak, or very ugly (nonewithstanding that I know plenty of women who are virgins at 28, struggled to fall in love and don’t fit those categories). - You got Rollo Tomassi saying in one of his podcasts that if a woman doesn’t put out for a man, he is simply going to leave her. And that it’s her fault that she doesn’t put out and she remains single. - You got 21 convention trying to teach men how to get the most hook ups, while others talked about how women should settle down while young and have as many babies as possible. It’s like…okay what do you prefer sluts or virgins? Why should a virgin ever settle down with someone who self masquasses as a disloyal stud? It’s like damned if you do, damned if you don’t. It’s like RP claims to want a chaste woman but it feels more like a virtue signaling front to pose as gatekeepers of chastity while going for the sluts since in their mind no woman over the age of 18 is not promiscuous, so they choose the youngest legally age cohort to gatekeepers them or they give up entirely and they get with young hot promiscuous women. I’m sorry, but I highly doubt that good women want a man with some Travis bickle-esque Madonna/whore complex who will say what a rare fertile virginal unicorn they are, only to dump said girls once they turn 25 (or 30, whatever the current belief is) for someone younger. Especially dudes who think that women are inherently not loyal and that all good girls are bad girls who never got caught. It’s superficial, and although I understand that superficiality doesn’t exclude men I also understand why women even conservative ones would be turned off by this movement. TLDR: the “men prefer younger” narrative falls flat when you realizes that the redpill movement simply doesn’t know who to for go the good girl or the sluts. Even the young virgins aren’t exempt because to those to men they age making them worthless and they’re still the “bad girls who didn’t get caught,” if you heard this phrase before. That’s my opinion anyways. What do you think?",,46,fashoclock,2023-12-08 22:08:40 PurplePillDebate,18ejq4r,Do You Think Being Platonic Friends With Women Is Worth It?,"I can’t find anything interesting when it comes to being platonic friends with women, our lives seem too different. It’s not that it’s impossible it’s more about bothering to even being friends with women, any grievances you might have in your life or any sort of distraught can be discussed by other men, as you share the same life experiences as they do, I find it to be a little more healthy to have a close bond with other men than women. Listen no offence girls, but you can be a bit of handful, especially when it comes to paying for things, I always find myself stuck with the bill even though we’re supposed to be friends, I also think we show our emotions better around other men, as they’ll have a better understanding of what it’s like because man oh man it’s not feckin easy. But am I wrong on this, because the concept of friendzoning is a real thing, and I think it would go over better if we’d just stick with having all male friends.",,1,Ceazer4L,2023-12-09 18:28:16 PurplePillDebate,18dwqn5,Choose better is always the response when women are in bad relationships? Do you show the worse parts of yourself when just meeting someone?,"I am of the mindset that men love to tell women to choose better when they are in a situation where they are abused or even treated poorly. I can’t think of any date that I have been on where the man has presented the worst possible version of himself right away. When you are dating, do you show all your worst character traits right away or do you send out a representative depicting the person that gives you the optimal chance of convincing someone that you are worth their time ore effort? If a man goes from a good person to an actual abuser but waits until after she has their first child, at what point should she have chosen better? What if he has an emotionally incestuous relationship with their mother, how would she know unless she is in deep enough to see them interact? Do men actually believe that women are actively seeking out potential partners who are bad people? Let’s remove the concept of friend zone. If you are a male friend then you never had a chance anyway. How do you think a woman can choose better when men are not being authentic? ETA: What if choose better simply means opting completely out of the dating pool? ",,38,bluepvtstorm,2023-12-08 21:08:24 PurplePillDebate,18e6nvm,Are my values and preferences too old-fashioned?,"28M here. I’m not quite sure what “pill” I would fall under. This may sound cliche, but I do indeed prefer debt-free virgins without tattoos. So much so, in fact, that I am holding myself to the same standard. I have my life together. I have a pretty damn good job and the only debt I have is on my house. Furthermore, I am saving myself for my future wife. The idea of casual sex is honestly disgusting to me. I want it to be part of the marital bond. Is it unreasonable, in my case, to desire the same out of a lady? Am I too old-fashioned in my preferences? Edit: my preferences aren’t absolute requirements. It’s more about having values and wanting someone who shares those values. ",,6,Sensitive_Truck_3015,2023-12-09 05:42:33 PurplePillDebate,18dwt80,What are successful autistic guys doing differently likely?,"I'm autistic and I feel for the other autistic guys who have trouble. I read books on how to date women such as Double Your Dating and The Mystery Method and these books helped me a lot. I now have gf, who also happens to get autistic as well, which helps too. Some autistic guys seem to have success and there are a lot who do not yet of course. I am wondering what is it that more successful guys are doing differently most of the time and if those things should be taught and talked about more often therefore?",,19,harmonica2,2023-12-08 21:11:36 PurplePillDebate,18ehhtj,"Who do you think needs more attention, males or women? And why?","I'm curious what PPD thinks on this topic. Attention seeking behavior in adults can be a symptom of childhood trauma or being maladjusted. #Males Loud exhaust or sound systems in their cars. Lifted trucks while being very much ON-road. Posing in the gym - sick lats bro. Wannabe rappers with diamond jewelry, VIP section, bottle service with sparklers #Women Selfies, loud in groups, wedding ruined if a bridesmaid is prettier, selfies, fishing for compliments, crying tiktoks, expensive bags, skin tight gym outfit + full makeup, selfies Who do you think needs more attention and why? DISCLAIMER: ITT we are talking IN GENERAL, it is understood that it doesn't apply to every one.",,0,Windmill_flowers,2023-12-09 16:43:46 PurplePillDebate,18e9f5d,What does it mean by women want money?,"Let's start with easier question. People want money. What does it mean? &#x200B; Does it mean people ONLY want money? No. Does it mean ALL people want money? No. Does it mean all people that offer money have NOTHING ELSE to offer? No. Does it mean ONLY DESPERATE people want money? No. It means most people in general will be better off if they have more money. So their utility function that correctly predict their behavior will depend a lot on whether they are getting more money. For example, in picking a job, one of the main thing that people will consider is that the jobs pay well. They of course, consider other things first, like whether the room where he works have air conditioner or not. But they consider money a lot. Now, say someone says women want money? Does it mean women ONLY want money? No. Does it mean ALL women want money? No. Does it mean all men that offer money have NOTHING ELSE to offer? No. In particular, paying women is much cheaper than marrying them or paying child support. So many rich men prefer to offer simply money. Does it mean ONLY DESPERATE women want money? No. And yet so many people will argue yes for those questions. Why? Because if women want money and they can get it, those women will pick rich guys and poverty will be gone. However, that means poor guys and ugly women will go extinct. So not only women can't easily sell sex and reproductive service, feminists make up lies that no women would want to sell sex. Any discussion showing how weird is that is usually censored. The truth is, just like most men, most women would sell sex is price is right https://i.stack.imgur.com/q7Cug.jpg",,3,Confident-Cupcake164,2023-12-09 08:53:25 PurplePillDebate,18ese9v,CMV: buying expensive dinners for your gf/wife is equivalent to cooking for her if not better,"Women are always shitting on a guy who can’t cook. They always say bla bla bla what do you mean your wife always cooks, why do you never cook bla bla bla Thing is everyone can cook. Even a child can cook. A man could easily cook for his gf or wife. And it would probably be edible and she might even like it. But imagine the huge time investment to ATTEMPT to cook a very elaborate meal that would probably not live up to the standards of a professional Preparing, learning and cooking everything is a huge time investment Now consider that time is money. He goes to work, he wastes his life there, he earns money. If he uses that money that he earned with blood and swear to BUY her a really nice meal, it’s the equivalent of him using his time to MAKE her a nice meal. There’s no valid room for complaint It’s like if a guy bought jewellery for his wife and she started bitching that he didn’t dig up the ore himself and smelt it and fashion it into jewellery",,0,dbz__f,2023-12-10 01:31:11 PurplePillDebate,18ds9z6,How is it that such severely dysfunctional and socially inept people so often seem to be in long term relationships?,"My mind is constantly being blown. Guys who are almost impossible to converse with ( and I considered myself to be a strong conversationalist who can talk to pretty much anyone of any background) and who cant look you in the eye, who give you second hang cringe just being near them, who couldn’t be charming or smooth if their life depended upon it and yet turn out to have a partner who is comparatively normal even attractive. Maybe they just threw shit at the wall until it stuck but they don’t seem outgoing enough to be approaching women so it’s mysterious to me. Or perhaps more insane is the really really dysfunctional folks, addicts and the mentally ill who cannot even care for themselves yet are somehow managing to hold down a relationship. These aren’t necessarily bad people or unworthy of love, and I’m not sure how healthy their relationships are (probably not very healthy in the case of dysfunctional people) or maybe their partners are enablers or nutcases in their own right but the mere fact they oftentimes even have partners when conventional wisdom tells you that they wouldn’t even be a blip on the radar of the opposite sex, goes to show that most folks here are being WAY too harsh on themselves.",,23,StaticNocturne,2023-12-08 17:46:46 PurplePillDebate,18e5lut,Modern dating is one vicious cycle of overrating oneself and then going after the people better than us.,"Modern dating is one vicious cycle of overrating oneself and then going after the people better than us. And then, we wonder why the people we match with and have conversations with are so lukewarm and non-committal, making it seem like having any sort of conversation feel like pulling teeth. Meanwhile, those amazing people on paper (whom we sought after) are seeking after even better people and getting the same treatment they give us... Overall, everyone is just unhappy and is in agreement just how much modern dating sucks. The only group of people -- where dating doesn't suck for -- are those people at the top of the food chain (the top 1-3% of both genders).",,2,ktdotnova,2023-12-09 04:38:40 PurplePillDebate,18dhh7d,“Women are hornier than men”,I saw a post that stated women are much more hornier than men and I was reading the comments and literally most of the women in the comments were agreeing with the post. I then went on tiktok and did a research and there were good amount of posts on there saying that women are much more hornier than men are but they just know how to control it and there are girls in the comment section that agrees but we all know that isn’t true. If women are really hornier than men are then explain why women complain about receiving a dick pic where as a man wouldn’t complain about receiving a pussy pic and not only that if women had the choice they’d literally fuck a dildo over the average guy. Also explain why women in general are more threatened by guys and have the constant fear of being “raped” and even accused most men of being rapists and a threat to them?,,59,imuglyassin,2023-12-08 07:23:47 PurplePillDebate,18ei3ba,Men can succeed very far in this world even while single. Can women do this too?,"If a man and woman are in a relationship, they can move forward as a pair if they don't oppress each other in anyway. The man does all of the ""tough labour"" and the woman does all of the nurturing and home care. Again, let's assume they are doing it out of pure choice, and no one is being oppressed or anything &#x200B; If a man is single, he can still be very successful. In modern times, all he has to do is earn money somehow and pay for food and shelter. There are some jobs now and of the past where single men go and work: soldier, miner, construction in a remote area etc. Other men usually provide the food and shelter. There are zero women there, so this proves men can get ahead in the world while single &#x200B; I know a woman can do all of these things, but do women have the ability to get REALLY far ahead in life while single? I imagine if a woman is working on a far away construction project, or she's a miner or something - she might get really scared of being so far from civilization and won't have that ""comfort"" a man would have in an unusual situation &#x200B; These are just specific examples. But do women have the capacity to be as successful as a man without the help of any man ever?",,0,Consistent-Gur6932,2023-12-09 17:11:34 PurplePillDebate,18dnfjb,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, etc... in this thread. Here you can post everything you don't think warrants it's own thread. Or just do some socialising. Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. &#x200B; If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,11,AutoModerator,2023-12-08 14:00:24 PurplePillDebate,18e3nd2,Unmarried childless women are more likely to be unhappy,"A lot of stories have been published in the media in recent years saying that women are happier being single than men. But this claim is contradicted by this study I found online: https://ifstudies.org/blog/who-is-happiest-married-mothers-and-fathers-per-the-latest-general-social-survey According to the above survey, married men and women with children are more likely to say they're very happy than married people without children or unmarried people. Now moving on to unmarried childless people, the data is interesting. Childless unmarried women were more likely to say they were ""very happy"" than childless unmarried men. But childless unmarried women were *also* more likely than their unmarried childless male counterparts to say they're ""not very happy"". Whereas with childless unmarried men, most say they're ""pretty happy"". In short, it seems that there are more unmarried childless women who are very happy than unmarried childless men. But there are also more unmarried childless women who are unhappy than unmarried childless men. The women seem to cluster more at the extremes of happiness and unhappiness, whereas most unmarried childless men (over 60%) tend to cluster in the middle, saying they're ""pretty happy"", instead of being ""very happy"" or ""not so happy"". In short, a lot of single childless men seem to be fairly content and happy enough. Whereas there are more single childless women who are very happy, but also more of them than men who are very unhappy.",,0,ilike18yoblackpussy,2023-12-09 02:46:55 PurplePillDebate,18eh69y,"Since men outnumber women, male loneliness is not the fault of women and cannot be solved through partnership with women."," Many assert that male loneliness is the result of feminism and women being hyper selective in mate selection. However, in a numbers game, women outnumber men. And the numbers are exacerbated once you exclude women outside of what men prefer. ———- Considering the numbers, what is the solution to male loneliness? (A) Is male loneliness, as an issue, is actually not solvable via partnership with women. But instead a male issue that exist without taking women into account? Are men actually missing male-to-male community? (B) Is male loneliness not a “solvable issue” at all, but simply a result of natural selection. Is it possible that in previous generations, male loneliness existed at the same rate, but without social media to advertise it. (C) Is male loneliness, an actual issue impacting the top % of viable men who “should” have access to the top% of viable women, but don’t.",,0,Limes-Over-Lemons,2023-12-09 16:28:46 PurplePillDebate,18d7g8a,Men should not commit to women until they close all their options,"Living in the modern dating world, with modern women, no man should commit to a woman who has not closed off all her options. We live in a unique time were women are no longer shamed, but instead encouraged to keep their options open, even when in relationships. Instead men are shamed and being called ""insecure"" "" controlling"" and other words with the intent to shame us for rightfully questioning this dynamic. You can see all over social media (including reddit) countless posts blogs and other content of men feeling uneasy and trapped in situations where they are committed to a woman who is keeping her options open but is gaslighting her man into thinking she is ""not really"" despite the uneasyness. Society is happy to join the woman and the laws do permit women to do this while forbidding men to exercise any authority within our relationships. No one is there for men when we inevitably end up getting the short end of the stick. Pretty much every story of a man being cheated on or left and going through harsh divorce procedures, all go back to the same problem (the guy committed without negotiating anything). As such, i fully believe men should use the only power that we have left to full effect ( our committment). This is your ONLY real bargaining tool, no matter what anyone says. If a woman wants to keep male friends around, thats cool she is not your girlfriend she is just somebody you sleep with. If she WAS your gf before, let her know in no uncertain terms, that you no longer claim her as your gf. Whatever she chooses to do is on her, you are just friends with benefits. If you are seeing a girl who likes posting pics online for male attention, you never progress the relationship higher than F-buddies then you tell her that that will only happen if she deletes her social media. If you are seeing a girl who likes to go clubbing and drinks and dances with other men, dont even think about committing to her until she herself starts to drop that habit. Any time a woman engages in behaviour that is leaving the door open to other men, she is NOT committed to you and doesnt deserve your committment. As a woman, keeping other men out of the relationship should be her job, and you must not tolerate any excuses or neglect. And no matter what they say women will always chase committment, so use that as your bargaining tool. If you are committed and she starts acting out, you withdraw your committment. This is how you use this power and this is what men need to do in order to get women to act right and properly commit to you. And if she refuses, well then you dont commit to her. On to the next.",,88,Tight-Breeder,2023-12-07 22:26:11 PurplePillDebate,18dyd09,How did the patriarchy start in the first place?,"Even RP men will admit that there are some societal advantages that men do enjoy. While the physical strength difference between the genders is a factor in the patriarchy, I don't think it's the only or even main factor. Women and physically weak men are treated very differently by society, and if physical strength was the main factor in the patriarchy, you would expect them to be treated similarly. Most non-mammal animal species actually exhibit reverse sex size dimorphism, where the female is bigger. Assuming this is the ancestral condition of animal life, how did we even get where we are today?",,0,LeagueSucksLol,2023-12-08 22:22:34 PurplePillDebate,18cxuyv,Some trends women are involved in on social media contribute directly to toxic masculinity and justifies the manosphere’s existence.,"Now, I want to be very clear about this - i’m not talking about normal women, or women who mildly use social media to post pictures with their friends or of what they’re doing - hell, i’m sure the majority of women who don’t fit into this. I also want to make clear that the manosphere as a whole is an overall negative space that reenforces a lot of these issues as well. That all being said, given how hyper connected we are, and given how heavily involved in online communities the manosphere is (and how they base their opinions on women on these women), it actively reenforces toxic masculinity and justifies the manosphere/RP’s existence. The ick trend is a good example, or women flat out admitting to using men, or women bragging about the things men buy them, or even women talking about extremely superficial standards (lookin at you tiktok) inform the worldview of a lot of these men, and while i want to reiterate, this does not represent most women, I do find that women generally turn a blind eye to these trends. Now, the women who do partake in these trends are admittedly young and unwise, though their expression of toxicity, shall we call it, reenforces toxic masculinity because the men who consume this context look at and not only believe all women to be like this, but also use such instances to justify being emotionally distant, being extremely materially driven, selling a fake macho persona, justifying manipulation, etc Is there responsibility on these men to separate this content from reality? 1000% - tiktok isn’t real life, and algorithms do fully form your worldview if you’re not careful. But women usually either turn a blind eye to it, or downplay it. Which, at the one hand, yes, it isn’t real life and shouldn’t be seen as such - but at the same time, if such a thing is many men’s perception of reality, I think it’ll do a lot to dismantle the issue and delegitimize the manosphere content using it to justify toxic masculinity to call it out (especially if she has a platform)",,89,KayRay1994,2023-12-07 15:20:10 PurplePillDebate,18czbbb,Why is there such a large double standard?,"https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16yxqdf/aita_for_reporting_a_girl_who_lied_to_me/ https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/184b7hc/aita_for_lying_to_avoid_rejection/ These two posts depict the same damn situation. Just reversed. In the first post, a man is lied to by a woman. He’s complaining about it and people are saying it’s a normal occurrence, and that he should get over himself. And in the second post, well, the guy did exactly what the girl in post #1 did, but he’s also deemed “YTA”. What the hell? Edit: descriptions are in comments of each respective post",,42,Fit_Firefighter185,2023-12-07 16:26:21 PurplePillDebate,18d4dcf,"Question for men who want ""traditional"" gender norms","I have a good faith question for men who believe society should go back to women marrying young and primarily being child bearers, wives, and mothers. When you watch The Handmaid's Tale, or exposés about Polygamist groups like the FLDS or The Kingston Clan, or you read news articles about how things are in Iran and Saudi Arabia - is that what you want society to be like? When I think of these societies as a woman, it disturbs me to my core, and I view them as the ultimate goal of returning to traditional gender norms. Do you view these societies as aspirational? If not, how do they differ from your aspirational society?",,20,montana-blue,2023-12-07 20:12:38 PurplePillDebate,18dpfd3,The Red Pill claim that modern women are “not held accountable” is completely bogus.,"It is a common sentiment in RP circles that women “aren’t held accountable” in modern society. But not only is this false but RP men also often hold women accountable for men’s actions, thereby absolving men of their wrong doing. For instance if a man is violent and it turns out he does well with women, RP men will blame women for “choosing badly” and encouraging said man to be violent or dangerous. On the flip side if a man is violent and it turns out that he is constantly rejected by women (and perhaps has never even been with a woman) RP men will argue that it’s women’s fault because rejecting said man made him angry and disillusioned. In either situation there is a way to rationalize the man’s bad behavior as being the fault of women which shows that such reasoning is in fact biased and meant to absolve men instead of holding them accountable. Now I understand such takes really only exist in RP spaces, out here in the “Blue Pill” world we rightfully hold violent men accountable for their violent actions but it seems as though RP men consider holding men accountable as “not holding women accountable” because they hold women accountable for the actions of men. And while in the past it was common for women to be blamed for “tempting” men—women were often more policed and punished for being “sexually immoral”—in our modern times this is less so the case. Still even to this day women can rarely use “temptation” as an excuse for anything they do. (A wealthy man pursuing a woman and showering her with gift’s isn’t “tempting her” but a woman posting a bikini pic on instagram is “tempting” men). The very fact that temptation is almost never an excuse for women but is commonly an excuse for men just shows that women are actually not less likely to be held accountable than men are. RP men simply confuse women being scapegoated less for men’s wrong doings (a result of modern society being more progressive, feminist and less patriarchal) as women “not being accountable”. Classic case of, to the oppressor equality feels like oppression.",,0,YveisGrey,2023-12-08 15:36:54 PurplePillDebate,18ds68a,Can women do/feel these things to the extent men can?,"I am genuinely trying to improve my view of the world and see how similar men and women are, and what things are based on biological difference, so please don't think this is a troll question. This is the only sub where I can really ask this. &#x200B; ***So for each point, could you tell me if women do/feel this and give an example. Thank you!*** **#1 Do women feel like dominating their field?** Men have historically always dominated their field. Whether it's warfare, business etc. And the domination's end goal is to be the best **#2 Do women get inflated egos based on their abilities and social status?** Men (like Walter White) can get inflated egos based on what they can do, and who they are. Other than abilities and social status gained from looks. Let's say a woman owns a large business that many rely on, will she gain an ego: ""Everyone relies on me, I'm the best, they all need me"" **#3 Do women think of violence as a good way to punish?** So we know men can get into fights easily. A man insults a man, and he may get punched in the face. I am not talking about crazy violence that goes beyond anything reasonable. But do women ever think ""I would so love to beat the sh\*t out of so and so"". **#4 Are women good at strategy and logistics?** Military tactics, business strategies, contingency planning etc. Like for example, on average could a woman make and run an underground black market trading network from scratch better than a man could? **#5 Do women have the same desire to secure resources as men?** So in the animal kingdom, we know animals fights each other to the death for resources and land. However, in humans, are men mostly the fighters? If there was a society of only women, would we see violent clashes, tribes forming etc. Or would there be more peace and would the society share resources equally etc **#6 Do women have natural wilderness survival skills?** I am under the misconception that a man would more naturally adapt to the wild, than a woman. If a woman is stuck in the wild, would she be able to start thinking of ways to survive? Would she start trying to make a shelter, find food/water, or would a woman more likely just give up or try to run towards civilization? **#7 Do women hold less hatred towards other women?** If a woman were to be betrayed equally by the same gender, and the opposite gender, who would she hold more hatred for? Would the same gender be hated less, even by a few percent? Maybe due to societal socialization (girls rule, boys drool) or maybe due to some biological reason to stick together with your own kind (same gender)? &#x200B; &#x200B;",,0,Consistent-Gur6932,2023-12-08 17:41:56 PurplePillDebate,18d05dc,Do you think it's fair to say that women can never get too much attention from a man they're interested in?,"Dating is often seen as a balancing act for men; show too much attention and it can come across as desperate or manipulative, the woman feels smothered and instinctively backs away and often begins to question the mans value, show her too little attention and she begins to question his feelings for her and can eventually grow resentful and deprived of the attention she feels she deserves and takes off. It seems most guys are more afraid of showing too much attention or too intensely though hence trying to play it cool, take hours or days to reply to texts, going hot and cold and all that bullshit. But then you see couples where the guy is showering her in affection to the point where it's a bit cringing especially in public, yet she seems to lap it up. So at some point the scales seem to tilt in the other direction. Does this tend to occur when a relationship becomes more serious or official? Or do most women desire as much attention as they can get from men who they're attracted to? (Not interested in glib responses like 'good looking guys can get away with murder duh' I want real discussion based on your experiences) ",,15,StaticNocturne,2023-12-07 17:04:06 PurplePillDebate,18cwdce,"Root cause is not higher libido of all men, but excessive activity of some high-libido men","There is a common misconception that man are hornier than women (and that is the root cause of all the problems in dating). Women complain about dickpics, men pushing for sex on first date, men who want just one thing, men who coerce and ignore word no et.c. Women get insane attention on OLD services, but majority of this attention is sort of spam. On the other hand, if you go to r/DeadBedrooms you might see pretty equal number of threads with complains about low-libido men and women. Low and average libido men exist but men in general are judged by ""horn-dogs"". A fraction of men with extra high sex-drive are very active: * They spam women proposing sex * They harass women * They initiate, pay for dates and do whatever it takes * They invest a lot of money in looks * They ignore rejection and don't care about being called jerks or creeps * Due to great emphasis, they finally have success with women and are not strictly monogamous (i.e. cheating) Men who don't chase women are not seen by women. Men who are obsessed - are seen disproporionatelly and collective image of men is based not on average men but on the most active. Yes, not all men are super-horny, but among super-horny people there is more men and such men cause a lot of issues leading to generic misandry and reinforcing double standards that impact all men. I saw ideas to ""reduce libido of men to fix dating"". No need to fix all men, just a fraction of men who cause majority of problems. ",,23,WanabeInflatable,2023-12-07 14:08:47 PurplePillDebate,18cx656,"Why does it seem ""Wit"" and/or ""Witness"" plays a central part in dating particulary in the Anglosphere?","Hey guys, This is an observation I've made. I'm not saying its not possible to be witty. Which it is hard to attain but definitely possible. However, It is an ""art"" in itself. And it both requires creativity to write the lines and ability to performe the lines. Two separate and different skills that require both effort, time and at the minimum a few years to master. *Hence, why wittines adds and extra layer of difficulty to dating in the Anglosphere.* I've seen it with some Pick Up Students where they have a lot going on for them professionally and personally. However, since they can't text a ""witty"" line the woman loses intersts and stops replying. Unlike what some guys think it wasn't all about looks. But rather some of the feedback the woman would give is that, ""He's boring,"" ""He's dry."" ""I don't feel a spark."" I know some people might say, ""This is universal and across all cultures."" However, based on my observation this is not neccesarily the case. While humor does play a role in the courship process. I do believe that it takes a backseat over other abilities. From my observations with Latin American, Eastern Europe and even Germany. Communication tends to be more ""explicit"" and expectations more ""upfront."" What do you guys think? ",,6,Marcel_7000,2023-12-07 14:47:56 PurplePillDebate,18cio92,Why do women never blame Married women for their persistent support of the GOP and the Pro Life Movement like they do sexless/dateless men?,"This is somewhat in response to the claims from women on Reddit who insist that single men and Incels are plotting to strip women of their rights while pinning the Roe Vs. Wade situation on them without using any facts or stats to back it up. Threads like this being a classic example: [https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ulp836/study\_sexually\_unsuccessful\_men\_retaliate\_by/](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ulp836/study_sexually_unsuccessful_men_retaliate_by/) According to this article, married women voted for the GOP at a higher rate than unmarried men in the 2022 midterm elections. [https://www.aei.org/society-and-culture/elections-and-demography-the-marriage-gap/](https://www.aei.org/society-and-culture/elections-and-demography-the-marriage-gap/) **In the 2022 exit poll, married and unmarried voters were almost mirror images of one another. Fifty-eight percent of married voters supported GOP House candidates while 59 percent of unmarried respondents voted Democratic. Married men and women did not differ significantly from one another: 59 percent of married men and 56 percent of married women voted GOP. But there was a large gap in the unmarried category: A bare majority of unmarried men, 52 percent, voted for GOP candidates; only 31 percent of unmarried women did.** Also, according to the Pew Research Center, there was a pretty small gap between men and women when it comes support of abortion rights. [https://www.pewresearch.org/religion/fact-sheet/public-opinion-on-abortion/](https://www.pewresearch.org/religion/fact-sheet/public-opinion-on-abortion/) 58% of Adult men in the U.S. supported Abortion rights whereas 63% of women did. That's literally a 5% difference which isn't reflective of a ""gender gap"" in the slightest. Also, the actual Pro-Life movement which includes the type of people the GOP is trying to reach out to includes many female supporters, usually consisting of Christian women and married women while very rarely having single men or Incels in their ranks. [https://swbts.edu/news/religious-faith-church-attendance-aligns-with-more-pro-life-views/](https://swbts.edu/news/religious-faith-church-attendance-aligns-with-more-pro-life-views/) Even the recent Ohio election shows that this idea that the opposition to abortion rights being something that ""evil dateless men"" are conspiring to oppose has zero merit. Check out the actual data from the exit polls. [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2023-elections/ohio-ballot-measures#exit-polls](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2023-elections/ohio-ballot-measures#exit-polls) According to this, female voters in Ohio supported abortion rights at 60% while men supported abortion rights at 53% which is a measly 7% gap. Also, if you click to extend the abortion poll, it shows that Black men actually voted for abortion rights at a higher rate than Black women. With all the discourse surrounding ""misogynoir"", I found that quite interesting. There's even evidence that single/unmarried men are one of the least motivated voter blocs in the country and make up a sizable portion of ""non-voters"" whereas married couples and certain religious groups are some of the biggest drivers in pro-Life support and the majority of the GOP's voting base. I know people on here love to assume that a large portion single/unmarried guys are a bunch of sexist neckbeards who are plotting a ""Revenge of the Nerds"" fantasy against women for not getting laid but the data simply doesn't line up with this POV. Married women literally vote GOP at a higher rate than single men. So, why do women on here and many other parts of social media blame/scapegoat dateless and sexless men for Roe Vs. Wade getting overturned or persistent GOP support while married women go completely ignored or get a complete pass for statistically supporting them at higher rates? &#x200B; &#x200B;",,73,pop442,2023-12-07 00:23:42 PurplePillDebate,18cv2vo,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, etc... in this thread. Here you can post everything you don't think warrants it's own thread. Or just do some socialising. Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. &#x200B; If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,7,AutoModerator,2023-12-07 13:00:18 PurplePillDebate,18cjytd,"There is no presumption of cheating and no paternity test. (That's why, presumption of cheating does not justify being against the test).","Some facts: * The paternity test is unable to determine whether a woman cheated or not, because: * A positive result does not guarantee a woman is faithful, since she could have done: * Sex with contraceptive methods; * Lesbian sex; * Anal, oral etc; * Virtual sex; * Emotional betrayal; * Sex with a sterile man; * Any other possible circumstances that I haven't thought of. * On the other hand, a negative result does not guarantee that the woman is unfaithful, since: * Exchange in the maternity ward; * Chimerism; * Open relationship; * Rape; * Changing relationships when she is already pregnant with her previous partner; * Any other possible circumstances that I haven't thought of. It is about **PATERNITY** and not of **FIDELITY**. Therefore, it makes no sense for people to say that demanding the test is accusing the woman of cheating. The test is incapable of determining fidelity, it only determines whether the man is the child's biological father and nothing else. Assuming accusations of treason and denying the test only serves to raise unnecessary suspicions and take away the peace of the couple, especially the man who will now have a legitimate suspicion (A woman opposing the test by accusing her husband of distrust is slightly suspicious behavior, it gives the impression that the woman overestimates the chances of the man not being the father, and there is no way for her to know that the man is a chimera when he doesn't even know and the chances are low). Opposing the test is, at the very least, a lack of empathy, not caring whether the man sleeps peacefully or not.",,8,[deleted],2023-12-07 01:28:43 PurplePillDebate,18cin42,5.25% of adults aged 40 and above have never been in a relationship: ramifications?,"Considering what's going on with the male loneliness epidemic right now, I thought I'd bring this up. 5.25% of adults aged 40 and above have never been in a relationship. This is 21% of the 25% of adults aged 40 and above who have ""never married"" status. 25%: https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/06/28/a-record-high-share-of-40-year-olds-in-the-us-have-never-been-married/ 21%: > Still, 21% of never-married singles age 40 and older say they have never been in a relationship. https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2020/08/20/a-profile-of-single-americans/ What are the ramifications for ""relationship virgins,"" the individuals in this group? What are the ramifications for the rest of the never-marrieds? What are the ramifications for the overall dating pool? What are the ramifications for society at large?",,10,FromAuntToNiece,2023-12-07 00:22:04 PurplePillDebate,18c6qdo,Do you think there are more men willing to be house husbands or more women will to have house husbands?,"By ""willing"", I mean be happily married and faithful to. I've seen this discussion around the internet. Men think that most women wouldn't be happy long term with a husband who is a homemaker. One who doesn't earn money but does the house work and the majority of the childcare. The women say that it's the men who wouldn't do it because they'd feel insecure or intimidated by having a wife who is the breadwinner. I'd like to get some opinions on this. What do you think there are more of?",,42,shadowrangerfs,2023-12-06 15:43:23 PurplePillDebate,18dbcus,The red pill men on youtube have 30 and 40 YEAR OLD WOMEN terrified of aging. Can we please normalize older women being just as beautiful as the 20 something year olds,This is why so many women are getting plastic surgery an botox and everything else under the sun please these youtube channels keep talking about how women hit the wall at 30. please sop making older women feel bad about themselves. plus 30 isnt even THAT old. I'm 30 and i still feel like im 20 at heart. I just like these youtube channels are too toxic and make everyone feel bad about themselves,,0,Educational_Lab_525,2023-12-08 01:34:59 PurplePillDebate,18ck7e2,"Purple pill women, why are you purple pill?","I noticed there are profiles with “purple pill woman” flair. I’m interested, what makes you purple and not blue pilled? Does it mean you think some ideas from red pill are true?",,4,odd_cloud,2023-12-07 01:40:47 PurplePillDebate,18c8iuo,Staring vs glancing,"Several posts recently about women recording and publically shaming men who ""stare"" at them. One guy was on a bus. Another was on a train, I believe. I have seen a lot of these videos over the past few years, especially the gym influencer ones. My view is: We need to stop taking this shit seriously. I haven't seen a single video that even shows a man actually staring at a woman. Staring is defined as ""looking fixedly or vacantly at someone or something with one's eyes wide open"" or ""a long fixed or vacant look"". What these videos show (at least the dozens I have seen) is men glancing at women. If the dude looks away every few seconds, it means, at most, he's checking you out. That's it. And the only reason these women make most of these videos is because she thinks the dude is not attractive and doesn't like that he is the one who is checking her out. If women go out in public, they do not get free reign to filter the reactions they get from men when those reactions involve nothing more than eyeballs (no words, no actual interaction). If you look attractive, you will get this kind of innocous attention and you don't get to arbitrarily decide it is ok for some people to do it and others not. And you don't get to change the definition of staring to include furtive glances from men who would probably never be able to even work up the nerve to walk up and speak to you. What do you think?",,9,PrecisionHat,2023-12-06 17:02:25 PurplePillDebate,18c1h2k,Q4F: Becoming dumb around your crush?,"Hi all, just wanted to ask the women on here about this crazy phenomenon that affects us all. As a male, I very often see men just throw their brains out their window in the presence of an attractive woman. From saying dumb things to forgetting how to human to fumbling the simplest of tasks. I mean, I get it. Nervousness and anxiety can make us fumble at the worst times. Just wanted to hear from women what are some instances of such things ever happening to you in the presence of your crush/someone you find attractive? How did it make you feel and did you try to cover or make up for it? Tell me your stories!",,11,Dear_Archer7711,2023-12-06 10:55:29 PurplePillDebate,18c6lf7,Should we encourage Peer Pressure?,"Speaking as someone who didn't participate in a lot of the party scene (I went to a few, they weren't all that), should we encourage our children and young adults to actually acquiesce to peer pressure? It seems backwards to me, but these types of scenarios where drugs and alcohol are present provide some of the greatest access to socialization. Regardless of whether you're a teenager or an adult. Is it in the person's best interest to not *always* make the smart decision? In fact, I'm sure there's a saying that encapsulates the benefit of terrible choices when it comes to having stories to tell. Do a few petty offenses or bad outcomes weigh more than having not so much as a speeding ticket to your name? You hear it a lot here, I think: To be romantically and sexually successful, you need to be someone who's fun to be around. How do you, men and women, measure a 'fun' factor? Are we gimping ourselves and future adults out of love and sex by instructing them to put their noses to the grindstone and to become 'upstanding members of society'?",,2,OnePotatoeChip,2023-12-06 15:36:54 PurplePillDebate,18c2gd1,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, etc... in this thread. Here you can post everything you don't think warrants it's own thread. Or just do some socialising. Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. &#x200B; If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,3,AutoModerator,2023-12-06 12:00:16 PurplePillDebate,18bhd1l,Can the mods please make a rule that comments saying that somebody is just lying about their personal experience will be deleted?,"This type of behavior is not conducive to actual debate, it’s just creating an echo chamber. Over and over again, you’ll see one person post something to the likes of “All [gender identity] do\think/are motivated by ________.” And then when somebody from the specified gender says that they, somebody of that gender, actually has had the opposite experience in their lives, so the statement is therefore not true of all people of that gender identity, you’ll get people retorting back saying “no, you’re just lying, you actual do what OP says and are refusing to admit it.” This is not conducive to debate at all, and is quite the opposite. So can there be a rule made about this type of behavior, or at the very least stop calling this a “debate” space?",,49,TidyMess123,2023-12-05 17:33:27 PurplePillDebate,18btv45,Success with women is influenced by the “observer effect”,"If you don’t know what the observer effect is, I highly encourage you to look it up, as I am not a physicist and only have a layman’s understanding. Nonetheless, as I understand it, the mere act of observing a quantum particle actually affects the state that it is in. I am reticent to say much else because I don’t want to confuse anyone, but I believe this is why many women emphasize confidence. If you approach a situation with the confidence that the outcome will be favorable to you, then such an outcome is also more likely. I am not saying that confidence alone is 100% determinant of an outcome, but I do think it has a significant effect, and I also believe that one’s general confidence has a significant effect on their outward appearance. But I also believe the effect is reciprocal: the more one improves their outward appearance, the more confident they will be, and the more their outward appearance will improve. Again, this isn’t the only determining factor. There are certainly external factors that can erode your confidence and lead to a negative feedback loop, but guarding your mental health and practicing mental resilience can help overcome those challenges",,7,topplingtyranny,2023-12-06 02:46:32 PurplePillDebate,18bfc10,What is your take on the PPD survey/demographic results?,"[According to the survey results](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/184sun9/survey_results_new_mods_and_other_jannyisms/), the typical poster/commenter by far in this sub is a: White, single, virgin, middle class male USA-ian between 18-30 y/o who identifies as a non-bluepiller. I mean, it wasn't really **that** surprising to me, especially looking back at the majority of posts in this sub. Makes more sense now. I'm definitely reading this sub in a different light now.",,35,NefariousnessLife220,2023-12-05 16:05:36 PurplePillDebate,18bhhv0,"Let's say there was a reliable test to see if your male partner had ever cheated or would ever cheat on you. Would you use it, and would you judge other women negatively for using it? Also included in the test is if they've ever abused a woman in the past, or will abuse you in the future.","Note: this test is used for people in committed relationships. Not to be used on a first date with a stranger. The most common retort to men wanting a paternity test is ""you should just trust your partner. If you get a paternity test your female partner should leave you immediately"". Well, let's say there was a simple cheap test that you could secretly apply for online, which would show if your male partner would ever cheat or abuse a woman (including you), or has in the past. Would you personally use it, and would you expect other women to use it? Or would women just be expected to trust their male partner, and be shamed out of ever utilising the test? Would you label women ""insecure"" for utilising the test? Would you expect men to have a hard standard that they break up with any woman who uses the test? Edit: for people who will argue ""false equivalency"", the reason women are against paternity tests is because they feel they're being accused of infidelity and being a liar, and that their partner doesn't trust them . In this scenario, women would be ""accusing"" men of infidelity and being a liar. Even worse than that, women would be accusing men of being abusers and assaulters, which presumably men should be offended by? ",,17,Brilliant-Hornet1916,2023-12-05 17:39:12 PurplePillDebate,18cfx5m,We don’t need Paternity Tests.," **We don’t need Paternity Tests.** The purpose of paternity tests is to determine *who is responsible.* Biologically, but realistically financially. Remove the financial aspect? Then the issue of paternity simply becomes one of biology. How? *Default Financial Abortions*(DFA) with an ‘opt in’ clause, whilst pulling child support. DFAs means that *from the point of conception*, women know exactly what a man’s ‘default’ status is. When deciding what to do. Husbands and planned parenthood can simply ‘opt in’ after, or even prior to the fact. Ascertaining the biological aspect of paternity remains the same. Fathers who want to know, can pay for it. This solution is simple. Men get choice. Women have the benefit of knowing by default, where a man stands. Women too, retain all their autonomy. Change this view. **First Edit** First thank you to those who have made quite thoughtful comments. You unfortunately have not changed the viewpoint. As yet. The primary reason being almost all the replies, are some variation of ‘think of the kids’. Or ‘think of the child support.’ ‘Your goal is to absolve potential fathers of their fiscal responsibility.’ It is not. For those in this opposing camp, ask yourself; **at the point of conception, who has sole responsibility of the decision?** Then ask yourself; **Do you want this person to have more information? To make a better informed choice?** Or less? It is upon these two facts, that I have based this viewpoint. If you can find a cognisant, logical retort to these two facts, I’m more than willing to have my viewpoint changed. Again thank you to those who have debated in good faith, without the use of insults or sarcasm. Your participation in good faith is noticed, and wholeheartedly appreciated. ",,0,TheRedPillRipper,2023-12-06 22:18:14 PurplePillDebate,18bwy2c,Are women turned off more by guys being okay with their pasts than they let on?,"There is this talk on here about how women hate guys who judge them for having more lovers in their pasts and that they feel guys are insecure for not being okay with it. However, this doesn't track at all in my experience, because I have had a couple of girlfriends so far, where when I am perfectly fine with their pasts, they actually got turned off of me being okay with it, almost as if they wanted me to have a problem with it. When it came to sex I would ask my gfs to do certain things to me that they described doing to their past guys.  Some of the things they described got me turned on, and I wanted to encourage them to do those. However, both reacted like they were turned off at me asking to do something to me that was associated with past lovers. So I wonder, if woman want guys to be okay with their pasts, why would they get turned off at something like this, where the guy is very much okay with it therefore? Perhaps women are turned on by guys not being okay with their pasts, because that exerts masculinity, which a lot women find attractive?",,1,harmonica2,2023-12-06 05:31:54 PurplePillDebate,18b0lvb,Women are only “loney” if they choose to be,"Women are always talking about how they can be loney too and how many dont have as many options as we think. Yet we have a woman who went on the whatever podcast yesterday. She weights 400 pounds. She has a BF now. She had had 2 men offer to marry her. She says she has tons of men hitting her up On tinder. She said if she wanted to dump her BF she could have a new one in 5 minutes. This proves that female “ loneliness or dating problems are all fake”",,98,Spare-Estimate5596,2023-12-05 01:48:20 PurplePillDebate,18b3vun,Why do men let their gfs push them around?,"Nearly everyone of my friends who is in or was in a relationship basically let their girlfriends tell them when to hangout with them or what they were going to do, or they would bitch at them if they didn’t hangout. The worst part is I can see it plain as day but the guys don’t and either go along their girlfriends demands happily or just make them happy even if they would rather not. What’s weird is the girls never loose attraction like the red pill would have you believe. Was wondering if anyone else has noticed anything like this.",,54,BrightProduct5135,2023-12-05 04:36:45 PurplePillDebate,18b0lpo,What are realistic options / solutions for men who can not compete in today's dating market?,"I wanted to raise a discussion about solutions for men who can not compete in today's dating market. This is for men who can not realistically do things to increase their SMV and compete in the dating market. For example a man who is very short, ugly and lacks the intellect/competency to increase his financial status or other areas to the point he is attractive enough for women. What are the options or solutions for men like this? And I mean realistic options. I mean sure that man can get height surgery and facial reconstructive surgery but these aren't really realistic options given the costs and suitability for surgery. So for men like this what can they do? We know there is a mismatch in the dating market (with average women often ignoring their equivalent and seeking men above them) so men like this can not even date women on their level e.g. they can not date below average women as well. So simply ""lowering standards"" also really isn't a realistic option as well. &#x200B;",,61,ShelterNo2786,2023-12-05 01:48:08 PurplePillDebate,18b9jq2,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, etc... in this thread. Here you can post everything you don't think warrants it's own thread. Or just do some socialising. Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. &#x200B; If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,10,AutoModerator,2023-12-05 11:00:33 PurplePillDebate,18ax8sc,"It's honestly extremely based that society is just tearing apart at the seams and neolibs/bluepills are like ""Hell yea man, products to consume""","Posting this here because I was dying of laughter reading someone talking about the severe atomization of modern society on the scale of diminishing friendships and sex rates for both genders (statistically provable) only to be told by other people in this sub >Damn dude why don't you, like, touch grass bro Or >Wow, sounds like you're saying men need women to save them smh smh 💅💅 Like....are bluepillers happy with the current state of the world? Social atomization People with less and less friends Declining sex rates Declining birth rates Worsening rates of depression, anxiety, and suicidal behavior Worsening rates of severe drug addiction and overdoses And this isn't to mention things less evidently and directly dated to relationships and sex, like wealth inequality, international military competition, economic decay, accelerating ecological cataclysm I often talk about how boomers and Gen Xers that post here talk as if the 90s never ended, but when I really think about it, bluepillers as a whole do. They're almost all neoliberals in a technical sense, mostly not self-aware about it, and all also in denial that society is facing any sort of crisis at all. Is this genuinely their ideal society? Their ideal world? Is using fucking smartphones for the interwebz greater than all else? More about the worldview of bluepillers than dating",,84,Turbulent-Fig-3123,2023-12-04 23:11:56 PurplePillDebate,18anj80,Most advice targeted at men here is to make them wait until they are too old to do anything,"1. **approaching women while young?** *""stop bothering women and work on yourself, the right one will come along one day""* 2. **start hitting your 30s alone and inexperienced** *""lmao don't you have a lawn to mow, pops? why didn't you find a wife in your 20s?""* What is most striking about this women's/bluepill advice is how it mirrors the redpill one: the advice ""work on yourself"" doesn't explicitly instruct not to date before you achieve those 'goals', but its implication are nonetheless that women don't want you because you aren't ""self-actualized"" in neoliberal sense: not having the right career, the right education, the right social life, the right fit body, the right conversation skills, the right emotional intelligence... Imagine then a guy spending his 20/30s believing he is single and unable to get a date because he is unremarkable and lacking, restlessly improving and grinding, thinking to himself, I'm getting there one day... only to wake up in his late 30s single and inexperienced he certainly won't be in the same ""life stage"" as his dating pool of divorcees and single moms. The way male loneliness is explained is that men are lagging behind women and they need more ""self-improvement"" did at least partially make blakpill stuff like ""looksmaxxing"" go mainstream recently and its only gonna get more toxic I'm afraid.",,305,Napo_De_Leone,2023-12-04 16:12:43 PurplePillDebate,18bwzl0,Are men like Androids?,"I was rereading Philip K Dick’s book Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? and thinking more about who androids are and their essence. It talks about how androids don’t have empathy. Which is part of why they aren’t humans. Another interesting feature is that they can’t sense a presence of another human being. They don’t recognize consciousness…because they don’t have a real Self-consciousness (in a very much Hegelian sense). Yet, they don’t really know it because they don’t know what it feels like to be anything different. Yet, they want to be real and believe themselves to be real. They want to have subjectivity…to be fucking agents and thus pretend to be real. So they still want some amount of power. Kind of like men. Therefore, men are more similar to androids than women. Yeah, majority of men are empty creatures only powered through life by desire for sex, food, and power. Basic drives like androids. Androids don’t have empathy and neither do most men (because of their ego and pride). Neither of them have significant enough emotions to call it a state of consciousness. And lastly, men are always playing the role of a subject in dating, or at least try to when you don’t correct them. They want subjectivity so badly because they aren’t real in other ways (Emotions is what makes us feel like real humans, and neither men nor androids have them). And by subjectivity I mean agency. Something similar to free will, but not all the way there (it’s not free will). Because modern industrialized capitalistic society is pretty rough on human agency: most people don’t have any agency due to the nature of our society. The only way men are capable of getting that sense of agency is through the women they date. And yet, they aren’t willing to give that same agency/recognition to women. They (men) are Grinches when it comes to expanding energy on women. They try to expand as little energy as possible. If they pick you up and buy you dinner, then they won’t last longer than a minute in bed. And on and on. It’s almost as if they will vanish if they expand an ounce of emotional energy on you or have a genuine interest in what you read. Edit! Since so many people are confused, I’m not only talking about men versus women. I am mostly talking about men who exemplify masculine archetype qualities without having enough feminine qualities in their psyche to balance it out. Of course there have been plenty creative and sensitive men that became artists, poets, etc. I am talking about masculine men. Men who exemplify masculine archetypical qualities such as: efficiency, action, cold rationality, competitiveness, aggressiveness, manipulation/strategizing, etc. That’s the people whose consciousness is similar to the consciousness of androids. ",,0,Spirited-Reality-651,2023-12-06 05:34:23 PurplePillDebate,18b17y0,CMV: there should be divorce insurance,"So I just had an epiphany while sitting on the crapper. You know how life is risky and unpredictable. There’s a whole range of events that could happen that could need us to fork out yuuuge sums of money. That’s why we have health insurance in case we need medical care or car insurance incase our car gets wrapped around a tree. Well on PPPD I always see people discussing the risks of marriage and divorce rape and alimony and whatever. You never know when it might happen and you might lose all your stuff and have to pay alimony and child support forever. There should be insurance plans for this. The insurance company assesses your marriage and risk of divorce and how much you’d lose in such an event and then decides the premium based on this. You pay an annual amount but overall if you do end up getting divorced, it will cover associated costs. There will be different products, a comprehensive plan will cover all associated alimony costs and child support and asset division while a very basic plan just covers legal fees.",,12,dbz__f,2023-12-05 02:18:22 PurplePillDebate,18baa1w,[Science] Study: Marriage and the Economic Well-Being at Older Ages,"""Marriage and the Economic Well-Being at Older Ages""; Julie Zissimopoulos, Benjamin R. Karney, Amy J Rauer; March 2013; Review of Economics of the Household 13(1) (full text available): https://www.researchgate.net/publication/257644181_Marriage_and_the_Economic_Well-Being_at_Older_Ages Chosen excerpts: *""among continuously married men, about 60 percent of total wealth, including Social Security, pension and housing and non-housing wealth, comes from future claims on Social Security and pension wealth. For unmarried males (after one divorce) this percentage is 65 and is 67 for unmarried (after one divorce) females. Social Security and pension wealth is 74 percent of total wealth for never married women.""* *""once we consider Social Security and pension wealth, the mean wealth differences between married and unmarried (particularly never married women) respondents decrease... we find that the negative effect on wealth of being single (all types of singles) compared to being married declines substantially - by about 50 percent for never married women and divorced women with the inclusion of controls for future claims on pension and Social Security wealth.""* *""A limitation to these results is that expected Social Security and pension wealth may be underestimated for some categories of not married individuals, particularly not married women with a past divorce, who may be entitled to spousal benefits that could be larger than the amount she is entitled to based on her own labor earnings.""* *""In contrast to the results for men... the difference in wealth between these two groups of women [married/unmarried] declined substantially- by about 50 percent for never married women and divorced women- when adjusted for future claims on Social Security and pension benefits.""* This is exceptionally relevant to my long-standing point that introduction of social security (and its subsequent reforms) created a massive incentive for people to readjust their life decisions related to starting or maintaining a family, and locked the vast majority of married men in a role of surrogate husbands for not married women. This holds true even before we include granting ""spousal benefits"" to divorcees into the picture. And as we all know, people don't react to ideas; people react to incentives. And as another good person once said, *""the moment a man says 'I do', he enters into economic competition against divorced version of himself"".* The impact of pension and social security on financial well-being as a function of marital status can be looked at in ""Table 8—OLS Models of Wealth With Pension and Social Security Wealth"", by calculating the absolute effect of SS and pension (take ""Full w/ Pension + SS"" and subtract ""Full Model""): MEN, remarried after divorce: -3442,9 remarried after widowhood: -1581,9 remarried after 2 events: -3618,2 MEN, not married ever: 34627,5 after divorce: 33193,1 after widowhood: 32016 after 2 events: 31791,5 WOMEN, remarried after divorce: -3556,7 After widowhood: -3881,9 After 2 events: 226,1 WOMEN, NOT married ever: 73863,5 After divorce: 79824,8 After widowhood: 76371,8 After 2 events: 79637,8 Hope the disparity between ""Men, not married"" and ""Women, not married"" puts to rest the notion that ""well, men benefit from safety nets too"". Worth remembering that since social security system is entirely artificial, everything it does is by design. Surprising for me was the result that divorced women score **the lowest**, by a good margin, in financial literacy. Another point worth remembering is that at least part of this disparity can be explained by (as of yet) unstudied phenomenon of ""married people's solidarity"" - between three candidates, one clever, one talented, and one disciplined, a married boss will be biased to promote the one who is married. Edit: somewhat relevant to my older post: https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/13fts1a/some_scientific_results_on_worklifefertility/ Discuss.",,0,abaxeron,2023-12-05 11:48:52 PurplePillDebate,18ap9ff,Why do women friendzone guys who move slowly?,"Seems like my success skyrocket after becoming more sexually forward. But I'm not a sexually forward person. I need a level of comfort of a few dates first, but if my foot isn't on the gas I get the ""I don't feel enough chemistry to continue."" Here's my question: The most common complaint I hear from women is guys being sexually pushy and how they want to get to know someone first. But then those same women friendzone guys who move slowly. I'm confused?",,58,ElusiveCup,2023-12-04 17:30:22 PurplePillDebate,18amhde,The best advice for men when it comes to dating and relationships is to stop chasing and approaching women.,"I know some men won't want to hear this because they know there's a chance that if they stop approaching women, then they'll stop getting laid. But I think it's now time for men to collectively start looking beyond sex and getting attention from women and instead get some self respect and stop chasing and giving attention to people who don't actually even care about you as a person. I say this because, unfortunately, most women only like men for what they can get from them and how they make them feel, rather than who they are as people. The dating market for women is over saturated with men willing to jump through all kinds of hoops for sex and approval, so it's hard for women to actually appreciate men. Men have made themselves way too available to women and have approached and complemented them too much that women don't even really care anymore, even though the attention and complements still make them feel good about themselves. When looked at objectively, women don't really seem to care that much about men, so the relationship between men and women collectively is starting to look embarrassing for men. Men are tasked with intitiating, approaching women, being interesting and entertaining, paying for dates, providing, and so on. But women just show up expecting the man to pay and be entertaining, and yet most men actually feel happy with this arrangement because they're just glad that the woman is gracing them with her presence, meanwhile they're just another dude in her life who buys her stuff and entertains her .",,63,Agreeable-Moment-760,2023-12-04 15:24:21 PurplePillDebate,18b9jst,Why are women said to be more obedient than men and how this obedience trait could be related to the saying women are always right?,"The stuff that we usually hear that girls reach maturity early or women complain that there are fewer restrictions on boys or that girls are well behaved can be used to conclude that women are more obedient than men. The researches say otherwise but a simple explanation from [an article using various studies](https://www.psychologywizard.net/differences-in-obedience--prejudice-ao1-ao2-ao3.html) (which also says both genders have the same level of obedience) quotes ""Navarrete et al. (2012) offer an evolutionary theory called the ""Male Warrior Hypothesis"". They suggest that males have evolved to be hostile towards outsiders but females have evolved a ""tend-and-befriend"" response instead. Navarrete links this to behaviour in chimpanzees, where the males launch attacks on rival groups of chimps."" So how do you befriend someone? Show them respect, accept to some of their demands, try to impress them? Could it be confused with the definition of obedience (compliance with an order, request, or law or submission to another's authority.)? These do fit somewhat. Also, the saying ""women are always right"" which has been used as some jokes throughout our history is somewhat opposite to this nature of obedience (if they obey more shouldn't they also easily accept their mistakes to not upset others?) or Does it stem from this nature itself? How does this stem from the befriending nature that you ask or ponder? It could be attributed that if you want to be loved by someone badly, you will not want to upset them at any cost. So if you do something wrong, you will want to deny it outright not to be seen as a bad person as cited [here](https://econtent.hogrefe.com/doi/10.1024/2673-8627/a000019#:~:text=Results%20showed%20that%20females%20exhibit,Mclean%20%26%20Anderson%2C%202009) ""Results showed that females exhibit higher rejection sensitivity and interpersonal anxiety than males. In general, females appear to experience higher anxiety than males, and they are also more likely to develop anxiety disorders ."" &#x200B;",,2,thedarkracer,2023-12-05 11:00:40 PurplePillDebate,18aml25,Watching people be unaware of their type is funny.,"For people who have been actually paying attention to what I have said, I bring up a former friend of mine named Kelly. She always talks about how most men (other than her husband) aint shit, violent, cheats, etc. She never seems to acknowledge that she was once a drug addicted who picked men based on if they would pay for her drug habit. Of course, that would lead her to dating pimps, abusers, and even kidnappers. But apparently, she’d rather blame the whole male gender than the fact her addiction left her vulnerable to predators. I imagine this is similar to alot of guys in that they dont pay attention to what they’re doing, who they’re attracting, and who they’re attracted to. I wrote this before seeing this post (link below), but I think it also helps my point where people are focusing on who they choose to surround themselves with and thinking that’s the norm: [https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/189q4j1/comment/kbt3gky/](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/189q4j1/comment/kbt3gky/) Alot of the descriptions for the average modern women being criticized in PPD sounds alot like women who coast through life being pretty and guys just let them: Primadonnas, mean girls, the slutty party girls, e-girls, etc. The common themes I see: * She’s fucking alot of dudes. * She’s dating alot of objectively terrible guys (felon, druggie, bigot) etc. * She uses her body (looks and/or sex) to coast through life with ease. * She’s a shallow bitch who belittles men for superficial reasons. * She’s always demanding guys pay for dates and will use men solely for free meals. The really interesting thing is the classic AF/BB scenario. Assuming this isn’t a bullshit revenge fantasy, the claim is most women are fucking a bunch of hot guys and then manipulates some simp into becoming her husband to deal with her baggage. I have only seen men put up with women like the ones described here is when she’s extremely hot, so the guys look past her red flags to be with her. Also, I have said this: Whenever I do get proof of women being stuck up terrible bitches to men, it’s typically a very attractive e-girl, layers her face in makeup, decked out to the 9s, and has a profile talking shit about everyone and/or taking a fuckton of selfies admiring herself. And when I hear a bunch of guys saying most women want to be put on pedestals, it’s most likely because they keep going after women like this (Primadonnas, mean girls, the slutty party girls, e-girls, etc). Of course they act like that. They know you’re only chasing them because they're hot and you will put up with her shitty personality for a chance with her. A guy wrote a response to someone saying “I just want hot and easy girls, not the ones who waste my time playing games” and I think the explanation is really good: ***Yeah well, if she’s hot AND easy, then she is inherently going to play games to her advantage because she can afford too!*** ***She has what’s in hot demand. Casual sex with a gorgeous woman.*** ***What you think she should just yield that to you because you want it?*** ***What does she get out of it?*** ***If I was a hot woman interested in casual sex, I would make the men jump through hoops to get it too. Why the fuck would I give up a high demand product for free, especially that it’s more than likely once the man gets what he wants(an orgasm) he will broom her.*** ***That’s like asking Apple to give everyone the latest iPhone merely because they want it. Why the hell would they do that with no recompense?*** ***You want hot casual sex? Be prepared to deal with some bullshit then. Unless you’re such an attractive man that super hot women want to fuck you over other men to get themselves off.*** ***So your options are this:*** ***1) become the top 5% man. Get a good looking face, a pleasant tan, a nice haircut, good money, a charismatic fun attitude, good social skills and a cut physique. Then you will have attractive women all over the place looking to fuck you.*** ***2) compromise on what you want.*** ***There is no middle ground.*** I dont understand why guys keep doing this One-Size-Fits-All dating strategy if it’s not working for them. Like a couple of my guy friends did, you’d probably be better off looking into what particular type of woman you want and focus on what they want in a guy. Also, people generally don’t want to be around someone who will just take anyone.",,32,LillthOfBabylon,2023-12-04 15:29:24 PurplePillDebate,18apd2d,Doesn't it seem like these days men's perception of other men is getting better?,"Back in the day, men would tell their gfs or sisters stuff like: ""Stay away from that dude. I know how men are"" But ever since the social media ""gender war"", even men's perception of other men is changing for the positive. Back in the day, men who didn't want casual sex were shunned, but these days men acknowledge in each other that men want true love and relationships. I hear more and more men being open about not wanting casual sex. Men are being praised for getting good girls and having beautiful relationships Men are more open to their girlfriend's and sisters having male friends, because men know that we men aren't just some ""lustful crazed beings"". So yeah, doesn't it seem like men's perception of other men is getting better?",,16,Consistent-Gur6932,2023-12-04 17:34:54 PurplePillDebate,18aqncw,"Women, I have questions","I’ve found that women often become defensive when questioned or critiqued by men. Even if the man isn’t necessarily saying something that is offensive about you in particular. Is this a conscious approach or does it happen inherently? Do you realize how this may be looked at as a negative by men when it comes to dating? Do you find that more often than not, women are more combative than before with men or is that a fallacy? Do you feel like men and women are unnecessarily at odds in dating and in life? You can answer objectively or subjectively. I would also love anecdotal experiences and maybe personal account of the changes or lack there of in the overall interaction between men and women in and out of a dating environment Before anyone says it, I understand that you don’t like me from previous posts please don’t let that make you start insulting me instead of answering lol. But yes, I’m surely asking because many women take my posts negatively and somewhat personally and I don’t intend for it to be",,13,Ackee_an_Salfish,2023-12-04 18:30:07 PurplePillDebate,18bel7f,Why are so many men obsessed with being the top guy when they know most men will never be the top guy?,"Why are so many men obsessed with being the top guy when they know most men will never be the top I never understood this mindset and it seems to be a setup for failure. Also, it seems the guys who envy the top guy the most are the guys doing worse with women than the average guy. They even show “proof” that woman dont find 80% of men appealing, so why are you trying to use your looks to get women if you’re so desperate for a woman? And the desire to only want hookups makes this even worse, because time and time again, its been proven that hookup culture is very lopsided because women do not like hookups that much. Most women try it once, hated it, and dont do it again. Not only do these wants to be the guy that most can never be, they want to participate in a culture most guys barely have luck in? I dont see the point if having these high expectations just to be met with disappointment, especially when the alleged goal is to get women to like them. How are they going to do that by chasing the top guy life when theyre not the top guy? If getting a woman to like them is the goal, shouldn’t they want to look up to normal bottom 80% guys who obtained much easier goals and success? The only thing that makes sense to me is that these guys never liked women. They admired guys who get women to flock to them and fuck them with ease, not having to “waste time” getting to know women. Perhaps they dont want to be the guy who socialized with average chicks to get sex and love from one of them. Perhaps they dont want to put in the effort to get to know an ordinary woman and only want to fuck hot girls they dont have to care about.",,0,LillthOfBabylon,2023-12-05 15:36:18 PurplePillDebate,18b4djv,"If recording random men and putting them on the internet to be ridiculed is ok, how do you feel about creepshots?","I made this post after reading that post about the female that recorded an awkward man and he got blasted on the internet for his “creepiness” None of the female commentators seemed to upset that a man was being recorded without his consent and then plastered on the internet for the world to see Now if this is okay then I’m guessing creepshots of girls of legal age would also be okay? I mean guys shouldn’t need consent to film or take photos of females in public and put them on the internet, right?",,0,Ass-a-holic,2023-12-05 05:04:02 PurplePillDebate,18ask9z,Does your insight into sexual dynamics apply to “most” or “nearly all?”,"For people who believe in the red pill, do you think your understanding of how women work apply to nearly all women? Or just most women? Followup questions for those who believe it applies to “nearly all” women: 1. What convinces you that such sweeping generalizations make sense? 2. Why is there no room for significant interpersonal variability? Consider how different you are from your relatives, your parents, your own flesh and blood. Why wouldnt significant numbers of women deviate from your understanding of their behaviors or patterns? Followup questions for those who believe it applies to “most” women: 1. There is a tinge of hurt, and betrayal in the red pill. Reality is supposedly harsh no? So if you only believe most women represent this harsh reality, why harp on it? Why not focus on women you like? 2. If its a numbers game, why act based on the “majority” if the majority is so depressing for you? Why not play the lesser, but happier odds? 3. Dont you think reasoning that most women need excitement, and then playing games with them, “keeping them on their toes” will simply only net you the very women that cause you to feel that disdain? Like if a minority of women dont want to play games, you doing so would just push them away.",,5,grillopie,2023-12-04 19:51:02 PurplePillDebate,18ao0ah,How many women have you asked out?,"How many women in the last 12 months have you asked on a date? To clarify, I don’t mean just matching on a dating app or vaguely talking to a crush. I mean actually asked out on a date. Of those, how many accepted and how many rejected?",,10,[deleted],2023-12-04 16:34:33 PurplePillDebate,18ap7ut,"No, men are not ""creating single moms""","I read people commenting, saying that ""men should stop creating single moms"", usually as a response to criticism of single motherhood. Those users are ignoring the huge power women have in reproduction and choice. I notice that society loves to put responsibility on men that they don't have or cannot control. Think about the many privileges and rights women have on choice and reproduction, and yet men are asked to ""not create single moms"" with a straight face LOL: 1. They have plenty of men to choose. They can choose the guys that are responsible and actually want to have children. 2. Women have almost all birth control options. 3. Women complain that some states have no right to abort, but when they do women have the right to abort while men cannot legally abort. We are supposed to think abortion ban is ""men controlling women"" while in fact men have basically no say in any case when it is about killing babies. 4. Women can give to adoption the kid with almost no social repercussions. Men can't disavow such responsibility. 5. Women can practice infanticide with fewer legal consequences. A lot of times the guy did not even want to have children, but she disregarded it and had the child anyway. It makes sense for those men to not be so invested in a child they did not want. Single moms are creating themselves.",,3,Amiskon2,2023-12-04 17:28:25 PurplePillDebate,18a80uk,"Paternity tests should not be used as a weapon against opposite sex, but as a logical progression of rights","Truth is that women have always had the privilege to know the child they had is theirs. Except in cases the baby was swapped, women always had the guarantee they are the parent of the baby. If you observe carefully, technology is also an equalizer. War weapons have also equalized strength of men, so basically open-field combat is obsolete now. Machines made heavy work mostly made by machines, rendering the advantage of strength only marginal, which is positive for people who are weaker but also to prevent strong men and animals from being exploited. This shift is also what made women move further into the work force into jobs that made more sense when strength was a huge advantage, but since machines changed that, women can also work in those positions. In the same token, technology has provided women with tools of self-defense that are equalizers, which means a lot of women can defend themselves effectively using them, instead just relying only on authorities or men. Not to mention the huge advantage of smart phones and other communication tools, that make us way safer overall, in the sense we can call authorities or family as needed. Technology, therefore, it is an equalizer. Paternity test should be seen as an equalizer too, not as a tool to expose cheating women or shame them, although of course the consequence can be shame, the point is for men to have the same right most women have though history... to know they child they have is theirs. Tests have also already evolved to detect conditions of all kind in babies, to quickly provide for them medical assistance and treatments. Tests are already standard, and paternity tests can just add this right to fathers to know the child they have is theirs 100%, and also for the children to know the parent they have is theirs and prevent later involuntary inbreeding with close biological family, have access to biological close father that can donate tissue, etc. If the paternity test is standard practice, then there is no need for women to feel their partner is distrusting her. In the same token, most women also don't want their brothers or sons to raise kids that are not theirs and are products of adultery or cheating, so I think most women can agree with this from including the perspective of the men their love in their lives. **TLDR**: I'm sure sometimes paternity tests are used to ""scare"" women, but truth is that the technology is a win win for men, women and children, just as other tests and medical advances, and also it is an extension of a right that women had but men didn't. Less resentful men, children knowing for sure who their father is, medical advantages of having access to close donators, more paternity rights, etc.",,76,EuphoricBrightTipper,2023-12-04 00:39:57 PurplePillDebate,18akbew,"How common are men having ""parallel families""?","I've seen here on PPD several times women parrying paternity test discussions with notion of ""parallel families"" - i.e. married men having and raising children with their mistresses and supporting them financially. I could not find a single scientific paper investigating this phenomenon. Apparently such behavior has never been even attempted to prosecute under monogamy laws (all court cases on monogamy I could find were members of religious communities demanding being allowed to have several spouses; many of the plaintiffs women). While Yes, many men nowadays engage in extramarital sex, and many happen to have ""oopsie babies"" sometimes, I couldn't find any evidence pointing out what share of these men is married and bleeding their resources into raising the illegitimate child. Meanwhile, we have at least one meta-study investigating rates of non-paternity events not only among general population, but also a ""relatively high confidence"" subset of it. https://www.researchgate.net/figure/Nonpaternity-Rates-When-Paternity-Confidence-Is-Relatively-High_tbl1_246396004 If there is no estimate of how common ""parallel families"" are, I think it's safe to consider this scenario a purely hypothetical, made-up ""gotcha"". Discuss!!! EDIT: 21 hours in; thus far all we have is anecdotes.",,3,abaxeron,2023-12-04 13:34:51 PurplePillDebate,18ah17x,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, etc... in this thread. Here you can post everything you don't think warrants it's own thread. Or just do some socialising. Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. &#x200B; If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,7,AutoModerator,2023-12-04 10:00:28 PurplePillDebate,189vmb7,"Man gets caught looking at a woman in public, gets his face posted on TikTok with thousands now labeling him a ""creep"""," *""no one said you can't look at a woman! you are just being paranoid!!""* [turns out we're already there.](https://www.tiktok.com/@chloemmaarsh/video/7308686819606973728/) what makes this case exceptionally bad is that it [started a trend](https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGeRfWufB/) with the men going viral having their faces posted and being subject to mass mockery and humiliation by strangers online. Women outing men that hit on them while at work just trying to do their job is one thing, but this is next level: she isn't at her job nor is he hitting on her. It is a slippery slope as it is an attempt to stigmatize what used to fall outside ""sexual harassment"" definitions and most people (even on PDD) had you believe its a fringe mindset of neurotic radfems. the guy getting his face plastered on social media as ""the creepy guy on the bus"" with people calling him a predator , creep or pervert is absolutely wild when tiktok is full of videos of young women hemselves admitting they do this too *""[how I keep staring at a stranger when he's cute](https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGeRfv9po/)"".*",,204,Napo_De_Leone,2023-12-03 15:18:44 PurplePillDebate,18a4ff2,What really changed,"First of all, I'm not going to take credit for this idea, it came from my wife during a conversation as we were reading comments to me here in this sub. What's really changed is that we've taken the idea of independence and exaggerated it to the point where it's nothing more than a comical exaggeration of what real independence looks like. When she and I were raised, we were both taught to laud the independence of women. It was in school, it was in media, it was everywhere. However, unlike the independence of today, both sexes were also taught that they needed each other to be whole. A man wasn't complete without a wife and children, and woman wasn't complete without a husband and children. We were both raised with the value that men and women are equal, and like many we even had ""obey"" removed from our wedding vows, as even 30+ years that struck us as an ugly anorchism. She's a professional, and I'm a tradesman. She certainly didn't ""need no man"" but she wanted one and I turned out to be that guy. I did well enough on my own that I didn't need a woman, but in like, I wanted one. We were both looking for the person to complement the other, and we found it. That's what's changed. No one is looking for the complementary person to share their life anymore. You see men here (this sub) looking to turn back the clock so they can dominate women, because they believe the only way they'll get a woman is if society gives women no choice in the matter, and sadly many are so intrinsically selfish they'd snap up that deal in a heartbeat. You see women here looking to check off boxes, not looking for a human being, but rather a personal assistant who pays them instead of vice versa. TLDR; You've created an adversarial system where neither side will ever be happy. Change my view if you can.",,52,Bikerbats,2023-12-03 21:51:46 PurplePillDebate,18a4jip,Do women look down on men who approach them?,"I sometimes approach girls I like, and they are polite, and I get the number 50% of the time, and about 5% of the time it turns into a talking stage. None have become my girlfriend, but 5% ain't bad, I'll take it However, I always feel like I'm her inferior. Is it okay for a guy to approach? Like is that in our nature? Or will I seem like I have ""lower social status"" than her because I'm the one who approaches",,40,Consistent-Gur6932,2023-12-03 21:57:01 PurplePillDebate,18ba34l,The loneliness epidemic is a myth,"Dating isn't hard for the significant majority of people. The average person gets their first kiss at 15. The average person loses their virginity at 17. [The idea of widespread male sexlessness simply isn't true.](https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/the-ideal-number-of-sexual-partners-for-men-women) Go outside and you'll see all types of people in relationships. You'll see pretty and ugly people holding hands, thin and fat, tall and short, well-dressed and poorly dressed, smelly and perfumed, smart and dumb, kind and cruel. I occasionally volunteer at a soup kitchen and I literally see homeless men and women in relationships there. I used to go to a mental health support group and people with BPD, schizophrenia, social anxiety, etc were in relationships. In that mental health support group I was the odd one out with no relationship experience. All of these ""pills"" including the blue pill, red pill, and black pill just seem so silly after seeing this stuff. Dating is literally effortless for the majority of people. Even obese people with mental illnesses just live life and accidentally fall into relationships, yet there's whole hordes of internet people writing essays and reading endless scientific studies to try and figure out how to min-max getting dates, with barely any results to show for it. But it's all worthless when the average person just does it with literally no effort. The idea of a loneliness epidemic is a myth spread in order to escape from personal responsibility. Lonely people want to pretend that our issues are caused by broader societal issues. We want to pretend that it's not our fault. We want to pretend that our issues are the norm. We want to escape from the truth that we're freakishly small outliers. Which makes sense, because accepting personal responsibility amplifies self hatred. But just because it hurts doesn't mean it isn't true. The truth is that our issues aren't societies fault, they're our own fault. I'm not saying this from an outside perspective, so I'm not externally trying to shit on you, I'm with you. I do have issues with loneliness, but I blame it on no one except myself. I'm a shitty person who will never be loved, and it's entirely my fault, not the world's. &#x200B;",,0,SmoothForest,2023-12-05 11:36:01 PurplePillDebate,18a4k84,"Do you agree with the following phrase? ""Men protect their emotional sanctity the same way women protect their sexual sanctity?""","I personally found this phrase very spot on, the kind of thing that puts into words something you hadn't manage to properly express, but that you had in your mind for a long time. A variation of this that I've also heard was: ""Emotions are to women, what sex is to men."" The same way women tend to be more shamed by society as """"""""""""""too easy"""""""""""""""" or """"""""""""low value"""""""""" for sleeping with many dudes, I feel that we men are shamed or at least looked down by both other men and women for ""opening up too easily"" or being ""too emotional"". As if we were ""emotional sluts"" in a way. I've read stories on the internet about men feeling ""used up"" when they gave in to the pressure of opening up about their feelings to their GF or fling before being actually comfortable about doing so. This seems eerily similar to the women that feel ""used"" when they realize the guy they were seeing was just interested in some quick sex, or when they gave in to the pressure of sleeping with the guy when they didn't really feel like it. Despite the ""sexual liberation"" occurred in recent decades regarding women's sexual activities, and the increasing demand to men to open up about their feelings, the truth is that lots of people still (even if subconsciously) apply old standards. Many men say they don't care about women's body count, but in reality they kind of do. Many women say that they would love that men open up to them about their feelings, only to be disgusted and even appalled when they actually do. I guess it's just another case of dissonance between what society claims to want versus what it actually wants from people; plus another expression of how selfish and self centred people of both sexes can be with their demands: some men wanting both a ""pure"" woman and a woman that can perfectly please them in bed, and some women wanting both a ""sensitive"" man but only in regards to HER feelings and a man with no doubts, fears nor insecurities of his own. In other words, some men want to ""exclusively possess and use"" their GFs/wives' sexuality, and some women want to ""exclusively possess and use"" their BFs/husbands' emotions. I find interesting how men and women's problems tend to be kind of ""the other side of the coin"" between each other. ",,17,bruhholyshiet,2023-12-03 21:57:56 PurplePillDebate,189y8y3,Why do women in general prefer being an orbiter of a high value man over being in a relationship with a lower value man?,"Women would rather be in a high value man's rotation of women rather than be in a exclusive relationship with a man who is technically at her looks level. This is likely a significant factor in why so many men are single. I'm not saying this just in theory but personally as well, women in my rotation are aware and okay with being there rather than seeking out a fullfilling and exclusive relationship with lower value men. Why are women okay with being essentially cucks?",,31,jacked_degenerate,2023-12-03 17:22:40 PurplePillDebate,18a46wj,Nice guys/gals don’t finish last people with unhealthy dating patterns do.," Nice guys finish last and the bad boy gets the girl is a narrative as old as time, and there’s some truth to it. I believe people who make these observations have a very superficial view on the situation. In the immediate it seems like the unhealthy option “wins” the girl, but what happens in the long term? Women who chase unable men usually had unavailable fathers. These women fall into a cycle of abuse chasing the affection of a partner who runs hot and cold like a drug addict chasing the highs and lows of the relationship. While the “nice guy” if he doesn’t bitter turn has the chance to a meet “nice girl” Some of these women have children with unavailable partners and are abandoned by these men. I wouldn't call that winning. A lot of the so-called bad boy traits are indications of narcissism which leads to further abuse. Men who try to “save” women usually fall into Co-dependency. Men who are unable to set boundaries become doormats and the worst-case scenario is they raise another man's child. The authentically nice people when they find another nice person win because they have the best shot at a healthy relationship. Build yourself up and stay authentically nice.",,9,simplywebby,2023-12-03 21:41:24 PurplePillDebate,189zf0l,Is it true that women's standards for casual are higher than her standards for a relationship?,"There have been threads on here about how guys have to lie to women to get sex and make it seem like they are interested in more than just sex.  However, I find this to be contradictory to what other threads talk about on here where guys say that women are not interested in relationships and want to be riding the 'c#ck carousel'. But if it's true that a lot of women want to keep riding that, then how come guys have to lie to a woman in order to get sex, when they can just go for the carousel riders instead? I bet the response to this I am going to get is, because the women only want to ride the carousel if it's with 'Chads' and not average guys. But this makes me wonder, if average guys have to lie to most women to get sex, whereas Chads do not, this means that women have higher standards for one night stands, than they do for dating. But this seems so backwards to me if this is true.  When it comes to guys, their standards for a relationship are higher than for one night stands or casual sex.  So why are women flipped to where their standards for casual or higher, than for dating?  Unless I am wrong?",,15,harmonica2,2023-12-03 18:15:46 PurplePillDebate,189q4j1,Are assumptions around women based on lack of exposure?,"This is based off a skit by Brett Cooper where she pretends to meet a modern day woman as a 50s housewife. This “modern” woman: - Has OF - Bragged about sleeping with endless men and making an abortion part of her morning routine (basically the entire skit was that modern women are all ridiculously promiscuous) - Something about being on endless medication for mental health I couldn’t be arsed to sit through the whole thing so I may be missing stuff, feel free to fill me in if you’ve seen it. But it made me wonder if any of them have actually met many women? If you live somewhere like Miami or LA sure you’re bound to meet a lot of OF women and sex workers but that isn’t indicative of the rest of the world. It seems to align with views here: men acting like every other woman is doing sex work or being flown out to Dubai or have an endless roster of men. Your average modern woman does not do sex work, have endless sexual partners (women average 7 in a lifetime, men average 8). The median age for marriage for women is 28 which implies she was in a serious relationship for at least a couple years prior. I consider myself modern and I’m 23 and engaged. I have a pretty wide circle of female/acquaintances friends from school, uni and work, most are in LTRs and those who are single are just living their lives and not hooking up with a new man every week. I live in a capital city btw so I’m hardly living in some bubble. This kind of content that gets put out only represents a very specific demographic of women which has led people to believe they are far more common than they are. Kind of like the Whatever podcast which exclusively has guests who are college students who do OF or are very open about being promiscuous. So if you’re someone who doesn’t have many female friends or just women in your life, there would be little to contradict your purview that this is what the typical ‘modern’ woman gets up to. Also, 50s housewives were off their tits on amphetamines and anxiety meds: https://www.drugwise.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/Mothers-little-helper.pdf https://publicdomainreview.org/collection/the-relaxed-wife-1957/ The inverse is also true. There’s so much misogynistic content it’s easy to believe all guys want 18 year old virgins and think women are inferior or used up after having sex. I have enough men in my life I know that’s absolutely not the case. Most guys are pretty normal and don’t believe women expire at 25 and actually love their gfs/wives and want a collaborative partnership, not a yes man. ",,71,AdhesivenessLevel379,2023-12-03 09:35:44 PurplePillDebate,189sut6,Why do women expect equality in decision making but not equality in paying for things or completing house tasks?,"I see plenty of women saying that the want equality say in everything. They rather not take a submissive role in a relationship but those very same women still a man to do all of the hard tasks around the house and also help with the easy ones? In a relationship with no kids, what duties are more generally expected for women to do? Cooking, washing dishes, sweeping, wiping down surfaces are what I can come up with while men are expected to take care of the car, move anything, hang everything, clean the gutters, take out and bring in trash, mow the lawn, irrigate the lawn, replace anything that needs to be replaced, pay bills. Plus men are often asked to help with the tasks I listed for women. How does this split not put men in a role of service to the woman? I like using the class project analogy: you and another student are tasked with completing a project that is 100% of your class grade. Your “partner” does 10% of the work while you do the other 90%. You and you partner are at odds about a decision about the project, do you feel that your partner should have equal authority over the project? When you hand in the project, if you both get an A, did you collaborate to make an A project or did you perform an act of service to get your partner an A? My thoughts are: your input into the project should directly correspond to how much of a say you have in the matter. Pretty much the same in a relationship. If you put up 30% of everything that has to be paid for, you can have a 30% say in the decision making about shit we pay for. If you pay for nothing, and do very little around the house(doing dishes, sweeping, etc for two ppl is NOTHING in the grand scheme of taking care of a house), then you need to compensate by being agreeable, submissive and peaceful. Imagine paying for someone’s entire life and them telling you “I don’t like these couches, we need to get new ones” and then being mad and saying they should have equal say in the matter after you told them “no”.",,17,Ackee_an_Salfish,2023-12-03 12:49:33 PurplePillDebate,189uynr,Is it possible to be attracted by personality alone ?,"Months ago I was getting hit on by a coworker who pretented she was capable of being only attracted by a male's personality. That she was able to completely ignore his physical attributes. &#x200B; At first I thought she was joking, but she insisted and told me she had a relationship with a disabled person. I was even more confused. Like wtf is the point of comparing physical attraction to being disabled ? I really do think she was honestly convinced of what she was saying. &#x200B; What do you think of this ? Do you think it's possible to discard completely someone's looks and only focus on his personality ? I obviously think attraction is a combination of both factors. Some people put more emphasis on one or the other. But I don't think one could be entirely ignored.. &#x200B;",,10,LaTableEstBasse,2023-12-03 14:46:15 PurplePillDebate,189j1d4,"Trendline established, as of 2023 top 5% responsible for 50% of all sex; sexual loneliness seen as public health concern","* Acknowledges the marked disparity between male and female attention received on apps * Acknowledges the real health concerns that arise due to sexual loneliness * Acknowledges that ignoring the problem will just lead to an increase in violence and extremism * Acknowledges a trend from 2002-2023 that has concentrated sexual activity further into smaller groups * Acknowledges that the inequality for men dating is roughly on par with the worst and most unequal countries in the world * Interestingly, posits that women have a gini of .58 compared to male .60. This seems inconsistent with admitting the differential in attention received by women and men on dating apps. [https://www.researchgate.net/publication/367325876\_Sexual\_loneliness\_A\_neglected\_public\_health\_problem](https://www.researchgate.net/publication/367325876_Sexual_loneliness_A_neglected_public_health_problem) Edit: OP is a little click-baitey, the top 5% stat is actually from a 2010 study regarding the concentration and distribution of sex. The studies showing an increasing concentration of sex partners among the top % of men ran from 2002-2012, so it's still unknown how much that distribution has further shifted.",,89,SeveralLiterature980,2023-12-03 02:07:46 PurplePillDebate,189rmld,Who does it benefit to say “people on medication are a red flag”?,"Seriously, has no one thought how fucking stupid it is to be vocal about avoiding people on medications? If you already have a problem with how crazy people are, why would make those people feel bad about trying to reach out for help? The main reason these people are on medication is because they werent doing well on their own. By spreading this “people on medication are red flag” mindset, people will think its better to keep pretending theyre normal and hide their problems until an avoidable tragedy happens. “People can like who they want.” Why do you have to be a vocal asshole about it? To feel superior to people with mental health problems? How low is your self esteem? We should be encouraging people to reach out and seek help for their problems, not telling them theyre undesirable for doing so. Would it be better if people self-medicate their issues with drugs, alcholol, and unsafe sex? Im glad my family listened to my cousin’s cries for help before she turned to alcoholism to deal with her depression. Or maybe we were wrong and she would have been less of a red flag being an alcoholic. ",,14,LillthOfBabylon,2023-12-03 11:27:15 PurplePillDebate,189m2pp,"As long as women expect men to pay for dates, men will always expect something in return.","This seems so simple and obvious, and yet many women don't seem to understand it. If you expect a man to pay for a date and he does, he's obviously going to expect something in return because he's not giving to charity. When people spend money, they expect something in return, and in the context of dating, men will expect sex, or a second date and so on. Intelligent women understand this, and therefore they pay for their own stuff on a date so as to not get the man to expect anything. Unfortunately, an insane number of women don't think like this. They seem to be so self-centred and focused on getting what they want from a man that they never stop to think about how he feels or what he may expect in return. Some women actually think if a man pays for a date then he really likes them and won't just use them for sex, which is stupid. You would think that considering history, women today would want to pay for themselves on dates and be independent and not need a provider, unlike women in the past who had no choice but nope. It's 2023 and plenty of women still choose to be dependent on men, and they think this is empowering just because the men spend money on them, and yet they're surprised when these men expect things in return.",,36,Agreeable-Moment-760,2023-12-03 04:58:53 PurplePillDebate,18adx1v,niceness is not a virtue nor is it an indicator of goodness.,"Niceness as an attribute is inherently self-serving and not an indicator of moral goodness. To be nice means to tend to others’ needs for your own self purpose, whether it be to get others to like you or to get something out of them. Ergo, niceness isn’t an indicator of one’s honest thoughts or feelings, a nice person is usually more concerned with accommodating somebody else than doing what’s right, good or kind. “so may aswell be an asshole” someone might say, and this exactly is why the ‘nice guy’ is not actually good - he is unable to see the folly of his own actions. At least the asshole takes what he wants and shows a backbone, the nice guy expects to get something as a reward for being accommodating. Plus, not to mention, the fact that he views goodness as a means to an end is an indicator of it not being a virtue (just as anybody who is ‘nice’, it hardly is ever an indicator of goodness) now, you can be nice and good, or nice and kind - as they don’t really contradict each other, though niceness alone is amoral and is often a means to an end. With all that being said, what’s the difference between nice and kind? a nice person is accommodating first and foremost, usually for the sake of getting something back. A kind person can be accommodating, sure, but kindness also shows a good natured will for others, ie. expecting nothing in return other than the well being of those you are being kind to. Plus, a kind person is more likely (though not always) to have a backbone and know when to back away, where as a nice person only backs away because they’re told to. In other words, niceness is a means to an end, and it can be selfish and dishonest if used for the hope of a reward. Plus, it can be patronizing and disrespectful, like you’re willing to be so accommodating that you’re willing to treat those around you as emotionally incapable.",,0,KayRay1994,2023-12-04 06:05:15 PurplePillDebate,189e04c,"Why do some women object to the stat that women find 80% unattractive, if they also say there aren't enough quality men?","Something I've noticed on social media. Any time you see the stat about 80% of men being unattractive, I'll see women make comments and videos about that stat is wrong, its misleading, it's based on a flawed study. I will also see videos, post in reddit forums, articles and even news reports about women not finding enough quality men. Which is it? Am I missing something?",,98,bison5595,2023-12-02 21:47:23 PurplePillDebate,189wy6p,Q4W: How do you feel about other women defending passport bros?,"When I first saw this video, I didn't really know how to react. https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT8P37kRs/ On the one hand, it's a woman speaking her mind based on her experience - **which I fully support!** On the other hand, she was defending passport bros, of which I am not a huge fan. She was basically defending herself against other women for various comments they have made (why must we tear each other down). *""Overseas women are uneducated, can't speak English, born to be maids""* *""Passport Bros are all broke""* *""It's just a racial fetish""* *""They're all just looking for a woman to manipulate""* Etc How do other ladies on here feel about her post? Internalized misogyny? Is she blinded because she got lucky and her situation worked out ok?",,2,Windmill_flowers,2023-12-03 16:22:35 PurplePillDebate,189pc2k,"Saying someone has a ""good"" or ""bad"" personality is a very dumb thing to say","First of all, your ""personality"" is comprised of over 170 recognizeable different traits if not more. Everyone has very different aspects to their personality that change depending on your mood, genetics, environment and various other factors. Even the most comprehensive test for supposedly identifying overlapping and consistent personality characteristics like myers-briggs, still have various flaws in their analytical methodology and are deemed unreliable for a number of reasons. Given the fact that personality encompasses so many different traits, is highly nuanced and subject to change, it's very dumb and brash to pass judgements on people by labeling their personality as good or bad as if you are the moral arbitor. I've noticed this is a common trend among lowbrow people who like to label others as having a ""bad"" personality. (all while thinking their personality is top notch, amazing and one of a kind)",,9,steliogural,2023-12-03 08:36:21 PurplePillDebate,18a2qlo,60% of Millennial women are already nearly infertile. And 80% of childless women regret not having kids. Is this why more women are crying on TikTok than ever before?,"Millennial women are those born between 1980 and 1994 and 35 is an established cut-off for fertility. In reality infertility starts ramping up at 30. Only 6% of Millennial women are still under age 30. So for the vast majority of Millennial women the ship has already sailed. I’m wondering if this is the first sign of the great tipping point where reality starts to settle in for women. There will eventually be a tipping point where a majority of women from a generation can no longer have babies. Since men’s fertility is unaffected by this, men just just date down. Perhaps this is also why the most educated demographic of women (older white women) are also the [largest consumers of antidepressants](https://wilewomen.com/blogs/journal/why-are-mostly-white-american-women-over-40-the-biggest-antidepressant-market-on-earth-and-why-are-we-ok-with-it). Let's consider the facts: * A childless post 30’s woman has about 70 years to live out a life of diminishing looks and dopamine hookups from hedonism. * Post hookup 20’s - a portion of her friends circle will not be able to do girls night out anymore. Essentially your female friends prioritize their children over you. * The guys that are left are either losers (your words not theirs) or serial players. The A players got married early or continued being Hugh Hefter with younger women. The B players were probably selected as stable providers. No man in his 40s has any reason to compromise his bachelor lifestyle with commitment to an infertile post peak looks woman.",,0,giveuporfindaway,2023-12-03 20:40:35 PurplePillDebate,1894f1l,"CMV: Most young guys struggle in dating because of the society and time we live in, not because of themselves","I know it probably sounds very entitled and immature to say ""I'm not the problem, society is"", but when it comes to dating, there are a lot of factors that affect dating today that our ancestors simply didn't have to deal with. Of course, a lot of guys struggle in dating because they're just shitty people or undesirable, but I also think there are a lot of otherwise well-adjusted men who simply struggle because of the age we live in. The first and most obvious one is social media and dating apps. Obviously dating apps are bad for men because it overwhelms women with an abundance of options, but social media has also caused a lot of problems as well. If you simply dislike social media, or don't have a lot of posts, followers, etc, this is usually a huge red flag for women, and they won't date you because of it. On top of that, beauty standards for men have never been higher. Do you think your grandma in the 1950s cared if her man was above six foot tall or had six pack abs and a sharp jawline? That's not to say you can't get a relationship if you aren't tall and ripped, but the beauty standards for men nowadays are definitely way higher than they were in the past. If you look at who was considered handsome in the early - mid 20th century, most of them were men who were averagely built and had average height. Then, there's the economic aspect. A man's economic status and finance is very important to women, but we live in an era in which wages are stagnating while everything else is getting more expensive. A college degree doesn't necessarily guarantee a good job, meanwhile boomers could support a family with just a high school diploma. How are men these days ever supposed to get a relationship if they can't make enough money to be a good provider? A lot of older guys can attest to this, I've seen so many guys who say ""I'm glad I found my gf/wife before social media and dating apps, the dating scene is a mess these days"" and they're absolutely right. ",,236,Glass_Bucket,2023-12-02 14:03:58 PurplePillDebate,189hr51,Why do some men demand obedience over collaboration in a marriage?,"**I'm curious about the thinking of a man who believes his wife should be obedient to him.** For the sake of the discussion, there are two ways to go about a relationship: The first - a man takes the lead and the woman must obey him as the sole leader of the family. The second - the man and woman both lead and collaborate on a shared vision for the family. By definition: * Obedience is compliance with an order, request, or law or submission to another's authority. * Collaboration is the action of working with someone to produce or create something. My questions: * What uniquely qualifies a man to be the authority? * What uniquely qualifies a woman to be subservient? * What makes obedience superior to collaboration? * What are the drawbacks to collaboration? Why is it inferior? I'm simply interested in hearing thoughts.",,23,TenaciousVillain,2023-12-03 00:57:15 PurplePillDebate,189diua,"Why divorce rates initiate by woman are so high, even on lesbian marriages?","Gay man marriage have divorce rates of 25% Men and woman marriage have divorce rates of 50% Lesbian woman marriages have divorce rates of stunning 75%. Also domestic violence (reported ones) are 50% higher on lesbian marriages. This is all just coincidence? Looks like mens are way more loyal than women, based on statistics.",,44,voidvoices,2023-12-02 21:24:29 PurplePillDebate,189pndb,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, etc... in this thread. Here you can post everything you don't think warrants it's own thread. Or just do some socialising. Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. &#x200B; If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,4,AutoModerator,2023-12-03 09:00:20 PurplePillDebate,1896vuz,The dating market is saturated for men,"There is perfect competition and no barriers of entry. As you may know in the west; any man can date any woman as long as they are both over the age of 18. For men it’s a relentless corporate rat race where everyone is undercutting each other and pressing the margins to the floor. There isn’t much profit to gain and many are just trying to stay afloat without putting too much effort into their business (their dating life). It also doesn’t help that the customers (women) on the market, are incredibly price-sensitive. They want the highest quality product whilst also paying the least amount of money for said product, which results in the businesses pressing their prices to the floor and making the margins ever so tiny. It’s truly brootal. Either as a business you press your prices (your standards), to the bottom and date women you don’t see any future with, or you keep your prices at the margins level you want and get eaten up by your competitors who lowers their price. Damned if you do damned if you don’t.",,67,AspiringMogger,2023-12-02 16:08:45 PurplePillDebate,189bmzw,CMV: Women complain about the double standards when it comes to sex while also identifying the reason when it’s convenient,"Often times, women will complain about the double standards in society regarding sex. Usually the complaint is something along the lines of how men are applauded for having lots of sex while women are shamed for having a lot of sex. This double standard makes total sense but many women only acknowledge it when it’s convenient to an argument. Edit: removing the vasectomy since people can’t comprehend it so I’ll give another example Many women in this sub have justified men needing to pay for dates based on the idea that they take on more risk when it comes to dating and sex While sometimes people will use the lock and key analogy, the real reason is biological. As a woman the more men you have sex with the greater chance of getting pregnant and the more paternity doubt there is. The double standard makes sense",,27,FutureBannedAccount2,2023-12-02 19:54:04 PurplePillDebate,189iuwt,A big problem with dating is that neurotypical people don't know how to vet,"This is something I've slowly come to realize as I've gotten older. Neurotypical people do not vet people. They coast through life purely on vibes when it comes to personal interactions, friendships, and relationships. For instance: 🚩 Spotting red flags is the popular new dating strategy. This is something I've always done unconsciously. I figured everyone did this but apparently not. If I witnessed someone do something cruel, selfish, or at odds with my morals, I would instantly write them off. Why would I want to befriend someone who is casually cruel? If they can do it to other's, they will do it to you. They are broadcasting being a bad person. This problem is especially prominent in women. They will date men who are abusers and assholes and it will be a surprise to no one but themselves. BuT aBuSERs HIde wHo THeY arE! TheY stArt off preTendiNG tO Be niCe! No. They tell you **LOUDLY** who they are. You either missed the signs or deliberately ignored them. 🚩 Watch what she does, not what she says is a Red Pill axiom along the same lines. People lie. But their actions always expose who they really are. If more people knew how to vet for positive and negative character traits, they wouldn't struggle with finding a partner. Controversial opinion: finding good women and men to date is actually easy if you know how to vet. It also saves you a lot of trouble because you can instantly cut off incompatible people without wasting your time.",,10,Captain_Save_A_304,2023-12-03 01:58:01 PurplePillDebate,189gmqi,Affordable paternity tests should be a mandatory part of the birthing process CMV,"This isn't the first time this idea has been expressed on Reddit, but I'm noticing a lot of chatter about these tests, so I thought it would be beneficial to reiterate. The main issue women seem to have with paternity testing is that, when a man asks for one, he is implying he doesn't trust his partner. Fair enough. I can empathize. But, if the decision was out of his hands, there would never be a need for him to ask. He would have the peace of mind that men usually say is the reason they want these tests to happen. If he's not the father, he could righteously leave the relationship before forming a bond with the child or expending resources on offspring that are not his responsibilty. I think that cheating, or, at the very least, unprotected cheating, would be discouraged simply by this being an accepted standard.",,13,PrecisionHat,2023-12-02 23:58:09 PurplePillDebate,1896rsu,"Social circles is a ""don't shit where you eat"" scenario slightly better than hitting on coworkers","if you aren't conventionally really attractive having a social circle by itself and interacting with women isn't going to help you unless you will actually go out your way and hit on several of them. What women and bluepillers don't tell you is that guys don't passively get dates by playing it safe and not jeopardizing their friendships. This will mean that even hitting on women within your social circle will end up in several ""I don't see you that way"" rejections our familiarity with the people in your social circle is inversely proportional to how good of an idea it is to risk hitting on your friends or acquaintances At least with cold approaches you don't have to see them again, but within a social circle the word will spread around quickly, and the more approaches end up in rejection the more desperate you will look (in women's eyes) developing a reputation for being ""that guy"". People definitely ""SHIT WHERE THEY EAT"" though, as [43% have married someone they met at work.](https://www.forbes.com/advisor/business/workplace-romance-statistics/) So redditors obsession with not hooking up with coworkers again proves to be terminally online one.",,24,Napo_De_Leone,2023-12-02 16:03:18 PurplePillDebate,189er49,Have you ever questioned your preferences?,"Hey everyone! (@Mods - I am resubmitting and removing the content you highlighted I think. Not sure if this is okay. Quite new haha) I was wondering if you've ever questioned your preferences. **This is not limited to looks, of course.** For example: - Why am I attracted to extroverts? Why am I attracted to introverts? - Why am I attracted to women/men smaller than me? - Why am I attracted to women/men bigger than me? Etc. I have in the past, and I believe it is what led me to eventually not caring about certain preferences much as I used to. Diid you find your preferences revealed some inherent sexism to rigid gender roles? Or maybe something else, something positive? Or is it something you don't find valuable to do etc.? Just interested to read what people's stories!",,7,Think_Day_8061,2023-12-02 22:24:52 PurplePillDebate,1898f0z,High Value Men Aren’t Monogamous?,"The title may be slightly misleading. But stick with me. I know i posted on here a little bit ago. But I want to talk about all these new things and ideas I am being exposed to by my bf. If a woman is dating a mid 20s intelligent, charismatic, socially competent man who is 6 ft +, fit, handsome, and funny. Great salary job, educated, and a big big provider mindset. He is great in group social settings and when he walks into a room people just naturally…. Move. He commands space and respect naturally. But all this said, he knows he is hot commodity. He is in the 10%. And because of this he doesn’t believe he needs to be monogamous. He thinks monogamy is something that women want and benefit from the most. He says that it goes against his nature and that women don’t really care about that anyways as long as they are taken care of, shown attention, and affection. So the gf is the one who gets his time and attention but he has other women who are just fwb. He is transparent about this! Doesn’t lie or cheat. Is it naive for women to expect monogamy out of a high value man? Especially if they are getting the best treatment of all the women? HVM have committed to just your wife? Do you feel like you have worked hard enough that you have earned having multiple women? Men who are not high value only have the choice to be monogamous because he has way less options and still want a relationship. Men who do have option’s don’t have a “scarcity mindset.” —-> is another way to interpret this situation.",,12,Significant_You82,2023-12-02 17:22:00 PurplePillDebate,1897zb1,LOOKS WEEKLY DISCUSSION THREAD,"&#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/3aHh4trC7B) Include your reddit username, pill color, age and gender when you arrive in the welcome mat to introduce yourself and help people get to know you. &#x200B; You can also find Mrs\_Drgree on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/?hl=en) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree) for notifications on when good threads are posted.",,8,AutoModerator,2023-12-02 17:01:41 PurplePillDebate,189a06g,"Why are so many men convinced statistical analysis, pattern recognition, evo psych and other analytics can give them an advantage in dating?","It really boggles my mind when I read this sub and others the absolute rock solid faith so many men have that their dating salvation lies in in the study of dating statistics and patterns, shoddy evo psych and other intellectual/nerd methods of analysis. Dating cannot be understood within these contexts because emotions like attraction are not objective values that are quantifiable. They are subjective variables with hidden values one cannot possibly know and each value is entirely random based on each particular individuals psychology. Sure, some of this pop sci stuff could improve the margins of men who are already successful and knowledgeable about dating and seduction but outside that context most of this analysis is pretty worthless.",,5,Siliconmage76,2023-12-02 18:36:37 PurplePillDebate,189aov7,Do men think it's harder to get younger women than it is?,"I am not saying this to discourage men but to encourage them perhaps. When it comes to threads hear about relationships with age gaps, it is said here that it's almost impossible to for older men to get younger women, unless they are rich. It is also said here that most men desire younger women and would want them if they could. However, I am in a relationship myself where my gf is 16 years younger than me, and her co-worker is a woman in a relationship with a guy who is 19 years older than her. I also know a guy who a few years when he was in his late thirties was also in a relationship with a woman in her early 20s. All three of us guys are not rich and are just your average nobodies pretty much. There is also a woman I work with who's husband is in his 50s, when she is in her 30s. I am not sure if he's rich, but I don't think so. So I feel that if I and two other guys are just average nobodies, with another guy who may also be, than that's at least four average guys who were able to get younger women. So I feel that if guys desire younger women as partners, than it's not near as hard as they make it out to be perhaps, or at least it seems more common than people make it out to be. So I say maybe guys have more of a chance than they realize maybe, if that is something they desire? Or are me and these guys I know just complete outliers and it's still very extremely rare, despire personal experience?",,3,harmonica2,2023-12-02 19:09:33 PurplePillDebate,1894yos,Where do people get this notion that dating in your 20s isn’t a struggle?,"I think people are over-glamorizing youth and doing the whole “Grass is greener on the other side”. First, young people don’t know what the fuck they’re doing. That’s why situationships are a thing. Hell, that’s most likely why 60% of young men claim to be single because they’re not communicating with women they’re dating/fucking if theyre serious yet. Second, thinking baggage only comes from relationships is the dumbest thing ever. The worst baggage I have seen come from traumatic childhood, people still crying about high school, and undiagnosed mental disorders/disabilities. Generally, people handle their relationship baggage a lot better than their traumatic childhood baggage. I’d rather deal with older people who have their problems handled than younger people still figuring them out. I roll my eyes hearing people talk about “Dating in your 30s is hard” because it comes down to: 1. Not liking that people have/want kids, but that’s a personal preference. 2. People being fat, which is a natural part of getting older. 3. “Golddigging women” which makes no sense because women in their 20s can also be gold diggers, unless.... 4. People expect you to have some accomplishments like getting a decent job. Also, it depends on what you're looking for when it comes to dating. ",,6,LillthOfBabylon,2023-12-02 14:32:47 PurplePillDebate,1894x84,Q4M: What are the subtle yet tell-tale signs of female attraction?,"For me, I consider things like being receptive to invitations, subtle compliments (I like your shirt, I like your cologne etc), willing to join you for a meal and relying on you for help as signs of attraction. Maybe I’m misattributing trust or general decency as attraction, but if I’m reading things correctly it is more… sweet and personal than just being a decent friend. What about you guys? Are there signs that you consider tell-tale?",,7,Dear_Archer7711,2023-12-02 14:30:40 PurplePillDebate,189qrv5,Women are more likely to be lonely than men,"I keep seeing posts on here talking about a ""male loneliness epidemic"". But the truth is, **women are more likely to be lonely than men**. These 2 studies show women are more likely to be lonely than men: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23804458/ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33302577/ When people say men are lonelier than women, they're conflating horniness with loneliness. Those are 2 different things. A man can want to get laid without being lonely. That's why you see some men pumping and dumping. For example, you'll see guys who are married or have gfs banging other chicks on the side. They're not lonely. They're horny.",,0,ilike18yoblackpussy,2023-12-03 10:24:22 PurplePillDebate,188dhpq,"A lot of men are justifiably annoyed by a culture that blames them for the male gaze yet pumps ""wet ass pussy"" into the airwaves","Twerking, songs about wet pussies, thirst traps, Onlyfans... all of this is inescapable today. When Ben Shapiro raised this issue he became a subject of mass mockery, even if he did it from a conservative angle. Women like Cardi B intimidate misogynist prudes like Ben because they're taking charge of their sexuality and are unapologetic about it, we were told. then on the other hand you get #metoo, sexualisation of women being the problem (no shit), ""male gaze"" is omnipresent, 25% of american millennials now think “asking to go for a drink” is sexual harassment. Supposedly we live under a patriarchy yet there are no men with balls anywhere to be found so women are ending up childless and alone in life. You can't make this up... &#x200B;",,345,Napo_De_Leone,2023-12-01 14:40:53 PurplePillDebate,188vha6,Men do not like the “ideal” red pill girl,"men literally do not actually like the “ideal” traditional red pill girl. -virgin to low body count -quiet,submissive, agreeable -little life experience -not heavily career driven and more family driven Im my experience most guys are turned off or don’t care about a lot of these things. I could definitely be wrong but i have seen more “non traditional” girls in happy relationships than “traditional” girls why do you think this is? in my opinion i think it is because most men are not really redpill and actually do look for equals while “redpill” men do not look for equals and want to have more power in their relationships. thoughts?",,25,lolagizzle456,2023-12-02 04:23:23 PurplePillDebate,188ska5,"Women vaughly labeling the average guy a ""pushover"" and ""not assertive enough"" is causes men to over compensate in dangerous ways","I think that attitude that being that ""ultra assertive guy who puts up with no shit"" and ""not let anyone walk over me"" gets taken to the extreme more now than I've ever seen it. A great example of this is on the road. So many guys are speeding and cutting each other off because no one wants to be that guy that ""gets taken advantage of by others"" especially if they are driving with their wife or girl or whatever. There's countless other examples like this where Men will go out of their way to avoid looking weak, ovely nice, etc. Men are hyper aware of how unattractive the infamous ""nice guy"" attitude is to women and this why so many look up to the extremes like Andrew Tate, Red pill community, etc. A very large segment of young men think it's better to an arrogant abuser than a nice guy/pushover and I don't blame them since many women view it as literally the most unattractive trait a guy can possess in most cases. This anti pushover mindset is actually making a lot of the younger guys bitter because they aren't sure when they are actually being taken advantage or if there is nuance and they are over reacting. To err on the side of caution, they will take what they perceive as the ""anti-pushover"" approach which can be an extreme outcome. Most guys have their guards up now because they don't want to seen as the ""weak, submissive, pushover guy"" The overwhelming majority of cases are gray areas with nuance and open for interpretation but the majority of women don't recognize that and label men as ""beta pushover"" who don't act in accordance with their highly subjective perception of ""dominance"" or ""masculinity"". The ambiguity and vague rhetoric of calling guys ""pushovers, nice guys, effeminate, and other emasculating labels women quickly employ is breeding mass insecurity in men and society (again especially in the younger generation). Even as a super confident dude myself, I'll sometimes question if I should have done something differently or if i even mildy came across as a pushover. I've noticed ALOT of women are very dogmatic and narrow minded as to what specific examples constitute a ""nice guy/pushover"" *********My CHALLENGE******** With that said, I'd like to challenge any woman to give a SPECIFIC example of situation where they feel a guy was actually a pushover. Im genuinely curious to see if the examples will have unaccounted nuance or if the guy was truly just was scared to ""speak up"" aka a ""pushover nice guy."" this should be interesting 🍿🍿",,33,steliogural,2023-12-02 01:47:15 PurplePillDebate,188yweo,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, etc... in this thread. Here you can post everything you don't think warrants it's own thread. Or just do some socialising. Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. &#x200B; If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,9,AutoModerator,2023-12-02 08:00:24 PurplePillDebate,188y5vs,"Q4M: How would you react if a woman asked, ""What do you bring to the table?""","Let's say you are on a date, everything is going well for the most part and then out of the blue she asks you this question. I'm curious how you'd react. I'm not asking you for your answer to the question. I'm more interested in if you would be... Excited to share? Offended at the audacity? Turned off by the boldness? No big deal as it's just another question? How would you react? When I looked this question up on social media, I see a lot of reactions from different women. I'm curious how males would react to the same question being posed to them.",,8,Windmill_flowers,2023-12-02 07:07:55 PurplePillDebate,1897p86,The manosphere heavily struggles with differentiating vulnerability and weakness,"You see this claim quite often, “i was vulnerable with my girlfriend and she stopped being attracted to me”, “i opened up about my problems and she didn’t like me”, “women don’t like it when men are vulnerable” but, more often than not, what the manosphere actively describes as vulnerability, they’re actually describing weakness, and yes, there is a difference between the two. More often than not, what the manosphere describes as being vulnerable usually goes down to things like trauma dumping, whining, being very needy and emotionally being worn down. The reason why this isn’t vulnerable, especially from a masculine perspective, is that it goes against a lot of evolutionary learned lessons, but also, it isn’t particularity leading anywhere productive. Neither of what I mentioned above will result in having said issues resolved, or invites a space of problem solving. “but women do this!” - and yes, to an extent, women do complain for the sake of complaining and are generally given more of a free pass for things like trauma dumping, but there are three elements at play here: 1) men actively enable it 2) i think in a way, men enjoy being the person this is aimed at because it gives men an opportunity to be the one to try to change things for her. 3) men are frankly more flexible when it comes to character than women are, we’re more willing to let certain things go because attraction for men is more straight forward. 4) it maintains an existing power structure - ie. she’s coming to you as the one with the solutions. Whether this is right or wrong isn’t the topic of debate, but this is pretty much the crux of this dynamic. I think this, in a way, goes back to men being more action oriented and women being more thought/emotion oriented - and each side serves a role in this dynamic; and i think that’s why a man trauma dumping or whining is unattractive. Now, what can healthy vulnerability look like for men? I think it can look like a man opening up from his problems from an angle of “i’m trying to fix this, and i need your input”, or “i’m dealing with x/y/z, and was hoping to get your perspective” - this way, the woman feels needed in that her role as the nurturing support is clear, she isn’t there to wear down and absorb all your problems, but help you actually solve them. Vulnerability is a sigh of strength, but it indeed expresses itself differently across both genders, I think given that men are generally physically stronger and have historically worn the pants in most relationships, the vulnerability a man would express would show itself very differently from that of a woman.",,0,KayRay1994,2023-12-02 16:48:17 PurplePillDebate,188romn,Why do guys keep complaining about tinder and hookup but keep insisting on participating in both?," Is this a case of guys wanting their fantasies to be a reality instead of adjusting to reality itself? Multiple studies have been done on the topics of sex, tinder, hookups, gender differences in desires, but we still get complaints on why Tinder and hook up culture are both so one sided? (More info to fill up space) I don’t get how hookups on tinder are worth it when they’re clearly causing men to seethe in anger over it: \> If you call a shallow person shallow, then you are calling the person what they are. That's fair. Lots of women like to not be held accountable for their negative behavior, but that's no longer being tolerated. Women are being called out on their shit as they should be. Like, do guys think hookups aren't shallow by nature? Also, I’m getting tired of seeing shit like this be a conversation: https://youtu.be/dKmvvBelNcw?si=3aKS853M9agqCQkR Tinder is 70% male and most women really arent fond of hookups. “But most women have hookups.” No, they have atleast ONE hookup. If you eat broccoli once and never again, that doesnt mean you like broccoli. So why do guys keep whining about the lopsisdedness of these things when theyre both lopsided by design AND people have proven it?",,13,LillthOfBabylon,2023-12-02 01:04:14 PurplePillDebate,188sk66,Would you be ok with your wife asking for a paternity test?,"Many men strongly believe that asking for a paternity test is not an accusation of cheating and is for the man’s peace of mind. Imagine a scenario in which your wife thought you were getting too close with a female coworker or friend, working too late, being distant, etc. and you told her not to worry about this person and didn’t change the behaviour much. One day, this woman announces she’s pregnant and isn’t sharing who the father is. Would you be ok with getting a paternity test to ensure your wife has the peace of mind that you aren’t in fact siring and abandoning your child, since your behaviour has been off and the timing is suspicious?",,11,meangingersnap,2023-12-02 01:47:04 PurplePillDebate,188dq1g,Almost half of the women having a plan B and the 80/20 rule are the legit reasons for a guy to have self-esteem issues and women shouldn't complain about it as they are the reason behind it.,"To start off, I would like to say 80/20 rule is exaggerated but I would out it somewhere 70/20 based on personal experiences, data [from ok cupid](https://techcrunch.com/2009/11/18/okcupid-inbox-attractive/?guccounter=1&guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvbS8&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAAK1hpkcgkYKMQWm3FrPBrb3bECdq91_qKVaQ0y6DyjNZdqPJv8Y3M98sirm8GkdFP9mpPeMllZ8XOqH4abu_oCBxwtKcIOFQLNGGtWa96xilA_IJa61aBB8dcQ9Y4w2EvSdZcUXjID5acM87xZ1SvpAFtLEIzkrpdgl-K-CXjgRo), and about [60 percent women use online dating](https://www.statista.com/statistics/976223/reasons-why-adults-use-dating-websites-apps-usa-gender/#:~:text=U.S.%20online%20dating%20website%20and%20app%20usage%20motivations%202021%2C%20by%20gender&text=According%20to%20a%20survey%20of,find%20an%20exclusive%20romantic%20partner). If someone needs the math here: Online women showed that 80 percent of them find men ugly, so 80% of 60% of all women is 48% of all women (48% agreed that they find the majority of men ugly, not mid, not ok). Now offline is about 40%. Men grow up knowing that majority of the opposite sex to which they are attracted finds them unattractive, not ok, not mid but just ugly. (yes, most of us have experienced this)e it equally, 20 percent find majority unattractive and the rest 20 don't. The reason we said women find majority men unattractive is due to the reason [women pratice hypergamy](https://www.womenshealthmag.com/relationships/a36958388/hypergamy-definition/). Add the two percentages and we get about 68 percent of women who find majority of men unattractive. An article [https://www.scoopwhoop.com/relationships/here-is-why-your-girlfriend-probably-has-a-backup-partner/](https://www.scoopwhoop.com/relationships/here-is-why-your-girlfriend-probably-has-a-backup-partner/) and a study [https://www.psychologytoday.com/za/blog/darwins-subterranean-world/201901/the-psychology-the-backup-boyfriend-or-girlfriend](https://www.psychologytoday.com/za/blog/darwins-subterranean-world/201901/the-psychology-the-backup-boyfriend-or-girlfriend)? shows that about 50 percent of women always have a plan B. &#x200B; Now look at it from a guy's perspective. 1. Men grow up knowing that majority of the opposite sex to which they are attracted to finds them unattractive, not ok, not mid but just ugly. (yes, most of us have experienced this) 2. If almost half of the women have a backup that means she wasn't attracted to you in the first place and guys know that. 3. A checklist on what a woman wants or the standards a woman lists are sometimes unrealistic as compared to what men want in women. 4. Now to add as women constantly have plethora of options but a guy doesn't, that also means even a small misstep means she has more incentive to leave coupled with the 2nd point of having a backup already. Now when women on this sub say that they don't want a guy with low self esteem issues and the guy must take therapy and such, ask yourselves why are these issues there in the first place? And do you actually think that if a therapist says that what he believes that no woman will love him is false whereas his own personal experiences and data say otherwise will help? So the next time any of you try to tell a guy to fix his own self esteem issues which usually stem from your gender itself is actually equivalent to telling a woman that her feeling unsafe in public is basically her fault. As equivalent to when a woman says that men should walk her home, protect her, and make her feel safe from other creepy men, I would like to add that you should put some effort too to help him deal with his self esteem issues which stem from other women and not likely you (as most women on this sub would say they don't treat men like the points I have written). Edit: A post I was reading [about not being validated by women](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/s/5oCgwegpCP). It's completely opposite to what I have posted. The funny part is there women say they will support and stroke their man's ego but here they say they will not entertain him. Ok what?",,51,thedarkracer,2023-12-01 14:50:41 PurplePillDebate,1898l64,"Men and women are both human, but do women want things men do?","So we know men have historically wanted social status, land they can call their's, to work with their hands and shape the environment around them (building, etc) Do women want these things too? Or do women have a different set of needs? What I'm trying to ask is, are males the part of the human species that wants to do all of the practical interaction with the world? Because I've heard women say men who work with their hands are attractive, and many women don't like to / know how to change their tires, they don't want to get messy and dirty. And men want to do stuff like climb trees, dig holes, work on machines etc Does it just come down to the strength difference making it easier for men to do physical labour, or is there some biological difference that makes women not wanna do that? Last example: Men would build a statues in their honour, to be praised, and to gain social status - would women want to do this? Or no?",,0,Consistent-Gur6932,2023-12-02 17:30:14 PurplePillDebate,188evra,Why do you think men are more likely than women to be attracted to only one gender?,"There's a lesser known term called ""monosexuality"". As the name implies, ""**mono**sexuality"" means attraction to only one gender: that is, straight **OR** gay. This is contrasted with **bi**sexuality. According to [Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homosexuality#Demographics), > Surveys in Western cultures find, on average, that about 93% of men and 87% of women identify as completely heterosexual, 4% of men and 10% of women as mostly heterosexual, 0.5% of men and 1% of women as evenly bisexual, 0.5% of men and 0.5% of women as mostly homosexual, and 2% of men and 0.5% of women as completely homosexual. If we put this into a table, we see that men outrank women in both of these mono-sexual categories. Men are more likely than women to be straight (1.05 to 1), and they're more likely to be gay as well (4 to 1). Identification |Men | Women| Ratio :--|:--:|--:|--:|-- |Completely Straight (mono-sexual) |93% |87%| 1.05 to 1| |Completely Gay (mono-sexual) |2% |0.5% | 4 to 1 As for the bisexual category, women dominate this demographic. Identification |Men | Women| Ratio :--|:--:|--:|--:|-- |Not mono-sexual (combining ""mostly homosexual"", ""mostly heterosexual"" and ""evenly bisexual"") |5% |11.5% | 1 to 2.3 So, ""completely straight"" and ""completely gay"" is more common among men than women, especially with gay people with a ratio of 4 to 1. But anything other than that - that is, any hint of bisexuality - is more common among women instead. These findings are quite consistent, even anecdotally as women are generally seen are more flexible with their sexuality (regardless of whether we're talking straight-identifying or gay-identifying men and women). There is a study I had seen that I can't find for the life of me now, which found that straight-identifying women are more likely than straight-identifying men to have had same-sex encounters, **and** gay-identifying women are more likely than gay-identifying men to have had straight sex encounters. In other words, * Straight-identifying men are ""straighter"" than straight-identifying women, **and** * gay-identifying men are ""gayer"" than gay-identifying women. Why do you think this is the case? This is one of those things I find perplexing: given that men are the ""hornier"" gender, why aren't *they* the ones who find themselves with more ""variation"" in their attraction in terms of gender? You'd also think that, if women are seen as the *less* horny gender and experiencing less sexual attraction than men (consistent view in this subreddit), then they would be far less likely than men to experience sexual fluidity. Men dominate a *lot* of demographics relating to sexual attraction. Men dominate the ""porn watching"" demographic. They dominate the ""interested in hookups"" demographic. Men dominate the ""attracted to fat people"" demographic. Men dominate the ""attracted to watermelons"" demographic. Men dominate the ""[insert any fetish here]"" demographic. So isn't it surprising that, given all those things, they don't dominate the ""bicurious"" or ""sexually fluid"" demographic?",,21,brilliant22,2023-12-01 15:40:03 PurplePillDebate,188kaa3,How often do men hang out with their female friends? How often do they talk on the phone,My male friend says we only need to talk a couple times a year so no side develops feelings. He said the more exposed you are to your friend the deeper the connection will get. Is this true? How often does everyone hang with their opposite sex friends?,,9,Educational_Lab_525,2023-12-01 19:31:58 PurplePillDebate,188x44z,When i think child support laws will chance,"There will be a woman who was the primary bread winner of a family. Hard worker but didn't have enough time for family and upkeeping her marriage. The husband files for a divorce and finds companionship with a woman he met at Tuesday nights at baby yoga. He files for primary childcare and child support and wins. He will get 2398.63 cents a month for child support. And he gets half of all accounts and the newer The woman can not afford this. This is basically going to make her working poor. She will be left with 2400 a month. Mortgage is 1600 but safe still has to pay back student loans. Sure has to then live in a bad neighborhood. Further away from work and it puts more mileage and use on the older car she was left with in the divorce settlement. Eventually the car breaks down. She can't afford repairs or a new car so she loses her job. She found a new one that provides a car but at a lower wage. She then can't make child support payments. The judge then takes her license away. She can't work, pay rent, she can't live. She finds her way homeless stressed out and eventually commits suicide.. not before recording a tik tok video saying how this is all her ex husbands fault and how the judge is responsible too.. this will cause an uproar. Will be on every news outlet. Online they will say "" child support is r*pe"". They will find the ex husband and bash him for being lazy and good for nothing. The judge would be asked to step down. New local political candidates will make child welfare laws part of their platform. Changing it forever.",,2,applesaucerage,2023-12-02 05:59:13 PurplePillDebate,188fb9x,Why do we hear less about how toxic dating is in real life?,"I've talked to people in real life and online. A few examples 1. Girl in real life told me she plans to marry her boyfriend. They have been together since 19, and are now 23 2. You see many more couples, who act nicer 3. Girls are nicer when you approach them 4. Etc",,9,Consistent-Gur6932,2023-12-01 15:58:41 PurplePillDebate,1888r0l,Women will not feed a man's ego,"Even if it is her boyfriend or husband. I would even say in a relationship this is more common. Im not sure what the reason is, if it is a power thing or if it is an evolutionary thing. It could be a power thing, where women simply don't want to lose their power in a relationship with a man, or with someone she knows in general. It could also be an evolutionary thing where women act as a natural barrier to not encourage ""lesser"" men. Confidence is very strongly related to success, and its pretty much impossible to reach heights in any realm without confidence. And as such, women aren't going to give ""free confidence"" to undeserving men. In any case, what this means is that you as a man cannot expect women to be a source of confidence when you arent confident yourself. They are not going to validate men the way we validate women. Women even engage in ""negging"" far more commonly and casually than men. In fact, most of the tactics that players use to take a woman's ego down a peg, are copied from things women commonly do to men. Where does this leave men? Well we shouldn't expect or try to get women to validate ourselves. In my opinion, men should pay very little weight to the words of women. I find that the less seriously i take women, the better i feel about myself and the better i do with women and dating. Its actually better for us to simply believe ourselves to be better than them. Find your own validation and confidence in your own success and achieving goals. Thats much better to develop strong ego. And no man in 2023 should ever be humble. Those days are over. Yes, be nice in general but never lower yourself or praise someone at your expense. If in doubt, being arrogant is better than being humble.",,20,Tight-Breeder,2023-12-01 10:32:43 PurplePillDebate,188z13l,"With everything going on with the world's economics, why does it impact a man's value if he can't support 2 people on his own?","This is mainly concerning younger men like 20-35 let's say. I don't understand the expectation for a man to have his finances and career completely ""put together"" before he's able to enter a relationship, and I *really* don't understand it coming from women who themselves live at home with their parents, or have their rent paid by their family. I also, don't understand the continued expectation for a man to contribute equally to household work and child rearing, IF the wife/mother doesn't work and he's contributing his money alone to supporting her and their children. Like, it seems obviously uneven considering the rising cost of everything, *especially* housing.",,0,19whale96,2023-12-02 08:09:28 PurplePillDebate,188iyoe,Does money and/or status create genuine attraction?,"Often this rhetoric is espoused by self-help gurus like Jordan Peterson or Scott Galloway who roughly say something like ""If you want to be attractive you need to become attractive through adopting responsibility, becoming more competent, making more money etc after which you will have more access to potential mates"" If this was true then you'd think the most powerful people in the world like billionaires would have the most beautiful women, yet a quick google search disproves this immediately plus its 2023 women out earn men and can make their own money pretty easily so the ""money"" part is ruled out &#x200B; however im kind of on the fence about status, humans are social creatures and your status in society largely influences your life.People even call ugly celebrities ""hot"" or ""beautiful"" would they say the same thing if they saw someone that looked like that while he was mopping floors at a fast food restaurant? Or lets take someone like leonardo dicaprio, who is obviously attractive popular and rich. Did his popularity and wealth enhanced his beauty? would he have the same (genuine) attraction had he been a garbageman and picked trash off the sidewalk? &#x200B; ",,3,Real-Complex-6135,2023-12-01 18:33:52 PurplePillDebate,1882dl7,"Women, what do women need to improve?","We've heard a lot about what men need to improve. For example: * Be attractive / if not then maximize your looks. * Be tall (6 ft) / if not, surgery? * Be very fit (=jacked) / if not go to the gym. * Make over 100k / if not, hustle. Work on yourself. * Be popular and social / maximize your social capital. * Whatever it is. Etc. What is it that **women** ***think*** that **women** should do if they are speaking to women who are still struggling to either date or find the kind of satisfying relationship they're looking for? Some of the guidelines for this premise are as follows: * Claiming that every single woman already is in their 100% ideal scenario relationship is neither true to reality nor does it qualify as an answer here because the question is specifically about giving advice to those who have yet to land the relationship they're looking for. * ""Nothing"" is not an answer because that's not advice. * External things are not an answer i.e. relocating. They have to be things that women should try to change to better themselves as better potential long term partners who are seeking a relationship with a man. * To be clear, the end goal is finding the satisfying long term relationship that most women say they're looking for. Edit: It has to be said. A criticism of my list of male examples is not an answer to the question that is clearly being asked. ",,31,Da_Famous_Anus,2023-12-01 03:59:46 PurplePillDebate,1888zqh,What’s the magic number?,"“Don’t have sex with a man on the first date!” you cry. Aside from the fact that it’s usually the man putting pressure on the woman to do so (to the point where some of you use it as a shit test) and then you shame her for giving in if she does. One man in here said it’s OK on the **second** date and another says you need to wait until the **third** date or more. Yet another says a woman should “keep her legs closed” until **marriage**. WTF is this nonsense? Make it make sense! Why shouldn’t a woman have sex on the first date if she’s feeling it? Of course, you’re also the type of men who are then going to complain when that same woman uses sex as a weapon and five years after getting married and popping out a few kids for you, you’ll be posting in the dead bedrooms sub. 😂 ",,7,NefariousnessLife220,2023-12-01 10:48:53 PurplePillDebate,187yy5m,"You should be honest with the people you care about of the opposite sex, about how your gender typically operates.","Clunky title, pardon me. But why are so many men and women willing to mislead those they care about, in favor of 'solidarity' with their gender? I'm very lucky to have a mother who warned me since I was young that girls in the real world are not like the ones in fairytales. Like any mother she of course looked forward to me finding love, getting married, being good to my woman etc. but she never sugar-coated what the road to it would be like. She warned me that women can and will perform, settle and lie to get what they want from me. That coming ""as I am"" wouldn't work past middle school. That I shouldn't put 100% into girlfriends when I'm young, and properly vet for a wife only once I've made myself into a man with leverage in the world. My father had equivalent advice for my sister about the nature of men. Me and my siblings were young and ended up having to learn the hard way regardless, but it was at least a relief to know we were warned, and it wasn't like a rug was pulled from under us. There is so much anecdotal experience and advice from both genders that goes to waste because it doesn't fit their narrative they want to paint about men vs women. You should be treating people who come to you for advice like you're their older brother or sister, not like they're on the opposite side of enemy lines.",,18,[deleted],2023-12-01 01:13:08 PurplePillDebate,187ktw3,"Light ""creepy behavior"" can be flirtatious and playful if she personally finds you attractive","I offered a ride home to my young coworker (f23, her car broke down) home, and as we arrived at her house before she left my car I said something which would be considered a complete faux pass to women here, I said to her *""I know where you live now, you just gained a stalker haha""*, at first she looked at me embarrassed and laughed it off so the next time we worked together I felt a little ashamed of myself so I didn't talk to her the whole shift, when our shift was ending something happened: we were both the last ones to go home, I was preparing the bar for the next day and told her *""you can go, I'll manage this myself""*, she takes her purse and walks past by me but stops and asks *""whatever happened to my stalker, I'm was kinda waiting...you know""* she lingered as I kept working. My brain is so induced with politically correct online takes her response caught me off guard I couldn't even come up with a witty response. Lesson learned.",,96,Napo_De_Leone,2023-11-30 15:13:13 PurplePillDebate,1885md3,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, etc... in this thread. Here you can post everything you don't think warrants it's own thread. Or just do some socialising. Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. &#x200B; If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,6,AutoModerator,2023-12-01 07:00:26 PurplePillDebate,187wpi3,Is the term “pick me” over used?,"I’ve seen it used as an insult like simp. A pick me is a term used for “women that bring down other women for male attention” which I understand but if a woman seems to just say something that is helpful or benefits a man she is a pick me. Such as a woman cooking for her boyfriend she will be called a pick me? Considering how much women shit talk covertly and snake each other all the time ex:sleeping with best friends boyfriend or exes. Is the term pick me a cope for mentally healthy women that have a positive outlook towards me?",,18,No_Historian_1601,2023-11-30 23:33:11 PurplePillDebate,187udun,Are people open to dating others with potential or do they only want the finished product?,"To provide some background for the question in OP let me provide a few common requirements I see here: Confidence - confidence requires past success and positive experience. Someone who hasn't dated before or has very little experiee or a history of rejection won't feel confident. So this filters out for people who are finished products emotionally and who have a track record of success Someone who loves themself - This is similar ot the above in that it filters for people who have already worked and solved all of the struggles in their life. It filters for those who are the finished product emotionally and doesn't give those with some trauma or baggage a change to prove themselves or resolve themselves Strong social network - This again requires many years of trial and error especially if one is in a new city and a lot of effort that is spent alone before becoming the finished social product Past experience - both men and women here seek partners who have social validation or past experience when it comes to dating. Even those who want virgins still wanted someone who has dated a lot but sexually restrained themselves. Again this filters for the finished experience product Sex in the first few dates (Men) - This is something I see a lot from guys here and it requires the woman to be confident and comfortable engaging in sex and physical intimacy early which means they should have had it many times before and practiced before thus filtering for the finished product sexually Career/Finances - Yet another filtering is done for those with a career, ambition, or goals. Thus the finished product financially is required. The actual amount may depend on your location, but the underlying theme is still present. With all these common criteria I read here, are people even open to dating someone with potential anymore who isn't a finished product? Would you all consider a guy or girl who hasn't had romantic experience before and will make rookie mistakes in dating but who has a good heart and is willing to learn? A guy or girl who doesn't have the best of friend groups yet but is willing to get integrated into your friend group and meet others? A guy or girl who has had childhood trauma / insecurities/ depression but with a little help and motivation is willing to improve themselves and overcome it? A guy or girl who isn't quite at the finish line yet financiallly but is working on it and getting there? Or is the above criteria firm and the only interest these days are in candidates who are the finished product already. Discuss",,18,uselessloner123,2023-11-30 21:56:15 PurplePillDebate,188k8n0,Hypergamy doesn’t really exist but women don’t know what attracts them,"I have so many anecdotes on women being so unpredictable with the person they end up falling in love with. I think they try to subscribe to some societal norms of hypergamy and high social value but ultimately there’s some intangible that hooks them about a guy and they can’t even tell you what it is. Women will date and turn down plenty of high value men then fall in love and marry a goofy/short/chubby/non-high status job guy. I honestly don’t think they’re settling because they seem to really love and be head over heels for the guy in a way they weren’t with the Chad. I have a surgeon friend who dated plenty of finance dudes and other high status guys. She comes home from one date with this handyman/carpenter and couldn’t stop talking about him. They got married and had kids. What gives? I’ve seen this time and time again in my circles.",,0,snappy033,2023-12-01 19:30:02 PurplePillDebate,187fnkr,Alcohol is a means of coping with anxiety/poor social skills,"Being drunk is literally the byproduct of poisoning yourself. While your liver somewhat recovers after a night of drinking, alcohol reeks havok on your immune system and causes mass inflammation on a cellular level. Your risk for 100 types of cancer and degenerative dieseases goes up 10x with every drink. This is all so people can feel slightly more at ease while socializing. Bars are an antiqued tradition and the fact much of society relies on them as ""hangout spots"" to meet new people is just really dumb and old fashion for a number of reasons. In 150 years people there will be a much safer and superior way to become inebriated. People will be amazed at how dumb our generation was for poisoning ourselves and damaging our health for very little trade off. Do people who frequent bars actually enjoy the environment or are they just there to meet people?",,88,steliogural,2023-11-30 10:39:39 PurplePillDebate,18892dj,It is normal for adults to learn about real life through fiction?,"Inspired by this comment: >More men should absorb the lessons in anime. I really can’t wrap my head around how many people seem to think it’s normal to be a grown adult still thinking that fiction is going to teach them about living in the real world. You need Goku to tell you to clean your room and exercise? Also, I looked at a lot of nice guys venting how angry they are that movies lied to them about women and it astounds me. Who the fuck is telling people that fiction is supposed to be applied to real life? Who is telling guys that high school movies where the dork gets the bully’s hot girlfriend will totally happen in real life? So instead of interacting with people, observing people, learning through real people, you hoped Revenge Of The Nerds would do that for you? I understand children learning from fiction because they are children. They are developing and learning the world around them with limited access to do so. However, shouldn’t there be a time where you realize it doesn’t reflect reality and you observe the world around you, rather than what Bugs Bunny is doing on Looney Tunes? It gives off 8th Grade Syndrome vibes and it makes my skin crawl: https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Eighth-Grade+Syndrome https://youtube.com/shorts/t5U-00hkHuU?si=a9duZw9PqmeOsPsu",,1,LillthOfBabylon,2023-12-01 10:53:52 PurplePillDebate,1886nmy,All Double Standards Between Men and Women can be Explained by our Evolution - Change My Mind,"On both side of this debate, the point of double standards is mentioned again and again. Whether it's ""Men sleep around they're studs. Women do it, they're sluts"" or ""Women get away with behavior that would get a man knocked out,"" double standards seem to be at the heart of both feminist and red-pill philosophies. It occurs to me that many (possibly all) of the double standards between men and women, are there because of fundamental differences in our nature. Differences such as physical qualities, mating strategies, and overall relationship dynamics between the sexes. What do you think? Can you give me some examples of double standards that can't be explained by our nature and/or the environment we evolved in?",,1,mrchoon,2023-12-01 08:08:46 PurplePillDebate,187x02f,Past promiscuity stances from RP are misleading," I've seen this happen many times where women ( and men) who didn't have their hoe phase decided they needed to later on but I'll use one friend as an example. She married as a virgin in her early 20's to a nerdy guy in medical school. ( BB right up front). 12 years later they get bored and curious and decide to open things up. Of course, he didn't realize how much easier she would have it and decided he no longer wanted this. By this time shes basically in love with a handsome buff food service guy. (AF time) Yes this is one example, there are many. Enough to make me think that in reality it's an almost necessary experience. Also I've noticed that many women who settle down before 25 tend to turn their lives upside down at 25-26 and then basically just recreate and come full circle before settling down again. I think a little hoe phase is beneficial to both sexes as well as not settling down too early. That's said I would keep in mind that you'll likely want a fair balance later on so if either sex gets too wild with it they may be limiting their number of potential partners in the future. I guess I'd caution the mindset on this concept because if she didn't front load her hoe phase, you may be setting yourself up for it to come later. Old wisdom would call this sewing your wild oats and recognized the necessity. ETA. Ive been misspelling it, it's ""sow"" or ""sowing"" **ETA with sources** I'll amend this to say I'm only partly right here. **If we're to believe religiously funded studies**..... Short of a virgin which I don't think is even relevant in secular circles ( and if you want that you need to accept it's really only going to come with being devoutly religious) , 3-9 is best but don't be number two. **""In short: if you're going to have comparisons to your [future] husband, it's best to have more than one.""** Number of partners in relation to divorce. https://ifstudies.org/blog/counterintuitive-trends-in-the-link-between-premarital-sex-and-marital-stability Women with 10 or more partners were the most likely to divorce, but this only became true in recent years; Women with 3-9 partners were less likely to divorce than women with 2 partners; and, Women with 0-1 partners were the least likely to divorce. Biggest predictors of infidelity https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-myths-sex/202111/the-4-biggest-predictors-infidelity%3famp Partner count was not a predictor but several factors that are essentially, as they say, maintaining frame. From another secular source https://medicalxpress.com/news/2018-02-predictors-infidelity-divorce-highlighted.html **""A person's history of sex was a predictor of infidelity, too. Men who reported having more short-term sexual partners prior to marriage were more likely to have an affair, while the opposite was true for women.""** **Uh, oh. Tbf this supports the idea that hoe phase as a predictor of infidelity is in fact projection on men's part and only ""good"" for women** So it looks like in regards to marriage....go for a virgin or go for someone with a bit of experience. If you want the virgin, you better be devoutly religious to make it realistic. In regards to infidelity......go for a woman with a small hoe phase.",,6,Fun_Push7168,2023-11-30 23:46:06 PurplePillDebate,188aiqh,Are modern women truly independent from men or has male provisioning and protection been socialized to a degree that facilitates that independence.,"From ancient stateless societies to the formation of industrial nation states , there was system of gender roles in which women were never “independent” of men. . Men have the agency of brute force , strength , intelligence , the ability modify and extrapolate their environment etc. Women have the agency of sexuality, reproduction , child rearing and to assist the male under his given leadership. In Turn men become motivated to lead, to provide, too look after women because of her nurturing gender role. Today that has changed, now women make their own money, buy homes, raise children with no father needed, run companies,own businesses, serve as police officers and firemen , in charge of military divisions and much more. So now it appears that women no longer are subordinate to men. But some would argue that the husband has simply be substituted by the state and the state facilitates this independence by collectively socializing male agency. Now she is subordinate to the state apparatus. What do you guys think?",,0,lowlifedougal,2023-12-01 12:18:12 PurplePillDebate,187lqkv,Does being an emotional tampon lead to the friendzone? Or only in certain cases?,"When you genuinely care for a girl, you actually want to be her venting board. You genuinely want to hear about her problems to learn about who she is, give her a safe space to express her thoughts and provide solutions if they are wanted Many times men complain that this leads to the friendzone, and the girl ends up ONLY contacting the guy to vent, and then she dissapears Now, is the friendzone a direct result of being an emotional tampon? OR is being an emotional tampon a symptom of being friendzoned? Because in many cases, a girl can be romantically interest in a guy who is her emotional tampon. In which case, it's not a bad thing. Both partners can be each other's venting boards So again, is the friendzone a direct result of being an emotional tampon? OR is being an emotional tampon a symptom of being friendzoned?",,14,Consistent-Gur6932,2023-11-30 15:52:50 PurplePillDebate,187lwjx,Paternity Tests - Catch 22,"Anybody else notice this Catch 22 regarding paternity tests? Based on debates in this forum along withrelated Reddit stories/inquiries. If you request to have the paternity test, that is grounds for divorce as that shows that you do not trust your wife. If the baby/child shows phenotypical characteristics (recessive/atavistic traits) that don't seem to be yours, getting the paternity test is again, grounds for divorce if the baby is yours. \*If a few years have passed and the paternity test shows you are not the father, and you choose to jettison yourself from the kid's life: 1. you are an evil sociopath for abandoning that child 2. Blood doesn't matter, you're still the father. 3. You're not the father but you're still her dad! 4. You raised them for X amount of years. They're your daughter/son 5. It's an innocent child, you're breaking their heart! Then add to that the laws that lean towards holding you financially accountable for a child you didn't create, if your name is on the Birth Certificate. Or if you owe back-child support. Solution: Get that test! Be upfront about your desire for it way before you have kids. If she leaves because of that conversation, chalk it to the game. &#x200B; \*Examples where these responses were pulled: [OP specifies that he means leaving the child after finding this out after \*years\*](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/16js66t/op_specifies_that_he_means_leaving_the_child/) [WIBTA if I walked out on my child’s life after finding out she isn’t really mine?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kvg61n/wibta_if_i_walked_out_on_my_childs_life_after/) &#x200B;",,10,More-Tax-62,2023-11-30 16:00:17 PurplePillDebate,187oevj,To those of you who explain/defend your preferences in a moral light - why?,"You see this a lot, some users on here feel the need to explain their preferences in a way that’s not only defensive, but that also demeans people who don’t fit such a preference. Ex. men who don’t prefer career women because career women are x, y and z and x/y/z is wrong, men who don’t like women who dress provocatively and explain it through saying “women x is more likely to do y”, or some women on here preferring men who are experienced because inexperienced men are more likely to have issues x, y, z all of these preferences, in a vacuum, are totally fine, to be clear, but i think people take issue when they’re explained in a way that demeans the other person rather than a way that highlights your individual lifestyle. It is no longer a lifestyle choice in this context, it’s the morally correct thing and it shall be defended as such. Why does such a need exist? (and i want to be clear, this conversation has nothing to do with more… deplorable preferences, you’ve seen them in this sub and you know what they are)",,6,KayRay1994,2023-11-30 17:46:00 PurplePillDebate,187wy6t,"The Wall ain't real at all, and I say That as a woman who wishes It were the case","Now, I'm going to sound like a piece of shit or a pick-me, but as a woman in my mid-twenties who didn't have much success with men in her late teens because of her social anxiety and family issues, I wish the wall was real. I said it. I really was dumb and would believe incels telling me that these women living their best life in their youth will grow up to be jaded and neglected. Like the dumbass I was, I believed that being a late virgin and not riding the Chad carousel while and glowing up would lead me to not be considered as damaged as these women having a hoe phase. And if I age badly, then so will they, so they will experience what it feels like to struggle with men. BUT this is utter bullshit! Literally all the former hoes that I see are getting married to the best guys (handsome, sweet, great job), while girls like me who were struggling in their teens aren't having it any better. Because contrary to popular belief, MEN DON'T WANT VIRGINS. I even find myself lying about not being a virgin because men would legit turn down a potential relationship with a virgin, thinking she'll be too clingy or have mental issues. I freaking see hoes in their 40s getting wifed easier than a virginal woman my age! The only guys I attract are either pathetic religious nutjobs that hate on women or old creeps! So to men: the desirable Stacy that mogged girls like me and turned you down isn't suffering! She is either already engaged to some Chad or is now having her pick of younger Chads and guys her age. you guys pretend to be logical and rational yet you live up to the biggest fantasy which is seing the people that looked down on you suffering but it ain't gonna happen. the world is unfair!",,1,rosiivelvete,2023-11-30 23:43:45 PurplePillDebate,186rm6l,Most single lonely men are not struggling with women because they're old fashioned misogynists," it has nothing to do with supposedly bitter ""nice guys"" lacking progressive views or having problem with a woman’s autonomy -- most men don't mind women in higher education, most men don't mind women having careers, most men don't mind women making bank, most men don't mind sharing home chores -- this is not the prerequisite most of lonely men failed to accept that would render them unfuckable. In reality women get to be picker more than ever and turns out they're not really picking ""personality"" - their independence didn't make their decision making ""wiser"" where they would now filter the bad, disloyal, toxic jerks out -- rather it turned the world of dating an extension of high school or greek life ""do I really like him or is he just tall hehe?"" dating apps and social media make sex acessible to women who themselves admit they may just want to satisfy the 'itch' when the dry spell becomes unbearable and good hearted yet average men kinda lose out when it comes to hookups. Situathionships are a prime example of how they’re willing to tolerate or turn a blind eye to commitment and loyalty for a good dicking. This has nothing to do with modern men ending up alone because they are lacking “communication"" skills or believe in cave man era gender roles which is what most [psychology/behavioral experts try to suggest.](https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-state-of-our-unions/202302/why-are-so-many-young-men-single-and-sexless?amp)",,398,Napo_De_Leone,2023-11-29 15:09:50 PurplePillDebate,1871n9z,"Women are against the legalisation of prostitution because they want the ""hoeflation"" to continue, and are ok with men being miserable.","And if men want to stop being so miserable they should start by supporting the legalisation of prostitution. As we all know morality has always been weaponized by groups of people to justify putting their interests forward. This is a common tactic that's omnipresent and is used for example in war propaganda, where we will present the intervention in a foreign country as a moral duty and not the greed for oil/power that it actually is. This means a woman wouldn't use moral arguments against the legalisation of prostitution if somehow she realised it would serve her interests in one way or another. This also means that it is pointless to whine to women about how life is tough as a man because they do not care, and if they do they must actually be quite happy about it because it just goes to show how much leverage they have in the current dating market. Prostitution is a natural phenomenon that has always and will always happen no matter what you do about it. It is likely that this plays a crucial part in the functioning of a healthy society and a government has no business restraining it from happening, as long as everyone involved consents to it. Open for debate obviously, that is just my opinion at the moment. ",,63,Atrass,2023-11-29 22:13:01 PurplePillDebate,1878p6c,Makeup is basically a pretence and a sign of insecurity.,"It's a sign that somebody doesn't accept themselves the way they are naturally otherwise, there'd be no point in wearing it. It's basically a sign of insecurity, which shows that the person wearing it is trying to artificially look beautiful. If somebody can pretend to look a certain way, what's to stop them from pretending to be what they aren't? They can pretend to be a good and caring person, which won't be that hard because on the physical level they're already pretending to be more beautiful than they really are. Unfortunately [women are conditioned](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlsHCqQnGnw&ab_channel=Breaze) from a young age to wear makeup, so much so that some women even feel insecure going out without wearing it. Women's insecurities actually benefit cosmetics and fashion companies. And the thing is, makeup doesn't really hide much. All it does is tell me that there's basically another face hidden behind the mask of the person I'm talking to, which makes them inauthentic. A woman who doesn't wear makeup may look less attractive compared to other women, but atleast she's authentic, which actually makes her more attractive in a genuine way. The irony is many women say they want a ""real man"", and yet they wear masks that artificially enhance how they look. Meaning they themselves aren't even real.",,25,Jax_Gatsby,2023-11-30 03:33:02 PurplePillDebate,1876v85,"Pop culture is more female-oriented in the Gen Z 2020's, which is a big part of the shift.","not my post here is the link Does anybody else feel a general sense of women taking control of the zeitgeist this decade? For the record, I am talking about the communities that drive pop-culture; progressive, urban young people. \- Gender is eroding, which is a structure that generally serves men. \- Women are starting to prioritize looking how they want, and men are beginning to adapt themselves to the female gaze. Things like height, jawline, abs, (looksmaxxing) in general, and makeup for men were things that weren't really discussed in other decades or with previous generations. Now, a lot of young men are heavily concerned with these things. On the other hand, you see female fashion straying away from ""looking hot"" and more towards self-expression. Baggy, androgynous clothes; short haircuts, and mullets are in for women. \- Cannabis is replacing alcohol as the intoxicant of choice, which women are spearheading. \- Men are becoming increasingly aware of female standards, and women are beginning to not care all that much about men's standards. \- Psychology, understanding interpersonal relationships, being ""an empath"", and respect are all very important culturally at the moment. \- Men are being called out for things, held accountable, and generally have to tread more cautiously than in previous generations. Misogyny is becoming an extreme taboo, while on many corners of the internet and real life, misandry is encouraged. \- Taylor Swift is the biggest artist in the world right now. Her music is made to almost exclusively cater towards women. Female artists who make music for other women are becoming increasingly common. \- Sex and dating has gone from generally either hookups or proper relationships (very easy to understand, black and white things) to ""situationships"", where the lines are more blurry, and complicated, and both parties must have a better knowledge of interpersonal dynamics, which is something that women are usually better at. \- If you really want to see this trend, look at how a lot more men are becoming insecure, powerless, and vulnerable to far-right movements. This is due to confusion and displacement because all of the above happened in only a couple of years. If we look back to 2019 even; leggings, long hair, edgy memes, trap music, open misogyny, sports, action-packed superhero movies, and other male-oriented things made up the zeitgeist. This decade will most likely be marked by government policy moving farther into realms of authoritarianism, misogyny, and patriarchy while youth culture pulls in the other direction, even becoming toxic itself. These two will drive the other farther as a reaction. Sentiments like ""any man who has ever been a douchebag before is an irredeemable narcissist who should wallow in shame for the rest of his life"", ""it isn't my job to educate you, be better"", ""If he doesn't understand Barbie, break up with him"", and ""icks"" are going to force more men to the far right. More men signing onto the Andrew Tate bandwagon combined with an overturning of Row v. Wade, ""anti-woke"", ""Get back to the kitchen"" type stuff is going to give young women more probable cause to be weary and show little empathy or understanding towards men.",,25,Snickelheimar,2023-11-30 02:06:40 PurplePillDebate,187bfgd,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, etc... in this thread. Here you can post everything you don't think warrants it's own thread. Or just do some socialising. Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. &#x200B; If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,10,AutoModerator,2023-11-30 06:00:24 PurplePillDebate,187926k,Many women take male attention for granted,"A while back, I was discussing dating issues and a woman showed me a post on the Ask Women sub about women's experiences being hit on by men. The idea was to show me a woman's perspective and help me realize that life is not so easy for a woman. I read the comments, and yes there were many who posted stories about being harrassed by (usually much older) men. However, there were also many comments from older women talking about the attention they still receive from men at their age. It sounded like they were bragging about it, as if to say ""I've still got it"". This is why to me, all these complaints from young women about men being pigs, men being sexual predators who are a threat to women, have an expiration date. And it comes at a point where they reach an age where they become invisible. By then, their thinking shifts. They start longing for the glory days of their youth, rather than thinking about their youth as a troubled time when she was under siege by creepy men. That guy who she thought was a creepy bridge troll who hit her up and who she wished would crawl back under that bridge from where he came suddenly is remembered more fondly. Suddenly, he turns into the guy who could see how special she was. And when she's out and about, those rare cat calls she receives won't be as poorly received as it used to be. It's like that post on the front page about the woman at the gym who farted on a guy to get him to leave her alone. Will she be passing gas on guys at the gym paying her attention in another 20 years? Probably not. Her butt hole will likely remain clenched at that point. And make no mistake, these glory years that these women take for granted, where they spend that time chastising unattractive men for daring to look at them, are in fact fleeting. A decently attractive girl who turned me down around just 10 years ago looks absolutely horrendous now. Now what would happen between us? She likely says yes to dating me. But for me, it would be a resounding no.",,8,rejected-again,2023-11-30 03:51:44 PurplePillDebate,187699c,"Why do older people seem to give younger men more credit compared to younger women, in dating?","When it comes to the subject of age gap dating there was a thread before, about how women users, and perhaps some men too, chimed in that they were concerned about women in their early 20s dating older men. However, why is it that older people are concerned about young women dating older men, but whenever a young guy is dating an older woman or just having a fling with one, the reaction usually seems to be ""meh, whatever, he can handle it, she's probably doing him a favor"". Why is it that people give young men credit for being able to handle someone older, but young women are considered not as mature in comparison to handle it, or are considered more vulnerable?  It just seems more sexist towards young women compared to young men, unless I am wrong? But this is the part I find to be sexist towards women and hypocritical is that people think they are the weaker, more vulnerable gender still.",,10,harmonica2,2023-11-30 01:38:47 PurplePillDebate,1873uug,Resilience is probably the most important personality trait you can have as a man dating,"Most of the pills more or less have their mythological characters that are designed for one purpose: a security blanket. If I were \_\_\_\_\_ then \[bad result\] wouldn't happen. So if it's TRP --- if I were alpha then women wouldn't cheat on me If it's black pill it's if I were chad then women wouldn't cheat on me. if it's bluepill it's if I were a good kind man then women wouldn't cheat on me. Ultimately, this is a big reason why these philosophies are juvenile. Any and everything can happen to you as a man. Comes with the territory. Men receive outsize negative feedback for losing (or rejection) but men also receive outsize rewards for victory. We all know what happens to men who complain about their dating lives or not getting laid, but if fortune turns and a man starts getting laid --- everything about that fact being known will spread and the only results will be positive. Case in point, those FB groups ""Are we Dating the Same Guy?"" afaik and my own experience...they're just helping the men on there be more successful. So ultimately, the best personality trait to hone as a guy is just resilience. It's cutting the time down that you spend feeling sorry for yourself after a failure. The less time you spend there is more time you're spent just mixing it up. And if you think a so called 'Chad' just has it super easy...check this dude out. Verified male model, great body, GREAT HEIGHT....and still....tons of rejections https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2ozvd9",,15,SeveralLiterature980,2023-11-29 23:48:02 PurplePillDebate,187pwvg,Low value guys always pretend they're better than low value women and its hilarious.,"# # Options For guys who are “more honest” I see a lot of complaining and blaming society for the shitty women they choose to date/pursue rather than themselves for not preferring being alone. For this reason, these think they deserve pity but not women because “women have options and still choose the bad ones”. Being happily single is an option and clearly these guys prefer the bad option # # Self-improvement Then there’s self improvement. “Women are such princesses, always elevating each other up with undeserved praise.” is what I usually hear about females. It seems to be more jealousy than actual criticism. Whenever people suggest to a guy who is struggling with women to improve himself to get better options, excuses come in, the advice is criticized, and labelled ‘toxic’. How is that different from fat activists that keep insisting their morbid obesity isnt a problem? # # “Low value” vs Low value Speaking fat people, fat women, older women, single moms, women from a terrible family, and women on medication are labelled ‘low value’ by the manosphere and yet, these women are doing better than the guys struggling to get female attention. Ironically, while men cry how nice guys finish last, they never see women with a vile personality as low value like the other women listed. # # Slut-shaming My favorite: Complaining about high n count women as filthy and not deserving of respect, but clearly want to fuck them or have fucked them. Entertaining these women makes you just as terrible. Guys who truly believe they’re above such women don’t waste time being around these women. I’s just male sluts delude themselves into think most women desire them for LTR, but they don’t. Women who knowingly date community dick are sluts themselves or they’re pick me girls. # # Terrible Baby Mamas/Daddies I love this thing where guys commonly berate women for being stupid when it comes to picking a bad baby daddy, but guys are quite fine with guys choosing bad baby mamas and still see guys as the victim. You know you can't trust this woman to not whore around and commit paternity fraud, but you will plan to put a baby in her. That is unbelievably selfish to do the child to be brought into the world in a toxic relationship where daddy can't stop thinking the worst about mommy because he’s always paranoid about being cuck OR he’s fine being cucked by his whore girlfriend/wife just so long as she has his progeny. Not seeing how that is different from women who choose to have kids with guys who are clearly losers/scumbags. # # Woe is me Last but not least: The victim complex. I still don’t understand how guys can sit there, watch how terrible SJWs and Karens are, see how embarrassing and hateful they are…..and then adopt their way thinking but then act shocked you’re just as unpopular. Also, its not other people’s problem if you cant tell the difference between calling out bad behavior and being sexist.",,0,LillthOfBabylon,2023-11-30 18:49:49 PurplePillDebate,186tvhp,For those who believe it’s impossible to find women who aren’t promiscuous - do you believe promiscuity is natural in women then?,"The obsession with female purity, virginity and how many men she’s slept with is pretty evident in any pill orientated spaces. There is a real fear in many men on marrying or getting in a committed relationship with a woman who they deem slutty which can range from them not being a virgin to having slept with over a 100 men. When asked why female promiscuity disgusts them so much, the answer can range from they just find it icky no larger explanation needed, to they believe a promiscuous women lack self control thus will be more likely to cheat, leave them, be less satisfied with the relationship or fear they will be used/settled for by a ‘former h\*e whos done having her fun with chads etc. I think there been lots of threads delving into the reasons why so I don’t want dwell on them too much. Now obviously if you have this distaste or disgust for perceived female promiscuity, the logical answer is to simply find a woman who is not promiscuous by your standards. Yet the it seems the reasons we keep having these same discussions over and over again on this topic is because many men insist it’s impossible for them to find a woman who is not promiscuous by their standards. Its either every woman around them is not a virgin, is sleeping around constantly, has had at least one, one night stand with chad etc. So discussions feel more like an exercise in trying to convince (young) women not to be promiscuous by coming up with scenarios that will scare them into changing their behavior ( ex: your going to die alone if don’t settle down young) or just ranting about the problem. Now in my opinion, if every women you know is promiscuous doesn‘t that logically point to the idea that promiscuity is natural in women? Some will say no, by claiming women outside western countries are not, but couldn’t that be due to them living a more conservative culture but when women are more ‘free’ their behavior tends towards being more promiscuous? I am not saying I agree with this notion but if really so impossible for many men to find a woman who is not promiscuous while it’s super easy to find men who are not, doesn‘t that lead to one to conclude that women are more prone to promiscuous behavior? Of if you have this belief ( it’s hard to find non promiscuous women in the western world) do you believe there other factors that influence women’s behavior that causes them to be promiscuous rather than it being natural? I think this could be an interesting so I’m open to hear everyone’s thoughts.",,36,SapphireRising225,2023-11-29 16:45:01 PurplePillDebate,1874kcb,About being late to respond back to guys’ texts.,"In regards to responding to messages/texts from a man that’s actively pursuing you, based on your own experiences and the experiences of your female friends and circles, which is more generally true for when women are late (depends on one’s subjective threshold, but let’s assume 24 hours) to respond to messages/texts: A) “If she’s truly interested & attracted to you, she will do whatever possible in her busy day to reply. It doesn’t matter how busy she is. If she likes you, she’ll reply. If it takes her (x amount of time) to reply, she’s just not into you.” or B) “No matter how attracted she might be to you, she lives her own life and she has her own things to do. She’ll reply when it’s not disrupting her day, so be patient. Not everything will revolve around you.” If there’s a third option for men to keep in mind, please feel free to explain (if it’s just a variation of “I’m not interested”, I’d count that as option A).",,7,NARANagi,2023-11-30 00:19:56 PurplePillDebate,186lyxp,Do women act incognizant to avoid accountability?,"Every day there are hundreds of incredibly detailed posts written on reddit advice subs. They are almost always written with a level of detail that would require the writer to know full well what is going on. But for some reason, they are always concluded with - &#x200B; ""So what do you all think? Am I being too sensitive? I mean he's only assaulting me weekly now and I'm finally getting to keep some of my paycheck. He's a pretty great boyfriend other than all of the stuff I've detailed out here. Is it worth continuing this relationship? "" &#x200B; All I can assume is this is a defense mechanism used to distance themselves from any accountability that would come with being aware of the situation. Is there some other reasoning that I don't see?",,37,Im_Unsure_For_Sure,2023-11-29 10:01:15 PurplePillDebate,186t9lk,Do women confirm to hive mind thinking?,"A [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/186osdp/we_should_judge_men_for_their_past/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) today saying about how women should judge men based on their past as if they don't do that already. The one thing that surprised me is like men when judging on the past of the woman tend to evaluate based on the condition on why was the woman rejected? Does she self sabotage? Does she always make bad choices? which are valid questions. When women do they are just like if no woman has accepted the guy, they shouldn't either which also seems a valid point. But what if the guy who has had a multiple failed relationships because he was an asshole? By this logic he still gets a pass because he had a lot of relationships. A [comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/186osdp/comment/kb9wzv8/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) which said women want what other women have also fits the explanation. So for a man, the traits of women he wants are virgin or a low body count. Some even do date one with a high body count as guys here can say. But no woman wants a virgin but only ones who had been vetted (even though wrongly) by other women in the past. Doesn't that mean women have a hive mind thinking like if one woman thinks a guy is fuckable so every woman will and if a guy has never been vetted by any woman (no questions asked as to why) then he is unfuckable?",,10,thedarkracer,2023-11-29 16:19:47 PurplePillDebate,186tex3,Is much of the incel problem due to highly Trad/Conservative men?,"My instinct is yes, but I do not know the answer. Also, I don't know if the problem is a low pool of conservative women or if it is the values themselves putting women off. For example, I would think bothering about someone being a virgin is very off-putting (I would find it upsetting if partners were policing that). Also, I am very educated and enjoy working outside the home. If I had a partner who thought all that was bad somehow, just because, and wanted a traditional role, I would not be happy with it. I guess there are women who think they want the trad role, though, so these things might not be as off-putting for women as I am imagining it to be. Regarding size of dating pool: Here's a long article from putanumonit: https://putanumonit.com/2020/01/26/skewed-and-the-screwed/ The TLDR is that the skewed numbers of liberal women make dating pretty easy for liberal men and hard for conservative men. Also, there's some major signaling and purity-testing involved in those tribal affiliations, so they won't mix much. (And looking a little deeper, if this is true, it would contribute explanatory power to why the trad think it's ""obvious"" that women have all the advantages, and how could you ever kid yourself otherwise, while the liberal men would have a lived experience to the contrary). Again, I don't actually know. It's likely a combination of factors like Y=.3(liberal)+.08(gender mix of state)+.3(education and wealth)+.3(attractiveness/health/facial symmetry)+E **Basically Liberal/Conservative men may be groups that live in totally different dating worlds. I *think* this is the case, but I am interested in unpacking exactly why that is, or even if this is true or not.**",,7,infps,2023-11-29 16:25:48 PurplePillDebate,186rkpr,How many men would a man need to be able to defend against before it's not unattractive to run away?,"I am not an advocate for fights, and I will always try to run. However, if a man is faced against one aggressive man, do women prefer he stands and defends himself physically, or run? What if it's 2 men? 3? When can a man run away without a woman thinking he's unattractive Women, please be honest. If you feel the ick, it's not your fault. But please be honest. Again you don't control your own icks so please be honest. Thank you",,7,Consistent-Gur6932,2023-11-29 15:08:06 PurplePillDebate,186rnjb,"If we assume that 20/80 rule is true, how would u describe the top 20% guy (in early 20s)?","Lets take dudes in university age. How would u describe top 20% guy in university. Of course there might be different combinations, rich guy with alot of status will have an advantage over maybe a better looking but poor man, but at the same time, i dont think that things like money are that important when u are a student, especially if u want girls to go for you, not for your money",,4,AntClear933,2023-11-29 15:11:20 PurplePillDebate,186w7qx,when is a woman actually good enough to commit to?,"unsure of whether i should tag this as discussion or question for red pill, but i wouldn’t say this question is necessarily aimed at red pillers. although others might see this as an odd question or a question with a obvious answer, but here it is. when is a woman actually good enough to commit to? or why are there such a confusing criteria for what makes a woman good enough to commit to? i feel like i have this question because i had recent realizations about having a “hoe” phase. it was unknowingly, meaning that by the time that i realized that’s what was happening, i was already in that phase. i wasn’t aware that there was an idea that casual sex was considered empowering so i never bought into it. never sought out casual, sexual relationships to begin with. just met guys, assumed that when we talked that the situation wasn’t purely sexual but wasn’t against having sex before a commitment. after i lost my virginity, i wanted to stop doing it before really getting to know them (months into talking/dating) then before a commitment cause i just didn’t like that things didn’t lead anywhere yet i had sex with the man. and didn’t know that this, apparently, made guys look at you differently. but i found that when i would say no, i wasn’t taken seriously and it was challenged most of the time. which i won’t explain too much more to shorten the post, but i’m not afraid of clarifying. but now, i’ve had a hoe phase. and according to red pillers, i’m used goods and no longer good enough for a real commitment. but ion my experience, i wasn’t good enough when i wanted to wait or when i didn’t have a high body count. i’m aware that a low body count isn’t the only thing that makes someone good enough for a LTR. i understand that there are different opinions on what makes someone good enough, cause personal standards, but i guess i ask cause sometimes red pillers act as though men are a monolith. idk TLDR: according to red pillers, i wouldn’t be good enough for a LTR because i had a hoe phase. but i wasn’t seen as good enough or desired for a LTR before this phase so when is a woman good enough to commit to?",,2,[deleted],2023-11-29 18:20:57 PurplePillDebate,186uufk,What was your parent's relationship dynamic like?,"Obvious question is in the title, but to give you a place to start if you aren't sure: * Did you see your father flirt with or be physically affectionate with your mother? * Did you see your mother flirt with or be physically affectionate with your father? * If there were problems, what were they and how aware of them were you? * Did your father ever talk badly about your mother to you or in front of you or to her in front of you? * Did your mother ever talk badly about your father to you or in front of you or to her in front of you? * Did they talk well or admiringly of each other? * What was the chore division between them like? * What was the child-care division between them like? * What was the financial division between them like? (To the extent you were aware) * Did they seem to love each other would you say? * Was there obvious toxicity or abuse that the questions above don't mention? * Were they faithful to each other? * Would you want a relationship like theirs?",,3,MistyMaisel,2023-11-29 17:24:33 PurplePillDebate,186ji5d,Attraction cannot be quantified. Discuss.,"Wonderful, wild and weird. Everyone is a pervert in this field of human endeavour, we all have our particularities, expectations and pre conceptions. It is astounding to have women admit the ease they can lose feelings, but then on closer examination, a person with genuine self worth and self respect should lose feelings easy if they encounter a complication rather than an addition to their life, in short ""is my attraction to this individual worth the risk?"" To my own interior world, my life? I use Women as the example because it is they who set the guidelines for men to play around. Attraction no matter how it's played with ""rationality"" is an animal, it is a primal instinct, I think it is a real sizing up sense, so much of it is subliminal communication, a sizing up within our civilisational jungle. You only choose after you are attracted, women are wiser in this regard, I think, or just I have no standards in the sense that I quite happy to be knocked around as long as I get love now and again.",,13,GlasgaAccentfurYanks,2023-11-29 07:03:23 PurplePillDebate,1867iat,Men say they want one thing in women yet their actions say something else entirely,"A lot of men love to talk about and idolise traditional women who are virgins, stay at home moms, feminine ect. They talk about the value of such women and how they are much better then modernised western women. Yet the second a man gets into a position of power or high status and now has access to a large variety of women he nearly always chooses the hottest ig baddie he can find- which are completely against every traditional value they praise they want their women to have What annoys me is that these men will criticse women for having high, superficial standards (as they believe they have more options for dating) but the second a man gets into a position where his dating pool increases all the traditional values he idolised in a woman get thrown out the window and he just goes for the hottest chick there is. I'm not saying there aren't a lot of women out there with inflated ego and unrealistic expectations, because there are, but a wide majority of men would be exactly the same if they were in the position of those women. Both suck. Furthermore, men can preach about how much they love modest religious women but at the end of the day all it is, is empty words. These type of women end up getting approached the least since they ""don't give it up easy"" and are a ""waste of time"" compared to other ""easier"" woman who are more willing to date/have sex earlier on. As a ""modest good woman"" who has friends who both sleep around and are also more conservative my ""hoe"" friends get pursued for a relationship much more then me or any of my more traditional friends do. And it isn't about attractiveness since we are relatively similar in terms of looks. (in fact I'd say my traditional friends are objectively more attractive as well) And please no one complain about this being a generalisation because yes there are exceptions and no I'm not saying every man does this, but enough do for me to highlight the hypocrisy of it.",,69,Economy-House171,2023-11-28 21:37:12 PurplePillDebate,186hqac,Only when you get rejected by a woman do you know who she really is,"I have come to realize that you think you might know her, but only when the truth comes out about your feelings for her does it become apparent who she is. It is only when this happens, do you realize that she is a user who was exploiting you for attention, gifts, etc., or that she is an unpleasant individual who actually is disgusted by your very existence, or any other realities that you hadn't anticipated. Women have a separate persona for their daily interactions with the public, as well as their real self. I have seen this real self first hand and it can be quite nasty. And you can see this real self when things get personal like when romantic feelings are involved. You might be having what you think is a nice conversation and she might come across as a lovely person to be around. However, once it becomes apparent that you like her as more than a friend, the tone changes. It sometimes changes on a dime actually. It's actually quite startling. Going from someone who sounds as if she's hanging on your every word to acting like you're not fit to breathe the same air as her. You then realize that you didn't know her at all. You only knew what she presented to you, until the mask fell off. And it's like when they realize the ugly man likes them, and it offends every fibre of their being, do they drop any pretense of friendliness. So I wonder, women, why do you react in such a way? Why does a man you find unattractive, cause such a horrible visceral reaction in you? It's one thing to be uninterested in him, but to treat the guy like a leper and act like you're the victimized party is confusing. Is the idea of an ugly man thinking he has a chance with you really that offensive that it causes you to violently lash out in such a manner?",,11,rejected-again,2023-11-29 05:17:17 PurplePillDebate,1861y2b,“modern women” aren’t real. They’re a result of algorithmically driven content consumption.,"“modern women” in accordance to these manosphere definitions - ie. entitled, very high n count, has an OF account, only aims for ‘chad’, will divorce you over nothing, will freak out if you approach them - you know the type. It’s all internet fear porn meant to generate content and views. This ‘modern woman’ you speak of might describe some people, but they aren’t the norm. Most people don’t consider how online content is tailor made to fit their consumption habits, and because of this what they see online and what online content creators tell them becomes their perception of reality. The manosphere and pill spaces are no different, your worldview and your view on women is built on content fed to you by an algorithm based on your consumption habits - not reality. There is also something to be said about the advertised Redpill lifestyle (ie. hyper materialistic, shallow, constant and active mind games/manipulation, constantly flaunting) that actively attracts this type of women because you present yourself as that type of man.",,100,KayRay1994,2023-11-28 17:47:39 PurplePillDebate,185x7jk,I think many men want single women to be miserable because it gives them a sense of importance.,"One thing that I’ve noticed when watching and reading redpill content is that there is an obsession with the dating life’s of single women particularly older single women who are perceived to have ‘hit the wall.’ There an entire YouTube channels dedicated, for example, to largely posting out of often time out of context clips of women on social media discussing their dating lives. Here are there channels that I found that illustrate what I’m talking about: (1) [Manosphere Highlights](https://www.youtube.com/@manospherehighlightsdaily) (2) [Taylor the Fiend](https://www.youtube.com/@taylorthefiend973) (3) [Tribe of Men](https://www.youtube.com/@TribeOfMenYT) Not only YouTube channels, but many redpill influencers on Twitter and other social media platforms often spend their days scouting the web for any media or articles of women complaining about their dating life’s or lament being single to post constantly. Now it’s obvious to me this content is popular because that’s what their audience likes to consume. The question is why? Why are tiktok videos of some chick complaining about a bad date or how she hates being single so fascinating to them? I don’t see opposite equivalent of women dedicating an entire YouTube channels to finding posts or videos of men complaining about their dating lives. Well I think the most common answer is that’s a form of revenge fantasy that can imagine all the women that rejected them ending up alone miserable. Another factor I think is not talked about, is that it’s also a way for some men to feel needed and important to imagine that they, they alone, are the central component to ‘women’s happiness.’ And any women forgoes following the correct life script they have for them ( marry young, virgin or low n count, etc), it wont matter what other relationships she has in her life, or what other accomplishments she has in her life, she will be destined for a life of misery and loneliness. I think a lot men don't feel like they are wanted as much anymore, especially nowadays when women are more economically independent and self-efficient. So imagining that women still depend and need them (average men) in some ways makes them feel better about themselves. &#x200B; I’ve noticed this line of thinking is very prevalent in many redpill and even mainstream tradcon circles, that it’s impossible for a single older women especially to ever be happy, they are all miserable and lonely because they don’t have a man. It’s to the point when any older women expresses any type of sadness in her life these guys will just assume it’s because she’s sad she’s unmarried or childless. One example of this was someone posting a [video](https://twitter.com/babygravy9/status/1629534848946778114?s=46&t=PA8LT4BlR_FufAyxiPezZg) of a woman on tiktok crying after she used a filter that turned her into a teenager again The men all assumed she was crying because she wished she could be young again and have more male attention despite the woman never saying that. They assumed she was emotional because she wasn't married/childless and hit the wall. It turns out the woman was crying because had amnesia and couldn't remember her teen years which caused her to become emotional. The woman was also married with three children. &#x200B; Another reason which leads me to this conclusion, I’ve noticed a lot redpill content is constantly coming up with scenarios which play on the idea of women freaking out or being sorry because they need men but men no longer need them. This [video](https://rumble.com/v2gxf6x-women-begging-for-bailouts-increases-solo-life-is-tougher-than-they-bargain.html) is a good example, he’s paints a scenario of women having depend on men to save them but this time men aren’t going save the womenfolk which will cause them to be sorry. I see these redpillers constantly fantasizing over these scenarios of women who rejected them or didn’t lived in accordance to how they think women should live, end up sad, miserable, and alone, begging men (average men) to save. Which they have power to reject. The whereallthegoodmen subreddit is a good example of guys projecting that fantasy onto random women. &#x200B; But that's just my take, Im open to here other perspectives.",,159,SapphireRising225,2023-11-28 14:23:17 PurplePillDebate,186v5xz,Attractive women generally have more positive “cold approach” experiences than less attractive women and they also experience fewer men lashing out at them when they reject men.,"Not only that, some attractive women will knowingly engage in behavior they know men won’t like (being led on) because some like having orbiters and many attractive women don’t feel endangered by their orbiters. Misogynistic men look down on unattractive women and see that as license to be sleazy towards them because it feels like less risk to them. And if they are rejected they will be insulted because they think they are better than the unattractive woman so they lash out as it is a bigger blow to their ego.",,1,thisreallyisnotok,2023-11-29 17:37:34 PurplePillDebate,186hf2g,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, etc... in this thread. Here you can post everything you don't think warrants it's own thread. Or just do some socialising. Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. &#x200B; If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,9,AutoModerator,2023-11-29 05:00:15 PurplePillDebate,186dj1s,Are most men actually geared for romance or is it usually just a means to an end?,"There’s an amusing adage that romance for women is roses on a piano whilst romance tor men is tulips on an organ which whilst a bit crass and not completely accurate contains and essential truth I think that men are generally speaking more concerned the carnal rather than emotional elements of a romantic relationship. Of course women like sex and men like feeling wanted and loved, but I can’t help but feel like a lot of outwardly romantic gestures are performed not because of some pure intention to make the other person feel adored but because they think it will help their chances of getting laid or because it’s what they think they’re supposed to do in a relationship, so it strikes me as being performative a lot of the time. I’ve always considered myself to be really unromantic, that’s to say I never really feel inclined toward the usual gestures or romance - flowers, chocolates, cards, setting my wallpaper to us kissing, constant hand holding etc but I make people feel appreciated in other ways mainly by actually taking an interest in their life and wellbeing and trying to support them where possible, trying to make them laugh and smile in other ways and conveying sexual desire but without needing to be constantly caressing and kissing them in public. It seems to me that most romantic gestures don’t actually require much thought or sincerity anyway, just ask the guys (and gals) I know who have done it all whilst cheating or love bombing whilst abusing. Maybe I’m being too cynical though. What do you think? I",,15,StaticNocturne,2023-11-29 01:50:52 PurplePillDebate,186d8jj,Does the Madonna complex cause relationships to get ruined?,"Whenever I meet a girl, and I have a desire to compliment her beauty or initial sexual talk, I stop myself and literally keep it PG-13. I do this in order to ""impress her"" into thinking ""Wow he's so pure and doesn't think about sex"" But many men and women alike have told me, we are sexual beings. Everyone wants sex. And that one shouldn't be afraid to express the desire. Because obviously a relationship will have sex This has been the NUMBER ONE reason I always get put into the friendzone by girls who HAVE liked me before",,16,Consistent-Gur6932,2023-11-29 01:37:33 PurplePillDebate,186q6fm,"""She cheated on me."" Older men with little or no relationship experience should slander someone to claim experience.","18% of college-educated adults have never been married by the age of 40. This used to be a much smaller number decades ago, well before the male loneliness epidemic. I'm willing to bet that a lot of people in that 18% have no relationship experience, either. Older men with little or no relationship experience should simply slander someone to claim experience. All it takes is to embellish a failed date or two to personalize systemic victimhood issues. ""She cheated on me."" As long as men have at least some dating experience, these words can be uttered. Who doesn't love a good victimhood story? Oh yes, even limerents can be inspired by their objects of limerence to slander some past failed date elsewhere.",,1,FromAuntToNiece,2023-11-29 14:06:25 PurplePillDebate,1868dmz,Q4M: how would you feel if a girl put you on a pedestal?,"We all know how a common mistake that inexperienced makes make is to put women on a pedestal. A male like that would cancel plans with friends to make time for her. Go waaay out of his way to please her. Break his bank account for her. Never contradicts her, never teases her, never challenges her. Etc. Now... what if you met a single woman squarely in your league looks-wise... but instead of acting normal, she put YOU on a pedestal? Would that turn you off? Give you the ick? How would you respond?",,16,Windmill_flowers,2023-11-28 22:10:49 PurplePillDebate,186bwal,"How come the red pill doesn't believe in PUA to get women, or at least they do concentrate on it much?","In the red pill it's almost always about how much money you make and how often you go to the gym, and although those things are good, I found in my experience that reading PUA books and practicing has helped me a lot. I am autistic and have a gf and trying to help get my autistic brother a gf as well.  So my best bet is to probably have him read and practice from the same books.  The books I read before were The Mystery Method and Double Your Dating.  They helped me immensely.  But PUA is almost never discussed in TRP, and I wonder, if there is a reason for that?",,10,harmonica2,2023-11-29 00:36:22 PurplePillDebate,186o2ec,"Guys who focus on single motherhood, paternity fraud, medication use, etc are bad judge of character.","It’s fascinating how guys here will look for indicators instead just observing her behavior. Then I realize, they cant observe her behavior objectively. Theyre most likely the type who simps for a girl and struggle to look at her without rose tinted glassed because he wants her body. I remember guys saying that “its easy to get a paternity test to confirm she’s faithful” because they dont want to put in the time to observe if she’s a faithful person. I roll my eyes when guys will claim “People hates guys with no standards and people hate guys when they do have standards”. One of the problems is certain guys will vet for traits other than personality, and then cry that it’s society’s fault that he didn’t vet for personality and kept getting women with shitty personalities. Though, I also wonder if its a wounded pride thing from desperate men. As long as she’s not a single mom, they’ll put up with a manipulative cheating bitch. As long as she loves her family, they’ll put up with a manipulative cheating bitch. As long she’s not on medication, they’ll put up with a manipulative cheating bitch. As long as long as the child is biologically his, they’ll tolerate a manipulative cheating bitch. In case I still need to fill up more space, here’s some more theories: \- Actually giving a shit about a woman’s personality tires them out. \- These are the only types of hot girls that are willing to hang with these guys. \- His personality isn’t good either so why would a good person want to associate with him? ",,1,LillthOfBabylon,2023-11-29 12:16:32 PurplePillDebate,186321x,What was your relationship with your mother like?,"Pretty much question in the title, but to give some strands for people who may not know where to begin answering: * Are or were you close with her (talk to her about your life, your problems, did activities together)? * How much menial labor did your mother perform for you past the age at which you needed her to do it (cooking, cleaning, laundry, driving, shopping chores, etc.). Obviously I'm not talking about a mother feeding her 2 year old. * If you were upset by something in life (whatever it is whether it be work, school, girls, friends, or something else) did you share it with her or your father or both? * How did your mother treat you when you were being good or exceptional? * How did your mother treat you when you were being bad or rotten? * Did your mother do anything special with you or teach/show you anything special or memorable? ",,24,MistyMaisel,2023-11-28 18:33:21 PurplePillDebate,1875tmy,Having 0 suitors and 100 suitors is the same thing if you don’t like any of them,"A common complaint here is how women have 100s of suitors while the men are struggling to find one woman willing to be with them. A woman having men she wouldn’t want to touch with a ten foot pole is basically the same thing as not having any options. They feel more like insects you can’t get rid of. I’m sure men wouldn’t feel flattered if bunch of women they didn’t find attractive would bother them (for more than sex ofc) for love and commitment.",,0,ThrowRAsweeter,2023-11-30 01:18:36 PurplePillDebate,185w8e5,Where are men finding so many dysfunctional crappy women?,"I just find it fascinating how so many men here seem to only know women who keep dating abusers, bullies, felons, and obviously terrible men. It’s like a weird reality where decent men never get women to love them. And when it’s not her dating awful men, she’s an awful person such as hating men being vulnerable, manipulating guys using her body to get her way, always comparing guys to the shitty men in her life despite him clearly not being shitty, mocks men that dont fit her preferences, always posting thirst traps for attention, and most importantly, can't be trust to not whore and lie about her baby daddy. Also, women who actually follow this AF/BB scenario where she is fucking around with hot douchbags and then settles down with a simp she mistreats are definitely not the norm. In fact, a woman like that would have to be extremely popular with guys to pull that off. I know people cant control the environment they were raised in, but as an adult, you should definitely have more control of your social circle, especially with the internet where you can find people beyond your local area. You’re telling me that even online, guys can't find women with normal lives?",,30,LillthOfBabylon,2023-11-28 13:38:02 PurplePillDebate,185xoae,why do you all take the manipulative arguments of the opposite sex so seriously?,"both men and women are constantly trying to manipulate each othe rinto serving their sex's sexual imperative. this happens both on these types of forums and on ""advice"" sites (and even IRL!). when you see men playing the victim they are trying to manipulate you, when you see women shaming your sexuality or getting hysterical over ""approaches"" they are trying to manipulate you. just because someone says something doesnt make it true or in your interest. the sexes have never sought advice from the opposite sex, go ask member of your own sex how to behave and be skeptical of the opposite sex advice like all other humans have since the dawn of time",,22,-Shes-A-Carnival,2023-11-28 14:44:42 PurplePillDebate,185r7dy,The one factor that causes the breakdown of the relationship that we're apparently not allowed to discuss: children. (part 2),"The last time I talked about how things like Dead Bedrooms and relationship dissatisfaction are often caused by children and how TRP never talks about this factor even though they often talk about all other factors. This time I even bring receipts. There are in fact many studies that link having children to relationship dissatisfaction. [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8062063/pdf/pone.0249516.pdf](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8062063/pdf/pone.0249516.pdf) [https://archive.is/GWK8P](https://archive.is/GWK8P) [https://fortune.com/2016/05/09/mothers-marriage-parenthood/](https://fortune.com/2016/05/09/mothers-marriage-parenthood/) Your wife didn't lose attraction because you were ""too beta"". She's sleep deprived because she has a baby and is upset that she doesn't get enough support. ",,56,Novel-Tip-7570,2023-11-28 08:22:40 PurplePillDebate,185t3fi,I'm the Founder of an AI companion app and I believe Boyfriend AI will be much larger than Girlfriend AI,"So I founded and run LoverGPT, an AI companion platform where users can dirty talk with AI. &#x200B; I think the conversation to date has been massively skewed towards girlfriends, because it fits the agenda, whereas the most interest and biggest market once the early adoption phase is over, will be AI boyfriends. I think it'll become similar to the toy market. Males are (generally) visually-led, where women are imagination-led. There is much better visual adult content out there, compared to what you can make with AI (images basically), whereas the ability to craft a story with AI and listen/read it while using your imagination is unmatched. So why is the convo all about AI girlfriends? Men more techy so earlier to adopt? Women less open about talking about this sort of thing? An agenda to paint men as weirdos? Keen to hear thoughts.",,33,pornopapi,2023-11-28 10:34:54 PurplePillDebate,186pnss,They say that single women tend to be happier than single men. It shows that the problem is men don't learn how to be happy,"Obviously sometimes mental health is hard to fix. but I believe a lot of the unhappy incel problems is on the self. And no I'm not bias you can check some of my other posts I've posted before women sometimes make self crested problems too. Here's my male version. There exist more happy single women than happy single men. Why? Because men put their happiness in finding a girlfriend. Its on them to go to therapy, find a hobby they like etc .",,0,Logical_Round_5935,2023-11-29 13:42:03 PurplePillDebate,1859irm,Women criticise men for having reasonable boundaries,"As a woman myself I've seen too much criticism for any standards men might have. Not talking about the delusional red/black pillers but normal guys with very reasonable standards. Whenever a guy mentions how he doesn't want his partner to dress in a vulgar way or post bikini pictures or go to night clubs pretty much naked ect, he gets labelled as being toxic, controlling and insecure. Its incredibly hypocritical because these are the same women who then turn around and get mad at their partner for liking pictures of girls dressed in a vulgar way. I really do think more women need to stop throwing these words around so lightly and more people in general should reliase that relationships require compromises.",,176,Economy-House171,2023-11-27 18:15:11 PurplePillDebate,185kufv,What do you have against men who have android phones instead of iPhones?,"https://old.reddit.com/r/facepalm/comments/1856xbq/apparently_android_phones_are_a_turnoff_for_women/ Sure maybe you don't care what kind of phone they have. But I'm sure you have friends that do it friends of friends that do. ""Green bubble"" phenomenon is definitely real. Why? What is so bad about using an android?",,26,scwizard,2023-11-28 02:11:45 PurplePillDebate,1855wqw,Women are far more socially brutal than men are,"There are often discussions here on how men can be evil due to violence and crimes etc. I want to point out that women can be just as cruel, but in other ways. One of the most evil things women do is social exclusion and reputation damage. They do that to men, and they do that to other women. Its most prevalent where this behaviour goes unchecked, like in high schools or colleges and other places where women can form groups and start their politics. I also dont think the ""unity"" of feminism prevents women from socially bullying other women, though maybe it does decrease the severity of it in some cases. Men however, especially if we are unpopular can end up at the receiving end of extreme and brutal ""social attacks"" from women. Anything from men being lynched/executed/jailed back on the day over a word of a woman, to men having their reputation tarnished, being socially exluded being labelled as undesirables (called weirdo or creep etc) are all methods used by women to brutalize men socially and either lower our social standing or exclude us entirely. Some people might think this isnt as much of a big deal, but i assure you that is only because it has not happened to you. And if you think from a primal setting, social exclusion, even without other members attacking you, still meant you would be left on your own to fend for your self. Even today, social exclusion can come with a lot of negative consequences, and can hurt you financially, emotionally and mentally.",,124,Tight-Breeder,2023-11-27 15:44:55 PurplePillDebate,185pv7v,Dominance/Aggression are better than being nice or even attractive for casual relationships,"This is in the context of regular men not celebrities. Studies consistently find that while women may not rate these type of men as the most attractive. They are the ones who typically find the most sexual success. Convicts typically have more kids. Taller men, whether ugly or not, tend to have more kids. Men who have more money and flaunt it, have more options. Men at the top of a industry that a woman's interested in, tend to have more success. However nice Men, women may report being more attractive to women, they tend to have less kids and consequently less sexual success. Women have even admitted that they are more likely to think your a virgin, if you are nice. With these facts in mind. Is it really a stretch that woman aren't all that nice and value things that aren't necessarily conducive to a relationship? criminals:https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1090513814000774#:~:text=Convicted criminal offenders had more,transmitted disease than non-offenders. physical dominance: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1090513817304105#:~:text=Results from structural equation models,and attractiveness with mating success. nice guy more likely to be a virgin: https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00926239908404010 edit: by attractive I mean like facially attractive but 5'4",,8,YtBlue,2023-11-28 06:50:45 PurplePillDebate,1852t2x,"It's almost impossible for a man to ""use"" a woman for sex unless she is mentally challenged or something.","you either consented to have sex with that person or not. Women make it sound like they're owed something in 'exchange' for the sex they give, like it was prostitution. Do they not enjoy sex? I also see this trend that the more empowered and independent women get -- the more they are prone to perceive themselves as victims of circumstances. Everything around them is a ""threat"". Hence why the word ""predator"" is now used not to describe actual criminal behavior, but men who are merely looking to score. What is even funnier is that this description comes at a time when women are nominally against slutshaming women doing hookups. Hegel once wrote that evil resides in they eye which percieves evil all around itself. Which is true for most terminally online crowds here. ",,131,Napo_De_Leone,2023-11-27 13:20:44 PurplePillDebate,186bd5m,Would you sign a prenup where your husband would require that he gets a custody if you initiate a divorce without him being at fault,"So I'm obviosly not talking about him being a ""bad guy"" but I have met a lot of men lately that got divorced only because their wife just didn't feel happy anymore...while I would understand that and I could wish my soon to be ex wife the best in her life, I couldn't really go over losing my children since courts give the custody mostly to mother. I would like to be able to raise my own children and if I am not guilty of cheating/abuse or whatever I really don't understand why should I lose them.",,0,AreOut,2023-11-29 00:13:32 PurplePillDebate,185ba2o,"What can older guys do to not feel shortchanged in the dating world, like they say?","It was said here in a past thread that a lot of guys are forced to wait until their 30s when dating becomes a lot easier, but that by this time the guys feel shortchanged some have said, because they didn't get to experience women when they were younger and the window of getting an inexperienced or virgin gf is closed by then. I also have found dating to be a lot easier in my 30s now as well. I don't really concentrate on feeling shortchanged as much, but think that the pay off was worth the wait, if there had to be a wait for such a payoff. However, if a lot of guys still feel shortchanged, as it was said, what can they do to feel that they are making up for it? Can guys make sure that they are making up for it, but in a good way?",,39,harmonica2,2023-11-27 19:26:49 PurplePillDebate,185j80b,Who are the bad boys women like? Confident men or dangerous/evil men?,"If they are confident men, then this includes guys who can approach a woman anywhere and strike up a convo to eventually get a number. This is not the same as a creep making weird sexual comments. This is a normal friendly conversation to see if two people vibe. The number is gotten to continue an emotional connection. I've heard many women say they would love to be approached in such a manner &#x200B; If they are dangerous / evil men, then why are women scared of these men and why do they hate them. So it can't be dangerous / evil men. However, why do some women say they would love to date a mafia boss, and why do some women truly date evil and dangerous men? &#x200B; &#x200B;",,13,Consistent-Gur6932,2023-11-28 00:54:58 PurplePillDebate,185n0rv,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, etc... in this thread. Here you can post everything you don't think warrants it's own thread. Or just do some socialising. Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. &#x200B; If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,7,AutoModerator,2023-11-28 04:00:10 PurplePillDebate,1850zw6,Birth rates are going to keep plummeting,"Because…. -Men nowadays don’t make enough money to even have kids. How are you going to support your partner and a newborn in this economy? -Having kids is a bad deal for women, and modern women are becoming aware of this. Ruins your looks, traumatising, painful, draining, can financially ruin you, loss of identity, risk of severe complications. -A lot of women are too scared to have kids. A lot of us grew up with single mothers and we know how incapable men are at being fathers, thus most women don’t want to risk being a single mother and the stigmatisation that goes along with that. Overall, I think in the future that only upper class women will be having kids to wealthy men. The rest of women will either remain childfree or the more loose women will have kids with someone genetically blessed aka chad.",,74,Icequeen343,2023-11-27 11:37:39 PurplePillDebate,185d1g2,What type of men do women not date because she is insecure or intimidated by him?,"I've often heard women say that men won't date certain women because they are intimidated by those women or because he's insecure. Usually it's brought up when talking about financially successful women, women with high body counts, or women who post sexy photos or do stuff like onlyfans. It got me wondering. What is the women's version of that? Who is the guy we can look at and say, ""He's not getting many dates because women are intimidated by him"". OR ""He's not getting many dates because women are too insecure to date""?",,11,shadowrangerfs,2023-11-27 20:39:51 PurplePillDebate,1859nwz,[Science] Age gap marriages are not uncommon among recently married.,"Found this article that somehow flew under my radar all this time: https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2014/12/04/tying-the-knot-again-chances-are-theres-a-bigger-age-gap-than-the-first-time-around/ Currently-ish (2013 American Community Survey), **15%** of men marrying for the first time marry a woman **at least** 6 years younger than themselves. Estimate jumps to **38%** for remarriages. Overall nation-wide estimate, including marriages that started decades ago, is around 18%. It is often brought up here that age gap marriages are both Ewww and a thing of the past; the first figure covers people **that got married in the last 12 months**. That is all. Discuss. EDIT: the post is mostly inspired by this comment: https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/184yukw/it_makes_more_biological_sense_for_an_older_woman/kb02gfx/?context=3 claiming that age gap marriages are mostly remnants ""from different times"".",,12,abaxeron,2023-11-27 18:20:54 PurplePillDebate,18589p9,It's understandable that women are looking for financial stability / success in men. Most are going about it in all the wrong ways. Let me explain.,"I completely understand why a woman would seek & be attracted to men who have high earning potential, are financially stable, etc. From a evolutionary standpoint, they likely subconsciously select for these traits because if they get pregnant, they need someone who can provide and protect while they are at their most vulnerable. This obviously extends post pregnancy too, as raising young kids is difficult, time consuming, expensive, and is a vulnerable time for mother and child/children. This desire for financial strength isn't the same as ""gold digging"" in my opinion. However, *in my opinion, MOST* women are going about filtering men based on financial stability in all the wrong ways. Let me explain... If you are truly looking for a man that can provide for you and your children (or future children), then it takes more than a surface level evaluation. First, you should understand what the man's general income is. What is his job? What is his title? How long has he been in this role? How long has he been in the industry? What company does he work for? How long has he been with the company? With this information, you can make a pretty accurate estimation of what they are getting paid. For a lot of jobs, you can find use google / glassdoor / etc to find out a good range of pay for the job/industry/company. In addition to this, find out if they have any secondary income. Do they have a second job? Do they have a rental property? Side hustles? Second, but just as important, you need to understand how they spend their money. ***In my opinion, this is where most women start to get fooled.*** Even if someone makes a lot of money, if they spend it irresponsibly, then they are financially stable/strong and won't be capable of providing financial stability without making major changes. While keeping their income in perspective, find out what where they live (what are they spending for rent/mortgage), what they drive (what are they spending in car payments), and other ways they spend money (clothes, jewelry, shoes, hobbies, etc). Third, make an evaluation based on income & lifestyle. Is their lifestyle within reasonable range of their income? In my opinion, this evaluation is rarely happening. Instead, women are often evaluating financial stability on lifestyle alone. This is a HUGE mistake, because an ""impressive"" lifestyle is often a great sign of poor financial stability. For instance, consider how easy and common consumer debt is in America. Many Americans are deeply in debt. Most ""nice"" vehicles come with large monthly payments with high interest rates. Lots of people can qualify for these loans, but that doesn't make it wise or impressive. Before you are impressed by man driving a nice/expensive vehicle, consider these things. If a man is making $50k a year and driving a $50k vehicle, this should be a red flag, NOT a green flag. The same thing applies to housing, clothes, hobbies, etc. Peel back a couple layers of the onion and consider the actual financial implications behind these things. If someone is spending lots of money, especially if they're not making a lot of money, this indicates they are not saving/investing for a stable future. You should NOT be impressed with poor investments (vehicles, clothes, jewelry, etc). There is a low threshold for access to these (credit is easy to come by), and it indicates decision making that is directly COUNTERPRODUCTIVE to financial stability. If you are seeking someone with financial stability who is more likely to be able to provide for you and a potential future family, you need to do this evaluation. You should look for someone who has a history of good financial decision making, stable employment history, likelihood for continued and increasing earning potential, and, MOST IMPORTANTLY, wise spending & investment habits. Therefore, you may want to seek out things that are somewhat counterintuitive to what many people see as markers for financial success. Look for those who are driving modest used vehicles that are likely paid off and have low maintenance costs. Look for those who are wearing modest clothing, shoes, & jewelry and appear to take good care of these things. ***In general, don't be impressed with those who are living beyond their means (based on the simple evaluation explained above).*** In closing, I would argue that if you are aware / conscious about this but haven't changed your method of evaluation, ***you are more concerned with the perception of wealth / financial stability rather than actual wealth / financial stability.*** I'd love to hear what others think about this, hoping it turns into a healthy discussion.",,8,helpadudeout9,2023-11-27 17:24:26 PurplePillDebate,185vb4p,Male obsession with virginity is overrated,"Reading PPD, RP you might get an impression, that majority of men value virginity. This is inaccurate to extrapolate to entire men. I made a poll in my community dedicated to gender discussions and asked men whether they prefer a virgin, or is viriginity not important, or would they prefer non-virgin (won't give links it is against the rules). Question assumed they are seeking a girlfriend in their age group, there was a split by age. So here are the results. 283 voted so far. 147 abstained (women and gay men asked not to vote) Don't want virgin (i.e. prefer non-virgin) - 26 Age 16-20: Want virgin- 8 Virginity is not important - 7 Age 20-25: Want virgin- 13 Virginity is not important - 26 Age 25-30: Want virgin- 1 Virginity is not important - 17 Age 30+: Want virgin- 3 Virginity is not important - 35 --- I didn't split ""prefer non-virgin"" into age buckets, because there was a limit of maximum 10 poll options. Not a real research, sample is too small, yet it seriously contradicts sentiment on PPD and in manosphere. I doubt that majority of men value viriginity, with exception of very young men who are often virgin themselves. &#x200B;",,0,WanabeInflatable,2023-11-28 12:50:45 PurplePillDebate,184s0ra,"""Don't listen to what women say, pay attention to their actions""... Is something alot of men should live by","This is mostly a statement using a red pill community. Of course there are extremes of every thing and I know a lot of people are going to take this the wrong way but oh well. A man should usually take what I want to say with a grain of salt. No this is not to say to never listen to him is words. That would be ridiculous. The address of the matter is to not fall for the smoking mirrors of women addressing their wants, their needs, who they're attracted to, and what they want out of the men they date. Nine times out of 10 if you listen to one man verbatim of what they want / need out of men you will get a lot of answers that will throw you for a loop. And of course this ties down to a lot of women are different and a lot of women are going to give an answer that they feel is correct. But that doesn't necessarily make it correct. Because they never had to pick women up",,62,Vegetable-Rub3418,2023-11-27 02:21:07 PurplePillDebate,184jllg,Women's struggles in dating are in no way equal to that of men,"""But women have shitty options"" So you are saying EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM doesn't meet your standards? &#x200B; ""Men have options too if they looked on the streets, they just don't like them"" So you are saying normal ass men are equal to a coke addict? &#x200B; ""Women don't like being used as sex objects"" Again, EVERY SINGLE woman is opposed to casual sex and EVERY SINGLE you are ""used as sex objects""? &#x200B; Like seriously, the fact that women are trying to equate their objectively better situation to men is insane. Let me say this very clearly. **HAVING OPTIONS IS BETTER THAN HAVING JACK SHIT. IF YOU WANTED JACK SHIT YOU CAN CHOOSE TO DO SO TOO**. If you were to find a true hypothetical equivalent it would be men getting in relationships easily, but they are all dead bedroom situations (which is clearly not the case).",,175,Many_Dragonfly4154,2023-11-26 20:13:47 PurplePillDebate,184prsg,“80% of women date 20% of men” is BS," The red pillers that constantly spout this belief that 80% of women date the top 20% men” have no idea how the real world works. Not only is there no data to back this up, but every 1/5 man is not some successful entrepreneur with looks. If you go to the female delusion calculator which is conducted by the us census bureau and NCHS and filter in your typical above average guy that all the women allegedly want “6ft, 6 figures, 6 pack” your probability of finding a guy like that is 2%… or only 2% of American men fit those standards In fact if you’re 5’9, not married, not obese and make 60k a year, you’re a 20% guy according to the female delusion calculator. Either 95% of women date 5% of men which makes no sense, or the manosphere is deliberately lying to their audience to pump courses and programs for 2000$ a piece",,79,Ok-Hope-8521,2023-11-27 00:33:43 PurplePillDebate,184wz3p,Are women turned off by men that dont have friends or other women interested in them ?,"I noticed if woman is interested in a guy but she finds out that he doesnt have friends or/ and other women arnt interested in the guy she loses interest Why is that ? Are you gonna date the other people or the man you like ? I dont have friends because all the people around me like clubbing and heavy drinking , and other women arnt very interested because im introverted and even if they flirt with me i cant tell",,21,ticaaaa,2023-11-27 07:00:39 PurplePillDebate,1853big,"Is the notion that men will sleep with just about any woman with a pulse misogynistic, misandrist or just accurate?","There is no doubt that the stereotype that men will sleep with more or less any woman given the opportunity exists. Has this notion however sprung from a place of misogyny or misandry or is it just a neutral and very obvious truth? Do men talk about sleeping with just about anyone as a way to keep a woman’s ego in check least she thinks that her ability to obtain sex so easily makes her more attractive then he is? Is woman talking about men only thinking with their dicks an attempt to dehumanise them as nothing more than sex crazed animals after they have had an isolated experience being used for sex? Or are men being so horny they will happily have sex with any woman willing to oblige simply truth and it’s neither a misogynistic or misandrist take on things?",,5,Crafty_Letter_1719,2023-11-27 13:46:26 PurplePillDebate,184yukw,it makes more biological sense for an older woman to date younger men than vice versa,"in the U.S., women's life expectancy is about 6 years longer than mens. so If a woman dates someone the same age, just going by averages, she will more likely than not have to endure the grief of losing her husband during her final few years, which are already depressing. in my personal life, I know several older widows, but no widowers. Both. my grandpas passed years before my grandmas, and thats what I've observed outside my family as well, though of course, it happens, I'm talking about overall trends here. Why would we exacerbate that with an age gap in the wrong direction? if the man is also 5-10 years older, she's looking signing up for that with certainty. not to mention taking care of him in his later years, then being a lonely widow. I don't think women want to be the lonely widow, nor do men what to be the lonely widower in their 70s and 80s, taking care of their spouse. If a woman dates an older man, she is only adding years onto that and increasing it's already high probability. instead of 6, it could be 10, 15 years of loneliness and grief tacked onto 5-10 years of caring for their spouse in their older age. And the truth is, while women do date older men, its usually pretty close....<5 years. significant age gaps, like 7+ years are pretty rare It makes more sense for women to date about 5 years younger so that a.) its a toss up who will outlive the other, b.) both have equal likelihood of having to take care of the other (like say, one spouse gets cancer or some other terminal illness in their 50s or 60s, whichever one it is, the other one will take that on because they actually love them, and that love goes both ways). Not to mention, something that completely surprised me going into my thirties that no one else told me in the cultural narrative that I expired like old milk on my 30th birthday is...younger dudes are *hitting on me more than I ever could have expected. It's honestly wild. All the old creeps that used to cat call when I was a teen seemed to have disappeared (good riddance)* and been replaced by curious, cute, younger guys offering to help me with stuff, complimenting me, buying me drinks, and so on. *Upgrade!*",,8,Different-Total3557,2023-11-27 09:12:36 PurplePillDebate,185lkyd,There is nothing inherently creepy about cold approaching and most women’s revulsion with it is unwarranted,"I realise there’s a level of anxiety that arises in most women’s minds stemming from past encounters with disrespectful possibly creepy men and stories we’ve all heard of stalkers and psychos who won’t take no for an answer, but unless the guy is guilty of the above a woman should be flattered when approached, even if the guy is a bit awkward and not quite her type. Yet it seems like many women are against cold approaching on principle, and regard it as disrespectful and slimy, no matter how attractive the guy is. Obviously there is a tactful way to go about it but to me this sentiment is just a manifestation of pussy privilege when it comes to dating, since they can afford to sit back and judge without having to be vulnerable - and if they end up meeting guys through their social circle it’s because the guy has similarly stuck his neck out and expressed his interest (which can be even more difficult with someone you know) I also know a lady who is disgusted by the notion of being approached in public because in her mind is signifies disrespect since the man is imposing his will over her comfort and safety… yet shes apparently willing to meet up with guys on dating apps and arrange to go hiking in the wilderness on a first date… Do these women really want to rely more so on dating apps over in person courtship? Surely the former is much less safe if that’s a concern I wouldn’t even be here if my dad had not cold approached my mum at work, several of my relatives and friends have met their spouses in similar circumstances - were they all being disrespectful? ( my old man is an asshole but that’s another story) Besides, meeting organically isn’t always feasible if work doesn’t provide any opportunities, and you can’t afford to pick up new hobbies - plus as someone who has spent time volunteering and playing mixed sports and things, the chances of meeting someone who’s attractive and single and interested in you is slim. In terms of how to go about approaching, it’s obviously only appropriate in certain settings, and guys need to read body language g cues to know whether to go ahead, excessive physical and suggestive compliments can be off putting as can being too direct and asking them out before you’ve even had a chat, but making suave conversation with an attractive stranger who may not appreciate your presence isn’t easy even for the most socially skilled guys so I think women should cut men some slack if they’re a bit rigid and direct , plus being too platonic and friendly can surely get annoying as well. Ladies feel free to disagree or advise me on what you think the best approach is Edit i forgot men who approach women are deranged hideous sex starved creatures who roam the streets looking to pounce on women they’re not even attracted to. Seriously what? I take it some of you have had really negative experiences but that sort of thing is a far cry from a guy noticing an attractive lady, locking eye contact, receiving no outward signs that she’s not interested and walking over to try chatting with her. I understand the initial anxiety but what if you’re also attracted to the guy and he seems friendly and nice? Surely most women have been in a position where they want to talk to a guy they think is attractive but don’t want to make the first move and hope that he does ",,0,StaticNocturne,2023-11-28 02:47:11 PurplePillDebate,185tmyn,"“Mansplaining” is a very real thing that is extremely rude. No, it’s not just women playing the victim.","I am sick and tired of calling out mansplaining when it is happening, and it being treated like it’s this fake thing that women just made up to “play the victim.” That rhetoric needs to stop. Mansplaining is when an individual explains something to a woman in a condescending way that assumes she has no knowledge of the subject. I had it happen to me just yesterday in this very subreddit, and when I called it out, many men jumped on me with a slew of attacks about how mansplaining isn’t a thing and it’s just women made up in order to call people sexist. I had brought up in a thread how I had turned to dating in Europe versus the US and had a far better experience and hadn’t run into a lot of the gendered expectations of women that you find in US dating culture, and how I had actually found who I anticipate to be my lifetime partner overseas and was very happy with the dynamics of the relationship. That’s when a man felt the need to hop in and start explaining to me how it’s more common for couples to split the bill on dates in Europe, and that the gendered expectations for not just men but also for women were different, as though that was something I wasn’t considering in my argument. Like, it’s already mansplaining when a somebody assumes the woman doesn’t know something about a topic, either because she has a difference of opinion, or just based off of a blind assumption. This instance was particularly infuriating because I had already talked about how I was personally familiar with European dating culture, as I had engaged in it, but he felt the need to try to explain this to me anyway. However, this is a regularly occurring phenomena. I’ve had men try to explain the basics of topics that I am literally paid to be a professional expert in to advise others, simply because I had a different opinion on the matter. I’ve had this happen a lot. Best case scenario when somebody tries to negate being called out for mansplaining, they will say “how was I supposed to know you were an expert in XYZ?” What’s insulting is that you went ahead and assumed I wasn’t, when all you had to do was simply inquire about my knowledge base before explaining something so basic that I already know. Just because somebody’s opinion on something is different from yours, doesn’t mean that they lack knowledge on the topic. Long story short, mansplaining is a real AH misogynistic move on anybody’s part, and it’s a real legitimate thing. so cut it off with the narrative that it’s not real or it’s just somebody playing the victim card. If you are unsure of a woman’s knowledge base on a subject, ask first rather than just assume she knows nothing about it and start prattling away with your explanation.",,0,TidyMess123,2023-11-28 11:10:54 PurplePillDebate,184owd0,Sex Toys,"Picture this: Imagine you’ve been on 3-4 really good dates with a guy. You feel safe. You feel comfortable. He’s hot. You’re starting to get the itch and fantasize about what it’s like to feel him inside you. How he breathes in your ear while penetrating you. Towards the end of another exciting date he pulls the car in front of his place and gives you a flirty look. You’re excited and you’re ready. You’ve groomed your lady parts. You’ve washed up. It’s go time. After some intense kissing in the car, he finally asks you to come inside. Your insides are beginning to pulse. You’re ready to get laid. You eagerly say yes and smile. You walk into his place and he guides you into his room. He opens the door and throws you on the bed. You makeout passionately and start undressing each other. After some back and forth oral foreplay it’s go time. He slides inside you and you let out a moan of both pressure and sweet relief. After about twenty minutes of back and forth and a few different positions, you’re beginning to wonder when he’s going to finish. He pulls out and gives you a somber look. You’re confused and nervous as to what’s coming. “Do you mind if I use my toy?” You feel trapped in a moment of awkwardness. You don’t know what to say. Am I not good enough? Can he not finish? Does he think I’m ugly or bad at sex? “sure” you say. He then reaches into his bedside drawer and pulls out a pocket pussy. He turns it on and slides it onto his Johnson. He gently asks you to caress/lick his sack while he closes his eyes and leans back. You sit there in silence while the hum of the machine echos in the room. After a few minutes his moans get more intense and quicker. Finally he releases and finishes. He opens his eyes and smiles at you. He gives you a warm kiss and says “thank you. That was so good” You don’t know what to say….or do you? TLDR: Sex toys are a strange thing for me and I would guess most men. So women. How would you feel if your partner/partners could only get off with a machine? Would you feel ugly? Less desirable? Less than? Inadequate? Or would you gladly stick your hands/face in between his legs and listen to the humming of a machine while you wonder what he’s thinking about and what it really takes to get him to finish because clearly…. You aren’t cuttin it.",,23,Powerful_Carrot3340,2023-11-26 23:54:26 PurplePillDebate,184sun9,"SURVEY RESULTS, NEW MODS, AND OTHER JANNYISMS","So some quick updates for the subreddit in general: * We are going to add a weekly feminism thread into the looks/n-count rotation. There was previously a complete ban on feminism not related to dating, however we are now allowing any kind of feminism discussion in the weekly thread. Feminism posts that specifically relate to dating will still be allowed in their own threads. * We will also include 4th weekly thread that will be decided ad hoc. Topics that are frequently overdone may wind up there (such as paternity tests), or relevant current events. If we don't have a suitable topic that week consider it a free-for-all of relegated topics (i.e. looks, n-count, or feminism). * Woe-is-me content, specifically regarding groups will now be enforced more heavily. Simply complaining about how bad one group has it will be considered equivalent to (if not already) black pill content, with 30 day bans and permabans after that. PPD is not a subreddit to validate people's feelings, it is a debate subreddit and the arguments should be the focus. Additionally, black pill remains banned entirely on this subreddit. * Please welcome u/Ainsleygz as a new mod of PPD. For the past few months, we have not had any active female moderators and only 1 blue piller, so we could use some women to keep the balance. In addition, we are still looking for 2 more female moderators. Please apply/nominate/endorse below in this thread if you are interested. * We are going to attempt to be a little more lax on the Q4 threads in regard to allowing men to ask men questions, and women to ask women questions as these groups are not a monolith. In addition, assumptions made in CMV may sometimes be allowed if it provides good discussion. However, all circlejerking will still be moderated, and more severely than before. This goes for both OP and top-level comments. * I've seen some people bring up Purge Week, so I figure I would let you all know purge week is on hiatus until further notice. Allowing it to happen is actually harder now with the way this subreddit has gone. Maybe in the future this can return. Ok, some survey results (link to raw data at the end): [A lot of dudes here.](https://preview.redd.it/dwar16ta8r2c1.png?width=545&format=png&auto=webp&s=7fe694c3ae0ea22204f686c772297f1ef750e3de) [Varying ages.](https://preview.redd.it/zmx0vkte8r2c1.png?width=542&format=png&auto=webp&s=59564c345eabf48d563a778576318821025dbcfc) [Probably slightly above average social class to be able to spend time posting here.](https://preview.redd.it/acnn2vz5rs2c1.png?width=612&format=png&auto=webp&s=ce5a371f8ffbb8bc4d458ad749a4456742033001) [Mostly USA, inch\/pound vindication.](https://preview.redd.it/ftybqcskrs2c1.png?width=632&format=png&auto=webp&s=5c47ecb4e1af40533c881357994143ebdd8713a0) [60&#37; white, I don't know what this means for our diversity quotas.](https://preview.redd.it/l9krhq5rrs2c1.png?width=563&format=png&auto=webp&s=b09e56b0c16a3f039dda76b2f3cda0fc9831a8c3) [You would think it's actually more singles the way this subreddit sounds.](https://preview.redd.it/pwuttlbxrs2c1.png?width=606&format=png&auto=webp&s=55f4af403e623ca42acfe48c722a31920149cd93) [Holy shit, this chart is an eyesore. Google should learn what colors are.](https://preview.redd.it/mz88b2h5ss2c1.png?width=605&format=png&auto=webp&s=85aef63dbfbac183919d3433e4b4f9b1320795ec) [About 5 people put N counts in in the triple digits \(its in the raw data if you want\), I left it off so you can read the plot. \(bin size 1\)](https://preview.redd.it/59v99zw1ts2c1.png?width=600&format=png&auto=webp&s=0e11408894573a244438a54355fd313b660bfea2) [1 is easy, 5 is struggle, although that was probably obvious.](https://preview.redd.it/d3znoat8ts2c1.png?width=743&format=png&auto=webp&s=9c01c50a2ce73070b8d193efd824a55d1457b77a) [1 is high sociosexuality, 5 is low sociosexuality, so PPD is on the slightly sluttier side despite the all the N count discussion.](https://preview.redd.it/6suhmn2lxs2c1.png?width=745&format=png&auto=webp&s=24534b25e002afb63c77650dbcb82d1648973110) [Curious. \(1 is no problem, 5 is big problem\)](https://preview.redd.it/3oql8iblvs2c1.png?width=600&format=png&auto=webp&s=3d3be8ec07dd4f00a5902e1c7e1ea7bbbf6d1a2d) [Filtered out virgins and black pillers.](https://preview.redd.it/b4chblrqvs2c1.png?width=600&format=png&auto=webp&s=00d7244cd4b295cb390c7dd3490ed4c9072cf612) [Filtered out men.](https://preview.redd.it/pt94mzmxvs2c1.png?width=600&format=png&auto=webp&s=8c66986c43475262086fec2562117bef3698a987) [A good amount of lurkers.](https://preview.redd.it/p0qjog52ws2c1.png?width=597&format=png&auto=webp&s=0b70168cdef802045e4c36b0e701101a7060fb6c) [Any amount is too much.](https://preview.redd.it/n9dq4zi6ws2c1.png?width=731&format=png&auto=webp&s=fefd873e3fa2dcf886c269191bed3945193b8996) [Put people into boxes.](https://preview.redd.it/dvbu6t0cws2c1.png?width=735&format=png&auto=webp&s=abf14f2fcb1c186239d93b58a135480ad9663ac8) [Other ideologies](https://preview.redd.it/i5vxvbfgws2c1.png?width=725&format=png&auto=webp&s=c1662558fb666a0a8c25ddd88cd5c7ceb3a285e4) I left some plots off, but they probably make more sense as further breakdowns and I don't feel like doing all that. If you do feel like doing all that, I'll make sure it gets seen. Regarding comments on the subreddit, they mostly fall into one of these buckets: * This subreddit allows too much misandry/lilith exists. * Response: Report comments that violate the rules of this subreddit, they will either be removed or you were incorrect and may be too sensitive for this subreddit. * This subreddit allows too much misogyny. * Response: Report comments that violate the rules of this subreddit, they will either be removed or you were incorrect and may be too sensitive for this subreddit. * Let us discuss looks/black pill/incel content in threads. * Response: No. * Mods suck. * Response: No u. * Mods do a good job. * Response: Thank you. * u/milquetoastmf is too hostile. (There was only one, but I'll address it.) * Response: I'm just an asshole, I enjoy being this way. You'll get used to it. Or you won't, but that's a you problem. * 2nd response: Also, someone commented about how you can't see the mod who removed your comments. I've had it on hidden so many of them were probably me, I gotta get it to default to letting you know it was me, not trying to hide. For those interested, feel free to do some analysis: [Link to Pruned Raw Data](https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1yyr5aQkOwo1ocw1T4HuaSlOFmTmnAFTZD2I-wwXmuRU/edit?usp=sharing) Have fun in the comments, this thread will again replace the weekly thread this week and then it should be back to it's regular cycle. I'd say I would respond this time, but the mod queue probably has a million things in it because of the holiday.",,8,milquetoastmf,2023-11-27 03:02:09 PurplePillDebate,184bor6,I complimented women out in public for the past 2-weeks and….it’s fine.,"So, I have been doing some self-therapy for the past month, the results of which have given me a profound break through: shifting my thinking of “what if this or that happens” to “what would happen?”. When you realise there is more to world than you currently understand it to be, your anxiousness turns to wonder. Why is that relevant? Because, like many men I am terrified-although not so much anymore-going up to women in public. I am afraid of being perceived as creepy or such other unflattering ego destroying self-confirming labels-partly because I am not conventionally attractive. In my mind I anticipate: I go up, try to say something, even before I can get the words out I get shunned or given a look or called names, and then I leave embarrassed. Yet, I have not had this play out. All of my attempts have been positive. I have compliment serval girls (and ladies) now at shopping mall, library, reception, trains and park. I approached a girl going through the self checkout next to me. I have found her to be pretty so I approached her as I was leaving. I told her “excuse me, sorry to bother you. I just wanted to say, you look very pretty today”. She was taken a bit of guard, but then cracked into a beautiful smile and said “thank you”, and I responded “no worries, enjoy the rest of your day” and left. Few other times, when I was feeling anxious and got stuck in a vicious loop of catastrophic images and thoughts, I have asked them for a small chat. Just going “Hi, sorry to interrupt you, can I ask for a small favour, I am feeling a bit anxious at the moment, would you be up for a small chat? It would help me take my mind of things.” Again, they are taken a back ( rational reaction) and agree but mention they might not be of much help. I reassure them just simply have a honest authentic conversation is enough, and we can stop whenever they like. After this, we proceed to have a interesting deep meaningful conversation. These have been long conversations 45 minutes to 1hr amend half. Typically these happen at the library where we both study, so we end up exchanging numbers and stuff. I guess it’s not so bad. Curious about you guy’s experiences. Also advise on lines or ways of approaching girls in public would be nice.",,93,Stupid4Knowledge,2023-11-26 14:18:46 PurplePillDebate,1854lmj,So should 20-25 year olds be trying to only date 35+ men?,"23F here , attractive, and getting more fit in the gym. Per Andrew T and many other redditors, most men become “high value” at around 35 years old (at their peak in terms of wealth, maturity, attractiveness) and they will have an abundance of options to choose from. From those options the younger women are more appealing than the older women. (Because apparently as we all age we get jaded and unhappy and unattractive.) (this is sarcasm. As this is very situational.) Should we young women just do away with young men and only go for the older and richer while we can? This sounds shallow, but we want our kids to have the best possible life as well as ourselves. (I will not explain this any deeper, you can find out why women like rich men/high value men on your own) I always thought that men tend to find their “dream girl” when they are young. They fall in love with her or at least the idea of her and no matter who comes next they just can’t love her the same. And if that dream girl came calling, they would run not walk to her. So, what the heck should we do to end up with a man who loves us and is high value? Also, you have to factor in attraction. Because as you age the more health problems pop up. Which is a whole other issue. I could write so much more but less is more. Please advise! I have been attracted to older men before but there tends to be a personality gap that dulls the attraction. (We have completely different childhoods, taste, media habits.)",,1,Significant_You82,2023-11-27 14:46:29 PurplePillDebate,184st36,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, etc... in this thread. Here you can post everything you don't think warrants it's own thread. Or just do some socialising. Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. &#x200B; If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,8,AutoModerator,2023-11-27 03:00:17 PurplePillDebate,184sdij,Is the average man really an obnoxious sex pest?,"Comments from female friends and posts here would have me believe they are, especially on dating apps and in bars and clubs - turning every conversation sexual even when it’s completely inappropriate, getting too touchy, trying to drag them away somewhere secluded and having no tact or respect for boundaries or comfort, negging excessively, getting hostile if they’re rejected. Even in the case of dating apps with semi anonymity is it really true that most guys are like this? If so then shouldn’t the guys who conduct themselves with more tact and respect be highly desirable even if they’re less physically attractive? I think it’s fair to say the obnoxious horny cavemen cast a larger shadow than the self composed respectful guys who don’t harass or even have any interaction with most women but even so it seems quite extreme to say that the average guy is a disrespectful womaniser The only thing I will say is that I’ve been ghosted more for being too reserved than being too sexually aggressive, and I think a lot of guys are terrified of being friend zoned so they overcompensate by being obnoxiously sexual, which many women come to expect and assume a guy isn’t interested if he’s not behaving like he just discovered testosterone, and this forms a self perpetuating shit show.",,5,StaticNocturne,2023-11-27 02:38:39 PurplePillDebate,184qevf,Rejection Sensitivity,"I actually think rejection sensitivity plays a larger role in Redpill, PPD and relationship content in the manosphere than is credited. And this would be somewhat be more pronounced in us men, of course, given that societal expectation follows that we should pursue and the women either accepts or declines. Therefore, we're probably more frequently exposed to it. I've got a few private thoughts on Redpill being a direct consequence or outcome of the disorder (which is completely understandable, barring the sort of nasty discourse), but that's neither here nor there. But do you feel like there's a way to navigate rejection that doesn't impact the ego or self-esteem? I feel like the sensitivity coupled with the constant comparisons that we draw between ourselves, and others are a primary cause for the bitterness and tone that sort of seeps into these types of conversations. Because, at the end of the day, it's still a woman's right to decline a dude's advances for whatever reason she deems necessary. But it just doesn't serve us to writhe and rage about it, even if our disappointment is understandable and even somewhat natural. The wilds are probably teeming with sexually frustrated animals. Only difference is that, while a bear may feel the effects of his spurned attempts, that's as far as it goes; he won't slink back to his den and bemoan how much of a loser he is. Bears don't have that sort of agency. We kinda do, though, is the thing. So, is there a way we can navigate rejection better? Or are our ego and self-image just sort of necessary sacrifices in an effort to find a partner? And how do you find it to *make* that sacrifice, if so?",,6,OnePotatoeChip,2023-11-27 01:02:52 PurplePillDebate,1847ry7,"""Never compare yourself to her ex"" but she definitely will","1. before someone mentions the word ""communication"" -- newsflash -- women don't really communicate this stuff, at least not in a frank and transparent manner, they rather keep silently bemoaning the fact that sex is somehow just not as good as with her ex. 2. **Just like women blame their partners for not knowing how to please them, they also hand them all the credit for when she has the best sex she ever had.** They very rarely consider themselves are responsible for the quality of their own sex. 3. Her ex dicking her better will manifest in all sorts of ways: she will be less adventorus with you, she will want sex less often, she will not do the crazy shit she did let her ex do in bed, and women admit this, at least online, just type in ""miss sex with my ex boyfriend"" and all sorts of confessions pop up. 4. the sad fact is that a lot of women are in fact in a deeper, more committed, more loving relationship with their current partner, they guy that fucked them in college just set the standard for what turns them on. &#x200B;",,98,Napo_De_Leone,2023-11-26 10:21:31 PurplePillDebate,184d0ht,"""Women dont put enough effort into making it work because they think there's always something better."" ""It's women's fault for staying in a crappy relationship.""","I see two opposing arguments frequently on here and I'd like to ask red pill men specifically how both can be true at the same time. I see it said all the time that its common for most women to ""discard men"" because they think there's a better option out there for them and also common that women are too quick to give up on a relationship. How can both be true at the same time? I'd like to see it discussed among red pill men. What do you guys think? How can a woman simultaneously ""try harder to make it work"" and ""choose better""? Men don't have ""good"" and ""bad"" printed on their foreheads so what other way to find out which one he is without dating him? This is specifically a question for **Red Pill Men**.",,35,alphamaker420,2023-11-26 15:23:12 PurplePillDebate,184g0jn,Why is domestic violence funny/acceptable when the man is the victim?,"I've seen this in social media frequently and even in TV tropes. TL;DR When did this become normalized and why? [Video from Instagram](https://instagram.ftpa1-1.fna.fbcdn.net/o1/v/t16/f1/m82/DB45223958FA0D16B80FA1CB7332B195_video_dashinit.mp4?efg=eyJ2ZW5jb2RlX3RhZyI6InZ0c192b2RfdXJsZ2VuLmNsaXBzLmMyLjU3Ni5iYXNlbGluZSJ9&_nc_ht=instagram.ftpa1-1.fna.fbcdn.net&_nc_cat=108&vs=1098849888230579_641001190&_nc_vs=HBksFQIYT2lnX3hwdl9yZWVsc19wZXJtYW5lbnRfcHJvZC9EQjQ1MjIzOTU4RkEwRDE2QjgwRkExQ0I3MzMyQjE5NV92aWRlb19kYXNoaW5pdC5tcDQVAALIAQAVAhg6cGFzc3Rocm91Z2hfZXZlcnN0b3JlL0dMMWw1eE1SLTVSamVCc0RBTjlZMGhOcGUtNTRicFIxQUFBRhUCAsgBACgAGAAbABUAACa0zuD4m8H0PxUCKAJDMywXQC3dsi0OVgQYEmRhc2hfYmFzZWxpbmVfMV92MREAdf4HAA%3D%3D&_nc_rid=b8463ddfa0&ccb=9-4&oh=00_AfA2xENuJmYKFH6PEHviOds80WoZW7eBHDKpE-AyZVDR7w&oe=65670C37&_nc_sid=8ad95d) [Video from facebook](https://www.facebook.com/PlanoInformativo/videos/10155512687538952/?mibextid=rS40aB7S9Ucbxw6v) [Social experiment in public (youtube)](https://youtu.be/XNrWuZV3jjw?si=wsEOCRII-nlWS5Bq) [women-who-think-hitting-their-husband-is-funny (blog post](https://www.saveservices.org/2021/04/women-who-think-hitting-their-husband-is-funny/)) I had to ask ChatGPT to see what it says but it ultimately comes from stereotypes. Here's how the conversation went: >me: Why in social media it's common to see that domestic violence is funny when the man is the victim? I've also seen this trope in cartoons for example in the anime Naruto, sakura slaps naruto across the head as a comic relief moment >ChatGPT: The portrayal of domestic violence or aggression as humor, particularly when the man is the victim, can stem from harmful stereotypes and societal norms. It reflects a broader issue of gender stereotypes and expectations, where traditional gender roles may contribute to the normalization of such behavior. Media has a powerful influence on shaping perceptions, and when it trivializes serious issues like domestic violence, it can perpetuate harmful attitudes. It's important to promote media content that respects and reflects the seriousness of these issues while challenging harmful stereotypes. >Me: Why and when did this stereotype became normalized? >ChatGPT: The normalization of certain stereotypes, including those related to gender roles and domestic violence, is a complex and gradual process influenced by various factors. It's challenging to pinpoint a specific time or event, as societal attitudes evolve over time. However, historical gender norms, power dynamics, and cultural expectations have played roles in shaping these stereotypes. >Historically, traditional gender roles assigned certain behaviors and roles to men and women, contributing to the reinforcement of stereotypes. Media, including cartoons and popular culture, often reflects and reinforces prevailing societal attitudes. Over the years, efforts have been made to challenge and change these stereotypes, but progress can be slow. >It's essential to continue promoting awareness, education, and positive portrayals in media to shift societal norms and challenge harmful stereotypes related to domestic violence or any form of aggression. What are your thoughts about this? EDIT: What do you THINK about domestic violence being funny when the victim is the man. Stop focusing on Chat GPT, it is merely an addition to this topic.",,20,CalmEntrepreneur884,2023-11-26 17:36:24 PurplePillDebate,1843fos,The fact that so many women have a problem with a man who goes 50/50 is proof that most women just want to use men and don't actually care about them.,"Most women are *almost* incapable of genuinely loving a man. They always want something, especially material things like money and the man paying for stuff in return. I just saw a post in this sub where a woman said a man who goes 50/50 is useless, and this is how many women feel, because they don't actually care about men as human beings, they just want to use them for their own benefit like getting free food, getting their bills paid and so on. The man could be kind and compassionate, but if he goes 50/50 then none of that matters, he's useless to her. On the other hand, a guy could be an asshole and even abusive, but if he pays for everything, then that doesn't matter. This unfortunately means that these women have basically reduced themselves to being prostitutes because they want money/material things for their ""love"", which isn't even really love. If a woman loved a man, she obviously would have no problem going 50/50. Why would she? But, since most women hate going 50/50, this means they don't love men, they just use them. They want to be loved by them, but they themselves don't want to love. They like taking, but they don't care much about giving. And apparently this is what femininity means, just receiving without ever giving anything back.",,155,Jax_Gatsby,2023-11-26 05:22:34 PurplePillDebate,184x38p,Do we need new terminology for loneliness ?,"Title, Hey gang , I got this idea while reading the megathread lol. One user said you can’t be lonely if you have an SO, Another user said yes you can ( not having friends outside of SO , feeling lonely about family etc ) Do we need new terms for loneliness? Because I agree with both users, yes I have been a bit lonely from time to time while married to my excellent wife, but also no it doesn’t compare at all to being “forever” lonely, like 0 comparison. I was homeless , family abandoned, no career , friends I wasn’t close to , and was a virgin ( no relationship experience) that loneliness was crippling , it was enormous , it was beyond any feeling I experience now. Thinking about how lonely I was is thinking about a reality that seems impossible to me now. If I had not experienced it , I wouldn’t believe anyone could be that lonely. The loneliness I experience from time to time now would be a small dip, with my little toe in the deep , deeeeeep void of loneliness I felt before. So is new terminology required to get everyone on the same page ? “Diet loneliness “ And “Double trouble loneliness” Thoughts ?",,1,Grouchy_Cookie_7813,2023-11-27 07:07:58 PurplePillDebate,1857e43,"CMV: women have gotten so used to poor treatment, many don't know how to respond when treated well"," In my view, women have had to deal with poor behavior from men for soo long that when they encounter a guy who treats them decently. For example, in this short video we hear from a woman who shares her experience in this regard. https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT8faE4X9 She is talks about how she was met on a first date by a guy who bought her flowers and opened her door for her etc. Her first reaction was to get on group chat with her friends and say that the guy is weird. I think this is because of the typical poor treatment we have gotten used to receiving from men. Do you think her reaction stems from something else? What do you think?",,0,Windmill_flowers,2023-11-27 16:48:29 PurplePillDebate,184vgq1,How come men find youth in women attractive but not vice versa?,"In the red pill a common talking point is that men of all ages find youth and women attractive and sometimes it comes up as a heated topic.But how can women do not find me youth and men attractive it seems? For example you don't see near as many relationships where the woman might be over 30 and the man in his early twenties compared to vice versa where you see it much more commonly in comparison. But it seems with women that as long as the guy is between the ages of 20 to 50 then he is equally as hot across the board since most women don't seem to go for youth at all.  Unless I am wrong?",,0,harmonica2,2023-11-27 05:25:12 PurplePillDebate,184dl15,What percentage of men attract you? What is your opinion of the men who don't attract you?,"I have been repeatedly asked to provide sources for arguments about how women perceive the majority of men. The last user who posted about this topic deleted his post, so locating quotes from women on here regarding their perception of men has been difficult. Thus, I've decided to create my own post. Note: I am not asking *specifically* about looks! (thus, I don't think that this post belongs in the looks megathread) I'd like to know what percentage of men that women here find to be attractive taking into account the full package of what men have to offer. This includes charisma, confidence, status, hobbies, intelligence, education, money, and, yes, looks. More importantly, I'd like to know what your opinion is of the men who you are not attracted to. Do they repulse you? Do you even notice them? Would you be friends with them? Do they have a chance to attract you if they do more things to improve themselves? The more detail that you can write about your preferences, the better. If certain male qualities attract you more than others, then that is of interest to me too.",,11,wtknight,2023-11-26 15:49:37 PurplePillDebate,184zjx5,What are the signs you notice from desperate people?,"# Context: People who are desperate to date anyone. The biggest sign I have noticed is thinking the bare minimum is a relationship. For example, I dated this and he was amazing. Great dates, places I have never been before, fun conversations, but what turned everything sour is that he acted like I was his girlfriend after the 2nd date, writing “I’m thinking about all the time. Do you think about me? I just love being around you!” and calling me pet names all the time. Would have been romantic had I known him longer than a couple of weeks. I think he just got out of an awful relationship, so I might have been a rebound. For women, the saddest cases when they think being a booty call is being a girlfriend. To kind of quote The Weeknd, he only calls her when it’s half past 5 and it’s the only time they’re actually ‘together’. Shit like that is why I get very weary around people who act like sex and love are the same thing. In reality, someone fucking you doesn’t mean they give a damn if you live or die the next day. This one’s the most obvious sign: ***Refusing to vet people because then you’ll have no options.*** I wanted to highlight this, because these people will act like victims of circumstances when they decided for themselves that a shitty love is better than no love: > “A lot of women HIGHLY overestimate the dating success that average men have based on their experiences as women. If an average man pick a “bad woman”, chances are he picked her out of MAYBE two or three potential options.” > “His options are the women that respond positively to his advances.” > “Average dudes don’t have options.” And I like to think this comment is a sign you’re NOTZ dealing with a desperate men. Btw, this comment got downvoted. I wonder why. > I have been a lurker on this subreddit for a long time and I have never understood how it can really be all that difficult for a man to find some woman that they find attractive to get involved with. I am saying this from the perspective of a man who only gets involved romantically and sexually with submissive woman that are into BDSM that I find alluring. I am dealing with a very small subset of women to begin with, and I do not find it difficult in finding partners that share my proclivities.",,0,LillthOfBabylon,2023-11-27 10:03:15 PurplePillDebate,1848fp0,CMV: Fairness is not code for getting what you want with no inconvenience.,"Bad things happening to good people and good things happening to bad people isn’t fair. Being born with disadvantages is unfair. Being oppressed for being a minority is unfair. Getting what you want does not determined fairness. People not wanting to be around a person who is mean to them is fair. Men wanting to have sex with an ugly girl because she was willing to have a hook up with him is fair. People choosing to stop engaging hook up culture because they don’t see the benefit of it is fair. Just like you have standards that exclude people, people having standards that exclude you is fair. Not wanting someone who is not at your income or educational level is fair. Noy wanting someone based on incompatibility, such as no common interest, is fair. The fact that so many guys act like it's an injustice to not get whatever they want from whoever they want is infuriating, because there is more to life than acting like Verruca from Willy Wonka. Hell, at least the spoiled brat was humble enough to say she WANTS things, not pretending that it’s she needs. What’s also unfair is shaming people for not doing what you want them to do solely for your own benefit. Why should a person shamed into giving a medicore-looking or ugly people a chance when they dont want to nor desire to? Before someone make comeback, taking what you can get is also fair when you complain about getting nothing at all. In case I have to fill up space, let me talk about the other things this subreddit pretends is unfair: Being forced to pay for a kid that you created is fair. The baby didn’t ask to be conceived from your bad decisions and why should society be forced to pay for kids you can afford to support? Fairness can also be about suffering the consequences for your poor decisions. People staying away from an unlikable asshole is fair. Criminals going to jail for a crime they committed is fair. “Life is unfair” is a lazy come back and it implies that these people are legitimate. No, you not getting what you want does not automatically mean unfairness.",,23,LillthOfBabylon,2023-11-26 11:07:05 PurplePillDebate,1840izh,most women don't deserve chivalry from men,"Historically for men , they were expected to behave with chivalry to the women they date this included 1. opening doors, 2. paying for dates, 3. offering jackets in cold weather, (mostly referring to self sacrifice) 4. walking on the street side to protect from traffic and puddles. 5. the importance of punctuality, 6. initiating plans, 7. adopting a protective stance, 8. engaging in respectful communication, 9. and ensuring safe travel home. 10. Pulling Out Chairs 11. Walking Her to Her Door 12. Carrying Heavy Items 13. Assisting with Vehicle Alighting 14. Giving Compliments 15. Sending Flowers or Gifts 16. Escorting on Walk These actions were seen as gentlemanly and indicative of good manners, along with showing genuine interest in their date’s thoughts and feelings. and Traditionally, women were expected to 1. exhibit modesty in dress and behavior, 2. be skilled in domestic tasks, 3. offer emotional support, 4. demonstrate impeccable manners, 5. and show patience in courtship. 6. Submissiveness, 7. chastity, 8. being a good listener, 9. prioritizing family, 10. exhibiting social gracefulness, 11. financial prudence, 12. loyalty, and faithfulness its not fair to expect men to adhere to old-fashioned courtesies while we move away from traditional female roles. if you want men to pay for your dates, open your car door, lead, plan everything, propose, financially support. you better have a low body count or a virgin, know how to cook clean, dress modestly not have an only fans etc and if you do have an only fans, have high body count or dress like a whore on post suggestive photos online, you don't deserve any of these traditional traits from men so you cant complain about it",,71,Moneydamjan,2023-11-26 02:40:05 PurplePillDebate,1845t22,Men's and women's woes are objectively incomparable," No, women don't have it worse. There are thousands of metrics that say otherwise. Life expectancy, suicides, violent deaths, workplace fatalitites, homelessness, killed in wars, conscription (modern day slavery) is almost exclusively male. Education gap. Work discrimination in female-dominated works. Lots of things. Dating issues are somewhere too, but arguably not the worst, just inc\*ls tend to cry about them so much - lacking a date sux, but it is no where near to being dragged out of your home and sent to death in trenches in Ukraine. Also men don't have it worse. There are thousands of metrics that say otherwise. Women are more often killed by husbands than by strangers, more often raped, doing more than 50% of chores, there are barbaric things like FGM, in third world women are denied education. Can you somehow objectively compare these lists and say what is worse? No. They are just different. If you think that one of these lists is less important than the other - you are heartless bigot lacking empathy, or an indoctrinated zealot of gender wars, or both. Reframed yesterday post as CMV. ",,24,WanabeInflatable,2023-11-26 07:57:46 PurplePillDebate,184pfyx,Men value casual sex over relationships,"This is quite obvious by the fact men get offended if they’re called husband material or if a women doesn’t want casual sex with them but a relationship. I think this shows how superficial men are, they would rather be a hot douchebag than a guy that is well rounded. Husband material means a good personality, financially stable and attractive. Guys for casual sex are just hot. So men are showing that their ultimate aim is just to be hot so that they can be picked for sex for a night. So men shouldn’t be judging women for having casual sex when men would rather be hoes than husbands.",,1,Icequeen343,2023-11-27 00:18:46 PurplePillDebate,183ty89,""" If sex is water, women have to survive on the ocean, men in the desert."" this is worst attempt at equalizing men and women's issues in dating","[this](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/17v6w48/if_sex_is_water_women_have_to_survive_on_the/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) and similar phrases are always used when a man complains about having no options as a way to conclude that no one has it worse. this phrase tho is pretty misandrist (which doesn't surprise since most people are okay with it) because it assumes that every option a woman has is bad( aka most men are bad"" and every option a man will have it's good (aka every woman is good). if you believe most men are shit and most women are angels then no problem go on telling that to every man who complains on forums! but if you believe that good and bad people can be evenly distributed between men and women then stop using it. and now we have two options either you find something else that equalizes men and women's issues or you admit that men probably have it worse than women edit: i can't believe most of you are saying stuff like ""but in the ocean water is not potable"" the analogy isn't meant to be taken that literally lol, because it would mean that all men are bad. the people who made it probably thought ocean/swamp just because it's the opposite of a desert. keep coping i guess",,70,G0dZylla,2023-11-25 21:24:55 PurplePillDebate,183n2l9,"Women have a tendency to victimize themselves by framing past relationships that didn't work out as involving ""manipulation"" or ""abuse""","1. *""I was really lonely so my standards were in hell because I just wanted some intimacy so I slept with guys I otherwise would never given a chance, they exploited my loneliness and used me for sex""* 2. *""I was young and impressionable and looked up to him, but now that I'm older I would never given him a chance... ""* 3. *""I was overweight and had low self esteem and men exploited my willingness to have sex with them for validation, now that I'm fit I finally feel I have the power to choose who I want to date""* Has anyone noticed this trend? From the young woman who had a fling she now regrets, to the girl with self-esteem issues who slept with trashy men because that was the best she could get at the time -- they all try to kind of retroactively frame their consent at the time as that of arising from circumstances which didn't really allow them to be able freely choose the men they dated/slept with? everything is retroactively explained using therapeutic vernacular. The fact that the guys POV is never taken into account is also baffling. Maybe sometimes the jerk is just a guy who wasn't compatible with you long term and not a devious manipulator.",,134,Napo_De_Leone,2023-11-25 16:11:58 PurplePillDebate,183vjdc,why do people act like it’s so hard to sexually please women?,"people (mostly men from my experience) act like it’s near impossible for a woman to orgasm. i do so by myself just fine. however, for others it’s like the vagina is this mystery puzzle organ that is so difficult to please. is it really that hard? if you actually listen to your partner when they say something feels good, it’s pretty easy to make them orgasm on another note, sucking dick isn’t that easy. it’s a conscious effort not to throw up. so many things to be mindful of, like teeth. won’t even start on how bad come can taste. theres so many components to giving head. however, women do so just fine. if we can learn, why can’t men?",,25,sexcmamas123,2023-11-25 22:36:25 PurplePillDebate,183pz62,Getting a roommate is better than a 50/50 man as a woman,"If a woman can’t attract a man who is willing to pay all or most of the bills it is just better to get a roommate. Preferably another woman. You get the benefit of sharing bills with someone without having to cook, clean, do laundry more than them and have mediocre sex with somebody you are not fully attracted to.",,38,ThrowRAsweeter,2023-11-25 18:23:53 PurplePillDebate,184tplg,Conservative men's views will be their own undoing...,"I'm not conservative but in terms of politics I agree with ""them"" (that is the general voters, but not so much the parties) more if I has to choose between them or liberals. If a party wanted to be reducing immigration vs Trudeaus immigration levels I'd choose them. If I had to go all the other side compared to Trudeaus gun policy, I'd choose them. Anyways with that being said I've seen a lot of men jump on women who say there are no good men and assume they are libs. Politically I relate to conservatives. But dating? Not so much. men automatically assume I'm at a bar clubbing. I don't. I don't like clubbing. Its just an observation but there are way more conservative friends of mine that complain men aren't good any more because they want conservative men. And yes they are hard core christian women who want the whole trad wife thing. Like I said. I relate to conservatives so many of my female friend are. But not the men.",,0,Logical_Round_5935,2023-11-27 03:45:39 PurplePillDebate,183oetf,"What's your hot taking about dating? Something you believe based on things you've experienced, but would typically go against the grain of what people say here?","Title is essentially my question. I think men and women are very similar, but our circumstances are different. I would argue we're almost entirely the same despite one of us having a clitoris and the other a penis. We both want a partner we're attracted to. We both show interest when we're interested making it easy to set up dates. We both have insecurities about our naked bodies and so on. We both want a partner we're not embarrassed to introduce infront of friends and family. We both know the real reason why we reject someone even though we say vague things of ""chemistry and sparkles weren't there."" We both don't want to hurt the other person's feelings after a few dates. We both know if someone is bf/gf material very quickly. We both want someone we can share humor with. Anytime I'm confused in the dating process I think ""well if the shoe were on the other foot, what would I do"" then their behavior makes sense. ""Yeah she's not interested because if she was I wouldn't be left on read on for 16 hours on her day off.""",,42,ConfectionLimp1114,2023-11-25 17:12:21 PurplePillDebate,183zqtg,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, etc... in this thread. Here you can post everything you don't think warrants it's own thread. Or just do some socialising. Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. &#x200B; If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,6,AutoModerator,2023-11-26 02:00:09 PurplePillDebate,184wtgv,"I'm a man and I'll say it. Women overall have it harder than men, ESPECIALLY in dating.","Let me preface this by saying that the majority of men's and women's issues could be fixed by having healthy functional parents who are honest and pass real values. Real values are telling a boy from a young age that he need to be fit in order to be sexually appealing to a majority of women. Real values are telling girls if a boy is talking to multiple women he is a player and not interested in just being her one and only. There are plenty of real values, and true input parents can give children but that's not the point. Women's advantage is frontloaded and they have the majority of their opportunities and advantages from 18-29. 29 is where this fall-off can begin because men who date 29-year-olds will feel the pressure from that age to seriously have children soon if the woman wants them. So, if women have it better early why do women have it worse overall? What men don't understand is Women when they get this advantage it is thrust on them during a time when most people are still growing and learning more about the world. This can result in the majority of women not using this advantage to the best of their abilities. I'm sure if a 30+ year-old healthy woman could go back to her younger 18-year-old years, she probably would not do the same exact things, but unfortunately, life doesn't work that way. Now why is this advantage even possible? Well for starters women have a very well-created network of information, that teaches younger women how to look nice via their own peers. Women from a young age, even autistic women learn how to mask to fit in. Younger women typically are just usually more appealing on the eyes, and due to faster metabolisms, it's easier for them to maintain certain body weights. A younger woman in general is at the peak of receiving assistance and help with various situations just because of the way society functions. She has the ability to start to secure or attempt to lock down men who display potential etc. Now this is the interesting part. Even though women have these advantages it doesn't manifest like it should. Part of that comes from the fact that women can and will be their own worst enemies. Let's say a woman does go against the grain, and doesn't want to ""waste"" her younger years partying, having fun, etc. Other women will be there to tear her down, call her boring. Shit women will even try to sabotage other women by getting women to cheat or have fun. Phrases like ""You deserve to be happy, have fun live a little, girl let loose"" are all common phrases women might use to bring down each other. So EVEN with all this advantage early they still have to somehow be taught to be competent enough to use it wisely during its limited time span and THEN navigate the waters of other women socially who will seek to tear them down. Now men. Men's advantage is packed more into 30+. Obviously like I said as a male or female if you are given the resources and training from a young age you can get far ahead of these curves but after maturing and learning more about yourself and the world, men tend to figure out their careers, healthy, life path around late 20s to mid 30s. Fortunately for men, their biological clock isn't ticking at the same rate so even tho they figure it out later they are not punished like a woman is. A well-kept 30-year-old man can easily secure a woman who is 5-7 years younger heck even 10. 10 is creepy IMO but if you connect and vibe so be it. Men spend so much damn time trying to blame women for not ""getting it"" when men themselves don't really ""get it"" either until later in their years. The only thing is women's advantage is usually burned up on its last few embers by the time they get it while men have far more gas in the tank to recover and figure things out. But hey let's assume both genders are taught from young ages how to be totally successful. Ok, so the woman gets ahead and snags a great guy and has a good body great career. No matter what in most cases she STILL has to stay somewhat relative in the man's eyes or he will grow to be resentful, and this can be through transitioning to being a literal mommy bang maid, getting plastic surgery, having a better career etc, etc. OF course, it could just be a good guy who never ever resents her no matter how much more value he accumulates.... aka unicorn guy Meanwhile, a guy who gets ahead...is going to be drowning in pussy, be set up financially for life, can date down in age whenever he wants, can basically have kids with younger women for fun whenever he wants etc his options are almost limitless as he ages Do you really see older women banging tons of younger dudes and having their kids? Oh right menopause is not possible, did we forget women have to deal with periods and birth control etc, etc? But what about men oh yeah, they can keep spreading their seed and having kids for as long as they like almost....sure with risks but you get the point So in summation to end this argument once and for all in dating and in life, WOMEN DO NOT HAVE IT BETTER THAN MEN. MEN are just too incompetent to navigate their own situations and see they objectively have it better overall EVEN if women get MORE earlier. 18-29 Women advantage 30-60 men advantage men are just objectively easier overall if you learn to actually maximize your worth and value I don't hate women I love women, and I'm tired of men shitting on them for concepts that society really does a poor job of teaching most parents are failures when it comes to this and raise shit men and shit women who just further this cycle it doesn't matter if you have a shit load of options as a young woman if you haven't been taught and don't have the mental capacity to navigate them properly--- it is a parental failure which is what most of these issues come down to sadly if a woman isn’t taught from a young age to reject concepts like pre-selection she is doomed from the start",,0,AFuzzyMuffin,2023-11-27 06:50:28 PurplePillDebate,183q3bj,Asking men to stop putting women on a pedestal when they’re as lonely and deprived as they are is impossible and never going to happen,"There’s no doubt that the mass amount of simping and desperation from men is making the dating market significantly worse and harder, but until these men are given the attention they need, it’s never going to end. Asking them to stop is like showing up to a starving shelter with a limited amount of food and asking everyone to act civilized. Will never work Any guy here that’s experienced years of loneliness understands how strong the feelings that you get with even the slightest amount of attention. People can call me an incel or whatever for saying that, but it’s the truth.",,26,XpHAHAman,2023-11-25 18:29:12 PurplePillDebate,183ykss,Why alot women use sex in long term relationships like “weapon”?,"So, this happened with me in the past and i heard multiple married friends saying the same. Basically, if woman is mad at her partner for some reason, alot of times she will use lack of sex as weapon. Sometimes this will even be her first response, even before talking about the problem or trying to find solution. Sometimes to “gain” something the partner is not agreeing etc. Sounds like 1 side thing, i never heard married woman saying “my husband was mad at me and didn’t want sex” or “my husband was mad at me and didn’t pay the bills he normally pay”. Why this happen?",,7,voidvoices,2023-11-26 01:01:25 PurplePillDebate,183xnet,The whole women want to use their 20s to concentrate on their careers seems like an excuse?,"It is often said here that a lot of women want to wait until their 30s until they try their shot at a serious relationship because in their 20s they want to concentrate on college and their career. However, my gf is in her 20s and in college, and she has time for a bf just fine. So I wonder if this is actually the case therefore with most, unless it really is for most college and career paths? Or if this is not the reason, what is the real reason women say this in order to put off serious relationships until their 30s?",,6,harmonica2,2023-11-26 00:16:07 PurplePillDebate,183ddj8,Men lowering their standards didn’t widen the dating pool so stop doing it.,"Men have often been much looser on standards because of the need to “cast a wide net” as this will allow them to have “options”. This is a false choice in the current dating market. Mens forgiveness of certain traits (being overweight, dressing provocatively, high body count, etc) has not given you more options today because these allowances have enabled women to not see them as shortcomings but as something to embrace. And slowly a new bare minimum is born. Men, by overlooking qualities in women they are uncomfortable with, are not giving themselves options but making it harder for the next man entering the dating market by instilling a low quality pathology in women knowing good quality men are willing to endure it to enter a relationship. Men need to be disciplined and remain single if their standards are not being met. Yes it’s harder that generations before us but someone needs to correct the market and it might as well start today!",,146,StrugglingRando,2023-11-25 06:21:39 PurplePillDebate,183kf7m,"Can we just avoid ""but we have it worse""?","Men have issues in dating and in modern society in general. Women have their own issues, problems growing from old patriarchy and some modern. We have different issues. It makes it impossible to compare them objectively. But it is not necessary to know who has it worse. Recognizing woes of each other is a good first step towards improving the situation. Can we just avoid ""systemic sexism is one way"", ""women can't be lonely because they have lots of matches"" and other oppression olympics? Let's be empathetic to each others issues and not compare the woes.",,32,WanabeInflatable,2023-11-25 14:03:41 PurplePillDebate,183umdu,If women feel they work too much its because sometimes they burden themselves,"OK. Usually I post about what is wrong about discourse that is common on both sides. But I feel this is more of a woman's issue. Just my experience but I'm a pretty chill woman. Yet many other women I've been with including my mom and my sister seem to have this weird mentality that they have to do the dishes etc You don't have to. You don't have to clean up after your man. If he calls you petty then he's not the man for you. Its really that simple. Don't enable him at all. Or work out a good compromise. I'll do laundry you so xyz I just truly don't understand women claiming they were ""forced to clean up after their man"" No one pointed a gun to your head. Do the dishes. Tell him, next time you do it. If he doesn't there is no next time. Those frustrations only happen becusse you keep letting it happen",,7,Logical_Round_5935,2023-11-25 21:55:17 PurplePillDebate,183sicr,The Bottom Line,"For me, a girl having done sex work, OF, etc., high body count isn’t an automatic dealbreaker. I’ve been in long term relationships where the girl has had a history and it didn’t bother me that much. She was open about it and I appreciated it. Another hot take is that lying isn’t an automatic dealbreaker for me. My bottom line is lack of self awareness. Someone could be squeaky clean trad wife type but without a certain (pretty high) amount of self awareness I won’t take someone seriously, full stop. So for other guys with atypical bottom lines, what are yours and why?",,8,strokesfan1998,2023-11-25 20:18:35 PurplePillDebate,184p9kp,Women benefit from porn way more than men do,"Porn has many benefits for women: 1. Their partners don't need to be frustrated if she is not on the mood. They can just j\*rk off to porn. 2. Some women say that porn creates false expectations on men, but actually it is just the opposite... porn can complete the gap between reality and expectations. For example, men can watch porn while fucking their wives. That is why women are getting fatter and fatter and yet have no issues getting men in the age of porn, since men are OK because porn fills the gap. 3. Women that choose OnlyFans or become porn actresses can make good money. This means they pay taxes, can raise their kids, live a comfortable life, etc. 4. Sexually frustrated men can release themselves without bothering women. 5. Women can watch porn too!",,0,EuphoricBrightTipper,2023-11-27 00:10:43 PurplePillDebate,183q962,Prostitution should be legalized.,"I am not here to make the argument that legalizing sexwork would erode the significance and influence of women's pussy cartel. I am simply interested in achieving more good. Legalization allows them to unionize and apply for 401k and health insurance. It allows them the ability to seek legal aid an protection. Now it could be that an app comes along that begins jacking up prices like an online pimp but that can be taken care of by legislation hopefully. Now there are some users here who counter the legalization of sex work by establishing it as some uniquely terrible burden on women and stating that consent obtained by exchange of cash as illegitimate. Let me make this clear, you are delusional. Consent can be obtained by any means except threat to life and limb. Can sex for money be exploitative ? yes. But so is literally working any job. Next the argument is that sexwork places a unique burden on women that other jobs dont both in terms of consequences of the act itself and social consequences. My counter to that is ""military. I am making a one to one comparison in terms of profession not lionizing mens sacrifice. * Sex work is immoral. - Well so is killing a man. A soldier deployed in defense is OK I guess. but being sent to fight for your countries interests .. well that just sounds like whoring yourself out * Risk to life and limb? - worse as a soldier. * People get into prostitution because they are desperate and poor and want to have a better life and you are disgusting for taking advantage of that. - Same for the army, many recruits join because the army pays for college and there arent many scholarships for men. They even offer signing bonuses to entice lower income folk * Mental health concerns? - PTSD affects veterans and affects their families when they get back home IF in-spite of these demerits being a soldier is legal. There is no reason why prostitution shouldn't be legalised",,8,AdEffective7894s,2023-11-25 18:36:23 PurplePillDebate,1843s38,CMV: the Blue Pill/Beta Bux strategy is the best strategy for the vast majority of men,"For this, we will assume that the main goal of the majority of men in the dating market is to get the highest quality partner for a relationship and starting/raising a family. The index of female desirability is looks, youth, and femininity. The Blue Pill dating strategy involves courting a woman and investing emotionally in her and demonstrating (in various ways) that you will make a good partner in return for sexual access. The Red Pill strategy involves as little emotional investment as possible for sexual access and in many cases demands a lot of investment from the woman as well. Behavior only *exerts* an effect on how *physically attractive* you are to the opposite sex over long periods of time (months), with around 9 or so months of knowing someone completely nullifying someone's appearance as a factor for the decision to enter into a relationship. While somewhere around the 80th-tile for men is where *entry* into the casual sex market (at least via dating apps, *circa 2016*) is feasible. [https://miro.medium.com/v2/resize:fit:1024/1\*iC0UjKDxFViE3XZuk6MMUw.jpeg](https://miro.medium.com/v2/resize:fit:1024/1*iC0UjKDxFViE3XZuk6MMUw.jpeg) But guys at that level are only reliably getting very low quality women for casual sex. As you can see, only men at around the top 5% have casual sex options that are at a level that could serve as gf-material (for at least 90% of men)(in around the 80th-tile for women). So *for those men* it makes total sense to utilize a red pill strategy and just pick whoever as a gf. *For everyone else* if they have the stated goal above, *the red pill strategy makes no sense*. The path to the highest quality mate is the blue pill/beta strategy. &#x200B;",,0,SeveralLiterature980,2023-11-26 05:43:46 PurplePillDebate,183o4az,N COUNTS WEEKLY DISCUSSION THREAD,"&#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/3aHh4trC7B) Include your reddit username, pill color, age and gender when you arrive in the welcome mat to introduce yourself and help people get to know you. &#x200B; You can also find Mrs\_Drgree on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/?hl=en) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree) for notifications on when good threads are posted.",,3,AutoModerator,2023-11-25 17:00:15 PurplePillDebate,183enjb,Does demonization of sexuality affect you?,"Demonization of female sexuality is a very old traditional thing, now it is called slutshaming. Women are supposed to be pure and even here many men demand women to have a low number of partners. Slutshaming is horrible and there is a lot of criticism of it. Expressing such views in public is going to have negative consequences for a man. Demonization of male sexuality is different. Men are not shamed for having sex, sometimes on the opposite. I think, thats why many women claim that male sexuality is not demonized but celebrated. However men, who want sex and express it are called creeps, perverts, associated with rapists. Wanting a woman is somehow objectification et.c. So wanting sex makes you sinister, bad person. Even looking at women might be policed. Men having preference for body types, specific body parts, slim figure or even fat - is objectifying and fetishizing. Men who deviate from the gender norm of what men are supposed to want - are also shamed. Submissive men, for example. Interesting article about demonization of male sexuality: https://medium.com/wtf-moments/a-womens-sexual-desire-is-glorified-and-a-man-s-is-demonized-4e7867e9c5fc Though, how much it really affects your life? Do you have any real experience and examples of being shamed for sexuality?",,20,WanabeInflatable,2023-11-25 07:48:08 PurplePillDebate,1833edk,Loneliness has nothing to do with gender,"I recognise that male loneliness is a issue but I'm also sick of watching people act like women are not also suffering from this loneliness epidemic. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UbGZaGzWdfs&t=318s&ab\_channel=HealthyGamerGG](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UbGZaGzWdfs&t=318s&ab_channel=HealthyGamerGG) I think this video really sums up what I want to say, but more important are the comments under that video of women talking about their experience. I'll list out a few comments here: ""I'm an ugly woman. I had an ok looking face until a drunk man attacked me and broke my nose so bad that my face is permanently disfigured. Men treat me like dirt just for daring to exist in their presence. It's such a depressing existence but it's interesting to know that the grass isn't much greener on the other side"" ""I know a woman who was pretty and felt this way. She was constantly sexually harassed and was often scared for her safety. She gained weight as a defence mechanism and now she feels invisible because people look over her constantly. It feels like women can't win."" ""This one really hit hard. I'm a 23 year old woman, and I haven't had a single friend IRL since I was in middle school. Crippling social anxiety and autistic. All I've done for years is work and come home and waste my time away gaming. Any time I've tried to open up to someone about how isolated and empty I feel, they don't believe it. It also doesn't help that I am asexual, so when the only attention I get is the sexual advances from men, it leaves me feeling even more empty. After so many years of being in my room I feel like it's impossible for me to make a human connection anymore."" A lot of men try to dismiss female loneliness with the stupid point of ""Uh bu-t-t-t you can sle-e-p with as many guys as you want""-🤓 Being wanted for nothing more then sex does not make you feel better in any shape way or form. Some men literally fuck holes in their bed, being used for sex does not mean ANYTHING if that is the only thing people are interested in you for. Sex without love is nothing more then masturbating with some extra steps, it means NOTHING. ",,63,Economy-House171,2023-11-24 22:02:02 PurplePillDebate,182zuqg,Why are so many women like this?,"Scrolling Reddit and per usual, I notice the general trend of the typical hypocritical double standards coming from a lot of women when it comes to dating: 1. A LOT of women (especially on fеmіnist or women-centric subs): If you don’t date a girl who does ОnlyϜаns, you’re insecurе and a mіѕogуnіst. Your girl should be able to do ОϜ while you’re in a relationship and you shouldn’t judge a woman who had an ОϜ in the past (or present). If you think it’s chеatіng because other men are giving her attention and seeing her body, then you’re a sad, weak boy. 2. Also many of these same women: If you are a man and you have used/purchased ОϜ, then I will not date you. If we are in a relationship and you pay for ОϜ, you are basically chеatіng by giving her that kind of attention and paying and seeing her body. Basically: “Like, ОϜ is ok and women should be able to do what they want, but I wouldn’t date you, even though I would call you a ѕехist if the genders and roles were reversed and you were an ОϜ girl and I was a guy”. Bonus: Why does Reddit (and society at large) usually allow carte blanch for women to generalize men and say hаteful things about them, but if men do the same about women it’s considered hаte speech and people get bаnned or condemned and even jоbs may be lost?",,87,shanshkrishur,2023-11-24 19:24:58 PurplePillDebate,182sda4,The thing women don't understand is that there are millions of eligible women out there and a lot of guys can't get ONE (1) girlfriend.,"most of the time it isn't men complaining about not having access to one-night stands. They are literal virgins, or single men going through long periods without any romantic intimacy at all -- think about how absurd it is for so many guys to be unable to land a single date at otherwise a 50/50 gender ratio? There are millions of eligible women out there and a lot of men can't get ONE (1) girlfriend. Not a threesome, just one girl to go out with them. Even online: out of the hundreds of women who they swipe right on it often times doesn't result in a single match, not one girl has thought ""I want to be that guys partner"". And what do the women do? Tell men to constantly ""improve"" as inadvertedly implying there really is not eniugh to be an average bloke these days. Give them advice, often times completely contradictory; talk to women as people, but make your intentions clear from the get-go, just not too soon because she'll only think you want to put your dick in her, so you need to built rapport first, but don't you even try using this to weasel in her pants that way because that what ""Nice guys"" do and women hate it.",,221,Napo_De_Leone,2023-11-24 13:42:35 PurplePillDebate,183wk0j,"Are higher fertility women harder to have sex with, for anybody?","https://www.medicaldaily.com/science-reveals-mens-ideal-female-breast-size-linked-relatively-high-estrogen-407599 I just realized women with low waist to hip and larger boobs are more likely to get pregnant from sex. Now, the foundation of male attraction is the woman getting pregnant. Our goal is to get you pregnant. Alternatively, getting pregnant is the woman's worst nightmare. This defines why the sexes naturally dislike each other when it comes to casual sex. Men want women to be happy about getting pregnant, and women don't want to be. So my theory is that women with higher body counts have lower fertility levels. And, thinking back, most teenage single moms I have ever met had bigger boobs and thin waists like C cups or B cups, nothing unnatural but big enough to signal higher estrogen levels compared to her peers at the same body fat %'s. So my theory is that they just get pregnant faster than other women and have to stop hooking up to be a good mom, or, they are way harder to get to consent to sex because their fertility causes them to avoid it more and pick out rare guys they deem worthy of themselves. This adds up to the phenomena of women becoming more sexually active in their 30's when fertility levels are declining. As they probably feel at ease with less pressure to worry about getting pregnant. So the theory goes, the less she has to worry about the higher her body count will be. The more she has to worry about, the more she will only have sex with someone she wouldn't mind if she got pregnant with. Interestingly this can also explain why men dislike high body counts. Perhaps it is a sign that she is infertile if she has high bodycounts and no kids.",,0,Gundam_net,2023-11-25 23:22:35 PurplePillDebate,183oa2r,CMV: You can still act entitled without saying you feel entitled.,"Actions speak louder than words. In this case, attitude speaks louder than words. It’s one thing to get sad or disappointed, but when the complaints become about finger pointing, it’s a sign of entitlement. Don’t act like society and people not giving you what you want is an injustice. For example: “I’m skinny but skinny chicks still think they’re too good for me” Who are you to dictate what skinny chicks like? Who are you to think all a skinny girl should want is a skinny guy and nothing else? What if she wants a skinny guy with a good job while you’re skinny, 35, and still flipping burgers? What if she wants a skinny guy with a sweet personality and you’re a skinny jackass? Or simply, skinny girls can have whatever standards they want and it doesn’t have to include you. > [If this doesn’t make you rage quit I don’t what will.] (https://youtu.be/dKmvvBelNcw?si=Ex_dbljwm7eMiC4z) Women can keep saying this isn’t real life but if those normal looking men got laid in real life with normal looking girls they wouldn’t even need to go online begging obese pig women for attention. Normal girls are fucking chad so they don’t need their looksmatch. Why is it upsetting that fat girls are able to bang guys hotter than she is? You’re not obligated to fuck fat girls, so what’s the problem? Why does it bother you that women don’t have to fuck their looks match? If guys want to lower their standards to fuck a consenting adult without commitment, how is that your business? Is it because average looking girls don’t want you for hookups? BTW, to my Americans, fat is your average, so wanting a non-fat girl means you only want 33% of the population, maximum. “Women reward bad guys with sex” There is so much to unpack with that damn phrase. The fact the word “reward” is used so often definitely indicates entitlement because it implies seeing sex as a reward for your actions instead of an activity 2 or more people consent to. Are women not allowed to sleep with whoever they want as long as it’s a consenting adult? Who told you women give out sex like trophies instead of having her own standards for guys? You can claim to not be entitled, but when you see sex as a trophy and get mad when your behavior isn’t rewarded with sex, that is entitlement. Now let’s address a typical responses: “But when guys have standards/preferences, people hate it.” Two reasons. First, because you guys can’t be quiet about it. You compel yourself to be vocal jackasses about it. [Very few people would have cared that this guy didn’t find Emily Clark attractive if he wasn’t attempting to publicly shame her for aging.] (https://twitter.com/MillerStream/status/1629904921863798784) Second, because you guys are throwing a hissy fit over not getting what you want, which is a sign of entitlement. Most people don’t feel compelled to talk shit about people they don’t find attractive (unless it’s a negative personality trait). “But when can talk shit about guys they find unattractive and get away with it.”Then find me a popular tweet/post/video of a woman saying terrible shallow things about guys and getting praised by the majority of people. Every time I saw a viral tweet from some height queen, it gets ratio’d with people calling her a bitch. And if talking shit about guys’ height is common behavior for the women in your life, it’s time to ask yourself why do you gravitate towards women like that. My guess is those height queens are attractive.",,0,LillthOfBabylon,2023-11-25 17:06:53 PurplePillDebate,182qx6p,The one factor that ruins many marriages that we're apparently not allowed to discuss: children,"For every couple I know , their relationship took a nosedive after they had a child. Suddenly you have a little human that requires almost constant care and attention until they're at least 5 year old. Many babies literally scream if mom tries to put them down for a minute. Many babies literally can't sleep unless a parent is holding them. Yet people wonder why sex doesn't happen anymore. If the couple survives the first five years then it usually gets better. But that's a big if. Despite children drastically changing the relationship dynamic, I almost never see TRP discuss them as a possible reason for the breakdown of the marriage. I think there are two possible reasons for this : 1) TRPillers are men so they are not the primary caregiver. This leads them to underestimate the attention that a baby might require. 2) TRPillers tend to be right-leaning and the right romanticizes children and parenthood to an absurd degree. Therefore, nobody is allowed to point out the obvious hardships of taking care of a baby/toddler.",,128,Novel-Tip-7570,2023-11-24 12:21:03 PurplePillDebate,1838bmk,"If women are attracted to the more party animal type of guys, can guys be like that to attract women?","I was asked by my guy friend what I have done to get dates and get a gf, in order to help him out. I then asked my gf and a couple of women friends in the group, what helps me. They said that it was because I am just a part animal and I have so much energy compared to other guys, but also because I am more assertive compared to other guys as well. That and I try to stay in shape too, despite being a party animal. However, if this is what a good amount of women are attracted to, could other guys be this way, in order to get more dates if that is a good strategy?",,6,harmonica2,2023-11-25 01:44:18 PurplePillDebate,1837ef3,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, etc... in this thread. Here you can post everything you don't think warrants it's own thread. Or just do some socialising. Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. &#x200B; If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. &#x200B; Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,8,AutoModerator,2023-11-25 01:00:14 PurplePillDebate,182xtlw,Average and Just below average men are having a hard time because women are super pragmatic.,"(this is more true as women get older - as they get more jaded a relationship for its own sake is pointless to them.) You know how women say, that men are competing with the solitude they have without us in their lives.... It's not like our presence is some terrible thing. It's just that women are pragmatic as fuck. All those growing pains, awkwardness, compromises, little misunderstandings and the anxiety inducing need to trust each other in relationships ..... they just don't want to do for an average guy. What about a below average guy who has not had a relationship before? alone discarded and turned in on himself, self esteem shot to shit - can you imagine how difficult and exhausting it would be for a poor little woman to have to hand fold him through his first relationship?(oh the horror) They want an 'equal' relationship of course but with a guy who makes the investment worth it from the get go ie he needs to bring something to the table over and above what women have ( looks or means) and it is never about being a better person it just about either being a more of a sexual object or success object. Obviously these "" equal relationships"" are anything but when the man is simply better than the woman. The average man is not terrible. The average relationship is too tedious and the average woman is just too opportunistic for that. And a below average guy? lol. I guess men like me should just give up and buy an only-fans subscription where they can buy the creator a sex swing so that at least then they can be involved in 'a' sex life",,26,AdEffective7894s,2023-11-24 17:54:19 PurplePillDebate,183190y,are women doing okay?,"So most discussions on this sub (or frankly, most internet forums) evolve around “men need help”, “men suck” and “women suck” - but really, things like the collective mental health of women, the strain modern life has on them and so on isn’t brought up often, and when it is its usually berated with “lol you wanted equality well that’s what you get” or women sometimes even deflecting these issues. Mental health rates for women are… not good, they generally report to be just as lonely as men (not romantically, just loneliness as a whole), female suicide attempts are substantially higher than a man’s and a woman’s autonomy is actively brought to question (which creates a defensive response from a lot of women), generally psychiatric drug users are primarily women and im sure there is a lot more that im not covering. Of course, thetr are the obvious causes, primarily patriarchy, shitty fathers (who dont get as much shit as they should) and the brutal socio-economic conditions that force women to masculanize their behavior because men otherwise wont take them seriously - but i want to look internally, about what women can do themselves as well perhaps. I think the first step is most women need to accept that as things become more equal, they will get far less leeway for being one's object of desire - ie. you dont deserve to be given things just cause people want you. A second thing is that women will get less sympathy - of course, the current sympathetic model is born from a form of infantilization, so as women become more individualized this sympathy will reduce greatly. Thirdly, indirect calls for help are actively getting you closer to nowhere as at this point it primarily attracts those who wish to take advantage of you - lastly, be more sympathetic of others' struggles. Everyone is in pain, and we can only get out of this together (of course, sympathy ends when shity behavior exists, so to be clear to all the pill men out there, your bitter resentment isnt worthy of sympathy - chill out). So yeah, everyone is in pain, everybody's struggling - there is no point in self victimization, resentment or intense deflection.",,10,KayRay1994,2023-11-24 20:27:58 PurplePillDebate,182ve4d,Undesirable people today are treated as poor working people in Victorian times,"In Victorian times there were very well established social classes based on noble lines, but mainly on wealth and growth. They were early modern times, where everything was started to be invented, so many new rich people and inventions were popping and the wealth inequality was rampant. This also created a very toxic attitude toward poor people ""you are only poor because you choose to"", was probably the most common belief, and so was the belief that even children should be working. In Medieval times at least being poor was associated with where you were born, but in Victorian times it was associated with pure merit. Of course, eventually English society realized the toxicity of hating the poor, even during those times, and slowly made it taboo. Today, we still have some negative views of the poor, but not nearly as bad. We know that it has a lot to do with luck, but we don't forget personal responsibility is also important. Today we are also having our own technological changes, but on the context of social life. We are slowly shifting to only being acceptable to meet people online, and in real life is seen more and more as a disruption. Of course, online you can easily hide your personality or create fake profiles, or hide red flags, so it creates issues down the line, but also it gives you way more options than in real life: that is the tradeoff, quality for quantity. In any case you have to vet in real life soon or later, so it may become a loss of time for men and women who are serious about relationships. Today, we talk about undesirable people in the same way Victorians used to talk about the poor. At best they did not even see them, at worst they were demonized. This is specially true to men, but it also happen to women to a lesser extend. In retrospective, the Victorian view of the poor made more sense than judging people by looks as we do today, because you can only control looks so far, while there is no ceiling for building wealth. Maybe humans cannot exist without an underdog, be it ethnic, wealth or looks. **TLDR**: Undesirable people are the new underdog class, akin to how Victorians used to treat and demonize poor people.",,26,EuphoricBrightTipper,2023-11-24 16:05:02 PurplePillDebate,183kxg2,Wives are worth at least $30 million,"Based on this judgement, wives participating in marriage as business partners are worth $20 million just for showing up and $10 million tangibly which sounds like the money men spend on them. https://www.wral.com/news/local/story/9270098/ It sounds like women are worth twice as much as is spent on them, in general as 10 mil x 2 = 20. We can extrapolate the value of any business-partner-wife vs business-partner-husband based on the percentage of the judgement in cases like this compared to the overall value of the business combined with the marriage assets. How much are men actually contributing to the lifestyle? A woman showing up and/or sharing her body is worthy of punitive damages. Men sue other men for money over women sharing their feminine energy. As long as men can sue other men for a woman sharing herself in any way, men and women are not equal unless women can also sue for the same alienation of husbands and win the same punitive and tangible judgements. This is similar to the idea of women being paid the same amount as men. Does anyone have an example of a woman suing another women for large amounts of money for the alienation of her husband? I would like to see if men ever have worth for just showing up, how much they are worth and what kind of men those are",,0,meme-block,2023-11-25 14:30:00 PurplePillDebate,183cz2m,Discussion: What are your thoughts on the popularity of Femboys on Twitch?,"Since this is a ""neutral community to discuss sex and gender issues,"" I am curious to hear your thoughts on the popularity of Femboy streamers, such as F1NN5TER and FemboyUK, on Twitch. They have a high viewership, subscribers, and have a lot of followers on Twitch. ",,0,[deleted],2023-11-25 05:57:43 PurplePillDebate,1837tle,Do red pill people switch back to blue pill ?,"Title Do red pill users ever switch back to blue pill at a point ? Additional questions. How many blue pills can understand why red pill is taken // can they see themselves taking it in a different scenario ? Same question reversed How many red pills can understand why blue pill is taken // can they see themselves taking it in a different scenario. Cheers.",,0,Grouchy_Cookie_7813,2023-11-25 01:20:18 PurplePillDebate,182q051,Where are the impartial women?,"In browsing this subreddit, I seem to find 3 groups of people - 1. Incels/Mysogynists - Women are always evil, Men are always victims, etc. 2. Femcels/Misandrists - Men are always evil, Women are always victims, etc. 3. Impartial Men - Men and Women both suck (perhaps in different ways) What I cannot seem to find is the Impartial Women. Rarely if ever do I see a woman critiquing other women. Surely women cannot ALWAYS be in the right - us men certainly aren't. My assumption is that there are enough men here to support groups 1 and 3 but not enough women to allow for a contingent of neutral women to solidify.",,11,Im_Unsure_For_Sure,2023-11-24 11:22:40 PurplePillDebate,182wyzt,The “men should be able to cheat” argument…,"I see this dumb argument circling the X sphere and it’s not the first time. Let’s put biology aside, because the hardwiring is what it is and just because there is genetic gap and we have not evolved for modern times/tech doesn’t mean it gives one the ability to cheat recklessly. Let’s also put aside morality because it’s become apparent to me that most folks morality stems from their sexual strategy. This line of thinking is stupid, however I think it is worth noting where the idea comes from in the first place. Cheating entails two factors: availability and cause. Let’s focus on the former to connect to the latter. Majority of men have access to few sexual options and this likely becomes fewer through the lens of a marriage because (one would think) women don’t want to be home wreckers. So cause. Wouldn’t a better notion be that a man (and woman, for that matter) should never be in a position in a relationship where cheating is a viable alternative? Again, morality is aside, so saying “well no one should ever cheat” is not a viable response. If you are ensuring that your wife/husband/significant other is sexually satisfied, then wouldn’t this then be the number one way to curtail any potential cheating? Why is this never cited or pointed to in the context of such a problem? Or is the assumption that asking any questions regarding such a scenario is not allowed?",,1,No-Rough-7390,2023-11-24 17:15:20 PurplePillDebate,1828ara,Just rewatched Forrest Gump and it made me think about dating a lot,"I watched Forrest Gump a good amount when I was younger but hadn’t seen it in years and watched it again the other day. I know it’s just a movie but the treatment Forrest got from Jenny is not dissimilar to what happens to some men in dating. Throughout the film, Forrest goes from being a kid, to playing college football, to serving in the Vietnam War and winning the medal of honor, earning ping pong sponsorships and much more. Throughout all his accomplishments, he never forgets Jenny and pursues here wherever he is, despite her not reciprocating. While Forrest is out, Jenny is getting with other guys and doing drugs and eventually gets AIDS. It is only when she has a kid and has the virus when she comes running back to Forrest begging for his companionship because she has already lived her life and wanted to leave him with the kid. Eventually she dies and Forrest is left with the kid who may or may not even be from him and may or may not have AIDS. Basically he let her walk all over him, he can’t let her go and never once in the film is Jenny officially his girl. So with that being said it basically demonstrates being a guy who gets walked over, submits and constantly seeks approval despise Forrest being an accomplished man. It is interesting seeing movies where it doesn’t work out in the typical fairy tale way where everything works out and in that regard I find it realistic. Obviously as I said it is just a movie, but it does show the importance of being respected as a man and how hurtful it can be to be overly pursuant and submissive.",,87,zynandcoffee,2023-11-23 18:58:48 PurplePillDebate,1825kai,"""Treat women as human beings""","First of all, that statement is insulting. Not only does it assume that you are some sort of monster towards women, but it also assumes that you are doing it consciously. Second, it assumes that men treat each other so much better than they do women. But let's think about that for one second, by what metric do men treat each other better than women?... Because a few men hold most of the power in the world? Because those men decide to pass down their power to people like them, i.e. their family/friends/etc.? Rich people stay rich after all. But, by those metrics?... Because I have a lot of stats and history that says otherwise. The only time I could see this statement making some sort of sense is when someone is being awkward, or nervous, with the women they like. But isn't that normal? Why is it so weird for women that a man may be nervous to speak to them? I get it, ""women like confidence."" I don't agree with that though... at the very least, not completely. Women like to think their bf/husband/partner is confident, but the amount of those who show massive insecurities and red flags is astounding. And those things aren't hidden or a surprise to the women they are in a relationship with. They just lie to themselves. It is ironic that the stereotype of ""thinking with our dicks"" is only attributed to men, when women do just about the same. Aren't we equal/the same after all?",,105,UpstairsAd1235,2023-11-23 16:56:45 PurplePillDebate,182stqo,How Important Do You Think Your Romantic Life is to Your Happiness?,"For me, it is somewhat important, but not too important. I have other goals, such as becoming a software engineer, and publishing a novel that are more important. Overall, what would you rank as more important: your love life or your career?",,1,yuriw99,2023-11-24 14:04:53 PurplePillDebate,182divy,"Do you think you are more judgemental of your own sex, or the opposite sex, and why?","I had a moment of introspection today while discussing with one woman, which women I liked in our friend/acquaintance group and why. I realized that women have to do something pretty abrasive for me to not like them. Otherwise I generally like them and have something about each of their personalities that I appreciate. Most are rather friendly to me as a default. While with my male friends , statistically I'm more selective and see more of their flaws even if they are friends and the flaws aren't a bother to me. I believe this is because I simply lack a common experience with women. I don't have years of interaction woman to woman or with women when no men are around etc. I don't think the way they do and don't have a lot of insight to why they do what they do. Where with men our similarities means I can much more readily see their motivations and have a better perspective of who they really are. I once worked a summer in a candle shop with all women. I remember we had a meeting where we discussed how to deal with some of the obstacles of selling. For the most part non of these issues applied to me. The women said as much. ""Oh youre a guy, they won't treat you that way."" I think it may be why sometimes even women will assume a mans competence in some area, while closely evaluating another woman. I realized I do it myself if something is a typically feminine role. I would assume a woman is competent while closely evaluating the man. In any case I think sometimes we can inadvertently favor the opposite sex at least when it comes to closely judging their traits. Perhaps I'm not the only one who is a bit blind to the character of the opposite sex, for simple lack of shared experiences. Sometimes I think we assign motivations just to fill in the blanks in our minds and it's often a reflection of our own prejudice, be that good or bad prejudice. Perhaps it's telling of your general attitude towards that group. We often do it here as we assume a person of another gender to automatically be combative to our viewpoints. So for me. I'd admit I'm more judgemental of other men despite finding more male friends since it's just more likely we will share common interests. ETA; 1. I think maybe a better example of my bias may be for instance; I might think a woman was super nice. While the woman beside me has summized it was fake because she just doesn't want to be disliked or because she thinks I'm hot or whatever reason. Where I wouldn't be fooled by fake nice from a man as I would better understand his motivation. 2. I'm mildly surprised by the variety of answers here, it's fascinating to see all of your POVs. I appreciate the participation. 3. Apologies if any of my responses seem presumptuous, they're meant to just draw out more detail and try to relate.",,14,Fun_Push7168,2023-11-23 23:09:34 PurplePillDebate,182bfus,cock blocking your friends against their wishes,"I saw this TikTok video, and I got to thinking about how often it is that people cock block each other. https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT8yCEjaR/ In this video, a woman is preventing her friend from talking to a guy that she seems to be interested in. She physically gets between them. I'm curious what your thoughts are on this type of behavior. Why would you do this to your friend? Edit: I'm not suggesting this is a ""huge deal""",,18,Windmill_flowers,2023-11-23 21:29:42 PurplePillDebate,17yb0wo,The best city for dating men,"According to severals sources, New York City is the wealthiest city in the world with more than 300 000 millionaires living there. We know that women look for financially successful men for relationship. As a woman if you can't get a rich man in the wealthiest city, you won't get a rich men anywhere. Lets actually dig deeper. The USA is the wealthiest country with the most millionnaires. As a woman if you can't get a rich man in the wealthiest country, you won't get a rich men anywhere.",,13,Otherwise_Possible2,2023-11-18 17:12:46 PurplePillDebate,17pdn33,An appeal.,"Please mods, dispense with this horrible idea that you must be appropriately flaired to comment. Half the threads are virtually unreadable with pages and pages of Automod's sterile ""You must be appropriately flaired..."" littering the thread. How am I supposed to get my daily trainwreck fix with that going on? ;)",,90,Bikerbats,2023-11-06 21:28:59 RedPillWives,1aghos3,How do I find male supportive marriage counseling?,"wise naughty smoggy coordinated doll enjoy plucky berserk sort dazzling *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*",,8,FuriousBugger,2024-02-01 18:21:27 RedPillWives,1ag9l4s,How to have an emotional connection?,"Well my last post was wildly judged, so I'll try a different route. I (38f) want an emotional connection with my husband (39m); honesty, communication, vulnerability, etc. He says he wants that now (not quite two months into attempted reconciliation), but that previously an emotional connection never occurred to him. He said previously his ideal perception of marriage was sex and no fighting. My concern is that if I do all the things recommended I'll never get an emotional connection because he will be getting that ideal marriage. Important to mention he is severely avoidant and has intense difficulty with emotions. He has been able to get used to it with his sponsor, counselor, and support group, but he says its because they always encourage him and provide affirmation even when he is wildly in the wrong. I don't really know how to encourage him and make him feel good about when he hurts me, so I definitely feel like I'll never reach the level they are at. I would appreciate advice vs judgement please.",,3,Few-Laugh-6508,2024-02-01 12:12:48 RedPillWives,1afytk0,Struggling with dating a high value man.,"I (23F) have been with my boyfriend (34M) for about 2 1/2 years. I would say overall we work really well together and we have the same goals of settling down and having a family. We have lived together for most of our relationship and have a dog and a couple cats! We both also like to have fun and let loose, and I would say we’re (for the most part) sexually compatible. I am new to RPW (like today lol) and the RP methodology in general, my boyfriend is the one who first introduced me to everything. I did not classify myself as a feminist before I met him, but I also did not entirely fit in with “traditional” values either. The problem is basically my internal fight between wanting to be traditional for my boyfriend, but also wanting to protect myself. The longer we’ve been together the more I can see myself settling into the homemaker role, but I’m scared to give up my dreams and my autonomy. I am currently in university to which involves a practicum. I am absolutely loving my practicum’s, the work itself, and I think I’d find the job truly fulfilling! In addition to being in school full time and my practicum, I also have a part-time job which takes up my evenings for most of the week. I want to pursue this career, not only because I think I would love it, but also because it would provide me with skills I could fall back on should my relationship fail. My boyfriend is in a highly prestigious career, and within the next 10 years it’s likely he would need someone with a flexible schedule who can take care of the home, hypothetical children, and other miscellaneous tasks. He already has quite a busy schedule between his job, the gym, his side business, and his personal goals (he’s trying to read 5 books a month this year). At the moment, I am truly struggling with trying to satisfy his expectations. I’d say the house chores at the moment are split 60/40 with him taking the heavier load. He has a high sex drive, and during the week I am so overwhelmed and exhausted I’m usually not in the mood. We had a chat about our sex life about 9 months ago about how it was not frequent enough for him. Since then I have been tracking every time we’re intimate so I can get a sense of when I need to initiate sex so he can feel satisfied. Recently, he has stated that the sex isn’t spontaneous enough and there’s no buildup throughout the day to get him excited. (I’m having trouble here truly getting into the right headspace to solve this problem). He has voiced a few times during conversations that when I start my career and/or we have children, he expects me to pick up a lot more slack as he would not be able to. I am worried that when that happens, I will feel exactly as I do now: exhausted and worthless. I am spread so thin at the moment. Between school, my practicum, studying, my job, the dog, keeping up with the house, my health (haven’t been to the gym since August), and trying to keep my libido up, I just feel like I can’t do anything well enough. Like I’m not putting enough effort into anything. I’ve talked to my boyfriend about this before and he reassured me that I’m doing fine, he loves me, and he doesn’t expect me to be perfect. But I just know that his fantasy is the hot wife who can do it all. In a couple years I’m sure he could find a woman like that, given his lifestyle. With my current dreams I doubt I could ever fulfill his the way he wants. He has such high standards and expectations for himself and everyone around him, and everyday I feel less and less capable of meeting them. What can I do besides giving up my dreams? Is there anyone here who has gone through something similar?",,7,LostPlant,2024-02-01 01:29:13 RedPillWives,1afbrxo,I need to forgive his sexual past but don't know how. *Cross posted*,"Edited to add: it was mutually agreed upon that relationships during separation were permissible as part of the legal separation. My (38f) husband (39m) previously had a porn addiction and has been in recovery a little over a year. We separated a few months ago because of his addiction and his constant lying. He finally wanted to change after I slept with someone else and he realized I really would leave. Married 15yr, together 17yr. Initially reconciliation was going well, then I fell right back into the same pattern. I get triggered by his past and don't trust that he is honest. For reference, he started having to fantasize about porn or other women to even be with me when I was pregnant, then progressively stopped having sex with me altogether. Before he quit porn he didn't touch me for almost five years. He admitted right before we separated that he slept with me while closing his eyes and imagining the super hot waitress we had while we were on date night that night (who was literally almost 20 years younger than him). Here is the issue; he is showing me he really is sorry, but I can't accept it because everything he ever did was in secret and I know I'm not his physical type. His type is tan/blonde with huge breasts (he once said that is his absolute favorite thing about a woman), tiny waist, big butt. He has always said titty f*cking is one of his favorite acts. I'm fair skinned, smaller breast, average waist, medium size butt. At a healthy weight titty f*cking is not an option. I resent the hell out of him for this... most men would be thrilled to get bl*wjobs all the time, but he wishes he could have the thing I can't give him. He says that doesn't matter anymore, that he loves me and never wants to risk losing me again. I want to believe him, but I don't know how. I can't go out in public with him because its too much. I get enraged every time I see a woman that fits his ideal. Also important to the story...we have amazing sex, but I am the high libido partner. He was high libido when it was porn/lust, but is lower when its just me. His isn't low per se, but once or twice a week doesn't bother him in the least. Yes all his levels have been checked and are fine. Yes I have done everything possible to make sure the sex is amazing for him. How do I even reconcile if I can't move on? How do you move on from this?",,7,Few-Laugh-6508,2024-01-31 06:54:54 RedPillWives,1afctmc,Struggling to be a good wife while trying to be a good mum?,"So I have a 1.5 year old and I'm a FTM. I've noticed that I have tunnel vision about baby and throughout the day, even while at work (part time for now) I'm thinking about baby, all the time. She is my #1 priority and we have a great little bond. I can tell husband feels a little neglected and I really don't blame him. I just find it very hard to get out of mum mode and into wife mode. I barely have any energy at the end of the day left for him or us. I want to eat, tidy up, watch something silly on YT and go to sleep. Any tips on how to get out of mum mode and into wife mode?",,2,cyprushomemaking,2024-01-31 08:03:12 RedPillWives,1ablrgm,I’m so tired of being stuck,"My [30F] boyfriend/fiance [26M, let’s call him M] have been together for a 6+ years. We kind of stumbled together when I was looking for someone to move in and share the bills. We had met about 5 months earlier, became sexually actively and hung out so much that when he offered to move in, it made sense (at the time). He was 20 years old and moved from a house of a bunch of guys. He had never been in a serious relationship and was overall very “green” in life. My relationship that ended before him was with a much older, physically abusive guy so when I met M, he was a breath of fresh air. He was so kind, the sweetest guy I ever met. We became close. About a month or two in, I realized that he kept coming up late on his portion of rent. It immediately infuriated me. I grew up very independent and responsible so I couldn’t understand why he couldn’t get his sh*t together. I grew very annoyed and became turned off. So much so, that I told him I want to start making myself available for other men. I told him I wanted an open relationship (in hindsight, I should have broken things completely off. But I was stupid and trying to find a “better” solution). He agreed to it. Within days, I was dating. A lot. While he…didn’t. We did this for years and it changed our relationship and quite frankly, him as well. I don’t think he ever actually dated or had sex with anyone during this time, but he did talk to women. Over the six years we’ve been together, we’ve bought and sold a home, traveled the country, lived in 6 different homes. We’ve grown so close and have shared a life together. In 2019, about two years into our relationship, he proposed to me. He always told me he wanted me to be his wife, since we met. I was always reluctant because he is very young, inexperienced and irresponsible. When he proposed, I broke down in tears. I was so depressed that he asked me but I didn’t know how to say no. Not to mention, I also hated the ring he got me. He never asked what I liked or anything. Even though we’ve done so much together, basically act married and have lived together, I have always been extremely turned off by his inability to provide and lead our household. He’s made the dumbest mistakes over the years - one got me in jail (as the responsible one, this tears me apart to this day and I struggle finding a way to forgive him) and the other got the home we lived in (that I purchased) destroyed by two 17 year old meth heads he allowed to rent our basement. I didn’t want to live there after and the home got sold just one year later. His mistakes have been so detrimental to my life and every day, I crave being with someone who I can trust to lead us and makes good decisions. I know no one is perfect and I love him to pieces. These are literally our only issues. I got the strength to leave him in 2022 when our open relationship led to me meeting someone who asked me to marry him (I said yes). I was exhausted with not having the life and relationship I wanted, having to lead someone who couldn’t help me if I was in need. I sold the home and moved out the state to be with this man, only to find out it wasn’t the relationship I wanted. So I came back to the state I lived in and M was there with open arms. I moved in with him. By this point, he realized how important it was for me to be with a man who can provide and lead. I haven’t had to pay a bill since and he has been trying. I even told him the ring I want and he has been trying his hardest to save up for it. He loves me so much and does anything in his power to make me happy. But he’s so different now. I think the years of rejecting him has made him angry. He’s lost his charm. His optimism about life. When we used to disagree, we could just talk about it. I always loved that we could communicate. Now he yells, he started calling me names when he’s angry (like stupid and dummy). He never spoke to me this way before. I love this guy so much, we have so much history together (some of us it horrible though and idk how to get past it), and we know each other relatively well. But for six years, I’ve grown tired of him and daily fantasize about being in a relationship with someone who hadn’t ruined parts of my life. Someone who can provide the life I want. Just starting over. Coming from two generations of women who are unmarried, I really wanted a different outcome for myself. I want a traditional marriage. I want to be a homemaker. He agrees to it and is willing to work toward it but now that I’m 30, I’ve been in a career I don’t enjoy waiting for M to give me the green light to quit but he’s not as driven as I am and just straight up doesn’t set goals and aggressively works toward them. He just says he wants to do things and just doesn’t do them lol. I end up doing most things like travel and going out alone because he’s just so cringe to me and I’m always anxious he is going to mess something up. Like I’d rather me alone and know things will go smoothly. I know that bothers him but it’s so necessary to my mental peace. I am trying to figure out if my gut has been right for years and I need to cut my losses and just leave. Or if I’m being too demanding, impatient and unreasonable and should keep working at this like married people do. Would I be a cop out for leaving a man who would give me the world if he could because he can’t do it now? Or am I right for pursuing the life i want with one of the several suitors I’m approached my on a regular basis? Am I too optimistic for thinking he will grow up and mature? Or is this something most men just go through? When he does get his stuff together, will he resent me for being so unhappy for so long? He already tells me he knows he isn’t good enough for me (this usually comes up in arguments and it comes from him, not me). I’ve been stuck for so long because I’m scared of making a decision I regret. I’ve thought about just getting my own place and dating, something I’ve never done (I’ve never lived alone) so it honestly intimidates the hell out of me and I know it shouldn’t. I’m too old for this lol. I know this is a mess but I am asking that you please give sound and kind advice. I’m already stressed and have been dealing with this dilemma for YEARS. I am literally emotionally drained. Bonus - if there are any ladies out there that have had a similar story, can you please share what you did. TL DR - Would I be a cop out for leaving a man who would give me the world if he could because he can’t do it now? Or am I right for pursuing the life i want? It’s very hard to sum up our crazy relationship in a paragraph but I tried my best. Feel free to ask more questions if more context is needed. Any advise, insight, stories are welcome. I just ask that you all don’t be unnecessarily rude. Thank you.",,9,[deleted],2024-01-26 16:05:01 RedPillWives,198vwu9,Coping with the past,"For context my husband and I have been married 17 years. We’ve got 4 kids. Our second oldest isa strong willed 13 year old. I’ve been dealing with his massive tantrums since he was 2. When he hit 7/8 I realized they weren’t normal tantrums. When he was younger my husband and I thought spanking was the way to go since that’s how we were raised and many of the parenting books we had read backed that up. My husband didn’t believe me. And it was blamed on me. So I would call and explain how our child was hitting me and pushing and kicking and all of those *wonderful* things. And it was my fault. I wasn’t being firm enough or spanking enough or there must have been something I was doing that was causing that OR it wasn’t as bad as I was saying it was. My husband didn’t seem to have the same issues. So when I would talk about counseling or medication he would brush it off. Why is this coming up now? Because while my son doesn’t go quite a crazy he has his moments and last night was one of them. My husband finally had realized how hard our son is however with no acknowledgment of how he treated me regarding our son’s behavior. And for whatever reason last night and this morning I’m very upset about it. When we moved into our home 7 years ago my husband had an OCD episode and then got very angry with me (this period last about 12-18 months). About how I don’t keep up my role as a wife the way he keeps up his role as a husband. And I was so upset about it for a long time until I relented and said “fine I was a bad wife you should be angry”. I took responsibility for the things I attributed to the marriage. But when I look back… I realize I did do things. I did a lot of things that went totally unnoticed or even demeaned that I was doing it all wrong. I was managing a home and family and trying to keep everything together while my husband totally lost it for a year. I was homeschooling 2 kids and had a toddler and a newborn. My oldest has dyslexia and I was going through all the hoops to get a diagnosis and tutoring. I never asked my husband for help with any of that. Our middle child was losing it because the change of moving house triggered his outrages and tantrums big time (not only did I not have help with this my husband was telling me how it wasn’t happening and I was doing everything all wrong). Anytime I’ve ever brought any of this up… I am still wrong. I wasn’t cleaning the house properly. I gained weight. So yes according to my husband he shouldn’t have yelled at me, but he is still justified in his anger. But it still seems like he has *zero* idea of what I went through emotional and how much of it was *cause directly by his actions*. I’ve apologized profusely and changed so so many things to adjust and become more of what he expected from a wife. I’ve gone through no affection (and still barely any affection) and essentially feeling worthless like I can’t do anything right. things are going well between us right now. They have been for a few months. I’ve been following a lot of the Laura Doyle skills. But then last night all of this was triggered in me. And I realize if I bring any of this up it will be an argument and I will hear about all of the things I did wrong. And my husband says his responsibility is that he is the man and shouldn’t have allowed me to get away with my behavior for as long as he did (not keeping the house clean and overspending the budget). So essentially even in that it’s back in what I was doing wrong and he just didn’t stop me from doing it. Anytime things get good between us these sorts of things just start coming up from deep inside my brain and my gut (I don’t know how else to explain where it comes from but just this feeling in the pit of my stomach). I don’t know - I just don’t know how to cope and out those things in the past and enjoy what I have now. Also for the last 18 months or so I’ve been taking care of my mom who has cancer. In September we were told it was terminal. I’ve been in a free fall ever since. Being burned out and sad and all the things. It hit a point where I have bee depressed and just going through the motions. I realize I’ve been depressed And I’ve been pushing through it. I mention it to my husband and he gets upset because “I have his dream life”. I get to work part time and otherwise stay at home with the kids. He then explains I’ve struggled with this for the whole marriage I just couldn’t see it. I know I have a tendency to get depressed. I know all my shortcomings - I promise you. I know I am 180 pounds when I should be 125/130. I know I have adhd and mu house is way messier then it should be. I get it. I also know I do contribute and have contributed to our marriage and family. It just absolutely doesn’t get acknowledged and if I ask for it I get told why I shouldnt (or if I ask for sex more often or more affection). But again - it’s peaceful. There’s no arguing. It’s happy between us. I don’t know. I feel like I can’t be happy and anytime I try I start thinking about whay happened and why I shouldn’t be happy. Or that it all needs to be resolved before I can be happy. as an aside: my mom‘s most recent scans a few weeks ago show no evidence of cancer in her lungs and her prognosis has totally changed at this point :)",,9,anothergoodbook,2024-01-17 12:55:19 RedPillWives,198cb9x,Maintaining Attraction While Nursing,"Im posting here as this is really and truly a married/partnered women problem and I am seeking advice from that perspective. How do you go about maintaining desire while breastfeeding a baby? From a biological perspective, nursing a baby floods the female body with tons of oxytocin to help bond mother and baby. This is the same hormone system that is used in pair bonding for women, and it is the rush of oxytocin that we get from orgasms that women tend to crave when wanting sex. Several aspects of intimacy (skin to skin, eye contact, nipple stimulation) stimulate oxytocin, and generally, craving those things from your man comes across as genuine sexual interest (because it is on a very biological level). So while nursing, my body is full of oxytoxin already from nursing around the clock. Even though I find my man attractive and am very responsive to when he is interested, I just find that I have little to no spontaneous desire for sex myself. So is my only solution to fake interest and just remind myself to initiate until Im done nursing and that craving desire returns? Or is there something I can do to increase my spontaneous desire? Note: my partner is not unhappy with the situation, hes very understanding, but I know it means a lot when I initiate and genuine desire is important.",,5,Purple-Poppins,2024-01-16 20:01:27 RedPillWives,195rk0o,RPW Resources?,"Hello friends and Happy Saturday! Many RPWs share “The Surrendered Wife” and the Bible as a go-to resource for both ourselves and when asked by someone to learn more about our lifestyle. Are there any other resources you would recommend that help teach and expand on Tradwife theories? For context, I have a friend who is not an RPW but is very interested in learning more. Every question she asks me just further confirms the reputation about us and stereotypes about being a RPW/Tradwife are so offbase. Her: But you are rare right? A tradwife that works outside the home? Me: I wouldn’t say rare, especially in this economy (ha!). That doesn’t change our belief that the role as a wife are domestic duties and caretaking, femininity, emotional rearing of the children, and most importantly to maintain the patriarchal structure in our family. It’s important that beyond these principles, you and your husband determine what works best for where you are in life. So it got me thinking, what else would I recommend for her to learn more? Your ideas are greatly appreciated! Edit: I’ve decided the Bible as a “go to resource” is an overstatement and biased towards my own religion. ",,1,Jcrystal82,2024-01-13 16:18:11 RedPillWives,194lkvt,How did you master The Art Of STFU?,"I am tired of nagging and criticizing and sighing and having a bad attitude. My husband has had it. Something needs to change because my marriage is suffering. Please give me all your advice on how you learned to stfu. I don’t just want to be good at it for one or two days. I want it to be a part of who I am, for the benefit of everyone in our family. I’ve read The Surrendered Wife when we got married but it’s been almost 10 years now and I’ve still so much to work on and improve. *edit:* I just got permanently banned from a motherhood subreddit for posting on redpillwomen.. what is wrong with reddit?",,46,JesusBBackSoon,2024-01-12 03:54:45 RedPillWives,18t4pda,"Long time commenter, my first post","Hello all, I’ve been thinking of how to turn this vent into asking for a positive actionable solution. I am a RPW who is white collar hes blue collar (not a plumber) - we are very rural. I was raised by a single mother and I’m also the eldest sibling so my biggest hurdle has and always will be letting him lead. I’ve done very well as we’ve grown together throughout our marriage but this 1 thing is still a struggle and happens to be occurring today. 11pm - what’s that weird sound coming from the bathroom? 1am- bathroom flooded wall caving in I have a flashlight and headlamp on searching for how to turn to water to the house off outside (note to self learn basic house maintenance helper things like turning off the water). And now, my husband is outside w the neighbor, saying words I don’t know, I’m filling buckets of water to keep toilets flushed for the fam….and lunch, and trying to put disgusting towels in a full washing machine that can’t be used. I just want to yell CALL THE PLUMBER FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST CALL.THE.PLUMBER.- am I crazy? There is a problem….call the expert to fix the problem? I suggesting this very casually “I hope we aren’t going to need a plumber for this!” And he responds with “me too…” mission failed. How do those with DIY men convince them it’s time to call in the professionals? SOS!",,8,Jcrystal82,2023-12-28 21:12:43 RedPillWives,18q4w3x,The Boulgogi Coup has been cancelled because my SIL just rolled MILs truck.,"She's fine. She is at a great hospital. She broke a couple bones. The truck is of course totalled. I'm waiting for the next update. DH just asked me ""so, do you think we can vacpac and freeze all that marinating meat?"" For all you reading this - It sounds a LOT worse than it is. This is par for the course for her. She is on probation for a DUI and this is not her first ""probation violation"" That being said.... \*deep breath\* Yep. My strong ""I don't need no man and am not sure who my baby daddies really are"" SIL (who is currently on probation for a DUI) just stopped what I think would have been an epically hilarious petty but positive revenge Christmas. For all of you who were waiting to see what happened? I am just as disappointed as you. I'm going to go pour myself a rum and coke and..... appreciate this Karmic intervention. Any one know how long you can keep boulgogi in it's marinade in the freezer? I'm not opposed to trying again next year! ;) &#x200B; Merry Christmas y'all &#x200B;",,15,IWTTYAS,2023-12-24 22:00:49 RedPillWives,18p2wm1,Grace: The Key To True Femininity,"**Grace: What is it?** I have been reflecting upon this recently, ***Grace*** is the key to channeling femininity within yourself. >**It is a way of being that allows you to surrender.** This is not a surrender as in to not do anything about something entirely (not always), but to be less active in situations and let things come to you, as well as acting with gentleness. In today's society, women are basically groomed to be masculine, especially in mindset and communication. Wherever you look, there's strong and mouthy female characters, and the actresses behind them also encourage this behaviour. Our mothers could also be raised by generations scarred by the 70s, men and have aggress/defensive characters, now it's become quite normal. **Grace: Where is it?** Some women still have such femininity, though they were more common decades ago, like in movies up to the 60s, and grandmothers who were brought up in traditional homes/cultures.Think Marilyn Monroe, Julie Andrews and in both films and real life: Audrey Hepburn. They speak gently and move with elegance, they aren't easily argumentative and if they do assert themselves, it's with dignity and eloquence. I suppose grace has all these things.Even in the way they move and deal with challenges, there is grace. They aren't completely helpless but they are clever, choose words carefully and deal with things by avoiding aggression (unless in emergencies).**They bring joy and brightness in the lives of those around them, rather than negativity.** **Grace: How do I...?** First, it starts with mindset. Think about your thoughts and reactions to good and bad things. Stop and 'reroute' your thinking towards **gentleness and surrender.** Directions such as: >***'How can I make this situation lighter/easier?'*** > >***'Do I really need to do something right now or can I just see what happens?'*** > >***'Can I respond in a subtle but assertive way?'*** &#x200B; Let me show you some examples in different situations: Good/normal situations 1. *You're doing your chores but it doesn't feel like you're getting through a lot.*Ungraceful: Mentally complain and keep doing them, maybe even call someone to rant about it.**Graceful:** Set a good song/show/audiobook that lightens your mood and distracts you. Set a reward and then joyfully claim it when you're done. 2. *You're in a call with your friend and she explains to you her mixed day.*Ungraceful: Teasing and saying a funny but mean comment about something she doesn't like, so you two bond about it. Swearing when you are feeling something extreme.**Graceful:** Listening with empathy and giving warm understanding. Encouraging her to look at things in a good light and developing gratitude. Complimenting her honestly. 3. *You're nervous about a date tonight.*Ungraceful: Call all your friends and analyse all the messages between you and your date. Start filling the silence during the date with topics you think are 'interesting'.**Graceful:** Distract yourself during the day before the date and set a good mood through scents/music/atmosphere as you're getting ready, to calm you. Embrace the silence and smile kindly, allowing him to speak in turn. Bad situations 1. *Your mother/father criticises you about something you're doing in your life.*Ungraceful: Talk back and also criticise them back, even with a comment that is true.**Graceful:** Tell them that they are being hurtful, clearly but without a hostile tone and state that while they're allowed to think what they think, that you'll draw boundaries here and not continue the conversation if they do not stop. 2. *You get catcalled in the street.*Ungraceful: Make a rude gesture/comment back to show them.**Graceful:** Act like it didn't even happen and find something in the moment that makes you smile/happy (maybe a nice Instagram account, a hilarious clip, something cute). 3. *Your SO is in a bad mood about something and does not wish to share and talk.*Ungraceful: Badgering him continuously with questions so that you know what the issue is.**Graceful:** Asking him and if he still refuses to share, assuring him you respect that and reminding him that you're there should he need it, in the way he thinks is best. **Remember...** Grace is not easy, especially in this modern world because most women may not even know what it is. You would rarely see it and barely have examples.So give yourself time to allow yourself to be graceful, to stop and take initiative before you react. >The more you ***choose grace***, the easier and more natural it becomes, until you don't need situations anymore. Grace becomes your default. When you act and think with grace, life becomes less a struggle because you're not fighting/being defensive about everything, and since you bring joy everyone around you is more happy to help you, deepen relationships with you and think well of you. I hope this is helpful, and that grace enters your life. &#x200B; xx ThatStepford Gal &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B;",,39,ThatStepfordGal,2023-12-23 10:27:05 RedPillWives,18otlju,Two women who can't cook are gonna shove bread into a bird's butt and we're gonna die. (Do I through a Boulgogi Coup on Christmas?),"I need some help. Do I bring Boulgogi to Christmas? EDIT - THROW. I'm thinking of throwing a Boulgogi Coup I don't know where else to ask and think some of you can add some thoughts. My MIL and SIL are special. I have been with my DH for 18 years. His family dosen't Turkey or Ham on Christmas. They do something THEY call Boulgogi. It is NOT. It's rice and raw meat strips they chuck straight into the pot with water. They boil the strips in the water until the rice is blown and then dump soy sauce into it until it's brown. I can make Boulgogi. I make Boulgogi at home for us every few months. I had a neighbor who taught me to cook some Korean dishes. I have never said a word, offered to help, stepped in, corrected, or even touched their Faux-gogi while they're cooking. I also have a cast iron gut so I choke it down every year. Whatever. I'm a guest. I'm not saying anything. Every year is the What should I bring? question. Every year I'm told to bring something that goes with Boulgogi. I've suggested things and no matter what I say the answer is the same ""oh - whatever you want to be bothered to make"" I've done eggrolls.""Why did you bring those - no one in this family eats egg rolls"" I brought Kimchee ""What on earth is that? Oh - that's that rotten cabbage crap!"" I also had cucumber Kimchee and the response was ""Rotten cucumbers! Even better!"" I've done rice paper puffs with the little ones. ""OH! That's how they make styrofoam"" This has happened for 18 years. Today the call comes ""We are starting Christmas at Noon on Monday. Oh - and SURPRISE! We're doing a Turkey with stuffing! HOUSTON - WE HAVE A PROBLEM - RED ALERT - ALL HANDS ON DECK! The first Thanksgiving I attended we ate Pizza. They eat pizza on thanksgiving because a Turkey is too hard to make. I make a Turkey every couple months because why not? And told them that. They have voluntold me yearly that I bring Turkey to Thanksgiving. I never bring a whole turkey. I bring it already carved. It's always a hit and I often get the ""he married you for your Turkey"" line (which I find sweet.) My SIL and MIL can not cook. They do not own a meat thermometer. I have seen them undercook pounded chicken breast on a gas BBQ grill (which I really did NOT think was possible) If something comes in a can they use the entire contents of the can. Green beans? Why drain em! There's salt in that water. The water gives it flavour. Monday I'm going to be walking into a food inspectors nightmare. I listened to the voice mail twice. She said a Turkey with Stuffing. **Y'all, two women who can't cook are gonna shove bread cubes into a bird's butt and we're gonna die.** The 40 year tradition has ended. It's Turkey time. I have packed an emergency meat thermometer. I did buy a couple packs of cookies that they mentioned I could bring for Dessert. I also have 2 boxes of Stove Top to replace the goo I know I'm going to have to unspackle from the inside of a sketchy temped bird. Here is where I need your help. I am hinging my hope on these words >*Tell your wife she can bring whatever she wants.* If she can, we need a couple packs of cookies for the kids! I want to bring Boulgogi. Just a small crock and my rice cooker I want to play the ""just so we can say the tradition has been uninterrupted for 41 years if we go back to it next year"" card with some condiments (think a jar of kimchee, some sprouts, spicy mayo, etc) I'm really doing this for anyone who isn't a fan of whatever will happen during the ""great Turkey Experiment of 2024"" I want a back up plan. I brought this up to my DH and he said he loved the idea. I want to make enough for a few adults and any kiddos who's parents are not a fan of under cooked poultry. He wants me to make a Boulgogi BackUp. My MIL and SIL are going to be awful people no matter what I do - If I bring Boulgogi in any quantity they are going to throw a fit. If I don't we might end up with bagged salad, brown and serve rolls out of the bag, and half frozen pies. (They're cooked! It says so on the box. Heating the apple pie in the oven is OPTIONAL. You can put it in the microwave if you need to.) I will be also be tasked with fixing whatever they did, if possible, regardless. (I sound awful, I know. I am not ""better than"" them and I'm not trying to say I am. I just have a skill set that's been more refined than theirs.) If I call my MIL to run this by her for approval she will say yes then she's going to turn this into a ""Your wife just called to tell me that I can't cook"" thing and DH is likely to tell her ""She's right"" There will be fall out if people like my version of Boulgogi but I really don't care. I want food that's safe to eat. Which option to I pick? Do I lean in hard on the ""but it's tradition"" excuse and bring it? If so, where is the line where I can say it was made ""just to continue the tradition"" vs 'I brought a back up meal"" For argument's sake 12 people over 16 plus 3 under 5. &#x200B; Help? Good idea? Bad idea? Don't do it? &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B;",,15,IWTTYAS,2023-12-23 00:49:08 RedPillWives,18n9pkk,"Stay at home wives, what do you wear in winter that is comfortable yet feminine?","I am at a loss. We moved somewhere really cold this year and I'm having trouble dressing like I used to enjoy. Because it's cold all I want to wear is yoga pants and sweatshirts around the house. I'm not against pants but I really need to switch it up some because I have been feeling terrible about my style lately So what are y'all wearing that is both comfortable, attractive, feminine, and warm? Especially if you can recommend me some links to dresses etcs I know a good combo is a maxi dress+ sweater but I'm having trouble finding any ones I like online. 😢",,22,Easywintergardening,2023-12-21 00:27:57 RedPillWives,18jeds9,That Stepford Gal Gets Married: Microwedding Style!,"Greetings ladies, I cannot begin to even express my absolute excitement knowing that by January (last week), ***I'm going to be married and a Mrs.!*** I know some of you had seen my earlier story and so the last few weeks had been spent running about getting this wedding sorted and rolling. I write this to update you all, as well as kindly ask for any tips/advice as I've never really planned a wedding before? We both want a small, quick wedding that is still intimate and special, with inner family - this is because we're both quite introverted and generally are more excited about married life than a wedding itself. Also, we're saving for a house and hoping for a baby soon. As long as it's in a church and has everyone we really care about, it's wonderful. Some basics: \- **Guests**: We have 60 guests, mostly his family as he has more and 10 from mine \- **Church**: We're getting married in a Catholic Church as I am Catholic, and the liturgy and vows are all done! \- **Invites**: Everyone knows, invites had been done and soon to be given to guests, liturgy booklets coming \- **Hair**: Hair appointment has been set \- **Rings**: Rings bought already &#x200B; Things I'm still chasing up: \- **Dress shopping**: Goodness I'm struggling to Google bridal shops that hire and not just buy! \- **Makeup**: My hair lady still needs to refer me to someone! \- **Photographer/Videographer**: She says she is free, but is taking ages to reply/confirm anything \- **Lunch**: No reception, just somewhere decent we can seat everyone for a meal after the ceremony, then we all go home &#x200B; Thank you for any advice, I'm just simply happy to share this all with you - I'm so looking forward to becoming a loving, caring wife and to a family life together...",,6,ThatStepfordGal,2023-12-16 00:14:00 RedPillWives,17y2lfi,I am back. Everything I learned.,"Greetings everyone! I know there's been many changes and updates since the last time I was so involved about 5 years ago, but if anyone here remembers [the series and little things I've written](https://thatstepfordgal.wordpress.com/about/) \- hi and I'm back! I've been lurking around all these years so I never really was gone, but I hesitated to share and write anything, because so many things were happening to me at that time. I became known those years ago, writing about relationships and traditional dynamics, all the way up until 2020. I was embarrassed. Around 2018, I had broken up from my ex at the time, it was mutual and stemmed from many issues that had grown in the relationship - mainly related to his family and lacking boundaries that we both admit had taken its toll. I didn't feel that I was in any way ready to speak about relationships and what I wrote about. I believed in the same things - and still do - but struggled to be a testament to it in my own life. So I stopped. I read and listened here but did not write. While I have no negative feelings towards my ex, it set me into a direction where I would be single for a while. In that whole time up to now, I grew in so many ways, I moved out from home (but still lived small and dedicated myself to homemaking, not working full-time), travelled a bit and lived by myself too until I met...my current fiancé. Yes, I chose to start now at this specific time, I wanted to be able to write this in confidence, about all the things I learnt these years - adding even more to all the values I held and shared here at RPW... ***Lessons Learned*** 1. **Be harsher in your dating.** I cannot stress this enough but in 5 years, many dates and guys I have met - this world is getting more difficult than ever in fostering good men who have traditional values and really care for their girlfriends/wives. Do not tolerate anyone who isn't generous and thoughtful, lacks initiative in any way and is unclear about what they want in relationships. I'm not saying just choose someone who will 'give it to you straight' as some crazier guys who are traumatised can be too blunt about that and have no social awareness. I'm saying watch everything that he does and the intention behind it. Does he look to split the bill the second date because it's your turn? Bye. Does he not reply in a timely way and doesn't think about the way that can come across? Bye. Does he say negative things about kids and families? Bye. I don't want to be discouraging but I was already strong in my standards and beliefs AND it still took a while. There are too many women who are too relaxed about it and waste even more time, dragging yucky, low-value relationships longer. You are seeing the best someone can show you at the start, and if it's not that great - and not thoughtful as in they're considerate about you and want to know you - next. 'Just give him another chance' is a terrible excuse 99% of the time. 2. **Get therapy asap.** I was so lucky to have a close friend who shared a similar background to me, recommend a therapist who at the start already connected amazingly with me. Understood my background, values and could see the way I think well. I underwent Behavioural Cognitive Therapy. This specific therapy helps you understand how you think and how you can sometimes give yourself more stress and torment when you think in ways that are too limiting and based around trauma. Though I didn't have anything too major going on when I first started, it's still a great idea because it helped me improve my mindsets to create a more stress-free life, it could resolve things that always bothered me every now and then in my childhood and taught me to set boundaries. Additional it also ignited an interest in psychology - I started learning how to handle conflicts better, different relationship approaches and be a better listener - all great skills if you want to be a great girlfriend/wife/mother to your Captain 3. **Understand and then embody** ***Grace.*** What is grace, what the heck am I talking about? As those who would have read my initial series and writings, you can easily get a sense I am quite opinionated and strong in my beliefs. I am traditional but you can almost see in my tone I am quite blunt and masculine in those ways - combined that with a hostile dating scene and you have the recipe for defensiveness and bitterness. At some stage I was actually considering stopping, thinking maybe this isn't the direction for me and becoming a real nun! Grace is what changed me. I would define **Grace as a feminine embodiment that allows you to be in the moment, to not assert what you want to voice but instead be more receptive and see what reveals itself to you instead**. It's hard to describe, but does it make any sense? It's resting in your self, accepting your womanhood and simply watching how everyone interacts with you - not feeling like you need to give any 'impression', as feminism teaches you to look aggressive and 'strong'. To me, it was learning to keep silent when there were gaps in conversation in dates, smiling more and asking questions as a better listener. Truly allowing him to suggest ideas and lead you along for the ride. Being grateful and thankful but also rejecting kindly when something doesn't feel right. Sometimes it also manifests in how you move, not rushing to get anywhere, not using a loud voice and letting chances where you need help come up...but not rushing to assist yourself when he can do it for you (ie. crossing the road and he leads you, walking at night, etc). Grace is difficult to embody when you're not used to it, but it sets you at ease and inspires a good man to be even better - then he becomes so proud in himself that he is a great man to you! It's been a crazy ride in all these years and I'm happy to say I will be sharing again. I'm so excited! In the last year I met someone truly special, who is an independent thinker in his right, absolutely kind and protective - he values his family and inner circle, which is small. He is also such a thoughtful person who takes responsibility in all that he does. He loves in all that he is. It started at this time last year, a few dates in and we simply knew. I lived alone then and in some months we came together. He respected how I lived my life and even appreciated it more, since in his family it was common too, women looked after the home more in general while the men had bigger careers. In that sense, we began life together sharing a roof, he works full-time while I'm about 0.6-7 and I look after everything at home. Especially him when he's quite tired from his demanding job. Thus we have a warm, nurturing space and now some months into living together - he asked the question! At this age and stage, we both know we'd like to spend life together and what we'd like to grow and bring about in that life. So - nuptial plans are going to be incoming! I am so incredibly happy to say, we're now also trying for our first baby. RPW, thank you for being there this whole time, even if you felt I wasn't around, I was. Being a great space for women to feel understood, heard and to learn, so they can have enriched, fulfilling lives - I know it took me a bit and I'm sorry about that, but count me in again. There's sooo many things I'd like to write about again (maybe relationship values? homemaking tips? life experiences?), I want to share and support everyone here! You'll be hearing more from me soon... &#x200B;",,25,ThatStepfordGal,2023-11-18 09:11:24 RedPillWives,17xuwas,"Red Pill Wives, are you still there? Check in!",Pretty much the title. Don't make me feel all alone. 😥,,26,RedditVirgin555,2023-11-18 01:27:10 RedPillWives,16zs1gw,Seeking words of encouragement,"Here lately I don’t know what is into me… I am usually always the type of woman who loves my husband, loves serving him, loves tending to our children and loves making a home. However recently I’ve been so bitter and angry. I feel inconvenienced by my children, I’ve been holding onto little irritations I have with my husband, and I’ve been looking at my wife and motherhood duties as like a maid servant and misery more than a joy. I think part of me just looks at the women around me and I’m the only one who stays home and they all treat me like I’m a victim, like it’s so sad to be doing what I do. (These aren’t friends but rather family and in-laws) And I think over time it’s gotten to me. I think the issue is inside somewhere I worry im missing out and that im doing all of this for nothing but I miss enjoying what I do because I believe it’s important. Any advice or encouragement would be so appreciated.",,18,Bubbly_General_6100,2023-10-04 16:40:09 RedPillWives,16yjyox,Where can I find a husband like this?,"Is there a certain dating site where these types of men congregate? I'm a divorced 30f (I did have biblical grounds, no I was not at fault). I would really love to be a SAHW or SAHM to a man who is actually faithful and I don't mind being submissive so long as I am treated with basic respect. I'm fine with letting him generally call the shots. I'm new here so please be kind! Thanks!",,30,the_catmom,2023-10-03 05:56:39 RedPillWives,16g3bim,Total win during the weekend,"Yesterday we had a company BBQ hosted at our house. My husband runs a small GC company so it was a total of 5 employees (we have more but many couldn’t make it as it was a last minute event) with their wives and kids. I spent the entire day cleaning, prepping, cooking and hosting the BBQ. All of my food was a complete hit. I had nothing leftover and even the wives were asking me to send them the recipes. I made sure I was attentive and receptive to people’s needs; refilled drinks, cleared the table when they were done with a dish, brought out Turkish coffee, handed out dessert. I was exhausted but it was worth the effort. My husband is a “red-pill” man without the “red-pill”. He organically came to some of the ideas on his own and implemented it into his life. And one of the things I remember him telling me is that men care a lot of about status. A man’s wife is a direct representation of that. And last night he told he always knew he was lucky for having me as his wife and now he’s glad everyone saw it, too. Thank you, ladies. This group has helped me a lot in my relationship. Long time lurker turned poster. Keep safe and wish you all the best!",,42,KaptynEllie,2023-09-11 18:38:57 RedPillWives,16eifbq,My husband and I are on different baby timelines.,"I hope this is an ok question to ask here. I’m newer to this page and appreciate any advice! Just some details. I (30) have been with my husband (31) for 6+ years. We got married in February. Everything is perfect, we’ve got married, bought our first house, saving so much and just enjoying the ‘simple life’. But, my biological clock is ticking and being a mom has always been my life’s desire. We are going on our honeymoon in January ‘24 and we’ve agreed that we don’t want me to be pregnant on the honeymoon. (I’m totally behind this!) So since we got married and have started to actively talk about babies, I really got in my head that I’ll get pregnant in ‘24, post honeymoon. I’ll admit, I got in over my head and got too excited. I’ve looked at nursery furniture, we’ve talked names, I’ve cleaned and donated so much to get organized. I feel like I’m already nesting and I’m just so ready to grow our family. (And I think we’re ready) So tonight I brought up lightly that I will be ovulating on our honeymoon and that we’ll either need to take precautions or….leave it up to fate. And he basically said that we have to sort out our career concerns first. (Long story short, I own a company that could have an impact on our future finances and life flexibility.) I know that timeline wise this career concern will be solved in February of ‘25. But, ladies, I cannot imagine waiting until 2025 to start trying. I’ve kept my mouth shut and I understand his concerns (and I agree they’re valid), but I truly don’t know how to patiently wait another year longer then originally planned or help him understand that biologically a year makes a big difference when you’re 30.",,14,[deleted],2023-09-09 22:10:39 RedPillWives,16b9c42,Should I ask for flowers or wait?,"Hi so I (f23) got into a relationship recently with a guy - hes my age basically we’re born the same year. I really like him and when we’re out he will get me food or something cute i see :) There was one time at the grocery where he made a joke about how he spends alot on me but usually he doesnt complain. He did say hes gonna save for his own place as he lives with his sister at the moment. Anyways its why ive felt bad at the thought of asking him for flowers, our one month anniversary (which im not sure if he knows) is coming up but we are long distance right now and idk i keep craving flowers from him? It just makes me sad that hes not gotten them yet he knows my favourite ones but maybe he’s waiting for a special occasion idk. Should i communicate or just wait? I dont want to keep feeling sad or weird bc of this edit - i have told him and pointed out cute flowers that i like :’))) Update - asked more clearly, i think it was positive 💕",,1,onogomo,2023-09-06 03:27:15 RedPillWives,16a8k06,About to have our 7th child.,"My due date was Friday and I’m so miserable. :( Send positive vibes while I wait to go into labor. Praying for a safe delivery for me and baby.",,22,foxymama98_,2023-09-05 00:03:54 RedPillWives,15zadg0,Can definetly recommend listening to some tunes to make cleaning less boring :) Nature Ambience does it for me (to counter the stress),,https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0Q84EeYgQ2hWgnxF7luDuv,12,TheTownJeweler,2023-08-23 17:23:16 RedPillWives,15i3kli,What would the “Surrendered Wife” approach be to husband’s excessive porn use?,"I read Doyle early on in our marriage (we’re 28F and 47M) and was so excited to be in that kind of marriage. I’m a SAHM and we have 2 babies under 2. I do 100% of the cooking and cleaning. He spoils me financially and in our lives, always picking up projects to make me happy and make my dreams come true. He’s extremely affectionate and compliments me often, loves to cuddle and spend time together. From the time I got pregnant with my first, sex has been an issue. I just never felt desired and would be frequently turned down. He’s loving and treats me like his queen in most ways, except in the bedroom. I could walk into the room naked and he wouldn’t even glance up. He doesn’t try to remove my clothes during sex and has almost never touched my breasts/genitals/butt etc in a way indicating that he’s attracted to me. I’ve surprised him with his favorite fantasy roleplay costumes, I’ve offered him head EVERY morning, I’ve done romantic bubble bath massage things and he just goes to sleep, I’ve tried texting nudes.. If you name it I’ve tried it. Basically the only times he’s been excited about sex has been trying to conceive. I swallowed this because he always said it was stress, work, aging, tired, busy, depressed, something different every time. I thought maybe it was age and didn’t want to be the younger partner blaming him. Then I found the porn. And I scrolled back and it all made sense. Almost every day going back months and years he’s been watching porn and I had no idea. Watching while I slept, while I took care of the babies, while he was supposedly working in his home office. Watching extremely skinny and perfect girls. Watching girls who look younger than me and like they’ve never had babies. I was fucking crushed and we fought for months. I read a ton about porn addiction and sent him all the studies. I begged him to cool it. I told him I would be available and enthusiastic any time possible, I would focus all my efforts on weight loss and fitness, get whatever hairstyle or a tummy tuck or boob job or whatever it is he needs to want me instead but it WILL NOT WORK if he’s desensitizing his brain with infinite novelty every day. I told him I will do my part but he has to do his. We had a few false starts where he talked about stopping but didn’t explicitly promise and I’d find he never stopped, and he’d weasel out of it - say he didn’t realize I wanted him to, or he just forgot and clicked on it out of habit without realizing it or didn’t think it counted if he was just using it to get to sleep while he was on a business trip and I wasn’t there anyway, or he just watched it to get ideas of things to try with me and wasn’t getting turned on by it, etc. So I finally cornered him and got it explicitly in writing - no porn for 1 month, whatsoever, while we work on our sex life. He promised, in writing. I checked today and looks like he made it 7 days before caving. I didn’t tell him I knew, just asked how the no porn was going and he said great. Btw, he’s making an effort with flowers and compliments but in terms of feeling him want me, the sex has not improved. Clearly my attempts are failing. I don’t want to be the porn police or try to control him. I want to go back to the beginning and win him over softly. I’ve tried SHOWERING him in affection, pampering him, being super fun and getting us out doing things, offering as much new and exciting sex as I can fit into our day utilizing babysitters and sleep training and screen time, but it doesn’t seem to be working. For instance, when he told me he was into the anime cosplay look I surprised him dressed up that way and even watched the specific videos he had watched even though it was painful so I could try to do the expressions/sounds etc he likes - literally with a 1 year old and 2 month old I made time to shave, moisturize, self tan, dress up, do makeup and hair, get everyone to nap at the same time — what ended up happening was that he didn’t finish, and hours later was on the ipad watching anime cosplay porn. Like wtf. Following his lead here scares me so badly but taking charge doesn’t seem to be working either. I vetted him well and read Fascinating Womanhood and Surrendered Wife and Empowered Wife all early and I just don’t know where to go from here.",,17,[deleted],2023-08-04 15:46:10 RedPillWives,15gsrxl,reconsidering professional school,"hi, ive (23f) been thinking about this alot like a year off of school, i finished my first year of law school and i know i should be grateful to be here in a canadian school where its competitive to even get in 💜 its just in first year like many i felt very lost and sometimes isolated bc of some competitive/alienating peers and honestly the workload was a lot that i could only barely get used to if at all. i also have some mental health stuff that flared up but honestly i think 2nd yr is more chill and it flares up living at home wit parents sometimes anyways also i dont feel that the lawyer identity rly suits my personality but i do like helping people and know that its a versatile field! my worry is the debt, how would i handle a family or something or what if i wanted to stay home then what? i do think my hometown is the best for dating, not my school town - but honestly ive been healing and seeing results :) (emotionally unavailable parents and some scarring from covid times..) maybe it would be worth it? i just like i feel like theres something to look forward to with school but also i will miss my coworkers from my summer job which im ending early for school. i think they are more likeminded although muchh more soft. obviously i have a bit of agression in me to be in this field but idk should i stay for dating sake and also a break from school or should i just dive into more debt (not a crazy amount but substantial) ? i do have friends at law school but it can be a weird environment, although it is getting better! thoughts?? i get scared of those posts kinda shaming higher educated girls im like what 😭 i dont want it to define me and i dont want to be seen as like this rich girl powrr couple thing idk, i feel like im soft on the inside yknow",,2,onogomo,2023-08-03 03:27:32 RedPillWives,15gavva,WWYD: SAHM vs Nice Home,"Summary My partner is earning triple my wage atm (own business) I am on maternity for a year in the UK. Currently have a 3 month old My work is 2 days WFH 3 days travelling 1.5hrs each way into London We live 30m drive from parents, 1.5hrs by public transport (his parents dont drive) We have a mini tesco at the end of our road, park for the dog, two nice pubs within 2 mins walking distance Its a 5m drive to the highstreet we hardly go to which has 4 restraunts like pizza express, 3 supermarkets, hair dressers, costa, post office Our current house - we feel like we can't do much as we need to drive far to do anything - 3 bedroom (2 small double rooms and box room as an office) - Small alcove closet for our clothes - My old triple wardrobe and chest of draws in our sons so we have more room for clothes as the closet has limited space. - Kitchen is small and its got awkward cupboards etc. - No space to utilise dining table. Currently used as extra sideboard space - Eat off a coffee table in front room. Will have to try use dining table when son is older - Living room is okay... small L shaped sofa with coffee table infront. Chest of draws one side of room, displqy cabinet the other and tv on opposite side. We can fit babys play mat in middle thats it - Garden is decent. Got room for outdoor sofa and extra grass space for dog run for 2 seconds to get to other side aha - downstairs toilet cubical - Upstairs bathroom with bath and shower but its very tight - Very limited storage We both would LOVE a more functional house but would also love me being a SAHM which will be easier if we stay here until hes at least 3 maybe But perks of moving - closer to parents (ie. 10m or less) - Closer to London (1hr public transport) which means easier for work and going to places for days out - Bigger house (storage places, better kitchen space, actually have the chance to use a dining table, maybe more space for baby to play - Will be in the right attachment area for school and can apply early - Will be 10m or less to local hospital vs currently 30m Its a lot to weigh up but we want to decide by March next year as we have 2 years on our fixed mortgage rate. After that it might increase dramatically and we want a slightly bigger loan on this current rate So WWYD? [View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/15gavva)",,3,Funny_Garage3895,2023-08-02 14:48:59 RedPillWives,15g1z6e,Therapist in the Way?,"Hi all, I have been a member of this forum for a few months now. I discovered Laura Doyle after I found out that my husband had been cheating on me and told me ‘I had not met his physical and emotional needs, so he became emotionally available to another woman’. I told him I wanted to work on the marriage, he told me he was too hurt and resentful so I asked him to leave the house. We’ve been separated now for almost 3 months. In that time, I’ve been practicing the intimacy skills. Self-care has been a life saver. I have been kind, patient and please-able. I definitely feel improvement in how we communicate. However, there has always been a huge barrier up with him and I have finally discovered what it is. He has been seeing the same therapist for almost 2 years now. Every time he sees this therapist, his whole personality changes. He repeats words and phrases he never usually uses. He accuses me of doing and saying things that are manipulative and controlling. I have since learnt that this therapist has a reputation for turning men on their wives and a number of his other clients are also recently separated from their ‘manipulative’ wives. So I really feel like it’s me and Laura Doyle versus this therapist! Do I double down on the skills or look into this therapist more? I worry that I don’t have a chance, even with the skills working so well, while this therapist is still turning my husband against me. Any help, advice or anyone in remotely the same situation please reach out. Feeling very discouraged at times, although I know the husband I love is still in there somewhere! Thank you ♥️",,5,LetAdventurous6007,2023-08-02 07:25:06 RedPillWives,15aho8v,Meal Box Services are Improving my Relationships,"Over the past few months, I've been trying various meal box delivery services (the ones where you pick your recipes and they deliver you the ingredients to cook yourself). It's been a multi-faceted improvement to my life so I thought I would share my experience: ###Financial: These programs are stupid expensive, typically ranging from $7-$10 a serving in my area. As the cook in our household and the one who's tracking the expenses, I'm not interested if I can't match grocery stores prices. Luckily, a lot of these programs run huge discounts when you first sign up. You can cancel once your first order ships fairly easily. Afterwards, these programs regularly email me and mail me discounts to come back. My personal price point for purchase is around $2 a serving. Otherwise, I go about my normal meal planning. I don't upgrade or do premium meals, but most have a decent basic selection. The default meat you get at this level is chicken breast, sausage, pork chops, or ground beef. My husband loves when I get a good deal! Frugality is really important to him and it makes him feel appreciated when I can keep our food costs down. ###Social: A lot of these boxes come with a ""free box for newcomers"" coupon that you can give to friends and family. Then when their box comes, it often has another free coupon inside! I share with two other women, and it's been fun to talk about what companies and recipes we've liked. Anything that gives me a reason to hang out with the people I love and share tips on saving money is a win. Note on the free boxes: You can also sometimes trick the system into thinking you're a new sign-up, provided you use a new email and modifying your address (changing drive to dr.) ###Personal enjoyment: The food is enjoyable and about as complex as what I normally make. Typically takes 30-60 minutes and uses the stove/oven. It's nice to be able to skip meal planning from time to time (does this count as self-care?). When I have leftovers, I like to freeze them for my husband to have for lunch another day. He really enjoys these lunches, as I normally am too swamped with the kids to cook much at lunchtime. The meals are fairly healthy so it boosts his mood and energy. I know this is a bit off topic! Thought I would share in case there are any other women out with similar values who would benefit from this information. It helps my household run a bit smoother and makes the people in my life a little happier.",,12,ArkNemesis00,2023-07-26 21:01:39 RedPillWives,1599gyj,Wish I just didn’t have to work so dang hard in my marriage,"The last 2 weeks have been really hard. My husband doesn’t think so and let me know last night that I was being dramatic about it. Here’s my last couple of weeks: - Neighbor called the police on us about us getting rid of a yellow jacket nest. While the officer was very helpful and kind (and gave me good advice about dealing with a terrible neighbor) it was still stressful. My neighbor is stressful. She stands outside “praying” that God will smite us. - I was sick with a cold and then a stomach virus. - My mom fell and hit her head. The fall was a result of her blood pressure and then realized at the hospital she was experiencing heart rhythm issues. She stayed overnight in the hospital. - The day after getting home from the hospital my mom came down with a stomach virus (that I ended up catching from her). This caused dehydration so back to the hospital where she was admitted again this time for 4 days. - My period has been weird. Last month I was like 10 days early. I had no idea when it was starting. I started 2 days ago but leading up to it was major PMS symptoms. - We have 4 kids and life at home didn’t stop even though I was still working and taking care of my mom. - I had a continuing education class I had scheduled months ago for this past weekend. It was long. By the end (even though I loved the class) I just was at the end of my rope. Yesterday was going to be my first “day off”. Then I had to take my mom to an appointment with her oncologist. It was important I go because there was a discussion on her continuing with her medications since it’s obviously seriously affecting her health. So no “day off” for me. Oh and yesterday was my birthday. I didn’t do a whole lot after my mom’s appointment. I played a video game for a little while because it’s the last day it would be available unless I purchased it (which I didn’t want to do). My husband called and asked what we were doing for dinner. I said I guess I am making dinner. I was fried yesterday. I made dinner and asked the kids to help. They were being argumentative about it. I didn’t want it to be some big thing and I had zero bandwidth left to handle it. So I went upstairs to wait until the timer for dinner went off. My husband came home he didn’t say anything to me when I asked how his day was. So I let it be. At dinner the table was a mess. Kids start bickering over who has to clean. My husband starts getting involved and arguing with them over who needs to clean it. I just went upstairs. I didn’t get angry I just couldn’t handle it anymore. My kids wanted to go out for ice cream. However the entire day they kept pestering me and asking if we were going. My initial response was, “I don’t know what dad has planned so I’m not deciding without talking to him”. Finally after 5-6 times of being asked I said if they continued asking my answer would just be no. They stopped asking. For a while. So I said “okay my answer is now no to ice cream”. So then my husband got upset because he was going to take us all out for my birthday (I didn’t want to go out for ice cream so I don’t see why he is the one upset by not going). Through all of this I was just quiet. I wasn’t even angry. Just… done. I wasn’t upset about not doing anything special for my birthday. I wasn’t upset about my husband being withdrawn (he’s had to handle all the other things while I’ve been busy with all my things). But he was angry with me for being tired. “Life is hard for everyone and I should just deal with it and get over it.” He wanted to do something for my birthday and I ruined it by going upstairs. He said I should have had the table clean for him when he got home from work and how dare I be playing a video game that close to dinner when I should have been taking care of the house and making the kids clean. So I’m at the park daydreaming about someone that wouldn’t be this hard to make happy. And perhaps love me even though I am broken and have adhd so things are messy sometimes. Sorry that’s this is so long. Thank to anyone getting to the end of it.",,21,anothergoodbook,2023-07-25 14:04:04 RedPillWives,157uv1t,Awkward sex question,"This is a little embarrassing, but hopefully y’all can help me out here. My husband (29M) and I(19f) are newlyweds. We’re Christian so i waited until marriage to give myself to my husband. I was excited to finally have sex for the first time, but I’ve been really struggling with his size. I’m not sure exactly how big he is down there, but to give you some idea I’m 5’3” and he’s 6’4” and very large down there. Our wedding night was very painful and I was almost too tight for him to enter me. After a lot of frustration on his part, and a few tears on my part, he was able to enter me fully. eventually he did finish, but I was really sore afterwards. I thought maybe this was a normal experience for my first time and hoped it would get easier the more we did it an assumed I would loosen up a little after a few times, but that hasn’t been the case. I want to keep my husband happy and satisfied, but am struggling with his size. Any tricks to make sex easier on a very sore newlywed or do I need to just get used to it? I want to keep my husband happy and satisfied and we’re trying to get pregnant, but I’m really struggling to be joyful about it when it hurts.",,7,NicolaBaileyy,2023-07-24 00:16:24 RedPillWives,15416b0,7 Tips to Retain a Loving Relationship with Small Children," 1. Build Good Will Our partner is our greatest resource when pregnant or taking care of small children. The best way to get what you want is to see that your partner is looked after, then ask them directly for whatever it is you need. The simplest way to build good will is to appreciate anything and everything they do. Hell, if they appreciate you for something, you can thank them for noticing. We all want our partner to notice our efforts, no matter how small. And for many of us, knowing we'll be rewarded with praise is additional motivation to take on a new task. 2. Ask Him to Assist You, Not the Baby Caregiving is a skill, and like most skills, it feels easy and obvious when you know how to do it and daunting when you don't. Your partner *will* get comfortable with small children, but if you're the primary caregiver, you will gain experience and confidence significantly faster. Watching him fumble in crucial moments when you're at your wits end is a recipe for disaster. Ask him to help get **you** whatever **you** need, and let him build baby skills when times are good and you have the patience to walk him through it. Things will go more smoothly if he can get you that cup of coffee, as opposed to him watching the baby while you grab the caffeine. Note: for times this isn't applicable, like when you need a shower, walks with a baby carrier are fairly fool proof. 3. Give Choices When Requesting Help It's mutually enjoyable when I lay out what needs to be done and ask my husband to choose who does what. Asking questions like ""do you want to wrangle Thing 1 or Thing 2?"" lets us get on the same page without me feeling like I'm giving an order. Choices work the best when they seem ""real"", as in, they take roughly the same amount of time and effort to accomplish. Asking if he'd rather get you a glass or water or retile the roof can seem more like an attempt at manipulation than a genuine request for help. 4. Be Careful When Saying You Need More Having small children can be extremely time-consuming and draining. However, it's important to remember that there's a substantial difference between saying you need more, and saying he needs to do more. I've told my husband before that when I need help, I wish I didn't have to ask him because I know how hard he works. Both of us can feel like we're putting in a ton of effort, and everything still isn't getting done. To inspire that extra burst of energy in both of you, make sure your tone isn't accusatory. You want to nurture the feeling that the two of you are on the same team. He's far more likely to help if he can be the hero dad lifting up the family, than the loser dad who needs to step up. 5. Spent Your Time and Energy Wisely Every relationship needs effort. Due to how labor-intensive kids can be, you'll likely reduce the romantic gestures you do for your husband. Prioritize what has the greatest effect on his happiness for less effort. Consider his love languages and his favorite things you've done for him in the past. What do you have the energy for now? Planning a spontaneous, romantic weekend might be out of the question, but taking a few minutes to add one or two of his favorite treats to the shopping list can go a long way. 6. Intimate Touch is a Must There will be times when sex is off the table. Even for the smoothest of pregnancies, PIV will be advised against post birth until your OBGYN gives you the okay (and please be mindful if you break the six week guideline, as this is a period of hyper-fertility). I highly, highly encourage things like flirty touches, casual nudity, and intimacy outside of PIV sex. Something as simple as taking a few minutes to rub his back as he falls asleep at night can really help your partner feel cared for! My personal experience is that my husband's touch was an incredibly help to my self-esteem and happiness throughout the process. I can't overstate how worthwhile an investment I found this to be. 7. Dad's Night Off Something I've found really interesting is seeing how many parents fantisize about divorce simply because in a joint custody arrangement, they could get time to themselves where they weren't expected to care for the kids. It's so powerful to give your partner time to do whatever it is they want, without having to feel guilty. Once a week, my husband gets off work and has the rest of the night completely to himself. Adding a couple more hours as the solo parent to my plate doesn't cost me nearly as much as those few free hours give him. And getting to be around someone who's happy and appreciative afterwards is really, really pleasant. Anecdote: I didn't find negotiating personal time to be effective initially. When I first tried this approach, it seemed like my husband dreaded ""mommy time"" more than he enjoyed ""daddy time."" I became frustrated. We argued. When I dropped that idea and gave ""daddy time"" freely and happily, that worked better for us. Then, after a couple months or so, we had a discussion about ""mommy time"" and it went very well. We realized we could sandwich some in over his lunch hour, which worked better for both of us. I believe building up that good will mentioned in tip #1 culminated in us having more energy to work towards a better solution. And once he became comfortable handling ""mommy time"" on his own terms, it opened the door for us to trade free time. I still like to give him his own time unprompted, but it's nice to know I can now effectively get a break when I need one.",,21,ArkNemesis00,2023-07-19 17:22:07 RedPillWives,1526ggy,Cotton or cotton blend housedresses for chores,Looking to get a stash of cute but functional and inexpensive house dresses for wearing during the day that wash well. I plan on wearing them with an apron. The search term housedress only returns nightgown-like muumuus. Any recommendations?,,9,[deleted],2023-07-17 16:19:20 RedPillWives,150zfxs,Snickering at Daughter's Words,"Our 3-year old isn't (technically) ours, biologically she's my sister-in-law's. We do raise her as our own daughter and do our best to ignore SILs microaggressions. My husband's very emotionally tough. From what I know of the family's circumstances growing up, he had to be. He set up a tent in the daughter's room and we slept there during the July 4 fireworks as they are launched close by and seem to have frightened her. Between fireworks exploding, husband asked the daughter what we meant to her as (surrogate) parents. Conversation below (N is our daughter, H is my husband): N: Mommy, mommy, I'm scared. H: To the tent! LiteratureOk7716: Be right there. N: Yay! Tent-time! Hubby and N are in the tent. She's laying with her head on his lap and her legs are outside the open zipper. I enter the tent as well, hold Ns hand, tell her how much I love her, etc. N: You know, mommy, I only love daddy, because without him, you wouldn't be in my life and that would upset me. H: Fair, so my only contribution to you is my wife, N? N: No, you got me this tent. H: So, ok, my contribution to you is my wife and this tent? N: Yes, LiteratureOk7716 is the prettiest girl in the whole universe and having her in this tent makes me happy. I don't know where N got the idea that I'm pretty, much less ""the prettiest girl in the whole universe"" (probably hubby).",,7,LiteratureOk7716,2023-07-16 07:10:07 RedPillWives,14xcvmx,Household screen rules???,Uhg. I know this is off topic but I am hoping to get opinions and ideas from like minded people. We need so screen boundaries in our house. Our kids (ages 6-10) are reaching for devices and screens constantly and I can’t blame them because so are my husband and I! Do you have boundaries for yourself when it comes to screen use? How do you set yourself up for success with this? Seriously considering just locking them all in a lock box at this point!,,2,kze21,2023-07-12 03:39:12 RedPillWives,14vguen,Looking for advice on managing taking offense.,"Base info: How old are you? 39, husband is also 39 Relationship status - married almost 14 years, together 20 (not long distance) Active bedroom life - yes, could be more active but I am always available and we have hit what seems to be a good balance for us. What I’m here seeking advice on: What is the problem? I need advice on how to take criticism without being reactive. Or maybe I need advice on how to remember not to read emotion into things that weren’t presented in an emotional way. This may not be exactly it but let me explain- We just had a discussion about something trivial in the grand scheme of life but because it was my husband questioning the usefulness of an admittedly unproductive hobby of mine it turned into a prolonged and emotionally charged debate because while I have what I think are valid reasons to enjoy what I enjoy, he made it clear he thinks very poorly of it and as a result I immediately got defensive and the whole thing snowballed. To me, the subject is something harmless that didn’t need to be brought up at all (it isn’t costing us undue money or taking away time from things that need to get done) but his concern is that if left unchecked it COULD cost more money than it should or take time away from doing more “worthwhile” things. (Without getting into specifics because it is silly, I will say it is on par with something like a phone game). But his argument is that he should be able to bring up anything regardless of if it is necessary because our relationship is strong enough to handle it. I agree with him on that point (and even on the pointlessness of the activity we were discussing) but it didn’t stop my feelings from being hurt because he was being critical of something I enjoy which in the moment translated (in my mind) to being critical of ME even if that wasn’t how it was intended. I know to some degree that why this has been a hard aspect of surrendering for me to shake is because I grew up in an overly critical and emotionally charged household where the only way to be heard was to fight back. But I’m looking for some refresher or new advice on how to disengage from these kinds of discussions so that neither of us says something disrespectful or hurtful when it absolutely isn’t warranted. My gut instinct was that just because we CAN say anything to each other doesn’t mean we NEED to and he immediately asked “but how do I know what things not to say? Like how would I know ahead of time what things will hurt your feelings and I should just bite my tongue on?” I asked him for time to sort it out, and upon further reflection I’ve found myself here, because I realized I just asked him to blindly walk a minefield and there’s no way I can expect that of him. Obviously I can’t ask him to read my mind, so that means this is my problem to solve, I’m just not sure how to go about it. This has been ongoing for years in our relationship, and Ive always tried to ask him to just know, or to keep it in, and I realize now that’s the wrong approach. I think that sums it all up, I just need some clarity. I feel like this may have been addressed in some of my past reading but obviously I’m failing to recall what to do to have my emotional needs addressed/acknowledged and avoid being disrespectful out of reactivity. I want him to be able to talk to me when something is bothering him without worrying there will be emotional fallout, because I’d like to learn to not emotionally fall out over simple things that probably don’t warrant it. I hope that makes sense and that someone might have some advice to share. Thank you in advance! (And thank you for reading this whole mess)",,4,cathatesrudy,2023-07-10 02:08:25 RedPillWives,14ui81u,20F New Homemaker Looking to Build a Sisterhood via WhatsApp !,"Hello all! I have noticed that I am severely lacking a feeling of sisterhood in my life. I have decided I want to do my best to actively change this, and to create some sort of sense of community for anyone interested in sharing their lives in a group chat. I would absolutely love to share about my experiences as a young homemaker in a fresh relationship. But aside from that stuff, we can definitely share other interests too! I have made a group on WhatsApp, which will serve as the host of this group. Message me if you’re interested in joining! :) I also wanna make it clear that I WILL be filtering the people joining. This is so the people in the group can truly feel safe and comfortable conversing. Quality over quantity is important in building friendships. If interested, please send me a chat with a little bit about you and what you’d like to gain from joining. I am open to ideas and feedback! I truly want this to be a great safe space for us ladies needing extra support and a sisterhood. :)",,13,[deleted],2023-07-08 23:03:31 RedPillWives,14oq311,What books could help a man and husband to grow?,"My husband and I, both in our 40s, have been together for 20+yrs and have 2 pre-teen kids. We’ve been through highs and lows and have successfully overcome some very challenging moments together. However over the last ca 5 years things have been going downhill. We fight most of the time, there’s no sex life and I’ve realized that I’m losing my respect for him. He doesn't know how to lead and I feel like he's not the right role model for the kids. Among other things, he has trouble with anger management within the family, has lost it several times, throwing and breaking things and scaring children tremendously. He feels sh*t afterwards, but doesn’t take responsibility and says it’s our behavior (generally mine sometimes the kids) that brought him to this reaction and he can’t do anything about it, as he can't change, but we should, implicitly because it's our fault. I’ve suggested and asked him to go to therapy several times, but he doesn’t believe in therapy and overall he doesn’t believe that he can change. I myself have been to therapy (for anxiety) over the last 4 years and feel that it has helped me a lot. I've improved myself overall, I’m fit and in shape, have a good job, a few hobbies and a good circle of friends. I’ve thought of separation several times, but given that we have two kids together I know that his behavior will still influence them, even if we separate. So I'd rather give it one more try and help him to become a better version of himself and a better role model for them. I know that he has a lot of inner work to do, but I’m willing to support him if he puts in the work. On the other hand he needs to be willing to do this, so I'm looking for something that would give him the right direction and motivate him to get started and I believe that books would work well for this with him. Are you aware of any books/resources for men (possibly non-RP) to get him started on a growth and self improvement journey?",,8,MrsUniversity7035,2023-07-02 14:46:00 RedPillWives,14jorac,I keep getting asked “why” with why I don’t want a full time job or career :(,"Hello lovely people! First time in this sub, happy to find you all. To get to the meat of the matter, I feel a bit disheartened. I’m living in the Seattle area and around career women or workhorses. Im cultivating my skills as a homemaker and a future housewife (just got engaged!) and we decided with a change of jobs that I only want to work part time in order to give my home and beloved more attention. I want to cook more, I want to know how to garden, I want to be feminine again after working 4 years relentlessly and dealing with so much. I am VERY happy that we can do this comfortably, but there are so many people now who are confused or even look offended at the choice I’ve made. Especially people at work. I mention that I’m only part time for one reason or another and they usually say, “Oh, do you have another job?” Or “do you go to school?” And I then have to explain that I am a home maker when I’m not here! But I’m shy and the words don’t come out right. How do I come off as classy when having to deal with this line of questioning? Taking care of hearth and home is its own rewarding job and I don’t want to diminish what I do. Help please! TL:DR what to I say to people who are confused about me wanting to be a homemaker, or judgmental that I down want to work more? ",,26,Lil_AmberSweet,2023-06-26 18:15:02 RedPillWives,149y5gi,Working on Self,"When I was younger, my (single, or probably should have been) mother always told me that when something went awry in my love life, it was invariably not my fault. I met my husband during our PhDs. Through him, I'm learning that time spent assigning fault is better spent solving whatever the issue is. Husband was diagnosed with a Asperger's Syndrome during his 20s -- he doesn't pick up on subtle, nonverbal language. It has since been folded into an autism diagnosis. I work in a hospital 20 miles from home, he on a 5 year, 100 percent remote contract at a Global 500 company. Shortly after I arrived at work, he texted me that ""I want to hug you"". My response was that, ""I can't stop thinking about you"". He went full-on autistic and said ""we see each other often, so it doesn't surprise me that I'm on your mind"". *sigh* Just when I thought he'd made a breakthrough...",,4,LiteratureOk7716,2023-06-15 09:47:11 RedPillWives,149epka,Advice on true masculinity,"Hi all, I am a student (girl, 19), and I am new to RedPillWives. I would like to ask a question. At the moment, I am not married. However, a lot of women arround me are married. They are married with very different types of man. Somethimes, this confuses me. I tried to talk about it for a few months now, but people go easily in defend-mode when you ask about this. What do you think true masculinity entails?",,5,Wandering_Around1,2023-06-14 18:07:18 RedPillWives,146jonn,Submitting to sex,"Hello, I am trying to be more submissive to my husband (married 13 yrs) to help strengthen our relationship. One area where i am struggling is with sex. I don’t really have much of a sex drive, have never orgasmed even masturbating, but I would agree to sex more than I do if he would just kind of take charge and I could participate but not lead. As of now we have sex 2x week and I just get so stressed trying to come up with an answer to “what do you feel like?” (I am not that creative!) and it feels uncomfortable for me kind of make something up- he wants me to be the kind of person who is like ooh I want to try this, or touch me here- etc. he’s always asking, did you get off? (I always try to deflect for that q- I will say that felt great, oh wow, that was amazing, etc.) What turns you on? Do you want this or that? What do you feel like tonight? He also likes to go down on me which I don’t like the feeling of but try to go along with sometimes. I will try to ask him what he is excited about but he flips it back to me. I just wish he could accept that I have a lower drive but am happy to be intimate but just struggle to put on an act. I feel like it would be very hurtful to be completely honest with him, but also I don’t know now how to be more adventurous or passionate. I know he wants sex a lot more and I just find myself saying no for the above reasons.",,18,DescriptionGlass1058,2023-06-11 03:49:59 RedPillWives,13rny5u,I think my wife is crushing on other men,"So we attended a friends wedding reception last week. I’d noticed her face turning red and blushing when the MC was singing. She’d commented her surprise of how good he was. He was a decently good looking and masculine man. I know she has a soft spot for people with a good singing voice - he had that and was also charismatic with his voice. We have four very young boys together. I’m 42 years old and she is 32. We’ve been married for 8 years with four boys. I felt uncomfortable as I’ve noticed her bodily reaction. I’m “redpilled” conditioned, so I’m quite sensitive to these indicators. At one time, she’d even twirled her her hair looking at the guy - to me this is an indicator she’s subconsciously flirty! The female nature is suspect and needs guidance. Help me out. What are your thoughts? I love her immensely. I’m averagely looking at best.",,0,SpinachFalse1784,2023-05-25 17:33:32 RedPillWives,134duak,"How to stop being mothering towards my husband ? (My problem, not his)","I posted about how to stop mothering my husband and it have been misunderstood, I meant, how can I stop to have this attitude with him, he didn't behave like this, that's just me.",,22,LillithSanguinum,2023-05-01 05:42:09 RedPillWives,12zkakz,How not to mother my husband?,,,16,LillithSanguinum,2023-04-26 15:07:14 RedPillWives,12y0b9b,What advice would you give her,,https://i.redd.it/ubbnktffiyva1.jpg,16,Specific_Sun67,2023-04-24 23:18:18 RedPillWives,12acugw,How to keep minor complaints to myself?,"Like most human beings, I (30F) suffer ailments from time to time. I have a pretty rough first day on my period, one or two migraines a month and I tend to doze off/get lethargic in the evening (after dinner and the kitchen is put to rest!) My husband (32M) is a loving and attentive partner and if ever I'm not feeling well he's always on hand with a hot water bottle or encourages me to go up to bed to get some rest. But lately I've noticed that I am quite vocal when it comes to these regular and ultimately manageable inconveniences. If I've got cramps I'll send him a text in the middle of the workday about it. I guess I just want to be acknowledged in that moment but what is he supposed to say? I'm not sure I'd know what to say if I got the same text asides from 'poor you!' over and over. In the moment though, I want to let him know how I'm feeling. But I'd rather save it for the end of the day when we're face to face. Or, push through and not have our conversations revolve around my constant state of being. Are there any strategies you use to deflect this sort of compulsion? Write it down somewhere? I'd rather not just tell a friend instead - same problem but different person I'm even less intimate with.",,20,TeddyPicker916_,2023-04-03 07:30:07 RedPillWives,120prbc,Curious to know what y'all think of Freud's theory on female psychology,,https://youtube.com/shorts/WR7J-Ee4ji8?feature=share,0,hopefulindiegamedev,2023-03-24 16:38:43 RedPillWives,11sbjzv,Posted this on r/ask women but Karma was too low! I really need an answer or conversation around this rant :(,,https://i.redd.it/x1lo4zr8t0oa1.jpg,43,Major_Following8268,2023-03-15 22:29:21 RedPillWives,11h6ow9,Post/Picture of gravestone from maybe 3 years ago “SHE WAS EVERYTHING A WIFE SHOULD BE”,Does anyone have this picture or a link to the post???,,9,merrygoesforever,2023-03-03 17:16:34 RedPillWives,11c0flq,New Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle Community,"Hi fellow RP Wives! A book that gets recommended frequently as excellent Red Pill Reading is ‘The Surrendered Wife’ (which has been immensely helpful in my marriage). So myself and another surrendered wife created a Reddit community for it r/surrendered_wife for women like most of us on this subreddit. If you’re interested in joining, we’d love to have you! I figured having more red pill wife communities is always a good thing!",,26,Ruffleafewfeathers,2023-02-26 00:25:30 RedPillWives,118xufm,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,10,blushingoleander,2023-02-22 13:01:11 RedPillWives,118xu1l,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,7,AutoModerator,2023-02-22 13:00:52 RedPillWives,1182vpm,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,6,AutoModerator,2023-02-21 13:00:45 RedPillWives,11762l5,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,5,AutoModerator,2023-02-20 13:01:14 RedPillWives,115kgx9,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,2,blushingoleander,2023-02-18 17:30:10 RedPillWives,115esrw,Shit Post Saturdays," Hello Ladies: Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,2,AutoModerator,2023-02-18 13:00:26 RedPillWives,114w23e,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! A few suggestions to get everyone started: * Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. * Dress a cut above normal for a week. * Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. &#x200B; *The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,11,AutoModerator,2023-02-17 20:00:42 RedPillWives,112xfxb,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,2,AutoModerator,2023-02-15 13:00:11 RedPillWives,112xgtk,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,1,blushingoleander,2023-02-15 13:01:09 RedPillWives,1124tcu,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,8,AutoModerator,2023-02-14 13:00:10 RedPillWives,111nhws,Infertility and further study,"Hi everyone, Just wanted your advice on my situation. I am 28yrs old, and got married almost 2 years ago and moved to a new town. My SO is 34 years old. I work from home 10 hours a week, and in the hospital for 8 hours, and am a homemaker the rest of the week. I've found it difficult to make new friends as my SO works anti-social hours, so I can only leave the house for about an hour every other week. I felt like I initially didn't mind this so much, but I always had the hope that I would get pregnant and that I would finally have a purpose. We have been trying to conceive (at least twice a day) for the full 22 months. However I have not fallen pregnant yet, and I just feel like I am going crazy. I often find myself falling into depression. I agreed with my SO that I would eventually take the next step in my career by doing a PhD after children. He believes that doing applying and doing a PhD will affect my chances of getting pregnant. I just feel that my hope is running out, and that I would like to divert my attention elsewhere. But the older I am getting, the more worried I am getting about falling pregnant, and the more worried I get about wasting time, as I could have applied and even done a PhD within that time. I think I just feel anxious about living with regret, and I am surrounded by women at work who have been able to undertake further study while being pregnant and with small children. I think I just feel frustrated with myself that I can't have both either. And I think I just feel incredibly bored nad purposeless too, which I know is not helping! Any advice? Thank you in advance.",,9,Glum-Sea4408,2023-02-13 23:29:10 RedPillWives,1117nr1,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,2,AutoModerator,2023-02-13 13:00:11 RedPillWives,10zsxrf,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,4,blushingoleander,2023-02-11 17:30:11 RedPillWives,10zn2wy,Shit Post Saturdays," Hello Ladies: Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,5,AutoModerator,2023-02-11 13:00:09 RedPillWives,10z1e8k,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! A few suggestions to get everyone started: * Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. * Dress a cut above normal for a week. * Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. &#x200B; *The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,5,AutoModerator,2023-02-10 20:00:14 RedPillWives,10ydfis,How traditional is too traditional?,"Since my last post got a very negative response here and on redpillwomen, I have to ask this traditional gender roles community - why are my traditions considered wrong? I realize that since this is an American forum, it's dominated by Americans and to be quite honest, despite this forum being ""antifeminist"" 99% of you ""antifeminist"" American women would be considered feminist in my culture. For example, I suspect many of you don't ask permission from your male guardian to do so. In my culture, this is common and expected of women - modest dress and asking permission are how we show respect to God and to our husbands, fathers and families by not dishonoring them. As long as our husbands aren't asking us to do anything sinful, we wives obey without question. In exchange, our husbands work hard to keep us safe and comfortable indoors. This is extremely common in conservative countries like mine, where feminism hasn't been able to penetrate. Yet even most ""antifeminist"" western women's heads would explode if they had to ask their husbands for permission to leave the house! My culture also emphasizes teaching homemaking skills to girls from birth - many girls in my culture get married around 15-16. Some are 14 but that's gotten more rare as the country has modernized. Meanwhile western women aren't even ready to marry until they're 30! Even most ""traditional"" western women don't usually want their daughter to get married as soon as they turn 18. What's going on in the west?",,25,eveninginthemtns,2023-02-10 02:10:42 RedPillWives,10ww42t,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,2,blushingoleander,2023-02-08 13:01:09 RedPillWives,10ww33u,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,1,AutoModerator,2023-02-08 13:00:12 RedPillWives,10w713y,I made a homemaking discord server!,"The only homemaking server I found was inactive so I made my own, it has a decent number of people joined, you are welcome to join, share recipes, discuss cleaning tips, and encourage one another! [https://discord.gg/8X8CZetVtt](https://discord.gg/8X8CZetVtt)",,7,[deleted],2023-02-07 17:06:31 RedPillWives,10w17p4,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,0,AutoModerator,2023-02-07 13:00:12 RedPillWives,10v60rt,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,1,AutoModerator,2023-02-06 13:00:11 RedPillWives,10tlzck,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,3,blushingoleander,2023-02-04 17:30:10 RedPillWives,10tl6rg,As it all my fault? Am i the worthless piece of shit he says I am?,,https://docs.google.com/document/d/1E6e6uR1Yd2MWRqdiAwbm5y1rAw7VAWPoxnOVuWYT5-0/edit,5,JULIANNA989,2023-02-04 16:59:13 RedPillWives,10tfv09,Shit Post Saturdays," Hello Ladies: Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,0,AutoModerator,2023-02-04 13:00:10 RedPillWives,10stm5y,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! A few suggestions to get everyone started: * Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. * Dress a cut above normal for a week. * Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. &#x200B; *The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,3,AutoModerator,2023-02-03 20:00:11 RedPillWives,10qu5ra,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,3,AutoModerator,2023-02-01 13:00:10 RedPillWives,10qu6oh,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,2,blushingoleander,2023-02-01 13:01:08 RedPillWives,10pyf60,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,2,AutoModerator,2023-01-31 13:00:09 RedPillWives,10p1b5c,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,3,AutoModerator,2023-01-30 13:00:13 RedPillWives,10nkh0o,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,1,blushingoleander,2023-01-28 17:30:08 RedPillWives,10mufq6,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! A few suggestions to get everyone started: * Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. * Dress a cut above normal for a week. * Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. &#x200B; *The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,3,AutoModerator,2023-01-27 20:00:12 RedPillWives,10m1rr5,Woman only Discord server for traditional woman,,/r/1950household/comments/10lzgpm/woman_only_discord_server_for_traditional_woman/,4,AireGirl19,2023-01-26 20:35:26 RedPillWives,10ky3hd,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,4,blushingoleander,2023-01-25 13:01:11 RedPillWives,10ky2la,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,5,AutoModerator,2023-01-25 13:00:11 RedPillWives,10k4wwz,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,0,AutoModerator,2023-01-24 13:00:09 RedPillWives,10jbx1c,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,2,AutoModerator,2023-01-23 13:00:10 RedPillWives,10hwi76,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,3,blushingoleander,2023-01-21 17:30:11 RedPillWives,10hqpa7,Shit Post Saturdays," Hello Ladies: Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,2,AutoModerator,2023-01-21 13:00:10 RedPillWives,10h6ljo,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! A few suggestions to get everyone started: * Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. * Dress a cut above normal for a week. * Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. &#x200B; *The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,8,AutoModerator,2023-01-20 20:00:12 RedPillWives,10f6uu0,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,2,blushingoleander,2023-01-18 13:01:09 RedPillWives,10f6tvh,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,1,AutoModerator,2023-01-18 13:00:09 RedPillWives,10ebowx,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,2,AutoModerator,2023-01-17 13:00:12 RedPillWives,10ddyp9,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,1,AutoModerator,2023-01-16 13:00:13 RedPillWives,10brdas,Men Pulling Away?,"Hi ladies! It’s been a while and I’m getting into the reading some core books about relationships again - - especially Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. A classic that I first read at 16-17 and now rereading it after a decade: specifically Chapter 6 about Men being like rubber bands.. They need to actually pull away sometimes, recollect and reconnect with themselves before resuming the intimacy within the relationship, this makes sense. Now I have some ponderings about it since the book didn’t really cover it - how are women supposed to be while he is ‘away’? Let’s say through interactions and maybe even text… The same? Maybe a little distant/aloof as to respect the space there so he can fully experience it? Any thoughts about this and the book are welcome :)",,13,ThatStepfordGal,2023-01-14 15:39:22 RedPillWives,10bu2ot,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,2,blushingoleander,2023-01-14 17:30:08 RedPillWives,10bnvs4,Shit Post Saturdays," Hello Ladies: Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,3,AutoModerator,2023-01-14 13:00:10 RedPillWives,10b3woe,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! A few suggestions to get everyone started: * Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. * Dress a cut above normal for a week. * Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. &#x200B; *The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,2,AutoModerator,2023-01-13 20:00:10 RedPillWives,10943z2,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,4,AutoModerator,2023-01-11 13:00:10 RedPillWives,10944vs,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,0,blushingoleander,2023-01-11 13:01:08 RedPillWives,10898yb,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,0,AutoModerator,2023-01-10 13:00:10 RedPillWives,107dtmi,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,2,AutoModerator,2023-01-09 13:00:11 RedPillWives,105uhkd,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,1,blushingoleander,2023-01-07 17:30:09 RedPillWives,105ohn5,Shit Post Saturdays," Hello Ladies: Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,0,AutoModerator,2023-01-07 13:00:08 RedPillWives,1053u1e,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! A few suggestions to get everyone started: * Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. * Dress a cut above normal for a week. * Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. &#x200B; *The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,2,AutoModerator,2023-01-06 20:00:11 RedPillWives,10335rx,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,2,blushingoleander,2023-01-04 13:01:10 RedPillWives,10334tu,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,2,AutoModerator,2023-01-04 13:00:11 RedPillWives,1027lqm,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,2,AutoModerator,2023-01-03 13:00:11 RedPillWives,101c27c,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,0,AutoModerator,2023-01-02 13:00:11 RedPillWives,1004iv7,How to submit to husband's decision even when I think it might be unsafe?,"How old are you (and how old is your partner) and how familiar are you with RPW? I'm 28 and he's 35, familiar with the basics What is your relationship status? Monogamous married What is the problem? (Don’t badmouth your SO!) My husband's brother recently got out of prison for a child sex offence [under 12, so not a ""she told me she was 18"" situation]. My husband loves his brother very much and was happy to learn his brother is moving to be near us since cost of living in our area is much lower and the jobs his brother can get are very limited and typically low paying. I don't mind this, I think it's good for him to maintain his brother to help rehabilitate him. BUT my husband wants his brother to visit our home someday and we have 2 small children. I've expressed concerns and he says that as long as his brother's not alone with them, everything will be fine. I know that rationally this is probably true but I'm REALLY struggling letting a child sex offender into our home. How have you contributed to the problem? I think I might be overreacting and disrespecting my husband's brother and by extension, my husband. How long has this been an issue? 1 month What have you done to resolve this problem? I've expressed my concerns about his brother's sexual past. If married or in a committed, monogamous relationship: How long have you been together? 6 years Is your relationship long-distance? No Do you have an active bedroom life? Yes",,6,morninginthemtns1,2022-12-31 21:47:10 RedPillWives,zzz48l,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,3,blushingoleander,2022-12-31 17:30:09 RedPillWives,zztlq8,Shit Post Saturdays," Hello Ladies: Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,2,AutoModerator,2022-12-31 13:00:12 RedPillWives,zz9wvq,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! A few suggestions to get everyone started: * Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. * Dress a cut above normal for a week. * Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. &#x200B; *The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,15,AutoModerator,2022-12-30 20:00:11 RedPillWives,zx90pf,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,3,blushingoleander,2022-12-28 13:01:10 RedPillWives,zx8zrt,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,1,AutoModerator,2022-12-28 13:00:14 RedPillWives,zwf42s,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,3,AutoModerator,2022-12-27 13:00:13 RedPillWives,zvmns1,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,3,AutoModerator,2022-12-26 13:00:11 RedPillWives,zuefu7,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,1,blushingoleander,2022-12-24 17:30:09 RedPillWives,zu9d3y,Shit Post Saturdays," Hello Ladies: Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,1,AutoModerator,2022-12-24 13:00:11 RedPillWives,ztr58j,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! A few suggestions to get everyone started: * Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. * Dress a cut above normal for a week. * Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. &#x200B; *The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,5,AutoModerator,2022-12-23 20:00:10 RedPillWives,zrkxgc,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,4,AutoModerator,2022-12-21 13:00:11 RedPillWives,zrkz2g,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,2,blushingoleander,2022-12-21 13:01:07 RedPillWives,zq080m,"From a man, just a thanks for giving hope all my hard work could materialize into a future loving wife it can be tremendously hard to see it",,,16,Environmental-Use808,2022-12-19 18:58:42 RedPillWives,zqnuqw,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,0,AutoModerator,2022-12-20 13:00:12 RedPillWives,zpqxtq,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,2,AutoModerator,2022-12-19 13:00:12 RedPillWives,zobbwh,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,0,blushingoleander,2022-12-17 17:30:09 RedPillWives,zo5t2n,Shit Post Saturdays," Hello Ladies: Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,2,AutoModerator,2022-12-17 13:00:08 RedPillWives,znnk1w,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! A few suggestions to get everyone started: * Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. * Dress a cut above normal for a week. * Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. &#x200B; *The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,9,AutoModerator,2022-12-16 20:00:13 RedPillWives,zlqcys,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,2,blushingoleander,2022-12-14 13:01:09 RedPillWives,zlqc0e,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,0,AutoModerator,2022-12-14 13:00:11 RedPillWives,zkv61p,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,1,AutoModerator,2022-12-13 13:00:09 RedPillWives,zjyf3s,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,3,AutoModerator,2022-12-12 13:00:11 RedPillWives,zhy67e,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,4,blushingoleander,2022-12-10 17:30:11 RedPillWives,zhrzh8,Shit Post Saturdays," Hello Ladies: Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,1,AutoModerator,2022-12-10 13:00:09 RedPillWives,zh728z,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! A few suggestions to get everyone started: * Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. * Dress a cut above normal for a week. * Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. &#x200B; *The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,9,AutoModerator,2022-12-09 20:00:11 RedPillWives,zf0kb9,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,4,AutoModerator,2022-12-07 13:00:11 RedPillWives,zf0l84,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,1,blushingoleander,2022-12-07 13:01:08 RedPillWives,ze65q4,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,2,AutoModerator,2022-12-06 13:00:13 RedPillWives,zd661c,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,0,AutoModerator,2022-12-05 13:00:11 RedPillWives,zblja8,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,3,blushingoleander,2022-12-03 17:30:08 RedPillWives,zbfpul,Shit Post Saturdays," Hello Ladies: Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,1,AutoModerator,2022-12-03 13:00:09 RedPillWives,zavvzc,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! A few suggestions to get everyone started: * Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. * Dress a cut above normal for a week. * Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. &#x200B; *The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,7,AutoModerator,2022-12-02 20:00:13 RedPillWives,z8qx22,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,1,blushingoleander,2022-11-30 13:01:11 RedPillWives,z8qvxg,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,1,AutoModerator,2022-11-30 13:00:09 RedPillWives,z7tey2,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,4,AutoModerator,2022-11-29 13:00:10 RedPillWives,z6vyqv,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,1,AutoModerator,2022-11-28 13:00:12 RedPillWives,z5cxmw,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,3,blushingoleander,2022-11-26 17:30:08 RedPillWives,z5703i,Shit Post Saturdays," Hello Ladies: Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,0,AutoModerator,2022-11-26 13:00:08 RedPillWives,z4mmx4,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! A few suggestions to get everyone started: * Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. * Dress a cut above normal for a week. * Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. &#x200B; *The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,7,AutoModerator,2022-11-25 20:00:09 RedPillWives,z316f8,Marriage Advice Please: 12 years married.,"Hi everyone, I’m 34, SO is 35. We’ve been married 12 years and have two children. I have been using advice from Laura Doyle, to help out marriage. I have taken her advice very seriously and it has had benefits. My husband left me and our kids for a week to figure out what he was wanting his life to be. Because he was having urges to want to meet and date and sleep with other women. And then when he returned he let me know how he was feeling and why. I have since self reflected and fixed those things that were bothering him and our relationship has gone smoother. I was being disrespectful and too high strung and I was very unhappy with my job making me miserable to live with. I have since been working heavily on all of this and I’m much happier and he is much happier. I have told him I want our family to stay together and I want to have a committed spouse. However my husband has been suffering from anxiety and panic attacks and he has said he’s glad I’m around so that I can help him. I am glad to help, but, I feel like this is the only reason he is still staying with me. I feel as if he feels safe with me and as soon as he feels fully better he will leave me. That I am just his safe place and not his desire or lover. I’m afraid that my efforts are not enough for him because I can’t give him what he is having the urge to do. He didn’t ever have intimate relationships with anyone else besides me and neither did I. He now feels like he missed out and I’m afraid no matter what I do, he will eventually choose to leave me to fulfill those needs. Can I please have advice on what I should do? As I said we are in a better place now relationship wise, but he has still not fully committed to me and he still has questions. I rarely ask him about how he’s feeling about our relationship because I am afraid. He has also said he has not cheated on me and I believe him. Is our marriage save-able if I am the only one working on saving it?",,13,LacesBasis,2022-11-23 21:31:06 RedPillWives,z2ojjj,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,1,blushingoleander,2022-11-23 13:01:08 RedPillWives,z2oikq,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,1,AutoModerator,2022-11-23 13:00:09 RedPillWives,z1szwj,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,0,AutoModerator,2022-11-22 13:00:13 RedPillWives,z0yeq2,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,0,AutoModerator,2022-11-21 13:00:11 RedPillWives,yzh72m,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,2,blushingoleander,2022-11-19 17:30:08 RedPillWives,yzb9hv,Help😂,"Ladies I need help, I work as a carer (UK) and work 48-60 hours a week. When i come home the last thing on my mind is cleaning/cooking but then i feel guilty for my fiancé. Any advice from people who have been in a similar situation on working this many hours and still keeping a clean home?",,4,21Emily12,2022-11-19 12:55:53 RedPillWives,yzbc5l,Shit Post Saturdays," Hello Ladies: Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,0,AutoModerator,2022-11-19 13:00:09 RedPillWives,yyt3m9,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! A few suggestions to get everyone started: * Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. * Dress a cut above normal for a week. * Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. &#x200B; *The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,9,AutoModerator,2022-11-18 20:00:12 RedPillWives,ywspzx,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,4,blushingoleander,2022-11-16 13:01:09 RedPillWives,ywsoxr,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,4,AutoModerator,2022-11-16 13:00:11 RedPillWives,yvwj4s,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,0,AutoModerator,2022-11-15 13:00:10 RedPillWives,yuynmh,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,1,AutoModerator,2022-11-14 13:00:10 RedPillWives,ytdcc0,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,1,blushingoleander,2022-11-12 17:30:12 RedPillWives,yt6euk,Shit Post Saturdays," Hello Ladies: Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,1,AutoModerator,2022-11-12 13:00:11 RedPillWives,ysl9tn,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! A few suggestions to get everyone started: * Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. * Dress a cut above normal for a week. * Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. &#x200B; *The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,6,AutoModerator,2022-11-11 20:00:12 RedPillWives,yqic4z,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,5,AutoModerator,2022-11-09 13:00:11 RedPillWives,yqid7l,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,3,blushingoleander,2022-11-09 13:01:08 RedPillWives,yplhtl,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,1,AutoModerator,2022-11-08 13:00:09 RedPillWives,yom5g7,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,0,AutoModerator,2022-11-07 13:00:13 RedPillWives,ymrypr,Shit Post Saturdays," Hello Ladies: Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,6,AutoModerator,2022-11-05 12:00:08 RedPillWives,ymyudh,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,1,blushingoleander,2022-11-05 16:30:11 RedPillWives,ym793w,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! A few suggestions to get everyone started: * Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. * Dress a cut above normal for a week. * Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. &#x200B; *The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,8,AutoModerator,2022-11-04 19:00:12 RedPillWives,yk3asw,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,3,AutoModerator,2022-11-02 12:00:10 RedPillWives,yk3bqh,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,1,blushingoleander,2022-11-02 12:01:08 RedPillWives,yj6tvw,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,4,AutoModerator,2022-11-01 12:00:11 RedPillWives,yi9tc7,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,8,AutoModerator,2022-10-31 12:00:11 RedPillWives,ygo2fq,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,1,blushingoleander,2022-10-29 16:30:10 RedPillWives,yght82,Shit Post Saturdays," Hello Ladies: Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,1,AutoModerator,2022-10-29 12:00:11 RedPillWives,yfxjau,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! A few suggestions to get everyone started: * Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. * Dress a cut above normal for a week. * Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. &#x200B; *The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,3,AutoModerator,2022-10-28 19:00:12 RedPillWives,yef9n6,Help! My husband and I are at a complete gridlock as it relates to personal belonging boundaries.,"Hi, this is my first post and I've heavily debated what title I should use... But that is pretty much the largest point of contention in my marriage lately. I hope this is not too long of a post but I do desire to include as much context as possible. Within the last 6-8 months my husband began reading/watching ""Red Pill/Manosphere'' content. It started with Rollo Tomasis's Book ""The Rational Male,"" Andrew Tate's Videos, Kevin Samuel's videos and other articles/opinions on this topic. After all of his research, he (for the most part) adopted this way of thinking and began implementing certain changes in our relationship. I would like to note that I am pretty open to “Red Pill” ideas. I come from a conservative Christian background which embraces a submission aspect of womanhood and the traditional gender roles. Fast forward to now, we are at a complete gridlock when it comes to personal boundaries. My husband is asking for full control over my personal belongings. He wants the ability to take my phone, car keys, wallet with my personal CC’s and even move me into the guest bedroom as a form of punishment whenever he feels “disrespected.” He says.. “Under MY house everything is MINE.” To me it feels/seems (I’m sorry to say) overly controlling. I have stated that I would like to keep my things because I worked hard for them, bought them, use them as tools to enrich my daughters development, buy groceries etc. I am not an over spender, I am not a dangerous/reckless driver, I may use my phone (what he would consider ""too much""- though I think there is a double standard here) a bit too much but I do not give it to my daughter and I do try to no be on my phone around her or if him and I are actually resolving conflict. I understand him wanting to give me frame/structure and feel respected but is this “too” much? He says it makes him very uncomfortable that I would want to have boundaries as it relates to my possessions in our marriage. He has voiced that he feels manipulated and that if he allows me to have this boundary then I will continue to manipulate him and take more and more of my individuality so as to squeeze him out and give him zero ability to give me frame and structure. I feel this is a very huge unfair over generalization and I am unsure how to calm his fears of the future. My questions are: Is it okay to have boundaries in a red pill type marriage? Is a personal belongings boundary at all an “ok” thing to request? Is it “disrespecting” my husband by desiring to keep my things and standing my ground? Is it okay to “get punished” if I do not “submit” my belongings to him? Does red pill philosophy address this topic? Is my husband taking the red pill philosophy to an extreme or in a way it is not meant to be played out? Are there other creative ways I can explain to my husband why I want to keep/use my things freely? I need help! I am unsure how to move forward on this issue. If anyone needs me to further explain something please let me know. If anyone is moved to give me their opinion or advice please feel free to do so. I am very new to this worldview and I do not understand it well- but I am open to learning. Thanks!",,14,Chapitta,2022-10-27 01:49:34 RedPillWives,ydwclc,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,2,blushingoleander,2022-10-26 12:01:09 RedPillWives,ydwbr7,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,1,AutoModerator,2022-10-26 12:00:11 RedPillWives,yd32o0,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,0,AutoModerator,2022-10-25 12:00:09 RedPillWives,yc9d8e,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,1,AutoModerator,2022-10-24 12:00:11 RedPillWives,yas4e9,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,3,blushingoleander,2022-10-22 16:30:11 RedPillWives,yalwt3,Shit Post Saturdays," Hello Ladies: Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,0,AutoModerator,2022-10-22 12:00:11 RedPillWives,ya1nts,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! A few suggestions to get everyone started: * Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. * Dress a cut above normal for a week. * Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. &#x200B; *The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,6,AutoModerator,2022-10-21 19:00:14 RedPillWives,y80un7,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,4,blushingoleander,2022-10-19 12:01:10 RedPillWives,y80tni,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,0,AutoModerator,2022-10-19 12:00:12 RedPillWives,y75472,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,4,AutoModerator,2022-10-18 12:00:12 RedPillWives,y69bba,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,2,AutoModerator,2022-10-17 12:00:13 RedPillWives,y4s966,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,1,blushingoleander,2022-10-15 16:30:11 RedPillWives,y4m4l7,Shit Post Saturdays," Hello Ladies: Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,0,AutoModerator,2022-10-15 12:00:10 RedPillWives,y428xr,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! A few suggestions to get everyone started: * Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. * Dress a cut above normal for a week. * Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. &#x200B; *The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,2,AutoModerator,2022-10-14 19:00:14 RedPillWives,y221kk,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,2,blushingoleander,2022-10-12 12:01:11 RedPillWives,y220ny,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,1,AutoModerator,2022-10-12 12:00:14 RedPillWives,y178gm,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,0,AutoModerator,2022-10-11 12:00:13 RedPillWives,y0cy5i,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,5,AutoModerator,2022-10-10 12:00:15 RedPillWives,xyx0xt,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,1,blushingoleander,2022-10-08 16:30:12 RedPillWives,xyr03j,Shit Post Saturdays," Hello Ladies: Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,1,AutoModerator,2022-10-08 12:00:09 RedPillWives,xy78g6,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! A few suggestions to get everyone started: * Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. * Dress a cut above normal for a week. * Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. &#x200B; *The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,6,AutoModerator,2022-10-07 19:00:15 RedPillWives,xw8qh9,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,1,blushingoleander,2022-10-05 12:01:07 RedPillWives,xw8pjl,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,1,AutoModerator,2022-10-05 12:00:10 RedPillWives,xvd8f9,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,4,AutoModerator,2022-10-04 12:00:12 RedPillWives,xuhh49,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,4,AutoModerator,2022-10-03 12:00:14 RedPillWives,xszpf7,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,6,blushingoleander,2022-10-01 16:30:12 RedPillWives,xsti6o,Shit Post Saturdays," Hello Ladies: Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,2,AutoModerator,2022-10-01 12:00:10 RedPillWives,xs9h1z,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! A few suggestions to get everyone started: * Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. * Dress a cut above normal for a week. * Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. &#x200B; *The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,4,AutoModerator,2022-09-30 19:00:12 RedPillWives,xrooa8,How many of you guys dye your hair/have alt girl styles yet are still conservative?,"Im asking because most girls I met like this are typically immature, rude, and very opinionated ""lefties"". Does this type of RPgirl exist? PS I don't mean to offend anybody with this question sorry if it sounds rude. \-examples include out there clothes, sublte unnatural (blue, purple, etc.) hair color, dreamcatchers (sounds wierd to include but seems pretty popular), and artsy personalities. ",,28,HanzEscalation,2022-09-30 01:28:06 RedPillWives,xqasel,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,3,AutoModerator,2022-09-28 12:00:11 RedPillWives,xqatbz,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,1,blushingoleander,2022-09-28 12:01:09 RedPillWives,xpesj6,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,1,AutoModerator,2022-09-27 12:00:11 RedPillWives,xohagg,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,0,AutoModerator,2022-09-26 12:00:12 RedPillWives,xmxb23,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,3,blushingoleander,2022-09-24 16:30:12 RedPillWives,xmqz41,Shit Post Saturdays," Hello Ladies: Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,0,AutoModerator,2022-09-24 12:00:10 RedPillWives,xm63es,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! A few suggestions to get everyone started: * Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. * Dress a cut above normal for a week. * Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. &#x200B; *The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,7,AutoModerator,2022-09-23 19:00:17 RedPillWives,xk2xfn,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,3,AutoModerator,2022-09-21 12:00:14 RedPillWives,xk2yh8,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,2,blushingoleander,2022-09-21 12:01:11 RedPillWives,xj6v9f,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,8,AutoModerator,2022-09-20 12:00:11 RedPillWives,xi9zuc,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,4,AutoModerator,2022-09-19 12:00:15 RedPillWives,xgrlam,Communities That Promote Big Families,"Ladies, Is anyone able to direct me to a community/ communities that promote big families? Alternatively; where could I find women who share my desire for a big family? Anything would be great. All I can find are subreddits for people who hate the idea of kids/big families",,5,ghjkfhjkdnsn,2022-09-17 16:53:43 RedPillWives,xgkmez,Shit Post Saturdays," Hello Ladies: Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,4,AutoModerator,2022-09-17 12:00:09 RedPillWives,xgr01p,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,1,blushingoleander,2022-09-17 16:30:12 RedPillWives,xfzuha,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! A few suggestions to get everyone started: * Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. * Dress a cut above normal for a week. * Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. &#x200B; *The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,4,AutoModerator,2022-09-16 19:00:14 RedPillWives,xe03tc,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,6,AutoModerator,2022-09-14 12:00:15 RedPillWives,xe04qk,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,1,blushingoleander,2022-09-14 12:01:10 RedPillWives,xd5lqu,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,5,AutoModerator,2022-09-13 12:00:09 RedPillWives,xcawyt,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,4,AutoModerator,2022-09-12 12:00:15 RedPillWives,xatkzj,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,1,blushingoleander,2022-09-10 16:30:10 RedPillWives,xanmoj,Shit Post Saturdays," Hello Ladies: Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,1,AutoModerator,2022-09-10 12:00:11 RedPillWives,xa3kgq,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! A few suggestions to get everyone started: * Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. * Dress a cut above normal for a week. * Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. &#x200B; *The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,14,AutoModerator,2022-09-09 19:00:16 RedPillWives,x83b4u,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,3,blushingoleander,2022-09-07 12:01:10 RedPillWives,x83a9h,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,2,AutoModerator,2022-09-07 12:00:13 RedPillWives,x78qor,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,4,AutoModerator,2022-09-06 12:00:13 RedPillWives,x6eg2h,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,6,AutoModerator,2022-09-05 12:00:15 RedPillWives,x4yk9y,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,6,blushingoleander,2022-09-03 16:30:13 RedPillWives,x4spup,Shit Post Saturdays," Hello Ladies: Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,1,AutoModerator,2022-09-03 12:00:11 RedPillWives,x49js6,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! A few suggestions to get everyone started: * Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. * Dress a cut above normal for a week. * Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. &#x200B; *The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,6,AutoModerator,2022-09-02 19:00:14 RedPillWives,x35saf,"Fighting Words - Anti-Feminism, Christianity & Conservative Politics","RPW is for anyone who seeks a happy, healthy, gender normative relationship with a solid man. Buuuut we do tend to draw many women who are anti-feminist or christian or conservative. This is a weekly space for you to talk about what's on your mind on those topics. It is not a space for debate from the opposition. While all women are welcome on RPW, we are carving out this weekly post for the women who might have trouble finding other spaces to share their thoughts. Kind and curious engagement is encouraged. Bans from outsiders will be issued liberally. It is a space for women to discuss ideas that are outside of the mainstream but very common in the RPW sphere. Is there a news story that's bugging you? Having shower thoughts about an article of your faith? This is the place to chat, post and share.",,1,blushingoleander,2022-09-01 12:00:13 RedPillWives,x2bryg,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,4,AutoModerator,2022-08-31 12:00:16 RedPillWives,x2bss8,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,2,blushingoleander,2022-08-31 12:01:11 RedPillWives,x1h7sl,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,4,AutoModerator,2022-08-30 12:00:14 RedPillWives,x0mxje,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,2,AutoModerator,2022-08-29 12:00:15 RedPillWives,wz14nt,Shit Post Saturdays," Hello Ladies: Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,5,AutoModerator,2022-08-27 12:00:09 RedPillWives,wz7324,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,0,blushingoleander,2022-08-27 16:30:11 RedPillWives,wym90u,My husband keeps swearing at me,"We keep clashing. It's been especially bad for the last 17 months, ever since we had our baby. Tonight he told me I was ""talking a bunch of shit"". In the last few weeks he has told me ""stop being such a bitch"", ""stop being such a bastard"", told me I am ""bitching"" and yelled ""fuck's sake"" and banged his chest when he was frustrated. I told him I will not he sworn at nor have my baby raised in a house where his dad swears at his mum but my husband plays dumb and says he doesn't know what swearing is, that it's a made up concept, and if the words bother me that is my problem. I am feeling very alone and like he doesn't care about my feelings. He refused - refused - to apologise for saying I was talking shit tonight. I told him it hurts my feelings and he said that I don't understand the language, I am too fragile and that I seem mentally unwell. I do feel mentally unwell because I want to be in a relationship where I am not sworn at, where I am loved, cherished and treated kindly. 90% of the time my husband is great - he works his tail off for us, is always doing things around the house etc. But the other 10% is so painful I don't know if I can - or should - bear it. We tried marital counselling but I found that even more harmful because the counsellor took his side, was very invalidating towards me which triggered me to no end in sessions, making me seem like the crazy one and him like the cool, calm innocent victim. No matter what the issue was the therapist turned it round to me. For example one time my husband was angry because I didn't clean the litter tray and he spoke to me in an unacceptable manner - and the conclusion of the therapist wasn't that he needs to control his temper but to have me apologise for not cleaning the litter tray!! And another time I said I am exhausted because I have not ever had a chance to sleep in since we had the baby, whereas my husband said that he is very tired and we make too much noise and wake him up, and our therapist asked me if I could be more quiet in the mornings for him so he could sleep in! (Twice he has gotten up first to help with the baby - twice - in all 17 months). That was our last session as I just wanted to throw the computer out the window. And numerous other examples where him speaking to me badly is *my* fault. I'm at my wits end. We have a 17 month old baby together. We have been together since I was 18 (I'm now 37). His behaviour has always rang alarm bells, some of my friends thought he was kind of an asshole, but I ignored them because I had terrible self esteem and trauma in my past. Now I am recognising that this is not the way I want to live, nor the way I want to be loved. Love shouldn't hurt this much. I want it to work out, I just don't know if it can. I don't want to rip my family apart, but in the meantime I don't want my self esteem to be ripped to shreds either. Advice - help?",,22,mujercatolica,2022-08-26 22:32:14 RedPillWives,wyhant,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! A few suggestions to get everyone started: * Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. * Dress a cut above normal for a week. * Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. &#x200B; *The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,2,AutoModerator,2022-08-26 19:00:14 RedPillWives,wxcbkv,"Fighting Words - Anti-Feminism, Christianity & Conservative Politics","RPW is for anyone who seeks a happy, healthy, gender normative relationship with a solid man. Buuuut we do tend to draw many women who are anti-feminist or christian or conservative. This is a weekly space for you to talk about what's on your mind on those topics. It is not a space for debate from the opposition. While all women are welcome on RPW, we are carving out this weekly post for the women who might have trouble finding other spaces to share their thoughts. Kind and curious engagement is encouraged. Bans from outsiders will be issued liberally. It is a space for women to discuss ideas that are outside of the mainstream but very common in the RPW sphere. Is there a news story that's bugging you? Having shower thoughts about an article of your faith? This is the place to chat, post and share.",,6,blushingoleander,2022-08-25 12:00:13 RedPillWives,wwhoi7,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,5,AutoModerator,2022-08-24 12:00:11 RedPillWives,wwhpfl,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,3,blushingoleander,2022-08-24 12:01:08 RedPillWives,wvmxmm,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,4,AutoModerator,2022-08-23 12:00:10 RedPillWives,wurpdh,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,6,AutoModerator,2022-08-22 12:00:13 RedPillWives,wtb97o,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,6,blushingoleander,2022-08-20 16:30:08 RedPillWives,wt5dz7,Shit Post Saturdays," Hello Ladies: Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,1,AutoModerator,2022-08-20 12:00:10 RedPillWives,wslyiv,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! A few suggestions to get everyone started: * Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. * Dress a cut above normal for a week. * Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. &#x200B; *The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,10,AutoModerator,2022-08-19 19:00:13 RedPillWives,wrhpii,"Fighting Words - Anti-Feminism, Christianity & Conservative Politics","RPW is for anyone who seeks a happy, healthy, gender normative relationship with a solid man. Buuuut we do tend to draw many women who are anti-feminist or christian or conservative. This is a weekly space for you to talk about what's on your mind on those topics. It is not a space for debate from the opposition. While all women are welcome on RPW, we are carving out this weekly post for the women who might have trouble finding other spaces to share their thoughts. Kind and curious engagement is encouraged. Bans from outsiders will be issued liberally. It is a space for women to discuss ideas that are outside of the mainstream but very common in the RPW sphere. Is there a news story that's bugging you? Having shower thoughts about an article of your faith? This is the place to chat, post and share.",,6,blushingoleander,2022-08-18 12:00:11 RedPillWives,wqn60z,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,2,blushingoleander,2022-08-17 12:01:09 RedPillWives,wqn55x,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,1,AutoModerator,2022-08-17 12:00:12 RedPillWives,wpsgac,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,10,AutoModerator,2022-08-16 12:00:12 RedPillWives,woxt38,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,3,AutoModerator,2022-08-15 12:00:12 RedPillWives,wnikj6,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,2,blushingoleander,2022-08-13 16:30:07 RedPillWives,wncv4r,Shit Post Saturdays," Hello Ladies: Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,1,AutoModerator,2022-08-13 12:00:09 RedPillWives,wmt345,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! A few suggestions to get everyone started: * Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. * Dress a cut above normal for a week. * Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. &#x200B; *The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,9,AutoModerator,2022-08-12 19:00:13 RedPillWives,wlpnfm,"Fighting Words - Anti-Feminism, Christianity & Conservative Politics","RPW is for anyone who seeks a happy, healthy, gender normative relationship with a solid man. Buuuut we do tend to draw many women who are anti-feminist or christian or conservative. This is a weekly space for you to talk about what's on your mind on those topics. It is not a space for debate from the opposition. While all women are welcome on RPW, we are carving out this weekly post for the women who might have trouble finding other spaces to share their thoughts. Kind and curious engagement is encouraged. Bans from outsiders will be issued liberally. It is a space for women to discuss ideas that are outside of the mainstream but very common in the RPW sphere. Is there a news story that's bugging you? Having shower thoughts about an article of your faith? This is the place to chat, post and share.",,10,blushingoleander,2022-08-11 12:00:12 RedPillWives,wkvmcs,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,3,blushingoleander,2022-08-10 12:01:07 RedPillWives,wkvlfx,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,3,AutoModerator,2022-08-10 12:00:13 RedPillWives,wk1h9c,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,0,AutoModerator,2022-08-09 12:00:10 RedPillWives,wjfhae,My husband is on a week long work trip. I would appreciate any advice on how to handle the week and his return.,"My husband (40) usually works from home and I (39) am a very happy SAHM to our three boys (9,7,5). We are very close and spend a lot of time together. This is his first trip away from us and we will be missing each other greatly. I want to handle it with grace and make him feel comfortable and confident to travel again when needed. I want him to feel loved and appreciated while away as well. I was wondering what I can do while he is away to show this and what special ways I can celebrate his return. Any tips and advice is welcome, thank you!",,14,CristinaET,2022-08-08 17:57:42 RedPillWives,wj72g1,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,1,AutoModerator,2022-08-08 12:00:13 RedPillWives,whmo8h,Shit Post Saturdays," Hello Ladies: Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,2,AutoModerator,2022-08-06 12:00:09 RedPillWives,whsb9h,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,1,blushingoleander,2022-08-06 16:30:10 RedPillWives,whbbd6,Secret Redditting Technique,"Most people use apps to Reddit. This doesn't help with that. And if you use the redesign (does anyone use the redesign?) you are out of luck. But if you want to see everything that is going on on a sub, you can add ""comments"" to the end of the URL on the web browser. For Example: https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/ This shows you everything that is being said in all the different threads. I was gifted this information by a wise woman (PhantomDream09) in the way way back times. It's useful for moderating but it's also helpful with all the automatic posts that we have set up. You can see what is going on without going into every new post individually. This has been a public service announcement.",,15,blushingoleander,2022-08-06 00:53:06 RedPillWives,wh3fio,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! A few suggestions to get everyone started: * Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. * Dress a cut above normal for a week. * Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. &#x200B; *The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,7,AutoModerator,2022-08-05 19:00:11 RedPillWives,wf4ra8,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,7,AutoModerator,2022-08-03 12:00:12 RedPillWives,wf4s4u,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,3,blushingoleander,2022-08-03 12:01:09 RedPillWives,we9tn4,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,4,AutoModerator,2022-08-02 12:00:11 RedPillWives,wd1ny1,Boundaries,,https://i.redd.it/8glbvuydjze91.png,48,blushingoleander,2022-07-31 23:06:16 RedPillWives,wc1enz,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,1,blushingoleander,2022-07-30 16:30:10 RedPillWives,wbvwi4,Shit Post Saturdays," Hello Ladies: Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,1,AutoModerator,2022-07-30 12:00:10 RedPillWives,wbcuts,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! A few suggestions to get everyone started: * Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. * Dress a cut above normal for a week. * Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. &#x200B; *The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,11,AutoModerator,2022-07-29 19:00:16 RedPillWives,wa811l,"Fighting Words - Anti-Feminism, Christianity & Conservative Politics","RPW is for anyone who seeks a happy, healthy, gender normative relationship with a solid man. Buuuut we do tend to draw many women who are anti-feminist or christian or conservative. This is a weekly space for you to talk about what's on your mind on those topics. It is not a space for debate from the opposition. While all women are welcome on RPW, we are carving out this weekly post for the women who might have trouble finding other spaces to share their thoughts. Kind and curious engagement is encouraged. Bans from outsiders will be issued liberally. It is a space for women to discuss ideas that are outside of the mainstream but very common in the RPW sphere. Is there a news story that's bugging you? Having shower thoughts about an article of your faith? This is the place to chat, post and share.",,9,blushingoleander,2022-07-28 12:00:13 RedPillWives,w9cvjf,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,7,AutoModerator,2022-07-27 12:00:11 RedPillWives,w9cwgy,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,2,blushingoleander,2022-07-27 12:01:10 RedPillWives,w8hxfq,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,6,AutoModerator,2022-07-26 12:00:14 RedPillWives,w7lxxo,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,3,AutoModerator,2022-07-25 11:00:12 RedPillWives,w681i4,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,10,blushingoleander,2022-07-23 16:30:11 RedPillWives,w62cj8,Shit Post Saturdays," Hello Ladies: Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,1,AutoModerator,2022-07-23 12:00:11 RedPillWives,w5ipr5,It's quiet in here - Part 2,"So I finally sat down at my computer. Wait scratch that, I finally have a computer to sit down at. I finally sat down and reviewed the discussion that we had a few weeks ago. I've scheduled a handful of weekly posts (I had to turn on new Reddit to do it. The things I do for you :-P) Here are a few things coming your way: * The Good Wife Weekly Challenge and Follow Up - where the community can suggest ""challenges"" for everyone to do throughout the week to make their relationships better. Challenge choices will come on Friday and follow up on Monday to report back how it went. * Shit Post Saturdays - bringing back an oldie but goodie. This is an anything goes sort of day. Posts can be less formal, memes, shower thoughts whatever you like. These can go in the thread or make your own posts. Every week a reminder post will pop up to let you know. * The Cute Kid Report - for discussing parenting, motherhood and pregnancy (Tuesdays) * Casual Questions - for questions that aren't relationship defining and may not require an entire post on their own (Wednesdays) * Fighting Words - Anti-Feminism, Christianity and Conservative Politics. This one is a space for those topics that can be difficult to discuss anywhere else. It's not RPW specific but is open to the groups of women that overwhelmingly tend to frequent the subs. (Thursdays) &#x200B; In addition, link posting and image posting are turned on. This sub is not limited to text only and you are welcome to post topical outside content. The only thing I ask (a personal preference) is that you don't cross post with other subs. RPWives has always left space for science, homemaking, self care, and humor along with the standards of RPW such as theory and girl game. &#x200B; All this is on a test run, we have so much room here to develop a community that we want to see. I am always open to feedback and suggestions.",,25,blushingoleander,2022-07-22 19:12:05 RedPillWives,w5ifeb,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! A few suggestions to get everyone started: * Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. * Dress a cut above normal for a week. * Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. &#x200B; *The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,15,AutoModerator,2022-07-22 19:00:12 RedPillWives,w40wxq,Course on feminine archetype?,Has anyone ever looked into the feminine archetypes and done a course on your archetype from Women Love Power? I think it s a bit otro fue so I’m hesitating but haven’t found any other course on it. Do you have any suggestions?,,11,Snucontreras,2022-07-20 23:29:32 RedPillWives,w3kk55,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,5,blushingoleander,2022-07-20 12:01:11 RedPillWives,w1x3nb,I want to feel more feminine,,/r/femininity/comments/w1w89m/i_want_to_feel_more_feminine/,10,Dapper-Reality-418,2022-07-18 11:35:49 RedPillWives,w0kiee,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,3,blushingoleander,2022-07-16 16:30:08 RedPillWives,vy1iz6,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,7,blushingoleander,2022-07-13 12:01:10 RedPillWives,vwm5zd,Cleaning… help!,"Hello all! I have been struggling lately with keeping up with all the housework and keeping our home neat. I try my best to stay up to date on laundry and dishes, but other little things seem to slip through the cracks. 1. Do any of you have advice for keeping a tidy home? 2. What are some things that can help a room look more pulled together/less cluttered? 3. Any favorite cleaning products or methods around the house that can help keep things fresh?",,11,Scared-Tea-8911,2022-07-11 16:13:34 RedPillWives,vv5fnp,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,9,blushingoleander,2022-07-09 16:30:08 RedPillWives,vsply3,Dealing with menopause,"Hi all, I’m 51 y/o dealing with menopause and find myself getting insecure and anxious over a waning sex drive. I’ve been with my husband for 28 years and he has the virility and sex drive of a 20 Y/o. I’ve always been very sexual and spontaneous with him. Any advice regarding health,mindset , etc. is much appreciated. Currently we make love three times a week.",,7,tiffinyvillar,2022-07-06 13:06:14 RedPillWives,vsocrv,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,4,blushingoleander,2022-07-06 12:01:08 RedPillWives,vpvim3,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,4,blushingoleander,2022-07-02 16:30:09 RedPillWives,vne504,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,2,blushingoleander,2022-06-29 12:01:08 RedPillWives,vmat6y,It's quite quiet in here,"Hi Everyone, It's been pretty dead in here lately. Maybe we can do something to get things moving again. Who are you and what brings you to RPWives? What sort of stuff would you like to see? What do you need help with? I'll admit that I'm a bit of an absentee landlord over here but so many women on *that other sub* crave a female space without too many menfolk interfering. We have the opportunity to be that if we put our heads together. Tell me what you are thinking...",,39,blushingoleander,2022-06-28 01:19:38 RedPillWives,vkiqc7,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,3,blushingoleander,2022-06-25 16:30:10 RedPillWives,vi3ked,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,3,blushingoleander,2022-06-22 12:01:09 RedPillWives,vf8to4,Struggling with competing RP advice on when to have sex,"I know this is such a common topic, but I was hoping y’all could help set me straight on how to think about it. There is an article somewhere in our milieu that argues that if you have previously “given it up” quickly to guys, then strategically you kind of have to continue to do that with new guys you date, because if they discovered that you made them wait but didn’t in the past they’ll have their masculine pride wounded. Is this really true? I don’t plan to specifically hold off until commitment, but as Sherry Argov points out in Why Men Love Bitches: “If she gives it up too soon, men stop with the romance and stop working at it. And truthfully, he’d rather be working hard at it. They enjoy playing the game, and if it ends too soon, they’re disappointed. They even struggle inside, subconsciously. They know they want to get it, but know they want the girl to make him wait.“ Specifically, I’m an attractive, feminine, but modern and secular girl. I’m 24. My count is four, two of which turned into steady relationships. But I “gave it up” in a matter of a couple dates with all of them. Moving forward if I try to take the approach of letting it build for a while, is that really something that most decent guys would see as a red flag? When/if the topic came up I explained that the I did it differently this time because I just was enjoying the game of flirting and did what felt right to me— as opposed to making it seem like I imposed an arbitrary rule only on him— would that help? Signed, A girl who’s tired of letting the advice of questionable dudes on the internet live rent free in my head and needs help slaying some hamsters.",,16,dabadeedabadaa,2022-06-18 15:41:20 RedPillWives,vf9sz6,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,5,blushingoleander,2022-06-18 16:30:11 RedPillWives,veeqz6,Cycle of fighting off and on after birth of second child,"This sucks. I feel like I tried my best to set us up for success before our second baby came (he is 6 weeks old). I determined the several things that would help me feel supported. I typed out a (well received) short list for him because he doesn’t have a great memory. The only chores that have always been designated as his are taking out the trash and mowing the lawn. He thought the list was great and said he was happy to do these few things. Well, he never did them until I freaked out a few times. Now he’s unloading the dishwasher and sometimes offers to watch the kids while I shower. He does check on me and offer to get me water while I’m nursing sometimes. And he takes our toddler outside for about 30 minutes almost daily. We’re fighting every few days. This morning, our baby woke up around 5:30 and our toddler came into our room only a few minutes later (she’s getting over hand foot and mouth). He was sleeping downstairs on the couch so I tried to get both of them back to sleep at the same time. Of course that didn’t work. Finally at 6:30 I ended up yelling at him because I’ve been sleeping only 90 minute intervals for the past two nights. And now the kids and I were all up two hours before we normally wake at 7:30. (On the back end, he’s been putting our toddler to sleep but believes “she goes to bed when she goes to bed” which results in her going to sleep around 9:30 when it used to be 7:30) I told him I feel abandoned. That I need help at night. He said good, I’m abandoning you and went upstairs. I understand that the person I become when I yell is undesirable but I’m tired and angry and sad and lonely. I try my best to be a woman he wants to support but I just feel like I can’t. I do feel like I’m doing a great job handling so much in my own. But then I’m not good enough as hard as I try and I wind up melting down. How am I supposed to avoid this burn out cycle if he’s not willing to help. He’s only interested in working (he’s building a business right now) He doesn’t even really spend much time with our brand new baby. He spent so much time with our first. He is really a great man. And a good dad. We’re all really lucky and I know this is a hard time but wtf. What can I do? I understand he has a lot of stress right now but if I’m getting little sleep and he’s regularly getting 8 hours, that seems to be an indication that there’s an imbalance. It doesn’t feel fair, please help",,8,lookylolo,2022-06-17 14:42:18 RedPillWives,vcsvvm,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,5,blushingoleander,2022-06-15 12:01:09 RedPillWives,vaj2x7,Books about emotional awareness and inner femininity?,"Hi ladies! I’ve been in a heartfelt journey understanding my femininity beyond the physical and mental practice to something more emotional. I’ve realised in recent years I may have very feminine appearances, manners and whatnot but I struggle with vulnerability and earnest communication…this is something I’ll expand upon in my blog eventually, but I feel there’s more learning to do… I’ve read: Fascinating Womanhood/series, Attached, Daring Greatly - does anyone have further suggestions? Not books about feminine attitude exactly but the mentality and emotional depth, especially in navigating relationships (all kinds and not merely romantic) and communication, wholeheartedness. Thank you ✨",,16,ThatStepfordGal,2022-06-12 10:21:48 RedPillWives,va15l6,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,5,blushingoleander,2022-06-11 16:30:10 RedPillWives,v7nyex,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,8,blushingoleander,2022-06-08 12:01:09 RedPillWives,v4sgcv,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,5,blushingoleander,2022-06-04 16:30:10 RedPillWives,v2fc43,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,6,blushingoleander,2022-06-01 12:01:10 RedPillWives,uzqvf2,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,11,blushingoleander,2022-05-28 16:30:10 RedPillWives,uxfski,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,7,blushingoleander,2022-05-25 12:01:08 RedPillWives,uuqnif,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,2,blushingoleander,2022-05-21 16:30:11 RedPillWives,utkclw,"For those who are genuinely happy with their careers, what do you do?","I have a nice job (lawyer), but lately I’ve been feeling disconnected from it. Like I don’t really “help” anyone and it fills me with sadness. I’m curious about those of you who are happy with your jobs. I know this is very personal, but I’m open to suggestions, actually I want to change careers. What do you do? I’m open to be a SAHM as well, just want to see the honest replies.",,24,acgs1995,2022-05-20 03:29:47 RedPillWives,usb8oc,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,13,blushingoleander,2022-05-18 12:01:10 RedPillWives,ur2kqt,When self-care feels like a chore," I'm wondering how women prioritize self-care without feeling like it's a chore. Personally, anything more than basic hygiene feels like a ridiculous amount of effort. I'm lucky if I manage to put on makeup or even shave my legs once per week! I have definitely felt a stronger pull towards looking more put together, and I've always been drawn to a more feminine appearance, but it seems like whenever I try I give up because it's ""too much work"". Any advice or tips?",,17,[deleted],2022-05-16 18:28:31 RedPillWives,upkv6v,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,4,blushingoleander,2022-05-14 16:30:10 RedPillWives,un5ubt,Any other Fascinating Womanhood wives out there?,Just that really - any ladies that follow FW in their life & relationship?,,25,homekeepingheart,2022-05-11 09:23:49 RedPillWives,un87bn,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,4,blushingoleander,2022-05-11 12:01:08 RedPillWives,ukgy04,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,6,blushingoleander,2022-05-07 16:30:11 RedPillWives,ui4y9k,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,7,blushingoleander,2022-05-04 12:01:09 RedPillWives,ufen58,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,7,blushingoleander,2022-04-30 16:30:11 RedPillWives,ud1wcp,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,7,blushingoleander,2022-04-27 12:01:08 RedPillWives,uagkow,Underwear Game,"It's (long past) time for me to get new bras/underwear, and I want to up my underclothing game. I buy my bras from one of those stores where you get properly fitted, and I'd like to get matching sets. However the sets all seem to have full coverage panties, whereas I prefer thongs so I don't have a visible panty line. Which means I could just buy black/beige/white bras and buy thongs separately, but that seems a shame when there are so many pretty patterns out there! So I'm looking for solutions to my first world problem, but also just general inspiration. I'd love to hear about your undergarment wardrobe, underwear philosophy, and anything else related to under things!",,8,[deleted],2022-04-23 22:34:52 RedPillWives,uadw5i,How to cut my hair to *exude* femininity,"Long or lob? When I style my long hair it doesn't last longer than half the day. I could easily style lob everyday but is it less femenine? I feel like I can't get real answers anywhere else.",,6,Smoltardigrade,2022-04-23 20:18:40 RedPillWives,ua9717,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,3,blushingoleander,2022-04-23 16:30:09 RedPillWives,u9elg2,Feeling like a proud SAHM.,"My husband had some coworkers over the other night and they all commented on how well kept the house was, and how my husband was so lucky to have a wife like me! It made me feel so good! I take a lot of pride in keeping my house clean. I feel like your house should be your sanctuary, and if you're looking around at clutter everywhere that it can contribute to your anxiety and stress. I have a cleaning schedule where I only spend 30 minutes to 1 hour each day cleaning. I used to not do this and my house was always a wreck and so was my mind! Anyway it felt really nice to have people notice all the work and effort I put into my home especially with having a toddler that is like a mini tornado always running through the house lol.",,87,Nobunnyashh,2022-04-22 13:23:41 RedPillWives,u7uva1,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,5,blushingoleander,2022-04-20 12:01:08 RedPillWives,u51gks,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,2,blushingoleander,2022-04-16 16:30:10 RedPillWives,u3ipyn,How do you get back to *feeling* like things in your relationship are ok?,"Married 10 years, both 34, been reading RP content for maybe a year?  From the book list here at RPWives, I've read How to Improve Your Marriage without Talking About It, The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, and The Surrendered Wife.  Our relationship is generally really good and stable. He's a really great man.  My husband and I had a discussion turn into a massive argument last weekend.  I was hurt and felt like I wasnt being heard about a particular issue and then acted out, which was wrong, then he handled it badly, and it escalated from there.   We never finished talking about it.  Kids and other responsibilities got in the way and we had to just move on.  We have barely spoken to each other outside of logistics all week.  Our kids left on vacation with their grandparents, so we should have been enjoying our time alone, and instead there's been a damper on the whole week. I've spent the past few days just being quiet and submissive and patient and available.  I finally asked him this morning if he's still mad at me.  He said no but that he's still trying to work out what we need to discuss and how to say it effectively and that he's not ready to talk.  I have a lot of respect for that and I appreciate that he isn't saying anything rashly or out of anger.   I know how to respond to him and I know things will get better at some point.  I'm owning and apologizing for my mistakes.  I am being patient to not push him to talk about things before he's ready.  I will listen to him and not argue once he does want to talk while also calmly communicating my perspective.  After a decade of marriage, this isn't exactly my first rodeo.  It is though maybe the first time he's been so slow and deliberate and we didn't just immediately hash things out and resolve the problem.  I'm not accustomed to waiting like this.   So what I don't know how to do is *feel* ok in the meantime.  Our kids come home tomorrow and I need to be back to happy mom.  Do I just fake it?  Or what can I focus on to feel like things are ok with all this still hanging over my head?  How do you fix your own ""feelz""?",,15,throwaway129645723,2022-04-14 14:24:49 RedPillWives,u2op9q,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,3,blushingoleander,2022-04-13 12:01:08 RedPillWives,u0pzfb,Help Needed with Addressing His Health," * **How old are you (and how old is your partner) and how familiar are you with RPW?** \- We are both 38 and I'm a novice but trying to be as mindful of it as possible within my marriage. * **What is your relationship status?** \- Married * **What is the problem? (Don’t badmouth your SO!)** \- (this is my first time seeking help here, I hope I am not bad mouthing him, he is a wonderful man and is all I could ask for, I am writing all of this because I am worried about him and need to know what I can do to help. I'm also sorry about the wall of text I'm trying to include as much relevant information as possible.) We are both very out of shape. We got this way together over a long period. I have been working to rectify my own end, I see a doctor regularly, I picked up tracking steps and attempting to stay active on my own, I realized I was not eating mindfully and did two months of a course to learn to properly track my intake and manage my mentality around food. I want to be healthy and more attractive because I want to have a long happy marriage. My husband will see me making changes and talk about how he ""needs"" to also lose weight, but then fails to follow through. He has not been to a doctor in years, at one point he called my doctor's office to make an appointment for a long overdue physical then failed to follow through. He is willing to go to the dentist but only if I make the appointment for him (which I am doing). And he is willing to eat better meals only if I take care of them all - when he feeds himself he makes food choices that are... less than thoughtful. He does make excellent dinners for us all two nights a week, the trouble is when he is making food exclusively for himself. He has been snoring off and on for years and occasionally seems to be plagued by headaches and I am starting to become concerned that his health is not going to hold up in the long term and it hurts to think that he is letting himself go and I don't know how to bring it up in a way that is supportive and not emasculating, but I can't keep just letting him go on like this. There is a chance that he doesn't have any medical conditions, but we have no way to know one way or the other because he won't go to the doctor. How can he captain this partnership if he isn't captaining himself? I'm happy to keep making him breakfast and lunch as much as I can, but I can't do it all, we have two kids who are homeschooled and I work three days a week. I also struggle with keeping up with what I'm doing for myself when I see him just doing whatever he wants without any regard for what it might be doing to him (eating three large fried hot dogs for breakfast this morning for instance). It has been difficult over the years to continue with various eating and exercise plans because I get to feeling like I should also be able to eat and do, or not do, whatever I want. I know this is a terrible mentality and have been working diligently to get out of thinking this way, because regardless of what he does I need to be the best that I can be for us. I'd like to have a talk with him but I'm concerned that it will cause more resistance than anything which is why I'm here, I'm hoping that I can get some insight into if there is any way to encourage him without having him feel belittled or attacked, if there even is a way to do that. We made a commitment to each other and when we were younger talked about all the things we would do together in our later years, I'm worried those won't be realized if we don't both get ourselves together, doing those things by myself is nothing to look forward to. He has indicated multiple times in the past that he will not count calories for himself and he will not eat lower fat options for beef and dairy, if I chose to serve them he will not eat and will be noticeably irritated about the meal. (My best results over the years have been with calorie counting and making lower calorie choices with normally high calorie foods like meats and dairy, I have not suggested that he do this himself, merely tried to show how well it works for me when I am doing it and he has always volunteered that ""he won't be that obsessy about food"") He otherwise lives his life as though this is something that would matter to him which makes it extra concerning to me that it doesn't seem to. * **How have you contributed to the problem?** \- I'm sure there are other ways, but I control 5/7 of dinners in the house per week and historically let him fend for himself for breakfast and lunch which is less involvement than I probably should have had. In the past I have definitely nagged him about it and am trying very hard to get away from that as I'm now aware that this is an absolutely terrible way to approach. * **How long has this been an issue?** \- off and on for at least ten years, we do better for a while and both lose some weight then get lax again and gain it back. * **What have you done to resolve this problem?** \- we have spoken in the past, sometimes better received than others, none that have caused him to make any consistent changes. Since trying to approach this partnership from an RP perspective I've been attempting to just model better behavior in the hope that it will inspire him to follow suit, taking care of my own end, and I picked up making him breakfast and lunch 5 days a week. **If married or in a committed, monogamous relationship:** * **How long have you been together?** \- together 19 years, married 13 * **Is your relationship long-distance?** \- no * **Do you have an active bedroom life?** \- It could be more active, though since coming to the RP side I have been making a conscious effort to initiate more and not refuse his initiation, and I do believe that the problem I'm asking about does correlate somewhat to our bedroom life.",,10,cathatesrudy,2022-04-10 20:15:36 RedPillWives,tzwsms,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,3,blushingoleander,2022-04-09 16:30:10 RedPillWives,typlbu,I’m grateful for this group.,"I’ve been posting on and off for the last 3-4 years. I think at some point I changed my username. I’ve been trying to decide when is the right time to post, but after what happened this evening - I thought now would be perfect. As some (most) of you know, I’ve been in a seriously rough patch in my marriage for the last 4+ years. Starting with my husband having a prolonged OCD/panic/anxiety episode into him being very unhappy with the dynamic in our marriage. I was upset with the lack of affection and his anger toward me. And I think I can honestly say that we’ve turned a corner and things are much better. We had something of a truce for the last year or two. Less arguing, getting along much better. But there was always that something missing. We rarely had sex (typically initiated by me). But the last 2 months or so I can tell something shifted. He’s definitely softened toward me. Today I had a bad day. I’ve worked really hard to not “emotionally vomit” all over my husband as I know it’s overwhelming to him. But between my period starting and just being overwhelmed with kid stuff, work stuff, etc - I had a little meltdown. He didn’t get annoyed or upset. When he got home from work, I asked about his day. He talked for a little bit and then he said - how was your day? I said, “I think you know since I texted you a bunch, sorry”. He said, “I know, but I wanted to know how you were.” Let me tell you, ladies. That seems small, but for me and for us it was big. There’s lots of other little things that I can see coming together and changing. My journey has consisted of me: - growing up - growing in my faith - taking responsibility for my crap - getting professional help & medication - prayer - patience - A LOT of keeping my mouth shut (but also knowing when to speak up) - forgiveness - respecting my husband We’ve gotten in arguments and my husband will comment, “oh I’m sure if you go online and talk to those feminist groups your in, they’ll say I’m the bad guy.” To which I have replied, “absolutely not - they hold me accountable. The first thing they ask when I whine about not having sex is: ‘okay what have you done to fix/cause this problem’” While I haven’t taken all the advice I’ve gotten, it’s always made me think. So I’m glad for this group. Thanks. As for resources that helped me immensely: The Excellent Wife (very religious), anything by Laura Doyle, the book of James and Susan Heck’s Bible study on James, Jordan Peterson, and I’m sure others I can’t think of right now.",,30,anothergoodbook,2022-04-07 23:17:33 RedPillWives,txkjkf,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,5,blushingoleander,2022-04-06 12:01:08 RedPillWives,tv3byj,Great new homemaking YouTube channel - GWEN,"Less than 3K subscribers so far, but it's a gem -- more people should check her out. Great perspectives. Found her while searching for childless homemaker. [https://youtu.be/SRYbgxHmP-k](https://youtu.be/SRYbgxHmP-k)",,20,rosebyanyothername1,2022-04-03 07:02:33 RedPillWives,tumu6z,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,2,blushingoleander,2022-04-02 16:30:09 RedPillWives,tu2bvo,Faith based or spiritual weight loss?,"I was wondering if any of you ladies have taken a faith based approach to weight loss and seen any success. I know the basis is CICO but I really struggle with my impulse control and stress eating mostly. I am desperate at this point, and you ladies on here know the importance of keeping up with your feminine appearance. I’m starting to feel really frustrated and angry with myself because I don’t feel like my boyfriend deserves this. I want to be better for him but I keep making terrible decisions. I also struggle with my gluttony making me a “bad” woman. It’s sinful for obvious reasons but there’s also the added feeling of betraying my partner. I was just wondering if any of you ladies have any spiritual or religious protocols that help with your weight loss?",,15,heelsarecasualwear,2022-04-01 21:40:20 RedPillWives,ts4ukd,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,7,blushingoleander,2022-03-30 12:01:09 RedPillWives,try0uk,Hiring Cleaning Services?," So I am a married mom of 3 kids, married for 16 years and I’ve always been a stay at home mom. This year my youngest started going to school full time(first grade), and I started feeling bored at home and kind of lonely being by myself all day so I got a little job for something to do/a way to socialize with people. I love it and I am able to take my kids to school, pick them up and be home whenever they are, so I work really good hours. But I am starting to feel overwhelmed with my house. It seems like I just can’t keep up with the cleaning. I’ve always done everything in the house because my husband works a lot but I feel like I am really failing in the cleaning department. My kids are old enough to help but I feel like all I am doing is nagging everyday for them to help. A friend of mine told me she feels the same way and hired a cleaning service to help her out once in a while and for a while I’ve been considering doing the same. I’ve never hired cleaning services before but I messaged a cleaning company that I’ve heard good things about and I have an appointment tomorrow! I just kind of feel a little bad about it, like kind of embarrassed that I am hiring someone to come clean my house. Do any of you here ever hire people to help out with cleaning your home? I am hoping after tomorrow, I can better stay on top of things and teach my kids how to help out a little more.",,8,sunflowergirls85,2022-03-30 04:13:33 RedPillWives,tr0hrc,Help with emotions,"Background: Married 15 years w/4 kids, work part time outside the home. We have strived for a traditional looking marriage over the years and mostly failed at that (me submitting to him mostly which caused a lot of anger towards me, understandably). He had gotten into redpill ideas a little bit on the last few year, but he saw how angry it made him and it was feeding his bitterness so he stopped listening to them as much. He still holds to some of the ideas redpill offers. We’re both Christians so some of it is the overlap of gender roles and differences between men and women. The lack of sex has been going on for 5 years. The first few of those years were due in part to him having a severe OCD “episode”. And then gradually we drifted apart in that regard due to lots and lots of arguing. The last 2 years we’ve been really working on our relationship. Sex still being something I would like more of (if it were up to him, we’d have sex maybe once a month). He has told me he just isn’t interested in sex and does not look at me sexually anymore (we used to have a very active sex life prior to 5 years ago). We are not long distance. As for the problem: I’ve had a hard time with emotional regulation for most of my life. My son has ADHD and I often wonder if I’m the same. I’ve started therapy and medication. It’s fluctuated in my adult life (for most of which I have been married). When things are relatively calm - throw something emotional at me and I can handle it like a pro. Pile things up (kid tantrums, lack of sleep, PMS, etc) and I’m a mess. One other thing I have trouble with is tunnel vision. I tend to see things as either/or and have trouble seeing different options. One pattern in my marriage is this no sex/argue/sex repeat. There are a myriad of reasons we aren’t having sex. I know my husband is bitter toward me (as per him telling me) because of this disregulation of emotions which was especially bad at the beginning or our marriage. The pattern goes something like this. We go a week (or two) without sex. And no sexual overtures/flirting from him. And typically multiple rejections of any initiation from me. And usually because of schedules we just don’t have much time to have any emotional connections either. This has been going on for 6 months+ in varying degrees and time spans. This begins building up on my side. And then I feel like a pressure cooker of emotions and I crack. I go way overboard with my emotions where I just feel like I emotion vomit all over him. And I’m typically not kind which leads to some sort of big argument. Then the next day or two we have sex. And repeat. It’s been a week now. Multiple rejections and 1 attempt which didn’t pan out because reasons… And I’m feeling rejected, depressed, sad, etc. Which feel like they’re just building because of PMS. I’ve decided to stay in our marriage in the state that it is in. And I’ve been working on a lot of personal healing and growth (hence the therapy and medication). One piece of it is staying open and soft toward my husband in spite of this sex thing. Which is so f-not hard. I’ve been working on forgiveness toward him and being a better wife. Any thoughts on not letting these emotions control me and regaining control? I’m not asking about how to increase our sex life - because 99.99% of advice has not helped. Once my husband gets his mind set one way, it rarely changes. And he get more stubborn the more someone tries to change him. Thanks ❤️",,7,anothergoodbook,2022-03-29 14:04:16 RedPillWives,tqozpk,Non-Obvious Benefits to Staying at Home,"We aren’t all stay-at-home mothers or wives here. But I thought you all might be the group most likely to have thought about these things. We might also be entering a poor economy, and most of these benefits have to do with the inevitability of a SAHM’s or SAHW’s financial state. What have you discovered is an unexpected gift of being a full-time homemaker? Possible benefits: * Simple pleasures are where you draw your fun. Contentment is higher. (A tidy room, a meal at the table, a walk in sunshine, a good used/library book, listening/dancing to music, etc.) * Solidarity with a majority of society. (Wealthy people are sometimes rejected or misunderstood by others. Not that it’s fair.) * You are possibly friends with women who share your values, which helps you to be more content as well with living minimally. * Less need to be dressed every single day in an expensive wardrobe that is new. * Living low on the hog. Building a habit for a lifetime, and certainly if she becomes a widow. You can manage your finances. * Less anxiety about losing your standard of living in case of sudden changes or emergencies. * Feeling capable during times of scarcity. You likely have skills to stretch a dollar. * Opportunity to build cooking skills on little money. Example: The French are regarded as a society who became adept at making cheaper food delicious because of necessity. * Focusing on the simple pleasures of a man, the things he desires after he comes home tired after work, or when he’s burned out from decades of a career with little recognition. (A good meal, affection from his woman, and a family who is glad to see him specifically come through the door. The last one is what I have learned recently. What does a man want a majority of the time after working each day? It seems like they are simple things, and it’s been that way for centuries. A wife and mother who is able to be relaxed, contented, happy, with minimal anxiety for the future, and decent with money is likely to bring a man happiness. But who benefits from this more? His woman. I get that there are definite drawbacks to being at home. Potential stress about money, feeling down or bored, feeling insecure about what you do not have, pressure from society or family or even your spouse to earn money. Probably more. I do understand these cons. But we do not need excess in order to be happy in the moment. Most of us want these things too, whether we are men or women. It just means that women can provide these simple pleasures at home that are sustainable for several decades or more.",,18,oliveshoot,2022-03-29 01:54:13 RedPillWives,tpmysm,My husband and I are getting divorced... I’d love some advice on healing.,"My husband told me again that he feels no attraction to me and wants a divorce. This has been an ongoing issue that never seems to fully resolve, even when i think we’ve made it past it.. so, I guess I knew it was coming, but I still feel devastated by this. I’m heartbroken and embarrassed and I just feel so lost. I believe in marriage and never even considered divorce an option. At the same time, a part of me is relieved in a way. It’s been so exhausting to constantly try to “fix” myself for someone who continuously reminds me that I’m not enough, to walk on egg shells all the time, to be constantly ridiculed by the person i love most, and I’m just... I’m so tired. I would love any and all advice or hope that you want to share. I know this doesn’t entirely fit the theme of the subreddit but I feel like you all are some of the only people who will truly understand... most have a “screw them” mentality, and I never have. I’ve utilized so many teachings in this community trying to improve things. I may have failed at saving my marriage but I hope I can still use those teachings for myself... I’d just love some hope. I feel so broken right now. Context... I’m 27. We’re going to be living together for the next few months while I find other arrangements. No kids (thank god). I’m not currently working but I’m looking/applying. I have a *lot* of healing to do, because this relationship has left me with a lot of trauma to unpack... Thank you for any words of wisdom and just for reading this far. 🥺",,24,cheaperthantherapyyy,2022-03-27 16:03:45 RedPillWives,towoma,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,2,blushingoleander,2022-03-26 16:30:10 RedPillWives,tkscb8,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,4,blushingoleander,2022-03-23 12:01:08 RedPillWives,tj8q9x,Reducing Work Hours as a Wife,"Hey Ladies ~ I've been married for about a year and a half. I work full time at a hospital and between my commute and my long work hours, I'm away from the home working about 50 hours a week. Because of this, I end up having to rush home and prepare meals for my husband in the evening and spend most Saturdays doing laundry and cleaning my home. My husband does help me out and is understanding, but lately we have been discussing the option of me leaving my current position for a PRN role, which would reduce my hours to about 24-30 hours per week, and it would be at a hospital that is much closer to our house. I am a little worried about the social stigma that will come along with this. We have no children, and a lot of friends and family members have echoed that since we are young we should work and make as much money as we can. But, I know that this lifestyle shift to me having more time at home to cook, clean, run errands, manage the finances, ect would improve both me and my husband's quality of life. Have any of you done this? What advice do you have? How did you present yourself at job interviews for part time/PRN work?",,35,Exciting_Village_809,2022-03-21 10:32:40 RedPillWives,tizv2q,What does an average day or week of your relationship look like?,"My husband and I are having a disagreement about how most couples (who live together) spend their time/live their lives, so in terms of your relationship... what does an average day/week look like for you? Also, how long have you been together/lived together (for context)? I’m mostly looking for how often you spend time together, both intentional (shared interests, dates, etc.) or unintentional (doing chores together, doing separate things in proximity to one another, etc.). Thank you.",,8,cheaperthantherapyyy,2022-03-21 01:09:59 RedPillWives,thywtj,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,6,blushingoleander,2022-03-19 16:30:09 RedPillWives,tg16ri,it’s not a normal RPW post but this girl just landed her alpha and she’s sooo excited 🥰 when’s the last time you looked at your wedding stuff???,,https://youtu.be/VBdpWHtVnRI,8,xmissbdub,2022-03-17 03:47:04 RedPillWives,tfg102,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,8,blushingoleander,2022-03-16 12:01:09 RedPillWives,teqmaf,"hi there fellow beautiful women. i am a new fan /obsessed with Laura doyle and I read her book ""the empowered wife"", i was looking for fellow non-judgmental women willing to create a free surrender circle on discord??",,,12,toto332,2022-03-15 14:45:27 RedPillWives,tcnwxe,"Dear fellow red pill women, I have a question! now there is an amazing man who I’m dating but I’m not sure how to tell him I want to be a traditional wife. My mom was a homemaker and possibly I’d love to be one as well. How did you fellow women told this to your partners?",,,13,Hopecreatesmagic,2022-03-12 18:42:39 RedPillWives,tclx6i,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,5,blushingoleander,2022-03-12 17:30:11 RedPillWives,tadqc9,"Lol, isn’t this Laura Doyle’s advice???",,/r/toddlers/comments/tacwdd/toddler_says_i_cant_every_time_shes_asked_to_do/,19,lookylolo,2022-03-09 18:06:25 RedPillWives,ta7a5c,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,5,blushingoleander,2022-03-09 13:01:08 RedPillWives,t8qns0,"Mothers, are you worried your role model position is being tainted by various forms of media telling your daughter to ""otherwise""",Young girls are in a much more compromising situation than we were at their age.,,32,RookeyReviews,2022-03-07 14:40:51 RedPillWives,t7edo4,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,11,blushingoleander,2022-03-05 17:30:11 RedPillWives,t4ysvi,What are the most important characteristics you vet for when dating for marriage?,"The title explains it essentially, I'm curious what advice you could give me on my search for an assertive and trad man :).",,22,Spacechicken1998,2022-03-02 12:11:48 RedPillWives,t4zndx,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,2,blushingoleander,2022-03-02 13:01:10 RedPillWives,t22bzv,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,8,blushingoleander,2022-02-26 17:30:13 RedPillWives,szgxq4,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,11,blushingoleander,2022-02-23 13:01:18 RedPillWives,swf77p,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,8,blushingoleander,2022-02-19 17:30:15 RedPillWives,suydwu,What fictional character inspired you to embrace your femininity/reject feminism?,"What fictional female (or male👀) character made you realize the errors in modern feminism? Who spurred you in your journey to become feminine? Do you have a favorite fictional role model?",,6,RookeyReviews,2022-02-17 20:25:24 RedPillWives,suyzb3,What can wives do to encourage spending quality time with their husband?,,,6,iHkg31f3,2022-02-17 20:50:51 RedPillWives,stvcz7,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,6,blushingoleander,2022-02-16 13:01:13 RedPillWives,st5awg,My defensive walls are ruining the potential for a good relationship..,"Ladies.. This has been the struggle of my life. I’m a 26 year old female, mostly single but have been trying to open up and start dating seriously roughly a year and a half ago. I had a tough childhood where my parents where pretty push and pull, we always moved a lot so a strong foundation hasn’t been present in my life. To sum it up my life has been in constant motion so I’m always in protection mode to help myself from what’s coming around the corner. I’ve really dragged this baggage into my relationships. I have anxiety about how the other person is feeling about me all the time. I feel like a single sentence out of my mouth could be the end of a relationship, that the person could flip immediately and drop me. So I am on constant defense mode. As it progresses the man will start to notice and they don’t enjoy the wall that’s present. I don’t know if you ladies have any advice on how to be more “open” with the person you are seeing. How do you dissolve past stresses/traumas and present yourself in a good fashion in front of a potential partner?",,14,United-Joke8871,2022-02-15 15:20:48 RedPillWives,sr94jd,Staying Together for the Kids,deleted,,16,safeashore1992,2022-02-13 03:36:53 RedPillWives,sqwliu,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,3,blushingoleander,2022-02-12 17:30:13 RedPillWives,sq44b8,"Help: I've made a lot of mistakes; will my husband ever be okay, or did I break the relationship?","**Hmm** Ladies, I am experiencing a substantial emotional crisis over this, and I feel like I have no one in the real life that I can talk to— in my experience people’s advice is either unsupportive (it’s all that “you go girl! You need to do what makes YOU happy and not worry about anyone else!”) or that people just cannot relate to my outlook/goals in life (RP stuff). This is my first time posting here, I read the rules and hopefully this is okay. Please know I am just very desperate and feel so hopeless about things ever being okay. ———————————————— TL;DR ———————————————— Husband and I had tumultuous marriage, with 2 separations, during which times I cheated and he did not. He got RP’d during our second period of separation and wanted to stay together. We have both changed drastically since this time, but he is having significant emotional struggles because of my behavior in the past. Is there any way I can help him, and will it ever get better? ———————————————— Questions from Rules ———————————————— &#x200B; * How old are you (and how old is your partner) and how familiar are you with RPW? * 32/33; comfortably familiar * What is your relationship status? * Married since 2009 * What is the problem? (Don’t badmouth your SO!) * TL;DR above and detailed problem below * How have you contributed to the problem? * Same as above * How long has this been an issue? * Same as above * What have you done to resolve this problem? * I’ve tried to do anything he has asked and more, but I feel desperately hopeless to help him at this point If married or in a committed, monogamous relationship: * How long have you been together? * Since 2008 * Is your relationship long-distance? * No * Do you have an active bedroom life? * Intermittently ———————————————— The Background ———————————————— I come from a broken household (father chronically cheating, drinking, etc; mother was actually very faithful and put up with everything to raise her kids) and at 16 ended up in a relationship with someone almost 10 years older. I did not lose my virginity, but we did a lot more than I wanted to; it was an abusive relationship and I was afraid of him for the year or so that we were together. At 17, I met my husband; we ended up dating when I was 18. He was a virgin, and we did fool around while dating. Admittedly, we both professed that we did not want to due to our Christian beliefs, and we both went further than we would have liked. Reflecting back, I think I was pushing for physical intimacy out of my own insecurities, and he holds this against me at present. The dynamic of our relationship was sadly typical: we both worked full time, I went back to college for my Master’s, we did not have a particularly healthy relationship due to immaturity, limited support, and misguided life goals. I experienced a lot of rejection and what seemed to be contempt from my husband, and did not understand why, which fueled poor behavior on my part, and continued unhealthy patterns. I learned years later he was addicted to porn, which negatively impacted our sex life (and thus my emotional life) and every time he tried to stop using, he would put the burden of it on me (i.e. if he would use while I was at work, he would say it was my fault because I did not call to check up on him). We ended up with that dreaded dynamic where I felt like I had to be his mother, I had little respect for him, and I know he resented me for a lot of my behaviors. We had so many problems, I suggested therapy a few times, he always refused. I ended up asking for a divorce, he also refused. In my misguided 24 year old mind, I believed if I did something drastic, he would see the error of his ways and we cold work on things— so I moved out. Unsurprisingly, this infuriated him, which I did not understand at all at the time. I genuinely believe I was showing him how serious I was about trying to make it work. Instead, whatever resentment he had towards me exploded and I saw no hope of us getting back together. I spent the next few months experimenting with drugs, alcohol, and strange men like a total degenerate. It was a very bad time, I ended up suicidal and just a mess of a person. After about a year apart, my husband and I started spending time together again, and decided to give it another go. During our time apart, he got into RP and followed his moral convictions that he should try to work on his marriage. During our time apart, he worked through a lot of his porn problems and remained untouched by another woman. After 2 years back together, old habits were back in full swing. I was pursing my career, things that I thought made me valuable as a person, and we got back into the routine of me having little respect for him, being his mom, and he was back in to porn, and he became so unhappy as a person that he became just plain mean. I became arrogant and felt like I was too good for this, and did not need to put up with being so “mistreated” and ended up having an affair over a span of a few months. During that period, he began to RP hard. He became a totally changed man. Drastically, completely, a new person. I felt like I had dug myself too deep into a hole at this point; I had rationalized when we were separated, we were both sleeping with other people (I found girls pants at his house, and another toothbrush, so I assumed— he says its not true, there was not another woman). This time, I was patently unfaithful while we were living in the same house. We were sleeping in different bedrooms, but what I did was abhorrent. I knew our relationship was over because of my actions, so I planned to move out so we could both move on with our lives. I got a place an hour away and moved everything, and was staying my last weekend in our house. At this point, he asked me not to move out and to stay. I told him about the affair; he said he knew, and wanted me to stay anyway. From this point forward, everything about us changed. He was totally red pilled, and I was willing to do whatever he wanted or needed in the relationship. Over the next few years, I pretty much got out of the work force, we converted to a pretty conservative religion, we adopted 2 young relatives that needed a home, and had 2 children of our own. There have definitely been periods of struggles, but for the most part, we function as unit and look like we are doing well. ———————————————— The Current Situation ———————————————— I am fully repentant of the poor choices I have made in our relationship. I was selfish, short-sighted, and hurtful in the things that I did, and I don’t feel like I deserve my husband. I fall short a lot as a person, I have a lot of things I need to continue to work on, and I am not always an easy partner in life. I really do try, and I am accepting of feedback from my husband, and I am willing to make pretty much any change he wants or asks of me. Regardless, I understand that no amount of behaviors today can change my behaviors in the past, and I have caused my husband a lot of pain. A lot. I have 2-fold problem; one is selfish and one is not. The selfish one, is that every time our past is brought up, it is always 100% my fault. I understand that I absolutely made the worst moves in the relationship, but I feel like there is an element of things that aren’t fair— like him accusing me of knowing what I was doing at 17 by wanting to cross physical boundaries (I was no where near that cunning, I was just wanting to feel wanted in a broken way) or him not really acknowledging how his constant rejection of me or lack of willingness to be any type of leader impacted our relationship dynamic. I feel like it is unhealthy for the entire burden of problems of a relationship to be on one person, but I also feel like there is really no way for me to communicate that because everything I did is so much worse than anything he did. I feel like he holds on to this and it fuels a lot of resentful towards me. Additionally, it is so incredibly hurtful that he tells me he got my first boyfriends “sloppy seconds” and that he finds me repulsive often because of things in my past. Do I need to just accept this, because I deserve it, and let this be how things are whenever our past comes up? That being said, does anyone have any advice on what I can do to help him through this? I feel like I am doing whatever I can to support his wants and needs, but I know there is always room for improvement. The other thing I am wondering is: is there even a chance for him to heal? Or did I do so much damage that he is going to have to suffer through my choices the rest of his life? I feel so helpless and hopeless, and I feel like literally no one can relate to this situation. He tells me that there is no one in the world that gets a second chance like me, and every other man would have left their wives, and rightly so, and that I need to understand how hard this is, and always will be, for him. Is there any hope, or do I just need to suck it up, put my head down, and accept things for how they are? Thanks for anything. This is the first time I have ever really told my story to anyone in all of these years.",,22,Desperate2makeitw0rk,2022-02-11 17:02:02 RedPillWives,sp6oeb,Laura Doyle (Surrendered Circle),"I’ve just recently discovered Laura Doyle’s books (The Surrendered Wife, The Empowered Wife) as well as her podcast, which is what led me to discover this group. I’m a very private person, so much so that I barely feel comfortable to talk about my husband with friends or family for fear that it could give off the wrong impression (a negative one). In other words I’m fiercely protective of him, but lately I’ve been feeling the need for some support as a means of self-care. I have plenty of irl friends, but none that I’d like to discuss my husband or any of our recent dissonance with (not to complain to; just seeking to improve myself). So, all that being said, I saw a post from nearly a year ago about a “Surrendered Circle” group on Discord, but I wondered if it was still around or if there’s interest in starting up a new one?",,23,keepingsecrets-,2022-02-10 13:30:12 RedPillWives,sod1s0,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,2,blushingoleander,2022-02-09 13:01:11 RedPillWives,so40rh,Just a quick question: What books are you all reading?,What books are you all reading? Any good recommendations? I didn’t see any books or reading material in the “About” section.,,10,[deleted],2022-02-09 04:00:46 RedPillWives,sm0hhu,No plus one?,"A mutual friend couple are having a destination wedding in September. My husband is considering (read: will be) going alone due to finances. He expressed concerns about how costly the trip will be for a family of 4 to which I responded “I hear you and I see your concern. I’m saying what’s in my heart and what I would love. And if your concern is money (which is valid) I’m asking can I help you address your concern” the next morning he still is insistent on him going alone is what it’ll have to be/make the most financial sense. 1. I’m very disappointed obviously 2. There are no financial constraints when it comes to friends (he just returned from a weekend trip with friends that was not planned ahead) 3. To address his concern if I work one extra shift before September that would address the financial aspect of the trip with no change or negative impact to where we currently are financially. I did suggest this to him (I know I know bring your captain your problem!) and he still wants to go alone to a tropical wedding of our friends. How do I express my disappointment graciously and respectfully? Any tips or guidance you ladies have? Edit: he returned to the topic on his own and we’re now booked for the wedding.",,11,meowwrn,2022-02-06 16:18:21 RedPillWives,slcbpe,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,6,blushingoleander,2022-02-05 17:30:10 RedPillWives,sjbezz,How do I find married female friends like y’all in the wild?,,,33,iHkg31f3,2022-02-03 05:50:07 RedPillWives,sio4ph,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,9,blushingoleander,2022-02-02 13:01:12 RedPillWives,sfmzwz,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,5,blushingoleander,2022-01-29 17:30:11 RedPillWives,sd5gwe,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,5,blushingoleander,2022-01-26 13:01:20 RedPillWives,sa7gtk,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,6,blushingoleander,2022-01-22 17:30:16 RedPillWives,sa5ony,The “You’re not entitled to sex” attitude,"Hey so I’m a guy in a relationship. Don’t know if I’m allowed to post here, but I genuinely want to hear red pill womens take in this. I completely agree that no one is entitled to someone’s body or sex at its core. Somebody can say no whenever they want, and there needs to be consent. Here is my problem though. It seems as if this “your not entitled” attitude is most applied to situations that have nothing to do with entitlement. Like sorry Becky, but your bf or husband isn’t some entitled asshole for asking for sex more than once every 2 weeks. He isn’t an asshole for being disappointed if you rejected him every-time he has asked for the past 3 weeks. (Assuming he objectively isn’t being an annoying ass about it) I just feel as thought Reddit has become a place for a lot of self serving radical ideals. It’s funny because this advice doesn’t seem to apply to women. If women aren’t getting sex, they are encouraged to leave. Men are encouraged to figure it out. Which brings me to my next point. Some women do indeed have responsive desires. You see this on subs like r/deadbedrooms or r/sex. I understand women have a different type of sex drive than men. But it shouldn’t take a man having to do all of the emotional and physical leg work just to get you to be aroused and intimate. I feel there is a difference from “hey I’d really like flowers every once and a while”, than “I need the stars and the moon of Saturn to align while you dance like a monkey for 3 weeks straight, just to consider being open to having sex next month.” It seems as though most people who claim to have a “responsive” desire don’t actually take responsibility for it, but instead just have a low sex drive and don’t want to admit it. Or the husband became a fat slob who eats chips off his belly and doesn’t help around the house. I really want to know y’all’s take. What’s y’all’s position in sex for a marriage? How often should you have it? Shouldn’t both parties be up for a more spontaneous sex and romantic life? Ps. The sex and romantic life between me and my gf is great. I do what I can to show her i love her.",,5,TallSwaggOVO,2022-01-22 16:07:30 RedPillWives,s94i7v,Dealing with family and friends who do not agree with lifestyle,"Hi ladies! I am glad I found this group. My husband and I are both 33 and have been married for almost 5 years. During the beginning of our relationship I worked but after we married I became a full time homemaker. This has come with great backlash from family and friends alike. If these women downing my lifestyle are feminist aren't they supposed to be supportive of whatever I want to do? I am very frugal and low maintenance and actually have a remote part time job but at this point I don't want to even tell anyone about it after the years of ""why doesn't she have a job?"" My job has been all things homemaking and taking care of my husband not to mention taking care of myself because if I am happy then he is happy. I try not to give any follow up when people ask what I do and I proudly respond that I am a homemaker. It is always followed by awkward silence and a blank stare on the askers face. Or jokes about ""what is this the 1950s"" or ""well then what do you do all day""....UGH. Any advice on how to handle this topic with others. Thanks! &#x200B; \*Context\* I came into the marriage debt free. We do not have children. No student loans, credit cards, and my car is paid off. My husband has a good job. We aren't wealthy but get by just fine. This was a mutual agreement to be traditional from the jump.",,20,Choice-String-5691,2022-01-21 06:40:23 RedPillWives,s837rp,I (18F) want to support my date (18m) but I’m worried he doesn’t want me!,"I am an 18F and I want to ask you all how you deal with a partner who doesn’t want to communicate with you. My date (18M) doesn’t communicate much through text. The problem is that he also has a grandma that has cancer and I want to support him. I want to be there for him, but idk if he really wants me or not. He also hasn’t planned another date yet at all. I’m worried to leave this man because he is the only one that I have and I don’t think there are any men who want to date me. Any advice on what I should do?",,13,[deleted],2022-01-19 22:59:20 RedPillWives,s7pn7i,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,5,blushingoleander,2022-01-19 13:01:11 RedPillWives,s4pdt9,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,6,blushingoleander,2022-01-15 17:30:15 RedPillWives,s25qop,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,6,blushingoleander,2022-01-12 13:01:14 RedPillWives,rz519t,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,2,blushingoleander,2022-01-08 17:30:19 RedPillWives,rxouyt,"Advice for being more attractive to my husband, while in a body he’s not entirely attracted to?","Confusing title... I have a fair bit of weight to lose, which I’m working on doing. Of course. However, that is something that takes time, and I really want to do things to work on sex/attraction *now*, things I can do immediately to increase my husband’s attraction to me. For context, I am 26, my husband is 35. We are both heavy but working on getting in better shape. In the beginning of our relationship, the sex was off the charts for us both. His sex drive suffered due to life stress, and the feelings of rejection were a big struggle for me. Mentally, I fear rejection and don’t feel sexually attractive anymore. I struggle a lot with that. **Can anybody give me advice for being attractive/sexual *now*, as I am, even if my body is less than ideal?** I know the obvious... keep my hair done, light mascara, nails painted, cute clothes, etc., but anything more specific. Like, attitude, how to talk to him, ways to flirt, ways to initiate without initiating (he doesn’t like anything “aggressive” or overtly sexual... he’s very traditional and likes to be the one pursuing, but I don’t quite know how to inspire him to pursue me lol). Again, a lot of this came easy the first two years we were together, but now my self esteem has taken such a blow over the years that I don’t know how to be who I once was sexually... I’d love some help/advice. I want to feel sexy/attractive to my husband. I want to feel desired by him. Anything would help!",,42,cheaperthantherapyyy,2022-01-06 21:01:28 RedPillWives,rwwtzv,Are There Any Good Dating Apps/Websites?,"Hello, I'm a young woman (F 20) and am looking for a likeminded man. I've been working on self-improvement and homemaking skills, but most of my social circles are women, and have been struggling to find community events due to the pandemic, but have still been trying to get out to places related to religion and my interests to hopefully meet people. I am feeling a bit frustrated, so I was wondering if dating apps or websites are worth it? I don't think a site like tinder would fit our lifestyles, but at the same time, do apps like bumble or hinge have a different vibe? Is a site like eharmony or match that may work better or are they dead?",,13,Weak_Distribution302,2022-01-05 21:04:40 RedPillWives,rwmehr,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,2,blushingoleander,2022-01-05 13:01:14 RedPillWives,rtnyw2,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,5,blushingoleander,2022-01-01 17:30:19 RedPillWives,rr7onm,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,7,blushingoleander,2021-12-29 13:01:15 RedPillWives,rp2723,Don't know what to do anymore. I need help!,"This is a throwaway, since just need your help with this situation I am in, and my husband knows my main account. So where do I start with this... A few years ago, I (29) married my now husband (31) after getting reunited after a very long break which I thought would never happen. He's almost perfect. He's handsome, tall, strong, and smart (he's a high school teacher and student counselor) I have been lurking here for a few months and I was surprised that there were so many other women out there doing nearly everything that I was doing in my marriage, whether it is to let him lead and take charge and to support him in times of need (not like he ever needed it, or ever showed it really) I do have a few complaints about how he does things, though. Whenever I tell him to lead and make the choices around the household, he gives up and agrees only to then defer the choices and decisions to me if I were available and had an input on it, and he's not usually like that around others. He's more dominant and less of a pushover when it comes to his work or if there is an injustice happening right in front of him, but a totally care-free guy with me, letting all of my mistakes and actions pass. I even broke one of his (deceased) mother's prized china dishes and he just walked over, picked up the pieces, and threw them into the bin. There is also the issue of having children where he's infertile and cannot father any children, so I had to resign myself to the fate of being child-less. (I didn't mind at the time, but as the years go on I just feel like I am missing out) Even when it comes to sex, I am the one who initiates everything (I am the one who proposed as well, if that helps) He never makes a move of his own and I have to basically either tell him we're doing it tonight or dress in a provocative way to entice him to do something. Although he does kiss, hug and complement every once in a while if he felt like it. Even his mood and emotions are kinda off. He never truly gets angry or he doesn't really show it at all. Even under huge amounts of stress, he doesn't break or even budge. I'd argue he performs better under stress, sometimes. He's 31 now, but even when he was 27 or younger, he acted way more mature for his age. However, I believe he's the way he is because of his troubled past. When I talked to his father a few weeks after we got married, he was extremely surprised that his son decided to get into another relationship, let alone get married. When I asked why, he told me he had a short relationship with a colleague during his university days where she kept love bombing him only to then walk on her not with one, or two, but with three different men on his bed in his tiny studio apartment. I would have sworn off men if a guy did this to me as well, but things was even worse for him before... According to his father, my husband believes that he is the reason why his mother died, and blames himself for it. His dad told me that when my husband was around 9 year old, he was tapping her arm and distracting her while she was driving and caused her to get into the accident that caused her death, while he was fine with only a few scratches that disappeared with time. When I asked him about those two incidents he usually either stays silent or just says ""Its my fault. And its my past, not yours"" while rubbing my head with a kind smiling face. Every time he makes that face, I just want to grab him and never let him go ever again! &#x200B; But... If there wasn't any problems I wouldn't be posting here, so there is a second half to this: Ever since we got married, I found myself not doing much during the morning when he's out teaching, so I decided to take a part-time job at a newly opened cafe (at the time) nearby. Around a year ago, a guy moved into our town and started frequenting the cafe and tried to make a move on me, despite the fact that he saw my ring. At first I shot him down, but even now he still hasn't given up. Now I know its not even a good idea to even think about him at all, especially if doing so might end up ruining my marriage, but the thing is... I don't even know what to do anymore. Two months ago, one of the other servers ended up leaving suddenly without a notice or a replacement so I decided it wouldn't change much to take another shift for a few days or a week or two (unfortunately, that turned to into a month, and everything went to hell) I worked longer hours than my husband did during that month and, despite my promises to manage the house, clean, and cook, had to leave it behind to help in the cafe, but he didn't protest or complain or anything. He keep the house cleaner than I ever could somehow, and he cooked all the meals, even waking up earlier than I used to so that he'd let me sleep and to cook breakfast for the both of us! (I doubt I even add any value to his life, and that feeling might just be another factor in this whole situation) The other guy who kept hitting on me started stay for longer, knowing my longer shifts. He tried to rope me into conversations, telling me about his work, his wealth, his status (all higher and better than my husband) He even drove a really nice car to the cafe to show off a bit (I don't know anything about cars and we don't have one either) I believe at some point I started changing the way I looked at him. And perhaps that change rubbed off the wrong way on me, and one day when I came back home, I started an argument with my husband for the first time since we got together again. I don't even remember the reason, or the topic, or why I was so angry, but I just didn't feel like he was doing enough, or wasn't doing it right, or something... I don't even know anymore. Although my husband is a better man, this guy was chasing me. He wanted me, unlike my husband's reactive desire for me. The fact that I was the one who chased my husband doesn't probably help because I learned a few months ago that women aren't supposed to chase, and I am starting to believe that is true. When thinking about it for a while, I also noticed one more thing; I could still have a family with that guy. He's not my husband so he's likely able to father children. And if he's as rich as he shows off to be, I don't think I have to worry about money at all in that case. Please... help me here. What should I do?! I even almost got into his car once before my brain started screaming and had a meltdown! &#x200B; Edit: I think I just made the biggest mistake of my life. I am so sorry for everything. I can't believe I did it. Please forgive me, everyone.",,7,[deleted],2021-12-26 18:03:11 RedPillWives,ron45a,How to submit / let him lead when it comes to parenting?,"Letting my husband lead is super easy almost all the time; he's a very competent and doting man. But in the first year of marriage, we had many tearful arguments about expectations for my 12-year-old stepson. He truly has some of the worst manners I've seen -- from embarrassing behaviors at social gatherings (i.e. shouting/reaching over people, complaining about a gift instead of saying thank you, being mean to little kids) to rudeness at home (i.e. calling his dad stupid, calling me a ""hideous old hag"") to really poor hygiene and life skills (i.e. wearing the same clothes without showering for a week, refusing to do basic chores like dishes). The reality is that probably 80% of his behaviors at 12 are things my 4-year-old knows better than to do/say, so if I held him to the same rules as our other kids I would literally be correcting him 80% of the time. My husband literally doesn't notice his behaviors, or thinks they're funny, etc, stepson argues with me domineeringly, husband doesn't back me up, tension ensues. So I finally decided to surrender discipline and parenting of my stepson entirely to my husband. I focus on being warm and gentle and loving and I ignore any bad behaviors. I try to appreciate and compliment my stepson, bake treats, do little acts of service, etc. Things have been better overall.... But it's hard. The problems are 1) I can let things go and let things go, but after five days of listening to my stepson steamroll everyone, demand things, and refuse to clean up, my warm gentle feminine soft lovingness is just gone. I end up just sitting there avoiding speaking so I don't snap and WILLING myself to be light and sweet and feminine. 2) I can keep my mouth shut and ignore everything I can, but to truly follow my husband's lead I would have to align with him. I.e. sometimes my stepson will say something that is super rude and insulting, but my husband laughs as if it's cute/funny. I DO NOT find it cute/funny, I find it appalling (see examples above) but I try to make myself smile as if I find it funny too. It feels so fake though and leaves me even more angry inside than before. But it feels horrible to emasculate my husband by showing him even with my nonverbals that i disapprove of his parenting. Either I ruin the mood by being the one person to set a boundary (bitch) or I bite my tongue and instead end up having a cold distant tone without anyone knowing why (bitch) or I somehow MAKE myself be enthusiastically warm/loving/sweet when in reality I feel mad and disrespected. HOW do you surrender around something that feels super charged and that's really negatively affecting you?",,10,Local-Law534,2021-12-26 02:24:27 RedPillWives,rodr9c,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,3,blushingoleander,2021-12-25 17:30:19 RedPillWives,rm4srv,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,2,blushingoleander,2021-12-22 13:01:13 RedPillWives,rjgup6,Engaged Christians & Premarital Sex,"Thank you for any advice. My fiancé and I (both early 30s) are engaged, date is set, we are getting married this summer. Since our engagement, my fiancé is putting a lot of pressure for sex. We are both Christians, I am a virgin, he is not, and waiting is very difficult for both of us. I do not know what to do anymore or who to turn to. I am active in my church, but communicating with other married women there is very challenging because of COVID. Also, not everyone is comfortable talking about sex, regardless of how close they are to you. We do kiss and make out, but are doing our best to stay within boundaries. I now see that his boundaries are moving a lot, since he has more frequently mentioned more sexual activities and cohabitation. In our most recent conversations, I get a sense that not moving my boundaries along closer to his needs leaves him feeling both hurt and disrespected, and that is absolutely not my aim. I am not trying to be frigid, but I know that this is going to be a slippery slope for both of us. However, when I tell him this, he says that my choice for virginity is selfish and was done without considering the man I would end up with. I am far from perfect, 5′ 8, 170 lb, not a looker at all, just lucky to have met my spouse. I go to the gym four times a week, try to live healthy, stay healthy, cook for both of us, pamper him as best as I can. I love my relationship with God, and find that on this issue, I am faltering. I am not the kind of girl that gets offers for relationships frequently, I have no intention to leave him, and I hope that he does not give up on me before our wedding. I love my fiancé dearly and want this to work, but I need help. Thanks for letting me know if you have any suggestions or guidance. **Seeking Advice Q&A** * How old are you (and how old is your partner) and how familiar are you with RPW? both early 30s, 2 years following RPW * What is your relationship status? Engaged. * What is the problem? Problem is as stated above. * How have you contributed to the problem? Trying to stay a virgin, and this is not helping. * How long has this been an issue? Two months (to my knowledge) * What have you done to resolve this problem? Communication, encouraging that I’ll be very eager with sex once the summer comes, and very enthusiastic within the boundaries that we have set. Going all out with preparing fun dates, treating him very well... * If married or in a committed, monogamous relationship: engaged, monogamous and committed. * How long have you been together? 1.5 years * Is your relationship long-distance? Same city * Do you have an active bedroom life? Clearly not active enough.",,9,Turbulent-Library192,2021-12-18 21:17:53 RedPillWives,rjc7rc,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,1,blushingoleander,2021-12-18 17:30:14 RedPillWives,rgylc6,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,3,blushingoleander,2021-12-15 13:01:12 RedPillWives,rgch26,Subtle signs a man isn't HVM,"Since I'm married already, I'm just posting this to foment discussion in this sub (but it can be very useful for single women). What are some subtle signs that a man **is not** a HVM? I'll start by saying something that can be controversial but: liking anime. This one is something I've seen a lot, because I used to love anime/manga. But looking back, no HVM would be into this things. I dropped this habit, thankfully. Another one is liking videogames too much. Gaming for some hours (less than 4) during the whole week is one thing, playing videogames everyday is another. I know this one causes a lot of anger, but my experience tells me that. I can be wrong, though. Your thoughts?",,9,acgs1995,2021-12-14 17:27:01 RedPillWives,rfk5og,Great Hubby,"So my kitchen faucet has had an irritating drip for months. I spoke to a plumber about it and (naturally) he said I'd need to replace the whole unit. My husband works hard and so when he's home I don't pester him about little household things. I purchased a replacement faucet and tried to line up a plumber but they were all prioritizing bigger and more important jobs. My parents moved here last year and my father is retired and quite handy so I finally broke down and asked him if he could come help. He did. Well, it turned out that I didn't have the right replacement faucet after all due to a shipping error. But Dad, being awesome, said ""let's see if we can fix this one!"" I paid attention as he took the faucet apart and found the tiny gaskets that were failing. He didn't have replacement gaskets but noted that if we could file an edge down we could temporarily solve the problem. So using one of my glass nail files, he flattened the warped gaskets and the drip stopped! It was only a temporary fix, but I let him know I could handle getting new gaskets and replacing them myself. Fast forward a couple of weeks, the temporary repair is still working, but I have the replacement gaskets. Ladies, there are some jobs around the house that I call ""butter knife jobs"". They technically fall under the traditionally male responsibility, yet if the only real tool required to fix them is a butter knife, we can step up and do it ourselves. This job was one such job. I could have done it on my own with only a butter knife, but I have a little tool kit with a wrench and a screwdriver. So I gathered my tools to get the job done! Now you might be wondering why I titled this post ""Great Hubby"". Here's why. The day I had allocated time to install the new gaskets, he happened to come home early. He was sitting in his recliner laughing at tiktoks enjoying a rare chance to relax on a workday afternoon. I didn't try to rope him into this traditional honey-do. I didn't sigh or make unnecessary noise to get his notice. I was just doing the job. As I prepped the area, he rose and came over. And here's why he's a great Hubby. He said, ""are you comfortable with this?"" Are you comfortable with this? Ladies, do you understand how amazing that question is? Gentleman lurkers, do you? Sometimes I get irritated by the picture of the traditional wife some RP women and men have. Yes, I was in fact perfectly comfortable with doing that minor repair to MY kitchen' faucet. It was worth my time to attend to how my father repaired the faucet, so that I could be a true RP woman and fix it myself. My husband's question honored me. He acknowledged that I was more than capable to attend to it myself, yet he also showed me love by giving me an out to hand it off to him. To me, this was one of the moments where the potential balance of an RP man and his RP woman was achieved. I chose to complete the work myself. He let me without feeling guilty. Am I comfortable with that? Heck yeah. PS. To the gentlemen lurkers. If you read this far, yes, he got great sex that night. He didn't even have to fix the faucet to do it.",,35,mama_wren,2021-12-13 16:52:15 RedPillWives,rep83f,Is this an overreaction?,"I asked my husband if he was interested in doing anything last night. Sex is a big deal between us at the moment and I’ve dealt with a lot of rejection from him. He came upstairs and laid down next to me and put his hands in my pants. No kissing no anything else. Just put his hand down my pants. After like a minute I just wasn’t into it because…well. He obviously wasn’t into it either. I just said, “you know it’s okay. We really don’t have to do anything”. He said, “I thought you wanted to do something?” It was a little back and forth. And it just stopped. And I went to bed. This morning I’m just feeling upset and brought it up. He said basically that I asked to do something and he did so if I feel upset about it all that it’s on me. He said, “I didn’t even feel like it.” To which I replied, “then please just say that. It was just awkward and weird”. He is all upset saying that I don’t care that he is at least trying and I just want “the plane to wreck”. Is it an overreaction to not just want to be fondled but actually have sex with someone who was wanting to be there?",,21,anothergoodbook,2021-12-12 13:40:13 RedPillWives,re4hh5,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,1,blushingoleander,2021-12-11 17:30:15 RedPillWives,rc0vpy,It's hard to get over feminist indoctrination,"Hi guys! Dija here, I'm a young lady from East Africa. I'm half indian and half arab, so in my community its' not really looked down if you want to be a housewife/homemaker. But I was, for many years, a radfem. They might not tell you, but in radfem circles, they will housewives are treated like shit, bullied, abused, disrespected, the husband is privileged etc. And they mock traditional women as being internalized misogynists etc. So even if a radfem tells you that she/he is fine with you being a homemaker, you'll still feel apprehensive. I'm twenty right now, and I've been with my darling boyfriend for over an year now. We are seeking to engaged before he moves to the US, which is in the next 1-2 years. Also, I told him I want to be a home maker. I want to wake up in the morning and make tea and pancakes for him, I want to make the home warm and cosy for him, I want to make him tea and cookies for when he comes home from work and dinner at night. I want to stay at home taking care of my children. I don't want to work for a grouchy boss in a hostile environment. He tells me he wants to protect me, and provide for me so that I don't ever worry about food or rent or whatever. And he tells wants nothing in return expect me loving him and making the home warm and loving for him. And I will do it to the best of my ability. He treats me like a Queen and would never hurt me. But for some reason I still \*feel\* oppressed by this idea. I have no idea why, but I think it is the feminist indoctrination I underwent. Any tips on how to pluck it out? Does anyone else have these thoughts?",,43,[deleted],2021-12-08 21:01:07 RedPillWives,rbubks,Do you work?," [View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/rbubks)",,1,acgs1995,2021-12-08 15:55:31 RedPillWives,rbqv03,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,0,blushingoleander,2021-12-08 13:01:11 RedPillWives,ra7rma,Creating less stress in the home?,"*How old are you & relationship status?* 37, my husband is 38; married 15 years *What’s the problem?* For the last several years we’ve gone through lots of marriage troubles. But lately my husband just seems testy and like everything I do is wrong. He had the week off from work and he was a totally different person. Seeing this change from irritable, starting arguments, distant guy to holding my hand, smiling sweetly at me, wanting to cuddle, kissing and flirting with me… made me realize that my actions haven’t been the sole problem here. But him being stressed out. He doesn’t seem to see it though. I did mention how wonderful it was to have him home and how much I loved the extra time i had with him. I suppose my question is how do I help facilitate his stress relief? Or make a calming environment at home. *How I contribute to the problem:* I am also very busy and stressed. When I was off work during the pandemic things were similar to the last week. I have suggested that me not working might make things easier at home, but he is hesitant about that being a solution. Since I work weekends, I keep the home tidy during the week, but he and the kids do deeper cleaning on the weekends (which he offered to do). I also often look to him for emotional support and intimacy but I suppose that could be an extra stressor for him (although this week he seemed to want to be really close without me “trying”) *how long has this been happening?* It’s hard to say since we’ve been having issues between us for several years. He claims that he is over that so I guess this specific issue would be the last year or so since he’s been promoted (a lot more on his shoulders at work). *what have I tried?”* Nothing yet as I just noticed this difference in him yesterday. I did text him this morning to tell him how much I loved having him home. *do we have an active bedroom life?”* Not particularly. Probably 2-3 times a month. Our schedules don’t align that well - he will need to go to sleep early on the nights I’m interested and vice versa. He has said that stress has been affecting his libido. I’ve been trying to do more quickies and bj’s to maybe help relieve stress. But he turns me down if it’s too often because he isn’t returning the favor and feels bad. We just had our 15th anniversary. We’ve been together for 16 years.",,13,anothergoodbook,2021-12-06 13:52:48 RedPillWives,r8uj84,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,3,blushingoleander,2021-12-04 17:30:23 RedPillWives,r6e8ls,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,3,blushingoleander,2021-12-01 13:01:12 RedPillWives,r5oiry,Items every wife should have?,"What are some items that make your life better and easy? Christmas is coming, it’s a great opportunity to buy useful things.",,10,acgs1995,2021-11-30 14:31:57 RedPillWives,r54edp,Recommendation for RPW friendly newsletters?,"I’m getting a little burnt out on social media. I mostly visit mom type groups here on Reddit and on the What To Expect App. But theres just too much drama. Women arguing with each other, complaining about their MIL, partners, etc. After a long day with my 18mo I find myself getting wrapped up in it mentally. And I know I need to unwind at the end of the day, not get wound up. I’m looking for recommendations for any daily or weekly emails you ladies enjoy! Anything from fashion and beauty to cooking/cleaning and relationships. Something positive that I can still feel the connection I’m looking for on social. Thanks so much.",,12,lookylolo,2021-11-29 20:09:03 RedPillWives,r3olrq,Date night fights. Help!,"I'm hoping I'll make it through the ""new account"" screen. I'm a long time lurker on my main account but don't want to get doxxed so I made a new account. So I've read the surrendered wife a few times. I try my best to follow Doyle's advice. But I ""relapse"" often to my harpy ways, they slowly creep back in, you know, you justify the one comment as ""necessary advice"" and before you know it you're back at square one. Anywho... I'm back on track again, or trying. One of our most challenging things is date night. We have two kids. Both work full time. So a night together is special. Or I want it to be. But every time he says ""I'm going to take you out this weekend"" he ends up ""panicking"" and asking me to plan it, or ""guide"" him. I try the ""whatever you think"" method but he gets angry with that. The thing is I plan most things. He does the whole""you're better at it"" thing. Which I know some people call weaponized incompetence but I think often it's ""post criticism indecision disorder"" (i just made that up but I'm rolling with it). I just don't know how to get past him getting angry when I try to stop planning everything. Honestly, and maybe I'm over reading it, but he will often just finally pick something that I am CERTAIN I have said I don't like before (IE i don't care for movie dates for date night because that's almost all we do is watch TV/movies every night). Not saying I would rebuke the ideas now but I feel like it's possible he's intentionally testing/baiting me by picking ""dinner at dive bar we both hated the food at and movie we were planning on taking the kids to, there's your date night!"" I tried to say ""sure sounds good"" as lighthearted as I could but this was after hours of him prodding me to tell him what to do/plan. I can never make it out of this stage!!! I can STFU, stop criticizing, express gratitude but the pushback/refusals from handing over control of things, even the finances causes to backslide almost every time. I know Laura Doyle says to expect this backlash initially but for how long? How do I stay sweet and feminine when he is snapping at me "" I JUST ASKED FOR YOUR OPINION?! YOU CAN'T EVEN DO THAT?"" And I *know* there's a time to express my desires when he asks, but my desire is that he just plan the damn date night because ....I'm tired, ladies, tired and ready to give up the reigns. I always end up caving and doing it though. I ended up planning my own birthday hotel/dinner because he ""panicked"". I managed to enjoy myself so no big deal and i didn't make a fuss over it. So should I just plan the damn dates? Give up? He probably wouldn't care about it doing them. He prefers ""board game nights"" with friends (which I loathe) but try to participate when asked! Do I just refuse to budge and keep saying ""whatever you think"" while he rages? Help! Sincerely, DateNightDeadlock (Did anyone else read advice columns compulsively in the paper as a child?) (X-posted to redpillwomen)",,16,softerandsweeter,2021-11-27 22:25:19 RedPillWives,r3ibo2,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,3,blushingoleander,2021-11-27 17:30:12 RedPillWives,r2gc4n,Bruno mars tells it like it is.,,https://youtube.com/shorts/XHap2LRWeNI?feature=share,9,5280airsoft,2021-11-26 06:01:54 RedPillWives,r1iakg,Marriage: good strategy or bad strategy for women? A response to Merav Michaeli’s TedTalk which asserts that marriage is harmful to women.,,https://youtu.be/zwlrXIagGp8,11,QueenAnnesReveng,2021-11-24 23:31:48 RedPillWives,r11alr,Can we talk Christmas?,"How is everyone doing with the fairly imminent arrival? I am sure many of you are doing Thanksgiving, which isnt a thing in the UK, but I wondered what the season will look like for you? What are you struggling with? Is Christmas planning something you love or something you feel is a heavy weight?",,6,HappilyMrs,2021-11-24 09:28:35 RedPillWives,r14olc,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,1,blushingoleander,2021-11-24 13:01:17 RedPillWives,qyadme,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,8,blushingoleander,2021-11-20 17:30:13 RedPillWives,qvyrwq,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,8,blushingoleander,2021-11-17 13:01:15 RedPillWives,qt5x75,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,5,blushingoleander,2021-11-13 17:30:09 RedPillWives,qqtwov,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,1,blushingoleander,2021-11-10 13:01:15 RedPillWives,qqco70,"New here, a little lost, finding my way...","Hi, I'm Rose. Somehow, I've found myself here through a strange and confusing path. I'm in my early 30s, married over 2 years. I've long held traditional views, and throughout my 20s, I was always the one fantasizing about marriage and suburbia while my peers were travelling and partying. I've always been a feminine girl, and prefer for men to be dominant, take the lead and look after their ladies. I'm also an educated professional, with a good income living in one of those urban, educated and 'progressive' cities, despite being conservative myself. All my life, I've struggled with perfectionism and the pitfalls of the overachiever lifestyle. Although I have enjoyed some types of 'success' at times, it has all too often come at a cost to my health or other parts of life. Although I've done well in things like education, income, career etc, my husband is much more successful than me of course. He's 6 years older than me too. Both of those things feel like the natural order to me, so that's fine. Throughout my married life, I've been telling myself that I could do it all. That I could both climb the ladder rapidly at work so that I could be intellectually interesting for my husband (that's something he likes) and have my own sense of achievement, and also be an incredible wife. In reality, I'm just burnt out on both. Right now, I'm just going through the moment where I've completely hit the wall after failing to be able to make it in a career endeavour. What hurts the most is that my husband was disappointed in how this career stuff has taken me away from my role in the home a lot. He says it doesn't matter what I earn or what my job is, and it's clear that he values what I do in the home much more. While pursuing this career step had important emotional meaning for me (it's a long story, but this wasn't just about climbing the ladder for me, there's a bigger personal journey of overcoming obstacles etc.)and he knows the whole story, and was something I had to do to be able to live with myself. So I come here today carrying a lot of emotion. I still have a job (a demanding career at that), but I've accepted that I need to be devoting more of myself to my home life - that's my role. I feel lost, confused, broken and depleted, yet also relieved, liberated. I feel like I'm going through a process of surrendering in a way, I guess that's how I'd describe it. Sorry for the long post. Thanks for reading! Bye for now =) Rose",,9,rose_sapphire,2021-11-09 20:36:24 RedPillWives,qo3uld,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,2,blushingoleander,2021-11-06 16:30:12 RedPillWives,qlsxb1,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,1,blushingoleander,2021-11-03 12:01:18 RedPillWives,qj51ol,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,5,blushingoleander,2021-10-30 16:30:14 RedPillWives,qgv2ki,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,3,blushingoleander,2021-10-27 12:01:14 RedPillWives,qe85lw,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,9,blushingoleander,2021-10-23 16:30:19 RedPillWives,qd4vok,Classic movies with great relationships/feminine lead?,"Hi everyone! Does anyone have some good movies to suggest that I could watch? In my recent post about nurturing a warm and pleasant disposition..I’ve started reading certain books again but now I also want to watch some good examples. I saw Sound of Music in a new light the previous evening, I’ve also had King and I and White Christmas to my list. Movies up to 1960s, please recommend? ☺️",,22,ThatStepfordGal,2021-10-22 00:07:40 RedPillWives,qbz7rq,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,6,blushingoleander,2021-10-20 12:01:21 RedPillWives,q9fdar,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,6,blushingoleander,2021-10-16 16:30:17 RedPillWives,q79mb5,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,4,blushingoleander,2021-10-13 12:01:15 RedPillWives,q6hwsy,Nurturing a warm and pleasant disposition?,"Hi ladies! I’ve been thinking a lot recently about my values and how I embody RPW in my life and I’ve realised something is missing - I can do and love cleaning, cooking, I’m naturally very domestic and I’ve cared for kids for years but I seem to struggle around peers when it comes to having a *’warm and pleasant disposition’*. At first when I read it somewhere in an RP-related post I assumed I had it but now I think I may be wrong. Definitely, I think it’s connected being raised by a single-father. Physically I may be domestic but I notice I speak in a very masculine way. I’m horribly blunt in word and tone, I do get aggressive (but not insulting) in situations where’s there’s a disagreement, I care but I feel…I have a macho, tough-guy attitude. Does anyone have any suggestions as to what I can start changing, maybe even books/video/media?",,11,ThatStepfordGal,2021-10-12 08:56:51 RedPillWives,q6kjzt,The Scrapbook,"Tell us a story about your life as an RPW. This months theme is vetting. Some possible ideas: > How did you know he was the one or alternately, that he was not the one > ""Watch what he does"" - when did he do something that showed you who he was > The talk > First dates Discussions are encouraged. Share stories from your part or just miscellaneous thoughts. *This post will repeat for the month and then there will be a new topic. Feel free to suggest other topics*",,3,blushingoleander,2021-10-12 12:00:16 RedPillWives,q4opkw,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,5,blushingoleander,2021-10-09 16:30:18 RedPillWives,q3shtw,"Somewhere in Africa…What do you think, how does this make you feel about the engagement ritual?",,https://i.redd.it/sijoimjld6s71.jpg,12,LivingAd6886,2021-10-08 07:02:24 RedPillWives,q2iz5a,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,3,blushingoleander,2021-10-06 12:01:43 RedPillWives,q1uwu6,The Scrapbook,"Tell us a story about your life as an RPW. This months theme is vetting. Some possible ideas: > How did you know he was the one or alternately, that he was not the one > ""Watch what he does"" - when did he do something that showed you who he was > The talk > First dates Discussions are encouraged. Share stories from your part or just miscellaneous thoughts. *This post will repeat for the month and then there will be a new topic. Feel free to suggest other topics*",,3,blushingoleander,2021-10-05 12:01:17 RedPillWives,pzyfw2,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,6,blushingoleander,2021-10-02 16:30:14 RedPillWives,pxtw9s,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,3,blushingoleander,2021-09-29 12:01:15 RedPillWives,px4u0i,The Scrapbook,"Tell us a story about your life as an RPW. This months theme is vetting. Some possible ideas: > How did you know he was the one or alternately, that he was not the one > ""Watch what he does"" - when did he do something that showed you who he was > The talk > First dates Discussions are encouraged. Share stories from your part or just miscellaneous thoughts. *This post will repeat for the month and then there will be a new topic. Feel free to suggest other topics*",,3,blushingoleander,2021-09-28 12:00:22 RedPillWives,pvodu4,Best day ever,"It's 7am, I thought that yesterday, my weddingday, would have been the best day of my life. But now I am here, in a beautiful hotel room, and my gorgeous new husband is sleeping right next to me. I have to wipe away a tear of joy. This. This right here is the best day of my life. I am truly the luckiest woman alive. Edit: Thank you for your upvotes and comments, another day on and still so happy. Really enjoying this feeling.",,110,CheeseMonger96,2021-09-26 06:30:17 RedPillWives,pva7or,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,3,blushingoleander,2021-09-25 16:30:13 RedPillWives,pt61i4,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,1,blushingoleander,2021-09-22 12:01:18 RedPillWives,pshzjf,Maintaining a clean home,"Like many people, I have little kids. I have invested a lot of time and money into decluttering and organizing. My home is generally very clean and organized. We have no junk drawers. This is not accomplished on my own steam. I pay someone to help me because I feel so helpless against the wave of childhood chaos. I feel like I have done everything that is commonly recommended. I do toy rotation, we are minimalist, everything has a place, the expectation is to put one toy back before taking out another. All that being said, when I am by myself with the kids and need to take a call, I feel like the house always devolves into chaos. Toys are everywhere despite toy rotation, pillows are everywhere because they've decided to do a pillow pit, clothes are everywhere because everyone is naked and they've changed their clothes 10x. Does anyone maintain an orderly home with children by themselves? What are your secrets?",,18,SecretFeminine,2021-09-21 12:45:06 RedPillWives,psh9qc,The Scrapbook,"Tell us a story about your life as an RPW. This months theme is vetting. Some possible ideas: > How did you know he was the one or alternately, that he was not the one > ""Watch what he does"" - when did he do something that showed you who he was > The talk > First dates Discussions are encouraged. Share stories from your part or just miscellaneous thoughts. *This post will repeat for the month and then there will be a new topic. Feel free to suggest other topics*",,5,blushingoleander,2021-09-21 12:00:16 RedPillWives,ps77pj,"High demand job is stressing me out, and I am having hard time being light to my husband","Hi ladies, I’ve been following RPW for a while now and feel like a lot of my success in my marriage is due to RPW. But I’ve recently come into hard times now because of my high stressful job. It has taken a lot of light away from me, and has made me somewhat anxious. My husband, has a job he doesn’t like. My husband is also on the emotional end and counts a lot on me for his happiness. I am struggling here because I feel like I can never let my emotions be. If I feel sad or angry or just overwhelmed, I have to put on a good face, or else he also gets sad, and angry, and overwhelmed. I am trying to be my husbands light, but after years of focusing on being my husbands light, I am just having a hard time trying to be my own light. Any recommendations appreciated",,16,CurlsandWaves_,2021-09-21 00:12:28 RedPillWives,pqplv4,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,2,blushingoleander,2021-09-18 16:30:14 RedPillWives,pp6ki3,Should I go down the road of RP?,"Hello ladies! Thank you so much for reading my post. I (F20) am at a crossroad in my life. I’ve been reading about RP and have been lurking on here and redpillwomen. I want your opinion on if I am salvageable and/or on a path to high value. Currently I’m covered from shoulders down in self harm scars. I broke this habit years ago but unfortunately I still have the scars/keloids. I am in therapy and making sure I don’t fall into those behaviors again. Secondly, I’m currently overweight but on a weight loss journey (CICO, running and body weight workouts). I’m not super attractive and usually men don’t notice me, however I have clear skin, wear tasteful makeup, and dress with a neutral/dark wardrobe. The point of this post is to ask you all if there is hope for me. What can I do to improve and offset my past mistakes? I need to decide now if I want to pursue the RP/traditional lifestyle or start planning to go through life single, unmarried and childless. Thank you once again.",,9,dil_kee_jana,2021-09-16 04:42:40 RedPillWives,pooq3g,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,6,blushingoleander,2021-09-15 12:01:19 RedPillWives,po1ciy,The Scrapbook,"Tell us a story about your life as an RPW. This months theme is vetting. Some possible ideas: > How did you know he was the one or alternately, that he was not the one > ""Watch what he does"" - when did he do something that showed you who he was > The talk > First dates Discussions are encouraged. Share stories from your part or just miscellaneous thoughts. *This post will repeat for the month and then there will be a new topic. Feel free to suggest other topics*",,2,blushingoleander,2021-09-14 12:00:14 RedPillWives,pmaizs,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,4,blushingoleander,2021-09-11 16:30:13 RedPillWives,pkwdfe,I can't go back to a world without WFH,"I know Covid has been hard on the psyche of a lot of people, but I have loved every second of isolation. I absolutely cannot imagine a world without the home office. I take my 1 hour lunch break and prepare a lovely meal, my husband is there to snuggle, and more often then not we'll feel frisky during a coffee break and get intimate. This is the best I have ever felt. My husband isn't stressed, we're eating homemade food every day, go to the gym regularly because we're not tired from commute and the love is on. If office work is coming back after Covid, i don't know what to do. How have your experiences with either husband or you or both working from home?",,50,grahamcookiefart,2021-09-09 11:59:16 RedPillWives,pkdl1z,What is the appeal of casual sex?,"Thos is something I have never done, I settled down very young and I went on to marry the guy who I shared losing my virginity with. I'm also old enough to theoretically be the parent of tinder users, so the dating world is new to me. I'd be really grateful if anyone could shed some light on to _why_ ONS/tinder stuff is supposedly so great? What are the ""rewards"" that outweigh the risks? I know most women here who have done it in the past likely don't now, but I'm curious about the whys for women. Thank you",,16,HappilyMrs,2021-09-08 16:11:05 RedPillWives,pk930y,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,5,blushingoleander,2021-09-08 12:01:09 RedPillWives,pjoicd,Update to things…,"I wrote a post about how I left and stayed in a hotel and then deleted it. I didn’t want to leave everyone hanging so here I am. I left because I realized I was more angry with myself than anything else. It hit me that for the last 2 years I’ve bent over backwards to make my husband happy. If he was upset or had an unmet expectation I would jump to meet it and make him happy. All the while I was like, “hey, can I get something”? Understandably he’s been angry about things in our marriage, but I couldn’t keep chasing him like a lost puppy. I felt like the desperate girlfriend checking her texts all the time while he’s out not thinking a bit about her. When I got home I told my husband all of that. I explained that I understood that he had expectations (like there being dinner made or the house neat or me being healthy). But that I have expectations also. I don’t want to be given the cold shoulder if I say the “wrong” thing or for no reason whatsoever. I’d like to be kissed and hugged and shown affection to. I’d like to be honest and not have my words bite me later when they’re used against me. I also told him that for the last several years I’ve been doing everything to not lose him but he’s never stopped to think that maybe he would lose me (and that I’ve never looked at it that way). I explained how incredibly hurtful his comments about sex were. And how it made me see that all my efforts in chasing him were fruitless. And that if was interested in keeping me then he would have to change how he’s doing things. I was surprised that he wasn’t angry and we didn’t argue. We sat calmly and talked about our expectations and what we both want. And we was very sweet with me yesterday. Last night he actually played with my hair while we were laying in bed going to sleep (something I’ve done for him but he never responds). I realized my need to focus on things for me and stop trying to make him happy. Yes there are expectations and things I need to do, but to constantly worry about “does he like me? What did I do wrong that he seems unhappy today?” Is just controlling and exhausting. I’m rereading The Empowered Wife and remembering to focus on my happiness .",,27,anothergoodbook,2021-09-07 14:48:18 RedPillWives,pk61y7,Where do I go from here? (I'm a man),"Quick clarification. I'm a man. If that's a problem, my bad. I'm currently 22 and very successful in the business world, I grew up dirt poor and was homeschooled until HS, then Played football and got a few academic achievements. I've only had 1 official ""gf"" and due to being one of status I had my pick of the litter when it came to women. In the last 3 years I discovered the RP by complete accident. Ironically enough the first person of the community I was exposed to was one of it's founders, Rollo Tomassi. A lot of what he said made me identify with the RP concept as I recalled many encounters with women over the years, so the RP as a whole wasn't a hard sell for me. But to the main point of this post though, I wanna talk about marriage. It's called RP wives, so I'd likely be correct in assuming y'all aren't antithetical to the concept of marriage? It wouldn't be fair if I only conversed with men on this. I wanna know if anyone here thinks marriage is a viable option for men today. I also want to know what you think I should focus on personally if it's a path I take, as I'm not sold 100% on either side at the moment. But I'm leaning towards not getting married at all as I'm not that affectionate, kind of selfish, possess fidelity issues, and other things. Sometimes I'll kind of imagine how nice it would be to have a family with a woman, but I try not to dwell on it.",,0,ResponsibleYak724,2021-09-08 07:53:30 RedPillWives,pjota8,Why do we control (or feel the need to control)?,"I was listening to one of the recent Empowered Wife podcasts, and it got me thinking about control. What is it in women that makes us have this drive to control? Our husbands, our homes, our kids etc. What is it that lives at the root of the nagging, questioning of other's actions, reminding our husbands to do XYZ? I'm sure many of you might say you dont do those things, but I know I have an instinctive desire to have things under control, and I'm guessing some of you also do?",,11,HappilyMrs,2021-09-07 15:03:39 RedPillWives,pjlnf0,The Scrapbook,"Tell us a story about your life as an RPW. This months theme is vetting. Some possible ideas: > How did you know he was the one or alternately, that he was not the one > ""Watch what he does"" - when did he do something that showed you who he was > The talk > First dates Discussions are encouraged. Share stories from your part or just miscellaneous thoughts. *This post will repeat for the month and then there will be a new topic. Feel free to suggest other topics*",,2,blushingoleander,2021-09-07 12:00:14 RedPillWives,pitoj9,Working on showing more respect is really starting to work.,"Background: 35 F soon to be married to a gorgeous and wonderful 33M. Both highly educated, work fulltime, no kids yet. Recovering control freak with anxiety but working on it. I have been listening to the empowered wife podcast and trying to put things into practise. I am by no means perfect and still struggle to hold my tongue and let him lead. So I am using a lot of 'whatever you think', 'I hear you' and I am apologising if I have been unpleasant or disrespectful. A few days ago, we were talking and I said I like to get his opinion on things, and he said, 'yeah but you're the smart one'. And I looked at him and said: 'Me being smart doesn't make you stupid, I think you're incredibly smart, and I respect you and trust you more than anyone in the world. You're strong and kind and you amaze me.' .. a few days on, he's said that he'd like to learn how to dance for our first dance at our wedding! (which really is not something I asked for because it's so far out of his comfort zone, but I am thrilled because I was hoping he'd want to dance with me but didn't want to make him do anything he didn't want to do) and the bedroom has seen a lot of action... I didn't expect anything like this. I feel so lucky for my man having picked me. He seems so happy lately, I just love to see him smile. Laura Doyle is a genius. I'm not saying anything I don't feel, but I am expressing myself differently and learning to control my impulses. Which is easier said than done, but it's a process. Edited for minor error and punctuation.",,46,CheeseMonger96,2021-09-06 06:11:34 RedPillWives,pib076,What do I even do with this information?,"Last night my husband and I were talking about various things. I’ve been less defensive and he’s been more open to talking to me. For back story - we used to have sex 4-5 times a week. We’ve been married 14 years. We have 4 kids. Around our second kid he told me that we weren’t having sex often enough and my attitude (of not seeming into it and just going through the motions) was making him feel unloved/unattractive. At that point we were having sex like a couple times a month. I really put in the effort and we increased our sex to 4-5 times per week. I noticed about 5-6 years ago we weren’t having sex as frequently. Then we moved and the s*it hit the fan . We stopped having sex and he blamed it on anxiety/stress. But we never started having sex regularly after the stress went away. When we got married I was around 160-165 (5’3 so a bit overweight, but nothing terrible). I’ve fluctuated quite a bit - my lowest being after the birth of our second and I was 139. I’ve typically hovered around 160 for the most part. After the birth of our 4th I was 170 and losing. I ended up putting on 50 lbs (and getting up to 220) which is fully my responsibility- I was doing a lot of stress eating in response to family crisis. I’m back down to 195 and have been working on weight loss for the last 2 years or so. We basically stopped having sex 5 years ago. His choice not mine. He told me he didn’t know why but he didn’t have a sex drive. I asked him multiple times, “was it my weight”. No, no it was all him. Asked him to see a doctor (he wouldn’t), asked him if he was watching porn (he wasn’t at first)… Last night he said he stopped looking at me sexually years ago. He had a sex drive just didn’t want to have sex with me because he just didn’t look at me like that. So everything adds up finally. That he won’t kiss me. There’s no foreplay when we do have sex. He says it’s my weight. But not just my weight - more or less that I would eat ice cream and such while being a higher weight. I guess last night I was sort of shocked. This morning I feel embarrassed and ashamed. Hurt… I guess I don’t even know what to think about all of it. And there are things I feel so damn confused about. He’s brought up ice cream before (that’s my weakness). In losing weight I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve eaten ice cream this summer. We went out as a family to get ice cream and I didn’t get any. He’s like “oh you aren’t having any?” But in a concerned way - like he wanted me to get some. So we went out another time for a birthday and I got something small - he asked me “did you get some” to which I’m like “what’s the right answer? Maybe I shouldn’t have?”. It’s like - make up your damn mind! Ugh.",,37,anothergoodbook,2021-09-05 10:54:05 RedPillWives,pi292q,Advice for avoiding burnout?,"Hi y'all! New housewife here (been at it about 3 months now) and wondering what you all do to help prevent burnout? I know being a housewife is a 24/7 job, and I've been trying lately to take some breaks here and there to rest, play video games for a bit, watch a show or movie, go to the gym 4 times a week, etc. but the work never stops. 3 and a half days out of the week I'm helping my boyfriend take care of his daughter while we have her, and if I'm not helping with her I'm cooking (lots of meal prepping!) cleaning, laundry, planning weekly grocery trip, y'all know the drill. I have a good routine down and I'm getting good at prepping and planning things in advance, but, to make a long story short, yesterday was a particularly exhausting day which led to me having a full blown meltdown this morning from exhaustion and being overwhelmed by everything. My boyfriend (who is the sweetest most wonderful man on the planet) had me take the morning to go lay back down and get some rest/gaming time in to help me rest and recharge after breakfast. We talk about how I was feeling and he encouraged me to take more days for myself and time to breathe. I feel guilty taking time for myself but, I know I can't let myself get this burntout to the point of having a meltdown as it's not healthy for myself or my relationship. This leads me to my questions of: what do you all do to help avoid getting to this point of burnout, and what are some things you all do to help yourself relax and get some self care in? TIA! :)",,12,KittyKim35,2021-09-04 23:42:30 RedPillWives,phuqhk,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,6,blushingoleander,2021-09-04 16:30:11 RedPillWives,ph95b3,Anxiety,"I feel like I need to bounce my thoughts off someone and you all tend to be very honest and helpful. I have struggled with depression and anxiety on and off over the year. I’ve done lots of emotional work and I cope better than I have in a long time. However covid really made coping difficult and I decided to start taking an SSRI with the advice of my doctor. It was under the idea of being temporary per the circumstances. Things settled way down and I felt (with doctor’s guidance) that it was time to go back off. I have trepidation regarding being on meds like that long term. However now the anxiety has flared way back up. Most of it feels like overwhelm. Like there’s just too much for me to handle. Between raising kids, homeschooling, a marriage that is sometimes going well (more often than not well it isn’t going well), working part time, managing the housenot sleeping well, PT appointments In many ways I realize while I’m working on weight loss that I avoid uncomfortable feelings. Instead of confronting them I eat them. Which I’m working on not doing. So I’m stuck with these uncomfortable feelings. And I feel very stuck. Like I’ve made the choices I’ve made and I have to deal with them. In many ways I’m thinking going back on the meds will help. But then I’m not confronting the issues at hand that are causing the discomfort- I’m again avoiding them by taking a medication that eases the feeling. Anyway - any insight or thoughts would be welcome :)",,8,anothergoodbook,2021-09-03 16:55:52 RedPillWives,pgjlyo,I’m officially a wife!,"We legally tied the knot yesterday, now just waiting on our less official ceremony and party next year. I wouldn’t have made it here without RPW. Thanks y’all ❤️❤️❤️",,94,DancerInTheFlowers,2021-09-02 15:00:30 RedPillWives,pg9vxy,New here!,"I’ve read a lot of the posts on here and feel like I belong here, however I’m having a really hard time understanding what red pill wives means? What the msg behind it is? What do red pills Ives stand for? What’s the life style? I know this might be silly considering I read so many posts here but I’m not sure why I just can’t grasp what it means. Thank you in advance for the answers!",,0,[deleted],2021-09-02 03:38:41 RedPillWives,pfsfn6,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,0,blushingoleander,2021-09-01 12:01:27 RedPillWives,pf4drl,The Scrapbook,"Tell us a story about your life as an RPW. This months theme is vetting. Some possible ideas: > How did you know he was the one or alternately, that he was not the one > ""Watch what he does"" - when did he do something that showed you who he was > The talk > First dates Discussions are encouraged. Share stories from your part or just miscellaneous thoughts. *This post will repeat for the month and then there will be a new topic. Feel free to suggest other topics*",,0,blushingoleander,2021-08-31 12:00:21 RedPillWives,percec,"What are you reading, listening to, watching?","Hey ladies - it’s been a couple of weeks! What are you currently filling your brains with?",,10,anothergoodbook,2021-08-30 21:13:36 RedPillWives,pdhd2a,Surrendered circle support group?,"Hi ladies, There have been a few posts in this reddit about having a surrendered circle support group based on Laura Doyles 6 intimacy skills. Anyone have an active community or if not, happy to create one on Slack. Please let me know If you’re interested.",,11,lavender8,2021-08-28 20:32:55 RedPillWives,pdczh3,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,2,blushingoleander,2021-08-28 16:30:04 RedPillWives,pb9sdv,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,2,blushingoleander,2021-08-25 12:01:16 RedPillWives,palwal,The Scrapbook,"Tell us a story about your life as an RPW. This months theme is vetting. Some possible ideas: > How did you know he was the one or alternately, that he was not the one > ""Watch what he does"" - when did he do something that showed you who he was > The talk > First dates Discussions are encouraged. Share stories from your part or just miscellaneous thoughts. *This post will repeat for the month and then there will be a new topic. Feel free to suggest other topics*",,1,blushingoleander,2021-08-24 12:00:23 RedPillWives,pa7o2c,"Help with resentment, please.","Edit: reformatted &; brevity - How old are you (and how old is your partner) and how familiar are you with RPW? 37 &; 36; very - I’ve been hanging around here for a while - What is your relationship status? Married, 4 kids - What is the problem? My husband is emotionally distant from me. I feel drained and worn out. Aside from having 4 kids and made a commitment- I don’t want to be here. We have been arguing/fighting for the last 5 years. After changing many of the things I do because he conveyed his unhappiness (which I will address down below) it still seems it is not enough. When I asked him why he is still so distant, he points to things I no longer do. And when I point that out, he can’t explain then why he is still distant. His last explanation is just , “well, we have a bad relationship and that’s it”. Many times the blame comes back onto me. For example I have withdrawn somewhat because it’s painful to be given the cold shoulder. Although it may be worse in many ways because sometimes it isn’t the cold shoulder and I get my hopes up. So now I am wary and becoming resentful and distant. He then claims I’m the one being distant from him, so it makes it my fault. This goes for sex as well - I have stopped initiating because of rejection. But now that we haven’t had sex in 2 weeks it’s, “see I would have had sex, but you gave me an attitude and you wouldn’t initiate”. I do not know how to still stay soft and remain open toward him while he is pushing me away. He stated that marriages have been transactional like this for thousands of years and why does ours have to be different? I’m not content to have a affectionless marriage like that. Edit: he clarified later that isn’t what he wants either. But feels like that’s how we’re going. In many ways my question is: how do I hang in here while not getting calloused and resentful? I realize any “leverage” of walking away isn’t there. So now I feel like I am walking around with a martyr complex. - How have you contributed to the problem? This started over issues regarding my lack of keeping the house clean and money mismanagement. He is still angry toward me regarding these things. I have tended to be pushy and too “in your face”/emotional about issues like this. - How long has this been an issue? It started 4/5 years ago. The big fighting has stopped and we seemed to have resolved some of those things. But now it feels like we are in a hamster wheel just rehashing the same things over and over for the last 1.5 years. - What have you done to resolve this problem? I have made drastic changes in myself. The house is (almost) always clean, he always has laundry clean and folded in his drawers. When he isn’t waking up at 5 am for work (which is not often), I make him breakfast, make him lunches (there are things in the fridge for when he gets up really early). I have increased my efforts to lose weight, I have stepped up on discipline with the children. I have been more submissive and less argumentative. All things he requested I change. I have read and reread Laura Doyle, Fascinating Womanhood, and many other titles regarding marriage, femininity, and housekeeping (and implementing their advice). I also don’t vent/complain to him. Put on makeup before he gets home. Plan dates… Compliment him copiously on his masculinity. Apologized several times (with behavior changes so it wasn’t just lip service). - If married or in a committed, monogamous relationship: How long have you been together? 14 years - Is your relationship long-distance? No - Do you have an active bedroom life? No",,11,anothergoodbook,2021-08-23 20:04:55 RedPillWives,pa5ylo,Traditional Wives,,https://files.catbox.moe/z7qum9.pdf,0,starrychloe,2021-08-23 18:37:32 RedPillWives,p8uiiq,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,0,blushingoleander,2021-08-21 16:30:14 RedPillWives,p849k3,How are you all doing?,"I feel like it has been a lifetime since I've been here. So much has happened with me, with the world. I thought it'd be nice to catch up. So what's new with everyone? Update on me. I had amazing wedding! I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl and have another one on the way. So how about you? Lets chat!",,7,LittleMissAfrodite,2021-08-20 12:32:07 RedPillWives,p7bbh0,Help me be a better wife,"I feel like I'm waking up from a nightmare - my life prior to this awakening was full of angry liberal wokeism, I even thought I was non-binary for a while and shaved my head, got a bunch of tattoos, etc. My husband has stuck with me throughout, though of course he found it very difficult and confusing. Recently I've gone back to the Catholic Church and have been receiving spiritual direction which is helping me discern my true path - and it's taking me the complete opposite of where I was. I feel like I was seeing the world inside out and upside down - now everything is different I want to be a good wife, feminine, loving, and worthy of my husband, who has been unconditionally loving. We have recently had a baby and lately I find myself feeling so overwhelmed and so I end up moaning, a LOT. I want to do better but I just keep snapping. And of course when I do that it pushes my husband away and he gets distant, which hurts me even more. We've been talking about getting married again in the Catholic Church (our original wedding was not religious) and I really want to sort these issues out first so that we have a happy life together. I have a long road ahead of me, with years of tattoo removal to start once I finish breastfeeding, years of hair growing (currently a short bob, still recovering from buzz cut last summer) and also years of angry entitled habits to break. I want to feel feminine and beautiful again, and am so depressed about my tattoos. I don't like the person I've become and want to do better. Any motivation or words of advice for the road ahead? I had a wobble last night, and am treating it as a wake up up to get back on track. Tl:dr I've made a mess of myself, my husband has stuck with me but is wary of me. Help motivate me do better.",,29,mujercatolica,2021-08-19 09:12:45 RedPillWives,p6pq3i,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,8,blushingoleander,2021-08-18 12:01:11 RedPillWives,p6lokh,Smoking husband,"My husband started smoking and I really hate it. I know in theory I should stay 'on my own paper', but his stink gets on mine... Ofcourse I told him I really don't like this. And I get it's an addiction. He does want to stop, but next week or after such and such, and then ofcourse keeps on smoking. What do I do? I don't want to be the nagging wife. But I also really don't like to be near him when he smells of smoke, just like I don't like to sit next to anyone that smells of smoke. Brushing his teeth does not help unfortunately, as it comes from the lungs. It truly takes away from my attraction to him. What to do?",,20,tvapoangnoll,2021-08-18 06:31:06 RedPillWives,p62ceu,The Scrapbook,"Tell us a story about your life as an RPW. This months theme is vetting. Some possible ideas: > How did you know he was the one or alternately, that he was not the one > ""Watch what he does"" - when did he do something that showed you who he was > The talk > First dates Discussions are encouraged. Share stories from your part or just miscellaneous thoughts. *This post will repeat for the month and then there will be a new topic. Feel free to suggest other topics*",,2,blushingoleander,2021-08-17 12:00:16 RedPillWives,p5gd4r,Husband extremely stressed and tired from work. How can I help him?,"My husband got a nice job in January. He is climbing the corporate ladder, but the stress is killing him. He is even beginning to dislike going to mass because he feels he is losing time. He works from 8am to 10pm monday-friday and he works on the weekends too. I already cook, clean, take care of the house. But this is not being enough. He is always tired and tense. Our intimate life is suffering because he is always on edge. How can I help him, besides offering massages, being positive? I feel impotent… I feel I’m not being a good wife. Any advice?",,19,acgs1995,2021-08-16 13:45:24 RedPillWives,p5evxm,Tired of mixed messages,"Update: put this in a comment, but thought should add it here. Brought some of my concerns to him (calmly). This is what I understand now after that conversation. “We had a really good conversation last night - and I think some of it is the “Pandora’s Box”. I told him I didn’t understand what he meant by how he would be resentful toward me about taking on chores. He explained (and said he should have clarified) that if I wasn’t working then he would be angry at me. He does think that if I’m working he needs to take on some of my “role”. He has concerns though that it will stay that way once I can stop working again. So the fears I had about being resentful are being met with his same fears of me not pulling my full weight in the family. I think some of it is that in the past when I wasn’t working part time he still had to do a lot of the chores and he is worried that will happen again. When I told him I was concerned about the chores being supervised properly (not that I’m trying to be a tyrant, but I think the kids should be taught not only to do chores but to create good habits in doing them well - which means a lot of hands on teaching and praising and such). He assured me that he would be more hands on with them doing chores and outlining things and having clear expectations. So like 90% of our conversation could have been cleared up which better and more concise language essentially.” Hang in there, this might be a long one. 5 years ago we moved into our own home. Our marriage was pretty good (we would both say - or so I thought). My husband had an OCD episode and that brought everything to a screeching halt. I felt like a single mom and completely overwhelmed. I was (and still am) homeschooling, working part time and managing the house. He was disappointed and angry at me that the house wasn’t totally neat and clean. Cleaning has never been my strong suit and I typically had many excuses as why. I have accepted that my not keeping things neat was a sore point and I’ve since amended my ways. We spent about 3 years arguing and angry at each other over the issue of money and keeping the house clean. Just keep that in mind because here we go to the last 3 days. I asked my husband what his priorities in the house are because I struggle to get it all done. I asked if he was content with the meals I cooked or if he’d prefer something better on the days I am home to make dinner. Or I could focus my energy and time on other things in the house. This turned into lecturing me that I don’t manage my time wisely if that’s the case that I can’t do all of the things I need to be doing (and me feeling incredibly hurt/angry at him over this) because my schedule is crammed FULL and I have calendars and alerts on my phone and all the things I need to keep me on track for the day. He offered (after I showed him my calendar) that he would do chores on Saturday. I said I didn’t want him to do that because it would build resentment between us that I’m not filling my role properly that he has to do part of it. He said, “so what?” I said - “um because of the last 4-5 years? I don’t want to go through that again.” LAST night it came up again. One of his arguments is that I didn’t ever make him breakfast or lunches. Fine. I have a whole meal plan for his lunches now. This week it was chicken, bacon wraps. I needed to cook the bacon and forgot until the last minute. He sees me and is like “don’t worry about it come to bed”. I had already started so i let him now it wouldn’t take me very long and I’d be up. I then told him I was confused about the mixed messages. I explained that he was so angry at me because I didn’t do these things and that I’m trying my hardest to do the things he’s asked of me. Which is also why I didn’t want him doing stuff on Saturdays. I can’t go back to how it was for those years. He said “well I know there’s a lot of your plate. I want to help.” I told him I didn’t believe him. I told him I needed that grace toward me 5 years ago when life was even harder. When he was melting down with OCD, when our middle son was having trouble transitioning to a new home (which meant HUGE tantrums - he broke all the doors in our house, he gave me a busted lip once), homeschooling 4 kids, our oldest was diagnosed with dyslexia and I was trying to set up tutors and get him there, our sewer was backing up, I was working every Saturday and every other Sunday (not to mention the 2 weekdays I was working)…. NO I didn’t get the dishes done and the unpacking done and the laundry done. But he was so angry at me for it. And then he told me finally after 2 years of him just being angry with me that he was angry that he had to clean on Saturdays and his lunch and breakfast wasn’t made. Because he is the provider and works really hard so we have the house we live in and food we eat. So I’ve been changing that. And no, I don’t believe him when he says “it’s okay. I’ll take care of some of it”. Because in a year? Two years? What will he say? Will he be angry again that he isn’t being taken care of? Will he forget that HE AGREED to it in the first place and then put the blame back on me? Just FYI- my schedule: Mondays- homeschool Co/op 9-3:30 (where I teach a class), every other week Girl Scouts 7-8:30 Tuesdays- one of 2 days at home all day - homeschool & cleaning; Boy Scouts every other week 7-8:30 Wednesdays- work 12-8, homeschool in the morning before leaving Thursdays - my other day I am home - deep cleaning day, homeschool, field trips/errands Friday - homeschool, cleaning, work from 4-8 Saturday- work every other; spend time with family after work Or if it’s my day off I usually do nothing (a sabbath of sorts). Sunday - work every other, church the days I’m off then small group in the evening. Things I’m doing in there- laundry, meals, grocery shopping, deep cleaning kitchen, bathrooms, tidying, decluttering, doctors appointments, parenting in general, keeping bedrooms tidy and the list goes on and on…. I am sorry to go on so long and I appreciate anyone who made it this far. I didn’t realize how angry I’ve been about this. To the point where I’m waking up angry in the middle of the night. If I say anything about what I’m doing (which I truly don’t think he gets) then I hear “so what? You’re doing your role as a wife. I have to go to work”. To which I explain - sure, but I work too on TOP of what I do as a wife. So surely that counts for something, right? Anyway. I’m not even sure I’m looking for advice. I’m angry and not sure where to go with it. I’m tired of arguing to the point where neither one of us will argue. He’ll go sleep on the couch. I used to go after him. I don’t anymore. I just sleep (something else I couldn’t do if we argued).",,10,anothergoodbook,2021-08-16 12:16:44 RedPillWives,p4u031,Advice needed - considering a breakup,"My bf(35) and I(25) have been in in a relationship for about 6 months. We're christians so as a result we haven't been living together or sexually active. Last week we spoke about marriage and kids and we had a significant disagreement. I'd prefer to be able to stay at home and raise the kids, and be fully present for my family and take on the majority of the housework. He mentioned that unless he hits the jackpot, he doesn't see that happening. He's also concerned that if something were to happen to him, I would have a difficult time getting back into the workforce. Additionally, he said that he would want his wife to be working during marriage. This is all reasonable. He told me that we could worry about this later, but I'm worried that this could lead to resentment down the road since I want a more traditional relationship and he wants a more modern one. Also, I mentioned my desire to be a homemaker while were dating and he seemed fine with it then. I'm considering breaking up and I guess I posted this to either slap me into reality or give me the push I need.",,17,TheShiningSun,2021-08-15 14:03:37 RedPillWives,p4b7k2,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,2,blushingoleander,2021-08-14 16:30:13 RedPillWives,p3a6n3,Switching out of an academic mindset,"Hello beautiful people! This is my first post here -- but I have been following this community for a couple of months using a different account. Implementing some of the skills of femininity described here has shifted my relationship in small, wonderful ways. I found surrendering, receiving, diverting conversation instead of becoming combative, and generally softening especially helpful. So, while I'm not very well-versed in RP principles, I did go through a period of reading the resources obsessively. I'm in a relatively new relationship. We've been together for 9 months, but we're fully committed and there's talk of an engagement soon. I'm 23, and my partner is 28. We have a very active bedroom life. I am currently studying at a competitive and academically rigorous university. My partner and I don't want kids, and we imagine we'd both work throughout our lives. I am passionate about my field, and am drawn to the altruistic aspects of the work. My partner is really supportive of my vision. In contrast to me, he was always more inclined towards sport than school. He is a smart and eloquent man, but not at all academic. His current work involves managing people. When I'm on a break, I find the RP skills relatively easy to practice. However, when I spend all day immersed in my course content, I find myself craving intellectual engagement. Given COVID, my courses are online, so I get much less of that engagement than usual. Even without that though, I find my mind primed for analysis and critique. I don't really seek debates, but our conversation will go something like this: Him: Have you noticed the houses around this area have changed? Me: Yeah, I have. The spatial organization of the city almost makes gentrification inevitable... Him: ... Because I spend all day reading and writing, and my country is still under lockdown, I can only talk about my coursework on weekdays. I find myself impatient with his lack of engagement. I would like the domestic tranquility I experience when I'm not in that mindset. I have tried working out before I see him, and mindfulness meditation. Even when I am relaxed, it takes about an hour of time with him before I can switch ""languages"". Do y'all have any advice on how I can switch out of my academic mindset at the end of the day? This is something I would like to work on now, because I imagine I'll always do some form of intellectual work. Also, how do I work on talking about my day when my day consisted of academic writing?",,7,MissWolffe,2021-08-12 22:12:25 RedPillWives,p2o9z3,Hurt my husband verbally. Help me get back on the right track,"Hi ladies, I'm new to posting but have been a lurker for a bit, reading past posts. I realize I have been doing a lot of this stuff without even knowing there was a word for it or a community. I've always had a more traditional view of relationships despite being raised in a very liberal family. I don't feel comfortable talking to my friends IRL about any of this because we have different relationship views and I don't want to include others (that we know) in our marriage. Anyways, we have a toddler currently but for the two years after his birth, I definitely lost myself, fell into PPD/PPA, and was a terrible wife who lashed out. In the past year and a half, I've taken care of myself in a big way and think I'm back to how I was before-baby but damage was done to my marriage. Would love any advice you're willing to give. &#x200B; * How old are you (and how old is your partner) and how familiar are you with RPW? Me - late 30s Husband - early 40s * What is your relationship status? Married * What is the problem? (Don’t badmouth your SO!) How have you contributed to the problem? What have you done to resolve this problem? A little background in case it's relevant: I met my husband when I was 18. He is the only guy I've ever dated. We dated throughout college before getting married. We were married for 10 years before having our child and had a great relationship. We both knew we only wanted one child so we lived it up together in our 20s. I was in a low-paying career and had hit all the milestones I had wanted to accomplish by the time I was 30. I got pregnant in my early 30s and quit my career to become a SAHM. My workplace had become a toxic environment and source of stress by then as well so I was glad to leave. But after having our son, I had 2 years of diagnosed depression. Obviously, babies are stressful but I was highly unprepared for the extreme sleep deprivation, colic, extended breastfeeding where our baby never got on a bottle, and the toll that not living near family/support system had. Also, it was jarring for me to go from the routine of a career to full-time SAHM. Looking back, I honestly don't even recognize the person I was. I was mean, and I can't emphasize enough how toxic and emasculating some of the things I said to my husband were. As soon as he'd walk in the door I'd start nagging him, saying how unhappy I was with everything, and blaming him for everything I perceived as wrong in my life. It's honestly unforgivable yet my husband says he's forgiven me since I had doctor-diagnosed mental health issues. Fast forward to the past year and a half, I've made great strides in therapy, am no longer sleep deprived, work out, take time for self-care, am back on routine of taking care of the household. I read Laura Doyle's ""The Empowered Wife"" and have been consciously implementing those intimacy skills. My husband seems so happy now, he's flourishing in his career, and I think our relationship is stronger than the 10 years before our child. So it seems that things are back on track but I do notice he'll make certain jokes that I fear stem from the emasculating things I said to him years ago. For instance, if I offer to grab him a drink or make his favorite meal he'll jokingly say ""That's right woman. You'll get me a drink because I'm the man of this family."" Then once I bring it he'll say ""Thank you, baby, I know you don't have to but I appreciate it."" He is the sweetest guy and never made those jokes pre-baby. I can only think that he makes jokes about ""being the man"" because of how I hurt him. IDK what to do at this point or if anything needs to be done. I definitely feel guilty and terrible about everything. **Is this something I should let time heal or should I do something more?** &#x200B; * How long has this been an issue? 2 years of meanness followed by 1.5 years of trying to build our relationship back up. If married or in a committed, monogamous relationship: * How long have you been together? Married 15 years, together for 19 years * Is your relationship long-distance? No * Do you have an active bedroom life? Yes, 3-4 times per week average plus other stuff. Down for almost anything. He seems happy with it (me too). During the two years after baby, we were only at once a week but are back up again.",,11,dream_sparkles,2021-08-11 22:55:28 RedPillWives,p2bo0r,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,3,blushingoleander,2021-08-11 12:01:22 RedPillWives,p1x90q,Fascinating Womanhood: Love Booklet,"I thought it might be fun to have a thread where we share those things our husbands/partners do to show us love. For those of you familiar (or well perhaps not familiar lol) with Fascinating Womanhood, one “assignment” is to buy a notebook and keep track of the sweet or endearing things our husbands do for us. Keeping in mind of those things that he does helps keep us going in our pursuit of being fascinating women. So ladies, what things has your husband/partner/captain done to show you appreciation and love lately?",,12,anothergoodbook,2021-08-10 20:12:19 RedPillWives,p1nqr2,The Scrapbook,"Tell us a story about your life as an RPW. This months theme is vetting. Some possible ideas: > How did you know he was the one or alternately, that he was not the one > ""Watch what he does"" - when did he do something that showed you who he was > The talk > First dates Discussions are encouraged. Share stories from your part or just miscellaneous thoughts. *This post will repeat for the month and then there will be a new topic. Feel free to suggest other topics*",,2,blushingoleander,2021-08-10 12:00:11 RedPillWives,p10qpo,Friends disappear after getting married.,"After I got married, my friends changed with me. I noticed I’m always the one reaching out. If I don’t reach out, they take weeks to talk to me and it’s usually to vent about something. My friends are amazing, I love them so much. If I invite them, they always do their best to come over. But our friendship did change… What bothers me is being the one who always initiates things, they are passive all the time. It is so frustrating and I don’t think this is worthy enough to make me put an end in this friendships, but I can’t get over it. Has someone else gone through this? Any tips?",,10,acgs1995,2021-08-09 12:45:52 RedPillWives,p1alyu,Now Find Purple Pill Debate on Instagram and Twitter!,"**You can now participate in the most popular** r/PurplePillDebate **threads on the most popular platforms!** Join us as we debut the official PurplePillDebate [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/?hl=en) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree). I post the best threads and comments from each day, so you can debate with people in real time directly in the comments section or follow the link directly to participate anonymously in the reddit threads. &#x200B; [Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/8dS4wdrmSf) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself.",,1,Mrs_Drgree,2021-08-09 21:11:02 RedPillWives,p0p3es,Vent about overwhelm,"Feeling burnt out from the cycle of working full time, managing a house, maintaining a fulfilling marriage, taking care of our health, being part of a church community and taking care of almost elderly parents. I would love to be a SAHW atleast part of the time but my husband and I did not prepare for this season in that way. We bought our house and built our lifestyle on both of our incomes. I wish someone would have told us that that's not the only option and that we could have done things differently.",,16,_prairiebaby,2021-08-08 23:04:29 RedPillWives,ozwfsd,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,3,blushingoleander,2021-08-07 16:30:12 RedPillWives,oyfkkq,My mom finally makes a negative comment about my choice to stay home.,"It's humorous if you knew my mom. So for some context she is a SUPER feminist ""girl boss"" types who in her own right couldn't be a SAHM but wanted to be. We grew up quit poor. She called to catch up and I didn't tell her I left my job really I was planning on it just coming up in conversation and it did a few weeks ago. We'll she called and said ""you know this won't last right. This doesn't work anymore. You'll have to find another job."" 😂🤣 now what do you do as and adult with a very negative toxic mother who isanipluatice and constantly jealous of your life accomplishments? You swing back harder. (Well I do anyway.) I said ""just bc you wouldn't make it work doesn't mean I can't."" And her response is always golden ""whatever. I'm just saying he (my husband) won't be able to do this forever."" I say ""well I think I'm just going to trust him when he says he can provide for us and if anything financial changes then we will discuss that as a couple."" If you knew my mom also these responses which probably seem mild cut deeper than me screaming or cussing at her bc the point of this is she is jealous she couldn't do this and also she is trying to guilt me or make me feel bad about my choice which she didn't get to make for me. So a claim but confident response infuriates her. I got off the phone call and called my sister and we had a good laugh. (My sister has only ever been a sahm and has 6 kids.) It was hilarious. My husband also laughed and rolled his eyes. Years of therapy have really taught me to navigate how to handle her jabs at my life choices and it's funny bc I'm the only. Hold out of 4 she has an issue with when I make choices for myself that are outside of what she wanted.",,16,Tyla_re,2021-08-05 11:27:50 RedPillWives,oxr6c8,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,4,blushingoleander,2021-08-04 12:01:12 RedPillWives,oxb7cy,Would you share him?,"Following on from u/lightandlush 's post about morality and fidelity, I wanted to have a quick straw poll. Imagine you are married to a HVM (we'll assume handsome, lifts, 6ft+, at least 6 inches, 6 figure salary, has ambitions and is fully engaged in life, good dad). He decides that to fulfil his life, he wants to start having sex with other women. It won't take resources from you or lose time with your children. Are you accepting that he is a man with options and strong desires to do this, or is this a hard nope? The argument is that as he is so high value, your hypergamy will override your thoughts of what is acceptable and you'll stay because you cannot do better than him.",,17,HappilyMrs,2021-08-03 19:42:53 RedPillWives,ox4ja6,Balancing emotion and logic,"I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic (as I love discussion here in general). My husband and I got on the topic of logic vs emotion. I mentioned that femininity skews more toward being emotional and masculinity skews more toward logic and the two balance each other. He doesn’t see the value in much emotion because he believes it gets in the way of making a logical decision. For example spending money. It doesn’t matter how you *feel* if you’ve made a budget you stick to it because that’s all the money there is. I suppose my wondering about this topic leads me to when does emotions serve better than logic? How are a woman’s (person’s) emotions helpful - in what scenarios for example would that be of service?",,9,anothergoodbook,2021-08-03 14:23:35 RedPillWives,owmwcn,"Thoughts Morality, Marriage, and the High Value Man","Hi Red Pill Wives, I started writing a comment on the very insightful RP and Cheating Post from yesterday. My comment turned into an essay, so I decided to make it a post, hope that is okay! **Red Pill is Amoral** Red Pill is amoral. Red pill simply advocates radical acceptance of the natures of men and women. Men want sex. Women want security. Marriage has historically been the way to reconcile the different goals of the sexes. But sex and marriage is broken in our society. Hook up culture allows men to have sex without commitment. Pornography addiction distorts men's perception of a healthy sex life. Women are told they don't need men and that they can ""have it all"". Men are told women are independent and strong and they don't need to be taken care of. And generous alimony/ child support laws allow women to get the security of a steady stream of income if she gets divorced, meaning she has significantly less incentive to please her husband and work to make him happy. Many red pill truths are common knowledge (just a bit below the surface of most people's consciousness). ""Nice guys"" don't get the girls... ""chads"" do. The ""madonna/whore complex"" describes men who idolize their wives as pure and sweet and chaste yet get off to degradation porn that humiliates the woman. ""Simps"" are a common slang term for men who have ""oneitis"" and it is socially accepted that women become less attracted to simps (men who are overly into them). **The Manosphere** I think the ""manosphere"" has done a lot of good. It teaches lifelong ""nice guys"" that their purpose in life does not need to be pleasing their wives (look around- this is so common in marriages. You see the husband bending over backward to please his wife, and it just makes his wife less attracted to him. Women are not attracted to men who supplicate to their wives.) Married Red Pill advocates many very positive thing for men: Exercise. Have a plan for your life and execute it. Learn what you want and go after it. Set boundaries. Be decisive. Stop making decisions in order to ""keep the peace"" with your wife. ONE way to stop caring what your wife thinks COULD be to sleep around, get validation from other women etc. But that wouldn't do anything for a true high value man. A high value man would not need validation from other women, because he can validate himself. A high value man would not need sex from other women, because he knows he is attractive and his wife desires sex with him. But again, red pill is amoral. **Red Pill Men and Moral Men** I think there are High Value Red Pill Men who are also Moral Men. And I think that makes the ideal partner for a Red Pill Woman. A Red Pill Woman wants a High Value Red Pill Man (at least, I do 😀). A Red Pill Woman wants a man who does not live to please her (that is not attractive). A Red Pill Woman wants a man who is decisive and confident and ambitious (that is attractive). A Red Pill Woman want a man who has boundaries (that is attractive). A Red Pill Woman wants a man who is competent (that is attractive). And Married Red Pill advocates cultivating those behaviors in men and I believe that is very positive for relationships. A Red Pill Woman wants a moral man. A man who is honest. A man who is loyal. A man who says what he means and means what he says (including his wedding vows). A man who desires to be an involved father and supportive spouse who is invested inthe well being of his family unit that he is the head of. A man who is self disciplined. That is where vetting comes in. **A High Value Man in Marriage** A High Value Red Pill Man is attractive (physically sure, but more importantly he radiates confidence and affability). This makes him objectively attractive. To himself. To other women, and to his wife. His wife is incentivized to please him because she knows he doesn't need to settle for a wife who does not add value to him. How does a wife add value to her High Value Husband? Through child bearing, child rearing. Through housework/ her job. Through her feminine spirit. Through sex. A High Value Man pleased with his wife that adds value should have no need or desire to cheat. He is also disincentivized to cheat from the reasons pointed out in the previous cheating post: impregnating his side chick, catching an STD, child support/ alimony in the event of an at-fault divorce. **Conclusion** The risk of extra-marital affairs will always be there, especially if your husband is high value. Red Pill Wives can minimize that risk by 1) vetting 2) adding value to their husband's lives.",,35,Lightandlush,2021-08-02 20:18:03 RedPillWives,ox1yy2,The Scrapbook,"Tell us a story about your life as an RPW. This months theme is vetting. Some possible ideas: > How did you know he was the one or alternately, that he was not the one > ""Watch what he does"" - when did he do something that showed you who he was > The talk > First dates Discussions are encouraged. Share stories from your part or just miscellaneous thoughts. *This post will repeat for the month and then there will be a new topic. Feel free to suggest other topics*",,1,blushingoleander,2021-08-03 12:00:19 RedPillWives,owos1s,Brother (23 M) trying to help his sister (20 F( with femininity.,"Hello, I hope I am not invading by posting something here but I honestly wanted some advice to help my sister. My sister and I raised by the same parents have a mom that can be described as your typical boss lady (director of her own private school, makes about six figures) . I came into the red pill within the last year and have been trying to undo what I learned growing up having had a passive and less masculine father. As a result of this upbringing my sister came out with the stereotypical feminist doctrines (privileged white males are bad, racism is why we can’t have nice things etc). I’ve noticed since I’ve had the chance to live on my own that my sister has not womanly skills or for lack of a better word is not in tune with her feminine. She sleeps in all day. Rarely cleans her clothes and lets it pile up on the floor. Does not like to eat healthy or exercise and is very combative to others and won’t take responsibility. How can I help her? It dawned on me that I have more household skills than her and I don’t want her to keep doing this rabbit hole and struggle to find a good man. Any thoughts? I appreciate any feedback.",,3,[deleted],2021-08-02 21:50:38 RedPillWives,ow5hn3,RP and Cheating During Marriage,"Disclaimer: Firstly this is not meant in anyway to debate core principles of the RP movement, however I will be slightly critical of some of the concepts that I've seen becoming more prevalent, specifically those which conflict with the female RP values. By now we should all know that the men's RP is not conducive to a happy, healthy marriage... nor is that their goal. They're very open and honest about what the goal of their values is, and you may have noticed that it is not what the aim is here for RP women. Lately however I've seen a lot of ""RP"" podcasts and YT videos where the men are starting to discuss what they want in marriage, which is a bit odd considering RP is not supposed to be a path to marriage for men (insert all the reasons why here, such as the completely sexist legal system). And it's with these videos that I have some heavy criticisms, as one of the ideals that many of them are pushing is that it is OK for the man to cheat on his wife so long as he is ""high value"". # Why is this a problem? * Firstly this is setting up men to get screwed over legally, worse than they already would have been if it was just a normal ""no fault divorce"". This is like telling someone ""well it's fine to rob liquor stores as long as you're careful about it and the liquor store says they'll look the other way"". * Secondly, this shows a complete lack of understanding of men, women, and the purpose of marriage. The purpose of marriage is to have offspring, this may not happen for every married couple, but the foundation of having the promise and having the contract is to create the most ideal situation for raising children. Within the marriage there are two main roles, the first being the provider and the second being the caretaker. We as women generally prefer and fulfill the latter role, because in doing so we have locked down the resources required for the children. So what happens if your spouse cheats? The men will rightfully point out that a cheating wife puts the paternity of the children into question, yet they fail to acknowledge that the husband cheating puts the resources for those children in jeopardy. If he was to accidentally knock up his side chick or if his side chick was to threaten his marriage in order to extort him for resources... then that means less is available for the children. * Thirdly, he is no longer committing to the family unit as he is fundamentally supposed to be doing. Time spent distracted by women other than the mother means less time for him to engage in his role as the father. While he may not be the primary caregiver, his presence is still of utmost importance to the children's wellbeing. So if we know that men's RP and women's RP aren't necessarily compatible why does it matter that I am addressing this? Because this is a problem that will start infecting marriages, which brings it into our space and because RP men will not necessarily announce their beliefs to you (understandably because of how misunderstood it is by the general population). For those of you who are dating for marriage, I highly encourage you to brush up on the men's literature as well. Men who just take the advice to learn how to lead and how to better themselves are fine, but you need to be wary that there is a narrative out there telling men that they can cheat and that it's acceptable in marriage and you do not want to wind up on the receiving end of this. A man who is not ready to commit to monogamy is not a man who is ready for marriage, and it's not your job to try to change his mind, just find someone else who understands that marriage means sacrificing multiple sexual partners in order to create the best situation for children. And as always VET, VET, VET!",,36,Mewster1818,2021-08-02 02:16:18 RedPillWives,ovno8m,Can you suggest some movies/serials about feminine girls?,"Can you suggest some movies where there’s a feminine girl/women? I’m a visual person, so when I watch movies or serials I start to subconsciously copy traits of characters. Our modern movies in which women have strong masculine traits impacted me even more than pro feminist environment in which I live. I was raised in a very masculine and competitive environment, and I’m ambitious too. It’s really painful to accept that these traits are wrong in a girl. Media made masculine traits so alluring for girls, I just want to find why being feminine is a real empowerment. I don’t mind if a movie/serial is old, historical or about old people. For example, I really liked feminine, mature traits in a wife of a main character in a movie “A beautiful mind”. Also, it’ll be a big plus if she’ll be although feminine and elegant, but not boring too. Also, there’s a saying which I’ve heard recently, something like “behind every great man, there is a great woman”. So, if there’s anything interesting (movies, books etc) about how woman made man successful, please, suggest me this too. Great thanks in advance",,14,tagbe2003,2021-08-01 07:13:09 RedPillWives,ova8nx,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,6,blushingoleander,2021-07-31 16:30:14 RedPillWives,ourylp,"RPW/RPGF Soft Skills: Other than being an all around Domestic Goddess, what are some small things, overlooked things or “soft skills” you think more women should learn or utilize?",,,16,-sunshyne-,2021-07-30 19:38:14 RedPillWives,ou4bwo,"Wives, how did you meet your husband or bf?","Late 20s single guy here, I’m having trouble meeting women that I actually care to pursue after initially meeting them. All the typical online dating apps, and other online methods I just ended up a waste of time, and my normal day-to-day doesn't involve me interacting with many girls nowadays. How did you find him? How did your first interaction go?",,10,SplenduhP0py,2021-07-29 19:23:03 RedPillWives,ottnji,Why do people dislike this community so much?,"Context: I’m in a wonderful marriage and very happy. My husband treats me like a Queen, and we have a baby on the way! I recently discovered that the way I treat my husband is very similar to this community and became fascinated with the experiences of other women with similar mindsets. It’s so nice to find a group of women whose focus isn’t on screaming, “All men are trash!” And instead focuses on lifting up our partners! How nice and healthy! :) My husband does the same for me, and it’s wonderful! Recently, in a mom forum here on Reddit, someone made a comment in response to me attempting to invalidate my advice to another mother by saying I’m a member of this forum. I don’t understand why? As far as I know (and from everything trained professionals like therapists and couples counselors have told me), being kind, forgiving, vulnerable, and never resorting to harshly criticizing or emasculating our partner is a HEALTHY way to behave. It’s not just RPW related. But apparently, this behavior is considered “50s housewife” and frowned upon by new age women? A healthy relationship, according to RPW, comes from compassion first, and sincerely discussed compromise. RPW draws the line when our partners are abusive repeat offenders and we’ve done everything in our power to salvage the relationship. And yet… this is supposed to be wrong? I don’t get it. When people cite divorce rates, whine about being single, scream about how men suck, and and tote general marital unhappiness, I can’t help but think these people are prideful babies unable to look at and criticize themselves before casting blame on their partners. It takes two to make a relationship work, and from what I’ve found in this forum, it’s nothing but wives willing to work hard on making their home a happy and loving one. What’s so bad about that? We aren’t victims. We aren’t slaves. We’re happily working on our homes and treat our relationships with our husbands with the priority and respect they deserve, just like we hope they do of us. Can someone explain to me why the RPW way of handling relationships is so frowned upon? To me, it sounds like a misunderstanding and unwillingness to even TRY to understand.",,39,[deleted],2021-07-29 08:46:17 RedPillWives,otgdma,Admiring your husband… ideas? examples? suggestions?,"I realize the topic of Fascinating Womanhood has been talked about a lot and if I search I may find my answer. But I’m on the chapter about admiring your husband and she gives the areas for which he should be admired. But how does one do that without coming off as fake or as someone who may not to it often - disingenuous? With how many Reddit posts I see that come from men feeling frustrated because they never get compliments - I can see the need for it. But I feel like it’s going to come off as not genuine or even how to approach some of the things she mentions in her book. Her list is: 1)His superior strength. 2) His manly courage. 3) His sense of honor and duty in men’s affairs. 4) His leadership ability. 5) His sexual capacities. 6) His determination and power. 7)His devotion to a cause. 8) His mental capacity. 9) His unyielding steadfastness. 10) How clever are his tactics in the world of men. 11) His achievement, success, or excellence. 12) How decisive his judgment and decisions are. 13) How noble are his masculine ideals, standards and aspirations.",,26,anothergoodbook,2021-07-28 18:53:00 RedPillWives,ot8h5v,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,4,blushingoleander,2021-07-28 12:01:12 RedPillWives,oslgf6,The Scrapbook,"Tell us a story about your life as an RPW. This months theme is vetting. Some possible ideas: > How did you know he was the one or alternately, that he was not the one > ""Watch what he does"" - when did he do something that showed you who he was > The talk > First dates Discussions are encouraged. Share stories from your part or just miscellaneous thoughts. *This post will repeat for the month and then there will be a new topic. Feel free to suggest other topics*",,1,blushingoleander,2021-07-27 12:00:15 RedPillWives,oryl5d,What are you reading/watching/listening to?,"Hey ladies! After a week break from social media, I’m back with another installment of what are you filling your minds with? I’d love to hear what you are reading/listening to/watching the past week or so!",,8,anothergoodbook,2021-07-26 13:21:27 RedPillWives,orop3w,When should I marry and how big should the age gap be?,"I am 17f and I’m trying to figure out what’s a good age to marry by and what age gap is the best “focus on yourself and love yourself before getting in a relationship” Exactly why I’m in therapy now and doing critical inner work so that way I can love myself enough to love somebody else “It takes time” I know that it will take time that’s why I’m giving myself till I’m 24 to be ready for marriage but I want to be married by ages 24-26. “Talk to your father; he will guide you” I did; I asked him about me getting married at ages 24-26 to a man that’s 5-7 years my senior and he said I should wait till I’m 28-30 and “live life” and said there’s plenty of women who are 50 and beautiful and are getting married but when I listen to these different redpill channels they say that’s when you’ll be kind of “washed up”. Also TMI but I am practicing abstinence and want to wait till marriage and I won’t know how believable the whole I’m waiting for marriage at 28-30 will be to men Im dating after “living life” especially in this sex positive era TL;DR When should I marry and how big should the age gap be?",,10,righthand_,2021-07-26 01:35:09 RedPillWives,oqtbhx,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,5,blushingoleander,2021-07-24 16:30:12 RedPillWives,ooogb8,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,4,blushingoleander,2021-07-21 12:01:14 RedPillWives,oo0nk2,The Scrapbook,"Tell us a story about your life as an RPW. This months theme is ""submission"". Some possible points to discuss. > How does this play out in your relationship. > When is a time you had trouble and what did you do? > How soon is too soon? Is there a difference before and after marriage? > What advice would you give your daughter? Discussions are encouraged. Share stories from your part or just miscellaneous thoughts. *This post will repeat for the month and then there will be a new topic. Feel free to suggest other topics*",,9,blushingoleander,2021-07-20 12:00:12 RedPillWives,onkptg,Banned from the Christian marriage sub because I suggested someone come here.,A wife wanted help to better themself and apparently this sub is incompatible with Christian marriage 🙄.,,29,anothergoodbook,2021-07-19 19:00:39 RedPillWives,onsmfk,Own Your Stuff,"Own Your Stuff Hello Ladies, time for another round of OYS. This can be a valuable tool to assess your successes and failures over the last week, receive input and advice from like-minded women, share your progress, and prioritize your goals for the coming week. Provide updates about different areas of your life such as homemaking, parenting, relationship with SO, health (mental and physical) , beauty, hobbies, social etc. Don't be shy! Bring both the serious and the trivial into discussion. Start with your stats: relationship status/ ages/ kids, how long you have been married or dating, and anything else you deem very important. For example: Me: 27, Husband 33. 2 daughters, 6 months, 3 yrs, SAHM",,3,Lightandlush,2021-07-20 02:05:30 RedPillWives,onjdpn,Bettering yourself,,/r/Christianmarriage/comments/onhn98/bettering_yourself/,3,mrshousewife1021,2021-07-19 17:56:28 RedPillWives,omrsur,Sex on command,"I saw something on MRP, a comment that ""Nobody gets BJs on command"". So I thought I would ask here. Is that the case in your house, that sex of any variety is on command? Is this even practical for many? Is it just a case of being clever about it? Do you think it's problematic to have such a set up where one partner commands/asks and the other immediately obliges? I know we rarely talk about sex here, but I think the balance of power and how this plays out in all aspects of a relationship is interesting.",,27,HappilyMrs,2021-07-18 14:43:23 RedPillWives,om7jmb,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,1,blushingoleander,2021-07-17 16:30:13 RedPillWives,oldfq0,Where would you not follow?,"Following on from yesterday's post about household voting, I am now curious about where you draw the line. What things would you not follow your husband into? Does anyone truly turn over 100% of their control to their husband, or do we almost all retain certain inviolable rights and decisions? I know it may take a bit of thinking around the ideas that your husband would never ask it of you, but I thought it could be an interesting thought exercise. For me, an open marriage is a red line. I have tried having a poly-style relationship with my husband and another woman, and it was a disaster that I would not repeat. Also drug use, and also what to do about an unexpected pregnancy (though I would do my very best to make this a unanimous decision, the ultimate choice would rest with me) What about you?",,16,HappilyMrs,2021-07-16 09:29:44 RedPillWives,okr2jz,FR: Don't assign him motivations,"I'd like to tell you a little story of my morning. I was sat in the bed after my shower, towel dried hair everywhere. He came in to talk to me and was looking at my crazy hair thoughtfully. My immediate reaction was ""Oh he thinks my hair looks really awful and he's going to make a jokey comment about it"". Normally, I would immediately try to preempt that to protect my ego with either a joke of my own or an accusatory ""You think my hair looks awful!"" But I tried to just pause, not run my mouth. Instead he asked where a brush was, which again I instinctively felt could be a criticism. Instead of being defensive, I asked why. He told me he was wondering because he was going to offer to brush it for me (which he knows I love). So I told him, and he spent five minutes lovingly and slowly brushing my hair, and then kissed my crown. It felt really good, and so intimate. It built closeness. I could have been a bitch. I've often been a bitch. And simply through my own reaction I'd have made him not want to do it, and have made us miss out on a really lovely little moment. So the lesson is, assume the best of your husband, and don't assign him thoughts and feelings he likely isn't even having. You'll only end up being the loser from it.",,155,HappilyMrs,2021-07-15 11:39:04 RedPillWives,oknpub,Head of household voting,"I've just seen an article where an American politician wants to bring Head Of Household voting in, with the husband having the final say. Here is the link to the article https://19thnews.org/2020/08/on-eve-of-suffrage-centennial-milestone-rnc-to-feature-speaker-supporting-policies-barring-women-from-voting/ I wondered what you think of the idea? Would it work for you? Are you in favour of or against the idea? Hopefully we dont need to get into political arguments, what I'm curious about is the principle of handing over the decision on who to vote for and how you feel about it.",,5,HappilyMrs,2021-07-15 07:19:35 RedPillWives,ok2vzu,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,7,blushingoleander,2021-07-14 12:01:17 RedPillWives,ojjg04,Own Your Stuff,"Own Your Stuff Hello Ladies, time for another round of OYS. This can be a valuable tool to assess your successes and failures over the last week, receive input and advice from like-minded women, share your progress, and prioritize your goals for the coming week. Provide updates about different areas of your life such as homemaking, parenting, relationship with SO, health (mental and physical) , beauty, hobbies, social etc. Don't be shy! Bring both the serious and the trivial into discussion. Start with your stats: relationship status/ ages/ kids, how long you have been married or dating, and anything else you deem very important. For example: Me: 27, Husband 33. 2 daughters, 6 months, 3 yrs, SAHM",,7,Lightandlush,2021-07-13 16:40:59 RedPillWives,oje3bw,The Scrapbook,"Tell us a story about your life as an RPW. This months theme is vetting. Some possible ideas: > How did you know he was the one or alternately, that he was not the one > ""Watch what he does"" - when did he do something that showed you who he was > The talk > First dates Discussions are encouraged. Share stories from your part or just miscellaneous thoughts. *This post will repeat for the month and then there will be a new topic. Feel free to suggest other topics*",,4,blushingoleander,2021-07-13 12:00:12 RedPillWives,oiske0,Creating an echo chamber- good or bad?,"I’d love to hear everyone’s thoughts on this! I was listening to Suzanne Venker and she mentioned how people our age have it so much differently than say, our mothers and grandmothers. They didn’t have the information overload and varying opinions like we do today. She was talking about how the only opinions you heard were those of your family & neighbors. And we’d be better off by getting rid of social media. But does that create an echo chamber? Do we eliminate those opinions we disagree with and just focus on bringing in information we agree with? I find for myself (because I tend to be so agreeable) I can get tossed around by hearing so many opinions but never make up my own mind and follow through with action in that direction. But would it be prudent to block out all opinions contrary to my own and just focus on what I already believe it/agree with? Thoughts?",,19,anothergoodbook,2021-07-12 14:38:32 RedPillWives,oialro,Loving our new dynamic. So so thankful for this community!,"I’m very tired after a thwarted camping trip (completely rained out) and so a bit over emotional. So bear with me. Many of you have been following along with the things going on in my marriage for quite a while. Well I finally truly absorbed the info and put it into action. I appreciate the kick butt advice here that I am sure I wouldn’t have found in other subreddits. After a ton of work on myself (like a good 2 years) I can say I sincerely have put into action many of the things I’ve learned here, in fascinating womanhood, and Laura Doyle’s books and what I think biblical marriage looks like. My marriage has never been like this. Ever. Even when I thought it *was good* - it wasn’t like this. My husband has really stepped up in leadership now that he trusts me to follow. And he’s been incredibly empathetic when he sees that I struggle to follow but my heart is in a place of wanting to. I’ve been really stepping up into my place in our marriage. For a long time I felt like I was drifting in my purpose. And as a result we’ve been getting along so much better. He has been just so incredibly kind toward me. No undertones of resentment at all. We went camping this weekend which usually ends up us irritated with each other at some point. But instead of our usual thing, I asked him what should I do. I typically want to constantly jump in and “help” which pisses him off. He asked me to take care of a few things while he did his thing. Even after getting totally rained out we worked together so well. No irritation, no raised voices. I really took the whole “captain-first mate” thing seriously. I think he was happy to have someone he could rely on. All weekend he was super considerate and thoughtful. I could totally get used to this! I even see a difference in the way the kids have been talking to me. So thanks for putting up with all my whiny questions and giving me great guidance :)",,36,anothergoodbook,2021-07-11 19:11:23 RedPillWives,ohlvoo,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,4,blushingoleander,2021-07-10 16:30:14 RedPillWives,og4yz5,Just a little insight to the women who struggle with the idea of staying at home vs being a career women.,"I've been looking through posts for a little bit now and I love this sub. However I do notice this idea that if a women who is afraid or nervous to start the homemaker role it's always seen as ""well you don't seem like you hate working you hate your current job."" I've gotten this comment too but I'd like to offer some input from a social anthropological level to this. I grew up in a very democratic home (idk how I became the opposite) and with 2 parents who worked no less than 50 hours a week. Mom included in that. We were all taught to work. Work. Work. Never mind the fact that mom was miserable, we were raised by our ""baby sitting grandma"" (an family friends mom) and the parent kid relationship has ALWAYS been strained. I was nearly forced to go to college despite my best efforts to suggest other wise and when I was 17 I was told I needed to work along side this. I don't nessisarily HATE work sure. My job I just quit was lovely and flexible but I didn't find my value and strength in it and often times held on to it for 6 years bc I feared judgements rather than it fed something in me. My husband, very conservative traditional man who often expressed his want for me to stay home and worked hard and never went to college, really had to convince me that this was doable, that we were safe and stable and that my meaningless, financially dry job was not helping anything. We bought a house and a car without ever considering my pay bc it wouldn't help in the slightest but being raise in the house I was felt like just staying home wasn't contributing when in reality I wasn't contributing and actually contributing less by going in to work. The house was destroyed and we both were sinking under the pile of house worker, we were strained in intimacy and even though I think this could work for a lot of women it wasn't really what I wanted and didn't have a good example of what SAHW or SAHM looked like. All of that said this is a huge cultural barrier some of us have to go through. I didn't HATE my job but I didn't love it. I didn't want it or even need it. I just felt like I had to do it. It's not that some of us who are afraid to make the change don't want to do it or even hate the current job it's just a BIG change and one that often comes with a LOT of stigma these days of female STEM, female career, working mom culture. Hyper independence and the threat of divorce and a back up plan is constantly instilled in women these days and ""I don't need no man"" attitude. That's not saying it's not true right even SAHW are independent and they DONT ""need"" their husband or bf but the issue doesn't always lie with ""I want to work"" it lies with ""culture tells me I need to work to be valuable."" It's a reaction we often see in an overcorrection culture from past history. We went through women's right fights to give women the CHOICE and the RIGHT to pick that path... to ALLOW us to choose to be house wives or working women, not to force one or the other down the throat of women. So if you too are struggling with this internal battle know that the brave women who fought for the right to go to school and college and have a career didn't intend for today's feminism to force that as your only option. It was meant to give you the freedom of choice. Please trust your wants and needs and if that's staying at home or going to work STAND YOUR GROUND in that choice to anyone who tells you the choice you made was ""wrong"" bc it's not. Career women are amazing and strong and so are the ones who embrace the traditional role of house wife. It's just different not right or wrong.",,14,Tyla_re,2021-07-08 11:06:05 RedPillWives,og56nn,What are you watching and listening to and reading?,"It’s time for our second installment - I’d love to hear all about what you’re filling your minds with the last couple of weeks. Love it? Hate it? Let us know!",,2,anothergoodbook,2021-07-08 11:21:23 RedPillWives,ofmslv,Husband is more affectionate and tender after I lost my job.,"This is unexpected. I lost my job and while this doesn’t put us in a emergency financial situation, it isn’t a blessing either. I was making 3x less than my husband, but with my wage (minimum wage), we could afford to eat out or buy nice clothes. Losing my job means we will have to be more frugal. I thought he would be mad at me, maybe even disappointed. My job was really toxic, specially because they knew I am more conservative and they are VERY liberal. I never said a word, but my silence spoke volumes, I guess. Since the beginning, they didn’t like me. Even the way I dress bothered them (I dress modestly, I don’t wear pants, for example). It was an awful place to be. My boss loved humiliating me. I would constantly cry in the bathroom. I don’t know if he is more caring and loving because I stopped complaining about my job or if it is because he sees me in a more feminine way right now. He seemed very happy to have me around him all day. Even said “now I can have you for me”. In a sweet way, not in a creepy way, just to make it clear. Has someone gone through this before?",,61,acgs1995,2021-07-07 16:45:52 RedPillWives,of3avl,Shocked by another subreddit,"So I found another subreddit where all these mothers complain about their lives/husbands/kids and it's so depressing. So much of it sounds like it would be fixed by a change of attitude, and particularly by applying some Red Pill Wives/Surrendered Wife principles. It made me appreciate the lovely advice and support on this sub and also made me so grateful for my own attitude change as I discovered the female red pill. My marriage went from average with a lot of anger and disappointment on both sides to absolutely amazing, strong and happy when I discovered this stuff! It's been a couple of years since the epiphany and we've never been happier. As women we are so powerful to make or break our relationships by having a good attitude (without becoming a doormat!) and I wish I could talk some sense into these other ladies!",,22,catcatcat000,2021-07-06 20:24:27 RedPillWives,ofhh1c,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,1,blushingoleander,2021-07-07 12:01:16 RedPillWives,of4vvy,Own Your Stuff,"Own Your Stuff Hello Ladies, time for another round of OYS. This can be a valuable tool to assess your successes and failures over the last week, receive input and advice from like-minded women, share your progress, and prioritize your goals for the coming week. Provide updates about different areas of your life such as homemaking, parenting, relationship with SO, health (mental and physical) , beauty, hobbies, social etc. Don't be shy! Bring both the serious and the trivial into discussion. Start with your stats: relationship status/ ages/ kids, how long you have been married or dating, and anything else you deem very important. For example: Me: 27, Husband 33. 2 daughters, 6 months, 3 yrs, SAHM",,2,Lightandlush,2021-07-06 21:46:33 RedPillWives,oetzz5,Positive updates AND needing help," To start with, an update to surrendering the money… My husband set up a budget with what I asked for in mind and I’m awaiting a debit card in the mail. He’s going to transfer money to that for the expenses I handle (like groceries & kids stuff). There’s been a definite change in our dynamic since I handed it over. He’s asked me to keep track of what I do spend right now since I don’t have the separate money yet. He is still fairly wary and cautious considering my history. But he seems hopeful and happy about the changes. Annnndddd we’ve had more sex in the last week than we have had in the average month. Mostly with him initiating. I’ve also mentioned getting a hat. When we go to the local amusement part I wear my son’s baseball hat to block the sun from my face. Then yesterday we were at the amusement park when I said “oh I had thought about getting a hat here, but I really don’t feel like spending money on that, maybe I’ll get one when I visit my sister”. I went on a ride with some of the kids and when I got off - here’s my husband holding a hat for me :). I thanked him profusely (trying to receive like Laura Doyle instructs- bit my tongue to ask all the questions “how much was it? Was it in the budget?” I just said thank you) Now it’s bridging into the advice part…. We had another great conversation over the holiday weekend - He said that while we’re married and he isn’t changing that part, he can’t give me the relationship I desire if things continue the way they have been. He said there’s an expectation on him that he’s never questioned - going to work and providing for us as a family. But I’ve never taken on a role. That he wanted a traditional wife if he’s going to be the traditional husband. I pointed out that I am changing which he said he appreciates but that he is still very cautious that it’s permanent. At which point I told him I understood I wouldn’t expect him to just trust my word. On a side note I opened up and said I didn’t have a great example and I get a lot of fear in following his lead. He was very empathetic and understanding when I talked to him about it. He vented about not having food made for him (like breakfast & lunches). But the next day when I tried to he jumps in and says “no you really don’t have to. It’s okay”. And when I asked later about what he’d like me to plan for breakfasts and lunches he said again - not to worry about it. This is why I stopped doing those things. When I have in the past he later says that because of his weird schedule he doesn’t want me to make him food. Later when I was folding his laundry and putting it away he says “oh no, you don’t need to do all of that. Just throw it in my drawer”. I’m frustrated by the mixed messages. *What the hell does this man want from me?!* Should I just continue doing what I have been doing and planning to do (his laundry & meals) or do I just back off and let him do it since that’s what he’s telling me?",,8,anothergoodbook,2021-07-06 12:33:28 RedPillWives,od1c4i,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,4,blushingoleander,2021-07-03 16:30:15 RedPillWives,ocp54u,Housekeeping help,"I feel like I've really let our new home go. Its an older home built in the 50's. I don't think its most my fault as the people before were horders. I cannot keep floors clean for the life of me. My children love to be bearfoot and so do i. This means our feet a few hours into the day are all dirty. Sometimes like caked on us. I have a bissle crosswave but i don't feel where it works that great. I have a mop, I sweep, I vaccum. Nothing seems to clean it right. My couch is covered in food from toddlers. I have deep cleaned this house so much I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I feel disgusting. Any tips for cleaning old hardwood floors that will stay clean. I'm not mopping every day. I also have a swiffer. I would like to at least just mop once a week.",,9,SillyRabbitBlue,2021-07-03 02:27:29 RedPillWives,ocgc7f,Advice on biting your tongue,"I’m bad at putting the duct tape on. I jump to defensiveness in disagreements and my husband has pointed it out too. Does anyone have advice on stopping myself from jumping to an emotionally defensive and reactive place in fights so that I can remain calm, respectful, and dignified? It is like a switch!",,4,roxylemon,2021-07-02 18:37:39 RedPillWives,objwg7,Handed over control of the money and other interesting things…,"For those of you following the saga of my marriage… last night was a bit of a breakthrough. Over the last few months or so I have been realizing how controlling I have been over the course of my marriage. And money has been the worst of it. Last night over dinner I expressed the following: Over the years I’ve taken more and more control of the finances away from him. I apologized and said I needed to relinquish my control. I said how I was fearful of not being taken care of and that was how I made myself feel better. I told him that I’m not so great at it and we aren’t hitting our goals the way we’d like to be. Earlier I had done what Laura Doyle said which was to write out your expenses and give them over to him. I gave him that and asked how he’d like to handle my spending (cash or something else). I felt cool as a cucumber last night. Now this morning some panic has set it (what if he doesn’t think what I want/need is as important? How will he handle bills? Etc and so forth). He has been very distant lately. Very closed off. And I’ve been feeling pushed away. Last night,in bed, I mentioned this. He didn’t really respond right away. But he finally told me all of it (which was incredibly painful to hear). He said he is angry that over the years he has provided for us and never complained. He took the role willingly and knew he would be letting his family down (and I would be angry) if he didn’t. But I never took on a role. I never cleaned or made dinners regularly or managed the house well so he didn’t have to worry about those things. He’s feeling very resentful at that. And being told by me that I don’t feel loved - he said he did all of that because he loves me. And what more do I require of him while I don’t offer much respect in return. He also said me making big changes has put him on the defense. He said he likes the “new me” but he is wary of things going back to how they were. So he isn’t putting much stock in it until he can see it isn’t changing and that if things get hard that I will still follow through on what I’m doing. He said this is especially true of money since I’ve tended to spend over our budget anytime we have set one up. I cried a lot last night over what I have done and what I have lost. That’s been in the forefront of my thoughts lately - getting older answering missed opportunities and seeing the consequences of younger me’s actions. I have to say I’m thankful for the grace of God and forgiveness. Thanks for reading if you got this far!",,49,anothergoodbook,2021-07-01 11:33:40 RedPillWives,oansnx,"What does red pill think of this dating advice? I prefer to bring problems, not solutions, for the most part. A lot of Instagram dating advice is cringey to me. No female mystique or polarity in an equal dynamic",,https://i.redd.it/dudjs7rfgb871.jpg,13,littlegraycellsmonam,2021-06-30 02:44:31 RedPillWives,oavue4,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,2,blushingoleander,2021-06-30 12:01:21 RedPillWives,oagavt,Does anyone actually follow the financial plan in The Surrendered Wife?,"I’m rereading The Surrendered Wife and I absolutely love her financial surrendering. I attempted to do that a few years ago and realize now I did it ALL wrong. I’m wondering if anyone here *actually* does things the way she outlines there - using cash, asking for an “allowance” of sorts. I’m also wondering how you would handle online things - like the kids have “credit cards” that they get their allowance on. But I handle all of those things.",,13,anothergoodbook,2021-06-29 20:15:30 RedPillWives,oa6tti,The Scrapbook,"Tell us a story about your life as an RPW. This months theme is vetting. Some possible ideas: > How did you know he was the one or alternately, that he was not the one > ""Watch what he does"" - when did he do something that showed you who he was > The talk > First dates Discussions are encouraged. Share stories from your part or just miscellaneous thoughts. *This post will repeat for the month and then there will be a new topic. Feel free to suggest other topics*",,5,blushingoleander,2021-06-29 12:00:15 RedPillWives,o9of5h,Own Your Stuff,"Own Your Stuff Hello Ladies, time for another round of OYS. This can be a valuable tool to assess your successes and failures over the last week, receive input and advice from like-minded women, share your progress, and prioritize your goals for the coming week. Provide updates about different areas of your life such as homemaking, parenting, relationship with SO, health (mental and physical) , beauty, hobbies, social etc. Don't be shy! Bring both the serious and the trivial into discussion. Start with your stats: relationship status/ ages/ kids, how long you have been married or dating, and anything else you deem very important. For example: Me: 27, Husband 33. 2 daughters, 6 months, 3 yrs, SAHM",,10,Lightandlush,2021-06-28 16:56:57 RedPillWives,o9e31b,New Date: Any Potential Here? (Update),"So I may have just had the most awkward 1 hour conversation in my whole life, haha. (Background: I’ve been having a couple dates with a lovely guy but I became concerned when I realised he wanted to travel in the future, I mean hiking and very full-on, while I am basically ready to settle down). I decided to wait until he asked me to a second date and then just as I agreed to it, I asked if he would be fine with giving me a class so I can get his thoughts about something. Soon enough he called and wow, despite what I thought I wanted to say I got nervous. I’ve never really had to have this kinda talk with someone before. I mentioned that I admire his passion for his travels and that I believed he deserves to pursue them, everyone has their ‘thing’ and so do I. I think we’re both nervous, since we kept sidetracked and getting distracted by related topics, then after a few minutes I’d lead it back to what I wanted to say. I also reminded him about what I feel about travel - that I have just a single trip I want to do and then I want to move to the next chapter in my life, settling. He just replied, ‘Yes, well that’s great…’ I elaborated further. He basically said the same thing again. I really thought he didn’t get what I meant (maaan I was starting to feel really silly here). So I just went the blunt way and said: I don’t know if that’s a clash to your travel plans, the fact I’m wanting to in a general sense, settle after that trip. I’ve had dates before go a few times just to realise it wasn’t very fruitful because we had major differences. I thought you needed to know what I thought, I enjoy spending time with you and you take initiative, look after us and I don’t want you to keep doing so if you don’t think it will become meaningful. (Something along those lines). He sounded very relaxed and basically said he thought about that already and he doesn’t think it’s a clash. He does have trips he wants to make but not more than a month/two and just 3 left, he didn’t believe it would clash with a family life. “I’m not put away by that.” I was dumbfounded so after yet another awkward silence I chuckled and said, well let’s continue then. So…I have a fun date this Tuesday that he’s planned, we’re going bowling? 😅",,6,VladNook,2021-06-28 05:52:10 RedPillWives,o8c0f4,"Steve Harvey’s Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man..","Hi ladies! What are everyone’s thoughts about this book? I didn’t even realize it had a movie until a friend showed me, but I did have the book and have read it years ago so I picked it up again. It seems to have very sound advice for women about vetting a man well, setting their standards and keeping them safe. What do you think about his five questions? He doesn’t specify when they should be asked, save for 1, but I thought maybe they’re a little too forward if the dates are early. 1. What are your short term goals? 2. What are your long term goals? 3. What are your views about relationships? 4. What do you think about me? 5. How do you feel about me? (That’s for later he said) When do you think it should be asked for dates? I totally love the 90 day rule for the cookie too. He also mentions setting a wedding date but doesn’t really say when to do so in a relationship. It seems blunt just to lay it down when your timeline is and let him react, yet very fair. Just love to hear everyone’s thoughts.",,15,ThatStepfordGal,2021-06-26 14:38:23 RedPillWives,o8e3bf,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,4,blushingoleander,2021-06-26 16:30:10 RedPillWives,o7vjdk,(6/25) What are you reading/listening to/watching?!,"Alright ladies - let’s discuss what books you are reading (fiction, non fiction, whatever), podcasts you’re listening to, or YouTube videos you are watching! What do you love (or hate) about it? Would you recommend it or tell us to avoid it? *I am totally NOT a mod so hopefully this is okay 😂. If this goes over well maybe we can make it a regular thing!*",,13,anothergoodbook,2021-06-25 20:12:28 RedPillWives,o7pg6r,Would anyone be interested in a bi-weekly/monthly “what are you reading & listening to” - type thread ?,"I was thinking about this today and wondering if anyone else would like it or just me 😊. Edit: started a thread here: https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/o7vjdk/625_what_are_you_readinglistening_towatching/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf",,21,anothergoodbook,2021-06-25 15:01:47 RedPillWives,o7a0z7,In Praise of my Husband,"I have had a terrible day (pretty much a prefect storm of mini tornados that just sucked): - I’ve been *very* tired the last two weeks or so. So tired I’m making stupid mistakes like flooding my kitchen counter. I’ve been changing my diet and not sure if that’s the culprit. But I have a doctors appointment tomorrow - my period is starting in the next few days so coupled with the fatigue and taking sugar out of my diet I’ve been perfectly miserable. - we are refinancing our house. This task I gladly took charge of because my husband doesn’t have much time for it. However they have been sending me documents to sign by email. Our wifi wasn’t working. THEN The link they sent didn’t work and by the time I tried too many times I got timed out and I may have cried a little bit. - an appraiser was scheduled to come, but because of working yesterday along with the aforementioned tiredness my house was not in any shape to have a stranger come and take pictures. The kids were more in the way than helping and I was starting to lose my temper. - dog keeps marking my carpet in my bedroom and I’m working on a solution to keep her out. - 4 year old needed a nap and was having major meltdowns as a result I had texted my husband a couple of times through some of this. Our 11 year old had a swim meet tonight for which I had a volunteer position. I asked if he could come take over when he got home from work. Which he agreed to. My plan was to go from 5-6 or so that way my husband could get home from work, eat and change. Well here he comes through the door at home at 4! He left early from work so he could just take our son to the meet. I pretty much said thank you a million times. I’m just so incredibly thankful for this man and when I back off he really shines through. Sorry for the brag!",,38,anothergoodbook,2021-06-24 21:06:58 RedPillWives,o7ea1z,"Looking for like minded friends in PDX, OR","I apologize if this is not allowed. I am a 23F aspiring homemaker. I would love to connect with some ladies in my area that resonate with RP and who ideally are in their 20’s. I want feminine friends who nurture their softness and beauty. Supportive friends who are interested in talking about RP and the bright side of life. I love the arts, philosophy, nature, among so many other topics. Please message me if interested! I will be very careful about who I meet in person so don’t worry about me.",,7,littlegraycellsmonam,2021-06-25 02:14:58 RedPillWives,o7an4v,Having a career/degree is important to men. Share your thoughts!,,/r/RedPillWomen/comments/o7ali6/having_careerdegree_is_important_to_men/,0,Pretykity,2021-06-24 22:42:17 RedPillWives,o6bdjd,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,6,blushingoleander,2021-06-23 12:01:13 RedPillWives,o5kt6x,Book Recommendation!,"I’m reading The Theology of Home (I & II). They are Catholic which I am not. But if you needed anything to help remind you why you stay at home with your kids or not with kids - these books are for you. I love how the capture the unique gifts of femininity and what we bring forth from just being ourselves. Theology of Home: Finding the Eternal in the Everyday https://www.amazon.com/dp/1505113652/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_SG411TYVZ30D40668HCF",,6,anothergoodbook,2021-06-22 11:25:18 RedPillWives,o5lfz1,The Scrapbook,"Tell us a story about your life as an RPW. This months theme is vetting. Some possible ideas: > How did you know he was the one or alternately, that he was not the one > ""Watch what he does"" - when did he do something that showed you who he was > The talk > First dates Discussions are encouraged. Share stories from your part or just miscellaneous thoughts. *This post will repeat for the month and then there will be a new topic. Feel free to suggest other topics*",,1,blushingoleander,2021-06-22 12:00:14 RedPillWives,o5doz0,OYS- Own Your Stuff,"Own Your Stuff Hello Ladies, time for another round of OYS. This can be a valuable tool to assess your successes and failures over the last week, receive input and advice from like-minded women, share your progress, and prioritize your goals for the coming week. Provide updates about different areas of your life such as homemaking, parenting, relationship with SO, health (mental and physical) , beauty, hobbies, social etc. Don't be shy! Bring both the serious and the trivial into discussion. Start with your stats: relationship status/ ages/ kids, how long you have been married or dating, and anything else you deem very important. For example: Me: 27, Husband 33. 2 daughters, 6 months, 3 yrs, SAHM Single ladies are more than welcome to post as well :)",,4,Lightandlush,2021-06-22 03:54:14 RedPillWives,o4vyqt,I need your help… advice on balance?,"I feel burnt out today. And i believe I know why. And I need help (hopefully from someone who has been here? But I will take anything and everything you’ve got!). Some backstory: I have worked part time for the last 5 years or so (16 hours every other week; 8 hours the other weeks). And when I would be home I would consider that “downtime”. Therefore I didn’t want to clean or put effort into my home. I have been realizing how backward I have been in this thinking. I’ve been putting in full effort most days I am home (I have designated one day off where I do minimal work outside of my morning routine). I am also working diligently to change my eating habits - 2 years ago I was diagnosed with prediabetes (which I resolved), but I still have insulin resistance. I have for most of my life put in the minimal required amount of effort into anything I do. I suppose you could have called me lazy if you wanted to be blunt. So not only have I putting in more effort than ever, it means I am overcoming a lot of inertia to do so. I think the combined effort of everything is getting to me. BUT the “need to do” and “want to do” lists still far outweighs the “time to do it “ and “energy to do it” side. My husband and I have agreed that we will reevaluate my job next year or if/when he gets a raise if it’s before that. We can live on his income, but we can’t do things like renovate the bathroom without mine. Until then - how do I find much needed balance? I feel so used up and empty by the end of the day that self care seems nearly impossible let alone spending much needed time with my husband (who is feeling neglected at the moment). Edit: there’s 4 kids mixed into all of this as well. They all go to scouts, 2 of the 4 are homeschooled (all 4 were up til last year), there’s violin lessons, swim practices (and meets where we are expected to volunteer), I also teach a co-op class for their homeschool group once a week (not until fall though). We have a 3 bedroom/1600 sq ft house. SORRY for not including that as I realize it changes my above discussion considerably!! My housekeeping goals are to: have a daily routine in which the kitchen gets cleaned (not deep clean), laundry, and a general tidying happens… I would also would like to begin to beautify my space as well as organizing.",,2,anothergoodbook,2021-06-21 14:09:28 RedPillWives,o47hj1,Saints of RPW do you have any cleaning tips for a lost cause?,"Hey everyone! I was hoping to gather some advice from some homemaking experts on here. My husband and I got married young (I'm 21) and I'm currently juggling college, a part-time job and well... the homemaking stuff. While I have no issues with cooking - it's the cleaning that I am really bad at. I grew up in a quite pampered household and usually we had someone resident in our home to clean every single day and the house was spotless, i didn't even have to make my own bed (I now regret this lifestyle). I know nothing about cleaning and I would really like my husband to come home to a clean house but I just suck at it so much. 1. The windows are always either cloudy or have streaks on them from tool I use to clean it (which is advertised to clean windows but doesn't?!) 2. The house is messy in what feels like 5 minutes and it is so overwhelming that I lose all motivation to clean the huge pile of mess and push it onto a Sunday to clean the week's worth of mess 3. The glass of the shower. I'm in Europe and the water is chalky, I scrub the glass with vinegar every Sunday and yet it's still a bit ""dotty""? I read online that I shouldn't clean it with something rough but that's the only thing that works with these chalk dots. 4. How on earth do you get clothes to smell so fresh. I abuse the detergent and it still doesn't smell like when the housework assistant used to do it when I grew up. I wish I could kiss that woman's hands for the awesome job she did because I am absolutely dreadful at this and I wish I were better. So, seeing as I will probably never get a hold of the saint of my childhood who kept me in a shiny house for the first 16 years of my life - would any experts here know the answer to these existential questions? Thank you in advance!",,14,grahamcookiefart,2021-06-20 14:57:45 RedPillWives,o3jwgi,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,2,blushingoleander,2021-06-19 16:30:11 RedPillWives,o3ap2s,New Date: Any Potential Here?,"Hey everyone! Even despite last time I’ve continued to date and I know I just have to keep going. I’ve met this new guy from a dating app, it’s been wonderful since we get along well, have similar humour, perspectives in life and also immigrants but from different countries. We are kinda goofy together but in a very relaxed, comfortable way. We’ve had a coffee date and dinner so far, he’s 5 years above me. I mainly have 1 concern: he’s very nature-y, I mean he likes hikes and camping, which is fine and I do them sometimes, I don’t mind if he does his thing whenever. But more seriously, he still wants to do a lotta travel, like climb 3 more summits. There’s still 1 trip I want to do but that’s it. After I want to settle and have a family basically asap since I feel ever more ready. Should I do something about this now? Edit: I mean should I bring up this possible mismatch? Perhaps I should wait and not jump it too early..",,0,VladNook,2021-06-19 07:35:29 RedPillWives,o2w8ga,Weekend is coming :D,"What do you all have planned? Is there anything specifically you're giving some energy to in your relationship? We have been having a big move around of furniture and declutter. We found the VHS tape of our wedding video stashed away. It's from 2003, we've never watched it, and I'm not sure it will play. But we picked up a secondhand VHS player today to test it out. That's part of our plan for tomorrow. I think we may also do some gardening and then head out somewhere if its sunny, maybe the beach! Hope you're all having a good Friday",,9,HappilyMrs,2021-06-18 18:05:02 RedPillWives,o2gnc3,How to prepare for becoming a housewife?,"I am new here. I have read a lot of posts so far and this red pill mindset makes a lot of sense to me. I am 23 and graduated 2 years ago, so I am pretty new to the corporate world. I am already sick of it. My relationship: I have been with my 30 year old boyfriend for almost 2 years. He is a high value, masculine man who adores me. We do not live together. He recently bought a house, and told me he will propose by the end of the year. By June of next year, we will be married (according to him). I won’t believe it until I see it, but I have decided to trust him, and to trust the process. My boyfriend knows I hate my job. He wants to provide for me so I can be his happy princess. He is not a controlling type, but seems like he genuinely wants me to flourish at home, doing what I like. I embody the girl archetype well when needed, the childlike admiration and search for protection. He wants to be my hero. He says that by this time next year, he will have the resources to provide for me. I was ECSTATIC to hear this and there’s nothing I want more in this world. Right now, I am trying to educate myself on finances, homemaking, and relationships. I hope we can stretch the dollar to make this happen. He is hoping to get a new job and the pay is around $62000 after state taxes are taken out. I think this is doable for us. We live in an expensive state. I also have a decent amount of savings (mid 5 figures). I don’t know his savings yet. We haven’t talked all the financial details yet, but I am sure we will when we are closer to doing this. He seems confident that it’s possible. I feel overwhelmed by all the new Roles that I will most likely have to play soon. Wife and homemaker. I am trying to learn a bit every day. I would appreciate some pointers on the following: -what I can do now to financially prepare (besides saving as much as I can) -best places to learn homemaking skills (I know next to nothing right now) I am also working on my femininity, always finding ways to improve my SMV, character and RMV. Thanks for reading! PS. Active bedroom life: yes",,5,littlegraycellsmonam,2021-06-18 04:32:10 RedPillWives,o2hafd,Another update/thoughts about things,"Raise your hand if you are sick of my posts yet! Lol. I felt like I had a lot of write about (based on the last like 3 days) so I decided to make it another OYS update all based on (you guessed it) shit-testing! I know, so different that all my other posts... Without further adieu, **Kids:** I’ve continued to do fun activities with the kids which has been great. My 3yo is also just very content to play/do art projects/read at home as long as im giving her attention. Hard to find the delicate balance between giving her the good focused attention that she requires and allowing her to be overly demanding. My husband and I joke to each other she is really just shit testing all the time. It’s kind of true though, she is testing for many of the same reasons I shit test my husband. She is testing to find exactly where the boundary lies. She is testing us for congruency (whether we will force that boundary every single time). She is testing what the consequences are for bad behavior, and deciding whether they are adequate to deter her behavior. She is testing if we can remain stoic/emotionally stable in the face of her psycho toddler breakdowns/emotions. Testing if we will cave to her demands if she is screams loudly enough, or whines long enough, or looks at us with her sad little toddler eyes. And sometimes she is testing for comfort. Testing if we will still love her/act loving towards her if she doesn’t behave well. It is all quite confusing and challenging to navigate. **Relationship**: Better, not perfect. I am continuing to talk very overtly about everything. Something that concerns me a little- is the further we go down this path, basically the more I shit test. For example, I got home after a long outing with the kids on Thursday night, and I was a little tired and frazzled and I just wanted to calm down. But he could tell that I was stressed and frazzled. And I could tell that he kept worrying about me- he kept checking in on me, it kind of felt like he was walking on eggshells. Which annoyed me. *So I felt like instead of his calm making me calm, my stress was making him stressed.* Subtle to explain but obvious as it was happening. And it made me feel really annoyed at him for the rest of the night. We talked about this later. He had already figure it out. From his pov, what he said was basically that he could tell that I was frazzled and he was worried about me. (He also wanted sex that night so wanted me to be in a good mood). But, he said he stopped himself from offering to do things for me to try to get me in a good mood. And he said the next step for him is actually to untangle himself from my emotions so that he is not affected my bad moods. Anyways, what Im worried about is basically that I will end up impossible to please and always be annoyed at something, because he is not (and never will be) perfect or have a perfect ‘frame’. And I obviously don’t want that. We are still in a positive place though, and husband remains confident and optimistic (basically he chuckled and said that his frame will have to be iron clad because I will find and poke every chink in his armor).",,5,Lightandlush,2021-06-18 05:11:17 RedPillWives,o28sz1,How to stop seeking validation?,"Laura Doyle says to not mention the changes you’re making. And not to ask how about how different it seems. But… I want the validation!! I want to hear, “yes, you’ve made amazing changes! Thank you.”. And I have become a little nagging with it. Like “did you notice how nice the kitchen looked when you got home?” And times that by rooms in the house and whatnot. I’m trying to focus on the positive affects it’s having and how relaxed my husband seems. But, man! It’s hard. Help!!",,20,anothergoodbook,2021-06-17 21:47:29 RedPillWives,o281x6,If you could look like anyone in the world...,"...who are you picking and why? I thought it'd be nice to have a silly sort of post. We will assume that if you got to look like that person, they wouldn't also exist (so you didn't have any paparazzi issues!), and your husband would still find you every attractive.",,3,HappilyMrs,2021-06-17 21:14:20 RedPillWives,o1w7tg,Prayer of a Wife,"This is from “A Little Treasure of Prayers” from 1888. It really spoke to me and while I know not everyone here is religious I thought it might be a nice encouragement :) Gracious God, faithful Father! Since Thou hast, through Thy mercy, called me into the holy state of matrimony to be the mistress of a house, in which state I can also serve and please Thee, my God, do Thou bestow grace upon me, Thy servant, that I may at all times sincerely fear Thee, and trust in Thee above all things, O my Creator and Redeemer; and that I may, next to Thee, fear, love and honor my husband, and desire none other besides him. Help, that according to Thy command, my will be in subjection to my husband, to obey him with all readiness, and that I, in the innermost of my heart, may ever be adorned with a meek and quiet spirit and many virtues, like unto the holy women of olden times who trusted in God, being in subjection to their own husbands. Grant that I may lead a chaste and pure life in fear and humility, that I may in all godliness and with kind and modest words restrain and subdue the anger and ill-humor of my husband, and be enabled to meet him with indulgence; that I may, in meekness, train my children and servants unto the praise and honor of Thy holy name, and that they may, with willing hearts, obey me in those things which are good and righteous before Thee. Help that I may be a faithful helpmeet unto my husband, that I may with care guard over the blessings which Thou hast graciously bestowed upon us and not squander them, but that I may work and assist, as is becoming me in this my calling, that I may be able to give unto the needy and extend a helping hand unto the poor. Protect us against unfaithful and wicked servants, who neglect and waste our property. Give me grace that I may patiently bear the cross in married life, and not so soon become discouraged or intimidated whenever afflictions come upon us; for our faith must be tested through trials and adversities. O Lord God! Into Thy almighty power I commend myself, my dear husband, all my children and servants, do Thou preserve us from sin, disgrace and all afflictions, through Jesus Christ, our Lord. Amen.",,10,anothergoodbook,2021-06-17 12:36:50 RedPillWives,o166oj,I need some rpw encouragement,"So my husband lost his job. It's ... complicated...as far as ""fault"" goes. They gave him a negative review after he took (and still worked part time through) his paternity leave. He was also politically outspoke during election season while he was volunteering at a local level. A merger changed the values of the company. Add in his mentor leaving (he didn't like the direction the company was headed). Then someone complained about his (overheard, private) conversation and here we are. I'm angry that he chose not to play the corporate game. I'm not worried about him finding something else, his skill set and resume are stellar. I am stressed that he wants to take the summer off. He assures me that we are in a fine position to do this financially. He wants to spend time clearing up projects around the house and spending time with the kids. He is bummed that I don't seem more excited to have him around the house. I have not thrown any accusations his way. But I'm not super excited to have him around. The last time he was caught in company wide layoffs, we blew through a lot of savings and he was depressed for quite awhile. Kick me in the butt Wives. How do I turn this into a positive in my head (and in reality) so I can be pleasant to my husband and kids and not stressed all summer. (As my flair says, we are 38/40 together for 14 years. I work, we own our house, have savings, two small kids...ask me whatever, I'm all over the place today and he's out with Red (kid #1) so I'm alone with my thoughts while Green (kid #2) naps).",,13,blushingoleander,2021-06-16 14:28:24 RedPillWives,o137wy,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,8,blushingoleander,2021-06-16 12:01:10 RedPillWives,o0corh,The Scrapbook,"Tell us a story about your life as an RPW. This months theme is vetting. Some possible ideas: > How did you know he was the one or alternately, that he was not the one > ""Watch what he does"" - when did he do something that showed you who he was > The talk > First dates Discussions are encouraged. Share stories from your part or just miscellaneous thoughts. *This post will repeat for the month and then there will be a new topic. Feel free to suggest other topics*",,3,blushingoleander,2021-06-15 12:00:21 RedPillWives,nzseoh,I hate societal pressure to work a regular job as a woman.,"I guess I need to vent a bit. Not sure if this is the right place for it. I just don't know where else I can ""go"". I'm back home from therapy today. My female therapist said so much stuff today because I said I may not want to work in my life ever. Because I may want 4 kids. She said she believes we as women have to be independent and have a job. That an acquaintance of her had her first child at 40 so that's a possibility... Sometimes I feel like the world is f\* kidding. I mean if something in your life doesn't go as you wish and you have your child at 40, I'm happy for you, but why go around and tell young women other women are having their children at 40? I'm 27 and there's no way I will see it as a real possibility having my first child at 40. Why would I? I'm in a 2 year relationship right now and hoping to get engaged and married soon if everything is right. And then I want to try for a baby soon. Having my own family is just so important that I can't care about any job. And it's a man's responsibility to provide financially anyways. I'm so f\*ing tired of unintentionally triggering other women with my non-existent desire to be financially independent. They're just so scared, always thinking about what could go wrong and killing their feminine energy with all this fear. They think they have to do it all. They don't.",,46,lightcobaltblue,2021-06-14 17:43:19 RedPillWives,o0578v,OYS,"Own Your Stuff Hello Ladies, time for another round of OYS. This can be a valuable tool to assess your successes and failures over the last week, receive input and advice from like-minded women, share your progress, and prioritize your goals for the coming week. Provide updates about different areas of your life such as homemaking, parenting, relationship with SO, health (mental and physical) , beauty, hobbies, social etc. Don't be shy! Bring both the serious and the trivial into discussion. Start with your stats: relationship status/ ages/ kids, how long you have been married or dating, and anything else you deem very important. For example: Me: 27, Husband 33. 2 daughters, 6 months, 3 yrs, SAHM Single ladies are more than welcome to post as well :)",,6,Lightandlush,2021-06-15 04:01:24 RedPillWives,nz0hpi,Update: Yellow Flag?,"I just wanted to say thank you for everyone sharing their perspectives when I asked for advice. It’s been a couple months since then so I wanted update. We ended up having a couple more wonderful dates, he lead and even I surprised him with a little picnic in a garden where we went. Until an evening we quickly met after work and had dessert, ended up walking me to my car and then got a little touchy. I had to stop him and literally clarify, that I don’t have sex without commitment. He said he’d guessed it’s what I tried saying before though he wasn’t sure, so I confirmed. Then he explained he was concerned because he did have a former relationship where he did that and then all the sex ended up being horrible - I told him I understand why he’d think in such a way after and I respect it, but I have my stance and he needs to think about this coming from here. Not long after something very personal and heavy did happen to him and he was emotionally affected, from then he stopped asking me to dates and I understood completely. After even a month we’d text everyday but still no initiation, even after I did propose having a quick coffee if he needed to vent emotionally, not a date - he said thank you but refused. After some time I started feeling stale, like this person just lived in my phone and I’m starting to forget the real life interactions, so I started texting less, I just didn’t know what else to say anymore because it felt repetitive and he slowed down too, then suddenly he just stopped replying and that’s it - finished, yay.",,21,VladNook,2021-06-13 16:47:57 RedPillWives,nyali7,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,5,blushingoleander,2021-06-12 16:30:18 RedPillWives,nxjsjl,"Laura Doyle's Six Intimacy Skills- Working on them, any advice?",New member here :) I have been reading and re-reading The Empowered Wife and I have been trying the skills in my marriage. I have had some success but I am having trouble staying consistent. I find myself criticizing my husband without even realizing I am. OR I find myself trying to control a situation without knowing I am. I truly want and know this will work for my marriage. Any suggestions on how you may have had success in your marriage using these skills?,,15,ThisGirlCan8898,2021-06-11 16:17:39 RedPillWives,nxc73n,ARPWALT (all red pill women are like that),"What do you think the stereotypes about RP women are? Do you feel you conform to some or all of them? Which ones really get your goat, and which do you find laughable? What could be done to overcome them, or is it a lost cause at present?",,7,HappilyMrs,2021-06-11 09:53:01 RedPillWives,nx0vpz,I have a housekeeping win to report!!,"I’ve been really bad about laundry in the past. We have a basket in our room that my husband and I put dirty laundry. However he got really tired of having to clean laundry. He set his dirty clothes aside to wash. Of course he would forget until the last minute and be up until midnight doing laundry. Fine - I reconciled it with thoughts like “he’s a grown man he can do his own laundry”. But lately I’ve had a nagging guilt over laundry and housework in general. I didn’t say anything, but I’ve been quietly raiding his dirty pile and washing it for him. This has been going on for about a month. I have asked a few times if there was anything urgent he needed washed. So this time when I asked, he said they were in *our* basket because I’ve been doing such a great job of getting his stuff taken care of. I told him last week that I know I’ve made a lot of promises to change the way I do things, but I’ve rarely (if ever) followed through. I told him I wouldn’t make any promises but I wanted to show through my actions I’m changing. And that I understood if he was skeptical and didn’t trust me. So as little as this sounds - it’s sort of like he is trusting me to handle his laundry. And I’m very pleased because of what that means for how much I’ve changed!!",,20,anothergoodbook,2021-06-10 22:50:26 RedPillWives,nx7adl,Testing 123,"Excerpt from Fascinating Womanhood: &#x200B; >*“A man wants a woman he can place on a pedestal and worship from below. He expects her to be kinder, more patient and understanding than he is and rather considers himself the more unrefined creature of the human race.* > >*If a man becomes thoughtless, harsh or critical, he may be willing to overlook it in himself but is disappointed to see woman— the angelic creature of the earth— fall onto his level.* > >*He may at times* **shake her pedestal** *by suggesting some unrighteous act. He does this deliberately to see if she will remain in her high position. What a disappointment it is if she falls in character, and what a joy if she remains unshaken. Remaining on top when she is tested is further proof that she belongs there”* &#x200B; This quote is at the beginning of chapter 12 about ""A Worthy Character"". This sounds like shit testing to me. Or maybe something a little different? Virtue testing? If you have read my comment/post history, you know that I have talked a lot about shit testing. How I feel compelled to do it to my husband (especially now as he is taking on a leadership role in our marriage). Im testing to see if I can trust him with my submission. Testing if he is congruent. If is is strong. If is he is consistent. Im am curious what your thoughts are… redpillwives and also male redpillers: do men shit test? “Virtue test?” Does this apply when vetting, or in marriage as well? &#x200B; Because I can see it happening in dating/vetting from a male perspective. A man likes a girl, tries to have sex with her on the first date, is disappointed if she does because it means (might mean) she has had sex with lots of other men on first dates (lacks modesty/chastity). This would be a kind of testing if he actively or subconsciously wants her to say no in order to prove to him she is virtuous/chaste. But Im curious if anyone thinks this testing happens in marriage. I know the virtuous women are appealing to men. My husband will be more attracted to me when I am disciplined, unselfish, gentle, tender, modest, dignified, humble and patient. And my husband will be less attracted to me when I am lazy, selfish, immodest, vain, and irritable. But, do you think husbands will actively test the virtue/character of their wives? Curious about thoughts on this.",,8,Lightandlush,2021-06-11 04:29:06 RedPillWives,nvroag,BBC article on the workload of wives/mothers,"I saw this and I thought it could be interesting for generating discussion here. https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20210518-the-hidden-load-how-thinking-of-everything-holds-mums-back What do you think of the article? Do you think this mental/emotional load is part and parcel of the roles we have chosen? Do you think some of this comes from our hectic modern pressures, or do you think it is something wives and mothers have always had to do? How do you balance these loads in your household, or do you not feel the need to share them? What would your ideal division of these tasks be? What do you think of the suggestion in the article that women are judged more harshly on their homes and childrearing than men? Who do you think is the primary source of that judgement? How do you think the pandemic affected your household in terms of the mental and emotional load you have?",,11,HappilyMrs,2021-06-09 09:31:56 RedPillWives,nvu37c,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,3,blushingoleander,2021-06-09 12:01:10 RedPillWives,nv2fcb,The Scrapbook,"Tell us a story about your life as an RPW. This months theme is vetting. Some possible ideas: > How did you know he was the one or alternately, that he was not the one > ""Watch what he does"" - when did he do something that showed you who he was > The talk > First dates Discussions are encouraged. Share stories from your part or just miscellaneous thoughts. *This post will repeat for the month and then there will be a new topic. Feel free to suggest other topics*",,6,blushingoleander,2021-06-08 12:00:18 RedPillWives,nuqbjq,Advise for a man about to be married,"Hi a, just stumbled across this thread and could do with some advice (apologies if this question doesn't fit within this group, any redirects to other more appropriate groups would be greatly appreciated) Like the title says in 2 months and a bit I'm going to be married (M- 25 virgin) to someone of similar age and situation as me (F-24 virgin). I'm here simply to gather thoughts and advise on what you (women preferably) would want/desire/expect from a man who is now your husband. If you could also list these things in priority order (I.e. what qualities you want/desire/expect) the most. I'm obviously not perfect but having lots of info from women from different walks of life I think is useful. Maybe I can find a recurring theme? I've asked my wife to be about this but as she's never married or been in a relationship before I'd prefer if I could gain advise from someone who has been in a relationship as they'll at least be talking from experience. Many thanks for your help 😊",,9,PunisherH7106,2021-06-07 23:08:03 RedPillWives,nusu6s,Own Your Stuff,"Own Your Stuff Hello Ladies, time for another round of OYS. This can be a valuable tool to assess your successes and failures over the last week, receive input and advice from like-minded women, share your progress, and prioritize your goals for the coming week. Provide updates about different areas of your life such as homemaking, parenting, relationship with SO, health (mental and physical) , beauty, hobbies, social etc. Don't be shy! Bring both the serious and the trivial into discussion. Start with your stats: relationship status/ ages/ kids, how long you have been married or dating, and anything else you deem very important. For example: Me: 27, Husband 33. 2 daughters, 6 months, 3 yrs, SAHM Single ladies are more than welcome to post as well :)",,6,Lightandlush,2021-06-08 01:19:34 RedPillWives,nub13s,What does your housekeeping look like?,"I’d like to hear what your daily cleaning routines look like that keep your house tidy :) I’ll share mine in the comments.",,16,anothergoodbook,2021-06-07 12:17:56 RedPillWives,nurlp0,What is a woman’s value over 40?,"My boyfriend and I were having this discussion, and I was wondering what you all think a woman’s value is after she’s had children and is no longer considered “young.” I’m scared that I won’t be as valuable for him as we get older and I’m not as beautiful as I once was. I don’t have married women in my life to ask this so any perspective is helpful! What do your husbands value in you, as a wife, past your sexual prime?",,1,[deleted],2021-06-08 00:13:55 RedPillWives,nszjvc,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,1,blushingoleander,2021-06-05 16:30:13 RedPillWives,nrxbuu,OYS Update,"Hi ladies, I was too busy to post my OYS on Monday, but I finally had time/mental clarity to write it tonight. I would rather share my thoughts now while they are fresh/current rather than wait until next week! Also- if you just want an update on my first post ""Married Red Pill"" about sending my husband the link to r/marriedredpill, just read the ""Relationship"" portion towards the end of this novel I ended up writing lol. OYS 4: Me: 27, Husband:33, Married 4 years, 2 daughters- 6mo and 3yo. SAHM Social: Still going well! I had a mom friend with her kids over for a playdate and it was a lot of fun! I have a few other people I should reach out too this week to schedule a get together, but I feel like Ive been swamped. Housekeeping: I was motivated this last week to sort the kids toys. OMG, how do I have so many toys for 2 small children??? I have given away so many stuffed animals and we still have like 30 in the house haha. I was able to put together 3 trash bags full of toys to give away and it felt great. I love getting rid of clutter. My house is small and its so much easier to keep everything organized when I just own less. On another note, can someone please tell me how to keep up with laundry? Its impossible! Im always like 3 loads behind. Kids: I have let the house get a little messy these last 2 weeks so I could spend more time with the kids. Its been nice. We have been going to the park, playing outside, building with blocks, reading books, doing so much imaginative/pretend play/ dancing etc. Ive really been having so much fun with my girls. They help to make me a “goddess of fun and light” when I slow down and just enjoy doing fun things with them :). Im lucky that my husband doesn’t mind when the housekeeping slips a bit. He likes a clean house just like I do. But we also both value quality time with our children as well. And he is understanding that I can’t do everything perfectly all the time. In fact, we had a conversation about how I can’t keep up with him. He likes that I can’t keep up with him. For us it kind of reinforces his leadership. Owning My Desires- Something I have been working on for over 6 months now is “owning my desires”. I realized how often I qualify my desires so I don’t feel selfish. I realize how often I use words such as “kind of” to feel out” if the other person is receptive to my desire.For example: \-1. “I kind of feel like pizza for dinner”… qualifying with “kind of” to see if my husband might want pizza too \-2. “Im kind of cold”… to see if the other person wants the heater on in the car. But qualified with “kind of” so I can still say that im fine if not. \-3. “Maybe we should go get coffee sometime”… using “sometime” and “maybe” so I won’t really get a rejection of the offer from a friend I know I could say things like more directly instead like this: \-1. I really want pizza for dinner \-2. I really cold! Can I turn on the heater? \-3. I’d love to talk to you more soon! Are you free to get coffee this weekend? Maybe our husbands can watch our kids for an hour or so :) Its like this awkward hinting around about my desire but being purposefully vague so I protect myself from feeling selfish or rejected. I am going to work on this. Relationship- My husband has changed so much since learning about MRP it’s really astounding. In my last OYS, I shared that my husband wants me to continue to shit test as I normally would, and if it starts to spiral, we have a conversation about it. I “stay on my paper” in these conversations as best as I can. I tell him how I am feeling and why. He listens and we move on. (He does not really get defensive at all anymore!) Ive noticed that these conversations are becoming unnecessary because often times he already knows what happened and my explaining is becoming redundant. Thats a really positive sign to me! He is learning a lot from the million books/MRP posts he has read in the last month. And he is recognizing that when he is inconsistent/ wavering/ indecisive etc, it makes me lose confidence and his leadership and my reaction is to shit test even more. Also, my husband and I are still enjoying discussing red pill since we are both so familiar with it now. It is everywhere. Once you know, you can see it in the relationships of everyone around you, in TV shows and movies and songs. Its fun to be able to discuss it with my husband! Sex- OMG we have had amazing sex multiple times the last few weeks. I am rarely one to sacrifice my beauty sleep, but we have stayed up until at least 1am like 4 nights over the last 2 weeks. We have been exploring new things sexually too. And, I feel like I have had a first taste of his “frame”. The first glimpse to who he his intrinsically and authentically. Like, I knew things about him: that he was a hard-worker, and adventurous and kind, and he prioritized family, fun, and achievement. But he has always been such a people-pleaser/ peace-maker. And I think that’s part of the reason why I felt like he wasn’t leading our relationship. Because ultimately he just wanted to please me/make me happy in our relationship. BUT, I feel like I am starting to see his authenticity coming through in his actions and interactions with me. I can tell he is thinking less (sometimes) and doing things that come naturally to him (sometimes). And when he does, OMG its such a turn on and the sex is freaking amazing. 😉",,17,Lightandlush,2021-06-04 05:19:07 RedPillWives,nsa6rm,Also OYS,"I too, missed the last OYS and decided to make a quick post. One of the things I needed to work on is my social media presence. I'm not on Facebook hardly ever, but when I do, I tended to post passive aggressive posts. I know why I did it, but that isn't important because no matter the reason, it was hurting my husband. He actually told me the other day that his boss was scoping my profile, and told him I looked like an honest and faithful wife but the posts did come across as concerning. I had already chosen to stop this behavior and this cemented it for me. However, it isn't enough to just stop and disappear. I want to make my social media a tribute to my husband and family, so everyone who sees it can see it reflects honor on them. I had a Twitter that I've barely used, and I just started an Instagram. My goal is to make posts showing the love and light I bring to my home and the love and light my husband bestows on me. If anyone would like to help me out, please consider letting me follow you so my pages can be filled with red pill inspiration for those who have it. I know red pill women by nature probably don't spend much time online, and for good reason. But for my growth and relationships, this is an important part of my routine for a little while. My Twitter is @2ndShiftWife My Instagram is hearthwarmer Thank you gals",,0,ezer_kenegdo,2021-06-04 17:10:35 RedPillWives,nqt7tx,Update to Dog Problem,"Hi ladies, I wanted to post an update to this post I made a month ago. https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/mzsx69/dog_dilemma/ I appreciated everyone’s advice so much! The timing of my question was interesting because right after I asked, I read this post - https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/n7kegs/men_are_not_made_of_porcelain/ Which was so perfect for my actual “dilemma” as well. I grew up the oldest child and was known to be “bossy” as a little girl, my parents nicknamed me “queenie” - I guess because I had to be in charge of everything! Now that I’ve been viewing my past relationships through a redpill lens, I’ve realized how as an adult when I thought I was being assertive, independent, or even “cute” in a bossy way, I actually probably sounded quite bitchy and unattractive. So even though I know men weren’t made of porcelain- I wanted to find a new way to communicate healthy boundaries and needs. And you ladies have me the perfect language. I waited until the next time we were together in person and his dog came up naturally in conversation at one point over lunch. I said something along the lines of, “yeah actually (dogs name) really worries me.” And he asked what I meant and I explained that I didn’t think the dog was a good listener, and he had nipped at me, and that makes me uncomfortable as a mom and I wasn’t sure that I wanted my daughters around him. In between bites he causally said something like, “yeah, that’s understandable. Maybe you can tell me some of that stuff you’re learning in dog training with your dogs.” Haha and that was it! I looped him in to some of the techniques and philosophy I’ve learned and he started implementing it right away. I tried not to be a know-it—all and would really only address issues that he brought up or asked about. I would say, “well the dog trainer said...” or “I tried this with my dogs and was amazed at what a difference it’s made” And honestly, there have been no more issues with the dog. He stopped jumping and my bf started commanding him and taking control of situations. I think the main thing was that the dog thought he was in charge and my bf had no idea. Like he thought it was fine if the dog pulled ahead on walks the whole time and didn’t realize that was signaling to the dog that he was alpha. Im sure there is more training to be done, but once the hierarchy was recalibrated, there were no more major issues. It was so refreshing to have an issue, bring it up in a non confrontational way, and then have such an easy solution! Thank you all for helping me find my words on how to approach this situation. :)",,23,Hot_Wasabi_4270,2021-06-02 18:52:15 RedPillWives,nqk6f5,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,12,blushingoleander,2021-06-02 12:01:18 RedPillWives,nqks1n,Mating On Captivity,"Has anyone ever read this? If so, what did you think? I've watched some of Edther Perel's TED talks but I wondered if it's worth getting the book?",,9,HappilyMrs,2021-06-02 12:35:42 RedPillWives,npscdn,The Scrapbook,"Tell us a story about your life as an RPW. This months theme is vetting. Some possible ideas: > How did you know he was the one or alternately, that he was not the one > ""Watch what he does"" - when did he do something that showed you who he was > The talk > First dates Discussions are encouraged. Share stories from your part or just miscellaneous thoughts. *This post will repeat for the month and then there will be a new topic. Feel free to suggest other topics*",,8,blushingoleander,2021-06-01 12:00:29 RedPillWives,np9j7f,Defining the use for a room.,"*Homekeeping is an ongoing art, a process, not an end product. It will never be “all done.” Bathrooms, clothes, and dishes, once clean, have a way of getting dirty again. But home is meant to be lived in, in the fullest, most potentially fulfilling way for everyone in it. That means that every room does not need to be picture perfect and waiting for a perfect display, but rather, each room has a sense of order and calmness to it. The home looks like someone lives there, without appearing messy or cluttered.* ~Mrs’s Dunwoddy’s Excellent Instructions for Housekeeping I read my husband this quote and said, “I have no idea how to do this. I only know the in between - absolute mess or perfection”. He said, “I know what it is. It’s when you define a room and it has a purpose and the things in it are all contributing to that purpose. Like yes dishes in the sink happen and don’t look like a huge mess, but dishes on the side table in the living room aren’t supposed to be there and it looks cluttered and messy”. He talked about our living room that has the school bookshelf and computer in there along with boxes of books to be donated, a tub of toys that isn’t ours, and an arts and crafts shelf. He explained as long as those are there this is a school room. And it will feel chaotic if you are trying to sit in here and relax because you can’t relax in a school room. This all finally clicked for me and it feels like an epiphany. We talked about how we can arrange it so when people come in this room can be a welcome calm instead of feeling like chaos. I was worried about money (we’d like to set up a sitting area) and he said “we will figure that part out - it’s not a big deal”. We came up with a plan to redecorate this room to line it up with our expectations. Of course the other part of this is not having more than we need. Which is definitely a problem for us. I have a hard time saying no - so when friends offer me clothes or whatever hand me downs they are passing along I just quietly accept and we have more clutter. Anyway so the point of this was discussing the idea of the purpose of a room. What rooms do you have and what are their purpose? Does that help it feel calmer in your home? How do you achieve that lived in, not messy not perfect feel in your home?",,20,anothergoodbook,2021-05-31 18:08:34 RedPillWives,np1ryc,Own Your Stuff,"Hello Ladies, time for another round of OYS. This can be a valuable tool to assess your successes and failures over the last week, receive input and advice from like-minded women, share your progress, and prioritize your goals for the coming week. Provide updates about different areas of your life such as homemaking, parenting, relationship with SO, health (mental and physical) , beauty, hobbies, social etc. Don't be shy! Bring both the serious and the trivial into discussion. Start with your stats: relationship status/ ages/ kids, how long you have been married or dating, and anything else you deem very important. For example: Me: 27, Husband 33. 2 daughters, 6 months, 3 yrs, SAHM Single ladies are more than welcome to post as well :)",,11,blushingoleander,2021-05-31 12:00:18 RedPillWives,nofcw3,"If MRP is RP on hard mode for men, what is RPW on hard mode?","Something that I started wondering about whilst tackling my weeding. What do you think? Having a man who struggles to fulfil his desired role as provider due to disability and the impact on his sense of self-worth from that? Bad past experiences with men (desertion, adultery, DV)? Something else? Hope you're all having a good day",,10,HappilyMrs,2021-05-30 16:58:51 RedPillWives,nnr132,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,14,blushingoleander,2021-05-29 16:30:14 RedPillWives,nmzdpn,Dealing with monotony,"Ladies, here’s my struggle. I am working on decluttering and keeping to a routine for keeping my house tidy. How do you deal with doing the dishes *again*? I have PMs and cramps so just pulling myself out of bed was hard this morning. Just to be met with a messy kitchen that needs to be cleaned... again. I’m trying to find joy in what I do. I’m trying to be content. But it’s really dang hard.",,21,anothergoodbook,2021-05-28 14:44:40 RedPillWives,nmtial,Can't be it all,"((As I was replying to u/Lightandlush , I ended up going off on a little musing, and I want to share it here, just to see if it resonates with anyone else too)) The modern pressures of women needing to be everything and do everything is exhausting! Raise the kids, have a well-paid career, be a happy wife, look beautiful but dont make too much effort because he should love you just as you are but you should still have make-up artist style skills and an ass like the Kardashians but dieting is betraying other women. You should not need a man at all, but need him enough to keep him or just have several FWB because you have needs too, and you get yours!. Be tolerant of your man's failings but also mock them with your girlfriends and call him a man-child. Have strong friendships but not as strong as with your husband though he wont ever understand you like they do babes. Have a social life that isn't just the kids but also is the kids and a million cool after-school activities that you can't afford. Be rich but also don't own anything fancy because that's showing off, or be poor but dont feel like you want more because that's just being envious. Cook well but fit it around a 40 hour a week job and having grown up in a house where your mum worked and you never had it modelled for you. Breastfeed but dont let your kids become clingy but also dont show your boobs at all when you do, they're attracting men which is good and also bad and your body is totally your own to do what you want with, unless it's not slaving for an employer for shitty wages. Use daycare but dont let it affect the time you should be spending with them. Maintain your childlike joy but also be a strong independent woman. Support your husband when he's low but he should just manage it alone because you won't do his emotional labour, but make sure he does yours. Run a tight ship in your home, but also dont take on the mental load! Argh! Why must we be equal-and-the-same, rather than equal-but-different? I dont want to be a man. I have never, ever wanted to. I want to be at peace in myself. That means me doing the things I naturally get happiness from, being free to homemake and love the simple things, nurture and create and dance and sing and learn and laugh. I want to feel and welcome the emotional tides ebb and flow. I don't want to be firm and stoic all the time. I want to squeal with excitement when I see a cute cat that wants to be fussed, or cry at the sheer awe of being on a plane and seeing the clouds like a bird does. I want to be moved by movies, and books, and the stories of people around me. I want delight at the kiss of my child, to bathe my face in the moonlight, to walk barefoot on grass or sand and feel that connection with mother earth. I want to be cherished. I want to bring a smile to the face of my child. I want to bring out the protection and adoration of my husband when he sees me light up at telling him a funny story of my day, or when I laugh at myself. I want to feel his strength and peace when I feel small as can be within his arms. I want to be treasured, to inspire wonder. I don't want to be both the rock and the ocean. No-one can manage to be both all the time. Something will have to give eventually, the stone will get worn down by the waves, or the water will get trapped in a rock pool. Eventually, neither will be at its best. I don't want that. I want the freedom to live in the femininity my soul has. But the modern world says no, your soul is wrong, you've been conditioned, you've internalised misogyny and hatred of women! But how can I have when I love the facets and flow of being a woman? I'm not telling any other woman how she should act, or any man how he should counterpart that. I'm not telling anyone their soul is wrong or their relationship is wrong. I'm not telling women they must submit to a man. People are free to follow their hearts and souls. I simply ask that I am still allowed to follow mine, in a world that says I must have it all, whether I want it all or not.",,24,HappilyMrs,2021-05-28 08:55:21 RedPillWives,nm3x04,"In the modern era, what should a man's protection actually look like?","We are not in times historical where labour was hard, invaders were a frequent threat, and violence was a daily feature. So much has changed in terms of the challenges of our daily lives, from safety in workplaces, laws, rights, and technology. So what do you see now as the things that men _should_ do in a traditional relationship that provides protection? How does this differ between 2-worker and single-worker families? Which of these things are important to you?",,33,HappilyMrs,2021-05-27 09:51:43 RedPillWives,nlf7qf,I need to vent about my neighbor for a moment,"This may or may not be the right place, but I’m just so flipping upset. I’m white. Yes this is important later as my neighbor is an African American older woman. She is so mean and nasty. I do not even know how to describe this. She has accused us of calling her the N-word (never ever happened). She told us that we threatened to shoot her (nope - she threatened to shoot our dog). If I’m outside while she is, she will shout nasty things at me - calling me white trash, saying my “nasty behind” doing so and so. My children are afraid to go outside because she says these things to them. Talking to her has not worked because once again she shouts these crazy accusations. She has on more than one occasion accused us of raising racist kids (because they are afraid of her it must be her skin color - that’s what she’s has said). She constantly threatens to call the police on us for ridiculous things (getting water in her lawn, mowing our yard “wrong”, kids playing in the yard, etc). She tells me that all the neighbors hate us for just existing. They place music on their porch 24/7 but just loud enough that only we can hear it. I normally block it out, but being called nasty as I’m walking in the house this morning just nearly made me cry. I’m so frustrated by this awful person living next door that I can do nothing about. I’ve gotten into one argument with her where admittedly I did say I thought she needed to see a doctor because she has a mental illness because there’s just something wrong with her. But seriously - I’m ready to move... but I don’t want one singular person to force us out of our home. Anyway - thanks for reading :)",,20,anothergoodbook,2021-05-26 11:58:43 RedPillWives,nlr55n,I am about to move in with my bf and I am nervous,"Hey ladies, I'm 22 my bf is 32. We have been together a year. I love him and admire him so much he is amazing. He is a very high earner which is great. Atm I am working full time and earning a decent wage but nothing compared to him. I am living with my parents atm. I am also super excited about being with him all the time! I want to, at some point, give up my job and be a homemaker for him. However I don't want to do that really until we're married or at least engaged and I really want him to propose. He says that he wants to see what it's like living together first which I totally get. But it has made me a bit nervous. I don't know how much he is going to expect of me he really deserves someone to greet him everyday when he comes home and have dinner all cooked and waiting and everything tidy but I'm not sure how I can do that when I am working too and I'm worried that he'll expect more and that he says that he wants to see what its like living together before proposing and I'm worried I'll won't be able to do enough. He can be a bit messy atm but ig all men living alone are. Atm I stay with him about half the time but he will surely expect more when I actually live there. I just don't know how I will be able to cook and clean and make sure I look my best for him everything while also working full time. Any tips?",,0,ImaginaryWeb9546,2021-05-26 20:49:38 RedPillWives,nkgszf,OYS 3,"Hello Ladies, time for another round of OYS. This can be a valuable tool to assess your successes and failures over the last week, receive input and advice from like-minded women, share your progress, and prioritize your goals for the coming week. Provide updates about different areas of your life such as homemaking, parenting, relationship with SO, health (mental and physical) , beauty, hobbies, social etc. Don't be shy! Bring both the serious and the trivial into discussion. Start with your stats: relationship status/ ages/ kids, how long you have been married or dating, and anything else you deem very important. For example: Me: 27, Husband 33. 2 daughters, 6 months, 3 yrs, SAHM Single ladies are more than welcome to post as well :)",,9,Lightandlush,2021-05-25 04:11:45 RedPillWives,nk4vwp,I am planning on quitting my 6 figure career to be a housewife and I'm freaking the hell out,"Required info: Him 41, Me 38, together 9 years, married 4. Remainder should be below. I'm a bit late to the housewife game at 38. My kids are in fact school age. The reasoning behind this change is my job related stress and anxiety are wreaking havoc on our home life. I have switched my place of employment several times but each time after a year of perfectionism and being labeled the perfect worker I can't keep it up. I become consumed my my job and I cannot seem to find balance. Because I am a practitioner I have so much responsibility and cannot ""leave it at work."" I fret constantly. This pisses my husband off to no end. I come home mentally and physically exhausted and have let cooking, cleaning and even helping my kids with their school work fall apart. I don't know HOW people work full time and cook, clean, raise their kids. I thought it was depression, anxiety, ADHD. I saw a doctor and got put on a slew of.medication which has been modified here and there but frankly I feel more irritable, anxious and just cannot find pleasure in anything anymore. I struggle to transition from being the one in charge at work, calling the shots, and having to be very assertive to coming home and being soft, and feminine. I struggle with anger at how I am disrespected at work a lot for being a woman (example: handed a full urinal by patients instead of them listening to my diagnosis and treatment plan, they assume I am their nurse or aide, while the male social worker is assumed to be the provider, it's exhausting and no matter how many times I explain it they just don't get it). I bring this saltiness home and it's absolutely wrong, I know that. Financially. We have a plan to pay off our IRS debt by pulling out equity of our rental property. Between the remainder of that rental income, and my husband's income we will still have about 100k to live on. My husband was initially very hesitant about the idea of me not working. He doesn't understand the concept of me giving up 130k and I get that, but he also understands I cannot go on like this. I have thought about part time but I think of I took at least a few months off to recalibrate I can decide about that. My husband has said he will support me in this but I feel tremendously guilty. You know that feeling where he says ""It's fine, this is what you need to do so we will do it."" But you know deep.down it's not what he would want. I can't shake feeling like a failure. I want so badly to prove my value as a wife and mother again. Rediscover my love of cooking, organize our cluttered house, stay on top of the laundry and get my kids of their damn screens and back into reality. But I can't shake this feeling that it won't be good enough and that my husband will harbor resentment for the change in lifestyle/income. I also feel this shame from years of feminist culture telling me to ""get it girl"" with my career and many of my female.colleqgues shame housewives and SAHM. I have this awful dual shame. Shitty mom Shitty wife vs Weak and failure at career. And of course, what if I SUCK at being a full-time wife and mother after all. I've worked my whole adult life, and never taken more than 3 months off after my babies and the standard vacation time. Any insight, experience, advice is so welcomed TLDR: Planning on quitting 6 figure career to stay home and be a better wife and mother and feel guilty, scared and fearful my husband might resent me for it.",,42,iwishiwasamermaid,2021-05-24 18:36:05 RedPillWives,nk70ic,How to act more feminine?,"I know that looking feminine is the most important thing, but not sure how to come off as feminine in other ways. This is like when you're out and about meating new people I want to come off feminine to people when I first meet them in ways other than appearance. I know etiquette is very important but what else?",,5,AgreeableSpinach6989,2021-05-24 20:07:07 RedPillWives,njgotq,Meals,"By the end of the day- I am so *done*. I used to be the queen the meal planning and getting dinner on the table and having a healthy family meal. Lately (the last couple of years) - I remember we need to eat at like 4:30 and scramble to put something together. Most people just sort of wander in the kitchen and grab something and wander back to whatever they were doing before. Wednesday, Fridays, and every other weekend are spent at work. I’m homeschooling 4 kids through the day. I am also trying to get more organized and tidy. I need some seriously easy meals that perhaps use ingredients I can use again (like of I cook up a whole bunch of ground beef or chicken breast). Help!!",,10,anothergoodbook,2021-05-23 20:40:31 RedPillWives,nji448,I'm struggling with being at home and not really seeing people,"Hey ladies. So atm I'm at uni but, due to covid, doing all my uni work remotely from home at parents house! It has been a bit tough as I don't really agree with my parents on a lot of things. I feel I have been super lazy with stuff like putting makeup on and picking out a nice outfit each day and I justify it to myself as well no one will see me so it doesn't matter but know this is wrong just not sure how to motivate myself to change this? I feel I am also getting a bit depressed at being at home all the time as I really want to meet people and I really want to find a man and move in with him and move out. I am trying to cook everyday at least my mum has never been great at this she works too late and mainly uses the microwave. Just a bit fed up really. I am trying to go for a run everyday and do yoga everyday but I haven't been as dedicated towards this as I should be. I just feel a bit lonely as all my friends are feminists and like I just feel like no guy would want me in this mental state I am a mess and I am struggling to improve.",,5,AgreeableSpinach6989,2021-05-23 21:44:58 RedPillWives,nindb7,Soft Place to Land,"Hi ladies, back to back posts today. But I have been meditating on this phrase from Laura Doyle's Surrendered Wife and thought I would share my thoughts and hopefully get input as well. How can I be a ""soft place to land"" for my husband? 1. Receptivity. I know receptivity is one way. Laura Doyle said ""receptivity is the essence of feminity"". I can work to be receptive- to his thoughts on politics (even when I think he is ill-researched), to his suggestions for weekend plans (even if they are spontaneous), to his affection (even when I am busy). The last one is so hard for me. My husband is still working from home (since covid started) and I have a tendency to get irritated when he interrupts my daily flow with childcare and housework. He will try to kiss me and I will tense up and kind of push him away. Suggestions on how to deal with this? 2. Gentleness. Gentleness is an inherently feminine trait I feel I need to cultivate. I feel that my personality is naturally rather brash and strong-willed. How do you ladies show gentleness with your husbands? 3. Home environment. I love my house and I know my husband does too. He says that all my decorating makes it home. Our house is definitely not something out of a catalog. It is filled with plants and too many colors and a dash of chaos. But it fits us 💕 Prior to covid I loved making sure the house was all clean and the pillows were fluffed and the toys were picked up before my husband got home. But now he is home all the time, and with 2 kids under 3 I can't keep the house clean all the time. And I'm struggling to create this peaceful atmosphere. In a ideal world for me, he would go back to work and when he came home the kids and I could greet him with the clean house and a snack/ drink (coffee or tea). But I'm struggling with this now. 4. Kids. I want to be a soft place to land for my kids. I had a severe bout of depression at the beginning of 2020. I'm almost glad it happened because the therapy and medication helped me to work on my other issues such as irritability and anger. I don't yell at my kids anymore. But I do still snap at my toddler when she doesn't listen. Any recommendations on how to deal with toddler rebellion? How to parent as a mother instead of as a father? And any advice or input about being a ""soft place to land"" for your husband?",,26,Lightandlush,2021-05-22 17:17:35 RedPillWives,nix1sd,There’s no such thing as women’s liberation on the left,,https://i.redd.it/lgnyxpy7wr071.jpg,5,Vintageforestfae,2021-05-23 01:28:25 RedPillWives,nin5b7,My Anxious Mind/ Shit Testing,"Hi Ladies, I have always had issues with depression and anxiety. And I have relied on my husband to be stronger than me, so when I reach my breaking point, he is there to help and support me. I have noticed that when I sense that my husband is not at his best- when he is tired/ frazzled/ stressed/ frustrated etc, I shit test like crazy (by feeling and acting irritated at him). I think it is an anxiety response- in my anxious mind, if he is tired/ stressed etc, he won't be able to support me, and then I am on my own, and can't rely on him, so then why should I act submissive/respectful/obedient to him. So I shit test (usually by saying things in an obviously annoyed tone) with the results being either 1) he passes the shit test (which I want because it shows me he is still in control and can take care of me OR 2) he fails the shit test (which shows my anxious mind that I can't rely on him and I have to be the strong one, which makes me feel so anxious and irritated and display increasingly disrespectful/ power-grabbing behavior). The crazy thing is that even being aware of all of this, the impulse for me to shit test is so strong, I continue to do it, even if it means I am acting disrespectfully towards my husband. I feel like I fail as a ""surrendered wife"" because I try to control that impulse, but I so desperately desire for my husband to show me that he is stronger/ dominant over me, that I continue to do it. Any advice or input? Does anyone else feel they doing anything similar? Please note I am not trying to justify my disrespectful behavior (it makes me feel INCREDIBLY GUILTY and b\*tchy honestly), but I do feel I am starting to understand the cause...",,10,Lightandlush,2021-05-22 17:07:11 RedPillWives,nilpbt,How to find a man?,"Hey ladies. I'm 21, just about to finish my degree and could probably go and get a good job. But I feel like my entire life my family have kinda expected me to go and get a good job and a good degree and what I really want is to just start a family and maybe not even work. But I have just no idea where to meet someone who will want this and idk how to get a guy like that attracted to me. I kinda want someone a little older but not too old and fairly good looking and who earns a wage comfortably enough to support a family. I dated one guy for 2 years and he was nice but I don't think he was like that or we really connected.",,2,AgreeableSpinach6989,2021-05-22 15:59:21 RedPillWives,ngz4a3,Sub related stuff- a new type of field report,"We (u/teaandtalk and I) were chatting about ways to breathe some fresh content into the sub. One thought has been to revamp the concept of the field report. Male ""success in the field"" reports are not quite the same as women's reports and our subs should reflect the difference. So instead of ""yo bro I got laid by an hb10 within 10 minutes of meeting her"", we would create more of a ""dear diary"" field report. Post stories old and new about your relationship interactions. Post shower thought. Post how you got to the big moments (even of those big moments happened a decade ago) or a mundane comment that has rpw relevance. Ideally we would begin to build a tapestry of what it means to be an RPW as well as get some more discussion going in the sub. I'm going to follow this with another post that is *one* example of what I mean. Let us know what you think, if the community is interested and what we should call these new field reports. Any feedback is appreciated. Example. https://redd.it/ngzhdi",,31,blushingoleander,2021-05-20 12:39:46 RedPillWives,ngzhdi,Dear Diary / Field Report - Tit for Tat Vacations,"https://redd.it/ngz4a3 This is intended to be a variation on the traditional field report, the link above is for the meta discussion on the new concept. *** My husband is camping for the next five days. I'm holding down the fort with a 7 month old and a 2 year old who is at the height of her ""two-ness"". My mom's comment was that I should take as many long weekends as he does if he's going to ""disappear like this"". I gave up on my mom a long time ago. And I *am* visiting a friend next month at her fab new beach house. But the tit for tat suggestion really got under my skin. I think every RPW knows that it's a bad way to run a relationship. Taken to it's logical conclusion we would have to keep track of everything. Does he spend the same amount on tools as I spend on clothes and make up. Do I put in the same hours doing dishes as he does mowing the lawn? The weekends away are the same. Life will afford us different opportunities over the course of it. I can't go away as long right now but that's not his fault. I believe that as long as things aren't entirely one sided (which would be a bad relationship) then it will all even out over our lifetime. So I lightened my workload for the next few days and I'm making a point to have mommy time with my kids. And J will come back from his trip relaxed and happy. It can be good for all of us without keeping score.",,17,blushingoleander,2021-05-20 12:56:30 RedPillWives,ngsxc1,How do you deal with disappointment?,"Hello! Recently, I've realized that I've been having trouble dealing with disappointment in a mature and collected way, and sometimes blow things out of proportion. For instance, when my mother accidentally bought me the wrong paper the day before my honeymoon trip (I was planning to paint there as well), I got upset, had to spend 15 minutes venting in my diary about this situation, and it wasn't until my husband cuddled me and offered to order the proper paper on the Internet that my mood went back to normal. A similar situation happened yesterday. Me any my husband were planning to visit a café, that (according to my mother-in-law) served the best coffee and cheesecake in our country. Sadly, the place went bancrupt during the pandemic and had to shut down. Upon seeing this, my husband offered to go to a nearby ice-cream shop. I agreed, but still made a rude comment about the government using the pandemic to destroy local businesses and keep people dependant on large companies for income to make them complacent. How do you deal with similar situations in the moment? Is it best to bite your tongue, and get reflect on the situation after about an hour if it still bothers you, or are there other, better ways to manage them?",,7,golden_eyed_cat,2021-05-20 06:36:48 RedPillWives,nf2ecn,Another Round of OYS,"Hello Ladies, time for another round of OYS- own your stuff! (Not own your sh\*t, because my husband hates when I cuss, and I'm trying to actually work on this, lol.) This can be a valuable tool to assess how you succeeded and failed over the last week(s), receive input and advice from like-minded women, and prioritize your goals for the coming week(s). Areas to include in your OYS can include topics such as homemaking, parenting, relationship with SO, health (mental and physical) , beauty, hobbies, social etc. Don't be shy! Bring both the serious and the trivial into discussion. Also, try include a brief summary at the begging of your OYS, like HappilyMrs did last week- with your relationship status/ ages/ kids, how long you have been married or dating, and anything else you deem very important. For example: Me: 27, Husband 33. 2 daughters, 6 months, 3 yrs, SAHM Also, single ladies aspiring for marriage are more than welcome to post as well :)",,11,Lightandlush,2021-05-18 05:39:13 RedPillWives,ndsfyn,Responding versus reacting?,"I’m sure you all are tired of my posts lol. I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching and Bible study and prayer. This has led me to see where I *thought* I was and where I *actually* am emotionally, spiritually, physically etc. This has all been done at the encouragement of some ladies here and in /r/redpillwomen. So thank you for your honest feedback. Here is where I am stuck: how do I stop reacting and instead pause, take stock of what’s being said, and respond? Edit: This is one major reason, according to my husband, that he doesn’t talk to me about much. He is worried that I’ll react, make it all about me, and it will become an argument. I will give an example: I asked my husband to purchase birdseed for a project for my daughter’s scout group. He was willing to, with the agreement that I would keep it cleaned up. There’s history to this so let’s go back a year... birdseed got spilled in the garage which made the already present mice very happy. I didn’t get in there quickly and clean it up. My husband was not happy about this. So back to present day. He asked that I either find a container to put it in or use it up quickly or throw away the rest that I didn’t use (all totally valid, right?). The kids got the bag out after I used the portion I needed and refilled our bird feeder. It didn’t get put away. I was aware of it, but it sat out for about a week. I finally told the kids to put it away - someone put it in the laundry room where the seam tore and it spilled all over the floor. It was not torn when I went in that room on Thursday, but it got noticed on Friday. Finally to the point of this. He was walking past and saw the torn back and let out a “oh for fuck’s sake. Really?” I saw it and went “oh no! I’m so sorry...”he interrupted and said “no I don’t want to hear it”. I didn’t say anything, but I did tear up and walked away. Later we had a big huge argument over it (me bringing it up). Me, feeling dismissed by the way he talked to me and him, feeling unheard and disrespected because I didn’t take care of it in the first place. Two days of arguing and I woke up Saturday to realize I was the idiot. I was totally in the wrong. Had I just 1) did what I agreed to in the first place with the birdseed and 2) not reacted about his tone with me, but acknowledged that I screwed up we could have had no arguing and no stress this weekend. I’m sitting here reading a marriage book taking about how we respond to correction from our husbands. And the reality is I get super defensive and angry. I feel like he’s got it out for me and I need to protect myself instead of seeing the truth of it. Which is I made a mistake (and really neglected my responsibility and was inconsiderate). I’m working on the not being neglectful of my duties and following through on what I agree to do. But how in the world do I stop becoming defensive? How do I stop and evaluate what is being said and not just jump to “my husband is trying to hurt me”. How do I come to a place where instead of reacting out of emotion, I can start responding intentionally? Whew that was long ! Sorry!",,14,anothergoodbook,2021-05-16 16:50:37 RedPillWives,nbjd60,Hi! I’m a 22 year old female that has never really dated. How can I know what I want in a man?,"I’m a total rookie! Never even kissed a guy. I would really appreciate some advice on what I should be focusing on, how to figure out what sort of partner I want, etc.",,27,Cricketymik,2021-05-13 15:32:14 RedPillWives,nbs10y,Fake lashes,"Sorry if this is a bit basic, but do you wear false lashes? If so, which what type, and how often? Thank you",,3,HappilyMrs,2021-05-13 21:34:07 RedPillWives,nacs23,Own Your Stuff,"Hi ladies, has Red Pill Wives considered doing a weekly check in, where users can comment about their successes and failures of the last week, and list goals for the next week? (Like own your sh\*t in married red pill). I saw Red Pill Women is starting to do that, but personally I would feel much more comfortable on this women-moderated forum with women desiring specifically to improve or enter a long term relationship. I might be a nice way to increase user interaction, get to know each other, and receive ongoing perspective and advice about different areas of our lives. Also, a great opportunity for self-reflecting! We could even include categories (maybe health/ beauty/ kids if applicable/ relationship/ social/ work if applicable/ homemaking/ hobbies). And individuals could include different categories more applicable to their lives.",,25,Lightandlush,2021-05-12 01:07:58 RedPillWives,n9iffd,Red Pill dating tips if you're socially awkward and timid? How to let a man lead and when to be assertive/protective of yourself?,,,9,softshadesofcream,2021-05-10 22:50:09 RedPillWives,n7yvwg,Not wanting marriage due to government,"Hello everyone I’m in a loving relationship with my boyfriend. We’re roughly conservative with family values ? How do I explain that married or not the government will be involved or any other argument to bring to this conversation. He wants to be with me forever so that is not the problem lol . Thank you for reading my posts ladies His views: he is Christian and he basically wants to be married without the contract and service, he feels like us being married “legally “ is another way of the government being in our business My views: I am a Christian born and raised and always was told the importance marrying in the eyes of God I don’t really care about a “traditional “ wedding and rather get married in a forest chapel since were more countryside kind of people",,5,Vintageforestfae,2021-05-08 21:25:45 RedPillWives,n7a3dx,When Am I Too Much?,"Since having our first child, I initially quit my job and stayed home completely for 6 months. At 6 months someone reached out to me with an opportunity that was amazing and and REMOTE! My husband was completely supportive in that the main thing was I’d be able to stay at home with our son... which was the only way either of us ever considered me going back to work (unless the kids were out of school). The crazy part is that I make more money than my husband.... however .... he provides 100% and the money I make goes into and sit in our account/retirement and pays for fun things..... sometimes he feels stressed financially and refuses to use any money I earn towards our bills because as a man he should provide for him family. Is it wrong of me to try and help him so he isn’t feeling stressed? Note: when I say I work from home I work a total of 4 hours a day (3 of which our son is napping), I keep our home clean and food cooked... so nothing is lacking in that aspect....",,8,[deleted],2021-05-07 21:55:29 RedPillWives,n5bd2c,Help me find an article/blog post please,"I read an article or blog post that was addressed to men about them needing to improve themselves. It was designed to be sent anonymously. It was definitely RP. I cannot for the life of me find it in my bookmarks, and it's very unlikely that I got it from anywhere but reddit as none of my other social media is RP. Thank you",,10,HappilyMrs,2021-05-05 08:52:07 RedPillWives,n4fu8f,Married Red Pill,"Hi ladies, I am married to my husband of 5 years (with 2 small children). He is so sweet, and kind and hardworking, and he loves me so much. Our relationship is solid with a big ""BUT"". I've always been attracted to more dominant/ take charge men. My husband is like that in his work/ social life/ hobbies etc but for some reason has never been like that with me. We will both SAY that we want him to lead our family, but we can't seem to actually make this happen. He feels that I am making a decision to not be submissive to him. And I feel like he (inadvertently) keeps giving me control/ final say in things regarding our relationship/ kids/ family etc, and that makes it SO HARD for me to TRUST him/ submit to him, when it seems like he doesn't trust himself. Anyways, I discovered TRP and Married Red Pill about a month ago and oh my goodness, I feel the more I read, the more I understood my own feelings, even those I couldn't verbalize or understand before. My question is this: Would you ladies (and men?) recommend me sending my husband to the link Married Red Pill and kind of just telling him... that this is what I want? Do you think that is a terrible idea? Thank you for your input, and I am happy to be here in this community :)",,29,Lightandlush,2021-05-04 04:22:30 RedPillWives,n42gl0,Updating “I feel done”,"I so so appreciated the input. I’m glad for this community. My husband and I ended up having a fairly heated discussion about everything I mentioned and more. He said he is committed to me and we both need to practice more grace, kindness, and forgiveness. I said that was hard for me because I’ve been there and been incredibly hurt. So I’ve got my guard up and am quite defensive. I’ve been doing as some suggested and just really working on me. I’ve been getting out for walks and doing self care and focusing on both my physical health and mental health. I did plan a date for us this weekend which went somewhat okay (a little disagreement over handling stupid drivers on the road). I got a new dress and tried to look really nice for him (which he appreciated). I’ve also been trying to practice gratitude and praying for him. We were talking at a family gathering and he mentioned how worried he is about an issue in our bathroom. I brought it up later and asked about it. He said he’s trying to just mentally deal with his work and the house(possible bathroom leak) and the kids and our marriage he tends to shut down. He doesn’t want me to be worried about all those things so he doesn’t talk to me about it. I’ve backed off completely with sex and letting him lead on it. Nothing astounding as it’s been a couple weeks, but figured I’d give a brief update on how things are going.",,17,anothergoodbook,2021-05-03 17:48:41 RedPillWives,n14vwt,Advice for juggling ambitious desires and feminine desires,"I read some theory in RPW that everyone has more masculine/feminine energy in them. Masculine energy is defined as being more purpose driven, whereas feminine is being more concerned with relationships. Despite having worked very hard to attain feminine qualities (I made a list in one of my posts), by nature I am very logical and left-brained. I have tried looking at ancient archetypes such as The Sage — the Greek goddess Athena for example was one such example that proves women can be logical and still feminine. However, I still feel insecure, because I’m extremely ambitious when it comes to knowledge and learning, to the point it takes up a lot of my energy and time. I’m definitely more purpose driven, and am the kind of person who would enjoy the challenge of starting my own STEM-related business. At work, I’m also commanding and aggressive where assertion about ideas that make sense is needed — and I enjoy it. Meanwhile, my life outside of work is relaxed and feminine. I hang out with mostly close girlfriends, work on my fitness, host dinners with family and volunteer with children. But I’m still very logical, ambitious and left-brained. I don’t see myself ever giving up my dreams to support a man’s unless our purposes align, because I find great fulfilment in working. If I’m being honest with myself, the desire to have children and raise them right is great, but I am not confident that I will be a good mother because my mind is always on my purpose. Because of this drive inside me, sometimes I feel defective as a woman. I wonder if it’s possible for me to lead a purpose driven life in the daytime and come home and be a nurturer when I come home. Both sides are me. It feels tiring to live with these opposing energies inside me because they are like night and day. There’s like no frame of reference. Edit: It may be worth mentioning that I’ve tried to play the support role to two ambitious partners before, putting my dreams on hold, and both of them ended up treating me badly.",,17,TranslatedSky,2021-04-29 13:56:07 RedPillWives,mzsx69,Dog dilemma,"I love the advice on this column! I’m curious if there are any red pill solutions for this current issue I have with the man I’m dating. We’re a fairly new couple and have been dating since January, but we are older (36f; 38m), know what we want, and I think we both feel like this could be something real. He’s just the kind of man I like - masculine, strong, responsible, good values, kind, generous, and handy. He’s never been married before. I’m divorced with 2 children (ages 9&11). He owns his own home on a piece of land in the country and he has one dog (7). The dog is poorly behaved and not trained. I don’t think my bf realizes this or it doesn’t seem to bother him? The dog doesn’t follow commands and he seems to be overly anxious. For example, the dog will tear up the leather in his truck if left alone in the vehicle. The dog will demand to play fetch ALL DAY LONG and will not follow a command to go lay down. Because my bf is on his own, I don’t think this has really been an issue. He doesn’t have people over very often and the dog is just considered the protector of the property when he’s at work. The dog bit a neighbor when he came over to visit and my bf was not home. He is a herding dog and obviously needs a job and something to do all day to burn off his energy. My bf is aware of this. I feel generally safe around the dog and I don’t let him jump on me. He is generally just sweet and playful, but I do not feel like he’s under control. I think the dog considers himself the pack leader. My bf insists the dog is fine around kids and women, that he’s only ever shown aggression around males, but honestly he just doesn’t seem to know a lot about dogs and I don’t think he sees the dog clearly. He’ll make excuses like “he’s just anxious” or “he just wants to cuddle” when the dog won’t get off the couch. I’ve been making sort of sideways glances and small comments about how the dog is a “nut,” but i am wondering what is the RP way to approach this? I feel like if I don’t say something, my passive aggressive comments will get worse. Should I just let it go and hope he sees the issue? I have 2 dogs that are way more chill, and listen well to me, but we are doing training classes to teach my daughters how to train them. Maybe he’ll get the hint watching us go through the classes? I want to be straight forward but not critical and judgey - even though I am feeling critical and judgey! I don’t really want my kids around the dog. And honestly I want the man I date to have control over his animal. Also, is this a warning sign (eg what he would be like as a dad) of a bigger problem? Or is just that he doesn’t know what dogs need? When we’ve talked about parenting, he seems like he’s a believer in a fairly strict approach - which is the same as me. But that’s easy to say when you don’t have actually children. What do you all think?",,2,Hot_Wasabi_4270,2021-04-27 16:53:37 RedPillWives,myb813,Feeling done,"I’ve been hanging out here for a while (under different names at times). And I’ve been trying to work on myself for the sake of my marriage. But I’m so so tired of doing it and just not seeing him make the same (or even many) efforts. It’s like him saying “I’m trying” is supposed to be good enough. But me saying it is not at all good enough. We’ve been in quarantine the last few weeks. I kept saying how much I looked forward to him being out of isolation and to hug and kiss him. He barely gave me a kiss on the day he got out. We had sex that evening. And that’s about it. Then the kids tested positive and he’s shut me out because of his OCD again. I would ask “you seem bothered by something are you okay” through clenched teeth “I’m fine”. But I get the cold shoulder for 2 weeks. We are seriously living entirely like roommates. We haven’t said I love you in at least a week and there’s been maybe one kiss (just a peck). And maybe a 2 second conversation here or there about household things. In the past I would have been freaking out over what I did and how to fix things and how to get things back in order. And I’ve done that. But I have no desire. Not even an ounce to try and out any of that energy into it. When he’s feeling better and out of his mood he might make some half hearted attempt. I don’t know. I just don’t care. I read the marriage books, listen to podcasts, get on forums like this - he doesn’t do any of it. He thinks he can muscle through whatever’s wrong and if it doesn’t work it’s my fault (I’m too picky or want too many things). I’m tired of trying figure out what to wear to bed at night to make him attracted to me. I’m tired of trying to plan date nights that are just not prioritized by him. I’m trying of trying to meet his love language when he can’t be bothered to meet mine (doesn’t come naturally to him - y’know). I’m tired of always walking around like I’m flawed and it’s all on my shoulders to be better, do better... so that he’ll engage or initiate sex or whatever... Anyway... I’m tired. I have no one else to really talk to here at the moment. And I’m so freaking lonely. AND my period is going to start any day so there’s that on top of everything...",,24,anothergoodbook,2021-04-25 16:01:16 RedPillWives,mtqnju,Yellow flag?,"Funny enough some of my past topics in posts have actually become quite relevant as of lately. (Especially the one about commitment and sex!) I’m dating someone at the moment who I find quite wonderful, we have a 10 year age gap but we have similar backgrounds (immigrants from more old fashioned cultures), he’s very much leading and providing through dates we have (though I have surprised him myself with my own treat in between), our conversations are really engaging and we have many similar interests (history and philosophy and we dive pretty deep), we’ve also discussed our families and situations growing up - I must also say that we are quite attracted to each other, though he’s a lot more vocal about that. I still try and compliment when it works smoothly into the conversation. We’ve been going on dates nearly a month. Thing is - he can be quite touchy. I don’t mind smooching heaps and some cuddles a little hair grab but really I’m alright with that being it...I’ve never done anything more without being in a commitment and by the third big date we’ve been on I’ve had to gently ease him back and ask him to slow down. At the same night earlier he did ask if I wanted to go back to his place and I said I didn’t feel comfortable. So by that time I’m easing him back, I knew I had to get this shit down. I said I don’t want to be sharing physical intimacy of that level unless I know with certainty where I stand in his life and he in mine (read: commitment) and I need things to be more serious. I even said bluntly: if this is not your thing, then let me know now. I don’t want to pressure. I was willing to let this go if it’s not a match, he deserves his preferences and so do I. Instead he looks at me and nods slowly, saying he sees value in that. That he’s fine with it. It’s difficult for me too since I like him but even in the moment I can’t bring myself to do it, be that close to someone and not be committed. Is this a yellow flag that I’ve had to have this conversation? We’ve met up since then but during the daytime and we’ve only kissed, a slight grab/grope as well in a safe area. We’re still texting well and he’s quite attentive, like he’s been from the beginning. What do you ladies think?",,6,VladNook,2021-04-19 01:57:21 RedPillWives,ms8hmu,How is everyone?,"How has your week been? What good things have happened, and what not so good things? What are you looking forward to in the near future? What are you currently watching/reading/listening to this month?",,17,HappilyMrs,2021-04-16 17:46:34 RedPillWives,moqgs3,"I need an attitude adjustment, help!!","I’m being petty, irritable, and I can feel the bitchiness under the surface. And I need to switch gears. Here’s what’s happening: I was supposed to go visit my sister after a cancelled trip due to covid. My husband realized he couldn’t taste anything - got a covid test (positive) and my trip is cancelled. That’s the first thing. Here’s where I’m feeling annoyed. He doesn’t have any symptoms except not tasting and he feels tired. He slept all day yesterday (we have 4 kids so I’m left with all of that). THAT line isn’t what’s irritating me (before you think I’m terribly selfish that my husband has covid and I’m uncaring). I was sick for 2 weeks. Fever, exhaustion, trouble breathing - 2 negative covid tests later I still was having to manage a house of 4 kids by myself while he still worked. And when I would mention I wasn’t feeling good - he didn’t want to hear about it. So now I feel like I’m seething and angry on several levels. And like I said there’s lots of bitchiness just under the surface. We are going to here dealing with this for 10 days (or whatever the quarantine is) and I’m already crawling up the walls. Anyway - partly I need to vent. And partly I need some input. Thanks :)",,18,anothergoodbook,2021-04-11 12:44:17 RedPillWives,mnv0h9,Have any of you done Laura Doyle's program?,"Hello lovely ladies! I've recently discovered her podcast, which is great. But it does read a little like an informertial for her program. I was just wondering if any one here had done it, and if so if you found it worth while. I've read both ""Surrendered Wife"" and ""Empowered Wife"" but maybe I'm missing crucial information?",,10,somedayimight,2021-04-10 01:12:17 RedPillWives,mmq8uc,"Being ""softer""","Hubby and I were talking about gender roles and polarity the other day, and he mentioned casually that he would like me to be softer. I don't want to start making him pull apart exactly what he means, because I'd rather acquire the skills and mindset so it develops more naturally rather than being a checklist. So what do you think of when ""Being softer"" is the goal?",,29,HappilyMrs,2021-04-08 12:01:58 RedPillWives,mm7u5y,How to deal with a undesirable MIL behaviour in a graceful manner?,"This may be better suited to one of those MIL subreddits, or the relationships one, but I wanted sensible advice so I hope no one minds me reaching out on here! I'm 22 and have been pursuing the RP lifestyle since I was about 17, and have been with my 23y/o fiancé for the past four years. We recently moved in together - it was supposed to be after our wedding, but the pandemic put a halt to those plans for the time being. &#x200B; His mother, whilst a wonderful lady, has a habit of 'surprising' us with multiple bags of pre-prepared, pre-portioned homemade food whenever we see her (we currently only see her in contexts that are in line with our country's Covid guidelines). As much as I appreciate free food, what I don't appreciate is the sheer volume of unsolicited perishables including her versions of meals and foods that I regularly make for us. For example, fresh bread from her bread-maker, despite the fact she knows I handmake a loaf every two or three days. &#x200B; My partner is a gorgeous soul who sees the good in everything and everyone - it's one of the things I love the most about him. In discussions we've had about her food surprises, he obviously focuses on how she's doing it with good intentions, and that she shows love through feeding. I respect that, but am having trouble appropriately expressing how these 'surprises' are both logistical nightmares for me (a lot of it ends up in the bin as it goes off quickly, and we've got our own food to eat too), and disrespectful in the nature of the food she gives. After all, it comes across as a slap that she believes he needs or wants Tupperware pots of her homecooked dinners, when he's got my fresh cooking every day. Not to blow my own trumpet, but he regularly boasts to his friends and colleagues about my cooking abilities so it's not like I'm feeding him swill! To add to it, I can't eat a lot of the food she gives as I am vegetarian, whereas the fiancé is not - though I do prepare meat and fish for him fairly regularly - so it is clear the food is meant for him, not us. &#x200B; I've asked if he'd ask his mum to give us a heads up about the nature and volume of what she plans on giving us just to avoid the waste aspect (no one wants to throw away food, but foodbanks here do not accept pre-prepared food like what she gives us), but he's reluctant to because she apparently finds a lot of joy in the surprise aspect of it. I don't think she's realised the fact that such a volume of food is not a happy surprise for people with a fully stocked pantry, and whilst my partner agrees with this, he really doesn't want to hurt his mum's feelings. &#x200B; I'm trying to overlook the disrespectful aspect of her food 'surprises', but am struggling to maintain the grace to do that. Any tips on either dealing with the practicality of what to do with the food, or on developing the composure to not feel slighted by her actions?",,12,q-the-light,2021-04-07 17:55:11 RedPillWives,mlp1j1,Is there a sub like r/cleanlivingkings for women?,"I enjoy lurking on this sub for relationship help, but I would like a positive daily life sub where women motivate each other on their goals. Stuff like school, working out, time management, nofap, self-improvement WITHOUT a focus on relationship hunting. It seems like r/cleanlivingqueens has been banned, is there something similar to r/CleanLivingKings for women?",,22,orangerose18,2021-04-06 23:38:29 RedPillWives,ml0y1a,How do you women vet?,"We talk a lot about surface level vetting but I never see the grimy details. I went on a date a while back and it made me think about how I actually approach vetting during the getting to know each other phase. I always did it unconsciously and I want to try taking a conscious approach. I realised the stark difference between how I talk to men vs women. It’s really different. I am pretty passive with my female friends, let them take the lead, and I am very kind and trusting with them. With men I wait for them to earn my kindness, respect and effort by first figuring out if he is the kind of guy I would want to give it to through his personality, values, and character. So anyways during the date the subject of my loyalty came up with him questioning it light heartedly. The question came from a really silly topic about board games and I thought he was testing me. He seemed wary of women so I wanted to poke around a bit. I acted suprised and joked back, how did you know I was a player? He replied that most women were. I used that as an opening to figure out his views. I suspected it and his replies seemed pretty red pill and jaded. I never get angry or upset when a guy is testing me, or tries to cross a boundary but I remain light hearted but firm. I have realised guys opened up to me faster and laid their guard down when they think I don’t take things seriously. I also act dumb sometimes. I used to talk to a really manipulative guy once. I told him I don’t have sex before marriage. He seemed very understanding and so supportive I thought I lucked out. He said he was very practicing and felt the same way. So anyways, I think around three months later I told him I loved him too. Not even a day later and he was pushing for sex. I later realised it that he was thinking it would be easier to manipulate me if I fell for him. The more I acted dumb and unaware, the more he tried to take advantage of me. There were many instances he did things like this before I realised I couldn’t trust him.",,14,Pretykity,2021-04-06 02:05:47 RedPillWives,mhrdba,My Grandmother’s Rather Wonderful Advice,"So for the last few months I’ve been visiting my grandparents weekly and me being there motivates them to go and have walks since it’s with me. I also just love talking with them and learning their stories, which I’m compiling together in a single anthology. I was speaking with my grandmother today about families and she suddenly brought up a very interesting topic: men and cheating. For context, we come from a cultural background that does have stereotypes about womanisers. She did say, “Do you know why your grandfather never cheated?” “How do you avoid men cheating?” Definitely he’s a great man and with her smile I can tell she’s joking a bit, since she knows he does have great character. It’s also referencing the culture we have. Guys do cheat a lot and it used to be more glorified but not anymore. Here’s the reply. “You bring your children nearer to their father.” She doesn’t mean literally, she means emotionally. I know the stories, she was a housewife and she would always tell her children to pay more attention towards their father rather than her. They always had dinner together and my grandfather would call if he can’t make it, no buts and ifs. When he’d come home from work, she created a routine to a T, they would all come to the door, greet him and help put his jacket, shoes away and give him the newspaper until dinner starts. She would always encourage them to give him hugs and kisses and to thank him for his work. Even until now she always reminds me to be affectionate with my grandfather. I asked her why and it made sense. Many people think about their relationships as just two people and if somebody cheats, it’s seen usually as an affront to the partner, but when the children are close to him as well, it truly makes a husband think before doing anything not-good, not just cheating. In general as well it’s just good for children to bond with their father and have a more respectful, understanding relationship, especially since he’s not around during the day at home, like the mother. He feels more valued and solidified as the provider/man/leader in the family. Apparently her mother (my great grandmother) told her this advice. Not many people do this nowadays! The more I think about it, I realise it’s so healthy. Great advice for a marriage with children regardless. (Note: Well, definitely your husband/partner must have proved himself a good captain first before all this. The advice is considering you already have a great marriage with two mature people.) What do you all think?",,170,ThatStepfordGal,2021-04-01 09:10:16 RedPillWives,mhfi4l,We managed to book a venue! I'm officially getting married!,"I (35f) am marrying my absolutely wonderful fiancee (34m) in September and I couldn't be happier. I am so determined to be a good wife and make sure to always support him and create a nice home for us. I feel like embodying this wish, and really going for it, has made it easier for him to take the plunge and decide to marry me. A few days ago, we saw some friends outdoors and he was low-level bragging about some cool things I made for our home (some plant arrangements, fresh bread, great meals etc.) and it just made me feel so proud to think that I'd made him smile about something. It makes me want to marry him even more and lock in all the juices of a wonderful long marriage. I hope I am not breaking any rules. I just wanted to share my joy with you all, as I find it so inspirational to see amazing women on here coming together to support each other and I feel like this community has helped me. ❤ thanks all Edit: typo's",,55,CheeseMonger96,2021-03-31 20:55:15 RedPillWives,mhmi9j,Laura Doyle coaching cost,"Has anyone done the Laura Doyle one-on-one relationship coaching? Or happen know what the cost is? The website says four figures, but I'm wondering if that's $1000 or $5000 ballpark. I don't really want to fill out the form and have them try to convince me to buy something I can't afford, but I need some serious help getting my marriage (myself) back on course and this aligns with my values whereas I would have to look hard for a ""marriage counselor"" or a therapist that would be a good fit. TIA!",,7,tanlahil_icham,2021-04-01 03:21:44 RedPillWives,mh5qxg,Sidebar posts gone?,"I love referring back to sidebar/wiki posts from this sub, yet some of my favorites-- the psychological femininity post, for one-- seem to have been deleted. Is there anywhere that these posts can be viewed still?",,9,dabadeedabadaa,2021-03-31 13:08:40 RedPillWives,mgrzm8,Am I alone in my beliefs? Where do I go?,"Hi everyone, First, while I may sound like I am lost here, I come with respect for (if not always understanding of) your choices. I came here because I would like to get a fresh perspective from other women on some things I have been thinking about but have not been able to openly discuss in my own environment. I am struggling because I feel I know what I believe, but I cannot relate it to anyone or anything I know. I will explain what I mean and want to ask your community for advice. My main question: do my beliefs fit here? If not, where might they fit? I will start by explaining a bit about me. To be honest and say that I do not feel very comfortable in this subreddit, and may be in the wrong place altogether. The reason for my discomfort is that I consider myself to be on the left and progressive side of the spectrum, out of a strong sense that we are all equal and deserve each other's and the state's support, and the freedom to live our lives as we wish. I am a postgraduate student in ecology and evolutionary biology, I live in a non-conservative environment, I am not religious, I am a firm believer of equal rights and opportunities between men and women, and on top of that I am bisexual. My problem is this: I have recently 'discovered' an abundance of scientific literature on the topic of evolutionary psychology and male-female differences. There appears to be overwhelming evidence of biological and psychological differences between (the average) man and woman, as a consequence of Darwinian evolutionary processes. As a result of this, I have started to doubt my feminist beliefs. However, if I bring this topic up in my academic and social circle, it gets heavily criticised by most of my peers, mainly because there is no space within the academic discourse and feminism (as I have seen it around me) and these facts. On top of this issue, I have recently become aware of my own submissive nature and my desire to serve and please a man and also to have and (co-)care for kids. I n principle I have no issue aligning these feelings with my 'feminist' beliefs, but the combination of these two events has led me having to reconsider where I stand. This is it: (Due to evolution), there are significant biological and psychological differences between the average man and the average woman. However, all men and women should have equal opportunities (so those who do not fit the average can live their life as they wish), but we should stop expecting equal opportunities to lead to equal results because men and women naturally have different talents and preferences. Society should appreciate 'feminine' professions (caring, teaching, homemaking) more, and should not shun women (or men) for choosing these professions.I believe we should be more open to the natural subservience of women and dominance of men in relationships and appreciate the beauty and effectiveness of this polarity more. Finally, while I believe in the equal value of men and women, I believe feminism as it is popular now could damage both women and men by not being open to these biological differences. I believe in caring for nature and our planet and believe acknowledging these differences could improve that as well. I think I believe our society should be less focused on how we are supposedly all the same, and instead acknowledge and integrate our differences, for all our benefit. While personally, I am looking to live a natural life, in which I can both take up my natural role as a submissive wife, and develop my passion for ecology. This post has become way too long (sorry!), but to return to my question: do these ideas fit into the RPW community? If not, do you maybe know where I might find like-minded women and men, or literature/a community I could explore? I would be very grateful.",,20,pure_prose,2021-03-30 22:42:56 RedPillWives,mf9xwq,"Thinking of moving out of a blue state for a more traditional life, 21F","Hi guys, A little about me: I’m a 21 year old girl, finishing up her last semester of college. I live in a VERY liberal part of the country, and it’s making me more and more depressed by the day. Unless you’re well-to-do here, both parents have to work. I don’t want that. That sounds like a rat race and a 24/7 stress-fest. I’d rather not have kids than have someone else raise my kids. I want nothing more than to be a homemaker and stay-at-home mom. That will be extremely difficult to do here. Everything is crazy expensive, and most people I know still live with their parents at 33 because they can’t afford to move out. Waiting for marriage for sex is also very important to me. It will be very difficult to find someone here who wants that, and most Catholics here aren’t very conservative to begin with. I was looking at some places in the Midwest and the South. People seem to be more conservative there. Is what I want unrealistic, or should I really make an effort to find what it is I want? Thoughts? Thanks everyone!",,13,[deleted],2021-03-28 21:04:54 RedPillWives,me22n0,Need Perspective,"My husband texted me asking for a phone number, at the time I was in the car, so I forwarded the screenshot of the phone number, which was how the person I got it from sent it to me. A few minutes later I got home and was due on a conference call for work, when he called me asking me why I had the nerve to send a screenshot, criticizing me, calling me names.... because I should have entered the number into my phone and sent him a contact that he could click to call. He said it was ridiculous that I expect him to have to go back and forth between a screenshot to dial a number, etc. I told him it was how I received it, I was in the car when I sent it, but that I’d enter it myself into my phone and then send him the number as a contact instead (which I did). I then asked if that was the only reason he called, he said yes and that he’s coming home soon. I said ok and sighed, to which he responded “well then F—- you” and hung up on me. When he got home he said I had an attitude problem and that he was now not going to dinner with me. He asked why I sighed, I said because I was disappointed that that was the only reason he called. (Hoping to get a “how’s your day” or really anything else besides anger and contempt) Then he left the house and has barely been speaking to me the rest of the evening because of my “attitude” — which literally was me sighing and saying Ok. Does the punishment fit the crime here? How do I handle this?",,26,nycgirl777,2021-03-27 00:07:07 RedPillWives,mcy636,"Wives and SAHM's, how do you bring beauty and happiness into your homes?","Other than the obvious of cleaning, preparing dinner etc. How do you fill your home with that extra... homeiness? Currently renting while we build so particularly looking for inexpensive and temporary ideas please x",,33,[deleted],2021-03-25 13:25:15 RedPillWives,mcwjnq,"I've hurt myself in the feels, and it's escalated into a row","He made a choice that is entirely his right to make, but I've felt wounded by it. I've blown it out of proportion and made it into him slighting me and not being attracted to me. I went quiet and disappeared out to walk the dog, but brought my clearly butthurt attitude home. When he asked me what was wrong I said nothing. Then he pushed the question. I said I felt hurt and needed time to drill down on what was at the root of it, and asked him to respect that. He was angry about my response to the situation and trying to conceal it. Now he's stormed off out. I've tried to apologise by text. Any suggestions? Now I feel even more like crap than I originally did.",,3,HappilyMrs,2021-03-25 11:58:49 RedPillWives,m90uxx,How do I encourage my boyfriend to get healthy and lose weight?,"Me [18F] and my boyfriend [18M] have been in a relationship for 8 months. We are very serious about each other, we plan on getting married in the next few years, and in many ways he is a very high value man (extremely intelligent, and in college for a degree that pays very well) but he just has this one problem- He literally does not care about his health at all!! We are both overweight (He needs to lose 30 I need to lose 15) but I have been losing weight because of eating healthier and getting exercise. However he has actually gained a bit of weight since we started dating, and he did try to exercise but he gave up after only a couple weeks and he refuses to do it again. He spends all of his time being sedentary and he overeats even though he claims that he is eating better. He doesn't care about healthy eating at all and he doesn't know or care how to cook healthy food for himself. It doesn't make him unattractive to me because he is attractive in other ways but I really want to encourage him to live a healthier lifestyle because I really do want to spend the rest of my life with him, and I know I cannot find a better man than him. He is also going through a bit of a depression right now but even though I've explained to him many times that getting exercise, eating healthy and taking care of yourself makes you feel better, he doesn't care. What can I do to help encourage him to start exercising again?",,5,rpwthrowaway12345678,2021-03-20 05:57:11 RedPillWives,m7umrd,Sex and marriage discussion,"I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic. I was venting about the difference between advice given to women and men in the Christian community regarding sex. I was on a fairly “blue pill” Facebook group. Some responses surprised me and I wanted to run it past you here. Okay background (essentially my venting on Facebook was this): growing up and when I was a newly wed all the messaging was that men want sex. All. The. Time. So it’s our wifely duty to supply that. I even went to a woman’s conference where I was told I needed to “do it for England” and close my eyes and pray if I wasn’t into it. My husband did NOT like that advice as he hoped I would enjoy it also. But every time I turned around it was - “women don’t want sex and that’s all men want”. - men are visual so they will stray if you aren’t aesthetically pleasing - you just need to put up with sex for the sake of your husband - the way you show love to your husband is sex (and food) Now that I’ve been married for so long and things have shifted (I want sex more) there are very little resources in the Christian community. I feel like being a Christian woman who wants sex is an anomaly. I’m “supposed” to be fighting off my Uber horny husband all the time. Now that I’ve posted in that FB group I see it’s actually a large amount of women in this position. So - to get to my point (which isn’t asking for advice). BUT many women had the mind set “you don’t ever have to have sex if you don’t want to”. And essentially it isn’t one spouses job to provide that for the other spouse if they just don’t want to. That surprised me because I feel like BOTH are on the extreme end of the spectrum. I believe there’s a middle ground. I think in vowing monogamy to someone there’s an implicit agreement that you’ll provide *some* sexual satisfaction for your spouse. I am curious to see a more red pill (I suppose conservative/traditional?) take on this topic. The question boils down to - how much responsibility does one spouse have to the other in regards to meeting sexual needs? *again this is really about advice - I would just love to have the conversation about the generalities of this topic* :)",,24,anothergoodbook,2021-03-18 16:27:21 RedPillWives,m5r547,An Update to my Last Post (Being surrendered and sex),"I posted a month ago where I was feeling incredibly frustrated, sad, lonely, etc over the lack of intimacy (physical and emotional) in my marriage. A few things have happened that I figured I would update on. First I’ve been reading Jordan Peterson’s new book Beyond Order. He has a chapter on keeping romance alive in your marriage. Holy. Cow. If you get the book and only read that one chapter... it is totally worth it. Yes. It seems like “common sense” type things. But the way he articulates them just hit home for me (and my husband). He has a lot of philosophical ideas about WHY marriage exists and why we should pursue making marriage work. And then he has very practical ideas. Anyhow. He says we must be honest with our spouses and be realistic in what things will look like when you have kid and work be so on. I decided to stop trying to play coy and work on being honest about my needs and what’s going on with me. We’ve decided to put having sex on the calendar twice a week. I’ve not wanted to do this for a very long time. It feels like it kills the spontaneity. But what it does do is give Us both security in knowing our needs are met. We also are doing twice a month date nights. We’ve had a good long look at our conflict resolution skills and realizing neither one of us is very good at it. I’ve also had to give voice to the “stories” I make up about myself and sex (if he is saying no it’s because I’m fat or he doesn’t love me). Instead of stewing in these made up stories I’ve been honest and say “you know when you didn’t respond to my advances this is what goes through my head”. To which he said isn’t true at all. He said he has l trouble just switching modes and if I come on too strong it turns him off. Then I back off feeling rejected, but he just needed more time and to go slower (and if I was honest with him he could have told me that but instead I sulked off and was upset). So anyhow - I figured I’d let you know how it’s been going :).",,59,anothergoodbook,2021-03-15 18:19:49 RedPillWives,m5ulhc,Year of Self Care (month 3),"I know, I know I just posted a marriage update. But I’ve been thinking about posting this for a while. I decided that 2021 would be a year of self care after reading a memoir/self help book to the same effect. The author chose a monthly theme with the focus being on self care (like doing daily push ups or stretching). I started in the middle of November of 2020. I didn’t want to wait until January and make it yet another resolution I didn’t keep. So technically my title should say month 4.5 lol. My “themes” were: November- planks & pushups December- Whole30 January- morning routine February- foam rolling/stretching March- put the phone down I did November really well. I went from like 3 knee push-ups to 15. My planks unfortunately never got much better lol. December did not bode well. I ended up with some miserable stomach issues from Whole30 and I stopped doing that. I instead moved up my foam rolling stretching February. It all took a turn when I realized that focusing on self care allowed me to be aware of what I needed... and wasn’t what I originally set out to do. I realized after a long honest look at myself that I needed to really up my weight loss. My husband and I have had many arguments about my eating over the years. Before anyone gets up in arms it because he is very worried about my health. I had gestational diabetes 3 times and all signs were pointing toward me becoming diabetic in the next 2-3 years. He was also looking at his dad who nearly lost a foot because he refuses to change his eating. It hit me that I’m addicted to sugar. And that for the sake of my health and my marriage I needed to do something about it. So my focus became dealing with that. I did overeaters anonymous (I went through a great book that outlined the 12 steps). I’ve been sugar free for 35 days! I’ve also lost about 8 lbs since I started the process again (total I’ve lost about 30 but it’s been in start and stops - it’s been a year since I’ve lost anything). Also things that have happened this year of focusing on taking care of me: - went to the doctor for my anxiety and got antidepressants - went to a podiatrist for foot pain and working with them on healing some old injuries - working through all the emotional baggage not eating sugar has been bringing up. Who knew? - doing a daily Bible study/devotional - gave up drinking alcohol when I realized it doesn’t do anything good for my health and made me feel terrible I wrote all of this out because 1) self care may look totally different than you expect (yes I do a lot more of the “indulgent” things too, but this has been hard work!), 2) being open to seeing where you can improve is vitally important, 3) I’m really proud of my work and wanted to share with you lovely ladies who are so supportive and amazing, and 4) maybe it will inspire someone else to evaluate where they need to up their self care.",,18,anothergoodbook,2021-03-15 20:53:11 RedPillWives,m54pvp,"Wives who were first-timers, how did you create excitement in the bedroom?","Hi ladies, I'll keep this short and get to the question - my husband is my first partner but I am not his. I can't shake off the feeling that I have little excitement to offer and whatever I do the thought hovers over my head that he's probably tried this before or a previous partner with more experience has definitely done this way better etc... I love doing things that are focused on him but sometimes after the deed is done I can't help but feel that this probably isn't the best head he's had for example. So my question in essence is, how did you ""learn"" new things? How did you make intimacy exciting when there's an experience gap between the both of you and did you ever have that feeling of inadequacy in this regard? Of course communication is key and it depends on the partner, but I don't want him to stand in front of a board and give me a sex-ed lesson.. I'm quite shy about this and it would be very helpful if anyone has had a similar situation and could offer insights. Thanks a lot!",,23,grahamcookiefart,2021-03-14 21:27:55 RedPillWives,m4b784,How long does it take to adjust to a new baby?,"Hello ladies! We're scheduled to be induced for our first child on Wednesday and so of course I'm a bundle of nerves and excitement. Part of what I'm worried about is staying on top of the household with such a big life change. I've gone a bit crazy with nesting so our house if completely spick and span right now but obviously that won't last long. How long did it take to get a new routine going with a new baby? And any advice that you can think of? All the other subs are just going to tell me to make my husband do everything or scoff at this rather than offer any real help.",,15,Mewster1818,2021-03-13 17:43:09 RedPillWives,lzfvmf,The Dating Scene...,"Is making me shake my head! I’m laughing a bit as I write this and somewhat rather surprised at the same time. I’m on a dating app and I literally just got deleted mid conversation by the guy (unmatched) because I said I don’t believe in sex until commitment. Context: He asked about past relationships and dating experiences and I told him a dealbreaker for me would be anxious guys who don’t take initiative. Just can’t be actually bothered with them and he asked me to explain. I used an example of someone I went on a single date with who wanted to check on the parking duration of his car and he got anxious, I mean the heart rate was high in his Apple Watch because he got scared there might be a ticket. Then he asked me to explain further and I mentioned this date was so paranoid/fearful he would not consider a committed relationship with a person, calling each other in an official way boyfriend and girlfriend, unless they’ve been ‘seeing each other’ for at least six months and have been sleeping together. I was like ‘nope I’m not doing that because commitment matters to me’, seriously these attachment-scared people. Now/Last Night: So I told this and the guy was like what??? How would you know if you’re sexually compatible? I reply: Well if you are deciding to be a person’s girlfriend/boyfriend, surely you’re attracted to them? Physically? You want to be intimate? Him: Yes but how can you be sure? I reply: You’ve at least kissed/hugged this person, surely you’d want to be able to share intimacy. Then suddenly the conversation is gone. Deleted from my matches. Look I’m not that bothered though it’s honestly surprising in a funny way that it was the reason? What’s happening to people nowadays and the dating scene. It’s like..you’re a pariah for wanting commitment and a proper way to approach a relationship that is emotionally responsible. My two best friends have their partners and had sex before commitment and sometimes they do tell me to ‘be open to it’ (not in a forceful way) but the idea is just so *wrong* to me. I don’t know what does everyone think? Anyone been in this position?",,19,VladNook,2021-03-07 01:13:26 RedPillWives,lx840j,New to tradlife,So I've been dating a conservative traditional man for 7 months me myself being a liberal and I've always wanted to be a traditional housewife weird I know right? How do I start are their any good books to read and especially how can I incorporate it into a dating relationship?,,12,Psychological-Ad3566,2021-03-04 00:10:52 RedPillWives,lweeex,SMV of married women,"Ladies, I’m trying hard to understand the fondamental concepts of RP. Really I am! Now from what I got, from what I read, from the YouTube vids I’ve watched, women get to be at the top of their SMV before 25 yo (having a hard time with this but what ever let’s go on). So what happened to your SMV when you got married and had babies, it just gets in the negative part of the scale? You’re just supposed to drop the SMV scale and get swallowed in motherhood, diapers and children needs. Please tell me this is not how it’s supposed to be according to RPs. Please.",,15,[deleted],2021-03-02 22:33:11 RedPillWives,lwezfv,Your thoughts of mid life crisis,"Lovely ladies, I’d like to have your opinions on mid-life crisis for a married woman. Is it something that should be embraced or carefully muffled ? Have any of you ever experience such phase in life? If so, what did you do?",,4,[deleted],2021-03-02 23:01:02 RedPillWives,lqvmhb,I’m starting to feel bitter and cold,"I don’t know what to do. Every time my husband corrects me about something I didn’t do right I get angry. I get angry that I didn’t do it right and then I get angry that he has to complain or correct me about it. Along with anger, I feel embarrassment and I start to think and talk badly about myself. Example: mold started forming in our bathroom due to the limited venting and humidity. I tried cleaning the caulk but the mold seems to have penetrated from the inside. My husband told me to let him know what we need in order to get rid of it. I ended up forgetting and today he woke up with an itchy skin. He complained that I didn’t clean and if I did and couldn’t get rid of it, I should have consulted him. He told me he was going to clean it and left to get the cleaning products and told me not to touch the bathroom. I ended up cleaning the tub and when he came home he started yelling and getting very angry because I cleaned when he told me not to, and that he was going to do it. He was saying how I don’t care about him and I disrespect him. Now, I feel like shit and in feeling like this, I’m feeling myself become cold and bitter. To the point where I just want to leave him alone. I don’t want to be this way. Whenever my husband has an issue with me, I take it out on myself and on him, and then I can’t be loving. I can’t be warm and welcoming. I turn serious and cut and dry. Any advice will be appreciated. Thank you!",,16,[deleted],2021-02-23 22:59:04 RedPillWives,lpskoz,Being an emotional sponge,"Does anyone else get really easily swayed by their husbands emotions? If he's feeling a bit low or out of sorts, I immediately feel the same. If he then bounces back and flirts or is loving or playful, it's like a light switch and I will just be reset. It's not even happening subtly now, I can feel it start and stop. Am I alone in this?",,21,HappilyMrs,2021-02-22 16:23:28 RedPillWives,lo8yia,What can I do that my wife appreciates?,"Hello all! I am a married man and I am trying to become a better husband. Please help: I am doing a lot for my wife, example, she had an errand in a town 6 hours away and she needed to be there for 4 days total. Of course she could have gone alone but I know she hates that so I packed the kids in the car and we all went there together. In my mind I am doing something nice to her but I have now realised that she kinda takes it for granted. She dont see it as me being a sweet husband. So I am wondering what is it you wife's want from your husbands that makes you feel loved and courted by your husbands? It seems like acts of service dose not register on my wife. Thanks for the help!",,14,dude777five,2021-02-20 15:07:33 RedPillWives,ln3g41,The Surrendered Wife and Sex,"“Saying what you want means that you’re aware of your feelings and desires and that you’re willing to honor them. It means that you know that you deserve to have new things and things that you love. It means you don’t have to waste energy thinking about how to get what you want by making it seem like it actually serves some other more “noble purpose. You’re not a martyr, and nobody has to guess what will please you. A woman who knows and respects herself simply says to her husband, “I want.”” — The Surrendered Wife: A Practical Guide for Finding Intimacy, Passion and Peace with a Man by Laura Doyle I’m reading The Surrendered Wife and really taking many things to heart. But the biggest changes by far have been that I’ve stopped interrupting my husband, telling him what he should do, and asking for (demanding sex). I’ve seen a big change in myself and a little in our marriage (we haven’t argued nearly as much). But here’s where I’m going with this. Sex. He’s okay with once a week or even twice a month. He will have sex more often but it’s very dispassionate and he will even say, “I guess so” or “if you want”. Is it too much to hope my husband has a passionate sexual desire toward me? And sometimes I don’t climax and he’s done. He’ll offer to do more, but again it’s like, “well would you like to?” Which Is night and day difference from 5 minutes ago where he was take charge and into it. That then leads me to allowing him to take the led with sex. Would a surrendered wife step back and let her husband be the lead? Is it controlling to expect certain things from sex? How do I deal with the “unfairness” of sex in this case - when he wants to then I need to say yes, but feel my needs aren’t being met (like in the quote above). Do I constantly say “I would love a great orgasm?” Or “I want to be passionately made love to?” I feel like this is such a struggle for me because everything else relies on me being on my page and letting him be on his page- but sex is an intermingling of the two pages, right? Ugh. Any insight is welcome.",,33,anothergoodbook,2021-02-19 01:46:26 RedPillWives,ljug6q,My husband did NOTHING for Valentine’s Day?,"**EDIT: I didn’t end up saying anything. He asked me to keep him company while he ran a few errands and took me to my favorite plant store and told me to pick out any and every plant I wanted. Our hobby this past year has been collecting houseplants and the store had just gotten a new delivery right before we arrived so it was perfect. I don’t think he had necessarily been planning on this, but he noticed I was feeling down and decided to do something about it. He also secured a bottle of my favorite wine which I’m very excited to enjoy with the roasted duck and honey glazed carrots I’m making for dinner. I’ve learned my lesson about communicating my expectations around holidays AND the day has been saved. Thanks for your support, everyone!** **EDIT 2: Okay, I am really eating my words now. He was a professional musician for a while but stopped right before we met so I never got to see him play. I’ve been hassling him to throw “a concert” for me in our living room for months. Last month he finally agreed he would do it for Valentine’s Day and I completely forgot about it until I heard him doing a sound check on a PA system he set up in our living room just now.....** ❤️ **Happy Valentine’s Day!** I’m not really sure what I’m looking for – advice, empathy, something. I am extremely upset right now and it’s the kind of thing I would normally talk to my girlfriends about but I am too embarrassed by how upset I am to say anything to anyone I know in real life. This is our first Valentine’s Day married, and it’s also our first Valentine’s Day that I’ve been done with school, so it’s the first time we’ve actually been able to celebrate the holiday in any meaningful way. I snuck a few hours yesterday to bake him a cake and pipe a flirty love note onto it. I wasn’t expecting a new car or opera tickets or anything but it seems like he really did nothing at all and I’m upset. He went out to see some friends last night, which he never does, stayed out until 3 am, which he never does, woke up at 10 am, which he never does, and is now reading a book by himself on the couch. I guess I did a poor job of noticing that I have expectations and letting him know. I feel like I’m not hard to read and I shouldn’t have to tell the man I married that I want flowers on the flower holiday. I really thought I made it clear – not only does he know me enough to know that I’m extremely sentimental, but I pointed things out to him as gently but directly as I could for weeks. I thought I was doing the right thing but I guess not and now I’m embarrassed. Since I woke up this morning, I’ve had to slip into the bathroom to cry several times because I’m just so surprised and sad. I tried to just take care of myself and make myself happy by sewing a new dress and then my sewing machine broke and the repair man needs to keep it overnight. He’s noticed that I’m not myself and asked me a few times what’s wrong and I keep saying it’s nothing because I don’t want him to feel bad. It’s not the end of the world or anything but I’m taking it really hard right now. ☹️",,31,gold-ee,2021-02-14 18:45:46 RedPillWives,lh6rip,Update: potential chronic illness,"Today was the day of my procedure to figure out a diagnosis, but of course nothing can be easy. Evidence was found pointing to one of the worse case scenarios. Biopsy was done, final results by Tuesday at the latest. Husband and I had a sit down discussion about what this means for our future. I am mourning for the future that we will never have. Edit. Just got the call, confirmed crohn's disease.",,29,blahpunchlineblah,2021-02-10 23:13:26 RedPillWives,lgzqeo,Expectations for communication while physically apart,"Man here. Hope this is appropriate for this forum. My wife and I occasionally have to spend a week or more apart due to work. It last happened in 2019 and its happening now for three weeks while she cares for sick relatives. We do video calls I see all of her family, etc. I am 100% sure she's caring for them and support her 100%. She's a bit of a butterfly (all over the place, doesn't keep a daily schedule). I'm not a military person but in terms of schedule I am - up early, detailed schedule for working out, work, etc. for 9 hours a day. Edit: thanks for the responses. I think the consensus was to have a direct conversation and suggest we check in for ten minutes a day when one of us is on the road, and commit to and honor that commitment!",,9,IslandSwim,2021-02-10 18:10:31 RedPillWives,lely1s,Paying For Dates?,"Hi ladies! It seems I’ve hit a bit of a confusing point in a recent dating experience and I’d appreciate just some advice. I’m very old fashioned, I believe in gender roles to the max (I’m happy to cook and clean in the future for my husband, letting my man lead us, I was raised in a conservative upbringing where this was normal). I see women as nurturers and carers while men are providers and protectors. While I’m not for guys just paying for ultimately everything in a traditional relationship, I want to contribute some as well. It’s not absolute. Some days ago I went to a date with a guy who happens to like Jordan Peterson as well, he knows I’m very old fashioned, we agree with a lot of anti-feminist stuff, differences between men and women. So I was a bit surprised when we met for the first date, just before ordering he asks me ‘how do I do things’ - pay for the date 50/50 or the guy pays. I was surprised and I just answered honestly, the guy usually pays (my past relationships it was and I always expressed my gratitude earnestly, gave or made gifts for them too once we dated more) though further dates in I usually variate and have picnics where I bring food I cooked for him/us. That’s exactly what I said. He nodded and paid. When he did I didn’t stop him, I thanked, which he mentioned later. Hey, maybe I made too many assumptions because some of the beliefs we have in common around JBP, I totally get I could be. To add later *after* that meal I came to know he’s actually (seemingly) wealthy. With the way he dressed and carried himself I had no idea and it’s not something I really think, neither care about. For me it’s what the person does with the money the earn, not the amount or job title. A good work ethic is enough as well as resilience. I’ve lived wealthy and poor, I’ve dated both, I’ve had worse experience dating someone with plenty of money because I found they obsessed about it more and was controlled by their fear losing it. I thought maybe this might be a factor as to why he asked the paying question, yet I didn’t know at the time. The current situation is now we have another date this week and it’s another restaurant. He suggested it since he really wanted to try the cuisine (which happens to be from my birth country). Yet I’m not sure what to do, how to express it when the time comes we’re paying for the food. I didn’t expect the dilemma since we had been discussing a date at the park with pets and I was hoping for us to get coffees and I’d pay for those! Just to show I want to contribute even in a smaller way. I want to do this every now and then. However in a restaurant, I truly do believe with something bigger like that, it’s a bit different for a guy. I don’t earn a lot though I’ve learned to be wiser in my finances and I can get most things I want and need, I pay for my girlfriends when we go dinner or it’s equal but I just see it differently with a man I want to be date, considering being with. It’s not that I can’t afford it, it’s the gesture that I could pay for myself yet he still wants to do it for me..is what touches me deeply, it’s very masculine. I don’t know, he may even ask the paying question, maybe not. I just am not sure what to say if he does. I wanted to initially talk about it during the meal, apologise for the first date and my answer, if that made him uncomfortable, before we ever get to the bill. Explain my cultural background and beliefs. What do you all think I should do? Say? Thank you all!",,14,VladNook,2021-02-07 12:55:59 RedPillWives,laulfp,I am in the process of being diagnosed with a debilitating chronic illness that will reduce my quality of life and may cause me to be infertile. How do I move on?,"Basically the title. I (28F) find out on the 10th. Best case scenario is I got a false positive (very unlikely), most likely is a chronic illness, worst case is cancer. My husband is being very supportive, but I don't know what I do from here. We were going to try for our first child in a few months. We are looking for a house. I don't know where to go from here and I feel quite lost.",,21,blahpunchlineblah,2021-02-02 12:39:49 RedPillWives,lavtyu,What does respect mean to you (and your man)?,"I was reading my Bible study this morning and was reminded how we need to be respecting our husbands. Of course anyone who has been here a while has probably read Laura Doyle’s books and she emphasizes respect. What surprises me even after 14 years of marriage (which is shouldn’t I guess) is what I consider respectful versus what he thinks is respectful. As a discussion I’d love to hear what things make your SO feel respected and conversely what causes them to feel disrespected (or withdraw).",,10,anothergoodbook,2021-02-02 13:48:56 RedPillWives,l7r2ap,What has made you laugh or smile this week?,"Do please share your stories from the week! We just got a new (or new to us at least!) car, and the number plate has the letters in it that make it look like it says Captain! Made me smile.",,10,HappilyMrs,2021-01-29 12:13:19 RedPillWives,l6htyt,"What man is ""good enough""","Hello wonderfully feminine ladies :D Thank you for giving me advice on my last post about vetting a specific man, it really helped me clarify some thoughts. Now I'm vetting a few guys, and I have a new question about whether my expectations are unrealistic. &#x200B; * **How old are you and how familiar are you with RPW?** I'm soon to be 21. Since 2016, I've been learning from first RedPillWomen and now RedPillWives. I've read extensively in both the manosphere and the recommended reading list (Fascinating Womanhood, Surrendered Single...). I've implemented the lessons on men around me with positive results. &#x200B; * **What is your relationship status?** Single, dating to find a husband. &#x200B; * **What is the problem? How long has this been an issue?** By nature, I am a person who much prefers spending time on learning/producing rather than consuming. I have a very messianic tendency, which means I constantly want to ""save the world"" (hence messianic), work on a greater cause, helping others in some way or doing something that meaningfully improves other's lives. Related to that tendency is my very minimalist lifestyle, where I basically consume the bare minimum to have good health, and spend money on only basic necessities and books. I am an avid reader. (I'm very high in trait Openness, 95% percentile, for those of you who know of the Big Five personality paradigm). FYI: I'm aware that my messianic tendency doesn't make me a better person than any other person with integrity and dreams closer to themselves (rather than oriented towards saving the world). However, due to my very curious, enthusiastic, big-picture thinking nature, I cannot help but care about all causes that have nothing to do with me. Excuse this seemingly redundant intro, but it is the root cause of this problem I have in vetting guys. I find it difficult looking up to men who are satisfied simply with being responsible enough at a job, so they can enjoy their leisure time. And my intuition tells me it is unrealistic to try and find a guy that is very ""altruistically engaged"", because so far, of the guys I've talked to that lead active, engaged lives, most of them considered a job only that: a paying activity to fund their lives. As Jordan Peterson says: ""Most people don't have careers. They have jobs."" Also, since I read a lot (roughly 2 hours everyday), I'm afraid I would outgrow and get tired of a man who doesn't have a reading habit. **To sum up the questions:** 1. Is it unrealistic for me to eliminate men because they aren't very engaged in their careers as a greater cause, instead of just a paying job? (note the salary is not important to me, beyond covering basic needs). 2. Is it unrealistic for me to consider it a dealbreaker, that a man doesn't have a reading habit? I'm not thinking reading as much as Warren Buffett, but more a minimum of 30 minutes a day on books he finds important, that aren't required reading at his job. &#x200B; * **How have you contributed to the problem?** I'm not quite sure whether I actively did anything to cause it. I was born with this personality, and have been very curious and messianic since an early age. &#x200B; * **What have you done to resolve this problem?** Really tried to accept that most people just want to live normal lives, keep down a job responsibly, and enjoy their leisure time for themselves. But I CANNOT will away the part of my values that is constantly oriented towards learning new things, seeking truth and working hard for a ""greater good"". &#x200B; **TLDR:** 1. Is it unrealistic for me to eliminate men because they aren't very engaged in their careers as a greater cause, instead of just a paying job? (note the salary is not important to me, beyond covering basic needs). 2. Is it unrealistic for me to consider it a dealbreaker, that a man doesn't have a reading habit? I'm not thinking reading as much as Warren Buffett, but more a minimum of 30 minutes a day on books he finds important, that aren't required reading at his job. &#x200B; Again, thanks beforehand for your thoughtful advice!",,16,sekoiasan,2021-01-27 23:37:58 RedPillWives,l626w9,Short-term changes when long-term one will take forever?,"Can I get some input on what I can do at present when my long term goal is so far away? Background: I'm 37, he's 40, married 18years almost, been together 21. We are still happy together, sex is great generally about 3 times a week. Juggling an 8 year old with ASD, home school, my Uni study, hubby working full time out of the home, and mental health issues for both of us. We're in lock down again here in the UK. So, my big issue is that I need to lose a lot of weight. I've never been a good weight even as a child, and even when he and I first met I was at the top end of normal after several months of serious restriction. So my long term goal is to get to a normal weight. I know my weight is a huge problem and that he deserves better. I know he would be happier if I was slimmer, and I'm working on that. But in the mean time, I want to improve in ways that are quicker. In the last few years I tackled a lot of the sexual aspects that had caused years of unhappiness (taking us away from a deadbedroom caused by my starfishing and disinterest). I listen to the Laura Doyle podcast, and I am implementing ""whatever you think"" and trying to implement the duct tape, as well as trying to always assume his motivations are good, rather than jumping to conclusions. Do you have any thoughts on what I can be doing for now? Thank you",,7,HappilyMrs,2021-01-27 11:01:44 RedPillWives,l3pm3d,Would anyone be open to mentoring?,"Hi everyone! I’ve been on RPW for a few years now, usually anonymously and now have decided to come and say hi :) I’m 27 years old, work part time and also domestic work at home and dating in a city. As of lately I feel I’m just lacking some kind of direction and becoming a bit disconnected with meeting others as well after years of it and getting slightly older. I know what I want and I put in the time however it doesn’t really feel like..anything’s really working. Maybe I’m doing something wrong or missing something in my actual g-game I’m not sure. I’d love to hear from someone who’s married for a while and has very traditional views on relationships, marriage and etc. I’m not religious but I’m open to someone who is and still have some connections there. If you’d like to reach out, I’d be more than grateful and willing to listen and learn!",,16,VladNook,2021-01-24 01:36:37 RedPillWives,l31x3k,Fashion advice: cute things for grown women,"Hi all, I often receive surprised reactions when I tell people at work that I’m married because many of my coworkers seem to think I am younger than I really am. I am 27. I think I look my age, and it has much more to do with my mannerisms, body language, style, etc. I am wanting to make some life changes in the near future so these are things I know I need to work on. I also adore things that are cute. I love animal sweaters, anything Sanrio, stuff with cats, etc. I don’t wear a lot of cutesy stuff at work- my work outfits are purely utilitarian out of necessity. I’m pretty much okay with this. But I am getting ready to invest in some wardrobe updates, and I want to have an age-appropriate style for home, going out on weekends (We *will* be able to go out to restaurants and bars again, someday), etc. I want to dress appropriately for my age and maintain a sophisticated edge, but I still want to wear things that are cute. I recently found a pair of piggie slippers that I thought were sooo cute, and I could use a pair of slippers. I felt kind of sad passing them up but also knew I might feel silly wearing them. Does anyone have any tips or style inspirations?",,10,katsnackshackysacks,2021-01-23 01:16:41 RedPillWives,l1mfzy,RP femininity and Why Men Love Bitches?,"Hi everyone! I’ve been readying WMLB by Sherry Argov about ten years after I first did since I’ve forgotten..I can only recall bits of it that I liked. I’m always a huge supporter of girl-game and I can agree with the book’s ideas on not prioritising or giving too much to guys during dating. There are a couple of points that confuse me though - To not say that you’re serious or looking for something serious? The attraction principle that “if you tell him you are not interested in jumping into a relationship with both feet, he will set out to change your mind” Now there is something about not wanting to jump in too much I get, though wouldn’t this attract the useless guys who don’t commit? Wouldn’t this go against what to get? How would this be incorporated or not at all? I’d love your thoughts ladies!",,13,ThatStepfordGal,2021-01-21 00:17:38 RedPillWives,l1r37o,Book/ podcast recommendations,"Any podcast or reading recommendations besides Laura Doyle? I have read the ""surrendered wife"" and listen to the empowered wife podcast. Any other sources you ladies love to listen to or read?",,5,anastasia4112,2021-01-21 04:35:26 RedPillWives,l1elbi,Goddess of fun and light,"I'm listening to the empowered wife podcast. Can anyone give me examples of how you are the GOFL in your daily life please? Thank you",,8,HappilyMrs,2021-01-20 18:03:04 RedPillWives,l0mtwm,Men should be more emotional,"I hear this a lot. Men need to display their emotions more, and in the positive (read: The way women do) way. But on talking with my husband, we agree that not only does society then mock when men do express feelings, but also that it assumes men have the constant stream of feelings that women have, complete with that need to share those feelings with others. What do you think? Do you wish your husband displayed more feelings, or felt more feelings? Do you feel society is asking men for too much, rather than respecting the way men might prefer to be? Or is there something else on the topic of men and emotion you'd like to talk about? ((Yes, my country is in lockdown, I don't have a lot of friends, and I am quite bored, how did you know?! Hehe))",,15,HappilyMrs,2021-01-19 16:07:28 RedPillWives,l0gyqa,What do you ladies think of Trump?,"Honestly, I have not followed politics AT ALL my entire life, and so I am in no way qualified to make an assessment of Trump’s presidency. However, a few of the “scandals” which blew up about him didn’t seem so scandalous to me. They all seemed to focus on his tone instead of his content and intentions. Could you ladies enlighten me a bit on the following questions: - Your opinion of Trump and its basis - Why Trump is so hated by the majority (or the very loud) - Is Joe Biden a good man, and Trump is not? I’m so sorry for asking about bottomless pits of topics, but I would appreciate it if I could get the essential points from women with a common sense that I trust. Thanks beforehand!",,4,sekoiasan,2021-01-19 10:07:08 RedPillWives,l06vcn,Vetting this specific man,"Hello wonderfully feminine ladies :D # How old are you and how familiar are you with RPW? I'm soon to be 21. Since 2016, I've been learning from first RedPillWomen and now RedPillWives. I've read extensively in both the manosphere and the recommended reading list (Fascinating Womanhood, Surrendered Single...). I've implemented the lessons on men around me with positive results. # What is your relationship status? Single, dating to find a husband. I've been talking to this man that I found through careful online dating (where I was both gently but firmly clear about my traditional intentions). I now am in the process of deciding whether I can fully accept and live with all of him for the rest of my life, and need help with clarifying if my expectations are reasonable. Before I move on to describing my issue, I need to describe this man shortly and sufficiently. # The man I'm vetting He meets my basic vetting needs concerning age (31 years old), socioeconomic status (middle class), dominance threshold (LH), male archetype (the King), wants a life-long marriage and kids. He had a rough childhood: He was beat up by muslim immigrant gangs of over 8 members from kindergarten until he was 18 years old. I have no reason to lie here, so I'll say that even before I met this guy, I found muslim immigration without quality control to be problematic. Not all muslims are violent, but the tendency to violence (and gang rape, and honor kill etc.) is statistically undeniable. At 13 years old he had to testify at court 2 weeks after being beaten to a pulp, still with broken ribs, with the entire extended family of the gang members behind him burning their eyes into the back of his head. Because of the ridiculous SJW-movement sweeping through the West, especially in heinously leftist and feminist Scandinavia, and my guy being white, the courts sided with the muslim gangs and gave them a very light sentence (juvenile institution for 2 years with option to get out early, for only 2 of the members). He walked out of the courtroom to find the other 10 members smirking at him. He said that since they kept hunting him down, and without law reinforcement on his side, he would either have to keep taking the beatings or learn to defend himself using his cunning. Long story short: he framed them a couple of times so that they in no way could escape the law, and they left him alone. As a result of this harsh childhood, he fell into a cocaine abuse from ages 23-25, as an attempt to slowly kill himself. But he got a job, quit the addiction and has been recovering slowly to this day. Now I have no problem with his past, in fact I absolutely admire his displays of great character and moral strength throughout many examples he gave (with proof). But in his case, it also came with some less than desirable habits and potential dealbreakers: \- I was upfront with him about cocaine being absolutely unacceptable in a man I would marry and have children with, and he said he would do all in his power to not take it again, but as a previous addict could not give his word that he would never do it again. \- He has an abnormally high pulse (due both to life-long stress and cocaine abuse) that he now takes medication for. \- He smokes weed, a lot (approximately 4-5 times a week) \- He is an absolute foodie and is a bit chubby. Now enjoying food is not a bad thing. But as I myself suffered a lot of health problems that were cured thanks to a carnivore diet, I'm always crystal clear about what comes first, and that is healthfulness, and not deliciousness. I have talked to him about these problems, and he has promised to do all in his power to maintain good health habits: eat right (if I cook delicious and healthy food for him), lift weights, sleep regularly, drink alcohol max. twice a week, completely quit all forms of nicotine, lose weight. He has already acted upon this promises among others by successfully cutting alcohol down to 3 times a week (3-4 beverages total), bought barbell and weights to lift during lockdown... # What is the problem? 3 potential dealbreakers: 1. As a previous coke addict, he could not give his word that he would **never** do it again. 2. He won't give up the weed. I don't think weed is that harmful, but a reasonable amount in my head is max once a week. 3. He is an absolute foodie, and that's not something you simply subordinate to healthy choices unless you radically shift your priority towards health. A healthy diet is incredibly important, and he's already chubby now. He and I align on everything else but health habits. I admire and respect him so much for his strength, his christian values (he strives to be a good Samaritan), we share sense of humour, dreams, life plans. My question is, am I throwing something almost perfect away for a reason too trivial? # How have you contributed to the problem? We are not in a relationship yet, so I haven't been a part of causing his behaviour, which was in his life before we met. I've been very warm, receptive and open-minded when listening to him and considering his viewpoint. I have so much empathy and understanding for what he has gone through, and he has said so many times how talking to me makes him feel at peace, understood and not alone for the first time in his life. However, I cannot choose a husband just to be his salvation. # What have you done to resolve this problem? Read the vetting posts on here carefully. Thought about it. Still thinking, whilst keeping an open mind. I do not want to eliminate a man due to unrealistic expectations. There are so many aspects and details which were not mentioned, but I couldn't write it all. I will of course clarify if any questions arise. TLDR: This man I'm vetting qualifies in all aspects of RedPillWives' vetting guide's criteria, except that he was a previous coke addict who cannot guarantee he will never touch coke again; smokes weed almost daily and is a foodie to the point where he might stay chubby the rest of his life. Am I unreasonable if I consider these 3 points dealbreakers? &#x200B; Thanks beforehand both for your help here, but also for all the amazing posts that you ladies have contributed to this community!",,3,sekoiasan,2021-01-18 23:37:35 RedPillWives,kwum3n,What to do when your husband is “manly” when gender roles benefit him and extremely “un-manly” when they don’t?,"I think the title sums it up. We have a very traditional marriage-I’m a SAHM and he’s in the Navy. IMO, I think it’s starting to build a little resentment in him but getting into that can get off topic. *EDIT TO ADD: I’ve heard women say “don’t do wife jobs for girlfriend pay-well I feel like he’s expecting me to do a therapists job for wife pay...that can be kept in mind throughout this reading * Anyway, when gender roles benefit him such as me changing all the diapers-I do it, no questions asked or complaints. Legit-I told him I’d change all the diapers if we have kids. We’ve had two kids and he has changed probably 3 pee diapers because I was busy doing something else. Moving into a more emotional realm now- He has a lot of childhood trauma, from his mothers heroin overdose specifically, and I feel like he brings a lot of that into the relationship unconsciously. I’m sure I bring baggage in as well and I try to acknowledge that. Anyway, my problem seems to be his emotional maturity. If I do something that he doesn’t see fit or I don’t do something that he thought I should, lately he is very prone to interpreting it in such a way that smears me in a terrible light. He also seems very unwilling to try to understand that we both have different interpretations of one another’s behavior. How he interprets it is the “right” way and more often than not, when I try to explain my view, he pegs it as me being manipulative, disrespectful, etc. My example-and please no judgment. I’m in a pot legal state with two young kids. Last night, I asked him if I could go outside to smoke after they fell asleep (since he’s home &amp; staying sober) sometimes I just need a mental getaway so I can come back refreshed for the kids the next morning. Anyway, I go outside and it’s starts storming a little into my session, so I hop into this shed that he recently built thinking I could finish in there. It starts storming worse and the roof rips off the shed. The door to the shed is smacking against the car and won’t stay shut. I texted him about it and he asked me to put a rock in front of the door-fair request. Although, at this point, I’m kinda high and the storm is freaking me out. It’s super dark and I have no idea where a rock is so I come inside to collect myself until I’m ready to go back out and do as he asked so he doesn’t have to. Anyway, I come in &amp; he asks if I did it and I told him no to which he gets upset. I don’t have a moment to explain that I was just a little anxious from the storm &amp; wanted to put my stuff away before I fiddled with the rock scenario. I sort of shut down &amp; just don’t say anything because I want calm. He then asks if I can take off my pants so he can wear them to go out and do it. (We had sex prior &amp; I was wearing his sweats) I’m cold &amp; high now and I’m simply not processing his anger well (because I feel like I’m being berated &amp; not been given any grace) So anyway I just kind of stand there without saying anything so I can take a minute to think of what to say to make him chill back out. He gets increasingly mad that I’ve not responded to him now-he starts getting loud. I made a comment t about something random that popped into my head that I thought would soften the mood. He doesn’t take it well because I haven’t yet acknowledged what he wants me to do. At this point, I’ve sat down on the floor to ride him out, I find my happy place in my mind and tell myself I’ll function better when he stops barking at me. We’ll he doesn’t take this well and now he’s furious. He stomps into the bedroom, gets his clothes &amp; does it himself. I figure, we’ll talk about it tomorrow like mature adults when I’m in a better headspace and I’ll explain that I was just anxious and I should have functioned better, however I felt his attitude towards me didn’t help. Anyway, he decides he’s going to bed since he’s so mad at me and I figured I’d enjoy the quiet until I go to bed shortly after &amp; work it out in the morning. High is a nice headspace to reflect &amp; think about what I can do better but not a good headspace for confrontation for me. Well he comes out of the bedroom to tell me how mad at me he is because I “ignored” and “neglected” him...etc etc. His tone is very off putting. It’s really making me uncomfortable. I told him I’m sorry and I think it was a misunderstanding, I ask if we can put this on hold until tomorrow. That makes him more angry.—He seems to be going through this thing where he think his “feelings” super red everybody else’s. Like because he’s being “vulnerable” and expressing his feelings (something men don’t usually do) now I owe it to him to drop everything in order to tend to his feelings. One night he even told me that he was upset I prioritize sleep over talking about his feelings. I’m a mother of two very young children! I need my rest or I’m not a good mother! I wish there were more hours during the day-especially to be alone with him &amp; discuss things but there aren’t and I have to prioritize. I do try to set up scenarios for him to express himself. Today-We all went to a trail park and I figured that we could talk while the kids walk the trail since they won’t be inclined to listen or interrupt. He said he didn’t want to talk and I respected that since that’s what I asked of him last night. Then while we’re walking-he just keeps making extremely petty comments about how nobody every listens to him, etc. he even picks up our 3yo and says something to our son about how nobody listens to him-like he’s fighting with me through him. That’s when I got upset. I simply told him how unhealthy that was &amp; he kept going until I got real my stern about how we aren’t going to do that to the kids. Okay I’ve rambled at this point but I thought all those things were relevant. I feel really gaslighted by him right now. I do my best to show him that he’s loved &amp; respected and now it’s all thrown out the window because of a misunderstanding while I was anxious? He won’t even entertain my explanation. I defended myself when he started getting rude with me so he’s doubled down about how I don’t respect him. I feel like he wants me to respect him more than I respect myself and that isn’t me and I don’t think that’s healthy. I’m all about personal boundaries and respecting them, even within marriage. He thinks I use personal boundaries as an excuse to silence him and never listen when I feel like I use them as a means for me to take a second to get my bearings before I go into a situation without having thought about all aspects. Okay- also I know I’m comparing apples to oranges when I’m talking about the diaper thing vs this emotional situation. Maybe I didn’t title this post correctly. But I feel like his behavior is extremely unattractive right now for so many reasons and it’s just turning me off to him. Sometimes I wish he could just play the role of “man” and chill with the “feelings” because his feelings have been a lot of hard work for me lately and I want a mental break from it. (However what’s more important to me is that I embrace him when he opens up &amp; don’t ever discourage him talking about how he feels...I just wish he could respect that I want to find a healthier way to go about things) Anyway-maybe I’m posting this for validation or to alleviate guilt? Thoughts or ideas? I feel guilty for wanting to shirk off his negative emotions but I also feel like if I was a man-it would all be okay since women are “too emotional”, that’s where the gender role thing came into play with my title. Another edit to add: I tried to come onto him while he was fixing the shed this morning to apologize & he totally pushed me away. The kids were occupied & he’s kinky & always trying to get a quickie in during the day. I’m just at a loss of what to do with how he handles anger. Okay sorry if this post is all over the place. It’s just the headspace I’m in right now. TIA for any input-I’ll find time to read through &amp; do my best for time to respond amongst two demanding small children &amp; a demanding grumpy husband",,9,clitclamchowder,2021-01-14 00:58:20 RedPillWives,kvimy6,"Career advice, please?","Hello ladies! This is my first time posting on Reddit so I hope I am doing it right. I have been following this thread for a while and you are all amazing, and I love the philosophy. I am a 25 year old (f), from London. Dropped out of university first time as I did not like my course. I have found my direction now and I would like to be a life coach (the long term vision). I am not sure whether I should go to university to take a psychology or counselling course to do this as it is not actually necessary to coach. I have a lot of pressure from my parents to go back into education as they believe in being “professional”. My dilemma is that I do not want to study at this moment in time. I want to continue growing my social media (I have 20k followers and make small money at the moment) but there is huge growth potential and a lot of my friends are very successful at it. I need more life experience to coach, and I would like to go travelling, make videos, settle down and marry well and be a stay at home wife with a side business coaching. I feel like I would be wasting the last years of my 20’s in education before I make my life about other people. But I also do not want to mess up my future by not being responsible. My dad is saying I am only thinking about what is in front of me and not thinking long term. Does anyone have any advice on what they think I should do? I know ultimately the decision is my own but I would like to hear some wisdom along with any advice / regrets from their 20’s? Many thanks!!",,5,awomansinfluence,2021-01-12 02:51:19 RedPillWives,kvcx1l,How to make my home look nicer,"I have got a couple things going on: - we bought our house with the intention of fixing the cosmetic stuff- had the money on hand for it... Other stuff popped up and took our cash (the roof, AC, etc). - kitchen “remodel” put on hold because project is not infeasible but way, way more labor intensive and expensive then initially expected. House was built in 1959 - it is the same exact kitchen. We have a stove top range separate from the oven (which just sits on the counter). Electric won’t support putting in a stove/oven combo - that would have given us more space. - a few half started projects - lacking time and energy to finish between work and homeschooling and child rearing I just can’t seem to muster up the enthusiasm to finish. We just seem stuck on some parts - so we just never finished (like the kitchen is half painted to cover the wallpaper). - I am a terrible housekeeper. I have a hard time keeping things neat. I don’t know how to organize and *stay* organized. Add on a husband and 4 kids and a dog... I feel lost. I’m not creative and I have a hard time picturing how things could go together. I can see furniture or artwork and think “ew”, but when it’s all out together I’m like “oh wow that looks amazing”. So I just lack that creativity to put things together. - my husband is totally ashamed of our home. He doesn’t want anyone to see it ever. I really don’t think it’s *that* bad. Yes it needs updating. But we haven’t had guests in years since we moved in. My son is starting in-home violin lessons and I’m a nervous wreck about having someone come over, my husband’s reaction to it, and just it not looking amazing. I just don’t know how to salvage what I have and make it look nicer. Help!! Edit: to add details: we have a split level house. One the entry level is a somewhat open living room/dining room/kitchen. We have wall to wall carpet that was brand new when we moved in. The intention was to rip it out right away and we didn’t care for it properly. Now 4 years later it really needs to be taken up. We are also on a limited budget....",,10,anothergoodbook,2021-01-11 21:43:42 RedPillWives,krsu1p,What are your favorites subreddits?,I want to explore some new communities. What is your recommendation?,,18,acgs1995,2021-01-06 17:41:56 RedPillWives,kroua9,"I want to get married, but he won't commit","Hi, sorry for the formatting, I'm on mobile. I'm new to red pill, but I'm really into the philosophy and lifestyle, so I'd like to ask for your advice. I am 28 yo and I've been on a relationship for the past four and a half years. Him and I were friends for around four to five years before dating. He is also a TRP man, very strong, a talented leader and a good Christian. However, I feel like time is passing by and he will not commit to me. He had talked about plans to get married in the past December, but he acted like it wasn't serious and didn't do anything to bring those plans to fruition. I used to be completely against having children, but I've changed my mind and I am afraid to stay with him for way too long, just to end up alone and too old to have children. I've talked to him about my concerns and he brushes them off by saying I'm desperate. He always says he doesn't have the money for a wedding or makes excuses saying I won't be the same as a wife as I am right now. He says he is afraid I won't look after him or cook for him once we are married, but I've always been kind and supporting, I have changed a lot for the better and he is still very insecure. He sometimes talks about marriage like it meant losing his freedom, but at the same time he says he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. A few details just for context: -He is almost 34 yo. -We bought a plot to build our house in. -My current income is about double his and we could not afford for me to be a stay at home wife, but that is our long term goal. -We are not intimate and I am sure he is faithful. So, what do you think I should do?",,9,Thatknow-it-allGirl,2021-01-06 14:25:48 RedPillWives,krc5pm,Laura Doyle 5-day Challenge,"So yesterday was the start of Surrendered Wife author Laura Doyle’s free 5-day challenge, which she does biannually. The book is great but it takes much more in depth work to really internalize the skills. For a few months now I’ve been studying w her Empowered Wives Group and listening time her podcast and it’s turning our recent relationship breakdown into a breakthrough. Can’t recommend more and so I thought you ladies would enjoy being part of this free challenge where you get a lot of really valuable info condensed into just a few days/videos. It started yesterday but you can view replays of the videos and there’s a private Facebook group:[here’s the link to join the challenge](https://lauradoyle.org/5day-challenge-fb) Btw I’m not affiliated w LD just a big fan. The RPW community really embraces the teachings and is where I found out about her in the first place. Thanks RPW! I’ll follow up w my cliff notes from each session in the comments as it helps me work the skills too. But if you have a chance do check out the videos, they’re great.",,28,vintagegirlgame,2021-01-06 00:41:14 RedPillWives,kr9kaf,"Flirting, controlling the pace and setting boundaries","I'm 23, single again after the end of a 3 year relationship. For a lot of men-- even ones who are ultimately good men-- testing boundaries is in their nature. They love to get you to change your mind or make an exception for them. In TRP and other communities, you can see them go into detail on exactly *how* to push a woman's boundaries and get her to sleep with them. In my experience, many men I encounter in the wild like to persuade as well. This shouldn't be a problem for a woman who knows what she wants. She knows her boundaries and makes sure that they're respected. For me, that doesn't come naturally. It's the most perilous part of flirting and dating. In the past I've felt compelled to go along with something a guy wants me to even though I wasn't comfortable with it, because I didn't know how to say no in a way that wouldn't burn a bridge prematurely. On other occasions I did just that-- I *did* say no, but the way I did it made the man feel utterly rejected, even when that wasn't my intention. I know that some men will lose interest no matter what if you don't give them what they want. That's more than ok with me. But others just want to see what you'll let them get away with, *expecting* that you'll be an adult and let them know if something doesn't work for you. Any tips on making it clear to a guy that you're not down for something without killing rapport?",,9,dabadeedabadaa,2021-01-05 22:30:14 RedPillWives,kpe0ci,When to decide you can't follow his guidelines,"I've been with my Captain 4.5 years. He's made my life so much better in every way; I adore him. He's taught me how to be feminine, a good partner and how to love him in ways he values. My life would be bleak without him and he's made it clear continually that he's keeping me. We had Covid earlier this year. It's been rough; we're both long-haulers. He has more extreme symptoms then I do consistently and we're honestly not sure if he's going to recover. It's been a lot. He wants to create a bubble for us of 0% risk of getting the virus again. I support that; I'm not sure either of us would survive. When describing our protocols it sounds extreme, but reasonable considering the consequences of getting sick again. And then... there's a situation that I think I'm follow his rules, he finds out about it and he makes it emphatically clear that he doesn't feel like I am following his rules and is frustrated that I thought whatever I did or was going to do was appropriate. It's eroding his trust in me as his first mate, which I highly prize. I want to respect his needs to feel safe, but I'm honestly not sure I can follow his guidelines. I also am inclined to think he has an anxiety disorder and that he's currently focusing that need for control into Covid protocols, to feel safe. I get why he feels these protocols are necessary (in general my organic ones would be similar, maybe 10% less, but I don't know anyone else I'd want to be Covid bonded with) and I chose him because he was capable of doing the research etc to make these kinds of decisions. I was tired of being the conservative one with risks and have been delighted with his decisions in general. I'm also inclined to think that if I decide I can't hold up his protocols, need to not be Covid bonded and need to move elsewhere, then our mutual chance of survival is less. We need each other. And yet... I feel like I'm constantly disappointing him by thinking actions are okay that he declares are outside of boundaries. I adore him and love being with him. But at what point do I decide I can't fulfill his expectations of me?",,3,sweettansy,2021-01-03 04:52:07 RedPillWives,kp3c4z,What skills/abilities a good wife should have?,"Hello! I’m newly married and I wonder what skills a good wife should have. I already am a good cooker (love to cook, so it was a natural thing for me), but I’m thinking about starting sewing. I’m not a stay at home wife, unfortunately, but I still would like to learn some “classic” abilities. Please, share your advice with me (:",,23,acgs1995,2021-01-02 19:01:59 RedPillWives,kn4w07,Can y’all tell me your engagement stories while I patiently await for my turn?,We’ve been talking about it a lot lately. I’ve been obsessed with watching proposal videos. Definitely getting a bit overexcited🥰,,36,DancerInTheFlowers,2020-12-30 16:04:31 RedPillWives,kl81x3,Hack - what's cookin good lookin,"Mandatory apology for bad formatting due to being on my phone. I think I just might have found the solution to the dreaded ""what would you like for dinner?"" -""uh idk"" And then you're stuck with limitless thinking, browsing the internet to no avail and alas reverting to your playing-it-safe casserole hoping that hubs won't notice you've rolled it out thrice this week. No more! I myself overthink my week's menu WAY too much. My fiancé works from home while I work parttime from home & have uni as well, so there is little time to ponder about dinner. _Cuisine Roulette_ Is my way to go now. So what's Cuisine Roulette? I pick out one cuisine for the week and bind myself to it for the whole week. When in doubt, I just have to check Google for a dish from my chosen cuisine and it's much easier than browsing through random limitless stuff! I know it sounds dumb now... but this has seriously helped me with my uncertainty. If you are still not sure how this is supposed to look like... tomorrow is Monday, it's going to be Mexican week. Let's say I already have a few dishes in mind. Day 1: Chili con carne & homemade olive bread Day 2: Burritos Day 3: Tacos and spicy potato wedges Day 4: DIY fajitas Now on day 5 I will probably run out of ideas, I can only know so many Mexican dishes right? I google ""Mexican dishes"", pick a nice one and find an easy recipe for it. I don't know about you ladies but I wouldn't have known what a Mole or a Bistec Encabollado is and that they would save me from my culinary creativity block. Point is.. it's much easier to find good recipes if you know what you're looking for. AND you will really feel like a Michelin Star Chef knowing how to cook all these different dishes from around the world. Some example cuisines for anyone willing to try: 1) Italian, 2) Thai, 3) Indian (specifically, North Indian), 4) Vietnamese, 5) French, 6) Southern American, 7) Chinese, 8) Middle Eastern, 9) Spanish, 10) Greek I will share my favorite recipe from each cuisine below. 1) Italian [Pumpkin Risotto](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.carolinescooking.com/pumpkin-risotto/&ved=2ahUKEwi5q5bG2-7tAhXhTxUIHab3D2EQrbMEMAB6BAgBEAY&usg=AOvVaw0k3XRfzU8Sq9C9lfKri6Cj) 2) Thai [Coconut Cream Chicken Curry](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.averiecooks.com/thai-chicken-coconut-curry/&ved=2ahUKEwi-9fX62-7tAhWFqHEKHRXmANkQrbMEMAB6BAgBEAY&usg=AOvVaw2MNLPjI5yzK3UUvSJtDQpL) 3) Indian [Palak Paneer](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.indianhealthyrecipes.com/palak-paneer-recipe-easy-paneer-recipes-step-by-step-pics/&ved=2ahUKEwiH2cqZ3O7tAhVAVhUIHYh4DHwQFjAFegQIBhAB&usg=AOvVaw0kO0PZP2QrUesOYxnjvT5s) 4) Vietnamese [Bo Kho](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/1019891-bo-kho-vietnamese-braised-beef-stew&ved=2ahUKEwi9wI3T3O7tAhWDqHEKHS7fAV0QrbMEMAB6BAgBEAY&usg=AOvVaw14wOn1_55sXfQnMPEaa2zz) 5) French [Salmon en Papillote](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/219188/carlys-salmon-en-papillote-in-paper/&ved=2ahUKEwiTutLm3O7tAhUGUBUIHaudB5MQrbMEMAN6BAgBEBY&usg=AOvVaw3qwzGYAZGLjO_Uu87If1mt) 6) Southern [Catfish and Sweetpotato Fries](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://theunemployedfoodie.wordpress.com/tag/whitney-miller/&ved=2ahUKEwivn4KG3e7tAhW5VBUIHcK-CCIQFjAAegQIARAB&usg=AOvVaw00mNZ8cjLtZZG3HwSaQZVS) 7) Chinese [General Tso's Chicken](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.seriouseats.com/recipes/2014/04/the-best-general-tsos-chicken-food-lab-chinese-recipe.html&ved=2ahUKEwjIqp253e7tAhWCUBUIHYAZCegQFjAAegQIARAB&usg=AOvVaw3nTHAPnhxRmAqeAtPrFX8K) 8) Middle Eastern [Lebanese Chicken Fatte with Chickpeas ](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://feelgoodfoodie.net/recipe/lebanese-chicken-fatteh/&ved=2ahUKEwjovcHi3e7tAhVsRBUIHc_RBQgQFjAFegQIEhAB&usg=AOvVaw36Raqr_v1_TGNLH-BA47de) 9) Spanish [No-Brainer Paella](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://tastesbetterfromscratch.com/paella/&ved=2ahUKEwi_7ef63e7tAhVEUhUIHWyDBZsQFjAFegQIDhAB&usg=AOvVaw3Ju29wnQkQV0vIHBXq_ahj) 10) Greek [Spanakopita](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/18417/spanakopita-greek-spinach-pie/&ved=2ahUKEwjN8cSj3u7tAhXiURUIHQm1C6gQrbMEMAN6BAgkEAs&usg=AOvVaw2xDDr91nCqB2vzosz0cKT9) with [Halloumi Fries](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://scrummylane.com/crispy-halloumi-fries/&ved=2ahUKEwiG-6m63u7tAhXzuXEKHXwHBbYQrbMEMAJ6BAgBEBE&usg=AOvVaw3k14GSfM0K7RIiZSQOvDQ9) Happy cooking! <3",,44,[deleted],2020-12-27 17:59:52 RedPillWives,kkiasr,"Parenting, Motherhood, Pregnancy Mega-Thread - December 26, 2020","Hello Ladies: Feel free to post your advice, wisdom, or questions relating to all things babies!!! - RPWi's mod team",,5,AutoModerator,2020-12-26 13:04:26 RedPillWives,kic41r,"New to this, can I even be a RP Wife?","Originally tried to post this in r/RedPillWomen and then read your title post and decided this would fit better here! So I just stumbled upon this concept. I am a 35 year old woman, married. We have a big blended family. I work and go to school but I was happiest when I was a stay at home mom and housewife. Unfortunately financial obligations dictate that is no longer possible. So I've focused on my career and now I'm in school and I feel like I don't see my family hardly ever. My husband is still working from home, and my work went back on June 1st. My commute is an hour one way. I've found since I've been working I've been progressively losing respect for my husband. It's not that he's done anything wrong and in fact he's done nothing but improve himself since we got together. Working out, becoming a better father, stepping up and taking care of the kids and the household since I started school. Now we are stuck this way, in this lifestyle, because money and time dictate that I have to finish school and get a better job, which will put me in a position making significantly more than he does. Conversely, they eradicated his department at his old job and the only new job he was able to find was as a temp, he has very little hope of furthering his career. He still makes more than me now but that's going to change once I graduate. His field is dying, and he's unable to do anything about it. We barely see each other. And I miss being a traditional wife so bad it hurts. But he can't make enough money on his own to support us, and I can't stop where I'm at because our financial burdens keep growing as the kids get older, cars break down, and house upgrades are needed. I've been working progressively on showing him more respect since I realized that I had somehow lost respect for him and was treating him horribly. I still very much love him and he has done nothing but work hard to earn my respect and I've been so demoralizing towards him, despite all of his efforts. I've listened to the proper care and feeding of husbands and I see a lot of that in myself (although I've never been a nagger and he picks up after himself better than I do). I do often defer to his preferences and his wants and let him make most of the actual decisions, but I'm a jerk to him sometimes also. I never, ever withhold sex from him though. I am better with technology so I handle it all, the bulk of our future career, our finances, everything is left up to me. I didn't mind handling the finances when I was a housewife and stay at home mother, but now that I'm doing it all I just feel like I ""wear the pants"" so to speak. But I don't want to put that on him as he is already handling all of his responsibilities and the bulk of mine. Money has never been an argument we've had because neither of us are very materialistic and neither of us care much about it other than making sure our bills are paid. Also, with him working from home and me not, we are on different schedules because he doesn't have to get up nearly as early as I do. Also, the majority of resources I find for respecting your husband are religious, and we are definitely not. Apparently that makes us a minority? So I guess I'm posting all this to say, what are your thoughts? Is it even possible for me to be a red pill wife? What are some ways I can show my husband respect more?",,9,[deleted],2020-12-22 19:24:58 RedPillWives,kg7e0z,"SHIT POST SATURDAY - December 19, 2020","Hello Ladies: Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. Have fun and let's all laugh together! - RPWi's mod team",,4,AutoModerator,2020-12-19 13:04:27 RedPillWives,kec2gb,"Newly Married, Need Help Avoiding Judgmental Attitude","Hi everyone, I (F23) am newly married to a great man (M25). The married life has been great so far, but I do feel like it's different and hard because of coronavirus right now. My husband works from home and I am in college, but taking classes from home as well so we see each other almost all day, every day. Additionally, my husband's work goes through busy and slow seasons. Right now they are in a slow season so there's not much work to do. I say all this to provide relevant details for the situation. My judgmental attitude is coming from the fact that my husband sleeps in pretty late. He will sleep until 10am on weekdays, sometimes longer. His work starts at 9, but since it is a slow season many of his coworkers don't sign on until later anyways. However, I can't help but feel disgust when he sleeps so late. Even if he's not required to be to work on time, why is he so lazy? I also probably acquired a ""holier than thou"" attitude because I get up at 5:30am to go to the gym and shower and get ready before my classes start at 9. He hasn't been to the gym since lockdown in March. I am just at a loss for what to do because when I get home at 8 from the gym and he is still sleeping it just makes me so angry. And when I start classes at 9 and he is still sleeping it makes me want to scream at him to get up. I haven't actually screamed at him so I guess that's good, but there will be times I will wake him up and tell him what time it is. We got in a bad habit where I was waking him up every day until I told him I couldn't do it anymore and he should set an alarm instead. However, he often doesn't set an alarm or sets it for 9 and turns it off and goes back to bed. I've tried to just ignore it and not wake him up, but sometimes I just can't resist because it gets on my nerves that he sleeps so late and is missing work. &#x200B; To provide some additional background, his current job is one that he dislikes. He's been working there for about a year, but he plans to go to law school this coming summer, which is what he is really passionate about. I say this to provide context that I think the main reason he is so lazy is because he has no motivation to do well at this job because he knows he will be gone soon plus he doesn't like the work. I guess if I was in his situation I wouldn't want to get up early for a job I hate either. But I guess I expect him to find other motivations, like going to the gym or reading the Bible or some other kind of hobby. He used to get up early to go to the gym before work, so I know he's capable of it, but that was over a year ago. &#x200B; I haven't addressed this issue with him because to me it seems very petty. Plus I don't want to be controlling- his sleep schedule is his business, not mine. However, I can't shake the feelings of disgust and disrespect and bitterness I get when he sleeps so late. &#x200B; Please advise me, what should I do to cope with my feelings?",,7,GreenSweater123,2020-12-16 16:13:55 RedPillWives,kdaefr,DH m/32 says women shouldn’t hold political power," And he says if he had a daughter he wouldn’t want her to take leadership positions. When I told him that wasn’t a nice thing to say, he cut me off and said he is not having this discussion with me. Wwyd?",,5,invisibleme34,2020-12-15 00:20:40 RedPillWives,kcx2m1,Small Success- thanks :),"I posted a little while back about balancing chores and work and kids. A few people suggested looking into codependency. I started reading some different books on the topic and it really resonated with me. I was able to see that I was super irresponsible in the beginning of our marriage (money, following through on things I agreed on, chores, etc). I believe we were both codependent. My husband’s eventual way of coping was to not argue with me - just shut up about the stuff he didn’t like. Eventually it built up to the point that when we had some major stressors - he couldn’t hold back all of those years of brushing it under the rug. He was incredibly resentful, angry, and so forth. It shifted into me coping using a lot of codependent habits. Needless to say we were in a really bad place for 2-3 years. Also add in that he has OCD and the stressors triggered hay that as well. I’ve been working solely on me for the last month or so. I’ve been super intentional with self care. I’m recognizing the things that are triggering my insecurities and being honest about them. My attitude has been considerably better toward my husband. I’ve been more pleasant and just going out of my way to be kind to him. I have started to really focus on that I can’t change my husband. If he is upset or resentful I can’t change that. That’s a choice he is making. But onto the win! Last weekend we attempted to go out for our anniversary. I was disappointed because he had been super distant and instead of getting angry, I did the work to figure out why I felt that way. I was able to see that I was feeling scared and insecure because my husband’s dad recently left his wife (husband’s mom) because of many of the things my husband has been angry about. I shared that with my husband instead of getting angry and defensive. Fast forward to *this* weekend and it was wonderful. Weekends tend to be hard because we eventually argue just being around each other. But... we didn’t. Even when the kids were being loud and frustrating or when things didn’t quite go how we planned. I guess - my take away is to not give up. It’s taken a long time to say we had just a great weekend. And that I’m so grateful for this community who helped point me in a good direction.",,34,anothergoodbook,2020-12-14 12:52:04 RedPillWives,kaq4qc,How do you stay on top of your groceries?,"As the woman of the house, how do you manage or keep track of your food inventory? When do you go grocery shopping? Do you spend the same amount of money each time you go to the grocery store? Do you buy the same groceries? How do you keep yourself organized?",,16,[deleted],2020-12-10 23:16:24 RedPillWives,k9rg5p,Female version of Rian Stone?,"Hey y'all, new here, found this /r scouring the internet with search terms like ""female version of Rian stone"". I'm trying to find female personalities who are like him but, obviously, for women. ""Like him"" in the sense that they break down what actually works in dating and relationships and overall feminine well being/authenticity. Preferably they have a compelling (not gimmicky like I see so often...Shen Wade Inc I'm lookin at you) writing/speaking style, or a podcast where they do in depth interviews. If anyone has reccommendations that would be sweet. TIA!",,4,homoscarfiens2,2020-12-09 13:02:10 RedPillWives,k8q9a4,Should I pick up after my teenage step kids ?,"My husband hates messes. They stress him out because he has OCD. Usually before he gets home from work, I quickly go around the house and tidy and clean things. If the house gets too messy (especially the kitchen) his mood plummets. Sometimes it turns into an all out fit and he’ll scold me and the children and very angrily deep clean the kitchen for hours on end, which then becomes really stressful for me (even though I get a *very* clean kitchen out of it). I don’t blame him for reacting this way; he shouldn’t have to tell his daughters and I to clean up after ourselves at this point... I grew up with a pretty strict step dad who came into my life when I was 4, and so he felt comfortable with exerting parental authority. He had the family clean every Saturday morning, and if my brothers or I left a mess somewhere, he would make us stop doing whatever it was we were doing (no matter what it was) and come clean it up. I feel like that helped me at least a little bit (there’s only so many times your shower or nap can be interrupted by someone telling you to go pick up your tennis shoes or do your dishes before you start to at least think about it before you leave them there), even though in my late teenage/ early adult years, when I was living on my own, I was super lazy and messy and could live in absolutely unacceptable conditions without being the least bit bothered. (Although I had a lot of conflict with roommates in my first couple semesters of college!) It took me a long time and a year’s worth of military training before I became habitually neat enough to not drive my husband insane. There were a few times in the beginning of our relationship where my messiness almost broke us up, but I’ve since then I’ve come a long, long way, especially since finding the red pill. My step kids aren’t the messiest I’ve ever seen (I’m certainly not bothered by it), but they do leave things out sometimes that bother my husband. The question becomes: do I spare my husband the stress of his daughters’ messes and just quietly clean up after them (which I don’t mind doing at all), or do I leave them so that they get reprimanded and perhaps learn to pick up after themselves and not have the struggle with neatness that I went through? Am I doing them a disservice? Should I just let them figure it out and focus on Hubby’s happiness? I’m conflicted. I don’t feel like I have the same kind of authority over them that my stepdad had over me, as I came into their lives so much later, and I don’t really want to order them about, otherwise I would reprimand them myself. Sometimes I’ll ask them politely to move or grab something, but usually only if it’s in the space I need to use or if we have guests coming over... I’m currently expecting, and I know I’ll be able to correct my own daughter’s behavior and instill the right habits so that she doesn’t struggle with messiness like I did, but I just don’t have the spine when it comes to children who aren’t mine. (Which is kind of crazy to me, since I can easily order around whole groups of men when I’m doing military service.. guess that also explains why I was never particularly good at babysitting...) What do you think?",,6,BeruitBody49,2020-12-07 21:43:46 RedPillWives,k774nm,"Simple Questions - December 05, 2020","Hello Ladies: Ask any question that doesn’t require its own post! Subreddit [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/wiki/rules) still apply but the range of acceptable subjects is wider. Anyone can ask, and anyone can answer! Be sure to check for new comments periodically :) - RPWi's mod team",,3,AutoModerator,2020-12-05 13:04:31 RedPillWives,k4kpgh,Hypothetical questions about cheating:conversations with my husband,"We had an interesting conversation last night after watching a movie and I thought “hey, I bet this would be a cool discussion for here”. The conversation was around something said by the main character in Gran Tarino. He’s making confession and says he kissed another woman but never told his wife. My husband asked if me if I would have wanted to know if that happened. Like we are talking one kiss - not a full blown affair. My reasoning was if it was a stupid thing that you knew was wrong and it was just a kiss, I probably wouldn’t want to know. And if it happened, let’s say, 20 years ago - I really don’t want to know. That the entire point of telling would be to relieve the kisser’s guilt and make themselves feel better. But it would make me doubt the whole last 20 years. I’d rather just stay blissfully ignorant. We also talked about cheating “more”. Like a full blown affair and how they develop. I said I think someone is extremely naive or stupid to just sort of “slip” into an affair (like not realizing how far into an affair until it’s “too late”). I suppose that was two separate questions. Would you want to know if your SO kissed someone else 20 years later. Would it be a deal breaker? *And* how do you think affairs start? Is it gradual and subtle or are there signs that the person is willfully ignoring?",,18,anothergoodbook,2020-12-01 13:21:57 RedPillWives,k442ju,My (25F) boyfriend (27M) doesn’t get excited about having sex because jerking off is just easier,"I’ve lurked on this sub for about a year, so I’m fairly familiar with the general concepts. This post is getting a lot of “just dump him” responses, which is not on the table at the moment, so I’m posting it here to get another perspective. We have been dating 3 years, living together for 2 (yeah I know, frowned upon), everything else in the relationship is great and we are compatible, but sex has always been a bit boring/left me feeling less than satisfied. I’m overall happy with my life and I would say our sex life now is exactly fine. I haven’t felt that he is excited about or cares about “exacting pleasure on me”, is excited to discover my body, is excited to investigate new things with me, etc. I’m excited to do all that stuff with/to him, but my excitement is a bit suppressed at this point because it hasn’t been returned so now I just feel “lame” or “silly” for being excited about sex. This has been a simmering problem since the honeymoon phase wore off, so maybe 2-2.5 years. But now pretty much everything else is great and this is the one issue, so it seems big because it’s the only one to focus on. We have both said it’s the one thing keeping us from being 100% comfortable getting engaged. He says he wants me to be happy but if he’s feeling horny he would ideally just like to jerk off since that’s much easier and simpler than having sex. I objectively understand this sentiment. And when we do have sex, I basically get fingered and then he jerks off via my mouth or vagina, and he makes sure I finish as well. He says this feeling of not being excited about sex has happened in past relationships too. All the things that sound like fun to me apparently just sound like work to him. As far as sex being “worth the effort”, I don’t really know what to do to make it more worth/less effort on my part. I’m pretty low maintenance as far as foreplay goes, I don’t like receiving oral anyway so he doesn’t have to do that. I keep everything shaved (my own personal preference), I’m in very good physical shape, I’m on BC so he doesn’t have to deal with condoms. I really try to give him pleasure too (I actually enjoy giving bjs), and I think I do a good job but I’ve also asked if there is anything else he wants or anything I can do better and he just says it’s “fine” as is. In general I also try not to nag and don’t really demand that much of him (he agrees with this). I’m not trying to toot my own horn, just rule out things that probably aren’t the issue (and this happened to him in a previous relationship anyway). His actual sex drive isn’t oddly low either; in an average week he gets off 4 times, with 0-3 being jerking off and 1-4 being sex with me. My ideal would be sex 4 times a week, so this part doesn’t worry me. I don’t think it’s an issue with unrealistic expectations set by porn; I’ve watched porn with him and he watches pretty basic stuff, and mostly seeks out amateur stuff because he doesn’t like how regular porn is unrealistic. He also likes to jerk off to pictures/videos of me, and while cuddling/groping me, so I think he finds me sexually attractive in general. He doesn’t have death grip/any issue orgasming when we have sex/bjs. We have tried him not jerking off at all (his idea, not mine), and that does increase the frequency I have sex since he still gets off about 4 times/week, but the excitement part still isn’t there. Selfishness/laziness is obviously a part of it but I don’t think it’s the root of it and in every other way he is empathetic, introspective, shows he cares about me, all that good stuff. Even when we talk about this I can tell he cares about making me happy and he’s sad that this is getting in the way. Even when I think/say my concerns seem nit-picky he reassures me they are valid. And he does “try” after we talk about things, it’s just that I can tell it’s “trying” and not “excitement/desire”. And it’s not only things involving his effort/my pleasure, the “eh it’s fine, no more work/effort necessary” attitude is also applied to my effort/his pleasure. We have tried some bdsm stuff (which we are both into), but it doesn’t go well since we haven’t talked about what we actually want to experience/specifics as much as we need to. I try to bring stuff up that I’m excited about trying, but I get the familiar “yeah that sounds good” instead of the exciting/detailed conversation that would ideally follow. So then when he tries stuff during sex I get nervous because we haven’t talked about it, I don’t know what to expect, and therefore don’t feel comfortable. So he has had some negative reinforcement as far as feeling like he “tried” and it backfired. We agree this negative reinforcement is not helping the more general issue so we need to focus on solving this with vanilla sex first, and the bdsm stuff will be easier to get on the same page about afterwards in the theoretical future world where he is excited for sex, excited to discuss/try new things, and excited to discover each other’s bodies/what makes them tick. Just at the moment all those things sound like unnecessary work to him. There have been a couple times that this gets brought up too close to or during sex, which I know is bad. I really try to always keep positive and give it my all during sex and address any issues later, and I mostly succeed. But sometimes I get frustrated or sad enough during sex because I can tell that he is “trying” rather than “enjoying”, and he can tell something is wrong. I never bring it up right before/after or during sex on purpose. I’m a bit lost at this point; I’ve put in time trying to understand and think about it from different points of view, and I just don’t have ideas for a solution. I know the solution is talk to him about it, and we have, and will again. We are pretty much on the same page about the “facts of the case”, I just am hoping to get input from someone who has gone through something similar and found a solution. Or maybe sees something we don’t see because we are inside the situation. I know we may just be incompatible, and then I have to decide if it’s a dealbreaker. But for the moment he is on the same page as me about wanting to find a solution.",,10,[deleted],2020-11-30 20:11:23 RedPillWives,k3bojh,Advice on dealing with problem in-laws?,"My husband's family is.... tricky. Their social/political beliefs are wildly different from ours, they don't like me because of it, and they make it *known*. The trouble is, they're Southern, and they express their distaste in a way that's been too Southern for my East Coast socialization to pick up on. They are always objectively polite and friendly to me, so I've assumed that my discomfort is just a normal part of being around someone else's family and pushed through it, but in recently and especially since we got married in the spring, I've started to see that I'm not uncomfortable because I'm shy; I'm uncomfortable because of their palpable disgust towards me. I told my husband a few months ago that I feel like his family doesn't like me and he was surprised that I didn't already *know* that they didn't like me. Ouch. He's always made sure that I have to be around them as little as possible and limits his interactions with them as well, but we obviously do still have to keep in touch with the family on some level. His relationship with them has been strained since before I came into the picture and he insists that their problem with me is mainly a reflection of their problems with him. He's always done his best to serve as a buffer between me and his family and it's usually effective. Still.... I feel terrible about it. Thankfully we're skipping out on holidays this year, so I get to avoid being boxed in with them for the near future. I've still been feeling upset about having a whole group of people be so against me, and embarrassed that I've been trying to be friendly with these people who were never open to me. I can't keep resenting my husband's family, I can't keep venting about how much I hate my in-laws to my friends, and I can't keep avoiding them forever. It's especially hard when they say hurtful things to him and I have to find a way to be supportive instead of saying what I want to say, which is ""of course your family keeps saying wild, untrue and hurtful things to you unprovoked, they're crazy!!!"" Does anyone have advice for how to deal with this kind of weird tension? What could I be doing better? Are there any good books out there about how to deal with problem in-laws?",,13,gold-ee,2020-11-29 15:58:17 RedPillWives,k2nbhy,"Parenting, Motherhood, Pregnancy Mega-Thread - November 28, 2020","Hello Ladies: Feel free to post your advice, wisdom, or questions relating to all things babies!!! - RPWi's mod team",,4,AutoModerator,2020-11-28 13:04:24 RedPillWives,k26l7o,Snooped on my boyfriend’s phone - how to make it up to him,"Need some advice from you ladies... I’ve been dating a wonderful man for eight months. We live together and it’s been wonderful. He recently upgraded his phone and hasn’t gotten rid of the old one yet, but it still has WiFi. Recently he left to go visit family and left his old phone out in the open. We know each other‘s passcode so I was easily able to get in. I admit it was out of insecurity, past experiences, and plain old curiosity, but I decided to spend some time snooping through his phone. I did not find any indication that he was cheating or anything of the like, just locker room type banter with his guy friends and talk about strippers at a bachelor party (which I can get past). What I wasn’t super comfortable with was a text thread between him and a girl that all the guys tend to find super hot (as in, I found out he’s made jokes to other guys about how to obtain nudes from her. Again, I can get past this.) He took on the role of support with her as she was going through a recent break up and said something along the lines of “ it’s easy to see why men fall in love with you so easily.” I also found out that he had played basketball with her solo on two separate occasions and never said anything to me about it. I brought all this up to him and he immediately apologized with no defensiveness, so I forgave him. However the more we talked about it the angrier he got that I was snooping through his phone in the first place and then the conversation shift to his distrust with me. At this point I’ve already let go of the small offenses that I found in his phone. Although he still says he loves me and wants to work through this with me, he is still feeling hurt that I felt the need to go through his phone and invaded his privacy. He is still out of town right now which makes this even harder to discuss. He’ll be home on Sunday. How do I make this up to him? I’ve humbled myself and apologized, asked what he needs from me. He says just time. As insecure as it sounds, I’m terrified he’s going to end things with me over this. Hellllp.",,9,neonbutterkitten,2020-11-27 18:24:26 RedPillWives,jyae34,"SHIT POST SATURDAY - November 21, 2020","Hello Ladies: Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. Have fun and let's all laugh together! - RPWi's mod team",,4,AutoModerator,2020-11-21 13:04:24 RedPillWives,jy1elz,Did any of you become a housewife or SAHM because of the pandemic?,"As horrible as this current pandemic is, I also believe it is a chance for many women to reevaluate the idea of being a housewife or SAHM. I'm not just talking about having to quit your job, I think the time we had/have to spend home together with our families is a great chance to see what really matters in life. A friend of mine recently decided to become a full-time housewife and she has been quite happy with her decision so far. Are there any other women here who had to or wanted to make the same decision? How well is it progressing so far and do you enjoy it? Do you plan on going back to work one day? I hope all of you stay well and healthy, God bless you!",,19,[deleted],2020-11-21 00:53:11 RedPillWives,jx1lx9,Coping with stress,"Hey :) Long story short - I am feeling incredibly stressed out and I need help coping. Longer story- my husband is the manager of a warehouse where there have been 2 positive covid people and 2 more with symptoms. He hasn’t had an symptoms and has tested negative so far (getting tested again today). However I have been sick (doesn’t seem like covid, but I can’t work until I test negative). He was in close enough contact that the chances are high that he would have caught it. Husband is working longer hours and is very stressed out because they were already short people and now they have 4 people gone (it’s a small place so there are like 3 people there doing the job of like 8 people). I’m stuck in the house with 4 kids who are bouncing off the walls. Neither one of us has any energy for anything at all - even supporting the other person. I know it’s pretty much survival mode for the next week or so - I just dont want to eat my stress. We can’t have any babysitters or anything like that to help us out. I’d love some input on coping with stress from an outsiders point of view. Thanks.",,6,anothergoodbook,2020-11-19 12:12:14 RedPillWives,jwd8kw,Should this be a STFU moment ?,"Whenever my partner gives me feedback or tries to ask me to improve something, he always uses irony , like ‘oh sure ... your homework will do themselves ’ it really really annoys me and is really condescending I feel. I wish he would just say ‘babe I think you should do your homework?’ And I’ve raised it and asked him to not be so condescending and just tell me straight up, but it just makes things worse and we end up having a fight . Is this just a STFU moment as he is trying to help me improve on things and has good intentions? And I shouldn’t correct him .",,12,xun1,2020-11-18 10:09:59 RedPillWives,jv7d9c,"Struggling with roles (married 6 years, 1 kid)","I'm happy to find this community. I grew up with more of a ""modern"" family, both my parents worked and had equal responsibility in housework, speaking up, etc. I always wanted to be a housewife when I was young. I worked full-time until I had my baby, 4 months post partum I went to part-time. I currently still work part-time and at home with my daughter the rest of the time. We could afford myself quitting (which I consider all the time) but I do love making the extra money to spend on me and my daughter, and getting out of the house a couple days a week. My husband has always said he likes the traditional role of marriage but doesn't mind me working if I enjoy it. He still expects me to do the all of the household work (minus outdoor chores and dealing with the pets) and take care of our child. He works 40-50 hours a week and is working from home due to COVID. I love the idea of being a housewife but in the back of my mind I have doubts and think of people judging me for having the housewife ideals and being ""under my husband"" (my mother has brought up to me before how she doesn't like how I cater to him). I struggle with the time period when he is done with work and before our daughter goes to bed. I understand he wants to relax and un-wind after working all day , but I feel like he needs to do more because by the time he is done with work I am burnt out and ready to pass out. He will usually just watch TV/movies or play on his phone, we have had the conversation regarding his phone and that has improved but I still get soo annoyed. I feel like he hasn't seen his daughter all day because he was working doesn't he want to play with her and interact?! (mind you he does interact with our daughter and plays with her, but I feel like it needs to be more, a me issue) Also how do you guys find time to do it all?!! I need my workout time to un-wind. Somedays I will work out after dinner and my husband will be with our daughter, and somedays I wait until she goes to bed if I'm not passed out by then. Am I being too greedy?",,10,pinkmask4you,2020-11-16 14:11:13 RedPillWives,jue5pb,We need to talk about what to do when things go wrong,"I think it's great that women can talk here about how great their relationships are going and get advice on how to fix their relationships. But I think we also need to talk about what to do when things go wrong, like really wrong. It's true that people break up too easily these days but there are some relationships that are genuinely un-saveable, even with RPW principles, even if its only 1% of relationships. The truth is not every man is a Captain or can even become a Captain. And some Captains, through hardship, addiction, or mental illness become un-Captain-like. My mother knew a woman that married a strong, providing masculine husband and was a loyal SAHM for him. The husband was later arrested for sex crimes (not against her). His wife was more upset about his arrest than his crimes because he was the sole earner and she couldn't maintain her middle class lifestyle with him in prison. Even worse, some men can pretend to be Captains when dating long enough to pass vetting only to become very un-Captainlike during marriage. Psychopaths and con-men exist. Some serial killers were happily married for years and their arrest took their wives totally by surprise. These are extreme examples but they exist. And if we don't talk about it I think RPW loses credibility since RPW can't fix everything. So how can women give themselves ""insurance"" in case the unthinkable happens?",,35,[deleted],2020-11-15 02:14:28 RedPillWives,jto7f9,Would you marry a man that didn't make enough to support you?,I love my SO and I can see us together in marriage but he works in childcare which pays peanuts. I don't mind supporting us both but I'd like to get RPWives stance on it since marriages where women make more money than the man are more likely to end in divorce than vice versa.,,25,[deleted],2020-11-13 20:52:40 RedPillWives,jsgo4a,Husband won't live by his own standards,"**Edit:** Ladies thank you for your advice! I just wanted to clear up a few things: 1. I gave him a blow job, not hand job. 2. What I mean by doing all of the work, is literally being only in two positions where I do the work, and positions that I don't like that much anyway. They do also hurt him a bit, but he is willing to sacrifice that for his own pleasure. If my husband does not take the time to fully recover, it only prolongs how long he can't participate fully in sex. So, having sex like this will prolong how long I go without. 3. When I wrote this originally, I did not at all care if he masturbates. I was concerned with the hypocrisy. It felt like my husband was unwilling to live up to the rules he set for us, hence the title. We also did end up having a talk about this. He essentially agreed that it was unfair of him to break the rules he set. That he didn't want me to feel like I was prohibited from masturbating. But, that we would both try to do it less often. We would ask each other for sex before we did it (which he failed to do last time. I take pride in that I do not turn my husband down when he asks for intimacy and at least give him a blow job.) That said, I have additional concerns that I didn't voice. After last night, it seems like his habit has actually changed how pleasureful he finds sex to be. I'm not sure if I should just wait and see if this fades or bring it up. \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ *How old are you (and how old is your partner) and how familiar are you with RPW?* I am 29, my husband is 29, and I am very familiar with RPW. The authority balance in our relationship comes very naturally. *What is your relationship status?* I have been married for six years, dated for three before that. We live together and have a very active sex life. ***What is the problem? (Don’t badmouth your SO!)*** Weeks ago my husband caught me masturbating. We were long distance when we began, and we never discussed masturbation once we moved in together. So by ""caught"" I mean I thought I was acting appropriately and he did not. It was clear that it was a huge hit to his self-esteem and he was distraught. He said that he feels any masturbation takes away from the marriage. He admitted that he did sometimes, but felt guilty about it. I didn't agree with the principle, but I did agree not to masturbate. He also agreed not to masturbate. A few weeks of not masturbating was, I thought, really good. I went out of my way to buy sexy things and create sexy scenarios. We were having a really good, mutual time. We both have high sex drives so this was like 6-8 times per week. But then his chronic pain flared up a bit, and we took a few days of breather, just to help him recover. When we started back up, he expected me to do all of the work because he was still in some pain. That was a quick turn off, so I suggested we wait until he was fully recovered, but he didn't want to do that. I just finished him. He was acting different during, so I asked if he had been masturbating and he admitted that he had been, a few times. I was upset at the hypocrisy, not the act itself. Now I feel like I am in this weird position where I feel entitled to know what he's doing with himself and to take it personally--even though I don't actually care if he masturbates. I actually think our sex life could suffer if I start to masturbate again, but I can't stand the idea of abstaining when he won't. He says it's best that we should just do what we want to. I feel neglected and manipulated. Like my needs are secondary, I am supposed to abstain, and he won't put the effort in. And I'm not sure if it's fair to feel that way. *How have you contributed to the problem?* I honestly don't know. I feel like I did everything I could. I guess that's why I am reaching out for help. *How long has this been an issue?* Weeks. *What have you done to resolve this problem?* I feel like I have really put in an effort to see things his way, and act as we agreed to. I put in the effort to make our sex life more exciting, and the effort to control myself.",,26,FragrantHyd,2020-11-11 21:02:34 RedPillWives,jr1x3w,Avoiding Burnout?,"I’ve posted a ton here asking for advice on how to better myself. And now I need more help! My husbands biggest complaint over the years in my lack of tidiness. I have been working diligently on it since the quarantine started. It was a challenge then to balance cleaning with going back to work part time and homeschool the kids. And take care of myself. So the house is clean and my husband is happy with it. But I stepped on the scale today and I am up 4 pounds. And I’ve posted about my confidence and feeling sexy so that’s taking a massive hit today. I’ve lost 25. I need to lose 50 more. But it took me a full year to lose 25 pounds. I have to be incredibly intensive and intentional to lose weight. Every pound is hard fought for. But I don’t have the energy to make sure all the laundry is getting done, the kids are homeschooled (and I can’t leave them alone during the day because they are too young), clean the house, work part time which includes weekends, AND do what it takes to lose weight. I tried adding in the gym and I started to crash and burn. I caught myself before everything else started to slip (the laundry went 3 days without being done and I realized what I was doing - over extending myself). I have found I do not do well with workouts at home (yes I realize it sounds like making excuses , I just can’t focus on working out with a 4 year old screaming and begging for attention) I feel so frustrated. Its like I can be healthy and work on my weight and have a messy house (and a miserable relationship with my husband) or gain weight but have a clean house. I realize I’m putting myself into only two options, but at this point it’s all I can see and the proof (4 pounds gained) seems to point to that I can’t handle it all. I’d love to hire someone to help with the house, but I can’t afford it and my husband is very against it anyway. I just feel stuck and defeated. Any suggestions?",,15,anothergoodbook,2020-11-09 17:26:34 RedPillWives,jpqid6,"Simple Questions - November 07, 2020","Hello Ladies: Ask any question that doesn’t require its own post! Subreddit [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/wiki/rules) still apply but the range of acceptable subjects is wider. Anyone can ask, and anyone can answer! Be sure to check for new comments periodically :) - RPWi's mod team",,5,AutoModerator,2020-11-07 13:04:43 RedPillWives,jo8cc7,How do you tell your family you're traditional?,"Hi guys, I'm new here. 31 F Single with a bachelor's degree. This past summer I had the bright idea that I was going to make a name for myself by going to law school to become a lawyer and then buy my own condo and eventually get married and have a 2-income marriage blah blah. But within the past couple months I realized that isn't me - it was just a fantasy i created to meet the standards of my ultra-liberal, ultra academia, feminist family. My real dream is to become a wife and stay at home homeschooling mom and once I accepted this I threw my lawyer dream away and have been spending all my extra time cultivating femininity, homemaking, and mom skills. But today my Dad tried to start a conversation with me about speaking to his law school professor friend and studying for LSATs. I froze. I wanted to tell him I don't want to be a lawyer anymore, but I knew I couldn't tell him that without telling him the whole story, and I knew he wouldn't take it well. My dad is the stereotype of the counter culture hippie activist college student of the 60's who went on to perpetuate liberal propaganda by becoming a college professor in adulthood. My liberal conditioning came from him. Has anyone else had to deal with coming out as red pilled to their liberal family? How do you suggest I do it? I know my entire family will not take it well. EDIT: thanks for the responses. it's good to have support from like-minded women. hearing your words affirmed to me that given my goals and values, im on the right track. there were however responses that completely caught me by surprise. encouraging a 31 year old aspiring sahw/m to go into debt by going to law school when she's not passionate about it was not something I'd expect to see in a redpilled wives thread.",,33,[deleted],2020-11-05 00:17:17 RedPillWives,jmw2mu,"Hi mom's, is there any red pill to raise your children?",I'm looking for healthy ways to raise my children. I'm single and also healing from my past. I'd like to be a great mom someday. Any tips?,,5,[deleted],2020-11-02 21:00:14 RedPillWives,jm6lfj,Hello all. I’m in need of a mentor,"I have so much going on In my life that I’m having a difficult time functioning like a normal feminine woman/wife. I don’t have any older females that I can trust and so I’m wondering if anyone here would be so kind. I’m looking Preferably for an older (over 30) married woman who can help uplift me, motivate me, inspire me, and who can understand me.",,20,[deleted],2020-11-01 17:54:08 RedPillWives,jh8kko,"Parenting, Motherhood, Pregnancy Mega-Thread - October 24, 2020","Hello Ladies: Feel free to post your advice, wisdom, or questions relating to all things babies!!! - RPWi's mod team",,5,AutoModerator,2020-10-24 13:04:22 RedPillWives,jfw4d6,"One week, one goal","I wanted to make a suggestion for having a one week one goal check in. I was thinking I would set myself one thing in my relationship to improve on for a week, and then see what happens in a week. Would anyone else be up for that?",,18,HappilyMrs,2020-10-22 08:59:07 RedPillWives,jf8wu5,Stoicism,"Had anyone read or learned much about stoicism? I started reading yesterday and listening to podcasts, and I wondered if any of you have any recommendations? Thank you",,19,HappilyMrs,2020-10-21 08:18:35 RedPillWives,jetmlv,Make up & hair help,"I posted a few days ago about being sexier. I asked my husband what things would help. He said being more confident in my looks and my body. And one thing he’d like to see is me wearing make up more often/putting more effort into my appearance. I’m not a total makeup newbie. But I basically have to replenish my make up stores. I would like to see what tips and suggestions you’d offer. I’m busy and don’t have a lot of time/patience for doing make up. What are some essentials I should purchase and what are your “go-tos” for everyday? Also as for my hair. I have been keeping it shorter because my curls look best when it’s short. Any suggestions for cute things to do with my hair? It is far too short for a ponytail (I keep it short on purpose otherwise up into a ponytail it goes. At least with it short I’m forced to keep up on it looking nice).",,12,anothergoodbook,2020-10-20 16:59:10 RedPillWives,jelvzq,Managing anxiety,"Anyone else have problems with their anxiety? If so, how do you manage it in a healthy way? Mine is really bad at present, to the point where I am struggling to function and keep up with all my responsibilities in my household and relationships. And then failing at these things is making me more anxious. I think that diet and lack of exercise are big issues, I have a lot of weight to lose (and basically always have had). I use food as an escape from my anxiety, and it's not how I want to be. I have tried CBT, and though it helped a little at the time I can't seem to pause negative thoughts enough to make it work. I have been on meds for depression in the past, but not for a long time, as my doctor generally recommends CBT instead. I also am much worse during my period, where I will spend hours worrying about dying or my husband/son dying. As you can imagine, add in a global pandemic and this is far worse. I have a tendency to turn to wanting sex/flirting as a way of getting out of my own head, which would be fine but it puts way too much pressure on my husband to give me that even if he isn't in the mood. And I get very sulky when rejected, which I hate. I want to be a wife he can be proud of, one who has her sh*t together and isn't always an emotional train wreck. He needs and deserves that. Thanks ladies.",,8,HappilyMrs,2020-10-20 09:08:19 RedPillWives,jdqb8u,How to be sexier?,"Okay. My husband and I had a frank conversation about sex (and you can go back and read some of my posts about sex to get background). But a brief history: we dropped from 2-3 times a week sex to maybe twice a month if I really pushed for it. There were lots of extenuating issues that I can clarify, but I don’t think it is relative to this post. He said for the duration of our marriage (almost 15 years) I am more silly than sexy and anytime I try to be sexy it is really hot, but I ruin it by being funny/silly. This came out of a conversation regarding an ex bf of mine who treated me like shit. I was very shy and had “daddy issues” and when a guy showed me interest I latched on and ended up in a 5ish year relationship that was (for lack of a better word) toxic. He constantly told me that I couldn’t find any better. And while I broke free of that for the most part, I think I listened to him because deep down I believed it about myself. So fast forward to today and being flirty and sexy isn’t something I see myself as. Essentially the things I’m trying to overcome are: - I have this baggage where I just do not see myself as sexy. I’m short, fat, and look nothing like what I would consider sexy. - we’ve had issues with sex that reinforced everything I already believed about myself (see point #1). And putting myself out there just is the absolute last thing on my list of things I want to do As a side note - this issue is not the cause of our sex issues. And in fact I was getting more comfortable with my sexual self before the crap the fan and we stopped having sex.",,30,anothergoodbook,2020-10-18 23:01:02 RedPillWives,jcurl1,"SHIT POST SATURDAY - October 17, 2020","Hello Ladies: Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. Have fun and let's all laugh together! - RPWi's mod team",,7,AutoModerator,2020-10-17 13:04:29 RedPillWives,jcj7cs,Suggestions for setting up “surrendered wife” support group?,"RedPillWives, I come humbled and in awe at the strength and wisdom I see here. Something rare in many female circles but it’s refreshing to see theres another side to our feminine power and its this empowering energy that society has long put pressures on us to kill and conform. I am very early in my journey. I came to RPWives after my husband invited me to join RPWomen. I entered a vault. Down the rabbit hole and Alice has never been tricked by the mad hatter again you can say. I claimed my NATURAL feminine power back and its helped me restore the power dynamics in my marriage. I saw my husband’s invite “in” as an initiation and plea for help. He needed my support on this journey. The captain’s ship wasn’t going to sail alone to the destination he needed to get to. I saw all the potential in him from day 1 but lacked some skills and commitment myself. Enter Laura Doyle’s Book Surrendered Wife. He put it on my Kindle. He put it on my iphone. He put the book on my nightstand. He send the audio and I think even tried to induce a lucid dream where I may just “miraculously” hear Laura Doyle’s voice like an angel from the heavens, or the gods reaching out commanding the soul to pick up the book. Lol okay, we got the hint honey. So I’ve been doing the work myself and daily logging my journey. Im surrendering and relinquishing power and he’s stepping easier into his frame full SIGMA. Im taking it one day at a time. Managing myself not telling him how to BE. And its been a few months. Hard work! But now I am at a very difficult situation. Finding myself very isolated already and transitioning through this. Lockdown is not best time to make “new friends”. More limitations. So my question to you all is ... along the journey I am being approached by women of my own “tribe” asking for help and as an interpreter trying to pass Laura Doyle’s teachings how can I start a support group just for these women in my community? Understanding the full method, psychology behind it and insights from others who’ve also succeeded at it gives me an advantage but also a responsibility to ethically guide them towards The Surrendered Wife. I know there should be basic “rules” and would love to have all suggestions thrown in to best implement them and safeguard group. I respect Doyle’s approach and feel due to language barriers some minorities very rare small sheltered groups... those women suffer twice due to lack of information and education. Even having access to a book is RARE. :( So you have them willing and ready to dive into the book but with guidance. I need DOs & DONTs. Crucial things in terms of support that it’s lead according only to her methods. I am nobody. Its the book thats turned my life around. And thats the focus! Thank you all...",,14,babylonianprincess,2020-10-16 22:01:31 RedPillWives,jc8t0s,Resistance to RP ideas,"Does anyone else have some in-built resistance to this? I have lurked and minorly posted in these subs a while, but I feel like I am digging my heels in against it. I see a lot of RP behaviours/feelings in myself, but I also dislike the idea that my love is not the same as my husband's, or that branch swinging is inherent is women, or really anything that lumps women into a set of stereotypes. Yet when I think of the behaviours of women I know, I see so many examples of it. I even have resistance to the idea that men and women are that different. I know that I am most at peace when I know that he is calm and in control. I am at peace when I know my feelings will be met with comfort and I will be brought back to centred by the fact that they don't draw him into my emotional chaos. I feel these things deeply, so why is it so hard for me to accept that, at the very least, much of this stuff makes sense for me. This is rambling and incoherent, no doubt, but I am struggling to express it. Thanks :)",,24,HappilyMrs,2020-10-16 12:21:40 RedPillWives,jcc7ou,His indifference is killing our marriage,"I've really tried to give everything I have to our marriage (35/f, 40m, kids). Married 15 years. I feel like white noise in the background most days. I've really started to work on taking ownership of the things that I've contributed to our issues but everything is one sided. Answers consist of ""I understand"" or ""I'll fix this"". Nothing comes of it, I'm not even sure what he means and I've asked. We've been trying to turn this ship around for 5 years and the kids keep me fighting to fix it but it's so disheartening when it feels like every attempt I make to add value to his life and cultivate his leadership is treated with indifference. He appears to careless either way. I have been of a rp mindset for years. He just doesn't seem to get it. Everything I read says to continue to work on myself but what do you do when all this work is unveiling even more holes in the relationship and highlighting that the harder I work the less he seems to appreciate it? My struggle is that I feel he just doesn't want the captain job and who wants to be on a ship where the captain doesn't want to steer the ship ? I feel like my options are limited other than to accept my fate because of the kids. Anyone been here before? What did you do? How did it turn out?",,8,CinderellainReverse,2020-10-16 15:46:18 RedPillWives,j9c5yg,Dealing with disappointment in marriage,"I am really struggling with feeling let down and disappointed by my husband. The thing is I can never tell if it's rational to feel this way or if my expectations are unreasonable. So then I feel a terrible mixture of disappointment/hurt and shame/guilt for feeling that way. Having expectations leads to these feelings and having NO expectations would be the solution but at one point does that become equivalent to not having standards for my marriage? Basics, he is 40 I am 38. Together 8 years. We have two kids, both boys, 6 and 12. Things I feel disappointed/hurt about: He never initiates any family time/outings. When I try to plan a walk/hike once a week he will make any excuse not to come or push it off. When it's obvious I am hurt (something I struggle with, my poker face sucks) He will eventually say ""Fine. I'll go. Stop being upset "" obviously this is not the outcome I want. Similarly with dates/vacations. He doesn't plan them or suggest them. It's always me. We usually have a good time but I frankly feel resentful that I never get the joy of a surprise. He frequently does not follow through on things he says he will do, whether it's around the house or financial. I try to STFU and eventually just do it myself when it becomes dire at which point he will leap up and take action. Which isn't my intention to guilt him into it, it just needs to be done. Sex. He rarely initiates. This has gotten progressively worse and we have a more or less deadbedroom. My attempts to hunt or seduce or just frankly ask are rebuffed most of the time. He says he feels pressure so I have backed off on this. Positives: -he works full time and makes good money,60k/yr he has great benefits. Side note:(I work full time as well, I make about 140k a year, I am sure this might bother him but I don't bring it up. He occasionally does in a self deprecating joking way to friends (""well she makes all the money haha she's the real breadwinner"" type of stuff) I mention this in case it may play into the whole dynamic. -he loves the kids. He helps a LOT with their schoolwork. He works from home right now and my mother is living with us helping out as well. - he still cracks me up, I still find him attractive. I enjoy the time we do spend together, I started playing video games with him and watching UFC fights/sports with him so we do spend time together. -we generally share the same political outlook and sense of humor. -when we are in a social situation he is very charismatic and great at ice breaking. I take a bit of time to warm up to new people because of some social anxiety and it makes it easier on me. Neutral: we both suck with housework/cooking. Me especially lately. My job has been horrendously busy/difficult lately and I have been working insane hours and am pretty burned out. But still. Neither of us are pulling out weight. My mom helps out here ...but it's a point of shame for me. I took vacation this week solely to try and get a system going and literally clean and declutter. Any insight or criticism is welcome. I feel confused a lot about what is a valid ""issue"" or not. I have expressed how I feel but when I do he gets really angry and defensive. I try to be diplomatic and not accusatory but... It doesn't make much difference.",,16,iwishiwasamermaid,2020-10-11 19:51:59 RedPillWives,j8xi91,When you feel like your partner is taking you for granted," Hi ladies , I am having doubts about my 2 year relationship recently. Background: My (31F) partner (27M) boyfriend live together along with his best friend and best friends girlfriend. We have been going out for 2 years , broken up twice because he wasn’t sure about me .. and now we are in an ok place. I say ok because he is making more of an effort than ever before , however I can’t seem to let go of the resentment of the past two years. I want him to go above and beyond than what he has already done. This makes me short tempered and unnecessarily emotional - I have a therapist however I don’t know if it is helping. Problem: he constantly criticizes me on everything , this is not new but I guess more often nowadays. From washing the dishes to cooking to laundry to my weight (I’ve gained a little iso weight but is by no means fat) I feel like I’m not relaxed around him. Another thing is that I am constantly being pushed down on the priorities list , behind work , his friends , his sport, him going out with his friends , I feel like he doesn’t really enjoy hanging out with me - only does it out of obligation. And even more recently , he has suggested having a threesome , and told me that he has the need to sleep with other women (but will never cheat on me). I have talked to him about spending quality time together , and yet his efforts never lasts for more than a week. And with the three some I told him I’m not comfortable - however now I just feel like I am disappointing him. I am 31 and want to get married. He says he sees me in his future and yet doesn’t want to get married until He is 35. I don’t know if I am being anxious over nothing , or this is a real problem. I am really wondering whether this person is the one.",,12,xun1,2020-10-11 02:39:00 RedPillWives,j8j887,STFU and emotions...,"My husband is happy for like the first time in a couple of years. But it’s over a promotion at work and that’s all he talks about and thinks about. I should be excited (and I have been), but almost every conversation revolves around work. I’ve been keeping my mouth shut and being supportive because I feel like the novelty will wear off. But it’s to where I have to offer information about my day (and it‘S been incredibly stressful and anxiety producing with sick kids, vehicles not working, etc). But his mind is on work. Then the icing on the cake is sex. Which we’ve struggled with. And we have like a script written out for how things go. We haven’t had sex in about 2 weeks. I’ve backed off and not initiated as much because he typically declines. But it’s been two weeks so I tried and got turned down (3 times *sigh*). But we also do this cycle and I’m trying to break the cycle. I get annoyed. We argue. And maybe have sex and then go back to not doing anything for 1-2 weeks. But I want to break the cycle. I hate the arguments around it. But I also hate the rejection (and my initial reaction is to retaliate so he can feel as bad as I feel). Ugh. So I’m keeping my mouth shut. But. All the anger, resentment, frustration, rejection is still there. How do you manage emotions while STFU? How do I not be a bitch doing the silent treatment and be feminine and graceful and kind? It is hard to not withdraw in other ways in the process. Like - no I don’t really want to kiss you goodbye. No, I don’t want to sit next to you and cuddle after being turned down for sex repeatedly...",,17,anothergoodbook,2020-10-10 11:56:58 RedPillWives,j7sn49,Laura Doyle teaching discussion,"So I’ve written in the past here how I have dived into all things Laura Doyle, from her books to her podcasts, and it has completely changed my relationship! To be honest I’m a bit in disbelief on how many changes have occurred. I wanted a place where we can talk about this, and men in general. It sometimes takes ALL that I have to shut up and not voice something I feel is a concern, or a helpful comment, or a suggestion, but after reading Laura Doyle’s work, I now understand the long term damage this was causing my relationship. Now a days I just go “My love I 100% support you,” or “ I trust you to make a good decision for us”, and my person literally stops what he’s doing, looks me in the eyes and says thank you. It is still hard work to decrease my criticism. Anyways I wanted to open up the platform to overall thoughts on her teachings, take aways, has it worked for you, has it not? Let’s discuss.",,31,Kind_Entertainment_6,2020-10-09 04:34:10 RedPillWives,j5i7ua,Lounge wear for winter,"Hi All! Hope everyone's week is off to a good start! I need to purge my closet of winter clothes that I wear at home. Right now they're basically either pizza clothes or fleecy pjs. Obviously that's far from fascinating. I did a similar purge during lockdown for spring/summer and got some pretty loungewear but its a lot easier to look cute when its 30c rather than 10c lol. Does anyone have any suggestions? My guys temperature is always higher than mine so simply turning up the heat isnt possible but I dont want to look like a burrito either. Thanks xox",,15,fairydust91,2020-10-05 12:09:01 RedPillWives,j5hdl8,Tracing the toxic history of feminism?,"Hello everyone! Recently, I have started writing antifeminist egalitarian answers on Quora and they are getting a lot of support! For my next answer, I am consolidating material regarding how feminism's history is littered with misandrist tendencies. Unfortunately, while I have a lot of idea about everything wrong with modern (or third wave) feminism, I am a bit clueless about its history. I would really appreciate if y'all pooled all the info you know about this topic as well as any sources (articles, videos etc) you can cite for further research? I am looking for- * Examples of notable misandrist feminists * Instances of feminists hindering progression of men's rights (or even women's rights!) * Notable modern day feminists who have expressed their misandrist ideologies I would appreciate it even more if the information is from the Indian point of view since my focus is more on that. Thanks a lot!",,8,Sambhavi_5,2020-10-05 11:02:15 RedPillWives,j53zpe,Some advice from a 1918 marriage guide,"So my boyfriend’s grandparents were cleaning out their basement recently, and turns out it was basically a museum of 200 year old Quaker stuff. Among various books, I found “Dr Parker’s New Marriage Guide” by Dr. Thomas C Parker, MD from 1918. As a disclaimer, some googling revealed this dude was also into eugenics, and I want to clarify I don’t mean this as a serious reading recommendation for RPW. It’s just a book related to dating and marriage that has some interesting, amusing, and hilarious-because-they-are-so-wrong bits that I think people here will get a kick out of. There is some decent advice but also some downright laughable advice. Oddly, some of the worst advice is the medical advice, and some of the best is just his musings. (After reading this I doubt his MD credentials.) Lots of his advice starts okay, but then he doesn’t stop when he’s ahead. The book starts with a lot of chapters about male and female anatomy and pregnancy (no sex ed back in the day), but also has a whole chapter about all the ways “self abuse” is bad for your health. According to him it drains energy and is a detriment to your physical and mental health. Sex is too, but it’s necessary for having children, so in moderation it’s okay. But the amount of sex an adult can handle before it hurts their health depends on their constitution. He says once or twice a month max. Some other advice on sex and childbearing: - You shouldn’t have more kids than you can financially handle (yep); therefore don’t sleep in the same bed because you won’t be able to help yourselves from having sex (nope): “Married people make a great mistake by allowing themselves to sleep together. This practice leads in a great measure to indulgences. Many men go to bed with their wives with the very best of intentions, but owing to the tempting conditions with which they are surrounded they indulge their feelings and passions. There is nothing that will so derange the nervous system as sexual excess; there is no more tempting condition than sleeping nightly without intermission with your wife. Again, it is not health-promoting.” - Avoiding undue sexual excitement is very important to him. Diet is a big component of this. Eating too late at night, pepper, mustard, other condiments, coffee and even strong tea, of course wine and liquor, too much meat, and overly seasoned food cause “undue development of the sexual feelings” in the long term and in the short term “fire up your blood”. - When a couple is ready to have a kid, he has figured out how to control the sex: “the right testicle in man, and the right ovary in woman furnish the germs for the male child, and act and re-act upon each other only. The same law applies to the left testicle and left ovary, they act in unison and furnish the germs for the female child. Moreover, the germs elaborated by the left testicle cannot impregnate the ovum of the right ovary and vice versa.” He says you could try to rubber band one testicle during sex, but imagines the pain would be too much for most men to compete sex. As far as choosing a good spouse: - He says that the hymen is, in fact, not an accurate indicator of virginity (hooray); but what is? “The most reliable signs of virginity are—first of all good parentage; secondly, a good mother’s training, care, advice; thirdly, frankness of disposition, healthfulness and youthfulness. But this is dangerous ground for the unprofessional to tread upon, and it is far the best to accept your lover as pure than to doubt in any case, as there are no outward signs that can be termed absolute” (overall not terrible). He also thinks the hymen exists to protect a young girls vagina from cold weather. - He says women shouldn’t get married too young, maybe wait until they’re around 24 (sounds alright); because if you get pregnant younger than 20 the baby’s growth will leech energy from your body and keep you from fully maturing and make your life expectancy decrease (nope): “for every year a woman marries inside of twenty, she takes on three years of premature age”. - He does talk about holding yourself to the same level of “value” that you hold your partner to; “in one word my advice is: be ye not unequally yoked together”. In his example, if you expect a virgin spouse, you yourself should remain a virgin (surprising equality there). - One “science based” reason virginity is important to him is that “young unmarried women who have had sexual connection with some man, either by consent or otherwise, have borne in subsequent marriage, children resembling the person with whom they first had intercourse.” (He does not expand on the “science” behind this one.) Some more serious advice: - On punishing children: “In correcting children both parents ought to be in the same mind in the child’s presence at least, if they disagree after.” - Looks will fade; find a substantial spouse: “The admiration of one single quality in a woman results in many marriages. A person sinking his imagination into the practical, well knows that a small soft hand, or a beautiful face, or a small waist, or graceful carriage, or good talking, will not in themselves indicate the true character of its possessors, and yet how many unions are formed through some one or other fancy; the result almost invariably being a sudden waking up to a realization of the fact that it takes other qualities other than a beautiful hand or face to constitute a happy married existence.” - He puts a lot of emphasis on finding a spouse you are compatible with as far as daily habits, religion, being introverted vs. extroverted. - After finding a compatible spouse, some adaptation will still be necessary: “Difference of opinion in men and women must exist so long as the world stands, but if mutual concessions could only be made from the first day of married life contentions could not exist if the parties were suited to each other. So let each man study his wife’s nature and adapt himself to it as much as he can. In no case can a loving wife bear neglect or unkindness from a husband. On the other hand let the wife also study her husband’s disposition and peculiarities, and adapt herself accordingly.” - Surrender and the man will want to take care of you. This passage is a little *too* submissive in my opinion, but this is the most RP passage I’ve come across so far. (Based on the chapter this is in, he is talking about sex, but not only about sex, he also means “disagreeable” chores, for example.): “First, to the reluctant wife! For you to yield is to conquer. By showing a desire to do all you can to oblige a beseeching husband, you throw yourself on his generosity, and thereby quell that desire which coldness and refusal would only aggravate. Your cheerful submission to what he knows to be disagreeable, at once excites his pity and gratitude, and thus awakens his higher faculties in your behalf, and subdues desire; because, how can he who dotes on you take pleasure in what occasions you pain? He takes your will for the deed, and loves you therefore too well to insist on so delicate a matter unless agreeable to you also, or to feast himself at your expense. Remember, you must always yield cheerfully, and with a view to please him, or else the whole effect will be lost. Never prove remiss, but do all you can to conform. Thereby you will lay your husband under the highest possible obligations of love and gratitude; whereas the unkind refusal begets increased importunity, and makes him insist on his rights, and threaten you with vengeance if you dare refuse. Abundant excuse, such as the most unreasonable demand on his part, and utter inability on yours, alone should warrant your refusal.”",,35,[deleted],2020-10-04 18:38:10 RedPillWives,j54bs5,What is the worst marriage advice you ever received?," [u/MissOrion24](https://www.reddit.com/user/MissOrion24/) posted a delightful trip through time, complete with some wretched marital advice. We can excuse these tips (to some degree) due to the year they were written, but what are some modern marriage tips you've gotten that are either a) objectively terrible or b) simply do not work in your own marriage and why?",,13,[deleted],2020-10-04 18:57:26 RedPillWives,j4gq3w,Fascinating Womanhood from RP perspective,"FW is much recommended reading. Has there been deeper analysis of FW from RP perspective, either here or in manosphere?",,7,Eosei,2020-10-03 15:17:32 RedPillWives,j4eodp,"Simple Questions - October 03, 2020","Hello Ladies: Ask any question that doesn’t require its own post! Subreddit [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/wiki/rules) still apply but the range of acceptable subjects is wider. Anyone can ask, and anyone can answer! Be sure to check for new comments periodically :) - RPWi's mod team",,7,AutoModerator,2020-10-03 13:04:22 RedPillWives,j1znsi,Solipsism?,"When Laura Doyle advices women on a date to remain quiet and not talk so much, is this a way to engage female solipsism? Quote from The Surrendered Single: ""Be quiet—let him do most of the talking—so that you can focus on how you feel and what you want.""",,9,Eosei,2020-09-29 13:55:40 RedPillWives,j16txs,How to get into feminine hobbies / crafts?,"Hi ladies, I really want to develop some typically feminine hobbies / crafts such as sewing/knitting or diy stuff around the house but I have literally 0 experience on this kind of stuff. I was always with my nose in my books and was never the creative type. For those of you that also started from scratch, how did you do it?! Do you have any YT channels / books / blogs to recommend? I'd love to start off with a scarf but I am also scared that I'll buy the material and make an absolute mess of it. Is knitting material expensive? How would you recommend I get into knitting or other crafts? Thanks :)",,8,fairydust91,2020-09-28 06:13:31 RedPillWives,j05obw,"Parenting, Motherhood, Pregnancy Mega-Thread - September 26, 2020","Hello Ladies: Feel free to post your advice, wisdom, or questions relating to all things babies!!! - RPWi's mod team",,5,AutoModerator,2020-09-26 13:04:26 RedPillWives,iyiu6i,"Welcome to All, Not Just the Wives!","Red Pill Wives (RPW) is a place for like-minded women to discuss sexual strategy from an anti-feminist, traditionalist, and/or evolutionary psychology perspective. We also explore related subjects such as culture, current events, science, history, and philosophy! **It's not just for the wives, though!** Our name simply speaks to the fact that this subreddit is the only Red Pill space *moderated* entirely by Red Pill Wives. In fact, we welcome all of those who are already married and **anyone who wishes for a Red Pill marriage.** We all need different things in life, at different times, be that nun-mode, singledom, dating, an optimistic LTR, or marriage. If you are in any of these stages, with the ultimate goal of a healthy marriage, we are happy to have you in this space for women, by women.",,48,[deleted],2020-09-23 20:51:14 RedPillWives,iy6ajm,What is RedPillWives? How does it differ from RedPillWomen?,"I was asked by a couple of members here to pin a post explaining the difference between this sub and /r/RedPillWomen. In short - RedPillWomen is run by TRP men, RedPillWives is run by women. --- Up until a few years ago, the RedPillWomen sub was technically part of the TRP network, but with an active female mod team who wrote all of the content and made all of the rules. This worked fine while the men stayed in their own lane, and there was a thriving community led by married women. Eventually the TRP men started throwing their weight around - making posts and enforcing rules that went against the female imperative - so all of the original mods left en masse and created this place. RedPillWomen has since been run exclusively by TRP men and the two female mods they personally approve of. If a woman goes against their narrative, she is de-modded and banned. It is unmarried TRP men, not women, who have the final say on the direction of the sub. RedPillWives on the other hand has always been run by women, for women. It is a place for us to gather and discuss our relationships/marriages through a red pill lense without unnecessary male input and censorship. It is red pill, but in no way connected to the /r/TheRedPill subreddit or their mods. There are no male mods here, and any theory/advice is written from the female perspective and to help women pursue the kind of relationships that they want. We don't believe that a man, especially an unmarried TRP man, will ever be able to give the kind of advice that a married red pill woman can give from her own experience. **Do you need to be married in order to participate here?** No. As long as you are red pill, a woman, and see the value in marriage you are very welcome. **Are men allowed to participate?** If you must. If your advice is red pill and beneficial to a woman and her relationship then go ahead. Incels, MGTOWs, MRAs and TRP-flavored men on a crusade against marriage will be banned on sight. Hope that clears it up a little, and we're happy to have you here!",,146,[deleted],2020-09-23 08:29:59 RedPillWives,ix9ru8,How to be a more joyful wife?,"My husband just started a very stressful new jump in his career as a professor and I'm a stay at home mother to our one year old child. I'm very much struggling to not be the stereotypical ""exhausted mom that just complains when her husband gets home"". I can tell it's wearing on him and his self esteem - he said last night that he can't imagine having more kids because he can't do much more to help me and it seems like I need more of his help. Looking after a baby is exhausting, but I feel like I'm failing as a wife to provide a sanctuary for my husband. I know that step one is I need to stop complaining to him throughout the day and immediately when he gets home and maybe save it for if he asks, but aside from that, can anyone offer any advice? Thanks!",,42,Fayve27,2020-09-21 21:26:46 RedPillWives,ixe4z0,What books are you reading ATM?,"I love adding to my reading list and would like to know what books you are reading, books you've loved, and books on your to read list! I've just started The Boy Crisis by Warren Farrell and John Gray, it was recommended to me so I thought I'd check it out. I'll report back when I'm done ☺️ One of my all time favourite books is Educated by Tara Westover. I read it before each semester. It makes me thankful that I have the opportunity to go to school. On my to read list is Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier (since the movie is coming out soon and looks fantastic!), and Sapiens by Yuval Harari.",,8,S-Soda1,2020-09-22 01:43:24 RedPillWives,iww1iz,Which partner/husband is he out of a group of men?,"I discovered TRP because I wanted to be a better woman for my man. I may not have vetted him the traditional RP way but somehow I got lucky in that he was raised in a traditional home and very much understands gender roles. This is one little thought that keeps me going in my journey to submitting and essentially catering to him. If my fiance and his friends or colleagues were discussing their partners, which guy is he? Is he the guy that gets to brag about how awesome he gets treated at home? Is he the guy that the others are secretly jealous of? Is he the guy that gets his healthy, tasty lunch lovingly packed by his cute wife who genuinely thinks of him? Is he the guy that goes home and tells his wife how awesome his colleagues think she is? Or is he the guy left to fend for himself, with a woman too engrossed in her own wants, her own responsibilities, to take proper care of her man? Is he the guy that is jealous of the first guy? Is he the guy that secretly wishes his wife was more like the first wife? Is he the guy that's left feeling like hes getting the short end of the stick?! Ouch, right?!?! I know which one I want him to be and this literally keeps me going on a daily basis. No excuses ladies!!",,29,fairydust91,2020-09-21 07:50:50 RedPillWives,iwvn6e,"The Wall, by Barney Stinson","Okay so this is not by Barney Stinson, but it is inspired by him. I am currently watching How I Met Your Mother and think its really interesting for someone familiar with TRP. I noticed that he'll walk up to an attractive woman and once she tells him she's 30 or older, he literally turns on his heel and leaves, without saying a single word. 😅 I think this is super interesting. I imagine the reason for this is that she's already hit the wall in his head. But the thing is, he already found her attractive. So it's not necessarily a physical wall they've hit. So why does he not want to sleep with them (because lets face it, that's all he wanted?) despite the fact that he's clearly attracted to her? Disclaimer: Now, I am not denying that The Wall is 99% physical. I get that and I can see it in the mirror as I wave goodbye to my 20s. However, I do think there are other tell tale signs that you've hit The Wall, that are not related to your physical appearance. This may have been covered extensively elsewhere on this sub, so please do let me know - my intention is not to reinvent the wheel here. I think the following can indicate you've hit The Wall psychologically: - Jaded: Do you automatically assume the worst of everyone? If you get approached by the likes of Barney, is your immediate reaction a horrible scowl and some angry words? I am not advocating for being a plate, but can you at least respond with warmth and a sense of humour? Or is your response automatically ""ew, get away.""? - Prude: Are you so concerned about being a lady in the streets that your aura/vibe and general demeanour is that of a stern librarian rather than a fun - loving Goddess of Fun day in and day out? Were you ""freakier"" in the bedroom when you were younger!? - The Plan / Time line? Are you so fixated on your Timeline and Perfect Plan for your life, that you forget to stop and smell the roses and *live* your life? - Responsibilities: Are you so engrossed by Getting Shit Done that you forget to just *chill* every now and then and pamper yourself? When was the last time you took a full DAY to pamper yourself? Once a month I declare a Pamper Saturday and get my hair cut & dyed, do my nails/toes, do my brows, face mask, and will spend the whole day with a thick layer of whatever moisturiser I am using. I work out on this day. I might bake brownies on this day. I wear lingerie and have sex on this day. Obviously I do these things throughout the month as well but setting aside a selfish 'me' day once a month means that once a month I fully recharge my feminine energy and enjoy a full day of doing fun feminine things. I think it is largely to do with your mentality as well, not just your appearance. I also think a woman hits the wall when she no longer has that trusting naivety that comes with being inexperienced with dating. What do you think? Is The Wall purely physical? What other non-physical characteristics indicate someone has hit The Wall?",,24,fairydust91,2020-09-21 07:18:04 RedPillWives,iw4c86,Date night ideas for when you can't/don't want to go out!,"I think a lot of folks are in areas where you aren't allowed to go to a cafe or restaurant or bar yet - or if you can, you might not feel comfortable doing so! We've been under quite a restrictive lockdown for a few months, so I thought I'd share some suggestions of what we've done to keep the 'date feeling' alive - even if they were at home! Most of my suggestions involve alcohol, candles, and dressing up - all of which I think really help the magic. \- When we're in 'date mode', there are things we don't talk about. No budgeting, home maintenance discussion, no 'what will we do with mother-in-law at christmas time', no talking about the kids (from a friend's own rules). Think back to when you first dated your partner - were you talking about the plumbing that needed fixing or their rent schedule? No. Hobbies, work, media you've been consuming, all of those are good topics - but keep away from the boring, humdrum life stuff that you do day in, day out. \- Candles are magic, if you don't use them most of the time. We lit candles, put the nice linens out, and used the [My Bar](https://makemeacocktail.com/mybar/) feature of this website (also an app) to give ourselves a menu of cocktails we could make at home from our existing pantry. We ended up drinking [Yellow Birds](https://stevethebartender.com.au/yellow-bird-rum-cocktail-recipe/) (spoiler alert: new favourite) and giggling by candlelight then 'going home together'. \- Pack or buy a coffee (we're from the coffee capital of my country so even in the deepest lockdown, cafes were still allowed to do takeaway coffee) and sit in the garden, or a park if you're allowed to, and chat. \- Pick a gourmet recipe you've been wanting to try and go all out. For several days, I planned a gourmet grilled cheese date - following recipes from /r/grilledcheese and choosing a drink pairing and explaining it to my date. It was fun to try something different, but still felt special! \- Takeout! A lot of fancy places (in my area at least) are doing really amazing take-out at the moment - cheaper than it would be to go there and buy drinks. If you can, splurge on something really nice and make a date of it. Dress up, light the candles, pour the wine (easier to BYO at home!) and pay attention to each other. \- Make sure you dress up! You don't need to go all out, but being clean and smelling nice and wearing a dress/a little makeup/jewellery really helps elevate the mood and draw a line between 'date night' and 'regular life'. What are you ladies doing to keep the \~\~date vibes\~\~ going at home?",,23,teaandtalk,2020-09-20 00:56:37 RedPillWives,iw2dx3,Country music got me down,"Hello my wise and wonderful ladies, I'm once again coming to you for advice. I'm 35, fairly familiar with RPW, been with my husband for 10 years, married for 8. I was listening to country music while I made dinner tonight. I usually find it kind of happy and energizing. But tonight I started feeling a little nostalgic and sad. In general I'd say we have a great relationship. I mean, covid and young kids are stressful and he's been working from home since March and I know that's hard on him. But I just found myself missing our early days of dating. I miss knowing he thought I was beautiful. I miss romance. I know the lines in songs are just lines and not necessarily real life. But I was thinking, ""I don't think he feels this way about me"". I know he loves me. I know he's committed to this life we've built together. I should be grateful for that, right? He doesn't need to proclaim it or show me with grand gestures. Why am I feeling the need for these things? I could do more to inspire compliments. The baby is almost six months old and I'm a good 10/15 pounds from pre baby. 20 pounds from where I was when we got married. I could take better care of myself but it's hard to find the time. Help?",,10,somedayimight,2020-09-19 22:46:41 RedPillWives,ivs6mq,"SHIT POST SATURDAY - September 19, 2020","Hello Ladies: Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. Have fun and let's all laugh together! - RPWi's mod team",,6,AutoModerator,2020-09-19 13:04:19 RedPillWives,ivol82,Intro thread!,"It's been a while since we've done one of these, let's get to know each other! Tell us a bit about you, your relationship (or lack of) and what you get up to in the real world <3",,8,[deleted],2020-09-19 08:14:43 RedPillWives,ivdmqb,Banned from RedPillWomen for disagreeing with TRP,"Anyone else? 😅 https://www.ceddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/iudeid/new_rule_leave_him_is_never_the_1st_option my last comment to /u/CrazyHorseInvincible before he banned me: >There was a time when RPW had a thriving team of active mods who wrote prolifically, and not surprisingly, they all left when TRP started throwing their weight around. The women who ""get it"" don't appreciate being muzzled by you guys. >Go back to before the split and look at how much content was bring produced. It's like night and day. But I guess we aren't allowed to talk about that either? >This has nothing to do with men wanting contribute more than women do. If you try to enforce a style of RPW that doesn't work for women, the smart women are going to peace out. Imagine if a group of women tried telling the guys at TRP how they should go about spinning plates and censoring their thoughts on it. Do you think many of them would stick around to contribute? >You guys wanting so much control over this sub has ruined it. It worked just fine before you started trying to force the direction, and you've ended up with exactly what you asked for. A bunch of women who just want to consume the theory with zero drive and ability to generate it.",,46,[deleted],2020-09-18 20:13:16 RedPillWives,itw664,"Is it possible to talk here about feelings about TRP, and what it implies philosophically?","I don't mean to debate the core principles, but rather dig deeper in a heartfelt, honest manner. Human nature, love, differences between men and women and all that. I have this deep sadness about men and women not ever really being able to meet and would like to talk about it. The sorrow surfaces every now and then. I don't know if anyone else cares or is up for it, I suppose it's not a very practical topic, so I'll just wait for responses before opening up more. Or maybe it's been done so many times and I just haven't stumbled upon it. If there are any relevant sources, please do share.",,15,Eosei,2020-09-16 14:05:35 RedPillWives,iq7qxk,Permanent link to the Tea Room discord group,"There have been some issues with invite links to the discord I set up some time ago. I wanted to create a new post with the permanent link for new people or people struggling to join to see. I will also update the old post with this link. Sorry to anyone who has had an issue! [https://discord.gg/STf3Ftp](https://discord.gg/STf3Ftp) Edit: so sorry! Fixed it!",,20,cloudlilies,2020-09-10 17:19:50 RedPillWives,ipzj65,Dealing with negativity from closed ones?,"Hey ladies! I am a young RPW (I'm only 18) and have only recently gained the confidence to express my views regarding the kind of life I want to the people around me instead of simply agreeing with them. It feels SO much liberating knowing that I am not pretending to be some politically correct, feminist SJW just to avoid confrontations. Unfortunately, this is attracting SERIOUS backlash from my best friend and my mom, both of whom are hardcore feminists. My parents, especially my mom, have had a lot of ambition for me, they want me to be have a successful career but honestly I'd rather be a stay-at-home wife and mom once I am done with a basic level of education (college). I have always got good grades so I guess it is understandable that they expected so much from me. My best friend, too, is quite upset that I would rather be a 'weak willed SAHW/M"" than 'have a purpose in life'. I get constant taunts and mocking from both of them, especially my mother. She tries to prevent me from pursuing my hobbies of cooking, learning embroidery etc in hopes of pushing me towards 'a more ambitious way of life'. All of this is really upsetting to me and I feel quite lonely sometimes because I have zero friends who would support my decisions instead of judging me. I would be really grateful if you could tell me how to cope up with this negativity and not let it affect me too much? P. S. I do have a boyfriend whom I THINK I will marry. However, I am not completely closing off the option of a career JUST in case I do need to work. I am attending college like usual and if I do not marry after college, I will definitely be taking up a job. My mother and best friend's reactions are to the fact that whenever I end up marrying, I would wanna be a homemaker.",,11,Sambhavi_5,2020-09-10 08:40:25 RedPillWives,iph9xa,I'm feeling a sort of (very gradually) growing resentment in my 5 yr relationship and I want to quash it before I do anything drastic. Approaching 30.,"How old are you (and how old is your partner) and how familiar are you with RPW? I am 29 (and my partner will be 30 soon) and I found redpill when I started this relationship. I credit redpill to helping me become a better person and letting myself lean into my femininity, and I'm sure it's part of why my boyfriend decided to commit to me. He is definitely a catch - I think when I first started posting for advice, one of the mods cautioned I was close to being Alpha Widowed. Well, five+ years later, we are definitely committed. What is your relationship status? Official ""bf/gf"" for 5 years, exclusive for 5.5 years, dating for 6. When we got together, we had some trouble because I was very insecure about all of the girls who liked him. He honestly bent over backwards to make me feel comfortable, and now it's very rare for him to flirt/talk to other women. As an FYI, we do not live together. We both don't want to live together until we get engaged, but lately I've been a bit more open to the idea. But the point is, because we don't live together, I often don't know what his friend group is up to, and find out things via his other friends' girlfriends (who live with their boyfriends). What is the problem? (Don’t badmouth your SO!) Over the past couple of years I've been growing a little insecure because I feel like I'm not included in his life as much. I've noticed I'm not being invited out with his friends as much, his parents have only met me once (his relationship with them is weird), and he was previously slow to talk to me about a confirmed proposal timeline (he has since promised it will be in the next two years, and I trust him on that). Pretty much everytime I have ever felt uncomfortable he has assured me that he loves me and that I'm his favorite person in the world, so I'm not sure why I can't just be grateful for having an amazing boyfriend and not care about things. Recently I've gotten to know his friends' girlfriends a bit better, and I've gotten a glimpse into who he hangs out with when I'm not there. A couple of months ago I was really upset because one Saturday, he said he was just going to be hanging out with his guy friends. A week later I found out (via one of his friend's girlfriends) that he actually went to a bbq, with not only his guy friends but also their gfs. When I asked my bf about it after I found out, he said he thought it was a guy's only thing and was surprised to see girls there, but didn't think I'd want to bother coming. The thing is he's right - had he told me about the bbq last minute, I probably wouldn't have come because I was doing something else. But I just feel weird that he didn't really tell me about it or at least mention it - especially because when I asked him what he had been doing all day with his guys' friends (before I knew about the bbq), he said he and his buddy were just hanging out and drinking beers. He didn't lie - but I'm still upset by it. Similar instances have happened since then where he says he's just hanging out with the guys but I find out later via someone else that all of the girlfriends were there, too. I'm not being excluded to every little hangout - there are times where he will invite me to things, but usually last minute, and I often decline because I'm either doing something else or would rather not show up after everyone is already drunk. If it's something in advance, he assumes it's a guys' thing, but might text me around 10pm and tell me some of the gfs are there. The thing is, I'm starting to doubt how many of the ""guys' nights"" he's been to in the last few years have truly been guys' nights, or if the girlfriends were supposed to be included. So anyway, I guess I'm both upset that sometimes I don't get the memo that gfs are included, and sometimes I do get the memo and he invites me, but I resent how late the invite is coming. I feel like I'm missing out on the important part of the night - the part where people are making toasts to their recent achievements, catching up about life, or talking - and I'm invited to the part where people are taking their 4th shot of whiskey and thinking of going home soon. Sometimes when he goes somewhere I turn into a nagger who asks ""oh are the girlfriend's included?"" or something but it's gotten to the point where if I don't ask, I can't trust I got the full picture. But also why should I care about getting the full picture? I really wish I didn't. There's nothing bad happening. There are very rarely ever any single girls - just girlfriends. I'm sure he probably wants to spend time with his friends without me. But I still get so upset when I find out that one of the ""guys"" hangouts actually included gfs, and I didn't even know about it much less get invited. Plus, and I know this is really just a ""me"" problem, it's kind of embarrassing when one of the girlfriends asks where I was and I basically have no idea what they are referring to. When I refrain from asking questions on guys' nights but then hear later that it wasn't a guys' only thing, I get really upset and confront my boyfriend, who then gets mad at me for ruining his night by arguing with him about something that doesn't matter. In almost every instance, he says that it was supposed to be a guys' night, but one of the guys ruined it by bringing their girlfriend, and then the other guys then invited their gfs. I believe him. But I just feel left out when I'm also not invited. And ultimately he's right - it really doesn't - or at least shouldn't - matter. I usually have plenty of other things I could be doing, anyway. I know he's not cheating on me. He makes time for me during the week. He encourages me to be a better person. He buys me SO MUCH STUFF. He takes care of me whenever I spend the night at his house. How have you contributed to the problem? I ask too may questions and I confront him at probably the worst times about it. It's definitely affected my mood and trust in him. I'm scared I'm not the ""goddess of fun and light"" anymore, which is probably worsening the problem. Why would he want to invite me somewhere if he knows that, once I start talking to other people, I'll find out about some other event that he didn't invite me to and get upset? It's a vicious circle. But I also can't hide very well when I get upset about something. I just wish it didn't upset me so much and that I could just not care about what he does with his friends. How long has this been an issue? I mean I thought it was an issue mostly the past year I guess but sometimes I wonder if perhaps there were more times in the past 2-3 years. We used to hang out everyday and/or I used to always be invited to things with his friends, and that has definitely dwindled. What have you done to resolve this problem? I've tried to refrain from asking questions. When he does invite me out, I try to look really nice and get along with his friends. I think his friends all like me - they tell me I'm always welcome over (one of them lives near me). All of their girlfriends seem to like me and have now started texted me when everyone is hanging out and I'm not there. But my boyfriend has not responded well to this - he would prefer to be in control of what information reaches me. I've also tried to keep myself busy - I think this is why it's taken over a year for me to feel really upset about the problem, though. I can definitely keep myself preoccupied, but lately I have these intense feelings of just...anger when I find out - not through him - that everyone is hanging out. I've considered breaking up with him!! But what good will that do? I'm about to be 30 and, especially now during covid but also somewhat before, interact with 0 guys. I really don't think I could meet someone else that I like. Then on some days the feeling passes and I'm grateful for what I have. I just don't know what to do. I start to feel really unhappy and like I have no self respect. I've tried talking to him, but unfortunately a lot of these ""talks"" happen after I've just gotten information and I'm upset. He has promised to try to be as transparent as possible or to at least invite me if he can (even if I might not actually take him up on the invitation), but he hasn't been very good at this. Then I actually get more mad when something happens again because I feel like...he knows I want him to be transparent, why did he forget again? He always says ""well I was only there for a few minutes and didn't have time to text you"" but I know that's not true. I feel betrayed. But at the same time, it's not like he's betraying me over something major like cheating. If married or in a committed, monogamous relationship: Monogamous with plans to be engaged in two years. How long have you been together? 5-6 yrs Is your relationship long-distance? No Do you have an active bedroom life? We used to but it got pretty bad about two years ago. I gently tried to bring it up but he has been really stressed with work. I didn't want to add more stress on him so I just try to be available for him whenever he is in the mood - maybe once or twice a month? Recently we had a really nice time, so maybe things are improving in this department. EDIT: Thanks for all of the advice! The questions asking him what's going on are definitely going to stop, and I'm going to think on whether I'm breaking up now or if I'd be ok with a marriage that looks like this. It's hard to envision though, because, as one user pointed out, potentially I wouldn't feel excluded by the mere fact of living together/being married.",,25,nouvelle_rouge,2020-09-09 14:48:56 RedPillWives,in0rq9,"Simple Questions - September 05, 2020","Hello Ladies: Ask any question that doesn’t require its own post! Subreddit [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/wiki/rules) still apply but the range of acceptable subjects is wider. Anyone can ask, and anyone can answer! Be sure to check for new comments periodically :) - RPWi's mod team",,5,AutoModerator,2020-09-05 13:04:31 RedPillWives,ik8iol,You’re Not Beautiful or ugly,,https://youtu.be/6uDIPaNpr7Q,7,jay_da_meme_boi,2020-08-31 22:51:16 RedPillWives,iei2jf,"Parenting, Motherhood, Pregnancy Mega-Thread - August 22, 2020","Hello Ladies: Feel free to post your advice, wisdom, or questions relating to all things babies!!! - RPWi's mod team",,6,AutoModerator,2020-08-22 13:04:32 RedPillWives,ia6zz1,"SHIT POST SATURDAY - August 15, 2020","Hello Ladies: Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. Have fun and let's all laugh together! - RPWi's mod team",,4,AutoModerator,2020-08-15 13:04:39 RedPillWives,i4ikj8,How to go from the breadwinner to not working at all?,"For the last decade I made about 3x what my husband made while working in the medical field. Before meeting him I was diagnosed with Ehlers Danlos (a genetic connective tissue disease) and Dysautonomia (dysfunction of the autonomic nervous system). Both were managed fairly well, but all of those crazy work hours and all that crazy call at the hospital wore me down in my early thirties leaving me no choice but to quit. I feel it’s my fault for not slowing down more in my twenties and that is my fault for having a hard time saying no when I was younger. It’s at a point where I never know if I’m going to have a good health day or a bad one. Sometimes it starts out good and then on the middle of the day I’m curled up on the couch. It’s a huge grieving stage that I’m in. My husbands business has been taking off and he is very supportive about me not working, but I think the issue is after being crazy busy for so many years I’m not okay with this and have always took pride in myself on being independent. We don’t have kids after three miscarriages over the years (I’ve made peace with motherhood not being in my future), but with that being said I feel useless. I’m not saying anyone in my position is useless; I’m just saying I feel useless. Has anyone gone through something similar and do you have any advice? Thank you guys in advance!",,30,[deleted],2020-08-06 01:38:02 RedPillWives,i1rwja,"Simple Questions - August 01, 2020","Hello Ladies: Ask any question that doesn’t require its own post! Subreddit [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/wiki/rules) still apply but the range of acceptable subjects is wider. Anyone can ask, and anyone can answer! Be sure to check for new comments periodically :) - RPWi's mod team",,6,AutoModerator,2020-08-01 13:05:33 RedPillWives,hxmdzh,"Parenting, Motherhood, Pregnancy Mega-Thread - July 25, 2020","Hello Ladies: Feel free to post your advice, wisdom, or questions relating to all things babies!!! - RPWi's mod team",,2,AutoModerator,2020-07-25 13:04:32 RedPillWives,hwp1l1,I FINALLY get to be a Housewife!,"My husband and I have been together for 10 years (since we were 19 years old) we have both worked throughout that time and I completed a college degree. We have had 3 children (ages 8, 5 and 7 months) Today he came home from a work meeting and told me he got the promotion that would let me quit working. I am so excited! Ever since we had our 5 year old I have been begging to stay at home but we just couldn't afford to live on only one income (or he thought we couldn't) Other than just coming here to shsre my excitement I'm here for a little advice. What are some of your favorite homemaking resources/guides? I never got to figure out how to be an adult before I was forced to be one. I've always struggled to stick with keeping my house clean and tidy and cooking 2-3 meals day.",,126,kmfry333,2020-07-23 21:58:49 RedPillWives,htgaa3,"SHIT POST SATURDAY - July 18, 2020","Hello Ladies: Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. Have fun and let's all laugh together! - RPWi's mod team",,7,AutoModerator,2020-07-18 13:04:28 RedPillWives,hq0cxf,Getting annoyed with husband?,"Hi. What are some good strategies when you are feeling annoyed at your husband for things that he does? How to deal with these feelings while still showing him respect/ not being rude/ still being feminine? &#x200B; I've been married 13 years and am 35 and we have 4 kids. Quite familiar with RPW. I find myself getting irritated at my husband for immature behavior, things that embarrass me, or just when he does things that annoy me. Overall, we have a good marriage. I really want to show him respect at all times, but it's so hard sometimes. I've tried removing myself from the room, deep breathing, reminding myself of what I'm grateful for. It helps sometimes but I was wondering if anyone else here tried things that work.",,10,lexivip,2020-07-12 19:28:20 RedPillWives,hpi6d7,Do redpilled men look for childlike faces and childbearing hips in women?,"Hey loves, I'm 21 years old and I have been investing some time in figuring out what my future husband would want in me. I have asked around and from the data they allowed me to conclude that they are looking for fresh and youthful faces which translates to me into a more childlike woman and after asking this to my dad who is very conservative himself he agreed that he married my mom because she had this cute dimples face and a sweet personality. And from recent trends on instagram where the most sought after women tend to have wide hips and the fact that men look for fertile women I came to the conclusion that childbearing hips are what they are looking for. I've been making effort into coming off more nymphet like and I immediately noticed that guys started paying more attention to me, without me even needing to wear anything revealing. But I'm kind of worried I might be attracting the wrong attention if I only focus on those aspects so how could I improve myself to appeal my future husband? I have been praying more too and been feeling a strong connection with God, it has certainly helped me with the squats. Love you all",,21,eMotionaldYnamite,2020-07-11 21:31:03 RedPillWives,hm9xvh,Women don't love men like men love women?,"So I was reading elsewhere discussions about how women love men because we love the things we receive (protection, admiration, resources), whereas men love the act of giving and sacrificing for us. Women love our children in the same ways men love us. What do you think? Do you feel your love is different to your husband's love? Or do you feel that it is more down to individual variation, as per the Five Love Languages? A survey done by Hinge showed that both men and women were most likely to have Quality Time as their highest by far, followed by Physical Touch/Words Of Affirmation for men, and Words of Affirmation for women. But a woman selecting Acts Of Service as their love language got 6.6 times as many likes, whereas men who listed Quality Time got twice as many likes. So how different do you think we are? How do you address the difference, if you believe it exists?",,41,HappilyMrs,2020-07-06 15:40:53 RedPillWives,hm9ona,Communities,"Are you active in your local community? Do you feel it's important to be part of your local community? Do you think people were previously more active in ways that supported their happiness, or do you feel it was based on social pressure and not really enjoyed?",,7,HappilyMrs,2020-07-06 15:26:55 RedPillWives,hl2zyf,"Simple Questions - July 04, 2020","Hello Ladies: Ask any question that doesn’t require its own post! Subreddit [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/wiki/rules) still apply but the range of acceptable subjects is wider. Anyone can ask, and anyone can answer! Be sure to check for new comments periodically :) - RPWi's mod team",,1,AutoModerator,2020-07-04 13:04:31 RedPillWives,hjy7xf,"Maximising SMV- generic, or to his tastes?","Bit of a fantasy post for me as my journey is going to be long! When looking to self-improve, do you prioritise what your husband likes, or what is conventionally attractive so that you generally have a higher SMV? If he loves short hair rather than long, colours rather than conventional hair, tattoos rather than none, alternative/rock/goth styling vs modest/classic/relaxed? BMI at higher end of normal rather than the middle? How have you balanced this? Thank you, hope you're all well",,8,HappilyMrs,2020-07-02 14:40:19 RedPillWives,hio0t3,Nice article about a UK trad wife,"https://www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/11991078/quit-job-partners-dinner-table-home-work/amp/ Her house looks lovely :) I identify a lot with her stance that freedom of choice should mean freedom to be a housewife too",,24,HappilyMrs,2020-06-30 14:08:18 RedPillWives,hhup26,How to rekindle the sexual energy,"Hello.. I'm 29 . Me and my husband have been married for 7 years now and we have a 9 months old baby boy. My husband was my child hood sweetheart. We have known each other since we were babies coz we used to be neighbors and went to the same school. We had a great bond of attraction, and a huge passion for each other before our marriage. He s still very passionate towards Me just like the old days. Never stops expressing his love and lust . But I started losing the passion and the sexual energy slowly and I have a feeling I'm taking him for granted. I wanna go back to how I used to feel about him back then. I have become a boring and non adventurous person and life got too monotonous. How do I rekindle the passion and build back the sexual tension we used to have during the earlier times of a relationship?",,24,Hippo2rippo,2020-06-29 06:21:31 RedPillWives,hgt5mb,"Parenting, Motherhood, Pregnancy Mega-Thread - June 27, 2020","Hello Ladies: Feel free to post your advice, wisdom, or questions relating to all things babies!!! - RPWi's mod team",,5,AutoModerator,2020-06-27 13:04:30 RedPillWives,hg83od,What is life like post 40?,"So I'm approaching 40 in the next few years, and I wondered if any of you ladies are over 40. If so, what advice would you give me for the future. Thank you :)",,8,HappilyMrs,2020-06-26 14:00:14 RedPillWives,hclz0f,"SHIT POST SATURDAY - June 20, 2020","Hello Ladies: Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. Have fun and let's all laugh together! - RPWi's mod team",,8,AutoModerator,2020-06-20 13:04:23 RedPillWives,hafbyn,Do I need advice or is it just a bunch of feelz?," * How old are you (and how old is your partner) and how familiar are you with RPW? 24 and 38 respectively. I am not very familiar with this sub. So if I 'm breaking some overt rules please let me know * What is your relationship status? Married * What is the problem? (Don’t badmouth your SO!) I feel like I can't get over some of the past hurts and fights. We both pushed each other to the absolute limit before I decided I was going to stop attacking him and trying to force him to be what I wanted him to be. He always seemed to hold me at arms length and seems to compartmentalize our marriage. As in he doesn't share what happens on his end of the marriage with me. He pretends to go along to get along mostly but then just does whatever he as going to anyways. Which I took issue with. And was a crazy bitch to him about it. It took a while fro him to trust that I actually changed and so he was still in defense mode for a long time. But recently he seems way more open and comfortable with me and has even mentioned the change in me. BUT it feels like he is still holding me at arms length like he always has. Not as a defensive mechanism but just as matter of fact. I think I'm just looking for reassurance from him that he is invested in our family. as you can see there is quite a big age gap between us. he seems to handle me like I'm a child. But will be more open and cheerful with woman in his circles closer to his age than me as his wife. And it really bothers me and makes me feel insecure. * How have you contributed to the problem? I've closed up and branded myself as a martyr for doing so. I'm giving myself a pat on the back for ""holding my tongue"" while at the same time resenting him for the constraint I feel. When I genuinely need his help (with the kids, house, finances, etc.) or comfort I don't ask him. I just tell myself ""He won't help anyway"" which gives me a ""good"" reason to feel sorry for myself. And then feel better about myself because I'm still going to try and be the perfect little wife for him even though I'm over here ""struggling"". ""Look at how great of a person I am."" * How long has this been an issue? For the last several months. * What have you done to resolve this problem? Try to reason with myself mostly. Remind myself of all the ways he helps me around the house and remind myself of the little gestures he's being doing more lately to show he cares. And If married or in a committed, monogamous relationship: * How long have you been together? 5 years this August * Is your relationship long-distance? No * Do you have an active bedroom life? We did before pregnancy complications and then the delivery of our third child. So it's been about 3 months since doing anything.",,1,smartywrapper,2020-06-16 23:24:36 RedPillWives,h9lhr3,An interesting take on the home economy,,https://unherd.com/2020/01/why-tradwife-just-isnt-trad-enough/,15,[deleted],2020-06-15 18:07:54 RedPillWives,h12v1j,Tips for Responsible Dating!,,https://bohemiennehopechest.com/2020/05/date-responsibly/,14,jack_hammarred,2020-06-11 16:42:20 RedPillWives,gz422b,Captain who likes to wing it vs. type A planner first mate,"I'm not having a problem per se, but here's my answers to the questions, followed by further explanation. **How old are you (and how old is your partner) and how familiar are you with RPW?** F22, M21. **What is your relationship status?** In a relationship. **What is the problem? (Don’t badmouth your SO!)** How do you navigate having a captain who flies by the seat of his pants for vacations, plans, etc. when you're very much someone who like to research and have at least a rough plan ahead of time? **How have you contributed to the problem?** By being too neurotic and rigid in my idea about how things should go. By being difficult when I don't like how he does things. **How long has this been an issue?** It's kind of just baked into our personalities, so it's persistent. **What have you done to resolve this problem?** I do my best to yield to him. I'm working on addressing why things not going how I thought they would go makes me so upset (through self-reflection and therapy.) **How long have you been together?** Two Years. **Is your relationship long-distance?** No. **Do you have an active bedroom life?** Very. \--- There's a bit of a rub when I want to do a bunch of research ahead of plans, while he is more of a figure it out as we go and trust that it will work out kind of guy. At times, this causes me discomfort and anxiety and can cause disappointment for both parties. Other times, it's a blast. I want to find a balance where I can use my planning and research to augment his leadership instead of making him feel like I don't trust him. He actively tells me he appreciates my planning, but there have been times where my planning caused us to butt heads, or for him to just let me take over and be passive (which also suggests I challenged his masculinity.) This is a request for personal accounts/field reports about how this works in your relationship. When I follow the FM/Captain dynamic through logically, I'm sure there must be a way for a first mate who likes to plan and is good at it to use that in a way that compliment the relationship dynamic rather than challenging his authority. I see an opportunity for this to be a reason we work so well together!",,11,dabadeedabadaa,2020-06-08 17:46:50 RedPillWives,gxqmbn,"Simple Questions - June 06, 2020","Hello Ladies: Ask any question that doesn’t require its own post! Subreddit [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/wiki/rules) still apply but the range of acceptable subjects is wider. Anyone can ask, and anyone can answer! Be sure to check for new comments periodically :) - RPWi's mod team",,2,AutoModerator,2020-06-06 13:04:19 RedPillWives,gvql73,Being disrespectful in front of family/friends,"How old are you (and how old is your partner) and how familiar are you with RPW? 37, 39, quite familiar for me, he's only vaguely heard me mention anything RP What is your relationship status? Married What is the problem? (Don’t badmouth your SO!) I am a disrespectful to him in front of family and friends sometimes (I hate admitting that!). He admonished me for it last night after me doing it on Monday at my sister in laws house. How have you contributed to the problem? Problem is all caused by me. I make fun of him without realising I am doing it. In my head, I am being playful and joining in with the general conversation (he has quite a sarcastic, teasing manner that everyone loves). To him, it is going too far, and isn't funny, it's just being a bitch. How long has this been an issue? Honestly, forever. What have you done to resolve this problem? He will tell me to pack it in, and I will do better at policing myself for a while, and then I start to forget and go back to this bad habit. If married or in a committed, monogamous relationship: How long have you been together? 20 years Is your relationship long-distance? Nope Do you have an active bedroom life? Generally yes, but pandemic stress and him being a keyworker has reduced this in the last 4 weeks. I need help for controlling this behaviour. I suspect it comes from a number of places such as social insecurity and reproducing some of the unpleasant aspects of my parents marriage. I have previous read The Care And Feeding Of Husbands. It helped for a while, but then I returned to this crappy behaviour again. Thank you",,12,HappilyMrs,2020-06-03 09:14:22 RedPillWives,gvjcos,Small Update To Dealing With A Drunk Captain,"u/HornsOfApathy pointed out to me that men on TRP are generally people who have gone through divorce rape and cheaters. I thought about how it would affect my husband if he saw me cheating. I mentioned how I thought about cheating in the post. It's not in my nature to be sneaky. I'm terrible at lying. Even if I wanted to cheat, I would be wrecked with guilt and shame. I started doing a workout regimen yesterday of running 5k everyday and doing this June challenge with Blogilates. Turns out a friend of mine texted me out of the blue to say she was worried about the weight she had gained. Long story short, we're doing the regimen together and also 18-6 intermittent fasting. I brought up this plan with my husband. I mentioned how I'm going to lose weight (keep in mind I'm only 10 lbs over what I was when we met). I pointed out yet again why it's not fair to me for me to lose weight and he doesn't. Then I brought up the fact that I do get hit on while I'm at work. Against my not-sneaky nature, I commented how I might just take up someone's offer and have some fun. Man oh man, it was subtle, but it definitely turned a switch in his head. He got way more affectionate and kind with me since. It's too soon to say if this is the start of some sort of a genuine change, but it's nice. I will be lurking here on my main account. Thank you again, u/HornsOfApathy for the inspiration.",,30,formerlyinfamous,2020-06-03 00:20:11 RedPillWives,gtl8o8,Sisters. Who else is on a Glow Up Journey?,"Hello ladies. I am 20 years old, currently a student and on my level up journey. I've struggled with my confidence for years and now I have decided to fight for and become a little high maintenance. This means actively saving and spending money on myself. Investing in myself and my life to better my overall self. As well as, becoming more active and losing a little of puppy fat. I plan on learning how to do my gel nails at home, blowdrys and general skincare. Investing in my wardrobe; heels and shoes. I was a bit of a Tom boy growing up and I neglected myself in the feminine aspect and now I am ready to embrace being a lady. If there any girls on this journey... please share. It would be great to be inspired and tell me what you are doing. We are all on different paths and levels so ladies do share.",,33,Deedee554,2020-05-30 20:32:37 RedPillWives,gsh6hn,Where do I start?,"Hi y'all, I'm new to the sub but not the concepts. I was raised in a rather ""conservative"" household and raised with many red pill views on womanhood, motherhood, and femininity. But I think there's much more for me to learn and I'd like my marriage to grow more in the red pill direction. I've looked around a bit. But I'm wondering if there are some good places to start. Thanks in advance!",,6,smartywrapper,2020-05-28 23:16:41 RedPillWives,grzlnf,Encouraging Masculinity through Femininity?,"Disclaimer: I’ve been frequenting RP subs for about a week, so I’m sure there’s bits I’ma get wrong. BG: I’ve been a wreck emotionally lately. It’s driving my husband nuts. Could be COVID, could be something else. I’ve recently been diagnosed w ADHD and the treatment for that helped me do things like actually get my house tidy a couple times a week. I’ve been melting down inexplicably, getting completely overwhelmed by kids whining or the puppy peeing indoors and I know it’s really weighing on my husband. Cue RP! There’s a new sub, RPCWomen, I think, and I somehow started reading a post, “Why listen to men on a women’s sub?” It was literally at least 50% a foreign language to me, with words and acronyms that held (and some still hold) NO meaning in my understanding. No matter, I was intrigued. I listened to a random YouTube series from the sidebar of one of the RP subs and found myself... not enraptured by the dude’s attitude, but oddly agreeing w a lot of what he was saying to do in practicality. So my question is this: I know I’ve done a lot of blue-pill damage to my husband, and I hate it, expecting him to be something he’s not and he thinks he’s a failure, I think I’m a failure, yada, yada. For the past day, I’ve been trying to apply some of the femininity/RP principles I read about to let him know that it’s okay to be a dude who doesn’t really care about the nuances of my emotions and my feeling prefect all the time. Even if I’m still a basket case, I’m on board w the idea that he generally knows what I want better than I do. I’m pretty shocked by the results. I think he’s getting the signals I’m trying to convey. Tonight, I was engrossed in a hobby, and he said, “Time to be done.” and came over and stuff while I got to a stopping point. Last night, or the night before, he would have gone to bed without saying a word and been resentful for it the next day. Note: I have read the posts on transactional thinking and I don’t think this is that. I don’t want to demand that he “become an alpha”, but I want him to know that if he is that way by nature (and I’m pretty sure he is), I no longer desire to change him to cater to my emotional needs. I’m also convinced RP is basically a science, so is there a guide to RP femininity? Like what does it look like? What to avoid in interactions with the hubs, bc I don’t want to accidentally discourage him. We’re going on our 10th ann’y trip tomorrow for the weekend and I’m so psyched.",,19,FaithfulGardener,2020-05-28 04:41:34 RedPillWives,gp4l0c,"Parenting, Motherhood, Pregnancy Mega-Thread - May 23, 2020","Hello Ladies: Feel free to post your advice, wisdom, or questions relating to all things babies!!! - RPWi's mod team",,2,AutoModerator,2020-05-23 13:04:35 RedPillWives,gl2huf,New Mother Needing Advice On Coping,"Hi Red Pill Wives! I'm really in need of some advice in this very trying time of my life. Well, I don't know if I need advice, a slap in the face, a shoulder to cry on, or just to commiserate - I guess I just need some context. My husband and I have been married for a year and a half and we have a 7.5 month old son. I'm really struggling with the transition from purely homemaker to include being a stay-at-home-mom. My husband works a great job and we have always been in agreement that our ideal situation would have me staying at home looking after our children. I feel like I'm currently not meeting my own expectations or my husband's expectations of what I should be doing at this point. The first few months were absolutely survival, we both knew that going into it, but now that we've found more of a routine with the baby I'm struggling even more now that there's more expectations of me. The idea that there's zero ""time off"" from motherhood is really eating at me in a way I hadn't anticipated. I end up feeling slightly resentful and come off as ungrateful to my husband when his job ""ends"" and he gets a break in the evenings. He frequently works on things at home (he'll VPN onto work and check things during some evenings and on weekends) so it's not that he only works during the day and lounges for the rest. However, I get up and cover anything that our son needs between bedtime (around 7pm) and I'll get up anywhere between 6-8am and look after him for his first wake-window. Neither of us are morning people, so I find myself envying my husband who gets to stay in bed until 9 or 10. Partially for the sleep, but partially because he gets the opportunity to stay up late to enjoy his hobbies where I feel pressure to get to bed early so I'm not absolutely dead for a 6am wakeup. We counter this problem once in a while by my husband taking the first wake-up. I'll get up and feed our son and he'll get up and spend an hour or two with him so I can get back to bed. This is usually a great treat but it's not feasible for him to do it super often and I feel a lot of guilt asking him to get up earlier on a work day or after I know he's been up late. A lot of things I previously enjoyed as a homemaker (cleaning, cooking, general errands) don't bring me joy in the same way now that it's a juggling act with a baby. Even though I really enjoy making food for my husband, I get frustrated and anxious about getting groceries or meal planning and frequently ask if we can get take-out instead, which in turn makes me feel like I'm doing a bad job. I try and stay on top of the laundry and dishes pretty well, but the overall state of our house is not something I'm proud of. My husband is an absolutely awesome dad and he's so willing to be involved and help when he can around his work schedule. I honestly love being a mom too, it's just been really hard that I don't feel like I get to be anything but a mom anymore. I'm half and half breastfeeding and pumping (about 4x each per day). If the baby isn't up, I'm usually hooked up to my breastpump, cooking/doing dishes, or doing laundry. I get a couple hours in the evening where I can take part in my hobbies, but by that point I'm usually so exhausted that I crash and get to bed as soon as possible. Any energy for physical intimacy with my husband is almost a distant memory at this point. Anyways all of this aside I just feel like there's a normal amount of adjustment to being a new parent, but I feel like I'm on the verge of just not coping whatsoever. I'm having multiple breakdowns a month and I feel like I'm putting a lot of extra burden on my husband. Is it just going to be hard until baby is X months/years old? I feel some added pressure since my husband is facing a possible big promotion where his workload will increase drastically and he won't be able to help as much as he is now. We also want more kids eventually, but I'm barely hanging on with one as it is. My husband was speaking to an older work colleague over the phone the other day and they were discussing a conference that was moving to online. They have evening discussions and my husband said that he'd try and be present once our baby was down for the night. The colleague was surprised that I wouldn't be able to handle doing that by myself and asked what I would be doing if he was having to travel and be at conferences in person. That's been eating at me for a little bit ever since it came up. The last couple of times my husband had to travel for work, my parents came to stay with me to help out (we're in the US and they're in Canada, so they've had to cancel all pending travel for the time being). For those of you that have kids, do you have any tips on how to cope with the big life change? Did I just miss the boat on maternal selflessness that other women figured out before they had kids?",,16,Fayve27,2020-05-16 21:12:53 RedPillWives,gkubqe,"SHIT POST SATURDAY - May 16, 2020","Hello Ladies: Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. Have fun and let's all laugh together! - RPWi's mod team",,1,AutoModerator,2020-05-16 13:04:28 RedPillWives,gk8cya,Do you ask your husband for permission?,"I am trying to find the line between being respectful of your partner and maintaining adult autonomy. Obviously, somethings need to be discussed, for example making an expensive purchase with shared funds. But what about going over to a girlfriends or taking a ladies trip? Should you ask or should you inform? Recently, I find myself asking for permission and it makes me feel childish. What are your thoughts? (No kids so leaving for a night shouldn’t affect him in anyway. Assume you live together.)",,29,Mopolitte,2020-05-15 12:39:02 RedPillWives,gjq1ui,"What do you do when you REALLY want something, but your husband says no?","* How old are you (and how old is your partner) and how familiar are you with RPW? * I'm 23; Hubby is 48 (please ignore age gap during discussion; it's not important). I found TRP a couple months ago, and have since been lurking on the related subs (TRP, AskTRP, redpillwomen, RPW, etc.) * What is your relationship status? * married * What is the problem? (Don’t badmouth your SO!) * So, kind of a long story, but I'll try to make it short without sacrificing important details. A few years ago when Hubby and I first moved in together, we adopted this precious miniature pinscher, whom we named Cerberus. I love that dog dearly. * Flash forward to fall of last year: we're living in a big house, and now have four dogs. One night, one of them, a great dane, attacks our min pin, nearly killing him. After an expensive vet bill, Cerby went to recover at my husband's ex-wife's house (kept the dog in the family and the step children happy). We haven't gotten him back because a) for a while we kept the great dane, until she started fighting with our other dogs, and we obviously couldn't have her around Cerby, and b) now that we have re-homed the great dane and she is no longer a problem, the ex-wife is complaining that Cerby is constantly getting into cabinets and peeing all over the house, and Hubby doesn't want that happening to our house. * Currently: We recently replaced the great dane with another adoptee, bringing our pack back to up three, and Hubby is interested in getting a fourth. However, I really, really, really miss Cerberus, and I have been begging him to ask his ex-wife if we could borrow the dog for a day or two long visit (which she is on board with, because she suggested Cerby could go back and fourth with the children. This idea was immediately rejected. Figures.) I personally don't see what the issue is because a) how much damage could one dog do in 1-2 days, with everyone home all day to supervise? b) the most recent adoptee had some trouble navigating the dog door for a while, and has peed in the house; we are still trying to get rid of the smell, to which, of course, a fourth dog will only add to, and c) I am the one who does the cleaning in the house, including the dog messes when Hubby goes to work. * **So, my question becomes: do I push the issue, because I miss this stupid min pin every day and my heart hurts, or do I stop asking in order to respect my husband's wishes, even if I can rationalize away his reasons for saying no? I don't want to add additional stress to his life and I want to be submissive to him, but it just feels like we've wrongfully cast our very first dog aside, and that's left a hole that can't be filled.** * How have you contributed to the problem? * I have, half jokingly, suggested I could kidnap the dog from the ex-wife's yard. That did not go over well. A while back, before Cerby started reportedly misbehaving, I also put a lot of pressure on Hubby to ask his ex-wife to borrow him, which he absolutely did not want to do because she's been manipulative and borderline abusive to him for many, many years, and they were arguing at the time and he just wanted to stop talking to her. I regret that a lot. (But it seems like they're more at peace now, since they're communicating civilly about casual things like the dog?) * How long has this been an issue? * At least 2 months * What have you done to resolve this problem? * I've tried to talk to him about it calmly and rationally, explaining the way I see things. Hubby becomes very defensive with the vaguest suggestion of criticism, most likely as a result of his awful previous marriage, so conversations in which we disagree can often go downhill quickly (we are working on this together.) I often think he hears me, knows I have a point, and then does this strange thing where he somehow slips out of the conversation without giving me the feeling there's been a definite resolution or decision? And then the problem still just... hangs. I don't know how he does it, honestly. It's very unsettling, to say the least. (hope that doesn't come off as bad mouthing) If married or in a committed, monogamous relationship: * How long have you been together? * five years * Is your relationship long-distance? * No * Do you have an active bedroom life? * Yes lol",,16,[deleted],2020-05-14 16:48:59 RedPillWives,gii09q,Opinions on breast reduction?,"I’m interested to know what you think about a woman considering a breast reduction. Has anyone here had one? What was the opinion of your boyfriend/husband? I’m a 25yo single woman with naturally large breasts (32I). I’m thinking about the possibility of a reduction in the future. It’s not about appearance, rather it’s the back pain, shoulder grooves, and also the fact that bras in my size are expensive. Thoughts and opinions are much appreciated!",,9,thisisgarbage10,2020-05-12 19:07:36 RedPillWives,gdz8eg,Is The Surrendered Wife the same as The Empowered Wife?,"I am sorry if this has been answered, I tried to search it but couldn't find the answer. I own the surrendered wife by Laura Doyle and have read it multiple times, just wondered if the empowered wife offers anything new or if it's just the ""update"". Also any other reason similar to this would be welcomed. I read Dr Laura's ""proper care and feeding husband's"" but her overly Christian stance didn't really fit well since I am agnostic and my husband is an atheist, but there were some helpful insights. Thank you!",,15,iwishiwasamermaid,2020-05-05 14:56:56 RedPillWives,gdicfq,Conflict advice with blended family dynamic,"* How old are you (and how old is your partner) and how familiar are you with RPW? I’m 30 and my partner is 48. He has been married twice before and has 3 children from two different women. Oldest 19 in college, and two twin 11 year old daughters. I just stumbled upon RPW last night. * What is your relationship status? Married * What is the problem? (Don’t badmouth your SO!) Conflicts. Ignoring me while his oldest is here and regardless of her here or not fighting in front of all of his children. I don’t like to fight publicly but especially in front of kids… I feel like unless we can control our conflicts better we should not be allowing them to happen in front of the kids. I often will stay in my room or just avoid being around everyone because I don’t want to fight in front of them whereas he doesn’t care. As a result, he criticizes me for that with things like im antisocial or id be a bad mom. He will also blame me for everything wrong… I am a dark cloud or I’m from Texas so I’m not as smart as most. I don’t know how to fix the conflict to the point of having control (both of us having control) where we mutually agree to not have them in front of the kids. * How have you contributed to the problem? I remain negative or distant when we fight and he’s in the wrong until he hears me out and apologizes. I think I wait for him to see my perspective because I am alone whereas he will go off with his oldest leaving me alone or with the younger kids. I try to joke when we fight to ease the tension and maybeeee get him to loosen up to resolve it but he will criticize with I'm not good with jokes…. I just want a little respect and emotion from him I guess. I know im not doing everything right when we fight and I just wish he would take a step back and realize how it makes us look so weak and is harming his kids. * How long has this been an issue? always after a few months goes by after we have been together… in other words, when we dated before marriage it was on and off. * What have you done to resolve this problem? Give in. Appease him. Doesn’t work because it cycles and keeps happening. If married or in a committed, monogamous relationship: * How long have you been together? 4 years * Is your relationship long-distance? no * Do you have an active bedroom life? yes Please also include any other information that is relevant in your post.",,6,bklein26,2020-05-04 19:31:28 RedPillWives,gc64jr,"Simple Questions - May 02, 2020","Hello Ladies: Ask any question that doesn’t require its own post! Subreddit [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/wiki/rules) still apply but the range of acceptable subjects is wider. Anyone can ask, and anyone can answer! Be sure to check for new comments periodically :) - RPWi's mod team",,0,AutoModerator,2020-05-02 13:04:24 RedPillWives,galxt8,"RPW Episode 9 - Pregnancy Part 2 - there's a baby in there, now what?!","[**Pregnancy Episode Part 2 - Tonight at 9pm ET**](https://youtu.be/Y7jgGlHTtBc) Good morning RPW! This evening Joe and I will be joined again by my very best friend and Mother of Twins to talk about what happens *during* pregnancy. Or as the title says: there's a baby in there, now what?!?! We'll hit the milestones and decision making with a focus on your relationship and what your man might be going through. But we also want to know what your questions are. You can join us in the live comments during the show, but we'd also love if you drop us a line here through the day. What are your burning questions about pregnancy. This can be anything from symptoms to relationship issues to book recommendations. It's a big topic and we want to be able to cover what is important to the women in the red pill community.",,3,bsutansalt,2020-04-30 01:04:25 RedPillWives,g7t6xc,"Parenting, Motherhood, Pregnancy Mega-Thread - April 25, 2020","Hello Ladies: Feel free to post your advice, wisdom, or questions relating to all things babies!!! - RPWi's mod team",,1,AutoModerator,2020-04-25 13:04:28 RedPillWives,g7lezq,The Red Pill YouTube Channel,"For those who may have missed it, I'm working with the several others in the red pill community to build the [official Red Pill YouTube channel](https://www.youtube.com/c/TheRedPillMedia/?sub_confirmation=1) just for us. Thus far we've created two shows, one for single guys new to the community called Red Pill University, and another show for women called RPW Wednesdays. Three examples of content related to this sub can be found here: Pregnancy & Intentionality - https://youtu.be/IZnfC1o6N5A Respecting your captain - https://youtu.be/DP6aCc6C81I The Wall - https://youtu.be/Qu0F_jW7quE If you'd like to participate we have open Q&A sessions live on air, and you can also chat with us for a while after the show on the [official TRP Discord server](https://discord.gg/cqDdDSN). Also, if you are a subject matter expert, mod, etc. we'd love to have you on sometime.",,4,bsutansalt,2020-04-25 02:01:01 RedPillWives,g6su0k,Any interest in a discord server?,"Does anyone have an interest in joining a discord server to discuss rpw, marriage, homemaking, and other feminine topics? Reddit is great, but I’ve been missing a more personal community feel. I have issues finding likeminded women IRL, and I suspect I am not alone. I’m happy to create one if there’s interest.",,13,cloudlilies,2020-04-23 19:13:09 RedPillWives,g5ftz8,How important IS vetting?,"Hey ladies, I just have a general question about vetting, and the importance of it. I have been reading and re-reading the Surrendered Wife in the past year and a half, as well as listening to Laura Doyle's podcasts. I just get confused because there's so much in her theories that makes it seem like nearly every marriage situation IS salvageable. She even came out to say that she now doesn't agree with the statements in her first book about not surrendering to men in specific situations, like for example addictions. I've read columns where she interviews women who have never even really respected their husbands from the beginning, and they most certainly didn't vet, BUT they applied the skills and they have transformed their marriages. It seems to me that here in this sub there's a lot of emphasis on proper vetting, and that if you don't do that you can't find a real captain and therefore you really can't or shouldn't submit. So, I'm just wondering if there's gray area with that? Doyle seems nearly totally convinced that any situation can be turned around. What do you all think?",,18,goldensurrender,2020-04-21 14:06:23 RedPillWives,g3qffe,Feel like a failure,"I've been a homemaker and mother for 9 years, and without tooting my own horn too much - I'm pretty good at it. I excel at cooking, complicated baking, I knit, crochet and keep myself very active and at my healthy weight. I also homeschool so my children are always with me. I have a 9 year old, 4 year old, 14 month old and am 11 weeks pregnant (first trimester) I got pregnant right before quarantine and I have been so sick. DH is home with us right now and he's taking over most things due to me being ill. He's happy enough to do so, but I know I'm not being as productive as I should, I'm definitely schlumping around in comfy clothes to accomodate my expanding tummy and I feel like I must look like a real horror show. I'm trying to get myself motivated to ""do more"" but my morning sickness is all day and it's all day of fighting the urge to throw up. (Think of bring motion sick but all day) it's exhausting. I'm hoping some meds will help but I'm having a hard time. How can I keep being a good wife and Homemaker when I feel like I can barely make lunch???",,16,[deleted],2020-04-18 16:35:58 RedPillWives,g3n6rc,"SHIT POST SATURDAY - April 18, 2020","Hello Ladies: Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. Have fun and let's all laugh together! - RPWi's mod team",,0,AutoModerator,2020-04-18 13:04:24 RedPillWives,g2ntmn,Own Your Shit,"**OYS 1** EDIT 1: I realize now that people don't have any context as this OYS thing is not posted in RedPillWives. I was reading the marriedredpill sub and came accross their ""Own Your Shit"" posts. Here's the most recent one: [https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/g11qmx/own\_your\_shit\_weekly\_april\_14\_2020/](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/g11qmx/own_your_shit_weekly_april_14_2020/) I almost submitted it there but then I read in the sidebar that they would immediately delete if I'm a woman. EDIT 2: (Also, I didn't realize that it's a faux pas to post something in reference to the guys' sub... my bad. I'm new here. Go easy on me.) **Stats** Female Age 28, LTR of 4 years with sexy, $$$, career driven man (age 34). 0 kids. Height: 5'4"". Weight: 147 lbs and slimming (lost 23 lbs). I'm a long distance runner with an average pace of 10:45 min/mile. Stable remote job with 125k salary. Just discovered this sub after searching for resources for rekindling our passion in the bedroom after this lockdown ensued (I'm horny, he's not right now). I like extreme ownership and I'm going to keep reading more on this thing because I think I can benefit. **Lockdown** Enjoying a simpler routine and the added exercise during my lunch hour. **Physical**: Started strength training this week with Nike Training Club. Fuck, I'm sore. Continuing to run this week. Did a 48 hour fast over the weekend, which kicked me into ketosis. Finally overcame a couple month plateau that way. [https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/11qGCQu\_VmALg3QzuVW3nk4ul\_7I0IEAGL3T18QDvlKI/edit?usp=sharing](https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/11qGCQu_VmALg3QzuVW3nk4ul_7I0IEAGL3T18QDvlKI/edit?usp=sharing) Weight loss progress sheet I started this week. Went through the 60 Days of Dread posts. The style section was a wakeup call. I bought all the sexy push up bras I need in my life - they're on their way here. Starting to wear makeup more instead of loungewear w/o makeup. When my roommate or my bf asks about it, I just tell them I'm putting more effort into life. **Mental Health, Reading and Introspection** Going to read NMMNG and MAP. I've had a little trouble focusing this week as a remote worker. I need to cut the shit and focus on the task until it's complete. After this post I will buckle down and close all the distracting windows on my desktop. I want to get back into my routine of meditation. I'm going to schedule that today. **Practical** Really took ownership of setting a standard for the way I want the bedroom to be since it's my office half the time. Pitched in a LOT more with the chores at my bf's house which earned me good points with my BF - although looking back on it it was more placating to be able to receive sexual touch... so maybe that wasn't the right move. **Entrepreneurship** I am going to rework my blocked off time for my projects since I'm doing my fasts on the weekends. I guess I'll have more time since my bf isn't really wanting to have sex these days. I also need to choose 1 project and complete it all the way instead of bouncing around. I have a book that's ready to be polished and edited as well. **Short term goals. I will leave Lockdown having:** * read NMMNG * Lost 10 more lbs * Chosen 1 project and gotten it done.",,3,Ana_Compudah,2020-04-16 21:14:34 RedPillWives,g2ayww,My boyfriend didn't want to buy me a car and now I am insecure in our relationship.,"Okay, that was somewhat clickbait. The story is a little bit different and I really need your advice. I'm so worried that I'm going to come off as greedy. I don't want to take anything from anyone, ever. The problem is that I think I truly deserve more than I'm getting. **The arrangement** From the outside, it appears that my boyfriend pays for our life, a comfy living, nice cars, I get to do what I want all day. That's how he offered it to me and I was interested because I wanted to focus on my art. I have a promising career, if given some time to work on it. He didn't even expect me to cook. **I wanted to help** I wanted to help out in a bigger way, so I did all the manual labor and yard renovation when he bought a house. I installed 1200 square feet of flooring, painted, did baseboard, tiling, plumbing, landscaping, etc. Thousand of $ in work. I felt super happy to be helping him like this. He turned a $40k profit when he sold it and bought a new house. The new house is more terrible. It's a full time job, so now I barely get time to do my things. It also just sucks to live here because of the mess. **I became slave labor** He told me about the neighbor being impressed that he was able to have a stay-at-home girlfriend. Dude doesn't know the half of it. My boyfriend could not have purchased this house without relying on my skill. He's told me this many times. The labor is going to be hundreds of thousands of dollars by the time were done. He's expecting to turn a $400k profit in a couple years. My boyfriend, however, truly believes that I have an awesome life. He told me a lady at his work was ""jealous"" of me. Yeah, please come over and remove the rotten mildew drywall. Oh and reframe that wall over there because it has extensive termite damage. I'll just be over here scraping lead paint off the doors. Fuck. So much fun!! **The seeds of my financial concerns were sowed** It occured to me as time went on that I'm not actually gaining anything here. I love my boyfriend, but everything else sucks. I have no assets at all, my bank account barely has $100 in it, and my resume is non-existent so I couldn't even get a job later if I wanted to. He seems to think that my reward is living in such a beautiful, expensive house. This is flawed reasoning because: 1\. I would not choose to live here. I would live somewhere more affordable. 2\. I'm not enjoying living in a construction shithole, believe it or not. 3\. My actual passion in life is on the back burner. Who knows how long it's setting me back and what opportunities I'm missing. **The car incident** This really occured to me when my car that I owned broke down for good and got scrapped for $500. My boyfriend told me to keep the cash and he'd get a new car. Without me on the title. This is where I'm worried I'll sound greedy, but I hope you'll understand. Now, I have no vehicle to my name. I have nothing. I brought it up gently and he said ""well you wouldn't have a car anyway because it broke down and you wouldn't be able to afford it."" That just absolutely crushed me. I don't have money because I'm working for him constantly, for FREE. I'm not a ""stay at home"" girlfriend. I'm a construction slave. I thought he was going to take care of me. He can afford to let me have a car. I know this for a fact. I estimate that I've contributed $50k+ in labor over the past couple years. He doesn't think I deserve the $7k that half the car is worth...? He never expected me to contribute in the way that I did. So, I would have got nothing if I never helped, and I still get nothing while I'm tremendously helping. **The aftermath** It makes me feel so insecure that I'm sick to my stomach. Why am I working for free when I get nothing? He says I have a good lot in life. Yes, I have food, a roof, clothes, etc. but I'm poor as fuck. I'm living in a million $ neighborhood and I would be homeless if we broke up tomorrow. I'm not a dog. I DO think about tomorrow and financial security. I don't want you to think that our relationship sucks. It's actually very good. I could be with him forever (and that's the plan) if I didn't have to worry about this. He seems to really appreciate me helping and thinks everything I do is awesome. Unfortunately that doesn't translate into any financial security for me. The only solution I see is getting married, but I don't know how to bring it up without making it sound like an ultimatum. **I see three options:** 1\. Get married so that I know that I'll have financial security, and I'll feel comfortable building his wealth. The planned improvements for this house will require $100k+ in just my labor. I think I deserve that financial security. 2\. Break up and I move back home to finish my engineering degree. He's a high maintenance person and I don't see maintaining this relationship and working full time. It's just not a reality. 3\. Have him pay me per hour. He said he'd do this, but deduct living expenses. Again, this is a shit hole and I would not be required to pay for living expenses if I did literally nothing. So why am I going to elect to pay money that I don't have to? I want an actual salary if this is the choice. Sigh. **Conclusion** I hope I was able to explain this situation without sounding horrible. I just feel so unsafe. I mentioned my mom's life insurance policy (she's not dead) the other day and he said if he were me and he got that money, he'd buy a car because everyone needs a vehicle. *And I obviously don't have one*. Like, fuck, way to rub my poverty in my face. He's your typical ""I didn't even know there was a problem"" guy. So it's not malicious. He think I'm just contributing to the household. But, no. I'm contributing to HIS household. I get nothing. I have no rights. To anything I'm building. I am an employee. He either needs to pay me like an employee, or have me be part of the team. Please let me know what you think. How can I bring this up? It's extremely upsetting for me. Like, I instantly start crying because I feel so guilty and vulnerable at the same time. He doesn't want me to feel like this. I just don't know what we should even do about this situation...",,20,Ohboiawkward,2020-04-16 08:22:48 RedPillWives,g08ile,How are you staying sane during this time?,"It's easy to see everyone posting on instagram about their baking and homemaking efforts, and to think that other people aren't struggling during this strange period of uncertainty. I certainly am struggling! My anxiety is playing up, and my husband (who is a rock, and supports me incredibly) has his own increased level of stress too. Many of my usual outlets for stress (socialising, going to the gym, spending hours at the library or the op shop) are not an option for me. I thought it would be great to find out what people are doing to 'cope' during this time. Not the things that you're doing to fill your time, but the things you're doing because they help you feel better about everything that's going on. I'll put mine in the comments. &#x200B; \[EDIT\] A lot of people are talking about what they're doing to fill up their time, or how they're not worrying. I'm glad that you have things to fill your time& aren't worried! Me, well. I've studied public health and epidemiology and I'm a bit stressed. Answers that are just ""don't stress, it's no big deal"" don't really help in the face of emotion!",,12,teaandtalk,2020-04-13 00:51:23 RedPillWives,fzu6dn,Husband smothering me with his daily family visits,"TLDR: Husband does not want to cut down his family visitations, he wants to visit everyday and doesn't want to spare a day at our own home as he deems it a waste since it can br spent with his family. The only solution we have is for me to stay home when I don't feel like going but I am worried long term how this will affect us in terms of dynamics as I prefer my in-laws be minimally involved and not have too much influence on our life. They currently don't but I am scared of the dynamic shifting to them and that I won't have a say in the future. I am 25 living abroad with my husband for 10 months. We are both arab ethnicity wise but grew up very differently. I only had 1 sister, parents made sure we had everything (education,hobbies and traveling) would always plan ahead. I am used to having my own space and just going whenever I need to get something done. I was not close to my extended family and I did not feel like I have to be around my parents for long periods of time. As for my husband, even though he was living in a European country, he grew up poor because of his father. He has 4 brothers and he was forced to work very early. Eventually he was pretty much taking care of the house financially. Despite his background, I chose him because he is truly amazing but the one thing that is driving me insane is his constant need to visit his family **every single day.** Ever since we got married and I came here, we have constantly gone to their house despite having our own home. His reasoning was so we can save money on food plus his home gym is there for us to workout and the no brainier ""it's family there is always times for family"" My husband's family are not evil people, they do love me alot but I don't need them constantly in my life. Especially when I feel that they are far from put together. I was very displeased, I fought with him the first week on not wanting to ****sleep over at their house**** and it took a lot from me to put my foot down as it is a male household and his 2 brothers still live there and they are not exactly 12 year olds, they are well into college and I needed my privacy, thankfully he has never proposed it ever since. His mother doesn't drive or have anything other than her housewife duties because his dad never let her do anything. His dad is pretty much the core reason, they didn't live comfortably early on but now it's pretty normal. It also doesn't help that his youngest brother is fat and unhygienic, eats his boogers, touches his sweaty body then proceeds to touch food, people or objects. It really mind boggling how they all leave him like this and say ""oh it will go away eventually"" I voiced my dissatisfaction with going there everyday and his solution was if I don't want to go, I can stay home which I do from time to time but am not left with much of a choice because I don't have a job yet and he also comes back with a sour look as if I am not accommodating his need. For those past months, I have tried every single way to explain to him that these visitations are too much and he needs to cut them down even to 3-5 times a week or even have one day where we both don't go at least but even that he isn't willing to do. Eventually at some point he said he doesn't want to hear this topic again and I promised I would not bring it up. I am at loss, only my sister knows about my circumstances and I didn't say anything to my parents as I think it would be petty if I get them involved plus it would give my husband the excuse to do the same to me and I don't want that. I was hoping that it would be a phase and he would eventually see how good it is to just be together and the family visitations can just be occasional but it doesn't look like it's happening. I was also hoping that when getting a job would have eased it for me to not visit but the current pandemic lockdown isn't helping. As much as I love him, I am mentally tired and frustrated, I am scared of these visitations being a norm, I don't want his family to expect me there all the time, I don't want to have a child and this keeps going on, I don't want them to have a a say in anything that goes on in my life. it's not fair that my own parents are so far away and they give so much space compared to my in-laws. I understand family is family but what more can I do? I have gone along with it for months and I still feel annoyed but not as much as before. He truly thinks that I will like it and be satisfied with having an extended family but frankly it isn't working. Am I the problem? Is this going to end in divorce, I am truly trying but I can't anymore. What can I do to be okay with this or how can I gurantee that when we have a child that I am a priority and these visitations do not take over my life.",,6,PositiveSeaweed,2020-04-12 10:06:40 RedPillWives,fxg60q,Femininity: Quaranclean edition,"I recently got to the chapter in Fascinating Womanhood about letting men do manly stuff around the house as a means to show your femininity. My husband and I have been home together for a month, and as I I was doing my usual upstairs cleaning, I thought of an opportunity. I am 36 weeks pregnant and lifting the litter box to sweep under it is difficult - not completely impossible but uncomfortable (don't worry, my husband does change the litter box which is a no no for pregnant women but I've never thought to ask him to set it outside the bathroom so I can sweep under it). Then the lightbulb went off that this is one of those sweet, perfect moments to ask my manly man husband to help me with something. In fact, when he came upstairs to move it for me he said, ""hello! Your strong manly husband is here!"" Definitely be thinking of ways when you go about housework that you can capitlize on your husband's manly qualities. Lifting something heavy, reaching for something high, something that needs to be fixed (I find men who are reluctant to do projects are willing to start small and you can shower them with adoration - he may find it's so rewarding that he starts finding other projects. My husband is now refinishing a table we've needed to have refinished for YEARS). Always follow up with adoration and doting. If you have a husband who tends to be thoughtless or wrapped up in his own universe, now is the PERFECT time to work on ""training"" him to set his adoring gaze on you. It will make both of you very happy!",,27,[deleted],2020-04-08 22:17:26 RedPillWives,futdnv,"Simple Questions - April 04, 2020","Hello Ladies: Ask any question that doesn’t require its own post! Subreddit [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/wiki/rules) still apply but the range of acceptable subjects is wider. Anyone can ask, and anyone can answer! Be sure to check for new comments periodically :) - RPWi's mod team",,4,AutoModerator,2020-04-04 13:04:33 RedPillWives,ftxhnv,Social Media Has Destroyed The Modern Woman.,,https://youtu.be/OCTImbVubn8,22,kingbossdj,2020-04-02 23:54:52 RedPillWives,ft7zih,advice appreciated ❤️,,/r/RedPillWomen/comments/fsupwv/feel_like_everything_suddenly_fell_apart_advice/,2,bitchbaby1,2020-04-01 20:31:14 RedPillWives,fr08ed,Women: Take Care of Yourself First,,/r/IAMALiberalFeminist/comments/flfg2m/women_take_care_of_yourself_first/,9,ANIKAHirsch,2020-03-29 04:58:42 RedPillWives,fqjtc0,"Parenting, Motherhood, Pregnancy Mega-Thread - March 28, 2020","Hello Ladies: Feel free to post your advice, wisdom, or questions relating to all things babies!!! - RPWi's mod team",,3,AutoModerator,2020-03-28 13:04:26 RedPillWives,fpjo6f,14 Strategies for Working From Home Around Children Without Endless Screen Time,,https://thefederalist.com/2020/03/16/14-strategies-for-working-from-home-around-children-without-endless-screen-time/,12,jack_hammarred,2020-03-26 21:06:17 RedPillWives,fn21zf,Am I unreasonable and spoiled?,"Hope opinions and actual life experiences can help me navigate this well. I believe it is important to discuss big topics BEFORE marriage and so me and my dear wonderful man are doing it. Recently finances came up...Whenever we talk about the future we generally agree and have a rather traditional relationship even now. My man is the best and even with the little he has has always been generous. BUT when he talks to me about marriage and my new future role as a wife I get anxious and concerned about fulfilling that description. (Sidenote: To be fair, we already lived together for periods of weeks (I'm against cohabitation but for short periods or vacation). I thought I have a good idea of who is responsible for what. He even voiced wanting me to be a stay at home mom. I always was clear family is more important to me and that I will stay and maybe even homeschool the kids. Sometimes he even voiced it more!) For me it is NOT a question of money but values and who takes responsibility for what area of family. As it stands I like my work and would probably continue it on a small scale. BUT I don't believe it is the wife's responsibility to make income for her family. I believe she can and should have the skills and education if need be. Now my SO says he needs me to have an income when we marry. He wants me to share that responsibility with him. I don't know what to do! I can't imagine having kids and working. To be honest, I can't imagine being a good wife and mother and sharing that worry daily. I CAN imagine working and doing what I'm good at...And probably will anyway. I just can't stand the idea that now he will count how much money I'll be bringing in...I find that degrading. I'm scared of having little kids and being in conflict over how much..My income is less or not enough for us! Am I unreasonable? I hope you understand I find being measured in the same role as a husband confusing.",,9,Maddymadmaddy,2020-03-22 16:11:00 RedPillWives,fmenrr,"SHIT POST SATURDAY - March 21, 2020","Hello Ladies: Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. Have fun and let's all laugh together! - RPWi's mod team",,6,AutoModerator,2020-03-21 13:04:31 RedPillWives,fivbx0,Respond Favorably to Bids!,,http://theredpillroom.blogspot.com/2014/06/wife-test-warm-pleasant-disposition.html,14,jack_hammarred,2020-03-15 03:46:51 RedPillWives,fgmquo,Struggling with jealousy of a new friend,"Have developed a friendship with my husbands longterm guy friends, girlfriend. So they have been coming over to our house more often. This girl is 4 years younger than me in her early twenties and she just recently scored a job as a property manager soon to be making 6 figures. Yesterday, naturally in conversation she started talking about the stresses of her job, which prompted my husband to politely ask her what she did, humbly she bragged about how she just became a property manager of 30 properties in Miami, replacing someone making 100k a year. My husband is not RP, and he reacted impressed with his friends gf. Meanwhile, I'm busting my ass in a more skillful full-time job making half that. I also am a very skilled homemaker keeping our house in order, raising a one year old, and currently pregnant...I do a lot for the house. I feel like I'm completely overlooked and not praised for the simple things I do to keep this house afloat and our relationship vibrant. I feel 'plain' compared to her. She also brags about being able to get a meal delivery service every single day, she takes really good care of herself with monthly facials & massages, etc. My husband knows all of this. Early on in the relationship he expressed she is cute. She has expressed to me admiration toward my husband too for various things, his handiness. She has tried to come over our house while I was not home so he could fix her phone, we offered to help, but assuming I was there of course. Later she had expressed how impressed she was with his pain tolerance with the comment, ""well damn."" My first impression of her was an event that I was not even a part of but all of our friends hungout and she wore a very revealing bathing suit, that was later received with my husbands comment of her being cute and him being happy for his friend. Maybe I am reading too much into it, or maybe I should see a yellow flag and not let her get too close into our relationship/home? Idk please direct me. I do struggle with insecurity, any constructive criticism is welcome. On a side note, I also know she is not happy in her current relationship, wanting to break free because, ""she wants to move across the country and experience life"" and her bf does not. Her bf has a lot of conservative values, she is not redpill at all. I am mostly inviting her in because I value my husbands friend who has been around way longer than her. I do envy her confidence. How do I become better through this? ",,34,[deleted],2020-03-10 22:48:27 RedPillWives,feuvax,"Simple Questions - March 07, 2020","Hello Ladies: Ask any question that doesn’t require its own post! Subreddit [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/wiki/rules) still apply but the range of acceptable subjects is wider. Anyone can ask, and anyone can answer! Be sure to check for new comments periodically :) - RPWi's mod team",,3,AutoModerator,2020-03-07 13:04:37 RedPillWives,fefl63,Article About Feminist Lies,,https://thefederalist.com/2019/11/12/4-feminist-lies-that-are-making-women-miserable/,28,Femmeferrette,2020-03-06 16:06:24 RedPillWives,fcyv3d,True submission or role play?,"**Freedom, responsibility and authority.** Our natural state at birth is to be free. Free to express ourselves as we wish and to use our God given talents to explore and conquer the world. We lose some or all of this freedom when it’s taken from us by others or when we give it up knowingly or unknowingly. With freedom comes responsibility and with responsibility comes authority. My freedom to venture out necessitates that I reap the cost as well as the benefits for taking this risk. If I’m free to have a drink, it’s my responsibility if I cause damage while driving drunk. Likewise, my responsibility for something necessitates authority over it. If I’m responsible for the safety of my child, I have the authority to tell them what they can and cannot do. In nature, freedom **always** comes with responsibility and responsibility **always** comes with authority. It’s simple cause and effect. People can use force to restrict the freedom of others, to burden them with unfair responsibility and to remove their natural authority. However, this is unsustainable in the long run because it’s unbalanced and goes against fundamental human nature. **Needing each other differently** A man has the physical, mental and emotional power, stamina and endurance to conquer and tame the world. To do all the things that keeps civilization humming along. A man needs a woman to be his soft landing spot, his cheerleader and chief admirer. To be the grounding for his boundless creative energy. To love, have sex with and to procreate with. To be the recipient of all he has to give. A woman lacks the physical, mental and emotional power, stamina and endurance to make it in the world. left to her own devices, she will die in the wilderness. During pregnancy, birth and child rearing, she’s even more vulnerable and requires more resources to survive and thrive. A woman needs a man to seriously invest in her. To risk his health and his life, protecting and providing for her. She needs this on a core, existential level. This is the essence of hypergamy. To seek out the best man available, to invest in her life with protection and provision. The lure of sex and the love for his children are the biological tools she uses to get him hooked on her. This isn’t bad at all. This is the good side of hypergamy that helped keep our species going over the millennia. **The institution of marriage** Hypergamy has a dark side too. The very desire to find the best man available can lead her to leave her current man for a newly available man who she perceives to be better. It can also lead her to cuck him into assuming responsibility for children that aren’t his own. No man wants to risk his life on an investment that can be taken from him at any moment. Thus, the tradeoff of marriage was born. Marriage is a business agreement in which the man assumes responsibility for his wife in exchange for authority over her. How exactly “responsibility” and “authority” are defined is something that differed from place to place and from time to time. However, what was always present was: male responsibility for the woman and authority over her. The woman in turn, lost some of her freedom to her husband in exchange for his investment in her. Signs of hypergamy from married women were societally shunned at best and punished with public stoning at worst. Marriage was for life with few exceptions. Female hypergamy was strictly regulated by her father, her husband and society as a whole. This pattern can be found in other sexually dimorphic animals. The male is the protector and provider and in turn, the male has full authority over his family. These animals may not be able to speak, write legislation or form governments. Yet, this basic concept is still present because this tradeoff is driven by biological imperative. As sophisticated humans, we codified marriage into law, but the tradeoff that drives it is biologically driven nonetheless. **Women’s liberation** As the world became safer and more prosperous (since the industrial revolution), the absolute necessity for male power began to diminish. No longer was brute force as necessary to protect and no longer was back breaking labor required to provide. Women began to demand liberation from the shackles of male authority. after all, why should she submit to her husband when she too can wield a gun and work in a factory (and later, an office)? Since time immemorial, men have been burdened with the enormous responsibility of protecting and providing for their wives and children. As the calls for women’s liberation and equality grew louder, men saw an opportunity to share the heavy burden of responsibility. In other words: equality meant different things to men and women. To men it meant that women are finally capable and willing to be equal in responsibility. To women it meant that they will finally be free to pursue their own dreams and whatever makes them happy. (Of course, there’s some oversimplification here, but I’m writing a post, not a book). (It’s important to note that neither side was necessarily evil. While some individuals may have been pushing agendas, the overwhelming majority of people were simply doing what made sense at the time. Male authority was in place due to necessity and was given up as soon as it seemed feasible to do so, because men deeply love their women.) **Conclusion** Freedom necessitates responsibility and responsibility necessitates authority. Marriage is a business agreement where female freedom is traded in exchange for male protection and provision. Feminism liberated women from the shackles of male authority, but it did not place upon women the corresponding responsibility. There are countless examples of this mindset in every day life. In light of the above, two questions arise: 1. What is the meaning and purpose of marriage in the era of feminism? 2. Is female submission and male authority possible in today’s day and age or is it all nothing but role play? I look forward to your feedback. Cheers!",,18,loneliness-inc,2020-03-03 18:21:24 RedPillWives,fczk13,Thoughts on humility," I guess in every era of humanity, certain characteristics are more pronounced than others, depending on events, cultural beliefs and societal norms, prosperity (or not), available technologies, and surely a whole host of other influential factors. As I move through the years and continue to develop more and more self-awareness, it causes me to reflect on society at large; the environment around me that influences so much of who I am. No matter how individual and self-aware we consider ourselves to be, a substantial percentage of this '*self*' we identify as is a pure result of what we see around us. We are constantly receiving cues from the rest of the herd, and this shapes our behavior and our minds, even if we fancy ourselves *contrarian* in thought and action. The essence of humility seems to come from a place of service. Service to what? It doesn't seem so much as service to some*one* as it does service to some higher ideal. (So, to illustrate what I mean by that, I believe that while **parents** can be a wonderful example of humility, the **higher ideal presupposes the daily acts** of humility). Humility could be a great act of service in the Western world where the prevailing attitudes are abrasive, loud, competitive, and self glorifying. Maybe because they are more rare these days, I find myself taken aback by those who embody gentler characteristics of beauty such as humility, grace, calmness, and sincerity. There is a goodness that shines through if you have eyes to see it and a heart and mind to recognize that kind of quiet and subtle strength. While I'm interested in the outward appearance of humility for its potential ripple effect, I'm more curious about the **inward** experience of humility. What does humility *feel* like? Here are a few things that come to my mind to start me thinking on it more: Humility feels like-- * the opposite of perfectionism * the opposite of self importance  * acceptance of what is rather than resistance * absence of self-righteousness, or perhaps all righteousness * internalization that you are fallible, and so are others * being fixed toward higher ideals and morals; not governed by emotional whims and moods * a mode of listening and receptivity rather than feedback and penetration * lack of criticism Muses of humility? * Taka, the female lead on The Last Samurai movie  * Agafia Lykov, perhaps * ... I'll add to this list as I think more on the topic. I'm interested to hear others input, so please leave a comment if you have thoughts on humility, modern cultures lack of it, or any muses of humility that you can think of.",,7,[deleted],2020-03-03 19:04:35 RedPillWives,f9wnux,Postpartum low sex drive,"My husband and I have been married for 6.5yrs, and we have 2 kids- 1 toddler and 6 month old baby. I suffer from a disease that causes me to keep making kidney stones all the time and I was passing dozens while pregnant and still pass a 1-2 a week (6 months later). The pregnancy made the condition worse, but it's slowly getting better again. I had to have surgery on my kidney 2 months after birth to remove a large obstructive stone. During pregnancy, I experienced severe morning sickness that couldn't be controlled with medication and I ended up in the hospital a few times. Also has mastitis 3x in 2 months.8 Needless to say, i've had a pretty rough year. So, all of this together has basically killed my sex drive. This has really affected my husband. We've barely been intimate in the last year. We used to have sex every other day before I got pregnant to maybe once every week or 2. I let him know it's not personal- but he told me he still feels neglected and is starting to feel resentful. It seems like the stars have to align for us to be intimate- kids are asleep, it's not too late, and I feel healthy and in the mood. I want to be intimate, but it feels like a huge hill I have to climb to get there. Plus, honestly knowing he resents me further kills my mood. I'm not sure how to fix this to meet his needs, but not compromise my wellbeing by pretending to be in the mood. Suggestions are appreciated.",,12,Domestic_Vibrator,2020-02-26 17:23:18 RedPillWives,f7sa2z,"Parenting, Motherhood, Pregnancy Mega-Thread - February 22, 2020","Hello Ladies: Feel free to post your advice, wisdom, or questions relating to all things babies!!! - RPWi's mod team",,5,AutoModerator,2020-02-22 13:04:24 RedPillWives,f73tbi,Help - Getting back in shape post-baby,"Please share what you did to get back in shape after giving birth. My specific questions: Are there exercises other than the vacuum to help mend diastesis recti? At what point can I go back to my pre-baby ab routine without it pulling the diastesis recti back out? What gets rid of that lower tummy pooch? How do I fix loose skin? Please share any post-baby fitness tips you've got!",,8,JaneStuartMill,2020-02-21 01:50:42 RedPillWives,f5vbly,Springtime musings...,"I'm sitting at the table with my coffee enjoying the sun streaming into my kitchen and feeling so happy and content. Spring is coming in my hemisphere and I couldn't be more thrilled for sunshine and warmth. I took the kids to a park with my dear friends yesterday and they wore themselves out bombing down hills on kickboards and the like. Today is a school day/home day where we will be outside until dark doing projects and playing. Tomorrow we will meet different friends at the park. I feel like my life is just on an awesome repeat right now and couldn't be happier. I garden, clean and putter during the mornings and work on projects and socialize in the afternoons. What are your favorite things to do in nice weather? What makes you feel grateful and alive today?",,26,[deleted],2020-02-18 17:28:48 RedPillWives,f4957a,"SHIT POST SATURDAY - February 15, 2020","Hello Ladies: Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. Have fun and let's all laugh together! - RPWi's mod team",,5,AutoModerator,2020-02-15 13:04:30 RedPillWives,f3h01c,"Book on low testosterone in men - I want Sex, He Wants Fries","I know this issue is discussed often -- what to do when your sex drive is higher than your husband's, when he doesn't want sex, when he's not as masculine as he used to be, etc. It's a common problem! I've been dealing with this to some degree and just trying to handle it the Laura Doyle way (with lingerie), but I'm still frustrated. It feels like pressing on the gas pedal repeatedly in a car that is just really low in gas. It definitely does something, but it's not like we are going at full speed. I decided to go ahead and read I Want Sex, He Wants Fries, and I feel so relieved! It's like I have a sister there walking me through this issue and telling me what to do (since I can't talk to my friends about this). It's a solvable problem! We can start getting tests through walk-in labs regularly (even without a doctor ordering them, since that step can slow things down or be unnecessarily problematic). Idk what the next step is after that but I feel great seeing that there are steps to take. My husband has already had a low T result (even compared to the reference range where ""normal"" can be low) in the past but we never followed up on it. On a related note- -- red light therapy applied to the testicles can be really good for increasing testosterone! See Ben Greenfield, Joovv, etc. It's a possible first line treatment to try before taking actual supplemental testosterone. Just posting this in case it encourages other women; please don't criticize me for trying an approach other than just being sensual/sexy or sublimating my sex drive.",,33,rosebyanyothername1,2020-02-13 21:14:04 RedPillWives,f1bboj,Identity Crisis 2020,"I apologize in advance for this, as it will likely be a long one. Buckle up. TLDR at the end. Where to begin? I don’t really have anyone else aside from my therapist to talk to about all this, so here’s a fair warning of the possible verbal diarrhea that may ensue. I am 31, have been married for 5 years, and have been working as a public school teacher for nearly a decade. Background: I grew up the oldest of 4 to a single mother (who went on to have one more after I left the house at 18). I learned responsibility at a young age, seeing my mom struggle to make ends meet, standing in the welfare line with her, taking care of my siblings while she was at work, seeing the electricity get cut off when the bills didn’t get paid, along with other “fun” experiences I do not wish upon my future children. I graduated high school at 15, started working to help my mom pay the bills, got scholarships to get me through college, and graduated with honors and a teaching credential by age 20... which was when the economy collapsed in 2008, and the teaching profession was purging educators. Economic insecurity is woven into the fabric of my life. What I didn’t know while I was going through all of that was that it wasn’t a normal childhood. I was also unaware that my mother had purposefully put herself in the many situations that got her there. She has undiagnosed borderline personality disorder. She married my father a month after meeting him, and used sex and her children as weapons against him until they divorced after 10 years. (Not to mention knowing he had a drug and alcohol problem, she kept having babies!) She slept with married men, quit jobs as easily as changing her socks, and bounced us around to over 15 different homes in my childhood, far away from any other family members or friends. This drove me to unconsciously seek others with BPD, with whom I would enter into abusive and unstable relationships. I spent the beginning of my adulthood locked in a 5-year relationship with a narcissist who constantly lost his job and spent money frivolously. It was up to me to make sure ends were met and food was on the table. All of these experiences left me embittered, though not toward my mother or the other BPD women in her family. I was angry at men. At the patriarchy. To top it off, the public teaching profession left me angry and frustrated with conservative values and the system at large. It was up to us feminist women to burst through the patriarchal walls! SAHMs were laughable to me, stupid and feeble-minded woman who had nothing else to offer but their wombs. I proclaimed to myself that I would NEVER rely on any MAN to provide for me; after all, I am a strong and independent woman!!!! I met my husband (34M) in the wake of my ex cheating on me and marrying the girl after 2 months. I was in the “having fun” phase after the melancholy of grieving a 5-year relationship was done. Don’t get me wrong; I didn’t rack up a “body count”, but rather I was just flirty and young and carefree. This attracted my Captain right away. I was feminine and cheerful and full of life! We were smitten, I the feisty liberal and he the fun-loving conservative. Marriage for us came with its bumps and hardships. He wasn’t working and had several health issues (a hidden drug addiction that masked his bipolar II and fibromyalgia, a car accident that exacerbated this, and low T to top it all off), and I was left to support us both. I became resentful and would do things like only do my laundry or only wash my dishes. I had also started my first teaching job about a year before we got married, and the indoctrination was in full force. She-Woman Man-Haters unite! All of my friends were single, and ragging on men was a given. My husband became the enemy and my job basically became my life. My home was a crash pad for me, where I charged up my mental battery for work. I had no hobbies, no interests, nothing I pursued when I came home. Well, about 2 years ago, my husband started showing marked improvements after working hard on himself. The impetus for him was me telling him I would not have children with him as things stood. My “red-pilling” came about almost a year ago, when my husband was at the end of his rope with me. Our house was a constant mess, I was a constant emotional mess, and our relationship was in shambles. I was spinning too many plates with going to grad school twice a week and working as a consultant in the district office, out of the classroom, mentoring teachers, running community events. He threatened to leave me, as I was a miserable person from whom he really wasn’t getting anything anymore. This snapped me out of it and I began digging full force into myself to become a better wife. However, the influence of being in the public school system, drowning in negative attitudes that put down and devalue good, strong and stable homes still takes its toll on me and on our relationship. My husband is now successful at work and is making as much as I am. After discussing it at length, we’ve decided that I will quit my job at the end of this year to focus on our family. We have been actively trying to start our family for over a year, and the added hardship of the medical complications has made the process stressful and disheartening. Our next step is IVF, and we want to put our full efforts toward building our family. Here’s the rub: I haven’t told anyone. I have intense anxiety about relying on someone else for my livelihood, as that has not been the case for me my entire life. My identity as an independent, strong woman has always been predicated on me supporting myself and making my own way. I’m also afraid of how my family, his family, and my friends will look at me and my pivot toward traditionalism. I feel that my maternal family, the founding chapter of the She-Woman Man-Haters Club™, will look down on me and tell me I’m stupid for relying on a man. They’ll imply I’m lazy and will one day be screwed over. My in-laws may think I’m taking advantage of their son, at least as long as I am not pregnant with their grandchild. They are typically very supportive of us, but they always brag about me and how great of a teacher I am to everyone; their pride in me makes me ashamed to admit to them that I’m quitting. There is also my grandfather on my dad’s side (my dad died of cirrhosis 5 years ago, but my grandpa has always been there for me). He, a decorated veteran and civil servant, has always taken pride in my work ethic, and I fear that I will let him down by staying at home. Phew. That was a lot. I’m open to any and all comments, suggestions, rebukes, etc. I really don’t want to feel ashamed to become a traditional wife, but I do. tl;dr - Recently red-pilled public school teacher is having an identity crisis as she decides to leave the profession for a more traditional life, seeks advice from supportive online community.",,15,foxy_heterodoxy,2020-02-09 16:55:59 RedPillWives,exrbt6,"Full-time working Red Pill Wives & Moms, How do you keep going, doing it all and not resenting your husband?","Full-time working Red Pill Wives & Moms, How do you keep going, doing it all and not resenting your husband? I discovered Red Pill about 4 years and one baby into my marriage. I am a full time working mother and wife and my career is dependent on our financial security & health insurance for the family. I am not so far removed from Red Pill Culture as my family and I are Christian and we celebrate Christian Marriage which holds traditional values. My whole marriage I knew there were unspoken gender roles & sub-conscious expectations of me because I am the wife. I fought this with tooth and nail. Finding excuses for myself, that his mother did not raise him better, that the patriarchal society we are in needs to change and men need to step it up. Well after a year or so of seeing that he literally cannot change no matter how nicely I ask him, how much I nag, etc. etc. I finally gave into submission. Ironically, that is when I came across Red Pill Women. RPW was like a breath of fresh air. To find a community of women who acknowledge our God given roles and have strategies to embrace them was very validating and encouraging, enabling me to keep pursuing my husband. I would say this has been going on for the last few months. My husband has never been calmer around me. He loves when I pamper him with sex, cooking, taking charge of keeping the house. Mind you, ALL of the same things I was doing BEFORE I found Red Pill Women, but the difference being, I have done all with little to no expectations of him, and that has been trans-formative. Well after the high of finding RPW I am finding myself at a bit of a decline. The dust is settling and I am still unhappy. There are several things that unfortunately I feel powerless over, even though I know my husband needs me as his right-hand, and I am the best nurturer of the household. As I mentioned before, I am a full time working mother and wife and my career is dependent on our financial security & health insurance for the family. So this comes at a huge cost to being the best wife and mother to our family. Friday for example, I was so sick with the flu & still had to go into work. Meanwhile my daughter got sent home from daycare, my husband will not take off to care for her from his job, and I have done so many times to the point that my boss makes remarks about it. I had no option other than to bring her into my job on Friday so I wouldn’t have to be excused for the day, meanwhile, I’m disgustingly sick from the flu to the point I threw up in my office. This is one extreme example, but the working while sick has happened many many times, but responsibilities still ensue and at the same time none of my own needs are being met. I cannot possibly keep up this lifestyle with no help on my end. My question is, in my unique situation, what needs of my own can I expect my husband to meet for me? I really have a few none of them are selfish. I have communicated them to my husband, but as a husband he really needs my help and I have to gently remind him, but how many times do I do so before resenting him? One of my needs is that I need 6+ hours of alone time in the house: 1 x a month on a weekend day. I do this regularly and often for my husband by taking trips up to my mothers house with my baby and spending the night so that I can get help with my daughter and she can get time with her grandmother. I am pretty annoyed at the circumstances of everything and feel defeated knowing what my husbands needs and knowing I cannot provide that for him since I am stuck expending all of my energy all week into a job. Also knowing that I will never find rest for this. My husband is also a home body so in order for me to get a break away, I need to leave the house, which is stressful for me and lasts an hour or so. I gave him suggestions on leaving the house, like spending a day at his parents house which is less than 20 mins away from us, so he’s not void out of options. For the record, knowing my husband, this is not worth a conversation about me being a stay at home mom. Those are plans for the future when we have more financial security. How do you keep going doing it all and not resenting your husband?",,15,[deleted],2020-02-02 16:59:34 RedPillWives,exjwiu,Tips for finding RPW IRL?,"(also posted to r/redpillwomen but curious for additional answers!) I’m 25F and I’m wondering how to find RPW or like-minded in real life. I love the idea of meeting up with women who share similar ideas on femininity and gender roles. It would be cute to, for example, meet up for coffee once a week for a little catch up chat. Or have little lunch parties. Or bake for each other during the holidays. Or exchange holiday cards etc. Some ideas I’ve heard in the Red Pill Women subreddit: cooking/sewing/crafting groups, book clubs, Junior League, etc. I figure that a lot of RPW/like-minded women would be found in religious circles, since RPW and some religions tend to share similar values. I myself happen to not be a person of faith, however, so maybe some ideas of how to find RPW IRL without necessarily joining a church group? (Also not interested in joining a religion!) In addition to that: Have any of you met RPW IRL? If so, how did you meet? What sort of activities do you do? Thanks in advance! :)",,17,phoenixtycho,2020-02-02 05:50:54 RedPillWives,exk80e,Babies or back to school?,"How old are you (and how old is your partner) and how familiar are you with RPW? I am 21F, my husband is 29M. I've lurked here as well as RedPillWomen for two years and change. What is your relationship status? Married seven months, together a total of four years (all legal! We met just after I turned 18.) What is the problem? (Don’t badmouth your SO!) I have had my LPN license for a year and a half and been out of school that long. My grandmother said she will pay for my schooling to complete my BSN (two year program). Husband wants to have babies first and have me go back to school when first baby is 6mo+ and before 2nd baby. I am torn! My mother is pushing me to go back to school right now. It is important to note she raised my five siblings and I on a single income, alone, and it was very hard for her. She worked and went to school all through our childhoods, we didn't see her much, but we were always fed and clothed. She now has her PhD. We have been trying for a baby since September, got pregnant right away then and miscarried in November. I think if we hadn't had the miscarriage it would be easy to go back to school now, but we feel the lack of pregnancy acutely right now. Husband makes just under 80k/yr while I make about 35k/yr. Our house has three years of mortgage payments left and our vehicles are paid off. With a BSN I could increase my pay considerably- around $10/hr more. Husband wants to me stay at home with the babies and home school through grade school and work PRN/maybe part time. How have you contributed to the problem? I have been indecisive and struggling to follow my spouse's lead. How long has this been an issue? I received my acceptance letter to the BSN program last week, to start this fall. We either need to use protection and go to school or decline the program for now. I know I could not handle clinicals whole pregnant/having a baby during the program. What have you done to resolve this problem? Worried? I've voiced my concerns to my husband, prayed for guidance, and still feel unsure. I applied to the program to see how much transfer credit I would get and my previous college classes cut my remaining credits to graduate in half. I am not going to get a better transfer deal at another university and I am afraid this deal will pass me up. TL;DR Husband and I are stable, happy, and want to have kids. Do I go back to school now and postpone kids or vice versa? Husband said he does want me to get my BSN (eventually!) so I will have a more enjoyable job 10, 15 years down the road.",,2,[deleted],2020-02-02 06:19:57 RedPillWives,ex5v2b,"Simple Questions - February 01, 2020","Hello Ladies: Ask any question that doesn’t require its own post! Subreddit [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/wiki/rules) still apply but the range of acceptable subjects is wider. Anyone can ask, and anyone can answer! Be sure to check for new comments periodically :) - RPWi's mod team",,2,AutoModerator,2020-02-01 13:05:25 RedPillWives,ewikf3,Help. I hate cleaning,"I hate cleaning and I’m not good at it. My husband loves things clean and I try but its very hard for me. I stay at home with our infant and he works. He’s very helpful and is also very good at cleaning snd enjoys maintaining things so will happily help but we both believe the managing of the home is the woman’s job. Any tips on cleaning and or scheduling maintaining a home. I always wanted to stay at home after having kids but i am really struggling to juggle it all- esp the cleaning thing",,13,damegolda,2020-01-31 04:08:46 RedPillWives,euxx54,Livestream Schedule,"Updated to reflect some changes... [The Red Pill of Finance](https://www.youtube.com/theredpilloffinance/?sub_confirmation=1) hosts a live call-in show related to personal finance, investing, and entrepreneurship Mondays and Thursdays at 7pm. [The Red Pill](https://www.youtube.com/theredpillmedia/?sub_confirmation=1) hosts a live call-in show on Sundays at 10am that's largely for Q&A related to game, LTRs, and the core red pill topics. Women are welcome to join in on both shows. Starting March 4th the main TRP channel will also be hosting a show specifically for Red Pill Women and Wives with one of your very own. All times Eastern Standard Time. ---- We are still seeking hosts for the main channel as we fill out the schedule of shows. Currently looking for the following: * Fitness Expert to co-host ""Training Tuesdays"" * 1 more Red Pill woman/wife to co-host ""Women Wednesdays"" Contact /u/bsutansalt if interested.",,5,TheRedPillFinance,2020-01-28 01:00:46 RedPillWives,etqj3w,"Parenting, Motherhood, Pregnancy Mega-Thread - January 25, 2020","Hello Ladies: Feel free to post your advice, wisdom, or questions relating to all things babies!!! - RPWi's mod team",,3,AutoModerator,2020-01-25 13:04:22 RedPillWives,ern4f5,Turned our extra day together around!,"Hi everyone! Just a rant about how using what I’ve read from lurking (I keep forgetting to switch accounts to comment and by the time I do, I can’t find the post anymore!) has changed my marriage. I’ve been following some of the common advice from this sub and as a result we’re having much more fun together and feeling much more comfortable with each other like before birth control killed my ability to be a human being. Today he seemed a bit quiet and distant, which made me tense and anxious. He told me twice he was just tired, but I wasn’t sure. We went to see my parents (5-minute drive away), and went home an hour before he needed to work so he could relax for a bit. While he did his thing, I decided to do Wifey things, so I made him a sandwich, put our sheets in the dryer, did dishes, cleaned our kitchen, and folded 2 baskets of laundry. Right before he left, he looked at the nicely folded laundry, the wiped countertops, and the empty sink, and not only visibly relaxed, but smiled and thanked me for Doing Stuff. Normally a day that started like this would’ve ended in tears and an argument. But I think showing that I’m a good partner and wife helped relieve some of that pressure for both of us. Yay!",,38,garbage399,2020-01-21 01:14:11 RedPillWives,eq4atp,Why I submit to my husband like it's 1959,,https://www.bbc.com/news/av/stories-51113371/submitting-to-my-husband-like-it-s-1959-why-i-became-a-tradwife,62,[deleted],2020-01-17 18:30:03 RedPillWives,eqg5e1,"SHIT POST SATURDAY - January 18, 2020","Hello Ladies: Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. Have fun and let's all laugh together! - RPWi's mod team",,1,AutoModerator,2020-01-18 13:04:21 RedPillWives,eoemfs,Why not celebrate Little Christmas?,,https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Little_Christmas,4,teaandtalk,2020-01-14 02:17:26 RedPillWives,en1uoa,Scared to have kids?,"Since I was a child I've had the dream of getting married and starting a family. However, in the last 5 years I've spent a lot of time looking after other people's children, and I think it might have scared me off! I worked at a preschool, and I also worked as a live-in nanny for two years, taking care of a toddler and later on a baby for 10 hours a day, five days a week. And that's just the beginning. Thinking of having kids just makes me shudder now, where it used to be this beautiful dream. Sometimes I feel like it requires a certain amount of naivety to have kids. If all women spent as much time taking care of children as I did, many might avoid it. Any advice on how to cope with these feelings? I still want marriage and a family, but it doesn't look as rosy as it used to.",,18,lucidangevin,2020-01-11 03:04:56 RedPillWives,ekfmmw,My husband said he didn’t want kids.,"I’m 28, he’s 32. When we got married we discussed having children when I was 31. Ever since getting married (2 years ago) the timeline for that keeps getting pushed out more and more. Next he was saying “in 10 years” I’d be 38. He couldn’t explain why...originally it was finances but we will be financially stable within a few years. Then, the other day he woke up and said getting a vasectomy was on his New Years resolution list and that he didn’t want kids. I was completely stunned and didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t stoked on having kids anytime soon, but now I feel like the decision is being taken away from me. How should I go about this?",,30,boop_my_nose_,2020-01-05 17:02:21 RedPillWives,ejweq5,"Simple Questions - January 04, 2020","Hello Ladies: Ask any question that doesn’t require its own post! Subreddit [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/wiki/rules) still apply but the range of acceptable subjects is wider. Anyone can ask, and anyone can answer! Be sure to check for new comments periodically :) - RPWi's mod team",,7,AutoModerator,2020-01-04 13:04:29 RedPillWives,ei76bp,Red Pill Resolutions!,Hi ladies! I’m relatively new to the Red Pill world and am curious if any of you will be making Red Pill oriented resolutions for 2020. Particularly those resolutions focused on enhancing your marriage. Cheers!,,11,caitmckinzie,2019-12-31 19:00:55 RedPillWives,egqj56,"Parenting, Motherhood, Pregnancy Mega-Thread - December 28, 2019","Hello Ladies: Feel free to post your advice, wisdom, or questions relating to all things babies!!! - RPWi's mod team",,7,AutoModerator,2019-12-28 13:04:37 RedPillWives,egg27v,How do you handle those in your life that haven't been Red Pilled?,"Hi! I'm relatively new to TRP community, but only in the manner that I finally know what to call it. I'm 24F, in an LTR with a man (27M) who has a pretty intense backstory on why he swallowed TRP. He has CPTSD (PTSD formed because of his previous long-term romantic relationships) and has openly talked about it and how he has self-sabotaged our relationship because of it, but only in retrospect. Because of this, I have been pulled back and forth quite a bit by my love for him, and the concern of my friends and family. I consider myself a very understanding person, and open-minded. I have experienced a lot, but maybe not to the same extent others have, although it allows for me to empathizewith almost everyone. My boyfriend introduced me to self-actualization and enlightenment, which generally works well with TRP mentality as well as the growth I have been looking for, but didn't even know where to start. Those that I open up to in a lot of ways, have told me how they don't like him, even my mother begged me not to bring him to Family Christmas this year (to limit the drama coming from the rest of the family-they're pretty much all closed-minded, hot-headed, and very opinionated). It seems that only a select few of my friends have understood where I'm coming from and why I not only love him, but keep him in my life when I'm not always treated the greatest. I don't know how to explain to those that don't understand why I stay with him in a way that puts him in a good light because they are all convinced that he's not good for me (mainly because he is quite open about his TRP status and his beliefs/standings, which I am too so I am even more confused and conflicted). My major in college was Communication, I have rarely struggled with how to communicate with those I love, until now.. My questions is how do you work with the people in your lives who aren't very supportive, besides cutting them out or distancing yourself too much? These people are my family, and until now have been nothing but supportive in my life decisions, even if stern and strict on the forefront. My boyfriend and I have talked about marriage (quite extensively) and raising a family together. It's ultimately my biggest dream to be a wife and a mother, and I can picture it with him, but they don't, and it seems they are trying to take that vision away from me simply because they don't",,3,KaylaLynnDon,2019-12-27 20:03:10 RedPillWives,edpp2m,"SHIT POST SATURDAY - December 21, 2019","Hello Ladies: Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. Have fun and let's all laugh together! - RPWi's mod team",,1,AutoModerator,2019-12-21 13:04:21 RedPillWives,ec0rui,newly married and newly red pilled!,"hi ladies! I want to start out by saying I do know some things about red pill beliefs in general, I’ve just recently found this subreddit/other groups like this for women in particular. previously I just thought that this was a belief system for supporting men being men in their natural way, which is great, but I was wondering where help/guidance for women came into the picture. so I’m in completely new territory, and really excited. anyway, I got married in August, and it’s been amazing. I love my husband more than anything, and being married is such a unique and special feeling. I’m starting to realize it feels a lot different than dating or being engaged, because it is. things are serious now, like the game is in final mode. and I’ve decided I want to start making our house feel like a home, and the two of us feel like a family, before kids even enter the picture. I think if that foundation is already set and sure it will just be more secure as we build our lives together. so I guess what I’m wondering now, in my beginning steps here and in my marriage, what are things I can start doing to support my husband and make him feel constantly supported? I do want to work on a gym routine and skin care routine so I don’t start lacking in those areas right after the wedding, aside from making sure meals are ready and the place is tidy what else can I do? tl;dr: super excited to have found red pill women, I got married a few months ago and need some tips on how to be a supportive devoted wife!",,24,lunasretrograde,2019-12-17 19:42:29 RedPillWives,e7zahe,How honest is too honest?,"I've been into RPW for about 6 months now, though about a month into nun mode. This is a theoretical question, but I'd be happy to answer the obligatory advice questions if the mods feel it's necessary. 20F for reference. My question is this: when you are dating a guy, how forthcoming should you be about your desires for the future? I'm working now, but I want to be a stay at home wife eventually. That said, I don't want to mislead a guy by saying I plan on a career in XYZ when my intentions are different. However, I don't want to scare anyone off by the admission of my real goals. I grew up quite traditional, so I'm not sure how realistic my expectations are . Where I live, becoming a stay at home wife/mother right out of college is seen as a lazy/moneygrubbing kind of thing, even if someone is very productive and hardworking. Do you have any experience with this? What should I say when people ask about my plans for the future?",,21,AnElaborateHoax,2019-12-08 20:53:09 RedPillWives,e7e2om,"Simple Questions - December 07, 2019","Hello Ladies: Ask any question that doesn’t require its own post! Subreddit [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/wiki/rules) still apply but the range of acceptable subjects is wider. Anyone can ask, and anyone can answer! Be sure to check for new comments periodically :) - RPWi's mod team",,1,AutoModerator,2019-12-07 13:04:44 RedPillWives,e75m6g,Why he doesn't talk to me one-one?,"Hello, I'm a college student and trying to improve my feminine side from the first year until now. I am happy to say that I managed to lose weight, grow my hair, learned how to do make up, now I dress more femininly, smile more and I'm still working on receiving and be more open personality wise. Given that, I think I can say that also because of what I wrote, this semester I've had the opportunity to meet new men and it was interesting since I only knew 2 in total. I got to know a very nice guy since we worked together for a group project and I think we had a nice time laughing and working together, but the problem is that he never tried to talk to me one-one besides the group meetings. I thought we also was interested in knowing me better, but he always stays with his group of friends which I don't know (except for one) and I am not the kind of girl to do the first move... My friend says that it doesn't seem that I like him so that's why he may be not doing anything as I should me more flirty in her opinion. I don't know how though.... What do you think? In a situation like this, should I try to talk to me whenever I have the chance or should I just give up since he didn't do any move yet? Maybe I'm just nice but not that good looking to make him interested in me? By the way, the class we had in common this semester ended and I don't know if we'll do another together...",,6,lamponerosso,2019-12-06 22:26:55 RedPillWives,e6t4qx,Advice for finding a non-leftist therapist for husband,"Hi everyone, I'm hopeful that someone here will have some advice. My husband and I live in Connecticut, and as we both have ""classical liberal""/conservative-leaning values, sometimes living in this area of the country it's easy to feel like the odd ones out. He told me today he's thinking about trying to find a new therapist, since his is fairly left-leaning and it can make it hard to have a productive conversation because they both just have such different world views and values. Anyone have advice about locating a therapist like this? It's obviously kind of a crapshoot, especially because the mental health field so attracts people on the left. Hope this makes sense, and thanks for any advice.",,15,FuckReddit8567,2019-12-06 03:48:13 RedPillWives,e3gyjk,Cute vintage homemaking book,"Hi guys! I’ve been a longtime “lurker” here and finally getting to leaving comments! Anyway, I wanted to share a cute book I found, Vintage Course in Homemaking by Abigail Bryce for the kindle (or free kindle app, which is how I read). It’s an actual homemaking course from the 1930s(I think?) and a cool glimpse into how things were done back then in regards to homemaking. I can’t stop reading it. Anyway, enjoy! I always love reading in the quiet days after Thanksgiving. God bless!",,10,sahmnyc,2019-11-29 16:32:18 RedPillWives,e1e9g7,Don't shoot your side of the canoe,,http://loydwalker.com/dont-shoot-your-side-of-the-canoe/,19,RedPillWonder,2019-11-25 10:33:33 RedPillWives,e0hlcv,"Parenting, Motherhood, Pregnancy Mega-Thread - November 23, 2019","Hello Ladies: Feel free to post your advice, wisdom, or questions relating to all things babies!!! - RPWi's mod team",,4,AutoModerator,2019-11-23 13:04:35 RedPillWives,dydhrb,Redpill woman wants to be future wife but is struggling and needs womanly guidance,"Hello I’m a 24 year old woman, contemplating my future. I’ve always wanted to get married and have children well some part of me. before this point I was scared and kind of didn’t want any. For health reasons, my upbringing and worrying if I’d parent my kid the way my mother parented me as well as seeing her relationship with men. I’ve recently posted a couple of post in the redpill community about being alpha widowed by the man I was in love with, it’s been 4 years since that break up and I find that this relationship and the one with my mother makes it really hard to move forward with anyone else. Even the fact that I need to move on from him I’ve been very stubborn about. I recently started dating someone I didn’t think I would I’ve actually known him for a while but our relationship has become deeper, I’ve had a stint with a couple of dating the wrong men (in compatibility) after my ex but with this guy it’s kind of different, I really like him he seems to like me too but I still feel like it’s going to all fall apart and I still feel the sadness after being alpha widowed, depression has been a thing I’ve been facing for a while. I realized that I’m getting older and time is passing by, my ex hasn’t made any attempt to return in my life, and my biggest fear is settling or letting my loneliness and biological clock drag me into something, that could fall apart in the future. Don’t get me wrong this new guy is great I haven’t had feelings like these in a while, but as I realize I’m trying to move away from the fwb/situationship lifestyle and looking to have something serious I’ve always wanted to get married but now I’m getting scared of it it’s actually something I’ve always wanted but again my insecurities caused me to settle. And when I did find someone I kind let my demons ruin that I chalk it up to my ego and being too young. Is there any advice you can give, this relationship makes me nervous it reminds me of what it felt like to be with my alpha, but this time I’m realizing the weight of life, again I’m really scared things are gonna blow up. I’m also scared that it’ll be another situationship we’re not really official yet. I’m afraid that I’ll waste time not building the life I’d hope to. While also having the ghost of my last alpha in the back of my mind. How should I go about this ?",,12,Kissingstrangers-,2019-11-19 01:49:09 RedPillWives,dx6nsn,"SHIT POST SATURDAY - November 16, 2019","Hello Ladies: Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. Have fun and let's all laugh together! - RPWi's mod team",,4,AutoModerator,2019-11-16 13:04:23 RedPillWives,dsp7z5,Thoughts?,,https://i.redd.it/7xl5u8gwp5x31.png,14,CultistHeadpiece,2019-11-07 00:14:54 RedPillWives,dqnwg1,Celebrating those amazing women!,"This is the time to remember noteworthy people. My great - grandmother raised my grandfather and his siblings in times of war, poverty and dire circumstances. She worked outside her home in a hard, physical job, she did not want a career, she wanted her family to survive. Her Husband was traumatized by his war contribution and imprisonment in one of the most horrendous American /Allied prison camps. Yesterday they showed a documentation about the Krupps. I was blown away by the strong women who made their Husbands success possible by providing the home, an air of calm and raising the children. There were also some smart decisions made by them that influenced their Husbands/Sons success directly. which women inspire you? Who does deserve special mention for their deeds?",,17,[deleted],2019-11-02 18:05:16 RedPillWives,dqjvea,"Simple Questions - November 02, 2019","Hello Ladies: Ask any question that doesn’t require its own post! Subreddit [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/wiki/rules) still apply but the range of acceptable subjects is wider. Anyone can ask, and anyone can answer! Be sure to check for new comments periodically :) - RPWi's mod team",,2,AutoModerator,2019-11-02 13:04:16 RedPillWives,do7pfd,Ways to inspire leadership in your man?,"Hello! Longtime lurker, new poster! Sorry for grammatical issues or if this doesn’t read correctly, English is not my first language :) I’m a 25F married to an incredible 28M after 6 years, and we are just about to celebrate our first anniversary! I moved to the United States for him (I’m French) and our marriage is going well. He treats me right, he works hard, and we’re planning on a baby. We’re about to buy a house and everything is quite harmonious, except for the fact that I don’t feel that my husband is a traditional, manly sort of man... at least, not as much as he could be? He’s a staunch defender of both me and of family values (we’re pretty conservative) but he grew up in a largely critical and unsupportive family himself, and I feel that stunted him. Despite his successes and assertive disposition at work, he is always asking me for advice or reassurance on little things in the home. Everything that goes through his head is usually a good idea and I tell him so, I say I agree, but he seems averse to making decisions without me expressly saying I want it too. Don’t get me wrong, I’m flattered that he wants my advice concerning big changes (moves, buying big items, ect) but sometimes I wouldn’t mind if he had his hands on the wheel more and I followed and supported him more! I guess I am saying I want to inspire more masculinity/leadership in him but am not sure how! He’s not a bad or weak person by any means, but I was not very good at submitting/following him early in our relationship and I think it might have poisoned the well. Is there any hope? Any advice would be helpful! Thank you, friends!",,45,gildheart,2019-10-28 11:45:58 RedPillWives,dndleu,"Parenting, Motherhood, Pregnancy Mega-Thread - October 26, 2019","Hello Ladies: Feel free to post your advice, wisdom, or questions relating to all things babies!!! - RPWi's mod team",,4,AutoModerator,2019-10-26 13:04:16 RedPillWives,dlex22,6 year LTR-should I stay?,"Hi everyone, I posted in the redpill women sub about 9 months ago and got some great advice. Unfortunately I’m still finding myself needing more help. I’ve spent the time since reading here and elsewhere. That post is in my history and could provide some background if by some miracle you want to read even more of my rambling! Basic Qs are at the bottom. I have been with my boyfriend a long time, and lived together most of our relationship. We have always discussed wanting kids, wanting to live near my family, etc and have the same goals. Money is an issue because while he is successful, his job is a bit “slow burn” and there will be time before he is stable. I have supported him strongly through his career development. A year and a half ago I moved to a foreign country to keep doing so and sacrificed my own career for that. Lots of details on that in my last post, but I wanted to include it here too. In retrospect I shouldn’t have moved with him before I was married, but what’s done is done. 9 months ago I was tired of feeling like I’d sacrificed everything and still didn’t have a timeline and felt like he was comfortable coasting. I talked with him on the advice I got previously and he was taken aback but understood and was on board. He said he hadn’t proposed because he didn’t feel like we were fully happy here. I said I understood and that was true but to me were already past that honeymoon point and dealing with the lows together is part of marriage and commitment. Me being unhappy was mostly because I felt like I was giving lots without getting that commitment. He agreed. We agreed to revisit it in august (our anniversary and the point we’d been here for a year). Over multiple future talks I thought he was indicating he was feeling ready. He told me he had family rings, and hinted he wanted it to be a surprise. I’ve been convinced he was going to propose multiple times over romantic vacations and family meet ups. In this time I’ve also been focused on trying to improve our communication and relationship. Therapy wasn’t really an option in our language because of living in a foreign country, but we read the Love Languages book and discussed together and were working through 8 Dates which I think is fantastic. I thought we were on the same page. I also spent this time trying to be happier in this country. I trained and ran a marathon. I worked on having less anxiety. I fought for and got a raise at work. I’ve tried to complain less. August came and went with him not bringing it up, but I didn’t want to nag and I know he’s going through a ton at work. I reached the end of my rope yesterday after a little tiff and I asked him again where his feelings were and he said almost exactly the same thing he said to me 9 months ago. He’s happy but feels like there’s problems and he’s not REALLY happy, wants to propose when we are etc. I felt totally blindsided. I told him we’ve had multiple talks about commitment and our relationship and I’ve asked him repeatedly about his hopes and dreams and he’s never brought up concerns. Then 15 mins later when I’m sobbing he says he “just hasn’t gotten around to it”. He just kept going back and forth and I am so confused and heartbroken. I told him I wanted someone who loved me fiercely, who was sure, and who would fight for me. I feel like a fool because I really thought we were on the same page. I told him I needed time to think about it and then this morning he said he thought all night about how he’d be lonely without me, but he still couldn’t just tell me what he wants. He never came out and said please stay or I love you until I asked him why he hadn’t. He said he hoped I would stay and figure this out with him and give him more time. I think 6 years is enough time. I understand that the passion has faded, which I think is natural, but maybe it’s affecting him more. I think honestly if we’d been married I wouldn’t be thinking twice, but now I feel I’ve fought so hard I won’t even be sure any proposal would be genuine I’d just feel I pressured him into it. I love him, but I feel worn out and tired and like I can’t give any more. I think he’d be a great dad and husband. We share dreams. I’m just not sure he’s at where I’m at, and I don’t know how to make this decision. I’m sorry this is a big ramble. I’m probably incoherent. I wish I could turn back time and not come here, not leave my life behind for him, but I can’t. I don’t know if it’s hypergamy or real that I’m thinking I want a partner who’s sure and definite. Basic questions: How old are you (and how old is your partner) and how familiar are you with RPW? 28/30 What is your relationship status? LTR of 6 years, cohabiting for 5 years What is the problem? (Don’t badmouth your SO!) see above, but essentially I’m at a breaking point where I need to decide to stay or go. How have you contributed to the problem? I haven’t been as respectful as I ought to be all of the time, and I’ve let my unhappiness with the relationship affect our bedroom life. How long has this been an issue? Over a year, but come to a peak recently. Unsure honestly. What have you done to resolve this problem? Tried talking to him after feeling like I was at a breaking point. Tried to be happier/worked on myself. If married or in a committed, monogamous relationship: How long have you been together? 6 yrs Is your relationship long-distance? No Do you have an active bedroom life? Used to, but the passion fading is part of my issue. I still make an effort. The sex is present but very vanilla and not as frequent or exciting as it once was.",,18,redchoices,2019-10-22 08:24:33 RedPillWives,dkidg1,What would you choose? Hypergamy.,"Long story short, I've been with my highschool sweetheart for almost 10 years now. We live together in one of my parents apartments, he ears a salary that is slightly above average household income for my country (which is still not very much) and he pays all the bills, he gives me almost all his wage on payday. We love each other, we've been through a lot, I know he would give his life or me. He is in a job that has decent potential for raises, he could end up with a wage 3 times of what it is now, We are not still married because the financial situation doesn't allow it. Well I've been recently listening to SheRaSeven's videos, and I've been restless ever since. I've resumed contact with a sugar daddy of mine from highschool and he asked me to marry him. He's a millionaire, has a factory, a ship, earns at least $500 000 a year and we were getting along fine. Obviously I do not have romantic feelings for him, but he's funny and I feel at ease around him. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place and feel that whatever I would choose I will still be unhappy. Please give some third opinion on my situation.",,0,pink_sugar_,2019-10-20 11:21:13 RedPillWives,dk3hzz,"SHIT POST SATURDAY - October 19, 2019","Hello Ladies: Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. Have fun and let's all laugh together! - RPWi's mod team",,1,AutoModerator,2019-10-19 13:04:15 RedPillWives,djtksk,How To Be Gentle - elegantwoman.org,,https://elegantwoman.org/how-to-be-gentle,16,[deleted],2019-10-18 20:45:08 RedPillWives,dgtbd2,Help me think rationally,"I’m getting married next year and idk if this is cold feet or what but I’m anxious and afraid of the future. I’ll my concerns simple... My fiancé is an awesome person.., kind, calm and never judgmental but I just don’t know where his head is at because he just doesn’t speak much. The goal is to buy a house next year in an area with decent schools and eventually have kids yet his bank account cannot support this and the lack of any benefits at his job also disagree. This year he was working towards trying to get a new job. He though he was going to get hired because he regularly plays golf with the manager and one of the staff there. He didn’t get the job because they gave it to an internal employee. This was the first job at age 35 that he actually interviewed for since all his past jobs have been given to him through connections. He has stopped looking for work because, “That’s the job he wanted.” In my mind I think, who the hell are you? You’re applying for an entry level position. You need to work and move up the ranks. But I digress. I’m tired of the weed smoking. Like stop you’re too old for this. Like I said its mostly the motivation and job thing that worries me. I’m afraid of putting myself in an ultra vulnerable position with kids and a house and being the breadwinner because I grew up in a single parent home where I rarely ever saw my mother because she was out working. I don’t want to repeat the same things with my kids. I’m thinking about confronting him and telling asking him what he plans to do because I’m not marrying someone who going to make my life harder than what it unnecessarily needs to be. If he’s comfortable with the status quo, just be clear with me and maybe I can get the hell out before things get more complicated. Am I nuts? Call me out if I am. And I did just read the surrendered wife I’m happy to apply it but I just don’t know how in this situation.",,4,Lina4950,2019-10-12 10:17:50 RedPillWives,dedwly,"2nd wave feminism better without Dworkin, Daly, Steinam and Solanas?","I'm aware I'm asking this on a bias sub reddit, but that doesn't matter to me since there aren't a lot of subs that will accept this submission. Heads up, I'm not a red pill man or 100% anti-feminist. I just acknowledge that the majority of women in the feminists movement are marxists or incel like women who hate all men based on the Y chromosome alone and not how individual men behave. I have a brain, I am not susceptible to cockroach mentalities that liberals and conservatives fall to easily. The women I mentioned in the title viewed all sex between heterosexuals as rape which is obviously fallacious and untrue. These women were also unfortunately victims of bad circumstances in their lives especially Dworkin, I don't think I can say the same for Daly, she was a sociopath. I personally think feminism would have been more productive if the anti-porn and anti-male movement of these women didn't see the light of day.",,0,[deleted],2019-10-07 03:22:26 RedPillWives,ddq710,How to stay attractive and attract your man as you age?,"I'm in a great marriage and don't think my husband would ever leave. However, I guess I have this fear that the tables might turn in 10 or 20 years, where he could be more attractive than I am (he's a really attractive guy and will probably age well ;-), and I might struggle to keep him attracted more than I do now. I do all the recommended stuff to have a good marriage (Laura Doyle's six intimacy skills), and I take great care of my body (keto, high raw diet, tretinoin, exercise, sunscreen, avoiding excess sun). However, I think it would honestly make me feel more confident if I knew I could stay attractive as I got older. People like Anna Wintour who still have style in their 60s really inspire me. I really don't want to be one of those dowdy, sexless older women. Anyone else dealing with this, and how are you coping with it? Any YouTubers you recommend for beauty over 40 or 50 (I like HotandFlashy)?",,26,rosebyanyothername1,2019-10-05 17:21:54 RedPillWives,ddmzxz,"Simple Questions - October 05, 2019","Hello Ladies: Ask any question that doesn’t require its own post! Subreddit [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/wiki/rules) still apply but the range of acceptable subjects is wider. Anyone can ask, and anyone can answer! Be sure to check for new comments periodically :) - RPWi's mod team",,1,AutoModerator,2019-10-05 13:04:18 RedPillWives,dcem9b,Advice on relocating for a better family enviornment,"Hi all! I'm new to Reddit, and I am not sure if this is an appropriate place to post or not. I hope that it is, though. I am a long time lurker of this sub and I would love to get your lovely advice! :) My husband and I are planning to relocate within the next 5 years. We are both from the Midwest US, but from a large metro area. We are hoping to find a place more congruent with our desired lifestyle. I thought that maybe you lovely ladies could lend out some advice on places you have lived or visited that fit the description of what we are looking for! Thank you very much in advanced! :) Needs • My husband is a carpenter, so the area has to have jobs in carpentry and/or construction around. We definitely prefer a semi-rural, working, or middle class enviornment. • The ability to buy land at a relatively good price and low property taxes. Not a whole ton of land, but 1-5 acres would be ideal. Also, we would like to keep a few animals (livestock) on the land - so the land has to be zoned for residential and agricultural purposes, I believe. • 4 seasons, or a climate on the cooler or cold side. Wants • Mountains and/or forests around the area • Water for kayaking - rivers, lakes, etc P.S. I am sorry if this is all very off-topic, but we have been finding it very difficult to pin down locations to build our dream home and raise our family. I am a SAHW and I plan on homeschooling our children, and it is very important to me that we live in relative safety and close to nature. Our family and friends are all from the city we live in currently, and they don't understand why someone wouldn't want to move CLOSER to the city and not further away from it. I am hoping that at least a handful of you ladies may understand and be able to help us out with suggestions. Thank you again!",,10,Mangojuice92,2019-10-02 18:55:04 RedPillWives,dbzohl,Halloween,"I'm over here looking for one of those cheesy midi dresses with a spooky print, ghosts, spiders, what have you, and I thought I would post asking for your best Halloween ideas! What are you favorite tips, tricks, traditions and ideas surrounding Halloween or Halloween-esque holidays?",,8,[deleted],2019-10-01 20:55:54 RedPillWives,dbgjlc,Inspiring women,"In my current situation, I don't have many (in which I mean zero) like-minded female friends around so I derive inspiration from online ladies who seem to be similar minded. I thought it would be nice to open a thread where we can share bloggers, YouTubers, et cetera who inspire us in some way toward higher ideals. Also - hello everyone (I'm new here) and happy Monday :)",,18,[deleted],2019-09-30 19:09:46 RedPillWives,daik21,Any experiences on hypergamy as a virgin?,"I want to marry a provider and live as a kept woman. I’m 21, intelligent and good looking and working on becoming more feminine and desirable. Out of different reasons I’m a virgin. I don’t intent to change that before my marriage which I’d like to have around the age of 25. I’m not at all worried about being bad in bed, to be blunt and honest. I’m sensual already and have a good feeling for my body. I’m confident, curious and sexually openminded. Also willing to accommodate. Although I’m optimistic I’m sometimes afraid a modern day man won’t “take the risk”. Especially if he’s affluent and/or not religious. But I don’t want to pressure myself into adapting to society’s norm just out of fear. So I’d love to hear any experiences of women who have done what I want to do and waited till marriage. Especially if they did so with an affluent husband or a husband who wasn’t extraordinarily religious. As only religious men are being portrayed as being willing to do the wait.",,15,leinlin,2019-09-28 16:55:10 RedPillWives,dafpr5,"Parenting, Motherhood, Pregnancy Mega-Thread - September 28, 2019","Hello Ladies: Feel free to post your advice, wisdom, or questions relating to all things babies!!! - RPWi's mod team",,3,AutoModerator,2019-09-28 13:04:16 RedPillWives,d7a8be,"SHIT POST SATURDAY - September 21, 2019","Hello Ladies: Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. Have fun and let's all laugh together! - RPWi's mod team",,3,AutoModerator,2019-09-21 13:04:15 RedPillWives,d670g0,Not sure how to word this,"Me (F 24 year old) with committed monogamous relationship (M 24 years old) we've been together for about 4 months, our relationship was long distance but then he bought me a plane ticket after meeting me in america (my home country, and australia is his home country )We have an active bedroom life The problem is we strive to be better people and when I looked at his texts when he was visiting in america he was joking with his coworker that he would bring pringles, lots of lube and condoms ( Him and I spoke up and down about our views on sex, morality, philosophy, personal interests and goals and when I see this way he is speaking with one of his ""mates"" I lost all ground I was standing on I thought him and I had together, this was the third day he visited me in America I found out about his communication style with his friend from work... I told him there that I didn't want a relationship with someone who disrespects me behind my back and I thought we were honest with one another and over childish jokes, that I wanted a responsible husband and a future father figure to our possible children. It's been an issue ever since it happened because I don't know how to forgive him since I learned about who he really is, I shouldn't have came here to Australia if I didn't want to forgive him... He has told me since that he doesn't talk like that anymore with that coworker guy but I've seen in his phone that he tags him in all sorts of immature stuff that gets under my skin Most important Edit: I think it's a hard choice to leave because I need help scaling pros and cons of this relationship, thanks y'all to everyone who've commented. Edit: we've been talking online prior to 5 months ago where he came to my country america after talking to me thru a discord app called ""charls.world."" where he showed idiot tendencies back then, an enthusiast of Samuel Hyde.",,5,reneeamelia,2019-09-19 01:33:09 RedPillWives,d60gdf,Does the TRP lead to toxic men? An analysis,,https://thepowermoves.com/the-truth-about-the-red-pill/,0,lux_7,2019-09-18 16:41:47 RedPillWives,d534k3,Ladies gatherings...,"Recently I was invited to join a group called Rural Homemakers that meets monthly. I am really looking forward to joining in the fun. Apparently it is a potluck and at each meeting a lady teaches a skill or handiwork. The women in my husband's family also just last month decided to make a monthly meet up for all the women and kids of the extended family so we could stay connected. It will be at a different person's house each month and a potluck as well so it's not an imposition. It is very fortuitous that these women are creating these bonding opportunities I can take part in. My closest aunt, who is in her 70's, meets weekly for coffee with a group of about ten women who are all very close. I have always thought that was very special and when my children started school I tried fairly successfully to mimic them. So now every Thursday during the school year I invite my closest two ""mom friends"" over for coffee or champagne during the day. &#x200B; Since the family gatherings and the Rural Homemakers came to me this last month, they are on the forefront of my mind as we come into autumn. I am really looking forward to some cozy days spent in the company of comfortable and challenging women from all walks of life while the rain is pouring down outside. And hosting is one of my favorite things to do so I will be sure and create lots of opportunities for that to happen so I can fulfil that desire and maintain these threads of feminine community that, as our world becomes increasingly tech based, do not neccessarily come naturally. &#x200B; Do you belong to any women's groups? I'm curious as to what other opportunities are available. Bunco, book clubs, church groups, DAR (usa), charities? How do you participate? Do you feel being around other women is valuable to you?",,22,[deleted],2019-09-16 16:32:01 RedPillWives,d0vqao,"Simple Questions - September 07, 2019","Hello Ladies: Ask any question that doesn’t require its own post! Subreddit [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/wiki/rules) still apply but the range of acceptable subjects is wider. Anyone can ask, and anyone can answer! Be sure to check for new comments periodically :) - RPWi's mod team",,5,AutoModerator,2019-09-07 13:04:50 RedPillWives,cywv78,Changing for A Man,"Counter-feminine dating advice often touts the importance of “not changing for any man”. This can quite obviously be detrimental to girl game, and personal development supposing you are pursuing a man of high value. 1. What are your thoughts on the topic? 2. What changes have you made that improved your girl game/SMV/RMV? 3. How have those changes affected you personally, in terms of confidence, self esteem, lifestyle, contentment, etc.?",,16,jack_hammarred,2019-09-02 23:31:57 RedPillWives,cyws8l,August Relationship Challenge Review!,What positive changes have you noticed because of your efforts in the August Relationship Challenge? What habits will you sustain going forward?,,5,jack_hammarred,2019-09-02 23:24:49 RedPillWives,cy14ze,These are being handed out at the straight pride parade.,,https://i.imgur.com/qwhAYzq.jpg,4,rockynputz,2019-08-31 21:24:27 RedPillWives,cwwx4c,The importance of being accepted by partner’s parents- grandiose or small?,"So, in my post history you’ll see that I met a guy that I’m super excited about- things are still going smoothly. Only issue is I’m realizing I’m probably not going to be accepted by his parents. For a few reasons. Despite him not being worried about this, I’m not sure if I should shrug this as a sad reality, or if I should take this more seriously as an obstacle in our pursuit of being together. He comes from a Christian russian family, and as a conservative American who came from a small super loose family, I admire the traditions and culture very much. However, his parents don’t so much admire Americans- they want all their kids to marry other Russians and uphold their traditions. I’m not concerned about inability to uphold the traditions being that I would love to practice what I know so far myself, but I don’t know if that would matter to them. No matter how many small things I could do to hold traditions in the family, I was still raised differently and that will always shine through my personality, and to them, I will still be not-russian. Biggest reason I expect to be rejected: they disapprove of him getting into a relationship. He has been in unsuccessful relationships when he was younger that his parents read into as him being incapable of having a good relationship, when really there is only a misunderstanding that he feels uncomfortable with explaining to his parents. He is not on best terms with his parents because a multitude of reasons that are a little complex- and yes, I’m aware that this could be a red flag, and I’m keeping my eyes open to understand if this should be concerning for a potential relationship with him.. This of course means that they’ll disapprove of our relationship, of me, and I will be in a place of having to put up with that, or...? Is this something I shouldn’t tolerate? I have a history of putting up with more than I should. Honesty, I’m not sure if this is one of those situations. I don’t like being disliked no matter my effort and good intentions. I’m also unsure of how this will be for him. I have great friendships with my parents, while he doesn’t fill his in at all with his life because when he does they find some way to criticize or put him down. He is 25, and independent, so maybe this doesn’t matter much in that sense, but nevertheless: he’d have conflict with his family, fight, and it will most likely lead to him having to cut off from them more than he already has. This is seeming to be an oncoming storm of drama. I myself feel capable of toughing through the negativities of it, but I feel bad for the entire situation. I want him to have good relationships with his parents, and I don’t want to be an obstacle in that. I also don’t want to be disliked, and viewed as a problem in the eyes of the family of the person I want to have a family with. What do you ladies think? Is issues with being accepted by your partner’s parents an acceptable and normal thing to go through in the pursuit of a relationship? Am I putting myself in a bad spot here, or is it a necessary sacrifice? Any advice, input, or further questions on my situation or this subject entirely would be appreciated. Thank you :) I would also like to say, I look forward to being part of this community that strives for women to be in healthy marriages- supported by married women and women who want the same thing. Having and raising a healthy family is my main goal, and I look forward to doing that by being a good partner and constantly working to improve myself. For this reason I was studying the RPWomen, and after learning about you guys I will now be looking forward to getting your input from my own situations as well as other ladies here sharing their thoughts and experiences. :) thanks for reading! :::EXTRA INFO::: Why He’s Not Concerned about this -> traditionally, his parents cut contact with all their kids when they get married and move out- seems that he’s counting on this as a reason we would be unbothered by his disapproving parents. He also thinks that through his siblings meeting me and learning who I am, word would spread to his parents that I am admirable and worthy of being accepted, and that in the future they would come around to accepting me. He’s created this mental picture of how it’d work out and seems confident in it, and I trust he knows how his parents will be. However, I still this this all sounds super messy. I don’t know how I should feel. Would love to hear your thoughts, opinions, and any questions you may have on the subject and/or my situation. Thank you!!!",,14,eatavacado,2019-08-29 06:12:33 RedPillWives,cuvuq7,How Is Your August Relationship Challenge Going?,"What progress did you make on your first goal? For this last week, let’s set a new goal. Decide on something you’d like to start doing to build on your progress 😊",,3,jack_hammarred,2019-08-24 16:54:01 RedPillWives,cut553,"Parenting, Motherhood, Pregnancy Mega-Thread - August 24, 2019","Hello Ladies: Feel free to post your advice, wisdom, or questions relating to all things babies!!! - RPWi's mod team",,1,AutoModerator,2019-08-24 13:04:34 RedPillWives,ctjmrc,What's the difference between this subreddit and the RedPillWomen subreddit?,"Hi, I've been following redpillwomen for some time now, and have just discovered this subreddit. After taking a quick peek around, I can't find much difference at all between the two in terms of ideology. I'm just curious- are you guys trying to do something different from RPW? are you in disagreement somehow? are you familiar? Are you familiar of the now quarantined subreddit TheRedPill?",,35,eatavacado,2019-08-21 16:59:23 RedPillWives,csq82y,Accountability buddy for health?,"Would anyone be interested in being accountability buddies for losing some weight/eating healthy/just getting in better shape? I’m 30, married, and I’m just feeling so FAT! Ick. I have been exercising more and trying to eat better, but I think it would help if I had a buddy to chat with!",,8,Scorpioprincess83,2019-08-20 00:35:28 RedPillWives,cs519n,Dax Shepard Wasn't Sure He Wanted to be with Kristen Bell,"While not a RP couple, I thought of RP strategy while listening to Dax Shepard talk about his journey to and with Kristen Bell. If you have the time, give it a listen. Only 5 mins. I thought it was a great example of the powers of living by example instead of struggling/nagging/trying to control things about our husbands we can't control. &#x200B; EDITED TO ADD: Can't tell if the link worked, so adding it here. Sorry! [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3EQfvEQSWU](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3EQfvEQSWU)",,19,raspberryjam1,2019-08-18 18:30:40 RedPillWives,crfx83,How should I handle my husband doing too much for me?,"If I haven't posed this question correctly, please delete. I have tried writing this over and over and I can't find any other way to word this without sounding like I'm bragging: My husband does too much for me and I don't know how I can help him relax more without making him think I don't deeply appreciate all he does for me. Some background: I am 28 and my husband is 30, and we have been together 10 years, married for 3. We have a 2 year old little boy. Due to my son having health problems, I quit my job and became a SAHM (the start of our red pill journey, and the start of the ""problem""). The job market where we are is not awesome, but my husband is steadily climbing the corporate ladder, and has done an amazing job supporting us. He makes enough for us to live on our own, but his parents have health problems and we wanted to save up money for a house, so we have been living with his parents. I agreed wholeheartedly to this. His reasoning is sound - we can save a lot of money and I can cook/clean/what have you to make things easier on his aging parents, whom I love very much. He gets frustrated sometimes that we are living here but I always try to remind him of how grateful I am that he provides so well for us, that he's willing to give up the comfort of having our own place in order to care for his parents and give us a better future, etc. I keep the house tidy, make good food, give him space when he needs it, make myself available to him, and even learned how to play his favorite games so that we can spend time together doing things he enjoys the most. Sex isn't as frequent as it used to be due to his schedule, the baby, and our living situation (3-4 times weekly, down from 2x daily), but I do everything I can to find time for us to be intimate. It is really, really hard some days, and I sometimes slip up and show how overwhelmed I am feeling. But I am so, so happy to do all this for him. I try to tell him that all the time. Especially when he does the dishes for me, or cooks dinner, or takes my son out to play with the request that I take time to relax and enjoy myself. He even gives me full-body massages because I ""deserve"" it for being a good wife and for being ""patient"" with our living situation. If I gently try to get him to relax, he is very firm about telling me that this is what he wants to do, so I can't outright refuse, even if I have good intentions. (And who wants to turn down a massage?!) I feel guilty that he comes home after a long and stressful day of work and wants to reward ME. I'm here to make HIS life easier, because he takes amazing care of me and our son. Is there a graceful way to get him to just relax and let me take care of things at home? TLDR: My awesome husband feels the need to ""reward"" me for being a good wife. How do I let him know it's not necessary without seeming unappreciative?",,8,Cha0ticN3utral,2019-08-17 01:54:56 RedPillWives,crlvqt,"SHIT POST SATURDAY - August 17, 2019","Hello Ladies: Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. Have fun and let's all laugh together! - RPWi's mod team",,1,AutoModerator,2019-08-17 13:04:23 RedPillWives,cr8po2,What Are Your Interior Decorating Tips?,"Building upon the recent discussion for keeping the home tidy, let’s chat about interior decorating! How do you keep your place gorgeous? Tell us all!",,8,jack_hammarred,2019-08-16 16:24:31 RedPillWives,cq66sl,What keeps you motivated to keep a clean home?,,https://www.reddit.com/r/homemaking/comments/cq5rr0/what_keeps_you_motivated_to_keep_a_clean_home/,17,teaandtalk,2019-08-14 07:11:48 RedPillWives,cot3gg,August Relationship Challenge,"Let’s challenge ourselves in our relationships! Whether we are in a romantic relationship or not, let’s get strategic about how to live out our feminine virtues to upbuild the ones we love ♥️ This week, let’s focus on doing something “less”. Maybe a bad habit, a coping mechanism that we don’t need anymore, or something counterproductive to our goals, that we can stop doing or do less frequently. After all, less is more 😘 Let’s take this week to purge something so we will have more room for positive addition next week!",,25,jack_hammarred,2019-08-11 05:42:07 RedPillWives,cliixa,"Simple Questions - August 03, 2019","Hello Ladies: Ask any question that doesn’t require its own post! Subreddit [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/wiki/rules) still apply but the range of acceptable subjects is wider. Anyone can ask, and anyone can answer! Be sure to check for new comments periodically :) - RPWi's mod team",,1,AutoModerator,2019-08-03 13:04:20 RedPillWives,ckgul3,Just want to say thanks,"A few years and profiles ago I came here with my head up my bum. You all straightened me out harshly and it was what I needed. After years of self improvement, took theonk mode advice, changed my perspective and habits, and I am happy to report that on the 21st I married a man I never thought was possible to lock down. So thank you all. Harshness and honesty and what is hard to hear comes from experience and love. Soak it up. It does help and there are wise women here from many walks of life.",,32,[deleted],2019-08-01 00:23:34 RedPillWives,cjadk6,"Check out A and B below. Help me reconcile? A- When does my need for my space become important then? Never, just in case his head gets turned? B - where his career tanking has required her to step in and take on these responsibilities... Does not the woman’s burden shoulder become a concern?",,https://i.redd.it/axhbr9lvg8d31.jpg,24,[deleted],2019-07-29 12:07:52 RedPillWives,cieym1,I’m just a woman standing by a pile of laundry asking my man to notice me...,"The magic of my last post has worn off. Can I vent? Mr Poley is working hard at mo (as he should be and hasn’t always) and studying most nights. I know he has to do this. Im pleased he’s doing it. I’m supportive. I bring brews and leave him to it. I take an interest in the subject and listen to him talking out his plans. It’s good he’s giving it his effort. I really am behind it. I bank rolled it. I did my masters while working full time. I know it’s hard. After the kids are in bed, when I’ve not got pole class or cardio I’m at home. I do the chores, I pole, I shower, I read, I scroll a bit. I pass out. But I’m his time away from the laptop, when he’s having a break, I’d value some company. But he’s just sat scrolling on his phone. Or fires up the PS4. It’s what he wants in his down time to unwind. I don’t complain any more. He only gets defensive when I have in the past and that’s worse for any intimacy right? I don’t watch TV. I don’t play video games. I do scroll, but I limit it. My eyes limit it for me tbh! After a bit I just can’t see. So last night I’m sat with him, while he scrolls again. He’s showing me lame clips on YouTube he finds hilarious. I could not give a fuck. I’m watching, I’m listening, Im chuckling. I want to be amused. But I’m not. It’s moronic crap. I feel neglected. Fucking put your phone away and talk to me. Look at me! Can you even see me? Oh he made a big fuss of me when I got back my trip last week. He’d fucking missed the family powerhouse. He was feeling the strain. Since the day after I returned, normal service is resumed. Sorry babe can’t chill tonight got to study. Have you seen this thing I need? Would you mind doing this for us? Sorry babe I don’t have time. Can you? Have you? Would you? I am fucking accommodating. But I am accommodated out. What is in it for me?’ He’s happy. Our marriage is a dream come true for him. I hear it endlessly how lucky he is to have me. He’d be lost without me. I’m a legend. I’m awesome, thanks for all I do. (Some women don’t get this from their husbands I know. I’m lucky too. ) Of course he is happy though. His life is a breeze. He gets to pursue his passion in his job. I have made that possible for him seeing how unhappy he was in his old career. I pay the bills, he earns pocket money, no financial burdens. He basically just has a debit card and spends. He cooks. He actively enjoys it. Cooks for fun. Otherwise if it’s happening in our family, it’s on me. I’m horny as hell these days so he gets all the sex he can cope with. 2 magnificent healthy, confident, high achieving kids that adore him. As far as marriages go I bet there are plenty men working a lot harder for less. Sometimes I envy other women. I have a friend at pole. 10 years older than me. She’s happy. She doesn’t work. Spends her day keeping horses, working out and in the spa. Looks after their teenagers. Always on vacation. Always a great big smile and holding a glass of Prosecco in a glamorous location. I want her life. Ill never have it. I’ll always be the workhorse in this marriage. Everything I want, I’m going to have to get for myself, as I always have, after I’ve finished looking after everyone else. I married for love. A man whose company I enjoyed above anyone else’s. Who made me roar with laughter. Who was the life and soul of any party. A man who made me feel cherished. A man that made me want to be a better person. A man that was passionate in the bedroom. A man that other men enjoy hanging out with and other women flirt with. He wasn’t a bad choice. He still isn’t. My friends would tell me I’m lucky I picked a good one and remind me of their own tales of woe and poor choices. Over the years I have wondered if I should have been more strategic. If I should encourage my daughter to be more strategic in her choices. Left him lounging in bed again this morning while I’m up with the kids. Standard. He’s tired. He’s grumpy. Told me no sex before he’d even opened his eyes. So I just get up do breakfast, get on with the chores, service the kids. (Not today though, today I’m typing this. ) Fucking notice me. The woman lying next to you in bed. Look at my face. Touch me. See me! So he has plans to go somewhere with our Son today. So it’s me n the girl having a girlie day. Nothing. A. Happen until he gets up though. Then I’ll rub his shoulders, stroke his back, make his coffee and sit fucking quietly amusing myself until someone needs something again or it’s time to go out. Self care self care self care.. only goes so far. I’d love some non self care. Thanks for listening. Advice? Criticism? Sympathy? Clearly I’m going wrong somewhere and need to do yet more differently.",,36,[deleted],2019-07-27 08:12:19 RedPillWives,cih9gi,"Parenting, Motherhood, Pregnancy Mega-Thread - July 27, 2019","Hello Ladies: Feel free to post your advice, wisdom, or questions relating to all things babies!!! - RPWi's mod team",,1,AutoModerator,2019-07-27 13:04:30 RedPillWives,cfwxug,Laura Doyle deserves a medal,"The changes in my Husband are formidable. I’m seeing aspects of him I’ve not seen in a long time. This is prompted by my return home from a work trip. It’s normal for this to result in total devastation of the house, complete dereliction of any adult responsibilities other than ensuring children are fed and get to school (in however a chaotic manner is required) And a lengthy run down of all the drama. Different family this time round. House tidy, standards maintained. My return was planned for and my welcome amazing. He’s picked up things with the kids I had decided to let slide. He’s laid out his expectations for today as he has his own work project to do. I didn’t lift a finger all day yesterday and was basically waited on all day while I snoozed on the sofa and cuddled my babies. They were eating off paper plates and all the dishes were saved for me. ‘That’s still your job he said’ Even that impressed me tbh. I was tired and a bit arsey with him at one point and he put me in my place. I liked that too 😂 Said sorry like a good girl and snoozed more. And on top of that he’s given me a thoroughly good going over, three times in 12 hours. Think he’s pleased I’m home. And finally (yes it goes on!) I opened his letter from hmrc (he’s still ignoring post) to be notified of a bloody decent tax refund coming his way. I’ve moaned about his financial fuck ups before and his usual response to a windfall is ‘let’s go spend this on fun right now’ but instead he’s proposed a plan! A very good one that makes me very happy. And gives me hope! All because Laura Doyle made some good points... He had nearly killed the goldfish but he’s ok so I’m letting that go...",,31,[deleted],2019-07-21 08:35:20 RedPillWives,cfll4u,"SHIT POST SATURDAY - July 20, 2019","Hello Ladies: Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. Have fun and let's all laugh together! - RPWi's mod team",,2,AutoModerator,2019-07-20 13:04:26 RedPillWives,cc58pf,Why do you guys dislike feminism,,,0,funkypatrick,2019-07-12 02:56:53 RedPillWives,c9wj87,9 Empowering Quotes for Women,,https://i.redd.it/qyqtzoiq15731.jpg,81,ANIKAHirsch,2019-07-06 17:59:52 RedPillWives,c9tdls,"Simple Questions - July 06, 2019","Hello Ladies: Ask any question that doesn’t require its own post! Subreddit [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/wiki/rules) still apply but the range of acceptable subjects is wider. Anyone can ask, and anyone can answer! Be sure to check for new comments periodically :) - RPWi's mod team",,3,AutoModerator,2019-07-06 13:04:40 RedPillWives,c8su4i,"Update. I'm alive, I'm safe. I'm doing better now","Let me start by saying, this can happen to *anyone*. Yes, even you, reading this post now, in a million-dollar home, wearing clothes that cost in the thousands of dollars, who has a prestigious education, who's been married for years, who has the kind of life people would look at and call 'perfect', attractive, smart, successful you. I loved Bill. In many ways, I still do. I still miss him. Most days. But some days things...slip, and it's suddenly like I'm right back there, in my old kitchen, waiting it terror for his key in the lock. Just days ago I woke up panicking because I dreamed he was on top of me, holding me down and demanding that I cry for him. I felt like a failure as a woman that day, because all I could manage to do was cry in the shower, call my safety contact and curl up under a blanket. Those are the days that, when they pass, I can honestly say I hate him. He took away my ability to put on my big-girl pants every day and go out and do what needs to be done. He made me like a kicked dog---needing to be collared, but too head-shy to even get close enough. Then I hate myself for hating him; he was only human. Was it \*really\* his fault? What could I have done better? Was I too much like a rabbit, teasing the fox with such easy prey? Would he have respected me more if I'd stood up to him? Would it have made any difference in the outcome if he had? That's the constant buzz of questions and doubts that only meds and therapy can quiet down. &#x200B; Anyhow. Just checking in. Maybe one of these days I'll be confident enough again to have a 'captain'. But that still seems a long way off, even if I'm no longer in physical danger.",,37,janeafraid,2019-07-03 20:00:30 RedPillWives,c898zq,Appreciate the Man,"An update on progress since my previous post! [https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/bza4cc/feeling\_a\_lot\_of\_resentment\_need\_encouragement/](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/bza4cc/feeling_a_lot_of_resentment_need_encouragement/) &#x200B; Things have improved. I've been congratulated this week by Mr Poley on 'not crowding the setter' (Yes he's read the book too) The last two weeks I've been sending him my daily reflections on things he did the day before for which I am grateful. Spurred on by the concept of you cannot resent what you appreciate. It has led to some very honest conversations and changes. He knows I’ve held him responsible for my anxiety due to having felt abandoned at the wheel and let down by him three very specific times when I’ve really needed him to come through. I’ve had to accept my own choices enabled him to do that and have blocked him fixing things before now. But do you know what, I think we are getting somewhere. 1. He’s stopped moaning on about the problem child at forest school and taken some decisive action to resolve the issue. 2. He’s started coming home with a plan for the evening and implementing it 3. He’s done food shops galore! He's not passed any of his jobs off onto me. 4. He’s made a list of jobs that are long overdue round the house and he’s started doing them. 5. He’s had only one day off work in two weeks. He’s helping out in their peak busy period as he will have the entire summer break off. He’s actually apologised for leaving me to do the kids stuff solo both of the last weekends and reassured me that its just temporary. He knows I don’t want to go back to being a married single mum (third final breakdown issue) He’s letting me know he knows it’s a concern and he’s got me covered. I'm grateful! (Not sure how I'm going to manage this weekend without cloning myself though, but I will prevail!) 6. Despite working so much he is coming home and pitching in, not just flopping with his ps4 and refusing to lift a finger 7. He’s taken over the worst part of the parenting day for me without being asked. He has seen it frustrating me and he's stepped in. 8. He’s started footy again. He’s been bad with carpal tunnel and trigger finger last 18 months and stopped MMA and footy due to the pain he was in. He’s just been signed off from his final surgery though and was able to go back. That will help with his anger and energy levels! Its good to see him well enough to do that stuff again. 9. He’s started giving me instructions! Last night he had a load of stuff he wanted to get done and he sent ME out to score weed. *(don't judge us! Its our life, we're not harming anyone and its strictly after kids bedtime*) Not done that for about 15 years. Felt quite exciting actually. He’s tried to make me go before and I refused. Couldn’t even see a reason not to go yesterday. He’s just text me what to pick up tonight on the way home! Its nice not to have to think about it myself. 10. I am finding comfort in his arms again. When he’s handling shit, I can get with him. I can lie in his arms and fall into his easy going, contented world where everything is always ok. The one I have resented him living in. Its a nice place. Can see why he likes it. &#x200B; So there you go. I can surrender, I might even be able to respect the man in time. { Will I be able to respect myself? Different story entirely }",,18,[deleted],2019-07-02 13:30:20 RedPillWives,c7buoq,Advice on Saying Ouch,"A few years ago I developed a severe allergy to gluten and dairy that triggers life-threatening anaphylaxis. My doctor has recommended I avoid them entirely. It is very difficult to eat out. Although we have a good system in place, I still find it stressful to have to scour the menu online for multiple places to figure out where I can eat. The worst is when we are traveling. It has been a touchy issue in the past as my husband continually suggests places that he likes but that have limited to no options for me. For example, he will suggest a burger joint he loves that would require me to eat a burger with no bun and no cheese. He will accuse me of being picky for not wanting to eat this, even though he would chafe if I suggested he eat the same. I’ve told him repeatedly he’s allowed to go without me, but then he acts butthurt about it or goes on and on about how he “really wants to eat with me.” But really wanting to eat with me doesn’t mean actually suggesting a place where I would enjoy anything. Initially I realize I was trying to control him and he felt limited because HE couldn’t go someplace due to my allergies. In the past 18 months, I have gotten better by being clearer that he could just go without me (saying I won’t go, but he is genuinely free to go without me), so now we just eat apart more often. He also would constantly send me flight suggestions for Switzerland, and I repeatedly had to ask him to stop because going there would make it very hard for me to eat. It took 3-4 times but he finally stopped emailing me although he still mentions it occasionally. Today we traveled an hour north to help some friends with a project. I had picked out three places for him to choose from where we could go on a hike / rest in nature, and three dinner places. I checked all the menus in advance, so that I wouldn’t be stressed out checking the day of. After assisting our friends, he suggested we scrap all three options for the hike and just do a drive instead. Okay, I said. “Why don’t we go to this creamery that x place is known for? We could get ice cream.” “I don’t think they’d have dairy free ice cream at a creamery,” I said. “You could look it up and check.” I started but then I could feel my entire body stress up and get extremely defensive. I realized I didn’t want to do this. “No,” I said. “I specifically looked up three places in advance so that I wouldn’t have to be stressed out in this moment checking places. I don’t want to do it now and I feel myself tensing up just thinking about it.” He said I was being too sensitive. I said that I just wanted to feel protected and instead I feel stressed out and defensive. I had specifically picked three places for him to choose from so that he would feel free to make the final choice but I could avoid being caught in the stress (again). I don’t feel protected when he frequently suggests going to places I (probably) can’t eat. This is probably about the 20th time we’ve had an argument like this, so I know it’s not ignorance. This time around I was trying to show more vulnerability. To be clearer how what he said was hurting me. I realize I should have just said “ouch” when he suggested a person whom dairy will kill should go to a creamery. [Again, this seems to me like an obviously bad idea.] In retrospect, I didn’t need to get into exactly how I was feeling stressed by the suggestion. We ended up getting into a lengthy argument about it. He said that he felt like he was walking on eggshells around me. He later claimed he said nothing about ice cream and wanted just to get himself some cheese. (Here it seems that he was gaslighting, albeit unintentionally. I don’t think he is maliciously being manipulative, but I am 100% certain he mentioned ice cream as though it were something we could get together.) I said that I could understand why it is hard for him to learn to speak more before he thinks, because his family is not the most considerate, but tried to express confidence that this was a skill he could grow in with practice. I said it’s been hard for me to learn how to be “respectful” as our families show respect differently too, but it was something I was trying to get better at. I also apologized for how my food allergies have ruined our sense of spontaneity. He apologized for not just getting food earlier on his own when he had the chance; he was suggesting this place due to his own hunger. He ended up driving to that town anyway but not proposing we go to the creamery. I picked up some chocolate I could eat from a grocery store (thankfully they had something for me) and then we walked past the street that had the creamery. He suggested we go in the other direction and I suggested he go without me to get himself the cheese he wanted. We did that and then the rest of the evening was OK. What’s the right answer here? Should I have just said “ouch” without explaining why I was hurt? Should I just figure out how to have thicker skin about the food stuff? Should I just not travel with him? It’s not even the food stuff that bothers me so much - it’s that every time I tell him he’s hurting me, it feels like it gets spun back into being my fault for being hurt. And I see clear patterns of emotional abuse in his actions (the gaslighting) which make me feel unsafe. It’s hard for me to trust him. I have no sense of intimacy with him after this incident. I don’t want to have sex with him. I don’t want to be near him. I just want to curl up in a ball by myself or run away. He says that my memory is wrong, but I really don’t believe that. Many of our arguments involve him telling me that my memory always makes him out to be the bad guy. This time I explained that I’m trying to be more verbal, because before he told me I need to be better about not bottling things up. There are some cross cultural issues here, and my culture is more inclined to grin and bear it, and then to avoid later. His culture is inclined to lash out in arguments and views my culture as involving “mind reading,” which I would say is just a matter of reasonable emotional intelligence. The problem is that as I grow more verbal, he grows more defensive. When I say what hurts me, he starts insisting that I shouldn’t be hurt. That’s why all this triggers so much stress for me - it’s not just about 1-3 times of him learning “my wife doesn’t want to go to places where she can’t eat food.” It’s that even though I’ve repeatedly told him why I don’t like something, he keeps ignoring me and then blaming me for being too sensitive. I also considered that maybe I should have let him pick the three options instead? But he was very busy with work this week so I only did that to be helpful. Maybe the answer is just that we shouldn’t help friends on any week that he is too busy to choose.",,6,g_e_m_anscombe,2019-06-30 11:01:50 RedPillWives,c6mh4k,Making weekend plans?,(Deleted),,6,[deleted],2019-06-28 16:44:44 RedPillWives,c6hoa8,Advice on how to be more supportive,"\>How old are you (and how old is your partner) and how familiar are you with RPW? We are both 20 and I discovered this subreddit thanks to him a few weeks ago \>What is your relationship status? We're unfortunately in a long-distance relationship, thinking of finishing our degrees and then living together and getting married \>What is the problem? He has a heart disease (had to get a surgery when he was still a baby). As a kid his parents had a talk with him about things he couldn't be when he grew up (like police officer and firemen) and that he couldn't run as much as the other kids. Obviously, this along with not so good genes caused him to be fat. For me, it doesn't really bother me (I find the surgery scars hot) but I can tell that he is bothered by his weight but I don't really know how to help him. On top of all this, with university he doesn't really have much time to work out and eat healthily and I'm not there with him all the time so I can't be cooking for him. From time to time, I send him recipes that seem easy enough to make so he can eat a bit better at least but I don't know what else to do. So I'm just seeking advice on how to help him with this. The only issue that I have with his weight is if it strains his heart and he lives way less because of it. I don't wanna lose him... (I just realized that I answered all of the other questions so I'll skip some) \>If married or in a committed, monogamous relationship: How long have you been together? We've been together for 6 months now, just dating though \>Do you have an active bedroom life? Only when we are together, which is every few months...",,2,[deleted],2019-06-28 08:25:51 RedPillWives,c5wcn5,Boyfriend will go to a bachelor party in Amsterdam,"&#x200B; * How old are you (and how old is your partner) and how familiar are you with RPW? I'm 23 and I've been reading RP material for a few years now, my boyfriend is 29. * What is your relationship status? We've been dating exclusively for about a year. * What is the problem? (Don’t badmouth your SO!) My boyfriend told me he would be going to a bachelor party in Amsterdam in a few months. I've always thought that this kind of bachelor/bachelorette party were pretty trashy and that I wouldn't want to have for myself or my partner. * What have you done to resolve this problem? I've told him that I didn't like the idea but that I wouldn't control him and tell him not to go. I think the issue is also that we've never been on vacation together and that he won't really take time off or spend money to do expensive things like that with me. Overall it just makes me feel sick and like I'm not that important to him. Is this something that I should be okay with?",,19,notreallyintothat_,2019-06-26 21:35:47 RedPillWives,c5ctq9,How to lose vanity lbs after kids?,(Deleted),,9,[deleted],2019-06-25 18:23:08 RedPillWives,c52mts,Small victory: being a soft place to land,"I still have room to grow here, but I felt we had a victory for our marriage this weekend. My husband comes from a family of complainers. He’s very often right in his complaints (that is to say, he very often gets part of the problem correct), but sometimes that makes it hard to tell when he goes from issuing a correct complaint to becoming personally critical. I come from a debate background and a family that rarely lobs personal criticism so it’s been hard for me to notice this dynamic. About two years ago, he started complaining again about how terrible the music at church is. I have a simple policy: you aren’t allowed to complain about something unless you’re willing to do something about it. I told him this, and so he volunteered to start singing as a cantor. He is loathe to practice, and he’s wanted to give up several times. Each time I paused and offered help to relieve his stress. At one point, he started relying on me to select songs from the options the music director provided. At another point, he asked me to manage the schedule with the music director and I made sure he had a 6 month break from 2 months before my baby’s due date - 4 months after she was born so that we could master church with a newborn before he had the responsibility for singing again. This month his new schedule came up. He was singing on a special day where there is an extra sequence to learn. For that reason, I selected the best of the available songs (even though I knew he wouldn’t like them as much) so that he wouldn’t have to stress about learning two songs at once. I flagged it early that he would have to learn something so he had at least three weeks to practice. He didn’t really consider it until it was too late and he didn’t have enough time to learn it in Latin, so he did his best with the English version. He kept talking about the Latin though, and how disappointing the English was. As soon as he finished, he approached some friends and apologized for not doing the Latin. Later outside, our other two friends commented that they really enjoyed the selection and he complained about the final song. He REALLY dug into me about the final song. I agreed with him that it wasn’t the best, but the pianist was less experienced (so it would annoy her to learn something new) and I didn’t want to stress him out with learning two songs. He just kept laying into me about it. I got a bit defensive at first, but as we talked I slowly realized he was going into his complaint-mode. He started complaining about how it was really all because the pianist wasn’t as good as the other one, and how it would be so much better if we had a different music director, and how this is all the fault of Vatican II even though it’s supposed to privilege the Latin (which is what he wanted to do). Finally I stopped him. “No, you’re wrong. That’s not the problem.” (Here I realize in retrospect that I could have been more respectful/tactful). “The problem is that you aren’t being gracious enough to yourself. You did a great job given what you were able to do. Our one friends complimented the sequence in English; our other friends complimented the music selection. No one else was as bothered by it as you are, because they all recognized how much better it was than what they normally get. You can’t do beautiful things and preserve Latin liturgy on your own. You can only do the best work what you’ve been given, and today, you did that. You want to be Captain Picard on the Federation flagship Enterprise, but you’re forgetting that before he was there, he was Captain Picard on the Stargazer.” He paused, thought about it and said “you’re right.” There was such a profound shift in him and we had a much better rest of the day. Although I have room to improve on my delivery, I am glad I chose to respond to his unwarranted criticism by instead complimenting him and being a safe(r) space to land. In our first year of marriage, I would have gotten defensive and replied back that I had given him an extra three weeks to practice if he really wanted to learn the Latin and the real problem is that he is too lazy to practice and his best friend from his college a capella group agrees with me, etc. He would have them pinned the problem on me, since I had encouraged him to try it in the first place. Also, lesson learned: if he complains about something else at church, I’m going to have a boundary for what I will tolerate (“I don’t want to be around someone who complains so much, so I’ll go over to x until you’re ready to talk about something else”) rather than trying to control him by pushing him to do something he doesn’t really want to do.",,13,g_e_m_anscombe,2019-06-25 04:44:42 RedPillWives,c56qxk,On communicating during disagreement.,"•How old are you (and how old is your partner) and how familiar are you with RPW? 40 (44) extremely familiar - I used to read it before the subreddit split and people changed usernames due to doxing. •What is your relationship status? married, 2 kids •What is the problem? (Don’t badmouth your SO!) when we disagree on something, I try to work through the issue with him. What ends up happening is the ""communication"" makes him feel more frustrated and he's sorry that we talked about it in the first place. Sometimes the issue is resolved, sometimes it's not, but I'd prefer to be able to resolve issues without it being so painful. •How have you contributed to the problem? I try to explain myself and my motivations so that he can understand me. It makes him more irritated and he feels like I'm arguing with him. He feels like he isn't understood - likely because I'm not expressing anything that indicates that I do understand him and am more focused on correcting any misconceptions that he has about me and my motivations. •How long has this been an issue? forever. we're still close and intimate but I would prefer that we would be able to communicate more smoothly when there's disagreement. •What have you done to resolve this problem? I have tried to stay quiet and listen. However, this doesn't do anything to resolve the problem or misunderstanding. It gives him a chance to vent. I need to learn to communicate without him feeling like I'm arguing with him or invalidating his feelings. If married or in a committed, monogamous relationship: •How long have you been together? over 15 years. •Is your relationship long-distance? no •Do you have an active bedroom life? yes - and I credit RPW for that. Several years ago I used the advice of having sex even though you're tired because 99% of the time you'll enjoy it and be glad you did. So true. Post kids, it was a boon to our sex life and helped us become closer.",,5,[deleted],2019-06-25 10:57:00 RedPillWives,c406ue,Can I be a traditional mother?,"Ok, so I've been dating this girl for a few years and am confident we can make it work. I love her so much, and want to pop the question once I can afford a ring and a proper wedding. We've already talked about potential parenting and how we hope to raise them to be good and responsible. But theres a thing that worries me. I'm a transsexual woman in a lesbian relationship. I really want to raise kids traditionally, healthy, and am also unsure how effective we could be if the child's only father figure is my lover's roommate. I want to be a good wife and potential adoptive mother. Would it be possible for someone like me to take an effective role in motherhood?",,2,[deleted],2019-06-23 06:33:02 RedPillWives,c3pgra,"Parenting, Motherhood, Pregnancy Mega-Thread - June 22, 2019","Hello Ladies: Feel free to post your advice, wisdom, or questions relating to all things babies!!! - RPWi's mod team",,8,AutoModerator,2019-06-22 13:04:26 RedPillWives,c2k9bh,How to express disappointment respectfully?,"Hello! How do you girls go about expressing disappointment respectfully to your husband or commited partner? When shutting up are enabling a destructive behavior with bad consequences, or when you're very hurt or worried by their attitudes? Is there any way to do this gracefully?",,10,Glow-and-grow,2019-06-19 17:52:44 askMRP,82875i,Cut the Shit,"See a lot of bullshit on here. Dudes complaining and not even responding to half the advice they get. Here's a guideline, for anyone considering posting a question here. &nbsp; Take a picture of yourself shirtless and print it out. On this piece of paper: * Write down your stats (height, weight, bf%, lifts). *You are keeping a journal of your workouts right?* * Write down all the books you have read in the sidebar and one sentence about what you learned from each one (even if you haven't finished it yet). What was your main takeaway from the other erroneous material referenced in TRP sidebar and here? * Get your testosterone levels checked and write them down * Write down your ratio of sexual initiations/rejections * Write down the number of women besides your wife you could call right now to chill this weekend * Shit, write down the name of the last girl you flirted with who isn't your wife * Write down how many days over the past 15 you have actively gamed your wife * Write down two things you do that make you a good catch * Write down what you would do today if you did not have a wife/kids to go home to * Write down what Dread Level you are on * Write down how many more months you have to go until you are an attractive man with options If you do this exercise and still don't have an answer to your dumb fuck question, post it. Here, I'll go first, sans the pic. * Write down your stats (height, weight, bf%, lifts): * 6'2"", 210lbs., 15%bf * 90lb dumbbell press down from 102.5 (fuck!), 275 squat, 350 RDL, 315 lb. Hex bar shrugs, 102.5 lb. One arm rows, 45 lb. curls. Working back up after taking a break when my Dad died and I was depressed as shit. No excuses though, got work to do. I do a lot of other shit but these are the main ones. Back on track. * Write down all the books you have read in the sidebar and one sentence about what you learned from each one (even if you haven't finished it yet). What was your main takeaway from the other erroneous material referenced in TRP sidebar and here? * Gorilla Mindset: *Overcome adversity with mental strength* * NMMNG: *Unapologetically put your needs first* * WISNIFG: *You do not owe people explanations for things you do that they don’t agree with* * MMSLP: *Your wife is a woman and the rules of attraction do not change after marriage* * Models: *Put yourself out there and accept rejection* * The Way of the Superior Man: *Figuratively fuck the world with your masculine energy* * Rational Male, Year One: *Women want sex as much as you do, but the rules are different than you thought (AF/BB)* * The Natural: *Project a calm and commanding presence* * Bang: *Be bold and forward in your approaches* * Day Bang: *Create the circumstances for plausible deniability and execute* * Ironwood Collection of Alpha Moves: *Do for you, take her along for the ride if she earns it* * 48 Laws of Power (unfinished): *Position yourself wisely* * Art of Seduction (unfinished): *Project sexuality in a way that suits you* * MAP: *Clean up your life* * How to Win Friends and Influence People: *Play to people’s ego* * Mastery (unfinished): *Put in the time to achieve greatness* * The Way of Men: *Men value other men who add value* * Book of Pook: *Celebrate yourself* * The Manipulated Man: *You will not get any credit for being a plow horse - also, your wife’s a whore, too* * The Polygamist Sex: *Don’t turn your wife into your protege, fuck as many women as you like* * The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck: *Choose what is worth suffering for in your life* * Backbone (unfinished): *Live true to yourself* * Conversation Tactics 1-3: *Be able to laugh at yourself and have fun bantering* * Practical Female Psychology: *If you let them, women will manipulate you - have fun with it and keep it light* * Letting Go: The Pathway to Surrender (unfinished): *Accept negative emotions and allow yourself to experience them* * The Red Queen (just started): Somehow I missed this shit, no data yet. * General takeaway from sidebar in TRP and MRP: *These are the tools, and AWALT, so focus on being the best version of yourself possible and you’ll get your dick wet* * Get your testosterone levels checked and write them down * Low. 230-350 range, high SHBG, low estradiol, low free test. Sorting this out now. * Write down your ratio of sexual initiations/rejections * No rejections in recent memory (> 6 months) * Write down the number of women besides your wife you could call right now to chill this weekend * 1 hell yes, 3 maybe * Shit, write down the name of the last girl you flirted with who isn't your wife * Michelle * Write down how many days over the past 15 you have actively gamed your wife * 15 * Write down two things you do that make you a good catch * Sing in a rock band and can make people laugh * Write down what you would do today if you did not have a wife/kids to go home to * Lift, dinner, music or time w kids. Same shit I'd do on a Monday if I were divorced. * Write down what Dread Level you are on * 11 * Write down how many more months you have to go until you are an attractive man with options * 0",,202,donedreadpirate,2018-03-05 18:42:05 askMRP,1ai6sv5,Man-Child looking for ways to stop taking shit tests from wife so personally,"Stats: 26, 2 Kids, Married 5 years, 195 20%BF, Bench: 9x185lb Squat: 10x215lb Deadlift: 3x395lb Read: Praxeology Vol 2 Dread (60%) NMMNGx2, MMSLPx2, WISNIFG, MAP, Pook, TRM, Praxeology Vol 1 Frame I posted in OYS and was recommended to read the No More Mr Man Child post: https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/sv1chu/no\_more\_mr\_manchild/ This resonated with me so deeply, and help me see dysfunctional behaviors that I wasn't immediately aware of Context: In Jr high and high school I used to consume a lot of pickup artist content and stand up comedy, when I would interact with girls I was pretty smooth and confident, in relationships I would backtrack and the facade would drop and my co-dependent nice guy behaviors would surface pretty quickly. When I'm with friends, I get shit tested a lot and I would naturally Agree and Amplify and play into the jokes and not take them personally, I would describe myself as a pretty quick witted, sarcastic, and chill guy While dating my wife she would make a lot of comments of me being too ""literal"" which didn't make any sense to me at the time because that totally contradicted how I was when I hung out with other people outside of our relationship, now I've finally understood what she meant by that. When she shit tests me I will immediately take it personally as a slight and either DEER or try to call her out for being hurtful/rude and try to establish what I thought was a boundary, turns out it was just me being butthurt and trying to feel vindicated This morning I came up behind her to hug her while she was in the kitchen, as soon as I got behind her she stiffened and told me she needed to put dishes away, I got so butthurt that she wasn't receptive to my affection that I immediately tried to call her out for being hurtful, I stopped myself and got over the perceived slight by realizing that I was being extremely unattractive and butthurt Has anyone who has successfully gone through their MAP and had similar issues with not being able to ""turn on"" attractive behaviors with their wife and kill their unattractive behaviors? As I consider all of the content I have read it's difficult to figure out where to focus and start taking action &#x200B;",,1,MySuperbUsername,2024-02-03 21:32:02 askMRP,1ai46h5,Feeling Stagnated in Life and Relationship,"Looking to improve my life On paper, I should have a good life. Financially, Im well within the top 1 percent of humanity. Im in elite shape. No major health problems. 29 years old. However, for the past couple of months I ve felt insanely depressed and stagnated. **My issues:** **Job/Business/Financial**: While my current job pays north of 300k per year, I cant imagine working in corporate America for even another 5 years. I hate doing useless tasks and being a yes man to the person who is above me. I busted my ass on multiple failed side hustles the past 3 years (1 year and 1.5 years of work). The failures are taking a toll on me. I spend more time on the side hustles than actual work. Just not sure how many more failures I can take. I want out and want to run a business, but so far it hasnt worked. The issue is I keep pushing my ""saved up money"" quitting number higher and higher. I had a negative net worth after graduating college. It took me forever just to save 100k and pay off loans. Then money started pouring in though higher income. My savings goals kept increasing. It was 300k, then 400k, then 500k, and so on. Every time I hit the goal, I move it up another 100k. The issue is while this job sucks, I can legitimately retire permanently in 5 years if I push through. Retirement at 35 would be awesome from a business perspective. But I am also trading current time to start a business and my youth for potential freedom later on. Retirement would allow me to focus solely on business ventures without having to worry about income. Unsure what to do on this one. Would rate this 5/10 **My social life**: It kind of sucks. Pre pandemic, I lived in a different area (urban area in different state surrounded by people my age) and had a moderately healthy social life. After, it tumbled and never recovered. It doesnt bother me 90% of the time, but sometimes I wish I had more friends in my area where I live. Some people to lean on other than my wife. My wife is 15 years older than me and most of her friends are older than her. The area we live is also older (40-60 seems avg age). But this area just seems to be lacking. It doesnt help that Im fully remote and now live in the suburbs. Im also a step dad that is younger than all the parents by at least 10 years, so I always feel like an odd man out on that one. I cannot currently go into an office for my work situation. And going into an office negatively effects my other business aspirations. I also believe that lack of friends may be having a negative impact on my relationship with my wife. Unsure where to make friends as an adult. I talk to about 5 ""friends"" regularly, but they are all scattered across the country (2 live in my state but are an hour plus drive), so we dont actually meet up in person anymore - Do I start going to social gyms? Focus on building network for my business Im working on? Do I return to coaching sports which would cause a hit to either my finances or business development? Return to an office sacrificing current salary and otherwise great setup? Any advice here would be helpful. Would rate this 2/10. **Family**: Luckily, I have had much stronger family ties with siblings and parents since the pandemic. Most live within 45 minutes drive. Would rate this 6/10 **Relationship**: While I love my wife, we have issues. She is 15 years older. My wife make 2.5 million a year. The income disparity causes a lot of issues. Its odd because for my age, I make more than everyone i know. For her group of people and her age, Im basically poor. Her job also requires a lot of travel, which we fight over. Further, we also have fights over how involved her ex husband should be. She is also way more social than me and has 100x more friends than myself. Again, this isnt a major issue most of the time, but I wonder if their is some resentment on her part that she ""beats"" me in these areas. She also has 3 kids from a previous marriage. Generally, I dont mind the situation, but it does sometimes cause resentment on my part Would rate this 4/10 **Health**: No known issues and on paper, healthier than 99 percent of population Would rate this 8/10 So there it is. Im looking to primarily improve in my business/financial/Job and social spaces. I think these would tangentially improve my relationship issues, which is why that one is not a focus for the time being. Anyone who has gone through similar things, please chime in. How would you suggest improving on these?",,1,IAM_NOT_GREG_SCHIANO,2024-02-03 19:36:20 askMRP,1af0juu,Thoughts on showing vulnerability,"Hi everyone. First time posting here with a question that I’m keen to get some different perspectives on. I discovered MRP 8 months ago, done a lot of the work suggested and it’s undoubtedly improved my outlook on life. Each month I seem to get a new understanding of all this wisdom. I’ve no doubt this time next year I’ll have even more of a deeper understanding. I didn’t hit the sub like many in here who have been struggling for a long time. I have a loving wife and for the most part I’ve owned my shit and I’ve long been super disciplined in many areas of my life including working out. I just had a general feeling that my relationship had shifted ever so slightly from an upward to a downward trajectory hence I found the sub which highlighted areas that needed fixing immediately. So to my question, I’ve found that recently I’m beginning to reject a couple of MRP ideas, mainly the idea of being vulnerable with your wife. For several months after red pilling I STFU in a major way. I didn’t complain in the slightest, didn’t share any of my worries, I was super careful with how much I shared and kept my emotion completely in check. I didn’t utter a single moan about things happening at work, kept my mouth shut when there was major issues I was dealing with (I have a high pressure job). I was striving to be the oak. The thing is, this approach led to me becoming super bottled up with emotion. I found myself getting irrationally angry (which isn’t my style at all) not to mention I had a very odd feeling that I was censoring myself so much to the point where I was becoming a fucking robot. It almost become hard to have a conversation and connect with my wife. She’s a smart women and I genuinely appreciate her feedback when I’m working through an issue, especially a work related problem. After months of being what I had taken to be an oak I was ready to blow. I’ve since come to the conclusion that never sharing a problem with my wife, and pushing too hard to be ultra stoic at all times is actually not attractive. Not only am I not being genuine, but by displaying my emotion every so often (of course in a controlled way) shows her my passion. The key, I think, is to share vulnerability when you feel you need to share, but do so in a way where you aren’t: - Secretly expecting some form of validation - Labouring over and over (vent or share, discuss the solution and then move past it) - Whining consistently (these should be limited to a handful of times a month max) Am I completely missing the point with any of this? Part of me wonders whether I’m in some form of denial stage hence why I’m questioning certain MRP ideas, or do you agree that part of the MRP journey is deciding which ideas you accept and which you dismiss?",,9,Click-Foreign,2024-01-30 21:54:02 askMRP,1ae8wpy,Vagiphobia example in NMMNG,"I just finished Chapter 9 in NMMNG and was slightly thrown off by Dr. Glover's example of a ""Nice Guy"" named Allen, hitting on a coworker on a work trip, seducing her, and then refusing to have sex with her after when she asks him up to her room. All because he likes the sexual energy, but doesn't want to mess up the work relationship. I'm struggling to see the difference between Allen's example, and some other writings on Plate Theory and gaming women, which seems to be a common RP practice. Is Allen's example primarily ""Nice Guy Behavior"" because he's acting out of frustration with his wife? Or is there something else about the example that I am missing? Thanks! EDIT: Chapter 9, not Chapter 10, the Audiobook numbering is off because of the preface. &#x200B;",,12,moog_phatty,2024-01-29 22:57:46 askMRP,19exgzn,How much time to start on OYS?,"I’ve wanted to start OYS posts for a while, so sometimes I’ll start drafting them in notes during the week, then the weekend comes and there’s no way I can explain how chaotic things go sometimes without spending an hour. Sometimes weekends are boring and not much to report. But for OYS #1, is that normally a first post to fill in all the background or do you guys go search through history to find stuff that’s left out? I’ve already had a few posts here that should fill in some back story, so I’m wondering how much the first few OYS posts should cover. I’ve been lurking for a long time (years, but only started attempting in fall 2023) but I don’t have spare hours per week right now. For those that do look back, no I haven’t quit drinking but I have reduced. Still not to a safe level or one that makes me lose what little frame I have sometimes. We tried couples counseling last year for only a few sessions, then got too busy. Trying again now, only been twice. Currently the solution to my sexual frustration is for me to jump into a bucket of ice, which my wife did purchase and is now waiting for me in the backyard. I’ve told the people that have seen it that it’s to help me recover from lifting. Still doing good in the gym. TLDR: I want to OMS but I have so little time to fit in so much info I don’t know where to start.",,0,BraveNewWorld1722,2024-01-25 01:33:29 askMRP,19dkmkq,How far to push my jealous gf?,"I posted [yesterday](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/s/Y9yrJeChtv) and received awesome feedback. I’m starting to read When I Say No, I Feel Guilty. As far as I can tell, the two major improvements I can make in my LTR are STFU and doing the stuff I want without caring if it upsets her. However, I’ve done some of that in the past and she’s literally turned batshit crazy to the point where I actually got scared. The “worst” I’ve done was tell her I booked my flight to go to Cancun with a buddy to go on a boat he rented and she guessed there were going to be prostitutes on it (I found out later she was right) - I canceled and didn’t go because I pushed her too far and I literally told myself it would be morally wrong to go. I mean, I don’t want to go on a boat with prostitutes - it’s not my thing. I was just doing it to make it “worse before it gets better”. The other event where something similar happened is when I went to a friend’s birthday abroad for a weekend and someone I once dated was there - although she didn’t turn batshit crazy it was CONSTANT nagging for weeks prior and weeks afterwards. This is where I’m not sure where the STFU and “do what you want” come in. In the second occasion, I did STFU and did go by myself regardless of her feelings, and she still brought up the topic almost daily for weeks. So are you saying my goal should be to do this kind of stuff several times in a row until she accepts it? And just accept she will try to destroy me daily for… say… 6 months? And then it gets better? Thanks for your advice",,0,nelty78,2024-01-23 09:30:53 askMRP,19cys34,Jealous LTR GF,"I’m super excited to have found this subreddit - I started the red pill about 3 years ago and never looked back. Here’s what I’ve done: - Read Rational Male & Preventive Medicine - Read NMMNG - Consistently hit the gym 3x a week for the last 2 years - Been with my current LTR for 2.5 years - Hit 7figs with my own business - I don’t share my problems with her, I would stay my frame control is good - She relocated to another country with me - Sex is awesome, I’m the one holding back if anything - I had a porn addiction, but I started Nofap 80 days ago and holding strong Unfortunately, despite all this I still feel like I can make a lot of progress. And here’s why. My GF gets jealous every chance she gets, and it’s a lot better now, so that sucks whenever I have to go on a work trip or if I want to get drinks with a buddy. I stumbled on MRP and I’m hoping that the key to this is here somewhere. I also want to keep improving to always be on top and I do plan to get married, next year. My dream is to get to the point where I can go get drinks with a buddy or go on a work trip and she doesn’t mind, doesn’t complain, doesn’t text or call to check what I’m doing. Can MRP help me get there? How? Thank you",,7,nelty78,2024-01-22 15:55:29 askMRP,19bir8u,"Setting up my business, wife suddenly bitchy","Hey, long-time lurker here. Married for 10+ years with a 3.5-year-old child. I did my homework \~7 years ago and turned around a trainwreck of life and marriage. Almost stopped coming to the reddits, just enjoyed life. Read everything (maybe I need a re-read). Moved from literally a 110lbs twink to 165lbs at 5'8. Very solid finances; we own two properties, no mortgage, with the equivalent of another property in savings. Sex and life, in general, were very good throughout the years, and I had no concerns until now. We were always a crazy couple, much into partying with a big group of friends. I was laid off four months ago (first time in my life; never had problems, was considering quitting anyway) and decided to go full into creating my own business. Spent some time researching, gathering data, etc., and currently prototyping. I can expect months of long hours. I communicated all this, and miss seemed to be fine with it, even excited. Until now. The symptoms: \- PMS got worse \- nagging for comically minor stuff \- 'won't be giving you money' shit tests \- miss started going out with friends more and pay more attentiont to her looks I think I handle this okay, but at one time, miss burst with 'I'm losing respect for you sitting on your ass all day doing nothing.' I responded with some comfort. I AM partying less, I'll give you that, spending more hours setting up my stuff. This might be a factor. Other than that, nothing changed. I'm still having a social life. What am I doing wrong/not seeing?",,17,i-ohp-your-bench,2024-01-20 18:49:28 askMRP,19aop3m,Any advice for how to read the sidebar with a degree of privacy?,"I've been putting off reading a lot of the sidebar for years because it just seems fucking awkward to have this pile of books show up on my doorstep for my wife to dig through and evaluate. I realize a lot of these can be pirated as a PDF, and I've done that with some of it, but I'm curious to hear any other suggestions. How did you consume the sidebar?",,11,moog_phatty,2024-01-19 17:36:26 askMRP,19aab78,Covert contract?,"I pretty new to this and I'm going through NMMNG and though it doesn't seem like me at all there are useful things in it. my question is that expecting a woman who stay s at home willingly to care for a child while you work, expecting her to take care of the house a covert contract? I suspect no but thanks for any input.",,6,[deleted],2024-01-19 04:16:46 askMRP,199rbsb,Incongruence on desires?,"I believe I am starting to come out of the anger phase. I am beginning to realize that everything is my fault. Things are the way they are because they lacked frame and was unable to enforce boundaries. Now that is changing, I am starting to do what I want when I want to. Lately, I have focused on creating my map and sharing how my girlfriend can fit into it. My vision is to have a captain-first officer dynamic within a power couple framework. (i.e. We are both on an individual quest for self-betterment.) So far, I've gotten buy-in. She will do things with me (go to the gym, read improvement books with me). I can feel myself starting to have hope that we can get on the right track. This is mainly because I am taking the responsibility to get there whether or not she gets there. However, as we go down this path, I am starting to find a new incongruence in my desires: 1. I like my girlfriend and believe getting us into this power couple dynamic will make me happy 2. I want to fuck other girls and take advantage of my newfound SVM There is a part of me that believes I should continue to work on myself and: 1. See if my girlfriend can get the relationship to where I want it to be and then decide if I still want to fuck other girls. (This would likely require the most personal growth) 2. Blow everything up, fuck other girls, and then find someone I can get to fit into this power-dynamic couple idea that I have. My lizard brain wants 2, but I believe I can look back with the most pride on what I built if I choose 1. So my question is - for people who went down route 1 - \- How long did you give your SO before deciding to blow everything up?- How did you know that she wasn't going to make the cut?- Did you feel guilty when deciding to break it off? (There is a part of me that believes it will be time to call it off when I don't feel guilty for calling it off bc I will be clear that the relationship isn't working based on clear expectations). (I.e. One doesn't feel guilty for firing someone who hasn't met clear expectations) Also, feel free to check me if my mental models are fucked up.",,9,alldownhillfrhere,2024-01-18 14:26:18 askMRP,198afij,Improving SMV by exposing wife to beta men,"I usually don't talk about tricks or hacks, but, I've been applying a new type of dread recently. Of course SWOLE is the GOAL and we should be praying at the iron temple, but, there are other moves we can do to increase our relative sexual value in the eyes of our wife. If you try to keep your wife from seeing Alpha men in person or in media and instead have her see more beta men more often it will help her see that your value is much higher than most men. People tend to notice the frequency of things that stand out and get the impression it is more common. So, if she sees alpha men every day, she'll assume most men are alpha. Ideally she sees at least 10 beta men for each alpha man to compensate. To make this work in my favor I've done the following: There is a really fat guy at work, and his wife is ugly too. I planned a double date with him so my wife would see the kind of guy she could be with if I left her. I even picked a barbeque place so she'd see him getting all covered in sauce and licking his fingers. It worked like a charm, on the ride home she was all ""why did you make me go to this dinner, is he even a friend of yours?"". Lol, exactly, worked like a charm. At home I won't let her watch any shows or movies with masculine characters. Instead I'll suggest sitcoms with dorky or fat guys. We watched the entire series of Everybody Loves Raymond this summer. Surprisingly it was actually pretty funny too, which worked out. We did watch Game of Thrones, even though there are a lot of alpha guys in that, there are tons of boobs, so, of course it was worth it. Ironically I liked Everybody Loves Raymond more, the GoT plots were kind of contrived, but, boobs was worth it. Does anyone have any other ideas about their experiences doing this or other ways to expose her to beta men? So far it really seems to work. Back when she used to work around a lot of guys at a shop her sex drive was really high, but now she stays home with the kids and I control her exposure to other men and I'm always the one initiating now. Just last week I got two blowjobs plus sex. I'm basically her only outlet for sexual feelings. Just sharing notes. Strength Motherfuckers Edit: forgot the /S",,0,InChargeMan,2024-01-16 18:46:01 askMRP,197gom2,"Raising my boy right, and empowering my wife to help","Part of my MAP is to raise my boy to be a confident and kind person that you’d be proud to have on your side. My 8 year old only child gets a lot of attention. My goal lately has been to give him the right attention and help him go through all the new emotional and physical growth he’s going through. We wrestle, have dad/son adventures and routines, read and build together. I’m wondering some good books to read for my very creative boy. I’m also wondering how you handled a wife who is parenting in a different style. She has more of a short fuse so my boy has learned to get his way with her. I’m also concerned she’s raising him to not so much embrace masculinity. And I don’t mean extremist Andrew Tate mindset (first one I can think of) I just mean there is a way to raise boys and I don’t think my wife understands that. Are there any books or podcasts you’d recommend? Have you gone through this",,8,billisdue,2024-01-15 18:59:54 askMRP,194dbbm,Telling how much I make to wife?," What is the approach? I don’t wanna tell but now she is mad because “ I am having secrecy in the relationship “. I tried to keep frame telling her that if she needs anything just let me know but now she is annoyed. For context we have been living together for 5y. I just don’t know what good would come from telling her; must say she has responsible spending (no excesses). I am in finance and am doing very well. What is the correct approach? Thanks.",,0,fmdfmd01,2024-01-11 21:40:33 askMRP,1934d3b,What beginner routine did you start with and are you happy with the one you picked?,"Hello, i have been in and out of the gym past 10yrs, never really stuck to it. After finding this sub i can see how important it is. I tried SS a couple times, i think i tried the Reddit ppl a few years ago but it took too long time wise with the job and kids. I do bjj several times a week. What beginner routine did you pick? Are you happy with the one you chose? What would you have done differently looking back? I saw a post today mentioning phraks workout but after reading reviews people were saying it's not great, but those reviews were from 5-10 years ago",,5,Hatertraito,2024-01-10 09:26:25 askMRP,192hobl,Issues with bitterness with my LTR,"Background: 35M 33F, married 12 years. Together 16. 2 boys and another (boy/girl?) on the way Read: NMMNG,MMSLP, TMM, TSAONGAF Reading: WISNIFG. Currently 34% in. RP side bar 43% in, RP Christian sidebar 71% in. I am having issues letting go of what I think I deserve. I feel like RP is making my ego worse. When I first started before I even started lifting and doing OYS I started acting more assertive while being aloof. Everyone including my wife went along. I had an angry phase, posted a victim puke but now my issue is more bitterness. I find it impossible to be fun loving at the moment. My wife is trying but I cannot cut her slack for anything. Since we talked (fought while I was drinking) about it she has gotten ready every day and started doing more work around the house. But she is not happy about it and that makes me resent her. I know I’m not worth it yet. My ego is huge and the small progress I have made might be going to my head but the fact that that she can’t happily serve me makes me even more upset than her not carrying her weight. I went to give her a kiss after I got off of work and she was all tense. So much so that my son asked: “mom, why do you look so uncomfortable?”. I pulled away and asked her to answer. It took prying but she said she was upset that she got ready for me and that I was busy all day. I work from home, so I was around but had meetings and got my blood drawn during lunch since I was fasting that day. We had plans that night to do some fun running around together which I would have been able to appreciate her but. She acted coldly most of the day. I didn’t like that so when my son asked if I was going with I said I don’t know. Wife got upset looked at me and I told her I changed my mind about the evening because I didn’t feel like spending time with an ice cube. She left with the kids(took them to the events they had planned) and I went grocery shopping and meal prepped for myself. Before she left I asked why she was so cold and she told me straight up that she was upset that she has been getting ready. And it shows all the extra(normal things stay at home moms should do) things she is doing is making her upset. I cemented that I don’t want to spend time with someone who felt that way and she left. As she was gone I worked and tried to calm down to some podcasts. She got back, tried to act loving to me but I couldn’t bring myself to reconcile. She asked me to talk about it, I refused, asked me to come to the bedroom while she changed, I refused. I got the kids to bed and then just played guitar while she mopped and then went to bed. I went to bed separately. Tried to reset it this morning but she is pissed. This is just one example of how our fights seem to be going lately. Honestly feels like making life worse. I’m not happier than I was and she is miserable now. She keeps talking about how her attraction towards me is building and that she wants to let it build and see where it goes but I feel it’s all bull or pregnancy related. Haven’t had sex since new years and I feel that was a pity lay. To me it’s all garbage if we aren’t smashing. I just started to get to the meat of WISNIFG and literally read about the tools that could have helped last night before going to sleep but man I don’t know what to do. Outcome independence is completely lost on me and I am stuck with a constant angry face. I’m lifting and reading as much as I can. STFU Seems impossible at the current time as she is pregnant and I don’t want to nuke my marriage for not providing comfort which I am trying to do but it’s just difficult. I take every possible perceived slight personally and I react. This is what I really need help with.",,6,RedRum-My-Ego,2024-01-09 15:47:10 askMRP,190jnea,Selecting a gym,"I found this place 4 or so months ago and started working out on a bowflex that I had stored away in the basement. I’ve seen pretty decent results on it but have maxed out the machine, have a long way to go to achieve my goals and do not want to stall my progress. I’ve been looking into a rack setup for a while, but am not in a position to drop a couple thousand dollars getting what I want. I started looking into a gym membership but I live in a rural area and do not have many options. There is Planet Fitness and Anytime Fitness in the area. Both are out of my way and not terribly convenient, but was wondering if anyone else can provide any insight into these options. I have never worked out at a commercial gym before, no idea what they have for equipment, obviously going to have to learn my way around new machines. If anyone has any suggestions or links to old posts it would be much appreciated!",,4,nakedjenga92,2024-01-07 04:30:52 askMRP,18zawfl,How Do You Practically Change Mental Models?,"**Stats:** 23yo 5'8"" 178lbs, 4y married, 3mo daughter Reading: NMMNGx3(20%), WISNIFGx2, TWotSM, TRM, MMSLP, MAP, PFP, Pook, Frame, Mystery Method Lifts: SQ: 195x5, DL: 365x5, BP: 175x5, OHP: 105x5, Row: 165x5 **The Question:** I have some anger poking through in my OYS that has been noticed. After some feedback and self-reflection, it seems to me that a lot of this anger is rooted in my ego. If I feel attacked by my wife in any sense, my responses are sometimes controlled WISNIFG tools or I’ll drop the ball and give an angry/bitter response. BUT I always feel bitter, not just when I show it, but even when I’m able to somewhat mask it with a fogging/NI/NA response. If someone judges me in any way, I’m affected by it, good or bad. So I basically have weak frame, and people are able to get to me because my self-worth is rooted in what they say about me, good or bad. I know this is in large part due to my fragile ego. The second part to this is that I know if I’m able to respect myself by putting in the work for self-improvement, I won’t care as much when someone tells me I’m “this” or I’m “that”. But at this point, I don’t think I’m hot shit because I’m not. Realistically, if someone says something bad about how socially awkward I am, they’re right, I am a little socially awkward. So how do I take that and not care? I do care and I’m working to improve it, but until I get there, it'll affect the way I view myself. So my question is: What are the practical ways to change a mental model? How do I actually drop my ego to the point of not caring what anyone thinks, regardless of what it is? Do you just repeat it in your head? Write it down a lot? Get in situations that trigger the emotion and talk yourself through it, kind of like exposure therapy? So far, I’ve been doing all of these things, but it’s still an issue for me. I’m wondering if I’m missing something. ",,10,King-Vemtren,2024-01-05 16:28:48 askMRP,18z4sdz,Helping My Ex Out Occassionally,"Stats: 5’8 / 156 lbs / Divorcing after 13 years Together Warning, a little bit of Victim Puke, but I do have a question at the end. I am currently in familiar, but unfamiliar territory in my life. My soon to be ex wife and I are going our separate ways, and we have a 3 year old together (the unfamiliar part). I’ve posted this before, but just a quick summary: when my wife was pregnant, I didn’t give her that support that she wanted. Then, the last 2 years or so, I pretty much lost all attraction for her and I became a bitch/drunk captain, whatever. This girl worshipped the ground I walked on for the last 10 or so years, then lost attraction to me, understandably so, and gave me the “ILYBINILWY” line. We will be doing a 50/50 custody split of our son. She’s basically friendzoned me at this point, which is something I haven’t done in the past, and have no desire to do now. However, now that I have a kid with her, this changes things for me. Not to mention the guilt and regret I have over being a neglectful and overly critical husband who settled with a wife he was only mildly attracted to in the beginning due to not wanting to be alone (I hate to admit this, but I see it now). Even now, I would continue to stay with her if only because of our kid and because of my regret, if given the opportunity (I believe this is part of When I Say No, I Feel Guilty). Last month, she has suggested that we can go out to eat occasionally with our son and do things together even after the divorce. Currently, we still do things for each other, or go out shopping some times. We make breakfast for each other and we still sleep in the same bed with our son. I know all of this is helping her transition until she finds someone else. Again, it’s not something I really want to do, but feel like I almost have to do because I think that I owe her because I wasted 13 years of our lives. She has recently asked me for help after we go our separate ways. For now, it’s little things like taking a apart a trampoline we bought for our son for Christmas, and putting it back together again at her new place. She is also taking a job that will require her to work late and so she won’t be able to pick up our son after daycare and has asked if I could pick him up, then she would get him after work. Do I owe her this much? Do I owe her anything? Again, I only ask because of my drunk captain behavior. When she eventually finds another man and no longer wants me to help her out, do I just suck it up even though it will hurt like a bitch? This would be an easier decision if I found someone else, but I have to work on myself before that.",,7,FlayerofSpiders,2024-01-05 11:30:44 askMRP,18z1mbd,What would you have done in this situation? (Building Frame and failing at it),"Hi Everyone. So lately I have been on this journey of the MRP. I have slowly but surely building my own mental point of origin and frame. One of the things I have realized is that I don't want to pay on dates anymore... at all!Why? Because I think the type of girl that would expect me to pay for isn't the one I want to end up with in an LTR. And also, as Rian Stone puts it... Why lead the relationship with money it in this day and age? Women make probably more money than you anyway. So let's cue the interaction: I went on a date last night, I think everything went well, although I really wasn't super interested in the girl, I believe she enjoyed me. When the bill came, I made sure to only pay my half of the meal, even if I was feeling super uncomfortable (Is this normal? Why would I feel so bad emotionally, even tho this decision really makes sense and appeals to me?). When she arrived after her bathroom break, she really wasn't expecting to pay at all, and this girl did not came prepared to pay. Her credit card was expired, no money, not even phone pay (google play or something). At that moment, my nice guy issues were telling me to pay, but I hold off this feeling for a good 15 minutes while she was trying to sort out a way to pay. She finally just asks me to pay for her and that she would send me the money later. At this point I caved, and I did pay, even if I know this is a clear manipulation of her. What would you guys have done in this situation? Let it burn? I was so uncomfortable the hole way and didn't want to leave a restaurant I like without paying... After that, the girl profusely apologized and gave excuses about it. Now, I really don't mind the money... Wasn't that expensive at all, and I believe she was genuine about the situation but I still feel like shit.. So I wanted to ask you guys is it normal to feel so much like shit when you change your frame and the actions that come with it? And what would you have done? Edit: Thanks guys for all the replies I do take into account everything you guys say even tho I normally dont reply because its is too much information.",,0,DECRYPT_ERROR,2024-01-05 08:01:00 askMRP,18ww8jv,Did I Rambo?,"32/ 5’8 170lbs / married 3 years, wife (33), 2 year old daughter I’ve started my MRP journey about 4 months ago, focusing heavily on the pre-requisite materials like NMMNG, WISNIFG, and MMSLP. I was a pushover career beta for most of my life, but made quick changes in regard to recognizing and halting manipulation, putting my own needs first, and lifting. I emphasized a lot of my initial steps on establishing boundaries that were desperately needed against the disrespectful behavior directed toward me. Ive resorted to eliminating DLV behavior like DEERing by just STFU, and not reacting emotionally anymore to shit tests. Wife seems to have been getting more and more angry at this new behavior, “you used to be such a yes man but you’re just a cold asshole now”. She has progressed to saying more and more disrespectful things which I sense could be out of frustration because I’m not DEERing like a child at her anymore. Example: I left my slippers in the middle of the hallway the other day, she reacts “wow I could easily trip over these and die and you would be a screwed single dad having to pay for a baby-sitter”, I responded by just giggling because I find it so absurd. The same day my daughter was whining for daddy and didn’t want my wife, I was doing some Sunday cleaning and was really dirty so I couldn’t get to her before bathing, “she wants you, idk why you don’t even give a shit about her or you’d have some urgency to attend to her.” These are some just recent examples but I’m noticing the less I react or care about her stupid angry moods, the angrier and more unhinged she is getting with her responded, like she is trying to find a breaking point to get me to react with anger. Did I move too fast or is this a giant shit test on pulling me back into her frame.",,15,testingblocks,2024-01-02 18:22:50 askMRP,18wt64x,Wife never wants comfort,"I'm almost 2 years into my MRP journey. Lots of ups and downs but even at its peak and to this day wife never seeks comfort. Meaning very few goodbye kisses sleep on opposite ends of the bed, after sex no cuddling etc. This doesn't bother me and in no way use those things as a source of validation but I'm wondering if this is normal/common? 18 yrs together. Early-mid 40s. Fwiw, se has a bad case of Napoleon syndrome.",,9,thewayof-vikings,2024-01-02 16:18:54 askMRP,18uz0l4,"In YOUR experience, what small, simple changes / mindset shifts created the quickest results in your marriage?","This is not a post searching for a magic pill or a way to avoid doing the work. Don't fool yourself. There are no shortcuts. But for men who are starting to journey, what small changes could they implement RIGHT AWAY to start getting results, based on your personal experience? TLDR: What in your ACTUAL EXPERIENCE (not theory) were the highest leverage, highest ROI changes or tweaks to your relationship? This post is about creating meaningful short term results while we also working on the long term game. Share below.",,13,hopeunseen,2023-12-31 04:13:15 askMRP,18uz4xk,Building meaning - advice for a younger guy,"Ive been following redpill/blackpill/purplepill for awhile now. Current issue: lacking purpose in life. My friends are either partying, travelling or in LTR and Im not fitting in. Im not happy in my own skin. 1 year since divorce no kids no debt. 73kgs, 175cms around 10% bf 25M frugal. College degree, living with parents. Physical frame: Ive been trying to build my frame with the infos here. My physique is phenomenal, ive always been an athlete till college. Its hard to improve, unless I consider other dimensions such as flexibility or exceling at a particular sport (ive been just going to the gym for the past years). Or I do limb lengthening, ive been considering that since it makes sense statistically. I have been building my friend groups again, Ive been trying to be more assertive and dominant which is not that hard with younger guys. Intelectual and emotional frame I have a college degree and Im pursuing further education/specialization because thats something I genuinely like and value. Emotionally, I miss competitive sports. It gave me such powerful tools to deal with despair, anger and all the feelings of power control. Facing better and bigger opponents I would feel vulnerable, but then remembering all my team mates and coaches I would get a second wind and give it my all. Facing defeat I would cry and strive to improve so I would win next time. No bullshit excuses, never complain. Just the belief in me and the strength of honoring my team. In real life and after like 5 years, Ive been feeling sorry for myself lately and come up with excuses. I often belittle myself in my head, I feel like im undermining myself and my confidence in a loop Im trying to get out. There are always guys making better money, more handsome, taller, etc. Its a fact Im not dealing well with. I do not know what I want to do with my life. A few years ago, I wanted to be a husband and be the best father to my kids (which I dont have). Those dreams have fallen to pieces, and so have I. I mean I still do but the idea of marriage and love I had and that I have now is completely different. Most of the content here is related to how you deal with women. I have none in my life and honestly Im not looking forward to it. I believed in love through thick and thin, but now I see that you have to swallow a lot of pain and shut the fuck up. Not complain. Keep working, keep lifting, keep grinding. At the end of the days its always you vs the world. I miss that puppy love where I did my thing and the other person apparently loved me for who I was. The thought of conditional love is scary. I understand I need to fabricate a life and a person which Im not comfortable with, Ive always been naive and genuine. Going to work and assume the corporate facade is exausting by itself. Coming home and assuming an husband facade must be overwhelming. I could venture myself to make more money 100%. I could try and get a new girl. I could try to get a place of my own even if its not the best decision financially (this is a step I want for absolute freedom). Yes I could definetely do that but I have no motivation. What can I use as motivation to keep going? Whats the purpose of improving your frame and your life if you dont believe in ""love""? It sounds super gay but please be patient (not condescending). Open to harsh advice and eye opening criticism. Im really struggling with meaning at this stage of life.",,1,RedditSucks369,2023-12-31 04:19:53 askMRP,18tp1xc,Can obligated compliance turn into genuine compliance?,"I had a conversation with my girlfriend about not being ready to propose. She was upset but understood. She promised to finally follow through with the changes I asked her to make. \- Get into shape \- Put the effort into our relationship \- Try to be in her feminine \- Better sex life I have this fairy tale in my head that it will be okay and that she will grow into the woman that I always wanted to be with. I genuinely want that. But at the end of the day, I don't believe she will consistently put in the effort to achieve those goals. So here is my question - Is the idea that I will turn her into the woman of my dreams one giant covert contract? Do the people here with successful marriages feel like they have to have a theoretical gun to the relationship's head for it to succeed? &#x200B; &#x200B;",,7,alldownhillfrhere,2023-12-29 15:02:00 askMRP,18sdcs3,Server case of Oneitis or…?," I have finally built enough courage to write to this community as I am asking for help and insights. I already know this is a severe case of oneitis but bare with me as I seem to wrongly apply the rules during this relationship. My gf of 1 year left on an international trip to visit her family back home. Our relationship was rocky so we decided to end it on her last day amicably. However, during her travels we messaged continuously and seems like the relationship was revived. We decided on spending the new year eve together. She was supposed to be back on Christmas Day after 3 weeks. I shared with her that I went out with friends in the city drinking and couldn’t answer the phone when she called multiple times. After that she went silent. With no messages and without responding to me messages. I exercised outcome indifference here. Assuming she is throwing an attitude so I stopped communicating with her as well. At the same time I started planing for NYE and chose venue which needed tickets and reservations. The date is getting closer so I need to make arrangements. Tried contacting her but she was agitated I am trying to reach her. I explained that I needed to make decisions and need feedback but she just said to wait until she is back. On Christmas Day I went to the airport to pick her up very excited to see her after all this time. She doesn’t expect me to pick her up so I didn’t expect any communication to only find she postponed her trip till the 30th! I called her and was very upset to why she didn’t inform me as I waited at the airport for over 2 hours. But when I thought about it I found that it was my mistake expecting a covert contract of her telling me of the change in plans. She messages messaged me expressing how sorry she was and that she appreciated what I did. I am now very lost. On one hand I feel that since we officially broke up she is not in the wrong updating me on her plans. But since she agreed on spending the NYE together and us getting back I feel that was disrespectful on her part. I am debating whether to take this personal and just not go to pick her up on her arrival day and not expect anything anymore. Or wait until she is back, pick her up and understand the reason behind lack of communication and hostile attitude. We shared so much together and I feel like things could work out. But I am ready to be roasted by the community. I lift everyday and very successful financially. The crazy part is during her travels and because I was very upset with her I met two ladies that I kept on rotation since then. But contrary to what the community says having these (hotter and younger) alternatives didn’t even come close to substitute the feeling I have to her. Not sure how to analyze this.",,0,Livid-Original-2824,2023-12-27 22:37:19 askMRP,18scby8,"Is there a ""how to"" for field reports?","I didn't find anything on a simple search. What goes into one? Audience: Is it more for international or external consumption? Thank you in advance",,1,father_of_6,2023-12-27 21:54:21 askMRP,18lxow2,Practical Female Psychology - Dissociation,"Hi everyone Can someone provide me with more information about this topic? I did not understand this part of the book very well. Rian Stone tries to explain a little in his video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=frfzN4T0VrA&list=PLXmCJkDEG4IopqTVgVDr78wUWNRwdJMSD&index=5 But I don't fully understand the concept yet.",,5,DECRYPT_ERROR,2023-12-19 09:10:47 askMRP,18lh5wp,Why is ilybinilwy so impossible to come back from?,"Question In title. Shouldn't coming back from this be the same as any low desire scenario? Increase smv and become a high value individual? Interested to hear thoughts, I have read through the entire thread around this.",,10,TeBloody9,2023-12-18 19:27:10 askMRP,18keywa,"Neglectful Husband, and Wife Wants a Divorce"," 5’8 / 159 lbs / 43 / 1 Kid / Together 13 years, Married 8 I’m posting this here as I’m ready to start posting in OYS. Background: I found PUA/Redpill stuff a long time ago, around 2001 or 2002. I constantly practiced it, but never really internalized it although I did have success with it. I always struggled with depression and suicidal ideation (which I attempted when I was in my 20s) and up until my kid was born a few years ago, still thought about occasionally. When I got with my wife, I always wanted to be strong enough to leave if I ever had to and felt like I could. However, once I had a kid, things changed for me. Prior to that, I constantly wanted other women, even cheated a couple of times. But when my kid was born, I wanted to become a family man. However, I felt trapped now and that I could never leave my wife and that she would have to be the one to leave me (even though I thought this was impossible). I pretty much ignored her throughout the pregnancy and didn’t give her much intimate attention throughout the pregnancy due to her weight gain, although I was there for hospital visits and such. After my kid was born, I became obsessed with video games, politics, the culture war, spending time online. I would barely shower, or take care of myself while my wife did everything around the house. I also let her handle all the bills for a while, which has been a disaster as we are both in debt. I also spent a lot of time with my kid and only occasionally some time with my wife. I constantly rejected her sexual advances. She never gave me any drama and always did things for me up until October, when she got drunk and let me have it. I became resentful towards her as a result. A few weeks later, I snooped through her phone and found suspicious activity that has made me paranoid ever since. I’m not necessarily jealous, because of my past actions of infidelity, as I do understand that she wants attention from someone. Still, I want a stable family life with my child growing up in a stable home with both parents. I do love my wife, even if she is not my ideal. My SMV is or was higher than hers. Most of my actions, even recently have been an attempt at pushing her away to protect my ego from hurt, even if it is not necessarily what I want. She has plans to divorce me currently, which I’m not assisting her with because I think that it is a betrayal of our child. The past few weeks, I have engaged in supplicating behavior (which I should have done a little of before instead of the last minute out of desperation). I’ve been back and forth with my actions of trying to push her away, then trying to pull her back in again because of my own internal struggle with trying to be nonchalant, but also caring. We go out on dates, or she will call me to hang out for a bit and I have consistently been there for her the past week, neglecting my job. I’ve been trying to not be neglectful to her like I was previously, but I struggle between that and my pride of just letting her go her own way. I originally tried to fake confidence, especially the first few weeks after I found out about the other guy, but it has been forced and she has called me out on it. I tried to have sex with her randomly, but couldn’t even get an erection due to the stress and anxiety. I’ve been trying to work out, focus on my job, build a social circle, go to church, reconnect with family that I pushed away and recently started seeing a therapist. I’m not in terrible shape as I’ve always been off and on with working out, but I have a bench at home that I’ve been using, but I’ve been struggling to get a consistent routine going for the past few years. A very weird part of me wanted to bring my own SMV down, so that I could stop wanting other women and be a family man and be happy with my wife. There is a lot more to the story, little details and I’m basically doing all the wrong things…like I broke down in front of her last week and told her I never loved her. Then yesterday, I told her that I always loved her. I blew up at her (first time I did this to her) after she threatened to take our son and leave the house if I didn’t give my guns to her brother to hold on to until our lease is up next year and we go our separate ways. I bought a bunch of gifts for her for Christmas, which I’ve since returned due to not being able to really afford it and also because I did it out of desperation. I’ve never been a giving person, even to my own family. I’m not really sure what I’m doing right now. I am reading NMMNG and going through the side bar. I started reading MMSLP, but it no longer seems applicable right now as I received the “ILYBINILWY” line last month. My wife has been checked out for a few months now and has rarely shown an emotional response to any of my actions. She has gotten angry with me when I try to bring up the past, or try to fix the relationship. Last thing, I became too open with her over the years and she knows of my past and PUA. This year, I didn’t realize it, but she had been probing me about redpill stuff and I broke the first rule of Fight Club. I think she is trying to run game on me now, but it is fake and I can tell when she is manipulating me. I’m starting to realize that the relationship is not fixable and am ready to prepare accordingly. But, a part of me is still doing what I can to save the marriage. Right now, we no longer have sex or kiss. I haven't had sex since late November or even masturbated. I do hug her still and cuddle. I have been also trying to flirt with her a little as well...just because that's what I do. She used to wear two rings, but has taken one off after my last blow up. I've been more active around the house, cleaning up and cooking, trying to get into a routine for me. I've also been caring for my mother as well who has been in depression since my dad died in 2020 and is about to lose her home. So, shit is just crazy now.",,0,FlayerofSpiders,2023-12-17 10:59:15 askMRP,18jskyl,Frame question,"I’m working on building frame. It’s been tough for me. I’m a life long people pleaser and this has been a recurring theme I keep seeing in my life. I’m trying to establish a list of qualities to help me focus better on areas in my life that need adjustment to cut out the people pleasing behavior. For example, I’ve started out working on confidence. I see lack of confidence as a big problem for me. I am defining what confidence means to me. How I could act more confidently. What would I look like if I was more confident. What would I say if I was more confident. I’m looking to repeat this process with other virtues of frame, by journaling, thinking, meditating and practicing. The end result of this is that I’ll be an expert on confidence that will then live out this quality. My question to this sub is what other ideals, virtues or personality traits would you consider to be essential in your building and then maintaining frame? Also helpful would be any ideas that might be helpful in making these frame traits stick in your life. I think of all the aspects of red pill theory I’ve brought into my life, establishing and maintaining frame is where I am need to improve the most.",,5,thunderdan76,2023-12-16 14:40:18 askMRP,18gg3x7,Advice on dealing with depressive wife who seems to want me to manage her emotions,"I’ve gotten a lot better at dealing with shit tests but still struggle with my wife’s depression. In all honesty, had I fully processed how bad my wife was in this regard, I don’t think I would have married her. My wife is highly emotional (more so than other women). She does not handle stress well and tends to either explode (yelling, cursing, slamming doors, occasionally throwing or hitting something), impulsively do something (road trip, quitting job, etc.) or cave in (depressive episode). These are also issues she has had with her exes, some work places, and previous roommates. I believe that she probably has clinical depression and anxiety. I have considered BPD as well. She stubbornly does not want medication or therapy. She can get into spirals where she says things “I would be better off dead”, “I have no purpose” and “the world doesn’t need someone like me”. The big one is that she has no career direction and isn’t sure who she is. Historically I have often tried and failed to fix her moods, from frivolous ones to things like this. With RP knowledge my default responses have changed. Now I either give her space and go on with my life or listen to her vent and then try to distract her. Neither of those work in big situations like this, but they work fine for smaller situations. I don’t feel comfortable just ignoring someone who is vaguely suicidal even if I doubt that she’d really do it. Also don’t know what to do. Anything I try to say to reassure her she fights back on. If I listen to her vent she goes on for hours and nobody feels better. I also don’t want to spend tons of time and energy playing therapist. I do set boundaries when she’s lashing out now, but she still says that I’m not giving her what she “needs” when she’s upset. Our bedroom isn’t dead anymore and our relationship has improved a lot, but I’m not sure how to lead here. It’s like she expects me to fix her depression for her. If I can’t or get the slightest hint of upset, she says that I “can’t handle her emotions” and recently “I want someone decisive and strong”. I still don’t know what to do. Any advice or readings?",,9,mdjfodiepcklrn2,2023-12-12 07:02:51 askMRP,18aloh7,How to mrp with chronic pain,"Hey folks, I've been struggling with chronic Lyme disease my entire life. I've completed years of antibiotics and antivirals and I'm as good as I'm going to get. I balance pain with medical marijuana. I cannot work out crazy hard like red pill side bar prescribes, I end up with injury and staying out of the gym. I need examples of some middle ground here. FWIW I'm not some roly poly never going to the gym. I'm 6' 170lb, 16%bf. I like the gym and working out I just have lots of pain issues and have to create my own workout plan that allows me to stay in the gym with consistency and no injuries.",,8,Revolutionary-Bud420,2023-12-04 14:45:00 askMRP,189kh2c,How Do You Keep Grinding?,"I've never been the person to set an end goal; the goal was always ""do better than yesterday""... That's served me very well for most of my life. Now I'm making $150k/yr after tax, holding about 12% body fat at 5'9 and 205lbs, have 2 houses, and get laid whenever I want... and I'm not sure how to keep on driving now that I'm most of the way to where I want to be. The goal is still ""do better than yesterday"", but I'm slipping an could use some pointers from those who've dealt with this themselves. So, once you're 80% (arbitrary) of the way to where you want to be, how do you develop the motivation/dedication/commitment to keep grinding?",,11,BecomingABetterMan1,2023-12-03 03:28:12 askMRP,186u3ff,Separation Prep question and suggestions [request].,"In MRP it is suggested never leave your house, I have so much negativity for past couple of weeks that I want to pack my stuff and go vanish. Selling my house and assets will take long as I have lots of stuff. I haven’t talked to a lawyer/ realtor yet , and that process will take long. so want to brainstorm ideas about how to tread forward. TL DR, want to run away but have kids and house. If I leave I will be blamed for running away if I stay I am blamed for ruining everything.",,2,dontgetusetoit,2023-11-29 16:54:04 askMRP,186a05b,What is love after swallowing TRP?,"Hey all, Simple question here (see title). 33m /6’2/160lb 185BP/155sq. I respect this community a lot and I’ve been red pill aware for several years now. In a 4 year LTR with a HB7.5. I love her, I know she loves me, and she would be a great mother. Feminine. Submissive. Etc. However, knowing what I know about female nature, hypergamy, etc., it’s impossible for me to get attached to the level where I don’t ALWAYS have an exit plan (what my single life would look like, what’d I do, etc.). Which makes it VERY hard to get my head in the space of marriage if I know that despite the fact that I love her, I could take it or leave it if I found cause to end it. As veteran MRPers, assuming you didn’t become RP aware after marriage, how did y’all ultimately decide to commit? Edit: Solid answers here guys. Seriously taking them to heart. Keep em coming. ",,15,Tousen71,2023-11-28 23:15:21 askMRP,185nti0,Help finding a post,"There was a post I thought I saved but didn’t… not sure if it was a post or comment But it had an interesting section where the user laid out each book they had read and their biggest takeaway from each book. If anyone recalls that post please share the link with me.",,4,established_1991,2023-11-28 04:44:00 askMRP,184gmqg,No More Mr. Nice Guy and Healthy Masturbation,"35 years old. 6'2"". 189 pounds. BP- 245 x 5. DL - 335 x 6. Self employed and fairly successful artist. Married with 2 kids and a third on the way. Wife is in first trimester. I'm new to MRP the last few months and have gotten through NMMNG three times so far. I used the audiobook so it's been nice to hear it a few times over at the gym. I've read WISNIFG once but have spent more time digging into NMMNG because I feel there's a lot of work there to do still. A big issue in all of my long term relationships has been covert contracts for sex. I expected a certain amount and anything less would make me irritated and disconnected from the relationship. I'd also lose that fun, playful and motivated edge for the rest of my daily activities as well until getting laid again. I was a cry baby loser on the inside and outside. When Glover talked about healthy masturbation and meeting your own needs in NMMNG, I didn't think much of it at first. I thought it sounded kind of stupid to be honest. To me, ""meeting my own needs"" sounded more like an excuse to cheat than to figure out how to masturbate better. I know a lot of guys go down the plates and cheating route here. No judgement. I know some guys do NoFap. That was me too until recently. A couple of weeks ago I tried using Glover's approach to masturbation for the first time. No porn. No imagination. Actually just connecting with myself. In a way very much loving myself and being present with myself. Loving my own body and feelings. Not projecting my feelings onto another imagined partner on screen or in my head. I have to say it was a pretty powerful experience. I realized very quickly that I have not known how to please myself or take care of my own needs properly for a long long time, if ever. It also made me realize that I don't have much to offer a partner if I don't know how to be present and sensual and exciting with myself. And then realized that I wasn't getting much out of sex either because validation seeking behavior was blocking me from true feeling and pleasure. I have lived life as a neurotic bundle of sexual shame since childhood and masked it as best as I could through sexual validation in relationships and endless meaningless hookups when single. All validation seeking. I think that this practice could be a very important part of growing and healing old dysfunctional attitudes towards sex and my own pleasure. It has already helped me become more playful about sex with my wife. I feel way less of a hit to my ego when sex is denied. I view it more as fun flirting now and keep having fun even after rejection. Usually she comes around pretty quickly same day after rejection, but the couple times she hasn't.... I've been totally fine. Huge improvement. I'm in the baby stages of changing old and dysfunctional behavior, but I'm seeing tangible progress on my biggest issue. and I thought that was worth sharing.",,30,Burneraccountzzzzzz,2023-11-26 18:03:56 askMRP,184u1hv,MAP visual? (Athol Kay),"Does anyone have a visual or an exhaustive list of the Red, Yellow and Green actions of the MAP from Athol Kay?",,2,established_1991,2023-11-27 04:03:39 askMRP,182sipd,LTR broke off/scarcity mindset,"Stats for 1 rep max: BP - 260lbs, DL - 235lbs, OP - 85lbs dumbels, Squats: 235lbs recovering from injury. Books since I started my journey: Models, Robert glover's books, Rian Stone's books, WINIFG (currently reading it), TWOTSM, 3% man, Rollo's book. Me (34) Been with my first serious gf (31) for almost two years, she has 1 kid (yeah I know), found the red pill 2 years ago and have improved in all areas of life, money 3x average, body from fat to 160lbs 15% maybe body fat and I'm 5'6"", fun hobbies, interesting life. LTR broke it off cause she wanted marriage and more kids and I didn't want that, I have a reversible vasectomy to prevent unwanted pregnancy and have them on my own terms, I wanted just to enjoy life with a woman, she said she can't give that anymore if I don't get married and put a baby in her. In the red pill they say improve but since I've already improved a lot, I can't seem to fix my mind of scarcity, I still hit the gym 5-6 times per week, getting better, moneywise I could do better but I already live a very comfortable life, I have my own house, buy everything I want, I understand all of these are a convert contract, build it and women will come as Rollo says. But keep improving myself to what end? This is a picture of my progress with good lighting https://ibb.co/tJcHF0d Sex was great, 5-6 time per week, BJ, anal, you name it. I find myself chasing her, to come back, I know its bad, inviting her to go out, we've gone out since the breaking off but its not the same, she keeps pushing it and she's losing respect for me I know. I also have the covert contract if I don't chase she will come back, I'm also afraid she'll fuck somebody else. What books to read or what to do to fix my mindset when everywhere you go women want, 6ft, 6 figs income, 6 pack. Have approached other women only to get rejected On paper I'm in the top 10% of guys physique and moneywise, but my mindset if fucked, I have become needy like before and the nice guy still dominated me. What to do to fix it? I deleted my previous post, cause I'm asking different questions. I would ask TRP but its down.",,7,garciast,2023-11-24 13:50:17 askMRP,181hv94,Was this a shit test?,"My stats, reading, etc, see: [This week's OYS](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/180ccz4/own_your_shit_weekly_november_21_2023/ka6ho5m/?context=3) for that context Up front: I am a retard, autist, and MRP beginner. I have read the [Shit Test Encyclopedia](https://illimitablemen.com/2014/12/14/the-shit-test-encyclopedia/) three times. I have read and re-read the fitness test chapter in MMSLP. I either still don't understand, or I am just too autistic to recognize the tests, or my wife isn't testing me at all. I'm not sure which. Scenario: It's date night. I took her out and we had a good time but we haven't been flirtatious. I take her home and relieve the babysitter. My wife pours herself a glass of wine and sits down in the kitchen. My wife is usually anxious. Alcohol shuts off her anxiety and often makes her super horny. We usually fuck on date night. I take the wine as signal that she wants to be game to fuck but isn't feeling it yet. I pour myself a glass too and sit down. My wife starts making casual chit chat. I try to appear interested at first, but she's talking about logistics for tomorrow, next weekend, etc. Boring. I want to tell her how I want to fuck her but she keeps talking. I end up just staring into her eyes to convey that I'm not interested in chit chat. She says: ""What are you looking at me like that for? I feel like you're just waiting for my switch to flip."" I say ""Is it working?"" She says ""No. You gotta get me warmed up first."" I resisted the urge to DEER and say nothing. She looks away, clearly uncomfortable, and changes the subject back to logistics. We did end up fucking that night, but it was a 4/10 at best. I felt like it was a test because she called attention to my sexuality and essentially told me I'm unattractive. I figured passing meant owning my sexuality and not giving a fuck. I owned it but I didn't have DNGAF. Was this a fitness test? If so, what kind? Did I pass? What would you have done?",,4,vitrael2,2023-11-22 19:46:36 askMRP,180ao74,Should I cut the allowance of my entitled wife?,"Background: me 38M, wife 40F, married for 13 years. Two primary school kids. Been hardcore beta all my life. Started reading on MRP materials around a couple of months ago. Realized that wife had become entitled and openly disrespectful, but I tolerated it for many years because that's what a BP husband was supposed to do. I make decent money now, nearing US$350K/year after tax (not US-based, but similar COL to NY/SF etc.), but have to work hard, 70-hour weeks. We have separate bank accounts - and wife gets $3.5K/month - just for her fun money. She doesn't work, and a housekeeper comes every day so she does next to no chores. Kids in private schools, multiple holidays a year, etc. Probably a dream life for many women. Have to beg for sex - get turned down often. She rarely initiates, unless it's accompanied by a request for favors or payday is near. Usually fuck around 3-4 times a month, mostly starfish. BJs maybe once a year. Blue pill me often tries to negotiate sex with her. The logic goes that supplying her with $3.5K/month, requires 30 hours/month of my effort. So she should at least give me a couple of hours of intimacy a month, right? I read that you have to ""[train](https://www.trp.red/p/humansockpuppet/754)"" your partner. So why shouldn't I just reduce her allowance if she's not performing for me sexually? This way, no more covert contracts - it becomes an overt contract. The allowance is conditional on her giving me sex. Yes, I realize that desire cannot be negotiated. And I'm probably still in the anger and resentment phase. But at least this way, I get more sex as a result of busting my ass to support my entitled wife and giving her a comfortable life? What's the downside here? Also - while I'm not lacking in money, keeping more of it to myself has the added benefit of retaining more for myself if we do divorce. Have at me - I'm socially challenged so break it down into simple principles if you can.",,4,AlphaChemical,2023-11-21 06:36:13 askMRP,17xzna7,How to behave when one is sick,"Monday (regular working day) we realized that my wife got some bug bites type marks on the back. Tuesday morning she went to the doctor and got told that these are bed bug bites. I made lunch. But by evening she started complaining of body ache, internet research told us it may be shingles. Dinner was made by her. Wednesday morning we went to urgent care and they said these are shingles. I got lunch from Chipotle, dinner from chipotle for kids. Thursday we again went to doctor, they confirmed shingles. Lunch came from a friend. We used the same as dinner. Friday I made breakfast, lunch came from a friend, I made dinner. Problem, Thursday afternoon she is taking her frustration out on me that she is sick because of me, as I give her stress. Friday I left home at 5:30 to take kids to a class. She is doing fine watching tv, I call her what else she needs from Costco( went to get gas on the way back) I am told she is hungry and I should come home. I come home start making dinner she start drama shouting at me that anyone in this world can take better care of me and I am not taking care of her. Rant went on for one hour, I stfu. After lots of drama She ate dinner. Believe me the way she talks every word pierce through body. This is after I make daily breakfast and help with food, get kids ready for school and mostly drop them too. Take kids to everyday classes, plus Doing almost everything at home. Question - I want to fix this situation without divorce. Though I think about it atleast once a month for last 15 years. TL DR- how to fix shitty tongue, and disrespectful behavior without divorce and shouting.",,0,dontgetusetoit,2023-11-18 05:44:30 askMRP,17vuwpg,Public Emasculation Shit Test - best response?,"I was re-reading some of Jacktenofhearts posts, (lets call this preventative measures to avoid regression), and one that jumped out at me more than others this time was this one: [https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/30llge/comment/cpu13d6/](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/30llge/comment/cpu13d6/) In particular the ""Public Emasculation Shit Test"". If you don't want to click on the link, here's a shortened version of the example I refer to: &#x200B; **Public Emasculation Shit Test:** Someone mentions something about taking a wrong turn while driving, and she's off. ""\[You\] is terrible at directions. This one time on vacation we got so lost it took us two hours just to find our way back to the hotel. Luckily I was navigating or he'd probably still be out there!"" The group gets a laugh, and you get a chuckle, but you wonder why she needs to mention that story. &#x200B; And if you then read dandar4600's reply, he gives some decent responses on how to handle the other shit tests, but not the Public Emasculation shit test. I get why, it's not really possible to ""pass"" this type of shit test, as you've already failed by not having her respect.But it got me thinking. Considering you are still unplugging... **What in your opinion is the best way for unplugging beta's to deal with Public Emasculation?** &#x200B; My 2cs from experience, what kind of worked for me was Agree and Amplify. My wife actually used to do this to me, albeit infrequently. (She's stopped in recent years - since I got further down this MRP journey - go figure). The last couple of times it happened, I found that the less of a shit I gave, the more my responses tended towards exaggerating her story with something even more ridiculous I could have done. A public AA so to speak. I'll be honest, looking back it came across a little sarcastic and patronising, especially when done in front of others, so I don't consider it the best response. But I was right in the throughs of my ""don't give a shit - signed John Rambo"" phase. &#x200B; **Edit:** Just for clarity, I'm not looking for personal advice here. Consider this note swapping. I haven't read anywhere a decent way to deal with this kind of shit test. Inspire me with your creative responses. &#x200B;",,16,dolanthesemicolon,2023-11-15 14:33:15 askMRP,17vwhyu,Dated a post wall woman at 24,"I am 25 years old. I just got out of a one year relationship with the crazy BPD Latina. She was officially diagnosed while we were together. She was six years older than me. I met her when I was 24 and she was 30. For the same reasons I stayed, are the same reasons that it fucked me eventually. When I met her I was 23, turn 24. I was in a rampage of fucking different kinds of women living a red pill lifestyle. It wasn’t until I met her where I did fuck her on the first date and I was hooked on her craziness. There were red flags everywhere… the first one being she told me she tried to have a threesome on the first date, the other red flag was after I fucked her, she said, “ so that’s it then” meaning were one and done but getting me to chase her so she wouldn’t feel like a whore… essentially she’s done this so many times. Being the romantic, fuck I was, I was like no it’s not over now we meet again. She started having meltdowns every other day. If I didn’t reply to a text quickly, she was splitting and having meltdown saying oh, I’m not gonna see you the next day blah blah blah…: basically, the entire relationship was chasing her, reassuring her, keeping her calm in a circle. It worked until it just started wearing me the fuck down, and I started realizing that the sex wasn’t worth it. I dealt with meltdowns and craziness the entire year. Extreme jealousy on her, monitoring my social media like crazy. The craziest thing I’ve seen her do was throw her birth control out the window when she was easily triggered by the fact that she found out that ejaculating inside of her would influence her pH levels. Yeah, I know… but still stayed after that.. At some point my family and friends started seeing what the fuck was happening from the outside and convinced me to get out of this. I waited for her to go back to her home for a couple weeks to create some distance to pre-plan this break up. When she came back her and I started the conversation about the break up. She asked me if I could give her the future she needed needed, and I said no.. at that point it was done. Here is where I broke up with her like a faggot. I was still sleeping with her and she was still coming over to have sex with me. Until one day, she finally split and screamed. I’m done… here is where the Fagot here is where the Faggotry came out… I wasn’t prepared for this (I should’ve been because she’s post wall). I chased her validator and convinced myself that I loved her enough to give her a future, even though I didn’t. She came back and we started having sex again. It was fine until of course she finally split for good. At that point, I started chasing her like a little bitch for three months… my God it was so fucking stupid. She was rewriting history and I allowed it. My God holy fuck. Eventually, at some point, she was making legal threats against me. She threatened a restraining order one week because I told her the BPD was why she was acting like this and then when I cut contact she started blowing up my phone like crazy to which I didn’t reply to. Eventually, she started messaging me on 5 different platforms love bombing me again. Eventually I caved in and we met up. I know what I did I validated her craziness which eventually got more and more crazy (not that this would’ve mattered because this was a bomb to be blown up anyways). When we met up we hooked up had sex, she threw a crazy meltdown right after (I didn’t think she would this time, and I actually believed it). She called security on me at her condo and then I left before anything bad happened. She screamed you raped me at that point I tried to leave. I was living in anxiety for a good week until she came back in and withdrew that statement. She then sent me a very nice text saying I’m sorry I didn’t work out blah blah blah. Hope all is good with you. Then, another week later, she unblocked me off of everything liked one of my pictures. I didn’t react to anything. I just stood strong and did nothing and then she blocked me on everything when I did nothing. This whole situation is done now and any further communication will add any fuel to the fire. I’ve been in contact for about a month and a half now officially. During our three month break up, she is blocked and unblocked me about 2000 times even times why I did not initiate contact. When we would try and meet, she would be love bombing me and then the next day would be like I hate you. I hate you. I hate you fuck you. I hate you . At that point I blocked her on everything. Her friends who are all 33 years old and ran through basically filled her garbage in her ear instead of listening to me. They didn’t know half of crazy shit that she did. I’m working right now and living my life travelling and meeting new women and I’m reframing myself to acknowledge that this was just craziness that I was attracted to, and not actually her. TL;DR dated crazy, and eventually got fucked",,10,Unlikely-Strategy596,2023-11-15 15:47:42 askMRP,17vvz3t,"Has anyone asked by your wife ""what is your plan for our life/relationship moving forward""","**Edit**. Lifting in fact does...*exhaust the hamster.* Looking for guidance at a seemingly desperate/pivotal time. I've been here at mrp doing OYS for 5 weeks until I was banned last week for 14 days. Assuming rule 9. Reads NMMNG, WISNIFG, MMSLP, Book of Pook, Rian Stones ""Frame"". Lots of RS YouTube videos. I was here 2 years ago, made progress, foot off the gas. Boat heading for the rocks at this point. Wife knew about red pill 2 years ago so this time around is seemingly A LOT HARDER. Ever since restarting this I feel I have made some progress lifting weights and passing both comfort and shit tests. My wife has become a little (a fuck ton) more harpy lately and has been blasting me with hurricane forces that have been hard to withstand but I think I'm pulling through on the other end. By the end of the day, it's calm waters but still have earned no respect. Or attraction. As expected. I started out here extremely emotional and all over the place but have slowed down, cooled off and I'm trying to not to go too far in one direction or the other. There's been plenty of shitty comfort tests such as ""you hate me, I don't know why you even want to be with me"". Or if I go out with my friends I get ""you don't even want to hang out with me anymore"" even after being invited. Been accused of cheating. She was genuinely concerned because an old girlfriend had reached out to me after bumping into her at a concert... I gave more than enough comfort in that situation because at this point she was in tears about it. That happened this week. It started off as a shit test about a month and a half ago but it really got the best of her because I would agree and amplify or just laugh at her about it. And it was too much for her to handle And all of the sudden she doesn't like when I tease her or pick on her jokingly. I have chilled out on that but there is plenty of double bind situations. Unattractiveness is not welcome to tease, I come off as annoying or mean in her words. I've been accused of being controlling even though I always preface any opinion with ""You can do whatever you want."" Then state how I feel about it. I've even heard the phrase ""I feel like you are back on that red pill stuff again."" She tried to tell me she wants to move out after her dumping her emotions on me so I said ""You can do whatever you want, although I would rather you not"". That's the ""controlling"" part. She's still in my bed, in my house. Ive held off on initiating but still flirt with her. Initiations were met with anger. She is using it as a weapon and also probably not very attracted to me. The other night we were laying in bed and she just was pouring feels out on me. I was trapped. She asked what is your plan going forward with our life and relationship? I've been trying to think of my vision and my map but just focusing on being better right now in the dread levels one and two and lifting. I haven't even come to any conclusions of what I really want in life. It basically came down to me saying ""All I know is I want somebody in my life who supports me and is there for me and on my side. Someone to fulfill my needs as a man. We are both changing and growing as people. We have been through a lot together and have faced many difficulties in life. I'm continuing to be a better person for me, my kids and the ones who are important to me. There's so much to gain and SO MUCH to lose. I'm here to win"". She didn't respond well to my ""vision"" because it didnt exactly map out our relationship. I can't fix that. She wants exact ideas and plans FOR US. I can't do that. It seems to me she's begging for my leadership and I can barely lead myself at this point. I am still deep in her frame. One thing I failed to leave out of my oys's and and the askMRP posts I've made is my wife's father died back in January and obviously she's been having a hard time with it. They were very close. She's also been on SSRI's for over a year. High anxiety/depression. She needs a father figure. She needs a path. She needs a man who can lead her to the best life possible that includes her. She needs so much guidance and help and is desperately looking for it. She hates me right now because I'm failing myself, my wife and our family. So cut me into pieces or ban me. I know there is a lot of hers and she's in this but I am in dire need of some reassurance or a slap in the face from some men who have been in this position before. Every hole in my ship I try to patch, she's right there with the cannon to blast another hole in it it feels. This is a tough week and not being able to post on OYS sucks.",,3,nevertoughever,2023-11-15 15:23:40 askMRP,17v0lnc,Victim Puke - I need help,"EDIT: I really appreciate the feedback. There is great advice given here. Anyone that stumbles on this post should read through them. I have been reading MRP and TRP and trying to apply principles for months but I don’t think anything has been as helpful for my mind space than the response to this post. Without putting in the extremely hard work the rest are just parlor tricks and will not lead to self fulfillment. Accountability from men is important and if you’re lurking you’re not getting it. I will start posting OYS immediately, started lifting this morning and look forward to what comes of it. 35M married 12 years together 16. Two kids with another on the way. 6 feet tall 198 pounds. Been lurking for a few months. Read NMMNG, MMSLP, WISNIFG. Currently reading through the pdf of the sidebar. Working on getting back into lifting. I am going through physical therapy for my shoulder. I am exercising and have lost 30 pounds since the new year. I am pissed. I was an original Chad. Looked like Clark Kent when I was young and had the physique too. Was the lead singer of a band. Met my wife in high school. We were each others first and only. Long story short I got pusified hard. I had no idea what that pretty little wife of mine was capable of steamrolling eighth over all my hopes, dreams, aspirations and even likable traits. I say that she steamrolled but I know it’s my fault. I recall some of the first few times we were intimate. I was an aggressive beast when we started. She told me that my intensity scared her. I was too young to realize what she meant then. I took it as her not liking it. I now see that she was afraid of how I made her feel and what I made her do. I think that was a pivotal moment because I decided to appease from that moment on. Since then, porn addiction, alcohol addiction, weed addiction. Got as drunk captain as it gets. I was the perfect beta. High paying job, all the friends I had gone. Family relationships? GONE. Hobbies including music? GONE. Just worked my high paying job, letting her stay home with the kids funding her life dream. Never hit a dead bedroom. She always seemed willing and open in the bedroom but I was a lazy fuck and instead of training her to be my slut I turned to porn mostly. My mistake Discovering the pill has warped my mind. I am so enraged by what I have allowed myself to become. I am so saddened by the fact that it can’t be unseen I surrendered myself to my wife outside of all the love and desire that I possessed. I have nothing for myself. I have rage because my wife took and took. 17 years of her getting what she wanted while I drank myself to death. My emotions about this are so strong I am not sure what to do. Do I nuke it? Dan I see past the image I now have of my wife? STFU is all I can do but it’s getting hard. How do I confront her on anything? Like anything? The house is getting messy. I want to confront her. How do I do so without spewing all this newfound hatred? I adored her before and now it’s hard to look in her direction. I know I fucked up. I know I have to get lifting quick. I am doing the PT because I don’t want to get the surgery on my rotator cuff if I can put it off so I’mm not entirely out for months. I just feel like I have been without frame for so long that I can’t even fathom being in my own. I don’t want to rage quit but that is my strongest pull. Seriously how do I get my mind right? I started implementing assertiveness when I first started reading RP stuff and it was amazing. I want the end result of MRP but can barely see through this anger and rage.",,12,RedRum-My-Ego,2023-11-14 11:51:33 askMRP,17r2dil,Casual conversations with wife,"M40, married to F34 for 15 years, 1 5y.o. daughter, working on our second child. Lifting 6 days a week, visible abs with vascularity. Management career in tech. She's also in tech, individual contributor. As you see, we married early and young. My main issue back then was basically too few male friends, low confident beta, I treated her as a friend in addition to a lover. She's similar: raised by an elderly father and barely engaged mother. So we were doing stuff together: programming and lifting, then we immigrated to Canada together too. Things started to change big time after our first kid. I started assuming more responsibilities and lead more, lift more, have male friends. She's also becoming more feminine. Seems like we're on a good track, mostly. One of the issues is our evening conversations. She keeps bringing up the work and tech stuff as we used to discuss in the past. Sometimes I draw a hard line that I don't want to discuss that anymore, sometimes I joke about that. But here's the problem, from a guy who's been in this shit for 15+ years: what do I actually talk about with her? We're so busy, we don't watch tv shows. If we're lucky, we discuss her friends or other parents from school. I need options :) Tia and roast me if you want",,15,jgstromptrsnen,2023-11-09 02:11:04 askMRP,17qu3ai,Sex frequency situation,"M 36, W32 3 kids. lifting since teenager. 6ft6 270 15% bf. Been reading sidebar and lifting consistently last 6 months and have been building my frame, leading more, non reactive, mirroring her emotions and being assertive. Own my shit daily. My question is we have short trips away together for her work. She is super feminine and we fuck like rabbits until I literally am not interested. We then come home and it all stops like a tap has just been turned off. We are super busy with our businesses, work, kids etc. I get it. But for example the sex literally stops for 2 weeks after returning from these trips. she has said she needs more to be MORE connected emotionally. This is frustrating slightly because I feel I’m HV and deserve to be fucked daily without question. I feel like I’m definitely attractive physically , communication wise and emotionally. lost as to why this js happening. What could be the reason?",,11,Rp_Guar,2023-11-08 19:57:45 askMRP,17q8u92,What Does Genuine Desire Look Like?,What is the prime example of female Genuine Desire that you have experienced *personally*?,,13,BecomingABetterMan1,2023-11-08 00:16:31 askMRP,17p9qgf,Gauging own and wife's sex rank?,"29yo, 6' 4"", South Asian (Pakistani), 262 lb (27% BF) Lifts so far: OHP: 132lb, BP: 175lb, Squat: 220, DL: 264lb As in the title - how does one actually determine their own and their wife's sex rank? I'm currently reading through MMSLP and there's a bit on sex rank, and it got me thinking about how we actually determine this. How do we know what our sex rank is out of 10? How do we figure out our rank in relation to our spouses etc?",,5,Asianed1994,2023-11-06 18:42:47 askMRP,17muh9n,Restarting life Redill. Balancing kino,"Hi guys, I am from holland so excuse me if I make some typos. 42 years old, always been sixpack fit. Workout every day. Solid career. Not to bad looking. Married twice, 4 sons. Married to a strong, anxious, adhd wife. My issues. Mommy issues, validation through sex, beta traits I think. I always look out for everybody. Make sure everything is looked after. Do a lot around the house, fix things my self. I red the sidebar. But making it work is hard for me in some cases. I always feel bad if my wife doesn’t have sex with me. Get butthurt, withdraw or get emotional some times. Pussy behavior I know. Last couple of month everything is starting to get worse. Wife is always sensitive for depression but it started to get worse. Tried to help out where I can but it doesn’t help. Last week it hit me. No Mather what I do it doesn’t seem to help here get more attractive to me. The more I push or be nice it doesn’t make a difference. When we have sex she feels pressured or tenses up. And sometimes we just stop it so together. I am done. At the beginning of this week I started to withdraw. I was not angry anymore but just done. I just answer questions or ask basis questions etc and interact with the kids but nothing else. I don’t want to divorce but something must change. I notice she is engaging more and more. She is trying to make conversation and in bed she suddenly started to cuddle last night. I played it cool and went to sleep. I wasn’t ready to roll over and start touching here. What can I do. I find it really hard to find a way in my mind to start game and kino etc. I feel a bit lost. I am not mad but is clear to me that she is not attracted to me. I know she loves me but that’s only because I take care of everything Would love some advice here.",,20,dumbell81,2023-11-03 12:56:31 askMRP,17ld6sd,Mission focus and genuine desire.,"I have been with new girl that is 8 years my junior now for nearly a year and our relationship is amazing. Daily sex, she looks after my kids, does nearly all the house work, and the list goes on. This is the first relationship that is totally in my frame and supportive of my mission. I predicated our relationship on that idea and explicitly told her from the beginning that it was going to be my way or the highway no matter how long we are together. How did I achieve this? By staying focused on my damn mission, that's how. Look gents, I was a chump once too and I did all of the beta faggy things that we must unlearn and my relative success took a significant amount of time because I was WAY down into betahood when I began. I started grinding even when I was still married I was getting up at 4AM to train, working all day, taking care of the house, tackling child care and doing much of the childcare and rearing myself, planning dates, and growing my frame outside of the house with new endeavors and political gain. Where most guys crumple in the anger stage I took it as a challenge and worked my ass off everyday without saying a word. The sex with the ex was outstanding but I didn't like her and it became more and more apparent that we simply did not share the same core values when it came to life or raising kids. The point of all of this is that because I was so focused on my mission and not on the constant drama and other nonsense my ex would bring to me as a way to distract me or get attention so when my relationship with my wife began to fail there were several women that made themselves available for WHATEVER without hesitation(no dating, no courting, very little time). Child care, meals made, house cleaned, documents picked up, any and everything that my ex was not willing to do was simply handled so I could keep grinding away at my mission. I have a ton of gratitude for this place and the grind never ends. Focus on your mission and not on women. (Fitness+ Increasing social status+ Game + Responsibilities handled+ Sidebar repetitions+ Relentless pursuit for 5 years) = Relative initial success. Is it worth it? Only you can decide if feeling like you are getting kicked in the balls everyday as a reliable chump is better than suffering to improve. I do not miss my old life one single bit. ",,27,Ragnardanneskjunior,2023-11-01 14:19:21 askMRP,17lganj,Wife wants to go out with no explanation,"Currently in process of reading through side bar, watched all BPP stuff and reading No More Mr. Nice Guy now. And I’m currently lifting as well. Been doing this for about 3 weeks to a month now. Last night I took the kids trick or treating after taking photos while wife stayed home to give you candy. We ate dinner and put the kids to sleep and then went to the bedroom. After a bit the wife and I got into a fight after she asked me to post photos of our family and I said no. I don’t post on social media in general and I’ve made that clear to her before. She asked why and I said because I don’t want to. After that we had sex, then went to sleep. Today I went to work and now she asks me to be home on time today, says she wants to go out without kids. This is the first time she’s ever asked to do this in two years (we live far from family and friends and she doesn’t like to go out) I asked where she was going and she said “out” and I just said did my best to NGAF and say okay. Any advice on what I need to do to handle this, or is just not worrying about it the best option?",,13,woo199112,2023-11-01 16:40:24 askMRP,17lf2p3,When is too late to punish bad behavior and disrespect?,"Yesterday afternoon while we were getting ready to go out for trick or treating with another family my wife was in a horrible mood and being a complete bitch because of some family drama. A lot of it had to do with my family members not minding their own business and trying to find out what is wrong with my relationship. Word got back to my wife that people are asking questions. I didn't tell anybody anything because I don't want anybody to know how much of a screw up I have been. Obviously. I was STFU to the best of my ability while being hammered with questions and interrogations. She started calling me names and saying completely disrespectful things and once she started that I just left the room and told her why I was done with the conversation. It was horrible timing because we were pretty much on our way out the door to go hang out and be cheerful with a bunch of other parents and the kids. We were on decent terms while at the Halloween thing but once we got home she expected us just to sit on the couch and watch TV and pretend everything was normal. I said I was just going to head to the room and lay in bed and she took that as total disrespect. I genuinely did not want to be around her because how she was treating me and she knew that. It seemed like she expected me just to orbit around her while getting nothing in return but coldness and bitchiness while she stared at tiktok. I didn't want to do that so I went in the other room. I got the sweet ""Oh you're not going to sit with me?"" Fuck no. I wasn't sulking or butthurt. She knew why I didn't want to be around her. But what I did was a different reaction compared to how I used to be. I would just take the hits and pretend to be stoic or calm. But based on how I used to sit next to her on the couch and wait for her to talk to me in between tik tok videos even after being a cunt, was out of the normal for me. Punishing bad behavior made me feel guilty and I noticed it. I don't actually feel guilty but deep down inside I want to feel guilty. She was disrespectful as shit to me and I'm not going to sit there and take the lumps. It wasn't a shit test. I just ended the conversation. I guess long story short with the question at the end. Do you think with the couple hours in between us having to pretend to be on good terms in front of other people, was enough time to wash away the disrespect from earlier and move on? I was cheerful and charismatic and having a great time with all the kids when we were with the other parents. Even with her, I was decent. I had to be. I just don't know if I got this wrong, but once we got home I did not want to be around her at all. So I took away time and attention and affection. Punishing bad behavior. But did it confuse her because everything was ""good"" in front of the other people? Maybe I fucked up. I don't know. Let me have it, fellas.",,10,nevertoughever,2023-11-01 15:46:32 askMRP,17l7nmg,STFU and my divorce,"I got divorced two days ago. I never really had frame and I need to learn to STFU. I just had a great lesson. We live in a nation with religious divorce so there was a small religious process involved with our divorce. We walked into an office with the judge and he told me the words that I had to say to request that the secretary write the divorce papers. His last injunction to us both was that it was forbidden to talk to each other until I handed her the paper work. We went out into the waiting room. As part of the agreement, I was going to get a joint bank account that we had at the post office, and she needed to sign it over to me. I signed us up for an appointment. I then went to the secretary and asked if I could somehow pass a note to my soon to be ex-wife that I wanted to us to go to the post office afterwards. He said no. I complied. After a wait, we went back to the judge's office and finished our final paperwork of the divorce. At that point we were divorced but I needed to get that bank account. Right away I said: ""Let's go to the post office and finish that bank account."" She started whining. ""I have somewhere to be soon."" ""I set us up an appointment in twenty-five minutes. Let's go now."" I texted her the address and the post-office's text response. It's only been two days, but I don't even remember if she verbally agreed to come or not. I just went and I saw her a half minute after I arrived. We took care of the bank account. A day later she texted me: ""It was a good idea to finish at the post office bank yesterday."" Conclusion: My guess is that if I had asked her to come with me she would have started whining and it would have turned into a nice fifteen minute argument about how she had to be somewhere in three hours and it was a half hour drive home and there was no way she would be on time if we went to the post office. I just set us up because it was what we needed to do and she followed because I sold it to her. Moral of the story: Shut up and get stuff done. Edit: that was a mess. It needed the edits.",,0,extrastone,2023-11-01 08:42:56 askMRP,17jbbvs,Discord or chat? Is there any recommended YouTube channels?,"I've been having some MRP issues at home . I don't know if theres a good chat server, discord or IRC, maybe even reddit chats going on about RP where can have some type of instant chat. Also is there YouTube channels? I see there's a lot of male type channels but some are just OTT. Down to hear your suggestions.",,12,Wappalot,2023-10-29 20:05:33 askMRP,17c5tts,"""Solve the fight"" - learning from a mistake","Stats: 20's, dating this one for 1.5 years, 5'9, 155lbs lean, was spinning plates until I decided I prefer to focus on this ltr. Enjoying the process. Read Book of Pook, NMMNG, WISNIFG, reading TMM I've got to a point where I feel I'm pretty confident with my abilities and knowledge, but sometimes I still have a hard time implementing the right tools. Recently I had an event like this, and I'd like to learn from it and prevent mistakes in the future. I'm on a work trip for a couple weeks, so I talked with her on the phone one evening. Mid call she raised her voice on me about something minor, so I checked her, ""listen, next time I'll not be ok with you talking to me like that, and it's not the first time either"". I have laid boundaries before but never this one, and this time she went full hurt mode. She said that she didn't even raise her voice, and my tone was very aggressive and disrespectful. Yeah sure, I fogged, don't care. She got hurt, demanded an apology. Still fogged, told her ""well if you didn't raise your voice and I'm not mad either, there's no problem here"". I wasn't able to get us to move on with fogging and am. Eventually I decided to end the call when she insisted on an apology, saying she won't be able to sleep now cuz she's sad. Next day I figured we're past that nonsense but turns out that's where the tricky part starts: ""we need to talk and solve this"". I say ok sure, we can have a calm talk. The problem is that in situations like this any amused mastery or flirting is not really accepted, she's genuinely stubbornly wants to seriously talk about it, no joking around. I told her that I stand on what I've said. It's an important boundary and it's sad that she's hurt but I stand behind my words. It didn't solve this, because she ""has to hear an apology for hurting her with my attitude, even if I don't take my words back"". I feel like this is the turning point where I felt like it's total freestyle, no regular tools here, just me and my frame. It kept going on, I fogged a lot but she straight up asked me question after question so I answered them like I would to my little sister, explaining how different people can have different opinions and it's ok if she's hurt, shit happens, but again it didn't help. Eventually after a long talk I told her ""If that makes any sense to you then yes I didn't mean to hurt you and I apologize for that but I stand firmly behind what I've said"". Only then she got calm and turned back to her cute self, although I wonder if in the way I made this my goal and fell out of frame. Tbh it feels awful. At first I wasn't even remotely invested in this nonsense and somewhere along the ""solve this"" bullshit even though I tried to stay in my frame I probably was deering, even interrupted her to talk. In some way it's also like I reinforced her nonsense at the end with the apology, even tough I didn't go back on my words. At that point it felt really butthurt to stand my ground when she asks why can't I just say the words I apologize if it'll make her feel better, even if I don't regret my actions, just to say it so she can be at peace. It felt like the most responsible teen is now a 5 year old. Maybe I should've just refused to talk about all of this (verbal intercourse is optional) and disappear for a few days, but in my view if the convo is calm and normal I'm there to have it, why not. Feels like something is missing for me, I would love to hear some feedback and personal input to learn from the situation.",,5,mrmonbant,2023-10-20 07:56:56 askMRP,17bmdji,Is Sex the End Game?,My wife wants to fuck me all the time. She doesn’t want to validate me all the time. Having gone from a dead bedroom with my ex to a lively bedroom with a broken bed frame I came to realize that sex is still a means to an end. It’s just another form of validation. Maybe it is the ultimate form of external validation. There is a whole lot more going on with that dynamic than just evolutionary psychology. We don’t just want our wives to put out we want to fuck their brains out and be the best they have ever had so that they will they will be emotionally pair bonded with us. It is possible to give your wife the best sex of her life and still be a needy bitch. Validation seeking behavior should be avoided your our own best interests and not as a ploy so that some solipsistic piece of ass will give you her approval.,,17,Flaky-Daikon-6611,2023-10-19 15:52:15 askMRP,17bnc93,Frame in serious life situations,"Hi, there are a lot of examples out there of a good reaction to situations where you can keep your frame while she freaks out. Like, the other day I was reading about how you get kicked out of a club and then you joke about it etc. However, how do you keep the frame in situations that are actually serious. Like, for example, my neighbors' kid the other day was bitten by a dog and it got me thinking. I wouldn't imagine myself joking about it in that moment. Whenever my daughter falls, I usually just STFU and focus on assessing the damage. Wondering if anyone has examples and suggestions.",,6,jgstromptrsnen,2023-10-19 16:34:25 askMRP,17aym7q,Every question in here can be answered with one phrase,"Your wife does not want to fuck someone they have to validate all the time. All of these victim puke bitchy stories and pointing fingers at every little thing your wife does wrong without owning how the fuck you got their in the first place, is because you built up your whole reality around the desperate need for validation from your wife. If she knows that you are dependent on her for that validation in how you fuck, how much money you make, what car you drive, girls flirting with you, how big your muscles are - it doesn’t matter how good you get at any of those things, she won’t live in your frame for a second if she knows her not acknowledging it can make it all come crashing down. This is why they emotionally cheat with other guys, or defy your boundaries, even though you’re on here saying “oh I swallowed the pill 3 months ago and I STFU, but I guess I still get mad when she rejects me or doesn’t acknowledge that I cleaned the whole house”. Get the fuck out of her frame and into yours. Try rewriting every story without including “she” or “her” and just talk about what you own and see what happens. All you need to do is read the sidebar until your eyes bleed, read [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/bh8xko/confronting_the_need_for_validation/), and the works of David Schnarch to understand sex in a marriage. This subreddit will be eradicated if everyone does that.",,36,Boo-urns1,2023-10-18 19:07:38 askMRP,179utp7,"First, Buy A Black Fedora. Any reports?","I'm 36, 145lbs, 5' 9"", SQ 170, BP 120, DL 240 Just finished Ian Ironwood's collection of Alpha Moves. While I enjoyed book a lot, and was surprised how much of a difference `Alpha Move: Stand Up Straight` made, the very first move which is `Alpha Move: Buy A Black Fedora` is confusing. On one hand 12 years ago there was one night I put a fedora and boy was it success, but maybe a coincidence. On the other hand - I'm open for experiment again and before pulling a trigger wanted to ask if someone really followed advice, got a fedora and saw any difference? Links: * [Alpha Move: First, Buy A Black Fedora](http://theredpillroom.blogspot.com/2011/12/alpha-move-first-buy-black-fedora.html) * [Alpha Move: Stand Up Straight](http://theredpillroom.blogspot.com/2012/02/alpha-move-stand-up-straight.html) ",,3,InfamousIncident4018,2023-10-17 10:01:57 askMRP,176gz76,Hamster spinning too fast,"So, I've been reading the saidebar and working on things. I've been going to the gym,picked up a hobby that really doesn't take much of my time yet,and am going on a work trip for the first time in years. Basic passive dread stuff that makes me feel and look good. Im happier now. However, My wife is going nuts. She'll be happy and doting for a week, then switch to Angry, crying, distant, talking about trust issues. I'm doing my best to stfu, although im not always successful I have been doing good with not Deering most of the time. My question is, when does this stop? She is generally an insecure person who doesnt trust people, so I don't know if I see an end in site. And what is my reaction supposed to be, I can't just stfu and ignore this shit forever, it's hard to be in the house with her half the time but I also need to protect my son from her yelling.",,2,Jacked-More-Gains,2023-10-12 20:45:31 askMRP,175o4tr,Advice on dealing with sexual teasing and validation seeking behavior?,"My wife sometimes uses me for validation and attention. This is started in the summer and led me to MRP (I’m new). It has improved since I started my MAP but still happens to a lesser degree. Example 1 from before I found MRP: wife says she doesn’t want sex while we’re kissing. I said I wasn’t horny either. She pinned me down, grinding and shoving her tits in my face, saying “you know you think I’m sexy” and “you really don’t want this?” I said I didn’t and told her to get off of me. This completely disgusted me. I called her out later that night and she claimed not to remember doing this, which pissed me off. Example 2, also before I found MRP. She walks out of the shower in a sexy but normal everyday outfit, strutting. I don’t check her out or compliment her because I’m pissed off about her ongoing teasing. She says “you’re seriously not going to say anything?” and I say “oh sorry, I was working. You look cute!” She scoffs and goes “cute?” And I say, “yeah, you look pretty cute!” while knowing that being called cute kicks her down a peg. She storms out of the house for hours. I keep doing my thing. I called her out, again. I said something like “I’m noticing that you keep trying to tease me and get attention when you don’t want sex. What’s up with that? Do you have some kind of self-esteem problem going on or something?” I also said that I’ve had periods with a low sex drive but didn’t pull this crap. She blamed it all on low self-esteem. She spent the next month saying things like “I’d cuddle but I guess that’s called teasing now” and “can I kiss you or will you be all pissed off about it”. In other words, no remorse. We talked about it one other time, when she said she didn’t know why she was doing this. Example 3, after I found MRP. We’re making out on the bed and as it gets heavier, she hopes out and leaves for the living room. I STFU and stay in the bedroom, doing some sit ups and listening to music. She comes back in and squats over me, putting her ass and tits in my face while I do sit ups. I stay positive while being pissed inside. I don’t show sexual interest. She sucks up to me a bit later that night, saying she loves and appreciates me. I know, be attractive and don’t be unattractive. I’m working on it. She’s gotten better since I started my MAP about a month ago, but still teases and seeks validation to lesser degrees. I just don’t know how to handle situations where she is using me for attention and would love some advice.",,3,mdjfodiepcklrn2,2023-10-11 20:32:57 askMRP,173t55b,I think it's too late,"In dire need of advice.. feels like an emergency like everything in my head is going up in flames and there's no way to put it out. A few weeks ago I discovered my wife had changed her password on Instagram through her email (which I'm logged in to for bills and such). First chance I got it, I looked in her DMs because (trust but verify). Of course she was talking to another guy. A friend of mine actually. A guy I introduced to her a while ago and we have all been around each other multiple times since thenin public settings (5 minutes of Alpha am I right?) There was nothing really weird about that conversation except he is about 15 years older than us and he is a super Alpha in our social circle. I didn't say anything but about a week passes I looked through her phone again and it is basically her initiating the conversations and accepting the attention and totally loving it. What he was saying isn't even disrespectful to me or anything. But she was sending Girly-emojis and being silly and all that. Yes it hurts a lot because obviously the attention is giving her major feelz. He's def a ""bad boy"" and everyone knows it. I started my RP Journey about 2 years ago and I have lost about 50 lb, gained muscle but I am still fat. I don't think I'm too unattractive. If I stood side by side with him I would be chosen by almost any girl based on appearance. But my wife knows me. I have lots of girls talking to me because I also have a higher status in the scene that I am into. I've gained A LOT of status. The guy and I get along great by obviously has no respect for me. Honestly it seems like in the conversations he is so blunt and doesn't even care that she's talking to him. But obviously that is super attractive and it bothers me because I know it is attractive to be aloof and not care about women. I give way too many fucks. I gave so much fucks that I confronted her about it. Brought my SMV straight down to 0. The only thing that really bothered me is that she was messaging him around me and our kids and all that. But literally just friendly conversations. I thought I could trust her or maybe she would come to her senses but it seems that is not the case. Shut down completely for about a week and I think that was emotionally detaching from me. I never gave an ultimatum but I said my boundaries are I do not want disrespect of her talking to another man through social media or any way at all even though we are all friends. I said you can do what you want but I'm not okay with it. When I brought it up I was shaking and trembling and horrified of the reaction. That's where I messed up. I should have not even said anything. I didn't enforce a fucking thing. They don't chat much and all the conversations can be argued with plausible deniability. Not even really flirting or anything inappropriate. Mainly just reactions to stories and posts. I had a big barbecue at my house the other day and he was invited months ago and there was a message of her saying aren't you so excited to meet our new dog and hang out with me? Like begging for validation. That is nonexistent in my world right now from her. I just hate the conversations. I hate her looking to another man for attention and totally stonewalling me for the past few weeks. I've gotten the talk of she feels emotional unsafe with me and is scared to share how she feels. I have definitely stonewalled her in past when she was trying to communicate something to me and went Rambo after a while. I was still getting the sex so I thought everything was great. Little did I know that I was not there for her emotionally in any sense. I know her emotions are not my job but I'm supposed to be there and be the Oak and a lot of the times I went full retard. I think I burned it to the ground myself honestly and that's what hurts so much. It is all my fault. It has been flipped around to where it is my fault and she even said yeah the conversations are exciting because i havent been there for her... her actually being overt is what is what scares me the most because brutal truth from a woman? Almost unheard of. There is no intimacy or emotional connection at this point and I don't know if it will ever come back. We talk and laugh and giggle. Went to a few concerts and had fun like nothing ever happened...It's been a month I'm just asking the pros to please guide me through this. Should I just rip the Band-Aid off now? Should I just STFU and keep improving myself before the impending separation? I do not have finances in order and have a preteen daughter and a 15 year old son. My step son... I am definitely having abandonment issues and I'm really scared. I thought I've grown and I thought I have changed but it was a total facade. Being strong is really hard right now and the only thing I have to look out for is my daughter. I am horrified of what is going to happen to her knowing that I am not as strong as I should be or can be. Obviously for my family I would love for this to stay together and fix what is broken. But maybe me bringing it up to her burned it all to the ground before I had a chance to improve, if I ever could. I was getting regular sex and everything was amazing for the past couple years and I was calling the shots and she was listening and being submissive. I don't know how I did this. I don't know where I went wrong. I would hate for divorce to happen so soon. It's been a month of this and it is unbearable. Please just give me some options or a direction to at least start. The only thing going through my head is just get divorce papers right away and get it over with but that is so scary and I'm not ready for that financially or I don't even know if I'm emotionally stable enough to keep it together. This is the most beta stuff I have ever put down and I am so embarrassed and disgusted with myself. I really really thought I was doing good but I am in a whirlwind of hell and emotions. I I knew better than to be needy or act insecure but I'm sure she can sniff the insecurity. But I'm not sitting there trying to hold her hand or get a validation kisses or beg for her to show me love or validation. I know that is super unattractive so I am avoiding stuff like that at all costs. She will still say I love you first and all the time freely. I don't think any ultimatum would do any good so I don't want to go that route. I'm just wondering if I should work on emotionally detaching and getting everything in order. The last thing I want is a divorce but I'm not going to be shit on like this. I can't. I cannot do that to myself or my integrity. But it feels too late right now. So if any of this makes sense, please please help me through this. Although I have one itis from hell, there are plenty of girls that I could easily get with. I do not have abundance but I know the options are there. The only thing I can keep thinking of is just going to get sex but it would all be for validation. I'm so horny and frustrated. Literally the first guy to ever give her any attention she just latches on to it and pretends it's all good and nothing wrong with it. I am so confused and in a haze like how is this my fault. She told me it's my fault. It seems like gas lighting but it is my fault so that's definitely not wrong. Says she wants to work on the marriage and see where things go but that could be just to shut me up. I'm rambling now so tell me to fuck off or give me something to work with please",,18,nevertoughever,2023-10-09 14:25:30 askMRP,17043o8,Red Pill therapy,"Does anyone know how to go about finding local therapy or coaching? I only want someone that is RP that can help me with codependency issues. Ideally someone who can hypnotize me to never feel love again. Lol",,3,NeoMacchio,2023-10-05 00:49:14 askMRP,16zcapc,Walking out and leaving for the night,"What do we do when a spouse just packs a night bag and goes back to their parent's place after an argument? Seems like the right thing to do here is for the locks to be changed when she returns, or divorce papers ready. On the other side of the coin, what behavior warrants us as men, up and leaving for the night (or a few)? Dread game somewhat advocates for this. But if so, is there a disparity between the man doing this vs the woman?",,5,czj10,2023-10-04 03:17:50 askMRP,16yaugu,Should I STFU or address disrespect?,"I’m new to RP and just found the famous sidebar and lifting as well as STFU. It has helped me so far and I dont believe I have swallowed the pill yet, and i am new to this. But she has seen changes and i belive is testing me. My wife attended a baby shower yesterday and she went with my 6 year old son. She left at 9 in the morning. I don’t know who picked her up but after she left, was surprised to see her car parked outside. I suspect a Chad. I didn’t hear from her all day, and they came back after midnight. I ignored them when they got back last night. She works a 12 hour shift today ao left around 10 and will be back at midnight. She had an attitude this morning - i guess either she is being defensive or she is being confrontational. Background is I suspected cheating and suggested we split and even told her parents. I have attorney who i have paid $7k retainer to- she has advised to wait to file after she gets a new job.. as she will be making significant money when she graduates as a RN in December. So there really isn’t a rush. I think when it comes to kids I should know where my son is and in whose presence especially as we still under the same roof. I believe she did this to test/get an emotional reaction out of me and to disrespect me as she has seen a change in me lifting, Stfu and minding my business.. I see disrespect/red flags all the time before RP.. I used to react but now but I STFU.. seems like these tests will continue but this is my only child and I love him. How do i address her behavior?",,10,EitherBedroom2341,2023-10-02 22:36:35 askMRP,16v2jzm,How to keep oneself motivated.,"General question I want to brainstorm with people here. I am not able to keep myself motivated to do anything. Office - just doing the thing to keep the paycheck running. There are days I am motivated and achieve so much. For the last couple of weeks, don’t want to wake up and do anything, just waiting for 4 pm. Home - Not showing that I am slacking but I inside I have no motivation for the house. In general pushed myself to gym to keep me on discipline and finished my workouts. I want to know how to have energy and kick to do things whole day. I want to run, gym, play with kids. Edit - I am 44, 2 kids and with some stress in the marriage.",,1,dontgetusetoit,2023-09-29 05:03:09 askMRP,16rqd1d,Lack of sex after first kid?,"Successful, attractive dude with high net worth, top 5% in looks and body. I have my shit together so don't post that I need to. This is a question for those married guys out there who have kids: did your wife just lose interest in sex after the first child? Infant is approaching a year old and we might fuck 3x a month now, and it usually is non enthusiastic. Her excuse is that she just doesn't feel like it, the kid sucks her energy, and she is sleep deprived. Fair points, but it really is starting to affect my happiness as a high libido guy. Anyone else experience this and what was the remedy? Time?",,16,jazerac,2023-09-25 12:13:18 askMRP,16rfnbs,Haven't talked in 5 days,"Hey all, &#x200B; Long time lurker, have read about 1/2 of the sidebar so I don't feel right posting in the main forum. Never really dealt with this situation and STFU / AM don't seem to be helping any. My girl and I both have two kids with OTHER PEOPLE and we live together. We do not have any kids with each other, just each has two kids from previous relationships. Our kids are on different schedules, so they are only ""all together"" for 2 days each week. She is very assertive with my kids about cleaning up and pointing out their deficiencies. She also happens to overlook any of her kids' flaws. This came to a head over the last few weeks, where she went off on my kids claiming that they were ""leaving a mess"" for her kids -- basically my kids (4 and 5 years old) left some toys out etc. I backed her up and went off on my kids as well -- it is important to me for the household to be clean and we have high standards. Fast forward to last Wednesday, our ""Date night"", as it is our only night without any of the kids. We had a great night, had a few drinks, etc... At the end of the night, I noticed the place was a pig-sty. I told her ""hey I am not bringing this up to point fingers, but come look at something with me."" I proceeded to show her the mess that her kids left (they were the last ones there). She went absolutely ballistic as if I called her kids the spawn of Satan -- she started throwing out insults towards my kids, saying how bad and messy they were, etc. ...Unfortunately I bought into her frame and DEER'd pretty hard. I replied: ""I'm literally just showing you the same type of thing that you would go off on my kids about -- but what, it's OK since it's YOUR kids' mess?"" Long story short, we haven't spoken more than 1-2 words in 5 days now. She gave me a long hug two nights ago, which was the only sign of warmth or affection she has shown. She has been incredibly cold, rude, and short in all interactions with me and my kids. For example, she cooked multiple meals where she only served food to HER kids, letting mine sit there without a plate (I ended up serving them the food that she cooked). Part of me thinks this is enough to cut bait and cut her out of my life over this. Part of me thinks it's maybe due to some ""Blue Pill"" tendencies I've retained in this relationship. I need help. Can anyone give me some tough love advice here? EDIT: stats 5’9 177 lbs Not sure squat max — I can Rep 225 10 times Bench - 215 1 time Deadlift - 265 (pulled my lower back a year ago, since then I suck at deadlift) No idea of body fat %, but recently I got a little belly. and “above average” looking…. I think lol Need some work on grooming Make several hundred K a year with a few businesses I own",,7,US_Capital,2023-09-25 02:09:22 askMRP,16q2se7,Not seeing purpose in working from home,"TLDR: I am working from home in IT. Feeling like I'm stuck at home and not really building anything. A little background: I (28M) am engaged with a 27F. Read: the rational male, NMMNG and currently in the process of finishing the sidebar. Relationship is 4 years solid, with the last 1.5 years redpilled. I lift (went from skinny 165 lbs and currently at 190 lbs). I work in IT, and it pays really well. As I said above, redpill has been a part of my life for a while. I used to work in an office some time ago, but I chose the position I am currently at because it paid better. Money really is not a problem right now. Thing is the sensation of working from home makes you feel like a lazy piece of shit. I try to go to a coworking space once in a week, and try to do the best I can in IT. Even lifting, going out frequently, doing stuff outside of work, working feels like the easiest part of my day (and it is solid 8hr of my day) A while ago I considered engaging a military career. I was drafted back in the day and I cannot describe the feeling of mission that military career has. How can I renew my purpose on working from home?",,6,the_chad_smith,2023-09-23 12:04:52 askMRP,16p5xnz,Asset Protection,"I'm not married or cohabiting for common law but no doubt will in the future. I would prefer not dividing my entire financial empire in two based on her decision, rather some minuscule amount. I wanted to discuss asset protection strategies as some of you might have more knowledge than I do. From what I understand you have: Pre marital assets - protected by prenups, in my country (and many others / states) these are not enforced, you will need to protect them yourself Post marital assets - unprotected by a prenup These unprotected assets can in theory be protected by: * Offshore bank accounts * Offshore property / assets * Offshore vaults f.ex. gold storage offered in Singapore * Crypto / family loans / family and friends cash in a safe Has anyone experience in this topic or utilised one of the above for this purpose? &#x200B;",,8,IamJacksFailedRep,2023-09-22 09:41:44 askMRP,16lcxx5,Any one feel like they started going backwards after lots of progress?," 44, 4 kids. 176.8 lbs 20bf (scale)Been doing side bar lifting etc since last Feb. Seems like last couple months it don't matter anymore, back to where i started. Wife is bitchier than normal. Sex non existent. 1st 6 mo or so was awesome and that was 20 lbs ago. I had ""I win"" kind of feeling as things were happening in the bedroom I was told never would again, and it was easy. Get in shape and don't be the 5th child at home also be fun. I got to the point didn't much care if we screwed and got more into my hobbies and interests. Now a year and a half into it I don't even bother initiating. Wondering if focusing too much on me(while still being present at home) gives out a selfish type of vibe and is a turn off? Is this backwards movement normal? FWIW, she did go off some happy pills a while back and is happy to have lost some weight. It's nice looking at a 100lb wife with a tight ass again, but she's miserable to be around. I've read the nervous and anxious housewives as well as oldest teenager in the house posts. After typing this I'm wondering if this is the issue. It does fit the timeline of severe attitude change.",,19,thewayof-vikings,2023-09-17 21:36:33 askMRP,16jmuq0,What if you want your wife to lead big parts of your life?,"Short version: I work, she manages the home/kids stuff. But the home/kids stuff is most of our life. Which we like, except the spark is gone. How do I become the captain here? Maybe this is DEER but I like most of the life that my wife and I have built together and a lot of our social life revolves around a community of friends who are primarily connected through our kids, schools, kids sports, and a social/sports club that my wife is way more active in than I could be. It doesn’t seem practical or desirable for me to lead our social schedule or manage the calendar of who is driving to the next soccer practice. I’m not going to join the PTA. I commute to work every day and travel somewhat frequently. But… I know it will never be attractive to just be a passenger on a ship of which my wife is captain. I’m here, and I’m reading, and I’m lifting. But how do I lead without fucking up all the day to day shit that she manages? I plan vacations and plan dates and take responsibility for our finances but I also fall into choreplay to try and be more active in day to day stuff at home and when I try to talk through the calendar she gets annoyed that I’m second guessing her shit. How do I be a leader when so much of our life (which again, we all like) is wrapped up in activities that I’m not able to be the primary on? Stats if you care: 41 Married 15 years 2 kids +/- 10ish Lifting 20+ years 5’11”, 175 lbs, 18% bf Rehabbing some things but roughly 170 bench, 325 squat, 365 DL",,14,[deleted],2023-09-15 19:45:40 askMRP,16gos8j,"(Off-topic): Anyone having dreams more often, since starting their MRP-journey?","So I labelled this off-topic, since it isn’t necessarily MRP related. The reason I wanna ask this question is I never used to dream. I can probably count on one hand how many times I’ve been having dreams for the last couple of years. However, the last 1,5 months I have been having dreams almost every night. I’m about 4 months into my MRP Journey and can’t help thinking that it is all this behaviour changing which is causing these dreams. Anyone else having/had the same experience?",,0,Wild-Cheesecake-6465,2023-09-12 11:26:21 askMRP,16g8ov8,An ex-wife that enthusiastically followed?,"Hey all, &#x200B; I'm a recently divorced 40M and I'm trying to understand the last meal I had with the woman who is my ex-wife. &#x200B; The scenario: It was the last day of moving stuff out of the house post divorce, and the day that I was leaving the home. Which was 9 days after the court issued the divorce decree. She asked what I wanted for dinner, the answer to which required her to go to the store for supplies and then she'd make it upon returning. Her request seemed genuine and she seemed to be happy or at least content that she had to make a trip to the store prior to making the meal. The meal itself was well prepared and delicious. &#x200B; She had a very strong desire to have me permanently out of her life. Based on that context, I do not understand the congeniality of this final interaction. 1. Why would she care at all about me having a ""nice"" final meal? 2. Why would she enthusiastically set to the task of purchasing and then cooking that final meal? &#x200B; It all just doesn't make any sense at all to me, and I'm assuming there is a mindset or interpersonal dynamic happening that I'm just not picking up on. Anyone have any idea why this went down so pleasantly? &#x200B; Just a final caveat, this IS NOT a post about ""help me use the red pill to get back with her"". That ship sailed and subsequently was burned and sank to the bottom of the ocean, there is zero possibility of reconciliation. My purpose is to see if there is anything of value to learn from this final interaction and have that in the toolbox going forward.",,5,Driven2b,2023-09-11 21:54:19 askMRP,16drr6f,Behavioral Changes Before Main Event,"Those of you who've gone through a main event, what behavior changes did you notice in your spouse leading up to it?",,6,BecomingABetterMan1,2023-09-09 00:51:40 askMRP,16dg5yz,Where is the sidebar?,"Can someone explain or show me steps to the sidebar ? I’m a total newbie .. (49) 6’2.. 270.. I started the year with the same weight and even though i have not lost any.. i started seeing results about 2 months ago and i look like a tank if i loss the belly fat.. im in the gym 5x a week.. sometimes 2x a day.. im the most beta on here by far.. no need to explain .. 1x a year sex.. paying the bills and Credit cards… babysitting while she out with Chad.. name it.. I just stumbled upon RP prolly a month ago.. reading NMMMG now and Anatomy of Female Power.. I have been lurking here and everyone says sidebar.. STFU.. lift.. I need the links to the sidebar.. I realize I was a drunk captain.. but I believe its too late to fix because the respect is gone.. I confronted her about infidelity.. she called the previous Chad and asking him on speaker.. ’my husband says ur fucking me.. ru fucking me?’ What followed immediately was the most interesting movie.. she called her parents crying that i accused her of cheating.. they called me and accused me of telling them they didn’t raise their daughter right.. then she called my sister and told her I insulted her father.. all of this in maybe an hour… its been one year since and now.. on to her classmate in nursing school.. who is now her coworker.. so she either at school, work, Or library with Chad#2… while I work from home.. or have son. This is her last semester and graduates in Decembe as a RN. I have seen attorney for divorce and i asked for lie detector or divorce and she chose divorce .. but I am not yet in my frame.. i have paid $5k of 7k to lawyer and filling paperwork today as we speak.. i have been reading a lot and i realize i am a codependent with ‘savior complex’ . I honestly thought everything i did for her i was doing for me.. so i neglected my self.. and kept trying harder… now i realize i was a simp. Lol. Now i started practicing STFU.. less than a month ago and I am seeing changes but she won’t even admit to infidelity. I know there’s no shortcut. I also have been getting attention from other women and last weekend i came home in the morning after hanging out in Atlantic City.. she also doesn’t care and is doing her. We have a 6 year old son who is my world.. a few weeks ago he told her he hadn’t seen her in 2 days.. i tried to explain the importance of her relationship with him and i have seen her start to spend more time after i told her parents we have agreed to split. We come from a different culture so there’s a traditional marriage before a legal one. I didn’t realize how much of this is my fault and i have been beta for years trying to control her with covert contracts because i paid the bills. Now i have to work on me.. at the same time work on divorce. I don’t think I swallowed the pill yet.. Am i on the right track.. ?",,10,EitherBedroom2341,2023-09-08 17:09:34 askMRP,16dhbl3,"Frame, ego, deer and covert contracts.","I'm trying to wrap my head around something after reading a horns and sepean posts. I have a need to explain everything that's happening all the time. I thought that I was sharing my frame but I just learnt in an old sepean post that this is not what sharing your frame remotely looks like. I then read an old horns post saying that it's a covert contract and an ego thing. I don't understand what that means though? I might be a bit fucking stupid, but I saw some videos from Rian about how jack use to share his frame and I genuinely thought that was what I was doing. I realise that I do have a frame and it's a bloody good 1 that I learnt from many people here on how to be. I guess my question is how the fuck do I go on now. I've just spent the last 2 years deering every fucking conversation with the mrs thinking I'm holding my frame. It's a mess and I don't have a single direction to head towards. Also if I still have ego, is there a way to completely crush it? I use rians 'i ain't shit and that's okay' mental model, but I think I might need a bit more then that. Just some back story on me. I've been here 5 years, never used OYS and lurked the entire time. 6-3 240 I don't know my lifts in LBS but here they are in kg Bench: 100kg X5 Squat: 150 X5 Deadlift: 180kg x3",,7,Relevant-Pollution97,2023-09-08 17:55:02 askMRP,1660cah,Talk to me nice or don't talk at all.,"Question on a previous night I had with a FB at a kink/fetish event. During the night, there is some shit tests/cheeky comments w/e I AM/AA. At some point she calls me a bitch (usually will do this after I smack her). It offended me this time, I didn't have any desire to hide it though. Nor to react. Naturally I'm asked what's wrong. Said ""we'll talk later."" Put it to the back my mind until we had time to talk in private. I didn't feel butthurt as I previously have been in these types of situations. Trying to pretend to not be ""hurt"" when I am, and just sulking type of butthurt. Had a car ride with a couple and everyone was involved in convo until we were dropped off. Laughter and no dead silence the whole way. Chat- Jay: I don't want you to call me a bitch no more, I don't like it. FB: I only do it because you react to it. J: -*Bert stare-* F: It's only a joke I don't mean it, you know that right?... Right? J: Can guess, but no, I can never know... and it's irrelevant. F: *Eyes water -* I would never do anything to hurt you or your feelings, you know this right? J: I make the assumption it's a joke, serious or joke I don't have any time nor space for this in my life. F: *crying & scared face -* I'll try to never do it again but what if I fuck up? what's gonna happen? Can you be patient while I learn? J: *Pause to think* \- I'll try. Similarly a gymbro had called me a pussy because he believed I had 1more rep on a squat. Again, fully understood that he is jesting/fucking around with me. I still had/have 0 desire to tolerate it. Told him to never call me this. I have my own thoughts, but I want you guys perspective. I'll end up overthinking if I try much, if I failed, I failed. I want my behaviour to work in my favor. Writing this I realise another OYS is overdue.",,0,NoMoreMrNiceJay,2023-08-31 03:56:59 askMRP,1628cyt,Wife wants to have a heart to heart ritual. Advice?,"I am pretty new to MRP and currently in the anger phase. I’m on a solo trip at the moment and am generally trying to work on myself and my other relationships. She misses me when I’m gone and seeks my attention. However, she has mentioned that she feels like our spark has faded and that she wants to feel butterflies. I know that all of this reflects me losing both my alpha and my beta over the last several years. I’ve fixed the beta (used to be irresponsible) and am working on fixing the alpha. I used to be quite romantic, confident, and active and am trying to bring that back in a more mature version. My wife approached me a few days ago saying that she has done some googling. She feels that she has some resentment toward me from things that happened earlier in our relationship. She found a “couples forgiveness ritual” online that she wants to do together, and insists that this is an important step for her to deal with her resentment. She can also tell that I have resentment and wants me to open up as well. We basically are supposed to talk a lot, light some candles, and get rid of some “symbolic objects” from bad times in our relationship. I told her that I would rather move on and make positive memories instead, but she really wants this. However, I’m in the anger phase and also don’t think that feelz will come from this kind of talk vs. self-improvement. Hell, last year, I was doing well in self-improvement and her feelings for me came back in full force, no big ritual needed. Plus, I’m angry/resentful enough that I don’t want to open my cap and spill out all of this rage and bitterness. I think it would be negative for me. Yet, she wants to do this as soon as possible and really thinks she needs this. She says that her goal is to have a closure conversation about these previous issues and then move on without so much conflict and tension in our relationship. She wants things to feel easy which is fair, as we have argued a lot over the last few years. I don’t think she means anything bad. I believe she is genuinely trying to reconnect. She has also recently hit the gym (after I did) and is sending me a lot of updates on her progress. I’m a little stuck and looking for advice. Again, I’m new, and learning fast but still working on things. I am planning to hardcore follow my MAP for the next six months and then evaluate divorce. I’m considering doing the ritual with a plan in place for what I’d like to say, going for less rather than more, but I’m not sure.",,10,mdjfodiepcklrn2,2023-08-26 22:11:44 askMRP,1617e9s,So I'm the Drunk Captain. How do I know identify structural improvements v. something that only makes me more of a plowhorse?,"If you have examples of each, that should suffice. I can already see getting out of shape as structural, but I'm good on that front, so any other examples would be helpful so I can get an idea of what I should be looking to work on. Edit for context: Stats: Age: 28 5'10.5"" BW: 162 lbs S/B/DL: 374/286/440 (converted from kilos, so some #s look weird) BF around 11-12% I have my mission figured out, am working on it everyday, and am progressing. We don't have kids, not married, but living together. Since I found TRP 5 years ago, I made a ton of progress going from a stereotypical nice guy to seeing lots of success spinning plates. My current LTR was my favorite and we got along super well even compared to all my other plates in the past so after about 1.5 yrs we made it exclusive. However, LTR is definitely not the same toolset in all cases, and I'm unsure of what tools to swap out or add in for LTR. One thing she's said I've fucked up there is that she feels alone sometimes, which I can see and have been working on. However, beyond that, I don't know how to know if what I'm changing is something that I should have been leading v. what would be betaization by a thousand concessions. I need help identifying the difference. &#x200B; &#x200B;",,3,linkofinsanity19,2023-08-25 18:38:47 askMRP,160spbd,Is it as simple as choosing power?,"Is the whole business in this place to simply choose to be powerful as opposed to weak? More and more the matter of my LTR in it self is fading in the distance. It’s just a display of my weakness. I see fear driving me to terrible states of anxiety where all I want, all I desire, from the bottom of my heart is comfort. To feel safe. I’m starting to have the capacity to just say “I don’t want this, there’s nothing to fear”, and in doing so shift back in my frame and have power. Is that all it really boils down to? I’ve had a couple of glorious weeks, I’ve also stumbled a few times, and the stumbling always goes back to fear taking over. And the fear at the bottom is always the same: “abandonment”. But abandonment is only a problem because of scarcity. Where I don’t believe in scarcity there is no fear. There is shit to own and stuff to be learnt, for sure, and none of it is ever a problem when I’m sitting inside my head deciding what is good for me and period. I’ve said it before, things go pear shape for me when I’m triangulating what should I do because I'm afraid of other people's reaction, instead of just doing because I want to. Those of you that have had success, is that pretty much it?",,5,TitanUranus_88,2023-08-25 08:01:05 askMRP,1605sld,"Was this a comfort test, shit test or smth else? And was this progress og regression? And how retarded did I manage it?","So, a situation in my marriage happened appr. 14 days ago. The last couple of years I have been angry and snapping quit often at my wife. But now that I have stopped turning my rage against her, she could suddenly feel herself and basically told me she had a big open wound inside that needed to heal before she could focus on anything else. She felt like she was having a depression. Fair enough, I’ve been a jackass. During the next 14 days I didn’t provide explicit comfort to her and probsbly also turned up my alpha behaviour to not doing as many chores as usual, prioritizing my own needs first and generally just focused on other stuff I suspect. Last night we sat and talked about how things are going and she was super angry in a way I had never seen her before. She was litterally boiling over. Saying all the stuff she wanted me to be, all the mistakes I’ve made during the last month or so - not providing comfort/disinterest in her, only focusing on myself and my own life, not doing stuff that I used too (chore-play). All in all I handled the situation better than expected. I didn’t get offended or bothered by being trash-talked, but just used fogging, negative inquiry, STFU and so on. Also being very assertive in saying what I could/wanted and what I didn’t want - and it was definately not the same view as my wife. It was amazing how easy it was to not get in her frame when simply sticking to using these tools. However, I’m very uncertain how I should understand the whole situation. It felt to me like I fucked up on the initial comfort test these last 14 days ago and now she was so angry it became somewhere between a shit test/mental breakdown. How do you experienced guys interpret what happened? Is this progression or regression? Am I back to zero?",,8,Wild-Cheesecake-6465,2023-08-24 15:54:16 askMRP,15z0emw,Questions about my frame.,"Hi Everyone. I have just finished reading Praxeology Volume 1: Frame by Rian Stone, and I have a question about my frame. I am a little retarded and never truly understood frame, even if I have been hearing about it since RSD was a thing, and I still don't! A little background about me (27M) and I am a former spin plater who has decided to try LTR for the personal belief that I think it is a better to have children in that type of situation. Currently, me and my girlfriend (23F) have basically been having a dead bedroom, and I am just fed up with it. I made basically all the mistakes that are talked about. \* Doing what she asks for: ""You need to touch me more.."" (Reality: You need to touch me whenever I feel like it once every full moon) \* Asking for more sex (You cant negotiate attration).  \* Not holding frame. (Self explanatiory) \* Trying to logically justify my decisions (talking with women is pointless; just state what you want and STFU, and make her STFU or just leave the room) She says I am different towards her and all that bullshit, and honestly, even if it were true, I could not care less. Since reading Athol Kay's The Married Max Sex Life Primer, I have been working on my Alpha traits. Hitting the gym (I was/am fat because of my university thesis) And since I have met her, I have only improved everything about myself; I am less fat than when we met and a few months away from having a six pack (Alpha), I have now a super high paying job as an electrical engineer and money where I was broke (Was a broke student) (Aplha + Beta / Money = Beta, High Status Job = Alpha)   My objective is for her to be as sexual as when we first met, but after a little dabbling with all the concepts of MRP am kind of fed up trying so hard when I can way more easily just jump the boat and have sex with multiple different women at the same time. She takes me for granted, and from the book mentioned above ""Gratitute isn't free"". Now to all of you, I won't break up with her; no need to explain, but there are indeed a lot of perks to being with a girl with rich parents, I can't lie (I am in the south of Spain RN with all of my stuff payed for at least something I can't take from having to deal with her...) If I had tons of money, I wouldn't even be with her, as I would rather opt for surugacy to have children. Now: Last night I was so fed up with doing shit I didn't want to do with the expectation that we were going to fuck that when she obviously came up with an excuse. I kind of snapped inside. Me: Initiates sex Her: ""We can't have sex"" (Bull excuse).. Me: ""Ok then"" (noticably angry) Her Trying to convince me it's not her fault, excuse this and that. Me ""Just shut the fuck up and go to sleep; I don't care."" Her: She wouldn't shut the fuck up. I leave the room and go read for 2 hours until she is asleep and in complete silence. Now my goal is to either give me sex or break up with me (I don't care). So the frame I have right now is being the guy who just does not pay attention to his girlfriend's needs and wants. You want a hug? then blow me.  You want me to come with your family? then blow me.  Anything she wants I try the best I can to say no to, ignore etc. You want the guy that does all of this? either fuck me or go find another one I dont care. I have had enough of shit. I believe this is a strong frame if the intention is for her to break up with me. I am not so sure why this isn't a strong frame for me to have sex; instinctively,  I feel that, but I am unsure why. Does anyone know why this might not be a good frame for sex?",,0,DECRYPT_ERROR,2023-08-23 10:54:47 askMRP,15us43s,Must read Book for free at the moment,"I’ve seen a lot of people here haven’t read „How to Win Friends & Influence People“, you can get a free kindle copy at AZ for right now. It’s a must read IMO and also named in the sidebar. Cheers",,12,Meteor1x,2023-08-18 18:20:35 askMRP,15ueywn,Manglish/Womanese and Being The Captain (or dick?),"I could use some help with calibration and opinions on if i handled this appropriately. This is also my first field report so if my formatting is shit or whatever - let me know and I'll edit it later. **Stats** I'm on OYS 10, 5'9, 206lbs ~12%BF. I don't care if you don't believe those numbers; the clients I coach do. Married 7 years, 1x 6 year old child. **Background** My(29) wife(33) gets $100 for gas and $100 for incidentals/wants weekly. Well she spent like $300 over budget. Each week. My fault for not keeping tabs on it like I should have - this woman cannot be left alone with a credit card. To add to that, we have about 2 grand in gymnastics fees for our daughter due, and I just went through about $1500 on car repairs. I do well, but yo we are BROKE right now. **Why am I posting this** There was a death on my wife's side of the family. Distant relative, both physically and emotionally (in 10 years of knowing my wife, she's mentioned the relative maybe 20 times total and I've seen her talk to him maybe once on the phone). Funeral is coming up next week, 3000 miles away, and plane tickets haven't been bought (estimated $750 round trip if she flies the absolute shittiest way - AKA Spirit). There is additional family drama going on with her side, but the details aren't pertinent to this - at least regarding my question. We found this out 2-3 days ago. She's been leaning on me emotionally since then and I've been the oak. Not unmoved, but also very much in control of my emotions. She's not using me like an emotional tampon; I've been that before - this isn't that. For the last few days, she ""hasn't been able to decide if she wants to fly out for the funeral or stay"". At least, that's what she's been saying... it's womanese for ""tell me you won't be mad at me for spending more of your money"". I knew what she meant; she wanted me to tell her to go, or that I'd support whatever she decided. That's what I would have said in the past, despite me not wanting her to dig us further into a financial shit hole of her own digging. Well I wasn't doing that this time. She asked my opinion and I told her ""we're broke, she'd overspent consistently the last couple weeks, and we still have a lot of big bills coming up."" I also mentioned that due to her family drama, that I didn't think closure was going to happen for her... she's got a history of letting emotions control her actions like a teenager on occasion. AWALT, whatever. I knew she'd care more about the drama than closure and it would be wasted money. On day 1 I offered to make the decision for her, that way she wouldn't feel guilty for not going. No answer. Offered again on day 2. Deflection, re stated offer - deflected again. I offered again today. She said she'll ""stay home instead of flying out, but that it isn't at all what she wanted to do"". **Reflection** I'm taking this to mean that she wanted me to tell her to blow through my money on plane tickets, for a distant relative she hasn't actively conversed with since she was in her early teens. I was going to just tell her ""no"" if she took up my offer to make the choice for her. She didn't want me to make the choice because she knew my decision. She didn't want to spend the money and upset me. She also didn't want to miss the funeral. I offered to make the decision so she wouldn't have to deal with the regrets/responsibility of either. **Questions** - Should I just have told her ""no"", and not let her waffle over the decision these last few days? - What would you do differently/where did I fuck up. - Is keeping the ship pointed in the right direction more important than the mental health of the first officer? To the extent of this situation, I think this is the right call. EDIT TL;DR: Pretty sure my wife wanted me to say ""yes"" to go to a distant family member's funeral. She knew I was going to say ""no"" but was hoping I'd change my mind, so she decided ""no"" on her own. How badly do I suck?",,3,BecomingABetterMan1,2023-08-18 08:51:46 askMRP,15tojkv,Wife is sexual but doesn’t actually want sex?,"My wife often declines sex for reasons that I see through. I get “I’m tired”, “I’m too stressed out”, and “my stomach doesn’t feel good” much more often than not, unfortunately. Working on my MAP to become more attractive. Here’s the thing that confuses me though… she’s very sexual throughout the day. She initiates a lot of physical contact. Cuddling, but also heavy make-out sessions. She’s often feeling around my body and takes off my clothes. She’ll hold me from behind when I’m doing something. She’ll jump onto my lap and grind on me, she’ll pin me on the bed. She’ll call me hot or sexy on a regular basis. It confuses me, because if I actually initiate, then she doesn’t want it. I also get lots of back rubs, head scratches, and other pampering like being given coffee every morning. Yesterday, she even said “sorry I haven’t had much of a sex drive lately, I’m too depressed and stressed out. How much am I allowed to touch you without having sex?” I just said “that’s a pretty shitty question” and left it at that. She felt bad but didn’t take it back. Then she started pawing at me for more physical affection and asking “are you mad?” and I tried to play it off. Any explanation/advice for this situation?",,7,mdjfodiepcklrn2,2023-08-17 14:02:50 askMRP,15thoun,"Off-Topic: I have mission, an amazing life, but still no friends. Fiancee starting to notice","TLDR: I have a job and a fiancee, I go to the gym and I am enrolled in college. Still no friends. Getting a little hard to hide this from fiancee. I'm going to start off with a little background: I did really well in school in earlier years, but was kind of a completely shut-in nerd. And that went from middle to highschool. I couldn't sustain a friendship, while other people would be partying, playing and stuff. Part of the problem was that I was too worried about other people opinion. I started to work and started going to college, waiting that the situation would be better, but it was the same shit. 0 friends. I have 1 or 2 dudes which I talk to once in a while. They are nice, it's good to talk with them. And I have a fiancee. I never let this ""0 friends"" side of myself show off. I ""know"" a lot of people, and she thought I had a solid friendship circle at college. But things are starting to get a little off: She is starting to notice I don't really have a genuine group of friends. At this point, things are still chill. But I'm afraid in the future she'll notice she married a fucking autistic dude. I got really well on work. Can get along with everybody. And I can be really extroverted in classes. But things never went on a solid friendship. How tf can I change this situation? I read a lot of redpill theory about non-dating-strategy (like NMMNG, articles about mission, manliness and stuff).",,10,Imaginary-Cloud-7721,2023-08-17 08:52:26 askMRP,15t3wdf,What's the alternative to acting butthurt when she does something fucked up?,"In some situations, you will STFU, reward her negatively OR set boundaries. These are the three main ways I see of reacting to her bad behavior. But what if none of these fit with the situation? A little background: I (28M) am engaged with a 27F. Read: the rational male, NMMNG and currently in the process of finishing the sidebar. Relationship is 4 years solid, with the last 1.5 years redpilled. I lift (went from skinny 165 lbs and currently at 190 lbs). Let me give some examples: me and fiancee are currently in college (different colleges). There were some times (not many times, kinda rare) when I needed to go the house of a classmate to do some work on projects. And the same thing applies to her, with her female classmates (going to the house of another dude to do college work is already a boundary I set). But one day I got home from work and didn't find her. I called and she said she was at her classmate's house. The fucked up thing was that she didn't told me, and I didn't know how to act on the phone call. Anything I said could be interpreted as butthurt. So I just aksed why she didn't tell me (she said she just went to it and forgot to tell me) and said like ""ok, see you at home"". But I was butthurt as fuck in the inside. How can I act in these situations? And is it manipulative to want to know where she is? We already had fights because of this kind of question. I saw myself, in the beginning of the relationship, really manipulative in the way of wanting to know where she is. Things are more """"civil"""" rn. ",,7,the_chad_smith,2023-08-16 22:12:35 askMRP,15rv9y2,How to handle a disrespectful daughter,"I have an 8 year old daughter who talks back to my wife (and even me on occasion), doesn't obey our instructions to her, doesn't stay on task, is willful and doesn't take correction, etc I am wracking my brain trying to figure out where this behavior comes from or what to do about it. She had bad, disrespectful influences at school, but we homeschool now. My wife is extremely respectful and obedient, when she (rarely) disagrees with me she does so respectfully but always honors my decisions. I also speak respectfully to her as well We never raise our voices to each other. Other kids are younger (4, 2, 1) We've tried: Explaining why she needs to be respectful) Explaining that God says to honor your parents (we go to church 2x/week) Having her write paragraphs about being respectful as a consequence Time out. Telling her not to say anything when she is angry. Taking away video games (it's basically permanent at this point) Raising my voice (recently) Anytime I hear the behavior I interrupt it immediately and defend my wife. I just asked her what goes on in her head when she talks disrespectfully to my wife and she said ""I know I'm being disrespectful but I say those things because I'm annoyed and I want her to stop taking"" We don't spank. I've been against spanking all my life. I was talking to my wife last night and I asked her why she didn't talk back to her mom, she said ""because I was afraid of her"" is that what we're missing? I'm a recovering Nice Guy and while my marriage has improved immensely, I'm wondering if this has something to do with it. My wife is absolutely the type of woman I want my daughters to grow up to be (feminine, respectful, hard working, virgin until marriage) EDIT: update based on responses -im not expecting perfection, but this behavior is chronic",,9,theodorelogan0735,2023-08-15 15:05:50 askMRP,15qldxc,Betaization or Legitimate problem,"Hey guys, I'm confused about the difference on some situations during a LTR. I know that during the betaization process a girl would manipulate a man to make him feel troubled and feel as if he is not doing enough in some departments. Lets say for instance a girlfriend who is constantly complaining to her man about not getting compliments or ""words of reaffirmation"" or that she ""doesn't feel loved"". How can you know if this is just her trying to weaken you or if you are truly not giving enough attention-love, to your partner? Is all that something that should simply be handled with, for instance, fogging? Is some reaffirmation necessary? When does it stop being a double bind and become a legitimate comfort test? Situations like your girl sending you selfies of her, how should you respond? My last relationship ended due to complaints of her supposedly having to beg for love. To this day I'm not sure if it was just her hamstering getting bigger due to me DEERing all the time (which now I know for sure is a big mistake) or if there is truly some truth, and I was a cold fish. &#x200B; &#x200B;",,7,Jac0bPalmer,2023-08-14 05:25:54 askMRP,15p8kvi,Wife is angry and doesn't know if she can see me sexually,"Working on myself. Got a big promotion. Got sober except social drinking. Gym five days a week. NMMNG, MMSLP, several times and a stack of other books. Spending time with male friends. Until I fixed up my shit I was fucking shit up with my wife. Married 18 years. Years of DEER, minimal sex because I was a drunk stoner. Felt anxious about sex and being a man in the bedroom. Total loser. Long story short my lack of fucking her has made her feel like shit about herself. She tried and tried and I just kept being a drunk stoned anxious idiot. She's angry at me and said she doesn't know if she can see me sexually again. I've changed a lot. Worked on my shit, I'm a different person. She's sees this but the problem persists. Is there any coming back from this shit?",,16,BasicDesignAdvice,2023-08-12 16:14:04 askMRP,15kmds9,How to deal with really tough times,"I (28M) am engaged with a 27F. I have read the rational male, NMMNG, and I am currently in the process of finishing the sidebar. We started dating back in 2016, so it's kind of a solid relationship. I asked her in marriage some months ago, and we have a great relationship. I started applying redpill to our relationship back in 2018, when I first heard about the philosophy. I lifted since, and I can say I have a really great body (went from skinny 165 lbs and currently at 190 lbs). So, I am going through some really tough times in my personal life (things which envolves just me, not her), and I don't know how to deal with some situations. In my town, we have an army course that teaches basic things about the military. The course started in march 2023, and basically I have to be there at 6AM, mon - fri. To get things ready, I wake up at 5AM, and the daily course ends at 8AM. It teaches basic things we usually see in the military: gun assembling and disassembling, shelter, physical training and etc. We also have a biweekly overnight staying (24hr), usually at saturday or friday. At the end of the course I will have a military certification. Besides that, I work a 9 to 5, and I am currently enrolled in a CS course. I basically go to college from 7PM to 11PM, mon-fri. The thing is, routine is tough, and sometimes I have some things to deal with at home. Me and my fiancee usually go out on the weekends, but I will confess that I am extremely tired. The military course ends in December, and if I could, I would literally do nothing besides my routine until the course finishing (no nights out, no compromises in the weekend, nothing). I am holding myself really hard not to start talking to fiancee about the situation, and I pretend on not telling. Is there an approach in which I could tell her that I don't want any more compromises on the weekend, without telling her that I'm tired and being beta around her? ",,10,the_chad_smith,2023-08-07 14:31:34 askMRP,15kycgv,Looking for some perspective. Long post,"Hi, I'm a 25YO dude, mid May I had a breakup with my now ex gf (24). I know this subreddit is for longer term relationships and I dated this girl for only 7 months, but I feel like guys here have the most ""advanced"" views, so I would really appreciate some insight. I know this is a veeeery long post, but I pretty much need as much clarity as I can get, which means giving as much detail as possible. So far i have read Models, 3% Man, Book of pook. Ok so, this was my first REAL breakup, and with that I mean the first one where it was about it not working out and not external factors. Right from the start this chick showed really high desire but also a lot of insecurity, she would make drama thinking I was mixing memories of her with someone else, or that I was only going to use her, or that I was a fuckboy, etc. For 6 months, I handled things decently enough for her to still be all over me. Problems arose when apparently she started running out of patience on her desired level of romance and validation not being fulfilled, she would constantly create arguments about me not giving her compliments (I made sure to give as much as she gave me in this aspect). The problem was, that back then I understood that simply showering her with attention and validation was not the way to go, but this also meant she kept complaining about it. Until this day, I'm not entirely sure if she was just too insecure and needy or if I'm not aware of me being a cold fish, maybe this is just me being a little gaslighted, I don't know. One thing I know for sure now, thanks to watching Rian Stone's content, is that I was making the mistake of DEERing, I often began thinking I was just being assertive but sometimes ended up just arguing with logic (mostly on our last month, probably a reason of why it got worse) whenever she brought up this same BS topic. But at the time I was conflicted because all I knew was that I was being demanded of love in a very angry way, which made it actually more difficult for me to be loving as I felt I was being emotionally blackmailed so to speak, like I would just be rewarding bad behavior. Basically, I thought like ""Can't you stop being such a bitch for just a couple of weekends, so I feel at peace enough to be more loving?"". Eventually one day when she was cranky I broke up with her and just left. She was texting me a whole week asking for a second chance until I took her back. Next weekend we were banging like rabbits, two days go by, and we have another argument again about the compliments' thing, she says she feels like begging for love. I DEER hard, she stonewalls and hamsters harder, eventually cries like a maniac and says she is too broken and insecure for a relationship and apologizes for ruining everything, I take this as a break-up, so I support it, we say some romantic bs for like an hour, we hug and make out, then part ways. Next day she texts me apologizing again for her issues and asks if we can work it out together, but considering how this happened so soon after taking her back, I figured it was pointless and refused, so she can ""Work on it herself"". She then texts me romantic text after romantic text saying things like ""I hope life gives us another chance once I get at least a little better, there is nothing I wish more than stopping my self sabotage, so we could be together"". We say goodbye again but then she spends the next 5 days putting sad romantic songs on my Spotify and then a bunch of songs about reconciliation and even posts one on her Instagram story. I fell for it and text her to meet up to talk, she enthusiastically accepts and we agree on her reaching out once she knows the exact date of her finals so we can set a date for after she is done with them. She tells me: ""It's a deal. We were on each other's minds, it must be the stars"" I say ""We were, some powerful magic huh, until then, kick ass on those exams"". She replies the next day with only a sticker of a disappointed cat. As she didn't say anything else, I figured it would be dumb to ask her why she sent that, so I just assumed it was not important and that she would reach out. She never did. In hindsight knowing her, she must have felt like I was too dry with my answer and felt very sad and gave up or expected me to reach out again to compensate (no I'm not kidding, something similar happened once, so I was naive thinking it was no big deal). I was so confused while waiting, I knew exams were over yet ...she never reached out. One day I found a post on IG that said ''I miss you but i don't want to go back anymore""... It had a like from her... I check her profile and she seemingly went out with friends and now her pic with me is gone. I felt so betrayed, she gives this speech of how she ruined everything, asks to stay together, then keeps sending me crap like songs to make me feel like she's serious about being together and is all happy about meeting up, then just ghosts me. That hurts like hell. A week later I reach out just to tell her whatever happened, at the end of the day I wish her the best and that I value our memories, not expecting a response, but as a naive way to give myself closure. She responds that she thought I meant that I was the one who would reach out to HER, and that it was a misunderstanding that just shows our difficulties with communication. I mean, I feel like if it's true, it's stupid, it was clear she was the one who had to reach out, after all she was the one who needed to find out about her exam's dates. She again mentions how she ""Projected her insecurities onto me and the relationship which damaged greatly and that she can no longer escape the responsibility of fixing her issues"". Mentions nothing about rescheduling our meetup, but just wishes me the best and something like ""If life makes our paths cross in the future, see you there"". I, not getting the hint and believing her on that we didn't meet up just because of a misunderstanding, tell her that I wanted back then to say that I reconsidered the idea of working things out together, she says she was no longer sure we could. I should have left it at that, but instead suggest just hanging out, so we can let spending time together give us the answers on what to do. She says she's going through a lot, and she doesn't know if she can prioritize the relationship. I tell her the idea is to just focus on hanging out and having fun, she says she doesn't know because she has too much going on and that she ""can't these days"". Being impossible to make it more obvious she just doesn't want to go back, I cut my losses and say ""I understand circumstances change, and you are going through a lot, take care, send you a hug"". I felt like I was already being too mature here, she literally stringed me along into thinking she really wanted to work things out, ghosted me and now that I reach out, gave excuses instead of at least admitting she should have AT LEAST communicated that she changed her mind. She replies, ""I do, believe it, a big, big hug for you too"". I leave that message on read as the convo was over. A shitty, unfair ending but an ending at least. But it gets worse... An hour goes, and she double texts ""Some other time, I'm really unstable right now, don't you think it's an excuse"". I got so pissed of, at least it was over. And now, after all her selfishness and damage caused for her lack of consideration, the ghosting, the avoidance of responsibility with condescension... and now she has the audacity of bread crumbing me with that? I made my best effort to not call her out on her BS and just said ""I understand you don't mean wrong, but that would be putting myself in limbo and that's unacceptable, you would feel the same in my position, anyway, my best wishes"". She doesn't say anything. Two months of heartbreak go by, feeling played with, disappointed, etc. My birthday comes and she, like nothing, texts me ""Hey Happy Birthdayyyyyyy, have a great oneeeeee, a big, big hug for you"" I didn't even reply and just ignored it. Is this petty? Is pettiness sometimes justified? I would like general in depth insight, but my main concern is, how do you know o which extent you are fucking up badly or your girl is too difficult? One part of me feels like it's all my fault because at the end of the day if I had my game on point things would just work out no matter what, or maybe it is that I can't seem to fit in my head that just because there was chemistry for 6 months things sometimes can't work out when there is too much baggage or something. Also, why would you guys do to get over a chick when you know it's the one you've liked the most and talking to others feels like a nuisance? Maybe I have to force myself a bit. If I'm being a bitch, please tell me, but in detail so I can at least be an enlightened bitch. Thanks. &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B;",,0,Jac0bPalmer,2023-08-07 21:52:52 askMRP,15f4bxa,Is it my insecurity or should I check her?,"BG: Mid 20's, in a LTR of 1.5y, read NMMNNG, WISNIFG, 160lbs 13%bf. 1RM: BP 190 OHP 110, DL 230 (no SQ because of leg problems. DL affected as well). LTR always been great, a lot of sex, always flirting, doing a lot of fun (I vetted her and had other plates before going LTR route). &nbsp; Usually I feel very confident with shit tests and boundaries, and it's noticeably important for my LTR to respect me and my boundaries. Lately I've noticed myself feeling butthurt when she posted a pretty revealing bikini mirror pic on her IG story for the first time and it caught me off guard since she never did anything like this, it's usually way less provoking and I get those kind of pictures only privately. Since I got emotionally butthurt I wonder if it's just my insecurity and I should STFU or if that's her pushing my boundaries and I should establish them better. Of course if she was f.e posting her boobs I'd very easily tell myself (and her) ""I don't date women who do stuff like this"" and leave. Alternatively if it was the usual pics I wouldn't mind, but it's right in the middle where I don't understand if I'm just insecure or I should act to establish that although she can do whatever she wants I don't like it and if it repeats or get more extreme that'd be pushing my boundary. &nbsp; I'm pretty ashamed with myself that I'm even invested in something like this but it is so I hope to learn a lesson here and not get so confused next time. Would love to get some advice.",,8,lisguy,2023-08-01 06:31:50 askMRP,15ed08x,Normal to no longer be attracted to your spouse?,Been actively working towards bettering myself everyday in the past 10 months. The only issue now is I'm not as attracted to my wife anymore. I don't even really want to have sex with her anymore to be honest I just want to caveman and call it good for the night. We have 2 kids so not sure what my angle is here.,,19,Evening_Key9248,2023-07-31 11:01:40 askMRP,15e93xc,How do you deal with boundary testing or gray area situations?," After reading nmmng, wisnifg, and most of the sidebar I still have a basic question I don't quite understand: Are boundaries binary? If they're not explicitly crossed I just ignore the behavior? &nbsp; If your usually pleasant and respectful wife does something you don't like, or that's borderline disrespectful to test your boundaries, how do you enforce that? Not like a get-out-of-the-relationship type situation like cheating or burning all your money, more like raising her voice on you around people, acting a bit disrespectful, or anything you don't want to put up with but that isn't a big deal and doesn't usually happen. How enforcing something like that looks like? How do I command respect? Naturally I wouldn't react in any special way about such things but maybe it reinforces the behavior. Should I just withdraw attention/affection/commitment? Are there situations when it's right to outright say ""I won't put up with that, never do that again""? Or is it always covert? Also would love to read some classic examples or find good posts about what boundary enforcement looks like in general. Would love to get some input. Thanks. Edit: added and clarified questions.",,5,mrmonbant,2023-07-31 07:27:58 askMRP,15bgu0v,How to deal with refusal?,"I (33M) am attending a business event next week. I asked my fiancee (27W) to accompany me months ago when I bought the tickets. She was not excited but I bought her ticket regardless. These past 2 weeks she has been arguing with me about going. I initially told her she has to go and I dont want to waste the $500 on her ticket. She got really ugly today and made up some lie involving her parents. She later admits to lying and starts another argument. I told her tonight that I dont want her to accompany me. I have avoided her today, went golfing and to the gym. She is being nice now but happy she doesnt have to go, offering to do things for me like cook (normal behavior). I feel like I did not handle the situation well. I should have just told her she doesnt have to go when she started giving me trouble 2 weeks ago. She has panic attacks from flying and I understand that. her lie today was she needs to fly to her parents, which contradicts her flying issue. Overall frustrated and need some thoughts. Ive been keeping busy and removed myself from being around her. I have not gotten nasty with her but feel weak for having told her she needs to go. That was my mistake, making her feel like she has some power.",,3,OohWeeStewie,2023-07-27 23:20:56 askMRP,15bkles,PreFiltering for dates,"Hey gents. Single as of a month ago and going on dates again. All the girls so far only have like one drink, want to text a bunch, and not do any fun activities. It’s my first time dating in Austin (vs. Seattle where I was before), so could be a culture thing? Any advice to pre filter for girls who are boring?",,1,Warren_Bateman,2023-07-28 02:13:14 askMRP,15aiwzf,Is there a time when it's ok to DEER in a reasonable situation? (Explain),"I (28M) am engaged with a 27F. A little background: we started dating back in 2016, so it's kind of a solid relationship. I asked her in marriage some months ago, and we have a great relationship. I started applying redpill to our relationship back in 2018, when I first heard about the philosophy. I lifted since, and I can say I have a really great body (went from skinny 165 lbs and currently at 190 lbs). I've seen this problem since the beginning of the redpilled start of the relation: there are some times when I tried to apply DARE, but that only resulted in some awful situtations. More specificaly, situations where I needed to explain something reasonable. For example: 1. I said I was going to get her to a nice place on a friday, but in the middle of the week budget got a little fucked up. So I simply said ""We're cancelling. We will do it another time"". But she really wanted to know what was going on. As I didn't want to DEER, I simply blabled some shit, and we got into an argument 2. We were out one night, and I needed to get us home early (compromise), and she wanted to know why. And, again, I just blabled something, and didn't explain about it (DARE, never DEER), and she got bitchy. I STFU, but still, really got me nuts thinking about it. What should I do on these situations? I feel like DEERing is reasonable, but still, it is some kind of reasoning. How to deal with the bitchy-acting when I DARE her? EDIT: thanks for the contribution. comments were really helpful",,10,the_chad_smith,2023-07-26 21:49:32 askMRP,156knlj,Why are the reasons a Red Pilled men would want to get Married?,"I am currently in an LTR after having most of my life spun some plates. After hitting a rough patch with my LTR, I realized that it really does seem that outside of sex and potentially having kids my LTR really has noting to offer me, no loyalty in the down times, not help in stressful times, she does not cook, she does not clean etc etc. I think however that in the modern times this is what most guys feel! So my question is outside of kids (because you can easily get sex from spinning plates) what would be the reason to stay in an LTR? If kids is the only reason to get married then how can I possibly do it without getting married or child support raped and emotionally violated? Is it what this sub is really about deep down? No one can get around the fact than to have kids you kinda have to be in an LTR?",,15,DECRYPT_ERROR,2023-07-22 13:49:41 askMRP,155lgeu,Male friends,"If this was supposed to be in another place please let me know. I have a hard time connecting with men on one to one level. Even my own friends. I understand and respect them and the talk is fine if we are 3 or more,i can partipate. But i cant seem to understand what to talk about if i am just left it one. I can do a basic chit chat, but even then i know (and i think they do too) that i am sort of pretending. I never initiate meeting them one on one for this reason itself. Because i know i wont be able to hold conversations for long and it might get awkward. This also makes sense that they meet alone most of the time and not include me. I have never expressed that. Maybe they think i dont put enough effort or initiate on my own. I can hold conversations all day long with my wife when needed. But i dont understand why its difficult for me to do that with my friends. Maybe i get too much in my head(which happens often and i overthink things) I know a few people who other guys always wanna be with. But i dont understand what it is i am missing. I maybe ranting here. But this is a big issue for me and i feel like i am missing on half of my life. I feel like I have spent half of my life without cultivating good male friendships. There might be a deeper issue but I need this fixed. Anyone faced this issue or any advice? Much appreciated.",,10,zed_sin,2023-07-21 11:35:53 askMRP,1529f0f,Going soft during shit test,"I have a curious dilemma. I want to fk my wife but she (says) has a headache. After talking her into taking her clothes off, she just star fishes and tells me to do the fking and get it over with. Unfortunately, this typically makes me soft and unable to perform. One time, however, I was able to perform and my wife got an orgasm from it. So, it’s a shit test , I think, but I’m failing it often. I’m not using porn ( about 30 days clean), but past usage may have residual effects. Usually, if wife is enthusiastic, I deliver. Must be a codependent thing in me. I’m 47 this year, 6’6, 215lbs run 5k and squat 215lbs.",,5,AntiWarr,2023-07-17 18:12:08 askMRP,15255mx,I have a drinking problem,"Last night I got really drunk for no real reason, and my wife finally called me out after she caught me drinking straight from the vodka bottle. This has been a problem for me for years and it’s known to my wife and most friends. I’ve been forgiven in the past when I got too drunk but her catching me last night was the biggest embarrassment. I didn’t even remember it until I woke up and found her on the couch and she told me what I did. I know I need to stop this behavior and I should have years ago. I know I need help but don’t know where to get it. I don’t want to go to rehab or AA at this point, but I need to get this under control. My question is how much of this struggle should I share with my wife? She’s stressed enough with work and kids and can barely handle that, so I feel like adding this may be too much. I want to be honest with her but don’t want to overwhelm her. I was barely skating by with my drinking problem before but now it’s clearly out in the open, so I have to change something. I wish it was as simple as “just don’t drink” but it’s not. I think she could help me if I could talk to her about it but I don’t know if she can handle it or would even care to. With our history this may be the second to last straw before she leaves me. Things have generally been better for the last couple months after I got the ILYBINILWY, but I really fucked it up last night. Is there a way to talk to her about it without stressing her more, or what other option should I pursue?",,8,BraveNewWorld1722,2023-07-17 15:30:31 askMRP,1511uui,FR: The dread is real,"Just a small nugget of observation from the field: Yesterday evening, my wife’s best friend told my wife that her husband has been having an affair for the past few months. My wife was visibly quite upset. I didn’t really do much, simply comforted my wife, with some light kino. This morning, I was in the shower. My wife joined me unpromted and started immediately sucking my dick. Now, I do get all the sex that I want, but my wife is very rarely this direct. The dread is real, and when I have my shit together, I don’t even have to do anything to benefit from it.",,33,HerukaArisen,2023-07-16 09:30:49 askMRP,151krnd,30 years old virgin male planning to get married next year but mother does not accept my future wife,"Hi I am 30 years old virgin male after years of rejection and pain I found a good girl to start family , I want your help about my situation my mother did not want me to marry this specific girl because she is younger than me (she is 18 years old ) plus I have tried multiple times to get a girlfriend and get laid but girls flake after the first date maybe cuz I come off as a creep or a weirdo living with parents and planning to still living with them when I get married being a virgin fucked up my mental health big time I suffer from social anxiety paranoia and porn addiction I started watching porn when I was 11 and I cought my father watching porn multiple times which impacted my childhood negatively I am the type of guy who overthinks everything and anything lately I found out that I am paranoid about my future wife because she lives in a small village I was meeting her friends that are slutty and sleep around I am paranoid about her past and if she will cheat when we engage (because I want to start the engagement then the marriage next year ) so it gonna be a long distance relationship for a year before marriage I am lost I do not know what to do anymore can you give me some advice big brothers ?",,0,yowyeah,2023-07-16 23:13:21 askMRP,14yw4w1,Leaving the house,"Main event cause I can’t keep frame….wife ended up disrespecting me calling me a pussy and to put my big boy pants on, which she’s right as it happened earlier in the day. I came back home after hitting the gym and taking my son from previous relationship to his college class. Now I’m debating if I leave the house for a couple days and crash at my brothers place but she’ll use it against me towards my two girls, 8 and 3, I started to get dressed to head out and she asked if I was leaving and I said yea then she said then tell the girls where you’re going then with a snarky attitude. She was actually gonna leave the house before I got dressed and when I overheard her saying “we’re leaving we can’t be here” it prompted me to get ready and head out. House is in my name and I don’t want to leave my daughters.",,1,danielson686,2023-07-13 20:51:57 askMRP,14wkb44,Basic Question about covert contracts,"So I'm about a year into my redpill journey and just had a basic question I thought someone could answer for me. Quick background: 27yo male, wife 28yo, married 6.5 years, 2 kids. I'm 6'0"", 200 pounds, been lifting consistently for the last 15 months. So I've heard rian stone in videos and others on the MRP mention that if you get denied sex or other action you want you can withdrawl your attention, affection commitment. But if its to get the results you want, isn't that a covert contract? At what point is that line blurry or not? Genuinely curious. I appreciate any responses thanks.",,17,COMoparfan392,2023-07-11 07:36:12 askMRP,14vgbmb,Your wife gets first crack at your libido,"Going to try and just lay the facts out. I'm 35. 6'0, 180 lbs, 14% body fat. Bench: 185, OHP 145, Squat: 225, Deadlift: 315. I know I have some work to do and pump up those numbers, but I've been focused on hypertrophy and hitting overhead press heavier. Married 5 years with 2 young children. Wife is 30 and I have sex maybe 3-4x a year at most. I've hit the point in my marriage where I'm pretty happy with my income, my lifting progress, and my social life. I've been initiating at least once a week or more (wife has definitely noticed) and been rejected basically every time for the past 2-3 months. Results in occasional sex, but mostly hard no rejections. I'm at the point where I need to do something. We were out on a date a few nights ago and I locked eyes with multiple women I would have approached. I've heard the phrase s ""your wife gets first crack at your libido"". I realize there's no prescription, but is he suggesting that once you get to the point where your wife rejects you and you know your SMV, you either have to choose divorce or cheating? What exactly does this mean? Blowing up my family explicitly by filing for divorce doesn't seem like a great outcome, and risking blowing up my family because I cheat also seems like a tough outcome.",,22,LGP69,2023-07-10 01:44:09 askMRP,14v6qoi,Practical Boundary Enforcement Help,"One of my biggest issues is that I find it difficult to reliably and effectively enforce boundaries with my wife on the spot because I am usually in the middle of something important - either on a virtual meeting at home when it happens or usually dealing with the kids (2.5yo and under 1yo) and in the middle of tasks like laundry, feeding the kids, changing diapers, putting them to sleep etc. Dealing with it later in the evening hours later seems weak and passive aggressive to me. Any practical suggestions? Examples: Me - in a virtual meeting giving an important presentation. Her - opens the home office door holding our infant knocking on the wall and giving me an angry stare down and interrupting me becuase I didn’t do something menial and insignificant “properly” Sometimes she calls and texts incessantly instead. Me - feeding infant Her - feeding toddler - “you didn’t do xyz yet, are you going to do abc also, you should feed infant like this - give her this food, not that stuff, did you heat it up properly, give her this after. Some context: I am learning more about my wife’s upbringing, her parent’s neglect and emotional abuse that has led her to be exceptionally controlling and emotionally immature with anxiety issues. These behaviors have been magnified after the kids. She does the above examples with almost everyone and not just me - a “nothing is ever good enough unless she does it” type personality. This gets bad when something triggers her anxiety completely outside of anyones control. If things go perfectly smoothly (according to her) she won’t be anxious or controlling but that rarely happens. I have been working on myself for months - closing in on a year in a few months. Currently the best I have ever been with my career, lifts, physique, and leadership - still have a looong way to go and no end in sight as far as improvement - still relying on some of the basic sidebar books and struggling with basic concepts like boundary enforcement. Improving frame needs to happen but the paradox is I need to enforce boundaries better to improve frame.",,8,anonymous50002,2023-07-09 19:04:47 askMRP,14ubfip,"I am such a looser, how to chart ahead.","Does this looks like a final event This is next part to the below post. https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/14rtla0/how_to_handle_this_anger_and_abuse/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1 Last time it started when I went to play outside. She was still not talking normal despite all amusement and fun replies from my side. Thursday night, Friday night, Saturday morning I tried to get cozy got shoved away, though I Never behaved butt hurt. Saturday morning asked her if she wants to go for a walk, brutally denied. I went out for a walk and started getting this barge of messages. https://imgur.com/a/QpASWDk Came home and I was behaving nicely but comments and shit tests are not stopping. It was too much comments and poking that I gave up and it really got escalated, we are talking about divorce now, shouting from both sides, sad for the kids. Her parents who are here also agreeing to it now. They too have changed their pitch against me now. Sorry don’t have stress buster friends who I can call. Such a sorry state of affairs why I am frame less. One part of me wants to get out and run away. Other part still thinks I can handle this. Not so sure about kids, I think they are already or will be brainwashed. This is a pattern - May be I am a super chimp beta. But still head hurts. Now my kids are calling me to join them to a pool party, from their Moms phone. Solid manipulation. When my daughter calls I just melt .",,10,dontgetusetoit,2023-07-08 18:22:26 askMRP,14srg72,So you married an alpha widow?,"I am still very new here, recently posted a ""[victim puke""](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/14jk883/saw_a_glitch_in_the_matrix_and_now_getting/) and got some good feedback and suggestions for a path moving forward. I continue to lift, read the sidebar, and shovel some dirt on my beta, I'm slowly starting to bury that sad pathetic blue blood boy. One of the things I've learned from reading on MRP and from Rollo is the dangers of the [Alpha Widow](https://therationalmale.com/2019/07/31/alpha-widows/https://therationalmale.com/2019/07/31/alpha-widows/) \- I wish someone had given me Rollo's book at HS graduation because let's just say I married one. A very wealthy successful Alpha (ex-husband) that totally destroyed my wife - a Mortal Combat worthy Fatality. I won't get into the details but lets just say it was some serious dark triad shit that takes a fucked up individual to pull off. Anyhow, being the white knight beta that I am, I stepped in thinking I could save her from the pain and show her not all men are so ""nasty"". It's worth noting I didn't know her when this happened her divorce was a year before we met. Early in our relationship, she made a few comments referencing her ex in a way that stood out to me as kind of undercutting. I brushed them off or ignored them because she would also talk about how horrible and fucked up he was and she still praised me (verbally) A LOT in our relationship. After those early comments, she never said anything again but I did find her looking up her ex online and about him getting his new wife pregnant, I asked her about it like a little bitch and she deflected which I just accepted. I also saw some texts of hers from before we met that really showed just how deep in his frame she was at the time, like literally a totally different person (bible thumper to atheist level change). Good lesson in just how much a strong alpha frame can influence a woman, she'll actually change who she is because of it. I recognize my deeply engrained beta and that I have nobody to blame here in my failing marriage but myself but I am also interested to hear from others who married or had LTRs with Alpha widows. What makes marrying or being in an LTR with an Alpha Widow different? \- Is it the Sex (or lack thereof)? \- Do they throw more shit-tests your way? \- Do they lose interest faster? \- More likely to cheat? &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B;",,8,glitchintheBPmatrix,2023-07-07 00:43:25 askMRP,14rtla0,How to handle this anger and abuse.,"I am age 40 married for 15 years wife 39 two, kids seven and 10. I’m reading various posts, and NMMNG and WISNIFG. I am trying my best to be living a peaceful life, but sometimes I get a brain fog and there’s no one to help me with directions. If I am doing everything according to my wife, everything is fine inside the house , the moment I want to do some thing which I want to do on my own and I do not consult. Shit happens. As what happened today, I was going out to play pickle ball. Wife- where are you going Me - pickle ball Wife - what!, now you wait and see i will start planning what i want to do. Me - silent and left. Wife - tons of abusive messages and telling me i am done and will divorce you, you are gay, you like boys more, go stay with them etc. Me still silent. Yesterday Watching a TV show and wife taking it personally, all relatives are thieves, tell your mom we need to sell that house, Why she needs such a big house, what will be the use of money when we get old. Me- how can you say such bad stuff for my mom, and expect me to behave normal after that. She calms done. But yes i was silent since morning and did not talk to her. This is after a full weekend of dedication and activities with Kids and her parents (who are here for summer break) and common friends. Usually everyday i am taking kids for their activities. Today was one rare day of no activity. I am reading NMMNG and thought to put my priorities ahead and wow. This is also a pattern. I do something wrong(it can be anything ). This fight Will go on for few days until i be friendly and cajole her. I don’t want to go cajole her for something where i am not wrong. Not lifting as recovering from tail bone injury, But other wise working out everyday. I am doing side bar, reading books, learning STFU and try passing shit tests but do keep failing.",,8,[deleted],2023-07-06 01:17:11 askMRP,14rjtg6,How to respond to my wife's genuine anger at my sexual advances?,"Hello all, I'm a newbie to the Red Pill concepts, 46 yo, 215lbs. Squat at 210lbs, run 5ks practically daily. Getting back to lifting. So, I'd say my SMV is now getting higher but not at my best yet. Previously, sex with wife has been averaging around 6-10 times per month. Not really a dead bedroom but close to it. And whatever sex has been happening has been lackluster. However, after I started passing the shit tests, the frequency and, most importanly, quality has been improving as well. However, I've noticed also that the shit test ""quality"" has been increasing. My wife would say things like..""I don't want you to touch me"" , ""get away from me"" and while previously I've jokingly deflected this and had good sex afterwards, I've found that my wife seems genuinely angry at me lately and the joking responses just make things worse. What's curious to me is that after the verbal altercation, my wife and I can calmly talk about various topics like normal. I try not to react in anger or by being upset, it's as if nothing bad happened between us. So, with this small context, what is the best way to handle wife's genuine anger at my advances? Edit: copied from r/marriedredpill due to violating rule no 8, no value posts.",,16,AntiWarr,2023-07-05 18:55:14 askMRP,14qtmmj,How did I handle this night (our anniversary) and where to go from here?,"EDIT: Thanks to everyone for your viewpoints and advice. This seemed to be much needed, since I thought I did a lot better, than I obviously did. Today is the 4th of July (no, we don’t celebrate it in my country) also it is 26 years since my current wife and I met eachother and got together, both 18 years old when we met. We haven’t seen eachother for a couple of days, but today I went to see my daughter and wife. They were staying at our cottage. Bought some toys for our daughter, some flowers for the wife. We had good vibes throughout the day. A couple of kisses and some light kino. In the evening we put our daughter to sleep. After that it was so obvious that wife tries to avoid me. I sense it right away and try not to put any pressure on her. I just smalltalk and try to open a conversation to connect, asking her what she thinks have been some of the highlights of the last 26 years (try to go into something positive). She responds very disinterested and lets me know that she has a lot of practical stuff to do before going to bed, because tomorrow she has to leave rather early, since she is driving back to town to get her hair done(she have waited 3 months for this). I ask if she really want to spend our anniversary night doing practical stuff, then says I’ll go outside and work on stuff. She says she’ll be done in 20 minutes and ready to relax with me. I tell her she knows where to find me, and go outside. At some point (after appr. 15 minutes) I need to go get something inside, she sees me and asks what I’m doing outside. Tell her in a limited amount of words, that I’m preparing my diy gym. Then I leave again. I’m enjoying getting the last stuff ready for my gym. When I’m done it has been appr. 45 minutes total. I come in and she sits on the couch with her phone. She sees me and says she needs to figure out what haircut-style she wants. I’m thinking to myself this is bollocks, because she has been talking about this for so long. She knows exactly what hair she wants tomorrow. So I just STFU and go brush my teeth. When I come out from the bathroom she wants to get me involved in what hairstyle she should have. I just say goodnight and that I’m going to bed. 10 minutes later she comes into our bedroom. She then says she is so tired because our daughter has been awake a lot last night and also she had terrible stomach aches earlier during the day (no, it’s not period time yet) I just StFU. She comes into bed and asks me if I dont come over. I tell her to come over to my side of the bed which she does. I tell her in a humourous way that getting close to eachother in bed is also celebrating it’s one year anniversary (dunno if this joke makes sense when translated to english). Her responds is she is too tired for sex. I test her, saying like “no you’re not” in a light smiling way, she makes it clear that she is not up to anything. She just cuddles in and says she just wanna fall asleep while I hold her. I respond by sayin that ain’t gonna happen and she should move over. Then I say goodnight/sleep well and leave the bedroom. Everything in light carefree mode/tone on my part. In no part of this scenario do I get butthurt or try to answer back to start an argument. I was feeling and being lighthearted throughout the whole day/episode. I had mentally prepared myself because I knew she would be testing me. My two questions are: 1) How did I handle this episode? What could I have improved, what should I not have done, and what did I do correct (if any)? 2) When she comes home tomorrow evening, I know she’ll ask about her hair. Should I not respond/STFU as sort of punishment or is it totally unrelated? Also she will have a new excuse when I try to initiate tomorrow. Is it better to give initiations a break for a while? Or is it better to keep pushing with my gloriuos succesrate of 0%? Goodnight you dirty f@ckers!",,6,Wild-Cheesecake-6465,2023-07-04 22:58:39 askMRP,14qh32x,Jekyl/Hyde type personality,"32 male, 6’1” 210, 230B, 305S, dream job making lots of dough, been in relationship 10 years, not married. Read NMMNG and starting on WISNIFG. Long story short, just bought house with girlfriend (don’t give a shit about the money and made her pay half and you can always sell it), but for a while she has been playing this “wicked step mother” and “helpless child” routine. Where she needs help doing everything and tries to be cutesy about it, but then she will go on these “paranoia” breaks and try to relate how forgetting to get something at the grocery store is “so disrespectful and you never listen to me”. I do have a massive problem saying no to her and expressing what I want, but have just started the journey. I’m following the techniques in NMMNG, but wondering if WISNIFG I’d the right next step to take. She is also super clingy and it might have something to do with me walking out on her a few times (she always gets very angry when this happens unlike some other responses people get on here) and the fact 10 years ago when we first met I was hooking up with some of her friends. Also, we both work from home and she started crying and getting angry when I told her I am being told to return to office. She is saying she doesn’t know how she’ll manage if I’m not around. She grew up very spoiled and mentions how her dad never told her no and she always gets what she wants from him. She even has his credit card to this day and she is almost 30. Sex is barely existent and not what is used to be, but holy shit she has been the best sex I have ever had, just super fun and “experimental” up until about 2 years ago then the drop off has been steep. What do you think my next steps are? Reading WISINIFG or should I look into something else to read and follow? I just want to take our relationship back to what it was a couple years ago.",,8,[deleted],2023-07-04 14:42:52 askMRP,14n3twi,What's with all the deleting out?,"I've been around long enough now to start noticing how many accounts get deleted out. The only good reasons I can think to do it are if your account is discovered by your wife, or if you think you are at risk of getting doxxed. These risks should be low/nonexistant if you're careful with what you say and protect your login. I don't think it explains the volume I'm seeing. The most frustrating part is the content loss. But it's also frustrating because the quality of advice here varies widely, and it would help to be able to see some posting history to help filter. What am I missing?",,8,deerstfu,2023-06-30 15:39:37 askMRP,14m6dwk,Caught her in a lie,"Should I play this aloof or confront her? On one end, it sounds like a good idea to say ""Hey, here's the evidence. Drop the act. I'm not putting up with this behavior"" and setting up boundaries. But on the other hand, that seems too overt and maybe not the best way to control frame. Thoughts?",,10,AirForceNerd,2023-06-29 14:25:23 askMRP,14j9wxh,dont feel like fucking my gf,"i have 2 jobs , am lifting and at the end of the day i dont feel like fucking my gf which is unattractive (170cm 90kg) but i want to stay because she is foreigner so i am immersed in language and am living in a cheap accomodation with good locality with her - help",,0,m812,2023-06-26 07:02:36 askMRP,14ifb8r,How long did it take from the beginning og your MRP journey until you were in a state where you were no longer a beta with nice guy behaviour?,I’ve started my MRP journey appr. one month ago and consider myself to have only dipped my toes and not even understanding a fraction of it yet. I know it’ll probably be a life-long journey. But I was wondering how long it took for you to get to a state where you were no longer a beta with a nice guy behaviour and your marriage dynamic had changed drastically?,,9,Wild-Cheesecake-6465,2023-06-25 06:54:33 askMRP,14iwn5j,Girlfriend giving silence treatment,"We've been planning on going on a date for weeks now and the days we agreed to go, i get caught up with work. Yesterday, we agreed to go but was raining where i was and decided we reschedule. She got angry and said ""i always do this"". Now, she either does not respond to me or i get short answers(fine, okay) to anything i ask.",,0,man_tse,2023-06-25 20:39:17 askMRP,14gjkg0,Advice/Tips on safeguarding RP Lit,"Fellas. Like most of you probably, I'm finding it difficult to safeguard RP Canon from my wife. I really enjoy reading the recommended books and they've already made an improvement. However, the wife is a bloodhound and has already asked numerous questions about TRM and Ethos of Men. Have another couple books on order and I'd like to keep it close hold so she doesn't snoop. I figure I can't hide the fact that I'm reading these books but I'd rather her not see the content as I use them to transform myself (and marriage) for the better. One alternative I've used is audiobooks but it limits my ability to take notes (plus I prefer those in the gym). Am I overreacting to her seeing the books? Trying to obey the 1st rule of Fight Club, but it's getting hard not to discuss when she sees all this new stuff I'm reading. Fucking Hamster again....I know",,3,feddyman_1216,2023-06-23 00:15:21 askMRP,14gs1mp,Father of the Girlfriend,"Here is a question for fathers of young daughters of marriageable age. I have a thing for a much younger girl I met. I had a good religious reason for not getting her number when we met but that's running out and I'm going to get in touch with her soon. She hinted to me that I can get in touch with her by contacting her father (teaches religion) or the head of her religious school. I'm in good shape so more kids would just be fun for me. I'm not desperate but I want to take a good shot at this. I'm definitely getting in touch with both of them even though there's an age difference. What would make you think: ""my daughter should date this guy because maybe my daughter should marry this guy?""",,0,extrastone,2023-06-23 07:34:05 askMRP,14f97qj,Medium is the Message or Good Excuse,"New to RP so got some catching up to do. Thanks for any feedback. 40 years old, 6' 215lbs Active Duty Military for 22 years, married 16 years, two kids (15 boy, 9 girl) Read: NMMNG, The Unplugged Alpha, TRM books 1 and 3. Got into RP to understand more how women/my wife operate, how society has discouraged Masculinity, and to take more control of my life and make myself my mental POO. A few months ago my wife of 16 years had a trip with her girlfriends to celebrate a birthday. I usually don't trip about her going out because I'm secure enough not to think she's up to anything and she's never done anything to make me feel otherwise. But on this particular trip, I received a text from her one night at around 11pm saying that her and her friends were having drinks after a show and she'd let me know when they arrived back at the hotel. I went to sleep shortly after. Upon waking up the next morning, I noticed she'd never texted or called to tell me she got back. At around 8am I texted her to ask how the night went and check in.....no response, same at 8:30, 9am, 10am....you get the point. Finally at noon she calls back telling me how sorry she was and that she'd had a little too much to drink, got sick when she got back to the hotel and fell dead asleep and had just woke up. Needless to say I was livid, initially because I didn't know if she was in a ditch somewhere, let alone the thought of her cheating. Although she's told me the story a few times, something still doesn't sit right. It's completely out of character for her and she'd told me her other girlfriends (both in LTRs) had been flirting with guys the whole trip. I keep trying to play it cool as I have ZERO proof she's done anything. But the ""medium is the message"" right? Any other time she'd go out of her way to contact me and let me know her whereabouts regardless of the condition, but didn't this time. Do I need to man the fuck up and accept the possibility that she hooked up?",,12,feddyman_1216,2023-06-21 14:27:31 askMRP,14asjnj,I have a new kind of energy. Is this what's called frame?,"I'm not married currently but I'm posting here because I'm a LTR person. Throughout the last 14 years (time really flies) I've had many long relationships, and they all fell down (mainly) because I lost myself and became clingy and jealous because of my fearful attachment. Every relationship started with me not giving a fuck, just living my life, and ended with me obsessing over the other person like an addict. Reacting to her emotions, thinking about a million different ""what if's"", using all my time for her, making her my life. I was always trying to balance it or at least hide it, but that didn't go far. I always wanted to be with a sweet and attractive woman, but every time I got her, I couldn't believe it's true and I started to get paranoid. So last year I met this super attractive girl who was crazy about me, and in turn I got crazy about her. She had access to my deepest emotions and she pushed every button I had like no one else before. Made me jealous, made me offended, made me fearful. She found all my deepest fears and hit me in the face with them. I knew how to handle shit tests and all that, but it was really just a cosmetic act learned from reddit and inside I was hurt like a little boy and just wanted mommy to love me and accept me so everything will be fine. I was escaping my life into her, like I did with my other girlfriends in the past. I always pondered what is she doing, who is she talking with, hope she hasn't found someone else and all that. I was stressed as fuck. But I acted super aloof not to give it away. 3 months ago her behavior had gotten so bad that I decided to pull the plug no matter how bad it hurts. Left her, blocked her, spun some plates. Spinning plates was fun for a week or two, but I had this nagging sensation that a new woman is NOT the answer to my problems. So finally I forgot all about the ladies, started semen retention, started meditation, made a morning routine and woke up at 5. Started handling my responsibilities. I made a Powerpoint presentation for myself of what I want out life. A good wife was the last one on my list; prior entries had things like health, family and starting a business. I had a nice mentality and view of my life, progressing every day. Then come Wednesday. My ex suddenly came to my door ""to talk"" , and unsurprisingly, she stayed for a passionate night and well into the next day and we both confessed our love and decided to try again. She talked about male friends and everything but what was different is that I didn't bat an eye. I didn't give a shit. I did give a shit about what she gave me, her company, love and affection. But nothing else. At one point during the second day she started trying to blame me for something I did during our time apart and started to be a bit bitchy, but instead of taking it personally, attacking the facts and presenting arguments to show that I am right, I shifted my focus to her emotion instead of her words. She felt bad. I hugged her and told her I know you feel bad, I understand you. She started crying in my arms and it all evaporated. After she left, my mind started spinning and analyzing her words and for example thinking if she had someone else during this time. Same paranoia I had with even the most loyal girls. I could feel her taking over my mind. But this time I saw my internal process like a painting on the wall. I saw that my focus had gone from myself to her, and that my mind making scenarios about someone else's behavior is completely useless to me. I will never be happy if I keep my energy on someone else than myself, is what I feel now. It will never happen. The moment I put my energy onto someone else, I lose my power and I lose my life. This new feeling is different from my past self. I feel like I am (figuratively) the only person in my life, and every other person or circumstance comes and goes on their own accord. She could be having the time of her life right now without me and it would have nothing to do with me, as long as she gives me everything I want. And if all my paranoid suspicions were true, I could then logically ponder what my feelings about her being inside this romantic SECTION of my life are, but it wouldn't be the end of me and I certainly don't need to use my mind to think about it. It's such a strange and new mindset. I love her and she makes me feel good, I love to make her feel good, but I don't NEED her. Essentially I only need me. And me doing my own things, handling responsibilities and living the way I please, is what gives me what I need. People can leave, whole world can come burning down but as long as I'm alive I will have me. I realized I don't need to change my life for her, I can keep my routines and responsiblities and she is a bonus, not a necessity. Currently I am going from side to side. My old mind taking over with it's fear and paranoia and my higher self catching it and returning me to my own energy and life. So is this what frame means? I've read about it a lot but never seemed to integrate it. Any pointers?",,24,[deleted],2023-06-16 09:48:08 askMRP,1497rv8,STFU vs NMMNG Advice,Reading NMMNG and was surprised by Glover’s advice to have partner read the book too. Any advice? STFU is serving me well. Why show my cards and have the wifey read the book?,,20,HAPPYDAZEWAZE,2023-06-14 13:22:20 askMRP,147zfb1,LTR talking shit things behind my back - how to deal with this women crap?,"Gentlemen, I use temp account for this specific question, there is reason for this. But I would like to have your option on this and how to handle the situation. My LTR, 20Y together, 43y, (i am 48y), 2 kids, 6y, 5y, is daily chatting to her female friend (and also business partner) about me, talking things daily behind me back. She does it daily, literately every time i leave for work they call each other and she shares all the details about me, our life, 'he said this', 'he did this', 'he is so stupid', 'i don't care what he says' etc... I have heard the first conversation, kind of by accident, but I will be honest, after hearing the first conversation I've intentionally jumped on the next one (yes, I know, it's shit, but kinda wanted to know more disturbing news). I admit it's disturbing like shit, i don't trust her anymore, and really cannot plan any future with here anymore after hearing this. AWALT, this is f... gross... how do you approach such a shit at you home? Fog it, drop it, should i front her with this shit? Or maybe I am other thinking? Would love to see your input and grilling me for covert contact. some background, also financials, as there is some input too: we have two kids, but I want 3rd one btw. I have very good job, good position, high salary, all covered; etc. She is running her own company, also doing good financially. Sex is normally good, 2-4 / week, blowjobs almost on demand. I've been drunk captain before, but I am improving with TRP over last years. She taking care about kids (very good mother) and house too. So far, I have been fine with paying for all, incl. some of her expenses too. Fancy, expensive trip/holidays - ok, i am paying, she is not. Living, bills, rents, etc - on me. Even if she got some money, and sometimes payed for stuff, but always small amounts. About 3 years ago, we got an argument about financing when her company started doing better (good) finally and she got some more money. I discovered it by chance, and she was hiding it, like: me: how are you doing financially?, she: not good, barely make it financially, me: do you have any savings? she: no, just a bit 2k USD But, yearly tax bill, says her earnings/income are just above average to good. Now, we moved recently and I want to buy house, settle etc. we are living in rent temporary, I pay all the stuff, she puts a little bits here and there - like small grocery (not the big weekly ones). Some time ago, I also discovered she has put a lot of money (like literately years of incomes) over last years in to the old house, owned by her mother, she has renovated it completely behind my back. We had a fight about, it's unfair, etc ... she stopped for a while, but yesterday I found out she doing it again - again a project to rebuild the floor and ton of money. Thanks,",,17,Silent-War-5903,2023-06-12 22:23:46 askMRP,14774hs,What's the point of an LTR?,"If we're saying they're going to shit test you and continue to butch and complainthen whats the point? I understand if maybe she has your lids, bit other then that what's the point?",,8,zbradigan,2023-06-11 22:15:12 askMRP,13z4ufj,Fiance told me she’s never had any sexual desire in general,"Been together for 5 years, I’m 30 she’s 26. Lived together for 3. She had no relationship or sexual experience when we met. Over the last few months my fiancé confessed to me that she’s never felt any sexual desire - not just with me, but in general i.e no desire to masturbate and never has done. I’ve lurked here for a while and I think this goes beyond the standard she’s just not attracted to you advice. She told me she desperately wants to be able to feel what I feel I.e. sexual desire but for whatever reason can’t, and cried out of frustration. This goes for masturbsting also - she just has no sexual urges. While she’s willing to still have sex with me to please me, given what she’s said I can tell she’s no longer into it and the connection that used to be there is missing. It’s almost like she’s convinced herself that there’s a problem when there isn’t one (before she brought this up our sex life was relatively ok, and she was often able to relax into it and appear to enjoy it). When I brought this up she said it had felt good, but she only experienced two instances with me over the last year where she felt really turned on. And now that she knows how that feels, when she can’t get that feeling she feels frustrated and can’t relax into it. The bizarre thing is that she can still come during foreplay, and she seems really into it then. But as soon as the actual sex starts, thats where she seems to switch off and loses all the desire completely. I feel part of the problem is me. She was a virgin when we met and so she’s only learnt how to have sex via me. Maybe I’m just not that good in the sack and that’s why she can’t get turned on. I’d only had two partners before her. But I feel it goes beyond me, as she’s also told me that when she was a teen the thought of sex used to scare her and creep her out, plus she had a health issue during this time, hence not being with anyone till she was 21. She can never remember feeling any sort of sexual desire before she met me. I’ve suggested she goes to a sex therapist given her hang ups and how she viewed it growing up, and also get a hormone test, which she is willing to do and we have since booked these. In the meantime I’m continuing to work on myself - lift 4x a week (I am by no means strong and my body fat is circa 20%, but this is an improvement from where I used to be at around 25%) and am growing my side business. The thing I’m worried about is what if this doesn’t work? I know the easy answer is to just leave, but i love her. This is literally the only problem in the relationship, everything else is great. Is there anything else I can do, or just be patient for now and see how therapy/hormone test turns out?",,5,Giveusablowie,2023-06-03 07:35:27 askMRP,13wq6df,Power Struggle and Initiations,"Been here for 6 months, lifts are going well, now working on cutting. Have gone through a few cycles of rambo/dread/mini-events. I've noticed something, probably just in my own head, and I'm looking for advice on how to deal with it: It feels to me like there's a power struggle in my relationship, where the one that's the least interested/invested has the power. If I go out to some social event on my own and amp up the dread, I can feel it shifting towards me having the power. But when I actually make the move to initiate with her, it feels like there is a power shift to her because now she can make the decision on whether or not to reciprocate. I have been working on OI and having something else to do if she says no. But I still feel this shift and it makes me want to ignore her for a day after a rejection in order to reassert my power again. Internally it feels weak to me to simply reset the next day like nothing happened. I know this isn't the best move, and that I should act with an abundance mentality and brush off failed initiations without being butthurt, and reset the next day. But I'm trying to understand my flawed mental model and what I need to do to fix it. Is it another covert contract? Me having a belief that a rejection shifts power away from me? Or that after a rejection, I should ""reprimand"" her by withholding affection for a bit? I keep finding myself angry at her for something that happened the day before, and then I withdraw and act standoffish, which then perpetuates an icyness between us.",,15,Brilliant-Recover163,2023-05-31 16:00:32 askMRP,13wq085,The sex pattern,"46 year old, married 8.5 years, together 12. 2 kids. I have been in a low sex marriage for a while, which I am working on. I have always tried to be in shape, but got serious about it 3 years ago, starting seriously lifting. Even before reading the sidebar, I was trying things to improve the frequency of sex. My wife seems to enjoy it when it happens, but it always seems like there is a set back. Here's the pattern from my perspective: things are getting better, we're getting along, I'm initiating and she's responsive. Then I attempt to push something a little further. Nothing crazy. For example, several months ago, I asked if we could talk about a different form of birth control (we use condoms) such as cycle tracking. Then a topically unrelated drama that I respond poorly to (I'm getting better at this), she says she feels ""unsupported,"" I take the pedal off the gas on whatever. Sex decreases in frequency temporarily and then we get back to status quo...sometimes with a slight improvement. For example, the following month, we went away and she was at a point in her cycle where we tried unprotected sex...but then that became the issues as she spent the rest of her cycle anxious that she was pregnant, which somehow got conflated in her head with actually being pregnant and took birth control discussions off the table (until I bring it up again). Then I introduce a new possibility and the pattern resumes. An alternative (maybe better way) of interpreting: we start having sex regularly, I get thirsty, lose frame, start buying her underwear, she finds this unattractive and shit tests me. I fail. We stay in the holding pattern...",,2,SimpRecovery,2023-05-31 15:54:05 askMRP,13skxsd,ILYBINILWY received today,"Things have been rough for over a year, had a few ups but almost always downs. Yesterday my wife was traveling home from a work trip and asked me to send her a naked selfie while she was at the airport, so I did. Then I told her to turn off iCloud sync so it doesn’t show up on our computer where the kids might see it. She then proceeded to accuse me of cheating on her because I know that pictures sync to the cloud when you have cloud sync turned on. Basically the straw that broke the camels back. Today, I’m a worthless lazy husband that treats her like shit because I don’t engage in enough chore play and worship her every move. She does have a good job and works hard and makes almost what I do, and I appreciate that and work to make it known, to no avail. I’ve told her to quit several times because she’s so stressed, and today for the first time she said she won’t quit because she doesn’t know if we’ll be together much longer. She accuses me of anger issues and unrealistic expectations. I can’t argue that too much since things have been shitty for a long time. She wants me to go to a shrink to get some meds. I haven’t cheated on her and she says she hasn’t cheated on me, but I don’t know for sure. I wouldn’t be surprised if she did. Basically my only way back is chore play, shrink, and kissing her ass. I don’t mind talking to someone and helping out more, but the point is the hammer has fallen so I don’t see the point. We’re in our early 40s and have 2 elementary age kids, and all finances and property tied up between us. Separation would be a bitch. I don’t want to but I’m not sure what’s best at this point. In the last year I’ve brought my SMV to about even with hers, which I know she recognizes. I lift 4-6 x per week along with cardio, so it’s not a physical issue anymore. Other than knowing I need to STFU and read more, I appreciate any comments. Edit to add we’ve been married 12 years. Edit 2, she cried a lot while she was giving the speech. She also said she cries a lot while I’m not around. I told her I don’t believe that, to which she said how could I love her if I would say something like that. She did not want a hug when I apologized for saying that. Not sure if it matter but the tears seemed real.",,13,BraveNewWorld1722,2023-05-26 18:36:07 askMRP,13rgzox,Compliance tests,"Married 8 years , 3 kids. Reading sidebar. Lifting long time. My wife seems to be constantly compliance testing me now that I’m aware of them. Example : I’m in bed and she is showering and asks if I’ll take down our washing basket at 10pm at night… I said “tomorrow” How the fuck can a man live like this lol with this constant bullshit. Why is she constantly asking me to do these petty mundane tasks all the time? So stones I’ll do them to keep the peace. Sometimes I flat out just say no, but buckle up for the ensuing BS. what’s my options to these compliance tests? Are they shit tests?",,5,Rp_Guar,2023-05-25 12:52:30 askMRP,13rv0qa,Help with Father in Law,"Long story short. Twelve years ago, in the space of a week, my wife’s father got caught cheating and the family business went into bankruptcy because he was way in over his head in debt. Mother in law stayed with him, there’s nothing in the relationship just companionship. Went away for the weekend with him and my brother in law and when we’re on the plane coming back home, I go to make conversation with him and see he’s texting his secretary. Calling her “my sunshine” etc. I look away and try not to take notice thinking maybe that’s just normal talk for them but then when I turn back to talk he’s going through his WhatsApp and selectively deleting the flirty messages to her. My brain tells me to do nothing and stay the fuck out of it, but I’m also acting weird around him. What would you guys do?",,0,thatmattguy21,2023-05-25 22:10:30 askMRP,13pm2nc,Female emotional connection required for sex,"Married 8 years, 3 kids. lifting long time, read praxeology frame, mmslp, practical female psychology. Taking things slowly trying to get my head around everything. Now I thought I skipped the anger phase but now I’m noticing im fucking angry about female nature and how much damage I have done to my marriage. my marriage is like a roller coaster. I understand to never listen to what women say and go off what they do but my wife has said for a very long time that she requires more emotional connection. Now in practical female psychology this appears to be one of the betaization manipulation criteria. I’m very confused about what my wife means by this? I have read a lot of other blue pill articles (Gottman etc) stating women require emotional connection to get in the mood by listening and a skill called attunement….from a red pill perspective what the actual fuck is this emotional connection???? Beta traits (comfort) or Alpha traits( sexually arousing)???? I do fail shit tests regularly still and pass some. Maybe 50/50 ratio. sex life is up and down like a yo yo aswell. Frustrated red piller",,10,Rp_Guar,2023-05-23 11:42:02 askMRP,13po92i,Sticky situation - need opinion from other men,"Hey guys, So I need some opinions from other people than my nearest circle for my situation: So my LTR is going downhill these last 10-12 weeks because I’ve gotten worse over time and I think the attraction and desire from my girl is getting less. Has not said i love you for like 10 weeks. (We do live together for around 2 years and are together for 3) We still occasionally had sex etc. Started to work more on myself then and the last 2 weeks it got a lot better. Started to really get a grip on shit tests etc. So for these 12 weeks my gf started to complain about my alcohol problem. I do occasionally drink but I’m not an everyday drinker. The problem is that when I drink I get way too drunk. So kind of got a problematic way of consuming alcohol and I gotta admit that. I do accept this and that’s why I said I’m going to stop it. Then last Saturday came and I went to a Bachelors party and did drink again, eventhough I said I do not. Just wanted to avoid the stress, but well she found out because she saw me and I also did not come home and stayed at a hotel with all the others from the party and did not say a thing. Came home next morning and she said she is going to leave. She packed some of her stuff and went to her parents. No contact for around 24 hrs. Wrote her a message where I said I know what I did was wrong and I’m taking full responsibility and will do my best in the future to fully fix this problem. She said she needs some time and will get back to me. Think we will have a talk in maybe like 2-3 days. What do y’all think of this situation? What would you do? What can I do to make the situation better and fix it to the way that I can build up on my momentum and better myself and get back my attraction? Thank you in advance.",,3,Cyberrr98,2023-05-23 13:16:36 askMRP,13oxmtl,I don't want to be a stoic. Any advice for the emotional man?,"I have read about 10 books/series on the MRP sidebar. There seems to be a big stoicism theme. I totally see the appeal of the strong silent type. It's really the perfect foil for the emotional creatures that are women. The problem is that I don't want to become that. I already did it. I find it stifling and I am less successful in my life acting like that in every domain except women. I've been moving away from acting stoic my entire adult life. I was only stoic because of my tempermental, abusive parents. It was the only way to survive. But I'm actually neurotic. And I have found my neuroticism is a value to add to my intelligence. It helps me be more creative and fast in my thinking. When I get excited, I think faster and actually better. Sure, some of the things I think and say are crazy, but it's quickly on to the next idea, and the next, etc, until I have a whole list of brilliant ideas. Throw out the crazy ones. If this is not making any sense to you gentlemen, then I give the example of Tony Stark AKA Iron Man. He is neurotic as all get out. But look how it works for him. That's what I'm talking about. Imagine Tony trying to act stoic. It looks dumb. It makes him dull, boring, and probably not as successful of a super genius inventor. Maybe I have answered my own question here with the example. Tony Stark MAKES UP for his neuroticism by being uber alpha, an asshole, super type A, and so intelligent he can dance around the stoics trying to make him look like an asshole by making them look like the assholes with pure wit. And even so, Tony is not so lucky with the ladies even though he is mega rich, famous, dangerous, etc. Women who act like bitches to Tony get the ""one up out-bitch crazy"" treatment. And it works because he combines his neuroticism with intelligence. Where women will rely on conceit and moralizing, he wins with brute intellect and uncaring. He puts them in their place, even if they can't admit it in the moment in their own neurosis, and then leaves them in the dust. I'm not rich, famous, uber-type-A, or the biggest narcissist in any room. But I am highly intelligent and creative. I can dance around any woman's neuroticism and win and turn around and leave them in my dust. Who needs their BS? But they in turn don't want me either. They want the stoic who will be the calm in their emotional storm. They don't want a guy that will egg them on until they blow their top and do stupid shit. Who will out neurotic them harder to win against it. It's just like a cat fight. So that's my main question. Is there a good way to be a neurotic man and be successful with women without extreme compensation like fame, riches, power? If you want to try to give me more personalized advice, then here a bit about my situation: I am married and when I met my wife I was in my stoic phase. She was attracted to that. She is neurotic. And the more I have embraced my own neuroticism, the more insane she has become in her emotional moments. She wants me to go back to being stoic. We've been together over 20 years. And over that time I became ""Dysfunctional Captain #3"" AKA the ""Captain and her husband"". She took complete control of the relationship many years ago. She makes all the money. I gave up my career to stay home with the kids. But I never wanted this, and neither did she. I'm on the red pill journey the last couple months. I want to be a man, not a defective woman. And she wants to be the woman, not a defective man. Our marriage has sucked for so long. But anyway. She has already given me feedback about the way I shut down her shit tests. (I used to fail every shit test before I unplugged). Basically I do it how you'd imagine Tony Stark doing it. I jump up, wave my hands around to shut her the fuck up, and fast talk. She said it makes me like a woman bitching and is not respectable to her. I guess she just wants the stoic thing. If I had to answer my own situation with my limited knowledge I would evaluate it this way: She wants a stoic. I used to be that. But I've blossomed into much more in many ways over the years. She likes those things. She just doesn't like how we butt heads like two women. So the only thing I can do is keep on keeping on with my ""go plan is the stay plan"" by upping my SMV until it is higher than hers. Then if she still won't act right towards me I'll ditch her and find someone who will. Or maybe she'll ditch me first when she realizes she just wants to be her own man, since she so used to it now.",,17,Hairy-Steak-4990,2023-05-22 17:41:59 askMRP,13imu12,Explaining my wifes behaviour from a RP perspective and advice on how to “re-evoke” this.,"EDIT: Thank you all for taking the time to write some eye-opening no-BS answers. I shall now deep-dive into MRP material and get into action to create a good life for me! ——————————————— Totally noob here. Trying to read as many RP articles as possible. So been married for an eternity. Not bad (all the time), but pretty far from sexually explosive these days - which is what I wanna fix and then I discovered RP theory. Now to my question: Appr. 4 times in a long marriage my wifes sexuality and openness to try something extra in bed have gone through the roof. How should I understand those scenarios from an RP perspective and where can I find more reading on those dynamics? Scene 1: In my early twenties I was going regularly to the gym. Started hanging out with a girl from High school who moved across the street from where my wife lived( who was just my girlfriend at that time). I told my “wife” that perhaps we needed a break cause I was getting tired of being treated like I was a servant. She wanted to win me back. I played pretty non-interested in giving in. Result was that she gave me the best sex in our life so far. First time we did anal was during this period. When I finally gave in, funny sex was off the table and she complained about all the “sex stuff” we had done, even though it was never a pressure from my side (hey, off course I wanted to try anal with her but I dont even think I suggested it in the first place). Scene 2: later in life (after being married for quite some years) I was somewhat drained by work, wifes attitude and more so ended up sleeping with someone else. Told wife eventually who, quite unexpectedly, didn’t throw me out but kinda “forgave” me on spot seeing her own behaviour being part of the reason for this. After this she was suddenly crazy for sex. Again anal seemed to be the new normal for her the next period of time untill suddenly all lust seemed to vanish again. Again she later complained that this sex “wasnt her” and it had been a brutal period for her. To be fair, I didn’t even initiate sex during this period. It was all her works. Scene 3: many years later we celebrate new years evening abroad (just the two of us). We are hyped about the idea of taking a “sabbatical” and travel the world. I convince her we can make it happen, sell our house and so on. We arrive in the hotel take a shower before going out and suddenly it is on again. All the dirty sex I had been longing for too long. We go out to dinner, celebrate new years eve and fuck all night. Sex is crazy. Anal is back on the table. This time no later complaints from her side and no regrets except she didn’t really want to talk to detailed about the sex-details overtly. Scene 4: finally we are ready for the sabbatical. We have cut ourselves loose from all of our belongings (House and so on) and then it strikes me that what better time will I have to discover the world/life again on my own. Not super sympathetic, I know. And then we are back to crazy dirty sex to win me over. This time I saw the pattern from earlier on, so I played it for some months and had a fantastic sex-life during that period untill it dried up again. Now back to my questions: Is there any explanation to these sex crazy outbursts from a RP perspective? I want to re-create some of this sex-craziness in my LTR on a Daily/Weekly basis. However, it is mainly Scene 3 I consider a somewhat “healthy” foundation for this in-flow of dirty sex. The other scenarios seemed quite anxiety-driven. But in what way was the dynamics different in third scenario? Or was it still some sort of anxiety leading to sex? And Sorry for bad gramma and poor english.",,12,Wild-Cheesecake-6465,2023-05-15 22:31:22 askMRP,13eivf7,Wife wanted an exception to the rule,"Today I got a call at work. My wife’s sister is going through a wicked divorce, it’s just a shit show to watch, also for the family dynamics that are playing out, and how easily it’s dragging everyone, and there ego’s into it. Today I got a phone call a work. “Sorry to bother you with this at work, but this, that and the other thing have happened”. My wife and daughter are not allowed anymore at the SIL house anymore. The soon to be ex-BIL, has cameras through the house, sees her there texts, calls and abuses her. So this has been the rule, but today, with the house going to auction in a month, panic stations have been initiated over getting it ready for the open. “Who else is going to help” and “I have to do it”. I held firm, and I won’t lie, at points I struggled to not lose my temper. I stated that it wouldn’t be happening, there’s nothing in it for us and our family is not going to be involved in this drama. There’s a thousand ways to help, this way won’t be happening. The rule was the rule for a reason, we kept that shit away from us, because neither of us want that in our life’s. She apologised got upset, because even though she wasn’t calling to “ask for permission”, she didn’t want us to fight over it. I reinforced that none of this was okay, calling me at work for this, then putting their crap on us, then asking me to go back on something we agreed on. I got off the phone with “if it’s that important we’ll talk about it later, but my answer will most likely not change”. A while after I get texts to the effect, “I’m sorry, you’re right, I don’t want to help like that, we agreed on not involving us in the drama, I’m glad you were strong for me”. All of this was stressful, not the situation, fuck them and their problems, they’ve made their lives hell. But, normally I would’ve tried to find a compromise (Keep the peace), offered to go myself (Care taking and mixed messages). This for me is a victory, putting that distance between their family dysfunction and mine. But more importantly anchoring it to the framework, I want the decisions for my family to be based around. Should I have entertained it less words would’ve been better. And should I have entertained as much of it as I did on the phone, again no. But overall I am not unhappy with it.",,43,disgruntleddigger,2023-05-11 10:07:51 askMRP,13domv3,Sex initiation guidelines?,"Men. I’m new to MRP, and am forever grateful a community like this exists. I’m reading as much as I can and am starting to practice what I learn — ESPECIALLY some well needed STFU I’m 36, have been with my wife for 10 years, and have 2 kids. I’m currently a dead alpha male that has turned into a simping sorry sack of shit. It was a long process, mostly lead by poosy craving. The first two things I am doing is getting back into kickboxing, and doing my very best to STFU I had a question about initiating sex and if/ how/ when we do it Maybe I overlooked it, but are there guidelines around initiating sex in MRP?? Thanks for the help",,11,Cultural-Highway3134,2023-05-10 12:05:41 askMRP,139cdbn,"How maintain ""women in competition"" as a married man?","How does one produce a feeling of competition in one's wife? A core tenant of red pill is that women desire men who are desired by other women. So how does one make his wife feel she is continually ""sexually competing"" for you?",,9,maraschinoBandito,2023-05-06 04:46:40 askMRP,1380rhs,Went through my GF phone and now I need advice/insight,"Throwaway to reduce risk of blowback, long post with a short tl;dr if you’re not up to it. My gf (26) and I (34M) have been in a relationship for just over a year. I’d describe us both as RP, and we share a lot of the same values. I’d consider myself successful as a consultant making well into six-figures, and she works a remote 9-5 making good money. She’s submissive, cooks, cleans, seems to worship the ground I walk on (her words), and tends to listen to changes I request. When I’m with her, I don’t have to lift a finger. Yesterday, I gained access to her phone and let my curiosity get the best of me. To preface this, we met online. Around 3 months into our dating, I had gained access to her phone the first time, and she had been responding to messages on Hinge a few weeks prior to me finding it. Now, this is after she approached me around 1 month in about my profile still being up and we talked and agreed that we’d see each other exclusively and see if we were compatible enough to put a relationship label on things. We’d gone on a trip together and met each other’s families already. Long story short, when approached about it, she apologized profusely. She said she had stopped activity on hinge since then and wanted a relationship. She said my reluctance to put a label on it made her feel like I may not be serious. So she went back to the apps briefly a few weeks prior. According to her, and what evidence I found, she didn’t go out on any dates, just talked. I still felt betrayed and lied to, especially after our agreement. If one of the men had convinced her to go out on a date, I probably would’ve been lied to about her activities. She apologized profusely and begged me to stay. She deleted the apps in front of me and we moved on but I still felt a break in trust. Fast forward to yesterday. I gained access to her phone for a second time, and the skepticism was too much. I found things from the past that I’ve been sick about since then. She’s had two very long-term relationships in her life aside from ours. After those two fell apart, she went wild ride for her 20’s with shallow relationships. 9 men had her in this time (12 in total: 2 prior relationships + 9 individual month-or-two shallow sexual relationships + our relationship). I saw texts where she’d tell a guy that she didn’t want to be a cumrag, but didn’t want something serious about a month or two before we met. I saw that 3 months AFTER we started dating, she sent a message to her first ex on IG about how she saw him on a reality tv show. To her credit, he asked to meet up and she declined saying she was seeing somebody and it wouldn’t be respectful. I then saw that a couple weeks ago, she looked up another ex on Instagram. No messages, but a check in nonetheless. Lastly, and the two daggers that are killing me: 1. After we first had (protected) sex for the first time 3 weeks after meeting, I mention we should get STD tests for good measure. She tells me she already has, and shows me the reports. Fast forward to yesterday, I see she mentions in a text to a friend group about a week after our first sexual encounter, she got her period and she was relieved, because a man had sex with her, the condom broke, and he came inside her. Our condom didn’t break, so clearly it was another man, and 2. She had pictures in her camera roll of another man’s dick. It was from before we met, but she had pictures and a video still saved of her performing oral sex on him in the hidden picture folder on her phone. I noticed in text messages sent to two different friend groups, she mentions how huge his penis was. The timeline here is she mentions this to the groups about 1-3 months AFTER we started dating, respectively. This is after everyone knew we were dating, and she told everyone she had finally met the man she wants to to marry (me). I can’t get the images and video out of my head, and become livid when I think about it and why she decided to keep them. Obviously he left a mental mark on her, if she not only still has the pictures and videos, but continued to feel the need to mention it to friends. I felt humiliated. I’m not insecure about my manhood. I’m larger than average, been told so several times, but seeing this guy’s 10 inch dick in her mouth hit me like a freight train. She caught me going through her phone, and I confronted her. I laid all this out. She apologized, of course, and tried to reiterate that she’s a different person. She’s gone through therapy, looks back on her past with disgust, and has only one man who is the pinnacle of her relational and sexual experience: me. I angrily shouted at her for her failure to make good decisions, how she was basically rode a train to whoredome to which her intimacy has little to no value, and now based on the continuous feed of things listed above, I can’t look at her as a wife. All the apologies in the world are not enough for me. I was furious then, I’m furious now every time I think about it. I feel humiliated. She met me late last night and stayed with me for a few hours, repeating how sorry she was. Crying and begging me to see her for who she is now and not how she poorly conducted herself in the past, but I’m broken about this. Yesterday and today, the thought of sex with her is nauseating. I have no idea how to proceed. For now, I told her I need time, and any hope for the future would be her commitment to showing me she has the capability to make sound decisions on the basis of how it’d affect our relationship, but I don’t even know if that’s enough. I love her, I do. She’s been great otherwise. I wanted to marry her. She adores and admires me. But her actions, her past, derail my feelings. If I’m to be a representation of her, and her a representation of me, I look like a complete idiot right now. tl;dr: Thought I had a trad wife, turns out she’s a young reformed 304 whose past has leaked into our time together.",,6,ThrowawayTrad1029,2023-05-04 21:34:56 askMRP,136j2er,Relationships with non-romantic female family members,"This question that I have is unconventional. How do you think that the RP has affected your relationship with other women in your life apart from your romantic interests, such as your mother/other female family members. I thankfully have a close relationship with my mother, and my mother has treated me as the primary male influence in her life over my father, because of emotional sturdiness, leadership, etc, things that the RP definitely made me more aware of and improved. However, one thing that I am more and more aware of is female solipsism. I notice generally that with my mother or other female family members, that the conversations and interaction is almost always revolving around them/their day/their problems/their emotions, etc, and barely any recognition of you and general inquisitiveness about you and your experiences. Being RP aware regarding things like not being emotionally vulnerable with the women in your life and female solipsism has greatly helped me hold frame/leadership role with them. However, it feels like I am more and more distant from them on an emotional and ***human*** level. They definitely very feel close to me, as they offload all their psychological states/problems onto me as the primary man in their lives, however, this is not reciprocated from me due to RP reasons. It feels like the relationship is one way, and I grow more and more emotionally distant from them (on my side only) as there isn't a possibility of reciprocated intimate conversations. Its funny to see female solipsism in real time though when you take a step back and stop dumping personal emotions on to the women in your life, they don't seem to notice, so long as their emotional needs are being met with you, the relationship is dandy. In a nutshell, the conundrum is that frame/lack of vulnerability has made me in a leader role with other non-romantic female family members which is good, but I feel more distant on an emotional and ***human*** level and disappointed in them, as its a one-sided relationship and their clear lack of care into reciprocating a genuine human exchange emotionally. Is this some type of anger phase with non-romantic women, or a genuine problem in how I am perceiving these relationships and how it should be. Thoughts appreciated.",,10,muh245,2023-05-03 12:25:37 askMRP,134zhw9,ILYBINILWY speech,"Fuck. Just heard these words. The infamous ILYBINILWY speech. 43 y/o, 220#, 15# BF and I tell 1000# pussies to fuck off, so its not my looks or lifts. If you dont know what it is, go [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/fhj4mq/so_you_got_the_i_love_you_but_im_not_in_love_with/). I am not really sure where to go from here. Rambo, nuclear? All of the above? There is no other fucking going on. I am pretty sure. I know I am not fucking anyone else. Been together just over 3.5 years. I am locked into my current living arrangement until July 1, but after that I can make some moves. Just spinning round and round on this. Not sure where things went so badly.",,11,red-sfpplus,2023-05-01 19:57:14 askMRP,12zz35o,10 years relationship help," I’ve been married now 10 years, when first together just my accent (I’m Irish, she’s Canadian) was enough to get her wet. When I would leave the house to train she’d beg me to stay home and make her my slut. She was 21 and a virgin when we met, and she was my slut you for the first 2 years of our relationship. Then I went through a pretty rough patch, illness in the family, working 2 jobs while studying for my degree, and we spend 3 years long distance for that time. I drank hard, had a problem, she saw me at my worst and stuck by me the whole time. Then we moved to Canada, I got fat during Covid, and miserable, and we split up for a year. Now we’re back together, but I can’t get that slut back out of her. She’s always “too tired”. While we were split up, I dropped weight for a comp, and every girl I fucked seemed to fall in love with me. That’s easy. New girls, I’ve no problem turning them into my personal whore. I’m working my way through RP theory, but my concentration levels and patience are not what they were after a series of concussions the last few years. Any advice?",,14,[deleted],2023-04-26 20:43:10 askMRP,12wjz01,Not sure how to approach long overdue conversations while staying in Frame,"I've been doing RP about a month now. Lifting nearly every day, living my life for me, cut out drugs and alcohol. Read NMMNG twice and WISNIFG, and doing the activities. All of this is great. I feel stronger than I have in a decade both emotionally and physically. Wife is still super distant, working a ton. Mostly I'm ignoring it. She isn't going to buy some overnight transformation and I'm saying fuck it. I've failed and won shit tests about 50/50. Not pushing them enough but I've also been ignoring her more so I can own my shit. Now I want to push the limits more. Frankly so much of her complaints are legit. I've been a faggot beta nice guy for years. I want her to get all that shit out on me. I don't even know where to begin with those conversations. I'm already different by action in every way. I just know feel like we're not going to get in my Frame until this happens. An I even correct about that or an I still not getting it?",,3,SteveGonnaFuckHer,2023-04-23 17:54:42 askMRP,12ubf14,MRP Starter Pack,"I have failed. I am divorced. Its a long story but wife had long distance EA, possibly physical once. Not sure. Gave her benefit of doubt on a couple of questionable situations before that. But finally had enough of her generally disrespting boundries and left. Now the why she did that/lost respect for me. I wasn't RP enough and I am still not. I still am 20 lbs overweight. I talk too much with women. Have too many emotions that I shared. I am pretty unsuccessful in my career but have always been employed. But by no means was I ever pulling down proper money--like 200k plus--and all my friends have. Generally failed any and all comforts test from her by being an asshole the last few years as she started pulling away. I beat off too much. I used to have a big network, but been introverted last 7/8 years...struggle with depression. I definitely feel like the poster child for the guy who had it mostly together in early to mid twenties but have slowly become a shadow of my former self due to general grumpiness depression etc. I take Bupropion and it generally just makes me feel numb. Like not excitable...but not as depressed. I have lingered on this sub for 4/5 years. The truth on here hit me like a ton of bricks. I can understand the lessons and messaging but I don't apply anything for any extended period of time because I suck at follow through. In many ways, I think I am still in the anger phase. I kind of don't like women in general except for sex. That said, now single, I still bang 7+s here and there in between compulsive masturbation. Former gambling addiction, very cynical personality that turns people off, in my early 40s, two kids i share custody with and generally a little slovenly in the way I live. I have read sidebar, but often don't apply sidebar. I need to start small. And I need to put it in writing so thanks for reading my whine fest. Goals: limit masturbation to once weekly. 3 cardio sessions and 3 lift sessions per week. Make 150k by this time next year. Weigh 185 lbs (lose 20) by July. Be less of a slob. Coach a kids team. Be a better person and better man. Any additional tips for motivation? Was thinking TRT because I am also tired all the time. Just getting it out here to try and hold myself accountable, apologizes for burdening your eyes and minds. Thank you.",,14,Legitimate_Data2714,2023-04-21 17:16:46 askMRP,12h1jj9,My Internal Thoughts After Wife Discovered My Affair,"**Background** Late 20s M, LTR for 4 years, no kids. 225 bench, squat and DL. Weight: 180lb, 16% body fat. Have read entire sidebar multiple times include NMMNG, WISNIFG, Practical Female Psychology, Book of Pook. 5 years ago, I got into TRP (main subreddit) and used it for validation to game women until I found my LTR. One year ago, I realized I was a drunken captain, found the MRP and since then I've gotten more attractive, dressed better, displayed OI and improved my game for myself while slowly getting rid of covert contracts and the need for validation from other women. However, in the seminal stages of my MAP, I was swiping through Hinge and eventually hooked up with a lady in her 30s and continued to see her periodically. I did this for validation initially. This women has progressively wanted me more as I run my MAP. I have continued to have sex with her sporadically but also have ignored her for multiple weeks/months in a row because I just didn't feel like it. Paradoxically this has made her want me more and amplified the sex quality when we do meet. The changes I have made have also improved my sex life with my LTR however because she is a resident doctor in general surgery she is not available every single time I want her physically. For instance, working night shifts for 14 days in a row kills her libido on difficult rotation. I used this as a reason to justify continuing to see my plate. **Discovery** My LTR found a text from my plate in which she asked to suck me up as a birthday gift and she understandably lost her shit. She also looked through other texts and found pictures of this women and was commenting incredulously about how skinny she is (my LTR is insecure about some weight gain during residency). I acknowledged I have been having sex with her, agreed and amplified her emotions, told her ""what do you expect when we go a few weeks without having sex, I have needs."" Many tears ensued. Eventually I told her we would get through this together and I will lead us through it. I told her emotions are valid, I do not want to erase them for my own benefit, I am fully responsible for my actions, I still value our relationship and I will decide how I want to proceed with the plate for *myself* not for her own piece of mind. I told her she can reach out to me if she has any other questions and if she wants to end things that is completely within her right. She kissed me hard and I could feel a weight removed from her shoulders. **Observations** 1. Although the sex with plate is amazing, at this stage of my frame, I do not necessarily need the validation of knowing I am attractive anymore which is the entire reason the relationship started. I did justify keeping her along as a form of abundance mentality but I do not need to have plates to have this mentality that I am the trophy. 2. I am struggling to decide how to proceed with the plate. The kneejerk reaction from old me is to tell plate everything, end things with direct words and listen to her thoughts. That logic is actually coming from my beta self and it would never work out. 3. When I have sex with my plate, it makes me less incentivized to build intimacy and connect with my partner. It helps with OI however because when my LTR rejects sex because she is too tired, I know that I can hit up my plate throughout the week to satisfy my needs. However, I am worried this may be a subtle covert contract. 4. When sex is not feasible because of residency demands, I have discovered intimacy with my LTR through other means like peace of mind, watching movies together, drinking wine, cooking together etc. I want to believe this may be enough to satisfy my needs but the truth is I am not sure and I have some soul-searching to do. 5. I will hold off on saying anything hasty to the plate. I will observe my feelings day to day while keeping her in the dark until I decide what role she will have in my life, if any. 6. It is very easy to DEER when infidelity is caught. I was able to observe, orient direct and stop myself from doing so while she was remonstrating but I still slipped up at times. However, the next few weeks will be a significant test of my frame as my LTR tries to figure out exactly I am thinking. I will not say or commit to anything to make her feel better. I want to be very careful with my word and actions. 7. I will need to read more reports about Catch and Release. I have a lot to learn.",,11,HangisLife,2023-04-10 00:39:18 askMRP,12b0iff,At-home wear,In relation to dread and being attractive I’d like to ask: what do you wear around the house?,,8,established_1991,2023-04-03 22:38:22 askMRP,11zxlu8,Are these nice guy habits or should I do what I feel like doing?,"I've read wisnifg lately, I'm noticing manipulation and I know how to deal with it without guilt, I started putting myself first much more. A lot of times doing so I hear my woman complain that I don't spend time with her and do gym/other things instead, don't listen to her problems, etc... I don't deer, I don't explain myself, but I can't help myself but think ""but I do want to comfort her and be there for her when she needs to talk or give her more time and reassurance, but this is a manipulative behavior and she's mad at me so I need to fog and exit"" (because she does try to manipulate me into giving her more attention and time) and I just shift my mind to dgaf mode. Is this my nice guy frame talking? All advice here says ""stop giving a shit about her, it doesn't matter how she feels"" but I want to care and sometimes I am worried about her. Isn't this what a good leader does? If my life is in place, shouldn't I care for her well being if it comes from a true place of caring and not from being manipulated? Please show me the way out of the confusion of techniques and ideas. Thanks.",,13,lisguy,2023-03-23 21:12:59 askMRP,11yg9b2,Shit tests and fogging through the phone?,"A basic question: Sometimes I can't see my woman for a few days due to work, and when criticism or shit tests are coming through a phone call generally I just fog them or use AM, similarly to what I'd do face to face. Sometimes fogging is not enough and she wants ""to talk about it"", maybe try to get an apology out of me or just rumble and puke her emotions at me, and I wonder where's the line between continuing fogging through a call without making it a big deal and between saying ""No. We won't talk now, we'll do it when we see each other face to face"". Any tips? How do you deal with stuff when you're at work or away and she's throwing her emotions at you through the phone? On another note a lot of times after her criticism and after me owning my actions and fogging I have a hard time dealing with ""if my feelings are hurt, why can't you just say I'm sorry for hurting you?"" even when it's face to face, so I'd love any tips for that as well. Edit : a clarification - I am not talking about work hours but an evening call after I finished work, going out if I do and everything else",,12,mrmonbant,2023-03-22 11:37:18 askMRP,11t7oo0,"Whats does ""I never loved you mean""?","Said as part of a 'we need to talk' break up conversation after nine years of marriage and two children. Still living together five months later. No romantic physical touch, except for a hug a week or so ago. The hug was part of a continuous trend of improvement. Not sure if that background helps or if the phrase has an established meaning. I'm new to MRP. Is it the same as ILYBINILWY?",,5,Anyoldname23,2023-03-16 22:01:05 askMRP,11larb7,Advice from a 17 Year LTR and 3 kids,"Have been cohabiting for almost 2 decades. Yes we had our ups and downs, but when I read some of the posts here and see something like,,""She is t doing X Y Z, should I DREAD game her"" this and that, like dude,,, the number one advice I can give which always works.. CALL HER OUT Sure dread should be maintained,, passive dread, workout, catch and release,, but this isn't something that you should be treating as a passive aggresive shit to condition your wife. If you notice an issue, CALL HER OUT. That is Bullshit, I call bullshit. Its so simple. This is what they mean when they said ""communication"". Just say what needs to be said especially if its logistics. Just say it. It doesn't work, tell her it doesn't work like that - NONE of it works like that, luv. Learn how to call out your wife's bullshit and maybe make it as an excuse for a manufactured outrage. Again,, just my 50 cents. Take it whatever. enjoy.",,19,alphamale_011,2023-03-07 20:44:45 askMRP,11jk80n,Boundary enforcement/ lies. Did I Rambo?,"25 / 6’1 / 88kg. SBD - 220/135/250. All KG. Together 6 years and 2 kids. We had a wedding last night, at the commencement of our relationship I had made it abundantly clear that smoking is an absolute no go for me. Having family members die directly do to lung cancer from smoking. Past few months she has been vaping again after not smoking since we got together ( pregnant ). I told her it’s stupid to pick back up and she tells me she’s quit over the last month. I’ve told her if I found out that’s not the case this will be it for us. So we get to her mates wedding and 30minutez in with her mother standing next to her she tells me; “ I bought a vape for tonight I’m going to smoke as I’m drinking “. I answer “ You can do as you please however, I will leave and you know very clearly that’s a complete deal breaker for me.” This is awkward because she used her mother to try and soften me and not call her out but I said what I said and meant what I meant. Later one a few hours and after a few drinks / speeches she proceeds to tell me she will go out and have a smoke with her friends. I asked if she remembered our conversation before and she said she’s drinking so she wants to smoke. As I see her pick up her vape and try to hide herself having a few buffs, I proceed to walk out, she chases me and begs me to stay. I tell her she crossed my boundary I had set and that I would leave now. Little did I know there was absolute no reception on most peoples phone out there, no Ubers or taxis come to this location. I’m stuck. I didn’t drive as I intended to drink and have a good time. I ask her to call her dad as he was on call for picking most people up that night, we live nearby. She refuses and says you have to stay until we all leave, it’s 8pm at this point and the event finished at 11pm. I’m furious. I pick up the house phone and she sees me do so and cokes and snatches it off me and tells her dad not to pick me up. He obliges not wanting to cause conflict. I hadn’t organised anything as I thought I could Uber if needed or whatever. I ask her if she would prefer me sit in the corner pissed off all night or call her dad, she said she’s not calling her dad. Fully comfortable with going to have a good time knowing how pissed off i am and that I intended to leave. We don’t live close enough to walk otherwise I would have. I ignore her and she ignores me until about 10pm I hitch a ride with someone else going home early. This morning I packed up all my things and found a place to stay. We live in her fathers rental so I can’t ask her to leave. She is 32. I’m 25. At one point in the night I see her coming into the room where I was and getting a drink with a guy. Could be innocent but that didn’t fly with me after everything else that had happened. Boundary enforced. Yes this is victim puke, yes I’m being a bitch, but I had a boundary and I had to honour it. Please tell me if I went Rambo. I just really have a problem with smoking with people I care about. She knows the history.",,26,SirQuads,2023-03-06 01:23:07 askMRP,11k3qlj,"Caugth wife trying to be an escort again, need a kick in the balls Victim Puke","I been lurking a couple of days here, since all this happened, she is no longer allowed in our home, already got her keys back and change the locks jic, i went NC for a week, then i fucked up got dragged into a conversation regarding the kids. Since then she has been calling almost daily telling the usual i love you, my mistake etc etc, last week i made the mistake of stay for dinner at the place she is now, i went to pick up the kids they were having dinner, she invited me and tried to play family while at it, i fell for it for almost an hour, but when i left i was even more angry, couple of days later we had sex, awesome sex but from reading here i now understand its hysterical bonding, and just a way to try to get me into her control again. I understand that all this comes from my idiot captain ways, fucked up from the moment i gave her a chance to be anything more than a plate, i have no financial planning, lack of frame and balls. When i met her i was sleeping with a couple of girls and used escorts when i wanted something specific or felt like it. Original post Sorry if this is the second place i post this, truth is i dont know what i want, i just want advise to help me thru this mess. Met my wife 9 years ago, we met as client-escort but instantly hit off, booked her for an hour, had amazing sex, i paid her we went to have dinner and ended up having sex all night, from then on i never paid her. We started dating, i was ok with her escorting, after 6 months she told me she didn't feel comfortable escorting with our relationship getting more serious and she got a normal job. ​ ​ We ended up married, ups and downs like everyone, last year money was very tigth, for reasons beyond our control we lost both our jobs in January, i was 3 weeks out of a job before i got a job again. ​ ​ In that time, one of her friends is a single mom with lots and i mean lots of drama on her life, invited her to a job cleaning some houses, that ended up paying my wife a 1/3 of what her friend told her they were going to get after 2 weeks of very hard work, this friend does sex work on the side, i don't judge. ​ ​ She introduced one of her friends to my wife, a kinda sugar daddy, by accident found a conversation , going back an forth between her and this guy, they never actually did it as per the conversation due to the logistics, but they had planned/canceled a couple of times. My take is this is cheating as she never told me anything, asked me if i was ok with returning to escorting and hiding stuff from me, also the guy proposed her a couple of trips to Disneyland (paid) and suddenly my wife started to tell me she wanted to go with her friend to Disneyland as girls trip, not something i would be ok even if she was getting paid. ​ She claims its not because it didn't happen (because i found out), and she was doing it for us as the financial situation is extremely tight right now. ​ I need some input, as my emotions are too strong, im very hurt and confused, i love her but this very much seems like betrayal to me, if she had come to me and talked about it, it would be different, i might have said no, but would ok with camming/only fans. ​ Also my other take is her friend has to be out of her life is we are going to get back, a part of me feels like she planned to whole underpaying my wife a lot, as she has mentioned before that she gets compensated very well for getting new girls to her sugar daddy. Update after conversation with wife: I was able to finally have a in person talk with wife yesterday, while I stand on my position that the desition to go ahead is purely my wife's responsibility, her friend was planning to profit from this. This did change my view of things, but still I don't think that I can continue the relationship, but did make me understand what wife was going through. My wife jobs last 5-6 years have been white collar middle-entry in a good industry. The cleaning job was not something my wife was used to, it was a shock for my wife, but we needed a bit more runway while I got another job before our savings ran out. When the job was finally done, her friend came back with a sob story of them getting underpaid by a lot, if they were supposed to get about 1600 each for the 2 weeks, gave my wife 550. Friend had been telling my wife that she didn't deserve to be cleaning houses, and more shit like that. Before you ask, she was doing the cleaning job, took lunch to her a couple of times, blisters on her hands, smell, clothes, couple of facetime calls, everything checked out, also after i found the conversation with the SD, went thru her phone and conversations with her friend, complaining how she was tired, it was a lot of work and her friend telling her she had given her the solution but she didnt want to take it. The day after she underpaid my wife, my wife was even more desperate, as we had planned to pay very specific things so we could buy time, at that time I had some very good new from a couple interviews, but the time from them to getting hired to getting paid takes about 45 days in my industry. We needed that money so we didn't deplete our savings before I got paid. That's when she encouraged my wife get in contact with the SD, my wife was embarrassed that she could not help us and wanted to cover the money that was missing. After I found out, my wife went to stay at her mother's house, she says her friend kept making fun of her, and tells her to use this opportunity to make lot of money, she has other people she can introduce to my wife, my take her friend was/is planning to pimp her. At least from our conversation wife doesn't want to return to escorting or sex work, she wants a regular job, even if we don't get back together, for her escorting is something she did when young not what she wanted to this stage of her life.",,0,pancholafoca,2023-03-06 16:38:11 askMRP,11j0bvo,Observations of a dying man,"I debated on emparting this knowledge on this group of knuckleheads, but I think it’s worth is since none of you know me or the man I am talking about. Still, a sensitive subject since death always is; also this is not a criticism of the guy who is passing, just my observations since I figure there could be some value to this group. First let me say, I was not close with the guy in question, but he was my wife’s stepdad for about 10 years before I knew either of them. I have met him once over the course of the last 15 years, and while he was ok he probably is someone I would have hung out with occasionally. I won’t bore you with the full background, not relevant to my observations. He was married at least 3 times, fathered a few children. Then he married my wife’s Mom for roughly 10 years, fathering no children there. Then he married a 20 year old, who is now 30. The 30 year old has a 5 year old that is supposedly his (not likely) that he has custody of. He is living with his buddy and his buddy’s wife who are taking care of him and his son while he passes administering drugs and keeping him comfortable as possible. All these women he did some much for didn’t have a thing to say or any type of graditute for helping them raise their children (or even currently). His only concern is for the 5 year old that he will leave behind; which his buddy and wife will likely get custody of if all goes well. 30 year old mother has got a ton of problems. Witnessing the end parts of his life, it struck me how true our Red Pill reality is. No woman that used his protection, resources, or leadership over many marriages and relationships was there to thank him or show any gratitude for what he did do. Some of the children he provided for (like my wife) and fathered did show up, and at lot of his friends did, but not a single solitary woman he was romatically involved even cared enough to call him. Fairtales are a fantasy boys.. above is the reality.",,17,SnooPets7004,2023-03-05 15:53:53 askMRP,11fr0s3,Enforce Boundary or Let It Go,"39yo, 5'6"", 141 lbs, BF 20.5% LTR is 40yo. 2 kids. I had plans tonight to go out to a class (something I’ve been doing to get out of the house more and have more hobbies). My LTR texted me midday and says that after work she has to go check on a friend who was saying some potentially worrying self-harm things. She says she’ll try to be back by the time I need to go (as I have our younger daughter with me and somebody needs to watch her). I tell her that timing wise there’s no way she’ll be back in time. I ask if she can meet me first and I can have our daughter go with her over the friend’s house. But I don’t hear back from her until she’s over there, leaving me with no option but to stay home with our daughter. Now I feel like I’m mostly overreacting and that I should just let this one go due to the circumstances, but also I can’t help feeling like she’s putting me at the bottom of her priority list. If this was a life or death situation, she would have left work early, which she didn’t. She also had time to pick up our older daughter. But just didn’t have the time to work something out with me so I could keep my plans. Any advice on how to handle? Half of me feels like I should just stfu and let it go this time and the other half wants to make it an issue.",,5,Brilliant-Recover163,2023-03-02 03:04:45 askMRP,11elo7j,NMMNG: Read with her? Or no?,"Super rookie career Nice Guy here. Just starting to learn things here and going to solo therapy. Just started NMMNG today—he’s seriously talking about me. Wish I had found it years ago. Glovers 2nd caution encourages reading with the partner—in this case my wife of 25 years. Is there a recommendation here on this? Really appreciate the mentorship.",,11,INFeriorJudge,2023-02-28 22:13:20 askMRP,11ba4q6,fogging,can i get some phrases as examples of fogging. i understand what it is but i am unable to articulate it . a few examples would be very helpful,,7,Lopsided-Mix-4131,2023-02-25 02:57:05 askMRP,115cwco,Wife wants a long-distance marriage,"Don’t be me. I have to learn this the hard way it seems. Took the red pill too late and now from sex-starved marriage I’m moving to a long-distance one. She claims that it’s good for her career to go and volunteer in another country thousands of miles away for a year and that she would be fine with a long-distance marriage even if it wasn’t for 1 year, but 3 years or more. Translation into manglish: “I have no desire or respect for you, you’re boring as fuck and I want to get that dopamine from chads while you’re waiting for me like a lapdog, ready to welcome me back with open arms”. Although I’ve been working on myself for the past 2-3 months with great intensity, I don’t think that even after years of self improvement I can realistically get something better than an overweight single mom. I just cannot make that leap and go from 3-4 SMV to 7-8, I’m a short average looking guy with a small dick, it doesn’t matter how much I earn or how much status I get, or how much muscle I build, compared to chads I’ll just look like a kid in his father’s suit trying to act like a serious businessman - I just don’t look the part.",,10,fijijo,2023-02-18 11:00:57 askMRP,110rvch,"(FR) If You Have ADHD, Texting Is Absolutely ONLY For Logistics","If you've been here long enough, you'll often hear ""texting is only for logistics"". As ""boomer-ish"" as that sounds, it is the absolute truth if you have both ADHD and do not have your life on lock. ADHD means you are already predisposed to chasing dopamine whether or not it is good for you or your mission. Texting is just another addiction that leads to accomplishing nothing of value. It is another simulator (LTR simulator) just like porn (sex simulator), video games (life simulator), and social media (social life simulator). If you have your life on lock, check out /u/Praexology [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/nnq0ar/text_game/) on texting. If you have ADHD, check out /u/Mr_Badass [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/96cgli/how_to_theredpill_with_your_adhd/) on ADHD YMMV but as a cautionary tale, she can text you whatever the fuck she wants. It's only when you watch what she does that will really tell you anything. AWALT. No one cares about you, especially in a car dealership.",,12,BodybuilderHuge9517,2023-02-12 22:15:04 askMRP,110ruis,"Advice for ""equality"" in the bedroom","So my LTR and I have an awesome sex life, we can't get enough of each other and the relationship is really strong (yes I have been prioritizing myself first, not her). The only minor issue I have is when we have sex, she expects it to be always orgasm-for-orgasm. If I cum and she doesn't, she gets annoyed or begs me to make her cum, or brings it up the next time we have sex. I have told her ""I don't keep score, babe"", but it doesn't really affect things. I love pleasuring my girlfriend, but it's really hard for her to cum from PIV only and I don't like going down on her pretty much every time we do it. I have tried not cumming myself to emphasize the ""I don't keep score"" part but her mindset pretty much stays the same. There's no spontaneous blowjobs or anything because then she expects me to do the same back to her. Advice on how to proceed here?",,0,blaackbackedjackal,2023-02-12 22:14:01 askMRP,10x2yan,Thoughts on Rocking the (wife's) Boat on purpose.,"I recently called my wife out for slacking off on her duties. I recognize it is in part my fault for not giving a clear direction on important matters that I want her to attend, and acting in a way that shows those things are important, like asking for feedback. I believe calling her out clearly and rationally, and retrieving my attention is a step in the right direction. I'm trying to keep a level head and keep an eye on how it plays out. Giving her direction on what you want is in itself a way to rock her boat, like compliance tests. But I usually prefer to do it in a steady, and non-intense way. But alas, I'm not perfect, and I eventually neglect one or other areas of my life. Sometimes it's on giving her clear, steady direction. So this time, I chose to call her out intensely, but clearly and rationally, as I was leaving in the morning. I know I will be out of the house most of the day, doing my own things, so it seemed convenient to ""Throw the lit firework in the room, close the door and leave the place"". What do you think? What do you guys normally do? Do you usually let her do her thing, and then rock the boat intensely? Or do you usually provide the direction in a steady, constant, non-intense manner? Stats: Early 30's, BP 5x175, SQ 5x245, DL 5x275. Height: 6'2"", Weight 175 lbs. BF 12%. No kids, wife pregnant.",,3,NihlusStylus,2023-02-08 16:11:46 askMRP,10wp1rk,What Training Split do you do?,"A while back I wrote this split plan arrangement specifically geared towards people who work 9-5 or anyone with a busy schedule. I think this will be very helpful for us captains out here doing their MAP as if you aren't having a busy schedule, you're NOT doing you MAP properly! I am not including the link here as my site is already in my bio, you can look it up if you want. I don't like leaving links on Reddit unless they asked. Article below: __________________________________________________ we discuss the most effective way (especially for Office Employees) to program your training days and workout splits. When we plan our splits we usually insert them in a particular days of the week like for instance, Monday for chest day – here we will discuss why this isn’t the best way to plan your sessions. . When we plan our workout days it usually goes like this: Monday – Chest Wednesday – Back Thursday – Arms Saturday – Legs This works for some but if I will teach you an alternative which can be more practical for most people – especially those with very busy schedules like employees and office workers – but this is perfect for everyone nonetheless. Let’s face it, what if you missed Saturday? Then come Monday, you will do Chest again…off course! That is what is supposed to be done on Monday! But you missed Legs for that certain cycle forever! Enter Cycle Day Approach: I call this cycle day approach because instead of planning your workouts with respect to the day of the week they should fall, you simply have to do your splits in terms of Day 1, Day 2, etc and it will not matter which day of the week they would fall; because let’s face it – the body doesn’t really work in a week by week basis! You body doesn’t care if you did chest on Monday or Tuesday or whenever you do it! It only cares that it is already recovered when you train the bodypart again. So in this approach, your regimen would look like this: Day 1 – chest Day 2 – Back Day 3 – Arms Day 4 – Legs You see, its a very simple change of mindset, but the implications are tremendous! With this you detach yourself from the restrictions and inconveniences that the old way of programming gives. What you need to plan instead are the minimum number of days you should recover. This is more effective for 2 main reasons: Recovery – If you use the traditional Day of the week approach, it is possible that you hit the muscle group again and you’re not yet recovered. This way you can plan on getting 1-2 days recovery and your workouts would not need to necessarily fall on a certain day of the week. this gives you that peace of mind – and besides; you need to see your workout sessions the way your body sees it – in a cyclical manner! It doesn’t matter if you hit back on a Tuesday…what’s important is that you did it WITHIN the training cycle and you allowed your body ample of time to recover. And if you are a kind of person who has a great recovery ability, you can even do the next day sooner and end up doing two cycles in one week (considering that your have less than 4 cycle days in your plan off course..). Flexibility – this is specially true for office workers. We know that 12 hours in a day is usually taken by work, travel time and preparing for work (lucky you if you don’t have to commute or travel). Programming your workout splits in cycle days will relieve you of having to worry about when you miss a session – and you will! I take it from experience! Mental stress brought about by a menial desk job is worse than physical labor especially if you’re dealing with things that you hate on a daily basis! I do not say that its okay to miss a lot of sessions. The point of this is to try to do the splits as often as you can with as little day off in between (without sacrificing recovery – and mental recovery -which employees need more of) This split only makes it more practical and balanced since your body and its recovery doesn’t work on week of day basis either and with each his own so this split will be very flexible no matter what your recovery ability is – or how your schedules will turn out to be.. Tip: For employees or for those with busy schedules it would be better to limit your training days to 3 days or less. Its also a great idea to incorporate a semi-whole body split too – that way you can train the whole body in a cycle and only have 2 days to worry about. This way you can even train each body part more often as you can repeat the cycle earlier. And do not skip a Cycle day. If you happen to lay off, just do the Day you are supposed to take next in line. I swear you will still experience gains,,or EVEN BETTER since you will give your body ample of time to recover even if you aren’t really training that often. What do you think? Are you an employee? What kind of split do you use?",,0,alphamale_011,2023-02-08 06:03:56 askMRP,10qwyxs,"Fitness test vs Nagging (aka ""you're never good enough"") - what's a proper response?","I'm quite new to MRP and have been studying the sidebar material for over a month while lifting daily, changing my diet, and improving my social life. It's a rookie question, but I still don't understand how to respond to her nagging (e.g., when I don't wash the dishes or I give her a backrub and then she complains I did it in the wrong way, etc. - basically whatever I do is wrong) vs fitness tests (e.g., ""why are you wearing this colgne tonight"", ""can you really do X"", ""are we going to... X""). Is that true that only nuking her nagging would be effective? Amused mastery, A and A, as well as fogging can be only applied to fitness and comfort tests?",,11,fijijo,2023-02-01 15:08:14 askMRP,10rgjyb,Why no one talks about Roissy's Dread anymore?,"I am quite impressed by how far the RP (prev known as ""manosphere"") has improved. As one of the small contributors to the sphere back in the day and since I moved on to writing about exercise (since those topics are what people from the manosphere found value from my articles), as such I have been friends with writers like Ferdinand Bardamu, The Unmarried Man, Psionoc, Hawaiian Libertarian and the others I cannot recall. But of all the RP writers the one that was most helpful for me and my LTR has been Chateu Heariste(Roissy) he is what I can say really got me into this sphere. I appreciate the recent prominent RP principles. I now regularly watch guys who had the same influence like Rian stone and that dinosaur from the 2000s named Rollo - who I also binge read back in the blogging hayday. I now see that the methods now are more structured and more nuanced to reflect what really goes on in real life, this is why I am quite impressed with people like Rian who puts the nuance on these principles like how the alpha and beta should not be treated as archetypes etc. I also love how we frame ""dread"" these days; it seems like each creator has his own definition of the sub dreads but they all fall into what you basically do in Athol ( another fossil) Male Action Plan, man this brings me back! But what I am surprised with is that why everytime Dread comes up as a topic, no one seems to talk about some of the actionable tips Roissy brought to the sphere. Back in the days when you say dread, you think of Roissy's dread post. Roissy basically condensed it quite well for a pioneer. His basically discusses the whole gist what WHAT it is and some actionable antics you can do within a relationship that can illicit this. I wanna ask now why no one talks about these anymore even channels that feature CH's old posts when obviously this is one of the most important articles besides 16 commandments of Poon. Here are some of Roissy's actionable tips you can apply. the whole article you can just google it, note: some of these have built in humor, reading this implies that you at least have a brain and enough common sense not to eat paint: Examples of effective doom inducement: Turn off your cell phone twice a week. Alternate days. Don’t do this on a Friday or Saturday night unless the relationship is shaky and needs a high voltage jolt of dread. Make a blatant but plausibly deniable move on one of her friends when she’s not around. The news will get back to her. Milk it. Call her from a very busy place so that she can hear women’s voices laughing and shrieking in the background. Don’t tell her where you are when she asks. Just say you’ll see her soon. Mention how skilled your Russian ex was at giving head. Bring it up again a few days later, pretending not to remember the first time you mentioned it. Bonus: Russians are very good at giving head, so this will have the ring of truth. Be seen by your girlfriend flirting with other women in a social venue. Extra points if the women are attractive. Double extra points if you flirt without looking back at your girlfriend once to check her reaction. Cook her a romantic candlelight dinner at home. Make it a memorable experience, complete with jazz, chocolate, and rose petals. Then, do not talk with her for four days afterwards. Ignore her calls for a week. When you eventually answer and she reads you the riot act, act as if nothing was wrong and accuse her of sabotaging a perfectly good relationship, “just like all the other women in this stupid city. I thought you were different”. Hang up on her angrily. When her best friend tells you how cute you and your girlfriend look together, shrug, put your hand to the back of your neck as if to scratch an itch there, look down slightly and with a mildly annoyed expression blandly sigh “Yeeeeah…”. Triple bonus points if your girlfriend is standing right there. When she attempts the jealousy maneuver by flirting with another guy, act unfazed. Give her pickup tips. Gaze longingly into her eyes, say how hot she looks, then immediately glance sidelong at the bosom of any strange woman in the vicinity. Have a threesome. Spend an inordinate amount of time admiring the labia of the other woman. Be sure to moan louder with her. WARNING: If you cum on the other woman you will have to spend weeks consoling your girlfriend. Say things like “I really value my independence and freedom” relevant to nothing in particular. It’s just a thought that popped in your head. Thermonuclear Option: Have an affair and make sure she finds out about it. Arrange the confrontation so that it does not happen at your place. When she confronts you, don’t get defensive. Don’t speak at all. Let her vent. Let her punch you in the chest and scream obscenities. When she takes a breather, tell her she’s never looked more beautiful and you will never stop loving her. Then without waiting for her response calmly walk out the door and break off all contact for two weeks. When she comes back to you… and she will… you will have a love slave for life.",,0,alphamale_011,2023-02-02 04:22:20 askMRP,10qpf3a,"I fucked up by showing weakness, need advice","When growing up, I was treated without respect by my parents. They controlled me and gave me no freedom, I had to do live by their image. This led to me being a loser. My brother took it differently and became like them. Dominant. He's never been very good with women though. Past 15 years I spent my life studying TRP and turned it around. Made new friends, plated some women. My self confidence grew. People saw me for the new me. I ditched my old friends. But not my family. With them I'm still seen as less than what I have become. About 7 years ago I got into an LTR with a green flag girl, 1 to 2 SMV points below me. RP dad, low n-count, smart, submissive, caring. We have 1 son and a 2nd on the way. Prenup, so I don't care about financial outcome of our relationship. 6 years went by smoothly, I was her hero. It made me irrationally self confident. Passed all tests. Life was good. Then my family asked us to go on a 1 week holiday with them (in august last year). I posted on RP forums for advice as I knew what would happen, especially with my brother who is a dick to me. 'Ditch my family'. But we went anyway. I thought I could handle it. I was wrong. About 4 to 5 days in, I 'broke'. My brother got treated as AMOG even though he shows respect to 'no one' (but does to my gf). Everyone ate it up but me (and the wife of my other brother, cause he doesn't respect her at all). I got ignored, my gf showing ioi's (or was it only in my head..). I told her I hate being with my family as I am not respected, and my brother is treated as a god. I didn't cry, but I showed I cared. I showed how bad it made me feel. I wanted her to pick my side. I even told her in the weeks after that I know I'm not her hero anymore and that that bothers me. Probably my gut feeling is right. She's still respectful of me, but it's not the same. I can no longer reach the illusion she had of me, the image she had of me is gone. She still says she likes me as much, but I know not to judge her by her words, but her actions. Objectively she still knows I'm a great catch, but the feelings must have dwindled. More shit tests. She told me I must have more weaknesses that I never told her and that not telling her was some sort of manliness (which was also a test). I lift. I try to suffer in silence. I still try to act as prescribed. But it's all conscious / faking. No more irrationally confident. Less happy than I was, and I probably show for it. I try not to show neediness, but neither does she (dread game etc). We have a 2nd son coming, and I'm not looking to abandon my children. If there were no children, I could end the relationship and start anew. I don't know if I'm making all of this up because I know about TRP, I'm overthinking, ... I don't (currently) fear her cheating on me (green flags, ...), but I can't stand not being her 'hero' anymore. It gave me great confidence. I don't think there's anything I can do but continue on this path and hope for an occasion to prove my worth again. Any advice on how to turn this around?",,8,serious_bs,2023-02-01 09:40:19 askMRP,10nuty3,(FR) Posts I Wish I Read When I Started.,"My stats https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/10e73mj/own_your_shit_weekly_january_17_2023/j5azalo/ When I started out, I knew I was a huge ass bitch in relationships so I read the required books and went to work. But the problem with some concepts is that they are tacit knowledge. Tacit knowledge is knowledge whose principles are neither obvious to an observer, nor known explicitly by experts. This poses a problem for learners: if beginners cannot spot the principles to imitate, and experts cannot say what they are doing, how can tacit knowledge pass from generation to generation? These two posts helped me understand what the fuck some of these tacit concepts meant and what the fuck I was doing wrong in LTRs. https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3za7c8/before_and_after_examples_illustrate_two_years_of/ - This post has a fuckton of real examples of what it would look like when you stop being a pussy. https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/6lodnt/the_biological_stepmother/ - This post should be required reading imo because it cant get any clearer than this. Everyone is a stepmom in your life because it is YOUR life. Thanks to you cunts, I finally understood NGAF for the first time tonight. Woman said one thing and did another, I didn't get pussy but I wasn't butthurt about it I just signed up for bjj class which I have always wanted to do. I never signed up for bjj because I was afraid of losing to badder motherfuckers on the mat and being exposed as a weak ass fuck. Felt fucking great because I wasn't doing it to spite her, or for her, or for any pussy. I did because I fucking wanted to and it felt great. Fuck me I've been such a pussy. Special thanks to /u/red-sfpplus for the 2x4 and /u/HornsOfApathy/ for this post https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/p12fuy/retard_science_experiment_the_holy_grail_of_cum/",,22,BodybuilderHuge9517,2023-01-29 01:00:44 askMRP,10mbvln,Not scoring until after 1am,"33, Married for 10 together for 12 with 3 kids, 5’11”, 194lbs, Lifts: Bench: 280lbs, Squat: 365lbs DL: 450lbs OHP: 165lbs Currently around 12-13% BF. Aiming for 9-10% within 3 months. Sidebar/reading: NMMNG, SGM, WISNIFG, TSM, TMMSLP, PFS MRP for right at a year. Now to the question: I’m getting sex, and the sex is getting better. BUT, I can not for the life of me seem to get my wife to start actually having sex until like 1am, which isn’t super convenient. I like to go to bed around 10:30pm. I kino throughout the day, state my desires, lead her in the bedroom, but am met with lots of talking. I may fool around with her leading up to the 1am mark, but she seems almost passive until it’s 1am. I love connecting throughout the day (which can involve me listening and some talking on my part) and in the afterglow, but not endless talking leading up to sex. If there’s any tricks to bypass all the talking, I need to be enlightened. So far, my best guess is that she reaaally wants to make sure the kids are asleep. So, maybe if I can get them wound down sooner, it’ll shift the sex sooner.",,1,Visual_Pack_2206,2023-01-27 04:18:28 askMRP,10lsxsx,Married and Lost Desire,"Anybody else here have a happy marriage other than the fact that you’ve lost sexual desire for your wife? We’re married 3 years so far, and about a year ago I started losing attraction to the point that now I don’t even initiate sex anymore. I’d rather rub one out. The only time we do it is when she initiates which is like once a month. I believe it’s the fact that I just despise monogamy and I want variety. I can’t go the rest of my life craving novelty and new experiences with other women. When there’s billions of them on the planet, why would anyone torture themselves to be relegated to 1 woman for life. I made the wrong decision and I’m miserable right now. Luckily we have no kids or property together, so it’s not like she can take anything. I want to live alone, not have anybody walk in on me on the toilet, come and go as I please and enjoy the company of many different females that will ensure my sex drive stays high. I can’t voice my opinion on any other boards as they won’t allow red pill views and will ban you.",,0,[deleted],2023-01-26 14:24:06 askMRP,10ld3yy,She had a meltdown and I decided it's crossing my boundaries,"I had this situation now and I'm trying to make some sense out of what happened. Would appreciate some feedback. She called me needing my help with some simple task and plans, being super enxious. So I'm giving comfort, trying to calm her and also suggesting some solutions, and she keeps relying with ""no, you're just making it worse"", or not answering things I say, even telling me to be quiet. It makes me really not wanna be there and help and I feel bad and unappreciated but I tell myself it's now time to step up, fog, help her, and deal with it later. Eventually after like an hour she follows my lead and I guide her to finish her task. The moment she finishes I tell her ""listen, I care a lot, I love you, but I need you to talk to me respectfully while I'm trying to help, and not shut me up or criticize me, because next time I will have to leave a situation like this."" Then it all explodes, she gets really upset about me bringing it up now after she was so anxious for hours, she doesn't think she was disrespectful, I'm the disrespectful one making her evening even worse etc... I stopped myself at the last moment from deering, fogged a bit and when she finished I just said it's not up for discussion now, we can discuss things later calmly face to face. This wasn't accepted and I had to either get into the argument or leave the conversation as it is, so I said it's time to go and finished the call. She left some massages about me being childish, not caring about her, etc.. I would like to hear some feedback on how I acted, and how would be the healthiest way for me to proceed now. If she wants to really talk about it, will it be right to explain how I felt? Will it be right to refuse to elaborate? Thanks.",,11,lisguy,2023-01-25 23:25:52 askMRP,10i6h8x,Boundary Enforcement: The place is a mess,"- The Goal: I want the house cleaner/maintained, and that's both yours and my job - Handling: Not great. Average take off, Ordinary flight, Rough Approach, Landed well enough. I’m posting this to clarify my thoughts, some of it I got right, parts I fucked up. This is to organise my thinking so the next time I handle it better. The even happened a few days ago, and I want to report it whilst it's fresh in my mind. We had a baby 8 weeks ago, so for the most part everything is still working itself out, sleep schedules, feeding and the housework. However we have arguably the easiest baby ever, she could be easier if she fed herself. It's increasingly become a recent pattern particularly these last two weeks, ""I'm sorry about the mess, I had to rush out"", or ""Hey the place is messy, I'll do it when I get home, just letting you know, if you get home before me"". And there's no need for the mess, it's all 10-15 simply jobs. Put the next load on, throw the other in the dryer, unpack or turn on dishwasher, simple shit. And the reasons for being out and about, shopping with mum and sister, helping currently divorcing sister, with whatever fart size ""catastrophe"" has struck for today, or helping babysit said sisters kids. The reasons are not important, just clarifying my thoughts. And I understand this can be a challenging time, new baby and I am happy to help and do extra, but I'm not shouldering the load, so another household can have their needs and wants met. I came home from work this week, and sure enough the baby tornado had struck with all manner of baby and adult related stuff/chores in various states of started and finished. In the kitchen cleaning up my work kit, RE-packing lunch, making my cold drip coffee, and going through getting everything sorted for the following day as I get up super early for the gym 0300, as I start work at 0600. Had a terrible day so I'm trying to be conscious and not transfer that energy, or allow her to go that route. First ""She"" is on the couch fingering the phone. ""What's happening in here, and are you coming back? Did the baby get really unsettled? What are you doing?"" ""Why's that? No the baby is fine, making the calendar online"" ""Because the place is a mess frankly"" ""Leave it then I'm coming back to it"" I leave to go for my nightly run, and as I catch a mumble about coffee as I leave. And she started cleaning the kitchen. A few hours later after having dinner, she engages about what I said about the mess. ""Better get this mess, I don't think you understand how much time I don't have during the day"" Fog* ""You're right I don't always understand how much time you get a day"" ""Sometimes I don't get to the mess, or get a chance to do everything. Was that why you were in such a bad mood?"" ""Fair enough, I can't stand coming home to a mess though. No the mood was work which was why I left it alone early"" ""Well I just don't have time to get to it all"" Here's where so fucked up on two points. First mistake: ""You spent all day at the plaza"" I get a glare and silence. Although I am correct this is WISNIFG, asking her to justify, or have a good enough reason for shit, this was unnecessary, and shitty. I should have held the point, you're an adult and you need to prioritise your time and priorities better. I get a glare and she goes to say something, stops then says: ""Is that why you ignored the coffee you spilt all over the floor"" There's three large droplets on the floor. Second mistake: I had realised the above error and was still in my head, and I went for a shitty Agree and Amplify which flopped hard. ""NopeI just mustn't have seen it through all your mess"". What I should've done, is call out the fact it would've taken more effort to clean around it, and leave it there, than to either clean it, or tell me early than to sit on it like a silver bullet. Another glare, and she storms off. I just realised this while writing, third and final fuck up. I call her to turn around and say: ""I'm not trying to pick a fight over this, why are you?"" ""I'm not, that's why I'm leaving the conversation"". I take the dogs for a walk, roughly half an hour, and come home to a spotless house. Over the top stuff, all surfaces wiped, bleaching the toilets. Was it smooth, fuck no. Did I get the outcome I wanted, yes. Was I walking on eggshells for days, nope. Next morning seeking me out for hugs, the following night seesawing, being testy, but then oddly affectionate, in the same conversation. Stats and Lift's currently: - Bench 80kgs, had to reset from 100kgs - Deadlift 120kgs - OHP 45kgs, had to reset from 55kgs - Squat 45kgs, fused ankle, this for me personally is great progress - Program GZCLP 12 months, post ""fuckarounditis"" - Height 184cm Weight 88kgs BF% 18 Navy method - Sidebar read once through, some stuff of it twice. - Married 3, Together 6, first kid",,3,disgruntleddigger,2023-01-22 00:40:39 askMRP,10hokew,"Tried to deal with criticism, feel like I did bad","Me: 20's, dating this one for almost a year, 5'9, 155lbs, lifting for 1.5 years, lean physique, visible muscle, was spinning plates until I decided I prefer to focus on this ltr. Enjoying the process. Read Book of Pook, NMMNG, WISNIFG &nbsp; The FR: A very classic situation. She calls me in the morning, I say I'll call her back soon since I'm busy. From one busy to another, a few hours later she asks what's up, I say I won't be calling soon since I'm at the gym and have some plans. Evening comes, as I finish my stuff she calls. I'm answering in a good mood, she's telling me she's angry, asks why didn't I call her back, where have I been, etc . I told her if you're angry go drink or some tea or rest and call me back in a couple minutes when you're not. She does. She's disappointed that I didn't call back, couldn't find 5 minutes of the day to ask her what's up or update her what I've been up to, I probably don't care enough etc.. I understand from previous mistakes that just fogging this won't solve it because she's too emotional, and that she just needs some comfort, so I tell her I want to hear about her day, I care about her and I've been busy but now I have more than 5 minutes to talk. Also that I don't find any reason to call saying hi and bye without having time to talk while I'm busy. (is it Deering because I explained? Should've I done something else?) It's going back and forth for some time with some fogging from me and basically she asks for an apology. *Really* important to her, also I seem to be unable to apologize. At first I didn't apologize, I just NA'd, said it was clumsy of me, it was my mistake and I'll make sure to update when I can't call back next time. After she insisted some more I thought you know what? I did do a mistake and said yes, as I've said I did a mistake and I'm sorry I didn't update you that I'll be too busy to call you soon. She still was upset that I'm so calm, that I seem to not care, so I gave some comfort again and also explained (deered?) that these types of situations don't faze me really, I'm confident that we'll solve them like grown people. &nbsp; Self reflection: I felt disappointed leaving this conversation. Even salty. Seems like I don't yet know how to deal with criticism even after nmmng and trying to apply the tools for some time. I don't know when and if it's right to apologize and how to deal with ""why can't you just say I'm sorry?"", I don't seem to understand whether I should just go ""fuck it, her emotions her problems"" or try to be a leader that solves the problems and finds middle ground, and I'm not even able to tell myself if I dealt with this well or made a joke out of myself. On a later call she apologized for making all of this so hard and wanted to hear from me what can she do better next time, so maybe my leading did come through but I don't want to take this as my feedback. I really would love some of you to give me feedback and help me reflect on my actions. Cheers.",,10,mrmonbant,2023-01-21 10:46:53 askMRP,10cz3mx,Restarting after divorce," I'm a couple of weeks from finalizing divorce. Rambo'd MRP shit w/ a wife with legit childhood trauma/depression/anxiety, FUBAR'd everything. She's done, don't blame her. I've read a lot of the sidebar, understand game (have a lottttt to learn), was always thinking in relation to my marriage. I'm 37, 5' 11"", 195, sq 305, dl 385. Need to lose \~15. Balding. Fantastic ginger beard. Reasonably attractive guy. The very attractive 20 year olds @ my gym don't know of my existence. The Moms are friendly. Make $200k in tech sales. I'm really good at talking to people... analytically. Dress well. I'm going to build the fk out of myself. Have lofty goals in the gym, have my diet on point. I want to see what I can become. I still play adult baseball, I care too much about it. I want to fucking rake this year. And I now love lifting. I was brought up to ""respect women"" by my feminist mother. I thought ONS were unacceptable. Love & respect was the way to their heart. All that BS. I said no to chicks offering in college because I felt wrong about it. It's so cringey. I want... the opposite of that. I want to find and have sex with women. I do not want a real relationship anytime soon. Why am I posting this? I'm wondering what strategies work for people in similar positions. I've spent a lot of time reading TRP/MRP -- I'm going to start reading up on actual game/pick-up. Should I focus on day game? Should I invest time into the apps? What else? Rollo talks about the difficulty of women my age, that 18-23 are the most fun/reasonable to pursue. Does this stand for a dude getting close to 40? How should I calibrate? My SMV is probably as high as it has ever been, but I'm 13 years removed from the SM. I suppose all there is to do is to put myself out there and see what happens, recalibrate accordingly. Hoping for some guidance from those that have done similar so I can do it more efficiently & effectively. Appreciate it.",,11,done_failing,2023-01-15 23:53:59 askMRP,10ap6pd,Proper reaction to sexual rejection in a marriage.,"I get rejected all the time. She claims she has a “low sex drive” and only wants it once a week/ once every 2 weeks. So, following that schedule, on Saturday she would initiate that passionless “duty” sex, yet whenever I suggest it I get shot down regardless of how long it’s been. Normally, after getting rejected I cut all my affection towards her - no hugging , kissing, no compliments, etc. it’s my natural reaction, but now that I think about it- isn’t that showing her that you’re “outcome dependent”? How do you even suggest sex in a dead bedroom- do you keep making advances and getting shut down or do you keep working on yourself, adding more alpha traits and wait for her to initiate more? Most importantly, how do you stop rewarding this bad behavior in a proper way, while still being outcome independent?",,16,fijijo,2023-01-13 08:16:38 askMRP,10a9imv,I'm angry and I dont want to be - the 5 columns,"I keep finding while reading the RP books I am getting frustrated that my life is so different than what is described. Additionally I have found that I am a grumpy unfun dude at home - working on getting better. All this led me to believe that I must be in an anger phase. In looking at the MRP posts on anger and letting go of it a process comes up similar to the 12 steps of AA. I'm doing those 5 columns and one of the things it called out for a few columns is what would the MRP mods say... and insinuated to ask them. So I will post it here... maybe someone else is in a similar situation, maybe I will learn something, or maybe it will just be more entertainment for other retards. The real goal is to share it and move past these so I can move on from this anger as it doesnt serve me at all. &#x200B; &#x200B; 1. **What Am I angry At ?** I am angry at my first real GF, the first woman I fucked **What did they do that I'm angry about?** she cheated on me a few times at least once with someone that was a friend **What was threatened?** this threatened my ego, my sex life, my friendships **My part in it?** I was a pretty weak guy at the time. I was not making my self attractive, I had hard core oneitus for her. I displayed low value a lot and let bad behavior stand and I tried to stay - re start the relationship. I was just too focused on her I think it was an unreasonable expectation to think she would stay faithful at that age. and with such a weak guy I could have moved on and tried to work on myself faster. I was far from a perfect captain as I was not a leader at all. other dudes would say of course she cheated I was weak and unattractive **What should I have done, owned or been on top of** ? I should have not gotten as attached to her and I should have been working to get more fit, study how to game, really owned my attractiveness &#x200B; &#x200B; 2. **What Am I angry At ?** I am angry at jon **What did they do that I'm angry about?** he was a friend and he fucked around with my girlfriend at the time, she didnt just fuck around with him but he was a friend **What was threatened?** this threatened my ego, my sex life, my friendships **My part in it?** I was a pretty weak guy and I wasn't working on being more attractive. but this guy was my friend and really just not a good dude. I wasnt strong enough to show that I wasnt a guy that you fuck around with is gf on. I didnt find out until later... I kept the friends at the time. most have melted away save one. I think he was just a horny dude trying to get his without any respect for me. I could have gotten over it quicker by focusing on building my self up faster. **What should I have done, owned or been on top of** ? I should have been stronger before hand and made it clear other dudes dont fuck with my girl if they want me around... I should have had a bigger more magnetic personality. While I found out a while later I should have addressed my friends at the time that while they did it to save me some pain and the meant well it was pretty fucked up. He drifted away but I ought to have called him out on it. &#x200B; 3. **What Am I angry At ?** I am angry at my old friends **What did they do that I'm angry about?** they knew that jon fucked with my GF and didnt clue me in **What was threatened?** my ego and my friendships **My part in it?** I was weak and emotional so im sure that they were trying to protect me from myself. when I was told I didnt lash out at all... I didnt really do anything I kept it all in. I dont think expecting my friends to tell me about this is an unreasonable expectation... but we were all 18-19 at the time so it isnt surprising. I could have gotten over it faster by addressing them about it and then deciding if they should be in my life anymore. Most today arent save one who I know feels bad about it. Im sure they were thinking they wanted to protect me as they ended up distancing themselves from jon as well. I fell short on many things and was a shitty captain ... I didnt lead anything. The MRP guys would say they that it happened because I was weak and unattractive, they didnt tell me because in part they didnt respect me and thought that they needed to protect me **What should I have done, owned or been on top of** ? I didnt address them on it... I didnt address bad behavior when it came up. I should have brought it up and pulled away from them and built up who I was and found some new dudes. I should prob bring it up with the guy I am still friends with BUT this was almost 20 years ago... he has proven to be a good friend since then but should prob bring it up so I can let go of the anger... maybe when I do mushrooms again &#x200B; &#x200B; 4 **What Am I angry At ?** I am angry at my dad **What did they do that I'm angry about?** he didnt model a strong male for me. I was starting from a broken single mother home when it came to understanding how to relate to ladies and relationships and was giving poor information **What was threatened?** Ego, sex life, mental health **My part in it?** I didnt fail at anything here BUT as I got older I failed by having an unreasonable expectation that I would be taught these things rather than having to go out and learn it myself. I was lazy and used this victim mindset to keep myself from going out and trying to get with ladies so that I could learn this all first hand. I would have gotten over this faster by focusing on letting go of this unrealistic expectation. Same goes for letting it effect my life less... by not being lazy and becoming a victim and moving on to maximize my life. I think he was just trying his best... it isnt quite fair to call out this failing as though that is who we was... while it was a failing I am certain he made many strides of improvement above his dad... as in he didnt beat the shit out of me like his dad and he also let me know it is infact okay to find ladies attractive and to celebrate that. I think he was just trying to get by being broken himself. **What should I have done, owned or been on top of** ? I should have let go of the unrealistic expectation that I would have strong male role models handed to me that would fit my needs. I should have spent less time bemoaning what I didnt have and gotten to work being more attractive &#x200B; 5. **What Am I angry At ?** I am angry at my wife. **What did they do that I'm angry about?** because she doesnt fuck me as often or as enthasitcally as I want **What was threatened?** threatens my ego mostly and my sex life **My part in it?** I married a woman that isnt all that attracted to me. I have not made myself attractive, I whined, was emotional, didnt address health issues... I displayed low value by not owning my life. I didnt get buff and I didnt lift enough. I took her influence too much and was a nice guy. I bent to her will way too often. When this happens I dont react well... I get emotional at times despite not wanting to. I think the unreasonable expectation is that my wife would accept and be a sex fiend for me based on who I intrinsically am with no effort on my end. I think I would have gotten over this faster by fucking someone else and worked on my SMV. I could have let it effect my life less by not consolidating all my romantic attention on her and focused on building my self up, getting more attractive, being a good leader... no matter if I am getting the kind of sex I want from her or not. I try not to be in her head but I expect she is thinking that this is natural normal and the right way of things... that she only is going to fuck me how and when she wants and just responds to that... that she thinks she is attracted to me and loves me. Also, that I am angry too much and incompetent at most things so she has to take over (ie in her frame). I was far from a perfect captain I was a nice guy career beta (while still making less than her - not dramatically less and we are both between 250K and 300K so mostly equal footing financially). the MRPs would more or less call out the obvious she isnt fucking me because she isnt attracted to me, im unattractive, weak, I fucked up by marrying her instead of fucking more ladies first. **What should I have done, owned or been on top of** ? I am going to get strong and more attractive and raise my SMV. She may or may not get more attracted to me. Once I feel like I can get the kind of sex I want else where I will set that expectation at home.... but this my change as I raise my SMV &#x200B; 6. **What Am I angry At ?** I am angry at my wife. **What did they do that I'm angry about?** for not helping me with my goals, such as sleep, knowing I cant get to sleep while they are up reading etc **What was threatened?** Ego, career, fitness etc **My part in it?** I didnt set the expectation clear enough that I want to be in bed asleep by 10pm, so that I can get up workout and get enough sleep. I dont help this by staying up late myself...sometimes until 9:45 or later watching TV finishing the food from dinner etc. I have not really reacted to this as much as get pissed off internally. I could react better by getting to be earlier my self, setting that expectation and taking action myself to put it into motion... I need to literally lead her to bed.... I think the expectation that she is just going to fall into line and help me with my goals is unrealistic.... without raising my SMV. I failed at being a captain as I am not setting expectations and leading by example. I think she was just in her head about work etc and takes a while to go to sleep.... basically in her own world and frame and not mine. The MRP guys would call out that of course she isnt following my lead, she doesnt respect me, isnt attracted to me and I am a shitty leader so no duh dipshit **What should I have done, owned or been on top of** ? If something is a priority I need to communicate it and take action my self. so that means no more coffee after noon, reducing time watching tv each night, setting up for bed myself at around 9 to get the ball rolling. so fucking own my nighttime routine. MRP dudes would tell me to not give a shit what she is doing and do what I need to",,8,[deleted],2023-01-12 20:19:02 askMRP,10a3lq8,How to proceed,"Looking for advice. Since finding mrp i feel like I've been smacked in the face and woken up from this fucked up situation I'm in. I have learnt alot but i could do with red pill advice. Me and LTR been together 1yr 8months. I moved in to her house she owned at 6months (i know BAD) and even worse at 7months she couldnt pay the mortgage alone as her ex and her were divorcing and separating assets so i came onto her mortgage (even WORSE). I pay half of everything but as i didnt pay deposit or anything she split the title 95/5 to her which at the time was fine as i just wanted to be mr nice guy. Since moving in the sex declined rapidly and this resulted in me discussing the lack of sex on a regular basis. Needless to say we are in a total DB now and have come close to splitting on multiple occasions. I've never acted like this before, and i can diagnose a severe case of oneitis now after reading some sidebar and posts and NMMNG. Problem is we have been planning to buy a bigger house together and have been house hunting for a few months. And worse problem is as i work in construction i have been doing house repairs here and have major work supposed to start this weekend. I now am concerned at spending more time/energy /effort /hours of my weekend renovating this house that i technically don't own and right now the chance of me leaving is high as i don't see her changing since I've been such a beta bux. Do i stop all this now and leave or do i stay the course follow my MAP sidebar and lift and hope she follows and becomes attracted to me.",,3,betabuxbitch,2023-01-12 16:21:20 askMRP,108dm53,Wife feelz constant pressure to have sex,"I am 29 5ft7 151lbs. Skinny fat for certain, started lifting last year but was fuckarounditis for most of that. This week started stronglifts program to actually make some gains. Basically wife of 2yrs and i keep having conversations about sex. I know better than that now than to indulge my hamster and hers and puke about how I'm not getting my needs met. I've been a Nice guy whole life so been working on killing convert contracts and reading. Almost split up 2weeks ago about lack of sex and then today she says she can't cope with the pressure of knowing i want to and she doesn't. She said its crushing her. I fogged and diverted the convo but i dont want to lie and say babe its fine if you no longer want sex or say no thats not fine, as thats what ive said in the past and when i say no I'm not happy with sex quantity we basically agree to split up. Ive tried to be patient understanding and in the past few months of finding MRP ive tried to focus on myself more. How can i relieve the pressure of sex off my wife when I'm trying to flirt, game her and kino. She also has a history of sexual abuse and i have wondered if all that is mentally blocking her. We haven't had sex in about a month and before that it was every 2 or 3 weeks so in my book its a deadbedroom. I'm very attracted to her but I'm feeling less and less interested in staying as time is going on and imagining in a few more years the possibility of zero sex per year is not acceptable. Guess I'm looking for advice to know what to say to her if anything and also should i bother staying or is it better to just go and focus 100pc on myself and leave her to be alone and sexless. Is this salvageable or has it gone beyond that point?",,8,masonneedsframe,2023-01-10 16:13:09 askMRP,1042ldh,Getting fed up with constant gaming / affection and no results,"Adding stats since I didn’t last time: I’m 42, 5’11”, 210 lbs, 16% BF (inbody, down from 19% in September), lifting Strong Lifts Madcow 5x5 3x per week, cardio and other lifts 2-3x per week. I have a shoulder injury that affects my bench so I’m not as consistent as I need to be yet, but did 255 x 3 in my SL workout last week. Couldn’t repeat this week. DL 215 x 5, SQ 165 x 5. I obviously need to continue work on legs. I’ve been using lots of kino and affection the last couple of months, say since October. For the most part it’s been ignored, sometimes she’d pull away. We’d have shitty sex every once in a while, but outside of that she even stopped changing in front of me. She’ll go in her closet and close the door to change when I’m standing right there in the bathroom. I’ve been initiating frequently, several times a week, and almost always get denied. She said once a week is plenty and normal and I should be happy with that. Obviously I’m not, it drives me crazy every day. I try to hide it, STFU, and go do something else. Lately she’s been accusing me of being butt hurt since I don’t get in bed and watch a shitty show with her anymore. We had an unexpected week of good sexual activity the week before and up through Christmas. A bet over something on tv led to me getting a bj for the first time in almost 5 months. A couple days later she initiated and we had an awesome session, then again the next day. I got another bj a couple days later, Christmas morning she woke me up for a session at 4 am, then another bj later that day. I thought things had finally turned around. The next week things slowed down and I started getting rejected again, nothing over NY weekend, and one lackluster session this past Sunday where I didn’t get to finish. I’ve initiated all week and been rejected. So obviously the good week was a fluke and now I feel like I’m just wasting my time and effort and getting angry again. I know you’re supposed to “always be gaming your wife”, but is there a limit when she’s not responding? It’s to the point where it’s just adding to the frustration of getting denied and shitty sex when it does happen. What about reduced initiations?",,7,BraveNewWorld1722,2023-01-05 16:03:53 askMRP,1038u4z,Open Marriage VS Moving Wife To A Plate,"Im not going to do either of these so this is more about advice that is given out here. It seems by and large this MRP group is against an open marriage (because who wants to invite others dudes to bang your wife?) but are pro demoting your wife to a plate in certain circumstances. Maybe Im a retard that doesnt know shit, pretty damn likely. But I dont see the difference between the two... unless the man is not pursing his own open portion. So if a dude decides on an open marriage why should he care if his wife is banging other dudes? if she is just some lady he is banging now? What am I missing? What is the distinction if any? Is this just one of the RP incongruencies?",,6,[deleted],2023-01-04 17:07:41 askMRP,zz5p78,The next time will be better,"I wish I had found this information years ago. I've made improvements that helped me be a better man. Its too late for the marriage. Oneitis is a terrible thing, and I know I deserve better. The information here has saved me but not my marriage.",,11,RPturtle,2022-12-30 17:09:23 askMRP,zzd2ib,Letter From the Ex-Wife,"Short Story I left my foreign national wife in her country just a few steps away from a visa 5 months ago over taking a girls trip (I'm sure she didn't cheat) against my ultimatum. I blocked her from texting apps since she decided to curse me out. I told her emails only. I asked to apologize if we were to continue to communicate during the process to cancel the visa. She sent a few emails demanding and update on status and I didn't answer her since no apology from her. I know she is wondering what her petition status is, as she needs it cancelled but needs me to tell her what part of the process its in. Sent an email yesterday. Subject Line: 😌 &#x200B; Hi, It’s incredible that it’s been 5 months since you left me, I felt it more than ever in these months(holidays). But at the end of the day, I only remember your betrayal, of someone who was family by leaving a power of attorney behind my back before you returned to estates and my sadness fades…It’s true that I’m not perfect, I made mistakes like anyone else but now I understand that you were only looking for an excuse to leave me and this (her girls trip) fit you like a glove. &#x200B; I wished that you would have at least shown your face and left all finances in order (paid off a loan that we used for vacation). That you left me in a good place but you did the opposite you left me when I most needed you. You left me in the worst position possible and that is so unjust. But at the end of it all I wish you the best because in my heart there is no hate or rancor for the people who have hurt me. &#x200B; I always respected you, I respected you as your girlfriend (meaning not cheating) and as you can imagine as your wife I only had eyes for you. I never wanted you for a visa to the US, but you believed your lawyer much easier than you believed me &#x200B; Take care I hope all goes well for you👋 So yes I had help with this and this was an attempt to make me feel bad as she excused her behavior. I almost though she was apologizing. I did not answer and today I get another email with an apology and no excuses Subject Line: Hi I forgot to say thank you for everything, I’m truly thankful. In our moments you were good to me…. I’m apologize if at any moment I offended you….or made you feel bad Bye She could have simply apologized but I don't see the point of her hashing out that I was good to her and it's not necessary for her to get me to comply with updating her on the status of her visa. Yes, this could be some NYE resolution BS but my oneitis says this could be an opening to get back together. I know she has to have made a change and needs to follow my fall in frame. I also know I need to hold frame and develop it. But if she has changed or started to appreciate what she is missing as she never apologized before without an excuse then it could be worth the effort. Thoughts? Thought on a on reply? And NO I'm NOT paying her any money back for shit. POST COMMENTS NOTE: I put down over $3.5K equity on a plot of land. Of $16K I left it all to her more than enough to cover de debt if sold. HappY NEw Year MRP ASKMRP",,0,RP_Savage001,2022-12-30 22:09:45 askMRP,zydqlp,Giving ultimatums - ever effective?,"I have seen a lot of posts written here about how to deal with ultimatums when they are given by the wife, but not much, if anything about ultimatums given by the man. I get that ultimatums are basically last resorts, but are they always seen as sign of weakness and/or hopelessness? Can they ever be effective? Let’s say she has a serious dealbreaker trait like what appears to be clinical anxiety that is destructive to the family or a gambling addiction or drug issue etc. and you have tried every possible way to address this. As a last resort, sitting down calmly“I need you to… or unfortunately we can no longer continue with this marriage.” And being 100% prepared for divorce if she does not address it. Any first hand accounts of this happening and being effective at changing behavior? I understand things dramatically vary depending on the value of the man in the wife’s eyes/point the man’s MAP/dread level. So interested to understand points of view if there is an effective ultimatum at different stages as well.",,4,anonymous50002,2022-12-29 19:19:18 askMRP,zwpfw7,Wife jealous of women friends,"32, 6'2"", 280 lbs, 25% bf (navy), BP 305, SQ 355, DL 375 Married 2 kids 7,9 Haven't read any sidebar yet, have read some of Steels posts and posted on here once before. I'll start off OYS that i have a lot of weight to lose. I've been hitting the gym though and gained a lot of strength in the last year and women notice. TLDR I'm going to university as well as working full time + a second job. I've made a few women friends at school and my wife is threatened by them. One is a PT and offered a free session with me to improve my squat form because I've been getting back pain (Hip mobility being the culprit). I told my wife and she was mad jelly. Wife wants me to agree to not form friendships with women. I'm not agreeing to that and she's pretty upset about it, picking fights and sabotaging fun times through the holidays. I love her but she's being a pain in the ass. She says if I don't agree to not form friendships with women she wants an open relationship, and I told her I do not agree to that and would rather be divorced than in an open relationship. It's a bit of a red flag for me that she goes there. Acta non Dicta I guess...",,0,2009p71,2022-12-27 20:37:01 askMRP,zv2pke,Childfree Conundrum,"So I'm a fairly attractive 34 year old male, and I've been living quite well on the dating apps and night life, banging my way here and there for the last 2/3 years, but problem is I'm a family oriented man, and I feel like my life is waaay better on a long term relationship, I just feel like the way society is nowadays is forcing me to this way of life. Well recently I found a girl 25 years, different from the others, and we clicked in a very special way, she just feels right, and we are starting in what I feel it's a long term healthy relationship (rare shit nowadays). Problem is, she is mildly ""woke"", in her mentality and political views, no problem with me, she does respect me and my views, but she is 90 % sure she wants to remain childfree, and I'm 100% sure I want kids. She is willing to debate and rationaly discuss the problem. Well, we are kind heads over heels for eachother and breaking up is kind of not an option. Just want to hear my fellow man opinions, so go ahead, because I'm going to need all kind of arguments and points of view and whatnot.",,0,pshylocibe,2022-12-25 17:44:33 askMRP,zu9fuu,Thank you for ignoring your MS,"I'm 31. Together with wife for 10 years. I've been lurking here sporadically on some different accounts. I've read the game as a young boy and always thought of it as a nice trick book to meet women. And it was. But now I've got MS (disease). For about 5 years now. The up-and-down shifts have been hard. I had gone full bluepill and relied on my wife to carry me emotionally, while I ""carried"" her. Ofcourse this led to a deadbedroom, lots of fights (mostly my beta ass trying to get her approval and support) For the last year, however, I've been going hard on improving my physical health for my illness, my daughters, my wife and family. The goal was being in control. And it has helped. My illness has a much brighter outlook than previously. But my wife was not falling for it. She remained in control. I flaunted with my progress but remained in the beta mindset. My wife kept keeping me in check. 2 weeks ago I quit smoking weed and jacking off, 1 week ago I quit smoking cigarettes. I am in control. Last week I truly understood the red pill reference for the first time. I've bought NMMNG yesterday. I'm here to get and keep a good frame, not because I need motivation to go forward. I decided to post a starting-post here now, since my eventual goal might be to help other chronically ill people to be in control of their lives. Getting dumped for a disease is fucked up. But then again, I'd say it's just equally fucked up as [you dont get a break from being the oak](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/cuqa4e/you_dont_get_a_break_from_being_the_oak/) Yesterday my wife said ""Thank you for ignoring your MS"". I've been on the way of trying to ignore it for a year now. I just started ignoring her shittests for the last 2 weeks and passed a comfort test and apparently she just caught on. Still she did not suck my d*ck afterwards. So here I am.",,10,Henriesbud,2022-12-24 13:04:33 askMRP,zt2ojt,GF and the military,"I'm 18 &#x200B; I’m going to the Air Force reserve and thinking about breaking things of with my girl cause I’m leaving for 3 months (complete absence). I would like some of y’all’s advice and thoughts. My game is tight but I’m aware that it honestly doesn’t matter how tight my shit is. Right guy at the right time and place is when all the cards are off the table She’s good for me, down for my program and hasn’t gave me any trouble or nothing. I have love for her and I know she loves what I do for her. Its almost as if I protect her from herself. Any guidance?",,0,Major_Ad_779,2022-12-23 01:16:02 askMRP,zr515m,I am very stressed with situation.,"43 (M) married 15 years to wife (38). A typical arranged marriage. Actually, we have been fighting a lot since the day 1. We had lots of good moments too, I have two girls, seven and 10. Now my wife according to me is a narcissist and according to her I am good for nothing I don’t do anything at home. I don’t plan any vacations I don’t plan any surprises. I don’t do special things for her. (Trouble today)— started (Sunday evening )when we were eating at a restaurant and she hit my younger one because of some mistake , I did not like that moment and I told my wife that this is wrong. You do not hit a kid that’s not a way of teaching manners. She buzzed out from the restaurant, telling me that I disrespected her, we came home. She took her car went out for two hours, then apparently we had to go to a common gathering. We all went there with kids came back, silent mode no contact. Monday I woke everyone up for school. I asked wife to give them breakfast. I was busy with office meetings. She came back and told me you do not do anything you cannot even take care of kids and all then she started hitting me shouting at me telling me that she won’t let me work she took a shoe and started hitting me and in the heat of the moment I tried to push her away, but It turned into a slap and that was it. I left home for few hours and she called me that she is coming to library to create a scene and all. I went back after 2 hours asked sorry made lunch. Looked fine to me, she wanted to go to Sams to buy a ring for what i did, i said i cannot go today as it takes time to get rings etc and we can go on a weekend, i went to gym, cane home made food for kids. She came down helped little bit and walked away without eating saying that she is not hungry, i ate with kids. After that she’s on a constant phone with her family bitching about me, my family, my past my childhood, my parents, my brother, how I never respected her how I always abused her, how I never did anything for her. i am yes guilty of slapping her. I agreed to divorce and listening everything she said for whole day today. Now when i agreed she is again accusing me of being not a real man, who could have said asked sorry and hug her out. She said i failed the Sams club test too. I am super confused what to do? In my mind i dont see any future with her, but she wont let me get out that easy. I can type more but it will become too much of writing. If anyone wants to help me i can message or call too. Problem i dont have common people in my city who i can share it with. Also before someone asks, i have been a long distance runner , but have stopped running since November and started strong lift 5x5. I am 5 10. 175 lbs, no Belly very athletic. Play Volleyball, Racquetball, Badminton, tennis Whenever i get chance. This is 11th workout started from basic suggested weights. Squats - 120 lbs Bench = 105 lbs Dead lift = 115 lbs Read NMMNG - i think it created problems Reading WISNIFG - i dont argue 99%. Watching Rian Stone videos on YT. Reading this and MRP 24/7. TL DR Need some pointers to get out of the situation.",,7,[deleted],2022-12-21 00:35:59 askMRP,zqid2q,"I fogged, and fogged, and fogged...","Just now I'm finishing reading nmmng, and in a beautiful way it's time for my first time really needing to use it on that extent. The setting is not that important, but in short she called me needing my support after a fight with her parents. After she felt better I agreed to tell her my opinion and criticized her father, maybe too harshly. He already apologized, so she got really mad at me and for ruining the mood again and started crying. So anyway, I started fogging. ""Yeah I can see why you'd feel like that from what I've said"". ""Yes maybe I really don't understand you, but that's how I felt."". It just kept going and going, I didn't apologize but said that we'll understand each other and fix it going forward, that also wasn't accepted well (faced a stubborn insistence on getting an apology for hurting her). It went for way too long, and trying to tie it all up I got more manipulation ""great you'll just leave it like this and I won't sleep"", and I stayed a bit more and gave some comfort which wasn't accepted. I care for her, but we repeated things way too much and I got way too tired of this so I insisted its time to stop the conversation. Again, nobody was really satisfied and I agreed that we'll ""solve this"" face to face instead of just moving on. Why was it all really that bad and so dragged out? My fogging just made everything way angrier on the other side, and my only option to exit was to hang the call in her face while she's crying. I finished by saying I care a lot, but don't want a situation like this ever again. Also, what would be the best action when we meet and ""solve this""? Does it make sense to criticize her later for the manipulative behavior? I'm trying to understand how to deal with the whole apologizing issue as well, especially when I don't think I'm wrong. Am I just childish and egoistic? Would love some feedback on this. Me: 20's, dating this one for almost a year, 5'9, 155lbs, lifting for 1.5 years, lean physique with visible muscle, was spinning plates until I decided I prefer to focus on the ltr.",,14,mrmonbant,2022-12-20 07:53:03 askMRP,zpz7wl,Connecting the Dots with MRP. Wife of 11 years- Had Affair for 9 Months. 4 Kids in House - How To Deal with Constant Interaction,"Just posted my beta version on another forum. And I need crayons for most of my educational work because I am slow. Wife of 11 years had affair immediately walking into a new job in Sept 2021. Found out in July1. \- I have 4 young kids. 9 yo, 7yo, and twin 3 yo. Wife is hamstering HARD to make it all on me. My anger. My rage. My thoughts not being right. I thought I was going insane. MC sessions (1st and 2nd therapists) were wife was telling therapist I am yelling in front of the kids ( easy dunk), watch porn, record conversations. Full fucking court press to give frame to her. But I give myself credit, ( again crayons) but I was seeing her plan of action unfold but could not connect the fucking dots. So tried to rationally talk with her, reason, and of course when that did not work- anger. No remorse. Watched Rian Stone's 6 ways to Tell If Cheating Wife is Remorseful. She has failed all 6. &#x200B; I have been in therapy - I know the majority is bullshit. However, my therapist is ALL ABOUT FIXING ME. Not matter what. Even after the affair. His advice- "" Don't fucking talk about it - work on yourself. what step are you on in Adult Children of Alcholics and Dysfunctional Famlies "". Yeah I had a shitty childhood, like everyone. Mom died of cancer when I was 2. Dad took her pain medication because he died that day for the next 20 years, married step mom immediately and she was abusive physically and verbally. Brought all that shit into adulthood because I did not Fix My Shit. That drove me insane when I did not heed the advice of focusing on me. ""BUT WHAT ABOUT MY WIFES AFFAIR !"" - What I do NOT like about therapy- is I wasn't shown the ""why"" or how to apply this logic throughout all aspects of my life ( career beta) yet. It unfolds when you are ready. As soon as I was introduced to this forum last Friday, and began to read SIDEBAR and other videos, my mind immediately grasped the concepts. STFU. It was literally like the fucking Matrix. I was in a huge fight of wife not recognizing what I wanted her to. As soon as I started seeing the concepts- my mind went blank. All focus on me. &#x200B; But I am a fucking baby. I **just** responded to my wife's text like a bitch - pointing out that she has plainly told me where she is - and that I don't care who she is around at her new job ( she was texting me she is with a bunch of women ). I should have STFU. I was already working out - but need to go full hard. I need to pick up the hobbies I love that I haven't in years. I need to fucking earn. Because finances are a major factor right now, that is tying us together. &#x200B; Yes. I am dialing lawyers this week for consults and to suck up all the great ones. So - Again I need crayons. Her Birthday is Dec 23rd. Our fucking anniversary is December 31st. How do I actually act ? Indifferent ? Happy fucking birthday ? ",,20,Tauntsnake,2022-12-19 18:21:50 askMRP,zpx7o0,Brink of Divorce,"Married 10 years. Both early 40s. Have small kids. Alpha frame from start (had spun plates, read roissy, etc) surely eroded over time. Re-centered myself on red pill about 4 years ago, but now realize I never fully internalized it. After some meltdowns from wife, began to work up to dread level 5. Sex was 3-5x per week, but she was always anxious, accusing me of cheating or wanting other women, or planning to leave her, and I ignored many many comfort tests mistakenly interpreting them as shit tests and ocassional sexual denials as meaning my SMV needed more work/more dread. I also failed to reset every day and would go aloof for days at a time. This made things worse, and a cycle of great times followed by her 1x per year or so threatening divorce has ensued for 3 years. I always called her bluff in those moments, but I also entered her emotional frame, and I now realize: * I treated her like I didn’t like her * I did own my shit/take care of the house etc, but I did not completely lead my family…I began to act as though my wife was someone I was stuck with * She was desperate for comfort and connection, which I failed to provide * The threats were a way to get my attention, commitment and energy * The anxiety I created for her became a burden She also found some red pill writings (huge drama ensued about my views on women). A month ago, a sexual denial lead me to go aloof leading to her saying she wants a divorce to which I said “if that’s what you want so be it.” She asked to divorce amicably, and I agreed to schedule a mediation consult which is this week. She asked me to leave the bed. I said no. She moved to couch, then came back to bed after about a week. I began to re-read Sidebar, read NMMNG, WISNIFG, MMSLP, MAP, etc, and journaling. I see my validation needs, my failure to have OI, as my biggest weakness. I realize I was playing/acting a part, and I was going way too fucking hard. After a few days I expressed that I didn’t think divorce was the answer, we had a path forward, I am reflecting on changes I can make, what I need from her, and that I want to ‘choose her’ but that I am prepared to move forward if she isn’t onboard. She said she wanted to think about it, then came back and said she has doubts about getting divorced, but maybe we should, cried, why will it be different this time, my view on women worry her, I can be such a jerk, etc.. I broken record it will be better, etc, then we are interrupted by kids and she hugs/kisses me so I leave the convo alone (actions, not words). I have continued to try to (truly) internalize I am the prize, to be aware I will be ok (maybe better) if this ends. However I definitely have codependent issues and prefer the marriage not end. For the past month I have been upbeat, leading the kids, but also spending more time lifting every day, being alone, etc. She continues to seek my attention, cook, defer to me on decisions ,and has begun coming to me for hugs/etc in bed. Old me would view giving that up without sex as “weak” but I am giving it right now from what I like to think is a frame of abundance/being the oak/comfort. Last night she told me she has been having dreams I would get a younger woman and more babies and she cried. I held her and she melted into me…I did not try to initiate sex. I want to kill sex for validation and “reset’ in that area with some time. Mediation consult is scheduled for late this week. At what point do I give the final “in or out” speech, or is that silly? Basically, I see where I need to continue doing the work on my own path. Any suggestions for whether this is salvageable, and what I should do from here: for myself, and to live into my decision I want to remain married if possible?",,13,tkarrde38,2022-12-19 17:08:05 askMRP,zm00nf,"Starting marriage counseling, any advice?","I’ve been aware of MRP for a few years but did not start doing the work until August, when we had what seems to me like a main event. I’m 42, she’s 43, been married almost 12 years and have kids that are 8 and 10. This is our second time in marriage counseling and we’ll be going to the counselor (male) that I’ve been seeing individually since early September. A couple of weeks ago he said we’re at a point where he can’t do anything else without her being involved. The first time we went was a little over 5.5 years ago, she was a SAHM that said I didn’t appreciate her and I was not getting the sex I needed. We worked it out to where she could start working again, I’d help more, and she had the idea to give me a BJ every week and increase the sex to at least every week also. I was pretty happy with that and it worked great for almost 5 years to the month, very few issues. My behavior was very beta, I thought I was doing the right thing being a nice guy and that would keep things going. I stumbled across MRP one time we had a fight and read it periodically after that, but did not change my behavior. Fast forward to late last spring, and the BJs became every other week, then not at all, with little sex to fill the gap over the summer. I figured it was temporary and things would go back to normal when the kids went back to school. Then came the main event, where she told me that she’ll never give me a BJ again because I don’t appreciate her hard work (stressful and very busy job) and I don’t deserve it ever again. I flipped out, we had a huge fight, she told me to get out if I don’t like it. I tried to sleep on it then went to a hotel that night. I was going home to get some clothes the next day, we had another fight but I ended up staying. She shamed me as bad as I’ve ever experienced, said that I don’t deserve shit, that I’m an embarrassment, that she was a great wife and has a clear conscience, and if I walk out the door I’m never coming back. She’d keep the house and kids and would divorce rape me. I took it like a bitch, admitted I was a POS, and stayed. Soon after I started my RP journey, lifting like crazy, reading NMMNG, MMSLP, TRM, Illimitable men, and MRP posts every day. I’ve made a lot of progress in the gym both gaining muscle and losing fat. She’s noticed and complimented me several times, even pointing out to others how much better I look. I’m struggling a lot with DNGAF, making slow progress with other behavioral stuff. Things improved enough to the point where I started to apply some low level kino and initiate a few times a week. That was not well received and it got to a point where she told me to stop initiating during the week, that once on the weekend was more than enough, and if I don’t like it then use my hand or go find someone else. What sex we do have is generally starfish and awkward. I brought that up with my counselor and that’s when he said she needs to join too, with him or someone else. I’m surprised she agreed to go, but she went to see him once and now we’re both going. Does anyone have any idea what I can expect? Is there any way it ends with an outcome other than either no change or her saying we need to split? Leading up to the first time we went she’d say “we have to fix this”, while this time she’s saying “too bad find someone else.” I was surprised at the good result the first time but I just can’t see her compromising now. UPDATE: I went in my own today because the kids got out of school early and we couldn’t get a babysitter. I’m glad that’s how it worked out. He told me a little of what they talked about and apparently she thinks things are fine other than our shit sex life, and she’s just being a bitch to me out of spite (he said “stubborn”). I told him I am not taking this lightly and am close to calling a lawyer. He said try to be positive and enjoy the holidays. It’s another few weeks until the next appointment, and I’ll be working on me in the meantime.",,10,BraveNewWorld1722,2022-12-14 19:34:23 askMRP,zliikb,She is always late,"I am seeing two women. Let's call the first one Sarah. I am 37years old, 5ft 7inches tall, in decent shape and I make good money. Sarah is 26 years old, very attractive, thin, and about 5ft 9 inches without heels. She does 99% of the texting and calling. She is very laid back, and fun to hang out with. We smash about twice a week depending on how busy I am with work and plans with the other girl. Things are going great, except for one thing: She is always late to our dates or when we are hanging out. I work in finance, so I am a very straight-laced, orderly type of guy. I like being punctual to events. She is the complete opposite. She is always late, and generally very disorganized. For some reason, that just bothers me. Last weekend she was 30 minutes late to our date and I told her it was not cool to be late and she just brushed it off and made up excuses for why she was late. She always calls me at the time of our reservation to say she is running late, and even though I appreciate the call, it still doesn't make up for the fact that she is late and has been consistently late. **Question:** She is coming over on Sunday. My thought is that if she calls me to tell me she is running late, I should just tell her something with work came up and I need to cancel the date. I guess my question is whether that is the right response. Any thoughts or suggestions on how to think of this situation would be helpful. Second girl. let's call her Mary. Mary is 33 years old. She is about 5ft 4 inches tall and very thin. I met her at my church 3 years ago and we have hung out in group settings at church countless times. I don't remember why I never asked her out because she is attractive and pleasant to hang out with. I asked her out 3 weeks ago and we have been on 2 dates so far. Given my work schedule and the other girl(Sarah), I try to hang out with each of them once or twice a week depending on how busy I am with work. We have not smashed yet. I invited her over last week for dinner at my apartment and she countered my offer with a suggestion that we should go out instead. She said she is not coming over to my apartment because she doesn't know me well enough. I replied that the forecast of the weather is not great(we live in the midwest) and that I prefer we hang out at my place and chill. She countered and suggested we go out. At this point, I told her to let me know if she changed her mind and I walked away. She has initiated almost every interaction I have had with her. Meaning, during church services, he comes and sits with me. During church events, she always comes and sits with me or sits where am sitting or hanging out. She has plenty of friends but somehow always comes and joins me wherever I am at. It's like she intentionally puts herself in my orbit. **Question**: Should I let this go? or should I wait and ask her out again? Any thought or insight would be much appreciated. &#x200B; Thanks",,1,CPA_Streeterville,2022-12-14 05:25:02 askMRP,zk5elh,Experience with Clomid,"I have lower than I would like T. Not clinically low but low enough I have had ED my whole life (as in from first sexual encounter on) and in the last 4 years it has gotten worse along with lack of focus and discipline. I been trying to raise my T for about 3 years naturally with some success but still have the symptoms (ED and lack of focus). For what it is worth my ED is not the worst you have heard of... with LOTS of effort I could get going and could get going with porn... fathered two kids BEFORE getting it addressed. Additionally, my SHBG is high which means what free T I have is taken up by SHBG resulting in little to no sex drive. I have been on low dose Cialis for awhile and I am a high responder to it which is great. Made a HUGE HUGEHUGE difference in me and my marriage. Yes you do need to fuck your wife well from time to time. Now I have started Clomid which I am testing before I do full on TRT, also have an appointment with an endo guy but they wont put me on TRT as im not below the range, but my natural path guy and former GP was big on it. Going on clomid has been good and bad. **The first key ""learning"" really just made the fact that the situation with my wife im in is pretty much all on me. As I have been on it I am more direct, dominant, address issues when they come up etc etc. Doing so had made everything better, mainly me.** Doing so has had a big improvement on my sex life as well, the issue was always me... if I put the effort in to make sex happen my wife is pretty much always down.. so basically do fourplay (NOT FUCKING CHORE PLAY) and it is almost always party time. So again I was always the problem. Secondly, I really really really do need to up my T as in having this drug in my system I am able to take action on the things I know I should be but I didnt in the past... calling out and addressing bad behavior, shaking the lie that you have to be a cold unemotional stiff in order to be dominant (sometimes comfort is needed). &#x200B; Clomid isnt perfect though. I have some fucking nuts side effects. First of my foot itched... sounds like nbd and it is and it isnt... it was an insane itch and I couldn't concentrate on anything. That passed in time which is nice. Secondly, muscle soreness- when I read that I think well man up bitch you have been sore before. This is different this is the kinda pain that you go to PT for, it is nuts just holding up a glass of water is painful - this has improved but isnt perfect. Depending on my blood work and these side effects Im almost certainly going to go on TRT injections. &#x200B; If you are here you better pay some fucking attention to your T. Start by making sure you are lifting consistently... DONT FUCKING SKIP LEGS, drink 2x more water than you think, cut the booze and smoking, eat real meat and lots of it, and get your rest. These will raise your T, rising your T will help you get out of the nice guy bullshit and get you to advocate for what you want (what ever that is). &#x200B; any other retards tried clomid?",,3,[deleted],2022-12-12 17:29:27 askMRP,zi70sr,"Paying of a debt, was there burning desire...?","SHORT VERSION - Full Story Below if anyone cares. 5yrs ago met and Married(1.3yrs) a (27yrs) young foreigner, US visa was about to happen for her. Left her corporate job. I took in heavy RP content and went Rambo AF. Argued many things like asking having her ask for permission to where she wants to go and a nonsexual picture on facebook that she returned likes to in the comments of strange men. Then, Told me she booked a girl’s trip with her younger sisters and she’s going next week. Responses to my disapproval as usual were met with disrespectful comments and behavior while telling me how antiquated I am(41). I said the trip or the marriage. She took the trip. I stonewalled her and divorced her through email with power a of attorney I left the last time I was in her country to visit her. I know now that I caused some the disrespect, created a toxic environment and loss of attraction in the way I went Rambo. I argued with her, DEERED, made claims to the bible for respect, all kinds of dumb shit. There’s my regret of not giving it a chance at the right time. As I offered to get remarried after she signed the divorce. She can’t trust me to not leave her again and that whim. She can’t go through that again. But did a little shoulder dance saying she's single now..? and thanked me for leaving her, TF? Some of my confusion of whether or not she had burning desire are gifts on special occasions she'd send through amazon that cost her quite a bit. Sex was on point, fun, pleasure, excited. But when she didn’t get her way as to going places it was an issue when it came to being submissive, I gave frame from the beginning without knowing and she would not give it up. But was I projecting that it was safe for me to have the frame? Did I give it a chance? Especially after getting herpes in US from a plate. She forgave me but it became something that she kept holding over my head. Gun to my head she didn’t have burning desire, but what do I really know about female behavior? I don't trust my instinct 100% She’s been struggling with a debt that I left there in her name that I agreed to pay. We used the money to travel around when I was last there. It’s my red meat for all the money and time I wasted on being with her. I also put some equity into paying a plot of land and I left it her during the divorce. My hamster said ""let her keep that plot, pay the debt with it by selling it or whatever but there’s more than enough equity to satisfy the debt. Not a penny more comes out of my pocket for your disrespectful ass"" I know it’s hard for her financially may be close to impossible to pay the debt and keep the plot of land. She had a corporate job and now can’t find work. She works for her sister now for 2/3 of her old pay. She claims she lost the lot but 50/50 don’t believe it. I know the sister is helping her out, she’s not starving. I feel bad for her during the holidays for her financial struggle although she was partially to blame. I don’t know what owning my shit is in this situation pay it like ""a man of my word"" or let her sit on her mistakes and keep my money. However, her disrespectful behavior towards me just puts me off and I want her to stay in her shithole country and let her live it out. Any thoughts on paying that loan or just maybe giving her the monthly payment for Christmas? To try and be fair I did offer to update the social media daily for my small business that takes less than 1hr a day but she claimed it was to hard to speak to me and it barely covered half the monthly payment. Too bad, can't say I didn't offer her something to help. ----END SHORT VERSION------ THE BATMAN ORIGIN VERSION BACKGROUND Married a younger (27yrs) foreigner in her country, the visa was approved and only a matter of time before she was approved for travel. Got heavy into RP content and said to myself I have to change or this will end badly for me. I went Rambo! She put a picture with make up on not showing her wedding and engagement ring on facebook that solicited comments from unknown men; she gave them likes I demanded she needed to delete all those strangers and comments. Told her I didn’t need to change mine because I’m a man and she’s a woman. I took a trip to see her and when I got back to the states, I left my wife on the grounds of taking a girl’s trip with her sister without asking me first. I told her choose: trip or our marriage, she had week and lied about going. I reluctantly pulled the trigger. Blocked her from every communication except email until she signed it. She pleaded to communicate with her over email and through family but never did I see anything that implied burning desire to me (maybe I was wrong). But she asked to get her visa papers before she tried the apology card. I believe she regrets it the divorce but will never admit it. When I got the paperwork form her she said “I hope you’re satisfied, and you learn from this” “you stabbed me in the back on May 18th by leaving that power of attorney without telling me. I told her there wasn’t a need for me to tell you anything, that was a precaution and you gave me a reason to use it. She replied “I don’t regret the girls trip and I’m no ones slave!!” I offered her a second chance and said she could not trust me again. I know deep down she believes she didn’t do anything wrong. THIS WEEK So finally submitted the cancelation for the visa as we are divorced and it’s just a matter of time before it gets processed. She was uncooperative about signing a letter and translating the divorce into English as expected although she was rushing me to do this. She is constantly disrespectful and recently called me names like swine and POS because she got notice to appear at the American embassy, like it’s my fault she’s being called in. I really felt the uncooperative and disrespectful behavior when she doesn’t get her way in this interaction. It solidified why subconsciously I pulled the divorced card in the first place. I just blocked her and let her know to apologize and communicate through email from now on, otherwise any process she’s on her own from now own. I will not take her disrespect and cooperate at the same time. However Yes, I still feel bad about the divorce. I’m still very confused how she didn't respect me but we still had sex really good sex, never a time she said no. We’d use handcuffs, light bdsm, lingerie that I got her and was going to get the ass too but I actually didn’t go in on some beta shit that she was too drunk and high and I’d save it for later(probably would have saved the marriage). I truly believe she wasn’t sleeping with anyone else either. I got gifts on holidays that I know were not cheap for her. Here’s the shit that really made me think she had burning desire was that I got herpes from a plate in the US and she forgave me. I offered a divorce and she said “no we’re married” that means something. Gun to my head she didn’t have burning desire but what do I really know about female behavior? The thing though is that even now she keeps bring it up as much as she did with our arguments in the past. I think she’d always hang that over my head. Deep down I want her to realize that a girl’s trip was wrong and that we could work things out. Most of the feeling of getting back with her I feel is more directed at my own regret now, the idea that I didn't leave room for a second chance and clear up all the “what if's” in my head. I'm probably better of according to Iron Rule #7 though. However absorbing content from Apex mindset and his conflict resolution series I see all the mistakes I made in my Rambo phase and understand that I was killing the attraction, became toxic and likely pushed her into her decision. So comes the heavier regret in the manner that I executed the divorce. I constantly think If I had game, if I tried taking the frame in a smooth way, if had the alpha mindset, ect… I also know that I gave her the frame to the relationship even though she asked me to marry but then she would not give it up because it wasn’t safe for her. I left a debt in her name for a loan we took out to travel around the last trip I took to go she her, I had agreed to pay back but I honestly feel she should pay for it as I invested enough time and money that I’ll never get back. I left her a plot of land and put over $3.8K of $15k if she wasn’t able to liquidate it then that’s her problem. She claims she lost the land but then asked to have my lawyer draw up papers to put it in her name only. So, I think she still has it. I know it’s very difficult to pay the plot and the debt. She keeps harping for me to “pay what I owe” and I refuse, as going back on this would further put me in her frame. I know that it’s very difficult for her to pay it and I do feel bad that she’ll be financially struggling for Christmas. But to me this is her consequence for her actions and to be honest it’s my piece of red meat. However, I don’t know what owning my shit is in this situation pay it like a man of my word or let her sit on her mistakes and kept my money. Any thoughts on paying that loan or just giving her the monthly payment for Christmas? Yes, I know I’m in here frame and there’s deeper issues here with me I’m working on it.",,0,RP_Savage001,2022-12-10 23:23:49 askMRP,ze783p,OYS 12 (posting here for OPSec purposes),"**OYS #12** **Age:** 28, partner 25 **Together:** 3 years, 2 y/o son. **Stats:** 6'0, 84kg, 15.5% BF **Lifts:** DL: 215kg, SQ: 145kg, BP: 125kg, OHP: 80kg **Read:** Rational Male, The Way of the Superior Man, MAP, NMMNG **Reading:** NMMNG &nbsp; Posting this on here for OPSec purposes as there's potential (low) my girlfriend saw a link to this post on main sub. This week has been very turbulent, and for the most part I've dealt with that internally without letting it seep out. I am still deep in my girlfriend's frame and I've got a bad case of oneitus, there's no denying that. At the beginning of the week I was floating around seeking comfort and being generally needy, but I realised this is just fucking weak and not the way I should be acting as a man. After reading around, I saw a [comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2vq1tm/comment/con0amf/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) from /u/strategos_autokrator, suggesting the Affair 180 as a strategy to turn a relationship around. This is my end goal, which to a degree is part of my problem; there is way too much emphasis on the success of THIS relationship. Of course we have a child together, but it's also oneitus that's driving this. After implementing the 180 strategy, I saw a positive change in the relationship dynamic, a stark contrast to the dynamic that was presented when I was floating around being needy and actively trying to make things better (surprise surprise), though internally I was still craving validation, comfort and affection and feeling emotionally wrecked. I slipped up on the plan a bit last night, and we ended up briefly talking about the elephant in the room. Ultimately I said there's no point beating around the bush, things aren't great at the moment, but that she needs to trust me more than she trusts her anxiety in the improvement and future of our relationship. Maybe counterintuitive, but this conversation seemed to be productive to the end goal. Ultimately, EVERYTHING comes down to the fact that I do not currently believe she can be easily replaced. My external is pretty solid, it always has been. I've been wasting my time working predominantly on external shit, that has very little ROI. My internal needs a lot of work. I have done a lot to combat my feelings of insecurity and vulnerability through Muay Thai, and I feel significantly more confident. What I've been neglecting and hiding from is improving my GAME. I have done next to zero work on this, and it shows. This is what I need to do, this is my stay plan is the go plan. I need to develop a confidence in my ability to easily approach, attract and close women I'm attracted to. Everything I've had in the past has just fallen in my lap, including my current relationship. Last week at the gym, fuelled with pain, I was getting IOI's from a girl in the gym after she asked me if she could use some equipment etc, the conversation didn't go much further than that. But I thought fuck it I need to start taking action, I went back over and introduced myself, and Rambo'd a close attempt. 'Hey, what's your name? I'm bla bla. Do you fancy going for a drink?' Despite a poor execution and zero buildup, I'd actually taken some action and I was proud of that. I've also been going out to work in coffee shops every day, which appears to be inspiring some level of dread, as she was curious as to why I've started going out every day now. THIS is what I need to capitalise on, this is the action that will positively impact me the most regardless of whether or not my relationship continues or ends. I've been watching a lot of Coach Kyle, which is a great resource. I just need to find somewhere to go to actually start implementing and practicing. My hometown seems like an awful idea, a lack of quality women and a chance of being 'caught'.",,6,AcuminateMind,2022-12-06 13:47:07 askMRP,zdjuyj,cant seem to fidn things for manufactured outrage,"hey took a break from all things red pill (at least in terms of going online) and now im back. gonna start out by calling out the very obvious, I am still operating in my wife's frame but trying not to. I read about other guys and their wives and really count myself lucky that mine doesnt seem to be as crazy, or dislike me as much etc. We have a pretty healthy sex life (at least once a week) and she is pretty neutral to nice to me most of the time. Im here because Im looking to get my marriage beyond that luke warm state, achieving this by being less of a retard and more of a lead. One of the things I want to try is manufactured outrage, the issue that I have is I cant seem to find any things my wife does that would meet the criteria of something that is worth talking about but doesn't bother me... anyone have examples of manufactured outrage so I can get out of this block? &#x200B; some stats: 37 yo 193 lbs, 6'2 married 8 years, together 16 years, kids 2 year 5 years Doing Grey Skull Bp 170 3x5 Op 132 3x5S quat 170 3x5 Dl 285 1x5 ( my BP and DL areextra weak, I de-loaded way down to focus on form and working back up) Readings: Read NMMNG 3x, WISNIFG 2x, MMSLP,, Rational Male Year One, The Mindful Attraction Plan, Smart phone dumb phone, currently reading Sex God Method",,4,[deleted],2022-12-05 21:11:54 askMRP,z7r1or,"Emotional Cheating, Next Steps","As a backstory, our intimate relationship used to be amazing. I ended the relationship back in 2020 because we just kept butting heads and I couldn't control my anger. We were separated for over a year, in which time she was with somebody else for 8 months. We ended up getting back together, after lots of pushing from her, the feelings were there for both of us, coparenting was going really well, and it just seemed inevitable; we eventually bit the bullet. This is where my problems started, I was wracked with insecurity and jealousy from the period that we were apart, I was asking so many beta questions you wouldn't believe, seeking comfort every other day. Safe to say this killed the intimacy pretty quickly, which led to a vicious circle of negative emotions. Very slowly I pulled myself out of this, and gradually got my confidence/'frame' back, at least for the most part. But the damage was done, to climb out of this pit of unattractiveness has been no mean feat, and I'm not sure I've even made any progress. Long story short, we ended up having a conversation yesterday that led to my girlfriend admitting she had been fantasising about someone else (for the record they've definitely never met, and he lives hours away). I said it's ok to have thoughts and fantasies about other people, you're only human and not to feel guilty about it; she said I feel guilty because I should feel that way about you. I asked if they had sent any inappropriate messages, and she said that he had sent her some sexual memes; I asked if she'd sent any, and she said she had sent a few, but just ones she thought were 'funny', something about premature ejaculation when switching holes, definitely way over the line. I asked to see and she was hesitant at first, but eventually showed me. She said she was being naive and thought it was just funny/friendly (lol), and asked what she should do about it moving forward. I said I need you to put a stop to it, and failing that I would leave, to which she agreed. I should have just left it there but my beta emotions got the better of me, as this had hit me like a tonne of bricks. I can't even remember what I said but additional fluff that doesn't help the situation at all. Fast forward to this morning; she said that I don't spend any time with her, compliment her or make her feel good, her life is just boring and that's the only exciting thing she's got going on (ouch). She then said about how she doesn't want her son to grow up in a separated home bla bla, I've managed to shut my mouth so far. Moving forward, I don't really know the best course of action: * End it now and abruptly and do not tolerate that behaviour, be clear and firm. * End it now mentally, but build your value and wait until July to nuke it (whilst also gaining other options). * Continue going forward and monitor the situation. We have a tenancy agreement for the next 7 months, and a 3 y/o boy together.",,17,AcuminateMind,2022-11-29 11:08:34 askMRP,z6ubsd,Need some advice,"Need some advise on this situation. Me 33 wife 38 married 12yrs with an 11yr old son. So ive been lurking for 9 months. Grew up with Mom leading the family and deciding everything even as bad as what my dad would eat at a restaurant. So the last 33yrs was Women make all the decisions for Everything..Hung around deadbedrooms for a while got super depressed and became super distant. Still in a deadbedroom (my fault i never initiated), been reading sidebar, lifting and STFU. Been passing shit tests and leading the family . Her mood has changed and no arguing anymore. Im so glad i found mrp it has completely changed my life for the better. Now to the main issue. Wife has been super protective over her phone the past 4 months and hiding it when i walk in the room..she's using snapchat as communication with some dude im guessing.2 Assumed it was an emotional thing but now shes goin out with a ""girlfriend"" after work alot. (Dude must be in town or lives here) Shes got everything on lock down so it's tough to verify. She left this morning around 1am to goto the ""Hospital"" (health issues) i know her and she would've waited till morning. So to see if im crazy i drive to hospital and her vehicle isn't there. So to me it seems like lying and cheating is happening. The situation were in financially isnt great. She switched jobs, missed tons of work from health issues and emergency savings took a big hit. Living separately on one income each isnt going to work especially with my son involved..Shes from another country and her whole family is there im all she has here. Looking for some outside eyes to see if im reading this right and where to go from here. Wrote this on 2hrs sleep..Rereading this wow. Real hamstering/being in her frame..I need alot of work.",,12,Chickensalad9000,2022-11-28 11:39:40 askMRP,z6pv1x,Newbie questions on MRP praxeology,"As a newbie on the MRP journey, I have a few praxeological questions to help orient my mindset in the right way. 1. Is sex something that a woman ""gives"" you or is it something that a couple ""shares"" together? I think Rollo talked about women as the gatekeepers of intimacy in TRM. And the concepts of game and seduction seem to me to be strategies to ""get"" sex from women, or a conquest of sorts if you will. But then at the same time, how do we not view sex as a ""reward"" given by said women? And how is build attraction --> get sex not a transaction? 2. On the topic of transaction, what makes transactional sex a death knell? Aren't all adult relationships ultimately transactional in nature, including with your colleagues, jobs, friends, etc.? Heck, even RP teaches that you should leave if your woman is no longer adding value to your life, which seems to be a transaction to me. So is it a case of yes, you need to be transactional in the big picture (i.e. having an active sex life) but not in each particular individual instance (e.g. having sex tonight)? 3. Given how illogical and emotional I now understand women to be, how do they even function in everyday life? In their job? In my field (STEM), the women are very logical and calculating. Do they have a switch that they turn on to revert back into silly little girls when they go back home to their partners? Do women only e.g. shit test their partners or romantic prospects, and not their friends or colleagues? This makes me wonder whether I have been engaging women the wrong way at work, or indeed in everyday life. Obviously, I'm not going to hit on a female relative or a female superior at work, but which RP concepts can be applied to women who are not our wives? 4. On the topic of DARE vs. DEER, we use DEER (minus the ""excuse"") with our bosses, our co-workers, our underlings, right? At least I do - defending, explaining, rationalizing is what we do in STEM. But DARE with our wives? It seems that now \*I\* have a switch that I need to turn on and off, which makes me feel like it's not something genuine. How to overcome this? I'm not even sure if my questions make sense because I don't think I'm internalizing all the concepts correctly. Thank you in advance for any insights you may have.",,4,AnySandwich7450,2022-11-28 07:14:44 askMRP,z584gn,Why is STFU so hard? (honest question),"No victim puke but an admission of failure. The importance of STFU cannot be overstated as I have just learned the hard way by once again breaking it. But this time I see it so very clearly and would like to further understand it so that I can hopefully stick to it when the next temptation comes around. I am attempting retirement from my career-betadom. The process is arduous but I have seen first slowly trickling results. I am currently at The Rational Male in my career beta syllabus. The past two weeks felt like a leap forward for once. Now I have just fallen into the ""talk about the relationship"" trap once again after she kept pushing. I was already saying ""I dont want to talk about this"" and ""There is no point in talking about this right now"" but she kept pushing and I gave in. # My question to the MRP Veterans is: What part of the betaization process makes me so prone to giving in to such requests? I would like to further understand the subconscious processes and weed them out at the root so I can stop these destructive patterns. An increased understanding of this might further solidify STFU in my consciousness, make me more careful when such temptations occur and stick to it. It might be necessary to go back to WISNIFG in my studies instead of further progressing. It would still be very much appreciated if some of you on here could point me to further detailed specific explanations on what is going on with this pattern.",,17,Few-Tree-9946,2022-11-26 13:56:06 askMRP,yzg5eb,Arnold or Rambo?," I learned about this place four years ago, made huge progress retraining myself out of massively wrong beliefs I held. It is a long story I will spare you guys. I backslid when I lost my gym during Covid, but hammering it hard now. Are you guys interested in taking shots at the ""new guy"" who is about to blow up a 19 year marriage? It might be entertaining, because I at least have the MRP basic foundation laid. I am still a retard sometimes. To answer McGill, about me being afraid? You bet your ass I feel apprehension about where I am at right now. I like where I live, almost all of my life is awesome. I have a lot to lose. Deciding to be with another woman is going to come at a very high price. Deciding to stay faithful for the rest of my life with a woman who I find unpleasant to be around, and isn't getting in line, is looking like a higher price. I feel dread about where I am headed. To me dread is the feeling I get when it is leg day, and I'm tired and don't feel like doing squats. I still make myself go to the gym on those days.",,9,FormulaFriday,2022-11-19 16:44:27 askMRP,yxxmkl,Deciding I need to open the relationship up (x-post from MarriedRedPill),"Hi there— new here but been a long time lurker. I’ve done all the things you’re not supposed to, I’ve made all the beta mistakes in the past. But I’m finally turning a new leaf. All the typical things have happened— her sex drive has fallen to hardly never, we have started couples counseling, yadda yadda. It doesn’t look good. I discovered some of her texts from the early days of our relationship and I realized how she very early on put me in the Beta category. But she has a thing where if I tried to break up with her, she would get turned on and need to win me back. We also had a rough period in our early days where I suggested that we open our relationship up. And when she learned that I was dating somebody, it’s like the libido floodgates opened and she was constantly wanting me. But eventually we settled back into a relationship, had a kid, and it has been full parent mode since then. But now that our daughter is past the toddler years, and our relationship troubles are back in the forefront, I’m feeling the need to tell her that I need an open relationship again. Not only because I need a sexual outlet again, but I think it kicks her ass into wanting me again (or letting me go). Would love to hear your thoughts— tell me how much I suck, but also some constructive criticism if you can?",,14,mrthaumaturgy,2022-11-17 18:30:26 askMRP,yycyps,"Open Relationships, how?","If you opened up the relationship with your wife of many years, were any of you satisfied with the outcome and how did you manage to keep it from being a shit show? Be the man, of course, but what can we learn from his wisdom? To me, it feels like I am fooling myself into thinking I can limit the consequences of where it looks like I am headed right now. Asking for a friend.",,0,FormulaFriday,2022-11-18 06:18:17 askMRP,yx4gkl,Hormonal birth control,"I'm new to MRP and have gotten a lot of value out of reading through the sidebar and top posts. One thing I haven't seen is reference to oral contraceptives. I know the focus here is on changing yourself and not worrying about changing her... But damn, stopping birth control was a gamechanger. Energy and sex drive up, weight and bullshit arguments about nothing down. There's a lot of solid science behind why as well. A lot of things I was doing that were in line with red pill philosophy went from having little to no effect to getting strong, immediate positive reinforcement. I suspect that a lot of the bad habits I picked up, especially around covert contracts, DEER and not gaming my wife, would have never developed if birth control hadn't been throttling her libido. Is this something people here are aware of and talk about and I'm just missing it? If not, is it intentionally not talked about? I keep seeing OYS posts and other stuff and I'll relate and think, ""This sounds like my relationship and all I had to change to fix it was her birth control.""",,6,deerstfu,2022-11-16 20:03:21 askMRP,yvg8po,Advice needed,"I'm new, I'm in crisis mode. My wife is looking for a break. I feel as if there's no way back. I've been giving her distance for the past two weeks, sleeping in the other room. Traveling with work. Tip toeing around one another. Where as I'd normally apologize and talk her down from the ledge, this time I just STFU. Spoke to her as we needed to, but gave her space and got on with the jobs with the kids and house. Now she's emailed me asking that we take a break for the next few weeks at least. That I give her more space so that i see our lives would be better apart by limiting conversation and contact as best we can in the same house. Although I don't believe she's cheating she add that she has no preference regarding exclusivity for the break. She's considering telling the kids. I'm lost and honestly frightened.",,5,No_Alternative_7463,2022-11-14 23:29:12 askMRP,yv205s,Help me find post/book excerpt (sex denial acceptance/level of commitment),"I am looking for a Reddit post or excerpt in a book (possibly MMSLP or BPP’s Saving a Low Sex Marriage) where it went into detail regarding the general societal acceptance of a wife withholding/denying sex for a lack of emotional connection but not an acceptance of withholding/denying “verbal intercourse” or level of [emotional] commitment by the husband for a lack of physical connection, describing it as cruel and uncaring. It was a rather lengthy piece, and I am not referring to the “Verbal intercourse is optional” post. Something along the lines of “She controls the sex, you control the level of commitment” It specifically referenced the mindset of a counselor or therapist accepting denial of sex, but not denial of attention/commitment. The author then framed the concept in a different context and summed it up by explaining that, even society or a marriage counselor would agree that this action by the husband is acceptable. Forgive the rough description, it’s fuzzy in my mind but it really struck a chord when I first read it. Thanks",,2,[deleted],2022-11-14 15:04:01 askMRP,yosgdj,GF deleted what she is doing on social media.," Hi guys So I’m engaged with the girl I’m with since 4 years. We got an awesome son last year. At the beginning of our relationship we made things clear : no exes in our life’s. I discovered this week that she is checking her ex Instagram to know what he is doing and after that she deleted her search history. She has done this multiple times, apologized every time and promised to stop doing that. I retrieved attention immediately. And now I am the bad guy that is jealous bla-bla-bla. How would you react ? What to do? Thanks a lot.",,18,je2907,2022-11-07 16:39:17 askMRP,yo8h0v,Advice on Applying Book Lessons,"Sidebar and RianStone content have been excellent, comprehensive but overwhelming. I find myself asymmetrically applying certain lessons on frame, not DEERing, lifting etc but I am getting overwhelmed by the sheer number of things I need to change in my life. Simply put, I am wondering how you may have personally synthesized and applied the knowledge acquired from this sub in a way that allowed you to progress and grow effectively as a man, as the captain of your household. Is it effective to read an entire book or would it work best to discover a new lesson, stop reading and employ it in my life before continuing to read and take notes? This particular question stems from my readings of NMMNG and Day Bang.",,10,HangisLife,2022-11-07 01:06:56 askMRP,ymxc32,LTR Absent Father,"My girl and I have been together for about a year and things are good but her daddy and abandonment issues are deteriorating our relationship and time together and RP principles seem to be counterproductive when dealing with her feelz. I’ll get into a brief summary but I was hoping to see if any others have dealt with this and what successes and failures they’ve learned from along the way. She shared with me early in the relationship that her dad left the family unexpectedly when she was very young and moved out of the country with little to no contact since (she is 34 now). I’ve dated other chicks whose fathers have left and they all seem to want the same thing out of a current relationship; control. My current girl will shit test constantly, falsely accuse me of things, tell me I don’t care about her and is hyper-sensitive compared to the average. I deal with all this and know how it goes but when it comes to enforcing boundaries like removing attention when she acts up, walking away during irrational behavior and STFU, dread- all these seem to compound her anger and backfire as she takes this as I’m going to abandon her and I’ll get non-stop novel texts and emails telling me the same. All of this seems to get worse as our relationship progresses. These type of chicks seem to be the ultimate red pill test with abandonment and fears always present. It takes her forever to calm down too like days or even a week sometimes and the more I STFU, amused mastery and just do my own thing the worse it can get bc she doesn’t feel like she’s in control and says “I’m never there for her and I don’t take the relationship seriously”. She will constantly blame, shame, emasculate and play the victim to the point it’s exhausting. She also has a hard time maintaining friendships and jobs because of her paranoia and trust issues. Has anyone else ever dealt with this and have things changed or found some other form of action/communication that works for girls with severe abandonment issues? Much appreciated.",,6,GasOrdinary1237,2022-11-05 15:34:19 askMRP,ym8zoy,Lost attraction,"40 years old, married, one kid. What do you do when you lose attraction for your wife? - wife is loyal and a good mother, wife - I have a plate/gf. - plate is loyal, but young, hot, etc (and for those who know, comes with the common red flags) Appreciate serious advice",,4,sdthrowawaysss,2022-11-04 20:09:26 askMRP,ym2c9b,Question regarding a common scenario,"I was doing some reading today and read about an instance of “husband cheating, wife kicks him out of the house.” In this scenario and kids are involved; If the man refuses to move out of the house, so the wife decides to leave instead, but tries taking the kids with her. What would be correct response if the wife insists and can’t be convinced otherwise AND is adamant about taking the kids? Just doing some contemplation if I were in that scenario and I’m not sure.",,3,[deleted],2022-11-04 15:43:51 askMRP,ylo78m,Boundary Repercussions,"39, married 10y, 3 kids under 8, dead bedroom (1x/month) 4 weeks into MRP. Lifelong lifter, emotional part of frame is weak, intellectual is good. Reading WISNIFG, MMSLP, Rollo, Sidebar, Rien Stone, archives Read: NMMNG, WOTSM Wife drinks and parties a lot. When she does, she is very disrespectful and dismissive of me in front of others, and neglects the kids. In the past 3 months I’ve established boundaries around this and told her “When you speak to me like that it’s not ok with me.” She interprets this as controlling and says so. I had to lay a boundary down last weekend and this led to a mini breakdown this week. She is now asking for “space” - not “move out and leave” space, but “I don’t want to talk about it, if we leave it alone it will fix itself” space. Which is fine, STFU is part of the program and I can do that. I am doing that. It’s very clear that she does not see me as the prize, and that attraction is not there. The only thing I want less than a divorce is to continue living in this low connection state. Question: for those who found themselves here then turned it around, what was the highest impact action you took for yourself first? I’m working on my MAP, doubling down at work, increasing guy time. What else? This is a little bit of a victim puke but fuck it. I never thought I would be as close to ending the marriage as I am these days.",,10,Working-Essay-9868,2022-11-04 03:58:21 askMRP,yfajjj,Is she being disrespectful?,"Hey brothers, crazy night. My girlfiriend/fiance and I hyst got in a huge fight and she vomited all over the floor and on top of the bouncers. Not cool. At any rate, she is kind and caring and beautiful. We've been engaged for nine years. The thing is, especially in the last six years, she's just wigging and kind of crazy. If I don't keep my eyes on her, I don't even know what she'll do. Last week we went out and she wouldn't even ride home with me - wtf? I know she loves me and would never do anything against me, but at the same time, I'd be more comfortable if she were in a cage or something, you know? Girls will be girls. Any thoughts? She's definitely the one for me, and I shower her with love and affection, but sometimes I feel like I'm just 1 of 100. We love each other but I often feel like she's just saying stuff. How do you even know? i told her that she completes me, that I can't live without her. She didn't even say anything. Buzz kill. What should I do? I feel like I""m the perfect ma for her but can be even more perfect.",,0,johneyapocalypse,2022-10-28 01:58:53 askMRP,ye154m,Actions Count Most,"A big fail today: - I was getting our oldest kid (2yo) ready for daycare this morning and my wife comes to join me for a few minutes after leaving our bedroom from breastfeeding our little infant who was sleeping on a pillow on our bed. Wife barges in and starts trying to take over me getting the kid ready, I finish up what I am doing and we walk out together, my wife now holding the oldest kid. Wife looks at the baby monitor and sees the infant baby has slipped from the pillow and panics. I am already running late for work at that point and tell my wife to give me the kid and go check the baby. My wife runs to the room and fixes the situation and proceeds to absolutely lose it on me “What kind of father are you?! Work is more important than your kids life blah blah blah”. Reflecting back, I acted like a complete bitch. Basically I said, “give me the kid while I run away from the problem and you go save the day”. My wife lost significant respect for me today. I have not apologized but I did a lot of DEERing like a bitch after a significant fight. She said “what kind of father are you.” And I told her never to say that to me again and that is strike two - strike three will be the end. Further fighting ensued. Anyways, the point I reflected on is we do all of this self improvement so that we can perform in these split second moments. I don’t really know how to recover from such a bitch display… but that was a lesson.",,12,anonymous50002,2022-10-26 15:39:28 askMRP,ydtu15,The answer is always the same?,"TL DR Be attractive? So I am imrpoving in all areas if my life. My lifts are getting better every week. I am at the gym 3 times a week since 6 months. I got a rise, promotion and I have a job now the makes me meet hundreds of people every week, with trainings presentations consultations conferences etc. I also learn new language, and new work skills apart from work hours. I improved social life, now meeting some friends at least every other week. I have a wife of 3 years, dating for 7. I am 33 yo and wife 31. And I feel she is not putting so much work into relationship or improvement as me. And it makes me angry. I know the best answer probably is to just keep doing what I am doing... But I feel at this moment I should get more from her. I get sex when I generally initiate with true desire (every 2-3 days apart from shark week), but nothing more. I do not get spontaneous BJs (during shark week typically every 2-3 days but only if I initiate), I do not get creative ideas from her side if I do not come up with something. It feels she is perfectly ok with the amount she is getting and have no desire to change/improve. Lingerie? I stopped buying that shit because 90% has been bought by me, and they were worn for like max 3 times, and generally if I do not mention that and this is not smth like valentines day - she has no incentive to surprise me with that. Talking as You know changes nothing, as I tried that before self improvement journey. And you could say - you get the sex how often you need it so why you think about it? I do not know man, I would like to experience true desire for a moment - that is why I do this self imrpovement journey. Do you have any tips? Should I just increase my self improvement? What should I do? I already picked so many activities - that I do not know how could I make the dread higher?",,20,dubromx87,2022-10-26 09:40:37 askMRP,ybj5yq,Wife calls the shots,"Newish to MRP - currently reading WISNIFG and MMSLP. I am a skinny bitch - in shape but have a rock climber physique but lifting again at home to build muscle mass. Married for 3 years and have two kids under the age of 2. My no 1 issue is my wife calls the shots and is really really good at it. She has a massive frame and when she walks into a room she literally immediately starts ordering everyone around and questioning everything - “why wasn’t this done? This is wrong and needs to be xyz. Okay now you do this, you put the over here, do it like this, hold this while I do that - over here - okay now do this, etc.” Like she is an effing drill sergeant. I have tried almost every possible way to break this such as: 1. Try to beat her to the punch and do this myself “hey this needs to be done, can you please do xyz? She massively resists and counters “no, that’s not how it should be, needs to be done this way instead, and in this order, blah blah.” - Especially when it comes to the kid/baby. 2. I do the amused mastery thing - give a quizzical look and chuckle “I love it when you try to be the boss babe.” like I am talking to my toddler and then ignore or proceed to: 3. Agree and amplify - “SIR, YES SIR!” while standing at attention. “OH NO, THIS WASN’T DONE! Call the police! We have an emergency!!” 4. Give a quizzical look and smirk like “who the eff do you think you are?” Ignore and walk away. The issue is that this is relentless and happens always and I do any combination of the above in 90% of situations. Like 10 times a day and is always a power struggle. She has 0 self awareness and won’t get the hint. Again, This is not a simple “hey can you get me this”, it is literally ordering me (and her parents) around non stop and I always put up resistance but midful it makes me seem like a little teenage boy going “no I won’t clean my room!” I understand I need to build more frame but what is a good way of handling this practically for right now, as I build more frame? Further, what are ways I can handle this IN ORDER TO build frame? - sincerely, retard. Btw - sex is fine as far as I am concerned. She is super submissive in bed and rarely rejects (unless for obvious practical reasons like baby is awake and needs to be fed etc.)",,16,anonymous50002,2022-10-23 14:30:10 askMRP,yb0gll,I guess I know the answer for this,"TLDR: LTR GF maybe having something with his colleague? A few changes in attitude shows that something is going on. So I have an LTR with a girl and in the last few weeks I saw some change in her attitude. She works as a receptionist and she works in the same shift with the same guy nearly every day. She started to mention him more often compared before and comepared to anybody else from work. I visited her at her work because we planned a lunch together and i stayed there a little bit after - I could see the chemistry I don’t have to tell more. They got the task from their boss to visit an evening boat cruise (it’s an hour or two) just the two of them- it’s related to the work I know that’s not the problem. I am not gonna be at home because of work on those days so she can do whatever she wants. I guess the normal reaction would be she supposed to say that she is not going with him but she didn’t rejected at all. Another thing that happened today that we had an afternoon program and we were sitting next to a river I was talking about something and she saw some funny thing related to their inside joke - so she took her phone made a photo and sent him without listening to me or waiting until I stop. The question is: did she already cheated or just going to do it sooner or later?",,6,davidlaslo,2022-10-22 22:23:35 askMRP,y7f44e,Am I misunderstanding what a mission is?,"Just got to the 16 commandments of poon in the reading and the 3rd is about making a mission my life's goal - rather than my wife being the center I have mentally masturbated about this in the past and have a few ideas in my head. So im sharing it here so y'all can shit on me and hopefully provide some direction as well. through other sources around personal development it seems that happiness is gained by aligning yourself to something greater than yourself. this is often around service to others but not always. This is not the same as a mission I don't think but more of a relative of a mission. As we all want to be happy and that is a thing we work to. Where im at now though is my mission seems to **be self-improvement and gaining life experiences. I have an urgent need to go and do things, try things, explore, and learn. This work is my center today**. But to what end? no end just the intrinsic value of the having the experience of a life well lived. What this looks like is me trying and doing new things and getting involved in the communities that are around them. I have examples but they don't really matter- the fact is they seem to feed into that life passion I found lacking the last few years and meeting folks with similar interests does the same. In terms of sexual strategy this seems great in getting new sexual options but luke warm in terms of exciting a long-term option - outside of the competition angle (there is a term used but I cant remember it - something about girls want the guy other girls want) I'm going to keep doing these things because I just like them but I wonder if **there is something else in a mission I ought to be considering in terms of a mission?**",,13,[deleted],2022-10-18 18:40:22 askMRP,y5jrng,Question about OYS,"First off, I’ve been red pilled for about a year now and applying it. I just turned 18 and been in a new relationship for about 4 months (my first relationship ever). Regarding my age and experience level, is doing OYS a option for me on this reddit? A successful LTR and potential marriage is something I’m working towards!",,5,Major_Ad_779,2022-10-16 15:34:57 askMRP,y28xo5,Progress + question about frame/IDGAF with destructive behavior from wife,"TLDR: When I'm not yet fully the captain of the ship, how do I prevent destructive behavior in my wife (that affects the family) without resorting back to beta behaviors like pleading, explaining, rationalizing, bargaining, ultimatums? Hello MRP friends, it's me again with another question for the forum. Brief background: I'm a career beta who is around 6 months into the MRP journey. I've completed NMMNG and MMSLP, currently reading WISNIFG and Rollo's TRM. Have read through some of the sidebar and found some amazing posts by MRP veterans. Started lifting 3 times a week and working on improving style. I'm 36M, wife is 39F SAHM, two young kids. Wife was my first and only girlfriend (oneitis), so I have minimal experience dealing with women. This [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2wc1g0/mrp_beginners_guide_for_the_career_beta/) by SorcerorKing describes me to a T: >Career Beta is by all measures in a sorry state. For his whole life he has been a Nice Guy: he has done what others have expected of him; he has put the needs, happiness, and desires of others above those of himself; and most generally and importantly of all, he has *sacrificed*. Like many a Nice Guy before him, he has created covert contracts with his friends and lovers, expecting that his sacrifices would be recognized and rewarded. When this does not happen, he seethes with rage, sometimes openly, sometime secretly. The result is predictable: he alienates friends, he repels women, and he bewilders family members... Let’s be honest: the outlook of the Career Beta is bleak. Note 1: Reason this and my last post have not talked about sex is because wife has broken her arm. Trying to keep up with the kino, seduction, etc. in the meantime. Note 2: I'm not looking for a ""cheat code"" to each situation, although it may appear that way. Beta behavior has been so ingrained in me for the last 30 years that any advice, no matter how trivial, has been extremely helpful for me in trying to internalize concepts and put myself in the right frame of mind. To use an analogy from the comments in my last post, I'm not asking for a bandaid for my leg that has just been blown off - I'm trying to avoid getting my leg blown off but I don't even see which way the missiles are coming from. I'm getting smoked before I even have a chance to react. First, some good news about progress. I think I'm finally starting to ""get it"" about STFU, and to not GAF about what my wife thinks of me. I mentioned [last post](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/xv8m2u/why_do_you_love_me_so_much/) about my wife's overspending behavior. Thanks to comments from others (especially [u/Remington-Holmes](https://www.reddit.com/user/Remington-Holmes)), I realized I was letting my wife step all over my boundaries regarding finances. Previously, each time she would overspend from her credit card, I would step in to erase her debt. I wasn't doing this willy-nilly - each time, I made her promise not to do it again, that she would try her best to maintain a budget, and that as a way of accepting responsibility for her mistake, she would agree that my help would be considered as a *loan* and not a *gift*, to be repaid in monthly installments over the course of the next year (she doesn't work but gets an allowance from me for her own spending each month - so the ""repaying"" would just be me giving her less allowance). And obviously - that never happened, and the debt would eventually be forgiven only for the cycle to repeat anew a couple of months later. Then, I came across [Biffault's Law](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/machiavellians-gulling-the-rubes/201610/briffaults-law-women-rule). Fucking Biffault's Law. Together with reading other MRP materials, something finally ""clicked"" in me. Cue lots of anger, of being used as a BetaBux, of feeling betrayed by my wife's broken promises, of being defrauded by seemingly deceptive/manipulative feminine behavior that can promise one thing one day but do something else the next. This [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2xi8sc/moving_past_the_mrp_anger_phase/), also by SorcerorKing, was very helpful in understanding and dealing with this anger. Therefore, I resolved to never repay my wife's credit card debt again (something that I've told her many times before, but I *really* mean it this time). I also, for the first time - decided to relieve her latest round of debt to me (around $10K) - *with no strings attached*. No commitment to do better, no repayment plan, no exchange of money for the promise of weekly sex (that actually happened - I mean the promise, not the sex, showing how pathetic I was previously). When I told her that I would relieve her $10K of debt to me as a gift with no strings attached, her response was, ""OK"". What? WHAT??? I mean, okay $10K isn't a huge amount, but it's not *nothing*. I wasn't expecting a blowjob right there and then, but didn't that warrant at least a ""thank you"" or a kiss on the cheek? I took a deep breath. I kept my mouth shut. I fought down the desire to ask her why she wasn't more grateful for my help in taking care of her problems, why she couldn't show more appreciation for me. I was successful this time in STFU, so some progress has been made. (I also told her that I was *serious* about not repaying her credit card debt this time, even if she were to fall into bankruptcy I would not care. I meant to say that as a warning, but not sure if I should have said that.) My question to the forum is, how do you manage to maintain frame/IGDAF with destructive wife behaviors? Obviously I'll do my best to maintain my boundary this time and not repay her credit card debt, but at the same time, I don't want debt collectors showing up on my door due to my wife's overspending. Can I force her to give up her credit cards (how?) and only spend in cash? Giving cash isn't a perfect solution either, she needs cash to buy groceries/food and I can't realistically monitor every purchase that she makes. Another similar situation that recently has come up: we *finally* managed to find a live-in housekeeper/nanny that my wife was happy with. This freed up a lot my time, and a lot of my wife's time, so that we were both more relaxed and happy. We could have date nights any time we liked, and neither of us had to do any household chores anymore. But now my wife is suddenly mad about some trivial thing (it's not important) that the nanny did and is taking the first steps towards firing her. I tried to IDGAF and tell her ""I don't care, but if you do fire her, I'm not going to help out anymore than I am doing now because this was your decision"". She says she doesn't care, but I know that if she does follow through with it and fires the nanny, she's going to eventually complain and guilt me into doing more than my fair share of work, because it's happened before. I could stand my ground this time and say no, ""I'm the breadwinner and you're a SAHM, you should be doing most of the housework and childcare"", but since I work from home, I'm worried it's going to lead to a toxic environment at home where she resents me for not helping out even when I'm present at home (but working); again I know this will happen because similar things have happened before. A little bit of stress turns her into deeply negative and critical woman, and plus without our live-in nanny it would be much harder to schedule alone time for us anymore so I worry that our relationship would suffer as well. Obviously, I want to keep this housekeeper because it's the best one that we've had, and want to convince my wife to also keep her for the good of the family and our marriage, but I'm not sure how to do it without resorting back to my beta behaviors of rationalizing and pleading, especially because it makes her feel like it's going to be a ""me + nanny"" against ""her"" situation \[nanny is unattractive so no competition undertones\]. This live-in helper is the best that we've ever had, I'm not sure if we'll find anyone as good as her if she is let go. My broader question is this: how do prevent destructive behavior in my wife without resorting to beta behaviors like coercion, pleading, explaining, rationalizing, bargaining, ultimatums? I mean I know I need to 100% be a better leader but if she doesn't follow in a particular instance, how strongly should I try to ""correct"" her, in order to avoid more disastrous consequences for the family? I don't have the frame to force my family into the direction I want to go just yet. And when our lives are so entwined together, and with the young kids, it's hard to make my wife take ""personal responsibility"" for her errors without the entire family suffering together. I understand that I can't be her savior/white knight each time but I also don't want to put the family through unnecessary stress.",,10,AnySandwich7450,2022-10-12 16:46:58 askMRP,y0bkwe,Where to to go,"Im a 19 year old that stumbled upon redpill while looking for how to improve my self but i dont know what to do recently ive been trying to improve my life i got a job started swimming and started gym but i dont know where to go like what is sidebar or what to do at the gym ive searched online but i can never tell if its the right thing or it will give me the body i want or books to read how to improve my mindset and stop being lazy i never really had a strong male figure to look up to so im starting from scratch. I dont know if this is the right olace to post this but im just looking for help because i dont want to live the rest of my life like this",,14,Neither-Repair-674,2022-10-10 10:48:24 askMRP,xv8m2u,"""Why do you love me so much?""","Thanks to everyone who contributed to my last question in this sub. It was very helpful, and I'm still learning. There's further background in the post history, but basically I'm a career beta who often gets stumped from the dumbest shit, like not knowing when to STFU. I've got another newbie question for the forum: how do I deal with this question ""Why do you love me so much?"" It's often asked after we've had some disagreement, let's say I've criticized her for overspending from our savings again. Obviously she will never admit she's wrong (and there's no point in me trying to convince her of that, right?), but at some point after we've had our discussion she will spring that question on me. Is it a comfort test? Or is she trying to draw me back into her frame as a puppy dog beta? What should my response be? Should I reassure her (of course I love you), ignore her, or make my dissatisfaction with her behavior more explicit (e.g. I'm not going to love you if you keep overspending). Keep in mind I'm still fuming at her financial impulsiveness and trying my best to control my emotions and not to blow it up into a bigger fight. Many thanks in advance, you guys are the best.",,7,AnySandwich7450,2022-10-04 07:36:00 askMRP,xq2qed,How do you deal with permanent STD and dating,"I'm recently single after divorce. No kids. Union job and have my own business on the side. During my relationship/divorce I got genital herpes (HSV2) from a plate 6 months ago. Now that my marriage is over and I'm going to date it's really hard for to me to think of myself as the prize when I have herpes. I'm still hitting the gym to look better and working to up my income. Also looking to get some coaching to develop game in the future. Which is something I severely lack. I've been all over ther herpes reddit post. Got medication, tried Ozone Therapy, read books, tried diets. Know the transmission statistics with condoms and daily anti virals is 5% or less but there's no way to know that ""today I'm not shedding"" and I won't infect my partner. Protected or unprotected. I would feel terrible knowing that I gave it to my future wife, plate or anyone else even if they accepted the risk. Are any of you out there living with this and have a close to normal healthy sex life? I wanted to get advice from those men that have gotten their shit together in the RP but have HSV2. Any of you get to where you were able to start a new LTR and have kids? That's still a goal, to start a family in the future. Post some comments within 24hrs of posting: I'm also new to the RP and I'm building and defining my frame along they way. some of the questions I have: How have you disclosed? How do you portray yourself to others? Hows Your frame eventhough you have Herpes? When having multiple plates have you transmitted while using condoms? Have you transmitted to a LTR? Have you had children and your wife/ltr and not trasmitted? Thanks",,13,RP_Savage001,2022-09-28 04:29:25 askMRP,xo2t48,What makes the physical outlook of an alpha ?,"I have read 3 sidebars , not one , I am still in the process of the books recommended in them but please make sure to follow through and tell me what I am missing . &#x200B; 1. Has muscles 2. Has a masculine voice 3. Has a sexual drive 4. Knows how to fight 5. Has a style Now , The voice that is masculine would be anything asssertive , no hesitation or brain farts . Has a sexual drive , is not sedated , oozing sex vibes . Learns martial art and know how to fiight and he has s style Am I missing anything on the physical outlook of an alpha ?",,1,These-Yak9531,2022-09-25 23:42:46 askMRP,xiyigl,First Mate Wanted Me To Hire A Bailing Expert,"# Quick Background: TL;DR: I'm new and retarded A month ago, wife suggested a divorce to win a fight. Spiraled into panic, anger, and depression. Confronted her about it later, she claims she wasn't serious right now. Asked her to make some basic re-commitment to our marriage, she said she wanted to keep divorce as an option going forward. More panic, anger and depression. Decided there wasn't any point in staying the path if the path clearly ends in divorce. Started coming to terms with the idea that trying anything new is better than doing nothing, even if it makes her mad/sad/scared. Googled 'married red pill' because is sounded good. Found this place a week ago, pre-requisite books are in the mail. Trying to notice all the covert contracts I've set up, and let them go. Trying to notice shit tests; not able to pass them. Trying to STFU, small but noticeable success on this front, has convinced me that this is a path worth trying. ----- # Situation: TL;DR: Taking on water, wife suggested a 'bailing expert' over me I've been doing a decent job STFU, and it's already noticeably improved my wife's mood^(1). The biggest change is that I'm not constantly talking (prompted or unprompted) about my failures, so the halfway impressive actions that I do are more impactful. However, today I ran into a situation I wasn't sure how to approach. We had an issue with our house, to avoid getting stuck in technical details let's say our boat was taking on water^(2). To me, the issue was straightforward; start bailing, replace the bilge pump. I STFU, got to work, and was determined to fix the situation without discussing every detail with my wife. She did not have the same plan. Immediately she stated asking why I was bailing water instead of calling the Coast Guard. The Coast Guard would have bailing experts who would do it properly. The Coast Guard would know if the bilge pump needed to be replaced. The Coast Guard would perform a full ship inspection to make sure the problem wasn't actually a very small Kraken, stealthily putting holes in our hull whenever we had our backs turned. All for the low, low price of $2999! I explained that I know how to bail water, that I know how to check if the bilge pump really is broken, and that tiny Kraken were a ridiculous idea. She said she'd really be more comfortable with an expert. I asked if she trusted that I knew what I was doing. ""Honestly, no"" I explained what I thought the problem was, why I thought it, and the specific things I was going to test to confirm the issue. I explained the specific steps I was going to take to solve the problem, and what my failure points were where I give up and call someone. I thought this would show that she could trust what I was saying. ""I don't have time to talk about this, I have work to do"" At this point I gave up on the conversation and took the dog outside. When I came back, the problem had resolved itself for the time being. Wife went up to bed early and reminded me to pack lunches for us. ----- # Questions: I have no idea how everything spun off the rails so fast. Our relationship had improved over the past week, to the point where we were flirting again. All that got tossed in the trash by me sperging out after she voiced her lack of trust in my bailing ability. 1. **Was I doomed from the start?** I suspect that my inability to project competence in the past meant that I had no winning moves in this fight. I don't see how STFU is possible when she is directly criticizing my attempt to resolve the problem. I know explaining how I was going to fix things was a bad move, but I don't fully understand why. Why does saying ""Here is the specific thing I am going to do to fix the problem, and proof that I can do it"" convince her that I should be replaced with an 'expert'? 2. **Is there anything I should do next time?** In the future, should I just acquiesce to her demands until I've built up a reputation for competence in other areas? I have an idea about why the problem happened in the first place, and if I'm right it's going to be a recurring issue. I'm going to try to repair it, but doing so will attract her attention, and this conversation will repeat itself. I don't feel like defending myself every time I try a simple home repair project. Thanks for any advice you guys have. I'm looking forward to getting through the recommended reading^(3), and know that it's going to take some time to change how I think during these situations, but I hate the feeling of having only wrong moves when I'm trying to solve a problem. Hopefully I'm not trying to go too fast. ----- # Footnotes: 1. Her mood is not my priority. But it shows that what I'm doing is having some effect, and means I have fewer headaches throughout the day. 2. It was the thermostat. 3. Unrelated question: I don't want to be asked about fight club if it can be helped. How do you guys read this stuff without your wife noticing? Sneak it in the bathroom? At night under the covers?",,9,HamWarrior2K,2022-09-20 04:04:16 askMRP,x91zzw,Gaming / Flirting with LTR,I’ve been reading a ton on here including the sidebar but I haven’t been able to find much in regards to detailed content on flirting / gaming your wife / LTR. Can anyone point me to some good resources or posts that you know of? Everything has been great in my relationship for the last couple years but the last 6 months have not and I realized it’s bc of me and I’m having a little trouble getting back into the swing of things in regards to the Mack department. Any help would be appreciated.,,12,ketojammin,2022-09-08 14:31:01 askMRP,x4uez7,help to recover the capacity to choose and serve a woman after divorce,"I have read the anxious wives series of posts by hornsofapathy. I see the logic in these posts and want to apply them in order to build an amazing relationship. In order to apply the advice authentically, you have to choose the woman. This works for married men who have already chosen their wife. For us that our divorced, we may find ourselves broken and protective of ourself and our future. This creates a barrier in the relationship. A barrier to commitment, a barrier to serve another in love, a barrier to choose a woman. I find myself struggling to remove this barrier and unable to authentically apply horns's advice. Have any others built a barrier post divorce? How did you remove it? I am less concerned about building value in myself or seeking sex. Those are more basic concepts that I feel comfortable with. Thank you Link to the first post related to anxious wives https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/asqi8r/depressive_and_anxious_wives_how_its_all_your/",,3,mid-life-restart,2022-09-03 13:26:20 askMRP,x57kxs,NEWBIE HERE!,Hello gents! I'm kinda new to the red pill praxeology. I'm 32 single and just want to learn the basics. I want to know where should I start reading and what steps should I start taking. Please help. I feel like I've been dropped right in the middle of a advanced level course as a novice.,,0,[deleted],2022-09-03 23:10:52 askMRP,x2f3sh,Dread and OYS questions,"I've been doing self-development for a while now and it's led me to this sphere I found NMMNG before MRP a while back and read it then. Re-reading it now (almost finished again) but taking it in more and making notes etc, more like studying it. I had in mind to read this & WISNIFG before posting OYS is this the wrong attitude should I just be doing this now? Secondly I was having a low level of sex before finding MRP, I see now many mistakes I made (unattractive behaviour) and I'm sure I'll learn many more things I have/am fucking up along the way too. Frequency has since improved greatly. Doing things by myself and building a life outside of her has the wife scared/worried no doubt, she's open about this. Think I've stumbled into dread. Yesterday I got asked if I'm cheating (I am), I laughed, made fun of her about it and she tried to play it off. Later she says ""I need a clear answer, are you cheating on me? I need you to spell it out"". I lied, I don't remember the exact words but it was to the effect of ""no and don't ask me anymore stupid questions"". I don't feel guilty about deceiving her but the lying gives me pause as it seems cowardly to me. Did I/how bad did I fuck up here? Don't hold back. Let me have it.",,10,NoMoreMrNiceJay,2022-08-31 14:31:02 askMRP,x2l01y,Recognition,"I’ve been a lurker for about 6 months passively applying tid bits with some what good responses. However, I recently just swallowed the damn pill and applying it daily for a couple weeks. I give my wife recognition when shes being good and pull my attention when she’s being bad. My question is do you give recognition for giving damn good sex? Background: I tried be flirtatious yesterday based off of Athols book sex primer. Gave her a few sensual kisses, pulling her neck in close etc. Well about an hour before bed I went for the kill and was denied. I stayed cool and went on to do some more reading (which I was planning on doing anyway). Well low and behold she kept trying to start a conversation about the most random shit. But I stuck my course and kept reading while pulling my attention from her conversations. The less I entertained her the more she wanted me to talk to her. After I finished reading I went to bed. She came maybe 5min after to bed and driving her ass towards me like a cat in heat. The Sex: I was different in my candor this time. Usually very consciousnesses of her and trying to give her an orgasm you know, beta shit. Well this time I went in cave man style and went for what I wanted. I go down on her which is normal but I go down cause that’s my shit and I like doing it regardless if she does but I was ravenous this time. Flipping her, pulling her as I pleased. Through all of this we ended up inverted to near a 69 position. She doesn’t like to 69 but happens every once in a while but this time she initiated it and started going to town. I was like hell yeah and was close to exploding which I hardly ever do from a oral. Was about to pull back cause I know she enjoys the sex but stayed my course of cave manning and just let it fly. Well to my amazement, she loved it. She loved it so much she kept trucking along and then riding me to hers. All that to say, I fucking loved it. Part of me wants me to let her know that she did a great fucking job fucking.",,0,[deleted],2022-08-31 18:33:52 askMRP,wyiu80,Jerking off in Bed after Sex Denial,"So last night the LTR denied sex and it's been becoming a more frequent thing compared to before. So she actually fell asleep pretty quickly but I was horny and so I got up and walked to her drawer and got some lube and beat one down and then went and cleaned up in the bathroom. I wasn't trying to be discrete or anything and I could have cared less if she woke up or not. My question is about doing this in the future. If she turns down sex and I say I'm really horny, are you going to help me out (jerk off etc.) and she says no to that, do I just grab some lube and beat off right there? I don't really feel like I would want to go to the living room couch or spare bedroom. Does this go against the ""Be attractive"" mantra? Thoughts? Not really sure what the ramifications of this are or how it fits into any RP stuff. Thanks in advance.",,22,luzerpatrol,2022-08-26 20:05:06 askMRP,wyvchc,Need advice on how to proceed,"36M here, with two young kids (4 and 6), wife is 38F. Married for 12 years. I'm relatively new to the MRP journey, and I was a career beta all my life. After reading more on MRP (completed MMSLP and NMMNG so far), I realized that my approaches were 100% wrong. The more I pressured my wife for sex, and the more we argued or negotiated about it, the more defensive and stressed she became about the ordeal and would come up with myriad excuses not to do it (tired, kids, stress, etc.). On average, we have sex around 2 times a month. She does seem to enjoy it when the stars align for us to fuck, and she orgasms each time, but isn't a willing giver sexually (something to work on). I've been going to the gym 3 times a week, doing my best to pass shit tests, practice outcome independence, maintaining frame and building dread. I'm making slow but steady progress, but because I've been so ingrained in the beta mindset for so long, I'm sure I've made a ton of mistakes that I don't even realize. So back to the scenario at hand. We had another big argument at the end of July where told me to stop asking her for sex and to let it come naturally instead. So in the month of August, I told her that I would take the drastic step of not initiating sex at all, just to take the pressure off the act and to rebuild attraction. I still gamed her this month, but I dialed it down significantly because I wanted to break the association between running game and asking for sex, and to also to build dread by removing attention/affection. The result? We still fucked twice this month when she initiated. Obviously not the preferred frequency for me, but at least better than zero. We didn't argue about sex this month at all, and she felt less stressed about it. I also felt more comfortable in the alpha mindset because I knew that nothing I did this month for her would represent a covert contract for intimacy. It also made it easier for me to pass shit/compliance tests and stay in my frame because I didn't care if she got mad or not as I wasn't going to ask her for sex anyway. Which paradoxically (not really) made her better behaved towards me as well. Here's my issue. Yesterday, I jokingly said that this experiment in August was coming to an end, and she also replied, semi (?)-jokingly, that she wish it would continue indefinitely because it was much better that I wasn't asking her for sex all the time. Then, I messed up. I reacted like a total beta. I felt hurt that she would say that because it implied a lack of attraction for me. I blurted out that I would continue to withdraw my affection and attention from the relationship if the lack of sex continued. I mean I know that's what I was supposed to do as part of building dread, just that I wasn't supposed to say it out loud as if it was a threat. Because I said it in a joking way, we didn't end up in another argument, but I know that I should have still reacted better. First question: what are some DARE responses that I could have made to my wife's reply above? (That she wish I would continue indefinitely to not ask her for sex). Second question: should I begin initiating sex again in September? I know I need to do a better job of OI even if she denies it, but I don't want to ruin what little progress I've made this month by slipping back into old habits and patterns.",,3,AnySandwich7450,2022-08-27 06:13:20 askMRP,wycpjn,Sex Question,"When I implement dominance with my wife in bed, she goes limp. For example, if we're in missionary or kissing and I pin her hands to the bed by her wrists, she just starts laying there. What's up with this?",,7,Cyrano_deBond,2022-08-26 15:52:06 askMRP,wwojst,"How handle wife pushback when beginning, father of 4 young children.","31m New to MRP, typical stale marriage. I'm curious about a couple basics... We have four children, 2, 3, 4, and 5. She homeschools them. I have a hard time reconciling the fact that she does a lot during the day with some of my MRP goals. There is a limit to how much mission focus I can have because I can't put 100% of the child rearing on my wife when I'm already gone 8 - 5. I lift and run before my kids get up. Recently began to play pickleball once a week. This week I wanted to start jiu jitsu 2x a week. Overall solid finances. I'm fine with suffering in silence, no addictions on alcohol or drugs, fine with nofap. Marriage is not in danger right now, just in the process of reorienting the dynamics. My weakness in the past is that I'm a typical nice guy. I've given gifts, helped out around the house, so on. I've become mission focused around improving myself besides just spending 100% of my time with my wife and kids. There is obvious pushback from the wife. I am picking up jiu jitsu, gave her a 4 hour warning about going. Before leaving there was a breakdown - my wife senses that something has changed and was panicked. I relented and chose not to go to jiu jitsu last night, and instead compare schedules with her and reassure her of our relationship and plans. Helped put down the kids. She understands there are changes and that I'll be going next time. Is the typical response when my wife has an ""emotional crisis"" to push through and do what I want still? I felt like there was burned bridge risk and trust at risk, but I'm uncertain if that's just my typical nice guy side talking. Are the consequences of going worse than staying and supporting? Interested to hear others thoughts. Similar question, my wife does not do laundry the way I like - the last few weeks I have done it ""the right way"" on weekends. What is the stance on this? Thanks.",,7,conditionallyinsane,2022-08-24 16:51:46 askMRP,wwp3ae,"I was given oneitis by my ex and only recently coming out of it, please advise.","She got me pretty bad, I even believed all the shit about her being mine that we said to one another during sex. Found out that she was texting her ex whilst we were on holiday together, and that she had dinner with him whilst we were together without telling me. Obviously we've split and I have an opportunity to leave the country, to travel and explore the world, live wherever I want basically. I could do with hearing from some people on the outside who can tell me how fucking crazy I am to still be thinking about her and the life we could have had.",,0,acuterix,2022-08-24 17:12:57 askMRP,wwkif8,How to handle the situation,"I’m looking for a starting point. I shared on my post yesterday that I upsettingly asked for a divorce and when I tried to double back she said it’s for the best. She said she needs until about February to move out. She starts her job next week. She’s been cordial and talkative and even helping out more with the house and kids. My question is as I’m working on myself, how do I navigate this situation with her. Do I ignore her attempts for small talk? Stop doing things together? I know I’m going to get killed for this but I’m genuinely asking.",,0,ComprehensiveLuck439,2022-08-24 14:07:26 askMRP,wvxyz1,I’m just a little bitch,"So I’ve been lurking for about a good year now. Started the sidebar then stopped. Went through hell and back with my wife and our marriage. It’s gotten to the point where I exploded a few days ago and said I wanted a divorce. She cries about it for a few days. We went on a date last night. Got home and I told her I didn’t really want a divorce but, now she says she thinks it’s for the best. What a blow to the ego. I feel like she has one up on me now. I didn’t beg and plead I just told her that was fine and it probably is for the best. We’re cordial right now. Came back to this community so I can get my shit together once and for all. I’m tired of being a beta bitch. Do I want to divorce? No. But, I know the shit I’ve been doing won’t keep me married for long. I’m at the point where need to change for my marriage or my new life as a divorcee. So no more lurking. Time to implement action and stop being a whiny beta bitch.",,1,ComprehensiveLuck439,2022-08-23 19:40:36 askMRP,wsemex,How to show wealth/status without seeming flashy?,"Moving to a new country with a lower cost of living. Believe it will be easier to pick up girls if they know I have a bit of money. How should I be thinking about demonstrating that I have cash, without being showey and attracting the wrong kind of attention?",,0,hansard2015,2022-08-19 13:54:21 askMRP,wq9dxd,Started off RP for 1.5 years - Then Reverted to BP - Can it be saved?,"Not married but it's an LTR and marriage is the direction that we both want it to head. I have been dating my gf for a little under 3 years. For the first 1.5 years I applied RP principles even though I'm not a true RP. I've wanted to be and was acting the part, but not following through with everything you guys said on here like lifting and making my appearance better. I turned BP after this first phase and did everything wrong as I stopped reading RP and reverted back to my BP ways and made all of the mistakes and now we are not in a good spot which will not be a surprise to any of you. During at least the first half of phase 1, I was: Reading Material On Here - Sidebar and lots of posts No Books Working Out (but not like I should have, just basic lifting I was a pussy about and didn't stick with) The fact I wasn't a true RP didn't matter to her though as I guess I was faking it enough as she tried to please me constantly and when I said no to things I know she wanted, she went along with it. She definitely viewed me as the prize for this first phase. We were really great for each other and had an amazing relationship during phase 1. Starting at about the 1.5 year point, I started getting lazy in applying these principles and I've also had a ton of stress related and bad shit happen in my life. I acted like a man baby / butt hurt when I started getting denied sex (Never happened once in phase 1). It was about this 1.5 year point that we started saying I love you to each other (We hadn't said it for a long time even though we truly cared about each other a lot and I'm sure she was afraid to say it first) I also didn't pass shit test when she got mad at me over some upsetting things I said to her. We hadn't fought or disagreed on anything during phase one but as we started talking about moving in together, there were some obstacles to overcome. I never really had a shit test in the first 1.5 years, or if she gave me them at the beginning, I passed them. I also had a panic attack / over-reacted (have never had one before in my life) in front of her about an incident that happened at her house involving her son and I acted just plain wierd. I have definitely been throwing off some red flags. I've also been doing covert contracts and not doing OI. Then recently she got upset with something I said, that really wasn't a big deal and she was definitely overreacting and I now realize it was a shit test. I didn't yell and get upset, but I didn't let it go when she said to stop talking about it and then we didn't talk much like we normally do. I didn't blow up and get totally butt hurt, but I definitely didn't take it in stride and ignore it and act like it didn't affect me like I should have. I failed this shit test. Sex went from amazing to slowly going downhill during phase 2 and I feel like we are at a low point right now (all the things you can guess that other people say on this topic about the good and the bad so I don't need to go into detail) I've realized I need to do a complete 180 and that there is a good chance I've permanently messed this up, but I'm wondering if I do truly turn it around, can it be saved. Ultimately I truly care about her and if we can make it work, it would be great for both of us, but I'm not obsessing about ""my life is over if this doesn't work"". I would just like it to work. I think she is at the point know where she is thinking ""WTF, have I been duped this whole time? Why is he acting like this and is this really going to make me happy? Is this the guy I want commitment from"". But just like me when I have had doubts, I imagine she looks at this like ""It was so good before and we have had so many good times, it's not time to cut my losses yet and see if we can turn this around"" allthough recently my behavior has possibly put serious doubts in her head. She still talks about future things we will be doing over the next few months so I definitely have time, but I'm wondering if this is most likely a lost cause or if I can right the ship? If I can right the ship, what is the best way to go about it? I obviously can't just become the guy I was in phase 1 overnight. Either way, I am going to apply RP principles and keep up on my reading here, and lifting and everything and my hope is that it saves the relationship and things can either get back to how they were before, or if that's impossible, at least get us back to a spot that is much better than the one we are in. I also realize that maybe it's a lost cause, but either way, my focus is bettering myself for this relationship, or the next one as ultimately I would like to find a good mother figure for my children and a hot sexy lady for myself as I'm much more of a one woman type guy than a plate spinner....allthough I'm not opposed to going through a phase of that. In summary, I've been faking RP stuff for a while...allthough well as it was working extremely well...fell back into BP habbits....but wondering if the relationship can be turned around or if its DOA b/c I have been outed even though she still wants us to date. Thanks in advance for any advice.",,0,rollermic,2022-08-16 23:43:07 askMRP,wlsea3,Starting off wrong?,"Married 11y together 14. 3 kids under 10 About 6 weeks ago wife (35) and I (34) had a serious argument that led to me realizing I was being a beta bitch. Been knee deep in reading ever since. I started with NMMNG before I had the chance to read that we don't talk about fight club. In NMMNG I found I was using sex for validation and led to bad sex. My dumb ass.... I talked to my wife told let her from now on, I don't want her to do anything she doesn't want herself. No sex especially right then. We took 2 weeks off of sex and no initiations from me. When that ended we had damn good sex once. I performed better than normal and lead her to what I want. She has been distant ever since then. She said it's not normal for me to 1. not be all over her. 2. to last that long after a 2 wk dry spell. 3. not negotiating for sex after 4 days. Since then we've had bad sex twice and I've told her I don't want that. It feels forced and it sucks. Again another red flag from me. She thinks or has entertained the idea that I already have or am trying to fuck someone else. At the gym or at work. Other than reading/ listening to sidebar and books I've gone to the gym more often was going 1 to 3 now going minimum of 3. I told her I wanted to take all the bills over because I've been a piece of shit and not involved. And I started doing more around the house. My house, My responsibility. Right now our relationship is the worst it's ever been and it's like she wants me back in my beta box. I know up until now most of our problems are my fault. When I'm trying to fix me I'm met with hostility, mistrust, and her walls are all the way up. I've passed several shit tests but failed more im sure. Tuesday we had the day off together and planned to spend it together hanging out in our pool and having a few beers. She decided to do some yard work that I wasn't interested in right then so, I told her I'd rather not. She continued doing it so I went and did my own thing. When she gets done and comes inside she starts badgering me about what's wrong. I told her how I didn't want to so I didn't do it. Ruined the whole fucking day. Some things are different positively, she has slept with her head on my chest without me asking. This is something that I like because it puts me to sleep. She normally complains it hurts her shoulder. I'm aware and trying not to go Rambo. I haven't told her she is wrong at all. All I've done is own up to my bullshit and work on it. I still need a mission and to establish frame. At this point I really don't want a divorce and I'm trying to kill the oneitis. If divorce is what needs to happen I'll cross that bridge when I get there but I haven't prepped at all. Is this too much Rambo or am I par for the course?",,17,RPturtle,2022-08-11 14:12:30 askMRP,wjfmy2,Can’t shake the anger,"Hi all. Longtime lurker. Burner account because my laptop at home probably would ping with responses. For the past 9 months, been trying to stick to the RP as much as possible. Read NMMNG, WISNIFG, MMSLP and the sidebar generally. 32m, wife 29, married 5 years together 10. Discovered this sub through deadbedroom. 165lb, 5’7, bench 225, squat 185. College athlete so generally lean and do a lot of running as well and have been lifting for years. Career beta. Make great money as an engineer. Around month 3, I started seeing some success with sex. More frequency, around 10 times a month. Wife way more into it than ever, dirty talk, generally all the things I like. I don’t know if I eased up or what the problem is, it doesn’t feel like I did, but the last 3 months have been absolutely insane regression. Back to twice a month sex. This is all to say, because I’m such a pussy and seek one of woman’s validation, after another dry month, I check her phone to discover she’s been watching porn. After being told basically all month she hasn’t been in the mood, needs to feel loved bla bla bla. I absolutely cannot fucking shake the anger. I’m fuming like a bitch for the past 3 days now. So much so that my STFU has been absolute Rambo and been mentioned. I’ve resisted the urge but should I keep the discovery to myself? I can only imagine bringing it up would make me seem like such butthurt loser but at this point I’m at a loss. Aside from the general advice that I need to shake the covert contract, and get out of her frame, any advice on next steps would be appreciated.",,11,[deleted],2022-08-08 18:03:18 askMRP,wifpi5,How do you punish bad behavior without seeming butthurt?,"Hey (23M) with a (24F) who was showing super high interest. She text me everyday and cooks for me. She is a great person and I plan on getting into a LTR with her until recently. She told me prior to the weekend that her sister in law was coming down to hang out. Then said she wasn’t so I planned something for Saturday. It was a all day thing and I had 3 reservations. Later that Friday she said her SIL was now coming and she couldn’t hang Saturday but she will be gone by Sunday so we can hang out Sunday. I canceled all Reservations and made other plans. Saturday morning I check her IG (via finsta) and see that see actually was hanging out with friends. She tagged her friends so I went on a journey watching their stories. They went to a nightclub and in multiple stories I seen her turning dudes away/ignoring. (She like a 8/10 so it makes sense why hella dudes approach her.) Saturday night she tells me that she will be free Sunday and I made plans to pull up to her on that day. I didn’t make reservations and was gonna make her cook for me or buy me food instead for canceling on me but… She sent me a message at 1 in the morning saying “sigh…” but I was sleep so I didn’t see it. Now this morning I’m sitting her knowing she probably gonna cancel on me twice in a row. How do I punish bad behavior without seeming butthurt about it? I don’t wanna make it seem like I’m mad but I do want her to understand not to do that shit to me. How do I go about it?",,19,Middle_Path_4710,2022-08-07 13:25:36 askMRP,wg1ypj,"Wife puts out anytime I ask, but it’s always starfish","I lost the password to my previous account. I made this post roughly 70 days ago: https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/uyu47r/what_can_i_do_to_get_special_sex_acts_from_my_wife/ Anytime I initiate my wife is willing to fuck, she makes it clear that she doesn‘t really want to but that she will. I‘ll go for it and she‘ll respond with „I guess we can“ or „that‘s fine“ or „okay“ and then she‘ll be motionless and refuse to make eye-contact throughout the whole encounter and will complain if I try anything other than missionary or doggy or if I‘m too aggressive for her, then after I finish she‘ll storm off to the bathroom and sit in there for 90 minutes to avoid me. This has happened for years. I fuck her about 5x a week and she is always willing. I do lift and have (on-and-off) for the past 11 years. I was varsity weightlifting in highschool and never dropped the sport. I‘m in-shape but not shredded, probably about 15% bodyfat. I don‘t dress as well as I could (so I dress badly) as I cannot afford a new wardrobe. I make minimum wage and my wife has always made more than me. I take part in over half of the housechores. I‘m confident. I take my wife out on experience-related dates pretty much every weekend. I have read the sidebar, and several books, including the Sex God Method. I understand that money wouldn’t turn my wife on, but not having it could result in negative emotional currency/bad anxiety, aside from that, what else am I doing wrong? I personally think my wife has an inability to say no to me. The times when she did in the past I played my „mean card“ and withdrew affection/attention/pouted about it and she has concluded that she‘d rather suffer through frequent sex she doesn’t actually want than not get any attention/affection from her husband. Yes, I mistakenly went from 0 to 100 with this in the past. I think she just resents sex with me altogether and can‘t say no now. There‘s no enthusiasm, and no passion, it‘s completely a duty for her. Looking for some direction.",,126,yourmomistighter,2022-08-04 13:58:53 askMRP,wdxlrq,Need advice I guess.,"- Historical context 190cm height, BMI ~18 for majority of my life, now finally got it to 24-25 and gaining some actual upper body muscle. Has never been a lifter as had trouble gaining weight. Instead have historically done running, cycling, and martial arts. Additionally have an improperly healed scapular fracture that makes one shoulder joint prone to dislocation under stress. As a child was autistic as fuck, over the years gradually adapted and now pass for a normal human being. In the early 2000's stumbled my way into PUA, which helped me standardize human interactions and make myself more attractive to women. Bumblefucked my way through several relationships, got married, fast forward a decade and one child later to today. ------------------------------------------------- - Recent days Just started lifting, currently doing 100x 10kg each hand. Doing push ups and sit ups, *I want defined pecks, biceps, triceps area, and a defined 6-pack*, don't really have a lifting or a BMI goal, will tune those as required. Any advice here is welcome, as I have zero lifting exp. Reading the Rational Male, confirming a lot of my personal theories, discovering some new things and techniques. It's amusing how many things I've stumbled onto completely by accident. Found out that my current approach is called direct as I simply approach women and indicate my interest. I've maximized my chances by learning how to write poetry. The amount of ego boost a poem gives a girl doesn't compare to anything else. I've decided to start practicing writing poems again. Rebuilding my frame feels fantastic. I feel great. Every day I go on runs or bike rides with my kid, lift and exercise in the evening and completely ignore my wife. ------------------------------------------------- - Yesterday Yesterday I ended up taking a hard long look at my SO, and I'm not liking what I'm seeing. Every red flag from the Rational Male is up, my autistic quirks from the worst of times look like a walk in the park compared to her untapped mountain of mental health issues that she's either blamed on me or on circumstances over the years, instead of taking responsibility and working on them. I just can't let it slide anymore. Ironically, she's starting to realize that now that she's gone full celibate (due to another bunch of mental hangups), she has literally nothing to offer to me, and she's freaking out about it. Even if she starts working on her issues right now, the best case scenario is I get shitty starfish sex, from a person who is deathly afraid of losing me, but also is deathly afraid of having sex. I'd honestly feel better if I knew she was cheating on me, and actually enjoying sex with someone else. This is so fucking pathetic. At this point all I have is pity for her, and last time I checked pity was a poor foundation for a relationship. I am not a charity or an old folks home for retired pussy. How do I verbalize this to her in a less offensive way? Installed a dating app that same evening and the amount of available attractive women is staggering. I'm under the impression that the second I leave I'll be swimming in assorted cooch by the end of the week. Which leaves the two key issues: 1. I love my kid to bits and I need guidance on how to run this split as amicably as possible, whilst maintaining my parental access. Are there resources for this? 2. My credo in life is that smart people have a duty to have as many kids as possible so as to not be outbred by idiots. I consider myself a smart person, but the idea of marrying again for the purpose of having kids seems suboptimal, putting it very mildly. How do I spread my seed with maximum effect? Are there resources on this? Are there apps for barebacking with built-in STD/STI screens? Knock-me-up apps? What am I missing?",,0,Burn_Rens,2022-08-02 00:48:41 askMRP,wbbe9y,So. I made a thing some people might find useful. Is this the right place for it?,"**Why here?** Because RP knowledge is applicable beyond merely wife/girlfriend. It is literally reading the matrix (or in my head, the metadata) of social interactions. There will be guys on the MRP forum who are dads of daughters in this scenario. In fact this is likely the *only* place such guys will gather. Dads who aren't redpilled will not be interested. Redpill guys with no kids will not be interested. If there is a better place for this, (does r/redpilldads exist?) I'm all ears. Mods please point me in the right direction - genuine MRP question: is this the right place for this sort of thing? **Background**: My eldest daughter, now at university, is beginning to display mild feminist tendencies. I have yet to see a boyfriend (or girlfriend) myself, but was worried she'd fall prey to hookup culture. AFAIK she hasn't yet. So I have resolved to try to give her the knowledge to help avoid that trap. She's clever, knowledgeable, scientifically literate and articulate, so if I was to win any arguments (soft-feminist, remember) I needed to prepare. I made some notes so that I had everything straight in my head. Then I drew a few diagrams, so that I would be able to draw those same diagrams again in front of her if I needed to. I'm still grinding through the sidebar (probably about halfway) and I realised I had to go in to depth. the notes grew and grew. Eventually I ended up with the presentation attached (no, I have not ""given a presentation"" to my daughter!). I anticipate delivering this knowledge in chunks, as the opportunity presents itself. Yes, I know I should have set a good enough example of positive masculinity that this scenario didn't arise. But I'm not there yet, I haven't internalised nearly enough and I'm out of time if I am to guide her life choices. A contingency plan is needed. Having a cringe-inducing dad-chat, or series of them, is the only option I see. But even though I'm only part of the way through the sidebar I am beginning to see benefits. No, I haven't done an OYS yet: I have a lot more reading to do. The application of RP knowledge is good stuff, and I am tremendously thankful for it - to the authors of the books and the contributors to these fora. So, having tried to apply that knowledge in my own life by writing these notes (and given them a bit of a polish once I thought I might put them here), if there are any others like me out there who think this would be useful - feel free to use. Also if I have missed anything, or got anything wrong, I'm keen to hear it. Constructive criticism is welcome. I can always start another set of notes... [A — Postimages (postimg.cc)](https://postimg.cc/ykZfD3fY) [B — Postimages (postimg.cc)](https://postimg.cc/QBXSY4jH) [C — Postimages (postimg.cc)](https://postimg.cc/N9n4MQmH) [D — Postimages (postimg.cc)](https://postimg.cc/FfDpMyKG) [E — Postimages (postimg.cc)](https://postimg.cc/YvNb3KK5) [F — Postimages (postimg.cc)](https://postimg.cc/V5Npk6Qd) [G — Postimages (postimg.cc)](https://postimg.cc/gLwgqxms) [H — Postimages (postimg.cc)](https://postimg.cc/DS3xLfDQ) [I — Postimages (postimg.cc)](https://postimg.cc/qhqw4Nhr) [J — Postimages (postimg.cc)](https://postimg.cc/0KJCKh0H) [K — Postimages (postimg.cc)](https://postimg.cc/BtdpfQqW) [L — Postimages (postimg.cc)](https://postimg.cc/vD1hK6wL) [M — Postimages (postimg.cc)](https://postimg.cc/sv7cjdXM) [N — Postimages (postimg.cc)](https://postimg.cc/gxpKrSXN) [O — Postimages (postimg.cc)](https://postimg.cc/18KrFGDP) PS: if anyone wants to offer comment and criticism I am of course open to it - but please make sure you have at least read page A. I have necessarily had to do a lot of generalisation.",,7,SaltyGeekyLifter,2022-07-29 17:57:48 askMRP,w89xio,Journaling habits,"Reading OYS posts, I recognize there is value in journaling about stuff I need to process, stuff I need to work on, and overcome. Which journaling format do other MRP plebs use? Digital, or paper? Typed or written? Written allows for better flow of thought, but typed can allow for better review and document control. Edit: so which do you choose, and why? (And yes, choosing something is better than nothing)",,3,5ive_Rivers,2022-07-26 04:18:34 askMRP,w2vtkq,"Living with separated wife - emotionless, but mixed messages","29 years old, married 4 years, 2 kids. 5'10"", 180lbs, don't know bf % but it's somewhere north of 15. Read NMMNG. Lift 3x a week. 110kg bench, 145kg squat, 200kg deadlift (3x5) Wife said she wanted a divorce just over a week ago. It was in response to me saying I think our son is insecurely attached to her, after she left him crying for her in favour of going to help a friend with her CV. She's threatened it before, so I did the usual routine of distancing myself, withholding attention. The weird thing was that we took a holiday in this time. Everything felt normal except she made a comment about me being 30 and single when our son asked whose birthday was next. On the last night she came to tell me that although she had said she was going to take the kids to her sister's, she was not going to do that any longer and come back home. But her family had been made aware of her decision to divorce me. At home I said nothing to her that wasn't strictly necessary. Took the kids out as normal, sometimes with my dad or my mother. One night we had the talk, about how she wanted to split amicably, how there was no animosity. It was very cold and pragmatic. The only emotion I saw from her is when I said I did not plan to sell the house, but I would keep it for myself and buy her out (I could afford to while she couldn't). I came home yesterday to find a note written out on the desk, which contained the appointment for a lawyer visit. She went grocery shopping and came back with a treat for me because she 'meant what she said about there being no animosity'. And she just invited me to spend Saturday with her sister's family at the park. I see here a lot that if a woman wants to divorce you, she's had it planned long in advance and she would simply serve you the papers and be gone. So why the change of plans about moving out, the notes left out to see, the gifts and the invitations? I should add that although I do not want the divorce, I have not attempted to change her mind at all. I've been implementing the divorce busting 101 rules, and keeping my distance other than necessary communication to do with the kids. I'm admitting straight up that I'm clueless, and I'm asking for insight.",,21,justfuggmyshidup,2022-07-19 15:43:39 askMRP,w01qpa,I need advice too,"Hi, I've been in an LTR for 7 years and I can't tell if it's going the way it should. I've been seeing some red flags. Like sometimes she doesn't answer my calls for a few weeks. And on a few occasions when I want to Facetime she won't do it, always saying her makeup doesn't look good or something. I get it, women want to look good for their men. We were supposed to move in together in my state, but at the last minute she said her allergies would flare up here. WTF? She's got a lot of good things going on. She's subserviant. She likes Marjorie Taylor Green. Everytime she visits me she always leaves my apartment cleaner than when she arrived. Plus, she is a pretty good cook. But holy christ, jesus jumped, the blatant disrespect I deal with is just too much. Her family loves me and they're rooting for me. But it's like she doesn't understand what a good thing she has. It's got me so up in arms that I've been talking to this girl on Tinder for a couple months, and she's visiting Miami where I live at the end of the month. We're planning to get together but I keep thinking of my mean girlfriend and how much she's been hurting my feelings lately. So I'm torn: do I fuck around with an easy thing or make things work with my fiance? What do you think I should do? Everytime I propose to her or tell her I want to take things further, she just gets distracted and says she's got a call or something to do. I don't know. It feels forced. Can you give me some guidance? I'm afraid I'll do something stupid and my mother keeps telling me not to blow it.",,26,johneyapocalypse,2022-07-15 23:04:17 askMRP,vvjs00,advice,"I have had a rough year with my marriage. We've been married 11 years and been together for 14 years. One thing I have prided myself on in our relationship is honesty. In 14 years good or bad we've been honest, brutally honest and it's been welcomed. I've never been upset at her for telling the truth about anything. With that said in May of 2021 I hung out with a new female friend of hers (full disclosure, we moved to a new city during the pandemic, first chance to meet new people) That night she started acting strange, wife literally acted like it was taboo for me and her new friend to talk while my wife was in the bathroom. Wife went to bathroom and when she came back I was talking to friend and she said ""should I come back""? Now my wife would never do this. She'd tell us to get over ourselves and move on. Ever since that day I've noticed little white lies. So fucking little I just can't understand. (For instance, wife says on a phone call ""we are doing this And this and this"" but she told me she's alone to start conversation. Naturally, who the fuck is we? Oh **** is shopping with me. Asked her why she intentionally made it sound like she was alone and she said it's because I get upset when they hang out. The only reason I have an issue is because she started lying after spending time with this friend. The lies continued from there and everytime I reacted I was blamed for not liking her new friend. The crescendo for me was 2 weeks ago I knew (without her knowledge) that she had taken nsfw videos of herself in April 2022 and I asked her to send me anything that I didn't have. She claimed she hadn't taken any new videos since December of last year. When I looked at her phone it was obvious it was deleted and the worst part was she deleted it after I asked (i inquired in the morning) and claimed she hadn't filmed anything at all. After an incredible blow out I find mrp and realize I suck as a husband and should be better. I have implemented stfu, I already go to a gym and eat well. I'm overweight but this is a focus. Why would my wife make these little lies after 13 years of honest marriage and why does she lie about shit that doesn't matter. Had I asked for new pics of her and she said ""I made one but deleted it because I didn't want you to see it"" I would've been 100% ok. Had happened in the past and i respected her 100%. But no I was lied for literally no reason. Only since this new friend had she started lying. Rambling I'm sure, but I'd appreciate someone else's perspective on the new found dishonesty. To note, I hold myself accountable for not being a better man. And have actively started the basic principles of nmmng.",,19,Svakora,2022-07-10 04:45:53 askMRP,vnlkx5,Confronting Black and White Thinking,"Superficially home life is relatively stable and peaceful as divorce looms over us. Wife keeps pressuring me on [terms](https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/vm0chs/advice_with_wifes_ridiculous_terms/), which by and of themselves speak volumes about her relationship with me. I halfway suspect this is another bluff, but fuck, if I call it like I did with her passport ultimatum, she stands to lose bigly. Black and white thinking and the inability to see degrees of possibility is a re-current and debilitating theme in our marriage. Some examples of this binary thinking and absolute need to status-signal include: * $40K wedding / no wedding, only small reception with immediate family * Newly built home representing 50% of our net income / no house (???) * $2K bday party for our 3 yr. old / no bday party with daughter's friends * $35K+ brand new electric car / no car * Full custody of child / zero custody and involvement Being under divorce has taught me to just make a decision in spite of her and to not be paralyzed to inaction. The optimal solution is rarely any of her absolute/black-white options she throws out. Prime example is the car I purchased after entering into divorce. Once divorce was entered, I traded in my truck and bought a gem of a used Outback the very next day. She talked shit about the interior when she first saw it, but begrudgingly admitted that I made a good purchase after all. How do I confront this line of thinking on things that require her involvement or input?",,4,cryptus-maximus,2022-06-29 17:42:34 askMRP,vl3k39,Does anyone here have a chronic condition?,"Does anyone here have a chronic condition that affects them mentally? If so, how do you deal with it such that you can stay as the oak and Captain of the ship? I was born with congenital hypothyroidism and while I try my best to keep myself in check, especially mentally and emotionally, during the troughs in respect to my health condition I am emotionally all over the place and I become so weak and struggle to keep my head above the waters and staying balanced. This condition is known to cause mood swings and I do engage in a lot of meditation, etc. The only issue is that in a lot of times, these mood swings or extreme bouts of depression/anxiety catch me off-guard and I tend to notice this a little too late after possibly having caused some level of damage to my relationship. If anyone has a similar life experience and has figured something out in their life, then please feel free to share it. At the moment all I end up doing is withdrawing and closing myself off and staying in my head until I sort myself out or get through the storm. But I know this is unhealthy. Thanks in advance",,9,Asianed1994,2022-06-26 12:21:23 askMRP,vix9p7,Helpful or unhelpful to talk with partner about female psychology,"My wife and I love to talk psychology. That said, I’ve kept what I’ve learned about female thinking in terms of anything redpill etc. out of conversation. My intuition is that it may actually help her be aware of herself if we’re discussing it in friendly conversation. But I think I’ve heard that it’s best to not “talk about fight club”. I don’t see it helpful to tell her “all about redpill”—just to discuss some of the aspects of female psychology. Bad idea? Or could that actually prove fruitful in some way? Part of me thinks that my motivation would only be that she might “change” by understanding better. So, perhaps it’s a way for me to avoid my MAP. Again, just thinking out loud here.",,9,Visual_Pack_2206,2022-06-23 13:43:25 askMRP,ve9yq0,"Helpless Initiations, Feeling Stuck","I'm feeling very stuck with my initiations and I am looking for some advice, apologies for the incoming victim puke. Sex has been pretty poor for around the 7/8 months we've been back together, my suspected explanation for this is in my latest OYS. We haven't had sex in almost 2 weeks, since then I've been pretty good with OI and dealing with rejections, until this morning I initiated by stroking her leg and slowly moving my hand up while she was asleep, she seemed into it, so I started slowly rubbing her clit for a few minutes, she then rolled over and went back to sleep. About 30 minutes later she went to the toilet and came back with a look on her face as if to say, I know we haven't had sex in a while, let’s try again. This time I’m a lot more forceful, and start biting her nipples, she definitely seemed into that, then I moved down and tried to go down on her but she stopped me and looked frustrated. Obviously, I’m fucking frustrated at this point, can I really be being that much of a retard that my GF feels the need to stop? I said that I presume that she wants me to stop, and ask her to talk about it, but she says she doesn’t know what to say. I try to AM/AA the situation but deep down I am hurt and feeling insecure, I said ‘I don’t get it, normally girls would jump at the chance but you act like I’ve got one eye.. short pause.. I do have two eyes right? With a smile. This made her laugh and lightened the mood, but I was still hurt and pissed off. The conversation continues and she explains that the first initiation was just boring it felt like I was rubbing her for 20 minutes with no escalation, and then she was annoyed that I’d woke her up. The second time she said it was too full on. As much as I appreciated the honesty, it was a severe blow to my ego; all STFU strategy went out the window. Our son woke up and I was close to exploding as there was zero chance of anything happening now. I felt humiliated and embarrassed and just fucking helpless. How can I initiate smoothly and confidently with a girlfriend that doesn’t want to fuck me I thought, how do I break this cycle? After an unfortunate 15-minute burst of anger and frustration beating the fuck out of the air in another room, I came back in to continue to DEER like my life depended on it. I said I was sorry for being like that but I just feel frustrated, and that I know what I need to do, I just have lost confidence cause I’m being shot down all the time so I just end up with this awkward initiation where I’m seeing if it’s reciprocated before going further. She was very honest and said it’s frustrating for me too, I don’t want to have to walk you through everything that I like and want you to do. And that her sexual interest has plummeted from loads of poor initiations, especially when I was initiating multiple times a day. As hard as this was to hear, she’s not wrong. She also said you need to stop being so horrible to yourself and put your ego to one side (I was loosely berating myself when I lost my shit ‘what the fuck is wrong with you bla bla’, 'you fucking idiot'). She said to imagine that someone is saying those things to your younger self, how that little boy would feel, that’s what you’re doing to yourself. This hit me hard emotionally cause she hit the nail on the head, I felt so upset at myself and I just started crying, I tried my best to hide it but I couldn’t. GF was very comforting, I said I wasn't crying, I just have hayfever, with a knowing smile of course. Anyway, you get the point. I don’t know how to break the fucking cycle, when a girl is sexually responsive to me it’s easy. But that’s the problem; I have relied on visual desire for most of my dating life to compensate for my lack of game. Only when I can see that a woman is undeniably into me, do I present any form of game, cause I don't give a fuck at that point and I have them where I want them, I am safe, so I can be a cocky bastard. I began scouring MRP for solutions, and I came across [this post from A\_Rex](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/5ttgz3/married_game_if_youre_not_flirting_withgaming/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf). Low and behold, it’s the same issue I’m having. On paper everything about me is attractive, but my girlfriend still doesn’t want to fuck. INTERNALLY I am often weak and broken (low self-esteem), and I have ZERO game most of the time. I rarely flirt with my girlfriend anymore, I don’t know how to anymore due to fear of rejection. I used to tease her relentlessly, purposefully wind her up for my enjoyment, and play fight. This has all gone, so maybe this is where I need to start. Focus on learning how to game my girlfriend, and being fun again. And accept the fact I’m probably going to be a retard about it for a few months while I experiment. Any thoughts and feedback would be greatly appreciated, maybe I'm missing something.",,9,AcuminateMind,2022-06-17 10:23:34 askMRP,vcvw43,GF's parents suddenly on the offensive about marrying and adopting her son,"**Stats** Me: Late 30s | 5'10"" 195 lbs | DL 405x5, SQ 315x5, OHP 140x5, BP 195x5 GF: Mid 30s | DL 45x1, SQ 45x1, BP 45x1, OHP 45x1 **Reading** Truly, I've read every book in the sidebar at least once. I came across the list 5-6 years ago and have made massive improvements. To put it simply I've had to overcome being a massive covert contractor, and a lot of gross manipulation and butthurtness to untangle. STFU has become my mantra, to great success. In recent years I've gravitated towards the more philosophical style books, for example my current book is ""The Courage to Be Unliked"" and recently finished ""Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance"". Those seem to point more deeply and accurately to the _core_ of my issues compared to say NNMNG or MAP. **A Story as Old as Time** 10 years ago I was effectively Beta Bux'd by a single mom with a young son. I was recently divorced from a cheater and latched onto the first pretty face that came my way. There was an ""oops"" with taking birth control and we soon had a son together. Heard this one before? I knew I was wronged, so while my eye condition usually prevents me from seeing red and yellow flags, I hesitated against my instincts to marry, adopt her son, and ""man up"" to make this a real family. This hesitation was because of a bunch of little lies and acts of disrespect I began noticing. We had (and still have) a very passionate relationship with frequent enthusiastic sex, but little lies, manipulations, and silent treatments gave me pause just long enough to find my way to this subreddit. That hesitation, and not marrying nor adopting her son, was possibly the smartest thing I've ever done. The **Second Story as Old as Time** would be for me to marry and adopt. Then for whatever reason she decides she is leaving, and I'm stuck paying alimony and child support for a kid who is not mine. I have somehow miraculously avoided this. **SITREP** I like my kids home with mom instead of day care, so I've been supporting them solely all this time. We have a nice house in one of the nicest areas of our state, good schools, good vehicles, and I take care of all the shit in and around the house. Being a stay at home mom is not easy, but she really doesn't have any obligations besides tending to the kids and cleaning up after herself. Some of you may know the massive pressure and strain being a single income dad can be, but it's a labor of love for me. This, of course, includes her (not our son), and when things like $7K USD of dental work are needed for him, that's on me. I take him fishing, camping, he helps me around the house, we cook and have a great time, do electronics and computer programming, play guitar and drums, really we're buds. I would say I treat her son like one of my own most of the time, the best I can, but he doesn't call me Dad and has a different last name. With young kids sometimes things are uncomfortable, especially around father's day where there's a lot of ""Dad"" stuff. Very often people refer to me as ""his dad"" without knowing, which is fine and expected. GF's parents insist on him calling me dad which is not fine, and I've had to point this out several times which causes massive tension. Kids are active in sports and doing well in school. We have a fantastic social group in our neigborhood, and things are generally going pretty well for them. Between the two of us, there are many times where it's kind of tense and quiet. Usually due to me pointing out something unsafe or unhealthy she's doing with the kids. For example, came home from work yesterday to the kids sitting around a wall outlet trying to stick a shiny gum wrapper into the socket while she was on the other side of the house scrolling Facebook on her phone. I pointed this out pretty strongly, which enqueued a long list of excuses and an awkward tension the rest of the night. I'm pretty good at resetting each day, but stuff like this happens all the time. Really, all the time. **Yesterday** GF's mom was over hanging out, I was installing an outdoor sink, and something came up about father's day and the older boy got very sad. Not calling anyone ""dad"" and having a different last name got to him. This triggered grandma and she came at me guns a-blazin'. Basically calling it bullshit and to ""man"" up and marry / adopt. I calmly asserted my position that we have not decided to let him call me dad, as I am in fact not his biological or legal dad. ""You are his dad whether you like it or not."" ""You've been his dad for 10 years."" ""Man up."" ""Do the right thing."" I calmly deployed the broken record strategy, which ended with her getting in the car and storming off home. Nothing like this has ever remotely happened, our relationship has been very warm and comfortable, besides the layer of disagreement about marrying / adoption / ""dad"". Later her husband, my kids' grandpa, called me saying things like ""things aren't okay"" and ""you need to come over so we can talk about what your steps are"" and ""it's time to make things right"". He insisted, which I appreciated, discussing in person and not over the phone. I agreed to hear him out in person and discuss, which I think was the right choice here. GF won't be at the table in this case, I'm going solo. I think I've made it clear in this post that I have no intention of marrying nor adopting at this point. If not, I will assert now that that is the case. However, this situation has really upended me, and I'm stuck ruminating over the conversation. Slept like shit, workout was trash, I can't focus as work, and I'm having a hard time meditating or getting it out of my head. I'm not sure what their strategy in the conversation will be. I suppose they could try to convince me, manipulate me, bully me, or play good cop bad cop. I can't seem to find the foundation of a strategy so I keep ruminating. I am not going to trash talk their daughter in front of them of course, and probably shouldn't use words like ""child support"" nor ""alimony"". I don't think I can broken record or fog my way out of this conversation. I do worry I'll start getting pissed off if they start with the ""be a man"" talk, as I wouldn't be posting here if I was an enlightened buddha. I've made great strides creating a frame in my relationship, and that frame works well in other situations like work and out socially, but that frame doesn't feel like it fits here. I don't worry about being manipulated into agreeing something I'm not comfortable with, I've read WISNIFG enough times to have at least a few strategies. But I feel like I'm not getting out of this conversation until I provide real, concrete reasons why I won't marry / adopt. And of course this is not a list I'm willing to rattle off, since it would be negative aspect of their daughter, and I don't see any good coming from that. I'll take any advice you have. I figure broken record is my best strategy here, but I'm not sure what I'm being a broken record about. I know my answer is ""because there are red and yellow flags I can't ignore, and I'm not paying child support for another man's kid"", but I don't know how to phrase that to the girl's parents. I also don't feel like I can fog, negative inquiry, and ultimately deflect and leave the conversation with things unanswered. Thank you for reading.",,12,StanisBot,2022-06-15 14:33:01 askMRP,vah4c7,Absolute Mess,"I'm struggling with actioning the sidebar information. Lots of unattractive qualities and I find myself losing track or reverting to old habits without realizing. Does anyone have a good method for keeping on top of it all? For example. I have a lifetime of poor social skills. Terrible with women, but also guys and making friends. My experience is that people don’t listen when I talk, they aren’t blowing up my phone to hang out, jokes are met with awkward silence and I’m the butt of jokes that make me butt hurt. I understand why, i'm a textbook loser. Finding information on the fixes is easy. So I fix the diet, and start a lifting program 4 days per week. I focus on STFU because people probably aren’t listening because what I have to say isn’t worth listening to. It doesn’t stop me being a target at work, with people fishing for comments so they can laugh or make fun of me. I look at fogging, negative inquiry and assertion, broken record. Have some success, but find myself ruminating about the 99% which are failures. Why do I care so much anyway? I read NMMNG, realise how utterly pathetic I’ve always been and about my deep desire for validation - and that’s just the tip of the ice berg. I join a BJJ gym but still feel like an outcast. Each day I find myself working overtime in every interaction, thinking about eye contact/body language/stfu/fogging/smile/what do they want to talk about/repeat their name/relax/try to be confident/stand tall/not too much eye contact. You get the point, it’s a total fucking mess. The only thing I find consistent progress and success with is lifting and diet. In terms of a solution, my thinking is to break things down into my biggest weaknesses or areas that will net the biggest improvement, and chip away. Lift (stick to the program) Diet STFU (in regards to feelings or anything negative) Eye contact Smile Have some wins with these things over the next week and then maybe add something else next week. People talk like not being shit socially is easy. For most maybe, because they learned the skills growing up and used to be fit, fun and fuck. Not the case for me, advice like ""pick up a hobby"" isn't enough on its own to undo the awkwardness. It's going to take me a lot of time and effort to undo this shit. Any advice beyond rereading NMMNG, WISNIFG, HTWFAIP (i'm rereading all three) would help a lot.",,13,GermanSatay,2022-06-12 07:55:39 askMRP,v5zplx,When should you actually get into a LTR?,"I'm in my early 20's. Met TRP, improved myself for a few years, now for the first time in my life I get some female attention and I've been dating around a bit. Thing is, every time after a few months of dating a girl she gets feelings and me sleeping around becomes a problem for her. Usually I really like them (or else I wouldn't be seeing her for so long) and maybe getting serious is fun and an opening for adventures but I also like my freedom and flirting with women, even though I'm not some sort of ""big Chad"". I feel like 99% of the people around me would have said ""if you like her and there are no red flags then go for it, why not"", almost like I'm some sort of an outcast in my way of thinking. Really been doubting lately, and as married men I would love to hear some insight about if or when should I get into an exclusive LTR with a girl I really like, even in the price of leaving my humble single life behind. Thank you.",,16,mrmonbant,2022-06-06 10:16:39 askMRP,v1xt4c,Demonstrating Anger,"I was originally going to post this to my [OYS](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/v1ljwh/comment/iap48gt/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3). However, I'm 2 for 6 for catching bans on them and didn't want to risk another Rule 9: I need some advice on something that happened last weekend. I went camping. The weather was supposed to be cold and rainy all weekend. On Saturday morning, I had to take my son home. I told my wife and son the night before I wanted to leave early so ""I was back during the nicest part of the day"". I didn't explicitly say, but there was no misunderstanding, the reason was to be back when it was nice to take an ATV ride. I got a little bit of a late start, left around noon, and got back around 2. Still plenty of time for an ATV ride. When I got back, my wife, our friends ([her friends](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/urhu27/comment/i93oag6/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)), and her ATV were gone. They got back an hour and 15 minutes later. I was beyond butthurt. I was pissed. I considered packing up and leaving. When she got in, I told her I was pissed. I also told her that I must not have made myself clear the night before about planning to take an ATV ride (again, there was no misunderstanding). She apologized (a minor miracle). Then I dropped it. If nothing else, I would consider dropping it a win. Normally, I would have acted butthurt the rest of the day. How did I handle this? How could I have handled it better?",,7,OCBOA704,2022-05-31 19:21:58 askMRP,v0q2ng,Question / Field Report on STFU,"Hey what's happening. 5'11, 204, 14% BF Bench 175 x 7, Squat 255x7, Row 185 x 7 OHP 100 x 7 I've been following the subreddit for a while, quietly reading the sidebar and applying as best I can but now I know I need to go all the way with this, what I've been doing hasn't been enough. Just got into a fight with my LTR. Well it started going that way for a second but I caught it and stopped. She said some nasty stuff to me and was basically being withdrawn and withholding. She's super nitpicky about everything and I was getting sucked into it. I started to go into DEER and I started getting angry and worked up, but I caught myself in my anger and stopped and then I left to go out by myself and cool down. My car's being fixed so I took hers, which is normally fine. We take each other's cars all the time daily. Never a big deal. She called me while I was out, demanded to know where I was, tried ranting at me, and told her ""I'm eating. I'll see you when I get home."" Very calmly. And I held on the line for a minute, then repeated myself and hung up. She called a second time 30 minutes later, I said, ""I'm still out, I'll see you when I get home."" When I got home, she gave me the silent treatment so I went downstairs and was watching a Personal Development video on YouTube on the TV. She came downstairs and started ranting at me about what my problem was and why did I leave and take her car. She tried framing it like I was irrational for being angry, when she's the one that initially started being cold, shitty, and withdrawing. I held my frame and said, ""I'll talk to you but I'm not arguing."" She didn't like that so she started throwing out that I ""stole"" her car, which I obviously didn't. I repeated again, ""I'm not arguing, I'm not having this conversation if you're going to spew at me, and you're not saying I 'stole' your car. I'll talk if you can be calm."" She stormed upstairs and tried making a veiled threat of a breakup, ""You're going to need to figure something out!!!!"" I didn't respond or chase at all and started watching my video again. A few minutes later, she storms downstairs again, ""What do you have to say to me?! Why aren't you talking?!"" I said, ""I'm fine, I'm willing to talk but I'm not doing it while you're spewing at me and I'm not arguing."" ""Don't you have anything to say to me?"" I repeat myself again. She storms back upstairs. I calmly (eerily calmly for me) go into my office to start posting this field report, she comes in the door, ""Aren't you going to apologize to me?"" I say, ""About what?"" And she groans and shuts the door. I've been reading **WISNIFG** as we speak. Can someone give me any feedback or insight as to what I'm facing here or how this resolves? Thanks!",,5,HotFaithlessness7026,2022-05-30 02:23:12 askMRP,uznwbu,Can woman be aroused and excited when having sex with a blue-pilled male?,"One major conclusion of TRP is that a blue-pill beta can only have transactional sex with woman, and red-pills can have validational sex. Validational sex comes from woman's genuine desire. Transactional sex happens when the woman is trying to get some material benefits from blue-pills. According to TRP and Rollo, having validational sex is enthusiastic, while having transactional sex with blue-pill beta is disgusting for woman. For detailed explanation, [see this](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/82trm6/transactional_vs_validational_sex/). From my observations, it is of course true that having sex with alphas is more enthusiastic. **However**, in many recent observations, I find that **many** female can also enjoy the ""sexual service"" provided by blue-pill betas, and even reach the climax. It seems like woman can also find transactional sex exciting, rather than disgusting. What's your observations? I'll be very happy if you can teach me some facts narrowly defined in this topic.",,10,hunteralliance,2022-05-28 13:58:38 askMRP,uyu47r,What can I do to get special sex acts from my wife?,"I have an okay sex life. It’s fine most of the time, even great sometimes. But I’m not completely fulfilled as everything is not on the table. We have sex frequently and I rarely get turned down. However, if I ask or imply that I want certain things, that’s when things don’t go my way. When we first met, predictably, she let me do anything I wanted to her. Though after only two years of marriage, now, she whines about blowing me. I‘m not allowed to cum on her face or in her mouth. She doesn’t spit or swallow. Shoves me away when I lick where she doesn’t like. I haven’t even gone for anal but I’m sure that’s a no too. I additionally have read the post “validation needs that can poison your sex life“ and comprehend that “special sex acts“ fall under that list. I do not give a shit. I want these special sex acts. Yes, it is a covert contract. Realistically, what are my options here?",,44,EveryoneConditional,2022-05-27 09:05:32 askMRP,uyfkrq,Family drama - wife says I didn't defend her,"6'2"" 285lb SQ 315 DL 315 BP 275 Covid brought some family drama. One day my brother called my wife and spoke to her angrily. I didn't give him shit for it, it's my brother and I trust him. If this was some random guy I would have absolutely let it be known he was out of line in no uncertain terms. (Tbh I would love the excuse) In my opinion, family members should be able to trust eachother and get heated from time to time. What're your thoughts?",,4,STFUandF,2022-05-26 19:35:20 askMRP,uy23f1,Is this an unreasonable amount of shit tests? And was my response valid?,"38, married, 2 young kids. My wife has been out of town for 2 days at a work conference leaving me to get the kids ready for nursery, school, drop them off, pick them up put them to bed for the past 2 days. You know the drill. Upon her return, she talks about everything that's not been done around the house. Although most things were taken care of there were a couple of things out of their usual place let's say. I STFU. That night we agree that tomorrow it's her turn to get the kids ready, but she needs to catch an early train. She agrees to drop them off but since I'm working from home, it's expected I will help out. This morning, her moaning and shit tests have been relentless. From the audible groan when our 2 year old woke up at 5:45am meaning she had to get up (we take it in turns) to the first comment, I hear when I get downstairs. ""Don't you know I've been up since 5:45am?"" It's been fucking insane. She goes on... Her: ""We need milk. Didn't you know we were out of milk?"" Me: ""no"" Her: ""How could you not know we were out of milk?"" Her: ""I need to get ready for work, you'll have to get the kids ready."" So now I'm the one getting the kids ready again while she sorts herself out. She shouts from upstairs where she's getting ready, while I'm downstairs sorting the kids ""Don't give them breakfast"". ""Are they dressed yet?"" ""Have you brushed their teeth?"". ""Are their bags packed?"" etc etc. She then asks me to get them in the car for her. All the while I'm STFU. She then says goodbye and goes to kiss me and I just take a step back and say ""bye"". Is this right? I'm doing way more of the parenting than she is and she doesn't seem to notice or give a shit. Sure I'm butthurt which is blue pill shit but at the same time, I shouldn't give her the impression I'm OK with being ordered about. Listening to NMMNG at present - need to read the rest of the sidebar. But I want to get some views on what I should have done differently this morning / how to set up future mornings so I'm not in the same position.",,2,Necessary-Car-5672,2022-05-26 07:26:59 askMRP,utj7db,Is there a place on MRP for prevention instead of cure?,"As a young guy in a relationship I am happy in, I often notice that many of the posts on MRP are about guys trying to un-fuck their lives. I have rarely seen guys continue to post whilst in a situation they are happy with, unless they had already gone through the process and successfully come out the other side. I was thinking about sharing field reports as part of an ounce of prevention beating a pound of cure.",,17,IronAntlers,2022-05-20 02:23:52 askMRP,ur9th2,When touch is not an option,"Hi, 35, 5’6” ~175lb I’m a drunk captain married for 11 years. In the last month I read NMMNG and WISNIFG, some sidebar posts, OYS, etc. I am an orthodox jew, so I’m don’t touch my wife during her period until she dunks in a ritual bath. Flirtatious touch has worked with her in the past, but now it’s not available to me. “Initiating” is not really a thing. It would require her to count 7 clean days, and then go to the mikvah. Any ideas of what game/initiations would look like? I appreciate all responses. I know I’m just a fat retard, and you guys don’t owe me anything.",,0,No-Contribution3422,2022-05-17 00:09:10 askMRP,ujfdk8,"Threat honored, After filing for divorce","A month ago the wife put an ultimatum on me, [sign for our child's passport](https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/tq157l/wife_getting_child_passport_should_i_put_on_the/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) or we're getting a divorce. I opted for the divorce. She then said, if we're getting a divorce, you need to leave the house. I told her I would not be leaving voluntarily and that she would need to pick-up the phone and call the police herself. She was on the phone for a while but the police were taking too long...so I called them myself and successfully thwarted what *would* of possibly been a false DV charge. Since I filed for divorce, my day-to-day peace has improved but it is skewed by the looming divorce and her desire to get full custody and to be seen as super mom. The first couple weeks were tumultuous, but I like the new norm more than pre-divorce. Instead of putting her career first, she does her part in transporting our kid and being out with her after pick-up, she is less critical and I have been enjoying ability to exercise my freedoms without bearing that nagging energy. She's told me that she wouldn't have taken off with our daughter because of the life she's built here and that she wouldn't of called the police without first consulting her lawyer and that I was stupid and paranoid for thinking otherwise (contrary to the exact threats she's given me before). She told me that she was not 100% sure about getting a divorce and that it was *not inevitable* that we would be getting one down the road. My family and family-friends have attempted to intercede. None of that matters, I had one day where I broke down privately, but since then I have been steadfast in proceeding to get a divorce ASAP. I've had a taste of post-marriage life and there is zero chance of going back. What I find astounding about all of this, is all she had to do to avoid this chain of events was to humor me by agreeing that a 3rd party hold the passport. I would of signed off and she would of been booked for a trip this summer to go see granddad with my daughter. She has tried to guilt me by saying that her dad is sick and that she would never forgive me if he died without seeing our daughter and I simply told her, the power is in your hands. Her unwillingness to allow me any sense of control, *even to her own detriment*, is really amazing.",,34,cryptus-maximus,2022-05-06 04:24:40 askMRP,ugs8og,MAP resources," I am looking for links or other resources to help with my MAP. I have read MMSLP, but this doesn't go much beyond lifting and hygiene, both of which I am already doing . I need frame and a mission, and I also can't see much in NMMNG and WISNIFG. If I have missed it, let me know. As the responses to my previous post demonstrate, I need to work on me, and this is where it starts.",,14,Scarlet_Thirteen,2022-05-02 15:30:52 askMRP,uh7c2o,Playfull Seperated Wife,"How do I handle my wife being playfull, teasing, laughing at my silly jokes. We are seperated - she sleeps in a child's bedroom (2nd week) and he by me. Thus far I only played along but no kino.",,0,Radical_Drip,2022-05-03 03:41:07 askMRP,uf7k6b,newbie in dire straights,"Hello all, To cut to the chase: 45 years old, Married 15, living together for 25, 4 kids, Deadish bedroom for many years, We used to be so close, and share the same dreams. Marriage is seriously on the rocks. We built a house and small holding together 5 years ago, we are very isolated, nearest neighbours are miles away, and she doesn't drive. SAHM, we homeschool. We can't sell utill 2033 without losing half of the money to the previous owner due to unusual planning application. She would leave me tomorrow if she had an escape route. She is repulsed by me. Discovered Mrp in January. I'm lifting and training 5 x a week. Learning to STFU.This only seems to antagonise her. Ive read the top 3 from the sidebar. I have been rejected sexually virtually daily. I have decided a period of monk mode without initiating would help me, and probably stop her feeling pressured. If a reset whilst I improve rekindles her attraction for me, I don't know. I know I need to be nice to her and kino her without initiating during this time but: 1)how do I stop my anger at her showing? After 25 years she reads my every micro expression. I can't help showing my resentment. I have build her dream, 4 kids and a farm from nothing, and we should be enjoying it and fucking like rabbits. I am hoping not initiating will lessen my resentment, as I won't be actively rejected every day. I fear that this might make her day... She can have her cake without having to fuck me. So: 2) how long do I stop initiating? And how do I end the period of monk mode? With an ultimatum? With a request for an open relationship? Physically I am in pretty good shape already, and my career has built significantly since January. So I feel my sexual market value is already higher than hers. But I don't think that is the issue, we just have so much history. Any thoughts greatly appreciated.",,9,Scarlet_Thirteen,2022-04-30 09:23:14 askMRP,u2gxwt,What other weapons in the arsenal?,"What else is there besides nuke? I don't want to be too trigger happy but am unsure how else to establish major boundaries. An example, tonight my wife was pissed at me after I mildly snapped at her and I even owned it right away. About an hour later my wife wanted to revisit and followed me around the house trying to get me to say and agree to all this shit, which I refused. I started helping the 3yr old in the bathroom and she blocks me in there holding the 1yr old. I can't get out. I firmly state to get out of my way and how inappropriate it is but nothing changed. I want to establish a boundary here but am trying not to nuke. The only thing I can think of is to call the police, which I actually did and found out they are actually closed in the evening. I get ready to call 911 and tell my wife if I make this call there are going to be serious implications for our marriage (kind of implying divorce). I stare her down and she gets out of my way. She has pulled this shit before and I am done not having this boundary established. But is divorce really my only option or should I handle this differently? In addition, should I be getting shit in order in case I do press the nuke. As in, should I start contacting lawyers and how do I go about picking the right one and prepping for this. &#x200B; Me: Age 35, Height: 5’9, Weight: 167, BF 15% BP = 165 x10, Squat = 225 x 8, DL = 265 x 8, OHP 110 x 7 Married 5 years, together 12. Have 2 daughters 3yr and 1yr. Have read: 2x NMMNG, 2x WISNIFG, MAP, 50% MMSLP, 16 commandments of Poon, Bigger, Leaner, Stronger, The Way of the Superior man, Book of Poon, how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk, Sex God Method",,6,reborndude,2022-04-13 03:24:29 askMRP,u0dy2u,Live near her family or mines?,"3 year LTR-thinking of engagement soonish I'm black and my gf of 3 years is white. Im from London and she's from Manchester(3-4hr drive). I met her in Manchester at work and we've been dating for 3 years. I'm 29, she's 26. We both live in Manchester currently She's just got a 3 year training contract at work as of last month and we're planning on buying a house in Manchester north of the country. Initially I wanted to live near London to be near family and when we have kids, I think it'll be good to live in a diverse area however my gf convinced me that she has more family support for our future childcare, cheaper up north and the area we're thinking of living in is not totally white with pockets of ethnic people around so our children won’t be like the only coloured person in school My family obviously want me to live near/in London and are worried about my future children not knowing their black side as much or not belonging because they'll inevitably be seeing more of their white relatives as we'll be nearer to them. I'm having second thoughts and I hate this feeling of what if? What do you guys suggest? I was planning on driving down to london to see family once per month but even I think that's ambitious. Moving somewhere in the middle eg birmingham is not an option Mature responses only please",,8,bittr_n_swt,2022-04-10 09:12:44 askMRP,u02c4w,My wife discovered a post on here,So I made a post and then a comment of mine that said I was using her and my son as an excuse to not go to the gym. We all know what I meant by that. My wife discovered post and comment bc I was driving and she grabbed my phone off of my lap i had forgotten to close the app. She’s taking it to heart as if I don’t want to spend time with them. She’s also mad bc she gave me the idea to give ups fB for lent and then I took up Reddit (yes I know I technically have had Reddit for 3 years but got rid of the app about 2.5 years ago and picked the app back up so there’s probably some subconscious geeze does this guy only care about social media (I think) all she said was it didn’t feel good reading that comment) I STFU and we moved on.,,5,XxHuffmaster4000,2022-04-09 21:07:22 askMRP,tyl2dv,JJ for lifting,So After my wife and I buy a house I want to start JJ. Right now I’m about 15 pounds over weight coming in at 190 Im 5’7. I lift once week (sometimes more) was a solid 3-6 days a week before my son was born. By the time I start JJ I’ll probably have 3 days a week for hobbies. Would lifting one day a week and rolling 2 be ok or should I hold off on the JJ until I’m at my ideal weight. This spring I’ll be getting back into disc golfing but will give that up for JJ. Oh I do have an 8 month old son so not trying to be a dad who just is self absorbed in his own hobbies Thoughts?,,12,XxHuffmaster4000,2022-04-07 19:44:46 askMRP,ty8w7h,Trust and the need to be informed of wife's movements,"Why do I need to know my wife's movements? Why does she refuse to just simply tell me where she will be going? At the same time I track the vehicle movements and blow up her phone when movement is outside the norm. I fear she is meeting / hooking up. Relationship status - I dont trust her due to her cheating previously. She rejects what should be reasonable behaviour in a normal relationship. Knowing would give me some kind of reassurance that trust is being rebuilt, demonstrate comnitment and I am safe/not threatened. I realise I am too invested. Your thoughts on how I proceed?",,5,Radical_Drip,2022-04-07 09:03:52 askMRP,txz078,Blow job and then divorce,"29, 180cm, 190lbs, 18% body fat Bench 110kg / Squat 140kg / Deadlift 220kg Married 4 years, 2 kids I posted my first OYS just last Tuesday, and tonight had the divorce talk I mentioned I was expecting. But after she sucked me off. I left the house after the kids went down to sleep. I got a text saying that we needed to talk. I asked what needed to be said, and she said she was miserable. I used fogging and put my phone down for a while. When I checked again, there were a number of messages outlining things she had done which she hoped would be a sign of commitment to our marriage. Last week, she told me she hates me twice. Figuring I couldn't do anything to make her respect me less, I told her that what would really prove her commitment would be a sloppy blow job with lots of eye contact. She sent back some outraged protestations, to which I told her to warm up her jaw. I came home later and she was up. She told me to take my pants off and then she sucked me off. Almost immediately after began the talk. It was a long list of the ways in which I had changed from a kind, loving, sensitive man into a angry piece of shit. She also listed the things she had done because she loves me. We discussed court proceedings. She teared up a little towards the end. As best I could, in my autistic way, I tried to fog, negative inquiry and occasionally broken record my way through the thing (I had to BR on my insistence that I would have 50% custody of my kids). This talk has happened before. But in the past, I broke and kow towed. Admitted how I'd been a bad husband, and promised to change. This time, against my instincts, I didn't do any of that. Now, she says she's taking the kids to her parent's tomorrow for an indeterminate amount of time. Again, in the past, I would've demanded or begged her not to do that. But this time I simply said OK. Why would she give me a blow job and then divorce me like that?",,21,404framenotfound,2022-04-06 23:14:14 askMRP,tvlv1e,Phenomenon? Attention acknowledged disappears?,"So, I’ve noticed that when I’m getting attention sexually from my LTR of 10 years (aka wife), if I acknowledge that I’m enjoying it and sort of “give in” to the pleasure (this could be basic sensual touches/flirting), the attention dries up and everything goes basic (i.e., focus is shifted from me getting attention to, “oh, now you pay me attention while I do nothing”.) Is this a thing? And if so, what’s the best way to handle the thing? My best guess is that it’s an attention seeking thing, so when the LTR feels they have your attention, the desire to keep generating attention dissipates. It’s sort of like a comfort test in which the goal is to sound the depths of the mate’s soul just to see if the affection is there. If so, the game stops because it’s just that—a game to see if the affection is still there. I haven’t tried to stop my pleasure response, yet but am imagining that doing so might intensify the attention. My other thought is that I’m somehow breaking my frame by not responding to the attention in a way that spurs on more desire.",,3,Visual_Pack_2206,2022-04-03 22:27:08 askMRP,tukyl8,How to best make use of DoD?,"I declared yesterday on the thread, but a little bit confused on how it works. Ive read the original DoD post [https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/41tksq/group\_mrp\_challenge\_60\_days\_of\_dread/](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/41tksq/group_mrp_challenge_60_days_of_dread/) and some of the previous ones, but I don't see the same people contributing to each post and talking about their progress. Is the point to pick that week's focus and then talk about it in the OYS? Also should the goals for the next 60 days be concrete actionable items, or should it be something more like life skills (mental toughness).",,8,SmileAndBOOM,2022-04-02 15:06:21 askMRP,tu2yb0,what major challenges or experiences that made you internalize a strong frame ?,What are some experiences or challenges that you passed through that made you internalize a strong frame that you could feel it deep down ?,,5,[deleted],2022-04-01 22:07:37 askMRP,tqs4t9,How to get Cluster - B wife into therapy without using logic/reason?,"**I have a logical problem, and I have a wife. I can't explain the logical problem to my wife. Can you guys help me translate?** My wife probably has a cluster B personality disorder: Probably Borderline Personality Disorder (minus the self-harm) and Vulnerable Narcissism. She has no emotional control, can't tolerate distress, seeks drama and works to keep negativity going for as long as humanly possible. All of her close relationships are 100% one-sided with the other person giving and her taking. She's concerned with status-seeking behavior and is not interested in other people. I won't go on about this, but it's worse than AWALT. She is still very attractive, especially for her age. Her and I are married largely because she got pregnant when we were both almost 40 and unmarried in an LTR. I wanted to ""do the right thing."" We threw together a big expensive party, everyone came, she didn't have a belly yet. It is what it is. Her family loves me and accepts me, and vice versa. We live in a 3rd world country. We were in debt for the wedding and the birth of the kid (C section). I transformed from a ""free spirit"" to workhorse and improved our position for each of the 4 years we've been married. Now we have a nice place to live and a nanny/maid. I've done a good job on most fronts. No drinking, drugs, smoking, porn, violence, cheating, video games, sleeping in, and I'm not fat. Everyone in her sphere likes and respects me. I pay the bills, I care for the kid, and until this year I've done little for myself. ( I realize this is a problem in and of itself, and I'm fixing it the long hard way, which is the right way) I realize that I've become a betabux. I'm working on this. onward.... We got married for the kid. She thinks this means our family isn't ""real."" In this space I would translate that as ""she feels she hasn't been *chosen* by a high value man"" We've talked about this. But for me, the problem is now 4 years old and I'm done apologizing. THE ACTUAL PROBLEM My wife hates me. It's not that hate is what she *feels inside*. Hate is what she *does* all the time. She cultivates hatred and works to destroy anything that might threaten her hatred. It seems like it's a part of her. She threatens divorce once every 4 months. We'll get into a big blowout fight and she'll threaten to take my kid away. She can't actually take care of the kid, because she doesn't have the patience to spend long periods of time with the kid, but she's interested in the cute parts of motherhood, so long as they don't last more than a few minutes. My wife seems to think divorce is the answer to the problem (the problem in this case is that she hates me) Of course she will continue to hate me post-divorce. I'm going to keep improving my life, and I'll be genuinely happy. However, I will no longer be able to supervise her parenting: which is likely to fuck up my kid. Also, she is likely to choose a shitty stepdad for my kid within about 5 minutes of leaving my house. I live in a third world country (where evil westerners go to find children to molest) and I will have no ability to take meaningful legal action against her and her new (probably much richer western) husband to secure full-custody when she (post-wall) compromises on the moral character of her new husband rather than excitement or earning potential. If I let her out of my house I have to trust her to parent. I do not trust her to parent. **TL;DR** Here's the problem: 1.) The biggest problem in her life and in our kid's life is that **my wife hates me**. 2.) Wife hating me is not because of legit reasons (more because of personality disorder) 3.) wife wants a divorce 4.) Divorce is not going to solve the problem that she hates me. 5.) I want her to go to therapy to fix the hate whether or not we stay together How do I get her to do this **without using logic**? I have been trying to push her to see someone for ""stress management"" because she cries many hours a week. My transition to MRP is hard on her because she used to tell me ""you don't care about my feelings"" but now that's a lot closer to true. I just want to get her help, both for her own sake and for practical reasons....mostly for my kid. ""I need you to take care of yourself by eating, sleeping, seeing friends, talking about your feelings with a therapist, and learning ways to manage stress."" ...maybe something like that. I'm not sure how to make it happen. (without using logic) THE (ACTUAL) ACTUAL PROBLEM I understand that her increased craziness is probably a natural side effect of MRP/running the MAP, and I do understand that I suck at this and I need improvement. (self-improvement is plan A, and it's my first priority) I understand that even if I was amazing at applying these principles it would take more than 8 months to turn around a marriage in which I've been complacent and unwilling to fully stand up for myself. I am lawyering up, DNGAF, STFU, reading, lifting, and working to apply principles; recognizing and eliminating covert contracts, and striving for outcome independence. I understand that I'm not an intermediate level MRP practitioner yet. I just want her to sit down with someone who specializes in crazy bitches once a week, so that she can start getting a little more contact with reality. And I really don't know how to make that happen. Maybe I'm doing some ""conscious uncoupling"" She's gonna be my enemy for the next 20 years and I'd like her to not be a nihilistic narcissist/BPD engaged in total war. I'd prefer that she's a slowly reforming narcissist/BPD who wants to find happiness. ....see! I'm still a faggot.",,3,SwordHolder69,2022-03-29 04:56:26 askMRP,tq2e0z,Are all threats honored?,"I’m familiar with the “all threats are honored” maxim but how does this play out in the real world? How does someone using AM or AA honor a threat when they are essentially belittling it, albeit indirectly? I have a [personal high stakes example](https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/tq157l/wife_getting_child_passport_should_i_put_on_the/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf). Taking a threat at face value or vice versa, especially ones done in the midst of a divorce can end up hurting you when it’s time to negotiate. When do you a call a bluff, a bluff?",,9,cryptus-maximus,2022-03-28 05:44:37 askMRP,tqp7b1,Will Smith,Whats everyone’s thoughts on this Will Smith shit. pimp or simp,,0,SonnyRue,2022-03-29 02:05:27 askMRP,tpcyey,dealing with past shit bringing up,"I'm a newbie at dread level 1. Married for a year, trying to improve myself but the actions given here are way out of my comfort zone, hence struggling to maintain them. But I know that I'm making progress. Now to the question, most of the time I keep my mouth shut when my wife start bitching, and trying to recognize shit tests so I can respond accordingly. But when she brings shit from the past, for example, there was a problem with the wedding planner, and she still bring that up, I do not know how to respond to that. I keep my mouth shut but some of the things she's saying are unfair, its fucking hard to keep my mouth shut. I feel like stfu and DARE is not working on this. Any guidance would be highly appreciated.",,5,Rulock_H,2022-03-27 05:02:10 askMRP,tm4swp,Anyone read Practical Female Psychology?,"Saw Rian Stone talking about this book by Joseph South. Worth adding to my sidebar reading or is basically the same concepts we’ve got inside the sidebar? Edit to add: yes, I see it it the sidebar now 💪🤣",,4,Visual_Pack_2206,2022-03-24 12:15:20 askMRP,ti4bae,Assuming good feelz post shit/comfort test,"I’m trying to figure out how to handle myself after my wife crossed boundaries I’ve set. For example, today she went off about me apparently not getting shorts from the washer into the dryer so the kids could go to sports practice. Honest mistake, but the reaction was over the top. So, I basically said, “hey I’ve got stuff I’m going to do today” and let her leave, even though she wanted me to go with her. I genuinely had stuff to do and it felt good to get it done. Didn’t really feel like being around her after that. We talked on the phone a bit later and she “sort of” apologized, but I didn’t fully believe she was submitting to what I was saying, as she hammered a lot on “well, you did this thing and never apologized for it”. A bit later I went to the gym. When she called and asked, I told her I was at the gym and she was upset that I didn’t tell her because she wanted to go, too. I’ve grown tired of waiting around on her and her changing plans when she says she wants to go the gym, so I just said, you’ve got the freedom to prioritize and go if you want. She wasn’t happy about that, so she hung up and drove home. I am being avoidant and withdrawn from her, partially because I want to, partially because I was disgusted by how she was acting. Just wondering if this is good, or if I’m missing something. For example, maybe I should have accepted her call and “sort of” apology and just allowed her to get close to me again and given more feelz. Just not sure though as I want to see her stop playing the games and just say “I’m sorry I acted the way I did”. Then I’d actually see her as “worthy” of my time.",,5,Visual_Pack_2206,2022-03-19 20:40:00 askMRP,ti14vb,What to Say When Asking a Father to Marry His Daughter,"Just as the title says. I’m looking for advice and ideas. Plans are for this year. I’m trying to be succinct yet substantive in delivering my message. Any suggestions through the (married) red pill lens?",,3,youngzari,2022-03-19 18:11:28 askMRP,tg5kjh,Any advice on going about sexually repressed chicks?,"22, 5'11"", 200lbs, 23% BF, 200 BP - 315 SQ - 405 DL. Have read NMMNG, WISNIFG, Mystery Method, Rian's Blog and channel, Rollo's Blog and channel, most of the significant posts from HOA, SSS, Blarg, red-sfpplus and others on the main sub. I know a chick's sexual repression is also expressed inversely proportional to my own personal value. Sexual repression and all goes out the window if she it is with an appropriately HVM. Now that that has been said. I ask for advice on dealing with this issue. I am a relatively young guy. Other that LIFT MOAR, are there any other ways to deal with this? Of the 2 chicks I have dated long term (3 years with one and 1 year with the current one) the current one has had a very mormon-esque and a brief but significant history of sexual assault. I am no angel, but I like this chick. When I am with her we kiss and touch and stuff but any escalation further than that requires me to do some ""grey area"" stuff. She almost makes me do it. It seems a bit fucked up sometimes. I am not exclusive to her. I had sex with another chick 2 weeks ago. And this doesn't bother me as such but if there is anything I can do, I would like that more than leaving this chick entirely. I have told her that she doesn't need to be exclusive either but she doesn't see other guys and is pretty heavily into me. We have known each other for 8 years. She was waiting for my previous relationship to end. We got together a year after that (I got into rp during that year. Lost 70lbs during that). So no it is not about lack of attraction on her side (imo). Any anecdotal (or otherwise) advice from you guys about how you went about solving this issue if you have had to face this or were to face this? Thanks. (I am posting here because this is the only sub I know which has more people who know what they are talking about than soft-r artists) Edit: Some proof that I did do the work that I said I did https://imgur.com/a/G5xXROz",,5,[deleted],2022-03-17 08:39:47 askMRP,tgcra9,Marriage Counseling/Coaching,"I know marriage counseling can be dangerous. But, I signed us up for some online couples coaching/counseling with the wife. We have only had a few sessions, and our coach already recommended I read NMMNG. So, maybe it’s not that bad. The approach based on “Imago” therapy, basically a structured dialogue to concentrate the issues and avoid back and forth bickering. In our first session I expressed some of my “nice guy” traits and how I want to get out of them, which was not really anything new to her. But for the next 3 weeks all I heard was “what’s wrong with you?” kind of shit. It’s like I expose weakness and she uses it against me. So, we finally recover and had another session on Sunday. This time she expresses that what she really needs is emotional support. For example a day or so before I sat with her on the couch and supported her – she really appreciated that. So, I thought, “Great! I can do that.” I thought we had a plan to move forward and was feeling good about things. Well, that lasted about 2 days. I come home from work, sit next to her to try to be with her. And she says she doesn’t need emotional support. She then starts busting my balls about how I flirted with a waitress 3 years ago. WTF? Flashback: About 3 years ago I discovered Red Pill and used what I would call some very mild levels of dread. Any “flirting with waitresses” was pretty minimal from what I remember. But, I think my wife saw that I was kind checking out and she says it really hurt her. So, my questions are: 1. Is this kind of counseling helpful or just going to do more damage? 2. I get that there are issues with frame, nice guy, boundaries, etc. But, what is the balance between enforcing boundaries/frame and giving something to the relationship? 3. What are some practical ways to respond when you’re getting hit with the shit? STFU – ok, but how far do you take it? At some point you have to communicate.",,1,elvikingogringo,2022-03-17 15:27:17 askMRP,tcu8nq,We've been dating for three months and all I can get is a kiss,"Hi, I'm new here but I'm experienced. I've been off and on watching RP videos for like 6 years. I started off super weak and srsly way too skinny, but after watching 21 convention Videos along with a lot of ryan stone videos I gained 2 kilos. Also I've been reading a lot of MRP along with the relationship advice sub. My game is solid. But I'm not sure what to make of my girlfriend. I mean it's clear that I swept her off her feet, but I still can't seem to take it to the next level. And also, she seems to be out with her friends a lot. So we started dating on New Year's Eve and holy crap she was looking sexy, she was wearing of bachelorette party outfit and we kind of hooked up. That night we weren't exclusive but it's clear we had a big-time connection. And since then we talk on the phone a lot (although she's always busy and she doesn't reach out to me as much as I'd like)/ It's pretty clear she digs me. The thing is though I can't seem to get past first base and I've been three months and I'm 27, shit I'm not a kid. My moods are amazing and my body is looking good and plus I watched a ton of videos so I'm on top of my game, but she still not responding. Do you have advice? I consider myself a top 5% man and am sure that when I move out of my parents guest house I'll be a top 1% man for sure. It shouldn't even matter with her anyways since we are long distance. So what am I doing wrong? Perplexed.",,0,judasapocalypse,2022-03-12 23:56:34 askMRP,tc4g1p,Can Codependent women work?,"edit: I mean for Family formation I think this is a good reference: [https://ideapod.com/my-partner-is-codependent/](https://ideapod.com/my-partner-is-codependent/) My question is, is it easily achievable to have her be low maintenance? (points 1, 2, 3, 8, 9,12,13,) In other words, would she accept ""no"" for an answer instead of attempting to manipulate? or is it just good for a temporary ride?",,0,NewBatJoker,2022-03-12 00:39:33 askMRP,t95i8j,Mental point of view check. Am I on the right path? New to RP,"49y, 6'3"", 240Lbs, 5x5 squat 365lbs, part-time healthcare professional making 94k annual. I am a solid multidiscipline leader in the workplace. I have been married to a beautiful Colombian woman for 15 years and have three stepsons, 30y, 26y, and 21y. My life should be a storybook fairytale, but it's not. I started my 15-year relationship as a facade. I was used to seeking women only as entertainment when overseas with the Marines and relied on my physical presence and charisma to give me an abundance of physical activity. In short, I have no game or relationship experience. I picked my wife, a strong, dynamic, energetic, loving woman and a widow, during a hospital rotation during my university education. With reassurance from her and my now mother-in-law, the kids would not be my responsibility. Unfortunately, the situation declined soon, as I have no relationship skills, game, or discipline in our home life. I am a drunken captain, both literal and figuratively. I have left no foundation for trust uncorrupted. Instead, I walked on eggshells and lied to avoid conflict, avoid responsibility, and supplicate to every request. I blamed her for my lack of character and relationship abilities. I have failed to realize women process through their ego and emotions, and I make things worse by defending, explaining, excusing, and rationalizing with her. I have been a dysfunctional female, even lashing out over text. I have moved out multiple times and have downgraded her to just another one of my plates frequently. My excessive alcohol use and lazy plate management have caused her physical conflict with other plates. The previous behavior is the state of the relationship I created until recently. I have recently found Rian Stone on U-tube and have been consuming his content at a rapid rate finishing coffee break, and 75% through the sidebar. That is how I have found myself here.",,6,LackLusterLizard,2022-03-08 01:50:22 askMRP,t671ui,"MAP assessment, 14 month review","Thanks for calling out my victim puke. In the back of my mind I knew I was going to catch flack but I had to get it out. I'm going to do my best to structure a post that isn't just a stream of bitching and that will hopefully prove productive. Lets go.. **WHERE I AM NOW** **STATS:** 38 // 6' 190 lbs. (19% BF) // Married 4.5; Together 8.5 // 1 toddler **LIFT HIGHLIGHTS:** **Chest:** BP 165 5x (smith) // **Shoulders:** Shoulder Press (machine) 60 5x // **Arms:** Bicep Curl (dumbbells) 55 5x // **Triceps:** Triceps Pulldown (cable) 72.5 5x // **Core:** Squat 175 5x (smith) // **Back:** Lat Pulldown 140 x5 **RP LIBRARY: Reading:** NMMNG, Game, Married Man Sex Life Primer // **Finished:** Saving a Low Sex Marriage, WISNIFG, Rational Male series, Unplugged Alpha and Fuccfiles. **I. Physical** What am I doing on a Smith machine? Free standing olympic bars do not exist at Planet Fitness. I log all my workouts and don't engage in fuckarounditis but the amount of shred I am looking for is not yet there. I want to target my abs, which despite doing 40X decline sit-ups while holding a 30 lb. kettle bell, I am still not satisfied with a faint 4-pack. I have been only going 2X a week the past couple weeks due to a whiplash injury suffered at a trampoline park. I have also been dealing with a gym injury I got from doing a chest exercise, which I suspect was the Triceps Pushdown. I don't believe it was my rotator cuff, but it was a tendon in same region that is front facing. Any ideas? **II. Relationship & Psychological** Let me get this out of the way. Only within the past half year, I have began taking ADHD meds and I microdose for my HFASD (I am almost 40). All that you need to know is that none of these substances are taken for or at recreational dosages/frequencies. They are not magical, but they do allow me to manifest a level of confidence and competence I wouldn't otherwise have. For the most part, I am content with my default state-of-mind, which has improved greatly, but there is still some room for optimization. **III. Financial** My schedule and job security has got me staying put. Plus, with the prospect of divorce, I am not about to risk getting fired at worst, or paying alimony with a higher salary at best. Of note, my wife just got a raise this month, for the first time, she now makes a couple Gs more than I do. **IV. Personal** I have only had one outing with a friend for the past couple months. There were more opportunities to go out, but my dilemma is that if I want to go out, I have to ask the wife because she will insist that I must first secure and pay for a babysitter. She is unwilling to look after our toddler herself, even if I am willing to reciprocate the favor. I'm going to stop right there. === **OBSTACLES** What's crazy is, I thought and still believe that I have made alot of progress but I only have 3 OYS reports. Here is why I'm embarrassed to do a follow-up OYS: **Stuck at Dread Level 6** I'm on my second reading of **Saving a Low Sex Marriage** by Coach Bluepill and I am stuck at Kinoing my wife and catch-and-release. We have not had sex or even kissed for almost a year. I have always been the sexual initiator, and no, I have never turned down an overtly sexual advance, because I have never gotten one from my wife. This was a vetting oversight. I cannot get over the overwhelming amount of resentment I harbor, nor the fact that her body has declined the last couple years. So my desire and ability to kino or pass comfort tests is very low, even before SHTF. As for catch-and-release, I haven't had the balls to approach random women while wearing my wedding band. I live in a cold climate and sometimes WFH at a cafe, these places know I am married, so my only chance is to catch women on nicer days on the street with my band off. I tried walking the streets a couple times while taking a break with an internal script in mind, no luck approaching a young women that wasn't a hood rat. Writing this out now, this is not an excuse and if I have to flirt with 40 year old moms I must do so. **Conflict/Sensory Avoidance** I have made alot of progress from the days of my autistic verbal intercourse; groveling, talking to her about serious topics, trying to re-frame questions and reason with her. I've dropped all that because I'm not into f'ing men. The issue I am having is that there comes a point where AAing and broken record gets the wife to meltdown like a teenager, usually with my toddler present. Before, I used to engage and sometimes capitulate on the spot because I couldn't take the sensory overload. Now I just calmly exit the scene with my daughter in tow, leaving an atmosphere that remains negatively charged for the remainder of the day. I don't gym bag it, because I cannot leave my daughter by herself to be exposed to all the expletives my wife is throwing out. There is a serious issue, when a toddler is the one who tries to calm down a grown ass women. So whatever matter was brought up remains unresolved and I believe she me exiting as *retreating*. How do I safely exit on my own terms and isn't there a time and place where she should be reprimanded for outrageous behavior, nevermind to attain closure on the issue that sparked the incident?",,8,cryptus-maximus,2022-03-04 01:22:27 askMRP,t4a3dy,Are displays of anger ever useful?,"5ft11"", 190 lbs, probably about 20% bf. 5 rep max numbers: Bench 110kg, Squat 140kg, Deadlift 220kg. I know around here we value stoicism, being the oak, STFU etc. So usually, displays of anger are viewed as a loss of control and discouraged. However, what if you are married to a woman that can't accept STFU, doesn't respond to your oak like behaviour positively? Is there ever a time for a strategically placed outburst or are they always counterproductive? If they can be useful, how should they be used and what would be an ideal scenario to do so?",,15,myconautix,2022-03-01 15:12:04 askMRP,t3pmps,holding frame in an all-female house,"Anyone else struggle to STFU and stay out of the drama in a house full of females? My wife and 2 daughters are super difficult to deal with sometimes. For clarity, I'm the angry and type that will shout and call them out on their bullshit and show zero mercy. I know they're afraid of me when I raise my voice. I'm not proud of being an authoritarian but I'm definitely not getting walked on either. Maybe this is what it takes to survive around so much estrogen? As an example, I often find myself being the referee and breaking up fights between my daughters. They're both under 10yrs old. I don't typically intervene unless I hear or see something that sounds dangerous, mostly to protect them from hurting each other. At times, when one of them is persistent I get pulled out of my frame and address whatever petty issue they might be bitching about. I never handle it well and it's doing nothing to improve my frame in the house with the wife where it counts. When the wife is around, I usually delegate that referee nonsense to her. She's a woman. She seems to understand their emotional nonsense more than I do. Happy to let her do it. Hit me with your best advice or resources on how to STFU and be more stoic. It's easier said than done in my experience. Completely open to hearing what I might be doing wrong.",,2,[deleted],2022-02-28 20:53:13 askMRP,t2jywk,How to breakup with partner of last 5+ years,"**Edit:** I did it about a little over a week ago. Thanks to all who posted here. General MRP advice was actually quite useful, spent a lot of time in the ensuing drama following the golden rule STFU. If I'd felt the need to defend the whole time I probably could have been talked in to continuing to try. STFU!! Me 27, her 25, together >5 years So I’ve finally done the calculus and realised that I want out of this relationship before marriage which is where this thing is going. Fortunately we were planning to move interstate soon (she wants to and I don’t) so there’s a natural clean break point where she can just move without me. She has a job and free rent on the other side so she’s not completely fucked. The move is about 2 months away. I don’t want to work on the relationship or salvage it. This should be a clean break. I’m here to ask how those who have gone before handled it and whether they have any advice/tips. Also I feel like I should tell her now-ish rather than waiting. We share a bed but have a spare room in case things are weird. Does time/day of week matter? Any wording recommended? Any general advice?",,21,Work_ln_Progress,2022-02-27 08:48:24 askMRP,t23k8q,"MRP larp post? I larp often I am told, I can't seem to pull my head out of my ass to see it when it happens.","So this post came up https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/t1ys33/oys_and_dtsnear_46_years_married_and_resurrecting/ And was called out for larping and incongruence. These appear painfully obvious to MRP but it isn't as obvious to me. I would love your pov on what jumps out as larping here? I ask in hopes of recognizing it when I do it. What I saw was a guy trying to take a victory lap and feeling good because he is happier with his life now. Also I saw he positioned himself strongly in the post but also showed he is okay with some the shit his wife gives him, very much in her head, and tolerating obligation sex.",,6,[deleted],2022-02-26 18:24:17 askMRP,t0j9h6,"Out of town for a while, how can I make the best of this?","Due to my job, I need to go out of town for about a month and a half. I won't likely be home the whole time, so that means I'll be forced into the scenario of being in an LDR. I figure while I'm away, I should use the time to focus on myself and do what I can to entertain/better myself. \- Exercise \- Study \- Hobbies \- Get out on my own The point of this question is to see if there are any major holes in my game plan, or any big opportunities to being out of the house for a long period of time that aren't immediately obvious.",,1,Hot_Spinach9219,2022-02-24 19:31:41 askMRP,sq3jcc,Advice on leading discipline issue," Stats: been at this (9) months, lifts in last OYS. Read 90% of sidebar. Would appreciate feedback on a recent issue. My wife has been vocal lately about feeling less than me or that she is subordinate to me, complaining often about how she does not feel valued or good enough. I see it in the way she acts as she is not opening up and is actually closing off more as I progress lately. Truth is I have closed off somewhat emotionally to focus on myself but I’ve also been explicit to a fault several times the past few months about areas that I am concerned she is not bringing value to my life. For example, I’ve tasked her many times with cooking dinner (I often make bfast during the week for all and cook on weekends, because I enjoy doing it) and frequently she finds excuses not to cook dinner. A few times I’ve noted “I asked you previously to make dinner, I don’t ask much (she’s a SAHM with one kid at home) and you haven’t done it.” But for the last few weeks, I’ve stopped asking or stating anything about it as I see being explicit is not working in my situation. Early this week one of our boys was sent home from school because of something he did. I discussed with him at length the seriousness of what he did and informed him there would be no screens for the week as a result. The next few days he really turned it around and even superseded other areas in his life with notable improvements in attitude and accomplishing his tasks. So last night I told him he could have his Nintendo back early because of his huge work and improvement that I noticed. My wife overhears this and states that “dad is being nice but we previously decided there would be no screens for the week.” Kid is now confused and upset. I then state that “I decided that I was ending it early” and walked away. She then pulls me aside and pleads with me to get on the same page with him not having the Nintendo for the rest of the week. I said, “no, I decided it was ending early” and started to walk away. She’s now pulling at me and is begging at this point to “please do not undermine me, I need us to get on the same page.” I could see she was desperate for me to agree with her. But I simply reiterated again that “no, I made my decision” and walked off. I left a half hour later to do some previously planned shopping. That night she insulted me and threatened divorce and all kinds of mouth shit which I ignored and went to bed. This AM she awoke and made a shitty comment and again insulted me. I said “it sounds like you’re upset about something.” She said “yes”, and continued to insult me. I listed then calmly said, “I can’t help you when you insult me.” I didn’t want this shit going on for another few days and was also doubting myself in how I handled the situation the night before. So later this AM I pulled her aside and said “look, one of the things I admire about you is your ability to often take the high road. I’ve thought about last night and decided I could have handled the situation better and found a solution that worked for all of us. So, I regret that I didn’t do that.” She then explained how she feels undermined like I’m bossing her around, that she talks about this in therapy ever week, then and walked off. I left and went about my day and she is still huffing and puffing and bitching about everything. Oh well. I would appreciate insight on how I could’ve handled this better? My thought was I needed to lead her out of her shitty mood and also that I could have truly led the decision on the Nintendo like a better captain. For example, I could have discussed with her in a way that led to us coming back to our son on the issue as a team and made her feel valued but at the time I didn’t want to placate her (my ego at work). I now feel this is such a small issue and I need to save boundaries for serious matters and not be so inflexible and such a hard ass with her on something I really don’t care about. I was more concerned in the moment with making sure I was “in charge” and I see now how f’n stupid that sounds.",,9,ryaninthesky123,2022-02-11 16:36:40 askMRP,smsuwj,Gangster rappers/musicians/producers,"What is everybody’s take on the worth of gangster rappers or musicians who contribute bangers to society in contradiction to being a peaceful bringer of value to society and humanity. the value of men in the music industry is high, but one must also take into account for one’s own happiness, the value of what they bring to others. the expression of art in all its forms creates connection between humans which stands for a proof of humanity, outside our own animalistic instincts. i am also confused as to no moralizing, would someone care to explain all in all, shall one go for good of self, or good of all.",,0,SonnyRue,2022-02-07 15:28:40 askMRP,sj1dee,Got In Trouble for Affair with Coworker,"Stats: 56 yo; no lifts; make very good money Today an affair with one of my coworkers was discovered and now I feel like everyone knows about it. There have been a lot of cases recently at work around sexual harassment and affairs. I was leading a lot of this sensitivity training but now have been found out. I decided to quit to try and save some damage. There are even some photos of me with the coworker around and I'm scared that she might now be fired too. She's also mad this came out and is embarrassed by it. How can I smooth things over so she doesn't leave me? I really don't have anyone else right now and it feels like the whole world is against me. Please help.",,0,ThisIsJeffZ,2022-02-02 22:04:57 askMRP,shviez,Responding to getting asked for favors with hints for sex,"I’m trying to navigate if this is a power play of some sort or just me being Rambo. In the morning my wife will ask for me to make her a latte. Often, she’ll hint that she will have sex with me if I help “get her going”, which is referring to the coffee. So either this is a submissive damsel in distress sort of dynamic (she really NEEDS her coffee)… …or… She’s trying to use it as a power play to keep me as her servant. For me, I like to make her coffee, and I also like sex, so I’m cool with it. But, I’m curious as she LOVES to ask me to do lots of little things should could do herself and I remember reading in one of the resources (don’t remember which) that you shouldn’t be a slave to her every waking desire (e.g. if something is 2 feet away, don’t get it just because she asks),",,6,Visual_Pack_2206,2022-02-01 13:55:41 askMRP,shbwh2,Pulling attention and commitment vs stonewalling like a bitch.,"35 years old, married 6 years, together 7 years, 2 children. Books read: WISNIFG, MMSLP, NMMNG, Rational Male book 1 Fitness: 265 lb bench, 345 squat, 405 deadlift, 175 lb overhead press; currently training in Muay Thai and BJJ Height/weight/bf: 5’6, 178 lbs, roughly 19% bf I’m currently working on my MAP. I’ve been trying to internalize the concepts of frame, dread, and shutting the fuck up. I understand the importance of boundaries and enforcing them. I find myself struggling with the concept of pulling time and attention away. Before I started on my MAP, I desperately sought validation from my wife. This would show itself during times where I felt disrespected or when she would cross a boundary that I had no intention of enforcing. I would ignore her and refuse to answer any question she may ask me. I wouldn’t separate myself from her because I felt she needed to see that I’m pissed off. In other words, stonewalling like a bitch. This would eventually turn into her asking me what my problem is followed by massive amounts of gaslighting on her part and DEERing on my part until I eventually get worn out and give up. After realizing the bitter truth of my validation-seeking behaviors, I find myself trying to pull my time and attention away without caring so much about her validating my feelings. Now I focus on my work, fitness, and children. Keeping myself busy. The issue comes when she tries to actively seek me out to initiate conversation just for the sake of talking. It usually ends with me saying “I don’t want to talk to you about this right now.” I say this in a calm, stoic voice but it’s clear to us both I am very pissed off. Sometimes, when I’m playing with my children without her, she will try to involve herself in the game, resulting in me separating myself from the game. This method does result in her correcting her bullshit but I still think I have this dread thing all wrong. Am I doing this dread thing all wrong? Did I just find a more elaborate way to stonewall like a bitch?",,8,K1ngOfClubs,2022-01-31 20:54:11 askMRP,sgv3d8,NMMNG companion book worth it?,"Noticed that there’s the “No More Mr. Nice Guy: The Heroes Journey” book by Michael Parisner that Glover does a forward for. Anyone here read it and think it’s worth the 8+ hours audio book?",,7,Visual_Pack_2206,2022-01-31 07:08:34 askMRP,sgl8z3,"Advice? Brand new, but this seems to be working! BUT, I need someone to rate my first-go and tell me what I could have done better…","Listened to The Superior Man, then SGM and then tried practicing dominance on my wife of 10 years in the bedroom in the middle of the day (not normal sexy time for us). Basically grabbed her hair, told her she was mine, and when she resisted, I picked her up, threw her over my knee and spanked her. This seems crazy to me, but she acted like she liked it. I mean, we have sex like 2-3 times a week, but I’ve never seen her enjoy our interaction like that. Our sex has grown sort of boring besides the once every two months wild ride where she seems like a sex goddess. She’s complained of lacking desire and wanting me to be more dominant and less needy. I’ve hated that she hasn’t been desiring me and much of the sex we’ve had seems like she’s just tolerating it. BUT she’s very willing to do that because she loves me. I want more for her for the both of us, though. Anyway, back to this encounter: everything was pretty playful (even slightly rough as we began wrestling), and I saw the gateway to it actually turning into sex. It got to the point that I had her on her stomach with her hands stretched out and me holding them. I pulled her underwear down and spanked her again. About that time, her voice got more serious and she asked to stop (she’d asked me to stop a few other times, but it sounded playful so I kept going). I began to feel afraid that I was “being bad” and that I should “respect her”. This was maybe the “final block” that I should have pushed through, but… 1. it was my first go and I have limited knowledge of these methods so I didn’t want to screw it up by being overly forceful (though I think that’s maybe the point, so someone help me out here), and… 2. I was sort of nervous and didn’t have an erection so actually starting to fuck her would have taken more time for me to get it up with manual stimulation. So, I got off her after making her beg. Then a few minutes later I told her I wanted her, and she said flirtatiously “let me work out first so I can get pumped up, before I get pumped up.” Then I threw her on the bed and said “don’t tell me when I can have it…if I wanted to do you now, I would have. I just want my pussy to get sweaty first.” She laughed/giggled and I walked off feeling good, but felt I could have actually fucked her if I wasn’t so careful/concerned I was going too far. I’ve only been into MRP for about 2 weeks, so I know I’ve got to keep reading and learning, but this is like crazy results in my opinion. But, if anyone can critique or provide feedback (especially about the fact that I got SO close but caved), I’d love that. (Not looking for “get fit!”. I’m fit, muscular, dress nicely, etc.) Thanks! *Update: About 45 mins after this experience, she continued to flirt by acting scared of me—this resulted in me chasing her back into the bedroom where she tried to slam the door. I muscled through, then did the SGM recommendation to slam the door by pushing her up against it. Again, all this seemed to excite her. But I struggled with figuring out how to transition to having sex. I feel like this is the “beta” me still un-initiated to the ways. (Maybe part of it is that we had sex like 2 days ago, so I’m not at 100% sexual urge.) About 15 mins later I came back and she asked if I was going to pin her up against the bed, but decided to not do that because I wanted to be unpredictable. Not sure if that was the best thing to do, but it seemed natural. Again, I’m so new so any feedback is welcome! **Another update: aimed for sex this evening (same day as the story above) and just could find the gusto to make it happen, which probably sounds crazy considering it went well earlier. Given, she’s been feeling off the last few days as she hasn’t PMDD symptoms (like PMS on steroids), but I don’t like excuses. I think it’s something I did or did not do. I could have just pressed the issue, but felt like if I did the lack of internal energy would have resulting in her getting angry and me probably backing down. I would have used to blame her, which feels horrible. Now I’m blaming myself and asking “why don’t I have the internal force to make this happen”. Part of me wonders if it’s that she doesn’t like feeling like she’s not in control, so it’s a bit of a shit-test 🤷‍♂️",,0,Visual_Pack_2206,2022-01-30 22:48:23 askMRP,sfora5,Ready to be Roasted VP,"43 YO, Married 10, together 15. Wife is 39. Where to start... Found MRP in 2016 as BP pussy and went hard for a couple years and made some modest gains. Had to dig deep this morning to find my old handle and my post history was enlightening. Nothing has changed because I completely back slid and am in WAY deeper shit now. While on MRP had decent map with weak frame, this allowed me to coast fairly well combined with some marriage therapy, we were doing okay for a solid 1.5 years. Finally conceded to children with the wife's fertility treatments and hit the lottery with triplets. Yea. Wife's pregnancy was a golden period in our relationship, She was happy as fuck and a joy to be around, so fucking sweet. Now convinced hormone imbalances play a major role in our marriage. Only hiccup was sex was painful for her during pregnancy and she was with triplets so I slipped into old fap habits after 2-3 years of MRP. Then the kids came. Holy fuck. Enter major debilitating postpartum depression. At this point I was caring for the three babies and her. Feedings, diapers, baths, food for us. The whole fucking thing. Anyone who has young children... Just sit with that mental picture for a minute. Managed to keep my high paying high-stress job for a total of six weeks and then caved. Agreed to sell our house and move to another town to be closer to her family (I have done this three times now in different iterations). Moved her mom in with us to ""Help"". I create a solid plan, take capital from savings, open a new business in new said town while trying to maintain frame, care for her, three babies and now also her mom. Turns out mom doesn't cook, clean or really help in any way. Then Covid hits and one week into new biz I am closed by the state health dept. I continue to pump money into commercial rent and drain remaining capital for 3 months until I finally concede and close shop. Back to fap, back to alcohol, exercising like crazy to try and deal with stress and anxiety Wife has high pay corporate job with amazing benefits and was able to collect pay while on postpartum disability, She easily slides back into remote work while I care most other things that need to happen like childcare and cooking, cleaning etc. Kids are now 2.5 years and I have been their mommy since day one. Childcare has had to be a team effort but, it is very hard for her. At times, she finds no joy in it. Currently, she makes breakfast, gives baths after work and will hang with them on weekends. She is often frustrated around them. This covid thing is fucking us on childcare. We have been unable to find a nanny or daycare up until now. Daycare is often closed for weeks due to positive kids. Stress is killing me. Have been in emergency room multiple times over last 2 years with heart attack symptoms. Was initially diagnosed with panic attacks but, more investigation also reveals advanced coronary artery disease (genetic, Dad started this shit early 40's as well). Weekly nuclear shit tests send me into full chest pain and occasionally to ER. Told her after a recent conflict that I am done. Now sleeping in separate rooms (my choice). I don't think I will survive very much longer with the constant heart attack scares. Really fucking lost. My current weak ass MAP. I love her and the kids. Ideal situation would be to get help with and continue marriage. Get control of heart condition, neck / back injuries and anxiety. Get kids into solid daycare and get my ass back to work. This has been the plan for sometime and is not working. Currently 6'1"" 175, 10% BF Cycling and lifting light (nursing a couple injuries), daily meditation, weaning back off alcohol, started a 30 day alcohol detox today and may keep off permanently for the heart. Experimenting with veg diet to appease cardiologist for the last 60 days and cholesterol is now in normal range. Statins have me feeling like shit and constantly sick from kids, not sleeping. Let the beatings begin...",,16,pildorado,2022-01-29 18:49:57 askMRP,ses1y0,"Initiations and ""Playful"" LMR","34yo, 6'0, 179.1#, ~13.1% BF (navy), 2 kids 5/3/1: DL 210x9, OHP 110x3, SQ 215x6, BP 155x8 My initiations are not working the way I want them to. For context, most times when we have sex historically, it's during ovulation and she is ""ready"" to. I was in the zone last night, feeling that big dick energy and decided I wanted to fuck. I gave my wife an ass squeeze when she got home and I hear, ""I don't like that"". I blow past it with A&A and get a smirky, ""Oh you"" look with an eye roll. Later in the night about an hour or two before bed, I told her I'm going upstairs, show starts in 2 minutes. I didn't actually want to watch a show, I wanted her in the bedroom. She comes up and says ""I don't like it when you order me around"". I A&A everything and have fun with it and she responds positively. I was genuine DNGAF. We have a lot of flirty, jabbing banter for about 10 minutes, and there is a definite charge in the air. There is no ambiguity that I want to fuck and I'm confident we both know this. Eventually I'm ready to fuck, so I say, ""it sounds like you need the sass spanked out of you"" with a smile and pull her toward me. But as soon as I escalate, she throws on the brakes with LMR. It's the same script every time. Smiles and smirks during resistance for a few minutes. e.g., ""Stop or I'm going to kick you!"" I keep pushing because this is clearly some playground, girl-pushes-boy stuff. But after a while, the tone becomes serious. ""I keep telling you I don't like it when, blah blah"". All the levity and fun is gone. I think it boils down to one or a combination of three things: (1) she wants to be in control of sex and isn't into it with me (her overt mouth noises are true, I'm not attractive, ""I'm not submitting to this sad sack""), (2) it's a big shit test and she wants me to blast past the resistance and get REAL, or (3) she wants feelz for free. *If* it is a shit test, I've been reading a bit about brats and I'm definitely getting that vibe. Very sassy, lots of backtalk and button pushing in a playful way. She mirrors me. During banter she tries to get a rise out of me, but it's not straight disrespect, it's over petty stuff. We both have a lot of fun. But blowing past the second-stage ""real"" resistance I describe above would have a very rapey tone. I have no problem with getting dominant during sex, but if I don't already know she's into that and I'm wrong about it being a shit test, that's pretty uncomfortable for me because, well it's basically sexual assault. At this point, I'm just about over it. I love the fun banter and creating that tension, it fits me and my style. I like initiating sex that way. But when it's time to convert I get shut down, and I get the sense that I'm a chump giving out feelz and my time for free. I've read the post about not being funny during initiations, but for me, I'm not hedging bets. Maybe I'm missing the point. Game is supposed to be fun and that's how I have fun with it, we both know I want to fuck. I'm not the strong, silent, Christian Gray type, it's not congruent or interesting for me. Has anybody seen a dynamic like this before? I know I'm missing something but I can't see it. Any thoughts are appreciated. **EDIT: This Bill Burr bit is exactly what I'm talking about: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GZ3QHTpMZgQ",,9,redside_up,2022-01-28 14:28:48 askMRP,sadurq,“Am I a good wife?”,"Laying in bed yesterday morning and I get this question, second paragraph of words out of the mouth, after “Morning, love you, what’s the plan for today?” Stats: Married 3y - Together 5, No kids yet. Lifts: Squats 60kgs, Deadlifts 102.5kgs, Bench 80kgs, Overhead Press 57.5kgs, Barbell Row 65kgs. BF% 15-20% (Believe 17-18) getting scan end of the week, end of Strongs lifts 12week. (Background/Context: 3-4 months into the MAP (currently reading the material, at BBP stage 3 getting busy, getting hobbies) Sexual frequency hood, few times a week, she initiates, I initiate, no issues on that front. Her shit tests, mood and engagement are significantly better. A lot more comfort we’re trying for a baby). In the past I have gotten the “Am I fat?/Do you think I’ve gained weight?” [I have played it off as](https://youtu.be/FHC1pQ4Yzq4) as suggested by Patrice O’Neil. If pushed into a “Answer me straight!” I would be honest and hurt her feelings, but she’s not fat, she’s gained weight, which she’s since sorting out. So initially when I got “Am I a good wife?” I STFU. Then I got “I was having a dream, and everyone was telling me what was wrong with me, and that was on the list, so am I a good wife. Again I STFU. We smashed shortly after then I get it again later, a little more prepared I respond “What kind of wife do you think you are?” (Let the hamster do the work) “You could just say yes or no?!”, the follow up “Well I know you know how to be a great wife”. A little arse grab and leave the room. Even though things have significantly improved, they’re not where I want them yet. Looking to understand if these types of questions are typical and any feedback on how this maps to the typical journey, and if it was handled well. There’s been no blow ups/shit tests since. I really have had struggled with the subtle communication in the past. Thanks",,3,[deleted],2022-01-22 22:25:36 askMRP,s5qftv,Can no longer cope with an aggressive 2nd officer,"I discovered RP recently and have been lifting for the past few weeks at home (beginners bench press, barbell curls, push ups etc). Read about half of NMMNG. M(35) to wife(30) with a kid(6) married for 7 years. I'm 5'6, 180lb. Make about $48k living check to check in an expensive city. USA. Sex is once or twice a month as most of the month is spent receiving the silent treatment or just bitchy attitude in general from the wife(e.g. wife would yell at me or curse me out in front of the kid for small stuff). She has gone from being religious in name to praying 5 times a day and has hard time reciting complicated verses so for a prayer that takes a person 5 minutes, she ends up spending 45 minutes on each x5 so whatever little time she's home after work, she spends praying. We used to go out to the movies once a month or watch our fav shows together and now she tells me its against her religious beliefs and doesn't want anything to do with that. so we don't have anything in common. Long Tanger but the last time we had a fight we didn't talk for over a month and she stays over at her parents house. I'm going crazy missing my kid in another state and then she calls me with a list conditions. ""If you don't start praying"", ""if you don't stop mentally torturing me"" then she's ready to file for divorce. I say what of the child. It's not their fault. She tells me kids can grow up without one parent missing. I can take her out to eat and even then it feels fake, she doesn't talk much or take any interest. I've gone from receiving BJs early in the marriage to now sleeping weeks at a time sleeping alone while she sleeps with the kid. The only time she gave me any attention / affection is when I left abroad for a few weeks recently to see my parents and she started texting/calling me asking when i'll come back and she misses me. I guess because she suspected I might stay away for long. Or when I took a few days off to take her to a tourist resort (which is hard to do frequently because of my finances). I don't remember the last time she says she loves or me or partake in a kiss that wasn't initiated by me. Wife was stay at home for most of the marriage but recently started working and doesn't contribute a single $ from her salary towards the house. She keeps telling me she can't pay because she has $4k in CC debt because she bought some furniture a few months ago when we moved to the new city (even though she has made almost double that working part time in her job since we moved). I make about $48k living in an expensive city (just so she's close to her family) and 100% of the expenses (rent, utilities, groceries) etc are paid by me. I've asked wife to help a bit pay even just pay a 3rd of her part time job's income and while she agreed initially when forcing me to move to the this city where her parents live, she hasn't paid at all in any of the last 5,6 months we've been here). And now says its a man's job to provide (typical sub continent mentality where woman runs the house/kitchen and the man provides) but the issue is, she is working 5,6 days a week now and even the kitchen stuff is done 70% by me. She cooks once or twice a week on her day off. Initially she needed my permission to get the job and she and her parents sat me down to basically convince me to let her work and the idea was she'll work part time so she'll still be able to take care of the house while I work full time and she'll contribute a bit from her salary since we're living in an expensive city now just for her happiness but she has switch her days ot full time since then and now tells me I can leave her if I want to but she won't reduce her days. She constantly berates me in front of that kid saying I'm not ""able to provide for her and which is why she had to start working "" (fully knowing 100% of my income goes towards the house and I take her out once or twice a month and give her some allowance monthly with whatever little money I've left each month). I know I've been a terrible captain and am improving myself, took up an online developer course towards a better career path (which'll pay off in a year) and also have a job offer waiting from a city department after clearing a competitive exam (if i'm impatient and choose to go that route) which'll double my income in a few years of service. She'd tell me frequently how she hates me and she's with me just for the kid. I've said the same back to her in the past but now I STFU most of the time especially when the kid is around. She has involved her family and friends in every single episode. E.g. If she wants money for bringing in a whole month of grocery at once and I've little money left and tell her to buy just for the week, she calls up her mom and tries to put me down telling her ""he wont pay for the grocery"" or like this morning she text me asking money for some hygene stuff she needed and I told her it'll come in the mail as I already placed an order for it a few days ago. She hated that she had to come get that item from the house (she spent the night at her parents with the kid) and reminded me how I'm not a husband and that she hates me. (I checked our bank account and she got paid earlier the same morning but she still asks me for small amounts even though she sees our joint account with my salary has $0 left after paying the rent and the CC bills) I keep mostly to myself and don't even get into arguments anymore as she'd raise her voice so much that it drowns anything I have to say. It can be minor stuff like she wasn't home the other day and her friend brought some food. The fridge was full to the brim so there was zero space to put it anywhere. She comes home and blows up at me why I didnt put it in the fridge and I didn't care for the food she asked her friend for. I said there's no space in the fridge and she tells me ""you should have made some space!!"". I feel like shit most of the time, being constantly put down while working my ass off at a barely entry level job for now where I hadn't had a raise in 5 years. Earlier today she broke a plastic piece on my electric bike as she takes it to work and when I asked her what happened, she looks into my eyes and tells me she doesn't know anything about that and that she didn't break it and reminds me the bicycle is the least I can give to her as I'm not able to provide financially for her. I tell her I pay for everything in the house and this leads to her blowing up again and calling me all kinds of names, eventually ending with calling me (translated: a lowly sewage worm"". I just STFU after that while she got up and left with my bicycle to spend the night at her mom's again wiht the kid. The kid spending the weekends at grandparents has been going on for months as well. When she has a fight, she spends the 2,3 nights of the weekend there so she doesn't have to cook or do any house stuff and then bring the kid back on mondays. I've asked a few times to move to a cheaper city abroad in my home country but she tells me she's never going back to live with my parents back home and she'd rather divorce me. I'm stuck bw a rock and a hard place as that means saying good bye to my kid who I've bonded with strongly. Wife also wants another child and have given me an ultimatum if we don't plan for a kid in a few months she'll leave. I've been pushing it off by 6months to a year a few times as I know its like hitting myself with an axe. She's not the kind of person I'd commit to another 20-28 years of my life with another kid. Not with the current attitude and atmosphere of the house. So it seems its a Loss:Loss for me in a few months and I've to lose my kid. She's the kind of vengeful person who will make sure I never get to see the kid again and I'm expecting a divorce r\*pe. I now regret bringing the kid into such a house as I was stupid enough not to understand the kind of person I tied the knot with beforehand. She doesn't care about the affects on the kid when she's mad and would curse / go crazy full volume while the kid keeps saying they're scared and there tummy hurts. At that point I either leave the house or go to my room to defuse but I know its terrible for both myself and the kid. I know RP is about improving and saving oneself but do I have any chance of saving this before I'm able to hit my lifting/financial goals (which'll take 6-12 months)",,9,foreverBluePill,2022-01-17 00:47:06 askMRP,s3xhp4,Sidebar resources on game,"I've read all the books and resources in the sidebar, except for WISNIFG, which I'm currently reading. There don't seem to be any titles specifically on game. There are pieces in MMSLP, of course, but beyond that, does everyone just recommend the classics, like Mystery, The Game, and Bang? Thanks!",,4,sk8fuk,2022-01-14 17:15:53 askMRP,s32srf,Beginner question: LTR is moody when accompanying me on work trip,"Hi MRP, long-time lurker here. Not married, but this community is the best I know of for LTR advice. Hoping you can help out a beginner. LTR is great for the most part. Lots of green flags, sex is good, she helps out with my business, cooks a mean lasagna. But like all women these days she is prone to stress and anxiety. She'll get into a funk where she kind of sulks around and watches TikTok. At home this is fine, if she's in a mood I'll just go out to the gym or do work and generally not give much attention. But last month she came with me on a work trip to Denver. It was a conference, where I did some work and networking but it was also a chance to explore a new city. A number of times, the two of us would be out getting lunch or dinner and she'd get into one of her moody states. Looking glum and low-energy, short responses to my conversation, scrolling through her phone. Who knows why: too hungry, too full, too much AC in the restaurant, stressed about her parents' health whatever. She's not throwing a big fit or saying anything disrespectful, so it feels like overkill to say anything overt like stop being a bitch. I'll usually start by joking around and seeing if she snaps out of it, but usually she doesn't. The standard advice is to withdraw attention and go do something else, but this is a bit tougher in a travel situation where she doesn't know the area or have any friends here, and often we are sharing a key to the hotel or AirBnB. Since she also chose to come along on my work trip, it feels weird to just send her back to the hotel while I go and enjoy the city on my own after just a mild transgression. On the other hand, it feels wrong to send the signal that it's normal to sulk through our meals together. EDIT: thanks for the responses. Main point taken is learn to not care if she's being moody. As I said, this is easy at home because I can just go do something else. If she's being sullen in the middle of a meal out I should probably get in the habit of joking around with the wait staff or something else to occupy myself.",,12,Individual-Ranger708,2022-01-13 16:05:00 askMRP,s015vo,LTR not atracttive to me anymore,"Hello askMRP, hope you are doing great Im looking for your objective advice on what to about my situation. I (28M) have been in a long term relationship for almost 8 years and for the past year I have felt that my 33F girlfriend is just not attractive to me anymore. I dont want to fuck and kissing feels forced, she has become lazy and gained at least 20kg 44lb since we met, we share no other hobby than watch netflix, and even when we do that she is on her phone all the time so we dont interact. I have tried to motivate her to change the things above for the last year but nothing, I really cared about her, we laugh a lot and joke around but there is something missing. I excercise regularly and take care of myself, I have even heard my female coworkers talk about me and how good I look. One of whom shared a couple of beers in her apartment (we live in the same building ) and we got really close in a romantic way, probably next time we can get even closer and kiss or have sex. Im not the unfatithful type but is really testing my willpower. Thank you very much for reading",,8,ikhfd2021,2022-01-09 20:49:19 askMRP,rtcv44,The phermonal beta and the pherominal alpha,"In Rational male , there is this passage where he speaks that men who consistently masturbate are essentially broadcasting their status as pheromonal beta . If you are chronically depleted of testosterone, and/or subjected to the calming effects of oxytocin your sexual viability is at a disadvantage. In fact, from an evolutionary standpoint, the Beta males of our feral hunter-gatherer beginnings would be more prone to masturbation as a sexual release since, theoretically, they would’ve had less access to breeding opportunities than Alpha males. It would then follow that definitive, subconscious behavioral and chemical cues would evolve to aid females in selecting the best mate for parental investment. Moreover, In another rewording , Masturbation is a buffer . You are not a man enough to fuck the real women . There is quite the study outthere that people with high testesterone are more likely to have more potential chances with females because they broadcast sexual frame through formones . In the 4 Hour body , The author experiences that when he starts working to improve his testesterone by actual variables from food , exercises , and some suplements and showering with cold . The side effects is good sex but more is more attention from the females like this is a spell . Have you noticed that in your life ? Can you tell me stories where a beta you know who masturbates is a failing while an alpha who contains his sexual impluse and release it only in sex is ? ---",,0,[deleted],2022-01-01 05:55:47 askMRP,rqyhqx,Own your shit for TRP?,"Does normal TRP have an own your shit weekly thread? I like the theme of OYS, and want to post on the MRP thread, but I'm not married.",,11,Firebrand-Xana,2021-12-29 03:56:05 askMRP,rp6zck,Probably a basic question," A month ago my wife told me that I was emotionally absent and she didn’t feel loved by me and that I had pulled away. She wasn’t wrong, for the better part of the last 15 months we put the kids to bed then I disappear into the basement, turn on the television, and drink until I’m tired. She had come to this realization about two months before she told me, at that time she more or less completely shut down, I noticed but didn’t really do anything except pester her about what was wrong. After she told me we had multiple “talks”, I’ve since read NMMNG and everything I said could be an example in the book of what not to do. I stumbled across the MRP subreddit about 5 days ago and recognized that I used to live my life in a manner that more closely resembled an RP man. I’ve since read NMMNG, started MMSLP, and read through a bunch of the recommended posts and some OYS posts. Before I even knew what the issue was, I had already started lifting again, significantly cleaned up my diet, and stopped drinking. Today she told me that she notices that I’ve made changes but she’s hurting and can’t keep crying herself to sleep every night, that she needs space to heal and that she can’t do it with me constantly there as a reminder of the man who stopped loving her. She wants to separate for some period of time, 3 months or something. This would look like us getting a furnished apartment and sharing that while also splitting time in our existing house with our young children. Having barely dipped my toe in this I’m not sure where to go from here. This post is pretty much just a hail marry for advice from people who have already made this journey.",,13,Beginingtoimplement,2021-12-26 22:04:17 askMRP,rl5ky1,Am I fucking up?," Age 35, Height: 5’9, Weight: 170, BF \~17% (Comparing images on internet). Married 5 years, together 12. Have 2 daughters 3yr and 1yr. Have read: NMMNG, WISNIFG. 25% into both MMSLP and MAP. Read sidebar. Lift 5+ times a week. Found MRP about 2 month ago &#x200B; Not sure how to handle these situations and it has now happened twice this week. Don't want to Rambo or do something stupid but also don't want to be BP. My wife likes apologies for a lot of things and previous BP life has made this somewhat common. Since I started reading the books and MRP content I have been trying and improving my backbone and frame. As a result, I am trying to set some boundaries here and am now constantly having to reiterate on several occasions that I'm not apologizing when I don't think I did anything wrong (but will own it if I believe I did fuck up). Tonight, she wanted an apology for me making a dinner for myself while she watched our two young kids, and thus I was selfish. I broken recorded I'm not apologizing for not doing anything wrong. She started making it about me not caring about her feelings. I held ground. I would say I'm not afraid of confrontation like I used to be which means I can be calm but assertive. The thing is, she started crying, shaking, and just getting super emotional. Something she hasn't really done in years. I held firm still. She pulled me in the other room so we wouldn't do this in front of our kids and is saying she doesn't want to be with someone who doesn't apologize for upsetting their partner's feeling. I said I do care about her but don't feel I should apologize since I did nothing wrong. She is shaking a lot and after a while I just say I am sorry for upsetting her and go back to making dinner. She stays in bathroom. Like 10 min later I'm ready to eat and need her help watching the kids. She is lying on ground. I asked what she is doing and she said something about being miserable and me not loving her. I told her I love her a lot, kiss her on the head, and walk away. I pretty much STFU rest of night and we both mostly return to normal although you can see in her eyes she is clearly sad. Night ends with me putting our youngest to bed as she says goodnight and goes to bed, no kiss or anything. My question is if this seems like I am handling this well? Am I going to hard too early? Should I be handling this differently? This exact scenario happened more or less 2 nights ago.",,9,reborndude,2021-12-21 03:58:49 askMRP,rkf8ih,"Lurking for a while, thought I'd post something.","Well, this is my first field report so expect fuckery. But I do have a question at the end of it. 6'2"" 130 pounds BF <5% 25 x 10 bench slow reps TRM: I learned about hypergamy, and all that it entails. I am skeptical of it's complete power over women, but acknowledge it's something women have to deal with. When I say no: Broken record is extremely useful. I used it to fight back against my verbally abusive dad. Testosterone: ??? not checked yet. Interactions (Having sex = 0) (Flirting = 13)/ rejections 0 1 Thot to chill with Don't know her name, but I flirted with the chick at the gym when I first got there. She giggled, smiled, and took the time to say goodbye twice before I left the place. I'm reading too much into it, but she does like me. Ain't got no wife I'm continually improving, and fairly wealthy. I work on my projects in my free time. Making guns, and forging metal. Dread LVL 1-2 Just the start, I also dress well, and I have a life apart from girls. 4 months until I'm an attractive man with options. I already have options when it comes to wealth, and I'm fairly attractive. But I ain't anything special, and haven't interacted (in any way beyond passive flirtation) with women recently. Dumbfuck questions: When does the pain stop? I've quit porn, started working out, eating healthy, and can stand up for myself. But I'm sore from my neck down, and horny as fuck. That, and the people around me hate that I'm not a pushover. I'm being hit from every angle, but girls seem to like me. So, on top of that, do people stop being retarded, does your body adapt, and why the fuck am I so goddamn horny?",,0,Firebrand-Xana,2021-12-20 05:04:39 askMRP,rito2q,Falling Off the Wagon,"Married 14 years. I am almost 43. Wife turned 40 this year. 2 Kids, 8yo and 1.5 yo. I am white, she is Mexican. I work, she stays home with kids. Around 3 years ago I got frustrated with my marriage (mid life crisis I suppose). Basic lack of respect, giving up too many things in life (friends, hobbies, etc). Life seemed to just revolve around my wife's plans, taking the kid out...which was fine, but I never really got to do any thing for myself. She tried to get me to attend a church I did not agree with, which was very aggravating. Somehow I discovered TRP and started reading. Bought a bunch of books and tried applying the concepts. Started going to the gym, dressing better, making more money, etc. Learned about game and dread game, and started feeling the anger/resentment phase of the journey I guess. My wife went out of town a few months later, and I finally felt free to do something for myself. I went to an open mic to play guitar, which I had quit doing for many years. I went out partying late one time, which was fun and cathartic, but just kind of silly. I actually spent most of the time remodeling the bathroom with the neighbor. So, again working hard for no appreciation. When my wife got back from the trip, I got all kinds of push-back on the guitar stuff. I told her I really needed music in my life. Ironically, I met her because I was in a band. She says she likes that I play guitar, but somehow it's always a problem when I actually want to do it. A few months later I go on a business trip. Wife has been increasing the nagging in general, complaining she stays home with the kid while I go out (never mind I am just trying to pay the bills). At a conference I get some mild attention from a very young girl. I later email a friend of mine, partially bragging, partially frustrated that a girl half my age can show respect and appreciation but my wife hates me. So, somehow later my wife gets suspicious, logs into my email and finds the email, my ebooks on Red Pill and game – and of course goes total ape shit. She tried get me to burn the paperbacks, but I got them back safely to my office. To her it’s proof I cheated. In reality I never came close to cheating but that doesn’t matter. Fast forward a few months and the wife gets pregnant. Somehow sex through all of has been good. Baby girl comes along and I basically fall off the RP wagon. I went pretty beta, balancing her needs with mine. I still managed to get some guitar jamming in and really make gains in my business, but I never really seemed to make her happy. After making it through the newborn phase, it becomes clear that the 2 bedroom house is not going to be enough. So, this summer I managed to buy a much nicer house with some land, not cheap. Not long after we move in, the shit starts flying again. She still claims I cheated and cannot get over it. She says I do not take her out and “treat her like a woman,” but I have all these other women I flirt with. She basically is super jealous and accuses me of cheated with everyone. We seem to be fighting more than ever. She has threatened divorce many times. I don’t know what to do. I guess it’s a classic problem, but I can’t seem to figure it out. If I go super alpha, DNGAF, etc, I might as well just move out and call the divorce lawyer. If I appease, I might lose myself.",,14,elvikingogringo,2021-12-17 23:24:50 askMRP,riwd74,Covert contracts,Can anyone share a link where I can learn more about these please?,,5,Weak_Argument,2021-12-18 01:44:04 askMRP,righk4,I can't stop laughing in my wifes face when she's mad AND she keeps increasing the stakes in arguments until I cave in,"Read: NMMNG, ordered WISNIFG. A lot of the posts from the sidebar. Lifting: Barely. Rehab weights due to wrist and knee surgery. Relationship: Together 11 years. I'm 28 she's 27. No kids but she's possibly pregnant now after 5 years of infertility treatments. Two problems. 1. I laugh involuntarily lots of times when my wife is mad. It's mostly really bitching over small problems and I think she's over reacting or it's just a shit test. I do know that it's not about the nail but it doesn't help to laugh in her face as it just gets her fucken fuming. Have anyone else had the same problem? I'd much prefer to be stoic in these instances and control when I'm going for AA or AM instead. 2. The wife is increasing the stakes in arguments until I cave in. It's gotten to the point where she once brought up divorce and just quitting our infertility treatments. We both want children but I want it more than she does. I said she crossed a line to what's acceptable to me in a discussion between us and went to sleep on the couch. She became super soft and begged me to get back to bed so I did (BEEEETAAAAAAA). She's quite manipulative when she wants. How do I handle these increased stakes? I don't know if she's got any limits for how far she'll go to ""win"" these situations.",,0,SirOYSalot,2021-12-17 12:33:46 askMRP,rgy6az,Any red pilled books/podcasts/youtube channels for expecting dads?,"Read: NMMNG, a majority of the sidebar and some lurking. Lifting: Yes, but really bad numbers. Working on it after recovering from some injuries and surgeries. I may be way off but does anyone have any tips for youtube/podcast/books for expecting dads? I really want to lead us through this but I've found that a lot of the content for fathers is blue pilled.",,13,SirOYSalot,2021-12-15 12:37:46 askMRP,rfkjk5,Slipped back into old behavior.,"[OYS history](https://www.reddit.com/user/ackley1900/comments/oe8etb/my_oys_links/) I am on a two-week MRP ban because people with eyes better than mine saw a lot of ""she"" in my last OYS. I read and re-read before posting, and I thought I was recounting events with me as the actor. These two weeks have shown me they were right, and I see it now. I have slipped back into old habits big time - or perhaps I never moved away from them really. A train wreck. I need help get to back on track. Here's where I am. There are two main aspects in which I believe I progressed since starting OYS. First, I am much less afraid of shit being thrown at me. I address bad behavior much sooner. The quality of these interventions is still likely poor. Second, I am much more focused on me. I took back my life, my mission, my agenda, and - in fact - my family's agenda as well. In these two weeks, I lost again ground on the second part at least. I can regulate my kids' emotions, but not my wife's. She talks to them with a scolding tone 80% of the times, and has been bitchy and nervous for more than two weeks now. I have addressed this explicitly with her several times in these days, but I am obviously not doing it well. I even let myself be dragged into a shouting argument over the phone up 24 minutes before a semi-public speaking event. I go again to sleep late, don't sleep much, and haven't lifted in two weeks. The whole damn thing. In the only evening she was outside, the kids and I had an amazing time. It was liberating. It's the first time I've seriously considered ending the relationship. I have better things to do than appeasing this shit. I have zero interest in sex with her, and I've withdrawn from her physically. She has withdrawn from me emotionally. It looks like I am in the grinding stage of [escaping sex for validation](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/l23n9p/timeline_escaping_sex_for_validation_and_quitting/), except I don't feel any interest in a path forward. I wanted to spend a few days together around Christmas time, but I lost all the appetite for it. I feel again a lot of anger. I have gone back to the wiki posts and seeing them more in perspective now. I know this is my fault. I let myself suck back into all of this. I know what I have to do: lift, read, stfu. I'm posting just in case people see something more. Or perhaps this is just a giant victim puke and I'm telling myself otherwise. \-------------------------------------------------------- EDIT. I came for advice on my wife. I got advice on myself. [This](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/rfkjk5/comment/hofdzkm/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) is what I learned. I need to act.",,14,ackley1900,2021-12-13 17:08:17 askMRP,r9z1m5,What are some good book recommendations about arguments?,"30 M 5'5"" 142 lbs 120 OHP 160 BP 180 SQ 330 DL Relevant readings: When I Say No, I Feel Guilty. The way of superior man, no more mr. nice guy. How to Win Friends and Influence People. Issue: STFU was my best asset, but sometimes I want to send a message during arguments - in relationships I have been able to stand my grounds since the people around me already respect me enough to know their lanes. I do have a problem though with general arguments to make my case in a comprehensible way with people I uncommonly meet. It's not like small unimportant talks with a friend of a friend about politics, but rather discussing financial issues with my father, recommending psychotherapy to my brother (despite denial), my sister's need to improve her driving skills before killing someone, and my in-laws when I don't want them to keep their disruptive behaviors away from my kids or personal matters. I need to be frank at such times and that may hurt people, become defensive, and they lose focus on the message and start attacking the messenger. I try to sandwich a negative comment with positive ones, but any talk almost always heats up once that negative comment leave my moth, if not getting interrupted first to hear their side of the story glorifying themselves and brushing their image in my eyes. I wish I could do this in a better way, but I don't know what I don't know. Q: Since I used google and I find books recommendations for ""Books To Help You Win Arguments"", I realized they target weakling people who wants to win battels, not wars. I'd appreciate any recommendation from redpill perspective",,12,redpillm,2021-12-06 04:57:07 askMRP,r86duo,How intense is my retard? Looking for a reality check.,"Time to let my retard shine. With sex, I have been getting better at going caveman, getting out of my own head, I have been pushing boundaries and stopped chasing her orgasm. I feel more aggressive during sex, and sex is more often now, about 4-6x week. Last few days/week, I keep getting asked by the wife some form of ""whats the matter"", ""are you mad at me"", ""is there an issue"". Noticed she seems a bit pricklier than usual, quicker to get to shit testing about nothings, some of them are even amusing enough that I started laughing. ""My constantly turning the shower head to wall, and it gets water all over the soap"" Cue me saying, nope nothing is wrong. Nothing big of it, and we move on with our day. She asks yesterday, do you have a problem with me? I say ""No, I don't have a problem, you seem to have problem, what is it?"" Something about how she doesn't have a problem, but also goes into how I am being manipulative and gas lighting her. I don't respond to the accusation, STFU, but am left wondering, why does she keep thinking I have a problem with her? Later in the day, she brings up how I always seem angry during sex. I end up smirking about it, and ask her, ""So that's why you think I have a problem with you, cause you have been asking me it a lot lately."" I tell her to come here, embraced her, held her head while making strong eye contact, told her ""I am not angry at you, there's nothing wrong."" I repeat it twice, she melts. I proceed to say ""If you had a problem, you should have told me you just wanted some softer more passionate sex... Don't worry babe next time, I am going to fuck you so softly you fall asleep"". I come home from the gym today, she's getting ready. I take the shit out of her hands, pick her up, take her to the sofa and put some gentleness into her, it became a fast gentle, no sleeping involved. It plays out mostly well, except I couldn't cum, sore legs and being gassed from the gym, I just didn't have the stamina to finish. She seemed satisfied and went to work happy. So my questions. How retarded am I? What am I looking at here, I haven't been accused of angry sex before, and I don't think I'm angry. I am enjoying the caveman and letting go during sex, I find it much more fun. Am I being Rambo?",,4,faltered_complacency,2021-12-03 18:59:53 askMRP,r885zq,Creepy coworker at LTRs workplace. Unsure how to proceed,"My LTR (late 20s) works at a gas station. She likes the job, as it is largely a social space for her and her female coworkers. Recently, a new guy has started working there. He has ""accidentally"" groped a number of coworkers, makes overt sexual comments, and causes discomfort among the (largely young, female, attractive) staff. Sometimes I go there to buy gas, and if my girlfriend is on shift I will stop and chat for a couple minutes if I have the time. Her coworkers have provided opportunities to create dread etc in the past. I went in earlier today. This guy was on shift. He approached me and introduced himself. Showered me in compliments, tried to tell an entertaining story. I watched him carefully throughout. I remained amicable and polite, just looking to get a read on the guy to see if he was socially retarded, using game, or predatory. He seemed socially retarded and predatory to me. SMV 0. I've known guys who turned out to be bona fide rapists, and he came across similarly. Trying to be charming, but malignantly narcissistic and fooling nobody. Almost like he had a learning disability or something. Naturally, I am not looking to mate-guard or white-knight. However, I also do not want to permit a state of affairs in which my partner is touched inappropriately, sexually harassed etc. I lift and can fight, so could beat him if necessary. Pre-RP I might have just told my partner to be careful, report any impropriety to her manager etc. Or I may have gotten jealous and tried to intervene. Neither of these seem consistent with RP philosophy though. Any advice on how to protect LTR from legitimate danger without mate guarding and beta behaviour?",,3,Anon101918,2021-12-03 20:21:13 askMRP,r6bxn5,Found proof of old cheating and some questionable activity,"Something wasn't sitting right with me for a long time now. I checked her phone tonight while she slept, found a convo with her sister. In it was discussion about how a guy from a Vegas trip 6 years ago (that I was on with her!) messaged her recently and she feels so much guilt and shame over what she did with him. She went out with girlfriends til 5am, trickle truthed me that she went to a guys house solo but never did anything. Full disclosure, she had ditched me that night and I was butthurt so I went out with some girls, some making out, no sex. We both assumed some shit had gone down but neither would admit it, therefore I put it out of my mind. Now I cannot ignore, and she cheated on me when we first started dating, made out with a guy. Part 2. The dick pic guy, some of you might recall from my oys. Turns out she met him before we separated in January 2021, then we separated and they got a raunchy text convo going, him talking about fucking her ass butt plugs, etc. She sent him pics of her in lingerie, nude, buttplugs. This is the guy she was taking pics for while we were separated, and lied and told me she was taking pics just for her. I cannot prove she sent him shit after we got back together, she deleted that part of his and hers convo. From the convo w her sis, they had plans to meet up but never did, she got scared, felt he was a fuckboi, but she was infatuated by him. She still talks to him every couple days. This is the guy who's airbnb we went to with friends a couple OYS ago, when she was texting another guy and I knew something was up. I called her out then, saying any texting to other guys is a deal breaker for me. She agreed, still texts him (non sexually afaik). She obviously deletes some shit off her phone, but I'm not naive enough to think there isn't a 99% chance she fucked this guy too. Our relationship is fucking awful, she isn't attracted to me, she for sure fucked at least one guy. She was crying in bed tonight and told me she wasn't sure if she loved me. That's why I checked her phone. Unfortunately, she woke up as soon as I opened our bedroom door and saw I had her phone. I was going for stealth, really tried being as quiet as possible. I didn't say a word, just left for a drive at 2am as she checked to see what i could have found. I have cheated in the past also. I've fucked girls when we split up years ago. I can already feel myself wanting to make excuses for her behavior and back out of divorce. I was a loser. I still am, but I told myself if I ever find any evidence of past cheating or less than full effort on this current reconciliation, I'm out. Texting other guys is a deal breaker. Am I being a faggot for being upset about something I already deep down knew (Vegas) and using this as an excuse to quit the marriage because I'm struggling with my progress? I think I should cut my losses.",,6,DiamondUnlucky9120,2021-12-01 10:37:57 askMRP,qvzxc5,How should I have handled fight," After a few good weeks of daily sex, a week last Friday night we had sex and she didn’t come. She got very upset which turned into ranting. I mainly listened (STFU) while occasionally reassuring that I do care about her/love her. After an hour or so, I said a few times that I wanted to stop and go to sleep, as it wasn’t going anywhere. When it was still going after 2 hours, after I had said we could continue the next day, I said I was going to put some ear plugs in, and did so. She tried to pull them put of my ears. I’d had enough, and didn’t want to “lose” by me leaving the bedroom, so I tried to pick her up to carry her out of the room, intending to lock the door and go to sleep. She resisted and it turned into a scuffle for a couple of minutes before I stopped. She says she was hurt and has taken it as me having physically attacked her. I have 2 questions: 1. Could I have handled things better? If so, how? 2. She is demanding that I promise I will never physcally touch her (outside of affection etc) again. I have no intention of touching her, and only did so this time becasue of her physically trying to remove my earplugs. However, who is to say she will not do something similar in future, so I do not feel I can promise this. I did commit that I would not be physical, if she is not, but she says that she is scared and needs an absolute promise. Any thoughts?",,7,Alf248365,2021-11-17 14:01:52 askMRP,qslgow,Wife requesting I be more dominant,"When I first got together with my wife he told me she was generally submissive and wanted me to take the lead in our relationship. We dabbled in some bdsm stuff for fun in the bedroom and she seemed to appreciate my confidence and the role I took around others, but once we started living together, things went pretty vanilla and it felt like she pushed away and respected me less overall. After some medical stuff, we went through a year and a half long dry spell. When we started back up having sex again I would typically initiate with massages and the like but after a few times, she approached me and said she really wanted to start up with the power play stuff again as it's the one thing that reliably gets her in the mood. She also mentioned she wants more of that sort of thing in our every day lives as well that isn't just about sex but I honestly don't know what to do with that and it seems to bum her out. She doesn't want to just tell me things as ideas either because she says doing so ruins the effect. We experimented with some throat fucking, light spanking, slapping, dirty talk etc in bed but I feel like whatever I do, it isn't quite enough for her and while our sex life is currently better than ever, I can tell it has just ignited her desire for more while I feel like I am already entering questionable territory. When I do manage to bring out her submissive side (though lord knows I have no idea most of the time what actually triggers it), her entire disposition shifts and not only is she very open and fun in bed, but almost immediately she starts taking better care of herself, doing more around the house, and being more openly flirty. When she slips out of it however, she is moody, uninterested, and snippy to the point of pretty much making me feel like she wants nothing to do with me at times. Sometimes it seems like she is being deliberately bratty/bitchy just to get a rise out of me but because of our dry spell and how our relationship changed during it, the idea of reacting dominantly puts me on edge and I feel like I always back down and then she either just gets irritated and distances herself from me or lately, on occasion, she basically tells me to dominate her which seems counterintuitive. I know she wants me to lead, and after googling 'shit-test' because she apologized for shit testing me earlier one night after we had sex and then refused to elaborate, I eventually found myself here. Now I feel like she might just be leading me by the nose to this stuff and I am conflicted about what that actually means. I love this woman but it goes against everything I feel like I know about relationships to treat her the way it seems like she wants. I always considered myself very confident but I feel like I am playing with fire here. Any advice? Any ideas on adding a power dynamic into the everyday that won't make me feel like an abuser? Should I see any of her behavior here as a red flag?",,24,GoDaiKudasai,2021-11-12 21:34:35 askMRP,qkb7vv,How to get past the cognitive dissonance that is killing me?,"Firstly what a great resource this is for men. I hope to be able to not just ask for help but also provide value to other men at some point. I discovered TRP around 2018. Married with 3 kids, late 30s. Was extremely blue pilled before. Since I read the material on the sidebar and started to put things into practice, I have found this cognitive dissonance between my old blue pill conditioning and my red pill knowledge. It has led me, as Rich Cooper puts it, to seek a permanent solution to a temporary problem on a few occasions over the past few years. Basically what it boils down to is the nice guy vs cad conflict. I know from experience that if you pursue women in a way that is dominant, 'underhand' (ie you have multiple plates aside from your wife) and sexually direct, you often get very good results. I put 'underhand' in quotations because that's what the blue pill world generally thinks of that behaviour. At the same time some women will view you as a creep, a cad, a cheat, etc. All the shaming words basically used for guys who decide to follow their innate sexual purpose of mating with multiple women. I could articulate this better but I'm struggling with which path to take. I have a happy family life with a great wife and kids but that doesn't stop me wanting to cheat rather than leave so that the kids stay in a 2 parent household. By acting on your sexual desires (by plate spinning) you run the risk of being labelled a creep. By not, you run the risk of living an incongruent life. Would appreciate suggestions/advice. I've flared this as a victim puke because I know that I am acting like a victim here and that I need to accept that this is just the way the world works. But shedding 30-odd years of BP conditioning is proving very difficult. Thanks.",,8,goatmeistergeneral,2021-11-01 10:41:20 askMRP,qh5qk1,Sex Requires an Emotional Connection,"**The issue:** I’ve been at this since May of this year. Initially, I experienced measurable gains in my relationship using most of the basic techniques found within NMMNG, WISNIFG, and MMSLP. Desire, immersion, and frequency of sex and sexual moods was high for the first month or two. Since then, her desire has gone off a cliff and things are now actually worse than when I started in this area. In response to my initiations, she now states she has to “pay me in sex for things she wants;” that I am ""addicted to sex, or that she cannot be physical with me without an “emotional connection”; or that I am emotionally cold and unavailable unless I have been laid. **Today’s case study \[FR}:** after 3 days of no sex, and me ignoring her or pouting while telling myself I'm not, she tells me she will take care of me. Once the kids are off to school she suggests we go somewhere “to fuck.” We go there. Once we arrive her mood takes a turn, I ask her what's going on and she says she feels like we are not connecting so she cant get in the mood. I tell her ""hey, I don't want to do anything we are not both into, we can do something else like watch a movie, take a nice walk enjoy the day together."" She insists we stay and give it some time so she can ""get in the mood."" We stay, and she continues telling me that my mood is one that I cant think or function without getting laid. I try to stay as OI as I can. She finally makes a move and initiates on her own but throughout I can tell she's not fully engaged. Afterwards, she tells me she feels used. Reviewing my OYS history I see that I have been failing on this issue in almost every post, coming back with the same trouble over and over. Exhibit A: *“OYS #5: I do not know how to properly communicate \[connect or game\] with my wife. My responses vary from autistic-ly ignoring her to talking way too much about shit that shouldn’t be talked about or SAYING things in a way that is unattractive. There is no in between. I do not know how to be attractive and also forge a connection, through words and emotions, with my partner.”* **The diagnosis:** I read this as I am not attractive, mostly internally, and I am not leading properly. I went too fast on the tools that I didn’t properly understand (DEVI, game, etc.) or poorly executed them and after initial gains due to spontaneity and surprise I am back to square one but worse since she's wondering what all this trumped up sex drive is about and why I keep coming at her for sex and then actively ignoring her or laying on the comfort to thick. The reality of our marriage and its leadership problem are now back with a vengeance after a shitty period of me trying out my new ""tricks,"" which likely just confused and turned her off even more than before. My game is shit, the energy and mood I bring to the relationship is shit, and I now feel she is either fucking to keep the relationship alive or simply to avoid having to deal with my shitty moods. Likewise, she is mirroring my poor leadership (pouting) by besting me in kind with those same responses. I am also still fucking for the wrong reasons, i.e. validation. Thankfully, other users have pointed this out on more than one occasion. **What I’ve been doing** (spoiler: it’s not working): Reviewed the following many times: * Sidebar books * [Establishing an “Emotional Connection” With a Woman](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/8l3fno/establishing_an_emotional_connection_with_a_woman/) * u/hornsofapathy**’s** [Depressive and Anxious Wives Series](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/asqi8r/depressive_and_anxious_wives_how_its_all_your/) * J10’s Are you energizing or [enervating](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/4fe7pk/how_to_handle_a_wife_that_is_always_sick_andor/d28l473/?utm_content=permalink&utm_medium=front&utm_source=reddit&utm_name=askMRP)? I have also dialed up the comfort, after learning how to properly identify these tests. I have also tried to check myself on weak initiations, making sure I am only opening from a spot of true desire and not to be validated or comfort my feelings or ego. However, I must demonstrate a poor mastery of the concepts and tools, at best, to be so far off some 6 months in. **Where I want to be:** my vision of sex is where it is incidental to my HV life. My marriage will not be the primary focus of my life. If my value and leadership abilities are high enough, then my wife/partner/whoever should authentically desire me in a way that is consistent with my desires for the relationship. But in no case should I be concerned with the status or frequency of sex, it should simply be where I want it as I do not keep things in a HV life that are not working for me. **My plan:** (I’m still autistic): First, revise my MAP with discrete detail and begin focusing on it each day at 5am. Second, bring the physical level of the marriage back to ground zero: starting over by removing sex in order to make it spontaneous and re-associate it with fun and no stress. Begin with light keno and slowly escalating from there while I institute an unspoken moratorium on sex for 30 days to break the cycle. After the 30 days, if I have objectively determined that I do not pout in response to rejections thereafter, then I can begin anew. If not, then back to no sex for one week and try again. Along with this, I am planning on figuring out if I actually like her, when sex is not on the table. That is, do I enjoy being around her and having fun with her at a basic level? If so, what works and what does not? With the cloud of sexuality removed my goal is that I will see the marriage for its core without mucking the waters. **My question:** what are my blind spots and what I am clearly missing?",,12,ryaninthesky123,2021-10-27 20:25:32 askMRP,qfwpzs,Hysteric bonding,"Per BobbyPeru's advice I'm posting on the retard sub. Quick backstory for those unfamiliar. I've been a retard Rambo for quite awhile. This has resulted in strain on my marriage, and my common law wife started sleeping downstairs 2 weeks ago. I was chatting to other girls for validation, trying to active dread her (retard). It blew up. I stopped trying so hard, started having fun, caring less. A few days ago I told her look, either we put all this bullshit behind us and you move upstairs and we fix this, or we don't. I want to stay married, what is your choice? After saying I don't know and failing to choose, I pressed for a decision, and her decision was no. I accepted it, decided right then and there I will be ok with this divorce, and can focus on fixing my shit solo. I gave her a hug, said my goal is to get through this as amicably as possible for our kids sake, and started processing what this will entail. For a couple days I came to terms with this. It wasn't what I had wanted, but I accepted it and was feeling good. I did some deep introspection on why I went Rambo retard, and why I have struggled with this mrp journey, why I seek validation so badly. The main thing I came up with, is a deep seated self hatred from childhood. I've decided to start CBT therapy to change these mental models. Back on topic, a few days later, a few shit tests about sleeping downstairs, a few snarky comments that I didn't show any reaction to. She again left her journal out open on the counter for hours, intentionally for me to read. It asked me to please choose us, how badly and deeply she's always loved me, she wants to show me but is terrified I'll hurt her again etc. I gave the woman a hug. She started crying. Telling me she loves me so much, please don't leave her, she's always loved me, swears she never slept with anyone, etc. Suddenly completely submissive. Starts grabbing at me, kissing me wildly. Tears off her clothes, soaked. Obviously fucked, crazy passionate. BJ. Begs for my cum. Tells me she was masturbating to me the other night, says her pussy belongs to me. You get the idea. At the time I was shocked, I wasn't sure what was going on. I thought is this the main event? It can't be. I'm still not worth that. Bobby told me it was hysteric bonding, of course it is. It's temporary. It will fade, she will test me. If I fail, she will quickly go back to miserable and distant. I currently feel conflicted. On one hand, I do want to keep my marriage. When I reflected on it, I like my wife. I don't want to take the easy way out and fly solo. I want to fix my shit. The other hand, I haven't shown I have the frame to maintain this reset. I have to focus on myself. I have to do my therapy. I know her behavior is just temporary cognitive dissonance. Looking for advice on whether I can turn this into a positive, or if I'm fucked and should cut my losses. I'm not asking what you think I should do. I am asking for wisdom and perspectives that I can use to make my own decision.",,15,DiamondUnlucky9120,2021-10-26 02:38:03 askMRP,qc7cvw,How to Dread Game from a Strong Start?,"I have used dread game to some extent in my marriage (20 years) with some success. I know it's a good tool, but how do you up your game from a strong starting point? I have always been physically active and in good shape and I have my shit together and generally always have. Maybe I'm just lacking imagination, but can I use this tool more?",,4,ChemicalAd1014,2021-10-20 18:22:24 askMRP,qae4ns,How to stop micromanaging?,"Not only in my marriage but I find myself doing this a lot at work. But for the sake of example I will use my marriage. My wife was painting the walls in the bathroom. We’re remodeling and she wanted to participate and I don’t like painting. I let her paint. But she was leaving globs of paint on the floor and on the wall. I pointed it out and she got pissed. I just looked at her when she copped and attitude and walked away to do something else. She’s not lazy at all she will help out a lot around the house but she does things so inefficient and stupid imo. So I try to guide her or suggest better ways. But she’s very sensitive and take every suggestion as a personal attack. I stopped otherwise it ends in a fight. but now I’m left with globs of paint to scrape off the new tile. She then says everything she does is wrong in my eyes. I AA but that always pisses her off more. So I just stop talking. I know you’re going to say I’m in her frame but I notice I micromanage a lot in other areas so In reality she’s not wrong. I’m very observant and Even at work. I will see people do things wrong and feel the need to correct them. I am working at being a better leader and I know micromanaging doesn’t make a good one. Anyone have advice on thing?",,12,blackjackjackblack10,2021-10-18 03:12:53 askMRP,q6ofwh,One step away from a cuck,"Been a needy little bitch and basically made her my mission. She knows it , I know it. I was into the Disney fantasy until I found myself in this storm. Searching online for answers led me here. I need to sort myself out regardless if it's with her or not. My weak behaviour makes me want to puke. Day to day life it's alright. As soon as there are shit tests or conflict I get bent over and fucked in the ass. My lack of respect in the relationship had snowballed from a buildup of these incidents. My problem is I'm dependent on a feeling of resolution, I want the storm to pass and go back to calm waters. I get into my own head , overanalyze , and if anything is left unresolved Iose my brain. It's a weapon that I let be used against me. I just need to be given the cold shoulder and I'm on my knees. I need to dedicate my life to becoming a better man, regardless of the price I have to pay. Feels like I have two options right now. 1. Break up with her and become a better man without her. 2. Pretend she's dead and focus completely on myself while being in a relationship. So I'm just going to pretend she's dead until my head's a bit clearer. Also looking for signpost from someone whose already walked this path, basically in the right direction towards reading material , information to digest, regarding getting started on becoming a better man.",,10,flimzillatro,2021-10-12 15:15:59 askMRP,q40hxc,Is the reason I don't have the sex I'd like because I treat my wife and sex with her as the prize?,"I just had the above occur to me and I have been blaming her for years. Am I the reason for her: Lack of interest, me often feeling unsatisfied, hardly ever flirts, hardly ever does 'sexy' things that I like, wanting me to be the dancing monkey but 'it's' still on a drip feed ... I have been brought up and I think much of society has been to think like: Men get 'lucky' if we have sex, it's a privilege to have sex with a woman, you 'pay' for sex ... either literally or by spending money to encourage the behaviour, ""you spend 9 months trying to get out and the rest of your life trying to get back in"" - think this was a quote from a Robin Williams film. I havn't gotten the answer to my question yet, but let's say the answer is yes and if I want the opposite of the above I need to be the prize? And if the above is true how do you deal with no longer accepting the 'list' from above ... I can already hear it - lift, sidebar and STFU ...",,18,Perfectinmyeyes,2021-10-08 15:50:39 askMRP,q4cxwn,What does it mean if girlfriend wants to meet your parents," As title says GF want to meet your parents, live together and you met hers and she is very pushy about this?",,0,White_Mlungu_Capital,2021-10-09 03:05:33 askMRP,pynypn,Coping with fear and attachment," I've only recently been introduced to TRP after searching for answers as to my behavior and the way that I am managing my relationship. Even before discovering TRP, I understood that I have been shooting myself in the foot, though I still don't understand what to do about it. All I know is that it’s my problem, something I'm struggling greatly with, and a problem I need to overcome for the sake of my relationship. A little backstory: I grew up in an abusive household, didn’t receive a lot of attention unless it was negative, and that led me to some fairly unhealthy relationships later on in my late teens/early 20’s. I accepted things that I never should have from partners and dealt with shitty behavior poorly due to my own lack of self respect. Started reading about Attachment Theory later on and realized that I'm very insecure in attachment and that once I open up, I have great difficulty not feeling as if I NEED that person for survival. It's extremely unhealthy, toxic, and causes a trigger with some abandonment issues. My fear of the loss of intimacy and interpersonal connection tends to make me sacrifice everything else in favor of clinging to my relationship(s) and doing everything I can to keep them. This brings me to my marriage. Sex is still frequent, attention is still there, but my behaviors are repeating themselves and I can see what they're ultimately going to do to the relationship. I just don't know how to remedy them and stop mate guarding. I find myself consistently asking my partner for reassurance - If she loves me etc. She’s said a lot of big words: “I’ll be with you forever” “I don't want anyone else” “It’s only you” A lot of things that I don't feel comfortable putting my trust in. Words are words and as I read more here and about hypergamy, it's left me uncomfortable. I find myself asking who she’s talking to all the time, if she would ever hurt me, and numerous other things like this. It hasn't started cracking our relationship in any noticeable way yet, but I know that it will, if it hasn’t already started to cause her to lose respect for me. I know this is beta behavior, but it feels agonizing when I don't ask these questions for comfort. I have a huge fear that she will leave me or cheat on me. I know a lot of men might say to pay attention to the signs, but there are many ways a person can be unfaithful (emotionally etc). It's likely that you might never know, and that's really the part that scares. It's one thing if you find out, take that pain, walk away with your respect. Having it happen behind your back? The fear of not knowing? That's what scares me. To be honest, any of us could be being cucked right now without a clue. Vetting aside. Doing everything right. Anyway, I’m in therapy, reading the sidebar, trying to not be a pussy, but I need to make sense of these fears, find ways to manage them, and ultimately find some peace. I doubt that I'm the first person to struggle with this. I'll also close with this: There aren't any massive read flags or anything, but I witnessed the branch swing once. She was married previously, guy was a complete fuck up, we became friends shortly before she left, though she tried to hang in there for years.",,7,TuffGoose,2021-09-30 16:58:06 askMRP,pxp6jt,"Inviting another man, shit test?","Update: she just texted me to say that she's been having her feelings for me return and that she's horny. I was refered here. Stats: 35M 173cm 72kg DL 120kg, Squat 100kg, Row 62kg, Shoulder press 50kg. Read: No More Mr. Nice Guy. Background: I was in an eight years long relationship with A that became sexless during the last two years because I stopped being attractive. I ended the relationship this summer and started dating a friend, let's call her B. I immediately started acting like a nice guy and became unattractive. The shit tests started and we fell in to a on and off again thing. Around this time I started to become aware of the fact that I had a problem that needed to change. I started lifting, reconnecting with friends, boxing and reading. I also started gaming A. Something that's paid off. However I would still fail B's shit tests about everyother time. Last week we had a falling out where I lost my cool, failed to STFU and victim puked on her. Now this happened. https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/px4rxm/i_35m_dated_my_bestie_from_work_31f_now_shes/",,7,Careless_Variety129,2021-09-29 06:01:12 askMRP,pvuiol,"Some of my thoughts on Frame. Do tell what parts of it you think are good and what parts of it are bad, or if all of it is.","I am posting this in askMRP so as to not add untested/potential garbage in the main sub. I have some thoughts about frame and I would appreciate some critique from all of you: Rian Stone put it in a Rule Zero episode as ""Frame is how you frame things."" You don't have, gain or lose it. Framing things is what you always do to everything. How you conceptualize/frame/model aspects of life and fit your own motivations and boundaries in those models. # Mental Models ""Placing my hand in flickering bright chaotic orange thing makes me feel pain and burns my hand so I shouldn’t do that"". That's a mental model. ""If I placate her, she will reward me with sex"". That's another mental model. ""These hoes will keep hoeing around it's time I go get mine"". That's another mental model. &#x200B; **Mental Models are frameworks/systems which are made of:** 1. **Motivations & boundaries** 2. **Forces by which those motivations and boundaries are acted upon** 3. **Assumptions about the system** &#x200B; Desired Direction, Pull and push forces towards desired direction, and assumptions. Things you want to achieve and things you are repulsed by. Things you do to act upon those wants and repulsions. Things you assume to be true to provide structure. &#x200B; Like physics. *""I will kick this ball towards the goal because I want to score.""* Motivations or direction is *""I want to score""*. External Force in this system is the thrust of your leg, normal forces and friction. Assumptions here are that your leg can apply force. And that the object has enough cohesive forces as to not break apart on application of force (it isn’t a ball of air). Force applied is more than the friction. Force applied by you is being applied in the correct direction. Normal force exists the way it does. &#x200B; Similarly let's consider this mental model: *""I will placate her so that she will reward me with sex and affection"".* Here motivation is *""I want sex and affection""*. Force is *""placation""*. Assumption is that ""placation works"". The whole system is based upon what are the directions, forces involved and what assumptions are being made. Most of the time, directions and forces are known. Direction maybe intrinsic (defined by yourself, your needs and wants) or extrinsic (defined by outside agents). Similarly, the forces being applied are also known. So the credibility of the whole system falls upon the correctness of the assumptions, that is; how true those assumptions are to reality. The assumptions, the nuances; if changed slightly or wrongly assumed change the whole system and can lead to failure at satisfying motivation and/or avoiding deterrent. ""Women will award me with sex and affection if I placate them"" is an assumption which is wrong. I will not get into details why it is wring as observations and analysis has already been done by many men in this place which has explained why this is wrong. Any framework/mechanism based on this assumption is going to fail at satisfying motivations. ""She will forever be by my side no matter what happens"" is another wrong assumption. I will again not get into details why it is wring as observations and analysis has already been done by many men in this place which has explained why this is wrong. Any framework/mechanism based on this assumption is going to fail at satisfying motivations. &#x200B; Now I hope you can see what I mean by a mental model is. Conceptualization of aspects of life, broken down into: 1. Motivations & boundaries 2. Forces by which those motivations and boundaries are acted upon. 3. Assumptions about the system &#x200B; You make a mental model about everything. You always frame/conceptualize every aspect of life. How you conceptualize/frame them depends on your preferences, motivations and your assumptions. Which are all subjective, everyone has their own assumptions, motivations and forces. Which is why I believe it so difficult to explain “Frame” to someone. # What is Frame? It is difficult to define frame. **Understanding your own Frame seems to me as the end result of getting ""redpilled"". Therefore Frame, is the end-result of successfully doing what I have observed the red pill is** in my almost 2 years of being here. I define the “red pill” as: &#x200B; 1. ***Re-defining of your mental models with correct/best assumptions based on reality.*** 2. ***Learning the way of the forces of the system and the methods of applying them.*** 3. ***Directing your motivations towards yourself (your wants and needs) instead of anything external or abstract.*** &#x200B; These are some exemplary articles and concepts on each of these sub-parts of “red pill”, which I cite to provide basis to my hypothesis above. These concepts seem to summarize most of what ""redpill"" is: 1. Re-defining the system with correct assumptions: foundational concepts and articles like *ONEitis, There is no one, Soulmate Myth, Alpha Fucks/Beta Bucks, Alpha Widows, Men in love, Women in love, Kill the beta, “Hypergamy for the Married Man”, “Hypergamy doesn’t care”, War brides, Relational Equity, “Don’t fix her problem”, Outcome Independence, Abundance Mentality, NMMNG, WISNIFG.* 2. Forces: *All articles and concepts of Game, including Dread. 48 Laws of Power.* 3. Re-directing motivations: *“Mental Point of Origin”, “The Mindset of a man who fucks”, “Initiations…. You’re not that funny”, “Validation needs that poison your life”, “Who are you”, “When was the last time you fucked your woman”, “Timeline Escaping sex for validation”.* &#x200B; # Where do men get stuck up about the red pill? **Ego: Attachment to assumptions and belief in the abstract** What is meant by “having ego”? “Having ego"" means attaching yourself to some assumption. Attaching your motivations to some assumption, instead of yourself or your personal wants and needs. When that happens, the motivations no longer remain “I want xyz”. When you have ego, ""Assumption must be made true"" becomes your motivation. This is also where you get manipulated. By others and by your own self. When your motivations aren’t derived from yourself, it becomes easy for someone else or yourself to define them for you under the guise of “Assumption being true will benefit you”, directly or indirectly. How that will “benefit you” is hidden/explained in the abstract. Something other than objective reasoning. Usually that abstract takes the form of and is hidden in something either: 1. Intangible: White pill, Patriarchy, Soulmate myth 2. Too complex to care (subjective). 3. Dualities: Utilitarianism vs Deontology &#x200B; Your “want to make (some) assumption true” because of the belief that “assumption being true will benefit you” because of further belief in the “abstract” is what gets you stuck up. It goes directly opposite of “observing. adapting and thriving for success (whatever success is in your own terms) in any system”. **Why one may want to believe in the abstract?** Because defining and re-defining motivations and boundaries takes acknowledgement of the fact that you don’t know somethings (which most are able to do), and that there are somethings which you were completely wrong about. And that the way you perceived life was wrong and based on flawed assumptions, and that it is your responsibility to correct and account for past failings. Moreover, as your previous mental models are shown to be wrong and flawed, suddenly your past seems to be something unexplained, which you have to analyze and re-conceptualize. You cannot rely on the conclusions and assumptions which you got from your other mental models because their credibility is doubted as well. You doubt your whole existence and experience of life. Fear. That fear, drives one to offload responsibility to the abstract defined above. &#x200B; Further, change in previous mental models drives you to face the unknown. The unknown which you previously thought was known. Unknowns where dangers lie, where mind gets uncomfortable because it has to face those potential dangers. To avoid all this discomfort, we fool ourselves, or let ourselves be fooled because it is comfortable, and offloads responsibility. **How you get manipulated ?** That “want to make assumption true” may have already existed within you, or someone feeds it to you. That means, you get manipulated by others when they identify your ""existing investment/attachment to some assumption based on abstract"" or by others making you invest into ""some assumption based on abstract"". Hiding it in the same three abstractions; intangibles, complexities or dualities. The TradCons do it, the communists do it, the feminists, the incels, the looksmaxxers, they all do it for different assumptions subjective to them. ""Men and women are equal in all attributes"" is a wrong assumption. So is ""Women are just out there to loot my assets"". People defending these statement have attached themselves to the assumption because they haven't defined what their actual motivations are to themselves, or are using these statements to coerce people into giving them money a.k.a. grifters. &#x200B; # How to avoid ego traps and the infamous ""losing frame"" ? Many times you will be manipulated simply because of inadequate knowledge of the system. That can’t be helped, most you can do is keep your eyes open and look out for anything other than objectivity, focused entirely on the main question: ***How does this xyz help me further my goals?*** Other than that, just don’t attach your motivation to any assumption about the situation or force. Always keep in mind that assumptions exist only to provide structure. Only to facilitate your goals. Assumption is not the motivation. Assumption is only there to provide structure. ""I want xyz"" is the motivation. That ""xyz"" can be ""white picket fence"" or ""harem of women"" or ""a billion dollars"". That is the motivation. If proven wrong about an assumption, then be glad, because you know another lie which doesn’t work. If you are proven wrong about your assumption, accept it and move on. Find new, more correct assumptions. Simply: 1. Define in clear terms what you want and don't want. 2. Do your best to find and re-define your mental models with the most correct assumptions you are able to find. 3. Learn the forces their ways to facilitate your wants. Anything outside of these things is either intriguing or irrelevant. &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; OYS: 21, 5'11'',195lbs. 200lbs BP, 305lbs DL, 305lbs Squat. I have been in this space for 1.5 years, lost 70lbs since I got introduced after my batman origin story event when I was about to turn 20. Added OYS in the end so as to avoid bias because I know I am relatively young. I am a bit dicey about everything regarding and after Ego, but have firm confidence in my words in anything before that, that is; the definition of Frame, Mental Models etc. Here are my thoughts. Please provide any feedback. Thank you. Regards, BBB",,9,[deleted],2021-09-26 14:07:03 askMRP,popy9c,Outcome/Update from Dread & Removing Attention/Affection,"35yo, 6’3”, 210 lbs, 20.7% BF, OHP 3x120lbs, DL 3x350lbs, BP 3x180lbs, SQ 3x300lbs. Found MRP in January 2020. Here goes a bit of a field report, and I’m looking for some input on some things. I’m posting to the retard playpen for a reason, still working on things, have at it. **Background:** In yesterday’s OYS I wrote: *I was not focusing on myself enough. I took that to heart and ran with it, and took the advice of living life like my wife was dead. I didn’t Rambo and go out of my way to ignore her, but I just kind of did my own thing and it was great. Well this inadvertently kicked the dread up, and in the last 3 weeks I have been hit with:* *1. “Are you getting in shape because you’re going to leave me?”, I replied that’s not my current plan, kiss on the forehead, all good.* *2. “Don’t leave me too soon, so I can enjoy your body for a bit”, I replied by fucking her brains out, multiple times. Horn’s post about when was the last time you fucked your woman clicked with me on this one, and things were on the table that have not happened in years. I almost made the mistake of thinking that this sex was the new norm, but I caught myself and reset and kept things status quo.* *3. So the first 2 were what I would describe as half joking comments. But last night I got hit with an honest “please don’t run away with someone else” It was a different tone, much more serious, and I could tell it was a valid concern. I provided comfort, but I also got a text that she set up an appointment with her therapist for tonight. I am going to stay the course here, and see what comes of it.* One more I forgot about (didn’t think much of it at the time but it came up last night), I was putting on cologne one morning and she asked me why I was wearing it and who it was for. Now mind you I’ve been putting on this same cologne now for maybe 4 months, and in fact she bought it for me years ago for Christmas. I said it’s for me, I like to smell good, and she kept pressing on who else it was for, I thought she was joking. I laughed it off and didn’t think much of it but apparently, she was 100% serious. **“The Talk”:** So last night, we put the kids down, and are eating dinner and brings up her appointment, and why she set it up, notes from what she said below: \- I have a bad habit of ignoring people, and at times I even ask a question and then getting distracted by my phone without listening to the answer (this is true, not just with my wife. I’m 90% sure I have ADD as my focus can be shit sometimes, something I need to work on in general) \- she claimed that this is what was upsetting/frustrating her (This has been going on since we met in college, not just the last few weeks so I know this is just her feelz) \- she could feel that I pulled my affection and attention over the last 1.5 weeks specifically \- I have always been touchy/feely (KINO comes naturally to me), but not lately. In fact she listed the only 3 times in the last 1.5 weeks that I touched her (2 ass slaps & I pulled her in for 1 hug). She also said when I left in the mornings I would only give he a quick peck goodbye and go on my way (which is true) \- She said she didn’t realize how much she needed my affection, even though sometimes she complains that I am too touchy, as soon as I stopped she felt ‘gutted’ and ‘invisible’ \- She literally sat there and explained in laymen’s terms how her hamster was working on overdrive, and told me because I pulled affection and attention, she had convinced herself that I was cheating on her. \- In the last 6 months I’ve really pushed my lifts up, I’ve cut weight, I’ve grown my beard differently (and started using products rather than just let it grow wildly), went from a buzz cut to an actual hair style, improved hygiene, wearing cologne again, and have been trying to change my mental models. She overtly told me because of all of this she was insecure, thinking I was doing it for someone else. She admitted that she was the one that suggested growing a beard after we got married, liked and encouraged me to grow my hair out and style it, encourages me to work out and works with my schedule to make that happen etc. So in short she likes and encourages all of the changes but her hamster is stuck telling her it’s for someone else. \- She said she doesn’t want to keep accusing me of cheating, because if she does it enough then ‘I may wake up one day and say fuck it if I’m going to get shit on for cheating I may as well actually cheat’. LOL \- She was visibly upset still while she was talking, on the verge of tears, but calm and not bitchy. Clearly coached/scripted by the therapist on how to bring up her feelz. \- She said she would never turn down my affection again, now that she realizes how much she needs it (the best part is she actually believed it, I give it about 2 weeks before she tells me to stop slapping her ass haha) **How I handled it:** While she was talking I listened, let her talk, basically STFU. The good: I had a pressure flip at one point, when she gets pissed off she starts being a disrespectful bitch. So as she was talking I called her on this and said of course I’m not going to engage/interact with you when you are being disrespectful, I have better shit to do. This knocked her off her ‘script’, as she looked a little puzzled that I would call her out on something during her victim puke. But I held my ground and she actually acknowledged this and apologized for being disrespectful. Also, she never specifically asked outright if I was cheating or had cheated. It would have made the conversation a lot ‘easier’ and quicker if I had of just comforted her and told her I haven’t cheated and am not planning on it anytime soon, but I bit my fucking tongue and did not disclose this. I need the hamster to still be moving here. The bad: I ended up apologizing for what she claimed is the issue (ignoring her to check my phone), more in a “I’m sorry that this has made you feel this way” than a straight I’m sorry, but I still caved on that end. Overall: Dinner & conversation ended, I provided comfort which was well received. I got a BJ when we went to bed as she’s just finishing shark week. Generally I’m amazed how quickly she felt me pull my time and affection, and how much it affected her. **Moving Forward:** So now I’m recalibrating. My plan now is to keep busy, doing what I’m doing, build a life away from my wife, but adding back more KINO and affection. Reward good behavior, pull attention and affection when I get bad behavior. Keep lifting, reading, STFU/WISNIFG techniques for shit tests. I don’t want to backslide and go 100% comfort/BETA but if I don’t want to go full retard and keep ignoring her completely, so I’ll have to find the right balance here. I am expecting some ups and downs over the next few months, possibly heading for a main event? Ultimately just keep moving forward and calibrate as needed. **Side Note:** I don’t know if this should be a separate post or not. In the fall, my MIL found out that my FIL had or was having an affair (I don’t know all the details but it sounds like multiple times, over several years). Her parents had the prefect Tradcon marriage from the outside looking in, high school sweethearts, together for 40 years, white picket fence and all. This sent my wife into an absolute tailspin, and I had the opportunity to witness what I could possibly expect during a main event. She was very pregnant when this happened, so I was not running any dread at all, but this got her hamster instantly running at 11/10. She was hysterically crying, snot bubbles, etc. She was an absolute mess and while I was trying to console her she asked me: \- if I was cheating on her \- if I had ever cheated on her \- she told me I could tell her if I had cheated on her and she wouldn’t be mad At this point I was sincerely concerned about the health of the baby, so I told her I have never, nor will I ever, cheat on her to help calm her down. I thought that would set me back in the process because at the time I meant it, so I thought she would not be swayed as much by dread. But given last night it seems like that’s been long forgotten. I’m curious if anyone else has had experience with a ‘mini-event’ that was brought up by something completely outside of your control/influence? It was quite the spectacle but as I said I am hopeful that I got some practice to see how a main event could look. Obviously, I would have to handle a real even much differently.",,22,-craven-moorehead-,2021-09-15 13:17:55 askMRP,po61ed,Stfu or leadership opportunity?,"36, 5'11 179lbs. 14% navy. BP 200x4 SQ 295x3 RDL 315X5 BR 165x8 Arnold press 65x6 Help me parse this. Last week I had an event where I told the wife I will no longer tolerate her disrespect and shitty attitude. I realized I don't have to deal with it for another minute. I was truly ready to nuke the relationship if she didn't stop her disrespect. It must have shocked her, because for the next week I was getting laid like tile, she was fun to be around, respectful, submissive, sexual. It didn't last, a week later the hard no's came back. After a midday initiation was met with a hard no, (OI) she invited me to a kids party with a bunch of our friends. I went, we had fun. The minute we got home she was crabby and glued to her phone, I had better things to do so I went out for the night. I was questioned on where I was going and with who, I said ""out with friend x"". Where to? ""out"". Unplanned but I ended up staying out very late, 4am. Next day obviously met with cold shoulder and distance, yesterday she can no longer hold it. ""what kind of partner says ""out""?? Why didn't you text to say you weren't coming home? What do you have to say about that?"" I negatively asserted, ""that was kind of dumb to not text. I'll have to think about my response to the other question"". Looking back on it, I was annoyed at her bad mood and was being a fag. I'm trying to decide whether to continue to stfu, or explain to her that she doesn't get to know my whereabouts when she's being unpleasant. I've been focusing on stfu lately, but perhaps a little too aggressively. Last week I was feeling like the prize, like I was seeing some success from my work. This week it feels like I've been a kid with dynamite. I've got these tools and am trying to find what ones work for me. I seem to err on the side of Rambo. I seem to miss a lot of nuance with this stuff. I read stuff in comments, I read it in the sidebar, but misapply it. I'm stfu until I understand it better, but then I stfu about my whereabouts. Some guidance would be appreciated.",,12,DiamondUnlucky9120,2021-09-14 16:19:36 askMRP,po6hpy,Thought that her changing her last name was important to me but now I am not so sure,"My friend got married and his wife is a ""conservative""...except she is a terrible wife and brags about. Doesn't cook, bosses him around, cheated on him, giant bitch in general...but she changed her last name to his, making her a ""tradwife"". I look at my girlfriend who I will likely marry, and she has said that she believes women shouldn't change their last name. But she is a great woman...virgin when I met her, cooks for me, gives me blowjobs and sex, super supportive of me, great personality. If we do end up getting married and the one ""victory"" she wants to get is keeping her maiden name, I think I would be like ""ok honey, you can be a good feminist and keep your name"". It's not like good wives grow on trees. Is this a major cope, or am I right that all things considered, changing her last name isn't nearly as important as everything else? Like I don't know...LOYALTY?",,0,Mike_Mercury,2021-09-14 16:42:29 askMRP,pmsl3o,STFU for the first time,"I finally just said ""fuck this"" last night. Got my act together and started solving my problems. Even though there's still bullshit around me, I woke up feeling calm. My mind is quite. Everything seems more quite. My body hurts. It's like I was on this adrenaline I was keeping up with my internal dialogue. I'm crashing pretty hard right now, but in so many years I've never felt more at peace. I don't know who figured out STFU, but it wasn't easy to understand or achieve even once. But I really think I've gotten here. Anyone else get this crash their first time?",,0,RediculousEgo,2021-09-12 13:22:15 askMRP,plmv6i,changed behavior and silence treatment,"I am posting this question in the retarded playpen because that's where my posts belong. It would be Rule 9 material, so beware of content, but I need help parsing this situation with some tough love. I have been focused mostly on getting my shit together in these months. I think I have made a significant step ahead once I started repeating to myself that I don't have to be afraid of her yelling, although I let myself condition into that over many years. This attitude [started](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/ony06g/own_your_shit_weekly_july_20_2021/h5uwtih/?context=3) as a reactive one (i.e., in response to tests triggered by immediate circumstances), and became a proactive one lately (i.e., I am mostly no longer afraid of telling her things like they are, which means my mind is unimpeded in the thought process and I can clearly convey the content of my position). I reject fights. I have described in my [last OYS](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/pjiz1t/own_your_shit_weekly_september_07_2021/hbxajvo/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) that I have been dealing with a week-long episode of wife yelling at - but barely talking to - the kids. The fact is not new, but the length is becoming unusual. In fact, she has been giving me a mostly silent treatment as well. On Wednesday night I go to sleep, early as my new usual. I had the bad habit of staying with her until late because she wanted to ""be together"" and watch tv, only to find her asleep after twenty minutes. This is one of the first things I changed three months ago. She shows up after a bit on the doorsteps of the bedroom saying that she feels bad, she's not happy, she cannot talk to me and I don't show interest in that, I have never done that, and never found time for us. (You see me here, that means I've done all of that in excess). I was half asleep and DEER a bit, fight her shit a bit. I invite her to bed, which she refuses. After half an hour of attempted verbal intercourse, it finally comes out that she is stressed about a work situation. It took her a fucking week. We talk a bit about that, I let her get this thing out. But things don't improve in the following days. I am trying to navigate through this refusing to be dragged again into her frame. I am trying to provide comfort but no DEERing. This morning she sends a text while I bring the kids to school with the same usual. She wants to know if anything else is on my mind. I don't reply. I had been thinking of coming back right after, give her a proper kiss, and leave for work - so I do. I am not begging or needy. Of course she refuses the kiss, more of the same. I don't judge, I don't react. She asks again if something else is on my mind, I say no, don't DEER, stroke her hairs and tell her I'll see her tonight. Here's the question. I am planning to do more of the same. I am not backtracking to flowers and DEER. In fact, I am tempted to avoid things that could be construed as me falling back. I am planning to STFU, keep my frame, don't be afraid, and comfort her without being butthurt about the shit she throws precisely right after I do - her timing is unbeatable. Is this the natural course of things? I am sure I am doing many things wrong. What are they? Thank you. \--------------------------------- EDIT - the day after. Ok. After a lot of great advice, I decided to bite the tail of the dragon yesterday night. I followed Tyred\_Biggums' leads in [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/plmv6i/changed_behavior_and_silence_treatment/hcbzs2m/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) comment, but really the whole discussion has been in it. After dinner, I told her, ""why don't we talk now."" She said no of course, then she sat and was getting ready to hit me with the list, but I had already planned to lead the discussion. I started and told her I didn't like how she had behaved in the last ten days. Then broken record if she went off course, mostly fogging and not reacting to random accusations. After a while she focused on herself and started talking about how she feels on a number of issues, which I let her do without making judgments, offering fixes or advice. I just let her vent, repeating her words, asking her to spell out more of what she feels. It was useful for me because it gave me an open window on what is going on in her head. We ended up talking about a number of things that normal families should talk about, like kids' school, money and other stuff, with minimal tension. I was able to keep my mind calm and unafraid, and this kept her calm as well. The whole thing was like a reset. The night I fucked her after a six-weeks dry spell, and it was much better than how it had been the last time. I initiated, but I might have not needed to. This is what I think I've learned. This was a clear lack of leadership on my side and I dug myself into that hole, as usual. This lack of leadership was three-fold. First, I let her behavior slide and compound itself for too long. I should have addressed it sooner and stopped it. Second, I did not pay attention to something that was obviously troubling my FO - whether with good reasons or not. Third, in my quest to rebuild myself and take leadership of the household, I had excluded Mrs. Ackley from my life - and myself from her life. I know exactly where our finances are going, for example, and she really doesn't want to deal with it; but she needed to know that I have the pulse of everything. All this lack of leadership occurred because I was still afraid of her. I have some thoughts on this process of overcoming fear that I will include in my next OYS, or perhaps in a new post, after I chew on those considerations a bit. Yesterday morning I really hesitated on clicking the ""post"" button. The payoff has been enormous. Thank you. ",,13,ackley1900,2021-09-10 15:05:46 askMRP,plfoq8,Women who like guys who chase.,"Some women say they like it when guys chase. Presumably because it satisfies their commitment skepticism bias. But when guys chase too hard, women get turned off. How do men reconcile this, specifically? Just move on to someone who takes less effort? If you're dense like me and want to make the effort, how do you get around it?",,7,[deleted],2021-09-10 06:38:04 askMRP,pjg0xp,Why is there so much hate and negativity here and on MRP sub?,"I get the guys are trying to toughen everyone up. But why does there have to be so much hate and negativity for a sub where men are coming together trying to improve themselves ? The preaching of STFU &amp; FRAME but then calling someone a faggot for being new to the material is just as bad as calling your wife a moron for not doing the dishes. How is this negativity helping anyone? It just makes the sub look bad. The mods will say stuff like that also when they too can just STFU if they don’t like what’s being posted or simply remove it. it’s become a huge ego driven way of saying your better than someone else. It’s almost like the jocks picking on the less popular kids to be cool. It feels like high school sometimes in here. There’s so much of it going on. You cannot honestly say that bashing others for having an ego (ego is something I’m working on) for upvotes or perception of status does not have ego issues involved it. None of the sidebar reading tell you to do this type of stuff so I’m not understanding why it’s become the norm. I get no one here owes anyone else anything. But why not either be willing to help the guy or stfu instead of wasting your time. Because in the end you are just wasting your own time. We all started out not knowing shit that’s what brought us here. And we’re all men trading notes. Having all this negativity surrounding the sub kind of defeats the huge purpose of what a lot of us are trying to accomplish. Instead of calling someone an autistic faggot to be a funny tough guy. Why not either give them some good advice. Or practice what you preach and STFU and not waste your precious time. You can’t tell me taking the time to comment “faggot pussy” under someone’s post isn’t a waste of your time and theirs. I know someone will try to clown this post and make a joke out of it just further proving the point. But I’m honestly trying to understand and have a serious discussion on why all this negativity is necessary when we’re all men here for a similar purpose/goal in a world where we are already extremely out numbered?",,80,TrenGod37,2021-09-07 04:39:43 askMRP,pij11b,Building Frame,"First, forgive me if this is overly theoretical. I really needed to write this out. For me the conceptual frame is the first step to me following a programme. I think I have some mistrust in myself and following my own frame. I don't want to just adopt somebody else mind on it, like I have done in the past, but I'd like some feedback on my understanding of frame and what I can expect moving forward. That would help reassure my plan is not self-destructive. I've shut the fuck up, read the sidebar and lifted just enough to know it does works. I'm anxious to understand how. It's kind of like, to look for side effects. I think taking it further means understanding what I'm working with and what to expect. I also want to avoid any major pitfalls, counter-productive things and manage unintended consequences. I've split my effort in understanding and using frame as something like ""organisation"". As an organising principle, thinking for oneself, following ones own path, making your own way, being your own man, making your own rules. I kind of liken frame to the Chinese concept of Qi, which helps me understand it, right or wrong. Define means to describe. And like a lot of concepts in Chinese, it's described by how it feels and what it does. I've found the last year that trying to grasp what frame ""is"", has been counter-productive. And more a stalling place than anything. I always know what I am dealing with before I do it. This is because I lack frame, and have no place of reference for trusting myself. Since I cannot understand this by grasping it's parts (because it's not a thing) I have tried to understand it by what it does. I've only explored frame in order to understand it. The more I do, the more afraid I am of having one of my own. Maybe I'm not the only person who is afraid to think for themselves. I find it is not, no matter how much I have searched, a thing to be found inside ones own being. Nor is it something you lock into on the outside. After a year of trying to locate it, I've found nothing like the other centres of being you can find this way. It's a strange frame to come from, based upon fear and a total loss of confidence in my own competence. It reminds me of a story about a man who is shot with an arrow. A doctor is called by his companions and the doctor begins asking a bunch of questions like, who shot the arrow, etc. By the time the doctor is done he has asked over 100 questions, while the injured man dies. I was that injured man and the doctor. And I understand now that the way I see the doctor asking, is because he is terrified of making a mistake. I don't write this question so that anyone else can fall for this kind of cerebral fixation on the elusive and esoteric. I've come to give up on finding something that isn't there. And to ask for help. I'm scared to trust myself. I think frame is a faculty. And this faculty can be used. Just like thinking isn't a thing, but you can do it, have it, use it and there are benefits and drawbacks. Likewise, as thinking organises reality into thoughts; frame organises reality itself. I am afraid that I don't know what I'm doing and I will organise reality in a way that will hurt myself. Unfortunately, it's a new concept. It's a hard concept, and not fully mature. So it's hard to grasp what happens doing it. Not having it is a terrible, slow death. But having it is a risk as well. I think separating reality, internal and external, the faculty that organises it, and that faculty into self and mind, is important in applying the concepts for me. I can do it. I'm very apprehensive. You can't organise something on it's own. It has to be against something else. So, it makes total sense to me why it's said here that building a self is paramount to starting to have frame. I've built one, reluctantly and at no real speed, and I use it. A self is what you measure the internal and external environment against. A self is an organising principle. And a superior one to changing emotions, whims or somebody else's certainty, all things we fall back on when we lose a structured self through, say, some major event. By having a clear sense of my self, I have split my work into two sections; Internal, and external. My internal environment includes everything, from what is called physical/emotional/mental frame. And the external is the external, plan/mission/purpose in action. The problem I think I'm having is that I have a weak self. So I'm finding I have no reference on what to do for a lot of internal and external things that are happening. You can tell me if you've been here and if I'm travelling something expected. But my grasp is that moving forward, I will have to decide on an organising principle. I've enjoyed the benefits. An example I can give is, just now I was in the shower. I was thinking about a violent confrontation I had with a neighbour yesterday. It was unprovoked aggression. I knew where I was happy with the way I dealt with it, and I knew where I lost frame. I needed time to ""screw my head on straight"", because I had no certainty in how I will respond. But I found myself internalising his judgements in the shower and becoming anxious. I decided that, no, I'm not going to allow other peoples thoughts into my internal environment. Then I went to do some chores or whatever, and I found myself rushing. I decided that I am not going to allow myself to rush externally, and this calmed my internal environment and organised things nicely for me. I'm finding myself now realising that I'm seeing a kind of emptiness and uncertainty with literally everything I do. Placing my attention inwards doesn't help. Placing it outside, and towards my ends, I feel uplifted. Motivated. I feel above the petty concerns of people who do not share my values. I want to move forward. I'm zoned in on my meaningful work, and improving my circumstances. Instead of building my own frame, I wanted to do MRP right. My organising principle was ""do things that make me an MRP man"". My goal here was having to avoid what's I'm staring down now. What I've been avoiding for a very long time. Making my own decisions again. Up until the age of 16 I had complete trust in myself. Nobody could break my frame. I didn't know at the time why that was, I just thought I was a good talker. Age 17 I had exercise addiction and an eating disorder. I didn't recognise it and it put me into serious illness for 3-4 years. Although I pulled myself out against all odds, and by myself, I still don't trust myself to make decisions. To lead my own life. How can I, when I almost killed myself? I've let the people around me down. I've failed my friends and my family, and I did and said nothing when they failed me. How can I lead my own life? Or ever trust myself again? The best I could accomplish is using outside help to make sure I have a baseline. But to move forward in my own life... I suppose the alternative isn't pretty either. Maybe it's a black and white, lead or be a slave. But I'd like to follow for a moment. I'd like to listen. I'd like to know what other peoples reasons are for leading their lives. Maybe listening to that I can find a reason in myself. ",,8,RediculousEgo,2021-09-05 19:00:20 askMRP,pergk8,Cuddles ain't free vs Kino,"Following my last oys, Horns of Apathy gave me some advice https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/paj7qe/comment/ha8phfe/ I misinterpreted his advice, and went Rambo with it. I was having a hard time understanding his further advice. I think I understand the message now, correct me if I'm still wrong: -Don't offer the wife needy unnecessary cuddles or affection. -Do give it when she comes to me for affection, quickly, then go continue doing my shit. -When she's being shitty, don't give attention/affection, let her come to me for it, initiate if I want to, then give her her cuddles. Also I need to constantly game my wife, ass slaps, sudden kisses, touch, something with sexual energy, and then leave to continue doing my shit. 2 questions. Is my current interpretation correct? How to differentiate between good Kino and needy Kino? After a week of sexual denials, I feel sexually needy and it comes off in my touch.",,8,DiamondUnlucky9120,2021-08-30 21:19:00 askMRP,pe52lg,Getting shit together too late - Minimizing collateral,"Resolved: Talk a lawyer first. We have joint accounts so I'm trying to figure this out. At work tomorrow I'm going to contact a couple of divorce lawyers and start figuring out my next steps. What lead to all this is when my Wife mentioned, ""We should sell our house."" When I asked why she said, ""to live in an apartment."" She's gone down this tangent before when she's upset about things so I played into and asked if I would be involved in this to which she didn't respond but shortly after said ""well I wouldn't be able to afford one on my own anyway."" She has never directly saying the D word but has pushed. This could all be a bluff as she is a SAHM as of recently but still has a PRN job. I know the whole ""ignore what they say and watch what they do"" I took a new job a little over a month ago that allowed this to happen. Smartest idea? Probably not but I got the job I wanted and I'm happy in that area. At this point I currently don't care if we stay married or not anymore. Now I want to continue the work I am doing (lifting, dieting, STFU, and correcting my mindset etc) and save some collateral damage. What would anyone that ""gets it"" better than me at this moment start focusing on financially? I'm not even going to pretend that I've internalized all this or that I haven't been fucking up for the last few years.. I was considering opening a 2nd account which I should have done before but didn't (mistake on my part). Thanks",,13,[deleted],2021-08-29 22:17:41 askMRP,pbsn9r,"While being unattractive, to initiate or avoid ""pressure""","I am curious about what is the best praexology for initiating when trying to get more attractive and on drip feed sex. Having read side bar litterature and posts the opinion seems pretty divided. 1 - Always initiate when you feel like it /want it. It aligns with male nature and is good for training emotional control and OI 2 - Be careful and dont initiate often or just when you are certain to succeed. You dont want to condition your wife to deny you nor scare the cat until you are attractive and your neediness will do more harm than if you just keep your hands away",,16,[deleted],2021-08-26 04:59:32 askMRP,pcc2cl,I [29M] recently broke up with my gf [27F] because i felt like i was not appreciated and my value not seen because of my hyper masculine state of mind after reading TRM. I feel like i fucked up a good thing,"I \[29M\] recently broke up with my gf \[27F\] of about 5 months because i felt like she was not appreciating me and I felt like I was a placeholder until someone she deemed better came along. I admit i was doing blue pill shit in the beginning and I lost frame but quickly fixed that as soon as I realized. So to the actual context. I was having doubts about her on whether or not she valued and appreciated me.. It was an accumulations of small behaviors and incidents that led me to believe that “she was never mine but it was only my turn”. They say to watch a person's behavior and actions than their words. I’m a pretty high value male, great job, disciplined, passionate, driven, does triathlons and in excellent shape (9% bf), etc and i feel like i'm not even close to peaking yet and I felt like she wasn’t seeing my worth. She isn’t too shabby on paper either, ivy league, in med school, both parents still together, loves her dad, stays at home mostly and studies, quiet and reserved on the outside. All qualities that I find very attractive. Over the months of us dating the red flags were: \- she’s had 20+ sexual partners (eventually got over this) \- more guys friends than girlfriends in her hometown \- admitted she went through a wild phase pre med school early 20s \- we rarely talk during the week, maybe two texts throughout the day and speak on the phone for every two or three days. This is understandable given our insane schedules. \- I notice her flexing her hypergamy, always get a sense that she’s measuring me against other prospects and it makes me feel like I’m not good enough. \- one time she admitted to judging me while we were out together \- Still friends with guys she’s slept with from back home \- a few weeks ago she broke up with me saying that she didn’t think we were compatible. Said it was our bc our communication and love styles (we had a fight that morning where I said I didn’t want to talk about what was bothering me when she asked, it was 4:50AM and I was getting ready to go to the gym and really didn’t feel like talking at that hour) \- I was her only true and serious relationship \- Didn't tell her parents about me after 5 months About the first break up (her breaking up with me) - In the morning i was bothered because she rejected my advances from the night before, I was still kind of upset and she sensed it and asked me what was wrong. I was still blue pill beta during this time. It was 4:50AM and i was getting ready for the gym and already running late and not in the right mind set to talk about it at that time. I told her that I didn't want to talk about it and went to the bathroom to finish getting ready. When i came back she was gone. We didn't speak the rest of the day. She broke up with me later that evening and I did not come close to seeing it coming, i was completely blindsided. It really fucked me up and made me realize where I stood and how much I truly ""meant"" to her. All this shit about her saying that she loved me so much seemed like a lie. How could she have so easily and hastily make a decision to break up after that if she truly loved me and valued the relationship? It made me believe (and i still kind of do) that I am only a placeholder until she finds someone better. She is currently applying to residency and has no idea where she'll end up. I told her from the get go that if we go long-distance we weren't going to work and she agreed on that. She's told me that she's trying to her best stay in the same city and told me that she wanted to stay in the same city. After she broke up with me, i called her a few hours later and we pretty much got back together. She texted me after saying that she was really glad that I called and decided to give it another chance. During this day, i came across TRM and quickly read it during 2 days and immediately realized what i was doing wrong. I quickly changed everything about me, which actually felt like my natural self. I realized that I was winning the frame back. She cooked for me, was fucking me like before when i wanted, was more touchy and all up on me, etc. But despite all the positive changes, i broke up with her. I couldn't stop thinking about how she broke up with me so quickly and remembered all of these red flags that my beta mind just accepted and with TRM fresh in my mind i felt like i couldn't accept them anymore. I broke up with her. I just kept thinking about all of these things and her behaviors and told myself that I was not going to be a placeholder for anyone and I that I deserve better. She's about to enter that ""wall"" as she's 27 where she is needing to settle down and my sexual market value is only going to go up from here. When i told her that i didn't think it was going to work out, she just said ""ok"" and agreed. She said that she had a feeling that we weren't going to work out too saying incompatible communication and love languages. I did send her a follow up text on how communication and love languages are not deal breakers and things that couples learn about each other and adapt as they get to know each other and that no couple has perfect communication and compatible love languages from the beginning, which she agreed. She called me the following day asking to talk and drove all the way to my place (30+ minutes) to drop off some stuff. I told her to leave it outside my door which she did but she ended up calling me to talk. I said that i was busy at work but i spoke with her on the phone. She was pretty much asking me why I broke things off and what the deal breakers were. Initially i just told her that I didn't think we were compatible and that she was not what i was looking for in a long term relationship. I do want to add for context that she grew up in a VERY liberal state and city. and went to a VERY liberal college. Pretty much the birth place of feminism and modern day feminism. Which is different from my upbringing. I hold pretty conservative values. Against all what is said about TRP and me knowing fully i shouldve just left it and not get into the details, I truly care about her so i eventually told her the reasons after she asked a third time. I told her everything about how I didn't feel valued and felt like she didn't see my worth. I told her the real reason despite knowing that it would make me look weak and she would probably lose respect for me. She pretty said my way of thinking was very old-fashioned and called me a misogynist a couple times. She knows damn well I'm not a misogynist and I was a great boyfriend. I was committed and loyal to the point she couldn't ever doubt where she stood and my commitment to her. I know what i want in life and am very upfront with my intentions (which i think killed the desire for her). I value a relationship and a shared life and made that very clear. I come from a conservative household and consider myself red pilled, although i don't agree with everything about TRP. Even though she thinks she's probably blue pilled, she did have some red pill qualities about her. She's cooked for me a couple times, she's submissive with me, she's prudent. However, she can be very strong minded and bratty. During that same call she was asking me why i didn't communicate these things to her and how i felt. I told her because it would've done the exact opposite. You don't negotiate with desire. If she respects me and values me then she would show those things to me. You don't tell the sun to stop shining, the fish to stop swimming, the wind to stop blowing. If she is then she will show through her behaviors and actions. She mentioned that she wanted to try again and i pretty much brushed it off saying that things won't be the same. I'm so conflicted right now because i feel like we could've had a real good thing. I feel like if I maintained my frame i could've made her fall for me more and we would've been really good for each other. I think i might have fucked up because she had all the qualities i was looking for, she was kind, cautious, prudent, feminine, never wore revealing clothes, didn't post on social media, she stayed at home and studied.. I having freshly read TRM, it fucked with my perspective a little and only made me focus on the bad. Tomassi even says in the book that all females exhibit hypergamy, it's part of their biology, so it doesn't matter who the girl is. I don't know i feel like I fucked up and don't know if i should go to her and try to make things right. But i also don't want to seem weak and lose frame. TL;DR Broke up with GF because i didn't think she valued me and felt like I was just a placeholder until or if she finds someone better after freshly coming off reading TRM. I feel like it fucked with my perspective a little and i ruined what could've been a good thing. &#x200B; EDIT: I do want to clarify that I did have oneitis and idealism in the beginning. The reason I was getting these behaviors from her was because of ME. Because of my blue pill beta ways. I was so brainwashed by the feminist agenda. But I quickly fixed that and I noticed that she was happier and more receptive to me. She wanted to be led and she quickly submitted once i started leading. Everything was fine, but i still couldn't shake her previous behaviors as a result of my prior blue pill ways and broke up with her. I feel like i jumped the gun without giving it a chance with me being red pill",,0,Pristine-Implement0,2021-08-27 00:18:21 askMRP,paju64,Feedback on constant arguments,"Questions at bottom: I'd like to talk about my relationship with my wife for the first bit, then talk about what progress I've made. My wife is smart. We met in college on the same program at school, both tied for best grades. Back then I was dating a few ladies, but she rose to the top as someone that could challenge me effectively and thought I was genuinely funny, and I thought she was interesting. She was a soccer player and I was a nerd. 10 years go by, married, graduated, no kids, 30f/30m. Based on the things below, the relationship has begun to shift. We are both employed. Our finances, run by me, are great. I have a great social life so far, abs she generally doesn't like making friends. About a year ago I realized the last remaining thing for me to ""figure out"" in life was our relationship and fitness. I started with fitness. I hired a personal trainer online for myself, and have been working out each morning for the last year. I'm skinny, but I'm bulking up and dedicated and lifting more than ever before. It's done a lot for my mental clarity. While our sex life has gone up and better, I'm still not getting what I want (and neither is she). But the reason I'm writing today is because of the latest way we've been arguing, and I'd like to get feedback on it. My wife has always been a little whiny. She'll complain about small things, not because she cares that much, but ""because leaving out my dishes EVERY NIGHT is frustrating"" or ""telling jokes at my expenses hurts my feelings"" or ""you always say things like that and I think they are mean, and I'd like an apology"". Those are pretty bad examples, but what she does is gets all pouty, I ask her what's wrong, and she lectures me for 10 minutes about the topic and how she doesn't appreciate it. I'll apologise and roll over, and she'll say my apologies don't feel sincere. Well, they usually aren't. I usually think she should stand up for herself more, or take a joke more often. Her whole extended family lecture each other all the time and it doesn't feel effective, but sometimes ""it's the only way to get the point across"". I've been working out a year, and most the time i work out, she watches TV. We both work, but me from home and her in person, and she says since I work from home, I get a lot of time to surf Reddit, so it's about even. But, while I'm on Reddit 3 hours a day here and there, it still feels like she's being lazy by watching TV 3 hours a day. I've tried to get super fit and lead by example, (she's slightly overweight) but so far, she hasn't seemed to follow my lead or diet or anything. So, powered by my confidence from fitness, I've decided I'm tired of being lectured. It's been rough, but I've resisted being talked down to. Part of that is stepping up my chores/owning shit around the house. Part of that is less apologizing for things I haven't done. I think it's been going... Alright. My wife doesn't like it very much. We argue even more, when she is ready to lecture me about feelings and I just don't care, she gets really sad. If I just deny it, she gets angry. If I try to quickly accept and apologize, she says it's not sincere. She withholds affection, probably unintentionally (she's sad!) During a lot of these arguments. **questions:** 1. Any suggestions for heading off / arguing less about her feelings? 2. Any suggestions about getting her to own her own shit and diet and make friends and shit 3. I've been really insecure during arguments about maybe her thinking one of her co-workers is hot. She hasn't said anything but I know he's hot and she makes friends with hot co-workers before. I'm 100% positive she doesn't have the interest in cheating, but I find myself extremely insecure by the prospect of even like, a light crush. Tips / tricks here? 4. I do a shit, an absolute fuck ton of validation seeking behavior, especially around being lectured. Any tips to ... stop... Needing that? 5. Part of the reason I've never posted here is I'm scared of her feelings being hurt. I don't want to go to bed sad/angry. But also, my perfect relationship is me as the provider and her cuddling me and me being more alpha and her being appreciative of me providing for her. That would be a total shift. Is that... A realistic thing I'll ever get with this woman? Or should I lower my expectations? I'm not really even considering someone else at this point. (And don't want to!)",,8,throwawaypizza1,2021-08-24 09:25:24 askMRP,pa0jms,"How to regain ""honeymoon phase"" levels of attraction with LTR","As stated, the quotations is the acknowledgement that most people in this community believe that the honeymoon phase is a myth and the female(s) in your life are either attracted to you or not. Whether that be the case my question is, as stated above. I've been with my LTR for just under a year and it's become apparent that she has fallen out of the ""honeymoon phase"". We were spending a bit too much time together, and things became comfortable. I consider myself at the time of this phase in the relationship somewhat redpill, redpill enough to exert the traditional alpha-lead style in the relationship, but not redpill adept in relationships. So upon this discovery, I read up on dread game and used it a bit. However as people have mentioned in this community before that there needs to be an actual reason to dread her, and she hasn't given me one. She's still a good, loving girlfriend who is often dtf. She hasn't been a bitch or rude. She's just not as into me as she once was. So back to the question, for a guy in my situation, what is the strategy do regain that burning desire she had in the ""honeymoon phase""? We don't live together, ftr.",,20,maisman10,2021-08-23 14:07:21 askMRP,p91tw2,LTR Trying To Leverage The Relationship (Relocation),"**Stats**: 33 years old [6’1, 200lbs~, 13%bf - max BP 210, SQ 300, DL 345, OHP 165] - never married and no kids. **Sidebar**: No More Mr. Nice Guy, Rational Male, Book of Pook, Bang & Day Bang, When I Say No, I Feel Guilty. Opsec account as my LTR knows my main Reddit account. --- **Post**: Gentleman, I’m looking for some outside perspective on my current situation involving my LTR. I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend (28) for well over two and a half years now. She started out as someone I casually dated for around a year in a half before I decided to become exclusive & LTR her. The relationship over the past two years has been very good as she enters my frame and compliments my life. After taking the time dating and spinning plates before entering an LTR, I wanted to make sure that vetting and boundary making was done well in advance to help whatever woman I decided to be in a relationship with. Back in the spring around April, after it was around our two years of being together, my LTR mentioned to me that she was interested in us living together and taking the next step. I told her that it would be something I would be open to in the future, but as of now, nope. She was a little annoyed at my answer I do see the potential of being with her long-term and even having kids with her one day, but it’s still far too soon as I have things going on in my life and that is a priority. It’s something I’m open to and I am keeping my options open. Based on Rollo’s rules, there is no way that I am living with a woman unless I am planning on getting married to her (soon) or planning on having a family. Over the past month or so, my LTR mentioned to me that she is thinking of relocating cities for her career since her company has offices in other areas that she can move too; especially, with covid pretty much done where we live. The other day when we were together, she mentioned to me that she is openly looking and starting to apply for ‘possible’ (her words) relocation. She asked my thoughts on the situation and I just responded that she has to do what she has to do, if you want to leave and work somewhere else, do it. I understand the saying “she’s not yours', it's just your turn” all too well. When in doubt, AWALT. Afterward, she came to me all upset and saying how she wanted to be with me more. She brought up the topic (again) around wanting to live together to give it a shot. My answer was the same as before a few months prior and I left it at that. I have never been in this situation before, but I’m curious if any of you guys here have been through it. Based on all of the info I have read from the sidebar, it seems like she is trying to leverage the relationship and have me enter her frame. What’s the best way to approach this situation? Do I just accept that she will more than likely move on (i.e. relocate for job, bounce, etc.) if we don’t end up moving in together? Thanks in advance. Edit: I updated a few things in my post to answer some questions and I fixed my DL number as I noticed I put it in wrong. Thanks for the advice and thoughts!",,12,RoyalPoolMan,2021-08-21 23:40:52 askMRP,p92yxl,"I'm always late for stuff in life, so I guess marriage will be delayed as well. What am I missing?","I'm 30. Basically I used to fuck around daydreaming shit all day long, which made me overall bad in everything (thank you ADHD). I've just awakened, it's like life has started again for me since I started working in fixing this aspect (meditation, presence in the moment). My life right now: - single - looking the best I've looked, fit - own an apartment and a cheap car - had to start a career all over again from the start, my colleagues in the same position are aged 25. At least it's the company I've always wanted to work for. So, what am I missing? At this point, most dudes my age are married with kids. I don't want that right now, but it feels like every situation I was ever late for. I don't want to jump steps with a random girl, but it feels like it's something I should've already sorted by now. Married guys seem to be much more of a man than I am. I feel like a teenager around them. Thoughts?",,5,thiikn,2021-08-22 00:54:07 askMRP,p8ua8j,Wanting to explode when STFU?,"I’m sure this is due to years of DEERing but there’s has been a lot of instances where when I try to STFU. It literally eats me away inside until I build a resentment and explode. For example. The wife was sick with Covid last week. I took care of the kids. Told her to go rest. Picked her up some food and flowers. Because I wanted to. I knew she felt alone being quarantined and I wanted to make her feel special and they did made her so happy. We’ll the next couple days of course I get the virus. She’s feeling much better so she takes care of the kids and such. Only she’s doing everything with attitude and yelling remarks from downstairs. I stfu but My mind is saying. Are you serious? I encouraged you to go rest the least you can do is understand where I’m at here and not be a bitch about it. But again. I stfu. Next day I wake up. Headache so bad I can barely see but our son wakes up. So I shut up and muster up the energy to cook him breakfast and get him comfortable. Shortly after she comes downstairs. And hears him crying while I’m cooking for him. And says. “Why are you crying you never cry for me in the morning.” My blood starts to boil and I want to say. Maybe Bc he isn’t feeling good Bc you weren’t wearing a mask around him when I told you to while I was at work. (She felt run down before we knew it was Covid and I told her to wear a mask around him incase it was Covid. But she insisted it wasn’t. And what do you know. It was.) But I stfu. After I tell her I’m going to lay down. She comes up to grab her phone. I say come give me a kiss. And she goes. You didn’t give me a kiss this morning. And walks out. I’m thinking you’re such a bitch. I could barely see and take the kid so you can sleep in and because you’d just leave him to cry if I didn’t do it. I literally took care of everything no questions asked to make you feel comfortable through all this and this is how you behave? But I stfu. But it’s making me miserable and want to say something. I get this is probably a covert contract. But I’m not asking for anything other than being pleasant. Why is it bad to ask for that? Now if I stfu and withdrawal my attention. She will come into bed to cuddle tonight and when I do my own thing. She will absolutely flip it on me. How I don’t love her enough. Or something of the sort. How in the world can I STFU after that? I just have to stfu and boil inside while she walks around clueless of the annoying shit she does? It’s causing me to dislike her. I see it as I Do things and get treated like shit. So then I don’t want to do them. Or Don’t do things and get asked why I don’t do things for her. And I have to stfu about all of this? How do you guys do this without wanting to snap?",,7,blackjackjackblack10,2021-08-21 16:16:56 askMRP,p8smox,Failed comfort test / failed captain?,"Current situation: Wife has locked herself in the bathroom crying to avoid me after I tried to pass what I believed to be a (pretty major) comfort test by repeatedly insisting that I love her and trying to hold her and giving some very light AM attitude at the same time. Her entire attitude was that it was way too late for that kind of thing, that she wanted nothing to do with me and that I am selfish and heartless and do not care about her. Question: Was this a comfort test and if so, what could I have done better? Or have I in fact fucked up in some deeper way? Me: 30+ 82 kg 15% bf (navy method). 2 kids 0-5 y. Been with girl (kids' mother) for 13 y. Have applied mrp techniques for about 6 months and made some good progress. BACKGROUND Today: I got up at 7.50 after a night out. Wife was still pissed from yesterday and got more pissed since I slept in (again, see below). She woke up at 6 with the kids. I tried and failed to penetrate her mood. Declared to the kids that we were going on an outing. Packed up and left at 9.30 with two happy children. We did two great activites that the kids love and had lunch in between. Got home after 4 h. Kids are now tired and happy. Wife got pissed that I decided the outing on my own and that I took the car so she couldn't use it. She correctly concluded that I ignored her bad mood and did not care of her opinion regarding the outing. Says she feels left out and disrespected. I offered her to come multiple times, honestly and truly wanting her to come. I know that she would have loved today's activites. YESTERDAY Yesterday, my wife got mad at me right from the start because she woke up (was awaken) with the kids early and I was not on my feet until 30 min later. I then made breakfast while my wife remained in bed but was unable to fall asleep again. At 8, I started working and left the kids to her. She was in a foul mood during the day. Receted all attempts to game her. Then declared that she wanted to go play golf. I actually thought that it was a good idea after a rough week and wanted to make it a familyu priority as captain. Took time out of my work day to take care of the kids while she golfed. She came home right before bedtime, kids fed, washed and ready. She got really mad that I hadn't made food for her. I tried to penetrate her mood and offered her my nude embrace after taking a shower. She rejected. I then with happy OI groomed myself and went out for a night out with some friends. Had a great time and got home at 01.30 AM. Wife sent a lot of texts, seeming both angry and affected by dread. THE WEEK Now, my wife is tired after a week of staying home from work to take care of our sick kids. I have worked (lawyering) from home throughout the week during office hours. Captained pretty good and dedicated all the time I can (with exceptions, see below) to taking care of the kids while I am not working. Cooking, bedtime and so forth. During the week, I left the kids to my wife on wednesday night at bedtime to go prepare a thing with male friends for a gentlemens club dinner I am going to tonight. It was planned ahead. I left according to plan in the middle of bedtime, effectively neglecting that my wife wanted me to sit with one kid while she put the other to bed in a bedtime routine that I do not want to support. From her perspective, it ruined her night. FURHTER BACK Historically, sleeping in and thus leaving the kids to my wife have been one of my red flag weaknessess. This has been a major issue until I started with MRP and is still not perfect. Ideally, I would get up 30 mins before everybody else each day. But most days, the described scenario is what happens. I will admit that I have currently accepted this state as a great improvement on my side - effectively we often get up at the same time and I do take care of the kids for the first hour of my day. Although, and this is important, sometimes (perhaps once every week) I do sleep an hour longer in the morning. My wife does not get the same opportunity. FUCKED UP? For me, the current situation feels as a failure. At the same time, I have captained to the best of my ability during the week and done good work both in the ""office"" and at home, all while keeping a happy and strong frame and sticking to my reasonable plans. Despite this, maybe I have failed as a captain by not creating the opportunity for my girl to get reasonable rest. Or maybe I did OK and just failed the comfort test? I feel like I have done much right and still failed.",,0,sgtrokoko,2021-08-21 14:41:35 askMRP,p6uwf4,Am I missing an opportunity here?,"Been reading and thinking about MRP a lot the last couple days. One thing that has come to mind is wether or not I’m giving my wife opportunities to add value to my life . As a small example… often my wife will ask me if she can make me something to eat or take care of my laundry. I’m pretty independent on these sort of things, I usually tell her “Thanks, but I’ll take care of it”. I do what I want for sure, it’s my choice and there’s not any sort of CC or ego thing going on here. It’s as simple as if I need something I’ll take care of it myself. I got to thinking, maybe I should be allowing her to do things like this and when they are done well praise can be given. I can’t create a positive feedback loop if I’m not giving chances. If I let her do tasks like that she may feel good about it and find herself wanting to do more?",,16,JustAboutDone3070,2021-08-18 16:39:26 askMRP,p5udmr,Is there an OYS thread for women?,"So I just discovered TRP about two weeks ago, and so far it's been mind-blowing eye-opening for me. It was a few days after I had a rock-bottom interaction with my SO. I've been enjoying reading the OYS thread and seeing different people on different stages of their self-improvement journey, and I was wondering if the redpillwomen subreddits had something similar but I'm guessing they do not, because they have significantly less members unfortunately. I'm wondering if there are other resources out there for like-minded women looking for a way to help with accountability and improvement?",,8,[deleted],2021-08-17 01:58:54 askMRP,p345bp,I Need Validation,"36 yo 185 lbs, 6'2 married 8, together 16, kids 8 months 4 years Bp 215PR 165 5x5working weight Op 140PR 110 5x5 working weight Squat 245PR No working weight as my quadricep tendons are fucked up right now (rolling and stretching instead) Dl 275PR No working weight as my quadricep tendons are fucked up right now (rolling and stretching instead) Bf% 16.5% Reading: NMMNG 2x, WISNIFG 2x, MMSLP and watched the vides Rian puts out on these (good stuff). reading the game (recco from Rian). Currently re-reading, re-watching NMMNG and doing the break free exercises. Also reading some posters with a deep OYS history from start to finish and some posts around frame - [(1) A Practical Guide To Building Frame : marriedredpill (reddit.com)](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/62awdg/a_practical_guide_to_building_frame/) [(1) The Elements of Frame 0 - Introduction : marriedredpill (reddit.com)](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/337uvx/the_elements_of_frame_0_introduction/) I'm not brand spanking new here but im certainly not sure what the fuck I am doing. but I am coming to the decision that one of my foundational issues is that I am validation seeking .. in fucking EVERYTHING, that shit seems to permeate into every damn aspect of my life, how I view the world, how I interpret people, and things. I am fresh on my second rule 9 ban - and this helped me see the validation lens I use In doing the OYS and break free and self reflection. It sure seems to me that damn near everything I do and say comes from a core of validation seeking. Even doing the OYS's, lifting, working on day game. All of this comes from wanting my wife to dig me more.... day to day I dont think that but upon reflection I sure as fuck do. It all started as a means to an end of me feeling like my wife lusts after me like a porn star (insert whatever thing that equates to an extreme level of attraction and desire) as I think about it while typing it is hard for me to think of things I do that I can 100% say I am not doing it for some level of validation, I dont want to be autistic and I understand there is nuance on all things but as I think about it and my history from like 10 years old or on... it is fucking everywhere. Even as a kiddo I would change my mannerisms based on which parent I was with, I do this with my wife now, my friends, co-workers, random ppl I meet. I dont think my life is bad but I have also lived this way for years and dont know a better way. I DO know my life has gotten better in the last two years (this process led me to MRP but I have not been part of MRP for two years) and that can be attributed in part to the readings and participation here. Really Im trying to work out how the fuck to I break away from consciously and unconsciously seeking the validation in every god damn interaction in my life? How do I even fucking know who I am and what I want if all I am trying to do is get validation from others. god damn where the fuck do I even start. I know this isnt unique to me and I would really appreciate some help breaking out of it. If the answer is to just see it when it comes up/course correct where I can, keep lifting, reading, OYS, and take your time. That is fine and what my current plan is.",,18,[deleted],2021-08-12 17:06:27 askMRP,p213o2,Wife keeps asking if everything is alright,"Every since I started this journey things have been going way better. But lately my wife keep asking me if everything is all right. And is like stressing to keep up almost. I told her what I expected out of the family because she was just laying around. And she started to pick up the pace but now she’s like going overboard. She will call me while I’m at work apologizing that she didnt get a chance to put the dishes away. Or dumb little things. It’s almost like she’s living in fear and it’s giving her anxiety I stopped caring about her so much and will get laser focused on work or something I’m doing and she will say I seem upset. Asking if everything is alright. Am I sure. Etc. It’s honestly starting to get annoying. I tell her no everything is fine with a smile. Because honestly it is. I told her she can relax everything is fine. And she doesn’t need to stress about the little shit. But she will still ask if anything is wrong like every single day. How do I stop This? Also where does the line get drawn between being a leader and pretending your wife is dead. I keep questioning myself whether I should be asking her for help or do things. Or Just doing everything on my own. I don’t want this to give her an excuse to be lazy again",,22,blackjackjackblack10,2021-08-10 23:35:24 askMRP,p1cj6g,Title: A dating strategy for older RP men,"This is my first post. It’s about a dating strategy for mature guys – not an OYS and not a victim puke. I hope MRP moderators don’t bury it because it contains material that’s not easily found in RP forums. To be clear, I am writing for a particular audience, not teenagers or 20s-30s, maybe some upper 40s-50s, mostly guys above that age. The rest of the web is totally blue-pilled on the subject. *Background*: I am a 56 year old MD who was red-pilled in divorce court. My kids are in college. My ex did well financially by divorcing a doc after 20 years marriage… ’nuff said. All future contact with her is severed except maybe for graduations and weddings. I found Rollo and TRP too late, after my divorce. I read the sidebar entirely along with other RP literature. I am in excellent health, physically fit, have decent looks for my age. I am pretty marketable. I am not going to provide squat numbers or my N count. Though I am no longer married, and never will be married again, I appreciate MRP for its wisdom and its guidance. # THREE THOUGHTS ABOUT DATING IN AMERICA IN 2021, UNRELATED TO MY AGE (1) Virtually all American women are poisoned by feminist ideas (2) Divorced women are off limits – my choice, not theirs (3) Single moms are off limits. They should be off limits for every man who has his shit together. Let the gutter guys have ’em. As a medical doctor of 25 years who delivered hundreds of babies, who gets paid to examine women’s vaginas and touch their breasts, who’s dealt with every combination of STDs and psychosocial disease, who’s been immersed in the dark side as well as the bright side of humanity, I have a different take on sexuality than most TRP writers. I can list many examples of what drives my thinking but here are three ugly ones: * I delivered babies to several 12-14 year olds. I had pregnant girls as young as nine (9) in my career. * I treated the crusty trifecta of gonorrhea, *chlamydia* and *trichomonas* too many times to count and multiple times in a clinic day * I managed every sort of psychiatric problem, and a large number of relationship problems. That didn't keep me from getting blue pilled in my marriage. # THERE IS NO FRESH MEAT Men have choices in how much spoilage we can tolerate in women, and how much spoilage we elicit. Are you gonna be the guy giving an STD to an eighteen year old? Where do you, personally, draw the line with women’s ages, who is too young to fuck, who is too old to fuck, who is too ugly to fuck, who is too sick to fuck? Do you, as an older guy, want to seduce virgins? This is not judgmental rhetoric. We each need to decide what is our personal sexual standard. I do not want answers posted here, just introspection: Are your lusts truly your own, or have you absorbed them from someone else – maybe from porn or MSM? *Men should think about our programming and where it came from before seducing anyone.* # IDEAS FROM A GUY WHO TRIED IT POST-DIVORCE AND GOT BURNED (4) Twenty-somethings today are boring as talking to a wall. Yeah, they can fuck but with most of them that’s about it (5) Thirty, forty, or fifty-somethings who were *never married* AND *had no kids* almost universally: * Have serious mood or personality disorders * Are angry at the universe * Blame the patriarchy (6) Women with high body counts may be fun for a while *but these cats will stray.* Are they worth my time? Are they worth your time? Middle aged and older guys have limited days on this planet and limited energy to burn. We need to stay on our mission, remain physically fit and enjoy our hobbies. While female companionship can be enjoyable if it’s not been ruined through poor life choices, the novelty is less than when we were young. Gone is our willingness to orbit a supposed goddess. Most of us have standards that need to be met. So how is an older, professional type guy supposed to avoid the pitfalls of dating in this feminazi / thotpocalypse era? I believe it involves building and maintaining standards. So here is my current list: # MY DATING STANDARDS & FUTURE GOALS (1) Don’t date single moms (DDSM) (2) Don’t date divorcees (DDD) (3) ***DO*** *date women who are tired of feminism*, who enjoy receiving a man, and who appreciate masculine energy (4) Don’t date married women (DDMW) (5) Don’t date never-married women \*(DDNMW)\* (6) No multicolored flags (7) No children, goats, or creatures that scurry (8) No physical stigmata or psychiatric disease *Points #1 and 8 are standard RP dogma.* *#5 – \*(DDNMW\*) is deeper but we’ll call it personal preference.* *The rest are self explanatory.* *Women with serious medical conditions such as terminal cancer might be #9 but I’ll leave it off the list for now.* The senior dating challenge is like looking at a Venn diagram or solving simultaneous algebraic equations. I created a dating strategy for myself which I enjoyed enough to present here. The optimal solution I found is dating *once-married, never-divorced* single women, ie, *widows*. (A brief pause for the retching and vomiting to subside.) Some widows are amazing. Maybe it’s an acquired taste, but I like what I’m finding so far. # REFLECTIONS What I have been finding through two years of widows “research” is that this is an underappreciated dating pool. These women generally know what masculine energy is and they value it. They are easier to seduce and they usually don’t mind being upfront about their willingness to be taken. They play fewer mind games. They waste less time. They usually leave a man with no regrets afterward. Yes, there are some wholesome pretenders, hostile, fat or ugly chicks – same as any other group – but they are comparatively more pleasant than their age matched peers. A few takeaway points: &#x200B; * Unlike teenagers and young 20s (who are still children despite their N counts), widows aren’t worse off after receiving a man – especially a man who unreservedly enjoys the woman’s body and her feminine spirit * Not all widows are hags. Some are young and attractive, and some are terrific in bed. Most are willing to improve. * Many are emotionally healthy. Almost all widows know how to handle stress because they already did it repeatedly. Some were emotionally shattered by their loss, but they they were able to build stronger internal structures afterward. This is excellent news for guys who are exhausted by all the brittle, posturing, tatted-up females shouting about micro-aggressions and proclaiming wokeness. * Widows are plentiful: 13 million in the US and 259 million worldwide, but those numbers seem low * An average widow has more wisdom than most non-widows. That means they may not tolerate fools or lowlife as readily, though it depends on the woman. * They’re often more financially stable than the general public, so less of a man's time is wasted on gold diggers * STD risk is statistically low * They tend to be less shallow, have traveled more widely, have more cool hobbies, a broader outlook, can talk about interesting things, and have fewer sexual hangups. When they do have sexual hangups, those are easily plowed through. Guys can throw stones at my observations but I ask instead for logical responses rather than spouting emotionality or clichés. Maybe some guys will give widows a try instead of going MGTOW? # LAST THOUGHTS I got permanently banned from Ask MRP for admitting I prefer women my own age. Humpty Dumpty egos say I should be more like they are, chasing 20 year old skirt and getting played. One thing is infinite in this universe – fools. To the younger guys: Get the best education you can. Don’t settle for a pseudo-education at TRP or anywhere else. Don’t date widows until you’ve cut your teeth. To readers of all ages: TRP leadership is selling you something that benefits them more than you. They use gaslighting and narcissistic tricks to create codependency, but it only works if you let them.",,44,GoingForHundred,2021-08-09 22:52:07 askMRP,p12fuy,Retard Science Experiment - The Holy Grail of Cum,"What's up retards? You guys doing well in here? I figured this place gives me so much entertainment it's time to give back to the community with hard, long data once again. [Previous science experiments](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/jea7p5/the_askmrp_science_experiment_has_concluded/) have yielded retarded results, I expect this one to perform the same. The difference this time is that the control subject is not a retard, but ME. But since I'm posting to /r/askmrp.... I guess that makes me a retard wanting to play in the retard playpen. In order for me to run this experiment I needed some retarded sexual strategy to test and the methods to test it must be like an autist retard would. Plus, I really DNGAF because I can recover from any retarded shit damage I cause unlike you fucktards, so... Let's begin. # The Holy Grail of Cum Science Experiment I recently came across the [Holy Grail of Cum](https://www.reddit.com/r/cumsluts/comments/8f2svw/_/dy1zhdn/?context=1) (thanks /u/tyred_biggums) supplement stack. It was on the internet and had a lot of upvotes. For sure it's legit. Do you think this will make my cum more powerful like Chad McThundercock's massive loads he shoots on your wives? Do you think if I shot bigger loads I'd be more attractive to my wife? What other questions can I ask in other people's frame? So here's the retarded cum-buckets formula: * L-Arginine, 1000mg Strength, Taken 1 time daily = 1000mg * Zinc, 50mg Strength, Taken 1 time daily = 50mg * Pygeum, 100mg Strength, Taken 2 times daily = 200mg * Lecithin, 1200mg Strength, Taken 1 time daily = 1200mg I went to amazon and ordered it all right away. I began day #1 taking the recommended doses, but the man in that post said he leaked pre-cum like a faucet after 5 weeks. So I doubled the doses. All of them. But here's where the science experiment gets cool: What happens if I don't initiate sex while building up this high performing sweatshop hours semen factory she can smell? What if I don't turn down her need to suck on my dick sometimes, but I don't bust a nut for as long as I can go? Will she love me more? What if I go full autist DNGAF - just STFU and LIFT - and take my cum pills - what will happen? Surely she'll get some dread and think I'm fucking other women. That always works, right? Well guys, it's been 6 days. I haven't cum in 6 long days and managed to ward off the evil dick witch from busting my nut. This morning I had to pull an Al Copone and evade her blowjob tax by rolling over and pretending to want more sleep. Last night she fell asleep accidently with my dick in her hands. Wife is generally walking around the house looking defeated and mopey My general side effects: Weird and strong desires to go day-game HARD. Lots of success already if I wanted it. Dreaming about a sea of imaginary pussy and mentally masturbating to it hard. I'm about ready to bust out a gooey mile-long bullet from my dick and my balls are swollen a bit. /u/Praexology calls me Hollow Point Horns because he thinks I'm gonna put a hole in the back of her head. Will report back science experiment data as it intensifies.",,48,HornsOfApathy,2021-08-09 14:22:28 askMRP,oz98dm,FR - Push Yourself Into Her,"Morning Bitches! Lately, I’ve noticed a complete lack of Field Reports here, especially ones where something actually went well. Here’s mine from last night. Background: Things haven’t been going that well and I haven’t had sex with my wife in 3 months. I know my shit’s fucked, go read my OYS if you want to dig into that pile of shit, that’s not what this FR is about. So, the last few nights I decided to put forth some extra effort on initiations. Shot down with shitty excuses every time. It was so bad that two nights ago my wife literally had an ice pack on her head for her headache. So, yesterday afternoon, I come across this [GEM](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/owz55a/own_your_shit_weekly_august_03_2021/h7nxmhd?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) from [HORNS](https://www.reddit.com/user/HornsOfApathy/): &#x200B; >Can you try something? Because as I read that reply it is entirely in her frame. Don't do that > >Next time you're wondering if feelz are there just stop. Don't try to calibrate if and why they are there. Instead, just remain silent. Push yourself and *your* strong masculine feelz *into her* and slowly but forcefully apply that pressure as if you are penetrating your woman with your thoughts. > >Think about how fucking hot and sexy she is. Find that part of her body you like the most and just enjoy it. Keep pushing in and soon you'll start to feel her inner feminine polarity has nothing else to do but react naturally to your own. > >Don't say a fucking word but look at her. > >Then, when you're ready, go fuck your wife. And fuck her like it's the last time you're ever going to fuck. &#x200B; So, I decided WTF, I’ll give it a try, it sounds corny, but what have I got to lose. Here’s the deal, it worked, well. I sat on the bed and waited for her to come out from the bathroom. I thought about her ass as instructed. She came out and I just stared at her and pushed myself (metaphorically) into her. Staring into her and thinking about her ass and thinking about fucking her. She asked what I was doing, I STFU and continued. She giggled, she knew what I was doing, she liked it and then we had sex with literally no resistance. Given our past circumstances sex with no resistance, no excuses, is completely unheard of. Now I wish I could top this story off with a fantastic over the top story of how great the sex was and how she let me fuck her in the ear or something for the first time, but this wasn’t that. I’ve been going thru a phase, she hasn’t been that attractive to me, and it’s likely reciprocal. The sex was so, so, but it was much better than no sex or a hard rejection. Special hat tip to the “think about your favorite body part” portion, that tipped the scale for me. For those of you with 1000 shitty excuses to not have sex, give it a go, this technique literally washed all that shit away in 15 seconds. In the long run, it's a frame issue, but this is a great technique to ditch your shitty frame for a few minutes. What have you got to lose?",,76,UsefulWalk4,2021-08-06 15:43:37 askMRP,ozhhul,What do you fellas with kids do in your free time?,"I’m in my early 30s. Besides lifting and reading. I have this underlying anxiety that I am not doing enough. That I’m slacking and could be doing more. I never feel I’m doing enough to better myself. I lift 5 days a week. I read everyday. I’m watching videos/podcast while I’m on the road. I do a lot of mental work. But I feel lack in the action department. I have a 15 month old and when I have him with the wife’s at work (esp on his nap schedule) I am stuck at the house with this feeling like I can be doing more productive things with my time. Find shit to clean. To cook. to do around the house to fill this free time. But I still have this fucking feeling I can’t shake. When the kids up I take him to parks (he can’t walk yet) and for walks. Between work and watching him. I’m beat but again still feel there should be more I’m doing. Idk if I’m being too hard on myself or not hard enough. I’m in recovery for drugs (1 year sober after using for 10 years). And boredom has alway led me back to addiction so maybe this part of my unlying bullshit. Maybe it’s the fear of going back. Maybe it’s trying to make up for lost time. I guess What I’m asking is. What are productive things you found to do with your free time. ESP if you’re with your children?",,14,Tohnjaylor11,2021-08-06 22:51:35 askMRP,ozbnlg,Body language post,"I was reading the body language post recently [Let's Talk Body Language : marriedredpill (reddit.com)](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3qkonn/lets_talk_body_language/) tried the scapula back and down positioning and damn does it make a difference, now my question is pretty basic (hence askMRP), if the post were live I would have commented this question rather than posting. I am able to do this but it seems to take a bit of effort and I cant hold it for more than 5 mins at a time. The idea is that this should be my default pose (which is great as it instantly fixed my posture) - do I get stronger at this over time to the point I am pretty much always in that position?",,11,[deleted],2021-08-06 17:43:53 askMRP,oxyv1l,Urgent question after dramatic scene over the phone,"Hi, brothers. Me: 45. Her: 35. 8 years married, one toddler kid. &#x200B; Me, just beginning with this. Registering today to a frigging gym. My wife is living in a different state (of the US, that is) than I am, but she's supposed to join me next week, for good. We have been separated for 2 years, with occasional visits here and there, because she was studying a career. She is living with her parents. She just graduated, and now we are supposed to live together. Well, 3 days ago I did something stupid. Let's say I broke an old vase, for example purposes. When I tell her over the phone, she starts telling me that I am stupid, and things begin to escalate. I don't STFU (I know I should have). She gets super angry, calls me stupid several times, hangs up on me. Then calls and says that she's going to call 911 to have the police drag me out from my house because I am dangerous (I am alone in my house and she's in a different state; how ridiculous is that). I say nothing. She hangs up. &#x200B; It's late at night, I go to sleep and she calls me almost at midnight, and I can hear the voice of my daughter crying, saying ""I love you, dad"", and she yelling ""She's crying because you said you wouldn't defend her"" (or something stupid; I can't recall). Then she tells me ""YOU ARE THE WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD"" like five times. I say ""That's not true"" and she hangs up. She's supposed to come and live with me in less than 5 days. What should I do? * Do nothing? STFU, lift, read, etc.? * Call her and say: that was verbal abuse. If you are going to continue that behavior, don't come to live with me in our house? * Go live somewhere else? * Something else? Thanks for your comments in advance.",,11,[deleted],2021-08-04 18:21:35 askMRP,owzc1f,Why do I feel so empty inside?,"Ok, so this is going to be a little different. &#x200B; I have been following Red Pill principles for the past 4 years - give or take. I have been in the fortunate situation that when I have found RedPill on Reddit I was at my lowest and the cruel lessons in life really jumpstarted and fueled the fire in me to change for the better. By now, I have managed to build up my own life, my own frame, my own vision, the ship is sailing with or without a first mate and I feel invincible. I'm successfull at work, side gigs are coming along nicely and finally I have managed to get back into the gym routine again - (doctors finally cleared me for proper exercise as I had a herniated disc last year and a torn muscles in my shoulders). Stats atm: * 195cm, 92KG, 14% body fat ( loosing about 0,75Kilos of fat every week) * Bench max: 65KG at one rep max * Squat: 150KG at one rep max * Deadlift: 100KG at one rep max Rationally, when I look at my life, I feel like at the age of 30, I actually have my shit together and am way ahead of most of my peers in terms of status, power, career, finance and even looks. I am seeing a girl that is super submissive, she calls herself my personal little slut, really enjoy leading her and she just gobbles up my manliness and I can see it on her how much joy and happiness she is getting out of me letting her behave like a real woman - which in some way feeds my manly ego. &#x200B; So here is the problem. Why am I still not happy? What aggravates me about this the most is that I literally cannot find one aspect of my life that I could pinpoint as the root cause of this problem. I really fucking should be that dude that is living his best life as a young, financially independent, successful man. However, nowadays I feel like I am just going through the motions of my daily routine and am not getting a whole lot of joy or excitement out of most things. Everything feels kind of bland, even the amazing sex the girl offers does not excite me anymore the way it used to excite me in the past. &#x200B; What the actual fuck is wrong with me, what did I miss?",,21,abratoki,2021-08-03 08:46:02 askMRP,oss26l,NMMNG sometimes encourages you to talk to your wife about the changes you intend to make - is that compatible with STFU?,"Especially talking about the topic of focusing your activities towards your own happiness instead of hers, and why you're doing it. I feel like this conflicts with the usual mindset here.",,14,qwasd0r,2021-07-27 18:11:09 askMRP,orzc26,I opted for divorce following Ultimatum,"**Background** 31 yo, 31 yo wife, married 3 years together 4, no kids Backstory is the usual, but she outed herself at [OYS #13](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/bz9ucn/own_your_shit_weekly_june_11_2019/eqrs1rv/) for having always been reading my previous OYS. She outed herself because on [OYS#12](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/bwmb5e/own_your_shit_weekly_june_04_2019/epzcze0/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3), I said I had finally gotten over the mental barrier of never allowing myself to cheat. She went all out to try to put the genie back in the bottle. Didn’t work. **The Situation** She’s in school to change careers recently and will graduate in December. The plan was to start trying for kids around October. She’s been wanting to get pregnant since the middle of quarantine, but we(I)’ve been delaying it since is very physically demanding at the tail end and her being pregnant would be counterproductive. Anyway, Friday before bed, we were talking about it and I asked“The plan is to start trying in October right?” “Yeah.” I fall asleep and the next morning I wake up and she starts talking. She starts going through the laundry list of every interaction she’s had with a woman that has *given birth to a man’s child and ruined her body for him* only to find out that he was having sex with someone else either before, during, or right after the pregnancy. That list includes * Both of our mothers * found out 2-3 years that my dad had a 6 yo daughter * her dad got his side piece pregnant right before marrying her mom and didn’t come clean until after the wedding and her mom was also pregnant - mom told her she wouldn’t have gone through with the marriage were her father honest), * her best friend’s twin sister (let’s call her Ophilia) * a woman she worked with her at her first post-college job * a distant cousin * increasingly more obscure connections She could not, would not, and refused to become one of those women. She needed me to promise that I would never be with another woman while we’re married. It surprised me, but, fuck, I couldn’t do it. She said that this is one of those non-negotiables that we used to talk about and if we can’t come to an agreement on this, then we may as well get divorced. This would be the perfect time to do it as it’s before kids come into the picture and the only shared asset we have is the house. She said I can have the house if we get divorced (house was bought 2 years ago and I would have no trouble giving up the little equity we have if she changes her mind later). It ended with her saying to take some time to think about it and to give her my answer. I did just that. I thought about it during my Saturday morning workout. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that that’s not a promise that I was willing to make. I know that means the end of our marriage, but if that’s the cost, then so be it. I thought about how things would change, I researched how divorce could go. I’ve only been building assets for the last two years so even if she decides to fuck me, I’d be okay. I wasn’t doubting my value or that I’d have a hard time getting another woman. I eventually just came to acceptance. I would probably be single soon and I’d be okay. I spent the rest of Saturday thinking about all of the things she does for me and I’d have to start doing myself. I’d have to start adulting a little more and that's okay. I continued to think about it the rest of Saturday, during my Sunday workout and the rest of Sunday too. I started wondering how life would look like if she were just my roommate. I like her. She’s quirky, funny, and I’d miss her, but I’d be okay. I’ve already saved the amount needed for her last semester of classes and would not mind supporting her as she finishes. There is no resentment, expectation, just acceptance of the upcoming divorce. During this period, she’s going out of her way to maintain some semblance of normalcy, going out of her way to make small talk, saying good morning/night etc. She approached me Sunday afternoon to ask if I’d come to her when I get my answer. I said tomorrow after work (the plan was to contact a lawyer at work and get the laydown of what to expect in a divorce before giving her my decision). It’s really hot where we live. The AC kicks at 8PM, but it was still 77 degrees upstairs at 11PM (going to buy a new filter today, haven’t been owning my shit there). We were laying in bed, it was still too hot to sleep and I decided to just tell her then and there. The truth was that I already made my decision during my workout on Saturday morning. I gave it extra time in case there was something that I hadn’t considered. I resisted the urge to post here so I’d make the decision for me. I really analyzed my decision to make sure my motivations weren’t fucked. No big epiphany happened. This was just something I’m willing to nuke the marriage over. When I said I had made my decision, she sat up, put her hand in her face and said she thinks she knew what my decision was. I told her that I’d be talking to a lawyer tomorrow to find out what divorce entails. She went through the entire emotional spectrum, left the room a couple of times and came back. Some things that I remember being said: * *Saying that I misunderstood the ultimatum, but later came around to yeah, the options are divorce or she accepts me not being exclusive.* * ""*I don’t want a community dick, who would want that?!""* * ""*I’m not gonna be one of those women, I am not. I don’t want that life.""* * ""*I’m not going to be an Ophilia.""* * ""*Lovey \*whimper\*.... please.""* * ""*How about a compromise, I don’t sleep with other men and you don’t fucking sleep with other women!""* * ""*You want the same thing too! You said you’d divorce me if I cheat, but want to be able to fuck anyone you want.""* * ""*What will my mother think? I already know the first thing she will ask is “what did you do?” She will think it’s all my fault.""* * ""*I don’t want to be a divorcee!""* * ""*I still want this so bad.""* * ""*What you’re asking is hypocritical.""* * *""This is textbook narcissism.""* * *Goes back and forth between accepting it and backtracking a few times.* * *Pulls me into a huge and squeezes me like her life depends on it.* * *\[Me repeating a thing she said she said earlier “Remember what you told Ophilia the first time it happened? This is your out, take it\] ""Don’t say that!""* * ""*You said you want kids, do you really think any women will accept this deal from you? You may never have kids."" “If that's the price I have to pay for this choice, then so be it.”* * *Repeats a script that has to be genetic because I’ve heard it too many times for it to be accidental “I deserve to be loved the way I want to be loved. I’m worth it and deserving of love.” repeats it like she’s in a trance.* * ""*Maybe... no. No matter how I slice it, it comes back to that same question.""* * *""I consider myself a feminist and know that I should never plead with a man to love me the way I want to, but can you at least promise that you'll try?"" repeats that question a few times* I emphasized with her throughout all of this. She did nothing wrong per se, I just changed. It sucks, I wish she didn’t have to live through that, but this isn’t something I’m budging on. This ended at 1:57 AM (I looked at my watch) with her repeating the question “Could you think about it for another day and promise me that you’ll try?” I asked if you’ll let me go to sleep if I say say yes. She agrees, I agree and I fall asleep. This morning I wake up 0630 to get ready for work, she gets up as well and wants to make sure that I didn’t just say that last night to fall asleep and that I'd really think about it. “Promise me that you’ll try.” After hearing it the third time last, it occurred to me that she could be extending an olive branch. She wants to maintain plausible deniability so she can claim victim later when she finds out I’ve been unfaithful. It’s the only way that phrase makes sense for me when I try to imagine someone telling their spouse to “try to not cheat.” Am I wrong on this? Also, please point out anywhere in this exchange where I read the situation wrong.",,12,[deleted],2021-07-26 14:02:07 askMRP,orjdtt,Wife continues to complain about how little I’m home when we moved to our location due to the proximity to her worthless parents. Cut the drama and hire a realtor?,"Quick intro: 5’11” 180 325/400/400 (1RM bench/squad/dead) Making 175k/year in a larger city Wife making 50k (listed to show my wife is somewhat contributing) I’ve read the sidebar and books. I had an issue a couple of years ago and feel like RP significantly helped. Physically, I didn’t get lazy. But I may have lost my way with RP. I don’t know. I’m trying to figure that out. My issue right now is this. Wife and I used to live 3000 miles away from family. I got a great opportunity to live back in our home city (along with a 50k raise and a paid move) so it was a no browner. We bought at a terrible time. I work in the downtown area. Houses are almost unaffordable near there. My wife said she wanted to live closer to her parents, which is 60-75 mins from where I work. I asked her what justified me being in a car 2 1/2 hours per day? She said ease of day care with so much family near. I said well I lose 2 hours per day at home. 10 hours/week. Are you going to be making dinner, cutting the grass, doing the laundry, preparing breakfast, and doing baths? She said yes. I said that’s going to be a lot for you to take on. But, if you’re going to do all of that, this can work. I leave the house at 615a and get home at 715p. A year later, it’s not working. The kids are having shitty dinners, she complains she’s tired, and the kicker? “We’ll I’m the one home all day taking care of things.” She goes back to work (teacher) in a month, but that’s not going to make things better. I have STFU all five times she has made that comment in the last month. I’ve considered hiring a realtor without telling her and telling her on Saturday “hey babe, let’s drop the kids off at your parents since they are close. We are meeting the realtor at 10.” When she asks what I’m talking about, I say we’ll you’re obviously not happy with having to do everything around the house, so we will be making it easier and moving downtown. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks.",,10,justanoldfarmkid,2021-07-25 20:33:55 askMRP,orhtxx,How to maintain frame,"Hey everyone I’m reading about the redpill more and more and have been finding it very interesting. I want a piece of advice from a red pill perspective from the community. My new girl threw a big shit storm this morning. I had been told by her that she is having a bad week and needs to go out this weekend with me so she can get her mind off and have some fun. Come the weekend I invite her with me to a party at my friends house on Friday. The next day I was swamped with work and tired so when my friends called to go out (it was a last minute plan) and have fun, I told them I had to wake up early and I wouldn’t come out. Instead I just invited my girl over for a chill night to have some dinner and walk around. Next morning she woke up and saw everyone’s insta stories and threw a shit storm that I wanted to go and you lied to me that there was no plan, you are selfish, you don’t care about me etc. What would be the red pill perspective to maintain frame in this situation",,0,sheikh7777,2021-07-25 19:13:04 askMRP,opookc,While We Wait,"I'll try to keep this quick without engaging my entire life story. I am 36, ~200k salary, very fit and muscular (workout at leas 6x a week), and father of 2 little girls, own a 1.5m house. Lots of drama in the relationship. I am 6 years sober, but had a period where I was a complete piece of shit. Wife knows about me hooking up with escorts, strippers, etc. Also, I've probably failed every comfort test given for the past 10 years. There is a lot of resentment between us that we are working through. I am doing the work, which is hard as I am busy as fuck and figuring it all out is just hard in general Bottom line is I haven't had sex in about a year. Wife has made it pretty clear that it is going to be a while before we get there. She does not feel safe with me. Tenses up when I touch her etc. Thinks I am going to leave her for a young hot 20 year old (which could be true if this continues much longer). I don't want to bust up my family, but also am sick of masturbating. This is not sustainable. What advice do you other members have of how to deal your sexuality, libido, sexual needs, etc in the meantime, while you are doing the work and things have not improved yet? I am not getting any of this time back, and these are statistically my ""best"" years. Im debating getting a Bumble/Tinder and saying fuck it. But I do care about my partner and my family. Getting caught would devastate them. Does anyone set a timeline for things the change? Im worried I'll be writing this same post 5 years from now.",,20,schmidter7,2021-07-22 22:25:25 askMRP,opg8cp,Wife knows about dread,"At dread level 3. Wife discovered my sidebar material and did some light reading. Now she is aware of how I'm manipulating her feelz. It's still business as usual for me. I'm happy with the results and dont plan on changing things. Any pitfalls going forward I should watch for. I know it will be thrown in my face repeatedly and I'm unsure how my response should be. Right now I've just been going with ""it worked didn't it""",,14,CyclopsWarrior,2021-07-22 15:33:16 askMRP,ooo8bn,"Wife (37) can not orgasm, it's complicated - help!","A bit of painfully honest history for context: (Me 36, her 37) We've been married for almost 10 years, together for 16 years. For most of that time, I was a sad sack of shit. I was a total loser Nice Guy without the hint of a frame. A weak, wimpy, skinny fat turd who came after ten seconds into P in V. After our first year, I stopped having sexual interests in my wife. I don't know what it was exactly, maybe because I felt inadequate due to being such a quick shooter (NMMMG would probably agree). But I would rather play World Of Warcraft all day and night and jack off before coming to bed. This went on for years, well into our marriage. After our second daughter was born (2017), something changed within me. I started to grow up into an adult and slowly take back responsibility over my life. I also regained my libido, which has only ever grown over that time because I also started to work out again and feel great. Needless to say, my wife wasn't eager to jump on my dick and suck me dry at first, after I've been nothing more than a disappointing 3rd kid for the last couple of years. I walked right into the trap of pleading, arguing, manipulating and being an all-around needy, grumpy bitch. I could kick myself day and night for neglecting this beautiful women for all these years, this is all my fault. This went on until roughly a year ago, when I discovered the manosphere and this community. I've been doing the reads, lifting, rebuilding my frame bit by bit and gaming my wife. This turned things around and sex has at least become more regular. Despite two young kids, we manage to do it usually twice a week. It's not terribly enthusiastic sex, yet, but I'm working on it. Here's the issue I'm not sure how to handle: Getting my wife to be interested in me is hard enough, but there's more: She's never had an orgasm, ever. She never even tried properly, even before we met. She does not know how she works down there. This issue is not entirely uncommon, there are self-help books for women like her. I don't have to tell you that I couldn't give her an orgasm when we did have enthusiastic sex back in the early days (I couldn't and just didn't care), but nowadays I want her to enjoy our time as much as I do. I can easily last long enough and I know what works for her, so far so good. But for this to happen, she must first learn to understand her body and make the O's happen by herself. Only there is no interest, because she doesn't know what she's missing and I'm not yet the alpha chad she'd want to ride on every occasion and experiment with. And she doesn't want to receive oral, because she's a bit uncomfortable with her body (although she's perfectly fine in reality). I brought up this topic a few times a while ago, and gifted her a book about it, which she rarely glances into (again, no motivation). I'm starting to wonder whether or not I should even continue to try and help her. I know this is probably something I should just STFU about, but I don't see how it should ever improve if I don't push it, since she has no incentive due to not knowing that it's going to be worth it. It's really not great to have have your wife go ""Okay, it's enough now."" after banging her for just fifteen minutes, because there's nothing for her to work towards and she's getting bruised. It makes me feel like absolute worthless shit, as you can imagine. You can laugh at me now, as long as you offer some sort of advice with it. tl;dr: Wife has never orgasmed in her life and doesn't know how - should I try to help her despite her being dismissive?",,13,Stupid_Questions_Inc,2021-07-21 11:46:19 askMRP,oo33j9,I think I'm autistic with the basics,"Background : Not married but this sub helps a lot, more experienced people and knowledge of relationships here. I'm young. Early 20's. Read a lot, lift a lot (currently still skinny, working on it), working on my purpose. In the implementation of basic things I'm always autistic even after years of reading. LTR asks daily for more attention in days which I dont see her, always asks for more massages, more calls, ""more love"" . I'm busy, she doesn't get why I don't call her on breaks, so I just tease her, tell her she needs to be a good girl, or I just STFU. She insists for me to be serious and answer, and never feels satisfied with what I give her, is this a frame problem? In another example she can start a stupid argument like ""Why didn't you invite me to the event earlier?"", ""Why didn't you buy me flowers on women's day? "", ""Why you didn't take me anywhere this week?"" . I don't take this too seriously, I don't DEER, I laugh, I A&A, I STFU, but nothing works she keeps insisting on the 10th time that I answer seriously her questions. There is not a good answer, I just didn't want to go out with her this week / didn't think of getting her flowers / didn't think she deserve more of my attention but she doesn't understand it herself. Where do I get this wrong? I feel like women are never satisfied, always ask those shit test questions, always try to start some unnecessary drama and they take it so hard when I DARE and actually Exit like hang up the call, or they get mad when I don't take them seriously (""why you can't just answer my question? You're never serious""). I try to focus on what I want and not her feelings but I guess I'm trying to understand if there's a flaw in my frame or actions, it feels like they can never be satisfied and insist on killing good mood.",,3,sobrage,2021-07-20 14:27:05 askMRP,onhfkh,Sex and mind games. STFU or call her out?,"Hi, brothers. Now that we're talking about [calling your wife out](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/ompljf/new_here_oblivious_wife_is_inconsiderate_and/) or not, I am having a situation and would like to know what the best strategy to follow is (other than STFU, lift and read, which I swear I am doing). Just for the record, I am in my mid-40s, and I am healthy, and decently attractive. She's in her mid-30's. My wife suggests that there may be some action tonight. She may have been flirty during the day. Night comes. She's awake in bed, on her phone. I am also in bed. As soon as I start showing my interest in having sex, she immediately pulls back, gets super annoyed and starts nagging: ""Stop bothering me! I am busy! Don't uncover me! You're so needy!"". If I insist, she gets more and more defensive: ""Don't touch me!"", etc. This has been happening for years. What I do is: I go to sleep. There's nothing else I can do. She'll keep browsing her phone for hours, and the supposed planned sexy night never happens. So basically she changes me for her phone. I'm sick of it. I have learned from this forum that bad sex is worse than no sex, so I am willing to go to sleep because I know if she complied, it would not be enthusiastic sex. In any case, what's the recommended plan of action at that moment of the night? * Call her out, as in ""Hey, why do you do this to me? You seduce me and then nothing happens? Why do you think we got married but to have sex… to have kids? Etc. Etc."" I don't think this is a good idea, for the simple reason that bitching it is not attractive. Women talk, men do. Right? * Be more intense and touch her despite her saying no? I don't think this is a good idea at all. * Leave the room (as if I am butt-hurt)? * Masturbate to some porn in front of her? Just kidding, but sometimes I'd like to. * Sleep? Duh. What's the recommended plan of action the following day? * Call her out? As in ""Why do you keep doing this to me?"". Terrible, right? * Be less available? Go somewhere else? Disappear? * Ignore all and keep STFU, lift, reading? I am doing my work, reading, trying to STFU, and trying to be less of a clown (very, very hard). Specific question: NMMNG says that one should be open and honest, and express one's needs, including sex, instead of having covert contracts. Could someone please explain how calling her out is not being open and honest and is, in general, a bad idea? Or maybe it isn't? &#x200B; Thanks for your answers.",,30,[deleted],2021-07-19 16:23:15 askMRP,omh9tp,"Recently divorced, need advice.","It's been a while since I posted here. I know I can count on honesty from this sub and that's what I need. I need some motivation and assistance. TRP seems to have gone away from Reddit. I (38M) will have my divorce (13-year marriage) finalized in the next week and getting back into the dating market. I'm angry, sad, and really feel worthless. I have a bad case of Oneitis for my X even though I filed, but I am having a hard time getting out there. I have since gone back to the gym, started lifting again, and joined a Krav Maga gym local to me starting on Monday. They have some social events. I realized I don't have any style, so I want to find a personal stylist like Stitch Fix or something. I look in the mirror and looks-wise, it's awful. The haircut sucks, the clothing is shit and still skinny fat. I even joined Tinder and Bumble looking, but it's a shitshow. I think I am better off doing day approaches or meeting women in person. What I am asking for: 1. What books would you suggest reading to learn to game women? 2. Any suggestions for a clothing service that could help me develop my style?",,9,Annon-1,2021-07-18 01:48:53 askMRP,om3rzy,I lost my frame and keep saying sorry to forgive me.,"Week ago i went to my plate house to drink with her after sex we continue drinking again till i passed out, while I'm sleeping she opened my phone and chat my LTR of 1year ""*we should stop seeing each other this is not gonna work gonna miss you bye.*"" LTR replied: - ""*why you suddenly said that? i didn't do anything*"" - ""*but if you mean it then go i will not stop you i will not beg to stay with you if your just faking your love towards me bye enjoy your life.*"" She called after 20mins and my bitch plate answered it for 10secs don't know what she said. When i woke up saw the convo i want to slap my plate but i dress quickly and went to my LTR friends house(she sleepover there) She shout and disrespect me in front of her friend saying ""i don't need you"" ""who do think you are to play wth me"" ""you are asshole"" ""you are nothing"" bla bla and i told her calm down come to my car so we can talk and i keep apologizing to make her calm down but she wouldn't stop bad mouthing me which i know i deserved but we have rules we shouldn't disrespect each other in front of other people. one of her friends boyfriend is there as well and acting like a white knight he told me to leave, don't make a scene and he keep standing on my way. So when i tried to hug my LTR she slapped me and told me to leave and don't want to see my face anymore so i leave and before that i told her ""sorry to hurt you bye"" she just respond ""thanks to your sorry bye."" After that she blocked me to all social media, **is there anyway to sabotage this? Or i should just move on?.** my ego can't accept that she disrespect me like that and willing to lose me easily. Note: i stopped seeing my plate she keep saying sorry to me and she don't remember what she's doing cuz she's so drunk and got carried away when she saw the notification of my GF while I'm sleeping.",,5,7udgerKresnik,2021-07-17 12:59:49 askMRP,ol1mnl,Just some thoughts about the sidebar books,"Hello just dropping my opinion here and want to see if other members of mrp faced the same problem regarding rational male. I am not a native english speaker. No doubt it is a great book and basically red pill 101 for many, but Rollo seems like a desperate guy trying to appear intellectual and smart by using unnecessary complex sentence formation and uncommon words. The whole book could be written way simpler if he wished to. I had so much trouble grasping the concept of the book. I have finished NMMNG, WISNIFG, MMSLP and MAP. Fantastic books. I am trying to apply the concepts of the first two. MMSLP was an eye opener. So far my fav.",,15,alphacr7,2021-07-15 20:49:20 askMRP,od2z4l,Are you under 30,"If you are — I think you should be reading Jordan Peterson. The sidebar is as astounding and precise as it always was in its main material, NMMNG and WISNIFG. For me, as somebody who grew up on cultural relativism, ideologues and then graduating that yo-yo effect between the two into spirituality and cult like adherence to a pick up way of life, I failed to address a fundamental flaw in my mental frame. Chaos. My adherence — and attachment to it, runs so deep into the core shadowy texture of my deep psyche that, I imagine it has some roots with a mother complex. A need for chaos, or in a more relevant phrase, a need for the feminine represented as chaos in our minds. Reading Ayn Rand has been a fantastic help, but Jordan Peterson is addressing this chaos and “mother monogamy” as Glover briefly touches on in NMMNG. I think Glover touches on something extremely relevant to under 30s and requires a larger treatment. Reading on structure, order, certainty and truth has been frowned upon in our current culture. Trying to bypass that foundational way of society is building a garden over a minefield. Or in more a relevant phrase, masculinity over an anti-masculine culture. If you grew up on it, my sense is that it will be like pornography addiction. Much easier to break free from if you werent exposed to it during your adolescent years; as your brains are taking shape and are much more malleable. I’ve found that not only is this brainwashing deeper, it is also harder to break than other kinds of behaviours on the outer rims of the self. Because it isn’t a behaviour at all. It’s our understanding of reality and what’s acceptable, right or true. The very chaotic reality we fear and attempt to control because we have no truth. We have not been permitted to have it. We are only permitted an opinion, which is information in its chaotic form. So we succumb and attempt to control not by our direct ordering of it, but by striking a deal or covert contract. A deluded, desperate attempt to manipulate order into a reality where order is socially unacceptable. Yet, yearned for. Striking a deal allows us to avoid dealing with the fundamental axiomatic problem. The deep and original conflict between order in a society which has deemed it immoral. Of course, without using the word immoral to do so. Or in the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson, “society is in conspiracy against the manhood of each man”. I experienced this deep conflict manifest in my LTR, but it runs deeper into the soul of every man and is more timeless than I had realised.",,7,WeakDeludedDisciple,2021-07-03 17:57:10 askMRP,ocad2f,How has MRP affected your relationship with your parents?,"Towards the beginning, I had more respect for my father for putting up with my mom despite her now obvious problems. The more I learn and read, the less respect I have for a man that was repeatedly emasculated in front of his children by a fat leech. He doubled down by working harder. He would leave before we woke up and came home after dark, but it was never enough. Now I understand why it would never be enough. In the ten years that they have been split up (his choice) he has never said a bad thing about her, while she has trashed him nonstop. I have a difficult time conversing with him now, it's like we speak two different languages. It's like he has been burned but still doesn't know why. I know where I get it from. He has responded to boundaries being set much better than my mother has. I believe that a lot of my issues that lead me here started with her, but really it's both of them. He failed as a leader, but not as an example for me. I don't know how I can grow as a person without cutting my mother out of my life. I am okay with it, my fiance thinks that she should be in my son's life. Her opinion has been noted and defecated upon. The stay plan is the go plan can be applied in this situation, but I wonder if my frame was better that it would even be necessary. We do the same thing (ideally) with a plate who gets too big for her britches. It just feels wrong when it's your mom. Maybe that's why When I Say No, I Feel Guilty. Because that's what I was taught to feel. It also feels like I'm shifting the blame of my shitty behavior off of myself and chalking it up to ""muh upbringing"" any groups that talk about the childhood shit devolves into victim pukes and pity parties, they are a dead end for me. Do you blame your parents for being here? I don't, but I can see their influence.",,6,ABoxOfPain,2021-07-02 13:42:40 askMRP,o9elg7,I can never fully wrap my brain around why RP is so anti marriage and LTR,"*About me:* Been red pilled for almost two years, I lived almost half a year following it religiously and got super fit. Ultimately stopped because I no longer fear not being able to get a good girlfriend, I don't enjoy gaming many women, (I dislike most) and lastly- the lifestyle and mentality is down right depressing. If you read the side bar, you know what I am talking about. *I know most of the reasons- it's harder to do dread, marriage has low benefit for men, divorce rape...* *But to just sleep with girls, and be wanted- it's not fulfilling to me.* I want that ""special"" one I can do everything with, deeply connect with. I want to come home to an amazing wife and home cooked food. I know no woman is a unicorn, and I'm okay with that. Also, *you can eliminate a lot of the cons of marriage by laying clear expectations beforehand and having a prenup.* Not only does this protect you from divorce rape, but it holds her to high standards- unlike a lot of U.S. marriages where women pussy whip hubby and let themselves go. (I'm not advocating that young marriage or having kids is a good idea) I probably forgot a few things, but I think I spoke my mind. I'm posting this here instead of the regular Red Pill forum because I know you guys will have more insight, and not shit on me for having an unpopular opinion.",,6,Fr1end1yMushroom,2021-06-28 06:31:27 askMRP,o7t9wf,laundry and logic,"married, 36 years old, wife is 34, 2 kids. 190 lbs, 6 foot 3 inches tall BP 215 Back squat 225 OHP 140 Deadlift 275 (yeah stupid low but this one is lagging) Workout program: building the monolith, delt accessory, lat accessory, abs accessory, running 2-3x a week Reading : nmmng, mmslp, starting wisnifg (also watched rian's videos on each chapter of each of these books) &#x200B; I end up larping often so most of my focus has been and will continue to be stfu, reading, lifting. &#x200B; situation today came up that I would like you fella's pov on. &#x200B; I am on paternity leave with my daughter and my wife works from home. This am my wife asks that I put away the laundry that the cleaners folded and suggested that I bring the infant into our other kids room to keep them occupied. I planned on putting these things away anyhow so I went ahead and did it as it seemed reasonable. After I put these away I strapped the kiddo to me and went outside to water the plants (we planted some shrubs that need a lot of water the first year AND it hotter shit here) Wife stomps out while I am watering to tell me I put the clothing away wrong. W: you need to re-do all of the clothing you put away, as you know we need to put them away vertically rather than on top of each other so they are easier to get out. you need to stop two stepping everything M: irritated at the interruption, that she came all the way out to tell me this - gotcha W: you need to stop two stepping everything M: I didnt two step anything, I put the clothing in the draws in the way that made sense to me W: you just two step everything. She stomps off and I continue watering the plants Later she works out in our home gym, I gearing the room next to it to be painted. She comes out and is significantly less angry and has clearly been thinking of what to say next W: when you dont put things away the right way it disrespects the work I put into organizing our house M: k W: when clothing is put away ontop of each other they just get rifled though and it gets really messy M: yeah I get that it isnt my intention disrespect you and I can understand you feeling disrespected. The cleaners fold the clothing in a manner that does not make sense for the vertical storage and I am not going to unfold and re-fold it all. W: well you should give the cleaners examples of how it needs to be folded so it cane M: yeah I can do that next time ( I do this with towels) &#x200B; I did not re-do all of the clothing, I did shift the clothing where it made sense to do so andI did not update her on it. &#x200B; Through all of this my main thing is when she came out of the gym with the statement when you do/dont do X it makes me feel disrespected... I just didnt have a response. I may have just folded because of that, largely because I see the logic... vertical does actually work better (the cost benefit just doesn't always make sense) I did however call out things are not in a position to do it the way we used to (sure feels like deering though). While I didnt apologize, which is good because I am not sorry, I also didnt call out that stomping out to call out I do everything wrong is silly and she is being silly to do so. &#x200B; in any case could some internet strangers to reel me in- A. am I still fucking larping? B. Did I just bend over with out realizing it? &#x200B; I get I got a long long way to go and I am still going.",,11,[deleted],2021-06-25 18:15:41 askMRP,o69bzq,Wife is starting to push back,"Hi guys, fresh meat I suppose. I have been a lurker for a while, reading a lot and half-assing stuff. Lifelong beta, semi dead beadroom for years. Been lifting and trying to apply some MRP basics for about six months. Wife is finally starting to respond in some way (I guess ""push back"" is the right word), which is when I realised I probably need to start OYS to get through this. But let's do the victim puke first... Age 39, 186cm, 81kg, 17%BF SL5x5 Bench 72.5kg, Deadlift 122.5kg Squat 80kg, Press 45kg, Row 65kg Read most of the sidebar. I know stuff in theory but out there in the real world, I always stumble. Need practice. &#x200B; Wifey is starting to get testy, which I hope is a good sign. I had the first big shit test in a while recently. She got pissy over me not wanting to sacrifice an hour of my schedule to drive her to an appointment. Just wouldn't let it go, threatened divorce and the whole package. In front of the kids of course. I mostly STFU, fogged and told her multiple times ""I'm not discussing this, you just want to fight"". She wouldn't talk to me afterwards but made sure I noticed her shaving her legs that evening. An obvious ""I'm doing this thing that you like, but I'm not doing it for you. Jealous?"" She was still pissy the day after but I'm staying calm, playing with the kids and generally having a good time. This was probably the first time ever I'm feeling some kind of OI. I'm thinking if she divorces me over this, she's a psycho and it's her loss. &#x200B; Couple of days later I initiated sex for what feels like the tenth day in a row. She refused as usual and when I turned around to leave I got a shitstorm of ""it's always sex or leave, why cant we just do stuff together?"" I wanted so badly to tell her that I don't want to hang out with a wife that won't fuck me for ten days, and that, besides, you are the one passively sitting in front of the TV all of the time so it' s not like you are trying either. But I managed to avoid engaging, did some autistic but decent fogging and ended it with ""you just want to fight right now, I'm out"". I prepared to go out for a walk when she threw off her clothes and ordered me to come back and fuck her. She tried to spin it into that I was a butthurt bitch that didn't function properly unless she spread her legs once in a while. Sure, she's probably half right. But the other half of it must have been frustration over her feeling her control slipping. I have been way more of a butthurt bitch than this plenty of times in the past and never got a response like this. She was absolutely the one who was off balance. Anyway, I didn't want to fuck her under those circumstances but after a while of her refusing to let go of my dick I just got in there to get it over with. Turned out kinda hot. She tried to be apathetic and mad but soon she began to moan and then I made her cum (or she faked it, but why fake an orgasm when you are trying to demonstrate how angry and not into it you are?). She has barely talked to me since so not sure what to make of it. In the end I got my dick wet and if she wants to be a bitch about it well that should be her own problem. &#x200B; The question is how much of this is part of dread (level 4? Or 1?) and how much is that I just got a pity fuck from a wife frustrated over her bitch husband. I feel I didn't show much butthurt, I just went for sex a bunch of days in a row and went ""Ok, I'm going out. Love you"" when I got shot down. I have certainly been way more of a bitch in the past without this kind of reaction. Laying down beside her to cuddle and watch Grey's anatomy after a sexual denial must surely be the worst alternative. That used to be my go-to response but no more. &#x200B; I guess all this thinking at least proves I'm not in my own frame yet.",,18,TicTac-Throw,2021-06-23 09:25:29 askMRP,o5320v,Wife gets disrespectful when she doesn't get what she wants.,"30yo 270/6’2""/body fat 25%/Bench 250/Squat350/DL315 To give some back story, we met when I was 19 and it was just supposed to be a hookup. She was 34 and the age difference was kinky. We really had a crazy connection; and it was honestly the happiest few years of my life I couldn't get enough of her. Sex 3-5 times a day. Sometimes for hours at a time. We got married a few years later and it seems that's when things took a turn. We never had stress to contend with in the early years so I never saw the side of her that comes out when she's unhappy with somebody. The first pregnancy was really rough, she became nasty and verbally abusive towards me. I went into a pretty deep depression and withdrew from her, which resulted in more excessive verbal abuse and then explosive anger on my part. Our relationship became really toxic. I felt really alone and posted some ads on craigslist for hookups and exchanged some emails with women. I know that I didn't really have it in me to fuck anybody it just felt good to have the attention and interest from a woman again. She found out and has never really forgiven me for it. Fast forward to now we have two kids, I work two jobs and we barely make ends meet. She hasn't worked since the first baby but will re-enter the work force soon, she is about to finish a university program which I've supported her through financially and watching the kids solo whenever I'm not working. We've done a lot of counseling and for the most part really improved our communication. The recurring theme here is sometimes I feel seriously disrespected by her... And what's worse it feels like she hates me. It makes me so furious and hurt I don't know what to do with myself. In the past I would bottle it up until it eventually erupted into some kind of act of anger, breaking something or screaming at her, which she'd hold over me just like the craigslist adds and emails from years ago. I've never hit her but god knows I've wanted to in those moments. Last year I moved out for a few months at her behest because our fights were affecting the kids, she said. I moved back in 6 months ago. We've been making progress and slowly things are getting better and more regularly positive. A few days ago in the morning she takes up an issue with me and I don't really agree with her on it. This is where we have a problem, when she wants something and it isn't going her way, she gets increasingly charged. This conversation culminated in her saying I was ""a fucking embarrassment"" and leaving the house. It wasn't just the words it was the way she said, full of vitriol and hatred. I've just totally pushed her away after this. I won't talk to her beyond the basic arrangement for logistics. She's hurt and wants to reconnect but I feel like I can't be vulnerable to her. I feel like I've sacrificed the prime of my life for her, and get no thanks. Now I'm left holding the bag to support her and the kids without much prospects for myself. I can do the math and life would be pretty tough if we got divorced but I can make it work. What really kills me is the kids growing up in the environment of separate homes and money being tight. I feel like it's going to impact their opportunities. I don't need much from my wife, just respect and affection and a willingness to work together. I'm just not getting it from her. I've been through so much I'm really at a breaking point in terms of being able to put up with it. I'm sure she'd say the same thing. I always feel like there's a light at the end of the tunnel though, like things are getting better and I just need to hang in there. But we never seem to emerge. I'm terrified another decade goes by and it's like this and I find myself miserable and even more stuck. Do I give her another chance and let my guard down, try to reconnect and move forward?",,19,2009p71,2021-06-21 19:18:17 askMRP,o435jy,Messed up big time,"Looking for some input. Been together with girlfriend for 7 months, we moved in together 2 months ago because and the sex frequency gone downhill and I've gotten insecure about it Fast forward til Friday we were at a party and I got too drunk and basically the anger and resentment because of my needs were not met boiled on the surface and I lost my temper and told her to **** off forever. She left. Now she said she doesnt trust me and doesnt want to be in such ltr where I disrespect her and needs to take a break, but we live together. She still is very caring and wants to be there for me. I asked her yesterday that is it over and she said that i havent dumped you and if you adress your insecurities and man up then we can talk about our future again. She still wants to hang out with me and share good time, but she said she doesnt trust me and is scared of my temper. And can i manage with no intimacy from her side. I am pretty clueless here what to do. I am not interested in friendship and such. I do understand that here interest went downhill, but she said she still has feelings and wants to see if i own my shit and take responsibility. I am going to the gym from today and will.buy no more.mr nice guy audiobook. How should I act in this situation in terms of living together and she wanting to spend time but not intimately til i get my shit together?",,6,Shredderick420,2021-06-20 10:56:19 askMRP,o3acbv,How do you guys deal with recurring problems and frustration?,"I think every marriage/LTR had those. Either she don't like how much time you give her, how much you compliment, the way your sister treats her or whatever. At some point after the same thing was brought up by her the 20'th time the frustration is built so much that every little thing feels for her like it already happened 1000 times and it creates drama. Now I know not to give drama any room, but I wonder how do you guys deal with the frustration that comes from recurring problems like this. She no longer thinks how to fix this or believes it will change and the reactions become disproportionate.",,12,sobrage,2021-06-19 07:06:44 askMRP,o2tb1c,Plate brings up the topics of expensive gifts,"consider you are married but spinning plates. one plate brings up a topic as follows ""My friend (plates friend) once had a relationship with a married man. After some years they broke up the relationship. Then my friend sold all the stuff that was given to her by the man and she could make around 300K USD to 400K USD. Isn't it cool ?"" For which I replied ""The most I can get you is a coffee in Starbucks"" For which she replied ""ha ha ha ha ha"" I think I should soft next this plate. As this is a red flag. &#x200B; What do you think ? about the situation and the reply I gave her. Is it normal to buy expensive gifts to a plate ?",,0,iwiml,2021-06-18 16:26:38 askMRP,o21m9i,Wife wants divorce because of sex life but i don't want to not see my kids everyday,"I lurk on my other main account but created this because i felt i needed to post. My wife (38) has been threatening to leave for years. When have two kids 7 and 12 yo boys. She makes more than double what I make (140-150k to my 65k though I have great benefits and a pension) so is absolutely fine on her own. She also owns a rental property that she asked me to run a while ago and I haven't. It's had vacant units for years because I just blew it off because we are fine financially. She works full time and picks up a few extra shifts for extra money as well She bitches constantly. Mainly because she wants sex a lot more than I do. She wants sex constantly. She says ""5-9 times a week"" is her ideal. I'd prefer weekly or i don't know, injst hate having a ""quota"" to fill I had my T checked and it was normal a few years ago. Lifted a lot for a while but didn't affect it. I agree it's not ideal (monthly and sometimes longer) but i find her nagging about it a turn off. I told her this but after a few days of no sex she gets bitchy and starts making comments OR when I don't initiate and just fall asleep she'll cry about how i don't find her attractive and how she needs sex to connect. She also bitches about the fact that ai never plan things (vacations, stuff to do) and when I do it's usually a flop, i wait too long to make a reservation and the good places are.booked.or.take her to what she calls a ""dive bar"" for date night. She complains i don't show i value her or want to impress her and frankly i feel she should be happy i plan anything at all if we are spending time together. I'm not creative and don't think about it and she's better at planning. She researches everything so it's ""perfect"" whether it's gifts for people, trips, vacations. She's had depression on and off but pretty much is bad now. She complains that our likes aren't compatible, she wants to go ""out and do things"" kayak, rollerblade, rock climb, it always has to be a thing to do. She's spontaneous and i am not. I prefer boardgames (which she hates, well at.least she says she hates with me because i get too into the rules or frustrated if she seems bored), watching shows together and playing videogames together. She has learned and enjoyed played overwatch with me and also i got her into UFC when she thought it was stupid before. I know i sound like a lazy fuck but i just am a homebody type. She is post wall but has always had beta orbiters that to her credit she blocks/unfriends, she has a very funny personality and is quick witted which is what attracted to me to her in the first place (and her huge tits) Bottom.line is she wants to divorce. She says we will.split the kids 50/50. Sell the house/rental property split the money and just move on. I hate the idea of not seeing my kids every day. And it really.bothers me that she is going to destroy.our family over sex. So what can I do? Do i have to become someone else just to appease her? Is there a way to make her happy without imploding my own identity? She's a miserable person to be around. Well.for.me anyways she's great with the kids still (silly, fun saves all attitude for me). TLDR Bitchy wife wants to leave because I don't fuck her enough but i don't want to not see my kids everyday",,8,throwaway_jaj,2021-06-17 16:42:37 askMRP,nzx0m7,How do I get a life out of the house without my wife resenting me for it?,"TL;DR: SAHM/homeschooling wife spends all day with kids, has started giving me shit for leaving her with the kids ""on short notice"" if I want to do something in the evenings. I spent most of the past year and a half holed up in the house with my family (wife and 3 kids between ages 5-9) and though pandemic was a partial excuse, in many ways it was just a continuation of many prior years spent mostly at home and without many outside interests. I realized I had become completely uninteresting. I brought nothing to dinner-table conversation other than whatever happened during the day while I was working from home (not much). So earlier this Spring I resolved to make some changes once things started opening back up. The biggest move so far has been joining a weekly golf league. I now have a locked-in reason to get out for a few hours every Sunday afternoon. I ran it past my wife to check if she'd be OK handling the kids for a few hours every week and she encouraged me to join. It's been great for me to pick up a new hobby and friend group for a minimal time commitment. Really happy with how it has worked out so far. But last week and this week things have gone south after a few spur-of-the-moment opportunities for me to get out with friends. One of my best friends was in town last week visiting family, and he invited me to meet up at a baseball game on Thursday, the last night he was here (I hadn't seen him yet during this visit). It was last minute, around 7pm at night, and we had already eaten our family dinner and were about a half hour away from starting bedtime routine for the kids. I texted him back that I'd be there, then went to tell my wife that I was going to meet up with my friend and asked if she was OK handling bedtime herself. She said fine, but I could tell it soured her mood and she seemed pissed at me most of the weekend. In a similar vein, today I told her that I was making plans with my dad to take him to a game some night this week. I immediately saw a negative reaction on her face, and she started talking about how I ""spring this"" on her and some combination of feeling like I get to go out and do whatever I want while she's stuck at home in the kids, and feeling like when the tables are turned I am reluctant to handle things at home when she is out. I'm trying to approach this from my own frame and I am not sure what more I can be doing here. In both situations I felt like I gave as much ""advance notice"" as I could.. it feels more like she is expecting me to ask permission to go out on my own. Her pre-pandemic activities haven't started back up yet, and maybe once she has her own chances to get out on nights by herself without the kids, I won't get as much grief. I get her perspective that she spends all day with the kids for school, and then has to get them dinner and handle bedtime after that.. but that's kind of how our life is set up and won't be changing anytime soon. We haven't gone on a date, or had any time as a couple away from the kids, since pre-pandemic, which is also probably amplifying whatever she is feeling about me getting a ""night off"" without her. This is all a long way of saying.. I still have a lot of sidebar reading to do, but it seems apparent to me that a big part of being attractive, especially for someone working from home, is finding ways to get out and be an individual and pursue my own interests so that I have something new to bring back to the relationship. I still have a long way to go on that front; telling her what I shot on the front 9 doesn't count for much. How do I establish a life out of the house without feeling like I need my wife's permission?",,18,Cartographer419,2021-06-14 21:05:30 askMRP,ny7dnv,Initiate or not initiate. Can't get my head around it.,"I'm posting here while I have a little hurdle that's slowing down and interferes with my progress. Came here because of a dead bedroom and resentful wife. Been here, lurking half-hearted for about a year and a serious progress took start about half a year ago. Took care about my severe weaknesses right away. Stopped whining about things and stopped being passive aggressive. Stopped obvious covert contracts like doing more chores with the expectations of getting laid. Learned to STFU and later on fogging, AA and AM as response to shittests. This has been really successful to the point that shittests are very rare nowadays. I am in a total different physique than one year ago and I have myself as a mental point of origin. I stopped falling for manipulation in both my career and social life. The thing that has not been effected is my dead bedroom. In fact I think my wife has started to enjoy shooting my initiations down. I can't fully get outcome independent around this. I tend to calibrate my evenings around sex, as I know I absolutely not should. But I can't do equation work on myself and still initiate often. When I get denied I have no problem to go do something else, but if I hadn't initiated I could do that earlier. I think it would be much easier to stop initiating for a while and focus entirely on myself. Maybe for a month or two. Would that be a really dumb thing to do? I mean, I would continue the kino as before and I would definitely don't deny her sex if she comes to me.",,13,beardedbaboon,2021-06-12 14:00:06 askMRP,nxk5x2,Would Like Some Feedback,"Throwaway because wife and I frequent the same reddit forums. Me: Age 49, 6'2, 210lbs, runner, lift weights 3x a week, run 5+ miles 2 to 3 days a week. Her: 49, professional, highly stressed at work, premenopausal, good shape, takes care of herself, married six years. I'm new to MRP, read NMMNG a year ago and did the exercises over the last year. Got a lot from that book and a number of people have commented on my assertiveness at work over the last year. I Just finished reading Athol Kay's MMSLP. Wife has commented on my improved fitness and she has told me she has seen women ""admiring me."" I meet my guy friends once a week for a beer, wife has asked if women come to those hangouts. I say all this because I'm sensing some dread. At the same time she trusts me fully so I don't sense her dread increasing much. I'd like feedback on how I handled the following on our anniversary: We went to dinner for our anniversary the other night. Got her a nice gift which highly outspent her gift to me, she was embarrassed by her gift to me, I played it like I didn't care because I really didn't care about how much she spent on me or that her gift was kind of lame. We have a nice meal, great conversation, really good bottle of wine. We catch an uber home and head to the bedroom. She goes into the bathroom for a little while and I think she is changing into something sexy and I go ahead and change into some my nice boxers that she likes me to wear for special occasions when we have sex. While she is in the bathroom she comments to me that it's two hours past our usual bed time and I knew right then she was setting me up for some sort of quickie sex because she is going to claim she is tired. She comes out of the bathroom and she is wearing her typical everyday pajamas and she turns out the light before she can see that I am wearing the sexy boxers. She gets into bed and gives a big yawn and I asked her if she wanted to make love. She answered with ""We can if you want to."" I thought to myself that given the way she was behaving that this was going to be boring pump and dumb starfish sex, so I told her to never mind. She then said, ""It's just late and I'm really tired and we have work tomorrow, but we can make love if you want to."" I calmly said to her, ""I see how it is, I can see that you really don't want to."" and I stood up out of bed, turned on the light so I could see, took off the sexy boxers and put on my more comfortable shorts I like to sleep in. It was then she realized that I put the sexy boxers on for her and she said again, ""We can have sex if you want to."" I looked at her and said, ""I'm not interested in having sex when you have made it plenty clear that it is going to be a chore for you, let's just go to sleep so we both feel good at work tomorrow."" She started saying sorry a bunch of times, told me again we can do it, started kissing on my neck, but I just calmly said, ""It's ok, I'm going to sleep now, goodnight,"" and that is what I did. A super calm exchange, very chill, no hint of anger or disappointment came from me. I slept pretty well too. The next morning she was up before me to go to work, she apologized again and I told her that it's not her job to meet my needs when she doesn't want to. She looked at me kind of stunned and a little hurt. I didn't say any more, had my coffee, wished her a good day, and went on my run. It's been about five days since that happened and she's been kissing on me more and I can tell that if I wanted to fuck her I could, but I haven't. I'm meeting my guy friends today after work and I wanted some askMRP input because they are not on the same self improvement journey that I am working on. How did I do, and any thoughts on next steps? **0 CommentsShareEdit PostSave**",,9,danielthrowaway47,2021-06-11 16:33:31 askMRP,nv1a74,Stuck between two shit tests," Me: 37 yo, 176cm, 75 kg, 18% BF, wife: SAHM 32, together 7 years, married 5 of them, 2 kids (G 4.5 yo, B1.5 yo) Reads : NMMNG (x2), MMSLP, WISNIFG, Book of Pook, currently reading The Rational Male Stats : (SL 5x5) Squat 35 kg, BP 30 kg, Rowing 40 kg, SP 30 kg, DL 45kg I’ve been trying to own my shit for the last two months, I’ve made good progress on the wife front, but now I’m facing a tough problem. Sorry for the victim puke that follows. My elder sister has asked me to be godfather to one of her daughters. Problem is, my relationship with my sisters (I have 3 of them) is conflictual at best, and my wife’s angry at my whole family (parents, sisters, brother in laws). A bit of history here : ever since my engagement 5 years ago, my family has been wary of my wife, to the point where my elder sister did not want to come to our wedding, and shit got so bad that we canceled it, and I cut all ties with my direct family. After our daughter was born we decided that for the children’s sake we had to reconnect with them, so that she could have cousins and grand-parents to connect with. 18 month after the birth of our first kid, we got married, and only the direct family attended the wedding. My elder sister has always been craving for my parents’s attention and knows how to play her cards, so she made sure that her children would get more from my parents than any of her nephews. This pisses me off, and my wife as well. As an example my parents have been travelling near both our places, but have only seen my kids twice over the last month, whereas I know for a fact that they see my nephews multiple times per week. So, jealousy and anger on our front. When she learned my sister asked me to be godfather, I immediately got shit tested by my wife. Basically, I’m facing two shit tests : • My wife, who’s pissed at me because I told her I would take the offer, and is angry at how I’m not lashing at my family • My sister, who’s manipulating me to get what she wants, but is not motivated by any kind of affection. If I agree to being godfather, I hold frame to my wife, and assert myself towards her. But in this case, I’m facing years of complaining on how I did not support her against my family, and I let my sister and parents walk all over me. If I disagree, I hold frame to my sister, but I don’t in front of my wife. The only way I get her respect in this case is if I go full on clashing everyone, which I’m afraid to do. Where do I stand from my own mental point of origin ? I like the attention of asking me to be godfather, so my ego is flattered. I think I would be a good one, and I’m tempted. On the other hand I am still pissed at my family’s behaviour, except I’d prefer not to make this about them. This is my situation, not sure how to handle this. Some voice in my head tells me that I should listen to my FO and do the thing I’m afraid of. I don’t want my life to be dictated by my fear.",,5,ImPissedOffALot,2021-06-08 10:50:53 askMRP,npfc9h,It is pretty much always wrong to reveal depression or sad thoughts to your wife?,"I know the conventional knowledge is generally no, but is that all there is to it? If you are building your life with someone shouldn't you be able to reveal to them when you have doubts, sadness etc about what is happening in life? I've be going through some really rough shit with some deaths and falling outs with family and its getting to me, and when I told my wife about some of the depression I was feeling it turned into a small pile-on of other failings she see in me. Needless to say, put me in a worse mood but made me reflect whether you EVER talk about deep emotional shit with your woman.",,48,EX-FFguy,2021-05-31 22:41:03 askMRP,np7fps,What is the correct way of dealing with wife/ltr thinking of other men?,"When your wife or LTR has some sexual tension with another guy, maybe from work or something like this, and she understands this is not appropriate and she respects you but has a fantasy for him, and even tells you about it. What is the correct way to handle this? We're all human, after years together with the same partner it makes sense but then how do you deal with her saying or feeling stuff like this? edit: what is up with all the spam? I think this is a legit question, I didn't find an answer in reading material so I ask here for some opinions.",,17,sobrage,2021-05-31 16:32:48 askMRP,np9dmu,Ex is slut shaming new girl,"Asking for advice. Background: My ex and I broke things off about 10 months ago. We have a kid together, she ended things, I tried to get her back, didn't work, got angry, got over it. End of story. Recently, I attended a wedding as a +1 with a girl I'm hanging out with. (We have never had any exclusivity discussions, nobody has dropped any ILY's, etc. etc. I enjoy hanging around her and she has a lot of positives, but I'm in no rush and patiently seeing where things go.) Word gets back to my ex, she starts to say she's happy for me, but then slut shames this girl to no end. Suggesting many mutual friends we have banged her etc etc. I'll state the following: 1. My ex by no way wants to get back with me, but it doesn't mean she's above fucking with me. 2. I know not to react or show any emotion when she says this. IDGAF is the only way to play it. 3. I only met this new girl a few months ago, so what she did before I ever knew her makes no difference to me. (side note: I banged one of her best friends years ago and I'm not sure if she knows, never been discussed) Nor have I ever really been one to care how many previous partners one has had before me. 4. I'm also aware everything my ex is saying could be 100% crap and just said to get a rise out of me. So my question is, is there any scenario in which I should question the new girl about this? Some of the names are people I would interact with. My thoughts are: 1. it doesn't matter what she did before me. 2. its entirely possible it isn't true. 3. if it is true and confronted, she's likely to lie and tell me what she thinks I want to hear. 4. I'll come off as an insecure jealous bitch if I bring it up.",,0,MPRtA1,2021-05-31 18:01:40 askMRP,ndijbg,Accidentally Tripping on the Nuke: Next Steps?,"31y, height: 186cm 83.1kg 15% bf, wife 28 married 2 years, together 7 years. 0 kids. Back Squat: 95kg (3x5), Deadlift: 110kg (3x5), Bench Press: 62.5kg (3x5), Overhead Press: 50kg (5x3) Last OYS: [https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/n9s7vu/own\_your\_shit\_weekly\_may\_11\_2021/gxs0voc/](https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/n9s7vu/own_your_shit_weekly_may_11_2021/gxs0voc/) On Saturday my wife went out with her friends. I decided to take this opportunity to test out my ability to day game and I went out, intending to clear away all evidence by the time she got back. I fucked up and missed 1 piece of evidence that I didn’t have an alibi for which was why I would need to wear eye contacts (hadn’t for months/years). I had also lied, saying I didn’t go out thinking that she was wondering why I had just recently showered. This evidence was discovered and in the moment, having been caught in a lie, I came out with the reason, as we had met 7 years ago from day game. It was in a way, a weak version of “sorry not sorry/sorry I was caught” and a bit of “what did you expect would happen?” It was weak in the sense that I was rationalising why I was doing that, but wasn’t apologetic in my attitude. She asked me if I wanted to get divorced (no), and I asked her what she wanted to do. In her anger, she called her mum and declared that she was getting a divorce and gave me the phone to explain the situation to her mum. I was a lot calmer about the situation than I thought could ever be. Although I’m supposed to be prepared to nuke my family, I wasn’t really sure I was yet. Over the phone with her mum, as she begged me to explain what was going on and to stay, I decided to say the things that I thought would be kinder (instead of giving hope), and say that I no longer loved my wife and that I had been the one always pushing and accepting divorce as an option. After that, my wife retreated to the other room to talk to her mum. It was a weird feeling at this stage for me as I wasn’t panicked, and a sense of sad relief(?, I’m not even sure what the feeling was) fell over me. This was one concept of MRP I had been struggling with. I was working on the MRP improvement program, save the man, and seeing good results in my marriage. The last few months have been the best thus far. Far from where I wanted it to be, but on the right track. I couldn’t get complacent so was pushing myself in trying to get an abundance mentally by going out to game. I didn’t intend to get caught. As the stay plan is the go plan, it was a benefit for me, to stay in with a sparring partner. I’ve been going at this for a long time, fucking around, spinning my wheels but eventually progressing. But the outcome may have always been the same that even if I achieved the end games of MRP, for me that might have been divorce. What I struggled with was how long to stay on the improvement program. It may have been years until I reached the point when I finally realised what I want. At that point, I would have further stole the best years of my wife’s youth. If I am not all in for staying, wouldn’t it be better to cut her loose earlier and continued to work on RP concepts alone? Give her the chance to find someone and have a “normal” BP life? Thoughts like that had previously swirled around in my head but I decided to be selfish and use the marriage/sparring partner to my benefit. Maybe after all, I would have saved the marriage along with the man. That was the justification I was giving myself. I think I had an OYS where I thought the “honourable” or “noble” thing to do would have been to just nuke it earlier. A few hours later my wife had calmed down and re-approached me to understand how we came to this as she thought we were getting a lot better. We had been improving and this completely blind sided her. It was a difficult concept to explain that it was for the same exact reason, that we were continuing to improve, that I also had to push myself to game other women. Catch and release isn’t really a believable idea and it just seems like the intent to cheat. On that, I didn’t back down and confirmed that yes, eventually that sort of behaviour may have lead me to deciding to cheat on her. We went through a number of other topics about our relationship. I understood what she was looking for in this discussion. We’ve had similar fights in the past where divorce was on the table. Each time previously, I had relented and effectively accepted staying in the relationship for longer, since as above it was still a benefit to me. I would also end up negotiating some changes in the relationship (mostly ineffective). She was looking for the same out, that we could continue and work on the marriage. I told her that the person I have become is completely different to the person she had married. The person she had married had did so to fill the hole in his heart, and with the covert contract to have the sex return to the relationship. I was someone completely different now, and even if we were to stay in the marriage, it could be that 10 years from now, I would still conclude that divorce was the best option for me. So I held my ground and although my wife had initiated the idea of divorce this time, I was going to follow through with it. There is still definitely some justifications to myself that going forward with this will be the best for her. I know it will eventually be the best for me. We spoke a bit further on some logistics. Right now I do hold the cards in the sense that she’s dependent on my visa to stay in the UK, her permanent residence to my home country is contingent on our marriage, and we have a house together under my name solely. Each of her requests are tenable to me and she wasn’t overly demanding even when she was angry so I’m agreeing to the terms. I could fuck her over, as she has put a lot of money directly under my control but I intend to return all of it. I won’t leave myself vulnerable though and will keep the funds until the time we can make a clean break, as on paper we’ll need to stay married for the visas. Since there's no children in the picture, and she's already good to split 50/50, I'm looking to divorce via agreement/mediation. Despite our issues, my wife is a good girl, which has made this hard for me. It is entirely my fault, ignoring this incident, that we reached this point. I was always too weak to play the bad guy and would make justifications instead that this outcome is best for her sake. But she always see through that bullshit anyway. I’m making the selfish decision to divorce for my sake. Over in the UK, I’m almost her entire support network so I still feel some responsibility to help her out. I will be wary of setting myself on fire for too long, and push along our separation. The feelings are still raw at this point as it was only last night. Probably it’s just my own hamstering, or a feint hope that this can all be reversed and I will get what I want as she throws herself at me to give me anything I want in order to stay. The “stay” married version of MRP end game for me probably would have been one sided open marriage (officially or unofficially). But it would have taken me years of frame building to get to that point. And even if I got to that point with frame, maybe she wouldn’t have accepted it and left. If it is put on the table now, would it be fair for me to accept it? So my questions for MRP are, what should I expect over the coming days and weeks as we work through our separation? Now that I’m in this position, what blind spots am I missing in which I could still get fucked over? To a lesser point, was it really okay for me to keep staying in the marriage even if I wasn’t all in? I’m focusing on the short term for now, as even still I have feelings of doubt and wonder of what I am doing. But I intend to stay the course and follow through on the divorce.",,16,TheActionNerd,2021-05-16 06:52:46 askMRP,n9ql71,Overheard my fiancé talking to her sister about our relationship; were LTR & engaged.,"Gentleman… I’m in a bit of a bind and I could use some guidance in the current situation I’m facing. For me, I (age 28 - height: 5’10 - weight: between 180-185~lbs, between 13-14% bf - 3 plate DL, 4 plate squat, 3 plate bench, 2 plate landmine, 2 plate row) have been with my LTR for 3.5 years (26, 5’5, 105lbs) and recently became engaged back in October. I have been reading TRP/MRP material for a handful of years now, prior to my current situation. I have read most of the books on the sidebar. Earlier last week, my LTR/fiancé was having a video call with her sister who lives across the country (we live on the west coast - Canada). This is nothing new as, since last year, both of us have been working from home and my girl does a lot of video calls for work, with family, and with friends. However, the other night I overheard her conversation with her sister that involved my fiancé not having the confidence in going through with getting married to me. She mentioned to her sister that she had some doubts about getting married and shared some pessimistic views upon marriage. Needless to say, this was a bit of a surprise to hear. I didn’t overhear the entire conversation, but I heard enough to understand that my fiancé doesn’t seem to be fully on board with getting married. We don’t have a set date for the wedding, but we were planning dates for Spring of 2022 the last couple of months back. This has put a bit of a wet blanket on my situation as I’m not sure how I’m supposed to proceed forward. I’m guessing that this is all my fault? I accept that. I’m not really sure what to do from here other than keep focusing on myself. Suggestions, please? Thank you, gentleman…",,8,Hyyveeee,2021-05-11 06:30:32 askMRP,n4um8d,"She doesn't matter and stop looking at her phone, right?","I remember hearing on the livestream that u/hornsofapathy and u/weakandsensitive want to see people post a pic of their bitch tits when they post on askmrp. [Here’s mine](https://imgur.com/) from \~1 year ago. Also, for u/weakandsensitive, u/PutABabyInThat and all you other [gordian knot cutters](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gordian_Knot) the simple answer that I think I really need is: **She doesn’t matter and stop looking at her phone.** Yesterday after getting home from work I snoop on my wife’s phone and can see she read some erotic literature and masturbated. I have now observed quite a few times when she’s masturbated AFTER declining lunchtime sex and sometimes (like this) when she’s just masturbated. I have been able to keep myself from bringing this up to her which has been the right move, but never bringing it up has also allowed me to continue to observe it on her phone where it’s not really hidden, just in her search history. I could not stop myself from using this as an excuse to ask for a little validation for myself and potentially stir up some shit. I asked, how about sex tonight? I did this out of neediness for attraction validation. It was pretty clear to me even in this moment that I wanted to get a grade from her on where I’m at in my MRP progress. I actually do want sex too. Maybe I’m hamstring to justify it but I have very little trouble talking myself into “yea, you definitely want some sex right now”. I received a brief but very familiar; “I’m so tired, I did so much sex stuff over our anniversary weekend, all the chores!! You took time off work for fun today and I did this that and this at home. You have no appreciation for all I do.” I respond like I have for a while now, “hey no worries, another time” and even though I don’t think I do it, my body language likely screams out in pain and butthurt. She then shifts from chores to another familiar discussion that goes like this. Her: “I’m worried about how much you’re wanting sex. We just had sex two days ago.” Me: “Don’t worry.” Her: “Give me some reassurance.” Me: “It’s fine, you said no.” Her: (LOUD) ”I don’t need your permission to say no!” Me: “you’re right” Her: “Give me some reassurance.” ***I do not know WTF she’s asking for here except that maybe it just boils down to she doesn’t believe me when I say it’s fine?*** Then a new part of our discussion occurs. She starts to overtly (in desperation) describe to me that my pressure is killing her desire. She explains that it’s too much. She feels like she’s trying hard and she’ll never get me to a point where I’m satisfied. She says it’s so bad that she’s starting to feel like she’d just prefer masturbating on her own when she’s horney and she says she charged up her vibrator today just for this purpose. I’m fucking floored. I chuckle and she says ‘ohh you’re so turned on thinking about my vibrator’ but I’m really laughing cus yea I already know you feel this way Mrs Daneskjold, you’ve not only been thinking about escaping me in this way, you’re already doing it regularly and I just cannot believe you’re telling me. Also, I’m fucking shocked that (without any history reading our sidebar) she is so easily able to describe how my validation seeking behavior is killing her desire. Like I want to think that what she says is all emotional waves to ride on top of, but shes speaking the MRP gospel and it shakes me out of my boat. Then she gets into negotiation mode; “We have lot of sex already, 1x per week, 3x per week max is plenty. I need you, Ragnar, to take more time off work to help around the house and I need to you to give to me more emotionally, like now you’re barely even responding to anything I have to say”(phew! At least I’m kinda ShuttingTFU). Then, a round accusations of an affair or me being on the verge of an affair occurred. This happened once about 6 months ago. She called my mother and cried about her suspicions of my strange behavior based solely on my weight loss and me acting a little different after reading like 3 articles on Rollo’s blog. The affair accusation is happening about 1x per week in the last month and I either deny it truthfully or joke about it. When I’m being serious, I explain that cheating doesn’t seem like something that would ever serve me in the long term. This probably sounds like I want to avoid divorce (and I do) but what I don’t say is that an affair would be a shit way to get into the next relationship. This conversation starts to get into a circle and I cling to a few points that I try to make: 1- Mrs Ragnar, you’re not responsible for me. You think it’s your job to take care of me (sexually) but it’s not. 2- I have no interest in hiding from you when I’m wanting sex and what kind. It’s important to me to keep bringing it up when I want to. 3- I don’t’ want to trade any of those behaviors for or negotiate around wanting sex. I freaking hate thinking about myself making these statements because, at my stage in all this, when I say these things it probably comes across a little desperate and the sub communication I’m sending out is that the absolute opposite is true. I would probably be better off saying nothing at all, right? Even when she’s begging, or crying for me to give her a response to what she’s saying? I was not prepared to receive this overt communication from her like this. When she gets overt, and even if she’s spelling out things that are right, like I’m turning her off with validation seeking behavior, do I need to treat this seriously? Or do I just need to relax and be patient? I’m mitigating a lot of my unattractive behaviors and faking some of the other shit pretty good. I know in a day or two or next week I’m going to be rubbing on her butthole with my thumb and we’ll both be happy. So why should I worry about it at all, right? My cheat code for this problem, and please tell me if it’s not this simple is: **She doesn’t matter and stop looking at her phone.** Right?",,27,ragnar_Daneskjold,2021-05-04 17:49:43 askMRP,n1yej9,was it a test?,"hey so I have no idea at all how to identify a test with the wife. none. I know they happen and I know I am passing them more now than before I was investing in myself. 36 yo 188 lbs, 6'2 married 8, together 16, kids 4 months 4 years Bp 160 Op 140 Squat 245(new 1 rep pr) Dl 205 Bf% 16.5% **Reading:** finished NMMNG and currently MMSLP &#x200B; &#x200B; was this mornings interaction a test? - note there was no negativity at all in any of this interaction or none that I picked up- maybe a bit at the end but still VERY light after breakfast my wife goes to go pump breastmilk and usually takes our son for some reading time... I finishing eating 1st breakfast and then bring up our baby and put her in the room. So the wife is watching both kids. Then I go get ready (brush teeth, contacts etc). this morning I took longer to eat breakfast and then brought our daughter up, changed her diaper, and put her in the room with the wife and son. Then I went and did something, I have no damn idea what I did- sleep deprivation fog maybe? When I came back my wife was changing our son for the day and I let her know I was going to go get ready. Me"" hey im getting ready now"" -so as to let her know you are responsible for both kids wife gives playfully snarky look at the thought of watching both (mind you she is now in the sons room changing him and the baby is in her room alone - not far) Me: ""ohhhh i see, would you like me to take the baby with me"" Wife: happily- ""yes please"" I pick up the kiddo and take her to our room where I start getting ready - no issues everyone is happy I start brushing my teeth and my son comes in with his step stool to brush with me, very cute, and the wife is behind. Wife: ""im just gonna go do 20 million things and leave you with the kids now"" big smile on her face Me"" cool why dont you go take a walk while I bathe both kids and put them to bed"" - I did this last night and do so on a few occasions - again playfully said Wife laughs at this "" ohhhh I was making fun of you and you turned it right around on me, that is funny and mean.... im just gonna go use the bathroom for 25 minutes"" Me ""yeah I do that"" we all laugh Wife"" maybe I just do this"" attempts to sneak out of the situation Me laughing ""yeah I do that too!"" - because while I do try to be clear on communication of when she needs to watch both or one of the kids (cause you always gotta have eyes on them) I sometimes get lost in my head of what I am doing and assume she has it.... I dont feel bad about that either it is just a human thing that happens &#x200B; so net net wife is scared of watching both kids for long periods of time, im just not, wife communicated jokingly frustration that I asked her to do it this am.... I threw the joke back at her calling out how often I do the same thing and did last night with no issue.... we all laugh and wife brings up the troupe that I take a long time in the shitter (damn right I do) &#x200B; I really dont mind watching both kids, I mean there is a limit to it of course but it is fun to bond with them, gives me exposure to them I dont get during the work day all good on my end. &#x200B; So was this interaction a test? I got no fucking idea because I suck at this. if it was we all laughed at it so I dont think it went poorly but would sure like to see these coming.... they wont all come in the form of a little joke (soft ball for sure)",,0,[deleted],2021-04-30 17:07:27 askMRP,n1i4vi,get out of the house... how to?,"may seem like a silly question but a post came up in MRP about get the fuck out of your house to add some mystery. So my wife and I both work from home 2 kids she is on maternity leave.... I work during the day and she watches the youngest. I love the idea of going out but I am not sure where to go, what to do, and how to explain it as I have never just ""gone out"" simply because there are many other things that need doing at home. I of course go see the dudes, go for runs, I did go into the office but for a guy that never just went out it would raise some odd looks. Maybe this is a long term goal vs what I do tomorrow but legit how does one make room to go out? I think my head is filled with beta excuses on this.",,20,[deleted],2021-04-30 00:18:37 askMRP,n0wwvg,Tips for wanting marriage & family life.,"First off, a little info on me… I’m 29 years old (5’11/190lbs/13-14%~bf - lift heavy regularly, and have read most of the books on the sidebar — finished Book of Pook last week actually). Currently, I’m getting myself established in my career and moving forward on that front. My main priority right now is to keep the hammer down on improving my SMV (i.e. via lifting, hobbies, always practicing gaming, etc.) and to go after my goals financially and professionally. At some point, I would like to have a family life. I’m not pushing to get married (not legally through the state) and having kids right now, but I’m open to the opportunity down the road. As of now, I’m spinning plates and dating a bunch of different women. That has all I have really wanted for the last few years. Not to mention, the majority of the girls I have dated haven’t really shown LTR potential, let alone someone I would want to be with long term and have kids. Since MRP has more experienced guys over here compared to any of the TRP subreddits, I am curious to get some tips around picking a woman that is suited for your lifestyle of wanting family life/kids. What are some good strategies when it comes to vetting women that are wife-stock (so to speak)? From those of you around here that are married and have kids, what were some things you looked for out of your wife before committing and breeding with her? Thanks in advance.",,6,Ted_Turner4,2021-04-29 04:37:50 askMRP,mxz1ya,Question about being in a relationship/engaged with someone who is hitting the wall?,"A little about me: 35M, 6'1 205lbs (13%bf & finished bulking/lift 4 x a week), excelling in my career (6 figure salary), have a few hobbies I'm working on (one of which is working on my helicopter license). I have read all of the course prerequisites, along with the Book of Pook, 48 Laws, the entire Rational Male series, and 16 commandements. --- To start, I met my current fiancé when she was 26. She was working in the corporate world and probably the hottest woman I ever had in my dating rotation. After about a year of plating her, I promoted her to LTR status and things moved onward from there. There were a lot of positives about her that added value to my life, which is why I wanted a relationship with her, and then moved forward to getting engaged with her as she shared my values for marriage & family life. Four years later, she is now 30 years old, pursuing her Master's while working on a small business (startup with co-founder). She intends to do the business and be a stay-at-home mom, which I am fine with. Initially, when we first started dating she had a bit of an independent mentality but after some time she has become very submissive and anti-feminist. In addition, I do enjoy her company and she is pretty fun to hang out with and try new things with me. Here is the thing... Being that she is 30, she probably is about to hit her wall. I’ve noticed more belly fat on her stomach, whereas it used to be flat. She also has some fine lines on her face that she didn’t before. I’m 35M, at my peak fitness-wise and have an amazing 6 figure job, and have recently had a lot of really hot and successful women hitting on me. These women are also younger. But I’m afraid they may have the same damaged mentality a lot of younger women have these days. Should I cut ties with my fiancé and pursue these better options, especially since career-wise I could eventually be C-level at my firm? I do feel emotionally connected to her and we are aligned in many ways but I don’t want to be “purchasing” old goods when I have better options physically. She wants to eventually become a mother, I also want kids, but I just want to maximize my options. I understand that I took 4 years of part of her “prime” life, but I also want to keep my options open as my SMV has been increasing a lot over the last few years. Have any of you been in this situation before? If so, what's the best approach to take when making a decision like this? Thanks!",,2,BuskGlobe,2021-04-25 02:39:53 askMRP,muq52b,Thoughts on whether to have kids,"GF wants to have a baby. I do like kids but I'm worried about what I have to give up, mainly in terms of sex. Sex live is pretty good currently (every 2-3 days on average) and high quality. Reading up online it sounds like a kid is the fastest way to a dead bedroom. Curious what experiences here have been. Do you regret having kids? Did you have doubts before?",,11,Numerous_Reindeer581,2021-04-20 13:20:13 askMRP,mlpm35,Ungratefulness to the MAX,"As time goes on; more and more stuff from TRP begin to click and make sense to me. I've been married going on 2 years now. I am an electrical engineer and my wife is a data analyst. She is older than me and graduated before I did with a math degree. Her GPA wasn't that great and she didn't co op or intern anywhere so finding employment upon graduation went horribly for her. She ended up working at a bank as a teller. Her student loan debt is through the roof. Literally living on the poverty line. Fast forward a couple years later and I am getting ready to graduate. I already have an engineering position lined up; later making 6 figures. Money starts rolling in and life changes over night. I buy a house BY MYSELF for us. Our home is gorgeous and I am very handy. All repairs, tools, maintenance is handled 100% by me. I live there for a whole year before she even moves in (pre marriage). I buy her a ring. I agree to a wedding even though I think it is a huge waste of money. I even convince my company to giver her a shot in an analyst position and now her salary/lifestyle changes overnight. She pulls in about 80k now. Because her debt is so high, I told her all she needs to pay is water/internet. Not because I need the money but just out of common courtesy so she isn't just another bill. Everything else she makes; throw it on your debt or do what you want. Her household bills max out at $500 a month WORST CASE SCENARIO. Typically is around $250-$300. I feel as though I have given her a DEAL OF A LIFETIME. She has yet to change her last name and says she will change it when she is added to the deed of the house. I refuse. She doesn't clean; cooks regularly but that's literally it. I feel as though I have literally pulled her out the gutter but she's never satisfied. How quickly she's forgot what her life was like before I saved us. Is this normal?",,26,ErrythingPhroze,2021-04-07 00:09:31 askMRP,migqhn,Lot to unpack here,"**Background** \- 33 years old incel nice guy, beta orbited a colleague for months and got friendzoned. I went no contact with her for a month during which time I discovered TRP and my world turned upside down. Anger phase during that time propelled me to make some massive changes which helped me get her when I came in to contact with her again. Got ED while trying to have sex with her due to massive anxiety and insecurities. But finally did manage to have sex with her using viagra. She got super attached to me during that time which stonewalled me and I started thinking I can do better than her with all this TRP knowledge I got and subsequently I fucked up. Failed lot of comfort tests from her since I dealt with them like shit tests. And she bailed on me when she found someone else. This was 4 months ago and I still haven't gotten over it. My life is so fucked up at this point I don't even know where to start. **Books Read -** NMMNG, Book of Pook x 2, TRP sidebar, Chateau Heartiste x 2, The Rational Male **Lifting** \- This is the only thing I haven't given up on. Did stronglifts for 3 months which massively fixed my posture. Currently on Reddit PPL which is showing great hypertrophy results. I was a weak skinny ass guy with rounded shoulders. Have gotten to normal bodyweight during these four months. Gained around 10 Kg in total and still getting good comments from people I know. Lifts - Height - 5'7"" Weight - 160 lbs BF - 18% (Navy) Squat - 165 lbs, Deadlift - 198 lbs, Bench Press - 132 lbs, Overhead - 72 lbs, Barbell Row - 125. Major lifts have all stalled and moving pretty slowly. Planning to stay on this program till year end with one cut for two months. Finances/ Business - Financially stable. Worked hard to launch one side project last month which has been part of my mission since long. It's failing miserably and I'll need to work on something else. **Current Issues** \- Lot of grief/sadness for mistakes I made, still feel like I missed my shot at life by wasting all my adult life just reading books and chasing money. Severe scarcity mentality which is fucking up my head. I want to become high value man but the force I had during anger phase is fizzling out. I plan things which I fail to execute. Not understanding lot of my emotions. I know it's over but my mind still keeps on hoping that she'll come back, I keep on checking on her social media like an idiot. I thought I knew what needs to be done but looking at the position I am in I need literal hand holding to move forward. Reading through all the OYS posts it felt like all kind of guys wash up here and then there's me.",,11,RandomDude11111,2021-04-02 09:26:04 askMRP,meswp1,Sexless in the 20s,"*I've been scouring the forums for about a month here, but I don't think I've read up on a situation quite like mine. Nothing unique here though: Have 3 young kinds, no sex in over a year. Pandemic made everything worse. I need to do something different.* **Background:** Me - 39, 6' 179, second marriage. Gyms all closed so I walk and do yard work (e.g. lost a massive oak and I've turned it into firewood.) Her - 31, 5'6"" Was 140 she may actually be close to me at this point. Married 4.5y dated 3 before that. Twins born 2017, single born last year. **Prereq's:** I did fine with girls in college, but needed some extra help after. Discovered the seduction stuff, hated it and then embraced it. When my first marriage ended (no kids, no house, clean split) I found the updated RP stuff. Went monk mode and was a regular on TRP (my handle was nuked), read CH, read Athol, read Rollo, read NMMNG, When I Say No, Deida. Since Jan, I've caught up reading BPP/Dread and going through sidebar. **Postpartum:** With the twins, it took us about 5 or 6 months to get back to sex. 20 months ago, we decided to try for #3 and almost immediately, we conceived. by the 2nd trimester, we stopped having sex completely and then she was having lots of bleeding issues. Nothing critical, but she wasn't doing well. I was working from home so it was very easy to be there for her. **Postpartum II:** When the baby came last year the pandemic was kicking off and I got laid off. The daycares closed down and my family couldn't be there to help us, It's a little weird how little I even thought about sex for a few months. When everything got closer to normal (new job, kids in daycare, baby calmed down) I started making a few attempts, but got rejected every time. At first it was like, ""later this evening,"" ""tomorrow,"" ""yes, this month, I promise."" Nothing. Seemingly out of nowhere, my wife tell me she's decided to get an IUD. But that night, she starts bleeding... and it kept going. This apparently can go on for 6 months. My sister even revealed to me that it happened to her. There are always pads in the trash. **Married Monk Mode:** SO I decided to give up for a bit and focus on my job, the LLC I launched in case this goes south, making good investments. I'm a fiddler and I got really good in the last 6 months. I took up a new instrument too. Because I can't lift (and probably wouldn't have time to anyway) I changed my diet completely eating cleaner and much less meat. Recent bloodwork came back the best I'd had in 5 years. But I also went through a periods, where I simply was not attracted to her and found her boring and sort of weak minded. She got wrapped up in the election and I've always had an aversion to people who make politics their personality. I went to bed later and started to enjoy the extra hour doing chores or zooming with friends or listening to music or trying a weird new beer. **Epiphany Phase:** But then I realized, 18 sexless months had gone by. I started dreaming about sex regularly and went through a couple weeks of regular porn use. I actively decided meditate on the anger I was building up toward her and I let it go. I remind myself that I signed up for a lot of this. So I'm working on being a cool, chill dude again, thought I have my moments of anger still. She never was a huge shit tester, and I'm 80% sure I'm passing them again. I think I'm also naturally past level 2 and 3, to the best of my ability. But I'm not sue where to go next. I feel like it might be time to be a little more explicit. Like ""how are things with the IUD?"" Or, ""lets figure out how to work on this."" **Questioning:** I feel like level 4 is a good place to mess everything up. I also feel like maybe I'm being ridiculous and the second pregnancy, or 3rd kid, is a totally different ball game. Anyone been here? How has this stupid pandemic changed things??? I just want to repair the foundation of this marriage. And if I can't want to have a normal sex life again. **EDITS and UPDATES:** Real fucking talk. Thats what I'm here for. I'm seeing how defensive a couple of my replies have been, but I knew what I was stepping into and I'm back for more. Everyone IRL is so friendly and reassuring, it's not helpful. Nothing like random internet people to poke hole in your bullshit. * I emailed the gym a couple days after this post and, turns out they'e open, have been for 6 weeks. Apparently there was some big email announcement, but I was the ""20th person to ask about it,"" so I think they have a SPAM issue... I guess I coulda driven by it though. * With a solid quarter of exceeding targets now in the books, I need to back off the grind. I'm fucking up by putting in 12 hours a day. I need to figure out how though. I went from running a team of 6 at my last job to having one shared person here. With Easter, I decided to reward myself by taking a few days off. I also am going to block out that time for the gym basically in the AM, right after I do the daycare run. Wife does them all right now. * So I decided to call an audible and open up the Lake House like 8 weeks early. We have so much fucking firewood that it's totally fine. plus my cousins have been at their house (winterized) since COVID and our kids love hanging out. Nothing's changed, but I'm hoarse from laughing I'm glad I'm here. * I've been flirtier with my wife every day since reading back the comments here. She's receptive, so I guess that shows me how useless sitting around waiting has been. So, it's given me the confidence to also try to initiate, with more genuine OI than before, only to find her asleep... on the couch or in bed in the time it takes me to brush my teeth. * Yesterday, she mentioned to my cousin's wife that this kid has been by far the hardest to cope with. Compared to fucking twins, I was kind of surprised. So later I asked her about it -- at a time when I would have tried to make a move. ""I've never been so tired in my life,"" she began... and spent time going through our entire year and how everything that could have been hard about a baby's first year, was. I couldn't disagree. She ended with, ""Thank you. I love your calmness. I love you. I'm going to bed."" * My ""calmness"" is bullshit. I realized I've been so fucking angry this whole year. And she knows it too, despite what she said. Thinking about it, I realized it meant ""your attempt to be 'calm' is cool and all,"" but I gather she saw right through it. * Finally, fuck all y'all. My neckbeard hobbies are awesome.",,14,PeacockPuncher,2021-03-28 02:48:03 askMRP,me2h59,What is going on?!,"(36, 5'10, 200, out of shape, not lifting) Just discovered MRP as a newbie and find a lot of the themes do seem on point. Respect to the community for helping men out there. I did some searching through archetypes but I have no clue how to characterize my situation. **Background:** Married 4 years and strongly considering divorce. We filed last year and then recovered and put it on pause. We have two children (2 and 3 months). I make good money and am a ""career alpha."" **Sex Life:** My wife is more physically attractive(she's like an 8.5 and I'm a 6). We basically got married because I ran game on her and turned her out in bed. Now our sex life has gone to shit. The thing that confuses me is when we do do rarely it it's always great for both of us and she does everything I want in bed. Some real filthy things. **Home Life:** From reading MRP I see I've become a beta cuck nice guy. I just smile smile smile take her shit hold it in and blow up every now and then. She is very high strung/high maintenance so this has just exacerbated her obnoxious qualities. One of the things that makes me believe in your methods is during our separation (before reading MRP) I started flunking all her shit tests and flirting with a bunch of women and it's like wives have a sixth sense. I can sense she is now curious/concerned and trying to reconcile. **Habits:** I've progressively grown more out of shape in my 30's. This is now my top priority but I've been a lazy fuck. I'm also much messier/carefree than my wife and I value my time and hourly more than chores and housework. This has led to her sonning me in a way and disrespecting me as a man which is understandable. These two are big black marks against me and things I want to start working on fixing for sure. **Questions:** **1.** Even though I've been a beta cuck and letting a bunch of shit slide, now that the separation and MRP has woken me up, I'm actually not that interested in making the marriage work. I don't want to deal with her shit and I actually want to be single again and out there. I find her very restrictive/controlling at her best and kind of a buzzkill. She's just constantly moaning about household chores and time spent with the kids. Context: she is a hands on neat freak who mops the floor multiple times per day, breaks laundry machines from overuse, and owns 4 air purifiers. I'm pretty sure my happiness is capped with this woman. I was kind of pressured into marriage and having kids wasn't my first choice either. Now I'm financially free and in my prime (other than this belly fat). I want to get out there and smash. But I don't want to fuck my kids up. I don't see a lot about the kids being mentioned on here. **Q1:** Would you try to make it work for the kids? Do I fit some archetype here? **2.** Question about chores/housework type things. I do think not being physically fit makes me a lazy cunt and weak piece of shit. But is not wanting to do dishes and all that an extension of this? I work very hard, long hours, and excel in what I set my mind to. Would rather just make a lot of $ and hire a maid and nanny instead for the little things. Are you the type of people that like chopping your own wood and riding bicycles and growing beards and all that self sufficient mountain man stuff? **Q2:** Is me not wanting to do chores (I consider a waste of time) and focus on making money + pleasure an extension of the laziness that led me to being a fat piece of shit? I've always been this way and fit/motivated for all of my life. **3.** You're definitely doing a great service empowering so many lost men out there. **Q3:** But isn't it super beta weak for MRPers to define their success by how bad their wife wants to have sex now? I've read so many posts where people come glowing with their ""success stories"" while defining success off their wife (who is probably frumpy and not even worth the hassle). I definitely fucked up my relationship in many ways. But at the end of this road I'm more like ""I'm successful. Fine women like successful men who practice game. Fuck it on to the next"" instead of ""Let's salvage this marriage please have sex with me and respect me."" And I do need to work on my fitness and some suboptimal habits that crept in but I'm mostly happy with my approach and situation. Maybe I'm just a selfish cunt considering I am a father of two. But I'm pretty sure my wife realizes all this and is looking for a way to work her way back in.",,6,MRPisgoodforMe,2021-03-27 00:28:42 askMRP,mcmzwr,Headspace is a little confused right now,"Wife told me a month ago that she doesn't feel an emotional connection with me. We were trying to work on it, she said I needed to give her more words of affirmation. She had gone through some stuff at work, got some counselling, and got back into painting and music as therapy. It made her realize how much she missed it, and that she had only stopped long ago because everyone in that scene was into heroin, and she wanted nothing to do with it. I'm not an artistic guy, nor musical, though I can appreciate it. We had set up a meeting with a marriage counselor, even though I have been trying to work on some of my unattractive behaviors. I even told her (stupid, should have STFU) that I can point to where I changed behaviors when we started dating, because I was worried about the attention I was getting from women, and didn't want to cheat on her. This morning, she comes out with the fact that a month ago she was messaged by her old fiance 12 hours away. It made her realize that I would never have the connection with her that she needed, as he was artistic, etc, and had gotten clean. I responded that it was a load of cliched bullshit, but if that was the case, we might as well split up. I said that we had a connection once, but that it faded and it was up to her if she wanted to try and work on it. She responded that she didn't think that it could be done. Maybe if it had been done years ago. We started discussing the logistics. Neither of us is wanting to screw the other over, there wouldn't be any alimony as she makes not much less than me, and we would split custody. I get that I was not leading and I was not giving her the feelz and all that other stuff. But my question is, if this is something worth saving, can it be? I can't help but think I should have responded differently",,4,Fixinmashit,2021-03-25 01:56:13 askMRP,maab26,MMSLP,"It seems like a lot of MRP is based off of MMSLP but I've seen it referenced as ""dancing monkey."" Where does MMSLP get it wrong?",,5,[deleted],2021-03-22 00:28:02 askMRP,m851yo,Is there a masculine version of /r/malefashionadvice ?,"That sub used to be okay but it's been taken over by kids who are going out of their way to look like bums and genderfluid whatevers. Anyone have an equivalent resource but for men who are working on being men?",,58,sven_igortsen,2021-03-19 00:34:02 askMRP,m5q9e9,Deciding between the single life vs. getting married at 35,"Been a TRP follower for a few years now, and thought for several years there was no way I was going to get married given all the negatives and risks, and how few benefits there are for men. However, after recently hitting 35 and doing well in my career and, I'll admit, seeing so many of friends and colleagues get engaged/married and start having kids in the last couple of years, I started to reconsider if the risks of marriage and kids may still be worth it, as long as they considered and accepted/mitigated up front. I come from a South Asian background, so it's definitely possible to find a virgin or at most n=1 type girl to import. I fully recognize that marriage is TRP on hard mode, and that many people who get married and have kids regret it later on. However I've started feeling like I'm ready to have children and bring up the next generation, as fucked up as this world is. At 35 I feel like I'm at a crossroads, where my SMV is near its peak in terms of youth, physical fitness, career, etc. - all things considered together. I could go down the traditional route (except the part about becoming lazy and fat - no way in hell I'll stop lifting), or just stay single and spin plates for a few more years. Curious if anyone else went through this 'crossroads' - what did you decide to do and how did you think about it?",,9,ThenIJizzedInMyPants,2021-03-15 17:42:03 askMRP,m5bvr9,Long Puke: Is it possible to fix a marriage in which wife has lost respect/admiration for husband?,"Hi gents, I have been lurking MRP for a while, and appreciate that this forum is here for us neophytes to vent and ask advice of other men on this journey. This is a rant/puke, but also a request for thoughts and advice. For those who don't want to wade through the post below, my fundamental question is whether with work and implementing a red pill approach, it is possible to turn around a marriage in which my wife no longer respects me or demonstrates attraction toward me. As I explain below, this is not her fault. It's mine, and I own it - 100%. However, I have seen a lot of advice around the web indicating that once women lose respect, it's almost impossible to get back. Some even suggest the best course of action is to move on and start fresh after you've done the work to become a better man, but I am not willing to take this step until all other options are exhausted. Shoot me down as blue pill or emotional, but I love my wife and I am committed to her. I made a commitment to her before God at the altar, and that is something I won't easily walk back. For those still reading, here is the longer version of my story: For most of my adult life (I'm in my early 30s), I have considered myself a masculine man, perhaps even an ""alpha."" I built a high-paying career from nothing, work out and lift, own my house, and have a healthy social circle of male friends. I'm decent looking, even handsome, and throughout my twenties I had a healthy dating/sex life that included several attractive partners. In the past week, however, I've looked in the mirror and finally admitted the truth to myself: I'm a beta, if even that. I don't know how to be a man, only a male. Switch the penis for a vagina, and there'd be virtually no noticeable difference in terms of how I carry myself through life. While I did well developing myself in general ways, I never learned how to be a man. No one gave me the manual. Without delving too far into personal issues, I grew up with a father who was an emotional trainwreck, weak in every respect, and who worked out his personal failings through patterns of abuse. Like many young men, I didn't have a role model of masculinity in the home, and when I went into adulthood, I just kind of assumed it was ""working hard, banging pretty girls, and doing a bench press every few weeks."" I don't know how to lead myself, much less my wife, family, or others. If this sounds overly harsh toward myself, it wasn't - it's actually been liberating to finally come to terms with this realization, because it's lit a fire like no other under me to do whatever is necessary to change my life, at any personal cost. Here is the situation with my wife: when we initially met in 2016, she was head over heels toward me. I don't say this to compliment myself, simply to provide the facts. Of all the women I'd dated, her attitude toward me was that which could most be described as ""adoration"" in the classical sense. Others commented frequently on how she looked at me, the sparkle in her eyes, how she always seemed to be hanging off my elbow when we were out together. She would bring me lunch at work just so she could sit in my office during the lunch hour, even if I was too busy to talk to her. She was an accomplished woman in her own right and not by any means immature, but when she was around me she acted like a teen girl with a high school crush. She would even quietly snap photos of me (she never told me until I caught her one day) working at my desk. I could give example after example, but you know it when you see it in a woman and she's looking at you like you're a hero or a king. Four years later, we're married, and the light has gone out of her eyes, erased bit by bit as she's come to know the real, weak me under the pretense of the person she fell in love with. She's often distant, sexually uninterested, and no longer makes any effort to connect with me emotionally or intimately. She has gained 40 lbs since the time we were dating, and doesn't put much effort into her appearance unless it is for professional reasons. An important realization I had in this regard happened last week. I thought to myself ""she doesn't think I'm worth the effort,"" and almost immediately replied to my own thought: ""You're not."" From time to time, that spark is still there, but again - you know it when you know it, and the woman I dated is no longer there. The reasons she's lost her admiration for me are many, but revolve in part around my emotional instability. I struggle with depression and PTSD. I have never been mean or abusive toward her, but she has time and again seen me blow up and shout ""Jesus effing Christ!"" over a simple annoyance, or sink into an energyless depressed stated wherein I can barely say ""good morning."" She's heard me talk about how I hate my life, how I feel the cards are stacked against me, how I'm constantly overwhelmed and ""behind,"" how I feel my life is out of my control and have no hope for my future. She's even heard me talk about ending my life, although I've always quickly clarified ""that's just how I feel emotionally right now, I'm not serious and would never harm myself."" She's also seen me breakdown and cry over seemingly trivial things - not the loss of a parent or some major event, but a car breaking down at an inconvenient time. She's watched me be constantly indecisive, overly ""nice"" to her and others, and put myself last to others over and over not because I am a self-sacrificing superhero but because I am a doormat people pleaser looking for a pat on the head. Looked at objectively, I'm as disgusted with my behaviors as she is. All of this reached a peak two weeks ago. I realized I was doing nearly all the cooking and household chores, plus my day job, and getting nothing in return. Again, I don't fault her. I put myself in this position. At one point, she ""jokingly"" suggested we could be ""roommates with benefits,"" and during a particularly disinterested attempted at sex, basically pushed me away and said ""you'll have to work harder to get my legs open."" At that point, I just called it off and walked, without even commenting. A few nights later, her mood switched completely, and she basically ripped my clothes off and kicked off our most passionate night of sex in a long time. I mention this because here and there, the embers of the original fire is still present. She will still show those admiring behaviors every now and then, which gives me hope that ""all is not lost"" in this marriage. I recognize I can't change her, only myself, and much of her behavior is a natural female response to a neutered, weak man. My question is - where do I go from here? I've diagnosed the issues and I'm taking my first steps toward improvement - getting the books, consuming tons of podcasts, and more importantly, making daily changes in every aspect of my life and implementing the advice I read. However, can this marriage be saved and turned around? Or is this a case where it is too late and I need to look past the horizon once I've rebuilt myself as a man? This may be blue pill or overly emotive, but in my eyes, this woman is still the gold standard, and I'd go through hell and back to save our marriage. Despite all the weakness and personal issues I've shared above, there's still in my soul that core, masculine trait that says ""I'd take a bullet for her and my family, and I wouldn't think twice."" I'm confident I can do the work and improve myself, but haunted by the fear that although it's not too late for me, what if it is too late to recapture the spark in my marriage?",,22,Finding_Fluid,2021-03-15 03:39:55 askMRP,m49olx,Dread Question,Does a woman need to view the person given attention as the same or higher value as themselves for dread to work?,,3,[deleted],2021-03-13 16:29:12 askMRP,m47odl,"I might have screwed up, how should I proceed","**TLDR;** I mentioned the captain/first-mate dynamic to my submissive fiance. We already had that kind of dynamic going but saying it out in the open got her defensive. She has brought it up since then when she was drunk. Not sure if I should ignore it and swat down shit tests surrounding it, or if I should approach it directly. \---------------------------------------------------- Hey guys, I have been implementing TRP in my life for the last few years and it has been amazing. I have done the things a guy needs to do to become high value and I am getting really good at dealing with women (sexually, non-sexually, whatever situation). I have become the kind of man I never thought I could be. All that said, I'm still not chad thundercock. I still do stupid beta shit sometimes. I still fail shit tests sometimes. I say things that chad wouldn't and do things that chad wouldn't do. I am night and day different than the BP faggot I used to be, but this TRP journey will never end for me and I will always be learning. I can be kind of a sperg sometimes when applying TRP principals. I will apply them ham fisted sometimes or misunderstand something I learned and fuck shit up as a result. Overall, I am 100x the man I was before, but I still fuck up more than I would like. I was spinning several plates for a couple years, always rotating new plates in, until I promoted one to LTR. Eventually I decided to marry her. We are still engaged. I might have really fucked up a couple nights ago. I was about to go to bed, and I got stoned. I'm not a stoner, but I usually have 1 hit just before I go to sleep. When I was laying there about to go to sleep my fiance came in and started talking with me. We were just talking about random things and I don't remember how it came up, but somehow we got talking about us being equals. She was saying something like ""I'm glad we are perfect equals. I like that you dominate me in bed but respect me throughout every day"" or something like that. Then like an idiot I mentioned something along the lines of the captain/first-mate dynamic and broke it down a little. When she started getting upset (or pretending to be upset I don't know) I basically told her ""hey I thought we were on the same page about this, at least your day to day actions made me think so. If you aren't ok with that dynamic, I'm the wrong guy to marry."" It made me realize that I had a covert contract with her to be in the captain/first-mate dynamic. Last night we were celebrating something and she got drunk, more than I usually see her drink. Then when we got home she kept saying things about ""well I'm just a first mate blah blah blah"". So I'm just looking for some guidance here. I have been spergy in the past when applying TRP stuff and usually end up learning things the hard way. It seems like not mentioning this dynamic is a kind of covert contract. Because her actions from one day to the next show that we are in fact in that kind of dynamic, but having it said out in the open might have been a big fuckup. Maybe not though, that's part of the reason why I am writing this. I want to know if that was dumb, and if it is how I should proceed from here. Now that I put it out in the open should I tell her ""this is how it is, if you don't like it, there's the door"" or should I just try to forget about it and just pass her shit tests surrounding it? My first instinct is to approach it directly, but that may be a big mistake so I am hoping you guys can help me out. The thing is she is submissive to me and we have a household that fits the captain/first-mate dynamic, but now that it was said in the open I may have totally fucked that up. Thanks guys",,3,Milkman-Of-Chlamydia,2021-03-13 14:47:36 askMRP,m24wbm,Analysis paralysis over focusing on career or trying to start a business,"Note to Mods - I've asked this on asktrp as well but also wanted to get answers from guys who are likely older and (hopefully) wiser than I. &nbsp; I'm in my late twenties and am torn between focusing on my career as opposed to trying to go my own way. &nbsp; On the one hand I don't mind my job (even if it does bore me to tears at times), it pays reasonably well for my age (£37,000 ~ $51,500), I rarely work more than 40 hours a week and is relatively low stress. Yet, on the other, I know that it will take me several years to buy a house (UK property market is fucked), I likely won't be able to retire until I'm in my late fifties earliest, I feel like I need to earn a lot in order to provide for my family (in LTR and considering having children in the next few years) and every so often on I see on TRP that we should all be trying to hustle our way out of the corporate life, and pursue entrepreneurship in order to obtain true freedom. &nbsp; This then leads me to business. Obviously the earning potential is immense and would potentially solve the problems mentioned above as well as the opportunity to eventually live my life on my own terms. Yet, deep down I'm put off by the amount of time and effort required in order to have a shot at being successful. I can't just quit my job and start as I don't have the capital to do so, and there's also the issue that it's difficult to get a mortgage when you don't have a stable income. So, for possibly many years I would have to work full time in my career and hustle on the side, potentially to the detriment to gaining life experience and damaging relationships, including my LTR. &nbsp; All in all, I'm at a loss of which route to take. I've been deliberating over this for quite a bit recently and it would be helpful to hear from those who have tread a similar path.",,3,[deleted],2021-03-10 18:36:55 askMRP,m19ddx,Need some advice on my dodgy marriage..,"I’m having problems in my marriage, and feel like I’m stuck in a situation that I can’t move forward on without absolutely destroying everything I currently know and love. We’ve been married for 15 years, and have an eight year old child together. During this time, I know that she’s probably had a fairly serious online (and more?) affair with someone who was my best friend, exchanged erotic emails with someone else, had another ‘emotional’ affair with someone else for a year or so, and my gut tells me she had some kind of fling with a dude she worked with. So up until now I’ve been burying this shit deep inside for the sake of our child and dealing with it as best I can. We were getting on okay on the surface, but the more I’ve been meditating and working on my own issues, the more this stuff is bubbling up again and wont let me just forget it any more. All I keep seeing everywhere these days is “trust your instinct”, “follow your gut”.. and now that I do, I feel I need to be done with her. It’s been nearly 2 years since her last thing (that I'm aware of) and as far as she’s concerned it’s done and we’ve moved on. I however, have not. As much as I tried, I can’t forget the sort of person she is and can’t continue to build a future with someone who I can’t trust and know deep down doesn’t even really love me for me. I’m 5 years younger than her, I lift, I take care of myself, and am better looking now than I ever have been and that’s making her nervous. She knows somethings up with me now and keeps insinuating that I don’t want her anymore, and am thinking about leaving her for someone younger. Now, all of a sudden, she cares. Anyway, every day I wake up, the feeling that I need to live a live of integrity (I.e. I can look myself in the mirror) and honesty with someone who feels the same as me grow stronger. It’s not going away. I know for a fact if I sit down and tell her all of this, she’ll freak out and things will never be the same again, either permanently or it’ll make the fucked up wedge between us even worse while we stay together for our child. Any and all advice appreciated… TDLR; Can’t bring myself to continue a marriage with a women I don’t trust, who doesn’t really love me, and need some advice on how to move forward.",,13,Cultural-Panda-8177,2021-03-09 15:55:53 askMRP,m0lv9l,Cialdini's Influence,"I just read ""Influence"" by Robert Cialdini and it was illuminating. It was easy to see both my unconscious use of manipulative techniques and susceptibility to them, as well as my desire to socially disconnect when in situations I feel I may be easily manipulated. However, while reading, I had suspicions that while there are similarities, there are also core differences in the way the sexes respond to the various click…whirr influence factors. I wish the research in the book had assessed sexual differences. I'm looking for well-researched works that explore these topics further and I'm curious if anyone knows of a book/research/etc that explores similar phenomenon but does its examination through a sexually dimorphic lens?",,12,Beneficial_Secret_81,2021-03-08 18:09:18 askMRP,lzi920,Hammer landed on wedding ring,"Last night the wedding ring was hammered into a wedding metal strip. Two weeks earlier: I have been reading MRP and some stories really connected with me, I also had a lazy bedroom and the wife felling entitled to gifts ad praises. I recognized that I have dropped the ball and started to implement what I learned here right away. STFU is the hardest thing. I have something to say about everything, and a hundred times a day I tell myself - STFU. Exercise is back in my life. Before marriage I was in the gym 5 days a week, after - I thought that my money and time should be spent on house maintenance and garden instead. Reading the sidebar has re-opened my eyes - I dropped the ball. She responded to my changes by not lifting a finger even more than usual. For over a week I have been doing laundry, cooking, cleaning, feeling like I am single again. This is on top of my usual 8-5 job and kitchen/bathroom renovations I am doing at the moment after work. I can't live like a pig anymore, I want a nice, clean, welcoming house, and if she can't deliver - I will. Yesterday she wanted me to take her to a restaurant for dinner, I could not believe my ears, I responded with STFU and later made a meal only for myself instead. Next thing I know she grabbed a hammer and smashed the wedding ring a few times. Not sure what that means, time will show. For now I will continue to work on myself and the house.",,20,anm767,2021-03-07 03:36:22 askMRP,lws7th,Specific shit test response,"So my wife's all-time favorite shit-test is asking/responding with ""why are mad/angry/crabby/grumpy?"" Now, there are times when she is definitely picking up on my actual mood, and I realize there are frame issues I need to fix. However, she asks that at other times where it is a definite shit-test (50-75%of the time). My response has usually been no or some other negative response, occasionally with a joking ""I'm furiously mad"", to which she usually responds with repeating the accusation, ""well, you just seem mad"", and then we just broken record each other 2-4 times each. So, I ask the sages of askMRP/MRP, is there a better approach/response?",,11,blue_hippocrates,2021-03-03 11:58:57 askMRP,lx8vg5,"STFU, lift, sidebar","It's so important to focus on these things before making any drastic changes to your life or your behaviour. Honestly, the sudden change in knowledge can be arrogance building and it's easy to leave the hard work behind before you are ready. Try to do this as minimally as possible. As we've all seen over and over again, STFU, lift, sidebar, needs to be the focus because I am the problem. And that isn't gonna change without focusing on the material and the actions. And STFUing Edit: Thank you",,0,TakeHimRoundBack,2021-03-04 00:56:52 askMRP,lkkduw,"Not married, but really like a girl who used to want a relationship (and I didn't, long-term) and now she just sees me as a friend who fucks her well. Insight from MRP?","Hey brothers, new here. Familiar with TRP and PUA from the last few years. I'll try to keep this semi-concise: * Dated a girl for a couple months. Took her virginity too. Didn't see a long term future with her (not sure I'll ever marry any girl, but we'll see) and treated her more like an exclusive fuckbuddy / semi-girlfriend. But in the moment we did tell each other we loved each other (and I definitely did feel that romantic love for her, and was fully romantically/sexually satisfied with her). * It bothered her that I never asked her to be my girlfriend, and eventually after a fight she broke up with me; she now recognizes it was an excuse to break up because she resented that I didn't treat her like a committed long-term partner / didn't satisfy her Disney relationship expectations * Evolutionarily this makes sense. Dual mating strategy, I satisfied the alpha-fucks part but only partially satisfied the provider-part. She wouldn't want to be tied down to a guy who wouldn't be there for her as a provider long-term. And according to her, a relationship is heading towards a possible future together e.g. marriage. * We reconnected a month after the breakup (i.e. last month) and we've been hanging out fairly regularly; still act couple-y in person (cuddles, affection, lots of sex), but she just sees me as a FWB. She's keeping her options open and even had a date planned for yesterday with a random guy from Bumble. She said she planned the date when she was feeling lonely the other day. * I'm also keeping my options open but only because she is. I don't really feel like dating other girls but I am gaming other girls casually and might have a couple dates this week myself. * If it were up to me, we'd just be in a normal relationship still and exclusive. Makes me kinda sad that she felt lonely the other day and booked a date, because to me we could just be a normal couple even though I have no idea if I'd be with her many years down the road. My romantic feelings for her are strong and growing slowly still, though. So anyway, I'm wondering if MRP has any unique insights or advice that I haven't thought of yet. From what I can tell, the most common problems in MRP are to do with things like dead bedrooms - but I seem to have the opposite problem. I fuck her dominantly multiple times a day when we hang out and she really loves when I fuck her, and IMO I even have high RMV (smart, good career potential, workout often, reliable, etc), but she doesn't see me as a boyfriend anymore while I do see her as more of a girlfriend and would want us to be a couple, at least for now. Cheers guys Edit: some of you guys are toxic as fuck and seem to have serious anger issues (maybe projection because you hate the beta inside you and see me as beta or some shit?). Thanks to those who helped, I legit got some good responses here and will be reading more into MRP material now. And yes I lift lmao. No need for more comments unless you actually have interesting things to say. If you're just gonna call me a faggot, maybe go sort your own life out first Edit 2: LOOOOL okay ban me for using the word ""faqqot"" in the context of calling out OTHER people calling me that word here. You guys are ridiculous. In any case like I said in multiple places, some of these comments actually helped me figure things out, and I sparked an interesting discussion before the banhammer came down, so I don't really care you banned me, I'm happy I posted. Thanks again to those who legit helped. Lmfao.",,10,purplepilldthrowaway,2021-02-15 19:00:07 askMRP,lgfdwl,Bipolar,"My gf has bipolar disorder and has had some truly evil shit happen to her that made her the way she is. Her parents are also going through a divorce. I have had to wrestle pills and knives out her hand multiple times to prevent suicide attempts stemming from arguments. Lately because of MRP these incidents that would have happened every few days/weeks have only happened once in the past ~4 months. She wasn’t like this the first few months. She used to enjoy intimacy and craved it more than I did. Now it’s almost been 3 years and I feel like I’m just this idiot chasing a fantasy that she’ll return to the woman she showed me before. Intimacy is a lot better because of this sub but I need to be able to control this specifically. What am I missing? Am I fucking up in some way that causes this?",,7,MarcoDarco333,2021-02-09 22:35:13 askMRP,lcjy97,What the fuck am I doing?,"Just wrote out a fuck load of text. Deleted it all. Spent a few minutes reading MRP. Saw the action orientation. Now I'm looking around at my own life like, what the fuck am I doing? I need to start taking action because I'm stalling for a good enough reason to take action. But you know what? This forum motivates me. You guys challenging each other and having higher standards. There's something about that that makes me want to get up and get moving. I've always loved competing. I've always fought. But lately, I've faced things that had me on my knees. I came out of those challenges with nothing left in the tank. Does anybody here know how to come back from nothing when you feel you got nothing left to fight with? I've never felt this depleted in my life. Holla anyone else who is post narc abuse. The ghosts.",,27,TakeHimRoundBack,2021-02-04 16:48:33 askMRP,ladpsf,What is an acceptable frequency to visit family when married?,"31y, temporary not lifting because of pandemy, good career in technology. .. Me (31M) and She (29F) are together for 3 years, living in the same place and occasionally planning to have children. But something that we always discuss is the frequency that we visit her family and meet her friends. I like them but i prefer to use my weekends to chill, have sex, read or do something that i like (after do all the chores, what is very tiring) Last discussion was about when we have children, She would like that her family be more present in child's life. I said that's fine, but not all weekends because i want to raise my children on Our way, without to much influence from others. Just to you know, last time We visit her family was 3 weeks ago. I visit my mother yesterday, but last time i see her was about 1 month ago. By the way, I am a only child and She has 3 sisters. I'm very comfortable with visiting family 1x or 2x times a month, but she always complain about this. What do you think about it ? TL;DR Wife complaining about the frequency we see her family and friends. I'm worried that will be worse when we have kids.",,14,vigilantfox,2021-02-01 20:49:13 askMRP,l98j52,Views from outside the US?,"Since this is askmrp... Yes, I lift and I have a PT to make sure I stay honest to myself; yes I have read it all and then some; yes, current dread level 7 that I still consider passive; and yes I do have hobbies and friends. I have done my mistakes, and have my shit together in general. Enough to cut the shit short? My question is not about ""why my sex life is bad?"" but about cultural context. A lot of this discussion is rooted in the US culture. The principles of interpersonal dynamics do apply everywhere, but divorce legislation and practicalities are quite different in where I live. Typically both parents work, and in case of divorce it is quite common to have kids 50/50, split of assets that were accumulated during the marriage, and no crippling alimony. Problem cases exist, and your mileage may vary. In general people do not get material reward because of divorce. Typically the quality of life decreases or stays the same - your debt level just goes up. And that's for both. I also feel that our culture is one step behind from what takes place in the US. Yes, there's monkey branching, trickle truth, frustrated chumps - the whole nine yards. It's just not that extreme. Maybe in a generation things will have ""progressed"", but there is still a whiff of conservativeness in all of it. And yes, double standards do exist. It's all there, remember - just not that blatant. So, is there a society or sources that would be suitable for environment like this? I love MMSLP and Rollo's first year. Would be great to experience how other people in contexts outside US have experienced all this. Are there sources you can recommend or experiences that helped you improve/internalize or even let you help others to unplug? In addition to the usual bashing, I expect some nuggets of gold here 😉",,7,Childe-,2021-01-31 08:53:34 askMRP,l6vxjm,Got married but not feeling it anymore?,"I got married around a year ago. Had to do long distance because my wife and I were sticking during covid. Now we’re together for about a month... And I’m totally regretting it. I don’t like having another person in my space all the time, It’s not nearly as exciting as when we were courting and half the time I don’t feel attracted to her... I enjoyed playing the field way more. we got married after 5 months of knowing each other. Should I quit? Or just see it out and hope things will change? She does everything a wife should. No bedroom issues etc. But I don’t enjoy having someone telling me what to do, always in my space etc. I miss being alone.",,0,makes_u_laugh,2021-01-28 12:57:38 askMRP,l6xgf0,Relocation to China,"So apparently China is now doing [Anal Swab COVID Tests](https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2021/1/28/chinese-cities-using-anal-swabs-to-screen-covid-infections) I have my passport and think I can get a VISA very easily. Looking for advice on the best places to get happy ending massages while I am there as well as the best places to get twins. TIA",,0,red-sfpplus,2021-01-28 14:07:24 askMRP,l5wlgy,LTR having a messy living space,"I’m not sure how to handle this situation Hi, living with LTR for awhile. Things are chill other than she is rather a messy person to live with. I’ve tried communicating that this is a pet peeve of mine and would like for both of us (empathized both because I’m trying to avoid defensive behaviour) to keep the house cleaner. She often uses long work hours and depression as an excuse. I’ve seen on our Wyze camera evenings while I’m at work of her just bulls hitting on the phone. I’m unsure how to approach this to have a successful outcome. Am I just being a bitch about this? Do I need to like scold her or something? I’m lost",,5,unknown8791,2021-01-27 04:44:42 askMRP,l4uchv,GF feels pressured into having sex,"I'm not married but posting here because people here seem to know more about relationships rather than just casual dating. Stats: 37/5′ 9/150lbs/I do lift, decent shape, great job. So I'm dating this girl for about 4 months, we break up because I felt pressured into kids when I wasn't ready but we're retrying for 2.5 months currently and overall it's going well. In the beginning, the sex was insanely great, she was horny all the time, 4x per day was not uncommon. Then towards the 4 month mark things tapered off a bit which got me concerned. I am very easily triggered because 2 years ago I got out of a sexless marriage and very scared this is where it's headed. While broken up with my current gf I discovered the Red Pill and started using some of those techniques, and the sex definitely returned to the levels of the early days. I then got critical of the whole thing and become more blue pill again, but still maintaining some good game overall, but just not really leaning heavy on the dread-game. I am initiating sex, maybe once a day, less frequent recently, sometimes also quite passionately. She does refuse from time to time and I don't make a big deal of it and just drop it. Recently she said, multiple times now, that she feels pressured into having sex when I'm that passionate and she's not feeling warmed up enough or doesn't want to have sex but also doesn't want to say no. On top of that, she feels a lot of internal pressure to have sex and not leave too long a gap. I'm pretty sure that's not a shit-test and she does have a bad experience from an earlier relationship about being pressured and guilted for not having enough sex. That was difficult to hear. For one that it makes me scared that sex is now becoming this precious thing I have to be very delicate about and not initiate too often, but also that my sexuality is a burden for her, which triggers trauma from my sexless marriage. So what do I do? It makes sense to me that her feeling pressured internally and externally is probably not great for how she enjoys the sex we do have and consequently can only reduce her desire. From there it seems my best course of action would be to take off all the pressure and not initiate for a while. But I also worry that her attraction to me has dropped which is what's behind her decreased desire. She does have a ton going on at work and lot of anxiety around that, so there are external factors too. I also worry that there might be more than enough dread already. She's worried I'll change my mind about kids/the relationship again, anxious about the sex issue, is a jealous person overall (I do have some contact with other women but it doesn't seem to motivate her to try harder). She also really liked to be dominated in the bedroom but now also just wants things much more feeling-based and not as hard. Which makes sense if I'm already being too dominant for her when initiating. So I'm not sure that increasing dread/game is really gonna fix anything. The other useful thing I found here is that do very much rely on sex as validation, that's definitely something I want to work on to not become as needy in that regard. Anyway, this hasn't gone on for too long and maybe I should just chill, take off the pressure, work on my stuff, and see at what level she initiates sex at.",,8,CockroachDazzling,2021-01-25 18:42:49 askMRP,l307vd,Dominance & affection,"First of all sorry for my English. I just wanted to ask if any of you has seen her wife/gf being much more needy in terms of afection after fucking her in a dominant way. It has already happened to me 2 times out of 2 times I fucked her in a dominant way. It also strikes me because when she loves it when i dominate her but after it seems like she regrets it. My guess is that it is just the hamster since i came in her mouth the first time and gave her a facial the second (both of them things i always wanted to do but she never allowed). Any thoughts are appreciated! Thank you!",,6,[deleted],2021-01-22 23:43:27 askMRP,l193n1,Advice on living with ex during divorce,"Hey fellas, The details are really simple. Caught her sexting male colleagues. Filed for divorce. We now sleep in separate bedrooms. We have no kids together. Neither of us want to be together. I don't for obvious reasons and she doesn't because she doesn't want to carry the guilt. We are in the process of selling the house. Due to covid it will take time. Neither of us is prepared to move out. My request for advice is living under the same roof with someone I am married to, did/do love and care about in terms of her wellbeing. I know I shouldn't. I fully understand that who I ""thought"" she was vs who she is are vastly different things, however I am still having issues separating these distinctions. I understand the logic, but at 2am when you can't sleep it is rubbish. I understand that these are just chemicals in my brain telling me that she is essential (thanks Jocko for that) when she isn't. I would benefit from some tough advice and if that results in being called a faggot then so be it, but some practical ""how to be around the house with your ex while holding frame"" would be appreciated. Sorry if this is a wall of text. I'm on mobile.",,6,S4z3r4c,2021-01-20 13:24:50 askMRP,kysl59,Share school fees custody,"Hello guys, Divorced for two years now and have 50% shared custody. Kid will join school soon and there are many options, one of them requires paying extra money, the other is 75% cheaper. I have no problem covering the expense specially decision is mine but same time not willing to show her it's that easy to do so for any future thing. Actually she suggested to share costs which I didn't approve yet and I am between \- Option 1: I pay, she can't brag she shares and I save less money. \- Option 2: She pays, she go there and brag with whomever and I save some extra money. Generally if your ex pays something for kids like course, do you insist to pay back or cover or what is the better strategy here? **Edit:-** Ok guys, I get it that I successfully and easily joined the faggots/retarded club. I am happy about that because it's better to be retard/faggot and know about it, fix it than live for long time living in another reality. So if you have something to do with that upvote the other people or if you have a new humiliations, I would be happy to see it. Otherwise I am asking what are the lessons learned when it comes to extra payments with exs, do you do it normally, what do you take into consideration, law, relation with your frame in dynamics, etc...",,1,[deleted],2021-01-16 22:08:54 askMRP,koqjae,Can I have a good life and maintain sexual relationships with TMAU? Feeling hopeless,"I’m not married but I came here because I imagine most men here will be my senior (I’m 24) and I feel the advice I receive here will be better, over at asktrp it usually seems like teenagers that comment. So I have TMAU type 2. TMAU is basically a metabolism defect which prevents me from metabolizing certain substances which in turn make my breath, body and sweat smell pretty bad. At its best it’s a very musty smell at its worst it’s literally garbage. Ever smell a dead mouse? .. yeah.. Type 2 means it started later in life (only been a year) and that it can be cured although that’s a very long road. I have been feeling kind of hopeless lately as everywhere I go I’m treated as an outcast. Recently I was on a plane and for 2 hours listened to a family behind me talk shit about me. Surprisingly since I’ve had this issue I’ve hooked up with one girl and had another show heavy interest but I couldn’t follow through because this just kills my self esteem. Currently I don’t work, date, have friends or even go to the gym anymore because of this which is a complete 180 to the person I was prior to this beginning. Im hoping I can cure it but if I can’t..I just don’t know how to live the next 50+ years like this and could really use some advice. Thank you.",,20,mytrowawayforstuff,2021-01-02 04:14:34 askMRP,kl0emx,[911] Told that girlfriend cheated back home during holidays,"Info on me - 28 years old, 5’10 - 175lbs (12%bf) and read most the books on the sidebar (except 48 laws and mindful attraction plan). I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for over three years now (she is 27F) and we both live abroad (Canada, from Panama). We met back in university over five years ago when we initially were hooking up before we got into a relationship a year or so later. We moved in together earlier this year (February) prior to the lockdowns and pandemic issues that have come this year. A few months back, my girlfriend mentioned that she wanted to go back home for the holidays and visit her family. She wanted me to go along, which in a normal year I would have to see my family as well, but I was not interested in self-isolating for a week/two weeks and dealing with the extended travel it is to go back home to where we live in Canada. She was disappointed and upset with me and begged up until she left two weeks back. Anyway, my girlfriend has been sending me lots of updates and pictures of spending time with her family and friends. I have never worried about her cheating, and even if she did (or just have - I will get to it here), I would just leave her and move on. I got a text from an old friend of mine back home, who was at a small get-together with some friends that my girlfriend was at with a couple of her friends. He texted me saying that my girlfriend was sitting on the lap of a guy there and even made out with her a bit. I asked if he had any pictures or video and he said no, just take my word. I’m not sure what I should do in this situation since I’m prepared on one hand to move out of our place before she comes back next weekend, or stay put for the time being. Have any of you been in this situation before? If so, what’s the best way to go about it? Thank you.",,9,shauunnn,2020-12-27 08:46:36 askMRP,khz0jf,Is my marriage salvageable?,,/r/asktrp/comments/khu148/can_i_repair_my_marriage_after_discovering_my/,15,Delicious_Freedom635,2020-12-22 05:30:50 askMRP,kbhvv1,Starting Red Pill with an infant,"Wife and I have a 3 week old infant. Have had sex about 5 times since she got pregnant, last time months ago. Job shifted to work from home in March. Gyms finally started opening up again around here so I'm back to that, although there is tons of resistance with me going to the gym after working all day. I've read NMMNG, WISNIFG, MMSLP (currently re-reading), Rollo, WOTSM and a few others. This year I became very beta especially when my martial arts gym and regular gym closed and I was working from home and just being home 24/7. I am beginning to reread Red Pill material. My question is this: Does anyone have tips on implementing Red Pill lifestyle while having an infant? I'm pretty pissed now, and I don't want to end up nuking my marriage. I don't have oneitis, but lack abundance mentality since I don't have a life. Feeling stuck with everything closed. At this point, I don't care to be married anymore, but would like to save the marriage if possible for the sake of my daughter. Is it selfish to hit the gym 3-4x /wk with a newborn? Is the total 180 going to force a break/divorce if I go too hard right now? Just looking for tips from guys who tried to turn their life around with an infant in the picture. Thanks all.",,14,tabula_rasa_889,2020-12-12 03:32:19 askMRP,k5pbwy,Suggestions for getting a life,"I'll cut to the chase. I have no life. Not a lot of friends, and the ones I do have are holed up quarantining. My job shifted to a work from home environment. I've been working from home since March. Wife and I have an infant daughter. We fucked maybe 5 or so times since she got pregnant. Last time was months ago. Yep, I'm a fucking loser. Yeah, I'm pissed, but I'm moving past the angry part, given that I am not attractive, I can see why my wife wouldn't want to fuck me. I now want to just address the problem, apply some real solutions. I was doing kettlebells at home for a while which was ok since I managed to find a 40kg bell which could give an ok workout, but since gyms opened up recently, I'm now back to doing squats, deadlifts, bench and others. Yes I'm still a weak fuck but working on it. My question is this: What are some good activities to join to actually, you know, have a life? I used to do boxing and muay thai but that gym stopped with covid. Also, as kid gets older, what activities did you find worked with having a kid and an 830-530 job? I know thats super generic, but just curious what you guys do with your time to have a fun life given time commitments to job, kid, etc. especially if you are in a state where a lot of stuff is shut down. Yes I'm desperate to change my life for the better so that's why I'm asking random people on the internet for any suggestions. Thanks.",,5,tabula_rasa_88,2020-12-03 03:25:23 askMRP,k3bz17,"More muscle growth with high reps lighter weight, or heavy weight, lower reps?","In your experience, which mode of training gave you the greater growth.",,18,Diamondbacking,2020-11-29 16:14:36 askMRP,k1i13m,Logistics of breaking up/nexting LTR,"Haven’t been able to find info via search/sidebar. I’ve been in an LTR for ~3 years. I’ve come to the conclusion that it is time to move on, as without having kids, living together, or being married, the cost/benefit of attempting to fix this relationship is greater than I want. Is there a guide to breaking up in a mature, reasonable way? Our families are pretty intertwined at this point. I don’t think she is aware that this is coming. My thought is to meet outside her apartment, and just say “I am unhappy and have been a while. I don’t think continuing this relationship will lead to happiness for either of us.” Avoid placing blame/specific grievances and go no-contact afterwards. Any additional tips for the logistics of protecting oneself? While I know hurt is unavoidable I am not malicious and do not want to inflict unnecessary pain. TIA",,6,SleptUp,2020-11-26 16:19:36 askMRP,k0qxc5,"My victim puke, and advise needed. I was told to post here...","30 years old, 173 cm tall, 32% body fat, 94 kgs I didn't use my victim puke, I would like to cash it now please. As you might know from my post history, I was married to my ""unicorn"" for 4 years, we divorced this year. Let's just say it wasn't easy. I live in a middle eastern country, some traditional values still existed, so I searched for ""the one"", who I will marry and have a family with. My teenage years and college were just studying and gaming, did little socializing, but pretty much kept to myself. While I am pretty sure I am in the spectrum somehow, I did have good social skills, which attracted my ex in the first place. It was friendship at first, which blossomed to ""love"". We went the trad route, getting a job after college and marriage. Back then she was really attracted to me. We didn't even hold hands till after like 2 years (lol) but I knew she was really attracted to me, and she also told me. Before marriage we got a little handsy, and I could confirm, the girl was wet. After the wedding night, it was like a switch was turned off. She would happily have sex with me, but she wasn't really into it, more into the novelty. She didn't get wet at all except after a lot of foreplay, and sometimes not even then. There was problems, but nothing major. We were both ""depressed"", she was very smart but in a dead end job, meanwhile I was climbing the ranks and making better money each year. The main problem in marriage was the sex. She never said no, but she never initiated. The always horny girl I knew was NEVER horny, we of course had many talks about this. Nothing. I even lost weight and Got in the best shape of my life, to the extent that I was getting attention from other girls... Nothing. In 2019, I kinda gave up, and had a very good opportunity to go work abroad, very good money. She was complaining about her job, so I called a friend and got her a job in a much more liberal, much more social place. I remember I would push her to open up and be more sociable. And that she did. When I traveled, she made some bullshit reason about not being able to come immediately with me, and stayed behind. I noticed that she would lag in my texts, wouldn't respond like she used to, rarely checked on me. Then she dropped a bomb: she doesn't love me, and think she never did. She loved me but not that way, and at first she wanted to ""work on it"". I said no, divorce time. She agreed. What happened next, is a friend convinced me to try and save the marriage, when I pitched the idea it was met with objection. With a little more push, I discovered the following... My trad con religious waifu threw religion out of the window, she told me she wants to try drugs and drinking, she told me she wants to sleep around, she has ""a strong need for male validation"", and she never was attracted to me, but she found other men made her wet, and made her want them. She liked another guy at work, he is ""her best friend"" now, but he isn't relationship material. He might be a fwb tho. She found that she is good socially, and love manipulating people to get what she want. The girl that was my wife, the love of my life, that made me wait 2 years to hold hands cause ""religion"", is speaking about being fwb and going out drinking and drugging it up. All that while I was completely alone, in covid lock down in a new country. No friends, no family. To say that I was devestated would be an understatement. I was red pill aware, and even used some of the things here to better myself, but turns out, there is a huge difference between reading and internalizing. I got the red pill shoved up my ass. Oh, and for good measures, I lost my job too. All my life I ever worked for two things, get good grades to get a decent job, and be a good husband/lover. I was a fucking idiot. I deserve everything that happened to me. My entire mental model of the world crashed. I am now slowly, but surely, rebuilding it, with me, my wants and my needs in the middle. My to dos: Right now, the number one goal in life is fitness, I am fat, so I will stop being fat. I already started training again and hopefully she'd the extra weight and build muscles. I won't bullshit you, it's hard. It's hard sticking to a diet, especially when ur suicidally depressed. But lately I have been fighting harder, and while not adhering 100%, I try to limit my binges and not destroy my progress. For the record, I use CICO and keto for diet, stronglifts 5x5 and some YouTube training for fitness. Second goal is rebuild my social circle. It's amazing how losing in life can make people leave, and I spent the last year alone. Pretty much alone. That level of loneliness does something to you, but being 30 and in that loneliness made me not fear it. I am willing to be alone, so won't compromise on the quality of people I surround myself with. 3rd is my life mission. Work, job, vocation, whatever you name it. I want to start my own business, but I discovered that I am scared shit less, a grade A coward. I don't know how to beat this yet, but I plan to, and plan to be more rich and successful. I tasted poverty and tasted having money. Fuck poverty. Currently I am re reading the side bar, devouring the side bar series by Rian stone (that opened my eyes to how fucking weak I was, and what I can do about it), taking a philosophy course, and dabbling in tinder (shit results) and rebuilding my wardrobe/hobbies. There you have it boys, any advise, any plans, anything is more than welcome. Insults are welcome too, as I grew a thick skin,. Tear me a new asshole, God knows I deserve it.",,29,throwawaypain345,2020-11-25 11:59:40 askMRP,jvs06x,How do the older men here avoid dead bedroom situation ?,"A woman's libido starts declining once she's past her peak fertile years and goes through several hormonal changes from her late 20s to 40s/50s i.e till menopause. Unlike women, men don't have fertility window. As long as we are physically active and follow a diet rich in animal foods, we can have sex even in our 80s and 90s. So what are the challenges did you deal with in sexual relationship as your woman went through these cycles ? How did you avoid or overcome dead bedroom situation esp. with a peri/post-menopausal wife ?",,25,RSK_94,2020-11-17 12:17:12 askMRP,junjh1,"It's over - my oneitis no longer loves or respects me, and its all my fault.","37. 5'6''. 100kg ~BF35+ (Visual) Lifts(kg) (3×5): SQ120, D110, BP67.5, OP46.25, BR70. NMMNG, MMSLP, MAP, WISNIFG I've been ""red pill aware"" for ~10 months, and obviously I've just dicked around for that time and failed to apply anything in any meaningful way. All I've done is some lifting, but I let that slide and got even fatter over lockdown. Just over 2 years ago I got myself a cute 18yo girl. I was kinda trad con but not Christian or anything. I liked her because she's gorgeous and sweet, absolutely fucking obsessed with me, and she was really up for settling down young and having a big family. Plus she doesn't drink or do drugs. However she does have severe anxiety issues and hypochondria, as well as a poor relationship with her father. I was a pothead at first (for 20 years), but although I managed to come off that within 2 months of getting with this girl, I've not managed to shake myself out of that lazy lifestyle. I never got a proper career, I just coasted off, and became a full partner in the small family business my parents started, because it was an easy paycheck. But COVID killed the business so I've been struggling to find something to replace it. (Though honestly I've hardly been trying). But despite all my own shortcomings, I think we would've been fine. What really killed it was the fact that instead of STFU and working on my MAP, as her anxieties got worse I blamed and criticised her and let her anxieties become my anxieties. I finished with her because I was afraid I couldn't cope with her issues, and then I'd take her back out of guilt and a scarcity mindset. I completely failed to be the Oak, and now she doesn't want me because she has no trust or respect for me, and probably no love either. I'm a fucking loser and I alienated the one girl who was into me, and now I've got to start from scratch. Literally from scratch. Wish I was just coming out of school, because now I'm a single fat guy pushing 40. Oh yeah, this is the second relationship I've fucked up in this way. I also have a 7 year old daughter from the last one, who I've not seen in a year because I'm too much of a faggot to be able to deal with her psycho mother without sperging out.",,0,[deleted],2020-11-15 15:27:03 askMRP,juel0z,Things were nuked but not by me.,"Whelp here goes. Did an OYS like two days ago; situation evolved from there and just looking for advice or for a pointer in the right direction. I'm only 20 so I've got plenty of time to figure things out. I'm also a software developer who has consistently worked from home. Long story short; wife and I separated in August; decided to divorce at the end of September because of something she said. Whelp when I went and got all my stuff I offered her a choice; whether to go to therapy and work things out with me or to go on her way and we can get a divorce. I'd just finished NMMNG the night before and realized I wanted to give her the chance to work things out. I'm intent on being a father and having a LTR: thus wanting to make things work with the wife I already had. So she comes to me after I get all my stuff out, am getting ready to sleep at a hotel I got and wants to tell me about Chad. Given how she talked about him it was clear that despite (according to her) they'd only had a study date and a few text messages and hadn't talked in a week at that point. I just did some STFU and listened. Told her that she can't have Chad and I so she needs to make a decision either way. Gave her as much time as she needed. Anyways; she chooses to work things out, so she says. I ask her how she's going to deal with Chad. She wants to meet up with. I DEER and waffle because guess what; I'm not okay with that. Give her a call back; tell her my boundaries stand and they're more important than her hamster. (more politely than that) Next day I give her two calls; she answers the second, tell her she needs to decide, she agrees to end things over text with Chad. Fast forward next day; I ask if she's dealt with Chad yet. She decides I'm always angry at her and ends things. There's a lot of shit that could be unpacked from that; but what I really want is advice to move on and rock life without her when I've really fucked myself with her as my emotional center and how to fix that as rapidly and efficiently as possible and how best to pursue an eventual LTR moving forward.",,1,draconis2987,2020-11-15 02:44:10 askMRP,jthtnm,Working with her shame?,"A pattern I'm seeing is that when I correct wife, she is compliant without protest, and often agrees that what I'm correcting her on needs correcting (e.g., when she's being a teenager). Especially in those cases, during next few hours, she exhibits mild, if any, moodiness. But a pretty significant shit test comes a couple hours later (usually in the form of a windy text that makes some weird unreasonable demand ""going forward""). I think the shit tests are somehow related to the shame of having to be corrected. Maybe she's testing whether I can really keep disciplining her or whether I'll cave, maybe not. I don't mind (and kind of enjoy) these type of shit tests. But I think we'd have a more intimate relationship if she could take the correction without shame (if that's what it is). Do any of you have similar observations about your wife's apparent shame, and have any of you worked with it (whether reducing it or directing it) to improve the relationship? Also, for those of you who are ""so fucking attractive"" that your wife ""never misbehaves"" because she's ""chasing the prize,"" this post is not soliciting your advice, but we're all glad to see you remind us of this fact anyway. So, welcome. ;-)",,1,fireBadMeGood,2020-11-13 15:38:38 askMRP,jrdx0w,5x5 Stronglift Question,"I've been lifting my own routine for 11 months now and overall pleased with my results, but want to give the 5x5 Stronglift a shot to get similar or better results with 1-2 days less lifting per week. My question is this: should I really start at the ridiculously low numbers that the app suggests? Example: I'm up to 3 sets of 5x215 on my bench press 2-3 times per week. The app says I should start at 110. For barbell row I'm doing 110x8 three times and the app says to start at 60. Will I lose muscle if I go this low or am I risking injury if I start at close to my current weights?",,7,keepingittogether20,2020-11-10 04:05:31 askMRP,jr52wv,Arming the nuke,"**Preface - arming the nuke:** OYS doesn’t go up until tomorrow, but I have a timely update and would like as much feedback as possible, and bro-hugs if anyone has them in them. I drafted the OYS below over the weekend, before I found the last piece of the puzzle that ties everything together confirming the affair: my wife’s call/text logs, which are unfortunately inaccessible from the account owner on Google Fi. I had to gain discrete access to my wife’s laptop which has the Google account saved. My wife is 100% having an affair, and doing her best to pretend that everything is good between us, despite popping red flags *everywhere.* Lately, these have grown to outdoor phone calls (new), and an hour long phone call in a parking lot near our house on Sunday that she omitted from her going-out story, and as I pressed, sidestepped who she was talking to. She texts Chad right in front of me at home/night, and talks to him on her way to/from work and her whole lunch break. The logs confirmed that it was Chad. They’ve had over 40 hours of calls and 89 text messages, all in the two weeks since she returned from her out of town trip. I get the occasional racy pic/video from my wife, which she’s no doubt taking for Chad. And I know exactly who Chad is. I had my initial consultation with an attorney today, following my confirmation, and am going to file asap. I will not have her served until I have a job locked down, hopefully in the coming weeks. I’m going to get divorce-raped, hard, because her income is 15% of mine. In the meantime, I am acting like everything is cool. I’m going to try to cum on her face a few times, but I’m not tipping my hand until papers are served. I already called the bank to ensure that she does not have access to the accounts that hold our savings, and removed her as an authorized user on our joint credit card. My passwords were changed a while back after I noticed my wife’s secrecy. I’m not hiding our money, just mitigating potential damages. I’ve read a divorce prep guide on MRP, and will dig it up again. If anyone has something to add, please do. I’m in Texas, if it helps. I want primary custody (55/45) because my wife does not know how to run a household, and I want to make the decisions regarding our daughter’s wellbeing. I am fine with our division of our limited assets, and would like to limit alimony as much as possible (maybe a pipe dream). I’m probably not going to post regularly to OYS while I’m going through separation, but I will be lifting and reading to continue upping my SMV. I didn’t want things to end this way, but the signs have been there for a long time. It’s a huge relief to get confirmation that I’m not a crazy person. It’s also a huge relief that my future experiences with women will be on my terms, with what I’ve learned here. Thanks to the community, contributors, and sidebar book authors. I think my original OYS draft for tomorrow is worth leaving intact. I’m including it below as a lesson to other men on *how deceptive your wife will be* while she’s getting plugged by someone else. Trust your gut. If there’s smoke, there’s fire. \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ **Original** OYS #5 ([previous](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/jn6kmc/own_your_shit_weekly_november_03_2020/gaznng3/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3))**:** **Stats:** Age 37 - 5’9” - 184.4# (-3.4) - together 18 years, married 11, to wife (36) - one child (11). **Read:** NMMNG, MMSLP **Reading:** MAP, WISNIFG **Partial, parked:** TRM, Bigger Leaner Stronger **Physical:** Running StrongLifts 5x5 from the beginning for 4 weeks, accelerated schedule: SQ 150# (+65), BP 115# (+50), BR 95# (+10), OHP 80# (+15), DL 165# (+30). I was severely impatient with the SL 5# progression, so I’m adding 10# each session (+20# to DL) to accelerate the program to my strength. I also increased my SQ and BP +50# on Saturday because I could. I’ll resume 5# steps when I approach my limits. Lifting is fucking theraputic. I added more recovery time to my 3x8 barbell curls. Working up from 50# to 55#. u/Cam_Winston21 advised me to stop curling every 2 days, so I reduced it to every 4 days with SQ/OHP/DL, and I’ve been able to progressively add weight. I’ve added core work on rest days. I’m still walking daily, and hiking twice a week. **Mental:** I’ve been working on my overthinking (still bad, but improving) and being my own point-of-origin (much better). I was in a pretty rough place early in the week (more on that later), so it wasn’t easy. I’m getting better at recognizing when I’m doing it, and moving myself into something more productive. The things I’m overthinking are those that need to be resolved, so I’m determining what *good* looks like, setting goals, and working toward them. It’s really hard for me to let go of the idea that I could be getting cucked, even though I’m not looking for it. Where there’s smoke, there’s fire, and there’s a lot of smoke. Am I being placated to keep me from sniffing out the truth? I feel a need to know, because I don’t want to continue dedicating time/energy/resources being married to someone willing to do that. If it isn’t true, I’m still dedicating time/energy/resources to someone who doesn’t satisfy me. There is no chance of coming back from the former, but the latter deserves my effort before I make an irreversible decision. So I stay the course. I reset every day. My ego has been a barrier for me. This is probably from having been very successful with what I would consider to be a moderate amount of effort. I have taken some failures pretty hard in the past, and my ego then inhibits my growth. I am using the reality that I’m not where I want to be in life to dissolve my ego and better harness that feedback loop. **Social:** I hiked with my close friend, and we got into the weeds regarding my home life and what his divorce from his first wife looked like for him. One of the strong looking lawyers I’d researched on my own is the same one he used and recommends. They sound like ninjas compared to some others I’ve looked into. I reached out to them, and am going to go through with a consultation. If I don’t need them, great, but if I do, I’ve established the relationship. **Relationship:** One of my wife’s relatives suddenly fell ill and passed away last week. I offered support and comfort, and was mostly pushed away. It was hurtful, but it wasn’t my situation to be in pain over. I kept calm. I spent a few evenings reading in bed while my wife stayed as distracted as possible to avoid crying. I suggested leaning into the feelings rather than trying to avoid them, and gave space and privacy to grieve. I got a few apologies and was told that I hadn’t done anything wrong. I started seeing a return to normal in the days following the passing (acceptance), and we started becoming affectionate and playful again. I’ve been told a few times recently “I feel like a bad mom/wife,” and have shrugged or STFU in response. I think it’s time for me to establish boundaries, by pressing for why, and confirming that it is unattractive behavior, and that I expect better. I think that would be effective in overtly disapproving the behavior, and implying the consequence. It’s less aggressive than just tossing disapproval grenades around, and with enough authentic praise for good behavior, I can avoid becoming a disapproval minefield. I’ve never been assertive in our relationship - doormat nice guy. As my confidence increases, I’m finding it easy to say no, or to ask my wife to do things for me. It should come as no huge surprise that my reasonable requests are gladly fulfilled. Where a get a huge boner out of it though, is when the response is a playfully submissive “did I do good?” with batted eyes, or “yes sir!” I really want to encourage and have fun with this - it’s sexy as fuck. I woke up early Saturday, and went to read on the couch. I’m usually up first and make our coffee in the morning, but I felt like having fun. When I heard my wife get up and head to the bathroom, I texted asking her to make us some coffee, bring mine to me, wiggle her booty, plant a kiss, and sit with me. I received full service with a smile. We had a morning family hike, grabbed food, and while I was getting my lifts in, my wife was getting ready to go hit wineries with a female friend for the afternoon/evening. I got a nice goodbye kiss while I was still lifting in the garage and jamming metal, which seemed to be a turn-on. We haven’t had sex for a week or so with the unfortunate passing and shark week starting, but with the heavy mood lifting, I don’t want to appear politely unhorny during shark week. I had a pretty impressive hard-on due to some Instagram surfing after my lifts, so I hopped in bed naked and snapped a mighty fine dick pic. I didn’t know how or when I was going to send it; I haven’t sent one before. I’ve received nudes, so it seemed like fair game. >Me - Hey > >W - Hey what’s up? > >Me - Do you want to know what’s up? > >W - Haha quit being dirty lmfao > >Me - \[throbbing\_dong.jpg\] > >W - Omgggg! > >Me - **💋** Dropped like a bomb right at the start of girls night. **Family:** My last family section was a big back-patting session for myself, so I decided to work harder. I’m focusing on improving my daughter’s autonomy and ownership with school. I’ve started extracting myself from the school day by being more directive and less hands-on. I’m not going to spend my energy pushing work completion, but I’m available for help when asked. I’m making incremental changes to set a new tone, and it has worked very well so far. This is going to be crucial after I return to work, as I won’t have the time to oversee the school day like I have been. **Career:** I’m currently a candidate with two companies. I interviewed with a startup that sounds like they can give me what I want, and has really stellar benefits, impressive advisory board, and solid capital. While this opportunity will be outside of my comfort zone for a while, it’s starting to feel like the stronger move, and I can afford the risk. My first round interview went incredibly well, and the second round interview is this week. The other active opportunity would be a return to my prior job, which pays *extremely* well and has great benefits. That interview is scheduled for next week. Either opportunity would be a huge win. **Mission:** Live my life for myself, and share it with others whose company I enjoy. **Be fun.** Remain committed to self-improvement. Enjoy work, challenge others, and constantly evaluate myself. Take risks. Enjoy the world; be adventurous. Lead my family from a place of strength, warmth, and security.",,13,[deleted],2020-11-09 20:02:55 askMRP,jr0rrj,More Anal Training,"Happy Monday Apparently it is time for all of us to get fucked in the ass now that our boy Trump lost. Fucking asshole and his toxic masculinity cost him the election. Why couldn't he learn to just STFU? Guys will stop fucking the pretty girl if she talks to much. No one likes verbal diarrhea. Even from the commander in twitter chief. Lets all rub our prostates together in a moment of silence.",,3,red-sfpplus,2020-11-09 16:29:16 askMRP,jqhr3z,Want to buy a boat....wife going thermonuclear,"Stats 43. 3 kids 8-12. Married 15 years. 5 11 192 15% bf Lifting for 3 years. Running 531 5+ lifts from last week Bench 200 x 8 Squat 215 x 10 Ohp 115 x 8 Physique is on point. Catch and release gym bunnies with minimal effort. Found MRP 3 years ago. Sidebar complete. Love Deida and WISNIFG. This place has helped me take my life to another level and I’m loving every minute of it. Finances: Net worth is $1.1mil. Base income $150. High cost of living area unfortunately so it doesn’t go real far. Budget enables ongoing savings, retirement and college funds, but comes with trade offs such as I drive an older vehicle, I put a stop to most home ‘upgrades’, etc. Wife SAHM, but gets some assistance from her folks for kids sports, music lessons, vacations, etc. Issue: The issue at hand is I am considering getting a fishing boat. Fishing is one of my passions. Had a boat at one point years ago and got rid of it when the kids came (good little beta!) Now I want to get one again. Going to split with my dad so the total cost is less than $10k. Brought up to my wife a week ago. Let her know I was serious about it. Standard shit tests but I fogged those pretty well. Went to look at one a few hours away yesterday and came back to a nuclear shit storm. All types of emotional manipulation like I would expect, but the duration and severity of it has me surprised. She is obviously bringing up the financial aspect. Can’t afford it, I am not letting her buy a new shed, etc. I get that she sees a threat to her resources. She has made some comfort type comments; she doesn’t want me gone more, you don’t care about me because you haven’t scheduled our next getaway weekend, at one point she even said I never really cared about her! She also brought up divorce indirectly, saying she may as well just take the kids, one look shut that down, so then she said well maybe she should just leave. Honestly I would not be totally torn up if we did divorce. On one hand, I do like her. She is a great mother, homemaker, responsible with money. Great family environment for the kids. Sex is on demand and she is still in great shape. On the other hand, there is a ton of hot young pussy out there to be had. So gentlemen, my question to you is do I have a blind spot around this boat? Am I making an idiotic financial decision? Am I interpreting her womenese correctly? Does that even matter? Appreciate the feedback.",,18,Useful-Layer3106,2020-11-08 19:27:10 askMRP,jo2zv9,Need Some Advice,"Here Goes Nothin This is my first post ever on Reddit. I am doing it under a brand new username in order to ensure anonymity. I am 46 yrs old. Married 19 years to 45 yr old wife. 2 teenaged kids. Read NMMNG (2x), all of Rollo’s books, WOTSM, WISNIFG, Book of Pook, 12 Rules for Life, MMSLP, Currently Reading: MAP LIFTS: Height: 6’1” Weight: 190; Squat 260 5x5; BP 150 5x5; Barbell Row 130 5x5; Deadlift 230 5x5; OP 100 5x5 Never thought I would post here because none of the shit would ever happen to me. Hell, I was in a sexless marriage, but I just needed to up my game at home. No way my wife would ever cheat, branch swing, or even consider either. She is a good girl and always has been. Faithful, comes from a good family, a great mother, my friends and family love her and thinks she walks on water (and hers does too for that matter), we have a life together and no matter what, shit would never get to that point, right? Wrong, dumbass, AWALT!!!!! Let me back it up. I became interested in RP because of my sexless marriage.....plain and simple. When I first began dabbling in this community just a few months ago (May 2020), I started to apply some of the principles and began working my way through the sidebar. As I began working on myself, sex improved at home a LOT! Our relationship seemed to be improving as a result. Hell, it still sort of feels that way. RP helped me realize that I had gotten very complacent and comfortable with our relationship. Truly a drunk captain. So I started lifting, reading, and working on dread game. Well, just when I thought I was figuring this shit out.......I got hit by a fucking MACK truck just over 1 week ago. In short, I am 95% sure that she has had an affair with someone from work. It had to have been before COVID because we have been locked down working from home for months in a fairly restrictive state. I do not know how long it was going on for, but they worked together for a couple of years. She has had no in-person-contact with Chad since the lockdowns began in March (none that I know of but pretty sure of that). I think that helped separate them enough for them to agree to end it. I am basing that assumption on part of a phone conversation that I overheard just one week ago. She was talking to Chad during the work day and I overheard just enough. That one really confirmed some extremely vague suspicions that I began to develop since I have been viewing things through the RP lens. When I say vague, I mean just wracking my brain to see if the possibility of cheating existed at all for her.....in general. I cannot guarantee that this is more than an emotional affair, but I am accepting the fact that it most likely was physical. I have no solid proof and I have been carefully snooping around for some evidence since overhearing their convo, but I DO NOT YET WANT HER TO KNOW THAT I KNOW! Plus, I know she will deny, cry, rationalize, and everything else that makes AWALT. I want to play this right and I want to do what is best for me and my kids. This is all still pretty fresh on my mind and I am not ready to commit to any particular course of action. I can’t even articulate how shocked I am that this person would do this. I really thought I had a unicorn even after learning that there is no such thing as unicorns. However, I have not ruled anything out in terms of what I will do. If not for kids, I would be going to a divorce attorney tomorrow. Thats for damn sure. But I am not sure I can pretend that I don’t know for much longer. Trying to avoid going Rambo. How the hell can she do that and still act like nothing happened? (Rhetorical question smart asses!!!!). So I realize I am still dealing with anger and a variety of emotions. However, I know that I would have royally fucked this up if I hadn’t found RP before my discovery. I would have confronted her immediately and argued, fought, cursed, made idle threats, etc. In other words, I am grateful for that and I am open to any advice. I have not told anyone about this yet as I am still processing, but I needed to vent here to strangers to get some honest feedback first. I don’t know who I can trust at this point. Shit is crazy in 2020. My plan before hearing any responses is to keep working on myself. Plus, I am not naive enough to think that I am not naive if that makes sense. My lifting schedule began back on August 1st in my home gym in our basement. I am looking to ramp it up. Looking to shift to something other than 5x5 but not sure what is best, so any advice there would be great. Also, need to read more diligently and really be willing to push some boundaries. Have at i",,16,sucka_chump,2020-11-04 19:19:28 askMRP,jn23t6,"To post, or not to post, OYS","I see a lot of OYS posts by people who haven't read the prerequisites - their posts are generally of lower quality. Disclaimer: I'm one of them. I posted my OYS #001 because I was hungry for MRP wisdom as feedback for immediately consideration in my current decision making. Does the MRP community prefer that members like myself who are short on reading/lifting post questions directly to r/askMRP instead? Just trying to navigate what the right thing is for the community. 5R",,11,5ive_Rivers,2020-11-03 02:32:38 askMRP,jn0ug5,Salary negotiation strategy,"So this isn't usually what we talk about here, but fuck it. I need input. Entering negotiations for a position that combines two technical skillsets. This combination is uncommon, so hard to baseline. A few results from glassdoor etc gave me pretty wide margins, based on what looks like the closest match to the skill combination in question. It's also a 100% remote role, so I don't know if I should compare salaries to my location or where the company is based. The skill combination is in high demand, but this would be my first job in such a role. So I'm kind of entry level, but in an advanced field. I have a bottom line number in mind, based on the margins from research, and my current salary. but I don't want to under-sell myself either. My strategy so far is to try and draw an initial offer out of them and work toward what I want, but I also feel like a more assertive approach might get better results. Is it better to let them open with an offer and work up to what I want, or should I roll in with a high number up front and work down to my bottom line through counter offers?",,9,ancient_resistance,2020-11-03 01:16:54 askMRP,jm0l38,Kid can’t spend time with his ill grandmother,"Tl;dr: My mother who lives far away from us has cancer and is getting worse and worse. I want her to spend time with our 1 year old baby. Wife doesn’t like my mother, so my mother can’t see much to our child. Basics: * Age: 27 * Married for 3 years, together for 4 * One kid (M), 1 year old * Very new to MRP (2 weeks). Reading: * Half through the side bar * On chapter 4 in NMMNG. * Learning: There is more filth in nice guy behaviour than I thought (resentment, dishonesty, etc.) * 48LoP * Learning: Always adhering to moral values are not always the most effective to achieve results. Life and social dynamics are complex and dynamic and such should your strategy in navigating the world be as well. Physique: * 181 cm, 74 kg, 18 % BF (digital scale) * No lifting yet * Stopped snacking and started keeping to three healthy meals a day * Use calorie counter. &#x200B; My MRP progress/status in relationship: * I am very beta but I have taken small steps to improve: * She wanted a spinning bike in our apartment. I said “no” straight and cold. She got offended and I thought I was going to get the silent treatment. But she was happy again after 10 minutes * Telling her which house chores to do while I am at work to start showing her that I am in control in the household. She has responded well * I am scared of conflict. Both with her and my family members and friends. Not shy of conflict at work or in public. &#x200B; Story in bullet points: * Wife doesn’t like my mother * Got worse when baby arrived * Wife thinks my mother doesn’t like her since she from time to time says something salty, suggestive and criticising about her or how she lives her life * Wife is right about the things my mom says to her. My mom - I have realised - has always done that to everybody, and I just haven’t noticed. She does it to me and my siblings but none of us are as sensitive as my wife * Having a hard time deciding if I need to tell my wife suck it up or to tell my mom she needs to show more kindsness/respect to my wife * Mom has had cancer (incurable) for two years * Cancer has gotten rapidly worse recently, and it seems she doesn’t have as much time left as we thought * My mom is very keen on spending time with my kid as grandmothers are. She was family oriented before the decease but has become even more so now * My mom recently invited all three of us to visit her where she lives. My wife responded by saying she didn’t want to have a relationship with her * I have told my wife that I will not have her denying my son a relationship with his grandmother which she said she of course wouldn’t. But practically, that is how it is. I can’t travel the huge distance to visit my mother with my kid without my wife. The kid is dependent on his mother and is still breast fed. * My wife generally doesn’t like my family. She tries to find excuses for us not to visit them at events and such which hurts me. But it is ofc the worst when it comes to my mother. Questions I ask myself and would like your input on: * How can I become more alpha and make my wife take the necessary measures so that my mom can see her grandson? * Is it fair to make my wife visit and stay over at someone who doesn’t treat her well? * If my mom should pass away without having seen more to my son, I think I would become so resentful to my wife that I would end up divorcing her anyway. Would it be better to just next her now and be more true to my principals and then stomach the fact that that will not increase the chances of my mom and my son seeing each other more?",,6,DigitalDiarrhea123,2020-11-01 11:11:25 askMRP,jkivun,I feel like a dancing monkey,"**Stats:** Age 37, 5’9”, 187#, 19.5% BF, 40.9% LBM. Married to wife (36) for 11 years, together 18, one child (11). Lifts are @ week 2 of SL 5x5 and still very easy. Squat 70#, BP 55#, BR 75#, OHP 55#, DL 115#. BP is the only lift I’ve pushed outside of the program - 125# 1RM, 5x5x115#. **Read:** NMMNG, MMSLP **Reading:** MAP, Bigger Leaner Stronger, WISNIFG (hold), TRM (hold) Bad sex last night made me question everything I’m doing. I told her (at work) earlier in the day how hard I’d gotten thinking about her (truth), and then the evening was kind of shit as far as connecting goes. I’d have been fine going without, but she insisted. The sex felt really inauthentic, disconnected, and I wasn’t able to finish. I gave up. My wife asked if she had done anything that turned me off, and at the moment I didn’t know what happened, I was just frustrated. I wanted to quickly move on, so I blamed it on the room being hot (it was), and we moved on to cuddling and sleep. As I was falling asleep, my mind was drifting, and I started to see my behavior in the third-person, with the profound kind of visibility a mushroom trip gives. I started to feel like a dancing monkey, and that my wife is throwing me cookies to keep it going. I started to question the authenticity of all of the affection and sex I’ve been receiving. A lot of it has been *really* good (as noted in [my last OYS](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/jix5d0/own_your_shit_weekly_october_27_2020/ga9ktn4/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)), so I could have just been tired, frustrated, and self-loathing. I got shit for sleep, woke up at 3:30am today. I meditated earlier, and the thoughts that entered my head were mainly around trying to secure a job, and questioning what I really want out of life. I still really don’t know. The big efforts I take on seem to be in an effort to feed my ego. Lifting weights, having a high paying job, having lots of sex, big house. The level of effort I put into these things feels like a covert contract expecting to be desired, approved of, loved. Then I start achieving things and feeling like I don’t deserve them, or feel unfulfilled. After meditating, I journaled the events of prior days in an effort to get some insight into why I’m feeling lost. I have been frustrated by my wife’s behavior: late-to-the-game-party-girl persona, social media obsession/validation seeking, lack of contribution at home, and seemingly superficial interest in me. I stopped beating myself up so hard after realizing that she could also be getting bad sex pointers from her girlfriends, who she likes to talk about our sex with. If so, I’m fucking them by proxy and it will feel inauthentic. That realization also means that my wife is fucking all of you by proxy - gross ;) I need to reflect harder on what I want my life to look like if I hope to feel congruent. I’m leading somewhat blindly right now, but I am leading, which is a big change from a few months ago. Maybe the work is paying off, and I’m too autistic to fully appreciate the rewards. I was able to dig up [Good sex requires Emotion](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/a9pxnh/good_sex_requires_emotion/), and [The “Dancing Monkey” Attraction Improvement Programme](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/74yepr/the_dancing_monkey_attraction_improvement/), which helped me gain some perspective. It’s early days for me, so help me find my blind spots. I don’t think what I’m going through mentally is unique to me, especially at this early stage.",,11,[deleted],2020-10-29 21:12:22 askMRP,jjlm18,Completely messed up,"To keep it short, I \[34\] and my wife \[33\] got married 3.5 years back and we know each other from 5 years. After about 6 months in our marriage I got to know that she was fixated on a guy during her teens. It was one sided as she was not able to relay her feelings to him. This led her into severe depression which converted into OCD and psychotic behaviour. Psychiatrist gave her ECT's to help her stabilize. Things got better, she finished her degree and all, got better mentally. 5 years back we met through an acquaintance. We clicked very well. We had good sex, we were happy, it was all love. She proposed me for marriage. But she and her parents never told me about her illness until we got married. After knowing this I lost my control, got super angry. We had fights, she kept talking and thinking about him. And boom, after 6 months in our marriage, she got another psychotic attack where she lost touch of the reality. It was in 2018. I kept calm during her treatment. When that phase ended she blaimed me for everything, sex was gone, we rarely hugged or kissed. I was very much depressed. To give it second chance I started searching internet and landed on RedPill and MRP. Read NMMNG, MAP, MMSLP, joined a gym, got a better job, dressed pretty well. Read the sidebar. Good things came back partially I would say. And then COVID happened. She went to her ailing mother to take care for her. She was with her family for 4 months, without any physical contact with me due to lockdown. Once lockdown lifted, we rented a new house and shifted. But this time things were very different, she was into a different state of mind. She acted as if I dont exist, she was doing her own things, talking to herself, looking at walls for hours and what not. Two weeks back she told me that she dont want to live with me and left me. She went to her parent's house. Without listening my part her parents fought with me for treating her daughter like that. It really freaked me out, I threw my house keys there and left. ( I rented a single room for myself for the time being) I am not able to comprehend what wrong I did and what can be my plan of action now. I really love her. I know divorce is an option here but my heart and mind is going against it. P.S: As per her recent diagnosis, her psychosis has developed into schizophrenia. From past 14 years she's on medication. Also, she has never contacted or tried talking to that guy. It was just one sided fixation.",,6,guturgosh,2020-10-28 10:57:57 askMRP,jjfieu,Sidebar link wont load,"In the r/marriedredpill sidebar the first of two links referring to acronyms does not load. The reddit symbol rotates relentlessly. The second link works as do all others. Is this a problem for others, or is it just a massive file to load? (I'm 2 weeks fresh to MRP and RP in general; currently reading the prerequisites, starting with WISNIFG).",,0,5ive_Rivers,2020-10-28 02:24:16 askMRP,jip3pp,"Wife expects me to lead her through nearly all aspects of her life, and gets upset when I am unable to deliver","Recently my wife and I had a baby. before the baby came our relationship was pretty stable, mainly because she had a job, I was at work, and this gave us some independent time and allowed us to experience things throughout our day that we could share with each other when the day was done. She doesn't really have any hobbies, other than watching the office and smoking weed with her friend, as well as going to the gym (which I got her into) and baking once or twice a week. I on the other hand, used to fill my spare time up with weights, hiking, archery, shooting, political debate, cooking, orienteering, mechanics (replaced about every part on my jeep) offroading, and just recently I started learning to code. (trying to balance myself out with some more intellectual pursuits.) I offer to include my wife in all of the above, and she declines. But after the baby, she complains that I don't spend enough time with her, or give her enough attention. Her definition of attention is me thinking of something for the both of us to do, (none of the above, because she doesn't have any interest in them) presenting the idea to her, talk her into accepting if she's not 100 interested, planning everything it takes to implement that idea, and then executing while she is just along for the ride. It's gotten so bad that the workload of helping her with the house and baby, along with being expected to keep her entertained has caused me to stop most of those hobbies and sent me into a sort of depression. She's recently expressed that she's upset that she has to stay home and take care of the baby while I run errands for the baby, grocery shop, go to the gym, or run to the gas station on the corner to get a tin of pouches. That's right; going to the gas station for ten minutes she is upset by. Never mind that she has gone out with her friend several times in the three weeks since the baby was born, had her father come up to visit for a weekend, and could go out and do whatever she wanted with me watching the little one if she asked. No, she chooses to stay at home and expect me to entertain her. When I told her that I can't be expected to maintain this workload, she said that I ""don't understand how taxing breastfeeding at night is."" I want to stay married as I got a lot of enjoyment out of marriage, and I truly do love her, but she's pulling me very thin, and I've kind of shut down as a result. Which she has taken issue with because I'm not being affectionate enough. How do I get her to stop expecting me to handle her entertainment and prevent her boredom when she won't do anything about it herself? TL;DR: Wife expects me to be responsible for her entertainment. I can't be a husband and entertainer at the same time, when she refuses to develop her own hobbies or take part in mine. please offer guidance.",,17,[deleted],2020-10-26 22:41:11 askMRP,jij8lp,Messed up a little . How do I move forward?,"stats: 5' 6"" , 205 lbs , 43 year old . Not doing lifts right now. But for past 6 months working with athlean-x body weight exercises. Am barely able to finish the basic session . Lost 10 lbs in last 6. months/ books: NMMNG - Respect yourself. Make your needs a priority. WISNIFG - Be assertive without being a dick. Don't get manipulated into doing things you don't want to do. Rational Male ( few articles ) - Women are different and often irrational. grooming: Working on wearing better clothes . Started keeping a pony tail which my wife hates but other friends specially women have complemented a lot on. social: Feel comfortable talking to other women and in general social . But don't seek out social interactions , mainly because busy with current job and working hard on career . other: Diagnosed with adhd 10 years ago . On mild medication , have been working with a therapist over 10 years. adhd very much in control though did a lot of damage to my relationship in the early years of our marriage. marriage: Married 11 years. only marriage. two kids 10 year old boy and 4 year old girl. My background - I was a typical ""nice guy"" most of my life . In the early years of our marriage my adhd was very noticeable and I keep messing up simple things . My wife took control over the house and did a lion's share of household work. I mostly just took care of the finances and career. She don't work right now. She did work for a year then quit when we had our daughter. She wants to work but doesn't put in much effort to find a job or update her skills. So far she has said she will look for work seriously when younger one is also in school full time. So I have been practicing a lot of STFU past few years but sometimes I just can't take it any more. Yesterday was one of those days and wanted to see how we can move forward from here. Yesterday was an important festival in our culture. She cooked the whole day . Our agreement in the morning was that she will do cooking and preparations while i take care of the kids. I was with the kids the whole day . In the evening I was playing a VR game with my son ( part of taking care of kids) . Things were ok till then. On a break from my game with my kids she suddenly decides she has been working hard while we are having fun. She tells me that. Then she gives me stern look with eyebrows raised , the kind of look she sometimes gives, like a head mistress rebuking a child for being naughty . Why are you playing games ... ( when you should be working on some serious play presumably) while I am working hard on preparing for the festival. Normally I try to laugh it off or exaggerate it , but her demeaning look really triggers me and this time I didn't. I blurt out - whats your problem ?. We were just having fun . Things go a little downhill from there. In my head I am spinning - What the hell. How can she be so disrespectful and demeaning specially in front of the kids. I must keep my nuts intact . Must not let her do this. She's ruining things for us. So I continue playing game with my son . Then she screams at my son when I took a little restroom break. I say nothing. Anyhow , after a few minutes we do the festival prayers and have our dinner. I keep a normal tone and even comment on how good the food turned out. But inside am still fuming. Bedtime , I talk to my son for a few minutes in bed. This is normal but according to her its past bedtime and I should stop talking . So she stands in the doorway giving me a stern look again. I am getting pissed so I tell her glaring back at her - ""I need a minute with my son. "" . Then I finish talking to my son and say goodnight . This kind of thing has been going on since a long time. When she has wants to chat with the kids , all bedtime rules go out the window. In general all this rule making and scolding me when I break the rule used to happened a lot more earlier . It has reduced a lot past few years but she still tries to do this whenever she wants. Anyways, later she ""tells"" me to take our daughter and get her to sleep since she was not sleeping . She also made some sarcastic demeaning comments which I can't even remember right now. At this point I start engaging her with ""what is your problem?"" . She goes - "" You are my biggest problem. Then she raises her finger in that rebuking expression and starts saying you had one job..."" . As soon as I hear this and look at her finger raised and pointing at me I am fuming ... I take her hand and push it down and said "" Put your finger down while talking"". Since I never physically touch her during confrontations this shocks her and to some extent shocks me as well. Then she is like I don't want to talk to you in fact I don't want to talk to you ever again. She leaves the house for a walk. I just read a story to my daughter and she slept in my bed . We sleep in different beds. I used to just take this kind of crap earlier in the marriage. Recently I generally ""try"" to STFU or just walk away. But I don't think this has helped a lot. She still thinks this kind of behavior is perfectly ok. Don't really know how to respond to this. STFU or joking around just seems to makes me look weaker and if I give her back, it seems to just make things worse . Anyways , I feel like I can't take this crap anymore from her. I really want to just start over with a new life but my kids are still keeping me in this marriage. Part of me wants to try marriage counseling . But reading all the stuff about it , don't think it will help . Might actually make things worse. Now my problem is that once we are in this situation , how do we get back to a semblance of normality. Normality is important because otherwise she will just take her frustrations out on our kids and they suffer. If I try to joke around and pretend nothing happened things would just look weak and she will think I am trying to ""make it up to her"" and becomes even more condescending. If I just stop talking for a while because i really don't feel like talking to her , this is just continuation of a pattern in our relationship. Things aren't getting better and most of the time we just waste time fighting like this. Trying to reason with and explain to her is almost utterly useless , as I have learnt from experience. Pretending nothing happened feels pretty inauthentic too and then its just the same old rut . So what do I do? How do I move forward from here to get some normalcy so our kids don't suffer her wrath but at the same time hold on my self respect . I think I should have STFU but I lost it. So how do I move on from here and how do I help myself not lose control again when she does that eyebrow and rebuking again. She can be a very good person when she is not in this ""righteous indignation"" mode. She is usually a very good mother until a kid messes up the room or wouldn't eat what she wants them to eat or somehow breaks her ""rules"". Then she yells at them and is generally not a pleasant person to be around with. I want our life to improve and think our marriage is perhaps fixable but I don't know how to fix it. I want this disrespectful behavior to stop but so far whatever I seem to be doing doesn't seem to be working much. All the MRP stuff seems to be very passive . Just go work on yourself and lift and things will fall in order . What am I missing? Bring it on... Edit: Corrected some grammar. Please pardon my bad grammar . English is not my native language . Edit2: Got the message . Am not doing the work . Action Plan: Get home gym setup and lift. Work on diet , Read MMSL , understand and practice DEER , continue STFU , follow MAP.",,5,asaxena76,2020-10-26 17:45:23 askMRP,ji3uni,Do you have a best friend?,"I don't remember the last time I had a best friend. Curious how many guys have one. I have felt, for many years now, a low-grade depression. I do stuff I like to do, and generally live a pretty health life, lift (I'm on/off on this), and am in control of most aspects of my life. The biggest hole is meaningful male friendships. I have lots of buddies through golf and softball. I had joined a men's group but was too psuedo-spriritual for me. I'm more financially successful than most of the people I know and probably smarter, which makes connection a bit harder. Background I've been divorced for 6+ years now, and went through all the hideous, needy beta shit stretched out over about 8 years prior to that. Divorce was a mercy kill and has been a massive upgrade to my life. Since then I've dated a bunch of women, got my life together on paper - great house, great career, make a ton of money, no debt, hobbies, buddies, good dad, kids like and respect me, etc. Currently dating a women who works hard to keep me happy, I get abundant sex, she's smart, better looking than I am, and generally adds value. So this isn't about being alpha or holding frame. I think I'm just a little lonely and wondering if this is just how it is.",,22,phil_stein,2020-10-25 23:41:05 askMRP,jh8urw,Fucking confused.,"Stats. No lifts yet (Melbourne Australia is locked down. No gyms. Writing this feels like bullshit.) 175cm. 75kg. 1:30 plank, 15x push-ups, both I’d never tried before seeing mrp. Two sons 9 & 11 from ex wife. Sons struggle with mummyism. Wife 1.5 years married, 5.5 years together. Books. NMMNGx1 and 50% again. MMSLPx1. Dead bedroom fix. Passionate marriagex2 (where I started) Mental: typical mr nice guy. Tried all of the usual things - blaming, loss, struggling with how my behaviour impacted wifey. I have depression and anxiety related to issues with work but that’s a peak of the iceberg. It’s been there for ages. Almost all the early nice guy book applies. Sexual: wife on ssids and anti-anxiety. Has bpd “traits” apparently according to psych. Started relationship by making out with her while married. Explosion of sexual and relationship “buzz”. Big swings between love and “you’re fucking crazy” on both sides. Trying mrp: learning STFU. Trying to set boundaries. Trying to understand how my behaviour impacts my wife and kids. . Question: had a big thing tonight. Wife told eldest kid that “he’s her favourite” at bedtime, who is clearly her favourite. This is in response to his admission that staying at mums isn’t what he wants. He wants the consistency of our house. This degraded to a massive argument where her abusive history (which is fair and reasonable - it was fucked) and my NMMNG history which isn’t as blatant was brutally compared. My decision was to STFU, which resulted in escalation and a bunch of abuse about her life and my inability to understand. I’m not interested in a competition - hers wins in terms of shit childhood. This is not in question. My problem is that I don’t want my kids to be compared in terms of favourite. I want both to feel so loved that they both want to be here forever. How do I tell her that’s what I want? Thanks for the abuse and feedback. I’m expecting both. B How do I explain that it’s not a competition? That I want both",,9,throwawaywayway998,2020-10-24 13:24:07 askMRP,jgbdie,How to get rid of limiting mindset books or articles.,"During the last months, have been on Lexapro, it really helped me change a lot in my life, the point, I'm getting better but still have problems in financials. As a part of my journey been doing some introspection, before my first divorce money/power was very easy for me, when my divorce happened, financially i was very close to FIRE. After the divorce, whatever money i kept, spent it like it crazy, and been avoiding making money, deep down, my ego keeps associating money/success with divorce/gold digger ex-wife. I need some recommendations on books/blogs etc on either killing the ego or remove that association.",,6,turbospeedsc,2020-10-22 23:36:13 askMRP,jfy0l4,LTR will not stop complaining about life,"Pre-req: Been reading NMMNG. Bench: 200 | S: 185 | DL: 235 Been with LTR for 1 year 9 months. The beginning 6 months were okay. Ups and downs. Then after 6 months shit started getting rocky. Ever since then she always complains about the dumbest things. 1. She wants to sleep near the bedroom door, in case a shooter comes through the 2nd story window(?) 2. Doesn’t want me holding doors open for other people. 3. Hates that I spend time with my brother because he makes fun of her (never happened, she just makes shit about her). She’s a drama queen. AWALT. I just hate how annoying it is, and I usually eject and STFU, which makes it worse. Calls me a pussy or bitch, or worse, whenever something happens, and I don’t like it one bit. We moved in together before I started reading mrp (3 months ago) and I’m not sure what to do from here to lead a better relationship and have less complaints or intolerable words thrown at me.",,11,AnonDude4Reddit,2020-10-22 11:42:22 askMRP,jfju4j,May Rub Prostate,"Some retard asked what MRP stands for. I will tell you what it stands for. Hence forth, I declare that MRP stands for ""May Rub Prostate"" This place is about getting laid. It is about getting your needs met as a masculine man, and about building or finding a slut to do what you want. So either you fall into the newly defined MRP as a man who is already getting his prostate rubbed, or you shall soon be. Your woman is either the kind of girl who is OK with rubbing your prostate, or she shall soon be. I dont give a fuck about your fat, preggo wife who you fuck once a month and you get pity sex from maybe once a year. You are married? Excellent. You will take this woman and build her into the type of slut who is down with the brown and is ok rubbing that sweet prostate of yours. Fuck all this nonsense. You need to fucking lift so you can control your pelvic floor muscles so when that slut of yours goes three knuckles deep, its not a problem. Now someone sticky this motherfucker and lets get to work.",,44,red-sfpplus,2020-10-21 19:30:43 askMRP,jea7p5,The AskMRP Science Experiment has concluded. Conclusion: You're retarded.,"The 2020 AskMRP Science Experiment has been officially underway for the last month and is now completed. As a recap, some of the retarded questions asked were: * [Is she cheating on me?](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/izu2nl/is_my_wife_cheating_on_me/) * [I looked at pictures of girls with big asses on my phone and got caught. What should I do?](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/j07442/a_victim_puke/) * [Is Aaron Rodgers redpilled?](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/j26ebu/the_challenge/) * [I smoke a lot of pot everyday. Should I still go to couples therapy with my wife?](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/j2q24m/stfu_and_couple_therapy/) * [How is 24/7 D/s different from regular married redpill?](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/j4ev80/mrp_vs_24x7_married_ds/) * and so on... Hopefully you didn't click any of those links, otherwise you are now more retarded. &#x200B; **The results have been finalized and the following data sets have been complied.** I would represent them in the nice PowerBI report for the folks with a spot of 'tism, but I made them all up. Anyways here are the results: * 100% of people who made a post are, in fact, retarded. * 100% of people who invested more than 10 minutes for something other than humor on a post are, in fact, retarded. * 100% of the posters never got into /r/marriedredpill OYS threads even though we told them to. * 50% of people deleted their retarded posts. * 25% of people deleted their retarded accounts. * 100% of the vets had fun making fun of retards, including you. &#x200B; But then something unexpected happened as more and more posts were approved... the level of retard started getting out of control by the mods. At first it seemed innocent with /u/johneyapocalypse (an askMRP mod) making a post here - which made him *temporarily* but not permanently retarded. Then, posts were being auto approved at an alarming rate and we spent more time deleting posts than approving them. It was so retarded here that the auto-moderator went full retard - approving everything. &#x200B; **As the science experiment concludes I want to make sure I'm clear about the intention of this place:** AskMRP is the retard playpen. It is specifically designed to keep the retards here at AskMRP who want to ask retard questions and tell retard stories about retarded things so that everyone who reads them becomes more retarded and then gives retarded responses. This way, you can stay out of the weekly OYS thread over at MRP by being an askhole here. Maybe you'll get some good advice here on a particularly non-retarded question you ask, but the likelihood of you posting here at AskMRP with a non-retarded question is proven to be nearly 0% by this experiment. So if you want answers, do the work. Get into the OYS thread where you'll likely be banned at least once - and if you want to know why - just head on over here to AskMRP and ask why.",,50,HornsOfApathy,2020-10-19 20:37:12 askMRP,jcmxfh,Feeling Compelled to Leave You... a Love Letter...,"*Hello my darlings, I love you all. I want you to love me, too. I want you to understand me. I need you to understand me.* Such begins the private message I received - yet did not read - from our dear writer - [kendallb183](https://old.reddit.com/user/kendallb183) - [whom I banned earlier for a variety of reasons](https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/jcfqbt/still_learning_stfu/g91yb41/). Reader, help me understand and help OP atone for his sins. While I have not yet read his frothy fulminations, delivered via private message, you can, and in so doing, perhaps you can help me deliver him unto god: ----------- In the past week I have started working out, quit drinking, started taking care of the baby at night, started a diet by measured my TDEE creating a macro goal and caloric deficit, cleaned up lots of old house stuff from our move 6 months ago, I have worked out for 15 years so I know everything bro science there is to know about working out. I am only studying for a physical training because I want to take my 15 years of experience to the next level. I also decided part of owning my shit was to start medication and get rid of my man boobs from gyno, and to nut up and get the rotator cuff surgery ive been using as a crutch to not workout. It scares me shitless to have the surgery but in the interest of OYS I am going to do it for me. In a year ill be back to doing full work outs. I also contacted my old physical therapist to get workouts to start trying to fix my rotator cuffs before I get my SLAP tear surgery. f you see my post history you'll see my recent post asking about 5x5 workouts and giving advice to a 65 year old. I couldn't do that without the learning im doing now. I've been posting on reddit in many subreddits this week to learn more about every aspect of my life I want to expand to make a better me. Im grateful you only banned me for 30 days. I know its impossible but I'd like to ask that you lift the ban and I be allowed to ONLY post in OYS weekly for the next month. If I post anything else, perma ban me. I have been around for 3 years. I was with a very BPD wife who was diagnosed and treated by several docs for it. I had to leave Afghanistan and the war because she attempted suicide infront of me on Skype. I watched the police raid my house from Skype while her unconscious body laid there for like 15 minutes. I tried applying MRP to her which as you know and was posted BPD women are impossible to even do MRP with. So all my work there was fruitless. I realized today to although I don't know what STFU means... thats irrelevant now. I need to get my shit together before I even worry about that. Hence my edit. I decided I would only post to OYS for atleasy until I can get my BF to 15% and my bench back to my body weight. I asked someone this already but I would like a mentor and would be willing to pay $40 a week for one. They declined because they said they aren't fully developed themselves. You having a red beret, even if you don't unban me, I'd like to extend the offer to you. Even if your advice is keep lifting, ill do it and still pay you the $40. Eventually ill have waxed on and waxed off enough for you to be willing to help me understand the more complex things. I have mental disabilities which is why I was retired from the military, so yes I legit am a bit of a retard now. I had ECT and the seizures they gave me destroyed my short term memory. It also effected my ability to process information. So I do need a little more help. Either way, what ever you decide... this request may even make you decide to perma ban me now, but I am thankful for you giving me a second chance to come back in 30 days. I hope to atleast have cut 1 or 2% BF by then and be back to pressing 135 despite my SLAP tear and torn rotator cuffs in both shoulders. This past week has motivated me to do a lot of shit. And ill continue it. I used to be extremely in shape, 6% body fat and pressing a max of 405lbs. My BPD wife still was being psychotic so I never gained traction. I see now that I need to just work on myself again and when I get back to a decent point then start working on smaller things like AA and passing shit tests and identifying them instead of just being a dick to my wife. Anyways, thank you. ----------- What say you? Shall he sink or shall he swim?",,5,johneyapocalypse,2020-10-17 02:02:56 askMRP,jcfqbt,Still learning STFU,"Woke up today to a message from my friends wife about becoming a nurse practitioner, part of OYS is trying to learn for a career. My wife wakes up and sees it and says seriously this is what I wake up to? I finish reading the text I still text back despite my wife reacting. I say nothing. I wait a few minutes and tell her im going to the living room. She says I'm trying to sleep bring the baby. I tell her I've got things to work on I can't watch him. I have bills to make sure are paid ect so I wasn't lying. I've withdrawn attention in the house several times before and it doesn't make a difference. She comes in the living room sits on the other side of the room (out if character for her now she's withdrawing intentionally). I call my cousin and ask if I can walk next door and hang with him and he says sure. I go to find my computer and tell her im headed to aarons. She flips out and says wtf why? And I said whats wrong with seeing my cousin? (Trying to learn pressure flipping) she says we just woke up. I said whats wrong with seeing him when I wake up?(still trying to flip) she goes and pouts on the living room couch. I can't find my computer so she continues to try to rape my attention. She says it's sketchy that I was texting a girl (she ALWAYS gets jealous of this, no matter how platonic the relationship or how far away they live), and then want to go to my cousins. I may have deer'd here, but I said oh you mean my friends wife? Wanna see what we were talking about? And read to her dull monolog of like one line of what I said and what she said. (Very confident I shouldn't have done this, but whats your perspective) Then I find my computer and she asks me to bring the baby with me. I tell her im gonna be busy so I can't. Still true, I got bills to pay over there now. She continues to bitch. "" why are you leaving"" "" your leaving me alone"" "" what the fuck?"" And I just dont respond and head over to my cousins. I know I fucked up a lot probably. I may have gotten some parts right idk. Haze away. Edit. Alright I'm gonna stop going full retard. Plan, stop blowing this sub reddit up. Post to OYS weekly for feedback, get some of my SMV back before planning on making any moves with the wife but still not try to just let her control everything. I need to go slower and really digest this stuff, see why I am having the same mistakes and work on the rest of me first.",,2,kendallb183,2020-10-16 18:48:36 askMRP,jbutjo,"If 5x5 is for strength, why not do 3x10 for hypertrophy?","So, 5x5 is notorious for strength gains and is the staple for RP. But if people are trying to get physically visible results faster aka more hypertrophy why are we not pushing for 3x10 workouts with 2 days 1 day off or 5 days on 2 days off? Doing 5x5 will build more muscle neurons quicker for strength increase and also build more myofibrils in each muscle sarcoplasm... which increases strength but that doesn't equal muscle mass as quickly as 3x10s that increase the number of sarcoplasms and result in a visual of more muscle with strength still gained but more hypertrophy. Is the goal to look big quick or be strong quick?",,17,kendallb183,2020-10-15 19:47:55 askMRP,jay1ns,Physical abuse,"Age 31 Ht 5'9"" Wt 176lb Wife 31 Married 1year, together 3 years. Kids: 7yo daughter (hers from previous ltr), 1,5yo son Readings: NMMNG, WISNIFG, Married man sex life primer, book od pook in progress. Lifts: 20%bf navy method, I do bodyweight training so I know only my benchpress max which is 220lb, rest I didnt check. I started reading MRP in August, I started working out at home, started to STFU and started to enjoy the silent treatment. I changed my view on chores, I dont treat them as pussy pass anymore and just make them done without being angry about that, since I do 80% of them. There were many suicide or divorce threats but they dont seem serious. My main problem is that I cant leave my house. When I tell my wife I met some friend after work or want to go out she goes really crazy ( crying, screaming, hitting me). Physical abuse had place 4 times already. One time she hit me in face. Yesterday she made middle finger gesture to me in front of kids. I dont know what to do, if there is any solution. I dont want to fight in front of my kids. Sorry for the chaotic post Im at work now.",,10,blantje,2020-10-14 10:21:06 askMRP,jam3ku,Diet template,"Does anyone know a solid high protein diet that supports 5x5 workouts? I'm not asking someone to go out of their way and list their diet, I wanna know if anyone has been using one thats just already laid out in full on the internet somewhere. Im searching myself but idk how good these actually are to follow, so a user tried and approved diet would be amazing. Thanks. Edit 5'10"" 200lbs 25% bf short term goal is 15%. Will be on DNP so my caloric deficit from DNP will be an extra ~2000.",,2,kendallb183,2020-10-13 20:47:31 askMRP,jah2li,hernia surgery in the next month,"Looking for some advice and to see if anyone else has dealt with something similar. I developed a substantial hernia in the first few months of of Rona lockdown and have been nursing it as I wait for surgery, I know from previous hernias (born with one and had another when I was 14) that I will be out for 2-3 months from any kind of strenuous activity. this one in particular is going to be a bit worse as it's a abdominal into pelvic one. Rona already has me 15 lbs heavier than I was a year ago. Don't want to just recover and get fatter, but know I wont be doing cardio like I need over the winter or lifting anything worth noting until summer next year. Any advice, strategy or experience guys.",,0,[deleted],2020-10-13 16:37:59 askMRP,j92py2,Is this counting as STFU?,"If your wife asks why you did something, and you respond... because I wanted to... is that STFU? If she keeps asking well why or how come... and you respond I don't have to justify what I wanna do... its what I wanna do. Is that still STFU? EDIT: Rereading WISNIFG... pretty apparent I went full retard on understanding it the first time around. Thanks for the kick in the ass guys.",,0,kendallb183,2020-10-11 09:51:17 askMRP,j8f9pe,What to do if I am the one with a low sex drive?,"I am not far into the MRP journey yet. I have read and continue to reread all the required side bar contents, been doing so over the past 9 months trying to get momentum going. I own the fact that it has not yet. But there is one big issue I cannot find much information on and really am stuck on: My wife does not have a low sex drive. Her sex drive is huge and she keeps blaming me and getting angry formy lack of sex drive. I know: 1. I ought to have even angry sex just to calm her down. 2. ""Everything is about sex. Except sex. Sex is about power."" (Oscar Wilde) 3. not fucking her (enough) is breaking the red pill rules. Yet with everything that has happened and is happening, my sex drive is simply not there anymore. I originally married her in part because I was with a frigid woman before, but after over 2 years of misery it simply died out on my side, while I am still very much trying to save this marriage. Her sex drive though... The day can have been a horrible s\*\*tshow on every level, but even if she was throwing the most demeaning insults at me right before bed, she still expects sex right then and there. I have tried purposefully intoxicating and the dissociation does boost my sex drive, but that obviously is not a solution and I don't know what that experiment is supposed to tell me. Any insights would be most welcome. Disclaimer: I have read the side bar, looked for similar posts and tried to follow policy guidelines with this post. Most things MRP says about me is true and I readily admit I need to work on myself / own my shit. I have tried to do so for the past 9 months, which I know is only beginning and I will continue to stumble over myself until some momentum on my side is reached.",,12,Agitated_Ad_3662,2020-10-10 05:55:00 askMRP,j7kyy8,Vetting plates for wife material,"I’m in the process of starting to spin a couple of plates, however my longterm goal has always been to have a lovely wife and children. I was wondering what kind of vetting process did you guys take to find the closest thing to a perfect wife, which red flags did you look out for and what were your standards while picking the best one?",,3,b1nkh4x0r,2020-10-08 20:35:43 askMRP,j6t1ca,Tactics for ASD during Comfort Test,"Scenario: She's comfort testing hard because of dread, but dirty talk and rough sex are working in creating desire and submissiveness (AWALT). She (her ASD) comfort tests hard and frequently, overtly focusing on the dirty talk and dominance in sex and wanting covert contracts (keep having more sex if we dial down the D in DEVI - i.e., she says ""dirty talk is a turn off because it makes me feel bad about myself and objectified""). Dilemma: These are clearly comfort tests (always about her feeling vulnerable). And to pass them, comfort needs to be given, but does giving that comfort lessen desire because it also lessens dominance? Plausible options: 1. STFU, ignore test, make a point to up the D in next sex to plant a flag and see if we can put this spate of tests behind us. Risk here is Ramboing it, looking butthurt, and driving her out of a frame she finds uninviting. 2. Mostly STFU, hold frame (the D controls belong to me and I won't agree to hand them over to you), assure her overtly that if she can trust me, the D can lead to a new adventure that I'd like her to join me on. Risk here is drastic increase of already high dread, but also potential loss of dominance as we're basically negotiating about negotiating desire. 3. Do option 1 or 2, and also slow down the increase in D over time, waiting to do it when time is best (e.g. ovulation). 4. Do option 1 or 2, and overtly call her out next time I up the D whenever I want (""stop complaining, your body tells me you like this and you never said no""). 4. ... n. Missing any? I had this scenario last night immediately after some sex where I dialed up the E (after lots of comfort tests and remembering we're currently at or near shark week). I chose option 2, but only after almost going with option 1. I feel good with option 2, but I honestly don't like talking so overtly about my gaming with her, and I have some self-doubt about being able to do that well for a long conversation. It was a mentally challenging conversation (which I think I liked), where I was ""being supportive"" while still not capitulating to any covert contracts and fielding direct questions about ""why are you doing all this new stuff in bed"". I tried to stay somewhat mysterious, while also trying to convey that I was doing what I wanted for me, also while comforting her by inviting her to join and telling her I think she does like it and will continue to. Felt difficult, like threading a needle. I felt a bit pushed (that's why it's a test), which is good. But I also felt like she's genuinely turned off by the increased D. So, I'm opting for option 3 going forward, I think. (But I'm reserving the right in my own mind to switch into option 4.) Curious if you'd've handled differently. Editing just to say thanks for all who commented. I do feel like I caught quite a few nice sized fish with this post that will feed me for awhile. For those I threw back too soon, don't be upset. It's my loss. Thanks again.",,5,fireBadMeGood,2020-10-07 15:35:03 askMRP,j5ezbt,Pregnant wife,"Hi everyone, I've gone and made my wife pregnant again (yeah, I know, idiot). She is at about 30 weeks. Here's the problem: the sex dried up around, you guessed it, 30 weeks ago. Nada. I've been lifting, stfu-ing and focusing on being a great dad for my older daughter. My chief complaint is that I struggle not to be resentful that she can't do something for me (oral, anything). I realise what a little bitch I sound, so I want to make clear I really have stfu and not whined after sex. I used to be the man that did that am I'm now embarrassed for past me. I want to know which behavioural tools I can use on myself to kill all this beta behaviour, given that I'll need to be 100% oak for a good while yet.",,2,ska100,2020-10-05 07:10:04 askMRP,j4jpsw,How to move forward on deadlift grip strength issues,"Lifting for 16 months, 150 pounds body weight 16% BF. Been posting OYS regularly etc. 165lb x5 bench, 185 x5 squat. Grip strength is an issue on deadlift and I am not sure what to do next. I started using hooks to alleviate grip issues. -using overhand grip I can do 205 lb x5 -using alternate grip can do 225x5 -using hooks I can do 270 x5 Today I deloaded and got rid of hooks, and started incorporating some grip training. Also bought chalk and will start using that. So my choices going forward are: use hooks and keep increasing lift, or stay deloaded and work back upwards while incorporating grip training. Or I can keep using hooks AND incorporate grip training. As I am still a relative novice, under two years of lift experience, I am not certain what the best course is.",,2,Vegasman20002,2020-10-03 18:04:37 askMRP,j4ev80,MRP vs 24x7 married D/s,"As I have been investigation 24x7 married D/s, I see a lot of similarities and not a lot of differences. However, one thing that seems to stand out is the amount of attention paid to the woman. In MRP, it seems that the primary focus is on the man, and actions taken by the man are to draw the woman towards him. ""I am the prize"". However, in 24x7 married D/s, I have seen many statements of ""she is my prized possession"". I'd love to hear thoughts on this subject. Are these two philosophies two sides of the same coin, or are these very different philosophies altogether?",,3,-TitsandThongs-,2020-10-03 13:18:47 askMRP,j2zhmp,"Following the guides, but having ethical/moral issues...maybe identity crisis? Need some Bro Boost.","TLDR: I've been practicing MRP for quite some time and have begun to see moral issues in my wife's responses, and my own. I have read the sidebar, I've ordered and highlighted all the books, I've lifted the heaviest of weights, became the true man I've needed to be, physically, emotionally, and in my businesses, AND I've kept my frame the whole time. I was truly everything that a Nice Guy has ever been when my wife and I met. I did everything, bought everything, and fawned over her. Two kids, dream home, and dream life later I was stuck in a sexless marriage. (OR better yet, a one sided sex marriage) I went to another board and found nothing but sad people...so I kept searching. I found MRP, which convinced me to begin working out. I did. I'm in the best shape of my life. I began working on my frame, attitude, and confidence. All things have been going well until...I realized I don't like this. I don't mind her admiring my physique, I don't mind her calling me sexy all the time, I don't mind her ""wanting to be"" the woman that deserves me, and I definitely don't mind her wanting to ""keep me"". All these things are great. I just don't like pushing her away, trying to be cold, and being apathetic to her emotions. Somewhere in this mix, I've been torn between being angry at myself, and angry that I've become who she used to want to be with (check out RJOCD). Again, the bedroom, life, and social circumstances seem great on the surface...but I still feel like a lot of this false. I've seen her sacrifice things that I wouldn't want to, make changes that I wouldn't want to, and bend over backwards...for a person that doesn't really exist. It's hard for me to say, but this isn't me...or at least not yet. I'm still fighting back the ""b\*\*\*\* inside"". I can't lose frame with her, but I can lose frame with you guys. Fuck it. I don't care what you throw at me, but I genuinely think it was my physical appearance that made things better in the bedroom, and my attitude toward really enjoying life. I can see the strain on her at times, and that breaks my heart. I don't like seeing her this way. I don't miss the woman that would look over me, but I also don't like the woman that looks like she is about to break from holding on. I've had both, and I'd like somewhere in between. Thanks in advance for comments, concerns, and insults. All of them, only help to make us better!",,0,[deleted],2020-10-01 01:51:16 askMRP,j26ebu,The Challenge?,"Post breakup: Her (38F): “The next guy has his work cut out for him because my intuition, my standards, my boundaries, my wants and needs are off the charts,” she said. “Cause I’ve gotten to know me so much more. So it’s gonna be so much more narrow and specific. And I think that’s the challenge with a relationship.” Him (36M): “I have just a new and increased love of life. And I’ve made decisions and changes and habits that put me in a lot better head space and there’s just a lot of things that have come together in my life over the last few months that have really been enjoyable ...” My question: Why do 35+ women think that just by providing their presence they deserve everything? Asked here as askmrp better for 30+ “Patrick and Rodgers were first linked in early 2018. He previously dated actress Olivia Munn for three years.” Edit: If you are looking for insightful comments, the Better Bachelor has now done a youtube post on this story, and it already has 1.2K comments",,0,askmeanything2,2020-09-29 19:31:25 askMRP,j075c3,Death of a parent,"My dad recently passed away. I've been stuck dealing with things as my mom doesn't have the slightest clue as what to do with the estate, vehicles, and upward 200k debt. No will. No plans. Nothing that I have found yet. Still hunting through. I blame myself for not looking into it sooner but I didn't realize he had gotten this sick and just avoided going to the hospital until it was basically too late. My wife has been supportive but I've only ever read on here how women use this time to test their men. I've been grieving his death mostly in private because I can't bring myself to fall apart in front of others. I have a shifty poker face because my wife has told me ""are you ok? What are you thinking? You look like you're gonna cry. It's ok to be sad. "" I've just said I'm still processing and organizing my thoughts. (I probably look like I am when I'm thinking about everything right now) I was able to lift the other day and upped the weight because I needed it. Was able to cry, be angry, and gather myself while everyone was asleep and I focused on lifting and my dad. Any advice? Answered - Worry less about what others think. Stay in my frame. Grieve my lose how I need to. Take care of what I need to take care of.",,26,[deleted],2020-09-26 14:38:41 askMRP,j07442,A victim puke,"29 years old, 6’ 1”, 230 lbs., married 3.5 ish years. Lifts sort of unknown as I’ve had a wrist injury for a few weeks now. I was able to bench 250 for a rep or two, squat 275ish lbs. and deadlift around the same. I’m feeling really down, fellas. Things were going great between my wife and me as of late. We went to a party last night and had a good time, and we both got pretty fucked up. At around 9:30pm we both got home, and she opened my phone. I guess during my black out I was looking at random internet pics of girls with big asses. To be fair, it’s not the first time she’s caught me doing this type of thing. She was clear when she said she likens it to cheating (I don’t agree but whatever). So I’m pretty fucked up I guess. I know it’s my fault and nobody else’s but man, I feel shitty making her feel like trash. Now she’s at work and we’ve been texting back and forth. I apologized to her a few times and she’s still really mad, which makes sense, but other than that I’m not texting a lot. I basically told her I’m sorry and i fucked up and that’s basically it. She wants me to figure out how to show I care. Now that I got that off my chest I don’t really know what a good way forward is from here. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance.",,5,titmouse_,2020-09-26 14:36:45 askMRP,iy4ygh,There's always another side... a better side...,"Pussies, with your vaginas in a row, saluting the kings and queens of obsessive-compulsive disorder - and more - you've lost site of the reality... the reality that going your own way chock-full of yummy goodness is paramount to strive for. Something to achieve. Something to want with every nougaty bit of goodness in your nubile young body. ""I'm done with you,"" she says, punctuating her curt scream with crinkled face, foot stomp, and door slammed behind in indignation. ... She got you. Dumped... Or did she??? Fuck no. Every new ending is a new beginning. (And beginnings are more fun than endings.) And, as Ron Jeremy would say, every old pussy is a new pussy. (Joy.) The point is this: you should always be looking for your next (r4r) adventure, throwing yourself into **the next big thing.** Don't worry about the little missus, she's just there now - or maybe there yesterday... who knows, maybe she'll simply disappear. Ask yourself; is she there tomorrow, when you start your next journey to conquer the world?",,6,johneyapocalypse,2020-09-23 06:28:40 askMRP,ivk9e4,Form Over # of Reps,"I'm realizing and learning that lifting is discipline - in showing up, eating well, learning, and form. Form has been the issue for me of late. I strained my back several weeks back while squatting. I was trying to hit my previous max of 220 (from 30 years earlier). I lost form and bowed my back. Dumb. Then this week I was trying to get past my stall on OHP of 100, and in trying to get the last two reps in, held the barbell up with locked arms and bowed back to rest. Dumb. I had started meditation exercises with an app this week, and today in the gym, it seemed to change my focus. I was much more in tune with my form, and reps seemed to be in the background. In fact, I was noticing how the target muscle groups felt more, and keeping that intensity within the structure of good form. The pain/exertion felt isolated, and the awareness allowed me to stop when I realized that I had hit the real goal - muscle fatigue - without overdoing it to try and hit the reps goal. Also, in all of this, I see I'm hitting the plateau in my Stronglifts program - Squat, OHP and Bent Row have all had set failures at least once in the last in the last couple weeks, and Bench is close. Working within the context of this edge of goals and failures will now be a regular ongoing occurrence. I'm curious how others avoid overdoing it, while balancing trying to hit their goals.",,7,[deleted],2020-09-19 02:43:53 askMRP,iu0gj1,"In My Head, All the Time","Pook said something interesting in the Testosterone episode (YouTube) about Action. It's all about taking Action. I found myself thinking about what that would look like. Then realized, ""That's the problem. You're *thinking* about action, instead of just doing and being in motion."" So I started making mental notes. At the gym, I'm waiting for a slot on the racks. Are those guys thinking I'm being rude? Hovering? Skinnier than they are? Am I coming back to check too often? That guy cut in - did he see me? Did he not give a fuck? Is that Alpha? Am I overthinking this?"" I'm not kidding or exaggerating. That's one example, and that shit's running 24/7. On the drive home, I tested myself with just empty mind meditation. ""Don't think of anything. Just observe the scenery, breathe. Couldn't make it 5 - 10 seconds. Over and over again. So, I'm seeing now how IN MY HEAD I am all the time. Someone suggested the Waking Up app, so I started it. Helpful, for sure. My point is that I'm thinking that a lot of my MRP work has been mental for me, not holistic or integrated or authentic. That's not quite the right word, but I don't want to overthink it and try to wordsmith it for anyone's sake. Anyone else been in this mental-fuck blackhole space? I feel like Neo as they first began to work with him.",,23,[deleted],2020-09-16 17:42:50 askMRP,iqqvaz,Tools for Vision and Mission?,"I now see how important vision and mission is, and am working on it. I've researched people who are living a way I like and reference (Michael Hyatt), I've written my own obituary, and I've reached out to a recommended coach and author in this area. I'd like to hear from any of you that have had success in figuring what worked for you in creating a vision and/or mission statement. TIA, Sod",,10,[deleted],2020-09-11 13:52:02 askMRP,imxtvc,LTR Is An Alcoholic And Out Of Control. PLEASE HELP!!!!,"I know this isn't the place for sympathy and I don't want it I need good solid advice because my LTR is out of control. Me(31) I'm 6'4 and 160 pounds. Skinny I know. I recently turned to the red pill 2 months ago because my gf is literally driving me insane. Before I stumbled on these subs I was so naieve. I loved unconditionally and thought someone out there would love me the same. I now know it's not true. I always felt that way just from experience with women but now I'm wide awake to it. Started dating this good looking girl 5 months ago. After reading the side bar and NMMNG I realized not only did I go about vetting wrong but I also have allowed myself to be stripped of my masculinity constantly before I get dumped, by folding to reduce conflict. Everything was going good until week 2. We had a very small disagreement and my gf just left. I begged her not to probably even cried but she still left. I told her how it made me feel but she kept doing it. Finally after the 3,4,5 time I don't fucking know, I started letting her leave. Turns out she wasn't actually leaving she was going downstairs drinking in her car. After a few incidents of her getting literally pissy drunk she told me she had a drinking problem. Fuck all that just forward to tonight...my girl comes over after hanging up on me and not answering my phone calls. When she comes in I give her a mean look because I'm upset she hung up on me and yelled and screamed at me. I was working on putting together my bed frame and just kept doing that. After I was done I came on the couch to sit next to her and automatically could tell she was drinking. I asked her and she lied to me like she always does. Dude it crushes me because I care about her and the fact she has to lie about drinking killllsssss me. She then proceeded to spend 4 hours telling me I'm a coward, I'm not a man, she hates me, I'm pathetic. Then she goes on another long rant about how girls like my Facebook photos?? We're both 30 mind you. I immediately start to feel maybe my girlfriend is trying to justify something. After hours of her yelling I just left. My own house.. It's not 01:30am and she's been here since 8:30. I tried everything to maintain frame. I didn't engage, I didn't yell, I tried calming her down, nothing worked. This girl is clearly frustrated with me. I was insecure I will admit that before stumbling across TRP and MRP. I know I should've STFU sooner. What the fuck can I possibly do? I know I fucked up by not setting boundaries early on and thinking she cared about my feelings. Is this salvageable or what? I like this sub because it doesn't preach cheating which I really want to do at this point. Literally hours of someone you love calling you a punk, coward, not a man, I hate you. It fucking hurts like shit. I know only newbs post to askmrp but I need serious help. I care about this girl but I feel like my only choice is to walk away. PLEASE GIVE ME ADVICE!!!!",,7,[deleted],2020-09-05 08:43:39 askMRP,imr3va,Wife Hates Sex,"Ok- man and wife 44. I’m lifting 4 times a week and showing decent definition, I’m a good looking fella and have an incredibly attractive wife. Getting no sex. WTF is going on? So: I am also incredibly sweet to her, compliment her every day on how pretty she is, rub feet, back and whatever she wants, snuggle into her in bed. But nothing comes my way from her end. I was also posting in dead bedrooms, but it’s depressing and a cry fest. Time to man up and grow a set of balls. I need to game this situation. Hard ass advice please.",,32,[deleted],2020-09-04 23:51:45 askMRP,ik9kbd,"Lost my job today, still have shit together, how to frame this to LTR?","46yo, 1.5yrs into LTR. Got notice that I am being RIF’d from my high paying tech job this morning. They are giving me 2 months paid to find a job, and a decent severance package. I am OK financially, could easily last 6mos without a job, prob stretch that to a year, and I don’t expect to be out that long. I have highly marketable skills. Spent the morning puking to my bro over coffee and having him set my head back on straight, but am still kind of panicky/anxious about this since it’s all new (head straight, “feels” still all over the place). Yeah, I have a new mission now (get a job) but that’s not what I expected when I got up this morning. My first thought was to STFU about it until I have a new gig then celebrate the new job. I know my LTR can feel it when I am anxious and nervous though, and will ask me what’s up if I try to play it off like that. I am confident, but know I will be reeling for the next couple days...and frankly, I don’t really want to hide something like this from her (integrity). So right now, it’s trying to figure out how to tell her without feeling like a little bitch crying to mommy (yes, I am feeling like a little bitch who wants to cry to mommy at the moment, even though I have a mission and a plan). Maybe just lay it out that this happened and this is my plan? Avoid until the feels are gone? I dunno...throw it at me guys, the blue pill beta bitch is strong in me today...",,23,imav8n,2020-08-31 23:53:33 askMRP,ihrgb2,Presenting goals in OYS," My understanding of OYS content can be broken into two parts: 1. Discuss your attempts to better yourself. What challenges/wins/losses. 2. Set goals and follow a plan to get where you want. This post aims to clarify #2. In order to be the best version of ourselves we can be, we need to know where we are going. What is it that you want? Once you know what you want, you can write it as a statement. An obvious example: ""I want to be more fit and healthy."" At the surface, this could be a covert contract ""I want to be more fit and healthy... in order to get more sex"". More information is needed about the real intention and it's hard to distinguish what progress OP has made. At this point, the statement ""I want to be more fit and healthy"" is a desired outcome, not really a measurable goal, and those who post these as goals will get the feedback, ""too vague"". So you break it down into smaller, achievable goals. ""Make it to the gym three times this week."" But once you complete these, you still haven't reached the intended outcome. Not that there is anything wrong with that because progress takes time. You might start to realize what it is you really want, or you recognize and disassemble a covert contract. More likely as you start to better yourself, you also start making progress and internalizing the new behavior. ""I am the type of person who doesn't skip a workout"" At this point it becomes part of your frame, and it's something other people could point out, or you could True/False test yourself about the validity of the statement. Some here can just look at your height, weight, BF, and lift stats and test for congruency. Here's where I've been spinning my wheels. 1. Does stating your desired outcome add value? 2. Writing a desired outcome as a statement that internalizes to your frame is basically ""fake it til you make it"". It's a fancy way of disclosing your desired outcome. 3. Smaller, achievable goals don't always have context, but does that matter?",,7,edward_durden,2020-08-27 19:16:05 askMRP,ignrkf,Progress blocking?,"I've noticed as I make progress, my wife actually tries to discourage me from getting shit done / improving. I can't remember her really ever doing this before (or maybe I never noticed it), but after thinking on it, I can't come up with any other reason than she's trying to stop me from making progress. Examples of this range from encouraging me to procrastinate chores to asking why I work out so much. Not much of a bother, but it is an interesting thing I've observed. Have others experienced this?",,15,ErroneousMcGee,2020-08-25 23:35:54 askMRP,ig3uqo,I've been married for one month. The sex stopped 2 weeks in. Most posts are from men who were married for years. How to address this critical Issue so early? (initially posted in MRP),"The title gives you a good picture. It was the usual story. Met an amazing girl, I knew of the red pill enough to get a decent looking one. Sex was amazing. Best I'd ever had. I'm a practicing Christian and I knew I would be married one day. Since I'd found such a great girl, why not go ahead with her? I am 23, and a college grad. She is 20 and still in school. As a Christian I wanted to marry young so as to not live in sin. We dated 6 months. Fast forward to July. We are married. We go on a great honeymoon and have lots of sex. Returning from the honeymoon I change jobs, there's lots of packing and stress so sex is naturally less frequent. I recognized I was beta backsliding (lost my temper, broke frame, covid left us with housing and employment issues, it was a very bad time in my life) but it was too late, I could tell she was growing disdain for me. Then, 2 weeks in, she stops having sex with me. Says it feels violating for me to have sex with her. Says I have changed, I'm not the same guy. I ask what happened to the girl that used to be all over me. Her answer: You killed her. So my question is, since our marriage is so new, is it reasonable to go to late stages of dread much sooner? I think having the Fuck me or Fuck you talk is something I'd like to do sooner rather than later, and certainly not 12 months down the road. If she keeps this up we'll probably be divorced in less than 6 months. I have been reading the sidebar, I have caught many of her shit tests and passed them recently, I'm dressing better, hitting the gym more and running. However I don't think I need to wait months and months to build dread. At this point I truly believe: fuck me or fuck you. TLDR: My wife of ONE MONTH has already started sexual denial and she has stated she intends to continue this. How would you handle this? DO I wait this out for a few months, building SMV or is it reasonable to tell a brand new wife, fuck me or fuck you and divorce within 3-6 months of marriage? for reference I have read ""When I say No, I feel guilty,"" ""Saving a Low Sex Marriage,"" and am currently working through the ""Mindful Attraction Plan""",,31,dongus88,2020-08-25 02:52:52 askMRP,ieub0f,"Fucked My Ex, Now What?? Do I Plate Her?? What Happens Next??","Hola! Sorry, English isn’t my first language and I struggle with it a bit.. I’m Argentinian. I found mrp after going through a lot of RP material over the last year looking for answers in my relationship with my ex (31 - three years). I ended up breaking up with her four months ago after following the sidebar material for over a half year. A little about me, I’m 34 years old (6’1 & 182lbs) and have been working out at least five days a week (weights and a mix cardio — running, football, swim laps) when I started working on myself. I have gained around 7 to 8lbs of muscle in the last few months. I feel and look way better. Recently [yesterday], my ex came back to me after no contact for four months to me breaking things off to her. She came to my place unannounced and started yelling and screaming on my front porch area. I didn’t really say anything. I just stood there and took it all in as I found it pretty funny. I asked if she wanted a coffee to calm down a bit and she stopped shouting. Once she came into my place she started to initiate and grab my dick. I ended up fucking her moments after she came inside my place. My ex jumped on me kissing, grabbed and sucked my cock, as I fucked her mouth, hard. It was nice. I even fucked her in the ass and grabbed her hair as I cummed in her mouth. I fucked her like a dirty slut. It felt good and hot as hell. After she got cleaned up and dressed up, she clearly stated to me that this would never happen again. She started yelling at me on the porch again with neighbours watching what was going on. She got in her Renault and drove off in force. What happens next? Do I plate my ex? Should I fuck her again if the opportunity arises? Do I add her to my pipeline? She would be bottom of pipeline if so. I have already been spinning plates and have been seeing a couple of young 20s girls that are hotter and more fun to be around. Have any of you been in this position? This whole situation confuses me… Gracias, chicos.",,16,ArgentinaMRP,2020-08-23 01:05:21 askMRP,iduj6a,Doctors Not Big on TRT?,"Had an appt yesterday to get a full panel. The doc asked why and I told him my old running buddy was doing it and TRT strongly recommended it, my mail-in saliva sample gave a score of 91, and shared my lack of energy and sexual desire. Dr: ""How often do you have sex?"" Me: ""Good times are once a week, but overall it's been once a month."" Dr: ""That's totally normal. Nothing to be alarmed about. Sure, 18 year olds are much more active, but nothing's unusual about your frequency."" He then around three times to the fact that it might be depression (even though I told him my outlook on life is positive) and that after the results come back, we could pursue that route if my T levels are normal (even though the nurse earlier said ""T has such an incredible range of what's normal..."" If he says no, I'll go somewhere else. But I'm curious if this pushback is normal, and why there would be pushback.",,18,[deleted],2020-08-21 10:50:21 askMRP,idygeb,Setting Boundary or Mate Guarding?,"Hello everyone, new here. I'm 24 - lurked Seddit and TRP for years and started reading MRP half a year ago while transitioning into a LTR (3 months) and since then I've read: The Book of Pook, SGM, 3% Man and TRP and MRP sidebars. My girlfriend is 19 - generally shy and submissive but also hard working and ambitious. Traditional and was crushing hard on me and pushing for a LTR. Lots of green flags and only a few red ones. **Backstory**: After spending a few weeks on a vacation to a nearby city together, my girlfriend had to leave for a uni related workshop and I had to go back home. After the workshop (lasting 10 days) she invited me back to her seaside apartment to spend one more week with her before she returns home but I had a lot of work to do back home and because of some financial reasons I had to turn the offer down. She went there and was meeting with her friends (that she grew up with) for walks, drinks and other girl shit. Everything was fine up until now when she told me she was planning on going out with a group that I've met and honestly don't feel her comfortable going out with. **The problem**: She met the group through two of her younger friends and the group consists of her 2 friends, 5-6 guys and 2 other girls all single. The group meets once or twice a week to hang out outside or at someones apartement, play drinking games and get wasted (and hook up I guess). Now, she's not a big drinker or club girl but I've seen the hangouts through her friends story and I honestly don't feel comfortable with her going there to hang and drink with her slutty friends and 5-6 horny guys at someones apartment. Never had a problem with her hanging out with friends but she met these people only recently and claims that the whole group is super immature but she wants to have fun with her two friends instead of being home alone. **My question**: I am conflicted on how to handle this. On one hand, this feels like an oportunity to set a boundary since I'm her first boyfriend and we're still at the early stages of our relationship. Telling her how uncomfortable it makes me or something like ""I will not stop you from going but my girlfriend doesn't go drinking with 5 other guys"". On the other hand I feel like that would be mate guarding and realize it wouldn't be the correct ""RP"" way of handling it but pretending to be OK with it would feel like LARPing right now. Fact is she doesn't normally associate with this kind of people and she only met the group twice while on vacation (2nd time when she introduced me to them). Is the fact that this is bothering me so much an issue stemming from my own inexperience and possible insecurities or am I being rational and need to check her on it? What if she insist on seeing more of this group while she's there? Anyway I'd like to ask for some help on how to handle this. **TL;DR New girlfriend planning to hang with a group I don't like at all. Do I check her on it or do I pretend it doesn't bother me?**",,5,Rothwayaw,2020-08-21 15:08:14 askMRP,id7s8u,Getting more actions in MFF in my LTR,"First threesome we had ages ago I got *all* the attention. They did shit years ago, but didn’t really feel like doing stuff to each other. Eventually we feel out with that friend. In practice though... it’s like a 70/30 chance I’ll get some sort of action with the other girl. Sometimes a bold chick will grab at something of mine and my gf doesn’t really mind in the moment. I also know sexually she’s into the idea of her and a women focusing on me. Her thoughts are actually pretty RedPill. She thinks naturally it should be one guy multiple chicks, and multiple guys is nasty. I don’t know how I can improve my lot here. As soon as anything is my idea or initiative she starts getting jealous. As long as I’m more or less an innocent bystander to her ideas or what she’s in the mood for, she’s fine with it. As much as I’d love to have a rational and open discussion about... like most women she thinks with her emotions. There is no real game plan at the end of the day. She’ll go a year saying she’s over it, randomly suggest it out of the blue if the right girl pops up, say I’m mostly watching, I might get some tits, make out, or a handy, but usually not. I know she’s sexually into the idea of her and another pleasing me, but the insecurity gets in the way. We role play it all the time. Any advice? I don’t get jealous, but if it’s just watching as it sometimes is... I’m not into it. Chick on chick is all right, I’m more into feeling like a king. My wife is a 10, so frankly I don’t even care what the other chick looks like. If nothing else the chick will watch us go at it and rub my back or something. It’s not exactly what I’m after, but afraid of fucking it up (also know that’s some beta scarcity thinking. Besides, the more important she knows it is to me, the less leverage I have) I could just settle I guess... but would love to get a consistent double Hj or a bj! Not even aiming for intercourse with the other chick. Edit: Some funny burns not gonna lie, but y’all are useless as fuck input wise. I do think it’s important to get control of the situation. I think watching chicks is hot (girl on girl isn’t cheating... so insecure) but not worth compromising my control of a situation on. Edit 2: You know I take that back. This is actually useful in its own way. I think you are all right and that this isn’t gonna work and I should abort mission. I’ll own my shit and admit that. It’s been years since we’ve bothered with this, and I’ve been growing via the sidebar since the last time. I’m glad I thought about it more before agreeing to it this time. The packaging of the input is round about and rough, but that’s to be expected here. I’ll keep improving my shit until I’m the center of attention, or not bother at all. Won’t let myself fall into a scarcity mindset. Thanks for helping me get my head out of my own ass on this one.",,4,tmprp,2020-08-20 10:26:44 askMRP,ibsyt9,Note on BF via Scale vs Navy Method,"I saw a recent post re: body fat % and thought I'd share a recent insight A few questioned my stats. I get them from my scale that reads body fat % and it's been fairly consistent for a year. Someone suggested Navy Method. I tried it. Here's the difference. Scale: 15.2% Navy Method: BF 22.5% My current stats: 186.5 lbs, Squat 200, BP 145, OHP 110, DL 175, Row 110. BF% via Navy Method makes a lot more sense for those numbers. HTH, Sod",,0,[deleted],2020-08-18 02:58:35 askMRP,ibjoxa,Big test over text," Conversation over text: Her: okay LabelOtherSide, it hurts so bad Me: what’s wrong babe? Her: this feeling that I can’t trust you This feeling that, while you love me, you don’t respect me This feeling that I have to work so hard to please you I knew you’d just laugh at me today And that hurts so bad That you did. That I knew you would. I just want to leave Not forever I just want to go to (one state over, where both our families are from) For a visit with your momma I just want to talk to her because she loves you and she knows you and she knows how hard marriage can be Me: we’ll talk when I get home Her: sure we will And it will be like all of our other conversations You’ll say the right things to make me feel better But nothing will change I feel stuck Me; we’ll talk about it when I get home Her: whatever See you at 5:30 This close to just going to (state where we are both from) I’m losing it LabelOtherSide Me: I’m here for you babe. I hear everything you are saying. I want to talk about it in person. Her: I’m driving back towards (your office) I know you’re working I just need to feel like the babies and I are somewhere safe until I regain composure ——- So the background here is that I might be losing my job soon. Didn’t tell her though. So I mentioned “if we had to move for a job, would you want to move closer to family?” That was yesterday. Today she brought it up when she came to visit me for lunch. I laughed cause it’s so silly that she picks up on things. She is nervous but I neither confirmed nor denied. Then she hit me with the wall of text above, after we parted ways and I went back to work. We recently had a sit-down whee I explained some of my hang-ups with myself. And I apologized for hurting her in a few ways. Things have been much better around the house since then and she has been so happy. We have both torn some walls down and committed to being the best we can be. So this text is so off-character. She’s four weeks postpartum. She’s probably sitting on my office parking lot crying her eyes out right now. I didn’t respond to the threat to drive off, at lest not directly. I just didn’t respond since I figured she was dreading me. Then by not responding I guess I dreaded her and she sent the rest of the convo. That’s when I said “I hear you/still want to talk in person though” Help guys. I’ve been taking ice baths every night and doing shit, took my car to get the airbag recalled, trying to be my best. Eating more. Spending time with the kids. Yada yada. Did I handle this right? (Sorry formatting sucks I’m on mobile. Her texts were like four texts each but here they look like one)",,6,LabelOtherSide,2020-08-17 18:22:29 askMRP,ib3xfd,Conflicted about staying together with my LTR or breaking up with her as she approaches the wall — advice needed.,"Hey guys! I just turned 29 years old (5’11, 191lbs, 13% BF, lifting 4X a week on average, and started to hit the sidebar on MRP back in January 2019) earlier this year and have been following RP content for the past few years now. I stumbled upon content on YouTube and a couple of the other TRP subs on Reddit at the time. It really wasn’t until I found the married red pill sub, when I actively went through the sidebar, even though I started out reading all three of Rollo’s Rational Male books when I originally discovered this content. The main reason I went (hard) on the MRP sidebar earlier last year was for the fact I had been in a relationship with my girlfriend for close to two years at that point and I noticed a lot of things were changing (i.e. lots of arguments, lack of sex, drama, etc.). It was a big pill for me to swallow at the time taking all of the responsibility for the bull shit I put myself into, but I decided to lift (literally & figuratively) my way out of the shit I was in. I was so confused for the longest time on when I was plating my girl for a solid year how great everything was before we became official/exclusive. I literally became the meme for *The Drunk Captain With A Pissed First Officer* after around six/eight or so months into our relationship. When I really put the foot down last January (2019), I noticed some massive improvements in all areas of my life. Before I started lifting on a consistent basis (minimum 4 X a week), I was a skinny fuck who was around 169/171 lbs with no muscle definition whatsoever. The only real “working out” I did was a lot of cardio previously to stay in shape. I got much, ***much*** stronger… At this point, I look way better, fit in clothes better, and the IOI’s I get from other women has really made me notice that my SMV has increased tenfold. I’m at the point now where I pretty much get sex whenever I want from my girlfriend. Lift heavy, fuckers — always. The other reason I took this journey was to get rid of the neediness, constant attention that I craved from my girlfriend, and the ONEitis that I clearly had for her. We don’t live together, but I found myself wanting/needing to hangout with her 4, 5, and even some weeks, every fucking day together. It was an unattractive quality that I noticed her getting turned off by (slowly) overtime; considering, I was way more dependant for her, then she was for me. Now, we only hang out 2 to 3 days a week (average) because I have other things going on in my life (hobbies, lifting, volunteering, music, etc.). She complains that she doesn’t see me enough, but is now willing to pop over for a booty call whenever. Anyway… After sticking through the sidebar, lifting heavy, learning to game other women and be social, develop my frame, become an OI man, and really establish a life for myself that I haven’t had before, I feel like I’m at a bit of a crossroads at the moment… I’ve been together with my girlfriend for over 3 years now (relationship wise) and she recently turned 29 years old earlier this summer. I love and care about her a ton, but I’m noticing myself being drawn to breaking things off and spinning plates for a while now that I have unfucked myself from BP tendencies. I’m also noticing a lot of the things my girlfriend mentioned to me around not wanting to get married and living together has started to change from her original views a few years back. Recently, my girlfriend mentioned that she was interested in us trying to live together later this year since she will be able to help out financially. The reason I said ‘no’ to us living together was for the fact that she had still been in school the last few years finishing up her specialized program and only getting financial help from her family and program work (she’s here from Sweden for schooling). I told her once she was finished her schooling and working that I would reconsider it then. Now that she is finishing up her schooling this summer and has a couple of jobs lined up for the fall (with the COVID thing, who knows how that will go..), she is wanting to move in with me come October/November. These conversations have also made me wonder if she is trying to optimize her hypergamy knowing that she is approaching the wall… I’m just at a point in my life where I have a difficultly with settling down with a woman who is approaching the wall and/or at the wall. Have any of you had this problem before? On one hand, I want to stay with her since our relationship has improved **a lot** and I noticed that she is way more calmer then she was prior to me going down this rabbit hole. I credit the MRP sidebar for really helping me get my head out of my ass. That being said, the other side of the coin has my ego wanting new pussy and to spin multiple, multiple plates. I know I’m not at my prime SMV yet (soon here) and that I can definitely make myself even more better in all areas: personal, career, social, financial — all areas. I feel like I can have a bigger plate of women to choose from after really increasing my SMV. I’ve searched through and read a lot of posts on both this sub and the main MRP sub, but I have had trouble finding posts around this kind of a situation. I’m curious here… Did any of you walk away from your LTR/spouse after improving your ‘individual’ situation? Did the increase of you improving your SMV make it easier to walk away and spin multiple plates? I have seen a few posts around here from guys wanting to avoid putting a ring on the finger of a post wall woman for a variety of reasons, one of them being the aspect that you can pick another (younger) woman if you so choose. This topic make me think of the graph that I came across a while back with [**Leo avoiding post wall women**](https://www.reddit.com/r/dataisbeautiful/comments/azjti7/leonardo_dicaprio_refuses_to_date_a_woman_over_25/) like the plague, which always gives me a good laugh. One of the alarm bells that also goes off for me is knowing that my girlfriend has also entered the epiphany phase, which makes me wonder how quickly she will want me to put a ring on her; especially, if I move her in with me. I have told her in the past that I was not looking to get married and/or having kids anytime soon, even though my thoughts have shifted more towards not having kids and getting married at all. I do consume a steady diet of Rich Cooper’s youtube channel where he talks about marriage being a slaughter house. Even recently, he had a divorce lawyer come on his channel to talk about marriage, family, & common law situations, which was an eye opener for me. I’m also prepared that if she gives me the shit or get off the pot speech, that I will go over and open the door for her to leave. I look forward to hearing some feedback on my situation; especially, from those MRPers who have been in my situation before. Thanks for reading through my post.",,3,Snow_Bananas,2020-08-17 00:32:25 askMRP,i9rqwa,Fitness: can you build muscle on paleo,"So wife brought up doing Whole30 (pretty much the same as Paleo diet) and she wants to do it to lose weight. I have done it with her in the past and holy shit did I feel energetic. She lost a lot of weight at the time as well. Well she wants to do it again but my personal body goals are different now. I want to bulk up/build muscle. As they say, muscles are built in the kitchen. Paleo is pretty restrictive, can I bulk up while doing paleo? Cutting out sugars and dairy and crap felt really good last time I did it, just not sure if I should do it again. I want the energy and mental clarity benefits but don’t want to hijack my potential gains. Anyone have any experience with this?",,4,LabelOtherSide,2020-08-14 18:46:21 askMRP,i944l0,Baby is on the way!,"I made a person. Another little one. This will be child #3 for my wife and I. Last time I had a pregnant lady in my household, I was a blue pill, fatty McLoserFace. A little more than a year into my RP journey, and everything is quite different. Any advice you can offer? I've read elsewhere to put a MAP on hold with a pregnant/nursing partner (which seems silly because like hell I'm going to stop lifting, etc.). What landmines should I be on the lookout for?",,1,CarelessBowler5,2020-08-13 17:23:43 askMRP,i80jkz,advice for my brother who has LTR with 3 kids that is about to go sideways,"My bother is about to break up with his LTR (again). They have been together for over 10 years and they have 3 young kids. It's painful to watch. They broke up something like two years ago and staid apart for a year. But then went back together (I was surprised) and have been together for a year again now. I think she took him back mostly cause she just couldn't raise the kids by herself with her working full time on a job that requires a lot of traveling. If you look at her social media, it's blasted with her and the kids, not a single photo on sight about my brother. When they break up, she is also about to get a lot of my brother's assets as my brother was fool enough not to secure himself and the apartment is on her name although he paid more than half of it. I think she has lost respect for my brother, at least somewhat. They are both in their late 30's. My brother is a difficult and closed-up person and he doesn't want to get advice from anyone. He gets offended if anyone wants to teach him something, so it's hard for me to do anything. But it's so painful to watch and it affects me too as I do business with him occasionally. So I was thinking is there a way I could give him some information in a more 'gentle' way like he would have found it himself or something. I think it's a lost cause but I think I would like to do something as it seems he is doing really counter-intuitive things. I think my brother is a blue-billed, hard-working family man, putting family first. He is no push-over but he is not a great socializer or communicator. I do know that he can be difficult to communicate with from my own experience. Some time ago I stumbled on a great Reddit post about steps one can take in this situation, in case he still wants to salvage the situation. Like when they have not yet broken up but it seems it's going in that direction. But all these of our subreddits put in quarantine, I cannot find it anymore in Google search. It seems Google has really fucked up Red Pill's findings, only finding the warning articles not to take Red Pill advice :D The post included obviously dread/lifting/socializing/getting game in order but it was a long and great post. I'm sure there are others like it. Can someone point me in the right direction, please? Would be very grateful!",,4,memoryboy27,2020-08-11 21:28:40 askMRP,i7lm1k,How to break up with LTR when she has done nothing wrong?,"32M / 176cm / 77kg I've been lurking in these related sub reddits for many years and its been life changing. Using a new account for op-sec. About 5 years ago I became pretty tired (running a business out of my bedroom) of life in the UK and packed a bag and moved to Asia. Best decision i ever made. From the day I landed my standard of living and SMV was upgraded a few notches and i had a few months of fun with seemingly unlimited Asian uni students / graduates. But i was beta. Never knew it at the time but i was. Attractive, confident, smart, but no real frame or mission. Which is probably why, when i met a very wealthy (self made), extremely beautiful women 2 years my junior i quickly fell in love and gave up my new found bachelor life and freedom. That was 4.5 years ago... The first 2 years were quite rocky. I was financially fine, but she had perhaps 50 times more in the bank and a big factory etc. She had an ego and deservedly so. I suspect actually she felt like she had settled. After sex dropped off and the pattern of previous relationships repeated itself again, i started reading and discovered RP (MRP really). That pattern was this: Pursued agressively by a hot alpha women. Then 6 months later they discover my frame isnt what it appears. Sex drops off. Sex becomes a big topic of discussion. Attraction plumets. Shit tests increase... MRP fixed that and her behaviour improved. I started passing shit tests. Started putting myself first. Set boundaries and enforce them. This last one was perhaps the most powerful, she responded well to me saying ""no"". Eventually at least. Still not perfect. One day she asked me for a favour to follow her on the motorbike so she can take the car to the garage and i'd take her home after. As soon as we hit the highway she zooms off and i cant keep up. Lost sight of the car. Anyway, next minute i get a screaming women on the phone saying ""where are you???"" That was the last straw for me, favours were asked regulary and they always ended in fights for me ""doing it wrong"". I broke up with her. Tried to anyway. Lots of tears and begging from her and i took her back. Since then the last 2 years have been great. Sweet, submissive partner. Helps me with everything. Worked super hard to help me set up my restaurant and wouldnt accept even 1% of the equity. Sex whenever i want, although still mostly vanilla. She has never masturbated, so im fairly sure she isnt that sexual (i know what you will say about brad pitt... perhaps). Right now i have a beautiful women who is delighted to be led. There are very few faults. The issue is that now im bored. Hot women are literally everywhere. Western men are in demand here and every bar or reastaurant i go in, all the heads turn. Last night my gf was joking with me that the singer in the bar couldnt stop staring. So there's that. Im 32, i have an overwhelming feeling that if i dont do something im going to miss my peak years. At least not enjoy them to the max. I miss my space. Being able to get up and go out and not explain where / why and have to be back to take my partner for dinner. I also feel im not growing. I am ambitious to a fault and despite writing a few books, selling a couple of businesses and opening a restaurant, i feel i could achieve more. Im not happy with my achievements and am terrified of getting to 40 or 50 and not being what i could have been. Most people would be happy in my position. Financially free, living in a tropical climate, amazing girl for a partner. Nevertheless i fantasise about being single every single day and have done for a long time. I just cant quite face destroying the life of a women i love. It seems so selfish. Life is good. But then i worry im taking her best years too. She talks about marriage and kids and i cringe. What is the best way to break up? When she has been an excellent partner and im just a broken selfish ass hole who wants to get up in the morning and do whatever i want. Freedom basically. Im probably overthinking this and thinking my case is somehow special with my unicorn. I just dont know how to 'let her down easy' as the George Michael song goes.",,0,user-havok,2020-08-11 05:04:52 askMRP,i6wkpq,Providing solutions vs leading,"I’m going to speak in generalized terms because I don’t have references for some of the concepts I have read about on this. I believe as a man, where we can go wrong is when we’re trying to provide a solution to a problem our woman may have. I.e., she comes home bitching about co workers or her job and we try to chime in with how these issues can be fixed ... “Try saying this to your co worker... why not look for a new job...” etc... However from what I’ve read and learned, it’s not our job to solve these problems and provide solutions. It’s our job to listen and provide some insight if asked. Let them figure things out and make their own decision as what to do, right? But where does leading come into play? Assuming you have a woman who can be led and who wants to be led, where is the line in solving her problems vs leading her or leading the family unit on the path to accomplishing our mission? I’m trying to find a balance with my main plate where she dumps all her issues on my lap. I don’t want to tell her how to handle some of these issues... some are major family issues and some are issues she’s facing as an entrepreneur. But I also don’t want to sit there like the autist that I am, nodding and saying “oh wow.” Not sure this is coming across properly, but any reading references would be appreciated.",,10,Unfugwitable,2020-08-10 02:36:55 askMRP,i6b4kd,I am no longer interested in getting married and I need advice on what to do moving forward…,"Hello MRPers. First off, I’m on mobile, so I apologize for any formatting issues this post may have. I had trouble logging into my main account that a normally use on my browser, which is why I’m posting on a new account here. Anyway, to give some backstory, I am 27 years old and have been engaged to my fiancé (25F) for the last five months now. We have been together for the last three in a half years before I decided (somewhat, along with pressure from her family) to propose to her early this year. I have been following both MRP subs since October on my main account, after going down the RP rabbit hole on YouTube (via Rich Cooper, Rollo, and a few others) over a year or so back now. It has been an eye-opening experience for sure; especially, from all of the sidebar material that I have gone through (NMMNG, Rational Male, Book of Pook, etc.) and all of the posts I have read. I love my girlfriend/fiancé a lot and she has been a great compliment to my life, but my gut feeling over the last couple of months has been telling me not to get married. I will admit, a few years back I was balls deep in BP territory, but over the last year in a half or so of waking up to the reality of the sexual market place, female nature, family law/divorce, marriage laws — all of it. It has really been a wake-up call for me to digest everything here. At one point, I was dead-set of getting married to her, but the last couple of months have really been changing my mind on this decision. Back in December, my fiancé and I flew back to her home country (Montevideo, Uruguay) to visit and hang out with her family for a few weeks. My fiancé moved up to my city (I’m in Canada) in her early twenties for schooling and to pursue her career up here instead of back home. She comes from a very wealthy background and large family, with her father being very high up in the banking sector of Uruguay (the Switzerland of South America). Back in December, her father, uncle, and a couple other of her family members sat me down and mentioned to me they would be “hoping” that I would be proposing to their daughter (cousin, niece, etc.) soon since we have been together for a while now. To be fair, I was already thinking about proposing to her for a while (up to that point). Stupid me, I felt extra pressure, but the chats her father had with me kind of pushed me to the need to do it soon. At the time when I proposed to her early this year (end of February), I was all in for it. But, I think a lot of that had to do with all of the emotion and excitement around it. That has faded fairly quick; especially, after being in lockdown together for a couple of months. I have heard her chatting with her family back home around doing the wedding back home in Uruguay since all of her family is from there. Her father has even sent me a few emails recently asking my opinion on what we should do, but I’m just not feeling it. I know that I’m going to be the bad guy and the fucking asshole, but I’m not sure how to approach this situation. Has anyone here had to call off a marriage before? Do I just push back the marriage for the time being to give us some extra time (a couple of years) before getting married? Do I just break up with her completely? I have fucked up here. I know I have gotten myself into this mess all by myself and I own that. I’m just curious to get some outside feedback on how I approach this situation with my fiancé and her family. Thank you very much, guys.",,12,Johnny10Help,2020-08-09 01:41:47 askMRP,i69xv7,"Let me know your options, thank you","My wife and I moved to Colchester to work 3 weeks ago. We're both working for a family friend who owns a shop there. It's tough work, we have to do menial labour and jobs that no-one else wants to do. The boss can also be a nightmare to deal with and the wife really has issues with him. We spoke about this at the start and I've been trying to encourage her and reassure her that it'll all be worth it at the end. However she needs to vent out everyday after work and a few days ago I was like there's no point talking about it and just deal with it. Well that pissed her off and she ended up in a sulk, which also just got me rethinking this whole situation. After that I just STFU and only answered her in short sentences, until everything went back to normal. I even had to take the aggressive initiative and started bossing her around until we made an agreement to not act negative with each other from now on. However, honestly that isn't going to last long. I'm pretty sure that this is going to happen again. Now usually it's fine that she goes off on one after work, but right now, we're both working together, so I'm dealing with crap from her at work and after work. It's turning me insane. Therefore I need options. So far I've figured out 3. 1, carry on as usual, carry the whole load for 6 months until she gets the skills needed and move on. 2, I move back to London and do my own thing, while she does hers. Or 3, I end this and move on. Any advice is appreciated.",,1,Jin_Eden,2020-08-09 00:20:14 askMRP,i3bi1v,Drawing Lines/Boundaries,"I posted this in MRP and was told to post it here. Appreciate any input. Last night my wife came back with our 11 and 12 yo and I found that they had gone to a family friend's place (pseudo grandparent types) and joined the divorced son and his 15 yo son in shooting skeet. I strongly believe in gun safety training and that putting a gun in a kid's hands w/o that is all kinds of stupid and leans towards guns as fun over guns as deadly weapons. I asked why she didn't tell me what she was up to and she said I would have said no, and I said that's correct and that doing it anyways is messed up. I told her there were new rules: - No guns, no matter what. If they're interested, they can join me and my 21 yo daughter at the gun safety class in a month. - My 11 yo son and 12 yo daughter (who looks 14) are not to be alone at that place where there's a single male adult and 15 yo male. They can hang out with the ""grandma"" at Chik-Fil-A or anywhere public. But if they're at that house, an adult from my family will be there. - Plans will be clear and communicated. - No late nights over there. Although I don't see this issue exactly laid out in the 101 books, it does seem like a NMMNG/""don't have your feelings and rights walked on"" and a frame issue. At the same time, I have this sense that I screwed up. Having to lay down rules actually feels like a loss of power or frame. Something doesn't feel right. Obviously I see I screwed up in that I'm not having cool/dangerous/fun things lined up for my kids. Perhaps chess and history walks downtown don't cut it. Laugh all you want. Secondly, I need to live in general in a way that gives her the feelz so that there's no reason to want to hang out somewhere else. It's one thing that she really likes the grandma person, but the divorced son that lives there is absolutely something I'm not comfortable with tons of time around. Scott",,12,[deleted],2020-08-04 03:00:57 askMRP,i2g9kf,LTR jealous of other relationships,"Plated her for 3 months, made LTR 1 year and 2 months ago. She’s basically on her phone 25/8 and look at other girls’ Instagram all the time. Apparently yesterday was National GF day(?) and I didn’t even notice, now she’s telling me she is jealous of other girls getting spoiled and getting surprises. I still surprise my gf with experiences, not material gifts. She tells me she has to beg/ ask for things from me. I usually say no when she asks for anything out of nowhere that is more than $100, I like to plan it out with my finances and by myself. I told her that I will pay more attention to her wants, but that she shouldn’t be looking outside of our relationship to compare to others, and to enjoy our time together and enjoy what I bring to the relationship. Not sure what I should do, I just would like some guidance as I’ve thought I’ve been beta/ alpha, and somehow it doesn’t work. tl;dr - LTR complains I don’t get her anything, when I buy our experiences, not materials. I tell her I’ll make myself more aware of what she wants, but not to compare our relationship to others.",,0,MRPhercules,2020-08-02 17:49:06 askMRP,i15fnj,Are these my only options?,"A bit of info about me; 24 years old, lift 4 times a week for the past 2 1/2 years. Currently studying my bachelor's degree. While trying to get work as a firefighter. Currently earning good money at the moment though (barring this quarantine). I figured I would post this here as opposed to asktrp. I am someone who prefers monogamous relationships. I am aware of female nature etc but want to have kids one day. Yet when it comes to finding a woman worth working with. I feel like I'm stuck. I feel like these are my only options. Is there something I'm not seeing? 1) I get alot of girls trying to branch swing (not trying to brag) to me. I never allow them to because it just feels gross being branch swung to. If these same girls were single, I'd happily be down. 2) The ones I run into that are single are riding the carousel, fair enough do you. But I sure as hell won't commit to one who is doing that. I did try commiting to one who had rode the carousel but she pissed me off with a ridiculous amount of shit tests. It weren't worth it and I left. 3) Or girls who aren't riding the carousel yet and don't have a boyfriend but are less attractive. Should I just ignore the gross feeling of being branch swung to? It feels like a lose lose either way. Edit: Thanks for the advice everyone. I guess I just need to continue focusing on what I've been doing. And to not lower my standards.",,11,[deleted],2020-07-31 10:47:17 askMRP,i1guqv,My Covert Narcissist Girlfriend,"I've been in an abusive relationship. She has acknowledged the abuse. We are a classic co-dependant / narcissist but it took me so long to discover because she is actually what is called a shy narcissist. There is a heavy amount of manipulation and it turns aggressive. I have read enough to know that my game here is boundaries. I would really appreciate any advice and help I can gain on the situation. She tests me constantly, creating drama, playing the victim/attacking me when i call her on something (calmly) when I assert a boundary, she can try a war of attrition, sometimes for days, where she withholds love and affection, blame-shifting. If she has been aggressive, I kick her out. She punished by ignoring the whole night. It's all very toxic, but I have been able to focus on myself. I have focused on myself enough some months ago, STFU, boundaries and focusing on me basically turned her around for a while, it was peaceful. Then I had this thought (unaware of the Covert Narcissist dynamic) that I wanted her to do this stuff and change because she cared, not because I changed how I was and she had to adapt. I have been co-dependant fixing poeple Beta my whole life. My mother basically ignored me until I was 22 and became useful as a savour to the family. Only now, through the grace of this DEFCON1 shit test cyclone relationship, I have found help reading NMMNG and WISNIFG. I've given her an option given the circumstances, and that is for me to start seeing other girls, and she pick up girls with me, and I go for what I want in life. I offered her to be my girlfriend and exclusive to me, where she goes through therapy (as well as me) and see if we can turn this co-dependant / narc fuck fest into a normal relationship. As the whole experience has left me feeling taken for granted, I want to refind my self before I met her and recapture my value. Narcs see you as a tool to be used rather than a human being. A little on Narcs. Narcs want SUPPLY. Supply is what they crave to validate their false self and keep their real shit underneath at bay. They defend or attack at the smallest criticism, no matter how diplomatic or abrasive it is. If frame is held well, things can land well. Other times, she tries to grab power by becoming aggressive. I know moving forward I will need exceptional frame, but I lose frame when I get stressed out, (which she does to stress me out tactically), but I think focusing on myself and getting that much needed healthy distance will be key. Anyway, if you don't give that supply to them, they will continually cause drama in a very manipulative, hard to detect way for covert narcs because it will seem like the drama has come up because of their own weakness or fragility, but really it's fragility weaponised. It's just straight up manipulation tactics. When I don't give in, she tries everything she can to get what she wants, a fight, attention, etc, and she regularly becomes aggressive following a boundary assertion. She has finished a book on abuse, but that may have been for show. Narcs do a lot for show to pull the partner back in after letting them down or being aggressive. She slowly starts to get physically violent, slamming doors, hitting things, etc. By using boundaries the screaming (very loud), and the rage outbursts have stopped. This taught me that she does not have BPD, as a BPD will outburst anywhere. She controls her behaviour when in the first cycle of abuse, and in public. She's a classic Narc, but a covert one. She is going to call an abuse perpetrator service over the next few days. She has learned to talk about her shame and read no more mr nice guy, and some other books. Will STFU, BOUNDARIES and IDGAF work, as I become less co-dependant and more focused on myself, it is like magnets? Will she then respond to therapy and start to show investment and care? I know this relationship is abusive, but I do want to know I gave it my all and tried everything before leaving it. I may be co-dependant beta, but my devotion to love is real. Even if that person is abusing me? She's literally out to get me, but it's not because she genuinely wants to hurt me. She does this because she is obsessed with power and control. She feels she needs it, and that she needs to manipulate inorder to survive, to fight and manipulate, to bring me down, in order to feel happy. It's a survival thing, even though the choice to become violent is hers, the narcissism is not. If she displays a motivation to go to therapy, as fucked up as this is, I want to support her. As a Narc she is putting up a serious fight for dominance. I feel the one way open relationship will balance this out if she goes for it. I have an idea that if I am alpha, built high value and give stable boundaries and consequences, lovingly, I could watch her slowly improve and start to use her emotional sensitivity for good. Any advice or yelling would be greatly appreciated, especially MRP dynamics that are at play that I am not seeing, and how they relate to a co-dependant / Narc. Maybe some of you will have the theory that she's only dong this because I am co-dependant beta and she wants to destory me? I don't even know, I haven't had enough experience with LTR.",,0,AddictionForPurpose,2020-07-31 22:19:19 askMRP,i0pg88,My Wife Asked for Couseling,"Alright guys, this is it. There have been a lot of things I’ve wanted to ask on here over the past few months, but she hit me with this today so I figured the time was right to ask for help. My wife and I were texting today, talking about how our needs were not getting met. She finally said, “We need counseling” “I’m not playing” “We need help through all this hurt” “Because I think we’re both hurt more than the other realizes” “And I’m scared” “Scared of not meeting your needs” “Scared of my needs not being met” “Scared of each of us belittling the other’s needs” “I just want and objective third party to help us” “To help me listen without breaking down” “To help you understand why some things are so important or hurtful to me” “To help us get back on track and have the great marriage we both want” I don’t want to go to counseling because many guys here have said it will just devolve into the counselor encouraging her to be solopsistic, global female imperative, yada yada. I am trying to bulk up, increase SMV (just got a new haircut that looks great) but somehow I feel like I’m running out of time. I don’t want her to lose patience with me as I become the Captain. In ways I have already lost patience with her but she is a reflection of me, so it’s my fault that my needs aren’t getting met. (And it’s my fault that hers aren’t getting met either.) My fear of counseling is that the counselor will convince my wife that her “needs” are for me to be sweet, mild, agreeable, when actually my wife really just needs me to become the best man I can be. Come on, bash me. Or give me some advice. I haven’t even responded to her text yet.",,17,LabelOtherSide,2020-07-30 16:47:18 askMRP,hze99b,Do I give my wife the emotional connection she is asking for,"I'm fairly new to RP (read MMSLP, part way through NMMNG) not lifting yet (hurt my arm + gyms closed due to Covid) but cycling 3 times a week, doing stomach crunches and I'm not much overweight. Trying to be more assertive. Overall I think the household culture is improving but still a long way to go (married 24 years and I've always been beta). Last night I tried to initiate sex, after sitting and chatting a little while, and she refused and said she just wanted to chat. I said that it was fine if she didn't want to have sex but that we'd already been talking for 30 mins so I would go and watch TV, which I did. This morning she came to me saying that she needs more emotional connection ie talking without sex on the agenda. I don't have any issue spending time talking with her but I said that I'm not interested in having to earn sex, ie if we spend enough time talking then she will deign to have sex (she got annoyed when I said that but seems to have calmed down). Should I give her some time tonight or should I do my own thing and wait till she comes to me. On a related note, when people say they reward their wife for good behaviour what does that mean in practice? Finally how do people select a small part of a post to reply to? Thank you",,9,Alf248365,2020-07-28 13:02:34 askMRP,hyitf3,I [33M] am 8 months into my MAP and I’m losing attraction & interest for my SO [28F] — looking for some outside opinions.,"**Stats**: - 33 years old - Lifting 4 days a week (sometimes 5 days a week) - 5’10, 189lbs, and 13.6% BF - 2 Plate Bench & 3 Plate DL - 1 day a week for cardio (stationary bike) **Books**: NMMNG, MMSLP, WISNIFG (70% finsihed), Rational Male (#1 & #2), and TMAP. **Sidebar Material**: 16 Commandments, ‘*”I get it!"" ""No, you really don't."" - Triadis3*’, and 60 Days of Dread. **Relationship**: Over four in a half years with my LTR [28F, we dated for around 6 months prior to getting into an LTR] & started my MAP 8 months back. --- Hi guys. I’m looking for some feedback on my situation right now. This might be a long read… As you can see from the info I shared above, I have been working on my MAP for around 8 months now. I initially found the MRP sub through spending a lot of time on Reddit searching through different posts around dealing with ‘attraction’, ‘sex life’, and other areas of LTRs. Weirdly enough, I was looking through the /r/relationships sub one day (almost a year back) when someone in the comment from a post mentioned the sidebar for the mrp sub(s). That’s how I found my way to this area of Reddit. One of the big issues I was dealing with in my LTR (at the time) was a mix of constant conflict & arguing, along with a deteriorating sex life that was, at most, two or three times a month, which kept getting worse. After spending a month digesting the mrp subs, which included reading through top posts on both subs (/r/marriedredpill & this one), I decided to take action. I bought NMMNG, TMAP, and MMSLP right away and got myself back into a more consistent workout/gym routine. Over the past 8 months of reading through some of the books on the sidebar, actively making more time to go and work out, and start going through the 60 Days of Dread, I have found myself feeling, looking, and acting **way** better. Not only has it showed in my relationship, where our sex life is around 4 to 5 times a week (at the moment) and my LTR seems to be acting way calmer around me and following my lead. But, I have seen it in my personal life as well. I find that every time I leave my place, whether its to do errands, hang out with friends, go shopping (I have been improving my wardrobe a lot) — whatever. I have been having a lot of great interactions with people that I come across (i.e. IOIs from other women, phone numbers, networking, etc.). Even though I am only 8 months through my MAP, I have noticed myself losing attraction to my SO for almost 2 months now. A lot of it started when I was pushing myself to be more social with new people and I was playing a lot of “Catch & Release”, which was something I learned from Rian Stone’s YouTube channel. The other week while I was doing some errands around getting new stuff for my place, I had two women that I was speaking with give me their numbers out of the blue. One of them was an early 20s retail worker, who I had around a 40 minute conversation with, while I was shopping for a new jacket. She mentioned that we should hang out and asked for my number to get together. I have always been surprised from some of these interactions. I’m not going to lie or deny it, it feels great getting attention from other women. Back in March, I noticed that my SO was getting pretty anxious around this whole pandemic situation, even though our relationship had improved in spades. My SO has a Brazilian background with lots of family living in and around Rio, which has made her concerned for them (rightfully so). Her cousins and family back in Brazil are doing well and she has been chatting with them fairly regularly on WhatsApp to check in with them. That being said, I found out around April that she started to take some medication around some anxiety she was dealing with, as well as starting to get into smoking weed on almost a nightly basis before coming to bed. She wasn’t taking anything (i.e. medications), nor was she smoking weed when we first got together. If she was doing this in the dating phase, I can almost say for certain that I would not of got into a relationship with her. I have been doing well when it comes to taking the lead around getting out of the house and going for hikes, going to the beach, small day trips to small towns around our area, etc., to get her out of the house and having fun. That being said, her attitude around everything has really been turning me off lately. I’m not complaining around the fact our sex life is almost on the daily and my STFUing has helped with no arguments or major drama to deal with anymore. But, her current lifestyle of staying up late by drinking and/or smoking weed, followed by her coming to bed later on in the evening is really making me lose attraction for her. I know I may sound like an asshole, but I’m starting to feel that if things don’t improve on her end, that it will be time to let her go. I love and care for my SO a lot. She is beautiful, very sweet and caring to me, and as I have gotten my act together over these last number of months, the relationship is even better (knowing all of this info) from when we originally got into our relationship. The thing is, I’m finding myself at a conflict knowing that I have been improving my overall life, raising my SMV, and understanding the dynamics around the sexual market place. I know that I can’t “save” or “tell my SO how to live her life”, which makes me wonder if the feelings I am dealing with right now are indications that I should pull the chord and move on. I would love some outside thoughts on my situation here; especially, from those of you here in LTRs and marriages where maybe you have had to deal with similar feelings and/or situations similar to mine. If you were in my spot, how would you broach the situation as a whole? As I mentioned before in my post, I’m pretty conflicted right now on the relationship as I have been improving my life quite a lot in the last number of months, with a special thanks to this sub and the sidebar. Thanks for reading.",,12,Mobile1Guy,2020-07-27 01:15:30 askMRP,hvt0mg,Married with Children,"I'll try to keep it brief. Married with one 2-year old daughter. I have a good full-time job and my wife is unemployed. I also lift about 5 days a week and she runs occasionally. We are both in our late 30's. You will understand this post better if you have children. The problem is my wife doesn't want to be a mother to our daughter. By that I mean she constantly ignores her and doesn't want to follow ""good parenting"" habits. The ignoring part gets to the point of neglect where I have to fill in when our daughter is calling my wife for something. By parenting habits I mean feeding habits, correcting our child when she does something wrong, teaching our child, guiding her, not arguing with me that it's OK to put lipstick (with chemicals) on her, not trying to make a 2-year old feel guilty about things that are not her fault, protecting her when she's about to fall, etc. My wife's negative behavior is an everyday thing. It's not just a once a week incident. It's not that my wife doesn't know any better, or that she's tired, or that doesn't she have the time, or that she is dumb. It's just that she doesn't want to be a parent. This would be easier to fix if she admitted it, but she doesn't. In fact, she's always bragging to people about the things that our child can do and even takes credit for the things that I showed our child to do. I've heard her lie on the phone saying ""I'm about to go take my child to do such and such"" but when the phone closes it's back to ignoring her. I understand the bragging and the lying but at least put some effort into being a good parent. Before we got married, she used to talk about how she would be the responsible parent and I the fun one. Right now I have to be both. So I really don't know what to do in this situation. As far as I know, we don't have a problem with sex. And if there were a problem, it would be easy to fix. Just literally leave the house for any reason, and her attitude changes. But I don't know how to change her attitude towards our daughter. I've tried stepping in when she ignores her (in fact I do this every day). I've tried telling her to stop ignoring her, don't feed her junk, stop yelling at the baby, etc. I've tried showing her articles online for specific parenting situations. None of it works. The point is she just doesn't want to be a good mother because there is no apparent threat against her for not being a good mother. She knows I can't just leave and mess up my daughter's life. So how can I get some leverage over her? How can I make her want to be a good mother or else she'll lose something? I realize that this is not an easy question to answer. At least not for me. Thanks in advance.",,20,simpleguy237,2020-07-22 12:37:31 askMRP,hvpxol,Women hate men especially the married ones in my country. Do single women hate married men?,"Hi all, I am 24 years old and married. I live in a country where most of men acts like beta, get jealous, kill women when they could not get what they want. A 27 y’o single girl was killed by a married guy 5-6 days ago. He cheats on his wife and wanted to date with that girl but he killed the girl when she said she could not date him because he was married. Now, all girls have been talking about married men. They say married men are son of a bitch etc. There are so many feminist women in my country and they dont like men, especially the married men. They think married guys are beta af. What do you think about that? Sometimes you give advices to some men here about dread. How can we apply dread if all women hate married guys? I know dread is not about only women, but I can’t even flirt with a girl easily. Only way to do that is to tell her that I am single. They always think that we will fuck them when they know we are married. Sometimes I hate men in my country.",,0,dbayraktar,2020-07-22 08:18:48 askMRP,hut6ys,Much younger women,I'm 36 and have been seeing a 21 year old girl for a few months now. She's hinted at being exclusive and I am considering it. My parents have a 15 year age difference and they've never had issues. I'm curious what other people's experiences have been with large age gaps.,,6,[deleted],2020-07-20 20:35:45 askMRP,ht1soe,Don’t Be Like Jack,"Hey guys. As some of you may of remembered, I submitted this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/hogqiw/so_upset_about_iois_from_neighbour/) last week. I got a lot of good feedback from you guys, which I really appreciate. I wanted to make this post to share what I tired with my SO around her hamster dealing with my neighbour (Jill), but I also wanted to share a story as a little reminder for all of us here (new & old). A couple of days after I made the post here on /r/askmrp, my SO brought up the neighbour (Jill) in a random discussion. This time around, I decided to try something different from AM & AA… A lot of you commented to initiate sex right there and then. Well? That’s exactly what I did. I kissed her - hard. Followed by taking off her clothes a fucking her right there and then in the living room and filled her up. I found it intriguing how she didn’t try and stop me. In fact, she encouraged it. Since then? Well, I haven’t heard of Jill’s name come out of my SOs mouth, but it’s only been a week since I last posted about it. I’ll give it time… Anyway, I wanted to thank some of you older and experienced mrp guys for the help. --- The main reason I wanted to make this post was to be a reminder for all of us here… Yesterday afternoon I wanted to edge and mow the lawn since it was a beautiful, sunny day. Where I live, we have had shit weather for the summer. It’s been raining constantly, a long with weekly thundershowers. Therefore, getting out and enjoying the sun, whether it’s for leisure or outside work is very limited right now. Since I work from home, I have a pretty flexible schedule. I try and get shit done during the day when I have breaks in-between meetings and client work. It was around 2ish (close to 3pm) when I decided to go out and mow the lawn. Where I live, our backyard areas are fairly small and there isn’t a lot of work to do to keep things up to date, but you gotta do what you gotta do. Since it was so fucking hot out (mid-30s Celsius), I decide to mow the lawn with my shirt off to get some sun. About halfway through mowing the lawn, as I go and clean up an area of my yard, my neighbour Jill walks out of her house to come over and chat with me. Right away she comments how the view was “too good” and she wanted to get a closer look. I told Jill that I should put her ass to work so she could help me out. She got a good laugh and was trying to make a lot of small talk. Anyway, I had to shut down the conversation with her after around 5 minutes since I wanted to finish up the yard. I kid you not, around 10 minutes later, Jill has her husband Jack out of the house to mow the lawn. She’s berating him, making fun of him, and yelling at him to tell him what he should be doing. By this point, I finished mowing the lawn and put all of my shit away. I was on my deck area drinking a Bubbly while I was watching this shit show unfold in-front of me. Not only was this woman yelling at him non-stop, but he was DEERing the entire time. Holy fuck. There was even a point where I heard her mention my name — not sure why. Either way, it was pathetic to see. One of the commenters (/u/tom-anonymous) on my original post made a [comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/hogqiw/so_upset_about_iois_from_neighbour/fxiz1zp/) that Jill seemed ripe for an affair. I completely agree with that assessment. During that dinner party a couple weekends back, I got to learn more info about Jack, Jill, and their marriage. --- **Breakdown**: - Jack: 29 years old, IT developer, beta bucks, bends the knee for Jill constantly, socially awkward, doesn’t lift, and is definitely Jill’s “safe” option. - Jill: 34 years old (HB7, brunette), government (office) worker, quickly settled down with Jack after she turned 31 years old (Jill told me she was ready), approaching/at the wall. After a year of being together, she mentioned that she gave him the ultimatum to commit or risk losing her. - Married for around 3 years now --- It seems really clear to me that Jack ~~is~~ **has always been** in the doghouse and that Jill is preparing to jump back on the cock carousel (if she hasn’t already). What’s sad to see here is how many guys are just run through the machine; especially, if they go through the divorce machine (as Rich Cooper talks about in his videos). I bet if Jack took control of his life, had a MAP, lifted heavy, built his framework, and stopped pedestalizing Jill (all women for that matter) that he would be in a better position. Unfortunately, I doubt that will ever happen… Jill has her own personal plow horse. As I mentioned before, I wanted to share this as a reminder to keep pursuing excellence within your own life and MAKE YOURSELF the priority. Hit the sidebar, lift heavy, and keep improving. Oh? You have done that? Hit the sidebar again, and again, and again, and again. That sidebar is your fucking friend. You fucking hit that sidebar. Don’t be like Jack.",,34,SamHighway,2020-07-17 19:09:38 askMRP,hr0lcl,My wife friend,"Hi guys So my wife hase a female friend that told her once that she would be happier if my wife was alone than with me. My wife said nothing. But since her friend wasn’t ok with our relationship they didn’t see each other for 2 months. They started to see again few weeks ago. I told my wife that there is no problem but that I don’t want to see her, and don’t want to interact with her friend. It is over for me. Yesterday she told me that her friend will come at home the day I am off to chill out. And that I have the choice either to see her or to leave the house when she is here. How would you react to this ?",,2,hemodia,2020-07-14 12:28:22 askMRP,hpr66m,How do you react or respond when someone hits/flirts with your wife?,"You know those situations where when a guy and your wife are having a friendly conversation in a public setting, and they get lost in their own little world. Your name might be mentioned. They look at you, and then they quickly look back at each other. Should you simply ignore it or intervene at some point?",,14,ShiningShrine,2020-07-12 08:39:33 askMRP,hpbhjx,Should the wife take a new job during Covid?,"I am 39 and wife is 39. Married 9 years. We have 3 kids: 6, 3.5 and 1.5 years old. I took the pill 3 years ago. Read the side bar 2x and revisit books. STFU. Lift regularly. Have a rack and home gym and have been doing the Arnold lifting for mass program at home. Recently been lifting 5 days a week and added 7 lbs. I took my wife on a date the other week. Didn’t want to do restaurants due to C-19 so put a mattress in the back of the van and drove to a secluded spot overlooking the beach, ate some sushi we picked up. I brought a bullet vibrator; one thing leads to another and we had some fun anal sex in the back of the van. Life has been good thanks to the sidebar and self improvement. Since taking the pill I started my own business about 2.5 years ago and things have gone well. I do have concerns currently about the economy and how C-19 will affect my business which I discuss with my business partner and we strategize how to maneuver in a new business environment. When baby #3 arrived, my wife stopped working and just recently went back to work 1 day per week as an outlet away from the kids. Regarding my business, I do not anticipate making much money for the next 12 months due to the pandemic. Financially, I have about 2 years of expenses saved up. That said, my wife was just offered a pretty solid job as a nursing supervisor which she did not apply for. It would be a 4 day a week position. She does not seem too excited about working 4 days. If it was 3 days it would be much better. Some goals I have are to buy a larger home, stop paying out of pocket medical insurance which runs me $2,100 per month and could be covered by a benefited position from wife, and open college savings plans for my kids. My wife was not anticipating going back to work in a full-time capacity for another year. Anyway, you know where I am going with this… should I encourage my wife to take the job? To me it seems like a smart business decision to take the job considering the unknown future or should I just say; “fuck it, I got this babe” in an uncertain business environment. As much as I really would like to have the money from her working to put towards my goals and cover my downside, I am concerned that unless she really likes the job she will be resentful for me telling her to take it. In addition, I am aware that adding fatigue and stress into the equation isn’t likely to get me laid more. That said, as the leader of our family I am also thinking about what is the best financial decision. At this time the potential economic impacts of the pandemic are concerning to me and it is very possible that in a year from now I haven’t made much money and we are just burning through cash. So, I am curious if anyone else has been through this or had any helpful insights?",,3,LaxerCA,2020-07-11 15:06:49 askMRP,hogqiw,SO Upset About IOIs From Neighbour,"**Rundown**: 32 years old, 6’1, 193lbs, Lifting 4 to 5 times a week, 11% BF (lean/athletic build) **Sidebar**: NMMNG, WISNIFG, RM (#1 & #2), Book of Pook, 48 Laws of Power, and working on The Way of The Superior Man. I am also subscribed to Rian Stone & Rich Coopers YouTube channels. **Relationship**: SO 28 years old (plated for 9 months prior, LTR for almost three in half years now) --- Hi there. I have been hitting the sidebar for almost a year and a half now, even though I have much, much more work to do. I have been journaling on a regular basis (week to week/monthly) to review my individual progress within myself. I have made sure that STFU has been my best friend once I discovered the main /r/marriedredpill sub a year and a half back. I came for the usual BS that most guys do here, which is basically becoming a beta male plow horse who continues to become unfuckable. I would like some feedback on a situation that I was involved in last weekend, as I noticed my SOs hamster has been going off all week… As most of you know, this past weekend was a long weekend (North America). For the fact that we had a holiday on Wednesday (Canada Day), it made me have a shorter week work-wise even though it has been like that because of this whole pandemic issue. Anyways, we had new neighbours move into the house next-door back in January/February. For fun, let’s call them Jack & Jill (early 30s, married couple). I have got to know both of them on a pretty friendly level where whenever I bump into them outside, I will have a casual conversation. Part of this was because I have been forcing myself (for over 6 months now) to be social with whoever I bump into once I leave my house (part of my MAP). When I ran into Jill at the end of last week (Thursday), we chatted for a few minutes before I had to head out do some errands and she mentioned to me that they were having a small get together on Saturday night with a couple of our other neighbours and a few of their close friends. She wanted to invite me and the SO. I agreed and said it would be fun to get out and meet some new people. Jill insisted on my number so she could text me the details, even though I told her to just give me a date/time when it was on Saturday night. The next day, Jill started texting me a lot asking if there were any kinds of alcohol I wanted, what kind of food I wanted to eat, basically, just a bunch of random BS questions. Whatever - texting is for logistics and I end up responding by telling her that we would see you and Jack tomorrow night. My SO was pretty excited for the get together since we were getting out of the house to enjoy a fun evening. Once we arrive at Jack & Jill's place, it started to become obvious to me that Jill was giving me lots of IOIs; especially, when she was touching my biceps, lower back, and really trying to extend/have long conversations with me. At first, I thought she was just being friendly, but it became clear that she seemed interested in me when she was touching my arms and saying how she wished Jack worked out and ate better. Even though I was being social with everyone who was there, it didn’t take long for Jill to find her way to get close to me, or even move aside her friend while we were eating dinner to sit next to me. My SO definitely noticed the IOIs and made a comment to me later on in the evening (at home) that Jill was hitting on me. This got worse after Jill sent me a text the following day (Sunday), which she said: “It was so great having you over! We will have to do these get-togethers more often! ;)”. When she saw that text, she went absolute ape even though I just STFUed the entire time. The thing is, my SO has been hamstring on her all week. She even tried to make a fight about buying Comet and bathroom cleaner into the fact that Jill was flirting with me. I did make a joke that I was thinking about renting out the spare room to Jill if she and Jack didn’t work out, which left me with a good laugh. For you experienced mrp men, what’s the best way to deal with your SO/wife/girlfriend who is constantly harping on the same issue over and over again. I’m just STFUing and throwing in the odd chirp and joke, but she has been referencing Jill on a daily basis at this point that it’s just laughable. Any thoughts or feedback on what I can add to the arsenal? Thanks, guys. --- **EDIT**: Thanks for all of the feedback & entertaining comments, guys! I will keep in mind everything that was mentioned here. Thank you all for taking out the time.",,22,SamHighway,2020-07-10 02:27:02 askMRP,hmd749,How to show praise over progress,"My wife has been showing more interest in dressing up, making more sexual comments towards me, and has been reacting warmly to my advances. She has been wearing things I’ve asked her to wear (that she didn’t want to wear years ago) and has been talking about getting in shape after the baby is born. I have been so pleased with her level of enthusiasm. She even recently spent money to buy some beauty products and has been applying them regularly. When she does these things, I can tell she is seeking approval by facing me, angling her body towards me or by stating her plans to improve her body in a questionative way, and I always respond with, “cool, that’s great babe, I’m proud of you taking care of yourself, you are lookin fine, that’s my pretty girl” etc etc. Today she broke down and said “I don’t want to wear (random item)” and “I try so hard to look beautiful for you” and “I don’t want to look like a (common term for a HB 10)” Am I not showing enough attention, since that’s her main currency that she wants? Am I not praising her enough? How do I keep encouraging her as she makes these commitments to be an attractive female? What’s the deal here? She said “your standards are just so high.”",,22,LabelOtherSide,2020-07-06 18:34:10 askMRP,hj7xe6,"Hanging on by a thread, must need a MAP","I'm 37, she's 35, we have three kids aged between 3 and 8. About 8 months ago my partner told me out of the blue she wants to break up. It prompted much analysing of myself and a huge number of arguments and me working on improving myself and me spying on her stuff to realise she had been having what redditors appear to call an emotional affair with some guy and the thrust in that relationship seemed to be mainly from her. Though she says it wasn't an emotional affair, but it does seem to &#x200B; We talked a great deal, I get panic attacks whenever she says she's going to leave. She explains why she thinks she fell out of love with me. We had just moved to a new city, a boring one, I had kind of not really been engaged with her and the kids as much as I could have been. I'd finished work, come home, and play a few hours of video games. I'd let her handle the admin stuff of the house for years. I'd say I had some anxiety problems and to even make a call to get something done would result in me having an internal struggle and avoid doing it. &#x200B; When she told me she wanted to breakup everything changed in me. My anxiety vanished, I can call whatever whenever, lost interest in computer games, started trying to figure out how to improve myself, told her about my improvements, started being engaged with her and the kids, but I also would get all clingy and desperate and beg for her love and horrible crap like that &#x200B; It was some kind of break down. We spent the past eight months having periods of quiet during which things would appear to improve, then I'd get triggered by her 'friendship' with the guy and then I'd go into the negative parts described above. Then every so often she would push the idea of us separating in some form or other and often I'd have some kind of panic attack. During that period she still let me touch her and we'd have sex maybe twice a month. &#x200B; Where am I now. We're still together, a few weeks ago we had another big argument when she floated her latest separation idea and I again had some kind of panic attack and also did a huge amount of moralising telling her what a terrible person I thought a person who would do that was, there was shouting and it was horrid. &#x200B; Since then she's stopped letting me touch her but things are still civil, she also seems to have built some distance with her guy friend. We went on a day drip the past weekend which resulted in some passionate sex and since then I've been able to touch her briefly but she's still quite cold towards touch. &#x200B; To be fair I've been searching for this subreddit for months now and I'm glad to have found it. I've started reading No more Mr Nice guy, I've bought and can't wait to get Married Man Sex life primer, and I have read a few other relationship books. But I'm hanging on by a thread here. &#x200B; Definitely need the MAP but I can't find where to get started with making one, is there a make your MAP guide I'm missing or have I not worked my way through enough of the sidebar yet?",,14,PrinceOfCupsMrp,2020-07-01 10:47:48 askMRP,hirar0,Doomed to beta-dom?,"Trying to figure out if marriage is recoverable. Wife is ex-slut. I got married to her long before exposure to RP practices, thought having an 'experienced' woman was, like, progressive, or something. Fast forward five years. The other night, we're having a conversation about our sex life. She tells me, ""well, I chose you because I was attracted to you but I didn't go dick-crazy for you in a destructive way like I did with previous relationships,"". Translation: ""I chose you because you were inherently beta-izable."" Is that the right translation? She did have a history of destructive relationships, which seems to have ended with me. So in a sense, I'm doing my job. I'm keeping her from being an asshole to the rest of the world, it seems. She's actually a very positive influence in many people's lives since our marriage. Been focusing on getting my shit together for about a year now, some progress. But the question is, even with all this progress, if I've been chosen based on being beta-izable (and clearly exist largely for comfort, to which she is insanely attached), does that even matter? What the hell is going on, what should I do?",,6,zuhal93,2020-06-30 17:00:56 askMRP,hfwv20,RP that somehow became BP,"Was RP without even really knowing it throughout my teens and 20s. Did my thing. Lived my life. Hobbies. Education. Career building. Met my wife. Fucked constantly, publicly and dirty. She was happy tagging along and was happy to stay at home and be led. Fast forward to now. Somehow I BPd myself along the way. The sex. The intimacy. My hobbies. Everything got pushed back or dropped until now I do almost none of those things. It got so bad that I actually had 'the talk' with my wife about our sex life. Yeah. I did that. So now I'm waking back up. Rekindling old friendships. Hitting the gym. Reading. Taking up new shit. Trying to find that man again. Dropping the faggotry. My question is, having started reading actively again, what are some good resources to turn to? I'm pretty new to the active RP community so I'm unfamiliar with the literature. I want to do this right.",,12,Idigabighole,2020-06-25 23:42:46 askMRP,hfb81t,Should i tell my Ex about my worries regarding Corona ?,"So my Ex whom i share two kids with doesn't give a fck about corona. She believes in homeopathy and that all this corona thing is a lie. I have asthma and live with my parents in one house and i'm also worried about my children. We live in a small town and my Ex visits her fwb regularly ( who lives 120 miles away, big city ) whenever i have the kids or they are with their grandparents. She takes the train which also increases the risk to get infected. I don't make the intention that i care about that but i told her one time that she should be more careful because of covid and that me, my family and the kids could get covid through her. Some of my family members even advised me to not take my kids as long as this virus is going around. I really don't want to do that.. What would you do? I will pick up my kids on friday and im thinking about talking to her again regarding this issue. Is this a good idea or unnecessary and what can i do else?",,3,antioch94,2020-06-24 22:44:21 askMRP,heto3x,Preparing for divorce,"I am just looking for any pointers or general advice as I get ready to split from my marriage. New to TRP. Have read Rational Male and Preventative Medicine. I’m half way through the sidebar. I’m 46. Married for 20 years. Two daughters aged 17 and 13. I’m white and my wife is black. Had a lot of sex when we were dating. Were together for a few years before we got married. Wife has always been a ball buster. She was crazy in the beginning; we would argue and she would through shit but we would make up and it was pretty much okay. There were some red flags but I was trying to prove to myself I could maintain a relationship. I thought that her demanding nature was a good yin to my yang and would keep me on track. I joined the military and proposed when you came to visit me. She really wanted kids. It was earlier than I wanted but got okay with it. I went back to school (law school) and it was a hard four and half years. During this time she was VERY concentrated on our kids. I was always gone or studying. We weren’t going out. Sex became more and more rare. Cut to the last 7 years, sex maybe once or twice a year. I moved to the back room. I don’t wear my ring. I told her I wanted to end the marriage. She went crazy. Threatened to divorce rape me. I agreed to try counseling once more hopefully to get us on good terms so we could mediate and work on an amicable split. Counseling was basically her venting but wasn’t doing anything about the issues I had. Honestly, I have no desire to stay with her and have only stayed this entire time because I have been afraid of a custody fight, seeing my daughter’s less and because I make a lot more money than she does. Until recently I don’t even think I could afford to pay her support and still have enough money to survive. So counseling has been on hold since quarantine. We’ve been fighting a lot lately. We got into several fights over race. She wants to talk about, watch, listen to, stew about violence against black people every moment of every day. Nothing I do is enough and she accuses me of white privilege for my lack of emotion and anger the way she feels right now. I’m ready to let her know I’m done. My daughter’s birthdays are in May and June so I’m trying to wait until that’s done. I’m leaving to visit my elderly parents after and will be gone for two weeks. My plan is to come back and have the conversation (again). This time will not be a negotiation but I will try to get her to agree to mediation. If she refuses I will file myself. My oldest daughter will be in college in a year so I would rather not hire lawyers but will do it if needed. So, anything I need to do? I’m 100% in my head every second of every day. Just trying to actually do this because I’ve been on the fence for years.",,23,The_new_Todd,2020-06-24 03:47:57 askMRP,hcv8p3,Affection and Flirting,Any idea how much is enough?,,10,[deleted],2020-06-20 22:34:13 askMRP,hcty2k,There was a book recommendation in a post. Cant find it any help?,"It was about the secret inside world of female texts/messaging. Book shows their their conversations",,0,g4l4xy36,2020-06-20 21:16:23 askMRP,hc1rnb,Getting out of the comfort zone,"I am still early on in my journey, I have read NMMNG, MAP, MMSLP. Am working on WISNIFG and Models. I really am only 6 or 7 weeks in and running dread/map. I have been working out and loosing weight (30lbs down). One of my biggest obstacles that I will face coming up is my social anxiety. I have joined a toastmaster club as a start and am enjoying that. But I feel like that while that is a good step, it is just a small one and a start. As I progress I will need to challenge myself more. I am looking for ideas on ways to get out of my comfort zone and work on my social skills and game. My question is, what clubs, activities, events have you done or would recommend?",,5,Bluejuju543,2020-06-19 14:34:52 askMRP,hachcn,Young guy (26) has serious problems with Ex ( mom of his kids),"Hi i'm new here. I posted on ASKtrp today and they told me to post my issue here because you guys are more experienced on these kinds of things i guess. I'm 26 and met this girl when i was 19. She comes from a broken, fatherless household with 2 siblings from 2 other dads. I didn't know anything about women back then so ignored all the Red Flags. I', from a conservative strict household. She was the second girl who liked me and she did everything for me. We got in a relationship and after some month she got pregnant. I was shocked, she didn't want an abortion and i accepted that. I went to my father and explained him the situation. He got upset and tried to convince me to convince her of abortion. I tried that but she didn't accept that. So i offered her to be responsible for her and the kid if she promises me to be a good mom. We made a small ceremony within the family and moved in together. Our child was born after some month. Everything was fine. I was working at that time. After about 2 years she decided to leave me. She took our car+ kid and drove 120 miles away to her grandparents. I wasn't unguilty, didn't treat her always well, was beta and lazy. Just went to work and basically thought that i could live with her like my parents lived together. I begged her back after she left me of course that didn't work. I had to move back to my parents but i stayed in contact with her. She treated me like shit. Finally she offered me to move near her grandparents so we can build up our relationship again. ( Found out later that she had a branch to swing already ) I accepted that. My parents didn't like that idea but i did it anyways. So i moved to her new area and tried to get her back but she wasn't really interested. I was her doormat, we fucked every now and then, sometimes she ignored me for days and weeks. I was depressed and lazy. She was my only target in life. After some time i found out she's fucking with a bunch of other guys and she admitted that, even flaunted it in my face. I remember one time i picked up my kid and i checked her phone. She texted a guy: '' Come fuck me when my Ex is away with the kid ''. They texted dirty shit and at that time we were '' working on our relationship ''. I got upset and beated the shit out of her. That wasn't the only traumatic experience for me. I turned into her cuck. I even took her back after all that and we moved in together. We lived together for a year and she got pregnant again. She started getting cold when she was in her late pregnancy and left me again when our son was born. I found out that she was texting other men again. I moved back to my parents. I'm living there currently. They help me to build myself up. After a year or so she decided to move back also to my city but she has her own place with our kids. She lives 2 miles away from me now. I was talking to her before she moved back here to my city and she even told me that she has a fuckbuddy who doesn't want to commit to her and that he's 1000 times better than me etc. But she would still do me a favour and try the family thing again with me if i promise her to be a good boy and treat her like a queen. She still is with this guy i think. Because she always tries to dump the kids on me and '' visit her grandparents ''. This was the time i found out about the Red Pill and i declined. Since i found the Red Pill i didn't do any Beta shit towards her even though i had this feelings for her. But my rational side couldn't allow me to act THAT beta again. So my current situation is: I have 50/50 custody for both kids, i'm working on all areas of my life basically trying to do all the stuff i learned from RP. I push myself everyday to become a better version of myself and i focus on myself. I know that i ruined my life and you can tell me whatever you want.. My latest problem with my Ex is this : [https://www.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/ha2nei/ex\_behaves\_like\_a\_cunttreats\_me\_bad\_even\_though/](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/ha2nei/ex_behaves_like_a_cunttreats_me_bad_even_though/) What should i do in this f'd up situation?",,1,antioch94,2020-06-16 20:52:30 askMRP,h0f845,Question: Career Decisions,"I posted this question on MRP the other day, and didn't realise this sub existed, so I'm posting it here on the referral of Horns. To preface, I'm in this sub as a 21 year old guy because I know that the average age of users here is much older than on the main RP Subs, and since this question is one answered from experience, I feel this is the place to go for the best responses. It is important to me that I generate a good career. Vital, even. I have recently graduated with a degree in Engineering with first class honors, and I feel I'm in a good spot. However, I've always had anxiety about having to commit to a career and choosing the right one. Please note that the fact I'm in the UK has a pretty major impact here, because salaries seem to be warped like crazy compared to the US, as I'll note below. Something else I desire in my career is to travel, but that is kinda secondary to money. What sort of positions are the guys in who are flying to Hong Kong, NYC, etc? That'd be the dream. Firstly, my education in Engineering has lead me to the decision that I don't really want to go into design. On the AskTRP sub, people were telling me about how I should do Engineering for the money... [Here you go](https://www.payscale.com/research/UK/Job=Mechanical_Engineer/Salary) . After 10 years experience, you're making the equivalent of 65k USD. Brilliant. Something that does actually really appeal to me is Engineering Sales, at least on paper. I've been hanging around r/Sales recently, and people are boasting $100K+ USD Salaries by their Mid 20's, with some earning considerably more than even this. Job websites say you're starting on $60k+ USD. [In the UK](https://www.payscale.com/research/UK/Job=Sales_Engineer/Salary) . I see lots of people in r/Sales also saying that they wouldn't even bother doing the job with all its stress if they were only earning $80k USD, which is slightly more than the peak salary after 10 years in the UK... I know Sales can be polarising, where you're making a lot if you're good, but if I'm only making, say, 90k (50% more than shown max, unrealisitc), would that really be worth the stress that would come with it? Then, we have accounting. Lots of accounting firms nearby where I live, full training to chartership available through their schemes, and here not only is the average salary with Chartership £90k, that's actually the average wage, with job search sites showing a slew of positions for £90k + by your Mid 20s. Issue is, I've been told accounting is boring as fuuuuuck. Not ideal, but honestly its the only thing I've been able to find that fits. Also no travelling really. I understand you'll be making more in all of these positions as you take on a more managerial roles as your career progresses, but I still imagine trends will hold true. I feel like I'm well setup to go in and smash this shit out of the park, I just don't know where the hell to aim. I'm really willing to put the work in and grind my way, I'm not asking for a freebie here, but does anyone have any suggestions from their experience as to a good area to look at?",,10,Socawo,2020-06-10 17:11:55 askMRP,gyur4m,What's a man to do? (Victim Puke),"**This is my victim puke, there's a lot of puke...plus some vomiting and diarrhea.** Me: Age 34, height 6', weight 183 lbs, 13.5% bf STBXW: Age 32, married 3 years, together 8, no kids, currently separated Lifts (pre-covid19): SL5x5 lbs SQ 245, DL 300, BN 195, RW 155, OP 115 Read: NMMNG, WISNIFG, MMSLP, TRM, TWOTSM, POON, POOK, BLS, MAP **TLDR:** Got married, wife cheated, became depressed, fucking hurts, now rebuilding. **Background:** New account but been lurking for past year, discovered this place when my STBXW was acting up and I was searching for answers. I come from middle-class, conservative, religious background, gynocentric family but still together, good relations with them, had fun with many women in my 20's, worked my way up to the top career-wise. STBXW comes from upper-class, beautiful, low n-count, but family has background of drama, cheating, lying, and divorce, bad relations with them. **Early Relationship:** I was really happy with my unicorn. I gave her my time, attention, energy, and commitment. There were moments where she acted up, we fought, and made up. In retrospect, some of these situations were red flags early in the relationship. Caught her ""hanging out"" with her ex-bf once without telling me, sending a suggestive photo to an orbiter, keeping orbiters around and hanging out with them (sometimes alone) when I'm busy with my mission, giving out contact info to men who hit on her, male attention seeking, attempts to knock me down a peg when we were in front of friends/family (do you really need to shit test me in front of my relatives?). I called her out on this stuff and most of it seemed to be corrected. When things were good, they were really good, felt like the best thing that ever happened to me, lots of love and affection, both motivated to improve, amazing sex. When things were bad they were really bad, disrespect, telling me how other guys would treat her better, that she wanted to start over, that I am controlling and insecure, uses examples from friends to justify shitty behavior (e.g. her friend's boyfriend is too controlling/insecure because he doesn't let her go out and party with guys). These sorts of fights happened a couple times where I drew boundaries but was still pushed to a point that I said I can't do this anymore and left. I had no trouble getting someone new within a week or two. She and/or I would reach back out every time and we would make up. **Recent Relationship:** Fast forward a few years, we kept it going and eventually moved in together, career was going great, things were good but there were also a couple big fights where she was being disrespectful again. It was In the recent years, she got a little more ambitious and told me her plans of transitioning to a more competitive field with higher pay. I thought this was a good thing and that it was a result of my positive influence on her to be better. I supported her a lot during this time despite my extremely highly demanding job, I spent my time and energy and helped her take the necessary steps to make this happen. In retrospect, I should have been helping myself more, where would I be now if I continued on my mission of reaching the next level of my career? Things seemed to be going well and I was getting strong hints about our future, so I ended up proposing, and we got married. Soon afterwards, she eventually got her new high paying competitive job and was making good money (still less than me but getting closer). This was great and we were both very happy to have the large bump in combined income to enjoy as a young married couple. Everything was going in the direction I wanted which was to use our joint income to travel around the world for a couple years while saving up for future plans of buying a house and having a family. About a year goes by, I continue working at my company which was beginning to cause too much stress so I decided to begin searching for a new role, I let my STBXW know of this and some frustration likely spilled into our relationship. At the same time, STBXW career was on the rise and she started developing closer bonds with this new social group. There were more and more work related events, going out, drinking/partying, late nights working at the office. I communicated my concerns. At some point I noticed that my STBXW was acting up: lack of sex, disrespect, fights, arguments, spaced out at times, protective of phone, getting in shape. My gut knew that something was wrong but I also kept my head in the sand for a few reasons: 1) to protect my ego, 2) didn't have the balls nor options to walk away, 3) continued on my mission. **D-day 1:** I rarely checked phone/internet in the past but my spider senses were tingling so I decided to verify. I got hold of her phone and went through her messages and saw some evidence of an affair with a co-worker. I flipped out on her and demanded to know what the fuck was going on. She cried, apologized, and admitted to sleeping with him only once and it meant nothing. What I felt in that moment is the worst pain I have ever felt in my life, just thinking about it now gives me anxiety. I could not mentally grasp what had happened. My past, my future, all wiped out in an instant. My heart, stomach, lungs, brain were in physical pain and felt like they stopped functioning. I tried to be a man and control my emotions in front of her but whenever I was alone by myself in the shower, I cried. We spend the next few months to try and figure things out, consider reconciling, do some counseling, have hysterical bonding. I am miserable at home with STBXW and just in mostly in a state of shock, rage, depression, confusion, despair, hate, guilt, worthlessness. I tell her that she needs to cut off all communication with the guy, stop hanging out with all her co-workers that encouraged her to cheat (fuck all those low-life scum), give me all passwords, set up marriage counseling, and do individual therapy. She cut off communication with AP but half-assed the other requests. I got some trickle truth later on and found out the affair actually started earlier than what she initially said and they had sex more than once. **D-day 2:** A couple more months pass and I am still very much in PTSD, depressive, and anxious state. I lost touch with a lot of close friends over the years but I reached out and a couple of them are willing to meet up and listen to my problems. STBXW is putting in more effort but is also trying to rug sweep and dismiss my deep feelings of betrayal and trauma. A lot of blame-shift happens, how she doesn't feel equal to me, that I never listen to her, she felt she was not enough, I'm not the man she married, ILYBINILWY a couple times. There were a ton of shit tests, comfort test, and shitty/comfort test. She brought up divorce a few times which I didn't entertain. I eventually discover she and AP started talking again and my heart breaks all over again. I didn't mention it to her and tried my best to hold frame and not engage in her fights. At one point she blows up at me with some bullshit argument and leaves the for a weekend and doesn't respond to my messages or calls. When she gets back I ask her what the fuck happened, where she stayed, and who she was with. She said she stayed at her sister's place and doesn't admit to doing anything wrong. Around this time I was a in very dark place. I had thoughts of murderous rage, anger, death, and was perhaps slightly suicidal, e.g. I would hope that a truck would run me over while I crossed the road or that the plane I was on while traveling for work would crash. **D-day 3:** I decide to focus more on myself at this point trying to cope with the depression, emotions, trauma, and continue my mission of looking for a new job. STBXW is putting in effort and eventually switched departments in the company so now at least there is some more separation from AP. Things seemed to be getting back to normal although I honestly don't know what normal is anymore. She tells me she is going to visit her mother who lives in another state for a few days as her mother hasn't been feeling well. I say OK and continue to work on myself by lifting, reading, meditating, etc. When she got back, things seemed to be moving along as usual. However, I noticed some slight inconsistencies in her story so I decided to snoop around. I found out she did not go and see her mother but in fact went to another location which she completely lied about. I also found out AP was switching jobs and relocating so I suspect this was some kind of final tryst before he moved away. I don't have any evidence that she cheated again but the stories did not much up and I caught her in yet another lie. I flipped out on her and tell her that this is the last straw and the marriage is over and to pack her stuff and leave. She cries, begs, and pleads but denies any wrong-doing, eventually she packs up and leaves to stay at her sister's place. **Present Day:** Another few months move along while STBXW and I are separated. She tries to reach out and be apologetic, we spend some time together, hysterical bonding, shitty/comfort tests. I go through cycles of extreme bouts of rage and then denial and then depression and then numbness. All this has taken it's toll on me mentally and emotionally, performance at work became complete shit and I eventually lost my job. The part that gets to me is that STBXW didn't leave me when I lost my job, she left me even before that. I saw the writing on the wall at work but it was still devastating to me. I decide to spend most of my time fixing this area while also staying physically fit, saving money, and at this point I don't really focus too much on trying to keep my failed marriage together anymore. I have never been unemployed like this before and, being a conscientious person, it was brutal for me. However, I am highly optimistic about my job prospects and I also have my financials in order so that I can take care of rent/bills/food for a long period of time without worry. Some time passes and I have a few unofficial standing offers in the pipeline as a result of my earlier efforts. **Now What:** I struggle daily with the cognitive dissonance and incongruence between my values of honesty, honor, loyalty, commitment, family, what it means to be a man -versus knowing the things that my STBXW has done, a partner that I willingly chose to marry, being that stupid gullible ""nice-guy"", having to abandon someone whom I still love, all the time spent with/on that person, idealization of what our future could have been. I feel shame, guilt, and utter disgust with both her and myself. Mixed in there is probably a lot of deep-rooted issues that I have with covert contracts, co-dependency, and lack of self-respect. I realize I could have been better and perhaps prevented the downward spiral into hell. There were some red flags and red areas in my life like my job, some yellows like fitness and social, which all conflated together... eventually my relationship turned red too. Not sure which caused which but the past year and a half have been a draining cycle of negative energy. Surely, these were a series of multiple failed attempts to get me to ""kill the puppy"" and perhaps some signs of personality disorder. Or maybe hypergamy and how women won't marry down, only up and across (AP was wealthy). Or maybe I just began to let things slide and became a complete beta-bucks and STBXW is just AWALT. I don't know. I do know that I am tired of being in a constant state of fear, anger, and suffering without much meaningfulness. It's been over a year since d-day and it still hurts like a motherfucker. Does being better and staying ever work? How do I deal with the crippling pain and all of the intense negative emotions that I continue to experience? What's a man to do?",,5,ragnar_114,2020-06-08 07:39:46 askMRP,gv9zin,Cannot stand my pregnant wife.,"I'm 27, 5ft10, 185lbs. Lift 5 times a week. 2 plate bench, 3 plate squat, 4 plate dead. 16-17 body fat. Having sex a 2-3 times a week. My wife is about 22 weeks pregnant and I cannot stand the sight of her. She is constantly looking to pick a fight over any little thing she can, and then bark at me like a dog for the rest of the day. She resents my STFU specifically because she wants some kind of reaction. When I don't cave in, she uses her ace which is taking our son to his parents. She has me by the balls here because I love my son and I hate to be apart from him. Previously I have stood in her way when she threatened to take him, and she threatens to call the police. We all know how that would go. But nothing gives her pause to self reflect. She is incapable of realising what a huge bitch she is being. No matter how much I STFU, stay out of her way, take my boy out, lift, work.. she is convinced I'm the monster out to fuck her life. And the craziest shit is, in company, she can flip 180 totally and be the sweetest little thing. If I didn't have a kid with this woman, and another on the way, I would have left by now. Has anybody dealt with this before? She is pregnant, but the level of abuse and disrespect is nothing short of the product of a diseased mind. The pregnancy cannot be an excuse. I have no idea what to do though.",,13,inshallahmode,2020-06-02 16:02:58 askMRP,gtl7pc,Turned down sex and really upset him. What can I say to make it up to him?,"I had a bad day yesterday. Like lose my job bad. Sudden, unexpected change of career. He came over and he was upset about his bad morning. I didn’t get the comforting I was hoping for but that’s ok. Then I dropped and broke an antique. Then he tried to initiate rough sex and I wasn’t expecting it. I say I reacted with surprise and a little fear, he says “revulsion and disgust”. He’s so upset. I feel so bad about it. I have a personal policy of never turning him down, but I was woozy and totally caught off guard. I completely deny revulsion and disgust but I accept that that’s what he interpreted. We’ve since had sex, but he’s still all fucked up from the rejection. He doesn’t trust me anymore and he’s saying he doesn’t want to initiate. I’m going to try to initiate more. He tried to not respond when I kissed him but I’m going to keep going after him. Besides initiating, reminding him I love and want him and telling him I’m sorry, is there anything I I can do or say to help fix this? I’m asking y’all because I don’t trust the rest of reddit to give advice to a happy submissive woman about a relationship with a real man.",,0,CeruleanRabbit,2020-05-30 20:31:00 askMRP,glhe6v,Upgrading my home gym weight set,"I am very close to outgrowing my starter 1"" weight set and looking to upgrade. I did some research and looked at a lot of items but I don't have faith in a lot of what I saw, especially taking price/quality into concern. I was going to buy a 300lb Olympic set with barbell, but that was a)$700 and b) seemed like garbage. So then I thought about a 700lb barbell capacity (which was less than $150 on Amazon) but then need to get a weight set separately. And that was not easy to find either. So, I wanted to get recommendations from the crowd here on the following, and I am working on the assumption this will be the last upgrade I buy: - 700 lb capacity barbell vs lower ones? I will never lift 700 pounds but concerned about the 300 pound capacity being poor quality. This is what I was looking at: https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B088CXV8ZY/ref=ox_sc_act_image_1?smid=ATVPDKIKX0DER&psc=1 - other option: buy some 45/50 pound 2"" plates and use them for now on my 1"" barbell -here is the 300 pound set that I assume is bad value for the money: https://www.amazon.com/CAP-Barbell-Olympic-Weight-Medium/dp/B004X1688A/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=300+pound+olympic+weight+set&qid=1589729602&sprefix=300+pound+&sr=8-1 I am willing to pay $1000 for the whole set up, but is that not good enough for a set up? Edit: while on the topic of Bigger Leaner Stronger: for leg day he recommends leg press. However I cannot do that because I don't have the equipment and my doctor recommends against it because of my two bad hips. So I have been doing an extra set of squats. Does that make sense or are there better recommendations?",,7,Vegasman20002,2020-05-17 15:35:34 askMRP,gikco3,How to deal with irreconcilable differences of opinion on very serious issues,"At the launch of my drunk captain phase, my wife had a potentially serious medical complication during her pregnancy, and she wanted to use a course of treatment that I thought was too risky and I was strongly opposed to. I insisted that she not go through with it, but she decided to anyways, and basically said 'fuck you, it's my body.' For purposes of this question, assume we are both professionals qualified to have a strong opinion in this area. I felt helpless and angry that my wife and child were being endangered, and there was nothing I could do- I had zero input. I laid out the scientific evidence and argued hard, but never supported her emotionally. I realize that I was aggressive, and fragile when I should have been empathetically assertive. Also, it is her body, and I really didn't have any rights here culturally or legally, despite being the father. But is there anything I am missing about how I could have handled this type of situation better? I feel like the same dynamic keeps playing out in my life, and I keep making the same mistakes.",,16,[deleted],2020-05-12 21:02:57 askMRP,ghfxuh,How to respond to wife when she says she wants me to share more of my vulnerabilities/emotions,"Hey MRP, It's been a while since I've visited the RP community. I got married late last year to a woman that I find very attractive. **The TLDR is that my alpha game (frame, being a strong oak, not being emotionally weak) is strong, but my wife, who is much more emotional, feels that I'm distant when I do that and she feels emotionally weak compared to me. How can I help my wife feel comfortable while at the same time being emotionally very strong? Is that even the right question to be asking or is there a different way to think about it?** I remember seeing a post a long time ago about how when dating, girlfriends look for alpha characteristics in men. But when married, a married man should know how to use both the alpha and beta characteristics to 1) attract her wife and 2) make her feel cared for. I can't find that post now and the situation that I'm in I think is related to just that. I'm think I have a strong emotional frame. Nothing really bothers me to the point where it affects my emotions. Things only bother me enough for me to take action to fix it or trust that it'll get fixed another way if it's not high priority. Something goes bad at work? Doesn't really bother me, I'll fix it or it'll work itself out. Something broke at home? Doesn't bother me, we'll get a new thing. etc. I can compartmentalize my emotions well so I don't negatively affect my wife through the difficult things she's going through. My wife, on the other hand, tends to get more emotional. She recently moved up with me (we were long distance), and is transitioning here. She doesn't have friends, is not well acquainted with the area, and just started a new job. Everything is in transition and it makes it emotionally hard for her. On top of that, she's a perfectionist and can be very hard on herself and me. For example, when things aren't done the way she likes them to be done in the kitchen, she snaps at me. She knows this is not right, but she can't separate the tough emotions she's dealing with with moving to a new place and small annoyances in the kitchen. My frame contrasted with my wife's feels makes her think that I'm distant and unrelateable. She also feels inferior or weak compared to me because I'm able to better deal with my emotions. She things one way that I can help her feel better is by showing more vulnerability. I think this is a bad idea (I think it's a shit test) because I don't think neither her nor I actually want to be vulnerable for her. I think that vulnerability will just add another burden onto her, make me look weak, and cause her to lose respect for me. How can I help my wife feel comfortable while at the same time being emotionally very strong? Is that even the right question to be asking or is there a different way to think about it? Lifting stats (I'm on the StrongLifts 5x5): * 5' 10"", 155 lbs * DL: 305, Squat: 225, Bench: 170, OHP: 115, Bent over row: 195",,15,BayAreaRPChristian,2020-05-11 03:31:35 askMRP,gfxo7t,Finally Divorced,"Just a quick update here because some people have been asking about my status. Two weeks ago my divorce was finalized so I'm 100% free and clear. I stayed firm in the negotiations and was able to walk away with a great deal. She didn't ask for much at all. It was definitely the right decision and I should have listened to everyone here and done it a lot sooner. For anyone else on the fence I'd say go for it. Separations never work. When women are done they are done. Cut your losses and move on. Thanks for the help guys!",,39,[deleted],2020-05-08 17:40:14 askMRP,gemf77,Requesting advice on dealing with wife hiding something,"Hello there boys, I need your advice. Background: \- I'm 30 years old. I was a pathetic nice guy until I was 25 years old, situations with women changed me. \- I've been with my girl for 8 years now, with a 1 year pause in between. \- We have a son, 4 years old. \- We live together, in her house. \- Almost every week I leave on Mondays and sometimes Tuesdays too, to visit my father and I sleep in his house (I still got a room there, just in case). This puts strain off of our relationship. \- Quarantine has me stuck here now, she's going to work because she's an essential worker, I'm working from home and taking care of our son. Situation: For one whole month my girl had trouble with a male coworker of hers, who is a basically a spoiled 24 year old child. They got along well but they started to clash to the point he wouldn't talk to her anymore, they're just 4 people in that office. She told me he's always after girls all day long and I was almost sure he'd like some of my girl too. She whined the whole damned month about trouble with this guy, every day she would come home to tell me what a fuck up this guy is and how the environment at work was tense, etc. I listened, tried to give some advice the first times, then just listened because what's the point. Suddenly, the problems were fixed. She told me one day she was going out with her coworkers, he was also going. I asked about the situation, she said all things were cool with him now, they talked it over. I then asked what was his problem then, and what did he say. She said she didn't remember and left it at that. She can be very forgetful, but I didn't believe her. I fucked up, I should have faced her right then and there. \---- Fast forward a whole month, she comes home, says she had a good day at work, laughing and all. I tell her it's weird how they are all getting along now with this guy (I hadn't brought it up again since then), she tells me she just speaks minimally with him. So I tell her she never told me what he said, what his problem was. She tells me she doesn't remember. I know her, she's lying, I tell her I don't believe her. She tells me not to bust her balls. I looked her straight in the eye for some seconds, told her she's lying again. ""I'm not lying, I don't remember, okay?"" K then. She's hiding something. I retreated to my work and my interests, spent time with my son, absolutely ignored her from then on. I think the problem here is evident, if this was the way around she'd be going crazy right now. I won't assume anything but this is probably him telling her he wants a piece of ass and she doesn't want me to know, or she fucking up somehow. This shit was last night, she went to bed early and has been basically silent, this morning included. I'm not sure how to proceed, should I face her again, tell her to cut the shit? Should I ignore her and keep on with my interests and work and son until she tries to come back? I want to avoid this from snowballing if possible, all was good until yesterday. A big fight with her could have serious consequences for me as I'd be the one leaving and that would basically fuck up my whole life, but if she's not willing to tell me the truth, that might be the resolution. Any advice? Thank you for reading.",,8,[deleted],2020-05-06 15:43:23 askMRP,gcmfnv,To Married Men of the RP: How much support in hard times can you count on to get from her?,"tl;dr: How much support, loyalty, understanding do you get from your wives in bad times, when you struggle? Is it a blue pill dream to not see them as just another thing to manage? Hi, Im not married, but in an LTR. Im an expat living in a western country , have a local as a stable gf. Im having a bit of a rough patch right now- my close relative is fighting for his life in hospital in my origin country, and I cant be there to support my family cuz of Covid travel/quarantine restrictions. My girl is working from home. Because of the Covid the only human contact she has is me when im not working ( and im free once in a week and on weekends). She isnt dealing well with this isolation, i normally dont mind dealing with her emotions, dramas, etc. shes a girly girl and a fairly delicate one so its part of the package. This Saturday I get grim news from home that the health of family member took a dramatic turn and only a miracle can save him, made few calls to my family and everybody is in bad shape. I call my girl to tell her that i received a phone that my kin is dying, and that i wont be a good company for her to stay over, that shes welcome to come over for a bit but nothing more. Her reaction was 'yh, but you kinda a knew that already', she calls me 5 minutes later crying saying that she understands that im dealing with shit, working hard etc but she is lonely, she was looking forward to the weekend, etc etc etc - me, me , me generally. She came over for dinner, I dealt with drama, she got into chirpy happy mode again and I kicked her out. Now I know that females and males work differently. That girls struggle with empathy. That for her Im basically what I can provide, what value, which utility I give. She got her fix, she got her rock, some attention and felt better. I got a crying child to deal with when I really didnt need more on my plate. Plus she probably lost some attraction for me seeing that I can actually worry sometimes. Now Im left a bit in a pickle. I am wandering how much AWALT is in this behavior. I saw generation of my mum (55+) soldiering through some really bad times like champs, holding families together, thinking about everybody else but themselves and this girl (25) behaved in a manner that astounded me for a second. Is it a generational thing? Did I just discovered that my girl isnt a person who will be of help in bad times or is it just a normal thing and all women are to an extend the same and you look for support within yourself and in your mates. tl;dr: How much support, loyalty, understanding do you get from your wives in bad times, when you struggle? Is it a blue pill dream to not see them as just another thing to manage?",,24,[deleted],2020-05-03 07:15:57 askMRP,gaxzux,Ego validation from her submission,"Hi guys, I've done most of the side bar reading but it's been a while since I've gone over it for a second time. Most recent book was King Warrior Magician Lover. I'm 28, 6'4"" 212 BP: 255, Squat: 366, Dead: 410, DB curl: 45 (lol jokes). Been seeing a girl exclusively for a few months now, been fucking her since last summer. There was a post recently that mentioned the ""Validation needs that can poison your sex life"" post, and I've realized that I receive a massive amount of validation in the form of attraction validation. When I first started having sex I would go down the girl, make her cum, and only then focus on my own pleasure. As I've gotten older and gained confidence and social dominance, I have started to develop the sexually dominant side of myself. My relationships in all areas of my life have improved, and my sex life has drastically improved. I get anal (less than Red), deepthroating, toys, ...and their submission. The submission is great, but I find that my ego has become invested in their submissive responses, and I am trying to get a handle on that. *Obviously my ego at large is something I am working on, this is just an area where it consistenly raises it's head.* It is sexy as hell when she does exactly what I say, in and out of the bedroom, and I get off on that (obviously). When she doesn't do what I've asked, my ego is wrapped up with my need to correct her behaviour, and I worry that what may be legitimate concerns on her part - ""I'm not in the right headspace today to do XYZ"", ""I've never liked \[blank\] and would prefer \[blank\]"", etc. - my ego wants to push through her resistance and label it a shit test because if I let her have her way I no longer feel like I am in control. Should I really care that much if I've asked her to refer to me as 'Your Big Dick Highness' and she just calls me 'dick'? Probably not, but I worry that if I let it slip, I'll be on a slippery slope back to where I was a few years ago with a harpy bitch I created. Additionally, I have covert contracts with how I expect her to behave in bed. If I tighten this rope, blindfold her like this, pull the ball gag just right and rub her clit left to right I will get the response I want. When I don't get this response (maybe she's tired, or I haven't been handling my shit sufficiently, or whatever), my cover contract falls apart, my ego takes a hit, my frame goes to shit and, and I can feel myself wanting to disengage. I tell myself to not be a bitch and make it happen and I'll get my nut regardless, but it is a struggle to keep my head in the game. I was tired the other night and I did disengage during an encounter like this and go to bed, but that threw her for a loop and she asked me if we could 'please have sex'. I told her sure, but she's getting on top and riding me, and I told her what a little slut she was the whole time. She did a damn fine job of it. She woke me in the morning horny as shit too. I almost feel that walking away from the so-so sex worked, but my ego was still tied up in the interaction which let me know I still have a bunch of work to do, regardless of the response I recieved from her. After having written all of that out it doesn't seem to be any different than most of the problems guys come here with, but I would appreciate the feedback. I've come a long way from where I was when I first joined this site, but some feedback on moving past my ego validation would be greatly appreciated.",,12,RedishPill,2020-04-30 15:39:42 askMRP,gau51x,How can I get back into the drivers' seat and save my marriage with children,edited.,,19,[deleted],2020-04-30 11:46:25 askMRP,gae247,Strength and weight loss,"Noticed my weights for lifting are much tougher and I am having to drop weight as my actual body weight dropped below 150. Anything to be concerned about or just standard? Weights are in yesterday's OYS. I may just be tapped out with my workout program (simple 4x10) . Calories may be too low (1400-1500). Carbs maybe too low ? (25% of diet, 55 protein). I know some muscle loss is expected. Edit: thanks to all of you for the help! My new plan is to go with the Mathews Bigger Leaner Stronger 3day lift plan, with 2100 calories on lift days and 1400 on rest days. Will try for 8 weeks and post results in OYS.",,4,Vegasman20002,2020-04-29 17:54:56 askMRP,ga1lrb,Is it worth it?,"A lot has been happening lately, this crap of being in the house most of the time is like RP on ultra hard, been having arguments often, some good, some bad. But this has made me start to wonder if its really worth it, i mean is it really worth it? wife has been great 90% of the time, great sex, sexy, nice food, great with the kids etc. But everything works like a tense peace, if i slip a bit she is like a shark on blood, i know i have to keep my game at 100%, but at the same time is tiring. The years i was single/divorced i used to do beautiful elegant code, because my mind was calm 90% of the time, made money everywhere. The years i have been married/ltr i live in tension, either from going beta and living with a bitch, or keeping my game at all times. not planning to to MGTOW but started to romantize living without a partner, just plates, have the kid 50/50 and enjoy freedom.",,16,turbospeedsc,2020-04-29 03:02:57 askMRP,g8n629,MCT Rules for Pandemics,"Hi Faggots, Social Distancing is killing most of you betas out there. Despite what she says about being stressed with homeschooling the kids or adjusting to telework at home, lack of attraction is why you aren’t getting laid. It’s also why she is acting like a sexless cunt and bitchy first mate right now. I already see it happening to friends and coworkers. Look, if you ain’t Gaming, you ain’t Fucking. MRP is red pill on hard mode because you have to find a way to game the same woman every day. Once you find it, you must internalize it as your own so it flows out naturally. Especially now, she is seeing you all the time. All of your weaknesses are magnified. For you fat beta fucks, it’s like trying to light a fire with damp wood. She simply isn’t attracted to you. You aren’t getting laid for a reason and she is probably shaming you for even trying. If you ain’t Gaming, you ain’t fucking. Your wife isn’t yours. It’s just your mother fucking turn with her. Don’t be mad that Chad fucked her back in college in the foam party on spring break, he earned it. He gamed her. She thought he was hot. She didn’t need an emotional connection. Mystery’s Cat String Theory still applies. If you just give the string to the cat it will be bored and stop trying. What the typical wife does when she marries beta billy. He turns into a blue pill faggot and she loses attraction.. If you put the string too far away from the cat it won’t try to chase it. You must keep the string just out of reach of the cat and tease it. Keep the attraction going, drive bys, DHVs, teasing like she’s your bratty little sister, kino, Fuck with her mind..always. Now more than ever, keep her mind busy or she fill it in with a bunch of nonsense. 100% chance it will be directly proportional to money too. Your wallet will pay for it. More than ever, women are in competition with each other to display their resources. I know dudes not getting laid but getting suckered/ shamed into expensive kitchen upgrades, building pools, etc. all because they’re failing to guide their wives during this time. Women stay plugged in and spend all fucking day long on instafuck, fuckBook, tik-fucking-tok these days comparing and contrasting their resources with other women, if you aren’t providing the tingles or feelz, she’ll start bitching about the next expensive home renovation or vacation that she REALLY needs. Keep your emotions in check. Don’t show weakness, save it for your bro’s or keep to yourself. She doesn’t give a fuck about you. She only cares how you make HER feelz. Keep your DHVs going. Also keep the illusion of work going. Never break Kayfab. Pro wrestlers never give the act away no matter how silly it is... Always stay in character. Even if you’re considered non essential at work, she doesn’t need to know that. You just got promoted congratulations. Let her know the important work you’re doing. Tell her about the task force you were just assigned to. Wear a fucking headset and act busy as fuck during the day at your laptop. Print out a schedule and mark it the fuck up and tape it on the wall. Get dressed for your skype presentation. If you have free time, start a side business online. Women are attracted to high status and value. Must keep your high value going. If you appear to be doing nothing all fucking day long she’ll dry up. Let her see all your work wives emailing and texting you. Keep giving the gift of Dread. Let her see how much they miss working with you in the office. What have you done for me lately? They don’t give a fuck that you took them on that expensive vacation last summer, what did you do for them right now? Always add right now after everything they say to give it context. Woman are always after more resources, trinkets, and prizes. Don’t get lured into arguments if she says you never do this or that. You never take me on such and such vacation - you’re right, I reserve those for my girlfriends smile and grin. Keep AA at all times. She’s flooded with emotions right now, bet your ass you’ll be shit tested. Don’t take the bait. Lead her. I ordered from XYZ restaurant, I’m leaving to pick it up have the kids ready when I get back. I’m grilling steaks tonight so go ice down the beer. Don’t ask what she wants. Take her on a virtual trip. Everyday around lunchtime, I take her out on the back patio. No kids allowed. Tell those little assholes to stay inside. MCT bought a bottle of red and bottle of white, told her to get her ass out on the back patio. We watched some videos on Napa valley.. travel channel, etc have fun, joke around. NLP terms it’s called future pacing. Talk about the future and what you plan on doing. Keeps her childlike and gets her into her hindbrain and out of her mommy mode forebrain. She feelz stressed from the kids, work, and all the Karen’s out there. Take her on a virtual trip and learn about these new places. You’re doing this for you, she’s welcomed to join you. Let her feelz your strength, confidence, and DGAS attitude. Watch when she post pics of the 2 wine glasses on fuckBook and how all the other women swoon over what you created for her. Don’t compete with anyone, let them compete with you. Keep Prizing yourself. Be the Prize- by Prizing yourself. This is a great old school Swing Cat PUA move. Guy is a legend. Make it seem she is trying to win you over. Tease her, neg her. Did you just come over here to flirt with me? Keep that up babe, you’re earning points with me. First time I told my wife she was earning points with me was at a party with her friends. They couldn’t believe I said that. IOIs and all over me for the rest of the night. Also the opposite of that is good too-, babe, you’re losing points with me- if she drops something. Cheeky smirk, ass slap, walk away. A healthy marriage is one where she submits to you - you have to keep a higher value then her. Doesn’t work the other way around despite what mainstream advice says. Best marriage is one where your balls remain empty. Must have male and female polarity for it to work. You can’t be a walking doormat. Keep your T levels up. Don’t eat shit all day. Workout, pushups, chin-ups, squats, walk around the block,. Punch yourself in the balls if you have to. Stop fapping like a bitch. Low T level, means being weak, means not leading, means bitching wife, means No sex, means expensive kitchens in your future. Don’t be a lazy piece of shit. After your work is done for the day, for fucks sake clean up. Do yard work, pressure wash, clean all the shit up you’ve been neglecting the past year. Don’t lose your day gaming skills -I’m not talking about fortnite either you faggots. Revisit the basics and why it works. Reframe everything. This is a chance to double your workouts. Clean the fucking house. Spend more time enjoying your kids. More time honing your skills. More time to fuck. Cool, calm, and collective. Don’t be a keyboard jockey these days. Don’t become obsessed with politics and the news. Check it once a day to stay informed. But stop being a bitch about it. That shit is purposely designed to make you feelz powerless. Conquer and divide tactics. They’re pitting sides against each other. A grown man doesn’t get angry over politics. It makes you look extremely unattractive. It’s a weak example for your son too. It’s a victim mindset. Shows that you aren’t the center of origin. When is the last time you got a great blow job? Strong powerful man get great blow jobs. Say what you want about Bill Clinton, this dude was a champ at BJs. Go watch YouTube videos of him playing Mayor Game – how he just owned a room when he walked in.. dude could drop panties like no other. . How you act today will remain with you for the rest of your life. Did you get shit done? Act like a little bitch? Failed to lead? Fail to help your kids?Did you work on yourself? Did you set goals and start action towards them?Become the King. The king doesn’t complain or whine to the queen. When you act like a King, you start getting treated like a King. Women are preprogrammed to reward their prize with sex. I use to blame everything and everyone out there. I blamed the weather, politics, the company, company policy, mission statement, the economy, the news, the president, the party in power. It’s a fucking lie. You were lied to. It’s all a set up. It’s a joke. You are the only one to blame. The world is abundant. You are the key to your better future. If you ain’t gaming, you ain’t fucking. Be safe. MTC",,35,MrChad_Thundercock,2020-04-26 21:44:21 askMRP,g8li76,Sidebar is same one as on other two subs?,"Asktrp, rp and rpw? Same thing?",,3,mickey__,2020-04-26 20:12:50 askMRP,g8p0ku,Questions about alphas and betas and AWALT,"So I have a question about betas and alphas. I have understood that women are hypergamous and I agree. They prefer to choose the 20% alphas. So people here teaches men to be alpha. The problem I see is that everybody cannot be alphas, it will always be the best 20% that women will choose. So if every men would apply red pill there would still be 80% of them who stay betas. And I also think that not every men can become alphas even if they follow red pills. It is just not in their character. And why would it be so awful to be a beta, if you don't manage to become an alpha? If you accept yourself as a beta and choose a kind wife, the honest long term hustler type, you can have a happy life. So Red pill is good to understand that women's and mens' sexual strategies are not the same, and to optimize your marriage according to it but I am not sure it can really completly change a man who is not determined to be an alpha. I don't understand AWALT. If women are divided in 4 categories, the long term and short term honest hustler and long term and short term dishonest hustler, how can AWALT apply. Can we say also AAALT all alphas are like that or ABALT all betas are like that? I have also a question not linked to Red Pill: if a man use violence or money to make his wife submissive and accept sex, is he an alpha or a beta? I am sorry for my English, I am European.",,1,EveryEstablishment2,2020-04-26 23:29:22 askMRP,g7xn65,Emotional connection,"Maybe you can remember me as a guy who wanted to make his GF more sexual - so I DID, just talked to her, told her that and voila! Thanks for that Now, something that never worked for me enough to never start thinking and getting it again from females - deeper emotional connecting. I have no idea what it is, but 'feel' it's some shit that I don't know to speak nor understand, it's weird thing From 'not feeling like we are together when we're not seeing each other' to giving them sense of security, I guess again emotional something Speaking that womanese language and talking to their emotions and mind and not logic, that's what I lack! What do you think of it, what does that mean and how can I implement new knowledge to work on that part? Any books or posts here from some user or guide? Book Of Pook or Models, anything else?",,7,nrtthrowaway,2020-04-25 17:38:49 askMRP,g7ks87,How to make wife stop being a hysterical bitch anytime the kids cry or she is stressed?,"I have three kids, the youngest is 6 months old. It is very hard to raise kids, especially when they're young and cry and nobody is sleeping good. We're both tired all the time but we keep soldiering on. Have had tons of arguments in the last 6 months, screaming at each other, ready to divorce but thinking it'll be better once our youngest isn't so needy. Tonight I'm trying to get my 3 year old to take a bath but she doesn't want to for some reason, and is crying so I dropped it. But my wife is now freaking out and launching into the whole 'I had to work all day and you only get the kids riled up when I'm trying to watch TV and I have to do EVERYTHING around this house and I never get a break RAAAAA' that I'm sure many of you have experienced. She calls me lazy, because I spent an hour watching the nfl draft last night. Usually I don't get so things on my own without her freaking out that I don't pull my weight. I do at least at much as she does, I'm a great dad. But she still starts attacking every time and I argue right back because she's so fucking wrong. How do I handle this better? It's so hard not to tell her she's an idiot and she's freaking out over nothing.",,22,Psilocybik,2020-04-25 01:18:18 askMRP,g56nqr,Is therapy cheating?,"I'm struggling. I'm a bitch. 6'0 180lb. 29. 1st year marriage. Together 6. My wife is awesome now. She used to be a bitch but then she went to therapy. She overcame things that have been giving us problems for 5 years. I had oneitis for a long time, and just when I got over it and began seeing what's around she goes and fixes all the shit wrong with her. She's been exercising and is fitter, nicer, and smarter. I know the neighbors are circling like sharks and I dont want them fucking my wife. I know i need to improve. I read the sidebar. Rational Man. 16 laws of Poon. And watched YT vids. Began pushups (5x30), pullups (5 x 10) and running (5 miles 1 hr a day). I made a MAP. But I still can't STFU. It's difficult to internalize right now. To make it worse I've been gaming my wife for a week but she initiated sex with me after I told her about my emotions. She may be manipulating me but i think she may just be into emotional stuff. She's really close to her dad and her dad is an ultra fag that calls her every 2 hours and vents to her. I'm jealous of the attention she gives him when he vents to her. I used to constantly vent to her but now that I've withdrawn she seemed to get turned on when I game her then rely on her emotionally as well a little. If I get therapy and the dude teaches me how to internalize, is that cutting corners? I dont want to reinvent the wheel but I also don't want to cheat on homework and fail the test. I have been withdrawing from her and trying to internalize for about a month now and have kind of plateau with how I can deal with shit. I don't currently have anyone to replace her with my emotional problems and have been trying to internalize and rely on myself but am having difficulty. Now coworkers and family members are asking if I'm okay which to me is worse than when my wife asks if im okay. I know im a bitch and should be self reliant.",,8,bourgie_quasar_rune,2020-04-21 02:19:07 askMRP,g3fzxf,When am I done?,"I know there's no ""done"" like an end of the line where I can say ""I'm a perfect husband!"" and stop working on myself. I get that. Consider the following (true-ish) scenario: Be me five years ago. Be a complete beta shithead, a ""Nice Guy"". Cheat on your wife. Attend couples counseling. Lie your ass off about not looking at porn or looking for hookups anymore (shit made me high as hell, I got the shakes and endorphin rush and everything). Change nothing. Be me 3.5 years ago, still a complete beta shithead. Cheat on your wife. Again. This time you get it. It clicks. Who you are is shit. This person is non-functional. You are everything you hate: addicted, a cheat, a liar, undeserving of the title ""husband"", a travesty to the institution of marriage. So you dig in. Over the next 3 years you attend individual and couples counseling. You learn how to change *who you are*. The problem is you double down the beta-bitch qualities. You start vomiting your guilt and shame any time your wife brings up the affairs. At the end of 3 years she asks for a separation. You cannot blame her. Look at yourself. You're still shit. Even more so now. Be me now. Separated. You took the red pill. I'm taking this time to read, to re-engineer who I am. The question ""when am I done?"" is improper. Only I can determine that. What I want to know is ""what condition do I need to be in, in order to re-engage in a healthy relationship?"" Whether with my wife, or someone else, I would backslide if I were to re-engage. So I want to know, what are the ear-marks of a man who doesn't backslide? A man capable of being in a relationship and still being able to keep his center within himself (hold his frame)? What minimum set of conditions must exist such that I can be in a relationship without turning back into a complete piece of shit?",,11,[deleted],2020-04-18 02:38:11 askMRP,g2sn7o,Sidebar in a PDF?,Is there a single PDF for the sidebar like this: https://www.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/fvgv3p/i_created_a_pdf_of_asktrps_sidebar/,,5,HonkHonkBaby,2020-04-17 01:49:01 askMRP,g1t275,Victim Puke," Here's my victim puke. It won't be pretty, but it's long overdue. I count on you so you can give me feedback. It may help me to build some accountability too. 38M here. Married (to a 37F) for 8 years after 2 years of relationship. 3 kids (8F, 6F, 2M). 5'11'', 176 lb. 20-25% body fat. Read sidebar twice, have read at least two times NMMNG. Didn´t ever go to the gym before quarantine nor train at all since high school. Right now, during quarantine, I´m doing calisthenics daily, at least for the last 10 days. The focus has been to improve my strength. A lot of field to improve and I\`ve been a slacker a couple of days, but my body hurts every other day, which is at least an improvement. Other part of my daily routine: intermittent fasting 16+8 and Wim Hof Method (all 3 parts). Have my hobbies, spend time with kids, etc. This is what I'm building on, because I do have some messy stuff going on. Mainly I have two low points: my finances and my relationship. Finances are a disaster. Left a job to build my own thing in December, just before this pandemic started, and now it's blowing in my face. By now, I may still have some time to improve it, but currently things look scary, I haven't been doing the right things and I don't have a good backup plan. Call it however you want: lack of discipline, frame, mission… whatever. Not done. Relationship, the other low area, also not good, mainly because of my Nice Guy Syndrome and because I've been a lousy drunken captain. I have some good moments, but the lack of work and character has shown, and whatever leadership I may tend to show isn't backed up by consistency. Wife is nice and caring, a good mom and overall good. Needs some work on her own stuff, but after some reading here I can see clearly how most of it is my own fault, through my lack of frame and leadership. Even more, I've just avoided being there for my crew. A sensible example: she is overweight and I don't like this. She is still pretty (PAWG thick type, cute face, curvy which I thought I would love) but when I get to it, I realize that I don't like the way she looks now. I resent her. However, instead of leading her to improve, I avoid confrontation, I make myself unavailable, and withdraw without addressing the real problem. She initiates sex a couple of times per week and constantly tells me that she misses me. I follow along 1 out of 3 times, but most of the time I avoid. I'm butthurt and angry. At night I escape to the kid's room to avoid her. I don't game her, I don't play with her, I don´t fuck her often. I don't play with her. I like her, but something in the back of my mind knows she sees through my shit and I just can't hold it. In fact, I've learned here how to respond to her shit tests, and have built a decent amount of dread, but clearly not enough. I tend to believe that it's not a lack of attraction on a physical level, but it's just that I've been a drunken captain, and the guilt around it just makes me want to avoid. Again: she sees through my shit, because my shit is all over the place. Initially, I resorted to porn to fill the void. Later, I started looking for affairs, which is, precisely, the next issue. In fact, as soon as I left my last job, in January this year, I started traveling a lot, and decided to start plating. However -who would have thought?- I wasn't ready. Got a decent response from the locals, but I couldn't handle it. It got into my hamster´s wheels and it was too much. Several plates in the air, one in each city. I thought I was killing it. Before long, I could realize I had started to fall for plate #1 to whom I plainly lied, and who believes I'm divorced. She's the exact kind of girl I love to be around. I have surprised myself thinking about building a house so we can move in together. But we haven´t fucking met. We just text and text and text. Connection is great, cyber-sex is steamy, she's nuts about me, I loose myself in her, etc. e exact same thing I had with my wife when it all started. But it's all bullshit (at least on my part). Plate #2 is still available, knows the whole deal and agrees to it, and I just sent plate #3 went to the friend zone for good (she's just too crazy to be messing around with). There are some other girls around, but not relevant. As I write I can see my faggotry, and I can realize that I'm struggling with 3 things, all of which have to do with my lack of frame and integrity. 1. Stay away from oneitis with plate #1. I have realized on a rational level that whatever I do, I shouldn't pursue. But I just keep hamstering on her. 2. Get my shit together: my finances are lousy, I haven´t had the strength to put on the work my business needs, and I have gotten into the habit of avoiding work by talking to plates. 3. Build a healthy relationship with my wife. It seems to me that it's not because I'm in her frame, but because I don't have any frame at all. I just go with whatever gives me the feelz. My plan is what I learned here: the stay plan is the go plan. Fix stuff until I can decide from abundance and not from this mess I'm in right now. 1. With plate #1: This is the easiest in theory and hardest in practice… I got to STFU and let things cool down. 2. With finances: get my shit together. Money: map-out how bad the situation is and take action. Cut-off expenses. Recover cash that may be available from deals that I can still save. 3. Start Weekly OYS. STFU (again), train and read. 4. Gaming the one that is hard to game and confront what I want to avoid: my wife. Lead her.",,7,UsualDuty1,2020-04-15 14:33:55 askMRP,g1fvcq,Workouts in Exile,"Gentlemen, One of the core principles of MRP is to lift heavy weights regularly. This Quarantine is throwing most people's plans into disarray. How will you adapt? How will you grow stronger? My personal workout plan before lockdown was a Stronglifts 5X5. I miss the rush of lifting really heavy shit 3-4X every week. I'm currently doing a bodyweight workout. Weighted Pullups and pushups (hanging an old chain). I installed a Stud Bar in the garage to do my pull ups. The biggest dumbbells around the house are 5#'s, so I'm squatting 10#. This is my biggest issue at the moment is finding a suitable replacement for Squats and Deadlifts. Upper body work is going well. **Edit: Gym opened, gym closed again. In need of a better setup I purchased a nice set of Olympic Weight, 395# total and was able to get my hands on a Rouge Power rack. I'm set. Some dumbbells would be nice, but not necessary. I hope everyone is getting there workouts dialed back in by now.** Let's share notes. What are you doing to keep your workouts going?",,7,UsefulWalk4,2020-04-14 22:56:40 askMRP,g1hiyk,I'm considering swallowing the pill. Is her frame bad?,"I haven't lifted in a year. I drink too much beer. I whine and complain. I'm fat. 6' 4"" and 250 lbs. I have a nice cock that cums too soon. 33 yo. Married. 3 kids. &#x200B; 1 year ago, I read NMMNG. It was recommended to me on Amazon while I was researching issues between my parents and me. This coincided with the 1 year anniversary of my fathers death--I began looking at our relationship while he was alive etc... &#x200B; NMMNG led me here and MRP recently. &#x200B; I'd like to ask a few questions on frame... I want to participate in OYS weekly, but I'm wondering if it's for me. If I'm ""wondering"", doesn't that mean it's not for me? &#x200B; My wife has a stronger frame than me...in specific circumstances. I have a stronger frame than her...in specific circumstances. I enjoy that in certain circumstances her frame is strong as hell, and I like operating inside of it. Conversely, in certain circumstances, my frame is strong as hell, and I enjoy when she operates inside of it. Is this the balance of Alpha/Beta? Is it wrong to actually operate inside of another's frame sometimes? Can one operate in another's frame while maintaining their own frame?",,0,1001290,2020-04-15 00:35:01 askMRP,fwvj5g,Is this what maintaining Frame looks like?,"Situation: Me, my wife, and my baby are staying at my in-laws in upstate NY. Normally we live in the city. I was still going in to work until last Friday (job is shutting down for a week and I’m taking vacation). Since my in-laws are >70 my wife asked if I would hop right in the shower when I get home. When I got home Friday I went right upstairs and into the shower. I come down and my wife, baby and in-laws are in the living room/kitchen area. In an accusatory tone my wife says, “where are have you been?” I look at her, STFU and take my daughter from her. She looks at me red-faced and repeats, “where have you been?” only this time with an upward inflection like she’s trying to be nice. I look at her and say you wanted me to shower when I got home, so I did. She gets mad at me, gets up and walks out of the room and calls me a piece of shit…in front of her parents and our baby. I don’t respond. I go upstairs and she follows me up. She throws/slams our baby’s chair on the floor and says, “You know, I don’t have to put with your shit.” I said nothing. I said nothing for two reasons. One, I was absolutely floored. I literally said nothing and she lost it. The second reason I didn’t say anything is because of the STFU mantra. This is the second time this week I’ve come home and my wife has come at me like a fucking cop. I forget what she said earlier last week, but I answered her question and then said, “it’s good to see you, too.” She gave me a look like I was out of line. It was a mistake to be sarcastic, but I was annoyed and didn’t know how to handle it. We didn’t talk for the rest of Friday night, but I socialized with her parents like it was all good. The following morning, I wait until our daughter is napping and the in-laws are busy. I sit down next to my wife on the couch and tell I want to talk about last night. I repeat the way the situation unfolded and I repeat what I heard her say. I then tell, in a calm voice, that if she speaks that way to me again I’m leaving. She didn’t seem to care. I asked if she was sure. I was ready to leave and stay at my family’s house. She started talking about why she was mad. She brought up how I used to flip out in the past and curse at her, even how I’ve said “fuck you” to her before. I didn’t deny it, but I didn’t apologize. I just brought the conversation back to the fact that I don’t lose my shit and curse anymore. And since I’ve joined MRP, I haven’t. She listed other reasons she’s been angry with me, like I don’t talk to her that much anymore and I don’t talk about my job with her. She’s right. I’ve seen/read a lot about how stoicism = alphaness, so I stopped complaining. I don’t talk about work, because it’s fucking work and it generally makes want to bitch. I tried to use negative inquiry, fogging, and the broken record technique to bring it back to what she said the night before. I told her that when she comes home she looks for things that are wrong, she grills me like the cops, and she doesn’t act like she’s happy to see me. She apologized and told she would try and be more pleasant at the end of the day. She straddled me after that and we talked about having sex. She ended up “not feeling well” later that night so sex didn’t happen. So, is this a small victory? Did I manage to maintain Frame?",,18,[deleted],2020-04-07 23:47:54 askMRP,fx5t9n,Main Event,"This is a continuation of situation I [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/fwvj5g/is_this_what_maintaining_frame_looks_like/) about yesterday. Basically, after I posted here yesterday my wife saw a bunch of notification updates pop up on my phone and she read them. She doesn't have my password, but she apparently read enough to come at me at me this morning. This morning she sits me down and asks if I plan to leave her by the end of the year, if someone called her a cunt what would I do, etc. I ask here where she's getting this from, I start to DEER, she asks why I don't talk to her about problems and why I talk to strangers on the internet instead, I DEER some more and tell her I have tried to talk to her. Then I gathered my shit and left. She yelled at me as I left. She blamed me for shit. I didn't yell but I did try and defend myself as I left. So I left my wife, who feels more like a person I live with than anything, and I left my little girl, which makes me really, really sad. I left my wife because she didn't respect my privacy; she didn't respect my boundary. I never told her about Fight Club, but now she knows I'm talking to someone other than her or a therapist. I'm scared about the future and I really don't care what any of you have to say about that. I'm sad I won't see my little girl.",,1,[deleted],2020-04-08 12:43:40 askMRP,fubivx,Want to make my girl more sexual and dirty,"Being overly sexual. I hear stories of guys telling how women send them photos, how they call the to say how horny they feel, then they record themselves and send it to the guys. It means that women want to satisfy that guy and make anything he ever want. Especially that this girl is my LTR My girl is not like that, she mostly send photos that aren't considered as dirty, zero nudes so far, no videos, never told me how much she wants my dick or good fuck, never how horny she is but usually with "" I wish you're here, it would be great if you're here while we're quarantined"" etc. not dirty or overly sexual, more like 'love' and not like 'sex' I'm not certain that she's aware how to please me, eager to do anything and everything. So far I haven't fully verbalised and went full on "" Hey, do this or that"". Usually I go with plausible deniability or with flirting but this lack of her doing dirty stuff for me is offputting and I don't feel desirable at all. I do lead but I'm not pleased with how she follows Then I went several times with ignoring or delaying response and attention, any dread thing, because i just shut down from her and feel rejected Is it good way to verbalise and say what I want and how is going to be? It seems like I haven't set it in stone enough and need to repeat something here and make it more explicit. I think she's either not getting the message with dread(and how could she, I wouldn't either tbh) or she's avoiding that and which will result in me breaking up with her. Maybe my dread is not how is supposed to, and she doesn't get it that it's due to her behaviour Everything else is so far good and I'm fine but that part is just stupid and I want to change it if I can, if not, good luck Also with sex talk it seems I'm the one initiating and she follows but lately it's just her agreeing with stuff I said like ' ohh I would like that(my gif on clit masturbation), she has nothing to add it seems. Also I mentioned in my previous post where I tried to play the game with her and she was like ' I'm not that connected/comfortable with you and you know those sexual things are problem to me ' which I call bullshit, but who knows, I'm not experienced to differentiate now.",,0,nrtthrowaway,2020-04-03 16:31:54 askMRP,ftr3pc,"Recently divorced, end of my rope","EDIT: Thanks to all you who commented, even the not so supportive comments, I was and still am in a dark place, and maybe hugs isn't exactly what I need right now. I know the collective culture of TRP thinks that a man must be a rock and unflinching, but I guess even men are humans, I am not in the state of having ultimate abundance mentality nor the body of a greek god and the mind of a greek philosopher. My current state won't make my ancestors proud, but it is what it is. What you should know is that I am still fighting, looking out for my mental health and trying as hard as I can to better myself, so your advise wasn't wasted. I WILL come out of this stronger and better. So thank you for your thoughts, and for briefly caring about another human being you don't know. Hello brothers, long time lurker... I will get right to it, I am recently divorced, and I guess the breakup is taking its toll. I feel unimaginable pain, and my productivity is pretty much zero. I wish this was fresh, but it happened 2 month ago. To give a quick background, married for 7 years, first everything, middle eastern country so its not uncommon, I was a lurker here for a long time and this place benifited me immensely, but apparently I didn't fully internalize a lot. I thought just because different culture, some things don't apply...you know where this is going. She left me because I was boring and didn't give her tingles, despite a stable career and decent money flowing. I read the sidebar. I started exercising and lost a ton of weight (but still fat, too fat), I was on my way to better things and then the quarantine happened. Sitting alone most of the day is making my brain eat me alive. I miss her, yet can't forgive her, I miss the emotional intimacy, the sexual release. The fact that i am working abroad, completely alone and cut off family and friends isn't helping. I need your help brothers, ever since the divorce my motivation is shot, I simply can't do work or anything serious, aside from working out (used to gym, now home workouts), I used to chase after my career hard, now I don't give a fuck. I can't find the motivation/discipline to work or be productive. Why bother? If I become homeless and die... Why bother? I won't be more alone or more in pain. My heart literally hurt, actual pain from the emotional toll. How can I get over her during a quarantine with no ability to socialize or date? (and honestly, no energy). And how to regain my mission? Right now nothing matters. I want to be a man on a mission, and I know how, just can't find the energy to do it. Appreciate you help, brothers. I literally have no one else...",,18,throwawaypain345,2020-04-02 17:59:59 askMRP,ftiqyl,How did you learn good text game?,"I know texting is just for logistics etc, but during these times that doesn't hold as true, so - how did you learn to game girls well over sms/whatsapp/dating apps? ",,6,earlnightingale,2020-04-02 08:35:18 askMRP,ft4oeh,Boundary or insecure mate guarding?,"For a potential LTR upgrade I plan on saying ""I dont date girls who keep in touch with exes"" or ""When in a relationship I dont message my exes/flings and I expect the same"" or ""My GF doesnt keep in contact with exes, you cna do what you please but my GF doesnt"" On one hand its a personal boundary because I cant stand to know/meet any LTRs exes. On the other most women think its normal to stay in touch with an ex.",,10,g4l4xy36,2020-04-01 17:46:45 askMRP,fstzje,"Anyone get the ""Not tonight, I have Corona Virus starting"" rejection yet?","Edit: I actually want to see what men are going through with Corona Virus, so I am making some edits. The Corona virus fucked up a lot for me, gym closing, near fatty food all the time, and being cooped up with a bunch of little kids is pretty rough. I ended up gaining about 5LBs, and actually working more than normal. &#x200B; What I'm working through with the Virus: 1. Lost my Gym 2. Lost being able to escape, and being more flirty while away 3. Lost majority of hanging out with my friends, I had been working on reconnecting with other men / friends. 4. My hobbies have closed down. 5. I work outside, since I am able to WFH, and let me kids play all day long. Its pretty nice seeing them play. &#x200B; Positives: 1. Showing, 2x daily still, keeping my hygiene up. 2. Still styling my hair, and wearing nice clothes. Not sitting in PJ's all day. 3. Letting the kids play more than normal 4. Badass home gym now 5. I realize how bad her gaming actually is. She games all day and the kids just run around like crazy kids. &#x200B; Trying to game has been horrible: 1. Kino is harder now, actually. She is locked up all day, at least before she would come out and visit me for 10 minutes when I got home from work. 2. I don't see women in public any more, can't do any type of mild flirting for practice 3. Been cooped up for weeks in the house, bunch of kids running around. 4. It was easy to accept no, has she finally started her periods again. 5. I tried to flirt with her, tried kino, and I suck at these things now. When I tried to initialize , she declined, so I gave her 3 options of... couch, bed, or shower, she can pick one, trying the MMSLP, but I have no game and it failed. 1. Her dull stare went on for about 30 seconds... looking at the wall. She had the look of ""how the fuck am I going to get out of this"". 2. 30 seconds later, she gets a cough. then coughs more, and more....She then googles for symptoms of Corona virus... and tells me she thinks she has it. The funny story... I'm not a dick, so yeah, I made some tea, got her vitamins... etc I knew she was lying. How the hell did you get sick when we haven't been outside in weeks, and zero packages have come to our house, lol. She keeps sitting doing a slow cough.... Mind you, no coughs all day, and she has been video pc gaming all day. She got up to the bed room, and ... zero coughs for 2 minutes. She walks back out.. coughs start again. Now that I am aware of Hypergamy and my years of Beta.... I can see how fucked I truly am.... or am not rather. Edit #2: I have a lot of work to do to fix myself for sure. As we sit and watch TV, zero coughs for about an hour now.",,20,MassiveLeftist,2020-04-01 06:08:11 askMRP,fr63so,I am emotionaly cold and unavailable especially in my relationship,"Where my partner feels we're not together if we're not seeing ourselves. Basically there's coldness and distance when we are apart and closeness where we are together It's not single issue with single and particular women, in this case it is with my LTR, and every previous relationship ended because there were no emotional connection and comfort, closeness and familiarity from my side, they felt alone with me, no wonder huh Now when i'm apart from my girl because of quarantine and can not see her, while we were talking at the phone today she was like ' do you have anything pretty to tell me, encheer me, just tell me something, any pretty word ' . we are in isolation and i hear how bored and anxious she is and i dont know to raise her emotions, to be the rock, to do anything of the value to make her feel better I don't understand how to connect on much deeper emotional level with people, even with my parents, i'm distant. Battling depression in my life and telling no one about it Don't understand language of women and talking to their emotions. Sometimes i feel like i'm talking to my friend and not my sexual partner, how to womanese? And to all what she said with her deep breaths i lost my frame and was like ‘ to tell you what, i have no idea, this shit is killing me’ and there you go - im not support and not someone she could rely on, thats what ltr’s are for huh? It’s not that i’m NEEDY here, this is something that prevents me from enjoying people as they are my whole life and i’m losing people because of it, no gain or mindset like ‘ fuck anyone who couldn’t accept me as i am’ because this version of me sucks shit and i don’t like it does that pretty tellings and encheering means ‘ i love you, miss you, adore you’?",,4,nrtthrowaway,2020-03-29 13:45:20 askMRP,fp1324,Keeping things fun in quarantine,"Hey MRP, now that the lockdown has been going on for a bit, what are you doing to break up the monotony and keep everyone sane? Here we set up our pop up trailer in the back yard and are going to have a camp out with everyone making their own hobo dinners. I bought the video ""home quarantine"" workouts from a friend who owns a gym so the kids and I can get a 30 minute body weight/cardio workout in together when they start acting like they are ready to climb the walls. Extra TV/video games hasn't been helpful as they seem to just fight more afterwards. On the list are a few board games we haven't played in a while and a few scale models of ships someone donated to us and has been collecting dust in the garage.",,10,mitch2you80,2020-03-25 23:51:06 askMRP,fnxcpr,Second thoughts on commitment,"Long story short, me (25M) and my 5 years LTR (24F) are planning to move together, we are buying an apartment for ourselves. Im having serious second thoughts, sex is by no means great, shes great (have really good morals, i was her first man, strong family values) she recently gained weight (20lbs) and sexually I'm losing interest. I don't want to break her heart if i say I'm no ready for moving to the next step because it would mean to break up. But also i have this urge to talk to every nice chic i ran into (several have flirted with me but i blew them off). Please help!! What have you done in this cases? Edit 27.03: Thanks a lot for your responses. I cleared my mind, had some days off of everything and realized what I already knew, that i have to be true to myself and man the hell up with my live. The truth is that i wasn't afraid to take the commitment, i do not buy by the idea that ""she's the one"", but i do think that she is wife material. I talked to her once i set my mental house in order with What i wanted for my life. That was a relief for me and her, i could see. I realized as another member here told, that she was following my beta behaviors. I told her about my discomfort with her laziness and she started working out every single day since i told her. I also start working out twice a day, restart learning to play the guitar and finish to read a book i left unfinished. Thank you all!",,19,Nostas01,2020-03-24 02:38:17 askMRP,fkx5sp,RPW Wednesday - Episode 3: Respecting The Captain,"Tonight's show is one for the MRP and RPW crowd that I think everyone can benefit from. Tune in at 9pm eastern as Joe and Stephanie discuss respect, submission, and the captain / first mate dynamic. #### https://youtu.be/DP6aCc6C81I &nbsp; If you have questions, thoughts or comments, you can comment at us on YouTube or call us directly. Find us tonight, starting at 9pm: https://zoom.us/j/2049940418 Meeting ID: 204 994 0418 Dial by your location: 1-646-558-8656 US East 1-408-638-0968 US West If you miss the live stream, you can find the episode using the above link after we air. &nbsp; 🔔 Subscribe now to the official TRP YouTube channel ► http://bit.ly/37BPXYY",,1,bsutansalt,2020-03-18 21:04:52 askMRP,fkd77d,I'm in the early stages o have alot to work on here's my story.,"Need advice and good reads, podcast, etc about MRP. Work so far: I'm new to this whole thing, I have listened to all for the MRP and just got TWOTSP. In the years I became that drunken captain and she went and found someone else. Background: together for 7 years. Legally married for 3 years. wedding in August. The first 4 dating years have been great but also horrible with cheating on both ends before marriage. But both chose to work on it and blah blah. Well we did a shit job, there was no accountability and we did not communicate when problems came up. Story: She wanted to call off wedding in August. Found out today it was because she fucked another man. Found out it was a full on affair from August to January. Something too familiar has happened before marriage, I had a hunch for awhile but she is a great liar obviously and I fall for the shit. she lies it did not happen after the wedding in August, but 3 weeks after D-Day I found out it was still going on untial a month ago. So she says. It does not make it okay but I was not being the husband I used to be, I was being lazy and needy, way too much beta shit, not cooking, not being the oak, no house help, addicted to videogames, distancing myself from her to prepare for the worse, reciprocating nothing back to her so she felt worthless. She says she still has some feelings for him and wants to know if it was real well I told her make her mind up because 1 of 3 things can happen: 1 build frame, leave her and she plays house with him 2 build my frame own shit & stay with her 3 build my frame back up and leave her with nothing. She is very depressed and unhappy. And I know this is my dam fault. She is scared to leave but wants me in her life somehow. I tell her that's not how it works any more that I will not tolerate and she needs to chose a route. Reminder I'm I'm the early stages of MRP. I'm also looking for more great reads. We both know a lot needs to change in our marriage if we ever reconcile. My brain says end it but clearly the heart is like you made vows so work on it, you both need help so find the help, counseling, etc. KICKER: This past December I had the hunch it was over/ending because we are apart from each other and I made the mistake of sleeping with some one too, yeah sure it felt great but I still feel wrong for it. The only difference I see is she continued it for however long and I addressed it straight away and ended after the first night. I am at the point where I'm not sure things are going. Witihot knowimg about the affair and MRP I have been working on my frame while away because I knew something had to change. I've actually been eating much better and lifting harder than ever, (I have lifted 5x/week for 7 years). This other guy has a baby on the way. So I'm starting to work on the frame, I'm worrying about myself and nothing else, my career and future. I have been messaging women just for the feel good moment, it's almost like I want the reward/practice of alpha. I just need some advice and thoughts and good reads on this lifestyle fix.",,5,Bluelabelwalker3,2020-03-17 21:12:00 askMRP,fjys8n,Texting your balls away,"Who else feels like text from SO is a trap? Today I got a bunch of lovey dovey shit and so far haven't replied (not from STBX- she's history probably). In MMSLP Athol said saying I love you is good for the relationship, but is it a sign of weakness? It is showing your feelings and that's always a no no. Women have feelings not men with actual balls. What is your text game and is there any guidelines in the sidebar I missed regarding text strategy? My name is Bootyslayer911 and I am a faggot, red pill date 11/5/19.",,7,[deleted],2020-03-17 04:04:26 askMRP,fj8q4i,What advice to give to my dad?,"My dad (45M) has been married for 10 years to his wife (32F). They have a 9 year old kid together. I am his son (22M) from his first marriage and lived with them all upon until now. My dad is a beta and a pushover in the relationship. She's capable of insulting him in front of his employees and friends. He works in show business and helped her rise to relative stardom when she had nothing. They opened a company together and she attributes its success mostly to herself (she does bring in a lot of clients, but she wouldn't be anywhere without my dad investing in her early on and without him handling most of the operations of the business). Their kid (my step brother) sees the mother as the authority, not my father. My dad goes on a one week binge drinking alcohol every 3-4 months. He does nothing but drink all day at home. He says it's sometimes because he fights with his wife, other times just because of something positive. She then gets extremely pissed at him and has warned him multiple times that she's going to get a divorce. They also don't even go out together, my dad prefers to watch a movie at home, while she goes outs with her ""friends"" to restaurants and clubs. They don't have much in common. This year he has had 2 binges already, one in new years that lasted a week, and the other at the end of February that lasted 2-3 days. I walked in home one day after his February binge and she told me we had to move with my dad to our old apartment (which is half as small and far from the luxurious apartment they bought a year ago which we all lived in upon until now). I didn't think of this much as she has already said this before. My dad started sleeping on the living room couch every day for weeks. Then March 8 (International Women's day) came around, which is a national holiday in my country. His wife traveled to a ski resort with their kid days before. My dad bought his wife a $7k watch as a gift and hopped on a plane right after work on the night of March 8th to surprise his wife and kid on the day of the holiday. They returned and I could tell by my dad's face that he was not happy. He continued to sleep on the couch for days, until one day I couldn't find him in the apartment and asked my step brother where he was, to which he replied: ""he left to the old apartment"". That's when it him me and I realized its for real this time. She's not giving up. He returned and slept on the couch for another week with the hope that she changes her mind. She straight up told him that he shouldn't wait, her decision is not going to change. She asked him everyday to move. I helped him move his things today, I will be moving my things in the following days also. Frankly, I think she's not attracted to him anymore and doesn't love him (she told him this). She attracted all possible resources from him, and now that she's relatively famous and earns good money, she decides to leave him. She believes she can find a better replacement. Many people that know my family circle have actually predicted this correctly. I told him the following: * He shouldn't have left the apartment. If she wishes to leave, she's free to do so. She told him to ""act like a man"" and leave the apartment. The kid is attached to the mother, so my dad should think about their kid because it would be hard for the kid to move apartments and our current apartment is close to his school (she could've rented another apartment close to school, but anyways, that's what she said). * Start lifting. My dad is tall and has an attractive face, but he's a little overweight. Losing some kilos would improve his health and looks and its better than sitting at home watching tv shows and movies. * Dread. I told him not to initiate contact for at least 1-2 weeks. Business related only. Told him to act as if nothing happened when they have to see each other. I'm not sure if he will go along with this, but I really hope so. * TRP resources. I plan on giving him a recommendation for a TRP book. No More Mr Nice Guy or The Rational Male as a start. I realize that his chances of getting her back are minimal, and he shouldn't be aiming for that anyways, but what other tips can I give my father so he can get back together and reestablish himself as an alpha in the relationship? My dad has gone through a divorce already, and if he gets divorced to his current wife his emotional state will go to shit, he will start drinking heavily, and their business will go to shit also.",,12,DennisErectus,2020-03-15 21:15:13 askMRP,fi057c,Always Prepping...,"Given recent events, I am putting up a thread for folks to discuss what they are doing for coronavirus planning. Normally we like to keep this subreddit on topic, but this is a occasion where exchanging notes is very useful. Keep the thread on topic, as it will be moderated.",,21,SteelSharpensSteel,2020-03-13 14:04:55 askMRP,fg3quk,Suggestions dealing with ambushes,"Things have leveled off, maintaining a strict diet plan , being more social, wife finally got a job, sex life is ramping up again. I been removing myself from the situation when wife goes into bitch mode, normally she is ok when i come back. Her latest tactic, is to start bitch mode when it's hard for me to leave example Sunday late at night, weekdays 7 am, stuff like that, last one i went STFU and just occasionally telling her ok, yeah and stuff like that. Question, how to deal with this traps, another tactic she uses when i STFU, is start telling me how i have no balls and stuff like that because i allow her to speak to me like that and i don't say anything, as i see it are just baits.",,10,turbospeedsc,2020-03-09 23:03:37 askMRP,fg3go6,How to tell if this is a divorce shit-test. [long],"Stats: 51 yo, 69kg, 12.9%(?) BF; Squat: 72.5kg; OhP: 40kg; BP: 47.5kg; Row: 55kg; DL: 85kg **Have read:** NMMNG, MMSLP, 16 Commandments of Poon, TBOP, 60 Days of Dread, Steele's guide, MAP by Athol Kay, WISNIFG. **Currently reading:** Still working through NMMNG ... this time I’m doing the exercises. My backstory is here [OYS #5](https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/fcrmjb/own_your_shit_weekly_march_03_2020/fjctpkk/?context=3). I was going to put this in this my reply to this weeks OYS thread, but it got too long so I decided to seperate it out into its own post. I've been traveling for work this week, and I arrived back late on thursday evening. Friday morning, I took the kids the kids to school and dropped the car at the shop for maintenance. I worked the morning and had planned to visit the gym in the afternoon. Just after lunch the wife surprised me with ""I thought you'd be okay picking up the kids after school."" They have a lot of activities on Friday which would mean I wouldn't get back until 8pm. I said ""I had planned to go to the gym."" And this was met with a huge emotional outburst of how she has to get some school work done. I've become quite attached to the iron temple, and having just finished WISNIFG, I simply re-iterated that I had planned to go to the gym. Another emotional outburst about how I was prioritising my gym time over her school work and how I ""didn't get it."" She's quite right, because I really didn't get it. I thought my position was quite reasonable consider she spent all morning in the salon although I never mentioned this. I kept calm and didn't DEER. I also didn't back down and just kept re-iterating my point. I would have been happy to reach a compromise, but because I was met with an emotional outburst I thought I'd stay-the-course. I got to go to the gym as I had planned. She took the kids for the evening and slept in the spare room. The next day she had another emotional outburst and said that she feels I don't understand her workload and how ""I don't have her back."" Again, I just keep quiet and listen to what she has to say without getting upset. I went for a swim to clear my head after the onslaught. Monday morning, she sits me down and starts talking about how we've been trying for a year ... we haven't been intimate in over a year and although we get along as room mates, there is little or no physical interaction. She said she needs to be honest with how she feels and that we should separate. I had expected this conversation. It wasn't pleasant but I wasn't shocked. So, I laid out some of the thoughts that I had ... she should be the one to move out, I'd like to keep the kids schooling to be uninterrupted, we'd loose the house etc. She got very quiet and wasn't saying very much. We finished by agreeing to think this over for a few days before saying anything to the kids. This conversation was very different the the previous two, in that it was very subdue with very little emotion. This is how I understand the whole dynamic ... I've started to get some discipline in my life which includes having boundaries and enforcing those boundaries. She's noticed this change and has reacted by lashing out emotionally. But I don't know what to make of the conversation on Monday morning. I've read some of the OYS stories where wives will throw in a divorce shit-test ... but our conversation wasn't an emotional outburst. How can I tell if this is a divorce shit-test, or if it's for real? If it's a divorce shit-test what approach can I use to de-escalate? If we continue on our current path then we'll end up divorced and although that doesn't scare me as it once did before MRP, I'd prefer a different outcome. Maybe I'm grasping at straws.",,5,stay_plan_is_go_plan,2020-03-09 22:45:40 askMRP,feghbw,I guess my main event is going to be today.,"I'm using my one victim puke here. This morning I made the apparently unforgivable mistake of waking my wife up with the hair dryer and shutting the front door too loud. That led to this [little conversation](https://imgur.com/a/so7ixjw). For clarification, her ""sickness"" is just a cold. Her ""exhaustion"" is because she stayed up until midnight watching TV, and her ""early wake up"" was at 8 am. Standard shit test making a huge deal out of things. I'm going to go have a couple beers with my boss, go home, and get the house in order for my parents coming over tomorrow. She definitely won't clean in this kind of mindset. Honestly my wife seems so wound up it looks like she might actually petition for divorce. That's fine if she does, I'm not about to roll over and whine for her. For the guys out there who have had their main event, I would appreciate a little feedback as to how this goes. Is it just a standard shit test, but bigger? Should I record the conversation in case she tries to pull a DV lie on me? Is it appropriate to provide comfort at any point during this, or do I just keep doing my own thing while she loses her mind? See you guys on the other side. Edit: I guess she has the papers for me to sign. I'll make her formally serve me, and then lawyer up if she does.",,46,Balls_Wellington_,2020-03-06 17:04:59 askMRP,fd9uc6,"Pregnant wife smokes behind my back, shifts blame. How to handle it?","My wife was a smoker before pregnancy. And throughout the pregnancy so far, she sometimes has been leaving the house for 5-10mins, saying ""hormones and such, sometimes I need 5 minutes alone"". I didn't think much of it, but felt weird. Anyway, the gut says she smokes. So I ask her quite directly, ""Do you smoke sometimes?"" She immediately declines, and says nothing. About 10 min of silence, I ask what's wrong, and she says that it was not very nice to ask that. I say it was just a question because I had a feeling I smelled something. Basically DEERing. We were with the inlaws that day, and she didn't talk to me all day, until she broke down crying later at home. Saying I hurt her feelings. I gave her some comfort, telling her it was just a question and didn't mean to hurt her (I feel this was wrong, so hit me, guys!) Anyway, since then I noticed, that she comes back from her 5 mins with chewing gum, and has a ton of perfume on her. I also found cigarettes in her bag, I'm almost 100% certain she smokes. Unless me asking did something. For me, this felt like she was caught, and tried to shift the blame. She knows very well how bad it is, and how she is fucking that up by smoking, but she has a history of not taking responsibility for her faults ( due to my year long bluepill being ) and she is of the anxious type. How would you guys have handled that? My first reaction would've been to explode on how she can be so irresponsible to her and my future child. But this would just bring more defenses. Being understanding of quitting an addiction wouldn't net results. So I am at a loss. Internally I am battling myself, when I am probably overthinking that.",,10,[deleted],2020-03-04 08:01:43 askMRP,fd8rwi,How does your woman add to your mission?,"As a single father, I don’t see what role a woman could possibly play in my life. I have 3 kids and I maintain a household all by myself. Cook, clean, homework, trips, and finances. It’s all me. Woman at this point are only for sex or because I enjoy their company. They are a liability if anything because I finance the dates and experiences I allow them to share with me. I for the life of me cannot imagine what role a woman could play in my life to help me on my mission or to be a second mate. Can you divorced or post LTR guys shed light on how you’ve vet women that you decided jumping into another LTR would be worth it? What role should a woman play if she’s not the mother of your children?",,12,Unfugwitable,2020-03-04 06:10:43 askMRP,fcybgg,Is that math correct?,"General question: Started at 160 lbs/29%BF at OYS 1. now am 152/17. Assuming accuracy, that means I lost 12% fat with 7 pounds weight total . Went from 46.4 pounds fat to 26 pounds of fat. Loss of 20 pounds of fat. Does that mean I gained 13 pounds of muscle? Edit: brag? I thought this was bad which is why I was asking. Seven months of work I thought was going to do more.",,1,Vegasman20002,2020-03-03 17:47:20 askMRP,fc68pv,god saud - evolutionary psychology author ?,"In this weeks Rational Male episode, Rollo mentions someone named ""god saud"" who is apparently a rock star evolutionary psychologist. Who is he referring to ? https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=61XS_eRgIp0",,8,RPAnon123,2020-03-02 03:57:06 askMRP,fb1l4a,Best example of holding frame I've ever seen...,"[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oIhGJyLR6TI](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oIhGJyLR6TI) He wants to go for a drive. He does. She talks non stop. She screams. She pleads. She swears. He grins the entire time. They laugh it off in the end. He treats her like the little sister. He made his living risking his life, driving hard. Gave her a little taste of what it was like. Appreciation. Respect. Note how she replies to the track attendant when they go out, like she is in charge. He ignores her.",,16,RPAnon123,2020-02-28 21:03:53 askMRP,fabxz3,Applying principles in LTR's,"Being mysterious - how if we keep the contact every day, from hers initiating 'good morning' calls to small talk texting throughout the day? I mean, either i will get bored of her or she will get bored of me. I found it much better while we were at plate/fwb phase then this because there's no novelty in it Also, raising interest and emotions - the good thing is that our last few dates were absolute bangers, a lot of good time and sex at the end which were even better, so that can keep us both ready and hot for each other. But it will become stale i guess one day, so how to keep the progression for better and not for stale Im confused what to talk while we're not seeing each other, and sometimes while we hang in RL, from overthinking to not wanting to blow out things For example i had a bad day yesterday and she was supposed to come at my place, she was at her period i was hungry as fuck and came late at home. She usually text all the time before she ends her shift asking what she needs to buy. She didn't texted or called so i did, and she was like 'well i was waiting for your instructions. I was really wondering how long it will last until you texted or something becase i did it all the time lol'. So she came at my place to watch the movie and we started to hit off immediately, taking off clothes etc. but her blood and smell made me with no boner so we just chilled and watched the movie and then fall asleep. So sometimes i have no idea what to text after its etc. Thanks Im reading sidebar again btw",,1,mickey__,2020-02-27 13:17:18 askMRP,f9vr3d,How do I embrace rational egoism while killing my ego?,"/u/SorcererKing argues in [Why you're lost](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/4duudk/why_youre_lost/) that we need to embrace rational egoism to fully internalize the red pill. He doesn't flesh out what this means exactly, but I found this on Wikipedia's article on [rational egoism](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rational_egoism): > According to Rand, a rational man holds his own life as his highest value, rationality as his highest virtue, and his happiness as the final purpose of his life. Rollo's term ""enlightened self-interest"" strikes a similar chord [here](https://therationalmale.com/2011/11/03/plate-theory-iii-transitioning/). Contrast this with /u/HornsOfApathy's warning against the [dangers of ego](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/f70l7g/your_womans_most_wonderful_gift_the_epic_test/), and the TRP/MRP prescription for newcomers that we smash our ego with heavy weights, duct tape over our mouths, and reading. How do these ideas fit together? Are we killing the old, weak, beta ego and rebuilding a new alpha ego? Or maybe different shades of meaning of ""ego"" in each case that resolves the apparent contradiction?",,8,ancient_resistance,2020-02-26 16:25:56 askMRP,f91ikk,How to deal with Admin. Assistant?,"Lifts: 5x5. BP 225. S 225. (S and DL is low because I’m a pussy and I hate to squat) DL 315. OHP 155. 6’3” 222 19% Side Bar: Read it. I’ll cut to the point. We got a new secretary, and she has given me the fuck-me eyes since day one. She spends at least an hour in my office everyday. She’s probably a 5 maybe 6. Just a wall-smashed mom. But not ugly. She has started dieting, working out, tanning, etc... All the other employees notice. It’s gotten pretty obvious. She keeps pushing the limits. She finally just asked me to lunch. I said I couldn’t then had a chat with her that I wasn’t comfortable with it. She’s married with kids and the whole 9 yards. As am I. Yet, she sits in my office and tells me how her husband doesn’t do this or that. How he only has his GED. He plays video games and on and on. You get it. He’s everything you don’t want to be. It sure has been eye opening. It’s basically one big picture of women’s hypergamous nature. I’m not going to lie. I like the attention. I’m a weak little bitch who likes the attention. No doubt. I’m wondering about how you guys have handled these situations? I know, don’t shit where I eat. Although it’s tempting. Do I just need to sit her down and be very frank? Or should I keep letting it roll and flirt always let it be a grey area? If I move jobs, then bang her? Thanks for the advice. And for calling me a faggot.",,15,tablesturnedagain,2020-02-25 00:44:09 askMRP,f8vjni,It all came to a head,"Hey guys, I think I went Rambo without realizing it. I thought I was doing good in our marriage applying red pill (gym, focusing on my own growth, not being overly attached to her, teasing, etc.) A few days ago she was in the bathtub around bedtime. I walked in and heard her crying. Got her out, started talking, she says “I don’t know if I can take you and I don’t want this baby.” She is pregnant with our second child, about halfway through the pregnancy. We talk and she says through tears “other than our (1 year old son) I don’t have any reason to live.” She is sobbing and I remain calm, but instead of applying what I think is “red pill” I decide to just switch back to how I used to treat her before I found the red pill (sweet, caring, showing obvious interest in her, comforting her, probably “placating” for all I know.) I have been very “short” with her occasionally through this red pill journey. And I haven’t been complying with any of her simple requests like “can you tend to the baby while I xyz.” Probably just trying too hard to go the other direction against “blue pill tendencies of being a nice guy.” Probably the very definition of “going Rambo.” I’m the most caring guy in the world and that’s why I’ve been doing to the exact opposite. Rambo, I guess. So this conversation... I just decided to try being nice to her again and quit treating her like a silly little girl. Actually show some investment. Some concern for her well being. I thought I was still showing that during her conversations/sobfests the past few months but I guess she didn’t see it as “caring” cause I was being too stoic. she has said multiple times in the past few months since going red pill that “I wish you treated me like you did when we were boyfriend/girlfriend.” Saying things like “I want ‘boyfriend’ LabelOtherSide back.” So I asked her “do you want me to treat you like that again?” She, through tears: “yes” Me: “do you want this marriage to work?” She, emphatically: “yes” Me: “do you want to be married to me?” She, emphatically: “yes” Me: “do you like us together and are you willing to put on the work for us to be happily married again?” She, emphatically: “oh yes, oh yes yes yes definitely” Me: “ok, we are in this together. You are the only girl I love, I will do what I need to do.” She was crying and smiling through all of this once I started showing some investment/started “emoting” with her. Since then we have been right as rain. She and I have had the best sex in our marriage so far, and did it ~5 times in one night (we had to plan this about a week out, and get some coffee and catch up on sleep the day before the “all-nighter” to make sure we could do it. And no, I didn’t orgasm 5 times, we just “did it” throughout listening to music and watching a movie, taking breaks occasionally.) She has been much more responsive to me sexually, and we are treating eachother much better. I am letting go of this bitterness I have had, enjoying the sex and passion, and I think she is having the “loving husband” she wants. I’ll add this: she has invested a lot in me over the years, and I have invested a lot in her. She has NO other friends other than me. She has had no other lovers other than me. She stays at home, I work, so she doesn’t get to “make friends” much. She is submissive to me and I am pretty much her world. This red pill business has been putting a huge strain on our friendship/marriage/everything. Not in my eyes, but in hers. What is up? Did I just get too heavy, too fast? The whole thing blows my mind, I thought being an asshole turns girls on? She said that my teasing “just hurt her feelings and made her want to die, ‘like you don’t care about me’ or something like that.” Why is my blue pill method of treating her so effective? Obviously it’s what she’s used to... but I guess I’m just asking, why have all of my red pill tactics fallen flat? I don’t want to go back to blue pill but dang... she said she wanted to die. (She since retracted her statement and said that she knows she is hormonal from the pregnancy and actually DOES want our baby... her actions the past week or so have shown that she is “alright” and in fact is the loving mother that I’ve always seen her be. Can’t take what they say at face value, right? Ha. It’s just that her actions show my blue pill treatment of her to be effective. And I thought the opposite would be true. Anybody have some advice of what I should do going forward? Maybe I was using dread and not realizing it? (Fatal during pregnancy, I know.) Anybody have any ideas what could be going on here? Has this ever happened to any of you?",,11,LabelOtherSide,2020-02-24 18:23:05 askMRP,f8tqm3,A little help - advice on aftermath of big fight,"Background: 46, 3 kids, married 16 years, red pilled 18 months, DL 4-6, 5x5 SL: Bench 160 OHP 90, BS 275, DL 305. Readings – Pretty much everything recommended, the sidebar, and some other things.  Most recent: The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck. TLDR: I picked a fight with my wife, it got very ugly, but I think she’s looking for something from me.  How do I stop feeling like a victim and be the oak? A few days ago I picked a fight with my wife.  Honestly, I’ve been wanting to fight with her for a while.  The subject was a social media post about a birthday present she bought for another guy (AG).  I’ve long suspected that something more than pure “friendship” existed between AG and her.  This situation is what drove me to Red Pill in the first place and has been the subject of several fights between us in the past.  I didn’t bring this up immediately upon learning of it because she was going through an unrelated personal trauma and the timing was bad.  But it had been eating away at me and I wanted to make sure we talked about it.  From my perspective and experience, she didn’t tell me about the birthday present because she knew I would be mad or at least it would have made for an uncomfortable conversation.  So her logic is to hide it from me.  I suspect she has been hiding A LOT from me over the past few years.  This is the reason I find it a red flag.  It’s the tip of a much larger iceberg. Our “talk” turned into a pretty big fight reminiscent of the ones we had in the days before my Red Pill awareness.  We haven’t really fought at all since I became Red Pilled although I never was able to entirely let go of the anger around the situation. Some observations: We are terrible at fighting each other.  I bring up the past and say hurtful things.  She goes into full histrionics and uses her tears and abject victimhood as a way of manipulating me.  She knows if she slapped me or swore at me or threw something at me that I would think it was funny.  When she makes me feel like the bad guy, I’m much more likely to cave in.  What have I done right? – 1) I think I’m willing to recognize her manipulation and not fall for it completely.  I never DEERed, I haven’t acted scared or uncertain around her.  2) I’ve continued with my schedule including gym and time with friends.  3) We had this ridiculous episode where we were both in the house and texting each other about the fight.  My texting game has improved 1000% since becoming Red Pilled.  She would send scrolling texts to me that smacked of hurt, manipulation, maximalist interpretations of what I said etc.  I think I did a good job staying out of her game and keeping it somewhat light.  She was trying to corner me into DEERing and I avoided it.  4) She and I often sit on the sofa and drink coffee in the morning before our day starts.  The day after the fight she came and sat next to me on the sofa as usual.  We didn’t speak, but I maintained focus and breathing and tried to use a generally calm body language.  I held her hand for a little while.  Not great, but not bad. What have I done wrong? – 1) Victim mentality.  When I think about the fight, I keep thinking about how I was “right”.  This is small, shitty, victim thinking.  The universe gives no fucks about “right”.  The fight was lost because I lost my cool.  2) The episode on the sofa (above) was, I think, good.  But it can’t end there, obviously.  She wants more from me and I don’t know how to get myself in the proper mindset to give it. My questions – The bottom line is that I’m stuck in a cycle of victimhood.  I’m focused on the ways that I was “wronged” and how I was “right” to say some of the hurtful things that I did.  As if gravity cares about right or wrong when you fall off of a building.  I think she’s looking for something more from me, but I’m not in the proper mindset to give it.  I’m not mad, but I’m also not setting my mind toward a vision for us or how we can move forward together – or apart.  So when we’re silent together, that presence isn’t underlain with anything profound or inspiring to her.  How do I get in the proper mindset to move forward?  What I’m looking for is perspective or perhaps something from the sidebar or other readings that this reminds you of.",,10,IRunYourRiver,2020-02-24 16:30:14 askMRP,f86tx8,Emocional mess once again,"Stats weigth, 100kg 1.87, got new work stopped.going to the gym. i know should keep lifting, once i stopped probably the E2 shot up and the T went down again, just need a place to vent, been a insecure bitch with the wife this whole week, going to the gym next week again. Any of You recommend some beginner meditation books, i need something to calm down the emotional mess, while My T levels go up in the gym.",,0,turbospeedsc,2020-02-23 08:26:29 askMRP,f7d9ab,Titrating Comfort,"Hi, I’m MeanPhysics, and I’m an autist. I’ve been running the MRP playbook for 2 years (yeah, I know. I had a long stall before I started posting OYS late last year), and have achieved huge improvements across the board in personal satisfaction, confidence, social activity, relationships. My marriage has improved wildly too, in all the ways that folks talk about here. Respect, attitude, submissiveness, care, frequency and quality of sex, etc. Recently, I realized I’ve been failing comfort tests for a while. I thought I just wasn’t ever getting them because my wife is fairly emotionally closed off. But through talking with folks here, I realized I’d just been consistently confusing her comfort tests with shit tests. I modified my behavior and saw a huge change in attitude from my wife post comfort test. This has me questioning whether a lack of comfort has been holding me up sexually, too. I’ve been pushing for a variety of new menu items, sexually, and while my wife is sometimes open to the new (toys, light bdsm, etc) in the moment, and clearly enjoys herself, her processing after-the-fact isn’t “oh that was fun let’s do more” but “I didn’t like being spanked” or “that was degrading” etc. Watching what she does not what she says tells me this is wildly inaccurate, but when I try to take her in-the-moment behavior, and talk about it so that we can bring it above board and explore further, she always reacts negatively. She’s also started over the last few months asking “do you just see me as a sex object” “do you just keep me around for the sex” etc, and more recently came out with “I’m not going to do whatever you want just to keep you around, I’m not going to be that woman” and “No matter what I do I won’t be enough for you”. I’ve historically viewed this as insufficient attractiveness on my part and lack of dread. So I’ve continued to AA/AM her comments and keep focused on my self-improvement and game. But my comfort test epiphany has me wondering if I’m seeing this issue from the wrong angle. To me, it seems like her hamster has run into a wall that says something like “if you give him what he wants, you’ll still lose him, AND you’ll lose your self-respect”. It’s like she’s unwilling to try this expanded sexual path because she’s afraid it won’t be enough, so she’s just going to refuse to open herself up to it. It gives her the out of saying that I wanted things she thought was degrading, so in the end it’s OK that I left. I feel like there’s an opportunity to give more comfort here to show her that she can be confident in opening herself up sexually because I’ll be there to make sure she’s safe, I’ll be there to support her, etc. What’s the MRP wisdom here? Am I just unattractive and dreadless? Or have I been missing a huge opportunity to provide comfort and security and through that drive desired behavior?",,10,MeanPhysics,2020-02-21 16:08:12 askMRP,f6o5md,How did you find your mission?,"I grew up poor and my number one priority was to not be poor anymore. I finished my engineering degree last year and found a job that pays well. I'm new to MRP and I'm fixing the areas of my life one by one, but that is a process that will go on forever. I see improving myself as a prerequisite for my mission, not my mission itself. Now that I have got a job, and have settled down in it, I no longer have a vision of my life. I look at my seniors here, and their life seems kind of flat to me, not something I want to aspire to. I talked to my seniors from college and observed that all of them either go for higher education, or slowly climb up the corporate ladder, both of which are basically the same thing. And I'm stoked about neither. I hope to achieve the following with this post: 1. Men who have a concrete vision of their life - how did you develop that? I'm interested in your process, and any exercises or tips you might have for me. 2. How do I find some alternative avenues regarding my career? I'm a Software Engineer and it is a popular choice of career nowadays. But surely, not all people stay in the corporate world. Besides freelancing, I haven't seen anyone do anything else. If you took an unconventional approach with your career, I would like to hear your story. I understand that not everyone is comfortable sharing it here, so please PM me if that's the case. Thanks for your time.",,14,napthaleneballs,2020-02-20 05:16:13 askMRP,f5xrpd,Who can I talk to in person about my personal growth/struggles as a man?,"Title say it all. My dad would’ve been a great person to talk to about this stuff, but he died when I was 17. Both of my grandfathers have passed away now. I have guy friends at work but they are all heavily beta. One was cucked recently and is now being divorce raped. Poor guy. I have Christian guy friends at church but when I have brought up things in the past it became obvious that (at least with the few leaders I spoke with) they are blue-pulled in their thinking. “Sacrifice every part of yourself for the woman.” Where do I find someone to talk to when I am dealing with these changes/realizations/red-pill struggles? I know that “men are always alone” in the world. But surely there are men in my community who can lift eachother up? Btw, all you internet strangers are great, no hard feelings. Heh.",,24,LabelOtherSide,2020-02-18 20:03:19 askMRP,f5gqfc,Corporate Politics - With Women,"Stats: 35M, 6' 84 kg on a cut, 102.5 kg bench, 280 kg deadlift, 180 kg squat. Sex and relationship life is good. This post is not about that. This post is specifically about corporate politics, especially with women. This post is for those in large corporations. I'm a middle manager. I made it through hard work and good politics, but I've been stalling for a few months. I report to not 1, not 2, but 3 superiors who are women, the only one who's above them is the company CEO. My immediate manager, my second line, and my third line are all women. And as a you might expect, it's a fucking nightmare. Immediate manager (a director) is the ultimate boneheaded process Karen - doesn't understand a technical thing, interrupts everyone and everybody in every meeting. I haven't met anybody who likes her - I have stellar relationships with a lot of VPs in the company and every single one of them warned me of her. One minute she's shouting, the other minute she's dovey. One week I'm her favourite person ever, the next week she sends me 10 flaming emails every day. It's a fucking nightmare. Second line, a senior VP, let's call her Hillary, is new to the role, location wise she is in the same city as Karen and so they go on trips together to horse races and what not. Karen has her on speed dial and I can't get through to Hillary at all. Third line, a board member - doesn't care for anything our organisation does, and only cares for herself. She's an attack dog who manages by constantly attacking the other board members. All of these pretty much got their roles because of affirmative action crap - they'd never cut it out on skills alone, and they pretty much add no value whatsover. They are untouchable because women, right? It drives me nuts. I don't know how to deal with them all. I have started applying for other jobs and looking around for new opportunities. Any tips on how to deal with situations like these are welcome.",,16,brattykids123,2020-02-17 22:12:16 askMRP,f3vn0r,Shit test or owning my mistake,"6'0 337lbs married 7 years together 10 years Bench 275 3 set of 8 Squat 405 3 set of 8 Deadlift 315 3 sets of 8 working on form before i get to more weight. Working out 4 days a week hitting both muscle groups 2 times a week. Reading WISNIFG, have read rational male,nmmng,wotsm,msslp read all of these before getting here. First post been watching for about a month, made a reddit account about two weeks ago. Woke up this morning to go to work and the kids starts crying, im already awake so i go to take care of him. I move him to the bed with my wife since he had a nightmare and wouldnt let me go but i needed to get my stuff ready for work. I go out into the kitchen and i hear the door open up and my wife saying i need you to get me a diaper his shorts are wet. Realizing i forgot to change his diaper i go and get it. But i figured stfu would be better since it was my mistake and i need to own that. I have alot to work on i realize i have problem with oneitis, valdiation from sex, and working on my mission. I am thinking if i start posting then i can start owning my shit.",,6,SlightBack,2020-02-14 17:38:16 askMRP,f2px8h,What to do for Valentine’s Day?,"Okay, I’ve been struggling with how, or even if, this fits in with MRP ... so I’m just going to ask and risk being called an Uber-fag. How does MRP celebrate Valentine’s Day, apart from playing hide-the-sausage? What are some activities that don’t scream I’m-a-needy-beta? *Update:* I thought I'd post an update. I didn't want to do dinner because it's too big of a statement. So, I arranged lunch at a favourite restaurant instead. This morning I said ""I'd like to take you to a mystery lunch."" She immediately said yes, and so we went to lunch. Wife has been cool with me for a long time now, and the lunch was no different. Still polite and pleasant but there's no warmth. It started to get to me during the meal and towards the end I really wanted to ask her where our relationship was going. In the back of my mind I kept hearing STFU, STFU, STFU! So that's what I did. I kept my mouth close, had a nice lunch and went back to work after lunch. I had some lingering bitterness over the situation, which I worked it out at the iron temple after work. In the end I achieved what I wanted to do which was to say that I care without appeasement or neediness. Small steps. Thanks to everyone for their suggestions and guidance, especially u/Balls_Wellington_ u/part_wolf and u/ancient_resistance ... that thread really helped me sort out my head.",,6,stay_plan_is_go_plan,2020-02-12 11:37:01 askMRP,f1smuv,"I (27M) never wanted to get married, LTR is changing my mind","I'll keep it short and toasty - I fucked up. But hear me out, this isn't another unicorn circle jerk session. I tried plating a female colleague for a few months but she wouldn't budge. She's (23F) a muslim girl, wears a headscarf, the works, she was just awfully sweet, respectful and hides her nice ass which for me was a mindblowing turnon. After about 3 months of me flirting my balls off, we started going out and one thing led to another, we were dating for a year. Fuck. She was a virgin, she wanted to keep herself till marriage, but is in love with me and we had a blood fest on the sheets which to this day I feel a tad guilty about. She's pretty much perfect wife material: she's financially independent, when i come to her house she has a meal ready, has cookies or some awesome shit made, and gives me tons of backrubs. Seen as she hasn't had anyone in her life before she's pretty much... clueless when it comes to sex and I was used to some very rough fucks, but that's a minor issue and is changing for the better. She's realistic, caring and very good with keeping finances, in our city she's appeared in newspapers for doing charity work. My question fellas as I am desperate. I thought marriage was as stupid as paying to step into a bear trap. But I'm liking the idea of having this girl around and I've vetted the shit out of her. She's a practicing muslim, I am too on paper but I have nothing to do with the religion, which means we'd be getting married in terms of Sharia, no ""losing half your shit"" kinda shtick. She's really in love. And when I say really in love, I mean greeting me at the door like she was my dog, and taking off my shoes and giving me random ass footrubs to the point where I feel like this is a prank. From your perspective as folks who have dived into the risk pool; should i give this a try? She has never asked me, but I know culturally if I dont marry her I will break her heart for good and I'll have messed her up for taking her virginity before marriage. Im kind of in the shit here. Anything is appreciated, really. Thanks guys!",,26,[deleted],2020-02-10 16:22:39 askMRP,f1orf9,Question," There’s interesting theme i am noticing here... People are using examples of: Women not sleeping with their husbands or being sexual with them as a measure to validate that he’s not alpha.. So shouldn’t the opposite also be true? Sex = validation that u are alpha? This is a weird dichotomy..",,0,10points4gryffinddor,2020-02-10 11:02:06 askMRP,ezv4g0,"HB7 from the gym coming to my house tomorrow for a playdate with her kids and mine, that she arranged with my wife. How do I not act like a total beta fucktard in front of her?","New here, [OYS#1](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/eyn0ea/own_your_shit_weekly_february_04_2020/fgjnpj1/) **Stats**: 33M/31F | 5'11"" | 188lbs | BF: ~18% | Married 10 years | 4 kids **Lifts**: Squat 180lbs | Bench 175lbs | DL 265lbs | OHP 110lbs **Reading**: MRP sidebar posts | NMMNG **tl;dr**: HB7 chats me up at the gym, a few weeks later arranges a playdate with her kids and mine with my wife (who she knows through church), so I will see her at home tomorrow. Just starting my MRP journey, no game whatsoever, how can I avoid acting like a total beta fucktard? Lifting 4 months, a couple months ago I see married HB7 at the gym I knew from a past life. Which is to say I was acquainted with her at church. Haven't seen her in at least 2 years. First couple times I see her, she chats me up. I see her a few more times, keep it short, ""hey, hows it going, have a good one"" etc. I notice her, act friendly, but stay focused on my routine because fuck fuckarounditis. Yesterday I'm on deadlifts and she posts up at the only squat rack with a view into the deadlift room, with at least one other open squat rack. I ignore her during my routine but say hi as I walk past her to get something. Today I'm on treadmill which overlooks the cable machines. She shows up, and does a 20 minute routine in front of me. I ignore her the whole time, stay focused straight ahead. Right as I finish up, wipe down my treadmill, she finishes and heads to the lockers, walking just in front of me. As I'm getting my shit, I say hi, she chats me up again for a minute. Turns out, she arranged a playdate with her kids and mine, with my SAHM wife, who know each other from church. So I'll see her at my house tomorrow. Now, I am dead-focused on starting my MRP journey right. Lift, read, STFU, repeat, period. Spinning plates, dread game, all that shit is so new to me, I have no fucking clue what I'm doing. ~~All I care about right now is not looking like a total fucking beta retard in front of HB7 both at the gym and at home.~~ **Edit**: I want to use this as a learning opportunity for how to become less beta around women. Advice? ---------------------------------------------------- **Edit2** I am so completely full of shit I can't see straight. Thanks for calling me on it, all of you, seriously. I feel so much better. Looking forward to next week's OYS. STFU, lift, read, repeat. Got it. For my own edification, the least-bullshit rundown I can come up with: I try my hardest to ignore her at the gym when she's doing her routine in front of me so I can not look like the beta fucktard that I am, because deep down I really can't get enough of her attention-seeking behavior because I'm even more insecure than she is, which is why I want to be at home and practice game when she's there, so I can get more validation from her attention. In front of my wife and kids, and her kids, on a playdate. Holy fucking hell, I'm actually laughing out loud.",,0,ancient_resistance,2020-02-06 16:53:51 askMRP,ezt6zb,"Trying to make myself work with women, not first time getting into this kind of situation","So again in my life time I’m having issues with women where there’s a gap and lacking of connection on more deeper and emotional level. In this situation I’m talking about my friend, FWB, she’s investing a lot in communication when I’m silent, trying to entertain me and being cute, really like her because she’s a good person to begin with. And she sent me few messages last day and those are the bits(I used to get this in the past too and I need to know what’s up with me) ‘ You’re not telling me anything and I’m having a sense that you’re just chugging up something and that you will ghost me and I would have no idea why that happened’ ‘ It’s a bit ‘’naaah’’ that we’re texting only to arrange dates and hanging up, and when we do see each other we’re either drinking or having sex or drinking and having sex’ and ‘ I think it can be much more fun and exciting then that’ ‘ Maybe it’s possible that you have nothing to tell me and share something’ When I asked her if she meant that she wants something more out of us she was ‘ I thought it would flow naturaly’ ‘ A little bit of connecting with you won’t hurt tho’ And all of those are true for me. I’m living much boring life, scheduled and have not so much to share about what’s happening on single day, it’s mundance, predictable and not exciting as much When we go out we usually go every time to some different venue to have drinks, chat and then go back to my, or she straight away come to my place. And then she comes up ‘ I guess we could have more fun then this’. Did she mean some pool, bowling, arcades, something more exciting then just sitting, drinking and talking? How can I connect with her on deeper level then? Is she bored with me? Is she telling me about that communication until we see each other? I don’t understand what’s not going ‘naturaly’ here. I know I’m not making her feel good if I don’t feel quite good on day to day basis where I’m experiencing phases of anxiety, depression and stress, emotional instability, seeking to make my shit together. Therefore while I live boring life I have not so much to share. She likes to ask me every time when we see each other all exciting with her eyes striking ‘what’s new, what did you do today, how was the day’? I usually just deflect or change the topic because I’m insecure and she thinks how I’m mysterious and secretive but quite frankly I have no idea what she wants to know, exactly! Is she asking me to open up, especially emotionaly, so she can connect? She mentioned how we did connect intelectualy, physicaly with a lot of sex and I suppose now comes that emotional connection part? I bet she also want to connect more meaningfuly with me, with a lot of opening up and sharing stuff, to let her come closer to me. I guess that’s why sometimes she get sad when I deflect questions about my school and studying",,0,trpthrowaway95_,2020-02-06 14:35:34 askMRP,ezb51g,"Feeling “Flooded”, overloaded with new RP information and scattered about my MAP. Suggestions to simplify?","I’m finalizing my MAP now and there just seems like there’s so much information available from all kinds of mediums, and I’m not sure how best to prioritize. A lot of the materials (like NMMNG) are so rich with life changing info that I’m not rushing through it. Some concepts (like Dread , and Abundance Mentality for example) take me a few days to sit with and think about. Even the MRP sidebar is a maze of links within links and I often get lost/sidetracked. I realize there’s no MAP template as each one is different (even Athol’s description of the MAP in MMSLP is vague as to structure). But is there a preferred priority of reading, or any structure that makes sense for all? Reading Lifts Relationship Dread Frame Abundance Mentality Career Plates Finances STFU DEER Divorce Prep No Porn Game Agree and Amplify Amused Mastery Stay plan is the go plan",,7,MentalPointOfOrigin,2020-02-05 15:25:56 askMRP,eyua40,Fiancee threw a butter knife at me,"Last night, we were eating a snack together, and the topic of her weight came up. (She was on her period FYI) She gained some weight last year, and made a comment towards the end of summer that she doesn't feel as confident in a bikini as she once did. She's not fat, but it's noticeable from when we first started seeing each other. She said at that point that she would buckle down this past fall and hit the gym as she used to. Obviously, that never happened. I played it cool and kept going to the gym on my own. The wedding is supposed to be in June. She made similar comments to the above after New Year's Eve. This time, I have been pushing her more to the gym and in the gym, in the name of support. Last night, she was trying to say that she weighs (and looks) the same as she did five years ago. I was agreeing in a sarcastic way and she was laughing at first, but slowly my language morphed to the literal/logical as I tried to explain (huge mistake) that she does not and that she shouldn't lie to herself if she intends to commit to making a change. She apparently took serious offense to this and threw the butter knife that she was using for the peanut butter at me square in the chest. She went to bed. No other physical escalation, no yelling or anything. This morning, I went to the gym, and when I got back and we were both getting ready, she is half sobbing about how I am pushing her too hard, and she is going to break. (She went to the gym twice last week - Tuesday and Saturday) This might be more related to her 1 hour commute each way to her new job - although this is supposed to be temporary up to May/June. She has yet to apologize for the disrespect. I told her I was sorry for offending her but not for telling the truth before she went to bed. She refused my peace offering of reading her a bedtime story (women = children), which she usually enjoys. Should I end this relationship?",,21,The_Meissner_Effect,2020-02-04 18:14:10 askMRP,ey0o30,Help get that fire back,"Me: 33 Wife: 37 Married 5 yrs and 2 kids 5 & 2. Back when I found TRP and sought advice from the members, I was driven to improve and had made some decent improvements. At around end of October last year after my wife informing me that she wants to separate, she had previously asked me to stay with my parents and come stay in our house when it's my turn to be with the kids while she stays who knows where and vice versa. I refused. Staying with my parents is not an option as far as I'm concerned. She said fine she will find somewhere for her and the kids to live. I said if she waits till Feb/Mar when business picks back up, I'll find somewhere for me to go so she can stay in the house. No that's too long to wait was her response. The main aim with all this was to give the kids a stable environment and keep interruptions to their lives to a minimum. I was still at my peak of being driven and working on myself and taking in as much TRP knowledge at every spare moment I had, when I came home one Monday night (late Nov) to find no one is home and some clothes and small items gone. After a few attempts to call her I texted her that night to ask if I can at least say goodnight to the kids. She replies later that night saying sorry kids are already asleep. No explanation, nothing. I tried calling again and still no answer despite just sending me a text. I'm losing my mind at that moment and if it wasn't for my deep dive into TRP, I think the old me would have. The next day (Tuesday) I try seeking help and try to find out where my kids are and am told there isn't much I can do. Yes I have rights but the police won't assist until it's been a few days. A lawyer can send a letter at $xxx cost. What's the point in that though? Besides I don't know where to send the letter. Wednesday afternoon I get a call from my wife and she is extremely hostile telling me she is in control here, not me. She says we can do this the nice way or the hard way and that it's up to me how this goes. She has a very wealthy uncle and she mentions that he is willing to help her with legal bills etc. I don't know if there is any truth in this. He doesn't just offer his money out like that. But I'm not willing to find out in any case. At this point I'm honestly thinking WTF has got into this woman?!? She is behaving rather dramatically even for her. She loves to dramatise things. Must be the effect of years of watching soap operas. During this phone call, she agrees to let me spend 1 hour with the kids on Thurs with her present to supervise. I ask for 3 hrs and she absolutely refuses. I'm thinking WTF do you need to supervise? Why is she acting as though I would harm my kids? This comment makes me think that wherever she's staying it's somewhere for abused women and she's making me sound like some violent maniac. Meanwhile I still have no idea where they are, and she won't let me talk to my kids. On the Thurs catch up, we meet at a shopping centre and I take the kids to a coffee shop and get them a drink and muffin to share. As I'm ordering my boy asks me if I'm getting something for mum. I think to myself after the shit she's put me through, she can go drink out of a toilet. I just say no. &#x200B; Fast forward a couple of weeks - She's renting a place 10 mins away and thinks are civil and amicable. Whoever has the kids will call the other to say goodnight to the kids every night. She had me come over on Christmas morning and spent the day together. She's been asking me how I'm feeling about her decision to move out and how I'm doing etc. I tell her I'm fine because it's given me a chance to focus on myself and learn how to be independent. In the beginning, this was true. I was feeling great. I'm now in control of my home and it's up to me to stay on top of everything and organise my life in general. I was extremely busy with work leading up to the end of Dec and things were good. I was happy to have her out of my immediate life. I was sad for not being with the kids as much as I had been but I was managing. &#x200B; I was just focusing on my mission of improvement and lifting regularly until I was pushing too hard and kept injuring my back & neck which kept me out of action and was just bringing me down because it was stopping me from being able to stay on track. Then with the holidays my eating started slipping and it's just been a downward spiral since then. This is further compounded by the fact that Jan/Feb are typically the worst months in the year cash flow wise because. The legal advice I sought back in Nov was that 50/50 shared care for the kids is unlikely because my youngest is only 2 and she needs to spend majority of the time with her mother. At the time I'm okay with this temporarily because I've got a lot of work to do on myself before I feel I can be the type of father that I want to be for my kids. (my parents basically didn't teach me any discipline and weren't really present in the ways a child needs from their parents and I feel this has a lot to do with how I ended up here and am so dysfunctional. Not passing the blame, just explaining I have ways to go yet) &#x200B; **The Present:** Now I'm really struggling to find the motivation to resume this path of growth and development when I really need it most. My boy (5) is struggling with this adjustment and he doesn't like that he doesn't see much of me. My girl is struggling also but her ways of showing it are more subtle. When I'm not with my kids I struggle to find the motivation to do things. Even my work is being affected. My eating, fitness, socialising has all turned to shit. I saw a psychologist last week and she says I'm progressing through the stages of grief. Losing my kids like this, whilst is not permanent, it's still a form of grief. Right now I'm going through the depression stage according to her. &#x200B; **I know 80% of what I need to do, but yet can't fucking do it.** My goal is to eventually get 50/50 custody of my kids. Like say in 6-9 months time. They mean the world to me and there is so much I want to do with/for them and teach them and help them grow into happy, positive and very capable little individuals. To be able to care for them 50/50 I need to get my business and cash flow to a much improved state. I need to manage my time and prioritise my life and just be a much better 'operator' to handle the challenges that come with single parenting. &#x200B; My biggest and most immediate problem is I don't have anyone to talk to. My best friend is now one of my biggest client's and as such the friendship has taken a back seat. &#x200B; Has anyone here gone through something similar? What advice can you give someone that's trying but really struggling? Just finally before anyone points out I'm being beta AF or whatever. I feel like everything I'd learned about TRP has just gone out the window and I'm trying hard to spend time re-reading and just starting all over again.",,6,realestillusion,2020-02-03 03:32:38 askMRP,exjbp2,Sinking further in the whirlpool. help,"Since my last post, I've been keeping my head low, avoiding conflict with the wife but things have gotten considerably worse. A brief tl;dr; review of my situation. I'm immigrant in the US, Wife is US citizen. We have a kid \~5yro. Wife is verbally and now physically abusive. This posts tldr; wife hit me with my laptop lid, ended up getting stitches above the eye. She also first added our current address on her license / ID and the next week went back to dmv and asked them to change the address back to her parents house; hid it from me while also living with me during the same 6,7 months period (in a bid to make it appear that we don't live together when i eventually file for citizenship - I have other documentation to show we've been living with our kid at this current address but this one just boggles my mind as it's just being petty) Main post: since my last post I've been avoiding arguments/conflicts and simply leave the house if she's looking to pickup an argument/fight. Last saturday, she sent our daughter out with her parents for a trip outside the city. I asked her to refuse the parents as I wanted to spend time with the kid as it was my day off. The kid starts crying that she wants to go (she spent the prior 3 days at the grandparents house and was back home just the prior night); so I said NO. The wife puts the clothes on her and tell her she's going even though I said NO and when I mentioned that I wanted to spend time with the kid as I'm busy during weekdays. I have no issue with the grandparents hanging out with them both. She sends the kid out and I'm just upset and fuming. Undermining like this in front of the kids has happened before where I put my foot down but the wife will ignore that and do as she wants. Anyway, with the kid gone, wife wants to spend time together but this is a boundary (undermining me in front of kids) that I don't want to tolerate. I just left the house and spent time out till the evening. The evening and the next day wife wants pretends like nothing happened and comes asks why i'm still upset and to let it go. I explain that she needs to stop undermining me in front of the kids. I am working so I tell her I can't talk and she needs to give me space. This usually for some reason makes her mad. The first two times she tries to push the laptop away from lap, hit its lid to close it, basically getting physical. I tell her leave and lock the door of my home office. She comes back in, banging on the door for a while. I'm trying to focus on work but can't so I open the door, she comes in and hits me in the chest twice with her fists. &#x200B; I come to my bed and tell her I'm working and she needs to leave but she doesn't. As I'm sitting on the bed working on the laptop, she starts her usual tirade of how she has to put up with a 'piece' like me (talking about my looks or personality whatever) and blah blah. I get pulled into her frame and say something mean as a comeback (my fault, i should've stfu), She goes crazy and punches the laptop. Its a friggin aluminum laptop with sharp edges, the top/front of the lid hits my near my forehead and i'm basically seeing stars. Trying to process wth just happened. She leaves the room and I notice I've blood flowing down on my nose. I check in the front camera on the phone and there is quite some blood flowing. Later on I notice its a big fucking cut and I ended up getting 3 stitches for it 2,3 hours later at the urgent care. I leave the house but with my bloodied face, I cannot leave our general area and not go on the main street looking like that. At that point I'm just standing there, in the fucking cold, (forgot to pickup my jacket as I rushed out) and contemplating if I should end it and report it. Googling on my phone what'll happen with the kid if I report. I see scary stories as to how child services take the kid away and put them in the system in such situations. I change my mind instead of reporting. After about 20 minutes freezing in the cold, shivering and bleeding, I come back up and tell the wife she should thank the kid as thats the only reason she isn't in a patrol car right now. anyway, she claims how its an accident (yea you were punching me minutes before that and threw the laptop / punched the lid a few times before the last hit took the laptop to my face). I'm super depressed the next 2,3 days thinking how I ended up in such a situation. fast forward a few days and with her constant nagging trying to make things ok, I try to let go. It's been a week and today we went outside for dinner. She had to took her Driving license out for some reason and I noticed it had her dad's address on it. I asked her whats up with that (as I made her update her address to our new place about 7 months ago) and she says oh its the old card, the new one is at home or something. (this kinda stayed wtih me as she was hesitant to update her address but because I'm an immigrant and will be applying for citizenship soon, I realized it'll be a problem because her friggin state ID says she lives with her dad when she's been living with me for the past \~3 years. &#x200B; Back 7 months I sent her to update her address on the license and she went begrudingly. We had an argument a few days later after that and she threatend she'll go back and change her address (pointing that it'll create an issue whenever I apply for citizenship). anyway I thought that was just a meaningless line she said. &#x200B; But when I saw her card today and noticed it was issue AFTER the NEW card she got when I asked her to update her address to where we live, I noticed something was off. I matched the temporarily slip for her license/ID from 7 months ago and yes, she actually went back a week or so after to again chagne her address to her dad's home (meahwhile living with me as usual). This is super petty and I cannot beleive I've been living with someone so petty. The citizenship isnt the problem as I can apply as a solo person in 2 years, rather than as a married person in 6 months but the thought process of hers. (she has threatened to not sign my citizenship paper work in the past over smaller arguments and thinks its some weapon). I confronted her just now and at first she acted like not knowing anything and said she never changed the address on the card but when I showed her the dates from the 7 months old temporarily slip from DMV and the date on her new card (pointing to her dad's address), she said I pushed her and that she doesn't trust me and that I'll leave her blah blah (we have been married for over 5 years) but every fight, her only line is how she brought me to the country and how she wont sign my paperwork if I don't do x and y. e.g. a few weeks ago she has been pusing for a kid but I'm not financially in a position to bring a new life into the house and she said she wont sign the paperwork unless I have another kid wth) I'm at cross raods. On one hand I dont want to live with a physically and verbally abusive person and on the other hand I don't want to leave our kid as the collateral damage if I leave the wife. :( What should I do?",,4,kundata,2020-02-02 05:01:05 askMRP,ewy0vd,What steps should I take before ending a relationship with a woman I am engaged to/cohabitating with?,"I’ll start off with stating I’ve half assed the side bar and only briefly participated in OYS. I found it difficult to stay consistent when I was lying to myself about what my intentions were. I could go into the specifics, but at the end of the day I’m just not excited for marriage, not exactly happy with my relationship, and fucking myself financially. I’m in no place to lead myself through life, much less another human. Marriage isn’t going to fix this, and there’s no point of considering repairing this after calling it off. I did not propose for the right reasons. I’m 27, she’s 26, we’ve been together since highschool, engaged for nearly 1 year, 7 mos to the wedding. What do I need to consider before moving forward on this? We share an apartment with 6 months left on the lease. She’s on my credit card. We have 2 cats, I would only want 0 or 1 of them. She’s in grad school living off of loans and my assistance. Her parents are broke and she will be a little more than screwed financially for a while, plus they aren’t close to the school so she wouldn’t be able to stay with them. Then there’s the hooked venue and photographer, ring, DJ, etc that’s been partially payed for. I still care about her, a lot, which is largely what’s made this so difficult to decide on. That and my track record of indecision. There’s going to be significant fallout with friends and family, but that’s just part of it. Go ahead and call me out on my shit, but I’m really looking for some logistical answers here from guys who have done this or gone through a divorce.",,30,[deleted],2020-02-01 00:41:17 askMRP,euygd1,Livestream Schedule,"Since it was brought up the other day, here's the tentative schedule for future livestreams: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCQ9t6kguLLbq8CqjEKaB7Ew **Money Mondays** at 7pm -- personal finance, entrepreneurship, and investing strategies **Super Saturdays** at noon -- anything goes from finance, game, the sidebar, you name it! All times Eastern Standard Time. We are still seeking hosts for the main channel as we fill out the schedule of shows. Currently looking for the following: * Fitness Experts to co-host ""Training Tuesdays"" * 1-2 Red Pill Women to co-host ""Women Wednesdays"" Contact /u/bsutansalt if interested.",,0,TheRedPillFinance,2020-01-28 01:42:34 askMRP,eucrko,Umbilical hernia from lifting,"36y, married 3 years, 1 child (2y) 6'3'' 220lbs 11 months of barbell training. Squat 231, DL 308, BP 231, Pendlay row 198, OHP 143, Chinup +44lbs. (Reps) So I got a fucking umbilical hernia. Recently when i finish workouts and after chugging down a protein shake, my bellybutton hurts and pops out. I press down on it and it gets back in a bit. However I can still feel it's there when I get in certain positions. I have a doctors appoitment in a week. So bassically I'm so fucking pissed at myself for letting this happen to me. Just when I started feeling stronger then ever and broke platoues on some of my lifts. I'm also frustrated by the fact that I probably need to stop lifting right now wich means stopping my progress and not having a place to go away from my wife. This also means shit tests could increase and attraction will decrease. So fucking pissed. Anyone had any experience with hernias from lifting? Edit: I apriciate the answers from you guys. You helped me change my perspective on this.",,9,go-RED-go,2020-01-26 20:55:41 askMRP,eto9dp,David Sinerks (sp?) Differentiation and Developing your Frame Therapy ? BP Professor YouTube..,"At 1:20 of the video below, BP Professor mentions something called ""David Sinerks (sp) Differentiation and Developing your Frame Therapy"" ? What is the correct spelling of David's last name ? [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uaPsgVcjgtk](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uaPsgVcjgtk)",,8,RPAnon123,2020-01-25 08:24:14 askMRP,ettbk1,Livestream is happening now!,"https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCQ9t6kguLLbq8CqjEKaB7Ew Come say hi and get some questions answered.",,0,TheRedPillFinance,2020-01-25 17:05:22 askMRP,etd64j,The red pill on insane difficulty : a marriage story with a progressively debilitating illness – taking suggestions,"Hi guys, Basic Question Now: 36yo 190cm 75 kg ~ skinny fat AF 3 years ago : 185kglbs ~15%BF (bulking), Lifting (all x5 | Kg): BP: 50, SQ: 77.5 OHP : 50, ROW: 45 Wife: 30 (SAHM) | Together: 8 | Married: 5 | Kids: 2 (2,5m and 0,1f), for context, she was a 9/10 a couple years before we met (she was then 22 and me 27), a 8 when we met (precocious wall I guess) and good looking for her age now. Read: NMMNG WISNIFG TRM MMSLP Pook Poon (neither MAP or WOTSM yet), long long term lurker of trp / heartiste / dalrock. I had decent game prior to the relationship and kept it at a fair level (regular quantifiable successes with HB8+) which made me oblivious to the fact that my fucking mission was blindsiding my appreciation of my relationship which deteriorated while I merrily became Mr. Betamax to prove myself a point (and because I was a faggot) more on that later. Until 4 years ago , while I didn’t fully grasp the reasons of the evolution in the relationship, I realized the effects it had on our non-existent sex life, and I decided to go to the gym (duh), and build up a start of a decent shape. The project was to improve my SMV, and update my mission (which includes a part of Christian dogma and was preventing me from correcting my relationship) and also stop being a faggot. And then it happened : an auto immune disease, without any known cure. My only hope was to tone down the symptoms. It was debilitating at first (high fevers, cramps, etc) and then attacking the nervous system (brain fog, forgetfulness, numbness, migraines, and more), ligaments and muscles (heart palp, eye twitching, extreme fatigue, and more). The fatigue was so intense I couldn’t climb stairs without pause, couldn’t be functional past 17pm, and couldn’t hold a long conversation. The headaches were so bad I couldn’t read more than two sentences at a time, had trouble finding an answer to the most basic of shit tests. The pain was so constant, I couldn’t think straight during the episodes. Had to go survival mode in order to keep my job, and my family. It has been 3 years of sleeping – working – trying to find a cure. Literary no time to work on my mission, or to game anyone, not the slightest possibility of working out, nor improve myself in any way. Just not die. I was incredibly lucky enough to keep my job thanks to a good man that protected me / hid me from scrutiny. But when I tried to switch job after a while, I got sacked in a record time. Still we have no financial troubles. Now for the fun, guess how much support I received from the wife? Yeah, Precisely. Even if I went in fully expecting the behaviour, it still hurt. Come on she was living on my fucking dime the whole time, with only one kid to take care of ! Could she at least ASK how I was doing ? Like one time in three years ? People are kinder to pets, fuck ! For the record, I was lucid enough to never ask her directly for help or cry, or show weakness of will, but ofc in my state I had a literal negative frame. Well it is useless to get angry at it, it is what it is. Anyway, eventually, through efforts and research, I found a semi reliable experimental cure 4 months ago, and I am slowly getting out of this hell. I have been functional for only one month during which we had our second baby (while it was unwise to grow the family, I conceded her the pregnancy to keep her happy, and because I want a big family). Unfortunately, a lot of the symptoms are still lingering (slight vertigo, moderate fatigue, trouble with words), and even if I am getting a gym membership as soon as my work schedule allows it, I need some help cause the relationship is beyond fucked up: Nuclear shit tests, indicators of disinterest (you disgust me), suspicions of cheating (fifty fifty on this one as the medication gives paranoiac psychosis, although no proof after bugging the computer and her phone for a bit but I will l give the kids a pat test), total lack of respect, no sex now (was starfish for a long time before), no obedience, sapping my authority in front of the kids, and ofc second guessing everything and looking at me as Mr Betasucks (the beta that can’t provide). As for me, I am in the process of losing a second job (I am doing what I can to keep it, but it is unlikely as I underperformed severely while sick), even though I should be able to find another one relatively easily, and should be able to keep it then, have a strong support network, but a recovering frame weak as fuck. So I am open to any suggestion, to improve the situation. As I am still struggling intellectually and physically I can’t seem to find the way out here. Thanks guys.",,18,Luftbrucke,2020-01-24 17:04:18 askMRP,ersfcn,"Thanks MRP/ASKMRP, you fixed a man, and a marriage, although i no longer want the marriage.","130 lbs. 5’0” BF 14% (Navy) 38 old Squat: 230 x5, OHP: 108 x5, Rows: 124 x5, Bench: 141 x5, Deadlift: 245 x5. MMSLP, WISNIFG, NMMNG, Rollo Best of year 1,2, 16COP, BOPook, TWOTSM, Bang, RationalMale, SGM, BP professor/red man group/ryan stone/rollo youtube videos, Huge amounts MRP/ASKMRP posts Together for 12 married for 10, wife 33, kids 4 and 8. This post is to say thank you to this community for the help you provided me, it truly is a goldmine of information, the hard work of putting it all together and laid out ready to follow is much appreciated. Also this post is for my own reference in future, for comparison for others and for any comments anyone would like to make. What happened....... 15-16 months ago i got the ILYBNILWY speach. I knew this was really bad as I had some red pill knowledge. I discovered David Deangello and RSD back in my early 20s, and did a bootcamp with RSD Ozzie. However most of what i learned was all about cold approach pickup, nothing about long term relationships/hypergamy, lifting etc, but I knew about shit tests, oneitis, being non-needy, OI, just game stuff really. It got me from incel to a few dates and lays to the wife who was the first one who was super into me, sex every day etc. So I did some searching online about the ILYBNILWY and found Athol Kay and then MRP/AskMRP. I knew instantly the info here was legit due to past knowledge, so began lifting and reading the sidebar as fast as a could. I started focusing on the shit tests she would throw which almost alawys came in the morning whilst getting ready for work, STFU and AA were weird at first but i just kept thinking dont DEER, and that automatically lead to STFU. After ILYBNILWY she wouldn't kiss me and no sex, she gradually started responding to my efforts though and wanted to cuddle in bed again and would kiss me as we used to, But then almost exactly a year ago, I found out she had been having an affair, it went on for about 4 months and ended a few weeks before I found out. What gave it away.......... What gave it away was the ILYBNILWY speach, then little sex, wouldnt even kiss(peck) me leaving the house, said she 'could' sleep with others and still maintain relationship and would i sleep with other girls if she said i could (covert talk). She was calling me shit head disrespectfully a lot and talking about divorce a fair bit. She panicked when i wanted to use her phone camera and started the camera for me instead of letting me do it, waxed her vagina for first time, started getting nails and hair done regularly and asked for anal out of the blue (just before the ILYBNILWY). This was the one that got me to check her phone secrelty, after listening to Rollo and Donovan Sharp saying women do this to practice for the alpha. I took her phone when she was asleep and exported all the SMS messages and it was clear what was going on. What I did........................ Initially i bluffed about not being sure of what to do, I told her family to give her a consequence and told her if anything else happens its immediately over. After the ILYBNILWY speach i started lifting and reading the sidebar as fast as i could. I couldnt believe that even though i thought i was enlightened to women compared to most, there was still so much i didnt know. After a couple of months of doing callisthenics, bought a barbell, squat rack and a bench, started stronglifts 5x5 and saw huge progress. I continued to focus on shit tests andI then started playing football (soccer) with friends again once a week like I used to and started going out for beers with them again, something i stopped doing when the kids were born. I took every chance to lead, doing housework, cleaning, aranging kids birthday parties, buying christmas presents, what to do on the weekends etc. Over the last year, half my wardrobe has been replaced with newer, nicer clothing, my old stuff was old and worn and started good grooming habits that I long since stopped doing. When ive been out with friends ive been practising cold approach pickup and Im also just starting to learn guitar and my first karate class is next month. Ive been stashing bitcoin and gold/silver bought with cash as much as i can without it being noticed, so its all unknown by her and off the books, also read up on divorce proceedings and divorce strategy. Ive now read a huge amount of material, done stronglifts5x5, madcow 5x5 and customised madcow 5x10 variant, not missed more than 2 days training since i started. I look and dress much better, smell better, and im in the best shape ive ever been by far. Im far bigger, stronger than ever and my 6-pack is just now starting to look good as im currently cutting. I have a strong sense of mission, to experience and get good at everything i have ability to and im enjoying life again like i havent for years. How she responded................ Initially after finding out about the affair, i was initiating about 3-4 times a week, and although she would have sex it felt obligated and forced and she would complain a lot about what i was doing, saying shes not enjoying it etc, the frequency was 1-2 times a week with 1-2 turn downs. Her general attitude was improving and shit testing was slowly getting less and softer, less aggressive. She initially would say you doing weights now in a grump, i would just say yes and carry on, but that subsided as time went on, now its just what i do. Then she started giving me complements about my body, touching, having better sex, less turn downs and then saying she loves me again, I say it back using the 2/3rds rule. It was a mixed bag, lots of improvements but the real turning point happend when we were at the beach late last summer with her sister, i had my top off and her sister commented on how my body looked hot. Things then improved further very noticeably. This continued until now where I rarely get denied sex, its about 75% starfish 25% active participation, she often will wear lingerie when i ask, anal sometimes, in different locations, recorded a time with a camera, and she never even did those things even when first met. Sex frequency is about 3-4 times per week, and her horneyness is 100% linked to her menstrual cycle. The 1000ft rope has pulled a little, she has tried dieting twice over the last 3 months. She says she loves cuddling at night me more than anything, follows my lead when cleaning house, shit tests less frequent and softer, generally more pleasant to be around, less stressed, less lazy, better to the kids, and she says she loves me all the time. Now............... Initially i had no plan to leave, i bluffed to her that couldn't decide what to do but deep down i was never going to leave due to the kids, I value my kids tremendously, above all else. Whilst being a blue pill beta, her lazyness and complaining about how difficult the kids were, I would take it upon myself to take all work away from her to make happy. So i gradually dropped my own hobbies, friends, etc so i could look after the kids at all times, do everything so she could relax, do what she wanted thinking this made me a good husband. It made my kids even more everything to me, i was either at work or with the kids, that was my life. Now i still put my kids at the top, in the grand scheme of life im will accommodate my life heavily for a few years for them by staying so as to have full involvement and time with them whilst they are young. So i will keep reading, lifting (it just what i do now, i cant believe im 38 and never realised how much difference this makes for women), dressing well, gaming on nights out and leading. The marriage is better than it has been since the honeymoon period but ultimately I dont want it anymore, Ive lost my trust and respect for her. The wife goggles are off and i can see shes jsut a mostly lazy, HB5, not a great mother who drinks too much.She has tried losing weight recently but fails after a week or 2, I think she just doesnt have it in her to lose any significant amount of weight. The thought of financially supporting her when kids are older and left home is abhorrent to me. The constant question that comes to mind is 'what value does she add to my life and what is the cost to my life for that' My plan is to stick to my MAP above for a few years, become the best man i can, enjoy my kids living with me 7 days a week until they are a little older and more independent so as to lessen the affect of only seeing them 50% of the week (about 3 years when they are 7 and 11) then start having fun with hookers as that has a low chance of getting caught (Did it once already soon after i found out about the affair for revenge). If i get caught no worries, we split, i see them regularly still and i wont affect our relationship too much as they are a bit older. If i dont get caught a few years after that when they are both 10+, i up and leave anyway and hopefully take the kids with me and hit the dating scene as the best man I can be. When i contemplate the last year, i think its sad that the world is like this, every single mum in the playground picking up their kid has a corresponding man with a similar story no doubt, and every kid from a broken home (and there a a LOT) has a degraded father relationship as a result, but i digress. Im looking forward to what lies ahead of me, i now feel like im living a life rather than just existing, with purpose and direction. Thanks for reading, hope it helps someone, and now i must continue my path.",,41,fruitylad,2020-01-21 09:46:14 askMRP,err0zy,Wife found out my account in a website and she wants a divorce,"I am 24 years old and married to a 21 years old girl. (married 1.5 years & no kid) Let me tell you the story; I created an account for a website in 2016 before my marriage about relationships, dates which people get help from someone else about their relationship, self-development etc. But my wife didn't know about my account. Sometimes I give advices to girls and guys about their relationship. They all think that I am good at it. I also let them know that I am married and I love my wife. Everyone knows that. I never cheated. I give some TRP advices to some guys there. My wife said that she found out my account and read all my comments yesterday. She said it is wrong to give any advice to a girl. She said why did you do it? Why do you care? bla bla. she got jeaolous and I said I did it because it is like my job. I like helping people, I like to give advices to people. They all like my advices. But she got very angry and acted like crazy, she cried and yelled. She said that she will go to her parents house on Friday and will never come back again. She says she can't trust me again. I don't know what to say. I never apologized. I said I did nothing wrong. What should I do? I accept some consequences but I don't want to lose her. I love her but she can't trust me. Need some advices, thanks. EDIT: Thank you all for your comments. I think I do not care if she will leave me or not anymore. She asked me what I want to eat for dinner. She does not seem like she wants to leave. I think all of her threats are just bluff. I don’t care. All of your comments made me realize again that I should not give a fuck about her. I won't let her to make me feel like I am guilty.",,18,dbayraktar,2020-01-21 07:01:06 askMRP,erd0yw,Need genuine examples for frame and how to hold boundries....,"200 lbs, 315 max bench, 365 max squat, 365 max dead, 8.8% body fat, financially secure, constantly reading sidebar, read most of the books..... Reading my previous posts will add context.... Improvements: Better at STFUing and not DEERing, better at handling sex refusal, keeping more busy with myself as we just moved in our new home I built, better at holding my frame most of the time Many struggles but the following is what I seek advice for: Wife still mostly sleeps with our sins, 6 and 8. Just this morning she slipped into our bed and our 6 year old shortly followed. I have been very clear on my position with this. I struggle a lot with this as I read that I am not to show my hurt but how to balance this with letting her know this is not acceptable? I am confused guys. A lot of the sidebar states to rise above, be the man whom she wants to follow, be strong, don't be butt hurt. I plainly and calmly have told her this is not acceptable...yet nothing changes. I know I should not pit sex on a pedestal, and I feel good about my progress on not showing her my butt hurt, but when we do have sex at my initiating....she ALWAYS whines. Some examples: I tell her to get on her knees as stare into my eyes while she licks my cock. She whines or comes up with an excuse, blah blah. She rushes through foreplay ALWAYS and cums quickly.....no journey. I instruct her to pleasure herself while I watch, and she ALWAYS has an excuse.",,13,1kdawg1,2020-01-20 13:12:04 askMRP,eqmdma,How to be the man that my parents and sister aspire to listen to?,"I seek MRP advice to find better way to execute my plan in a masculine manner, to keep my family respect and lead them to better situation. I understand I have no control over none but myself, and I hope that as a man who would benefit the society, I have to benefit my family first if I can provide a positive example. My friend (divorced 41 M) proposed to my sister (single 27 F) over a year ago. She lives oversees with my parents, while he lives in the states. Now before she even got the visa, she started having cold feet (understood for the age difference). But that's what she told us, not what she does (AWALT), as she went forward to get the visa, and now contacted me to discuss the prenup with the fiance. I like the guy as he knows his shit, and I believe he's on the positive side of masculinity, even though I hated how fag he was on his first divorce. I don't know if he's cured from oneitis, but not that I care. We had a call to discuss the prenup, but her actual intention was to complain about how he compared her with his ex (oneitits didn't leave him), and she told me that she is down for the marriage for the sake of our parents and how she's scared to hit the wall if she doesn't continue forward.. bla bla bla. She is on dread before getting married. I told her if she doesn't want him she should not care about our parents or anyone but herself, and she has to stop wasting his time and mine. &#x200B; I didn't have better strategy to lead her emotions so I was clear and direct. She triggered my resentment because I hate these games women play, even if she's my sister. So for the first time in 4 months, I lost my temper and hanged up the call on her. I didn't want to turn full blue, so I'd rather ramboo the shit if have no arsenal. She was victim puking and I have no tolerance for this BS. STFU was an option, but I didn't want to be an emotional tampon for no woman. Despite all this DEERing, please enlighten me about what should I have done better here? My plan is to talk with my family again in respect to this topic with more care about temper-triggering BS. I'll propose to my parents that they support my sister to calm down and back off, while suggest to my sister to end the relationship. I don't want pull myself away, even though that's an option, but since she may marry him despite everything, I don't want her to lose me as the only source of support when parents are far away and I'm the only family. Please let me know if my attachment is getting in the way of my own happiness or if I could do better to win everyone, including myself?",,0,mrpmonk,2020-01-18 21:08:43 askMRP,eqlob9,How to handle this test?,"Just discovered trp/mrp two days ago. Read stuff from hornsofapathy and my father bought me NMMNG for xmas, perfect timing. Anyway, to the point. LTR of 2 yrs, we don’t live together, no kids either. I used to be a leader, and she’d follow. I got blue in my ways, started gaining back the weight I lost, and being soft. Now she mostly leads and called me out as the bitch of the relationship. Yesterday we went out shopping, I was tired from the night before (gym and vigorous sex after it). She said she felt something off, and was mad at me because I left oil on the stove from the breakfast she took two bites of and didn’t appreciate. I didn’t text her all day, then went out with friends. Her: *calls twice*, texts “I called you twice...” Me: I’m out with friends, whats up? Her: nothing Me: fuck off. Her: gladly. Her, 1 hr later: i’m hurt you said that. Next morning, Me: I was out with friends. Her: then fuck off, hope you find someone who puts up with that. I haven’t texted back since this morning. Went to gym, now doing what I’m doing throughout my day, and reading NMMNG after I meal prep tonight. How would you handle this? Am I handling her words correctly? Will this help me get back behind the wheel and her in the passenger seat? Thanks a bunch. Time to sidebar.",,0,My2020Transformation,2020-01-18 20:15:54 askMRP,epvilb,"Need an exit plan [24 y/o, married 1.5 yrs]","After finishing and beginning to implement the sidebar required reading and getting only 2 weeks of momentum in the Male Action Plan, my wife dropped the bomb on me tonight that she wants to have sex outside of marriage, because she no longer feels safe with me, because she believes I raped her way back when. Our sex life is currently at zero, and has been for a bit. I can't pinpoint what she's talking about, I don't recall any time we had sex where she told me to stop. She has a history of trauma and has been raped by other men in the past, and she sees a therapist one on one, twice a week, to deal with it. (I know, I know. Lets focus on the exit plan). I've got a career I'm excited about and I'm terrified about losing it all. She's terrified about being left on the streets if a divorce turns ugly. She has not made a single threat about filing charges or anything. But I still feel like I'm almost being blackmailed... I'm thinking about telling her she's clear to fuck whoever she wants, essentially ending the marriage. I'm lifting, cooking, and cleaning, doing all my adult shit I need to be doing. And of course I made ten thousand mistakes leading up to this point. I'm thinking about seeking help myself, this feels like too much to process. But I'm scared any therapist would throw me in jail too. Am I just freaking out here? What is an actual plan I can follow for a clean exit?",,8,mtrpthrowaway2124,2020-01-17 04:39:22 askMRP,eprp86,Help Me Find My Blind Spots,"Not looking for specifics on what to do, more looking for guidance on where my thinking is flawed or weak/BP. Thanks for your time. Any missing info you need, ask I'll answer. 30yo 6'2"" 196lbs ~11%BF, wife 33yo 5'9"" 180lbs, married 7yrs, kids 14(f) 3(f) Reading NMMNG×1.25 WISNIFG×2 TRM MMSLP MAP Pook×2 Poon WOTSM Day Bang 90% Atomic Habits 60% BPP 40% sidebar 90% (posts) #Life Background - can skip this In my 20's coming out of being raised religious, (I'm not anymore) I deep throated the blue pill and long term my mission was to have a family and make enough to live a comfortable Beta existence. Short term I just wanted sex. Being Beta all my life hadn't worked to get dates, I found PUA and sprinkled some of that on some online profiles. Had a few girlfriends of less than 2 months each. (They couldn't tolerate my levels of Beta and Nice Guy traits longer than that) While at Military Officer School in the Continental US for 2 yrs I found a single mom who hit her wall and wanted a complete BB. Expected to be treated as my #1 priority above all others, claimed she would do the same for me. I was stoked. She was a ""strong independent woman"" in my mind, (that's what I wanted, an equal partner not a loser leach) but was actually just a bitch with childhood father abuse whose poor behavior I tolerated cuz feelz n sex felt guud. We married after 3 months. Moved back to Hawaii 6 years ago, into a separated floor of my parents house. (Very common in Hawaii to live with extended family, rent is insane.) My decline is the usual story. Got fat, stopped being fun, etc etc. She always had issues following my parent's rules and expectations about living in their house, (conflicted with me putting her #1 no matter what) but we can't afford to live elsewhere. She frequently accuses me of ""taking their side over hers"" It is all my fault directly or indirectly but you don't know what you don't know (RP knowledge) #The Actual Issue's Background She fully cut off sex 11 months ago, and I just found out part of why yesterday. She found an orbiter/beta-to-fuck who is giving her the feelz, pedestalization, etc she has been craving at around that same time. He is in decent shape and looks very similar to me. They play the same online game and he works the same place but different shift of the job she got around that same time. 6 months ago I caught her lying about him going to the beach with her, our kids, and another mom n kids she is friends with. She also lied about him being at that friend's home one night when wife and kids were there, too. I told her to cut off all contact with him. Completely. She claimed she did. (I have proof now this was a lie) I caved 2 weeks later to let her continue playing the game with him, I realized I can't stop her contacting him if she wants to anyhow. She changed her phone passwords, uses snapchat constantly, etc after the confrontation. (Wonder why?) I found MRP about a month or two later. I was firmly in denial until today, like, just selectively refusing to acknowledge the elephant in the room. Now, I have proof of her sending him lots of normal pics, one pic in bra and panties, no sex talk, but not stuff you would text to a platonic friend either on his end, hes ""invested in her and not looking for anyone else, connected with her"" with her neutrally encouraging him ""how long are you willing to wait for me?"" ""As long as I have to"". But this is probably at least an emotional affair, and most likely a full blown affair by now. My mindset is to assume the latter. AWALT. I may get more proof in a week, but it doesn't really matter. At this point I can't trust her, and don't think I ever will romantically again. I don't have the Frame or skill to turn this around at this stage, even if it was just emotional. I really don't want to spend the effort trying. Before MRP I would have immediately hysterically confronted her. Now I'm not far enough along in my progression to judge if I'm making reasonable decisions. #What I'm Doing (where I need feedback) So I am updating the divorce papers I made 2 months ago. I live in a no-fault state. I plan not to even bring up the affair, if she goes along peacefully with my uncontested divorce with 50/50 everything split and 50/50 custody. If she doesn't want to, I will use it as leverage at the right time, and if she fights me in court, I will use the DV incident I have against her to make sure everything at least stays 50/50. I am waiting to hear back today or tomorrow about a promotion that would require a move to another island - 75% raise, and to a cheaper cost of living area. If I got it, everything goes on hold until I get us moved and settled for a few months - otherwise the way the law works here our 3yo's location would be court ordered to stay on our current island. I don't want to be separated from her. I have already separated finances in the way best for child support calculations in this state prior to this discovery. I am having my parents draw up a backdated rental agreement, they don't know what for yet. Its so that they can ""evict"" us since I don't think she will go willingly without a branch to swing to (like if this guy won't take her) and then I will move into a different part of their house that has a separate address without wife. Sneaky/shady? Sure. Legal? I'm pretty sure it is. We may backdate the eviction as well, or just wait the 30 days for it to go through. I haven't told my parents about her ""likely"" affair yet. Right now I am focused on STFU and being normal, not doing or saying angry things. It isn't too hard since we don't speak much anyway. That's also part of the reason I don't think this is worth any more of my time or effort - around other people, I am funny, engaging, confident. Being around her is like a black hole for my personality. She doesn't react to anything I do or say the way other people do. I think there is just too much scar tissue... but I'm just a faggot, wtf do I know? Next to nothing. I am entering a new anger phase for obvious reasons, I know its source is my own skewed expectations that she would follow her word, etc like a unicorn, which she isn't. I am doing my best to channel that anger into preparations for what is to come and continuing my MAP, which will be unaffected by divorce. I was going to start approaching other women anyway once I got to Dread 4 & 5, and would probably have fucked some of them.",,11,AlohaMaui808,2020-01-16 23:32:19 askMRP,epov5b,"Experience with Testosterone Replacement Therapy, specifically if it changes your relationship with your wife.","So I am about to take the plunge with TRT, my bloods were low and tried a month on Clomid which made me a bit of a bitch. Should get my first injection next week. I’ve been consistently lifting for 10+ months with basically nothing to show for it. Hoping this makes a difference there, and with focus/brain fog etc. But my questions for anyone here who is on TRT- did it change your relationship with your wife? I’ve heard anecdotal stories of men saying women are more sexual with them once they raised their T...and god knows it can make your more “Alpha”. I’m not looking for a magic bullet, I am putting in the work, just interested if you fellas have experienced this. Edit: I’m gonna go back to lurking, I’m not ready for the show.",,10,BlueMyLoad69,2020-01-16 20:15:27 askMRP,epwli7,Negotiating desire vs. stating your needs,"I'm gonna cut the shit about lifts and all that, this is a general question. I read most of the recommended info, not fully done yet, but this crossed my mind. We're always told you should never negotiate desire. For obvious reasons. It's weak, and at best gets you some starfish because she is obliged to put out. But I also read a lot that as a real man, you should state your needs and go after them. How do I reconcile the two? For example: I never really told my wife how much I want it. She knows I want sex, but not how much, or in what way. I went nuclear once and literally said, ""You're just laying there"" which ended up in a meltdown, threatening divorce on my part, hysterical bonding for a month, yadda yadda yadda. I realize, if anything, I should state calm and clear what I want. But, by doing so I am negotiating, am I not? Or is this rule more nuanced that I thought?",,3,[deleted],2020-01-17 06:23:43 askMRP,ens1sj,How to respond and hold frame.,"I’ll get straight to the point. We had a family holiday booked last November, it was cancelled due to the holiday company going out of business (Thomas cook). We got a full refund but because 200,000 people also had their holiday cancelled, the holiday prices went up so we decided to wait until the new year to book. Since we made that decision things have changed a bit, I’ll elaborate more in OYS tues. The point is i don’t want to spend 10 days abroad with her and the kids atm. So last week when she brought it up I told her to wait until we’ve sorted some things out, the main problem is the way she behaves when her son is around, too much to go into now but it completely changes the family dynamics. Today she texts me saying ‘I want to book a holiday in the January sales, you need to let me know if you are coming, I’d like you to come but if not I’m going to go with my friend (female obviously) and the kids.’This bitch is using my own shit back on me, that’s exactly what I’d say to her if the situation was reversed, she’s trying to AMOG me lol. ‘I responded with, ‘we will talk in person, not over text and do not do anything until we’ve spoken about it’ Half the money is mine but it’s in her bank as she got the refund, I couldn’t give a fuck about the money personally, I’m more concerned about losing frame by A. Allowing her to keep it and B. Her leading the decision and going alone. I realise this is seriously autistic and no I haven’t been eating paint chips, how do I respond when we talk in person?, if I tell her she can’t go, she won’t but I’m not going to be forced into going now when it won’t be fun. Is it reasonable to say make them wait? EDIT: I spoke to her about it earlier, I said to her we will start looking at holidays now and put a deposit down if we see something suitable, but we won’t be going until later in the year which gives her time to sort out the issues with her kid, she may or may not do that, but I came to the realisation that, wether she does or not is no real concern of mine. If they can get along, great, if not, fine I’ll still have a good time doing what ever I want to do, kids included. I was giving way to many fucks about this and in hindsight I think ultimately it was one massive shit test to see if I’d step up and lead.",,5,[deleted],2020-01-12 19:29:25 askMRP,emljgk,How to build social life from scratch?,"My last couple OYS here: https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/el8s8z/own_your_shit_weekly_january_07_2020/fdh3iya/ https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/ei069l/own_your_shit_weekly_december_31_2019/fco6124/ I’m 10 months in to MRP. Up to this point, I had thought my situation was less dire than average. I was basing this diagnosis on not having a dead bedroom at any point in my 25+ years married. The last few weeks, feedback from this community has made it crystal clear that I have one-it is really bad and little social network aside from my wife’s work/church/general circle of friends. Also critical gaps in my competency set as described in my OYS. The past week, I have been pulling back from smothering/clingy/needy behavior at home. Wife’s response has been to cut me off sexually. Not unfriendly or hostile, just smug and perky: If I’m not going to pedestalize her princessness, then I don’t get my validation handout sex. Enough about her, Rule 9. If this is just a bump in the road, no problem. You can’t make an omelette without breaking eggs. It’s just a place I have not been before. Emotionally, I’m pretty raggedy. Am attempting to be OI about not getting laid, but there’s zero chance my wife is buying any of that, my frame is weak as hell. I understand, textbook-wise, about developing abundance mentality so the OI is genuine and unforced. I got married as a 28 year old almost-virgin, so have never experienced abundance. To my question. I’m recently retired. My hobbies are largely cooking, writing, car restoration, and aquariums. I also sail several times a week, and attend a weekly BSDM class and post-class coffee meetup. I backpack solo for a week every year, and sometime another week with my brother. MRP 12 Steps of Dread indicate that I need a hefty increase in time spent away from the house, opportunities to make friends, and a robust social life. This leads to a quandary. For the most part, being a home-body is compatible with 99 percent of my mission. The guys I sail with are chill, uber-competent, and stoic, difficult qualities to find in the general population of humans. It’s hard to schedule sailing crew, so I solo the boat a couple times a week as well. 80 percent of people I run into randomly, I find fat, beta, pathetic, and annoying. I don’t see how they would add value to my life. Becoming more social solely in order to get laid also seems like it violates some foundational MRP principles. BJJ is out, my skeleton is too fucked up. Although an MMA dude at my gym generously worked with me on hitting the heavy bag. Ditto for say, rock climbing, but that’s exactly the kind of people I like hanging out with. At 56, there’s also the problem that I’d be “that old guy” hanging out with all the young people. Church is out, because I can’t fake believing in the alternative history, science, and the invisible guys. Help me to get my head screwed on better. I'm experienced with the beat-down style of this forum. Bring it.",,14,Goobergus_Gubbins,2020-01-10 04:02:57 askMRP,elwjmo,How to act sexual?," ~155 lbs. 6’2” 24 y/o married for 2...almost 3 years. We have a 1 y/o son with another baby on the way... Christian, both of us raised in nuclear families. Both homeschooled. Lost our virginity to eachother. I work, she’s a SAHM. I have read WISNIFG, NMMNG, MMSLP, working on Mindful Attraction Plan. Going to gym. StrongLifts 5x5. Actual question: how do we “act sexual” with eachother? We are both goofy during sex, but don’t mean to be. I have recently just started not saying anything because everything out of my mouth is just pure cringe. (STFU?) The other day we were doing foreplay and she is comparing the few out-of-place freckles on my body to “chocolate chips.” I’m struggling to keep an erection after that. It’s just so...goofy. Not sensual. We could both use help in this area. Is my ego getting in the way of us having a good time? Or should I actually try to fix this, and if so, how? Don’t know how to lead in this area since I don’t really know how to be “sensual” either.",,8,LabelOtherSide,2020-01-08 18:21:12 askMRP,elb6pa,Update 1 to Caught STD (What to tell wife?),"So, I'm the dumb fuck who posted [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/e8ey96/caught_std_what_to_tell_wife) a month ago (TL;DR, I caught an STD from a hooker), and I thought I'd stop by to give you guys an update and another laugh. Before that, some opening comments: To those who thought I was trolling: I really wish I were. But no; it was a real post. I'm usually an intelligent, sensible guy with a responsible job, but you wouldn't know it, would you? To those who merely mocked or laughed: yes, I know I fucked up. But before you laugh \*too\* hard, think about this: 70-90% of \*ALL\* women, not just hookers, have oral herpes. In theory, having oral herpes yourself prevents transmission to your dick, but, as I found out, theory isn't perfect. So if you EVER get a bare blowjob from anyone else, as I'm sure many of you have, you risk putting yourself in a similar position. To those who actually took my post seriously, and especially those who DM'd me with advice - thank you. I was in a pretty dark place for a few days, and you helped me, even if I didn't respond to your comments. You make this place worthwhile, and you're worth a thousand of the other sanctimonious fuckers around here. Thank you. So, what did I do? First, I got tested. PCR test said it was HSV1, which is a mercy; in theory, that should mean fewer recurrences compared with the other strain, HSV2, and a reduced risk of passing it back to the wife. (But then, as I say, if theory were correct, I probably shouldn't have got it in the first place.) \[Anyway, Lesson 1 for me: Always wrap it...\] Second, I spoke to my pastor. My mind was quite messed up for a few days, and I didn't feel like I had other male friends in whom I could confide. He helped me clarify my thoughts and realize that life would go on, whatever happened. \[Lesson 2: I should take Athol Kay's points about male confidant's more seriously...\] Third, I spoke to a divorce attorney. I was scared both by the fear of divorce and the prospect of not being in control of events. Having an initial phone call calmed me down and made me realize that, though I didn't want a divorce, it wouldn't be the end of the world and would still have access to my kids, etc. \[Lesson 3: Facing my fears really is the best way to kill them...\] Fourth, I told my wife: that I'd paid for a blowjob and contracted herpes as a result. She was not too impressed, obviously, but was surprisingly understanding - said that she had known something was wrong, but thought I was preparing to leave her, and was actually quite relieved that I wasn't about to do so. It didn't make for the best Christmas, obviously, but she made it clear that she wanted to stay, and wanted us both to work on our sex life so that I didn't feel the need to stray again. She also said that she was surprised that I had the balls - not only to pay for sex, but also to then tell her. Did I need to tell her? Perhaps not. The fact that it was HSV1 \*could\* conceivably have meant that I gave it to myself, or she to me, despite her not giving me a blowjob for nearly a year. However, on top of my feelings of guilt, I would have felt like an utterly cowardly shit if I had kept quiet and passed the STD to her, and she happened to be one of the small % that had particularly bad symptoms. I don't want to be that kind of man. As it is, she now knows there is a risk of transmission but has already instigated sex twice in the past week (which I realize may be more from lack of security than from genuine desire, and which most counselors would say is a bad idea right now, but whatever...) So, where do we go from here? I'm still trying to work that out. My relationship with my wife has obviously changed, though I don't think it's \*entirely\* for the worse. MRP is indeed RP on hard mode; I just lost a life, but haven't quite figured out where the respawn point is.",,49,RecoveringOxfordBlue,2020-01-07 12:53:32 askMRP,ekyv05,RP Father's - How far will you go to teach financial independence?,"Finances with my 16yo son have been an issue. I take care of his essentials. He's responsible for anything extra. My desire is to teach him to be more independent. ""Figure it out,"" is my mantra. I have a concern this may have been counter-productive. He has pursued two avenues. 1) Doing house work for his girlfriend's dad. The amount varies but yesterday he landed $60. This I don't have an issue with. He figured it out. 2) He asked his mother for $200. I believe this is in addition to the $20 he already received from her to resolve his negative bank balance. He does not have a job though his grades are good and he participates in after-school activities. He can get a job, but would be limited to around 5-10 hours a week. I have an issue with #2 and I'm trying to work it out in my head. Reasons to not care: 1) It doesn't concern me. I told him to figure it out. He's doing just that. It is only my responsibility to hold my line and hope he'll someday come around. Reasons to care: 1) His mother is teaching him exactly what I am trying not to; to be dependent on others. 2) His mother lives in squalor. He knows. Yet, this doesn't seem to bother him. IMO, this touches on something deeper but I acknowledge this is me getting inside of his head when I shouldn't. 3) His basic ignoring of core responsibilities. My deep instinct is to confront him and say, ""relying on friends and family to support you financially will only get you so far. You're 16. No driver's license (though he's coming around on this). It's time to start stepping up and being more responsible."" I think at a minimum this is the wise choice. However, I also want to take it further, contact his mother, and ask her to stop (I know she won't). If I did take that route, I know I'd have to leave it at that; mention it once and let it be. What is the advice of the RP Dad's out there?",,17,ImNotSlash,2020-01-06 19:25:59 askMRP,ekvv3i,Running MAP on peri menopausal or menopausal women,"I need some advice. Been running the MAP for a year. I know it takes time to see tangible results and I am going to keep pressing on. My wife is almost 48 and I believe she may be going through peri menopause. Thus, this is affecting her ability to respond to the MAP as she has low estrogen. I want to let her get through this phase of her life and see if she will respond once her hormones return to normal levels. I don’t think she has made the connection that she is PM though and I am certainly not going to bring it up to her. I don’t want to come across as trying to fix her. I just want to keep pressing on. But, I don’t think the MAP can play out as normal under the current environment. I would like advice from anyone who has run MAP and encountered this. Thanks in advance.",,9,Brothervoliver2,2020-01-06 15:50:35 askMRP,ejy07g,You’re dismissive. Apologize to me!,"35 yrs old, Together for 7 married for 4, one 3 year old daughter. 6’3, 207lbs, BF: 12-14%, Squat: 305 x5, OHP: 155 x5, Rows: 245 x5, Bench: 245 x5, Deadlift: 335 x5. (Through the rabbit hole of Steel’s detailed guide and links within, NMMNG x2, WISNIFG, MMSLP, TWOTSM x2, BP-professor’s YouTube series. Can’t Hurt Me by David Goggins <—that’s a bad motherfucker! Give him a listen. I do mostly audiobooks in the gym.) My goals are to establish and hold a motherfucker of a frame in life, eliminate my flooding, implement stoicism, covertly display outcome independence and find the best formula for Alpha + Beta = Oak. I’m shooting for the Family Alpha. I know it’s a long fucking shot, but I’m going for it. I’m with a sexually submissive woman. I’ve never paid attention but it bleeds to our everyday dynamic. My decisiveness and leadership has been constantly summoned for years with “What do you want me to wear? What do you want me to cook? Where should we eat? etc.” I failed all those by letting her decide on her own by telling her that I don’t care. Now that I’m showing my presence and leadership in the relationship, things have been better. I’ve been passing the opportunities to lead the family but sometimes I hit some bumps and it’s my fault for allowing her to be the decision maker for 4 years. For the most part things are going good! The issue I have is *some* angles of frame I’m trying to hold is offensive to my wife at times. Certain aspects of my assertiveness, change of my ship’s course and enforcement of boundaries are sometimes met with accusations of being dismissive. The current marital topic RIGHT NOW is about me picking up overtime to put money in my pocket outside our regular finances that pays most of the bills and puts most of the food on the table. Nothing crazy. Just ME, using MY OWN time, to work MY OWN job to put play money in MY pocket so I don’t tap into the funds for the household. She thinks I should also put that money in the joint account that she mainly manages. I’m getting both shit and comfort tests under the guise of “just because it’s not your concern, it doesn’t mean you can dismiss mine.” “You’re disrespecting me.” “I’ve been arguing with myself for a day because you’ve been dismissing me.” “You need to apologize to me.” “The way you’ve been treating/talking to me is unacceptable.” With the reactions I’m getting, you would think I’m having diarrhea of the mouth. I’m not. All I’ve given are a very few “No”, “I hear you”, “I’m not doing that”, and “I love you, I’m moving forward from this discussion.” I also don’t apologize anymore when she’s butt-hurt from me saying “no” or for rocking the boat when it needs rocking. I want some guidance on how to navigate these reactions. Especially the complaints on being dismissive and being compelled to apologize under the guise of comfort test. When compelled to apologize, I simply smile and say “I’m not apologizing.” because I don’t think I should apologizing for calmly saying “I know you disagree, but I’m going to work extra to have extra cash in hand. It’s what I’m going to do.” Am I handling that correctly? With the accusations of being dismissive... I STFU and look at her like I’m brain dead because I literally get stuck like a retard knowing I really am being dismissive. How do/did you handle this?",,5,2wo2wo3hree,2020-01-04 15:34:42 askMRP,ejoi0k,Looking for advice on how to recover from an evening of shit tests ... that I failed.,"First time poster. I'm not going to ask for you to go easy on me. Fuck that shit ... tell me like it is. Me: 51, married 14 years, 2 kids (13 and 11). I’m outwardly successful ... strong job skills (mid 6 figure annual income), kids in private school, nice show home. Inwardly, I’m a blue-pill-beta-fag. You’ve heard the story here a hundred time, failed shit tests, drunk captain, sacrificing my integrity and pride “... to do what’s best for the family.” Wife is 48 SAHM. About 18 months ago wife decides she’s having a midlife crisis “ ... cares about me, but is not in love with me.” This leads to a period of emotional turmoil, and discussions. I can't figure out what's going on, and remain largely clueless. She decides she wants to get fit, so joins a gym and starts working out. We start counselling about 1 year ago. A lot of her issues are raised and discussed. Things get more stable. But then wife decides that ""we should behave naturally"" and no longer wants to participate in counselling. I'm lost and in reading r/relationship advice I stumble upon ""the 180"". I start reading more and about 6 months ago I end up here. I read all the stories that the other sad beta-fags write about ... and recognise myself. I've been worst than a drunk captain ... I've been an AWOL captain. Realise that I'm not special. I read the side bar: NNMNG, MMSLP, 16 Commandments of Poon, TBOP, 60 Days of Dread, Steel's guide. Much of the material resonates. Need to get my shit together, so I start by taking the basic steps ... 1. STFU, 2. Lift, and 3. OYS. Made lots of progress in the last 6 months. Started taking ownership of my my shit ... fixing stuff in the home/garden that's been neglected ... looked after cars so everything regularly cleaned and maintained ... fixed pool problems so it's no longer green but blue, clear and kids want to hang out there. Started Body Weight Fitness (BWF) ... Drop from 85kg to 70kg ... strongest and fittest I've been in about 20 years ... now working on cutting to better show the progress. Relationship changes too ... start getting shit tests on a regular basis. I read about shit tests and start giving them back. We even start to have fun, and I start reading about game to take things to the next level. Haven't had any physical intimacy for over a year, and I want to take things to the next level. Feeling good about myself ... until last night. Spend the day at the beach with friends. Have fun during the day playing in the waves. I'm good in the water, and comfortable playing the big waves that the others are intimidated by. We go for dinner. There are 12 of us (3 couples and 6 kids). We don't have a reservation and the place is full, but with a stroke of luck I make eye contact with the bar manager and she asks me how many for dinner. I ride this wave, and we end up with two tables ... a table for the adults and a table for the kids. Feeling alpha as fuck! Shit yeah. Then she has a couple of wines, and starts the shit tests. One of the guys is a retired chef ... Wife says all wives need a retired chef and it should definitely be on ""the check list"". All the girls laugh. I cook 1/2 the family meals, and this is a deliberate upper-cut. Changes the subject before I can respond. Makes me feel totally beta. I decided to take one up the arse. Not liking it. 10 minus late, she makes a joke about a question I ask every morning. Again everyone laughs. She's on a roll. Starts teasing one of the guys and they banter backwards and forwards. She blocks my interactions by turning away from me and using her hat to block eye contact for the rest of the meal. I try some lame jokes but nothing resonates. I've been outed as a spineless beta-fag in public. Spent a sleepless night trying to figure all this out, and decided to make my first post on r/AskMRP. Retelling this story has focused my thoughts. I started this by thinking I needed advice, but I've been imagining r/AskMRPs answers as I type and I now have an idea of how to progress ... 1. Don't act butt-hurt ... I fucked up, so I've got to deal with it and suck it up. 2. Regain frame, and get the captain on deck. 3. Start preparing for shit tests based on the new material from last night ... I'm sure it'll come around again. Thanks for reading. Just typing this shit helps ...",,15,False_Responsibility,2020-01-04 00:23:13 askMRP,ejldin,Help. Just starting the MRP journey. Need advice.,"Blue pill idiot here. Married 19 years, 3 kids, just joined the gym last month and going through MRP sidebar. Finished NMMNG, currently on WISNIFG. I'm looking for some guidance from you guys. I can't believe I'm just learning about RP/MRP and wish I had learned a long time ago. I'm your textbook example of what not to do and I'm just starting to unfuck myself. To make a long story short, I've let my wife control my decision making for the family. She like to argue and yell, I don't and I was never raised that way. I avoid confrontation to the point of agreeing with her in order to avoid a fight, but we all know how that turns out. She comes from a dysfunctional family where she doesn't talk to her sisters, and her mom (my mother in law) was a single mom. I should have seen the red flags. Wife is a total SJW, feminist, and found out I was looking at RP videos and listening to ""offensive"" ideas that are brainwashing me. In a way, I'm glad she learned, I was tired of hiding my path to figuring out why I've been struggling. Her M.O. is also the same in her professional and personal life, if you piss her off, she cuts you out of her life. Anyway, after years of slowly giving in to my wife's attitude, I'm starting to implement some of the MRP theories. On NYE, I was getting some work done on the computer and I hear my wife yelling and screaming at the kids (it happens more often than not). I had to finish my project and when I was done went out to ask what happened. It turns out it all started because my wife asked the kids to wash the dishes and they started arguing about who had done what. Next thing you know she starts screaming at them and tells my oldest to clean the bathrooms. I figured here is my chance to speak up and start implementing some of the things I've learned and let her know the screaming is not an acceptable reaction to the kids. I agreed they needed to help but then she started escalating, and getting mad. Next thing you -know she starts going off on me, this time I didn't back down, but it ruined the rest of NYE at my neighbors house. If her eyes could kill, I'd be dead. I'm glad I let her know how i felt, even if she got pissed. I've laid low, doing chores around the house, making brkfst, putting away all the holiday decorations, etc. this morning I get a long txt about telling me I was wrong. (don't know how to link images for you to read) here are some highlights - I should have supported her & talked to the kids - I took my aggression out on her - Was ""rude, disrespectful, aggressive, self absorbed and insensitive"" like watching an ape pound his chest saying ""i'm master of this jungle look at me in all my glory"", it was uncalled for and pathetic. - ""You don't have your wife's respect because you behave like an effeminate man"" You're so self absorbed in your music, your Youtube channels, your video games, etc. you need to pray. so that God can help you understand that your principle responsibility is to protect your children and wife over all things. Every waking hour is there for you to sacrifice yourself for the well being of your family"". There's more but I'm looking for any thoughts or suggestions. I work my ass off to help provide for my family, picking up any OT I can get my hands on, she also works full time; Old beta wants to apologize and say sorry, but I'm ready to call her out on her bullshit and do something fun with my kids/hit the gym instead of putting up with BS. Thanks in advance for this community.",,10,joetrader626,2020-01-03 20:39:45 askMRP,eiqcvl,Red pilled 3 months ago. Impending separation. Need some help.,"First post here. I need some help... I'm 43. Together 16 years, married 7. 3 awesome kids. Sex has been bad the entire time. She had childhood abuse and I always chalked it up to that (deep kissing off limits from the start, morning sex a NO, major hesitations on anything submissive). I dealt with it because she is STUPID HOT and figured she would just take a long time to open up. However I had SHIT for frame, failed ALL HER TESTS (obviously didn't realize they were tests), and gradually became complete world-class bluepill embarrassment every day in almost every way, for years. I'm successful in most all other areas of my life... 7 figure net worth, 6 pack abs, great career, social status, friends, kickass dad, athlete, etc. **But at home I was a needy, whiny bitch.** No emotional maturity. No consistent emotional even-keel. Never took the high road. Little stuff would set me off. Complained about the lack of sex. I blamed her for not *logically* understanding how important sex is in a marriage. I responded to every test with either nerd-ass logic or feminine over-emotionality. I ignored her when she needed real help (once after a miscarriage). I drank too much. I lived completely within her frame and was a slave to pussy and always petrified of losing my family. A year and a half ago I hired a coach to work on some work-related stuff. Got into mental discipline. This was transformational. I got sober, built some awareness of emotional intelligence. Began practicing it and applying what I was learning successfully to career and money... then I decided to tackle my relationship. I come at her hard... ""we need to fix this"". I offered to go to a workshop, retreat, therapy, guided MDMA, whatever, let's do it all. I said I'm no longer imprisoned by loss aversion (which was true, I let go of my fear of divorce). She refused workshops or retreats, claimed bad timing (she just finished grad school and was starting new career) and said she doesn't feel safe talking with me. Eventually agreed to do couples therapy. Took 3 months to find one and it was a disaster. Once a week, no real talking between (I'm still acting like a bitch at home). I was hardcore DEER the entire time in the sessions. I basically flat-out *blame* her for having intimacy issues as a result of abuse she suffered as a child. She shuts down even more, then at a total loss I suggest separation (since nothing else was working - looking back was hoping she'd protest but she didn't). So we agreed to separate and to start that process by talking with a separation expert who would help us create a co-parenting plan, break it to the kids, etc. **Then I took the red pill.** It started with David Deida's ""Way of the Superior Man"". **POLARITY** blew my fucking mind. (Being raised by 4 women, my every-other-weekend dad died at 12, I thought I was supposed to be emotional, vulnerable, heart-on-sleeve, sensitive, reject the ""man box"", be like women, etc. etc). Kill me. I won't go into my bluepill conditioning because it doesn't matter. Then I read a bunch of PUA stuff, mainly interested in how people worked with the polarity dynamic. **Then I read The Rational Male... what can I say?** I'm believe I'm through the 5 stages of red pill acceptance. I'm not angry, not depressed, I *have* accepted it. But I'm a kid with dynamite. I have no skills. Red pill behavior is not automatonic. I've read everything I can get my hands on, but not sure how to practice any of this within the marriage setting, when we are literally hanging by a thread. I've been relatively cool since I read the book, no over-emotionality. I have pushed back several times on some things that I felt I was getting emasculated on (she didn't know what to make of it, but claimed more lack of safety) I see her now completely differently now. I see everything completely differently. I understand she operates on context, not content. She lives in how she feels. Her emotional filter is the ""truth"" to her. I understand I am in control of her attraction. But I have no practice in game. Our session with the separation therapist is next week. Then this happens... 3 days ago I express some concern about a 3rd party entering the mix and escalating... concern around losing time my kids. We share a hug and tears (reserved on my part), she actually allows me to hold her while she cries. I hold her while she sobs. This was the first moment in a long time where I'm able to legitimately *care for* her. I'm not trying to solve anything. I don't want anything from her. I can see her as the hurt 7 year old she is deep down. She felt safe and I could tell. The next day, out of nowhere, she sends me a link to the workshop I asked her to go to over a year ago. It's all about communication and repair. She says *""I know this may be frustrating but we have a lot to communicate about and I came across this"".* She ""came across"" the exact workshop I asked her to go to over a year ago. So we have appointments now for a mediator to hammer out a separation agreement (an hour next week), and a workshop to repair our relationship and learn communication (3 day workshop in 3 weeks). I think she's confused and was reacting to my care for her with a step toward repair, under the guise that we'll need this workshop anyway to talk about this kids. My gut says to decline the mediator meeting until after the workshop. Use the time and the workshop to repair. But I need to learn, I need help. I don't know how to re-estalbish frame. I don't know how to be safe without giving away my power. I don't know how to lead her without being authoritarian. I don't want to lose my wife, or my family. I am ready for that if that's what's required to be a better man. I am living the worst nightmare I have for my sons, so I'm ready if that's what it takes. But I'd like to save this. I still do wonder how much of our disaster of a sex life was a result of my blue-pill bitchness, or her past abuse and intimacy issues. I suspect maybe 80/20? Saving us is still a bet that she can relax into her feminine in a way she never has. I don't know what's possible with her sexually even if I never break frame for the rest of my life. I welcome any feedback, resources, your analysis of what's going on, action plans, etc. You may say I deserve this, that I'm still a bitch. Maybe I do and maybe I am. But whether my marriage ends or not, I'm on the same path you're on... committed to being the best man I can be. We start where we start. I'm thinking about my boys. I want them to see a real man, and a real relationship, and that's going to happen no matter what. I'm Just trying to see if I can make it happen with their mom.",,40,2112311username,2020-01-02 00:27:51 askMRP,eiv43h,Still struggling after significant gains. Military challenges.,"Preliminarily: 35yo. over last two years since finding these concepts, have lost 20 pounds from 195 to 175, from 34-36 waist to 30-32, gained a blue belt in bjj and have competed half dozen times, went from enlisted to officer in military. I recently have begun revamping my wardrobe. I look great. I feel great. Testosterone high. Status high. Have read nmmng, wisnifg, mmslp, and other books. My original problem was not a lack of sex, it was my wife freely disrespecting me, me being in her frame totally, apologizing and reacting all the time, but getting reward sex regularly. I was losing it. She didnt make sense. She was always getting upset over stuff that didnt make sense to me. I went through a long rambo phase and finally began to understand the true dynamics. Even though i am aware of dynamics now, i still have a hard time controlling my frame. Ive gotten much better but it seems like now that she will shit test me for 3 days at a time until i lose my cool. Another problem is that in the last year ive probably been gone on orders for 7 months. We both individually enjoy living apart and it seems to be our best situation. When im home it seems thay we always start competing for control of the household and there is constant reintegration stress. Ive been considering that maybe we should just divorce. She is still frequently disrespectful, she barely respects my budgeting, and now lately she has been also removing sex. The removal of sex i actually took as a good sign. Hear me out. It indicated that i was holding frame better and not caving to her on everything. In mind, the next step would simply be building attraction even as i work on training out her disrespect by not complying with her brattiness and tantrums. This last time i just came home i thought it all over and came up with a plan. Its only 2 weeks. Not only would i hold frame, but i would lead like a mofo. I set up 3 dates over the two weeks. I interviewed and hired sitters (she is always complaining that being the one who primarily cares for the kids getting their needs met is stressful for her), i made meal plans, arranged for kids sports events. I hit it hard and she responded super well. She started intiating sex, being sweet and carefree. Everyone happy. But over the course of the last 10 days there have been two massive shit tests that have lasted days each. The first was she took something my son said that i had said about her mom out of context and flipped on me about it. Me: ""oh you misunderstood the event. Let me explain---"" her: (yelling) ""noooo! You are a jerk! How could you say that?? Im not listening to you!"" Annoyed that i had a good explanation but she was actually more invested in conflict than peace i was notably grumpy and was generally cold to her for the next 30 minutes or so. Then she does not back down. Now im also ""making a big deal about things and getting butthyrt"". Honestly the whole thing was so upsetting. I didnt have any way that i saw to fix things. For the next 3 days she was digging at me and being cold and harsh. It eventually blew over. Last night there was a similar fight. I just took us out to a surprise date for her. It was a super fun murder mystery dinner. I was looking good and there was an older lady at the table with her attractive mid 20s daughter and the older lady was flirting a little with me and the young attractive female was laughing at my jokes. Towards the end my wife stated ""i feel like youre not paying a lot of attention to me. Did i do something wrong? Is everything fine?"" I said ""its fine. Theresno problem. Im having a great time. Im feeling a little tired may e youre picking up on that"". And i attempted to give her more physical touching and talking. I thought this might have been a comfort test, but she did not respond to me swatting it. She began to get upset and disregard my explanations. She was just saying things like ""youll never change"" and ""you hate to see me having a great time"". Instead of spending more time downtown i went straight to the valet and told him get the car when the eben concluded. I began at this point being very cold to my wife. I was a bit butthurt that i wad basically killing it and she was latching onto something rediculous and being naggy and unappreciative. I went to sleep as soon as we got home as i began to realize i was starting to feel under the weather. I dreamt about filling out divorce papers This morning the fight continued. It was just about to start being a screaming match at home because she would just not stop now aggressively coming at me and now with stacks of mistepresented naratives of recent events, stacks of nagging complaints. I have a hard time still with my autonomous systems not taking over over long periods of fighting. Long story short im now driving 16 hours up the coast to visit my brother. We spoke on the phone and it was all yelling. I told her she has to start being honest about her behaviors and earnestly seeking compromises or the marriage is ove rug. She basically treated it like a bluff. I think it would be easier to start over. We have 3 amazi g kids i love. They are the reason i havent left yet.",,4,lasttuesdaystacos,2020-01-02 07:24:21 askMRP,ei1qyb,Wife of 6 months only just told me that she has debt,"It came up when we were arguing about when to try to have kids. (I want to start now, and she wants to wait til she's out of debt.) She just finished her studies and at some point during those studies (several years ago, before we were even engaged) she ran out of money and needed to get a loan. She hasn't said how much (I didn't ask), but that she can pay it off in 6 months with her new job, so potentially about 10-15k. I would have expected that to go into our joint bank account, and you know, towards a house or car or something unimportant like that. But now it will just be disappearing into thin air. It explains why she was always so reluctant about joining our finances. But we talked about that before and after getting married, and she never said a word about her debt, and even (reluctantly) accepted my offer of a card with access to my bank account after the wedding, and started using it. I don't have any debt. Funnily enough, she did loan me some money during my studies, because I had told her that I was running low and would need to get a loan, and she offered. I paid her back ASAP. So, I've been in exactly her situation, but I told her about it and even accepted help from her. So I don't really see any excuse for her behavior. She says she never told me because ""it's my matter, not yours"", and that she felt too ashamed to tell me. What would you do in this situation? We are devout Catholics, so divorce is not on the table, only annulment in which you have to justify that a legitimate marriage didn't happen. I just know that the fact that she did not communicate with me about such an important thing feels to me like deception. So now I feel that I can't trust her, or at least in her ability to communicate. What if something else happens that she's too ashamed to tell me? At the moment I don't even want to be around her. But she didn't seem to realize the importance of what she was telling me when she mentioned the debt. Or she was just downplaying it. I don't know. Am I making too big of a deal out of this? Edit: to be clear, we had agreed to join finances after the wedding. I brought this up and she said that she would pay the debt herself. I explained that if our finances were joined, then she is not earning money for herself, but for us. To which she had no response.",,6,DuffBude,2019-12-31 11:30:07 askMRP,ei5rpg,Dancing lessons - invite wife or not?," 46yo 6'0"" 190lbs \~24% BF. 120lb Sq 80 BP 90 BR 65 OHP 155 DL. Wife 45yo, married 21yrs, kids 16(m) 10(m) In my [OYS this week](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/ei069l/own_your_shit_weekly_december_31_2019/fcncnr5) I mention that one of my new ideas for expanding my social life *and* conquering an old stupid fear is to start learning how to dance. You can read my background/situation in my first OYS post which is linked in the above linked post. In short, I'm 5-6 weeks since swallowing the pill, my relationship with my wife is cordial on its best day, no sex in ages, and I'm committed to this process of self-improvement. However I'm wary of going off the deep end, and I don't want to miss opportunities to invest in restoring our relationship just to do some virtue signaling that hey-I'm-all-in-on-RP-fuck-everyone-else-always (MRP signaling? Alpha signaling?) I think it's possible to say I'm focused on myself but also invite her along for the ride on certain occasions. The reason I ask about this is because specifically it's dancing. If I go it alone I'll be partnered up with, and rubbing up against and holding and likely flirting with other women. I'm not inviting debate on the morality of that (there's a rule here about that, right?). But given these characteristics, there is a chance there could be some damage or at least setbacks in the relationship at the expense of the self-building. I think a win-win is possible but those who've gotten to know me know I'm still processing all this stuff consciously and I admit I don't know if I'm seeing this from all angles. The two workable approaches I see are: * Establish that this is something I am **going to do** regardless, and invite her along. Nowhere is permission/validation sought. * Proceed entirely on my own, and assume the benefits will come about consequentially the way they do with lifting and getting in better shape. Appreciate any alternative approaches, or general insight.",,1,DeadGreek,2019-12-31 17:20:23 askMRP,eia360,Should I go through with my divorce?,"Age: 28(m), 26F) Married: 1 year together 5 Height: 6', Weight: 175lbs Diet Mode: Keto, Low Carb SQUAT: 225lbs BENCH:140llbs, DEADLIFT: 245lbs, Lurker for about 3 years, was a fat pos with no MAP and needed to change. Read the side bar x2. Been with my wife for 5 years just got married a year ago. We bought a house together while engaged. Me and my wife met and we both gained weight after going official. I went up to 240 down to 175. She was 140 now up to 240. Still pulling the fucking rope but after being a drunk captain she's reluctant to hand over the wheel. Tired of fighting about it, tired of her fat lazy ass. Thinking about splitting. Any advice would be appreciated. Edit: no kids. Edit: divorce rape advise We both make the same amount of money and with my career I'll soon be making double in 4 more years with a great pension. She has no goals on her career other than having children, I'm suspecting a secret SAHM plan. We bought the house a year and a half ago when we were engaged. Also bought a commuter for me a year ago. All I want is my car the bed I bought before we were married and one of our dogs we got after marriage. The house is nice and we also have debt for the furniture. Individually we can barely afford the house and all the bills so I was thinking about telling her my bare minimum and giving her the house and shit. But then again the house is nice and I would love to bachelor pad this shit.",,0,[deleted],2019-12-31 22:46:36 askMRP,ehtxe4,I was caught,"Guys I've fucked up royally. I got drunk the last two nights and started texting the neighbor girl over IG. We sent messages about dreams, sex dreams, etc. It was inappropriate but nothing absolute and too out of pocket. Just stupid. Her husband sends the screenshots to my wife this morning while I'm on my way to run. I woke up to a message from the neighbor girl saying that she couldn't talk to me anymore and that her husband had read it and some of it was very inappropriate. I feel like a fuck. My wife and I finally addressed the elephant in the room. At first it was about the messages. How I've lied about the neighbor being attractive. Then she started crying and saying it was all her fault and expected it to happen eventually because she has no sex drive. I owned all of it, apologized for how she feels, for making the mistake etc. I asked her what she wanted to do? ""I dont know, you tell me, you're the one with the options"" (we have 2 boys and one on the way) We eventually talked it out. There's a looming depression in the air. Minimum talking. I've probably blown it up. I've had every emotion imaginable go through me today. I'm trying to hold it together. Sucking on a gun even passed through my mind a few times. Not from losing her. I can't lose my boys. I know I'll have to make preparations no matter what happens. So far, we have agreed to not split up. (We will see) I guess I'm just typing this out. Someone on here has fucked up like this. I just need guidance.",,13,Stallion--Duck,2019-12-30 23:15:00 askMRP,ehmxs4,How Do You Guys Even Trust Your Girl?,"I started reading the Red Pill side bar again a few weeks ago. After reading almost everything there, I wonder how do you guys even trust your girl isn't gonna cheat on you for a guy with higher SMV even if you're doing everything possible to up your own? I know I should NGAF but at the same time I think I'll feel betrayed if I trust my girlfriend and then she does something to betray that trust. How do you deal with that feeling? Sounds like I have no balls, I know, but I'm just genuinely asking a question about trust here.",,22,AttractiveMofo,2019-12-30 14:51:55 askMRP,ehlew6,Caught volition spouse lying - possible infidelity,"Squat 265 lbs Bench 185 lbs Deadlift 335 lbs BF 25% - still fat, weight’s coming down weekly. Wife is a volatile pothead. She’s becoming increasingly unstable and is difficult to predict. She admits to having some sort of disorder but self medicates with weed she buys off of her half brother (whose related to her by her mothers affair). She has the pothead “smarter than thou” persona and assumes everyone is beneath her and is extremely short tempered. I would have thrown her in the trash heap, but I have a 15 month old with her. I’m a Canadian currently on visitor visa here in the USA and don’t want to leave my baby girl with her as I know she’ll just dump her on her mom while she works and fucks off. I caught her lying about her outing on Saturday. She claimed she had a dead battery and asked me to leave her alone as it’s been the worst night ever. Fabricated elaborate story having one of her friend’s boyfriend’s front the bill as she had no money. Long story short, I investigated and I’m 100% it’s a lie. I didn’t call her out on lying, but her friends boyfriend is an acquaintance of mine and I texted him a thank you and offered to pay him back. He didn’t respond as he had no idea what I was talking about and contacted his girlfriend who in turn called my cunt-wife. She calls me in furious temper that I embarrassed her by discussing “money issues” with a friend. The only reason why I held off on calling her out is that she needs to sign my sponsorship documents for me to get my work permit and PR. I’m on parental leave (we get paid EI if we take time off to take care of a newborn) and she’s been declining on and off (pending on her mood swings) to sign them. I need those documents signed and I’m stuck. I’m staying cool, not engaging her and letting her blow up. Need advice",,10,Neilio_Heilio,2019-12-30 12:20:25 askMRP,ehimrf,She got invited out for coffee by an old guy friend,"I admit, I can be pretty jealous sometimes and I made the mistake of showing it early in our relationship before reading some redpill. LTR got a text today from an old work friend who basically told her that it's been a while since they talked, he's been divorced a while now, the ages of his kids, where he's living and that he'd like to meet her for coffee. I know this because she told me. She introduced it to me by saying that she felt worried when she read the email because I've been jealous in the past, and she texted him back that she could catch up by phone rather than meet in person. She wanted to run it past me and to see if I was comfortable with her meeting him for coffee. Before I replied she said that she wants to be in a relationship where she doesn't feel worried like that, and wants to have the freedom to have a coffee with an old friend - male or female. I asked her if she thinks he's interested in her, and I mentioned that I think he might be interested because he mentioned in his text that he's divorced. She asked me what she should do? She said that I can tag along with her. I don't want to babysit her and be the 3rd wheel, so I said no it's fine meet him if you'd like, but I have to admit it does bother me. She said okay, and that if he wants to meet her a second time afterwards that I'll come along with her. &#x200B; So yea, I probably lost my frame by mentioning that it bothered me. I think it's best to be decisive in these situations, either say no I don't date women who meet single men 1 on 1, or say sure go meet him for coffee. Either way, she's probably going to meet him now. How should I deal with this situation in the future? It obviously bothers me.",,10,payperclickwhy,2019-12-30 06:54:54 askMRP,ehc1t1,Moving out during a divorce,"My friend who has been divorce raped by a similar woman to mine and has strongly urged me to move out immediately. Either pay 3-5k in rent or pay 10-15k in lawyer fees. Lawyer said not to move out as STBX loses incentive to finalize the divorce. What are the pros and cons for moving out that I am not seeing? Pros - Mitigate divorce rape - Freedom to be a peacock and fly Cons - Low on cash. Need to take loan out against 401k if lawyer agrees with the strategy and can convince hers - Not a great usage of marital funds which aren't great as is. 20K in 401k and 40-60 in home equity. No debt but nothing in savings - STBX could drag things out while fucking another man in my bed in a house that I am paying for - New man to replace the selfish dad who abandoned his family - Lose little influence I have left over the kids - Courts might see it as me being a piece of shit if custody were to become an issue",,13,[deleted],2019-12-29 21:45:03 askMRP,eh2e1l,Fat versus muscle while bulking,"Finished first month of bulking. How do I know if I have gained muscle vs. Fat? Ran a few calculators and it isn't clear. I started at 152 and gained about 6 pounds, but 1.5 inches on belly across the navel. Did I need to record lean mass before starting? (I keep a spreadsheet so can go back and figure it out if needed). And any tips going forward? Plan is to bulk to 170 or 25% BF and then cut again but obviously I am not sure how to evaluate progress and this is first time doing a cycle. Edit with some pertinent stats: Navy method :23% BF 123.13 lean mass Jackson Pollock: 20.23 BF Chest is still bigger than waist: 39.5 inches around at nipples. Waist is 37. Can still see top two abs When I started belly was 40 and chest was non-existent (thankfully I took photos as a reminder.) Also I gained a lot of excess this week because of the holidays and eating too much. Overall I look better (couldn't look worse)have more muscle, still too fat etc. Going to cut calories down to about 2000 (slightly above TDEE ) stick with it for another month and then re-evaluate. Second edit: I am going to cut calories to below TDEE. Looking at Bulk or Cut Reddit it is clear to me now that I am too fat. Thanks bros for all the input. Going to get back down to 15% range and then re-evaluate.",,4,Vegasman20002,2019-12-29 05:56:52 askMRP,egva78,"Getting my shit together, but in need of some advice from the pros.","So I've been turning my life around thanks to discovering MRP, three months ago my wife told me she ""loved me but wasnt in love with me"" I moved back to my dads for a brief period while we were on a break (before I unplugged) then I decided that I should never have left in the first place and moved back in, she put up a mild protest, But I didnt back down and she came round almost immediately. Since coming back and implimenting what I've learned, (lifting, being more confident, gaming her daily, no longer having her be my mission) things have improved dramatically. But now that has presented a new problem, turns out I can't last in bed, I read somewhere that you shouldn't jack off before a date or before sex as it kills your game. But the last two times we've had sex I've bust a nut within the first few minutes, or the latest time during foreplay. Now I'm not asking for how to last longer, unless you guys have some secret that I've yet to learn. But I want to know how you guys would deal with the situation afterwards, obviously my wife was disappointed but i held my frame and tried not to give a fuck. That said I feel like I could have handled it better. Any advice is welcomed.",,9,[deleted],2019-12-28 19:52:34 askMRP,egjh76,Should I be worried?,"Long-time lurker. I'm MRP-aware. I stumbled into MRP five years ago when I linked from a dead bedrooms post I'd submitted; it was to a post in MRP. My eyes were opened and I knew I was on the right path. Four years ago things were going south again so I read another article and they got better. I was sure I'd found the right place. MRP builds men. Fast forward a year and my wife was being a total bitch. ""Do this, do that"" she'd say, ""take out the trash, and clean the floors."" When I asked for sex, she'd say ""no."" Two years ago I decided to get serious so I looked into nearby gyms. For the last year I've been focusing on how I can be a better husband. I'm still looking for the right place to lift, and I know I need a badass place rather than some dumbass newbie gym, lol. I'm in the mindset and it's so obvious I have the frame now. My SBV is a good 9 while hers isn't even that high. So one of my presents this year was so awesome - sex toys! It had never happened before. Some little thing I put on my thing and some stuff she wears and some anal stuff - like what that one crazy dude writes about here. It said, ""Let's have some sexy times, baby. You are the hot rod whose hot rod I dream of. I want it tonight, Frank."" But my name isn't frank. Should I be worried? She told me it was a simple mistake, that those gifts were from my sister who meant to put them in her husband's stocking. His name is Tom. I asked my sister. ""Fuck no, dumbass, your whore wife is fucking everyone in town, including Frank. Get your head out of your stupid ass."" But then again, her husband once said that ""she'll never like anyone I marry."" Plus, she's a dumbass and he's a tool, what do they know, lol. So, should I be worried? I've been MRP-aware for a while now, I""ve done all the work, and my STP is sky rocketing. She's a fucking stupid bitch anyway, she's probably just feeling insecure with all my changes. I'm a unicorn you know. But, should I be worried? **Edit: Give me some upvotes dicks. I'm pouring my heart out here. ** **Edit 2: All these years I thought the mods set the ""victim puke"" - holy hell! ** **Edit 3: My wife had been talking about an ""open marriage"" or that she was ""poly amorous"" for a while but I wasn't really paying attention. Since the week of 12/25 to 12/31 is generally my ""MRP week"" I searched it up. Fuck. She's serious about this shit. Goddamnit. Guys you gotta help me. What should I do? Does she need more comfort? ** **Edit 4: Fuck, the Google Slate sucks. ** **Edit 5: Are you fucking kidding me? She says she wants a girls night out on new years and I'm supposed to watch our kid... AND... I'm supposed to paint the basement... AND... she says I need to get a gym membership. Fucking reverse psychology bullshit, bitch. ** **Edit 6: Her father called me and left me a voicemail and said ""son-in-law, you're a sixth son to me, even if you're not the bread of my loins (WTF?). But, it's important you call me immediately. I undertand you two are struggling and it's best that I get this off my chest."" - What's that douchebag talking about? Any ideas? ** **Edit 7: Fuck al this Google Slate is irritating. Figure, the bitch gave it to me for Christmas. Whore. I'm gonna find some bitches and get laid. ** **Edit 8: tre7e bit3ch. ** **Edit 9: Bitches, ttis., tcucking, godtnmnit, bitcnnes, wore. ** **Edit 10: worweyroie Bitch weryweo Whore sdfoiwerhwew weioiwrhf Whiskey wroiuwjwe wer testosterone rowiwer werourur wouer wouerer pink dumbells twreooowht thoe thehy zumba ttjeuw iryoubswehe thow prostitute. ** **Edit 11: Theiiiswh fwwwh babysitter aweu weour seht smiled at me saswey whe imnlove. ** Edit 12: Damn, I fell asleep. My head is killing me. Christ, I drank too much. Hah. Fucking bitches. No better way to show 'em you don't give a damn than to drink yourself to death, lol. Fuck, I don't even know where my wife is. My father-in-law is bugging the shit out of me. Dick. Where are my kids? Babysitter's gone, too, said I ""reminded her of Jeffrey Dahmer,"" lol, whore. Fucking women, they're all the same.",,11,johneyapocalypse,2019-12-28 00:31:06 askMRP,egl392,I want to fuck her so now she doesn't want to fuck,"I want to fuck her so now she doesn't want to fuck That is my current dilemma, well part of it at least. I have had some libido issues but had still been initiating a few times a week. I initiated in the mornings with a 100% success rate, same thing for nights out. Weeks we didn't get out and do something as a couple I was likely 75% successful in the evening. Beyond that she has been consistently expressing to me how lucky she is to have me over the past few months. The last week and a half have been an entirely different story. I have been much more present, the way the holidays worked out this year I have almost not been out of the house at all except for work, and she has been home with the kids. So I get it there is no dread. The one night she fucked good was when our families were over and I hung out with my brother and all the boys... she said I was an ass then left scratch marks on my back later that night. It has been a total regression, she starts laying out her excuses for not having sex early in the day, has even mentioned she feels like she may be experiencing early menopause. that's some next level bullshit to me, if I want to spend my free time with my wife and kids for a week and this is what happens... I just don't get it. I may be missing some things and this is getting long, so key points from the last couple of weeks • I have been more present • My sex drive is recently improved • Wife has been off work, but also less productive around the house • Sex is getting taken off the table with even more extravagant excuses then when we had a deadbedroom. • There was a noticeably negative reaction to my new found healthy libido • Wife for the first time didn't say anything about me not having my wedding ring on (took it off past week for deads) •Yes I realize I am too much in her frame for some of this shit I understand how dread works, but should it mean I don't get fucked because I am more present for a short period of time? I took a break from the gym because I needed a deload, and was more available to the family because my kids were out of school. Is this how this shit works? Can the captain never coast for even a very short period of time?",,5,TRT_Maybe_Deca,2019-12-28 02:51:40 askMRP,eelcqt,Who are we measuring ourselves to?,"Dear wifefuckers, I feel the need of a live rolemodel. When I was working out by myself, I thought I'm a monster until I went to the gym. Even in the gym, my lifting progress profile seems good when measuring myself up to my past until I see the guy next to me warming up with my max weight. All the authors of our sidebar books and the good posts here, talk about their experience as something we should aim for. I'm in a spiritual retreat trip during Christmas. I listen to plenty of talks and I love how rolemodeling work. Even though some stories get out of context to fit some narratives, people do measure themselves up to these great (and ancient) figures. I also see how Red Pill Christians take Jesus as their role model, from their prospective, as an integrated man who builds society with utmost masculinity. But who do we measure ourselves to?",,8,mrpmonk,2019-12-23 14:37:03 askMRP,edqyfv,What was the best way to handle this?,"I've been at this MRP stuff for a month. I've devoured nearly everything on the sidebar. I've read WISNIFG twice, NMMNG, MMSLP, RM, MAP, Poon, and Pook. I'm working my way through the RP sidebar and am audiobooking WOTSM. On day 1 I went to the gym and started Stronglifts 5x5 and haven't missed a workout yet. So Lift/Sidebar/\[try to \]STFU. All this not to say ""Oh I totally GET IT"" but just to give some perspective that I have done some work before putting this out there. Married 21 yrs, 2 boys 16 and 10. This morning we had an encounter fairly typical of the shit that's been going on for over a decade and I need some help deconstructing it. Wife and 10yo were going to an event this morning and my son needed to get some gear together. My wife, who has been a little more pleasant since I started this journey, came out and asked if I could help my son with an unexpected problem he was having with his gear. They were trying to get out the door, she wasn't fully ready herself. I don't find she's much for shit tests, but I did a quick shit test check anyways. The information was new to me; she was occupied with things she couldn't drop; we were in a time-sensitive situation. It's something I would have voluntarily done regardless of her asking. So, to my mind not a shit test at all and just part of participating in a functioning household. I immediately went in and starting helping him with his problem. Here's where the classic pattern comes in. About 60 seconds after starting to work with him, with no problems, my wife stops her own prep to come in and insert herself into the situation. She is very controlling and believes that nobody can do anything as well as she can. This is her hallmark personality trait in all circles of her life, whether work or volunteering or church or especially at home. Now in the past, I'd have done one of two things. Either a) quietly endure the nonsense of 3 people working on a 2 person problem while she is now not readying herself; or b) show some butthurt and disengage. I ran through what I learned so far as best I could quickly. I felt that her inserting herself changed the whole scenario and that there was now no need for me to be there. In a sense, it was a retroactive shit test. I decided that neither of my usual responses was acceptable. It seemed doing ""a"", even though it was basically STFU, was then failing a shit test. So I decided to extract myself like ""b"" but to do so as neutrally and matter-of-factly as possible, and not demonstrate butthurt. So I said ""I see you guys have got this, then"" with an upbeat, not snarky tone, and left the room to return to what I had been doing. I was very careful to keep my behavior calm and avoid any impression of bitterness. And in truth, I wasn't: I just put my mindset into ""Is my son's need attended to? \[Yes\] And is this what I want to be doing? \[No\]"" So that's question 1 - what was the right approach here? I'm willing to accept that I botched this - I could use some outside perspective. Part 2 is a few minutes later, she came out and read me the riot act for, in her eyes, getting all butthurt and stomping off. She was just short of yelling and going on about ""unacceptable"" behavior, ""this is what cooperation is all about"" and other very critical commentary, saying it was just ""wrong"". I pulled out a little WISNIFG with ""I don't understand. Can you explain how what I did was wrong?"" but after getting hit with ""how can you not SEE what was wrong?"" I just STFU. My mind was burning to get into the old ""Why do you have to take control of fucking everything?"" but I didn't do it. Now our house is very small and arranged so you can literally hear everything anyone says, especially with raised voices. So a few minutes after that, I took her aside and said ""regardless of our positions on the events of a few minutes ago, DO NOT EVER criticize me or belittle me in front of my children again."" This belittling is something we have done to each other over the years. For my part I have stamped that out the last few months and definitely since putting together my MAP. But she doesn't know that and of course accused me of being a hypocrite while not acknowledging her own fault. I reiterated my position, ended the conversation, and they left for their event. So question 2 - Even though I can't see that it was wrong for me to make clear that her behavior was wrong, is there anything wrong with the way I handled it? Not looking for any validation here - I can handle the slings 'n' arrows. EDIT: typos",,20,DeadGreek,2019-12-21 15:11:10 askMRP,edd8sv,Making the most of noob gains,"Age: 49 Wife 49. Married 19 years this week, 2 kids 16 and 9. 5'7"" 156. Gained about 4 pounds since bulking started almost a month ago. 2400 calories per day and adding 100 as weight goes up per TDEE. Bench 140 lb5x5, CGBP 125 LB. military press 85. Barbell row 110lbs. Deadlift 180 (up 20 pounds since bulk) Squat 160 Barbell calf raises 115 pounds to start- working on balance. Lifting: 4 days per week. Day 1 5x5 Bench Press (alternate incline and flat) Squat Close Grip Bench calf raises Day 2: Seated overhead press Barbell row (or dumbbell) Deadlift Question: basically I am doing novice stronglifts program since I started in August. From what I have read seems like fewer sets/higher reps are optimal for building muscle. However I am still adding weight on stronglifts so not quite maxed out with it. I am not sure about adding weight to lifts versus increasing hypertrophy via reps. Trying to balance both while still a noob, current plan is : This week I increased reps to 5 sets x6 reps Next week 4x7 Week after 3x8. Essentially instead of adding pounds to the barbell I am adding reps this week then transition to fewer sets at higher reps, with adding more weight at 3x8 than I have right now at 5x6. Is that reasonable or stupid?",,6,Vegasman20002,2019-12-20 17:33:31 askMRP,ecdf96,What's the best book for building the Oak?,"Would like a text that focuses on being the quintessential Oak upon whom others can rely. That Jordan Peterson quote, about being the guy at the funeral of your father upon whom everyone else can rely, really resonates.",,13,Diamondbacking,2019-12-18 14:36:20 askMRP,ecb09n,Is Keto good for athletes?,"Not sure if this is the right place, but a lot of guys in TRP/MRP seem to swear by Keto. Bottom line: I play ice hockey twice a week in addition to lifting heavy three times a week. Normally I wouldn’t consider Keto BUT, I am trying to lose about 15 lbs of fat at the moment. I’ve heard Keto is great for fat loss but I’m concerned I’ll start lagging behind in hockey. Anyone with any experience in this?",,4,[deleted],2019-12-18 10:44:14 askMRP,ebw3nz,Skin Care,"Hello faggots. As I get older (36) I realize we need to take care of our faces as they take abuse. What do you older guys do for a skin care routine. All I ever have done is moisturize my face after I shower or shave with a beard oil/lotion. I started to notice dark circles and bags under my eyes. It seems most of the billion brands of skin care products are bullshit out there so I was wondering what you guys use that works. Obviously staying hydrated, getting adequate sleep and avoiding alcohol helps.",,10,WolfofAllStreetz,2019-12-17 13:56:56 askMRP,ec4yof,How to minimize risks of divorce?,"I'm trying to put together a list of how I can reduce risk (both the probability and impact) of getting a divorce. I'm afraid of getting divorced (despite being single without a girlfriend - weird I know). I'm told this subreddit has all the answers. What can be done? What can I add to this?!?: 1. get a prenup 2. Don't get married, don't accept long term commitments. (really??) 3. Be careful who I propose to, and be wiling to not marry - (""vet her well"") 4. get pre-marital counseling \--added-- 5. Don't be lazy (ie. be a man of value) 6. Set & stick with my boundaries 7. relationship management: be a man of value, marriage counseling, exercise, etc.",,0,Aspiring127,2019-12-18 00:44:01 askMRP,ebgh7h,Branch swing to low SMV Beta,"For those of you following my plight I have an update. You guys were right, there was definitely another man involved. I found out she's been sleeping with this dude for a few weeks but the emotionally attachment started months ago (before separation). What has my head spinning is this. He's a married older, fat, slob of a beta who has no money. I'd put her at a 6 or 7 and he's a 1 or 2. Apparently she likes him because he's extra nice, adores her, will put her kids first, will do anything she asks, and is fat so she doesn't have to feel insecure about being a little chubby. How does a branch swing to a lower SMV beta even occur? Needless to say I filed the divorce papers today. One last question, do I tell his wife and blow up his life too?",,15,[deleted],2019-12-16 15:23:35 askMRP,eact23,Wife spent $9k behind my back,"This evening my wife gave me a letter telling me she has spent $9k for an online class to help her communicate with me. I’m considering divorce. I was not considering divorce before I got the letter. We are far from poor but she has just completed a masters program that I paid for and only works part time. I work a lot. She’s not a good communicator. She did this behind my back. And took out a credit card just to do it. We have two small children. I’m very frugal and this is against what I stand for from the stand point of doing it behind my back and the cost. Thoughts? Update: Thanks for all your responses. I’m obviously ashamed she wasn’t able to speak with me about this before doing it and there is work to be done there. It’s also by most definitions a scam as it’s an 8 course with some follow up. She’s done a couple weeks and I do have to say I’m impressed by her expression of commitment to me, it’s something that I’ve always seen in her though. I’m not sure if we should call AMEX and dispute the transaction, any thoughts there would be appreciated. One thing that’s always bothered me in her and I relationship is that she feels she has to be the ‘safety net’ when I try take the family in certain direction. Little things like pushing nap time to big things like buying a farm and building a tiny house. She’s got a great family but mom is more the earner and she’s been with some leech guys. She really expressed how I’ve only shown her that I can be trusted and she does, but it’s a change of mindset for her. She offered unprompted to follow me on several things that I had been letting lie. Thanks again for everyone response and word of caution to other posters lots of comments are attacking and extrapolate far beyond reasonable, sometimes they hit truth sometimes they don’t read and make your own decisions just like everything in life.",,19,shouldidrawtheline,2019-12-14 00:50:10 askMRP,ea5hce,Asking for advice and another look at my situation,"Tried posting on MRP and was told this was a better place. —— EDIT for stats. 6’0 / 175# / 10% BF / 5x5 - 175 squat, 125 bench, 95 press, 200 Deadlift, 100 row (few months break on legs due to injury) Thank you all for the comments. Some of them were very helpful and hit hard. I’m working on responding and figuring out what to do next. —- Hey guys, I have been lurking MRP, TRP and MGTOW for about 2 years. I discovered MRP after dealing with a slow sex life and starfish/uninterest from the wife, which started after the birth of our 2nd child. I read as much as I could (MMSLP, NMMNG, RM, etc/forums), began lifting more and internalized all of the RP concepts. After about 6 months of lifting and taking care of my own shit, gaming, a some dread, things turned around. Sex picked up and she was following my lead at every step. We’ve (me-34/her-32)been married for about 6 years now and have 2 kids (2/4). Both of us work FT jobs at large companies. My job is much higher stress with a lot of travel and late nights working from home. My wife is very submissive and expects me to take on all of the decisions, which is where I failed when things started to slow down a couple of years ago. I’ve always taken the lead in the relationship (planning, making big decisions) but I needed to turn it up. Also, she has been in LTRs for most of her life. No indications that she goes out of her way to flirt, talk to guys, or try to make me jealous. Last week, I found text messages on her phone between her and a coworker, who works in another city. Apparently, they had been texting for about a month or so. It started casually then progressed into personal stuff. (Side note, my wife got some bad news around the same time about potentially not being able to have another kid/which we were talking about). Sometimes about work but other times about what they were doing (running errands) and everyday stuff. There was a lot of lovey dovey shit between them, such as ‘there is so much going on in our lives, I’m happy I can talk to you’. Guy seems like a fucking goober from texts/pics (has a wife and kid). At the end, they were planning on meeting up at a work event (daytime/weekend) where booze would be served. They arranged to go together and also commented about how ‘things could get interesting with us drinking together’. I don’t think anything went on before from the context, but they were planning on having something ‘accidentally’ happen from what I can tell. I confronted her right away. She started bawling, said that nothing happened and that it was so stupid. She said she was sorry. I was shocked and just asked why, to which she said ‘I think I was looking for attention, someone to talk to’ and ‘I think this baby thing really fucked me up’. I left the house and didn’t come back for several hours. Later that night I told her that if it weren’t for the kids, I would not have come back at all and it would be completely over between us (which is deadass true). I am now trying to figure things out. First, I am a good looking guy and would have options should I choose to pursue them. Also, I take care of the house, the kids, the money, the ‘dream’. Like wtf else can I do? Where did I slip? I spend a lot of time working (regular job and side business). I probably do not spend enough quality time with the family but always work and research in my ‘free’ time. I thought being at home in the same room was being there for my family. They should see how hard I’m working for them (realize the stupidity of the now). I stopped gaming my wife but saw her as a partner in all that we were going to accomplish over the next 5 years. Looking back, I see that she was not as into the planning or the grind it would take for both of us. I’m trying to figure out where I went wrong. Sex was good, with regular initiations on both sides. My SMV didn’t drop, my intensity and drive were the same, and I felt like I was GMOW with family right behind me. Should I have paid more attention to the wife with more beta cuddles and time-suck conversations? Probably more info I can add but see that this is really long. Just looking for another read as I’m so lost right now.",,7,lostcars112233,2019-12-13 15:36:17 askMRP,e9xpj9,Do MRP members advocate for decades long monogamous LTRs/Marriages or it just the case that everyone on here found TRP too late and were already trapped?,"Hi all. First time poster. ## Context I'm 24 and 3 years into an LTR. I can see married life laid out before me. We're looking at buying our first place and she's made it clear that she wants mariage and 2-3 kids with me. I'm someone who really values human relationships. I can't imagine any relationships being more meaningful than with a lifelong partner and the children that follow. But I'm also not filled with confidence that what I hope these relationships could be is even possible. I'm not sure if a woman will ever love me the way I want to be loved. I'm sure the novelty of being single again and sleeping with new and attractive women probably won't be particularly satisfying either... ## Question(s) 1) Do MRP members advocate for decades long monogamous LTRs/Marriages or it just the case that everyone on here found TRP too late and were already trapped? 2) Is my best option to just keep the relationship going but reduce the effort I put into it while I read and work my ass off in other areas of my life for the next 6-12 months and then re-evaluate? ###Update: Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to reply and is still engaging in conversation. There does seem to be a variety of opinions below. I'm currently travelling and lacking regular internet access but will continue to hop in and send comments as I can. A few things I'm seeing as constant: 1. Don't buy a house with someone you're not married to. 2. What she wants shouldn't be a factor at all in my decision. 3. If I want to have children this will be rewarding but also lots of hard work. 4. Ultimately it's a cost benefit analysis. Do I want the freedom and casual sex that goes with being single. Or do I want the ability to raise children in a stable environment with a woman that I know will grow older get stretch marks? Obviously this is a condensation and there's plenty more that I'm taking away from the discussion.",,22,Work_ln_Progress,2019-12-13 02:28:47 askMRP,e9f2zs,How Screwed am I? How to escape from hell?,"Throwaway for reasons. We've been married for 5 years. We have a kid. Wife is stay at home. I barely make enough to pay for the expensive rented apartment and the day to day stuff. Wife is constantly disrespecting and bullying me in front of the kid. This has been going on for years. I can't afford a lawyer or the alimony or be able to keep paying for this expensive apartment for the wife if I have to move and she keeps the apartment. For a while I've been putting up with the verbal abuse and I planned to move to a cheaper city so I could save a bit on the side and prepare for any fallout but wife doesn't want to move. Her reason, that she can't live alone with me as I'm a terrible person and she needs to stay close to her parents. Thats costing me an extra $600 in rent which I've been paying for nearly 2 years. What are my options? I'm studying on the side with my full time job but there isn't a chance of any income for a year or two. Love the kid to bits but they will grow up messed up with the mom shouting at the top of her lungs every few days. I just go out for an hour but I have to come back and suffer again since I work from home and my woke station is in the home office. When I lock the office door so I can work in peace she comes and kicks or punches on the door. Just so she can come in and verbally abuse me more. I can't do anything. I'm immigrant. She brought me here and constantly threatens to throw me out of the country. What should I do? I'm in the US.",,8,kundata,2019-12-11 23:21:39 askMRP,e9977t,LTR dreads herself about my sexual past,"6’ at 195; back squat 325x3x3 12/9/19. Bjj blue belt (currently practicing), judo black belt, dabbled in muay thai and jkd for about a year each. Read NMMNG, SGM, Models, book of pook, way of the superior man, 48 laws of power, TRM. Having some inner conflict about moving forward with Ltr and need some internet advice from random men to help me sort through it. Ltr for the most part is great. Submissive and more sex than I can handle. She is however high anxiety about my past and dreads herself. For example she thinks that she’s not the one for me or my type bc I have dated short brunettes and she’s got lighter hair and is about 5’7”. She tells me that she is bothered by negs I made at the beginning of the relationship or girls I dated before her and I ever dated (basically my sexual past). It’s been 2 years. When we last discussed this I asked her if she would be happy with someone else. She said yes, maybe bc when she’s not with me she’s dealing with all these negative thoughts but when we’re together she never thinks about this stuff (red flag??). Self-sabotage? she asking me to kill the puppy? I’ve tried providing extra comfort but it hasn’t helped so am at a loss. I think this stems from her sexual inexperience as I took her virginity 2.5 years ago (I’m 31 and she’s 26). I can empathize with her bc I felt the same way when I was w the oneitis who led me here (she was a ho and only my 4th). I also think she’s trapped in the Disney narrative for romantic relationships. It seems like the relationship is coming to a close if she can’t come to terms w the past. I would like to stay with her but I’m also cool being single. It is tiring dealing w the same issues over and over. Pretty much the only problem we have. She’s told me she’s tried all sorts of things to get over my past but to no help. I want a family at some point and I think she would be great as a partner and mother as our values align on most things. I’d appreciate any insight bc I can’t tell if I am lacking somewhere or there is a hole in my frame when dealing w this. I feel bad about the dread she’s dealing with?? Can I help her? Is her dreading herself a bad thing ? EDIT: Being able to talk through this and get an outside perspective from older and more experienced men has given me much insight. Thank you all and I appreciate the time you’ve taken to help me with this.",,20,Whotheprize,2019-12-11 16:23:14 askMRP,e8wfqv,Filing for divorce and the no contact rule,"My wife decided she wanted space and moved out (with her two kids) a little over two months ago. It was pretty rough emotionally but I'm making progress. We were still occasionally hanging out and hooking up until two weeks ago when she called it off 'permanently' in a BPD rage. (A message from a young/pretty female employee came in on my phone late at night and she saw it.) She demanded to see it and I refused out of principle. A week ago she sent me another ""we're over, file the papers"" nastygram because she found out I took a female friend dancing. I'll admit that I thought it was doing well that this kind of hit me hard. I broke down and sent her a love letter(email) this weekend and said I'm walking about, but if she ever wants to get together she should reach out. I plan to go no contact and never reach out to her again. If she wants me back she'll have to do the work and pursuing. I have a divorce lawyer retained and all the paperwork has been completed. I've been dragging on feet on filing while still holding on to hope because she has been going back and forth a lot. The question I have is, should I file the divorce papers? One concern is that divorce proceedings are very public in our state and we haven't told many friends, family, or my employees about it yet.",,0,[deleted],2019-12-10 20:46:36 askMRP,e8ey96,Caught STD. What to tell wife?,"Throwaway account, but lurked here for some time. You guys are the only community whose opinion I trust to ask this. 44M, married to 43F, two kids (8f, 10f) Bit of a dead bedroom. Following TRP guidelines, lifting, etc., for past 6-12 months.Dread level 3 or 4 (mini event last month where she said she was worried I'd leave). Anyway, impatient fuck that I am, couldn't wait for self improvement and increasing dread slowly. Instead saw a prostitute who gave me genital herpes via unprotected oral (moral: ALWAYS wrap it, lads...) Now, what to do with the wife? We don't use condoms, so if I say nothing she'll contract it eventually then shit will hit fan. Better to fess up now, I reckon, and save her the pain of infection. Any advice on how to break it to her? I know the stay plan is the go plan, and all that, and was (before this) mentally preparing myself for what divorce worst case might look like. But now it's potentially around the corner, and at her instigation, I'm shit scared. Made me realise that I really do love her, and my kids. Feel like shit. Life suddenly unraveling. Please help. #Update 1: Jan 2020 So, I'm the dumb fuck who posted the above a month ago (TL;DR, I caught an STD from a hooker), and I thought I'd stop by to give you guys an update and another laugh. Before that, some opening comments: To those who thought I was trolling: I really wish I were. But no; it was a real post. I'm usually an intelligent, sensible guy with a responsible job, but you wouldn't know it, would you? To those who merely mocked or laughed: yes, I know I fucked up. But before you laugh *too* hard, think about this: 70-90% of *ALL* women, not just hookers, have oral herpes. In theory, having oral herpes yourself prevents transmission to your dick, but, as I found out, theory isn't perfect. So if you EVER get a bare blowjob from anyone else, as I'm sure many of you have, you risk putting yourself in a similar position. To those who actually took my post seriously, and especially those who DM'd me with advice - thank you. I was in a pretty dark place for a few days, and you helped me, even if I didn't respond to your comments. You make this place worthwhile, and you're worth a thousand of the other sanctimonious fuckers around here. Thank you. So, what did I do? First, I got tested. PCR test said it was HSV1, which is a mercy; in theory, that should mean fewer recurrences compared with the other strain, HSV2, and a reduced risk of passing it back to the wife. (But then, as I say, if theory were correct, I probably shouldn't have got it in the first place.) [Anyway, Lesson 1 for me: Always wrap it...] Second, I spoke to my pastor. My mind was quite messed up for a few days, and I didn't feel like I had other male friends in whom I could confide. He helped me clarify my thoughts and realize that life would go on, whatever happened. [Lesson 2: I should take Athol Kay's points about male confidant's more seriously...] Third, I spoke to a divorce attorney. I was scared both by the fear of divorce and the prospect of not being in control of events. Having an initial phone call calmed me down and made me realize that, though I didn't want a divorce, it wouldn't be the end of the world and would still have access to my kids, etc. [Lesson 3: Facing my fears really is the best way to kill them...] Fourth, I told my wife: that I'd paid for a blowjob and contracted herpes as a result. She was not too impressed, obviously, but was surprisingly understanding - said that she had known something was wrong, but thought I was preparing to leave her, and was actually quite relieved that I wasn't about to do so. It didn't make for the best Christmas, obviously, but she made it clear that she wanted to stay, and wanted us both to work on our sex life so that I didn't feel the need to stray again. She also said that she was surprised that I had the balls - not only to pay for sex, but also to then tell her. Did I need to tell her? Perhaps not. The fact that it was HSV1 *could* conceivably have meant that I gave it to myself, or she to me, despite her not giving me a blowjob for nearly a year. However, on top of my feelings of guilt, I would have felt like an utterly cowardly shit if I had kept quiet and passed the STD to her, and she happened to be one of the small % that had particularly bad symptoms. I don't want to be that kind of man. As it is, she now knows there is a risk of transmission but has already instigated sex twice in the past week (which I realize may be more from lack of security than from genuine desire, and which most counselors would say is a bad idea right now, but whatever...) So, where do we go from here? I'm still trying to work that out. My relationship with my wife has obviously changed, though I don't think it's *entirely* for the worse. MRP is indeed RP on hard mode; I just lost a life, but haven't quite figured out where the respawn point is.",,33,RecoveringOxfordBlue,2019-12-09 19:49:13 askMRP,e8h8xv,Am i an idiot WTF is the sidebar I'm on mobile only,Fucking lead a dumbass to the sidebar on mobile.,,0,-TheFalcon-,2019-12-09 22:34:15 askMRP,e7uwur,Time and attention my only ammo,"Reference post: https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/cwm38o/comment/eyh1nrq?context=3 I believe it’s pretty fucking simple. Wife isn’t attracted. As you can see from a previous post it hasn’t always been this way since dropping the Red Pill. I hit the six month plateau and made the big mistake of making this about her and not me. And it came crashing down big time. Since then working hard with my frame and doing everything for me. Continue on my path of awesomeness and increase my SMV. Gaming women including a 24 HB 7-8. Not fucking them just increase abundance. Nothing I mean nothing changes with the wife. Read tremendous amounts of info on removing time and attention. The 2/3 rule is where it hit me. She never shows, or rarely, attention or non sexual affection. Btw, sex is there but borderline if not straight up “every wife is a rape victim” offers of starfish. At times I take it a caveman the shit out of her. She’s pissed I initiate and pissed after. It’s an absolute chore for her. Feels as though I’m literally at square one ie pre- red pill. I’ve seen some effectiveness of removing my attention and time. In fact I keep coming back to just speaking to her concerning logistics only. She wants my attention again she has to earn it. I am not going to keep trying game and smother her with attention to no avail. In fact the ass slaps and teasing now not only pisses her off, which I come off as DGAF, but it’s makes her angry not in a fun way. If that makes sense. My plan. Remove attention and time. Keep doing my hobbies, gym and friends and wait. What else can I do? TLDR: Went from 6mo of great red pill gains to at the 9 mo mark seriously stumped on removing time and attention or continue with the same red pill/ alpha qualities that got me to where I then crashed. I believe just need to be doing me and not give one fuck if she ever comes around. Puke over.",,18,Wagzdaddy,2019-12-08 15:23:54 askMRP,e866pk,"Resenting some physical characteristics in a plate before the upgrade, when to pull the trigger?","Obligatory stats: 29 5'6"" 133 BF16% Navy SQ 165 BP 110 Row 115 OHP 75 DL 180 You married guys sometimes post about how you start appreciate your wives in amazing ways after you develop and improve yourselves, like you never seen before. Here's an insecurity issue I have, in which I compare my plates to each other in the good parts and also the bad ones, in personality as well as physical qualities. I am a big believer in a man ability to mold his girl with his strong leadership and dedication to his mission, she will and should submit, unless he lost his sight to his big goals. But despite the morals being malleable to changes, physical characteristics are not. I find some more appealing than others and I never find my balance, and by lurking over r/ deadbedrooms, the magic fades in the bedroom despite the beauty being there. I'm talking about how fair her skin, voice tone, big her butt/boobs, or hair type. But I usually develop oneities, so I don't know better than to accept everything coming from her after 3-6 months. I know life is not meant to be perfect, but I'm sure there is a better way to look at life and choose what to give my fucks about. So far, I can't be yet assertive on my decision to compromise on specific qualities so I enjoy other qualities that please me. If my girl is submissive, feminine and fit and I get horny thinking of her tight pussy, will giving a fuck about her hair curls type get in the way of my happiness? How to calibrate my bar to accept a girl as she is to join my ride?",,0,mrpmonk,2019-12-09 06:24:51 askMRP,e7mi07,Wife asking for more kids,"Just had a question here, My wife keeps saying she wants another baby. I have two kids now (4 year old boy and 2 year old girl). I don’t want more kids. I’ve been better at setting boundaries lately and I’ve been maintaining my position of not wanting more kids. She asks me pretty much daily to have more kids. I used to say three kids is a good number but the two I have are already stressful enough for me and while I can handle it, I think having more just because SHE wants it is a good way to develop more resentment. I guess I could just say “No more kids, now stop asking me” but I don’t want her to feel like she can’t come to me for comfort or to talk. Am I doing anything that sounds wrong? Are there better ways to handle this? Thanks for the help",,6,FiendishFisherCat,2019-12-08 00:31:12 askMRP,e781nz,"""You had better do X or else I'll do Y""","Back in the day I was arrested for some petty theft. (I was an idiot 21 year old) I never have bothered to tell my wife what I stole as it is not important anymore. (Electronics, knives and other petty things.) Tonight, out of nowhere, she's on the bed and I am at her feet, she starts nudging me. ""What did you steal?"" I smirked. ""You're not supposed to keep secrets from your wife."" I'm not ashamed of it. But it just felt like a power game. Or a compliance test. I would have just told her had it not become a big deal. After ignoring her further while half smiling, she was smiling but had a bitchy tone. ""If you don't tell me, I'll go through your phone and reveal all your secrets."" I replied- ""go for it, you'll just find all my girlfriends."" In a sarcastic tone. I kept everything light hearted with some C&F The whe thing ended abruptly when one of my kids broke a glass ornament. What could I have done differently? Or did I handle it pretty decently?",,5,Stallion--Duck,2019-12-07 01:47:03 askMRP,e74n7c,Menopause and the red pill,"I'm 58, L8TR is post menopausal. Any of the older guys here have experience with how the red pill works in those relationships",,9,learning0007,2019-12-06 21:12:46 askMRP,e71655,Repost from marriedredpill: Wife doesn't seem to love me anymore. We have a 1yo child. Can it be repaired? Is it even worth repairing at this point?,"Following the suggestion of another redditor, who's advice I greatly appreciated, I'm reposting my desperate plea on this sub. So here's another ""woe is me"" sob story about a broken man. I'm sure some of the responses will be brutal, but here we go. Married for 7 years. Together for 10 years. 1 year old baby. We've always had a tumultuous relationship in which she has a short temper and exaggerates her outrage and I have to be the pacifist but sometimes lose my cool because of how extreme her mood swings can get. She seems to have some characteristics of borderline personality disorder, but thankfully not the full spectrum. Almost every argument leaves me on the receiving end. In some arguments, she's thrown things and broken stuff. Aside from all of this, it's somehow been a good relationship and she's actually a good person the rest of the time. Now this is where things get bad.... Once my wife got pregnant, we stopped having sex completely. In fact, no sexual activity at all. Some of this is explained by the fact that my wife is from Asia, and she's quite traditional in some ways. She's also a prude, so that is factored in as well. After the baby was born, my wife had some physical complications which required a few immediate medical procedures. It was very concerning but successful in the end. That left us a little worried and we decided to hold off on sex for a little while just to ease our minds. As the months passed and we were busy taking care of the baby, my wife told me that she had lost all physical desires. She didn't want sex, didn't want to kiss, hug, or hold hands. She asked if this was okay with me, and I said I can wait. I didn't want to make her feel guilty, even though she was causing this rift. We finally had sex after over a year and a half from the start of her pregnancy. Needless to say, it was less than stellar and she was relieved for it to be over. Since then, it's been zero activity or interest, and it's increasingly feeling like a loveless relationship. She doesn't want to initiate any physical contact with me. If I try to kiss her, she squirms away or gives me a dry peck. She's even asked me many times if we should just be friends (remember, she's Asian and very open and blunt with her thoughts; that doesn't make it right though). Nowadays, all she says to me are points of dictation and criticism. She never compliments me, no warmth or kindness to speak of. I am an eternally flawed man in her eyes, and my words cannot be given serious consideration by her. We're at the point where she will not respect me as a person, and I don't know how to fix that. And it's not like there's something exceptionally wrong with me. I still look young for my mid 30s, stay in shape, don't drink or smoke, no real vices to speak of, straight arrow, I have a decent job that pays the bills and puts food on the table, no debt, and I'm an overall nice person that's easy to get along with. Even my wife's friends say I'm a catch (and it annoys her to hear it). In the end, it just makes this whole thing all the more frustrating. So somebody please help out this fool. Is it her fault for treating me like shit? Am I an idiot for ending up with a browbeating shrew of a wife? Should I make it work? Should I make her make it work? Should I just fucking escape? I don't know....",,12,redpillthrowaway2115,2019-12-06 16:45:29 askMRP,e6ig19,"""You don't show me off enough online""","Things have been crazy busy lately. This past week it's gone alot like this- Get home from work, tidy the house (make the bed, load the dishwasher, etc.) Wrestle with my two boys, make dinner (if wife doesn't beat me to it), read to the kids before bed etc. Yesterday was no different. My first officer works part time so a few nights she gets home after me. Most weekdays, it's almost like we just greet in passing. She is pregnant and and has first trimester tiredness so her mood is always just blah. I'll make attempts to be fun or affectionate and get brushed off or lose to her phone. I started meeting cold and distant with cold and distant in return. Last night before bed, she apologized for the lack of quality time and hit me with ""do you still love me?"" I reply, ""yes ofcourse, *kiss on the forehead followed by ""only when you're not a brat""* then came hints that I don't post about her enough on social media and nobody even knows what she looks like blah blah blah. These moments happen about once or twice a month. Am I missing something? I mostly responded with intrigued gestures and no words.",,4,Stallion--Duck,2019-12-05 15:09:19 askMRP,e64x1y,Thanks for the wake up call,"27m 5'9"" 220lbs 30%BF 5x5 lifts Sorry couldnt recall the other required stats. First off my punctuation sucks so I'm not gonna go back and fix those as long as my words are used properly I think the message will get across fine. Just wanna say thanks for those who responded to my first post on here. I knew I would get alot of painful truths but it was worth it. I'd be lying if I said I'm magically red pilled like you all but I'm thankful for the side bar and resources. Ive been reading in my spare time whenever I can NMMNG and its a great read and big wake up call to who i was. Id be lying if i said i wasnt still devastated by my wife leaving me for another man but you know after reading this I do take ownership for my fuck ups and I see now that I was losing my manhood and sense of identity to be a ""good guy"" I am very guilty of submitting and just trying too hard to avoid conflict and i cause more lies than truths in order to please my wife. I wish I would have found you guys sooner or else I'd still be married. I cant change whats now but definitely own up to what i did wrong and move forward. As of lately when my wife does message me about things regarding the divorce or our kids I am more honest and speak my mind. Considering shes already screwing another guy and is jobless she asked me to take the kids overnight since I'm still at home so it could be more stable so I said fine. But also in relation to her being jobless she also asked if I could print her papers out needed for this job and maybe i should have to help her out being my kids mom but i had to be honest and say I'm sorry I cant do that anymore any extra help im giving you is just making me a doormat. She didnt take it too kindly but I said its the truth . shes gone through many jobs and I would always print things scan them and fax them so she thought this time would be no different. Also she got very heated with me when i typed a formal document to have her sign saying she agrees to let me take the kids in so I could have it in writing and she started saying I hate you and I'm trying to take the kids away and blew up and again just said im sorry you hate me I cant change or fix how you feel but I dont have hate for you and wish you well and ended the conversation. I hope this kind of honesty is the at least the direction i need to be in? It still sucks all in all but through this experience I am learning I am in control of my own choices and not everyone may like them but I cant run back and cowar my choices. I'll start trying to get the other books as well and do some more self discovery. Thanks",,21,Probles08,2019-12-04 20:03:36 askMRP,e65dwu,Her grooming,New here. Can you help me understand. My SO is not big on grooming her nether regions. She’s never shaved completely or waxed but does have a bikini trimmer she uses whenever she gets around to it. It just isn’t a priority to her even when she knows I don’t care for hairy thighs. Anyone have experience getting your SO to do something or does it just happen naturally when your SMV is high enough?,,5,Brave-Pirate,2019-12-04 20:33:22 askMRP,e5hl1w,Need Beta Advice,"My old ass goes to bed around 8pm unless it is a weekend and I am stimmed outta my mind with BP at 150/120. Fuck yeah. Last night one of my bros calls me and tells me that he just found out an old friend of our is currently transitioning from Male to Female. This is all old news to me, because I fuck trannies. Tren and shit. Its not gay if I top, all that mental masterbation. Anyway, Fitchick is laying in bed with me and I spend about 20 mins talking to my bro, tossing BS, all the stuff bros do. She was huffing and puffing, I honestly have no idea why. Didnt care. Once I was done talking, I told that whore Alexa to turn off the lights and I went to sleep. This morning around 3am, she rolls over and spoons me and starts rubbing me. Fucking bitch woke me up at 3am to fuck. So I tell her to get off me so I can sleep. This morning I am unable to workout in the AM. Have a client meeting on the other side of DFW and traffic is a bitch, so afternoon workout for me. She still goes. Get home this morning after her workout and unloads on me for her shitty sleep, shitty workout and the fact I denied her sex. I just looked at her, sipped my coffee and said ""I see."" So, my question is - is it still gay to fuck a tranny one he goes post-op, or is that basically Male on Female sex and thus I am not gay anymore?",,0,red-sfpplus,2019-12-03 14:07:14 askMRP,e4ki42,Help dealing with withdrawn checked-out and angry wife,"I got temp banned with a Rule 9 violation last week in OYS because I was whining about my wife moving back to the guest room again. I deserved it. I need help though. I feel like I'm not making progress here and looking for some insight. The pattern that keeps repeating is that I take steps to lead my own life and my family and she feels ""disrespected"" that I'm not consulting her on every decision anymore. Then at some point I do something at I want or say no to her about something, and that triggers her victim mentality, she gets angry, lashes out, and moves to guest room. We become roommates at that point and basically she goes to ""her room"" after dinner, I get the kids to bed and we basically avoid each other the rest of the night. If I try to approach her room she'll yell at me to leave claiming that it's her space. I reset every day, say good morning, sometimes make her a coffee or go for a hug. She ignores me and doesn't make eye contact. When I get home from work, I always greet everyone enthusiastically (which the kids love) and she doesn't even turn her head. I can feel the anger and resentment in the air. It sucks. After a few weeks of this she'll make some comment about how I don't even communicate with her anymore. That makes me chuckle because of course she's the one withdrawn in the guest room. And then fight begins where she screams at me that I'm punishing her, that everyone is trying to hurt her, she's holed up here to protect herself, that I don't respect her, that I'm not on her side, brings up shit from 9 years ago when I was very weak (yes mistakes were made). She says she doesn't like this new me, that I used to be nice and caring and now I'm selfish, and that whatever I'm doing is making things worse. The last couple cycles of this I try to provide comfort and end up caving to some of her demands to restore the peace. She comes back to the bedroom, we fuck once or twice, until the whole cycle repeats again after a few weeks of sexual denials and ramping up withdrawal of attention & dread. Please help me see what I'm doing wrong and how I can break out of this loop. Background: Married 10.5 years, 2 kids (7 and 3). Beta provider for all of our relationship until I had a crisis leading up to our 10 year anniversary and realized that I'm not getting what I want out of my relationship while her entitlement was soaring. Went rambo at the beginning, then retreated for a bit and things were better for a short time. Started lifting and exercising and am in best shape now since married. Took steps to build my own life outside of her -- bought a 2nd car so we each have independence, got an office so I'm out of the house every day, try to go to events and stuff after work when possible, pushing more of the kids/household duties on to her. My social life is lacking because I'm always working when not doing stuff with the kids/family.",,23,MightBeNiceGuy,2019-12-01 17:33:20 askMRP,e4tqm2,Asking for alpha advice,"Hey guys I know this is the place to hear it how it is from some alphas and I can deal with it but my situation is my wife who i have 2 kids with left me for another guy and I know shes full of shit on her excuses for leaving but basically its that she fell out of love with me and even though I was a guy who made all the changes to be better she couldnt bring herself to still love me. So me I'm a guy who likes to weight lift dabbles in martial arts and is a handy man so I'm not some pushover physically but emotionally I can be only to please. Well this guy is like the tattoo bad boy cholo type guy that isnt as muscular as me but hes got the tats and beard thing I dont have and shes into it and in a social aspect hes a downgrade makes less money than me has 2 kids of his own and such and clearly this wasnt the first part of him she went after but after sleeping with him she admitted his D**k was bigger so thats the only thing bothering me from this cause its not like were getting back together but hate knowing thr guy shes with now is bigger . And for the recore my size is avg about 5.5 so it worked for her before cause once it was up it never went back down . So yeah what say you guys?",,0,Probles08,2019-12-02 04:36:26 askMRP,e2yc72,Traveling GF.,"What's up guys. I feel like I will get slandered for this but I want to hear some real advice cause I feel this is the only place I can ask and get real advice that will get my teeth kicked in and stop acting like a beta. My girlfriend of 4 months went to the US for a week on Monday. She comes back next Monday. Good girl (I know, no unicorns, AWALT), has had only one relationship before me and had sex only with the guy she was in a relationship with (first time). She pushed for our relationship and she said she loves me first. Anyways, I feel like I'm 10X better than the guy she was with but I constantly think that she might cheat while she's in the US because we have a 6 hour difference because of the time zones and most of the time I don't know where she is and what she's doing because she's awake when I'm asleep. I don't show her this but I implied it a couple of times this week. I've become too anxious of this because I don't wanna get stabbed in the back but at the same time I know it's not a good mindset to have but I don't know how to get rid of it. Any advice? Any help? Thanks in advance.",,8,AttractiveMofo,2019-11-28 13:57:13 askMRP,e2oxbw,I (M31) cheated on unhappy wife (F30)," I used to love my wife or 6 years very much. She was my dream girl. But once we got married she changed. She became more serious, cared about dollars and cents, wants to have spreadsheets, savings 401k all the serious boring stuff. She was always unhappy and stressed out out. She would complain about how I didn’t make enough money, I wasn’t am ambitious and serious enough. She would always compare me to her best friends husband who is a small business owner and makes millions. My presents weren’t good enough for her, I was too unsophisticated etc. Her friends started having kids. I wanted to have kids too but she said we didn’t have enough money saved to think about it. We also lived in a dead bedroom. I was sick of watching porn. It wore me down. It destroyed my self esteem, A few months back I went out with my buddies and a girl started chatting me up, We exchanges numbers. We started texting and eventually met up for drinks, It felt so good to have a woman give me attention and show me that I am desirable. We had sex. After that I kept going out and was surprised at being successful with women. Needless to say I have been seeing multiple women over the past few months. I am now not in love with my wife. I know what it feels like to be desired and respected. I don’t want to go back to my old marriage. She knows something is up and all I can do is avoid her. I don’t even feel bad. How do I get out?",,8,cowboy344,2019-11-27 23:32:29 askMRP,e2g1uz,Weekly Workout Routine,"Stats: 6'4 235 (about 20% body fat) Started 5x5 two months ago with just the bar. Current lifts (all 5x5): Squat: 170 OH Press: 100 Deadlift: 225 Bench Press: 125 Barbell Row: 110 **Schedule** Monday - Squat, OH Press, Deadlift Tuesday Wednesday - Squat, Bench Press, Barbell Row Thursday Friday - Squat, OH Press, Deadlift Saturday Sunday - Squat, Bench Press, Barbell Row Following Week would have Monday off and start Tuesday with Squat, OH Press, and Deadlift. I've made excellent physical gains over the past 2 months. I'm stronger than I've ever been. **Question:** While I have lost a good amount of weight, about 30 pounds in the last 3 months I have noticed my cardio is still pretty bad. I get winded from a light jog or running up a few flights of stairs. I do have a spin bike (Pelaton equivalent made by Nordic track) I can use to start building cardio. Would it be wise for me to start adding a 30-45 minute spin on my off days? If not, is there another excise I could add?",,13,redirectedfs,2019-11-27 13:32:43 askMRP,e2bg4u,"Want to move back to my parents house with my wife, stuck due to mother and wife conflict","Long story short. I married 3 years ago and my wife and my mom doesn't go well with each other. They both are manipulative and conspire me against each other. My mother doesn't keep well, so is my father, they are in their 70's. My father is kinda passive and suffered from depression and anxiety (and other age related diseases) since I was a child, so my mother took care of all of us. Just after my marriage, my wife and my mother had lot of struggle, fights, verbal spats and what not, so I decided to move out. I rented a house in the same city, 30 minutes far from them. Since then both my wife and my mother started respecting me, taking care of me, luring me towards them. Now the thing is that, I am thinking of moving back with my wife to my parents house, because my parents are ill and they need some extra care. But again both my wife and my mother are creating issues, bringing up the past and all, and continuously arguing/fighting with me over the same. I also have one other sibling, a younger brother, he is also suffering from mental illness. He lives with my parents. On the other hand, my wife also have panic & anxiety attacks and she is also suffering from OCD. All in all I am stuck with completely dysfunctional people. About Me: I am 6 feet, good looking, gymming from past 2 years, I eat clean. I earn decent salary, have a good set of friends, a bit emotional though, still learning more about redpill.",,11,[deleted],2019-11-27 05:44:41 askMRP,e23bpx,"Is this a ""thing"" for body recomp?","I just changed from cut to bulk and while researching I saw one suggestion that you eat for bulk on lift days but eat for cut on rest days. That doesn't seem to make sense unless you lift at least 5 days a week but wondering if anyone has tried it. My bulk plan FWIW is to start with 2250 calories 40/30/30 carb/protein/fat. See where I am at in a month and then adjust up or down. Current stats 152lbs 18%BF MRP since August so been lifting and cutting since then (down from 165ish 28%BF. ) So if anyone has advice on this plan as well I will gladly take it. Lifts 160 deadlift and squat 5x5, overhead press 80lb 5x5 and 135 5x5 bench. So pretty weak.",,8,Vegasman20002,2019-11-26 19:48:39 askMRP,e1j5sq,Am I irredeemable?,"I was married to my wife for 25 years. We met at college. We were so in love. Our union was pleasant for the most part. One day, on a whim she expressed a desire to seperate. I made efforts to convince her to attend counselling. She wouldn't listen. I had to give in. We have a son who is in his mid 20s. There aren't very many people i can rely on. I've lost my family. I could've never imagined I'd be deserted by the woman I swore to spend my life with. It's unimaginable. I still am struggling to come to terms with reality. It's a pain unlike any other. My parents are old. They too are shock beyond words with this development. We've been lamenting our fate. Seperation has brought ignominy to me. People suspect I maltreated her. The truth is that there wasn't a day when I ill- treated her. I'm lonely and hopeless. I meet my son infrequently because he's busy in his life. Friends refuse to spend time with me because I'm unable to become the effervescent self I once was. Every night I lay on my bed,stare at the ceiling and wonder if death would be easier for me. But then it occurs to me that my parents need me. I haven't smiled for months now. I've become skeletal.",,27,Mensa51,2019-11-25 17:18:35 askMRP,dzyqnj,Not looking butt hurt when ignoring wife?,"Last night, my wife got some bad news that one of her friends was diagnosed with terminal cancer. There was a lot of consoling and comforting her and she went to bed fine. This morning, she was non-stop bitching at the kids and me. No problem. I didn’t let it affect me, STFU and ignored her before leaving for work and ignored her messages all day. After getting home from work, the bitching continued until another friend came over and the wife acts like nothing’s wrong. Again...STFU and go outside to cut grass. Coming in from mowing and the friend is leaving. When she does, my wife asks why I’m all pissed off? I told her that I didn’t like her attitude and that I didn’t want to be around it. Her reply was, “if you don’t want to take it, go find other options!” I laughed it off and sarcastically agreed. There were a few other comments like how i looked like an asshole in front of her friend, etc. My question is how not to look butt hurt when ignoring her shitty behaviour? I kept playing with the kids for the rest of the evening, just ignoring her and shutting up. Thanks in advance.",,24,sash_northpointe,2019-11-22 09:34:11 askMRP,dzrm5x,So this just happened...,"Things were finally starting to turn around. Family running smooth, I am doing well in the gym, wife has almost got the toddler weaned and hormones balanced which means aunt flow came back. 3 months later, in fact a week ago we went out for some drinks, nachos and cigars. Got home, had the indoor Olympics before sleep. She missed her monthly and the test came back positive today. A third baby... It's my fault for being irresponsible. I get it. But damn, now I feel like my life is on hault for another two years. The last baby really did a number on the marriage. He has not been a laid back kid at all. I'm just trying to get my thoughts out I guess. I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm not a bunch of kids in a minivan kind of guy. I feel guilty for the regret. I don't even know if my marriage can take another sexless, stressful hiatus so soon. But, I still have to own my shit.",,18,DeanMaverick13,2019-11-21 22:57:00 askMRP,dz7w8j,When A Request Becomes A Shit Test,"I noticed that my wife asks me for things a lot more than I ask her for things or favors. My question is at what point is what appears to be a reasonable request actually a shit test? Is this covered in a book in the side bar?",,17,jes484,2019-11-20 20:36:01 askMRP,dy29jg,Loose Skin from weight loss?,Has anyone here dealt with this? I have seen a lot of posts about dropping a ton of weight but nothing really addressing the skin. I’m approaching 50 pounds down and nothing stomach skin is pretty loose. I have about 30 left to drop and know it will be bad then. Has this affected SMV for anyone? How about at the beach? Just curious if anyone has any experience in this area.,,16,prematureredpill,2019-11-18 11:59:25 askMRP,dxoyue,Advice on creating a submissive wife in the bedroom,"Swallowed pill almost 2 years ago and it has been going well for the last six months. Sex about once a week and I am fine with that as we are super busy during the week with kids sports and activities (3 boys). Genuine desire to fuck me has returned and she now has orgasms from PIV sex which had never happened in all 15 years of our marriage. I have been working on getting her to be more submissive in the bedroom. Doing things like light spanking, grab and pulling her hair, fucking her face when she gjves me a bj, holding her down a bit when fucking her hard. I have also tied her up and blindfolded her as a natural progression. This is where I fuck up I think. I have invested in some toys (under bed restraints, blindfold,flogger, paddle, vibrator). It seems to really turn her on in the beginning but then she loses interest and wants untied or gets scared that I will do something to her she won’t like. I just can’t seem to get her to fully submit. She loved being blindfolded and restrained but I cant seem to keep that excitement going once she is in place. Any tips or strategies I should try to build up the anticipation and fantasy in her mind? To build up her trust?",,24,buckeyeboy1977,2019-11-17 16:53:43 askMRP,dxwv6f,Caught sexting what next,"Married and it's been great but I fucked up and started talking to a swingers wife who was pulling me in. Like a bitch I gave into temptation and started sexting her. My wife read it and confronted me this morning. Shes being distant and talking about how no guys can be trusted and how I dont love her. I really fucked up the trust and respect in our relationship and I need to know the RP way to try to damage control. I dont want to get into her frame, but I dont know if saying sorry and telling her I do love her and saying it was a mistake and just ow ing it would be best. Any advice?",,4,kendallb183,2019-11-18 02:32:02 askMRP,dw8313,A war within myself,"Married 10 years. Two young children; 6 and 8 boys. I lift and have been for over 20 years. Succesful career. Read sidebar in depth and going for seconds. Read many of the recommended books and some twice. For those who have read my previous posts: I have more consistency with my boys. I am leading much better, but their is always room for improvement. I am making solid decisions and bringing in wife on decisions that she should be a part of. Understanding shit tests better. Much better at STFU. Wife is slowly following my lead. Building a real frame and know I have a life long journey to improve it. Here is one of my several struggles: I am angry. I do not want to put sex on a pedestal. I stopped approaching my wife for sex. I am tired of starfish. I have started other activities to spend time in like jijitsu. But I get horny. In the past, when I couldn't take more, I take my wife and fuck her well. Still starfish and boring sex. Then a week to 10 days of nothing as if she does not want it. And yes, I know she does not desire me organically. I need to be more of a man to to create desire, but I also need to be more of a man for me. Then when she wants to fuck, she approaches me. I do not find her approaches sexy but used to still take her advances and have shitty sex. Then soon after I feel low and less of a man as I know the sex was low quality and it was just maintenance sex for her....humiliating. Now I do not want either. I refuse her once in awhile advances. I do not approach her. I keep busy. I know she is thinking I will break down and she will give me her pussy for shit sex and then her quota is met for another 10 days. Recently, after no sex for around two weeks, she approached me and I gently refused. She persisted in such an unattractive way and I held firm as I do not want to feel what I usually do afterwards. I did ask her if she gets tired of maintenance sex. She was clueless to what I meant and dropped it. In the end, I told her she had many ways to take herself and she told me she knows and masterbates. No issue here as this is nothing new and that is what we all do. But internally I want a wife that tells me about her masterbation time. I find it hott. She knows this but never shares this with me. Also, I have not masturbated in months. Guys, I am in a deep funk and know I am fucking up myself but cannot get my head around this. I am constantly flirting with other women, and mildly in front of wife. I get so many smiles now and they make my day. I enjoy random conversations with other women but never cross the line.",,13,1kdawg1,2019-11-14 11:09:43 askMRP,dual26,A kick in the ass to get going?!,"Long time (too long) lurking MRP, Red Pill, Marriedredpill, books, audiobooks etc.., however reading or listening without doing, not owning my shit. I need to get a kick to get into action. Reading all of the sidebars in a consuming way but not practicing, no applying is pointless. Cant kick me enough and have no male friend to ask for it. Even had a MAP in the past, had a lot of this is the turning point moments, had a lot of insights.. aha moment but nothing made me really owning my shit. Not lifting, too fat /25o lbs @ 6.2 / married / mid 50´s / 2Kids out of the house /too little to none sex, too much porn../ european / no male friends / to many brain farts (overanlytical) / a bit sperg many of it is not where I want it to be. Some is (actual some is only the income and money) Still I do not own my shit - wish I can so that change can take place. Vomit end. Thanks",,0,miguel45,2019-11-10 11:58:03 askMRP,dtmlzn,Shitty Comfort Test?,"Been getting a lot of ‘I feel like you don’t ever say I love you anymore’ and related statements from wife... ‘Do you love me more than anything?’ ‘Is our relationship your number one priority’ ‘I feel like I lost your trust’ Recovering faggot-beta-nice guy-etc., so fully realize I may have gone too far the other way and ended up in complete sperg territory as of late. Some anger/resentment is definitely still there. Fear of falling back into my old ways. Some lack of attraction on my part towards her since having my eyes opened a little. Recognize it’s completely my fault for letting things get here. Looking at other OYS and related posts a lot of this seems normal. Been mostly passing shit tests, failing a few of course - still learning. Recently started getting comfort tests and addressing with forehead kisses, aww babes, etc. Most go well. But I’ve also addressed this last round of ‘do you love me more than anything else’, ‘is our relationship your number one priority’ and related questions with STFU or avoiding it in general. Some jokes and hugs/kisses/ass-slaps were able to move past them early on. But she’s kept pressing and I’m not sure how to best deal with it. I get that she’s upset - feels loss of relationship power, general upset feeling that your significant other doesn’t love you like he “used” to, etc. All that makes total sense to me. But damn is it annoying to be pestered. I’m still here aren’t I?!? I’m not going crazy with dread, maybe level 4-5? She was pregnant shortly after I found all of this so I tried to take things slow minus a few Rambo hiccups. Things have evened out since. I don’t want to be unnecessarily mean and spergy to her face - “No you’re actually priority 7. Next question?” Even though I don’t really give a fuck, I realize some tact can’t hurt. I don’t want to lie either, I don’t like the idea of her thinking she is my main priority. True or not. And she isn’t, but this is a recent development over the past 8 months thanks to MRP. Which feels fucking refreshing as hell by the way... like I can finally focus on my life. She’s being really direct and overt about all of this. So not sure what to make of it. My thoughts are to just straight tell her no. Still love you, still committed to making this marriage work. But I am doing things that bring me value. I have other priorities. Etc. And then just deal with all the butthurt and whatever she’ll throw my way afterwards. She’s a big girl, she can probably handle it. But again, thinking there’s a better way to deal with it? Been reading some of Jacktens stuff, just having a hard time figuring out how to apply it. Appreciate any help, faggot-spewing as it will be. Truly can’t thank the big time MRP contributors and resources enough Stats 6’1”, 195lbs. Still bulking Weights below are three sets of five, except deadlift (one set of five). Been doing starting strength and now HLM since before I found MRP. Squat 340 Dead 355 Bench 230 Press 155 Weighted Chins 65 (done 90x3) Read all the big parts of the sidebar, working through Bang and Day Bang now.",,12,Reddreng,2019-11-08 22:01:40 askMRP,dt763d,Having issues dealing with anger.,"27 yrs old, 5’ 7”, 145lbs, BF% 17.25, BMI 22.7, Married 4 years, No kids Lifts: Squat - 155lb BP - 85lb BBR - 95lb OHP - 65lb Deadlift - 115lb Reading: NMMNG, working through sidebar. OYS: Currently on week #3. Sexlife - acceptable Last year I had some bad anger issues that were causing me quite a bit of trouble. I was regularly, almost routinely, getting into fits of road rage with people on a weekly basis. I had many opportunities where I could have got hurt, hurt someone else, and could have got my wife hurt as she was with me during some of my freak outs. I tried seeking out a psychologist and I did not like it. She put me on medication that made me feel different and unable to feel anything at all. I decided that I would just ""lift"" and get through this and it worked for a while. Fast forward another year and I'm back here, still up to my old tricks. Today, a truck with a trailer decided to cut me off and I almost wrecked my car. While I was talking to my wife on the phone, I immediately sped up to the driver of the truck, rolled down my window, and completely threw my frame out the fucking window. My ego was out of control and I just wanted to hurt this guy, which is quite a joke if you look at my stats. I thought that lifting, having lots of sex and going through all of this was going to help me lose that side of me. However, I realize that I have a serious problem and it is completely ego driven. I am just a very angry fucking dude and my fuse is a stub. I am currently going through therapy right now for depression. I am embarrassed that I am going to have to admit that I behaved this way to my therapist the next time I see them. Afterward I knew what I did was wrong and I feel guilty and ashamed that I allowed myself to stoop so low. I know most of you are not quite in the same situation as I am, but I am sure that some of you must get mad or angry for whatever reason. I don't know what to do about my behavior and I am mentally exhausted. I suppose I am at that point where I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. Does anyone have any advice on anger management?",,12,[deleted],2019-11-08 00:27:38 askMRP,drz3jw,What is your deepest purpose? Finding it hard to understand what this could be.,"Current OYS for reference... [https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/drwc5r/own\_your\_shit\_weekly\_november\_05\_2019/f6lhq9t?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/drwc5r/own_your_shit_weekly_november_05_2019/f6lhq9t?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x) Ive read through TWOTSM and found it hard to get my mind around everything he was saying in this book. I've started reading it again and got thinking more about what he's saying about ""deepest purpose"". It seems as though my mission isn't or can't be my deepest purpose. My mission is to be a great role model for my kids and grow them into proper masculine men that understand this world from an alpha perspective. I want to train them to become athletes, great at sports and able to lift like i do. I will become the most muscular i can, **naturally** (weight goal of 180lb lean). To become financially stable enough so that money isn't a ""problem"" or ""shackle"" anymore and develop my own company, either doing the type of work i do now or something related to health and fitness (developing ideas here). I want to create something in this world that has great influence over helping other people, whether that be through written communication, media production or general influence via one to one training (I get a lot of joy from passing on knowledge and seeing someone grow into something they wouldn't have been without my influence). These are all long term goals, or ""my mission"" in life. But are they a deepest purpose... i don't think so. &#x200B; I wanted to see what you guys thought about this and if you have a deepest purpose in life that's actually different from your mission?",,17,mrbadassmotherfucker,2019-11-05 13:25:08 askMRP,drj5od,My Lack of Ambition: Can I make this attractive?,"Made account special for posting here. Late 30s. Two step kids. T-levels normal. I've been practicing RP for many years. Sucked at it for most. Posted a few times and got righteously massacred. Finally getting my shit straight. Frame is up and running but not perfect. Body looking better but not mind-blowing. She is responding well to the changes. I can see the fruits of my labor every time I make an improvement. Good stuff. My question: I think I might be a low-ambition guy. Not lazy, but just satisfied to do my work, hobbies, and repeat. Is that a valid thing to be? Can a man pull off this lifestyle with a definitely high-maintanance 7 / 8 hotness woman? More detail: [I'm not lazy. The things I do, I do a good job at.] I'm an art guy. But my stuff doesn't sell. I tried aggressively most of my life to monetize my talents, but it never took. Could be my own lack of marketing vigor, or just a bad hand, or both. Either way, I've come to accept that I love making my art even if it will never sell. Yes I have the talent to make more marketable art that might sell, and I have some in the works, but the spirit doesn't move me to work on that stuff much. The wife has openly expressed frustrations with this stuff. We are both ideologically, politically pro-family. She is s SAHM. I could probably get her more on board if I could give her a baby. I had the surgery this year to make that possible, an incredibly expensive ordeal, and after all of it, it may have failed. Still not sure, but looks bleak. This further demoralizes her, and I'm sure she thinks she's attractive enough to go land a fertile guy while she still has eggs. My job is only good enough to pay the bills. I'd have to retrain and change careers if I want better. But I'm comfortable. Not really keen on spending the time and money to go to tradeschool at nights. I've thought about starting a business, but it doesn't really click and I lose interest. This is another area she has expressed frustration with. Her needs seemed to be more simple years ago, but now I see her longing for more material possessions and pining over shit in magazines designed to make women jealous. Of course, she is no better than me, and not a very motivated SAHM, and just gets by. I'm pretty sure she resents the traditional direction I took the family in, even though it's inline with our rational side (hers being ephemeral I know.) It's been SO good for the kids. I'm very proud of how they are turning out. Except when she has random anger explosions at them, and I see the looks on their faces like they want to kill her. I think she fantasizes about breaking the family up, throwing the kids to the wind, so she can monkey branch to a guy with more resources so she can have the dream life. Lately I've noticed she's upped the crazy in what looks like an attempt to make me crack and give her an excuse to say she was once again abused or some shit.",,5,catbundle,2019-11-04 15:30:10 askMRP,dratda,Help me understand the compulsive cooking and cleaning...,"(40 years old, married 14 years, 4 kids) My wife, I think, really likes to cook and clean (don't ask me, I don't fucking get it) - I've asked for her the prepare less labor-intensive meals and I volunteered to hire a housecleaner (we do pretty well, I certainly can afford it) - and she gets really fuck-off defensive (""i'll work harder, I'll spend more time cleaning!""). She won't even let the kids wash/dry/iron their own clothes. Anyway this means every single weekend is spent either cleaning house OR watching the kids and keeping them occupied while my wife prepares anywhere from 2-6 meals, each of which takes from 2-5 hours each. I've spent years upon years doing this, and all of my weekends suck ass. So I'm done with it. So - last weekend, I woke up, ran 4 miles, took the kids to the museum, ran errands with them. The next day went on a 7 mile bike-ride. It was fucking glorious. I felt great, and Sunday night, told the Mrs. that we were going to pop a bottle of wine and knock boots. We did. I've decided: Okay - this works for me. I'll take care of bits of the home + childcare I deem relevant/important to me, and then focus on my health + strength. Every single day over the past week, she gets at least one nasty barb in, every single fucking day, about how much housework she's got to do and how exhausted she is over it and - when I approach her for sex - that's the reason she's not up for it. My strategy is STFU, don't take the bait, leave the bedroom - and go read. Anyway - this weekend, as my wife is going to be out running a church fundraiser - I'll be single-parenting the whole weekend. I decide to hit a similar routine, get up Saturday morning, run a 5k (end up 5th in my age group!) - get cleaned up, run 4 errands (including getting my wife's bike repaired) - then take the kids to a block party/community festival thing - get home, wrassle with the kids - and watch a movie with the older ones. Sunday (today), go to church, get home, take all of the Halloween decor down, vacuum the house, clean up the bedrooms, wash dishes with the kids, get the kids fed (took 15 minutes, not 4 hours) - take the fam out for a bike ride. I'm feeling good about myself (hey, was even able to do 5 pull-ups on the playground equipment, a first for me). The second she gets home, she starts sweeping the porch, and then she starts fussing that the bathrooms aren't clean and immediately demands the whole family start scrubbing toilets. I don't fucking get it, y'all. It feels like, no matter what, she throws herself into cooking and cleaning - and every single moment at home must be spent doing it. Even if the house is immaculate, she'll invent shit. Help me understand - what is driving this?",,16,RaymondCortazar,2019-11-04 02:08:09 askMRP,dqvd9r,Took my girl of 6 years on a date. Ended with her slamming the door in my face. I'm trying to soft next for at least a day. She is sitting in front of my house now.,"My girl is feeling down. Pick her up. Bring her to Starbucks. Take her out on a drive in the beautiful fall weather. Ride lasts for about two and 1/2 hours. Take her back to my place. Make a homemade recipe of beef pho. Asian soup dish. Basically cooked homemade for us. We are both doing a low-carb diet. And sticking to my morals I refuse to buy her anything that would break the diet. I am not going to enable her to eat whatever she wants. She wants to go to get donuts. I say I'm not going to buy them and she has to get up and get ready before I will if she wants me to take her. After a bit of that back and forth I hint at sex. She says you'll get what you want if I get what I want. I'm not trying to trade sex. we keep bantering about me taking her for donuts. She gets all pissy and acts like a child. Says she wants to leave. I put my next in action. I say okay emotionless, get up put my stuff on, and we walk out the door she is silent, get into the car she still silent oh, I drive her all the way home, when we get there I open my door and go around the car to meet her and walk her to the door. She gets up and fast walks to the door. I follow her to say good night before leaving. She unlock the door turns around and slams it in my face. I mutter under my breath good night. Get in my car, 30 seconds later she rushes out opens my door and tries to say sorry. I tell her no no slam it again. She gives me a look oh, and I say please close the door after a few times she does. I finish getting myself set up and leave to go on a drive. Just finished my 2-hour drive to calm myself down she called me 19 times while I was driving and then I put my phone into airplane mode. Before I got back to my house I realized that she's probably going to be waiting there for me. So I take my phone off of airplane mode. Drive past my house and sure as fuck she's there. I get calls from her girlfriend and her again. And now I'm posted up writing this post she still doesmtknow where i am. What the fuck should I do now? Was posted on MRP main and told to repost here. Update 1. 3 hours in im still getting calls shes probably still at my house. how long should i keep this up for? Update 2. she tried to google locate my phone. had to dust off and use airplane + no gps for a sec and reset my google account. now i know why passwords are important. Update 3. she left im going to sleep. i get the oak and rock shit now. thanks for the replies. Last update. Fuck all of you who assume i acted like a little bitch during this shit. it worked. it turned out exactly how i wanted it to. power is in my court. yall need to get off your pillars of my way or the highway. i used a mix of a soft next plus the tree and rock business (thanks for that advice) . got what i wanted from the situation and more. Just cause it works for you dont mean it'll work for everyone. Not going home meant to her i was gone. it doesnt matter what i was doing it only mattered what she thought.",,8,[deleted],2019-11-03 03:45:53 askMRP,dqs45x,A woman's goal,"Just scratching the surface of this community but wanted to throw something out there for discussion. So I've been scratching my head about something. It seems like the goal of women in a relationship is to get her guy to commit, which is totally understandable. What I don't understand is if that's the case, why does she resort to desexualizing the relationship when it would be much easier to just give in to a man's needs and provide a constant stream of sex? Here are my thoughts: From the very moment a woman decides she wants a man to commit, it's her goal to desexualize him to make him worthless on the sexual marketplace. This relieves competition anxiety and ensures that the man forgets how much value he has to other women. If she keeps him low confidence and he gives into her, then she can worry less about him getting picked off by another woman. What they don't realize in doing this, is that they're taking away the very essence of what makes a man attractive, and it eventually ends up backfiring. But then, a woman can put up with a lot to have a sense of security, as can a man.",,11,readypillred,2019-11-02 23:10:47 askMRP,dqsx7w,"Is wife using baby as leverage, or should I just STFU and ride out the storm?","My wife and I are in our 30th. Had our first kid 6 months ago. Been married for a couple of years , and dated for a few years before getting married. Before I met her, I've been intentionally single for a long while. Been actively into pickup, and quite successful at that. Had a fun social life, bunch of friends (male and female), was working full-time, doing grad-school part time. Getting into an LTR was a conscious choice for me. When we were dating, and then got married - little changed in my life-style. Still lots of partying, traveling, hanging out with friends etc. She was a good gf, and a good wife. Sex was good, 2-3 time per week on avg. My sex drive has always been higher than hers though. We had arguments here and there, but I could tell that she didn't want to lose me over some stupid shit, so we were always able to patch things up. We kept our finances more or less separate for as long as it made sense. Signed a prenup before getting married. Things began to change when she got pregnant. I noticed that she was ready to take fights further, and now it was more up to me to contain them. She has this thing: when she is pissed she likes to make it seem like she is leaving while refusing to tell me where she is going or when she will be back. When it was just the 2 of us - I didn't give a shit and never chased her. She would always be back within an hour. But then she tried to pull that stunt when she was pregnant, and I was really worried about her and the baby. I think this was the moment when she realized that she has leverage. After the baby was born we had a few months of chaos, but we got though it. Fast forward to now: she works a few hours from home. We have one of her parents with us all the time helping out. I work full time. Make good money. Work out every day (get up super early for that so my work outs are not preventing me from helping with the kid). Own my shit around the house: whenever I am not at work - I am helping with the baby. If I see something that need getting done (laundry, dishes, things being broken, groceries, errands, etc) - I get it done. My wife is being a good mom. But I feel like she has not been a good wife lately. Sex is not a priority. Couple of quickies per month. I keep it cool when she rejects me and usually just laugh it off - never anything pissy or aggressive. If before she did things for me, now she rarely does anything. And I am talking about small things that a good wife should do: making sure there is food in the house, desire for intimacy, keeping home cozy, etc. Also, a few of our arguments have gone pretty far. ""Divorce"" was thrown around a few times. She also has gotten quite bossy and rude to me and her own parents when we are helping her with the kid and doing something not to her liking. She is very particular about all the things related to baby and gets irritated real fast when somebody isn't doing things her way. I can tell that baby occupies 95% of her mind, and feel like our marriage is becoming a sideshow. I also understand that women go through a lot during pregnancy, and child birth, and first few months are not a walk in a park either. So I tend to give her a benefit of a doubt hoping that it will all pass, and if I own my shit, STFU, and hold my frame - things will get better. But what if I am in unchartered waters here? What if baby IS a leverage that she didn't have before, and all the shitty tendencies that were controlled by me not giving a fuck in the past, are coming out now? What do you guys think?",,5,mrpillager,2019-11-03 00:14:27 askMRP,dp04hp,How do things change with a third baby?,Been thinking of growing the family. Wife wants to. Curious if anyone who has 3+ kids has any insights and tips on how things change and with your kids and wife when your family grows to three kids. Current kids are ages 6 and 3.,,19,pursuing_the_ideal,2019-10-30 01:50:28 askMRP,dnkya2,Looks like I'm getting divorced,"Looks like I’m getting divorced. The shit hit the fan this morning. My wife suspects cheating, and left the house and hasn't come back (unusual for her). This is a new account so I can't post yet in OYS on MRP. If this isn't appropriate for this, mods let me know and I'll repost in OYS. Mission:  To continue to help the sick the best way I can.  To provide my children with a positive role model.  To be a source of strength, for myself, and for others.        Age 56.  Height 6’0”.  Weight 175 lbs.  Lifts: BP 225x8, DL (Hex bar) 345x2, Squat 265x5.  Soon to be ex-wife 57 years old 5’0” 100 lbs. Married 29 years. Reading: NMMNG, WISNIFG, SGM, MMSLP Family: Two young adult daughters, both are finished with college and are doing well in good careers.  I am very close with both, as is my STBX. Social/Hobbies: I’m a golfer - I belong to a club and have a regular weekly golf game.  I’m part of a larger group of guys and play in club tournaments occasionally.  These guys though, are strictly golf friends. I don’t see them socially off the course.  I neglected my social life for many many years, as I made the mistake of giving it up to give all to my family.  I guess my kids benefited, but I see now that this was a big mistake. They would have been fine anyway, and I would have been much better off in the long run, if I actually had a social life away from my family when I was in my 30’s and 40’s.  I’m doing better with it now (I started with the golf group just a couple of years ago), but I feel like I still have a long way to go here. I don’t have anybody I can call to go out for a drink or dinner, and I’m going to have to change that. Career/Finances: I am a physician, and I’m in a good practice.  I’ve been the sole breadwinner for my entire marriage, even in the seven years after we were married, but before kids (looking back, this is a red flag).  I started with zero after medical school, and have handled all the finances, always. We are debt free, and I have accumulated enough assets that I could probably retire at age 60 (4 years from now) if I chose.  Well, that won’t be an option any more, after divorce, but I’ve come to accept that. My STBX has zero knowledge of money, saving, investing, etc. She shops, and I pay the bills. My fault for never putting a limit on this, although she was never abusive (compared to some women out there, I guess).   Relationship Married for 29 years.  My STBX is a stay at home mom, never working (for money) except for a 2 year period, when she worked part time.  She did tons of volunteer work as the kids were growing up. She developed a chronic illness about 11 years ago. It’s in the same category (to me) as fibromyalgia, Epstein Barr, and Chronic Fatigue syndrome - she has multiple debilitating symptoms, but there is no measurable disease.  All blood work and scans are always normal. She has spent tens of thousands of dollars on non-conventional “treatments” to try and get better, without much success.   Sex Zero.  None. For 11+ years.  Part of the time I had low testosterone (I was tested, but stupidly declined to treat), so the lack of sex didn’t seem as bad as it really was.  When I finally decided to get treated, about 5 years ago, my libido came back, and the lack of sex became a huge issue.   I held out hope that things would get better, but I didn’t have a plan (not aware of MRP).  There were some discussions, which of course, led nowhere. The final discussion ended with her saying, “I guess I just shut that part of myself off”.  Onset of menopause probably didn’t help much. I should have left years ago.  I know it. I didn’t have the guts.  I was afraid of being lonely. We got along well in every other way.  I felt guilt, because I was abandoning a sick person.   I then broke with my lifelong values (honesty), and started cheating.  In the last year, I’ve banged nine different women, most from online dating sites.  I have a woman that I’ve been seeing regularly for the past 2 months. She just became suspicious this week (no hard proof), and immediately moved into the guest room.  It’s fine with me, because this just can’t go on like this. I hate sneaking around. I should have just left, instead of cheating. But what’s done is done. I have to figure out a way forward. I alternate between feeling fine, and planning what to do next week to move forward with a divorce, and sick to my stomach, because I’m losing someone who is like a sister (not a wife) to me, and I did it in a shitty way. I would appreciate any insight you guys have.  I don’t have a lot of people I can talk to about this, which is partly why I’m here. Edited to add readings.",,33,[deleted],2019-10-26 22:37:07 askMRP,dniexn,Failed comfort test?,"Wife said she wanted to update resume and leave current job for different career and huge pay cut. I asked if that is what she really wants. Flipped out on me and said I’m not being supportive of her. Thoughts? I feel like her insecurities are playing into this of not being able to provide for our family.",,6,cheechmo,2019-10-26 19:20:44 askMRP,dn4q83,Keto / Diet question...,"Not sure if this belongs on MRP but I'm in an LTR and I'm doing this to become a better me and more credible leader (why should my LTR trust / follow a man who doesn't have control over even his own weight?), so I'll give it a shot. For a while, I was sloppy about my eating and it resulted in me ending up 10 kilos overweight and (obviously) I'm not happy with it. To fix it, I've been doing a keto diet for about a month which stabilized my weight (I was slowly gaining before, about 1 kilo per 2 months), then 10 days ago I started a strict keto (basically 1 bowl of tomatoes and cucumbers with oil and salt + 1 - 2 bananas per day) diet that ended yesterday. Here's the problem. I've lost 3 kilos so far (great) but as the diet progressed I got more and more dizzy, to the point where I can't focus on anything, and I did a routine 15 minute (3 km) run yesterday after which I had to lay down as I was on the verge of passing out and it took an hour for that feeling to go away. I'm also getting mild chest pains during the dizziness episodes. I know many people have done strict diets and been fine, so there must be something I'm missing. The only supplement I'm taking is multivitamins. I regulate my water to make sure I am always hydrated. Today the diet ended, and I ate a normal amount of calories with a diverse selection of things, but still strictly keto. Within a few hours of going this, my dizziness mostly cleared up, so I'm pretty sure it's an unbalance in my strict diet of something. I've had my heart checked thoroughly recently and was told it was in A+ condition, and all my levels (cholesterol, etc) are within healthy levels. I'm 35 years old. I would like to do another 10 day round of the strict diet after about a week of the less restrictive diet, and keep this up until I hit my target weight. However, I'm concerned about the dizziness. Also, on exercise, I'm only doing routine runs (3 km loop) and a small number of pull ups, both because I don't want to overexert during a strict diet and (sorry lifting bros) both me and my LTR like a light muscular but lean physique. My body responds extremely quickly to weight exercises and any serious lifting will make me look like some kind of wanna-be Arnold Schwarzenegger which is *not* the look I'm going for. Anyways, anyone have experience with this kind of diet, and anyone have this kind of problem? What do you suggest / recommend in terms of nutrition? Anything that jumps out about how I'm dieting that's a health-problem red flag that I should change? Thanks!",,6,escapethesolarsystem,2019-10-25 22:13:39 askMRP,dmgm9o,Any experience with therapy?,"Anyone here want to weigh in on going to therapy just for general head check, reset, help with frame? I have an appointment today. I don’t have any chronic mental health issues but would like some expert opinion on building my sense of self.",,3,that2didpass,2019-10-24 13:45:05 askMRP,dm8odj,"Shitty day, shitty question","I feel dumb even asking something so basic Last couple weeks I had been getting a lot done around the house. Not because of any covert contract or dancing monkey. I've just established routines and trying to build good habits. Been leading the kids in healthy habits. Doing exercises and tracking their progress etc. we've made it into a game. It's fun and I don't push them. Today I was just off. Work was a hard day. I just need to catch up on some sleep really. So I didn't get anything done around the house. Left dishes etc. Wife works weekends and one day through the week. This happened to be her work day. On the days she works she acts like I didn't work that day and I should have been cleaning the house all day or something. She always comes home very entitled. Even said one time she expects a clean house when she comes home from work. Even though I felt bad I decided to prioritize the kids over cleaning. I ran with the kids. Had them do their other exercises. Played chess with the two boys. She gets home and the questions start ""did you do this?"" ""What about that?"" I just say no and STFU not because I'm trying to STFU but because I'm just too tired to engage. Her mom cooked dinner so she says ""well at least mom cooked dinner."" Questions continue ""did you do this?"" I Say no that I'm feeling bad today. This interaction solidifies the idea that AWALT and they don't care who you are but what you provide for them. This was one of my off days. A day where I wasn't being attractive. Do I get a break? Of course not. Should I expect one? No. I'm putting the kids to bed now and afterwards I'll be leaving to the man cave. I'm not interested in guilt trips and creating distance is my only appropriate response at this point. My question is, should I be like ""I didn't own my shit today. Being tired isn't an excuse. I need to man up."" Or should I do whatever the fuck I want. I felt bad so I gave myself an evening off and I don't feel bad about it. Im sure in the future I'll have off days. Do I just need to suck it up and own my shit? I mean, it would be nice to have a woman who actually gave a fuck about me and instead of giving me a hard time asked me how I was doing, if she could get me anything, hope you feel better etc. but that's not the sort of world we live in is it? That's the blue pill ideal. If I want someone to care about me like that I need to develop my male friends for that. As a leader/man of this ship I don't get off days.",,22,Iockpickinglawyer,2019-10-24 00:37:50 askMRP,dm236h,Filed for Divorce 6 Months Ago - Still in the process but feel weak mentally," 2 years, 1 son I filed for a divorce for what I think was a very valid reason. I found proof to think that my wife was planning to be or was VERY INTERESTED in becoming a sugar baby (prostitute). I found one profile with her picture and information on it. Her initial reaction to the divorce was to laugh and she said it was not a problem. After reading that I accused her on being a prostitute and was looking for full custody, she was upset of course. We were in the process of moving States. When we got to the new one, we lived separately and I kept my son. I had a feeling she would make a new profile here and so I created a fake one. I found her profile (with private pics only available after she agrees to show them). It was her... we started talking and agreed on $$$ for 2 weekly encounters and gave her an address to meet up. It was the same day/time she was supposed to see our son. She cancelled on our son and then I cancelled on our fake meeting. Moved it to that same weekend. I saw her driving to the address I gave her and ended the convo with ""get life a you !@#%"". She then sent me a text saying it was a prank and she knew it was me all along. However, there was NEVER an indication of this being a prank and she was NEVER acting in a joking manner. Sent selfies in the convo, made claims that she wasn't perfect and that she was down for most sexual things. I believe she stopped pursuing this and decided to actually work for a living. Waitressing, bar tending, etc. 5-6 months have passed by and I'm guessing she is realizing life as a single mom isn't that nice. She starts texting me and telling me how much she misses me and loves me. How we should get back together, etc. There is a lot more to it but those are the major facts. Since plenty of time has passed, I feel less hurt and don't give much importance to what she did. I feel more inclined to get back with her than to finish the divorce. Of course, this is dumb and I know I need to follow through. I am in an extremely promising situation in my life (career, school, still young- late 20s) and it would be dumb to consider getting back with her (divorce or no divorce) because we have a son together. WTF IS WRONG WITH ME? Why am I feeling this way? There MULTIPLE red flags with this girl. I have gone out and met other girls since this happened (slept with two, not dating any. No interest) but I don't care about them. Somehow, I'm rationalizing everyday about the possibility of getting back with her. I have done the reading. I have looked at the proof. Regardless of the decisions I made in the past, the things she has done since we separated are even too much to get back with her. Idk why I feel so weak mentally. Was expecting to get better and motivated with time but I guess seeing her everytime she picks my son affects me. I am working out- 2/3 days a week but with no motivation. Ask away.",,6,-xthrowawayx-,2019-10-23 16:52:56 askMRP,dm309c,Two Weeks,"It has been a little over two weeks since my wife moved out and I'm doing great. It's sad, it hurts, but I'm plowing through, moving forward and creating opportunities and abundance. My life feels like this song: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3yDP9MKVhZc](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3yDP9MKVhZc) ""Give me two weeks and you won't recognize her."" My plate is still fucking me like crazy but getting a little annoying. On my recent business trip I got a lot of attention from women and had a one night stand as well as setup a date with a semi-local girl. The one-nighter said she was 'drawn' to me. This shit really works. Ten months of reading and practicing is finally coming together but I know this is just the beginning. I also have a date setup with a hot 22 year old from an app. I bought a bad-ass motorcycle because I always wanted one. Meanwhile my wife has been extra cunty. Complaining she has no money. Interrogating me to see if I hooked up with people on my trip. One day saying she'll want to come back soon and the next saying file for divorce now. She wanted to come over this weekend and I did cave and let her. She fucked me like a pornstar and blew me multiple times in a night. Something like that hasn't happened in years. The question is, do I try to keep her around as a plate? I guess the purpose of this post is to tell people breaking up and getting divorced sucks but if you're in a bad situation the future will almost always be better. Especially if you apply the principles you learn here. In two weeks you'll start forgetting about her and start living a life of abundance and excellence.",,0,[deleted],2019-10-23 17:57:54 askMRP,dkq71u,I let my LTR show me her DM’s after she asked me about it. Does that show weakness on my part?,"When I upgraded her from plate to gf, there were still guys in her DM’s trying to hit on her, guys she has never slept with or even seen in person. She would tell me the messages the guy would send and she would tell them about me being her boyfriend blahblahblah. She even posts pics of me everywhere. Now every month usually has one DM from a guy. One month ago she got a DM from a guy and she told me to open it and reply. I just copied/ pasted what she said to the guy I just mentioned previously. He stopped instantly. Yesterday she kept asking me if I wanted to see messages if a guy is trying to hit on her, because she says she has nothing to hide. A guy DM’d her yesterday complimenting her instagram and she instantly went to “Complimenting my boyfriend?”. He tried to get her attention but to no avail for him, she just kept mentioning me. The few friends she has, her family, and people on social media have known for months that her and I are together. I don’t care if she shows me or not, I told her that I trusted she would do what’s right. I’m curious if you all think letting her show me DM’s when they pop up is a sign of weakness from my end, or maybe i’m just overthinking. Thanks a bunch.",,14,trpguy123,2019-10-20 21:29:40 askMRP,dki1zy,Value shit test?,"I was on a business trip this week and was catching up on some reading. Mainly I was reading WISNIFG and The Way of the Superior Man. But also some of MRP (like the recent post on Initiate Often, Confident Always). And it occurs to me I'm really failing big time on the initiating and gaming front. So I decide on my return I shall start to work on fixing it. Get home from the trip, and immediately picked up my game, kino, affection etc. Then went to play with the kids for a while, wrestling / boystrous games (I find these great to reset boundaries after my return from a trip... things usually slip on that front when I'm away). I put the kids to bed and then enjoy a glass of wine with the wife. She starts telling me how hard her week has been and how tired she is etc etc, so I turn on the comfort. I listen, sympathise, give affection, etc etc. Throw in a few anti-kid jokes ""little monsers"", ""don't worry, daddy's home"" kind of stuff. Past ~~beta me~~ more beta me would have dealt with this SO badly... embarrasingly so. I'd have presumed she was playing the ""I'm tired"" card to take sex off the table... so would have reacted with a comparison of how tough my trip was versus her week at home. I know, cringeworthy. Anyway, new me turns on comfort. After that the conversation moves on to more light hearted humor etc. A little later, she randomly brings up a camera I own. It happens to be in view of where we are sitting. She says ""You know what, that camera alone cost you more than my engagement ring"". She has brought up this many times, and previously I'd probably have sighed, got annoyed, tried to justify it ""I had more money when I bought the camera compared to when we got engaged"", or some complete bullshit like that. This night, I STFU to think. I'm not triggered this time, I just don't really have a response straight off the top of my head. While in STFU mode, she repeats it in a slightly different way, something like ""imagine that, more money on a camera than my engagment ring, I was robbed!"", just to make sure I heard I guess! But in my STFU mode I had thought to myself ""hey, I actually don't give a fuck. Regardless of the facts, it's my money, and if I want to spend it on a 3 grand stripper I fucking well will"". So I just glanced back, smiled cheekily, and nodded in agreement. Discussion over, I move the conversation on to something else. It seemed to work, she was horny as hell later and let's just say we had a good night (cause and effect?). Either way, feedback on if there's a better way to handle these ""value shit tests"", or even what type of shit test is this? I know this is meant to be the ""kinder"" zone of MRP, but please don't hold back.",,15,dolanthesemicolon,2019-10-20 10:44:43 askMRP,dkp6m7,Victim Puke 1st attempt,"I fucking hate how much work I've had to put in and still not get laid. I fucking work my goddamn ass off and I am just as alone as ever. That fucking bitch I dated in high school fucked me up. I was already a shy guy, but at least I wasn't a fucking dodgy shy guy. Why the fuck did it have to be her. Fucking whore. Fucking bitch. Anyway fuck the shit. I need to keep going thanks for the space to say that, I appreciate the pixels.",,0,Joshua_forever,2019-10-20 20:18:37 askMRP,dkcqjv,Social life question,"Basic question on Dread ~~level~~ week 8 Social life section 4 Hobbies My situation is very specific to my ""hobby"" but many of you guys may be able to relate. I have always had a hard time finding a group of guys that I would call ""my people"". I have had many friends through out the years, made some life long friends and I have been a part of many guys groups. I live deep in the Bible Belt and most people are very religious. I also grew up religious but mine started out as a love of truth and so it naturally grew out of common church beliefs. In college I met and remained friends with people of different professions like financial/wealth managers, software engineers, doctors. Even though they're educated they kept Sunday school beliefs like Noah had every species on the planet in a boat. I started listening to the likes of Sam Harris and Jordan Peterson. I consider myself a blend of those two individuals. Not exactly an atheist but definitely not evangelical. Overall I would describe my philosophy as a scientist. Maybe it's an odd hobby and that's my problem but I enjoy listening to physics podcasts by Brian Green or Sean Carroll. They often sell out shows and have millions of YouTube views so it's not exactly a small niche. I also enjoy listening to pretty much all of Joe Rogan's shows. His show is a great source to find new people to follow. And that's really a good description of what I enjoy doing. I follow people and listen to all of their talks until I fully understand their worldview. It's intellectually stimulating. The problem is, it's very difficult to find people in real life that's intellectually stimulating themselves. Not that everyone needs to be a physicist but they should be open minded enough to carry on a conversation about something new. Instead it appears everyone wants to be surrounded by people who are exactly the same, share the same beliefs and think the same way. And people get offended by anything that is different or new. It may be where I live. A deeply conservative and religious part of the US. Ideally I would like to have a group of guys who can wear worldviews like people wear clothes. **My question is where could I even find a group like that? Is that even possible or am I being unreasonable in wanting that?** My question is probably like someone asking how they can find a group of guys that all like dirt bike racing. I don't care for it but a friend of mine loves dirt bikes. He goes to road shows. Clearly a lot of people like dirt bikes because they fill a stadium. But to actually find a group of guys who all like dirt bikes is probably rare. But I guess the reason I feel like I have a big part of my life missing is because this is my religion. And there are no science churches. There's no family of people who love truth and embrace life for what it is. Instead everyone seems like brainwashed individuals with thin skin and no depth of soul.",,3,Iockpickinglawyer,2019-10-20 01:09:01 askMRP,dj1iel,"LTR insecure about me leaving, how to respond?","I plated this girl in the beginning of this year, made her my gf in May, and considered her (in my head) LTR material. We had sex often, and I always initiated. 1.5 months ago and before I would initiate by fingering, if she told me to stop i’d stop, if not, then try again later, if stop again, then I stop. If she likes it, then you know the rest. 1.5 months ago and present, I now tell her “lets have sex” or “it’d be great to eat you out now”. She told me she wants to have a marriage and kids, as is my goal, which is one of 6 reasons I upgraded her to gf/ ltr. She is scared I will leave, and I don’t say anything, just hug her. Recently i’ve been initiating less, I used to initiate every time we hung out, now every other time. She kisses me, holds me, tells me she misses and loves me every day we are apart, wants my attention like crazy, etc. but when I initiate she declines. A few months ago she said she has a low sex drive and is trying to fix it. We had sex 7 days ago. Before that, 12 days ago, we had sex two days in a row. I have no clue what i’m doing wrong as I am lifting and reading (WISNIFG, NMMNG). Is her declining sex often because of my present way of vocalizing me wanting to have sex? Should I just go for my old way and just finger her and find out? Thanks a bunch. I know this isn’t a marriage, but it’s nearing ltr. Once again, thanks a bunch.",,2,trpguy123,2019-10-17 04:53:50 askMRP,dipshk,"Suddenly, I'm not as interested in sex","Is this something men commonly go through while changing their mindset? A year ago I obsessed about sex all day long, it was my world, I'd do anything to negotiate desire. 6 months ago I genuinely started not having an emotional reaction to my fiancee turning me down for sex. Sex was wild and fairly frequent at this point. Now I find myself not feeling much of a sexual urge, for my fiancee or anyone for that matter. I'd rather rock climb, lift, read, or go on a hike. I'd like to keep initiating as forcefully/frequently as I had been, because I know the natural urge will come back in full force, and when it does I'd rather it not be a shocking change like it was the first time (even if it was a positive change). Is this just the way of life or is something out of whack?",,30,[deleted],2019-10-16 14:06:49 askMRP,dis00m,LTR wants to attend an event with a bunch of guys she has never met,"New here, and to reddit for that matter (created an account just for this post tbh though I have lurked a bit previously), but hopefully this is the right place for my question. To preface this, I will say that I have become redpill aware only a couple of months ago and it was brought to my attention somewhat unconventionally (my LTR of over a year who I live with was dropping buzzwords and a bit of searching on the internet brought me to the redpill and the MRP community which better aligns to my situation and views). Long story short, I am a complete noob. I am happy with my relationship in general, my LTR and I have regular sex, she is self-professed *submissive* (i.e. doesn’t like being the one to control finances, likes to defer to me on big decisions, etc) and overall I have very few complaints. I have come to the realization this dynamic may be short lived however if I don’t focus my energy and I am taking my first steps towards reading up on TRP and unplugging. Since my LTR is already redpill aware and onboard I am in a bit of a weird situation. On one hand, she isn’t opposing me but on the other, I feel like she has my playbook already and this may lead to manipulation if I am not careful. The question: My LTR is big into gaming and she has brought to my attention that she is interested in attending an upcoming LAN event if it’s both financially feasible (it is) and I am alright with it. She said I am more than welcome to come along though she intends to spend most of her time with the community she games with (BYOC – they do tournaments and the whole shebang) and since I don’t play with them, she voiced concern that I may be bored. She has wanted to attend one of these events for some time (predating our relationship) but was previously never in a good place to do so. I am in a weird situation here where she is looking for permission to attend this event with or without me in another state and I don’t know what I should do. She will be the only female in the group in attendance (outside of a few players’ wives / gfs who also don’t game) and I get a weird feeling about letting her go off on her own with a bunch of random dudes who will be drinking and partying and gaming but I feel like I would just be mate guarding if I said no or tagged along like one of the wives. I do have some friends in the state I could potentially visit during the day while she was at the event so I am thinking this might make her feel less claustrophobic but kind of ensures she will still come back to our room at night instead of getting hammered with gaming buddies. Is that a faggot move? I trust her in general but I know alcohol will be a factor and these people are guys who she has been talking to for years but never met. She doesn’t hide her conversations with them and has been very up front with the whole dynamic since we started dating so I have trusted her to draw boundaries with them on her own up until now and she has proved by coming to me when she wasn’t sure if something was ‘too much’ that she can be trusted. Should I just let her go and have fun? Am I dumb for even considering this? Thanks in advance for any advice and insight.",,8,DontWant2FThisUP,2019-10-16 16:45:59 askMRP,dhv3ij,Books for her.,"My latest OYS for reference... https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/dbqaao/_/f23duvb?context=1000 I'm just over 2 months into my RP journey now and things are going pretty well. Even when they arnt going pretty well, I'm anticipating that and making sure I hold frame, game and generally make sure I am happy. My wife has obviously noticed the gargantuan amount of reading I've done sinse picking up RP. I told her at the start the books were all about self improvement. It seems to have struck home with her now and maybe she feels like there's some catching up to do on her behalf, but she asked me if there were any books like mine for her to read. I guess she wants to improve. Either way, I was interested in if any of you guys had passed on any books to your wives that helped them with self improvement. Maybe they found out about RP accidentally and read some of the material, if so, was it helpful? I wouldn't tell her shit about RP, fight club right, but is there any material she could read that isn't directly RP? Cheers bros!",,18,mrbadassmotherfucker,2019-10-14 18:52:05 askMRP,dh0ukh,How to make her cum vaginally?,"I'm 36, wife also 36, married for 3 years, together for 3.5 years. 1 child (2 year old). Discovered red pill 1y ago. Started serious lifting, but major fucked up with frame building. Went insane butthurt super mega turbo Rambo 10000 and things got a lot worse then they were before redpill. Almost destroyed my marriage. Slowly rebuilding now, without ramboing. Height 192cm (6 feet 3.6 inch), Weight 96 kg (211 lbs), bf estimation between 12-16%. Squat 3x4: 107.5kg (237 lbs) DL 1x4: 137.5kg (303 lbs) BP 3x5: 102.5 kg (226 lbs) OHP 3x4: 60.5kg (138 lbs) Pendlay Row 5x5: 85kg (187 lbs) Chinup 3x5: +20kg (+44 lbs) added Finished MMLSLP, The Rational male, NMMNG 2x, WISNIFG, The Unchained Man: The Alpha Male 2.0, Sex God Method. Currently reading BANG. So recently I've read Sex God Method and liked the book a lot. It's very informative and easy to read. But reading about this guy's comprehensive and abundant humble-brag of sexual adventures got me thinking about the topic of vaginal orgasms and me still being a sex noob with it. So he talks a lot about making a girl cum on his dick and he seem's to have mastered it as something that happens almost effortlessly for him and his woman. So as I understand, for it to happen he has all 4 elements of DEVI covered, followed with good foreplay and **\*\*long period of vaginal sex\*\*** , but he mentions that sometimes even this is not necessary and he gets her to cum in first few dick thrusts. So here is my case: My wife never had a vaginal orgasm. She says (thinks) she is not able to have it, that she had one in her life and that she is afraid that she never will. She expressed that she would like to experience this, but is also sad about the possibility that she (allegedly) is physically not capable of having it. I'm extremely pumped up regarding the possibility of making her cum vaginally. I want to experience the feeling of her cumming on my dick. After reading the SMG, I realized that I have 1 (probably more than 1) major problem that's holding me back in getting even close to achieving this. I usually can't fuck strait for more that 3-5 minutes (without pulling out and taking breaks) cause it's a 1 way ticket to Ejaculationville for me. So I feel that first I need to address this inability to control my arousal. I don't know how to start though. Maybe with controlled and deep breathing during sex? In last 3 years, there were 2 situations where she told me ""O my god, I feel like I could cum if you keep this up"". In both situations I was fucking her doggystyle and she was extremely horny. However, her saying things like that, made me loose my cool instantly and exploding inside her in 5 seconds like a horny virgin. So what normally happens when we fuck is: I eat her out and she has a clitoral orgasm. No big deal, I like it, it makes me horny and I'm not doing it solely for her. Problem? Well, even clitoral orgasm from oral sex is not always easy for her. She is often in her head worrying about stupid stuff like am I doing it but not really want to, does she smell bad, do we have enough time, will she last too long and ""ruin everything"" and so on. She sometimes takes even 45 minutes and it stops being fun for me. So this is where it gets interesting - I asked her if she's fantasizing about something when I eat her out and for quite a long time she would just blush and told me she's ashamed to talk about it. So around a year ago she confessed that she always has one of these two fantasies: 1. me fucking her and another woman at the same time. 2. me fucking another women or two other women while she is watching us. Another women in the fantasy is either a girl that we both know that she thinks is interested in me (either this being true or just her hamster thinking that this women want me); or they are just some made up girls that she imagined. She also told me that the girls in the fantasy always do ""slutty"" and forbidden stuff - they do anal, they squirt. they do ass to mouth, and in the fantasy I treat them like whores they are. I never kiss them and I never cum in their pussy, only in their ass or on their face/mouth. They are always blondes. In contrast, in the fantasy I cum in her vaginally, I kiss her and tell her I love her, and that I want to be with her, and I sometimes pick her as my favorite over this other bitches. I find this shit very interesting, as this could just be a confirmation about women being aroused by possibility of competition with other women, fighting for a man (of value) and feeling a thrill when she wins this competition. This could also indicate her deep rooted belief that some forms of sex are bad, dirty and unacceptable for a good girl (anal, squirt, atm, mouth and face cumshot), so she creates ""slut and whore"" characters so she can think about it freely. She did anal with me before (avoids it for last 6 months) but sometimes felt ""dirty"" after doing it. Same thing is true for mouth and face cumshot. So my plan for sex is to focus more on Emotion and Immersion from DEVI and also to practice ejaculation control for penetration longevity. Maybe a good way for Immersion would be transferring slut/good girl threesome fantasy from oral sex to vaginal sex. I could create a story and keep telling the story while fucking her. I'm really interested in you guys experiences with vaginal orgasms and how the fuck you manage to do it. I appreciate your honest input. Edit: Thanks for comments. I realize I might be wanting this for all the wrong reasons and that I could adjust my perspective.",,19,go-RED-go,2019-10-12 21:01:03 askMRP,dgtutb,Bleeding Dick after sex,"Stats: 66 years old, wife 61 and wets up still (thank the gods). Been in the relationship 40 years. Weight - 78-80 kg - height 1750mm - bf% fuck knows. On the road in a caravan as a full time traveler now so I do Convict Conditioning and use a 16kg kettlebell every day. Few gyms in outback Australia. Using Pavel Tsatsouline structures in ""Enter the Kettlebell "" I mix two and one handed to 85 swings, can do 3 strict towel pullups, 10 strict o/head presses each side, and a heap of other stuff on an ad hoc basis. lots of physio roller. I got constrictive pericarditis 15 years ago and it has been up and down like a whores drawers ever since. I take blood thinners for a heart condition called Atrial Fibrillation and my heart beats inside what amounts to a leather sack nowadays. This gives me a lot of grief exercise wise, and often after an intense session, I fall into AF for a couple of hours and have to rest. (Same after good sex, which sucks dog balls but it is what it is). 7 years ago I could deadlift 160kg, bench 110kg, back squat 100kg etc. But now I can only lift 80-90kg max. Total T was 662 a year ago. Currently reading ""Saving a low sex marriage"" by Bluepillprofessor which is the best condensation/explanation of dread, frame and self as origin I have read so far in RP literature. NMMNG - 3/4 read so far. MMSLP, Rational Male, Red Pill Handbook, Sex God Method, and others like Gorilla Mindset, Relentless, The Nine Laws, Good Psychopaths Guide to Success and myriad others. The Testosterone Replacement Bible was an eye opener. I have read 28 of John Norman's Gorean Saga novels starting in 2009, and that was when my attitude to women and personal success started to turn around. All of them should be slaves, calling all men master. Managed to con a few mid 30 chicks on Facebook and Second Life into doing just that. Some cam sex too, which was fun. Wife sometimes Rp's a slave, especially if I edge her and make her beg to come. Often get ten orgasms in a row with this shit. Called her my cum slut the other day and she came harder than ever, but objected to the use of the term afterwards. Dissonant with her self image methinks. I discovered these MRP subreddits about 3 weeks ago, and have hoovered up as much as I can and applied what I can. I was firmly in my wife's frame, but have started to discipline her and set some boundaries, have learned to spot shit and comfort tests, and although I backslide a lot, I can now recognise what is happening as it happens and am correcting the course more often than not. I have become a lot more stoic, and STFU a lot more now. I worked out a long time ago that all the choices in my life were made by me, and I bear the responsibility for them. So I have an overarching plan to get what I want out of life, many details still to be laid out. I thank this community for the direction and self analysis that is taking place. Anyway up until this week my sex life has been inconsistent. My wife loves it when she is in the mood, but I get a lot of hard no's. Up until I started applying what I am rapidly learning the last three weeks. Fuck me, does it all work or what? I mentioned three weeks ago that I was working on becoming attractive to other women and she busted a gut laughing. Yeah I know, keep fight club off the radar, but she has seen the work I am putting in on fitness and right eating (which she supports - we are on keto but heading into carnivore to see what happens). Plus my pushbacks against her frame, shit tests and disrespect, which I used to ignore. And comfort testing, kino plus all the rest of the tips I have managed to remember. There is a ton. Anyway to the question - it is askMRP after all... I have had four roots the last five days after a two weeks of none, but after a long dogging session this afternoon, after pulling out and cleaning up (my wife is a leaker), I found blood on my dick. I rolled over for a nap and immediately went in to AF, which subsided by the time I went to sleep. After waking up I examined my dick and it was angry red on the head. i assume that too much use over a short time had worn a thin layer of skin off and my blood thinners had allowed a leak. Any advice on how to prevent it, apart from not screwing? TIA for any flames, good advice, heckling or support. Well wishes...",,3,vithus_inbau,2019-10-12 11:19:44 askMRP,dgmcos,How long did it take to turn things around?,"Once you started reading here/NMMNG/WISNIFG. An explanation of what ""turn things around"" means too.",,4,[deleted],2019-10-11 22:29:30 askMRP,dgk7pb,5/3/1 while cutting?,"5'7"" 155 pounds still skinny fat but making visible progress. Lost two inches on waist since I started lifting a basic program 3 months ago, while building some muscle and getting much better definition. 1600 calories per day diet while cutting. Lifting: 5 days per week. Day one, all 5x5: Bench Press (alternate incline and flat) Squat Close Grip Bench Day 2: Seated overhead press Barbell row Deadlift Bicep curls. I was thinking of going to 531. However i am not bulking yet as I still have about 15 pounds to lose. Is it worth doing 531 while still cutting? Based on what I read I would say ""no"" but just because I may not put on as much muscle when bulking doesn't mean it isn't worth the switch now. My plan then is to do the 531 for beginners program during my cutting phase and switch to the intermediate plan when I am ready to bulk. Good plan? Faggot plan?",,3,Vegasman20002,2019-10-11 19:44:37 askMRP,dg948b,Only if sexy is on the cards,"I’m still very new and slightly less overwhelmed by all the content here. Slowly but surely making progress everyday albeit its limited to reading. Just a quick question for the MRP gurus. My wife suggested going on a date on a Friday afternoon rather than the weekend so as to not have to worry about baby sitting. I’m self employed so I can make that happen easily enough. However I don’t want to just easily give that to her because she sure as shit doesn’t just easily give me what I want. (I know BP thinking) I’m working on that. So how can I tell her that the only way she is getting me during business hours is if it’s to have sex? I hate knowing about TRP/MRP and frame etc but having zero clue on how to implement it. I’m a total rookie at this point in my journey but man these few weeks have really woken me up to reality!!",,7,realestillusion,2019-10-11 03:07:58 askMRP,dg1mf7,Differentiating between shit test and comfort test with a depressed wife.,"Hello all. Throwaway since wife knows my main. My wife has a history of depression, which has been well controlled for about 90% of our time together and our relationship has been mostly smooth sailing. She adds a lot of value to my life and generally treats me like a king. For the past month, she's entered a very depressed state. She has talked about potentially starting medication (which she used to take over a decade ago before we met) and I've given her praise for recognizing she has an issue that she may not be able to deal with on her own. This morning we were having a conversation and she was in a pretty low state and stressed about having to work an afternoon shift. I told her that she seems burnt out and that she should take a personal day and her and I can go out and have some fun. She responded saying that she ""can't do that"" and ""work needs her and it would be too soon of notice."" I held my tongue and didn't argue back and just said ""alright."" and left it at that. She then went on getting upset about how she's been exercising and eating right and that no matter what she tries she hasn't been able to beat her current state of mind and that she stays up until 4am unable to sleep from the anxiety/depression. I responded by saying that if she's having a hard time, she's welcome to wake me up and that I'm there for her if she needs to talk. She then began saying she won't do that, and how ""everyone says they're there for me and it doesn't make one bit of difference, and nothing you can do can help, so there's no point"" NOTE: She said this last part in a lashing out kind of way with some anger and annoyance in her voice. I responded by saying ""All I'm trying to do is help and be there for you, and you're just giving me back attitude so I'm just gonna leave."" I said this very calmly, but sternly without letting her comment get to me and maintaining frame. I then collected my things and went out the door to go to work without saying another word. I'm fairly new to the redpill (sort of, I actually discovered it about 8 years ago and kind of internalized a fair amount of what I learned, which I think is what has led to a mostly successful relationship with this woman), so I want to know what you gents think about how I handled this situation. Was this a shit test? Or a comfort test disguised as a shit test? It's getting increasingly hard to differentiate between them in her current state. It's also tough because in general she is a very sweet and submissive wife. All feedback is welcome. Please feel free to rip me a new one if you think that's appropriate. Criticism is welcome. For reference, I would (being as objective as possible) say that my SMV is about an 8.5-9 and hers is about a 7-7.5. I've read all sidebar material but I find it hard to apply to situations when dealing with a depressed wife. I'm very much a ""fixer"" but I've been trying to take a more be the oak/supportive approach rather than trying to solve this depression problem for her, since I know this isn't something I'm capable of fixing and don't want to foster codependency.",,10,mynewthrowaway1990,2019-10-10 17:46:13 askMRP,dfkdi2,Wife Moved Out,"So for those who have been following me I have an update. My wife of 6.5 years and her two kids moved out this weekend. It was a bit shocking to come home to a half-empty house. I admit I lost it a couple times. Even though she didn't treat me all that well I still have a big sense of loss and sadness. Sometimes I think I miss the life we had more than the actual person. Or at least the person I first met before things went sour a couple years ago. At this point she wants space and doesn't want to give an answer on if or when she'll be back. She doesn't want to lose me and asked me not to see other people and she is doing the same. Part of me wants to work on things and part of me wants to just move on. My next decision will be how long to wait before filing for divorce. I did tell her I'm putting a time limit on the separation. I'm not going to be living in limbo. She complained that I'm pressuring her and giving her an ultimatum. So my question is, how do I get over her as fast as possible and kill the loss, sadness, and angry in it's tracks?",,26,[deleted],2019-10-09 17:30:57 askMRP,dfrpkt,How to have children?,"Like knowing your relationship will end, how do u have children and do it right? Any good reads anyone recommends it's hard to find good red pill parenting. Not so much teaching the kids. Just the pathways of navigating life around separation / and all that. All relationships end or massive amount of sacrifices are made, which to me is kind of defeats the purpose of it all. All in all, just seeing what kind of discussion will become of this.",,1,that_italia_guy,2019-10-10 02:43:53 askMRP,dfd7ga,Need some advice on how to handle a situation.,"Ok, I am currently reading blue pill professors book about how to save a low sex marriage. There is a part where it mentions to add to Dread (first levels) i should just leave the house and if and when wife asks where I was t just be aloof or possibly answer ""I don't need to answer someone who doesn't find me attractive, my time is better spent elsewhere"". While this part is clear I need some advice on my situation. Every Thursday my girlfriend goes to choir practice and I stay home with my oldest son, make him dinner, bring him to bed. I love doing this because it gives me a chance to bond more with my son. So this week she had choir practice on Tuesday, so I organised a bouldering session with friends. I simply asked her if she needed the car on that day at all, she said no. The reason I need the car is because I live outside of the city and train connections are only until a certain time. We have a calender we write in with various things and appointments we have so we don't make plans over the others plans, this is because we only have 1 car. I simply wrote that I will need the car in the evening but wrote nothing else. She hasn't asked as she hasn't seen it yet but when she does inquire where I will be going or why I didn't come home yet, I have no idea what to even answer her. I wanted to say something along the lines of ""I'm going out and won't be back until late"" she will then ask more and thus the power trip will start. Honestly, if this was me 10 years ago I'd just go out and not give a shit, but I've been so much fucking blue pill I feel like I owe an explanation as I would my mother when I was younger. I know this sounds bad but I want to get out of this habit and before I say something stupid or wrong I'd like some informed opinions. Before anyone asks, I have posted twice recently to oys, was ignored. I am slowly making my way through the sidebar, lifting, losing weight. Wardrobe Update is next. I'm still new to this and I've been blue pilled so long, I forgot how I used to be before. I need some guidance, call me a faggot, I get it. But I need to do this and learn from someone before I can get it right. Thank you. EDIT : thanks for the feedback. I realise I'm still nowhere near where I need to be. Will keep on progressing.",,5,cm3105,2019-10-09 06:40:24 askMRP,dde10c,Teenage Daughter Wants to Spend Time with Friends During my Parenting Time,"I didn't see any questions about this specific topic in my searches so I'm posting here hoping for some divorce/custody advice. I've been divorced for 11 years. My ex and I share 50/50 custody with a daughter who is now 14 and a freshman in HS. I don't live in the same town where my ex lives (30 min away) and my daughter goes to school in her town. The issue is that lately, my daughter has begun getting invited to parties/sleepovers/activities at friends' houses on weeknight evenings (some Fridays, too) when it's my parenting time. Of course she wants to go even though we typically have a great time together. If she does go, that means I lose my evening parenting time. This issue came up a bit in middle school but, I was able to either just say no and shut it down or we would reschedule a day/night for parenting time at a later date. Now, however, under the influence of her mom, she is saying that she should be allowed to go even during my parenting time and that, further, we shouldn't have to reschedule the parenting time for a later date. I don't want my daughter to start resenting coming to my house (especially because I know that soon enough she'll be able to dictate where and when she goes anywhere) but, I also want to maintain the custody time I have with her for as long as possible, since her mom's household doesn't set the best example for her. None of this would be an issue if her mom wasn't in my daughter's ear about it so, I am also coming up against the shitty influence of my ex. Anyone face issues with older children who start bucking the custody arrangement and are supported in this by their moms? What actions should I take, if any?",,26,wkndatbernardus,2019-10-04 21:42:47 askMRP,ddhgm2,Wife sure likes that TV,"I'm out doing my own thing several nights a week. My wife's routine is to ""watch her shows"" while I'm gone, that's fine I don't have any interest in them. But it's spreading into the other nights and times, pretty much whenever she gets time to unwind after the kids are in bed she fires up the TV for some of that sweet dopamine. I find myself just wanting to leave and do other things because the TV is boring as shit, but that means I'm gaming my wife less and less. I think I need to be the cruise director and come up with nightly activities to keep her off there, and it has to invoke at least as much feels as the TV shows. I have a million fun things for us to do outside the house and we have a great time but it gets too expensive (babysitting needed). What are you doing with your wife on nights in besides sex? Or do you just sit on the couch watching Netflix and initiate during the breaks between shows?",,8,SiegreicherMarsch,2019-10-05 02:38:05 askMRP,dcxm2q,When your wife goes to a concert and fucks Chad,"For the first 12 years of my marriage, I mate guarded the ever living fuck out of my wife. I wouldn't let her leave the state to go visit family or leave the country and I got really worried when she would go out with girlfriends and I couldn't get in touch with her. I would get jealous over her past sexual endeavors. I slut shamed her. I cried like a bitch because she used to do stuff with past boyfriends that she wouldn't do with me. She wasn't [giving me her best](https://therationalmale.com/2013/12/03/saving-the-best/). She controlled sex almost 100% and I lived in her frame because mine was so weak. If she asked me to go to a concert in the city with her girlfriend and stay in a hotel for the night I would lose my shit. Not only would I not allow it but I would have probably given her shit and made her feel guilty about it. I would have brought up other guys and and worried I was about losing her to someone else. I did a google search and [found a blog](https://www.thetreeofawakening.com/forums/topic/my-wife-cheated-at-concert-she-says-i-am-perfect-in-every-way/) that relates to the title of this post. It's what I used to fear and what I used to be like. I lived in fear **constantly,** especially about my wife and her emotions. This poor dude in the story was me, and right now today if I was still that man I would guarantee my wife would be the one sucking some dudes dick in the back of his Traverse tonight. I mean, shit that could still happen but I highly doubt it. I don't fear my wife cheating on me but I can't lie to you guys and say I didn't think about it. The hamster had me google it just for fun to see what came up. I had to make a conscious effort not to mate guard but to set some boundaries for her on the night. Basic shit like making sure to be safe, not drink too much blah blah. If my wife cheated on me tonight, I would find out about it and I would scorch earth with great pleasure. I kind of fantasize about her cheating just so I have a reason to not be the bad guy. That aside, I also don't think she will cheat because I actually fuck her good. I bet this sorry fuck gets IV drip sex and she has already cheated on him before or at least fantasized about it her whole sad marriage. All women do to a certain degree, but this poor bitch was probably BEGGING for some good dick. Before she left for the night she requested that I fuck her. I went to the gym at lunch and also hit the sauna. To say I didn't smell great is an under statement. My dick probably still had her dried cum on it from last night too. Before RP this wouldn't have happened because it was an inconvenient time and the kids were awake. Not to mention that if we both weren't showered, sex was ""icky"" and off the table for her because she is neurotic as fuck. She came over and pulled my pants off and started sucking. Jumped on top and rode my dick like a savage. Filled her up with cum, went back to work and sent her on her way to the concert with her girlfriend. Could she cheat? Of course she could. Would she cheat? I highly doubt it. I will be dripping out of her pussy the whole night so whoever fucks her is going to have to swim through all my jizz first. Moral of the story, fuck your wife really good all the time and she is way less likely to fuck some random dude because he has a southern accent and she catches the feelz for alpha dick. Don't fear Chad, BE CHAD.",,2,[deleted],2019-10-03 21:34:48 askMRP,dcmr0o,How to raise a daughter successfully,"I have a 1yo daughter. Common knowledge and reading has made me understand that leading by good example is the best parents can do to raise a child. Now here is the thing, I was an above average rebellious kid. I started drinking, smoking(both weed and cigarettes) having sex etc. Very early. I had a couple parties at home where things got trashed and they obviously lashed out. They tried everything, talking calmly, screaming at me, grounding me, taking me to psychologist etc. And whatever they did I resented them more and more. Is there any good reading material on how to parent ""correctly""? If she turns out half the asshole I was the challenges will stand in que.",,12,IATAsshole,2019-10-03 05:55:18 askMRP,dct3wf,Porn Recommendations,"Click-bait title aside, I'm looking for some advice on porn from those that use it as a tool with their wives/LTR. No, it's not for me personally (at least not directly). No, it's not my idea. For context, I requested that my wife provide some input on variety, and this is a suggestion she came up with. I'm glad I asked, because I might have never thought of this, not to mention I think it might come across very differently if it were my idea. (Tangent question, is inception a thing in MRP?) My wife is conservative, and I see this going good or bad depending on my lead. My past porn use has me scratching my head for perspective here. She has never watched porn and has no idea what she is asking for, or what depravity is out there. Then again, I now know that women get physically aroused by watching monkeys fuck...(wtf?) So I'm thinking I'll start off with ""wife bangs the mailman"", followed by ""hot wife cuck sessions""... In all seriousness, I am thinking something soft-core is best here, maybe even a massage scene to setup a joke about past covert contracts/transactional sex of the former me. What do you guys think? Any advice?",,3,MarkSentinel,2019-10-03 16:16:13 askMRP,dbh4ka,Wife Moving Out: An Update,"In case you have not read my initial post, it is here: [https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/cwaqdh/wife\_moving\_out/](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/cwaqdh/wife_moving_out/) It's been about a month since my wife told me she's moving out. She now has half the house packed up, a lease almost signed, services ordered, and furniture ordered. This past weekend she had her two daughters pack up their rooms. The apartment she picked out is nice, but is over 50% of her take-come income so she'll be broke. She said she planned to sign the one year lease today and moving out next weekend. Her thought is that ""one year is short"" and we can ""work on things"" while she ""takes space."" She says she needs the space to work out her own priorities, her wounds and habits, her sexual desires, her frustrations with me, blended family issues, social issues, and other family issues. She also wants to see if we actually miss each other and want to spent time together. In the last moth I consulted several divorce attorneys, separated our finances, took steps to protect my assets, and also went to individual counseling. The therapist says she almost certainly has borderline personality disorder. I've been focusing on outcome independence and making the stay plan the same as the go plan. I also picked up a side plate that is fun but definitely not a replacement for my wife. Last night I mentioned that if she moves out we are 100% done. This morning she's freaking out and saying she'll stay because I'm forcing her too. She said "" You've created that requirement. You set the boundaries and you said that's how it is for you. You will not work on things without me in the house. That doesn't leave me a choice ."" Right now I'm a bit lost. Do I let her go?",,25,[deleted],2019-09-30 19:48:38 askMRP,dbftt7,No Sexual Attraction in Marriage,"Hey guys, Cross-posting this from AskTRP as was advised this would be a better forum. So this is very similar to what I posted over there. I'm a lurker, have read the side-bar but still internalizing it. There is a lot to digest. I'm not going to write a long-ass paragraph, so I'll summarize. Married 10 years (early 40's), no kids. Wife is kind, supportive, caring, pretty... but I'm no longer sexually attracted to her. Its probably the cliched ""I love her but am not in love with her"" schtick... though mentioning 'love' here is probably frowned upon. There was attraction at the start, but it just faded regardless of what I tried. I find it hard to keep it up during. My testosterone is fine, I'm horny as fuck - just not for her - even though she is pretty. I guess we've been together 'too long' (for me at least). There are women in work that I have rock hard erections for, but don't intend to act on it. I say this more as an indication that I absolutely want to fuck other women. Watch porn/fap every few days to release the pressure. She is still very much into me. This crushes me (beta right...) and the thought of leaving crushes me because it will crush her. Clearly I'm emotional about this so need some 3rd party unbiased,clinical and amoral advice (and a kick up the ass). My head and my dick say leave, but my emotions are all ""don't crush her bro, she's a great person"". Will continue to read the side-bar of course. **EDIT**: I mentioned this a few times below so will put it here. After considering my thoughts some more, the truth is that I've made the decision to leave and the guilt is killing me. I've read the Dark Triad theory and it says that, for example, that psychopathy is beyond our control. The level to which you can be is hard-wired and the only thing you can do is simulate it and live with the consequences. I am an overly empathetic guy, **so the question is** \- can someone point me to some material whereby I can learn to deal with this emotional bullshit. ***UPDATE***: I've left her last night. I realised that whatever guilt I have will pass and I'm feeding my ego to think she won't move on and that its selfish at best to continue to drag it out. I'll give myself some time to process my thoughts and emotions, throw myself some more into my business. Continue to read the material. Also, some of ya'll seem to love the word faggot. You need to come out of the closet and let the anger go, you've swallowed the red pill but seem to long to swallow something else. Some serious insecurity goin' on. **For those that gave genuine advice/guidance - I appreciate it! Best of luck on your mission.** As I read and apply more, I will try and contribute.",,11,RelationshipSOS2019,2019-09-30 18:23:19 askMRP,db4enh,Comfort or STFU?,"I’m genuinely stumped. I recently went through a shitty comfort test after 6mos of noobie gains. See previous post: /r/askMRP/comments/cwm38o/wtf_happened_worse_before_it_gets_better/eyfdacu/?context=3. Went a wee bit Rambo and implemented the great suggestions. Realized attraction wasn’t there after the 6mo peak of alpha and had to get back to the grind. Backing off and reducing time and attention did wonders. Gave me time to re-evaluate and just do me to work on frame and OI. Unintentional results was wife coming around quickly. The tension was there and we had a few hours while the kid was away and that seems to be when she is the most comfortable. So I initiate and we have insane sex for an hour or so with me including anal in second session. During the noobie period where I reaped my newly found alpha we had anal twice with no complaints and even her getting turned on by it. Now, she texts while I’m at work (not planning texting back) she says that “I'm really struggling right now not being really pissed with you and myself for doing somethi f I don't like. I am really uncomfortable and it pisses me off that I do it to make you happy but you're more concerned with how you're looking I do to make you happy and I'm the one that ends up hurting. That's not love“. Her exact words. My question is I’m really sensitive to what happened recently so do I provide comfort and how? Fuck I’m struggling with the Alpha and Beta mix. I know that by phone is not ideal. When I see her in the morning? Edit: She is sore. That’s the “uncomfortable” part. She had told me earlier and I commented that it was a hellva session and get some rest. Wtf?",,6,Wagzdaddy,2019-09-30 01:28:34 askMRP,dau3g3,Facebook dating... better than Tinder?,"I'm (35M) single, lonely and simply trying to settle down with a nice woman for love and possibly marriage/children. I started the dating site hustle with Plenty of Fish way back in the day. I had one good relationship from it but most of the people I matched with were shallow nutjobs who regularly accused me of only wanting sex. eHarmony and Match were always too expensive so I avoided them like the plague. My next dating site was OKCupid, again, one or two great conversations and maybe one date. Nothing much else. --- I know this is really disjointed and hard to follow, but I should clarify that for the first 33 years of my life, I lived in a small town where most of my closest female friends had already gotten married and had kids with other dudes. I grew up poor and unable to drive out of town to meet people in a night club or bar. Tinder was my go to dating site for 6 years, but even there with the sheer number of women seeking serious relationships (almost 3x as many as the other places I tried), I still had trouble meeting people who actually wanted to be with me. Many were tired of unsolicited dick pics and sexual comments and automatically threw me in with the people I've been priding myself on not being. Now, I use Facebook dating, it's working, but I'm worried that it will end up being like my past experience. Is there anything I can do to improve my self image so that women know I'm not just trying to get in their pants?",,0,dre4mslayer,2019-09-29 11:44:22 askMRP,dahdea,Dating after divorce and redefining love,"Long story short, I was married for 9 years and have 2 kids. After last kid, wife turned off the sex and became a nag. I was beta to the max. Discovered TRP, started lifting again 3 years ago, divorced not quite one year ago after just living my life (sex improved but she was just a miserable person to be around). I'm enjoying my new life. And just started getting back out there to meet new people which brings me to my present mindset. I'm in great shape and have no problems talking with women. But I'm having a hard time with the idea of ""love"". I don't need a woman in my life but I value companionship. Most recently went on a date with a woman. Solid 6 but very intelligent and kind... Things I value over straight up sexual appearance. About 7 years younger than me and she has no kids. Lust is lust. Easily defined. What is your perspective on love knowing that a woman will never love you in the way a man wants? Is it just find someone who likes to be around you and will add value to your life? I'm pretty right brained about things and just can't rationalize what love is anymore having left a 13 year relationship with one person. Perspective is appreciated. Edit: Lots of vomit on my part. I appreciate the dick punch.",,17,Spock_Vs_Spock,2019-09-28 15:23:45 askMRP,da2suv,Wife ignoring me after an argument about me being “too easy” on our daughter. Should I just ignore her until she’s done pouting about it? And then ignore her more?,"Long and short of it is this: My wife is hard on our 3 year old daughter. No “old school” hard....but over the top. Yells at her for spilling milk/juice/etc., screams at her if she tells her to do something more than a few times (when my wife is already upset). I’m calm. Our daughter is 3. When she makes a mistake, I don’t make her feel bad about herself. If she spills, she spills. Who cares? It’s not like it happens everyday. We then clean it up together (daughter isn’t going to climb into the cabinet and get floor cleaner and rags). My wife? “Oh my God you spilled again? Jesus. Be more careful. How many times can you spill in a week?” When my daughter accidentally drips into her underwear after potty, i ask her what happened. Then I remind her that she needs to pull her underwear all the way down. Then we get a new pair. My wife? “I thought we were potty trained! What is the problem? If you keep doing this they are going to kick you out of your class since you need to be potty trained. These are not exaggerations and only a few examples. So last night my daughter climbed up on the table and started drinking a soda. My wife flipped out at her and goes “for once, can you just discipline this girl instead of telling her everything is okay and that she’s a princess and can’t do no wrong” (I don’t call her a princess. This is my wife being obnoxious). I calmly bent down at my daughter’s level. I said here’s what’s going to happen. That was naughty. Now we are going up to bed early. You don’t get a snack tonight. Say sorry to mommy and we are going to bed.” She says sorry and then I bring her upstairs. My wife’s response when I get back down? “Well the hero strikes again. Mommy is the asshole who always yells. Daddy is the good guy, how does it feel to always be the good guy?” I go “well I’ll tel you what, it feels good at 35 to be able to keep my emotions in check and not damage the psyche of a 3 year old who made some mistakes. As opposed to you, who can’t keep her composure.” She didn’t say a thing. She went in the other room, closed the door, and didn’t come to bed last night. She didn’t say a word to me this morning. I said good morning. Nothing. I said a few more things relating to our kids and their days today and she ignored me. Okay. What is my move here? I feel like if I address this, she wins. She knows she was in the wrong here: At the same time, she needs to stop yelling at our daughter UNLESS it’s something that is dangerous (I 100 percent back her up when she yells at her for dangerous things). What should I do? Thanks.",,6,woodhavenapherical,2019-09-27 16:25:32 askMRP,d8ubeo,Tell LTR About a Past Fling.,"I know the answer is probably no... But I have a women in a friend group who I had a one night stand with. My LTR and her may intermingle in the future (I am quite sure of it actually), should I be telling my LTR that we fucked (or is this not dread at all)? So that my LTR is not caught off guard if for some reason this fact gets brought up.",,4,MeansToABenz,2019-09-24 22:11:16 askMRP,d8nl9v,Putting future plans on hold,"Been with LTR for 5years now, most of this duration being in college. I was aware of TRP before the relationship started so I always made sure to lift, screen girls, always improve myself etc. As a result, throughout our relationship I’ve always stayed on top of it: I went from 145lbs to 205lbs at 5’11, dressed well (gaining weight to fit in clothes helps!), been social, didn’t take any shit from my GF, and got a great paying career, rarely say I love her (said it for the first time 2 years in and she gets so moved she gets tears in her eyes when I say it). I easily have more SMV than my LTR and she has said it too but not in those exact words obviously, more so in ways such as “you could totally be a contestant in those game show since you’re so outgoing. I definitely could not do it”, things like that. I kept her along because she’s always complemented my life. Low maintenance, takes care of her looks, never denies sex, helps with things when I need it, etc. That’s a background of our relationship. Anyways, since being out of college, we both started living at home. Although we have well paying jobs, it was a good idea to save up some money as we live in a high cost of living area. She lives further away from work than I do, and we talked about both moving in together at the beginning of 2020, so we would be able to see each other more than now (1-2times per week) and during college she slept over most nights of the week at my apt anyways since we enjoyed each other’s company. We also talked about plans to get married in the future for the first time. However, over the last month she started expressing doubts about living together and marrying soon. She said since we’ll be able to live with each other for the rest of our lives, it may be more fun to try and live independently nearby so we can still see each other more but also have the experience with living with our friends. Of course I will never live with someone who doesn’t want to live with me, and I’m in no rush to live with her, but it’s alarming for her to back out of these plans. It raises concerns for me when I think about our future and I don’t like how the future of our relationship seems uncertain and like it’s in a gray area. What is the best frame of mind to proceed with? Every few days, I’ll think about the situation and feel contempt towards her",,5,slabsofmuscle,2019-09-24 13:59:56 askMRP,d7zkyn,Anniversaries.,How often do you guys go out for anniversaries? We are coming up on six months now? Was the fact that we went out for one month and three month anniversaries too much? Am I setting up a precedent that is too much to keep up with?,,0,MeansToABenz,2019-09-23 01:20:21 askMRP,d79rk3,"Still failing, but not as much","Rereading sidebar. Making sure I have not missed anything. Read: MMSL MAP NMMNG again Sex God Method RM 1, 2 ,and 3 Finally realized I created all of this. I failed to lead. I let my ego take control. I allowed my little feelings get in the way. Absent Captain. Absent father. I see progress. I STFU alot. Becoming more aware of catching myself in her frame...but struggling to regain mine....so revert to STFU when I cannot. Lifting, and have been for years. Have Tuesday and Thursday evening with just myself and by two young sons for Jijitsu and Saturday mornings for baseball alone. Just started Jujitsu myself....and my size and strength have no advantage to this type of martial art...absolutely phenomenal sport. I am spending more time speaking and being with my male friends.....why the fuck I was not previously is just plain stupid. Nowhere near where I should be, but I am chatting up more random women. Even have a sexy young waitress at my regular lunch spot flirting with me and vice versa. Getting a lot more smiles....she baked for me last week. my confidence is getting a lot better when I am slowly learning not to give a fuck. Overall, wife is responding with small positive baby steps, and I am passing more shit tests than failing.....I need to work on frame and self control more. I know I have a long way to go and all of this is a life long process. Sex with the wife....I talk more now during sex and she responds with more moans and grabs me more. She resists a bit less when I approach now. Still a bit whining here and there....fucking annoying and I get all of these stupid thoughts which are probably true of her not really desiring me....all due to me being a pussy for so long. She always cums either with me inside or me eating her out. She does give more BJ's but I have to tell her to and it still seems like a chore for her. Most of the time, after she finishes....she tells me to hurry up. I FUCKING HATE THAT. Still feels she only fucks just to fuck and cum, and not due to the littlest desire for me. Trying to incorporate ideas from Sex God Method. Just this morning I fucked her while she was asleep. Incorporated a bit from SGM....she came hard and I continued to slowly fuck her. She tells me to hurry up. I stopped and told her that was a turn off. No butt hurt and just went on with my morning with a smile. Other times she gets whiny after sex and starts complaining about random shit. I know Rome was not built in a day, but would like some insight if there is anything I may be missing.",,16,1kdawg1,2019-09-21 12:17:15 askMRP,d77mzp,Divorce threats,"Yes, divorce threats today unless I stop meeting my friend for a coffee, stop the gym, BJJ etc. I'm not ready for this, but held frame as well as possible during the conversation. My wife has told all her family and my parents about my 'midlife crisis' so I'm having to deflect some extra shit. Also got accused of having an affair (I'm not). It's also PMS time. I did my best to offer comfort, but she only wanted compliance. I didn't back down, so now I apparently have until Monday to cancel all my personal shit or she'll file. Fuck that. But I'm still not ready for this situation. My wife is also the primary earner and has added threats related to paying for various shit. Am thinking to arrange a mortgage holiday for 6 months in case she follows through with this. Thanks for reading my puke. I need some advice. I'm not backing down on my activities, but not sure how to proceed. Is it all bluster? I won't know until next week. Her hamster has gone crazy, linking various shit together and drawing incorrect conclusions.",,6,GoingOnAJourney,2019-09-21 07:45:50 askMRP,d6ndax,"What the hell has happened to the ""manosphere"" ? AJ, RT, RC, etc.","So... the redpill sub got shut down on Reddit. Then Rich Cooper bowed out of the 21 Convention. Then fuckwad Anthony Johnson calls out Rollo. Twice. WTF ? So today I start watching Coach Greg Adams and he is calling out Rich Cooper (Entrepreneur in Cars) about not being MGTOW. WTF ? And tonight I sit down to watch ""Red Man Group Patriarchs"" and I see Anthony ""Dream"" Johnson with ""Tex"" and ""TW Beckett"", neither of which I have never seen before. Of course Anthony starts his sob story about Medusa. WTF ? These guys are ""Patriarchs"" ? WTH ? Anthony Johnson is a ""Patriarch"" ? Maybe in duration, but certainly not in knowledge or example. The man is a walking vagina. What the hell is happening out there ? Where is the leadership ? Thank God that Rollo keeps going because everyone else seems to have lost it.",,5,RPAnon123,2019-09-20 01:03:10 askMRP,d6bl0v,Hormone imbalance?,"Hey Guys, &#x200B; My wife regularly shows signs of hormone based issues: \- Eczema outbreaks and low resistance around her period (meaning she ends up sick at home, etc.); \- Occasionally alopecia; \- Extremely cunty behavior, much more than I see with other women; &#x200B; Apart of that she seems to be sort of depressed (i.e. she has no other hobbies/interests, just Netflix) and is continuously grumpy towards me and/or our daughter. &#x200B; She used to take the pill, but the symptoms were even worse then. I suspect something is off with her progesteron as this could cause above symptoms, but as I'm not a doctor I wouldn't know. &#x200B; How do I persuade her to go get it checked out and/or try different ways to get it checked out? She says that she's been to the doctor and asked, but they responded with a ""no mam we don't investigate that"", which is just bullshit as I got my testosterone checked out without barely asking. She now simply says ""nope, they won't do that"" and shows no intent of trying to get to the root of her problems, although it clearly bothers her. &#x200B; I'd like to know what I'm dealing with here and how I could/should deal with it. If she does seem to have something like PMDD i highly doubt I can do much on my part though. &#x200B; Thanks",,3,[deleted],2019-09-19 09:30:18 askMRP,d6diqk,"As a 23 years old married guy, I don't know how to keep plates in secret. How do you keep your plates in secret?","I got married when I was 22 and now I have got an urge to fuck other girls. I love my wife and I find her very beautiful and sexy. We have sex every day of the week, sometimes 2-3 times in a day. However, I still want to fuck other girls. It makes me feel strong, happy when I got attention from them. Some girls are very willing to flirt with me. I've been trying Tinder these days and I have matched beautiful girls but I can't do anything more than just talking because my wife always wonder about me when I am outside etc. She always calls me and asks me where I am when I am late to the home. She also knows the password of my phone. She once checked my phone when I was sleeping. So, I wonder how you keep your plates/girls that you talk,fuck,flirt in secret? How do you give your phone numbers to them? What if they call you or send message you while you are with your wife at home? What if your wife sees them? These questions makes me sick. I don't know what to do. I was having sex with lots of different girls in a month before getting married, but now I only have sex with my wife. That doesn't mean I don't love my wife. I love her and I don't want to get a divorce. It is not easy as said. Please give me some advice. Thank you.",,0,dbayraktar,2019-09-19 12:44:58 askMRP,d5rf56,It *MIGHT* be possible she did not cheat,"Here is a little story I would like you to consider before you: 1. See a lawyer, 2. Accuse her of cheating 3. Ignore a 2 week cooling off period before acting. I also spend some of my time on a car forum. Someone inevitably rocks in with a problem with their car. Often its a new noise. The OP is clearly worried and equally clearly hoping someone online is going to say something to the effect of “Yeah I had that, don’t worry, it went away, drives like a dream now, 30k miles later still going strong”. We all know there is a very small chance of getting that response and it being true. What is far more common is the worst case scenario response – “that’s a total rebuild you know”; “I had that noise and the engine blew up the next day”. If you’re lucky, you might get, “For fucks sake, you've told us nothing about you, nothing about how you treat the car, and nothing about the cars history – sorry buddy we can’t help you - give us some more info or go to a mechanic”. The reality is that EVERY person online who responds knows nothing about you, your history, your situation (seems obvious really). And for good reason most car forums have posting requirements (like ours [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/82875i/cut_the_shit/)) that encourage the bare minimum information to try to help. *But we aren’t here to talk about cars - and MRP is a bit different.* So at askMRP you rock in with your worst case scenario train wreck story, hoping we care, and that someone will give you hope its going to magically work out. At askMRP, It is our role to call your shit, call you into action, challenge you to MAN UP. So we counter your worst case scenario with a WORSE case scenario. “She definitely cheated - you're a CUCK!” ""NEXT her and learn to vet!"" But that doesn’t mean we are right. We don’t know you, you can’t trust us - so don’t post your puke and then tell us 4 hours later you went to a lawyer because we showed you TWO RED FLAGS. *That's retarded.* You should by now know the captain / first officer analogy, hopefully you know that YOU have let your boat drift out of harbour and out to sea. YOU know its your fault, YOU tied the shitty knots and fell asleep. But now you are out there in the middle of nowhere, no land in sight, and you come in here with your problems, (which we confirm) and then decide your best move is to JUMP SHIP. No, kimosabe, your best move is to stay aboard. Maybe get back to port and fix the boat. Maybe use the shitty boat and crew as a sparring partner to improve your captaincy. Maybe use it to get you to a new destination with new crew. So for fucks sake, please DO NOT JUMP SHIP because we tell you it’s a shitty boat with a shitty crew. Its done you fine for x years, you can make a few more months before you decide. Moral of the story (in u[/RStonePT](https://www.reddit.com/user/RStonePT/) words in response to recent poster): *I've always hated these (desperate posts). Literally a snap shot of peoples lives, and a guy hoping to be the exception of the standard story. You've told a story that leads us all to think she cheated, which she may have. Of course* ***I know fuck all about you, and that kind of makes a difference.*** **So:** * Trust your instincts. * Wait a bit before you jump off the boat. * Give us more info if you are desperate that we decide your fate. * Own the prison of shit you locked yourself in &#x200B; **She might not have cheated | Your car might be fine** .",,29,simbarlion,2019-09-18 02:38:22 askMRP,d5gzwa,"There's no such thing as ""Redpill Aware"" - Take the first step in owning your shit.","So quit fucking posting shit about this. I don't care if you've been 'aware'. The classic fucking statement, ""Hey I've read \[one or two books\] and have been redpill aware for 6 months"" &#x200B; Do you know what this is to our Flaired brethren? This is DEER. This is excuses. This is one more feeble attempt at not owning your shit. When I read it, I read, ""Hey guys I'm guilty of fuck-arounditis and have been taking the course work for audit only. Oh and I'm afraid of committing so I've just half-assed a for the past six months."" Life is about grades. You either get A's or you fail. There's no taking the course for Audit and seeing what you feel about it. &#x200B; If you come to AskMRP and instead say, ""Hey guys I'm failing and I don't know why but here's what I've done so far..."" you are already starting off on the right foot. Being an integrated man starts with ownership from the first day. &#x200B; The first step starts with ownership and letting go of your ego.",,69,UEMcGill,2019-09-17 13:28:49 askMRP,d5ilfd,Rule Zero on Facebook,"Rich Cooper, Rian Stone, and Jon from Modern Life Dating started a private community on Facebook that's grown to about 700 users in a month. I am a fan of both Rich and Rian and like their youtube content. I almost went to 21 Con because they were going to be there and of all the content creators, they are among the elite bringing concise, relevant, and easily applicable wisdom. The Group: [https://www.facebook.com/groups/1384109495075844/](https://www.facebook.com/groups/1384109495075844/) Their description: >What you really you need to know is Rule Zero:Our mission is to increase men's sexual power and options, and improve their lives.This is the mission.Support the mission.Or go somewhere else. Their Group Rules from the Admins >1 You must have a profile pictureYou will not be accepted if you do not have a profile picture of yourself, no exceptions.2 You must use your main facebook accountAbsolutely no sock puppet accounts, use your main facebook account, or you will be declined entry and banned.3 Don't be an askholeDo not ask questions, and do nothing with the information, and come back again later asking a similar question. &#x200B; This isn't an advertisement to that group, nearly the opposite. Full disclosure, I have joined, made some comments here and there. However.....I have questions and concerns. Concerns 1. I am apprehensive to get involved in facebook groups at all, let alone controversial ones because facebook privacy.. well isn't great. For example, a simp I know within the industry I am in changed his privacy settings to accidentally expose all his groups somehow, so not only his wife, but any on his friends list could see his posts in ""BBW in Chicago"" on his timeline and in their news feed. 2. Reddit is like my ""Rick Sanchez Portal Gun"" to check out odd things, be anonymous, be weird, be a troll at times, and occasionally acknowledge that I'm a dipshit and need own it and grow. Facebook is where I put on the public persona. It feels like inviting the side chick and the wife to the same party. 3. A lot the 21 Con speakers, bloggers, podcasts, and youtube channels use aliases. In fact there's been some talk recently about Rollo ""doxxing"" a meeting location to a NYT reporter, then she showed up. I think RC was concerned about security at a 21 Con event and backed out. 4. My limited view on doxxing is that I created an new anonymous Reddit account for this because I didn't want anyone, especially my wife, googling my regular reddit username and seeing this post and comment history. She would be pissed, shit tests and comfort tests would flood in, and she would see my changes as role playing and I would lose dread. I just don't want to start over again. Questions 1. What are your thoughts on Facebook groups and privacy? 2. What are the legitimate concerns on getting doxxed? 3. Has anyone HERE actually been doxxed and had legitimate fallout? 4. Is there already an actual ""MRP"" group on facebook already that I just don't know about?",,8,helaughsinhidden,2019-09-17 15:28:23 askMRP,d5qur8,Christian wife,"When a woman says "" I want my husband to be a spiritual leader"" she means.......",,1,DeanMaverick13,2019-09-18 01:50:40 askMRP,d58zvq,High n count,"On trp and asktrp the general consensus is that an n count higher than 3ish will make a woman harder to be with and more likely to cheat. Ive also seen the other side of that where a girl thats been on the carousel is less prone to cheating since they have experienced that and arent into it. What is the consensus on mrp? Anyone with a low n count partner worry they want to try cc? Anyone with a higher n count partner care to chime in?",,4,JungleBeanr,2019-09-17 00:03:55 askMRP,d52c9t,T Test Results and options,"Had my first T test and level is 493. I had a torsion when I was a kid so only one of the boys works. This seems low, but based on the acceptable range on the test is is slightly below the middle (264-916 it says). 10.4 Free Testosterone (6.8-21.5 is the range). Going to chat with doctor, but let's assume he says it's fine. Any experience with non-prescription options? Is this really worth worrying about ? 49yo BTW.",,3,Vegasman20002,2019-09-16 15:35:47 askMRP,9xxbt1,Period,"She has the worst. These are not shit tests... she just turns into a raging bitch for 3-4 days. She just dropped something on her own head, and yelled at me for not catching it. If anyone has any coping mechanisms please let me know.",,17,RobertCarraway,2018-11-17 15:47:32 askMRP,9g6ot4,What to do when LTR can't handle dread?,"I secured my LTR after discovering the red pill. As such, I entered that relationship in a way where I had pretty much all the power in the relationship. The problem is that she was anxious as fuck. Constantly comfort-seeking. She never shit-tested. She never got angry at me. She only got sad, upset, hurt, insecure and more neurotic. That is obviously not a fun person to live with. As I reduced dread, while maintaining an outcome-independent frame, the relationship improved and I actually enjoyed being around her again. However, occasionally, she becomes less compliant, more lazy, works out less, does less sexual favors, etc.. What do you do when your LTR can't seem to handle dread? When the dread isn't translating into increased sexual desire but is instead translating into neuroticism, anxiety, and depression. Are there different types of dread you use in this situation?",,22,redpill_ltr-friendly,2018-09-16 01:10:03